# Birth Partners - Who did you have



## jessrabbit

Just wondering who you all had as birth partners? FOB isnt interested

TBH I cant think of anyone I actually want in there with me, but everyone keeps telling me I wont be able to do it on my own. I am kinda thinking well I have to do everything else on my own, so how is this any different?


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## jessrabbit

Or who are you going to have???


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## moomin_troll

im having my mum and a doula with me. 

i think its important to have someone with u as it can be so scary giving birth, u could talk to ur mw and see if u can get a student mw to be with u and well be ur birthing partner on the day


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## charbaby

my 1st i had my nan and partner, 2nd i had my partner, nan, step mum, and auntie lol. When i finally get pregnant with my 3rd im planning on having my partner and best friend with me. i dont think you should go through it alone, i wudnt have liked to. best of luck xx

p.s if anyone was wondering why i never had my mum, she sadley passed away when i was a young child :'( xx


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## moomin_troll

i dont mean this to sound rude charbaby as i agree with u its important to have someone with u but no its use to a single parent telling them ur planning on having ur OH with u


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## jessrabbit

Just cant think of anyone I want, if am was going to have someone would probably want someone I know, but moved halfway across the country a few years back and dont have any close friends up here. Not practical to have any of my old friends because of the distance. Just not comfortable having my mum, we rub each other up the wrong way and think I would find it too stressful having her with me. Has anyone on here done it on their own?? Do you wish you hadnt?


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## charbaby

moomin_troll said:


> i dont mean this to sound rude charbaby as i agree with u its important to have someone with u but no its use to a single parent telling them ur planning on having ur OH with u

im sorry if my comment upset you but the question asked who did u have so i was simply answering the question. :dohh:

Jessrabbit i hope you find someone you feel comfortable with and have a happy pleasent labour xx


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## moomin_troll

me and my mum dont get on but after giving birth once (when my oh was here) was hard enough and it can be along time to be on ur own.

ofcourse its possible to do it on ur own but ule find the mws at the hospital will leave u alone for most of it, so ule have hours alone and in pain. 

there is one girl on here who is thinking about giving birth alone, but everyone also suggested to her why not ask if u can get a student mw to be with u


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## moomin_troll

charbaby said:


> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> i dont mean this to sound rude charbaby as i agree with u its important to have someone with u but no its use to a single parent telling them ur planning on having ur OH with u
> 
> im sorry if my comment upset you but the question asked who did u have so i was simply answering the question. :dohh:
> 
> Jessrabbit i hope you find someone you feel comfortable with and have a happy pleasent labour xxClick to expand...

and its posted in the single parent section


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## whoops

I had my mum - was very glad in the end because she's been through labour and birth so many times, she knew what to expect which kept me calm. It also kind of stopped me from playing up the pain, iykwim, because she'd done it herself - I took it more in my stride than I might have if my birth partner hadn't given birth before.

I wouldn't rule your mum out - you might find that you get on better as your pregnancy progresses because you'll have more in common. There is something about having children which changes your relationship to other mothers.


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## charbaby

moomin_troll said:


> charbaby said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> i dont mean this to sound rude charbaby as i agree with u its important to have someone with u but no its use to a single parent telling them ur planning on having ur OH with u
> 
> im sorry if my comment upset you but the question asked who did u have so i was simply answering the question. :dohh:
> 
> Jessrabbit i hope you find someone you feel comfortable with and have a happy pleasent labour xxClick to expand...
> 
> and its posted in the single parent sectionClick to expand...

i didnt even realise that as i just seen it on unread posts, but like i said im sorry if it affended her,


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## jessrabbit

Dont worry not offended, just been having my lunch! x


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## Ginger84

I had my mum, i dont think i would have liked to have been on my own

x


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## lou_w34

I had my mum.

While i was pregnant i didnt really want her there, id have just rather did it on my own. But i didnt have the heart to say no to her.

Anyways when i was in labour i was so glad i did! Id have been happy with a stranger off the street so long as i was not alone! lol Obviously you have to do what you are comfortable with, but for me personally, i was quite scared, and it calmed me down a bit having my mum there!

x


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## KNWilson

I plan on having my best friend, the baby's father's mom and sister, and my grandmother present for the birth.


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## jocelynmarie

Do you have a close friend that has been through it?

My birth partner is my best friend. She has been through it before and is a very strong person. I didn't want someone that would say "there, there, its ok" and pat me on the head. When I'm pushing a baby out of my vagina... its not ok!! lol

I would actually love for my mom to be there, but she has a crazy job (her and my dad drive truck together) so its not likely she'll actually be home for the event.

I have never gone through labor and delivery before, but I can't imagine doing it alone. I'd try to think of someone you trust above all others and ask them to be there. You're going to want the support!


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## TiredNurse27

probably having my best mate and/or FOB if I feel I can handle him there. We'll see


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## xSophieBx

I split with FOB when 7 months pregnant... I agreed to him being at the birth(I wouldn't have if I'd seen into the future and seen wot would of happened once she was here) & my mum... That was actually my most terrifying thing when I moved back home at 7months pregnant.. I'm so close to my mum but she can irritating sometimes & I thought she'd annoy me & reeeeeeeeeally didn't want her there... But she was fantastic.. & If I ever have more children I want her there 100% even if I have an OH. I seriously think u should consider ur mum... I agree with the others, I think u should def have someone. xx


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## teal

I had my mum and my best friend with me :flower: xx


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## Stepie1234

With my first child i was at my brother and sister-in-law's house and ended up having my daughter there 2 days early no one but me and my sister-in-law and midwife got there righrt before i was ready to push(thank god). For my triplets i'm going to have soon i'll only have my best friend and my midwife. And i very much agree with everyone else you should have someone


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## babydue2011

I am an expecting single parent and will have my mom there with me. im not comfortable with this labor thing but hey it has to be done so why not have the person who really has seen it all haha and i think it could bring yall closer :) 

goodluck


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## justlove

First time with my daughter I had my mum and then partner, mum was great.

When I had LO now, I took myself to hospital with all my bags for my induction at 7.30am I travelled in style on the bus! lol spent the whole day up until 5pm on my own, FOB came up (first time i had seen him during my pregnancy cos he a twat and i kept him away) stayed for few hrs then he went my waters broke about 9.30ish he came up about 10pm i had baby at 2.15am. To be honest I didn't even notice he was there! he was just a blur that sat in the chair! and next day he strolled up hospital at 5pm when baby was being taken down to Scbu. I had two midwifes stay in the labour room with me throughout never left the room but each hospital is different.

It can be done on you own I believe, I was prepared to do it alone 2nd time around. Its a very personal experience to share with someone else and can be a experience that bond with whomever u share it with (erm except in my case it wasn't with FOB) but I was my lil sis birthing partner 3times. Things you have to consider is if you are going to do it alone is how will you bring baby home (transport) making sure you have everything you need or do have someone you can call in emergency if need be. I had my daughter running things up hospital as my stay was longer than planned (I dont have family living nearby). I would also speak to you midwife and discuss your birth plans and let them know if you intend to do this without a birth partner they usually ask anyway and they may arrange some additional support for you during labour if you require. 

wish you all the best whatever you choose to do.


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## Kacie

I honestly said I was happy to do it on my own but my friend had ha 5 kids and said I couldn't possibly go it alone so she said she'd be my birthing partner. I was still with FOB at the time but he'd made it clear he didn't want to be there. 

Anyway I was glad she was there through the induction as that part was long and boring but I ended up having both of them there for the birth until the end when my friend had to leave so FOb was the only one there (she had to force him not to leave me on my own for the last hour of labour).. as it turns out the two of them were keeping secrets from me about some 'serious flirting' that went back a year or so and I only found out after I split with FOB 6 weeks later. 

Now I really wish I'd stuck to my plans and had no one there as the memories of the birth are so tainted now by the betrayal of both of them. I only needed FOB there to give me a sip of water after every intake of gas and air because it made my mouth so dry... a student midwife could have done that just as well and I' have got a lot more support from them:shrug: and I am also pretty sure that my Birthing Partner will have gone round to all her friends/family telling them every embarrassing detail of birth so I don't think my privacy was particularly respected either.

Do whatever makes you feel comfortable, it's your body and your baby :) xx

Edit; oh but the only reason that I did want someone aroun at the time was I thought I would nee the support if something had gone wrong with LO so maybe think of someone you want on standby for support if there is someone.

xxx


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## jessrabbit

thanks everyone for your comments. At the moment i dont have anyone I trust enough or want to share the experience with. You never know this might change over the next six months. 

Think going to ask to have a student midwife or someone that can be there the whole way through so Im not on my own and have my mum on standby if I need anything or change my mind, she can also help me get home etc afterwards.

Thanks again for all your comments, youre all lovely xx


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## helen0403

my mom had by dad when i was born to them


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## jessrabbit

helen0403 said:


> my mom had by dad when i was born to them

sorry but what do you mean by that??


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## kirst1805

I had my mum with me.

xx


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## AbbynChloe

I had a "good friend" Kinda wish I didn't now. Fob turned up just before LO was born, but he was outside the entire time - he knew I didn't want him in there and he didn't want to be in the room either!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Ju_bubbs

I think I'll be labouring alone this time, OH has just left me and I dont have any close friends, and im not really close with any of my family. It doesn't really worry me too much, my last 2 labours were 20 minutes and 10 minutes long.. even the midwife didn't make it here so chances are even if I had someone I wanted to be here with me... they probably wouldn't make it anyway! lol

I do agree with the other girls tho, for a 'normal' labour, I~ would deffo want someone with me, my first 2 labours were only 6 and 2 hours long, but thats a loooong time to sit alone when you're going through so much! Hope it all works out ok either way :)


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## emalou90

jessrabbit said:


> helen0403 said:
> 
> 
> my mom had by dad when i was born to them
> 
> sorry but what do you mean by that??Click to expand...

i'd also like to know what you mean by this...
this is a supportive forum, not a place for judgement.


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## emalou90

I had FOB at the time but would have preffered my Mum, he was no help and didnt even talk to me x


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## anna matronic

I had my mum with me. I was induced but didn't go into labour so had a section and she was just amazing throughout x

My step dad spent 2 days hanging around in the corridors too :rofl:


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## justlove

emalou90 said:


> jessrabbit said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> helen0403 said:
> 
> 
> my mom had by dad when i was born to them
> 
> sorry but what do you mean by that??Click to expand...
> 
> i'd also like to know what you mean by this...
> this is a supportive forum, not a place for judgement.Click to expand...


random poster posting random things on the forum cos I had a nose at there previous post stats lol


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## rosie272

I had my sister with me and most definitely put her off childbirthfor life :haha:


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## whoops

rosie272 said:


> I had my sister with me and most definitely put her off childbirthfor life :haha:

Brave sister! Mine couldn't even listen to my labour story! :haha:


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## lilgemsy

I had my mum and my cousin.

Have someone whos close to you and understands you. Believe me when the time comes you wont want to do it alone!


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## mummy2be123

I had my mum & fob .... If i got pregnant again id just have me and fob there :) x


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## jessrabbit

lilgemsy said:


> I had my mum and my cousin.
> 
> Have someone whos close to you and understands you. Believe me when the time comes you wont want to do it alone!

Its hard as my problem is there isnt anyone I'm feel close enough with to want to be there with me.

FOB has decided to do a complete runner on Tuesday. So definately not going to be him now. Really do think I am going to do it alone.


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## xJG30

I had my mum with me. She was my Rock :cloud9:


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## jessrabbit

just started thinking about this post again as I know it is only a matter of time until the midwife starts getting me to write my birth plan.

Anyone else on here currently pregnant who is thinking about going it alone.

I have thought about it alot over the last six months and I really just dont want anyone else in there with me. 

Loads of people think I'm crazy and I will change my mind when the time comes, but I honestly dont think I will.


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## lily2011

Hey Jess,

I was in your exact same predicament for quite some time. On 9/26 I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, and I did it completely alone. I had come to settle on having my father in with me, after everyone told me I was crazy and would change my mind. But when the time came, I was completely fine and ready to do it. I had done my entire pregnancy alone and somehow mustered the strength to get through it, so I thought, why have someone else at the finale?

To be honest, between the 2 nurses holding my knees back and the doctor screaming at me to push (and the 2 hours I spent pushing) I was too exhausted and in the moment to even care that nobody was around! And then I wasn't alone at all, I had my little pumpkin :happydance:

Just wanted to let you know - go with your heart. If you feel comfortable alone, do it!


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## jessrabbit

I feel exactly the same as you did, not going to let anyone keep pressuring me now and stick to my guns, thank you xxxx


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## cluelessnow

jessrabbit said:


> I feel exactly the same as you did, not going to let anyone keep pressuring me now and stick to my guns, thank you xxxx

I think it's brave of you if you do decide to do it alone. I've asked my sister to be there for me. FOB wants to be there (last time we spoke about it) but he's coming all the way from Canada so I'm not counting on him getting the timing right. 

Good luck whatever you decide to do.:hugs:


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## lily2011

Don't get me wrong...if there was ANYBODY I was super close with, believe me, I would've asked in a heartbeat to stay near me. But there is just nobody right now in my life that I feel that way about so basically for me it came down to...do I want just someone I'm kind of close with in there for the biggest moment of my life, or is it better to just do it alone?


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## jessrabbit

lily2011 said:


> Don't get me wrong...if there was ANYBODY I was super close with, believe me, I would've asked in a heartbeat to stay near me. But there is just nobody right now in my life that I feel that way about so basically for me it came down to...do I want just someone I'm kind of close with in there for the biggest moment of my life, or is it better to just do it alone?

I agree if there was anyone I was close enough to I would, but there really isnt and I dont want to share it with someone that isnt close and ultimately, probably wont be around in the future.

It makes me sad but its just the way it is, think I would find it much more stressful to have someone I wasnt 100% comfortable with there with me :-( xx


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## Chelsea.ann1

I had my mom and sister..

You should definitely have somebody in there with you.. 
At least I know I would have felt very isolated if I didn't have them with me.. Which isn't something I'd like to feel while birthing my child..


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## babybaillie

As someone whos had there oh with them for last 2 births. I would be happy to go it alone. Ive never been alone without a mw anyway and find they are more helpful than anyone else. men can get in the way. But if i had no one else which might happen this time if we cant get a babysitter for our other 2 it wouldnt bother me to do it alone. as long as u have a nice mw and get on well you will be fine


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## Mally01

I'm going to have my Mum with me and to be perfectly honest I may have even gone with that choice even if I had a partner as my Mum knows how to reassure me and calm me and she has had kids herself obviously. No offence to Mum's with partners but apart from letting the guy see his kid being born, I don't see how they can be as supportive and understanding as another female with you. Just my opinion. If I didn't have my Mum I would just do it alone or maybe ask my sister-in-law, I wouldn't ask my Dad or Brother at all.


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## Novbaby08

My mom, sister and doula. I wouldn't want my fob, and I didn't give my daughters sperm donor the option. I don't want an ex bf in the room with me. lol my mom is my birthing partner again though, she was last time too


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## dustbunny

My sister has become very supportive and everything the dad should have been [sounds odd but I don't mean that in a creepy way!]. I'll be thrilled to have her in with me when the time arrives!


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## abernathie

I had my mum.

I went into labour at 37 weeks and Mollie was breech. The hospital was amazing, they monitored me until my mum got there. It was 11pm at night, she was in bed and had to make a 150 mile trip!

We had a relaxed c-section with an amazing surgeon. I am so glad she was there. Couldn't have done it without her :)


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## Scarletvixen

Im having no one with me, have just split with my husband of 14years cause he has other priorites in life so its just me on my own this time x


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## Julymom2be

My mother and FOB were with me. I couldn't of done it without my mom.


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## amotherslove

my mother and sister will be there.. i have also got a few close friends who are fighting to be in there, but theyre gonna have to wait outside


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## QuintinsMommy

my mom, then me and quin spent our 1st night in the hospital alone which was awful because i had a very mean nurse :(


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## Laura2919

I would want someone with me. Maybe my mum. I was with FOB when I had the twins but I dont know if I could do it all alone.


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