# Painful internal exam... and scared of another



## grey_pony

I was having contractions from 7pm last night and they went from 10 min apart to 4-6 min apart (although I was pretty much pain free). They continued through the night, and L&D told me to come in around 8 am to check me out. 

The first nurse that checked me didn't hurt too bad, but couldn't find my cervix. She sent in another nurse, who rammed her hand up there very forcefully. It hurt like hell. She was not impolite, but I felt so violated. I was in pain the whole time.

She said my cervix is posterior, soft, thick, and 1cm dilated. I am just wondering - if it was so posterior that she had to be so rough to "find" my cervix, was it really necessary to have the 2nd nurse do an exam? Or should it just be obvious that my cervix is nowhere near ready?

I have a regular appt tomorrow, and am so worried the doc will want to do another exam. I came home crying and crying, feeling like such a wuss about the exam. How will I handle a med free labor like I am planning? 

I am also tired of everyone asking how dilated I am. I actually snapped at a family member today and said my vagina was none of their business! I feel like I am just the vessel carrying the baby, and nobody cares about me or my dignity, only caring about when the baby is going to come out (even though I know they are just excited and curious). That exam really scared me. I feel so out of control, like I am no longer in charge of my body, and the nurses and doctors will do whatever painful procedure to me and tell me the pain is just normal. 

I am afraid if the doctor tries to pressure me into an exam tomorrow, or asks me why I don't want one, I will cry. Can any of you relate? I feel stupid for feeling violated, she was just incredibly rough, and only really warned me that it would be "uncomfortable." :(


----------



## LorelaiLana

I gave birth after induction with 4 pessaries only on thursday. I also have a very tight vag area and each examination and pessary inseration was agony. The first one was done by a thin MW so it was tolerable. But the second one was torture and so stopped in the middle and she was kind enough to get my Gas and Air and the remaining 3 pessaries and internal examination was done with Gas and Air. It hurts but it takes the edge of the pain and makes the internals tolerable. I was posterior, firm and with a score 4 for all 4 pessaries and only after the 6 hrs after the last one I went pretty fast...

I totally relate to you, but not sure how it can be helped in a clinic if not in a hospital. Good Luck. 

I know its a cliche at the moment but when holding your baby after things settle down it will all seem like a distant memory.


----------



## grey_pony

Yeah, I know this will all go so fast. I can't wait to meet our little one. I will just explain my concerns to the doctor today. Thanks.


----------



## lynnikins

get on a birthing ball and dont sit back or lie back hun your cervix was posterior which would indicate that babys head is sitting down low and in front of your cervix making it hard to reach and also making it hard for baby to pressure it to dilate. i was like this with ds2 it wasnt till i spent ages sat on edge of the bed leaning forward and on the birthing ball that his head moved to a better position and allowed my labour to take off and progress nicely


----------



## grey_pony

How long is ages sitting forward or on the ball.... hours? I had a miserable time at the dr today. I was so nervous about the exam from the day before, and that they would examine me again, that my blood pressure shot up. The nurse midwife said I had to be examined, which made me start crying. My b/p was 140/90, so they immediately started talking induction, even though I begged her to take my b/p again and was sure it was just my nerves that made it high. She said if I had a seizure or other complications from high b/p and then I sued them, or had a dead baby, what then? It was not exactly the nicest thing to say to me when I was already blubbering about the cervical check. I went up to L&D and had a non-stress test, and also b/p checked every 5 minutes. Baby was fine and my b/p was normal again. Then the monitor started picking up my heart rate (60s) instead of the baby's, and to make sure it wasn't the baby they left me on there extra long, and finally "allowed" me to go home. I have to go back in 2 days for another NST. They had said even though my b/p and baby's heart rate and activity were very good, that her HR dropped more than they liked after she was active (even though it was still within normal range). They said maybe my placenta is worn out. At the grand age of 40w 3 days (if that is even correct... online calculators, and my cycle length tell me I am 40w 1 day, but whatever). I am not sure if that is likely or not. I am not sure if baby's HR was normal the entire time, is there really anything to worry about? I feel like they are going to pressure me, or make up some reason why I need to be induced. My mom was there. If my husband had been there and they start pulling that "dead baby" lecture, I will really have no choice but to be induced - I am just not knowledgeable enough or strong enough to argue with a doctor. Then I had to go make an appointment for a regular checkup next week (41w 3 days). The receptionist was shocked and said they don't let people go past 41 weeks and why had I not scheduled an induction. I am fairly sure one of my nurse midwives had told me that they would start talking induction if I don't deliver by 41 weeks (meaning I think they will let me go to 42 weeks) if all is well. I am just hoping they don't make up some reason on Thursday, why I need to be induced if we both still seem healthy at that point. When they start pressuring me that my baby won't be born healthy, I am just not in a position to argue because I don't know if they are being honest, or if they are just trying to get me to go along with their plans. I am pretty scared right now.


----------



## paperz

Oh my goodness! Poor you :( I know it's very late in the game, but do you by any chance know a doula in your area? It can be great to have a doula with you in the room to help get your thoughts and needs across to the doctor, and also to give you the strength to stand up for yourself with someone who knows what they're talking about there to back you up!


----------



## ccg01

On Monday (36 weeks) i had an appointment,not with my regular doctor because she wasn't gonna be there and the doctor was checking to see if i dilated..it was really painful the whole time and i couldn't take it and was even like holding my breath..i told her it hurt and she said i was 1cm dilated...and that if i had any bleeding after or later that day its normal which i knew it's not that normal...well i have another appointment with my regular doctor on monday and i turned 37 weeks this thursday i'm kind of scared to get hurt again too..but make sure you let them know when you fel uncomfortable because i know i will...well good luck


----------



## Haydens_mummy

My internal exams where so painful too! I refused to have one towards the end as it made me cry! I had 3 internals before they classed me as established labour and let me have G&A but as soon as I had that G&A they stopped hurting so much and I just let them get on with it x


----------



## Samantha675

I remember that the internal exams I had when I was in labor with my son hurt way more than the contractions did.


----------



## babyblog

I remember my exams being painful too, it sucks doesn't it ;( I hope bubs decides to come along soon-a friend is a paramedic and she was very against having an induction.Int he end she went 19 days over but had to fight the medics evryday as they said seh was putting her baby at risk each day she refused an induction. She just said bubs will come when she's rrady whcih she did-but she had to go to the hosp everyday in the last week to check on bubs conditions. Good luck x


----------



## babyblog

p.s-i think it is very normal to get fed up with people asking questions when you are at the end of your pregnancy!


----------



## NuKe

I can totally relate. I got a sweep with poppy and it hurt soooooooooooo much, the doctor didnt even tell me she was going to do it. It has really freaked me out over internals now, wen i was in labour the mw tried to examine me and i scooted up the bed to get away, i was so embarrassed. u dont need to get one if u dont want to hun.


----------



## GemmaLeanne

i had painful internals during labour, the first two i screamed through, i think they are painful during labour, but if you dont plan on having an epidural then id just mention to the midwifes you dont want an internal (after the initial one they do) untill they deem it necessary
its all worth it in the end :hugs:


----------

