# Any other single moms by choice?



## drsquid

There doesnt seem to be a life journeys or any other sort of place for this. I know a few of us were together on trying to conceive but... Thought id put it out there. 

I'm 39. Ran out of time to find a partner and have kids so I decided to just do the kids thing.


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## Jennifurball

I chose to be a single mum because my relationship was toxic for me, him and Scarlett. We just weren't compatible but somehow lasted 5 years. It hasn't been easy, but it is mostly easier than the abuse I suffered when with him.

I am 30 now and get upset not knowing what lies ahead, whether I could meet someone next week or in 5 years. I probably would like another if I met the right man but I don't want it to be too late for me.


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## LeoTheLion

Im broke off my relationship about 3 months ago because our relationship wasnt heathly, lo is 13 months x


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## Dezireey

I'm 39 too. My partner and I never intended nor spoke about having kids and I thought at my age it was never going to happen as I also had endo and fibroids. I do think though that if this hadn't happened, I may have very well finished with my partner and tried to go it alone before 40. Im glad I have my little boy but FOB bailing out on me was unexpected. He adamantly said he did not want kids when I told him I was pregnant. There was no doubt about going ahead with it in my mind as this could have been my last chance, he could have many years ahead of him to have kids if he changed his mind, I didn't have that luxury and he more or less gave the ultimatum of choose me or this baby, you can't have both. It was a no brainer.


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## emeraldbaby

I left my toxic rship several months ago.
Now im just focusing on trying to heal emotionally and prepare for my baby coming. 
I feel very blessed to be pregnant and I will always strive to be the best mom possible.
One day in the not too soon future I hope to meet someone who will treat me and my child well, but at the moment its all about my baby and giving them all my time and attention. Nothing else matters.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!


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## RaRalalala

I'm 22 and I broke off the relationship with my partner when I was about 3 months pregnant, he lived 3 hours away from me, was full of bullsh*t and couldn't even be bothered to get a proper job. Said enough to me to know that I would be better doing it on my own rather than him snoring through the night and me resenting him even more than necessary. Seems I made the right decision as he's never bothered to see her more than twice, the last time being when she was ten days old and he even quit his job so he wont have to pay for her. Never thought I would be glad of my decision of leaving him!


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## holdontohope

drsquid said:


> There doesnt seem to be a life journeys or any other sort of place for this. I know a few of us were together on trying to conceive but... Thought id put it out there.
> 
> I'm 39. Ran out of time to find a partner and have kids so I decided to just do the kids thing.

Did you use a sperm donor? 

I am 23 and I am using a sperm donor. I start long protocol IVF October 13th :thumbup:


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## drsquid

hold- yup. i did 4 iui before my idiot doc finally tested the sperm and found out it was crap. ended up doing ivf with lupron suppression etc. went great =) fingers crossed for you


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## holdontohope

drsquid said:


> hold- yup. i did 4 iui before my idiot doc finally tested the sperm and found out it was crap. ended up doing ivf with lupron suppression etc. went great =) fingers crossed for you


about where do you live? I am in the US

I can't believe they didn't test the sperm from the beginning :growlmad: that is something they automatically do here. Did you use a sperm bank? 

I am having a hard time choosing a donor! Did you chose anonymous or willing to be known? 

How was doing IVF "alone"? I mean without a partner... I have wonderful family support and my mom wants to be apart of everything, which I am very greatful for!! I still wonder what the whole process is going to be like :) 

I am using lupron and Gonal-F or Repronex. Plus progesterone and a list of antibiotics and vag creams (still not sure why I need those lol) 

Nice to meet someone who went through the same thing!! :hugs:


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## holdontohope

and sorry for all the questions!! LOL


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## drsquid

according to my doc the sperm from sperm banks is always good...sigh. even though it came back crap he still claimed it was my eggs but.. my results with ivf were incredible so.. wasnt my darn eggs. anyway yeah i used european sperm bank of america who seemed quite upset about the poor sperm and gave me 4 free vials. by that point is was frustrated and just went with ivf. i knew i wanted asian and taller than 5'10. first donor was 6'3 half chinese half korean the one i ended up using was 5'10 and vietnamese. why asian? i dunno. just liked the idea. i went with open id because i felt that that information should be available to my kids if they want it in the future because it would be too hard for them to find out otherwise if they wanna know. i knew i didnt want a known donor (didnt want a kid to feel like the donor could have been involved if they were a better kid etc). dont mind the questions .ask away. my folks are super supportive but they live on the other side of the country. got a friend to give me a lift for egg retrieval (she offered i didnt ask). im super independent so i didnt have a problem with it. oh and im in oakland ca.


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## RaRalalala

I was just intrigued by the asian choice! FOB is 1/4 chinese so LO is an 1/8th! Lol I just think you're very brave to of known what you wanted and gone and done it! I chose to have LO on my own once I was already pregnant but I don't know if I would of had the courage to of got pregnant by choice on my own, I guess you just feel a lot more sure once you know there is already a little baby on the way to look after and do what's best! Still you wont be in any a different situation from myself, LO will know who her dad is if she asks but doesn't look like he is going to be involved at all!


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## holdontohope

I am in CA too :) 
why did you choose to use a European sperm bank? I am using a sperm bank in San Francisco that is mainly used for same sex couples and single women. There "willing to be known donors" mean that when a child turns 18, they will be given access to there fathers first and last name, address and phone number. They also are the only sperm bank in CA that do video taped interviews with the "willing to be known" sperm donors. So I could not only pay extra to see a baby picture, but also see/hear what the donor looks like as an adult... I don't know quite yet how I feel about that :wacko:
So far I know I want Caucasian/German/Swedish (something along that line) over 6'2 and no family medical history of endometriosis or any other womens/male health disorders. 

ok I have more questions! :) 
how were the injections? how many eggs did you get? did you freeze embryos/eggs? How much did your IVF cost? 

I had difficulty coming up with the money big time! They quoted me at 17,000 :wacko: and I have 0 insurance coverage for infertility. I had to get 2 separate loans!


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## drsquid

I used European sperm bank cause they had a 6'3 Asian guy. I had no interest in hearing the voice etc cause it isn't as though the baby will sound like them. Plus they were the only ones I found so I didn't have a choice. This is the same... Age 18 the kids can get the info. Which clinic are you using? I used alta bates but the retrieval etc was at pacific fertility in sf. Ivf was nearly 11,000 and drugs were about 3000. Did you try iui and fail? That is far far far cheaper and less invasive. I had fabulous results. 13 retrieved 12 mature and 11 fertilized. All 11 made it to blast. The 2 I put back both stuck and I froze 4. 

Rara- my cousins wife is Vietnamese too so the kids will look like their cousins. I prefer Asian men in general. And yeah it was a hard choice but I'm 39... So it was now or never


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## katrus78

Hi all, I am 34, live on US and also made a choice to get pg on my own using a donor. I already have a 9yo boy but wanted a second child badly. I was monitored by the IVF clinic for a year before I found the right donor (I also have some infertility issues), but than went straight to IVF which was successfull from the first try, thank god. I am 28 weeks pg with girl twins now and couldn't be happier!


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## drsquid

wow.. 3 by yourself// im freaked about my 2 on the way.congrats on the twins.. mine are boy girl


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## PearlD

Hey guys. I am really glad I found this thread, as it has given me some hope. I am 39 and trying to conceive on my own. I realized last year that I really wanted to be a mom and couldn't wait for Mr. Right anymore. I have gone through 3 IUIs - the 1st didn't take, the 2nd was a chemical and the 3rd was an ectopic (which was the most horrible thing I have ever gone through). The doctor has now cleared me to try again after recovering from the ectopic - the IUI should be around the 16th or 17th. Everything looks great - the HSG showed perfectly open tubes, my hormone levels are right on the money and my day 3 ultrasound showed a good number of follicles. But for some reason, I couldn't get it out of my mind this morning that there is just something wrong with me - specifically that I waited too long and my eggs are just too "old". Reading this thread has really helped me realize that I should never give up hope, so I just wanted to say thanks for posting. Congrats to those expecting and good luck to those in the TTC boat like me.


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## drsquid

pearl- yay glad you found it. i was frustrated cause i think there really is a difference between single mom's by choice (ie you choose in advance there will be no "father") vs when it happens by circumstance. just different issues and stresses. sorry to hear about your iui issues. i had 4 failed myself (which led me to think i flat out coulndt get pregnant). clearly given the results you had so far... ie 2 pregnancies (even though they didnt work out). your eggs still know how to party. fingers crossed this one is it for you


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## holdontohope

I am choosing a sperm donor from Pacific Reproductive Services in sf! lol what a small world! My clinic is in Redondo Beach. I was quoted around 17,000 which would of included everything. 
6,500 Dr.s fees
3,250 lab and surgery fees 
2,500-3,000 medication 
1,500 egg freezing for 5 years 
1,000 sperm donor 
If needed things:
1,000 ICSI
500 embryo freezing

Did you get a loan also to pay for everything? Did you need ICSI?

I have not tired IUI or anything else. I was told that IVF was my best/only option because of how severe my endometriosis is. I have stage 4 endo, adenomyosis, 1 damaged tube/possibly ovary also. I have only had a couple periods this year, so I don't ovulate often either. Basically I was dealt shit cards at a young age and this is my chance to carry a biological child of my own. 

Doctor is going all out with me since this will probably be the only chance:thumbup: He is hoping to get 25 to 30 eggs


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## holdontohope

PearlD said:


> Hey guys. I am really glad I found this thread, as it has given me some hope. I am 39 and trying to conceive on my own. I realized last year that I really wanted to be a mom and couldn't wait for Mr. Right anymore. I have gone through 3 IUIs - the 1st didn't take, the 2nd was a chemical and the 3rd was an ectopic (which was the most horrible thing I have ever gone through). The doctor has now cleared me to try again after recovering from the ectopic - the IUI should be around the 16th or 17th. Everything looks great - the HSG showed perfectly open tubes, my hormone levels are right on the money and my day 3 ultrasound showed a good number of follicles. But for some reason, I couldn't get it out of my mind this morning that there is just something wrong with me - specifically that I waited too long and my eggs are just too "old". Reading this thread has really helped me realize that I should never give up hope, so I just wanted to say thanks for posting. Congrats to those expecting and good luck to those in the TTC boat like me.

just wanted to say hi! 
Good luck on your IUI coming up! Think positive thoughts :hugs:


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## drsquid

ah got ya. i did icsi cause supposedly it is better with frozen sperm. plus i liked the idea of having the best chance of fertilization. no i had enough savings. didnt have to take a loan


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## holdontohope

i have heard that icsi is better with frozen sperm also.. But RE told me it also has to do with egg quality and since I am only 23, my eggs should be good to fertilize on there own. 

I have no savings.. or anything to pull money out of because all of it has gone to previous surgeries. I really thought I would have the option of IUI first. Hearing the words "IVF" really shocked me at first, given my age. 

But RE has helped out as much as possible which I am very grateful for! I just found out they have managed to get most of my medication donated from pharmacies :)


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## Pipalot

Hi there, have plucked up the courage to join this thread... my first time on the site but you are all so inspiring.

Am 39, single (not for the want of trying and an awful lot of internet dating ;-) and have always wanted to be a mum. Time is of the essence as ovarian reserve turned out to be waining, so I got decisive and after an emotional roller coaster of a year, am on my first cycle of IVF.

[*]First scan 8+3 follicles, thought that was ok...
[*]Second scan was yesterday and they could only see 4 that had responded to the drugs and grown, so they put me on Menopur as well as Gonal F to try and target the little ones into growing. I went on my own to the appointment and was a bit upset and disappointed as didn't know what to expect...

Next scan is tomorrow, so we will see if anything has improved. Am a bit scared. Hopefully got my sister coming for Friday's scan in case I have to make any difficult decisions....

Luck to you all and wish me luck!


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## BabyOnMyOwn

Hi! I am 36 and single, trying to become a mom. Found out a year ago I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve and since then I've done 4 iuis and 2 ivf cycles. I find out Wednesday if this last one worked, but when I tested this morning it was a BFN. I've started looking into donor eggs (to go along with the donor sperm) to see if maybe I can have a better chance that way. I hope it's ok if I stalk this thread even though I'm not pg yet.


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## drsquid

bomo- duh =) i just felt like none of the other threads applied to people trying (success or no ... so far) by themselves. So of course you are welcome. and i have fingers crossed for weds

pipa-welcome and good luck. i tried internet dating but my heart wasnt in it. im too seinfeld.. i just cant tell chemistry over the internet and even little stuff makes me lose interest.. sad i know. i realized i wanted the kid and if a guy didnt come with it.. so be it. fingers crossed for tomorrow


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## BabyOnMyOwn

Thanks Drs! I agree, it's a different situation when doing this on your own. You are 20 weeks now aren't you? So exciting!!

Pipa, good luck this week at your scans!


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## Pipalot

Thanks both of you.
Scan was a bit rubbish today, follicles not growing enough so they had racked up the medication and have pushed my next scan to thursday to giv:shrug:e more time for development. I guess its not looking great, but this is my first go at it and I don't really know what to expect.
It's all very traumatic.
:shrug::cry:


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## holdontohope

:hi: girls!! 

so glad the thread is growing!

pipalot so sorry about your scan. I hope you get better news on thursday! 

babyonmso so sorry about the failed ivf. what is the process of choosing an egg donor? I am considering egg sharing to help pay for the costs of my IVF cycle. 

drsquid how are you!?

so I started bcp pills on Saturday.. And I haven't had a period since July.. Today I woke up to spotting :shrug: Just my luck, my body always does the opposite of what the doctors want it too.. feeling nervous now :( What will happen if I continually bleed like I have before? Is there medication that can stop it?


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## Pipalot

So egg collection was this morning, bit achey... 2 follies produced total of 2 eggs, need ICSI as frozen donor sperm...now waiting to hear from embryologist tomorrow as to whether either have fertilised and if there is anything to put back in.
Fingers and toes crossed for the next step.

Holdontohope, am hoping for you, babyonmyown...it feels good to share keep going and all luck x


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## drsquid

pip- fingers crossed!!! icsi is a better plan anyway, why leave it to chance.


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## rosie5637

hi ladies:flower:

i wasn't a single mum by choice with my 1st, i was left on my own as soon as i told fob i was pregnant. 
i haven't met anyone since and as i have a family history of premature menopause i knew if i wanted another i couldn't leave it.
so a couple of years ago i started the process of having a baby on my own. i found a local sperm donor and now have a beautiful baby boy:cloud9:
my family have been very understanding and supportive, i couldn't ask for more. i had people say to me the whole way through 'you've still got loads of time, you're young'. it was really frustrating that they seemed to ignore my pending menopause, but i haven't had any negative comments about my choice (not to my face anyway:winkwink:).

i know what you mean about choosing to get pregnant and raise a child alone vs the being left alone. i've experienced both and they are very different so it's nice to find others in the same boat.

lots of babydust to those who are trying:dust:


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## Pipalot

One egg fertilised so going in tomorrow for transfer... its down to mother nature and luck now x

Thanks for your wishes DrSquid!


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## BabyOnMyOwn

How did your transfer go pip?


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## drsquid

yeah... how did it go? so exciting!


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## hayleyttcbb1

I did it this way just put in add up on a dating site basically saying i was wanting to be a younger mum etc i got alot of dodge replies but manged to find about 6 nice guys picked one that passed all checks and was a all round nice guy and our agreement is friends and if anything happens it happens worst case we end up being real good friends 1st month trying and now 6 wks preg its a weird situation very backwards in the order but it works for us and he is very much involved at this point im very lucky to have a supportive family and a bet friend who also lives with me 

Dont know if i posted in right place but was similar


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## Pipalot

Hey ladies, thanks for your thoughts.

The transfer was traumatic as not used to 4 people peering at my bits,:blush: but one grade 2 fertilised one went in!

I am on my 2 week wait but feels like AF coming, (maybe it's the progesterone?)... I have Sore boobs and an achey tummy.

Am hopeful but feel I need to also be realistic at the moment. Am assuming if I get AF then I don't take the HPT next week?

Advice please....:wacko:

Luck to you all x :thumbup:


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