# 7 year old wetting herself



## alicecooper

I'm at my wits end with my DD. She's 7 years old and literally has not gone longer than a fortnight without wetting herself since she stopped wearing nappies at 2.5 years old.

It's insane, I've tried everything. I've even taken her to the doctor twice to check for urine infections or something and there is never any medical reason for it.

This is what I've tried :

1) generally telling her off for doing it
2) taking away toys/privileges 
3) it sounds awful but I've even tried the whole routine of telling her that kids at school are going to bully her and call her smelly 
4) ignored it and hoped it would stop on its own
5) bribery - offered treats if she would stop
6) sending her to the toilet every half an hour without fail (but I can never seem to keep this up for more than a couple of days, and when she's at school I can't monitor her anyway so it never works)
7) extreme praising when she hasn't wet herself (but then the next day she goes back to doing it!)

NOTHING FRIGGING WORKS.

At the moment we're on the "you don't get an advent calender chocolate if you wet yourself". So far she's had no advent calendar chocolates....as you can see this is not working either.

The frustrating thing is that she's not slow in any way. In fact she's very intelligent - she has even skipped up a year at school (she's supposed to be Year 2 but she's in a Year 3 class) because she is so good at reading, writing, and maths. She was speaking in full sentences from the age of 13 months and when she was 2 people always mistook her for being at least 4 because of her level of conversation.

And she doesn't (well, very rarely, maybe twice a year at the most and that's only if she gets cold from kicking her blankets off in the night) wet the bed, so it isn't as though she has bladder problems all the time, it's just during the day.

Now I'm pretty sure it's just sheer laziness. She gets engrossed in whatever she's doing and doesn't want to break off from it in order to go and use the toilet. Sometimes she'll be jiggling around and I tell her to go to the toilet, but because she's busy doing something, she'll swear blind she doesn't need to go. Until she reaches bursting point and then she runs like hell but doesn't make it to the loo on time.

I just don't know what to do, it's driving me insane. Every single day she comes home from school with her trousers reeking of urine. It's awful.

How can I crack this? It's doing my head in. My two sons aged 5 and 3 have no problems like this at all, yet Lydia is the eldest and in this particular issue she's acting like an infant!

*nuts wall*

any advice?


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## BlueHadeda

O gosh, your post made me well up. :cry: I could've written this post myself 2 years ago. Well, I did! To many people, friends, family, forums, and no one had advice for us. We saw dr's, professionals, therapysts, phsychologists, specialists, etc. Only once I landed on the SpinaBifidaconnection.com forum did I figure out what was wrong with my daughter. She had an occult tethered cord. You can read all about her story in my signature. For a short summary though.... 

My daughter was pottytrained very easily at 3 years old. But since then, she would wet her pants. Only about once a week or so in the beginning. Sometimes weeks would pass without an accident, and then there'd be weeks where she'd have an accident almost every day. She would also "leak" little bits, so that her underwear would be wet/stained yellow. We tried _everything_ like you did. Because she was completely dry at night, and most of the accidents happened when she was home (not in school/shops) and while playing, we thought it *must* be under her control. Why else would she be able to have control at night? And better control at school? We couldn't understand *why* she would DO this?!?!?!?!

I tried everything on your list, and more. We were at our wits end because of this. We also thought there's no medical reason for this, because she saw urologists, neurosurgeons and pediatricians ALL telling us there's NO medical reason for this. That she'll outgrow it!!!

WRONG.

There WAS a medical reason. A very, very hidden one. Not even visible on an MRI, even though almost all tethered cords (95%) are picked up on MRI. My daughter was diagnosed at age 7 by a wonderful, knowledgeable neurosurgeon, and operated for it 18 months ago. We had HUGE improvements. Unfortunately not a 100% improvement, because the damage to her spinal cord is permanent. The sooner one acts, the better, in these cases. Age 7 is usually VERY late to diagnose a tethered cord. For an explanation on what tethered cord is, you can read this in my blog: https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2011/01/tethered-cord-explained.html

I truly hope you can get to the answers for your daughter. Please ask if you have _any_ questions. I really, really wished I had someone that understood what I went through with my daughter, but I never could find anyone until I stumbled on the Spina Bifida website. They are a wealth of information about bladders, with or without spina bifida. My daughter is now 9, and we still suffer from her condition. I *know* how you feel, dealing with wet panties and the frustration and helplessness that goes with it. Some days I find all of it overwhelming and very, very difficult. Other days, I'm grateful that at least we got to have our diagnosis and that we saw so many huge improvements after her operation.

If you want to continue reading about our (long) road to diagnosis, here's some links to my blog and the order in which you'd find them interesting:
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/09/pottytraining.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/09/long-road-begins.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/09/on-rollercoaster.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/06/dr-w-was-very-very-kind-and-is-great.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/06/urologist-visit-tomorrow.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/06/last-appointment.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/10/back-to-pead.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/11/another-wasted-hour.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/11/scarlet-fever-eegs-and-some-more.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2011/01/not-so-good-news.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/12/eyes-teeth-and-telephone-calls.html
https://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2010/12/we-have-diagnosis-finally.html

From there on you can, if you want to, read 2011 from Jan - Dec, everytime from the bottom up. My daughter was operated on in Apr of 2011, and I describe her improvements during that time and in the following months as well.


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## alicecooper

oh golly what an ordeal your family has been through! Your poor daughter going so long before being diagnosed. I guess it's one of those things that really is so hidden you wouldn't even think of it, and it's certainly not something I've heard of before.

I've had a quick look at your blog. The thing is that my DD doesn't have any of the other symptoms listed there about from the bladder incontinence stuff. Her legs, feet and back are fine, so I suppose that can't really be the problem with her.

It's really very frustrating. 

Thank you so much for sharing your story and taking the time to respond to my post. I really appreciate it x


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## RachA

I'm sorry you are going through all this. I wish i could help but i don't have any words of wisdom. All i know is that my 5 year old is like this.
I would love to know how to deal with it as it is driving me mad too.


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## BlueHadeda

alicecooper said:


> oh golly what an ordeal your family has been through! Your poor daughter going so long before being diagnosed. I guess it's one of those things that really is so hidden you wouldn't even think of it, and it's certainly not something I've heard of before.
> 
> I've had a quick look at your blog. *The thing is that my DD doesn't have any of the other symptoms listed there about from the bladder incontinence stuff. Her legs, feet and back are fine, so I suppose that can't really be the problem with her.*
> It's really very frustrating.
> 
> Thank you so much for sharing your story and taking the time to respond to my post. I really appreciate it x

Oh sorry, I should've been more clear. I was in a bit of a hurry when I posted previously. 

The thing with a tethered cord, is that not 2 people with it, would have the same symptoms, or the same number of symptoms. My daughter's feet symptoms were so light, that no neurologist or neurosurgeon could ever "find" it. Or see it. She had NO neurological deficits in her feet. Meaning, all her reflexes and neurological exams was always perfect. 

I've "met" people on the internet (on that spina bifida site) where the _only_ symptom their child had, was regular UTI's. Or the only symtom was kidney problems. Or the only symptom was having bladder accidents. Or only constipation. Not all people will have bladder, bowel AND leg involvement. I've read of someone's child who only had toe-walking as a symptom, no bladder or bowel involvement. 

Anyway, I'm sure you get the picture. I honestly hope this isn't your daughter's cause. I just wanted to make you aware of this as a possibility. Something you can research and see if it's possible to be a match for your daughter. Good luck to you and your daughter! :hugs: I hope you can find some solutions and advice. Oh, that reminds me. Have you had a look at the incontinence products on the market? A few weeks ago we discovered the "Dry like me" pantyliners designed especially for children. It works beautifully for my daughter. Maybe you can try something like that for yours?


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## MikaylasMummy

This is not for everyone, but iv actually seen a few very similar cases like this when I worked at a chiropractor.in some cases the chiro completely cleared up the problem.could you give that a try for a month and see how it goes?if I were u I would want to eliminate all possible problems to get to the route of the problem


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## MikaylasMummy

Oh and I see you say her back is fine, but a proper exam would need to be done to determine that


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## elsielouise

Please stop using negative approaches. She won't be doing it on purpose and the anxiety of punishments will not help. Sorry to cut straight to a chase with that, but am just leaving house. I agree with the need to exhaust medical reasons including mental health. And this is in no way meant to be a criticism.

Also, have you tried putting her in pull ups? Simply ignore it if she wets them and just change them and carry on. It sounds behavioural to me and there could be many many reasons for it but the starting point is to ignore the symptomatic negative behaviour and try and find the cause.

Think about your reactions when she does it, what do you do/say/think and feel? Take her back to GP and ask them to suggest reasons.

Keep a diary of when it happens to try and spot patterns.

There is more you can do but in rush now. PM if more suggestions useful.

EL


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## alicecooper

thanks ladies

I've not tried pull-ups no because SIL went absolutely mental a few months ago when she found out I had been giving DD panty-liners for her knickers. I thought that was pretty reasonable really but she practically accused me of child abuse and said that it was humiliating for DD.

As for her reaction when she wets herself, it's really REALLY noncommittal. It's as though she's not bothered. I ask her "why have you done that again?" and basically she just shrugs and says "I don't know" in a really 'I couldn't care less' sort of tone.

I'll see about taking her to the docs at some point this week. I know what they're gonna say though "she's been tested multiple times already". meh.


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## BlueHadeda

Well, my daughter saw about 14 specialists, and only 3 of them thought there's something up with my daughter!! The rest of them said it's something she'll outgrow. So ya, I don't trust doctors to know best in these cases. I also really urge you to dig deeper. Like a previous poster said, try to find out if it's behavioural. 

About the pullups. My daughter was seeing a psychologist and I asked her when my daughter was age 7.5 what her opinion was on putting my daughter back into nappies (pull-ups). She said I should take my daughter's lead. So I asked my daughter, and she immediately jumped up and down in excitement and clapped her hands, exclaiming "yes please"! It was the first time that she showed so much emotion. Like yours, she tried to act as if she's not bothered by it. Not embarressed. Not shocked. Not worried. Emotionless. To this day, she would show no emotion, as if it doesn't bother her. Until I talk to her and draw it out of her. It's as if she's embarressed to admit that she's embarressed, iykwim? Only once she was in nappies, I could see the change and realised how awful it was for her previously, especially in front of other people. 

She has had so much improvement after her surgery, that I stopped taking an extra set of clothes around with me, and she hasn't needed the pull-ups for more than a year now. Then last week she had an accident in front of her friends in the restaurant. She just acted as if nothing happened, until I sent her to fetch her jacket to tie it around her hips to hide her wet bum. The relief in her eyes were heart wrenching. 

Sorry to babble again. Good luck, let us know what the dr says? :hugs:


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## Rainbow82

If it's happening at school have you spoken to then about it? There us no way they should be allowing her to walk around or go home in wet clothes. Also if you find that making her go to the toilet every hour or so helps ask the teacher if that routine can be followed at school, nobody in the class will need to know as the teacher can make it look like she is asking your daughter to deliver something to another class etc. I agree with someone else about following your daughters lead with regards pull-ups or pantyliners. At 7 she is old enough to decide if you ask her. If you haven't already try to have an honest conversation with her about it and ask if she thinks she can control it, ask if she would like to see a doctor to find out if there is something they can do. Also keep a diary of when it happens and what she is doing when it happens, also what she has done/ drank before hand. As frustrating as it is I'm not sure punishment is the way forward, especially if she hasn't responded to praise or treats whuch are a far better incentive. Good luck, I can understand how frustrated you must feel.


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