# FOB can no longer support the kids ***UPDATE PAGE 4***



## BrandiCanucks

My ex husband and I have a shared custody agreement, which states that if either parent ever becomes unable to properly provide for the kids, we are supposed to voluntarily surrender custody to the other parent. He lost his job two years ago, and his Employment Insurance ran out in October. Since then, I have been financially supporting the kids (3 of them) at both houses. I have been buying clothes, groceries for both houses, doing laundry for both houses, and, stupidly, feeding my ex supper, because I wanted our divorce to be a good one, without fighting, but I'm getting into a position where I can no longer do that. Now that he knows I'm cutting him off, he's trying to control me again. Our marriage was filled with 7 years of abuse, with things turning physical in the last year and a half. Now I'm out, I'm happy, I'm recovering through counselling, and I'm happy.

I told him one month ago that if he didn't find a source of income within a month, I was going to apply for full custody of the kids, since he is, technically, violating the order by not surrendering his custody. This would be to his benefit so he could get himself out of debt, and find a full-time permanent job. (He was fired from one after a day and a half in November).

Anyway, the month is up next week, and he still has nothing. He has lied to me three times in the last week about temp jobs that have been offered to him. Three times, these jobs have apparently been cancelled the same day he was supposed to attend them. I have papers now that are filled out, just need to be read over by a lawyer, but are otherwise ready to be filed for full custody.

The kids go to daycare, and given that he doesn't have a job, I CAN say he does pay half of the childcare fees. I'm concerned about how he is getting this money. His mother is out of the country until March, the rest of his family doesn't have money, and he shut down all his lines of credits before he lost his EI. 

Since telling him about going after full custody, I have found naked pictures of my kids on his phone, that are also turning up on his Facebook page, and on a folder that he put on MY laptop labelled Mike's Phone. (My laptop was still in his house until 3 days ago). He is also a former junkie. I'm starting to get REALLY concerned about how he is acquiring money for daycare, but claiming he has no money and is deeper in the negative than the bank allows, and why, when he has all the time in the world all day to look for a job (or even apply for welfare, for crying out loud), he does not use these opportunities.

I tried called Children's Aid about the pictures I found and they claimed I was likely overreacting and they don't believe there is anything sinister about the photos, but they will ask him to take them off Facebook.

I'm really concerned, too, about my kids. While I don't believe he is doing anything to them (my son would tell me), it makes me worry about what creeps are looking at these photos. I worry about whether he can feed them, clothe them, take care of them properly. My son also tells me he doesn't want to go to his dad's house anymore because his dad spanks him, and when we were together, we never spanked.

Sorry this is long, but what the hell do I do to protect my kids? I can't cut off his custody and access until either CAS, the police, or a court order states I can, but I want to and need to protect my kids.

HELP!


----------



## Sushai

:hugs: I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I too would be feeling all worried and would be wanting to protect my children from anything that may be going on. I've really no advice but sincerely hope that they come into your care ASAP.


----------



## KayBea

i have no advice either hun :hugs:

have you spoken to him about the pictures & the spanking? x


----------



## BrandiCanucks

No, because the last time I had a concern about our oldest daughter (special needs), putting toys into her vagina when she was in the bath, he turned around and told everyone I was accusing him of doing stuff to her. He really can be unpredictable and psychotic.


----------



## dachsundmom

:cry::hugs:


----------



## Danie1stbaby

sorry you are going through this,sending virtual hugs~ My first question is what were the kids doing in the pictures? were they just taking a bath? or standing there nude? My next question is what is the hold up? file for full custody,something is not right and you have to protect your babies.As far as your daughter putting toys in herself is tricky.....I am at a loss for words,but please get the ball rolling,contact a social worker maybe? That needs to be investigated....that is flat out weird and I would suspect something....omg


----------



## BrandiCanucks

I contacted out social worker, as we do have an open file with Children's Aid because of physical abuse he imposed on me in front of the kids, and I had to speak with a covering worker because ours was on vacation. The covering worker spoke with the manage who apparently said she doesn't believe there is anything sinister about the photos, and therefore they aren't concerned, but they will tell him to take them off Facebook.

I am meeting with a lawyer on Tuesday who will be going over my papers and making sure everything is down correctly in order to go after full custody.

One photos is of my youngest daughter standing naked on the bathroom counter with him holding her hand and smiling as he takes the picture. She did not just get out of the bath either.

Another is of my 4 year old son sitting on the change table with a towel on his head and the rest of him completely exposed.

Another is of my son standing in the living room with a pair of underwear on his head, naked, and holding his penis.

Another is of my youngest daughter standing near the front door with the living room blinds up, naked facing the window, and wearing only Backpack from Dora. Her bum is exposed. This one is on Facebook.

My son really likes AC/DC, so my ex husband took a picture of my son mooning the camera, and used that picture to make into an album cover, which he called "Izzy's AC/DC Al-BUM". This one WAS on Facebook, but has since been taken down.

I haven't found any naked pictures of my oldest daughter, just my younger two.


----------



## Dezireey

This man is a danger to your children. Get them away from him as soon as you can. These pictures, what you are describing, is sinister and not normal for a father to be doing. Ignore whatever idiot is saying you are overreacting and get a second third or even fourth opinion on this. Naked pictures of children, in this day and age and what the internet is used for, is totally unnacceptable. It would take all my willpower not to threaten him with legal action for doing that. Hell, I would be banging down the Polices door demanding they investigate this immediately.

I also question where he is getting money from and I know what you are thinking, I am thinking that too. Things dont add up here and the sooner you get your children away from him, the better. You may have a battle on your hands in future but in this type of circumstance, I would say its worth it to protect them.

Good luck with all the procedures and know that - no, you are not, not in a million years overreacting about the naked pictures of your kids. I am aghast at the person who thinks that a father having naked pictures of his small children on his phone or on facebook is acceptable in any manner. Stand your ground hun.

Hugs xx


----------



## louisiana

did this manager just look at the pics and decide they werent sinister or did she actually speak to ur ex about them?
if it was based on just looking at them id be extremely unhappy.
i would speak to someone else about it.
can u afford to stop taking his money for the daycare?cause i know i wouldnt be hapy unless he can prove where the money is coming from.


----------



## BrandiCanucks

I can afford daycare all on my own, if necessary. The manager, nor the social worker, saw the pictures. They made the decision that they weren't sinister based on my description alone.


----------



## Dezireey

BrandiCanucks said:


> I can afford daycare all on my own, if necessary. The manager, nor the social worker, saw the pictures. They made the decision that they weren't sinister based on my description alone.

Seriously?! they didnt even see them on his phone or the context in which they were posted in facebook? Bloody hell and we wonder sometimes why some kids get unprotected in the system. I would demand that they see the photographs, might hit home to them how inappropriate they really are. How would they like it if it were their kids? Some people have no clue, no clue whatsoever.


----------



## Seren0613

I would be concerned. He may not be physically forcing himself onto the children, but there ARE sexual undertones to all of this. Maybe he's selling their pics online? Idk.

I would really have someone else do a second investigation. Take your laptop to a computer place & have them search the hard drive. Even if stuff is deleted, it can still be recovered. Find out what he was using it for.


----------



## Seren0613

P.S.: I was molested by a family member whe I was a child. No one in my family believed me (other than my parents) ... because "he's a good Christian - he wouldn't do that." you can honestly trust NO ONE, no matter how well you think you know them.

Edit: the toy thing really tips me off. I know children explore their bodies, but then again - when abused they can act out scenarios. For ex: myself. When I was little I was caught playing "doctor" naked in my play room, "exploring areas of my body," I'll just say. Also, I was 3 when I drew a picture of a penis & could tell you what it was. My parents didn't think much of either instance. Little did they know, my aunt's husband was molesting me. Children can't verbalize it most times, but will draw pictures/ act it out. Huge red flag.


----------



## Seren0613

On second thought, since Children's Aid (is that like DSS in the US?) didn't listen, go to the police. Explain your concerns & ask if they will search the laptop.


----------



## BrandiCanucks

I spoke with our social worker who already has an open file. She felt her manager was wrong and is going to do a more thorough investigation. She's meeting with him on Friday, but says it's just for a "follow up", so that he doesn't have time to delete anything. She's going to bring it up at this follow up and request to see his phone and computer, and then make the decision on whether she recommends I take full custody and she request the police launch an investigation, or whether she agrees with her manager, that the photos are not sinister.


----------



## Seren0613

Good! Hopefully for the children's sake, it's nothing. But, better safe than sorry.


----------



## Danie1stbaby

Yes,better safe than sorry~ Take this great advice from these ladies.something definitely isn't right~ I can't even give you the proper advice because my way is not the good way,I would have been snapped and whooped his ass until I was physically tired,and got plead insanity.I know that is how I would have handled it~ Yet you have a chance to do it right,go and push the issue until something is done.Do not allow your children to be left in his care anymore.

My heart and love also goes out to Seren0613 ~ May the person that violated your innocence burn in hell! I have no care at all for nasty *******s that violate innocent children~ ugh I am disturbed....


----------



## Tasha

I am so glad that the other social worker has taken you more seriously. when do you see a lawyer?


----------



## MikaylasMummy

If there were pics of the kids in the bath or playing in a backyard pool naked,fair enough.but why on earth would anyone want/need a picture of a child naked when u can't even see their face!!and why would you have a child on the change table naked and taking pics unless they are a baby smiling while u change them?the whole thing screams to me that something is wrong and I think we are all thinking the same thing about where he is getting his money.personally I would speak to the police and any other service you can get a hold of until someone investigates this matter properly.i think a financial record to show where his income is coming from is the first important marker on whether these are innocent or not.


----------



## BrandiCanucks

Thankfully, the social worker is coming out tomorrow morning. I'll be showing her the pictures then, and she's already agreed to investigate deeper into how he's getting his money. Tonight, he threatened that if I tried to take him to court again, he'd be fighting for "100% of the kids", and he "make sure I never see them again, so I can't hurt them anymore" by "not trying to be friends with him".

God, the guy is seriously effed in the head! Can't wait to speak with the social worker.


----------



## MegnJoe

I just read the whole thread. I'm so sorry for your situation. I am glad the right people are digging into this deeper. My husband always covers my daughter with a washcloth when she is doing something cute in the the tub..I pray he isn't a sexual deviant, and this all gets straightened out. keep your head up, it's a long road ahead but as u know, well worth it to protect your little ones..


----------



## BrandiCanucks

I don't believe he is doing anything in that sense to them. My son would have told me during one of our nightly talks. But it does make me curious, why he has these photos, and how is he getting money for daycare?

What IS happening that is making my son throw NASTY tantrums. I don't mean a regular kick and scream tantrum, but kick, scream, nearly put holes in my wall, scream no over and over, swear at me, and then tell me he's scared when I try and talk to him. Why does he tell me he doesn't want to go to his dad's? He says it's because dad spanks him and calls him a bad kid. Why did he hold his bowel for a week straight and then have a nasty accident at the babysitter's today? My son is a sweet kid. He is kindhearted, gentle, sensitive, and loves everyone. He uses his words when he's sad. I've never seen tantrums this horrible and frightening from him ever, and I mean HE is frightened. So frightened, he hyperventilates and can't catch his breath. He toilet trained himself at 27 months old and hasn't had an accident since then, until today. The babysitter said he had a rock solid BM that was the size of an apple, and then for 15 minutes straight, it kept flowing in watery bits into her shower, and he cried the whole time because he couldn't stop it. He has lost ALL confidence in himself. This is the kid who started dressing himself at 16 months old, knew how to do up his coat and put on his boots at 2, and now he won't do it. Not because he can't, but because he is afraid. He has literally lost all confidence. He asks me for help with his boots, saying he can't do it, and Daddy said he can't. I could go on and on.

To make matters worse, I'm trying to get him in counselling, but can't put him in because he's part of a shared custody agreement. In shared, they need BOTH signatures, and my ex won't sign. He says he doesn't need it.

SOMETHING is going on, and I need to save my kids from it. Hopefully I get somewhere tomorrow.


----------



## _Mouse_

I think you should be informing the police or OPP as naked picture of children fall under kidddy porn. I work with all types of computer technology everyday at work if we find even a hint of naked children on the device, all information must be searched for any other photos and the police and opp notified to pick up the device and hand over all information to them. 

I wouldn't let him have the kids again until everything is sorted out or at least request supervised access.


----------



## MikaylasMummy

That is horrendous.film all incidences from now on.it is hard because it is a he said she said so if you have proof of his behaviour it will hopefully shock them into acting.i assume your already keeping a dated diary of every incident with the kids especially the bowel issue with the babysitter and note she was a witness.these severe behaviour changes have made me change my mind about whether the fob is abusing him.i very sadly think such extreme behaviour change could be the result of something sinister.not just bad words from his dad.are you sure you need two signatures for a psychiatrist?maybe take him for an emergency doctors appointment after an episode with a video and they might be able to legally override it due to medical need.the fact that fob doesn't want councilling also rings alarm bells to me.why not?what is he afraid that will come out?how do you know with the kids still regularly in fobs company that he hasn't put such severe fear into them that they dare not tell as the retribution will be bad when they are back with him.


----------



## BrandiCanucks

My 4 year old doesn't lie. He tells me what his dad tells him. Even my special needs daughter told me she hated my new house and the only reason she did is because her dad told her to say it. I KNOW something is going on, but until someone else believes me and tells me I can take action, my hands are tied, or I will be the one getting in trouble, not him.


----------



## Seren0613

BrandiCanucks said:


> I don't believe he is doing anything in that sense to them. My son would have told me during one of our nightly talks. But it does make me curious, why he has these photos, and how is he getting money for daycare?
> 
> What IS happening that is making my son throw NASTY tantrums. I don't mean a regular kick and scream tantrum, but kick, scream, nearly put holes in my wall, scream no over and over, swear at me, and then tell me he's scared when I try and talk to him. Why does he tell me he doesn't want to go to his dad's? He says it's because dad spanks him and calls him a bad kid. Why did he hold his bowel for a week straight and then have a nasty accident at the babysitter's today? My son is a sweet kid. He is kindhearted, gentle, sensitive, and loves everyone. He uses his words when he's sad. I've never seen tantrums this horrible and frightening from him ever, and I mean HE is frightened. So frightened, he hyperventilates and can't catch his breath. He toilet trained himself at 27 months old and hasn't had an accident since then, until today. The babysitter said he had a rock solid BM that was the size of an apple, and then for 15 minutes straight, it kept flowing in watery bits into her shower, and he cried the whole time because he couldn't stop it. He has lost ALL confidence in himself. This is the kid who started dressing himself at 16 months old, knew how to do up his coat and put on his boots at 2, and now he won't do it. Not because he can't, but because he is afraid. He has literally lost all confidence. He asks me for help with his boots, saying he can't do it, and Daddy said he can't. I could go on and on.
> 
> To make matters worse, I'm trying to get him in counselling, but can't put him in because he's part of a shared custody agreement. In shared, they need BOTH signatures, and my ex won't sign. He says he doesn't need it.
> 
> SOMETHING is going on, and I need to save my kids from it. Hopefully I get somewhere tomorrow.


Something is going on. Tell the social worker all of this. 

Him holding his bowels seems to be as a means to control (possibly his rectum?), also anger is shown when scared/feeling out of control. I was angry when I would return from my aunt/uncle's house. I would be a huge brat. My parents thought it was because my cousin was a brat & was rubbing off on me.

You have to ask him why daddy calls him bad? What is he doing to make daddy say he's bad? If he is being abused, his father may say this to brain wash him into thinking not going along with it is bad, and good boys do as they are told. The man who molested me told me I couldn't tell, because it would upset my aunt badly. I didn't tell for 6
months. I told an older family member (child also). She was about 12/13 & new better - so she convinced me to tell. I was scared to tell an adult. He also did something to her, which is why we got on the topic of discussion. She told, then I told. I think if she wouldn't have told, I wouldn't have.

He's probably so scared. Even if your children are always truthful, don't forget intimidation toward a child can be a very powerful thing.



Danie, thank you. <3


----------



## Dezireey

From what you have added to your thread now in other posts and from talking myself recently to one of my friends who was abused as a child, Im sorry to say but it looks extremely likely that your ex is abusing your children. I would not let him see them at all asap and I would go straight to the Police now. Dont forget abusers control children and they also control what they say. My friend was abused by her grandfather who ( she found out later) also abused his daughter and she never told anyone. He used to threaten that he would kill all her family if she told on him and he also said things like ' everyone knows anyway, they all think its fine' which convinces the child that no-one is on their side. If you are 100% convinced he is not an abuser in a sexual manner, from what you have said that man, at the very least is hitting them or humiliating them badly. 

For the sake of your children, remove them from this mans care immediately. Your little boy may not be telling you anything verbally but he sure as hell is crying out for help with his actions and body language. That should be enough of a red flag for you to stop all contact. Ignore courts/ officials, current custody rules etc. Demand a thorough investigation as you suspect possible abuse. I cant imagine any social worker would argue with a mother (with the evidence you told us here) wanting her kids removed immediately from his care until the truth is investigated properly and thoroughly.

Hope things work out xx


----------



## BrandiCanucks

Thank you. I will definitely be discussing my concerns with the social worker, and if possible, I'm going to ask if she can sit down with my son and talk with him.


----------



## BrandiCanucks

Just spoke with the social worker. She has rescheduled our meeting for 3:45pm this afternoon so she can sit and talk with Isaiah privately about why he doesn't want to go to his dad's anymore.


----------



## Rhio92

Hope it goes okay, thinking of you all :hugs: xxx


----------



## BrandiCanucks

Social worker just left. Apparently she had been on the verge of closing the file because there had been no activity in a few months. I showed her the pictures of the kids, including the captions he posted them under on Facebook. She also spoke with my son who told her everything he has told me. He is being spanked at his dad's house, whether he is being good or bad, he doesn't want to go there, his dad calls his a bad kid, but what nearly had me in tears what that my son said he would rather be spanked by his dad than have a time out, because the spankings hurt, but the time outs hurt more. Apparently my son is also spanked by his dad while in bed. She is going to call him in the morning to meet with him. She had previously recommended that he attend a parenting class, and now she is ordering it, and he can't say no, because he is ordered by the court to attend any program as recommended by Children's Aid. 

My son also told her that the reason he wants to sleep at my house is because I don't spank him, and I'm nice to him.

She can't say right now that I can keep the kids away from him, not until she speaks to him, and starts the investigation (tomorrow), but according to the custody agreement, the kids are to sleep at my house for the next week, so we should be okay for a few days. Based on this program she's ordering him in to, that will be the deciding factor on whether or not they back me up on a pursuit of full custody.


----------



## Danie1stbaby

Glad the social worker is getting things into action.Damn the parenting classes though,he needs to be away from those babies.Your baby's bowel movements,and confidence are bothered....something is up.See I couldn't follow the law to protect my baby,you are such a patient person.God knows my child would not go back and I would flat out say that I think my babies are being abused.The father would give me answers,I would flip out so bad on him.Your son might not know what is happening and like another post up here said,kids act things out.I remember my mother saying that to me recently,she said kids never forget things and they usually talk about it on their time,when they are reminded of a certain event.He can't take your children from you,that is a way to control and scare you.Omg this case needs direct attention,is there anywhere I could write to.They are going to give this some attention and investigate immediately.Even when I am not on the forum I think about you and your beautiful babies.Something will and has to be done~ Those children do not need to be in his care~ a parenting class will not change a mentally unstable person.I would have told the caseworker to do what she has to do,because my babies will NOT go back into his care whatsoever


----------



## MissWaiting

you need to do what you think is right for your kids id ask your son whats been happening at his dads other then spanking and also good on your for getting someone involved about the pictures. in all honesty thought do what you think is right normally your gut feeling is right and even if your worried about the kids missing out on contact with their dad when they are older they will understand why you took the steps you did but be open with them about it i know its a diffrent thing but my mum kept us informed on every step of her and my dads break up and then we decided how her dating life went after and even to this day she always tells us whats going on when my nan was sick she told us striaght away as our nan wanted to speak to us all and we are greatful to this day that she took those steps as it allowed us to process things and make scene of it and we tell her to this day that her and my dad breaking up was the best thing she could of done due to the house being happier so follow what you feel you need to do and they will thank you for it when they are older xxx


----------



## BrandiCanucks

*So last night, I tucked my kids into bed. This routine consists of me giving my 4 year old son a big hug and saying, "I love you, Handsome. You're my favourite boy." To which he normally replies, "And you're my favourite girl, Mommy." Last night, however, he said to me last night, "But Daddy says you don't love me". My blood started to boil. So, I asked my 5 year old daughter (she has special needs and is developmentally delayed), if Daddy had ever told her that Mommy doesn't love her, and she said "Yes, every day".

This situation played out after I was late to pick them up because I was a witness to an attempted robbery at a drug store and the police asked me to stick around for an interview. I had to run home and pee after that and asked if he could bring them to me, because I was low on gas. Instead, he decided to play games and tell me that I shouldn't have left my kids there all night and if I truly wanted them, I could come get them. It got to the point where he began to refuse to give me my kids and I needed to call the police and have them speak with him. It was my night, according to the custody agreement, so essentially, by refusing to give me my kids, he was kidnapping them. He then agreed to give me my kids. Tonight, I offered to let him have access, and he refused to come get them, but said if I "wanted to get rid of them", I could bring them there. Needless to say, they're asleep in my house tonight.

I am SO BEYOND PISSED! I CANNOT stand him. I want nothing more than to get my kids away from him and hug them, and love them, and protect them, and let them be HAPPY!!!

So, I applied for legal aid today, and got a certificate, and I have an appointment with a lawyer. I will be filing my motion to change next week. I'm getting this show on the road. Hopefully we will be happy from now on.*


----------



## Ceejay123

BrandiCanucks said:


> *So last night, I tucked my kids into bed. This routine consists of me giving my 4 year old son a big hug and saying, "I love you, Handsome. You're my favourite boy." To which he normally replies, "And you're my favourite girl, Mommy." Last night, however, he said to me last night, "But Daddy says you don't love me". My blood started to boil. So, I asked my 5 year old daughter (she has special needs and is developmentally delayed), if Daddy had ever told her that Mommy doesn't love her, and she said "Yes, every day".
> 
> This situation played out after I was late to pick them up because I was a witness to an attempted robbery at a drug store and the police asked me to stick around for an interview. I had to run home and pee after that and asked if he could bring them to me, because I was low on gas. Instead, he decided to play games and tell me that I shouldn't have left my kids there all night and if I truly wanted them, I could come get them. It got to the point where he began to refuse to give me my kids and I needed to call the police and have them speak with him. It was my night, according to the custody agreement, so essentially, by refusing to give me my kids, he was kidnapping them. He then agreed to give me my kids. Tonight, I offered to let him have access, and he refused to come get them, but said if I "wanted to get rid of them", I could bring them there. Needless to say, they're asleep in my house tonight.
> 
> I am SO BEYOND PISSED! I CANNOT stand him. I want nothing more than to get my kids away from him and hug them, and love them, and protect them, and let them be HAPPY!!!
> 
> So, I applied for legal aid today, and got a certificate, and I have an appointment with a lawyer. I will be filing my motion to change next week. I'm getting this show on the road. Hopefully we will be happy from now on.*

Oh my gosh! What a twisted, evil man! Why is he telling your kids this, and why the hell is he spanking them? I just read this in absolute disbelief. I think you're well within your rights to withhold access? Have you visited a solicitor sweetie? If you're afraid for your kids I can't see them holding it against you. Have you told the social worker that he's telling them mummy doesn't love them? X


----------



## MissWaiting

Wow what a ass hole he is I'm sending you huge hugs he doesn't deserve to have kids when he treats them like that xxx


----------



## MegnJoe

I am SO glad you are taking action to keep them away from him!! They will be happier for it and so will you, but you know that lol. Big hugs and stay as strong as you are being. Hopefully this whole nightmare will be in the review mirror very soon! Just keep loving your kids as much as you do. Your love will carry them through this, no matter what that man says to them. 

Good luck! I hope they change the custody to him never seeing them, or at least supervised visits with a social worker in a neutral location like once a year!


----------



## divershona

just read through this thread and i'm so srry that you're having to go through all of this. 

I was abused when i was a child and i was a horrible brat for it because i felt it was the only way for someone to listen to me. The fact that your son is saying that he doesn't want to go to his dads would raise warning flags for me especially when his reasons for it are what they are.

is there not a way in which you can just deny custody because of your concerns until a full investigation has taken place, or is it possible for you to say go to the police station with your kids and raise your concerns with them and just say that you think this needs investigating now because it is impacting on their health (your son's bowel movements are evidence of that!) 

something that i have heard of police doing with young children in an abuse case is taking a teddy or doll that kind of thing and asking the child to show them what the abuser says does as if the teddy/doll were them.

is that a possible thing you could ask your son to do so you might be able to understand better, it might be that he doesnt know how to communicate the exact things that are happening to him but if he can show you through acting it out with the teddy you can under stand. If you can do that video it and use that to show police / social workers etc. but be very careful not to lead your son into doing something that might not have happened to him if you know what i mean.

hope this can all be sorted very soon for you hun!


----------



## xoxsarahxox

I'm so sorry for what you and your children are going through. I don't really no what to say it have any advice, but I use to have issues with my son coming home from his dads and being either realy nasty and angry or just shutting himself away, he was a different boy. When it came to going to his dads it was a fight Everytime and we had to drag him to the car crying and screaming. I put a small recording device in the bottom of his nappy bag one day (knowing full well he never changed my sons nappy while he was there so there was no risk of him finding it) I only made a few recordings and all I heard was him swearin at my son calling him racist names ( my son is half Greek and so is his dad so god only knows why he was bein racist) my son screaming sayi g he was hurt, several times my exs sister in the background shouting and crying at my ex telling him to let go of my son as he was Hurting him. It was painful to sit and listen to it all but I took it straight to social services and my solicitor and contact was stopped immediately. He has since had to go through 2 years of supervised contact, parenting classes, risk assessments, courts, and now finally he has normal contact with him and I do believe he is a changed person and my son is at no risk. I realy feel for you cause it's not nice knowing there is something wrong with your child but you don't quite no what x


----------



## creatingpeace

I just read this whole thread! Frist and foremost, big hugs, how darn stressful!!!! What a damn asshole!

Secondly, I am a single Mom and I work in the social services system. I have one important thing to say DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT expect the system to take care of this, CAS. It just won't happen, or it will happen too late. Evidenced by the manager (WTF) and her poor judgement and the SW "about to close the file". Social services is VEEEEEEEEEEEEERY subjective and so many mistakes are made. You have done a great thing, get legal aid, a lawyer who is working for you and get sole custody of these children. This man is sick and should only have supervised access at BEST with your children.

I am so sorry you and your beautiful children are going through this. Do not allow that man to make you feel crazy, over reactive or anythg. Furthermore, your CAS's manager has a supervisor, you should make a compliant that you were told you were over reacting ( and that you did not feel supported), this is a very unprofessional comment to make. Trust me, from someone working in the field, the squeaky wheel is the one who gets the grease. Clearly from your posts you are a smart, together, articulate lady. Remain so in all your dealings with CAS, police, court and everything wil be just fine!


----------



## BrandiCanucks

CAS did refuse to do anything more than tell him to take the photos down. According to him, they've also been telling him the exact opposite of what they've been telling me they are telling him.

I ended up calling the police and they did investigate.

Spoiler
Because no one believed the photos were taken in malicious intent, there were no charges laid, but the officer DID threaten to charge him with distribution of child pornography if he didn't remove the naked photos.

My lawyer also sent him a letter threatening to take him to court for contempt of motion, and he's smartened up his act.


----------



## creatingpeace

Stop comunicating with him regarding CAS etc. Just keep it about pick up/drop offfs. Don't allow for any personal discussion or talk of CAS, court, police. He will just use it as a form of mind control.


----------



## chulie

Omg I don't even know what to say....I'm so glad you went to the police!! Those are most definitely inappropriate photos and your kids wouldn't understand the sadistic intent behind them. Hopefully you have just avoided something that could have been so much worse!! If I were you. I'd make a fake fb account pretending to be a 50 year old man and mentioning he saw those pictures but that hes sad he took them down and ask if he had more and you'd be willing to pay..... But I'm evil like that!!! 

Good luck girl!!!!! Keep those babies safe! There's nothing out of bounds when protecting those kids!!!!!


----------



## justhoping

Danie1stbaby said:


> sorry you are going through this,sending virtual hugs~ My first question is what were the kids doing in the pictures? were they just taking a bath? or standing there nude? My next question is what is the hold up? file for full custody,something is not right and you have to protect your babies.As far as your daughter putting toys in herself is tricky.....I am at a loss for words,but please get the ball rolling,contact a social worker maybe? That needs to be investigated....that is flat out weird and I would suspect something....omg

totally agree and they cannot protect themselves....you need to call child sevices and tell them and show them everything have them interview your children if they drop the ball keep at it.... these kids need a voice and as harsh as it may sound your it.....and he a nut!!

:hugs::hugs:


----------



## BrandiCanucks

It was short-lived. He sent me a message that he is willing to break the law if he thinks he is doing right by the kids. Today, my son said some VERY disturbing things to me, and I am scared to death. On the term of our court order, I'm seeking a third party professional opinion tomorrow for my son, and meeting with my lawyer on Friday afternoon. 


Spoiler
We are skipping the contempt motion, and going straight for sole custody. We're not going to ask for any changes in the access arrangements, just to give me sole custody so I can get my kids the help the need without jumping through hoops, but I wouldn't be surprised if the judge decides to change access too


----------



## MikaylasMummy

Oh no =( I was hoping things had settled back to normal for you.in what context was the things your son said?i hope the process is fast and you get your little ones the help they need


----------



## BrandiCanucks

I'm really hoping that it's just the overactive imagination of a 4 year old child, but when your 4 year old son tells you that his cat talks to him and tells him that he's going to kill your son, and your son asks you to get rid of the cat that he LOVES, you know your child needs SOMEONE to talk to. I know all I let him watch and listen to here is Diego, Cars, Little Einsteins, whatever is on Treehouse and kids music, but I know he is forced to listen to violent death metal and watch death metal concerts and horror movies at his fathers.


----------



## MikaylasMummy

Oh no =( that sounds absoloutley aweful.you are doing the right thing.that poor boy needs some professional help to counter what his father is doing to him!


----------



## creatingpeace

Oh my goodness your poor son :(how heartbreaking. I am so sorry you and he are going through this!


----------



## justhoping

that is scary....:(


i dont know what to say but if you need to talk pm me...


----------



## Mrs_X

How are you hun? x


----------



## BrandiCanucks

Doing well, overall. Thank you for asking. Things are getting underway. Just waiting on a few more documents and we can get the process started.


----------



## justhoping

BrandiCanucks said:


> Social worker just left. Apparently she had been on the verge of closing the file because there had been no activity in a few months. I showed her the pictures of the kids, including the captions he posted them under on Facebook. She also spoke with my son who told her everything he has told me. He is being spanked at his dad's house, whether he is being good or bad, he doesn't want to go there, his dad calls his a bad kid, but what nearly had me in tears what that my son said he would rather be spanked by his dad than have a time out, because the spankings hurt, but the time outs hurt more. Apparently my son is also spanked by his dad while in bed. She is going to call him in the morning to meet with him. She had previously recommended that he attend a parenting class, and now she is ordering it, and he can't say no, because he is ordered by the court to attend any program as recommended by Children's Aid.
> 
> My son also told her that the reason he wants to sleep at my house is because I don't spank him, and I'm nice to him.
> 
> She can't say right now that I can keep the kids away from him, not until she speaks to him, and starts the investigation (tomorrow), but according to the custody agreement, the kids are to sleep at my house for the next week, so we should be okay for a few days. Based on this program she's ordering him in to, that will be the deciding factor on whether or not they back me up on a pursuit of full custody.

wow, im so happy that there finally doing there job...and it made me cry that your son said that...poor [email protected]!:(

I am going through some crap with mine right now and Im so stressed I cant even put it to words.....i just wish they would do what there supposed to do here too.....

but im so glad things look like there moving forward for you and for now at least your babies are safe...(hug)


----------



## justhoping

BrandiCanucks said:


> *So last night, I tucked my kids into bed. This routine consists of me giving my 4 year old son a big hug and saying, "I love you, Handsome. You're my favourite boy." To which he normally replies, "And you're my favourite girl, Mommy." Last night, however, he said to me last night, "But Daddy says you don't love me". My blood started to boil. So, I asked my 5 year old daughter (she has special needs and is developmentally delayed), if Daddy had ever told her that Mommy doesn't love her, and she said "Yes, every day".
> 
> This situation played out after I was late to pick them up because I was a witness to an attempted robbery at a drug store and the police asked me to stick around for an interview. I had to run home and pee after that and asked if he could bring them to me, because I was low on gas. Instead, he decided to play games and tell me that I shouldn't have left my kids there all night and if I truly wanted them, I could come get them. It got to the point where he began to refuse to give me my kids and I needed to call the police and have them speak with him. It was my night, according to the custody agreement, so essentially, by refusing to give me my kids, he was kidnapping them. He then agreed to give me my kids. Tonight, I offered to let him have access, and he refused to come get them, but said if I "wanted to get rid of them", I could bring them there. Needless to say, they're asleep in my house tonight.
> 
> I am SO BEYOND PISSED! I CANNOT stand him. I want nothing more than to get my kids away from him and hug them, and love them, and protect them, and let them be HAPPY!!!
> 
> So, I applied for legal aid today, and got a certificate, and I have an appointment with a lawyer. I will be filing my motion to change next week. I'm getting this show on the road. Hopefully we will be happy from now on.*


:( mine does this with my kids....and it makes m blood boil....as i hate him forf what he does and everything else I never ever speak ill of him as no matter what he is there dad...and they will figure it out as they get older on there own...


wow that really does make my blood boil!! what an arse he is!


----------

