# Older mum (45) trying for a baby.



## TheWishfulOne

Hi there, newbie to online forums but getting confused by my body at the moment so hoping the lovely folks on here may have advise or info that could help me work things out.
I'm 45, mum already to a 20yr old, but don't remember much about what happened in my early pregnancy back then! 
His father passed away 5yrs ago and 2yrs ago I met someone new but younger than me (34) who has no children of his own yet. We've been engaged for a year & have chatted about things, given my age etc & decided to try.
After months of tracking my cycles & using opk's we think we got our timing spot on this time around.
My last period was (day 1) 24/1/17, ov'd 7/2/17 according to a strong line on the dip strip. So we made sure we did the deed around that date & have been hopeful we got it right.
A couple of days after we dtd I got suddenly REALLY sensitive nipples & they have been ever since in varying degrees. After Ov the cm usually disappears before AF makes an appearance but this time it's been pretty consistent, quite thickish & creamy (sorry if TMI). 4dpo I had a sudden sharp pain on my right hand side one evening, very sharp but fleeting. Hasn't happened since.
5 or 6dpo there was a hint of pink to the cm then it went back to whiteish later in the day.
I've been getting some cramps similar to the AF types since then but also different ones that I don't recognise, specifically just below my navel; kind of pinching, pulling ones, along my lower abdomen too.
Now I'm 9dpo I'm still getting mild cramps and again this evening there has been some pinkish cm/dc, not lots though. Not sure if AF is threatening to appear early or could it be IB? (Fingers X'd!!)
Will admit I've been desperate & Impatient & done a couple of 10mIU hp dip test strips but both negative.
Think it'd be too early to tell yet anyway?
I've been ridiculously tired this part week & a tad moody on & off when I'm not normally.
My OH agreed that the veins in my boobs are looking more visible too...another early sign?

I also recently got told I have a 2 x 2.5 x 1.8cm Intramural Fibroid which has been causing heavier bleeding the past couple of months, so a bit worried that could be affecting things, even though my doc has said it shouldn't do & to go ahead & try to conceive as normal.

So sorry for such a long post but trying to work out what my body is up to...&#128552;


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## lisap2008

It could be too early for the BFP, your symptoms sound promising, best of luck.


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## TheWishfulOne

Thankyou for your reply lisap2008 &#9786;

I'm going to be good & try really hard to hold off with anymore HPT's over the next few days and wait to see if Flo shows herself. If she doesn't then I'll know to test again, at a better time &#128077;
Just praying the weird cramps etc aren't to do with the fibroid or my age throwing things out of kilter.
All fingers & toes are firmly crossed here! x


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## TheWishfulOne

So, today I'm 10dpo which would mean roughly 4 days till Flo is due but today I've had some mild lower abdominal cramps & light bleeding (so far)
REALLY hope it's IB & not AF, I truly do.
My nipples are still super sensitive which they aren't normally around AF time, I'm still way more sleepy than usual.
Kept getting slight light headed feeling earlier. Infact earlier on H felt downright rough. After a 2hr nap is when the bleed appeared, went for a wee & got greeted by some light pink on the paper afterwards. Again, apologies for to much info.

Aaargh! Getting so frustrated with my body. Want to have a positive this time around as I'm becoming all to aware of my block ticking away & the chances getting more & more remote for doing this naturally.
Everything is remaining firmly crossed! X


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## TheWishfulOne

That should be *I, not H and *clock ticking away. Not block. Although that could be on it's way out too with all this headscratching & wondering.
Tick tock, tick tock &#9203;&#9200; &#128552;


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## lisap2008

I have been trying for so long I have learned not to get excited over symptoms , But I hope this is BFP for you!.


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## TheWishfulOne

I'm starting to realise that maybe I shouldn't get too excited every time, and just let what happens happen....x


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## TheWishfulOne

Ok, so today I'm 11dpo, cycle day 25.
AF due around the 21st Feb, today is the 18th & there is some mild lower abdominal cramping & brownish cm (sorry, tmi). Have had small amounts of pale pink creamy cm at 4,9,10 dpo and now it is slight & brown.
Not sure if it is implantation or AF making a start early.

Been quite dizzy on & off again today, and last night my nipples were quite sensitive, particularly the left one, that felt sore, (almost like a burning sensation) they were both quite dark & 'perky', shall we say, for no apparent reason &#128521;

Still rather confused but shall keep waiting...no more premature testing before AF's due date though. Going to wait over the weekend here & see what happens.
Pinkies firmly crossed as always! &#127808;&#127808;


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## lisap2008

Do you usually spot before AF? if not I think its a good sign.


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## TheWishfulOne

As a rule no, especially not lately as the fibroid has made the last couple of AF's pretty heavy. No spotting with them, they just appeared for a good few days.

I'm still uncertain. Had some sparse brown cm again today and it is now becoming redder.
Got a feeling all the 'signs' have just been AF playing games with me :(


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## Alleke

TheWishfulOne said:


> Got a feeling all the 'signs' have just been AF playing games with me :(

I definitely think there is a psych component. I'm wtt a few months, but dh and I half threw caution to the wind a month ago, and I was in the same boat - seeing signs everywhere! My reaction was to think - WTH, I'm 39 and everything says that I shouldn't be able to conceive on half a try. I even had a triphasic chart for the first time ever. Maybe it was a cp or more likely, I was tuned in to nuances in my body that I had never given a second thought to before.

:hugs:


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## TheWishfulOne

"I definitely think there is a psych component" 

For sure! I think because we're consciously trying here I'm now noticing things I normally take no notice of, looking for a glimmer of hope.
Having said that I'm usually pretty aware of how my AF cramps feel and alot of what I had a few days po were very different in sensation & location.

The sparse brown/watery red has now become darker. Still not the same as my usual AF at this point though which is odd, but have a feeling my body is definitely just screwing with me.
Ah well, guess we get the fun of trying again next week! :sex:


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## Alleke

TheWishfulOne said:


> The sparse brown/watery red has now become darker. Still not the same as my usual AF at this point though which is odd, but have a feeling my body is definitely just screwing with me.
> Ah well, guess we get the fun of trying again next week! :sex:

This has started happening to some of my cycles in the past year. I was a little concerned, so I looked it up. If I remember correctly, it's related to lower progesterone. If we don't have success once we start trying, it would be a clue. All of my other indicators (consistency, length of LP, etc.) are fine, so I don't think it's a big deal. In your case, it's not happening regularly, so don't worry.

Have fun next week! :haha:


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## lisap2008

I think its normal that we become more aware of our bodies and our symptoms when TTC.


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## TheWishfulOne

Thankyou ladies. Have felt a bit low today after all those 'signs' that weren't part of my usual pre-AF routine but hey ho, try try again &#128077;&#9786;&#128153;&#127800;&#128077;


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## TheWishfulOne

14dpo: Have been getting some horrendous cramps & lower back/hip/thigh pain along with the bleeding in the past 12hrs+. With mild nausea on & off & a nagging headache too.
This particular AF is different in colour to previous ones. Very bright, red & not as thick in consistency. (Forgive the tmi again folks). Flows heavy, then slows a bit, then heavy again. Keeping me on my toes she is!

What is my stupid body playing at I wonder?
Now it knows I'm desperately trying to conceive it seems to want to throw every symptom at me just to keep me confused.

Given the rather intense sporadic pains I've been getting in my back & hips which aren't usual with my AF I've decided to go & have a quick chat with my lovely lady GP tomorrow (22/02/17).
She's very sweet & always supportive so I think she may help to set my mind at ease as to what the heck has been going on these past few weeks.
WML! &#127808;&#127808;&#127808;&#127808;&#127808;


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## TheWishfulOne

**Possibly a TMI post for some**
15dpo: Doctors appointment; Seems my GP thinks I have miscarried early. As I've been going through a bad time with anxiety since late January she thinks that can have a knock on effect hormonally too...
After getting back from the doctors I had a little inner voice tell me to wee & do a hp test again for some reason...why, if I'm losing my little bean?
As I was catching the urine a rather large clot appeared (just over 50p size) but amongst it was a small, kidney bean shaped lump that looked nothing like the rest & it didn't break down or disperse like the rest either.
When held up to the light it has a small, semi-translucent red outer 'bubble', then inside is a longer, slightly darker shape.
I know it is only early but could that really be my little bean?
Not sure how I'm feeling right now. Want to cry but trying not to incase I'm over reacting & it is just a weird shaped clot.
Can't flush it yet either. Keep double checking & don't want to just flush if it is Bean.
Is my behaviour here quite normal or am I being weird? &#65533;&#65533;

Still getting pretty heavy bleeding and smaller clots, along with quite intense cramps on & off across my entire abdomen now.


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## Alleke

I can't answer your question, but my thoughts are with you. Whatever you decide to do is fine. The important thing is that you treat yourself with care.


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## TheWishfulOne

Alleke said:


> I can't answer your question, but my thoughts are with you. Whatever you decide to do is fine. The important thing is that you treat yourself with care.

Thankyou x
Me & my fiance are big daftys & have decided between us to buy a nice little planter for in the garden & put Bean in there with a nice plant. It may seem silly or over-reactive but it'll make us feel better.
We can't bring ourselves to simply flush this away, just incase it really is our Bean...x


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## Alleke

It's a lovely idea!


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## lisap2008

To be honest at 15dpo the embryo would be the size of a poppy seed, I have had 2 possibly 3 early losses at 5 weeks and never noticed the embryo leave my body,I wish I could have known when they left my body, I just figured when the HCG dropped to 0 it was over, if it makes you feel better to bury it then there is nothing wrong with that.
A friend of mine was 11 weeks when she lost her baby and when she passed her baby she was able to give it to the doctor/lab and they were able to do some testing on it and found out it had downs syndrome. She was able to TTC again right after. I am not sure if they can do testing this early but they would be able to look at it under the microscope to tell you if it was an embryo. I would highly recommend seeing a reproductive endocrinologist verses a GP.


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## TheWishfulOne

lisap2008 said:


> To be honest at 15dpo the embryo would be the size of a poppy seed, I have had 2 possibly 3 early losses at 5 weeks and never noticed the embryo leave my body,I wish I could have known when they left my body, I just figured when the HCG dropped to 0 it was over, if it makes you feel better to bury it then there is nothing wrong with that.
> A friend of mine was 11 weeks when she lost her baby and when she passed her baby she was able to give it to the doctor/lab and they were able to do some testing on it and found out it had downs syndrome. She was able to TTC again right after. I am not sure if they can do testing this early but they would be able to look at it under the microscope to tell you if it was an embryo. I would highly recommend seeing a reproductive endocrinologist verses a GP.

I did wonder in terms of size, what it would be. The dark section inside the little translucent outer is quite longish, slightly curved over at one end, tapering down and small; there's just something about the shape of it that looks so much like the images I've seen online of embryos at that stage, or maybe I was slightly further along than I initially thought?
Guess we'll never know for sure now but never mind, life has to go on, no matter what the bean shape was.
We did go & buy a white orchid this afternoon. My partner chose it. He's been quite down about the whole thing.

Fingers crossed that next time we try we have more luck so my wonderful fiance can be a dad at last &#10084;


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## lisap2008

Well to be clear the embryo would be quite small a poppy seed the week AF is due but the sac makes it look bigger, more like a kidney bean like you described but at such an early stage is easy to mistake the bean for a blood clot. I found a site with pictures of passed embryos warning though they are graphic : https://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/photographs.html

I hope your able to conceive again soon.


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## TheWishfulOne

lisap2008 said:


> Well to be clear the embryo would be quite small a poppy seed the week AF is due but the sac makes it look bigger, more like a kidney bean like you described but at such an early stage is easy to mistake the bean for a blood clot. I found a site with pictures of passed embryos warning though they are graphic : https://lostinnocentsorthodox.blogspot.com/p/photographs.html
> 
> I hope your able to conceive again soon.

Thankyou.
The dark bit inside was pretty small I guess.
Whether it is or isn't what we think, my doc thinks we have still lost the Bean.
The bleeding has been lighter and fluctuating a fair bit. No more big clots, a few smaller bits though.
Last night the tummy twinges were quite intense again. During today they have been intermittent & quite sharp low in my abdomen.
The dizziness quite strong & occasional nausea.
Suppose any hormonal changes that started are now subsiding and causing odd effects.

Sorry to keep going on. This is beyond anything I've experienced or felt before so really not sure what to make of it all.

We have decided we will monitor things closely & try again, though not sure whether we should wait a cycle or just follow the opk's as soon as we can & let nature take its course.:yellow:

Added comment: Just had a look at the link. Thankyou for posting that for me.
What I have lost looks exactly like what the lady is holding in the first picture, the little red kidney bean shaped thing. And would fit in with my timeline at that stage too.:angel:


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## TheWishfulOne

It's been a few days since I last posted & nature took its course in terms of my pregnancy.
Even though it was very early on it has surprised me how run down I have felt in terms of energy & general well being.
Maybe I'm just noticing more because I'm alot older than when I had my son 20yrs ago.

Since Wednesday the bleeding subsided considerably. Yesterday (Saturday) there was nothing & I had a pretty good day. Did start getting weird twinges on my right hand side, by my hip, like I usually get when ovulating though. So that has thrown me. I couldn't be ovulating already?!
But today (Sunday) there is some pink dc again & I feel like crap. Very drained feeling & bad headache.
Guessing it's more to do with hormones trying to sort themselves out again than anything else.
Roll on next AF then me & my beloved fiance can try again.

Sending love & baby dust to all those who are trying xx
:dust:


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## lisap2008

The twinges could be your follicles growing not necessarily ready to be released yet. I have heard of early ovulation after a miscarriage but the earliest being CD9. really early ovulation is actually not a good thing as your uterine lining needs more time to build up before you ovulate. how are you tracking your ovulation?.


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## TheWishfulOne

lisap2008 said:


> The twinges could be your follicles growing not necessarily ready to be released yet. I have heard of early ovulation after a miscarriage but the earliest being CD9. really early ovulation is actually not a good thing as your uterine lining needs more time to build up before you ovulate. how are you tracking your ovulation?.

Thanks for getting back to me.
I've been using those simple sticks that you dip into a urine sample. I suppose with my last bleed likely being an early mc it will throw out all my usual timings now.
All the odd cramps, headaches, lower back ache & twinges I guess are my body readjusting itself.
Last night & today I've been treated to stabbing pain through my boobs, especially the left one again, occasionally itchy feeling around my nipples, needing to wee quite a bit & mild nausea.
My hormones really don't know if they're coming or going do they. :confused:


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## lisap2008

My cycles came as normal after my chemicals just my period was two weeks late and I think I ovulated late after the first chemical. Have you had your CD 3 bloods tested yet?.


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## TheWishfulOne

lisap2008 said:


> My cycles came as normal after my chemicals just my period was two weeks late and I think I ovulated late after the first chemical. Have you had your CD 3 bloods tested yet?.

I've been offered no blood tests at all. I have an appointment this week for something else but I think recent events will come up too so maybe my doctor will mention them then...
They seem to have a 'wait, see and try again' attitude which I guess is all they can do really.


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## TheWishfulOne

Back again.
Took some time away from online to focus on me & my health.
Have had to put ttc on hold for a bit longer as I've just been told I have Subclinical Hypothyroidism now...not majorly extreme but enough to cause some fairly severe symptoms of fatigue, joint pain etc.
When it doesn't rain it pours eh...&#128533;
Been started off on a low dose of Levothyroxine for 6wks then got to have another blood test to check the levels of my T4 and TSH.
Hoping my levels will settle soon so we can get back to making my other halfs dream of being a dad a reality &#9786;


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## Angelique76

Hi Wishful. I am sorry for your loss. I have had three mc. Two of them the sac passed at home. It looks a bit like a big clot, but has a specific round shape. If you wash it, the flesh is normally white. You wouldn't see little bean though, because it would be too small. I couldn't flush mine either, not for a long time. 

All the best in getting your levels settled and praying for you for a srticky bean.


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