# i keep it all inside



## kat132

hey everyone,

I have 2 beautifil boys and dont get me wrong, i love them to bits but my 2nd pregnancy was so different from my 1st i was sure i was having a girl. When the doctor told me it was another boy i waiting till i got home and cried so much it hurt........:cry::cry:

The rest of the pregnancy i tried to come round to the fact that i was having another boy. Me and my OH had already agreed that this was our last so it was even harder knowing that i will never have the little girl i wanted. 

Our lil man is fab and i love him so much but i hear of my friends having girls and sometimes i look at him and wonder what he would have looked like if he had been a girl etc. I feel terrible everytime i have these thoughts because he is here and i shouldnt be thinking what if.............

Just needed to let this out as i have not told anyone about this. My OH would be so upset if i told him how i feel sometimes:nope:.......thanks for reading


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## ILoveYouZandT

Aww I'm so sorry you feel like this! I definitely fear this may be how I feel eventually if this baby is another boy (have 2 already). I honestly don't have any advice for you though, as I have not gotten to this point and am still holding onto some hope our final baby could be a girl (though very doubtful). 

Could you maybe seek a little counselling advice?! Or do you have a close family member of friend you could confide in?

I know for me I kind of play this whole gender thing off as a joke.. If this baby is our third boy I don't think anyone will know just how depressed I'll be about it. But I think definitely talking to someone will help.

:hugs:


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## Kitten-B

:hugs:

I feel pretty much the same, except I'm still pregnant with my second boy.

How old is your youngest? I do worry that I'm going to feel sad about this even when baby is here. I haven't told anyone (except this forum) either as I think I'd regret admitting it - it's just such a taboo thing to say. Haven't even told anyone outside the GD forum that it is a boy - not ready to!

I have come round a wee bit. I'm thinking I don't need to say that this definitely means I'll never have a daughter. We are dead set on only having 2 as well, but I've decided to remove the certainty (just in my mind- haven't told DH but I honestly think he wouldn't mind) of only having 2 and say I'll make that decision when this little man is 2 or 3 years old. Makes me feel better looking at it that way. It doesn't have to be set in stone today.


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## xtlcx

I know exactly how you feel. I've already got two boys from a previous relationship and I was devastated when my youngest was born but I got over it as soon as he was placed in my arms. 

I resigned myself to the fact I would never have any more kids as I split with the boys dad and was single 5 years.

Now Im married to a man who hasn't got kids and wanted one of his own. We've had 2 chemical miscarriages close together and Im now nearly 8wks pregnant.

I really really want a little girl and I think I'll be even more devastated if its another boy. Don't get me wrong I love my boys and couldn't imagine my life without them but I think I will grieve for the daughter I couldn't have.

Im in two minds whether to find out or not. On one hand I think it will be good to find out to prepare myself but on the other will I not enjoy the rest of my pregnancy if its not a girl. This will more than likely be my last. 

Sorry if I rambled and I didn't make any sense Xx


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## noasaint

I'm so sorry :( I can only imagine how you feel. We're pregnant with our 1st and won't be having any more children so if it's not a boy then there are no more chances. I've already cried quite a bit thinking it's a girl.


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## kat132

Kitten-B said:


> :hugs:
> 
> I feel pretty much the same, except I'm still pregnant with my second boy.
> 
> How old is your youngest?.

My youngest is 6 weeks and i am only 26 but me and OH half already said that 2 is enough. I am still young though so you never know. I always only wanted 2 though so i dont think i will have anymore.


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## Bec27

I am so grateful for this thread to hear how others want a girl, I have one DS who I love to bits and am pregnant with no. 2 we find out next Fri what we're having and I am soooo nervous about it, it's all I can think about. Not many people understand the mix of emotions that come with wanting a particular gender- the desperation, the heartache, the guilt etc. I try not to let myself think this might be a girl because I know how much harder it'll make it if I get attached. We've only discussed boys names and my DH knows how I feel and he really doesn't get it. That's why it's so great to come on here. Talking is so important, especially if you have no one in the 'real' world you can confide in or who understands.


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## noasaint

Bec, I agree completely. Wish I hadn't set everything on it being a boy. It just got me super upset. No one really understands IRL. I will send you pink dust if you send me blue dust!


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## MrsClark24

I think the worst feeling is knowing that you won't have anymore so you won't ever get a girl... Is hard, really hard. I'm the same but the other way round, I want boys and currently I'm pregnant with a girl. 

It's a hard concept for many people to understand "oh so long as they're healthy..." It doesn't help the fact that you're mourning the loss of the daughter you'll never have.

We all understand here, and it's an awful feeling.

On the bright side you have what I always wanted- 3 boys.


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## Nyn

I know exactly how you feel hun. When I found out ds2 was a boy it took me a LONG time to get my head round it and I kept it all bottled up inside as I was too ashamed to say anything to anyone. At the time I also resented my friends with girls and I hated myself for it :hugs:


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