# 14 week loss, delivering the baby on Friday



## caleblake

Im absolutely and beyond devastated to be posting in here. I had a scan today at 16 weeks and there was no heartbeat. Our beautiful baby stopped growing at 14 weeks and 2 just a week after a great ultrasound. Ive had the first pill today and I need to go in on Friday morning to deliver the baby. Can anyone tell me what to expect? Thank you in advance for taking the time to read.


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## nessaw

Hi I'm so very sorry for your loss. I had a second tri loss with similar timings but it was twins. They were 14 +6 on the scan day and then I delivered the following week. The shock is undescribable like you say. We had the first pill then went back a few days later. We were assigned a bereavement midwife and were on the gynae ward rather than epu or labour. She ran through some decisions about whether to hold/see them after birth, funerals, naming etc but you could change your mind at any point about it. 
We had a room to ourselves. The first pessary went in at 12pm then every 4 hours. I didn't start with any cramping til about 10pm. We took lots of snacks and downloaded things onto the ipad because we didn't knkw how long it would take. Dh stayed that night but it wasn't comfiryable for him. My experience was very much like labour but I know people have had it with less pain. Morphine and gas and air was available and I used both. The midwives were amazing. I went through the night and my first twin was born just after 8am and the 2nd followed about 20 minutes later. I can't lie to you-it was terrifying and beyond emotional. They took the babies away and weighed and cleaned them and brought them back for us to hold and see as requested. I'm glad we did as looking back it dod help with the grieving. They had recommened buying a blanket for them before we went in so when we were ready they took them and put them in that. They did footprints as well although size of babies can mean that they can't sometimes. And we could see they were boys. We decided to have them cremated and didn't want to go to the service but there are a variety of options. We have their ashes in a lovely box. Post birth I had to have some help with the placenta and ended up staying in mainly due to not being able to find a doctor to discharge me. Dh couldn't stay the next night which he hated but I mainly slept most of the day and night as the drugs wire off. We could've sent for the babies at any point and I hated leaving them behind-that was hard. Recovery wise the combination of grief and pregnacy/birth hormones had me very low for some time I'm afraid to say and looking back I think it may have been pnd. Bleeding continued for a few weeks and it took a few months to get my cycle back. I did get pg 5 months later but lost that but then had my daughter. The babies and I were tested after although we knew it was twin to twin transfusion and there was nothing otherwise wrong. I still think about my boys a lot and remember that before I went in to have them that the fear of the unknown was really high so I hope this helps and hasn't been too gritty. I hope Friday goes as well as it can. Am so sorry that this has happened to you and will be thinking of you.x


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## caleblake

Thank you taking the time to reply and for telling your story. It hasn&#8217;t helped more than you will ever know. I really hope they can tell me if it&#8217;s a boy or girl as I think it would help to name the baby. I&#8217;m absolutely dreading tomorrow. I&#8217;m sorry to hear about your precious twins. &#10084;&#65039;&#55357;&#56473;


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## nessaw

Thinking of you today.x


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## Cewsbaby

Hope you are ok. Im so sorry you had to go through this.


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