# Is this messed up?



## kiki04

That I am looking forward to her first bday :wacko: I want to celebrate her and send balloons up to her and just acknowledge her in a FUN way... we have a fun bday celebration for all the others, why not her? Anyone else ever feel this way?

I mean obviously I miss her and would rather spend her first bday smashing cake in her little face :haha: and all the fun stuff... but in a different way, it is all about acknowledgment for me. Jan 28 was my cycle when I got pg with her.. so her little soul has been in existence for almost a year already! But her bday isnt until May 26th,


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## OliveBay

Aw Krissy, I think its great for you to be in a place where you can think about your angel with happiness and a smile on your face, rather than just feeling the sadness that we go through for so long. It's a really positive thing to be feeling like this. I sometimes look back on my pregnancy with fondness as I really enjoyed growing my little bump. We should cherish the happy thoughts about our little ones, as a welcome change from all the sadness and grief we've been through :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

It's not messed up at all, Krissy, it's lovely. I have moments where I feel like celebrating my boys' short lives, but then I slide back into the darkness again wanting them with me, selfish of me really. I hope I get to where you are eventually, it's definitely not messed up, it's something to aspire to for me. 

Better to have loved and lost and all that...

xxx


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## sweetcheeks78

I think it's lovely, and a blessing that you can think of her in a happy way. Not at all messed up, and I think you will remember her in lovely ways on her birthday xxx


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## mhazzab

I agree with what the others said, Krissy, I think it shows you have accepted Hadlee cannot be with you in person here on earth right now, but you still want to acknowledge her existence. It's lovely and as Nikki says, something to aspire to.

I'm looking forward to giving my girls a special first birthday treat this year.
Xxx


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## kiki04

Whew! I'm glad this is a good thing! :dance: Honestly though girls... its because of my other kids. Seeing and hearing how much their sister means to them makes me smile with pride. How can you not smile when thinking about your baby, when your 8 and 10 yr olds tell you they are naming their teddy bears Hadlee, and sleep with it every night? How can you not smile when thinking about her, when you hear your children playing outside, and you hear them telling their little friends about their sister in heaven? How can you not smile when thinking about her when your children even say there is 6 of us in this family... not 5 :thumbup: All those little things are things that MAKE you smile....and all those things happened BECAUSE of Hadlee. Even though she isnt here, she is helping make me such a proud mommy and know that I am doing something right. I want her here, I wish she was in my arms... but there is just something inside me that clicked and thought....  she is wonderful, she is amazing and she is mine.... so I wont make the thought of her out to be a sad moment every time it occurs, but a reason to smile because I have my very own angel.

ETA: I am sure things would be different if I didnt have my other 3 here to have been my reason to keep going and stay strong.


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## naitken

That's my birthday! I'll be thinking of your little angel on that day!


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## xforuiholdonx

:hugs:


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## Hellylou

A friend of mine who has also had a m/c said to me that one day I will be able to look back and think of my baby with gushes of love instead of gushes of grief. I am looking forward to the time when I can. It's very encouraging to hear you sounding so positive. Hopefully that time will not be far off for me too. :hugs:


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## kiki04

Well when I was approaching 4 months post doomsday, I was still getting up to my due date. Then I had to deal with xmas coming up so there was still hurdles I had to get through to make it here :hugs: I have past my due date, and what would have been her first holiday. The next big hurdle is her 1st bday but hopefully I have a little sister or brother in the making for her by then :happydance: So one day you will get here, but I sure as heck wasn't here even a couple months ago :hugs:


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## Joanna82

Ohh these are such a lovely and heartwarming words:hugs:


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