# How did you do it? Pregnant while single.



## lily2011

I'm over halfway there now, but seriously, how did all you amazing women who were single for your pregnancy make it through?! You'd think in this day and age, people would be a little more understanding, but there are always those who want to make comments and judge and ask you 50 questions about the FOB. At first I would always make the case of trying to explain the entire situation to everyone...now I just stay mute and say "we'll see what happens." Because it really isn't anyone else's business at the end of the day. 

It's just so hard, I've worked every day of my pregnancy, and had about 5 months of all-day everyday-day "morning" sickness, and on top of that, live in a city far away from my family (which is about to change...I am moving back home, yay!) but the lonliness and judgments have just been so hard to handle overall. I know that having a child won't make things any easier, but at least I won't be a walking billboard everywhere I go...nothing attracts more questions than a pregnant woman! Geeez! I guess I just needed some words of support from women who have done it. I know there is a rainbow at the end of this for me, and I would never ever take back what happened because I love my daughter more than words, it's just sometimes hard to keep perspective when you feel like time is passing sooo slowly!


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## xSophieBx

Don't know wot to say hun, But I left FOB when I was 7months pregnant, and have always had the support of my mum & dad which makes everything so much easier, Just hang on in there and ignore judgemental people, & you'll be home soon :) I know about the comments though, I'm only 20(19 when I had Lily) so I got judged for that too, but I don't really care and yes time passes slowly, but try and enjoy every second of it, because I didn't as I was miserable and depressed all the time, & now I have so many regrets and wished I'd savored the pregnancy bit. Chin up, u will do fantastically :) xx


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## Rhio92

Just try and make the most of your final baby free days. Go out with friends at spur of the moment, stay out till silly oclock, have lots of lazy days... And get as much support as you can. FOB ditched me at 35 weeks, so I didn't have much time alone, but I really wish I'd have done more instead of moping.
Good luck! :hugs: x


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## angelpkj

FOB ended it with me when i was 5 and half months right before xmas,on our anniversairy
so nice
i went thru so much emotional hell from it all took me ages to bond with bump,i kinda started to think if it wasnt for bump everythin would be just fine and i'd still be with my fella
it takes alot of time but stay strong there really is light at the end of the tunnel
babys here now and i do 98% of the work and FOB will see baby few hours 3 times a week or so,its tiring but its not that hard
i had so many people tellin me i will struggle alone and this n that and it knocked my self confidence if i could actully do it and cope
aslong as you have your family or some friends you really do not need help from FOB 
you just wake up and get on with it there no time for being sad once baby here because each time u do get abit down you got your baby for a cuddle and seeing them look up at you just makes it all worth while


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## xJG30

FOB dumped me but I just got on with it.. ignored him for months, got through it with the support of my family


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## whoops

Don't quite know how I made it through, tbh. Just kept myself busy and gave minimal answers to the busybodies.

It's hard but just try and enjoy it - I liked being pregnant but looking back now, I'm glad it's over. Having said that, I have regrets. I was so caught up in feeling sorry for myself (and kind of still am) that I never really thought about the reality of life with a baby and never really looked forward to her being here.


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## mamashakesit

I worked nearly every day of my pregnancy - and while I was exhausted by the end, I was really lucky I had a job that required a lot of socializing and a lot of summer work events. I was miserable enough and cried so much that if I hadn't have had that work time to occupy me and keep me distracted and busy (although it was never completely off my mind), I would have sat at home with the shades drawn and cried constantly. Having said that, I did break down at work a couple of times.

And I agree...people were waaaay too nosy and liberal about giving advice and opinions. Just really, really try to enjoy your time alone before the baby gets here. Go shopping, spoil yourself with a pedi, grab and good book and read at a coffee shop...just try to get out so you are not alone but yet enjoying time alone!


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## mummaofthree

me and lolas dad split before i even knew i was pregnant - not on bad terms. he was offered a job in spain and if it was me, i woulda taken it too....

so not only was i single, but with a 3 year old and a 1 year old when i found out i was 21 weeks pregnant with lola... and her daddy was in another country all together.

your life is gunna change amazingly.... so enjoy the rest and the freedom of the late stages of pregnancy. grab some friends and go watch a film.... get a pedicure..... or have a bath without worrying that bubba will wake up and youll have to jump out....

your about to be joined by a tiny little bundle of love who will make you feel so important. because you are. you can do it on your own, because hey.... so many of us do. and when bubba grows up... like mine are (Way too quickly at 4, 2 and 10 months now) you can think, wow... this lovely baby is so content and its all because of me.

enjoy your sleep...... and the main thing is to try and relax. be laid back with your new addition and they will reward you by being laid back too.... x

good luck.... your doing great and remember... you have all of us to turn to when you need to rant  x

sending love

x


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## Newdreemz

I was single when I found out I was pregnant since I was 7 weeks along. Currently I'm 37 weeks so talk about being alone! I've been alone my whole pregnancy so I totally know what your going through. I think the worst part of it was the "WHERES THE FATHER?" "WHOS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILD?" "OMG ANOTHER ONE!?" Yup, I hated the judgement. Its like "excuse me, but I beat myself up enough already and the last thing I need to hear is you telling me how "irresponsible" I am.." So because of that, I didn't even tell my mother until I was 5 months pregnant, and I told my family members (aunts, grandma...) maybe two weeks ago! They had no idea, and of course they said exactly what I didn't want to hear, "WHY? OH NO? WHOS THE FATHER? WHERE IS HE?" I flat out told them, "I'm not getting into that with you. Its none of your business." And they couldn't say too much. I mean after awhile your so hormonal you could care less what anyone has to say. 

Anyways, I won't say its easy. I raised my last two alone, 8, and 3 and this one was an accident. Very unplanned so I still haven't quite bonded to my bump like I thought I would. but I think in time it will get easier. You really do get used to your "me" time. And you start to appreciate being single. I have more time with my kids, I don't have to deal with the ups and downs of relationships, and I'm finally focused on me. JUST ME. and I've changed so much. Its really a growing period. You just become stronger because of it. If I could do it over again, I'd have to say I would have waited but I do believe that if I hadn't I wouldn't be who I am now. Smarter, and wiser! 

Keep your head up. Your not alone.


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## oaklvr

I don't know how any of us get on with it, we just do. I almost think even though the breakup is more stressful, theres something about the pregnancy thats helped me have something to look forward to. I don't live anywhere near my family and I still cry 7 years or so later because I miss them. My baby daddy is off and on, curious I guess of this child but the times when hes gone makes it that much more emotionally taxing, since I never know when he's gonna send me a message after all the work I do to get through it. I'm silly and talk to him again, cater to him because I was concerned for his feelings lol. I guess I don't think about myself often enough. It is very hard some days. I worked all this pregnancy until 2 weeks ago, and I have a child that's 5 to care for. Sometimes things seem a lot worse, so I take a look at what all I do have. Try and see that I don't need bad people in my life, no matter how amazing they said they would be. Every day that passes is another day to feel better and closer to meeting LO.

I don't get many comments on my 'baby's father' since I think everyone knew I am a single-mom anyways and just assumed I still am. I've been asked on dates and stuff and that aggravated the hell out of me that someone would assume I was single, and that I would be interested in dating while pregnant. Even my own (extended) family members gave me a rude baby shower gift. I went home and cried. It was a onesie that said "If you think I'm handsome, you should see my daddy" WHY would they give that to me? I know they weren't trying to hurt my feelings but it did make me feel bad.


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## moomin_troll

my oh passed away before i found out i was pregnant at 3 weeks.

so ive gone thru the whole pregnancy by myself with a 2 yr old. its hard but we just have to get on with it, after all we dont have much choice lol
ur already half way there so uve got thru that u can carry on with the rest


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## oaklvr

moomin_troll said:


> my oh passed away before i found out i was pregnant at 3 weeks.
> 
> so ive gone thru the whole pregnancy by myself with a 2 yr old. its hard but we just have to get on with it, after all we dont have much choice lol
> ur already half way there so uve got thru that u can carry on with the rest


:hugs:


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## tanni78

it's so nice to know i'm not alone. It's on and off with me and fob as i got pregnant the 1st time we slept together. Some days i feel really positive and other days it's harder as i have no family anywhere nearby, lost my mum a few years ago who was a huge support through my other pregnancies. I have no pregnant friends and have 3 girls aged 12, 9 and 7 who's dad left to live in cyprus so i really am alone but i feel positive. Having a baby is a wonderful gift and i'm determined to enjoy it even if it is going to be difficult :) x


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## trinaestella

I guess I am lucky, I have a very supportive family, and a few supportive friends.. so he isn't even much use to me. All I need is him to be around our LO when she/he arrives, and I would like him to get over the fact that we are expecting a baby and I am feeling very emotional, tired and hungry! I would just love him to stop playing with my head, and get over it. I am not aborting like he wants me to, and I am not going to beg for him to stay if he doesn't want to, but it would be good.

He is coming over in a minute so he says, because he has a "present" for me. LOL, he is so full of shit. He said that about 2 hours ago, I just can't be bothered for him. I really love him, but why should I be with him if he's being like this with me?:nope: :cry:

The only good outcome of this is I am having a baby, so this LO is keeping me on my feet at the moment.


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## JayceAnona

moomin_troll said:


> my oh passed away before i found out i was pregnant at 3 weeks.
> 
> so ive gone thru the whole pregnancy by myself with a 2 yr old. its hard but we just have to get on with it, after all we dont have much choice lol
> ur already half way there so uve got thru that u can carry on with the rest


Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry :hugs:...you are very strong for getting through that, but I'm sure you know that already..


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## Marlarky

I might have well have been single for my first pregnancy, FOB was never home anyway. I left him when Aaron was 2 months old but we were falling apart since Aaron was about 3 weeks old. I left him and chose to be single because I was horribly mistreated, and he neglected our son. This pregnancy was a surprise, and FOB got excited when I told him because he thought I would come back to him because of it, but Im strong and I am raising Aaron on my own, and I will be raising this child as a single mom too. This pregnancy is going to be so hard raising a baby already and going through the teething and crawling and chasing around and walking while being big fat and pregnant, but I know I can make it through because I've gotten through some pretty hard things on my own before and I have the mindset that I can do it now. Its not going to be easy but I would rather be a single mom of 2 under 1 than be back with someone who doesnt treat me with respect xx


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## Marlarky

moomin_troll said:


> my oh passed away before i found out i was pregnant at 3 weeks.
> 
> so ive gone thru the whole pregnancy by myself with a 2 yr old. its hard but we just have to get on with it, after all we dont have much choice lol
> ur already half way there so uve got thru that u can carry on with the rest

I'm so sorry for your loss hun xx
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Neferet

I was single for my whole pregnancy (me and FOB were never together). I just spent quite a lot of time with my friends and had lots of support from my grandparents. I just avoided questions about the father by changing the subject or if they asked who it was I just said 'some guy'.


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## Lillybloss

I was with the father of my baby for two years we were engaged and looking for a house together. Then he started to treat me really badly so we split up, a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant I went round to his and told him but he wasn't interested. And I have heard from him since I wad 7 weeks along. Oh and he did all this while my poor manna was dying. 

I often wonder how I will cope but I live With my parents who are so supportive and it has made me realise just how amazing us women really are. I love my baby more than anything in the world and I know that even though he won't know his dad he will have all the love he needs.


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## cosmic star

Hi,
I am with the FOB after nearly 6 years and he wants me to get rid of it.. he screams and shouts at me telling me I am ruining his life I feel completly torn at what to do.. I am terrified of being a single mum at 31.. I will have to move back into my mums house and bring up a child alone with no dad.. Is that possible? Is it best to terminate and start again with someone else.. I am so alone and confused.. I live 4 hours away from all my friends and family as I followed my boyfriend when he wanted to move away and have no one to talk to
x


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## elsmogro

cosmic star said:


> Hi,
> I am with the FOB after nearly 6 years and he wants me to get rid of it.. he screams and shouts at me telling me I am ruining his life I feel completly torn at what to do.. I am terrified of being a single mum at 31.. I will have to move back into my mums house and bring up a child alone with no dad.. Is that possible? Is it best to terminate and start again with someone else.. I am so alone and confused.. I live 4 hours away from all my friends and family as I followed my boyfriend when he wanted to move away and have no one to talk to
> x

do what YOU want!! you will be fine. Im going to be a single mum at 26, yes its going to be hard but im going to do it regardless. I have been living back at my parents house for the last 9 weeks and have now found a place of my own that i am decorating and preparing for when baby comes so you can do it too. Just move back in with your parents and get yourself on the council list (if your in the UK) and while your on there look for an affordable private place too. you will be fine. I totally understand how scary it is as im in the same situation so feel free to msg me if u ever need to chat :hugs:


in reply to the thread....It is scary and worrying becoming a single parent whether it is your first or fifth and whether you were alone through your pregnancy or not. I have been on my own since i was 18 weeks because the FOB was not supportive, he was selfish and was basically not good enough for me or my unborn daughter (and still isnt) 
Ive come to think that its easier for me to be alone, yeah id love to have someone to cuddle when im upset and hormonal. Someone to share my exitment and talk through worries and stuff but to be honest im happy.
I dont have to put up with the demands of a relationship or have to worry about shaving my legs and trying to be sexy when im not feeling it (or have the energy for any antics like that anyway lol) i can plan my house/birth/parenting choices completly myself without having to consider anothers feelings and views!!!!
Also there are amazing people here who are in the same situation that can offer support and an ear to listen to my rantings and advice :happydance:


oooh that reply turned into a bit of a rant haha


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## Kayles1/8/08

hey lily!

i was a single mother with my first daughter went through entire pregnancy and only febuary she started seeing her father (nearly 4 years later) i was 17 when i fell pregnant and was so ill the doctor signed me off from working..i was young,skint,single and pregnant! i thought my life was over i had a horrible pregnancy i lived in a pokey 1 bedroom flat on my own had zero support from family and friends and had 2 months before falling pregnant tragically lost my dad who i was very close too! i hated my whole pregnancy if im honest and cried ALOT...but when my baby girl was put in my arms all those memories just dissapeared ..since then my life got better and better! i have a healthy daughter who is almost 3! yeah money was tough..social life wasnt great but i had something greater than anything anyone had! my baby girl! i wouldnt change her for everything in the world she has been my rock and without her id never have got out that rut i was in! it was like she was there for a reason to take me away from all the badness! single parents are not givin the respect and recognition they deserve! it really does take someone strong to carry and bring up a child on there own so go u :) give ur self a massive pat on the back and dont be scared! these nobodys asking nosey questions have nothing more exciting in life than to try pick on other people..btu u have an amazing baby on the way so stay focused on that and forget about all those snotty nobodys! only ur baby matters now :) XXXXXXXXXXXXx


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## MidnightSun

When people ask me about FOB I don't give much away to be honest, it's mine and my daughter's business not theirs... 

I haven't spoken to him since I was 12 weeks pregnant, not seen him since 6 weeks and my usual reply when people ask about him is 'not heard a dickybird and quite like it that way, I'm very happy' ... then I change the subject lol

My pregnancy was lovely apart from having Hyperemesis from weeks 5-17 and yes it would have been lovely to have had a partner around to have cared for me, as I literally wasn't any use to anyone, but all in all I love being on my own and having my darling baby all to myself... x x

Cosmic Star I am 31, and never imagined this is what life held for me - but I am deleriously happy and love my life... it can be done hun, please don't make a lifechanging decision that you may regret just because a man tells you to! x x


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## whoops

cosmic star said:


> Hi,
> I am with the FOB after nearly 6 years and he wants me to get rid of it.. he screams and shouts at me telling me I am ruining his life I feel completly torn at what to do.. I am terrified of being a single mum at 31.. I will have to move back into my mums house and bring up a child alone with no dad.. Is that possible? Is it best to terminate and start again with someone else.. I am so alone and confused.. I live 4 hours away from all my friends and family as I followed my boyfriend when he wanted to move away and have no one to talk to
> x

:hugs:

I was you this time last year and I chose to have my baby and move back home. FOB pays maintenance but has no interest in meeting her.

It's been a tough year, I won't pretend otherwise, but I've spent the last hour looking at photos of my beautiful daughter on my phone while I'm supposed to be studying - the happiness I now feel and my love for her is worth all the pain of the past year. Things aren't perfect but they're a lot closer to perfection than I would have imagined they'd be all last year.


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## louloubelle76

I know this post is over a month old but im glad i have read it, having a down night tonight, keep thinking about my ex and what a selfish wanker he is not even acknowledging that im pregnant, my reckons he may think im lying about being pregnant but he will know when he gets the scan picture in a few weeks, just feeling really down tonight :(


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## SophiasMummy

Me and FOB broke up when I was 11 weeks preg, I just concentrated solely on my growing bump I had friends come see me occasionally etc, but mostly I just focused on staying upbeat for bump, I got funny looks sometimes I was 20 at the time but looked younger so I just gave them funny looks right back to be honest I get the same looks now when me and LO go out from some women, I figure there just jealous I have such a gorgeous baby so I ignore them xx


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## Ju_bubbs

I applied for income support as a lone parent when OH left me a few weeks back.. then I got called in for a benefit fraud interview, JUST because I was pregnant and single.. apparently coz I'm pregnant, I had to be lying about being single! I couldn't believe it!


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