# I feel devastated and can't work out why I'm so bad this time



## honey915

I must have known it would be 50/50?! I really honestly Said and felt like I didn't care all that much until at my 12 week scan the senior sonographer blurted out that it was a boy and I realised I was a) fuming at her for slipping up when we wanted a surprise and b) gutted that it was another boy. This is my fourth and last baby. We do luckily have one girl and I am blessed. Already she is my best friend. I'm thinking irrationally. Boys are beautiful and loving but as soon as they grow up they're gone. Girls are their mum's best friends. I guess u was just being greedy and wanted to have another girl to be best friends with. I just want my kids in my life forever and I fear losing them so much. So the idea of a baby boy is awesome. Until they grow up. Then you have nothing in common. They sway towards their dad if anything. My husband to be sees his parents fairly regularly but adores his dad and speaks down to his mum even though she has been the one doing everything all his life. She irritates me so my kids hardly see her as a result and I think that'll be my life when I'm a grandma?! 

I know I'm thinking way ahead but it's obvious that this is the most likely outcome. I'm only 13 weeks and my anxiety disorder has really flared up and I feel awful. I feel like I need to go back to counselling. Not really directly because of this because it's been building up but this has caused me to ruminate and stress and now my anxiety level is much higher. With my other boys I brisged it off after the scans and was over it really quickly. This time I know how amazing girls are. 

This baby wasn't planned. I went to have a termination but couldn't do it. I felt really angry that I'd been forced into a corner because my fiance wanted this baby and I didnt. We we're meant to be getting married but cancelled it and postponed. The placenta is also anterior so the movements won't be like the others and I think I especially need to bond with this one. I'm a mess. A total irrational, horrible human being of a mess. 

Sorry for the rant. Feels good to get it off my chest


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## kat132

It must be harder if you didnt even want the baby but i want to tell you that sons can be just as close to their mums. My brother loves being around both my mum and dad. I have cousins who visit their mum and dad at least once a week and hardly go to the wife's house. Then i know people with daughters who never see them :shrug: hold your boys close and they will stay close. 

Try and look at the positives. Your little girl will have 3 brothers to look after her. She will always be protected. You may find that her and the youngest brother become really good friends as well as she will feel protective over him while he is young. 
I suffer with anxiety and your mind races with thoughts that are completely irrational, you over think everything. I have decided not to let my feelings ruin this pregnancy for me. I know deep down things will be ok, things will work out. I will never have a daughter but i will have 3 amazing sons to look after me and i know they will. I already know my eldest will be close to me for life, i feel it in my heart.

Not much help this post i know but i just wanted to try and help you feel slightly happier about this pregnancy. Your girl being in the middle of boys could be the glue that holds them all together, you never know. One day you will be at home surrounded by 8-10 grandchildren running rings around you asking yourself why you ever worried. :hugs:

as for getting married, it took me and my husband 10 years to get round to it. to be honest it has made no difference to our relationship at all. Apart from a name change for me its the same as before. 
xx


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## honey915

kat132 said:


> It must be harder if you didnt even want the baby but i want to tell you that sons can be just as close to their mums. My brother loves being around both my mum and dad. I have cousins who visit their mum and dad at least once a week and hardly go to the wife's house. Then i know people with daughters who never see them :shrug: hold your boys close and they will stay close.
> 
> Try and look at the positives. Your little girl will have 3 brothers to look after her. She will always be protected. You may find that her and the youngest brother become really good friends as well as she will feel protective over him while he is young.
> I suffer with anxiety and your mind races with thoughts that are completely irrational, you over think everything. I have decided not to let my feelings ruin this pregnancy for me. I know deep down things will be ok, things will work out. I will never have a daughter but i will have 3 amazing sons to look after me and i know they will. I already know my eldest will be close to me for life, i feel it in my heart.
> 
> Not much help this post i know but i just wanted to try and help you feel slightly happier about this pregnancy. Your girl being in the middle of boys could be the glue that holds them all together, you never know. One day you will be at home surrounded by 8-10 grandchildren running rings around you asking yourself why you ever worried. :hugs:
> 
> as for getting married, it took me and my husband 10 years to get round to it. to be honest it has made no difference to our relationship at all. Apart from a name change for me its the same as before.
> xx

Oh it has helped. Thank you. Just to hear that actually some boys are still really close to their family when they grow up makes me feel alot happier. You hear alot of negativity about adult sons but actually it's not necessarily that bad. My friend at work has two boys and she is the apple of their eyes and vice versa. I am blessed to have babies. I know I need to be positive and stop ruminating. Thank you. And I'm sorry you'll never get your girl. I am luckily to just have one I know. Xx


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## kat132

its hard to feel positive sometimes but its early days yet. i am sure how you are feeling will get better. I am coming to terms with not having a daughter now. it just wasn't meant to be.
You are lucky to have one daughter but i can understand you wanting another. we cant help how we feel unfortunately but we know our babies will be loved once they arrive. 

Hope you start feeling better soon. xx


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## honey915

kat132 said:


> its hard to feel positive sometimes but its early days yet. i am sure how you are feeling will get better. I am coming to terms with not having a daughter now. it just wasn't meant to be.
> You are lucky to have one daughter but i can understand you wanting another. we cant help how we feel unfortunately but we know our babies will be loved once they arrive.
> 
> Hope you start feeling better soon. xx

Boys are really lovely and they love their mamas don't they? They are lovely to raise. It's all down to how you raise them whether they'll be there as adults or not


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## nicem815

honey915 said:


> I must have known it would be 50/50?! I really honestly Said and felt like I didn't care all that much until at my 12 week scan the senior sonographer blurted out that it was a boy and I realised I was a) fuming at her for slipping up when we wanted a surprise and b) gutted that it was another boy. This is my fourth and last baby. We do luckily have one girl and I am blessed. Already she is my best friend. I'm thinking irrationally. Boys are beautiful and loving but as soon as they grow up they're gone. Girls are their mum's best friends. I guess u was just being greedy and wanted to have another girl to be best friends with. I just want my kids in my life forever and I fear losing them so much. So the idea of a baby boy is awesome. Until they grow up. Then you have nothing in common. They sway towards their dad if anything. My husband to be sees his parents fairly regularly but adores his dad and speaks down to his mum even though she has been the one doing everything all his life. She irritates me so my kids hardly see her as a result and I think that'll be my life when I'm a grandma?!
> 
> I know I'm thinking way ahead but it's obvious that this is the most likely outcome. I'm only 13 weeks and my anxiety disorder has really flared up and I feel awful. I feel like I need to go back to counselling. Not really directly because of this because it's been building up but this has caused me to ruminate and stress and now my anxiety level is much higher. With my other boys I brisged it off after the scans and was over it really quickly. This time I know how amazing girls are.
> 
> This baby wasn't planned. I went to have a termination but couldn't do it. I felt really angry that I'd been forced into a corner because my fiance wanted this baby and I didnt. We we're meant to be getting married but cancelled it and postponed. The placenta is also anterior so the movements won't be like the others and I think I especially need to bond with this one. I'm a mess. A total irrational, horrible human being of a mess.
> 
> Sorry for the rant. Feels good to get it off my chest

While my husband moved away from home to be with me in a different state, he is the youngest of 7 (5 boys, 2 girls) and he and his mother are VERY close. He loves his mom very much! In fact, we are hoping to move back that way one day. Your boys can be just as close to you as your girl <3


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## DobbyForever

If it helps, I have an anterior placenta and was distraught because I will be one and done. I hated how other women could feel their babies move so early and often, but the wait made it that much more special. And I can see my stomach moving every day and feel him kicking all day. So it definitely won't stop you from feeling your baby.

As for boys, every boy is different. My brothers are still very much attached to the family and to my mother. It just depends on your relationship. I've pulled away a lot from my mom because I don't live near her/now SO is here I can't just hope over to her house every weekend. All children eventually start their own families, but a boy can still be close to his mom. :hugs: my dad called my grandmother every day until the day he died. He used to wake us up at 3am and make beds for us in the car so we could sleep and he would drive us down to visit her (6 hour drive so we'd wake up right as we were getting there). My uncle visits my grandmother in the hospital every weekend, sometimes after driving (he's a truck driver) 30+ hours straight and she's out of his way home.


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## DobbyForever

Also I am super close to my mom and I am the only girl with three brothers. She also wanted a second girl, but she told me at my baby shower she was glad God only gave her me. It makes our mother-daughter bond that much more special. I don't know that we'd be as close if one of my twin brothers was a girl.


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## honey915

Thankyou ladies this is all very reassuring! X


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## nicem815

honey915 said:


> Thankyou ladies this is all very reassuring! X

Hope you're feeling better!


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