# Want a baby so bad after miscarriage



## Lynda09

Hi all I recently had a very early miscarriage and me and partner are dealing with it now it was very difficult to begin with but the thing is I really want a baby now. The pregnancy was unplanned but now I really want a baby we are both grieving for the baby we lost I understand that baby has gone but I really want to be a mother my OH says he isn't ready for a baby and I know the time is not right as we don't even live together yet or though we will do soon. Im finding it hard one part of me really wants to get pregnant but theres another part of me that knows it can't happen. Does anyone else feel like this im trying to distract my mind but it keeps coming back to the same thing :nope:


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## michkotte

Hello Lynda09,

When did u MC?
It's very difficult not to feel pregnant and you need to wait the time for your body and mind to recover (same for your partner). I completely understand, I had a MC 10 days ago now... Take it easy, relax, and time will help... you will see! Good luuck!


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## Lynda09

I m/c about two months ago and for a long time still felt pregnant I think its only recently ive stopped feeling that way but Im still getting pmt symptoms which are like pregnancy symptoms.


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## Jen_uk

I had a stillborn baby a few years ago and that is exactly how I felt, we did try for a while but didn't get pregnant which in the end was for the best as it was totally the wrong time for us. After a few months the feelings faded and I then decided it was the wrong time for us. Hope you feel better soon.


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## michkotte

Hello Lynda09,

When did u MC?
It's very difficult not to feel pregnant and you need to wait the time for your body and mind to recover (same for your partner). I completely understand, I had a MC 10 days ago now... Take it easy, relax, and time will help... you will see! Good luuck!


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## Delamere19

Hi,

I have never had a MC or indeed been pregnant but my close friend had a MC at 3 months and it took her a while for her body to feel like it wasnt pregnant. I just wanted to express my condolences to you and say that I hope everything works out for you xx

Cath xx:hugs:


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## AS1

So sorry for your loss - I understand how you feel I had my 3rd mc in a row just over 2 months ago and feel soooooo broody right now but I'm forced to wait for test results and a consultant appointment. The feelings may lessen but I find I want a baby more than ever now.....:hugs:


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## hshucksmith

I know exactly how you feel my love! I was unknowingly pregnant, I miscarried at around only 3 weeks. My little angel was completely unplanned and both myself and my other half had decided we'd wait for another year or so before trying to conceive. Both grieving we found ourselves becoming completely baby obsessed, talking about beginning trying to concieve right away. We're waiting for a few more weeks, but I can't stop myself from wandering around Mothercare and pushing out my tummy to make myself look at least 5 months gone!


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## holly81

I'm so sorry for your loss 
I miscarried an unplanned pregnancy at 14 weeks in January. I didn't feel pregnant afterwards - the bump vanished while I was in hosp and once that was gone I just felt empty. I can't believe the love that's *still* inside me for that little baby, I don't think that ever goes away but it does get easier. My TTC date keeps getting pushed back and back for various reasons so I know what you mean about it being hard to think about anything else. But I know that my time will come and my baby will be healthy, happy and gorgeous - as will yours. And it will all be so much more enjoyable when the time's right.
Hope you feel better soon xx


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## Loobs

So sorry to hear of your loss :hugs: I am going through the same as you - but 2 years down the line. I miscarried an unplanned pregnancy at 9 weeks in 2007. I still felt pregnant until I had my period, which was like confirmation that it had happened. I have been broody ever since, I long to have a baby and feel like a part of me is missing which I'm sure you do too.

I know it's not the right time. But part of me doesn't care that I am in full time education, studying for a degree, have no job, that OH stays on the other side of the country. I want a baby now, regardless of all that stuff.

I would start trying for a baby tomorrow if OH suggested it but I know that is unrelatistic. He isn't ready. So I am waiting for him, I was ready 2 years ago.

It is difficult but I find it easier now than 2 years ago. It took a while, the longing for a baby hasn't disappeared, the "what ifs" haven't disappeared. But I am looking to the future now. x


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## Lynda09

Thank you so much for your replies it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Lynda


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## holly81

One thing I've learnt on this forum is that whatever you're thinking or going through, there's plenty of us in the same boat ready to offer support, advice or just a place to vent. Please don't ever feel alone x


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## tigerschild

im sorry for your loss.
i mc in june and it was a big shock for me, i didnt no that i was pregant and it was own actions that caused me mc. i then didnt go back on the pill till just last week and every time my period was a bit late i hoped that i was pg and i really wished that i was. i still dont know how to get over it. even thought i like my life so far i am craving for a baby.


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## destinyfaith

hey lynda!! :) well i have experienced the same as you, m/c with a unplanned pregnacy i was on the pill and wow shock horror it was there!! i never felt pregnant at all but after a couple weeks we adapted to it and become excited, untill 10weeks and i lost my little bean :( very hard to deal with when you just realised your going to be a mum its all taken away, so after of around 10 days of bleeding heavy i did realise i felt pregnant and i become empty inside craving for to have that back .. i nver went on the pill again, but me and my partner are living together that is the only difference, saying that you have a baby for 9 months and yes i might sound redicualious but can you not start to try and concieve and use this time you find somewhere? llike you not going to have a baby tomorrow are you even if you concieve this month :) babys are amazing things and i'm sure you become a very special mammy soon huni xxx


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## shocker

Sorry to hear of your loss your not on your own at all, i think this is an absoloutly natural thing to feel.I recently miscarried and ever since ive been desperate to have a baby.My pregnancy was unplanned but i was very very excited and happy.I know i will have to wait as my boyfriend and i are no longer together.I think you should give yourself some time to heal physically and emotionally as i know i am all over the place at the moment and deep down im fully aware this is not the right time for me personally.If you feel this is the time for you then give yourself time to grieve and then take it one day at a time, i hope you have the baby you truely deserve and your in my thoughts :hugs:


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## bunnyg82

I'm really sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how difficult it is. Just wanted to say welcome to WTT, I know many people in here don't really want to be here as they'd rather be ttc or pregnant/have a baby, but I hope we can make your time here easier :) xx


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## lesleyann

sorry for your loss hun, i had a MC around 8weeks the pregnancy was unplanned and it killed me, 3months later i was pregnant again but i was ready mentally as well as my body getting over it.

I think you just need to wait it out a little bit and have a good chat with your partner about how you feel and he might come around to the idea of trying in a little while 


:hugs:


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## feb182010

It feel very bad when you hear the words you had a miscarriage. I:sad2::sad2::sad2:m 17 years old and i will never forget the feeling. my fiance and i were very devistaded. It was the worst day ever. It was his birthday and I was turning 4 months in 4 days. its been really hard. i know all of the pain and thoughts your going to through. its really really hard. its been 6 months and im still hurting.:cry:.... i havent been able to deal with it and nither has he. we have named him and taken it as were parents. i loved the fact that i was gana be an actual mom. and all of that fell apart. just dont know what to do.


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## 4magpies

Hey honey, I had a MC 2 years ago this month. So I know how you feel.

I have wanted a baby ever since but it wasnt the right time for me and my partner. We will be in the position to TTC in december.

I will have waited 2 and a half years since my MC.

I wouldnt just have a baby because you have had a MC. I would wait till the time is right altho I know how much it hurts waiting.

xxx


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## wtt :)

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## xsophiexleax

I don't know what you're going through hun as I've never been pregnant but just wanna give huge :hugs: :hugs:


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## maybabydoll

Sorry for your loss :hugs:

I had a MC in October and WTT after a loss really hurts. I think once you find out you're pregnant (whether it is planned or not) your mind and body go in to automatic broody mode and even after a loss you can't just switch those feelings off again. Like others on here, I'm also waiting until the time is right again. Stay strong :flower: x x


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## jen_0709

I miscarried at 11 weeks a month ago today. The pain has eased although it is one of the most awful experiences in life. 

Thankfully we have a 19 mth old son who has pulled us through such a bad time but my husband and I were so excited about a little brother or sister for our son.

We hadn't planned a second so soon but like everyone has said your body and emotions are so tuned in to having that baby and it's devastating to have it taken away. 

I still really want to try for another although my husband wants to wait a year. We have compromised at waiting til our wedding anniversary in Feb but it feels such a long time away! 

I know exactly how you feel like so many others do. I keep having to remind myself that we've experienced such a sad loss and it will take time to move on so keep telling myself not to get carried away with feelings. 

All of our times will come one day and when they do it will be wonderful


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## Rikki

I lost a baby at 6 weeks last April, another at 12 weeks in September and another at 19 weeks 5 weeks ago. It's hard not to think about when we can try again. I don't even know if I'm ovulating. I really thought the last one was going to go well and was looking forward to September when he was due. My partner wants to try again too, but we are supposed to wait to see a consultant, but I don't want to wait. I genuinely don't think there is anything wrong, just bad luck. But it's pretty much all I can think about at the moment, especially as lots of my friends have had babies or are having babies and everywhere I go there are pregnant people.


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## SammieGrace

Just wanted to chime in and let you know that I have also had that experience. I had a MC last June, and at first I wanted to try again immediately. I was completely devastated and depressed after the D&C, which was unpleasant on it's own. That pregnancy was unplanned, but we were both very excited. My DH was not sure about trying again so soon, and so we have waited. Over the past 6 months I have gone to counseling to help me deal with the overwhelming sense of loss that I felt. Now that it has been a year since the MC, we have started talking about when to try again. It sounds like September would be the right time for us, but even that is hard. I got sooo excited when he said, "why don't we just have one?" :cloud9:


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## Firefly318073

i really feel for you. Im in exactly the same position except me and OH do live together. I had a miscarriage on saturday , was not a planne dpregnancy and i have a 9 year old son from another relationship. i have been with oh FOR 5 YEARS, Im 33 and feel that time is ticking away. I too really want another child but OH is not ready. i just dont know how to deal with this either.


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## MissyBee

I know exactly how you feel. I'm dealing with the same type of situation right now. I just miscarried at 13 weeks, and it was my first pregnancy. I hadn't ever planned on having children but I fell in love with that little baby and I wanted more than anything to be its mommy. We didn't feel ready for a baby and it was completely unplanned, but now I want so badly to have a child. I know that I am ready now, but OH isn't, and says we can try in a few years. I don't want to wait that long, but I know that it's not my decision to make alone, and it has to be something we both want. I haven't told him yet that I want to be pregnant again, though. I don't feel like there's a point in bringing it up, since I know how he feels already about waiting, and I will not pressure him into anything he's not ready for. It's just really hard trying to handle the pain of losing my baby, and then also still wanting so badly to have a child. I'm sorry you're going through this as well, it's a really terrible feeling.


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## Shabutie

Hi,

:hugs: I am sorry you had to go through that.

I just wanted to share my story, so that you dont feel so alone in your thinking.

I suffered a miscarriage at the end of 2009. Like yours, it was an unplanned pregnancy, but a very wanted one. I lost my baby at around 7-8weeks, and although everyone kept saying, 'oh, its so early on' blah blah blah, to me this was my baby, and now 'he' had gone (I felt like it was a boy) No one really understood this, apart from my OH, as it wasnt their baby, they didnt carry 'him'. I developed depression because of my miscarriage, I just couldnt get over that I lost my baby. I stay awake till the early hours of the morning thinking about everything, and just longing to be pregnant again. As a result I left uni because I had missed too much. I really hope you can avoid anything like this, because it wasnt a nice place to be in. For me, the only way to get out of my depression, I knew was to get pregnant again. Fortunately, my OH agreed as he now longed for a baby, but this wasnt for a good 3-4months after our loss. Maybe your OH needs the time to grieve. This was something that neither me or OH had done, we just had to get on with life, it was comming up xmas, it was meant to be a happy time with family. So I hope after some time, and both you and your OH have grieved that you will then be ready to make the decision.

My daughter really did help me out of my depression, and I am forever grateful to her because of that, I dread to think what I would be like without her. I just hope you can stay positive and try and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I dont know if it would help you, but we brought a little something to remember our lost baby, this really helped us, as it was our way of never forgetting and always recognising what joy the baby brought to our hearts (and now im crying)

:flower:


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## MrsGnt

I am so sorry for everyone's loss, I know how you feel. 
I lost my baby girl at 17 weeks on 26\06\11. We decided not to try again straight away just because it seemed the sensible thing to do. We had to wait until 31\08\11 for the pm results (which showed baby had a reversed gastrosychsis (sp?) but I might have cervical incompetance but we won't know until we try again) 

So in Jan I was thinking about talking to my OH about TTC but my 17 yr old sister in law announced she is expecting so that caused an uproar in the family and I just didn't find the right time. 

I finally asked him last weekend and he said no?!?! He said we should sort the house out first because a few bits and bobs need painting and what have you - but we had re-wiring done 2 1/2 years ago and never had the £ to decorate! How much longer do I have to wait? Does he not realise that we should have a 6 month old anyway? We'll have 9 months to paint a few walls if we try now :( 

I just can't see him changing his mind anytime soon and I can't talk to him about it without crying, by crying I feel like I'm guilting him in to it and he'll end up resenting me and the child. I can barely function without being in tears and I've never felt like this before it's a struggle to get to the end of the day and everytime I wake up I'm disappointed to be still here, childless and pointless and un-womanly. I ache for the baby Ive lost and I ache for the baby I don't have. Why can't he see what this is doing to me? I can't see another year go by without children, it's not an option for me and I just don't know what to do. 

Sorry for going on I sound like a wreck but I'm stuck.. Somebody please just make it go away


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## Tanya12

Mrs gnt, 

I just read your comment and it nearly made me cry, I found out I had a missed miscarriage 10 days ago n had to have an erpc last tues. I understand 100% how you are feeling I can't stop thinking about the baby I lost either, its horrible how one minute u r promised something and the next it is snatched away. 


My miscarriage is so fresh that I am still crying every few hours, my fiance is a typical man and seems to believe that if we try not to think about what we have lost the pain will go sweat. I think men get the raw deal here, just last night we were talking (me crying!) But he explained how he felt a little bit like a piece of furniture thru it all, the dads feel the same emotional loss as us but then they have to watch someone they love suffer phsyically n emotionallly. I think this is prob y your oh is not ready, he probably just doesn't want to have to see you suffer any more, n is probably scared himself. I know I can't stop thinking about trying again, I don't want to replace this baby but I just feel empty inside. Im gonna assume you have no other children so like me you probably feel like a mother in limbo, you should have a child but u don't. That's what hurts me the most that I will never hold that baby, or name them.

I think you should probably just sit down with Oh n talk. Explain how you're feeling , I know most men put things off till they disappear but if you let him know this is important to you, and that you need to make a change he should understand that, he obviously loves you, he is probably just scared.
I hope my mad rambling helps slightly I didn't want to read and run. 
:hugs:


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## 9jawife

Sorry for everyone's losses. I know the OP was written several years ago, but I just wanted to say that I completely identify with wanting to try right away. It felt like the most precious thing in the world-my own baby-was taken from me, while meanwhile other women get to hold their babies. I know a girl who smoked and drank heavily, even in the first month of her pregnancy before she knew, and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl. Why me? Why us? It's not fair.


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