# Scared of giving birth



## Jaxons Mummy

Can any ladies who already been through child birth help me by putting my mind at rest.. Im absolutly crapping myself about giving birth, all that keeps running through my head is i wont be able to do it & end up putting strain on my baby & maybe end up with complocations 

HELP please


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## Misscalais

Deep breaths :hugs:
Ive had 3 natural births, they were all different.
I honestly believe that fear makes the pain worse, i lost the plot for a bit during my 1st labour and took a bit to get my mind back in the game, same as my 3rd. 
Definitely look into breathing techniques, research what time of pain relief you might like to try. Ive done all 3 with just gas and air but im definitely willing to try the next step this time if i need it.
I found being in the shower helped a lot as well.


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## Spudtastic

I wrote a very similar post before having dd2 but I ended up having an amazing birth with dd2.

The things that helped me was....I was prepared to have an epidural if I needed it (this was good for my mindset. You may have your own views that help you personally)
I had a water birth which helped the pain.
I learned some hypnobirthing techniques to help me through contractions. (I read hypnobirthing the mongan method).
I was in the hospital so if I needed medical help it was right there so reassurance reduced the fear and helped me relax.
If there are complications the medical staff are there to help.
I had a Water birth on gas and air only. (Dd1 I had an epidural)

I talked to my midwife about my fear and I mentioned that I had been reading some bad birth stories. My midwife who was very experienced said I should be reading the home birthing stories because it's all in the head. Knowing you can do it helps the process.

Hope this helps


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## MyFavSurprise

I agree, don't look at the bad stuff because it's all a state of mind. I will be honest, with my 1st I had no support and I was in an incredible amount of pain by the time I was at 4cm (while my boyfriend at the time sat there telling me "see i told you you couldnt do it"), but once I got the epidural I felt wonderful and everything was great. The labor I just went through, I made it to 7cm with the help of my husband by breathing through the contractions and he rubbed my lower back. I tried all different positions and just went with what worked. I was even joking with my husband and the nurse between contractions. I tried gas and air but felt that it stressed me out. Pushing was the hardest for me, I went into this amazing state of mind and closed my eyes and focused on my baby.. Again, I wont lie, it does hurt, but it was so incredible and I will do it that way again next time, the experience was so amazing, and after the baby is born you immediately have no more pain aside from some cramping while passing the placenta and breastfeeding as your uterus returns to normal.

Don't second guess yourself, you've got this. Watch some home birth videos. For me in the last couple of weeks, a second strength kicks in and I stop caring how the baby is going to get out, so long as it happens asap haha..hopefully you will experience that as well :)


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## NDH

I honestly *love* giving birth and I can't wait to have a chance to do it again (even though my baby is only 11 days old lol)

I see it as such a raw, primal, powerful experience. My first two were drug-free hospital births and my third was a homebirth. 

Having good support is key - I would highly recommend a doula, and finding a care provider who you mesh well with who is truly supportive of the type of birth you want to have (ie if you want a natural, drug free birth you would want to make sure you have a dr/mw whose stats reflect that they support that, and not a Dr with a 30% cesarean rate for example) Discuss what type of birth you want early so you don't have any sudden surprises at the end when most people seem to do it, and no longer have time to establish a raport with a more suitable provider.

Independent childbirth classes can be really helpful (meaning not associated with the hospital) Hypnobirthing or calmbirthing or Bradley method etc

Watching birth videos (specifically homebirth/waterbirth/hypnobirth videos) on youtube or vimeo is my favourite way of preparing for birth. Watching them always gets the oxytocin flowing for one, and elevated oxytocin in pregnancy actually leads to better oxytocin production in labour which keeps things running smoothly. But also they are inspiring, and will give you the positive message that if they can do it you can too.

Reading up on what Dr Michel Odent has to say about the labour cocktail of hormones and really understanding the basic mechanics of birth I found really helpful. Knowing how hormones affect labour can help you to control them and stay out of the fear/pain cycle that produces adrenaline and inhibits oxytocin.


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## kerrymom

There really is no way to prepare for what your birth will be like, but just know that your body was made for this, and when it's all over you won't remember the bad parts as much! I remember telling my husband during my first that I was never going to do it again! Now I remember my births as wonderful experiences and am looking forward to my third. 
Have you thought about hiring a doula? From what I've read they are the one thing that you can count on to make your labor and delivery easier. Their sole purpose is to be there for you! They explain everything to you that the doctors are suggesting so it is understandable and you can make better decisions. They help you with relaxation and pain relief. 
It sounds like a doula would be a huge asset for you. You could take classes with the dad, and they are worthwhile, but in my case my husband and I both forgot it all once labor got rough! Good luck mama!


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## _Meep_

Yes it is scary, and it hurts, but I promise you - you will handle it!

If we weren't designed to give birth, then there wouldn't be a human race. Your body knows what to do. And so will you. 

I was absolutely shitting myself as the prospect of my labour drew nearer. I went overdue, and I was sure I wouldn't be able to even go into labour naturally let alone actually give birth. 

At 40+5, finally things started. It was a long labour and my little blighter decided to turn around so she was in a crappy position. For ages I was just floating around in the pool literally falling asleep between contractions and then concentrating on something way beyond myself and my body when a contraction hit.

It was the most bizarre, dream-like feeling, and I hadn't planned or prepared for it. I think some primitive drive that had lain dormant all these years woke up that night, and my body just took over. It was incredibly intense.

In the end I did need some intervention in the form of drug-induced contractions as my daughter just wasn't turning around, and they started to talk about a possible c-section. I was way too tired to deal with stronger contractions so I took an epidural too and it was absolutely wonderful. It made me feel both relieved and energised.

She turned, and with my fresh burst of energy, I pushed my child out within an hour. That bit was fantastic - KNOWING she was coming a bit closer every time. 

She was beautiful. And I would do it all again. Though it was pretty ghastly at points, I look back on it with great fondness and a lot of nostalgic feelings. 

EVERYONE worries about something going wrong, but in reality, the vast majority of births go smoothly. Your baby is coming, whether you are scared or not! :) Have faith that it will go well and trust that you will be in good hands.

I hope it will be the best experience of your life so far.


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## BabyBlondex

You will be fine, you're stronger than you think &#128156; I went into labour first time around being a cocky ass saying this can't be as bad as everyone makes out surely? And believe me as baby came closer I screamed a hell of a lot more I tensed I refused, I cried and I swore, it hurt more than it should I ended up tearing And even though it was only 9 hours it was the worst experience of my life. With my son I knew what to expect I went into it worried as I tore and that after pain is something else! But I got induced, contractions started, pain got closer and closer I smiled laughed with my midwives and took my gas and air with deep breaths omg I felt SO calm this time around and I honestly think it made it feel less painful and more manageable! 2hrs and 2mins later my boy was born and even though I tore again because I kept calm ididnt know it had happened! When I have my 3rd I know exactly what I'm going to do &#128156; Be strong sweetie you can do this


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## keepinitreal1

Yes, nothing can prepare you in the literal sense because every labor is different. I must say that personally I had a very idealistic picture painted in my head and was surprised by the pain, but it can all be handled - as someone said, we are build to do it. 

I got to 9 cm on g&a air then got 1/2 a dose of pethidin because 9-10 was taking forever. Got him out in 2 pushes. I was most scared that I would be too exhausted because I heard that it can take forever for the 1st baby, but it was 6 hours from 1st contraction to baby in my arms. 

Remembering that each cx is bringing me a step forward to merting the little one helped me a lot. I imagined him coming down when it hurt the most and that relieved my tension a lot. 

And have someone with you that you trust - my hubby played advocate hard when I was a bit loopy from pethidin and won the battle with the midwife when she wanted to do episiotomy. Having support is the key. 

Good luck and don't worry - we're all naturals :hugs:


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## Jennifurball

BabyBlondex said:


> You will be fine, you're stronger than you think &#128156; I went into labour first time around being a cocky ass saying this can't be as bad as everyone makes out surely? And believe me as baby came closer I screamed a hell of a lot more I tensed I refused, I cried and I swore, it hurt more than it should I ended up tearing And even though it was only 9 hours it was the worst experience of my life. With my son I knew what to expect I went into it worried as I tore and that after pain is something else! But I got induced, contractions started, pain got closer and closer I smiled laughed with my midwives and took my gas and air with deep breaths omg I felt SO calm this time around and I honestly think it made it feel less painful and more manageable! 2hrs and 2mins later my boy was born and even though I tore again because I kept calm ididnt know it had happened! When I have my 3rd I know exactly what I'm going to do &#128156; Be strong sweetie you can do this

You sound JUST like me on my first labour, I was convinced it wasn't as bad as it looked on TV lol, I did most of my labour at home as it came on fast, I went into the hospital scared thinking it would get worse (I arrived at the pushing stage), so through that I was scared, refusing to do it, begging for pain relief, panicking, I felt drugged up even though I hadn't had anything, think the fear definitely made it worse for me.

Now I know it is going to hurt and I am prepared, but I will also know that feeling when baby is here and that pain instantly stops. Hope I can be as calm as you was!


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## frangi33

I just wanted to say thank you ladies, these are such wonderfully supportive posts. I opened the thread as I too am getting concerned about labour after having a rough time previously and all your comments were so lovely to read and have certainly helped me x


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## _Meep_

Trust in the amazing power of your body. You can do it, frangi! Best of luck.


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## Left wonderin

Here is my birth story it might help :) enjoy it , look forward to it . I'd so love to do it all over again 



Phew I have five mins well here is my experience of birth this time round . I know everyone has different ones but thought I'd share mine 

As you all know I was NOT expecting a natural birth let alone one with no pain relief !!! 
I was scheduled to have a c section on the Tuesday but little madam had other ideas , I had thought if I was to go myself I was taking every pain medication known to man that was legal like I did the last time . 
Again this didn't go to plan .. But I am happy to say after going naturally my perception of labour has TOTALLY CHANGED. everyone speaks about it being scary, tough , painful , and it is all those things but it is also the most empowering , amazing , wonderful experience you will ever have . I actually would look forward to doing it again ( not going to happen ! ) 

Some of the things I learned about birth I didn't know before : 
The pain of contractions are REALLY manageable if you go with them .... Ok the are PAINFUL but you get breaks where they totally go . At the begining they feel like " niggles " regular one like cramps or a spasam. You question yourself am I really feeling something so not bad lol.... Next they build to resemble a period pain exactly the same feeling of someone is twisting my insides !! Initally they started for me every 30 mins lasting fleeting seconds and built up to every 2-3 mins lasting 24-60 seconds . At thier height yes I couldn't talk through them and had to hold onto the wall until it passed but the magic thing about them is YOU GET BREAKS 

Ok so the contraction itself has 3 phases .... The coming phase ( oh oh here is another one ) it starts off and builds in intensity till it reaches a peak then starts going again . So for a conraction that lasts 60 seconds its 20 seconds coming . 20 seconds at its peak and 20 seconds going ... So the really bad pain only lasts 20 seconds and I just kept in my head I can do anything for 20 seconds ... Then the wonderful thing a break !! Total break zero pain !! Now it is only for 2-3 mins at the end but its a break I concentrated on that , not the fact they were coming back again . So technically I went from break to break rather than contraction to contraction if that makes sense . 

Then the amazing part !!! The urge to push ! Its just that an urge !!!! You have zero control over it . It just happens . And the other bit of magic is once you go with and push the pain of the contractions TOTALLY goes . It actually a feeling of pure relief .... Kinda like having a big sneeze ! Or TMI warning a poo after constipation lol..... It really feels quite nice in a weird way . And the groaning that happens isnt due to pain it is actually again something that just happens and gives emense relief . Feels like letting go the actual pushing the baby out is hard work , like the name says labour . The process of pushing as actually not painful until the head is crowning which is right near the end . Its more physically hard . As I said the pain of the contractions go with pushing so no pain but its sheer hard work !! Its like a workout you have to push when you feel you can't breath anymore !!!

Now when the head is coming out it hurts like hell !!!!!! Stinging , burning ouch but no going back then and hey at that point ye have done all the hard work ... Your near it being all over 

So that is... My experience ... I have thought about it and think if I would have had the epidural I would have missed out on the sensations of wanting to push ,,, the natural relief that brings which is a weirdly very intense pleasurable experience ....... The pains are painful but short and focus of the " breaks " which are as regular as the contractions . 

My top tips : have a cold towel / water spray for your face you get VERY hot and its sooo nice . 

Don't be scared of the pain or the process, I'm guessing the more you fight it the harðer it is and COMCENTRATE on the breaks as they come quick and fast but most of all do what feels right for you if that means getting 7 epidurals then do it !!!!! 

Can't wait to hear your experiences


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## NDH

I love hearing your account of the birth - and so true too! Yes its hard, but its only hard for a minute at a time and its so empowering.


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