# No ordinary Joe...



## Suze

I've been a bit slow on the uptake at this boards new existence but would like to just share my story about Joe...

I found out in May that I was pregnant again, it was a bit of a shock as we'd not dtd much since giving birth to my beautiful Ava :cloud9:
So, I relaxed into the pregnancy, found it difficult to think (and obsess!) that much about it due to having an active 1 year old. I spotted on and off however tried not to compare my pregnancy to Ava and had quite a few scans due to this but everything was 'fine' they said.

At just over 16 weeks I went to have the triple test and the midwife tried to listen in to baby's heartbeat but couldn't find it. I was booked in for a scan the next morning but went home and didn't worry too much as I hardly had a bump and presumed my baby was just snuggled in at the back.

The next morning at the scan my whole world came crashing in on me as I was told the baby was dead, and most probably died about a week ago. :cry:
We had no choice other than to be induced 2 days later and deliver the baby.
Those 2 days at home were horrific, I was struggling with the fact I had my dead baby inside of me, and was petrified about going though labour and delivery. Ava got me though it though.

On the 14th of August I gave birth at 7.50pm to a tiny baby boy. It was the most surreal experience, having gone though the physical pain of labour, the drama of waters breaking, to then to give birth in silence to my sleeping boy. We called him Joe.
We spent a couple of hours with him where we showed him the sun shining and then it fell dark. I kissed him and told him about his sister, where he would have lived and who his family would have been. We left the hospital 3 hours later empy handed and with a big hole in my heart.

We had Joe's funeral 3 weeks later and all I kept saying was "he shouldn't be in that box but here in my tummy"

Last week we found out that Joe had a rare chomosomal disorder called triploidy which is incompatible with life. This means he had a full additional set of chromosomes so he really was no ordinary Joe and he was not made for the world but for life inside my tummy only.

It will be 2 months tomorow since we said hello and goodbye. I feel so so sad still and am struggling with the fact that nobody talks about it, nobody knows what to say to me so says nothing and that hurts more...like Joe never existed. It really is true that a mothers grief is the lonliest thing ever. I guess maybe I am reaching the anger phase of bereavement?

Anyway thanks for reading of you got to the end, I didn't mean for this to be so long!

Sleep tight baby Joe :kiss:


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## Blondie007

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Joe was obviously a very special baby. 

I suffered a loss earlier than you but was still quite surprised at how quickly people 'forgot'. They assumed that as i had a smile on my face in public then all was OK when it actually wasn't.

Take as long as you need to recover and remember that everyone here is always happy to listen to one another and support you x


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## Naya69

i'm so sorry for your loss hun have your tried talking to your oh about how you feel, keeping things locked away will only make you grieve more its best to let your feelings out and talk about your lo in the most positive way possible.

he was such a little figher making it to 16 weeks sleep tight baby joe you was too beautiful for this cruel world xxxxx :hugs:


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## Jox

So very sorry for ur loss of Joe :hugs: 

ur right tho, its a very lonely place x


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## Suze

Thanks Blondie and Naya. 

To be honest I think I have 'kept it in' to save other people's feelings and discomfort in speaking about it when I should have been thinking sod them it's about me. Now I worry it's too late and I've given the impression I have handled this all really well :dohh:
At work today I felt like screaming at them all "do you realise I gave birth to my dead - yes dead baby only 2 months ago and now it's all forgotten about??!!"

I won't tho...!


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## MrsWez

I don't think anyone has forgotten Joe, I just think it's difficult for people to talk about. It makes a lot of people are uncomfortable to talk about things they think is unpleasant. So sorry you are having to go through this. :hugs:


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## babesx3

:hugs: to u Suze and floaty :kiss: to Joe


I really hear you on wanting to scream at people.... my baby is dead!! 
I know we can't we just have to say it in our heads!!

Thankfully we have this place to come and help each other!!!:hugs:


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## mummy2anangel

so sorry for you loss goodnight sleep tight baby joe xx


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## dawny690

Suze I know we havent spoken but I have seen you post on a mutual friends journal and just wanted to say Im sorry for your loss hun :hugs: to you and big floaty :kiss: to Joe xxxx


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## HannahGraceee

I am so sorry for your lose :hugs: 

Floaty kisses to joe :kiss: x x


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## twinklestar

im so sorry, sweet dreams baby Joe, Fly high little man x x x x


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## Laura2919

Im sorry for your loss hun.


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## Suze

Thanks everyone, it's nice to see new posts in here even though I wrote it a week ago. 
I do keep on wondering when things will get better, I just feel like things aren't when they should be! 
Jox, I'm sure I said congratulations at the time but congratulations again on the safe arrival of little Leo :hugs:


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## Peril

Suze, I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost a triploidy, mine was back in Feb, I could have written most of this post. I really do feel for you xx:hugs:


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## Suze

Thanks Peril. I think I 'spoke' to you on someone elses journal recently. There's not really much info on triploidy and I'd not heard about it before it happened to Joe. We were 'lucky' I suppose in that we were spared making the decision as we found out his heart had stopped at the appointment where I'd had my bloods taken. Massive good luck wishes to you for this pregnancy :hugs:


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## zimmy

:hug:


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## kiwimama

I'm so sorry for your loss of Joe. Be very gentle with yourself over the coming months. :hugs:


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## Jamaris Mummy

Suze u put tears in my eyes.. Just 15 days after u had ur Joe I had my Jamari, also triploidy and also at 16 weeks. I know exactly how u feel I'm going through that anger stage right now!! Feel free to pm me anytime to talk, did u also have a partial molar pregnancy too Hun? That is usually associated with triploidy and that's what I had.. I'm going to ttc again in march 2011. Thinking of you, I'll pray to Jamari I'm sure he and Joe are great little mates in heaven... :hugs:


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## Suze

What a lovely post Jamari thank you, I hope they are great mates up there on the clouds.
I remember 'talking' to you on other peoples journals but didn't realise yo ugot your results that your Jamari was triploid too. I was 'lucky' in that no patial molar, the extra set came from me.
Take care honey :hugs:


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## Bingles

sorry for your loss rip lil Joe xxx


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## Jamaris Mummy

I like to think they r up there taking care of each other suze:) yes we found out he was triploidy 2 days before I delivered him, however his heart wad still beating strong and this made his daddy and I having to make that devastating decision, even tho we were given no choice, as u r well aware with our triploidy bubbas they wouldn't ever be able to survive outside of our womb, and I was very sick, the drs told me it could be fatal for me also if I continued with Jamari. All the v best for the future, I wish you many happy times and sweet memories of ur little man.. However heartbreaking, we both carried angels, so special. :hugs:


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## Samemka

I'm so so sorry for your loss. Lots of floaty kisses to Joe and hugs for you :hugs: xxxxxx


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## Clo

So sorry for your loss hun *hugs*

My son Frazer had triploidy too, maybe hes up in heaven playing with Joe xxx


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