# Lost baby at 21 weeks



## Clarew

We went for our 20 week scan on 22nd July 09 and were told the baby's kidney's were very enlarged and were being referred, instead of waiting we paid to go to The fetal medicine centre in harley street and were told by Prof. Nicolaides that our baby boy has a condition that could be genetic with 6 digits on hands and feet and enlarged kidneys that will eventually swell up to 20 times the normal size and the rest of the organs will shut down, so Hayden, could die any day and if he did survive the birth last for a matter of minutes/hours and he said there was nothing that could be done - we had a second and third opinion - so we took the decesion to terminate the pregnancy, we thought why go on another 18 weeks and wait on a day to day basis and what if he was in pain if we did get him here alive!
On 27th July at 21 weeks I was induced and after 10 hours of labour had our baby Hayden, my husband and I both had a cuddle and said our goodbyes and leaving that hospital the next day without my baby was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life!
We had ivf with our 16 month old son, Oliver, we were pregnant with triplets and lost the twins at 10 weeks, I know i'm so lucky to have him as they also said could be a 1 in 4 chance of it happening again so have had 4 babies and 1 fantastic little man to show.
I'm sorry for going on but its only the last 2 weeks I have really been falling apart, i was concentrating so much on my husband and Olly and now things have settled down with them i am falling apart, i wake in the night crying, hoping we made the right decesion as we are still waiting for the post morten results, we also said no to a funeral as i couldn't go through with it and donated his body for medical research hoping it may help someone else one day. I am not the sort of person for councelling or tablets. My due date was 8th dec and have one friend 2 weeks before and one friend 4 weeks after, i'm finding it so hard at the moment - has anyone else had a similar experience, i know how lucky i am to already have a son but i just feel so cheated!
sorry for the essay x


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## natasja32

Oh sweetheart im so sorry for your loss. Im an angel mummy too and sadly i know the pain you are going through at the moment. I wish there was something i could do to take your pain away sweetie. But i know nothing i say will lessen the pain you feel. Just know that it does get "easier" as time passes and that you are not alone. If you ever need to just let it out,im only a pm away.Thinking of you and your family. Floaty kisses to your little boy.:hugs:


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## v2007

Im so sorry for the loss of :angel: Hayden, my daughter was stillborn at 40 wks in 2007. 

No words i write will make it all better, but as time passes the pain does ease. 

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

V xxxxx


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## emie

oh l am so sorry l lost my son at 38 weeks too if you need to 

talk feel free to PM me ..xxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## embo216

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: x


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## Waiting2bMommy

So sorry for you loss honey :hugs:


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## JenJosh

So sorry, i too am an angel mummy, my little boy died 6 months ago (16 months old) your heartache will ease a tiny bit every day, if you need me i am always here to listen xxx


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## My bump

What a truly heartbreaking decision you have had to make. You have done what is best for your little boy and you now know he is at peace. I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope in time things get easier for you.

I have never had a loss so I know I can never imagine what you are going through but my heart goes out to you and your family!

Rest in peace sweet baby!

xxxxxxx


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## bek74

I am so so so sorry for your loss :cry:, sending you big hugs to you and your family :hugs::hugs:


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## dizzynic

So sorry for your loss x


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## LaDY

Oh hun im so so sorry, i cant imagine the pain you are going through...if you ever want to talk im always here hun...all i can do is listen...:hugs: xx


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## NervousNelly

I am so sorry for your loss :(


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## Clarew

JenJosh said:


> So sorry, i too am an angel mummy, my little boy died 6 months ago (16 months old) your heartache will ease a tiny bit every day, if you need me i am always here to listen xxx

What you must have been through really puts things into perspective - I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy x


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## honey08

so sorry :hugs:


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## jen1604

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetheart,there is always lots of support for you here :hugs:


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## Lol78

I've very recently lost my baby in similar circumstances at 22 weeks. My heart goes out to you, it is just devastating. I will pm you. :hugs:


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## Lol78

I tried to pm you but I think because you are new, I can't yet. 
Will try again soon. 

I lost my little boy at 22 weeks. We also found out at the 20 week scan that he was unwell and would never survive.
His bladder was really enlarged and that his kidneys and lungs didn't develop. Like you, my husband and I made the devastating decision to end the pregnancy and I was induced at the end of August.

If you would like to talk/rant/cry, please pm me when you are able to. 
:hug:


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## Sparklestar

I didnt want to read and run but i cant imagine what you are going through hun. Huge :hugs: xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MrsRoughton

am so sorry for your loss. am hear if you ever want to talk hun xxx


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## _Hope_

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## ThisTimePls

I am so sorry for your loss and pain. Thinking of you lots. xxx


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## Widger

I'm so sorry for your loss. You will get lots of support on here from other ladies that have been in a similar position as yourself xx :hugs:


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## AlwaysPraying

My heart breaks for you, I'm so sorry this has happened. We lost our boy at 15 weeks to a similar issue. He had a massively enlarged bladder and we did a CVS which came back confirmed Trisomy 13, a fatal condition, he wouldn't have made it to birth, if he had, he would have died within moments. We chose to terminate as well, the most excruciating days of my life. We had to release him from his body and set him free, it was the only thing we could do at that moment. 

Pm me or any of us if you need. I'm a big fan of counseling and have just started on some medication. For me it's helped immensely. Be sure to do what you need to to get through this, whatever that is. Take care.


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## X.K.X Babey

I'm so sorry hun. I lost two babies but they were both in the first ten weeks, so i can't imagine how it feels for you. 

Good luck sweetie


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## DiddyDons

I am so sorry for your loss of little Hayden and your other tiny angels :cry: I lost my daughter last year at 25 weeks after going into prem labour for no reason, she was alive and kicking untill I delivered her as she was breech and it became a struggle :cry: 

Im here if you need to talk :hugs: x x x


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## babytots

oh am so sorry for your loss sweetie! i lost my lil girl at 19 weeks back in april and can understand what you are going through it must have been a heartbreaking decision to make but you were thinking of haydens suffering and you set him free from any future pain. x


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## Snowball

I'm so sorry for your loss:hugs: I lost our second son at 21 weeks in April 2008 due to placental abruption. If you ever need to talk I'm always around.

Thinking of you:hugs:


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## 3boys

oh hun i am so so sorry for your loss


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## MrsCrabs

i am soo sorry for your loss


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## Naya69

iam so sorry for your loss xxx


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## janie0

We lost our baby on July 14 at 18 weeks. No fetal heartbeat at 17w4d at a regular prenatal appt. I was also induced, laboured for 7 hours & gave birth to an angel. Cruelest & darkest moments of our lives. But we also live for our 5 yr old DS who is the light of our lives. Hugs to you & hope you find comfort soon.


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## Liz2

I am so sorry for your loss :hugs: My thoughts are with you, your family, Hayden and your other little angel babies.


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## nervous wreck

ClareW
I know exactly how you feel. We had to make the same decision at 21W. It was hard, now looking back I felt rushed and I wonder if I id the right thing too. I have come to terms with it, as hard as it was. But, I am now pregnant again, and exactly 21W. The issue I am having is telling anyone I am pregnant. I know that I obviously look pregnant, but after what happened, I have a hard time making the big announcement. Is this weird?


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## wish2bmama

I am so very sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## aunt_sissy

:hugs::hugs:


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## jayne74

Hi hun,
I'm so sorry about your little boy. I had to end my pregnancy too. We found out at the 20 week scan that our son had 2 serious heart conditions. If he had of survived long enough he would of needed open heart surgery at 2-3 days old then twice more before he was 5. We were also told he would have needed a heart and lung transplant before he was a teenager. Again if he survived that long. I was induced on the 7th August and Finley was born after a 6 hour labour at 21+5 weeks. I had already had 2 miscarriages before having Finley and I really thought, having got so far, that it would be ok this time. I sometimes have my doubts but I know in my heart that we did the right thing. I did not want him to suffer, it is better that I feel the pain of his loss than him go through all that agony.
I don't know if I can mention this on here (I'm new) but the babycentre website has a group on their called 'termination for medical reasons'. Feel free to come and join us, everyone is lovely :)
PM me if you would like to chat or you would like a link to the group.
Jayne xx


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## AverysDad

My wife and I just lost our sweet little Avery Rose this past Saturday.
We went into the hospital on Thursday because she was having contractions. Turns out there were issues with the pregnancy and our baby would be born at any time, and would not survive.
Finally, late Friday night my wife's water broke and a few hours later, at midnight exactly our little angel was born.

I consider myself lucky because we got most of the day to spend with our baby girl. I got to cuddle with her when I fell asleep. We have 2 older boys and this was my favorite thing to do with them; waking up with them, feeding them, and then cuddling them with their little heads under my chin.

When the time came to have her taken away for cremation, I didn't want to let her go. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. 
I still want to hold her one more time. I want to feel her little fingers against my hand, kiss her little head and hold her tight.

I know my sweet Avery is in Heaven waiting for me. When that time comes I'm never letting her go again.
But until then, my life will always feel incomplete. There should be 5 chairs at the table, one more little voice and two more little feet making noise through the house.
I won't have the chance to give her away at her wedding, or enjoy that first dance.

I love you so much Avery. Your my special little baby girl and I'll always carry a piece of of a broken heart for you.
Until we see each other again, I hope you know your Daddy loves you SO much and I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

I love you sweetheart.


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