# why do people judge us teen mum's **long**



## lucy16

so i'm 17 i had a baby on the 3rd oct 08, for anyone else this is great but because im a teenager its wrong it makes me laugh how people judge us but no matter what age you are it doesnt effect your ability being a mum...im no worse off than anyone 5-10years older than me having a baby i work and i pay my way, im still with my babies dad and he works to..just because we are young people think we are having children for councell houses and benefits wen not all of us are it really gets to me.

what do you all think about people judging young mums is it fair or not?
should we all be sterotyped? is it the problem of too many ''young mums'' having babies and wanting houses or is it the councell giving the houses to asylum seekers and using us teen mum's as an excuse?


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## mz_jackie86

Hey hun, 

Unfortunately thats just the way it is nowadays cos there are so many young people doin it for the free ride so we all get tarred with the same brush.....im 22 and ppl look at me like im to young! 
But what they dnt no is cos i work for a livin i get nothing from the government or the council and u have to be a bum to get something so us lot who work our asses off and dnt sponge still get judged cos we look young!
These people are narrow minded and always judge a book by its cover...let em get on with it cos garanteed none of them have the balls to say anythin to your face! xx


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## lesleyann

*is it the problem of too many ''young mums'' having babies and wanting houses or is it the councell giving the houses to asylum seekers and using us teen mum's as an excuse? *

my mum got kicked out of a 3bedroom council house because we "did not need it" gave it to asylum seekers and moved her in to a 3bedroom council house the other side of town lol but enoth about that lol

teenage mums still have to go into hostels (where i live p'boro) for up to 3months the same as a 30,40 or 50 year old single, married or with a family.

im 17 on thursday i dont work and i live with my mum i was on an E2E ( entry to employment ) course witch started before i got pregnant im leaving that next month to go to young mums... but my partner works and pays over £200 a month in tax for the past 3 years so over ** £7,200 in that 3years** , owns his own car but no doubt we will still get classed as a "young couple living off the goverment" 

so why while baby is young from birth to 6months/1year should i not be aloud to not have a job and claim a little bit i intend on having a part time collage course once baby is here then getting a job when baby is between 6months to 1year old....

but its ok for 30 year olds ( no offence to any one of that age i am talking about someone i know just here ) who have 2 children both in there teens who have not worked for years to be aloud to claim and claim yet no one thinks that is wrong? but us teen mums/parents get slanderd for claiming for even a little while or just being teen mums/parents??


*anyway sorry for the huge essay just wanted to share my opion and things i have seen for myself*


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## x-amy-x

Yeah peopple will always judge. I'm 19 and have a house of my own, a car a job and a soon-to-be husband. Yet people still have to have their 2 cents. Ignore them

:hugs:


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## xkelly

Hya hun, 

I'm 18 and have a 7month old son, me and my partner have a house and share a car. this really pisses me off to. like the other day i was on the met with my son and partner and this woman opposite me wouldn't stop staring at me an my son, like we were dirt. It makes me feel like they think coz im young i dont know how to bring up a child propely, or i don't care. When i know thats not the case, i love my son to pieces.

I understand in a way why older peole do look at us like this, to be honest sometimes if i'm popping to the shop later on at nite bwt 8-9, my son in bed and partner at home. I see teen mums outside the pubs, dancing and drinkin with their babies in the prams. so i'm kind of assuming that when older people see this they expect all teen mums to be like this. When this ain't the case for me, my son is in bed everynite by 8 o clock. 

Sometimes i really feel like saying something to them ,but then again what's the point, let them think what they want. Because you know your a good mum to your baby and thats all that matters. Thats how i see it anyway. 

x


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## asacia

One thing I will say, is that its easy to judge people. Asylum Seekers have already been mentioned a couple of times in this thread, despite there being very few Asylum Seekers in Council Accomodation. People tend to jump to conclusions about any group that is percieved to get benefits - single parents, teenage mothers, asylum seekers, legal immigrants etc.


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## Alexas Mommy

:hug: just wanted to say that no matter how old you are, or what you do, there is always going to be someone out there judging you for some reason. It sucks, but hay, as long as you are taking care of yourself and your baby, then that is all that matters. :hugs:


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## lesleyann

asacia said:


> One thing I will say, is that its easy to judge people. Asylum Seekers have already been mentioned a couple of times in this thread, despite there being very few Asylum Seekers in Council Accomodation. People tend to jump to conclusions about any group that is percieved to get benefits - single parents, teenage mothers, asylum seekers, legal immigrants etc.

i see where your coming from Asacia my part on that was just stating what happend to my mum i dont know if this happens alot or not but my mum got moved from a 3bedroom to a 3bedroom even though she aparently did not need it in the first house to all but 2weeks later see people like that going in and out of our old house constantly......


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## fairywings

mz_jackie86 said:


> But what they dnt no is cos i work for a livin i get nothing from the government or the council and u have to be a bum to get something so us lot who work our asses off and dnt sponge


I am a stay at home mother who is on benefits, I am not a teenager, but I don't think I am a "bum" or "sponge" of the Goverment. It is hard to even exsist on benefits so for people to think it is easy and we do it because we sponge are just as judgemental as people who judge teenage mothers, which I have never done! I take my hat off to you if you can find work, but here it is so hard to find jobs, there are 200 + people going for the same jobs, and to be honset I choose to stay with my kid at the moment, as hard as it is to cope on benefits. If people "sponge" as you put it maybe it is because it is really hard to get a job!

Sorry if my post seems harsh, but I am sick of people looking down at people on benefits, if we can't find a job what are we supposed to do, starve and freeze to death? We just take the help that is on offer.

I know I may get told off for my view, but it just feels like people have a go too much at us, too. :(


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## mum 2 three

im 22 and am pg with my 3rd baby and i get looked down for being young but people dont relise that i have worked and payed taxs since i was 15 iwas made redundant after i had my 2nd child and tryed 2 claim job seekers and was told i cudnt has i hadnt paid enough tax for that year
when people look down at me i dont care cuz i know im a a good mum 2 my kids have my own home and run my husdands business for him as long as my children are happy i dont care what people say or think my kids are importent not small minded people who make comments and looks when they dont know anything about me


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## sparkswillfly

mz_jackie86 said:


> But what they dnt no is cos i work for a livin i get nothing from the government or the council and u have to be a bum to get something so us lot who work our asses off and dnt *sponge*


It was only a few weeks ago that you were saying people should claim what they are entitled to? You seem to have changed your tune.

Edit: Sep11th.... 
Originally Posted by mz_jackie86 View Post
Its nt about take what you can get its takin what you deserve!
I have payed so much damn tax since i started working and u pay tax on everythin u do so why shudnt i get what i deserve and what is rightfully mine!
We have paid for the people who dont work and who have never worked a day in their lives yet we have to feel guilty cos we wanna be there for our children!
Its not takin what you can it taking whats rightfully ours!
And i am no way ever goin to feel guilty about that!!!


And you gave me a hard time because I disagreed with you. But I never ever used the word sponge like you just did.


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## sparkswillfly

But back to the original post. Yes people love to judge. And its not just teenage mums I sometimes get it aswell and Im 22. People are just horrible its a fact of life.


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## pinkmac85

Unfortunately that's just how it is nowadays and I think it's because so many of them do it for a 'free ride'. I know 3 girls that are 16 that are pregnant and have all admitted to getting pregnant so they could drop out of school because they hate school...unfortunately that doesn't sit well with some even tho it's not always the case with teen moms. I also think that it rubs people the wrong way when you hear teens saying "I'm pregnant, it wasn't planned but we didn't use any protection". Once again it's not the situation with all teen moms and I know lots of younger moms that do a great job..maybe someday the outlook on teen moms will change...who knows!


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## kellysays2u

sparkswillfly I wonder if maybe that is her same oppinion. I mean theres people that use the benefits wisely and only what they need and then people that "sponge" just live off the government. I believe that I am entitled to what is offered. But I only use what I need and leave the rest for others who need it more. But I still get mad at people like my OH's father who live off the government and have no job. I guess I just believe that you should use what is offered to you but only what you really really need. Like in the US we are not entitled to medical insurance so if you get pregnant when your 17 but before your child is born you turn 18 you have to pay all those expenses with no insurance. So I signed up for a government given insurance. For pregnant women with not enough income to pay for a medical thing like pregnancy. But we didnt go and apply for assistance on rent or anything like that because we know if we work hard we can pay for it. 

I guess I consider the sponges the people who just take and dont give. People who spend the money they are given from the government on there drinking problem. Or only have the problem with money because they cant understand that there health and there children need to come before alcohol. Or they just think oh I don't need to work cause theres all this help out there that supports me not working...

So maybe her views didnt change but she just came off differently to each one... I dont know please don't get mad at me for writing this I was just saying how I believe it should be.


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## Jemma_x

I am 18 and im at college full time, i dont claim anything and neither does my OH. He works full time and we both still live at home. I hate it when people look down at us because they know nothing


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## starryeye31

I was a very young mom , I had my first baby at age 14 , I still lived with my parents , I did not get help from the state because my babys daddy is really good about paying his support , At 17 I had my second baby , I moved in with my now dh and have been with him since , a long 16 years Im sure people looked down on me too because I had so many babies so young , By the time I was 19 I had 4 babies of my own and 4 step kiddos that lived with dh and I full time , we had our own place , our own cars and dh had a very good job . I hate being judged , Im now 32 years old and having baby number 8 and people look down on me im sure , but I could care less I own my own home and also own a rental home , we own 2 very nice cars and my dh works his butt off to make sure we have everything we need , My step kids are now older 21, 20 , 19 , and 17 they all live with us still accept the 19 year old . I do admit at times I get frusterated with my youngest step daughter , her and the 21 year old are both pregnant , she is 20 , single and dont work , still lives with us and I have no idea what she will do for work because she is a bit slow , the older step daughter at least loves to work and is able to get a job and has lots of experience as a cashier , I look at the younger one and think man when I was that age I had 4 babies of my own , and 4 other kids to care for , but I didnt live at home with my parents , my dad told me to make them move out but I wont just throw them out on the street , I know its hard to earn a living on one income these days . dont let anyone put you down , who cares what others think its your life not theres .


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## jillypoop

at the end of the day, its only you (and your family i spose) that need to be happy with your life, the people that look down on you have pretty pathetic lives if they spend their days giving evils to mums. The frustrating thing I think is that these women will have got married by the time they are 20 and have kids straight after, if not earlier than that, so how do they have any right to judge.
I have only ever got angry at a teenage mum who was 12 who started on my little sister who was 11 at the time and didnt know her. She started threatening my little sis and she was reaaallly heavily pregnant so of course I yelled at her. Other than that, I always smile or say hi because you can tell that they have been given so many dirty looks and if the child is happy and healthy whats wrong with their mum being 17? All that means is that you can run around after your child more than a 50 year old could!

just smile and wave at them! I get dirty looks all the time (dunno why, think im just one of those people lol) so i just wave and yell hi. Its so funny the faces they pull hehehehe. they get all confused and look away :D


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## LongRoadAhead

I hate people that judge before they even understand!
Everyone thinks its the stereotype teen parent who gets a council house and loads of benefits but what they dont know is how bluddy hard it is to even be considerd for a council house!Where I live there isnt alocated council houses around for anyone whos pregnant to have.You have to stay in a hostel for atleast 3 months and even after then your future isnt certain and you could well end up staying in the hostel with a young baby.
And as for benefits.. We arent entitled to anymore than someone with a low income,and do they get judged and looked down on or called spongers..no!
I can claim income support 11 weeks before and 11 weeks after baby is born, but after that I dont have a clue how Im going to survive!
So people really should think before they go judging young parents
Makes me so mad!
Xxx


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## Rach276

Its just the whole dont judge a book by its cover isnt it.


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## sparkswillfly

its a seven year wait for council house around here if ur not homeless. and 1-2 years in temp housing if you are. annoying fact - there is enough empty houses in the uk to house most if not all the people on the housing register.


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## mrsholmes

I dont think its fair to judge teen mums,people forget about the millions of people claiming disability benefits when they are not disabled at all (I do this as part of my job), people who get pregnant on purpose so they do not have to work and will get a free house, I had several friends i their late 20's who did this, it does not have to be 'teenages'! And also people who claim benefits all their lives because they simply do not want to work!


I understand people of all ages have circumstances where they cannot work etc and that what the benefit system is there for. However in alot of cases people are worse off if they do work! For example my friend who is not a teen mum (26) is on income support as she 'cannot afford to work' will be better off finincially than me for the time i am on SMP!


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## Blah11

I think the answer to this is pretty obvious. No, not all teenagers are irresponsible but unfortunately a lot are. I think it's to do with lack of experience and maturity. Stereotypes do exsist for a reason. All you can do is prove your one of the teens who is able to raise a child well :)


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## Blah11

& The whole asylum seeker thing just shows how immature some of you actually are. Do you think those people really wanted to leave their country and come here? Probably not. It must be AWFUL to live in fear :s


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## LongRoadAhead

Blah11 said:


> & The whole asylum seeker thing just shows how immature some of you actually are. Do you think those people really wanted to leave their country and come here? Probably not. It must be AWFUL to live in fear :s

Sorry but I do not agree with you atall.
There are people living in this country who have been braught up here who are homeless and struggling all their lifes and living off pennies
But as soon as an asylum seeker comes over they get everything handed to them on a plate which I think is completley not right


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## Blah11

+ also, there's nothing wrong with claiming benefits if you need to. Both me and my OH work but we'll be claiming working tax credits and council tax relief so we can continue working. I don't agree with people claiming and claiming for years on end like when their kids go to school :\ Its different if their hubby can support them ofc.


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## Blah11

LongRoadAhead said:


> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> & The whole asylum seeker thing just shows how immature some of you actually are. Do you think those people really wanted to leave their country and come here? Probably not. It must be AWFUL to live in fear :s
> 
> Sorry but I do not agree with you atall.
> There are people living in this country who have been braught up here who are homeless and struggling all their lifes and living off pennies
> But as soon as an asylum seeker comes over they get everything handed to them on a plate which I think is completley not rightClick to expand...

I don't think that's true at all. There IS help in the country for whoever needs it, but you can't help people who won't help themselves.


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## LongRoadAhead

Well thats something we are going to have to aggree to disagree on but look at the statistics, Im sure in the UK there are alot more homeless british people than asylum seekers.


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## Serene123

I'm going to write my reply, not read anyone elses, and not come back.

Steriotypes happen to EVERYONE and they're there to be proven wrong. I am a fabulous mother and although I have never been judged to my face *that I can recal* I do feel judged ect. It doesn't bother me. Why should I let it bother me? I'm a better mother than ALOT of people older than me. I live my life for me and Caitlyn, no one else. We will be fine no matter what anyone else thinks.

I challange anyone to call me a bad mother.


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## Always&amp;4ever

I get judged and I'm 24 yet I'm till classed as a "young mum", I ignore what people say


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## Blah11

LongRoadAhead said:


> Well thats something we are going to have to aggree to disagree on but look at the statistics, Im sure in the UK there are alot more homeless british people than asylum seekers.

Yes but how many of those people are homeless b/c of something they've done? Think how many drug addicts and alcoholics are homeless :\


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## tasha41

I'm 19 and I'm having a baby.. and I admit that I still judge teen moms. Not any of the ones I know, but ones I see sometimes on the bus and stuff that are on their cellphones cussing other girls out while their baby is in the stroller, or the ones that dress really slutty!! At my work in the summer this one mum was wearing a tank top that had tied up sides and was low cut and had a slit up the back showing her stretch marks and tattoos. It's so bad of me but I just can't help it.. I know plenty of people who had kids young who can cover up and watch their language!! 

And I don't think getting a cheque from the government is bad at all if you don't have to lie or anything to qualify for it. I'm applying for everything and I'm taking everything I can get, why not if I can and it'll make life a little bit easier for me and the baby?


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## asacia

LongRoadAhead said:


> Sorry but I do not agree with you atall.
> There are people living in this country who have been braught up here who are homeless and struggling all their lifes and living off pennies
> But as soon as an asylum seeker comes over they get everything handed to them on a plate which I think is completley not right

Local housing authorities have a statutory obligation to ensure that suitable accommodation is available for applicants who are eligible for assistance, have become homeless through no fault of their own, and who fall within a priority need group. (Vunerable might mean elderly, pregnant, with children, domestic violence, physical or mental health problems etc).

There are very few people who are homeless through no fault of thier own who won't be housed by the goverment. 

I can't think of any situation where someone would be homeless, except through thier own fault or through addiction.

The council has no duty to house a single healthy male, but he would be able to get a crisis loan to cover the deposit on a bedsit, then claim Job Seekers Allowance and Housing Benefit. 

Asylum seekers aren't handed everything on a plate. They aren't allowed to work whilst thier claim is being assessed, and are on limited benefits - 80% of what other people recieve (£40 a week income support is all that can be claimed). 

Homelessness is a small problem. While there are a lot of 'legally homeless' people, it is estimated that as at June 2008 there were 483 people sleeping rough in England on any single night. That isn't that many.


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## LongRoadAhead

Then you try and apply for a council house in Devon love and see where you get


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## Blah11

LongRoadAhead said:


> Then you try and apply for a council house in Devon love and see where you get

you're not homeless.. obviously.


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## LongRoadAhead

Did I ever mention that I was homeless?
Even if my parents were to make me homeless, I would end up in a hostel and thats all.
I am not argueing on here. You said your opinion, I said mine.
End of yes


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## asacia

LongRoadAhead said:


> Then you try and apply for a council house in Devon love and see where you get

I'm not homeless.

If I was homeless, I'd be classed as 'vunerable' (due to disability aswell as pregnancy) and the council would have a duty to provide me with suitable accomodation.

There is often a wait for council houses, and I think that is fair. 'Beggars can't be choosers' and I think that the provisons in place for homeless people are more than adequate.


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## Blah11

Well what was the 'you try getting a council house in devon love' comment about?


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## Blah11

Also, just to add, the asylum seekers who 'take our jobs and homes' usually end up with the jobs and houses we're too proud to take.


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## Sarah-Jane

Just read through the whole thread, got a bit feisty in most parts but you're all right to be fair.
I've just turned 18 and am 23 weeks pregnant. As I'm showing now, the dirty looks I get are unreal, some annoy me and others I just laugh off and think they need to grow up.
I also admit, I have slagged teen mums/parents off because of the are I live in. As Tasha41 said earlier, I see teen mums out with their kids, swearing and abusing people over the phone infront of their children (and other people), dressing like slappers, and screaming at their kids for no reason... but I'd also like to add, it's not just teen parents that act in this dreadful way so I don't understand where the stereotyping comes from if I'm honest.
I'm not claiming benefits as I don't really need them at the mo, but I don't see what is wrong with claiming them. Yes, people take them for granted and yes people do get pregnant to get abit of extra money and we'll always wonder why... but at the end of the day, if someone needs them then go for it. I'd never judge someone that is one benefits when you can clearly tell the money is going to good use to mother and child and NOT on drugs, cigs and alcohol.
This will always be an argument all over the world, even in 100 years time and there's unfortunately nothing we can do to stop people judging us teen/young parents but we've just got to take it as a pinch of salt and laugh it off... after all if they've got the time to sit there and stare, judge and give abuse to people who they know nothing about then they need to get a life.
Sorry for the essay lol xxx


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## asacia

LongRoadAhead said:


> Did I ever mention that I was homeless?
> Even if my parents were to make me homeless, I would end up in a hostel and thats all.
> I am not argueing on here. You said your opinion, I said mine.
> End of yes

One interesting fact, of the 'accepted' homelessness applications recieved in Q4 2007, 71 per cent of were from households classified as White, and 23 per cent from an ethnic minority group.

So the vast majority of homeless people who are housed are white.

And I think a hostel is more than adequate as a short term solution to homelessness. Of all homeless people rehomed, 87 per cent of households were in self-contained accommodation. Not many are in hostels or B&B accomodation.


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## sparkswillfly

Despite what people think....... and despite what you read in the tabloids or the scummy mail. Asylum seekers/people from other countries/ethnic minorites etc are NOT handed everything on a plate and are definitely not given priority when it comes to housing. Priority in terms of housing is done on vulnerability/health/over crowding and poor living conditions. Race will never play a part in it. I think its a good thing that we live in a country that is fortunate enough to be able to offer help to those who are less unfortunate i.e. people escaping war and persecution. And as someone mentioned before people from other countries do generally do the jobs we dont want to do and they pay their taxes just like the rest of us.

And before anyone says but 'we should help our own before helping others' I think this country does a bloody good job of helping its own citizens as well.

As for 'you should try applying for a council house in devon see where you get' there is a very significant shortage of council housing all over the country not just in devon. As I previously mentioned the wait where I live is 7-10 years for a non homeless family on a low income, or 2 years in temp accommodation of the homeless. I dont think it can get any worse than that.


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## Pyrrhic

sparkswillfly said:


> Despite what people think....... and despite what you read in the tabloids or the scummy mail. Asylum seekers/people from other countries/ethnic minorites etc are NOT handed everything on a plate and are definitely not given priority when it comes to housing. Priority in terms of housing is done on vulnerability/health/over crowding and poor living conditions. Race will never play a part in it. I think its a good thing that we live in a country that is fortunate enough to be able to offer help to those who are less unfortunate i.e. people escaping war and persecution. And as someone mentioned before people from other countries do generally do the jobs we dont want to do and they pay their taxes just like the rest of us.

Exactly this. 

It sounds as though some people in this thread have swallowed the Daily Mail whole. There is a saying:

"believe nothing that you hear, and half of what you read." 

It's a pretty good mantra to live by. Foreign people are not stealing all our houses and jobs and scrounging off the government, but what they are doing is support our economy by doing a lot of jobs that British people won't do.

Previously I was an employer, and the amount of British people I had come for interviews that just couldn't be arsed, or were only turning up to meet their benefits requirement was ridiculous. Or they'd turn up for a week then never show again. No idea why, maybe they thought being a cleaner was 'beneth them' or they just couldn't be arsed to do an honest day's work and living off benefits was easier. (Yes I had great British staff too) However, _every single one_ of my eastern european staff were always early, worked hard, wanted extra hours and were model employees. I never once had any problems with any of them.


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## mz_jackie86

fairywings said:


> mz_jackie86 said:
> 
> 
> But what they dnt no is cos i work for a livin i get nothing from the government or the council and u have to be a bum to get something so us lot who work our asses off and dnt sponge
> 
> 
> I am a stay at home mother who is on benefits, I am not a teenager, but I don't think I am a "bum" or "sponge" of the Goverment. It is hard to even exsist on benefits so for people to think it is easy and we do it because we sponge are just as judgemental as people who judge teenage mothers, which I have never done! I take my hat off to you if you can find work, but here it is so hard to find jobs, there are 200 + people going for the same jobs, and to be honset I choose to stay with my kid at the moment, as hard as it is to cope on benefits. If people "sponge" as you put it maybe it is because it is really hard to get a job!
> 
> Sorry if my post seems harsh, but I am sick of people looking down at people on benefits, if we can't find a job what are we supposed to do, starve and freeze to death? We just take the help that is on offer.
> 
> I know I may get told off for my view, but it just feels like people have a go too much at us, too. :(Click to expand...


Sorry if i offended you with what i said! I didnt mean to at all!
What i meant is that people who refuse to work who dont even think about doing it!
When i have my baby i wont work ill be on Maternity leave but i will be on benefits (cos i dnt qualify for maternity pay) as well so i dnt look down on anyone who is on benefits.
Its just the people who literally SPONGE off the government and are just out to get what they can and dnt even use that money for their babies just to go out and get drunk and some of those are my friends that really get me annoyed...

So i do apologise if i offended you its not the "good parents" i have a problem with i put my hat off to you for bein full time mums..


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## PixieKitty

Sarah-Jane said:


> Just read through the whole thread, got a bit feisty in most parts but you're all right to be fair.
> I've just turned 18 and am 23 weeks pregnant. As I'm showing now, the dirty looks I get are unreal, some annoy me and others I just laugh off and think they need to grow up.
> I also admit, I have slagged teen mums/parents off because of the are I live in. As Tasha41 said earlier, I see teen mums out with their kids, swearing and abusing people over the phone infront of their children (and other people), dressing like slappers, and screaming at their kids for no reason... but I'd also like to add, it's not just teen parents that act in this dreadful way so I don't understand where the stereotyping comes from if I'm honest.
> I'm not claiming benefits as I don't really need them at the mo, but I don't see what is wrong with claiming them. Yes, people take them for granted and yes people do get pregnant to get abit of extra money and we'll always wonder why... but at the end of the day, if someone needs them then go for it. I'd never judge someone that is one benefits when you can clearly tell the money is going to good use to mother and child and NOT on drugs, cigs and alcohol.
> This will always be an argument all over the world, even in 100 years time and there's unfortunately nothing we can do to stop people judging us teen/young parents but we've just got to take it as a pinch of salt and laugh it off... after all if they've got the time to sit there and stare, judge and give abuse to people who they know nothing about then they need to get a life.
> Sorry for the essay lol xxx



I agree with you wholeheartedly!
I also agree with what Blah said about Aslyum Seekers, very true, very true.

Also, foriegners get judged a hell of a lot more than teenage mothers (I know this from experience, my sister's half Lebanese and has had enough racist remarks, even threats and she doesn't even look that foreign :S and being a pregnant teen I've seen the looks/heard the comments.) 
Discrimination's discrimination, you can't expect to not be judged by people especially as you quite obviously judge those on benefits/foreigners. It's a two way street is all I'm saying :blush:


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## hellotasha

everybody gets judged hun, its just how the world is. some people have nothing better to do than to poke their noses into other peoples lives x


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## Zarababy1

When i was pregnant i got ppl lookin down there noses at me all the time and im 21! now iv had charlie ppl dont seem to be botherd im must have aged! :(


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## mz_jackie86

sparkswillfly said:


> mz_jackie86 said:
> 
> 
> But what they dnt no is cos i work for a livin i get nothing from the government or the council and u have to be a bum to get something so us lot who work our asses off and dnt *sponge*
> 
> 
> It was only a few weeks ago that you were saying people should claim what they are entitled to? You seem to have changed your tune.
> 
> Edit: Sep11th....
> Originally Posted by mz_jackie86 View Post
> Its nt about take what you can get its takin what you deserve!
> I have payed so much damn tax since i started working and u pay tax on everythin u do so why shudnt i get what i deserve and what is rightfully mine!
> We have paid for the people who dont work and who have never worked a day in their lives yet we have to feel guilty cos we wanna be there for our children!
> Its not takin what you can it taking whats rightfully ours!
> And i am no way ever goin to feel guilty about that!!!
> 
> 
> And you gave me a hard time because I disagreed with you. But I never ever used the word sponge like you just did.Click to expand...

I havent changed my opinion at all i still think you shud get what is rightfully yours and i dont have a problem with people on benefits.
As i said before i have a problem with the sponges who wont even think of workin cos they can get what they want from the government yet havent done a days work in their lives. And dnt spend their money on their kids but on theirselves.
And im guessing evry1 else prob feels the same.

And as for giving you a hard time i did no such thing, but i apologise if u feel i did.


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## fairywings

mz_jackie86 said:


> fairywings said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mz_jackie86 said:
> 
> 
> But what they dnt no is cos i work for a livin i get nothing from the government or the council and u have to be a bum to get something so us lot who work our asses off and dnt sponge
> 
> 
> I am a stay at home mother who is on benefits, I am not a teenager, but I don't think I am a "bum" or "sponge" of the Goverment. It is hard to even exsist on benefits so for people to think it is easy and we do it because we sponge are just as judgemental as people who judge teenage mothers, which I have never done! I take my hat off to you if you can find work, but here it is so hard to find jobs, there are 200 + people going for the same jobs, and to be honset I choose to stay with my kid at the moment, as hard as it is to cope on benefits. If people "sponge" as you put it maybe it is because it is really hard to get a job!
> 
> Sorry if my post seems harsh, but I am sick of people looking down at people on benefits, if we can't find a job what are we supposed to do, starve and freeze to death? We just take the help that is on offer.
> 
> I know I may get told off for my view, but it just feels like people have a go too much at us, too. :(Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Sorry if i offended you with what i said! I didnt mean to at all!
> What i meant is that people who refuse to work who dont even think about doing it!
> When i have my baby i wont work ill be on Maternity leave but i will be on benefits (cos i dnt qualify for maternity pay) as well so i dnt look down on anyone who is on benefits.
> Its just the people who literally SPONGE off the government and are just out to get what they can and dnt even use that money for their babies just to go out and get drunk and some of those are my friends that really get me annoyed...
> 
> So i do apologise if i offended you its not the "good parents" i have a problem with i put my hat off to you for bein full time mums..Click to expand...


It is ok, it just really bothers me if any parent, young or older, get judged for not working and it pisses me off. I would never spend the money I am given on anyone but Amy, food and heating. That is what I get the money for, and with being PG again (I was careful and have actually not been judged, people have been positive, to my surprise), I know I will want to be with them until they are in school, but then I would want to work, there would be no reason for me to not, I like working and would shovel dirt if it meant keeping my family.

I was just very hormonal when I wrote that, but it is ok. I am not mad. :) x


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## asacia

I think perhaps a lot of the 'judgement' comes from people who've had to delay getting pregnant due to financial reasons. It must be hard to work so hard for so long, to get to a position to afford kids, when other people just pop them out and rely on the state. I imagine that a larger percentage of young mothers rely on the state compared to older mothers. Probably wrong to judge, but understandable I think. Like someone said above, stereotypes exist for a reason, but its wrong to forget that there are always plenty of exceptions. 

(I'm not sure what I count as. I'm 21 and pregnant, and I claim Incapacity Benefit and Disability Living Allowance because I'm unable to work. )


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## sleepinbeauty

They judge because they suck. They're close-minded and unhappy and they need to make everyone else unhappy too. Don't listen to them. I'm sure you're a great parent <3


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## beija_flor

As I've said before here, I think people who judge teenage girls who are already pregnant are ridiculous.

However, underage girls who are clearly on the path to becoming pregnant need to be helped and made aware of some harsh realities. It should never be glamourized or downplayed. I can't speak from experience, but just reading some of the posts here and in the "single parents" forum (teenage pregnancy almost always seems to go hand-in-hand with single motherhood) make me empathize with the very hard things these women face.


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## sparkswillfly

beija_flor said:


> As I've said before here, I think people who judge teenage girls who are already pregnant are ridiculous.
> 
> However, underage girls who are clearly on the path to becoming pregnant need to be helped and made aware of some harsh realities. It should never be glamourized or downplayed. I can't speak from experience, but just reading some of the posts here and in the "single parents" forum *(teenage pregnancy almost always seems to go hand-in-hand with single motherhood)* make me empathize with the very hard things these women face.

That is true. I dont know how single mothers cope so well, I couldnt do it. I would be lost without my OH. Coupled with being so young themselves people should respect them for doing such a great job on their own not put them down.


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## mrsholmes

sparkswillfly said:


> beija_flor said:
> 
> 
> As I've said before here, I think people who judge teenage girls who are already pregnant are ridiculous.
> 
> However, underage girls who are clearly on the path to becoming pregnant need to be helped and made aware of some harsh realities. It should never be glamourized or downplayed. I can't speak from experience, but just reading some of the posts here and in the "single parents" forum *(teenage pregnancy almost always seems to go hand-in-hand with single motherhood)* make me empathize with the very hard things these women face.
> 
> That is true. I dont know how single mothers cope so well, I couldnt do it. I would be lost without my OH. Coupled with being so young themselves people should respect them for doing such a great job on their own not put them down.Click to expand...

I agree! and also that EVERYONE gets judged, only a whle back someone commented that people who work full time shouldn't have kids as their babies are brought up in creches! I do not have a choice about going back to work, but why should I give up having children!


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## tasha41

beija_flor said:


> As I've said before here, I think people who judge teenage girls who are already pregnant are ridiculous.
> 
> However, underage girls who are clearly on the path to becoming pregnant need to be helped and made aware of some harsh realities. It should never be glamourized or downplayed. I can't speak from experience, but just reading some of the posts here and in the "single parents" forum (teenage pregnancy almost always seems to go hand-in-hand with single motherhood) make me empathize with the very hard things these women face.

I couldn't agree more with you and I wish I could hit "thanks" on your post 80 million times..

I don't want to say very much at the risk of being harshly criticized, but I will say that while it's fantastic for girls to get all the support they're getting these days (especially in Canada- Ontario, specifically).. and to hear all the happy stories and have support from their families, it kind of makes it all seem more manageable which might make it more enticing for a teenage girl to have a baby.


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## pinkmac85

tasha41 said:


> beija_flor said:
> 
> 
> As I've said before here, I think people who judge teenage girls who are already pregnant are ridiculous.
> 
> However, underage girls who are clearly on the path to becoming pregnant need to be helped and made aware of some harsh realities. It should never be glamourized or downplayed. I can't speak from experience, but just reading some of the posts here and in the "single parents" forum (teenage pregnancy almost always seems to go hand-in-hand with single motherhood) make me empathize with the very hard things these women face.
> 
> I couldn't agree more with you and I wish I could hit "thanks" on your post 80 million times..
> 
> I don't want to say very much at the risk of being harshly criticized, but I will say that while it's fantastic for girls to get all the support they're getting these days (especially in Canada- Ontario, specifically).. and to hear all the happy stories and have support from their families, it kind of makes it all seem more manageable which might make it more enticing for a teenage girl to have a baby.Click to expand...

Both of you took the words right out of my mouth!


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## beija_flor

sparkswillfly said:


> That is true. I dont know how single mothers cope so well, I couldnt do it. I would be lost without my OH. Coupled with being so young themselves people should respect them for doing such a great job on their own not put them down.

Saying this sort of stuff always makes me feel like I'm coming off as a self-satisfied twat, but I feel so bad for the young women who write about what it's like bumping into the horrible fathers of their children at supermarkets and the *******s pretending that the toddler in the supermarket cart doesn't even exist.

Even though I know I'm going to be the primary force bringing up my baby (I mean, we've always planned it this way - my husband will work full-time and I'll be working at most half-time), there are so many little irreplaceable things in a pregnancy, much before the birth, that you need your life partner to do that I took for granted before reading how real 18-year-old pregnant, alone and frightened women feel on this site. Spooning at night and making you feel safe and protected, telling you you're beautiful (and being semi-convincing about it!), holding your hand on a busy street, giving you a hug when you feel morbidly afraid of labor, going to appointments with you, making late-night store runs for cheese puffs. Hell, picking out a crib and carseat. I can't even begin to imagine how lonely and scared I'd be if I didn't have all that, and if I were only a teen? Jesus.


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## beija_flor

tasha41 said:


> I couldn't agree more with you and I wish I could hit "thanks" on your post 80 million times..
> 
> I don't want to say very much at the risk of being harshly criticized, but I will say that while it's fantastic for girls to get all the support they're getting these days (especially in Canada- Ontario, specifically).. and to hear all the happy stories and have support from their families, it kind of makes it all seem more manageable which might make it more enticing for a teenage girl to have a baby.

There was a very good article in the October _Marie Claire _ about the little town in Pennsylvania where there had been a "pregnancy pact" this year, i.e. 17 high school girls plotting to get pregnant and raise their babies together. They explored the issues behind it, such as poverty and lack of importance put on higher learning. I think one of the downright most compelling reasons for a young girl to seek getting pregnant is coming from a broken or difficult home situation, so they'll want to have a baby to feel its unconditional love towards them.

I also want to say that when I said teen pregnancy should never be glamourized in the OP - I didn't mean by that, Jamie Lynn Spears for example. There are a lot of people who are offensively critical of her for "enticing the teenage girls of today to become mothers". That's downright foolish. Admittedly, a young girl who's troubled and doesn't believe in her own future could run across articles with beautiful, happy photos of Jamie Lynn and her baby and think "I wish I could have that", but that's where parents and educators need to come in, as with every misleading media issue that affects children and teens, and put things into perspective. For example "I know she says that 'being a mom is the best feeling in the world!', but even though she's only 17, she's not like most teenagers. She has held down a job for some while, has millions in the bank, her own house and is in a stable relationship. You don't have any of those things"


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## luciekate

Im fifteen, pregnant and tired of being judged. Fortunatley i have a boyfriend who is standing by me and has stood by me through alot. I just hate how its always your underage you cant do it. I hate it right now if there is anything i need it is support not critisms ill take the truth but i dont need people telling me that i have ruined my life. I will prove them wrong and i will be okay and i will cope with my boyfriend and i will proceed into futher education x


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## Dinoslass

People always keep judging anyways. Being a young mum sticks with you also when the children are older, as then you are at school evenings with other (much older) parents and you keep being judged, so just ignore it. Everyone can be a good mum, no matter what age, it has more to do with the person than the age.


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## Eve

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my first child. I was judged but I understood why... even though it did bother me. Thing is, it isn't good having children young and most people young and old know that. Your body first of all isn't in the best position to have babies, let alone most people who are under the age of 18 should still be in school, therefor do not have a full time job to support their baby. I know I didn't! I had to go on government assistance, but I didn't get housing, I chose an apartment I liked close to everything as I didn't have a car and would have to walk everywhere. 

Even after being through that whole situation and being a single mother at 18 (when I delivered) I still tend to judge. I feel as though if you do not have a stable home for a baby, enough money to support the baby, regardless of age, you shouldn't get pregnant. Some people are out there in the 20's 30's even 40's who shouldn't be having kids. If you are able to support your children then have them all you want! Being a good mother doesn't always come with age :) Teen mom's can be GREAT moms!! :D


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