# Staying sane after a loss



## Crosby

The wound is still raw. 

I lost my baby at 18 weeks, I stopped feeling him move and after 3 days of a waiting game I went to the Hospital where they confirmed no heartbeat. I was induced and delivered him. It was the most soul destroying thing I ever experienced. I agreed on post mortem and will have to get some tests done on me to see what went wrong. 2 days after I was discharged from hospital I developed a huge infection in my breasts, they became red, sore, hard and absolutely hot to touch, I am sure you could have fried eggs on them. I have been put on 4 lots of meds, 2 of which are antibiotics. But this is just physical side of it...

It has only been 4 days, I am still hormonal and cry every day, I feel like I am losing my mind sometimes. Everything reminds me of my baby, my house, my mums house, the clothes I wore when I was pregnant, the food I craved, music I listened, my belly which is still big but now empty.

After 4 years of TTC, 3 IVF's and at the age of 36 this was my first long waited pregnancy. All I want now is to be pregnant again.

I feel like I need to talk this over and over again and then I might be able to move on.


----------



## nickyb

I'm so so sorry :( there is nothing worse than loosing your baby and to endure birth it is horrendous!
I lost at 17 weeks and I remember the cruelty of my breast milk and how it made me feel.
There are no words that will ease your pain, but time will help 
Bless u and bless your angel xxx :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am so deeply sorry for your loss// You never get over it, but you do get better in time.. I never believed that after I lost Ava at 22 weeks, but it's true..

Took me 2 years to really be ok, it's been 3 and a half years and I still cry here and there, not as much as I did, thank God :cry: This experience I can say literally almost killed me.. I finally got my girl at the age of 40.. I couldn't believe it, we were not trying and I was done as my 3 boys were older 20, 18 and 11.. I was so happy, finally having that relationship that I never had with my mother. I dreamed of moments with Ava, I dreamed of being her mother and her best friend as she got older. I chose to give birth to her, it happened not when I expected it, in my bathroom, but I would not have changed it for anything, anything :hugs: I almost lost my marriage, lost a couple of friends and family.. Nobody understood my grief and the intense sorrow I carried, I couldn't even get out of bed, it was horrible.. Then as I started to get better my lovely SIL had a girl after 3 boys who were older and named her after my baby :cry: didn't ask, didn't care, she liked the name , no big deal to her :cry:
The family was torn and still is, her baby almost is 2 yrs., my SIL is a cruel person.. Back to my point, you are not crazy you are grieving and everything is normal, don't let people tell you different. I love how people offer advice, especially when they have never been through it :cry: People just don't realize what a broken heart is, I promise things will get easier. I don't know when, we all reach this point at different times, but I promise you will get there, if you ever need a friend I am always here :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## LilFooshFoosh

I'm so sorry for your loss. After our loss at 17w2d my husband thought I would have trouble with seeing baby stuff so he shut the door to the nursery. I opened it back up and would just sit in there sometimes and cry. I will never forget my baby or what happened so trying to avoid it or bottle it up was definitely not the way to go for me. You need to do what is right for you even if people don't think it is a good idea. You know what you need.

I hope you find your way to cope, talking it over repeatedly did help me too. There is no getting over what happened, it is part of who you are now. You will find ways to live with it and honour the memory of your child.

I hope you get pregnant again when you are ready. :hugs:


----------



## Crosby

Thank you ladies, its been 2 weeks since we found out and 12 days since I haven't got my bubs in my belly. It feels like the time stands still. I throw myself into work, house etc only to find moments later that I am not at all interested in anything. I cannot concentrate or finish anything I start. I want to try and go to my RE and start the next IVF, although I fear they will tell me to wait in order to heal emotionally. How can I... :(


----------



## babesx3

So sorry for your loss xxx
I'm not sure if there is a right answer as to when the right time is to try again...
I lost my baby boy at 18 weeks on 04.09 10 all i wanted was him back again in my belly , i craved to be pregnant again , and we were so very fortunate to conceive a month after i lost my boy.... It was such a hard pregnancy i felt guilty for being pregnant again so soon, i was worried my baby was a replacement which in a way he was but he also wasn't .... Thank fully i have my rainbow boy , who reminds me of the the boy i lost , but he is most certainly his own person...
i think what i'm trying to say is , just do what feels right for you... some ladies wait to try again and some don't ... i'm not sure either way is easy ....
Hope you find the right answer for you xxx


----------

