# Parents with children who have autism



## jessicasmum

Hi I'm a mother of 3, I have a 11 year old daughter, nearly 28 month old daughter and a 3 week old son.
My nearly 28 month old daughter is the one I have my concerns about and I've been doing a lot of searching on God knows how many sites and there are quite a few similarities to children with autism.
Here's the similarities that I've come across:

She doesn't talk

She doesn't really communicate in any other way

She doesn't play with toys

She sometimes rocks (which I use to think was her dancing)

She chews everything/puts anything in her mouth including her own poo

She flaps her hands in front of her face

She sometimes smacks her head or face/presses her hand quite hard up against her nose

She has sleep problems where she'll be up in the early hours and won't go back to sleep, she'll either be screaming/crying or being really giddy

Skin problems/itching (doctor said she has eczema though)

Does similar things a lot like she goes up to walls and touches/slaps them

Stomach issues/windy and discomfort

Not sure if I've missed anything out there. She starts playgroup on Monday and we want to see how she deals with a learning setting and also with children her own age, hopefully the nursery nurses will give helpful feedback regarding her delays.

So my question is does my daughter's symptoms sound like your child/children who has autism? I've not spoke with anyone with experience with this before only done Google searching, so would be great if I could get feedback from other parents.

Many thanks in advance :flower:


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## smurff

Hi, my 4 year old daughter has learning difficulties and is delayed with sensory issues, and autistic traits. Have been told by lots of health professionals that's she definitely autistic but we just haven't got official diagnosis yet. 
To be honest alot of what your daughter does my daughter does aswell. 
My daughter has limited speech
Isn't potty trained 
Will stay awake till late and if she wakes during nite she stays awake 
Gets very frustrated 
Bangs her head on walls and floors 
Didn't know how to interact with other children
Would love being around children but didn't want to join in
Can't walk up and down steps on her own
Flaps her hands and feet 
Never played with toys
Amazing with anything technical
Used to chew on things
Hates loud noises 
Likes her own space
And if she says something she will keep repeating it till you say it back to her.
I always knew something was different about my daughter, she never really reached milestones on time. We took her nursary and they picked up on her language straight away, she went to speech therapist who referred her to a child development clinic. That's when we found out the extent of probs and I was told about autism. 
One piece of advice I would give is don't Google, it will drive u mad and alot of things they talk about as symptoms ain't really symptoms at all and children without autism can do them. The hand flapping I've heard is normal for any child to do. 
Why not talk to your hv and see if they will come round and do a quick test on her. Have a word with nursary first and explain your concerns so they can keep a special eye on her.
I hope everything works out for you. Let us know how she gets on


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## lusterleaf

I would get her evaluated based on what you wrote. My son was diagnosed at 19 months old but some "red flags" that caused me to get him evaluated were: Did not talk, did not answer to his name or follow one step directions, had a fascination with opening and closing doors/cabinets, turning the lights on/off, did not play with toys appropriately, such as, spinned the wheels of a toy car.. spinned while looking out the corner of his eyes. Also, many children with autism have GI issues. At 2.5 we took him to a GI doctor and he was diagnosed with celiac disease. We try to avoid gluten now as best we can and we also give him a daily probiotic and put it in his drink. His Early Intervention teacher said she noticed a big difference in his behavior once we started the probiotic.


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## happycupcake

I know you posted a while ago but thought I would reply anyway.
My four year old son is diagnosed with autism (he's almost 5). We didn't suspect anything at first, I think the first thing we were concerned about was his speech. Initially, because he was slowly learning new words, we left having him referred to give him time but it became obvious that there was more to it than simply delayed speech because he started to display many more signs:
Delayed speech
Isn't potty or toilet trained
Is only just starting to follow some simple instructions (pass me this, put this over there, shoes on etc.)
He has proper, full on meltdowns about incredibly trivial things (I'm sure they aren't trivial to him, though!)
Doesn't engage with imaginative play
Doesn't engage with other children 
Has obsessions with things like wheels, windows, hair etc.
Knows his way around an electronic device marvellously 
Will build tall towers but won't stretch to building say a simple house 
Becomes overexcited to the extreme, giddy, a little like a ferret does!
Doesn't recognise facial expressions unless extremely obvious
Is a picky eater
Has digestive issues (chronic constipation)
Struggles when routine is disrupted
Doesn't always make good eye contact, although is better with that with us
Doesn't have a good grasp of danger (knows to wait for the green man at a crossing, for example, but doesn't know why despite attempting to explain)
Parrots literally everything you say and will keep saying the same things a number of times
Flaps hands
Hits himself

Probably lots more but I can't remember off the top of my head

Our daughter is three, almost four. She is currently undergoing the assessment process. It was less obvious in her until recently, but it was her speech which flagged up for us first, like her brother:

Little speech (she has quite a few words, but doesn't usually use them in context and can't speak in basic sentences)
Can't gesture
Her way of communicating is to scream at you until you figure out what she wants
She's funny about her own personal space, like you can't give her kisses for instance 
Her attention span is incredibly short
Is super fussy with food, more so than her brother
Lines everything up neatly
She will engage in imaginative play quite well, but won't engage with other children
She has absolutely zero concept of danger, she would happily drag you into oncoming traffic if you allowed her to
When out all she wants to do is walk, she doesn't want to stop anywhere and will scream if you do
Doesn't respond to her name
Has odd ways with clothes - will want to be completely naked even when it's freezing, or will constantly want to wear everything all at once 
Has meltdowns about what I couldn't tell you most of the time
Flaps hands and feet
Will become violent
Has phases of awful sleeping patterns - will wake during the early hours and won't go back to sleep without white noise, sometimes she will stay awake despite doing this
Doesn't like it when people laugh
She can name colours and numbers and some letters 
Doesn't understand facial expressions at all
Can't follow basic instructions 
Doesn't like her hair being touched
Gets on fab with electronic devices and traditional puzzles

Sometimes theres a genetic link, is there anyone in your or your OHs family with autism or suspected autism? Sometimes there isn't a link of course. There is in our case. 
Having her in nursery will provide some good info, as you know autism is largely a social condition as well as sensory, so gauging how she is with other children regularly and other adults will give you a much clearer idea. It is much harder in many cases to recognise and so diagnose in girls than boys since girls seem to be naturally more social creatures and tend to engage in imaginative play more so than boys too. You already have an older daughter, so you can compare to a certain extent which could be helpful to you, from you older daughter's earlier years to your youngest daughter now. Some milestones she may meet fine, our children were walking within the average timescale, for instance. Speech delays can be caused by other things too such as hearing problems, have you had those ruled out? If you haven't, it's definitely worth doing, unless you know for sure her hearing is fine. We knew our children's hearing could be selective, but there wasn't an actual problem with it. But this isn't the only problem that can cause speech delay, so I think it's wise to mention it. 
Autism is quite common, and many many children with an ASD diagnosis live perfectly normal lives with a little help along the way. It's a spectrum condition after all, which means there will be higher and lower functioning, and everything in between. But if she happens to struggle a fair bit, don't panic about it because there's a wealth of knowledge and help there, and once you realise what your child gets on with, things can fall into place surprisingly fast. I don't know how you feel about your daughter potentially having an autism diagnosis but I know many people are quite afraid and daunted at the prospect, I was at first as was my husband. You have so many questions, but you do start to see in time that the things you once saw as these impossible obstacles can be overcome


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## jessicasmum

I know I posted this thread a while ago but took a bit of a break from bnb so sorry for only replying now.

Thank you ladies for your replies.

Jasmine has had two 2 year checks now, one with the health visitor at home and one at her playgroup, both have shown shes delayed in all areas. At playgroup they said she doesn't play and walks about chewing her t-shirt and also doesn't talk, one of the nursery teachers said she thinks she's got selective hearing.
The health visitor after her review has referred her to an audiologist, speech and language therapists and a paediatrition. She's been twice now for her hearing checked after 1 failed attempt, the 2nd time they managed to part of it while she only kept still with the things in her ear while she watched a tv programme on hubbys mobile, the other part was she was meant to turn to a toy that made a noise across the room but she didn't so they are waiting 6 months to try again when they are hoping she will be comunicating some by then, the first part of the hearing that she managed to do they said all was fine with her ears/hearing. I really do think that there isn't an hearing problem at all and it is just selective hearing because she mostly doesn't respond to her name but if there are other sounds for examples: food wrapper being russled, key in the front door, song/tv programme comes on tv she will all turn for.
We have her first paediatrician appointment for 25th May but we still haven't heard from the speech and language therapist which I'm getting annoyed about because we really need to start getting support so she can start to take steps of learning how to communicate.

Do any of your children if at school age have to go a special needs school or are they in a mainstream school? We are far from this yet because Jasmine will be at playgroup until July 2018 and then school nursery from September 2018 before reception class in September 2019.

Also did any of your children use PEC cards to help to talk/communicate?

To answer the question no neither on my family side or hubbys that we know of no one has autism. Do you believe if it's not genetic that something in pregnancy and at birth could of caused something? I ask because there was a number of things; I had to have an emergency appendix operation when I was 20 weeks pregnant with her, there was loads of fluid surrounding her in the womb, she was breach, I had a planned c-section but the spinal didn't work so had to have a general and she was deprived oxygen at birth.


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## happycupcake

Our youngest daughter we suspected had a hearing problem initially, until it became rather obvious it was selective hearing! Much in the same way as your daughter - wouldn't respond to her name being called but would turn to see favourite TV show etc. She is more responsive nowadays but can be selective with her hearing.

My eldest went to school, mainstream, and only struggled with noise and sometimes bullying. Bullying any child is at risk from in any school, although I think in autism it's harder for them to make friends so it's important they are perhaps given a safe place to play or eat lunch if they don't like being too social, or if they enjoy being social but simply struggle with how to be social, then being given a small group of friends is quite a common thing at school (like a buddy system) and can be a lovely positive experience and help to give friendships a kickstart. 
The other two don't attend nursery or school as we have chosen to home educate them.
With the youngest two we have used the PEC cards and they are fab. They have helped miles with the four year old but youngest daughter didn't quite get the hang of them. Something I think she will do in time, given she is that little bit younger as well. 
It wouldn't hurt to give speech & language a call to chase up her referral, and also ensure it hasn't got lost (our daughter's did!).
I asked the same questions pretty much, could I have caused this somehow in pregnancy, was there anything that could have caused it but the answer is there isn't. There isn't anything you could have done differently, and nothing you experienced during your pregnancy and her birth would have caused this. It is what it is, sometimes it's hereditary and sometimes it isn't. They can offer genetic testing, if you want it


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## smurff

I have always blamed myself for my daughters difficulties, I read that epidurals, prolonged labour, and forceps can cause autism. I had all 3!, but like my hubby said, there are thousands and thousands of women who go through prolonged birth and forceps delivery and thier children don't have autism, we don't have anyone in the family with autism but since having my daughter and all the info we have gone through I suspect I am on the spectrum somewhere,. We went for genetic testing last August, I'm dreading finding out if I am somewhere on the spectrum cause then I never will forgive myself


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## jessicasmum

happycupcake said:


> Our youngest daughter we suspected had a hearing problem initially, until it became rather obvious it was selective hearing! Much in the same way as your daughter - wouldn't respond to her name being called but would turn to see favourite TV show etc. She is more responsive nowadays but can be selective with her hearing.
> 
> My eldest went to school, mainstream, and only struggled with noise and sometimes bullying. Bullying any child is at risk from in any school, although I think in autism it's harder for them to make friends so it's important they are perhaps given a safe place to play or eat lunch if they don't like being too social, or if they enjoy being social but simply struggle with how to be social, then being given a small group of friends is quite a common thing at school (like a buddy system) and can be a lovely positive experience and help to give friendships a kickstart.
> The other two don't attend nursery or school as we have chosen to home educate them.
> With the youngest two we have used the PEC cards and they are fab. They have helped miles with the four year old but youngest daughter didn't quite get the hang of them. Something I think she will do in time, given she is that little bit younger as well.
> It wouldn't hurt to give speech & language a call to chase up her referral, and also ensure it hasn't got lost (our daughter's did!).
> I asked the same questions pretty much, could I have caused this somehow in pregnancy, was there anything that could have caused it but the answer is there isn't. There isn't anything you could have done differently, and nothing you experienced during your pregnancy and her birth would have caused this. It is what it is, sometimes it's hereditary and sometimes it isn't. They can offer genetic testing, if you want it

Do you mind me asking why you decided to home school your younger two? Do you get a lot of support to be able to do this? 
Also you said it was genetic with your family, is there someone else outside your children that has autism?
The health visitor did ring for a catch up last week I think it was and she was quite surprised about speech and language therapist not being in contact. We are in the process of moving and will be moved by 13th April so will need to make contact with health visitor etc to inform on new address and phone number so I think be a good chance then to chase up the referral.


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## jessicasmum

Questions for you both, how does the genetic testing work? Is it a test on me and hubby or my daughter? Do I need a diagnosis for my daughter first?

I do worry even though there is no known family history that it is genetic, my eldest definitely no signs but my youngest is only 3 months so still way off from knowing. We are actually considering trying for #4 possibly in 2 years time but I do worry about coping with the challenges that lie ahead for DD2 and also not knowing if my youngest or possible next child will have autism too.

Can I ask how your partner's were before the diagnoses of your children? My hubby I think was in denial and maybe still Is, he got so annoyed with me when I said I think it's autism, I think it hit him a bit more though when we had the health visitor review.


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## happycupcake

We decided to homeschool them because in part their communication difficulties concerned us when thinking of them being in someone else's care. The schools and nurseries here we don't feel are of a particularly high standard (the places within our reach, anyway) and didn't feel secure. Some of them were allowing young children to wander around unattended up and down floors, their 'security system' was merely a sliding lock which is easily figured out and undone by any child tall enough to reach. The others didn't seem particularly attentive to SEN and didn't seem to offer much in the way of individual support, saying they wouldn't offer this in some instances. So, we felt that they would be safer with us, and since we don't have a bunch of other children to watch and teach, we can offer more in the way of one-to-one education. 
We also felt that other people would struggle to handle their meltdowns, whereas we know how to deal with them. Sometimes what we do doesn't pan out but it usually does, eventually anyway! We couldn't stand the thought of them having a meltdown and being unable to calm down from it, being away from any familiarity and those who know how to help. 

Financially, there isn't any help available for those who opt to homeschool. Which to be honest, I think takes the biscuit somewhat. You still have to buy in resources, go to places etc. and it all costs a lot! A decent set of books for an older child on a single subject alone can cost upwards of £50 if you want a decent range. Then there's all the practical stuff too, which you don't think will add up to much but it does. We currently don't drive, so if we wanted a day trip anywhere it would mean the expense of public transport as well as any entry fees, depending on where it was. 
For those with SEN you can access support in the way of play therapy, speech & language, a paediatrician etc. you can claim disability living allowance which obviously helps with certain things, so this could be used to help in education. You are meant to be able to access help via your local authority as well but in all honesty our experiences with our local authority have been merely busybodies demanding proof of an education (of which you aren't under any obligation to provide, and you don't have to allow any visits) and despite me asking a number of times for help with specific things and being told they can help, they have yet to come up with the goods, as it were.

With the hereditary thing, I have a diagnosis of Asperger's. My husband has traits but I don't think any more than anyone else does to be honest, I don't think he is on the spectrum. 
I think if you are offered genetic testing you and your husband would have it done, I think, because they would be looking for any pointers on both sides I would have thought. It hasn't been explained to me by them, only briefly mentioned at our son's previous appointment. I would think you have to have a diagnosis first, unless you paid for private testing and then I guess you could have it done with or without a diagnosis.

The chances of any future children having an ASD, or indeed any other issue, is probably virtually impossible to know in advance. I think genetic testing would give you a better idea, if you or your husband show anything, but even then I doubt it's absolute. The thing is, you could have a completely neurotypical couple have an autistic child and any number of further children without autism, or any other issues. You could, by the same token, have parents on the spectrum but children who aren't, or a mix, or all on the spectrum as well. It could go any way with any parental set up. I think genetic testing could potentially offer more insight but I don't think it can give you a definitive answer in terms of risk to future children.

My husband was concerned, and to a degree didn't want to know. I think he was frightened at first to know for sure, I guess because then you can't hide from it and it does seem scary at first. But then walking into anything unknown is scary. He worries they won't lead a normal life, that they won't learn to communicate properly and he won't ever be able to have a proper conversation with them, things like this. But in part this is because his previous job involved a secure unit with some patients on the more severe end of the spectrum, so this was his only firsthand example of autism before he and I met. 
It's different since he's had time to think about things with more clarity and seen how quickly things can change when you introduce new methods of learning. When they cotton onto something quickly and it helps them communicate that little bit more, his confidence improves as well and he has started to realise that their future isn't necessarily (or even likely) a bleak future! 
I think it's natural to feel anger sometimes when you are faced with something that inevitably does change how things are, it changes your ideals and your life. It doesn't mean it has to be in a negative way, and I think when they realise this things start to fall into place more


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## happycupcake

smurff said:


> I have always blamed myself for my daughters difficulties, I read that epidurals, prolonged labour, and forceps can cause autism. I had all 3!, but like my hubby said, there are thousands and thousands of women who go through prolonged birth and forceps delivery and thier children don't have autism, we don't have anyone in the family with autism but since having my daughter and all the info we have gone through I suspect I am on the spectrum somewhere,. We went for genetic testing last August, I'm dreading finding out if I am somewhere on the spectrum cause then I never will forgive myself

I don't think there's proof, as in proper scientific proof, that any of those things cause autism. I think these have been looked at just as many other things have, in a bid to find out what causes it because the causes are so largely unknown. Autism is quite new, in a way. But when you look at it rationally, as you pointed out there are millions of women having had all those experiences and have had children who aren't on the spectrum. There certainly isn't any significant risk with these things, otherwise they would have listed it as a cause officially. It's just speculation, but there's more to show autism is potentially hereditary than anything. I don't know about environmental. A lot of outside things could potentially cause x, y & z but equally may have absolutely zero impact as well. 

If you find that you are yourself on the spectrum, why should you feel guilt? What if your husband was found to be on the spectrum? Would you blame him? I don't think you would? Perhaps I'm wrong, but I don't think you would. As I said in my above post, you could have both parents on the spectrum and have children without a trace of autism, just like you can have 'normal' parents but who have children with autism. There's little point in blame and guilt because even if you do have an ASD, it still doesn't mean that you caused your child to have autism. Sometimes it just happens, and there isn't any way of knowing who it will happen to! You don't have any part in this, you didn't cause this. 

Don't look upon autism as an awful thing - there are many, many amazingly good points. And to be honest, there is only a single difference, the brains of neurotypicals and those on the spectrum are wired slightly differently, causing us to interpret the world in different ways. Sometimes this has a huge impact, sometimes it's barely noticeable (autism is actually extremely common, and even amongst neurotypicals they will themselves show traits so it could be said we are all autistic). Your guilt would be better transformed into positivity in the way of being proud of your daughter's differences (how boring would it be if we were all the same), learning the best ways to tap into how she learns, and encouraging her in those things people call 'obsessions', which I prefer to think of as that child being an expert in a certain area (for example, my eldest is an absolute expert when it comes to trains and cars and also creating online games).
Don't feel guilty, you don't have anything to feel guilty for <3

The vast majority of conditions are little more than a health lottery. It's how you deal with them if/when they happen that counts


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## smurff

No your right I wouldn't blame my husband if he was on the spectrum, I'm just naturally hard on myself. 

I definitely don't look at autism as an awful thing, I don't know if you've seen any of my other posts but I am immensely proud of my daughter and I'm so proud to be an autistic mum. Ive said all along that if someone said they could give my daughter a magic pill to make all her probs go away I would never in a million years give it to her. Her autism is what makes my daughter who she is and I wouldn't change that for the world, she is amazing at anything technical, so much so that she would put many an adult to shame. She can do 50 piece puzzles in minutes, she can hear things before anyone else, she's my little super hero :happydance:. She is so loving and so caring and thoughtful, she's also stubborn and likes to do things on her own terms and won't be pushed around by anyone. I always worried she'd never make friends or cope with school, how wrong was I, she has a massive group of friends in her specialist class but also in the mainstream school aswell! At playtime they all want to play with her and on my way home the amount of children who call out to her is unbelievable, I burst Into tears with pride when her teacher told me the other day that she is one of the most popular girls in her year. Yes it would be boring if everyone was the same. My princess is one of a kind and I'd never ever change a single thing about her.


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## happycupcake

Sorry, I do apologise if my post came across as if I didn't think you were proud of your daughter. I worried it may come off like that, but I find it difficult to put thoughts into words


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## jessicasmum

I love my daughter and all my children no matter what and the thought of autism is scary I will admit but I'm more scared about myself not being good enough for her. I think she's an amazing little girl just like you both obviously think about your children too. You both sound like such great mum's how you are coping and getting the help you are for your children. All I want to do is do right by her and get all the help she needs.


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## smurff

happycupcake said:


> Sorry, I do apologise if my post came across as if I didn't think you were proud of your daughter. I worried it may come off like that, but I find it difficult to put thoughts into words

No it didn't come across like that it's fine, I really appreciated your reply, reading my reply back did sound like I was accusing you of saying I wasn't proud of her but I didn't mean it to come across like that. I always think the way I say things can Come out wrong but I can never think of another way to say them :wacko:


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## smurff

jessicasmum said:


> I love my daughter and all my children no matter what and the thought of autism is scary I will admit but I'm more scared about myself not being good enough for her. I think she's an amazing little girl just like you both obviously think about your children too. You both sound like such great mum's how you are coping and getting the help you are for your children. All I want to do is do right by her and get all the help she needs.

Of course your a great mum, the fact your on hear wanting to get help and worrying your not a good mum just proves that. Of course autism is scary in fact it can be bloody terrifying, when I was told about my daughters autism I wasn't thinking Oh well I don't care she is who she is, I was in tears thinking what sort of life will she have, will I be able to cope, will make friends will she be able to go school, there was so many questions. I was luckily I got the help my daughter needed, she has an amazing team around her. I wouldn't say I'm a great mum I just do my best, you just have to get on with things at the end of the day. Yes it's been a struggle getting her EHCP and getting her into her school but you take each day as it comes. 
Your a great mum and you'll be amazed at what coned naturally when dealing with autism


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## happycupcake

smurff said:


> happycupcake said:
> 
> 
> Sorry, I do apologise if my post came across as if I didn't think you were proud of your daughter. I worried it may come off like that, but I find it difficult to put thoughts into words
> 
> No it didn't come across like that it's fine, I really appreciated your reply, reading my reply back did sound like I was accusing you of saying I wasn't proud of her but I didn't mean it to come across like that. I always think the way I say things can Come out wrong but I can never think of another way to say them :wacko:Click to expand...

I just wanted to ensure you knew I didn't mean I thought you weren't proud, your post didn't seem accusing :flower:
It can be so tough to type how you mean in your mind, for it to sound the same :wacko:

Jessicasmum - I don't think you have to worry because the fact you do worry shows you are already a fab mum! You are doing everything you can, and all anyone can do. 
I think it's probably quite common amongst parents to worry they are doing everything they can. I think it shows you are a good mum, because if you weren't then you wouldn't be bothered and wouldn't worry. 
I am always questioning myself, whether we/I am doing the right thing by them, could we do more, have we missed anything etc. 
We don't always feel as if we are coping, you have good days and days which are tougher but it isn't unusual I don't think :hugs:

Happy Mother's Day to you both, by the way :cloud9:


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## jessicasmum

Thank you both of you. Thank you also for taking your time and sharing with me. I know it's not confirmed about my daughter yet but it's nice that there is others that I can share my worries with.

You mentioned about fussy eating with your children, I was wondering are they always fussy or sometimes go through stages of normal eating? With my daughter she'll go through stages of eating a lot and eating pretty much everything to other times she'll be really fussy and only really eat bread based things.

Oh and thank You, I hope you had a lovely mothers day yesterday :)


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## happycupcake

All our three have been/are fussy eaters. First son, his diet was ridiculous from about 18 months onwards but he is MUCH better these days and will give anything a try which is wonderful. The youngest two go between being super fussy to eating everything in sight but more frequently are fussy. They do love their fruit though, which is good and pretty much the only thing I can be confident they will definitely eat! It's pretty usual, especially in ASD, they may be fussy with the texture of something rather than flavour - I would love the taste of some foods but hate the texture when I was little. I like the taste and smell of bacon today but can't stand the texture. I'm actually a veggie lol! But love the smell of some meat. 
Apparently it takes at least fifteen times of trying something new to decide if you like it, so it's always worth offering previously disliked foods at some point. Keep reintroducing things. I guess the easiest thing is to always make sure there is something they love on their plate, then at least you know they will eat that even if they don't like the other things :)


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## jessicasmum

Your youngest 2 sound the same as my little girl with eating everything in site and then being fussy, she also loves fruit and will eat any type.
Not sure if you have already mentioned this but do any of your children like chewing things? My daughter likes to spend a lot of the time chewing, her clothes or muslin cloths or anything else she can get her hands on.


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## jessicasmum

I know this isn't relavant but just because you mentioned about being a veggie, I also am a veggie, I do know what you mean I love the smell of smoked bacon.


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## happycupcake

They both chewed/mouthed everything for an extended time! Our daughter has just turned 4 and has only recently stopped putting everything in her mouth. She will sometimes, but it isn't a problem anymore whereas before it was a problem. 

On the food, they both like nuts too. Daughter loves cashews but youngest son will eat pretty much any type of nut available. 

Did you used to eat meat? I used to eat sausages up until I was 16/17 and also used to eat chicken occasionally, especially if it was in the form of a KFC Zinger Tower, I think it was called. But then I went off it during pregnancy with youngest son and haven't touched any kind of meat since. I don't like cooking it as well, but I do love the smell of some things, particularly sausages and bacon


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## jessicasmum

Did you do anything to try to stop them chewing or did they just do it themselves? I know some people buy the chew necklaces or things like that but I'm not even sure it will work for Jasmine because you will see her having a muslin to chew and then she'll forget she had that and look for something else, so she doesn't always keep to one thing to chew.

I've not really tried my daughter with any nuts yet so not sure if she likes them, I'm always a bit wary because I'm allergic to cashew nuts so even avoided them with my eldest too.

I ate meat until I was 15 and then decided while I was on holiday in Italy that I didn't really agree with it and wanted to stop and I haven't eaten meat since and I'll be turning 32 in May do I've not ate meat now longer than I ever did eat it. I do miss it sometimes though.


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## smurff

My dd in the last 6mths has gotten terrible for chewing and eating things, it started with me walking in her bedroom and finding she'd climbed on her chest of drawers and while watching TV was chewing on the wires, she'd stripped the outer black cable and was down to the blue and brown wire, to this day I get upset and feel sick thinking what could have happened if I'd walked in 5 mind later, needless to say every electrical item was taken out of room, got her brand new TV and put it up on Wall and the cable was put in behind coving and a big chest of drawers covering the plug socket. I've found her with lots in her mouth and only a few weeks ago she had done a poo in her pull up and inside the poo was a thick piece of twine she had swallowed, unfortunately there was still some inside her which I pulled out and then had to take her to hospital to check it was all out. It's a major worry for me, she chews her nails aswell. I've had to inform her school so she's kept an extra close eye on and has a new risk assessment in place. I can't have any bags in our front room or if people come to visit they have to empty their pockets. I currently hoover about 3 times a day just incase I've missed anything that's been dropped on the floor.


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## smurff

Oh and I hope you both had a great mothers day aswell x


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## happycupcake

Jessicasmum, we discouraged them from chewing things they shouldn't, and allowed them to get on with it with harmless things or things designed for being chewed on but didn't buy any extras. Our youngest daughter used to love a dummy until about a year ago, we didn't have any issues stopping it though, we simply didn't give it to her and she didn't kick up a fuss so it was easy which I was surprised about! Especially given her chewing habit.

Is it likely they would be allergic too? I wouldn't know. 

Smurff, bless your heart I know how scary some situations can be! But you are doing all you can to protect her and this is the main thing. She will probably grow out of it eventually, we have found this with ours. Some things take longer than others, but eventually they get there


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## jessicasmum

Smurff: My gosh that must of been so frightening about the wire. My daughter has tried to chew a wire but weve been in the same room and been able to get it off her straight away. At the moment because she's still at toddler stage someone is always in the same room as her and only left for a few minutes if we nip like toilet or something so we haven't had too much of a scare yet with the dangerous stuff, I do really worry about it because we can't be expected to keep to always have to be in same room with her 24/7 though.
You mentioned she had climbed on to her draws, is climbing on everything also an issue? My daughter is always trying to climb which is another worry.

Happycupcake: That's good that it was easy that they seem to stop the chewing, I really hope this will be the case also with my daughter. She chews her clothes so can make a right mess of her t-shirts.

I know it's hard to predict but because my daughter has said random words in the past (this has been spread out quite a lot though) that she'll more likely eventually start to talk or does this not make a difference?


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## happycupcake

Our daughter likes to climb too. We have a bookcase in our living room which she likes to try to climb on. You can't leave her alone anywhere because she hasn't any concept of danger. Our son is less of a little daredevil than his sister. 

I don't know about speech, it's quite an individual thing. Ours were saying random words and have always had a fairly decent vocabulary in this sense but saying words in context is only recently starting to happen more and putting words together and saying short sentences too. But it has been more finding a way to teach them how to do this which makes sense to them, than them being incapable and I think this is probably true of many children on the spectrum. They do tend to parrot everything you say although our daughter tries to say things which clearly mean something to her but it's difficult for us to understand what she's saying. People have thought she was foreign before lol


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## jessicasmum

I worry about the climbing thinking to keep things more minimal, like my husband was thinking of keeping the bunk beds at the house we are moving to for in the bedroom our daughter will be in but I was like thinking no way because of the dangers of her climbing and her not understanding the danger.

It's been a while since she's said a word and sometimes you think she has said something but not sure, it will only be a one random word she will say like daddy or a name of one of the characters on a tv programme, she once said 3 words together "in my tummy" but this was just before she turned 1 and now 2 and half. 
My daughter will make this grissling sound a lot but it's not like she is trying to interact while she does it just off in her own world.


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## smurff

My daughter still talks alot in her own language but her speech is improving daily, she can now say sentences but sometimes they don't relate to anything and she says them when she's off in her own little world. She can now ask me questions but when i ask her a question i don't genually get a reply.
As for the climbing my daughter doesn't really climb anything, but in saying that she does just suddenly start doing things which is why we have to be watchful at all times now. When i picked her up from school yesterday the teacher came to speak to me to tell me she had put a paper clip in her mouth, luckily enough a teaching assistant seen her do this and told her to take it out which she did but shes never done this in school before. 
I also have to have every window i my house locked because i worry about her climbing up to the window and opening it plus all doors are locked and keys locked away so she can't get out. I agree with you on the bunk beds, i could never have them in her bedroom cause she would climb and just jump as she has no awareness of dangers , or she'd wake in the night and climb up and i d never know.


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## jessicasmum

Smurff: That's good your daughter has started saying some sentences, what techniques do you think helped her to start talking more? Was the speech therapists helpful?

I think with my daughter only being 2 and half still and at playgroup that maybe people thinking this chewing thing is still because of her age and there isn't as many dangers at all what she could chew there.

Can I ask how you both have dealt with toilet training? We haven't attempted to start yet because of no communication from her would prove quite difficult.


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## smurff

My daughter started speech therapy at at 2 years old but the speech therapist thought she needed more intense help and recommended us to a child development clinic which she went to 3 mornings a week and then her nursary 2 mornings a week. The child development clinic was a class of 6 children to 3 teachers so more one to one help and instead of seeing her speech therapist once every 6 wks she got her very own speech therapist and seen her once a week. Now with her being in her special class at school alot of the children need help with speech so a theripst goes in school once a week also, plus some of the kids understand she has a delay and they help her with words and all the teachers and learning assistants she's with everyday are also trained to help with speech. Her brother who's nearly 3 also helps her, the other day we were walking home from school and he stopped and stood in front of her her and kept saying we're home we're home and he wouldn't stop saying it till she repeated it back, when she did he gave her a hug and said well done you said it!!!, I was so proud of him and he's a big help. :happydance:
As for toilet training this is where i need help!, My daughter isn't toilet trained and in pull ups. They are special pull ups for her age that look like pants and after a certain age you are entitled to free pull ups. We tried pottys and toilets but she hated them and got upset so we left it, when she was 3 we tried again but she was still screaming and getting upset. We even tried cold turkey but she held herself for over 5 hrs and we couldn't push it anymore as that's dangerous. In the last few months she has started to sit on the toilet in school which is a massive step forward, (they have Thier own private toilet and shower that's just off thier classroom and it's just for them), her brother is potty training now so we're hoping she'll try to copy him . We'll probably wait till warmer weather and try letting her run round with no pull up on but she's very private and doesn't like not having pull up on so we'll see. Her teachers in school are also helping aswell


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## happycupcake

The danger thing is probably what concerns me the most. Our son has more awareness than our daughter but he hasn't any awareness of say, stranger danger, for example. I taught him about road safety as best I can, he knows to wait for the green man and stuff, although I don't know if he is aware of quite how dangerous cars can be. But our daughter literally hasn't any awareness. It's completely lost on her. 

We haven't toilet trained them because they don't communicate to a level where they understand. We have tried, but it's still lost on them! Hoping this will change soon though. 
Speech & language are amazing. In fact, I wish we were still having sessions with them because I felt more confident with their support. I guess because they spend so much time doing this, since it's their job, they have this wonderful way of tapping into how your child will learn best


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## jessicasmum

Smurff: that sounds good that your daughter was referred to the child development centre, I think something like this would be great for my little girl but I'm not sure of what resources are available yet in my area.
Awww that is lovely of your little boy, how clever he is to think to do that to help his sister :D

Happycupcake: How long ago did the speech therapist sessions finish for your children? Are they only for a set age that they can come?


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## happycupcake

I don't know, they seem to refer them around nursery age though and I would assume the main reason is probably parent concerns being confirmed by nursery since most children attend nursery. It's quickly flagged up in many cases. 
They saw our children for about three sessions each, I don't know if they will have anymore. Will ask the paediatrician when we see him next. I think our daughter will probably see them more at some point because she didn't cotton onto things as well as her brother, who is almost a year older. 
They didn't see my eldest since he was already a teenager when he was diagnosed. He wasn't seen before because everyone I expressed my concerns to shrugged it off


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## jessicasmum

3 times doesn't seem many, hopefully paediatrician will say they will get more. Do they see the paediatrician that often?

That must of been tough with your son them not taking your concerns seriously. Do you mind me asking is your son classed as high functioning?


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## happycupcake

I know this is what I'm thinking, so I'm hoping they will have more sessions in time. We see the paediatrician every six months ish, so isn't frequently but then I don't know what else he does except for assess the current situation and refer accordingly, so I guess we don't have any reason to see him more? I don't know. It's probably slightly different in different areas though.

My eldest is diagnosed with an ASD with Asperger's traits, like I am. They explained this as high functioning. I suspect our daughter will be similar, but I think our youngest son is different. He and my eldest at the same ages are worlds away. We didn't have any issues toilet training him, and his speech was fine except for pronouncing certain words. He wasn't behind in any of his milestones so it didn't flag up for us right away. He was fussy with foods from an early age but there wasn't anything else until he was a little older and started to become obsessive with things, then there were issues with sensory things between nursery and infants which started concerns for us. 
With our youngest son he hit certain milestones fine, like sitting up, crawling, walking etc. these were all fine, but his speech was the first thing we saw. He wasn't hugely interested in toys or imaginative play and didn't bother with other children. He doesn't currently as well. But our daughter is different, she does enagage in imaginative play for example, which is good. She hit most milestones ok except for speech and was behind with sitting unaided and eating solids (she refused until she was about 8/9 months). However both of them don't communicate efficiently and this leads to other issues like toilet training and understanding danger etc.


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## smurff

A few days ago my son's nursary pulled me to one side and said they are referring him to speech therapy, I've was shocked and upset and thought I'd failed both my children in some way as they both now have probs with speech and I'm also getting a horrible niggly feeling that my son will be on the spectrum, it's strange because at home he speaks ok, i can have conversations with him i can ask questions and he answers, his speech is clear he understands instructions and can carry out tasks i ask him to do. Since starting nursary he's gone from about 50 words to about 100-150. But in nursary he doesn't speak, they have only heard say about 3 words, doesn't interact at all. I'm hoping it's just because he's shy. He is the most fussiest eater I've ever seen, i think in the last few months he's eaten a meal I've put infront of him about 5 times. He hit all his milestones on time, does imaginative play aswell. I explained to the nursary that his sister doesn't interact very much so really my son hasn't had anyone to play with which could be why he's behind. 
Just can't shake this nagging worry though, don't get me wrong if he is then he is, it won't change anything and we'll deal with it just like we have with his sister but i never thought there'd be a chance I'd have to go through it again with my son.


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## happycupcake

Smurff, your son certainly doesn't sound behind. I think this sounds more like he's adjusting to life at nursery which is rather different from home! At home he's in his little comfort zone, as we all are, and like every single person on the planet we alter how we are when put in different situations because we have to. It's instinct. I mean, you wouldn't be the same at home at school or your job or on a night out with friends, would you? So logically, it makes perfect sense he would behave differently at nursery. This may last the whole time, or it may be until he finds his feet properly there. He's in with a bunch of people he doesn't know properly and hasn't had a chance to build trust with, he is out of his safety zone. You remember your first day at school? Most people felt a little frightened, apprehensive, until they found their place there. It isn't any different for your son. 
To me, it sounds as if he's doing fabulously! Also bear in mind that some children aren't cut out for nursery/school and generally feel out of place there. It doesn't mean eventually they won't feel more confident, but it can take longer than some. Some children are by nature more confident in these situations but I would think most children are more shy.
You haven't failed your children anyway, if you had failed then you wouldn't be posting ;)


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## jessicasmum

Happycupcake: your younger son sounds like my daughter with the speech, doesn't play with toys or imaginary play. The only thing is she will like to sort of play rough play sometimes with our eldest daughter but that's the only time she'll play at all with anyone is like that.
I'm sorry if you have already mentioned this but how old is your youngest son? Has he not been given a diagnosis of high or low functioning yet?

Smurff: I totally agree with happycupcake, your son doesn't sound behind. My eldest was referred to speech and language and had a few sessions and they were even trying to say that she might have to go to a special school or class which I thought was a joke because she hadn't even seen a paediatrician once only a speech therapists and health visitor. There wasn't anything wrong though, all she did was talk fast and other people other than me and hubby couldn't always understand her. She's fine now, can still talk fast at times but no issues at all. I think a lot of children are get a bit of help from speech and language these days I think because when we were viewing my youngest daughters playgroup they said that a few that attend have a speech therapists coming in.
I echo that you have definitely not failed your children, you sound like you are doing a great job to me :hugs:

We have finally got an appointment for my daughter's speech and language therapist, it went to our new address which we haven't properly moved into yet, so only seen it yesterday, it's for 28th April so not too far off.


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## smurff

Thanks happycupcake and Jessicasmum, think i was having a down day, At the time i was told about him being referred there were another 3 parents being referred also. The head nursary teacher was so nice when i filled out the referal forms because she knows i suffer with anxiety and we have been through speech and language with my daughter. She explained that he's in the bracket of a 2-3yr old and although my son is only 2 he's closer to 3 so that's why he's classed as slightly behind. Funnily enough he hasn't stopped talking all day!. I think they have to help him on his confidence and get him to interact a bit more. He can do it, ive seen pics of him in nursary sat in a circle taking in turns with his friends stiring flour in a mixing bowl. My dad went in and did a talk at his nursary a while ago and all the time my son sat at the back in the corner and wouldn't talk or look at his grandad yet last week when my dad came round home to put a cabinet together he said hello grandad grandad build cabinet i help build cabinet with grandad. Hopefully once he gets his confidence everything will fall into place.

Jessicasmum, good luck for the 28th, hope it all goes ok, keep us updated :flower:


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## jessicasmum

Glad you are feeling better about things now Smurf, your son sounds like he's doing great really and I'm sure he'll soon catch that little bit up soon enough. I think sometimes they can be a bit over the top with making parents worry about their children not meeting their age range, it's only a guideline really what they say they need to be doing.

Had an hard time with my little girl last couple of days with her having bad meltdowns and it so hard because she can't tell us.
I wondered how you ladies deal with the meltdowns with your children when they were none verbal?

Thank you Smurf, yes I will update you guys after we have the appointment, it really can't come quick enough this appointment.


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## smurff

It's so hard dealing with meltdowns, my daughters aren't so regular now but when she has one we know about it. A few weeks back my daughter got out the car to walk into school, it's only a 5 min walk, she likes to hold things and that day she had a magazine, unfortunately she dropped the magazine and it landed near dogs mess so there was no way I could give it to her, to say she had a meltdown us an understatement, she dropped to the pavement and wouldn't stand, she started hitting her head on the stone wall, she screamed hysterically and no matter how much I tried I could not mover her. I had about 5 bags hanging off me and my son hold aswell, luckily enough he's seen it before and he just keep telling her it was OK and not to cry. All the parents at school kept looking at me but no one offered to help, I couldn't care less about them looking at me but they were staring at my daughter and I kept thinking she's not a bloody side show she can't help it!, after about 20 mins I managed to get her into school, she just kept sitting on the pavement all the way to school. I got her into school and 1 of the helpers is always waiting at reception to collect her and take her to class, normally my daughter goes up to her takes her hand and off she goes but I just couldn't calm her, I'm in tears as I hate seeing her like that, I'm surpossed to help her and protect her and I couldn't do anything for her. the helper went to get help and her teacher came up with a magazine for her and that was it, my daughter smiled took the teachers hand waved goodbye and off she went. I'm left in reception a blubbering mess. 
Last week we had another epic meltdown but luckily enough it was at home, she wanted something she couldn't have and once again dropped to the floor hitting her head on the table leg screaming and crying, my mums panicking cause she's never seen her have a meltdown, I'm trying to lift my daughter off the floor but it's getting harder as she's nearly 5 now, plus when she's likes that she doesn't know what she's doing and she can quite easily give u a black eye or cracked nose, all I could do is drag her out the kitchen cause she was going to hurt herself. Got her in the front room and threw a blanket over both of us and held her tight till she calmed down, just rocking her and wispering in her ear. She always goes under a blanket if she needs time out as it just blocks everything out for her. 

I can normally tell if a meltdown is coming, as soon as I see one coming I try to distract her straight away. She loves Mr tumble so I put that on straight away and I let her choose which one she wants, or I take her in another room and find something for her to play with, she loves my phone so I just put that infront of her and let her watch some cartoons for a while. 
I was always told, the best thing to do is get them somewhere where they can't hurt themselves and leave them to work their way through it, not helpful I know and obviously horrible to see but once they have had the meltdown and are OK again they probably don't even remember what it was about in the first place. :flower:


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## happycupcake

Both our two like rough play at times, they find it hilarious. However our daughter will randomly hit our son though, which she finds funny but he isn't amused. 
Our youngest son is almost five, his birthday is this month. He hasn't been diagnosed as higher or lower functioning, only as having an ASD. They put it under this these days, rather than Asperger's and stuff. At this moment in time I wouldn't say he's particularly high functioning but I also wouldn't say he's at the more severe end of the scale, I think because they are so young there's time for things to change so perhaps after he's had help things will be clearer. 
We also have an appointment this month the day before your speech & language appointment, I hope it goes well for you :)

Meltdowns are hard. Both of ours have them daily, our daughter will simply scream and cry, she may bite herself or hit others as well. A cuddle usually calms her down but it takes a while.
Our son will launch himself to the floor, kick, scream, shout (which becomes slightly embarrassing when he shouts "GET OFF ME" because I'm paranoid people will assume I'm abducting him or something!), I have had to carry him outstretched screaming his head off on plenty of occasions. Sometimes I will sit with him, be it at home or in the middle of a shop, until he calms down. Sometimes I have to leave him alone, sometimes a cuddle will do the trick, sometimes a distraction like my phone will instantly snap him out of it and this is the case with our daughter as well. They love watching their favourite CBeebies show on YouTube and they also love Talking Tom. Oh and touch is something with our son - he loves having his back or soles of his feet stroked, and sometimes this will calm him down. We also have a dog who helps too. 
I don't know if you have heard of autism dogs? The waiting list is monumental but it's worth looking into as they can do wonders for autistic children and adults, many a time autistic children can find it easier to bond to animals than people. We don't have an autism dog, we researched into various breeds and chose the breed we felt suited us best and have been training her. We hope to at some point train her to do specific things to help bring them out of meltdowns.

I can't stand people staring. We have had people give us filthy looks on so many occasions and I do tend to be fairly vocal about this. I usually do say something to those who do this, along the lines of it isn't their fault, they are autistic, or haven't you seen an autistic child have a meltdown before? Or, if you don't like it, **** off, which I shouldn't say but sometimes I have become so angry with these ignorant people. This has happened literally once or twice, I do try to contain my rage at them. It is incredibly frustrating though, knowing it is purely ignorance and if they were to listen to you, they may be slightly more understanding


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## smurff

Happycupcake how do you deal with it when your daughter hits your son?, My daughter also hits her brother, she chases him with toys and hits him on the head. Luckily enough I'm always in the same room as them as we have an open plan living area so i can generally stop her doing it straight away but the more i tell her off the more she finds it hysterically funny.

And I'm with u and the staring part, drives me insane when people look. I didn't say anything outside my daughter's school cause i worry bout kids saying stuff about my daughter in school just because of what i say but in the street I'm terrible for shouting at people who stare, a few times my daughter has been getting upset and people have stared and turned to look as they walk past so if I'm with my husband i tell him to look after our daughter and I'll run down the street to the idiot that stared and ask excuse me but what the f**k do u think u were staring at does it not enter that tiny brain of yours that something's wrong and the last thing she needs is you staring at her!. I find some older people worse , if i hear a old person say oh in my day we wouldn't put up with that I'll go mad, I've heard a few say there's no such thing as autism just bad parenting!!!!!, Luckily enough no one's ever said that to me cause honestly i don't know what I'd do if they did. 
I understand that people are going to look if they hear or see a child screaming and having a meltdown but normally you'd understand something was wrong and stop looking straight away, it's the people who tut and keep looking that makes my blood boil!

We also looked at an autism dog but like you say the waiting list at the mo was 3yrs and they had closed the list. They recommended getting a dog that could be trained to become an autism dog, we decided on a golden retriever and we were top of a waiting list for a puppy , the lady we were getting them from has actually had some of her puppies go on to become autism dogs and guide dogs. As my hubby works away alot and I'm on my own with the kids we decided to wait a few years till hubby was home more perminatly till we got one but i. Starting to regret taking our name off the list!. Has it help having a dog in your family ? I think the fact that id have to take the dog out and toilet train it and plus we could never be spontaneous and just go away for a few days that ask put me off. When my daughter has been around dogs she shys away but in her own time she will go up to a dog and smooth it down. I still am so unsure of what to do when it comes to a dog for her, I'm not sure how it will help


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## jessicasmum

We've not had anyone look at us yet over our little ones melt downs but we haven't been out much in public places yet and With her only being still only a toddler I think people will still just think just normal toddler temper tantrums but I'm expecting these times will come soon and I don't know how I would act towards them, depends probably my mood and amount of patients I feel I have at the time but I know I would be screaming inside no matter what.

I think at the moment because our little girl is still quite young and not been given any diagnosis yet that others are just going to talk round her issues, like for example my family: mum, dad and sisters have seen her at my parents and like straight away because she's crying because she doesnt feel comfortable there most of the time are like saying "oh she must be tired" things like that. I think I was myself making excuses in the past but now I'm not. I think it will so much easier especially with my family once she gets a diagnosis so I will be explain to them proper.

I've taken a look at the autism dog and I think it seems such a great thing with the stories I've read but there is one big issue with our family having a dog as I have a massive dog phobia which has taken over my life to be honest and restricts me going to most places, so something I really need to sort out. If it's something that would make a massive difference to my little girls life then I'd do anything in my power to overcome this horrible phobia.


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## smurff

Doesn't have to be a dog, I've seen lots of programmes where it's a cat that helps the child, i think alot of animals have a sixth sense when it comes to people who need comfort and help, sometimes just the feel of an animal close by can help, smoothing down an animal can also be very calming


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## jessicasmum

We did have a cat and recently sent him to be rehomed because we were moving. My little girl didn't pay loads of attention to him and he seemed scared of her. 
She has only been near a dog once that I've known about when she was at the park with my hubby and our eldest and my hubby said she was very excited when the dog was next to her, so not sure if this was a one off or she would be like that with other dogs.


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## happycupcake

Smurff, I do what you do, I stop her. She doesn't tend to find it funny when I stop her as much these days but will get annoyed with me instead. But I always tell her it isn't ok to hit. I don't know if she understand this. Play therapy has helped them to tolerate each other and share more and take turns better, although they do this more with the lady who visits than with us! They have improved though, on the whole. 

I tell you what Facebook saw some pretty awful posts about autism a while back, I can't remember whose post it originally was, but there were so many ignorant people commenting saying things like "if it were my kid they wouldn't behave like that, it's the parent's fault" and "give the kid a beating, that will sort them out"... like you can beat the autism out of a child! I was so angry. I posted precisely what I thought and attempted to give them an education on autism, I'm sure it didn't do much good because some people are stupid plain and simple. 

Puppies do take plenty of energy, you are right definitely! We had ours from 7 weeks old (they advise pups leave at 8 weeks but during this particular week for some reason puppies are more susceptible to developing lifelong phobias, so if anything should drastically change or frighten them in any way, it could mess things up for them, and you too, so getting them before this week or after is preferable), she was like a newborn at the time with how tiny and dependent she was. My goodness though the speed they grow is amazing! She's seven months old currently and is the size of an average lab. Plenty of room left to grow, so we expect a horse this time next year lol! She's a labradoodle, they were originally bred in Australia for assistance dogs specifically for those with allergies as they are hypoallergenic (after they have their adult coat, before this they do malt everywhere), they are highly intelligent, easily trained, excellent temperaments and good with children and smaller pets. 
She has lived up to the reputation so far, although she is largely a bouncy puppy still! Overexcitable and wants to make friends with our cats, who naturally, are less than impressed with this. 
We got her from a reputable breeder, visited first and met all the puppies, both parents and the grandmother too. The lady said she has had many go on to become assistance dogs in particular for those with autism so this was lovely to hear. 
I think if you can spare the time to train them (toilet training is easier than you may think, it doesn't usually take long providing you take them outside from day 1 onwards), they don't usually take long to learn basic commands and you can take puppy classes too (they are about £30 here per six week course). 
It all depends on the breed but labs, retrievers, labradoodle all have excellent reputations.
It has helped having her, yes. The only thing to watch out for I think is the nippy stage as obviously some children will freak out. 
Our daughter is a little shy with animals but spending time with them eventually she warms to them.

Jessicasmum, my mum doesn't acknowledge autism in any way and it is frustrating to say the least, and somewhat offensive too. I don't know why she doesn't.
With the dog, this must be difficult for you. Have you thought about hypnotherapy? Smurff is right though, doesn't have to be a dog, any animal which your child loves can be equally as therapeutic, if this is your main goal


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## jessicasmum

Sorry I haven't posted for a while but was having a few problems of my own, I have mental health issues which is bipolar type 2 that and my phobias too, we have just moved and I've been having quite low moods and not much motivation recently but I'm feeling not too bad at the moment.

My little girl had her speech and language therapist assessment yesterday and she's going on a waiting list which she said is short to have sessions at playgroup and home. The assessment lady said that it is more than just a speech problem and I said yes and she said what was I thinking, i said autism and then she nodded her head, I felt like crying because it's just been me so far that has said this. She said that she can't diagnose and just to keep an open mind, she said most people don't like labels, but my view is I think giving a name to something is better because you can start to understand things more rather than a big list of individual things wrong, also I think easier to explain to others too.

Happycupcake: How did the your child/children's appointment go on Thursday?
Oh that must be so hard with your Mum, did she not go to appointments regarding your diagnoses then?

My husband went to see his mum yesterday and was trying to explain about the appointment but mother in law is terrible, she thinks she knows it all and you can't get a word in. I really think hubby needs to tell her it's looking like it is autism but I don't know if this would change anything. The way she is there is no way I'd let my little girl be looked after by her.
I said to hubby that what does he think now that someone else has sort of agreed with me over it being autism and he said I think I was just in denial.


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## smurff

Hi jessicasmum glad your feeling better, i to have some mental health issues, i have horrible ocd and anxiety problems, just waiting to see doc to finally get some help. 

I can totally relate to how you must have felt when assesment lady thought the same as you. I'd known in my head my daughter was autistic for a few years, nobody thought the same as me and kept saying she'll catch up but i knew i was right. 
When i was pulled into the office of my daughter's special teacher at the child development clinic i asked her did she think autism, when she said yes i swear you could have knocked me down with a feather , i burst into tears and just crumbled, even now remembering that moment is still upsetting, i could'nt understand why i was so shocked as I'd known it all along but to have it said out loud by someone else just made it all real. 
I agree with you, I've had lots of people telling me that they don't like labeling children at a young age but i don't see it as a label at all, i find it a big help giving what my daughter has a title. In certain circumstances i do have to explain about my daughter, I'm so tired of saying oh she has development delay, sensory issues, autistic features, speech delay . Now i can say this is my daughter and she has autism, it's alot better for my daughter as she can get alot more help. 
I am very lucky in the fact that i have an amazing family who help and support my daughter and can totally understand her needs, they know if they can go to her to say hello or when to just stand back and let her come to them, the same with my husbands family aswell. 
Has your husband not mentioned autism to his mum at all?,. It must be very hard not having family behind you because you do need that extra support. To be honest if it was me I'd explain about your previous fears of autism and that you have possibly had it confirmed by your assessment lady, if she didn't accept it then that's her problem.


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## happycupcake

Jessica's mum, I'm sorry you have been having a hard time of it. I somewhat understand since I have MH problems too. It isn't always as easy as get out of bed, be motivated! Sometimes it doesn't happen. I understand this and it's rubbish when it's like this. 

Have you settled into your new home yet? I hope so. 

I'm pleased your daughter's appointment went ok, I guess it was a relief that someone understood and listened? It was for me. 

We had to rearrange the appointment for him since he was suffering with his constipation and there wasn't any way I was dragging him there in pain. 
My mum didn't attend any of my appointments, my husband came with me. She didn't attend or get involved with the children regarding this as well. She doesn't accept it. I don't know why. We haven't spoken since February, she won't acknowledge me.

To both of you, have you thought about trying acupuncture for any MH issues? I use it for anxiety and it is amazing, by far the most helpful treatment I have tried


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## smurff

Hi happycupcake, I never thought about acupuncture for anxiety, I didn't know that could help, to be honest I'm willing to try anything. It's got to a point where I have had to give up driving because I am convinced everytime I pass someone on the pavement that I've run them over!, sometimes I can drive round the block 6/7 times until in my mind I know I didn't knock anyone over. it's so stupid I know but it's the horrible thoughts, I'm so over protective on my children, I can't look at numbers or water I wash my hands 20 times an hour, believe me the list goes on and on. 

I can't understand why family members have trouble accepting things, children with autism are so special and it's amazing how they see the world. I find it so hard to understand how family members and just turn thier backs because they can't accept things. It's really sad because they have no idea about the special times they are missing


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## happycupcake

Yes acupuncture can be an absolute godsend, I rate it highly. It can take a few sessions to help but some respond quicker than others - I felt a huge difference after my first session and didn't have to take meds from that day. It's expensive but it's worth it. Unless you are lucky and have a GP who practices it, or is willing to refer you instead of having to have private sessions.

I don't understand, some people are weird. Autism doesn't make you a weirdo or someone to be ashamed of, it simply means your brain does things differently and you see and communicate with the world differently. Different doesn't equal shame or anything like it, but some people don't see that. They see it as an effort, a disability which will be impossible, or something that makes you stupid or lesser in some way. Sod them, they can keep their ignorance


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## smurff

Couldn't have said it better myself happycupcake, at the end of the day they are the ones missing out, they see the world in such a special way, sometimes I think its us at a disadvantage not autistic children.


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## happycupcake

I love that our little girl is incredibly clever, her speech is incredibly delayed but she's a problem solver. So, she may sound as if she speaks some alien language, but she is intelligent. Her only issue is being able to talk clearly, which must be frustrating for her


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## smurff

Ah your little girl sounds amazing, and your right it must be so frustrating for them to not be able to say what they need. I think my daughters speech is around an 18mth old stage (she's nearly 5) and although she can say lots of things it's mostly just thing means her dad can understand and the majority of the time she does talk in her own language but we're so good at picking out words that we can genuinely understand what she wants, only yesterday she was a bit upset and tired and kept asking for something and for the first time I couldn't understand what she wanted and it was so upsetting cause she was looking at me and trying very so hard to try to say her words. 
She is a problem solver as well, if she is doing something or trying to fix something you cannot get her away from it till she's solved it. She loves jigsaws, she has a box which Contains 3 jigsaws and they are all mixed in together, she sorts out all the pieces first just by looking at them them compleat's them all in about 5 minutes


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## happycupcake

Our daughters sound quite similar, I would put our daughter's speech at about 18 months too. She can say many words but struggles putting sentences together and telling us what she wants. I think we inadvertently make this harder because we intuitively know what she wants or what the issue is and can sort it, many a time. Sometimes we haven't a clue though and it is rubbish when this happens. 
She's more for taking jigsaws apart lol she likes tidying them away


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## happycupcake

We had the appointment for our youngest daughter today with the paediatrician. They diagnosed her today with an ASD. This hasn't come as a surprise


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## jessicasmum

Sorry yet again not posting for ages, just how my moods can make it hard to be able to post sometimes, I'm not being rude if anyone sees me on here and I just don't post, just how I get at times.

My daughter had her first paediatrician appointment on Thursday and she said she also thinks it's autism and she will be assessed for it now and she normally says 6 months to find out but should be before that. She's being assigned to a specialist health visitor now. She said to apply like we were going to for the nursery within the school that we need to apply for in January next year for her to start in September 2018 but I asked and she said she might have to go to a special needs school.
Yet again I already knew she had autism but it's hitting me hard, having a lot of crying moments recently.
Hubby told his mum and she was actually ok about it but I'm not sure she knows much about ASD.

Happycupcake: Sorry I realised I didn't answer from one of your previous posts about hypnotherapy over my dog phobia, I've looked into it but never tried it, obviously not something they will give you on the nhs. I've had quite a lot of CBT but that wasn't really for me.
I've never heard of acupuncture for anxiety either, something to keep in mind. How often have you had it done?
How do you feel now it's been confirmed about your daughter having ASD? Myself I feel bad for being upset about it because she's still my little girl and I'll love her no matter what.

Smurff: Sorry you also suffer quite bad with anxiety etc :( Have you had much different therapys to help?

Do either of you recommend any good sensory toys/equipment thats really helped your children? My daughter at the moment spends most of the time upstairs with hubby while I'm with the baby downstairs, she feels calmer up there bouncing about on matteress and I'm thinking we can't live like this and wanted to see if reorganising downstairs and getting some sensory things that would make it more calmer for her to be downstairs also, we have a middle room downstairs that we could turn into a bit of a play/sensory room.


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## happycupcake

Don't feel guilty for how you feel. It's natural to feel overwhelmed by this, it isn't something to take lightly. It isn't a negative thing as well, but it can be daunting even if you already suspect it. 

I have had at least six sessions a few years ago privately with acupuncture and my GP also gave me a few sessions as she does it too. Currently I am having weekly sessions privately and the acupuncturist comes to my home to do them as I'm more comfortable here. I have had four or five I think, I can't remember. They are useful. I struggle with agoraphobia so getting outside is hard, and getting outside by myself is harder. I haven't been out by myself for months and months until a week ago today, where I went into town on my own Saturday afternoon and handed out some flyers to help out a friend of my husband. Being on the spectrum myself, my social skills are rather limited, and I generally can't stand being in any social situation. However, I dealt with it and spoke to literally hundreds of people in the space of about an hour. Brief interactions are easier for me, but this wasn't an easy task! Before the acupuncture I wouldn't have done this. I still have panic attacks but I think I am dealing with them better than before, and although I do still take medication, I don't always feel I have to, it's more out of worry if I don't take it my anxiety will bite me in the backside. Anyway, it's definitely worth trying out. Some places do it on the NHS but this is hard to come by. 

I'm fine with her diagnosis. I completely expected this outcome. The thing I'm pleased about and somewhat relieved about is the fact she said she wasn't sure whether our daughter is more mild or moderate because she's too young to determine this for the time being. But this to me means she isn't severely on the spectrum, so hopefully with time and the right approach, she should be able to catch up in her learning and should be able to lead a pretty regular life. This is my only concern! I want her to lead as regular a life as possible, I don't like to imagine her having severe struggles in her life. So this gives me confidence. 
I love her little quirks and weirdness, she wouldn't be her without them.

I think every child is different and will enjoy and learn different things in different ways. The national autistic society gives some good ideas for toys. Our children love cars (they enjoy spinning their wheels), they love the thing where the cars travel down levels (I don't mean a garage, although they love this too, this is a wooden toy where the cars go in a downward zigzag, I can't remember what it's called!), they love blocks and lego because they enjoy making towers and houses, our daughter loves dolls and engages in imaginative play well with them because she pretends to feed them and put them to bed, she also likes dressing up. They both love technology and can use tablets easily, you can find lots of apps designed with autism in mind. They like looking at books but don't understand them. They like puzzles sometimes, although our daughter prefers to take them apart. They love bubbles and playing with water, they also enjoy drawing although more our daughter. Our son is obsessed with cars and train tracks, he also likes the children's BB guns... although this requires ducking on our part lol! 

I don't know if this is of any help.

Quite random but... our daughter, when walking in the wind will walk backwards so the wind blows in her face and our son literally screams in excitement when he sees a fly or a moth or any other small flying creature, accompanied by chasing it and then trying to play hide and seek with it... anyone else? Oh and our son is also obsessed with ants and will cry if he sees an ant which then disappears, crying out "ant, where are you ant? AAAAANT!", we are thinking of buying him an ant farm


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## smurff

Hi, of course it's going to hit you hard, like I've said before I knew my daughter was probably autistic but when someone else said they thought it to if felt like I'd been hit by a ton of bricks and then when they said about her needing specialist school it completely finished me and I also cried for days. I initially thought what life will she have, what would happen if me or hubby wasn't around. I soon learned not to think about the future as no one knows what will happen. At the end of the day no matter what she's still our princess and I love her unique ways. Infact I envy her sometimes, she's in a world of her own and she's always happy and smiling and very loving, she knows nothing about the horrible things that happen in this world and I often think she's the lucky one. As for the specialist school, I think I've said before how amazing it is and I'm so happy she's there and not In mainstream. 
We've already been told she's autistic but the official testing for us starts next month but the testing will be done and official results back in about a month. We also have her genetic testing back in August. 

If you go on to Amazon site and put in autistic toys or autistic aids there are lots of things there to buy, my daughter loves the long stand up tubes filled with water and fake fish, it changes colour and has lots of bubbles, apparently fish are very calming for children and it certainly is for my daughter. 

I finally went docs a few weeks back and I have an anxiety disorder which has caused OCD. I'm on sertraline daily and awaiting counciling. I'm noticing a difference already, I've still got a very long road to go but I feel calmer and I'm thinking more rationally. 

Hope you feel better soon x


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## smurff

Hi jessicasmum how are you doing?


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## jessicasmum

So sorry yet again for my absence :( 

Happycupcake: Thank you :)
That's great that the acupuncture has helped you and that is amazing that you was able to go out on your own to hand the flyers out that's a massive step :D you must be prouf of yourself.
I too would say i had a form of agoraphobia because my dog phobia stops me from going out, I only go out in the car to places I never walk and we have only had a car since October so a long time of not even doing that unless we got a lift or taxis. I wont even go out walking anywhere with hubby :( but after years of debating about hypnotherapy I finally did a session on father's day, i was emailing the therapist woman a week before hand and was saying about all my issues not just my phobia and she said to do the phobia first. I'm not sure if it's worked really because I've not put anything practice but hubby thinks he could tell I was different calmer when i came out and also when we go out for drives he thinks I'm a bit different. I think maybe it might of helped a little but I don't feel totally over my phobia like I feel I might be ok near certain dogs like I think maybe my sister's dog which is a springer spaniel and maybe my brother in law's dog which is a mongrel, I'm thinking more more less fierce dogs possibly but I'm pretty sure i wouldn't be ok near staffs and german shepherds etc.
That is my fear also that if my daughter was classed on the severe end of the spectrum but even though she's not been diagnosed yet I do feel that she isn't severe, if I would have to say i feel she's more moderate because I dont think things are mild enough because she isn't talking yet which I'm hopefully that she will because she'll say random word now and again even her playgroup teacher said last week that she said "no" to her so she is showing signs that she will talk. Do you mind me asking how old your daughter is?
I've noticed with toys/items that interest my daughter and digital numbers and letters, she has a truck thing that has a little screen on it that's musical as well that lights up digital figures which is the only toy she'll play with, she also loves when the titles go up at the end of a program on the tv and obsessed at going up to the screen when me have sky sports news on, our washing machine is digital too so she keeps pressing it that and the microwave which she is now tall enough to reach. She likes touching my tablet screen but I dont think is at the stage yet of knowing how to work apps but I'm thinking about buying her a tablet for her 3rd birthday in September.

Smurff: Thank you for asking how I am, sorry for now messaging until now. I'm feeling ok at the moment but still having my moments which I think i will always will do. I do find myself crying sometimes at the most silly things which starts me thinking about my daughter like I was on my own with my youngest and peppa pig was on and I felt upset the thought of that we had our daughter then our youngest 2 years apart so they could play together and with my daughter not paying my youngest any of attention it sort of hit me because i know its a kids cartoon but made me think that they might never play together like I dreamed of.
Can i ask does your daughter ever play with your son or does she not show him that much attention?
Also do you mind me asking have you been told where on the spectrum your daughter is? Or do you have a feeling where she is like me thinking mine is more moderate?
Is the genetic testing you've had suppose to take long for the results?
Glad that you have noticed a difference with you being on the medication, i hope the counciling works also.


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## jessicasmum

Sorry for all my spelling mistakes and wrong words I've put in my post hope you are both able to make sense of it.


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## smurff

hi, i know the heartbreaking feeling your feeling thinking your children may not play together and to be honest its hard to see. there is also 2yrs between my daughter and son, my son tries all the time to play with his sister but if shes not in the mood she will scream at him and push him away and say she doesn't like him. my son is extremely helpful and likes to pass his sister a biscuit and juice sometimes and he will run to give it to her and she will snatch it and tell him to go away. I feel so sorry for him as his face just falls but before my daughter can say anything to him I jump up and down and give him a round of appluse and say thankyou to him and hes very helpful and I try to get his sister to say thankyou aswell.

My son is used to the way his sister reacts now and when he is older we can explain why she reacts the way she does. As for the playing, its getting better but its hit and miss and has taken a while. if my daughter is in a good mood and very cheeky mood they will run around and laugh and play together a lot and they have just started to play ball together aswell. when me and my son pick my daughter up from school he runs to her and tells her hes missed her and gives her a massive hug. If my son isn't with me she always looks for him and doesn't like going out without him and he is very attached to his sister, I'm sure he can sense his sister sometimes needs time on her own, if ever my son has a biscuit or juice he always has to give his sister juice and a biscuit, he doesn't like her being left out and follows her every where. 

As I said before, I can understand your worry and upset but if your children are anything like mine they will play together and have a very special and understanding relashionship , and when they do play together believe me it is all the more special to see. they both love each other so much.

And yes the genetic testing does take a year for results to come through, we were told before we started that we would not know anything for a year, that's if we do find out anything.

I don't know where on the spectrum my daughter will be yet, we got her school report last week and she is doing really well and is emerging on every lesson and is just starting to go to mainstream classes and group teaching. I have her next peadiatrition appointment in august so we'll know more then, but she has now started to do 60 piece jigsaws in about 5 mins without looking at a picture for refrance plus it is a 3d jigsaw, I couldn't compleat it in 20 mins and gave up in the end so I don't know how she did it.

I'm with you on the crying at silly things. I was watching ben and holly the other day and holly broke her wand! I was in tears and then when she fixed it I was upset again because I was so happy for her. I honestly would cry at anything but since taking the medication thankfully that seems to have stopped now. I still have bad moments and I'm hoping in time the tablets will start to work better but I think they take a few months to kick in. I am to worried to go counciling at the moment but in time I may come round to the idea?


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## jessicasmum

Awww your son sounds adorable how he is with your daughter :D That's really good that they have started to play together at times, i really hope that this will be the case also with my youngest 2.

Gosh a year for the genetic testing!

Wow 60 piece puzzle in 5 minutes. She sounds like she is doing so well at her school. I would love for my daughter to go to the autism unit near where we live but I think they have to be more high functioning and i wouldn't at this stage say that my daughter comes under that category. Is the unit that your daughter goes to cater for all levels of autism do you know?

Got my daughter's first speech therapy appointment since the assessment through for 2nd August. Still nothing from the paediatrician side and her playgroup have heard nothing about which I'm so annoyed as this is surely going to hold her diagnosis up, she finishes playgroup for the summer holidays tomorrow as well.

Can i ask how you deal with the holidays? Like do you plan activities/keep to a routine to keep your daughter busy? Just a long time the summer hoildays and really worried what my daughter will be really disrupted being use to going playgroup and dreading September when she goes back because it's all changed, she will have different nursery teachers, a different room, want them to wait outside rather than just coming straight in and also starting half an hour later at 9:30, she's so loving her playgroup time at the moment and i dont want all this change to ruin everything.

I know your feeling about not wanting counceling at the moment i keep refusing it when i go see my CPN or whatever he's classed as, I've had CBT and other things before and just not worked for me, i feel i have too much on to deal with this, I've got 3 kids, 1 is a baby 1 got autism and now I've found out my Mum has got cancer which is incurable.
I hope your tablets do start to kick in soon, maybe might need a bit of a higher dose if not.


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