# Is this a normal feeling? Why wont I let myself be excited?



## JasminRice

I wouldn't consider myself a negative person, as I am always trying to find the positive in every situation. I do consider myself a practical person, often saying " I don't want to be negative, but I do want to be prepared for the worst" 
and ever since I found out that we were expecting I seem to have developed/amplified an emotional (or mental) problem. 

I cannot accept being pregnant. I mean everything so far is going great! first ultrasound at 8 weeks showed a healthy heartbeat, Dr. said he was happy with the progress. However, for some reason I go through each day and week (I'm currently at 11+4) with the idea that I shouldn't get excited, something is going to happen and I'm going to miscarry. 

I have NO reason to feel this way.. My pregnancy (knock on wood) is pretty textbook thus far. So why can't I get my head wrapped around this and be happy and look towards the future???? How do I change my mental thinking? Has anyone else gone through this?


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## snickersbar

Just jumped over from my post.

I think this is natural... 

For those of us who planned the pregnancy, or were even just overjoyed if it was a surprise, it's hard when you want something so much to know that it could be taken away, and that unfortunately to a great extent we don't have the control over it. People deal with it in different ways, but it sounds like you are trying very hard emotionally to protect yourself until you know that it will be ok, and you may feel like this to some extent until you actually have your beautiful baby in your arms!

I can't tell you how to change your thinking but I know that I am trying to take every day as it comes and feeling very grateful each day I get through (I know you wouldn't know it from my crazy post on the other board!).

Maybe try spending some time each day lying down (with some relaxing music?) and with your hands on your abdomen visualise the baby and your family life together. If you allow yourself to picture it, it may help get you more excited. But if it doesn't don't worry, when the baby arrives I think you will have enough excitement!

Sorry for long post...
xx


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## Loosgroovmom

Jasmin, I'm 18 weeks and this was unplanned and a bit of a surprise. When I first found out (early, I took a test at 5 weeks) I was devastated. Cried for about a month straight I think. Then I spent about a month worrying why I was so detached and unexcited and un "mom-like". What helped me a lot was going online and reading stories about other pregnant women that felt the same way. I never posted on any boards, but I read a LOT of them. Women who were so emotionally frightened they couldn't even bring themselves to call the baby anything but "it". Women who were afraid and depressed and apathetic. I landed somewhere in the middle. But all of the stories ended up with the moms getting excited. Some when they felt movement, some when the gave birth, some after an ultrasound, whatever. So I just kept taking my prenatal vitamins, and trying to eat healthy and basically hoping it would pass..

You know what did it for me? (And I never thought anything would at some points) it was a combination of hearing the heartbeat and believe it or not, making a registry. I just went online and started picking stuff out for my little one. I didn't publish the registry or anything, I still haven't told anyone about it really except my husband.. Somehow it made it real. I dunno. And now I'm still not all bubbly goo goo butterflies and unicorns, (because I'm not really that way anyway) , but I can't stop reading books and websites and planning, and I'm actually gosh darned it, a little excited. 

Wow, that was basically a long winded way of saying congratulations and try not to worry :) ;)


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## Nikko88

I'm oscillating between excitement and not believing it's actually going to happen. It's so early (5 weeks today) and I have no flashing lights symptoms. I probably won't believe it until I see the first scan.

In the meantime, I think I'm going to write a letter to the little bean that might be. 

I think the lack of excitement is a normal defense mechanism in case of loss. It's hard not to be worried knowing there is a chance of loss. In my case, I'm afraid of a blighted ovum simply because there is no way to know if that's happening until the first scan.


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## 44npregnant

I'm starting my 35th week and it took me probably 6 months before I accepted that everything was going okay. You hear so many horror stories from expectant Mothers, young or old, that it's hard to relax. I figured since I was 44 that I was going to have all kinds of problems. So far, everything has come out normal. Every test was okay. And I'm finally able to exhale a little bit and *try *to wrap my mind around the fact I am going to be a mom. good luck in your pregnancy! :hugs:


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## vermeil

I felt the same way. I was 41 with this pregnancy. my first pregnancy 3 years ago ended with a micro preemie with low survival odds (hes fine thank the heavens). This one was a first try ivf success. The success odds were low so it's like i didnt allow myself to believe it had worked. Up until the birth every day i convinced myself something was wrong :dohh:

Even now my daughter is 9weeks old, a super easy baby and i love her obviously yet i dont feel attached yet. I think its like PTSD from the traumatic first birth.

This is very common and unfortunately not discussed much :hugs: it will pass just give it time


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