# How do you feel leaving one twin to cry?



## cazd

i'm breastfeeding my twins and I'm so used to being 'caught' feeding one when the other starts to scream.... that now my babies' cries just don't affect me.
I've spent 10 minutes listening to my boy wailing and hes finally stopped but i'm still nursing.
i'm reading everywhere that is detrimental to both mum & baby to leave a baby to cry. That babies learn that they're not valued - that their cries mean nothing and they become distanced and less communicative as a result. is this true?

If I thought he was in discomfort - dirty nappy, hunger etc then I might break my girl off and go see to him but i fed him an hour ago and topped and tailed him and took him out in the garden in his sling so he's clean, fed and winded.
so leaving him to scream for 10 minutes and self-soothe...

I just wondered how other twin mums cope... is it normal to get used to leaving them to cry - or am I being cold-hearted?

I couldn't post this on the regular forum 'cos I'd be hung, drawn + quartered for not responding to my baby instantly...

but with twins its a whole different ball game.

isn't it?


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## chan8180

No i totall agree with you, with my first i panicked at the first cry and could'nt leave her to cry it out at this young age but with the twins im much less bothered. I think you have to get used to it pretty quck and switch off as i can imagine it will be like this for quite a few years.

It also does them no harm as long as you know they have had all their needs met and just having a fussy moment or want picking up, usually they end up self soothing after a short period of time.


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## Laura2919

I never fed together and if one did start crying while I was feeding, changing or doing something with the other I would leave them. If they think your going to come at every cry then where will you end up? As long as your babies are clean, fed and watered then I wouldnt go and get him either. 

Twins are a completely different ball game as you said. I wouldnt say its affected my girls actually I think the opposite, they know when I am getting one dressed I cant do something else so they do wait until I am done.


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## vineyard

I have often had to leave 1 to cry. It's just the way it is with twins. Of course, I've learned to tell their cries. So, if I know it's just a fussy I want you cry then I know I can leave it be until I get done with 1 kiddo. However, now, at 17 months it's usually not much of an issue since we are only breastfeeding once before bed and I breastfeed tandem.


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## twingirlmommy

Thank God I found this! Everything I read says it's so cruel and whatever to let one cry but I have one month old twin girls. I have to bottle feed first because they never were able to latch on, second because I'm on epilepsy meds that I don't want them getting. And both girls love to get their hands between their bottles and mouths so I can't feed them at the same time. The screaming lasts the whole feeding, with whoever I'm not feeding at the time screaming endlessly! It's insane but hopefully once they can hold their own bottles it'll improve


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## fidgets mammy

it used to upset me and get me stressed but im now becomin used to it. mine will be fed watered winded cuddled but will still cry. i have a five yr old too so i have to leave them at times. i try not to go longer than ten mins. everytime i leave them i think of what my hv said- a baby learns to be secure if u go to it every time it cries. it haunts me. twins are a total different ball game to a singleton. i cant carry two at once and make finns tea whilst sterilising bottles all at the sane time so unfortunatly leaving them is tge only option even if i do feel shite!!


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## arj

I actually laugh sometimes at how ridiculous my babies are when they cry, they go from fine to BAWLING with in 2 seconds! They dont generally cry tho unless they have wind or hungry or are tired and need to be put to bed. Otherwise theyll just lie in bed happily and drift off.

But I still dont like it, I couldnt leave one for 10min to cry, itd make me stressed. A few minutes is fine tho. Mine both work themselves to a sweaty teary frenzy sometimes tho.

I'll be doing it for sure tho if they are still 3-4 hourly at 4 months old! Im getting so sick of getting up in the night and doing it all alone, Im really feeling the tiredness and the babies are gaining a pound a week, so they arent really needing the night feeds but Ill do it til their corrected age is 10 weeks (theyll be 15 weeks)


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## _Vicky_

Sorry to buck the trend but I never left to cry - I put boys in bouncers sat in the middle and tandem fed. I stuck to a three hour schedule so there was pretty much no whinging in between. I don't do
CIO or cc though even now they are 2.5 and I don't leave them when they are upset or crying - I don't know if my boys are easy or what but j always found a way xxx


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## _Vicky_

Actually tbh i am lying (oops sorry) having read other posts (love it when old threads are resurrcted) think you learn very quickly what is a whinge and what is a cry quinces just have to be left with twins but crys - no x


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