# Husband not wanting baby yet- how do you cope?



## stargirl69

Hey,

Just wondering how those of you who are wanting to ttc now, cope with husband not wanting to ttc yet.

I'm finding it really difficult even though we've brought out ttc date forward. I think it's because I'm 28 and the earliest I will be having a baby is 30, and we want 2 and I'm scared that it will take even longer. We then want another one after that (ideally waiting a few years between).

Do you just not talk about it? Do you argue? Do you happily compromise?

Really need some advice on this!


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## lilmissmup

I am trying not to mention it to my OH but have told him I am coming off the pill at the end of this year so unless he wants to risk it we need to use condoms.

I tend to get angry when we do talk as it just upsets me we aren't trying yet but a few hints here and there help whilst having a chat about families etc.

I am 25 in 6 weeks and think its an ideal age to have a baby, he is 30 now and thinks I am too young. 

He might get put off more if its all you talk about but try mention the good points of having a child.

I honestly think men will never understand how we feel.


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## lozzy21

Try making a list of things you want/need to do before you ttc, save some money, go on holiday ect.


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## stargirl69

Thanks! Funnily enough Lozzy 21 that's just what I've done - just posted it in my journal!


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## honeybee2

hey hun- im back here from TTC because my OH thinks we dont have enough money and are not settled in our own lives yet- fair enough Im still in uni and hes just become a teacher, but my body clock has switched on and I cant help wanting one- I guess because Im not testing every 5 minutes, it keeps the pressure off, we do speak about it- we both want to be parents- but Im not crying everytime my period comes. Im so sure though that now we are not trying (because we are not always careful) that I will end up pregnant - its always the way. He says that women must not force men into Fatherhood but let nature take its course- easier said than done, its instinct to want to carry a child!!!


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## Amygdala

We talk about it a lot really but then we're kind of agreed anyway. We both know that we need to wait a few years until I'm in a more secure job. Only that he's quite happy with this while I'm rather broody and want a bump nooooooow! So I'm constantly cooing over other people's kids and talking about names and things and about how lovely it'll be when we have our own. But he knows that my "reasonable" side is stronger deep down and I'm just talking about it to get it off my chest and not to pressure him.

Uh, that reminds me to dig up my name thread... *goesofflookingfornamethread*


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## bigbloomerz

Before we agreed to NTNP/TTC in Sept, it was really hard, we have both always wanted a family, but finances, moving house and health factors had always got in the way, now we are in abetter situation to try its a lot easier.
Make a list of priorities and things you want to achieve before TTC and show this to your OH and see if he thinks anything could be added or put aside as not that important?
If you work things out together, rather than one person always saying "I want" , "We want" always works better :) Compromise as they say lol.
We find it really easy to talk and hardly ever argue, so that helps matters, OH is not argumentative at all, just goes along with things unless he really thinks it wouldnt work lol. 
Good Luck hun xx


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## Catastrophe

Can't add much that hasn't already been said but wanted to give you a :hugs: 

Sometimes I wish there was a fast-forward button and then I think how terrible that would probably end up being!


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## Twag

I am in a similar position, we always agreed that once we got married we would start trying for a baby.

So we got married in Nov'10 and just before then I came off my pill as we both agreed and we decided to see what happens, but this his mother spoke to him about it and said we should wait until after I have finished my exams (I am studying ACCA whilst working and have 3 more exams which is another year), so now hubby has decided his mother is correct and that I would have no incentive to complete my exams if I was pregnant or have a baby, which i disagree with and I am not going back on the pill!

I am 30 he is 32, this year I will be 31! I am really worried that once we do start trying after my exams (last one December 2011) it will take a year to conceive and then I will be 33 before we have a child! This really worries me and is putting me under a lot of pressure to pass my exams when they are hard enough as it is!

I try talking to him to come around but nothing and it is making me very upset as I am so broody and our friends are having 2nd babies and my sisters :cry:

I just don't know what to do :shrug:


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## odd_socks

* completely understand how ur feeling, me and my OH argue about it all the time, i really want to ttc now and worry about leaving it too much later and he keeps saying wait, wait wait*


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## MummytoSummer

My husband was the one who wanted to start trying before I did so I can't offer advice on that really but whenever the subject came up we did used to argue about it. He was 30 when we started trying and I was 27, he'd constantly remind me how I wasn't getting any younger! Way to make a girl feel good! Lol! In the end it was purely down to my age that I caved in and started to try, I wanted to be no older than 30 when I'm done having babies (although that may now not be possible as we think we now want 3 instead of 2)

My husband used to show me print outs from the Internet of statistics showing womens ages and their fertility and how it declines etc etc. I guess it was things like that that worked with me in the end. My husband is a bit different to others and most guys really don't get the urgency women feel to have children. Without sounding like you're pestering him have you tried sitting down with him with all the information about fertility etc and showing him and taking him through it? Maybe when he sees the facts in black and White it might hit home about why you feel uncomfortable waiting.

I hope you can come to a compromise. Or I hope he just caves in! Lol!

Hugs!

Good luck

X


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## Twag

We don't argue about it that is the thing, as I know he does want to have children and he is very broody around my 8 month old neice but he is just stubborn and always does what his mother says (only child) it just annoys me, i am more annoyed at her to be honest for sticking her oar in where it is not needed!
I get on with my mother in law so upsets me that I have this underlying anger at her :o(


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## Twag

I have shown him so many times the research etc on fertitily as you get older etc etc and he understands about the clock ticking away etc he has just got it in his head that we have to wait until after my exams are done, doesn't help that he is super stubborn!

Sure I will wear him down eventually!

You would have thought his mother who is 60 would want grandchildren as she coos over other babies etc!!


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## odd_socks

*men = stubborn*


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## rj84

Hi all, 
I'm 26, hubby 27, married for 2.5 years. 
Hubby been very reluctant to begin trying for about a year, but have finally come off the pill - still no true AF after 4 weeks - been on the CP for 8 years, can't really remember what my cycle was before and had only been have true AFs for less than 2 years. 
feeling very frustrated as have been broody for a long time! Hubby wanted to use other protection but have only done that once, even though he still says he doesn't want to try!! all very confusing - want a Yay or Nay - easier to get my head around!! We've got our own house, a supportive family and good jobs - just think he's scared!! Don't really want to share with others as everyone seems to be wondering why there's no pitter patter yet!


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## rj84

Twag said:


> I am in a similar position, we always agreed that once we got married we would start trying for a baby.
> 
> So we got married in Nov'10 and just before then I came off my pill as we both agreed and we decided to see what happens, but this his mother spoke to him about it and said we should wait until after I have finished my exams (I am studying ACCA whilst working and have 3 more exams which is another year), so now hubby has decided his mother is correct and that I would have no incentive to complete my exams if I was pregnant or have a baby, which i disagree with and I am not going back on the pill!
> 
> I am 30 he is 32, this year I will be 31! I am really worried that once we do start trying after my exams (last one December 2011) it will take a year to conceive and then I will be 33 before we have a child! This really worries me and is putting me under a lot of pressure to pass my exams when they are hard enough as it is!
> 
> I try talking to him to come around but nothing and it is making me very upset as I am so broody and our friends are having 2nd babies and my sisters :cry:
> 
> I just don't know what to do :shrug:

Oh I know how you feel! My OH is doing the ACCA, and like you won't be finished until the summer with luck, December if fail. MIL shouldn't get involved - I'm the other way my mum and MIL are desperate to become grandmas! The dropping of not so subtle hints make things worse as I'm so desperate to start TTC properly but he is still reluctant. I finally managed to come off the pill last month, but only if we started to use condoms. the thing is he's only used them once in the last month (and we're certainly not a once a month couple!) so I'm totally confused what he wants!!! We've been married for 2.5 years and I've always been on the side of broody but quite keen on TTC for over a year - one of the worst year's of my life! He just doesn't get it! and Babies babies everywhere!!! 
Baby dust to you! Sorry I can only sympathise not give any advise!!!


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## Augie

It's so, so hard. Sometimes I lay awake at night and just silently weep to myself. I try so hard not to pressure him, but it's challenging when the need is so profound for me. I find myself buying baby and pregnancy magazines and reading them and I just end up feeling tortured. He finally agreed on a date, so now I just have to wait until it's time to get off BC.


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## odd_socks

* i wish i could convince my OH to TTC now tbh  is so hard knowing im not getting any younger and the yearn for a baby is sooo strong  is horrible crying myself to sleep knowing i have no idea how long it will be untill he changes his mind *


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## aubreee

Oh it's so hard isn't it.....i wish my OH could feel this broody for just one day and then see how he deals with it...stupid hormones


But what I do to distract myself from that longing for a baby is thinking about all the things that i couldn't do when pregnant or when i have a LO

like right now i am enjoying a glass of wine and i enjoy it and tell myself... "see you would have to miss out on this for more than 9 months" and it makes me feel a tiny bit better

or I love hooping and aerial silks, but i know with a bump i wouldn't be able to do that, and so I go and enjoy doing that when the broodiness kicks in and it helps me

so maybe you have some things that you would have cut down on while preggers or a mummy and then go and enjoy them as some sort of broodiness-therapy ?!?

:hugs:


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## biliboi2

I notice that the opening poster is now expecting!


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## odd_socks

*oh yeah i didnt notice that *


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## loulou1979

Think I'm going to have to join you on here ladies!

I REALLY want to TTC again. I am so broody and my little girl isn't even 1 yet! My husband and I talked about dates for number 2 last year and agreed for me to be able to take the time off from work again we'd need to do some saving and that'd probably take us until next year. I've always taken that as us having a baby next year and hopefully being preg this year, he last night told me that he meant we're going to start TTC next year! 

I don't want to keep pushing back the years as I'm 32 in a few months and am getting worried my body won't perform! Plus, I really want a brother or sister for my little lady. Not to mention I loved being pregnant and miss it so much!

x x x


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## aubreee

biliboi2 said:


> I notice that the opening poster is now expecting!

oh yea true


now i am curious to hear how you convinced the hubby stargirl69!!!


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## Twag

Would love to know how she managed to convince the OH!!


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## oox_tasha_xoo

hiyaaa hun :) My OH was the same! was adament he didnt want to try for our second for another 3/4 years, but strangely enough last night he told me he felt we were ready to try for another!! so be patient he may suprise you soon enough! :hugs:

please ignor my signature im not pregnant :) i dont know how to get rid of it lol xx


oo sorrry didnt realise this thread was old!! :)


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## Scottishgem

I know how you feel, i would have a baby in a heartbeat but he thinks we should be sensible, we both have good jobs and some savings in the bank we rent as we live in london and we don't intend on buying until we move back to scotland when hubby's choice of work picks up there, so i have said i am not waiting till we buy our own house, also i fell like the clock is ticking as i turn 30 this year, he doesn't seem concerned about it as he turns 30 next year, i am concerned it may take a while and i really don't want to have any kids after 35 i wish men could see it as clear as we do.


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## stargirl69

Hi!

Surprised to find answers to this thread! It seems so long ago. We eventually came to a compromise - he wanted to wait until we were 30 I wanted to ttc at 28 so we agreed the year we turned 29 we would ttc. He is now a fantastic dad and loves his little boy - dotes on him so much and is very supportive. Had quite a tough time as waters broke at 28 weeks and baby came very early.


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## Twag

Congratulations on your son! glad you guys managed to come to some comprimise and it all worked out ok


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## t84

It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this. I know exactly how you all feel. I'm 26 and have been married for 3 years we've been together for a/b 7 years. We've always talked about kids and both agreed on having them before we were married. And since then, I haven't been in any rush to have kids, but now I truly feel like I'm ready. My hubby however isn't - well we've made several different "goals" and he has wiggled or should I say weaseled his way out of all of them. :growlmad:
It's too the point in which I cry during the day/night just from being soo frustrated!! I just don't know what to do.:shrug: He just won't commit to it I guess from being scared, but at some point we all have to grow up. Unfortunately I have to be the one to deal with a selfish man. It makes me so angry!


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