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## sweetlullaby

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## lou_w34

What im planning on doing is going into labour and having Scarlett, then seeing how long the hospital plan on keeping me in for. If they are only keeping me in for the 6 hours, then i am going to tell him when i get home. If they are keeping me in for a day or two, then im going to call him while i am there, but i dont want him comming to the hospital. I want that time between me and Scarlett. I feel that i have been the one to carry her for 40 weeks and done everything i possibley can for her, that i deserve to have some time just me and the baby.

However i also no that he will not rush down anyways, he doesnt drive and he wont bother to get the train. 

I know some people may not agree with me not telling him as soon as i go into labour, but he hasnt exactly made this pregnancy stress free for me, so i at least want to able to have the best labour that i possibley can, and that will only happen without him being there.

Hope that helps :flower:


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## purpledahlia

Im going to text him when im in labour, not early labour, once im at the hospital. And i doubt he will come up, then ill possibly call him with details of weight etc, or text and send a picture. Then turn my phone off untill im ready to arrange for him to come up. thats assuming she turns and isnt breech! 

If its a c section, ill get all the details and dates, ill tell him when it is, where he can find a BnB and when he can stay till - basically he can visit during visiting hours but once i go home, then he should too. hes not coming to our house. and then in jan he can come up once were more settled etc, he can also bloody well provide something for her, or hes limiting himself. not having ot anymore, no more part time. he wants to seee her? he has to provide. cant have only the fun parts,


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## xJG30

We text Tom's dad and said I was in labour but not to come anywhere near us.. I had high bp and knew if he came up, it'd pretty much kill me.

Sent him another text when Tom was born and again he wouldn't come up so told them to come the following weekend and they gave us no choice. I kept out the way though :lol:


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## woadie

I don't intend to make any contact at all. I doubt he would be interested in any case. I don't know if that makes me lucky or not really, but ultimately its not about me, its about LO, and so far he/she's not had much luck with people.


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## sarah0108

i was wondering the same about this baby too hun, im not sure what to do about scans and stuff either. i might just text him saying the scans on this day at this time, if you wanna come then meet me here blah blah but im not sure about the birth .. i suppose ill have to see how my labour pans out etc x


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## louise85

I have no idea as of yet, I'm only 8 weeks so just gonna see how things plan out. Ideally I would like FOB to be there but if he shows no interest in the next few months or doesn't do anything for LO then I'm not so sure!! :shrug:


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## suzanne108

Right I'll tell you what my plan is : 

I'm not gonna tell him when I go into labour as I could be at home hours with contractions and I don't want him rearing his ugly head! I'm gonna text him when I'm on my way to the hospital, I've told him that he can be at the hospital but not in the room. 

Also I've told him that he'll be a visitor, I don't want to see him straight away. So he'll be able to see me when I've moved to the ward and its time for visitors. And I've told him that he has to fit in with other people visiting! 

I did try to put him off because I'd rather not see him til I'm a bit more settled but I don't feel like I can stop him to be honest! 

I have told him that I want his family to wait until I'm home, nearer the time I will probably say I don't want them coming until I've been home a week or so. I don't exactly get on with his mum so there is no way I want her coming round the day after I've given birth!


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## staycutee

i'm not going to contact him at all. he hasnt bothered to respond to any other things iev told him like scans, due date and sex of the baby so the way i see it he has no right to know when his son is here


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## imaginary8x

I plan on not telling him. If he wants to know what is going on he can contact me now, I'm not running after him like I have been. :/ I always seem to get let down...


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## woadie

Too many of us have been let down... I'm sick of being mentally punished for it and refuse to be the victim. It's MY body, MY child, MY life, MY heart and MY decision. 

Labour for one please :D 

Phukem!

Imaginary, you must be due near me, my DD is 16/04.... heres the laugh, its FOBs birthday.... ha!


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## Perdita

I don't know what to do, FOB says he wants to be there and was thinking about it but he's said he'll be there for other things and then got a text saying he can't make it, I'd rather plan to be alone or find someone else to be there than take the chance of relying on him. Considered just telling him to stay away and I'll let him know when I'm home and he can come round then but would that sound bitchy? He's told everyone about the baby now and it's all over his facebook and people are leaving comments about him being a great dad and how happy they are for him - but with him it's like I don't exist and he's waiting for delivery of a new toy he can show off then put away till next time he wants to play daddy. Maybe I'm too tired and over-emotional to decide right now and should leave it till nearer the time though with only 6 weeks to go there's not much time left to decide!


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## starbucks101

I told Em's dad a few weeks after i had her via email, once we were home and settled and happy...


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## lou_w34

starbucks101 said:


> I told Em's dad a few weeks after i had her via email, once we were home and settled and happy...

Did he react well to that? Im not judging :hugs: its just i was hoping to have time to myself with Scarlett, like you i want to get settled with her, i think id only need a week before i feel strong enough to see him. But i dont want him charging down making demands. I dont think he will anyways as he hasnt bothered so far... But did your lo's dad take it ok??

thankyous :flower:


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## Ash_P

Ok heres my plan.

My sister is my birthing partner, so she is going to ring ex when I go into labour. His mum (who I am still very close to) has suggested that he drive us to the hospital, as my sister doesnt drive, but I will deal with that decision nearer the time.
Ex knows that he is not getting into the room when Im in labour, but he can wait in the waiting room until LO comes along. He could be in for a long wait. To be honest I cant really see him sitting that long doing nothing, he gets bored to easily, but Il not give a shit il have more important things to worry about.

He can see LO when its born but he is not staying all the time it suits him. I will need my rest.

Under no circumstances are his fathers side of the family to come anywhere near the hospital, or even my house for that matter. They have disowned this child, stood by my ex, and more or less said its "ok to walk away from ur pregnant wife for someone else" They have said that LO is my baby and nothing to do with them, so they can go and f*ck themselves. They will only see LO if my ex takes it to them but thats it. My sister has been giving strict orders not to let them anywhere near me. 

I think im being quite decent informing him, considering his lack of interest and concern during the pregnancy. My sister when she had her son, didnt let FOB know she was in labour, and rang him the next day from hospital and said, " i went into labour last nite, u have a son, hes called Jack, gotta go" they got back together about 4 months later and to this day he says its the biggest regret of his life. Serves them all rite.


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## lou_w34

Ash_P said:


> Ok heres my plan.
> 
> My sister is my birthing partner, so she is going to ring ex when I go into labour. His mum (who I am still very close to) has suggested that he drive us to the hospital, as my sister doesnt drive, but I will deal with that decision nearer the time.
> Ex knows that he is not getting into the room when Im in labour, but he can wait in the waiting room until LO comes along. He could be in for a long wait. To be honest I cant really see him sitting that long doing nothing, he gets bored to easily, but Il not give a shit il have more important things to worry about.
> 
> He can see LO when its born but he is not staying all the time it suits him. I will need my rest.
> 
> Under no circumstances are his fathers side of the family to come anywhere near the hospital, or even my house for that matter. They have disowned this child, stood by my ex, and more or less said its "ok to walk away from ur pregnant wife for someone else" They have said that LO is my baby and nothing to do with them, so they can go and f*ck themselves. They will only see LO if my ex takes it to them but thats it. My sister has been giving strict orders not to let them anywhere near me.
> 
> I think im being quite decent informing him, considering his lack of interest and concern during the pregnancy. My sister when she had her son, didnt let FOB know she was in labour, and rang him the next day from hospital and said, " i went into labour last nite, u have a son, hes called Jack, gotta go" they got back together about 4 months later and to this day he says its the biggest regret of his life. Serves them all rite.

I think your being very decent :flower:
Makes me feel like im making the wrong decision :dohh: But your sister doing it aswell makes me feel a tad better :)

I dont no why i feel so bad about it? :shrug: I mean he has done sod all for bubs, why does he deserve this more than i do? He hasent even spoke about the birth, he's just pretending its not happening half the time.:nope:


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## starbucks101

lou_w34 said:


> starbucks101 said:
> 
> 
> I told Em's dad a few weeks after i had her via email, once we were home and settled and happy...
> 
> Did he react well to that? Im not judging :hugs: its just i was hoping to have time to myself with Scarlett, like you i want to get settled with her, i think id only need a week before i feel strong enough to see him. But i dont want him charging down making demands. I dont think he will anyways as he hasnt bothered so far... But did your lo's dad take it ok??
> 
> thankyous :flower:Click to expand...

Yer, he wasnt really bothered to be honest. but then he doesnt give a monkies anyway! I only told him for Em's sake in the future. 

The email I got back was along the line of "oh thanks for letting me know, i was wondering..." 

Short and blatently obvious he wasnt interested :)


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## lou_w34

Thats terrible of him!
At least your daughter has you!!

I have a feeling my fob will be the same, at least our babies have us :D


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## sleepinbeauty

You know what ladies? If they can't be bothered to show up for scans and everything, they don't deserve to be there. Attending a birth is a privilege for people who give a damn, not a right granted to the scum of the earth.

You guys are great and I know you will all do wonderfully in birth and motherhood. <3


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## teal

My situation is a bit different since my ex doesn't want anything to do with the baby. I don't have any real way to contact him other than an email but I was planning on doing that once I've had the baby and I'm settled.


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## imaginary8x

woadie said:


> Too many of us have been let down... I'm sick of being mentally punished for it and refuse to be the victim. It's MY body, MY child, MY life, MY heart and MY decision.
> 
> Labour for one please :D
> 
> Phukem!
> 
> Imaginary, you must be due near me, my DD is 16/04.... heres the laugh, its FOBs birthday.... ha!


Yup, I'm due on the 13/04... you say that, the FOBs birthday for mine is on the 21/04:haha:


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## woadie

lol... okay... I'll race ya!!! Only three days in it ;) :D


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## sweetlullaby

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## lou_w34

I dont want FOB near us for a week at least either... and even though i feel bitchy about it, i know its what i want, cant help how i feel heehee :haha: Then again, he wont come down straight away as he has no balls and is afraid of my parents lol

If they just told us what they wanted to begin with, instead of just buggering off, and swanning back in when they feel like it then we wouldnt feel so confused.

I think even though i have a (very small) feeling of guilt about not wanting him there, i know i will not be telling him until i have had her, for all the reasons you have said, i just dont want him turning up and making un-necessary demands while im in labour. 

It may sound selfish, but for once im gunna think about myself, and not him, im gunna do what i want and thats it :)


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## starbucks101

lou_w34 said:


> Thats terrible of him!
> At least your daughter has you!!
> 
> I have a feeling my fob will be the same, at least our babies have us :D

Definatly Lou. And to the rest of you I was 19 when I had my Toddler out of a rubbish relationship huge police case took up most of my pregnancy and I was a wreck, but you manage and everyday you get a little bit stronger.

To date, I have an amazing beautiful and very bright little girl, my own home, car and a well paid job I got myself out of most of my debt on benefits through budgeting well, I was living in a complete dive to start with no heating, single glazed windows horrible neighbours. I know have a goregous 3 bed rented house with a little garden in a great area, I open our front door and that park is 15 metres away. 

I have a new partner who adores me and Em, who she calls Daddy and we have a baby of our own on the way. 


Ive really struggled and fought to get here, called social services on myself begging them to take emily to someone who could look after her better, been on anti-dpressents, half heartedly tried to commit suicide and then realised that no1 would find my daughter for days so snapped out of it. I've been at real rock bottom. 

And her "father" was never ever there, and i'm glad because I wouldnt be as strong and capable as I am now had he have been there and My daughter wouldnt be the incredable little girl she is today. 

It does take time but you do come out fighting fit in the end, Its completley worth every bad day ive had when she gives me a kiss and goes into nursery! 

My only fear now is how and when do we tell her that OH isnt her real father. But thats something me and OH are discussing at the moment. 

Single mums are amazing, and you'll all do fabby dabby jobs with or without them being around!! xxx


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## lou_w34

You sound amazing, and so strong! Well done to you for getting yourself out of that :hugs:

I live with my parents at the moment, but i no i cant stay here forever, and its my worst fear that im gunna be stuck on benefits, or a really shitty job and living in hell hole for the rest of my life.

But reading that has made me feel a lot better about it, even if i have to go back to college and retrain im sure it will all work out fine :)


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## Welshcob

woadie said:


> Too many of us have been let down... I'm sick of being mentally punished for it and refuse to be the victim. It's MY body, MY child, MY life, MY heart and MY decision.
> 
> Labour for one please :D
> 
> Phukem!
> 
> Imaginary, you must be due near me, my DD is 16/04.... heres the laugh, its FOBs birthday.... ha!

:hugs: Well said Woadie!! But you also made me laugh when you said LO is due on his birthday!!!! He won't forget his baby then will he???


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## sweetlullaby

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## Welshcob

starbucks101 said:


> lou_w34 said:
> 
> 
> Thats terrible of him!
> At least your daughter has you!!
> 
> I have a feeling my fob will be the same, at least our babies have us :D
> 
> Definatly Lou. And to the rest of you I was 19 when I had my Toddler out of a rubbish relationship huge police case took up most of my pregnancy and I was a wreck, but you manage and everyday you get a little bit stronger.
> 
> To date, I have an amazing beautiful and very bright little girl, my own home, car and a well paid job I got myself out of most of my debt on benefits through budgeting well, I was living in a complete dive to start with no heating, single glazed windows horrible neighbours. I know have a goregous 3 bed rented house with a little garden in a great area, I open our front door and that park is 15 metres away.
> 
> I have a new partner who adores me and Em, who she calls Daddy and we have a baby of our own on the way.
> 
> 
> Ive really struggled and fought to get here, called social services on myself begging them to take emily to someone who could look after her better, been on anti-dpressents, half heartedly tried to commit suicide and then realised that no1 would find my daughter for days so snapped out of it. I've been at real rock bottom.
> 
> And her "father" was never ever there, and i'm glad because I wouldnt be as strong and capable as I am now had he have been there and My daughter wouldnt be the incredable little girl she is today.
> 
> It does take time but you do come out fighting fit in the end, Its completley worth every bad day ive had when she gives me a kiss and goes into nursery!
> 
> My only fear now is how and when do we tell her that OH isnt her real father. But thats something me and OH are discussing at the moment.
> 
> Single mums are amazing, and you'll all do fabby dabby jobs with or without them being around!! xxxClick to expand...

What an awesome message!!! You are an inspiration!!!! :hugs:


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## Welshcob

I have to say, I am glad that this question has come up as I am still stuck in this quandry of trying to be reasonable. As you know FOB stopped speaking to me pretty much as soon as we got pregnant. He then took me to court to advise that I may not contact him at all. Thereby, my logic would indicate that he wants nothing to do with baby or me. But I still sit here thinking....should I tell him that LO is on its way when its on its way? At the end of the day he can contact me if he wants to ask. But I think his aim was to threaten and intimidate me to such an extent that I go away and stay away. But I still sit here and wonder if I should at least tell him when in labour. Two reasons really. 1. Because I think he ought at least once think about this life he willingly created and has discarded like a piece of rubbish. 2. Should I not at least tell him? 
Or is it enough just to say to contact me if he wants to know anything - he can after all!
Email or home phone.


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## teal

Welshcob - My situation with my ex isn't as threatening as yours was but I know the feeling about not being too sure what to do. I'm considering sending an email once I've had the baby because that is the last thing I can really do. Other times I think maybe I should just leave it and let him contact me. 

:hugs: xx


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## sweetlullaby

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## teal

sweetlullaby said:


> Welshcob, hmmmm im thinking once your LO is here if he hasnt contacted you at all then if you have his email address send him an email saying that LO is born type thing and then you can honestly say you've done everything you can and your LO wont throw it in your face years down the line saying "you didnt even tell FOB i was born" or something like that.
> 
> And it throws the ball back into his courtyard as in you've informed him its up to him then to either reply, visit LO, or just ignore it or even send an email back saying thanks for telling me but i dont want to be involved type thing because then at least you'd know!
> 
> Sorry if it doesnt make much sense, im rubbish at explaining/ suggesting things lol (sounds good in my head but not when i've typed it!) xx

That was my reasoning for wanting to send an email because then I'll know it's the last thing I can do and if I still don't hear back from FOB then it's well and truly out of my hands. 

xx


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## DizzyMoo

Defo not informing him or any of his family, He stopped speaking to me just before my 20wk scan & has never once asked how baby is, or i am if things are ok, do we need anything or does baby need anything etc. Never asked about scans but yet said baby was going to be a *******, & that it wasn't his. I kept in touch at 1st with him & his mum but neither were bothered so i stopped texting, they never bothered since. So don't see why i should volunteer info about baby if they dont even have the decency to ask me. 
I kinda expecting some sort of contact from his mum nearer due date to ask but i dont think he will. they know im due end of nov but baby will be 10 days old by then & i know they'll bitch at me for not telling them but fuck em, why should i ? Might make them think in future.


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