# First pregnancy with IC ~ Charlotte Mae 2/16/2011 ~ Lawyer update pg 7



## Semanthia

It has been over a week since we lost our daughter. I have spent this week mourning our loss and thinking through my pregnancy. This was my first pregnancy and we were so excited and yet so naive. I spent my first trimester terrified of having a miscarriage but I pushed that fear aside to tell friends and family. My husband and I made that decision because we were aware that something can happen at any time even after you deliver your baby. Anyways I would like to share my story, I feel like I had many chances at finding and fixing this before it was too late. If there is someone else out there with a story similar to mine I hope they read this and that it helps them. The biggest thing I have learned is trust your gut! I had many bad gut feelings and now that I look back I wish I had acted on them because now I am haunted by what ifs. I dont know if anything would have changed our outcome but I would have the comfort that everything was tried to prevent it. Please bear with me, Im starting from the beginning. 
I had some really crazy cycles at the end of 2009 through most of 2010. I went to my gyno for a check up to see what was wrong, after some tests everything came back normal. I decided that it was from being overweight (I gained a lot of weight when we moved away from friends and family to the twilight zone) and just the stress of everything going on in my life. After months of on and off bleeding and no real periods I just assumed I was not ovulating and decided to get some book on fertility since we wanted to start trying after our wedding in April 2011. Finally in August I had what I thought was a regular, normal period. My husband (we had a court house wedding) went out of state for work training while I was in the middle of my cycle. He then returned home at the end of September and I never saw my cycle again. I thought for sure my cycle was messed up again and towards the end of October I was experiencing some odd things along with some spotting and sometimes bleeding. I decided to call my gyno and get to the root of this because I didnt want to wait too long if it was something that would cause infertility. I decided to take a pregnancy test so that I could tell my doctor that I took one and it was negative when she asked if I could be pregnant. Much to my surprise there was two pink lines on the test immediately. I told my husband; although it wasnt planned we were excited and happy. We both thought since we had avoided getting pregnant for 6 years that this must be Gods way of telling us it is time.
So I called my doctor to set up an appointment and hopefully find out how far along I was. After much arguing with the nurse about how it was impossible for me to have conceived before Sept. 27th because I didnt have sex until then she agreed to schedule me for an ultrasound. So I went in for my ultrasound and found out I was 10 weeks and 6 days (which showed that we conceived after Sept 27th like I thought), the ultrasound tech noticed that I had a short cervix. Two weeks later (12weeks and 6 days) I had my normal monthly prenatal visit where I had to see this nurse practitioner who tells me about my short cervix. I asked her what that meant (this is my first and I know nothing about these kinds of things and who would without experiencing them or knowing someone who has) and she simply said It just means youre at risk of preterm labor. Youll need another ultrasound in four weeks to check it again. My check up continued and she couldnt find babys heart beat (although I felt she wasnt looking very hard and knew sometimes it is hard to find at 12 weeks). The nurse practitioner started freaking out and rushed me to the secretary to see if I could be squeezed in for a quick ultrasound and to schedule my next prenatal and check up ultrasound. I thought I scheduled my ultrasound and checkup for the same day and then was sent over to the other office for the ultrasound. After about an hour they were able to squeeze me in. The ultrasound tech seemed frazzled and rushed, she literally found the heart beat and shooed me out the door. I was on cloud nine after seeing my baby again and knowing that everything was ok. Plus we were leaving that afternoon to visit family for the holidays so I felt reassured that everything was fine. As time passed I started having this bad feeling that I should call and verify that my ultrasound was scheduled on the same day as my check up. I pushed it aside reassuring myself that they knew what they are doing and I was there she told the lady what I needed to schedule. I still had this bad feeling and was very nervous about my cervix. Around that time my morning sickness and fatigue had subsided and we had started having sex again, and once again that bad gut feeling came. I once again reassured myself that it was fine; all the books say it is fine unless your doctor tells you not to. However something felt wrong and both the sex and the ultrasound were nagging at me. Finally my appointment came and I finally was able to see my actual doctor. My doctor did her normal check up routine (which was more than the nurse practitioner did), towards the end of the appointment I was sure I wasnt having my ultrasound that day. So I mentioned to my doctor how I was told I had a short cervix and had been worrying about it for the last four weeks. She was unaware of this and had to look through my file and said yes I the nurse practitioner had put down that my cervix was short. I asked her how short and what was normal length and she was it was only a few cm short and that she wasnt too concerned they just wanted to see where it was at. As I was leaving I made my appointment for an ultrasound on top of my check up and 20 weeks ultrasound. The earliest they could get me in was when I was at 17 weeks and 5 days. So I went to my ultrasound and the tech was measuring my cervix but it looked like a long black tube. I wasnt sure what it was suppose to look like so I thought nothing of it. Before we left the tech slipped up and said that the doctor would be calling me so I knew something wasnt right. I went home and sat on google trying to ease my mind (even though I have been telling myself to stay off it because it only makes things worse), but I googled for an ultrasound of a cervix and a picture of a cervix came up, it pointed out the cervix and then funneling. I knew instantly my cervix was completely funneled based on that picture. I tried to relax. The next day I missed a call from my doctor although she tried to sound calm on my voice mail she sound very concerned and panicked. I tried calling her back but she was out of the office and had to wait to hear from her the next day. So as you can imagine my stomach was in knots and I knew this wasnt good. When she finally called me back she explained that my cervix was starting to open and she was concerned. I was sent to a specialist at 18 weeks. I went in not knowing I was going to be spending the night in the hospital. 
First I was given an ultrasound where they started the anatomy scan. We were told that it was a girl and that tech made was very friendly and made us feel at ease. I was then sent to a room where I waited for the specialist to come in she then performed a pelvic exam. I watched the panic set in and she explained that my cervix was about 2 cm dilated and that she could see the membranes. I instantly started to cry I knew this was bad and that baby wouldnt have a chance until 24 weeks. The specialist quickly explained how they could give me a cerclage, it wasnt a guarantee that it would keep me from going into labor but it was a chance that I could make it to the point where the baby would be viable. I agreed to it without hesitation, I knew that would give my baby the best chance of survival. I was told the risks and figured since they were saying I would most likely lose the baby if I didnt get it that I had nothing to lose. So they wheeled me over to the hospital, when we got to where we were suppose to go the girl at the desk said they had changed their mind and sent me to the maternity ward. In my gut I knew the surgeon did not want to give me the cerclage but I decided to try and relax until we were able to talk to her. I got settled in my room and all the nurses were talking like they expected me to give birth that day and it just made me feel like they were going to do it even more. The surgeon and some students and nurses came in and we talked about what was going on. They did yet another pelvic exam and one of the students basically shoved her whole hand up my hoo ha (ouch). They then re-explained what was going on, the surgeon sat down and described the cerclage and how that was an option but she was nervous of popping my amniotic sac and/or tearing my cervix making it more difficult to impossible for future pregnancies. Before they would do that they were going to perform an amniocentesis to make sure there wasnt an infection, they explained if there was an infection they would have me deliver immediately. So they performed the amnio, which most people say is painless or just a little uncomfortable and I am sure it depends on how good your doctor is but mine hurt pretty bad. The doctor who did it seemed like it was her first time and it didnt hurt until she reached my uterus. She was roughly moving the needle around in my uterus and it seriously felt like someone stabbed my uterus with a knife and kept trying to push it in further. What made matters worse was she over shot my uterus and had to pull it out (which was painless) and reinsert it (which was just as painful as the first time). I had some period like cramping and lower backache afterwards but it went away after about an hour and a half. When the doctor (who stuck me) came back to tell us the results, which were normal, she tells me the surgeon has decided to just wait and see how things go. I could tell by her sympathetic look and how she worded it that it meant she where just going to let me lose my baby. I stayed at the hospital overnight for observation. The surgeon was convinced I was having contractions even though I couldnt feel them and the contraction monitor wasnt picking ANYTHING up. I was told to pee in the cup thing hanging in the toilet just in case the baby came out. The next morning the surgeon came in to see how things were going and to tell me how she still thinks I am not a candidate for the cerclage and looked at me sympathetically like sorry youre going to lose you perfect, healthy baby. She told me if I make it to 22-23 weeks they would put me in the hospital and go from there but the chances Id make it there were almost none existent. However they were sending me home on strict bed rest with bathroom privileges. 
Ill shorten it up in here. I was on bedrest and everything was going great until 20 weeks and 6 days. I started having some light cramping and back ache, I assumed it was from laying on the couch and gas. As the cramps got more intense my back ache got more intense and spread to my hips (which felt like they were burning) I kept looking at the time to see if they were contractions but they were all over the place so I assumed since they werent regular like my doctor said that it was not contractions. Finally I told my husband and called my mom to see what she thought, she said to call my doctor because its better to be sent home because it was gas than to wait too long and have it be actual labor. Mean while my husband is already trying to get a hold of the doctor who was on call. He calls back and asks what was wrong I explained my pain to him and said it wasnt regular but I have been on bed rest for a few weeks because my cervix was dilated 2cm a few weeks ago. The doctor tells me Drink lots of water and keep your bladder empty and hopefully itll go away, my husband was not happy with that answer and told me to get ready to go to the hospital. My husband called the doctor right back and told him we were leaving to get to the hospital, the doctor told us he would call the hospital and tell them we were coming. On the car ride there my contractions where getting closer and more intense, half way there my water broke and I knew how it was going to end. When we got to the hospital no one knew we were coming and no one believed me when I said I was in labor (because I was only 20 weeks). So while my pain is getting more intense they are asking me a million questions they should have already had on file since my doctor said they would have it on file (back up one second I forgot to add that my doctor told us I let the whole team know your situation so if you call they will take your seriously, that made me feel very uneasy). I wont get into detail of all the stupid things they said and asked but the whole experience made me feel like it was their first birth EVER. They were not in a hurry at all and I told him exactly how I felt and that I have incompetent cervix and it was like they were listening to me. So I kind of yelled at the nurses the baby is in my vagina! I can feel her, finally the one nurse says well let me check you and she pulled her hand out surprised and told me she could feel the baby in the birth canal. UmmDUH!! So she very slowly gets things ready and sent the other slow one to get the delivery cart mean while I give birth to my daughter. They were surprised and still very slow about everything, and they obviously didnt see what time my daughter was born. My daughter laid in between my legs for almost 5 mins, they clamped the cord and cut it (without offering my husband to do it) I thought they were taking their time because she was dead. I seriously had to ask if she was alive, my husband was the only one who answered me. They finally asked me if I was interested in seeing her, ummof course!! And handed her to me saying you understand there is nothing we can do. I just said yes and took my beautiful daughter and stared at her in awe. They didnt wipe her face off, I kept waiting for them to wipe it off (I have no idea what they were doing) finally I insisted they wipe her face because the blood was drying on it. They tried but it was crusted on her face, I was pissed because I wanted to kiss her little face. They were able to get it off for pictures but they discolored her face doing it. They started poking me left and right to get my iv in (literally poked several times on both hands) and then the doctor came in had the nerve to ask So things got worse after we talked?, no they didnt I was in labor then and I just delivered my baby. His stupid question was not worthy of an answer. He then told me he was going to get the placenta out and that it would be very painful so I handed my daughter to my husband so that I didnt squash her if I tensed up in pain. It was painful but what was more painful was watching my husband from across the room crying because our daughter had died in his arms. I am very angry that he couldnt have waited and given us some time with her. What time I had with her was interrupted by the nurses finishing up questions and poking me and what not. I wish I had time with my daughter and husband. I am glad she was with her daddy when she passed but I wish I could have had that moment with him. I felt like the doctor was just digging my placenta out to get to done and go back to bed.
Oh I wanted to add in here that I have since read that I should not have been having sex with a short cervix (incompetent cervix) but no one told me that. I read several places that semen has a hormone that thins and dilates the cervix. 
Sorry that was so long but I wanted to make sure I included what I felt was the important part of my story.


----------



## Semanthia

Oh my I just saw how long it really is, WOW! Sorry girls.


----------



## angelandbump

I just wanted to say sorry for your loss... She is beautiful. I can not beliebe the way the hospital handled the whole situation! *shocking*!


----------



## sequeena

Semanthia, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter :hugs: It's absolutely shocking how the hospital looked after, or rather didn't look after you. I don't understand why you were told you would get a cerclage and then the surgeons telling you no. I can't believe they let you deliver into your underwear and left you like that for five minutes. It's horrendous you don't even know the time your baby was born because they were so incompetent. I am so sorry, she is beautiful :hugs:


----------



## cgweegee

Hi, I am so sorry to read of your loss of your beautiful daughter. I too am shocked reading about how it all was handled. You are in my thoughts. :hugs:


----------



## maggsy11

Charlotte Mae is absolutely perfect, I'm so sorry and so sad that you have been through this, and also angry at the way you and your husband where treated.
It is very early days for you both in this horrible journey, please try to take things easy.

Sending you love and strength for the coming days and weeks, I hope they are gentle on you both.

Also sending loads of floaty kisses to beautiful little Charlotte Mae xxxxxx Sleep Tight little one xxxx

xmagsx


----------



## lynz85

oh Semanthia what a traumatic experience for you and your family. The hospital failed you and your baby! My thoughts really are with you and beautiful little charlotte. Sleep tight angel x


----------



## Angelface

so so sorry fpr your loss hun, she is absolutely beautiful xx


----------



## Weeplin

I am so sorry for your loss hon, she is beautiful. You deserved so much better at the hospital. They way the have handled it is shocking. :hugs:


----------



## MrsT2B

Im so sorry for the loss of your daughter, she is truly beautiful.

I will say a little prayer for you and your family and hope the coming days are as gentle as can be

xxx


----------



## LittleAngel09

I'm so sorry for your loss. She is beautifull. xx :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: Sat here in tears :cry: so so tragic .. must be so upsetting , they treated u so badly, and now u are left with so many what if's!!...
massive hugs :hugs:
she is so beautifulXXX


----------



## wish2bmum

I'm truely so sorry for you and sad to read the trauma you went through. Your daughter is beautiful and that spcial moment, although with daddy which must be heartbreaking for you, is something you have to have comfort in. RIP little one and I wish you the strength you both need to pull through xxx


----------



## Lea8198

So so sorry to read this. Your baby girl is just perfect! What a joke the hospital/doctors/nurses were. They should be ashamed of themselves. I am thinking of you at this time xxx


----------



## catherine_xo

im so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter .. she is perfect. im sat here in tears after reading what you went through, i cannot believe the way you got treated i am so shocked! i lost my little girl at 21 weeks and it is the hardest thing to ever go through. i am thinking of you & your family so much .. sending you lots of love & strengh hun xxx

Sleeptight Charlotte-Mae xxx


----------



## tryin for #2

so so sorry for your loss :hugs:


----------



## lolly25

Im so sorry for your loss, your daughter is beautiful x x :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Deli

I'm so sorry to read of your loss. Your daughter is perfect. So beautiful.

An apology from the hospital will in no way compensate for what you are going through but you deserve one and if there is anyone there with any humanity, you will get one. Thinking of you.xxx


----------



## FEDup1981

What a dreadful experience for you and ur husband. I am so sorry for ur loss. Ur lil girl was perfect. Thinking of you :hugs: xxx


----------



## babyanise

so sorry hun,she is beautiful:hugs:


----------



## mamamay

I just am lost for words..... I am so sorry that this happened, your daughter is beautiful. I can't believe the treatment that you suffered, its just awful.

Massive higs to you xxxxxxxxx


----------



## baileykenz

ohh sweetie what an awful experience...
gorgeous little girl..
xx


----------



## XfairyhopesX

Im so so sorry what an awful ordeal, the hosp do not sound like they supported you nearly enough darl, god bless you beautiful angel xxx


----------



## BabyBoyle

Just read through this. What a horrific time you went through :(

I pray that you are never treated like that again!!

Your daughter is absolutely stunning, and a beautiful little angel now.

Thoughts are with you and your family. :( xxxx


----------



## Mellybelle

I am so, so sorry for your loss. Your story made me cry. 
Your treatment at the hospital is appalling and you should complain.
Charlotte is beautiful. xx Sleep Sweetly Angel xx


----------



## cindersmcphee

So sorry for your loss. Your daughter is beautiful. Take care.


----------



## secretbaby

I am so very sorry for your loss of your beautiful daughter Charlotte and at the shocking treatment you recieved by the hospital (((hugs))).

I know from my experience when I lost Billy I blamed myself (wrongly) now nearly two years on I know it was nothing I did or didn't do - it was that terrible phrase 'one of those things'. I did all I could to have a healthy pregnancy with Billy and yet my waters went suddenly without any warning (and I am not in any of the high risk factor categories) at 20.6 weeks after a fab pregnancy. Feeling guilty is part of grief but having read your story you have NOTHING to feel guilty about. 

Sending huge hugs x


----------



## lizziedripping

HI there hun, have just posted a reply to you over in gestational complications. There is hope sweet x


----------



## baileybram

sorry for your loss she is beautiful xxx


----------



## fairydreams

so sorry to hear of your loss and how you was treated at such a heartbreaking time. Thinking of you and your Dh, fly high Charlotte Mae, sweet dreams darling!

fairydreams :flower:


----------



## Luvmysunshine

So so sorry. Hugs and prayers for all of you.


----------



## mommy2lilmen

Im lurking. Just read your story. Your daughter is so beautiful. You said it with such meaning. It wasnt long, it was well written. I am sad for your loss. I am especially sad about the nurses, dr and staffs ignorance and total dumbness. You deserved better.:hugs:


----------



## tricky nicky

:hugs::hugs:


----------



## MrsRH

:hugs:
xxx


----------



## Sarah&Ady

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: So very sorry xxx


----------



## Rumpskin

Oh my goodness, you have been through so much heartache. Your daughter is beautiful.

My thoughts and prayers are with you xx


----------



## Neversaynever

So so so sorry :hugs:
You're daughter is beautiful. 
XxX


----------



## Semanthia

Thank you ladies for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers! I am so glad I have somewhere to go that is so supportive and to have women who understand what I am going through.
Also I'd like to say how sorry I am that any of us have had to go through this. Sometimes I feel like God ripped my heart out and stomped all over it but I understand that there is a greater reason than I will never understand on why he picked our little angels. 

Here is how my appointment today went (it's a little long):

the autopsy came back already and it showed the reason I went into labor was because I had an infection. Charlotte developed an infection in her lungs from the infected amnio fluid, the actual cause of death for her was pneumonia. Poor baby girl. Everything about her was perfect from her inner organs to her tiny fingers and toes. I asked the doctor why I was not given something to prevent an infection when they knew my sac was exposed. The doctor replied saying there isn&#8217;t much information on giving a preventative antibiotic that early.

I then asked her why I wasn&#8217;t offered the 17P injections (progesterone shots) and she replied saying that I was not a candidate at that time. Then she went on to explain how difficult it is to get insurance companies to cover it. Well I just happen to do some research and blue cross blue shield supposedly reimburses for the shots (of course I&#8217;d have to call BCBS to make sure that&#8217;s accurate) but even if they didn&#8217;t my daughter is worth the cost of the shots.

I asked her why I wasn&#8217;t checked again before 17 weeks when they knew at 10 weeks that my cervix was short and that it might be a problem. She explained that she was just following what the ultrasound lady (who is also an OB) said to do. She was like I&#8217;d have to look at the ultrasound report again but I&#8217;m pretty sure it said check again at 16/17 weeks. I then asked why they would wait that long if it was getting to the point where it was too late. The literature I have been reading on the cerclage is that it is best to have it done at 12-15 weeks. I also read that it usually becomes a problem (like dilating) at around 17 weeks and up. She just kind of repeated about her following her instructions and then went on about it they popped the sac then I wouldn&#8217;t have a chance to making it to a viable date. I understand that and I understood that when we were talking about it being an option at the Grand Rapids Hospital and guess what I agreed to it because I was told that I would lose the baby if I didn&#8217;t get it done and guess what I did. Plus my point was that there was a point where they could have found it and given me the cerclage before I was dilated 2cm.

I went on to ask her about the prostaglandins in semen that can cause the cervix to thin and dilate. She said that it was not a problem and wouldn&#8217;t have caused this. So I told her how that my sister thought that might be why she had one of her babies early and she is certain that is why she went into labor with the other 3 and the doctor was like well it has happened but it is very unlikely and there is usually an underlining problem that the prostaglandins or sex just pushed over the edge. So&#8230;if I already had a soft, weakened, incompetent cervix wouldn&#8217;t that be an underlining issue? I think so. I didn&#8217;t say that part to her although in hind sight I should have. I definitely think we should have been told to abstain for that particular activity until further notice.

I didn&#8217;t ask why the douch bag of a doctor had to dig my placenta out because she made a comment in the beginning about how she hadn&#8217;t read the file from that day (which mom thinks is a stall tactic). At my next appointment I&#8217;m going to ask her because I am pretty sure it was on its way out naturally. I have read about forcing the placenta out and it can cause hemorrhaging and other problem especially it a piece gets left behind. 

I am irritated that we didn&#8217;t get a few moments together as a family without being asked 20 questions, poked several times trying to get the IV in, or having my placenta dug out. I feel robbed on many levels. I didn&#8217;t get to have a normal, full pregnancy and I never will have a normal pregnancy. I didn&#8217;t get to have the excited announcement &#8220;It&#8217;s a girl&#8221; and I planned on buying a cute daddy&#8217;s girl outfit for David after we were told for sure. Which by the way we were told for sure in the autopsy, I was worried since they had trouble being able to tell. I thought the doctor was just saying it was girl because we told him that&#8217;s what we were told. I really didn&#8217;t want to give her a girl name and have it be a boy.

I can&#8217;t help wondering if those morons had given me preventative antibiotics that I might have made it to at least 24 weeks. It so weird to me because I feel like everything is laid out just so for a reason. Like my crazy cycles, my early ultrasound, etc but yet I wonder why God laid those out just to put me on a path with doctors who would fail to do anything. I have learned a lot but it hurts when I know what it cost me to learn these lessons. I will never have the same trust of a doctor and will probably have detailed consultations with any doctor I go to in the future.

The doctor was like well this usually isn&#8217;t caught this early. I know that and honestly it wasn't &#8220;caught&#8221; just observed. She didn&#8217;t say this in these words but she might as well and this is the general idea of what she said: that they wouldn&#8217;t do anything because they don&#8217;t want to classify it as incompetent cervix until I lose the baby. Again not her exact words but that&#8217;s basically her defense.


----------



## pip holder

:hugs: :hugs:

Thanks for sharing your beautiful daughter with us :cloud9:

I am so sorry about how you have been treated - read your update and what a load of BULL from the doctor :growlmad: she 'hadn't read the notes' from the day that your baby died :nope: total stall tactic.

I hope the next bit of time passes as gently as possible for you, and I think that you need to get more answers once you feel a little stronger.

Big hugs to you and Charlotte's daddy - fly high Princess :kiss::hugs:


----------



## MrsWez

:hugs: I'm sorry for you and Charlotte. IC is a terrible way to lose a baby. Please PM me if I can help in anyway.


----------



## SugarFairy

:hugs:
You were treated shockingly, and the Dr at your appointment this week sounds like she as stalling and making excuses. I hope you get some answers lovely.
Sending you both big hugs xx


----------



## rensben

Semanthia said:


> Thank you ladies for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers! I am so glad I have somewhere to go that is so supportive and to have women who understand what I am going through.
> Also I'd like to say how sorry I am that any of us have had to go through this. Sometimes I feel like God ripped my heart out and stomped all over it but I understand that there is a greater reason than I will never understand on why he picked our little angels.
> 
> Here is how my appointment today went (it's a little long):
> 
> the autopsy came back already and it showed the reason I went into labor was because I had an infection. Charlotte developed an infection in her lungs from the infected amnio fluid, the actual cause of death for her was pneumonia. Poor baby girl. Everything about her was perfect from her inner organs to her tiny fingers and toes. I asked the doctor why I was not given something to prevent an infection when they knew my sac was exposed. The doctor replied saying there isnt much information on giving a preventative antibiotic that early.
> 
> I then asked her why I wasnt offered the 17P injections (progesterone shots) and she replied saying that I was not a candidate at that time. Then she went on to explain how difficult it is to get insurance companies to cover it. Well I just happen to do some research and blue cross blue shield supposedly reimburses for the shots (of course Id have to call BCBS to make sure thats accurate) but even if they didnt my daughter is worth the cost of the shots.
> 
> I asked her why I wasnt checked again before 17 weeks when they knew at 10 weeks that my cervix was short and that it might be a problem. She explained that she was just following what the ultrasound lady (who is also an OB) said to do. She was like Id have to look at the ultrasound report again but Im pretty sure it said check again at 16/17 weeks. I then asked why they would wait that long if it was getting to the point where it was too late. The literature I have been reading on the cerclage is that it is best to have it done at 12-15 weeks. I also read that it usually becomes a problem (like dilating) at around 17 weeks and up. She just kind of repeated about her following her instructions and then went on about it they popped the sac then I wouldnt have a chance to making it to a viable date. I understand that and I understood that when we were talking about it being an option at the Grand Rapids Hospital and guess what I agreed to it because I was told that I would lose the baby if I didnt get it done and guess what I did. Plus my point was that there was a point where they could have found it and given me the cerclage before I was dilated 2cm.
> 
> I went on to ask her about the prostaglandins in semen that can cause the cervix to thin and dilate. She said that it was not a problem and wouldnt have caused this. So I told her how that my sister thought that might be why she had one of her babies early and she is certain that is why she went into labor with the other 3 and the doctor was like well it has happened but it is very unlikely and there is usually an underlining problem that the prostaglandins or sex just pushed over the edge. Soif I already had a soft, weakened, incompetent cervix wouldnt that be an underlining issue? I think so. I didnt say that part to her although in hind sight I should have. I definitely think we should have been told to abstain for that particular activity until further notice.
> 
> I didnt ask why the douch bag of a doctor had to dig my placenta out because she made a comment in the beginning about how she hadnt read the file from that day (which mom thinks is a stall tactic). At my next appointment Im going to ask her because I am pretty sure it was on its way out naturally. I have read about forcing the placenta out and it can cause hemorrhaging and other problem especially it a piece gets left behind.
> 
> I am irritated that we didnt get a few moments together as a family without being asked 20 questions, poked several times trying to get the IV in, or having my placenta dug out. I feel robbed on many levels. I didnt get to have a normal, full pregnancy and I never will have a normal pregnancy. I didnt get to have the excited announcement Its a girl and I planned on buying a cute daddys girl outfit for David after we were told for sure. Which by the way we were told for sure in the autopsy, I was worried since they had trouble being able to tell. I thought the doctor was just saying it was girl because we told him thats what we were told. I really didnt want to give her a girl name and have it be a boy.
> 
> I cant help wondering if those morons had given me preventative antibiotics that I might have made it to at least 24 weeks. It so weird to me because I feel like everything is laid out just so for a reason. Like my crazy cycles, my early ultrasound, etc but yet I wonder why God laid those out just to put me on a path with doctors who would fail to do anything. I have learned a lot but it hurts when I know what it cost me to learn these lessons. I will never have the same trust of a doctor and will probably have detailed consultations with any doctor I go to in the future.
> 
> The doctor was like well this usually isnt caught this early. I know that and honestly it wasn't caught just observed. She didnt say this in these words but she might as well and this is the general idea of what she said: that they wouldnt do anything because they dont want to classify it as incompetent cervix until I lose the baby. Again not her exact words but thats basically her defense.

Hello Semanthia,

First let me say that I am so very sorry for your loss. I have been following your story and I have to tell you that the treatment you recieved from the doctors/hospital makes me very angry.I too have IC and it was discovered in my first pregnancy at 20 weeks. My cervix had completely effaced and I was dilated to 1cm. The sac was bulging etc. My doctor to perform an emergency cerclage and I knew there was a risk of him popping the sac. Luckily he didn't and I carried my son for another 10 weeks on strict bed rest. I am so grateful to my doctor for having the guts to perform a risky surgery and I am horrified that your doctor didn't. I am pregnant with my second and just had a stitch put in at 15 weeks. I wish you the best of luck for future pregnancies. If you happen to come across another doctor who doesn't take your situation seriously and wants to wait and see how things go....RUN AWAY and find another doctor who has the courage to give you the care you deserve. god bless


----------



## AUGmum

This had me almost in tears. I am so sorry for your loss and i am praying for strength and comfort for you and your family.


----------



## georgina.miss

lots of love and hugs you are one VERY strong woman and i too am shocked at the way the hospital treated you i am so sorry. Stay strong she was very beautiful xxxx


----------



## Semanthia

Thank you for all your kind words. 
I have contacted a lawyer and I'm making sure I haven't forgotten anything before I send her my full summary of what happened. I don't know if I have a case but if I do it is not about money. If me pursuing legal recourse helps someone else out in the future than that is good enough for me. I want the doctors to be accountable for their actions (or lack of). Also just simply knowing that I have a case (if I do) against them will give me a little peace. I know that sounds weird that being told I was wronged would make me feel better but it would.


----------



## mommy2lilmen

:hugs: I am so sorry
You are doing the right thing with trying to get a case. I hope and pray you do. Those doctors need to know that they can not just follow a guideline or words of another dr. It upsets me when drs just do that and I have had my fair share of malpractice drs. Now it shows with your case and possibly others that drs do as taught, not by experience. Its quite funny because we raise our babies out of experience not out of a book, but drs do things out of a book.


----------



## FunToRun

I cant get over the way you were treated its just so awful.:hugs:


----------



## kmartin906

I agree, you are absolutely doing the right thing by receiving legal consult. You are going to prevent this from happening to someone else. 

Good luck, and lots of prayers for you and your family ...


----------



## Asha2at

I so sorry for your loss. I pray that you have peace in the coming days. I hope that the doctors are held accountable for their actions.


----------



## Sherri81

I am very sorry for your loss. 

I would love to hear what a lawyer has to say as I went through my own traumatic issues this past August, and lost my daughter Devon at 23 weeks 1, or 2, days (depends on which Dr you talk to).

I don't want to steal your thread and get into my own thing here, but I have often wondered if I should have sought/still seek, a lawsuit. I rethink my decision not to everytime I see the look of horror on another Drs face when I tell them what happened to me.

To put it succinctly, I felt I contracted an infection at the site of my McDonald cerclage at 21+4, after an internal scan and digital exam by my OB. She then went on vacation. Over the August long weekend I frequented a couple of ERs seeking antibiotics, but wasn't given any. Saw my GP on the Tuesday, by which time the discharge was worse and I was in sever pain. He denied I had an infection or that I was contracting, but he didn't even touch me while making this diagnosis. He arranged an ultrasound for the next day and he thought I might have a UTI as she was squeezing my ureter. He gave me antibiotics for that but not for the vaginal infection I knew I had. I continued contracting all night and at 5:30AM Thursday, I was in the ER bleeding, and with grey discharge dripping out of me. He finally admitted I had an infection, and gave me oral antibiotics and sent me home despite the frequent contractions. I begged him to call my OBs clinic as there were other OBs there, and he refused because 'he didn't deal with them.' I went back at 1:30PM, and a nurse finally felt my abdomen and said I was contracting. He still sent me home and told me to take Tylenol 3s and sleeping pills, and that he wouldn't help me anymore as I was still a week and a bit away from viability.

I went back at 9PMish, saw a different Dr, his cousin, and she also said no to helping me, and no to calling my OBs office. By this time I was dilated to 1cm, where I had previously had a 3cm long cervix 8 hours earlier... She finally did call the ambulance to transport me and by the time I got to my OBs hospital, the OB on call said I was in rough shape and he didn't know why I'd been left for so long...

Long story short, he tried to stop my contractions, and it worked for a bit, but I continued to dilate without contractions. Was flown to Vancouver, where she was born on August 7 and died 40 minutes after birth.

I am now back in my OBs hospital on bedrest, and recently, that OB who saw me in August has confided that I was one of the worst cases he'd seen.

The nurse who was on last night remembered me from that night. I don't remember her... She said she was traumatized by the shape I was in, screaming in constant pain and with grey stuff and blood pouring out of me. She said she's never been able to get it out of her head.

So I guess I was pretty bad.

I wonder sometimes if I should have gotten a lawsuit for that, but I was unsure of what a lawyer would say. Then I got pregnant and I couldn't handle the stress of a lawsuit even if I did have a case. Thankfully I have like 2 years to file, so there is some time. I'm just curious if lawyer's handle issues like these...

Please update when you can...


----------



## Semanthia

Sherri81 said:


> I am very sorry for your loss.
> 
> I would love to hear what a lawyer has to say as I went through my own traumatic issues this past August, and lost my daughter Devon at 23 weeks 1, or 2, days (depends on which Dr you talk to).
> 
> I don't want to steal your thread and get into my own thing here, but I have often wondered if I should have sought/still seek, a lawsuit. I rethink my decision not to everytime I see the look of horror on another Drs face when I tell them what happened to me.
> 
> To put it succinctly, I felt I contracted an infection at the site of my McDonald cerclage at 21+4, after an internal scan and digital exam by my OB. She then went on vacation. Over the August long weekend I frequented a couple of ERs seeking antibiotics, but wasn't given any. Saw my GP on the Tuesday, by which time the discharge was worse and I was in sever pain. He denied I had an infection or that I was contracting, but he didn't even touch me while making this diagnosis. He arranged an ultrasound for the next day and he thought I might have a UTI as she was squeezing my ureter. He gave me antibiotics for that but not for the vaginal infection I knew I had. I continued contracting all night and at 5:30AM Thursday, I was in the ER bleeding, and with grey discharge dripping out of me. He finally admitted I had an infection, and gave me oral antibiotics and sent me home despite the frequent contractions. I begged him to call my OBs clinic as there were other OBs there, and he refused because 'he didn't deal with them.' I went back at 1:30PM, and a nurse finally felt my abdomen and said I was contracting. He still sent me home and told me to take Tylenol 3s and sleeping pills, and that he wouldn't help me anymore as I was still a week and a bit away from viability.
> 
> I went back at 9PMish, saw a different Dr, his cousin, and she also said no to helping me, and no to calling my OBs office. By this time I was dilated to 1cm, where I had previously had a 3cm long cervix 8 hours earlier... She finally did call the ambulance to transport me and by the time I got to my OBs hospital, the OB on call said I was in rough shape and he didn't know why I'd been left for so long...
> 
> Long story short, he tried to stop my contractions, and it worked for a bit, but I continued to dilate without contractions. Was flown to Vancouver, where she was born on August 7 and died 40 minutes after birth.
> 
> I am now back in my OBs hospital on bedrest, and recently, that OB who saw me in August has confided that I was one of the worst cases he'd seen.
> 
> The nurse who was on last night remembered me from that night. I don't remember her... She said she was traumatized by the shape I was in, screaming in constant pain and with grey stuff and blood pouring out of me. She said she's never been able to get it out of her head.
> 
> So I guess I was pretty bad.
> 
> I wonder sometimes if I should have gotten a lawsuit for that, but I was unsure of what a lawyer would say. Then I got pregnant and I couldn't handle the stress of a lawsuit even if I did have a case. Thankfully I have like 2 years to file, so there is some time. I'm just curious if lawyer's handle issues like these...
> 
> Please update when you can...

 I am so sorry for you loss and your horrible experience. :hugs: I think you should go speak with a lawyer. 
I talked to my parents before I made the decision to talk with a lawyer and their advice was:
A good lawyer will do a free consultation and may not charge anything until you win (if they feel you have a case).
I happen to find a lawyer who has been in medical malpractice law for 25 years and has won some very big cases. He is named one of the top medical malpractice lawyers in my state. They provide a free case evaluation and no fee unless you win. So do your research on good lawyers near you, mine covers a lot of areas not just surrounding areas. You will never know unless you ask and the worse they can say is that they don't have enough supportive evidence to go further with your case. I do have to send them my prenatal medical records, so if you decide to pursue this you might want to get a copy of your medical records.

I wasn't sure I wanted to do this. The thought had popped in my head a few times after the initial shock of things wore off. I then had a few friends who were angry about my over all treatment ask if I plan to seek legal recourse. I said probably not. I kind of brushed it off and went about my life. I keep having this nagging feeling about it and if there is one thing I learned from my experience it is follow your gut. It's God's way of telling you something, don't ignore it. I keep thinking what if part of my baby girls purpose was to bring light to this issue or what if they hospital/doctor are ignoring (i feel like that is basically what they did) other issues. I need to help make her purpose meaningful, if I don't at least find out if we have a case or not, I will never know and will feel like I've let her down.

I think I might start a blog about my experience and my future pregnancies for women who are also experiencing the same thing, especially if we go to court over this.


----------



## lottie_2007

So sorry for you loss :hugs: xx


----------



## mialou09

Thank you for sharing your experience. Your daughter is beautiful!! 
The treatment from the hospital, doctors and sonographers is nothing short of disgusting! They failed you, your husband and baby Charlotte. 
Your all in my thoughts xxx


----------



## twinklestar

I'm so sorry for your loss and for how you have been treated

x x x


----------



## SarahJane

Sorry for your loss and the treatment you received :hugs:

Your little girl is beautiful x


----------



## kam78

Charlotte is absolutely beautiful... Reminds me of my Emma.. 

It's been 6 days and counting since she was taken from me........

I can not believe the treatment you recieved, completely disgusts me.. (( Big Hug!! ))


----------



## fluffpuffin

so sorry for what you had to go through and how badly you were dealt with :cry:


----------



## Nini868

Just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss and the treatment that you received, absolutely horrific. If you do go ahead with your case, then from what I've read, you sound like a very strong woman and I hope you get the result you are after and prevent this happening to another woman. My thoughts are with you and your family xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

I am SO sorry for what you have been through it is disgusting :cry: I want to say thank you for sharing our info, it my help so many others.
xoxoxoxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Elakizim

justice must be done! this is shoking! your poor loves, shes gorgeous and im sure she is getting well looked after by the angles x bless your hearts, sending you hugs x 

i hope they pathetic people that were supposed to look after you get done for this, although i no it wont bring your hunny back, justice will be done xxxx


----------



## Jaxvipe

:hugs: :hugs: I am so sorry for your loss


----------



## bornthiswayxo

Sorry for your loss my dear... Charlotte is beautiful. :)
<3


----------



## Ilyjaylen2011

So sorry about all you have been through. Your story is very similar to my own. I suffered a ruptured appendix which caused my loss. A couple of days after surgery, I went for an ultrasound and was told that my cervix was shortened & that I was also 2cm dialated. I was not a candidate for cerclage because of risk of infection what with the rupture and all. So pretty much the doctors told me to sit and wait, but that they were sure my pregnancy would not last much longer. Sure enough, my water broke when I was 17 weeks. The next day I was induced. 

You aren't alone & I'm here if you need to chat. Xoxo


----------



## Khadijah-x

What a awful hospital! 
At a time like that you should be left alone to cuddle your precious little girl, not them being half soaked and dragging things on, just get out and leave me alone already, thats how you felt! :(

Im sooooo sorry for your loss. Your so strong and your beautiful little girl will be very proud of u! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

shes in heaven looking after my little angels :) x


----------



## MiissDior

I am so sorry for your loss
your thread was on my unread posts thing at very top 
and having lost my Daughter at 42wks
I felt it was just respectful to pay my respects to you and your family

Thinking of you darling
so sorry to read you threated way you did
and lost your little girl how you did too..
I lost my daughter by hosp negligance.. 
really hope you get the justice you deserve 

Lots of Love xx​


----------



## mojobear

So sorry for your loss x


----------



## Abblebubba

:hugs:


----------



## Missy86

Im sorry for your loss


----------



## Alisa F

Semanthia said:


> Thank you for all your kind words.
> I have contacted a lawyer and I'm making sure I haven't forgotten anything before I send her my full summary of what happened. I don't know if I have a case but if I do it is not about money. If me pursuing legal recourse helps someone else out in the future than that is good enough for me. I want the doctors to be accountable for their actions (or lack of). Also just simply knowing that I have a case (if I do) against them will give me a little peace. I know that sounds weird that being told I was wronged would make me feel better but it would.

I can&#8217;t begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Our little angels are in heaven looking after each other. 

If you have the emotional strength to take legal action I hope you go through with it. Every day I hate myself for not taking legal action for a similar experience I had to yours. But I&#8217;m trapped because I desperately want to have another baby and need to go to the same hospital and fear that I will get even worse treatment if I&#8217;m taking legal action against them. 

You are in my thoughts and prayers xxx


----------



## Semanthia

I finally received a letter from the lawyer today and he has decided to close the case. The ob/gyn expert they consulted with said I did not receive the standard care I should have. At my 10 week 6 day ultrasound when they saw I had a shortened cervix I should have been referred to a specialist and I should have been checked again 2 weeks later not 7 weeks later. However the literature on the cerclage is so controversial that they don't feel that they can prove the outcome would have been different if the cerclage had been placed. This is not what I wanted to hear but have to accept it. I thought it would make me feel better just to be told that I had been wronged but it doesn't. I am glad I have this information though because I plan on writing my doctor a letter and will be letting her know I went to a lawyer who took time to review my medical records with an ob/gyn expert and they feel she did not provide me with standard medical care. I can not look through my medical records because it causes so much anger and honestly hatred towards the doctors I dealt with. I have honestly never experienced anger and hatred like this before, I know it is bad and I need to forgive but I struggle. I am a religious person and often ask God to give me the strength to forgive and not feel these nasty emotions of anger, hatred, jealousy... They managed to continue proving what IDIOTS they are to me after the matter. They left things out and worded for themselves. They even fubbed up the time of birth and time of death and there is a conversation in my medical records of the stupid doctor (who dug out my placenta) and the medical records department basically asking each other why the family wanted the time changed and that if the death time was at 1:35am then the birth MUST have been at 1:30am and that is what we are complaining about. NO NO you morons NO! She was born at 1:14am and took her last gasp and movement at around 1:35ish. The doctor didn't even look at her let alone check to see if she was dead or not he assumed she was dead 5 mins after birth. My husband was holding her when she died and it was very obvious she gasped and moved one last time and then shortly after that started to feel cold. It may seem like a stupid thing to care about but it means a lot to me to give my daughter's life the acknowledgment it deserves!!


----------



## Nikki_d72

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the terrible treatment you received at that hospital. I hope you find some small satisfaction in telling them they were found lacking by a peer and I wish you gentler days ahead. I hate how little they often listen or beleive us.

xxx


----------



## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry. It is such a sad thing to go through, made even sadder by hospital staff that forget, that behind their patient, is a mother who has just lost her baby. I am so sorry. Your Charlotte is just beautiful. Lots of hugs, and prayers for your healing and peace.


----------

