# 23 weeks and 5 days



## lilosmum

23 weeks and 5 days are words ringing in my ears I keep thinking that if only I had been 2 days further along it wouldn't have happened but i know it makes no difference and they said there was nothing they could have done but it doesn't stop me thinking about the whats and the why and the ifs. Less than 20 hours ago I could feel my little girl inside me kicking and now I know I will never feel it again.

About 11ish i felt a sharp pain i went straight to A&E and at 11:46PM my world shattered. They say that unless I would have been at the hospital the minute it happened she would have still died and even then they wouldn't have been able to do anything because I was not 24 weeks. 

They did an emergency ultrasound after finding no heart beat and me still be in a great deal of pain I had an emergency. That is when they discovered that I had suffered a Class 3 Placental abruption. They confirmed That Lola-Marie was no longer with us and said that they needed to operate as I was bleeding out at 12:08 this morning my beautiful little girl was born sleeping. 

I know I should still be groggy from the anesthetic but I'm not all I can think about is her and how I want to hold her and have next to me. 

I sent OH home to see DD. and now i just feel so alone.


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## mhazzab

Oh I'm so, so sorry to hear your precious little girl has passed away. It sounds like you have had a terrible 24 hours.

I gave birth to twin girls at 23+3, 14 weeks ago today. For the first few hours afterwards, I was in complete shock and disbelief which then turned to so many tears.

What you are going through is awful and there are times you will think you will never come through it. I'm so glad you have found this place, we will do whatever we can to help you through this.

I know it's so early for you, but there are some things we did at the hospital which I will cherish forever, and some things which we didn't do, which I now regret. If you want to hear what these are, I'd be happy to share.

lots of hugs to you all
xxxx


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## kam78

Hi Sweetie! :flower:

I just read your post and couldn't stop those stupid familiar tears from flowing ... My heart is breaking for you ... Your beautiful daughter is so lucky to have you as her mom, what a strong amazing mom you are!! 

Please be comforted in knowing you did your best, you done everything you could have done... You will remain in my thoughts and prayers ....

:hugs:


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## lilosmum

If you wouldn't mind I have had so many people telling me this and that about it today and I was listening but it meant nothing all I wanted to do was think about my little girl who wasn't inside me safe anymore and now suddenly it is quite and I don't know what to do


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## Savannah11

my heart breaks for you. i cant imagine the pain you are going through.
I really hope you are okay and may your little girl rest in peace. im so sorry xxx


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## kam78

One lesson I learned .... You do what YOU need to do.... what is best for YOU ... Take all the time YOU need... There is no rush ... Cherish every second ...

People are going to reach out to you and want to help, you will hear lots of advice..unfortunately some good, some bad.. I found most people in my regular life was clueless and hurtful, they didn't mean to be but they was... I honestly found the most comfort, best advice from all the mothers who have been thrown on to this horrible journey ... You have definately found the right website ... So many helpful women here, I honestly don't know what I'd have done or still to this day, don't know what I'd do without them ...:hugs:

We are here for you anytime, always....:hugs:


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## mhazzab

lilosmum said:


> If you wouldn't mind I have had so many people telling me this and that about it today and I was listening but it meant nothing all I wanted to do was think about my little girl who wasn't inside me safe anymore and now suddenly it is quite and I don't know what to do

I spoke to the consultant, and the chaplain a few hours after giving birth, and to be honest not much of what they said sunk in. We had to have exactly the same conversation again the next day.

We are not religious, so I was wary of having the chaplain come see us, but she was fantastic. 

I'll tell you what we did do / didn't do...

The hospital offered to take photos of our girls, and foot/hand prints. at the time, I didn't feel the need to have these, but I so, so cherish these now. 

At the time, other than right after the birth I was scared to see my girls again, and didn't do it till a few days later. I wish I had held them and kissed them, maybe had photos taken with them.

hospitals differ, some offer these things, and some people have to ask, I just want to make sure you know what you can do if you want to.

hopfully the hospital have something for your daughter to wear to make her all cosy but if they don't and you want something, let me know and i will do what i can to help you.

this thread might also help you, i hope I'm not giving you too much information, I just want to make sure you don't have any regrets about what happens next, you can read this when you feel up to it

https://www.babyandbump.com/stillbirths-neonatal-loss-sids/199243-ideas-memories-your-baby.html


hugs xxx


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## kam78

Yes, Pictures (now) are such a treasure!!!

Right after birth I seen and held my Emma but then she was taken away and while the nurses had her, they asked if I wanted pictures... my first thought was "NO"...but man, I am SO glad I changed my mind... They also put a pretty lil gown with a bright pink hat on her and wrapped her in a soft cozy blanket... Those I kept... Which I am so glad of that as well ... I asked if I ca have the clothes she was wearing while I was spending time with her ...

A regret of mine was I felt rushed... Felt like I needed to hurry up and get out of their way.... HUGE mistake ... I delivered her a lil after midnight and was already home by 9am the next morning ...just 9 hours later! Too short of time ... Take your time... Do what's right for you ....

I also wish I would have had pictures taken with her, and her with her daddy ... HUGE regret ...

Another thing that the hospital done for me was inked her lil feet and hands and made me several things with them and also made a molding of her feet.... I love to rub my fingers gently acrossed her feetprints ..as if I can still feel her ....

I tried to keep as much as I could and got a beautiful memory box... I have several of her items throughout my house though, eventually they will probably end up in her box as well, but for now, I need to see them everyday ...

Hope I wasn't too chatty... just trying to think of things that may or may not be of any use or help ...

If you have any questions or anything, please holler! We are here for you!!:hugs:


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## Hellylou

Oh how awful. There aren't really words, but I am so sorry. It's all so recent you are most likely still in shock.

Nothing will make it better but you are in my thoughts, I am just so sorry to hear this. :cry:


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## hannpin

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. my heart breaks for you :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Hotbump

Im sorry hun :hugs:


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## kelzyboo

I'm so sorry hun, i had a grade 3 placental abruption too, if you need anything pm me x

I'm so sorry, Sleep tight little Angel xxx


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## lilosmum

OH took some pics earlier of me with Lola but I wasn't able to see her for long because they wanted me to go back up and rest. Hopefully tomorrow we can spend somemore time with her and get some more pictures. Thank you for sharing your experience of what has happened it has given me and OH some things to talk about and decide what to do.


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## kam78

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE her name!!!


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## SabrinaKat

I am so sorry for your loss; the ladies here are fantastic....

best wishes and a special prayer for you and Lola...


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## lilosmum

kam78 said:


> I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE her name!!!

Thank you when we spoke to one of the nurses she said that sometimes change the names because they feel the name just doesn't fit anymore but when we saw her we decided she was still our Lola-Marie and that nothing could change that.


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## Elliesmummy

Oh sweetheart so sorry to read this. I am truly thinking of you at such an awful time. Nothing i can say will help ease you pain of make everything better. 

I know its hard to think about but try and spend as much time with her as possible. As the others have said take lots of photos. I only have a few and its something i always regret doing. I wish i had taken photos of my daughters hands and feet. I did get a print of her hands and feet. Maybe something you'd like to do. 

There are many lovely people on here so pleased dont be frightened to talk. The worst thing is to bottle everything up.

xxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

I am so deeply sorry for your loss :cry::cry::cry I love her name also it is beautiful :cloud9: I want you to know I am thinking of you and if you ever need a friend I am here and so are so many other good people. This place has helped me more than I even knew it could. I just am so sorry..XOXOOOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## nkbapbt

Im so sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## Mellybelle

I am so, so sorry. :cry:

R.I.P. Lola-Marie xx Sleep sweetly beautiful Angel. xx


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## Croc-O-Dile

:cry: I'm so sorry, darling. :cry:
I hope you're being gentle on yourself :hugs:

Fly high, Lola-Marie. Another beautiful angel :angel:


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry for your loss. 

My daughter was born sleeping on 3rd April this year at 22+5 and I wanted to just say I understand what you are thinking about the 24 week thing. I felt exactly the same for a while and I know what you mean.

I am not going to offer any advice except to echo what others have said. Spend time doing what you need to in order to get through first the hours, then the days, then the weeks etc There is no such thing as "normal" in this situation. Do only what you need to get by.

My heart breaks for you, I send you hugs and loads of love and hope that the days, weeks and months ahead are kind to you xxxx

Loads of love and kisses to Lola


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## lilosmum

We are still in compete shock but today we spent lots of time with our little girl and took lots of beautiful pictures of her and I got to give her a bath. I still am not sure how to tell people though, my mum has told close family. There is just so much to think about and so much to decide.


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## SarahJane

I know it is difficult as a million things are going through your head but try not to worry about other people. My DH told everyone (everyone close by phone) then everyone else by text with a simple text saying something along the lines of "our daughter was born on Mothers day. She was born sleeping. She was beautiful and we are both really proud parents" we were inundated with support and messages.

I am so pleased you got to spend some time with your gorgeous little girl. Those memories are the ones you will treasure as time passes and you will remember her with a smile in time. Take each day one at a time. Hugs hun xxx


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## lilosmum

Thanks I never thought about texting people a lovely message I will talk to OH.


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## mhazzab

lilosmum said:


> We are still in compete shock but today we spent lots of time with our little girl and took lots of beautiful pictures of her and I got to give her a bath. I still am not sure how to tell people though, my mum has told close family. There is just so much to think about and so much to decide.

i'm so glad you were able to spend the time with her today, and to give her a bath. you will cherish these memories forever.

xxxxx


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## glbell920

Lilosmum, My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. We all know all to well what you're going through. I can relate to your feeling of "what if". The weekend before I lost my baby I thought to go to the ER but waited until Monday. I had been back and forth to the doctor for over a month and everytime they would say everything is fine. So I just waited. After I lost Gavin I beat myself up thinking what if I had just gone. Maybe they would have been able to treat the infection sooner and Gavin would still be with me. Let me tell you..."what if's" are nothing but torture. As mothers we want to do everything we can to protect our babies and when something happens that is out of our control we will drive ourselves crazy with guilt believing that maybe we could have done something to prevent this terrible loss. As much as possible, try not to blame yourself. You love your baby with your whole heart and I'm sure you did everything that was in you power to have a healthy full term baby. May God give you peace and comfort.


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## kam78

Oooo I am so glad you have made all those memories with Lola :kiss: ... Even giving her a bath, it sounds so simple doesn't it, but to us... WOW... What a gift!!:flower:

Sending prayers of comfort your way....:hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so sorry for your loss, I think everything I was going to say has been said so well already. but I wish you the gentlest days possible. Fly High lovely Lola-Marie. xxx


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## kam78

Good Morning!!! :flower:

Just thinking about you and wanted to send you some morning love :hugs:

Prayers of comfort are being sent everyday!!


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## DueSeptember

:hugs:


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## WishingStar

I am so sorry, and to everyone who has experienced this pain. There are no words to describe it. But our Angels will be loved and treasured forever xxx


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## americanhoney

My heart goes out to you...I have never experienced losing a little one but I want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. :cry:

Just as much as you loved your daughter please always know how very much she loved and always will love you. She will always be your baby even if she isn't physically present and I pray you find some comfort in that...no one can ever take that away from you. I pray you will find some comfort and peace in all of this...I personally am a christian and when things like this happen to wonderful people like you it's so hard to understand and accept. I think what God wants us to know is that we all will have trials and we will all have to hurt as long as we're on this earth just as God did when he allowed his son to suffer and die for each one of us. He did it out of love...He loves us more than we can ever imagine and sees your every tear and hears your every cry and prayer. As much as I know you want your little girl on earth with you know that she is in the best care...
God Bless you and your family :hugs:

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."


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## lilosmum

americanhoney said:


> My heart goes out to you...I have never experienced losing a little one but I want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. :cry:
> 
> Just as much as you loved your daughter please always know how very much she loved and always will love you. She will always be your baby even if she isn't physically present and I pray you find some comfort in that...no one can ever take that away from you. I pray you will find some comfort and peace in all of this...I personally am a christian and when things like this happen to wonderful people like you it's so hard to understand and accept. I think what God wants us to know is that we all will have trials and we will all have to hurt as long as we're on this earth just as God did when he allowed his son to suffer and die for each one of us. He did it out of love...He loves us more than we can ever imagine and sees your every tear and hears your every cry and prayer. As much as I know you want your little girl on earth with you know that she is in the best care...
> God Bless you and your family :hugs:
> 
> Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Thank you so much, that was truely touching.


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## Sponge12

Hey,

I justed wanted to say hello and tell you how sorry I am to hear you lost your little girl.

I lost my little girl also a little over 2 years ago, still feels like yesterday, I miss her so much!!!

She was also 23+5, I had a great pregnancy but I want in to ealry labour after going fullterm with both my boys. I had a late stitch put in put 48 hours later I went into full labour. She was alive for 2 days.

I miss her more than words can say. Thinking of you and your little one xx


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## hayley x

I am so sorry :hugs: thinking of you xxx


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## niki_nichole

:( sorry hun


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## mavsprtynpink

I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like a strong person. You would have to be to share your story. Thank you for sharing your story. Now that I am in my second trimester I do worry about loss, and reading others stories lets me know that I will be able to move forward if god for bid anything bad happens. I pray you and your family will find strength in one another.


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## KamIAm

Hi Hon' :flower:

Just checking in on ya... 

Sending loves your way:hugs::hugs:


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## lilosmum

KamIAm said:


> Hi Hon' :flower:
> 
> Just checking in on ya...
> 
> Sending loves your way:hugs::hugs:

We are taking it a day at a time. OH has gone back to work and I am busying myself with Lily but find myself randomly bursting into tears because there is just so much that reminds of little Lola.


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## mhazzab

lilosmum said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Hi Hon' :flower:
> 
> Just checking in on ya...
> 
> Sending loves your way:hugs::hugs:
> 
> We are taking it a day at a time. OH has gone back to work and I am busying myself with Lily but find myself randomly bursting into tears because there is just so much that reminds of little Lola.Click to expand...

:hugs: xxx


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