# Would like to share my story.



## winterwonder

I feel like i need to start from the beginning. We decided to start trying this year, and i came off the pill in march and was pregnant by may, i was quite scared, i hadn't realised it would happen that quickly but was ever so happy that it had, i worried alot during those first 12 weeks, i didnt have any symptoms if i hadn't done 4-5 hpts i wouldn't of known i was pregnant. In july we had our 12 wk scan, everything was perfect, we started to let family and friends know, and things continued wonderfully. A few days before i was due my 20wk scn i knew something wasn't right, he's stopped doing his little popping movement that i felt in the morning and i couldn't find a HB on my doppler but i thought you are just worrying too much, he could of turned around, and i'd always had problems with the doppler, i wish now i'd gone to the midwife although i know there is nothing they could of done.
We went to our 20wk scan and he was perfect but didnt have a heartbeat, they dated him at 19weeks, it was a friday, so they said i would have to go to Poole maternity on sat for my first tablets which i did, and on Monday 5th i went with my mum and oh to stay at the hospital to wait to give birth to him.
I don't know what i expected they never really explain enough about what is going to happen, i naively thought that it wouldnt be as painful as full term labour, it was the most painful thing i have ever been through, i didnt react well to the drugs and was constantly vomiting, i had the shivers for the first 2 hrs after my second dose, had pethidine twice, aswell as gas an air, and after the delivery had to have my placenta manually removed which meant i also had a spinal block.
At 1.40 am on 6th sept Bud was born, he weighed 300grams and was 21cms long, he was perfect. The lovely midwives cleaned and dressed him for me and wrapped him in a little blanket and gave him a teddy, and they gave me a blanket and teddy to remember him by. I also got a lovely booklet with his hand an footprints in aswell as all his details and wristbands, which i'm so glad for.
They said it would be 3 months before all the tests come back, as there was no visible explanation for his little heart stopping. I still cant believe that he's gone.


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## Vickieh1981

I'm so sorry sweetie. Nobody should have to have that shock of seeing their baby gone on a scan :(

I am glad that the hospital looked after you well. Ours did too and it makes a huge difference.

I was the same as you and had a retained placenta afterwards - it seems a bit more of a kick in the teeth doesn't it?

I'm glad you got lots of keepsakes from your little boy but I am so sorry that Bud isn't with you now :(

Fly high little one xxxx


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## Cassie10

I am so so sorry for your loss... :hugs:


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## mhazzab

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your precious Bud.

I'm so glad you and Bud were treated with respect at your hospital and that you have some things to keep in memory of him.

It breaks my heart whenever someone new posts their story on here. But you have come to the right place. The ladies on here are wonderful, so compassionate. We will be here for you to help you through the hard days, if you want it. Sometimes it's hard to find people to connect with and speak to in your own world.

If you ever want someone to talk to about what you have been through, or to talk about your precious little boy, please feel free to send me a PM.

xxx


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## Andypanda6570

:cry: I am so deeply sorry for your loss of Bud :hugs::hugs: I gave birth to Ava at 18 and half weeks on my toilet bowl, I know it sounds horrible , but I have accepted it. My labor was quick and so was delivery, but i also have 3 boys and my last 2 were only 2 hr labors. I want you to know I am so sorry for what you are going through . I think of Ava every minute and I visit her grave every other day, i miss her so much :cry: I am sure Bud and Ava are playing right now.. If you ever need a friend I am always around..xxoxoxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## hannpin

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :hugs: :hugs:


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## winterwonder

Thank you all so much for your kind words, its nice to know people who understand what you're going through if that makes sense.


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## honey08

such a terrible loss youve gone thro, im so so sorry x :hugs:

:hug:


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so sorry for the loss of Bud, it's such a terrible thing to go through, it's not fair. I'm glad you got lots of keepsakes, they do help. Wishing you gentle days ahead xxx


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## DueSeptember

:hugs:


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## Luzelle

Thank you for sharing your story. Thinking of you. xxx


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## Brookey

so sorry for your loss xx


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## teal

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: xx


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## yazoo

I'm very sorry about your loss. Unlike you I haven't been brave enough to post my story yet but I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my perfect baby boy at 22 weeks. :hugs:


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry for your loss, your story is similar to mine. My daughters heart stopped beating at 22 weeks and I gave birth at 22+5.

If ever you need to talk, send me a message xxx


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## Hellylou

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you. :hugs::hugs:


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## MummyStobe

So sorry for your loss. RIP little Bud x


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## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> I'm very sorry about your loss. Unlike you I haven't been brave enough to post my story yet but I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my perfect baby boy at 22 weeks. :hugs:

yazoo - I'm so very sorry for your loss too. losing a child is something nobody should ever have to go through, but I hope you find some comfort from speaking to others on here. if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you (and anyone else) xxx


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## yazoo

mhazzab said:


> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> I'm very sorry about your loss. Unlike you I haven't been brave enough to post my story yet but I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my perfect baby boy at 22 weeks. :hugs:
> 
> yazoo - I'm so very sorry for your loss too. losing a child is something nobody should ever have to go through, but I hope you find some comfort from speaking to others on here. if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you (and anyone else) xxxClick to expand...

Thank you mhazzab, I havent spoken to anyone on here I have just been taking a back seat and reading everyones posts but not really posting myself. I don't know why I haven't, perhaps it will make it more real actually having to type out what happened and the fact that he is not here with me now. I appreciate your message. :hugs:


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## SarahJane

yazoo said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> I'm very sorry about your loss. Unlike you I haven't been brave enough to post my story yet but I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my perfect baby boy at 22 weeks. :hugs:
> 
> yazoo - I'm so very sorry for your loss too. losing a child is something nobody should ever have to go through, but I hope you find some comfort from speaking to others on here. if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you (and anyone else) xxxClick to expand...
> 
> Thank you mhazzab, I havent spoken to anyone on here I have just been taking a back seat and reading everyones posts but not really posting myself. I don't know why I haven't, perhaps it will make it more real actually having to type out what happened and the fact that he is not here with me now. I appreciate your message. :hugs:Click to expand...

I have never written Evelyn's full story myself and I am not sure I will ever be brave enough to do it but gradually I have managed to reach out for the support I need and told bits and bobs of my story in my own way.

I am so sorry for your loss. Deal with it how you need to in order to get by and remember we are here if you need us. If just reading helps then do that, if you need to ask questions, ask. If you want to talk then talk. 

Loads and loads of love :hugs::hugs:


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## winterwonder

yazoo said:


> I'm very sorry about your loss. Unlike you I haven't been brave enough to post my story yet but I completely understand what you are going through. I lost my perfect baby boy at 22 weeks. :hugs:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everybody deals with grief differently, i know that by writing on here as well as in a journal at home, thats how i cope with things, although the whole experience was traumatic i dont want to ever forget what i went through.


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## katie21188

I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy Bud. It's certainly an experience that I wish no one had to go through :( I know what u mean painful. I had to give birth to both my twin daughters at 22 weeks :( I only had gas. 
With time it will ease the pain a little bit. It's been 2 months for me now and we're beginning to start ttc shortly.
If u ever wanna talk PM me xoxo


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