# Spanking vs. Time Out



## AirForceWife7

Not sure if there is a similar thread to this one, but just wanted to know what your thoughts are on this matter. I'm not trying to start a debate here, I just want to hear some intelligent opinions from a bunch of great moms :thumbup: Brenna is way young still, but when she gets older, I'm trying to decide what will be most effective as far as disciplining her goes. :flower:


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## vinteenage

There's nooo way this won't turn into a debate.

I feel we'll end up using both. Not horrid, pain inducing spanks but enough to get his attention when he's older (and only for very, very wicked things). Time outs will be done for more common misbehaviors.

I dont think theres way to say ones more effective than another, it'll vary on the child. My parents did spankings and it worked for me. I'm not violent or hit others now. The fear of getting spanked was enough when I was littler.


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## 17thy

I feel we'll end up using both also. Once again not "horrible" spanking, just a few taps on the butt. Of course it all depends on how my daughter is! Thats all it comes down to. Every child is different and needs a different method of structure and discipline, and I don't think anyone should be made to feel bad except for child abusers lol.


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## kittycat18

I won't be doing either. I will be following positive discipline which involves over-exagerating praise when they do something right and getting down to their level and saying no when they do something wrong. I also won't be raising my voice :flower:


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## _laura

Time out. Only because I do something similar now (he goes in his cot when he does something really bad - like pull all my hair out)
But then again I hate giving punishments so I will probably be the pushover parent :haha:


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## KaceysMummy

Neither. Kacey is/will be an angel :smug: 

I've never thought about discipline tbh, she's fine right now and if ever it's a firm no down at her level, I also use a lot of positive praise so she knows what she should be doing. 
Sometimes I ignore her if she's in a massive strop, that way she doesn't continue or do it again to get my attention. 
It depends on the child. x


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## Natasha2605

Definitely not spanking/ tapping of any sort. I don't agree with it in any way shape or form.

The route I wanna go down is consequence and rewards. If Summer is doing something naughty(i.e hitting not sharing etc) she will be warned not to or else she will be removed from the situation.

I hope to have a star chart from the age of three or four so that things like good behaviour, acheivements and chores can be rewarded.

I think I'll be a firm parent. When she is older , say 5/6 plus I'll take things away from her if she doesn't behave, TV's, ipods etc.


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## Desi's_lost

I cant really say yet. I mean I never *want* to smack my child an I never plan on having to. I really feel that hitting only works if you use it to intimidate a child and in no way is that right for any reason. 
I plan on using time outs and taking away privileges to enforce my rules. I think one of the problems now a day is when you ground a child to their room often times there are tvs and toys out the wazoo so how is that even a punishment? lol but anyway, my answer is I plan on not hitting ever.


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## faolan5109

I know with Lane I use time out because he is my little mimic and everything that I do he tries to do. SO if I were to hit him I know he will think Okay will mommy hits so I can and will do so even if he has cried on and on about it. I do yell at him but its not like i call him names or overly scream. I am just very stern with him when he is wrong telling me "no!" and why we dont do that.


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## mommy_2008

i think time out because spankin really dosent work at least in my case or take something they like away is really good to :)


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## nicole_

kittycat18 said:


> I won't be doing either. I will be following positive discipline which involves over-exagerating praise when they do something right and getting down to their level and saying no when they do something wrong. I also won't be raising my voice :flower:

i think thats easy to say when you dont have a misbehaving toddler lol


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## lizardbreath

I have had to use both On Jaymee I really dont see anything wrong with it sometimes she deserves it when she needs to realise that Im still her Mother and shes just the 2 year old . I find a Smack on the Bum does better then Timeouts because Timeouts are in her room and her room has toys .


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## vinteenage

nicole_ said:


> kittycat18 said:
> 
> 
> I won't be doing either. I will be following positive discipline which involves over-exagerating praise when they do something right and getting down to their level and saying no when they do something wrong. I also won't be raising my voice :flower:
> 
> i think thats easy to say when you dont have a misbehaving toddler lolClick to expand...

Yeah I was thinking the same.

No offense, really Chloe. If that's what you want to do, go and try to do it! Keep in mind though that may not work for your child. They may spit at you or hit you or such. What do you do then? Say 'no'? That doesn't seem like it'd be enough for a really strong willed child.

Again, I like the idea but I dont see it working with every kid...


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## rainbows_x

I am not sure really, as she is not at ther age where I have to use either I think.
I would like to say just time out but that may not always work.


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## Aidan's Mummy

We do a mixture of time out and positive re-enforcement. If he is naughty is ignore him completley therefore not rewarding his behaviour with attention. If he continues I then put him on the naughty step with out saying a word. Which removes him from the situation and the trigger for the behaviour. 

I don't think smacking is really an effective form of discipline. It is still giving the child attention for the behaviour even if it's bad attention it's still attention. I also see it as, it isn't acceptable for him to hit me so why is it acceptable for me to hit him? If he hits another child and then I tap his hand for doing it then it is sending out mixed messages, which isn't effective discipline as the child doesn't understand. 
ETA: I am now introducing star charts which again is positive re-enforcement x


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## mayb_baby

Both as atm Michael is a good baby (apart from hair pulling, kicking etc. but he's young) I watch Looooaaaddds of Super Nanny and I like her techniques but as I don't have a toddler yet I can't possibly gaurentee I wont smack Michael if he does something bad and refuses to listen.

So I'm not ruleing it out I was 'smacked' on the bottom and hand as a child anas was OH when we were in the wrong so I'll wait and see xx


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## lizardbreath

vinteenage said:


> nicole_ said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kittycat18 said:
> 
> 
> I won't be doing either. I will be following positive discipline which involves over-exagerating praise when they do something right and getting down to their level and saying no when they do something wrong. I also won't be raising my voice :flower:
> 
> i think thats easy to say when you dont have a misbehaving toddler lolClick to expand...
> 
> Yeah I was thinking the same.
> 
> No offense, really Chloe. If that's what you want to do, go and try to do it! Keep in mind though that may not work for your child. They may spit at you or hit you or such. What do you do then? Say 'no'? That doesn't seem like it'd be enough for a really strong willed child.
> 
> Thank you for saying this because I was going to .
> My Daughter is 2 and she hits , she bites , shes somethings just horrible , and Sometimes its needed . I would never do it for no reason but Sometimes a smack on the bum or timeout is just needed
> 
> Again, I like the idea but I dont see it working with every kid...Click to expand...

Thank you for putting this 
My Daughter is 2 and she sometimes is Horrible she hits , Bites , and just all around is a Brat . so sometimes she needs a Smack on the bum or a Timeout to remind her that she cant do these things. Mind you not all the time , But you have never delt with a Two year old when they are in a Bad mood


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## Natasha2605

lizardbreath said:


> vinteenage said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nicole_ said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kittycat18 said:
> 
> 
> I won't be doing either. I will be following positive discipline which involves over-exagerating praise when they do something right and getting down to their level and saying no when they do something wrong. I also won't be raising my voice :flower:
> 
> i think thats easy to say when you dont have a misbehaving toddler lolClick to expand...
> 
> Yeah I was thinking the same.
> 
> No offense, really Chloe. If that's what you want to do, go and try to do it! Keep in mind though that may not work for your child. They may spit at you or hit you or such. What do you do then? Say 'no'? That doesn't seem like it'd be enough for a really strong willed child.
> 
> Thank you for saying this because I was going to .
> My Daughter is 2 and she hits , she bites , shes somethings just horrible , and Sometimes its needed . I would never do it for no reason but Sometimes a smack on the bum or timeout is just needed
> 
> Again, I like the idea but I dont see it working with every kid...Click to expand...
> 
> Thank you for putting this
> My Daughter is 2 and she sometimes is Horrible she hits , Bites , and just all around is a Brat . so sometimes she needs a Smack on the bum or a Timeout to remind her that she cant do these things. Mind you not all the time , But you have never delt with a Two year old when they are in a Bad moodClick to expand...


I disagree. Even if your child is strong willed surely telling them no enough times will eventually discourage the behaviour they are showing. Consistency is the key, regardless of the form of discipling you choose. I believe that up until the age of about three it's not really fair to ''discipline'' a child as such unless you can 100% guarentee that they know the effect of what they are doing.

Summer bites/ hits out when she can't have something and can pull hair etc. Biting is her new fave thing atm. Telling her no enough times consistently she will learn that behaviour like that will NOT be tolerated. In most cases ''No'' should be enough , eventually. It may not have the immediate effect but consistency is key to everything, regardless of which method you choose xx


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## lizardbreath

Done with this conversation , Its my opinion , and once again to each is own


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## thedog

Cuddle it out, find out the cause of the madness.. woooo


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## Desi's_lost

I agree that consistency is the key to any discipline times a million. :thumbup:


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## kittycat18

I appreciate the messages but I don't believe in spanking or slapping a child. It's completely frowned upon in my area and within my family, even a little smack on the bum is taken very seriously. I understand that every child is different and that it may be difficult to reinforce a certain aspect of positive behaviour, but I can only imagine perseverance would be key. I have been around children quite a lot thank you and my OHs parents own a nursery and teach positive discipline and work through it with the parents and they have found it, in the long term to be more successful. Again, thank you for the messages and that is all I will say :flower:


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## Natasha2605

kittycat18 said:


> I appreciate the messages but I don't believe in spanking or slapping a child. It's completely frowned upon in my area and within my family, even a little smack on the bum is taken very seriously. I understand that every child is different and that it may be difficult to reinforce a certain aspect of positive behaviour, but I can only imagine perseverance would be key. I have been around children quite a lot thank you and my OHs parents own a nursery and teach positive discipline and work through it with the parents and they have found it, in the long term to be more successful. Again, thank you for the messages and that is all I will say :flower:

I agree :thumbup:


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## lozzy21

I think smacking is seen very differently in the US to the UK. Its looks like its more acceptable in the US than it is in the UK.

But like some one has said if your child hits another child and you smack it as punishment then your telling them off for something you have just done. Its only going to confuse the child and make it confused as to what is acceptable behaviour.


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## Weeplin

I use time out in the form of the naughty step or corner and behaviour charts. I'm really proud to say that I have never laid a finger on either one of my children (Aimee 7, Jason 2) and I never will and they are both well behaved (well, Jason is only 2 so of course has his moments ;-) ).

I believe that spanking or using any kind of violence to discipline a child is teaching them out of fear not respect. The child doesn't do the naughty thing again out of fear of being hit. There just really is no need for it and I hate witnessing it. 

That saying, I would never judge any mother who chooses to punish their child in this way. I have friends who smack and even though it upsets me it is not my right to judge them. Each parent to their own.

It does baffle me however when I see a parent smack their child for hitting...

EDIT: I just realised this is in the teen parenting bit! Whoops..baby brain! Oh well, I was 17 when I had my daughter :D


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## Kimmer

Neither. 

You can see my opinion on this sort of thing in my signature.


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## x__amour

I will not spank Tori. I might try time out but I'm not sure how effective that'll be. I don't know. I have to see as we go. :shrug:


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## thedog

...


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## AriannasMama

Time-outs 1 minute per year. I will also explain why she is getting in trouble while at her level. I already do this now so she can eventually understand (ex: don't pull mommy's hair, it hurts! don't take mommy's glasses, I need those to see!). I know she doesn't understand now but she will eventually. 

I don't really believe in spanking, my parent's did it but I don't think it really made a difference, if ANYTHING, I think a really light tap on the thigh to get them to pay attention is the most I'd do.


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## Jemma_x

I would never tap/spank connor. If he does something wrong i get down to his level and tell him no, if he carries on he goes on the naughty step and when hes good i praise him alot


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## Desi's_lost

When Syris into something she isnt suppose to be i tend to say something like 'Stinky!' or just 'hey!' in a high tone which startles her into stopping, then i just repeat 'no' sternly. no idea if that will help set the stage when she is older, but it would be nice if it did.


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## Aidan's Mummy

Aidan is nearly 3 and we have/are going through the terrible twos. He has hit,bit,kicked, thrown tantrums in the middle of the the supermarket. He has had some truly awful behaviour but I was consistant, stayed calm and did the combination of teqniques I desribed. They have worked and he is now nearly cleared the terrible twos, now I don't really know I have him. He plays nicely with others, doesn't hit out anymore and listens x


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## sarah0108

Time out for us.

I wont totally rule out a tap on the hand or something if they are older but if i can solve a situation by time out then thats how we'll work on bad behaviour


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## bbyno1

I was spanked a few times as a child & it done absolutly nothing for me at all. I won't be spanking Aliyah but might do time outs. I havn't done so yet but sometimes so on the verge of doing so.


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## amygwen

I voted both. They are both effective ways of discipline IMO, I will be doing both.


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## MommyGrim

I voted both. Time out's for when she does something bad (but not that bad) and spanking for when she does something really bad. Both were used on me as a child and I turned out just fine. :flower:


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## wishuwerehere

I don't believe in smacking. I've said it before here - I just don't see how it can be a consistent form of discipline. If you've had a great day, your baby has been sweet and lovely and then they do something naughty out of the blue you will react in a different way to if you've had a crappy day and they've been tired and whiney. You're obviously going to have a shorter fuse in the second siituation and are more likely to behave aggressively, even if it is just a smack on the hand. 
Where do you draw the line? How do you decide what's a smackable offense and stick to it, especially if you have got up on the wrong side of the bed? I know a tap on the hand isn't child abuse, but at the end of the day smacking is aggressive and I don't believe it can always be carried out rationally. My mum said the reason she stopped smacking us was because what made her feel like doing it varied from day to day and how could that ever give a consistent message?


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## Char.due.jan

I voted for time out. I don't believe in hitting children, no matter what anyone says it's hypocritical. Take this scenario- your child has just hit you, you punish them by hitting them. What does this teach your child? Violence is ok, that's what. I have a strong opinion on this so that's just my two pence worth. And yes, I was hit as a child.


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## thedog

Char.due.jan said:


> I voted for time out. I don't believe in hitting children, no matter what anyone says it's hypocritical. Take this scenario- your child has just hit you, you punish them by hitting them. What does this teach your child? Violence is ok, that's what. I have a strong opinion on this so that's just my two pence worth. And yes, I was hit as a child.

:hugs: 
I got my legs slapped, did me no good whatsoever.


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## Strawberrymum

Hmm I'm going to vote time-out although I've never done any yet. 

I'm terrified of having a teenager or an attitude filled pre-teen so I want something that I can use in the long term for consistence. So time-out, talking it out, taking away privileges and positive re-inforcements that's me!


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## Strawberrymum

Oh my actually I have tapped my daughters hand if that's classed as smacking. But not going to anymore made me feel horrible and since then ive found a simple 'no' and a firm look just as effective :)


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## stephx

I wont be smacking, never ever EVER, I dont think its effective at all and tbh I would rather she misbehaved than was scared of me. My mum used to full on beat me and my sister and i hated her for it

I think i'll do time out and when shes old enough, take things away (TV etc) for really naughty behaviour.


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## rockys-mumma

kittycat18 said:


> I also won't be raising my voice :flower:

I'm not trying to take the piss or offend you *at all*. Plus im like two posts into the whole thread so I have no idea if anything else has been said BUT as the mother of a 16 month old toddler omg I cannot imagine not raising my voice sometimes. I'd love to be able not to raise my voice but sometimes I feel it just needs to be done to get his attention!!

Also, I dont hit Alfie, I just think it would just encourage him to hit out when somebody does something he doesnt like. I use the timeout principle. Luckily he is quite a good boy atm but we will definately just have to see how things go. I dont think there is anything wrong with a small tap in extreme circumstances like child running off into the road or something although I think they would be more scared from doing it again if you explained to them what would happen rather than getting a smack.

Oh and also, I use so much positive reinforcement with Alfie that he claps himself when he does something 'good'. But its SO hard at this age because I praised him for putting some orange peel in the bin but now he puts whole oranges in the bin because he dont quite fully understand yet. I definately dont tell him off for stuff liek that though just try in vain to explain the difference lol.


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## Strawberrymum

Wish I had the patience to not raise my voice good on you! But when my LO is about to do something naughty/ dangerous I need to raise my voice to stop her.


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## annawrigley

kittycat18 said:


> I appreciate the messages but I don't believe in spanking or slapping a child. It's completely frowned upon in my area and within my family, even a little smack on the bum is taken very seriously. I understand that every child is different and that it may be difficult to reinforce a certain aspect of positive behaviour, but I can only imagine perseverance would be key. I have been around children quite a lot thank you and my OHs parents own a nursery and teach positive discipline and work through it with the parents and they have found it, in the long term to be more successful. Again, thank you for the messages and that is all I will say :flower:

I totally agree with you on the smacking, but I'm curious as to why you wouldn't use time out? Also I guarantee you most probably will raise your voice at some point or other lol.

Oh and to answer the thread, time out and positive reinforcement :thumbup: We already kinda do time out and it seems to work, although I'm too soft and hug him when he cries :dohh: But i leave him for a little bit first and tell him sternly "we don't do X because Y"


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## nadinek

We never ever hit our DDs and i can't imagine ever doing it.

time out and encouraging them when they behave well all the way. :thumbup: DD1 is old enough thatwe can talk things thru with her a bit now too.


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## divershona

i used to get a smack when ever i was naughty as a child, from about 14 or 15 months! if anyone comes near me now with their hand raised i actually cower away from them! at 19 i'm still that affected by that?! i know im big enough to stand up for myself now but if i do something my parents don't approve of (like getting pregnant at 18!) i still feel scared incase i get a smack! so there is no way that i would smack kaya, i did it by accident the other day (i was trying to swat a bee out the way and she moved her leg so i smacked it) she screamed so much that i just picked her up and cuddled her, i was crying and saying sorry so much OH wondered what the hell was wrong but i felt so guilty, i know it was an accident, but if i was to do that on purpose i don't want to know how guilty i'd feel.

we already use positive re-inforcement with kaya, like when she sits all by her self we clap and smile and say clever girl etc, we also use a firm no and move her away when she is doing something she shouldn't like pulling my hair! when she is older we will probably use time out's as i think thats better. all i know is that i never want Kaya to have that much fear of me or OH that i have of my parents.


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## lily123

thedog said:


> Char.due.jan said:
> 
> 
> I voted for time out. I don't believe in hitting children, no matter what anyone says it's hypocritical. Take this scenario- your child has just hit you, you punish them by hitting them. What does this teach your child? Violence is ok, that's what. I have a strong opinion on this so that's just my two pence worth. And yes, I was hit as a child.
> 
> :hugs:
> I got my legs slapped, did me no good whatsoever.Click to expand...

This exactly Char!
I was smacked (well, beaten) as a child and i grew up thinking it was okay to hit people if they did something wrong to me or annoyed me, so i was an extremely violent child and teenager, constantly in trouble for fighting and now i have a very upsetting reputation as 'the solid girl' and tbh, i hate it. Even now, if someone i don't know gets too close to me, or raises their hand near me, i flinch and make a fist automatically.
I would hate it if Esmee turned out like me. So no, no smacking whatsoever.
x


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## Lucy22

Just timeouts, no smacking or spanking.

I don't raise my voice either unless she's about to do something really dangerous and I do it to grab her attention really quickly.

Usually my "cross" voice is enough to get her to stop whatever she's doing.

Different things work for different children but I personally don't believe in smacking. :flower:


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## Kians_Mummy

At the moment we are teaching Kian no. The earlier he learns it the better.

I would like to sticking to time out and positive reinforcement as I learnt about it while studying health and social care and in many of the studies they had a very positive outcome. 

Although as many have said something dont work on some children.


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## sarah0108

As a mum of 2 toddlers, i can't understand how you CANT possibly raise your voice at some point? :wacko: 

and as for those saying 'consistancy is the key', that isn't always the case!!

Harriet knows whats right and wrong and if she smacks Max or bites him or whatever she knows its bad and will look at me as she does it, she's done it since he was born and i use 'No' for her.. not that its helped in the slightest, she just hurts him when my back is turned now.

I have never hit them, but when they stamp on each other or push each other its just a reaction to shout their names and get their attention :shrug:


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## thedog

I remember being pregnant, the amount of things i said i wouldn't do..
Anyway, i will never hit, smack or whatever. I'd rather get to the root cause than do time out, thats just my opinion, what works for one may not work for another!
Oh, i have raised my voice a couple of times, when LO crawled to the plug sockets with his dribbly hand when i had my back turned cooking his tea (first time ever he crawled btw) Had to quickly do something to make him stop in his tracks...................


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## polo_princess

Im kinda an either or person, i havent ever smacked Brooke nor used time out, but i wouldnt rule either out iykwim?? If i felt that they were the most appropriate form of punishment at the time then id do it :shrug:

Usually a telling off will suffice in my household


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## polo_princess

Also on the rasing your voice front, i actually think sometimes its necessary, for example if your child were to put themselves in danger, gently saying "no" isnt going to register the severity of what they have just done IMO

Like if your child ran out in the road for instance .....


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## rjb

honestly, i don't rule anything out. i was spanked on occasion and i turned out fine, not even vaguely violent. i've never been in a fight, in fact i avoid confrontation as completely as possible.
that said, i will try everything else FIRST


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## emilylynn18

I will try a variety of things...
Positive reinforcement, saying "No", slight tapping/smacking, time-outs, getting down on their level, etc.

I believe that you should use whatever form of discipline works best for your child.


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## syntaxerror

I'm out on this one. Not sure.

At the moment, I'm leaning toward no spanking...although it was pretty effective for me; I was terrified of being hit and I actually remember deliberating before misbehaving...I'll probably get spanked for this; is it worth it? 

And sometimes, it was. Like for hitting my brother when he ate my grape chapstick. Totally worth it.

I guess I don't know. Will figure it out as I go or think on it some more.


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## polo_princess

I swear this thread was in toddlers last night ... I cant have been that drunk surely?? :rofl: :rofl:


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## Desi's_lost

Santaxerror, I love the way you speak, it just comes off as so comedic the way i read it and :rofl: at Polo Princess!


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## Lydiarose

nicole_ said:


> kittycat18 said:
> 
> 
> I won't be doing either. I will be following positive discipline which involves over-exagerating praise when they do something right and getting down to their level and saying no when they do something wrong. I also won't be raising my voice :flower:
> 
> i think thats easy to say when you dont have a misbehaving toddler lolClick to expand...

Was going to say the same,
I had so many ideas when i was pregnant on what i was going to do no tv/breastfeeding till 1 never raise my voice or get frustrated . . . honestly wait until your babys here it soon changes :winkwink:


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## Lydiarose

Forgot to add,i am 100% sure i will never ever full on smack oscar for any reason at all.

I really believe the naughty step/being told firmly thats naughty and you dont do that is far more sufficiant than smacking them . . . i just think it teaches them violence is the answer?

a little tap on the hand and saying no thats hot oscar doesnt touch that is different,IMO anyway.

I see woman shouting and smacking there LO's all the time in sainsburys/in town and it just looks awful :(


But i know for certain ill raise my voice,i dont see how i couldnt realistically i dont see how saying a quiet No is going to help when a hypweractive toddler is running around destroying the place :haha:


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## Burchy314

vinteenage said:


> There's nooo way this won't turn into a debate.
> 
> I feel we'll end up using both. Not horrid, pain inducing spanks but enough to get his attention when he's older (and only for very, very wicked things). Time outs will be done for more common misbehaviors.
> 
> I dont think theres way to say ones more effective than another, it'll vary on the child. My parents did spankings and it worked for me. I'm not violent or hit others now. The fear of getting spanked was enough when I was littler.

exactly this!


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## lhancock90

Personally i don't agree with hard smacking, i was only ever smacked once, my parents found other ways of discipline such as reward systems, a good telling off etc. However a tap on the hand to stay away from the oven/fire is a totally different thing to me. The mum who said she doesn't intend to raise your voice, you are a better person than me, i have a much younger sister and trying to not shout at a cray naughty little girl is verryy hard! Lol.


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## princess_vix

thing i found when my friend did tapping with her little girl that her girl thought it was okay to hit when she was angry or couldnt get her own way.

time out works for us :)


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## emmylou92

My gosh hollie loves to make me squeek in pain and she laugh's when she doe's it. she pinches, scratches kicks and pulls hair. she really hurt me the other day from pincking me i have a bruise on my arm, i raised my voice and shouted OUCH and put her down but she started to cry so i picked her up and gave her a cuddle....I'm a push over daddy can deal with her when she is naughty.


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## annawrigley

emmylou92 said:


> My gosh hollie loves to make me squeek in pain and she laugh's when she doe's it. she pinches, scratches kicks and pulls hair. she really hurt me the other day from pincking me i have a bruise on my arm, i raised my voice and shouted OUCH and put her down but she started to cry so i picked her up and gave her a cuddle....I'm a push over daddy can deal with her when she is naughty.

Haha that isn't her being naughty!! She's way too young to understand cause and effect :p I sometimes wonder if Noah even understands now!


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## emmylou92

i know she dosen't mean it...still hurts though. I won't smack hollie. my mum used to smack me and it never made any differance. i dont believe in hitting kids though you never know.


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## princess_vix

i think 'smacking' is different to a tap on the hand and i mean tap so literally you leave no mark.

But i really don't see much point in it..it just basically tells your child that when their angry ect that they can tap too...which their tap turns into a smack..i think time out works brilliantly!


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## tasha41

Neither work; 2 year olds are just trouble lol.

I honestly believe that beyond telling her/removing her (or whatever it is) from the situation, that she will not benefit from much 'punishment' at her age; so I try to limit it to a stern voice and a NO. I try to be proactive at this point; pick up things that aren't safe for her/keep them out of her reach, limit the stuff that can make a huge mess that she has access to, keep her busy doing other stuff (mostly mine seems to act out when she's bored). The only time she's had a time out have been instances where I've been angry at her... a big mess (marker on the wall, she got it out of my purse) that I had to clean up... I made her go sit on her bed until I got it tidied up, etc. 

IMO spanking makes your kids fear you, and behave out of fear of you vs. understanding something is wrong/naughty. And time outs just don't work for us, a 2 minute time out turns into a half hour ordeal over something that isn't even that big of a deal? Because mine just gets up over and over and over again, and the more I put her back into time out, the more she cries etc


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## Monkei

If someone where to hit you they could end up in jail. 
Never ever will i hit my child, thats you becoming frustrated if i ever got that cross i would just walk away.
im going to do positive reinforcement and if shes naughty i will take her away from that situation to do something else. 
I cant say i will never do timeout but for extreem things i probably will. 
I was never hit, nor had timeout and i've never been 'naughty'


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## oOskittlesOo

I obviously haven't had my son yet so people can say I won't be thinking the same when he's here/older etc. BUT being abused by my dad growing up and coming out of an abusive relationship I can 100% say I will NOT be smacking/spanking
my son. I was so violent growing up, hitting my brothers, fighting in school, and where did I see it and ever think it was right from?! My dad.. Why did I let my FOB ever out his hands on me thinking it wouldn't happen again?! Because I'd seen it and had it done to me once again, by my dad.. :wacko: using violence is NEVER the answer IMO... All it will do as others said is cause the child to believe hitting is okay. :shrug: everyone has their opinions but I just don't think it's ever okay to put your hands on someone. Especially after your son or daughter has hit or decided to bite you. It just is really hypocritical...
As for time out- I think it needs to have a certain structure to it. Not the same time for every "bad thing" that is done, different for everything and keeping a structure. Talking starts time over, or crying because you're in trouble. 
My mom taught a parenting class and from hearing about what they did I really learned how I want to be with my son and other kids in the future. "Positive reinforcement" when he does something I ask him to telling him good job and giving him cuddles, when he does something he shouldn't sitting him down, talking to him firmly and making him understand WHY it isn't okay. Not just "because I said". Of course when he's still young it'll be more of just "no!" or hugs and loves for good things he does. But as he's older and starts asking "why" "why" "why" I want to have a reason for it, not just "because I'm the mom" or "because I said so".
To learn you make mistakes and you find out why it was wrong, little kids need to know why it isn't okay before they can learn, IMO


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## annawrigley

Skyebo said:


> I obviously haven't had my son yet so people can say I won't be thinking the same when he's here/older etc. BUT being abused by my dad growing up and coming out of an abusive relationship I can 100% say I will NOT be smacking/spanking
> my son. I was so violent growing up, hitting my brothers, fighting in school, and where did I see it and ever think it was right from?! My dad.. Why did I let my FOB ever out his hands on me thinking it wouldn't happen again?! Because I'd seen it and had it done to me once again, by my dad.. :wacko: using violence is NEVER the answer IMO... All it will do as others said is cause the child to believe hitting is okay. :shrug: everyone has their opinions but I just don't think it's ever okay to put your hands on someone. Especially after your son or daughter has hit or decided to bite you. It just is really hypocritical...
> As for time out- I think it needs to have a certain structure to it. Not the same time for every "bad thing" that is done, different for everything and keeping a structure. Talking starts time over, or crying because you're in trouble.
> My mom taught a parenting class and from hearing about what they did I really learned how I want to be with my son and other kids in the future. "Positive reinforcement" when he does something I ask him to telling him good job and giving him cuddles, when he does something he shouldn't sitting him down, talking to him firmly and making him understand WHY it isn't okay. Not just "because I said". Of course when he's still young it'll be more of just "no!" or hugs and loves for good things he does. But as he's older and starts asking "why" "why" "why" I want to have a reason for it, not just "because I'm the mom" or "because I said so".
> To learn you make mistakes and you find out why it was wrong, little kids need to know why it isn't okay before they can learn, IMO

I agree with all of this :D
I'm hoping to not use "Because I said so" but I'm sure I will :haha: I remember I used to love the 'why' game with my mum cos she insisted on giving proper answers to everything :rofl:
Loving your LO's middle name btw ;)


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## oOskittlesOo

Lol my mom never gave me a reason- always "because I said" it drove my crazy!! LOL . I know I'll say it atleast once but I hope I can get it out of my head because I know I hated it!! Haha I always thought if she didn't have a "real" reason she shouldn't say no!!
Ahaha I'm loving your sons name ;) my little brother passed away and his name was Noah so I've always loved loved loved it!


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## annawrigley

Skyebo said:


> Lol my mom never gave me a reason- always "because I said" it drove my crazy!! LOL . I know I'll say it atleast once but I hope I can get it out of my head because I know I hated it!! Haha I always thought if she didn't have a "real" reason she shouldn't say no!!
> Ahaha I'm loving your sons name ;) my little brother passed away and his name was Noah so I've always loved loved loved it!

Aww sorry to hear that, yeah it is a lovely name!


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## mayb_baby

I love the name Noah thowing that out there lol


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## Strawberrymum

My little girls names noa I love it!


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## QuintinsMommy

I said time outs, but Quin has a problem biting,hair pulling, smacking, pinching and so on so I have tried biting back and pulling hair back but that didn't work because he thought it was the best game ever and just would laugh and pull harder
time outs sometimes work for this but mostly just make him mad and want to do it more, and if i do timeout once hes off he will smack me and run over and hit my tv (which he knows is bad) 
ibut now I put him in his crib in walk away for 10 mins max when he acts like this and normaly he will calm down.


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