# Is it hard to find a man when you're a single mum with a young child?



## amy_2

Is it harder to attract/keep a guy when you're a single mum?

I ask this because I have often thought about what it would be like if I was a single mum, or if I had a baby outiside of a stable relationship and the relationship ended up breaking up, what the outcome might be? i.e. would I be able to find someone else? 

I know this is a touchy subject and I don't mean to offend anyone. But please answer honestly. I would really appreciate your answers.


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## LittleMadam

It's definitely harder to pursue relationships. A single mum is not free to arrange dates or stay out all night without finding a babysitter and seeing to LO first. Also, the frequency of dating is less. A lot of single mums cannot date, say, two nights in a row due to lack of babysitter or just not wanting to leave LO.

Single mums cannot be impulsive. We have to arrange everything beforehand.

It's definitely harder to attract men, sort of. A lot of guys steer clear when they see a woman pushing a pram or with kids around, either thinking they've been taken, or not wanting to mess with a woman who isn't childfree. I will say this though: when I've been out without baby, I've met guys ok and most seemed fine with the fact I have a baby. However, I find I don't have the time or energy to devote to a new relationship right now so these 'budding' relationships (which usually just involve texting and phone conversations) tend to end quickly.

Logically, I know I will find someone else at some point, even though my target market is less (so to speak) because not all men want a woman with a child and/or children. As I have mentioned, I have not had a problem meeting men but I cannot commit to anything right now. Most likely because my LO is only 11 mos. It is hard not to feel a bit like 'damaged goods' but I think this is related to how the relationship ended with my child's father. And not all single mums feel like this!

Hope this helps!


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## Aidedhoney

LittleMadam said:


> It's definitely harder to pursue relationships. A single mum is not free to arrange dates or stay out all night without finding a babysitter and seeing to LO first. Also, the frequency of dating is less. A lot of single mums cannot date, say, two nights in a row due to lack of babysitter or just not wanting to leave LO.
> 
> Single mums cannot be impulsive. We have to arrange everything beforehand.
> 
> It's definitely harder to attract men, sort of. A lot of guys steer clear when they see a woman pushing a pram or with kids around, either thinking they've been taken, or not wanting to mess with a woman who isn't childfree. I will say this though: when I've been out without baby, I've met guys ok and most seemed fine with the fact I have a baby. However, I find I don't have the time or energy to devote to a new relationship right now so these 'budding' relationships (which usually just involve texting and phone conversations) tend to end quickly.
> 
> Logically, I know I will find someone else at some point, even though my target market is less (so to speak) because not all men want a woman with a child and/or children. As I have mentioned, I have not had a problem meeting men but I cannot commit to anything right now. Most likely because my LO is only 11 mos. It is hard not to feel a bit like 'damaged goods' but I think this is related to how the relationship ended with my child's father. And not all single mums feel like this!
> 
> Hope this helps!


Whats said above sums it all up really.

I have had no problems attracting men but i am not ready nor do i want anything more than friends at the moment.

What will be will be and all that x


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## edinsam

i seem to meet men quite easily but they seem to be more put off by how independant I am rather than being a single parent - their issue lol - take it or leave it!


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## angelkatelyn

1 not so much, 3 yes lol x


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## lushious09

2bh since been pregnant ive had more intrest in men then ever... i was taken back by this 2bh but i have guys asking if i wanna go for a coffee or txting me seein how bump is and how i am... nothing sexual just really nice friendly getting to no each other banter... 

I dont think its true its harder been a single mum at all... its pretty much the norm these days once lo is here ill still go out (i never went out that much neways 1 or 2 times a month) yet i still managed to meet guys :) not only that but im hoping fob will get act together and have little one some days ... i deserve a life as well why should he be able to have a freedom and i not?


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## UBC Mom

For me being a single mother means I have to arrange any outing ahead of time. This is a draw back in dating because I am not available as much as a woman without kids would be. As for men, they are all different, some do not mind if you have kids, others do mind. I find that many good men are already married, seems the fish pond is not as plentiful as it was before children. So in my opinion it's harder to find a good man and manage spending quality time with him.


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## Tropiclands

Being independent and a single mom seem to be qualities that go hand in hand. With that said, there can be a challenge to dating there as activities can be harder to arrange with independent people simply because they have a knack for entertaining themselves. If you can't be entertaining on a date or willing to allow yourself to be, then I honestly don't see a reason to bother. With that said, there also needs to be flexibility. Some single moms, especially of young kids, do not feel it is responsible of them to be out after dark. Also single parents have multiple reserves to being out late from the restrictions of the babysitter to the schedule their child has them on. This often pushes planning back into the times of playdates, park visits . . . So some flexibility on both ends is a must.


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## Tropiclands

I also left out that the mother is also looking for someone who can potentially entertain their child, which can obviously change some things. Someone please add more for me here. :)


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## CaptainMummy

emm I'm a single mum to 3 and I find it hard to find the time to shower, let alone look for a relationship!


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## Shezza84uk

I started dating my husband once my son who was my youngest at the time got to 2 and was in nursery, I wasn't looking for anyone but he was interested in me. We dated on my days off between school times which meant lunch time dates, we only ever had one evening date on a weekend where my mum had the kids. 

he met the kids 3 months after our first date, he was also willing to go with my schedule, once he met the kids we did family meals after school and weekend so it wasn't really a date anymore it was family bonding time. He in fact said by date 3 he was going to marry me and a year later we did get married and had twins added to our family.

It can happen, you just need the right person with the right intentions.


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## candeur

I really worried about this when I was unhappy with my ex and it's one of the reasons I held off leaving for so long.

I was single for 3 months before I met my current oh and we've been together for 3 years now. We got together when DS was 1 and DD was 5. He is a couple of years younger than me and we had known each other briefly through work... and one of our mutual friends told me that he'd previously said he couldn't be with someone who had kids so it was a shock to me that he was interested! He met them after 3 months and then spent more and more time together over the space of a year before we moved in together. We're getting married next June :)

Honestly if you meet someone who's the right person they will see that the kids are a part of who you are and they will embrace them. If they don't then he isn't the right person for you and your family. It's been hard at times but now he's fully taken on the parenting role. I could kick myself for spending so much time worrying over it.


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## angelbump

Yes, it is harder. But not impossible. Like pp have said we cannot be as impulsive and we have a little human who we always put first before any man and that can be hard for them to understand.
I have been with my new partner for 7 months now and he is wonderful. He completely understands the situation and he's always supportive. They are out there but hard to find x


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## daneuse27

I've still had a lot of interest as a single mom. I'd say the difficulty lies not in attracting men, but being 'available' (emotionally, and time wise) for dating. I've been dating someone for 4 months now and it works out well because he just comes to my house to hang out after LO is in bed. Then on weekends, we usually are able to get together at his place, or go out to do something. My partner is very supportive of my situation and always considers mine, and LO's needs. 

If this were to not work out though, it might be tough to start from scratch and meet someone again because I'd have to trust them already before allowing them into my home. And that would require me to go out on dates which isn't as easy for me to do when I'm often alone with a small child.

I always say, if there is a will, there's a way. If you meet a guy you're keen about, you'll do what you can to make it work, as will he ;)


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## DreamCatcher_

I've never found it hard to meet anyone since being a single mum, DS is 6 and I've had a long term relationship with 3 guys (including OH) and dated another 1.

First guy was an old friend and it just clicked, he already saw me as Dream and a baby didn't change that. Although he was a knob and started to get jealous of not having all my time and DS still seeing his dad, so he was binned. 

Second guy was a single dad and we dated for a year and a bit. He understood, being a parent himself, and on that level things worked. However, he had different rules for my DS to his DD and never treated them the same. He also tried to please everyone at my expense and for a grown man was a bloody child when it came to keeping a house. This led to me leaving him 8 months after living together and DS was better for it. 

Current OH was never put off and enjoyed being around children, understood that my time with him was limited to every other weekend in the beginning and cooperated with my schedule. He met DS aftwr a few months and then, to spend more time with us, he would suggest trips to the zoo, soft play, cinema etc. He's a keeper.

The other guy I dated for 2 or so months was in the navy - he only came to shore a few times and these clashed with my child free weekends so we went to dinner.

What I mean is, the right guy is the right guy regardless of parenthood. I had very different experiences of dating as a single parent and this was never a draw back to the guys, it was their personalities and situations that ultimately ended it (as it would have without DS).


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