# Feeling selfish. Its not the gender I had hoped for.



## Keepsmiling91

Ok, so I know for some the &#8216;nub theory&#8217; is just a theory, but I believe when looked at by someone with a trained eye it can be very accurate. So I had a private scan yesterday at 13w 0d in hopes of some nub clues, and straight away I saw it, risen like I had hoped it wouldn&#8217;t be. I tried to remain optimistic and posted the video along with photos to the nub page, all the admins replied &#8220;yep no denying he&#8217;s a boy! 99% sure!&#8221;

That felt like a kick to the teeth, my fear confirmed it is a boy. I know this sounds hideous and selfish speaking like this, but I have a long history of anxiety (I was born normal, but as I hit around 10 my lower jaw stopped growing) I was severely bullied through secondary school, until I was 19 and had an 8hr op of my jaw being broken and pulled foward, plates & screws & chin implant, I&#8217;m now 26 and the muscle has naturally pushed it back again but not as severe, it affects my life on a daily basis.

I always thought as a teenager, thank god im a girl, I can put on make up, a pair of heels, and wear my hair down and hide behind it, I used to have a panic attack thinking imagine if I was a boy and had to hve shaved/cropped hair and my jawline right on display! 

Also, the father is 5&#8221;2 and I know he has ego / complex issues about his height so I NEVER wanted a son by him!

Plus im now a single mother and cannot bear the thought of having to deal with boy stuff, I have 3 girls and love them dearly.

I struggled to come to terms with this pregnancy as I already have 3 girls and fear I could have passed my jaw onto them and subjected them to a life of bullying, so I didn&#8217;t want to do it to a 4th, and now that I know it&#8217;s a boy it&#8217;s hit me hard I can&#8217;t stop crying! 

I&#8217;m sorry this is an awful post but please believe it&#8217;s out of love (and fear)I don&#8217;t want a child to go through what I went through as a teenager, I also am petrified of being a single mum to 3 girls (which I can relate to) but a BOY!!!! I am truly devastated.


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## red_head

It broke my heart for you reading this. I&#8217;m so sorry for what you&#8217;ve been through and are going through. I don&#8217;t know whether it will be helpful saying this or not, but I hope it makes you feel a little better. One of my friends in secondary school had the same jaw issue as you, and honestly I had no idea until she had the operation and told us why. It had bothered her, but we were oblivious. It could have been because yours was more severe - but you also don&#8217;t know whether that could be the case for your baby - it could be that he does have it, but not to the point it&#8217;s easily noticeable. It could also be possible that he never gets it. Or he could be a long haired goth that can still hide behind eye liner and long hair! Or an epic beard! Also medicine is constantly improving so there may be more they can do, and you are going to be the most amazing, passionate advocate for them because you&#8217;ve been there and will know what they need. 
Please try not to worry - there is only a small chance that any of your children will have those issues, and even if they do, it may not be to the same extent. Have you spoken to your doctor about your concerns and whether it is even hereditary as you may be worrying for nothing?


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## Keepsmiling91

Thank you I&#8217;m assuming mine was a lot more severe, I walked down the road once at about 16 with my friends, for a group of girls to shout out a car &#8220;chins&#8221; and laugh at me - all I was doing was walking. I got called names on a daily basis, my surgeon says yes it&#8217;s 50/50 every time I have a child, like whether they inherit my eyes or the fathers eyes, is the same with my jaw. I was lucky and had a £30k op on the NHS I do believe with the cuts this will not be around by the time my children are 19. (They can&#8217;t have it before then as you have to of completely stopped growing or the top jaw will just continue to grow again creating another overbite) 

Not to mention the dad being 5&#8221;2, I hate men, they lie cheat steal, I cannot relate to a boy in anyway possible and now don&#8217;t want to be here anymore.

I&#8217;m so sorry to write this, I&#8217;ve been following your post and seen what strengths you&#8217;ve gone through to get to this stage, I was so happy to see your updates and appreciate how I must come across, my love for my girls is unconditional they are my everything, but I hate their father (he is everything I just described, abusive, a liar, a serial cheat, manipulator etc) I know I will love the baby, but I&#8217;m petrified of what they will grow into with him as their father and both our genes combined (when it comes to bullying) x 

I attempted suicide twice because of the hell I was given as a teenager and it wasn&#8217;t just at school, ur face is the first thing people see there was no escaping it, and now I&#8217;m going to pass this down to my kids


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## red_head

That&#8217;s awful, people can be so cruel. I can&#8217;t imagine what that must have been like. It is scary what&#8217;s happening with our healthcare, but even if it becomes like America and we have to have insurance and stuff, operations like that will still be available, and over there things like that are covered through the parents insurance - plus it could be argued it&#8217;s a life saving procedure due to the mental health issues it can cause. 
I totally get the hating men thing - I joined this area of the page because my ex was very abusive and it terrified me the thought of having a child like him, or any man similar to him! But now I am with my husband and pregnant my feelings have changed. Please don&#8217;t think that I am judging you in anyway - every journey and pregnancy is different and honestly if I was with my ex still and got pregnant I don&#8217;t know what I would do. That being said I really believe that no matter what genes someone has, if they are brought up well right from the beginning their parents can be irrelevant. If every shitty parent had shitty kids we&#8217;d have died out a long time ago! Honestly you are coming off as really sweet, caring and compassionate, and very incredibly brave for coming through everything you&#8217;ve been through. 

When you say you don&#8217;t want to be here, do you mean with the situation, or in general? If this is getting to that point, would you consider ending the pregnancy? I think if it&#8217;s causing you this much pain you need to think about your girls and do what&#8217;s best for you as a family. It&#8217;s a really difficult decision, especially as you don&#8217;t know that any of your fears will happen, but if you think the worry from now on will ruin your life, or consider you to end it, then I don&#8217;t think anything is worth that. 

Is there any tests or anything to see whether he seems to have any jaw issues in utero? And how tall are your ex&#8217;s parents? 5ft 2 isn&#8217;t that bad - and obviously you still found him attractive at one time- Prince was 5ft 2&#8221; too! Being short really isn&#8217;t a bad thing at all - my husband is about 5ft 6 and I think he&#8217;s genuinely the most gorgeous thing on the planet. And lots of short parents can have taller kids. I know it&#8217;s lots of maybes and possiblys at the moment and that&#8217;s really scary for you, but it could be that everything will be absolutely fine.


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## amytrisha

:hugs:
Im so sorry your feeling this way! 
To start with he may not even be a he! I mean, I know these nub theories are pretty good on paper but theyre definitely not always right even if they do claim to be experts so please dont take it as a given.
If he is a he, Im sure youll be absolutely smitten with him! Theres every chance his jaw will be completely fine, he may not take his fathers height etc. I do think your working yourself up majorly for what ifs.
It doesnt sound selfish at all, it all sounds like completely normal fears and I really do feel for you, but please dont let it take over what a happy time your pregnancy could be right now as it really is all maybes :hugs: 

I prefer a shorter guy, by the way! And like PP said, he could even grow a mean beard - thats to say your fears come true! Hell still be amazing, and loveable, and have every chance at an amazing life. 

:hugs: :hugs: xx


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## Keepsmiling91

Heres my nub shot, Im fairly certain hes a he. Ive had some time to get used to it and its sinking in a little. Plus the jaw thing is obviously a BIG anxiety of mine for girl or boy. My mum had 2 girls & 2 boys, her boys developed normal jaws, my sister had a slight over bite but not serious enough for surgery, and I obviously had the worst, so maybe its a girl thing? But then Im the one with it, and the babies mum so I suppose each child its 50/50 for them, whatever they have I dont care as long as they are confident, and happy, thats all I can hope for, I only panic for the kids at school can be so mean x
 



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## Unexpected212

Honestly you seem to have EXTREME gender dissapointment, There is no harm in seeking therapy or speaking to your midwife/doctor about how you are feeling

I see where your coming from and there is NO judgement from me, I just think there is no shame in seeking professional help in coming to terms with this, pre natal depression is a real thing and you sound like your going through a lot right now

ALl the well wishes in the world to you


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## Keepsmiling91

Unexpected212 said:


> Honestly you seem to have EXTREME gender dissapointment, There is no harm in seeking therapy or speaking to your midwife/doctor about how you are feeling
> 
> I see where your coming from and there is NO judgement from me, I just think there is no shame in seeking professional help in coming to terms with this, pre natal depression is a real thing and you sound like your going through a lot right now
> 
> ALl the well wishes in the world to you

Thank you, I think the news of a boy is sinking in more now, it was just a big shock at first allthough id still have loved a girl. I think I just suffer with anxiety anyway which pregnancy brings out in me (it&#8217;s so out of our control, wether they&#8217;ll be healthy, the generics etc) and that probably
Freaks me out quite abit especially with my jaw thing I could pass down which also feels me with guilt/anxiety. And the not knowing how I&#8217;ll cope (I&#8217;m on my own with my 3 girls) and when I found out it was a boy it was just another unknown. They will be loved regardless x


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## love.peace

Sending so much love. I have two boys and two girls and my goodness my boys are so kind and loving. 
When I found out my second was a boy I was very disappointed and cried a lot. It took so much getting used to. Yet when he was born all my fears went away. Now he is the one who checks how I am, gives me so many cuddles and makes me tea in the morning. 
All will work out lovey ❤ they say that children are sent to challenge us. This is all part of your journey. And what a blessing to have the opportunity to raise 4 children. You are obviously a very loving and strong woman x


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## Keepsmiling91

Thank you so much for your kind words, I just wanted to update the thread and say that my little man is now 8 weeks old and the complete love of my life, I feel very blessed to have 4 lovely children, I still do get very nervous that I have passed my jaw problem onto him, but I worry about that for all my children regardless of gender. I very nearly lost him, (as my waters went a loop of cord came down with it leading to cord prolapse) with in a minute of this happening the red buzzer was hit, a team of staff came rushing in, and I was whisked round and put to sleep for a cat 1 emergency csection, and those 2 long minutes it took to get to theatre, all I kept thinking was I’m so sorry, that I ever for a second did not want this baby. I look at him everyday and think just how lucky I am, he has completed my family, I adore every inch of him! Thank you for all the support shown to me on b&b you’re all amazing ladies xx


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## Keepsmiling91

Baby Theo <3


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## 6lilpigs

He is totally beautiful!!!!! Thankyou for coming to update, it means alot to other ladies in the same position to be able to read it from the other side:) He is going to be one amazing little man enjoy every second of him xxxxx


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## Bevziibubble

So beautiful! :cloud9:


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## love.peace

Oh he is so precious. I'm so sorry for the difficult birth but wow baby Theo is so beautiful. Sending you love and strength x


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## wifeybby

He is gorgeous!

Thank you for sharing your story. I think one hard thing with having babies is anyone fears they will inherit the unattractive features we have. Of course with your condition the fear would be magnified - I think that’s totally normal. I also feel that as much as you’ve gone through, no matter what your kids may ever get teased of, you’re the best person to get them through it. He is absolutely beautiful, and I’m so happy to hear you’re feeling better about things.

:hugs:


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## eegor

Congratulations. Theo is divine :)


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