# Is this grossly inappropriate or am I old?



## Racheldigger

Rowan has recently taken to performing a dance which she claims she learned from friends at school (she's very vague about her friends, and I can never be certain from her anecdotes which friend did what). This dance consists of swaying from side to side while pointing both forefingers at either side of her chest and intoning "I'm sixteen and I know it, I'm sixteen and I know it..." Last time she did this, she opened the zip down the front of her school summer frock and pointed at her exposed nipples.

Now, daughter of the Summer of Love that I am, I do bear in mind that I shouldn't criticize what I can't understand, and I am well aware that I am thoroughly middle-aged and last saw Top of the Pops some time in the early 1990s, so it may be that this is perfectly normal these days. Can anyone out there who's young and hip tell me if this is the kind of thing that every child other than mine sees on pre-watershed television these days, and I should stop fussing?

If this is really as shocking as it seemed to me, what would you do? How do you go about explaining to a five-year-old what they've done wrong without having to explain about sexualisation and child abuse to a child who just about knows that making a baby requires a mummy and a daddy?


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## Natasha2605

Oh gosh, I think that's extremely inappropriate for a five year old.

In case you didn't know, I *think* it's from this song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyx6JDQCslE

just they've changed ''sexy'' to ''sixteen''. I despise this song, and cringe hearing kids sing it, although I'm 22 going on 60 on most cases of stuff like this!

I don't know how I'd broach it though. I'd maybe just say explain that I don't like dancing/singing like that and I do not want to hear/ see it again. I'd probably not say too much else as I guess to your daughter, it is harmless.

Some of the things kids pick up nowadays disgusts and saddens me :(


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## Racheldigger

Thank you very much, Natasha, that's considerably put my mind at rest: clearly Rowan and her little friends don't know the word 'sexy' and have heard 'sixteen' instead!


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## heidi87814

I consider myself still kind of up-to-date with pop culture (I just made myself laugh) but, yeah, like Natasha said, that's definitely inappropriate. It drives me nuts that little girls are trying to act like women so quickly. DD's 8 and I've had plenty of those moments - especially when her friends have been round at the house. I must be 26 going on 86!


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## Noodlebear

I think it's really sweet that they've misheard but the actions would make me feel very uncomfortable. I'm so glad I have a boy! You don't see as many grown men flouncing around on tv trying to be 'sexy'. (I'm another early 20's going on 90 lol)
When my cousin was about 6 she used to try and dance like Fergie from the black eyed peas :wacko:


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## seoj

I agree it's inappropriate. I do think TV (and all media) these days is much more "loose" than when I was a kid. Even the 'Axe' body wash commercials are OTT to me! :haha: I mean come on- does my 16yr or 2yr old need to see a commercial elude to a 3-some mid day? Um.... yea no. Just means, as good parents, we need to be more involved in the day to day activities of our kids. 

Can we be there 24/7- no. Of course not. Our kids will be exposed to life. It happens ;) But I figure if my girls learn values and self worth at home- that carries into the rest of their life... especially as they grow. Not sure how I would explain that to a 5yr old- but just do what makes sense for you. Whether the rest of the world has gone made or not! ;)

We did hear a lot more of "but all my friends... yadda yadda" when our oldest was younger. But not these days! It's funny how she see's things now. I think growing up (she's almost 17 now) and having a little sister (who she's protective of)... she just get's it more. She is even concerned by some of the things her friends are allowed to wear and do! ;)


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## JASMAK

Very inappropriate! Did she hear that song at her friends? I would be speaking to her parents.


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## Noodlebear

That song is on the radio and tv quite a lot still. I don't think where she heard it is the issue really.


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## sheldonsmommy

I think that song was even on
Sesame Street 'I'm Elmo and I know it'. Obviously not with the dancing though :( 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B6LoFeBpYx8


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## Rachel_C

Honestly I'd just see it as a child copying something they've seen and it wouldn't bother me at all. It's not sexy because it's a child. Anybody who actually finds it sexy is sick and our children don't have to avoid doing certain things in order to avoid being perceived like that, we just need to keep them away from bad people. It's the same as a child wearing very short shorts - not sexy, even if the ladies wearing short shorts on TV are doing it to be sexy. 

I don't particularly like seeing kids doing 'sexy' dancing but that's my take on it. If my child did that and had fun, I'd just leave them to it.


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## karlilay

My kids love that song!


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## kealz

I agree with all that's already been said - I too think it's incredibly sweet, and a relief, that your dd has heard 'sixteen'. Because of the innocence of childhood, I totally agree that we shouldn't expose children to the thing we are trying to protect them from. However, I don't think it hurts to let them know that their body under their clothes is just theirs.


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## JJKCB

I kind of agree with rachel c

when I was little 20 odd years ago I used to wear spandex hot pants and bikini tops which where deemed 'shockingly inappropriate' by other parents (who use to let their kids run around naked which is far more shocking to me) as I got older my hot pants stayed... now 10 years on what was 'shocking' is now positively conservative compaired to what ive seen little girls wear

a child isn't 'trying' to be sexy... they are just growing, playing and discovering themselves - let them wear make up or little skirts or dance around if they want as long as the dont act inappropriate (eg. 12 year olds trying to have sex which should be stopped obviously) then who cares


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## Gingerspice

I think I'd focus on the exposing themselves and showing others nippels and explain that you shouldn't go round showing people parts of your body that are generally covered, so for girls a vest and knickers and boys pants. I think the dancing itself I'd not make a fuss about, nor even the song really, but i would try to get her to grasp the concern that there good reason to keeping the places and times you get undressed as low as possible. So yes, maybe when changing for PE etc but not in the playground etc.


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## Jchihuahua

Gingerspice said:


> I think I'd focus on the exposing themselves and showing others nippels and explain that you shouldn't go round showing people parts of your body that are generally covered, so for girls a vest and knickers and boys pants. I think the dancing itself I'd not make a fuss about, nor even the song really, but i would try to get her to grasp the concern that there good reason to keeping the places and times you get undressed as low as possible. So yes, maybe when changing for PE etc but not in the playground etc.

I agree completely with this.


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## chickenlegs

I really think it isn't a big deal. Children copy. They would copy actions which adults deem inappropriate as innocently as they would copy "head, shoulders, knees and toes". I wouldn't make a big deal out of it in the slightest. I would probably say, "put your boobies away" or something ridiculous, and think no more of it. She is five. She has no idea.


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## Amy_T

I agree with the above postings, I don't think it's necessary to make a huge deal out of it. I have an 8 year old girl (who is going on 18!) so have had lots of these moments. I make a fleeting comment about putting herself away and have obviously made her aware that 'exposing herself' (for want of a better phrase) isn't appropriate in certain situations.


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## Tiff

Mistaking the song lyrics is typical kiddo things to me. My daughter will sing "Let it grow" (like the Lorax) during Frozen's version of "Let it Go". :haha:

But the unzipping her shirt and exposing her nipples while pointing to them? That's a big fat NO from me. Personally I'd try to find out where she got the idea to do that, then explain why its not appropriate. That's just me though. :flower:


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## cncem

That is one of the reasons we don't have tv anymore, just netflicks. I hate that Miley Cyrus girl, absolutely hate her. My 10 year old daughter comes home "twerking" and doing all kinds of disgusting dances like that that she sees her friends doing at school. I talk to her about it. I don't know what you'd do with a 5 year old. *sigh, the world today...


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## Foogirl

I'd discourage it TBH


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## Butterfly89

I am 24 going on 94 too, ha. I am pretty open minded in many ways but this is one I am still back in the olden days with because I think there were good reasons.

I really disagree with this new "embrace your sexuality!" "explore your body!" "youre a pervert if you think my kid flashing other kids at the park is sexual!" talk I keep hearing. 

No, I'm actually just concerned about a. my kid picking up that behaviour and b. where your kid learned that and why they think it's acceptable. I am NOT a prude and I will be having open (age appropriate) discussions with my son along the way. I want him to be able to tell me anything without worrying I'll be shocked, disgusted, or judge him.

But does that mean I have to condone him imitating "sexual" behaviour like provocative dances or singing inappropriate lyrics about hoes and money or whatever lol? No! Would telling your daughter that is not a polite dance and that bodies are private repress her as a woman and/or mean you're a pervert for thinking that it's inappropriate? NO!! Follow your gut. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're her mommy and have every right to tell her so without worrying what people say.

I understand people are trying to break gender roles, conventional thinking, and.. whatever? But I think there are certain reasons for society being the way it is in this way and the biggest one to me is safety. Dressing in a provocative manner (and we ALL know what that means) does not mean you are asking for bad attention, no of course not, but it is not a safe choice. Some people are ill and *cannot* seem to control their actions. Doesn't mean never wearing short shorts on a hot day, but I don't think it means a 14 year old girl needs to wear a bra fully visible under a see-through top. That is going to trigger the minds of actual perverts and also going to put out an image that she acts a certain way, even if she does not.

I don't agree with ignoring it. I think it's a perfect opportunity for a positive reminder that nipples are a private part. For safety, and yes, for being socially "proper". I don't think there's anything wrong with that.


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## LaughOutLoud

Butterfly89 said:


> I am 24 going on 94 too, ha. I am pretty open minded in many ways but this is one I am still back in the olden days with because I think there were good reasons.
> 
> I really disagree with this new "embrace your sexuality!" "explore your body!" "youre a pervert if you think my kid flashing other kids at the park is sexual!" talk I keep hearing.
> 
> No, I'm actually just concerned about a. my kid picking up that behaviour and b. where your kid learned that and why they think it's acceptable. I am NOT a prude and I will be having open (age appropriate) discussions with my son along the way. I want him to be able to tell me anything without worrying I'll be shocked, disgusted, or judge him.
> 
> But does that mean I have to condone him imitating "sexual" behaviour like provocative dances or singing inappropriate lyrics about hoes and money or whatever lol? No! Would telling your daughter that is not a polite dance and that bodies are private repress her as a woman and/or mean you're a pervert for thinking that it's inappropriate? NO!! Follow your gut. If it makes you uncomfortable, you're her mommy and have every right to tell her so without worrying what people say.
> 
> I understand people are trying to break gender roles, conventional thinking, and.. whatever? But I think there are certain reasons for society being the way it is in this way and the biggest one to me is safety. Dressing in a provocative manner (and we ALL know what that means) does not mean you are asking for bad attention, no of course not, but it is not a safe choice. Some people are ill and *cannot* seem to control their actions. Doesn't mean never wearing short shorts on a hot day, but I don't think it means a 14 year old girl needs to wear a bra fully visible under a see-through top. That is going to trigger the minds of actual perverts and also going to put out an image that she acts a certain way, even if she does not.
> 
> I don't agree with ignoring it. I think it's a perfect opportunity for a positive reminder that nipples are a private part. For safety, and yes, for being socially "proper". I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Ditto, couldnt have put it better myself :thumbup:


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## JASMAK

Rachel_C said:


> Honestly I'd just see it as a child copying something they've seen and it wouldn't bother me at all. It's not sexy because it's a child. Anybody who actually finds it sexy is sick and our children don't have to avoid doing certain things in order to avoid being perceived like that, we just need to keep them away from bad people. It's the same as a child wearing very short shorts - not sexy, even if the ladies wearing short shorts on TV are doing it to be sexy.
> 
> I don't particularly like seeing kids doing 'sexy' dancing but that's my take on it. If my child did that and had fun, I'd just leave them to it.

I honestly don't think what people wear should illicit any unwanted sexual glares or contacts but sadly it sometimes does and I do agree that those people are sick and twisted but because of those sick and twisted people is why I don't want my daughter dressed barely clothed. However, there is some clothing out there that looks like little hooker outfits and too me it looks trashy. .. like really trashy. For example what Myle Cyrus and her get up or worse. Especially on really young girls. What my 15 year old niece chooses to wear sometimes. .. It's gross. You can practically see her Jay. I realise it's the style but it's not okay with me. Same with boys with their areas hanging out the back of their jeans. No one wants too see that.


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## JASMAK

And I don't want to put my three year old in jazz dance because the look like the are twerking and it grosses me out. She does ballet and tap instead. So. .. Yes I guess dancing can cross the line but that is a personal preference. I also don't let my girls wear bikinis.


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