# 17 and TTC



## layola

I just wondered what type of response i'd get from this.

I turn 18 at the beginning of next year, the boyfriend is 18 a few months before. We're in a serious long term relationship, and both have full time jobs. We're both a lot older than our age credits us for, and we've been talking about this for a long time. Financially, we both have jobs at the moment and would save up before, and during the pregnancy, housing-wise, we both live at home, but the boyfriend has a sort of garage that could be turned into a 'make-do' living space while we find a place of our own.

As for the typical problem of losing our independence, we dont generally do that much with other people, when we have time we like to be with eachother, and going out boozing or partying doesn't really appeal to either of us. We'd much rather have a child now, so we can get an early start as family is really important to us.

Its not like we're not planning, i mean i've been reading up for years, as i've wanted to be a mummy since i can remember, though i do realise that books cant prepare you for reality, they can just give you an idea. But this is something that we both really want, and we're not stupid, we wouldnt bring a child into this world if we weren't sure our relationship could cope, and we didnt think that we could provide for it. I will do anything for my children, and they dont even exist yet.

A friend of mine is currently pregnant, and i've been talking to her about things (though i dont agree with her pregnancy as shes going to be a single mother, with no job, living off benefits & when asked where she was going to get the money from she said "i didnt think of that") but anyway... i'd do it differently.

Just wondered what people made of the situation :)


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## XxkayleighxX

i fink u sound grown up, and u have a job abd u said u have been wiv ur fella 4 along time, howeva i fink u sud live 2gether 1sr as this is a big step and things do sumtimes change wen u do! but as 4 tryin 4 a baby its up 2 u hun only u no wen ur ready


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## layola

Yeah, we've been looking for a place for a while, but haven't been able to find anywhere due to our age


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## bloodbinds

Your age shouldn't matter to get a place to live, i've been living in different flats and renting on my own since i was 16, never had much trouble, so don't worry, you'll find somewhere. And you do sound very mature, i'm sure you've already heard all the typical things are young pregnancy; Are you ready? You'll have no social life. You've got loads of time to do it later. Are your jobs stable? Do you want more time to develop your careers? Do you love each other very much? Is your relationship stable? ETC

Be unbiased for a moment, step away from yourself and look at your life from an outsiders point of view and see what your about to do. If you can look at your life from the outside, and know without a doubt a baby is truly the best thing you can possibly do in your life right now, and it would be the best thing for the baby, then i wish you the best of luck


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## jelix9408

well i also think you sound grown. its pretty sad .. im 19 and youve got your things more together than i do. im pregnant and its hard at this age ... how long have you guys been together? and are you 100% sure he will stand by your side no matter what? because if so i hope for the best. i honestly dont think it matters how long youve been together as long as you guys love each other deeply than everything should work out fine. you just have to make sure he's prepared to handle your hormonal outburst because they do tend to get bad .. trust me im the worst! lol i feel bad because my boyfriend deals with it and i can be very rude .. but weve been together for a lil over 8 months .. i love him with all my heart and he loves me too .. this baby wasnt expected but were happy. i hope everything works out for you! if you ever need to chat message me any time.


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## Serene123

No advice, just 'good luck' :hugs:


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## sineady

*hello tbh you shouldnt really be botherd about what other people think about you wanting to try for a baby!!!!! if you and your boyfriend are ready then go for it!!!! its your choice noone elses!!!!! atleast you have both got a job and can provide for your baby!!!! good luck hun hope all goes well for you*


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## AppleBlossom

First of all BnB doesn't support uder 18's TTC. However once you are 18+ if you really feel you are ready financially and emotionally for a baby then I suppose you can TTC. Nothing can ever prepare you for the physical and mental changes that come with pregnancy and childbirth and the difficulties and hardship that comes with bringing up a child. Good luck


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## AP

why do u want to rush into it so fast? u have a lifetime ahead, whats the rush? i dont mean to sound harsh! its just not a 'do or die' thing, im sure itd b a lot better if u both had a stable roof over your head? some young mums wouldnt change the fact they r mums now but given the choice, theyd be a bit more prepared and wait a lil!


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## shaunanicole

Hey hun, I think Bexy and Sb have a good point. I think waiting until your older is your best bet...and that isn't me being close minded. I am 17 years of age and pregnant, it was unplanned, and you wouldn't believe what pregnancy is all about until you're actually pregnant. It isn't at all what you may think and raising a child is nothing like you'd think either. My child isn't even here and I have had to spend hundred and hundred and hundreds of dollars on med bills (I have insurance and good insurance at that), I've had to buy a crib, bouncer, swing, carrier, car seat, bottles, wipes, diapers, clothes, bibs, pacifiers, blankets, sheets, bedroom sets, bassinet, etc, etc, etc. 

Think about it really hard sweety. I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do. ;)


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## Pyrrhic

What's the rush?


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## honeybee2

what ever you do- dont TRY and get pregnant at your age- please!!!! women were given rights and the vote so you didnt have to go through this sooo young! if your looking for a milestone in yourlife- try college or uni... but please dont do this so young. wait for a for a few years!!! at least untill you live together!
good luck and best wishes. x


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## Lisalovesbean

You can be a Mum later, but take all the opportunities flying your way while you're young and childfree! Build yourselves a beautiful home and have some fun, holidaying, travelling, doing all the things you dream of (apart from the baby!), get a financial nest egg behind you cause it's expensive being a mum!

I was 29 when I had my first baby and that was after I'd done all 'my things' and I also spent three trying to concieve, but to be totally honest I'm glad it took that long.....I had my son and was still young and unprepared even though I'd been desperate for him....as it turns out my son is severely autistic, is nearly seven and still wears nappies, cannot talk at all and has other complex mental delays.... I wouldn't have coped with the challanges he faces when I was younger.....it's hard being a parent even though it's great at the same time!

A baby doesn't COMPLETE who you are, it just ENHANCES your life....plenty of time for that!

Good Luck with whatever YOU decide to do!:hugs:


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## aimee-lou

I would like to say, please take it steady. 

I'm not saying don't do it because you are obviously very stable and sensible. However, as a number of people have said, what is the rush? I would save your money from your jobs, get your own place, live together, see the world, enjoy life. A child will value your life experiences and advice more if you have them to share. College and Uni may not be for you but please, don't rule them our just yet. If you and your OH are committed to one another then save up, travel together, grow as people then think about bringing another person into the world. 

My husband and I are 25 and I am 4 months pregnant now and we only just flet ready to do it. We have been together for nearly 3 years, we're married, we've been on holidays, we have a lovely house, good jobs etc....so it's all there and ready to go. If you're that commited then enjoy each other, learn and grow and prepare yourself all you can. Even waiting just 12 more months may lead you to a much better place. You have time on your side....use it! 

Good Luck whatever you choose to do.


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## T-Bex

No matter what, the choice is entirely yours.

Each and every person is entirely different to the next, and whilst some women can't emotionally, physically and mentally deal with children at 40, some are more than ready in their teens. Society works based around the theory that in order to be a full and whole person, you need to go to university, find a career, work your way up the ladder, buy a house, settle down, THEN reproduce, then raise offspring, then retire, then die. All nicely planned out, and not something that ever needs to be thought about. 

It is this basis that argues that having children at the beginning of this is a mistake, and a waste of 'youth'. Society cannot deal with any sort of abhoration from this set norm. Furthermore, the notion that your life is now 'wasted' from early pregnancies is an unfair one. Education is not barred, with many institutions having good child care facilities on sight, as well as home learning courses (such as the OU). As long as you don't stagnate and turn your entire existance into a baby fuelled one, then there is no problem.

Yes, women were given rights and the vote. However, along with these rights came the right to choose what they do with their own bodies, and when they want to start a family. I'm sure that this TTC pla isn't through lack of choice, but rather the abundence of it that we are now lucky to possess. If a woman is forced at a young age, against her will to reproduce, then yes, this is obviously wrong. But the choice is there for a good reason; not everyone is the same, and wants the same things from their lives. 

Only you know what you want from this life, lass, so do whatever you think is right. Babies are hard, messy and frequently rather dull, work, but I'm sure you already know this. Make your own choices based on your own convictions, and yes, listen to other people's opinions, but *always* make your own. Don't let anyone ever push you in a direction you don't want to go (no matter which way). That is the true sign of maturity.


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## Seraphim

Hmm tricky one :)

I think well done for asking.
Whatever the question, it's good to look at it from all angles, even if you don't agree with all of them, it gets you thinking more deeply.

You do sound like you've thought about things, and having a family sounds really important to you. The thing is... nomatter what age we are, we can't know it all. I've held and hugged my new-mummy friends while they've sobbed bemused at what to do with this little crying ball of tears, whilst knowing they'll get through it... you can't understand what it's like until it's you.

Putting kids to one side... Marriage is hard enough!! Again, I've spoken with friends alongside my own experiences at 1-10 years married and seen how things ebb and flow, chop and change. It's hard work sharing your life with someone, as much as it's infinitely rewarding.

Hubby and I have been together 10 years, married for 8, and this is our first pregnancy... so that will tell you a little of what I believe.

To me... rushing is like having a lifetime of christmas presents all in one year. Or eating all your easter eggs in one day. There's no need, and you have less choice later.

Your boyfriend could be with you in another 70 years... now is the time to lay down the foundations of that relationship to make sure it's a goodun.

It's not about withholding good things from younger people, excluding them from the club - but trying to give them the BEST of what's infront of them.

If this were a question of you already being pregnant it would be very different. But you have choices, so spend them wisely.

x


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## jeanettekaren

I don't understand why anyone would want to ttc while living in a makeshift garage with parents???

Why not save and get a place of your own first?


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## lindypops

I don't want to sound patronising, but are you are both currently 17, it is not easy to really know the ins and outs of tests in a relationship, especially if you haven't lived together yet.

My DH and I have been together for 5 years, married for 1, I'm 32 and he's 33, and I'm still worried about the effect on our relationship after our LO is born.

There are plenty of people on this forum whose OHs have left them after a planned conception, as they realise they can't or don't want to handle the pressure or responsibility. I obviously don't know your OH, but if you did end up in a similar situation you would be the one having to make all the sacrifices and being so young would have compromised your possible career, freedom and independence.

And do garages have windows these days?


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## AppleBlossom

I just wanted to add that me and my ex where so in love but once we started living together things just went downhill. I would suggest moving in together first and seeing how that works out before adding pressure onto your relationship by bringing a baby into the mix


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## yamkins

I agree with well a lot of people on here. I myself am 18 and I know what you mean about the whole settling down thing. I just lost a pregnancy, and it was planned. I would say to focus on the short term goals of getting a place together and then taking it from there, because you don't really know how it is going to be until you actually move in with him. That in itself is a big step and if you both find that you can handle ALL aspects of a serious relationship then do as you please! But I would say to make sure of how you both deal with things as they come when you live together, because it is a whole other realm. as for people and what they might think, I disagree with letting my opinions be swayed by people and letting people define me so I wouldnt pay too much attention to people, the only people I would pay attention to is someone that has known you for long as is related to you that only want the best for you, those are the best advice givers in my opinion! Good luck


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## yamkins

T-Bex said:


> No matter what, the choice is entirely yours.
> 
> Each and every person is entirely different to the next, and whilst some women can't emotionally, physically and mentally deal with children at 40, some are more than ready in their teens. Society works based around the theory that in order to be a full and whole person, you need to go to university, find a career, work your way up the ladder, buy a house, settle down, THEN reproduce, then raise offspring, then retire, then die. All nicely planned out, and not something that ever needs to be thought about.
> 
> It is this basis that argues that having children at the beginning of this is a mistake, and a waste of 'youth'. Society cannot deal with any sort of abhoration from this set norm. Furthermore, the notion that your life is now 'wasted' from early pregnancies is an unfair one. Education is not barred, with many institutions having good child care facilities on sight, as well as home learning courses (such as the OU). As long as you don't stagnate and turn your entire existance into a baby fuelled one, then there is no problem.
> 
> Yes, women were given rights and the vote. However, along with these rights came the right to choose what they do with their own bodies, and when they want to start a family. I'm sure that this TTC pla isn't through lack of choice, but rather the abundence of it that we are now lucky to possess. If a woman is forced at a young age, against her will to reproduce, then yes, this is obviously wrong. But the choice is there for a good reason; not everyone is the same, and wants the same things from their lives.
> 
> Only you know what you want from this life, lass, so do whatever you think is right. Babies are hard, messy and frequently rather dull, work, but I'm sure you already know this. Make your own choices based on your own convictions, and yes, listen to other people's opinions, but *always* make your own. Don't let anyone ever push you in a direction you don't want to go (no matter which way). That is the true sign of maturity.

 I REALLY really, really like what you posted! This makes so much sense in all aspects of it! some people don't even realize that we do have a choice somewhat in which path we want to take in life, and I agree 100%!!! Money isn't really everything, and carrer and education can surely help financially, but how many people do you know are trully truly in love and have a family and love eachother and are 100% financially stable? then again, Here you have ,mature might I add, teens or almost adult teens that actually do know the sacrifices they have to give and still choose to start a loving family!So, yes, I do believe in pro choice and I hope you dont mind if I quote this in other posts because that was really well-written! thank you for the post!


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## littlebuddha

My only concern as an outsider looking in is that you say you spend all your time together and don't really go out/socialise ect. I think you could benefit from contacting friends and going out, even if you visit mutual friends together. Having a new baby can be many wonderful things, it can also be quite isolating. Your relationship sounds stable but it's not pessamistic to cover yourselves for the possibility it might not last forever. 

I hope if you do get pregnant though it all goes well for you and the pregnancy goes smoothly as possible 

I think the message from T-Bex is the best advice on this thread.


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## Seraphim

Yamkins, it is really well written and makes alot of sense about some of the things it covers...

I still think asking for thoughts/advice/opinions and making better decisions after hearing them isn't a bad thing either. There's more than one 'argument' for not rushing into anything, and they're not all simply moral or judgemental opposal to younger mothers.

Even good solid relationships that stay together can be *tremendously* hard. 

There's alot to be said for a gradual learning curve. You may be 'ok' taking a steep curve... but that doesn't mean it's the best or most enjoyable way through your life.

I've so enjoyed the years with hubby (on our own), and it's those years that get you through the tough times.


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## djgirl1976

I have two thoughts on this post. 
The first is that while yes, people can choose their own path, make their own decisions, may be ready at an early age to have a child, the reality is, if you cannot pay for everything that you and your child will need, find a way to keep a roof over it's head, or feel that you may need "assistance" of anyone(parent, government, other family member, etc) in order to raise you child, you should not be trying. If you do, it isn't just your choice you are making, but you are making a choice for your parents or family or government to "pick up" where you are lacking. Yes, this happens all the time, but these are typically unplanned pregnancies. I know when my child is a teen, they had better not be expecting me to raise another child "for them". It's a very selfish concept. 
I am not saying that is what your plan is, just making that point. 

The other point is that relationships ARE very hard to maintain. Things happen, and to someone's point, there are many grown adults who have TTC only to have their OH back out, walk out on them, cheat, etc, when faced with reality. Not saying this will happen, but the point that has been made about living together first is a very good one. It's important to know where your relationship stands after dealing with some of those challenges before adding a LO into the picture. 

Whatever you do..I wish you good luck!


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## pennysbored

bexy_22 said:


> I just wanted to add that me and my ex where so in love but once we started living together things just went downhill. I would suggest moving in together first and seeing how that works out before adding pressure onto your relationship by bringing a baby into the mix

Splendid advice. 
I've had several live in boyfriends, and all of them seemed perfect matches. Then we moved in together. it screwed everything up, we didn't know what we wanted and we just ended up splitting up.
I am not saying that is what is going to happen to you and your boyfriend, but if you love each other so much, then it can wait a couple years. You sound like a smart girl, I'm sure you will do what is best for you.
Best of luck!


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## Ilove

The issue Im seeing here is that you and father of the potential baby to be havent lived together yet. I think this is really important to do first for a year or so. Some people dont even cope with living together, nevermind living together with a newborn screaming baby

I moved out from my parents house at 16 and met my now husband at 17. We lived together from the start and we started TTC when I was 19 (he is in his late 20's) Now were married and Im 21 (still TTC aswell-now probably with treatment)

Anyway Im getting off track...My point is often becoming a mother younger is perfectly fine, especially for someone so emotionally mature. But Im SO glad we didnt rush, we talked it through for hours after hours, we waited until we were married and had lived together for years and had our own place with room for the new baby...

So many young relationships can fail and until youve actually lived together and lied in eachothers pockets itll be hard to see exactly what foundations you have. You cant do it all whilst pregnant

Good luck:hugs:


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## jillypoop

layola said:


> I just wondered what type of response i'd get from this.
> 
> I turn 18 at the beginning of next year, the boyfriend is 18 a few months before. We're in a serious long term relationship, and both have full time jobs. We're both a lot older than our age credits us for, and we've been talking about this for a long time. Financially, we both have jobs at the moment and would save up before, and during the pregnancy, housing-wise, we both live at home, but the boyfriend has a sort of garage that could be turned into a 'make-do' living space while we find a place of our own.
> 
> As for the typical problem of losing our independence, we dont generally do that much with other people, when we have time we like to be with eachother, and going out boozing or partying doesn't really appeal to either of us. We'd much rather have a child now, so we can get an early start as family is really important to us.
> 
> Its not like we're not planning, i mean i've been reading up for years, as i've wanted to be a mummy since i can remember, though i do realise that books cant prepare you for reality, they can just give you an idea. But this is something that we both really want, and we're not stupid, we wouldnt bring a child into this world if we weren't sure our relationship could cope, and we didnt think that we could provide for it. I will do anything for my children, and they dont even exist yet.
> 
> A friend of mine is currently pregnant, and i've been talking to her about things (though i dont agree with her pregnancy as shes going to be a single mother, with no job, living off benefits & when asked where she was going to get the money from she said "i didnt think of that") but anyway... i'd do it differently.
> 
> Just wondered what people made of the situation :)


Hi hun :)

I am in a similar situation to you but we have decided to put off TTC for the forseeable future. I know the pain of wanting a child when you know its not the right time but it does get easier knowing that you are doing something in the meantime to make life better for you, your OH and your child(ren).

My OH and I have been working full time for a couple of years now, we had our own flat but cos of the recession we are back at my parents, I am waiting to start a new job, my OH is going back to college in September so he can train as a doctor and hopefully in the future he will have the interesting, challenging career that he wants and deserves whereas we will have the money to enable me to be a stay at home mum. I really think that you need to wait until you are in your early 20's so that you have had the time to think about what you both want to do with your life, you have your own place, enough money behind you to be able to provide for your child properly etc

I know how painful it is, believe me but I personally think now is not the right time for you. If it was you wouldn't be here asking us for advice, you'd be out looking for a place to live etc.

I hope my post hasn't offended you, I understand your position and how you feel more than you'll ever know.

:hugs:

xxx


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## MummyToAmberx

I personally wouldnt encourage a 17 yr old to try for a baby. 
I become pregnant at 17, give birth 18. I dont regret having her, but its HARD. 
If i have found out alot sooner my life would probably be completely different right now.


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## Tezzy

hi layola :)

i know how you feel wanting a family etc, i got pregnant at 18, bought our first house at 19, got married at 19 and now im 21 and have 2 children.
if you want kids theres no point in waiting as long as you are secure in your relationship, financially able and have a place to live then i got see a problem


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## Rebaby

I had to grow up very fast for lots of reasons that i won't go into (because it would get a bit long and depressing!)

The upshot being i left home at 15 and lived on my own (in a rented flat) from the age of 16. I was with my childhood sweetheart for 4 years, from the age of 16 until just before my 20th birthday and we were rock solid. We had our rows, but i thought we would stay together forever, and certainly everyone else did too. We went to uni in the same city at the age of 18 and i moved into another rented flat, he got student accomodation. The cracks started to show, being in a new environment, and growing up just that little more made us start to shift apart i guess. His temper got worse, we fought a lot. I was miserable but loved him deeply and thought he was the one, so hung on in there. Eventually for a variety of reasons we finally called it quits and i never looked back (although he still frequently does, but then that is also another story!)

You're probably wondering what the hell my point is, but it's this- we were both incredibly mature young people, him living with his parents but round at my place a lot, me living on my own managing my own finances and running a flat whilst juggling that with doing my a-levels and preparing for uni and working! I would have said, if anyone asked that we would have been the best couple out of anyone i knew to have a baby and stay together. In fact when i had broody moments i used to wonder what would happen if i got pregnant. Not that i ever would have done, on purpose. But i was on the pill and i would wonder what happened if it failed. I knew, or thought i did that he'd stand by me and support me and thought it would all just be fantastic and couldn't wait to make it a reality.

Now...oh my god! I could not feel any different about it if i tried! I am so so so incredibly grateful to the universe (!) that i never fell accidentally pregnant with my ex. As you never know, at that age, what the future holds. And it turns out it held some wonderful things for me. After we split i made a lot of big changes, dropped out of my uni course and started my nurse training, met an incredible individual who i am proud to call my OH and after almost 5 years together (over 4 of those living together) we are now expecting our 1st child together. I just think (in horror) what my life would have been like if i had rushed into parenthood so young with my ex.

I think you're very brave for asking on here what people think as i am sure you knew you might not get the answers you were looking for, and i think you must be a strong person to be able to read others comments and you're obviously putting a lot of thought into this.

It is of course your life, and the life of your OH and possible unborn baby, and no one has the power to make that decision but you, however my advice if i am truly and completely honest would be to wait. If your relationship is as strong as you say then it sounds like you have some wonderful things ahead together- getting your 1st place together, living together, taking some holidays or travelling etc etc. These are all possible with a baby in tow but just because you *can* do something i.e. have a baby, it doesn't necessarily mean you should...right now.

I don't think there is a specific age i'd recommend waiting until, i'd just give yourselves a bit more time, see how you adjust to living together when you get somewhere and then re-evaluate.

I hope that helps.


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## tasha41

All I can say is being boyfriend & girlfriend is TOTALLY different from being parents together... it changes your relationship A LOT, and it can be done.. but it's really hard. Why not wait a couple years? Enjoy being with your partner for a little while longer.. get established on your own.. it'll make life so much easier if you're used to living on your own and you're a little older. Not that you can't be a good parent now, it'll just be EASIER later... do you understand what I'm trying to say?


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## tasha41

& I'm just venturing a guess but was your friend trying to have a baby or did she get pregnant unintentionally? It's two totally different things :) What would you have her do instead of being pregnant really?


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## AppleBlossom

tasha41 said:


> All I can say is being boyfriend & girlfriend is TOTALLY different from being parents together... it changes your relationship A LOT, and it can be done.. but it's really hard. Why not wait a couple years? Enjoy being with your partner for a little while longer.. get established on your own.. it'll make life so much easier if you're used to living on your own and you're a little older. Not that you can't be a good parent now, it'll just be EASIER later... do you understand what I'm trying to say?

Totally agree :)


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## Ninewest

If you a baby so much and want to be the best mother you can, wait a few years so that you can then guarantee that you can put food on their table and keep a roof over their head.


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## Paxton

I say go for it if you want to. It'll be ore difficult for you guys than older people... With you walking around all preg, you're going to get glares and rude comments a lot of the time from people you don't even know. If you're afraid of how people will react so much that you ask what we think of it, then maybe you should deal with that first. Because you WILL, absolutely GUARANTEED, get bad responses out in the world and you gotta be prepared to deal with that.


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## Samanthavv

There's so much wrong with this...

At seventeen, you should be thinking about school, your education, getting a career going, saving money for your first home. Believe me, throwing money away on rent after you have a baby is terrible, and trying to save for a down payment is even worse.

Why not spend the next 2 or 3 years preparing yourselves for a baby? Doing everything you can to make sure that your life and living conditions are perfect and ideal to bring a baby into?


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## Kota

This is a really great thread with some fantastic responses. Just wanted to add my views to the mix, 

While I agree that you sound very mature for your age, and yes, it does sound like you know what you want and have a plan, at 17/18, as much as I know you don't realise this, but you've still got soooo much 'growing up' to do over the next 3-4years, The boyfriend I had at 19 I was so in love with, and while 10yrs on we remain very good close friends, I couldn't be more glad that he's not he father of my expected baby. It's not just about having an education/travelling/living together/being married, but more about LIFE EXPERIENCES, don't you want to be able to give your child the best upbringing you can? To do that, I believe you need to have experienced as much as you can yourself, to be able to pass those lessons on, and when you're little baby brings home a school project on 'something' you can recall one of YOUR experiences to help them with that. 
I wish you good luck with your choices and hope you make the decision that will be best for both you, your OH and your future child.


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## CurlySue

I don't understand why you would try for a baby, a lifelong commitment and a little human being brought into the world, when you and your boyfriend have not even lived together and are quite happy to 'make do' with a garage to bring up your baby in until you 'find something better'. 

A child deserves the best from the get-go. A baby should not have to 'make do' with anything. You should always make sure that you are in the perfect situation before you make the conscious decision to have a child, by perfect I mean a stable home, financial security and independence. I understand that accidents happen and sometimes children are conceived in less than ideal circumstances but you are talking about making a conscious effort to conceive a child. 

Have you heard that old ryme? "First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes the baby in the baby carriage." It might seem traditional, but it's the most sensible way of doing things. You fall in love. You live with someone. If that works out, you get married and you have a child. Or, if you don't believe in marriage, you simply move onto the next step because it's logical, because you've progressed that way. 

How do you know that you and your boyfriend can live with each other? I've known so many people who seem perfect together yet the minute they move in with each other, they realise they cannot co-exist. You are talking about having a child before you have even tested this water. What if you have this child then realise that you cannot co-exist? You will then have to put this child through the trauma of having two teenage parents not even living together and splitting the child's time between the two of them. 

You have to think of the child before you think of yourself. If you and your boyfriend as as perfect for each other as you think you are then you will still want this baby in a year's time, perhaps, when you've lived together, or when you've found a place to live that's not in your boyfriend's 'garage' - a place suited for a car, not a baby, and not befitting a precious child. 

Make your home. Settle in with your boyfriend. Give it time, see how that goes, and if its still perfect THEN try for the baby.


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## AP

layola said:


> Financially, we both have jobs at the moment and would save up before, and during the pregnancy, housing-wise, we both live at home, but the boyfriend has a sort of garage that could be turned into a 'make-do' living space while we find a place of our own.

Now I'm on the PC I'll reply better.

i think it is a wise to move to save up well in advance beforehand. i am in awe of the girls in WTT who are saving up before even trying. I didnt, but it would have been a better idea.

However I dont think either staying at home or in a make-do home in a garage is fair or right to bring a child into if you have the time now to set up a stable home in advance.

When you get an actually house of your own you'll have to see how things are when you and you OH live 24/7 together on your own. its very different. Then you've got to decorate and get things for your house, and you've got bills to pay etc. I must say if i had to pay rent on the house i live in I dont think there would be a reason for us to TTC. We both have good, finacial secure jobs but if we had the added pressure of simply rent and a few other things we are lucky not to have, theres no way we would think about bringing a child into a struggling life.

I also have to admit that at 17 with my ex we did consider TTC. I honestley thought he was the one and things were perfect, but looking back there is no way things would have been right! I loved my late teens and i cant imagine not having them now!!! Neither was I a big drinker, didnt go clubbing etc, but still!

Looking back I wish I thought about what I know now. I know now that relationships are very hard work. We started TTC last year. It was an emotional rollercoaster.But I was convinced we were 100% ready and our relationship was unbreakable.

Now that i am pregnant i sometimes wish perhaps I spent a little more time building my relationship with OH before this, and we have been together for 4 years and known each other for 5! Its easy to get caught up in the idea.

You are prob mature enough. but get yourself a place for you and OH and build your life before bringing a child into it. 

Neither a garage or living at home is not the right place to start TTC!


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## Babydance

Hey hun i've read through all the posts and some seem to be a bit harsh.

I met my, now, DH when i was 15 i was still at school and he worked in McDonalds (he was 18 ) I have always wanted babies since i can remember and we too were more mature for our age. We waited and decided it would be best to get married first and save plenty, so at 19 we got our first mortgage a 3 bed house in a nice place. DH starting working on the rigs after finishing his training he now earns enough for a new porsche in the drive and for me not to work. 
I truley believe if we had had babies earlier he would not have gone away to train to go offshore and be able to provide as well as he now does (we only saw each other on a Friday and Saturday night for a good 2 years whilst he was training so it was really tough but we got through it and it made us much stronger!!)
We are now married and expecting our first baby very soon.

But in saying all this only you can decide whether you and your OH are truely ready for a baby so although plenty people will advise/tell you what to do only you two can decide. 

Hope this helps hun and all the best for the future! xxx


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## lozzy21

I think some of the comments have been alittle harsh but the points have been verry good. Nothing can prepare you for living with your OH. We never argued at all untill we moved intogether, they have all these annoying habits you dident know about. I agree that you should think about saving up and gettin your own place and spend some time as a couple before bringing an LO into the world. Babys are expensive and i mean realy expensive your looking at a grand or so before baby is even born. Do you realy thing a garage is in ideal place to bring up a baby? Have you discused this idea with his parents?
I have been with my OH for 3 years, lived together for 2 and are waiting another 2 years before ttc as we want to spend some time just us, be able to go on holiday and to save up to give the LO the best start possable. As some of the other girls have said there is a fair few women on here that are now single mums because their partners walked on on them after a PLANNED pregnacy, some of these have been together for years. You sound like an intelagant person but i think you need to think a bit more into this.


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## CurlySue

At the end of the day, sometimes people need to be spoken to straight. 17 is not legally 'adult' yet. It's above the age of consent, but an 18 year old is still legally classified as a child. We should be supportive to young girls who have found themselves pregnant but this is a 17 year old girl who has not got a place of her own and has not lived with her boyfriend. It would be irresponsible of us to encourage it and so we are giving honest advice. It might sound harsh, but remember, there could be a baby involved very shortly and a 17 year old girl needs to be fully informed before she starts making conscious decisions to bring a child into the world. It's not a decision to be taken lightly. We all think we're mature at that age, we all think that our relationships are strong and perfect but our advice to her is that she needs to live with her boyfriend and gain some stability first. 

That's responsible, not harsh.


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## Samanthavv

lozzy21 said:


> Babys are expensive and i mean realy expensive your looking at a grand or so before baby is even born.

Only $1,000? Try more.

Especially if you have complications. 

One prenatal visit a month for six months at about $150 a visit= $900
Two ultrasounds (usually the standard at 8-10 weeks, and again at 6-7 months)= $800
Maternity clothes (even buying them used can get pricy)= $250
Prenatal vitamins at $10 a bottle= $90

So there's $2,040 already... and you haven't even bought a crib or baby clothes, or anything!

Not to mention, if you have any warning signs, or need to make an ER visit (pregnant women should be especially cautious while pregnant, even with viruses and dehydration) that will cost another $1,000-$5,000 depending what's wrong...

Not to mention the delivery...

My emergency cesarean section was $22,000 JUST for me. My daughter's care was another $4,000. All expenses we hadn't expected... We had anticipated a normal birth.


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## Babydance

CurlySue said:


> At the end of the day, sometimes people need to be spoken to straight. 17 is not legally 'adult' yet. It's above the age of consent, but an 18 year old is still legally classified as a child. We should be supportive to young girls who have found themselves pregnant but this is a 17 year old girl who has not got a place of her own and has not lived with her boyfriend. It would be irresponsible of us to encourage it and so we are giving honest advice. It might sound harsh, but remember, there could be a baby involved very shortly and a 17 year old girl needs to be fully informed before she starts making conscious decisions to bring a child into the world. It's not a decision to be taken lightly. We all think we're mature at that age, we all think that our relationships are strong and perfect but our advice to her is that she needs to live with her boyfriend and gain some stability first.
> 
> That's responsible, not harsh.


When i said harsh some people on here were harsh, not informative. Some other posts (aswell as your post) has been informative, but some other people were thrusting their views a little too strongly.


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## tasha41

This isn't a place where TTC under 18 is supported.. and I don't think that any of us should really be encouraging it really either :)


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## Babydance

tasha41 said:


> This isn't a place where TTC under 18 is supported.. and I don't think that any of us should really be encouraging it really either :)

I agree, and as i said in my post i am so pleased that me and DH waited as we're now 22 & 25 and married xxx


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## tasha41

^ I was just putting it out there.. not aimed at you specifically but there are a lot of posts that I thought made it sound like it's a good idea.


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## Babydance

tasha41 said:


> ^ I was just putting it out there.. not aimed at you specifically but there are a lot of posts that I thought made it sound like it's a good idea.

No, no i know hun i didnt take it that way xx


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## jillypoop

Samanthavv said:


> lozzy21 said:
> 
> 
> Babys are expensive and i mean realy expensive your looking at a grand or so before baby is even born.
> 
> Only $1,000? Try more.
> 
> Especially if you have complications.
> 
> One prenatal visit a month for six months at about $150 a visit= $900
> Two ultrasounds (usually the standard at 8-10 weeks, and again at 6-7 months)= $800
> Maternity clothes (even buying them used can get pricy)= $250
> Prenatal vitamins at $10 a bottle= $90
> 
> So there's $2,040 already... and you haven't even bought a crib or baby clothes, or anything!
> 
> Not to mention, if you have any warning signs, or need to make an ER visit (pregnant women should be especially cautious while pregnant, even with viruses and dehydration) that will cost another $1,000-$5,000 depending what's wrong...
> 
> Not to mention the delivery...
> 
> My emergency cesarean section was $22,000 JUST for me. My daughter's care was another $4,000. All expenses we hadn't expected... We had anticipated a normal birth.Click to expand...


Hi hun, I think lozzy21 meant £1000 in buying things such as crib etc etc as in the UK we have the NHS so don't pay for the medical side. 
Just thought I should say that so we don't get our wires crossed and confused (which doesn't take much for me!)

xxx


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## sparkswillfly

honeybee2 said:


> what ever you do- dont TRY and get pregnant at your age- please!!!!* women were given rights and the vote so you didnt have to go through this sooo young!* if your looking for a milestone in yourlife- try college or uni... but please dont do this so young. wait for a for a few years!!! at least untill you live together!
> good luck and best wishes. x

thats really patronising...


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## sparkswillfly

and you cant bring a baby up in a garage :shock:

you need a 2 bedroom place. I only have one bedroom at the moment and its a nightmare.


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## AppleBlossom

Does she mean a garage as in, lounge, kitchen, bedroom all in one?


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## tasha41

^ I think she meant a finished garage.. like one you could park a car in but has been transformed into some sort of temporary living space...


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## sparkswillfly

A garage to me means where you park your car....

an all in one is a studio flat or bedsit.....


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## AppleBlossom

sparkswillfly said:


> A garage to me means where you park your car....
> 
> an all in one is a studio flat or bedsit.....

Yeah that's what I meant lol


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## sarah1989

I think you just know when you are ready, as long as the house is sutable for your child then I say go for it, as long as finances are in good standing!


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## Always&amp;4ever

As it has been said BnB do not support under 18's TTC. I thought things were fine with my partner till we moved in together, now we have so many problems its unbelievable. I was 23 when I fell pg with my daughter OH was 21, whilst I understand how much you want a baby, it is wise to get yourself a house/flat etc and make sure you are stable enough financially, maybe live together first and see how it goes from there. Whatever you decide, good luck x


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## lozzy21

Samanthavv said:


> lozzy21 said:
> 
> 
> Babys are expensive and i mean realy expensive your looking at a grand or so before baby is even born.
> 
> Only $1,000? Try more.
> 
> Especially if you have complications.
> 
> One prenatal visit a month for six months at about $150 a visit= $900
> Two ultrasounds (usually the standard at 8-10 weeks, and again at 6-7 months)= $800
> Maternity clothes (even buying them used can get pricy)= $250
> Prenatal vitamins at $10 a bottle= $90
> 
> So there's $2,040 already... and you haven't even bought a crib or baby clothes, or anything!
> 
> 
> Not to mention, if you have any warning signs, or need to make an ER visit (pregnant women should be especially cautious while pregnant, even with viruses and dehydration) that will cost another $1,000-$5,000 depending what's wrong...
> 
> Not to mention the delivery...
> 
> My emergency cesarean section was $22,000 JUST for me. My daughter's care was another $4,000. All expenses we hadn't expected... We had anticipated a normal birth.Click to expand...

We're in the uk and you dont pay for any medical bills, everything is free in the nhs. So the grand fuggure is just for the essentials such as the buggy,cot and clothes.
Your also not taking into account the exchange rate which at the mo is crap but you still get more $ for your £


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## DragonMummy

I would recommend living together for a year first then if all is still rosy and you want to get cracking then go for it. But if you can't live together then you certainly shouldn't be thinking about babies! Get the foundations all sorted then the rest will come naturally.


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## Always&amp;4ever

DragonMummy said:


> I would recommend living together for a year first then if all is still rosy and you want to get cracking then go for it. But if you can't live together then you certainly shouldn't be thinking about babies! Get the foundations all sorted then the rest will come naturally.

Agreed


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## LucyEmma

Jazzy said:


> DragonMummy said:
> 
> 
> I would recommend living together for a year first then if all is still rosy and you want to get cracking then go for it. But if you can't live together then you certainly shouldn't be thinking about babies! Get the foundations all sorted then the rest will come naturally.
> 
> AgreedClick to expand...

I agree with that too.


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## Smexi.Mommie

ok well all in all this is ur choice ill just give u what ive got ok....
i was 17 when i got prego me and my bf are together have a 3 bedtown house he has a job and we are doing fairly well 

sure haivng all that to start is great but babies wake up in the middle of the night to eat and be cuddled and always need attention the frist few months i love my baby boy and so glad i have him but 

theres also the toll it takes on ur relationships and sex life..... 

cleaning and showring and eat all become really hard things to accoplish (i suc at spelling) i thought i was ready for Kaidayn but in reality i wasnt even with what i had before he came i dont regret my son i wudnt change what i have now for anything but i cud have waited. so just think about it get a secure place save money diapers and formula is expensive enless u breastfeed.... which i wasnt strong enuff to do but they grow outta clothes so fast. but also rember that when they smile its amasing and when they giggle i melts ur heart every lil accoplishment they make makes ur life 10 times better knowing u helped them get there. 

They depend on u soley for there care and if ur not ready to commit to 18 years or more to this child then wait till u are.


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## XsarahGrace

It's not easy, my pregnancy was unplanned and i'd been with my other half for two years, 
and your emotcions and the changes alone can be scary for men to cope with even if you are more matture, i tried living with my other half properly for a week and he drives me nuts, i noticed the way he drinks, the way he chews, try living together like some of the others have mentioned, being together all the time is not something rosey, yeah it may be alright for a few days but he may drive you mad, and if you do get pregnant his feelings my get mixed, you should really wait, i wouldn't change whats happening to me for the world, and although i was scared i'm proud of my unborn child but i just wish circumstances had been better and i was a little bit older, and had lived with my other half first.


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## Peanut78

At the end of the day, as has been mentioned numerous time BnB doesn't support under 18's TTC - which I think there are very valid reasons for... 

Sorry to say nor do I think: 

_"the boyfriend has a sort of garage that could be turned into a 'make-do' living space while we find a place of our own."_

Shows maturity in factoring ttc....

xx


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## AP

I agree with Peanut, the more I think about it, the more wrong it sounds!


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## layola

Just managed to get on here to reply... woah i didnt think that i would have 7 pages to read when i got back!!!

Firstly the garage isn't anything spesh, it'd just be like our own space in the boyfriends house, we'd still have to use his house for the kitchen and bathroom and everything, i know that its not a good idea, it would be the *last* resort, trust me ahaha.

And to be honest i really dont think any of the posts have been too harsh, i mean if i did have a child i'd have to deal with the stereotyping and the comments all the time wouldnt i?! I understand that you all know from experience, and thats what i wanted when i signed up to this forum, just wanted to know opinions and what people thought about things.

Me and the boyfriend have been together for a year and a half, its been a tough time though so i know if we can make it through that we are a very strong couple and as for living together, we cant wait, we spend almost every night together, it would just be nice to have our own place, and be able to do what we want for a change. I'm holidaying for a week with him soon, so i guess thats the big test X)

Oh and i know and respect that BnB *doesn't encourage ttc to under 18ns* i'd be waiting till i'm 18 anyway as i'd be more financially stable then. And it gives me time to plan. I didnt want encouragement either way, i wanted advise and thats what i got :)

i think that as much as i would like to have a family, i realise that i need a house... i'd love to be in a house that i can decorate and put all the pram and cots and things and make it my own, but due to the recession there arent many options for me at this time. i look on the net and in papers all the time but theres just nothing at the moment.

there is one thing that i do strongly agree with and that is that you cant help when your ready for a family. I mean if i could not be broody and get on with my life i would, then i would think about children at a more 'normal' age. But the fact is, i cant help it, so instead of trying to ignore it (which i've done for a long time now) i'm using my time to get myself as prepared as i can for when the time comes. Especially now i've found my soul mate, it gives me more reason to want to think about it, becuse it seems that everythings falling into place perfectly - just at the wrong age, because 17/18 is a socially unacceptable age to be thinking about happy families and marriage these days. And like i say, if i could change how i feel i would, its just my age doesn't give me credit for where i am in my life (if that makes any sense).

Its a really hard situation to be in for me, but i think that every post on this thread has made me think about things, and i dont know what i want to do, but that means that i'll be waiting till i'm sure of what i want :)

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU to everyone :):)


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## Amy-Lea

If that's how you see it, then you have thought things through, good luck to you both :hugs: I really hope it works for you x


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## IrishBaby1109

I'd say wait and live a little before having a baby. I'm glad to read you sound pretty level headed but you are still only 17. I remember being 17 and the world looked a lot different back then. I wanted a baby, I remember that, but I knew better. I needed to grow, change, learn more about the world and have more experiences before settling into life as a mother. I have been with my OH for years now and we have a firm relationship that has withstood some major earthquakes. I think you need to live together for at least a year and get settled with finances before making such a committment for the rest of your life. I mean you sound mature, so what's waiting a few years?? You are 17, it's highly unlikely it will be hard for you to conceive. Like you I'm not someone who's out on the town and in party fever as most people I know are- but you still need your freedom time. Time to be an adult and enjoy being careless and whimsical. Pick up and go on a vacation, see some of the world, and better yourself so you can be a better mom. I don't think I could have taught my child all the things I'm able to now, if I didn't have some life experience. You have your whole life for your child once they are here- so enjoy the time you have now. I'd say 5 years so you have some finances, established career, a home, have some life under your belt, and your relationship has withstood some turmoil but still managed. I wish you all the best, glad you are thinking things through- best of luck to you guys, whatever you choose... :hugs:


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## Blah11

I'd advise you to wait but ofc it's your decision. If you go ahead with TTC then I really suggest you sort out housing before hand. I just bought a new house and you have NO idea how exhausting it is trying to decorate the place. It's been a lot of painting whilst the baby is asleep and staying up until after midnight building furniture and getting up at 6am when Amelie wants to :dohh:

Anyway good luck with whatever you decide to do.


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## Blah11

Also, do you have any friend with a baby? Maybe suggest to them if it would be alright to take care of the baby for a day so you get a better idea of what it will be like. It's all the little things that I never thought of. Things like not being able to just jump in the shower, or even go to the toilet without thinking. And you get used to eating your food cold LOL


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## xBlackBeautyx

Peanut78 said:


> At the end of the day, as has been mentioned numerous time BnB doesn't support under 18's TTC - which I think there are very valid reasons for...
> 
> Sorry to say nor do I think:
> 
> _"the boyfriend has a sort of garage that could be turned into a 'make-do' living space while we find a place of our own."_
> 
> Shows maturity in factoring ttc....
> 
> xx

I totally agree! To be honest it's quite scary because you sound like me at 17. I was totally in love with my boyfriend. We both were earning money and I thought about moving in with him but looking back, I am so glad my cousin was there to tell me what an idiot I was being. He had just had a baby boy and told me all about the joys of parenting. Its not just buying nappies and formula, neither is it the getting up in the middle of the night, not having time to feed yourself or shower untill your OH gets home. It's knowing that you are responsible for another human being that for a very long time, is and will be totally dependant on you. It might not seem like much now, but the reality of that is just setting in for me, and I'm not gonna lie, it's a scary prospect. At 17, I was taking home just over £1000 a month and I thought I was tweet. My house bills alone come to just under £900 let alone travel expenses, food, leisure and baby stuff. 
I'm 20 now and I earn very good money, have a lovely husband and home and am expecting a lil boy. But I want to go back to college. Had I thought about things properly, I would have waited till I had some real savings and finished my education. You may feel really headstrong now and know exactly what you want in life, but broodiness is not enough to start a family. There are so many girls on here that got pregnant and whilst they don't regret their babies one bit, wish they were more stable, finished their education or even had savings. You have a real chance to give your child the absolute best just by waiting that bit longer - and garage space is by no means the best. You're only 17, go out and experience life first. Really get to know your boyfriend and save save save. 
At 17, I bet you're super-fertile, there's no rush....just wait a bit x


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## Aidan's Mummy

Just going to add my thoughts

I'm 17 and i have a 5 month old baby boy. He wasnt planned and i was so shocked when i became pregnant. Yes I am a teen mum and i support all teen mums trying to do their best for their child

But to get pregnant on purpose at the age of 17 is immature in it's self to me and pure stupidity.

For one. You say you dont care about loosing your independance etc. You will loose that yes but gain a huge responsibility. No only will you have to love that child but you will have to feed it, change it, care for it, play and be a good role model. 

"The boy friend has a kinda garage we can make into a sort of living space until we find a place"

Say what!! What if you cant find a place?? how will u heat it in the winter?? All things you need to consider.

And most of all babies arnt something you can get rid of when u get fed up babies are for life.

just my thoughts :D
xx


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## xxCarolinexx

Hi Layola,

I haven't really read through the whold thread - just your first post. But I wanted to comment as I was in a similar position to yourself a few years ago.

I had my little boy when I was aged 19. *He is the best thing that has ever happened to me!!* Myself & my partner planned our son and have not had one day of regret since because we knew it was right for us. And we knew we could give a child the most loving, stable and caring home in the world. (And of course, provide all financial aspects aswell.)

The only thing that I would be concerned about (in your case) is organising a more stable/permanent living space first. This is really important and you should think it through thoroughly as it will become more difficult when there's a baby involved:baby: and you have less cash to take into the equation. So I WOULD get this sorted before trying to conceive (if I were you). That's just my opinion.

I can understand why people would show concern about your age. However, they do not know you personally and I don't think that based on age alone, that anyone can make the assumption that you *wouldn't* make as good parents as any other "happily in love" couple out there! Similarly, people cannot assume that every couple in their 20's/30's will be the best parents to a child just because of their age. Some are far from it!!!

Basically, the decision is down to you and your partner. You both need to think it through and go through EVERY aspect of having a baby (in full detail). Look at *all* the in's and out's. Think about the future and how it will affect you both. 
If after doing this, you are sure it is right for you and you can provide all that is needed for a stable & happy upbringing for a child, then I wish you both the best of luck hun. xx :hugs:


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## katieeandbump

i think u know urself if ur ready.. if u love ur boyfriend and he loves u bak whos to say ur too young ? if u can finacially look after a baby then why not :) people in their 30tis have babies they dont want or with people they dont know! theres always going to be something thats not perfect :) im 17 and my bfs 21 we love eachother so much its unbeliveable we live together too and i am pregnant :) i dont care about what every1 else says im happy and thats all that matters :) good luck xxxx


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## BlackBerry25

I just think you really do not know your OH until you have lived with them. Moving in together is a usually a huge change and a bit stressful while you really get to know each other. I know you think you spend every day together, but really you don't REALLY know a person until you live with them.

#2, a baby adds even more stress to the mix. I have lived with my OH for over 6 years and having a baby is the hardest thing we have had to deal with. I am 24, and it is really really really hard.


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## tasha41

^ second that! Not even living with OH either.. pregnancy was fine for our relationship, it actually improved a lot while I was pregnant (not that we had problems to begin with)... but now that baby's here it's different. Things are still going well but it does change your relationship A LOT. I can totally see why a lot of people have relationship problems immediately after the baby. I've been told the first 3-6 months with a new baby are the absolute worst months of a relationship.


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## Blah11

Can I just say that NOTHING prepares you for a baby. No matter how much babysitting you do and how much you think you know about them, its nothing compared to having your own.


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## Happy

Blah11 said:


> Can I just say that NOTHING prepares you for a baby. No matter how much babysitting you do and how much you think you know about them, its nothing compared to having your own.

Completely agree, it hits you like a tonne of bricks.


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## MoonMuffin

Hun just because you know you are ready to have a baby, doesn't mean you should right away. I'm not talking about age (hey I'm 19 with an almost 9 month old girl and I have a wonderful hubby), but you guys don't even have your own place. My 'lil girl was unplanned, so we're stuck in my MIL's house. I have to say it is just awful trying to live your own life and raise a child in someone else's home. There is always the "this is my house, you will do what I ask" so you really don't feel all that grown up, and there is the constant feeling of wanting to get out of there where you can have enough space (all 3 of us living in one room, though large, SUCKS), your own kitchen, etc. 
I also think you should have a good chunk of money saved up, it cost so so so much more then you think it will to have a baby. All the clothes, formula, diapers, crib, dresser, changing table, toys, stroller, infant carseat, big carseat, high chair, etc. Then as they get older they need more clothes, baby food, still in diapers, more toys (bigger and more expensive ones), and then eventually you have to pay for birthday parties, pre school, etc. Are you able to live off just your OH's paycheck if you'll be staying home with the baby (or if you'll be working too will you be able to pay for childcare?)
Ask yourself if your ready to get up as early as 5 am EVERY morning, deal with crying/whining all day when the baby is ill or teething (and there are lots of teeth!), having to take care of a baby even if your sick with a fever and hunched over the toilet throwing up (cause no one can help you and OH can't stay home because you need every cent he makes to get by)?
are you ready for 9 months of pregnancy and all that it entails? Have you done everything you've wanted to do before having kids (gone on vacation, taken certain classes, etc.)?
Are you ready to have no friends and be alone a lot of the time? Are you ready to have no time to yourself (even to grab a shower or go to the bathroom), and no time between you and DH?(my mom babysits maybe once a month if we're lucky, our last date night was 2 and a half months after our last one!)

I don't mean to be harsh, but having a baby is just so different then you could ever imagine. That said its full of joy too, I love my daughter more then anything and I'm so grateful to have her in my life, she brings so much happiness to my life. Its just made life hard, just going out to get a coffee is hard (not even worth it to me) since you have to: pack a diaper bag, make sure baby is changed and dressed, grab a bottle, strap baby into carseat (a battle in itself!), drive to the store (with crying cause they threw their bottle and want it back), get there, take baby out of car seat, change diaper, put baby in stroller (another strap in battle), go get what you need from the store (and keep them entertained the whole time-easier said then done), make another bottle, pay, get back to the car and get them in the carseat again, put the stroller away and get home! Whew, so much effort! 
Again I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything, she's such a light in my life and I can't imagine life with out her, but if I could have this exact baby a few years later I would wait. I took such advantage of going to school and now wish I'd taken it more seriously, I wish I could just take a class or 2 now, I miss doing my art so badly, I don't even have time to sketch anymore. So really really think about it and good luck with whatever you decide.


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## 321mummy2b

*i agree with shaunanicole it really is a struggle. I am 17 and it was unplanned also. 95% if the time probably more pregnancy puts alot of strain on a relationship and its best to be 110% sure before you TTC (above the age of 18). Wish you all the best x*


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