# The classic "I'm ready, he's not"



## zoomlentil

I have been desperately, painfully broody since 2009. Now, after nearly four years, I've had enough and I want to TTC, or at the very least NT/NP.

I'm sad all the time, and a few weeks ago I had the severe misfortune of accidentally coming across an acquaintance's ultrasound on Facebook (the fact she's a few years younger than me makes it that much harder). The week leading up the AF usually goes through the same pattern every time - I get angry and do a lot of crying, then somehow convince myself that I'm pregnant, then break down when AF finally shows up. 

I have made it pretty clear for a while that I wanted kids young and that I wanted them soon, but the other day I finally brought it up with him that I wanted a baby in 2013. The reaction I got was.. disappointing, but not unexpected. He's the sort of person who needs a thousand years to think things over and will spend months not being 'ready'. I just wish he could give me a time frame, but he never can. 

It's awful because I feel a lot of misplaced anger at him at times (of course I never show him this). It's unfair but I see pregnant couples and hear of people whose men are keen to have babies and think, "Why can't he be like that? And why do I have to be like this?" I know it's not his fault but I just wish I could at least know when he might be ready. 

He's told me he wants it all but just doesn't know when he'll be ready. Please tell me I'm not the only one on here who's in this situation? It's driving me absolutely batty!


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## xforuiholdonx

We are in the same situation.
Ive wanted #2 Since my daughter was 14 months old. Maybe its because of my fathers death, or just natural hormones, but Ive been begging and pleading for yell over a year, and now Im just fed up with waiting!


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## CoyoteSun

Mine teeter totters between being down right clucky and being unready. The reason? Fear. I think he's scared he'll be a bad father and has said just about as much. When we have "oops" moments and lead up to testing he's all over my belly and giddy as a school boy on the last day of class. I know he wants a baby. He always says so, but if I ask he's got a million reasons why to hold off a bit longer even though I'm nearly 25 and hear that clock clicking and ticking loudly on the approach to 30. Talk to him about his reasons.


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## lucy_smith

I'm in the exact same situation. 
Me n bf have been together 5 years and we live together, I'm ready for house, marriage babys the lot! And he isn't . He says he wants it but doesn't know when.how long have u been together ? And how old are u if u don't mind me asking, people day I've got plenty of time as we are still young. But to me age doesn't matter. Im ready and we both have secure jobs so why not


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## zoomlentil

Thanks for the replies. 

Sadly, his reasons stop at "I'm not ready yet". Emotionally, he's less mature than me. When I say that I don't mean childish, but that he's not at the exact same stage. It's so frustrating when I've been waiting patiently for four years, and here he is, older than me, and not ready. I'm also nervous because I'm worried it will take us a long time to conceive. I'm 22, want two kids and want it well over and done with by the time I'm 30, so I feel like I really want to get on with things, particularly if there are complications. 

I've tried really hard to be sympathetic for a very long time, but these days it's wearing thin.


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## zoomlentil

Oops, missed your post lucy. We've been together for two years and as mentioned I'm 22. I feel a little sorry for him as he came on the scene when I'd already been clucky for two years! But still.. wanting to get on with things. 

Anybody have any ideas of how I could bring it up again with minimal fuss, or share some stories? 

Last time I said something along the lines of this:

"I know I'm bringing this up quite soon, but I just want to bring it up in advance so you have plenty of time to think about it. As you know, I would really love to start a family soon, and I was really hoping to have a baby next year. I love you, and feel that you're the right person to do this all with. We could just stop preventing at the end of the year to start off with"


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## CoyoteSun

Honestly it's a tough situation to broach... maybe suggest that you start NTNP? Let nature take it's course? That's the best advice I can give you since it's the only thing that seems to have worked for me and right now the WTT is mutual but we are definitely not on BC etc... We're just doing our thing and if it happens, it's a blessed miracle.


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## zoomlentil

I'm hoping to convince him to do that toward the end of the year, but so far it seems no... the other day we were (TMI) getting intimate and he went for the condoms and there were none. He asked, "What do we do now?" and I said, "Is it not worth the risk?" and he said no. :cry:

I've been off the pill for six months now in anticipation and have now even started taking pre natal vitamins (wishful thinking!) :baby:


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## lucy_smith

U should exactly like me and my situation ! I don't know how to bring it up ,I keep trying to bring it up hoping he will change his mind and he always says the usual I'm not ready I want to live life first ! I wouldn't mind but he isnt the typical young boy. We are quite settled as far as people our age go x


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## zoomlentil

lucy_smith said:


> U should exactly like me and my situation ! I don't know how to bring it up ,I keep trying to bring it up hoping he will change his mind and he always says the usual I'm not ready I want to live life first ! I wouldn't mind but he isnt the typical young boy. We are quite settled as far as people our age go x

Hugs to you lucy :hugs: I hope you can TTC soon and that he comes round! It's so hard waiting when you're so ready.


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## lucy_smith

I hope u do too ! This waiting game is rubbish ! I also want to be married first, so I'm also waiting for a proposal :( I could be waiting a long time !! Sometimes I wonder if he will ever come around :/


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## MissN8

hi girls. been reading your thread. waiting on a proposal too and been together 7 years in my early thirties! sometimes this makes me so angry thinking about this as why are we letting men rule how our lives are going. i know we love them very much but part of me thinks maybe they arent the right ones for us they should be on the same page as us by now. i am giving to the end of the year and if no ring bringing it up and giving an ultimatum :growlmad:


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## lucy_smith

I know what u mean missn8 , after 5 years my bf should no if he wants to be with me or not ! And its the not knowing if it will even happen ! I just don't want rpm spend more time with the man I love waiting for the next thing if he doesn't love me back :( 
It is a tricky one. And I didn't realise how difficult it would be . I just thought everything just happened . Didn't think about the whole waiting about too x


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## k.mcmahan2010

Unfortunately I know what ya mean...

I am only 20 (DH is 27), but have been wanting a baby since I was about 16 (but was determined to finish high school, get married, etc first!). I've now been done with HS for 2 years, completed 1 college degree, and married for almost 2 years. We own our home and car and Hubby works and I am hopefully getting a job this Fall when a new child care center opens right next door to my house. 

Last time I talked to DH about starting a family, he said that he did want kids eventually. That he isn't ready yet and wants to have better finances first (which would be in the Fall when I get a job and all of my pay check and about 1/5 of his can go to literally nothing but savings). Unfortunately I'm thinking I will still get the same answer out of him that "he's not ready". 

I'll stop rambling now, but I know how frustrating it is :hugs:


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## Gunnhilde

MissN8 said:


> hi girls. been reading your thread. waiting on a proposal too and been together 7 years in my early thirties! sometimes this makes me so angry thinking about this as why are we letting men rule how our lives are going. i know we love them very much but part of me thinks maybe they arent the right ones for us they should be on the same page as us by now. i am giving to the end of the year and if no ring bringing it up and giving an ultimatum :growlmad:

Exactly my thoughts. I started off this new relationship demanding respect and it is what I got. I told him from the start when I expected an engagement by (1 year), marriage by (2 years), and try to make babies by (3 years). If he wasn't interested at that point, then I would move on. To be honest, it is plenty long enough to get to know someone. :thumbup:

We ended up engaged by 6 months, will be married within 1 year, and TTC by 2 (although he wants it at 1 year). :winkwink:


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## Ceejay123

I want another now that I've got my LO. My OH.. Isn't sure. He already has his other little boy too. We had a big discussion.. in which I said 'Look, Sweetie.. I love you, but not enough to never have another child. If you don't want another, we're going to have to end it here.. I don't want to get hurt' ... He took some time, thought about whether he wanted to leave it there.. And said so long as we plan the next, and its a couple of years.. He's happy to TTC, but another surprise.. I think would scare the life out of him. x


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