# am i a bad person?? it a bit long...



## SophiasMummy

me and my babies dad split up just after i found out i was pregnant as he was abusive and i hate abusive men. but he promised that he would send me money everyweek so i could buy things for the baby as i dont have a job. he promised this wen i was 12wks and im now nearly 21 wks. i have had £40 off him in this time and that is it he has sent me this one bit of money and then lied tellin me the cheque was in the post week after week.

but now ive had enough i confronted him over it and he says he has no money though i know he has got money. i said to him i dont care if he just sends like £20 a week or something small like that but he cant be bothered.

ive now told him if he isnt gunna give me money to help pay for baby stuff then im not telling him anything about the baby. which includes the sex, sending scan pics, when i go into labour and im not telling him the babies name or where im moving to as am being kicked out of my family home.

im also scared to death of seeing him after the babies born as last time he went to hit me and im only having anything to do wit him because of baby.

i would just like all single parents opinions on weather you think this is harsh or not??


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## Mindy_mini

Ill be honest - you dont sound like someone whos scared to death of him. If you were im sure you wouldnt be confronting him about money.

I do think you're being unfair... not just on him but on your baby. Your baby deserves to know who his/her father is even if he is a tight arsed plank. by refusing to give him any information on the baby then you are isolating your baby from his or her father

sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear


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## SophiasMummy

its ok i respect ure opinion and understand wat u mean. i didnt know my dad until i was 14 and it not something that i have sed to him lightly. as you can guess this baby wasnt planned and it wasnt through being stupid that i got pregnant i was told by the drs that i couldnt have kids.

u should know though i am scared of him i only confront him over text i wont ring him or even talk to him on the phone and he lives over and hour from me. i watched my mums bf try attack her wen i was 14 and there was nothing i could do cause he was twice my size. hence why im scared of my ex and spent 3 years in counselling becuase i was so scared of men.

and i will let my baby know who its father is and let LO see its father if thats what it wants. but im not making the effort to tell him things if he cant get of his ass and pay for his child.


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## scottishgal89

edit- pm'd you instead :flower:


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## LittleMadam

If he is violent, don't bother with him. Some people think it is unfair to exclude the father from a child's life but do you really want such a role model for your LO? Some children are better off without such parents. If he decides to push for visitation when LO is born, get an agreement for supervised visits. Also, if he is threatening/abusive in anyway document it and/or call the police.

As for the money, let it go until LO is born then contact CSA. That's if you want anything from him by then.


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## SophiasMummy

yeh i think its best that if he wants to see LO then i get supervised visits as im not prepared to meet him alone or leave LO alone with him


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## andbabymakes3

Not sure why you think he should send money before baby is here? Once he/she arrives, fair enough he should pay. But I don't think you can expect him to pay now? You will get money from the government to help you pay for cot/pram etc (500 is the maximum grant I think).

I would be reluctant to deny him any opportunity to be involved with your bubba, regardless of how you feel about him he has a right to be involved (obv if he is violent towards you it's a different story).


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## Laura2919

I think I wouldnt actually bother to be honest! Whats the point? 
He hasnt paid so thats down to him. You dont need to see him. If he dont want to send the money then thats cool, You and your baby make a new life without anything from him! 
Men like that dont deserve chance after chance! If he cant make amends and he hasnt done so far just walk away! 
Sounds like your scared of what you may feel when you see him rather than what he will do! If your that worried he may do something then dont put you and your childs life at risk! 
Good luck!


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## UBC Mom

Because he is abusive, I would forget him, have nothing to do with him, cut him completely out of your life and your child's life. There are good men out there and a good man would love you and your child and provide for both of you. Let the abusive one go and never look back


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