# Just started thinking about divorce



## Springflower

The short story is that my husband had an affair, I tried to make it work but he is no longer in love with me so I'm ready for divorce. 

I don't know where to start?! I think if I want his infidelity to be the reason then I have 6 months from when he told me, end of may. 

He is apparently going to support us but I have no idea what that means? I gave up my career to care for our children, so I have no job. We also recently (feb) bought a house, so will lose money if I sell the house as we need 2 yrs with the mortgage. But we have moved away from friends and family, I have started to make some friends but it's not the same as mates from years ago. I keep reading about how important support systems are and I have none. Even my soon to be x husband works miles away. 

Everything is such a mess and I'm so scared. I have no idea where to begin. Please could anyone offer some advice as I'm lost and I know I need to start sorting things.


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## Meezerowner

:hugs: sorry you are going through this.

I know what it's like at the beginning .... so hard to get your head around what has to been done to unentangle yourself from someone and somehow come to terms with starting on your own somehow. 

Best bet is to go get legal advice now. Doesnt matter if you are on good terms or bad just get yourself a free 30mins session with a family law solicitor and get yourself clued up.

Does your ex have any suggestions as to what you do with house? Could he buy you out? or he could live in the house himself for the 2 years whilst you move back to your family?

When it happened to me I was across the country from all of my friends and family. It is tough without support. I always made it clear that I wasnt gonna stay in that area on my own so I forced my ex to sell the house. We were lucky we weren't tied in with a new mortgage though.

Make a short list of the main things that you need to discuss with ex (if you are on good enough terms that is).
Ask him where he wants to live.
How you are gonna sort out child maintenance (go to the Child Maintenance Services CMS webpage and you can calculate how much he should be paying based on his salary he may offer to give you more).
What sort of custody arrangement visitation to children he wants.
I dunno how old your kids are but is it possible to pick up your career again when the are in pre-school or school?
If you moved back to your friends/family is there anyone who can support you... i.e. live with parents/siblings? or offer childcare whilst you work?

:flower: It is tough. But you will get sorted eventually.


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## Springflower

Thank you so much for your response! You have really helped me. I will start looking for a solicitor when the girls are back at preschool next week. I think that needs to be my first step.

My husband can't buy me out of the house, as we've only just bought the house, we really pushed ourselves financially so I'm screwed with the house. I'm not even sure how he will be able to find somewhere as we have no extra money. 

My girls are 2 and 3. There aren't really any decent paying jobs where we are now. I think the sensible thing would be to go home, then I would have more chance of a job. I just don't want to, it's great here for kids and I like it too. 

Ugh so hard :(

I checked the online calculator and what my oh should pay doesn't even cover the mortgage :(


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## Meezerowner

I went and read your journal story after I posted yesterday. Just so sorry what you are going through past and present. :hugs:

Yeah the CMS payment requirement isn't usually enough to cover mortgage (unless you have a cheap mortgage or ex has a very good job). 
But one of the things to remember is that if you are both named on the mortgage you are both equally responsible for payments. The bank doesn't care who pays them but in the event of a default they will chase both parties regardless of who is living where.

It seems that you would defo need some legal help and how easy it will be to sort out will depend on your ex to a certain extent. I hope he will be sensible and help you to sort everything.
Just be prepared to protect your stuff and to safeguard money particularly joint bank accounts etc. It can be a minefield.

Has your ex actually moved out atm or is he still in the house?

I hope you have some real life support from friends and family as that's what got me through. Don't be afraid to lean on people and take any offers of help.
I hope your little girls are ok and that they are not feeling it too much as they are still so young. :flower:


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## PoppyPainting

Can you rent the house out and that way cover the mortgage payments until the 2 years is done?


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