# Older children during birth?



## lilmisscaviar

I'm a long way from giving birth I know but this has been on my mind for a few weeks now. What I'm wondering is what your thoughts are about having your older children in the room during your baby's birth? My DH is against having any of them in the room but I wanted my oldest daughter to experience the birth of one of her siblings since we're planning on this being our last baby. Will any of you be having your children in the birth room or will you be having them stay with someone when the time comes?


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## second.time

My mother had home births for her last three children and I was one of the oldest. I was seven when my sister was born and ten when my brother was born. I was there for both births. To be honest I remember finding it a little awkward and weird; I didn't want to look during the pushing and I remember being freaked out by seeing my mom in so much pain and unable to really engage with me. But I definitely wasn't traumatized or anything and I'm glad I was able to be part of the experience. 

My 4-year-old won't be in the room with me. I don't think he's old enough to really grasp what's happening and I don't want the distraction of worrying about him. So either my husband will have to be with him or, fingers crossed, one of our parents will be able to be there and look out for him.


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## becsboo

i know its a natural process but its not something i would want my children to see


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## Srrme

I had my two oldest boys in the room with me while I delivered my third son. They sat on the couch off to the side (and did not have a clear view of "things") and did awesome. After he was born, he was given to my husband while I was stitched up and they all sat on the couch together. :) They were also all present during my home birth with their sister, and again, did great!


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## MindUtopia

I'm planning to have a home birth, so yes, ideally we'd like our daughter (who will be 4) with us. She was born at home too, so we've always talked about birth and she's watched birth videos and is very excited about seeing her baby sibling born. When it comes down to it, who knows if she'll actually want to be there, but as it will be at home, she can always go to another room in the house if she wants. If it's during the night and she's asleep though, we probably wouldn't necessarily wake her if she didn't wake on her own. But yes, I think it's lovely for them to be there if they want to be and if you feel comfortable. Obviously, the most important thing is that you feel relaxed and comfortable. Personally, I would feel more relaxed knowing she was with us than somewhere else. We also don't really easily have other childcare options. No family nearby and our closest friend who would realistically be able to help is an hour away. If we needed to be in hospital though, we would arrange for our friend to take her for the night. They don't allow children on the labour wards here, though they can visit before or after of course, just not when you're in active labour.


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## Feronia

My two year old daughter was at the home birth of my son and she did fabulously. We prepared by watching birth videos, taking her to midwife appointments, and talking about the whole process. She felt very involved and the two of them are very close.


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## NDH

My 2 1/2 and 4yo were present at my 3rd birth. They loved it and still talk about it. There are books geared towards preparing children to watch a sibling being born, and youtube is an excellent resource for finding birth videos for kids to watch in preparation. We also did lots of practicing birth sounds together so they wouldn't be scared if I was particularly vocal. I suggest that if you do have them present you have someone elae who is there just for them who can take them out of the room if it becomes too much for them or you (kids can be distracting)
Here's a video of my birth where you can see the kids being really involved.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG9_N-WkHTg


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## LaurelH

Definitely! We had our 3.5 yr old daughter at the birth of our son. It was a magical and beautiful experience. I am so grateful that she was there with us. It felt natural and entirely appropriate. It has given her and us some memories that we will cherish forever.

What I would say though is be prepared. 

We hypnobirthed and had a waterbirth at home waterbirth. It was calm and controlled. I wouldn't advise having kids at the birth unless you feel prepared and confident in this way. But if you are, then go for it!!! 

L x


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## WackyMumof2

I personally wouldn't. But I won't even have my mother there. I am a very private person and I believe that birth is a personal and private event. I won't agree to anyone else being there that is not my midwife or partner. That's my own feeling though.

If for you having your children there and involved feels right to you, then go for it! :)


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## Zephram

When I have my third in February DS1 will be 5 and DS2 will be 2 and I won't be having either one of them anywhere near the birth. 

I have had complications - EMCS with my first and managed a VBAC with my second but ended up with a forceps delivery and third degree tear and episiotomy with my second. I don't think having them there under those circumstances would be a positive thing for them, they'd likely find it scary. Hoping for another VBAC but given my history it's not likely to be an easy birth.


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## jade1991

It's a lovely idea. My friend had her two daughters at her birth (home birth) and also hypnobirthed and by all accounts it was beautiful. 

I had a horrendous birth with my daughter and I really didn't cope well, so I wouldn't like to have her with me or even around me while I'm labouring this time as I don't want to frighten her. She's 5 and very very sensitive when it comes to me, even at my scan she held my hand and looked really scared, She asked the lady why she was putting that thing on my tummy and is it hurting me :( bless her. My mum will come and stay with her for us x


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