# Terrible thread on over 35



## vintage67

There's a really awful thread on the third trimester forum right now, on "how old is too old?" :nope:

I should not have read it.

All of the comments on disabled babies, ruining your children's lives by being too old, remembrances of being "ashamed" of their older parents, and so on and so on. Most people did not see these things, but it doesn't take too many negative commetns to depress someone royally.


----------



## DeeM73

vintage67 said:


> There's a really awful thread on the third trimester forum right now, on "how old is too old?" :nope:
> 
> I should not have read it.
> 
> All of the comments on disabled babies, ruining your children's lives by being too old, remembrances of being "ashamed" of their older parents, and so on and so on. Most people did not see these things, but it doesn't take too many negative commetns to depress someone royally.

I know sorry I read them all too so sad :( x


----------



## BeachComber

I am going to have a look at the thread, although I know I shouldn't lol.

My Mom was 37 when I was born and I never had any bad feelings or thoughts that she was too old etc. I think that is ridiculous. :(


----------



## DeeM73

I will be 38 when our 3rd is born and it makes me feel sad that people think that's old but I guess that's their opinion.I don't think there is any 'right' age to have a baby and not everyone is blessed falling pregnant straight away,I don't think it's something you can just 'plan' x


----------



## poppy666

I replied on that thread ages ago and a lot of negative comments are from really young mums to be... seriously you can not predict what is going to happen in your life 10yrs from now so i guess you can expect those comments from a 20+ year old :shrug:

Im 41 and just happy im blessed with one more :hugs:


----------



## Garnet

Push Ignore! All that matters is your children's opinion and sorry but I've done the education thing, career thing, and plus I have the income to support my children comfortably so who cares what others think...


----------



## Andypanda6570

:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::cry::cry:


----------



## Gia7777

I couldn't resist, and posted over there even tho I have no business in 3rd tri right now.


----------



## Andypanda6570

Gia7777 said:


> I couldn't resist, and posted over there even tho I have no business in 3rd tri right now.

LOL I did too and I am not even pregnant yet :happydance::happydance::happydance: :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## FirstTime1974

Garnet said:


> Push Ignore! All that matters is your children's opinion and sorry but I've done the education thing, career thing, and plus I have the income to support my children comfortably so who cares what others think...

My sentiments exactly Garnet - well said! 

I'm a FTM who will turn 38 a few weeks after LO is born. The only disappointment I have is that my mum was 44 when she had me and sadly both my parents have passed away. My sister (16 years older then me) never had children, so this would have been their first Grandchild.


----------



## Sewergrrl

I wasn't bothered by the thread, as I think most expressed themselves well. The risk chart and medical issues posted were the poster's reasoning as to why they want to be a younger mom. I already know everything that can go wrong and it's not like reading that was a shocking newsflash.

People say things now when they're young that can change as your circumstances change. I cannot fault them for how they think because I too once felt the same...

- When I was younger, I didn't want children and IF I had them, it would be by 25. 
- When I was 25, I didn't want children and and even bigger IF would cut off at 30.
- When I was 30, I didn't want children at all.
- When I met my husband at 31 and found out he wanted children (he's 4 yrs younger), I said I'd consider it. We got married when I was almost 34, pregnant 6 months later, delivered at 35.
- When I was 35, 1 was enough and I thought I was too old for more.
- When I had a surprise pregnancy earlier this year that quickly ended in a MC, I realized that I wanted another child and gave myself until I was about 40 to have the baby. 3 months later I became pregnant at 38 and now feel that 2 children are enough.
- I could change my mind at anytime and try for a third. :haha:

Quite a change from my initial cut off of 25. :)


----------



## DeeM73

Noone can really plan their life out so to speak and don't think age really comes into it.I lost my mum 4 years ago when she was 56 :( I do feel for my 2 kids they were only 8 and 9 at the time but there are grandparents living in their 90's!!!It should be all about choice rather than worry about and age,so sad x


----------



## MamaD

It did anger me a bit to read, as they paint mothers over 30-35 as too infirm to keep up with children. I had my first at 19, and I'll be 38 when this Baby is born, but I don't FEEL any different than I did then. If anything, I'll have more time and energy to devote to this child, as it will be the only "little" one in the house! xx


----------



## DeeM73

I will be 38 too :) and I have 2 great helpers!!! x


----------



## MamaD

Me too! I've offers for babysitters all the time! :) My kids will be almost 11, almost 13, almost 16, and 18. I feel blessed that they're all as excited as me about this Baby!! xx


----------



## DeeM73

Aww that's great,haven't told our kids yet until 12 weeks but they will be over the moon :) x


----------



## MamaD

I understand the need to keep the "secret", and it would've been nice to share something so special between my husband & I for awhile, but it sure didn't work in this house. I had been trying to get pregnant for 39 months, so when that test came up positive, I think I screamed the house down! :D Had to explain my moment of insanity to them!


----------



## DeeM73

Aww so happy for guys :) I had an early miscarriage in May and glad I never said anything,this is why we're waiting.It's dragging though!!!! x


----------



## billlumbergh

i though that thread might bother a few people... but whats that old saying, Opinions are like arseholes..everyone has one:haha: 

i'm 26 and feel incredibly young to be having this baby, don't get me wrong, i know i'll be a good mom and this baby was planned and made with love, but i think theres a distinct advantage to being a little older. more mentally prepared or something... i dunno what the words are.

I work with a dentist who had three babies in her late late 30's/early 40's and she is a wonderful mom, full of energy and completely level headed...she's wonderful. 

In no way is your 30's or 40's considered old.

My husband is 41 and he's awesome, full of beans and he'll be a great dad to this baby.

And in regard to health problems... sadly there is a connection with older women...but.... there is also new stats about the amount of young women, i mean late teens and early 20's having babies with downs syndrome in the north... it was a gyne nurse telling me this. so i guess it is what it is...nothing is set in stone and as long as you want and love your baby who goves a flying s**t how old you are.


----------



## MamaD

DeeM73 said:


> Aww so happy for guys :) I had an early miscarriage in May and glad I never said anything,this is why we're waiting.It's dragging though!!!! x


Completely understand your reasoning, and so sorry for your loss. :hugs: Looking forward to following your journey - let me know how your children react when you tell them! xx:thumbup:


----------



## Ju_bubbs

Oh gosh, please excuse a 'younger' lady popping in! Just been to had a look, and I'm shocked that people would say some of those things.. especially knowing that there ARE plenty of 35+ ladies who are TTC and pregnant on here!!

My mum was 30 when she had me, and 40 when she had my youngest sister.. neither of us have ever thought of her as being an 'old mum' and neither of us have ever had a problem with it!! 

I'm proud to say that when my lot have grown up.. I hope to meet Mr Right and start a small family alll over again! :haha:


----------



## Xanth

I'm not going to read it. I'm sure it will upset me.

I was 19 when I had my first son and vowed never to have a baby over the age of 30. Funny how your opinions change when you get older, I'm now 41 (today). I had my son just before my 40th birthday last year and I'm trying again. I really don't feel "old" and I know I don't look it because my eldest son's friend thought I was his sister on FB hahaha.

It's wonderful this time round (hence trying again) and my two eldest sons and girlfriends are brilliant with their little brother.


----------



## MamaD

Xanth said:


> I'm not going to read it. I'm sure it will upset me.
> 
> I was 19 when I had my first son and vowed never to have a baby over the age of 30. Funny how your opinions change when you get older, I'm now 41 (today). I had my son just before my 40th birthday last year and I'm trying again. I really don't feel "old" and I know I don't look it because my eldest son's friend thought I was his sister on FB hahaha.
> 
> It's wonderful this time round (hence trying again) and my two eldest sons and girlfriends are brilliant with their little brother.



:icecream: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! xx


----------



## XxChristinexX

I read it too. I am wondering why the OP posted that,what was she hoping to gain out of it? Other than upsetting people?


----------



## April2012

My mom was 36 when my little sister was born...she was much younger when me and my older sister were born. by far...my little sister had the more comfortable childhood...because our parents had more time and money. I think that is consistently true with children of older parents.


----------



## LLbean

can I add my 2 cents?

I have NOT read the thread cause I will surely go off on the little girls there but you can NOT predict the babies health on age alone

I know someone who had her first child at 17 and that boy has just about every problem you can imagine...autism, legally blind, slight ******ation etc... She has since (at an older age) had 3 daughters that are perfectly healthy...so they are full of crap if they think they are exempt from issues....besides, being a mom too young also does quite the number on your body.


----------



## Torontogal

I only read the first six pages or so, but unless the thread deteriorated significantly afterward. I didn't think it was terrible, although I did think it over-simplified issues around fertility treatments and IVF (a perception which is unfortunately all too common). Most of the young posters were talking about their own choices, which is fine. I remember thinking all kinds of things when I was young too. 

Although I admit maybe I am a bit insulated from judgement because I met hubby later in life and just got married in May so everyone knows why I waited, it is obvious... I will have my one and only at 37. 

I have told people that I am glad I will be an older mom because I barely feel old enough now to have a baby, LOL  I feel a teensy bit bad that my kid will have to deal with me getting older about a decade before I had to deal with my parents getting older, but hey, that's life, it's not exactly the same for everyone and we all do what we can. 

And in an extra shout-our to older moms... my Great-Grandmother had my Grandad at 45, naturally obviously, after a long history of multiple miscarriages. My Grandad was her one and only and went on to have a wonderful, very rich life, travel, career, four kids (including my dad), etc.


----------



## Torontogal

Oh, and the issue of birth defects is only germane if you intend not to screen anyway - I would have screened for Downs etc. at ANY age so for me age isn't an issue.


----------



## DeeM73

Completely understand your reasoning, and so sorry for your loss. :hugs: Looking forward to following your journey - let me know how your children react when you tell them! xx:thumbup:[/QUOTE]

Aww thank you so much :) I'm at the midwife on Friday,I'll be 9 weeks then.I will certainly keep in touch and let you know :winkwink: Xx


----------



## vintage67

I understand the delay in waiting to tell. We just told our son and my mother in the last 2 weeks! I am a larger lady, so with some baggy clothes, I have just looked like I've gained a bit of weight.

We had 3 miscarriages to get here, so I wanted to wait a good long time to tell our son, and I was afraid of how my mother would react. She took it better than I thought she would!


----------



## MamaD

Isn't that funny, that at our age, we're still nervous to tell mom? :) I was SO scared she was gonna yell at me!! x x x


----------



## Torontogal

MamaD said:


> Isn't that funny, that at our age, we're still nervous to tell mom? :) I was SO scared she was gonna yell at me!! x x x

OMG, me too! I was terrified to tell my parents and in-laws, even though I know they all really wanted to be Grandparents! WTF? A lifetime of conditioning, I guess...


----------



## DeeM73

Will wait til the scan before we tell them.Not sure how my husband's family will react though as he has 4 older children,I know mine will be ok but being honest couldn't care less!!Hope you are keeping well xx


----------



## lindblum

My mum had my youngest sister - who is completely fine, when she was 39, i was 13. I absolutely loved having a baby sister and now I have a great babysitter for my girls :D

and to be honest, theres a thread moaning at nearly every group in this forum! e.g. too young, too old, too unhealthy, too poor, bad mum etc. you can't win 'em all ;) 

congrats to all the new mamas x


----------



## deafgal

that is so silly! people have been giving birth over 35 since the beginning of human time, even before birth control. And there are plenty of healthy kids! Plus, I think it is harsh for women who focused on school and career first before having a child. Their children is no better or worst than those who had kids before age 35.


----------



## DeeM73

Well said Lindblum!xx


----------



## DeeM73

Well said Lindblum!xx


----------



## MamaD

My Mom was 38 when I was born, and my Dad 47. I'll be 38 when this Baby's born, and my husband will be 42. My siblings were always jealous of me, as my parents had more time and money for me than they did for them. Lol...In fact, I was always on their sh*t list, because I got to date earlier than them (by a month - sheesh!), I got to borrow the car and they didn't, etc....


----------



## happymamma

I couldn't resist, I posted on there only because Vintage started this thread, and seemed so upset, it broke my heart. We all deserve to have our babies at whatever age we chose to, and deserve to be happy and excited about it just like anyone at any age! Congrats to all of us 'old farts' lol for conceiving!!! I wish you all the best!! 

Tbh, I didn't want kids after 30. Lmao, once you reach 30, its true, you realize it isnt old! I had my 1st at 29, Im now 39 expecting my 6th. I want 10 in all..Kidding!!! Really, this is my last. Its kinda hard to carry a baby with a cane in one hand. Sorry, another joke :blush: Im just feeling a bit bitter from some of the comments on that thread. Even though it was only maybe 2% negative, that 2% is upsetting. Some of those girls need a time-out :haha:


----------



## poppy666

happymamma your lucky your only using a cane, im on the zimmer frame :haha:


----------



## LadyAce14

How about this perspective ... We TRIED to have a child for 10 years! I was 26 when we started this journey and now 36 when God decided to bless with a baby. I don't feel old and apparently neither does my body which is finally doing what it was designed for. "Too old" ... It's insulting.


----------



## LadyAce14

LOL at Happymama and Poppy! Thanks so much for the much needed laugh, ladies.


----------



## DeeM73

Congratulations!!x


----------



## poppy666

Congratulations sweetie and yes your right it is insulting :hugs:


----------



## happymamma

poppy666 said:


> happymamma your lucky your only using a cane, im on the zimmer frame :haha:

:rofl: :haha:


----------



## mtnprotracy

....not gonna read right now, still too giddy with excitement :D! That thread, in and of itself, is justification for this little sub-category on this forum.....thankful for all the support and encouragement! I'm just sticking my fingers in my ears and singing, "la, la, la, la, la!"


----------



## happymamma

mtnprotracy said:


> ....not gonna read right now, still too giddy with excitement :D! That thread, in and of itself, is justification for this little sub-category on this forum.....thankful for all the support and encouragement! I'm just sticking my fingers in my ears and singing, "la, la, la, la, la!"

:) Thats what I was going to do also, but then I had to check since it was upsetting ppl. But really, most of the comments there were nice. We should all be giddy and excited now! We have as much right as those 'under 35' do!


----------



## April2012

can someone link the thread here? i have been over to third trimester board several times looking for it...and can't find it!


----------



## Gia7777

Here ya go!

https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-third-trimester/699729-age-too-old.html


----------



## April2012

thanks. here is what i posted.

"Hmmm...having spent my twenties having a blast as a party girl and traveling the world without a care in the world...I will say that the 30s and early 40s sounds ideal for motherhood!"


----------



## poppy666

Here you go https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-third-trimester/699729-age-too-old.html


----------



## kmumtobe

Sorry i dont belong here, i just saw the title on the homepage come up and was curious! But just to say i was 24 when i was pregnant and i got terrible comments for being too young so you really cant win!! x


----------



## Gia7777

April2012 said:


> thanks. here is what i posted.
> 
> "Hmmm...having spent my twenties having a blast as a party girl and traveling the world without a care in the world...I will say that the 30s and early 40s sounds ideal for motherhood!"

Lol. I said something similar :hugs:


----------



## nickyXjayno

I posted on the thread that age doesn't matter, as long as you are able to provide all a childs needs then that's the only important factor for me.
I think if you have had your menopause and it wasn't an early one (as in 50+) then i think it's natures way of saying it's too late but i think that's quite a common opinion.

One thing i'm confused about is that a lot of girls on here are saying there were posts saying 30+ is too old and i never saw any of that.
There were girls saying they personally wouldn't want children at that age but no one was condemning anyone else for having kids at that age.

I find it just as offensive when I see ladies posting that their going to be a better mum than me because their older etc so swings in roundabouts I guess.


----------



## April2012

I think there were a few posts that strongly suggested that being older was a negative. Regarding your last comment, I am sorry if someone on this board was stating they would be a better mom than you due to age. What I think some older moms-to-be have expressed is that they think personally they make better moms now than they would have/or did in their twenties when they weren't prepared financially, socially or emotionally. For me, I could not have been a mom in my twenties because of my lifestyle...but others are prepared and do so brilliantly!


----------



## happymamma

April2012 said:


> I think there were a few posts that strongly suggested that being older was a negative. Regarding your last comment, I am sorry if someone on this board was stating they would be a better mom than you due to age. What I think some older moms-to-be have expressed is that they think personally they make better moms now than they would have/or did in their twenties when they weren't prepared financially, socially or emotionally. For me, I could not have been a mom in my twenties because of my lifestyle...but others are prepared and do so brilliantly!

I agree! I didnt see the comment about someone being a better mom cuz she was older either. I personally, don't agree on that. One of my bff's had her kids when she was 16, then 17, and she was one of the best mothers Ive seen! So ya, it all depends on each individual, and when they are ready for it. When I look back, I definately wa far from ready in my early 20's. I used that time to figure out what I really wanted in life. Although, I always knew kids would be a huge part of it. I didn't feel ready until I was 27. For me, that was the perfect age.

I wish ppl could just let ppl have their babies, and mind their own businesses really, who's to say who has more right being pg?

Anyways, I hope EVERYONE has a h&h 9 mths!! xxxxx


----------



## poppy

I think a lot of those attitudes are very old fashioned as nowadays there are many, many women having children in their mid - late 30s, even 40s. I think in the past, women commonly had kids in their 20s, so if your mum or dad was a bit older it would be seen as unusual but now, especially educated women and women wanting careers, it is far more common to have kids a bit later on.

I am nearly 34 and have two children (one born when I was 31 and one born this year when I was 33). I hope (if I can convince hubbie he he) to have a third child, preferably when I am 35/36, so I hope things go smoothly healthwise for me and the baby and hope I conceive easily. One thing I haven't dwelt on is attitudes towards being pregnant in the mid-30s or a child having a hang up having an 'older' mother. This is probably because the majority of my friends (my age and older) are only beginning to have a baby number one now and this seems far more the norm these days.

Good luck with your pregnancies and try to enjoy them without worrying about the attitudes of others.

xxx


----------



## hot tea

I have absolutely no business here seeing as I am so young but I just wanted to say that e majority of that thread is horseshit. It is simply FASHINABLE to have babies younger.


----------



## poppy666

:haha: not heard that word for years 'horseshit' lol


----------



## Sewergrrl

I haven't heard horseshit in a long time either! :haha: Hot tea, you can be here as long as you're friendly. We don't age discriminate. :)


----------



## vintage67

Motherhood is hard and it tests you. You rise to the occasion or you don't. Thankfully, most do. We've all seen the societal effects when people don't. We thought having two kids would encourage my sister in law and her boyfriend, now husband to grow up and it didn't. And they were both in their thirties at the time.

It's hard work and it takes a lot of energy and patience. Generally, the younger moms have more energy and the older ones a bit more patience. This isn't carved in stone, and there are advantages to both.


----------



## poppy666

Totally agree there,in my 20s i had no patience with my older 3, but have loads with korben my 18mth old


----------



## jennyxx

My Mother-In-Law had my Fiance when she was 44 (we all say the electric must have went off for a few days) and he is now 25 and she 69. There is a 17 year age gap between him and his brothers and they are the happiest family I have ever met. Although having a heart condition she is still happy and young at heart.


----------



## vintage67

I am 44 for those who didn't know. Your story is sweet, but I can't say that seeing it in print isn't somewhat alarming! (him being 25 and her 69!) But I'm sure neither of them would say he shouldn't have been born or has been "cheated" somehow.


----------



## Sewergrrl

vintage67 said:


> I am 44 for those who didn't know.

My goodness! You really dusted the cobwebs off for this baby, huh?

I'm totally kidding! I LOVE it that you're here, pregnant, and proud. :)


----------



## poppy666

Great age Vintage and congratz :hugs:

Im 41 be nearly 42 when this one is born.


----------



## xxembobxx

poppy666 said:


> in my 20s i had no patience with my older 3, but have loads with korben my 18mth old

I was the same. Married at 18 and had 2 babies quickly after. Everything felt so hard as I hadn't established myself in life. I have so much more patience and confidence now I'm old!
Old isn't what it used to be - my nanna was old at 50 and yet my mum is in her 50's and plays Playstation and works harder than ever.
I don't feel like an old mum as there are a lot of mums a similar age to me. I think I was more prejudiced against when I was younger, I can still remember the stares as I took the kids to school. I know I looked younger than I was but the judgmental looks were terrible.


----------



## xxembobxx

Just to add I think as long as you are ready for children then age doesn't matter.
I know teenage mothers and it's like they were born to be a mum, likewise I know older people that find it a real shock to have children as they have had a long time without them.


----------



## vintage67

We have a 7 year old. We started trying when he was 3 and had 3 miscarriages along the way. I had kind of given up and then surprise! It's a happy, frightening time!


----------



## poppy666

I dont think you can win no matter how old you are, be it a young mum or older mum. I suffered a missed miscarriage at 9wks 3 days before christmas just passed and never thought id be blessed with another child so soon after my loss so this baby means everything to us and ive just learnt to ignore negative comments.


----------



## LadyAce14

My Mom had my sister and I at 17 & 19 respectively. She has been an awesome mom! 
But I didn't meet Mr. Right at 13 like she did and I wanted to go to college and establish a career before trying to start a family. You all know the rest of my story and our struggles to conceive ... which had nothing to do with age.
My perspective: I would never even consider asking at a forum such as this-How young is too young? Because that's none of my damn business. So I'm concerned that the forum allowed that topic and the continued discussion. How dare anyone ask that at a place like this? Knowing full well there are plenty of older moms or wannabe moms here. And yeah, most of the discussion was pleasant and reasonable. But some comments were insulting. I tortured myself and read the whole thing. Also, I did take note at how touchy some of the younger moms and wannabe moms were when one of us "old farts" commented anything close to being better prepared for parenthood as we mature. The hypocrisy bothers me. You can start a whole thread about us oldies and how maybe we're making bad choices (like I had a choice) but goodness forbid I express an opinion on you having a child so young.

Sorry ladies. I normally take the good from this place, try to leave a little good myself and leave the rest for rubbish. But obviously, that thread and this topic have hit a nerve with me. I apologize for ranting.


----------



## VoodooDoll

Erm yes, well that was a lengthy one for a newbie. Here was my response:

"hmmm, interesting read, and a bit of a baptism of fire for a newbie, but here's my thoughts for anyone who gives a monkeys. My first child I had at the tender age of 22, she is off to University this week! My second child I had at the age of 23, he's studying for his A levels and doing well. Now I find myself pregnant again, after 17 years, at the ripe "old" age of 40. I guess I don't know what that makes me! 

What I can say from experience though is that my children have only ever been a blessing to me, they have never stopped me experiencing life or acheiving in this world, infact they have simply given me the drive to experience life to the full. I don't expect my latest addition to do anything other than that.

Sooooo, young mum, old mum, educated mum, working mother, whatever....none of these will make a blind bit of difference to you if you grab motherhood with both hands and revel in it. It is a blessing to us all and no-one should criticise another's way of experiencing it."


----------



## supermum7

i am 39 and my oldest child is 22 and has 2 chldren which makes me a nanny.i am due in 6 weeks and my children including my 22 year old are so excited.I also have a 21 year old daughter who was born blind,i had her when i was 18.so this just goes to show it makes no difference if your a young mum or a mum thats just that bit older,the only thing is that an older mum is made more aware of the risks,i was not told of any risks back then.


----------



## DeeM73

Aww that's fab!Congratulations!!I'm so happy that your daughter is happy for you :) I hope I get the same response from my husband's family!!x


----------



## princessjulia

i havnt seen it mayb tht might be good thing take no notice ladies and enjoy lookin 4ward to your gorgeous babies


----------



## SabrinaKat

I thought it was more fashionable to be an older mum - LOL! 

I'm 43 and it's my first; all the bloods/scans show baby is so far perfect. I am in excellent health and fortunately, none of my friends or family seem to think I'm too old, as for being a young mum - that's great too! 

One of my neighbours is 25 and is having her second; good for her, because my little one will have some lovely neighbourhood children to play with, and I can ask her advise, but one of the benefits of being that bit older, is that I'm comfortable enough to ask for help!

Also, I'll be 60 when this baby (!) goes to university; my Dad is 75 and in perfect health; his dad lived until he was 90, so I think I'll be around. If not, then we'll have put money together in a trust to make sure he's taken care of....

oh, well....

best wishes

PS. I wonder if everyone is defensive because the older mum may have a harder time getting pregnant and the media tell us it's our fault because we 'waited' and the younger mums are being told that they are wasting their lives having their children so young. Just a thought....(not mine, what is portrayed in the media)...


----------



## cluelessnow

I'm not even going to read it.


----------



## DeeM73

I think it's a catch 22!!! Congratulations and hope you are keeping well :) xx


----------



## seoj

I also left a comment on that thread... because I (at age 37) feel SO blessed to be pregnant for the first time... I also know that for me, personally, I was NOT meant to be a young mom. I am much more mentally, emotionally, and financially ready now that I ever would have been in my 20's. That was my time to discover who I was, what I truly wanted out of life and to enjoy ME. I also didn't meet my hubby till I was 32... and I have NO regrets. I think whatever situation your in personally, it's hard to see outside that box we live in and why we feel our situation is "better". Especially some of the comments from the super young girls... they just don't understand. Which is fine- they are doing what they feel is best for them. As are we :) 

I do find it unfortunate that anyway would make such ignorant comments about "older" moms... I'm sure we could come up with some good reasons to wait as well! But a good mom is a good mom- period. No matter the age. Maybe it should be about what makes a good mom... and there are many aspects to that. But age, should not be THE deciding factor. 

Ok... off my soap box! ;)


----------



## _Vicky_

Awwww dont be sad if anyone is feeling sad by that thread just be glad - I had twins at 36 - healthy happy amazing little boys that dont give a crap that I am 38. I would have been a rubbish mum any earlier and more importantly my ex would never have made a good dad. I made the perfect decision for me - my old bones are keeping up with two twenty year old monsters and tbh I wouldnt have had the initiative or balls to be so demanding of the NHS when I was in my 20's so my boys have done better to have an older mum. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## luvmypups

I am pg with my first and my due date is 2 weeks before my 38 birthday. My OH will be 53 the week after my due date. My family took the news great, lots of hugs and congrats. We still haven't told his family because of all the negative comments surrounding our age difference, from when we married 6 years ago. At our wedding, no less, we overheard several people comments, I hope they don't plan on kids (including his own kids). I cried on his shoulder that night. He pretty much told me screw them, it was our life. Now that we finally have a bun in the oven, it really is kinda sad that I don't even feel like I can celebrate our miracle around them. BTW, OH couldn't be happier :)


----------



## Cee108

vintage67 said:


> There's a really awful thread on the third trimester forum right now, on "how old is too old?" :nope:
> 
> I should not have read it.
> 
> All of the comments on disabled babies, ruining your children's lives by being too old, remembrances of being "ashamed" of their older parents, and so on and so on. Most people did not see these things, but it doesn't take too many negative commetns to depress someone royally.

My mom was 36 when I was born - she was 48 when my youngest sibling was born. A surprise pregnancy, but she found out too late because her periods had been irregular and she thought it was just proper menopause setting in, LoL. 

She had a great pregnancy, my bro came a week early and labor was 2 hrs - he almost popped out while my mom was still in the car! :) 

I feel raising a kid might have been very hard on her at that age but, as she says, she never counted on her other kids being grown-up and helping out so much (I was 12 at the time!) but now that we are grown up, my brother has siblings aged 25, 24, 21 and 19 and he doesn't feel like he missed out on anything because his parents are 20 years older than average. In fact, because both my parents are 60 now, they've always kept in mind that the LO needed to grow up to be independent n mature as anything can happen to them (heaven forbid) 

Based on my family's story, I don't think its up to anyone to judge when and how women should get pregnant. 

I just thought I'd share a positive story about a family who had one late in life ;-) :flower:


----------



## DeeM73

luvmypups said:


> I am pg with my first and my due date is 2 weeks before my 38 birthday. My OH will be 53 the week after my due date. My family took the news great, lots of hugs and congrats. We still haven't told his family because of all the negative comments surrounding our age difference, from when we married 6 years ago. At our wedding, no less, we overheard several people comments, I hope they don't plan on kids (including his own kids). I cried on his shoulder that night. He pretty much told me screw them, it was our life. Now that we finally have a bun in the oven, it really is kinda sad that I don't even feel like I can celebrate our miracle around them. BTW, OH couldn't be happier :)

Hiya!!! I'm in a very similar situation to you guys.Same age,same age difference and same family problems!! My family were over the moon,especially my daughter 13 and my son 12 :happydance: and close friends.His family(his kids) on the otherhand were a different story,not one of them have said congratulations,just things like 'oh will this be the last one' and 'you are joking??'.I kind of expected that anyway cos a good while back my husband had made remarks to his kids about us having another and that went down like a lead balloon,we had comments like 'oh we'll all be on the Jeremy Kyle show and how embarrassing it would be if they were to have kids and the age difference between nephew/uncles etc.I find them so sad that's all they have to worry about how it will affect them when it has really nothing to do with them.I must say that his dad could not be happier :happydance: My husband has the same attitude as yours but I still worry! It should be a happy time cos a little miracle is on its way.So when do you plan on telling OH's family? x


----------



## SuperAwesome

You know, all I have to say about that thread is this: I remember how young and foolish I was in my twenties. :D


----------



## luvmypups

Hi DeeM73

We were supposed to tell them last weekend, but OH had a business trip. He's due back tomorrow and says he's going to tell his mom in person later this week. I think his parents will be shocked (we didnt tell anyone we were trying) but they will warm to the idea. It's his daughters I am worried about, I expect similar results as you got. To top it off, his youngest (who is 28, but just started speaking to me the past 2 years), is due in late Jan with his first grandchild. I am sure she will not be receptive, and assume I am trying to steal her thunder. We have been trying for four years, they got pg the first month they tried. I don't want her thunder, but I would like for people to be happy for me, as every woman deserve at least one miracle. 
I hope your family comes around, too, and realizes the special blessing you and your OH have created.


----------



## DeeM73

Hiya! We didn't tell anyone we were trying either,my husband just dropped little 'comments' a good while back which didn't go down to well!I have always wanted a 3rd but as our kids got older it was 'like starting all over'.Anyway we decided we would give it this year and I feel so blessed it has happened!!It was like 'now or never' if you know what I mean.Both sets are shocked but with mine they are over the moon along with my husband's dad,his family like brothers and sister are shocked but fine it's his kids that it kind of causes the problems but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with them!My husband has just started speaking to 2 of his kids the past 4 years so I know what it's like too.I was so worried because the family were back together and I thought it would cause problems and there would be a big fall out.My husband like I say couldn't care less if they are not happy then so be it,it's me that worries cos I want any fallouts just everyone to be 'happy'.I hope all goes well when you do tell,as long as you are both happy then that's all that matters.If his daughter does think that then that's something she has to deal with sometimes people will always think whatever no matter what the real story is.Keep in touch!! x


----------



## Mabythistime

:nope: I just dont get it. I am not one sided cos I am in the over 35 section...we only started to try when I was 33/34 for #1.

I still dont get why the age thing is brought up in a negative light sometimes. So nice to see all the "positive" stories here, but sad for you ladies getting the negative remarks, especially from families :growlmad:

Who thinks they have the right to decide what our hearts may feel and may not feel? If your body tells you that you want a baby, then that is all that matters. If your body gives you a baby, who is anyone to question that!

I still sometimes go back to the TTC over 35 forum, and my heart bleeds for many ladies there. I go to the teen section and I see many many very grown-up ladies over there too struggling with the opposite side of the age judjement wheel.

A baby is a gift and no woman should have to be asked why or receive any judgemental comments. If only it was easy to ignore people. :hugs:


----------

