# Adoption, I want him back! Update pg 7 Happy Ending!!



## Lily34

Hi, I guess I should start from the beginning.

I was 16 years old when I find out I was pregnant, I had gone to a party and after some pressure from I guy I liked I had a few drinks, the rest of the night was kinda a blur, but we ended up sleeping to together, my first time. 
The next day he told everyone at school that I was a slut! 
Awhile later I started getting sick so I went to my doctor and she ran some tests, and it turn out I had morning sickness! I was shocked, so was my mom.
My mom sat down with me and we talked about what I could do, I wanted to give the baby up for adoption. I felt I was to young and I didn't really want to be a mother. Time seemed to go pretty fast, I didn't want to know anything about the baby as long as it was healthy, I find a very nice couple to adopt him, at that point I started to call him a him. I was fine with what I was doing, and just wanted it to be over with. 
Yesterday at about one in the morning I went in to labor. It's was like nothing I have ever been though, the pain was so bad! And it lasted about 12 hours!!
And then he was born, a little boy 7lbs 3oz. I can't put into words what I felt the second I heard him cry, it was like nothing I have ever felt before. I told them before he was born that I didn't want to hold him, but I get to see him for a minute when he was born, and then he was gone.

I'm home now, and I feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my life.
I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my body! I keep trying to tell myself that I did the right thing, but every part of me is screaming that he needs me! and I need him! He's my baby and I'm his mommy! I don't know what to do! My mom says that I should go and get him, I have one month to change my mind. But then I keep thinking about how I didn't want him, and they did so much, and with them he'll have a mommy and a daddy, but I love him so much and I know it won't be easy but I know I can take care of him! I guess I'm scared i'll make the wrong decision for him, and he means more to me then life itself. I just want to hold him!


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## krissy1984

:hugs: i am so sorry sweetie that you're going through this, I have no experience but couldn't read and run, all I can say is that if you want to keep him and you can look after him, it is completely your right to take him back. 

Lots of people don't want their babies right away, it is completely life changing but until you experience it you don't know how you'd react. It sounds as if you really want him back. PM me if you want to chat about anything x


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## hellohefalump

*hugs*
Do you think you would make a good mother? I'm not talking about money, lots of people bring up children with very little money. I'm talking about giving him the love, devotion and attention that he needs to be emotionally healthy. 

Your mum sounds supportive, would she help you if you were to get your baby back?

I know someone who had a baby when she was 14. She had a really supportive mother, who helped (she still lived at home) and now she is 19 and she's moved out into her own place and is doing really well. 

She missed out on partying and teenage stuff, but I don't think she regrets it because she loves her daughter more than anything. 

I hope you make the right decision, I don't know what that is as I don't know you... but I hope whatever you decide works out for the best.


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## moomin_troll

would u be able to talk to them and have a open adoption so ud still be in his life?

if ur not 100% sure u want him and ur ready to be a mum id rather do that then nothing at all.

i cant imagine how ur feeling but as u no u cant go into this lightly x


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## Mindy_mini

Listen to your mom. If she is willing to help you you can raise him alone. Thousands if not millions of young women do. If you want your son, go get him back. No one prepares you for the love you feel for your child when they are born. I was scared I wouldn't be able to love my dd for reasons I won't go into but she is the most perfect thing ever and I will kill for her if need be. 

Talk it through with your mum but if you have doubts you can't just give up


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## sophxx

if you want your baby back speak up hes your baby and theres no reaso why you cant be a amazing mum. theres lots of mums on here around your age who are fab mums.

its toatlly natural to feel the way you did theres lots of people who have a surprise baby and feel like there not ready or dont want the baby( this can happen to people who have planned the baby) but seeing h=your baby is comletely different.

you can keep your baby and surpport him all he needs is you as your his mum 

xx


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## littlelinnies

if i was you, i would go get him back! i doubt over time the pain will go away, and as someone who was adopted, i cant help but feel like why did my mum adopt me? and resent her a bit! its not about money! im a single mum raising my kids on benfits at the moment and they are loved sooooo much and have all they need.. if you can give him love then theres nothing else you need... xx


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## littlelinnies

and dont blame yourself and punish yourself because you were young and scared and had a doubts when you were pregnant! it doesnt make you a bad person or a bad mum! just think if you go and get him, you can make it up to him and yourself by being the most amazing mum! say you still feel like this in years time? it will be too late! its not too late now you can do what your heart clearly wants.. xxx


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## cherryglitter

i would be taking him back if it were me :hugs: 
your Mum sounds like a real support to you which will be a huge help. 
good luck xx


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## Miss_d

sounds like you really do want your son back, with your mums support you can do it, good luck


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## Novbaby08

You should go get him then. If your having second thoughts you need to go get him, it will come to haunt you if it wasnt the right choice. I know plenty of 15/16 year old moms that are wonderful parents. You can do it.


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## Sophie1205

Personally I think you should get him back. You really do sound like you want him back. I can't even imagine how you feel right now. If you're Mum is saying you should then you should. It sounds like she is willing to help you. There's no reason why you can't be a good Mum! xxxxx


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## rwhite

I think you should go for it. From what it sounds like, in your heart of hearts you really want to be a mummy to your little boy. Go for it before it's too late :hugs: xx Please keep us updated!


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## Lily34

I had a talk with my mom to work out school and money, I have one year left of school, so we agreed I would go to a part time night school and that I'd have to get a part time job as well. She said that its going to be hard with school a baby and work, but she said she knows I can do it! So do I. She also said I can take 3-6 months to just be a mom before I would have to go to work/school.

So I get him back! He's sleeping right now, I have no baby things!! We bought a bassinet, diapers and things, but that's it right now, I can wait to get things for him!!
It was a very hard day, I don't know how many times I told people that I was sure that this was what I wanted. I was stressed and worried and little scared, but the second I got to hold him everything want away, it was like nothing matter anymore as long as I had him. 

I named him Shawn.
https://i56.tinypic.com/1591g1.jpg


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## Novbaby08

:hugs: so happy for you!!


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## rwhite

He is SO beautiful, aww! :cloud9: Good on you for following your dreams. How did his adoptive parents take the news? Are they okay?

Your mum sounds amazing, so glad you've got the support you need from her. She will really help you through this by the sound of things.

xxx

PS, check out the teen parenting section :)


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## Lily34

The adoptive parents were very upset and bit reluctant to hand him over. I feel so bad for them, I picked them because they were very nice, loving people who had been trying to have a baby for 7 years. She asked me if I would send pictures and maybe she could see him again. I'm not sure how I feel about that.


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## Miss_d

OMG he is beautiful, look at that we smile, that says it all, hes very happy to be back with his mummy, i wish you both the very best, good luck to you xx


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## Emma&Freya

He is lovely :)

Im so glad that you got him back. Its upto you if you want to keep in touch with them, only you can make the choice. Dont feel pressured into it xx


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## moomin_troll

i cant imagine how heart broken the couple is and i understand why they would want a picture but hes ur baby and this is the risk they took adopting a newborn baby.

good luck being a mummy :) sounds like uve got a good mum helping u tho


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## littlelinnies

Lily34 said:


> I had a talk with my mom to work out school and money, I have one year left of school, so we agreed I would go to a part time night school and that I'd have to get a part time job as well. She said that its going to be hard with school a baby and work, but she said she knows I can do it! So do I. She also said I can take 3-6 months to just be a mom before I would have to go to work/school.
> 
> So I get him back! He's sleeping right now, I have no baby things!! We bought a bassinet, diapers and things, but that's it right now, I can wait to get things for him!!
> It was a very hard day, I don't know how many times I told people that I was sure that this was what I wanted. I was stressed and worried and little scared, but the second I got to hold him everything want away, it was like nothing matter anymore as long as I had him.
> 
> I named him Shawn.
> https://i56.tinypic.com/1591g1.jpg


what a gorgeous boy..i know it sounds silly as i dont know you.. but im soo proud of you, xxxxxxxx


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## baby_maybe

Your story had me in tears! I'm so so happy for you and I can tell from your posts that you will be a fab mommy :)


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## Stargazer77

Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.

Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))


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## Sophie1205

Awww he is gorgeous! xxxx


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## hellohefalump

I'm really happy for you, and Shawn is beautiful


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## FlowerFairy

Gosh you got him back very quickly. Like a previous poster said you wouldn't ge this in the UK. Youre very lucky. 
It must be hearbreaking for the adoptive parents , they'll be grieving for thr baby they've lost 
Im glad you got your boy back and I wish you all the luck x


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## littlelinnies

Stargazer77 said:


> Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))


well personally i think the american way is better, you should be given a month or so to change your mind! say this poor girl had been in the uk and did this and was scared and young and didnt think she could cope and then changed her mind, she would be without her baby for life..


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## FlowerFairy

littlelinnies said:


> Stargazer77 said:
> 
> 
> Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))
> 
> 
> well personally i think the american way is better, you should be given a month or so to change your mind! say this poor girl had been in the uk and did this and was scared and young and didnt think she could cope and then changed her mind, she would be without her baby for life..Click to expand...

But how about the poor adoptive parents why may have had problems conceiving, then "losing" the baby they thought they were finally getting. I find that incredibly sad :cry: if you decide to give your baby up then it needs to be a 100% definate decision The birth parents need to bd given a lot of support and counselling before even thinking about giving their baby up xxx


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## Stargazer77

No it doesn't work that way either. It's a very very lengthy process to have a baby adopted. It's a court procedure that can take years.

The legislation behind it keeps the welfare of the child the paramount consideration. To avoid parents keep changing their minds. 

Adoption is not a route that is taken lightly and so is more likely to avoid the scenario you describe below.
To avoid a baby forming a secure attachment to prospective parents only to be removed from them and given to somebody they don't know. To make absolutely certain.
The parent would be given significant support for as long as possible before reaching that decision.





littlelinnies said:


> Stargazer77 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))
> 
> 
> well personally i think the american way is better, you should be given a month or so to change your mind! say this poor girl had been in the uk and did this and was scared and young and didnt think she could cope and then changed her mind, she would be without her baby for life..Click to expand...


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## littlelinnies

i know.. but from what i've read from the opening posters comments, she when she was pregnant was scared and young and thought it was what she wanted.. and its a totally different ball game when your baby is actually here! and it sounds like she felt she had to give the baby away because it was all agreed which isnt fine..i think it was good she had the chance to be reunited with her baby. yes its ashame for the adoptive parents but you cant compare how they felt for a baby they had for a couple of days tops, to how a mother whos carried the baby for 9months feels. imo


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## Croc-O-Dile

A lot of teens feel forced into adoption, which is another reason why the US has the 30 day law. The terrifyingly strong instinct to protect your baby over all else doesn't kick in for a lot of people until after they've had the baby, in which case a lot of young mothers realize that this is their decision, not the person pressuring them into it. :flower:

OP, congratulation on getting your son back. I know you must feel terrible about the situation with his supposed to be adoptive parents, but one day they will get the baby they're longing for and that baby will be very lucky to have them, it just was never meant for that baby to be your son. :hugs:

If I were you, I'd probably send them a letter apologizing again for putting them through this, with a picture or two for them to look back on, because they will feel like they just lost their baby, kwim? And periodically send them updates on how well he's doing so they know he's being taken care of. I know not everybody would be comfortable with this, but I would feel like I owed them that much, you know?


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## Lily34

I feel really bad for taking him away from them, but at the same time very happy to have him back. 
I'm going to send them pictures and updates by email, and I really hope that they get there baby soon.
I'm very protective of him, I can't let anyone hold him besides my mom but only for a minute or two, and I had this really bad dream last night that I couldn't find him, I heard him crying but I didn't know where he was, it was so scary! I hope with time I can let up a bit, my mom wanted to take him to her room tonight so I can get some sleep, but the thought of waking up and him not being there is to much to take!


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## Croc-O-Dile

Lily34 said:


> I feel really bad for taking him away from them, but at the same time very happy to have him back.
> I'm going to send them pictures and updates by email, and I really hope that they get there baby soon.
> I'm very protective of him, I can't let anyone hold him besides my mom but only for a minute or two, and I had this really bad dream last night that I couldn't find him, I heard him crying but I didn't know where he was, it was so scary! I hope with time I can let up a bit, my mom wanted to take him to her room tonight so I can get some sleep, but the thought of waking up and him not being there is to much to take!

:hugs: It sounds like you're shifting into "mom mode" very nicely. I used to have dreams that I'd forget my daughter at home or she'd go missing and I couldn't find her. They're very natural dreams to have.
You've been through a lot, I don't blame you for being clingy. If I had handed my daughter over to someone and then changed my mind and got her back, I don't think I'd ever let her go.

Btw, there's a teen parenting section on here that you're more than welcome to pop into! It's always relieving to have other people in similar situations to talk to. I don't know what I'd do without my bnb girls.


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## Digby

I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".


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## moomin_troll

Digby said:


> I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".

i take it this is pointed at me seen as i said its the risk they take.

yes its the risk they take by wanting to adopt a newborn and making plans before the baby is born as ive heard stories like OP alot.

how dare u make out that i mean its their fault in anyway. my sister has infertility problems n id never wish that on anyone.


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## littlelinnies

moomin_troll said:


> Digby said:
> 
> 
> I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".
> 
> i take it this is pointed at me seen as i said its the risk they take.
> 
> yes its the risk they take by wanting to adopt a newborn and making plans before the baby is born as ive heard stories like OP alot.
> 
> how dare u make out that i mean its their fault in anyway. my sister has infertility problems n id never wish that on anyone.Click to expand...


yes i agree with you, i think that the adoptive parents shouldnt have been choosen before hand, when you see your baby its a totally different ball game, and i dont think which im sure doesnt happen in the uk or should happen if it does, you should have it all set up like that because theres always a chance when u hold your baby you wont want to give it away.


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## Redfraggle

moomin_troll said:


> Digby said:
> 
> 
> I'm glad OP got the baby back but do feel very sad for the adoptive parents. In the UK I think it's very rare for adoptive parents to be picked out before the birth (actually, I don't think the birth mother even has a say in who adopts the baby) so that avoids all of the hurt if the birth mother changes her mind - plus the "waste" of time as they would have been out of the system for X months. I don't think it's very fair to say "that's the risk they take" as that implies it's their fault they can't have children - their infertility has presumably forced them down this route: "ah well, that'll teach them for being infertile and trying to adopt a baby".
> 
> i take it this is pointed at me seen as i said its the risk they take.
> 
> yes its the risk they take by wanting to adopt a newborn and making plans before the baby is born as ive heard stories like OP alot.
> 
> how dare u make out that i mean its their fault in anyway. my sister has infertility problems n id never wish that on anyone.Click to expand...

I agree that it is sad for the adoptive parents but adoption is a risk. In the US and the UK. Here in the UK the birth parents have around 10 weeks to change their mind. Longer if the adoptive parents haven't applied for an adoptive order, but the child has to live with you for at least 10 weeks before you can apply for that order.

But any way of getting a child is a risk. There are risks in pregnancy that you might miscarry, have complications in childbirth etc. In adoption, whether it is set up before the child is born or arranged after there is always going to be a risk that the birth parents will change their mind. The adoptive parents will know that and will have gone through a lot of warnings that this might happen.

And to Lily34, congratulations! He is adorable and I think you've done the right thing. Good luck to you and your little boy. :hugs:


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## Ashley2189

Lily34 said:


> I had a talk with my mom to work out school and money, I have one year left of school, so we agreed I would go to a part time night school and that I'd have to get a part time job as well. She said that its going to be hard with school a baby and work, but she said she knows I can do it! So do I. She also said I can take 3-6 months to just be a mom before I would have to go to work/school.
> 
> So I get him back! He's sleeping right now, I have no baby things!! We bought a bassinet, diapers and things, but that's it right now, I can wait to get things for him!!
> It was a very hard day, I don't know how many times I told people that I was sure that this was what I wanted. I was stressed and worried and little scared, but the second I got to hold him everything want away, it was like nothing matter anymore as long as I had him.
> 
> I named him Shawn.
> https://i56.tinypic.com/1591g1.jpg

Congratulations sweetie! :hugs: you'll do great.


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## calm

It must be truly awful for the adoptive parents, but I am so glad OP got her baby back, if she had wanted her LO back and it wasn't possible it would have ruined her life, I have heard about many similar cases. Big hugs XXX


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## Lily34

Sorry I haven't replied in a while, I've been really tired. I've been trying to sleep when he sleeps but it seems like he only sleeps for an hour at a time!

I want to say thank you for all the support!

I was prepared for labor, but no one prepared me for how I was going to feel after! If I know how I would feel I would have *never* put him up for adoption. Now I think no one should do adoption until the baby is born because if you've never had a baby you can't imagine how it feels.

Still and always will be on :cloud9:


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## PrincessJenna

Congratuations I'm glad you got your lo back he's absolutely gorgeous x


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## louandivy

This thread made me a little teary eyed,I am so happy for you! Your son is absolutely beautiful, no wonder you instantly fell in love. Hope you will stick around on this site and give us updates!


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## x__amour

This made me tear up. I do feel for your adoptive parents but it does sound as if you've made the right decision. He is absolutely stunning and I'm happy things have worked out for you! And your mom sounds lovely helping you out and whatnot. I really hope you'll be able to go on with your life and dreams with your beautiful son by your side.

I saw you around in Teen Parenting so looking forward to getting to know you! Congrats again! :hugs:


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## pinkneon

Just so you know, you have 19weeks to change your mind. Technically you have until they make the adoption order to change your mind, but that's not usually until a baby is 19weeks old. I would advise you to get some counselling, and to work with the social worker taking care of him. They'll let you see him if you want him back so that you can buil up a bond together


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## pinkneon

Oh sorry, didn't read the whole thread before I posted! Congratulations on your gorgeous boy!


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## pinkneon

Stargazer77 said:


> Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))

Actually here they are not allowed to make an adoption order for at least 19 weeks. This is the time the parents get to choose whether to change their mind or not. And the parenting assessment is done if the child is removed, not if someone willingly gives their child up ...


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## Stargazer77

My initial impression from reading first post was that the adoption had already happened.....hence my response. I see that was not the case.


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## Amber3

Dear Lily
I notice that everyone here who answered you are mums themselves. I am the woman on the other side, so to speak. The infertile woman who after so many struggles and losses has begun the long adoption process and reading your story I feel so terrible for the people who have you son at this point. Of course he is your son. I believe he will have a good life with you as with them. I hope you will consider it carefully but at the same time fast because I think the longer the adoptive parents have him the more they will be attached to him and the greater they will feel the loss. 
I wish you all the best and congratulation on the amazing gift of life
Amber


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## stardust599

Congratulations hun, he's beautiful and you sound like a wonderful Mummy. I'm 21 so I'm young too, if you ever need anything PM me and I'll be here 

xxx


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## littlelinnies

Amber3 said:


> Dear Lily
> I notice that everyone here who answered you are mums themselves. I am the woman on the other side, so to speak. The infertile woman who after so many struggles and losses has begun the long adoption process and reading your story I feel so terrible for the people who have you son at this point. Of course he is your son. I believe he will have a good life with you as with them. I hope you will consider it carefully but at the same time fast because I think the longer the adoptive parents have him the more they will be attached to him and the greater they will feel the loss.
> I wish you all the best and congratulation on the amazing gift of life
> Amber

I dont think you've looked at the whole thread.. so i thought i'd just keep you in the loop:) she has already been and got her baby back, xx


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## Mabythistime

So happy it worked out for you. Your story really made me cry - sis on you! 

Your baby is so beautiful. I am so glad everything turned out so good for you. xxx It obviously was meant to be.


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## HeatherElisex

he is beautiful, and looks very happy to be with his mummy! Your mum sounds a great support and i hope everything works out for you in the future! xx


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## bes_

He's adorable. Congrats on getting him back. Sounds like you made the right decision. xx


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## carly_mummy2b

I'm really pleased you got your son back i hope you have a fantastic life together x x


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## SLH

Aw, Shawn is so cute! I'm considering adoption and wandered over here from the TTC section.

You made the right decision. It seems like you will have all of the support you need, and I know you will be a great mom!


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## bek74

I will start by saying I am glad you have your son back.
However I think how this was handled was wrong. First of all I don't think your mother should have encouraged you to seek out a couple to adopt your baby, I think she should have told you to wait till after the baby was born to see how you felt. Adoption shouldn't be an easy out, which it seem to be while u were pregnant but soon changed once you had him.
Could you imagine the heartbreak those adoptive parents feel? They have struggled with infertility for 7yrs and were then given the chance to finally be parents. They would have been filled with love and excitement, told family and friends, had their nursery all set up. Finally the day arrives and they are given a precious little boy, my gosh that moment would have been the best day of their lives and what they thought was their first day as a family.
Then days later he is taken from them, my lord I couldn't imagine their pain, not only struggling with infertility but to be given a child only to have it taken from them days later.
During the pregnancy you would have been asked a heap of times if you were sure this is what you wanted and you would have reassured them that it was, and longing for a child so badly they believed you :(.

I am not blaming you, for starters I think your mum should have encouraged you to wait till he was born, secondly adoptive parents shouldn't be chosen till after the 30 days has past, this way it could have avoided all this pain and heartache this couple must be feeling.

Congratulations on getting Shawn back, he is adorable. My heart still aches for the couple though, to be at home with a nursery all decorated but empty must be horrible. JMO


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## Fliss

This story made me tear up too - he's beautiful and I wish you all the best for the future.

Hopefully the other couple will have their baby soon too :hugs:


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## nikki2512

your story really bought tears to my eyes,congratulations on your beautiful little boy hun and all the best for the future to you both :hugs:


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## Cassie.

This thread has reduced me to tears.
I'm so happy for you that you got your baby back. I feel so bad for the adoptive parents, to have the baby whisked away from them like that when they thought their dreams had came true, but I'm sure they'll understand when the grief isn't so raw. I promise you you'd never have forgiven yourself if you hadn't gone back and got him. I'm sure you'll do a great job with your boy, especially as he's such a blessing to you now. 
Good luck and congratulations, you made the toughest decision anyone could have to make and I'm so, so proud of you.
:hugs:


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## SLH

bek74 said:


> I will start by saying I am glad you have your son back.
> However I think how this was handled was wrong. First of all I don't think your mother should have encouraged you to seek out a couple to adopt your baby, I think she should have told you to wait till after the baby was born to see how you felt. Adoption shouldn't be an easy out, which it seem to be while u were pregnant but soon changed once you had him.
> Could you imagine the heartbreak those adoptive parents feel? They have struggled with infertility for 7yrs and were then given the chance to finally be parents. They would have been filled with love and excitement, told family and friends, had their nursery all set up. Finally the day arrives and they are given a precious little boy, my gosh that moment would have been the best day of their lives and what they thought was their first day as a family.
> Then days later he is taken from them, my lord I couldn't imagine their pain, not only struggling with infertility but to be given a child only to have it taken from them days later.
> During the pregnancy you would have been asked a heap of times if you were sure this is what you wanted and you would have reassured them that it was, and longing for a child so badly they believed you :(.
> 
> I am not blaming you, for starters I think your mum should have encouraged you to wait till he was born, secondly adoptive parents shouldn't be chosen till after the 30 days has past, this way it could have avoided all this pain and heartache this couple must be feeling.
> 
> Congratulations on getting Shawn back, he is adorable. My heart still aches for the couple though, to be at home with a nursery all decorated but empty must be horrible. JMO

I didn't realize he was with the adoptive parents and they were trying for 7 years. That's very sad for them. I can't imagine what they are going through, but I also couldn't imagine what the birth mother went through as she saw her son being taken away. I agree, nothing should have been planned before he was born.


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## Lily34

I am so happy right now! 
I just got a email from the people that were going to adopt Shawn, I've been emailing them and sending picture. They are now in the process of adopting a 7 month old little girl that lost her parents. I feel now more then ever that this was meant to be!


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## Cassie.

Lily34 said:


> I am so happy right now!
> I just got a email from the people that were going to adopt Shawn, I've been emailing them and sending picture. They are now in the process of adopting a 7 month old little girl that lost her parents. I feel now more then ever that this was meant to be!

That's fantastic news, I'm so happy for them :flower:


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## bek74

Lily34 said:


> I am so happy right now!
> I just got a email from the people that were going to adopt Shawn, I've been emailing them and sending picture. They are now in the process of adopting a 7 month old little girl that lost her parents. I feel now more then ever that this was meant to be!

I hope it works out for them...


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## bek74

SLH..I didn't realize he was with the adoptive parents and they were trying for 7 years. That's very sad for them. I can't imagine what they are going through, but I also couldn't imagine what the birth mother went through as she saw her son being taken away. I agree, nothing should have been planned before he was born.......

Yes, however not holding her son and not taking the time to truly think about what she was doing and allowing her son to be taken was a Choice.
Unfortunately infertility isn't a choice, bring given a baby to love and nurture and then have it ripped from you isn't a choice, it would be an absolute nightmare.
Yes what this young girl went through is terrible but it was her choice and a lesson learnt, but at a price to a very desperate couple. 
I really feel the system failed both sides.


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## SLH

bek74 said:


> SLH..I didn't realize he was with the adoptive parents and they were trying for 7 years. That's very sad for them. I can't imagine what they are going through, but I also couldn't imagine what the birth mother went through as she saw her son being taken away. I agree, nothing should have been planned before he was born.......
> 
> Yes, however not holding her son and not taking the time to truly think about what she was doing and allowing her son to be taken was a Choice.
> Unfortunately infertility isn't a choice, bring given a baby to love and nurture and then have it ripped from you isn't a choice, it would be an absolute nightmare.
> Yes what this young girl went through is terrible but it was her choice and a lesson learnt, but at a price to a very desperate couple.
> I really feel the system failed both sides.

This is the very reason why I don't want to adopt. I think it may be the only option for me though, and it would be a very devastating thing to go through.


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## Fascination

Aw, I'm so happy for you! Your little boy is gorgeous btw :] x

I can totally appreciate how devestating it must've been for the adoptive parents but I don't think that could compare to the pain his birth mother would've experienced. I wanted my daughter from the moment I knew she was in my tummy and had 100% prepared for her arrival, yet nobody on this earth could've prepared me for how strongly I'd feel for her when she was born. I knew I'd love her but this was beyond anything I'd ever imagined and even now, it still amazes me that it's possible to love anyone this much! Point being, the system shouldn't expect the natural parents to be capable of making concrete descions prior to the birth because it's impossible to know how you'll feel afterwards. All it succeeded in doing in this case is causing a lot of upset for both parties which could've been avoided if they bothered to acknowledge this.


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## SuperKat

Congrats on your beautiful baby!!!

You did the right thing, don't let others make you feel bad for it. :hugs:

My niece is adopted, it was a long process, and my brother and sister in law were there in the hospital the day she was born...we all were aware that the birth parents had some time to change their minds and that the adoption wouldn't be finalized for a while...and while my brother and sister in law were beyond excited for their new baby they knew that they could still lose her. yes, they had a nursery decorated, and a baby shower when they were told that they had been chosen and all of that...but they also knew that there was no 100% guarantee that they wouldn't definitely be keeping her until that time frame was up. The birth parents were completely positive about the adoption, and things did work out for them- and my niece is now 3...I can tell you that the last thing my brother and sister in law would have wanted was to keep a baby from a parent that had regretted giving him/her up in the first place. (I honestly can't imagine what kind of person would feel okay about that?)

It definitely sounds like things have worked out the way they were meant to!!! Enjoy that beautiful baby of yours, boys are a lot of fun ;)


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## young_n_proud

SuperKat said:


> Congrats on your beautiful baby!!!
> 
> You did the right thing, don't let others make you feel bad for it. :hugs:
> 
> My niece is adopted, it was a long process, and my brother and sister in law were there in the hospital the day she was born...we all were aware that the birth parents had some time to change their minds and that the adoption wouldn't be finalized for a while...and while my brother and sister in law were beyond excited for their new baby they knew that they could still lose her. yes, they had a nursery decorated, and a baby shower when they were told that they had been chosen and all of that...but they also knew that there was no 100% guarantee that they wouldn't definitely be keeping her until that time frame was up. The birth parents were completely positive about the adoption, and things did work out for them- and my niece is now 3...I can tell you that the last thing my brother and sister in law would have wanted was to keep a baby from a parent that had regretted giving him/her up in the first place. (I honestly can't imagine what kind of person would feel okay about that?)
> 
> I definitely sounds like things have worked out the way they were meant to!!! Enjoy that beautiful baby of yours, boys are a lot of fun ;)

I 100% agree with this. A lot of people are saying how badly they feel that a baby they thought they were getting was ripped away from them. Though I understand that they probably felt a great deal of dissappointment and heartache, it will only be a temporary thing-especially since by the sounds of it they jumped right back on the bandwagon and started the process again to get a little girl. Whereas giving up a baby that you concieved and gave birth to will live with and haunt you for the rest of your life. If you give up your baby you will think of it everyday and probably live to regret it. Whereas the possible adoptive parents will get another child that they probably deserve so much but will not look back and say-"Darn it, the one thing I would change would be to get the other baby."

On another note-I have read the thread and i am so happy that you got your baby back, it is true that I am a mother myself but that only means that I can vouch for the undescribable most intense deep deep love you have for your child. There is nothing like it and no matter how much you try and describe it to someone they will never fully understand it unless they go through it themselves


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## Raincloud

I'm glad everything worked out for you- although I know it must have been hard for the adoptive parents. I think this is best for everyone. 

For you, there will never be 'another baby'. This is your son, he will always be the baby you carried. To you, he is _the_ baby. To the potential adoptive parents, while I'm sure they love him, he is _a_ baby. 

You and your son need each other, you love each other. The baby girl, who has lost her parents, needs this wonderful couple to give her the home she deserves.


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## louandivy

young_n_proud said:


> SuperKat said:
> 
> 
> Congrats on your beautiful baby!!!
> 
> You did the right thing, don't let others make you feel bad for it. :hugs:
> 
> My niece is adopted, it was a long process, and my brother and sister in law were there in the hospital the day she was born...we all were aware that the birth parents had some time to change their minds and that the adoption wouldn't be finalized for a while...and while my brother and sister in law were beyond excited for their new baby they knew that they could still lose her. yes, they had a nursery decorated, and a baby shower when they were told that they had been chosen and all of that...but they also knew that there was no 100% guarantee that they wouldn't definitely be keeping her until that time frame was up. The birth parents were completely positive about the adoption, and things did work out for them- and my niece is now 3...I can tell you that the last thing my brother and sister in law would have wanted was to keep a baby from a parent that had regretted giving him/her up in the first place. (I honestly can't imagine what kind of person would feel okay about that?)
> 
> I definitely sounds like things have worked out the way they were meant to!!! Enjoy that beautiful baby of yours, boys are a lot of fun ;)
> 
> I 100% agree with this. A lot of people are saying how badly they feel that a baby they thought they were getting was ripped away from them. Though I understand that they probably felt a great deal of dissappointment and heartache, it will only be a temporary thing-especially since by the sounds of it they jumped right back on the bandwagon and started the process again to get a little girl. Whereas giving up a baby that you concieved and gave birth to will live with and haunt you for the rest of your life. If you give up your baby you will think of it everyday and probably live to regret it. Whereas the possible adoptive parents will get another child that they probably deserve so much but will not look back and say-"Darn it, the one thing I would change would be to get the other baby."
> 
> On another note-I have read the thread and i am so happy that you got your baby back, it is true that I am a mother myself but that only means that I can vouch for the undescribable most intense deep deep love you have for your child. There is nothing like it and no matter how much you try and describe it to someone they will never fully understand it unless they go through it themselvesClick to expand...

Totally agree! I am so glad you got your baby back, don't let anyone make you feel bad for that. You are going to be an amazing mum :hugs:


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## nikki2512

young_n_proud said:


> SuperKat said:
> 
> 
> Congrats on your beautiful baby!!!
> 
> You did the right thing, don't let others make you feel bad for it. :hugs:
> 
> My niece is adopted, it was a long process, and my brother and sister in law were there in the hospital the day she was born...we all were aware that the birth parents had some time to change their minds and that the adoption wouldn't be finalized for a while...and while my brother and sister in law were beyond excited for their new baby they knew that they could still lose her. yes, they had a nursery decorated, and a baby shower when they were told that they had been chosen and all of that...but they also knew that there was no 100% guarantee that they wouldn't definitely be keeping her until that time frame was up. The birth parents were completely positive about the adoption, and things did work out for them- and my niece is now 3...I can tell you that the last thing my brother and sister in law would have wanted was to keep a baby from a parent that had regretted giving him/her up in the first place. (I honestly can't imagine what kind of person would feel okay about that?)
> 
> I definitely sounds like things have worked out the way they were meant to!!! Enjoy that beautiful baby of yours, boys are a lot of fun ;)
> 
> I 100% agree with this. A lot of people are saying how badly they feel that a baby they thought they were getting was ripped away from them. Though I understand that they probably felt a great deal of dissappointment and heartache, it will only be a temporary thing-especially since by the sounds of it they jumped right back on the bandwagon and started the process again to get a little girl. Whereas giving up a baby that you concieved and gave birth to will live with and haunt you for the rest of your life. If you give up your baby you will think of it everyday and probably live to regret it. Whereas the possible adoptive parents will get another child that they probably deserve so much but will not look back and say-"Darn it, the one thing I would change would be to get the other baby."
> 
> On another note-I have read the thread and i am so happy that you got your baby back, it is true that I am a mother myself but that only means that I can vouch for the undescribable most intense deep deep love you have for your child. There is nothing like it and no matter how much you try and describe it to someone they will never fully understand it unless they go through it themselvesClick to expand...

absolutely agree with everything you have both said:thumbup:
you and your gorgeous little boy have each other and by the sounds of it,the adoptive parents have a little girl who needs them alot more than your little boy ever did,enjoy your little boy and best of luck to you both:)


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## carly_mummy2b

Hey, how are you and that gorgeous boy of yours getting on? x


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## QuintinsMommy

so happy you got your baby back! 
congrats:hugs:


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## Maybe1daysoon

WOW that is fantastic!!!! I am so very happy for you. I like a previous poster am so proud of you. I think you had the ultimate reality check and will be an even better mommy because of it.


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## TaylorsMummyx

How's baby and mummy doing x


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## JASMAK

Glad to hear you got your baby back. Reading your first post was heart-wrenching. It did not sound like this is what you really wanted. My mom had my brother when she was 15, and us (my sister and I - we are twins) at 17. She was/is a good mom, although things were hard for her. She was not alone though, she had my dad...they were together until he died when I was 12. Bug hugs to you. And CONGRATULATIONS. x x


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## AirForceWife7

Omg hun .. this thread has torn me to pieces .. so happy you got him back :hugs:

Keep being the best mom you can, you can do it! :flow:


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## GypsyDancer

Stargazer77 said:


> Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))

Really?
Im in uk and i had a friend who fell pregnant..she decided throughout her pregnancy she would put it up for adoption..even though her mum as far as i know was really supportive and wanted her to keeep it..anyway..she gave birth to him..they took him away..then after a day or two she realised she'd made the biggest mistake..she got him back thankfully!

OP..i think her little boy is about 3 now and from what ive seen on facebook ect..shes absolutely in love with him..

Glad you got your little boy back, Im sure you know it will be hard at times..but they make up for it so much with all the joy and love they give you.:hugs:


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## Annie77

GypsyDancer said:


> Stargazer77 said:
> 
> 
> Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))
> 
> Really?
> Im in uk and i had a friend who fell pregnant..she decided throughout her pregnancy she would put it up for adoption..even though her mum as far as i know was really supportive and wanted her to keeep it..anyway..she gave birth to him..they took him away..then after a day or two she realised she'd made the biggest mistake..she got him back thankfully!
> 
> OP..i think her little boy is about 3 now and from what ive seen on facebook ect..shes absolutely in love with him..
> 
> Glad you got your little boy back, Im sure you know it will be hard at times..but they make up for it so much with all the joy and love they give you.:hugs:Click to expand...

In the UK, unless your baby was removed from you with a court order and you do not contest then adoption is not legal for about 6 months. Most babies given up at birth go to stay with foster carers until legalities are passed & only then will the baby go to adoptive parents


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## blondey

Annie77 said:


> GypsyDancer said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Stargazer77 said:
> 
> 
> Wow. This would not happen in the UK. Adoption is a major piece of family law and not reversible. Once a child is adopted its done, for life. You don't get a month to change your mind and the adoption social workers would be highly unlikely to just return a prospective adoptee to mum without huge parenting assessments.
> 
> Hope it works out for you and LO ((((hugs))))
> 
> Really?
> Im in uk and i had a friend who fell pregnant..she decided throughout her pregnancy she would put it up for adoption..even though her mum as far as i know was really supportive and wanted her to keeep it..anyway..she gave birth to him..they took him away..then after a day or two she realised she'd made the biggest mistake..she got him back thankfully!
> 
> OP..i think her little boy is about 3 now and from what ive seen on facebook ect..shes absolutely in love with him..
> 
> Glad you got your little boy back, Im sure you know it will be hard at times..but they make up for it so much with all the joy and love they give you.:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> In the UK, unless your baby was removed from you with a court order and you do not contest then adoption is not legal for about 6 months. * Most babies given up at birth go to stay with foster carers until legalities are passed & only then will the baby go to adoptive parents*Click to expand...

Not sure if that's a newer thing or not, but I was adopted and my parents took me home from the hospital a few days after I was born.

Glad everything worked out :)


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