# Feeling ungrateful about MIL and her 'gifts'- very long!



## mrscookie

Hi girls, I don't quite know how to feel really.When I first announced I was pregnant my motherinlaw ran out and bought a boys outfit for our baby. It was blatently a boys, with blue tesco tags inside and everything. I let this go, as upset as I was since I felt she favoured a grandson over a grandaughter.

Since we found out we were having a girl, my mother inlaw has been buying endless clothes for our daughter. No problems there really til we had waaaay too much stuff. Way too much! So I kindly hinted at how much we already have, she buys all ages of clothes, but in babies wardrobe we are keeping newborn and 0-3 only, so I don't start trying to dress her in the wrong age of clothing.

Anyway, the buying continued regardless. I feel bad knowing that my baby will not wear half of the stuff, so I asked hubby to ask her not to buy anymore baby clothes, but other things would be useful since we still needed a cot mobile, baby bouncer chair, toys etc and felt her money would be better spent on things we actually needed if she wished to buy us anymore stuff. 

A few weeks before christmas she was pointing out her fave baby bouncers in the argos catalogue to me, and said that an uncle in the family would be bringing one along christmas day if we chose one. So we chose one, all excited at the thought! At the time I also looked at cot mobiles in the same section of the catalogue, and I mentioned how we needed one. She promptly said '' well maybe santa will bring the baby one'' with a wink. Cool!

Christmas day came, uncle turned up with no bouncer, and he said 'so which one do you want, I will buy it and bring it over after the baby is here and your settled'. I felt a bit crap since its a gift and I shouldnt be so ungrateful, but these bouncers can only be used for a few months 0-6 mostly, and we only see this uncle twice a year maximum. I just said yeah, will let you know thanks for that. Feeling a little peeved but guilty at the same time. Present time came, I opened the babies presents... more clothes. I forced a big smile and said thankyou, although I couldnt help feeling let down that there was no cot mobile like she said there would be, but yet more clothes that we really didn't need. She did get a teddybear though which is cute.. although it did have a christmas jumper on, considering when she is due it will not be christmas anymore so that has just ended up in the loft til next christmas when it will become festively useful again. I went home that day feeling awful, awful for being so ungrateful, yet angry that no one seemed to be listening to requests we had.. granted they are only requests not demands, they can do as they please but it still makes me feel awful.

So I was looking through her clothes last night, some of them not so nice and I would never have picked myself, and it dawned on me that I hadn't bought one outfit myself....they were all from mother inlaw. I never bought anything since she has always had so much, and now I don't even get a say in what my daughter wears since none of it was my choice. Im dressing my daughter how my motherinlaw wants her to look.
Again, massive guilt trip! I should feel grateful but I really don't.. and its horrible.

I recieved a call last night, it was mother inlaw... she said she had some 'goodies' that my hubby was bringing back from hers. I thought ' oh crap, I hope its not a cot mobile as I have been out since christmas and bought one' lol. He walked in with a tesco bag... I looked inside, and there were more baby clothes. I just burst into tears. I had had enough of it... I blame the hormones but I just stormed off to the nursery, and looked at all the clothes hanging in there and thought '' how dare you tell me how to dress my child'' even though I know its all in innocence on her part. She never means to upset me, but I always end up being upset. Cashew is my baby, I will dress her how I want, but now I have so much stuff I feel that I cant buy her anything new as I will be wasting money better spent on things we need, like bouncers!

Why am I so ungrateful and guilty!
:hissy::hissy:


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## KatienSam

dont feel guilty or ungrateful! i would be exactly the same! im glad we didnt find out the sex because my mum picks some awful clothes and then says "sometimes you will have to dress baby in clothes you dont like" errr no i wont lol

it sounds like your requests are falling on deaf ears and that would frustrate me!

tell her you havent enough room for all the clothes and give her some to look after, maybe she will realise how much she has brought!

:hugs: xx


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## tallulah_bean

Aw hun, I would be upset that I hadn't bought any of the clothes too. You want to chose how to dress your daughter, that's understandable :hug:
Seems a bit off that you have basically been told you'll be getting some things that you still need and end up with more clothes :hissy: Has your OH tried talking to his mum? x


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## JayleighAnn

:hugs: my MIL keeps buying us stuff we don't want, and won't listen when we tell her that we don't need it.

She's buying stuff for next christmas, like babies first christmas bibs and outfits. When we tell her that if she wants to buy stuff them maybe to buy one big thing that we would need more, she doesnt listen, goes out and buys more clothes and christmas stuff...I'm due in June...bubs wont use the stuff till s/he is 6 months old or more. 

I'd feel exactly the same as you (I kinda do, I have bought some clothes, but not a lot as MIL won't stop buying stuff, I'm kinda feeling a bit pushed out of it all)

I don't have any advice for you babe as I don't know how to deal with it myself


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## sarahhoney

If I was you I would (without showing) seperate the clothes into sections you like and don't like.
Out of the 'don't like' choose a few 'key' outfits, like smart dresses and put them to one side. Then everything else just shove it in a drawer where you don't have to see it.
Then when the MIL comes over put a 'key' outfit on and if she questions you ever why she's not wearing something in particular you could just say 'oh she wore that yesterday!' worst comes to worst you could have a right giggle and dress her in all the outfits and take pictures to give to MIL!!!

I know its no consolation (don't think thats spelt right!) but there are plenty of other LOs that later on when you drop things off at the charity shop that won't mind them!

Believe me I know my MIL is going to buy ten ton of naff cr*p! Her christmas presents are unbelievablely awful, not that I ever tell my OH he thinks his Mum is great which she is but I know he'll insist on wearing bits that his Mum buys for the LO!!!


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## mrscookie

Yeah he tells her all the time, then next time I see her, she all sheepishly says '' i know i shouldnt have but i got this'' and whips out more clothes... then i have to do the old happy face... because I should appreciate it lol!
xx


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## Aidan's Mummy

Your not ungrateful hunni. Can you not say that she has too many clothes now and you are running out of space to put them??

I hope she gets better hunni. Big hugs :hug:
xx


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## Hevz

Some people are sooooooooooooooo stooooooooooooooooopid aren't they?:dohh:


Take the clothes back to the shops babe, say they were Christmas gifts and swap them for things that you like/want/need. If they're now on sale you may only get sale price back but hey ho....needs must. Nobody will question about receipts coz of Christmas so do it now. If MIL asks where a particular outfit is when you see her just say

"aww...I put it on her this morning but she was really sick on it so I had to put it in the wash"....I used that line sooooooooo many times with stuff I'd taken back to the shop:rofl:


Try and ignore as telling her and hinting is clearly not gonna work](*,)

Get a Mothercare/John Lewis catalogue or something similar and put big rings around the stuff you like/need and see if that helps in the future:hugs:


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## mrscookie

LOL! Good idea hevs! I might aswell get something out of it, if all else fails then its ebay... and any unsellables will go to my local salvation army!
I feel bad, but at the end of the day, she has been told... I can't tell her anymore and refuse to upset myself over something so stupid. I bet there are plenty of people out there needing clothes... I need a frigging baby bouncer chair!
loool!


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## dizzy duck

I don't think she is going to get it no matter what you do, and it must be so frustrating, my MIL is a pain but at least I know she isn't going to by anything, we never get anything even a christmas card. She asks us for money and help instead. I think its best to ignore her and just use the clothes you like. Hope things improve, take care :hugs: XX


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## PrincessSoph

yer i would def take them back - she isnt going to remember everythign she bought for ur daughter. i wouldnt feel bad about it either its your daughter it should be up to you what she wears! Or maybe next time she gives you something try saying oh so and so already bought us this!


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## Beltane

Sometimes people give you what _they_ would want for themselves. Sweet and all but it's not what you want. 

I don't know about where you live, but I would say return it all and go buy the things you want or need. If she asks where they are, say you exchanged them. If she gets angry or hurt, she'll get over it. This is YOUR baby Melbo and no one should be able to take away the little pleasures you've been looking forward to. Trust me, you are NOT being ungrateful. She is stepping on your toes big time. LOVE YOU!


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## mrscookie

Beltane said:


> Sometimes people give you what _they_ would want for themselves. Sweet and all but it's not what you want.
> 
> I don't know about where you live, but I would say return it all and go buy the things you want or need. If she asks where they are, say you exchanged them. If she gets angry or hurt, she'll get over it. This is YOUR baby Melbo and no one should be able to take away the little pleasures you've been looking forward to. Trust me, you are NOT being ungrateful. She is stepping on your toes big time. LOVE YOU!

 
:hugs: love you too xx :) thanks guys


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## beancounter

mothercare were really good at taking back things without a receipt. I got a giftcard and bought a baby sling :) In my case, I took back some defective items, but I'm sure brand new clothes would be ok to go back. especially since you only want to swap them for things you would buy :D


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## Lulu

You are SO not ungrateful! Bless, your MIL is probably just over-excited and getting carried away with herself. But at the same time she needs to take a hint and stop buying things that you have asked her not too!

On a practical level it's probably going to be impossible for your little girl to wear everything that she has bought as she will grow so quickly. I'd feel exactly the same as you though, being upset at the thought that effectively you have been told how/what to dress your baby.

My main problem at the moment is my SIL who has started knitting cardigans/jumpers! Sounds fine but when she let me see them it feels like she's used some hideous 'jaggedy a*se wool' as Billy Connelly would say. Definitely not baby wool, AND she has already washed them in a horrible scented washing powder :( 

People try their best but they don't really think at times do they :doh:


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## icculcaz

sheesh i wish my inlaws would buy us something...... instead of ringing us up and begging 4 money...

not jealous honest...

ok i ae... :)


id go 4 the rings around items in a strategically placed mothercare book..... or even the tesco direct one would work.... ;)


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## nikkip75

id just sell the stuff you dont like on ebay and buy the chair from the proceeds!

i always sell stuff people buy me if i dont like it, an im lucky cos i only see my mil about once a week and hardly see my mum as she lives 100 miles away so they would never know....


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## mrscookie

Thanks for all your advice and im glad to know im not the only one who would feel this way. I only see her once a fortnight but cuz hubby drives past to get to work he often pops in and comes back with stuff. I dread goin over now, i walk into the lounge and she is stood grinning at me sayin 'i know i shouldnt have but i got blah blah'. Let me give my baby an identity myself please! Its mainly all tesco clothes, so i dunno what their policies are for takin stuff back. X ebay it is! Lol x


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## Hevz

Tesco's will take it back babe and just give you a gift card or something...they're pretty helpful:happydance:


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## Sarah88

I hope you get something you want! My MIL keeps buying dresses and ugly clothes for LO too, I don't like putting dresses on Ava coz I spend the whole time pulling them down! Am thinking about ebay-ing them too!


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## Shifter

Oh dear, sorry hun. I hope she buys you _something_ useful, even if it isn't until after the birth. I definitely agree that you should return whatever you don't want and use the proceeds/store credit to get something you do want or need.


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## carmen

Dont feel guilty about it, i think its highly irrating if someone is buying always clothes i mean we not talking about a couple of outfits by the sound of it.

And i think its a lot nicer when people buy you things that are necssitys such as bottles, bouncers etc. as it is very easy for you and OH to buy clothes and i think all parents want to dress the baby in their taste.
Cos if you dont like an outfit you not going to put it on the baby... so its a waste of money.

I would have said before now in a nice way of course... please dont buy any more clothes cos i dont think she will get an oppotunity to wear them all and i dont want you wasting your money. If she doesnt listen.... i would sell them on E-bay and with the money buy new ones to your taste.... if you try the kind way and it doesnt work then sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to make people get the point :hug:


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## bumpity

If she's bought that many she'll not remember everything - I'd keep the ones you like and then return the rest (if they have tags on) and try and sell others on ebay etc. 

Also - go and buy something YOU love for your little girl as her first outfit :D


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## Sarah88

Agreed with bumpity there, even though you have heaps of outfits, go and buy a special one for her to come home in :)


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## passengerrach

awww hun i know how u feel y does every1 buy baby clothes when u would appreciate other stuff much more same as me my oh sister an parents keep buying clothes the baby has enough clothes we still need simple things like a bouncer an even room and bath thermometers which arent expensive that people could buy us but still its all clothes. we want to dress our babys how we like not how others like lol i dont think ur selfish or ungratefull at all


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## mrscookie

carmen said:


> I would have said before now in a nice way of course... please dont buy any more clothes cos i dont think she will get an oppotunity to wear them all and i dont want you wasting your money. If she doesnt listen.... i would sell them on E-bay and with the money buy new ones to your taste.... if you try the kind way and it doesnt work then sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind to make people get the point :hug:

Yeah, I have been saying it since october, hub mentions it everytime she gets something if im not there. She knows, but she does it anyway, so now im just gonna do the old ungrateful bitch act and roll my eyes and go '' oh... more clothes?''
LOL!
xxx:hugs:


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## shelleylu

KatienSam said:


> "sometimes you will have to dress baby in clothes you dont like" errr no i wont lol

I loved that! I know exactly how you feel. When I was pg with my son my mil at the time was exactly the same. She still sees a lot of him now even though we dont live near, and when he stays there (most holidays) he comes home with all sorts. I have probably brought 5-10 outfits for him - ever - and he is nearly 7 now. 

She buys school shoes and trainers etc too. They are sooo expesive so I am very greatful, but she is a lot older than me and isnt massively style conscious. I cant justify spending more money on him on these things when I could spend the money on things we need? I feel bad writing this now!! :(

Me and her son spilt up years ago, but she would like to play Grandma role to my new lo as we're very close. I hope in one way Im not having a girl because I know she'll be twice as bad !!!!

I have no advise for you Melbo Im afraid. Just get yourself a couple of nice outfits for your lo and try and make the best out of a difficult situation. 

:hug:


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## shelleylu

Failing that, Ask her to come round mine - Im dessperate for some new maternity jeans ;) :rofl:


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## Tilly

This sounds like someone I know! you're right it makes you feel so ungrateful, but people keep buying this old shit you don't actually need and buy what they want, rather than what you want!!

Don't feel bad!


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## 6lilpigs

I was going to add the same advice as bumpity. make sure that her 'Coming home outfit' is one you have selected and bought yourself. Even go as far as the first vests and sleepsuits in your hospital bag just to make a point. The rest of the stuff you can have fun returning for what you do like in the summer with Lylah.


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## mrscookie

thanks guys, I agree. Luckily - and I forgot, we do have a coming home outfit for her that was bought by us when we first found out we were having a girl. Her sleepsuits etc were bought by mother inlaw and have minnie mouse all over them lol
xxxxxx


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## Becky

Melbo! Tesco are great about returning stuff! Lukes nan used to buy us loads of stuff from there and I just returned it all and bought stuff like baby milk and nappies instead! One good thing Tesco's do do are socks with grippers on the bottom and these are the only ones that dont fall off Jacob if you were looking to exchange stuff I would recommend those! x


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