# questions about wanting a home birth



## mummy.wannabe

hey
for any of you who have had a home birth please can you answer a few questions.
im just pre thinking as its taking my mind off whats going on with needing ivf at the moment.


Do you need to hire your own midwife?

can you still have pain relief?:wacko:

ive been hearing nothing but rubbish stuff about having your baby in hospital at the mo, that there under staffed and stressed out and its nothing like one born every minute, even when it comes to chatting to you before hand and after etc x


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## JenStar1976

Hi!

You don't have to have an independent midwife, you are entitled to have two NHS midwives at your birth (although some areas may tell you that you won't be able to have a home birth, you are actually entitled to one). In terms of pain relief, you can have gas and air and/or pethidine at home. 

This is a really good website to browse: https://www.homebirth.org.uk/

All the best with your IVF! xx


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## mummy.wannabe

thank you very much. i really think i would like one, to stay as calm as poss at home x
my friend is a professional photographer and would like photos too x


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## madasa

Sounds lovely! Wish we'd had a photographer.... 

There are other kinds of pain relief too, that are not drugs. For ex. massage, visualisation/hypnobirthing, birth pool.... Sometimes just moving or changing position is very effective in easing some of the pain and if anything you are MORE likely to have freedom of movement at home, pottering about.... than you would in hospital, on a hospital bed.

The homebirth website (^ ^ ^ ) is really good. :D


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## mummy.wannabe

I would defo want the pool, I think I would feel more comfortable at home but suppose there's those worries and what if this happens questions.

I started to look at the website, there's so much info need awhile to read it x


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## NaturalMomma

Where I live we hire independent MWs because here they don't work in hospitals (but usually have a OB who is their back up). And no pain relief in terms of medications here.


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## madasa

mummy.wannabe said:


> I would defo want the pool, I think I would feel more comfortable at home but suppose there's those worries and what if this happens questions.
> 
> I started to look at the website, there's so much info need awhile to read it x

What if what happens? Seriously. Try to pin down that worry, and see if any of the ladies here can reassure. Chances are, they can :)


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## mummy.wannabe

You know you see women who's baby is too big and there pushing for ages and then get told they have to go into theatre for forceps.
Just any complications that you would need to be rushed into hospital and then your baby is at risk, that's all a worry x


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## Mervs Mum

It's important to understand WHY they end up in theatre with forceps. It's not generally down to the size of a baby but a previous intervention such as an epidural. That MASSIVELY increases the chances of ending up with a forceps delivery as you're flat on your back. Baby's of 9lb plus are born at home all the time. By being at home the chances of all the things happening each week on OBEM are vastly reduced. And yes you're right the 'attention' families appear to get from mws is not always the case when the cameras aren't on or it's very busy. 

I have supported many, many, homebirths because families want the continuous support from someone they know and have built a relationship with and they have all been with NHS mws so you don't necessarily need to hire an independent Mw but if you want to ensure you know and like the Mw then in the UK that's really the only way unfortunately. :flower:


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## Mervs Mum

And as weve said on other threads, transfers are rarely for true emergency situations and mws are much more cautious at home and would suggest transfer much sooner than they would suggest an intervention in hospital. They factor all these things in :)


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## mummy.wannabe

Thank you, you know your stuff. 
My brothers gf just had a baby at hospital and said they barely spoke to her, she was starving after the birth nothing was offered. That they just have too much on to spend time with people and it wasn't a lovely experience.

I think home births would be more relaxing and I know my mum, hubby's mum and sister would love to be at the birth. And also like I said my photographer friend has asked if I would be her 1st birth session which I would love, what a great memory.

I didn't realise the epidurals caused problems like that, as home you can move around where you like to get comfortable.

How much are private midwifes in the uk? I've already said to hubby were having such a struggle to get pregnant that I want to give birth at home.

How long can you stay in the water too? X


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## charbaby

Don't want to worry you but i only had gas and air at the hospital with my first born, he was only 7lb but i still had to have forceps delivery to help him out because he was just not coming. I think having a home birth would be a lovely experience but i personally would be to scared x Best of luck with what ever you chose to do x


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## mummy.wannabe

I think I'd be scared but from what I've heard, your body tells you if there's something that doesn't feel right, and that if there was to be complicated the midwife says to go hospital early on.
There's a lot to think about tho, 
So all good and bad experiences it be good to hear x


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## Mervs Mum

Of course there are times when we do everything 'right' and still need some help and that's why we should all be grateful for the marvel that is modern medicine and life saving c section etc. BUT it's important to understand that EVERY intervention such as breaking waters, speeding things up with synthetic oxytocin, constant fetal monitoring, restrictions on time and positions, inductions even without an epidural DO increase the chances of you having an assisted or cesarean delivery. That's a fact. For the vast majority of women, an undisturbed birth ie one that follows its own timeline, pattern etc however far from the 'averages' or text books it is and is not 'augmented' in anyway, will be a normal, healthy delivery. That's a fact.


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## madasa

Position is important. Position of mum and position of baby. 

Being able to relax cannot be under estimated. That is huge, in terms of helping you minimise and cope with any pain, and being able to ALLOW the baby to move down and out. Staying calm and relaxed is easier at home for many people.

Our mental state can also be a factor in whether or not a person needs an assisted delivery. You really need to be able to "let go" - also often easier to do at home. Also, the ante natal prep. is important.


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## NaturalMomma

Things happen, yes, but they aren't that common actually. If a baby gets "stuck" it is usually because mom is on her back and/or baby is in a funny position. Moving can get baby "unstuck". Doctors are not normally trained for doing things differently, so they just rush into a c-section or forceps because that is what they know. 

I had ds2 at home. His labor was prolonged because his shoulder was in the way of the opening. He couldn't come down like that. If I was in a hospital and laying on my back then I would have been rushed into a c-section because he would have been classified as stuck. Instead I did a common position that homebirthers use to move a baby into position, and after 5 minutes of that his head was entering my birth canal.


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## aliss

NaturalMomma said:


> I had ds2 at home. His labor was prolonged because his shoulder was in the way of the opening. He couldn't come down like that. If I was in a hospital and laying on my back then I would have been rushed into a c-section because he would have been classified as stuck. Instead I did a common position that homebirthers use to move a baby into position, and after 5 minutes of that his head was entering my birth canal.

A similar thing happened to me as well (shoulder dystocia) - EXCEPT - I was stuck on my back, strapped to monitors (pitocin induction) and paralyzed from the waist down with an epidural. I was unable to do many of the simple physical maneuvers to free the baby, and thus his collarbone was broken on purpose to pull him out because I was laying there useless and could not do anything pro-active.

Which is why I'm doing a home birth with this one!


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## mummy.wannabe

So there's so many great things about having freedom to move about thats the main thing then.
Coz it all seems that if your stuck on a hospital bed you can't really change much.
It all makes a bit more sense I think and being at home ud be more relaxed and have the freedom to do as you wish and do what you feel natural to do.

The only thing that worries me now is that I Wont cope with the pain and that gas and air won't be enough x


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## Mervs Mum

But you don't know that until you try ;) you may find gas and air plenty and if you don't you just transfer in! If you start off in hospital and find you manage well with water, tens, relaxation etc or even gas and air and wish you were at home, I'm afraid they won't transfer that way!


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## mummy.wannabe

The sounds ok. I think when the time comes you could have persuaded me to try a home birth x


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## aliss

Even if you decided for an epidural, you won't get one right aways. Labouring women are the lowest priority because their pain is labour pain, and an anesthesiologist must be available. I got one after a 24 hour labour but it took a few hours for the anesthesiologist to arrive as well, so it's really no different than transferring.


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## mummy.wannabe

And then sometimes it's too late if your too dilated by the time people her offered 1. It's bad really coz I'm sure your in a lot of pain x


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## madasa

mummy.wannabe said:


> And then sometimes it's too late if your too dilated by the time people her offered 1. It's bad really coz I'm sure your in a lot of pain x

Not necessarily. I enjoyed my home birth very much, there wasn't very much pain overall... most of it was in the last couple of hours, and it was never awful. It got harder to cope as I got TIREDER, but the G&A helped a lot with that, in "taking the edge off" and helping me to breathe slowly and deeply.

There really are lots of ladies who enjoy birthing and don't think of it as "being in a lot of pain" (try browsing the sticky thread "Positive birth stories".) 

Also, there are lots of choices for pain relief aside from G&A that are not an epidural :)


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## mummy.wannabe

Thank you, you've all been a great help in answering questions I didn't know and help me prepare for what I want x


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## tinytabby

This is a really great thread. I'm starting to think about hb. Not sure yet, as there is also a midwife-led birth centre at the hospital which might be a nice kind of compromise. But I'm scared I'd not get a place there, that the pools might be booked up, so I'm thinking of doing it at home instead.

I hate the idea of a OBEM style birth. I've only seen a few positive looking water births on it. Everyone else seems to be on their backs in a hospital bed. It doesn't look like a very nice atmosphere to being a new life into the world.


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## ZoeZo

aliss said:


> [A similar thing happened to me as well (shoulder dystocia) - EXCEPT - I was stuck on my back, strapped to monitors (pitocin induction) and paralyzed from the waist down with an epidural. I was unable to do many of the simple physical maneuvers to free the baby, and thus his collarbone was broken on purpose to pull him out because I was laying there useless and could not do anything pro-active.

I really feel for you here, cannot have been a nice experience at all :(

Also try some HypnoBirthing mummywannabe, again, all about relaxation and letting go of fear AFAIK, OBEM always scares me, they always seem so keen to intervene and the delivery rooms look horrible, cold, clinical.
I think I've made my mind up to birth at home (see if the MW/Consultant tries to talk me out due to my fibroid)


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## Mervs Mum

tinytabby said:


> This is a really great thread. I'm starting to think about hb. Not sure yet, as there is also a midwife-led birth centre at the hospital which might be a nice kind of compromise. But I'm scared I'd not get a place there, that the pools might be booked up, so I'm thinking of doing it at home instead.
> 
> I hate the idea of a OBEM style birth. I've only seen a few positive looking water births on it. Everyone else seems to be on their backs in a hospital bed. It doesn't look like a very nice atmosphere to being a new life into the world.


Of course the most important thing is that you're in the place you feel you can really relax the most and that won't be home for everyone BUT it's also important to remember that there is nothing that they can't do at home that they can do in a MLU. The two places are exactly the same in terms of statistical 'safety'. I'm fact outcomes at home are the same for babies and actually better for mums....


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## tinytabby

Well, if my neighbours can handle my yelling then maybe home will be best!


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## mummy.wannabe

Haha I was thinking about the neighbours but were not attached on either side so unless there standing near my front door I don't think anyone would hear me, but I'm sure you wouldn't care anyway x


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## aliss

Mervs Mum said:


> tinytabby said:
> 
> 
> This is a really great thread. I'm starting to think about hb. Not sure yet, as there is also a midwife-led birth centre at the hospital which might be a nice kind of compromise. But I'm scared I'd not get a place there, that the pools might be booked up, so I'm thinking of doing it at home instead.
> 
> I hate the idea of a OBEM style birth. I've only seen a few positive looking water births on it. Everyone else seems to be on their backs in a hospital bed. It doesn't look like a very nice atmosphere to being a new life into the world.
> 
> 
> Of course the most important thing is that you're in the place you feel you can really relax the most and that won't be home for everyone BUT it's also important to remember that there is nothing that they can't do at home that they can do in a MLU. The two places are exactly the same in terms of statistical 'safety'. I'm fact outcomes at home are the same for babies and actually better for mums....Click to expand...

I would also really love to know the difference between hospital/home births and statistical postpartum depression/emotional satisfaction. I suspect the greatly-underestimated mental health portion of it would vary drastically.

I remember my hospital birth being nothing but trauma.

I remember my home "birth" of Evie (9 weeks, intact fetus and all), despite the obvious miscarriage outcome, to be much more pleasant and satisfying.

Before having kids, I would have thought it to be completely bizarre to be much more emotionally secure/happy after 'birthing' an intact miscarriage than to have a live birth. Bizarre. But true. The power of being in your own home is nothing to underestimate.


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## mummy.wannabe

Sorry about your mc.
But it all sounds nice what your saying about being happy to be in your own home x


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## madasa

tinytabby said:


> Well, if my neighbours can handle my yelling then maybe home will be best!

Maybe lots of noisy sex is in order before the big day :D


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## tinytabby

madasa said:


> tinytabby said:
> 
> 
> Well, if my neighbours can handle my yelling then maybe home will be best!
> 
> Maybe lots of noisy sex is in order before the big day :DClick to expand...

LOL!!


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## pea-in-pod

Mervs Mum said:


> Of course there are times when we do everything 'right' and still need some help and that's why we should all be grateful for the marvel that is modern medicine and life saving c section etc. BUT it's important to understand that EVERY intervention such as breaking waters, speeding things up with synthetic oxytocin, constant fetal monitoring, restrictions on time and positions, inductions even without an epidural DO increase the chances of you having an assisted or cesarean delivery. That's a fact. For the vast majority of women, an undisturbed birth ie one that follows its own timeline, pattern etc however far from the 'averages' or text books it is and is not 'augmented' in anyway, will be a normal, healthy delivery. That's a fact.

I just have to say AGREE AGREE AGREE with everything Mervsmum said here, and I had a home birth with my first and I am planning a homebirth with this (2nd baby) pregnancy too. A lot of times intervention is the result of FEAR and being UNSURE and UNCOMFORTABLE because you are in a hospital, a place that naturally freaks everyone out! I think you increase your chances of a relaxed birth without intervention by being at home. Please read Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth!!

My early labour went for 44 hours (yes I was and am fine!!) and you can guarantee that if I had been in hospital they would have pushed for augmentation and I wouldn't have got the lovely relaxed homebirth that I had,
and my baby was absolutely fine and perfect even after 49 hrs total labour!

btw where I live there is NO medicinal pain relief allowed for homebirths (reserved only for use by Drs) so I just had my relaxation exersizes, hubby and my birthing pool :) 


Good luck with your TTC journey!!


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## mummy.wannabe

Glad you had a good experience too.

No pain relief oh dear, I'm not sure I'd have a home birth in that case coz I'm not good with pain and that would worry me more I think x


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## madasa

Cliche warning!! *It's not like any other pain. * Cliche, but very true. I am the biggest wimp in the world when it comes to pain, I promise. But I still enjoyed labouring. 

Try to be relaxed about it, if you can, since tension won't help you any :) And rather than thinking "oh heck, I am no good at pain", try thinking, OK, what can I *DO* about it? Starting with the least invasive coping techniques/relief and working up. Once you brainstorm it, you will realise there is a lot you can do about it, and this is quite comforting, I think!


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## ZoeZo

I think UK midwives as least bring gas and air to a HB?


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## disneyleanne

Oh yes definitely gas and air.:flower:


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## mummy.wannabe

Enjoyed labouring!!

Can it really be enjoyable?

I would try all the things 1st before going onto proper pain relief, I wouldn't just jump straight into it, coz it builds up gradually doesnt it x


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## Mervs Mum

Yes!! With my second I turned to my hubby about 20mins after she was born and said 'I wanna do that all again now!'. And I was pregnant 9 months later I enjoyed it so much! :lol: It was incredibly enjoyable and empowering beyond all comprehension!


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## mummy.wannabe

Wow I really hope I feel like that. It sounds amazing x


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## madasa

mummy.wannabe said:


> Enjoyed labouring!!
> 
> Can it really be enjoyable?
> 
> I would try all the things 1st before going onto proper pain relief, I wouldn't just jump straight into it, coz it builds up gradually doesnt it x

Yes it really CAN be! having a positive mindset really helps. and being in the right place ***for you*** - that really helps too! and having good support around you, that is important :) 

You're exactly right: it usually builds gradually so there is time to get into a rhythm and find what works for you. It is not continuous, it comes in waves, with gaps between for you to rest. 

Oooooh I want to do it all again! I remember my last labour; I laboured really gently most of the day, just chilling out on the sofa in my dressing gown, relaxing. DH cleaned up in the kitchen and got the pool ready then he sat in the armchair watching TV. My son played with his lego blocks. I WISH I'd sat between DH's knees and had him massage my neck and shoulders. I can just imagine how my labour would have built up deliciously in that gorgeous atmosphere. Oooooo! I've got oxytocin practically pouring out of me in jets just THINKING about it! :D


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## mummy.wannabe

Hehe it all sounds crazy to me but amazing but I've never heard anyone say anything like that before about child birth.
It's putting good things in my mind tho x


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## Mervs Mum

mummy.wannabe said:


> Hehe it all sounds crazy to me but amazing but *I've never heard anyone say anything like that before about child birth.*
> It's putting good things in my mind tho x


Youre listening to the wrong people then ;) I live in a parallel universe where women may start off with different levels of anxiety about birth but on the whole enjoy the experience


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## Pielette

Ok don't think of it as having to be painful, and don't underestimate yourself!
I am the big wimp who (before labour) used to stub her toe and well up with tears, or bang my elbow and well up... Well you get the picture. I was such a huge wimp, and when I said I wanted a home birth without pain relief (if possible), I was laughed at. My friends and family thought I was nuts.
I sailed through my labour and birth. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy - I found it challenging, intense and harder as I got more tired, but it was AMAZING. I loved it, I was so comfortable and relaxed in my own home. And if you're worried about noise, none of my neighbours heard me and we live in a flat. I wasn't screaming, kind if low groaning but that's as far as it went. I had no drugs, found my birth pool incredibly soothing and it's own pain relief. 
It truly was the best experience and I firmly believe it was so because I was positive and didn't believe that I had to be in pain. It doesn't have to be painful. The best labours and births are so because a woman is willing to le go. I just allowed my body to do what it wanted to do. I didn't let midwives tell me when to push or when not to, I refused (in the nicest possible way) to be internally examined because I didn't see the need, my body was made for this process and it knew what to do and when.
Now, there are certain situations which will mean that a labouring woman will need assistance. But these situations are reduced when you're at home and not distressed. If you are in difficulty midwives will spot it early and transfer you in plenty of time. You should also bear in mind that when you birth at home you have two midwives with you throughout. They're not going to miss anything because they are entirely focused on you. 
Oh and now when I stub my toe I say ow, but I don't really mean it, doesn't effect me in the slightest these days!


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## ZoeZo

I hope mine goes exactly like yours did pielette


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## mummy.wannabe

That sounds lovely Pielette! I really hope I will be the same.

It seems that your midwife won't listen to you wanting a home birth until your at least 35 weeks.
What was your situation with that?
And do they send any midwives when your in
Labour or ones you've met before x


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## Pielette

In my area they don't push home birthing at all, but they were happy enough with my decision, think I said that was what I wanted at around 30 weeks. 
I had two midwives at the birth, well technically three cos I had a student one as well, my lounge was packed! The main one arrived at about 6am, about 4 and a half hours before Noah was born - I didn't know her beforehand but she was the head of the home birth team in my area and she was amazing, absolutely loved her. The second one arrived about half an hour before his birth and she was the one assigned to me throughout my pregnancy. As I understand it, it entirely depends on who is on as to who attends you. 
One thing to bear in mind - YOU know your own body better than anyone else. When my husband first called we were told to wait until my contractions were 3 minutes apart. Fir me they were never regular, the intervals were constantly changing. It just got to a point here I knew for sure it was the real thing and that I needed a midwife, so just called again and demanded!


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## mummy.wannabe

Ok thank you. Hopefully il remember all this wheny time comes.
I do really want 1 so I hope when I get pregnant, my pregnancy goes fine and all is we for a home birth x


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## mummy.wannabe

Also
The midwives that come out to you. Are they from your local hospital? Because people talk
About there local birthing centre but don't think we have 1 of those near us x


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## Mervs Mum

Everywhere does it differently but it's unlikely to be your named Mw. You don't need to decide on a home birth till your in labour so don't sweat it if they won't talk to you about it before a certain stage.


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## mummy.wannabe

What of you left it till you were in labour and they didn't have any midwives free for you.

Do they get annoyed having to drive out rather than being in the hospital x


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## Mervs Mum

Who ever comes is likely to be 'on call' rather than coming from hospital, but they do sometimes send them from labiur ward too. It's up to the local areas how they organise it. And obviously they would rather know in advance but you can technically decide on the day but, would you? Most people have decided I'm advance, I'm just trying to demonstrate there's no urgency to 'book' a HB.


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## tinytabby

In Glasgow we have a dedicated home birth team. It's good because they are really up for it and positive! It also means you are more likely to know the midwife who delivers your baby.

Here's a story about how it works:

https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/health/number-of-home-births-soars-to-a-record-high-1.1014157


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