# So Hurt and upset just need some1 to listen



## Becktoria

Not sure where to post I belong in so many different sections. My supposedly best friend posted on fbook today her scan pictures and how excited she was to b havin a girl. She didn't even txt me to just let me know that she's put it on. When she first told me she was pregnant she promised me that she wudnt mention her pregnancy to me unless I asked and certainly rub my nose in it on Facebook. I lost my daughter at 36 weeks last year due to placenta abruption she was born sleeping, had miscarriage in feb and now been told tubes are blocked. It's extremely difficult for me to see pregnant women or newborn babies, then I go to have a quick nose on Facebook and it's all over there about her scan and that's it's a girl. I was secretly hoping that she would have a boy so I would feel a bit better. I can't believe she never even dropped me a txt. I've cried all day, maybe extra sensitive because of what happened and over reacting but I feel so hurt and utter jealousy. I dont want to feel like this, I hate this bitterness, will it ever get better. I'm desperate for a baby but seems so out of reach at the minute. Does anyone else feel hurt or jealous of friends that out pregnant. I want to run away from it all. Am I ever guna feel happy again. When I think I'm doing ok something happens an I take 20 steps back.xxxxxx


----------



## Taurus8484

Im so sorry for your loss :hugs:

When I read this it made me so angry, I wanted to tell your so called best friend how incredible insensitive she is being.....clueless she is!!!!

I dont know what to say to make your hurt go away, and if I could I would give you the biggest hug.......I understand how you feel, when friends of mine announce their pregnancies and get together to have baby days....I feel hurt, sad, disappointed, angry, pissed off and every emotion in between. 

Sorry again hun xx


----------



## yellowyamyam

no words at the moment but i can cry with you ...


----------



## Zaki

i am really sorry for you loss and i truly feel your pain.
it is so normal to be angry and jealous, i feel like that all the time and i can not help it
i lost few friends after my son died, true colours were shinning through them 
not bothered about that , if they can not be there for us , they were never good friend.
what that woman did was heartless- horrible and evil
you dont need that at the momnent.
try not to get upset over that, just think you are better person and you will rise above it.
if you ever need to talk just pm me.
(just so you know, i feel really low all day every day, lost my boy 4 months ago and it gets worse ,live no longer makes sence and never will)
i truly feel your pain
lots of love darling


----------



## annmc30

sorry for your lose hun


----------



## Sj bornAsleep

What a bitch!!! 
Sorry I know She is your friend and she is happy to be pregnant too!! BUT not everybody needs to post info about their pregnancies on FB. Only attention seekers.
I am going through something similiar :)
I am sorry for your loss. Hope you are ok! :) xxxxxx


----------



## Becktoria

Thanks for your replies ladies and listening. Calmed down a bit now but the odd insensitive thing still keeps going on Facebook, think I'm just going to deactivate my account. I'm currently now going through a suspected ectopic pregnancy :( didn't even expect to get pregnant after being told tubes are blocked. So frustrated this now puts me back 6 months to start ivf, i will not be trying naturally in the future for this to happen, looks like I will always have ectopics due to scar tissue so ivf only option. So angry right now plus baby daughters anniversary coming up in few weeks hot a whole load of emotions going on right now xxx


----------



## dani86

ive never been on here for a long time but i can totally sympathise with how u feel hun. its my little girls 1 year anniversary since i lost her tomorrow and i thought my life couldnt get any worse and it did....i have no children since losing leyla i had a mc at 6 weeks in november and then fell pregnant again in jan and lost a lil boy last month at 17 weeks im more depressed now than i ever have been in my whole life!!! I have removed myself from facebook i only have a one for angel mums as my best friend has recently had a lil girl and i cant bare to keep reminding myself of what i havent got also my sil had had a lil boy. so jst to say i know how u are feeling and i know how hard this all is x x x


----------



## Becktoria

Dani86 I think I've spoke to you before when I lost my little girl too.My daughters anniversary is on 24th July. just can't believe you lost again so into the pregnancy too. It's utterly heartbreaking. Are they going to do any tests on you? Did they find out why you lost your last baby? Life is so unfair, why do these cruel things keep happening. I totally understand about your sister, when I lost my daughter my older sister was due a few weeks after, she had a little boy, I was relieved it was a boy but still found it extremely difficult. It's his christening at wkend I'm not sure how I'm going to be, I love him to bits but it hurts much that this is what I should of been doing instead of havin a blessing at the hospital. I'm finding it do hard with my best friend especially because she's having a girl, not sure how I'm going to react when she is born. One minute she is so supportive then the next I feel as tho I'm havin my nose rubbed in it. 
I've currently going through another loss suspected ectopic and had methotrexade shot yesterday. I now have to go through ivf but can't for 3 months. All I want is my rainbow I can't heal until I'm holding my baby. Sending you a big hug hun, if you ever want to chat I'm always here. I'm so sad to hear your news I'm thinking of you today xxxx


----------



## dani86

i lost my lil boy to a cord accident wrapped around his neck 6 times as cord was a bit long for his gestation. i was relieved it wasnt me when they told me why it happened but its still utterly heartbreaking. i know the only thing that will make me feel better is holding a baby (my own baby) in my arms? i also go on baby centre there is a ttc after loss thread which is really good support as well im on there more than im on here. im also on facebook (but its in a fake name so none of my friends can finds me) i jst add angel mummies on it x x x


----------



## Becktoria

Hi dani
How has it been today? Did you put anything nice down the cemetery? I've been thinking about you today. I hope you have family you can rely on. 
So sorry about your little boy too, what did you call him? I haven't been on the baby centre loss forum I will have to have a look. I really don't know how I would of coped without finding this website. I have a great family, but nobody truely knows how it feels until they have been through this horrific experience themselves. Have you decided when you are going to try again? I know we r both high risk pregnancies when we do and be monitored more but that still doesn't put my mind at ease, I hate the way other pregnant women are so innocent to pregnancy, they can breeze through it without having that terrible anxiety. At the minute I feel as though I'm never going to get there. I've been trying to be positive but when all you see is pregnant women wherever you look and things aren't going right for yourself it's so hard. 
I hope you keep in touch we have both been through very similar things. 
I could do with a little drink tonight but bloody can't coz of this shot! Xx


----------



## dani86

Yesterday was a hard day there was tears!! My Lil angel was spoilt rotten, I got a number one made in flowers and also a birthday cake made with flowers too she had balloons Lil Teddy bears ornaments lots of lovely things. 
I am trying again already this is my first month dice my loss I'm on cd9 not expecting anything to happen so soon but we will see!!! 
I had a drink last night I opened a bottle of Moët to celebrate my Angels birthday!! 
I Jst hope I have a plain sailing pregnancy next time! 
Ill try and come on here to keep in touch but u should def try babycentre as well. It's a forum called trying to conceive after loss and it's really active pll always there 
Ore or less to talk to who have gone thru things like us x


----------



## Becktoria

Ahhh dani your little girl has been spoilt, you got her some lovely things. The birthday cake idea sounds like a lovely thing to do I think I might nick that idea off you for my daughter. I'm dreading the anniversary coming up I've been very emotional lately I can't even sleep again thinking of her. Defo going to join babycentre u sound like you've got great support on there, you will have to pm me your username and I will do vice versa to keep in touch. speak to you soon xxx


----------



## jessandaj

I feel so mean but if i see a pregnant women want a certain gender i secretly gets these feelings in the pit of my stomach that i want it to be there other gender and that makes me feel so bad but idk i cant help it i mean i have no happyness of pregnancy yet they get unplanned pregnancys the exact gender they want and everything and idk like i said it makes me feel so crappy to be like that and i pray and pray for acceptance but the jealousy is still there anyways wishing you the best of luck hope you can get your tubes cleared up asap and get pregnant right after and have a beautiful healthy and happy pregnancy


----------



## kiki04

:hugs: :hugs: 

Hun while I can certainly understand your feelings of sadness seeing those pictures, and I truely can because I have had a loss myself, I cant help but think that she isnt the bitch she is being painted to be. I would never ask my friends to rob themselves from the utter blissful happiness and enjoyment in their pg, and be able to share with the world the exact same way we all did when we were pg.... before we lost our babies. I could understand had it been very fresh for you, but sadly enough to them they dont realise how long the pain goes on... that it lasts and lasts and lasts.... forever. It never goes away. To them... you lose, you grieve, you move forward. Not the case.... but they have never been in our shoes, nor would I ever wish it upon anyone. She is allowed to enjoy her pg. She is allowed to share it with the world. I think sometimes we see through burry fogy glasses as it clouds our visions because of our grief.... but all she did was tell her friends something that she is so incredibly happy about. You dont have to be in love with the fact that she did this, but I truely dont think that makes her a bitch.

I am sorry that you felt pain from this though but one day, in baby steps, in your own way and your own time..... this wont be so hard for you :hugs:


----------

