# Gender Disappointment?



## mamawanabe21

Does anyone else have an overwhelming feeling about the gender of their baby?

I really do believe that bean is a boy, and can't imagine it being a girl. I've only really planned for a boy, and get excited about doing boy things, but now I'm really worried that if I find out on Tuesday that its a girl, that I'll suffer from gender disappointment and wont bond as well. 

Has anyone else felt like this, and were your feelings right? If they weren't, did you get gender disappointment?

It's odd, because all my life, ever since I was a child, I've always wanted a daughter. Now it's come down to it, I'm hoping for a boy.


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## charlotteliz

Not sure u can post about this in here:-s


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## sue_88

I always new I wanted a girl, and I know that I only want one baby.

Had she been a boy it would have taken me a long time to get over it, coupled with the fact my whole family didn't make it a secret they wanted a girl as well so I think I would have suffered quite badly for a while.


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## mamawanabe21

charlotteliz said:


> Not sure u can post about this in here:-s

Why? x


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## Amygdala

I don't have strong feelings as to what we're having (although I have a hunch). But I really really want a boy. Problem is, I also really really want a girl!!! So I'm in the stupid situation of expecting to be disappointed (along with excited), whatever the gender of this baby. :haha: Clearly a sign that we need more babies in the future if you ask me! 

But anyway, try not to worry too much. It might be a boy anyway or you might find that if you're told girl, you suddenly find that's what you wanted all along! If you do find out and can't get over any disappointment you might have, there's a gender disappointment forum on here where I'm sure you'll find plenty of support. :hugs:


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## mamawanabe21

sue_88 said:


> I always new I wanted a girl, and I know that I only want one baby.
> 
> Had she been a boy it would have taken me a long time to get over it, coupled with the fact my whole family didn't make it a secret they wanted a girl as well so I think I would have suffered quite badly for a while.

I know I'll love the baby unconditionally no matter what the sex, but it's the main reason as to why I've opted to find out at my scan. At least then I'll have another 20 weeks to get my head around the flavour of my bun lol. 
I also feel a lot of pressure from family members too. Half want a boy, and half want a girl, and I know that neither halves will hide their disappointment when they find out either way!


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## Purplehippo

mamawanabe21 said:


> Does anyone else have an overwhelming feeling about the gender of their baby?
> 
> I really do believe that bean is a boy, and can't imagine it being a girl. I've only really planned for a boy, and get excited about doing boy things, but now I'm really worried that if I find out on Tuesday that its a girl, that I'll suffer from gender disappointment and wont bond as well.
> 
> Has anyone else felt like this, and were your feelings right? If they weren't, did you get gender disappointment?
> 
> It's odd, because all my life, ever since I was a child, I've always wanted a daughter. Now it's come down to it, I'm hoping for a boy.

Maybe if your that worried don't find out the sex? Then when lo is born you wil be so happy it may take that disappointment away? If you feel you will be really upset. Just a thought x


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## mamawanabe21

Thank you Amy :) 

Maybe you're right; I'll just keep going until I have both :haha: :)


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## knk2011

mamawanabe21 said:


> Does anyone else have an overwhelming feeling about the gender of their baby?
> 
> I really do believe that bean is a boy, and can't imagine it being a girl. I've only really planned for a boy, and get excited about doing boy things, but now I'm really worried that if I find out on Tuesday that its a girl, that I'll suffer from gender disappointment and wont bond as well.
> 
> Has anyone else felt like this, and were your feelings right? If they weren't, did you get gender disappointment?
> 
> It's odd, because all my life, ever since I was a child, I've always wanted a daughter. Now it's come down to it, I'm hoping for a boy.

I know what you're going through.
From the day I saw baby on our 12 week scan, I was convinced baby was a girl. All of the old wives tales and tests and online gender charts and predictors all said girl. Family members were also convinced. I went to my scan and was very nervous in the waiting room.

We went in and the scan was over half an hour because the baby was wriggling so much it took that long to get the measurements. They don't tell you the gender until the end either. We waited patiently and she told us that he was a little boy.

*I almost fell off the bed in shock.*

The whole walk back to the car, I was in shock. It wouldn't sink in and I kept telling myself "she must be wrong, she doesn't know what she's talking about, how can she be so sure anyway?" Time is passing and it's slowly sinking in that baby is a little boy. I still get a little upset sometimes when I go shopping and wish that I was buying the sweet little dresses etc. But then I realise that that's not my little boy's fault and I should just be grateful that he is extremely healthy in there.

After all, this won't be my only child. So I'm sure I'll have my little girl some day. She will just have a big brother to take care of her now. :)


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## mamawanabe21

Purplehippo said:


> mamawanabe21 said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone else have an overwhelming feeling about the gender of their baby?
> 
> I really do believe that bean is a boy, and can't imagine it being a girl. I've only really planned for a boy, and get excited about doing boy things, but now I'm really worried that if I find out on Tuesday that its a girl, that I'll suffer from gender disappointment and wont bond as well.
> 
> Has anyone else felt like this, and were your feelings right? If they weren't, did you get gender disappointment?
> 
> It's odd, because all my life, ever since I was a child, I've always wanted a daughter. Now it's come down to it, I'm hoping for a boy.
> 
> Maybe if your that worried don't find out the sex? Then when lo is born you wil be so happy it may take that disappointment away? If you feel you will be really upset. Just a thought xClick to expand...


I've considered this, but I have OCD, and I'm obsessive about organisation. I HAVE to know what I'm doing, and it can't be neutral because to me that doesn't feel organised? It's hard to explain, sorry if that doesn't make sense. :)


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## sue_88

mamawanabe21 said:


> sue_88 said:
> 
> 
> I always new I wanted a girl, and I know that I only want one baby.
> 
> Had she been a boy it would have taken me a long time to get over it, coupled with the fact my whole family didn't make it a secret they wanted a girl as well so I think I would have suffered quite badly for a while.
> 
> I know I'll love the baby unconditionally no matter what the sex, but it's the main reason as to why I've opted to find out at my scan. At least then I'll have another 20 weeks to get my head around the flavour of my bun lol.
> I also feel a lot of pressure from family members too. Half want a boy, and half want a girl, and I know that neither halves will hide their disappointment when they find out either way!Click to expand...

Yeah definitely the love will be there regardless, but you sound the same as me. It's the exact reason why I found out at 18 weeks what I was having so I could have all the time I needed to adjust to a boy (if it was) before it was born.

Not finding out would have stressed me out too much and then I still would have been disappointed then which is unfair on baby because under no circumstances did I want a boy. Sounds horrible writing it down but I have thought about having a girl since I was 10/12 years old.

I really hope you'll get your dream - it does feel amazing. :flower:


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## mamawanabe21

I have my scan on Tuesday, Knk, and I'm already very nervous. Of course the top priority is that everything is healthy about him/her, and if they do say girl I think I'll probably react the same as you! 
I'm just so convinced, it's really hard for me to imagine someone saying I'm wrong about it lol.


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## shelx

mamawanabe21 said:


> charlotteliz said:
> 
> 
> Not sure u can post about this in here:-s
> 
> Why? xClick to expand...

Theres a gender disappointment section on the forum specifically for posts like this. :)


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## charlotteliz

As above x


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## Amygdala

mamawanabe21 said:


> Purplehippo said:
> 
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> mamawanabe21 said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone else have an overwhelming feeling about the gender of their baby?
> 
> I really do believe that bean is a boy, and can't imagine it being a girl. I've only really planned for a boy, and get excited about doing boy things, but now I'm really worried that if I find out on Tuesday that its a girl, that I'll suffer from gender disappointment and wont bond as well.
> 
> Has anyone else felt like this, and were your feelings right? If they weren't, did you get gender disappointment?
> 
> It's odd, because all my life, ever since I was a child, I've always wanted a daughter. Now it's come down to it, I'm hoping for a boy.
> 
> Maybe if your that worried don't find out the sex? Then when lo is born you wil be so happy it may take that disappointment away? If you feel you will be really upset. Just a thought xClick to expand...
> 
> 
> I've considered this, but I have OCD, and I'm obsessive about organisation. I HAVE to know what I'm doing, and it can't be neutral because to me that doesn't feel organised? It's hard to explain, sorry if that doesn't make sense. :)Click to expand...

Maybe it's not really that you'd be disappointed with a girl, maybe it's just the thought of your hunch being wrong? I'm also quite obsessive about having control over my life (although no diagnosed OCD or anything) and I understand that it SUCKS not knowing "who" you're carrying in your belly. I'm finding out for that same reason. Maybe your mind has just convinced you that it's a boy as a coping mechanism, to take away the uncertainty. And maybe you don't really mind which gender you've got deep down, maybe it's just the knowing itself that matters? I don't know if I'm explaining this properly but basically, maybe once you know for sure, it'll be ok either way, because you know?


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## Purplehippo

mamawanabe21 said:


> Purplehippo said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mamawanabe21 said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone else have an overwhelming feeling about the gender of their baby?
> 
> I really do believe that bean is a boy, and can't imagine it being a girl. I've only really planned for a boy, and get excited about doing boy things, but now I'm really worried that if I find out on Tuesday that its a girl, that I'll suffer from gender disappointment and wont bond as well.
> 
> Has anyone else felt like this, and were your feelings right? If they weren't, did you get gender disappointment?
> 
> It's odd, because all my life, ever since I was a child, I've always wanted a daughter. Now it's come down to it, I'm hoping for a boy.
> 
> Maybe if your that worried don't find out the sex? Then when lo is born you wil be so happy it may take that disappointment away? If you feel you will be really upset. Just a thought xClick to expand...
> 
> 
> I've considered this, but I have OCD, and I'm obsessive about organisation. I HAVE to know what I'm doing, and it can't be neutral because to me that doesn't feel organised? It's hard to explain, sorry if that doesn't make sense. :)Click to expand...

No makes complete sense to me I suffer from anxiety and with that I get OCD over things too :hugs:


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## knk2011

mamawanabe21 said:


> I have my scan on Tuesday, Knk, and I'm already very nervous. Of course the top priority is that everything is healthy about him/her, and if they do say girl I think I'll probably react the same as you!
> I'm just so convinced, it's really hard for me to imagine someone saying I'm wrong about it lol.

It was the same for me. I also felt like I'd bonded with a little girl since 12 weeks. So I kind of feel like I'm having to re-do all that bonding again. But it is SOOO nice to finally know and to finally think realistically about names or colours you might paint the nursery :)


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## knk2011

shelx said:


> mamawanabe21 said:
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> charlotteliz said:
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> 
> Not sure u can post about this in here:-s
> 
> Why? xClick to expand...
> 
> Theres a gender disappointment section on the forum specifically for posts like this. :)Click to expand...


Worst case scenario, administrators will move the thread for you. I went to the gender disappointment thread and physically could not figure out how to post or read threads, it said something about logging in or something, yet I was already logged in to the website :wacko:


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## Stevensmummyx

This time round I was convinced I was having a girl, all the old wives tales and predictors said girl and I was so excited, the thought of having a son and a daughter was just perfect but of course it was all wishful thinking! Found out at my 20 week scan bubs was a boy and I was expecting to be really gutted because I had wanted a girl so badly, but when the ultrasound lady told me I was having a boy this wave of excitement and proudness swept over me and now I couldn't imagine being pregnant with a girl (this time) I know I will get my daughter one day but for now my life is just perfect with my boys <3 xxx


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## knk2011

Stevensmummyx said:


> This time round I was convinced I was having a girl, all the old wives tales and predictors said girl and I was so excited, the thought of having a son and a daughter was just perfect but of course it was all wishful thinking! Found out at my 20 week scan bubs was a boy and I was expecting to be really gutted because I had wanted a girl so badly, but when the ultrasound lady told me I was having a boy this wave of excitement and proudness swept over me and now I couldn't imagine being pregnant with a girl (this time) I know I will get my daughter one day but for now my life is just perfect with my boys <3 xxx

I feel like that, kind of like I couldn't imagine it being any other way now. Almost like the thought of having a baby girl at the moment would just be unrealistic FOR ME.

I get really excited now when I see little boys in supermarkets and things and see how madly excited they are about just about everything lol.


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## Pink Flowers

knk2011 said:


> shelx said:
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> mamawanabe21 said:
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> charlotteliz said:
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> 
> Not sure u can post about this in here:-s
> 
> Why? xClick to expand...
> 
> Theres a gender disappointment section on the forum specifically for posts like this. :)Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Worst case scenario, administrators will move the thread for you. I went to the gender disappointment thread and physically could not figure out how to post or read threads, it said something about logging in or something, yet I was already logged in to the website :wacko:Click to expand...

You have to request access. 


I think it is better to find out if you have an feeling as we didnt with ds1 and I believed he was a boy and then when he was born it was a shock and took me a long time to bond and for it to sink in. I wouldnt have him any other way now but I could not get my head round it.


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## knk2011

Pink Flowers said:


> knk2011 said:
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> shelx said:
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> mamawanabe21 said:
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> charlotteliz said:
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> 
> Not sure u can post about this in here:-s
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> Why? xClick to expand...
> 
> Theres a gender disappointment section on the forum specifically for posts like this. :)Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Worst case scenario, administrators will move the thread for you. I went to the gender disappointment thread and physically could not figure out how to post or read threads, it said something about logging in or something, yet I was already logged in to the website :wacko:Click to expand...
> 
> You have to request access.
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> I think it is better to find out if you have an feeling as we didnt with ds1 and I believed he was a boy and then when he was born it was a shock and took me a long time to bond and for it to sink in. I wouldnt have him any other way now but I could not get my head round it.Click to expand...

I've found it's gotten easier now that I see all his little blue clothes etc around the house. Kind of drills it in a bit further.


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## maybebaby3

This post is probably best suited to the gender disappointment forum :flower:


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## mamawanabe21

shelx said:


> mamawanabe21 said:
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> charlotteliz said:
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> Not sure u can post about this in here:-s
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> Why? xClick to expand...
> 
> Theres a gender disappointment section on the forum specifically for posts like this. :)Click to expand...

Oh sorry! I didn't realise. :dohh:
Sorry if I offended people putting it in the wrong place, I didn't mean to! :)


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## IndieBelle

I had my heart set on a girl, I knew I would be upset if it was a boy. Everything pointed to girl, even my intuition but I tried not to listen, didn't want to get my hopes up. We got the lady doing the ultrasound to write the gender down for us so hubby could tell me. He told me in the car that it was a boy... I cried the whole way home, at home, in the shower, in bed etc. Tried to go baby shopping to cheer myself up and to get used to the idea of a boy, but I would always end up almost in tears seeing all the beautiful little girls clothes and toys then nothing cute for boys. I had a hard time calling the baby a 'he', bub would be called 'it'. Bub would kick and I just wouldn't really get excited. I felt like it would be okay when bub would come, I would love him no matter what, but just the long 20 week wait would be horrible.

BIL and his gf are having a baby three weeks before us, total accident, really don't think they were ready at all. Was a bit upsetting to find out after we had got ourselves set up and ready to try that they were pregnant and so close to us as well. Found out that she was having a girl and just cut so deep.

We found out about five weeks ago. Now I am used to the idea. Not worried about bonding when bub is born any more, I love him now so much already! Every kick and movement makes me smile again. I still get occasionally upset seeing all the pink things and girl clothes. I am honestly surprised about how fast it went away. I thought I would be the worst! I was terrible for a while there and I felt like a terrible person. I reaaaaaaaally wished that I reacted differently, I never imagined crying so much when finding out the gender of our first child. Should've been the most exciting time, and all I could do was cry and worry about myself :(

My biggest worry is the next child/ren we have will be boys too and that I will never get a girl! That's probably why I was so upset too, that if I had a girl first, I would know that I would already have my little girl. Also I hate trucks and cars and football and dinosaurs and everything like that  Our theme is a basic light blue and white and a few dog things here and there (we have two dogs). I worry that I won't bond that great with him as he gets older, I'm such a girly girl.

:flower::flower:


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## AllieM

^^^ this was me 8 years ago when they told me #1 was a boy. I was raised with only a sister and girl cousins and I couldnt even imagine having a son. But, that's because I was caught up in the boy stereotypes of blue, trucks, dirt, etc. After having him, I realized he was soooo much more than that. The bond between a mother and son is wonderful and amazing. I'm so glad I didn't miss out on that. The lack of pretty dresses in the closet, didn't mean as much anymore. Now, I find life with him exciting. We go to watch his soccer games and for me, it is a new experience, so fun to cheer him on! The good night hugs and spontaneous "I love you" melt my heart. When I found out #2 was a boy, everyone was upset for me. But the funny thing was, I was not upset. I already knew what awesome things were waiting for me when this next little boy arrived!

We are now pregs with #3 and baby is a girl. We are really excited to try something different this time too. Ever child is an adventure!


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## Pink Flowers

And I meant I thought he was a girl haha baby brain x


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## Bumpnthree

I feel the same, I'd like a little girl but my fiancé so badly wants a boy that I'm worried that in the morning when we have our scan if it's not a boy I think he will be disappointed and that will take away the excitement for me


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## bubbles82

I'm having real issues with gender and worrying if I'll be disappointed or not, or if anyone in the family or DH will be disappointed. I feel horrible for even thinking about any of it as the most important thing is a healthy baby, and the baby was so wanted and didn't choose to be brought here, we chose that so the gender really shouldn't be an issue at all. Sometimes I manage to convince myself I'm not bothered either way, or that I know it won't matter on the day what gender comes out, but then something sets me off wondering again.

I've always wanted to experience the delivery room surprise, so hoping to stay team yellow, but I'm not sure if this is the best way to go about it if there might be a disappointment issue, I don't know if it's best to find out when baby arrives so you don't care either way, or if it's best to find out early and have time to get used to it. I think it puts me off that they can occasionally get it wrong at the scan, I had a friend who was told girl and bought all pink, picked a girl name, and when her son popped out she was devastated and had a really hard time bonding.

I keep telling myself it shouldn't even matter as it's my first baby and ideally I'd like one of each, but I worry there will be extra pressure next time if this one is a boy and I feel even more like I'll never have a daughter. My DH's family is so male dominated, hardly any girls are born into it, and my instinct tells me boy (although I'm not sure if this is because I'm so convinced it won't be a girl or to try and feel less disappointed about a boy), and the wives tales such as my lack of morning sickness point to a boy. I posted my scan picture for gender guesses and every guess was girl, and all my family and friends who've unexpectedly made a prediction have guessed girl, and even all this seems to make my potential disappointment feel worse, like everyone is getting my hopes up when there's so little chance I'll have a girl.

To start with before I was even pregnant I think me and DH both had a slight preference for a girl first, but I've been so convinced it's a boy I think I've almost convinced him it's a boy and now he quite likes the idea of having a son I think he'd be disappointed if it was a girl. I think he has just switched off to anything I say pregnancy or gender related, but even though I told him about the morning sickness theory and he said nothing, now someone at his work mentioned it to him this week he suddenly thinks it's fact and that this is definitely a boy, and is so excited about a boy now.


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## immy11

mamawanabe21 said:


> shelx said:
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> mamawanabe21 said:
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> charlotteliz said:
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> 
> Not sure u can post about this in here:-s
> 
> Why? xClick to expand...
> 
> Theres a gender disappointment section on the forum specifically for posts like this. :)Click to expand...
> 
> Oh sorry! I didn't realise. :dohh:
> Sorry if I offended people putting it in the wrong place, I didn't mean to! :)Click to expand...

Don't be sorry, you can post what you like. If they don't like it then they don't have to read it. Jesus some people are way too sensitive


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## CelticNiamh

I understand exactly were you are coming from, gender dissapointment is more common and because of the stigma attached to it, it is generally not spoken about or hidden away. 

It is only natural to feel sad if you were leaning towards girl over boy or boy over girl, I think what happens, we feel dissapointed for what might have been and need to restart the bonding experience all over again. which you do and you love the little baby inside and look forward to meeting them and planning for them :flower: it does not mean we do not want our baby we do. we build an idea and then it canges so you just need to adust, for some it can be extreme and for that it is best to seek some one to talk to, to help you cope and get over it. :hugs:

we should not feel, we should not speak about it, because you know saying it out loud, you deal with it, then you can accept it and move on and yes even get supper excited on having your baby which ever it is boy or girl :hugs:


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## Pielette

It's so natural and happens to a lot of people, and I think finding out during your pregnancy is always a good idea if you think you may feel that twinge of disappointment. Then you can get over it and look forward to meeting your baby :flower:

I'll be honest, I was desperately hoping to be told I was having a girl this time. I've dreamed for so long of having a daughter. I think because my mum and I are so close, I really wanted to have that for myself. But my DH's family is literally full of boys. Our second boy will be the fifth grandchild and fifth boy, and my DH has two brothers and a sister. There hasn't been a girl since that sister, and she's in her forties!

I think that might be where my longing for a girl comes from. Because I fear that due to genetics running in DH's family, it just won't happen for me.

BUT don't get me wrong. I adore my little boy, so so much, and having a second boy is wonderful. I did feel a tiny bit upset when I found out, I will admit it, but I'm starting to bond so much with my little guy now, he has a name and when I feel him kick I get the biggest grin on my face :cloud9: And I also can't wait to see my two boys playing together, giving my DS the gift of a brother is amazing because I know that they will (hopefully) grow up having a best friend for life!

I hope I may have a girl at some point in the future. But if not I will just accept that God meant for me to be surrounded by gorgeous men :haha:

Please don't beat yourself up for feeling this or that emotion. The important thing is that you let yourself feel it, then pick yourself up and adjust :flower: And believe you me, when you give birth to that child, boy or girl, you'll love him/her so much that you won't give a flying fig what gender they are!


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## kirstybumx3

i was certain my baby was a girl, id planned all the pretty outfits i would buy for her, id even chose her name. everyone in my family predicted i was carring a girl, except my OH. he said from the day i told him i was pregnant that i was having a boy, i just used to tell him he will feel like a fool on the day of the scan.
oh how wrong i was, i felt like the fool.
i was so shocked that my baby is a son and it took a while to adapt. we did go shopping that day for some little boys outfits, and i still found myself looking at the girl things thinking maybe she was wrong (she definitely wasnt, he was not shy one bit, everything was right in our faces lol)
its been 8 days since i found out im having a boy, and honestly i am totally ok with it. i would have loved a little girl, as my instinct told me thats what he was, and thats how i began to bond with him, as a girl.
but now i know he is a boy i dont love him any less, im learning to bond with him completely as a boy, as i know this will never change, and i have huge pleasure in knowing my OH has got the son that he wanted and my baby will never ever be treated any differently to how he would have been if he was a girl.

ps. i know some people do suffer badly with gender disappointment and i cant comment from their point of view and wont ever judge, all im saying is you CAN learn to love your baby for what it is, and when it is born im sure all your gender issues will just disappear as the gift of life is precious no matter what xx


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## Whatme

I was so sure I was having another little girl, and just picked out girls names and only looked at pink things! 20 week scan.. Bam! It's a boy.. It took a few days to come to terms with the fact, we weren't disappointed just shocked, I love the fact I'm having a boy now! Xx


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## motherofboys

I'm on my 4th baby, I have 3 boys. This time I have a feeling that this one is a girl. Every time I think about the baby I think about a girl. I'm not sure if this is instinct (which btw was correct with my 3 boys, even though with them I had no preference one way or the other) or just wishful thinking. I'm actually pretty convinced I'm wrong and that I'm destined to only have boys. Although I won't love my boy any less, I do feel I'll be missing out on an experience if I don't have a girl.


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