# TTC#2 with a special needs child...how far apart?



## HappiestMom

our little girl has/had hydrocephalus caused by an anaplastic ependymoma (brain cancer but tumor fully removed and receiving no chemo or radiation, just MRIs every 3 months to monitor) as well as a global brain injury (think stroke but all over, not just one spot) so cerebral palsy like symptoms and has a VP shunt, trach, chemo port (not accessed unless meds are needed), and a g-tube. She is making steps towards recovery but very slowly and at her own pace. She is 1 year old on Monday and until her stroke even and her tumor removal was a perfectly normal developing baby. We have no idea how her recovery will go, if she will be the way she is forever, if she will miraculously recover within a year, or anything really, no Drs have been able or willing to put a time limit or a specific prognosis. We do want other kids, but I am torn between TTC#2 soon like we had initially planned or waiting for a few years. We dont know when or how she will recover, so I had to wait and wait thinking it will all get better if it actually doesnt and we wasted all that TTCing time. 


If you have started TTCing or gotten preggie after you have a special needs child how hard was it adjusting and do you wish you had waited or wish you had started TTCing earlier? Would kill to have a crystal ball on this one lol...:shrug:


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## mummy2o

Its up to you. There is no good time. I know one of my friends had 3 boys in 4 years and two have autism both quite severe but that's what they wanted. She wouldn't change it, but I swear she is super mum. Able to look after two demanding boys as well as another, manage to do every craft available, cook and have the cleanest house every time I go over! She never seems to run out of time!

I've waited 5 years due to other reasons, but if I was with the same dad as with my son probably two and a half years before trying. However, my son wasn't ever very hard, just time consuming with daily exercises with physio and his development. Like with a normal child there is no perfect time. Its when you feel ready to give your love and time to another child. I know a woman who waited 12 years before she had her second child. Not sure I can wait that long but you never know.


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## AP

I dont think theres a "right" time either. dont get me wrong, when i got pregnant again I thought "omg what have i done" but the benefits really show now, and they help each other developmentally, And T will never understand just _how_ beneficial she was to A :) :cloud9: There are 22months (18corrected) between them


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## HappiestMom

Honestly the only doubts I have really come when Im tired haha...but even then I troop through it like I did when B was first born..so I guess its just natural doubt that anyone has before having a baby...


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## Aunty E

We don't have a toddler with complex physical needs, but she does have some unusual developmental needs. We had Teddy eighteen months after Imogen, and we find the small age gap has worked very well fo us. Teddy is catching up to Mog in terms of speech and things like cycling, which in turn seems to spur her on to achieve more. She is noticeably more conversational since Teddy started talking to her (babytalk and gabbling) and he helps her social development no end. Also, Imogen is a terrible walker, so with her being a bit younger than most older siblings, it was easier to find a good double buggy that would still fit her in.


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## Nathyrra

There's 17 months between my two boys. My oldest has Down Syndrome. It is very hard, I'm not going to lie. I'm tired all the time, neither of them walk yet. 

Saying that though, my younger child is really really helping my oldest developmentally. They copy eachother. They adore eachother, and I know they are going to have a really special bond growing up.

Yes it's very hard. But it's transitory. And they are best buds.


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## Peanut78

My eldest was diagnosed when I was in my 3rd tri with number 2. I totally panicked about it, but as the other ladies have said it seems to help my eldest developmentally - he is spurred on by what his brother younger brother is doing. He also adores him, they are very close (although also fight of course :haha:)


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## svg_

I'm really worried about it.. we are TTC and I'm worried how Tyler will go and if he'll get jealous when he's older :/


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## lilesMom

Hey I know this is an older thread but I thought someone may still answer ;-) 
Was anyone worried their next child would hve speqcial needs too and they wouldn't hve enough time and energy for 2 ?


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## mummy2o

I'm 100% sure that this child will also have autism, its genetic my side with everyone on my dad's side effected to various degrees including myself. To what degree I'm not sure yet, so its just a waiting game. I think with DS being so much older and happy to do things on his own it will be easier. However, that being said between this one and their next sibling there will be a small age gap with some luck, with a year or two so I would try and do their work together. I do have an amazing support system around me though and my mum helps out so much, as well as my OH who works from home and normally works in the evening as that's when he's the most creative (he's a game designer). I think once you work yourself into a routine it will be fine. Give it 3 months after this baby is born though and I will probably give you a different answer. Also according what is wrong, many things are just a one off, so I wouldn't worry to much, plus you can always ask for extra testing (again according to what is wrong)


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## lilesMom

Thanks for ur answer hon. Xx
I'm gonna wait a bit to decide. 
Mine should be a one off. My baby had a stroke.
But I lost my first baby..Simon had s stroke so it kind of puts me off 
I'm just a bit scared. ;-) 
It's great u hve good support hon xx 
I would too if I let them help but I don't. 
I feel guilty if it's notme looking after him.
He needs extra care to what my family is used to nd they all hve their own small kids.
Plus I hate being away from him.
Maybe when he is a bit older il be better


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## essie0828

Hi lilesmom :hi: 

I wonder about this a lot as well. DH and I wanted 2 kiddos pretty close together but after finding out DD has CP, I'm afraid to try again. We also have 3 previous losses so it's always a possibility we could have another special needs child. Some days I don't think I could cope and some days I think we could have another and survive. It's all so confusing :wacko:


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## lilesMom

Hi essie xx
Sounds awfull but if Simon hadn't had a stroke id prob be trying already 
Or def soon anyway.
But as it is . I think il wait till he is 2 ish and decide then.
He needs all of me for now anyway ;-)
But when we get to that stage I dont know if goin back to sterilizer and mt feeds etc will be attractive ;-)
Plus id be scared. If I had another mc . I wouldn't want Simon to seeme sad 
nAnd I don't think I coyld hide it.
Oh well I've 2 yrs to ponder ;-)


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## HappiestMom

We have the boys now..they are 2 & 1/2 months old...however B has 24/7 nursing...without that..I would be stuck at home all day all the time...impossible to take them all out as B has to be in a stroller and obviously both of them have to be too lol...but I dont have any family close by so if you do have a lot of family to help then it wont be so bad especially with just one baby...twins definitely complicated stuff for us lol


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## essie0828

Wow MrsJerome you are a busy lady! Congrats on the double trouble;) How's your little girl doing? 
I don't have a lot of family close by either. Closest is my mom who is 75 miles away, but she works 50 to 60 hrs a week plus commuting. I do have lots of financial support that enables me to stay at home with DD and coordinate her care. Her CP is mild to moderate in severity so her care is mostly therapy based. DH wants to try for a boy but I'm stalling him :haha: I feel like we just now starting sleeping properly and DD is closing in on 2!


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## essie0828

Lilesmom I am thinking of waiting till after DD is 2 as well. But that's just a few months away :wacko: Scary stuff!


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## HappiestMom

she is good hun thanks for asking...she has her therapys once a week...she is soo smiley but has a temper too lol..thing the terrible 2s are hitting lol...she has been cancer free for just a bit over a year...her trach has been up-ed in size and her vocal cords are working but we are keeping the trach for now because of the likeliness of her cancer coming back and her vocal cords being compromised again.she also has cortical vision impairment but we are working on that as well...hoping her site is fixing and rewiring itself...that means that her eyes work but its just getting her brain to process and translate it all that is the problem...


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## lilesMom

Thanks mrs Jerome. 
Hats off to u . I agree with essie. 
U must be a busy lady. Xx
Beautifull kiddies are so worth the time and effort though.
I do hve lots of family close which is great .
But my parents are in their 70 s with some minor ish health trouble
And my ssiblings hve kids themselves.
Realisticly day to day it would just be me. 
I'm sure when Simon is a bit older il prob be brave enough ;-) 
I had 2 day labour too but that's wasn't that awfull actually.
Its a bit hazy now ;-)

Essie tge reason I think 2 ish cos between trying and being preg Simon be 3 ish and heading for play school 
What age r u essie? Do u hve time to play with?
Don't answer that if u don't want to xxx
I'm just curious and wont be offended by non answer ;-)

Wow Mrs Jerome B has been through a lot.
Wishing her and u all the best xxx


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## lilesMom

I just noticed my ticker and realised Simon is close to 5 months where does time go!!!


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## essie0828

I just turned 31 so the clock is ticking :haha: I sorta want to be done with having babies before 35 so not too long to play with. 

Wow, Miss B is a very strong little lady :hugs: Hoping she makes a wonderful recovery.


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## essie0828

Lilesmom I got baby fever really bad when DD was about 5 months old. Ha! It seems like no time ago I was reading your ticker and little squishy man was 3 months. Time does fly with them.


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## essie0828

Mrs Jerome DD also has visual impairment, somewhat like your DD, except her eyes are out of alignment and we run the risk of loosing the brains ability to use the worse eye if we don't use patches to strengthen her eyes.


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## lilesMom

essie0828 said:


> I just turned 31 so the clock is ticking :haha: I sorta want to be done with having babies before 35 so not too long to play with.
> 
> Wow, Miss B is a very strong little lady :hugs: Hoping she makes a wonderful recovery.


I used to feel the same. I'm 33.
But my.sil and bro have 3 little ones aged 0,1 and, 2 . They started when sil was 38 
And they r all perfect so I don't feel so rushed any more ;-)


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## Foogirl

We put it off thinking "wait until...." but looking back on it now, I actually wish we had TTC when she was a year old. My worry was how I would cope with a non mobile toddler and a baby. But realistically, that would have been much easier than coping with a non mobile 4 year old and a baby. They are a lot easier to lift at that age and Abby was still sleeping 2 hours every 2 hours! I don't have many regrets but that's definitely one of them.


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## Foogirl

essie0828 said:


> I just turned 31 so the clock is ticking :haha: I sorta want to be done with having babies before 35 so not too long to play with.

Aye, I'll be forty next year - THAT is a ticking clock......


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## lilesMom

Foogirl said:


> We put it off thinking "wait until...." but looking back on it now, I actually wish we had TTC when she was a year old. My worry was how I would cope with a non mobile toddler and a baby. But realistically, that would have been much easier than coping with a non mobile 4 year old and a baby. They are a lot easier to lift at that age and Abby was still sleeping 2 hours every 2 hours! I don't have many regrets but that's definitely one of them.

Thanks hon.xx
The more time goes by. The more I think I can do it.
I think I just hve to let a bit of time go to lose my fear 
;-) and to enjoy some time with just Simon.


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## maisie78

Foogirl said:


> We put it off thinking "wait until...." but looking back on it now, I actually wish we had TTC when she was a year old. My worry was how I would cope with a non mobile toddler and a baby. But realistically, that would have been much easier than coping with a non mobile 4 year old and a baby. They are a lot easier to lift at that age and Abby was still sleeping 2 hours every 2 hours! I don't have many regrets but that's definitely one of them.

Wow I hadn't thought of it that way! I have been putting it off a bit thinking I need her to be mobile first but of course, what if that takes another 2 years or more? Think we best get cracking :winkwink:


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## twinkletots

My second baby is only 14 weeks old and I am currently five weeks pregnant with number three!!!

I am quite sure it will be total madness but our thinking was that maybe this baby will help my daughter out with her development as they will be so close in age plusmy clock is ticking!
I do have some worries that this baby will have special need too as that would make things really tricky


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## essie0828

Foogirl said:


> We put it off thinking "wait until...." but looking back on it now, I actually wish we had TTC when she was a year old. My worry was how I would cope with a non mobile toddler and a baby. But realistically, that would have been much easier than coping with a non mobile 4 year old and a baby. They are a lot easier to lift at that age and Abby was still sleeping 2 hours every 2 hours! I don't have many regrets but that's definitely one of them.

DD is closing in on 2 and we have put off ttc with the same "wait until...." mindset. I do think I regret it now. I really wanted kiddos closer in age. Wanted to get them both in school and get back to my job full time, but that's looking less likely. DDs' braces are in on the 27th and I'm really hoping she can manage walking and standing for longer periods. If so, we may stop putting off the ttc thing. I'm still scared though :haha: waiting till after the holidays.


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## essie0828

twinkletots said:


> My second baby is only 14 weeks old and I am currently five weeks pregnant with number three!!!
> 
> I am quite sure it will be total madness but our thinking was that maybe this baby will help my daughter out with her development as they will be so close in age plusmy clock is ticking!
> I do have some worries that this baby will have special need too as that would make things really tricky

Your hands are sure to full, and so will your heart. :hugs: Congrats on the bean! H&H9 months!


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## essie0828

Foogirl said:


> essie0828 said:
> 
> 
> I just turned 31 so the clock is ticking :haha: I sorta want to be done with having babies before 35 so not too long to play with.
> 
> Aye, I'll be forty next year - THAT is a ticking clock......Click to expand...

:haha: Agreed. 

Are you currently ttc?


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## lozzy21

We're not putting off TTC because of Niamh's disability. We wanted a big ish gap but I certainly worry about it. Not so much once the baby's here but I worry she's going to have a flare up when I'm heavily pregnant and I'm going to struggle to carry her upstairs, lift her in and out of the bath, off and on the toilet etc.


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## sun

I actually wish we had TTC a bit later, since my son had a really hard time with the baby for about a year. I think if he had been a bit older he would have understood more (they are just under 2 years apart). I think for him 3 would have been the magic number. It all depends on the kids though. And really who knows - 3 would probably have brought along it's own challenges that I haven't even thought of.


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## HappiestMom

3 and 4 are kind of hard ages because they want to help but dont know how and you have to stop them from doing things to "help"....younger ages seem almost easier because they dont even notice the baby or pay attention... in just the last 3 months my friends little girl who just turned 2 right before the boys were born..the first time she saw them she pretty much ignored them....we were there a few nights ago and she was constantly handing me stuff...trying to touch them and trying to "help" us adults lol....dont take me wrong it was cute...but I can imagine dealing with it 24/7 might get annoying lol lol..


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## Mapleroo

When had an 'oops' baby born 11 months after DS who is special needs. He didnt start having seizures till after I was already pregnant , but I was so worried about having a newborn with such an unstable first child (we were told he likely wouldnt even live to see his 1st birthday). Turned out to be the best thing ever! His seizures were controlled at about 1 year and once that happened his development began. They actually developed at about the same time. She started commando crawling and he mimicked her and followed her around. The same happened with crawling and walking. He is almost 13 and his little sister is 12 and she is his best friend. He is considered severely mentally handicapped , but she doesnt know him any other way and is his biggest advocate. I think it's different for everyone though. A friend of mine has a daughter with severe CP and she decided not to have any more kids because she didnt feel she could cope and be able to give her first all the care she requires. I think it's a very personal choice, but the way we did it (unplanned as it was lol) turned out well for us. All the best in whatever you decide :)


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## SammieGrace

I am glad I am not the only one who worries about this. My son is 2 now and I am in my last year of school so would want to wait until after that, but we were originally thinking 3-4 years between kids, but now it seems it may need to be longer. My son is starting to learn more words, but still doesnt seem to understand a lot and is still a baby in many ways. I still hope to have at least one more, but the challenges with him and changed our plans for sure...


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