# What happens when you give birth in hospital re: visitors?



## belladonna

I know this is a few months away yet but MIL is insisting that she sees the baby right after its born and this is making me quite uncomfortable already. She says that she wants to wait at the hospital whilst I'm in labour, but I have found out (on one of the leaflets) that they do not allow anyone to wait.

The question is, if everything goes to plan I want to be out of the hospital asap after giving birth and I don't want them coming to our house after as I want to have that special time with just the 3 of us.

What happens after you give birth? Will I be put on a ward for a few hours or in another room? I know that we can't leave until we have the car seat and my parents are bringing that.

You see my parents live 30mins max from the hospital and can be there quite quickly, OH's parents live over an hour away and they drive max 40mph and will take them forever to get there, I don't want to have to wait for them to arrive before we can leave.


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## jazmine18

when i has sophia she was born at 10.55pm, so they took me up to the postnatal ward and my mum had to go, no visitors after a certain time..7pm? i think..and obviously it was past that time, so she came back about 10 in the moring and brought the car seat with her, and while giving birth i was allowed two people in with me, i had my mum and then my nan came for a short while but left,,they have to discharge you and that can take a while though so we didnt actually leave til 7pm the next day and that was with us rushing them!! but i think you can have visitors in the visiting times, but only 2 or 3 and no children except siblings :) xx


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## jackiea85

I was kept on the labour ward for about 6 hours after I gave birth so I wasn't allowed visitors there. They put me on a postnatal ward for 2 days (most people aren't in that long unless complications/c-section) where the rules were meant be no more than 2 visitors but at 1 point I had 4 (my OH, my FIL, my mum and my step-dad) and no one said anything. I think it's one of those things that varies by hospital. Can you get your OH to tell them that you would rather they visited you once you got home? x


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## kerrie24

I think the minimum time you have to stay before being discharged is 6 hours,but that depends on all the checks being well with baby,you,whether you've had a wee since the delivery,etc and how busy they are.I had hoped to get straight out but had to wait till the next day and I was actually glad of the time alone with the baby.visiting times are usually something like 2-7 so you will get some time to yourself.I would say to MIL that nobody is allowed to wait except your partner and if they were you would naturally want your mum not your partners to be there for you.


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## belladonna

I know I shouldn't get worked up over this now- but its really bugged me. Knowing her she will just turn up anyway. 

Could I mention to the nurses that I don't want certain people to visit? Could they just walk in?


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## suzib76

they will be allowed to just walk in to the ward on visiting time hun and i doubt very much that the nurses will have the time to look our for them/try to stop them

how does your OH feel about it? just wondered as it is his mother, and also she sounds totally over the top, but is natural to be excited about a granchild 

i have a similar thing with my grandmother, but this time round i am just going to tell everyone i dont want visitors at the house until i am ready, i am hoping to get out after the 6 hours but of course it all depends on what time the lo's arrive at

only thing i can suggest is getting your oh to have a wee word with her


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## belladonna

The reason I am worried is that she is a very controlling person and I know that she will come in, tell all the doctors and nurses that they don't know what they are doing and basically take over from me. Also I know that when she would visit she wouldn't do anything useful like helping out, but sitting around expecting me to run around after her. Unfortunately OH will not stand up to her, and I know that I won't really be wanting to get into a fight with her just after having a baby!
I've already told her that I didn't want her in the room when I'm in labour as I want it to be just me and OH and as I told her- she wasn't there when the baby was concieved so Shes not going to be there when its born.


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## belladonna

suzib76 said:


> they will be allowed to just walk in to the ward on visiting time hun and i doubt very much that the nurses will have the time to look our for them/try to stop them

Also thats quite worrying that anyone can just walk in and not be questioned as to who they are.


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## suzib76

belladonna said:


> The reason I am worried is that she is a very controlling person and I know that she will come in, tell all the doctors and nurses that they don't know what they are doing and basically take over from me. Also I know that when she would visit she wouldn't do anything useful like helping out, but sitting around expecting me to run around after her. Unfortunately OH will not stand up to her, and I know that I won't really be wanting to get into a fight with her just after having a baby!
> I've already told her that I didn't want her in the room when I'm in labour as I want it to be just me and OH and as I told her- she wasn't there when the baby was concieved so Shes not going to be there when its born.

in that case it might be best just to tell her lol, as for when you go in to have lo, maybe just dont tell her till its allover hehe


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## suzib76

belladonna said:


> suzib76 said:
> 
> 
> they will be allowed to just walk in to the ward on visiting time hun and i doubt very much that the nurses will have the time to look our for them/try to stop them
> 
> Also thats quite worrying that anyone can just walk in and not be questioned as to who they are.Click to expand...

well usually at visiting you just say who you are there to see, i just mean i dont think the nurses would take responsibility and turn her away iykwim


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## Char&Bump-x

When i was in hospital with Kyla (for 3 nights!) the ward had a locked entry system you had to press a buzzer, say who you were there for and the nurses would check with you before letting them in :shrug:

I got quite pissed off though, there was a 2 visitor rule, and two of my friends came in 5 minutes before my mum turned up and they wouldnt let her in unless a friend left..yet the girl opposite me who came after me and didnt even stay overnighth had TWELVE people in at once :growlmad:


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## NIfirsttimer

different hospitals have different policys and procedures...
i had Ruby in a midwife unit (within the hostpital) she was born at 7.39pm, and although i didnt know it, my dad & sister were waiting outside. the midwife knew but didnt tell me until shes been delivered, and id had my stitches etc, and she let them in then, it was about 30mins after ruby was born. i was in a room of my own, and everything happend within that room, ie, i laboured, delivered & then stayed there for 3 nights (roo was jaundiced) while i was in that room in the midwife unit visiting was pretty relaxed, i had lots of people at once etc no probs, but due to my extended stay so that ruby could have some phototherapy for the jaundice, i was then moved to a private room within the normal post natal ward. they had a strict 2 visitors per patient rule, and you had to sign in & out etc.


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## gills8752

I've been very strict on this one. From the moment I knew I was pregnant I said no one will be visiting us straight away. I want it just to be the 3 of us (me, hubby and baby) for at least a couple of days. I've banned anyone from afar coming to visit for the first month (my mum stays 700 miles away and Ive banned her)

If I were you, I wouldn't tell her you've gone into labour. Once baby has arrived and you are comfortable with visitors just explain that it all happened so quickly that you and your oh were just concentrating on making sure the baby was well and delivered safely that you didn't think you let anyone know. And then I would make specific note to mention how wonderfully relaxed it all was and how you are soo pleased it was stress free and how you loved having that special time together first before everyone descended on you.

Be brave, be a bitch, its your baby not anyone elses and you have the right to say how you want things to be! :hugs:


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## Pato

I was in hospital for 5 days...Mon -Fri with DS so I don't know how soon after you can leave. As for the MIL, just don't tell her when you go into labour and hope that it happens at night, that way after LO is born, hubby can call and tell her baby is born but visiting hrs are over so she'll have to wait until next day, that should buy you some time alone with LO. Hopefully you'll be discharged b4 she gets there :haha:
You should make sure she understands no visitors at home for however long you want...


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## FlowerFairy

suzib76 said:


> they will be allowed to just walk in to the ward on visiting time hun and i doubt very much that the nurses will have the time to look our for them/try to stop them
> 
> how does your OH feel about it? just wondered as it is his mother, and also she sounds totally over the top, but is natural to be excited about a granchild
> 
> i have a similar thing with my grandmother, but this time round i am just going to tell everyone i dont want visitors at the house until i am ready, i am hoping to get out after the 6 hours but of course it all depends on what time the lo's arrive at
> 
> only thing i can suggest is getting your oh to have a wee word with her

I have to disagree. You can ask for certain people not to be allowed on the ward. All wards are locked and operate a buzzer system and you have to state who you are,

With my 1st I was having a tough time with his dad and family and I asked that they be told nothing and not let in. There were notes all over the nurses station stating who must not be given any info etc. If I got visitors who were a surprise they were not let in until the nurse checked with me,


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## babybaillie

Is this ur 1st?

If everything goes well, u can leave as soon as the baby has been seen by a paedatrician and had a hearing test. SO will depend on what time of day u deliver. 

WIth my 1st we were made to stay in 5 days.
With my 2nd i had her at 22:16 and got to leave at 1pm, next day. 
With my 3rd i presume it will pretty much be the same depending on what time she is born.

U would need to check with the hospital with regards to visitors. Most allow grandparents to arrive after u have had a shower/tea/toast and u and baby r fed and settled. 

I was lucky my parents came right away after bothe births. OH's parents made no effort to. But i think if they are showing keen, and ur parents do come u dont want to push them away. Think long term how u would feel if it were ur son having a baby. U can make it clear u dont visitors to stay long as ur tired etc. But its always nice to give them the chance to meet the baby. Then they can go and tell everyone they know. They will just be excited about becomin grandparents. try not to exclude them


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## happygal

Ive told everyone that if i will be home shortly after the birth then i dont want any visitors at the hospital as i want sometime time for me and OH to chill out and get to know baby a bit without having to be polite and let other people hold baby when i want to lol :blush:


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## Shifter

All post-natal wards have a buzzed entry system these days but it probably varies from one hospital to another how trusting they are with who they let in. I agree with gills, just don't tell your in laws that labour has started and make sure you get your quiet time.

We planned a home birth and wanted some time alone before visitors and were up front about that during pregnancy. After the birth didn't go as we hoped I was in hospital for 3 days and just my immediate family visited. My c/s was in the evening and MIL had driven up from Essex to be there to support DH and she was let in to see me and Jack on the recovery ward, which I really didn't appreciate. The nurses were about to change my dressings etc and I actually had to ask them to clear the room - I did not want my MIL seeing everything!

After we got home we only let my parents visit for a few days, I had pretty bad PND and was pretty immobile after the surgery, but other family started to get impatient and my dad started to nag about it. For some reason some people just don't get it, they just don't understand why you might want and need some quiet time after the birth, especially if it is quite traumatic.

If it had gone to plan and I'd given birth at home I think I would have been happy to have visitors within a couple of days, but as it was it took nearly 2 weeks for me to be happy to open our doors and even then it was by appointment only!

I'd definitely say that at home you have complete control over visitors as well as all the other fantastic benefits of home births :thumbup:


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## Mum2b_Claire

I was in a birth centre for 2 nights (gave birth at 5.40am saturday and left on sunday afternoon) 
There was an entry system to get into the actual birth centre, but no one checked with us before visitors were allowed to my room (at the birth centre all rooms are for labour, delivery and recovery) but I'd already said only my mum and her partner were to come to the birth centre.


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## Jules

At my hospital you were allowed 3 visitors at a time and no children, unless they were your own children. My OH was allowed to visit from 10am until 9pm and other visitors 4 - 8pm (or something similar).

My MIL was like yours, you would have thought i was giving birth to her child! Tell your OH he's to tell her that you will call her when your ready for visitors! Its your special day you make the rules! 

I had just my OH there during the labour and birth and once we'd had some alone time and rest for couple of hours i couldn't wait for people to come and see my LO so i could show her off, all through the pregnancy i'd been telling people not to come lol but then i was ringing them telling them to hurry up lol. I asked my parents first and then called his mum to come. Its not all just about the baby, you are going through one of the biggest things in your life.


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## Unicus

you need to be strong hun, this isn't something that happens every day. this is yours and your OH special time. if you really feel like you can't stand up to her then i would go with the suggestion of just not telling her that you are in labour. then once in the hospital tell the nurses that you don't want any visitors while you are there (or for how ever long you chose). people can't just walk in and out or materniy wards anymore for the safty of the mothers and the babies. and if you don't want visitors for the first day or 2 when you get home just turn your phone off and don't answer the door. 

your baby, your call x x x x x


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## belladonna

Yes, this is my first so I really don't know what to expect!

I guess I may feel different when the time comes, but at the moment I feel like she is trying to take over completely, she informed me the other day that she is buying the cot and has already picked one out- I'm obviously grateful for any offers of help but I would rather her ask first. Also she has started buying stuff already and I know I'm being silly, but _I_ wanted to buy the first things for my baby.


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## sobersadie

i wud wait and see how you go. After birth they like you to stay at least 6 hours and if you have the baby at night they like you to stay till the morning. Plus the doctor will have to come check baby before you leave and sometimes they get held up and the rounds take forever (i was ready to go home with no.2 at 9am and was still sitting there at 4pm waiting for the doc to check him!!) As for you MIL you will be in a labour room and nobody can just walk in there like they can kinda do on the ward. She wont know what room you are in without asking someone and thye wud come ask you if u wanted her in before they let her in. My hospital said they do get people waiting around for a family member to give birth but they make them go downstairs to the canteen and wont let them wait on the ward. Just tell your midwife no visitors whilst ur in labour room. Or other option is dont tell MIL your in labour!!


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## mrscookie

I was like you, I wanted to be out of hospital ASAP...the same day if possible

I was in for 3 days!!
It dont always go to plan hun, remember that, so just prepare for it either way. As for visitors... just say you dont want any. if people turn up to the hosp, decline them.

x


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## maybebaby3

eek she's picked the cot?!!! it's great that she wants 2 help financially, my parents and in laws paid 4 furniture between them, but it was my choice, they just paid. in hospital i had my oh and mum in the delivery room and my in laws, dad and sis waited outside and then came in after i had been stitched up. they stayed 4 a while then left whilst i had a wash and then i went 2 maternity ward and there all my extended family and friends came 2 visit during visiting hours. this is what i wanted so that was ok but if it isn't what u want u have 2 make it perfectly clear. at the end of the day it's your birth and your baby and if they get upset about it then tough really!


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## rainbowzebra2

belladonna said:


> Yes, this is my first so I really don't know what to expect!
> 
> I guess I may feel different when the time comes, but at the moment I feel like she is trying to take over completely, she informed me the other day that she is buying the cot and has already picked one out- I'm obviously grateful for any offers of help but I would rather her ask first. Also she has started buying stuff already and I know I'm being silly, but _I_ wanted to buy the first things for my baby.

i got round this by taking my mum who let me pick a cot and paid for it (bonus!). When asked I just said "oh I couldnt resist it" or "actually I have already picked out one that I like, hope you dont mind" *sweet smile*. 

Also I got loads of 2nd hand stuff from SIL which i was v grateful for but have put in a cupboard and bought my own stuff. If found out i will just say they were on offer or gifts!


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## Shifter

rainbowzebra2 said:


> belladonna said:
> 
> 
> Yes, this is my first so I really don't know what to expect!
> 
> I guess I may feel different when the time comes, but at the moment I feel like she is trying to take over completely, she informed me the other day that she is buying the cot and has already picked one out- I'm obviously grateful for any offers of help but I would rather her ask first. Also she has started buying stuff already and I know I'm being silly, but _I_ wanted to buy the first things for my baby.
> 
> i got round this by taking my mum who let me pick a cot and paid for it (bonus!). When asked I just said "oh I couldnt resist it" or "actually I have already picked out one that I like, hope you dont mind" *sweet smile*.
> 
> Also I got loads of 2nd hand stuff from SIL which i was v grateful for but have put in a cupboard and bought my own stuff. If found out i will just say they were on offer or gifts!Click to expand...

My MIL refused to buy us anything we wanted but insisted on forcing upon us a second hand infant car seat that we didn't want. We also got a whole load of inevitable powder blue baby clothes after Jack was born - yuck. SIL gave us three carrier bags stuffed full of more of the same to pick out whatever we wanted and then pass on to any other new mums we knew. So the unwanted clothes went straight into the bags!

We've also had a few toys and some weaning spoons and things that we won't have any need for (we're doing BLW, no purées so no need for spoons) that will go to car boot etc.

You can't feel bad for disposing of unwanted gifts, it's better that they go to someone who will get some use out of them.

As for the big stuff, I do think firm words are in order, if those words get ignored and things you don't like are given then simply ask for the receipt, be blunt about it!


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## honeygrl

Your stay will likely all depends on how you are doing afterward. Some people are good to go quickly and some aren't. If you have an epidural, you will end up there a bit longer I think. Most likely, you aren't going to care who is around because you will be too focused on the baby to care at all. With both of mine I ended up with a room entirely full of people the whole day until visiting hours were over. (at the places i delivered, there's no limit on who or how many people are there, plus I'm in the US so it's different)

With my daughter my mom, dad, brother, MIL, FIL, and Brother in law and my cousins AND my aunt ALL came in the room and saw the baby before the goo was even cleaned off and taken to the nursery to be checked. The doctor let them in as soon as he was done stitching up my tear. It was like a freakin party. We all had fun though and I had an epidural so was feeling pretty good.

And honestly, I wouldn't have cared if there were a whole football team in there, I was just happy that it was all over and the baby was well.


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## abster

belladonna said:


> Yes, this is my first so I really don't know what to expect!
> 
> I guess I may feel different when the time comes, but at the moment I feel like she is trying to take over completely, she informed me the other day that she is buying the cot and has already picked one out- I'm obviously grateful for any offers of help but I would rather her ask first. Also she has started buying stuff already and I know I'm being silly, but _I_ wanted to buy the first things for my baby.

Your OH needs to stand up to his mum - you and the baby are his family and if you don't want visitors your wish should be his command. Don't let her take over - it's your child's birth you and you other half have to decide what you want. It's not about the MiL (you seem very aware of this!). Yes she's excited but she needs to get over herself - she's not the one giving birth and she's not the baby's daddy!


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## Lullaby2010

My mother was getting like this. We originally planned a home water birth and she kept insisting that she was going to be there at our house while I was in labour - no matter how many times I told her NO she just kept reminding me that she has a key in case of emergencies (I have uncontrolled epilepsy) and that she could just let herself in!

She came round one day with a breast pump and steriliser that she'd bought without asking if it was okay or what ones I wanted and I ended up making her take them back as they weren't the one's I'd already researched into and picked out.

She bought so many baby clothes that I've told her if she buys any more they'll be taken back to the shops - Ruby already has too many clothes to wear and I've only been able to buy a few items due to the sheer amount she bought, again without asking! She also put a deposit down on a cot without asking and as a consequence lost her money as my father had already asked us what one we had chosen and paid for it for us. We compromised with her by letting her buy the travel system that we then chose together. Since then she's finally started ASKING when it comes to buying things and we usually go together to make choices and purchases etc.

Now, I've had problems with my epilepsy and gestational diabetes, and severe dsp so bad I'm now in a wheelchair and she started trying to insist on being there for my c-section!! Luckily the hospital I'm going to will only allow one birth partner and no-one waiting, which was on a leaflet that I gave her. Other visitors are only allowed during set visiting hours from the day AFTER the c-section, too. So that's a bonus! :D

We've told certain family members that we will let them know when they can visit in hospital, and we've told EVERYONE that we don't want ANYONE at the house after we come home for the first 2 days, then dsd can come on the 3rd day, and we will gradually start letting close family and friends visit from the 4th or 5th day, and then anyone else is welcome after 10 days. However, before anybody comes round they HAVE to contact us first and make sure it is convenient etc as we don't want lots of people at once. Also that we don't want people repeat visiting too often in the first month as we know a lot of people who want to meet Ruby when she is born, and it's not fair on them if they can't visit because so and so is round for the 8th time in a fortnight!! 

We got some resistance at first (mainly from my mother as you can understand) but eventually everyone got used to the idea and I feel much more relaxed about it all now :D

As for you hon, I'd politely but firmly inform your MIL that while you appreciate her efforts and contributions, she has thusfar not taken the opportunity to involve you in decisions about your own child and that you would appreciate what she does much more if she would please ASK before making purchases and even better if she could take you along and discuss with you which items would be best or that you like best etc. That way she would still be involved but in a way that does not involve her taking over.

Also as far as labour and delivery, visiting etc are concerned, I'd tell her that as no one knows how long labour is going to last ie: a matter of hours or a matter of days (my mate's first baby took 3 and a half days of labour to arrive!!!) that you don't plan on telling ANYONE that you're in labour and will inform both sets of parents that your precious bundle has arrived AFTER she has been born and you are both comfortable. 

Whatever happens hon, Good Luck :hugs:


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## Lullaby2010

Wow, didn't realise I'd typed so much!! lol


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## belladonna

Lullaby2010 said:


> Wow, didn't realise I'd typed so much!! lol

Lol! Thats ok, I'm just relieved that I'm not the only one that doesn't want to have too many people around.


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## Rozie_1985

I am really suprised how people feel about their MIL and visitors in general, each to their own. I guess i am just really lucky that mine is lovely and i want her around. I have told everyone they are welcome at the hospital i can't wait to show off our new bundle! Me and OH will have a week to ourselves once out of hospital so my Mum, Dad and Sister will be heading home afterwards (they live 2 hours away) and my Mum will be returning for a week once OH goes back to work. That way we get our time, and i have a helping hand from Mum for the 2nd week. xxx


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## ellismum

belladonna said:


> I know this is a few months away yet but MIL is insisting that she sees the baby right after its born and this is making me quite uncomfortable already. She says that she wants to wait at the hospital whilst I'm in labour, but I have found out (on one of the leaflets) that they do not allow anyone to wait.
> 
> The question is, if everything goes to plan I want to be out of the hospital asap after giving birth and I don't want them coming to our house after as I want to have that special time with just the 3 of us.
> 
> What happens after you give birth? Will I be put on a ward for a few hours or in another room? I know that we can't leave until we have the car seat and my parents are bringing that.
> 
> You see my parents live 30mins max from the hospital and can be there quite quickly, OH's parents live over an hour away and they drive max 40mph and will take them forever to get there, I don't want to have to wait for them to arrive before we can leave.

Is your OH going to be with you after? I ask as most hospitals, ours inluded, currently have a strict 1 visitor a time rule due to Swine Flu risks. Your OH would be included as the 1!


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## angelsmummy

my parents came to c me with half an hour ov havin both my kids (id nt even had a shower or got dressed lol. 
was moved up to the post natal ward about anhour aftre having my son they stayed for bit then went home, visiting is 5pm while 8pm n aslo at dinner too ?(cant remember times).
on the delivery ward and post natal ward they shud have a intercom systems set up. u have to say who u r n who ur visiting, then the door will open. they wont have open doors as anyone cud gt in n take baby.


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## Samemka

Just to warn you, we were told 'you can leave after 6 hours if everything is ok' - pft!

I can't see anyone EVER leaving within 6 hours at the hospital we went too! I stayed in for 2 nights with Emma (she wasn't feeding too well) and I said to them 'if I stay in Tuesday night, can I go first thing Wed morning?' 'Yes of course'

I finally left at 2pm Wednesday after harrassing them to do my postnatal check, letters etc. I just wanted to get home and it really annoyed me that the woman next to me got to go at noon because she was so gobby, and I had to wait longer - only 2 hours but when I had my baby before her, and wanted to go earlier and made that clear (Emma was fine and we just wanted to be home) - ARRRRGH!!!


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## 24/7

I will be happy for my parents and brothers to visit at any time, as I don't feel under any pressure from them atall, and after everything will probably be pleased to see them all. 

I will also let my closest friend visit in hospital, in order to ensure a short visit, as much as I love her, I very much doubt I'll be feeling like a chat, and once were home, it's much harder to get rid of visitors who outstay their welcome....

OH's parents are another matter, and tbh I don't want to see them ever, let alone after I've just given birth, but again would prefer to see them whilst in hospital, and the thought of having them in my home is horrifying. :p


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## DizzyMoo

I'm telling people when they mention visiting that nobody is to come to the hospital or my home until they have asked 1st by either text or phone call. Anyone turning up un announced will be point blank refused. 

Our delivery ward at hospital is locked with a buzzer system so people cant just walk in which is good, So if anyone comes the midwives come tell you 1st. We can have 2 birth partners for normal delivery & 1 for an elective section who can stay with you for quite a while. With my 1st i was moved into a private room on the delivery ward & stayed there few hours but nobody could come in until i was on postnatal ward. Then my birth partner could stay but any other visitor had to go by visiting hours. 
Our hospitals policy has changed & children are no longer allowed to come onto the wards only the mums own children, I totally understand this but it does make it hard for visitors, my sis in law &/or my mum will be bringing josh to see me but my bro will have to stay home with his kids. Friends cant visit coz they have kids too. So i guess its a good job i dont want visitors as it seems i wont get any & i'll be in 4 days :( 

Once home i know ppl will just turn up so curtains will stay closed & door ignored until ppl text/ring 1st.

My mum cant understand why i dont want visitors & says im being silly, but wtf ? Should i have visitors just to suit everyone else? Not a chance!

With regards to the postnatal ward though, when i had josh im sure people could just walk in & didnt have to buzzer . The nurses desk was 1st though so people were asked who they were here to see & they just pointed them where i was. But .. they could of been buzzed in ..if they were i wasnt asked about them being allowed in. My bro just text me before hand asking if they could come up x


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