# Deflated. How can I stop this feeling?



## VickyLou

A brief bit of back ground. Sorry if this is long. 

So me and OH tried for 8 years to get my beautiful little girl now 16 months almost. After years of disappointed I finally gave up and decided to concentrate on other things in life after one more cycle trying,in March 2014 I got my BFP. As you can image I was over the moon. So happy and excited when we found out she was a girl. 

Now I find myself pregnant, unplanned, unexpected, a massive shock. After trying so long to get our first we never thought it would happen again for us so soon. I always wanted my daughter to have a sibling but not for at least 3-4 years. My OH was adamant he didn't want any more. 
So December we found out, I'll be honest I was gutted, I cried a lot, I felt so many emotions. Lots of guilt for my daughter as I wouldn't get much time with her on her own. So we had an early scan measuring 8 weeks I hoped that would make me feel better about it, NOPE! I found the heartbeat @9half weeks, I didn't feel anything. At my '12' week scan i measured 14 weeks, I hope seeing it move and looking like a baby and seeing the heart flicker I would feel happy, NOPE. So we announced to Facebook in the hope that being able to talk about it would make it more real, I started to get brief moment of excitement but still no feeling really. 
We booked at private gender scan for 16+4 in the hope that baby becoming a he or a she would make it real. 

Well here we are I had my scan on Saturday I was praying for a boy since we only want 2 kids. The tech scanned for ages, baby was sitting in its legs and couldn't get a clear view so sent us for a walk. Went back scanned again baby hadn't moved much but he took a guess at a girl and invited us back to confirm next week. I am 100% sure it's a girl, my gut told me from day 1 and one of the pictures I have of between the legs Defo tells me girl. It's far to similar to my daughters at the same stage in pregnancy. 

Now not only do I feel guilt for my daughter, I feel so guilty I feel like this. I'm so deflated and disappointed we are having another girl I don't no how to shift this feeling. I feel no bond with this pregnancy this time. Again which makes me feel so guilty. 

Any advice ladies I'm so scared of rejecting this baby and developing PND. :( 
Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Xx


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## VickyLou

This is my daughters scan on the left from 2014 and the scan we had with the new baby on Saturday. X
 



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## kittylady

Hi Vicky we felt like this with our second girl and it took a little bit longer to bond with her. There is a 2.2 year age gap between them and now we have a 3.7 year old and a 17 month old and they play together nicely most of the time and really enjoy each other's company. I'm now pregnant again and have the same sorts of feelings. My husband only wanted 2 and we really would like a boy but we find out 11th Apr. It will probably be a girl and I feel guilty that I will be disappointed. It won't last forever but I think you grieve over the child you never had.


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## VickyLou

kittylady said:


> Hi Vicky we felt like this with our second girl and it took a little bit longer to bond with her. There is a 2.2 year age gap between them and now we have a 3.7 year old and a 17 month old and they play together nicely most of the time and really enjoy each other's company. I'm now pregnant again and have the same sorts of feelings. My husband only wanted 2 and we really would like a boy but we find out 11th Apr. It will probably be a girl and I feel guilty that I will be disappointed. It won't last forever but I think you grieve over the child you never had.

Thank you so much kitty lady for replying to me. I'm sure I will feel ok when she arrives but I was hoping to have some positive feelings before she arrives. We have a while left yet so hopefully I'll get some excitement from somewhere. I feel terrible cause there are lots of people out there that would love to be in my situation and I know I should be so thankful regardless of the sex I never thought I would have 1 baby never mind 2. I just know this is my last one so no opportunity for a baby boy :(
Thank you again. I pray your little bump turns blue next month. Xxx


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## jac4315

VickyLou said:


> A brief bit of back ground. Sorry if this is long.
> 
> So me and OH tried for 8 years to get my beautiful little girl now 16 months almost. After years of disappointed I finally gave up and decided to concentrate on other things in life after one more cycle trying,in March 2014 I got my BFP. As you can image I was over the moon. So happy and excited when we found out she was a girl.
> 
> Now I find myself pregnant, unplanned, unexpected, a massive shock. After trying so long to get our first we never thought it would happen again for us so soon. I always wanted my daughter to have a sibling but not for at least 3-4 years. My OH was adamant he didn't want any more.
> So December we found out, I'll be honest I was gutted, I cried a lot, I felt so many emotions. Lots of guilt for my daughter as I wouldn't get much time with her on her own. So we had an early scan measuring 8 weeks I hoped that would make me feel better about it, NOPE! I found the heartbeat @9half weeks, I didn't feel anything. At my '12' week scan i measured 14 weeks, I hope seeing it move and looking like a baby and seeing the heart flicker I would feel happy, NOPE. So we announced to Facebook in the hope that being able to talk about it would make it more real, I started to get brief moment of excitement but still no feeling really.
> We booked at private gender scan for 16+4 in the hope that baby becoming a he or a she would make it real.
> 
> Well here we are I had my scan on Saturday I was praying for a boy since we only want 2 kids. The tech scanned for ages, baby was sitting in its legs and couldn't get a clear view so sent us for a walk. Went back scanned again baby hadn't moved much but he took a guess at a girl and invited us back to confirm next week. I am 100% sure it's a girl, my gut told me from day 1 and one of the pictures I have of between the legs Defo tells me girl. It's far to similar to my daughters at the same stage in pregnancy.
> 
> Now not only do I feel guilt for my daughter, I feel so guilty I feel like this. I'm so deflated and disappointed we are having another girl I don't no how to shift this feeling. I feel no bond with this pregnancy this time. Again which makes me feel so guilty.
> 
> Any advice ladies I'm so scared of rejecting this baby and developing PND. :(
> Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Xx

This may not help much, as I'm no where near in your shoes except wanting a boy, but this is my first and we are planning on four if the Lord allows. 

My pastors sisters tried for 6 years, finally after lots of prayer and trying they got pregnant with twins, both girls. Not to long ago they had their 3rd, a little girl. I'm sure it's tough for you as I know it would for me as I've always dreamed for boys, but those 3 little girls are THE closest of friends. Inseparable. I see a bond, especially between the twins that could never be broken. So maybe this is why, maybe you will have 2 little girls that will be able to hold each other up through everything and be the best of friends, whereas maybe that wouldn't happen if it's a boy. 

I was the oldest with a brother a few years behind me, to be honest, we fought all the time :/ I love him to death, always have, but we still don't really get along that well. :( 

Hopefully this helped a little and didn't hurt. :hugs::hugs: Hoping it gets better! <3


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## VickyLou

jac4315 said:


> VickyLou said:
> 
> 
> A brief bit of back ground. Sorry if this is long.
> 
> So me and OH tried for 8 years to get my beautiful little girl now 16 months almost. After years of disappointed I finally gave up and decided to concentrate on other things in life after one more cycle trying,in March 2014 I got my BFP. As you can image I was over the moon. So happy and excited when we found out she was a girl.
> 
> Now I find myself pregnant, unplanned, unexpected, a massive shock. After trying so long to get our first we never thought it would happen again for us so soon. I always wanted my daughter to have a sibling but not for at least 3-4 years. My OH was adamant he didn't want any more.
> So December we found out, I'll be honest I was gutted, I cried a lot, I felt so many emotions. Lots of guilt for my daughter as I wouldn't get much time with her on her own. So we had an early scan measuring 8 weeks I hoped that would make me feel better about it, NOPE! I found the heartbeat @9half weeks, I didn't feel anything. At my '12' week scan i measured 14 weeks, I hope seeing it move and looking like a baby and seeing the heart flicker I would feel happy, NOPE. So we announced to Facebook in the hope that being able to talk about it would make it more real, I started to get brief moment of excitement but still no feeling really.
> We booked at private gender scan for 16+4 in the hope that baby becoming a he or a she would make it real.
> 
> Well here we are I had my scan on Saturday I was praying for a boy since we only want 2 kids. The tech scanned for ages, baby was sitting in its legs and couldn't get a clear view so sent us for a walk. Went back scanned again baby hadn't moved much but he took a guess at a girl and invited us back to confirm next week. I am 100% sure it's a girl, my gut told me from day 1 and one of the pictures I have of between the legs Defo tells me girl. It's far to similar to my daughters at the same stage in pregnancy.
> 
> Now not only do I feel guilt for my daughter, I feel so guilty I feel like this. I'm so deflated and disappointed we are having another girl I don't no how to shift this feeling. I feel no bond with this pregnancy this time. Again which makes me feel so guilty.
> 
> Any advice ladies I'm so scared of rejecting this baby and developing PND. :(
> Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Xx
> 
> This may not help much, as I'm no where near in your shoes except wanting a boy, but this is my first and we are planning on four if the Lord allows.
> 
> My pastors sisters tried for 6 years, finally after lots of prayer and trying they got pregnant with twins, both girls. Not to long ago they had their 3rd, a little girl. I'm sure it's tough for you as I know it would for me as I've always dreamed for boys, but those 3 little girls are THE closest of friends. Inseparable. I see a bond, especially between the twins that could never be broken. So maybe this is why, maybe you will have 2 little girls that will be able to hold each other up through everything and be the best of friends, whereas maybe that wouldn't happen if it's a boy.
> 
> I was the oldest with a brother a few years behind me, to be honest, we fought all the time :/ I love him to death, always have, but we still don't really get along that well. :(
> 
> Hopefully this helped a little and didn't hurt. :hugs::hugs: Hoping it gets better! <3Click to expand...

Oh I know it will be amazing to watch her to grow up with a sister someone that will be by her side forever. They will hopefully grow to be best friends for ever. I always wanted a sister when I was younger but I got 2 brothers 1 older and 1 younger and we fought like cat and dog. We all hated each other growing up and ain't very close now so I know having a girl will be great for my daughter. I just can't shake this feeling that I'm missing out on a completely new adventure having a son :( xxx


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## jac4315

VickyLou said:


> jac4315 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> VickyLou said:
> 
> 
> A brief bit of back ground. Sorry if this is long.
> 
> So me and OH tried for 8 years to get my beautiful little girl now 16 months almost. After years of disappointed I finally gave up and decided to concentrate on other things in life after one more cycle trying,in March 2014 I got my BFP. As you can image I was over the moon. So happy and excited when we found out she was a girl.
> 
> Now I find myself pregnant, unplanned, unexpected, a massive shock. After trying so long to get our first we never thought it would happen again for us so soon. I always wanted my daughter to have a sibling but not for at least 3-4 years. My OH was adamant he didn't want any more.
> So December we found out, I'll be honest I was gutted, I cried a lot, I felt so many emotions. Lots of guilt for my daughter as I wouldn't get much time with her on her own. So we had an early scan measuring 8 weeks I hoped that would make me feel better about it, NOPE! I found the heartbeat @9half weeks, I didn't feel anything. At my '12' week scan i measured 14 weeks, I hope seeing it move and looking like a baby and seeing the heart flicker I would feel happy, NOPE. So we announced to Facebook in the hope that being able to talk about it would make it more real, I started to get brief moment of excitement but still no feeling really.
> We booked at private gender scan for 16+4 in the hope that baby becoming a he or a she would make it real.
> 
> Well here we are I had my scan on Saturday I was praying for a boy since we only want 2 kids. The tech scanned for ages, baby was sitting in its legs and couldn't get a clear view so sent us for a walk. Went back scanned again baby hadn't moved much but he took a guess at a girl and invited us back to confirm next week. I am 100% sure it's a girl, my gut told me from day 1 and one of the pictures I have of between the legs Defo tells me girl. It's far to similar to my daughters at the same stage in pregnancy.
> 
> Now not only do I feel guilt for my daughter, I feel so guilty I feel like this. I'm so deflated and disappointed we are having another girl I don't no how to shift this feeling. I feel no bond with this pregnancy this time. Again which makes me feel so guilty.
> 
> Any advice ladies I'm so scared of rejecting this baby and developing PND. :(
> Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Xx
> 
> This may not help much, as I'm no where near in your shoes except wanting a boy, but this is my first and we are planning on four if the Lord allows.
> 
> My pastors sisters tried for 6 years, finally after lots of prayer and trying they got pregnant with twins, both girls. Not to long ago they had their 3rd, a little girl. I'm sure it's tough for you as I know it would for me as I've always dreamed for boys, but those 3 little girls are THE closest of friends. Inseparable. I see a bond, especially between the twins that could never be broken. So maybe this is why, maybe you will have 2 little girls that will be able to hold each other up through everything and be the best of friends, whereas maybe that wouldn't happen if it's a boy.
> 
> I was the oldest with a brother a few years behind me, to be honest, we fought all the time :/ I love him to death, always have, but we still don't really get along that well. :(
> 
> Hopefully this helped a little and didn't hurt. :hugs::hugs: Hoping it gets better! <3Click to expand...
> 
> Oh I know it will be amazing to watch her to grow up with a sister someone that will be by her side forever. They will hopefully grow to be best friends for ever. I always wanted a sister when I was younger but I got 2 brothers 1 older and 1 younger and we fought like cat and dog. We all hated each other growing up and ain't very close now so I know having a girl will be great for my daughter. I just can't shake this feeling that I'm missing out on a completely new adventure having a son :( xxxClick to expand...

I'm sure it is tough, I'm sorry :( Wish there was something I could do to help! :hugs:
Maybe somehow it'll be in life's plans to have a 3rd, and that will be your team blue :) :hugs::flower:


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## VickyLou

jac4315 said:


> VickyLou said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> jac4315 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> VickyLou said:
> 
> 
> A brief bit of back ground. Sorry if this is long.
> 
> So me and OH tried for 8 years to get my beautiful little girl now 16 months almost. After years of disappointed I finally gave up and decided to concentrate on other things in life after one more cycle trying,in March 2014 I got my BFP. As you can image I was over the moon. So happy and excited when we found out she was a girl.
> 
> Now I find myself pregnant, unplanned, unexpected, a massive shock. After trying so long to get our first we never thought it would happen again for us so soon. I always wanted my daughter to have a sibling but not for at least 3-4 years. My OH was adamant he didn't want any more.
> So December we found out, I'll be honest I was gutted, I cried a lot, I felt so many emotions. Lots of guilt for my daughter as I wouldn't get much time with her on her own. So we had an early scan measuring 8 weeks I hoped that would make me feel better about it, NOPE! I found the heartbeat @9half weeks, I didn't feel anything. At my '12' week scan i measured 14 weeks, I hope seeing it move and looking like a baby and seeing the heart flicker I would feel happy, NOPE. So we announced to Facebook in the hope that being able to talk about it would make it more real, I started to get brief moment of excitement but still no feeling really.
> We booked at private gender scan for 16+4 in the hope that baby becoming a he or a she would make it real.
> 
> Well here we are I had my scan on Saturday I was praying for a boy since we only want 2 kids. The tech scanned for ages, baby was sitting in its legs and couldn't get a clear view so sent us for a walk. Went back scanned again baby hadn't moved much but he took a guess at a girl and invited us back to confirm next week. I am 100% sure it's a girl, my gut told me from day 1 and one of the pictures I have of between the legs Defo tells me girl. It's far to similar to my daughters at the same stage in pregnancy.
> 
> Now not only do I feel guilt for my daughter, I feel so guilty I feel like this. I'm so deflated and disappointed we are having another girl I don't no how to shift this feeling. I feel no bond with this pregnancy this time. Again which makes me feel so guilty.
> 
> Any advice ladies I'm so scared of rejecting this baby and developing PND. :(
> Sorry it's so long. Thanks for reading if you got this far. Xx
> 
> This may not help much, as I'm no where near in your shoes except wanting a boy, but this is my first and we are planning on four if the Lord allows.
> 
> My pastors sisters tried for 6 years, finally after lots of prayer and trying they got pregnant with twins, both girls. Not to long ago they had their 3rd, a little girl. I'm sure it's tough for you as I know it would for me as I've always dreamed for boys, but those 3 little girls are THE closest of friends. Inseparable. I see a bond, especially between the twins that could never be broken. So maybe this is why, maybe you will have 2 little girls that will be able to hold each other up through everything and be the best of friends, whereas maybe that wouldn't happen if it's a boy.
> 
> I was the oldest with a brother a few years behind me, to be honest, we fought all the time :/ I love him to death, always have, but we still don't really get along that well. :(
> 
> Hopefully this helped a little and didn't hurt. :hugs::hugs: Hoping it gets better! <3Click to expand...
> 
> Oh I know it will be amazing to watch her to grow up with a sister someone that will be by her side forever. They will hopefully grow to be best friends for ever. I always wanted a sister when I was younger but I got 2 brothers 1 older and 1 younger and we fought like cat and dog. We all hated each other growing up and ain't very close now so I know having a girl will be great for my daughter. I just can't shake this feeling that I'm missing out on a completely new adventure having a son :( xxxClick to expand...
> 
> I'm sure it is tough, I'm sorry :( Wish there was something I could do to help! :hugs:
> Maybe somehow it'll be in life's plans to have a 3rd, and that will be your team blue :) :hugs::flower:Click to expand...

You never know what is around the corner in life but I doubt we will be having a third. I don't want anymore 2 is my limit and my OH Defo doesn't want anymore after this one. We couldn't afford more than 2 and Defo don't have the space for anymore after this one. Thank you for your kind words though :) xxx


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## kittylady

I felt that I never wanted a 3rd but we had a surprise. We've took a hit financially as we've had to get a bigger car and we no longer have a baby seat. But now we are getting used to the idea. It can happen, we can't always predict.


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## VickyLou

kittylady said:


> I felt that I never wanted a 3rd but we had a surprise. We've took a hit financially as we've had to get a bigger car and we no longer have a baby seat. But now we are getting used to the idea. It can happen, we can't always predict.

Won't be happening for us as I'm considering asking for tubes to be done if I'm told I need to have another csection. Also my other half was adamant about getting the snip after our daughter but I wouldn't let him, he will Defo be doing it after this one. Plus I also don't feel like I want more than 2 children. Xx


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## VickyLou

Today we had it confirmed baby is Defo a SHE! We announced it to family and friends and on Facebook in the hope it would help me connect. Surprising it has, maybe cause of the lack of comments I got from family. A lot of predictions were boy so some of them are pretty upset that it's a girl, a lot of the comments were 'at least you won't have to buy anything new' no congratulation Vicky or congrats to my daughter on becoming a sister. The reactions have upset me more than finding out its another girl. So you know what, they all might be upset with the news but this is my girl, she's part of me, she's perfectly healthy so I should be thankful regardless of gender. 

Thank you ladies for your support and advice. It's meant a lot to know there are people here that understand :) xxx


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## Misscalais

:hugs: congratulations hun. I know its not what you wanted but i promise she will be amazing.


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## VickyLou

Misscalais said:


> :hugs: congratulations hun. I know its not what you wanted but i promise she will be amazing.

Thanks huni. I'm getting used to the idea and getting quite excited now :) xx


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