# 2/3 year old sticking out tongue and kicking,any advice on how to handle it?!



## estherina37

hi,my almost 3 yr old boy is constantly sticking his tongue out and trying to kick and hit when hes unhappy and frustrated about something....ive tried everything i can think of to stop it,but it only seems to be getting worse...then his nan says well hes only nearly 3 its normal,and to just ignore it....but i really dont appreciate my son doing this to me or anyone else infact! seems so dissrepectful when all we do is for him....any advice on his you think this is a major problem or a common problem he'll just grow out of....and how you would handle it would be great.....thanks yummy mummys!! :wacko::coffee:


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## Ozzieshunni

It is normal :shrug: It's not about respect or anything like that.

Try validating his emotions, "I see you're upset about blahblah. Let's do blahblah instead."


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## OmarsMum

I'd just ignore it & stay a bit far away to avoid the kicks until he calms down. We do talking about not acceptable behaviours when he's in a calm mood & not overwhelmed. You can tell him that kicking with hurt & it will make mummy sad & she will cry. 

I know Omar will not listen when he's really angry or frustrated. 

When Omar acts out of anger, he screams & jumps up & down while crying with real tears, trying to talk to him or going too close to him adds to his frustration, I just stay in the same room until he calms down then we cuddle. Later when he's ready for a talk we talk about it, then we don't bring it back again. 

We talk about the anger trigger, & how he should act when he doesn't get his away. 

When he was younger I used to cuddle it out & do time ins, but they don't always work now as he's so strong & big for me to keep him restraint in a cuddle. 

He will only accept time ins when he acts up out of distress but not anger.


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## estherina37

So u think its deff over the top to do the naughty step for it....?thanks girls x:hugs:


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## OmarsMum

We don't do naughty step or punishment & I don't know how it works. But I don't consider crying or acting up out of anger or frustration as naughty. 

Naughty is hitting another kid or breaking something on purpose, throwing food around for fun or to test our patience, etc. 

My son is not naughty but he's very emotional & he doesn't always know how to control his emotions & frustrations. So we try to help him in overcoming his feelings that he can't control by talking & explanation. I also offer loads of cuddles & kisses & I reassure him that everything is going to be ok xxx


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## estherina37

OmarsMum said:


> We don't do naughty step or punishment & I don't know how it works. But I don't consider crying or acting up out of anger or frustration as naughty.
> 
> Naughty is hitting another kid or breaking something on purpose, throwing food around for fun or to test our patience, etc.
> 
> My son is not naughty but he's very emotional & he doesn't always know how to control his emotions & frustrations. So we try to help him in overcoming his feelings that he can't control by talking & explanation. I also offer loads of cuddles & kisses & I reassure him that everything is going to be ok xxx

Surely tho if you consider naughty as him hitting another child,that's very similar to kicking mummy or trying to hit mummy?:huh: but I understand what you mean,that he's frustrated,I agree....he knows it makes me sad and can hurt as I've explained calmly and showed the sad face....and he says he understands,so when he then does it again,it's like he knows it will make me sad...yet I know he's still young.....so just looking for people's feedback on what they think and would do....thank you!:hugs:


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## Ozzieshunni

I don't use time out or naughty step. We have a cool down and a time in with Mommy. Just snuggles, maybe a breastfeed (I know Alex is younger) or we do something else. It's frustration and it doesn't help, in my opinion, to make them more frustrated by using a naughty step.

If he's hitting you, say, "Mommy doesn't like to be hit/kicked. We use gentle hands/feet."


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## OmarsMum

Hitting a child in a controlling manner when he's fully aware that he's going to hurt the child is naughty. Not when he's frustrated or angry, Omar went through a phase of pushing his cousin away every time he used to snatch a toy from him, I didn't consider it as naughty & we explained to him that he should ask for the toy back in a nice way. But going towards his cousin to hit him for the sake of it is naughty. 

Don't worry Hun, once he's older it gets easier, you're doing the right thing. :hugs: 

2-3 yrs is a very difficult age xx


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## lhancock90

I don't understand the tounge issue. It doesn't bother me, i think its cute and cheeky.
The hitting and kicking when frustrated is totally normal. I ignore it until shes released that frustration then i go over, give her a cuddle and find something new to do. 

:)


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## OmarsMum

Ozzieshunni said:


> I don't use time out or naughty step. We have a cool down and a time in with Mommy. Just snuggles, maybe a breastfeed (I know Alex is younger) or we do something else. It's frustration and it doesn't help, in my opinion, to make them more frustrated by using a naughty step.
> 
> If he's hitting you, say, "Mommy doesn't like to be hit/kicked. We use gentle hands/feet."

As you said, your LB is younger, time ins were amazing from 2 to 2.5 yrs, but now they don't really work unless he's distressed but not angry. xx


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## estherina37

lhancock90 said:


> I don't understand the tounge issue. It doesn't bother me, i think its cute and cheeky.
> The hitting and kicking when frustrated is totally normal. I ignore it until shes released that frustration then i go over, give her a cuddle and find something new to do.
> 
> :)

Aww u sound nice n chilled...wish I was more like u!i just think when he does it to his grandad it's seems so rude....:nope: and I feel guilty as his grandad has helped us so much with having him 2 days a week,bless him x


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## lhancock90

estherina37 said:


> lhancock90 said:
> 
> 
> I don't understand the tounge issue. It doesn't bother me, i think its cute and cheeky.
> The hitting and kicking when frustrated is totally normal. I ignore it until shes released that frustration then i go over, give her a cuddle and find something new to do.
> 
> :)
> 
> Aww u sound nice n chilled...wish I was more like u!i just think when he does it to his grandad it's seems so rude....:nope: and I feel guilty as his grandad has helped us so much with having him 2 days a week,bless him xClick to expand...

Don't get me wrong, i find it stressful :haha: but i remember that she can't express how shes feeling properly so her tantrum is how she does it. She doesn't understand why she can't just eat biscuits etc :)

Are his grandparents bothered by it?

x


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## estherina37

lhancock90 said:


> estherina37 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lhancock90 said:
> 
> 
> I don't understand the tounge issue. It doesn't bother me, i think its cute and cheeky.
> The hitting and kicking when frustrated is totally normal. I ignore it until shes released that frustration then i go over, give her a cuddle and find something new to do.
> 
> :)
> 
> Aww u sound nice n chilled...wish I was more like u!i just think when he does it to his grandad it's seems so rude....:nope: and I feel guilty as his grandad has helped us so much with having him 2 days a week,bless him xClick to expand...
> 
> Don't get me wrong, i find it stressful :haha: but i remember that she can't express how shes feeling properly so her tantrum is how she does it. She doesn't understand why she can't just eat biscuits etc :)
> 
> Are his grandparents bothered by it?
> 
> xClick to expand...

I think I'm more bothered about it,and always think they just being polite when they say its fine..but his grandad does say,aww come on that's not nice is it,when he does it.....bless him x


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## lhancock90

They probably know kids are kids chick :)
If you pay no attention to it, he'll get bored and stop.

xx


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## freckleonear

estherina37 said:


> lhancock90 said:
> 
> 
> I don't understand the tounge issue. It doesn't bother me, i think its cute and cheeky.
> The hitting and kicking when frustrated is totally normal. I ignore it until shes released that frustration then i go over, give her a cuddle and find something new to do.
> 
> :)
> 
> Aww u sound nice n chilled...wish I was more like u!i just think when he does it to his grandad it's seems so rude....:nope: and I feel guilty as his grandad has helped us so much with having him 2 days a week,bless him xClick to expand...

Children stick their tongue out just because they like exploring what their body can do. There is no bad intention behind it and they don't know that it is considered rude unless an adult tells them off, in which case it just becomes a fun way to wind the adult up! Personally I just ignore it when my children stick their tongues out as they have no intention of being cheeky.


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## missy1

Having lumps kicked out of you is difficult, especially when it's your tummy and you are pregnant (as I am). My 2 year old seems to have stopped this now, maybe because she can actually see a growing bump but a few months ago she would kick me in the stomach whenever she was on the changing mat and when I told her no she would just laugh. It was incredibly frustrating so I know where you are coming from. She kept doing it every time even after I explained that it was wrong and that she was hurting me so we tried the naughty step but it didn't work. She just got really upset and didn't seem to understand what was going on so we gave up with that. In the end I had to just change her side-on so she could not kick out at my tummy. I don't know if it was the pregnancy hormones or a protective instinct towards my unborn child but when she would kick me I would find myself getting very angry and I knew I may do something I regret in the heat of the moment as a knee jerk reaction to being kicked so I knew I had to prevent the situation from happening. I realised she is only 2 and doesn't understand she's hurting me or that I have a baby in there so I now just remove myself from the situation because I do not want to get angry with her. It's such a difficult stage and it's not called the terrible twos for nothing. I agree with the other ladies about her sticking out her tongue, I don't think that a big deal, I wouldn't get to hung up on that, it's just play. But I really think at age 2 it is difficult to discipline them for naughty behaviour such as kicking, biting, pushing or throwing food about. I try to ignore it and walk away now and then when its not the heat of the moment I explain that it's wrong to do that etc. I'm no expert though and just learning as I go along. I'm finding it pretty stressful somedays too but I suppose that's how it's going to be with a toddler. Good luck xxx


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## Ozzieshunni

OmarsMum said:


> Ozzieshunni said:
> 
> 
> I don't use time out or naughty step. We have a cool down and a time in with Mommy. Just snuggles, maybe a breastfeed (I know Alex is younger) or we do something else. It's frustration and it doesn't help, in my opinion, to make them more frustrated by using a naughty step.
> 
> If he's hitting you, say, "Mommy doesn't like to be hit/kicked. We use gentle hands/feet."
> 
> As you said, your LB is younger, time ins were amazing from 2 to 2.5 yrs, but now they don't really work unless he's distressed but not angry. xxClick to expand...

They worked with the children I worked with as well. I'm not just speaking from my experience with my son.


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## Dragonfly

There's always a reason for the behavior, try and ascertain whats happening to make this happen. Always helps to get to the root cause rather than punish an underlying problem that could get worse. Ignoring and naughty steps ignore the root problem with the child.


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## lhancock90

Dragonfly said:


> There's always a reason for the behavior, try and ascertain whats happening to make this happen. Always helps to get to the root cause rather than punish an underlying problem that could get worse. Ignoring and naughty steps ignore the root problem with the child.

Sometimes the kids just frustrated because they can't have or do something. In which case, allowing them to release that then move on from it is the easy way and sometimes kids are just mischievous and naughty.. :shrug:


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## Dragonfly

lhancock90 said:


> Dragonfly said:
> 
> 
> There's always a reason for the behavior, try and ascertain whats happening to make this happen. Always helps to get to the root cause rather than punish an underlying problem that could get worse. Ignoring and naughty steps ignore the root problem with the child.
> 
> Sometimes the kids just frustrated because they can't have or do something. In which case, allowing them to release that then move on from it is the easy way and sometimes kids are just mischievous and naughty.. :shrug:Click to expand...

Agree yes, a way of releasing anger. Just I wouldnt ignore and walk away thats all. Stand back yes but I would be present and explaining why cant do something of have something.


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## lhancock90

Dragonfly said:


> lhancock90 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dragonfly said:
> 
> 
> There's always a reason for the behavior, try and ascertain whats happening to make this happen. Always helps to get to the root cause rather than punish an underlying problem that could get worse. Ignoring and naughty steps ignore the root problem with the child.
> 
> Sometimes the kids just frustrated because they can't have or do something. In which case, allowing them to release that then move on from it is the easy way and sometimes kids are just mischievous and naughty.. :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> Agree yes, a way of releasing anger. Just I wouldnt ignore and walk away thats all. Stand back yes but I would be present and explaining why cant do something of have something.Click to expand...

I can tell Evelyn why she can't have something until i'm hoarse. She doesn't understand a word of my reasoning, so i leave her to vent out all that frustration then i walk over and start playing with her or give her a cuddle. I don't walk out the room..


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## Dragonfly

I never thought you did leave her I am just saying what I do. Sometimes theres nothing a parent can do but be there.


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## estherina37

Aww thanks everyone it really helps just knowing I'm not alone in this issue,not that I want anyone else to suffer!:flower: it does help to see how others are dealing with it definitely!i feel for the pregnant lady..deff more of a stressful situation!i hope all goes ok for you!:hugs:


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## angelae36

Ah now.
We used to just ignore our 3 year old when she had tantrums. During these tantrums she'd hit the walls, doors and kitchen bin.
They nearly always start because of frustration. Like she can't have what she wants, can't get her own way or was told off for hitting and biting. We'd leave her to get on with it and she'd calm down within a couple of minutes.

So when she gets to preschool and shes in a totally alien environment without me and starts to tantrum, hit, bite and throw herself on the floor out of frustration, I was told that I needed to see the HV about her behaviour and that her 3 days would be cut to 2 (in a nutshell).

We now do time out's with her when she hits/bites/throws toys and she is calming down a bit.
I also head off tantrums if I see one coming, for example, if she has a toy and she can't get it to do what she wants she will shout at it (as you do!). I then ask her if I can help. She is now starting to let me help her when she is stuck and tantrums are avoided.
I should say she is speech delayed so gets frustrated easily.


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