# My Premature Story - 32 weeks



## tigra85

Hi all!
Well my little man decided he wanted out really early and was delivered on 10th January at 32 weeks, he was EDD 7th March.

I was having pains down below, slight menstrual cramping and a lot of pressure since boxing day but every time I mentioned it to friends or family I was told don't worry it's just Braxton Hicks, so I carried on as normal. On Monday the 7th the pains were happening a lot more often and they were a lot worse than just period pains so I went to the hospital a and e. ( I live in Cyprus btw) From AE they took me down to maternity ward where they hooked me up to a Fetal Heart Monitor, not only was the baby's heart beat varying between 67 - 160 I was measuring as contracting every 5-7mins. The Dr came and examined my cervix and said it was still OK and my waters hadn't broken, but she didn't want to risk baby coming early in that hospital as they had no facilities to care for a baby born 34 weeks there. I was transferred by ambulance to the Children's Hospital in the city where I was put on drips to stop contractions and given quortazone to strengthen baby's heartbeat, but we were hoping that the medication would stop contractions and i'd be able to go home. On the Wednesday evening they said I seemed much better and should be allowed home on Thursday with medication, unforuntately through blood analysis they found I had a high amount of white blood cells, and suspected my waters were infected so when the Dr's were doing their rounds Thursday afternoon I had my bag packed ready to go this was at 1530 and he said sorry but your not going anywhere but to theatre in half hour. So my little man was born by emergency c section that day and taken straight to NICU. He was on the full ventilator for the first 2 days, then they moved him onto the BIPAP machine, and yesterday he was breathing alone for most of the day but the DR did say they will put him back on BiPAP throughout the night to help his lungs strengthen, yesterday was also the first day he managed to keep 2ml of my milk down. :happydance:

I know we have a struggle ahead of us, the DR has warned this process is 2 steps forwards 1 step back, but i am so proud of my little boy. 

I just want some advise off other mums who have been in this situation, how do you cope with it? What progress is good and how long is it before NIcU babies can come home? I haven't been able to hold him yet and we are only allowed to see him for 2 hours a day, visiting hours are very strict but i understand as the nurses have a job to do.

Thanks for reading x


----------



## Stelly

Hey hun- just wanted to say while Im sorry your little man decided.to come early, so very happy to hear he is doing so well! Congrats to you :) 

We are still in the NICU with our little boy (he was born 28+4).. as frustrating as it is, it really truly is a 2step forward 1 step back and there is no real 'timeline' thats stereotypical- it varies SO much baby to baby... Ive found the experience so far to be the most miraculous/frustrating/hopeful and heartbreaking experience of my life. 

All I can say for coping is take things day by day, be gracious to yourself and take a break when you need it, accept help from family/friends (home cooked meals from them are SUCH a nice break from hospital food) and keep as light hearted as possible. 

Your little man is a fighter- you will have him home and in your arms soon. Love and prayers for you and.your family, its a rough road- but its amazing.to see.the miracles along.the way.


----------



## Honeybear1976

Tigra firstly congratulations. How heavy was he born? Ive had one little man at 31weeks and one at 34weeks. They are incredibly strict there, 2hrs a day crumbs, i probably only left the nicu for about 2hrs a day!! My earliest was 3lb 4oz and had cpap for less than 2 days and nothing after that. Your little man is doing great to be breathing so well and to be taking your milk. Skin to skin will be great for you both when you can have it. In a few weeks you will be able to try him at the breast in between his feeds. Both mine were home 5 weeks before they were due but they were my 3rd and 4th children so hospital knew I was confident withbreastfeeding. Im sure you will have some times where you feel like you are taking a step back and emotionally the nicu journey is very hard but it will all be worth it xx


----------



## tigra85

Thank you both for your replies. He weight 1.8kg at birth but now is 1.65kg. The Dr told us today that when he reaches 1.8kg he will be moved to next room, the NICU here has rooms 1-10 - 1 being most critical. We are in room 3 at the moment and she said if he carries on breathing alone and eating well (he is currently on 2ml of my milk and digesting it but they are going to up him to 5ml from this evening) then once he has gaine the weight he can be moved to room 5/6, once in this room i can start to give him the breast. Visiting hours are strict but i can't complain, the nurses need the space to assist the babies, there are 6 incubators in each room and 1 nurse in each room at all times with 1 DR between 2 rooms at all times. 

Today was the day I got discharged from the hospital and I have just got home and I am absolutely heartbroken, i can't stop crying and just wish I was with him or near him, the hospital is about an hour and 20 from where I am. I just have to accept he is in the best place and I will still see him during the visitor hours. i just feel as though I have abandoned him, and friends keep sending me messages saying congrats on being a mummy how does it feel, i don't know how it feels, I ahve a son which I haven't held and the only thing I can do for him is pump my milk, I feel absolutely useless and the tears just won't stop streaming. :cry:


----------



## Stelly

Wow they do have very strict rules- only 2 hours would be very hard! Like honeybear said, i probably only leave for that long during the day. I so wish you wouldnt feel useless, even.though you xant be with.him 24/7- you are a fantastic mom- pumping takes a lot of effort, and its such a wonderful thing to be doing for your son- kudos to you!!! 

Do you get longer visiting.hours once hes in a less critical room? Do they let you do kangaroo care (aka skin to skin holding?) I can.only hold my little guy for short periods of time due to his respiratory dtatus but that brief skin to skin time we get helps keep my sanity, helps feel more bonded to him. Hope they let you do that!


----------



## tigra85

Hi thanks for your reply. I think from what I gathered from the DR once he is moved to 5/6 I can start breast feeding him so will be able to bond then, I don't know yet whether the visiting hours are less strict then, but I imagine so as who is to say he wants fed at those times? I am glad I can at least give him my milk, as it makes me feel I am doing something.


----------



## Honeybear1976

Tigra you will definitely get more time with him when you can feed him as they will want him on 3hr feeds to start with I would think. Your milk is liquid gold and is making a huge huge difference to him. All the immunities you have built up all your life is being passed to him via your colostrum. Well done you :hugs::hugs: I cried constantly when I was home it is normal and when he is home you will desperately try to make up for lost time with lots and lots of extra cuddles. I hope you get to hold him really soon x


----------



## mommy0629

Hi :hugs: You'll get through it, just take it one day at a time and focus on every tiny step, even if it's as simple as that he took a few mls more in his feeding than the day before, or he gained half an ounce or your milk is coming in and you were able to pump more than yesterday, focusing on the little positive things will help a lot. 

I know it's hard to be away from him, just keep telling yourself how excelent the care he's getting is. That is pretty strict rules, our NICU was 24/7, you could even sleep there in a special room they had, but there's nothing you can do about that so focus on what you can do. I was the pumping queen lol, because like you said, I felt like it was something I could do for her even when I couldn't be there with her and I proudly walked into that NICU showing off to my favorite nurse (this woman was like a cheerleader for both lo and I :)) how much milk I had in those little containers that day. 

Just one day at a time and it can for sure be two steps forward one step back, but that's still progress :) If you need a good cry, then let it out and cry. I found that if I tried to hard to suck it up it backfired on me and I'd get snippy with DH and DS, so take some private time when you need to an release your emotions, you'll even feel a bit better after.

To answer your question - my lo was born at 32 weeks and 6 days and spent 14 days in the NICU. She weighed 4lbs. 11oz. at birth and was 5lbs. the day she came home (she lost weight like all newborns, then gained slowly because every so often she'd have a day where she lost again, there's that 2 steps forward, one step back thing lol). She didn't need any help breathing at all, just had to stay until feedings were established (to go home she had to take the full amount of each feeding that the dr. felt she should be on by mouth with none of it needing to go down the feeding tube) and had to show weight gain 4 days in a row (with no drop).

It seems like a long road, and it can be, but your little boy will be home with you before you know it :hugs:


----------



## tigra85

Thank you for all your responses. It's good to hear from other mums what to expect as no-one /i know has ever had a premature baby.

Is it normal to feel like it's your body's fault? I feel as though I rejected him and let him down, and I keep having really awful dreams at night where he opens his eyes and there is nothing there (I have seen his eyes so don't understand this one) and the other dream I keep having is that I have taken him home and we go out but I lose him as he is so small he falls out the car seat and I can't find him anywhere. I just think the stress of everything that has happened has caught up with me.

i am off to see him soon, and the Dr had said yesterday they were increasing him from 2ml at feed time to 5 ml so fingers crossed he has digested.

Wow Mommy2b 14 days is brilliant, I think we will be there a lot longer than that though. How is your daughter now, does she suffer from reflux or anything?

Thank you Honeybear - I hope I do too! Cuddles will make it so much better but on the other hand will be harder to leave him.

I just have to stay strong for both of us I suppose and hope and pray that we progress each day xx


----------



## mommy0629

tigra85 said:


> Thank you for all your responses. It's good to hear from other mums what to expect as no-one /i know has ever had a premature baby.
> 
> Is it normal to feel like it's your body's fault? I feel as though I rejected him and let him down, and I keep having really awful dreams at night where he opens his eyes and there is nothing there (I have seen his eyes so don't understand this one) and the other dream I keep having is that I have taken him home and we go out but I lose him as he is so small he falls out the car seat and I can't find him anywhere. I just think the stress of everything that has happened has caught up with me.
> 
> i am off to see him soon, and the Dr had said yesterday they were increasing him from 2ml at feed time to 5 ml so fingers crossed he has digested.
> 
> Wow Mommy2b 14 days is brilliant, I think we will be there a lot longer than that though. How is your daughter now, does she suffer from reflux or anything?
> 
> Thank you Honeybear - I hope I do too! Cuddles will make it so much better but on the other hand will be harder to leave him.
> 
> I just have to stay strong for both of us I suppose and hope and pray that we progress each day xx

She does have reflux but nothing severe and now that the Dr. has ok'd me to start her on a tiny bit of baby cereal twice a day it's pretty much gone :) Her biggest hurdle was BAD gas for the first few months. She had it when she was on just bm and then when I switched to formula we had to go through 4 different kinds to find the right one for her. She's pretty much outgrown that now though. Other than that, she's great :) Pretty much right on track developmentally for her adjusted age and no health problems at all. She grew FAST too, she's 14lbs 8oz. now! She was discharged quickly because she didn't have any problems (miraculously!), just had to establish feedings and gain weight. 

It is normal to feel like it's your body's fault. I personally didn't have this particular struggle though, I think because I spend 4 days in the hospital on modified bed rest before she was born and I was _always_ being told by Dr.s and even some kind nurses that it wasn't my fault, it wasn't anything I did or didn't do etc. I did have the feeling though of why me? why my baby? and those 4 days living on the l&d ward were hard seeing the full term moms come in all excited in labor and leave the next day. BUT...after a few days onto my routine of visiting the NICU, it almost became...hard to describe...almost _special_ if that makes sense. Trust me, I'm NOT an optomist lol but in that situation, maybe only by the grace of God because I had so many people praying, I just _knew_ it would all turn out fine. It really is hard to describe but I got to a place in myself where it was just meant to be how my daughter's life would start, it was just a part of her journey, a story to be told when she got older. Not to trivialize it or anything, but that's what made me feel better and got me through it. Oh, I journaled too, when I'd sit in the NICU while she was sleeping, I worked on writing down the details of the whole experience and now I have that in her baby book. That helped me too.


----------



## colourful20

Hi

My son was born at 31+2 weighing 3lb 14oz. Whilst in NICU we were told to expect to be there until his due date. Anything earlier is a bonus. He was in NICU 5 weeks so we were home a month before his due date even though he'd also had surgery. It's amazing how strong these babies are.

Sorry that visiting hours are so strict both hospitals that I was in were 24 hours. Keep strong and your little one will be home before you know it. X


----------



## WishfulX1

Hi, firstly congratulations!! It's very scary having them norm prem, my daughter was born at exactly 33weeks and done amazingly! She was only in hospital for 14days.
She was off her oxygen on day 2 and didn't need any further.
Her only issue was eating, she was tube fed but by the second week she was sucking about 30ml and tube fed the rest. She got home when she was sucking 60ml every 4hours for 3 straight days.

Weve have had no problems at all except a few development delays. She's had very poor head control and referred to a specialist, at 5months now it's only just getting a lot better, late at smiling, reaching for toys etc as expected.

She's caught up in size, if not more! 5months but fitting some 6-9clothes even though she was 2 months early she's a little chunk.

Hope your little man gets home soon x


----------

