# Daughter about to get diagnosis of aspergers, im devastated...is this normal?



## kelzyboo

Hi all, I popped over from ttc as i've only just spotted this forum and i'm very glad i did, apologies if i talk and rant too much i am just very new to all this and i guess you could say i am struggling to take it all in...

Well, my beautiful daughter has just turned 5 and the problems were spotted last year (her first year at school), i guess most of the signs were already there but for some reason or other i never considered that there may be a problem, i just thought that was her personality (i feel very guilty about this, i am her mother how could i not know?)
A lot of the problems she has are at school, when she has to interact with other children, share and and wait her turn etc...
She's my only child at the moment so she pretty much gets things her way at home which is probably why i didnt notice the difficulty she has with other children.

She is a very bright, lovely little girl, she very verbal and can comunicate pretty well although she does have some difficulties there. She doesn't like certain noises (like the hoover or an alarm going off) or smells, she can become very distressed when i am cooking food, and can kick off at school in the dining hall. She hates it when we use a public bathroom as the noise of the hand dryer is too much for her, i find it very distressing when she kicks off in public i always feel i am being judged because i can't always calm her down quickly.

Anyway we have the ADOS assesment on the 28th of september and have been advised that we are looking at a diagnosis of aspergers and i am very upset about this. I love my daughter more than anything and i wouldn't change her for the world and i know that aspergers is a part of who she is, a part of what makes her my amazing little girl and i accept that but i worry what the future will hold for her. She is very high functioning and everyone keeps telling me she will be fine, she will learn to deal with it and live her life but i still worry.

Would be helpful to hear from someone else who has been through or is going through a similar thing....i feel so alone at the moment, i feel like i am not a good enough mother as i am struggling to cope with her outbursts.

Thankyou, just writing it down and getting it out helps a bit x


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## Midnight_Fairy

Hiya xx

My son is high functioning too. Your description sounds like my son! He HATES public loos and hand dryers! 

Firstly, It is a normal reaction if it is a shock. I was relieved with my sons diagnosis as I knew he had it. It may well take a while to get your head around but you will soon realise this is just what life had instore for you. You will soon see it as nothing bad but a blessing. I believe we only get given what we can cope with and I feel blessed to have my son. You will soon feel the same.

Maybe do lots of research and you done the right thing by posting here. You can find lots of help and support. It makes life easier if you know and understand more about aspergers.

A diagnosis may well help your daughter because you will be able to have a better insight into how she thinks and help with behaviour and understand more. There is no reason why she can not life life to the full. Maybe a bit more guidance but she will get there with you behind her.

What area are you in?

XXX


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## kelzyboo

Hi midnight_fairy, thakyou for your reply

It is shock that i'm feeling, i had no idea until it was suggested to me by someone else and of course after doing a little research into it i recognised the signs that were there all the time. I am a little upset still, i guess because it was unexpected, but i am upset that she will miss out on the fun and friendship that she should be experiencing at school as she struggles to relate to other children. I see them when i go to collect her and they make so much effort to talk to her and she has to be told by me to say hello, without that she wouldnt respond. so i worry that she won't form friendships and will be lonely.

I will be relieved to get the diagnosis as she will recieve the support she needs to get the best out of life, but even though i know she has it i will be shocked when i have it confirmed. I guess i am right at the beginning of this process and i'm feeling so many emotions at the moment. I feel guilty, angry (this is because i've had to fight to get her 1-1 support at school, which we now have even before the diagnosis) and a little lost if i'm honest.

I believe my daughter is a blessing and i wouldn't have her any other way, her personality and sense of humour are amazing and i can honestly say i wouldn't change one single thing about her. I haven't wished she doesn't have it, is that strange? But if i could take it away from her now i wouldn't because to take it away would mean taking away parts of her that i adore and i couldnt wish for that.

I guess i am struggling with it as i don't know a lot about it, i am hoping that after the diagnosis i can learn more about it. I want to know how she sees the world so that i can be the best mother i can, the mother she deserves. 

I think you're right that we are only given what we can cope with but sometimes i think i am not strong enough to cope, i wonder who in the world decided that i would be any good at coping with this! I only feel like that when things are hard, i know i can be strong because for her i can do anything!

I live in the manchester area of the uk, i know there are a few helpful services in my area that we can have access to after the diagnosis and i am going to do everything i can to learn all i need to know because thats all we can do isn't it? Learn about it and help them to understand why they need a little extra help to deal with things.

Thankyou again for replying, it's great to know i'm not the only one x


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## Adanma

Hi kelzy! My son is 5.5 and was diagnosed with aspergers this year. We suspected this was the case since he was about 3 or so although we've known he was different since birth. When we got his diagnosis I was so relieved to have somebody validate what we had been suspecting. I went and did all the paperwork stuff for school and dove right into my new role of advocate!

Maybe 2 weeks after his diagnosis I started to cry randomly for no reason. I would just burst into tears. I made a mistake by not letting myself cry over it. I thought I would be a bad mom if I cried over it. I needed to cry over it to be able to move on. In some sense you are loosing what you thought your child life would look like. All the things you invisioned like them going to prom etc, may not happen now. Maybe they won't have friends. Maybe they will be bullied. It's hard.

Aspergers isn't the end of the world true. But it doesn't mean it's easy to hear as a mom. You love your baby and want her to have a "normal" life. That makes you a GOOD mom. So have your cry and feel bad for a while it's okay. You'll bounce back and be your daughters biggest fan and advocate because you're a GOOD mom.

Adanma


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## Midnight_Fairy

Hi, I understand your post completely. It is hard whether its expected or not and I think the "unknown" about the future makes it worse? Doesn't it? 

I always make sure I dont build things up. If I am concerned I will either speak to someone or write it down. I find support groups invaluable. On FB there is a good group called "ASD support and advice" Very good group.

Also are you registered with Parent Partnership? They can advice you on anything from benefits (DLA) to support groups and things. Worth contacting them xx

Support groups are precious whether they be online or actually going to one. Search around.

More importantly, look after yourself. Dont let your self become run down. Take time out for yourself if you can even if its 5 mins xx


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## kelzyboo

Thankyou for your reply Adanma: I always knew my daughter was "special" and noticed a few of the behavoirs early on although i just put it down to being her personality, i never considered that it may be ASD. She has always had a very strong personality and i love that about her, i have been her biggest fan since she was born and that will never change. The Asperger's is only a small part of a very big personality and shes such an amazing, wonderful, beautiful little girl that nothing at all could change the way i feel for her and i don't think she will let it stand in her way either. I am so proud of her. I took on the job of advocate as soon as ASD was suggested and i think i've taken to my new role pretty well, i've gotten the appointment for her a year before they said she could have it and she already has 1-1 support so i hope i am doing ok with that side of things.
I have cried a lot but thats more about the uncertainty of it all, i hope after the diagnoses i will accept and come to terms with it as quick as i can, hopefully there will be too much new things to learn for me to dwell on it too much!! 

It's always helpful to hear from others in a similar situation so thankyou, helps me to put things into perspective xx


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## kelzyboo

Thankyou Midnight_fairy: It is the future i worry about most, there are so many things about it i don't understand so its very worrying but hopefully after the diagnosis i will learn all i need to know so i am a bit more aware of things.

I have heard of Parent Partnership and have been in contact with them after reading your post, they will help me know what to do next after she is diagnosed so thankyou very much for that x

We have a fantastic family around us so i can have that break whenever i need it and that is priceless, without that i would never cope and i admit that!

It is great to hear from others who have been there and got the t-shirt as i am only starting out on this journey, hopefully there will be a support group in our area as i am keen to do anything i can to make my daughters life easier xx


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## Midnight_Fairy

I thought the diagnosis was the end of the journey but it was just the beginning, I am new to it to so please keep posting here if you ever need any advice or just a chat xx


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## Midnight_Fairy

I am pleased your feeling happier xx


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## kelzyboo

Thankyou midnight_fairy i will deffinately keep posting here, it's nice to have the support to be honest, even writing it down on here helps to get the emotions out where they need to be. Thankyou for your replies and all your help will deffinately keep you informed as we are due for the diagnosis in 2 weeks xx


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## Adanma

Thinking of you! Do keep us posted!

Adanma!


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## Nic1107

High hun! I have high-functioning ASD, and I wasn't even diagnosed until I was in my early 20's so I missed out on the support systems (that probably weren't too common when I was growing up anyway). Despite that, I've had a pretty normal life and now I'm a wife and mother so I wouldn't worry too much about your LO's future. :flower: Some things are harder for me- I can't drive, for example- and a lot of people don't understand how much certain things (noises, etc.) can affect me so it gets frustrating. Good luck! People on the spectrum are some of the most interesting, intelligent and funny people I've ever met. :thumbup:


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## kelzyboo

Thankyou everyone i will keep you posted x

Thankyou Nic: I've never heard anything from the perspective of the actual person affected so it's very refreshing to say the least! It's great to hear that you're married with children, thats what i worry about with my little girl, that she won't be able to get married or have children. There's obviously no physical reason why she wouldn't be able to, i just worry about her coping with it all and forming relationships as that is where her difficulties lie. I hope that when she is older she will learn to manage her difficulties and will be able to join in because she has so much to give to the world, she is amazing and i don't want her to miss out on anything that she wants to do.

The more i learn about it the more i realise that she doesn't have to miss anything at all, she just views the world in a different way but it doesn't mean that its a bad thing, we all have things to deal with and overcome it just may be a little harder for her.

I agree that people on the spectrum are some of the most intellegent and funny people, my daughter has the most amazing sense of humour she makes me laugh so much and she is so clever it shocks even me sometimes! I think she has a wonderful future ahead of her (although i may be biased!), she will deal with her ASD better than me i think!

Thankyou for your reply it is genuinely great to hear things from your perspective and you sound like you have a great life, which is all i hope for my little girl xx


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## Nic1107

I've found that, in my own experience, social life wasn't too big of an issue. Many people on the spectrum frankly don't care if they have friends :lol: and prefer their own company, so that part tends to be harder on the parents I think. I did get made fun of as a kid which was rough, but I've always had a band of lovable weirdos to hang out with that love me for who I am (despite the fact that I'm lousy at keeping in touch with people). :) 
The bigger difficulty has been dealing with the Sensory Integration Disorder (which presents in varying degrees for each individual; for me it's my predominant 'symptom'). I have difficulties with loud noise, huuuuge difficulties with repetitive noise and noises that I find 'gross' (like the dog drinking water, ewwwww!) and what would simply annoy others makes me feel very tense and sometimes even angry. 
S.I.D. can also affect bodily systems; as in, my internal responses to stimuli are a bit screwed up so I sometimes have a racing heart, I breathe much more slowly and deeply than I've noticed others seem to, and I've had digestive difficulties in the past. Nothing dangerous, just annoying sometimes. Ummm what else...
Oh yeah, I have no visual imagination so I can't see pictures in my head, which is the main reason I can't drive as I lose track of whatever is around me if I'm not looking at it.
There are a lot of things that the neurotypical community still doesn't know about ASD that those of us on the spectrum have discovered amongst ourselves and want the rest of the world to know- except that would generally involve, you know, communicating with the rest of the world which isn't some of our strong point. :lol:

I know of an _amazing_ online community for people on the spectrum and their families which is run by a man with Asperger's and populated with people on every point of the spectrum, including folks who are non-verbal in 'real life' but talk plenty online! I'm not sure if I'm allowed to link to it so PM me if you want the link. :flower:


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## kelzyboo

Thankyou nic,We are very lucky at the moment as my little girl doesn't seem to want to interact much with other children, she is very much at home with her own company and her 'hobbies' are solitary ones so i am pretty sure she isn't looking to join in. She does have a friend, a little boy also on the spectrum, and they interact fine. They play together if they want to and ignore each other if they want to, they seem to bring out the best in each other, like an understanding of one another that no one else gets.

Her sensory difficulties were the first i ever noticed, she's always been a very picky eater but the texture of certain foods seem to disgust her, she likes crunchy foods and will not eat anything soggy or wet in texture. Her hearing is oversensitive and certain noises are too much for her, i can't vaccum with her in the house as she covers her ears and screams and it's not worth upsetting her for a few bits! I don't know if this is part of it but sometimes when i am helping her dress she has a meltdown because i have touched her clothes and made them 'too hot'.

I am still at the start of the learning process and all the info i can get is very helpful, i will deffinately pm you for that website link if thats ok? Thanks again for your insight into my daughter's world x


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## Adanma

nic: thanks so much for your input. It's nice to hear from an adult with AS. Sounds like you have a beautiful life. I always wonder what would have come up had they known more about ASD when I was small. I was so much like my son is now it makes me wonder. I'm still a pretty solitary person and it suits me well. I no longer have tantrums however! lol! I did get a dx of OCD as a teen and I have a well above average IQ like my boy. I always say we're kindred spirits! Anyway, thanks again nic!

Adanma


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## Midnight_Fairy

Great post Nic xxx


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## Vickieh1981

Today might not be a good day for me to reply since I have been tearing my hair out with Andrew.

We are further down the road than you since he is 10. He is very very intelligent with a lack of social skills as is the norm with aspie children.

I dont have any advice (other than they do learn certain behaviours as they get older) because I still struggle and still feel a bad mother.

Hugs to you xxx


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## velvetina

Hi hun, 

My eldest son is now 14 yrs and I totally understand the rollercoaster you are on. I still go through the turmoil and worry with my younger 2 children. 

I went to a very very dark place when my son was very young, and it took some time to see the light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of that journey is acceptance, and with that comes a sort of peace, that allows you to move on and for me that was being able to talk about the fact my son was autistic. I could discuss it with strangers but not friends, it was like a fear. Even when my 2nd son was born, I stressed and got anxious and recognised I needed to talk out my fears, and not keep it all hidden.

That "acceptance" is different for all of us with regards to time, and for us this far along, I wish I could have seen at 2 years old how my son would have been now, I know I wouldn't have gone to such a dark place. He is now good friends (as are his mum and I) with another lad with aspergers and we joke they are like two old men when they get together, they just fit, get on in their own way and he actually supports my son and watches out for him when they are together.

Take it a step at a time hun, don't bottle anything up, talk about it and share it and find out about support networks that can help inform and support you. It was great to read Nic's comments, insight like that is critical I would love to hear more.

Big hug to you hun and your beautiful little one. x


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## kelzyboo

Thankyou vickieh, It's school holiday's here so your not the only one with bald patches lol Your not a bad mother, it's not an easy thing to deal with and most people don't realise what we go through everyday. All we can do is our best, i got mad today all because my daughter refused to got to sleep unless i took a sequin off my top and gave it to her, she absolutely couldn't sleep without it!! Normally i would have given it to her, today was a bad day. How can she have such a meltdown over a sequin? makes no sense to me but it does to her! We are just human beings trying our best everyday to deal with something we can never fully understand, It's not an easy task as i am finding. All we can do is be the best mother's we can be, we all have bad days but we have to give ourselves credit for the things we face everyday that most people take for granted, like getting our children dressed (causes huge outbursts for my little one) most parents don't even have to think about that do they?

I think intellegence is a help, they will learn the things that don't come naturally to them, most of the things anyway. plus not everyone is sociable, with or without AS! 
Hugs and thanks for your reply x


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## kelzyboo

Thanks velvetina, think your right about fear, i still haven't told any of my friends to be honest most of my family don't even know and although the diagnosis was recent, we've known about it for over a year now. I've talked, but only to my mum really she's been fantastic and she's very close to my little girl but i still panic at the thaught of anyone outside the family knowing. I don't know why really because i'm not and never will be ashamed of my beautiful daughter, i think my fear is for selfish reasons if i am totally honest with myself, i don't want people to think i am a bad mother, that i did something wrong somehow! I know as well as everyone else that that is not true, it isn't anything to do with me or anyone else its just the way it is but i am still scared deep down that i will be judged. it sounds awful i know. I also don't want people to look at her differently, she is still the same child she ever was and she's wonderful, she charms everyone she meets, i just worry that people will think differently of her if they knew of her AS.

Unless you know what to look for it's not completely obvious when you meet her, she's just highly intellegent and doesnt listen to a word anyone says, she's very much in her own little world and never makes eye contact but she just seems like any other strong willed defiant little girl. I don't know who to tell or even if i should? I want to get to the point where i can mention it in conversations and not get upset or feel we are being judged, i don't want anyone feeling sorry for us theres nothing to feel sorry for, i am the proud mother of an amazing little girl with AS there are plenty worse off than i am!

It seems silly that i can't just tell people, think i am only just coming to terms with it myself and hopefully very soon i won't care what anyone thinks because i know that even though it makes life harder, it makes it so worth it aswell.

Thanks for replying, im glad your son has a friend with AS, my little girl is friends with a little boy a year older than her with AS and i see what you mean when you say it "fits", its like they have an understanding of each other on a level that we cant see, they get each other totally and its amazing if they can have that xx


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## velvetina

Your welcome hun,

I totally understand how you feel about the "telling people" bit. My friends and family had already spotted something was "off" with ds. My brother who doesn't have children commented that he found it hard to engage with him and mentioned it to my mum. I used to spend hours talking to my mum and dad over texts and books I had read (we are talking pre internet here) and they would listen. I didn't even really talk too much to dh, mainly because he was always working. In the end my mum was about to book a private app for me to see a dr because they were so worried about me, when I made an app for ds myself and it went from there. 

My friend asked me over to talk to me and it transpired she was as terrified to raise it with me as I was to talk about it. She didn't want to hurt my feelings but was worried. I found once ds started intervention, I would mention what we were doing and why and that explained a lot.

Once you have done it once hun, it will come again and replace that horrible feeling you get when you are trying to cover for something they are doing or not doing and the reality is we are not fooling anyone, just totally stressing ourselves out.

Try it once hun, no one will judge you are not a bad mum, its not anything you did, it just happens. 

Good luck :hugs: x


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## kelly1979

Hi, my daughter was diagnosed in october (she is 9) and we too have known since birth she was different. Jessie is high functioning with sensory needs, she self harms too by scratching her skin and making herself bleed but because her pain receptors are low she cant feel it. its taken about 4 years for a diagnosis as I am a learning mentor and have worked with SEN children for many years and because i have used coping stratagies with jessie that i use at work jessie seemed to be "not that bad". Jessie is finding school really hard at the moment, not the work, the sitting still part and her teacher is very old fashioned and thinks jessie is just a naughty child. I could go on and on but i understand how frustrating it can be. feel free to chat with me if you wish x


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## Newt

great thred, I have especially enjoyed reading nics posts, a real insight to living with aspergers, thank you. 
We are still waiting for an autism diagnosis for oscar. It was picked up by our health visitor, we had no idea, we just thought he was behind with his speach. So it was as much a shock to us too. We went through all the emotions you explained, why hadnt I picked up on it? I'm his mother, i didnt knotice? Maybe if I had talked more when he was little, played more, not let him steal the smoked salmon off my plate, not given him the mmr jab and the flu jab......all goes through your mind, fact is, there is nothing I could have or should have done, he is who he is. 
I remember sitting on his bed, watching him asleep and distraught, in tears, cos I was so worried about what the future will hold for him. 
That was a year ago and I feel a lot more optimistic now, he has great support, and is coming along lovely. he is still 'querky' but that just makes him more adorable. My fears of him not being able to show us any love was unfounded, he is the most loving and cuddly little boy, all on his terms though. lol. fair enough :D
It is a shock hun, please dont feel guilty for not picking it up youself, we didnt either Only now as we learn more about autism do we see that yes there were traits, even when he was a baby. :hugs:


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## Sevenladybugs

I'd just like to add my perspective. I'm married to a man with high functioning autism and we have two sons on the spectrum. They are all very high functioning. When I figured out what was going on my sons were 8 and 5 and I was extremely distraught for quite awhile. We had some other life stressors going on at that time that made it harder for me but we worked through it all and now they are 16 and 13 and doing fabulously. People on the spectrum with the right supports are able to do anything that typical children/adults can if they are given enough time and patience. It took me a long time to get to the place I'm in now, but even if this new baby is on the spectrum I'll be fine. I know the outcome can be amazing! My older son is completely mainstreamed in H.S. and getting A's and B's without even using any of the accomodations he's entitled to under his IEP (Individual Education Plan). My husband has a good job and over the years he's grown so much as a husband and father. We've been married for 20 yrs and I can tell you that the growth is lifelong. Don't EVER let anyone tell you what your child can or cannot do, or what their future looks like. I am only sorry that i let people convince me early on that my kids were doomed to need help forever and live at home and not have an independent life. They know nothing and tend to label and put kids in boxes. Keep your heart and mind open and these kids will amaze you :)

Oh and the idea that they don't love or form real attachments to people? Phooey! It's completely wrong. If anything these children are more emotionally sensitive. They might not pick up on emotional expressions of people visually, but if you tell them they have hurt you when they really get it and understand they are just as empathetic and often more upset about hurting you than a typical child :hug:


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## kelzyboo

Newt: i wasn't the first to notice with my daughter, i felt so guilty for that and questioned what i did wrong, i think its a natural response. I didn't give my daughter the MMR because of the fuss about it causing Autism at the time, didn't reckon on her having it anyway but it cannot have been anything to do with that as she didn't have it. Shocking i exposed her to the dangers of measles,mumps and reubella all to avoid something she was born with anyway!

Thankyou Ladybugs: I get what you mean, my Abbie amazes me every day and i don'tthink theres anything she couldn't do, she is behind socially not anywhere else! I agree, no one has a clue what these kids can do and they can and do learn social skills as they grow up so i won't listen to anyones negativity because it doesn't have to be a negative quality, certainly isn't for my daughter and it doesn't sound like it is for your husband and son's either!!

I am proud of her, autism is a small part of her personality but it doesn't define people, hey i'm not the most social person and i'm not autistic, we are all different, i love her differences and will always celebrate them and teach her to do the same.

Who wants to be the same as everyone else anyway lol xxx


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## Andypanda6570

I suspect that my nephew may have this. He is 14 now , but I probably have known it since he was 4. They have never brought up the subject with anyone so I figured it was not my place to bring it up either :nope: They constantly yell at him and even smack him :nope: and It breaks my heart and I want to scream at them, but I don't. I think they know exactly what he has , but they are in denial. My nephew loves me cause I always make him laugh and when he is fighting with his mom I try to calm the situation. My sister in law goes right to smacking him, instead of trying to talk and then she gets her husband all fired up and he is also screaming at the kid. I need to walk away , cause if I stay I will explode on them. I am not saying they abuse him, but they do hit him when he says something disrespectful. He is in high-school and already has had some problems and even got into a fight. He will laugh at certain situations , but that is just how he is, I know the other kids know he is different, kids just know. He is so smart and so funny and I just feel he is not getting all the best out of life he should be. His parents have plenty of money and soon will inherit millions , so it's not money, I think it is just denial. I am sorry for taking over your thread I just needed to tell someone.
Thank You :hugs:


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## kelzyboo

Awww that sounds awful, have you ever tried bringing up the subject? I can't imagine its an easy thing to ask but maybe they do not think there's a problem, unfortunately without proper diagnosis these kids can be seen as just 'naughty and inappropriate' which they are absolutely not but maybe they don't realise that there could be a reason for his behaviours?

I think all parents go through a stage of denial, i know i did, but i had to snap out of it because denial doesn't get our kids the support they need. My daughter was terrible, biting and hurting kids at school (and me) every day, now she has support at school and we understand better how to deal with it, she isn't as violent, it does make a difference!

I will admit i have smacked her once or twice, out of complete frustration and reaching the end of my rope, i am not proud of that in fact i hate myself for it, they probably do too. It can be so hard to deal with the behaviours, especially when you don't understant the reasons behind them, i think i would try talking to them, maybe you have a 'friend' or 'co-worker' who's child has Autism (you don't really have to!) maybe chat about that, mention the symptoms and see what reaction you get?

It may be that they never accept it and seek help for their son and as hard as it is, thats their choice, all you can do is continue to be there for your nephew as you have been, be his calming influence and he will turn to you when he's ready to find out for himself why he's different (he will be well aware that he is). You seem to be very understanding and he will need that, i'm glad he has someone who understands him and can help him.

I hope it all works out well for him, rest assured they are some of the most interesting, loving and understanding people you could find and with support and understanding are really no different to anyone else, take care xx


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## melshaw

I personally don't have a child with Asperger's, however, I am blessed to teach and interact with about a dozen everyday. I work just with our Asperger children through our special education department. Most of these students are tenderhearted and loving. They amaze me daily with the amount of knowledge and love they have for a particular subject. There are days where there will be an occasional "meltdown", but we do the best we can to make sure the students transitions from class to class are a routine as possible. All of our Asperger students are mainstreamed and attend regular classes. Many of the student do not need the accommodations that they have on their IEP. Yes, unlike some people say, they do have friends. Granted they don't go around making new ones everyday, but the ones they have they hold dear. I know this is going to be a long and eventful journey. Since Asperger's is more commonly diagnosed these days, and recognized in the educational system, there might be a support group near by.


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## kelzyboo

I agree they do have friends, Abbie ignores most children in her class but they all seem to love her and still make an effort despite this, there is one little boy who wants to give her a hug and a kiss before she leaves every day (not sure i'm happy with her kissing boys lol). The point is although she has her meltdowns (had a very big one with me this morning, we were very late for school!) she is still very well liked within the class, both children and teachers, it doesn't always follow that because they are different they will be left out, its deffinately not the case for her and if she is left out it's of her choosing, which makes me happy as i don't want her feeling she isn't included.

There are only one or two people in her class that she actually pays attention to and mention's at home but thats better than none, she does actually play with these kids at school aswell so thats great! They can and do have friends, i agree with that it's just harder for them to make them but its not impossible!!

Sounds like you have a really great job mel, i'm glad you enjoy it because you make a world of difference to these children! Abbie's 1-1 teaching assistant has had a brilliant effect on her, she still has her meltdowns, probably always will, but the difference in her is immense since her 1-1 started! Keep up the good work and always know, even when it's been a bad day, the difference you make because you do xx


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## Sparkleyone

Hi there,

Your little girl sounds absolutely amazing, and you are such a credit to her I'm sure. I love the way you speak about her. It really is beautiful.
My little boy has classic Autism, its something I am still struggling to come to terms with, even though he is blissfully unaware, its me who is hurting big time. I just wanted to let you know that some of the things you've written here have somewhat helped me, I think I need to look at my sons condition from a different perspective.
Xx


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## kelzyboo

Thankyou, i'm glad i could help. I think it's always us, the parents that hurt more because we have dreams and hopes for our children before they even arrive, they have no idea! For me, i prefer to look at it in terms of what she can do rather than what she struggles with, everyone struggles with something whether disabled or not we all have different things to deal with and thats the way i see it. We just have to change some of our dreams and goals for them and think more about the here and now, not what will happen in 10 years time.

I think the worry of how they will deal with their difficulties is sometimes much worse than the reality of it, they adapt way better than we ever could don't they! I just think that all we can do is love our babies and teach them how to help themselves, aswell as teaching them that different isn't always a bad thing.

They say that children with Autism don't have a sense of humour, thats not true Abbie has a cracking sense of humour she makes me laugh constantly, never a dull moment. They can also be very loving and affectionate, not all the time and mostly its only when they want to but it does happen and when it does its so special. They may not be like every other kid but hey, neither was Einstein!

We all have our own ways of looking at it but the one thing that's the same is we all love our children and do our best for them whatever the situation x


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## lynne192

thoughts with you hun, i have aspergers syndrome and high functioning, i went to school and although they thought something might be wrong it took till i was 19 for them to dignose me, it seems my son might have it too and i have been worried about it so that in itself is completely normal. 

i am here if you have any questions. there are many books out there that can help and with a dignosis you can get much more help than you would without it. 

i managed highschool, i have a great partner who i am planning to marry soon, i have a great son, been studying for a few years, worked, and such like normal people the only thing that is noticeable about me i am easily distracted lol, i love computers and anything to do with them, and i am not a people person. oh and my co-ordinational skills are pretty bad at times. anyways i am sorry to read and run but got to go get my shopping i hope your get help and support your need 

hugs xxx


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## snay2011

reading these posts makes me feel so much better, just knowing that i am not alone in my situation is a huge help :)


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## Midnight_Fairy

Hope you are ok x


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## kelzyboo

Your deffinately not alone snay, lots of lovely supportive people in here whenever you need a chat xx


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## morri

Nic1107 said:


> High hun! I have high-functioning ASD, and I wasn't even diagnosed until I was in my early 20's so I missed out on the support systems (that probably weren't too common when I was growing up anyway). Despite that, I've had a pretty normal life and now I'm a wife and mother so I wouldn't worry too much about your LO's future. :flower: Some things are harder for me- I can't drive, for example- and a lot of people don't understand how much certain things (noises, etc.) can affect me so it gets frustrating. Good luck! People on the spectrum are some of the most interesting, intelligent and funny people I've ever met. :thumbup:

I am in a kind of fringe zone if you understand what I mean :). I was assessed for 4 weeks on a psychiatric ward when I was 18 and the report stated that I am probably on the high functioning scale of ASD but it was never investigated further because I was always comfortable with myself(as in I saw nothing wrong in being a loner with quirky antics as my mother would describe it. ) I may have never fitted well with other people my age but nevertheless I have been in a happy relationship for 3 years. There are places and sounds I don't like but I try to avoid them. 
(When I was 5 I saw once a child psychiatrist but she said if she has it than you can't change it anyway but she should continue to give a stable and secure upbringing well (1990))
There are many inspiring people who have ASD too, so it is not all doom and gloom basically it is as much variety as in NT's (neurotypicals) as well . (Look at temple Grandin who is a woman born in the 50s who has ASD next to her field of work she is also an expert on ASD.)


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