# Regrets.. please help



## flower94

Ok well my daughter is 11 months old and I'm REALLY NOT parenting her the way I would like to :(
Back when she was born up until around 5 months I practiced natural parenting and I was so happy I knew it was how my children should be raised. I coslept, practiced babywearing, breastfeed(until 3 months when I got low supply from stress and had no clue how to bring it back up), and used cloth nappies and wipes. I also planned on using amber teething necklaces and doing gentle discipline(as I don't beleive in spanking). 
Well I pretty much got kicked out of my house by my mom when my daughter was 5 months old.. and so I went to live with my boyfriend. He told me I was absolutely not allowed to bring cloth nappies or wipes.. sposies it would be. He made me start putting her in a crib and screaming herself to sleep.. and I'd cry because I hated it and try and go grab her put he wouldn't let me. He thinks babywearing is dumb and spoiling a kid so I had to quit tghat also. As for gentle discipline..
Definately not happening if I'm living with him!! He's been making me slap her hand when she does something he doesn't like since she was 7 months old.. and if I don't do it he will.. and he slaps hard.. her hand gets slapped anytime she throws something off her tray or when she tries to teeth on the metal part of our tub..:growlmad:
He also says that when shes a year old we have to start spanking...:cry:
I don't know what to do.. because of this new style of parenting I've been forced into I don't feel close to my daughter.. just constantly frustrated and I hate it..
I wish I could leave but I have no license, I can't move back to my moms even though shell now let me.. because I have a job in my bf's town which is 45 minutes from where my mom lives.. I'd have a hard time raising a kid on my own since I only make 9 dollars an hour as a CNA(nurses assistant):cry:
I don't know what to do I wish things could change, I feel like such a terrible mom for letting this happen:growlmad:


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## lozzy21

Sorry but no one can make you do anything you dont want to, Refuse to do it and tell him if he dose it you will be ringing the police to report him for child abuse.


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## punk_pig

Why is this man even your boyfriend??
Whatever your parenting style, "disciplining" a child for teething is cruel and pointless. Move back in with your Mum and travel 45 mins if you need the job (many of my jobs have taken an hour and a half to get to just because of traffic).
Would your boyfriend respond to being educated on a few things by a professional (thinking health visitor in Uk, not sure who it would be stateside)?


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## shiner

Why would a $9/hr job keep you in a miserable situation that you feel is hurting your child? Your "friend" sounds abusive and controlling. I think you are posting because you know these things already. You can get a $9/hr job anywhere. Even a day in an unhealthy environment for your daughter is too much. Even if you have to take a pay cut... Is a couple $ worth your baby getting hit when you don't agree with it?


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## flower94

I wouldn't be able to get to work since i have no license... and he's my bf.. I honestly don't know why.. :(
And i dont think hed listen to a professional.. i could be wrong though.. he's so stubborn and he thinks his way is always right..


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## c.m.c

didnt want to read and run--- call your mum and read your 1st post to her--- think down the line if you LO was in this situation- you would love her to call you for help


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## punk_pig

flower94 said:


> I wouldn't be able to get to work since i have no license...

Sorry I missed that bit. Thought it was 45 mins by public transport.
Quit the job then, this isn't just a question of differing parenting styles, your child is being hit for doing things "wrong" at an age where she only just learned to sit upright for gods sake!!


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## shiner

Do they not have buses? What about a bicycle? I used to bike to work. Is there not a neighbor that you might carpool with? Craigslist is also a good place to find a carpool in your area. Why can't you get a license? The cost is $8? 

It is hard to see a situation when you are the one on it, but here is the answer... Get to your mom's, get a license so that you are more in control of your life and don't stay with a person who is hurting your child because you are not self-reliant, get a job (any, gas station, grocery bagged) and save up. Move into a cheap but safe apartment near work and get a better job as a CNA. Never look back at the controlling jerk.


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## fluffpuffin

:hugs: - if you aren't allowed to give your baby the care and upbringing that you would like her to have whilst you live there and you are basically bullied into hitting her it sounds like there's some element of domestic abuse going on. Neither you nor your baby should be in this situation. I would risk losing the job if it means getting away from a potential detrimental situation for your baby. Plus, think, if he has no problem hitting your baby then you might be next. :(


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## louandivy

:hugs: If you don't mind me asking why did your mum make you leave? What your boyfriend is doing is awful, you sound like you are a loving mummy so please don't let him bully and control you into doing things that you don't agree with :( If you told your mum what he was doing would she let you come back? I am so so sorry you are going through this but you have to do something to change it, what your boyfriend is doing is very very wrong :(


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## louandivy

Okay sorry I have just seen that your mum will let you move back in. Screw the job hun, could she lend you money for a while? I really think you are in a very unhealthy situation and I'm sorry but your boyfriend sounds horrible.


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## Rachel_C

I'm sorry things are so hard for you. But your daughter needs YOU to protect her from this awful man. She can't do it for herself and he clearly isn't about to change any time soon. I have no idea how difficult it would be for you to leave but honestly, you need to. If that means living at your mum's and taking the worst paid job there is, you need to do that. She's 11 months old, I think that's the age when you REALLY need to think about how you are going to parent her for the rest of her life. If you can change it now, you can repair any damage that has been done. Leave it much longer and I don't know if you will be able to :(


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## flower94

I think Ill look for apartments or cheap housing in the town work is in and get a bike... mom kicked me out because I wanted to go to a college she didn't like and basically was growing up too fast(im 17).. i guess she was mad at the time. 
No license because of severe vision problems :(.. no public transport for 45 minutes away.. i live in iowa and basically its a bunch of small towns with highways between towns..
Thanks for the replies even tho a few just made me feel sort of crappy.


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## kmac625

I noticed in your ticker that you've only been with your boyfriend for 7 months, so I'm assuming he isn't your daughter's father. His opinion when it comes to raising YOUR daughter is irrelevant, especially as he's a complete ass about it. Sorry that hearing this makes you feel bad, but it's the truth and you need to hear it. Could you go on some type of assistance temporarily until you can get on your feet again when you leave? I don't know how the system works in the US, but I would think that a single teen mom would qualify for some kind of help. Good luck to you hun. You know what's best for your daughter and it's up to you to make sure she gets it.


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## lovealittle1

Lots of great advice from everyone. I know that it is hard to hear the truth when you are in this situation :hugs: you and your baby deserve better. Get far far away from your boyfriend. He doesn't deserve either of you. Move back to your moms or go on assistance. Please keep us updated.


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## Kate&Lucas

flower94 said:


> I think Ill look for apartments or cheap housing in the town work is in and get a bike... mom kicked me out because I wanted to go to a college she didn't like and basically was growing up too fast(im 17).. i guess she was mad at the time.
> No license because of severe vision problems :(.. no public transport for 45 minutes away.. i live in iowa and basically its a bunch of small towns with highways between towns..
> *Thanks for the replies even tho a few just made me feel sort of crappy*.

Okay, I'm sorry for your situation and it must be very difficult to be in your position - but can you really not understand peoples' reactions to this?
No-one is trying to make you feel crap, you've being given really good advice based on the information you posted - but there is still a clear vibe of shock going through the replies and I share it. I'm sure you do to, as you posted looking for help in this. What is happening is OUT OF ORDER - as Lozzy said, it is child abuse. I don't know what the law is like where you are, but over here hitting a 7 month-old baby is illegal.

Only you know what you need to do to get both of you out of this. I've been sitting here trying to think of how to type this without sounding judgemental (and believe me I know what it's like to be in a controlling relationship so I am NOT judging you) - but at the minute there's a place at your mum's. From what it sounds, you and your daughter will be safe there.. however the only thing holding you back seems to be your job. Again I only know the system over here, so I don't know what kind of help you'd get or how easy it would be to get another job nearer your mum's, but at the end of the day there's your job on one end of the scale and your daughter's safety on the other.. IYGWIM?

I hope you can work something out hun. But seriously take in some of the advice from these ladies, no-one is trying to make you feel bad I think there's just a general feeling of disbelief at the situation you're lumbered with and some things can seem more abrupt than they're meant to. :hugs:


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## StarlitHome

:hugs: 
Sweetheart, you're 17 and you have a beautiful baby daughter. This guy is not worth it. He's not your daughter's father and you need to get out of there.
There must be something you can get, some kind of help, as a single teenage mother. And if your mom is offering you a place to live where you and your daughter are safe, TAKE IT.
Please, sweet girl. Listen to the advice being given. A $9 per hour job is not worth your safety and the safety of your gorgeous little girl.
:hugs:


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## emsy

forget the job !!! jobs come and go you will be able to find another, where as you only have one chance at bringing up your lo, your los safety and well being is more important than any job or man!!! go back to your mums find a job close by and do what's best for your lo!! your bf sounds like a very manipulative and controlling man bodi agree that if he has no problems in smacking a baby, how far would he be willing to go. do what is best for you both and don't let this man push you around :hugs:


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## Sarahwoo

I agree with the others honey, go back to your mums, you have to think long term and if your boyfriend is hitting your lo now I hate to think what he will be like with a toddler etc. Please do the best thing by your lo and move back to your mums. 

You can get another job, but you lo can't get another childhood :hugs: 

You are obviously an excellent mummy because you realise how wrong your boyfriend is. Put you and your lo first, move out, bring her up your way.


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## veganmum2be

forget the job, and the 'man' and run, or you'll forever regret it and look at your daugter with guilt i would imagine.
if not for your sake just for hers. 
tell your mum exactly what you have said here, and go back to her? money isnt everything i'd imagine you'd be able to find some other job to tide you over? 
:hugs:


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## Parkep

I am not from this section, but i wanted to comment hope you ladies dont mind :flower:

Hun, you need to get out. Plain and simple call in sick to work if you need to, move to your moms then figure out how to get to work and assistance. I am not too sure what you expected all the ladies to say. They are not trying to make you feel bad about your self. But giving advice which is what you are looking for right? If you read this thread about a different lady what would you type?


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## nadinek

what kind of a sick @#^%$* hits a little baby? get out, he is abusing her and you should not let it happen. i'd rather be on the streets with my girls than have some monster hitting them.


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## Tulip

Nothing more to add than what the girls have already said. This man is cruel and both you and your beautiful girl deserve better. Please go home to mum and be safe :hugs:


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## Kota

Your 'man' is an arse. and not a real man at all. Take yourself, and your beautiful, sweet innocent daughter and get as far away from him as you can. Smacking a BABY for doing something she has absolutely NO control over is abuse, pure and simple. I'm sorry, but if he's prepared to do that now, it scares me to think about what he'll do in 12months time when she's a proper toddler and really starts to push boundries. :(

YOU need to do whats best for your daughter here, you're the only person she has in the world to protect and look out for her. Please put her first and keep her safe.


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## CouldThisBeIt

Sweetie-I think that you need to be back with your mum. I'm not saying you cannot parent, but I think that the trouble is that your boyfriend is trying to parent YOU. He is controlling you and pushing you around. He has no right to do that. Is he older than you are? He sounds like he is making out that he knows better.

You will benefit from your mum's support to get back on your feet. There are always jobs for a CNA. You need to find something in your mum's town, so that you can be back there. She'll let you parent as you choose to, and to repair the bond with your daughter. 

I hope you can work this out hunny x


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## Kota

Aw hun, I've gone off to do some sewing and your post keeps running through my mind. It makes me really sad that he's got you in a situation that is not only potentially harmful to your daughter, but is making you feel horrible about how you parent her. :hugs:
This will possibly also make you feel crappy but I feel it needs to be said, so. 
I really think you need to sit down and think about how much this guy means to you. Is he the man you're going to spend the rest of your life with with? Can you still see yourself together in 5, 10, 15yrs time? Because, tbh, you're really young, and while that may have absolutely no bearing on the sort of mother you are/can be, (and by the sounds of it, you need to be given huge praises for how you started out) it is certainly likely to have a bearing on the sorts of relationships, and the differences in the men you are with now, and the ones you want to be with when you're 30. and while the men may come and go, your daughter will always be there with you, and you while you will be able to look back at the relationships and be thankful you got out of them at the time, You'll never be able to change the way you interact with your daughter in these first few precious years. They learn SO much about human interaction, their self worth, and how people respond to them during the first couple of years, its hardwired into their brains for the rest of their lives. 

Please take your daughter and go back to your mums, another job will come along, no job is worth what you're both going through. take her back, cuddle her, have her sleep in your bed, wear her as much as you both want, and know in years to come you'll be able to look back and have absolutely no regrets about the way you raised right from the start. :hugs:


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## flower94

Well I called my mom and she basically told me to sit down with the bf and have a nice long "chat" with him before I decide anything.. maybe I can sway his views on things.. I kind of doubt it though.. 
He has been hitting her hand a lot less then he used to these past couple weeks because when he does I pick her up and take her outside.. he used to say spanking starts as soon as they turn 1.. last night I told him hitting is wrong..
he looked at me kind of funny and said fine but i'm still slapping her hand if she sticks her fingers in an outlet(we got the safety things to cover them but she figured out how to take them off)


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## aliss

You need to speak with a domestic violence shelter. Even if he is not hitting you, you obviously feel "controlled" or emotionally abused.

Please, please stop allowing this man to strike your child. My father physically abused me. To this day, and I'm 27, I am still angry at my mother for allowing someone to hurt me because she did not have the self-esteem to take me away. 

You are the only one who can protect your child and if you fail to do that.. then this child has no hope for anyone to help.


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## Hayley90

:( How awful for you both. (you and LO, not him!)

He sounds like a dick tbh, why would he immediately dictate to you how you parent YOUR child. I could understand a small amount if he was her father, but he isnt? So its not in his legal remit, let alone socially acceptable for him to do so!

Im a tad blunt, but id tell him where to stick it, id stick your job, and id move back to your Mums house - then find your feet and parent the way you want to. 

It doesn't have to be like this, and you should not have to compromise with someone who insists on physically harming your baby when you do not want them to. 

its one thing switching from cloth to disposable, but hitting her, and affecting her bond with you is not on, and its not his 'job' to dictate that to you. xxxx


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## Fifi61467

I hate to say it as I'm sure you love him but I feel his behaviour is unacceptable. You need to put lo first and if that means leaving him you need to find the strength to do it. He sounds like he is controlling you both and this could get worse as she gets older. I would go while you can


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## lovealittle1

Does your mom know about his behavior?? I really think that you need to get away from this situation. You know it's not right. He should have never even hit her once!!! Please do this for your daughter if not for any other reason.


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## purpledahlia

Sorry not read all the replies, 

BUT

this is not a healthy relationship and is actually a form of domestic abuse, hes controlling you and your child and making you, forcing you to do things you dont want to? and at the expense of your child?? You need to get out of there fast before your child or you get seriously hurt. This guy sounds a bit nuts and unpredicable and its not healthy. Move to your mums and if you loose the job well, at least your child will be happy safe and secure untill you find another job.


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## purpledahlia

Ok read a bit more, if any man boyfriend or family member laid a finger on my baby id be outta there in a shot. When he's out, PLEASE please move. asap.


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## StarlitHome

flower94 said:


> Well I called my mom and she basically told me to sit down with the bf and have a nice long "chat" with him before I decide anything.. maybe I can sway his views on things.. I kind of doubt it though..
> He has been hitting her hand a lot less then he used to these past couple weeks because when he does I pick her up and take her outside.. he used to say spanking starts as soon as they turn 1.. last night I told him hitting is wrong..
> he looked at me kind of funny and said fine but i'm still slapping her hand if she sticks her fingers in an outlet(we got the safety things to cover them but she figured out how to take them off)

I don't think a "chat" is going to help. And anyone who will slap an 11-month-old goes on my red-flag list. 
Please, please get out of there.


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## flower94

I have a job interview in my moms town next monday now.


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## Hayley90

good, im so pleased you have something to possibly go back there to.

Please understand that no one here is picking you apart, or being mean - he really is being a dick, and he is controlling you both. 

A man who beats a child is not a man, he is scum. I was raised by one. Believe me, kids dont forget, and fear doesnt vanish until the person who hurts them does. x


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## purpledahlia

flower94 said:


> I have a job interview in my moms town next monday now.

Great, only a few days away. If you get it will you move straight away? 

Agree with hayley, some replies including mine may be blunt but its not in a nasty way, im seriously concerned and really really really hope you can move and get this idiot out your lives. Your baby doesnt need to be slapped and IF anyone was to, it should be you and nobody else. ( not saying you would or should but just making a point nobody should be doing anything like that with you child apart from you! ) He needs a reality check for sure and he isnt worth having in your life. Hitting a baby?? These things start small, they escalate and get worse and then suddenly you cant get out of it, get out while you can, please! your baby deserves the upbringing you were giving before moving to his house. :hugs:


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## Hayley90

If he thinks spanking a 1 year old is ok, what does he deem appropriate for a 5 year old? a 10 year old? 

I have seen boys being punched by their dads before, i wonder if that is how they started. 

I hate threads like this... I dont want your little baby to be unhappy like i was. xxx


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## purpledahlia

Hayley it does start small, so boys being punched will have started with a little kick, nudge, slap to the wrist? 

to the OP he might only be slapping her hand but what about when its her body, or you? what if he hits you and your baby see's? please dont let him take over any more, you have the chance to get out now so please do, before it gets worse :( :hugs:


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## StarlitHome

flower94 said:


> I have a job interview in my moms town next monday now.

Good. Fingers crossed that you get it and can move on, up, and out. :hugs:


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## SammieGrace

StarlitHome said:


> flower94 said:
> 
> 
> I have a job interview in my moms town next monday now.
> 
> Good. Fingers crossed that you get it and can move on, up, and out. :hugs:Click to expand...

Agreed, good luck with the interview hun, hopefully you and baby can have a fresh start with your mom so that you feel you can parent the way that you want to. It sounds like you love your baby girl very much and that she was greatly benefiting from your loving and responsive parenting style from the beginning. :flower:


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## fluffpuffin

Good luck with the interview :)


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## booboomagoo

Good luck with the interview. I hope things work our for you and you're able to be the mother you want to be.


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## jen1604

StarlitHome said:


> :hugs:
> Sweetheart, you're 17 and you have a beautiful baby daughter. This guy is not worth it. He's not your daughter's father and you need to get out of there.
> There must be something you can get, some kind of help, as a single teenage mother. And if your mom is offering you a place to live where you and your daughter are safe, TAKE IT.
> Please, sweet girl. Listen to the advice being given. A $9 per hour job is not worth your safety and the safety of your gorgeous little girl.
> :hugs:




booboomagoo said:


> Good luck with the interview. I hope things work our for you and you're able to be the mother you want to be.

Agree with both of these.

You do not need to stay there. You are her parent, he is not, you make the choices, simple as that.

A partner is meant to support you in your choices and help you, not make you feel rubbish :hugs: When I met my now fiancé he had never really heard of attachment parenting and it was a bit confusing to him. But after lots of long chats and explaining 'this is how we are with the children, I made this choice from the start and you will support it' he got it and supports everything we do. He will happily wear Lennon in the sling and chat cloth nappies with me :) You deserve someone that will be supportive too honey :hugs:


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## Lexilove

In the U.S there is SO much help available for women and children of domestic abuse especially young mothers. I'm 18 and my boyfriend and I have a loving relationship and I know he would never do this but if ANYONE even touched my baby I would leave, simple as that. If you left now your baby most likely will not remember this but the longer you stay the more difficult it will be. Call the national domestic abuse line, they can help set housing,food and work up for you or at least give some advice.


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## purpledahlia

Will you let us know how it goes? And whats going on? x


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## booboomagoo

I'd love an update as well. I believe your interview is today? I have my fingers crossed for you.


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## New2Bumps

Wouldn't you rather live in some kind of hostel than subject your daughter to a life you are opposed to?


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## Hayley90

I hope the interview went well xx


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## flower94

Well.. as an update.. I showed my boyfriend this thread...

And got an apology and really did have a talk with him... 

He asked me to stay.. but said I didn't have to, so I went to the interview and I probably don't have the job because I have very very little experience. 

He told me he was sorry and he wouldn't hit her hand anymore, he did it because his parents did when he was young, he thought that's how you taught them. 

He has also said if it is really what I want to do I can go back to using cloth nappies and all those other things.. as long as it doesn't ruin his washer lol.. since its brand new and all. Actually he kind of got into looking at nappy sites with me this morning.. he saw diapers with skulls haha..men

I don't quite have his trust back but he's trying to get it.. so for now I'll stay but I'm not giving him any chances.. he's going to respect my decisions or I'm outta there - and he knows it.


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## kmac625

Glad to hear he's coming around, but make sure to follow through if he slips back into his old ways and leave him.


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## flower94

kmac625 said:


> Glad to hear he's coming around, but make sure to follow through if he slips back into his old ways and leave him.

I know :)


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## Sarahwoo

Well done for speaking to him. I really hope that he's as good as his word and starts respecting your parenting decisions :hugs:


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## booboomagoo

I hope he manages to change for good, and well done for standing up for yourself!


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## pinkie77

Well done, I think that was really brave of you. Really hoping he can change his ways hun, make sure you keep him on his toes x x x


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## Swift

I don't know what to say as anything you do in this situation won't be easy but I hope you get things sorted for your little girl.


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## Elphaba

So glad to see you've been able to talk to him. As the others have said, make sure you follow through if things don't change. You little girl is lucky to have a lovely mummy looking out for her.


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## scooterchick

That's good of him, giving his permission for you to parent your daughter they way you want. Sorry for the sarcasm huni but I've heard it all before. Slowly but surely he'll start to undermine you again and before you know you'll be back in the same position.

Get out NOW. Continue to see him if you wish but keep your daughter away from him until he has proved he's changed (which I don't believe for a microsecond). I've seen it too many times, Mum's boyfriend in court charged with serious abuse or worse. GET OUT. Run as fast as you can back to your own Mum and take it from there.

(((((hugs)))))) I know it's not easy but it's vital you protect your daughter and please, please, please keep posting, yours and your daughters safety is all the ladies here are conmcerned about.


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## CupboardLove

It's really sad that people learn these abusive parenting behaviours from their parents and they think it's the way things are done, until someone points out otherwise. 

I hope things go well for you and your little girl. 

From your OP it sounds like you are an excellent Mum. Have faith in your parenting and don't let anyone talk you into doing it their way, and everything will be amazing xxx


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## kittycat18

If I wasn't "allowed" to parent my child the way I wanted to then I would leave my partner and try and make it work on my own. You seriously need to put your foot down and continue doing what is best for your daughter :hugs:


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## Charliemarina

scooterchick said:


> That's good of him, giving his permission for you to parent your daughter they way you want. Sorry for the sarcasm huni but I've heard it all before. Slowly but surely he'll start to undermine you again and before you know you'll be back in the same position.
> 
> Get out NOW. Continue to see him if you wish but keep your daughter away from him until he has proved he's changed (which I don't believe for a microsecond). I've seen it too many times, Mum's boyfriend in court charged with serious abuse or worse. GET OUT. Run as fast as you can back to your own Mum and take it from there.
> 
> (((((hugs)))))) I know it's not easy but it's vital you protect your daughter and please, please, please keep posting, yours and your daughters safety is all the ladies here are conmcerned about.

i agree totally with this comment and im not being nasty, the reason i agree is because sadly iv been where this girl is and at the same age as her :( i could have written that post exactly 5 years ago the only difference with me is my boyfriend was hitting me not my son (he knew not to ever go there)

the funny thing is hunny i know why you wont leave him, its not because u dont want to its because u fear it, people will say how u can you be scared to leave someone who beats u and scares u but unless u have ever been there u will never understand what goes through your head at the thought of just leaving him, u fear that he will come after u, stalk you even kill you (yes a beaten womans brain thinks like that), it got to the extent where i slept with one eye open and sometimes i never slept at all (after an argument and fearing he will harm me)......ohhh thinking back at it now im so angry that i allowed this man 5 years of my life, now iv long left him i dont get why i stayed.
this thread has brought back some horrid memory's for me but im glad it has coz now i realise how lucky i am to have found my OH, but if i ever did see that P**ck in the street i wouldnt be responsible for my actions :hissy: xx

hunny please if u want to talk privately PM me, iv been in ur shoes babe and seriously i wont sleep tonight knowing what ur going through with that little gorgeous girl, i can tell u some private things that may make u just realise that u need to get out, i wont lecture u trust me i know thats not the way to go but pls dont feel embarrassed with me i wont judge you just try and help u as much as i can even if it means supporting u whilst your still with him and if things get bad again :hugs:


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## Charliemarina

kittycat18 said:


> If I wasn't "allowed" to parent my child the way I wanted to then I would leave my partner and try and make it work on my own. You seriously need to put your foot down and continue doing what is best for your daughter :hugs:

this is not so easy when u fear someone putting ur foot down could get you a black eye, sorry i dont mean to go on the defensive its just iv been there.

please dont think im being rude thats not my nature :hugs:


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## kittycat18

Charliemarina said:


> this is not so easy when u fear someone putting ur foot down could get you a black eye, sorry i dont mean to go on the defensive its just iv been there.
> 
> please dont think im being rude thats not my nature :hugs:

I am really sorry to hear that sweetheart :nope: I just honestly think OP should consider leaving if he is controlling her own life as well as her daughters... :hugs:xox


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## Charliemarina

kittycat18 said:


> Charliemarina said:
> 
> 
> this is not so easy when u fear someone putting ur foot down could get you a black eye, sorry i dont mean to go on the defensive its just iv been there.
> 
> please dont think im being rude thats not my nature :hugs:
> 
> I am really sorry to hear that sweetheart :nope: I just honestly think OP should consider leaving if he is controlling her own life as well as her daughters... :hugs:xoxClick to expand...

dont be silly u dont have to apologise hun :kiss: its ur opinion :hugs: xxxx


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## flower94

So far the talk is working...
And I'm not afraid of him lol I'm really not, he's never harmed me at all, ever, he has stopped others from harming me though. And he hasn't hit Nevaeh's hand at all since. He's even cuddled her a bit. 
I'm sorry for what you went through in the past :hug:


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## SammieGrace

flower94 said:


> So far the talk is working...
> And I'm not afraid of him lol I'm really not, he's never harmed me at all, ever, he has stopped others from harming me though. And he hasn't hit Nevaeh's hand at all since. He's even cuddled her a bit.
> I'm sorry for what you went through in the past :hug:

that sounds like he is really making an effort! Good for you both, I bet the cuddles did him some good, too!


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## booboomagoo

flower94 said:


> So far the talk is working...
> And I'm not afraid of him lol I'm really not, he's never harmed me at all, ever, he has stopped others from harming me though. And he hasn't hit Nevaeh's hand at all since. He's even cuddled her a bit.
> I'm sorry for what you went through in the past :hug:

This is great news! I'm really hoping he just didn't know there was a different way and now that he does, things will be much better for you guys!


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## scooterchick

flower94 said:


> So far the talk is working...
> And I'm not afraid of him lol I'm really not, he's never harmed me at all, ever, he has stopped others from harming me though. And he hasn't hit Nevaeh's hand at all since. He's even cuddled her a bit.
> I'm sorry for what you went through in the past :hug:

This is a complete turn around from your first post. You said he 'made you hit her', threw out your carrier, won't allow you to use cloth nappies. Why on earth would you ALLOW HIM to do these things if you weren't scared of him? Abuse is abuse, even if it's your daughter he's hitting and not you. He's still an abuser, like it or not.

Just be on your guard.


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## Rachel_C

Perhaps the OP was upset at the time she wrote her first post? I know when I'm upset I'll say things in a way that makes reality seem a lot worse. It's easy to unintentionally skew things and then see them very differently when you're calmer. As long as that's what's happened, recent events sound very positive. Just make sure, OP, that you're not seeing things in a haze right now and hold him to his word! I hope it all works out for you.


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## scooterchick

Rachel_C said:


> Perhaps the OP was upset at the time she wrote her first post? I know when I'm upset I'll say things in a way that makes reality seem a lot worse. It's easy to unintentionally skew things and then see them very differently when you're calmer. As long as that's what's happened, recent events sound very positive. Just make sure, OP, that you're not seeing things in a haze right now and hold him to his word! I hope it all works out for you.

Yeah, I hope that's the case.


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