# How Do You Discipline A 1 Year Old?



## bloodbinds

I am the Aunt of two VERY naughty little boys. Aged 2 and 3 (almost 3 and 4 actually) and they are not disciplined very well at all, they get away with murder and any discipline they do recieve is not consistant so it doesn't stick. From them i have learnt i want to discipline my daughter properly, correctly and efficiently!

Well, Bella turns 1 in a couple of weeks, and is getting very mischievous! Lol. I watch supernanny and pretty much understand how to discipline a child, but her tactics (like the timeout) are a little too old for Bella methinks, she wouldnt understand!! Lol.

I don't feel i need to start discipling her yet (though i've been told by many people to start!) i feel she is too young and doesn't know that what she is doing is naughty (well, sometimes i feel she does understand and just wants to wind me up, hehe) - no point telling her off is she isn't going to learn from it though!

So was wondering, when do you start discipling? And how do you do it?
Do you think that they shouldn't be disciplined until they understand what they are being disciplined for (when ever that is)?

I mean, i do tell her 'No' when she does things she isn't meant to, but i really don't think she has a clue! Lol.


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## xCherylx

We started about one with the naughty spot and just being firm and giving him a time away from what he was doing seemed to work. He is now 2 and a half and not once gets off the spot


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## Anna_due Dec

My son is 15 months and we stll just use "no" although we say it very sternly. We also pick him up and remove him from whatever he is doing.


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## tas1

Just keeping saying no very firm and if she does it again or touches stuff she isnt allowed tell her no til she stops.
We have a naughty spot which i use! I give him a warning like ' im gonna count to 3 and if you havent stop you will go on the naughty (or bed or a toy will be taken off him) by the time i get to 2 he has stopped!
He is only really naughty when he is with my nephew who is 11 days older,think they show off to each other!
It worse with grandparents...my dad is too soft and i have to tell him off if he says aww leave him he's not that naughty so i have to say dad if consistent then they wont listen at all!
Its hard work but worth having a good child x


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## Tsia

i have started just using the word NOOOOOOOOOO in a very firm voice if I am serious. And to be fair Mylo KNOWs I mean it. I point my finger at him or whatever he is doing and he will stop. then I say 'come on' in a different upbeat tone and hold my arms out. He usually almost always prefers a cuddle than to continue being naughty. 
Been doing that since 11 months and hes 15 months soon.. its working better and better each time. 

The odd time he will cry if I say it. and have a sit down protest.. so I will either walk away (he'll soon come running) or picj him up and bring him to do something else. Theyre only crocodile tears cos he didnt get his own way.. and usually only last 4-5mins.


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## rosie272

I just say a stern 'NO' to Charlie just now, or if he's pulling on the phone cables (his favourite:wacko:) I just pick him up and put him somewhere else. If he starts throwing a tantrum I just leave him for a few minutes then he'll shuffle over for a cuddle :) Distraction is working best for us just now but think I'll be doing 'naughty spot' when he's a bit older - can't wait lol!!


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## AP

Alex knows a stern NO (she stamps her feet and whines/cries because she cant have her way!)

Oh GOD what am i in for!


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## HannahsMummy

I started off discipline for Hannah when she was about 1, just by saying NO and removing her from the situation if she was doing something naughty. When she got to about 18 months I introduced the naughty spot (don't have any stairs!) - she has only ever had to go there twice and she seemed to understand it as she had a face like thunder the whole time she was there. 
Now she is 2 she has a lot more understanding of what she is doing so if she is doing something naughty then I tell her NO and I also explain why she shouldn't be doing it. She is very well behaved for a 2 year old, she know what she can and can't get away with.


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## wispa86

we started with the firm NO and if he ignores it (which he chooses to do quite often!) i can just move him away. I keep moving him away and he has 3 chances before he gets totally removed from the situation. Ive not had to start the naughty spot yet but i think it might be on the cards!


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## Laura2919

We say no, then if they dont listen we say do you want to go on the naughty step and if they dont listen again they go on the naughty step and they stay there for one minute and then if they have been horrible I say give (whoever) a kiss and then they get up and play.


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## special_kala

I'm quite firm with river but wouldn't say i discipline her.

If she does something she isnt allowed to I say no and explain why so if she is touching the oven I say no river hot and dangerous. she recognizes the tone now. Now she will stop what she is doing most of the time. If she doesn't stop I just remove her from the situation.

Sometimes she listen and stamps her feet but I don't give in. I think being consistent is tye key.

I love super nanny! It amazes me how kids get to that stage


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## bloodbinds

Yeah i get the temper tantrums when i say no too!

I will usually say no a couple of times (first time she will look at me and smile, then turn to do it again) and by the third time i take her away. Half the time she will either go back to do it again, or sit there and cry and thump her fists. Bless her. But to be honest i'm not very consistant as i wasn't sure if she was too young to be saying no to her. But if you girls think now is a good time i could start??


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## MotherBeth

I sort of have the "I always get my way, but I'm not mad about it" style -- which means like, if she does something I don't want her to do, I just say "nope" and stop her from doing it, and then if she tries again, I say "nope", and stop her from doing it, until she figures out it's just not gonna happen! 

But there's no punishment involved, if you know what I mean. Just sort of a firm, clear message that we do what I say, and that's an automatic. I can't really see punishing a one-year-old, cause I can't see them comprehending "I'm making you do such-and-such because of some reason you're supposed to figure out" -- and also, it just seems like if I'm clear, firm and relaxed, it just never gets that far.


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## Arcanegirl

Were still at the stage of just saying no and removing from the situation, mostly hes fine with the removing not very often we get the whinging stiffened body to go with it


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## kiwimama

I used distraction as much as possible when Ella was younger which worked quite well. Now she understands more, she gets time outs.


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## Szaffi

DD already understands no, but seems to be very frustrated with it. But we have to sometimes say it, as now she moves around freely and is able to get into trouble.


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## Abigailly

Niamh thinks no is the funniest word about.

She do sent understand it really. I remove, say no and carry on doing so until she gets the mlessage. First few times we get tantrums, usually they go along with the arms i
N the air so it's hard to pick her up and the 'face'. Which is, the face goes up, the mouth gurns and we have something betweea cry an d a whine.


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## Lu28

I don't think we've got to the stage of 'discipline' yet if by that you mean punishment as I think she's far too young to understand what it means. I am firm with her though and do tell her no when I need to. At first, it meant absolutely nothing and I would say no, tell her the reason why and then move her away from whatever she wanted. Then she'd go straight back to it! :dohh: We started this at about 1 year and it took a couple of weeks but she eventually got it. We're consistent about it so she's learned I think that if we say no then it's not going to happen so there's no point keeping trying. If she has a tantrum over something, I just leave her to it with no attention - I'm still not convinced that works as she can keep going for a long time!


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## Connah'sMommy

Connah understands a firm No too. Sometimes,depending on who says it, he will giggle and test you but if OH says it or me then he will frown,sit down,headbutt the floor and then cry :dohh:

I dont think there is another way of discipline that would work at this age tbh xx


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## suzanne108

Lola already understands the word "no" :lol: 

She glares at me when I say it!


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## florabean1981

I asked about this recently in a Bumpkins thread & got some interesting replies. The general consensus was to say NO in a firm, but calm voice as a warning, then if they continue to do it, remove them from that situation & say No again...

However, the best piece of advice I was given (by Kaites) was to use the word & sign for 'STOP' instead of using 'no' and then if they continue, use redirection as a technique to remove them from the situation & redirect them to another acitivity, area, toy etc to show them they dont need to play/get into/mess with etc the stuff they were doing before.

I was also told something along the lines that there are times when we see things as misbehaving that are actually our own fault for not baby proofing better, keeping dangerous things out of reach or not being as actively involved in the child as we should be.... Not entirely convinced I agree with that tbh, but it certainly made me think.... I can't tell my son off for getting half way up the stairs when I was the idiot who forgot to shut the stair gate, lol!!! :dohh:


But anyways, the 'stop' thing, combied with shaking the head & signing stop, then moving them away, has, in my expertience proven far more effective than saying no ever did... But everyone's different.


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## bloodbinds

Ohh, i like the Stop idea.

I dont think it's my fault (or i hope not!) I moved to a bigger house just so i could baby proof it and for it to be safer for her. But it's just when she does silly thing, like always trying to put her hair bobbles into my drink (wah?) or she throws her juice across the room :dohh: Lol.


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## channy3232

MotherBeth said:


> I sort of have the "I always get my way, but I'm not mad about it" style -- which means like, if she does something I don't want her to do, I just say "nope" and stop her from doing it, and then if she tries again, I say "nope", and stop her from doing it, until she figures out it's just not gonna happen!
> 
> But there's no punishment involved, if you know what I mean. Just sort of a firm, clear message that we do what I say, and that's an automatic. I can't really see punishing a one-year-old, cause I can't see them comprehending "I'm making you do such-and-such because of some reason you're supposed to figure out" -- and also, it just seems like if I'm clear, firm and relaxed, it just never gets that far.

I was going to say the same thing. Rocco is 17 months and he does something or touches something he shouldn't be, I tell him no or don't touch. If he does it again, it's not because he's being bad or naughty so I don't think disciplining him would be appropriate. And he's pretty good if I tell him no or to drop something, he does.


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## Mynx

Evie's not quite a year yet but we've been using the stern "no" and distraction technique for a couple of months. I usually say in a stern voice "Evie, that's naughty" then go on to say why (ie, it's hot, dirty etc) and if she ignores that, I'll move her away or remove the offending object and give her something else to play with. Seems to be working so far and always worked on my first daughter too :thumbup:


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## aimee-lou

At the moment Earl gets away with murder! lol 

Nah, he's actually ery good and understands No, as we only use it when he's about to do something he shouldn't. If he's 'mis-behaving' as in crying for no reason, hitting a dog lol :rofl: I will remove him and say the word 'naughty'. 9 times out of 10 he'll whinge a bit then go and play (or find someone else to play with as i'm mean! lol). 

I think if this continues to work then I'll carry on but I would consider naughty spot tactics from about 16months, so probably after christmas for us. We're currently living with MIL so discipline is quite difficult as she's softa s muck with him and lets him have his way with everything.......I'm just glad that he's only small so that we can undo the damage quickly....imagine if he was 2 or 3! :wacko: :nope:


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## sausages

I am having this same issue at the moment. DD is older than your bubs, but still too young (i think) for the naughty step technique. Plus, i think you know yourself whether something is likely to work for your kid and i just don't thiink trying to keep her on one spot for a minute will do anything except just make her hysterical. Plus i have a newborn to look after too, so i want to make things as easy for myself as i can. :lol:

I'll just copy and paste the resources i've been reading about this that i've found useful.

*From Parents.com:*

_The Birth of Discipline_

Whenever my 1-year-old, Luke, is near rocks, he shovels them into his mouth. And when he sees our cat, he likes to lunge, even though the cat likes to swipe and hiss.
Setting limits, reinforcing good behavior, and discouraging less-desirable behavior can start when your child is a baby. "There are things that even infants have to learn not to do, like pulling your hair," says Judith Myers-Walls, PhD, associate professor of child development and family studies at Purdue University. Of course, babies are somewhat limited when it comes to language comprehension, memory, and attention spans, so it's best to focus on damage control rather than trying to teach an actual lesson.
Distracting (helping him move from a not-so-good activity to something better) and ignoring (just what the name implies) are two very effective strategies. If, for example, your 4-month-old discovers how much fun it is to yank your hair, gently take his hand, give it a kiss, and redirect it toward something more baby-friendly, like a rattle.
In other instances, ignoring will do the trick. Of course, you never want to ignore a behavior that could be dangerous, but it's smart to simply look the other way when your 7-month-old cheerfully pelts his 59th Cheerio from his high chair. Very young children are utterly guileless; your cereal pitcher isn't trying to annoy you. He's learning the important concept of cause and effect. Sure, these behaviors can be frustrating, but your best bet is to stay calm and carry on with what you were doing.

*From babycentre:*

This is aimed at 2 year olds, but i think a lot probably applies to younger kids too.

What to expect at this age
It's a 2-year-old's job to explore the world around him &#8212; and part of that exploration involves testing the boundaries of his world. That means your 2-year-old will gleefully push the limits you impose in an effort to find out what's okay and what's not okay. He's also a creature ruled by emotion, and can turn on a dime from a happy-go-lucky child to a flailing, wailing wild thing.

When your child gets too worked up for his own good, sometimes the best way to help him get a handle on himself is to remove him from whatever sparked the meltdown (or the limits-pushing) in favor of a little quiet time, better known as a time-out. Though many experts, including Penelope Leach, are skeptical about using traditional time-outs with children so young, it's fine to introduce the concept of a cooling-off period now. Six strategies for making the most of time-outs with your child:

What to do
Understand what a time-out is &#8212; and isn't. If you don't think of a time-out as punishment, neither will your child, and that's as it should be. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to teach your child how to cope with common frustrations and modify his behavior. Although at times it may require superhuman effort, try not to scold, yell, or speak angrily when you call "time-out" &#8212; the point isn't to chastise your child, it's simply to help him switch gears. The goal of a time-out is to defuse and redirect an escalating situation in an unemotional way, and to help your child behave without setting a negative example, the way yelling does.

Don't give formal time-outs before your child is ready for them. Two-year-olds find it hard to sit still, so trying to make your little one stay in one place for a prescribed length of time may well disintegrate into a chase scene: Your child runs away from his time-out spot, delighted with this new game. You catch him, then struggle to make him stay. You threaten, he laughs. You grab, he bolts. Meanwhile, because 2-year-olds have short attention spans, your child forgets why you wanted him to sit still in the first place. Instead of helping him regain his self-control, you find yourself in an escalating power struggle.

That's why traditional time-outs won't work until your child begins to appreciate the need to follow rules (usually around his third birthday). Watch for signs that he understands what's allowed and what's not &#8212; if he reminds you of the rules when you break them, chances are he's absorbed that lesson. If, for instance, he catches you doing something you normally wouldn't allow him to &#8212; munching potato chips on the sofa, say &#8212; he may scold, "You're not supposed to do that, Mommy." Until that point, though, hold off on time-outs or your child will feel he's being punished but won't understand why.

Meanwhile, try to distinguish between your child's natural inquisitiveness and willful disobedience. Instead of constantly correcting his behavior, childproof your home to reduce the opportunities for mischief, and distract your child to redirect his attention to more suitable activities. Save time-outs for when your child is doing something he knows is wrong and distraction and redirection just aren't working, or when he needs to get a grip on his emotions.

Take time-outs together. Most 2-year-olds just aren't ready for solitary time-outs, so introduce the idea of time-out by taking a "positive" one together. When your 2-year-old gets revved up and borders on losing control, try saying, "Let's take a time-out to read a book until we feel better." Any quiet activity, such as listening to music, lying down, or putting together a simple puzzle will work.

Taking a time-out with you gets your child used to the idea of a cooling-off period. It disrupts the downward spiral of negative behavior while avoiding the battle of wills that a more formal time-out can incite.

Plan ahead. Don't spring time-outs on your child in a burst of frustration &#8212; this discipline method works best if it's explained ahead of time. Use simple terms: "When you get too wild or act in a way that Mommy and Daddy don't think is a good idea, I'll call, 'Time-out.' That means you'll sit in this chair for a little while until you can calm yourself down." You may find it helpful to act this out or to use a doll or teddy bear to demonstrate.

Be flexible. With a 2-year-old, your goal is simply to introduce the idea of an enforced break in the action. Such an interruption can be upsetting enough to your hard-charging, egocentric 2-year-old; insisting that he sit in a certain place, in a certain way, for a certain length of time may be too much for him. Instead of marching him to a special "time-out" chair, for instance, consider just having him sit still right where he is &#8212; and stay with him if need be. Go easy, too, in determining how long he needs to stay there. (Don't start following the common one-minute-per-year rule until your child is at least 3.) Thirty seconds to a minute is generally enough for a 2-year-old. The period should be long enough to refocus his attention but not so long that he gets frustrated. One idea: Have him sit and recite his ABCs, then redirect him to a different activity.

Don't expect miracles. As you've no doubt discovered, 2-year-olds are notoriously active, willful, and unpredictable. This is normal (though admittedly tough on you), and the only solution is plenty of patience. Testing limits and gauging your reactions &#8212; over and over again &#8212; is your child's way of establishing a secure understanding of his world. He may repeatedly toss food off the table to establish that gravity continues to exist. He may repeat an action just to make sure it's still "not okay," so consistency is vital.

No single disciplinary approach &#8212; including time-outs &#8212; will transform your child into an obedient angel. But learning what behaviors are normal (or at least unavoidable!) at this age will help keep your expectations realistic. If, on the other hand, your child is usually pretty compliant and easily redirected, you may be lucky enough never to need time-out. You may also find that using the positive time-out technique &#8212; changing the pace to a quieter activity &#8212; works well throughout your youngster's childhood. 

*From The Baby Whisperer's Toddler book:*

_12 ingredients of conscious discipline_

1-know your own boundaries--and set rules
2-look at your own behavior to see what you're teaching your child
3- listen to yourself to make sure your in charge ,not your toddler
4-whenever possible plan ahead--avoid difficult settings or circumstances
5 see the situation through your toddlers eyes
6 pick your battles
7 offer close end choices
8 don't be afraid to say "no"
9 nip undesirable behavior in the bud
10 praise good behavior and correct or ignore bad
11. don't rely on corporal punishment
12 remember that giving in doesn't equal love

1- know your own boundaries and set rules

Tracy suggests that you know what you are comfortable with-- example if a neighbor thinks its okay to have their lo jump on the couch --is it okay for you?? -make your own rule in your house .. think about your boundaries and be consistent.. tell your child what you expect-- she is not a mind reader.

for example don't take her to a sweet shop and say "you cant have candy"instead set the rules before hand"we we go to the store you can bring a snack but i will not buy you candy-wouldyou like goldfish crackers or carrots?"

set a line and keep it firm. 

2-look at your own behavior to see what you're teaching your child
discipline is one area in which environment can play an even greater role than temperament

it is the way we handle situations--set limits without anger act instead of react,and deal calmly with stressful situations-is the way we show children how it looks to be in control of our emotions

for instance there is a huge difference in yanking a child out of a store and removing him in a calm nonjudgmental way --the former teaches violence the latter self control. children are like sponges. everything we do teaches them.
lessons are taught in the mundane moments of life as well--your impolite to a store clerk,if you curse at the telephone when you get disconnected,if you and your partner yell at each other.you child will watch such scenes carefully and in all probability incorporate your behavior in her own repertoire 

3. listen to yourself to make sure you are in charge, not your toddler

listen to yourself are you saying phrases like "my child one let me.." "my child makes me..."

see if you are allowing king toddler to rule. that wont do being a parent means being in charge.

problems can occur when parents have no boundaries and let their children set the agenda

that is not to say that we ought to be overbearing or extremely strict to that we don't offer toddler choices (would you like to wear the blue shirt or the red one)it just means when it comes down to it after you attempt to get your child to cooperate after you've tried all the tricks in this ( or any) book you must be the one who calls the shots.

4.whenever possible plan ahead;avoid difficult settings or circumstances
with very young children who lack the cognitive skills to understand why something is off limits its best to steer clear of the more challenging situations this is usually possible if you think things through. remember the L in HELP limit stimulation and limit situations that are too difficult for your child . whenever possible avoid "too "situations --anything that is too loud. too frantic.too many kids. too much activity too demanding.etc.

planning may not solve every problem but it certainly can alleviate the ones that crop up repeatedly.. as long as we learn from them

5. see the situation through your toddler's eyes

behavior that seems "bad' or "wrong" to an adult may mean something quite different from a toddlers point of view. when a toddler grabs a toy it doesn't mean he's"aggressive" when he steps on a toy/puzzle it doesn't mean hes "thoughtless" when he bites his mom he doesn't mean to hurt her and when they knock over a basketful of toys it doesnt mean hes "destructive"

what is going on? in the first instance the doesn't have the verbal capability to say"i want that toy" in the second he doesn't have the physical coordination to step over the toy/puzzle (and probably doesn't even see it)in the third his teeth hurt and he doesn't have the physical control choose something more appropriate to teeth on. in the fourth he doesn't understand cause and effect.

what appears to be aggression alot of times is curiosity--some misbehavior Is being in the wrong place at the wrong time. or your child may be overtired,a physical state that tend to make toddlers more impulsive and sometimes aggressive.

when it you've been inconsistent about setting boundaries you cant expect your toddler to guess your standards . 

6. pick your battles

monitoring a toddler can be exhausting --its important to know when it is absolutely necessary to enforce your boundaries and when it is okay to relax them a bit. clearly when you're stuck in a no-win situation you have to make a decision-do i hold the line or give in gracefully

lets say its clean up time and your child is a bit overtired when you say "time to clean up" she refuses suggest "i will put your blocks away while you put doll to bed in the toy chest" if she continues to balk say "i will help you"and proceed to put everything except one item away. hand that to her and say her you can drop this in the toy box praise her (not excessively) when shes done it "good job"

if your trying to get a child dressed and your already late you don't have time to put on an article of clothing every ten min. allow your child to show up at day care. or wherever in his pj's

the point is sometimes you need a quick solution .. use your judgment and ingenuity but dont make excuses or go into long explanations.

7. offer close ended choices

toddlers are often more cooperative when offered a choice because it gives them a sense of control.
instead of threatening or squaring off against your toddler then try to involve her and make her part of the solution. but be sure to propose closed end choices. questions or statements that force a concrete response.. not a yes or no answer "do you want Cheerios or cocoa puffs?"do you want to put your blocks away first or your dollies?" they have to be real choices not fake ones. real choices are alternatives you've narrowed down in your own mind which leave no room for interpretation .

for example if your undressing her and you say"are you ready for your bath now?" your not asking for her input your indirectly telling her whats going to happen. and by making it a question you also risk her saying "no" a more appropriate question would be "when you take your bath, do you want to use the red washcloth or the blue one?" 

8. dont be afraid to say "no"

no matter how much forethought you give to a situation there will be times when you'll have to deny your toddlers request. ask yourself:am i one of those parents who thinks its necessary to make my child happy all the time?

we set a rude awaykening if we never teach them to accept "no" for an answer. this doesnt mean to say "no" repeatedly.-- 

9. Nip undesirable behaviour in the bud

Can you catch it before it happens, or at least, step in whilst it's happening? Warn that we do not throw toys as the arm is being raised, rather than let it happen, and then have to deal with it.

Also, there is often a reason for this behaviour - is your toddler tired/frustrated/hurt. What could you do to prevent this in the first place? Name the emotion straightaway "I know you're [insert emotion]" - never shame or scold a child for having an emotion. The goal is to teach your child to manage those emotions. 

10. Praise good behaviour and correct or ignore bad

Toddlers want their parents'/caregivers' attention, it matters less to them what form that attention takes. So, if they only get attention when they are acting up/whining, then that is what they will do.

Instead of waiting until your los whine, praise them when they are entertaining themselves or playing nicely. Secure in the knowledge that you're paying attention to them, they'll be encouraged to stay at tasks longer than when they sense that you're not. Make the good moments last by acknowledging them.

When the whining starts, say you can't answer until you talk in your best voice - and then model what a 'best voice' sounds like. "Don't whine at me, please. Say it like this 'Please help me Mummy' ". 

11. Don't rely on corporal punishment

If you hit a child or demonstrate violence in any way, you have lost control and it is you, not your child, who requires help. Physical punishment is a short-term solution that is not teaching anything positive. It instead teaches that we hit when we are frustrated or angry / when we lose control / when we don't know what else to do.

Why you shouldn't spank:

- It's a momentary solution. The behaviour will stop because the child is trying to avoid pain. It does not teach any new skills, and does not help him develop inner control.

- It's unfair. When a person loses control and hits a little person, he or she is being a bully.

- It's a double standard. You cannot hit a child in frustration or anger, and then expect that child not to do the same thing.

- It encourages aggression. Children who are spanked tend to hit peers, especially those who are younger or smaller, and try to solve problems with violence. 

12. Remember that giving in doesn't equal love

Concious discipline is about teaching, not punishment. Your child will not hate you for teaching him about boundaries. A happy child is one who has been taught the skills to control himself. Every time you 'give in', your child will next time up the ante - this will spiral into you feeling you have lost control. Your child will be seen as a 'problem', through no fault of his own.

At the same time, you are allowed to make mistakes - conscious discipline needs practice, and it's hard - it takes you trying to be creative and lighthearted (even when close to losing your temper).

When you are consistent and clear about your rules, not only do you feel better about yourself and the kind of parent you are, your child also feels secure. He knows your boundaries and respects you for your word. He loves you for your honesty, knowing that when you say something, you follow through. 

*Also from The Baby Whisperer:*

H -- HOLD BACK
E-- ENCOURAGE
L-- LIMIT
P-- PRAISE

Tracy has a checklist in her toddler book to see if you are a helping parent

"keep H.E.L.P. in the back of your mind throughout the day.especially if you find yourself in a sticky situation. Of course with a toddler that could happen several times a day! think of each letter and ask yourself..
H: am i holding back or have i been in my child's face interfering, being too intrusive, rescuing before he needs my help? remember that the H-- holding back-- is for the purpose of observation ,which is not the same a being detached,rejection or ignoring your toddler

E: have i encouraged my child to explore or do i hover there are many opportunities in the day for exploration, any number of which an be thwarted by a parent. do you. for instance , talk for her when she's playing quietly with another child? do you do her puzzles instead of seeing if she can mange them on her own? do you stack blocks for her without letting her try? are you constantly directing.monitoring and instructing?

L: do i limit or allow things to go to far? too much of anything is not usually good for toddlers. do you give too many choices or allow too much stimulation?do you wait too long before reining in tantrums,aggressiveness, or other high emotions? do you curtail activities that arent good in big doses .like eating candy or watching tv? and do you allow your child to participate in situations that aren't age - appropriate, which could lead to danger,distress or feelings of failure?

P: do i praise appropriately or do i overpraise?? do i use praise appropriately--to reinforce specific acts of cooperation ,kindness, or behavior or a job well done? I've seen parents who say "good job: to their toddlers when the toddler just sits there and breaths. not only are those parents using praise improperly,eventually their words of praise.deserved or otherwise will mean nothing to their children

*Positive Discipline (taken from the baby whisperer forums)*

Discipline is different from punishment because it teaches children to learn from their mistakes rather than making them suffer for them. In fact, imposing suffering actually shifts the focus from the lesson that needs to be learned to who is in control. As a result, punishment focuses on the parent being responsible for controlling a child's behaviour, rather than the child controlling his/her own behaviour, which is the focus of discipline.

In a great book, Positive Discipline, author Jane Nelsen offers guidelines for using consequences,
which she calls the Four R's of consequences: reveal, related, respectful and reasonable. Here's how they work:

Whenever possible, REVEAL the consequences of misbehaviour ahead of time so children will know what to expect the next time they choose to misbehave. &#8216;&#8216;If you want to ride your bike, you need to stay on the sidewalk or I'll know you've decided to put it in the garage.&#8217;&#8217;
Notice how the responsibility for the behaviour and its effect are on the child rather than the parent. Can you tell how different this sounds than if the parent said, &#8216;&#8216;Don't go in the street or I'll take your bike away.&#8217;&#8217;

The discipline should be logically RELATED to the misbehavior. Sending a child to bed or restricting a child from TV has nothing to do with riding a bike in the street.

Present your comments in a RESPECTFUL manner that lets children know they have a choice about how they behave. &#8216;&#8216;When I see you riding your bike in the street, I know you're not ready to ride it safely and need to put the bike away.&#8217;&#8217;
Notice how different this sounds than, "That's it, get out of the street! I'm taking your bike away for the rest of the day! You could get killed out there!" When we speak to children in disrespectful ways, they respect us less and tend to talk back at us disrespectfully more often. We earn others' respect by showing respect to them first.

Provide a REASONABLE solution that will allow children an opportunity to correct the behavior while the lesson is fresh in their minds. &#8216;&#8216;You can try to ride your bike again on the sidewalk after lunch.&#8217;&#8217;
Each time the child violates the rule, increase the time limit gradually. If you restrict children from a bike for a week the first time, they'll spend more time dwelling on their resentment than thinking about the lesson. If they make the same mistake again, they're likely to lose the bike for a month! Children need practice at being good -- and we need to be honest with ourselves and decide whether our goal is to teach positive behavior, to show who is in power, or to get revenge.

If any one of the Four R's is missing from the discipline, it turns the technique into punishment, which has four new R's: Resentment, Rebellion, Revenge, and Retreat (lying, learning to not get caught, running away). If your child reacts in any of these ways, review how you presented your discipline. Chances are, one of the Four R's of Discipline was missing. But don't worry, children always give us another chance to learn from our mistakes!

Please see this link for Companion Books recommended here on BW: list of compainion books ** complete list in first post**

For this author's website:
https://www.positivediscipline.com/





I hope that helps a bit! :)


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## florabean1981

wow, now that was a reply & a half! lol. :thumbup:


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## bloodbinds

bloody hell! Lol! Thanks x


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## sausages

Ha ha ha! I did copy and paste most of it! LOL!


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## louise1302

i dont really use the word no to me it didnt make sense to say no to things he shouldnt be doing because i wasnt telling him why so for example if he pulled my hair id say dont pull mummys hair it hurts or if he went to touch the radiator or cooker id say dont touch that its hot
now he will look at the radiator and say hot hot hot and not touch it so he has learned that way
im rubbish at explaining things but no to me was not really teaching him anything


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## KidneyBeans

My 16 month old now doesn't get into too much trouble.

My biggest trouble makers were DS8 and DS9.

We used the naughty step, like others have already suggested. 

At 1 though, 'no' was used quite a lot. Usually I would explain why. "No, we don't hit sister because it hurts her" or "No, we don't take toys away from brother because it makes him feel bad." For the most part, the no with the explanation was good enough. 

We also make it a point here to praise more than discipline. That's not to say we don't discipline when we see a problem, but we praise a lot throughout the day so when it comes time that we have to discipline, they don't feel like that's all we do.

It's hard to praise more than discipline, but definitely worth it. For example, if my kids share a toy with another, I praise them. If they wash their hands without my asking, I praise them. Etc, etc. Simple things.


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## tinyme77

From what i've read 1 is too early to have any concept of something being the wrong behaviour. Saying no is the best solution and prevention is good too. They won't understand why they are on the naughty step as they don't understand wrong. And they might just feel abandoned and resentful.
What are they doing that you don't like?


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## bloodbinds

It's not that i dont like what she's doing, haha. Just things like pulling hair and hitting.


I'm a big believer in using postives though, so anytime she doesnt something good i'm always praising her and clapping etc

Originally i wanted to praise the good and ignore the bad, but then, when i thought about it, she wont understand what she's doing is naughty if i just ignore it!! Lol.

I def think she is too young for naughty step, she wouldnt have a clue!! Lol. She also loves to climb the stairs so def wont be leaving her near them alone at this age!! Haha


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