# I want to be a surrogate for my sister....opinions??



## Eltjuh

My sister and her husband have been trying for a baby for over 2 years now....My sister has been pregnant at least 8 times but everytime something goes wrong (around 6 weeks or so I think) She's had several tests done but no one knows why it goes wrong and it's obviously not infertility cause she has been pregnant....
She really wants to have a baby and she had quite a hard time with me being pregnant (with me being younger and not married as long as she was married and all that. Also I got pregnant the first month we tried)
I really want to help her and I know now what it's like to be pregnant and give birth and I really wanna do it for her....

I just don't know how to talk to my husband about it.... As he hated seeing me go through all the pain (4 days of labour) with our baby, so much so he said he doesn't want another baby (though I reckon he'll come round when our boy is a bit older) but I can't imagine what he'll be like if we've gotta give the baby away....Though it wouldn't be our baby.

And I am also not sure on how to tell my sister, cause I'd suggested it before but that was quite a long time ago and I hadn't been pregnant myself yet. At the time she said she wouldn't want it cause I'm her sister and thought it would be too hard for me to give the baby to her... But I reckon I'll be ok with it, as I could still be an aunty and it wouldn't biologically be my child.... 

I'd like some help/opinions from you guys please! And any stories if you've been through this with your sister or someone else in your family....


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## Scally

i really want to do this for my sister in law, she has just had a failed ivf, and has been trying for a few years. I mentioned it to my OH who said he didnt want me to do it, as he thought it would be hard for me to carry the baby for 9 months and then give it away, but i think if its their egg and sperm it wont be my baby..... i am not sure i can convince him though. I loved being pregnant, my birth with LO was horrendous, so it would mean a c section if i was to be a surrogate.


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## Sweet_Mama

I have been a gestational surrogate (not biologically my child in any way) twice. My first concern would be the reason your sister is miscarrying all the time. You say there is nothing wrong with your sister, but have the lost fetuses been tested for any genetic abnormalities? If they have not then this could likely happen to you as well, losing your sister's baby at the same times she did. Just a thought. I've had to think about a lot of situations regarding what I'm willing to put myself through as a surrogate for someone else. 

I think it's wonderful that you are considering offering to help your sister. Feel free to PM me if you have any direct questions about the IVF or surrogacy process.


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## Eltjuh

Sweet_Mama said:


> I have been a gestational surrogate (not biologically my child in any way) twice. My first concern would be the reason your sister is miscarrying all the time. You say there is nothing wrong with your sister, but have the lost fetuses been tested for any genetic abnormalities? If they have not then this could likely happen to you as well, losing your sister's baby at the same times she did. Just a thought. I've had to think about a lot of situations regarding what I'm willing to put myself through as a surrogate for someone else.
> 
> I think it's wonderful that you are considering offering to help your sister. Feel free to PM me if you have any direct questions about the IVF or surrogacy process.

I'm not sure...if the fetusus have been tested.... I know my sister and her husband have had extensive testing and they tried IUI (Intra-uterine-insemination) But that also went wrong - though they only tried it once, cause they're still trying to find their boundaries as to how long they want to keep trying certain methods. And it was all getting a bit too much for my sister. So they've decided to just leave it for a while and try again later, or just 'let things happen' (if you know what I mean).


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## fordy

i, myself have been a surrogate for my little sister, she is unable to have a child what so ever (no egg production and gay) so we are what u call traditional surrgoate using our own egg and sperm, now before u even consider talking to your sister about this i will stress this quite a bit, get counselling, i fell pregnant 1 month after my son was born, i did not get the counselling i really should have, i believed deep inside i was able to give the child up, but by time she was born deep down it killed, i had bonded with the baby for those nine months today she is almost 5 months old and a beautiful little bubby, but i do wish i had got counselling, the last 5 months have been hell but i have got thru it with the help of my partner and close friends and of course my dr. :)


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## storm4mozza

all i would say is make sure you get advice on it off a professional first and get to know the procedures before you speak to your husband or sister about it just to make sure its what you truley want 

good luck :)


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## maybebaby3

i have not been a surrogate but i would do it for my sister or a friend if i could help them. it is a very selfless thing to do. the child would have to not be mine biologically though. i couldnt deal with that personally.


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## vicki.mummy

Make sure you talk it out lots first off - you will obviously have to do it through some sort of treatment etc. One of my sisters had problems getting pregnant (eventually fell tho) and I offered to be a surrogate - it's something I've personally thought alot about and I think it's an amazing thing to do.


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## Foogirl

My sister and I have always said we would do this for each other if we needed to, but I would have to be sure my family was complete before I did it. I also echo getting counselling. I was once friend with a woman who was a surrogate mum 3 times. She never had counselling at the time and years later she was still suffering because of it. We eventually convinced her to go to counselling and she was able to get her life together, but it was a long hard road for her.


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## unapologetik

Honestly.. I would do it for my sister, no problem. I've always said I would be a surrogate for a friend or family member, as long as the egg wasn't mine. But for my sister? I love her like myself. Of course I would do it for her, even my egg. We are so close, any kids we have will be more like siblings than cousins anyway. 

I think counseling would be a good idea, and I would probably do it as well, even if I ended up not needing to use my own egg.

It's a selfless, beautiful thing you're considering, and I hope your sister knows how lucky she is!


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## Betheney

i've never been a surrogate but i too would do it for my sister if she ever had problems conceiving, i think if you smart about everything and get the proper counselling it could all go well. I've done a bit of research on it and they find the very large majority of surrogates feel empowered by the whole thing and do not have a problem giving up the baby. Just do your research and make sure you have support.


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## QuintinsMommy

I would also do this for my sister


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## ourgenetics

fordy said:


> i, myself have been a surrogate for my little sister, she is unable to have a child what so ever (no egg production and gay) so we are what u call traditional surrgoate using our own egg and sperm, now before u even consider talking to your sister about this i will stress this quite a bit, get counselling, i fell pregnant 1 month after my son was born, i did not get the counselling i really should have, i believed deep inside i was able to give the child up, but by time she was born deep down it killed, i had bonded with the baby for those nine months today she is almost 5 months old and a beautiful little bubby, but i do wish i had got counselling, the last 5 months have been hell but i have got thru it with the help of my partner and close friends and of course my dr. :)

Hi,
This is my first post on here and I have so many questions. My DH and I are seriously considering me being a surrogate for my older sister as she has asked us because she too is gay and has had many failed attempts at IUI. She is 40 and has been advised that it would not be in her best interest to keep trying due to health issues. When you say you were a 'traditional surrogate' using your own egg and sperm, do you mean it was your husbands sperm?? This is what we are considering as neither of us are comfortable with me carrying another mans baby. I am wondering if you could offer us any advice as to how you dealt with knowing that your other child had a full sibling that was not being raised by you and your husband? Did this cause you or him any grief? Any advice about what other considerations need to be made, in case we have not thought of them would be so much appreciated. 

Look forward to hearing from you.


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## subaru555

IMHO I think it's probably easier to deal with if it's not your baby. At the end of the day if it's your egg it's still your baby that you are giving away, and not only your own feelings, but imagine the childs knowing you had them, grew them in your tummy and then gave them away. Children might not understand the reasons when they find out about this when they are older and it can do a lot to a persons stability. 

I've know people who said they loved being one but wouldn't again and I know others who've said it ruined their life. So remember to consider these things.

The other thing is that the baby will not know it's not yours. It will want (naturally) no-one else except you. Your heartbeat is all it knows, your voice, the noises which surround the baby are all they want and need when they are born.


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