# Am I in the wrong (FOB keeps cancelling seeing them)



## baileybubs

Hi all,

Ok so I'm going to try not to rant here but I just want to know if I am in the wrong because my ex seems to think im being unreasonable and I want an unbiased opinion (my friends and family all think I am in the right but they would!).

I'll keep it as short as possible. Me and FOB split up 4 months ago when ds was 2 months old and dd 18 months old. It wasn't amicable as such but we didn't completely fall out, just didn't like each other in the end. He didn't love me any more and I was beginning to hate the way he behaved (gambling, drinking etc). Anyway, after the split I moved to my hometown for help with the kids and he was fine with this, even offered to help us move. It's only 30 mins on the motorway from where he is or 45 mins on a train so not that hard to get to so he can see the kids.
For the first couple of months I took the kids up to him once a week for him to see them at his parents as his house is unsuitable and he doesn't drive. He kept promising petrol money but never gave me any. So after a few weeks i said we should alternate and he could come on the train one week and have them at my house and I would just go out. But every time he was coming on the train he ended up late or cancelling. Then over Christmas he cancelled seeing them
3 weeks in a row, each time meaning letting them down and me having to cancel plans.
The last 5 weeks he has been late for 3 of them due to "eating something dodgy" and "missing the train". Last week he was sick again and just didn't come at all. Today he told me he was going for the train, then half an hour later phoned saying he seemed to have lost his last £10 whilst he was at the pub last night (apparently it must have fallen out of his pocket he claims) so can't afford the train.

So I have said im done helping him and bending over backwards for him to let them and me down every week. I've told him I won't drive them to him and he isn't allowed in my house. If he wants to see them he can come and get them and bring them back off his own steam. 

He seems to think that I am being unreasonable. 

What do you think? 

Oh and another note, for the first couple of months he also kept changing what day he had them meaning I had to keep rearranging stuff until January when I said he had to pick a day of the week and stick to it. 
Also the reason I couldn't drive them for most of January was coz my car needed repairing, and the last 2 weeks I have refused to drive them to him because he hasn't managed to come up on the train on time once since he said he would.


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## Rhio92

Npt being unreasonable at all, you've done more than enough for him! :hugs:


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## baileybubs

That's what I thought but he seems outraged that I expect him to come and pick them up, like its my responsibility to get them to him or allow him in my house. 
I don't understand how he can't see that it's up to him to make sure he can see his kids? I've told him he can have them whenever he wants but he has to pick them up.


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## baileybubs

Adding to this again as he's cancelled on them again and also hasn't paid any maintainance either, what would you do??

If I say he can't have them at my house and I won't drive them to him then is that technically me not letting him see them? If he took me to court would it look like I was being purposely awkward by doing this? He asked me if I would pick the up from his parents today if he took them there and I refused coz quite frankly I don't have the time or the money for the petrol and I've lost all my ability to help him any more coz he's let me down every single week by either cancelling or being late so I don't see why I should make his life easier.
But am I then just being nasty?? 

Part of me just wants to ignore him unless he says he'll come and pick them up or asks how they are, what would you do im at a loss now coz I don't want my kids missing out on seeing their dad but I'm sick of me always being the one to go out of my way (and pocket!!) so that they see him.


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## baileybubs

Anyone?


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## baileybubs

Nobody?


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## Meezerowner

He's defo the one in the wrong atm and should be making more of an effort to grow up and take responsibility for getting from A-B. Losing his last ten in the pub is beyond ridiculous and irresponsible. Why is he in the pub if he clearly only just afford the fare and is messing about with maintenance too.

Unfortunately unless you get something done officially to say when he is going to have them and who's responsible for the travel arrangements I imagine he is going to continue to jerk you around.

If it was decided officially I have heard that both parents often have to divide travel time equally, but I don't know if this is always true.

What would happen if you always did the dropping off to his and then he was responsible for bringing them back or vice versa?

Oh and if you don't wanna have him visit at your house then I reckon that's your choice and it's up for him to have somewhere safe to take his children if he wants access. 
I think you need to draw up a proper schedule and be clear on who is doing what transport-wise and if he doesn't stick to it then it's his loss.


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## Scout

I'd take him to mediation and have something official written up. Here (I'm in the US) I think it's typical that the mom drops off and the father brings them back. If he doesn't have the means to get them back to you, then I'd not take them to him. And all the canceling is going to do harm when they are older. (I spoke with a child/family counselor when I was pregnant with dd bc I wasn't sure what fob would want/do. She told me that no contact was better than broken promises, emotionally speaking, for the child.) Good luck.


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## Meezerowner

Scout said:


> She told me that no contact was better than broken promises, emotionally speaking, for the child.).

I'm so glad to hear that someone thinks this as it's totally the way I feel.

But a lot of people try and get FOB involved even when their heart just isn't in it or they are more interested in partying or worse. I can only imagine it is worse for these children that have an occasional parent who doesn't prioritise them and constantly lets them down. Heartbreaking.


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## baileybubs

This is the way I'm feeling at the moment about it, that no contact would be better than all this letting them down and broken promises. 
He just seems to think its ok to pick and choose when he can be bothered which is not fair on them (or me!)

Meez I have tried being fair with him, I've said I'll alternate weeks, one week I'll take them too him (and even pick him up en route) take them to his parents house as that's a safe environment for them and pick them up later, and then the alternate week he is to come on the train to my house and have them there for 4-5 hours whilst I go out. But whenever it was his week to come to me he turned up late or cancelled, then my car broke and it was as if he just couldn't be bothered.
He messaged me last night asking if he could have them Thursday and if I could pick them up from his parents if he took them there, but it's too late to ask me that now coz I have plans on Thursday teatime, I don't have time to be picking them up. He doesn't seem to understand that I can't just wait around for him to decide if he is or isn't going to have them without planning my life, and now he thinks im being awkward coz I said no but I'm not changing my plans for him. For the last 3 Wednesday's I've not made plans with the kids just plans for me (dentist etc) and he's not shown up. Now this week he's decided he wants to see them a completely different day and just expects that I can just swap all my plans around. 

I don't know what else to do coz he thinks im being unreasonable yet won't for one second consider things from my point of view or even acknowledge that he can't be so inconsistent and keep letting us down.


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## tallybee

Gosh you've been so much more than reasonable hun. He's ridiculous. If he wants to see the kids he needs to make the effort. You're doing everything for them the entire rest of the time!

Mediation might be the way to go for now. I would also keep a log of everything. This helped me loads when fob tried to make up lies and make legal threats.

No contact IS better than constant let downs inconsistencies and messing about. 

All the best hun. You've obviously got your children's wellbeing top priority so just keep doing what you're doing x


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## nicki01

Hiya, was hoping you were ok, haven't seen you about here for a while. 
I think your being more than fair, if it were me I would say, you can see them on day 'x' or 'x' at these times and you collect them and drop them home. I think you need to make the decisions and put them straight to him. Give him a few different times and days but make him pick one and that stays the same every week, no changing or messing about if he is more than half an hour late then don't bother coming as you will do something with them instead of them waiting around for him. Obviously if it was an occasional late train or something and he lets you know then fair enough but it sounds like he is being a prize idiot and taking the piss!


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## baileybubs

Thanks ladies glad it's not just me that thinks he needs to do more. He makes me feel so bad like I am the one stopping him seeing them. 
He came this week and for once was on time but then was texting me at 2 mins to 3pm asking where my mum was (I was out so my mum was taking over). My mum then said he was stood on my driveway waiting for my mum to get home when she got back at 3.05 and he just left before she even got her coat off and mumbled something about how they'd both had some toast. 
Honestly I don't want him in my house with his attitude and behaviour. Before he came (baring in mind he swapped days and I had plans on the day he wanted them) he had a go at me coz I reminded him I couldn't drop him back off at the train station at 3pm (his train wasn't til 3.25 and I live 5 mins from the station). His words to me were "you didn't tell me you couldn't run me back" (like it's expected I will!!) and when I said I told you I had plans he said "well I suppose I'll have to walk then" but then he booked a taxi! 
And the only reason he was leaving at that time was coz that's when my mum was coming home, he didn't have anywhere he needed to be so if he'd missed that train it wouldn't matter if he'd just got the next one.

He's just such a rude, selfish little child and I don't know what to do. Apparently his parents also think im being unfair making him come to my town every week but that's only coz he couldn't play fair and kept being late and cancelling.
I honestly speak to him now and wonder where the hell the loving father of my children went coz i don't know the man he is now.


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## tallybee

:hugs: 

Of course his parents will be agreeing with him, odds are that he's been feeding them whiny crap about how unfair it all is. You don't need to worry about that though, you're being more than reasonable and it'll all come out inthe wash. People won't want to listen to his whining forever xx


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## baileybubs

I just dont get how they think I am being unfair, its only a short train journey that costs £10.80 return, all their stuff is at my house coz he hasnt bought them anything recently, my son still naps twice a day so surely its easier him being somewhere where there is a cot for him, I have all the food they like and can eat at my house as well as their double pram that wont fit in the boot of my car so he cant take to his!! He doesnt even have any nappies for them at his parents so I have to pack up a shit load of stuff, drive 40 mins down the motorway, drop them off, drive back home only to go and pick them up again 3 hours later. All costing me about £15-£20 in petrol that he never gives me any money for!!! Plus the fact that he keeps trying to pick and choose day and time and keeps cancelling when he's "eaten something dodgy". 
I know he's their son so they are on his side but surely they can see that logically it makes more sense to have them at my house seen as he cant drive to pick them up and refuses to have them for more than 4 hours at a time coz he's so "busy"!!

This week I am guessing he's not seeing them at all seen as I havent heard from him since he last saw them and when I messaged asking about any money he has completely ignored me again. This is the fifth week now with no money and now they are starting nursery and I am paying for that all until tax credits comes through, as well as providing the roof over their heads, food, clothes and nappies as well as everything else they want and need, working as many hours as i can manage to fit in around child care and my parents babysitting, and he cant even give me £50 a week for them or spare the time to even ask me how they are!!!!

Sorry but I am so pissed off today and its really starting to annoy me that some men can just get away with this and yet somehow I am being made out to be the bad guy in all of this.


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## taylor197878

to be honest u have been very fair and he is acting like a selfish child, have u tried a lawyers for his access u can give dates times and where and if he breaks it least u have went the legal route. a went through the lawyers with my ex.... it will take some off the stress off you plus u will get loads of legal advice to help u ,,,


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## baileybubs

I'm thinking of doing that Taylor coz it's getting ridiculous now. He messaged me back last night after I asked about a tenner he owes me (which he said he'd pay back last week, and yep more fool me for lending him it) and he said "I said you'll get it Friday". Which he didn't, that's when he said he'd give me maintainence money. But that's all I got from him, he didn't ask about the kids or say he was having them this week at all. I was tempted to message asking but I give up, I'm not messaging him any more coz he's only rude to me in his reply and usually he's telling me a load of bullshit anyway. 

If I go to a solicitor will I be able to state that I want him to have them on set days and times then? Coz that's my problem he keeps messing me about.


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## tallybee

Yes if you go through solicitor they will most probably try to set up a visitation agreement which would have set days and times and importantly a place for contact to happen. These times etc would be by mutual agreement, and put in writing - "set in stone" if you like. There would be room for manoevre once established but it would be set.

This is the way I had to do it several years ago seeing as fob was messing about and letting my daughter down. he was unable to keep to the agreement (monthly!) and it broke down after only a few months, but at least I was able to show I had tried. I kept a journal of everything as well - he later tried to say WE had stopped turning up :saywhat: but his lies don't get him anywhere. He hasn't seen her for years now, as he's never been able to communicate without vileness and can't even turn up when he says.

Sorry you're going through this, it's shit, I can totally empathise as I've been there.


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## CandyDay

Talk to a solicitor and see what they say about scheduling visits etc and once you have the answers then decide if that is what you want to do or not. Just because you go and ask a solicitor questions doesn't mean you have to carry thru with them. But at least then you would have the answers you need to decide what is best for your children.


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## taylor197878

yeah he can always still not turn up but least u have the lawyers help and u have tried everything to make it possible to c his kids its him thats letting them down and thats not fair on the kids.. 

they will ask what days he is to get and the times, a did that and a stopped all contact with my ex and changed my number he had the dates and times to c his kids he didnt need to talk to me i did that for a good year a did make the mistake of giving him my number and he abused it by nasty texes so a changed it again.

cut all ties with him no lending him money no talking to him and go through a lawyer and set the days and times and keep a diary of when he doesnt turn up and give that to ur lawyer and he can then give u more advice on how to deal with it, it does relive alot of stress.4

if ever want to ask me anything feel free to pm as i have been through it all with my ex...


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## tallybee

Aye as Taylor says the solicitor route is good as all contact can go through them as well. Rather than having the waters muddied by trying to sort things and it ending up with miscommunication / disagreement etc.


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## baileybubs

I think that's what I'm going to do, he cancelled on them again last week, and only gave me £100 over the last 7 weeks and just keeps saying that he doesn't have any more money. I'm not one of those mothers that demands money but he's taking the mickey out of me coz he apparently proposed to his girlfriend recently and surely that means he must have bought her a ring? Even if he didn't he seems to think that it's ok to just say he has no money and that's it, like I can just get away with not financially supporting my kids like that, I don't think so!!! He even said to me "I don't have a superpower you know I cant shit money" yet somehow he seems to think that I can because he has happily been leaving me to pay for everything for our children. 

So after 2 weeks of the kids being sick and him just saying "aw bless hope they get better" whenever I told him, and more promises of money he hasn't given me then cancelling seeing them last week he now messages asking what time he's having them tomorrow. I've told him he can pick them up at 9am and he's now kicking off coz I won't let him have them at my house or drop them off coz apparently he only has £15 which isn't enough for him to get the train here and back and then again later to bring them back. 

Even though I know he's acting like an irresponsible child I somehow still feel like the bad guy!


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## daneuse27

Don't feel like the bad guy. He is the one letting down his kids, and putting other priorities before them. I can't believe he'd be proposing to this girl after only knowing her for a few months. Secondly, I can't believe she'd accept - I could never feel attracted to a man who lets his kids down like that. For all we know though, he could be making you out to look like the bad guy. It sounds like he is good at turning things around to make them look like your fault and that is why you are questioning yourself - which you shouldn't.

If he's so so broke, he should get an additional part time job. There are endless ways to earn a sign income. Since the kids aren't with him 24/7 (or hardly ever) he has the flexibility in his life to do that.

I would tell him that his money problems are not your problem and that you don't want to hear it anymore. You expect him to figure out how he is going to provide for kids children and be apart of their life, and thats your only concern.

I would go the court order route, for sure. He sounds very irresponsible and I just wouldn't trust him, based on everything you've written.


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## baileybubs

Thanks hun, well he ended up arguing with me on Wednesday, called me f***ing childish because I wasn't replying to him, then said to me "im having the kids at your house and that's final" to which I just told him he was crazy if he thought speaking to me like ghag was going to get me to allow him in my house!! Eventually he started being polite and saying please but I just stuck to it and said he could pick them up but wasn't allowed in my house and I wasn't dropping them off for him. Several times he asked again if he could have them at my house (and if I would pick him up at the train station!!!) but I said no. 

He has now said that he will arrange a lift for next week, but I've told him I don't want his girlfriend picking them up, purely because she's only 18 and has only been driving 6 months, when my kids cry when im driving on the motorway I know how distracting that can be so I really don't feel comfortable if she's the driver, does that seem fair? I have no problem with her spending time with the kids I just remember how scary motorway driving is in the first year after passing.
I've also told him he will need to buy car seats for them coz if they have a bump or get damaged and I have let him borrow mine I know he won't replace them and I need them on a daily basis. Does that seem fair too? 

He has said fine to all of it (well actually he text me "k" because he's a child and can't atring a sentence together). And also says he's paying me what he owes me today but I highly doubt that will happen.


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## Snow Owl

Does he work hun? I hate to say it but have you thought about CSA? :( They would at least get the cash off him.

If you gr through court they will set up regular access and he will get in trouble if he misses them. Also it's not your job to supply nappies etc when he's with them!!


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## baileybubs

Yeah he works, that's usually his excuse for cancelling seeing the kids, says he has to work. I'm phoning them on Monday because he once again didn't gove me any money. He claims he hasn't been paid from his old job so just said "what do you want me to do, I can't magic up money" yet he expects me to magic up all the money needed to care for our children it's a joke.
He doesn't even seem to think he is doing anything wrong, he just says it's his old jobs fault and that's it, like it isn't his responsibility to provide for his children. If he's not getting paid from work (which is BS if you ask me) then he should ask someone to help him out and at least offer me some money, im sure his parents would help. 

And as for cancelling seeing them, he just says "well I have to work what am I supposed to do?" But here I am having to call in sick from work because my dd's nursery says she's showing signs of conjunctivitis so has to leave (turns out she didn't have it either!). He doesn't seem to understand how being a parent means you have to tell your boss that your kids are more important and if it's your day to have them you can't just cancel.


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## baileybubs

Sorry for yet another post about him but I need advice again. He's messaged me asking what time is he picking the kids up tomorrow so ive asked how he's got enough money seen as he hadn't been paid (his excuse for not giving me any money was that he hadn't been paid). He said he got paid a little and had to pay his rent so just has enough to pick them up and drop them off. So I asked if he had bought nappies and formula, because why should I provide it when he can't even give me a penny to support his kids. He said he'll buy some tomorrow, so he has more money than he said. 
He then said his friend might be picking them up with him, so I asked if he had bought car seats and he said no im using yours and your pram. 
I told him no coz I just paid £120 for new car seats so why should I lend them to him. 

Am I right? I feel like I'm being a cow! But I know he's just lying to me, and I also know he could borrow money off his parents if he said it was to help support his kids, just until he did get paid but he won't coz that excuse is crap and he won't ever be able to pay them back. 

I feel like I'm being one of those mums that stops the dad seeing his kids, but im not stopping him, im just making him step up and not helping him out any more, or that's what I think anyway, am I right?? Don't be afraid to tell me if I'm in the wrong


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## CandyDay

If he wants to be able to see them then he needs to provide for them. He should have the stuff he needs to pick them and take care of them for however long he has them. IE car seats, diapers, formula, food, toys etc. He shouldn't expect you to give him everything he needs to take care of them if he is unwilling to regularly give you support each month for them.
If he was regularly sending support payments you would be able to trust him more and would probably be more likely to let him use the car seats. As you would know he would return them in good condition. As things stands you have no reason to believe he would give them back as he keeps telling you one thing and then doing another when you ask him about money.


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## baileybubs

Thanks hun, that's what I'm thinking, if he genuinely has had very little money recently (which is BS) he could have just offered me a little, just something and sending proper apologies to me or not keep promising money and not giving me any. If he was sincere or in any way grown up then I might be more willing to lend him the car seats or drive them to him but he just ignores me and then says he hasn't been paid so it's tough. I bet he still buys his cigarettes though. 

I tried to compromise a little by saying he could come and visit them for an hour or two and maybe take them out for a walk or something but he didn't reply til gone 1pm (probably when he woke up coz he was probably hungover). And when he did reply he all of a sudden couldn't come up today and wants to come tomorrow, when ive told him a million times they go to nursery on a Thursday and now he's ignoring me again.


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## Scout

I honestly don't know how you do it. You've not got 2 kids, you've got 3! I'd go to mediation or something and get everything in writing and make him stick to it. And no, you don't need to supply him with anything or let him borrow yours. Geesh. Seriously, you are so much nicer than I would be at this point :wacko:


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## baileybubs

Just a quick update, I conceded and offered to allow him to have the kids at my house and on the morning he sent me a message saying he was sick and couldn't make it. The following week I asked him if he had car seats and he said yes but then asked me to drive them to him which of course I said no to, and then the last 2 weeks he hasn't even bothered making an excuse. I have called CSA and he has now allegedly lost his job, and when I questioned him on why he never sees his kids and didn't even bother seeing his daughter for her birthday a month ago he said to me "if you weren't so hell bent on getting petrol money from me you could have driven them up here to see me". 

So now I am no longer going to reply to his messages with anything except that the kids are fine and speak to a solicitor because at this point I no longer even trust him to be able to look after them without being supervised as he hasn't even seen them for 3 months. If he wants to make an effort I will arrange supervised visitations at a children's centre up to a point I feel he really wants to be in their lives and canbe trusted with them but if he doesn't make the effort then they just won't see him. 

I have also got a new job which is more money but during weekdays so I need to have them in nursery as I can't rely on him to turn up and have them anyway. 

For anyone reading this who is having issues with their ex that are similar please contact CSA now. Ignore the promises of money etc, I was promised money for months and he never had any intention of giving me any,so far it's been 4 weeks since I contacted CSA and they still haven't got anywhere so contact them asap. And for anyone who is being messed about and having their kids let down, set out ground rules and stick to them. I let my ex even pick which day he wanted to see the kids and he still didn't show up. I felt (and still sometimes do feel) guilty because my kids don't see their dad and I know if I just drive them to him they'd get to see him, but I realised that he doesn't genuinely want to make effort as their father and they deserve better than that.


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## Meezerowner

Good for you I reckon you have taken a good step there.

Defo not appropriate for him to have such sporadic contact.... 3 months is just too long.

Don't feel guilt it is all on him and you can't force him to have regular contact and a decent relationship if he just doesn't want to or is unable because he is selfish. 

If it were me I would send him a message saying you are getting a new phone and if he wants to contact a solicitor then he knows your postal address for future arrangements. Maybe a bit drastic though lol.

Anyway good luck with CMS/CSA they took a few months for us. I can't remember now I think it was 5 months before I got any money through. Edit to add it was nearly 6 months just checked!


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## baileybubs

Well seen as he wont answer the phone to them and he's apparently lost his job now Im not holding my breath for any money any time soon!

He doesn't even bother contacting me via phone he uses Facebook to message me. I was going to block him so he can't send any messages either lol. Apparently me and his kids aren't worth the credit for his phone to text or call.


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## daneuse27

I wouldn't block him from Facebook as he could potentially one day turn that around to make it look like you shut him out (even though we know that's not the case here.) It's just something he can use against you in the future if he ever wanted to. He may eventually decide he wants to be in his kid's life again, after months or even years of not putting effort in and that is HIS choice - you've done everything you can do. However, it sounds like he has a tendency to blame problems on you and you don't want him to have even the slightest evidence against you if you were to ever end up in court.

What you could do instead is remove him as a friend, and that way any messages can be sent to your 'other' folder and you don't have to read them right away.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, keep strong for your 2 adorable children :flower:


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## Meezerowner

daneuse27 said:


> I wouldn't block him from Facebook as he could potentially one day turn that around to make it look like you shut him out (even though we know that's not the case here.) It's just something he can use against you in the future if he ever wanted to. He may eventually decide he wants to be in his kid's life again, after months or even years of not putting effort in and that is HIS choice - you've done everything you can do. However, it sounds like he has a tendency to blame problems on you and you don't want him to have even the slightest evidence against you if you were to ever end up in court.
> 
> What you could do instead is remove him as a friend, and that way any messages can be sent to your 'other' folder and you don't have to read them right away.
> 
> It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, keep strong for your 2 adorable children :flower:

I do sort of agree that the OP would want to seem helpful re. the FOB having access. But I don't think it's unreasonable to block an Ex on social media. I think a lot of people would want a clean break from an Ex and FB has nothing to do with the children as it's not their account.

I wouldn't have a problem blocking an Ex from FB because it is a useful medium for trouble. Spiteful/ game playing messages are easy to post on FB. But everyone has a different relationship with their Ex or FOB. I am happily friends with one of my Exs but I have FOB blocked and anyone associated with him blocked.

I'm not suggesting that OP should do it necessarily just I don't think a court would hold it against her if she didn't want to be linked to FOB on social media.

In cases where the FOB is "difficult" sometimes it's better to get legal advice and have the point of contact being the solicitor. It might even make him realise that he does want a meaningful and regular relationship with his kids.


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## baileybubs

He's managed to go a step further now ladies. We used to have a joint account and he had his smart phone linked to my bank card so that he could buy apps and games etc. For the last few months we were together he was spending getting on for £100 in a month on so called games (personally I think it was a gambling app). Anyway yesterday I had money go off my card that was through the Google App Store and it was him!!! It was only £4 but after phoning my bank there's £10 worth of pending payments to the Google App Store. It's not a great deal of money but now not only is he not paying child support but he's actually stolen some of my money! Anyway I've cancelled my card and they are sending me a new one which means he can't do it again but I'm so glad I noticed as soon as I did. 

I asked him about it despite me not wanting to talk to him and he says it was accidental and he'll pay me back on Friday. I queried it as he hasn't got a job so how can he pay me back and he said he'd lent his mate £10 and he was paying it back. It's just crap that,he's either lying or apparently he can afford to lend his mate £10 but not afford to pay child support. I wondering if his work are paying him cash in hand or something so he can avoid paying CSA. 

I really worry about my sense of judgement that I was with this guy for 4 years and had 2 children with him! How could I have been so stupid to not see what he was really like? Or perhaps I just ignored it in hope his good side would prevail!


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## daneuse27

Don't beat yourself up about it, you're not the first person to pick someone who doesn't turn out to be who you hope for them to be and you won't be the last. I know this is tough now but you are the rock of your family and you're holding it together. Your kids will be proud of you one day. I hope he pays you back the money and begins paying child support regularly. Once there is a legal order in place, hopefully you won't have to do as much policing and arguing as you have to these days.


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