# Daunted need advice



## Hope3

Hi

We've finally resigned ourselves to the fact that we probably won't conceive our own child. 

Thinking of adoption but after reading various articles & websites I'm completely daunted by the process.

How did you get over your worries? 

I want to start the process but I'm scared. We went to an information evening a while ago. DH was really up for it but I was more reserved.


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## obe

Hi,
I was the same at first, its a lot to take on with everything you have to think about.
We have just finished our 1st stage and my brain is in over load at the moment.
Is this something you would like to do?
x


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## green turtle

Hope3 said:


> Hi
> 
> We've finally resigned ourselves to the fact that we probably won't conceive our own child.
> 
> Thinking of adoption but after reading various articles & websites I'm completely daunted by the process.
> 
> How did you get over your worries?
> 
> I want to start the process but I'm scared. We went to an information evening a while ago. DH was really up for it but I was more reserved.

Your worries are valid as the process is completely daunting. I have just recently adopted three beautiful children after years of fertility struggles and over a year in the adoption process.

I spent many years sad, frustrated and stressed. It was all worth it to have my kids! 

If you want to be a mom then I would say just take a deep breath, and just start the process.

Find a good adoption agency and let them guide you through the process. Take it one day and one form at a time. The paperwork is daunting, but if your husband is gung ho then let him take the lead.

Good luck!


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## TTC First

I am a foster parent and much of the training sessions you go to, we have to do the same. We had to go through all the personal questions and the home study. It was a lot and it took a long time. I can only imagine if you are so excited about the possibility of getting a child it would make the whole situation more stressful.

I foster infants and get so many amazing little babies. I know that people hear the histories of these children and get really scared. Please don't let that deter you (if that's the case). There are many kids with lots of needs and if that's something you are willing to accept then there is a baby for you. If you are not looking to adopt a special needs child, be firm and tell the worker that. I would just say that in the end it will be worth it.


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## Hope3

Thanks for your replies. Emotionally I'm still not ready. Since I posted the original post I've been signed off with stress. These couple of months have been overwhelming. 

I went to a seminar on adoption at the Fertility Show and that was really useful. I realised that my feelings were normal. The speaker also said that you need to fully grieve not conceiving your own child before going down the adoption route. I'm still in the middle of that. 

The whole infertility thing has turned me inside out. I need to be able to think clearly and feel more settled before we move on.


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## TTC First

That is a great way to think about things. The last thing you want is to be overwhelmed and introduce a little one into the situation.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I am still struggling with TTC and have had 3 losses. I do all this while fostering other peoples little ones. It can get so hard seeing what these little ones have been through in their young life while I can not be blessed with a little one who I will treat so much better.

We have not given up TTC yet but it looks like adoption may be our next option. I am starting to realize that there are so many ways to have a child. Do I really need to go through the entire pregnancy in order to have a baby? Will I be happy starting parenthood after the child is born? Part of me thinks that it would be so much better because I avoid the weight gain and labor. Right now I just get the baby dropped off right to my house from the hospital after they are born. I see all the milestones, first smile, learning to sit, first steps, first tooth, and so many others. I have a 4 month old now, he has been with us since he was born. We have had to many amazing experiences with him already, it doesn't feel like we missed anything.

I really hope that you are able to get through your loss and come up with a plan that works for you in order to move onto your next step and be happy. If you have any questions, let me know.


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## helloeveryone

Hope3 said:


> Thanks for your replies. Emotionally I'm still not ready. Since I posted the original post I've been signed off with stress. These couple of months have been overwhelming.
> 
> I went to a seminar on adoption at the Fertility Show and that was really useful. I realised that my feelings were normal. The speaker also said that you need to fully grieve not conceiving your own child before going down the adoption route. I'm still in the middle of that.
> 
> The whole infertility thing has turned me inside out. I need to be able to think clearly and feel more settled before we move on.

I honey I just wanted to say, sorry you are feeling stressed but glad to see you are thinking about adopting, it's such a special way to have a family..
And I think taking a bit of time out is a good idea before you get started.

I started to try to foster 8 months ago, and it has been stressful but I have learnt so much so far and I feel so ready to try and help these foster children.
I think it has to be hard so it only takes the one through that really want to do it. Good luck with things, and I hope after Christmas things look better for you..


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