# No more Update page 9



## rainbows_x

babies for me, ever.
He said he'd think about it & he has & wants no more for definite.

I can't imagine Ava being an only child. I'm 20 and I'm already done having children.

He barely wants anything to do with LO now, fed her for the first time just now and asked me to take her back straight after, never holds her, nothing.

:cry:


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## leoniebabey

aww hun :hugs:
i couldnt imagine how you must feel 
although i cant say for sure now if i will have more i'd always like to know the option is there IYKWIM 
did he say why he doesnt want more? maby you need to have a chat about why you do want more and why he doesnt and see if you can talk it over


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## divershona

^^wss


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## rainbows_x

leoniebabey said:


> aww hun :hugs:
> i couldnt imagine how you must feel
> although i cant say for sure now if i will have more i'd always like to know the option is there IYKWIM
> did he say why he doesnt want more? maby you need to have a chat about why you do want more and why he doesnt and see if you can talk it over

That's what it's like, I'd like to start TTC in a year, but I said I'm willing to wait 5+ years.
He said he's never wanted children and just doesn't want any.

It's just so unfair, he doesn't want children, I do. But his decision is the one we go with? :/


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## x__amour

Donna... :hugs:
Maybe he'll change his mind in a couple of years? :shrug: Don't give up hope! :flower:


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## annawrigley

I wouldn't be able to be with someone who didn't want more children... It's all I've ever wanted! He doesn't sound like much of a father tbh. I'm sorry :hugs:


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## rainbows_x

x__amour said:


> Donna... :hugs:
> Maybe he'll change his mind in a couple of years? :shrug: Don't give up hope! :flower:

He's said there's no way, not a single chance.
Same with engagement, never going to happen.

I just never pictured it like this, one baby, not married I will always be his girlfriend. I know he never really wanted this be we were NTNP, he knew it would happen eventually, he always feels the need to say how he hates his life and has actually told me I have ruined his life.


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## Thaynes

I'm sorry. :hugs: That has to be hard. My OH was like that until we had our LO. He didn't want any children at all now I don't think he would change a thing. He doesn't actually want anymore but we have a middle ground. I wanted 4 he wants 1 so we are going to have two or three. I agree with the above comment about not being sure Id be w/ him. But I don't know what Id so in your shoes. i really am sorry though.


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## Char&Bump-x

I'm not being harsh but if he's told you he never wants to marry you, never wants more kids and is a crappy father to the baby he already has, why would you want to stay with someone like that when you clearly want to do things differently?


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## Ablaski17

Tbh he dosent sound much like a father figure or want much to do with Ava. If you want more in life than he does maybe you & him should go your separate ways. You can't hold back your life for someone else you need to do what you want Hun! Hugsss xxx


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## rainbows_x

annawrigley said:


> I wouldn't be able to be with someone who didn't want more children... It's all I've ever wanted! He doesn't sound like much of a father tbh. I'm sorry :hugs:

It's all I've wanted aswel.

When we frst got together he said no children & no marriage and I had to seriously think if I wanted to be with him, I decided I was because I thought I could change him. Then everything just kind of happened.

I want children, but wth him, I can't imagine leaving him.


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## annawrigley

:hugs:

It makes me really sad for you! I don't mean to sound patronising. But you seem so unhappy, and he sounds awful (again, sorry) I know you feel bound to him and you love him and everything but if you read this thread from an outside perspective... He doesn't want more children, or even Ava seemingly, he never does anything for her, he never wants to get married, he's told you you ruined his life!!

You & Ava deserve better xx


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## x__amour

:|
That's such a difficult situation... Can't even imagine what you're feeling like right now. But if you're not happy and there are different and bigger things you want to fulfill in your life, I don't know... :shrug:


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## rainbows_x

annawrigley said:


> :hugs:
> 
> It makes me really sad for you! I don't mean to sound patronising. But you seem so unhappy, and he sounds awful (again, sorry) I know you feel bound to him and you love him and everything but if you read this thread from an outside perspective... He doesn't want more children, or even Ava seemingly, he never does anything for her, he never wants to get married, he's told you you ruined his life!!
> 
> You & Ava deserve better xx

No, you're totally right.

I am unhappy, it changes often, I think I have slight PND, tried talking to HV about it and they shrugged it off saying I needed to get out more and have time to myself (pfft I wish, I am with Ava 24/7, not that I don't like it but I wouldn't mind having a wee on my own) I have really bad confidence and had counselling around 2 years ago which did bugger all.

He's said he would never leave because he loves me. I ask him why he's with me and he says he loves me. He neer shows affection or anything. He won't have a proper talk with me either, he never tells me how he feels.


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## stephx

:hugs: 

Maybe he's just not not the guy for you (I mean that in the nicest possible way) you just seem like you want totally different things in life, and hes not willing to compromise at all :shrug:

How are things going about moving to your house? Is he excited bout that? X


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## rainbows_x

stephx said:


> :hugs:
> 
> Maybe he's just not not the guy for you (I mean that in the nicest possible way) you just seem like you want totally different things in life, and hes not willing to compromise at all :shrug:
> 
> How are things going about moving to your house? Is he excited bout that? X

He seems happy about it.

I am the one doing all the packing up, buying things for the house, but he does seem happy, saying where he wants certain things etc.

I think moving would help, as living with his MIL isn't an ideal situation.

I just can't imagine anyone but him, I sometimes think I miss the attention I used to get (working in a resturant, lots of uni guys flirting lol) and I don't get that anymore, even from OH.


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## leoniebabey

rainbows_x said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> :hugs:
> 
> It makes me really sad for you! I don't mean to sound patronising. But you seem so unhappy, and he sounds awful (again, sorry) I know you feel bound to him and you love him and everything but if you read this thread from an outside perspective... He doesn't want more children, or even Ava seemingly, he never does anything for her, he never wants to get married, he's told you you ruined his life!!
> 
> You & Ava deserve better xx
> 
> No, you're totally right.
> 
> I am unhappy, it changes often, I think I have slight PND, tried talking to HV about it and they shrugged it off saying I needed to get out more and have time to myself (pfft I wish, I am with Ava 24/7, not that I don't like it but I wouldn't mind having a wee on my own) I have really bad confidence and had counselling around 2 years ago which did bugger all.
> 
> He's said he would never leave because he loves me. I ask him why he's with me and he says he loves me. He neer shows affection or anything. He won't have a proper talk with me either, he never tells me how he feels.Click to expand...

That sounds a bit like my relationship was with my EX 
he never said he loved me he never wanted to take me out ect.
We split up for other reasons but he really dragged me down. I always felt like if i left him i'd never find anyone else because he made me feel like that so i just stuck with him even though i could have done so much better.
I know about the 'having time to yourself thing too' i always feel guiltly like he's MY baby so i should be doing everything but i wouldnt mind a trip to the hairdressers this year! 

I think you need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel maby he just doesnt see how it's affecting you. 

If you still think you have PND hunny then really push them, maby talk things through with your Dr ? see if they listen, HV's are stupid they wont listen to me neither say im making up how much he cries


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## rainbows_x

leoniebabey said:


> That sounds a bit like my relationship was with my EX
> he never said he loved me he never wanted to take me out ect.
> We split up for other reasons but he really dragged me down. I always felt like if i left him i'd never find anyone else because he made me feel like that so i just stuck with him even though i could have done so much better.
> I know about the 'having time to yourself thing too' i always feel guiltly like he's MY baby so i should be doing everything but i wouldnt mind a trip to the hairdressers this year!
> 
> I think you need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel maby he just doesnt see how it's affecting you.
> 
> If you still think you have PND hunny then really push them, maby talk things through with your Dr ? see if they listen, HV's are stupid they wont listen to me neither say im making up how much he cries

I really don't think I will find anyone like him in some ways, & I can't imagine him being with another girl, that would destroy me. 

I have good days and I have awful days, todays been an awful one, Ava is teething horribly, my dad messed up my guarantor form, and my ex just had a daughter today.

He's gone down for a fag now, well he's been down there for 30 minutes now.
I will talk to him when he comes up, but I don't know what to say.

My Dr is worse than my HV, I'm going clinic tomorrow so will talk to one of the nicer HV's. x


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## leoniebabey

rainbows_x said:


> leoniebabey said:
> 
> 
> That sounds a bit like my relationship was with my EX
> he never said he loved me he never wanted to take me out ect.
> We split up for other reasons but he really dragged me down. I always felt like if i left him i'd never find anyone else because he made me feel like that so i just stuck with him even though i could have done so much better.
> I know about the 'having time to yourself thing too' i always feel guiltly like he's MY baby so i should be doing everything but i wouldnt mind a trip to the hairdressers this year!
> 
> I think you need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel maby he just doesnt see how it's affecting you.
> 
> If you still think you have PND hunny then really push them, maby talk things through with your Dr ? see if they listen, HV's are stupid they wont listen to me neither say im making up how much he cries
> 
> I really don't think I will find anyone like him in some ways, & I can't imagine him being with another girl, that would destroy me.
> 
> I have good days and I have awful days, todays been an awful one, Ava is teething horribly, my dad messed up my guarantor form, and my ex just had a daughter today.
> 
> He's gone down for a fag now, well he's been down there for 30 minutes now.
> I will talk to him when he comes up, but I don't know what to say.
> 
> My Dr is worse than my HV, I'm going clinic tomorrow so will talk to one of the nicer HV's. xClick to expand...

I can totally realte somtimes i have great days and some days just go like shit! tbh i have more bad days then good atm. I hope your talk goes well and i hope that a nice HV will listen to you and help you out xx


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## Hotbump

oh hun :hugs:


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## amygwen

From what you've told us in the past hun, I wouldn't want any more children with him anyways. He doesn't seem like a very good person to you and your daughter, you deserve a lot better than that. Also, if he's wanting something different in his life than what you want, maybe it's a good time to realize you should leave him? I'm 20 too, and I definitely want more kids (far down the road), I wouldn't stay with someone that was completely opposite than me.


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## lizardbreath

> It's just so unfair, he doesn't want children, I do. But his decision is the one we go with? :/

You should compermise (its spelled wrong but you get the point) and do what my parents did, My dad wanted two my mom wanted none , So they had my two my sister and me lol great compermise. 

Maybe he will change his mind I mean there is lots of time still your little girls only 5 months


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## Desi's_lost

Doesnt seem fair that he isnt even taking care of the child he has. =/


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## Sarah10

:hugs: You + Ava deserve much better, has your confidence been down since you got with your O/h?

It's easy looking in from the outside, i know exactly what i'd do, i'd pack my bags and live in a cardboard box than be with someone who didn't treat me very well. It's hard though when you love someone, you want them to change, and think they will. xxx


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## annawrigley

I really don't think this is something you can compromise about. It's a human life, and if he doesn't want any it wouldn't be fair to bring one into the world. But of course it's not fair that you can't have the children you want!!

It's really hard, I don't know what to say because looking in from the outside it's so clear to me you would be so much happier without him, but then I know when your confidence is that low you feel like you need someone and wouldn't be able to get someone else. I just really think it would be in your best interests to leave him. Like leonie said he's dragging you down, you say you might have slight pnd now I'm no doctor lol but it sounds more likely it's him making you feel that way from being so unaffectionate and useless! I thought I had pnd for a while and maybe I did but it was definitely at least partly combined with depression from how he treated me, which I'd had long before Noah was even conceived! Hope things get better for you! Xxx


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## Jem_x3

He sounds like a barrel of laughs :/ No offence hunny but you both want different things and if he's not interested in the child he already has why would you want to have another with him? You deserve so much better than that. You deserve to feel loved and happy and not be stuck in a dead end relationship. It sounds like you're not going anywhere forward once you've moved in, is that really what you want? To be stuck forever? I dunno, I know you love him, it's easier said than done to leave but I think you should really think about what's best. Big :hugs:


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## Sarah10

Also you are only young, of course its normal to still want more kids x


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## KaceysMummy

Aww :hugs:
This doesn't seem the greatest of environments to bring another baby into tbh and it seems like you could probably have an other baby and he doesn't even care enough to even notice...
You really need to think if this is what you want in life? not just for you but your LO, if he's saying thats all he wants then thats all yous are getting...he seems like he's not gonna change his mind.
I would be more concerned about your daughter and how he already doesn't show her the amount of love he should, it would be the exact same for any other baby you give him.
Basically your living like a singe mum, living in hope that one day he's going to grow up. 
I suppose any 'dick' can make a baby, but it takes a man to be a daddy. (sorry for swearing and hope nobodys offended by that...)

You deserve better hun, you and you daughter!

:flower:xxx


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## rainbows_x

He's driving me crazy today.

I woke and got Ava a bottle ready, I asked him to get up and ready for clinic and I'd feed her, I asked him to change her afterwards and he got in such a mood! 
We're going out later to do the last bit at the letting agencey and yo pick a couple bits up, I'm dreading it, he won't talk to me & if he does it's to moan about something.

We talked lastnight in bed and he said if I really want to get married we would, but I don't want that. I want him to ask me and mean it, on one knee with a ring and with the intent of a wedding, just what every girl wants I think.

He said he loves Ava, but his thoughts on that seem to change daily. He said he can barely cope with her, let alone any more.


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## faolan5109

rainbows_x said:


> He's driving me crazy today.
> 
> I woke and got Ava a bottle ready, I asked him to get up and ready for clinic and I'd feed her, I asked him to change her afterwards and he got in such a mood!
> We're going out later to do the last bit at the letting agencey and yo pick a couple bits up, I'm dreading it, he won't talk to me & if he does it's to moan about something.
> 
> We talked lastnight in bed and he said if I really want to get married we would, but I don't want that. I want him to ask me and mean it, on one knee with a ring and with the intent of a wedding, just what every girl wants I think.
> 
> He said he loves Ava, but his thoughts on that seem to change daily. He said he can barely cope with her, let alone any more.

I didnt want to read and run.... HUn he sounds like an ex of mine. YOu and your daughter deserve better then him. I understand how much you love with I felt the same way about my sons Bio-dad. It started out this way when I was pregnant and it only got worse, terriably worse. I dont want to see you hurt like that no one deserves that. I knwo you are feeling low right now but you are a strong and a mom now. Ava needs you to be happy and healthyso she will be the same. Babies feed so much of of our emotions and she is stuck inbetween that tension I can tell you its not good. The sooner you leave and move on with your life the easier it is to move on. Their is someone out there who will love you and Ava as much if not more so then this guy, who will have your same veiws on life. And just because you guys are apart does not mean he cant still llove and be a good dad to Ava. ITs you desision either way, but I really dont want to see you or Ava hurt. 

Sorry to rant just really tugged at my heart strings there.:hugs::hugs:


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## Rhio92

annawrigley said:


> I wouldn't be able to be with someone who didn't want more children... It's all I've ever wanted! He doesn't sound like much of a father tbh. I'm sorry :hugs:

Ditto :hugs:
You need to think about what's more important to you; being with him, or having more children :hugs2: x


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## MissMamma

Oh hun :hugs:
I know exactly where your coming from and I know how hard it is to get out (i still haven't either). I dont know what to tell you, I am no good example being in a v similar situation I just wanted to offer you hugs and love..xx


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## rainbows_x

Rhio92 said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> I wouldn't be able to be with someone who didn't want more children... It's all I've ever wanted! He doesn't sound like much of a father tbh. I'm sorry :hugs:
> 
> Ditto :hugs:
> You need to think about what's more important to you; being with him, or having more children :hugs2: xClick to expand...

Both of those things are important to me :/ I really can't make a decision like that. I love him to pieces, he can be amazing at times, but half the time he makes me feel shit. I don't know if I overreact with it though.



MissMammaToBe said:


> Oh hun :hugs:
> I know exactly where your coming from and I know how hard it is to get out (i still haven't either). I dont know what to tell you, I am no good example being in a v similar situation I just wanted to offer you hugs and love..xx

I don't wan't to get out :cry: I just want us to want the same things.
I just pictured us having children, getting married, just to be "normal" :/

He was a little better today, we didn't speak the whole way into town. I did all the tidying when we came home (as usual) and he's now ignoring me on the computer.


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## v2007

I agree wth Char. 

:hugs:

V xx


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## Sarah10

MissMammaToBe said:


> Oh hun :hugs:
> I know exactly where your coming from and I know how hard it is to get out (i still haven't either). I dont know what to tell you, I am no good example being in a v similar situation I just wanted to offer you hugs and love..xx

I don't wan't to get out :cry: I just want us to want the same things.
I just pictured us having children, getting married, just to be "normal" :/

He was a little better today,* we didn't speak the whole way into town. I did all the tidying when we came home (as usual) and he's now ignoring me on the computer*.[/QUOTE]

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: is that 'better' though? Surely the whole point of a relationship is that you can communicate well, and share responsibilities xx i don't want to sound nagging i just think he isn;t being very helpful! xx


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## Yazz_n_bump

Sarah10 said:


> MissMammaToBe said:
> 
> 
> Oh hun :hugs:
> I know exactly where your coming from and I know how hard it is to get out (i still haven't either). I dont know what to tell you, I am no good example being in a v similar situation I just wanted to offer you hugs and love..xx
> 
> I don't wan't to get out :cry: I just want us to want the same things.
> I just pictured us having children, getting married, just to be "normal" :/
> 
> He was a little better today,* we didn't speak the whole way into town. I did all the tidying when we came home (as usual) and he's now ignoring me on the computer*.Click to expand...

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: is that 'better' though? Surely the whole point of a relationship is that you can communicate well, and share responsibilities xx i don't want to sound nagging i just think he isn;t being very helpful! xx[/QUOTE]



^^ WSS.

I'm sorry to say but doesn't sound much of a father figure and if marriage and the normal family life isn't important to him then why agree to NTNP? And to say you ruined his life is an awful thing to say.
:(
:hugs:


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## rjb

i hate that this is happening to you :(
you both deserve better :hugs:


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## rainbows_x

I just dunno what to do :/
I can't talk to him, he makes me feel like I am nagging.


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## rjb

rainbows_x said:


> I just dunno what to do :/
> I can't talk to him, he makes me feel like I am nagging.

used to be like this with sam (sorry i hate to comare situations cause i feel like people are rolling their eyes at me lol)
but anyway, i used to be like this wth sam.
and when i left him, i learned that i could be on my own, and also that i could find someone else if i wanted.
he learned that he was gonna lose me and the baby if he didn't shape up.
maybe if you two seperated, he would realize what he will lose :shrug:
just a short term seperation maybe?
sorry i'm not much help :(


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## rainbows_x

rjb said:


> rainbows_x said:
> 
> 
> I just dunno what to do :/
> I can't talk to him, he makes me feel like I am nagging.
> 
> used to be like this with sam (sorry i hate to comare situations cause i feel like people are rolling their eyes at me lol)
> but anyway, i used to be like this wth sam.
> and when i left him, i learned that i could be on my own, and also that i could find someone else if i wanted.
> he learned that he was gonna lose me and the baby if he didn't shape up.
> maybe if you two seperated, he would realize what he will lose :shrug:
> just a short term seperation maybe?
> sorry i'm not much help :(Click to expand...

It would be really hard, we are moving into our house in just over two weeks. We live with his mum so I can't see a break happening really. And I wouldn't want to confuse Ava. x


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## Sarah10

Do you think things will settle down in your new house? are you renting or buying, if you are renting make sure you put your name on the contract also xx


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## rjb

rainbows_x said:


> rjb said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> rainbows_x said:
> 
> 
> I just dunno what to do :/
> I can't talk to him, he makes me feel like I am nagging.
> 
> used to be like this with sam (sorry i hate to comare situations cause i feel like people are rolling their eyes at me lol)
> but anyway, i used to be like this wth sam.
> and when i left him, i learned that i could be on my own, and also that i could find someone else if i wanted.
> he learned that he was gonna lose me and the baby if he didn't shape up.
> maybe if you two seperated, he would realize what he will lose :shrug:
> just a short term seperation maybe?
> sorry i'm not much help :(Click to expand...
> 
> It would be really hard, we are moving into our house in just over two weeks. We live with his mum so I can't see a break happening really. And I wouldn't want to confuse Ava. xClick to expand...

 ah well. i guess that would complicate things, sorry :dohh:
:hugs: though


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## pinkribbon

I haven't read every response posted here so i'm sorry if I just repeat what someone else has already said! 

As others have already said it doesn't sound like the best environment for another baby, if he barely helps now, things will be a lot harder trying to juggle both children. Also I'd be worried that he'd resent you in later life if he did compromise and have another without truely wanting to father again. It wouldn't be fair on anyone involved. He could turn around and place a lot of blame and guilt that shouldn't be there iykwim?

You're young, you have a good life ahead of you, why not aim high and reah your goals, find someone who has the same outlook as you and be truely happy? I know you love this guy now but it would be horrible for you to look back on life and have regret because you just settled. You deserve someone to share your dream with, not someone who hold you back.

Just think it through, it's your life but as other girls have said you don't sound truely happy. :hugs: xx


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## rainbows_x

Sarah10 said:


> Do you think things will settle down in your new house? are you renting or buying, if you are renting make sure you put your name on the contract also xx

We're renting, and yeah the contract is in both of our names. 

I think so, I get so stressed living here with his mum, the two of us cramped in one room.


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## bbyno1

Aww..I hope he realises what he has soon as really appriciates it.
Ava is only going to be young once,he should enjoy spending time with her.
Maybe in time he will change his mind about having more children..When you have one that's young i think it can put a lot of stress on you and a lot of people just end up thinking no way,no more kids. My OH has said that more times than i can remember but when we talk seriously about it he does say he wants 2-3.

Once Ava grows up he might miss the baby days and want another?
I know so many people who have said they don't want any kids at all and end up with like 3 or 4! x


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## vinteenage

I am going to be completely blunt here, but please know that I truly think you are an amazing and wonderful mother to Ava. You obviously care about her extensively.

But, this is not a good relationship for her to see. If you and OH's relationship continues she'll grow up thinking it's okay to be ignored and dismissed by her significant other. It's pretty clear he doesn't respect you, nor have his priorities straight. His daughter should be much more important than a computer. I'll also say that by not presenting an interest in marriage, it shows that he's not truly committed to you or Ava. That sounds harsh, I know, but has he given a reason he's opposed to marriage?

He's a very good bit older than you, no? It's completely not fair for him to completely dismiss having more children. A "We'll discuss this again when Ava turn 2/4/6." is far more reasonable. You could reevaluate your finances and living situation. What does it matter to him if you have another child anyway if he's not even helping out now? 

Do you have any family or friends you could stay with and perhaps take a "break" from OH? He'll be able to see if he really does care about Ava and you, you'll be able to see if you miss him.

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it's hard.


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## rainbows_x

vinteenage said:


> I am going to be completely blunt here, but please know that I truly think you are an amazing and wonderful mother to Ava. You obviously care about her extensively.
> 
> But, this is not a good relationship for her to see. If you and OH's relationship continues she'll grow up thinking it's okay to be ignored and dismissed by her significant other. It's pretty clear he doesn't respect you, nor have his priorities straight. His daughter should be much more important than a computer. I'll also say that by not presenting an interest in marriage, it shows that he's not truly committed to you or Ava. That sounds harsh, I know, but has he given a reason he's opposed to marriage?
> 
> He's a very good bit older than you, no? It's completely not fair for him to completely dismiss having more children. A "We'll discuss this again when Ava turn 2/4/6." is far more reasonable. You could reevaluate your finances and living situation. What does it matter to him if you have another child anyway if he's not even helping out now?
> 
> Do you have any family or friends you could stay with and perhaps take a "break" from OH? He'll be able to see if he really does care about Ava and you, you'll be able to see if you miss him.
> 
> I'm so sorry you're in this situation, it's hard.

He's just never wanted to be married, to anyone. I never really did either after I was engaged at 17 to my ex and it didn't work out, but since having Ava I would really like to get married to him, I don't want to be a fifty year old 'girlfriend'.

Yeah, he is almost 29, so still plenty of time to have at least one more child.
The only person I could really stay with is my sister and her fiance, but I think it would drive us all a bit crazy, they're at work and do early starts, plus we wouldn't have anywhere to sleep.

I do want him to realise what he has though, and that I so badly want children.


----------



## Burchy314

I don't think he is a good father figure or OH either. 

But my OH's parents have never gotten married but they have been together for like 25 years. They just didn't think they needed it to be legal. They live together and have 2 almost 3 kids together, but they both don't care if they are legally married. With your case you want to be married and he doesnt seem to care. It would be understandable if he said he wanted to wait a little longer, but to say I never want to get married to you, I don't want anymore kids, I didn't even want this kid...that is wrong.

I am sorry about all of this :hugs: I do think you guys should try to take a "break" see if he realizes what he has before it is to late and you are actually gone.


----------



## rainbows_x

A break would be good, I want him to realise how much I do and how much I mean to him.
He probably wouldn't notice I was gone tbh.

There's just no real way to do it, he's barely home as it is.


----------



## Leah_xx

rainbows_x said:


> A break would be good, I want him to realise how much I do and how much I mean to him.
> He probably wouldn't notice I was gone tbh.
> 
> There's just no real way to do it, he's barely home as it is.

Hun I left my FOB/OH cause of things and it made him realize what he was doing and how he made me feel. It made him realize what I meant to him and what he was doing to gracelynn and I.
Maybe thats what you need to do is take a break. It helps when your apart for a little bit of time

Hope things get better


----------



## x__amour

I agree, I think perhaps a break would be for the best. And how could he not notice with such a sweet, beautiful woman and his daughter out of the picture? 
He would be a fool not to come to his senses.
:hugs:


----------



## rainbows_x

I don't see how we can have a break, neither of us can really go anywhere else?
I can't imagine looking after Ava alone, I'm feeling so down somedays that I don't know how well I would cope.

Will talk to him tonight, don't know what to say though? I ideas would be appreciated.
Going to take Ava off him as she's crying and he's getting stressed, I want to cuddle her


----------



## amygwen

Sorry if this has been asked, but are your parents involved or would they be willing to let you live with them? FOB and I had the most unhealthy relationship together, although he was and still is a great dad, very involved and loves Kenneth to death. But don't stay with a guy just because you have no where to go, there must be somewhere else for you to stay. Of course you should care about him, but first and foremost you've got to care about yourself and Ava. If he has no where to go, then sad to say, but it's his fault. But I think it's important that you let him know how close you are to leaving him because of how he's treating you. Maybe he will change, but more than likely won't. I don't know how it works in the UK at all as far as housing goes and I'd be lost without my parents now since I live with them and would never be able to afford to live on my own especially now since I'm going to school. But without them I'd be screwed!


----------



## amygwen

Also, you can definitely take care of Ava alone, by the sounds of it he doesn't do anything anyways, so you're doing it all yourself without his help. If she's 5 months old and he just literally fed her for the first time yesterday than I can't imagine him being that much help anyways. :hugs:


----------



## rainbows_x

Because of moving in and my dad being the way he is he would be really not happy with the idea of me moving in. Of course he would let me, but he's just given me a £1000 to use for the house.

He just wen't mental at me, Ava kept waking so I said I'd take her, he said no but she was getting really upset, I had to basically pull her from him, as they were both getting stressed, he's now gone off in a mood saying "that's right, I can't do anything right, going to go pull my eyes out"?? :cry:


----------



## vinteenage

Oh honey, you need to get out, *now*, for a bit.

My OH sometimes gets worked up taking Finn and I tell him to give him to me and calm down. It happens to everyone, but he certainly shouldn't be trying to withhold her from you.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he does very much if he's out all day and doesn't help when he's home. That fact that you believe he wouldn't notice you were gone is...worrying, to say the least.


----------



## rainbows_x

vinteenage said:


> Oh honey, you need to get out, *now*, for a bit.
> 
> My OH sometimes gets worked up taking Finn and I tell him to give him to me and calm down. It happens to everyone, but he certainly shouldn't be trying to withhold her from you.
> 
> Honestly, it doesn't sound like he does very much if he's out all day and doesn't help when he's home. That fact that you believe he wouldn't notice you were gone is...worrying, to say the least.

He's working all day, not just generally out to clear that up. He does 50+ hour weeks to get the money to move out.

He kept saying "No, you want me to have her, I should rock her to sleep, not you" basically putting the blame on me?!

He's falling asleep in his chair now, I've rocked and put Ava to sleep, might just leave him there and go bed with Ava. I want to talk to him though, I'm stressing so bad.


----------



## amygwen

I'm sure your dad would prefer you be with them than with your OH right now. :hugs: Even if he gave you 1000 pounds, I'm sure he'd prefer you to be happy than forcing yourself to be with him. Maybe your relationship between your dad will change if you live with him? I mean, I can't imagine him treating you like shit when Ava is around but than I don't know your situation. :hugs:


----------



## Sarah10

When are you moving hun? when you do can he not go stay at his mums for abit whilst you stay in the new house? xxx


----------



## Hotbump

like becca said some people might roll their eyes at me :haha: anyways i agree with amy. My OH has changed for NOW but i have a suitcase packed just incase. I owe my parents some rent money but they have said that if my OH slipped up again that not to worry about the money and i could live there for free for two months (which is understadable since they are ederly dont work and pay bills) until i found a job incase i wanted to leave him. They much rather see me happy then to suffer and i think any parent always wants that for their child. I also know what you mean about how you cant imagine being with someone else but i think that part of the reason we cant imagine someone else is because we are with them,kwim? If my OH slips up again im leaving. Am i scared? of course! But i tell myself that i gave it a chance and it didnt work. We have to give ourselves credit as women, we are mommies smart mommies at that and eventhough it might look like we cant provide for our children by ourselves we can because we are smart and as mommies we ALWAYS find a way for our children needs to be met. I will make sure my children will be fed and happy, without a doubt in my mind i know i can provide for my kids, the only thing in my way is fear but im going to push it away for the sake of my kids. I wrote this speech and put it in my suitcase incase of the worst scenerio were to happen and incase i had doubts of leaving.lol dont know if i made any sense :dohh: :haha:


----------



## Tanara

_I wouldn't give up, My ex said he didnt want anymore after Taye, he was the same didn't do anything, I mean the first year of his life he changed a dozen diapers, went for 1 walk and had never taken him to the park, he was a deadbeat. I left him when Taye was a year old for more than a few reasons and found someone who I truly believe I was ment to meet. Just because HE doesnt want more kids doesnt mean you wont have more, your still young._


----------



## annawrigley

If anything I think you would be MORE capable of looking after Ava without him! You are obviously doing a fantastic job at the moment but you are constantly stressing about you and him and getting angry at him for not helping you and dealing with his hissy fits ("going to go pull my eyes out"? wtf?)

It would be really hard at first but eventually I honestly believe you would be so much happier in yourself and you and Ava would do just fine. It must be hard trying to take care of her with the constant emotional turmoil! Makes me glad to be single sometimes :haha: (And thats coming from someone who was unbelievably dependent on FOB and would never ever have left him but he took that choice out of my hands and I am actually really thankful to him!)

My life has improved so much since we broke up. It was horrible at first of course but now I'm happy (most of the time... But its an improvement on 0% when I was with him!), I'm at college (which would never have happened while I was with him, he made me drop out of 6th form when we first got together, he liked to have me at home so he could keep an eye on me :coffee:), me and Noah are doing great and we don't have to deal with his shit and his laziness so are generally a lot less stressed.

I'm not going to TELL you to leave him, and I know you probably won't, I was the same, however much you know you should you just can't. But honestly I think you would be so so much better off without him and it makes me so sad you're having to put up with this!


----------



## rainbows_x

Thankyou girls.

He came to bed eventually lastnight, I just moved as far away from him as I could. He normally kisses me goodbye but he just left this morning.
I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to break up with him, but I don't want to be in a dead end relationship.

I just want him to realise he could loose me if this carries on. He won't be home all day now, and i know when he comes home he'll either ignrore me or be nice to me, offer to take Ava etc.


----------



## lily123

I've just caught up!
:hugs: This is such a hard situation hun and i'm so sorry you're having to deal with it :Nope: Honestly i agree with the majority here. The fact that he doesn't want to marry you, have more children with you, and that he doesn't help you with Ava is absolutely disgusting and i really feel for you. Have you tried speaking to him yet? xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## rainbows_x

lily123 said:


> I've just caught up!
> :hugs: This is such a hard situation hun and i'm so sorry you're having to deal with it :Nope: Honestly i agree with the majority here. The fact that he doesn't want to marry you, have more children with you, and that he doesn't help you with Ava is absolutely disgusting and i really feel for you. Have you tried speaking to him yet? xxxxxxxxxxxx

He knows how I want children & marriage but he outright just says no. I don't think theres anything I can say.


----------



## lily123

:( I meant talk to him abut how close you are to leaving him. sorry i didn't make it very clear :hugs:
xx


----------



## rainbows_x

No, my fault sorry, head is all over the place!
I wouldn't know what to say, I need to think of something before he comes home or I'll end up chickening out.


----------



## annawrigley

Maybe write it down for him? And then go visit your parents for the day or something, and leave it at home on a day you know he's going to be in... That way you can't chicken out of it and can say what you want to :hugs:


----------



## lily123

^^Thats a really good idea, maybe something to consider?
How is everything now he's home from work? xxxx


----------



## Sarah10

I hope you can get things sorted hun :hugs: i really do feel for you. xx


----------



## Sarah10

Usually when you are in a relationship, and it's dominating, its hard to imagine being able to cope on your own, i do think you are both better off without him. xx


----------



## rainbows_x

He came home not long ago, I was napping with Ava, she's still asleep so we can't talk really, I'm going to nip in the shower and see what he says when I get back.

He's home really late, should of finished at 5 & he keeps getting texts. :(


----------



## Sarah10

rainbows_x said:


> He came home not long ago, I was napping with Ava, she's still asleep so we can't talk really, I'm going to nip in the shower and see what he says when I get back.
> 
> He's home really late, should of finished at 5 & he keeps getting texts. :(

 :hugs: have you asked him who is texting him? xxx


----------



## lily123

Have you asked him where he's been and who with hun?
This may sound odd as we haven't spoke too much before, but i'm going to PM you my mob number :hugs: Obv you don't have to text me lol but you sound like you need some girly support :) xxxxxxx


----------



## rainbows_x

He said he's late because of work & his manager was texting him.

Thanks again for your number hun :hugs: I just had to be nice to him because I've run out of money and need to post 16 things for Ebay :dohh: so he's going to the shop to get money out.

I just dunno what to say to him, we have barely spoke, but it kind of feels like nothing has happened :/


----------



## leoniebabey

rainbows_x said:


> He said he's late because of work & his manager was texting him.
> 
> Thanks again for your number hun :hugs: I just had to be nice to him because I've run out of money and need to post 16 things for Ebay :dohh: so he's going to the shop to get money out.
> 
> I just dunno what to say to him, we have barely spoke, but it kind of feels like nothing has happened :/

hunnie you shouldnt have to feel like that! That is controll! 
I had to do a domestic violence and some of the questions were relating to money and you shouldnt feel like he has control over the money ect. 
If you want to stay together maby it would be worth having some councelling ?
x


----------



## rainbows_x

leoniebabey said:


> rainbows_x said:
> 
> 
> He said he's late because of work & his manager was texting him.
> 
> Thanks again for your number hun :hugs: I just had to be nice to him because I've run out of money and need to post 16 things for Ebay :dohh: so he's going to the shop to get money out.
> 
> I just dunno what to say to him, we have barely spoke, but it kind of feels like nothing has happened :/
> 
> hunnie you shouldnt have to feel like that! That is controll!
> I had to do a domestic violence and some of the questions were relating to money and you shouldnt feel like he has control over the money ect.
> If you want to stay together maby it would be worth having some councelling ?
> xClick to expand...

It is his money though, but I did say I'd pay him ack when I get paid.

He would never go for counciling. I think I may ring the doctors tomorrow for me though, I really don't think I'm coping well at all.


----------



## Sarah10

I hope you feel better soon xxxxx


----------



## leoniebabey

rainbows_x said:


> leoniebabey said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> rainbows_x said:
> 
> 
> He said he's late because of work & his manager was texting him.
> 
> Thanks again for your number hun :hugs: I just had to be nice to him because I've run out of money and need to post 16 things for Ebay :dohh: so he's going to the shop to get money out.
> 
> I just dunno what to say to him, we have barely spoke, but it kind of feels like nothing has happened :/
> 
> hunnie you shouldnt have to feel like that! That is controll!
> I had to do a domestic violence and some of the questions were relating to money and you shouldnt feel like he has control over the money ect.
> If you want to stay together maby it would be worth having some councelling ?
> xClick to expand...
> 
> It is his money though, but I did say I'd pay him ack when I get paid.
> 
> He would never go for counciling. I think I may ring the doctors tomorrow for me though, I really don't think I'm coping well at all.Click to expand...

it's still controll though because he will know that if he doesnt give u it you wont be able to do whatever you wanted the money for so it gives them the power to be able to say if you can or cant do what you wanted to do. I hated being controlled and thats why we fell out cause i started to rebell against the controll 
Even if you could talk to someone just yourself and let it all out it might be good for you, hope you feel a bit better soon hun xx


----------



## TwilightAgain

Maybe you should scrap him. He doesn't sound like much of a father to be honest. 

I find it a little concerning that he's like that with her. Fair enough she's only a little one at the minute, but what about when she gets a bit older and begins to realise that Daddy is a tad bit uninterested in her?


----------



## lily123

:hugs: Hope everything is okay today hun
xx


----------



## aliss

:hugs:

I'm not a teen, in fact I am almost your OH's age, just saw your thread while responding to someone else.

Unfortunately hun you are not going to change his mind on this. When a near 30 year old man is adamant he does not want to get married or have children, or even be a father to the child he already has, you *must* believe him. Men have certainly made their mind up by that time. An 18 even 20 year old might not have because they still want to go be wild/sow their oats/whatever, but not at 30. I can't imagine 2,4 more years will do anything. It will only be another 2 or 4 years of you settling for far less than what you want. I think you already know this but you don't want to accept it yet. You & your girl have only 1 life to live so don't waste it being unhappy.

I know you thought you could change him (I'm sure ALL women have made that mistake at one point in their life, I know I have!) but you have to believe him when he tells you this. Sorry :hugs:


----------



## rainbows_x

Thanks for the replies.

Had a bit of a manic day today, ended in me walking home with Ava because OH was too tired to meet me, luckily BIL walked me. He was asleep when I got in, being nice as pie now :/

I dunno what to do, I so badly don't want to leave him, I just need to decide what I want I think.


----------



## aliss

Sounds like you don't want to be alone or you want him to become someone he is not :hugs: In time I think you will realize what's right for you & your girl.


----------



## rainbows_x

Everything went tits up today :cry:

He started a row with me in front of Ava, she was crying and I went to take her, he pushed me so i grabbed her and ran into the bathroom, called my sister and she ran to get me.

Stayed there all day and just come home. I told him I was leaving him and he just didn't seem to care, he's text me to see if I was coming home and he was at work.

I've accidentlly given Ava 12 month + food, she has a rash and I am sick. Everything is shit, we move in a week Monday :cry:


----------



## Callie-xoxox

Donna:(
I was in the same situation as you kinda.
Its hard to leave OH/ FOB but in the end you need to do what best for you and Ava.

I am always here to PM if you like.
try to stay positive for Ava. 

xxx


----------



## annawrigley

I'm so sorry hun :hugs: But this may be the start of a new beginning for you, I know you probably won't feel much hope right now but really you have done yourself a huge favour by leaving him, you just don't realise it yet :hugs: Sorry if that sounded patronising, but I just find it so eerily similar to my situation, I was desperately unhappy with FOB but depended on him and would never have left him, then he dumped me and I was devastated but after a while I was (almost) back to my old self and feeling much more positive about everything. It would be a much better environment for you and Ava not constantly being upset by him and just having to worry about yourselves :) Do you have anywhere to go? Your sisters? xxxxx


----------



## rainbows_x

I can't stay with my sister, she'd get into trouble with her landlord and there isn't room for us. My dad would quite possibly kill OH if he found out, so I can't really go there, plus he's giving me £1000 on Monday for the house, I can't cancel it, it's all sorted.
I dunno what do do, he's off tomorrow and we are meant to be going council to sort out housing benefit.


----------



## stephx

Shit im sorry hun :( but like anna said, it might be a fresh start that you need!
Could you move into your new house alone? Have you got somewhere to stay till you move? Xx


----------



## rainbows_x

stephx said:


> Shit im sorry hun :( but like anna said, it might be a fresh start that you need!
> Could you move into your new house alone? Have you got somewhere to stay till you move? Xx

There's no way I could afford it. We've signed the contract and everything.


----------



## leoniebabey

Hi hun i dont want to sound awful but i really dont think thats an eviroment you need to be in it only gets worse i know, the best thing i did was get out of it xx


----------



## x__amour

Donna... :cry: I'm so sorry... :nope:
:hugs:


----------



## Rhio92

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: x


----------



## annawrigley

I have to agree with Leonie I really dont think you should move in with him :nope: But it seems you're trapped :(


----------



## rainbows_x

There's nothing I can do :shrug: we can't pull out now. The only thing I can say is I move and he stays here for a bit? But I don't think I can see him giving me money for the place, I dunno.

I'm just waiting for him to come home :/ Will definitley be calling the doctor tomorow, I feel like I'm falling apart, I just had a massive crying fit changing Ava because she was crying. I feel like she cries because of me, I wish I could stop her crying :(


----------



## vinteenage

Honey, if you don't feel like you two are going to work out, you need to break it off now. There is no benefit to living in fear and misery.

If you think you may work out? You need to attend counseling. Him man handling you is NOT okay.


----------



## rainbows_x

I know he would never hurt me though. He pushed me but not to push me over, to keep me back. He'd never hiurt Ava, he just threatens.

I don't fear him persay, he just has a horrible way of` putting things.


----------



## Char&Bump-x

rainbows_x said:


> I know he would never hurt me though. He pushed me but not to push me over, to keep me back. *He'd never hiurt Ava, he just threatens.*
> 
> I don't fear him persay, he just has a horrible way of` putting things.

Urm WHAT? You seriously want to be with a guy like that? :o


----------



## vinteenage

rainbows_x said:


> I know he would never hurt me though. He pushed me but not to push me over, to keep me back. He'd never hiurt Ava, he just threatens.

He threatens to hurt Ava?!?! Honey that is NOT okay.


----------



## rainbows_x

No, he say things when he's mad like most people do, like I sadi he'd never follow through with them


----------



## rainbows_x

Char&Bump-x said:


> rainbows_x said:
> 
> 
> I know he would never hurt me though. He pushed me but not to push me over, to keep me back. *He'd never hiurt Ava, he just threatens.*
> 
> I don't fear him persay, he just has a horrible way of` putting things.
> 
> Urm WHAT? You seriously want to be with a guy like that? :oClick to expand...

Why the eye rolling?
He'd never hurt her, he ays things in the moment, ev eryone gets mad at their children/?


----------



## Char&Bump-x

No. Normal people do not threaten their children.

ETA: yes, everyone gets angry once in a while, and kids are testing. Ava is a 6 month old baby, and you think him threatening to hurt her is normal? It's NOT. The only thing she can do to annoy him is cry surely, that's all she knows. 

This thread has really pissed me off. At first i felt sorry for you but now you're making excuses for him and i have no sympathy for someone who protects a man who threatens them/their kids. It's wrong.


----------



## MissMamma

Oh donna :hugs: i'm nnot trying to be condescending or whatever but no matter how difficult finding somewhere to stay is surely its better for you and ava to be away from this man who makes you both so unhappy?! And even if you cant see it would be better for you surely you can see it would be better for ava?
i'm not trying to be awful hun, i'm on your side. All my love..xx


----------



## rainbows_x

Char&Bump-x said:


> No. Normal people do not threaten their children.
> 
> ETA: yes, everyone gets angry once in a while, and kids are testing. Ava is a 6 month old baby, and you think him threatening to hurt her is normal? It's NOT. The only thing she can do to annoy him is cry surely, that's all she knows.
> 
> This thread has really pissed me off. At first i felt sorry for you but now you're making excuses for him and i have no sympathy for someone who protects a man who threatens them/their kids. It's wrong.

I'm not making excuses for him, I am simplying saying it's normal for people to get mad.
TBH I don't know you, I'm not protecting him, I was asking for advice, not to feel shitter than I already do. Thanks for that.


----------



## Char&Bump-x

And i'm simply saying yes it's normal to get angry, but not to threaten a 6 month old baby. Which there are NO excuses for.

It's not relevant if you know me or not, its a public forum, anyone in the world can post.


----------



## x__Hannah__x

I hope you're ok hun :hugs: Don't let him push you into anything. You need to do what's best for you and Ava whatever that may be :hugs:


----------



## rainbows_x

Char&Bump-x said:


> And i'm simply saying yes it's normal to get angry, but not to threaten a 6 month old baby. Which there are NO excuses for.
> 
> It's not relevant if you know me or not, its a public forum, anyone in the world can post.

I meant you know nothing about me, mot people on teen pareting do, I have mot on my FB so they know more about me, we've never spoken so you have no idea about me.


----------



## MissMamma

Hun just ignore her. Most people on here know you're not making excuses for him. We know you cant help who you fall in love with. Please dont feel bad, none of this is your fault :hugs: you need supprt and friends right now..xx


----------



## Hotbump

:hugs: donna ignore that comment made it was unnecessary and shouldnt had been said if you dont have anything helpful or nice to say to donna then just ignore the thread if it pisses you off that much


----------



## Char&Bump-x

No but i do know that you have problems with your FOB.

to quote you:



> I seriously hate him right now, he gives me NO help. Admits he never, and still doesn't want Ava.




> I said no, you don't love her, he said "yeah, you know I don't"

Both of those quotes above should set alarm bells ringing that he's not the man for you if he doesn't want his own daughter 5 months in to her life?!

If you only want advice from people who know you why post where anyone can answer.


----------



## Char&Bump-x

Hotbump said:


> :hugs: donna ignore that comment made it was unnecessary and shouldnt had been said if you dont have anything helpful or nice to say to donna then just ignore the thread if it pisses you off that much

You think it was unnecessary? well i think its unnecessary to threaten a baby. :roll:


----------



## x__amour

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think Donna feels bad enough already. Donna, love, you know your OH and who is he and how he acts. I know that if you thought you or Ava were ever in danger you would leave immediately, you have always put your daughter first. Yes, from your posts I see your OH has some problems but from some of your posts he seems like a sweetheart. You and only you know how your OH truly is and you will always make the right decision, whether it be staying with him or leaving him. I know that everything'll turn out for the better, you're a strong girl. You know I'm always here for you if you ever need to talk!
:hugs:


----------



## rainbows_x

Char&Bump-x said:


> No but i do know that you have problems with your FOB.
> 
> to quote you:
> 
> 
> 
> I seriously hate him right now, he gives me NO help. Admits he never, and still doesn't want Ava.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I said no, you don't love her, he said "yeah, you know I don't"Click to expand...
> 
> Both of those quotes above should set alarm bells ringing that he's not the man for you if he doesn't want his own daughter 5 months in to her life?!
> 
> If you only want advice from people who know you why post where anyone can answer.Click to expand...

Everyone gets angry and rants online. I don't have anyone else to talk to, can't exactly post it on FB where everyone can see!

I'm suffering depression, I let things out, else I bottle them up and feel shitter, other people I don't know left nice respones, your was jut mean tbh. He hasn't come to terms with it, he never wated children.


----------



## Char&Bump-x

Oh whatever. Clearly cos i don't lick your butt my opinion isn't worth anything :haha:

Enjoy your new house :)


----------



## rainbows_x

Char&Bump-x said:


> Oh whatever. Clearly cos i don't lick your butt my opinion isn't worth anything :haha:
> 
> Enjoy your new house :)

Not every response has been to "lick my butt" if you read the full thread you'd see that.

Thanks I will. :D


----------



## Sarah10

:hugs:
I really do hope you and ava will be okay, its not fair on both of you to be treated like that, i really wish you could see things from an outside point of view hun xxxxxx


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## Hotbump

hey hun if you want you can pm me and ill give you my email if you need someone to talk to. I kinda know what you are going thru :hugs:


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## annawrigley

:( I hope you can find a way out, its really not healthy for you and Ava to stay with him. I know its hard to see from the inside and it seems you're willing him to change but in my experience and alot of others on here violent relationships dont start off full blown violent, they progress, and a push to get you out of the way is often the kinda thing it starts with. Once he knows he can get away with it he'll just get worse and worse, you might not think he'd ever hurt you now but neither did I.... It worries me how cold he is about your daughter and openly admits to not wanting her and not loving her :nope: Its all just really sad xx


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## QuintinsMommy

:hugs:
beside every now and then everyone needs a little butt licking:winkwink::winkwink::winkwink::winkwink::rofl:


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## Sarah10

Hows things now? xx


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## rainbows_x

Still waiting for him to come home, should be soon. x


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## lucy_x

good luck hun :hugs: x x xx


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## rainbows_x

He's home, just came in, asked how A's rash was and asked if I wanted to do anything now.

Can't exactly talk to him, I'm in bed with A, not going to risk waking her. x


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## rainbows_x

Annnnnd he's switched the computer on *sigh* off to bed I go then.


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## tasha41

I agree with a lot of what the other girls are saying. 

You need to ask yourself: do I want more children, or do I want another child with HIM? I think the answer is probably that you want more children in the future, right? I mean I can understand that you love him, he's your partner, you live together, it feels right and natural to want a baby with him, but I think the 2 can sometimes get confused, it's complicated?

You're only 20 years old. You have years to have more babies. Don't write your whole life off.. you could very well be with someone else and in love and TTC in 2, 3, 4, 5 ++ years. And there's nothing wrong with that! At the same time, I know I just said you're young and have time... don't waste your time waiting around for him to change. You need to tell him what you want and expect from your life - marriage, kids, help, etc. And if he's not prepared to offer any of them or come to some sort of compromise or give you good reasons for not wanting any of it (can't say I can think of a good reason for him not helping out more or wanting his child).. then maybe you should re-evaluate what you are doing in this relationship with someone who wants different things... this is your LIFE! Days, weeks turn into months and years. Do you want to be in the same situation as you are now next year? Or how about 10? What about after Ava's out on her own?


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## heather92

Honey, even though I don't think Char should have been so mean, I do agree with what she's trying to say about your OH. When I first started reading this I thought maybe HE had some PND (does happen to guys, but I don't think it's really called that lol), but once you said he threats Ava... that's not good. Even if he won't follow through on it now, threats made to a baby can be a precursor of violence against a toddler... :/


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## rainbows_x

Tbh I do feel as if he has some form of depression, he was never like this before the pregnancy. He say he feels down alot of the time and worthless. 

I've tried getting him to go to a doctor, but he feels there is nothing they can do for him.


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## Luke's_mummy

Although my OH shows it in a very different way, he also has depression. It's a male thing, they don't want to admit that they need help. For men they feel like it's a sign of weekness. I'm always here if you need to talk


x Alicex


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## MissMamma

My OH had depression along with anger and violence issues when I first got with him. Couselling was the best thing he ever did..xx


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## rainbows_x

I think I will talk to him when he gets home tonight about counselling, thanks. xx


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## annawrigley

I hope he goes for it hun xx


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## shelx

sorry youre having a bad time atm. hope things get better :hugs:


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