# Personal experiences about adoption (esp. in UK and international adoption)



## Lunabelle

Our IVF baby is now turning two and we really would like a sibling for her. We have one frozen embryo, but if that one doesn't work we have been considering adoption. 

It has always been on our minds, and my pregnancy and birth were very difficult. I had liver problems, which can be made worse by the IVF drugs. So I don't feel IVF is really the right route for us to proceed. 

I know adoption can look quite different in many countries and I would love to hear about adoption in UK especially or those who have gone through international adoption. 

I have a few concerns about adoption:

1) forced adoption in UK
my main concern is that the child will have been through trauma and neglect. Weather that is not getting the correct nutrients they need during pregnancy, to abuse and even sexual abuse during childhood.

I worry about how for example sexual abuse would affect our existing child. 

In england from what I have read, I am under the impression that a fair number of children placed for adoption are children who have been taken away from their parents. This is a horrible trauma for the child. I am not at all comfortable with the idea that the parents would have been forced to give their child up for adoption. Any personal experiences on this? 

2) human traficking in international adoption
Human traficking is a real issue that does not get enough attention. Similarly to forced adoption, I could not bear the thought of taking someone child that was in fact kidnapped. 

What precautions have you done to avoid this? How hard is it to know the agency is reputable. Even if the children are placed in a orphanage that does not guarantee they haven't been kidnapped. I think I would really need to meet the parents, does this happen with international adoption? 

3) the early years
Having studied psychology, I know how important the early years are in a childs development. I also know a stable environment can make it OK for kids who have gone through trauma and do feel we could provide this for a child. So in that sense I am torn between adopting an older child and a baby. 

Is it completely impossible to adopt a baby in UK? 

4) extended family
What did your extended family think about the adoption? Have they accepted the children as their own? Did you have anyone in the extended family against the idea? 

I am mainly worried about my mum as she has told us not to pursue adoption. And she already compares my baby and my sisters baby eventhough we have asked her not to. She doesn't mean harm with it, but I don't want my child to feel like she is constantly compared to her cousin or that it's always a competition. She will say things like your baby is always happy, but he is more serious. I think she could say your baby is a very happy smiling baby. He is serious and likes exploring and investigating like a scientist. She is still describing what they are like and saying the same thing, but without the comparison. The comparison automatically makes you think which one is better. Children are quick to pick up on things like this. I worry about what she would be like with the adopted child and how that would affect their confidence. 

Anyone with experiences about open adoption in UK? I really like the idea about this, as the child would know their family and medical history and would always know the reasons they were placed for adoption. Can you have open adoption in the case of a forced adoption? 

Thanks for any help while we ponder with these thoughts. I would also love to hear about any experiences regarding adoption.


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