# Stop telling me I can't do it!



## cma24

I'm a first time mom and have decided to have a natural birth (w/o any form of induction and/or pain meds) I wish friends would be more supportive! Even those who have had kids say, "Oh. You think you'll be able to go all natural but when you're actually experiencing it you'll be asking for meds in no time. You think you're strong enough but you'll see!" When I tell them I'm only 12 weeks pregnant and have already begun my research in preparation for natural child birth they just roll their eyes! I mean, I can do this, right? Stop telling me I won't be able to and that I don't know my own strength!!!!!!

Ok, sorry for the rant ladies.. I just needed to get this out! 
:growlmad:


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## Heather9603

I'm not even pregnant but have my mind set on this. I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I've walked around with broken bones and had no idea. Actually I have two dislocated ribs right now and I thought I had just slept funny until the pain wouldn't go away after a few days :haha:

But yeah I get that ALL the time. But I am determined to go without meds because my mom had a severe allergic reaction to an epidural and we are allergic the exact same meds. She couldn't hold my sister for two days because the reaction made her temp spike. She missed out on some serious bonding time with her first child! She went all natural with my brother and I and she said it was well worth it!


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## birdiex

I get that a lot when casually talking about it with people (nobody but OH & my closest friend know that I'm pregnant) and I know I probably will want the pain medication because I'm a wimp, but I'll be at home where I won't have access to pretty much anything apart from G&A, so whether I want them is irrelevant. Natural is best for my baby and I, and that's the way it'll be!


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## cma24

Knowing I'm not alone really helps! Thanks Ladies


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## ttc bubby no2

I got this all the time when I was pregnant with DS. I think they assume because they "tried" for a natural birth and ended up with drugs they don't think anyone else can do it. 

You can do it! Don't listen to other people who like to bring you down because they couldn't.


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## chuck

Just because that was what was normal for them doesn't mean it's normal for you to want a medicalised induced birth. 

Do your research and have your experience your way Hun. 

If needs be just don't talk to unsupportive people about your choices, if they ask just tell them you'll see how it goes.

You know you're planning what is right for you, people can be so negative about birth usually because they wish they'd dine things differently.


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## rachiedata

Good for you girls - if you're confident and well informed in your choices then nobody can argue with you doing what's best for you and your baby! Come in here for some support anytime you need it!


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## NaturalMomma

That is horrible of your friends to say that :( Everyone will experience birth differently. It may hurt for one and not for the other.

You can DO it!!!!!!


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## Heather9603

You know what i fear more? An orgasmic birth. I know it would probably be relaxing, but I Think that would be a bit awkward with having my mother and sister in the room. And the thought of my baby giving me an Orgasm freaks me out :haha:


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## lozzy21

Course you can do it, woman have only had pain medication since 1900 ish, we did it for hundreds of years with out before that.


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## Heather9603

lozzy21 said:


> Course you can do it, woman have only had pain medication since 1900 ish, we did it for hundreds of years with out before that.

But don't you hate when people say "Well a lot of women DIED from child birth before that".

Well yeah but it wasn't from pain dummy! It was from complications and lack of pre natal care. Those women still drank, wore tight dresses, girdles, rode horses, didn't have vitamins or any other pre natal care that we have now. And also they didn't have any way to help ease the baby out if it was struggling or ripping the mom, so those women would bleed to death or have still borns. So THATS why they died. :dohh:


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## special_kala

I get this alot because i had a epi last time so its like people think i clearly cant manage to give birth without one this time.

Ignore the negative people


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## moomin_troll

ignore them! my mum always told me that id need a epidural but i knew i didnt want one. so i was induced, and got thru labor with gas and air but then stopped using that ans bit on the mouth piece lol...so many not totaly natural but i did it without a epidural like so many told me id be begging for.

i didnt scream my head off like u see on some birthing videos. our bodies are made for this and if u go into it open minded then u can go from there.


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## Chocciebutton

I went in with this view when I gave birth twice before but sadly had a different outcome.....there is no harm in wanting to try without, but just bear in mind that you may change your mind! giving birth is unpredictable . If you set yourself up to getting through it naturally and you end up having to have an epidural or something due to complications (I had emergency forceps) then you may then feel a 'failure ' as you didnt give birth how you thought you would. Having pain relief is not a weakness and if you do have to have it dont feel like you have let yourself down otherwise you may suffer depression like I did :hugs:


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## pupsicle

Don't worry everybody always tells you the worst stories. I loved giving birth and was so proud of myself that I managed naturally. Don't worry about it, it won't be as near as bad as you imagine it will be, we are designed to cope with it :)


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## nov_mum

Nothing annoys me more than everyone knowing exactly how you will react and what medications you will need. Doesn't your pregnancy make everyone an expert??? hahaha

I hate how you are told you are putting your baby at risk and the old line about people dying. Half the time it was because the 'expert OB' never washed his hands between clients etc and many died from infection. If you have a scan and know that you have no placental problems, that baby is in the right position and mum is well and fit then what is the problem people?? The only thing people say is that you are taking a risk. A risk of what??? Being in a hospital places you at risk of being at the mercy of intervetnions based on teh drs whim and practices. Being in a hospital means you are out of your comfort zone, your anxiety levels are higher and you are more prone to the cascade of interventions. What about the risk of that one??? Often poor outcomes/infant mortatity is written off as High risk pregnancies to beginwith. The amount of pregnancies that eventuate in interventions because babies were not delivered to a doctors schedule, waters broek but labour not started within 24hrs etc is staggering and so is the ever increasdin rate of poor infant outcomes. These are classed as hihgrisk but only because the doctors got in there in the first place. 

I come from a background of health care and two pregnancies with complications requiring medical intervention. I am proud that our system is a little more flexible and doesn't over medicalise everything but I hate being in the system. Luckily having some inside knowledge helps to navigate it a little.

Rant over, do what feels right and just tell all of the negative ninnies that while the genreal perception is that it is risky, if they look in to it the will have an educated view with a firm grounding in real stats and not anecdotal rubbish of someones aunts, sister in laws neighbour who had a home birth and the baby died blah blah. Ask them how many babies die in hospital and point out that it seems much more risky don't you think??? heheheeh


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## Bournefree

You absoultly CAN do this! No doubt about it!.. and do you know what even if you don't have full faith in it now, or even have a wobble during labour (as some do in transition - like me even), your body will get on for it for you. You have to facilitate your body to do do though - disconnect with the everyday bits or your brain - forget about everything you have heard and you will get on with it... and love it.

Don't let those that in our society have experienced the medicallised end of birth, justify their own choices by making you fearful of yourself. You have nothing to fear.. most births are normal and you should more than just assume yours should be too. Have faith in it. It is a physological function like breathing, circulation or digestion - it happens anyway and better, if you let it.
XxX


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## kaile

I totally agree with the above posts. I'm not sure if we're having our little one at home or in a hospital, but I know I want as little drugs as possible. Whenever I so much as mention a home birth to my MIL, she scoffs and says "oh, you don't want that!" Um, maybe I do. Even if I don't, it has nothing to do with you!
This coming from the woman who was so drugged up that she can't even remember the birth and first few hours of her first 2 children.... Not that there's anything wrong with her choices, I'm sure she had reasons for having a cesarean and medications, but it's not for me unless it's an emergency!

On a totally different note though, someone above made a really good point. Don't feel like a failure if things don't go exactly as you planned them to! If you need pain medications, take them. If you need to go to the hospital, go. Don't have your plan set in stone, because things rarely go the way we expect. :) 

Good luck! No matter how you plan your birth to go, it'll all be worth it when the baby arrives :)


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## Heather9603

Just as a side not, look into getting acupuncture during your Third Tri, especially before due date and maybe even DURING labor. A little acupuncture in the ear lobe relieves pain and swelling. And all you feel is a little prick/pulsating feeling to the ear :)

I plan on getting acupuncture throughout my entire pregnancy. My chiropractor does it and he knows which points to hit. 1st Tri you can get some that relieve nausea, 2nd tri you can get some that relieve constipation, nausea, muscle cramps, and help you sleep. 3rd Tri you can prepare for labor.


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## RedStar57

This thread is awesome, I'm really glad I came across it. My family is the exact same way... Last summer I broke my tail bone and cracked my pelvic at a waterpark. The whole ride home all my mom could say was, if you can't handle falling on your ass then how in the world are you ever going to have children? I was just so frustrated at her comments, when I finally convinced her that I was actually really hurt, she took me to the hospital and was in complete shock, lol. 

I want as little medication as possible, I don't even like the idea of being induced. Our bodies are naturally made to give birth! My body doesn't react well to meds anyway, and the idea of a huge needle going into my spin scares the crap out of me! 

Good luck on your decision making, do what YOU want. The baby is the outcome of all the pain and struggle and I'm pretty sure it's all going to be worth it!


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## Heather9603

Oh one of my faves tho is when people say "well your not even pregnant yet so how do you know what kind of birth you want!?". 

Uhm, it's called a book and READING bia!!! Lol


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## lozzy21

Heather9603 said:


> Oh one of my faves tho is when people say "well your not even pregnant yet so how do you know what kind of birth you want!?".
> 
> Uhm, it's called a book and READING bia!!! Lol

That makes no sence, Its like saying you dont know what you want for lunch untill your hungry.


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## fides

cma24 said:


> I'm a first time mom and have decided to have a natural birth (w/o any form of induction and/or pain meds) I wish friends would be more supportive! Even those who have had kids say, "Oh. You think you'll be able to go all natural but when you're actually experiencing it you'll be asking for meds in no time. You think you're strong enough but you'll see!" When I tell them I'm only 12 weeks pregnant and have already begun my research in preparation for natural child birth they just roll their eyes! I mean, I can do this, right? Stop telling me I won't be able to and that I don't know my own strength!!!!!!
> 
> Ok, sorry for the rant ladies.. I just needed to get this out!
> :growlmad:

You can do it!!!

Ugh - i'm learning that, now that i'm pregnant, other peopel apparently think they know more about my body than i do! ridiculous!

You can certainly do it! :flower:


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## NuKe

you can do it, of course you can! When people say things like that, just say "we'll see" smugly. Just imagine their faces when you tell them you did it. Smart arses. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts like nothing u can imagine, but it's do-able! People always said to me "oh you'll be fine, sure you've got 2 arms and legs full of tattoos" ummm yes I do and every last one of them hurt! I do NOT have a high pain threshold. And yes I had an epidural, but it didn't do a dam thing. I felt it all. But I did it, and now I know I can I'm going for g&a only next time!


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## birdiex

NuKe said:


> you can do it, of course you can! When people say things like that, just say "we'll see" smugly. Just imagine their faces when you tell them you did it. Smart arses. I'm not gonna lie, it hurts like nothing u can imagine, but it's do-able! People always said to me "oh you'll be fine, sure you've got 2 arms and legs full of tattoos" ummm yes I do and every last one of them hurt! I do NOT have a high pain threshold. And yes I had an epidural, but it didn't do a dam thing. I felt it all. But I did it, and now I know I can I'm going for g&a only next time!

Congrats on your new ticker :hugs:


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## madasa

Hey, drug free is NOT "without pain relief". People forget that!


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## madasa

Heather9603 said:


> lozzy21 said:
> 
> 
> Course you can do it, woman have only had pain medication since 1900 ish, we did it for hundreds of years with out before that.
> 
> But don't you hate when people say "Well a lot of women DIED from child birth before that".
> 
> Well yeah but it wasn't from pain dummy! It was from complications and lack of pre natal care. Those women still drank, wore tight dresses, girdles, rode horses, didn't have vitamins or any other pre natal care that we have now. And also they didn't have any way to help ease the baby out if it was struggling or ripping the mom, so those women would bleed to death or have still borns. So THATS why they died. :dohh:Click to expand...

Or their dr didn't know to wash his hands after handling that corpse, so she got a fatal infection...


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## madasa

I am so looking into acupuncture if I have another baby!

There's also water (shower, birth pool), heat pads, massage, aromatherapy, homeopathy, hypnotherapy, moving/changing positions, breathing techniques, reiki... There are lots of options to increase your comfort and help baby descend and emerge gently and smoothly.

Think positive! Your body knows how to birth just like it knows how to be sick. Surrender to it. You absolutely CAN do it. :D


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## LockandKey

once I had told everyone my plans to have an all natural birth, my cousin said "You're crazy, I just want my experience to be like plastic surgery, go to sleep and wake up with something new." and I thought to myself "it's women like you who are the reason behind the poor rates in the American birthing society."

Seriously, some people might not think they can do it, but I know I can, and frankly I don't think they have any business in telling someone else they can't do something :growlmad:


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## Bournefree

LockandKey said:


> once I had told everyone my plans to have an all natural birth, my cousin said "You're crazy, I just want my experience to be like plastic surgery, go to sleep and wake up with something new." and I thought to myself "it's women like you who are the reason behind the poor rates in the American birthing society."
> 
> Seriously, some people might not think they can do it, but I know I can, and frankly I don't think they have any business in telling someone else they can't do something :growlmad:

Wow your cousin's comment really shocks me! Perhaps she would prefer to buy her babies from a catalogue?! :wacko:


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## LockandKey

yea, shocked me too when she said it, I just gave her this disgusted "you're effin nuts" kind of look.

I don't talk to her much lol, I'm sure you can see why


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## Bournefree

There is an article a friend has given me to read about Autonomous Pregnancy I like one of the excerpts from it.
"Trust intuition; at this point some readers may be thinking 'I could never so that', 'I could never trust myself' or 'what is something happened?' The difficulty in this in a western industrialised society is that we are trained from the very earliest point in our lives to ignore our intuition, trust science, trust medicine, hand over responsibility and all will be well. A lifetime of living surounded by this kind of mentality can be extremely challenging to ignore or overcome, especially when in fear for the life of a child (but that fear wasn't placed there by you) Trusting our intuition can only come with practice and pregnacy is the perfect place to start. Having a new life to protect hightens intuition as well as the motivation to listen to it helping mother and child to establish an immeasurably strong bond even before birth when mother and baby unite in the climax of there relationship so far."

I love these inspirational words!
XxX


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## LockandKey

I agree, that's a good one :thumbup:

If ladies like us have our hearts and minds set on something, why bring us down with negativity? 

We can do it because we were born to do it, just like our mothers who lived thousands of year before us. 

Birth is a natural process, not an illness.

ok, I'm done >.>


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## 2ndtimeAbz

The best advice I had was to educate myself-

If you learn about the in and outs )) of it all any opinion can be rebuffed with knowledge. No matter how you chose to give birth, if you make an informed choice its entirely your decision about your body and your baby :D

good luck! X


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## punk_pig

I didn't chose a home birth but everytime I went in to hospital I never got any pain relief as they said my contractions weren't strong enough (apparently because I wasn't screaming and swearing they thought nothing was happening!!). So I got to 9cms on my own anyway, so don't listen to your negative friends and prepare yourself for the birth you want.


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## meela

*CMA24* I totally understand your frustration. My friends and family are doing the same in fact some are even mocking me and saying they'd love to be there for the birth cos its going to be oh so funny to see me in Labour.

I don't think they realise just how much their comments are upsetting me. I cant help but take it personally cos it shows how they view me... which is what? a joke?!

We can do this! We just have to ignore everyone and their negativity.

Not sure why you suddenly become public property when pregnant (Horror stories about tearing/best way to do this and that/you should buy this/when I did it I...) but I can tell you I'm finding it pretty tiresome already.

Good luck Lady, you have the power of Life inside you and if that's not the strongest power in the universe then I don't know what is.

xxx


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## sophisticat

Does anyone else get this from their OH? Every time I talk about the birth he contradicts me, thinks I'm full of mumbo-jumbo and says I'll be screaming and moaning in agony, because that's what everyone has told him it will be like. I asked him to keep his thoughts to himself early on and he did from then on but in the last week or so as the whole thing gets closer he's started saying things again. Really gets on my nerves! Fortunately my mum is very pro-natural birth and supportive of my wishes.


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## 2ndtimeAbz

I know some women have shown OH Utube videos of natural/home births to show them birth/labour isnt just like one born every minute!:) (there is some good ones on the 'homebirthers and hopefuls' thread)
Its good you have one supportive person to help you stick to ur guns!
Xx


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## LockandKey

took my hubby with me to every class, an infant care class, and a couple lamaze classes where they made us watch enough birthing videos to last a lifetime. He's such a trooper, haha.

When I talk to him about it, he says if I ask for the epidural he will tell me no :haha:


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## madasa

sophisticat said:


> Does anyone else get this from their OH? Every time I talk about the birth he contradicts me, thinks I'm full of mumbo-jumbo and says I'll be screaming and moaning in agony, because that's what everyone has told him it will be like. I asked him to keep his thoughts to himself early on and he did from then on but in the last week or so as the whole thing gets closer he's started saying things again. Really gets on my nerves! Fortunately my mum is very pro-natural birth and supportive of my wishes.

i'd tell him i dont want thatattitude in the birthing room :-S

pain - especially not agonising pain - is NOT a given for every birth. you can do things to make birth easier and more comfortable. moaning and screaming is also not a given. the only moaning i did was occasionally during pushing and it wasnt painful. more sex-like noises, tbh! it was lovely and peaceful, with very little pain.


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## sleepinbeauty

Hun, if we couldn't go it without medicine none of us would be here today. you can do it.


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## prepping

I'm a research fiend when it comes to the world of pregnancy and one of my early opinions was that I wanted to go as natural as possible. If I discussed this with any of my friends that have had babies, every single one of them said "sure, you think that now". 

I've now learned to just keep my opinion on the matter to myself! Women have done it since forever up until recently, my mum went natural for me and my brother (not necessarily intentionally though!), I am in good health and am counting on being stubborn as a mule when the time comes that meds will not be a serious option.

(this is all of course assuming that I will have a completely healthy pregnancy with no complications.)

Forget everyone else. Believe in yourself. :) GL!


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