# I thought I would be joining you



## bbbbbbb811

Today we had our gender scan, and found out we are having a girl. I always thought I would have a boy, but my partner has said no more children after this one as it is our third girl and he doesn't want to end up having four girls... so I'm not only disappointed I will never have a boy, my family will also be 'completed' and I will never be pregnant again. I'm holding out hope that they got it wrong but I know it's silly but the picture didn't look clear to me, the baby was in a bad position and he said as we left 'don't tell the sonographer you know at 20 weeks and see what they say' which to me seems weird. On the upside, I already had a little girl name picked(as I kinda knew) and I won't have to buy anything as I kept everything from my 15month old.


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## kimmy04

Congrats on your third girl! I would love to have another girl so as much as I know it can hurt not to get what you were hoping for, know there is always someone out there who would love to have what you have! :)


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## bbbbbbb811

Thank you, I know I am blessed for having 3 children and lucky to have 2 wonderful girls and another on the way. Just that it's the end of extending my family and that I'll never have a boy, I always wished for a large family ever since I was a girl, and it was coming true until today x


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## bubbles82

Really sorry you're feeling this way, it probably doesn't help but I just see myself as a girl mummy and would love to be in your position. I haven't found out gender this time but I'm so sure I'm having a boy, and I'm struggling to deal with the idea. I'm not disappointed in the little boy who may be joining us soon, I'm just feeling sad that my daughter will never have a sister as this is our last baby. I'm struggling to cope with the guilt of feeling this way too when I know others would love to be in my position, and I should feel nothing but grateful for a healthy baby myself after three losses. I think it's just hard to get your head around the idea of things happening differently to how you'd imagined for so long.


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## bbbbbbb811

Thank you for sympathising. It is tough when you imagine your life some way, and it doesn't go to plan! But I do have to say, my gender disappointment was short lived. I do still get dissappointed at times when I think I won't have a boy but I think I am more disappointed that I won't get to extend my family again in the future. It has definitely helped talking about names and also thinking about my girls together. I think part of the problem is that my relationship with both my mother and sister who is 2 years older are both broken beyond repair after years of trying, so I didn't really have good experience of an all girl family. I'm sorry you feel guilty about your feelings, but it is only natural and shows that you are a caring mother to your children for having that guilt. I'm also sorry for your three losses, but even though it was a tougher journey to get pregnant it doesn't change your hopes you had for your family and life so please don't feel guilty. I was also thought I was having a boy this time (maybe wishful thinking?) Because this pregnancy was different, in fact all three girl pregnancies were different so you might still have a little girly growing in there. I hope you get the gender you want at your scan:hugs:


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## bubbles82

Thank you, I didn't think of it that way, I just feel horrible and like I'm a terrible mum to this new baby already just because of how I feel about gender which I can't help and baby can't either. 

I've already had my 20 week scan and didn't find out as I still couldn't decide what to do for the best, so chances are I won't know for sure until the birth now. My two pregnancies have been pretty much the same really, no sickness with either, nothing that tells me it's a boy this time in that way, it's just how my scan pictures look and I've looked at so many confirmed ones now to compare it's hard to believe there's any chance at all it could be another girl. 
I'm not close to my sister at all so it's weird how much I want my daughter to experience having a sister. I just can't relate to the idea of having a boy at all, but hoping if it happens then it will all just fall into place and soon be hard to remember how I felt about wanting anything other than him. When I had my daughter I was so convinced I would have a boy that time that it took me a while to bond with her as I was so shocked she was a girl, and stupidly felt like I'd lost the little boy I was expecting to appear and was handed a complete little stranger instead. I don't think that's the case this time though, as looking back at her scan pictures they were really obviously girly from what I know of scans now. 

Maybe things will change once the new little one has settled in and you'll still get a chance to have more family in the future?


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## bbbbbbb811

It's not terrible at all, and loads of mums experience gender disappointment and I found it helped looking at other posts where the women have come back after having their babies and they are on cloud 9 no matter what the gender. Babies can look completely different on scans too, that's why I thought this time we were having a boy. My partner has two sisters and he is incredibly close to his two sisters, they ring each other every couple of days, text, meet up when they can and love each other very much and they always have done so even tho he may not enjoy girly dress up (although most young boys do in my experience!) They can still have a close relationship. Please don't feel guilty, you are an amazing mum for caring about your feelings, and it isn't the child you don't love, it's getting used to an another idea that you hadn't planned. I'm sure things will fall into place for you, and you have a 50/50 chance!

As for me, it will be down to my partner, we are both still young so I hope this isn't the end. It's not that he doesn't want more daughters but he is scared about when they are teenagers.


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## jamhs

I have 3 boys and with my last pregnancy my husband said it would be our last and that our family was complete and I remembered mourning that I wouldn't have another baby or ever get a girl so I understand exactly how you are feeling right now. I love having 3 of the same though- it's so easy and I love being able to say "my boys". I had gotten used to the idea we were complete but then my husband said he kind of wanted another one and I just found out I'm pregnant with #4- so you never know if your husband might change his mind! 
I'm also not sure if having a girl now is what I want or if I would prefer another boy. Amazing how things can change in 3 and a half years! Future is not written in stone just yet x


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## bbbbbbb811

I hope so! Because I am hoping for a 4 year gap between this baby and the next so it is a long time for him to change his mind. My partner isn't against having more children, he is worrier about have 4 teenage girls as he won't be able to stand it when they start thinking about boys/going out etc and it was the same with his younger sister when she got to that age. Congratulations on your pregnancy and thank you for sharing your experience, made me feel more better that this might not be the end!:)


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## Gym knickers

We don't know yet but I'm sure I am having a third girl also. As much as I really just want everything to be ok and being home another perfect baby I can't help but feel sad I'll never have a little boy. Hubby insists he doesn't mind but I don't really believe him. I always imagined myself with boys but was so excited when number one was a girl and didn't really mind what number two was as we knew we wanted three, I was also so pleased to give DD a sister and they are so close already. I'm just dreading finding out in a way although I feel I need to to prepare! I'm more than happy for another girly but sad for what I'll never have if that makes sense.


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## bbbbbbb811

Gym knickers said:


> We don't know yet but I'm sure I am having a third girl also. As much as I really just want everything to be ok and being home another perfect baby I can't help but feel sad I'll never have a little boy. Hubby insists he doesn't mind but I don't really believe him. I always imagined myself with boys but was so excited when number one was a girl and didn't really mind what number two was as we knew we wanted three, I was also so pleased to give DD a sister and they are so close already. I'm just dreading finding out in a way although I feel I need to to prepare! I'm more than happy for another girly but sad for what I'll never have if that makes sense.

I was the same with my first two, I was happy with girls but it wasn't the end but now it's meant to be our last child I did feel the disappointment. I was scared to find out and even considered team yellow but I am so glad I did find out because I would of hated to be disappointed at the birth after 9 months of me thinking baby could've of been a boy. And I can honestly say that finding out gave me time to get used to the idea and I'm no longer disappointed, I am sad I won't have a little boy but I'm not disappointed with having another girl and I'm excited for when my baby is old enough to share a room with my youngest and play as they will only have a 20 month age. Until I found out I was just imagining having a baby boy, but now I know I'm having a girl I can imagine all the good things that come with having a baby girl. And as a previous poster said, never say never. My partner wanted a larger family, but not a family of all girls cause he is scared of the teenage years, and having to protect them so you might have another one in the future. Who knows where we will be in 4-5 or more years? You never know though, you may still have a cheeky little man in there and I hope you do:hugs:


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## Gym knickers

bbbbbbb811 said:


> Gym knickers said:
> 
> 
> We don't know yet but I'm sure I am having a third girl also. As much as I really just want everything to be ok and being home another perfect baby I can't help but feel sad I'll never have a little boy. Hubby insists he doesn't mind but I don't really believe him. I always imagined myself with boys but was so excited when number one was a girl and didn't really mind what number two was as we knew we wanted three, I was also so pleased to give DD a sister and they are so close already. I'm just dreading finding out in a way although I feel I need to to prepare! I'm more than happy for another girly but sad for what I'll never have if that makes sense.
> 
> I was the same with my first two, I was happy with girls but it wasn't the end but now it's meant to be our last child I did feel the disappointment. I was scared to find out and even considered team yellow but I am so glad I did find out because I would of hated to be disappointed at the birth after 9 months of me thinking baby could've of been a boy. And I can honestly say that finding out gave me time to get used to the idea and I'm no longer disappointed, I am sad I won't have a little boy but I'm not disappointed with having another girl and I'm excited for when my baby is old enough to share a room with my youngest and play as they will only have a 20 month age. Until I found out I was just imagining having a baby boy, but now I know I'm having a girl I can imagine all the good things that come with having a baby girl. And as a previous poster said, never say never. My partner wanted a larger family, but not a family of all girls cause he is scared of the teenage years, and having to protect them so you might have another one in the future. Who knows where we will be in 4-5 or more years? You never know though, you may still have a cheeky little man in there and I hope you do:hugs:Click to expand...


You never know but I doubt it. I too keep thinking about all the lovely things three girls will do together and there are so many positives as you said :) I will keep you updated. I also feel like maybe being team yellow as I'm nervous to find out but I know I won't be able to do it!


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## bbbbbbb811

Being team yellow is definitely special, I wish I had the willpower to do it! If I already had a girl/boy I think I could do it but I couldn't do it this time:dohh: looking forward for the update:)


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