# Single Mom By Choice



## mamadreams

Hello,

I am now 4 weeks, 3 days pregnant with my little one. I chose to be a single mom and I was just wondering if there are any other single moms out there who chose to have a baby on their own?


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## Mammy2Joojx

me :) he does see his dad but i ended it with my ex when i was 6 weeks pregnant as i didnt want to be with him so i made myself a single parent by choice .. Best thing i ever did! X


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## dustbunny

Me, left FOB 2 weeks after I found out due to his somewhat below par [major negative/pathetic] reaction. So was about a month to 6 weeks in. Although sometimes it has been hard and to be honest am only just getting to the point of accepting how much of a loser FOB really is it was without doubt 100% the best decision I have made in leaving him. The past few months, although hard, have made me such a stronger person.

You too will end up finding strength in places you never knew existed. Stay strong :hugs:


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## mamadreams

Well in my case, there was never a father. I got pregnant on my own using frozen sperm. I have wanted a little one for a very long time and I still cannot believe I'm pregnant. I am on cloud nine. I was just wondering if there were other moms like me who didn't get pregnant the traditional way.


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## dustbunny

mamadreams said:


> Well in my case, there was never a father. I got pregnant on my own using frozen sperm. I have wanted a little one for a very long time and I still cannot believe I'm pregnant. I am on cloud nine. I was just wondering if there were other moms like me who didn't get pregnant the traditional way.

Well, as harsh as this may sound, I am so envious of your situation. Congratulations!!! :hugs:


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## Keebs

Hi mamadreams, huge congratulations! :flower:

I too am a single mother by choice (or soon to be so at least), I used a known donor to concieve and couldn't be happier :laugh2: In my case the donor will maintain contact, maybe even meet LO once or twice a year but will have no parental responsibilities and pay no maintenance.

Had always assumed I would meet my Mr right and together create a family. Was a very sad time for me when I turned 36 and he still hadn't put in an appearance, I grieved for the children I would never have. There followed a couple of very sad and unexpected deaths in my family, made me reassess my life and what I wanted from it. Life is too darned short to sit around and wait for your dreams so I found a way to achieve motherhood without Mr Right. Best decision ever :thumbup:

Will you be telling people how you got pregnant? I've told close friends and family but aquaintances simply know I got pregnant by choice but FOB will have little to no involvement. Have to confess I ahven't had one bad reaction to my news, a few people were so shocked they couldn't speak for ages (probably the most genuine reaction) but are generally now my biggest champions.

So, so pleased for you and wishing you a happy and healthy nine months :cloud9:


PS I agree with dustbunny, in many ways we are luckier than those women who have lost/left their partners, that must be such a very hard thing to go through :flower:


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## mamadreams

Hello Dustbunny and Keebs - 

I do agree that doing this on my own is less complicated than having a little one with someone and then having the relationship not work out. 

In my case, I was married to a woman for 6 years and we had even taken a course called Dykes Planning Tykes (Great title!) back in 2007. There is a six year age gap between us and unfortunately, while we both wanted a family, I was ready before she was. We decided to end things so that I could pursue my dream of having a little one - I will be turning 35 this year and she could follow her dream of travelling. 
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and being gay, I always knew I would use frozen sperm but I had hoped too, to have a loving partner to share it all with.

I am really lucky though because I have had nothing but support from my family and my friends. In fact, most of my friends are straight and they were were very interested in the whole journey. As I am only 4 weeks and a bit, I have only told my mom and dad and my closest friends. 

When I am in the second trimester, I will tell work and although there are bound to be questions - I will be selective of who I tell the whole story to. It's not that it's a secret - this little one is so incredibly wanted and loved already to pieces, but my work colleagues are not all my friends and this information, just like the decision, is personal.

Here in Toronto there is a group that meets once a month specifically for Moms by choice. It's fantastic to meet other woman like me who are creating the family they have always wanted through the use of frozen sperm, embryo donation, surrogates...it's empowering.

What is it like in Scotland, Keebs - have you met other moms like yourself?

Dustbunny - while your situation with the FOB might be complicated and you were not a single mom by choice, know that every single mom, regardless of how she became one, is a very strong woman. Your little one is lucky to have you!


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## ilove3baby

Me!! I already have a 4 year old and I was not single by choice by this time I am....I am 30 weeks pregnant! I chose to leave because it was just not a healthy relationship and God finally gave me the strength to get up and go!


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## Lemonflower

Hi Mamadreams - congratulations on your BFP !!! 

I am envious of you too, hehe !! You get your little bubba all to yourself ! 
My long story short, I was engaged, planned baby then got left at 13 weeks pregnant. :-(I was devestated, grieved for FOB and the loss of a family for weeks but then 4 months later something just clicked. I'm so excited about being a mum and know I can do this with the help of my friends and family and the ladies on here are wonderful.
Whether FOB have left, you left them or you decide to have a baby by choice we are all in the same boat and these little babies are so wanted and going to be so loved by us.
A family isn't a mum, dad and 2.2 children anymore - it's what we decide and who we let in but the way i'm looking at it my family mainly will be me and my LO.

Dustbunny is amazing - she'll make a great mummy- she's already been so strong and a lot of things she's said has helped me and we're due around the same date so our babies will be the same age - so exciting !

xxxx


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## Laura2919

Mine was both really. He text that morning and I had to be honest. I couldn't see a future for us, he ruined us years ago but needing constant attention from women. He was a good dad before he left, didn't do much but was there for the girls when needed and now he isn't worth a carrot, even his mum agrees with parts of what I say!! 

Anyway, regardless I do not see a future for us and haven't for a long time. I'd rather be single than with someone who treated me like he did.


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## Keebs

Lemonflower said:


> Whether FOB have left, you left them or you decide to have a baby by choice we are all in the same boat and these little babies are so wanted and going to be so loved by us.

Exactly :flower:


I too had hoped for a loving partner to share this with mamadreams, but alas it was not to be. The way I see it, we have an infinite window to find that partner but our ability to bear children is finite (and in my case fast running out) so it makes perfect sense to pursue one dream and hope the other follows in time.

Telling people is a tricky business, I find the short version (whilst not untrue) just doesn't make sense. So far people have been very polite and not questioned too much (and why should they, how many couples are quizzed to the n'th degree over how they got pregnant?) but I suspect that will change over time. Like you, it's not that I'm ashamed of the route I took to get here (exactly the opposite as it happens) but rather I want my focus to be on my LO and I. Once the questions start comming I will answer them honestly.

There are other single mothers by choice in the UK who have regular meetups. Haven't met any yet but I think I will once LO is here as it will be good for them to socialise with other (happy and well adjusted children) in the same boat. For myself, I am remarkably content with my decision and don't yet feel the need for support. However, I strongly suspect that will change over time as i have to adjust to helping my child come to terms with my decision and the effect it will have on them as they grow.

I'm glad you have that support there for you now. You are right at the start of your adventure and it's going to be such an exciting time :hugs:


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## Keebs

PS will you be starting a diary? I would love to follow you on your journey :flower:


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## MommaAlexis

Hey Hun we have a same sex parenting area on the forum, and a thread in there for single gay Mommies! :) Might find that kind of thread good too!


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## LoveMyBugg x

Me!!!!! :)


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## teal

My ex broke up with me when I refused to have a termination. So a way to put that is I had to choose between him and my child. I chose my child which led me to be a single mum :flow: xx


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## mamadreams

Thanks for the replies everyone. I have been exhausted these past few days and had no energy for the forum.

I am not doing a blog - just a journal/baby book for the little one with my experiences along the way. Many people have asked me to write a blog but as I didn't get pregnant in the traditional way, and I am gay and having a baby on my own, I don't want to open up a blog for comments by people who are intollerant. 

I hope you are all doing well - I am 5 weeks today and besides being exhausted and having sore boobs, I don't have any other symptoms.


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## SpudsMama

Me!! I conceived via AI with a known sperm donor. We keep in touch and talk quite often, updating him on the pregnancy etc. This was always something I wanted to do. I'm asexual so the natural way was never going to happen! 

It'll be nice to get to know some women in the same boat :thumbup: xx


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## Mischa

_Me 
I'm 9 weeks pregnant and split with FOB a week before we found out I was pregnant (Week 3)

We'd only been together nearly 2 month but known each other around 4 years ...

I'll admit, I'm scared due to bein' my first child and I'm near my mid-20's (wow i feel old sayin' it like tha ha!)

I currently live with my family and I am lookin' into potentially startin' a home for me & LO once LO arrives and is between 3-6month old  _


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## whoops

Similar story to teal - FOB told me to keep the baby, but that he would be cutting contact with me. So I've known from the beginning that I'm on my own in this. Not quite the same as using a donor, but the results are similar.


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## fingers_cross

Me. me and baby's father split 2 weeks before i found out i was pregnant. we still keep in contact and I update him with how the pregnancy is going (im 9 weeks) but we definitely wont be back together. Im currently living with my mum, we are very close, but im finding the prospect of living with her when baby is here very difficult, but financially dont have a choice. Hopefully things will change for me once baby is here, and ill be able to sort something out! but im extremely luckly that i have such a supportive family. Nice to see im not the only one too!


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## MommaAlexis

by the way about the journal I'm very 'out' on this website and haven't gotten any negativity at all about it. we're all here to help no matter our views!


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## lindsrae

Hi mamadreams!

I am also a single, lesbian mama by choice in Toronto! Would love to connect with you. I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant and am looking for other women in the city like us! 

Congrats on your pregnancy!


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## resursval

I consider my wee one no other than a donor baby.
I got preggers the first time we had sex... And he left me shortly after (I don't blame him, I am quite grateful actually)...
Now planning another baby in a year with known donor.


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## lelebee

This is so awesome, it's so nice to know im not alone. It literally warms my heart. I have a 3 year old boy & im expecting a little girl in October. I am elated


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