# What time should an 8 and 10 year old go to bed



## Soph&Bump

Hi,

I'd really like to know what time you think an 8 and 10 year old should go to bed. I've asked lots of friends and would like to extend my research. My OH has 2 children from his previous relationship. Some issues with the relationship are causing a really sticking point with me and OH and I fear our relationship is close to ending. We have a 6 month old baby together, having got pregnant after 3 months together last year. 

His kids come and stay about 3 nights a week and it bothers me that they are often (almost always) up until 10 or even later. The 8 year old goes to bed maybe 20 minutes before the 10 year old. Quite often the 10 year old is up past 10 o'clock and there are often episodes of 'Dad, dad...after they have gone to bed, which drags the process out further', so OH can still be going upstairs at 11pm. And this could be on a school night. 

I've tried to get across the need for a sensible bedtime for his children's development and performance at school (I'm a teacher and have seen many a tired child at school). But I also strongly feel that as an adult, I should have the right to have a child free zone from around 9 o'clock. I look after the baby pretty much on my own during the day and usually, though not always, do the bedtime routine on my own. When I come down from a long day of babycare, I'd like to think adult time is not far off. My OH doesn't seem to agree. Because his kids lived in another country for 2 years, he got into the habit of letting them stay up late when he did see them, as their time together was very special. I perfectly understand that but now they are living 2 minutes away and stay here every week, so feel it should be different. I don't feel my needs are being considered.

I'd love to know what other people think. Am I being unreasonable. This is just one of the problems we have as a so called 'blended' family but this is one that really bothers me. 

Any thoughts greatfully received.

Sophie


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## mummy3

Personally I would have the 8 year old to bed at 7 30 and the 10 year old to bed at 8:thumbup:

Maybe a compromise could be they have their own tv/stereo/books to entertain themselves alone in their bedroom for a little while so you and hubby can get some alone time!


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## Soph&Bump

Thanks Mummy3. I would be inclined to agree but sometimes at 7 they are still out playing in the park. I despair as I feel in all the families I've seen, a child of 8 is not that far off bedtime at 7 and certainly not out playing football. OH thinks my expectations of a parent are unrealistic but I think on the sleep issue, children go to bed, or at least their bedrooms, when they are told. But when a dad doesn't want to upset his kids and just wants to be loved, that doesn't happen. I'm going to try and compromise on the time. Unfortunately, when they stay with us they share a room and a double bed, so they find it hard to do things independently and I rarely see them read. Shame, because I think they should. Thanks.


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## kiwimama

I'd definately want the 10 year old in bed around 8pm and the 8 year old at least half an hour earlier than that on school nights. Weekend nights are different I think. I usually got to stay up late on a Saturday night and watch the family movie on tv and went to bed after that. I wouldn't want the kids up until 10pm - I'm in bed by 10pm!! It's no surprise they are up so late though if they are out playing in the park until 7pm. 
Can your OH not compromise with you by at least making sure they are ready for bed early and then after that they need to have quiet time.
It must be so hard, especially if they are allowed up to all hours when home with their mum.


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## babe2ooo

my step son is 9 and he goes to bed at 8


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## mummy3

My hubby is my eldests stepdad,so I kind of know where you are coming from, my hubby is easier on her like you say your hubby is more lenient but tbh a child of 8/10 needs the extra sleep and you're completely right that they should be put to bed when you as a parent say:thumbup:

Its very difficult to discipline, especially as a step parent, but in the long run they will thank you for it!!:hugs:

Also by laying down the law so to speak and setting your boundaries, you are allowing them to feel safe, which when you have been through a lot of changes can be invaluble:hugs:


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## morri

Well I think an 8 and ten year old shouldnt really stay up that late, I don't have any of my own , but I can remember my bedtimes well. Kids should have at least 10 hours of sleep in any case , I went at age 8 , to bed at 7.00 and at ten I was allowed to get to bed at 8. and this stayed like it until I was 14 were I was allowed to go to bed at 9.


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## Boothh

my sister is 10 goes to bed at 10pm
cousins 10 & 11 they go to bed at 9pm

my son is 9month and goes to bed around 8.30!

i dont agree with my mum on letting my sister stay up til 10pm sometimes 11pm if she can get a way with it.. on a school night!!

when my son is at school it will be bedtime 8.00pm then maybe when hes 9 or 10 i dont mind 9pm but certainly not 10,11 etc 

you need a couple of hours peace at night! xx


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## Boothh

morri said:


> Well I think an 8 and ten year old shouldnt really stay up that late, I don't have any of my own , but I can remember my bedtimes well. Kids should have at least 10 hours of sleep in any case , I went at age 8 , to bed at 7.00 and at ten I was allowed to get to bed at 8. and this stayed like it until I was 14 were I was allowed to go to bed at 9.

i think i might have had something to say if i was made to go to bed at 8pm when i was 14 lol i didnt even get home til about 10 when i was 14 !! x


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## xXhayleyXx

My 10 year old in in bed by 9 oclock latest on a school night :)
What time do they usually go bed when they are at their mothers?


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## Soph&Bump

Thanks Hayley. Interestingly, I asked OH and he doesn't know. Can't believe it as if I was in the same situation I would be doing what I could to make sure they had similar bedtimes and routines to avoid disruption.


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## going_crazy

My 8 year old is in bed by 8pm latest on a school night and 8:30pm on a Fri/Sat night. I haven't got a 10 year old, but I agree that after 9pm is late enough for a 10year old escoecially on a school night! xxx


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## DottyLottie

My children are 10 and 11 and still go to bed on a school night at 9pm, up until a year ago it was 8pm.

Fair enough during school holidays and weekends they stay up until pretty much whenever - though they mostly crash out by 11pm even when given free reign.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. What time do the children go to bed at home?


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## Fabmumof3

My son is 8 and goes to bed at 8pm but normally reads till about half 8 then goes to sleep on school nights. At the weekend he stays up an hour later as he can sleep in in the morning.


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## Bambi1985

OH's daughter is 10 and she goes at 8.30. She'll occssionally stay up until 9 if theres something she really wants to watch on tv or she she wants to read in her room


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## Dinoslass

I am all for a child free zone after 9! Even my teenagers know to disappear to their rooms at 9! (school nights)
But an 8 year old would go around 7.30 and a 10 year old around 8 o'clock with me. I might be a bit strict, but I know how children need their sleep! In the holidays it would be later, I am talking school nights. But still before 9 and the over 12 year olds around 10.


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## fordy

my 10 yr old goes to bed at 8pm my 4 and 5 yr old go to bed at 7.30pm sometimes on the weekend i let them stay up til 9pm


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## Chloe's mum02

My daughter goes to bed at 8pm on a school night and 9pm on a weekend and holidays - especially this week as she loves Britain's Got Talent lol :thumbup:

Amy xx


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## Tilliepink

My neice and nephew are 8 and 10 and unless they have soccer or something they are in bed by 8 and if they have soccer 9-930.


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## hypnorm

Dinoslass said:


> I am all for a child free zone after 9! Even my teenagers know to disappear to their rooms at 9! (school nights)
> But an 8 year old would go around 7.30 and a 10 year old around 8 o'clock with me. I might be a bit strict, but I know how children need their sleep! In the holidays it would be later, I am talking school nights. But still before 9 and the over 12 year olds around 10.

i agree, even if not asleep at least they should be ready for bed and in thir rooms reading or something to wind down. I would have them going up at 7 and getting ready, in bed at 7.30 and lights out at 8.


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## Ju_bubbs

My 8 year old goes to bed at 8pm and my 11 year old goes to bed at 9pm... these times aren't so strict at weekends and holidays, they still have to go to their rooms at the same time, but are allowed to do some reading or drawing or something for an hour.


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## xxembobxx

We aim for around 8pm bedtime for my 10 yo and I think she needs that amount of sleep.

I have always been a parent who believes night time is adult time and kids should not be up until they choose. My youngest stays up late at weekends and hols but even then 9:30 is her limit and she usually chooses to go to bed before then anyway.

Even my 16yo is in bed by 10pm in the week. Lazy teenagers!


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## happigail

My very soon to be (7 days) 10 year old is no later than half 8. He would be so unproductive the next day with any less.

I also have a strict no getting up unless you need water or something policy, not just random stuff, else bedtimes don't mean anything!!

Good luck with talking to your partner about it.


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## Nini868

My 10yr old goes to bed at 8pm and reads till 8.30pm - any later and she'd be out doing my bedtime lol..x


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## missrockit

The 8 year old perhaps 8/8.30? The 10 year old maybe 9sh, and maybe an exeption if watching a film. :thumbup:


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## julietz

Mine go up at 8pm on schoolnights and watch a dvd them bed, weekends i let them stay up until 10:30 cos we av games and film nights.


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## smelly07

My 6 year old goes to bed at 8pm and i guess it will stay that time for while yet ......... i think an 8 year old bed time should be about 8pm and a 10 year old no later than 9 x


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## haggle-b

My 10 year old has to go to her room at 8.30 but is allowed to read until 9.00. At weekends she tends to watch a dvd before bed so lights out is 10.30 x


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## loobylou29

My 10 YO goes to bed at 9pm school nights and my 6YO 8pm earlier for bad behaviour but the routine is the important part and you should discuss with their mum what time she has them in bed as your going to get nowhere otherwise xoxox


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## leahsbabybump

i only have a 5.5 year old so not much help with older kids but as a guide he goes to bed about 7pm on a schol night and about 8-8:30 very latest on wekend 

children under the age of 16 need at least 12 hours sleep at night so i would just take it upon your self to determine the time they will wake and go back 12 hours and there you have a suitable bed time 
i watched a show on tv a while ago showing the adverse effects on kids education and lifestyle if they didnt get at least 10 hours sleep at night but 12 is best


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## leahsbabybump

oh yeah forgot to mention i let my son read for a while to himself once he is in bed he turns his lights out when he is ready no tv or games allowed though in bed


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## RachA

I would say pre 9pm with the 8yo going a lot closer to 8pm.
I would allow them to read for a little while but i wouldn't allow tv or games consoles.


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## morri

When I was 8 I think I had to go to bed at 7.30 and at ten years old at 8.


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## Ju_bubbs

My 8 year old goes to bed at 7.30, and my 10 year old goes to bed at 9, unless she wants to read her kindle before she goes to sleep, in which case she has to go at 8.30.
My 12 year old goes to bed at 10, the younger ones wouldn't be up for school if they stayed up til 10 though!


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## Ali33

My daughter is 9 and puts on her jammies and gets into bed at 8 but everything goes off at 8:30. :)


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## Sew_Sweet

It really depends on the child and what time they need to be up in the morning. Some people do well on less sleep while others need more. If you find they are not getting up when they are supposed to in the mornings - they need to go to bed earlier obviously. My daughter is 7 yrs. She needs to get up at around 7:15a.m. She usually starts getting ready for bed around 8:30 and is asleep by 9:00 or 9:30 depending on how much dawdling went on and how long her bedtime reading goes. But she goes right to sleep when the lights are out almost always. This schedule works for us. On the nights that were delayed for one reason or another and she isn't going to sleep until 10 it is TOO much of a challenge to get her awake. Sometimes even the 9:30 nights are too much - so I really try to make sure lights are out at 9:00 when I can. That's a good 10 hours of sleep then which seems agreeable to her.


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## JASMAK

My kids are 7 and almost 9 and they go to bed at 8pm on school nights (a bit later on nights that they have Scouts and Sparks - sometimes as late as 9pm on Souts nights) and can be up as late as 9 or even 10pm (for a special show or activity) on weekends and summer vacation. They wake up in the morning at 7:15am on school mornings, and as they please on weekends or morning we don't have to go anywhere (the most they sleep in until is probably 8am).


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## mum22ttc#3

DD1 is 8 and she goes to bed at 8.30, she shares a room though with her sister so is unable to go and read up there, she instead reads downstairs. 

Next month she will be going into her room so her bedtime will go back to 8.00pm and will be allowed to read till 8.30pm.


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## Mummy2B21

When i was a kid say 8 i was in bed by about 8pm, and at 10 i was in bed about 9 latest.
I think 8pm is a reasonable time for 8-10 year olds.


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## mandy81

My daugter is 9, on school nights she's in bed by 8.30-8.45 and on the weekends I normally let her stay up until about 10 x


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## Vonnie18

My sons are 8 and 6 (almost 7), they go to bed between 8.30 and 9pm depending on how tired they are that night. At the weekend I let them stay up until normally around midnight as they get as long as they want to lie in in the mornings as long as we don't have anything on. If they are tired thought they will just take themselves upstairs and fall asleep, normally watching a DVD lol x


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## xxClaire_24xx

through the week def half 7 and 8 and then at the weekend around 9 and half 9 but id have them in their rooms but half 8 x


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## suzib76

my son is 8 and he gets put to bed at 7 but he has aspergers so we have to start early as it can be as late as 11 some nights before he will settle

my 10 yo dd doesnt really have a bed time as such, she is usually pottering about in her room when her brother goes up to bed, i just leave her to it as she has no problems with sleep or getting up in the morning - she is normally sleeping by 930 at the lateset


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## saitiffeh

I have my 4 year old in bed by 8... for an 8 year old, I might say 9.


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## BradysMum

I'm a teacher too (or was) and I hated seeing poor tired children coming into school. They don't learn as well, they don't behave as well and therefore the other kids don't learn as well and I can't do my job properly. I would have an 8 year old in bed by 8, and a 10 year old in bed by half past. Kids need sleep and grown ups need quiet time!!


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## mummy_of_5

my rules are if under 8yrs old they go to bed at 7:00 once they hit 8 its 8:00 once they hit 10 its 8:30 & at age 12 its 9:00 my oldest is 9 and is looking forward to being 12 she thinks 9:00 is soooo late and very old bless her every one is different in when they send there kids to bed although mine go straight up they wont fall asleep for quite a while


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## Whisper

8pm at the latest.


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## hopeandpray

Depends what time they have to get up at normally. What I would question is what they would be doing at 11 o' clock. It's not like they can play outside and the tv is completely unsuitable!


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## sw2129

My 11yr old step-son goes to bed at 9 on a weekday and 9-30 on a weekend. Maybe a little later if he finishing a dvd. when he was 9 he went to bed at 8 on a weekday and 8.30 on a weekend. Everybody needs there time at the end of the day :)


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