# Pregnancy phobia + Broody, HELP! (long one sorry)



## Fleety

Hi guys :hi:
I'm Fleety, I've been with my OH for 6years now and we recently got married beginning of June this year, we're both turning 27 this year and are both eager to start a family.....

Problem is I've always had a terrible phobia of pregnancy and childbirth. My head is on such a mixed up state, It's like the one half of my brain is broody as hell, all I can think about it babies, imagining us as a proper family. I'm a nursery nurse so am around children all day everyday. My sister-in-law had a baby boy in january who we totally spoil and we both wish we could give him a cousin. The other side of my brain is a terrified reck! In the past the phobia has affected my sex life through fear of becoming pregnant. I feel like my two halves of my brain are at war. The older I get I can feel the broody side of my brain beginning to take over, especially over the past 2 years, and definatly since our nephew was born. 

My husband and I have a very close relationship and talk about everything. He is very keen to start a family now we are married and I would love to as well. I *NEED* to face my phobia I cant let this control me. We have desided to TTC October time ish, Hubby has hinted he would like to start September :hugs: I figured the best way to face my fear was to just face it and do it. We have a strong relationship, own our home and are both in work, what better time.

I have had trouble with anxiety problems in the past and need help getting over my phobia as I know it will only make things worse regarding stressing the baby out and birth/pain etc. I really need help dealing with this I dont know how to help myself, I'm so so so frightened but want to be a mum and have a family of my own so bad :( It's like im feeling the 2 extremes at the same time...

Does anyone else suffer from this? I feel like im the only one :cry:
:help:
Fleety
xxxx
:hug:


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## Freya

Hi fleety! :wave: welcome to baby and bump!

I know there are girls on the forums who have a phobia related to pregnancy in someway, for example I can empathise with you as I have a strong phobia of being sick.... (emitaphobia) so I had been putting pregnancy off and been very concerned for the morning sickness stage.... and now I'm preoccupied with the side effects of pain relief! I'm also a control freak, so labour troubles me a great deal and how I will react/cope! Anxiety has been a familiar companian to me over the years and even know I could struggle to keep a lid on it - but hypnotherapy has helped me a great deal!

Can you break down your phobia at all? Is it one or two aspects of the process? For example, Tokophobia - phobia of child birth itself?

You'll find lots of support in these forums!!!! It may be that you'll find someone with exactly the same fears as yourself!

XXXXXXX


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## Fleety

If I had to break my fear down I'd say it was mostly the fear of child birth.
I'm absolutly terrified of the pain, of not being able to hack it, not being able to take it. of complications, Mainly the pain, i'm getting worked up now just thinking about it oh my god how am I gonna get over this :cry:

I'm also scared of carrying the baby, actually being pregnant, having something growing inside me getting bigger and bigger and then needing to come out.


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## Pyrrhic

It's called Tokophobia, and is a recognised disorder/phobia. You're GP can help.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tokophobia
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-489776/Are-tokophobic-The-women-terrified-birth.html


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## colesmom

I definitly feel where your coming from. I am terrified of the pain, and although there is pain relief out there......the only one ive heard actually works is an epidural, and im freaked out about that as well. A long needle stuck down me spine......not my idea or pain relief!!!The only thing that keeps me ttc is the hundreds of babies that are born everyday. If they can get through it so can we.:hug:


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## Dream.A.Dream

Hope you work through your phobia hun and can then start TTC :hugs:


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## Reedy

I think all women are scared of the actually giving birth bit but yours seems a very strong phobia I would go & see your your GP & see if he can refer you to someone who can help x 
Hope you can start TTC soon x


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## saara24

Like Freya, I have a phobia of sickness - feeling sick is ok, as long as I'm not actually going to throw up (and I can recognise the different kinds of sick I feel and know how bad I can feel and still be 'safe') but actually being sick or thinking I'm going to be sick is enough to give me a panic attack - hyperventilation, the lot. In the last 10 years, I've been sick three times and I could tell you exactly why, where I was, what happened - an action replay if you like, because it's such a big issue.

So I'm so scared of morning sickness it's unbelievable - it's not the only reason I'm worried about starting to TTC but it's a big big issue. But I figure that putting it off isn't going to make the issue go away so we might as well go for it now - and if it happens, I'll just need to cope with it one way or another. My mum didn't get sickness so I'm hopeful that I'll be spared too.

Likewise with the childbirth - I've figured c-section under general anaesthetic will be my only option LOL - needles in my spine? No thanks!

:hugs:

Thousands of women go through it every day. Loads and loads of people have more than one. It can't be that bad, right? It has to be worth it if everyone's at it and people go back for second helpings :)


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## Freya

Fleety, there is definitely help out there to help how you feel towards all those aspects of pregnancy and birth you are fearful of. Cognitive behavioural therapy is particlarly powerful! The child birth aspect could be 'taken care of' by have an elective c-section under local or general anesthetic. There is a member of baby and bunp called Spelbound who's partner has the phobia of child birth and they have arranged a c-section for her, no problem (hope he wouldn't mind me sharing that information). You are stronger than your realise. But,if you need a little time to prepare yourself 'mentally' for the challenge, then that's no crime and it's what you need to do. Although your OH is keen to 'get going' it sounds like he'll understand.

xxxxx

Saara24 - ahhhh can relate indeed! I only had nausea during my 1st trimester, which wasn't pleasant but like you, I kinda knew it wasn't the 'I'm gonna throw up' kind of sickness! Pregnancy makes you face your fears and no mistake! It's important not to feel bad, and speak to your Doc when pregnant, as many will put on your notes and even offer anti-emetics (anti sickness tablets/drugs) through pregnancy and at the birth.


xxxxxxx


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## Katia-xO

Gah i have a strong phobia of anythin to do with needles, i want a family in the future but i DON'T want blood tests, i don't wana be hooked up to anythin durin birth, i don't wana be stabbed at any time basically lol. It gets so bad sometimes that i have panic attacks just thinkin about it! 

I think it shouldn't be ignored as it can easily take over your life, i know i'm quite a lot younger than you but i know where you're comin from as i worry about things i shouldn't at my age lol. See your GP/doc and find out if theres anythin they can do to explain things properly to you, you may find that it isn't as bad as you worry it is!

Good luck anyways :) x


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## littlestar

Fleety said:


> If I had to break my fear down I'd say it was mostly the fear of child birth.
> I'm absolutly terrified of the pain, of not being able to hack it, not being able to take it. of complications, Mainly the pain, i'm getting worked up now just thinking about it oh my god how am I gonna get over this :cry:
> 
> I'm also scared of carrying the baby, actually being pregnant, having something growing inside me getting bigger and bigger and then needing to come out.

I am terrified of two things one having something grow inside of me! when relatives have been pregnant in the past, touching their tummy always used to revolt me, and not being in control! 
Having been on the pill 13 years and having complete control over AF, coming off the pill was a huge step for me, only now i'm off it have i realised exactly what it was doing to my body and i have decided i will never use a pill for birth control ever again. (he's happy to use condoms!)
the movement thing i have conviced myself will feel different when it's me carrying the baby and accept that although there are things i might not like about pregnancy they are short term in comparasion to the joy my baby will give me for the rest of my life.


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## Rachiebaby24

See your GP hun and then go from there.....


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## Fleety

Thanks for all the responses guys, At least I know im not the only one feeling this way now. I checked out those links and looked up Tokophobia and I definatly have it, that is exactly how I feel, only I have the longing to be a mum at the same time....so confusing. I'm going to enrole at my nearest GP's as I dont currently have a Doc and take it from there.

Thank you

:hug:


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## luckyme225

hope your anxiety goes away soon :hugs:


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## honeybunch2k7

Is there anything in particular you are afraid of?

There are remedies for morning sickness like warm water with lemon and ginger. Also, many societies think a vegetarian diet helps alleviate symptoms.

For pain you may want to look into hypnobabies. I've heard good reviews of that. Keep in mind that hospital protocols such as bright lights, many people watching, and the lithotomy positioin increase mom's discomfort. Upright positions like standing, squatting, and on all fours are better most of the time. Some people say birthing and or laboring in water helps. And some complications aren't inherent.

I would recommend that you NOT watch births gone wrong on TV and stay away from those movies where women are hollering like banshees!!! I could recommend a few youtube vids I liked and books.


Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Nathyrra

Oh goodness I thought I was the only one in the world that felt like that lol

I want a baby very much, but I find myself terrified at the prospect of carrying a child. At least it was much worse before. Whilst being part of this forum, and actively trying-the fear has subsided greatly on it's own. Maybe like myself, you will find that maternal side of you take over once you are actively trying?

I do wish you all the best, you are certainly not alone in these emotions. x


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## Fleety

Joining this site has been really good. Just knowing im not alone is so comforting. 
:hugs:

I've had this phobia as long as I can remember, even before I started my periods. I used to use the pill and condoms to be doubley sure I wouldnt get pregnant. I always said i'd never have children but when I met my husband everything changed I want a life with him and we want a family of our own, I dont want this fear to control my life and make me miss out on so much.


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## honeybunch2k7

Nathyrra said:


> Oh goodness I thought I was the only one in the world that felt like that lol
> 
> I want a baby very much, but I find myself terrified at the prospect of carrying a child. At least it was much worse before. Whilst being part of this forum, and actively trying-the fear has subsided greatly on it's own. *Maybe like myself, you will find that maternal side of you take over once you are actively trying?*
> I do wish you all the best, you are certainly not alone in these emotions. x

I think that might happen,too.


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## nightkd

Oh my, I didn't realise there was a name for phobia of being sick. I get sooo scared I'm gonna be sick, I make myself sick worrying about it. I have panic attacks; eg at airports, I LOVE flying, I love the turbulence and everything about being on the plane, in fact when I get on the plane I'm usually fine. It's just in like the departure lounge, I feel trapped because there are so many people there, I think "Oh God, what if I'm sick in front of all these people?" and have to get away.

Anyway, just weirded out that I'm not the only one that does that..

With me, thinking about being pregnant makes me excited, just to be able to carry my baby inside of me, to protect him/her, I just think a pregnant woman's body is beautiful... The childbirth bit, now that I've been thinking about it, does worry me slightly. I just think, it's a MICROSCOPIC thing that gets put up there, then something that's way too big for my ahem hole(?) that comes out? Shocking.

At the end of the day though, it's a pain that's worth it; you get something that you can keep and love forever. What other kind of pain gives you that? I have suffered with anxiety in so many things, it does screw up my life, I've been considering hypnotherapy; my friend had a good result with it, so I think it's worth a try.

Just remember your body has evolved to be able to carry and protect a baby and then push it out. Besides you'll have professionals there to help you if anything goes wrong, which fingers crossed it wouldn't.


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## cherylanne

Hi Fleety hun. I have a phobia of sharp object (crazy i know), i was terrified when i found out i was pregnant because i knew i'd have to have blood tests and when i see a needle i can't breath and collapse. I got through each one at a time.

My main problem with being pregnant was that the only pain relief i'd be willing to accept was gas and air (no needles) and i was terrified of the possibility of a c-section.

at 34 weeks i was rushed to hospital with a plancental abruption (internal bleeding) and i had to have a c-section straight away. The hospital understood my fear and i was put to sleep using a gas mask and a canula (sp?) was inserted while i slept. I was absolutly fine and my fear isn't as strong anymore.

My point is that when the time comes and you are pregnant you will get through it and hospital staff are very understanding and will help you in any way they can. Once you are pregnant i'm sure that your love for your baby will over ride your fears.


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## Fleety

I think your all right I wont know how I feel until I am actually pregnant, so we've both made the decision just to go for it :happydance: and we've had great fun this weekend doing so lol :sex:

So I guess we are now TTC :wohoo:
I just hope my Doc takes my phobia seriously and they can help me in any way they can.

xxxxx


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## honeybunch2k7

Fleety said:


> I think your all right I wont know how I feel until I am actually pregnant, so we've both made the decision just to go for it :happydance: and we've had great fun this weekend doing so lol :sex:
> 
> *So I guess we are now TTC *:wohoo:
> I just hope my Doc takes my phobia seriously and they can help me in any way they can.
> 
> xxxxx

Yaaaay!!! Good luck with baby making!!! :happydance::happydance:


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## Maldives

Hi,
I will let you know what was my experience, I wanted a baby soo bad and when i got pregnant i was moaning about everything morning sickness, tiredness, heaviness, but never thought of labour until the time got closer, and the closer it gets, the heavier i felt, the more heartburn i got, the more i wanted to give birth LOL. and thats how ur goona feel, I got induced even before my due date by 2 days, that was my choice, and belive me once ur in it there is no fear, :)


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## jamie9100

I need to talk to someone about my problems and I feel there is no one to talk to about it. So I came across this site and thought I might be able to find some answers or at least some help.

I previously was in a 3 year relationship and had 2 terminations due to not being financially stable or ready. We didnt ever speak about the terminations after they had happened. Ever since then I cant seem to forgive myself. Me and my previous relationship ended on bad terms and I feel I need to have some closure. But hes not willing to talk about it or how I feel.

I kept all the documents when I was going through both of my terminations as I didnt want to forget & I also like to keep sort of keep-sakes. Every now and then I get very angry, upset and blame myself for what happened.

Ever since then I cant seem to go any where near a pregnant woman. It seem as if I have developed a phobia of pregnant women. I avoid them in a shopping centre and shudder when I cant seem to avoid a pregnant woman. Its not that I dont want to have a child one day. I love children and babies as I used to work with them and family members have had babies and I've watch them grow up. But I now have a fear of pregnant woman and I cant seem to shift it.....Any ideas or what its called? Or how I can overcome this?

Jamie xx


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## honeybunch2k7

Jamie9100, it sounds to me like you may be grieving your losses.

OP, perhaps you'd like someone there to massage you. Thats supposed to help a lot. And try not to have the bright lights.


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## catswhiskas

I stumbled across this forum today when searching my incredibly irrational and powerful fear of birth and pregnancy. This thread came up in the search engine and I am so glad I found it I don't feel so weird now. 

I am 30, nearly 31 and don't want to not have children. However I think that my maternal urges are being held back by these incredible phobias that I have of both pregnancy and birth. 

I have this weird feeling that pregnancy is dirty and I don't like the thought of not being in control of my body because there is something growing inside it that ultimately has to come out. 

The thought of birth is enough to make me want to cry and faint. It instills a fear in me that I cannot even begin to articulate. 

I don't know how I will ever overcome these fears and am worried that I may remain childless for these reasons.


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## Mynx

Phobias are so wierd..if you think about it, they're designed to protect you from possible harm (snakes/spiders)/fears of the unknown) but then there are some strange ones. I also have a very big, irrational fear of being sick and I was terrified when I was pregnant that I was gonna suffer with morning sickness. But, I was pregnant by then and had no choice but to ride any waves that came along. Thankfully I never actually vomitted (I'd have died there and then had I puked lol!) but I had the nausea every single day of pregnancy. Especially at the end when it kinda turned into acid heartburn.. not nice and very scary for me. 
If someone is sick around me or even says they feel sick, my heart rate speeds up and I develop irrational thoughts.. my breathing gets very fast and I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. It was awful when my daughter was growing up if she had stomach bugs.. I'd still get the panic attacks but I had to try and be a good caring mum and overcome it. I have to admit, I never really did overcome the phobia and I'm no better than I was before I got pregnant! But that's cos I havent had any help for it lol! 
But at the same time, I kinda got used to feeling nauseous throughout the pregnancy so it wasnt so bad. I even had a few dry heaves and gags that werent as bad as I thought they would be lol!


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## Miss Happy x

Hey, am just the same am terrified about it but really want a baby, my mind goes into overdrive and i think of all the horrible things that could happen and that i wouldnt be able to cope etc etc it goes on!!! I thought it was just me lol!!! When r u thinking of trying??xxx


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## catswhiskas

Well the problem is this, I am just waiting to hear if I have been accepted onto a nursing course. It is a 3 year degree and if I have, then there is obviosly the thought that I will need to get some practice in before leaving to have a child. So that is going to put me back age wise to 35. The only other option would be to have a year out during the course? I just don't know what to do.


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## sleepinbeauty

I am not afraid of anything pregnancy-related but i do have a very severe case of arachnophobia (spiders!) so i can sympathize with how incredibly difficult it is to face it. I'm currently seeking a therapist for my problem--i don't want my kids to turn out like me.


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## honeybunch2k7

Here's one thing that helped me. 

I stopped watching A Baby Story. And I don't watch Discovery Channel Health. I look on youtube for natural births, which usually seem a lot less arduous.


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## dollygirlie

I had panic attacks, and would be terrified of any kind of illness or symptom and would lie awake terrified at the thought of another human being inside me, but since getting pregnant, it has been a breeze, my protective instincts have taken over, and am used to movements, its just a C section that terrifies me more now!


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## gnomette

i didnt have any fear of child birth it took but i did have a fear of needles and that sort of thing and bridges and tunnels i know its not the same but i found that by having to deal with them it made me not so bad! but everyone goes on bout how bad child birth is and mornin sickness green tea or ginger biscuits and warm drinks will help i am a vegetarien and i didnt have morning sickness as much as half me friends who do eat meat and child birth is painful but you dont remember that or think of that when you hold your little one you sort of forget i know it sounds silly but you do fears are fears and i have heard of people having hypnotherapy to help over come fears and phobias cause it normaly stems from something else! i hope i have helped it is never easy to do anything when your scared of it i hope you all find the help you need 
take care
:hug:


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## OneDayAtATime

I signed on to this site to offer some information to those of you suffering from this phobia. It's called tokophobia, and I have had it all my life. I started with it when I was a preteen, and there is no known cause for it for me. I never saw graphic birth videos, my mother was positive about birth, etc. I have just been horribly repulsed by pregnancy and childbirth my entire life. I suffer from horrible anxiety and depression, but tokophobia doesn't have to be tied to those illnesses either. 

I am in menopause now, so there is nothing I can do to have a child. Tokophobia is a vicious phobia. It is very hard to treat. In more than a few cases, nothing can be done--you simply won't be able to have children. Women with tokophobia have a high termination rate, and many of them would attempt suicide if they couldn't have a termination.

If you are young and you want to try to get rid of it, try various therapies. I tried many, and none worked, but something might work for you. Stay away from the so-called education programs, because they just seem to make it worse. I was immeasurably worse after education programs, and be careful about those books, too. The books usually mentioned by natural birth advocates just ramped up my fear about 1000x. So try therapy with a non-judgemental therapist who has no axe to grind, no particular idea about how birth has to be. Also, stay away from the birth junkies. Those people will never understand your problem. Some of them are just old hippies, and hippies just smell.

I just gave up at the age of 45, and I am now grieving the result. I am single, because at least 3 men left me because I couldn't have a child, and I am alone in this world. I have one distant relative living, and that's it. No husband, no family, no kids.

Don't be shocked if you can't get over the phobia. If you see that you are not going to make it, consider adoption while you are still eligible. If you have enough money, consider a surrogate. There are surrogates who will understand your problem and will help you have a family. They tend to be kind and compassionate people, and they genuinely want to help. I stumbled onto the surrogacy option too late. 

But understand me--this is a devastating phobia, and not something a little therapy or platitudes will address or cure. I fought it for more than 30 years, and all I have to show for it are terminations, lost relationships, and parents who were furious at me because they never had any grandchildren at all.

Good luck with it. Either act on the therapy, or adopt. Don't wait for it to go away, and take it seriously. This phobia doesn't just go away.


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## Ambs

I was just wondering if you've had your baby by now. I'm terrified of being pregnant. :cry: I've been married for seven years and my husband wants a baby so bad. I want to be a mom too! I'm scared of all the blood tests involved and birthing process. I've fainted about 20 times in my life - mostly when I'm getting blood drawn or visiting someone in the hospital. I'd love to get an update from you to see what you did to cope.


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## xclairx

Reading your post... I could have wrote it the exact sane myself intact I have in my other posts! I'm petrified too that il die in childbirth or my body won't b able to handle being pregnant I am due to start CBT (awaiting phone consultation wish they'd hurry up) im desperate to be a mum me & OH getting married in April I am so scared had this fear most ov my life but I just know I HAVE to be a mom so il TTC & hope for the best :-/ would love to hear if you now have had a baby & how it went if u don't mind sharing your story xx


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