# The Talk. .



## housewifey

Peeking over from toddler section as I only have a 2 year old :)

Just watched 'Diary of a teenage virgin' and it got me wondering what everyone's approach to having the sex talk will be? Or will you not?

Believe it or not, my mother has NEVER talked to me about sex, the result? When I felt ready for sex, I was too scared to go to the doctors to go on the pill, in case she found out! I used condoms occasionally but was mostly having unprotected sex. I got pregnant at 18 and had a miscarriage :( much too young to be dealing with pregnancy with a new boyfriend never mind the loss of a child that nobody wanted me to have.

My approach with my daughter will be much more open. I will talk about sex with her and I want her to know that it is okay to have sex as long as she is protected and in a safe environment, doesn't feel pressured by the boy or peers. Also that she can come to me with any questions, queries, concerns etc she has about sex, realtionships etc.

My OH however will need convincing as he believes we can lock her in her room and she won't have sex until she is 25!

So any opinions???


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## alicecooper

I dunno. My mother also never had "the talk" with me. Well she explained about periods and menopause but never about sex.
I learnt about sex from a friend when I was 8.

My DD is 8 and she knows about periods and menopause and childbirth and pregnancy... but not sex yet. Well I don't think so anyway. Certainly DH and I haven't brought it up. 
TBH I'm not ready to tell her. She's my little girl and I'm just not ready for her to know. I don't want to have that conversation with her. But on the flip side I don't want to avoid it forever and have her find out from other kids.

I dunno it's a hard question. What's the right age? 8? 9? 10? 11? I have no bloody clue.

*sticks head in sand*


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## housewifey

Yeah I would deffo bring up periods, menopause, prganancy and childbirth before. I was hoping to wait until about 14 before having the actual sex talk but it's not realistic, I know through friends little sisters etc that they are talking about sex between friends at 10 and 11! It's a shame how quickly they grow up! Also I don't think their is a right age, it depends on the maturity and understanding of the child also :(


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## kerrie24

My parents never spoke to me either.Even stillI knew what I was doing when I got pregnant at 17,butI have never made an issue of things like that and if my kids ask questions they get honest answers.Im hoping that by reiterating how hard it is raising kids I will never have to deal with becoming a grandma at 37 like my mum did.


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## housewifey

kerrie24 said:


> My parents never spoke to me either.Even stillI knew what I was doing when I got pregnant at 17,butI have never made an issue of things like that and if my kids ask questions they get honest answers.Im hoping that by reiterating how hard it is raising kids I will never have to deal with becoming a grandma at 37 like my mum did.

I always wanted my mum to talk to me but I was too embarrassed to bring it up assuming she was to embarrassed too! Hopefully my daughter will have an openness with me! I don't want to be a granny at 39! o thanks!


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## Vonnie18

My eldest son is 10 and they are getting basic sex education at school. Both my boys know what sex is between school and their friends so when they ask us questions we tell them the truth. I don't see the point in telling them lies or keeping things from them as I'd rather they feel they could come and talk to us about anything. I couldn't ever do that with my Mum x


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## housewifey

yeah I don't agree with cotton wooling it and telling lies. if they feel mature enough to ask a question then they will surely be mature enough to hear the answer :) xx


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## RachA

My approach at the moment is to answer questions as they arrive. 
My son has been told a few basics about periods as he's seen my changing my pads etc. when he asks questions I try to answer as truthfully as possible whilst taking into account how much he needs to know. 

My mum talked to me about periods etc but not much about sex. However I attended church (and still do) and therefore knew about the ideal of waiting until being married etc. as I never dated anyone that wasn't a Christian I never felt pressurised into sex. However I did have sex prior to being married but that was because we were engaged and so I felt it was right.


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## lindseymw

Hopefully I don't have to deal with this for a while!

My parents never had 'the talk' with me. I knew about it from School/friends. I was still responsible when I started having sex though. Went on the Pill, used condoms etc.

I'm planning on doing the talk when Joshua is around 9ish. Kids learn far too much random stuff from other children (if you have sex standing up, you can't get pregnant!) from quite an early age. I would rather they knew the facts from fiction. I'm planning on a basic talk and let them ask whatever questions they want.


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## housewifey

Yup I heard the if you have sex standing up you don't get pregnant! and also if you pee immediately after sex then you won't get pregnant! haha! YEs definitely need to sort fact from fiction. It is so scary how young kids have sex these days!


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## AC1987

My mom couldn't talk to me about ANYTHING. Well I will say she tried to explain a period and I just was clueless to what she was telling me :haha: 

I plan on telling my daughter everything when I feel she has reached the age where she'll comprehend it. Well first I'll tell her about her own body like periods and such :thumbup: but like you I have a LONG way to go.


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## seoj

I approach it with my SD like my Mom did with me- and I'll do the same with my LO as she grows... lucky, my SD is very honest and we have an open relationship- we can talk about anything and everything (she wasn't/isn't able to talk to her bio-mom about these things since she's not around as much and not exactly made the right decisions in life). Even if it's a bit "tough" on me sometimes knowing how much she hears!- LOL- I suck it up as I'm the adult. If she asks questions, I'm always honest with her (age appropriate of course)-- and as kids grow, they do see and understand things on new and different levels- so it's not a "one time" chat. I've had MANY over the years with my SD- who's now 16. So even more important now! LOL. I always just take the opporunities as they arrise-- if she mentioned someone at school told her something about sex (or along those lines)- we have a candid conversation. I want her to value her viginity- not hide it away till she's 25 (not exaclty realistic) haha- but I want her to know her feelings and body are important and should be respected at all times by any guy she dates. Period. I want her to be self assured and empowered to stand up for herself. Which, although not just about sex, I think it's all connected. 

IDK- my Mom was always open and honest with me. Candid if needed. And I really appreciated that- and the friends who's parents didn't talk to them about sex or relationships were the ones doing it at 14 and taking risks they shouldn't have. While I was older (not old I was almost 18 and in a commited relationship with my first real boyfriend for 2yrs)-- so this is just my own experience... and two cents, for what that's worth ;)


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## LaughOutLoud

seoj said:


> I approach it with my SD like my Mom did with me- and I'll do the same with my LO as she grows... lucky, my SD is very honest and we have an open relationship- we can talk about anything and everything (she wasn't/isn't able to talk to her bio-mom about these things since she's not around as much and not exactly made the right decisions in life). Even if it's a bit "tough" on me sometimes knowing how much she hears!- LOL- I suck it up as I'm the adult. If she asks questions, I'm always honest with her (age appropriate of course)-- and as kids grow, they do see and understand things on new and different levels- so it's not a "one time" chat. I've had MANY over the years with my SD- who's now 16. So even more important now! LOL. I always just take the opporunities as they arrise-- if she mentioned someone at school told her something about sex (or along those lines)- we have a candid conversation. I want her to value her viginity- not hide it away till she's 25 (not exaclty realistic) haha- but *I want her to know her feelings and body are important and should be respected at all times by any guy she dates. Period. I want her to be self assured and empowered to stand up for herself. Which, although not just about sex, I think it's all connected*.

Excellent way of putting it and the best way IMO too :thumbup:

Im always age appropriate honest with DD and though she is only about to be 4 in a week, I want to continue with this approach. My mum never spoke to me about anything and I struggled so much, more so in my adult life as I didnt know who to turn to for advice. Re sex, dont know when the time will come when we have to talk about it but im sure when it does it will be something discussed and come back to time and again. I learnt about sex when at primary school so before I was 10 and I was so shocked at what grown ups did! :haha:


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## JASMAK

For sure. My kids knew when they were five. I mean, whats the big deal? Its not shameful, or dirty. We dont have to go into a porn like version if it. Basically said it like this

When a woman and a man love each other very much, they sometimes like to kiss and hug. A mans penis gets hard, and it goes in the vagina. They do this to show love and sometimes to make a baby. A mans penis has the sperm, and the woman has the egg. The egg needs the sperm to make a baby, so that is one reason why the penis goes in there.

I said something like that. It really doesnt need to be a big deal. My kids have a puberty/sex/hormones book each (geared for either boy or girl) and they know (because I tell them) that they can ask me questions. 

I want my children to know about their bodies, the functions, and not feel ashamed or dirty. Its like talking about why we brush our teeth, or why our elbows are rough. Its not a secret.

We also have talked about ok touching, not ok touching (anything that makes us feel uncomfortable) and thats importnant too, to prevent abuse, which can happen at ANY age, so imo, the ealier they know these rhings, the better and safer they will be.


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## housewifey

JASMAK said:


> For sure. My kids knew when they were five. I mean, whats the big deal? Its not shameful, or dirty. We dont have to go into a porn like version if it. Basically said it like this
> 
> When a woman and a man love each other very much, they sometimes like to kiss and hug. A mans penis gets hard, and it goes in the vagina. They do this to show love and sometimes to make a baby. A mans penis has the sperm, and the woman has the egg. The egg needs the sperm to make a baby, so that is one reason why the penis goes in there.
> 
> I said something like that. It really doesnt need to be a big deal. My kids have a puberty/sex/hormones book each (geared for either boy or girl) and they know (because I tell them) that they can ask me questions.
> 
> I want my children to know about their bodies, the functions, and not feel ashamed or dirty. Its like talking about why we brush our teeth, or why our elbows are rough. Its not a secret.
> 
> We also have talked about ok touching, not ok touching (anything that makes us feel uncomfortable) and thats importnant too, to prevent abuse, which can happen at ANY age, so imo, the ealier they know these rhings, the better and safer they will be.

Yeah perfect! You're totally doing the right thing :) What you said too seoj, sounds like you're all doing great with your children already :)


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## alicecooper

JASMAK said:


> For sure. My kids knew when they were five. I mean, whats the big deal? Its not shameful, or dirty. We dont have to go into a porn like version if it. Basically said it like this
> 
> When a woman and a man love each other very much, they sometimes like to kiss and hug. A mans penis gets hard, and it goes in the vagina. They do this to show love and sometimes to make a baby. A mans penis has the sperm, and the woman has the egg. The egg needs the sperm to make a baby, so that is one reason why the penis goes in there.
> 
> I said something like that. It really doesnt need to be a big deal. My kids have a puberty/sex/hormones book each (geared for either boy or girl) and they know (because I tell them) that they can ask me questions.
> 
> I want my children to know about their bodies, the functions, and not feel ashamed or dirty. Its like talking about why we brush our teeth, or why our elbows are rough. Its not a secret.
> 
> We also have talked about ok touching, not ok touching (anything that makes us feel uncomfortable) and thats importnant too, to prevent abuse, which can happen at ANY age, so imo, the ealier they know these rhings, the better and safer they will be.

Wow. I guess we're very different because I think that's way too much information for a child of 5 and totally unnecessary for them to know that a penis enters a vagina at this age. Why do they need to know so young? A 5 year old has no sexual urges so it simply isn't necessary to be so specific.


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## JASMAK

Different? lol.... Well, I don't have two heads....and Im not slutty. Is there something wrong with the function of a penis and vagina? My kids asked how a baby was made (I was pregnant), so, I told them. But the sex education curriculum gives the same info in schools, which starts at 5 years. My friend is actually a sex educator and says the earlier, the better. She teaches sex ed in primary schools, and she provided me with advice, books, and resources on how to answer my children's questions. Sounds pretty normal to me!


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## Kate&Lucas

I've not really thought about it. My mum was really open with us so we could ask her anything, I don't ever remember one specific 'talk' but I knew what happened from a young age.
I don't mind being cutesy about it for now though. As far as Lucas is concerned, daddy put him in mummy's belly where he stayed until he grew big enough to come out. How did he get in there? Through the belly button of course :blush:

I've not planned to talk about anything specific at any one time, I'll just tell him gradually when I feel he needs to know.

Where I used to work we once somehow got onto a discussion about the birds and the bees, quite a few of the fellas (late 20s-30s) genuinely believed that a woman couldn't get pregnant if she was on top :rofl:
The responses from many of the mothers on our team were just amazing :lol:


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## alicecooper

JASMAK said:


> Different? lol.... Well, I don't have two heads....and Im not slutty. Is there something wrong with the function of a penis and vagina? My kids asked how a baby was made (I was pregnant), so, I told them. But the sex education curriculum gives the same info in schools, which starts at 5 years. My friend is actually a sex educator and says the earlier, the better. She teaches sex ed in primary schools, and she provided me with advice, books, and resources on how to answer my children's questions. Sounds pretty normal to me!

We're different in our approach, and in what we think is age appropriate.


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## Lostio

I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.

I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.

I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.

In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.

The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.


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## alicecooper

Lostio said:


> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.

Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.

A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.

Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?

Children have always tried to emulate their parents.

There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.


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## JASMAK

alicecooper said:


> Lostio said:
> 
> 
> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
> 
> Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.
> 
> A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
> But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.
> 
> Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?
> 
> Children have always tried to emulate their parents.
> 
> There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.Click to expand...

What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.


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## Kate&Lucas

alicecooper said:


> Lostio said:
> 
> 
> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
> 
> Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.
> 
> A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
> But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.
> 
> Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?
> 
> Children have always tried to emulate their parents.
> 
> There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.Click to expand...

That's actually a good point.


Spoiler
It's not something I really want to be saying on the public forum but I first learned about sex about age 5/6 from someone older than me who only told me what it was and that 'mummies and daddies' did it to make babies. Of course the first thing I did was tried it out with my friends. If I was told my parents could do it and not me, I instantly wanted to do it. Same as I picked up an old cigarette stump age 3/4 and tried to smoke it, or snuck into the alcohol cupboard age 7 and had a swig. Because I knew what it was, and I knew I shouldn't do it, I wanted to. I think most kids are the same that way.
Might be different if they're learning it from their parents. Well I don't know. I just know I saw the world a bit differently after finding out about it, if that makes sense. I don't want Lucas learning about it too young.


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## aimee-lou

way i see it....

if my sons ask a question they get the correct answer. i agree that 5 is a bit young to be talking logistics as such, but if the questions went that way I'd answer them. i expect that by 8/9 they'll need or want to know- think we had sex ed at 10 but sure it's earlier nowadays. i wouldn't be happy with my boys finding out entirely through school like i did so I'll probably pre empt a bit. also, school and books don't cover the emotional side which is to me just as, if not more , important to understand. my 3, i hope will understand the full set of consequences.


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## SerenityNow

IME you can't both wait until they are 8/9 years old *and* honestly answer questions when they ask you because they ask the questions at 3/4/5 years old and by the time they are 8/9/10 the last thing they want to do is talk to their parents about sex. By 8 or 9 they will have pieced a lot of it together (accurately or not) and will be well aware that the subject is taboo. 

I say this as someone who waited until my eldest was 10 and my younger one was 7 before I went further than there are mommy cells and daddy cells and when they come together it makes a baby. They would have rather had dental work than have that conversation, but it had to be done. I couldn't in good conscience let other 8/9/10 year olds be my DDs main source of information which is basically what will happen if you wait that long. With my youngest child I will be answering his questions-- in an age appropriate way, but not leaving out that the penis and vagina fit together-- when he asks them.


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## SerenityNow

alicecooper said:


> Lostio said:
> 
> 
> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
> 
> Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.
> 
> A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
> But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.
> 
> Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?
> 
> Children have always tried to emulate their parents.
> 
> There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.Click to expand...


Here's the big difference-- children emulate what they SEE. They don't SEE their parents having sex. They don't emulate what is told to them as information. I have given my children all sorts of information about the natural world and they have never expressed any interest in photosynthesizing or revolving around the sun or even making more special germ eating cells to fight their illnesses. 

I honestly think that is an absolutely absurd argument.


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## alicecooper

SerenityNow said:


> alicecooper said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lostio said:
> 
> 
> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
> 
> Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.
> 
> A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
> But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.
> 
> Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?
> 
> Children have always tried to emulate their parents.
> 
> There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Here's the big difference-- children emulate what they SEE. They don't SEE their parents having sex. They don't emulate what is told to them as information. I have given my children all sorts of information about the natural world and they have never expressed any interest in photosynthesizing or revolving around the sun or even making more special germ eating cells to fight their illnesses.
> 
> I honestly think that is an absolutely absurd argument.Click to expand...

You can think it's an absurd argument all you like. We shall agree to disagree.


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## alicecooper

JASMAK said:


> alicecooper said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lostio said:
> 
> 
> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
> 
> Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.
> 
> A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
> But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.
> 
> Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?
> 
> Children have always tried to emulate their parents.
> 
> There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.Click to expand...
> 
> What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.Click to expand...

Yes I'm serious. Last summer I had to deal with 2 six year olds in my house (not my own children - neighbours kids) pulling down their pants and lying on top of each other, whilst the girl shouted "I'm said sex, I'm having sex".

They were playing upstairs at the time. They were MEANT to be playing board games! We were downstairs. My 8 year old daughter and her 8 year old friend, who were also upstairs at the time told me about it. I then had to go and speak to their parents about it.

Not a position I wanted to be put in at all.

This is what happens when kids learn about things that are too mature for them to deal with.

(Bizarrely it didn't lead to any of my kids asking any questions about sex...which was odd but there we go).


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## RachA

I'm agreeing with Alice here. I advocate being honest but I also think you need to work out exactly what a child needs to know. My son has been me changing my pad so we have talked about why I'm bleeding (the answer being that it means I am able to have babies, he was about 4 when he asked so I didn't think he needed to know about the whole I'm not pregnant therefore the lining of my womb is *can't think what the word is* lol) At that stage I didn't believe he needed to know about where a penis goes etc. to me a 5year old has no need to know that. 

I find it interesting that over the years the age for sex ed at school has lowered and the openness in general between parents and children has increased and yet we are seeing children having sexual experiences at younger and younger ages, underage sex hadn't gone down and neither has teen pregnancies. Something doesn't add up to me.


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## JASMAK

alicecooper said:


> JASMAK said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> alicecooper said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lostio said:
> 
> 
> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
> 
> Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.
> 
> A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
> But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.
> 
> Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?
> 
> Children have always tried to emulate their parents.
> 
> There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.Click to expand...
> 
> What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.Click to expand...
> 
> Yes I'm serious. Last summer I had to deal with 2 six year olds in my house (not my own children - neighbours kids) pulling down their pants and lying on top of each other, whilst the girl shouted "I'm said sex, I'm having sex".
> 
> They were playing upstairs at the time. They were MEANT to be playing board games! We were downstairs. My 8 year old daughter and her 8 year old friend, who were also upstairs at the time told me about it. I then had to go and speak to their parents about it.
> 
> Not a position I wanted to be put in at all.
> 
> This is what happens when kids learn about things that are too mature for them to deal with.
> 
> (Bizarrely it didn't lead to any of my kids asking any questions about sex...which was odd but there we go).Click to expand...

That is actually a sign of sexual abuse, not education of body parts. (Or serious lack of education) There is a big difference. Plus, it is NORMAL for children to be curious of body parts. My children also know that their privates are theirs and for no one else to touch. They also know that it is not appropriate to touch others. I am sorry you feel that way about your children. But, if you don't think they can handle it, thats for you to decide. My kids are mature and at 10 and almost 9, they are able to understand the basics and understand so as not to run off and screw their friends.


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## JASMAK

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/sex-education/CC00076

https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2013/05/07/at-what-age-should-sex-education-begin

"The good news is that there may be some really significant rewards to having &#8220;the talk&#8221; (or many talks) with your children &#8211; and earlier rather than later seems to be best. For example, children whose parents discuss sex with them are more likely to use contraception when they decide to have sex later.1 And &#8211; importantly &#8211;no data suggest that talking with kids about sex makes them want to go out and &#8220;do it&#8221; (the thing is, they usually already want to!). Let us repeat: Sex education does not increase sexual activity.2" https://www.scienceofrelationships....lementary-aged-kids-your-questions-answe.html

https://www.sieccan.org/pdf/she_q&a_3rd.pdf


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## JASMAK

And teen pregnancy is on decline, at least where I live....where we teach sex education
https://m.sexualityandu.ca/?ref=htt...tics1/statistics-on-canadian-teen-pregnancies


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## aimee-lou

I agree with Alice - there's a difference between knowing about body parts and functions and knowing about sex as an act. I don't think it's the place for children to know about these things until they are able to comprehend all facets, not just the physical. 

Personally, I'm not saying I'll wait until 9 and then sit them down at the dinner table. I know that's not how it works. However, I'm certainly not going to give my little boy information he has no need for or true understanding of. 

The reason I feel this way is because at 8 I was given a 'talk' at school about periods. I was too young to really understand the full concept and spent the next 3 years frightened to death that one day I would start to bleed and it wouldn't stop. It wasn't until a friend started her period, and she came back to school (I was at boarding school) that this myth was dispelled. 

My parents never actively talked to me about anything (until I was 16, lost my virginity in a not-so-nice way and was threatened with physical violence by my step-dad if I ever repeated it). 

If my boys have questions I answer them, but I can't see a value for talking about where things go and why until they are at least a couple of years older (in age, physical development and emotionally) and able to absorb the information properly.


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## Joss_Taylor

My parents never had 'the talk' with me. And I had an older half sister but she knew our Dad would kill her if she told me. My Mum made my grandmother read me a picture book about it when I was 11. I was very sheltered and horrified when she told me. On the flip side, the act itself scared me, I waited until I was 17. I told myself that something like that was only gonna happen with one boy, when I was 11 because I couldn't imagine anyone seeing that much of me. Sure enough, my high school sweet heart and I have been together four and a half years, I kept my promise. 

I'm so happy I don't have to deal with that talk for a long time but I hope our children are sheltered and decide to save it for the one person they want to spend there life with.


----------



## alicecooper

JASMAK said:


> alicecooper said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> JASMAK said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> alicecooper said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lostio said:
> 
> 
> I am definitely all for being as honest as possible and without letting it wait too long.
> 
> I believe all notions of sex have been way too stigmatized and the idea of such topics being "age-appropriate" or not is a bit over-the-top. It's never a question of what the topic itself is, it's just how you present it and how you talk about it.
> 
> I agree that it's quite alright to talk about sex with your kids, even at an age as young as 5 years old, considering you do it with the appropriate tone and approach. Simply say things how they are, and make it clear to them that it's not such a big deal.
> 
> In fact, the sooner they learn about this type of stuff and learn to be OK with it, the better it will be in the long-run, I believe. If you postpone it too much, your child will eventually start to feel a bit awkward to run these things by their parents and may start doing bad decisions.
> 
> The best approach is, in my opinion, honesty and openness. Let your kid know you're perfectly alright with discussing the topic and that it shouldn't be looked at as a feared taboo.
> 
> Or alternatively they could look at it as being totally normal from a young age, and therefore start doing it at a young age themselves. Because children are by nature curious.
> 
> A child of 5 wouldn't even dream of putting a penis in a vagina ordinarily. Those things are just for peeing as far as they're concerned.
> But you tell a child of 5 that this is what grown-ups do, and the chances of them wanting to be "just like a grown-up" and do the things that grown-ups do, and testing this out, suddenly increases.
> 
> Haven't you ever witnessed a little child trying on mummy's high heels, or putting on makeup 'just like mummy', or pretending to smoke a cigarette 'like daddy does'?
> 
> Children have always tried to emulate their parents.
> 
> There's simply no need to introduce a child to the ins-and-outs of sex unless you are willing to take the chance that they'll end up testing it out.Click to expand...
> 
> What?? Are you serious? My kids haven't. Who would they do it with, and where and when? I told my kids yrs ago...they dont talk about it, they arent interested in even talking about people in a dating or like even....so, I dont think so. Maybe if it was too much, or in a manner that explicit? In the schools here, they teach the same info I told my kids starting at age 5, so I am pretty sure epidemic if that was the case.Click to expand...
> 
> Yes I'm serious. Last summer I had to deal with 2 six year olds in my house (not my own children - neighbours kids) pulling down their pants and lying on top of each other, whilst the girl shouted "I'm said sex, I'm having sex".
> 
> They were playing upstairs at the time. They were MEANT to be playing board games! We were downstairs. My 8 year old daughter and her 8 year old friend, who were also upstairs at the time told me about it. I then had to go and speak to their parents about it.
> 
> Not a position I wanted to be put in at all.
> 
> This is what happens when kids learn about things that are too mature for them to deal with.
> 
> (Bizarrely it didn't lead to any of my kids asking any questions about sex...which was odd but there we go).Click to expand...
> 
> That is actually a sign of sexual abuse, not education of body parts. (Or serious lack of education) There is a big difference. Plus, it is NORMAL for children to be curious of body parts. My children also know that their privates are theirs and for no one else to touch. They also know that it is not appropriate to touch others. I am sorry you feel that way about your children. But, if you don't think they can handle it, thats for you to decide. My kids are mature and at 10 and almost 9, they are able to understand the basics and understand so as not to run off and screw their friends.Click to expand...

big difference between 9 and 10 than there is to 5. I never said a 10 year old couldn't handle it. I also didn't bring _my own_ children into it. It's not MY children which were simulating sex.


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