# Surrogate Mothers & Hopefuls: What made you decide?



## Croc-O-Dile

Whether you are a surrogate mother or you plan to be one, at some point you made a conscious and selfless decision that this is something you wanted to look into (and then pursue). It could be because of a book that mentioned it, a movie, a personal experience, etc.
I thought it would be nice for everyone to share their story as to why they chose or plan to be a surrogate. :thumbup:

For me, it was when my aunt, who I'm very close with, was going through a lot of testing because of abnormal cells found on a PAP. The doctor she was seeing was very rude and only in it for the money. After a long battle with them she switched doctors and there was a chance that because of the testing they screwed up on she might not be able to have children. I felt terrible, as she has always wanted children. So that's when I decided I was going to one day be a Gestational Surrogate.
Luckily everything turned out fine with her and she can have her own children. But it did make me realize that this was something I really wanted to do one day, after I'm done having my own children.

Now, I'm obviously not a surrogate mother at the moment, so I probably have no business posting here. But, I still think this would be a nice thread to help all of you get to know one another. :flower:


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## Cariad_bach

I plan to be one,
I looked into it a while ago and was getting to grips with the legal side of it but fell pregnant with Jamie,
Now he's nearly 1 im back to looking into doing it again,

Im hoping to become a Gestational Surrogate but would coincided being a Traditional Surrogate altho i think mentally it will be alot harder to handle.

I love being pregnant, i fall easily and carry it well, i don't get ill or anything .. my heart brakes for ladies not so lucky, it seems so unfair.

I just want to help, id already discussed it with my kids and they all knew i was planing on letting some other ladies baby borrow my tummy to grow in because not everyone's tummy can grow a baby very well.

Its a journey im looking forwards to going on ... i think i will have to get all the blood tests re-done again as its 18 - 24 months since i first had them done.




What you were going to do for your Aunt was a wonderful thing hun :hugs: you will make a great surrogate for someone im sure xxxxx


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## pinkmummy

I am hoping to become a surrogate eventually.

I started going through surrogacy last year and even got the opportunity to meet a very lovely couple but due to OH and I planning to get married this September and my parents being dead set against it, it has been put on hold.

Obviously I know how hard it will be for myself and OH and the kids mentally which is why I think it is a good idea for us to wait for a few more years until the kids are a little older and can understand better.


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## AppleBlossom

I want to be a surrogate for my auntie and uncle. They're both in their 30's and the loveliest people you will ever meet but the world is against them in so many different ways. My auntie had type 1 diabetes and has problems with her eyesight and her feet etc. My uncle was diagnosed with skin cancer a couple of years ago which thankfully he got the all clear from. Bu he recently had to be tested for it again but it was negative. But the main thing is, they have been TTC for so long and got nowhere. My auntie DID get pregnant a few years ago but miscarried at around 3 months. They have always been there for me, they are so good with kids and are Grace's godparents. I have always thought that after all they have done for me the one thing I could give them was a child. I don't think it would be weird, I don't particularly want anymore children of my own. So in a few years, if they have had no luck, I am going to ask them if they want me to be a surrogate. I think it's the most amazing thing you can do for someone, give them a life. But obviously there are obstacles you would need to think through properly first


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## lozzy21

I want to be a surrogate when im finished having my children. I dont know why, its just something iv allways wanted to do.


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## bubbles

I plan on being a surrogate when I am done for definate having my own children. I would have done it earlier but my husband was a bit sceptical as anything could go wrong which may end up in me not being able to have anymore children and he wanted us to be happy with our family before helping someone else with theirs. I don't know what made me decide I wanted to do it it was just something I knew I could do to help another couple have a family, I love being pregnant and as selfish as it may sound I would love to know that my body was able to bring so much love and happiness to another couple and make them a family


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## mandaa1220

I'm very interested in being a surrogate one day as well... I think it's an amazing gift that you can give someone. This is all assuming I am able to get pregnant - since I haven't TTC yet. I look forward to reading responses throughout this section and hearing other stories. :thumbup:


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## fordy

i currently am a surrogate mother (traditional) for my little sister....what made my and my oh decided this is because she is a perfect aunty for our kids she helped me raise my three older children and is the god mother to my youngest, ( i have 4) and she cant have babies herself due to elispy (spell?) and also because she is gay she has found it hard to find a sperm donor and the aussie government forbiddens gays from adopting which sucks.. so here we are pregnant with her baby lol


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## dontworry

I've always wanted to be a surrogate mother. 
My biggest fear in life is not being able to have children - pregnancy and childbirth has always been so fascinating to me, and to not be able to experience that must be devastating. I'm "just a kid" right now, but I would love to give the gift of life to someone who isn't able to experience it first hand. I don't know when or where I'll be in five, ten, twenty years, but surrogacy is something I'm very interested in. :)


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## Charlotteee

I think i want to be a surrogate when i've finished having my children.

I mentioned this to my OH and he was a bit against it but having seen me lose a child, he understands why i would want to help other women who can't carry a child.

I dont even know myself if i can carry a child yet. I have only ever been pregnant once and lost it. So only time will tell. But i would love to be a surrogate xx


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## Cariad_bach

fordy said:


> i currently am a surrogate mother (traditional) for my little sister....what made my and my oh decided this is because she is a perfect aunty for our kids she helped me raise my three older children and is the god mother to my youngest, ( i have 4) and she cant have babies herself due to elispy (spell?) and also because she is gay she has found it hard to find a sperm donor and the aussie government forbiddens gays from adopting which sucks.. so here we are pregnant with her baby lol



Wow thats a really amazing thing your doing for your sister hun :hugs:

With the legal situation preventing her from adopting what will you do legally with her baby ... do you sign over parental responsibility to her?

I hate the law sometimes,

Here apparently you cant advertise that you need a surrogate,
You cant advertise yourself as a surrogate for someone either.

I know its to protect people but it makes it hard to meat people who need your help or who can help.

There are alot of agencies who will help you meat couples .. but all tho its free for potential surrogates to join couples needing a surrogate have to pay a large fee ... its like only the rich can become parents :(

The 1 good law we have tho is that in the UK you cant profit from being a surrogate mum ... you can claim expenses but if the judge asks for your financial records and suspects you have charged a 'fee' he can refuse to sign the paperwork which is great IMO because i think the idea of woman charging a large fee to be a surrogate is soo unfair :(


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## Croc-O-Dile

Cariad_bach said:


> fordy said:
> 
> 
> i currently am a surrogate mother (traditional) for my little sister....what made my and my oh decided this is because she is a perfect aunty for our kids she helped me raise my three older children and is the god mother to my youngest, ( i have 4) and she cant have babies herself due to elispy (spell?) and also because she is gay she has found it hard to find a sperm donor and the aussie government forbiddens gays from adopting which sucks.. so here we are pregnant with her baby lol
> 
> 
> 
> Wow thats a really amazing thing your doing for your sister hun :hugs:
> 
> With the legal situation preventing her from adopting what will you do legally with her baby ... do you sign over parental responsibility to her?
> 
> I hate the law sometimes,
> 
> Here apparently you cant advertise that you need a surrogate,
> You cant advertise yourself as a surrogate for someone either.
> 
> I know its to protect people but it makes it hard to meat people who need your help or who can help.
> 
> There are alot of agencies who will help you meat couples .. but all tho its free for potential surrogates to join couples needing a surrogate have to pay a large fee ... its like only the rich can become parents :(
> 
> The 1 good law we have tho is that in the UK you cant profit from being a surrogate mum ... you can claim expenses but if the judge asks for your financial records and suspects you have charged a 'fee' he can refuse to sign the paperwork which is great IMO because *i think the idea of woman charging a large fee to be a surrogate is soo unfair* :(Click to expand...

I agree! Although I do feel that if you're a GS then it would only be fair for the couple to pay a portion of the cost of your IVF. (Assuming your insurance doesn't cover it) But I agree, making personal profit off of being a surrogate is quite unfair.


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## Cariad_bach

Croc-O-Dile said:


> Cariad_bach said:
> 
> 
> The 1 good law we have tho is that in the UK you cant profit from being a surrogate mum ... you can claim expenses but if the judge asks for your financial records and suspects you have charged a 'fee' he can refuse to sign the paperwork which is great IMO because *i think the idea of woman charging a large fee to be a surrogate is soo unfair* :(
> 
> I agree! Although I do feel that if you're a GS then it would only be fair for the couple to pay a portion of the cost of your IVF. (Assuming your insurance doesn't cover it) But I agree, making personal profit off of being a surrogate is quite unfair.Click to expand...

Yer thats one of the things that puts me off being a GS,
It would involve loads of traveling because i live 150 odd miles from the nearest hospital that will implant the eggs etc so the expenses would be quite high for traveling and possible over night accommodation :(
My OH has issues with the idea of me being a TS tho!


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## HannahGraceee

i would love love love to be a surrogate! not only because i love being pregnant, but i look at my little girl and think of all the people being same sex couples or people that just cant have them for medical reasons and anything inbetween and it breaks my heart :( 

when i tell people i want to do it, they call me stupid! :(


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## winegums

i would love to do this some day! i adore being pregnant it's the best bit about having children! haha! no but seriously.. one of my best friends is a lesbian and i have had many gay friends also lived with my mum from when i was little she was ttc till i was a teenager and the only way she could get a surragat was to pay a lot of money that she didn't have :( she couldn't cope with things and became depressed, addicted to alcohol and anorexic .... she then got ataxia from alcohol abuse and not eating and now is in a wheel chair!! so i know that's quite drastic BUT people do not realise what TTC does to some people it is such a stressful frustrating upsetting thing sometimes and i would just love to help people and give them a little baby that they want so much! it's not fair some of us get pregnant easily (not me lol but still) and have easily uncomplicated pregnancies (me lol) whilst others can't!!!

i have talked to OH about it a few times at first he thought i was mad and was like no way you're doing that, but he is quite a ... what's the word... selfish? person. i love him but as long as he is ok and me and our son he never goes out of his way to help others :( anyway i told him it doesn't matter what he says when we have finished having children and our family is complete i am definately doing this for someone

xxx


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## Jemma_x

Id love to be a surrogate but i doubt id be able to because of my health and ive had really bad pregnancies which made my health worse.


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## xMissxZoiex

I would also like a surrogate after i have done having my own children, i have been pregnant twice and lost both times so i dont know if my body can carry a sucessful pregnancy yet either but knowing the heart ache no being able to get pregnant is i would love to make a lovely couple happy :) x


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## Akira

I have offered to be a surrogate for my sister if she continutes having problems TTC. 

I would prefer to be a GS, however if that is not possible I am happy to be a TS.

There was never any question of it for me, because I know she will make a fantastic Mummy and also I know she wouldn't hesitate to do it for me if the tables were turned.

I would never charge her for being a surrogate, its my choice, my gift to her. The only thing I would ask if that there is a cost involved (like IVF) then she pay that. I would never do it to make money, IMO thats just wrong


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## special_kala

I would like to be a surrogate in a few years. My pregnancy with River went well and and I enjoy being pregnant. It must be amazing to be able to give someone a child.


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## Blob

I'd looked into doing this after we're finished having children...however my OH is quite against it just now as he sees it that i'm risking my life when i have children? My only other thing is that i get awful awful MS so thats pretty rubbish. Its the most amazing thing you can ever do for someone and i would very much do it for friends and family, however only time will tell.


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## MoonMuffin

I've always want to be a surrogate, now that I'm done having my kids I plan on losing weight and when my SIL is ready I'll be carrying her baby (she can't have kids, I forget why though). I had easy pregnancies except for some back and hip pain with john which is why I want to lose a good amount of weight beforehand, and I would like a couple years of not being pg before as well (my kids are only 15months apart in age). I also conceived very easily (missed one pill, and no idea how I fell pg with John, we were using condoms and none of them broke :lol:.) and I've not had any complications (well I had a failed induction with my first but I don't count that as a pregnancy complication, more of a delivery one), I've fallen down stairs and been in a car accident and my kids were fine (I took all the damage, :lol:) I want to do it again after I do it for my SIL too if I'm allowed another c-section afterwards. Making someone a parents is such an amazing thing, everyone deserves to feel the indescribable joy of being a parent.


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## tasha41

I only want 2 children but love to be pregnant... I would love to be able to help another family have a child, they are one of, if not the best, gifts life has to offer :flower:

Preferably for someone I know, but if I got to know a couple well enough I probably would.


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## Cariad_bach

tasha41 said:


> I only want 2 children but love to be pregnant... I would love to be able to help another family have a child, they are one of, if not the best, gifts life has to offer :flower:
> 
> *Preferably for someone I know, but if I got to know a couple well enough I probably would*.


I dont know anyone who would need a surrogate so far in my life so its never come up but i thing i would find it easier doing it for a couple i dont know well and have know history with.

Obviously id have to get to know them and get along with them and build up a huge level of trust,

Id just worry with people i know that there may be to many things to go wrong, mutual friends and family members interfering and causing arguments would be a major concern for me.


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## Tammi_999

Hi all,

just wondering if anyone has ever used a distant (non-related/friend) surrogate through an agency or other means and is willing to share their experiences?

thank you


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## Tammi_999

just found this webiste highlighting surrogacy issues if anyone is interested

https://www.gambleandghevaert.com/page/surogacy/22/


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## morri

In Germany it is prohibited by law by the way. since 1991. (Or rather It is forbidden for doctors to take any measures that lead to surrogacy and it prohibited to act as an agent for surrogacy mothers. 
I think it is very interesting to see the different laws of countries world wide.


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## JustJack

Hi, i have been a surrogate three times and i am hoping to do it again in the near future. For anyone that is interested in surrogacy, the best advice i can give is to read, read and read some more there is lots of information around and if in doubt ask questions, Surrogacy should not be entered into lightly by intended parents or by potential surrogates. The two main organisations in the UK are Surrogacy UK and Cots. Feel free to ask me any questions and i will do my best to answer them.


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## JellyBeann

I am thinking of being a surrogate when I'm done having children! I think it's because of the friends episode where Phoebe has kids for her brother...but I've not looked into it properly yet, but, yes, definately something I want to do in the future!!


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## Cariad_bach

JustJack said:


> Hi, i have been a surrogate three times and i am hoping to do it again in the near future. For anyone that is interested in surrogacy, the best advice i can give is to read, read and read some more there is lots of information around and if in doubt ask questions, Surrogacy should not be entered into lightly by intended parents or by potential surrogates. The two main organisations in the UK are Surrogacy UK and Cots. Feel free to ask me any questions and i will do my best to answer them.


Hi hun, ive been members of both those organisations and they both seemed great, it was people there who convinced me i should finish my family first ... now Jamies nearly 1 i will be going back to them.

Were you a GS or a TS? for people you know or did you meet a couple of one of those websites?

One thing i found really difficult about those websites is couples cant ask you to be a surrogate ... which meant every couple i 'chatted' online to i was so scared to talk to them in case just by chatting i was getting their hopes up in some way, i couldn't see how to ask people things without all the hidden messages and reading between the lines that i was worried might be going on.

I hated the feeling that couples might feel i was judging them every time i casually asked something ... i really want to help a couple somewhere but the initial staring to meet people seems so hard ..

..so i guess i was just wondering what you did hun :flower: :hugs:


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## JustJack

> Hi hun, ive been members of both those organisations and they both seemed great, it was people there who convinced me i should finish my family first ... now Jamies nearly 1 i will be going back to them.
> 
> Were you a GS or a TS? for people you know or did you meet a couple of one of those websites?
> 
> One thing i found really difficult about those websites is couples cant ask you to be a surrogate ... which meant every couple i 'chatted' online to i was so scared to talk to them in case just by chatting i was getting their hopes up in some way, i couldn't see how to ask people things without all the hidden messages and reading between the lines that i was worried might be going on.
> 
> I hated the feeling that couples might feel i was judging them every time i casually asked something ... i really want to help a couple somewhere but the initial staring to meet people seems so hard ..
> 
> ..so i guess i was just wondering what you did hun

I was a TS, all three times :). I met one couple through COTS, the other through Surrogacy UK. 
When chatting to couples you just have to treat it like getting to know new friends, the majority of ip's are very well aware of how things work and tend not to get too over excited if just 'chatting' to someone, again there is the whole etiquitte thing that the ip's dont ask someone to be a surrogate for them they wait to be asked if that makes sense? and again the majority of ips know that this is how it works. Hope this helps, let me know if there is anything else.


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## faye38

fordy said:


> i currently am a surrogate mother (traditional) for my little sister....what made my and my oh decided this is because she is a perfect aunty for our kids she helped me raise my three older children and is the god mother to my youngest, ( i have 4) and she cant have babies herself due to elispy (spell?) and also because she is gay she has found it hard to find a sperm donor and the aussie government forbiddens gays from adopting which sucks.. so here we are pregnant with her baby lol

what an amazing sister you are you must love you sister very much its so nice to have that xx


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## fordy

Cariad_bach said:


> fordy said:
> 
> 
> i currently am a surrogate mother (traditional) for my little sister....what made my and my oh decided this is because she is a perfect aunty for our kids she helped me raise my three older children and is the god mother to my youngest, ( i have 4) and she cant have babies herself due to elispy (spell?) and also because she is gay she has found it hard to find a sperm donor and the aussie government forbiddens gays from adopting which sucks.. so here we are pregnant with her baby lol
> 
> 
> 
> Wow thats a really amazing thing your doing for your sister hun :hugs:
> 
> With the legal situation preventing her from adopting what will you do legally with her baby ... do you sign over parental responsibility to her?
> 
> I hate the law sometimes,
> 
> Here apparently you cant advertise that you need a surrogate,
> You cant advertise yourself as a surrogate for someone either.
> 
> I know its to protect people but it makes it hard to meat people who need your help or who can help.
> 
> There are alot of agencies who will help you meat couples .. but all tho its free for potential surrogates to join couples needing a surrogate have to pay a large fee ... its like only the rich can become parents :(
> 
> The 1 good law we have tho is that in the UK you cant profit from being a surrogate mum ... you can claim expenses but if the judge asks for your financial records and suspects you have charged a 'fee' he can refuse to sign the paperwork which is great IMO because i think the idea of woman charging a large fee to be a surrogate is soo unfair :(Click to expand...

well because shes gay, she can only get guardianship... i agree the law sucks!!


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## DottyLottie

I would love to be a surrogae mama. I do not know the correct description, but I would be happy to lend my womb to someone elses baby but not sure I could give away my own bilogical child - that is something I am not sure I could seperate my emotions from, where as I feel confident that if I knew the baby was not mine (someone elses embyro was implanted in my womb) I could happily bake the bun in my oven and hand it over when it popped out. 

I have friends who have struggled with fertility and I cannot imagine how emotionally crippling it must be not to be able to have children yourself, I would offer up my baby carrying services to most anyone I knew reasonably well, it would seem the least I could do given that I have been blessed with 3 children and am expecting my 4th.


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## Croc-O-Dile

DottyLottie said:


> I would love to be a surrogae mama. *I do not know the correct description, but I would be happy to lend my womb to someone elses baby but not sure I could give away my own bilogical child - that is something I am not sure I could seperate my emotions from, where as I feel confident that if I knew the baby was not mine (someone elses embyro was implanted in my womb) I could happily bake the bun in my oven and hand it over when it popped out. *
> 
> I have friends who have struggled with fertility and I cannot imagine how emotionally crippling it must be not to be able to have children yourself, I would offer up my baby carrying services to most anyone I knew reasonably well, it would seem the least I could do given that I have been blessed with 3 children and am expecting my 4th.

That's called Gestational Surrogacy :thumbup:


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## divershona

i might seem a bit daft here but whats the difference between gestational and traditional surrogacy??

i'd love to be a surrogate mum for someone, i just love being pregnant so much (even though i'm only on my first hehe) and ever since i knew about babies etc ive wanted to be pregnant. 

I dont really know if there is a name for people like me but my mum and dad used a surrogate with both my little sister and myself, we are biologically related to both of our parents, my mum just couldn't carry a pregnancy past 14 weeks for some reason ... i luckily don't seem to have inherited this problem as im now 20 weeks and 1 :)


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## JustJack

Gestational surrogacy is where the surrogate mother carries the embryo which is made up of the intended fathers sperm and the mothers egg, it is then transferred to the surrogate to be looked after and grown for 9 months :). Traditional surrogacy is where the surrogates own egg is used and fertilised by the intended fathers sperm using artificial insemination , hope this helps :)


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## honeybun

I want to be a surrogate mother when i done having my children,me and my husband have our 3rd on way and then in couple of years will have our 4th and last baby.I cant imagine my life without my kids and dont know what id do if i couldnt have them and wouldnt want anyone to have to go through that.I know it will be a very very trumatic time mentaly/emotionaly but im willing to do it for someone so they get the chance to be a mum


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## urchin

Hmmm interesting thread.

I've not quite got to the end of my IVF journey yet - what I know is I need donor eggs as my own eggeries are virtually empty, but with a 3 year waiting list who knows whether I will ever get there. At 40 I feel that time is running out for me, though I do want to have a shot at carrying my own child.

I guess I had thought my next option is adoption....I've never seriously considered surrogacy because it always seemed such an unlikely thing for anyone to do for me: I know no one who would offer, and with what has been said about not being able to ask - well, it just seems like a non-starter.

I'm wondering what these agencies actually do for their huge fee? Allow you to talk to people that you are not allowed to ask to be your surrogate (presumably with no 'money-back guarentees' if they can't match you up??) Just seems an awfully unfair business - to take money from desperate people in these circumstances.

am I missing something???


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## SteffyRae

I was planning to be a surrogate for a friend cause she is unable to carry children due to her heart but that is a long way off.. I really want my own child but my mothers friends sister is also unable to have children and needs a surrogate she is paying alot of money I would love to do it because I would be helping her and it would be a nice little nest egg for my future baby but I dont know if I could handle being pregnant and having no baby at the end when I want one so bad.. honestly I need advice on that aswell


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## Frankie

Itl depend on how I have my 2nd baby. I only want 2 children but ive already had 1 C Section if I go natural 2nd time around I would seriously consider becoming a surrogate. Reasons being that there are so many woman who never get the chance to become a parent or others that take it for granted. 

I think all woman deserve the right to become a mum


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## Pink_Tinks

ever since i was about 16 i have said i would like to be a surrogate...no idea why.
I loved being pregnant and cant wait to be pregnant again, but i do want my own children first (tho i think two is enought for me!) i feel sooo lucky to have carried and had a child and i cant even imagine how someone who cant have one who really wants to be a mum would feel.

i just have no idea how you would get the chance to be one...?! Think my OH is against it at the moment, but dont know what will happen in the future.


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## Georgie90

i would love to be a surrogate, to be able to give someone that gift its amazing. However, I just dont think I could do it xx


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## MUMOF5

I would definately be a GS for someone unable to carry their own baby, be it friend/family or stranger. Im done having my own babies now and would love to help to give someone the most precious gift in the world. Im not sure how DH would feel though :shrug:. xx


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## Cariad_bach

MUMOF5 said:


> I would definately be a GS for someone unable to carry their own baby, be it friend/family or stranger. Im done having my own babies now and would love to help to give someone the most precious gift in the world. Im not sure how DH would feel though :shrug:. xx

My DH is my biggest problem at the mo .. he knows i want to help etc,

At first he was saying 'what will the kids think' but the kids understand, then it was 'what will other people think' but im afraid i couldn't care less what other people think of me!
But now it seems to have boiled down to a male macho 'my wife will be carrying another mans child' thing ... silly bloke, he understands it wouldn't be my child either but he still feels weird about it :shrug:


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## MUMOF5

Cariad_bach said:


> MUMOF5 said:
> 
> 
> I would definately be a GS for someone unable to carry their own baby, be it friend/family or stranger. Im done having my own babies now and would love to help to give someone the most precious gift in the world. Im not sure how DH would feel though :shrug:. xx
> 
> My DH is my biggest problem at the mo .. he knows i want to help etc,
> 
> At first he was saying 'what will the kids think' but the kids understand, then it was 'what will other people think' but im afraid i couldn't care less what other people think of me!
> But now it seems to have boiled down to a male macho 'my wife will be carrying another mans child' thing ... silly bloke, he understands it wouldn't be my child either but he still feels weird about it :shrug:Click to expand...

That is exactly the opinion of my DH :growlmad:, that and the fact he would be put off having sex with me whilst i was carrying someone elses baby. I guess i can respect his views, even though i dont agree with them :nope:. xx


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## TTCMetalMom

I was a surrogate (an unsuccessful one)....I was under the recommended age for a surrogate, nor was I with an agency...I was 16 and didn't want children of my own. I am now 18 and WTT.

My Mothers best friend (at the time) was in her late 40s and has also got Crohns and had had lots of surgery so natural conception was never going to happen for her. She had her 1st child at 14 (but gave him up for adoption) and had her second son 19 years ago (my ex-best friend) and her partner was in his mid 30s and more desparate for a child than her.

I agreed to be a surrogate, using his sperm and my egg. I also gave them only 6 attempts to conceive....meaning two or three 'inseminations' for each attempt. After my 1st cycle I reached 18 weeks without a period and we all thought that it had worked straight away....I wasn't pregnant, I was then diagnosed with PCOS :(

The other attempts happened anyway and then I agreed to do one last cycle within the 6 months of the agreement. The woman then twisted that and tried to make me do it every month for six months. I refused....she had put down rules during the 18 months of trying to carry a child for them....I was 16 at the time, she told me not to date (ie. have sex with anyone), not to drink any alcohol at all, to avoid going out and much more, as well as she'd often ask if I still wanted to do it and I had no choice but to say 'yes' because once I said 'no' and I was physically thrown out of the house. I had total mental breakdowns during the 18 months.

I was not paid anything for even trying, despite 18 months of my life were taken away from me, and if it was successful I would have been given £5000....even though I've heard that the average expences are around the £10000 mark. The man stills wants a baby and is rumoured to be leaving her soon because he doesn't have one, he is still capable of becoming a father. 

Be careful when being a surrogate, you might end up with manipulative couples who can ruin your life and mental health.


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## MUMOF5

TTCMetalMom said:


> I was a surrogate (an unsuccessful one)....I was under the recommended age for a surrogate, nor was I with an agency...I was 16 and didn't want children of my own. I am now 18 and WTT.
> 
> My Mothers best friend (at the time) was in her late 40s and has also got Crohns and had had lots of surgery so natural conception was never going to happen for her. She had her 1st child at 14 (but gave him up for adoption) and had her second son 19 years ago (my ex-best friend) and her partner was in his mid 30s and more desparate for a child than her.
> 
> I agreed to be a surrogate, using his sperm and my egg. I also gave them only 6 attempts to conceive....meaning two or three 'inseminations' for each attempt. After my 1st cycle I reached 18 weeks without a period and we all thought that it had worked straight away....I wasn't pregnant, I was then diagnosed with PCOS :(
> 
> The other attempts happened anyway and then I agreed to do one last cycle within the 6 months of the agreement. The woman then twisted that and tried to make me do it every month for six months. I refused....she had put down rules during the 18 months of trying to carry a child for them....I was 16 at the time, she told me not to date (ie. have sex with anyone), not to drink any alcohol at all, to avoid going out and much more, as well as she'd often ask if I still wanted to do it and I had no choice but to say 'yes' because once I said 'no' and I was physically thrown out of the house. I had total mental breakdowns during the 18 months.
> 
> I was not paid anything for even trying, despite 18 months of my life were taken away from me, and if it was successful I would have been given £5000....even though I've heard that the average expences are around the £10000 mark. The man stills wants a baby and is rumoured to be leaving her soon because he doesn't have one, he is still capable of becoming a father.
> 
> Be careful when being a surrogate, you might end up with manipulative couples who can ruin your life and mental health.

Oh my goodness, it sounds absolutely terrible, it sounds like you were exploited to me. I dont mean to patronise you but how at the age of 16 could they even consider you to be a viable option??!! It is highly recommended that any surrogate has finished having their own children before they embark on surrogacy and that they have couselling, you legally were still a child yourself!! I wish you every luck in the world when you try for your own children :hugs:. xx


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## Sassy_TTC

Wow this thread really gives me hope that some day I might be a mummy, I have plenty of good eggs but seem unable to carry a child. We are seriously looking at surrogacy, I think its amazing that some women are willing to carry a child for somebody else, my mum offered to be one for us but we declined. xxxx


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## Cariad_bach

Aww TTCMetalmom it sounds like you had a horrible experience, i agree it sounds like you were badly exploited :hugs: as for any money .. in the UK its law that you can only claim Genuine expensive .. i think its up to £15000 for people with huge travel costs, medical costs, possible child care costs of other children etc etc but if its high you have to prove the expenses to the court, Its such a shame you were treated how you were xx

MUMOF5 my OH will get his head around the idea eventually .. im just drip feeding it to him at the mo ... all i need to do now is make it sound like it was his idea to start with and im on a winner lol.

Sassy hugs hun, have you joined or look in to the UK surrogacy agencies etc?


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## XxxIM08-09xxX

Can I just say, that as the lucky mother of the most beautifuly 6 month old daughter - through surrogacy - that all you ladies who are considering doing such a selfless thing are simply amazing.

My DH and I were ttc for 16 years before we finally realised that surrogacy was our final and only option to achieve our dream of a baby together.

There are 100s of successful and happy surrogacy journeys taking place throughout the UK each year, but unfortunately only the ones that go wrong seem to hit the media - we all know the newspapers want to sell papers and the more controversial and salacious the stories the better. It seems that they are not interested in all the beautiful families which have been created through surrogacy.

My friend Sharon has 4 children of her own and had a deep longing to help childless couples. I was lucky enough to meet her on an infertility support forum where she had been researching how to go about surrogacy. I was at that time matched with someone else who I had met through a surrogacy group but unfortunately for us, she fell pregnant to her own partner and our journey couldn't continue. Sharon and I had become good online buddies by that time and I was giving her some advice about the process and legalities in the UK. When she heard what had happened to us with our previous surrogate, she had no hesitation in stepping up to the mark and offered to help us.

We already knew each other pretty well from our epic msn conversations, but took it one step further and met face to face and spent a few months getting to know each other really well before embarking on our journey together. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met and what she has done for me and my DH is just the most remarkable thing any human being could do for another.

I am currently living on Cloud 999 with my beautiful new daughter and Sharon has kindly offered to have a wee brother or sister for her which we plan to start trying for next summer.

If anyone wants to ask me anything about surrogacy, I'm pretty well versed having just been through the whole process and have actually set up a friendship forum for surrogates and IPs in the UK called Friendship through Surrogacy:-

https://excoboard.com/friendshipthroughsurrogacy

To all you fabulous women who are contemplating becoming surrogates - from a grateful mummy can I just say that you have the ability to change lives, and to all those IPs who have no other option let to them but surrogacy, it can be, and was for us, the most wonderful experience of our lives.


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## lottie7

Just read the above post - what an amazing story. It's a shame that the media only seem to report on the ones that go 'wrong'. There are so many more positively amazing stories that no one hears about. Above being one such example. Clearly you have a friendship for life with your surrogate.


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## Cariad_bach

XxxIM08-09xxX said:


> Can I just say, that as the lucky mother of the most beautifuly 6 month old daughter - through surrogacy - that all you ladies who are considering doing such a selfless thing are simply amazing.
> 
> My DH and I were ttc for 16 years before we finally realised that surrogacy was our final and only option to achieve our dream of a baby together.
> 
> There are 100s of successful and happy surrogacy journeys taking place throughout the UK each year, but unfortunately only the ones that go wrong seem to hit the media - we all know the newspapers want to sell papers and the more controversial and salacious the stories the better. It seems that they are not interested in all the beautiful families which have been created through surrogacy.
> 
> My friend Sharon has 4 children of her own and had a deep longing to help childless couples. I was lucky enough to meet her on an infertility support forum where she had been researching how to go about surrogacy. I was at that time matched with someone else who I had met through a surrogacy group but unfortunately for us, she fell pregnant to her own partner and our journey couldn't continue. Sharon and I had become good online buddies by that time and I was giving her some advice about the process and legalities in the UK. When she heard what had happened to us with our previous surrogate, she had no hesitation in stepping up to the mark and offered to help us.
> 
> We already knew each other pretty well from our epic msn conversations, but took it one step further and met face to face and spent a few months getting to know each other really well before embarking on our journey together. She is the most wonderful person I have ever met and what she has done for me and my DH is just the most remarkable thing any human being could do for another.
> 
> I am currently living on Cloud 999 with my beautiful new daughter and Sharon has kindly offered to have a wee brother or sister for her which we plan to start trying for next summer.
> 
> If anyone wants to ask me anything about surrogacy, I'm pretty well versed having just been through the whole process and have actually set up a friendship forum for surrogates and IPs in the UK called Friendship through Surrogacy:-
> 
> https://excoboard.com/friendshipthroughsurrogacy
> 
> To all you fabulous women who are contemplating becoming surrogates - from a grateful mummy can I just say that you have the ability to change lives, and to all those IPs who have no other option let to them but surrogacy, it can be, and was for us, the most wonderful experience of our lives.

What a great story, thanks for sharing, im so happy for you .. i'd love to make someone feel like you do now :hugs:


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## Cariad_bach

Ive just had a look at your link and applied to resister for a look, thanks xx


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## Weeplin

I think all those who would like to be surrogate mothers are awesome and giving such a gift. I would love to do it but I honestly don't think I could, even though the child wouldn't be mine I know I would grow too attached whilst pregnant and it would tear me apart to hand the baby over.


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## kiwimama

What a beautiful story IM08-09. :cloud9: I wish you all the best as you embark on ttc a little brother or sister for Maya.

Does anyone know the criteria for being a surrogate? Obviously age and having finished your own family is important but wondered if things like previous miscarriages etc, would hinder the process.


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## JustJack

Hi Kiwimama,

Have a look here https://www.surrogacyuk.org/whatissurrogacya.html this will tell you what you need to know , if you have any questions feel free to pm me :)'

Jackie


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## Guppy051708

Hi girls! Is there anyone that is currently a surrogate or going through the paperwork to become a surrogate? In the States it works a bit differently but the outcome is all the same (a beautiful baby for a loving family). 

Within the last month or so I have gone through the application process with 3 agencies here in America (Simple Surrogacy, Circle Surrogacy, and the Center for Surrogacy and Egg Donation (CSED)) after sending out my profile and having an interview with CSED I have chosen to go with them as a Gestational Surrogate. I cannot wait to help a couple have their baby! And I love love love being Pregnant!

Now, I am looking at being pregnant around March as a GS. I am looking specifically for a surrogate bump buddy :friends: do I have any takers? :D


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## alisurro

I am a TS (traditional surrogate, so my egg was used). I've done two journeys so far. I had a baby boy in 2008 and another baby boy in 2010 (two different couples). I am now looking forward to doing a third and final journey sometime in 2011. I am talking to a few couples now and am narrowing it down slowly but surely.

For me, what clinched my desire to help others was seeing a friend suffer an unimaginable loss around the time in which I had my daughter six years ago. Seeing her and her husband suffer through it, just made me realize, I can't sit around saying I want to help others - I have to DO IT. So, I DID!

Surrogacy has been one of the most difficult and one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. It's taught me a lot and I hope in turn is helping my children to learn a lot about being giving. :)


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## MissyMooMoo

Bookmarking x


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## nlz2468

Just wanted to jump in a say all you woman are amazing wanting to be a surrogate and bring happiness to woman who cant have children or have difficulty concieving!

A surrogate is an amazing person and it is a great thing one person could do for another!

I have been ttc for 3 years with one mc i am now about to start fertilty treatment clomid to help me along my way but i have always thought about surrogacy for a while now and me and the oh have also spoke about it and have both agreed that hopefully one day if we cant have a child of our own we would love to have a surrogate to carry our baby for us :) we are considering both Traditional or Gestational depending on quality of embryos and costs but we would definitely like to if all else fails i would like the chance to become someones mum and to share my love for them and protect them from harm. Maybe one day i might experience being a mum :)

you woman are wonderful and make alot of other couples dreams come true! x


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## Guppy051708

Stopping in to let everyone know that, despite going through 4 potential IPs, i can no longer go through with surrogacy as i have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and need to seek treatment :cry: Shattered...


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## Croc-O-Dile

Guppy051708 said:


> Stopping in to let everyone know that, despite going through 4 potential IPs, i can no longer go through with surrogacy as i have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and need to seek treatment :cry: Shattered...

Aw no! So sorry to hear that! :hugs::hugs:


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## alisurro

Guppy051708 said:


> Stopping in to let everyone know that, despite going through 4 potential IPs, i can no longer go through with surrogacy as i have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and need to seek treatment :cry: Shattered...

Being a surrogate is of course your choice, but there are surrogates that have hyperthyroidism. You just have to find IPs and an RE that are okay with your condition and your taking whatever pregnancy safe meds to treat it. :)

:hugs:


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## Guppy051708

alisurro said:


> Guppy051708 said:
> 
> 
> Stopping in to let everyone know that, despite going through 4 potential IPs, i can no longer go through with surrogacy as i have been diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and need to seek treatment :cry: Shattered...
> 
> Being a surrogate is of course your choice, but there are surrogates that have hyperthyroidism. You just have to find IPs and an RE that are okay with your condition and your taking whatever pregnancy safe meds to treat it. :)
> 
> :hugs:Click to expand...

I am going through an agency, and their doctors dont allow it. But i did find out its postpartum induced so there is a chance it could go away :)


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## chocolatecat

I just want to thank the wonderful, selfless women in this thread (and in the world) who would do this for us stuggling couples. 
I know in my heart I would do it for my sister or cousins if they needed it, although as it turns out, they've now had all their children, and I'm the one childless :-( Maybe they'll change their minds and offer to help, but I've never asked, and never will. They know of my situation (my unicornate uterus give us only a 50% chance of a live birth even if I did get PG).
However, what I think I can do in the future is donate eggs. My OH is comfortable with it, and will probably donate sperm too. 
Maybe part of me is hoping on Karma, that if I do that one day, I'll get my own child. 
At the minute we have one more frozen embryo to try before looking at adoption and surrogacy.

Anyway, thanks to you wonder, wonder women!


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## ourgenetics

JustJack said:


> Gestational surrogacy is where the surrogate mother carries the embryo which is made up of the intended fathers sperm and the mothers egg, it is then transferred to the surrogate to be looked after and grown for 9 months :). Traditional surrogacy is where the surrogates own egg is used and fertilised by the intended fathers sperm using artificial insemination , hope this helps :)

Hi,
I too was wondering what exactly a traditional surrogate was. Thanks for defining this term. Do you or anyone else here know what it would be called if my DH and I conceived a baby purely for the purpose of being a surrogate for my sister who has asked me to be a surrogate for her. Is this considered an outright adoption??


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## Sweet_Mama

ourgenetics said:


> Hi,
> I too was wondering what exactly a traditional surrogate was. Thanks for defining this term. Do you or anyone else here know what it would be called if my DH and I conceived a baby purely for the purpose of being a surrogate for my sister who has asked me to be a surrogate for her. Is this considered an outright adoption??

This would definitely have to be an outright adoption, not surrogacy at all.


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## not the mummy

hi ladies im 6 months on with my 1st surrogate pregnancy. im so glad that i have found some like minded people to chat to. 
i feel like i cant voice my concerns to anyone without them thinking that i have gone in to this huge decision lightly. 
let me explain. i am having a few wobbles about the birth not because i think it will hurt (i have 2 children of my own both natural speedy deliveries #1 8lbs 15oz 8 hours start to finish and #2 9lbs 14oz 3 hours start to finish) but because i have such quick deliveries and the IPs live 3.5 hours away im a little scared that i might give birth and get a little attached to her. i think its just the hormones but some days i feel fine about it as i am just giving her back but there are other days where im a little worried. i know that i would have no problems giving her back.
did anyone else go through this or am i going crazy lol


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## morri

Random fact: It is not allowed to be a surrogate in Germany .


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## bornthiswayxo

Hey everyone! I decided to be a surrogate at the age of 16, but personally don't know why. I would love to, once I have finished my family, be a surrogate... It's just something I'd love to do for someone, preferably in a close friendship/family relationship with me. :)


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## BeeLT

dontworry said:


> I've always wanted to be a surrogate mother.
> My biggest fear in life is not being able to have children - pregnancy and childbirth has always been so fascinating to me, and to not be able to experience that must be devastating. I'm "just a kid" right now, but I would love to give the gift of life to someone who isn't able to experience it first hand. I don't know when or where I'll be in five, ten, twenty years, but surrogacy is something I'm very interested in. :)

This is how I've always felt as well!


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## babyhopes2010

i think its amazing that people are willing to be surrogates.:flower:

i know that if my sis inlaw(who cant have any kids) asked me id definately say yes :flower:


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## SFMom2be

I am not a surrogate but I am an "intended parent" with an incredible surrogate partner. The experience has been life-changing for me and my husband. Our surrogate "H" is a truly wonderful human being, and I've learned so much from being exposed to her generosity, life philosophy and intelligence. She has told me that wanted to be a surrogate since she first learned about it in high school, and now being a nursing student, finds it an incredible learning experience as well.


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## merlin cat

hi i was looking on site amd found your post.are you still interested in being a surrogate?i have started to look into it but dont knw where to start.

thanks

Nadia


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## prettyflower7

As a woman has just started to look into the idea of using a surrogate due me and my partners own problems conceiving...can I just say it is incredible and amazing to see how selfless all you women are :) it truly is inspiring.


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## filipenko32

Hi, I see this is an older thread but me and my husband are seriously thinking about trying to find a host surrogate with ivf so the baby would genetically be ours. I have had 4 miscarriages in a year with no cause found (age 30 and 31 so I think still relatively young). Our third loss was a 'normal' fetus and all my losses have had heartbeats which have just stopped at around 8 weeks. It seems pretty hard to find a surrogate in the uk but I have found some success stories!


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## rachyh1990

i would love to be a surrogate, i dont think i could use my eggs though but i could do GS, i have 2 beautiful children and to be able to give somebody a child is fantastic :D i have no idea how to go about it though as i cannot seem to find somewhere to find IPs to talk to, im 21 now and have no partner though (we split up before my daughter was born, had sex when my daughter was 6 months old, hence my sons conception and are still no longer together) but in the future i may want other children so i am in two minds whether to wait a while as i wouldnt want to not be able to have more kids myself in the future if something where to go wrong. x


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## Phantom710

I am a soon to be surrogate! I have matched with a couple and we are hoping to tranfer by april!

for anyone looking fora surrogate/ips:

www.surrogatemother.com

www.allaboutsurrogacy.com

www.surromomsonline.com

The first has a matching forum, and the last two have classifieds. :)

Also, if you are hoping to work with an agency, just google Surrogacy agency. there are tons


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## filipenko32

Phantom, thanks for the info, what kind of surrogacy are you doing?


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## Phantom710

I was originally going through an agency, but then found an independent couple working with a surrogacy lawyer.

I am doing gestational as I'm not sure I could use my egg and not feel attached.

On Tuesday I have the phone consult with their Doctor at the fertility clinic they are going through. I am really excited and hope everything goes well. :)


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## filipenko32

Wow that's amazing! Do you get paid for being a surrogate in the us?


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## Phantom710

Yes. Well, it depends on your state. Some states monitor the amount so it's not to much, some states say you can have no extra compensation besides bills etc.

My state allows payment, but harshly regulates Surrogacy.


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## filipenko32

Really I think you should be paid and fairly paid too. While it's a lovely gesture I think payment makes it more kind of professional for want of a better word. I think there should be a contract and payment for gestational surrogacy. In the uk they are pathetic about it with hazy rules and regs it makes me mad! I think surrogacy where you donate your own eggs is a completely different story and not really sure how that would/should be regulated - wouldn't want to go there! I suffer from recurrent miscarriages and undiagnosed too. I get pregnant every time we try but lose it at 8 weeks after a heartbeat. Im on lots of treatment for next time. Most women who mc eventually carry to term but it is bloody frustrating and in the meantime I want to explore my options! Best of luck to you!


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## katexxx

such a great thing to do. Good luck to you all x


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## ErIndoorz

Hi all 
This is my 1st time on this site as only just found it but jumped straight to this thread as I have not long signed up to be a surrogate. 

I have already had my family, a son who is 13 this year, I have wanted to help someone since I had him.

Before having my son I was married to a man who was infertile. It was the most painful 7 years of my life as all I wanted was a baby. Unfortunately the marriage broke down. I went on to another relationship and fell pregnant straight away and loved every second of it. 
I knew though as soon as I had him, I wouldn't want anymore of my own but would want to help someone who was in the same situation I was in before. 
What better gift to give someone?

My sons dad would not let me be a surrogate when we were together, I've since re-married and have been on to my husband for the last 10 years about it. He finally realised he was being selfish not letting me do something I've wanted for so long so I joined COTS in February, had all the checks done, found a couple (3rd time lucky) and are (fingers crossed) now on our way. 

I'm looking forward to getting to know you all! 
xx


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## sma1588

hi ladies, i havnt gone through all the pages but i would love to talk to any1 who has been or is a surrogate now. 

i am going through an agency and have a lovly couple from austrailia. we will be doing the tranfer in oct and im looking foward to it. i get asked al the time how i can bond with this baby/babies then just give it away. i would just like to know your expeirances and how you have anwserd some of the questions


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## Phantom710

SMA-- hey hey! long time no see :)

My transfer is NEXT week. SO exciting. Been on all the meds for a few weeks now, and starting Progesterone injections on Sunday. Love my IPs they are wonderful!

Er- So great that you can finally be a surro!


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## sma1588

hey! thats awsome, were still getting the contracts done so it depends on when we get the clearance letter. they are coming her on the 1st of oct and staying awhile untill they have the retreval i might have to do the transfer after they leave. i love the ips and there 2 boys already cant wait to share this experiance with them and others


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## Phantom710

Flying out tomorrow for a transfer on Friday!!!! Will update Saturday how everything went xx


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## whitehall

how did everything go hun? xx



Phantom710 said:


> Flying out tomorrow for a transfer on Friday!!!! Will update Saturday how everything went xx


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## Phantom710

Totally forgot to update!! hehe! We transferred two embryos!!! HPTs are coming back positive. first BETA is on 10/4. PUPO w. Twins :)


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## whitehall

its twins?? xx


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## Phantom710

Well for now we're saying it's twins until proven otherwise, we transferred two so hopefully they both made it. Not SURE until U/S though


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## whitehall

aww that's fantsastic!!! xx


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## wayne89

hello, i was wondering if anyone has had experience of gestational surrogacy and would be able to help me, me and my finace are looking into gestational surrogacy as she had her tubes tied before we met 5 years ago but have no idea about costs or procedures, we have a good family friend who would me more than willing to help us out but i have no idea of what to do next or of prices, i live in the uk and all of our dreams would come true if we could have a child together, best of luck to each and evryone of you.


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## filipenko32

Wayne if it's just a tube tie problem then ivf might be a better option, your wife could still conceive and carry as the embryo would be placed back in the womb. Ive not experienced ivf or surrogacy but I know that ivf would be cheaper and give your wife the chance to carry - less stressful? Hope that's helpful.


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## babyhopes2010

:hugs:


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## Bumpblues82

hello everyone im jain and im in teesside in the uk!

after sevral losses (7 in total) in the last 3 and a half years my husband and i are starting the surrogacy journey to have a second child (our son is 4 and i carried him no probs). just looking for info, friends and any advice really we have joined COTS


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## Bumpblues82

****** ignore last post*******

hello everyone im jain and im in teesside in the uk!

after sevral losses (7 in total) in the last 3 and a half years my husband and i are starting the surrogacy journey to have a second child (our son is 4 and i carried him no probs). just looking for info, friends and any advice really we have joined COTS and surrogacy uk in the hope to find a surrogate soon and we have found our clinic to help us with the medical side of things :)


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## Phantom710

I hope you are able to find a great surro and can move on with the whole journey quickly :)


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## TrinaF

I carried a baby boy via Surrogacy he was born March of 2013! My husband and I loved being able to help his family bring him home. It was honestly the best experience! I still see photos of him online and i was able to see him after delivery but we both moved from the area. I guess i should answer the question haha I decided to help someone via surrogacy because we wanted to help someone be blessed with children just like we were. I'd love to be able to be a surrogate again. I currently have baby fever so we are TTC our last and then were going to help another family! Its the best experience seeing the babys mother hold her son and watch her face as her son was being born!


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## Fliss

I've recently been diagnosed with endometriosis, and it could well be very severe, so looking into my options for baby #2 - I'd definitely consider surrogacy if we could manage it...


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## hans2009

I am just starting to look into becoming one. I had my own experience, it took my husband and I 4 years to conceive (so I'm wondering if I would even qualify...) and it breaks my heart that many women are never able to. My husband wasn't totally on board with it because he is unsure if I could handle it emotionally. I only had to say the words "We would have wanted someone to do it for us" and his mood totally changed. 

Hopefully when we are done having our own children within the next few years, my body allows me to help out another family!


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## Phantom710

hans2009 said:


> I am just starting to look into becoming one. I had my own experience, it took my husband and I 4 years to conceive (so I'm wondering if I would even qualify...) and it breaks my heart that many women are never able to. My husband wasn't totally on board with it because he is unsure if I could handle it emotionally. I only had to say the words "We would have wanted someone to do it for us" and his mood totally changed.
> 
> Hopefully when we are done having our own children within the next few years, my body allows me to help out another family!

If your......"problems" in conceiving are not directly related to your uterus or ability to carry a child, you could definitely have a chance to be a surrogate. I know several surros that are "fixed" and as long as their uterus works and they have carried full term, healhy pregnancies, they were able to do it. 

Best of luck!


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