# Thank you!!



## babesx3

Thank you for opening this page..Bnb!!!:thumbup:

I lost my little boy 5 weeks ago tomorrow at 18 +1. he had died at 17+ weeks
I had to give birth to him all very real..:cry:

I hate that it is classed as a 'miscarriage' as it certainly feels more like a still birth , but obviously i know it isn't...
its a middle ground...
2nd tri loss..:(

it will be good to have somewhere to chat!! and offer support to each other..:hugs:


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## Jox

Big :hugs: darlin xxx


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## babytots

:hugs: sweetheart I'm glad this section has now been opened too I lost my little girl nearly 18 months ago at 19 weeks she measured 15 weeks. I haven't posted in the loss sections for ages but may well start posting in here. 

I hope your doing ok as can be hunni x


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## mommyo2girls

:cry:I lost my little boy Tyler a little over a week ago at 16 weeks I gave birth too. I also feel it is more a still birth as I gave birth and labored and held him. I know it was 2nd tri, he passed due to umbilical cord strangulation. It does not feel like a miscarriage.:cry: I wasn't sure if I was accepted in the other section. I am also glad for this section. So sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## babesx3

:hugs: babytots , i'm sorry for your loss too!! i see u are pg now?
do u mind me asking how long it took? and how are you feeling?
i'm worried about ttc and have many mixed feelings about it...


:hugs: mummo2girls so sorry for your loss..:cry:

i find it difficult other peoples reactions to me...

some just don't know what to say or just say o well you have 3 others... i don't think they understand how developed at 17/18 week fetus is... my little charlie was a baby.....

although i have to say some are very supportive and understanding...

I saw a funeral director yesterday to arrange my Charlies cremation. he just got back from PM... i don't have the results yet, its all still very raw...
i was worried about the funeral , but they were so lovely there ..it feels right to have him a propper service . hes my son and i'm treating him the same as i would do if it were one of my other children.. i guess the only difference is it willbe private, just for me and my husband..... but that feels right too...

sorry i've rambled..:blush:


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## mommyo2girls

no don't be sorry, we are here to talk. I have also had some difficult reactions too. Things have been said that hurt me so bad. I have had people not understand me grieving and tell me I need to get out of the house. I have also had people say well you have 2 other kids. Still I will not forget my son! I treat him as I would my girls too. I think they do not know or understand what it is really like to lose a child. I wouldn't wish this hurt and pain on anyone. The one girl told me I just need to get over this and move on, um she has never had a child to begin with. Then I close off. I only feel besides a couple friends, and spouse that I have this board. I got the call that my baby (we had him creamated too) is in today. Waiting on hubby and we will bring him home. I imagine this will be raw for us for awhile. I don't know how to go on and cope. It hurts so bad that a couple weeks ago I was so happy.:cry::hugs:


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## mommyo2girls

babytots~ I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## babesx3

mommyo2girls said:


> no don't be sorry, we are here to talk. I have also had some difficult reactions too. Things have been said that hurt me so bad. I have had people not understand me grieving and tell me I need to get out of the house. I have also had people say well you have 2 other kids. Still I will not forget my son! I treat him as I would my girls too. I think they do not know or understand what it is really like to lose a child. I wouldn't wish this hurt and pain on anyone. The one girl told me I just need to get over this and move on, um she has never had a child to begin with. Then I close off. I only feel besides a couple friends, and spouse that I have this board. I got the call that my baby (we had him creamated too) is in today. Waiting on hubby and we will bring him home. I imagine this will be raw for us for awhile. I don't know how to go on and cope. It hurts so bad that a couple weeks ago I was so happy.:cry::hugs:

Its horrible isn't it when u are thinking how many weeks pregnant u would be each week... today i would be 23 weeks.. 1 week till viable..:( i had written on every fri till the end of the calander how many weeks i will be...

What do u plan on doing with your babies ashes?
we plan on planting a tree in our garden for him and sprinkling his ashes there...
i will feel better when he is home... its been such a long time doing PM etc...
and now at least another week till cremation.....

do you plan on TTc again? i know its hard to think about , but there is such a space /gap where my baby should be..:(


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## mommyo2girls

Right now I just plan on him being here in our home with us. I am putting a stepping stone and angel statue and in our garden and making an area to remember him. I also plan on finishing him a memory box putting my pregnancy test, sonograms, his blanket and stuffed animal we had got and his pictures, and letters we write to him. (my 8 yr old wrote a touching letter last night for her little brother) I just want him here with me. Woried if I ever decide to move..ect. at this moment I want him here. His urn has his name and date on it. I also had a week count down on my calendar and am still getting email updates and have my iphone baby apps. It is soooooo hard. I just wish he was safe in my tummy. At this moment I think I will find comfort when we have him here. Was thinking whenever I go he could be burried with me. When my grandma passed she had her sister's remains with her. I do want to try again not to take his place (he was still here) Dr. said to wait 3 months. I just do not feel as though my family is complete. Ty was suppose to complete it. I feel like a huge piece of me went with him in the delivery room. It is so hard now I feel empty and lost. :(


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## babesx3

the angel statue sounds lovely..
I have a memory box too that the hospital gave me, its lovely your daughter wrote jim a letter, i was just talking to my sister this afternoon about writing Charlie a letter, telling how much he means to me and what happened to him, and that when he was born i held him and loved him... just need the strength to write it now....
thats a lovely idea of him being buried with you too!! :hugs: its so hard to know what to do isn't it!! just not preppared for loosing a child :(


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## Mummy2Angel.

:hugs:


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## mommyo2girls

babesx3 said:


> the angel statue sounds lovely..
> I have a memory box too that the hospital gave me, its lovely your daughter wrote jim a letter, i was just talking to my sister this afternoon about writing Charlie a letter, telling how much he means to me and what happened to him, and that when he was born i held him and loved him... just need the strength to write it now....
> thats a lovely idea of him being buried with you too!! :hugs: its so hard to know what to do isn't it!! just not preppared for loosing a child :(


I wrote a letter on Tue. It helps so much to get out my feelings. (talk and write, makes he deal and cope cause I feel like I am in a bad dream) I got a blue satin box from the hospital but it will not hold heverything I want to put in there. I find comfort in writing my thoughts down in a journal too. Hospital gave me a little one. Have you read any books? It is sooooo hard. I try to sty srong infront of my girls (8&5) The oldest is grieving too. She always wanted a little brother.:cry: Hubby is grieving hard and angry he always wanted a boy. :cry:It is hard when we grieve differently.:nope: :hugs:


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## 3 girlies

just wanted to give you a huge :hugs: xxx


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## babesx3

:hugs: it must be hard having older children who are grieveing too... my eldest is 4 1/2, then i have a 3yr old and a 16 month old.. the younger 2 don't understand but the older girl asked more questions, but seems to have understood and just accepted that baby Charlie is with the Angels... we were upset too that he was a little boy, we so wanted a little boy.. i have 2 girls and one hen pecked little boy who we really wanted a brother for.... its not that i wouldn't have been devastated at losing a little girl obviously i would of done, but it was just so 'perfect' to have a little boy...
initially i desperatly wanted to be pregnant again, i don't know now if i can go thru the heartbreak again.. but just feel quite empty now, without the baby..:(


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## bumski

just wanted to send lots of :hugs: your way, didnt want to read and run, my thoughts are with you xxxx


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## babytots

babesx3 said:


> :hugs: babytots , i'm sorry for your loss too!! i see u are pg now?
> do u mind me asking how long it took? and how are you feeling?
> i'm worried about ttc and have many mixed feelings about it...

Hi hun it took us 6 months in total to fall pg with our son. Df wasn't ready to start ttc at first but after 3 months he agreed to try one more time (Jessica was our 3rd loss after 2 miscarriages). It was a tough journey and even when I passed the milestone of when I lost Jessica that fear of losing him never left me. Towards the end I broke down and ended up having a panic attack and begged the consultant to induce me at 38 weeks rather then 39 weeks which we had planned.

Thankfully he arrived safely but the worry hasn't left me I panic in the middle night thinking I'm going to find him not breathing irrational thoughts but since losing Jessica and posting in the loss sections its opened my eyes up to how many babies are lost to all different reasons and now hes here I worry about sids. 

He is all worth it though and has given us a reason to smile again. I know Jessica is watching over us and keeping him safe and one day I will meet her again x


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## babytots

mommyo2girls said:


> babytots~ I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:

Thanks sweetie I'm so sorry for your loss too :hug: x


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## Vickieh1981

I am with you in hating the description of miscarriage even though they deemed her a second trimester/late miscarriage.

I laboured for five hours, delivered her, held her, photographed her and buried her yet it seems like people just think you should get on with life as if nothing ever happened.

I'm really glad this place is here.


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## babesx3

babytots said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> :hugs: babytots , i'm sorry for your loss too!! i see u are pg now?
> do u mind me asking how long it took? and how are you feeling?
> i'm worried about ttc and have many mixed feelings about it...
> 
> Hi hun it took us 6 months in total to fall pg with our son. Df wasn't ready to start ttc at first but after 3 months he agreed to try one more time (Jessica was our 3rd loss after 2 miscarriages). It was a tough journey and even when I passed the milestone of when I lost Jessica that fear of losing him never left me. Towards the end I broke down and ended up having a panic attack and begged the consultant to induce me at 38 weeks rather then 39 weeks which we had planned.
> 
> Thankfully he arrived safely but the worry hasn't left me I panic in the middle night thinking I'm going to find him not breathing irrational thoughts but since losing Jessica and posting in the loss sections its opened my eyes up to how many babies are lost to all different reasons and now hes here I worry about sids.
> 
> He is all worth it though and has given us a reason to smile again. I know Jessica is watching over us and keeping him safe and one day I will meet her again x
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not sure if I would be able to go through that worClick to expand...

you've been thru so much, well done for getting thru it!!:hugs:

I know what you mean tho about reding the loss forums..:( so many terrible things happen, breaks my heart to read what some of the ladys have been thru..:cry: 
I had my first panic attack last week on the day i went to see the funeral directors, really scared me.. i'm hoping it won't happen again,.. but i can imagine being pregnant again taking its toll!

congratulaytions on your little boy..:hugs:
really do miss tickers on this page :(

i like to think our angels are looking down on us too!!


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## babesx3

Vickieh1981 said:


> I am with you in hating the description of miscarriage even though they deemed her a second trimester/late miscarriage.
> 
> I laboured for five hours, delivered her, held her, photographed her and buried her yet it seems like people just think you should get on with life as if nothing ever happened.
> 
> I'm really glad this place is here.

:hugs: sorry for your loss

i know what u mean..
Charlie was my 4th baby and his birth was the most traumatic of the 3 as i had a retained placenta and haemoraged so had to go to theatre...
its not easy to get over giving birth to a baby, holding them, seeing what they look like, taking pictures, etc..then carrying on with life like nothing happened...
big hugs :hugs:


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## shocker

In so sorry for your loss :hugs: I lost my son rowan last October at 14 weeks 4 days, i remember thinking once I got to 12 weeks that everything would be ok and I'd be taking home my baby. Sending hugs to all of you :hugs: xx


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## Vickieh1981

babesx3 said:


> Vickieh1981 said:
> 
> 
> I am with you in hating the description of miscarriage even though they deemed her a second trimester/late miscarriage.
> 
> I laboured for five hours, delivered her, held her, photographed her and buried her yet it seems like people just think you should get on with life as if nothing ever happened.
> 
> I'm really glad this place is here.
> 
> :hugs: sorry for your loss
> 
> i know what u mean..
> Charlie was my 4th baby and his birth was the most traumatic of the 3 as i had a retained placenta and haemoraged so had to go to theatre...
> its not easy to get over giving birth to a baby, holding them, seeing what they look like, taking pictures, etc..then carrying on with life like nothing happened...
> big hugs :hugs:Click to expand...

I'm with you on that one. I delivered missy at 5pm and they tried for ages to manually remove the placenta but couldn't.

I had eaten half a roll just before having her (the first thing in two days since I found out) and so they had to wait four hours to take me into theatre and I lost a lot of blood.

It's horrid isn't it? Like it's not hard enough to go through a delivery under those circumstances in the first place but then to have complications. :-(


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## Mystique26

These wonderful angels should never be forgotten. They are a part of us no matter what. I lost mine 8 years ago. It really was a miscarriage bec I was only about 8 or 9 weeks along, but he/she is still my baby no matter what. It's been ages, but his/her memory lives on. It is very much ok to grieve because it is part of the healing process. There could be nothing more painful in this world than losing a child. Sending you ladies loads of hugs especially at this time. :hugs:


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## xerinx

I lost my 1st baby when i was 18. I was 21 weeks pregnant with a lil girl who i called elisha. 

I found out at 10 weeks that her stomach ect was out side her body and was informed that everything would be ok and she would just need an operation when she was born. They sent me for an amniocentisis at 17 weeks to make sure it wasnt a chromosonal problem and thats when i found out she was a girl and that the chromosones were normal. I had another scan at 21 weeks and they told me that they wouldnt operate as it would cost too much money. I was given 2 choices either deliver her and let her pass during labour or wait until term and then watch her pass then I chose to have her then as i didnt any support from anyone and didnt know what to do tbh.

They induced my labour and she was born/passed on 20th june 2004 at 5.03pm, i will never forget having to be discharged from hospital that night and having to drive away without her. I had never seen such a perfect lil baby she had eyelashes and fingernails and she weighed 2lb3oz. 

Ive gone on to have another 3 children since then however it stil hurts everytime i think about her, the care i got was terrible, (they lost her for 1 day whilst transporting her to funeral directors and it took 3 months for them to actually meet with me to let me know what happened! I had a pushy doctor come in 5 mins after i delivered her trying to force me to have a post mortem even tho i had told midwifes ect i didnt want anyone touching her!) It still is one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with and my thoughts are with anyone thats going through this now xxx


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## babesx3

shocker said:


> In so sorry for your loss :hugs: I lost my son rowan last October at 14 weeks 4 days, i remember thinking once I got to 12 weeks that everything would be ok and I'd be taking home my baby. Sending hugs to all of you :hugs: xx

:hugs: so sorry for your lossxxx

It makes a farse out of not telling people till after 12 week scan doesn't it!! you have that 12 weeks scan then u breath a sigh of relieif that everythings ok... think it makes the blow that it isn't so much harder....:hugs:

:kiss: floaty kisses for rowan xx


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## babesx3

Vickieh1981 said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Vickieh1981 said:
> 
> 
> I am with you in hating the description of miscarriage even though they deemed her a second trimester/late miscarriage.
> 
> I laboured for five hours, delivered her, held her, photographed her and buried her yet it seems like people just think you should get on with life as if nothing ever happened.
> 
> I'm really glad this place is here.
> 
> :hugs: sorry for your loss
> 
> i know what u mean..
> Charlie was my 4th baby and his birth was the most traumatic of the 3 as i had a retained placenta and haemoraged so had to go to theatre...
> its not easy to get over giving birth to a baby, holding them, seeing what they look like, taking pictures, etc..then carrying on with life like nothing happened...
> big hugs :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> I'm with you on that one. I delivered missy at 5pm and they tried for ages to manually remove the placenta but couldn't.
> 
> I had eaten half a roll just before having her (the first thing in two days since I found out) and so they had to wait four hours to take me into theatre and I lost a lot of blood.
> 
> It's horrid isn't it? Like it's not hard enough to go through a delivery under those circumstances in the first place but then to have complications. :-(Click to expand...

:hugs:
Now we have tickers back i see u are pregnant again..hows it going? how are you doing? must be hard!:hugs:


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## babesx3

xerinx said:


> I lost my 1st baby when i was 18. I was 21 weeks pregnant with a lil girl who i called elisha.
> 
> I found out at 10 weeks that her stomach ect was out side her body and was informed that everything would be ok and she would just need an operation when she was born. They sent me for an amniocentisis at 17 weeks to make sure it wasnt a chromosonal problem and thats when i found out she was a girl and that the chromosones were normal. I had another scan at 21 weeks and they told me that they wouldnt operate as it would cost too much money. I was given 2 choices either deliver her and let her pass during labour or wait until term and then watch her pass then I chose to have her then as i didnt any support from anyone and didnt know what to do tbh.
> 
> They induced my labour and she was born/passed on 20th june 2004 at 5.03pm, i will never forget having to be discharged from hospital that night and having to drive away without her. I had never seen such a perfect lil baby she had eyelashes and fingernails and she weighed 2lb3oz.
> 
> Ive gone on to have another 3 children since then however it stil hurts everytime i think about her, the care i got was terrible, (they lost her for 1 day whilst transporting her to funeral directors and it took 3 months for them to actually meet with me to let me know what happened! I had a pushy doctor come in 5 mins after i delivered her trying to force me to have a post mortem even tho i had told midwifes ect i didnt want anyone touching her!) It still is one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with and my thoughts are with anyone thats going through this now xxx

:hugs: i'm so sorry for your loss!! it sounds a very traumatic experiance:hugs:
and just goes to show we will never forget our little angels!!
:kiss: floaty kisses to your little girl!!
I'm so glad to hear u have gone on to have a family XX


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## Vickieh1981

babesx3 said:


> Vickieh1981 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Vickieh1981 said:
> 
> 
> I am with you in hating the description of miscarriage even though they deemed her a second trimester/late miscarriage.
> 
> I laboured for five hours, delivered her, held her, photographed her and buried her yet it seems like people just think you should get on with life as if nothing ever happened.
> 
> I'm really glad this place is here.
> 
> :hugs: sorry for your loss
> 
> i know what u mean..
> Charlie was my 4th baby and his birth was the most traumatic of the 3 as i had a retained placenta and haemoraged so had to go to theatre...
> its not easy to get over giving birth to a baby, holding them, seeing what they look like, taking pictures, etc..then carrying on with life like nothing happened...
> big hugs :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> I'm with you on that one. I delivered missy at 5pm and they tried for ages to manually remove the placenta but couldn't.
> 
> I had eaten half a roll just before having her (the first thing in two days since I found out) and so they had to wait four hours to take me into theatre and I lost a lot of blood.
> 
> It's horrid isn't it? Like it's not hard enough to go through a delivery under those circumstances in the first place but then to have complications. :-(Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs:
> Now we have tickers back i see u are pregnant again..hows it going? how are you doing? must be hard!:hugs:Click to expand...


It's okay. I am terrified and don't believe I am going to end up getting her at the end of this pregnancy. I also keep calling her Isabella by mistake and then feeling really guilty for both girls.

It is very hard but I think you just have to have faith that it will be okay this time (that and listening to her every day on the doppler).


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## babesx3

Vickieh1981 said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Vickieh1981 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Vickieh1981 said:
> 
> 
> I am with you in hating the description of miscarriage even though they deemed her a second trimester/late miscarriage.
> 
> I laboured for five hours, delivered her, held her, photographed her and buried her yet it seems like people just think you should get on with life as if nothing ever happened.
> 
> I'm really glad this place is here.
> 
> :hugs: sorry for your loss
> 
> i know what u mean..
> Charlie was my 4th baby and his birth was the most traumatic of the 3 as i had a retained placenta and haemoraged so had to go to theatre...
> its not easy to get over giving birth to a baby, holding them, seeing what they look like, taking pictures, etc..then carrying on with life like nothing happened...
> big hugs :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> I'm with you on that one. I delivered missy at 5pm and they tried for ages to manually remove the placenta but couldn't.
> 
> I had eaten half a roll just before having her (the first thing in two days since I found out) and so they had to wait four hours to take me into theatre and I lost a lot of blood.
> 
> It's horrid isn't it? Like it's not hard enough to go through a delivery under those circumstances in the first place but then to have complications. :-(Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs:
> Now we have tickers back i see u are pregnant again..hows it going? how are you doing? must be hard!:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> It's okay. I am terrified and don't believe I am going to end up getting her at the end of this pregnancy. I also keep calling her Isabella by mistake and then feeling really guilty for both girls.
> 
> It is very hard but I think you just have to have faith that it will be okay this time (that and listening to her every day on the doppler).Click to expand...

:hugs: don't feel guilty about mixing names... i do it all the time with my kids and they often get a mixture of their names together, they are sisters so its to be expected!!:hugs: you love them both, so they become as one!! xx

I've been looking up oin ebay about getting a dopler for my next pregnancy(if i'm lucky enough to concieve again), i know i'm gonna be paranoid....


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## happygirl666

I am sorry for all your losses this was a good thread to start hugs to you all


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## Suze

Ahhhh I am so slow, I've only just seen this 2nd tri loss board :dohh:

I definitely second your thanks Nats (babesx3....or as I'd prefer to call you babesx4!). I'd contacted Wobbles after losing Joe as I was concerned I was still posting in my pregnany journal but didn't know where to go and she asked if I felt it would be helpful to have a 2nd tri loss section


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## babesx3

:hugs: 
thanks Suze!!!:thumbup:


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## dawny690

Sorry for your loss of Charlie hun I know we dont really know each other but have seen you post of AG's journal and just wanted to send you a :hugs: and a :kiss: for Charlie xxxx


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