# Tricked into pregnany or helped??



## Jess1987

So i just need a little advice.. And came here for help.. Hope you dont mind. 

My partner and i have been having unprotected sex for 6 months. I have been off depo for 12 months.. He was very aware that i wasnt on contraception.. But still claimed he was done with having kids. 

A part of me wanted another child but i didnt tell him i did.. I knew unprotected sex it would happen anyway.. Without a decision being made by us both. If you know what i mean. 

Anyway.. Cut a long story short.. I told him i wanted a child and that i had insinuated sex a little more around ovulation time.. He was fuming. He said i had tried to trick him into having another child even though he didnt want one.. Yet hasnt worn a condom and was WELL aware there was a risk every single time. 

I told him i was going getting the implant and i was going to forget about the idea.
But now ive just found out I'M PREGNANT!! I havent told him yet..
What on earth do i do? Ive discussed the "what if" with him.. After id told him that i wanted one, and there could be a chance i was pregnant this month.. His reply was. "If you are, and you choose to keep it, i will leave" "i was tricked". 

Please tell me this isnt classed as him being "tricked" or "manipulative" as it's what he keeps saying. He CHOSE to have sex every time.. Without protection. 

Sorry for rambling on, and im not even sure ive posted this in the correct thread. I just REALLY need some advice 
Thanks in advance.


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## HLx

Definitely not classed as being tricked, he knew the situation when you both had unprotected sex and that it COULD happen, it takes two to tango!


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## Jess1987

So i just need a little advice.. And came here for help.. Hope you dont mind.

My partner and i have been having unprotected sex for 6 months. I have been off depo for 12 months.. He was very aware that i wasnt on contraception.. But still claimed he was done with having kids.

A part of me wanted another child but i didnt tell him i did.. I knew unprotected sex it would happen anyway.. Without a decision being made by us both. If you know what i mean.

Anyway.. Cut a long story short.. I told him i wanted a child and that i had insinuated sex a little more around ovulation time.. He was fuming. He said i had tried to trick him into having another child even though he didnt want one.. Yet hasnt worn a condom and was WELL aware there was a risk every single time.

I told him i was going getting the implant and i was going to forget about the idea.
But now ive just found out I'M PREGNANT!! I havent told him yet..
What on earth do i do? Ive discussed the "what if" with him.. After id told him that i wanted one, and there could be a chance i was pregnant this month.. His reply was. "If you are, and you choose to keep it, i will leave" "i was tricked".

Please tell me this isnt classed as him being "tricked" or "manipulative" as it's what he keeps saying. He CHOSE to have sex every time.. Without protection.

Sorry for rambling on, and im not even sure ive posted this in the correct thread. I just REALLY need some advice
Thanks in advance


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## Jess1987

So i just need a little advice.. And came here for help.. Hope you dont mind.

My partner and i have been having unprotected sex for 6 months. I have been off depo for 12 months.. He was very aware that i wasnt on contraception.. But still claimed he was done with having kids.

A part of me wanted another child but i didnt tell him i did.. I knew unprotected sex it would happen anyway.. Without a decision being made by us both. If you know what i mean.

Anyway.. Cut a long story short.. I told him i wanted a child and that i had insinuated sex a little more around ovulation time.. He was fuming. He said i had tried to trick him into having another child even though he didnt want one.. Yet hasnt worn a condom and was WELL aware there was a risk every single time.

I told him i was going getting the implant and i was going to forget about the idea.
But now ive just found out I'M PREGNANT!! I havent told him yet..
What on earth do i do? Ive discussed the "what if" with him.. After id told him that i wanted one, and there could be a chance i was pregnant this month.. His reply was. "If you are, and you choose to keep it, i will leave" "i was tricked".

Please tell me this isnt classed as him being "tricked" or "manipulative" as it's what he keeps saying. He CHOSE to have sex every time.. Without protection.

Sorry for rambling on, and im not even sure ive posted this in the correct thread. I just REALLY need some advice
Thanks in advance


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## Proserpina

My view on this is not popular, but here goes:

Consent to sex is consent to potential pregnancy, with or without birth control. ESPECIALLY for men.

Also, he knew you were not on birth control, yet he didn't use a condom or pull out or press you to track ovulation or do anything else that might have helped prevent pregnancy. Does he think there's a blue fairy that keeps women from getting pregnant if the man doesn't want another baby? Surprise! There's not.

You didn't trick or manipulate anyone, he needs to grow up and realize actions have consequences and he alone is responsible for his choices.

Grats on your pregnancy, I hope he warms up to it.


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## Jess1987

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me! I will be telling him very soon, i just need to get my head round it properly first. It just all seems like such a mess x


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## Jess1987

Thank you for replying! I feel like its all just such a big mess :( x


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## robo123

I think he knows the risks and you told him you was not on protection. I think instigating sex around ovulation when he had said no more kids is a little naughty but he should have covered himself if he really felt that strongly. You can't get pregnant by yourself! Xx


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## Bump288

While I don’t think initiating when you knew you were ovulating is the best when you knew he didn’t want anymore ... especially since he told you he would leave... but he also knew the risks as well and did nothing to protect knowing he definitely didn’t want anymore . Honestly I think you both played wrong parts in this, but what’s done is done, hopefully he is man enough to step up and care for his child regardless


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## OnErth&InHvn

Go ahead let him leave, his loss. Hes going to walk away because sex ed clearly didnt click in school.


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## LuvKaya

He chose not to wear a condom. How can he blame you?


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## Heather.1987

Agree with proser. Even if you were on bc and did as much as you can to prevent pregnancy, fact is, you have sex, you risk pregnancy. There is no trick. Sex = pregnancy risk every single time. Congrats! Hope he comes around, if not, good riddance.


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## Lightning7

I agree with you, it takes two, and if he definitely didn't want another baby he should have used protection! :shrug:

Congrats on your pregnancy, and I hope that when you get around to telling him, even if he isn't happy at first, that he will soon come around to the idea :hugs:


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## MiissMuffet

It takes 2. And you told him your feelings. If he wants to leave that's on him not you :hugs:


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## smileyfaces

Yep agree, if he didnt want a baby he should have taken steps to prevent it :shrug:


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## Bevziibubble

He was aware there was a possibility. It takes two, so no I don't think he was tricked.


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## Jess1987

Thanks for your replies! My head is just messed up with it all!


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## Bevziibubble

It takes two! Hopefully he comes round.


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## Bevziibubble

:hugs:


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## Bevziibubble

It's not your fault. He knew there was a possibility.


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## Bevziibubble

I've merged your threads so all the responses are in one thread as duplicate threads aren't allowed :thumbup:


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## Jess1987

Bevziibubble said:


> I've merged your threads so all the responses are in one thread as duplicate threads aren't allowed :thumbup:

Thank you x


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## Kiwiberry

I agree with the other ladies. I would also say that if he decides to leave, don't be surprised if he tries to come back in to his child's life when they're older. If he decides to walk away, make sure you get the proper paperwork so he doesn't have any rights if he changes his mind later. Also, depending on where you live if he keeps the child with you for longer than 30 days you automatically have full custody. It's considered abandonment, under the premise that wherever the child was left was considered safe by the abandoning parent.


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## red_head

I have to say I disagree with the others - I do think you manipulated him and are in the wrong. You made a conscious decision to try and get pregnant and admit you seduced him when you were ovulating. While I agree he knew the risks and should be prepared for the consequences, it is different because he wasn’t consciously trying. I would be really angry - not because you ended up pregnant (which is equally your faults), but because of the intentions behind your behaviour. I don’t think it can be said you tricked him, as you both knew what could happen. I guess a kind of analogy would be that if you drink drive, you might crash the car. The more you do it, the more likely you would. But you’ve deliberately crashed the car, with him in it. He shouldn’t have ever got in there, but if he had known that was your intention, he wouldn’t have. hope that makes sense - good luck!


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## Kiwiberry

Asked my boyfriend, his response: " If he's mad about her being pregnant then he should have checked himself and not had irresponsible sex, if he's going to act like that then it's his fault it happened he can't blame her (you). If he keeps acting like that and doesn't care then just aim to get child support, Find someone who will support you and be happy with kids, Hes just trying to blame everything on her and that's really childish. Everyone knows that if you have unprotected sex there's a chance of pregnancy"

I told him the story including your boyfriend knowing that you were off birth control, the sex during ovulation part too.


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## sarah34

I think the responsibility to practise safe sex falls to both a woman and a man. 

Yes he should have used a condom but you also should not have done what you did. 

You are now in a situation that you are both responsible for but that you hoped would happen. You did therefore trick him in my opinion. 
Sorry if this isn’t the answer you wanted. I hope you are both able to parent this baby the way he/she deserves.


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## Sun_Rain_5

My husband's theory is that when a man gets into bed with a woman and doesn't dress for the occasion then he is taking responsibility for what may happen as he knows that no condom could lead to a baby therefore he doesn't have a leg to stand on by saying he was tricked because he had a chance to prevent a pregnancy occurring and he didn't do it.


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## xMissxZoiex

As long as you were 100% clear with him that your birth control has ran out then the pregnancy is both your "fault" as a consenting adult he knows the risks, unprotected sex usually leads to a pregnancy.

Give him some head space, let him accept he made the decision to not use a condom and he needs to come to terms with it.


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## Miss_Bump

I'm interested to see what happened with OP. Is there an update?


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## Jess1987

Miss_Bump said:


> I'm interested to see what happened with OP. Is there an update?

Hi. My pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 7 weeks. But i have just found out im pregnant again, this time no tricks were involved! Just a drunken night. Im scared to tell him even though its both of our faults this time.


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## Addiejoelle

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I don’t think you tricked him. Tricking him would have been if you told him you were on the pill and you weren’t. He knew you were having unprotected sex and that’s how babies are made.


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