# How do you deal with sibling gender dissapointment?



## BlueHadeda

The background:
I always wanted babies, as far back as I can remember, but specifically a little girl. When I found out I was pregnant (after some medical issues) for the first time, I was ecstatic even though I just instinctively knew it was a boy. I didn't care too much, though the nagging longing for a little girl just got stronger. We were team yellow until my eldest was born, and I was in love from the get go with my gorgeous son.

Two years later, we tried with the Shettles method for a little girl. It worked! I was over the moon when at 14 weeks they annouced it being a little girl. We had our pigeon pair. But life wasn't easy with her. From the start, everything went wrong. Despite it all, I loved her fiercely and still thank God every day that I got to have a little girl. Even if she has numerous issues and problems and is the most stubborn person I know. She's put me and her dad through the mill, but I will never exchange her for anything in this world. She's the daughter I prayed for for 30 long years.

But I wasn't done. My husband was, so I pleaded for another baby. He agreed, but said then he prefers it to be a boy if it's possible. I agreed, just desperate to have another baby, even though I secretly wished and prayed that it would be another girl. We again used the Shettles method, and again (unfortunately so this time), it worked. My husband got his 2nd boy. I had no problem bonding with baby because I was just super happy that I was getting another child. He turned out to be as complacent and sweet as his brother, and he quickly became the spill around which the whole family turned.

Then the sadness hit me again. I wanted another. Hubby wanted nothing to do with it. He refused. I cried and cried and sank into a depression. So hubby came around, his heart just broke for me. He agreed and that we could try for a little girl. But I got my dates wrong, I was confused and I don't really know what happened. But we ended up with the "boys-recipy". We're team yellow until birth, but somehow I'm feeling I'm having another boy. I can't be sure this time, sometimes I feel it could be a girl, but then I think it's just wishful thinking. Hubby is thinking this is a boy. It feels like a boy. Baby kicks and moves like my boys did. And at the 12+5 week scan (when we still thought we wanted to know the gender), the dr announced that baby "still looks like a boy". She said all babies start out looking like boys, and that this one still looks like one, so it's either a boy, or it could still possibly turn into a girl. Thereafter, we had a family vote where I was outvoted (I didn't mind much at all!) for finding out the gender. Everyone else said they wanted to wait until birth. So we turned team Yellow.

But. My daughter is just like I am. Since being about age 2, she wanted a baby, specifically a little girl. So when I fell pregnant with my 3rd (2nd boy) we warned her that it could be a boy. Once we knew at 13 weeks, we prepared her as well as you can prepare a 4-year old that she's getting a little brother, not a little sister. She was dissapointed, but being only 4, excepted it without too much hassles.

Now, she's almost 9, and she desperately wants a sister. She cried when I told her this will be our last baby. She loves babies and wants 9 of her own! And she aches for a little sister. I'm trying to prepare her that it will most likely be a little boy, and that she must remember that a baby is a baby. That in the beginning it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl, the baby will need cuddles when it cries, it will drink milk, it will have nappies and cute little outfits and will laugh and gurgle at everything the older siblings does or say. The baby will adore her just like her little brother does. And that she will be able to play doll with a boy as much as a little girl. But still, she knows that at one point, baby will turn into a boy and will stop being soft and loving and cuddly. That he won't want cutex on his nails when he's 6, or have ponytails or play Barbie with her when he's 9. She doesn't understand really that her own desire for playing Barbie will be long gone when this baby is 9, LOL. But I do understand her desire for a sister. I have one, and she means the world to me. I would LOVE to give my daughter a sister. Someone that can support and love her as my sister does for me.

So how do I handle my daughter's desire for a sister, and if this turns out to be another boy, her dissapointment? She keeps on saying she'll love the new baby if it's a boy, but she will cry with his birth. It makes me so sad. :cry: Because I'll have to deal with her dissapointment in never having a sister, as much as I will have to deal with my own dissapointment in never having another girl (I promised my husband I'll let them tie my tubes during my c-section this time). So no more babies for me after this one. :cry:

Thanx for reading!


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## more babies

:hugs:


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## Adela Quested

BlueHadeda said:


> She keeps on saying she'll love the new baby if it's a boy, but she will cry with his birth. It makes me so sad. :cry:

When I read this I thought that your daughter sounded very mature for her age and sounds like she knows herself really well! She's preparing you - and herself - for the fact that she will suffer some initial disappointment if she gets a new brother rather than a new sister ... but she will love the new baby regardless.

Obviously I don't have much to go on here but based on that, I would say that you can just worry about your own feelings and reactions, your daughter has it all sorted already! It sounds like you have told her all the right things. :thumbup:

I really hope you get what you want :hugs:


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## BlueHadeda

Adela Quested said:


> BlueHadeda said:
> 
> 
> She keeps on saying she'll love the new baby if it's a boy, but she will cry with his birth. It makes me so sad. :cry:
> 
> When I read this I thought that your daughter sounded very mature for her age and sounds like she knows herself really well! She's preparing you - and herself - for the fact that she will suffer some initial disappointment if she gets a new brother rather than a new sister ... but she will love the new baby regardless.Click to expand...

Wow, you know what, I think you may be right! I never thought about it like that. It makes me feel better, thank you!


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## Adela Quested

BlueHadeda said:


> Adela Quested said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> BlueHadeda said:
> 
> 
> She keeps on saying she'll love the new baby if it's a boy, but she will cry with his birth. It makes me so sad. :cry:
> 
> When I read this I thought that your daughter sounded very mature for her age and sounds like she knows herself really well! She's preparing you - and herself - for the fact that she will suffer some initial disappointment if she gets a new brother rather than a new sister ... but she will love the new baby regardless.Click to expand...
> 
> Wow, you know what, I think you may be right! I never thought about it like that. It makes me feel better, thank you!Click to expand...

That made me smile :flower: If it has helped at all, then I'm really glad. I wasn't trying to be Pollyanna, it was honestly what I thought when I read it. :hugs:


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