# The worst part of my home birth...



## baskinps

was the fact that people didn't seem to realize I JUST gave birth, not that I just came home. The day after the birth of my son (he was born near midnight) SIL came over and sat there for close to 6 hours holding my baby, inlaws came over to drink and take shots, friends were coming over and sitting around and watching tv, and I was cleaning up after them because not one person cleaned up their own mess. Birth is exciting, fun, and overwhelming but it also leaves you weak, tired, and hormonal. Make sure your OH knows that you need your rest and that you should not be the one to tell others to take a hike. 

The other thing is that with people being over constantly and making themselves at home within hours of my birth, this greatly interfered with my breastfeeding. 

My home birth was AWESOME, but I would change two things for next time. 
1) I would have a birthing tub as my bathtub was too shallow, and
2) I would be MUCH MUCH MUCH more strict about guests. Half an hour max. That's the thing the hospital has got right!


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## disneyleanne

Oh what a pain!:dohh: That would drive me nuts. I think I'm going to be pretty strict with this.

I remember when I got home after my first emcs, I had literally closed the door and my parents turned up. Of course they wanted to see their grandson but I could have really done without it.

So I'm definitely going to have a plan in place for my homebirth.:thumbup:


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## vintagecat

I would have told everyone to get the hell out, but I'm pretty straightforward with wanting my own personal space. I'm sorry you had to deal with inconsiderate people.


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## Cordelia Lynn

Thanks for sharing!


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## SaucySac38

Thanks for sharing that. I am giving birth in a birthing center but will be coming home the same day (unless it is really late) and plan to have a strict no visitation policy for at least 48 hours.


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## Geegees

Im planning on telling people we need a week to get to know our new daughter. 
Family can pop round... Friends can take a run and jump!


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## PaganBride

We did visits "by appointment only" unless you are coming to clean and cook. Hehe.


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## soniia21f

That will be really worst to you.. thanks for sharing it with us.


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## madasa

Next time, what I plan to do is: get topless, strip baby down to nappy, get a wrap or sling and wear baby skin on skin. Tell visitors about this beforehand. If they know that they probably won't get a cuddle and they will probably see more of your skin than they have previously and STILL want to visit, they can, as long as they bring milk. Or teabags. Or cake. And wash up after themselves. :D


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## SaucySac38

Great idea Madasa! That would curb a lot of visitors.


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## muddles

Congrats on your baby and your home birth! 

We had the same thing with our first son with my mother and my H's grandmother. I got home from hospital just over 6 hours post birth and my mother came to visit within half an hour of getting home, she then came round again in the evening and was round again many, many times over the next few weeks until I asked her if she could please let me know when she was coming over rather than just turning up and staying for hours, as sometimes it wasn't convenient-she then fell out with me for a while and had a major strop about how it was 'her right as a grandmother' to be able to just turn up when she wanted. My H's grandmother came over and stayed for hours and each time my son cried she made comments like 'oh are you hungry but no-one is feeding you?' but wouldn't hand my son back so I could feed him. Everyone else came, had a cup of tea/coffee and a cuddle and left within an hour-hour and a half which was perfect! My H and I have said that we are going to go and visit my mother and H's grandmother in the early days so we can leave when it all gets a bit too much. 

So basically I am agreeing with everyone else- be tough and say no if it's not convenient and I'd just whip your boobs out if they have overstayed their welcome! :lol:

This time we are also going to say no visitors for the first 24 hours once we are home so our son can have time alone with his new baby sister to have cuddles and to bond and so he can get lots attention from Mummy and Daddy and not be invaded by visitors!


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## madasa

"Her right as a grandmother" - PFFFT! I;d have asked her how many days she stayed in hospital and what the visiting hours were. Ugh, you would think that a woman who had given birth herself would be more considerate!


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## ZoeZo

Thanks for sharing and congratulations! :happydance:

My MIL said 'I don't want to be on holiday and then hear you're in labour' to which I thought 'I don't want you rushing to be here anyway, not during labour / birth OR straightaway, I'll need a couple of days after to get my head straight' they live 2 hours away so no doubt will want to stay, I wont be up for staying visitors straightaway - although they'll be great and help out with cooking and cleaning!

I'm definitely doing to put a rule down no visitors in the first few days and by consent only! 
x


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## Lozdi

madasa said:


> Next time, what I plan to do is: get topless, strip baby down to nappy, get a wrap or sling and wear baby skin on skin. Tell visitors about this beforehand. If they know that they probably won't get a cuddle and they will probably see more of your skin than they have previously and STILL want to visit, they can, as long as they bring milk. Or teabags. Or cake. And wash up after themselves. :D

Perfect! Great plan! 

Personally, I won't have to say a word as I'm super lucky and have a mum who knows exactly how long to stay and will most likely make some of my favorite food to bring too! Oh's parents would keep it short also, as they are getting on abit and will prefer to wait til we start taking baby round there. I'm planning a lotus birth and will tell anyone who wants to visit that I will be likely topless and tending to the placenta as well as Baby lol to be honest that alone will most likely put OH's parents off coming til the cord has detached. I lived with my mum when I had my first, and she still managed to not be there too much, she is brilliant!


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## aliss

Grandmothers have rights to see the babies!

You also have the right to lock your front door too :rofl: 

She can get on a ladder and peek through a window :rofl:


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## muddles

aliss said:


> Grandmothers have rights to see the babies!
> 
> You also have the right to lock your front door too :rofl:
> 
> *She can get on a ladder and peek through a window *

:lol: my mother doesn't even need to get a ladder to do this as our windows are low down, and yes she has on more than one occassion been caught trying to peer through our net curtains! I now close the curtains too so she can't see anything if we aren't up for visitors.


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## Mrs Cupcake

i had the same problem even though i had a hospital birth, he was born at 3am and we were home by 10am. people were trying to come over in the afternoon!! we allowed my mum over at 5pm but everyone else had to wait until the next day or later in the week.

the other thing is people telephoning at all hours (ie early morn or late at night) i had to tell people not to phone until after 10am.


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## belle254

Im really worried about this with my home birth. I live with my OH, mum, sister and brother anyway and my dad will see the baby quite soon after as he will be dropping my younger brother back home (I'd rather he wasn't present at the birth as he's only 7) and I just know that OH's family will be expecting to come round the day of the birth or at least soon after. 
I can see why, as my family will be there for the birth. But its different, and it still makes me uncomfortable to think of all the visitors, im going to have to be strict and say no visitors until we ok it! xx


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## blondebabe

I had that babe! i didnt have a home birth i had a hospital birth then had to be transfered to a smaller hospital to help me breastfeed LO then came home at around lunch time next day and had an hour to tidy up house and put on washing etc then 
mother in law
father in law
brother in law
second brother in law
brother in laws girl friend

stayed from lunch time till tea time
i dont remember even holding LO and there was 1 pic of me holding him
and 3,000 of everyone else holding him
even when i implyed i was shattered and was cuddled up to OH falling asleep they STILL wouldnt leave :'(


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## Premomt

Good to know that it is ok to be firm about telling visitors to leave 

The state I live in now has a tradition of serving the guests cold food when it's time to go. Like something that was meant to be warm- give it to em straight outa the fridge cold. :rofl:

Also a pineapple here means welcome. Maybe I'll tell them ahead of time that I'll keep a pineapple in view until it's time to go, then they've gotta get the hint!


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## baskinps

Premomt said:


> Also a pineapple here means welcome. Maybe I'll tell them ahead of time that I'll keep a pineapple in view until it's time to go, then they've gotta get the hint!

Speaking of which, I was munching on pineapple when I was pushing! Maybe thats a sign!


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## Premomt

I just made a pineapple kale ginger root smoothie! :thumbup:


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## baskinps

that sounds incredibly delish-nutritious.


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## LolaAnn

Ladies I'm actually having nightmares over this. I'm moving countries and will be living at my parents who are cool with me having a homebirth but the thought of all my extended family and DHs popping over left right and center is really freaking me right out. Suggestions on what to do/how to talk about it with people much appreciated!


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## Premomt

Be up front and consistent with what your wants and needs are. The last thing they want to see is a distraught tired new momma and a cranky baby. 
Make a plan and stick to it. 
My friend didn't allow anyone in the hospital the day of birth, and not until the following day much later. At the house- it was by appointment only, and she hardly answered her phone to take them lol!
She was consistent and firm and everyone respected her for it.


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## ljo1984

Oh my god I never thought about this properly! I mean as it turned out I didn't get my hb, but if I had, I wouldn't mind visitors the same day (dependant on time) and know it would only be immediate family, but for example my ail has 2 children who just go mad getting every toy out etc when here, I couldn't of coped with that, ruining my nest which I'd of just brought my baby into the world in! I think next time I'm gonna have to think alot clearer and make ground rules, I think grandparents only for a minimum of 24 hours then I'd review it. Especially as she's pregnant so would mean 3 kids, or could say just for her to come down for first couple of days otherwise wait. I know people are anxious to see a new baby but if we decided it to be our last ( when I have another) you just want it to be so perfect. Xx


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## sleepinbeauty

Thanks for the warning!! I hadn't given this much thought but I will not be afraid to be a bitch if needed. ;)


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## Blob

I did this for hospital and hb, I told everybody I didn't want any visitors until I was ready. 

Turned out in hospital I wanted people as I was VERY bored, then on the hb we were having the hearing test thing done in hospital and then went to mothercare and I think I was pretty strict then too. 

Maybe I'm really mean as nobody even suggests coming over until I say so --- having said that I have mil and mum at the birth and fil etc were in the house. :lol:


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