# Besides myself for something I done :(



## mommy2lilmen

Please, if your going to judge or be mean or something please dont respond. 

I am a mom of 6 boys, I have ocd, I have depression if over worked, I am over worked at times, exhausted, sleep deprived, divorces mother and remarried mother, new mother and ... and more...Tonight I hit my breaking point. Literally. 
My 4th son, my baby befor the last 2 babies...he sets me off with his attitude. He acts like hes forgets, perhaps he has forgotten. I cant be certain. He acts like he has add or autizm or something. I say autism because he hollars and shouts and screams and is just in lala land alot. I want to take him to the dr but what do I say ... do I say, hes being a kid and not doing his chores, pickin gon his brothers, defiant at times, and being very vocally whigny? ugh...well I have been battling this scream of his to his stepdad if he tells the boy to do something or asks him why hes done something, or he just shouts at his stepdad if hes angry. Does he have anger issues? he flies off the handle at a snap of a hat. I try to play around with him at times and its a touch and go situation, either he gets extremely hyper or he just gets upset. could he be feeling left out since I had 2 babies in less than 2 years after him? He flips off the handle at me if I say something to do and he wills tomp or back up and go into places he shouldnt. ....fwd to tonight why i hit my breaking point. He was flipping off at his brother at dinner time. my 4th son knows the routine, no tv at dinner and my 2nd son kept watching tv. I wanted to turn it off but my husband awnted to watch it and I did not want to turn it off even tho he was not in the room. Our dining room is connected to living room...anyways, he kept saying to his brother to turn around and eat. I kept telling my other son to just turn around and eat. then I turned to my other son and told him to ignore it and to stop shouting as I have his brother napping. He says no in a loud squeel says, he has to listen and eat. I said I understand and he just hollared like he didnt comprehend what I meant. his voice and whign got so loud that our dogs left the room, I got up and went into his face and shouted, i said shut up please, ignore your brother, let him get in trouble for not doing what hes told and just continue to do what your told. He looked at me and squeeled sooooo loud that i just smacked his face so hard that it left a hand print and said there now you have something to squeel about. He kept saying mom, he should be eating not watching tv while crying so loudly. I let him calm down and then I called him over to me and gave him a hug. I then asked him what he done wrong and he said nothing. I said do you remember what you done? He says no. This is ongoing daily, he says he forgets. I dont see how he forgets. What is wrong with him? He is this way worse when he comes back from a visit with his real dad. Why is he so persistant to make sure his brothers are listening but he refuses to do it himself? Why is it he is squeeling like this? Why is it he forgets? Is it jealousy, is it neglect, .... I feel so awful for smacking him. I NEVER hit my kids. The squeel got to me and I just couldnt handle it no more. Anyone else with a child similar?


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## Lianne1986

yea my 6yr old is similar and i would never ever smack him round he face!


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## mommy2lilmen

I never ever wanted this to happen. I wish I could take back the clock time. I am not a a mother who does that. That's why I posted this , merely in shock. I don't want to be told, omg your horrible for doin ,i never would do that etc, these things do happen in situations even when you say you wouldn't.


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## mommy2lilmen

I'm a beleiver in talking things out but I just couldn't believe I let this happen. I fel so awful :(


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## freckleonear

I think you need to apologise to him. Explain that you were really stressed, but you shouldn't have hit him and you are sorry. Even mummies make mistakes sometimes. Ask him to forgive you and give him a big cuddle.


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## iceylou

:hugs: :hugs. im wondering if its just his age. im sorry i have no advice just wanted to give u hugs. i did the same to my son when he was about 5 or 6 (hes now 12), he threw an enormous tantrum so i smacked him on the legs hard, i felt terrible after.


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## iceylou

freckleonear said:


> I think you need to apologise to him. Explain that you were really stressed, but you shouldn't have hit him and you are sorry. Even mummies make mistakes sometimes. Ask him to forgive you and give him a big cuddle.

:thumbup: def apologise and give an explanation


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## Jo

Hi hun
It sounds like you need a break, just the way you wrote your post was like you had to get it all out and quickly.
I've done the same to my daughter when she was all big gob and attitude in my face, I just wanted her to stop and we were really screaming at each other, it was over soemthing and nothing as well, it just got out of hand, and yep I slapped her, I was so angry I just walked away.

But after I had calmed down I apologised as I really shouldn't have done it and I wanted her to know what I did was wrong and that even mums make mistakes.

Could you have a word with school? see what he is like there? Spending sometime with him just you and him for maybe an hour doing something fun
or just chilling together.

Even just for your own sanity, get some time out for yourself, an hour in a bubbly bath with a glass of wine and a magazine can work wonders.
xx


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## mommy2lilmen

freckleonear said:


> I think you need to apologise to him. Explain that you were really stressed, but you shouldn't have hit him and you are sorry. Even mummies make mistakes sometimes. Ask him to forgive you and give him a big cuddle.

I did. Amazingly enough he gave me a hug and wouldn't let go. I can't forgive myself. :sad2:


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## dreamy

Don't beat yourself up over this. We all mess up. Unfortunately, kids don't come with an owner's manual. Wouldn't it be nice it they did?

Is there a way you could spend some one on one time with him? Maybe have a couple hours each week on a certain day that is just time for you and him? Maybe he's feeling a little left out with the babies. 

:hug:


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## xSamanthax

It looks like you have already been given some great advice, so just wanted to send some :hugs: your way


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## Catters

xSamanthax said:


> It looks like you have already been given some great advice, so just wanted to send some :hugs: your way

Agreed ^^ WSS :thumbup: -- don't beat yourself up... none of us are perfect. Sending you tons of hugs. :flower:


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## Josiejo

Hun, my now 12 year old son was like that and yes, I found myself in a very similar situation as you. He was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome about 5 years ago and has been on medication for the last 2 years. He has made enormous improvement and is a very calm, polite and intelligent young man. Please do not beat yourself up about what happened, as the guilt will just make things worse for yourself and your children. You did the right thing with the cuddle afterwards. My son never knew what had happened after each episode which was one of the symptoms.

If you need anyone to talk to PM me x


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## mommy2lilmen

Josiejo said:


> Hun, my now 12 year old son was like that and yes, I found myself in a very similar situation as you. He was diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome about 5 years ago and has been on medication for the last 2 years. He has made enormous improvement and is a very calm, polite and intelligent young man. Please do not beat yourself up about what happened, as the guilt will just make things worse for yourself and your children. You did the right thing with the cuddle afterwards. My son never knew what had happened after each episode which was one of the symptoms.
> 
> If you need anyone to talk to PM me x

thank you :hugs:
now that I looked up aspergers,he demonstrates that quite well. I do wonder if its lack of attention or brought on by my parenting. I don't know. I may book him in to my family dr then a wait for another dr. Grrr. Worth it to nail his behaviour down pat. From what age did you begin to see your son as this? Its been well over 2 year for me, I thought was the babies,but its getting worse. I haven't hit my boy since, as I cover my ears and breath calmly befor I interact. I love him. He was almost my last baby, well he was my last baby until I got my tubes untied. So I don't want to loose the bond that is already slipping.


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## Josiejo

I noticed that his 'terrible twos' were more than they should have been and he started becoming violent towards me from the age of 3 - 4. I put up with years of him being violent and having horrendous tantrums. He was finally diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 7 years old and went to CAMHS (Children and Adolenscent Mental Health Services). It was a real struggle to get him diagnosed because at that age he wasn't displaying any of these symptoms at school, but when he was about 9 he started having social problems at school and children started seeing him as being 'strange'. He was/is extremely intellectual educationally but found it difficult to interact with other children. He's been on Rispiradone medicine for about 2 years now and the difference is amazing. He is no longer violent and has more tolerance around his sisters (which I find really hard myself lol).

Like your son, Michael also found it hard and still finds it hard not to interfere when the girls do something they shouldn't be doing and still gets amazingly frustrated if they do something he doesn't want them to be doing (ie singing). There are other symptoms he displayed also like he bounced when he walked and had a twitch in his nose.

Honestly, please PM me if you need someone to talk to - I know how hard it is and sometimes had to 'remove' myself from the situation :hugs:


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## Deethehippy

Hi
It sounds like you are under incredible pressure and i personally think that you deserve a medal :0) It is VERY hard to deal with difficult children esp on top of being exhausted etc and NOBODY is perfect all the time. You made a mistake and you apologised for it, it is good that our children see that we are not always perfect but we apologise for our mistakes as they should.
Explain to your son that you were tired and upset and ddint mean it and then say nothing more.
I wonder if you could arrange a break or some extra help from someone?
Good luck hun, don't beat yourself up, you are doing a great job :hugs:


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## Feltzy

Oh hun don't beat yourself up we all make mistakes. I would take him to see your GP and see what they say x


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## heyyady

I was also going to suggest Aspergers syndrome- my nephew has it and all of this sounds like him- especially being so overly concerned with other's behavior. Take a deep breath. Then pick up the phone and call your Dr.


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## Kunama

Like the other ladies have said, try not to beat yourself up over it. It has happened and there is no taking it back so you've got to let it go. I don't know who you should go to for help, but take this as a sign that things have gone too far and something needs to be done before theres a next time. I did the exact same thing with my 7yr old daughter at the weekend, I still feel terrible about it, and like you I can feel the bond between us being stretched to breaking point. Now is a great time to try and do something positive about it.

Sorry I can't offer more help, but sending huge hugs your way :hugs:


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## jenmc226

My 5-year-old "forgets" what he did wrong when he doesn't understand what he did wrong. He knows that *I* think he's done something wrong. But he's forgotten or doesn't understand when *I* told him what it was that he did wrong.

Sounds like your guy isn't happy that it's ok for his brother to break the rules when he can't. And then he's not happy that he got punished for trying to inforce the rules that you set.

What he needs to learn from this situation is that it's mom and dad's job to set and enforce rules.

What you need to learn from this situation is that children need consistency. Something cannot be ok one day and not ok the next. It cannot be ok for one child but not ok for another.


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## PxCharley

you say you think he has autism, think about Aspergers Syndrome. my sister has it and it sounds very likely from what you are describing. you could do some research or talk to a doctor about it first, before trying to tackle it with your son. 

it also sounds like you definitely need a break, a step away from the stresses of life. if youre prone to depression, this could be even harder for you.

this is all from previous experience, i know how depression and aspergers and stress work in the real world, it can be a big strain. so try and have a break if you can.

remember that he is your son, he does love you. children are very forgiving at times, and hes proved this be responding to your apology and hug. best wishes and support to you, :) xxx


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## PxCharley

PxCharley said:


> you say you think he has autism, think about Aspergers Syndrome. my sister has it and it sounds very likely from what you are describing. you could do some research or talk to a doctor about it first, before trying to tackle it with your son.
> 
> it also sounds like you definitely need a break, a step away from the stresses of life. if youre prone to depression, this could be even harder for you.
> 
> this is all from previous experience, i know how depression and aspergers and stress work in the real world, it can be a big strain. so try and have a break if you can.
> 
> remember that he is your son, he does love you. children are very forgiving at times, and hes proved this be responding to your apology and hug. best wishes and support to you, :) xxx

sorry, only just seen the second page about AS. hope you can work something out. hugs going your way :) :hugs: xxx


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## mommy2lilmen

PxCharley said:


> PxCharley said:
> 
> 
> you say you think he has autism, think about Aspergers Syndrome. my sister has it and it sounds very likely from what you are describing. you could do some research or talk to a doctor about it first, before trying to tackle it with your son.
> 
> it also sounds like you definitely need a break, a step away from the stresses of life. if youre prone to depression, this could be even harder for you.
> 
> this is all from previous experience, i know how depression and aspergers and stress work in the real world, it can be a big strain. so try and have a break if you can.
> 
> remember that he is your son, he does love you. children are very forgiving at times, and hes proved this be responding to your apology and hug. best wishes and support to you, :) xxx
> 
> sorry, only just seen the second page about AS. hope you can work something out. hugs going your way :) :hugs: xxxClick to expand...

Thank you
I have put in for an appointment with my dr and go figure he becomes more cohearant and responsive, but it doesnt last long. I find he gets worse from a weekend at his dads with his older brothers. Ugh, not gonnabe fun and holidays coming.

Thank you ladies. have a wonderful holiday and weekend. :hugs:


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## Mumof42009

Don't feel bad hun, I'm going through stuff at the moment with my dd who's nearly 13. When she starts I step away and ignore her that bother's her more than anything. Hope your appointment goes well x


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## tjw

I spent 2yrs working with young adults on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder and this sounds very much like Aspergers which is at the higher end of the spectrum. The fact that his behaviour is worse when he comes backfrom his father's would it in with this scenario too, as individuals on the spectrum prefer a rigid routine and find it hard to cope with changes to that routine, such as the visits to dad's, and someone watching tv instead of eating when they are used to the tv not being on at that time. It makes it hard for them to let go of whatever the particular upset is at the time. The squealing is a vocalisation of annoyance, and may sometimes be accompanied by a repetative action which appears to be done as a way of self comforting and is often called stimming. Short term memory problems occur often and can only be overcome by repitition in routine. They find it hard to relate to emotions and often misread emotional signals from others. Many often also experience some form of epilepsy, which can range from severe seizures to very mild ones that are characterized by sudden changes in behaviour or periods of up to 20seconds of absences that appear to be daydreams. It is often overlooked but can be picked up during the diagnostic process.

If you have a camcorder, record his behaviour. It can help with getting a correct diagnosis, much quicker. 

Diagnosis and the resulting medication can help to calm the individual and make life easier. However, with prolonged medication use the individual often develops a slow gait (their movements slow down) but this is through years and years of medication. 

Hope that helps hon, goodluck, and don't be too hard on yourself xx


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## mommy2lilmen

tjw said:


> I spent 2yrs working with young adults on the Autistic Spectrum Disorder and this sounds very much like Aspergers which is at the higher end of the spectrum. The fact that his behaviour is worse when he comes backfrom his father's would it in with this scenario too, as individuals on the spectrum prefer a rigid routine and find it hard to cope with changes to that routine, such as the visits to dad's, and someone watching tv instead of eating when they are used to the tv not being on at that time. It makes it hard for them to let go of whatever the particular upset is at the time. The squealing is a vocalisation of annoyance, and may sometimes be accompanied by a repetative action which appears to be done as a way of self comforting and is often called stimming. Short term memory problems occur often and can only be overcome by repitition in routine. They find it hard to relate to emotions and often misread emotional signals from others. Many often also experience some form of epilepsy, which can range from severe seizures to very mild ones that are characterized by sudden changes in behaviour or periods of up to 20seconds of absences that appear to be daydreams. It is often overlooked but can be picked up during the diagnostic process.
> 
> If you have a camcorder, record his behaviour. It can help with getting a correct diagnosis, much quicker.
> 
> Diagnosis and the resulting medication can help to calm the individual and make life easier. However, with prolonged medication use the individual often develops a slow gait (their movements slow down) but this is through years and years of medication.
> 
> Hope that helps hon, goodluck, and don't be too hard on yourself xx

wow thanks. 
I will belooking into it. I just have to figure out why his brothes are bugging him all of a sudden. I tell them to leave him alone when he is in this state of behaviour and they continue, making the situation worse. :growlmad:


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