# What are the rules when an absent father returns after many years demanding contact?



## xxsteffyxx

Obviously I am not in that situation... Harvey is less then a year old and his father has gone quiet because I think he's given up.

But I am curious. He was never good with Harvey as a baby and most absent fathers can't be bothered with the daily chores of rearing a child IE nappy changing, feeding, clothing, putting them to sleep etc etc. But when it comes to a baby becoming a little boy and wanting to playing football in the park, having a mind of their own, walking, talking, feeding themselves and such... well I have heard of fathers 'all of a sudden' wanting contact.

So here is the question...

If a father has been absent for so many years (say 3 years for example) and suddenly comes back and wants contact, goes to courts etc... what usually happens? Do the courts immediatly grant access permission or contact centres. Has anyone been in this situation?

((This is using the example that 'FOB' is on the birth certificate))


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## lemontree12

i dont no the answer to this and its something id be interested in also.
but i do know he wont be seeing my baby without a good fight.. my life has been turned upside down. i wasnt ready to be a parent, why sould i do all the hard work and when he fancies it comes swaning in. i feel rather strongly about it. i spent the whole of my pregnancy trying to presude him and months after, he can go screw if he thinks he can walk in playing the daddy role when he fancies.


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## Dezireey

Well I don't know details but sadly you would have to go through the whole court process, depending on what the father actually wants and what he's willing to pay for (DNA fees? - some mums have been known to be scared and suddenly say that the child is not his to get FOB away after so long, so FOB gets DNA done to prove it.) then there are fees they are willing to pay to get their name on the birth cert after DNA tests if applicable. I know they can do that if they want. I think that the courts *DO* take strongly into consideration the absence of the FOB for so long and they don't look kindly on him suddenly coming out of the blue and demanding to see his child. 

Don't forget, there is also a world of difference from e.g a man disappearing throughout the whole pregnancy and showing up when baby is 9 months. (Baby is still not really aware who he is and is not yet a proper little toddler, talking and communicating effectively) than if you have a 5 year old child suddenly stuck with a strange man three nights a week, its detrimental to the child, so these things are not taken lightly by the courts either. 

But, I think, the law is the law and if you have a wonderful man who, for example was not told he was a father for 5 years by the mother and he finds out off a friend or relative that he is a Dad, well then, the law is there to provide for Dad's like him to get access when he wants it. I don't think they can differentiate too much between deadbeat FOB's and these types of good Dad's.

It's the only thing I dread really about FOB, him deciding a few years down the line, what with his constant moaning that he 'has no family' suddenly realising that unless he gets in touch with his son, this really is is his life until he dies. I just rely on the fact that he 'hates kids' (his words) and that sticks and he never returns in our lives again. 

I can't imagine for one second though that the court would grant joint or full custody to _any_ FOB who buggers off, never pays a thing and then turns up years later when they can play ' good daddy' with a child who didnt have a clue about them leaving them or the circumstances when they were babies. Easy for them to do that isn't it? Losers.


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## lemontree12

yes iv always had the moto that i would allow access to a degree, if when we meet up i am introducing lo to him, but as soon as it gets to intoducing him to lo theres no go. i will never feel comfortable saying 'this is your dad' because he isnt, a dad is someone who loves and cares for a child. and it would be me left explaining why hes only around now, as it will be me explaining if he doesnt make an appearance. and comforting a upset child who wont understand for along time, why they dont have a daddy. i know being a mum involves comforting your child when upset, but no child should have to suffer the upset, these fob leave.


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## Seren0613

I would think that any judge would see that he has been absent for years, & would grant visitation at most... despite if he is making an honest effort years down the line.


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