# so angry right now



## SophiasMummy

Well I've got my friends two kids today as well as Sophia. But I'm not angry with her kids I'm angry with my own.

Not only did she encourage everyone to jump on her bed when she knows she's never allowed to jump on it. they broke a support beam for the slats, it's snapped in half so she now has a bed that I have to try and fix (unlikely) because I can't afford a new one. She then lied to me about it, my friends boy was the one who told me it was broken and my LO denied it repeatedly (I hate lieing) and now She's got to bloody cheek to laugh about it. When I told her she's got no bed now and isn't having another one she just said 'ok then'. To top it off she hasn't apologised at all which is what's really made me angry

I've shut my self in my room away from her now because I just can't look at her. I'm trying to think up consequences particularly for not apologising and for lieing. I'm stuck between no tv privileges and taking away her christmas presents until she can show me she deserves them, maybe both.


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## Nibblenic

Personally I would get her to take out the bed to the bin/shed and sleep on the floor for a week. 

Id also take away some Christmas presents for the lying.


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## SophiasMummy

Nibblenic said:


> Personally I would get her to take out the bed to the bin/shed and sleep on the floor for a week.
> 
> Id also take away some Christmas presents for the lying.

Thanks the beds been taken apart now it's way to heavy for her to carry as it's solid wood and she's sleeping on her mattress on the floor until I either fix it or get another one. my lovely friend's said I can have her daughters bed when they move in 3 weeks if I can't fix this one. Which sophia isn't happy about she tried to get me to let her sleep in my bed which isn't happening.

She's lost her christmas money as well so she isn't allowed to spend it, it's going into her savings account instead and she's not allowed to watch any children's tv


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## OmarsMum

I'd encourage her 1st to tell the truth, I'd use a story approach by making an imaginary name like Sue or Lou or whatever name & how that girl broke something then she lied to her mum but Sophia her friend told her that not telling the truth (without using the word lying) is not good & how her mum will feel sad and will not trust her again. Then I'd see how she reacts to the story. 

As for the bed, if you can't fix it, I'd let her sleep on the mattress on the floor until you can afford a new one, this is a consequence for breaking it. 

I don't punish by taking away toys, I don't find it effective in teaching children to take responsibility of their actions, I find that showing him that his behaviors upset me & encourage him to do the right thing by telling the truth works better than a short term punishment.


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## Natasha2605

I'd do the same as Omar's mum. 

The natural consequence is that she has to sleep on a mattress on the floor. I don't think she should be "punished" more than this. Kids make mistakes and I don't think "taking" things away like toys or money help in the slightest. At the end of the day the bed will be broken regardless of how she is punished. I think encouraging her to tell the truth and know it's acceptable to tell the truth even if a child has done wrong is the most important thing here.


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## SophiasMummy

Unfortunately taking things away even for a day or two is the only way to get through to her. It's the only thing that's ever worked with her. 

Toys and TV are a privilege not a right and if she can't behave appropriately (not lieing) then she doesn't get enjoy those privileges until she can show me she can behave. 

That's a hell of a lot nicer than my own upbringing where I would be grounded to my room for months at a time along with getting a smacked butt, soap rubbed in my teeth for swearing etc. All things I would never subject my daughter to


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## Quartz

I understand why you are angry - she broke an expensive bed and you cant afford to replace it - but does she really get that? That is why natural consequences works she understands why you have the rules you do

Also I wonder whether the removing of privileges partly encourages the lying - she knows they are going to be taken away so she does not tell the truth. It sounds like you have gotten into a negative spiral of her lying so you dont take them away and you taking them away. I agree with omarsmum she needs to learn why you have the rules.

why cant you look at her - she jumped ona bed broke it panicked and lied - laughing is a defence mechasism.ultimately she did not mean to do what she did


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## SophiasMummy

Quartz said:


> I understand why you are angry - she broke an expensive bed and you cant afford to replace it - but does she really get that? That is why natural consequences works she understands why you have the rules you do
> 
> Also I wonder whether the removing of privileges partly encourages the lying - she knows they are going to be taken away so she does not tell the truth. It sounds like you have gotten into a negative spiral of her lying so you dont take them away and you taking them away. I agree with omarsmum she needs to learn why you have the rules.
> 
> why cant you look at her - she jumped ona bed broke it panicked and lied - laughing is a defence mechasism.ultimately she did not mean to do what she did

I couldn't look at her because I wanted to shout at her and I didn't want to shout, so removed myself from the situation until I calmed down. I'm not easy to get angry but doing something she knows has never been allowed, breaking something important in the process, lieing about it and then not even apologising got me angry.

She then went on to break one of her christmas toys which she was going to buy some accessories for with her christmas money and lied to me about breaking it again. So now she technically has no need for the money so it's going in her savings account instead.

There's no natural consequences when she doesn't care. She broke her bed she doesn't care, she broke her toy she doesn't care she lied about both. she just said she'll buy a new one with her christmas money now she doesn't have her christmas money to spend so she's facing the consequences


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## suzib76

Yeah this wouldn't bother me tbh, kids are just kids and they genuinely have no concept of mum not being able to afford a new bed. Not only that but they don't realise when they jump on something they shouldn't that it really can break. Lying isn't good, I would just have said to mine not to worry about the bed and that they didn't need to lie about it. I have always been very clear to mine that I don't mind accidents (and this wasn't intentional even though they shouldn't have jumped on the bed) and they must never be scared to tell me anything, I won't be angry.


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## SophiasMummy

suzib76 said:


> Yeah this wouldn't bother me tbh, kids are just kids and they genuinely have no concept of mum not being able to afford a new bed. Not only that but they don't realise when they jump on something they shouldn't that it really can break. Lying isn't good, I would just have said to mine not to worry about the bed and that they didn't need to lie about it. I have always been very clear to mine that I don't mind accidents (and this wasn't intentional even though they shouldn't have jumped on the bed) and they must never be scared to tell me anything, I won't be angry.

Problem is she did it before with my old bed and broke it, then when I got new beds a few months ago she was told she mustn't jump on the new beds because she could break them like she did the old one. so she did know that her bed can really break if she jumps on it, it's not a case of mummy told her something she thinks will never happen.

I have told her she isn't in trouble for breaking the bed she's in trouble for lying about it. if she had told the truth yes I would've still been angry but she wouldn't have known it and her only punishment would have been that she no longer has a bed until it's fixed of I could get a new one. instead because she lied she got to spend 24 hours with no children's tv and doesn't get the chance to spend her Christmas money because she also lied about breaking her toy which I think is fair.


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## suzib76

I think it's really harsh, I would probably have punished a 10 year old that way, but 5 is really little, still we all do things different ways.


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## SophiasMummy

suzib76 said:


> I think it's really harsh, I would probably have punished a 10 year old that way, but 5 is really little, still we all do things different ways.

At ten she would be grounded and her phone/Internet privileges taken away.

But then she's not a wrapped in cotton wool child that cries at the drop of a hat like a few kids I know. She's as strong willed as they come and is a pro at getting her own way I know plenty of kids that would be devastated that they broke something especially something of their own and she isn't one of them.


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## tommyg

I'm sure a joiner / carpenter could fix the bed (assuming it is wooden) or you could try replacing the slats with slats from Ikea. 

Sleeping on the floor might seem like a fun adventure for her, really its not good for the mattress which needs air to breath.

I also confiscate toys, to be earned back with good behaviour. The naughty step just never meant a thing to him.


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## SophiasMummy

tommyg said:


> I'm sure a joiner / carpenter could fix the bed (assuming it is wooden) or you could try replacing the slats with slats from Ikea.
> 
> Sleeping on the floor might seem like a fun adventure for her, really its not good for the mattress which needs air to breath.
> 
> I also confiscate toys, to be earned back with good behaviour. The naughty step just never meant a thing to him.

I think I can fix it, I'm borrowing some tools off my mum this weekend and will try fix it when LO goes back to school Tuesday. 

The slats aren't broken it's the support beam for the slats most of the nails have come out the side of the bed and bent and the support beam has a crack in it but I think if I can get the nails out and replace them with some good screws instead it will fix it and help strengthen it too, hopefully. 

as it's just me and LO I have to do all the DIY stuff myself so I'm getting pretty good at fixing things now if they can be fixed so I'm hoping this works

Yes toy confiscation happens here too and is one of the few things that works, I tried the naughty step and she would just scream like a banshee and kick the walls the whole time which in a small flat with neighbours upstairs can't happen.


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## Wannabe Mommy

You can get metal plates in the screw section of most diy stores which you can put over the crack and screw in to strengthen that section of the beam too which might help shore it up.


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## SophiasMummy

Wannabe Mommy said:


> You can get metal plates in the screw section of most diy stores which you can put over the crack and screw in to strengthen that section of the beam too which might help shore it up.

Thank you I didn't think of that. My mum works for a builders merchants so I will ask her if she can get one.


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## Nibblenic

SophiasMummy said:


> suzib76 said:
> 
> 
> I think it's really harsh, I would probably have punished a 10 year old that way, but 5 is really little, still we all do things different ways.
> 
> At ten she would be grounded and her phone/Internet privileges taken away.
> 
> But then she's not a wrapped in cotton wool child that cries at the drop of a hat like a few kids I know. She's as strong willed as they come and is a pro at getting her own way I know plenty of kids that would be devastated that they broke something especially something of their own and she isn't one of them.Click to expand...

I would have punished mine in a very similar way. I get told im harsh too, but my child is strong willed and charming and needs serious boundaries set from myself. Many people compliment me on how well behaved she is, and how shes one of the few children other than their own they can tolerate:thumbup:.

Its what works for your child. Mine can not handle the naughty step as she has a hyperactivity problem and sensory issues so I cant shout a her without causing her physical pain either. They are individuals and need rules and boundaries as such


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## SophiasMummy

Nibblenic said:


> SophiasMummy said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> suzib76 said:
> 
> 
> I think it's really harsh, I would probably have punished a 10 year old that way, but 5 is really little, still we all do things different ways.
> 
> At ten she would be grounded and her phone/Internet privileges taken away.
> 
> But then she's not a wrapped in cotton wool child that cries at the drop of a hat like a few kids I know. She's as strong willed as they come and is a pro at getting her own way I know plenty of kids that would be devastated that they broke something especially something of their own and she isn't one of them.Click to expand...
> 
> I would have punished mine in a very similar way. I get told im harsh too, but my child is strong willed and charming and needs serious boundaries set from myself. Many people compliment me on how well behaved she is, and how shes one of the few children other than their own they can tolerate:thumbup:.
> 
> Its what works for your child. Mine can not handle the naughty step as she has a hyperactivity problem and sensory issues so I cant shout a her without causing her physical pain either. They are individuals and need rules and boundaries as suchClick to expand...

Sounds just like my LO strong willed and charming. I've lost count of the compliments I get about how sweet and well behaved she is from people especially when we're travelling as she is happy to just sit and have a conversation with me. 

Not many people get to see how bad she can act if she's allowed to get away with it. But then I'm big on being well mannered, I don't tolerate rudeness at all. I was the same as my LO growing up I was an angel around everyone when I was outside the house but when I was home I could be a little madam especially if I thought I could get away with something. Though the way my mum handled it was very different and not something I would do.


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## Rags

I wouldn't take away her Christmas presents but I would have her sleep on her mattress for a few nights and then spend her Christmas money on the new bed frame. The lying is difficult, I think I'd point out that I can't trust what she says now and that this is very unfortunate as I'll always assume it's her fault when something happens from now on - I find disappointment works well with my 5 year old son!


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## HelenJane

I think the fact she wont have a bed to sleep on now is punishment enough without taking christmas presents away too.

If you manage to fix the bed then put the christmas money away into savings or like someone else suggested, put the money towards a new bed frame. The consequences being, her Christmas money has to be spent on a new bed frame and not what she wanted


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## SophiasMummy

HelenJane said:


> I think the fact she wont have a bed to sleep on now is punishment enough without taking christmas presents away too.
> 
> If you manage to fix the bed then put the christmas money away into savings or like someone else suggested, put the money towards a new bed frame. The consequences being, her Christmas money has to be spent on a new bed frame and not what she wanted

I didn't take the Christmas presents away though it would've only been until she had showed me she could behave.

I attempted to fix the bed yesterday but I couldn't do it I'm not strong enough to get the screws in the wood myself so I'm going to have to get hold of a drill. I really don't want to give up on it because it's a gorgeous solid bed, but if this doesn't work I'll have to


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## SarahBear

Natasha2605 said:


> I'd do the same as Omar's mum.
> 
> The natural consequence is that she has to sleep on a mattress on the floor. I don't think she should be "punished" more than this. Kids make mistakes and I don't think "taking" things away like toys or money help in the slightest. At the end of the day the bed will be broken regardless of how she is punished. I think encouraging her to tell the truth and know it's acceptable to tell the truth even if a child has done wrong is the most important thing here.

I agree.


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