# Did you have a doula?



## 1hopefull

Hi All,

I am seriously considering hiring a doula and have started searching. Wanted to see if anyone had any experiences to share?

- Where you glad you did?
- What you wish you knew or asked after?
- Would you hire one again?
- How did your significant other feel about having a doula present?
- Other thoughts?

Thanks! :D


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## Samantha675

We just hired our doula. :happydance:

My husband helped me with the whole process, since she will be providing support for both of us during my labor. She made a really good point during our interview, that men don't have babies, and can't be expected to be experts in birth. They will see the birth of their child, but no other. She on the other hand has seen loads, has given birth, and can give not only me the tools to birth, but him the tools to help me during birth. 


I didn't have a doula when I had my son, and I really wished I had.


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## 1hopefull

Thanks Samantha! 

It is so funny bc my DH was not thrilled at all about the idea but said he was keeping an open mind (very sweet, i could tell he was really trying to hide the whole not thrilled thing). I said pretty much what your doula said and read a few reviews on one doula's website and it changed his thinking some... :D I think more of that, and meeting the doula (and like you said being involved with the process) will help.

Question if you don't mind sharing, does insurance cover any of it? Do you have a flexible healthcare account? Can you use money from it? I am still trying to figure out if I can get any help or if we will be footing the bill completely...


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## Guppy051708

I am a doula...and i wish i had a doula!


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## Guppy051708

And to pay, here is what i wrote to another BnB member who was wondering:

Most doulas work seperatly from the hospital. Usually they are self employed (i am as are most other doulas i know). SOME hospitals do hire doulas (they are just as great, also those hospitals tend to be more "natural" oriented). But usually they will be self employed. As for insurance covering that, mine doesnt. We have blue cross blue shield of Massechusettes (its private and DHs work dictates whats covered). Depending on your insurance it may or may not cover. seems like most dont but if i were you i would call them up and find out! Do you have a Flex Spending Account (FSA)? Im pretty sure thats a federal thing, so your "coverage" is probably similar to mine, but you never know! So if you do have an FSA, check that out as well. In the even that you can't get coverage from either of those, and you are struggling to pay for a doula, contact the doula anyways. Tell them your situation. 

Often times doulas will either take you on for the same pay, but let you pay over time, or they will take you on and offer services at a discounted rate. they will also barter. IS there anything you are talented with? I know one doula agreed to a birth based on her client cleaning her house. It can be as simple as that. If that fails, she (or he but usually she) will refer you other area doulas. She may also know of doulas who are looking for their certyfing births (cert birth). gernally speaking, these in-training doulas will be at a super super low cost or they will do it for free. Even though they are not as experienced, they are usually good too!


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## 1hopefull

Guppy051708 said:


> I am a doula...and i wish i had a doula!

:rofl:

any wise words from a doula what to look for in a good doula?


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## Guppy051708

1hopefull said:


> Guppy051708 said:
> 
> 
> I am a doula...and i wish i had a doula!
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> any wise words from a doula what to look for in a good doula?Click to expand...

hmm...well thats tough....i think the biggest thing is having a meet and greet and seeing if you "click". Its interview for you and for them. If i get a client that clicks well, we def go through with it. If i get one that we dont click well (not that we dont get along, we do but you just have to have that "connection") then i will referr them other local doulas. Even if everything else is right, you want to have the connection with your doula. really the best thing you can do is interview. 
And i just want to say, they do not have to be certified. There are some awesome certified doulas, but there are also those who are not certified (or are still in training) that are great too! So just keep that in mind :D


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## 1hopefull

Guppy- thanks :D I never even thought of bartering. My hubby used to be a plumber before the economy took a nose dive, so there is an idea to ask about anyway :D my, not so talented...

we also have BCBS (of IL). I do not think they cover doulas but need to call bc there online policy is hard to understand. as for the FSA, i think they are covered if they are your sole provider or something weird which doesn't make sense bc a doula is not a MW, they are a labor coach/support. i have to call them too. i hope it works out bc we thought we were going to be doing IVF this year so i have a lot of money in my account i need to spend.

thanks for the tips :D


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## moomin_troll

ive got a doula and even tho i havent given birth yet she is very important and i no i will need her there to give me the support i need.

id suggest u meet with afew doulas and see who u just get on better with as this woman is going to see u at ur most vunerable so u need to get on with her.

my other birthing partner is my mum and she is very happy that ive got my doula with me too


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## Guppy051708

you can send some of your extra funds my way :rofl: only kidding :D


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## Guppy051708

and thats a great idea with your husband bartering!
I know a couple that the husband built a deck for the doula! That was a great barter too!


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## Samantha675

1hopefull said:


> Thanks Samantha!
> 
> It is so funny bc my DH was not thrilled at all about the idea but said he was keeping an open mind (very sweet, i could tell he was really trying to hide the whole not thrilled thing). I said pretty much what your doula said and read a few reviews on one doula's website and it changed his thinking some... :D I think more of that, and meeting the doula (and like you said being involved with the process) will help.
> 
> Question if you don't mind sharing, does insurance cover any of it? Do you have a flexible healthcare account? Can you use money from it? I am still trying to figure out if I can get any help or if we will be footing the bill completely...

I don't know if my insurance does or not. I have not asked. I need to ask about the flexible healthcare account. My doula is not too expensive. $600. I had one quote me $1600! 

My doula, is also a midwife, and she is the back up midwife for my midwives, so they have worked together before. She also runs the local chapter for ICAN (c-section awareness and vbac support group) so she really understands where I am at with my journey to birth. 

I think once you go into labor, your DH will really appreciate having the doula. Birth scares most men, its such a foreign thing. They don't like seeing their wives in pain, so really struggle. Your doula can help him, and remind him that it's a good pain, a purposeful pain and how to help you deal with it.


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## fides

i have a doula, but haven't given birth yet!! DH & I picked her b/c the three of us clicked, just like Guppy was talking about. She's a new doula (i'll be client #10, but she interned for a while before that), so she has a reduced rate of $400, not covered by insurance, but we figure totally worth it! My husband is glad we hired her b/c it takes the pressure off him, so to speak - she said part of her job is to make suggestions to him on different things to try with rubbing my back and such, so he's glad he'll have someone directing him.

Good luck!


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## angel2010

Great thread!! I am not pregnant again yet, but I was thinking that I would like to hire a doula for my next birth and as well my oh didn't seem too keen. 

Guppy-not experienced in this at all (haven't done much research since I am not pregnant yet), but I was wondering if along with helping with labor and helping the dads help, are doulas also willing to do things like keep notes (like what happened at what time) and help to document (like taking pictures). The reason I ask is that my oh was really crappy at things like that. There is so much about my last birth that is just a blur.

Sorry for going off topic:flower:


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## MonstHer

Can anyone act as your doula or birth advocate and have the same pull in the hospital?


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## Guppy051708

angel2010 said:


> .
> 
> Guppy-not experienced in this at all (haven't done much research since I am not pregnant yet), but I was wondering if along with helping with labor and helping the dads help, are doulas also willing to do things like keep notes (like what happened at what time) and help to document (like taking pictures). The reason I ask is that my oh was really crappy at things like that. There is so much about my last birth that is just a blur.
> 
> :

That is really up to the comfort of the doula, however, i know quite a few doulas who are willing to take pictures, myself included. But some doulas do not feel comfortable taking pictures as they think it distracts them from their actual doula work. I enjoy photography, especially of birth so its something that i do, but not all want to. Thats something to bring up at the interview and ask aabout. Also, some doulas do take notes, but nnot all. I am trained with DONA International, and we are set up to help preserve the memory of the birth. The doula will meet with you once or twice (or more depending on needs) during pregnancy, then at the birth, and then they will have a follow up appt. There we help you process and preserve your memory of birthing your child. We just have to be careful because sometimes what we see while attending the birth is not how you preserve the birth. Our goal is for you to remember the birth the way you saw it, not how we saw it. So thats something we have to be careful with, but yes, many doulas do help in that department :)


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## Guppy051708

MonstHer said:


> Can anyone act as your doula or birth advocate and have the same pull in the hospital?

Certainly! they make not have the "official" title as a doula but i will give you an example of this very thing you are asking about.

When i had my son, i did not have a doula (i wanted one, but wsan't well informed on how to get one, at the time). My mom and my husband helped me through the entire birth. My mom take a similar role on as a doula. She helped me with the pain, rubbed my back, gave dh a break (it was a long 30 hour labor with a posterior baby). So basically, she acted exactly like a doula but without the label. :thumbup: a doula is a birth supporter physical/mental/emotional. They do NOT make decisions for the client but they do provide information to make an informed decision. Many times, in US hospital births, doctors tend to leave out all of the info leaving you with a decision to make that you really dont have all the info to make. and sometimes that can lead to unnecessary interventions. Thats another reason for a doula. but to answer your question, yes anyone can act as your doula, and the hospital has to accept that.


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## 1hopefull

angel- great question!!! my DH is HORRIBLE at taking pics and only reluctantly does if i ask him at specific times and he has NO eye for it. so i was just kinda preparing myself for bad or no pics. i never thought to ask the doula.

guppy- you have been so helpful thanks! :D


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## Guppy051708

No problem....should i create a thread, perhaps "ask a doula"? 

Also, i just wanted to say if you dont get a doula (for whatever reason) and you are having a hospital birth, i had a nurse take some GREAT photos! I didn't even think to ask, but the camera was out so she took it upon herself to take pictures. That was a blessing! So that could happen too :D or you could ask ahead of time :D


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## 1hopefull

guppy, yes that would be a great thread!


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## Guppy051708

here you are :)

https://www.babyandbump.com/labour-birth/681441-ask-doula-cbe.html#post11850014


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## goddess25

With our first baby we hired a doula and she was lovely. She pulled out about 5 weeks before delivery and initially we were upset, but actually when the time came I was glad that we didn't have one and that it was just hubby and me and to be honest I felt that we didn't really need one. Sorry :( I know they can be fab.. but it turned it we were more than fine without.


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## cranberry987

Hi

Im still in my pregnancy but can say Im so pleased I hired a doula. I booked her early as Im due at Xmas and thought that people might say they werent available. Weve had an initial chat about my preferences and she is super supportive of them, shes suggested additions/things I might want to think about and all that. We keep in contact my text and I let her know how things are going

The main thing which is great is that shes said she will support me at any consultant appointments if I need a bit of extra support to argue my corner or anything. I havent needed that yet and not sure if I will but I feel so much more supported knowing that I have an advocate if I need.


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## Rmar

- Where you glad you did?

Yes. I don't feel I needed her for emotional support but my bathroom looked like a murder zone, afterwards due to PPH and she was the only one brave enough to get in there and clean it up. It was cleaner than before. Also, she took videos. But, for support my husband and friend were a lot better because I trusted them more. She did give good back rubs, though.

- What you wish you knew or asked after?

I wish I could have gotten to know her better but I didn't exactly pay for her so I felt bad for setting up appointments so we didn't get much time.

- Would you hire one again?

Maybe. I could have done fine without her but it was nice to share the experience with people who really enjoyed birth.

- How did your significant other feel about having a doula present?

He was nervous about not being able to rub my back well during labour so he was glad. Pretty much the only fear he had of labour was me getting crappy at him. He is incredibly glad that he didn't have to clean up because he was very faint at the amount of blood.

- Other thoughts?

I would probably go with a student, again. I didn't need emotional support even though I thought I would have before. The main thing I am glad about is letting a student doula and student midwife witness a home birth which they hadn't before.


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