# "I'm just like you!"



## modified

"My husband works away several months of the year - "
"My husband doesn't get home until gone midnight - "
"My husband works weekends - "

" - I understand exactly how you, a single parent, feels."

Does this annoy anyone else?

I mean, sure - you're currently looking after the children on their own but being a single parent is so much more than that.

You might not talk to your OH daily. Maybe only once a month. But you know he is there. You _will_ talk to him. You know you are loved. I don't have that. I don't have the arrival of someone who loves me, however far away it might be, to look forward to. I don't have the knowledge that someone, somewhere in this world, loves and adores the bones of me and my daughter.

There is _so much more_ to being a single parent than parenting on your own and it gets me down to see it... almost _belittled_ by these comparisons.

:shrug:


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## Meezerowner

Yeah I have thought this too. I think mostly people just like to try and empathise sometimes though. And sometimes it's said to make us feel better too.... kinda like we are part of their club.

I get annoyed when people say they have twins cos they have two children close in age.....ITS NOT THE SAME GUYS! :dohh: Not saying it's easier or harder just different. 

It could be said that it is tougher having a parent that works away cos you are expecting a partnership but maybe you do 90% of the parenting. It's more of a let down. I dunno maybe. I defo feel more sorry for me than them though grass is always greener :haha:

I defo agree there is so much more to being a lone parent. Not sharing any responsibility at all in some cases. And not having anyone to care for you.
Makes me sad.

Then again I got to chose the names I liked for my kids and do it all my way!


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## mzhwd

I'm know exactly what you mean and I'm completely new to this. It absolutely not the same. I also feel alone and not loved. Maybe my hormones are probably a tad whacked because I'm pregnant, but I don't feel loved by any means. 



modified said:


> "My husband works away several months of the year - "
> "My husband doesn't get home until gone midnight - "
> "My husband works weekends - "
> 
> " - I understand exactly how you, a single parent, feels."
> 
> Does this annoy anyone else?
> 
> I mean, sure - you're currently looking after the children on their own but being a single parent is so much more than that.
> 
> You might not talk to your OH daily. Maybe only once a month. But you know he is there. You _will_ talk to him. You know you are loved. I don't have that. I don't have the arrival of someone who loves me, however far away it might be, to look forward to. I don't have the knowledge that someone, somewhere in this world, loves and adores the bones of me and my daughter.
> 
> There is _so much more_ to being a single parent than parenting on your own and it gets me down to see it... almost _belittled_ by these comparisons.
> 
> :shrug:


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## moomin_troll

My husband was in the army, he worked long hours, would go away for weeks with days notice... And no, it's not the same at all. 
I used to get ppl say they knew how I felt having a husband in the army cuz their oh worked away for one week and that really wound me up, so luckily for me no one has ever said they know how it feels because I would snap lol


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## mzhwd

Yeah I know exactly what you mean.




moomin_troll said:


> My husband was in the army, he worked long hours, would go away for weeks with days notice... And no, it's not the same at all.
> I used to get ppl say they knew how I felt having a husband in the army cuz their oh worked away for one week and that really wound me up, so luckily for me no one has ever said they know how it feels because I would snap lol


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## baileybubs

Yeah it's not the same at all. I am fortunate enough to have a new bf who I know loves me, but we don't live together, he actually lives 40 miles away, and as he isn't my kids' dad he doesn't parent them, he looks after them for me when he's here so I can have a bath etc. But I totally get how it isn't the same and it is annoying. It's the fact that I have this sole responsibility. I am the only one who has all the decisions to make, no matter how small those decisions may be. I have no one to talk to about how to deal with it in the same way someone who is still with the father of their child does, sure I have my BF and family to ask for advice, but ultimately they usually say "whatever you thinks best" and it's all down to me! 
Then there's the fact that every single day without fail I am the one who gets up at 6am, I am the one who comforts them in the night, I am the one who puts them to bed, I am the one who has to pee with 2 toddlers messing with the toilet paper and running around the bathroom. Yes mothers who's partners work away have this, but not ALL the time, they get that one odd occasion where the kids father will get up with the kids when he's at home, or put them to bed so mum can relax and watch emmerdale with a glass of wine! 

No it's not the same and it is annoying, but I do get why people make the comparison. I think it's just easy to forget that single parents don't have that other person for emotional support too and that's the main thing I struggle with.


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## tallybee

I have a friend who always says she's a "single parent" cos her DH works nights :wacko: she should know better as well as he is ex military and she has also actually BEEN a single parent :dohh:

Yea it winds me up but there are bigger problems to worry about lol. 

OTOH the one where people say they know how being widowed feels because they have had a divorce. :grr: nope eff off.


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## teal

Yes, I find this very annoying too.


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## moomin_troll

tallybee said:


> I have a friend who always says she's a "single parent" cos her DH works nights :wacko: she should know better as well as he is ex military and she has also actually BEEN a single parent :dohh:
> 
> Yea it winds me up but there are bigger problems to worry about lol.
> 
> OTOH the one where people say they know how being widowed feels because they have had a divorce. :grr: nope eff off.

i had my brother in laws mum tell me she knew how I felt being alone.....yeah cuz her being dumped is exactly the same as my husband dying. She was lucky I was holding Corey who was 3 months old because I would have smacked the cow. 
5 years on, I still wouldn't take that statement lightly at all.


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## tallybee

moomin_troll said:


> tallybee said:
> 
> 
> I have a friend who always says she's a "single parent" cos her DH works nights :wacko: she should know better as well as he is ex military and she has also actually BEEN a single parent :dohh:
> 
> Yea it winds me up but there are bigger problems to worry about lol.
> 
> OTOH the one where people say they know how being widowed feels because they have had a divorce. :grr: nope eff off.
> 
> i had my brother in laws mum tell me she knew how I felt being alone.....yeah cuz her being dumped is exactly the same as my husband dying. She was lucky I was holding Corey who was 3 months old because I would have smacked the cow.
> 5 years on, I still wouldn't take that statement lightly at all.Click to expand...

:hugs: I don't blame you hun, 2.5 years now for me, stupid comments don't get any less stupid as time goes on xx


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## moomin_troll

tallybee said:


> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> tallybee said:
> 
> 
> I have a friend who always says she's a "single parent" cos her DH works nights :wacko: she should know better as well as he is ex military and she has also actually BEEN a single parent :dohh:
> 
> Yea it winds me up but there are bigger problems to worry about lol.
> 
> OTOH the one where people say they know how being widowed feels because they have had a divorce. :grr: nope eff off.
> 
> i had my brother in laws mum tell me she knew how I felt being alone.....yeah cuz her being dumped is exactly the same as my husband dying. She was lucky I was holding Corey who was 3 months old because I would have smacked the cow.
> 5 years on, I still wouldn't take that statement lightly at all.Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs: I don't blame you hun, 2.5 years now for me, stupid comments don't get any less stupid as time goes on xxClick to expand...

:hugs: I just make people feel awkward, I love making people squirm


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## tallybee

:hugs:


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## daneuse27

I know exactly what you mean modified. I've always thought they were just trying to close the gap between us and empathise, to show we're not all that different. I personally prefer that approach more than the "Oh, it must be so hard I don't know how you do it, etc" spiel. But both are not fun to hear.
I have found a single mom group in my area and absolutely adore being around these mamas and their kids. It's great to be around people who can relate to both the struggles and joys of single parenting and feel zero judgement :)


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## MummyMana

I'm not so sure it'd bother me, as before me and imogen's dad broke up, we were living apart (he had a mental breakdown and had to move out) so for me, being a single parent doesn't feel much different to having a mentally ill partner who lives on the other side of the town. Yeah I guess I was supposed to know he loved etc but if I'm honest being single is far easier than that was...


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## tallybee

MummyMana said:


> I'm not so sure it'd bother me, as before me and imogen's dad broke up, we were living apart (he had a mental breakdown and had to move out) so for me, being a single parent doesn't feel much different to having a mentally ill partner who lives on the other side of the town. Yeah I guess I was supposed to know he loved etc but if I'm honest being single is far easier than that was...

:hugs: I hear you hun xx


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## RaspberryK

Being single is easier for me in a lot of ways too, I get more help from other family members now too. 
Xx


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## modified

I have no support. It's literally me. My mum lives with us but she's terminally ill so can't help nor provide emotional support. My ex was abusive. Whilst I'd rather do it alone than with him, I wouldn't say it was easier. It's different, sure. 

On Monday, I was so ill I cried from the pain when lifting my head off the pillow but food still had to be bought, cooked and eaten by my baby so I had to do it. It took me almost an hour to walk the usual 10 minutes to the shop because I had to keep stopping to sit on the ground. I literally don't have anyone else. No family (in this country) that cares, no friends (again, in this country). So yeah.. doing it 100% alone isn't necessarily easier. Just different.


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## tallybee

modified said:


> I have no support. It's literally me. My mum lives with us but she's terminally ill so can't help nor provide emotional support. My ex was abusive. Whilst I'd rather do it alone than with him, I wouldn't say it was easier. It's different, sure.
> 
> On Monday, I was so ill I cried from the pain when lifting my head off the pillow but food still had to be bought, cooked and eaten by my baby so I had to do it. It took me almost an hour to walk the usual 10 minutes to the shop because I had to keep stopping to sit on the ground. I literally don't have anyone else. No family (in this country) that cares, no friends (again, in this country). So yeah.. doing it 100% alone isn't necessarily easier. Just different.

:hugs: 

Your location says you're in Edinburgh, is that right? I am too, feel free to pm me if you like! I am currently quite immobile with SPD but I have a car and can help if you are stuck :hugs:


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