# Finaly ready to tell lilly's story. New pregnancy mentioned xxxx



## sharonm153

Finaly ready to tell lilly's story. New pregnancy mentioned xxxx
Sorry if this becomes a bit long winded. I've been lurking here 4 a long time trying to pluck up the courage to tell my story.

Myself and OH have a 6 year old daughter and had decided to try for a brother or sister, after only 1 month we got that BFP we so wanted. As I had a easy pregnancy with DD it never occurred to us that we would face any problems.

Finally the day came to go 4 my 12 week scan, Oh works away so MIL came with me, I will never 4get the feeling of exitement I had waiting to go in for the scan. When the nurse started the scan she showed me my baby on the screen and pointed out all her limbs moving and let us listen to her HB. She then looks at me and says that she could see a problem with baby and leaves the room. She then came back after what seemed like ages, by this time i was crying my eyes out. The doc then looks and explains that my baby had a build up of fluid on her neck and called it a cystic hygroma.
We were then took to the docs office where explained that this is a marker for chromosome problems and told us the baby could have turners syndrome, Downs Syndrome or Edwards Syndrome. I was offered a cvs test the next day or I could wait 4 weeks and have an amnio. I was advised that cvs has a higher miscarriage rate. I wanted to give our baby the best possible chance and opted to wait the 4 weeks. This was longest most heartbreaking weeks of my life.
I finally had the amnio 4 weeks later and was told my results would take 3 days. I had already googled the possible outcomes and knew what each of these conditions would mean, myself and oh had agreed that we would continue with the pregnancy regardless of the results.
Well the day after the amnio we got that dreadful call from the doctor and were told that our baby girl had Edwards syndrome, I cant remember what else was said during that call as i went to pieces. My OH then spoke to doctor and agreed we would go into see him the next day.

The doctor explained at this meeting that Edwards Syndrome is not compatible with life and that I would probably not make it to term, he also advised that my daughters brain was badly affected and that she would not survive long after her birth if she made it that far as the rest of her organs would begin to shut down, I simply couldn't face the possibility of my baby girl suffering a slow and painful death not to mention the affect this could have on my then 5 year old daughter.
After a long and heartbreaking talk with our close family we decided the kindest thing we could do for our daughter would be to bring the end closer as i didn't want her to suffer in any way. This was the hardest choice i have ever made in my life and i still wonder every day if we done the right thing.

I gave birth to our beautiful girl on the 20th November at 9.20pm and she was perfect and looked so peaceful. We got to spend time with her a took lots of photos. This time was so special to us and I am forever grateful for this time. I made a memory box of all her scan photos and other things we collected. I haven't been able to look at it since but I know that I will in time and will get comfort from having her things. There is not a day goes by that my heart doesn't break 4 the baby we lost and I just hope to meet her again one day.

I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and everything looks good so far. I feel totally blessed to be given this chance but also feel guilty at the same time as this baby is a no way a replacement for lilly as she will always be in my heart till the day I die.

I just want to say thank if you have managed to read all that, sorry if i've rambled on a bit, just couldn't stop once I started.
Think all you ladies are very brave and amazing in the way you find strength in each other and offer support xxx


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## xx_Holli_xx

awe hunny im soo soo sorry you had to go through this. 
you are such and inspiration. congrats on the new pregnancy:)
fly high angel:)


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## SassyLou

:hugs:


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## Mamof1

:hugs:


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## kiki04

:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Thank you for sharing your story , I am so deeply sorry for you loss. 
I am so happy and exciting for you that you are pregnant again, I wish love and lots of luck.XOXOXOOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kayleigh Lou

:hugs:


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## mummylove

I am so sorry for the loss of ur daughter and congrats on the new pregnancy. Dont feel guilty of the new pregnancy. We might get pregnant after a loss but it doesnt mean we dont love that baby we lost :hug:


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry that Lilly didn't make it and you had to go through it all.

She will be looking down on you delighted that you are having her little brother or sister.

Love to you and your rainbow and floaty kisses for Lilly xxx


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## jojo23

awe hun just cried my eyes out reading this!!! im so sorry you had to go through it and soo happy your preg again! gives us all hope.

im TTC after losing my daughter at 22weeks,i also named her Lily :)

its been the hardest year of my life and i really hope i get a happy ending!

thanks so much for sharing and being so brave xxxxx :hugs: to your family and new LO


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## Hotbump

:hugs:


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## mama2connor

:hugs:


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## azoebuddy

I'm sorry u went through that hun and thanks for sharing xxx


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## sharonm153

Just wanted to say a big thank you to all you amazing ladies for your kind replies. 
My 6 year old said the other day that she thinks all the angel babies are all in the same place and have all the toys, candy and cuddles that they could ever want and that they wait there till their families come to collect them. :angel::angel: I'm going to hang on to that thought x

Hope you are all ok and Jojo 23 I will pray you get your rainbow baby xxxx


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## mojobear

How do kids manage to say the most beautiful things that we would love to say but don't know how to put into words.

Wishing you all the luck in the world with this pregnancy x


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## Jox

So very sorry for your loss of your little girl Lilly :hugs: i feel honoured to share my birthday with her 

Congrats on your rainbow pregnancy, im sure Lilly is watching over the 2 of you x


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## DueSeptember

:hugs:


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## OliveMartini

:hugs:


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## jorja

Congratulations on your new pregnancy :) You are an inspiration. I hope you find peace and comfort in this new babys life and she/he is born healthy and happy! You sure as hell deserve it. You are allowed to be happy and overjoyed with this new baby and at the same time remember the precious daughter you had! Goodluck with everything xx


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## maybebaby3

:hugs:


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## MummyMEE

xx


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## trulybl3ssed

I'm so sorry. This brought tears to my eyes. You can't blame yourself nor feel as if you made the wrong decision. You were faced with a horrible choice. You knew your baby wouldn't make it and she'd only suffer. Either way she wasn't going to make it. :( So you did the only thing you could've done. Your baby girl doesn't feel that she's been replaced. She lives on through this baby you're carrying. God has a purpose for everything. Listen to this song "You'll just have heaven before we do" by Watermark. I listened to this song every day after I miscarried and it helped me see things in a different way. GBU.


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