# Start the adoption process



## Axl2

Hey everyone, so we finally sent in our application to start adoption. I paid for our homestudy and now waiting for the a social worker to be assigned to our file. Once one is assigned to our file we can book a date for our homestudy. Then once that is done we wait for the social worker to do up her report to let us know whether we are approved or not. So the next couple of months will be a lot of waiting and nerves.


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## missk1989

Axl2 said:


> Then once that is done we wait for the social worker to do up her report to let us know whether we are approved or not.

Do you mean she will decide from this whether or not they accept your application? In the UK we get weekly/fortnightly visits and have to complete references, medical checks and prep training. All is done before being approved but after they accept your application.


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## Axl2

We have done the reference letters, criminal record, and etc. We have to do that all before they even do the homestudy. Now we wait for them to set a date for our homestudy. After they do the homestudy they do up a report that lets us know whether we are approved or not. If we are approved then we go on the waiting list.

They only do one home visit per year in Canada which is about 8 hours. Its the same process here except for the home visits. I just can't wait for this to be over and we have the report saying we are approved. The homestudy is making a little nervous.


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## missk1989

Oh that sounds much quicker! We have to have about 5 4-hour visits plus 4 day training course.


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## Axl2

Yeah its a lot easier here the seminar is 11 hours long and the homestudy is 8 hours long. Where are in the process?


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## Axl2

Finally booked our homestudy we have one in our home in Feb and the other one in her office in March. And then we wait for her to do up the report I don't expect to find out we are on the waiting list until April or May. So heres to waiting.


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## missk1989

We have only recently started and have done half the training course, medicals, DBS and references. We are expecting to be approved to adopt by june and placed with a child by end of July.


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## Savasanna

Wow - you're expecting to be placed with a child so quickly! I had thought it takes a while.

Axl - good luck with your home study! We had to complete one to receive our foster license. It was thorough, but not at all intrusive or nerve wracking. More exhausting to talk about yourself for that long! haha. Best of luck to you!


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## Axl2

Thanks!! I'm excited and nervous. And yeah I think it will be a long day just talk about ourselves.

missk1989, it doesn't take very long to get placed there. It can take anywhere from 1-4 in Alberta to be placed. Once our homestudy is done they have 45 days to write up the report to let us know whether we are approved. Good luck!!


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## missk1989

Yeah in some areas it takes a while but our authority has ALOT of children it their care and generally have a child in mind before you are even approved. They try to have you at panel the month after approval.


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## Axl2

Are you guys going through the private agency or government?


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## missk1989

Government for us. The private agencies charge the local authorities £28,000 for every child they place for them. I would rather go straight to local authority and the money go to the children.


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## Axl2

Wow that crazy and I thought $15k was a lot. We are going through the private agency. We looked into the government adoption but they wanted us to pick to many things which to me we couldn't handle considering my husband is gone a lot. And I think there is long wait too. Good luck!!


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## Savasanna

We're fostering through the state with the hope of adopting. We'd like to begin our journey when the child is young so we have to foster first. Most children who are ready for adoption are older because they've already gone through a failed reunification process and the termination of their parents' parental rights, which can take 3-5 years. By being a foster parent we can be placed with an infant/young child and then continue with them through their journey. The difficult side is that we will have placements that will reunify with their birth families, as happened with our twins after 11 months together. We're in between placements right now. Just sitting around waiting for a phone call.


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## missk1989

Foster to adopt is fairly new in the UK. We refused it because we already have a son and the thought of him getting attached to a child that was then returned to their family is heartbreaking. I take my hat off to you. That must be really difficult.

Our SW are coming tomorrow. I am really looking forward to it.


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## Axl2

Yeah I think foster to adopt would be really hard. I don't think I could do it. I give you a lot of credit Savasanna.

Yay that's exciting missk1989!! We did our homestudy today we have another meeting the first week of March. It was about 5 hours long a lot of questions about our grief over not have a child, our personalities, etc. Its very personal stuff.

Good luck missk!! Let me know how it goes.


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## Savasanna

Yea.. sometimes I don't think I can do it, either! It'll be weird to start over again. Like with the girls we didn't fully know what we were getting ourselves in to. But this next time.. we're going to KNOW. I'm not sure whether that's a good or bad thing. 

Good luck with your sw visit today! Taking steps is so exciting! Let us know how it goes! 

Axl - how was your homestudy? I give your agency credit for recognizing the loss of pregnancy/birth. A HUGE complaint I have with the state is they don't take our emotions into consideration at all. They've never addressed that side of things, or even that we feel loss when children reunify. It's weird and feels very impersonal. So it's awesome that your agency is helping you work through some of those emotions before a child comes into your life. 

While I'm thinking of it - I just wanted to let you guys know that it's totally normal if you meet your baby and don't feel an INSTANT connection. I spent the first several months with the girls wondering if I would be as frustrated with them if they "were mine" or if I would love them more, etc.. I felt really guilty and like I was failing these kids. It's not spoken about a lot but it's so so normal to feel like that. It took maybe 6 months to really form a bond with them, but once it was there it was oh so very real and deep and meaningful. So don't fret if it takes a while. :)

Hope you all have a brilliant day!


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## Axl2

The homestudy was good!! We have a few things we have to look into attachment issues and premature babies. I'm also looking into parenting classes which I can't find any in our area so I'm hoping we can do it online. Yeah it is awesome that they talk about the whole grieving thing. Its hard to talk about it with a stranger tho. 

Thanks for the advance I was kind of already thinking of that I'm hoping that isn't the case tho.

Does the sw call you and see if your ok with situation or do they just place you with a foster child? Also can you adopt through the government? In Canada you can foster, adopt through government or private.


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## missk1989

Hi guys. SW visit went really well. We are looking at going to panel by the beginning of June and having a child home by August. Sometimes I think it is ages away but with easter fast approaching and the all the bank holiday etc, I am sure it will come round fast!


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## Axl2

That's exciting missk1989!! And yeah it right around the corner it will be here sooner than you think.


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## Savasanna

Great news, Missk! I agree - it feels ages away now but in the blink of an eye you'll have a little one in your arms. Crazy!

They call us and give us some details (although they can be really limited.. age and gender) and then we either accept or deny. We haven't had any phone calls since our girls left on the 28th and I suspect that's because they haven't updated their records to show that we have a vacancy. But that's just a theory. We have a weekend trip scheduled for the first weekend in March so we figure we'll give them a call if we still haven't heard from them after that. 

We've also started talking about private adoption options, too. Although I'm not sure how the process works in the States. Funny that the three of us are all from different countries.


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## Axl2

Have you thought about contacting the private agency to see how the process works? 

Yeah I would phone I have found that if your not on top of the agency they forget about you. 

I'm getting a little frustrated with the whole adoption process I asked our social worker if we could do a parenting course online. She says yes but I will have some other recommendations once we have our last meeting. She also wants us to talk about our emotions around not having a child of our own, but we have dealt with this like 2 years ago. And then she recommended a book that talks about IVF and when to stop, but we have never done IVF. So not really sure how it relates to our situation.


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## Savasanna

Hmm.. that's annoying. We didn't do IVF either and I find it a little obnoxious when people ask us about it. It makes me feel like they're saying we didn't try hard enough or something. 

We talked about it a little more this weekend and my wife is really keen on starting the private adoption route as well. We're also considering one final try. So, it's possible that in a few months we'll officially be foster parents, pursuing private adoption who are ttc. haha. That's hilarious.


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## Axl2

Yeah I get what you mean. I don't think people understand how much of rollercoaster IVF is on people. 

Good luck with private adoption. 

I can't wait for our next meeting which is next week. We are going over our financials and doing one on one. And then once that is done it one less thing to stress about. Then we just have to wait for the write up which is another thing to stress over the joys of adoption.


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