# Newborn won't settle unless being held -help!



## missusgee

So my baby is 2 weeks old and I'm really struggling. 

He won't settle/sleep in his basket. Even if he's passed out asleep as soon as I put him down he wakes up and cries/shouts. I don't know what to do and I'm at my wits end already as I can't do anything as he just wants to be held. 

Always said I wouldn't do it but have had to 'resort to co sleeping with him on my chest or inbetween me/cot just to get some sleep. 

I don't know what to do to get him to settle, I've put a jumper that smells like me in his basket to lie on, I put my hand on his chest, he just gets more wound up and I feel awful :nope:


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## Babybear85

It's totally normal behaviour and it's hard. I dont know anyone who's baby has been happy put down . Could you wear him in a stretchy wrap In the day and at night if your happy to cosleep thenklook up safe ways to do so. Your baby is just doing what's normal because he's suddenly here your all he knows he will love hearing your heartbeat and your smell it does pass I promise


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## jd83

It's exhausting, we've all been there! What you are describing is pretty normal newborn behavior, its just that most of us have never expected it. We had no idea a newborn wouldn't let you put him/her down without waking right back up.

A few things that helped me: 
1.Keep the bassinet close to bed, so you are still close to baby, and your smell is still close to baby.
2.Preheat the bassinet with a hot water bottle or heating pad. Take it out right before you lay baby down. This was a HUGE helper for me. I found with both of my boys that they would just literally get cold that quickly when I put them down. Keep in mind, newborns can't regulate their body temperature well, so it could very well be that your baby feels the cold coming off the bassinet and it wakes your lo up.
3. Sleep with some swaddle blankets to get your scent on them before using
4. Swaddle your baby! Its a miracle worker, lol! I loved the swaddleme blankets. Even if your baby initially fights a swaddle, most will stop fighting it after a few minutes and love the swaddled feeling that mimics the closeness of the womb
5. Wait til baby is in a deep sleep to set down, not when baby has just fallen asleep.


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## _jellybean_

Halo sleep sack swaddlers worked for both of my newborns


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## missusgee

Thanks everyone, it's so reassuring to hear this is completely normal. I was so worried I had made some huge mistake that I was paying for!

I love cuddling him of course, I just feel drained and after 2 week of never leaving his side I think it's all just got on top of me. 

DH has gone back to work today so I'm noticing the lack of being able to pass LO to him for cuddles!


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## Sarahdisco

OP - I found that by putting a worn t shirt in the basket (put it over the mattress like a sheet) it really helped LO settle. Smells of mum and that helps loads. 

Apart from that, hot water bottle works wonders. It is hard but will get easier.


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## MindUtopia

It's completely normal. And actually if your baby did anything but that, it would be weird. Babies should love to be cuddled and be happiest close to you. It's how their programmed. 

I found reading this really reassuring in the early days: https://babycalmblog.com/2012/07/06...y-your-newborn-is-only-happy-in-your-arms-30/

Also, I can't say enough how much it helped to get a wrap. My daughter was pretty much always worn in a Moby wrap until about 4 months. It made life so much easier for me and was really great for her as well.


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## Bevziibubble

This is completely normal newborn behaviour. Look up the fourth trimester. Babies need to be held lots, and don't let anyone tell you that you're spoiling your baby by holding, because you're not! 


When Holly was younger I used to hold her all day. She very rarely left my arms. At night I used to lie her on my chest for around 20-30 minutes until she was breathing quietly and was floppy. This means they're in a deep sleep. And place down gently. 


At 8 months I switched to bedsharing and it saved us a lot of sleep. I don't know whether this is a route you would want to go down. Some love it and others aren't comfortable with it. But whatever you decide to do, it's normal behaviour and it will pass :flower:


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## missusgee

I have a wrap, I'll give it a go to see if it helps. 

I just feel silly for thinking my LO should be 'independent' in terms of settling already. I forget it must be so scary for them being left when they can't see anything and only touch/smell can sooth them.


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## Babybear85

Don't feel silly the way the baby market is it's no wonder we feel they should be independent, nursery ready when they arrive, everything is marketed to make you think baby will be sleeping on their own boy it's a shock when you realise they dont lol


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## Bevziibubble

Babybear85 said:


> Don't feel silly the way the baby market is it's no wonder we feel they should be independent, nursery ready when they arrive, everything is marketed to make you think baby will be sleeping on their own boy it's a shock when you realise they dont lol

Totally agree with this :thumbup: The amount of money I wasted before baby arrived. I shall know for next time!


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## missusgee

Thanks ladies, your responses have really helped me today. I love my little man so much and I don't want to resent him not 'behaving' as I thought he should. Having extra big cuddles at the moment


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## PetiteMoi

It's almost impossible settling a baby to sleep in your arms and then put them down and expect them to stay asleep. I think you have to accept that either you settle them in your arms and let them sleep there, or you teach them to self settle in their cot and let them sleep there. I sleep trained my baby at 4 weeks - I didn't let her cry at all but I rocked her until she was drowsy but not asleep and then put her down in her cot. As soon as she started crying I'd pick her up again and rock her til she was calm and then I put her down again with her dummy. I kept doing this until she self settled in her cot. Now at two months I just have to put her down drowsy with her dummy and she settles herself. It takes a lot of patience to start but is totally worth it. For her afternoon and early evening naps I still sometimes let her fall asleep and stay asleep on me as that's when she craves extra closeness but most of the time she settles with a dummy in her cot.


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## Salt Air

Hi!
You've had some great advice & reassurance already, so I don't have much to add in that sense. But I will say that it won't be like this always, so try & enjoy the sleepy cuddles, especially in the daytime, while they last & not worry too much about housework etc. Maybe easier said than done but I miss the days where I could get away with movies on the sofa with a sleepy warm baby on my chest!


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## Dream.dream

It's normal. My baby spends most of his day either in my arms or in his sling or wrap on my chest and we co sleep 90% of the time

Babies that young don't have object perminance . So basically if thy can't see you they don't know that you exists anymore so that's scary for them


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## Irish Eyes

I think most of us had the "my babys broken!" Moment when we realized they couldn't be put down at all! I used to look lovingly at the Moses basket, swinging crib, pram & cot that we spent a fortune on but lo never used! My pre loved £20 mei tai was my life saver!


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## Reno

have a read into the 'fourth trimester'. It takes 12 weeks for baby to adjust from being inside to out in the world, so they need the comforts from being in the womb like hearing your heartbeat! Enjoy every cuddle!


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