# Self esteem issues :(



## Romanae

My little man is now three months old and I really hate my postpartum body :( I've always been a bit on the larger side with a bit of a poochy tummy, and it was hard enough accepting that. But since I got pregnant I have the worst stretch marks I've ever seen. I've been told my stomach looks like I was mauled by a dog - they said it as a joke but honestly, it really does look that way. I have five huge stretch marks either side of my bellybutton, all of them about three cm wide. I also have stretch marks on my hips, the small of my back and the inside of my thighs. I even have one HUGE one going down from just below by bellybutton to down past my pantyline that's about 4 cm! 

Plus there's the fact that I had third degree tearing so there's a fair amount of scarring, you know, "down there".

I think a big reason I hate my body so much right now is that my lo's Dad basically made it clear to me that since I'd had a baby I was no longer attractive to him. I've been looking for another guy but it seems like as soon as they see what I look like under my clothes they dissappear. I just want some body confidence but it's really difficult knowing that while these stretchmarks are slowly fading they will never go away. I feel like having a baby has completely ruined me for any guy and guys are doing nothing to disprove this, and while I don't depend on guys finding me hot to help my self image, I'm at an all time low right now and it would really help if guys weren't acting like I was a burns victim, or something.

I hate being (just) nineteen and feeling like I have a worse body than the 38 year old that I know who gave birth a month before me.. with zero stretch marks or tearing. 

Is anyone else worried about this stuff? Sorry for the long post but there's really nobody I can talk to irl about this. I generally make jokes about it so people don't know how vain I really am.


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## jozylynn896

I know how you feel. Luckily for me my oh thinks I'm super sexy. 
Your oh kind of sounds lime an ass no offence. He should think it's sexy that you just pushed his baby out of ypur crotch! 
All I can say is, you just did the most beautiful thing in the world. 
I have suuuuch thick stretch marks and I was embarrassed by them and I thought "How am i gonna go to the beach after he's born? !" But now I dare someone to look at my stretch marks funny. Haha. I can just say "get back to me when you've pushed a 9 pound human out of your vagina!" 
You could follow me on instagram. I have pics of my big ol pregnant stratchmarks!


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## jozylynn896

@Kristinajozlyn


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## skyesmom

jozylynn896 said:


> I know how you feel. Luckily for me my oh thinks I'm super sexy.
> Your oh kind of sounds lime an ass no offence. He should think it's sexy that you just pushed his baby out of ypur crotch!
> All I can say is, you just did the most beautiful thing in the world.
> I have suuuuch thick stretch marks and I was embarrassed by them and I thought "How am i gonna go to the beach after he's born? !" But now I dare someone to look at my stretch marks funny. Haha. I can just say "get back to me when you've pushed a 9 pound human out of your vagina!"
> You could follow me on instagram. I have pics of my big ol pregnant stratchmarks!

you rock girl!! and OP, if your OH dares telling you something about you not being attractive, remind him YOU did the hard job for all THREE of you... and also remind him of the hairs he has around his asshole, the loose skin on his scrotum, all those tiny "flaws" people often find "disgusting" when they're absolutely normal... and that you don't shovel in his face every time you see him.


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## Jennymuffin

Hey now, remember that those scars are a mark of something you have that others don't: the experience of being a mommy!

And let me tell you, I'm 5'1" 100 lbs, with a fit but not flat body, and I've been left for/cheated on five times with women who were "poochy" (and beyond), just because they seemed to have bigger butts or whatever. Conventional "attractiveness" really doesn't matter as much as we think, I bet you have more than one thing that is beautiful about only you.


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## Dream.dream

In know its hard , I had my son at 16 and was bigger to Begin with and got horrible stretch marks . I had very low self esteem because of abusive relations ships 

Do have to say though self esteem doesn't come from what you look like on the outside or what any guy thinks of you it comes from you being okay with who you are as a person . I went and did counseling and courses and built up my self esteem and now I've been to the beach in a bikini with my bit of extra tummy and stretch marks and I don't care 

Also if you have lower self esteem your gunna attract the wrong kind of guy who's going to be a jerk and just care about what you look like , the right person will love you no matter what you look like but you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. 

Keep your chin up


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## skyesmom

Dream.dream said:


> you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.

couldn't have said it better myself!!!:thumbup:


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## Romanae

Thankyou to everyone for your replies :) Honestly I really don't know my son's Dad too well - we've known each other for years but hadn't had a conversation in over a year when I drunkenly fell pregnant :p So when you say, remind him of his imperfections.. Honestly the only thing I can think of is that he sleeps with girls like every weekend, and he would not take that as an insult :p




skyesmom said:


> Dream.dream said:
> 
> 
> you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
> 
> couldn't have said it better myself!!!:thumbup:Click to expand...

What, really? So I've had severe depression and self esteem issues ever since I can remember - I literally remember being about six or seven, and falling asleep crying and wishing to be a teenager, when I would magically no longer be fat and ugly of course. So does this mean every meaningful relationship I've ever had has meant nothing? That I've never been loved? No, it does not. It just means I can be rather awful at accepting that love. Please don't tell me I have to love myself before I will be loved because it demeans every relationship I've ever had before, and considering it's not something you can fix like a pair of glasses that have been sat on, it would most definitely be a while until I'll be all bliss happy rahrahrah. Not trying to be mean, just saying so that in the future you know how it feels when you say that to someone with issues :)

Good lord I hope Devon doesn't inherit the things going on in my head


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## mayb_baby

I'm 22, my little boy is 2.2years. I weigh 110lbs, I'm 5ft2 I have 'love handles and muffin top'. I have had food issues since I was 15 and go through highs and lows since having my son of 112-90lbs. 

I have stretch marks on my tummy 3 above my bellybutton and loads below, they are on my thighs inner and outer, boobs and I have one where you would have a 'Brazilian strip' :dohh: 
My stomach is like the stomach of a 90year old. I DON'T love them and am not proud of 'my tiger stripes' :haha:
I have faded and shrunk them with the sunbeds but I am learning to live with them.
I had an episiotomy and have scarring down there too :flower.

My advise would be to do things that make you feel attractive, be it diet, get your hair/nails done, sunbeds whatever makes you happy and focus on your image for a while. Not guys perception, if you don't like what you see do what you can to make yourself more comfortable in your own skin. 

I had a post like this after my son I was 119lbs in January 2011 and joined slimming world until I got to 105lbs, I started sunbeds and spinning classes along with walking loads with my son. 

As I said I am bigger now than I have been at times in the last 2 years but I am at peace with my body and no longer hate it.

If you have been depressed for so long about your body size and you don't love yourself and think it's wrong for people to tell you you need to love yourself, then you need to make a change. 
I'm sure in your 'meaningful relationships' you were happy and when you are happy you don't hate yourself it doesn't mean you have never been loved it means you were content and now your not.

Rather than ranting about not feeling happy or stating you can't love yourself why not take positive steps to achieving this, see a doctor/councillor and get help with depression. If you have had help that failed before try again you are only 19 and you now have a very important person in your life who will need and want a happy mother.

:hugs::hugs:


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## Dream.dream

Romanae said:


> Thankyou to everyone for your replies :) Honestly I really don't know my son's Dad too well - we've known each other for years but hadn't had a conversation in over a year when I drunkenly fell pregnant :p So when you say, remind him of his imperfections.. Honestly the only thing I can think of is that he sleeps with girls like every weekend, and he would not take that as an insult :p
> 
> 
> 
> 
> skyesmom said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dream.dream said:
> 
> 
> you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you.
> 
> couldn't have said it better myself!!!:thumbup:Click to expand...
> 
> What, really? So I've had severe depression and self esteem issues ever since I can remember - I literally remember being about six or seven, and falling asleep crying and wishing to be a teenager, when I would magically no longer be fat and ugly of course. So does this mean every meaningful relationship I've ever had has meant nothing? That I've never been loved? No, it does not. It just means I can be rather awful at accepting that love. Please don't tell me I have to love myself before I will be loved because it demeans every relationship I've ever had before, and considering it's not something you can fix like a pair of glasses that have been sat on, it would most definitely be a while until I'll be all bliss happy rahrahrah. Not trying to be mean, just saying so that in the future you know how it feels when you say that to someone with issues :)
> 
> Good lord I hope Devon doesn't inherit the things going on in my headClick to expand...

It's referring to romantic relationships . yes your parents and your family love you they always will no matter what. However you any go and expect a romantic relationship to make you feel better about yourself you have to find a way to love yourself for who you are and have it not w dependent on what some one else thinks of you. If you look for that kind of thing you'll attract the wrong kind of men . 

I really suggest that if its been that ongoing you look into counseling . There is lots of really good people who will help you work through the issues so you can feel good about yourself again.


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## x__amour

Just remember what you have sacrificed for. It will get better. :hugs:


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## Romanae

Again, thanks to everyone who has posted :) 

I'd just like to say that I've been to counselling. I've tried many combinations of many prescriptions. I've done everything possible to help myself. Unfortunately it's not some magic cure-all. So while I do these things it doesn't mean that I'm magically better. While of course it will be nice to be ableto accept myself as I am it doesn't mean that I can't be in love, or anything else - as long as I am not using those things to assure myself that other people think I'm pretty. So, to all who said try counselling or whatever - trust me, i didn't just feel a bit crap and decide to go whine on the internet about it. I'm trying to get better, it's just not happening for me yet and I really needed to let it all out to someone who wasn't paid to listen to me :L


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## skyesmom

Romanae said:


> Again, thanks to everyone who has posted :)
> 
> I'd just like to say that I've been to counselling. I've tried many combinations of many prescriptions. I've done everything possible to help myself. Unfortunately it's not some magic cure-all. So while I do these things it doesn't mean that I'm magically better. While of course it will be nice to be ableto accept myself as I am it doesn't mean that I can't be in love, or anything else - as long as I am not using those things to assure myself that other people think I'm pretty. So, to all who said try counselling or whatever - trust me, i didn't just feel a bit crap and decide to go whine on the internet about it. I'm trying to get better, it's just not happening for me yet and I really needed to let it all out to someone who wasn't paid to listen to me :L

hey love, i really admire your effort and courage you are putting into feeling better. therapy of any kind, be it self-therapy or assisted, takes AGES to work. those are baby steps my dear. as you've said, there is no magic cure-all. there's just a million of invisible baby steps made each day that you don't even notice that you're making... and you see your improvement only over time.

i used to have an ED (eating disorder) in my teens and it took me good 5 years to get my head fixed after i've stopped with my self-destructive behavior (so officially my clinical symptoms were gone after 2 years but i was still unwell in my head for another 5!). it just takes a LOOOOT of time.

but i am sure you will slowly make it! although it can feel quite discouraging and people around you fail to empathize completely... :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## emmaajuliee

Reading that is like my life to the T!

I used be be a size 10 before i had my LG, now im up to a 12/14, jelly belly, LOADS of stretch marks (belly is covered, hips, back of my arms, on my legs all the way to my knees and i have the same one going from my belly button just past my pubic line).

I cant really give you any advice on the matter, because I feel the same way about my body. But i just thought you should know your not on your own babes! xxxxxxx


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## StephanieRose

I know exactly how you feel! I had my LO 5 weeks ago and I HATE my body, it is covered with stretch marks, all over my boobs, tummy, hips, butt, thighs, inner thighs and even my calf muscles and under my arms! Its horrible. Not to mention all the lose skin that makes my tummy look wrinkly and saggy! I have always been very slim before getting pregnant, and did modelling so I felt as if I used to look good. But now after having my son Koby I'm scared of getting changed in fitting rooms even just in case the door flung open and someone saw how I looked. 
Me and my sons dad broke up when I got pregnant, but now I'm starting things with a new guy and I feel like I'll never want to show him what my body looks like, ever.. I'm so ashamed of it. I won't even let him but his hand on my tummy because it's soft and pudgy now. And he always asks me to go to the hot pools but I feel like I'll never wear a bikini again in my whole life. 
I had started my career in modelling and now it's like I have to quit that whole thing because of the way I look. 
I also had an episiotomy and got 16 stitches, but one of them tore and I am now on antibiotics to try get it to re-heal itself, and if It doesn't I have to go to the hospital for surgery, I have been told that I must check it every day with a mirror though to see its progress and whether or not things are getting better or worse, I get in tears almost every time I look down there, I don't see how any guy would find that attractive any more. 
Also I had to stop breastfeeding because my son wasn't getting enough from my milk and it seems now my boobs have deflated! and gone saggy!
With all of this, I feel like I NEVER want to take my clothes off EVER or a guy will run 100 miles!


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## skyesmom

StephanieRose said:


> I know exactly how you feel! I had my LO 5 weeks ago and I HATE my body, it is covered with stretch marks, all over my boobs, tummy, hips, butt, thighs, inner thighs and even my calf muscles and under my arms! Its horrible. Not to mention all the lose skin that makes my tummy look wrinkly and saggy! I have always been very slim before getting pregnant, and did modelling so I felt as if I used to look good. But now after having my son Koby I'm scared of getting changed in fitting rooms even just in case the door flung open and someone saw how I looked.
> Me and my sons dad broke up when I got pregnant, but now I'm starting things with a new guy and I feel like I'll never want to show him what my body looks like, ever.. I'm so ashamed of it. I won't even let him but his hand on my tummy because it's soft and pudgy now. And he always asks me to go to the hot pools but I feel like I'll never wear a bikini again in my whole life.
> I had started my career in modelling and now it's like I have to quit that whole thing because of the way I look.
> I also had an episiotomy and got 16 stitches, but one of them tore and I am now on antibiotics to try get it to re-heal itself, and if It doesn't I have to go to the hospital for surgery, I have been told that I must check it every day with a mirror though to see its progress and whether or not things are getting better or worse, I get in tears almost every time I look down there, I don't see how any guy would find that attractive any more.
> Also I had to stop breastfeeding because my son wasn't getting enough from my milk and it seems now my boobs have deflated! and gone saggy!
> With all of this, I feel like I NEVER want to take my clothes off EVER or a guy will run 100 miles!

Steph love, your pelvis was also cracked for gods sake, you body needs WAY more then 5 weeks to recover after it. and you are young and your skin can still recover and become firm again. but not in 5 weeks. your stitch still has to heal. and it's good u have somebody new, and it's good that he understands that a female body can't always bounce back in 5 weeks only.

in any case with that kind of wound down there i wouldn't risk a hot bath for a long while (and not because of how your body looks!) until that's healed for good. you are still a hormone bomb and until those settle (when u stop breastfeeding completely and so on) it's gonna be hard getting the body back as u knew it... but it's not impossible. it just takes time.


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## tinkerbelle93

I know how you feel but give yourself time! When it's only been a matter of months things may well not be back to normal but trust me it gets better! 

Stretchmarks fade quite a bit over time and so does the scarring down there. I had a big episiotomy and although it feels a teeny bit hard, it is not visible and my OH has never even noticed any difference at all. 20 months old everything is back to normal down there, it just took a while. Your tummy will shrink and the weight will start to fall off, especially when you have an energetic toddler to run round after! Give yourself some time, it takes most women a long time to get back to normal. It takes 9 months of pregnancy for your body to get like that, so it's not going to be normal again in less than that amount of time. 

xx


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## skyesmom

oh and by the way, the stretch marks are also way more visible due to your hormones now. but they'll fade out trust me! one of my best friends had tons of them and they were really dark but now they're gone! :S oh the joys of the human body chemistry!


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