# Water birth after waters have broken?



## disneydarling

I had my girl 3 months ago, and I was so excited to have a water birth.

I had a lovely straightforward pregnancy, and my labour started at home by my waters breaking, and contractions started soon after. When I got to triage a few hours later, I was 4cm and ready to be admitted, but they wouldn't let me go to the birth centre to have my water birth because they said that if your labour starts with waters breaking you are not allowed one.

I had a very upsetting birth experience. In a moment of weakness I asked for an epi, and rather than talk me out of it which was the most important note on my birth plan, my husband and midwife encouraged me to get it, which resulted on me laying on my back, and baby moving sideways, and then an emergency c-section. I hate myself for this because I believe I am 100% to blame for having no will power to try harder for what I wanted.

This is probably doing me no good, but I've done a quick google and found plenty of people have had a water birth after their waters breaking at home. I am so devastated about this because now I feel even more that I am to blame for the situation, I should have fought for my water birth. 

All I really want to know is if any of you had a water birth after your waters breaking at home and did it all go smoothly?


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## Amygdala

I'm sorry to say I did. Never even heard of that being an issue? I'd take it up with the hospital, just to get some closure. You can request a "birth debrief" meeting, at which you could discuss this. 
Anyway, please don't blame yourself! I had an unmediated water birth, as I'd planned. But honestly, if anyone had offered me drugs or an epi, let alone encouraged me to take them, I would have agreed without a second though. You cannot blame yourself for not having enough "will power" when in active labour! You're not yourself and you're certainly not calm or fully rational enough to make that kind of decision. I'd be upset at the midwife not sticking to your birth plan and I'd certainly have a word with OH to make sure he supports you better next time. Don't blame him either though, he'll have been scared and confused by you asking for the epi and would probably have done anything to make you feel better at that moment. Talking about it would definitely be a good start though, just don't accuse. 
And lastly: Is your little girl healthy? In the end, isn't that all that matters? I completely understand you being upset at not getting the birth you'd hoped for (I was, for different reasons). But what's done is done and the trauma will fade and the more you actively try to let it go, the sooner you'll feel better about it. You did not fail. You are not to blame. It went differently than you would have wanted, but it got your little girl here safe and everything turned out ok in the end. :hugs:


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## juhnayrae

I had a natural birth at the hospital a few weeks ago. Although I didn't birth in the water, I did labor in it quite a bit. My waters never broke on their own, my midwife broke them for me (after DH and I asked her to in the hopes of speeding up labor) but I was still allowed to get in the pool after that. My midwife never mentioned things changing after she broke my waters. :shrug:


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## juhnayrae

Also, don't beat yourself up. :hugs: I was in hard labor for the last 5 hours (20 in total) and near the end I got pretty hysterical. DH did ask if I wanted something for the pain (he felt so helpless watching me and not being able to do anything) and I know he would've encouraged me to do it if my midwife had also suggested it. At that point I would've done it if my midwife had suggested it too, I was in so much pain.

Labor is no walk in the park. The pain is unimaginable and the only thing that got me through was my incredible support team, especially my midwife who knew I really wanted a natural birth and knew exactly how to support me in that. So don't beat yourself up! I hope next time around you get the birth experience you want!


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## disneydarling

Thank you both for awnsering.

You are right, I am so lucky to have a healthy daughter, and I wouldn't change that for the world. But I didn't NEED a c-section for her to be born healthy, when they took me in for the surgery, there was nothing wrong with either of us, they just didn't think she was in the right position to be pushed out. I think if I'd had the c-section because she was in danger then I wouldn't feel like this.

I've tried talking to my husband about it, but he doesn't take me seriously. Having my daughter has made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, so of course nobody takes this small problem that is upsetting me seriously. If I see a birth on TV or hear somebody talking about birth I just start crying and can't stop. The only think that makes me feel better is a cuddle or smile from my lovely baby, she makes me feel so much better, but I can't go in for the rest of my life crying when somebody mentions birth.

I have never heard of a birth debrief meeting, I might look into it but I have no idea how to go about it though. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and he has always been the most amazing, wonderful, supportive man, I think he just freaked out when I was in so much pain and just didn't do what he was supposed to do to help me out.

In some ways I wish I hadn't asked, because it's making me more upset to know that I really could have had my water birth, but I feel like I have to feel these feelings if I am to ever get over it.


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## Amygdala

You will. The trauma wears off, I promise. But if you think it's help, do look into a birth debrief. Your health visitor should be able to direct you or you could phone the midwife (team) who looked after you.


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## disneydarling

Thank you, I'm taking my girl to be weighed this week so I'm going to talk to the health visitor while I'm there!


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## irish_cob

There are birth trauma counsellors too, not very many in the UK admittedly, but they do exist. Lori Fitzgerald is one. I had a lot of sessions with her after the birth of my daughter, not so much for birth trauma - although like you I had an emergency section - but because of various post natal issues. She is based in West Yorkshire but she does sessions by Skype I think, and also might be able to help you find someone closer to connect with. She's passionate about supporting women and about the affect of birth trauma, so definitely worth a phone call I think. (And no I'm not on commission haha!)

Google for LifeBoost UK. I don't know if I'm allowed to provide links on here.

I just want you to know I do understand how you feel. I think the reaction of friends and family who tell you the important thing is a healthy baby is very crass, and shows a real lack of understanding. What about a healthy mum? Mentally healthy as well as physically healthy? I don't know what to tell you about how to deal with it, I have my own demons related to post-natal issues which have completely swamped the c-section/birth trauma issues, but I wanted you to know you are not alone, and you are not wrong or broken in any way for feeling like this.


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## disneydarling

Thank you so much irish_cob, I'm actually looking up Lori Fitzgerald as I'm replying back to you.

You are so right about that friends and family only care about physical recovery. They keep going on about how well I recovered from my c-section (which I did, really fast and not much pain) but nobody ever asks me how I feel about it emotionally. 

My main problem is that I know it was all my fault, I was led to make bad decisions, but I should have been strong enough to know my own mind.


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## irish_cob

It's not your fault sweetheart, you were let down by a system which didn't support you in your wishes or keep you fully informed with everything that was happening.

Let me know how you go on please?


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## disneydarling

irish_cob said:


> It's not your fault sweetheart, you were let down by a system which didn't support you in your wishes or keep you fully informed with everything that was happening.
> 
> Let me know how you go on please?

Will do :flower: xx


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## Amygdala

disneydarling said:


> My main problem is that I know it was all my fault, I was led to make bad decisions, but I should have been strong enough to know my own mind.

You need to stop saying this to yourself. It is NOT your fault. Knowing your own mind is all well and good but it just doesn't apply in labour. In my last labour, I would have agreed to anything to ease the pain at one point and I mean literally anything. I was lucky enough to have mudwives who stuck to my birth plan and a partner who was confident that he knew what I ultimately wanted and no-one offered me drugs at that point. I would have consented to being knocked out with a club by that point, seriously. Women who "achieve" natura births are to a large extend lucky to have brilliant support. So don't go blaming yourself!

I'm serious about not repeating that it's your fault by the way. Instead, tell yourself, as often as you can, "I was very unlucky things didn't go the way I wanted. I did what I could and am not at fault." Sure, you won't believe it at first but eventually you'll see that it's true.


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## disneydarling

Thank you amygdala. I think you are right that I am dealing with issues with blaming myself, and I really hope that one day I will think that I am not to blame.

You are so lucky to have had a supportive partner and midwives, that's great.
I found the community midwives were really supportive and really encouraging about natural birth, so I didn't really think that the hospital midwives would be different, but obviously they were. It's a shame my partner wasn't the one who helped me through it, I think he was just as unprepared as I was about the pain (I had no fear about the pain my entire pregnancy) and he didn't expect to see me hurting so much. I've always prided myself on being a strong, brave woman, so that's why I think it's bothering me so much. I should have been able to cope and I don't know why I couldn't.


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## Amygdala

Well, I was the same before the birth and was sure I'd "cope" and then when it got to it, I was literally screaming my head off for hours. My notes say I was "extremely vocal" :blush: I just completely lost control. And I blamed myself for that for a long time and if I'm honest, I'm still embarrassed at my own "weakness". But it is what it is. This time, I hope both I and DH are much better prepared. To be honest, I'm kind of hoping for a do-over. But no matter how this time goes, I've gotten to terms with last time mostly. The emotions were quite raw for the first 6 months or so though.


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## Kess

My first contractions were 20 mins or so after my waters broke, and my MW didn't say anything that would have made me doubt my suitability for a waterbirth.

You really need to stop blaming yourself hun. When you're in labour you're vulnerable, you're not quite thinking straight tbh, and it isn't weakness that means in that state you trust the people who should be there to help you. It's brain chemistry. Much milder than your situation, but I'd instructed my MW not to offer any pain relief other than TENS and birth pool, and I was a little put out that she offered G&A. I took it, not because I needed it, but because in that state anything other than acquiescence is very unlikely. Don't blame yourself.


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## fides

I'm sorry you didn't get the birth you were hoping for, but like the others said, it's not your fault!


my m/w wouldn't allow water births after PROM b/c of the slight risk of bacteria being introduced from the water to the birth canal. i don't know if that's the same reason they denied one to you, but thought i'd share just in case.


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## MindUtopia

Sounds like some silly person at the hospital just didn't know what they were talking about. I'm sorry they weren't more supportive of your birth plan though. :nope:

My waters broke first (contractions started maybe an hour after). I didn't actually have a water birth, but I did plan to have one and I did get in the pool for about 30 minutes. I didn't like it that much so I got out and had my daughter on dry land. But my midwives were very supportive of water birth and I've never heard of anyone here not being allowed in the pool because of ruptured membranes. I think it used to be a bit of a myth that the water could take bacteria up to the baby if the sac was broken, but that's just a myth, unless you are birthing in dirty water (though obviously people must still believe it). I had my daughter on dry land (on our bedroom floor), so like I said, no actual water birth, but they would have been happy for me to do it if I'd want to stay in.

That said, hang in there. Being a mum is hard and you will always have guilt about the things that didn't go the way you'd hoped. I had a really positive birth experience, but dismal support with breastfeeding. I only BF for 10 weeks because my daughter struggled so much to latch. It turns out - 7 months later - I found out she has all sorts of issues with her mouth and palate that we could have overcome if they'd been properly diagnosed after birth. I have horrible guilt about that (even though formula feeding meant she actually gained weight again and thrived). But you can't change the past. The only thing you can do is forgive yourself for not being perfect (no one is!) and accept that you did the best you could do in a challenging situation with the knowledge you had at the time. I think that's what being a mum is all about (even though it's really hard some days!).


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## disneydarling

MindUtopia said:


> The only thing you can do is forgive yourself for not being perfect (no one is!) and accept that you did the best you could do in a challenging situation with the knowledge you had at the time. I think that's what being a mum is all about (even though it's really hard some days!).

That is EXACTLY what I think I needed to hear. Thank you.


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## irish_cob

I've been wondering how you're doing. Did you speak to Lori? Loads of :hugs:


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## disneydarling

irish_cob said:


> I've been wondering how you're doing. Did you speak to Lori? Loads of :hugs:

Awww thanks for thinking of me! I've got a health visitor coming round next week to talk about the birth with me, so I'm going to see what happens from there!


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## disneydarling

I have a little update, the health visitor came yesterday.

She was so lovely, but has made me realise how let down I was by the hospital.
She said that the hospital I was at has a bad reputation for saying that they encourage natural birth, but doing the complete opposite. Apparently the midwives there just want an easy life and want to get an epidural in you as soon as you arrive so that they don't have to support you through the pain, they basically want to shut you up.

The HV was also disgusted that I was told I wasn't allowed a water birth. She was really supportive and lovely and explained how I was in such a vulnerable position and can't be blamed for trusting the professionals, who didn't care what I wanted and just wanted an easy life. She said that if I had a water birth they would have had to send midwives up to the birth centre to run the water etc and they probably just couldn't be bothered.

In some ways I feel a lot better, knowing that my hospital is known for doing this and that I'm certainly not the only one. But also it makes me very angry because now I'll never be able to have a peaceful low risk birth because of their selfish actions.

We discussed how my birth progressed and the HV told me that of course there is no knowing how things would have turned out, but she feels that if I hadn't have had the epidural and been allowed a water birth there is a good chance I would have had a natural birth. Quite gutted about that really.


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## Amygdala

Is this your last baby? If not, there is no reason why you can't have a natural vbac next time or why you can't use a pool then. A friend of mine had a very traumatic emergency section with her first and a natural water birth with her second. She loved it so much, she's still raving about water births to anyone who will listen and her LO is just about to start school! :haha: You still have every chance of having a beautiful, calm, natural birth next time, don't give up on that idea just yet!


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## disneydarling

Oh I'm definitely planning on another one (or two)!

I'd love a VBAC, but very scared in case it goes wrong again. I want a water birth more than anything but every single hospital in the area that I research treats VBAC as a high risk therefore won't allow me to use the pool.


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## irish_cob

Home vbac then hon, I'm 33 weeks with my second after an emcs with my first and I'm planning a hbac :) Refused to see any consultants, have just been seeing a midwife and I have no particular fears I'm any higher risk than a first time mum in terms of uterine rupture. You need to be kind to yourself and grieve this birth before you're ready to move on. If you did go for a hbac next time you could guarantee you had a birth pool and you wouldn't be being bossed about by midwives who can't be bothered to support you properly. Loads of hugs xx


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## disneydarling

Thanks. That's amazing that you are having a HBAC, I bet it will be wonderful.

Unfortunately, I don't think a home birth is the right choice for me, I'd feel very uncomfortable not being close to the hospital, and don't know how I'd find a midwife to support me either.

I definitely need to get over this birth before I can get pregnant again. If I got pregnant before I come to terms with it, I'd spend the whole 9 months miserable and worried, and not enjoy it. It makes me so sad because I spent my entire pregnancy looking forward to experiencing birth and was not scared at all, and now I'll never be able to feel like that during pregnancy because I'll always fear having a bad experience again.


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## Amygdala

For what it's worth, I hated my first birth but have been looking forward to this one the whole pregnancy. I really think time can heal many wounds. I now just see it as a chance for a do-over. Now all I need is for this baby to actually get a move on... :D


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## disneydarling

Aaaah yes by the looks of your ticker you are overdue? Fingers crossed your bub gets moving very soon!


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## Amygdala

40+9. Can't bring myself to update the tickers as it's too frustrating. :haha:


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## Wolfie

Hi, 
I do hope things are feeling a bit better for you. 
I planned a home birth (with a pool for labouring/ possibly birthing in and my waters broke about 36 hours before my contractions started. The hospital wanted me to come in and be induced but I refused as the NICE guidelines say up to 96 hours. I did go in for monitoring at about 32 hours after waters breaking and then again the following day even though I was in the early stages of labour. 
I went back home but did not use the pool. I was scared of infection and we were in rented accommodation that had mushrooms that kept popping up in the bathroom that I would have to use the taps in so I just didn't feel cinders me with that. 
I did monitor my temp every four hours and keep an eye on the colour of my liquor so as to check for infection or poo in the waters. 
I laboured really well at home but unfortunately my boy got stuck in the second stage. He was posterior and also had a short cord around his neck. I ended up having to go into hospital ( his heartbeat dropped twice during a contraction) and ended up after waiting hours - so it was no emergency, delivering him via forceps an with an epidural and episiotomy. There was no delaying of cord cutting and of course it was quite brutal and nothing like I had hoped. My poor boy had cuts and bruises for weeks (and still two years later one tiny scar) from the foreceps and I felt terrible for him that he was brought into the world in such a way.
Luckily I did not have to have a Caesarian, the hospital had a policy of three goes with the forceps and then it's a Caesar but luckily I got him out on the third go. It took me ages to feel better or less traumatised about the birth and I still wish he had been born more naturally but I do not suffer over it like I did in the early days. 
I am pregnant again and hoping for a home birth. I am requesting my labour notes as I kind of debriefing for myself as I think some of the trauma may resurface as it comes closer to my next labour. 
I just wanted to tell you my story an to let you know that from my experience the pain does lessen. 
Please try not to blame yourself. It's easy to because you don't have anyone /any organisation to attack or confront if you so wished to, but it's not your fault. 
I think hospitals are notorious for trying to push labouring women into what's easiest for the hospital and when you are in labour you are vulnerable. Often something sounds like it will be better for the baby and whilst it might be, it's probably a lot easier for the hospital. 
Eg when they wanted to induce me, they said "please come in for 6am so we can induce you at 7am. It fits a lot better with the hospital routine." 
And after all of that with my birthing story- my waters hasn't all broken, it was a hind leak. 

Keep talking to people/midwives/counsellor etc, I am sure it will be helpful and try to enjoy these early days with your little one.


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