# some people!



## gemabee

grrrr... if i see one more post of this forum (obviously not the single parent section) off non - single parents saying things like they feel like a single parent because their partner isn't communicating as much, or as affectionate, or works a lot... or even wishin they were a single parent because they are arguin with their oh's over baby's name nd want their own way... i am actually gonna explode.
do people not actually understand how much we would give to be in their position!?
what a kick in the teeth.


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## AbbynChloe

Well Said!!! You cannot possibly imagine what it is like to be a single parent unless you are one!


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## gemabee

i'm not sayin these people aren't havin a hard time of it... they obviously are.
but to compare it to bein a single parent where most of us have been abandoned by the men we love, forced to struggle through pregnancy / parenthood by ourselves, mostly with little (often with no) help from fob's whatsoever... is an absolute joke.
i would do anythin (especially at this stage in my pregnancy nd with some of the things that have happened to me recently) to have someone to share the burden with... even if they were distant or moody or didn't like my name choice!
come on people... kick us while we're down!!


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## teal

I agree that mums (and dads) in relationships still struggle and find it hard at times but I agree being a single parent is not the same as having your other half working long hours :(

ps: gemabee you don't have long now!


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## gemabee

teal said:


> I agree that mums (and dads) in relationships still struggle and find it hard at times but I agree being a single parent is not the same as having your other half working long hours :(
> 
> ps: gemabee you don't have long now!

yey i know :D
i'm all ready... nursery done. clothes washed nd put away. hospital bag by the front door.
come on baby i'm ready for u now :D

ps. jus read someone's post where it says... 'there's something worse than bein pregnant alone... bein pregnant when ur oh doesn't care'... or somethin like that.
aaarrrggghh!!! thank god i've got u other lovely single parents to rant at or i'd end up startin arguments :wacko::winkwink:
xx


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## gemabee

oooh nd @ teal... i notice u've been breastfeedin... i plan on doin this but if i struggle can i pm u for help nd advice?
xx


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## charlotte-xo

im not gonna be a single parent..however after seeing how much my mum struggled to bring me and my brother up on her own i agree with everyone above ^^ i mean i moan about my oh to my mum and she even tells me to think how lucky i am....

--x


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## gemabee

charlotte-xo said:


> im not gonna be a single parent..however after seeing how much my mum struggled to bring me and my brother up on her own i agree with everyone above ^^ i mean i moan about my oh to my mum and she even tells me to think how lucky i am....
> 
> --x

cheers hun... i'm not tryin to say that pregnancy or relationships aren't difficult in a 'normal' relationship... jus that people don't realise that no matter how lonely they may be... or hard they find it... bein single nd a parent is harder jus because we have no-one to give us support or share the burden with.
everything is relative but i wish some people wouldn't post such disrespectful nd hurtful (to us singletons) posts.
argh! think the hormones have got to me this mornin :haha:


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## teal

gemabee said:


> oooh nd @ teal... i notice u've been breastfeedin... i plan on doin this but if i struggle can i pm u for help nd advice?
> xx

Feel free to pm me anytime :hugs:

Go you being all organised! 

It's hard being pregnant on your own. Once you're little one is here you won't have as much time to think about it. It's still hard - I was in tears when I was registering my son and the women takind his details was really good about it all and said at least this way I have him all to myself. Made me smile to think of it like that. 

Some people either don't think or just don't realise what they say can be hurtful. My sister is always complaining about her inlaws and has said, more than once, that I should be grateful I don't have any to deal with :cry:


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## gemabee

teal said:


> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> oooh nd @ teal... i notice u've been breastfeedin... i plan on doin this but if i struggle can i pm u for help nd advice?
> xx
> 
> Feel free to pm me anytime :hugs:
> 
> Go you being all organised!
> 
> It's hard being pregnant on your own. Once you're little one is here you won't have as much time to think about it. It's still hard - I was in tears when I was registering my son and the women takind his details was really good about it all and said at least this way I have him all to myself. Made me smile to think of it like that.
> 
> *Some people either don't think or just don't realise what they say can be hurtful. My sister is always complaining about her inlaws and has said, more than once, that I should be grateful I don't have any to deal with *:cry:Click to expand...

:dohh:
people jus don't think :nope:

nd the whole havin him all to myself way is a good way to think bout it!
xx


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## Nut_Shake

:( I moan about my hubby and how he doesn't 'get it' sometimes and I cry and get stupid. But I just read this and have gotten a bit teary, i've not really even thought about how hard it would be if he wasn't around and completely take it for granted.
I have the utmost respect and admiration for you ladies, you are actually amazing. I'm sure it must be beyond difficult sometimes, but you all have the strength to raise your babies without interference from someone else who may have not been a positive influence on you or your babies lives anyway.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that xxxx


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## aob1013

I'm sure in one of my posts recently i have said i feel like single parent. My OH has his own business so is out out the house 12 hours a day usually 7 days a week. I hardly see him and neither does Leni, but the time OH gets home he see's Leni for around an hour. So yes, sometimes i DO feel like i am on my own. I don't think you should take it as a personal dig, it's just how people feel.

Although i don't think people should say it in a take the piss kind of way, i mean't it though.


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## Tracy76

I have had it both ways, as this is my fourth pregnancy. I had my first when I was alone and 17, my next two when I was married, and this one should be here any day. The father to this one totally abandoned me early on while I have a blood clot in my leg and two young children to take care of all on my own. I do have to say though, as tough as this pregnancy has been, I am thankful that I do not have the fob around to make it even worse!! When I was pregnant with my middle two kids, AND married, it was hard in a different way..... 

I mean, I feel lonely and overwhelmed on the best of days now, however back then, my husband was so useless that I felt trapped and almost tortured on a daily basis. He would say mean things, be completely selfish, and I had all the emotional drama of a bad relationship on top of being pregnant and doing it alone while "married". I'm sure there are a lot of women out there complaining about their OH's for minor stuff, but I also know first hand how devastating it can feel to deal with real relationship problems, abuse, AND being "alone" during pregnancy. 

I've got to admit, I will take being single and doing everything completely on my own, even with a blood clot in my leg and bed rest and a 6 and 7 year old.... over doing all of that with an abusive, or neglectful or mean OH making life so much more unbearable. 

There are positives and negatives on both sides. I guess the trick is, no matter what our situation may be, is to find the happy medium somewhere in the middle and to try to create our own happiness. I'm getting my tubes tied after this baby, so I guess I will never know what it's like to really have an OH that is there for me during this time.... but I do have to admit, I am sooooo thankful that this time around I can be grateful for being alone. As hard as that is.... 

And to all you ladies who do have a pretty decent OH, I hope you can be grateful for the luxuries you DO have that some of us will never, ever know.... 

On another note.... Gem when are you due?? I'm waiting any day now too... my bags are packed and I am sooooo ready to go!! I'm so happy my little man will be here and I can hold him in my arms rather than my belly!!


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## bloodbinds

I understand how you feel hun. I find it difficult when people moan about their OHs and complain when we all wish we had them! Lol. But at the same time i remember when i was with my OH and how much i moaned (rightly so!) and how much it helped to have a moan, so i understand why they do it.

And when woman compare themselves to being a single mum - they said it feels like they are because they are looking after LO on their own most of the time. But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx


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## lal

I'm sure they don't mean it in a bad way, but it is inconsiderate to say to a struggling single parent - it would be like complaining about your tired feet to a paralyzed person...and whether your partner is with your child 1 hour a day or once a month, there is a difference knowing somebody is out there caring about you AND your child(ren)...it would make everything else easier. There are good and bad to both sides, but people in a relationship at least have the option of staying or not, if it's that bad...single parents are without that option.


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## gemabee

aob1013 said:


> I'm sure in one of my posts recently i have said i feel like single parent. My OH has his own business so is out out the house 12 hours a day usually 7 days a week. I hardly see him and neither does Leni, but the time OH gets home he see's Leni for around an hour. So yes, sometimes i DO feel like i am on my own. I don't think you should take it as a personal dig, it's just how people feel.
> 
> Although i don't think people should say it in a take the piss kind of way, i mean't it though.

hey hun this has nothin to do with any of ur posts... nd like i said i understand that people will find it hard... everythin is relative to each individual situation.
however u do have an oh who is out providin for u... nd someone to share the burden with nd someone to love u... ie. my employers decided not to pay me for an entire month (sorted now btw)... but i had no partner to help with rent / bills / food nd i didn't know how i'd cope... even a cuddle would have helped!
so even tho i don't doubt its hard for u... in the same respect... its not the same thing, which is why i've chosen to moan here where other women see my point.

i have no problem with people moanin bout their oh's nd wishin they supported them more ... the only problem i have is when people say stupid thoughtless things... throwaway comments... like wishin they were single mums so they can have their own way.


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## expecting09

bloodbinds said:


> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx

This is how I've been trying to describe it for so long, but the words were on the tip of my tongue! You hit the nail right on the head :thumbup:

Not having a partner around because they are working or whatever doesn't really compare to not having anyone, at anytime.


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## suzanne108

:hugs:

I know exactly what you mean! Its the posts asking how much other peoples OHs help out with baby that get to me :( BUT I know that if I did have an OH and he was a lazy so and so I'd be moaning too :lol: 

Its not so much the physical support we need, its emotional support. I was feeding Lola a couple of weeks ago & spotted her first little tooth had popped through the gum, I was so excited but I had no one to tell :( 

I do sometimes think though that having a man around would make things more complicated :shrug: maybe thats just me! Just try to ignore any posts like that hun, your hormones are running riot at the moment :D just remember that everyone needs a moan sometimes and there is ALWAYS going to be someone worse off but people can't be expected to think like that all the time :flower:

Don't get me started on people that moan they are tired though :coffee:


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## gemabee

thanku for all ur posts ladies... readin my original post back i sounded so angry!
i'm such a hormonal cow at the minute!!

i still stand by my post... but i also accept everythin is relative nd that in some respects i am lucky that i get my little boy all to myself!!!!

i would love a big man cuddle every now nd again tho :(

xx


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## bloodbinds

expecting09 said:


> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx
> 
> *This is how I've been trying to describe it for so long, but the words were on the tip of my tongue! You hit the nail right on the head
> *
> Not having a partner around because they are working or whatever doesn't really compare to not having anyone, at anytime.Click to expand...


I'm pretty awesome like that :thumbup::winkwink:


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## suzanne108

bloodbinds said:


> expecting09 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx
> 
> *This is how I've been trying to describe it for so long, but the words were on the tip of my tongue! You hit the nail right on the head
> *
> Not having a partner around because they are working or whatever doesn't really compare to not having anyone, at anytime.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I'm pretty awesome like that :thumbup::winkwink:Click to expand...

Thats what you think. ;)

Gema :hugs: you didn't sound angry, I think every one of us single mummies has felt the same as some point. Its hard when you're pregnant but when your baby is here and you get little cuddles it makes it all worthwhile & things probably won't get to you as much. Good luck!!! xxx


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## bloodbinds

suzanne108 said:


> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> expecting09 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx
> 
> *This is how I've been trying to describe it for so long, but the words were on the tip of my tongue! You hit the nail right on the head
> *
> Not having a partner around because they are working or whatever doesn't really compare to not having anyone, at anytime.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I'm pretty awesome like that :thumbup::winkwink:Click to expand...
> 
> *Thats what you think.
> *
> Gema :hugs: you didn't sound angry, I think every one of us single mummies has felt the same as some point. Its hard when you're pregnant but when your baby is here and you get little cuddles it makes it all worthwhile & things probably won't get to you as much. Good luck!!! xxxClick to expand...

:sad1:

Humph.


Gosh, i'm sooooooo tired. Bella woke up once last night for 10 minutes and now i'm soooooo knackered! I only got 8 hours sleep last night! And tonight she grumbled for about 30 seconds before she went to sleep, and though she's been fast asleep since 7, i am worried that she might wake up again tonight. I'm like a zombie. I just don't know how to cope on 8 hours sleep.


Mwhahahahahaha:devil:


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## suzanne108

bloodbinds said:


> suzanne108 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> expecting09 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx
> 
> *This is how I've been trying to describe it for so long, but the words were on the tip of my tongue! You hit the nail right on the head
> *
> Not having a partner around because they are working or whatever doesn't really compare to not having anyone, at anytime.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I'm pretty awesome like that :thumbup::winkwink:Click to expand...
> 
> *Thats what you think.
> *
> Gema :hugs: you didn't sound angry, I think every one of us single mummies has felt the same as some point. Its hard when you're pregnant but when your baby is here and you get little cuddles it makes it all worthwhile & things probably won't get to you as much. Good luck!!! xxxClick to expand...
> 
> :sad1:
> 
> Humph.
> 
> 
> Gosh, i'm sooooooo tired. Bella woke up once last night for 10 minutes and now i'm soooooo knackered! I only got 8 hours sleep last night! And tonight she grumbled for about 30 seconds before she went to sleep, and though she's been fast asleep since 7, i am worried that she might wake up again tonight. I'm like a zombie. I just don't know how to cope on 8 hours sleep.
> 
> 
> Mwhahahahahaha:devil:Click to expand...

Shut up you man stealing whore :grr:

;)


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## bloodbinds

:rofl:

Damn, can't think of anything else! :dohh:


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## AppleBlossom

bloodbinds said:


> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx

Agree with this :thumbup: Being a mum is hard full stop. It is harder being a single mum but not always because there is no-one there to look after them while you have a shower or eat something. The feeling that even at the end of the day you watch tv alone, you go to bed alone, you have nobody to talk to (except faceless people online) and all of that is probably the hardest


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## bloodbinds

AppleBlossom said:


> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx
> 
> Agree with this :thumbup: Being a mum is hard full stop. It is harder being a single mum but not always because there is no-one there to look after them while you have a shower or eat something. The feeling that even at the end of the day you watch tv alone, you go to bed alone, you have nobody to talk to (except faceless people online) and all of that is probably the hardestClick to expand...

Ah-ha! See! Other people think i'm awesome (sort of).




Ohh, wait Suz, yes i can!


Why dont you just do CIO Suz? For god sake! Don't you know that to be a good parent involves letting your baby cry needlessly for hours?!

Ohhh, and formula is posion!

And...er... ok, now i'm out!
:muaha:

(apologies Gemabee for going off on one!! Lol:flower:)


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## rburke

I am so nervous because I am about to become a single parent in January.....and the other day I had just mentioned to the father's sister (who is one of my best friends...it's a long story...he left me but I am still on good terms with his family) that it was going to be hard being a single parent and she got MAD at me! she said i should never feel that way because i have so many people supporting me! I know I have support but it still doesn't change the fact that I am going to be RAISING my daughter on my own... should i not feel this way?? Because I still feel like a single parent....even with family support!


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## gemabee

bloodbinds said:


> AppleBlossom said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bloodbinds said:
> 
> 
> But being a single mum is worse than looking after LO on your own. It's the knowledge that you are on your own in this. That every night you are lying an empty bed (unless you co-sleep of course! Lol) and you have no one to talk to about the little things your LO does. The little things only a parent would care about.
> So even if your OH isn't there most of the time, at least you know you are loved, and you have that support if you need it. Single mummies don't have that :shrug: xx
> 
> Agree with this :thumbup: Being a mum is hard full stop. It is harder being a single mum but not always because there is no-one there to look after them while you have a shower or eat something. The feeling that even at the end of the day you watch tv alone, you go to bed alone, you have nobody to talk to (except faceless people online) and all of that is probably the hardestClick to expand...
> 
> Ah-ha! See! Other people think i'm awesome (sort of).
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ohh, wait Suz, yes i can!
> 
> 
> Why dont you just do CIO Suz? For god sake! Don't you know that to be a good parent involves letting your baby cry needlessly for hours?!
> 
> Ohhh, and formula is posion!
> 
> And...er... ok, now i'm out!
> :muaha:
> 
> *(apologies Gemabee for going off on one!! Lol)*Click to expand...


:haha: its fine!!
xx


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## gemabee

rburke said:


> I am so nervous because I am about to become a single parent in January.....and the other day I had just mentioned to the father's sister (who is one of my best friends...it's a long story...he left me but I am still on good terms with his family) that it was going to be hard being a single parent and she got MAD at me! she said i should never feel that way because i have so many people supporting me! I know I have support but it still doesn't change the fact that I am going to be RAISING my daughter on my own... should i not feel this way?? Because I still feel like a single parent....even with family support!

u are a single parent hun nd how bloody dare she have a go at u!
i have fab friends nd family (not to mention the great support network on here)... but none of them will be doin the night feeds or helpin me pay my bills.
it doesn't change the fact that u will be laid on ur own in bed on a night, wishin u had someone to cuddle nd discuss the tiny nd pointless aspects of ur day with.
they aren't gonna be there all the time even if they are amazingly supportive... they aren't gonna be able to give u the support u so desperately crave.
i would have given her a slap!!
but i dunno if anyone's noticed that i'm slightly hormonal at the minute :haha:


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## winegums

gemabee said:


> grrrr... if i see one more post of this forum (obviously not the single parent section) off non - single parents saying things like they feel like a single parent because their partner isn't communicating as much, or as affectionate, or works a lot... or even wishin they were a single parent because they are arguin with their oh's over baby's name nd want their own way... i am actually gonna explode.
> do people not actually understand how much we would give to be in their position!?
> what a kick in the teeth.


sorry but have you actually thought about the people have been in both a situation of being a single parent and being with a partner?

sometimes *shock horror* it's easier to do things alone than have someone critisising you, making the house UNTIDIER, making things HARDER, you having to see them ignoring your children everyday having it rubbed in your face that they don't give a sh*t.......... i could go on

but why is it ok for you to complain about other peoples situations you know nothing about?


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## bloodbinds

winegums said:


> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> grrrr... if i see one more post of this forum (obviously not the single parent section) off non - single parents saying things like they feel like a single parent because their partner isn't communicating as much, or as affectionate, or works a lot... or even wishin they were a single parent because they are arguin with their oh's over baby's name nd want their own way... i am actually gonna explode.
> do people not actually understand how much we would give to be in their position!?
> what a kick in the teeth.
> 
> 
> sorry but have you actually thought about the people have been in both a situation of being a single parent and being with a partner?
> 
> sometimes *shock horror* it's easier to do things alone than have someone critisising you, making the house UNTIDIER, making things HARDER, you having to see them ignoring your children everyday having it rubbed in your face that they don't give a sh*t.......... i could go on
> 
> but why is it ok for you to complain about other peoples situations you know nothing about?Click to expand...


I think what Gemabee (and the rest of us) dont like is when people compare themselves to being a single parent when they are very much not.
And i don't think there is any need for that atitude, we are all friends on here! :flower:
The single parents section is here for us all to join together and to rant and to moan. She hasn't posted on a thread where people are complaining about being in a relationship, she has come to this section to moan about being single. I don't think she expects to have anyone else come onto her thread and be judged on her opinion.

We are all quite aware that there are abusive relationships in the world, and i'm also quite sure (tell me if im wrong) that Gemabee wasn't talking about them.
But when the worse thing your OH has ever done is leave his dirty socks on the floor, then it's hard for us single mummies to comprehend. We'd rather put up with a few dirty socks, and have someone there who loves us and our LOs! Lol.


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## gemabee

winegums said:


> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> grrrr... if i see one more post of this forum (obviously not the single parent section) off non - single parents saying things like they feel like a single parent because their partner isn't communicating as much, or as affectionate, or works a lot... or even wishin they were a single parent because they are arguin with their oh's over baby's name nd want their own way... i am actually gonna explode.
> do people not actually understand how much we would give to be in their position!?
> what a kick in the teeth.
> 
> 
> sorry but have you actually thought about the people have been in both a situation of being a single parent and being with a partner?
> 
> sometimes *shock horror* it's easier to do things alone than have someone critisising you, making the house UNTIDIER, making things HARDER, you having to see them ignoring your children everyday having it rubbed in your face that they don't give a sh*t.......... i could go on
> 
> but why is it ok for you to complain about other peoples situations you know nothing about?Click to expand...

i think u'll actually find that i actually stated myself later than i was angry nd hormonal on my original post (even tho the general consensus was that people agreed with me).. i stood by my original point but went on to say - 'i have no problem with people moanin bout their oh's nd wishin they supported them more ... the only problem i have is when people say stupid thoughtless things... throwaway comments... like wishin they were single mums so they can have their own way'.
so how dare u have a go at me when i said that i wasn't havin a go at people who had rubbish oh's, that i believe everythin is relative nd non single mums also have a hard time nd that it was only the silly little throwaway comments that annoy me nd i actually see how i am lucky to be a single mum in some respects.

read everythin before u judge.


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## AppleBlossom

I was in a loveless, abusive relationship. I did everything on my own until we finally split when LO was 7 months old and I don't find anything anyone has said offensive :shrug: This is the single parents section where single parents can come to moan, I don't think there is anything wrong with that?


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## gemabee

i'm so upset now... the single parents forum is a place i come to find solice nd support... nd yes have a bloody good moan...
not to be judged nd have someone try to make me feel rubbish.


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## AppleBlossom

Don't feel bad hun. The poster that wrote that has just posted in another thread saying how her and her partner only argue like how any normal couples do, so I doubt she knows much about being a single parent or in a relationship that can make you feel like you are a single parent :hugs:


----------



## bloodbinds

Don't let one person get you down Gem :hugs:

I've had people in commited relationships come on here and try and put me down too. I don't know why they do it :shrug: this is the single section, they have to expect to see Single mummies complaining about all sorts of things and discussing lots of single mummy type things - i don't know how people in relationships can be offended by us at all :shrug:

Seriously, it is only one persons view, we all know you didn't mean offence, because we can see it from your point of view. People who haven't been there just can't understand sometimes :hugs: xx


----------



## gemabee

thanks guys... feel a lot better after my rant nd momentary wobble!
xx


----------



## Blah11

I dunno tbh. It depends how much the dad helps with the baby. my OH didnt help me with Amelie whatsoever when she was a baby. He does now (he plays with her and gets up with her on a sat morning) but when she was little I seriously did EVERYTHING.


----------



## Blah11

p.s. hope my post didn't offend anyone!


----------



## AppleBlossom

It couldn't have been anymore offensive than the post on the previous page!


----------



## gemabee

AppleBlossom said:


> It couldn't have been anymore offensive than the post on the previous page!

haha... point!
its nice how she came into this forum... gave me a bashin for no reason nd has disappeared.
i still don't think non single mums 'get it' tho... which i suppose is why we have our own forum tucked away from the normal people :haha:


----------



## winegums

apple blossom are you stalking me or something!

when did i say here i was talking about myself
jeeze louise talk about the assumptions today

i dont wish i was a single parent, never have, hopefully never will

unfortunately some people feel down about their relationships and i was pointing out that are they not allowed to feel like that?

i've known people, including people on this forum who have been very happy as a single parent and very unhappy in a relationship and vice versa

so i don't think it's fair to have a go at them

but sorry blah and appleblossom are monitoring my posts so i better shhhhhhhh now


----------



## winegums

i hadn't disapeared yet?


----------



## gemabee

Blah11 said:


> I dunno tbh. It depends how much the dad helps with the baby. my OH didnt help me with Amelie whatsoever when she was a baby. He does now (he plays with her and gets up with her on a sat morning) but when she was little I seriously did EVERYTHING.

nd u didn't offend me hun... like i KEEP sayin... everythin is relative.
i don't doubt that it was extremely difficult nd lonely when u were bein the sole carer of ur child... but its still not the same as bein a single mum.


----------



## AppleBlossom

winegums said:


> *apple blossom are you stalking me or something!*
> 
> when did i say here i was talking about myself
> jeeze louise talk about the assumptions today
> 
> i dont wish i was a single parent, never have, hopefully never will
> 
> unfortunately some people feel down about their relationships and i was pointing out that are they not allowed to feel like that?
> 
> i've known people, including people on this forum who have been very happy as a single parent and very unhappy in a relationship and vice versa
> 
> so i don't think it's fair to have a go at them
> 
> but sorry blah and appleblossom are monitoring my posts so i better shhhhhhhh now

Damn, I've been busted

And there's no point in this thread where anyone has said people in relationships aren't entitled to a moan as well


----------



## PeanutBean

Apple's driven me here! Lol. My twopennies worth - I have NO idea how single parents manage. Between finances, childcare, taking care of LO and then the added complications there may be of I'll health or whatever, my heart goes out to all of you. My sister was a single mum for about 8 years but she was lucky and got all the support off my parents. DH's mum was single with him, well til just a few years ago. She's nuts and I don't like her much but blimey, she worked ft, she studied accountancy with the OU for 7 years, she brought them up from council house to now super gorgeous half a mil house, AND DH is amazing!

It's true that not every relationship is equal about childcare but it's a very very bad one where one partner contributes literally nothing.


----------



## gemabee

winegums said:


> unfortunately some people feel down about their relationships and i was pointing out that are they not allowed to feel like that?

but did i not say that i don't have anythin against these complaints... my only complaint is with the silly throwaway comments.
u had a go at me for no reason whatsoever.


----------



## winegums

gemabee said:


> winegums said:
> 
> 
> unfortunately some people feel down about their relationships and i was pointing out that are they not allowed to feel like that?
> 
> but did i not say that i don't have anythin against these complaints... my only complaint is with the silly throwaway comments.
> u had a go at me for no reason whatsoever.Click to expand...


sorry i didn't mean to have a 'go' at you there has just been so many frustrating posts on here tonight.

i thought it was unfair the way you acted as though parents in relationship have no idea what it's like to be a single parent when many of them have and their comments are a kick in the teeth to you, when it's just how they are feeling.

it may feel like it would be easier to have a child with a partner around, but instead of your and your LOs mess maybe the OH is an idiot and leaves his crap everywhere and then it's even more to deal with. and he keeps you up at night so you don't just have the baby but an OH either i don't know snoring or playing games or playing musci or WHATEVER. or the people with OHs who just down right dnt give two craps and they live with someone who doesn't give a sh*t about them or their LO but maybe are too unhappy or scared or alone or poor or whatever other reason to leave


----------



## rburke

just being pregnant and single sucks!!! while he's off doing.....God knows what with his life. It's just going to get even harder once my daughter is here! 
I'm glad there is a place to come and vent.... NO ONE i talk to seems to understand and it is SO frustrating. Whenever I try to talk about this with friends or family I end up just getting more irritated because they tell me "women do it all the time" well i KNOW that and i'm not saying I can't do it! I'm just saying it sucks because the father had to be all selfish....get me pregnant on purpose then leave me because he needs to "live his life" I'M ALLOWED TO BE HURT! :(


----------



## forgodssake

gemabee said:


> teal said:
> 
> 
> I agree that mums (and dads) in relationships still struggle and find it hard at times but I agree being a single parent is not the same as having your other half working long hours :(
> 
> ps: gemabee you don't have long now!
> 
> yey i know :D
> i'm all ready... nursery done. clothes washed nd put away. hospital bag by the front door.
> come on baby i'm ready for u now :D
> 
> ps. jus read someone's post where it says...* 'there's something worse than bein pregnant alone... bein pregnant when ur oh doesn't care'*... or somethin like that.
> aaarrrggghh!!! thank god i've got u other lovely single parents to rant at or i'd end up startin arguments :wacko::winkwink:
> xxClick to expand...

I saw this thread too - really wanted to give the poster a huge :hug: - she needs one - as, I'm sure do you! At least she was being generic, you have directly taken your anger at being left by your ex out on her directly!

Surely it would be better to try and empathise with the next persons problem rather than try to play the "no, I have it harder" game?

I've been a single mum, a mum with a partner who didnt give a shit and about to be a mum with the most amazing fella so I reckon I have fairly balanced opinion. 

Yeah, being a single mum IS hard but do you know what so is being a joint parent with someone who doesnt care!! In fact, IMO, the latter is the loneliest!


----------



## gemabee

winegums said:


> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> winegums said:
> 
> 
> unfortunately some people feel down about their relationships and i was pointing out that are they not allowed to feel like that?
> 
> but did i not say that i don't have anythin against these complaints... my only complaint is with the silly throwaway comments.
> u had a go at me for no reason whatsoever.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> sorry i didn't mean to have a 'go' at you there has just been so many frustrating posts on here tonight.
> 
> *i thought it was unfair the way you acted as though parents in relationship have no idea what it's like to be a single parent when many of them have and their comments are a kick in the teeth to you, when it's just how they are feeling.*
> 
> it may feel like it would be easier to have a child with a partner around, but instead of your and your LOs mess maybe the OH is an idiot and leaves his crap everywhere and then it's even more to deal with. and he keeps you up at night so you don't just have the baby but an OH either i don't know snoring or playing games or playing musci or WHATEVER. or the people with OHs who just down right dnt give two craps and they live with someone who doesn't give a sh*t about them or their LO but maybe are too unhappy or scared or alone or poor or whatever other reason to leaveClick to expand...

but i didn't act like this?
have u actually read the entire thread??
u have completely construed what i said to mean somethin completely different.
u may be frustrated by some of the posts on here tonight... nd i can tell that because i've noticed ur posts on other threads... but there's no need to be aggressive in ur posts...
we're all here to support each other.


----------



## gemabee

forgodssake said:


> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> teal said:
> 
> 
> I agree that mums (and dads) in relationships still struggle and find it hard at times but I agree being a single parent is not the same as having your other half working long hours :(
> 
> ps: gemabee you don't have long now!
> 
> yey i know :D
> i'm all ready... nursery done. clothes washed nd put away. hospital bag by the front door.
> come on baby i'm ready for u now :D
> 
> ps. jus read someone's post where it says...* 'there's something worse than bein pregnant alone... bein pregnant when ur oh doesn't care'*... or somethin like that.
> aaarrrggghh!!! thank god i've got u other lovely single parents to rant at or i'd end up startin arguments :wacko::winkwink:
> xxClick to expand...
> 
> I saw this thread too - really wanted to give the poster a huge :hug: - she needs one - as, I'm sure do you! At least she was being generic, you have directly taken your anger at being left by your ex out on her directly!Click to expand...

yeh nd how many bloody times do i have to say... everythin is relative... i know parents in relationships can have a horrible time too... AND have i or have i not said that i was hormonal nd angry at the beginnin of the thread... jesus i'm gettin fed up now... nd lets be honest... that woman probably doesn't know bout this thread... which is the exact reason i put it in the single parents section... because i didn't want to offend anyone... i jus wanted to have a hormonal rant!!!!


----------



## gemabee

rburke said:


> just being pregnant and single sucks!!! while he's off doing.....God knows what with his life. It's just going to get even harder once my daughter is here!
> I'm glad there is a place to come and vent.... NO ONE i talk to seems to understand and it is SO frustrating. Whenever I try to talk about this with friends or family I end up just getting more irritated because they tell me "women do it all the time" well i KNOW that and i'm not saying I can't do it! I'm just saying it sucks because the father had to be all selfish....get me pregnant on purpose then leave me because he needs to "live his life" I'M ALLOWED TO BE HURT! :(

ofcourse u are hun... nd even tho this thread has somehow managed to get argumentative... normally this forum is amazin nd has helped me through some difficult days.
xx


----------



## forgodssake

gemabee said:


> forgodssake said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> teal said:
> 
> 
> I agree that mums (and dads) in relationships still struggle and find it hard at times but I agree being a single parent is not the same as having your other half working long hours :(
> 
> ps: gemabee you don't have long now!
> 
> yey i know :D
> i'm all ready... nursery done. clothes washed nd put away. hospital bag by the front door.
> come on baby i'm ready for u now :D
> 
> ps. jus read someone's post where it says...* 'there's something worse than bein pregnant alone... bein pregnant when ur oh doesn't care'*... or somethin like that.
> aaarrrggghh!!! thank god i've got u other lovely single parents to rant at or i'd end up startin arguments :wacko::winkwink:
> xxClick to expand...
> 
> I saw this thread too - really wanted to give the poster a huge :hug: - she needs one - as, I'm sure do you! At least she was being generic, you have directly taken your anger at being left by your ex out on her directly!Click to expand...
> 
> yeh nd how many bloody times do i have to say... everythin is relative... i know parents in relationships can have a horrible time too... AND have i or have i not said that i was hormonal nd angry at the beginnin of the thread... jesus i'm gettin fed up now... nd lets be honest... that woman probably doesn't know bout this thread... which is the exact reason i put it in the single parents section... because i didn't want to offend anyone... i jus wanted to have a hormonal rant!!!!Click to expand...

To be fair I did post at the point of the quoted post so hadnt read the bit about you being hormonal and angry so I take that on board now.

As far as being relative (ironic word considering the topic) then its just as relative to the "coupled" mums as it is the single ones iyswim.

As for ranting, rant away, and then rant some more - its your perogative on so many levels - the world would be boring place though if we all had the same views :flower:

PS - dont see the thread as argumentative, just heated discussion - I mean, just imagine how many hormones are here with us :p


----------



## bloodbinds

winegums said:


> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> winegums said:
> 
> 
> unfortunately some people feel down about their relationships and i was pointing out that are they not allowed to feel like that?
> 
> but did i not say that i don't have anythin against these complaints... my only complaint is with the silly throwaway comments.
> u had a go at me for no reason whatsoever.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> sorry i didn't mean to have a 'go' at you there has just been so many frustrating posts on here tonight.
> 
> i thought it was unfair the way you acted as though parents in relationship have no idea what it's like to be a single parent when many of them have and their comments are a kick in the teeth to you, when it's just how they are feeling.
> *
> it may feel like it would be easier to have a child with a partner around, but instead of your and your LOs mess maybe the OH is an idiot and leaves his crap everywhere and then it's even more to deal with. and he keeps you up at night so you don't just have the baby but an OH either i don't know snoring or playing games or playing musci or WHATEVER.* or the people with OHs who just down right dnt give two craps and they live with someone who doesn't give a sh*t about them or their LO but maybe are too unhappy or scared or alone or poor or whatever other reason to leaveClick to expand...


Like i said in my other post, i would much rather have a man that i have to clean up after, rather than no man at all!
He can keep me up at night with his music if he wants, he can leave his crap every where for all i care. But to have a man to hug me when things get too hard... or to confer with about what to do when our daughter is ill... or just to hold my daughter when i want to take a bath in peace. Makes up for any mess he could make. To have a man that loves me, a man to be a father and a role model to my daughter... a man that might be able to provide for us when money is tight - wouldn't that be wonderful?

I wouldn't care if he snored, or spends most of his time playing on the XBOX (which, lets face it, most of them do! Lol) A man to love me and my daughter would make up for all of it. And that is what people don't understand. They say throwaway comments that makes us single woman think 'Really, you don't know how lucky you are...'

Of course, this is not talking about woman in abusive relationships (either physically or mentally) because we all know and understand that _any _woman in that kind of relationship is better off single :nope:


----------



## lal

There is always the option to leave, no matter how poor or hard off you are...it may be difficult, as many of us who had to choose that know, but it is still a choice...I have trouble with people who choose to stay with men they have to "take care of" or who treat them badly or don't help, and complain about how miserable it is. You obviously would rather do that than be alone - so there is something about it that is better than being a single parent, and you know that. This discussion has become petty, but it is good to see the single girls rally together :)


----------



## whoops

For me, the worst thing about being single isn't that _I_ don't have a man, but the knowledge that if FOB doesn't grow up and come around, my little girl is not going to have a dad. I'm going to have to live with that guilt every day. 

So I completely understand gemabee's point. I get upset sometimes when I see people complain about minor things that their OH has done, because I'd give anything to have the father of my child involved in my daughter's life.

EDIT: But... having said that, it is all relative. A number of people have told me that they envy me being pregnant, as they would have loved children when they were younger. No matter how bad I feel sometimes, I know there are people who would give anything to be where I am and sometimes I don't appreciate that enough.


----------



## melorablack

My mum became a single parent when her children we 8,6 and 4 years old. She said although it never stopped being hard, it was a relief when my dad left because then she could finally concentrate on the kids, and not on what he was trying to do to her mentally, physically and emotionally. Not to mention the fact that he was completely useless and behaved worse than the kids (her words lol)


----------



## Missy86

Can I just say I admire you guys so much
2 of my best friends on BNB are single mums and I dont know how they do it, they are so strong


----------



## pinklightbulb

Single mums must do it so hard, but some of us have an OH who is never around/isn't that good with LO so we have to do everything with LO plus keep OH happy when he works 12 hour days 7 days a week. It's like having two kids sometimes lol. It isn't any easier when your OH is pretty much absent/comparatively useless with LO when compared to what you (general you) do for/with LO :flower: I am not a 'single' mother but I also have 100% care of LO 7 days a week with no help and on top of it cook/clean/whatever for both LO and OH. It is tough and I am lucky to have an OH-- I don't take him for granted but I do wish he was around more and had more of an idea what to do with LO.


----------



## Dopeyjopey

Wow... i didn't know how much being single really affected me until i read 'that' post.

I was pretty much alone from week 18 of my pregnancy because FOB wasn't around much. From week 25 i was completely alone because i couldn't take it any more. Now A is here my heart aches constantly and I'd take back my ex, warts and all, if he'd have me. Not just for me, but because I can explain that FOB didn't love Mummy, but how can i explain why he rarely sees his own son? He comes round full of promises and then breaks them, but i'd rather A saw him once in a blue moon than never.

It breaks my heart that A will do something new and I have no partner to share that with. I will be living alone soon and am terrified of the evening time after A goes to bed where i know i'll be having a conversation in my head that i should be having with FOB.

Yes, i can understand that sometimes people feel like they're doing everything in a relationship but it doesn't compare to being emotionally alone raising a child.


----------



## pinklightbulb

Dopeyjopey said:


> Wow... i didn't know how much being single really affected me until i read 'that' post.
> 
> I was pretty much alone from week 18 of my pregnancy because FOB wasn't around much. From week 25 i was completely alone because i couldn't take it any more. Now A is here my heart aches constantly and I'd take back my ex, warts and all, if he'd have me. Not just for me, but because I can explain that FOB didn't love Mummy, but how can i explain why he rarely sees his own son? He comes round full of promises and then breaks them, but i'd rather A saw him once in a blue moon than never.
> 
> It breaks my heart that A will do something new and I have no partner to share that with. I will be living alone soon and am terrified of the evening time after A goes to bed where i know i'll be having a conversation in my head that i should be having with FOB.
> 
> Yes, i can understand that sometimes people feel like they're doing everything in a relationship but it doesn't compare to being emotionally alone raising a child.

:hugs: I hope my post wasn't offensive. Just trying to put it across from the side of the fence where OH is in the picture, which as I said I am very grateful for, but is here only after I have gone to bed so I end up having conversations with four walls or in my head too. You can be emotionally alone in a relationship too. Not as much as a single mummy but it still is lonely to a degree.
(ETA spelling and clarification after I read back my post.)


----------



## Dopeyjopey

Pinklightbulb - you posted while i was typing (slowly on my phone!) and it wasn't your post that upset me.

I can completely see it from your point of view. FOB used to stay out for 5 days while i was pregnant aand it wasn't nice. But at least he was still 'there'. Now we've broken up, A has arrived, he has a new girlfriend and i know he isn't mine anymore. I had to take A to the doctor because he threw up black gunk and his dad didn't even reply to my text. 

I have no choice but to have things the way they are. When someone is in a relationship there is the opportunity for ultimatum, there is the opportunity for change and there is the choice to stay. I would walk to the end of the earth to have those opportunities and choices but i know it wouldn't change a thing. 

The worst of all is that i really need a hug and there's no one to give one. My friends all fell off the face of the earth and there's only my mum, who i have to be strong in front of or she'll insist i stay with her.

Sorry for the emotional post... i honestly didn't know how sad i was until i read this thread :wacko:


----------



## scottishgal89

Dopeyjopey said:


> Pinklightbulb - you posted while i was typing (slowly on my phone!) and it wasn't your post that upset me.
> 
> I can completely see it from your point of view. FOB used to stay out for 5 days while i was pregnant aand it wasn't nice. But at least he was still 'there'. Now we've broken up, A has arrived, he has a new girlfriend and i know he isn't mine anymore. I had to take A to the doctor because he threw up black gunk and his dad didn't even reply to my text.
> 
> I have no choice but to have things the way they are. When someone is in a relationship there is the opportunity for ultimatum, there is the opportunity for change and there is the choice to stay. I would walk to the end of the earth to have those opportunities and choices but i know it wouldn't change a thing.
> 
> The worst of all is that i really need a hug and there's no one to give one. My friends all fell off the face of the earth and there's only my mum, who i have to be strong in front of or she'll insist i stay with her.
> 
> Sorry for the emotional post... i honestly didn't know how sad i was until i read this thread :wacko:

:hugs:


----------



## pinklightbulb

Dopeyjopey said:


> Pinklightbulb - you posted while i was typing (slowly on my phone!) and it wasn't your post that upset me.
> 
> I can completely see it from your point of view. FOB used to stay out for 5 days while i was pregnant aand it wasn't nice. But at least he was still 'there'. Now we've broken up, A has arrived, he has a new girlfriend and i know he isn't mine anymore. I had to take A to the doctor because he threw up black gunk and his dad didn't even reply to my text.
> 
> I have no choice but to have things the way they are. When someone is in a relationship there is the opportunity for ultimatum, there is the opportunity for change and there is the choice to stay. I would walk to the end of the earth to have those opportunities and choices but i know it wouldn't change a thing.
> 
> The worst of all is that i really need a hug and there's no one to give one. My friends all fell off the face of the earth and there's only my mum, who i have to be strong in front of or she'll insist i stay with her.
> 
> Sorry for the emotional post... i honestly didn't know how sad i was until i read this thread :wacko:

I don't know what to say hun except I'm so sorry for you and :hugs: that must be really awful for you. You're a better woman than me I would be a mess and a half. Lots of hugs for you hun.


----------



## andbabymakes3

I totally agree with the OP, I have had to bite my tongue on many occasions when people compare a crap or selfish OH to being a single mum.

There is NO comparison. At all. Being a single mum is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever done. Aside from the sheer exhaustion of not having someone else to do simple things - like keep an eye on LO whilst you do dinner/put washing on/have a shower. Having to deal with LO's illness on your own. Having to constantly look after LO when you are ill. 

Regardless of what your OH does which makes you feel like a single parent (ha), you still have a warm body to snuggle up to at night, you have someone to talk to about the amazing things your LO does each day, you have someone to run thoughts past when your LO starts having tantrums etc. 

And you still know that if the sh!t hits the pan, you have someone there to help you through it. Oh, and you have someone to go out to work to earn money so that you can stay at home with your baby, if you so choose.


----------



## andbabymakes3

This evening has reinforced why I get annoyed at the comparisons...

Holly hasn't been too well this last week, bit chesty and a cough, and last night I found a lump in her neck. So I rang to get her an emergency doc app, then 10 mins before we were due to leave the house she started throwing up - and I mean EVERYWHERE. She was really upset, we were both covered in sick because I was holding her rubbing her back whilst she was being sick. 

Anyway - I realised there was no way I could get us both cleaned, changed, in the car and to the docs within 10 mins, and I didn't want to put her down in case she got upset and made herself more sick. So I rang her dad and left him a vm saying to come round a.s.a.p - 10 mins later, nothing - so I texted - then rang again. I explained what had happened and said I needed a hand, to which he replied - I'm busy, can't you do this on your own? Which I told him (in a not very polite way) that I needed him to help out. He came, held her for a few mins whilst I cleaned the sick off the floor, got us both cleaned etc - and he followed us to the docs surgery. 

Anyway (sorry for the waffle, I'm FURIOUS!), after 5 mins, he said 'I haven't got all night to be sat around waiting in a docs surgery, I'm going home' - and left us both there. She was sick again after he left, we waited an hour and 20 mins to be seen (turns out she has a cold, swollen glands and a slight ear infection). I tried to ring him when we came out to let him know what is wrong with her, he ignored the phone, then texted saying 'leave me a voicemail, I'm too busy to talk'. 

I have just put Holly to bed, and am going to sleep on her room floor in case she is sick through the night and she needs me. 

I have meetings in the morning, starting at 9. I have no family, my friends can't help in case it gets passed back to their little ones, so once again, it's just me and my girl.

So - when your day sounds like this, when you are totally and utterly on your own with your baby, when there is nobody else to help you clean up the sick, or to rock her to sleep, or to make you a cup of tea because you are so tired and upset you could just cry - or even just to give you a cuddle - then you can compare yourself to a single parent.


----------



## suzanne108

:( :hugs: 

Awww I hope Holly is OK in the night xx


----------



## scottishgal89

:hugs:
I hope Holly is better soon.
Your ex sounds like a total arse!! :grr:


----------



## AppleBlossom

:hugs: I have been in a relationship where I felt totally alone and my ex treated me like shit. But being a single mum is a million times harder so I agree


----------



## andbabymakes3

It's only when it's 'hard' that I feel it. Most of the time, I love it - everything she is, everything she has and everything she does is because of me (and her, she is amazing!). 

He is an arse. He was an arse when I was with him - I just tried to excuse a lot because I wanted to keep my family together. But she loves him, so I will bite my tongue for the sake of their relationship. 

Thanks for the nice messages - she is fast asleep now, calpol/nurofened up and snoring away. x


----------



## forgodssake

I hope your little one is better soon. 

Although as for the comparison if this had been my LO when I was WITH my ex the story would have been exactly the same. 

It's not a "who has it harder" game - every situation has to be judged on it's own merit. I would chose to be a single mum EVERY time over being with my ex and as I have been I think I am qualified to make that comparison.


----------



## Dopeyjopey

forgodssake said:


> I hope your little one is better soon.
> 
> Although as for the comparison if this had been my LO when I was WITH my ex the story would have been exactly the same.
> 
> It's not a "who has it harder" game - every situation has to be judged on it's own merit. I would chose to be a single mum EVERY time over being with my ex and as I have been I think I am qualified to make that comparison.

I completely agree with you. However, it stings to hear people say 'my Oh works 10 hours a day 6 days a week, i feel like a single parent.' I work out that means they still have approx 108 hours a week with an OH there. That's over 5,500 hours more support a year than a single parent. I'm in no way denying some relationships are worse than being single... it's the example above that hurts!


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## forgodssake

I totally agree BUT I think that should be also made clear in the posts - especially in a room full of pregnant women ;)

The OP took offence at things she was reading because of the way the had been worded but some of the replies "in her favour" are written in the same vain. 

EVERYONE needs to be conscious of how the word things - especially the written word. 


I hope that makes sense. 

:flower:




Dopeyjopey said:


> forgodssake said:
> 
> 
> I hope your little one is better soon.
> 
> Although as for the comparison if this had been my LO when I was WITH my ex the story would have been exactly the same.
> 
> It's not a "who has it harder" game - every situation has to be judged on it's own merit. I would chose to be a single mum EVERY time over being with my ex and as I have been I think I am qualified to make that comparison.
> 
> I completely agree with you. However, it stings to hear people say 'my Oh works 10 hours a day 6 days a week, i feel like a single parent.' I work out that means they still have approx 108 hours a week with an OH there. That's over 5,500 hours more support a year than a single parent. I'm in no way denying some relationships are worse than being single... it's the example above that hurts!Click to expand...


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## cuteboots

I was a single parent with my eldest I literally have no family and know how alone and how hard it is, its the toughest job in the world only made harder by people who look down their nose at you and blame you for the downfall of society, ive been embarrassed by people just because I was a single parent, when I wanted to scream that I wasn't the dead beat parent, Im the one that is sticking by my son working all the bloody hours for him.
I now have 2 other children and while OH isn't hands on with Lo's and I am with them 24/7 it is NOT like being a single parent, I do now have someone to tell what the Lo's have been upto.
Being a single parent is so heartbreaking at times, its so painful when you realise that your lo has done something and you've no one at the end of the day to share that with. My eldest has grown up to be someone im so proud of and because we were on our own we have a special relationship.
You're right anyone who has never been a single parent will never knowhow hard it is but I dont think they mean offence its just a thoughtless comparison x


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## andbabymakes3

forgodssake said:


> It's not a "who has it harder" game - every situation has to be judged on it's own merit. I would chose to be a single mum EVERY time over being with my ex and as I have been I think I am qualified to make that comparison.

No, you are right - it's not a who has it harder game. We are all mums, and we all find it hard at different times for different reasons. 

But I really really find it offensive when somebody who has an OH who works long hours, or who is a gamer, or who doesn't do housework, or who is generally just a bit of a slack, useless bloke, compares themselves to a single parent. Spend a day in my shoes (or the sheos of any single parent for that matter) - in fact, no - spend a month in our shoes - then come back and tell me how hard you've got it. 

ETA - Not directed at you fgs, I just quoted you to reply to your first point.


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## gemabee

when i made this thread it was never intended as a 'who has it harder thread' (even if my pregnancy hormones gave that impression)... as i repeated myself (quite a few times) - everything is relative... i wasn't sayin that bein a single parent was ultimately harder than bein a parent in a relationship.
i was simply statin how annoyin it was when women who normally had lovin relationships / or has oh's who worked a lot... dared to use the statement 'i feel like a single mum' / 'i would prefer to be a single mum'... one example that made my blood boil was when a couple were arguin what to call their baby... so the woman said she wished she was a single mum so she could do what she wanted!!!

generally speakin the majority of single mums (or dads) DO have it harder than parents who are in a relationship.
as proved by 'andbabymakes3'... also proved by the fact that i am havin to move out of my home / go back to work a few months after baby is born / generally cry myself to sleep over finances... i would do anythin to have a partner out workin nd ensurin the bills are bein paid.

i have never found anythin more difficult in my entire life than the last few months of pregnancy, completely by myself, i live away from friends nd family nd cannot remember the last time anyone walked through my front door. i haven't left the house for the best part of a week nd i've have been completely alone... i would have done anythin for a bit of support nd love... i would have done anythin to have someone to shout at / argue with / cook for / pick up dirty socks of!
- so i thought bein single nd pregnant was hard... i still have the hardest part to come.

this post is half to clarify the original post... nd half to have a rant!!

good mornin ladies :haha:


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## bloodbinds

What does annoy me when people say they have the worst OH in the world, when he's done practically nothing wrong. You think you have the worst OH? Trying being one of us single mummies where we have had our OHs abandon us and our LOs. Lol. But that really does sounds like a 'we have it worst' argument. But it is all relative. There are woman in abusive relationships that definitely have it worse!
But when people complain about their OH working an extra hour or two, then comparing themselves to a single mummy, i just have to bite my tongue from saying 'ohh, you have noooooo idea!'

But it is also fun when you see people complaining about their OH and i smile and think 'at least i dont have to deal with that!' Lol.


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## Missy86

The thing I think people in a relationship have to remember is that even if your Oh works all hours he is doing it to provide for you and your babies, also he will come home to you after for a cuddle.
We dont really have that much to complain about


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## lou_w34

Ohhh i think i would give my right arm for a lazy slob who did nothing... i would pick up his dirty socks all day long so long as at night he would give me a cuddle in bed and a little chat when LO is asleep so the night times dont feel so lonely.

There are so many types of parents, and im not saying any have it easy, but from my experiance it can be so lonely, especially when (like babymakes3 said) you have a ill baby, or you feel so ill yourself, all you want to do is sleep, but you have to drag yourself out of bed to make sure LO is well looked after!

I do love being a single mummy, very much so, but there are certain aspects of it that make me wish i had a partner, even one who does nothing! lol

xxx


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## forgodssake

RIGHT, listen up (and before you all get at me for that I'm kicking my own arse here too):

Single psrents do NOT have it harder than those in an abusive relationship / with an arsehole for a partner!!!

Those parents in a relationship do NOT have it harder than singles parents because their OH works long hours and leaves their socks on the floor!!

There is a crossover in situation here which I think we are all (or at least the majority of us) are failing to see. 

Yes, it's all relative and we should just be supporting each other no matter what our grievance as life is just too bloody short to do otherwise!!

* gems * :hug:

** this post was brought to you with raging "get this baby out hormones" but had good intentions (by the way, my dads bigger than your dad ;))

:flower::flower:


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## gemabee

forgodssake said:


> RIGHT, listen up (and before you all get at me for that I'm kicking my own arse here too):
> 
> Single psrents do NOT have it harder than those in an abusive relationship / with an arsehole for a partner!!!
> 
> Those parents in a relationship do NOT have it harder than singles parents because their OH works long hours and leaves their socks on the floor!!
> 
> There is a crossover in situation here which I think we are all (or at least the majority of us) are failing to see.
> 
> Yes, it's all relative and we should just be supporting each other no matter what our grievance as life is just too bloody short to do otherwise!!
> 
> * gems * :hug:
> 
> ** this post was brought to you with raging "get this baby out hormones" but had good intentions (by the way, my dads bigger than your dad ;))
> 
> :flower::flower:

i have serious ragin 'get this baby out' hormones as well :haha:
(nd by the way... i have 2 dads :smug: nd they're both pretty big)
i swear i've used the phrase 'its all relative' more times on this forum than i've said it out in the 'real world'.


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## forgodssake

gemabee said:


> forgodssake said:
> 
> 
> RIGHT, listen up (and before you all get at me for that I'm kicking my own arse here too):
> 
> Single psrents do NOT have it harder than those in an abusive relationship / with an arsehole for a partner!!!
> 
> Those parents in a relationship do NOT have it harder than singles parents because their OH works long hours and leaves their socks on the floor!!
> 
> There is a crossover in situation here which I think we are all (or at least the majority of us) are failing to see.
> 
> Yes, it's all relative and we should just be supporting each other no matter what our grievance as life is just too bloody short to do otherwise!!
> 
> * gems * :hug:
> 
> ** this post was brought to you with raging "get this baby out hormones" but had good intentions (by the way, my dads bigger than your dad ;))
> 
> :flower::flower:
> 
> i have serious ragin 'get this baby out' hormones as well :haha:
> (nd by the way... i have 2 dads :smug: nd they're both pretty big)
> i swear i've used the phrase 'its all relative' more times on this forum than i've said it out in the 'real world'.Click to expand...

Yeah but my dads REALLY massive ;)


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## lal

#1 disagree, again, if you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship you can and certainly should get out of it. That is how many of us ended up on here.
#2 the post was started about people complaining that they'd rather be single without thought to what that really means. It's like saying you wish you were homeless so you wouldn't have to cut your grass, to a homeless person.


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## forgodssake

lal said:


> #1 disagree, again, if you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship you can and certainly should get out of it. That is how many of us ended up on here.

:rolleyes: yeah, coz its that easy!!



lal said:


> #2 the post was started about people complaining that they'd rather be single without thought to what that really means. It's like saying you wish you were homeless so you wouldn't have to cut your grass, to a homeless person.

If you read the thread you will see that the OP has then been taken out of context both ways by many posters which has resulted in strong opions from both *sides*!

You know, you wanna have a row have a row - I was trying to lighten the thread but its kinda obvious that went sailing over your head - I'm out!!


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## scottishgal89

lal said:


> #1 disagree, again, if you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship you can and certainly should get out of it. That is how many of us ended up on here.
> #2 the post was started about people complaining that they'd rather be single without thought to what that really means. It's like saying you wish you were homeless so you wouldn't have to cut your grass, to a homeless person.

Totally agree with this. Apart from getting out of an abusive relationship, if I'd managed to, LO wouldn't be here. It's really hard to do.

Thought I'd post my opinion.
I am still technically a single mummy for another week.
My boyfriend lives 400miles away and I've not seen him for over 3weeks. Next week he moves in. Dunno if you'd view me as a single mummy or not but technically i am, anyways...
I have been a single mummy since I was about 20weeks pregnant and was in an abusive relationship which continued even though we weren't together.
I have had a nightmare year as LO is really ill and FOB has caused lots of problems and it sure as hell hasn't been easy.
Your right, people who wish they were a single mummy have no idea, it has its rewards but it really is draining and it's so hard not having someone there to talk to and share things with, thats also an advantage though because with the hard times come the amazing ones.

This thread has surfaced a lot of feelings in single mummies :hugs: you should all be so proud of yourselves because it's such a hard job. We have all been threw a lot of crap to get to where we are today but these things happen to those who are strong enough to deal with it and look...we're all still standing.
Those who wish they were a single parent, lets just hope they never are.
You're day will come when you'll find someone who will treat you and your LO right. But tbh, I dont want to share my LO (how selfish :haha:). I love having her all to myself, morning, bedtime, bathtime, feeding time. It's tough, but it's so amazing to know your the person they look up to and learn from.

Went off on a bit of a tangent, sorry :blush: Don't even think I really got to my point, but now I don't remember what the point was :rofl: sleep deprived much?!
:kiss:


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## lal

forgodssake said:


> lal said:
> 
> 
> #1 disagree, again, if you are in an abusive or unhealthy relationship you can and certainly should get out of it. That is how many of us ended up on here.
> 
> :rolleyes: yeah, coz its that easy!!
> 
> 
> 
> lal said:
> 
> 
> #2 the post was started about people complaining that they'd rather be single without thought to what that really means. It's like saying you wish you were homeless so you wouldn't have to cut your grass, to a homeless person.Click to expand...
> 
> If you read the thread you will see that the OP has then been taken out of context both ways by many posters which has resulted in strong opions from both *sides*!
> 
> You know, you wanna have a row have a row - I was trying to lighten the thread but its kinda obvious that went sailing over your head - I'm out!!Click to expand...

I'm not saying any of it is easy, or that its not miserable to be in a bad relationship. In my experience, the ones usually complaining about it are not in abusive relationships anyway, they are just unhappy at the moment. And I am sorry, I wasn't trying to be argumentative, I just disagree is all.


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## bloodbinds

Ahhh, i love how all the single mummies come together and support each other. Love to you all! :hugs:


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## starbucks101

havent read the whole thread as I got bored when the non-signles parents started chipping in stupid comments, but :hugs: to all you single mummies. And its weird I was a single mum with Emily and I find it so much harder being a non-single mum with the girls now. And tbh sometimes I really wish I was, sometimes it is because I dont get my own way, I've lost alot of independace being in a relationship & my parenting has had to change because I'm not a single mum anymore and I really dont like it so we argue over it alot! 

Anyway this isnt the right section, BUT This is the SINLGE MUM's section guys... Have a little bit of consideration for the situation & I completly agree unless you have been a single parent you have absolutley no idea what its like no matter how of a selfish pr*ck your OH may be. 

Being a single mum may be the making or breaking of you. 

xxxx


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## Tegans Mama

I'm not a single parent, but my Mum was a single parent to myself and my little sister. She found it really hard at times.

I honestly don't think anyone should compare any situation with anyone elses. I do understand how you feel though, to a certain extent. My daughter is severely disabled and needs a lot of extra care, much more than an average child needs. She is paraplegic (can't use her legs) and is catheterised twice a day, has problems gaining weight, won't eat etc etc amongst other things. Sometimes, it really pisses me off when someone says 'being a parent is so hard' and I too have to bite my tongue and keep myself from saying 'you don't know what hard is'. I know its a totally different situation, but I understand. I didn't come here to say how annoyed I get though, I came to say that you single Mummies all do a brilliant job :hugs: x


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## scottishgal89

Tegans Mama said:


> I'm not a single parent, but my Mum was a single parent to myself and my little sister. She found it really hard at times.
> 
> I honestly don't think anyone should compare any situation with anyone elses. I do understand how you feel though, to a certain extent. My daughter is severely disabled and needs a lot of extra care, much more than an average child needs. She is paraplegic (can't use her legs) and is catheterised twice a day, has problems gaining weight, won't eat etc etc amongst other things. Sometimes, it really pisses me off when someone says 'being a parent is so hard' and I too have to bite my tongue and keep myself from saying 'you don't know what hard is'. I know its a totally different situation, but I understand. I didn't come here to say how annoyed I get though, I came to say that you single Mummies all do a brilliant job :hugs: x

:hugs: Know how you feel. I'm just glad I've now found someone to help carry some of it. The period I was single and coping with it myself was so so hard


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## andbabymakes3

Tegans Mama said:


> I'm not a single parent, but my Mum was a single parent to myself and my little sister. She found it really hard at times.
> 
> I honestly don't think anyone should compare any situation with anyone elses. I do understand how you feel though, to a certain extent. My daughter is severely disabled and needs a lot of extra care, much more than an average child needs. She is paraplegic (can't use her legs) and is catheterised twice a day, has problems gaining weight, won't eat etc etc amongst other things. Sometimes, it really pisses me off when someone says 'being a parent is so hard' and I too have to bite my tongue and keep myself from saying 'you don't know what hard is'. I know its a totally different situation, but I understand. I didn't come here to say how annoyed I get though, I came to say that you single Mummies all do a brilliant job :hugs: x

Totally off topic, but I think you sound like a bloody amazing mummy! Single, in a relationship, old, young, pink, blue, green, makes no odds when people are in such a challenging situation... Some people on this forum give you a glimpse into their lives, and every now and then it makes you realise how unbelievably hard people do have it. TBH, what you seem to go through on a daily basis makes my pitiful single mummy moans seem a bit silly (and that's no disrespect to other single mummies, we frickin ROCK!). 

Just wanted to say, I have a huge amount of respect for you and your OH, and I think Tegan is a lucky little girl to have you (as you are to have her of course!). 

x


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## whoops

andbabymakes3 said:


> Tegans Mama said:
> 
> 
> I'm not a single parent, but my Mum was a single parent to myself and my little sister. She found it really hard at times.
> 
> I honestly don't think anyone should compare any situation with anyone elses. I do understand how you feel though, to a certain extent. My daughter is severely disabled and needs a lot of extra care, much more than an average child needs. She is paraplegic (can't use her legs) and is catheterised twice a day, has problems gaining weight, won't eat etc etc amongst other things. Sometimes, it really pisses me off when someone says 'being a parent is so hard' and I too have to bite my tongue and keep myself from saying 'you don't know what hard is'. I know its a totally different situation, but I understand. I didn't come here to say how annoyed I get though, I came to say that you single Mummies all do a brilliant job :hugs: x
> 
> Totally off topic, but I think you sound like a bloody amazing mummy! Single, in a relationship, old, young, pink, blue, green, makes no odds when people are in such a challenging situation... Some people on this forum give you a glimpse into their lives, and every now and then it makes you realise how unbelievably hard people do have it. TBH, what you seem to go through on a daily basis makes my pitiful single mummy moans seem a bit silly (and that's no disrespect to other single mummies, we frickin ROCK!).
> 
> Just wanted to say, I have a huge amount of respect for you and your OH, and I think Tegan is a lucky little girl to have you (as you are to have her of course!).
> 
> xClick to expand...

Well said!


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## TattiesMum

starbucks101 said:


> havent read the whole thread as I got bored when the non-signles parents started chipping in stupid comments, but :hugs: to all you single mummies. And its weird I was a single mum with Emily and I find it so much harder being a non-single mum with the girls now. And tbh sometimes I really wish I was, sometimes it is because I dont get my own way, I've lost alot of independace being in a relationship & my parenting has had to change because I'm not a single mum anymore and I really dont like it so we argue over it alot!
> 
> Anyway this isnt the right section, BUT This is the SINLGE MUM's section guys... Have a little bit of consideration for the situation & I completly agree unless you have been a single parent you have absolutley no idea what its like no matter how of a selfish pr*ck your OH may be.
> 
> Being a single mum may be the making or breaking of you.
> 
> xxxx

I've got to agree with this .... I've been a single Mum and a non-single Mum and they both have their benefits and drawbacks. I too liked having total control over my days when I was single and, once I was in a committed relationship again, found it very hard to have to take another adult's opinion and needs into account :blush:

But I agree - this is the single section and people who have never been there really aren't equipped to understand what a lonely and sometimes frightening experience it is :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mummy3

I have a husband who works upward of 60/70 hours a week, I have a special needs son, a preschooler, a 1 year old and pregnant. No way in a million years do I think I have it as hard as when I was a single mum.

I was a single mum for 2 years before I met my husband, I dealt with NICU as she was preemie, I looked after her 24/7 alone as I had barely any family, it was very rewarding sure but my god was it hard, long and lonely! My ex was an abusive waste of space who refuses to have anything to do with dd and wont pay child support.

Sometimes I have asked questions about dd in the future, like how much to push ex to have something to do with dd and how to answer her questions also about the CSA. I hope that offense wasn't taken?:flower:


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## gemabee

mummy3 said:


> I have a husband who works upward of 60/70 hours a week, I have a special needs son, a preschooler, a 1 year old and pregnant. No way in a million years do I think I have it as hard as when I was a single mum.
> 
> I was a single mum for 2 years before I met my husband, I dealt with NICU as she was preemie, I looked after her 24/7 alone as I had barely any family, it was very rewarding sure but my god was it hard, long and lonely! My ex was an abusive waste of space who refuses to have anything to do with dd and wont pay child support.
> 
> Sometimes I have asked questions about dd in the future, like how much to push ex to have something to do with dd and how to answer her questions also about the CSA. I hope that offense wasn't taken?:flower:

gotta say u sound like an amazingly strong woman!!
i have so much respect for u :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## scottishgal89

gemabee said:


> mummy3 said:
> 
> 
> I have a husband who works upward of 60/70 hours a week, I have a special needs son, a preschooler, a 1 year old and pregnant. No way in a million years do I think I have it as hard as when I was a single mum.
> 
> I was a single mum for 2 years before I met my husband, I dealt with NICU as she was preemie, I looked after her 24/7 alone as I had barely any family, it was very rewarding sure but my god was it hard, long and lonely! My ex was an abusive waste of space who refuses to have anything to do with dd and wont pay child support.
> 
> Sometimes I have asked questions about dd in the future, like how much to push ex to have something to do with dd and how to answer her questions also about the CSA. I hope that offense wasn't taken?:flower:
> 
> gotta say u sound like an amazingly strong woman!!
> i have so much respect for u :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

happy due date :happydance:
xxx


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## whoops

mummy3 said:


> I have a husband who works upward of 60/70 hours a week, I have a special needs son, a preschooler, a 1 year old and pregnant. No way in a million years do I think I have it as hard as when I was a single mum.
> 
> I was a single mum for 2 years before I met my husband, I dealt with NICU as she was preemie, I looked after her 24/7 alone as I had barely any family, it was very rewarding sure but my god was it hard, long and lonely! My ex was an abusive waste of space who refuses to have anything to do with dd and wont pay child support.
> 
> *Sometimes I have asked questions about dd in the future, like how much to push ex to have something to do with dd and how to answer her questions also about the CSA. I hope that offense wasn't taken?*:flower:

Definitely not! It makes sense asking the single mums here for advice on parenting when you're not with FOB, even if you're in another relationship now.


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## gemabee

~daisychain~ said:


> gemabee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mummy3 said:
> 
> 
> I have a husband who works upward of 60/70 hours a week, I have a special needs son, a preschooler, a 1 year old and pregnant. No way in a million years do I think I have it as hard as when I was a single mum.
> 
> I was a single mum for 2 years before I met my husband, I dealt with NICU as she was preemie, I looked after her 24/7 alone as I had barely any family, it was very rewarding sure but my god was it hard, long and lonely! My ex was an abusive waste of space who refuses to have anything to do with dd and wont pay child support.
> 
> Sometimes I have asked questions about dd in the future, like how much to push ex to have something to do with dd and how to answer her questions also about the CSA. I hope that offense wasn't taken?:flower:
> 
> gotta say u sound like an amazingly strong woman!!
> i have so much respect for u :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> happy due date :happydance:
> xxxClick to expand...

hi due date :hi:





bye due date :hi:




never mind... i'm pretty sure i'm not actually pregnant... jus VERY bloated :haha:


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## scottishgal89

:rofl:


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## Rhi_Rhi1

hahah at Gemabee (bloated).. just wanted to stop by and say i agree with this thread :) although im in a relationship now and have been for a year.. i like to pop by occasionally with my two cents worth lol... and sometimes its nice to get help about fob etc.. hope no-one minds this tho :) x


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## scottishgal89

I still spend a lot of time in here too.
Feel closest to the girls in here :)


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## luckdragon

yep lol i get my best friend telling me this everyday how her man is at work too much or he'd crap with the baby!!!! blah blah 

i live on my own 24 hours a day 7 days a week and have done from day 1


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