# Bed sharing with 7 month old. (Daycare problems)



## babybirdangel

We bed share with our 7 month old son. I work full time and get very little time with him. We have always bed shared and love it. My concern is that when he is in daycare he has a horrible time sleeping in his crib. He cries and screams. He has such as a hard time. Is there any other mothers who have this problem? I am off for the summer since I am a teacher, so we are working on him sleeping in a crib for naps. Hopefully that will help. My question is I feel like I am hurting him more by bed sharing. Should I stop bed sharing and train him to sleep in his crib? I feel so bad knowing he cries at daycare, because of not being used to it. But, at the same time bed sharing is a time that I can be close to him and love on him. TIA


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## Rachel_C

I think it would be crueler to never co-sleep. At least with co-sleeping at night, he is still getting the closeness he craves when he can. I've co-slept with my LO from birth but she has often slept in her bed/bouncer for day naps (I do let her sleep on me too though) so it's definitely possible to do different things at night. In a way I think it's good to things differently during the day so it's clear which is a nap and which is a big sleep. 

As you have the summer I would just keep working on it. Can you attach his cot to your bed, as a co-sleeping cot, to get him used to the feel of a cot (the bars etc)? Then feed him to sleep on your bed, or however you'd normally get him to sleep, but then edge away from him? Slowly transition to having him properly in the cot for his nap, then try separating the cot and getting him to sleep in there? Just do it really slowly. You have a good length of time to not rush things.


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## sojourn

I hate to be a wet blanket or be unsupportive...
First off, I am a HUGE proponent of co-sleeping 99% of the time. 

However, I also work at a pre-school that has an infant/toddler wing. We have a child who co-sleeps at night because his mom feels badly about being away from him for 12 hours a day. Totally understandable!! 

It is ROUGH!!!!! It disrupts the whole building at nap-time. There have been times where I have extremely tired and cranky students because the whole school has been kept up all of nap time by a screaming baby. This means that my students are quite unruly and spend a lot of time in time-out/being reprimanded instead of learning. It's also bad for the other babies around. This lasted for a few weeks before our director finally had to (sadly) tell the mother that if we couldn't find a problem she would have to take her child somewhere else. As it wasn't fair to the 50 other kids in the school and it was simply heart-breaking for the teachers. (This is all beside the more obvious point of no one wanting their baby to cry for hours every day, of course)

This mom decided to stop co-sleeping for a while and instead wear her baby at home and come to the school for her lunch to rock her baby before afternoon nap time. (I know the lunch thing won't work for you, as a teacher)

I'm sure you will come up with a solution that works for your family and obviously you are looking.


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## kosh

I am in a kind of similar situation - we too co-sleep, not only because I love it but because he's such a bad sleeper that otherwise i'd be up all night. I work full time and my LO is at nursery full time too. I mostly breastfeed him to sleep so when he started nursery at 10months I was very concerned how they would get him to sleep. He has never slept on a cot/crib on his own, (although we do have a co-sleeping cot and he doesn't sleep right next to me) and im sure he'd cry if they tried to put him to sleep in a cot at nursery, but luckily they are flexible enough and they tried other methods for him: he's been cuddled to sleep, rocked, bounced in a pram, etc - would anything like that work for your LO?


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## MommyJogger

I can guarantee that more students than that one cryer at sojourn's facility were cosleeping babies, considering roughly half the population at least part-time co-sleeps. A good daycare with experienced teachers will have a plethora of techniques at their disposal to calm a crying baby and help a baby nap. I've spent a lot of time nursing in daycare infant rooms and I've seen babies be put to nap dozens of different ways because the teachers have spent time experimenting, getting to know the child, and learning how to make the child comfortable enough to take a nap. (And I've met a lot of "screamers" that were children of vocal detachment parents, so it's not an AP issue.) Do you know what they've done so far to try to get him down to nap? I'd wager it's more an issue of "I need mommy here to be comfortable enough to take a nap" than a "What is this contraption I'm in?" issue, and that won't be "fixed" by cessation of cosleeping. Practicing naps in a crib certainly isn't going to hurt, but I don't think cosleeping is the issue here. Frankly if they're just sitting him in a crib and walking away expecting a 7mo old to just fall asleep and not trying to rock/bounce/walk him to sleep, I'd be looking for a new daycare this summer.


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## sojourn

MommyJogger said:


> I can guarantee that more students than that one cryer at sojourn's facility were cosleeping babies, considering roughly half the population at least part-time co-sleeps. A good daycare with experienced teachers will have a plethora of techniques at their disposal to calm a crying baby and help a baby nap. I've spent a lot of time nursing in daycare infant rooms and I've seen babies be put to nap dozens of different ways because the teachers have spent time experimenting, getting to know the child, and learning how to make the child comfortable enough to take a nap. (And I've met a lot of "screamers" that were children of vocal detachment parents, so it's not an AP issue.) Do you know what they've done so far to try to get him down to nap? I'd wager it's more an issue of "I need mommy here to be comfortable enough to take a nap" than a "What is this contraption I'm in?" issue, and that won't be "fixed" by cessation of cosleeping. Practicing naps in a crib certainly isn't going to hurt, but I don't think cosleeping is the issue here. Frankly if they're just sitting him in a crib and walking away expecting a 7mo old to just fall asleep and not trying to rock/bounce/walk him to sleep, I'd be looking for a new daycare this summer.


We do have more children that co-sleep. Many of these parents also made it a point o have their children nap in a crib while they were on maternity leave, knowing that it would be difficult once they returned to work. 

I was discussing this ONE example because it was the applicable example. As opposed to all of the other co-sleeping kids we have that have no trouble. 
I know they have tried a LOT to get this particular friend to sleep. They push down the halls in the stroller, they wear the child in a wrap (which mom does too at home), when we have extra hands a teacher will even lie with the child on a sofa we have so that can sleep. The trouble is, that's basically the only thing that really works. We just don't employ enough people to have an entire teacher dedicated to lying down with one child.

We do our best. We have accommodated lots of co-sleepers with slings, swings, bouncy seats and anything else. Only so much can be done at school. Ultimately, some situations require parent intervention to make things work. 

We all know that not everything works for everyone. What is good for one family may just not be feasible to another. It's really unfair to push people to do something without even investigating whether or not it's working. All that ends up doing is making people feel guilty that they can't accomplish some supposed ideal. Parents need to do what is the best in THEIR situation. Even if it means *gasp* not co-sleeping. 

OP, I really hope you and your childcare provider find a way to work this out so that you can continue co-sleeping. Obviously it's what you feel is best for your child. However, just know that you do have support even if you have to find some other method. You clearly, obviously love your child. Even if they don't get to co-sleep for as long as you'd like, that love will come through and they will feel it and benefit from it.


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## MommyJogger

sojourn said:


> MommyJogger said:
> 
> 
> I can guarantee that more students than that one cryer at sojourn's facility were cosleeping babies, considering roughly half the population at least part-time co-sleeps. A good daycare with experienced teachers will have a plethora of techniques at their disposal to calm a crying baby and help a baby nap. I've spent a lot of time nursing in daycare infant rooms and I've seen babies be put to nap dozens of different ways because the teachers have spent time experimenting, getting to know the child, and learning how to make the child comfortable enough to take a nap. (And I've met a lot of "screamers" that were children of vocal detachment parents, so it's not an AP issue.) Do you know what they've done so far to try to get him down to nap? I'd wager it's more an issue of "I need mommy here to be comfortable enough to take a nap" than a "What is this contraption I'm in?" issue, and that won't be "fixed" by cessation of cosleeping. Practicing naps in a crib certainly isn't going to hurt, but I don't think cosleeping is the issue here. Frankly if they're just sitting him in a crib and walking away expecting a 7mo old to just fall asleep and not trying to rock/bounce/walk him to sleep, I'd be looking for a new daycare this summer.
> 
> 
> We do have more children that co-sleep. Many of these parents also made it a point o have their children nap in a crib while they were on maternity leave, knowing that it would be difficult once they returned to work.
> 
> I was discussing this ONE example because it was the applicable example. As opposed to all of the other co-sleeping kids we have that have no trouble.
> I know they have tried a LOT to get this particular friend to sleep. They push down the halls in the stroller, they wear the child in a wrap (which mom does too at home), when we have extra hands a teacher will even lie with the child on a sofa we have so that can sleep. The trouble is, that's basically the only thing that really works. We just don't employ enough people to have an entire teacher dedicated to lying down with one child.
> 
> We do our best. We have accommodated lots of co-sleepers with slings, swings, bouncy seats and anything else. Only so much can be done at school. Ultimately, some situations require parent intervention to make things work.
> 
> We all know that not everything works for everyone. What is good for one family may just not be feasible to another. It's really unfair to push people to do something without even investigating whether or not it's working. All that ends up doing is making people feel guilty that they can't accomplish some supposed ideal. Parents need to do what is the best in THEIR situation. Even if it means *gasp* not co-sleeping.
> 
> OP, I really hope you and your childcare provider find a way to work this out so that you can continue co-sleeping. Obviously it's what you feel is best for your child. However, just know that you do have support even if you have to find some other method. You clearly, obviously love your child. Even if they don't get to co-sleep for as long as you'd like, that love will come through and they will feel it and benefit from it.Click to expand...

I just thought it was incredibly straw man to point to a single child in your facility as evidence that the OP should stop co-sleeping and there's no evidence pointing to the idea that this child is difficult _because _of the co-sleeping. Every other cosleeping child in your care that successfully naps at daycare is applicable to the situation, as well, since the OP is soliciting opinions specifically on whether cessation of cosleeping will help her child nap at daycare, but you didn't bother to include a statement saying "we also have plenty of successful nappers that cosleep and x, y, z is how we worked with them". 
I am not arguing that she shouldn't do what's best in her situation, but to suggest that "best" is to quit cosleeping based on cherry-picked anecdotal evidence is asinine. Working mothers have enough emotional difficulties with separation from their child without being told that they also need to separate during the time we _do _have with our children. It's not that I wouldn't fully support her if she decided that quitting is what she needed to do, it's that I don't support using fallacious logic to determine that as the solution.
I fully respect your experience as a caregiver and I appreciate reading your feedback as much as I'm sure OP does, but fallacious is fallacious and I'd feel terrible if I didn't speak up to point out the logic flaw and OP did this unnecessarily if she didn't 100% want to. I know my tone over the internet must sound like a bitch, but please don't take it that way. We're allowed to disagree, and hearing dissenting opinions is helpful more often than not.
:flower::flower::flower::flower::flower:


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## MommyJogger

PS. When did your DS start care, OP? Is he still settling in or has he been there since early on?


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## sojourn

MommyJogger said:


> sojourn said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MommyJogger said:
> 
> 
> I can guarantee that more students than that one cryer at sojourn's facility were cosleeping babies, considering roughly half the population at least part-time co-sleeps. A good daycare with experienced teachers will have a plethora of techniques at their disposal to calm a crying baby and help a baby nap. I've spent a lot of time nursing in daycare infant rooms and I've seen babies be put to nap dozens of different ways because the teachers have spent time experimenting, getting to know the child, and learning how to make the child comfortable enough to take a nap. (And I've met a lot of "screamers" that were children of vocal detachment parents, so it's not an AP issue.) Do you know what they've done so far to try to get him down to nap? I'd wager it's more an issue of "I need mommy here to be comfortable enough to take a nap" than a "What is this contraption I'm in?" issue, and that won't be "fixed" by cessation of cosleeping. Practicing naps in a crib certainly isn't going to hurt, but I don't think cosleeping is the issue here. Frankly if they're just sitting him in a crib and walking away expecting a 7mo old to just fall asleep and not trying to rock/bounce/walk him to sleep, I'd be looking for a new daycare this summer.
> 
> 
> We do have more children that co-sleep. Many of these parents also made it a point o have their children nap in a crib while they were on maternity leave, knowing that it would be difficult once they returned to work.
> 
> I was discussing this ONE example because it was the applicable example. As opposed to all of the other co-sleeping kids we have that have no trouble.
> I know they have tried a LOT to get this particular friend to sleep. They push down the halls in the stroller, they wear the child in a wrap (which mom does too at home), when we have extra hands a teacher will even lie with the child on a sofa we have so that can sleep. The trouble is, that's basically the only thing that really works. We just don't employ enough people to have an entire teacher dedicated to lying down with one child.
> 
> We do our best. We have accommodated lots of co-sleepers with slings, swings, bouncy seats and anything else. Only so much can be done at school. Ultimately, some situations require parent intervention to make things work.
> 
> We all know that not everything works for everyone. What is good for one family may just not be feasible to another. It's really unfair to push people to do something without even investigating whether or not it's working. All that ends up doing is making people feel guilty that they can't accomplish some supposed ideal. Parents need to do what is the best in THEIR situation. Even if it means *gasp* not co-sleeping.
> 
> OP, I really hope you and your childcare provider find a way to work this out so that you can continue co-sleeping. Obviously it's what you feel is best for your child. However, just know that you do have support even if you have to find some other method. You clearly, obviously love your child. Even if they don't get to co-sleep for as long as you'd like, that love will come through and they will feel it and benefit from it.Click to expand...
> 
> I just thought it was incredibly straw man to point to a single child in your facility as evidence that the OP should stop co-sleeping and there's no evidence pointing to the idea that this child is difficult _because _of the co-sleeping. Every other cosleeping child in your care that successfully naps at daycare is applicable to the situation, as well, since the OP is soliciting opinions specifically on whether cessation of cosleeping will help her child nap at daycare, but you didn't bother to include a statement saying "we also have plenty of successful nappers that cosleep and x, y, z is how we worked with them".
> I am not arguing that she shouldn't do what's best in her situation, but to suggest that "best" is to quit cosleeping based on cherry-picked anecdotal evidence is asinine.Click to expand...

I pointed out the child in our school that was applicable to the situation. Obviously, her child is not one of the children that is doing perfectly fine taking naps at school co-sleeping. I didn't realize that posting in a forum required a double blind study with a control group and a peer reviewed protocol with adequate sample size. 

I simply meant to illustrate that there are situations in which co-sleeping doesn't work. If you'll notice, I was the only person doing that. I also wanted show the other side of the equation, (the other people that are impacted by the choices of parents). I didn't think that it was important to denote every single child in the world that has ever successfully napped.

I never said that co-sleeping cessation was the only solution. In fact, I began my statement with the fact that I fully support co-sleeping 99% of the time (the other 1% being when it just doesn't work). I also said that I was sure that the OP would find a solution that worked for her and her family. 

Dissenting opinions are great, when they are respected. I clearly expressed my respect for co-sleeping and for each individual parent's right to choose what works for their family.


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## lozzy21

A good day care will be happy to cuddle a child to sleep, they do with the baby's at Niamh's nursery.


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## MommyJogger

sojourn said:


> I pointed out the child in our school that was applicable to the situation. Obviously, her child is not one of the children that is doing perfectly fine taking naps at school co-sleeping. I didn't realize that posting in a forum required a double blind study with a control group and a peer reviewed protocol with adequate sample size.
> 
> *I simply meant to illustrate that there are situations in which co-sleeping doesn't work.* If you'll notice, I was the only person doing that. I also wanted show the other side of the equation, (the other people that are impacted by the choices of parents). I didn't think that it was important to denote every single child in the world that has ever successfully napped.
> 
> I never said that co-sleeping cessation was the only solution. In fact, I began my statement with the fact that I fully support co-sleeping 99% of the time (the other 1% being when it just doesn't work). I also said that I was sure that the OP would find a solution that worked for her and her family.
> 
> Dissenting opinions are great, when they are respected. I clearly expressed my respect for co-sleeping and for each individual parent's right to choose what works for their family.

Except that you have _zero _evidence to suggest that the child in your example is having trouble _because _of cosleeping. Because we're specifically discussing whether cosleeping causes sleeping problem, the other cosleeping children who nap fine at daycare _are _applicable to the situation. There are also lots of non-cosleeping babies who have trouble napping and lots of cosleeping babies who have no trouble. All of these are applicable to the situation. That's called "not cherry picking". It's illogical to assume that child in your example suffers due to nighttime sleeping arrangements. I'm not asking for a double blind study, just for you to stop jumping to conclusions that daytime settling troubles are due to nighttime sleeping arrangements when it's much more likely to be separation anxiety or developmental.
As for her choices impacting other people, once again there's _no evidence that this was caused by cosleeping, ffs_! So there's no reason to lay on the "consider the other children" guilt, too.


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## toby1331

My LO has slept in her own crib in her own room since she was about three weeks, yet she has always fought naps in her crib. She will nap in our bed with harldly a peep, but can scream the house down in her crib. She also has a hard time napping any place but home.


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## aliss

toby1331 said:


> My LO has slept in her own crib in her own room since she was about three weeks, yet she has always fought naps in her crib. She will nap in our bed with harldly a peep, but can scream the house down in her crib. She also has a hard time napping any place but home.

My 1st was the same, he NEVER slept with us and even went into his own room by 10 weeks but he chucked a bottle at any daycare worker who dared to try and put him down for a nap! 

I also found my bedsharing baby sleeps well outside the house and anywhere during the day. I really do think it's a personality thing :shrug:


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