# I feel violated...



## jinxii

and it's probably ridiculous. My sister in law came and stayed the night with us, and this morning she went upstairs for a shower and poked around in the nursery while she was up there. I can barely step foot in there still, it was a beautiful space I was creating for my daughter and a very private space since the loss. I didn't want ANYONE in there. And who goes into closed rooms in someone else's house without asking, anyway? I played it off and just ignored it until she left, then spent a good hour crying and just can't shake off this feeling. She may never have spent a night in it, but that was still my daughters room. The daughter I don't have.


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## LDC

Do not feel that your feelings are ridiculous. 

The nursery is a private space and also holds a lot of hopes and dreams about what should have been. In all honesty, I wouldn't want any of my family or extended family going into rooms in my house where the door was shut, be that my bedroom or the nursery we too bad created for our little boy. 

I honestly think people just don't think or realise the pain that they cause with their reactions. I'm assuming it's not a new house or that she's not been there enough times to know that it's not a "neutral" room like the bathroom. I think sometimes nosiness gets the better of people, or that they wonder whether the nursery has been left as it was or changed after the loss. 

It took me a while to be able to go into the nursery, it was just a stark reminder of what should have been. It got a little easier, in a sense, that I would then go in there to feel close to our son, even if he'd never been in there. My husband had brought me a feeding chair for a birthday gift and I would just sit on it and cry or just be for a while which I ended up finding quite comforting. 

Whatever the situation and whatever feelings that brings, you have to go with that. I hope you're feeling a little better this morning xx


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## Sinclair

I actually know plenty of people who goes into closeted doors since they're family, or close to the family. Did you mention not to go in there at all, or something along those lines? She could have been easily curious to know what the baby's room was going to look like.

There is a explanation for it, however I think you may want to calm and talk to her without crying. 

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, but I seriously suggest talking to her anyway about it with how you feel because it could just eat at you if you don't.

I didn't have a nursery with my loss, so I don't know how I would feel but I always sat in my son's room in the rocking chair trying to look back at what it would have looked like as my daughter's.

I'm so sorry for you loss. :(


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## jinxii

I am still upset.. it doesn't help that the woman wears gallons of toxic perfume that makes me sneeze constantly and now my nursery smells like it every time I go in there, which just makes me upset all over again. That had been the space that I did what LDC does.. cry or just be and now I can't even do that. I am sure she was curious.. but as an adult, you don't give in to your curiosity if it is inappropriate! She did know that room was the nursery, and at the very least should have asked if she wanted to see it (and we would have said no). She had asked my husband if we had baby things in there and he said yes and quickly changed the subject. I would think that would be enough of a clue that it is off limits. Going into the nursery was kind of the last straw for me. She also said a bunch of really insensitive stuff over the weekend regarding the fact that she has children and we don't. Even my brother knew better than to go in there when he was over a while ago and he has the manners of a rabid warthog.


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## Sinclair

Sadly, not everyone takes the hint, ever. I know several like that as well. Depending on her personality this could all be "normal" for her as shitty as it is for her to do. 

The fact that she's rubbing it in your face that she has children and you don't would make me cut ties with anyone simply because of how petty that is.


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## teaandme

I think most people would have the sense to not go into a nursery of a baby that passed away. Some people are more clueless. Your sister in law sounds insensitive in the first place and it seems like one more inconsiderate thing she has done that has hurt you. I'd feel the same way, it's a private space. I'm sorry you have to deal with this on top of losing your baby.


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so deeply sorry for your loss.. I would feel violated also, 5 years ago.. Now I can understand a bit better..Maybe she was just genuinely curious :( .. Doesn't make it right though.. Totally understand your feelings, she should have asked you if she wanted to see it so bad... My Ava is gone 5 years and I don't even like anyone going to her grave, I have eased up a bit, but it still bothers me, I don't know why... It's normal , you're NOT ridiculous ..Just let it be, but if she trys to do it again I would be all over her like a Lioness :cry:

I am so sorry XOOXOXOXOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## vermeil

That is just horrible of her. She sounds like a real number. I would be upset too especially because of the perfume. 

Perhaps your dh can talk to her in your place? I would definitely let her know and cut ties too at least short term. You don't need toxic right now.

Really sorry *hugs*


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## Myshelsong

I am so sorry she did this too you. She should have never even gone close to that door, what a b*.
You are not being silly, your feelings are valid.
Our loss was only a week ago, but the idea of anyone going into that room, or even opening the door, even me makes me want to scream. I am thinking of putting a lock on the door just in case someone comes over.


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