# Arguments and unborn baby...



## katemarie

Hey,

So had a whopper of an argument with husband last night - he was annoyed with me after he felt I wasn't 'pulling my weight' with the housework as we have family over tonight and he had to do a lot of it as I got back an hour late from a midwife appointment! Ergh men!! 

Seriously I won't go on about it as it, but let's just say he won't be messing with me again when it comes to this, why can't men just be gracious about it when they have to do that little bit more around the house for once?!!

Anyways I was worried as my heart rate went up a lot and after we argued my tummy was cramping a bit, then I managed to get a good night's sleep and we argued about it again today and my tummy was hurting again - it may just be coincidence that is't growing pains I'd have got already, but I am so worried that me being stressed has stressed out our baby! I am four months pregs tomorrow - please reassure me that you all have had big arguments with other halves and babies are fine?!!! 

thanks x


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## BeckyD

I think we've all been there - and I know my stomach was really bad around 15 / 16 weeks. x


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## surreysharon

Hi hunni
You will be fine but it is important to keep calm and dont get too stressed. Im sure its just aches/growing pains also but just calm down, take it easy and dont rise to it with your husband


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## welshmummy2be

im sure everything is fine, me and OH always seem to argue lol your pain is prob down to all the stretching of the muscles ready for baby to grow into (and holding your body stiff when your angry if you do what i do lol) x x


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## PeanutBean

Stress does affect the baby but I'm talking real long term heavy duty stress, not run of the mill domestic blow outs. Try not to worry but feel free to use it as an excuse to make your OH pull his weight. ;)


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## NicolleM.T.B.

My bump aches when i get too stressed out. So your aching is either like the other ladies said just general aching and stretching or baby letting you know they dont like it. I have been under quiet alot of stress so maybe thats why my bump starts to ache. I'm sure a few arguments won't affect baby in the long run though x


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## fluffyblue

Hey hun, I empathise and sympathise with you, im on maternity leave and my hubby has what we call OCD when it comes to cleaning and is always bitching little comments about me not doing certain things - i keep reminding him im 35 weeks pregnant but he says that doesnt affect my hands when shoping !!

Anyway the stress thing, it does affect you, im on injections for blood clotting disorder and have had to to have my arteries scanned - now whilst the blood flow is normal the ateries are working twice as hard to pump the blood and ive been seriously warned about getting too stressed out as it can affect the natural blood flow to the placenta etc so maybe there is some truth in it.

Just try and take it easy and relax maybe tell hubby the above and see if he understands, all the best xx


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## Spunky

My husband and I had a big fight at 14 weeks. I cried for hours. Mom kept telling me bad for the baby, but I was upset! Well, it's been 3 weeks, I can kind of feel baby, and I've had a scan since then with everything looking great. So while they can really hurt our mental health I think a one (or two) isolated days of getting upset wont be too bad for baby. :hugs: Best of Luck. Husband took 4 days to apologize for screaming and cussing at me. I hope it was our last (and only) big fight of this pregnancy (or ever, but that sounds like crazy thinking!)


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## mamamay

I think my bump aching has coincided with stress - at work, and also today my car skidded when we had unexpected snow again, and after the near miss my bump is aching on one side even though I didnt hit anything. Its soooo hard to avoid stress altogether though, xxx


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## katemarie

Thanks everyone, feeling better already! We've sorted things out but I know that he still thinks he was right about it all... it's mad isn't it, once we start doing less around the house and they have to do a bit more (ie what we did before) it's like they suddenly get the shock of their lives! I think it's because as pregnant women we hold the cards more, especially in regards to when we have sex haha. 

I am feeling better thanks and tummy is better, felt a few flutters since this am and that has reassured. Heard the heartbeat last night before the argument at the midwives so at least I know baby was all happy before and hopefully as you say one night of stress isn't really going to make a difference, but you worry naturally don't you! 

Hope you are all safe in the snow getting home tonight x


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## smashley

me and OH usually have one big fight a month where I cry and stress for a day or two. I'm 5 months along and baby is okay.


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## bellablue

Hope your feeling better hun :)


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## Ember

Hubby has been really good about not getting me upset, and we haven't had any big arguments since the pregnancy, but I've had some horrible blow ups with my mom. They always end with me telling her that she is hurting my baby by stressing me out and I can't deal with this and to leave me alone and I hang up on her and she doesn't call back. Whenever I get stressed, my bump hurts, too. I think it's just muscle tension from the stress. MY best friend's baby does start kicking her really hard when she gets stressed as she is far enough along to feel it, but she's fine. As long as the fighting doesn't become a habit, you should be fine. Whenever you feel your heart rate going up and know you're getting too upset, just tell him that you have to end this because it is hurting the baby and you are not willing to endanger his/her health like that. You should let him know now before another fight happens that by stressing you out like that, he is hurting the baby. Not to mention that you need to be relaxing and not doing as much around the house also for the sake of the baby. I've had several problems and been miserable my entire pregnancy, so I have to spend most of my time in bed and can't do much. Hubby has been great about taking over what he can of the housework, and we let everything else just kind of slide for now, since he currently has two jobs. If anyone doesn't like the way our house looks and judges us for not being able to keep up with everything, then they've obviously never been a parent! Just wait till you have a toddler destroying the house on a daily basis, you'll have to clean a lot more to keep the house the way it is now. If you don't learn to let some things slide, you'll go nuts when that time comes!


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## lilprince

DH and I got into a HUGE fight when I was 10 weeks. I started bleeding and we went to the ER. Baby was fine but placenta had torn away from the wall a little. On the way home at 12:30 at night he started screaming at me to stop crying (in 3 years he has NEVER yelled at me) I got so mad I hit him while he was driving and we just screamed at each other. It was just the stress of it all and I cramped so bad that night I was terrified but after a good night sleep it stopped. Baby feels stress but Ive read its good for them in small doses. I wish I knew where I read the article. 

Hang in there hun! Im a firm believer that baby is born into a real world where things happen and stress happens. Its normal! Glad you guys have worked it out!!! :hugs:


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## NicolleM.T.B.

I'm sorry but stress is never good for a baby? It wont have negative effects in small doses like one off arguments, but "stress in small doses is not good for them" I'm doing a degree in Psychology and have just finished child development from conception to birth, at no point is stress ever benificial to a pregnancy or to a child.


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## FierceAngel

hugs xxx


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## PeanutBean

NicolleM.T.B. said:


> I'm sorry but stress is never good for a baby? It wont have negative effects in small doses like one off arguments, but "stress in small doses is not good for them" I'm doing a degree in Psychology and have just finished child development from conception to birth, at no point is stress ever benificial to a pregnancy or to a child.

Well that does kind of depend on the environment the baby's born into. The raised maternal stress hormones have an effect on the stress response in the baby. The idea being it's an adaptive strategy to prepare the child for the level of hostility in the world it's entering. It doesn't always work out quite right such as with pre-eclampsia but it's a strategy for preparing the foetus for life.


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## storm4mozza

*Ive got into such a big argument with my OH he ended up with a bin off his head and i was hyperventilating and the baby was fine, he just got a little moody in there =) just try stay calm and let that be the end of the arguments if u can, keep u and the baby calm and keep ur mind at rest that he/she is ok x *


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## katemarie

Thanks again girls, really appreciate your support. All has been calm since then, and feeling little baby movements so he/she is obviously none the wiser!! I will definitely try and step back a bit more next time and not let things get to me as much, easier said than done though hey  x


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## Szaffi

Last pregnancy we were predicted high risk for DS. We didn't do amnio for fear of MC, so I've spent my pregnancy from 17 weeks onwards worried sick and having frequent arguments with OH. I was in tremendous stress and the baby was just fine.


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## shortie58

I definatly feel more pain in my stomach when I get stressed or hubby and I have an argument which luckily isnt very often.. Yest for instance I was working in a busy ward and work and it was non stop, I had lack of sleep and was hot so got a sharp like pain in my stomach and was sick, Felt better after wards but got sent home early.. This seems to happen every time before I am sick and so I try not to worry about it.

Sorry for rambling xx


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