# how did you decide to ttc or not ttc again?



## gnomette

i lost my son at 20weeks on the 1st of may an had to have a d&c yesterday to remove some placenta that had not come away an the consultant had not been the right one so i have no test results back yet i did not have a post mortem done but had tests done on his placenta an cord an a load of blood tests done on me to see what else they could find even though his cord was wrapped round his neck 3times an apparently it was tight (i asked it to be removed before i saw him) but i have spoken to my husband about weather to ttc again we always planned on having 3 children an unfortunatly we have 2 in heaven now an 2 with us but we both are really scared an we are still talking bout weather to ttc again i know i/we are not ready to yet but i was just wondering what made you decide weather to ttc again or not? i am sorry to have seen so many people here x sending you all the love an hugs i can xx:hugs:


----------



## TwoRdue

Sorry for your loss.x

I lost my twins in March at 18weeks, I now have 4 angels and no children (first two were ectopics) I am still waiting to here back from the doctors with the results of what happened and to get a clearance and as soon as that comes through I will be going straight back to IVF as its the one thought that keeps me going, I know it is going to be hard the thought of having a baby keeps me going.. My OH is happy to do what ever I feel is right but he said if it happens again he is not sure he would want us to go through it again as he said it was so hard to watch me have to give birth to our babys and not be able to take them home.
Do what makes you feel right, as much as you want three children dont push your self until you are sure about what you really want.x


----------



## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I am so deeply sorry for all your losses. I lost my Ava at 20 weeks and we buried her on 3/11/2011. I already had 3 boys 20, 18 and 11 and at 40 I got pregnant by total accident . I lost her and it has taken me a long time to come to terms with her loss. My SIL also has 3 boys and when she found out I was pregnant she got pregnant 8 weeks later. Sadly she lost her baby 7 weeks after I lost Ava. She now is pregnant again ( 18 weeks) and seeing her is really hard on me but she is 37 almost 38 and I just turned 42 Tuesday so it is a big difference in age/ I am to scared to try again and being 42 is also a big part of it. If I was my SIL's age then I would have definitely tried again. I know if she has a girl it will hurt me so much, but I have no choice but to deal with it. It has been such a hard year I just pray things get better for me and for all of us.
Like I said the fear of this happening again and my age is what stops me. But if I was a bit younger I for sure would try again. It is an individual choice only you can make. I wish you all the best and again i am so sorry :hugs::hugs:


----------



## DueSeptember

*After my Loss I wanted to Try again right away but the more I thought about it the more I realized I wasnt ready...a year later I am so ready but still think about what if ive been thinking about a lot but all I can think about is being a Mom...my fiance wants to try this Sept but we shall see...you will know when you are ready*


----------



## secretbaby

After I lost my son (pprom at 20.6 weeks - born 27.1 weeks, lived 4 hours) i met a friend who had a 22 week loss - she said she just knew she had to have another baby, she suddenly realized one day that she could not go through another christmas not being pregnant.... it was similar for me. 

We knew that our PPROM was no known cause so there was no medical reason not to ttc. I had a ovarian cyst and had a fallopian tube removed after my loss - I was 35 and my hubby was about 38 so I really felt a time pressure. Two of my friends from SANDS got pregnant and I was so happy for them but so sad it wasn't us.. I knew i had to have one last try (and it was our last try) a year after we lost Billy I got pregnant - it was hard, i got through by posting on here, SANDS and by taking things one day at a time. I had a very complicated pregnancy (ironically very different problems to the ones I had with Billly) I did have my rainbow baby in 2011. 

I don't know if that answers your question but that is just how i felt. I know its so hard to even think about ttc after loss :hugs:


----------



## kiki04

I lost my daughter May 26 2011. It is now over a year later and I am not yet pg. I have been trying but my cycles went haywire so I wasnt conceiving. My cycles have now been fixed *I hope* and I am waiting to ovulate this cycle around July 28. That being said. I am terrified! I want to try as hard as I possibly can but part of me wants to chicken out so bad and avoid instead of try. This is OVER a year later and I am still terrified. I am 30 yrs old and have 3 children here and one in heaven. I want another sooo badly, but I am so so so scared to see those two pink lines :( I dont even know what to tell you or have advice to offer you just wanted to let you know that it is scary no matter what point you are at. <3


----------



## nicksi27

I started properly TTC last month after we lost our DS in february due to the placenta failing. We were told to wait until we had the results of our investigations (which were all normal). We have a plan in place for next time (more scans etc/appts/baby aspirin etc) but i still know it will be 9 months of pure hell. At the same time not TTC is not an option because i know i will go through whatever tragedy life deals me until i have a baby at home with us.


----------



## Cetarari

I was dead set against trying again, Emmy was our first and it took us almost 5 years to get pregnant with her (IVF in the end). I honestly didn't think I could do it again. The midwife that delivered her heard me making my husband promise to never make me go through it again (not that it was in any way his fault). After Emmy was delivered we held her until she passed and then DH went outside to let our families know. 

If it wasn't for that midwife I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to decide to try again. She said that DH and I were made to be parents, that everything pointed to a placental clot which meant it was just bad luck, our daughter was perfectly healthy for her age, just too early. She told me that after we'd grieved we shouldn't let the fear of what had happened take our dream from us and that she was sure she'd be seeing us under better circumstances, someday down the line.

That was on January 9th this year and 6 weeks later we found out the midwife was spot on. Emmy was perfectly healthy and an undiagnosed placental clot had started a placental separation which caused the prem labour. It took almost 4 months for me to be ready to go back to the IVF clinic to discuss using our frozen embryos, but we went and were given a tentative start date of May 17th (when AF was due) to start our treatment plan. The chances of us doing it naturally were next to zero since both DH and I have fertility issues. The trouble is no one told Sprout! Little did we know that when we went to the consultation the choice was already out of our hands and Sprout was snuggling in.

I got my :bfp: on the 17th of May and have been terrified every day since, but somehow more positive too. We've made a lot more decisions this time around than we did by 23 weeks with Emmy. 

I'm on daily asprin (just incase) and as yet have had no bleeding (I bled from 13 weeks until 23 weeks last time). We've had 2 scans and are having extra scans at 16,20,24 weeks at least to keep an eye on my cervix (just in case, it didn't dilate until I'd been in labour 2 days) and my placenta and a GTT at 28 weeks. I'm also likely to be induced at 38 weeks, again, just in case but we'll discuss that closer to the time. If they do induce me it'll be on January 10th next year, one week and one day after our Emmy angel's birthday. I pray we make it that far and that our little Sprout is being watched over by his or her big sister.


----------



## nicksi27

Cetarari said:


> I was dead set against trying again, Emmy was our first and it took us almost 5 years to get pregnant with her (IVF in the end). I honestly didn't think I could do it again. The midwife that delivered her heard me making my husband promise to never make me go through it again (not that it was in any way his fault). After Emmy was delivered we held her until she passed and then DH went outside to let our families know.
> 
> If it wasn't for that midwife I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to decide to try again. She said that DH and I were made to be parents, that everything pointed to a placental clot which meant it was just bad luck, our daughter was perfectly healthy for her age, just too early. She told me that after we'd grieved we shouldn't let the fear of what had happened take our dream from us and that she was sure she'd be seeing us under better circumstances, someday down the line.
> 
> That was on January 9th this year and 6 weeks later we found out the midwife was spot on. Emmy was perfectly healthy and an undiagnosed placental clot had started a placental separation which caused the prem labour. It took almost 4 months for me to be ready to go back to the IVF clinic to discuss using our frozen embryos, but we went and were given a tentative start date of May 17th (when AF was due) to start our treatment plan. The chances of us doing it naturally were next to zero since both DH and I have fertility issues. The trouble is no one told Sprout! Little did we know that when we went to the consultation the choice was already out of our hands and Sprout was snuggling in.
> 
> I got my :bfp: on the 17th of May and have been terrified every day since, but somehow more positive too. We've made a lot more decisions this time around than we did by 23 weeks with Emmy.
> 
> I'm on daily asprin (just incase) and as yet have had no bleeding (I bled from 13 weeks until 23 weeks last time). We've had 2 scans and are having extra scans at 16,20,24 weeks at least to keep an eye on my cervix (just in case, it didn't dilate until I'd been in labour 2 days) and my placenta and a GTT at 28 weeks. I'm also likely to be induced at 38 weeks, again, just in case but we'll discuss that closer to the time. If they do induce me it'll be on January 10th next year, one week and one day after our Emmy angel's birthday. I pray we make it that far and that our little Sprout is being watched over by his or her big sister.

Im so sorry for your loss - losing Emmy when you had been TTC for 5 years must is utterly heartbreaking. im so happy that you recieved such good care and recieved those kind words from your midwife. massive congrats to you and your OH, your little rainbow will be here before you know it. The care plan you have in place is similar to the one planned for me (if i ever got a bfp again!). good luck for the coming months - little emmy will be watching over you both and little sprout. x


----------



## Cetarari

nicksi27 said:


> Im so sorry for your loss - losing Emmy when you had been TTC for 5 years must is utterly heartbreaking. im so happy that you recieved such good care and recieved those kind words from your midwife. massive congrats to you and your OH, your little rainbow will be here before you know it. The care plan you have in place is similar to the one planned for me (if i ever got a bfp again!). good luck for the coming months - little emmy will be watching over you both and little sprout. x

Thank you :hugs: So sorry for your loss too, how I wish there were less of us to post in this forum. Sending you lots of :dust: and hope you get your bfp soon, the ladies (and gents) in this forum deserve nothing but happiness and smooth sailing from here on in.


----------



## gnomette

i am sorry for all the losses on here xx sending you all massive hugs its been a couple of months since i started this thread and we have decided to start ttc in october september is a bad month for us elliotts due date and it will be the 4th anniversary of loosing our first lo to ectopic so we decided that it would be too stressful to even think bout it an its our best friends wedding in october so i need to fit into my bridesmaid dress lol so til then i am gonna make sure i am ovulating cause i am still feeding my 2yo at night (not every night anymore she's weaning her self off) so i have been told that can mess around with ovulating so got some opks an i am gonna make sure between now an then i am ovulating i know it may not always be the right side to fall (i lost my right tube with my ectopic) but i will at least know that everything is doing what it should do an it gives me something to concentrate on until then x i am really glad to see some have gone on to be happy no matter what they chose to do an that some people have gone on to have perfectly healthy babies x 
thank you for all the replies x i have alot of hope that those who have not got their rainbow will do soon and that those who are pregnant i can only imagine how scary it is but i have alot of hope that you will be holding happy healthy babies very soon xx an those who decided not to try again then i hope you manage to keep love an peace in your hearts even when it feels like you are not able to x


----------



## mhazzab

I'm really glad you have decided to try later in the year. Honestly...when you get your BFP the next 9 months are a roller coaster of emotions but totally worth it to hold your rainbow. Just make sure you have support to help you through it and you will be just fine xxx


----------

