# The death of my son is scheduled for Thursday



## Peanutt

:cry:
I'm 18 weeks, will be 19 weeks and will be getting a D&E (please don't judge). He has full Trisomy 18. They can't find a stomach or a bladder. He has a bad heart arrhythmia. His brain isn't properly developed. The list of problems goes on and on. I've been spotting and so my doctor feels my body has recognized something is very wrong and he won't make it to term.
We've named him Nathan. He would have been my first. We've been TTC for over two years. He was going to be my rainbow baby after a miscarriage I had last year.

My precious little boy and I can't do anything to fix him. :cry:


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## sophxx

So sorry for you loss. X


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## bdb84

I'm so sorry :(


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## BabyCleo

I am so so sorry. Remember - he will come back to you, I promise. His little soul will return, maybe not as a boy, (or maybe!) but he will be back. 

Sending much love. <3


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## Boozlebub

I am so sorry for your loss x


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## Peanutt

BabyCleo said:


> I am so so sorry. Remember - he will come back to you, I promise. His little soul will return, maybe not as a boy, (or maybe!) but he will be back.
> 
> Sending much love. <3


I hope so. He's tried so hard to overcome his T18 but some obstacles are too much for such little feet. 
It's a small amount of comfort I take in knowing his grandma is in heaven and will be there for him when the time comes.

Still hard.


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## george83

I'm so so sorry x x x x x


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Nobody could ever judge you, ever.. I am so sorry I know exactly what your going through..It is just a horrible thing to go through..I wish you all the best..Love & Peace XXOOXOX<3:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## calm

I'm so sorry hun :(


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## tummymummy87

I am so sorry you are going through this, sending hugs and love xxxx


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## wookie130

Words really always fail me...I'm so very sorry, though I know that's not enough. :hugs:


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## justplay91

I'm so, so sorry Peanutt. I know we're all thinking of you today. I wish you a good recovery and peace in your heart.


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## Peanutt

My darling Nathan is in Heaven and playing with his grandma now.


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## sportysgirl

Thoughts and prayers are with you. Not an easy thing to go through xx


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## ceve

Dear Peanutt,

I am so sorry for the loss of your rainbow baby Nathan. No one is judging you here, don't worry. We all ache together :hugs:. Wishing you much courage in the coming days.

Cee


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## twinmummy06

You made a selfless choice out of love for Nathan :hugs: 
My heart aches for you, stay strong and be kind to yourself.

Fly high Nathan.


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## wookie130

Praying for you, Peanutt. You will one day meet Nathan again. :hugs:


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## Boozlebub

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy x


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## wildflower79

So so sorry peanutt for the loss of your precious boy :hugs: xxx


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## Peanutt

I never held you, but I feel you
You never spoke, but I hear you
I never met you, but I love you


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## LDC

Sending love to you peanutt - I know how hard it is and how crap it feels. Xxx


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## MrsHopeful

So sorry for your loss :-(


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## elmaynet

I'm so very sorry that you have had to face this tragedy. Nathan knows your love and always will.


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## danser55

I'm so sorry for the loss your boy Nathan


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## xxmyheartxx

I'm so sorry for your loss of Nathan :hugs: xxx


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## Peanutt

Gosh. I haven't looked at this board since July. It feels like it was yesterday and it feels like it was a lifetime ago.

I was having spotting for two weeks prior to my termination date. My doctor said he thought my body had recognized something was wrong and was starting to miscarry. Basically Nathan wasn't going to carry to term no matter what.
The morning of my scheduled date, my water broke and I was admitted to the hospital. Then I started bleeding heavily so they whisked me away to surgery. 

I'm still mourning but I'm healthy. I think we're going to start trying again next month. Since I'm 36, will be 37 in a few months, time isn't on my side.

I got a tattoo in Nathan's honor. It's the only one I have and had it put on my ribs. It was the only way I could think of that my little guy could leave his mark on the world. 
The blue ribbon is a Trisomy 18 awareness ribbon. The day before my date, a monarch butterfly visited me and landed on my tummy. My aunt and I have talked about how maybe butterflies are the souls of loved ones who have passed on.
The blue on the butterfly symbolizes the chromosome defect.
 



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## justplay91

I love, love, love the tattoo, Peanutt. That's such a beautiful way to physically mark that Nathan was here with you. I hope you and your partner are finding peace, and I wish you the best on your TTC journey.


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## wookie130

Best of luck to you, Peanutt. The tattoo is an awesome memorial for Nathan. I'm glad to hear you're healthy, and are thinking of trying again in the near future. <3 Take care of yourself.


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## honey915

I've only just read through your post but just wanted to say how my heart just aches for you. It's such a cruel world sometimes. I believe that butterflies symbolise that too so I'm sure that was your beautiful little boy. I want to wish you all the luck in the world ttc and I hope you find peace somewhere. Xxx


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## Rhio92

:hugs:


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## nordicpixie83

I am heartbroken for you , sending much love xxx


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