# Any of you have NO contact with FOB?



## Melissa.Feb12

Due to mine aaand FOBs past events, we dont have contact, he lives in a different province, doesnt see Mikah or I, doesnt talk to Mikah or I, doesnt play a part in Mikahs or my life.
Do any of you have NO contact with FOB?
Is it hard for you?
How old is your LO?

Mikah is only 7 months, so i dont think he notices he doesnt have a "dad" ?

When hes older what do i tell him?



Love you :flow:


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## divershona

i have minimal contact with FOB at the moment and he has seen kaya maybe 3 or 4 times if he makes no effort to come and see her by her birthday then i'll be cutting all contact with him. when kaya is older i'll obviously explain to her that OH is her step-dad and that i tried to get her dad involved in her life but he was young so wasn't really interested but it doesnt matter because OH has been there since she before she was born. i'll also tell her that if in the future she wants contact with him then i'll help her with that.

i don't know your situation so I don't really know whether contact with your FOB would be a good thing or not, so good luck :) sorry i can't be more help


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## lov3hat3

I havnt for about 8 weeks now I think. I don't trust him around jamiee, I did, but he fucked that up. I don't know what I'll tell jamiee when he's older, hopefully he will understand i cut contact to protect him. I don't find It hard to not have contact, it's actually easier because I don't have to deal with him and the arguments. It is hard having to look after jamiee on my own though x


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## QuintinsMommy

Quins never met FOB , we have no contact , I don't speak to him.
sometimes I wish i had someone to talk to about things like when quins sick or something, but other then that I've never know any other way?


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## lauram_92

FOBs never had contact with Oliver. Ol is going to be 8 months on Saturday.

I feel sorry purely for Oliver, I wouldn't want him in my life but I wish Oliver had a Dad. :shrug: But last night I was speaking to girls who don't have a Dad and they say they don't miss something they didn't know, so they don't feel like they're missing out?


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## Desi's_lost

Nope, none! Not even seen him. Syri is 10 months. 
honestly doesnt really bother me
Not sure what ill tell her, gotta see what the future looks llike!


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## kittycat18

I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx


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## Burchy314

I have had no contact with FOB for the past few weeks and I have a feeling I won't be having contact with him ever again or atleast not for a long time. Its hard because I miss having a relationship, but I'm doing fine. I don't know what I'm going to tell her when she's older though.


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## rileybaby

Im back with FOB now but we had broke up for like 4 months. We didnt speak for 8 weeks and he didnt bother contacting me to see how Riley was.. until he decided i had 'stopped him from seeing Riley' and wanted to take me to court. And here we are 6 weeks later back together again! I really dont know how dads can go such a long time without knowing how thier child is, let alone not seeing them!:wacko:


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## 112110

I had no contact with FOB from like January through June? I still don't speak to him I only bring Brayden round his Grandparents and he may or may not be there, maybe once a week for 2 hours.


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## fightchick

i haven't had connect with FOB in almost 3 years. my son is turning 3 on oct 5th. and no i dont think it's hard, i think lucas is better off. FOB, didn't want anything to do with lucas but a year or so later, i found out he had another son, which of course, he is there for. luckily, i met my OH 2 and a half years ago, and he stepped up and did what the FOB didn't. couldn't be thankful enough.


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## lauram_92

kittycat18 said:


> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx

I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:


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## QuintinsMommy

I glad you made this thread Melissa, i didn't know so many girls never speak to FOB, people always stare at me when I say quin and I have no contact , and quin never has had contact with FOB, lol


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## Strawberrymum

I have none we don't speak at all he never sees LO she's nearly 2. I much prefer it this way. If I could change her dad I'd do it in a heart beat but I can't so I just make it work. I would never want him in her life. One day i hope she understands


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## faolan5109

I have no contact with Lane's bio dad either. I know I am not going to lie to him, I am going to tell him when he is old enough and who he is.


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## Marzipan_girl

I'm not in the same situatuation either, but would also like to mention it's better to have no dad at all and an awesome mummy than a distraught mummy and a c*nt of a father who just f*cks everything up and makes everyones life a misery!


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## Marzipan_girl

lauram_92 said:


> kittycat18 said:
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> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx
> 
> I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:Click to expand...

Haha I thought it sounded a little patronizing too lol


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## lauram_92

Marzipan_girl said:


> lauram_92 said:
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> kittycat18 said:
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> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx
> 
> I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> Haha I thought it sounded a little patronizing too lolClick to expand...

I don't want to be a bitch or anything because it was obviously mean't kindly, but I just don't get why people make out we are so amazing. I love my son, and I'd have had him *no matter what* and I am sure most people would have continued their pregnancy whether they were with FOB or not. And even if people are with FOB it doesn't mean they help out a lot. I think we all have just tried to make the best decisions for our babies.


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## kittycat18

lauram_92 said:


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> kittycat18 said:
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> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx
> 
> I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:Click to expand...
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> Haha I thought it sounded a little patronizing too lolClick to expand...
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> I don't want to be a bitch or anything because it was obviously mean't kindly, but I just don't get why people make out we are so amazing. I love my son, and I'd have had him *no matter what* and I am sure most people would have continued their pregnancy whether they were with FOB or not. And even if people are with FOB it doesn't mean they help out a lot. I think we all have just tried to make the best decisions for our babies.Click to expand...

Wow, wow, wow. It wasn't supposed to sound patronising at all :flower: I just meant that it's amazing what single mummies can do. In most cases, they are better parents to their child than a two parent family are to their child! Me and FOB/OH were apart throughout most of my pregnancy and that didn't mean I loved LO any less or wanted them any less. I just think I would have struggled without him in the picture so I think the girlies on here who can be a mummy and daddy on their own and do a brilliant job are amazing :flower:


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## QuintinsMommy

kittycat18 said:


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> kittycat18 said:
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> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx
> 
> I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> Haha I thought it sounded a little patronizing too lolClick to expand...
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> I don't want to be a bitch or anything because it was obviously mean't kindly, but I just don't get why people make out we are so amazing. I love my son, and I'd have had him *no matter what* and I am sure most people would have continued their pregnancy whether they were with FOB or not. And even if people are with FOB it doesn't mean they help out a lot. I think we all have just tried to make the best decisions for our babies.Click to expand...Click to expand...

I don't know what you are talking about but its rare that I get called amazing, and most times I feel more felt sorry for then anything, 
and you know what ? I think I am fucking amazing its *hard* doing it alone, you have no one to help you with those sleepless nights, no one to share worries you have with, sometimes not even anyone to talk to ! , when I lived with my ex(not FOB) we would take turns he would give the kids a bath one night me the next and that little break was wonderful! 
I'm not saying not all FOB are helpful but at least you are not *alone*

so I am fucking amazing, and I'm proud and I love that kittycat let me know that some people look up to people like me.


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## lb

FOB and I have had minimal contact, other than his harassing calls lately. He keeps blaming me for keeping him from seeing his daughter, which was the complete opposite just a couple months ago, when I was begging him to see her more. But he hasn't changed, and when he does have her, he fucks up. So he hasn't had her in a couple weeks, which is really hard on me. But at least I know who I can ask for help, since I haven't been doing this as long as you girls :flower:


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## lauram_92

QuintinsMommy said:


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> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx
> 
> I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:Click to expand...
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> Haha I thought it sounded a little patronizing too lolClick to expand...
> 
> I don't want to be a bitch or anything because it was obviously mean't kindly, but I just don't get why people make out we are so amazing. I love my son, and I'd have had him *no matter what* and I am sure most people would have continued their pregnancy whether they were with FOB or not. And even if people are with FOB it doesn't mean they help out a lot. I think we all have just tried to make the best decisions for our babies.Click to expand...
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> I don't know what you are talking about but its rare that I get called amazing, and most times I feel more felt sorry for then anything,
> and you know what ? I think I am fucking amazing its *hard* doing it alone, you have no one to help you with those sleepless nights, no one to share worries you have with, sometimes not even anyone to talk to ! , when I lived with my ex(not FOB) we would take turns he would give the kids a bath one night me the next and that little break was wonderful!
> I'm not saying not all FOB are helpful but at least you are not *alone*
> 
> so I am fucking amazing, and I'm proud and I love that kittycat let me know that some people look up to people like me.Click to expand...

Lol, whats with the 'fucking amazing', could you not just say you think you are amazing? I know what it is like doing it alone, I do it. If you look through half the threads on here you'll see a lot of them are moaning about the FOBs, so maybe we are luckier to not have contact than to have the added stress of them, that is all I am saying. :shrug:


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## 17thy

also thought i'd give some :hugs: to you single ladies, you are stronger than I.

and i dont think its patronizing at all. the fact is, I'm not doing it on my own even though of course I would if I had to. It does take a strong person to raise their child without another parent to help out. a lot of people give up, and their parents end up raising their kids, or something along those lines. So just because someone is trying to tell you that you are doin a good job, why do you have to make that a bad thing????


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## JoJo16

Alice is nearly 21 months and FOB saw her twice at 3 weeks old and i have not heard from him since. don't even no if he is still alive lol. alice doesnt no any different atm so its not reli a prob but im not looking forward to the dreaded 'wheres my daddy' question.


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## lauram_92

17thy said:


> also thought i'd give some :hugs: to you single ladies, you are stronger than I.
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> and i dont think its patronizing at all. the fact is, I'm not doing it on my own even though of course I would if I had to. It does take a strong person to raise their child without another parent to help out. a lot of people give up, and their parents end up raising their kids, or something along those lines. So just because someone is trying to tell you that you are doin a good job, why do you have to make that a bad thing????

I'm not making it a bad thing, I said I knew it was meant nicely, but there are a lot harder situations than being a single parent; and I think of myself as being lucky to not have all the problems people seem to have with their OHs/FOBs.


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## candicex

I agree with Laura, sometimes I am glad that FOB and I don't have contact, because for the few days he was contacting me via email I couldn't handle it, I was a mess, and I couldn't imagine having to deal with that everyday :wacko: and even though I did try my hardest to get him in her life, a part of me is glad he isn't because he would of just caused stress and chaos in my life. People always say 'oh you must be so strong to do it on your own' but I have a lot of help from family and friends! So I don't see it as doing it alone. I have heaps of support :thumbup:


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## QuintinsMommy

lauram_92 said:


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> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx
> 
> I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> Haha I thought it sounded a little patronizing too lolClick to expand...
> 
> I don't want to be a bitch or anything because it was obviously mean't kindly, but I just don't get why people make out we are so amazing. I love my son, and I'd have had him *no matter what* and I am sure most people would have continued their pregnancy whether they were with FOB or not. And even if people are with FOB it doesn't mean they help out a lot. I think we all have just tried to make the best decisions for our babies.Click to expand...
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> Click to expand...
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> I don't know what you are talking about but its rare that I get called amazing, and most times I feel more felt sorry for then anything,
> and you know what ? I think I am fucking amazing its *hard* doing it alone, you have no one to help you with those sleepless nights, no one to share worries you have with, sometimes not even anyone to talk to ! , when I lived with my ex(not FOB) we would take turns he would give the kids a bath one night me the next and that little break was wonderful!
> I'm not saying not all FOB are helpful but at least you are not *alone*
> 
> so I am fucking amazing, and I'm proud and I love that kittycat let me know that some people look up to people like me.Click to expand...
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> Lol, whats with the 'fucking amazing', could you not just say you think you are amazing? I know what it is like doing it alone, I do it. If you look through half the threads on here you'll see a lot of them are moaning about the FOBs, so maybe we are luckier to not have contact than to have the added stress of them, that is all I am saying. :shrug:Click to expand...

:dohh: you kill me, i used the word "fucking" to power behind what I am saying.

when someone complements you as kittycat18 did, just say "thanks" its not that hard to not be a bitch :nope:


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## kittycat18

I didn't mean to start a fight at all :nope: I'm sorry.


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## lauram_92

QuintinsMommy said:


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> I'm not in the same situation but I am just popping in to say how amazing you all are and how well you are doing to raise your LO's on your own :hugs2: It must be so difficult but everyday is worth it! You are all truly inspiration for being so responsible, mature and loving! xx
> 
> I'm sure most people would do it if it came down to it? :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> Haha I thought it sounded a little patronizing too lolClick to expand...
> 
> I don't want to be a bitch or anything because it was obviously mean't kindly, but I just don't get why people make out we are so amazing. I love my son, and I'd have had him *no matter what* and I am sure most people would have continued their pregnancy whether they were with FOB or not. And even if people are with FOB it doesn't mean they help out a lot. I think we all have just tried to make the best decisions for our babies.Click to expand...
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> Click to expand...
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> I don't know what you are talking about but its rare that I get called amazing, and most times I feel more felt sorry for then anything,
> and you know what ? I think I am fucking amazing its *hard* doing it alone, you have no one to help you with those sleepless nights, no one to share worries you have with, sometimes not even anyone to talk to ! , when I lived with my ex(not FOB) we would take turns he would give the kids a bath one night me the next and that little break was wonderful!
> I'm not saying not all FOB are helpful but at least you are not *alone*
> 
> so I am fucking amazing, and I'm proud and I love that kittycat let me know that some people look up to people like me.Click to expand...
> 
> Lol, whats with the 'fucking amazing', could you not just say you think you are amazing? I know what it is like doing it alone, I do it. If you look through half the threads on here you'll see a lot of them are moaning about the FOBs, so maybe we are luckier to not have contact than to have the added stress of them, that is all I am saying. :shrug:Click to expand...
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> :dohh: you kill me, i used the word "fucking" to power behind what I am saying.
> 
> when someone complements you as kittycat18 did, just say "thanks" its not that hard to not be a bitch :nope:Click to expand...

What I am trying to say is that being a single parent (to me) isn't as hard as everyone makes out. Most of the people would do it if it came down to it and just get on with it. They wouldn't pan off their LO to anyone. Having FOBs involved seem to cause more drama than they are worth. So in a way I think I am lucky!


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## QuintinsMommy

of course we all love our LOs, it isn't awful or the worst that we raise them alone and I don't think anyone would expect to give LO away cause we are single? I'm not sure where you are going with that.
and some people do have more problems dealing with a crap FOB then they do being on their own , and I'm thankful for that
If I had a FOB who wanted to take quin every other weekend or something, and this FOB was wonderful and Quin loved his father, I hands down would say thats easier then having a child with no father.(and no I'm not panning him off to anyone because itss hard)
so I don't think its "bad" or whatever for someone to say good job to me or to all of us, who do it every step of the way on our own


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## ~RedLily~

kittycat18 said:


> I didn't mean to start a fight at all :nope: I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry hun, you said a nice thing :hugs:


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## cabbagebaby

FOB does have contact with tyler but i dont see him we text but thats about it he has tyler about twice a week i think that what laura ment is that people who raise there children on there own without FOB are no different to people that do have FOB in there LO's lifes and any mother would do what was needed for there child its just what being a mum is doesnt make them any different :flower:


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## lauram_92

QuintinsMommy said:


> of course we all love our LOs, it isn't awful or the worst that we raise them alone and I don't think anyone would expect to give LO away cause we are single? I'm not sure where you are going with that.
> and some people do have more problems dealing with a crap FOB then they do being on their own , and I'm thankful for that
> If I had a FOB who wanted to take quin every other weekend or something, and this FOB was wonderful and Quin loved his father, I hands down would say thats easier then having a child with no father.(and no I'm not panning him off to anyone because itss hard)
> so I don't think its "bad" or whatever for someone to say good job to me or to all of us, who do it every step of the way on our own

I didn't say it was bad. I just mean people usually think being a single parent is the bottom of the pile, as bad as it gets. When it isn't that bad. I don't have to compromise my parenting styles, only my say counts. I named him myself. I can pick out all his things on my own. I don't have to share him with anyone. And I don't have the arguments a LOT of couples have after having a baby. I think of my self more fortunate than unlucky.

I always see people saying FOB is doing this and that, unfit to watch LO, being agressive/violent/drinking etc. And I don't have that stress to deal with.

Yes, having a good father would obviously be easier. But being a single parent just isn't as hard as people make out.


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## QuintinsMommy

this was to cabbagebaby 

yea I understand that, but at least your child does have a father and you do get a break, we are all mothers, but it is in away different.


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## QuintinsMommy

then maybe I'm the odd man out, who thinks it is hard and lonely.


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## mayb_baby

I agree I find Single mummies amazing as they don't have the company of an OH (most people rant on here to get it out, the good things are not usually mentioned) I mean I don't see how that could be offensive or patronizing :nope:I mean they are being two parents especially those who have NO contact or a **** 
:hugs:


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## lauram_92

mayb_baby said:


> I agree I find Single mummies amazing as they don't have the company of an OH (most people rant on here to get it out, the good things are not usually mentioned) I mean I don't see how that could be offensive or patronizing :nope:I mean they are being two parents especially those who have NO contact or a ****
> :hugs:

I'm just trying to say it is not as hard as everyone makes out. So sick of people feeling sorry for me and acting like I am doing something so hard, when it isn't.

I also PM'd Kittycat and she understands what I mean. :shrug:


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## mayb_baby

QuintinsMommy said:


> then maybe I'm the odd man out, who thinks it is hard and lonely.

:hugs::hugs:
I understand what you mean as I feel like this during the day (before I started uni) and was sooo happy to hand Michael to Tirone after dinner so I could go a walk or to my mums without Michael


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## mayb_baby

lauram_92 said:


> mayb_baby said:
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> I agree I find Single mummies amazing as they don't have the company of an OH (most people rant on here to get it out, the good things are not usually mentioned) I mean I don't see how that could be offensive or patronizing :nope:I mean they are being two parents especially those who have NO contact or a ****
> :hugs:
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> I'm just trying to say it is not as hard as everyone makes out. So sick of people feeling sorry for me and acting like I am doing something so hard, when it isn't.
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> I also PM'd Kittycat and she understands what I mean. :shrug:Click to expand...

I get the you don't want pity, but its really not pity more admiration. As I am relieved to get a break but those single mummies who don't are unreal as I would crack. I mean Tirone and me are awful at times but without him and his family I would deffo be on medication or else completely crack


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## lauram_92

mayb_baby said:


> lauram_92 said:
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> I agree I find Single mummies amazing as they don't have the company of an OH (most people rant on here to get it out, the good things are not usually mentioned) I mean I don't see how that could be offensive or patronizing :nope:I mean they are being two parents especially those who have NO contact or a ****
> :hugs:
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> I'm just trying to say it is not as hard as everyone makes out. So sick of people feeling sorry for me and acting like I am doing something so hard, when it isn't.
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> I also PM'd Kittycat and she understands what I mean. :shrug:Click to expand...
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> I get the you don't want pity, but its really not pity more admiration. As I am relieved to get a break but those single mummies who don't are unreal as I would crack. I mean Tirone and me are awful at times but without him and his family I would deffo be on medication or else completely crackClick to expand...

I thought I would be like that, but I'm not. I just get on with it, 'cause I know I have to. If that makes sense.


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## QuintinsMommy

just cause we do it because we have to doesn't mean it isn't hard? isn't there a time when you ever wish my god I wish I could just have sometime to myself? or even just go for a walk w/o LO?


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## QuintinsMommy

or don't you ever think when your child is in school at fathers day making crafts and he doesn't have father to make them for?
or when they ask one day "why don't have a daddy?" 
don't you think it be easier to not have to have your child deal with that?


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## lauram_92

Not really. I knew it was going to be like this when I found out I was pregnant. I am used to having him on my own 24/7. Apart from recently when I went out, but I had to put him to bed and get up with him in the morning, and I just regretted going out because I was so tired.


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## QuintinsMommy

well you are super woman because I know the fact that quintin has no father affects me.

and I've known I would be a single parent from the day I saw my BFP


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## 17thy

I'm sorry but knowing what I have now and if it was just gone tomorrow, it WOULD be hard, and it WOULD be lonely.... :/ If I hadn't ever known this life I'm living now then I wouldn't know what I am missing and it wouldn't seem as bad as it really is...


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## lauram_92

QuintinsMommy said:


> or don't you ever think when your child is in school at fathers day making crafts and he doesn't have father to make them for?
> or when they ask one day "why don't have a daddy?"
> don't you think it be easier to not have to have your child deal with that?

I don't think you understand what I am trying to say. I am trying to say there is a lot worse situations people could be in, and I don't mind my situation. In fact I like it. Yes it would be easier if I didn't have to explain all that to him, but in a lot of cases it is a lot easier not having a FOB around.


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## mayb_baby

I think if you live alone it's harder:hugs:


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## lauram_92

17thy said:


> I'm sorry but knowing what I have now and if it was just gone tomorrow, it WOULD be hard, and it WOULD be lonely.... :/ If I hadn't ever known this life I'm living now then I wouldn't know what I am missing and it wouldn't *seem as bad as it really is*...

Well I don't know what you have to miss out out. :thumbup:

I just don't think it is "bad".


----------



## lauram_92

mayb_baby said:


> I think if you live alone it's harder:hugs:

I'd rather live alone than with my parents. A lot of people know my situation. They're horrible to me and basically ignore Oliver.


----------



## mayb_baby

but there are people there, I hated living at home but I mean it must get lonely when you are the only adult in the house. I'm just giving my opinion it doesn't count as I have no 'real' experience


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## lauram_92

QuintinsMommy said:


> well you are super woman because I know the fact that quintin has no father affects me.
> 
> and I've known I would be a single parent from the day I saw my BFP

If he could have a perfect father, than didn't cause arguments, actually knew how to do things then yes it would be easier. But in general when I see what others have to go through I am glad I don't have that. (I know Lorna said the nice things aren't said which is usually true but I think sometimes the cons outweigh the pros.)


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## cabbagebaby

i'd rather live on my own to laura :) family are hassle !!!


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## lauram_92

mayb_baby said:


> but there are people there, I hated living at home but I mean it must get lonely when you are the only adult in the house. I'm just giving my opinion it doesn't count as I have no 'real' experience

I am on my own 99% of the time. I actually dread them coming home from work. I would LOVE to have my own house. And I mean *LOVE*.


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## QuintinsMommy

lauram_92 said:


> QuintinsMommy said:
> 
> 
> or don't you ever think when your child is in school at fathers day making crafts and he doesn't have father to make them for?
> or when they ask one day "why don't have a daddy?"
> don't you think it be easier to not have to have your child deal with that?
> 
> I don't think you understand what I am trying to say. I am trying to say there is a lot worse situations people could be in, and I don't mind my situation. In fact I like it. Yes it would be easier if I didn't have to explain all that to him, but in a lot of cases it is a lot easier not having a FOB around.Click to expand...

I'm just trying to say it is not as hard as everyone makes out. So sick of people feeling sorry for me and acting like I am doing something so hard, when it isn't.

I also PM'd Kittycat and she understands what I mean. :shrug:[/QUOTE]


I do understand what you are trying to say, you don't want pity, and YES there is other situations alot worse then my own, but I think you are just are making it out to seem like being a single mother with no FOb is a easy. I was clearly trying to point out the more difficult that us as purely single mothers would have to deal with, that other mothers do not.


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## mayb_baby

As I said I cannot relate as my mums amazing but annoying and she is great with michael.


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## lauram_92

Yes, we have:

- every bloody book mentions daddy
- fathers day with no father
- doing it all on our own
etc. etc. etc.

But I would prefer to what most people have. :shrug:


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## lauram_92

mayb_baby said:


> As I said I cannot relate as my mums amazing but annoying and she is great with michael.

I'll post my Mum over to you :thumbup:


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## QuintinsMommy

lauram_92 said:


> Yes, we have:
> 
> - every bloody book mentions daddy
> - fathers day with no father
> - doing it all on our own
> etc. etc. etc.
> 
> But I would prefer to what most people have. :shrug:

well good for you.


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## mayb_baby

Ummm can I 'kindly' refuse please :flower:


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## lauram_92

QuintinsMommy said:


> lauram_92 said:
> 
> 
> Yes, we have:
> 
> - every bloody book mentions daddy
> - fathers day with no father
> - doing it all on our own
> etc. etc. etc.
> 
> But I would prefer to what most people have. :shrug:
> 
> well good for you.Click to expand...

:thumbup:


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## lauram_92

mayb_baby said:


> Ummm can I 'kindly' refuse please :flower:

Er, think it is a bit late. I've packaged her all up? You could always sell her on ebay or something?


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## 17thy

Family isn't a hassle!!!! A BAD family is hassle, but a good family is amazing. I love my family and its amazing. I can't believe someone would say that..... :/


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## QuintinsMommy

well i guess all I want to say, and all I have been trying to say is its hard for me, and it saddens me quin doesnt have a father, and its nice when people say some nice words to me and understand my situation


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## lauram_92

17thy said:


> Family isn't a hassle!!!! A BAD family is hassle, but a good family is amazing. I love my family and its amazing. I can't believe someone would say that..... :/

You can't pick who your family are!


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## QuintinsMommy

cabbagebaby said:


> i'd rather live on my own to laura :) *family are hassle *!!!

I love my family. I would hate quin to grow up and think that im "too" much hassle.


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## cabbagebaby

i guess i have a BAD family then :dohh: its easy to say something like that if you have family like mine :dohh:


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## Melissa.Feb12

ladies , ladies ladies , come on no fighting ...



QuintinsMommy said:


> then maybe I'm the odd man out, who thinks it is *hard and lonely.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> i do too


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## newmommy23

well, not my daughter...but me. I didn't meet my dad until I was 8. Couldn't have given less of a hoot. I just wanted my mom. I never wanted anything else, never asked about him....because I didn't care. Although, the first time I had a sleepover at a friends I had to ask her why there was a man living in her house lol


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## annawrigley

lauram_92 said:


> Lol, whats with the 'fucking amazing', could you not just say you think you are amazing? I know what it is like doing it alone, I do it. If you look through half the threads on here you'll see a lot of them are moaning about the FOBs, *so maybe we are luckier to not have contact than to have the added stress of them, that is all I am saying. *:shrug:

I agree with the bolded tbh. FOB causes so much drama its unreal, I have never been so stressed out in my life than I have been since Noah was born and having to deal with him (FOB, not Noah :haha:). And trying to make the right decisions on whether or not to let him see him, supervised/unsupervised, whether its ok to let him see him when hes just gobbed off at me or barged into my house or comes round in the middle of the night banging on my door. If that choice was taken away from me my life would be soooo much easier. And FOB gives me no help whatsoever, so I don't see my life as any easier than a single mum who has no contact with FOB... It's just as hard, but more stressful :dohh:


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## Croc-O-Dile

Am I really the only one that would put up with an annoying FOB so my child could have their father?

If FOB wasn't physically and mentally abusive, if he hadn't threatened to kill both myself and my child, I would have tried my damn hardest to keep him around for her.
He's an asshole, he's stubborn, he's a know-it-all, he's passive aggressive, but I would have put up with all of that if it meant Livi could know her father. 

In no way do I think that I am the lucky one because I'm a single mother. I would GLADLY argue with FOB over who gets Liv on what days, what her name was to be, whether or not she's old enough to date, if that meant she had someone to give father's day cards to, someone to call Daddy.

It breaks my heart to watch her grow older and know that soon she'll be asking about him. All I have to give her is a card he wrote when I was pregnant and some unclear pictures of the side of his face. She'll never even know what he really looks like.

ETA: This is baring the FOB is in no way harmful to either of us, just plain old annoying.


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## candicex

mayb_baby said:


> I think if you live alone it's harder:hugs:

I think it is easier living alone! I live alone with Ivy now and love it! I don't have to deal with the stress of my annoying mother and my little brothers :thumbup:


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## candicex

17thy said:


> Family isn't a hassle!!!! A BAD family is hassle, but a good family is amazing. I love my family and its amazing. I can't believe someone would say that..... :/

It depends on your family. My family is really good with Ivy but my mum drives me insane! We are so different and clash and I am sure as hell glad to not be living with her anymore! As Laura said you can't choose your family :wacko:




Croc-O-Dile said:


> Am I really the only one that would put up with an annoying FOB so my child could have their father?
> 
> If FOB wasn't physically and mentally abusive, if he hadn't threatened to kill both myself and my child, I would have tried my damn hardest to keep him around for her.
> He's an asshole, he's stubborn, he's a know-it-all, he's passive aggressive, but I would have put up with all of that if it meant Livi could know her father.
> 
> In no way do I think that I am the lucky one because I'm a single mother. I would GLADLY argue with FOB over who gets Liv on what days, what her name was to be, whether or not she's old enough to date, if that meant she had someone to give father's day cards to, someone to call Daddy.
> 
> It breaks my heart to watch her grow older and know that soon she'll be asking about him. All I have to give her is a card he wrote when I was pregnant and some unclear pictures of the side of his face. She'll never even know what he really looks like.
> 
> ETA: This is baring the FOB is in no way harmful to either of us, just plain old annoying.

I would do this too, and I have tried, but FOB wants nothing to do with Ivy never seen her and never will. But then again I am slightly glad I don't have to deal with his shit cause he just makes me cry, get angry and all stressed out when ever I have contact from him. I would LOVE for him to be in her life even if I did have to put up with the added stress but that's not going to happen. And I am sure what all the other girls who don't have contact with FOB are the same. They are trying to say that it is less stressful not having him around but i'm sure if it came down to it and FOB wasn't harmful in any way all girls would let their FOB see their child...


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## wishuwerehere

Croc-O-Dile said:


> Am I really the only one that would put up with an annoying FOB so my child could have their father?
> 
> If FOB wasn't physically and mentally abusive, if he hadn't threatened to kill both myself and my child, I would have tried my damn hardest to keep him around for her.
> He's an asshole, he's stubborn, he's a know-it-all, he's passive aggressive, but I would have put up with all of that if it meant Livi could know her father.
> 
> In no way do I think that I am the lucky one because I'm a single mother. I would GLADLY argue with FOB over who gets Liv on what days, what her name was to be, whether or not she's old enough to date, if that meant she had someone to give father's day cards to, someone to call Daddy.
> 
> It breaks my heart to watch her grow older and know that soon she'll be asking about him. All I have to give her is a card he wrote when I was pregnant and some unclear pictures of the side of his face. She'll never even know what he really looks like.
> 
> ETA: This is baring the FOB is in no way harmful to either of us, just plain old annoying.

I agree with this - my FOB is an absolute pain in the arse sometimes, he winds me up, makes life awkward and can't never be bothered to make a specific trip just to see his daughter, but because he's not actually hurtful to either of us then I make the effort to keep him around :thumbup:


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## Croc-O-Dile

candicex said:


> 17thy said:
> 
> 
> Family isn't a hassle!!!! A BAD family is hassle, but a good family is amazing. I love my family and its amazing. I can't believe someone would say that..... :/
> 
> It depends on your family. My family is really good with Ivy but my mum drives me insane! We are so different and clash and I am sure as hell glad to not be living with her anymore! As Laura said you can't choose your family :wacko:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> Am I really the only one that would put up with an annoying FOB so my child could have their father?
> 
> If FOB wasn't physically and mentally abusive, if he hadn't threatened to kill both myself and my child, I would have tried my damn hardest to keep him around for her.
> He's an asshole, he's stubborn, he's a know-it-all, he's passive aggressive, but I would have put up with all of that if it meant Livi could know her father.
> 
> In no way do I think that I am the lucky one because I'm a single mother. I would GLADLY argue with FOB over who gets Liv on what days, what her name was to be, whether or not she's old enough to date, if that meant she had someone to give father's day cards to, someone to call Daddy.
> 
> It breaks my heart to watch her grow older and know that soon she'll be asking about him. All I have to give her is a card he wrote when I was pregnant and some unclear pictures of the side of his face. She'll never even know what he really looks like.
> 
> ETA: This is baring the FOB is in no way harmful to either of us, just plain old annoying.Click to expand...
> 
> I would do this too, and I have tried, but FOB wants nothing to do with Ivy never seen her and never will. But then again I am slightly glad I don't have to deal with his shit cause he just makes me cry, get angry and all stressed out when ever I have contact from him. I would LOVE for him to be in her life even if I did have to put up with the added stress but that's not going to happen. And I am sure what all the other girls who don't have contact with FOB are the same. They are trying to say that it is less stressful not having him around but i'm sure if it came down to it and FOB wasn't harmful in any way all girls would let their FOB see their child...Click to expand...

I didn't mean that the other girls would purposefully keep FOB away for no reason, didn't mean it to come off that way :flower:
It just aggravates me when people say things like "we're the lucky ones!" etc, because sure, it may make life a bit easier on us since we don't have to deal with the stress, but my daughter will never know her father, what about her? She's lucky that her father is a monster and can't see her because it makes it easier on her mom? :nope: I just don't see it.


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## Bexxx

I think I have the best of both worlds. Atm with Isla I like things done MY way and OH doesn't do that, ie he doesn't hold her right, doesn't talk to her properly etc but he's only here for a few days at a time if that so he doesn't wind me up too much :haha:
So just when it's starting to get too much on my own, he's back, when he starts getting annoying, he's gone :lol:


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## lavitabelle

Just my two cents :flow:

Technically, _I_ have no contact with FOB, but that doesn't mean he doesn't see his child in a roundabout way.
I talk to LOs gran and she has him overnight etc, and he (FOB) still lives at home.

FOB doesn't express interest in my child at all, doesn't call/text/fb to ask how he is, doesn't pay maintenence, doesn't get up in the morning when my LO is over, doesn't do day trips with my LO and his grandmother (FOB's mum), gets drunk, goes out with friends and ignores his child etc.

So while FOB still see's his child, he isn't really a 'father' iykwim?

I would love it if FOB decided he didn't want to be around LO anymore at all, because I would rather my LO grew up not knowing their father, than knowing their father and knowing he didn't care nor give a shit about my LO at all.

It would be easier on me to both explain, and emotionally, for my LO to ask why they had no daddy around, than for my LO to ask why daddy didn't care when he's around.

Sometimes having a FOB there isn't the best thing for your child, even if they aren't a physical threat, there is no telling the emotional damage that can be done by having to force a parent into someone's life.


Does it make me bad? I suppose it depends how you look at it.


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## Rhio92

annawrigley said:


> lauram_92 said:
> 
> 
> Lol, whats with the 'fucking amazing', could you not just say you think you are amazing? I know what it is like doing it alone, I do it. If you look through half the threads on here you'll see a lot of them are moaning about the FOBs, *so maybe we are luckier to not have contact than to have the added stress of them, that is all I am saying. *:shrug:
> 
> I agree with the bolded tbh. FOB causes so much drama its unreal, I have never been so stressed out in my life than I have been since Noah was born and having to deal with him (FOB, not Noah :haha:). And trying to make the right decisions on whether or not to let him see him, supervised/unsupervised, whether its ok to let him see him when hes just gobbed off at me or barged into my house or comes round in the middle of the night banging on my door. If that choice was taken away from me my life would be soooo much easier. And FOB gives me no help whatsoever, so I don't see my life as any easier than a single mum who has no contact with FOB... It's just as hard, but more stressful :dohh:Click to expand...

Literally, everything that Anna said.

But everyone has valid points. Everyone has different experiences and feelings, so there's no point arguing, it's sillyyyyyyyy :flower:


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## lauram_92

I'm just saying that I am thankful I don't have all the arguments etc, with a FOB to deal with. :shrug:


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## QuintinsMommy

Croc-O-Dile said:


> Am I really the only one that would put up with an annoying FOB so my child could have their father?
> 
> If FOB wasn't physically and mentally abusive, if he hadn't threatened to kill both myself and my child, I would have tried my damn hardest to keep him around for her.
> He's an asshole, he's stubborn, he's a know-it-all, he's passive aggressive, but I would have put up with all of that if it meant Livi could know her father.
> 
> In no way do I think that I am the lucky one because I'm a single mother. I would GLADLY argue with FOB over who gets Liv on what days, what her name was to be, whether or not she's old enough to date, if that meant she had someone to give father's day cards to, someone to call Daddy.
> 
> It breaks my heart to watch her grow older and know that soon she'll be asking about him. All I have to give her is a card he wrote when I was pregnant and some unclear pictures of the side of his face. She'll never even know what he really looks like.
> 
> ETA: This is baring the FOB is in no way harmful to either of us, just plain old annoying.

you are not alone I would do anything for annoying fob, who wants quin on weekends, wants to fight with me for when he gets to see him etc.
sometimes i wish quin could have a father so bad, I just cry.


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## Croc-O-Dile

QuintinsMommy said:


> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> Am I really the only one that would put up with an annoying FOB so my child could have their father?
> 
> If FOB wasn't physically and mentally abusive, if he hadn't threatened to kill both myself and my child, I would have tried my damn hardest to keep him around for her.
> He's an asshole, he's stubborn, he's a know-it-all, he's passive aggressive, but I would have put up with all of that if it meant Livi could know her father.
> 
> In no way do I think that I am the lucky one because I'm a single mother. I would GLADLY argue with FOB over who gets Liv on what days, what her name was to be, whether or not she's old enough to date, if that meant she had someone to give father's day cards to, someone to call Daddy.
> 
> It breaks my heart to watch her grow older and know that soon she'll be asking about him. All I have to give her is a card he wrote when I was pregnant and some unclear pictures of the side of his face. She'll never even know what he really looks like.
> 
> ETA: This is baring the FOB is in no way harmful to either of us, just plain old annoying.
> 
> you are not alone I would do anything for annoying fob, who wants quin on weekends, wants to fight with me for when he gets to see him etc.
> sometimes i wish quin could have a father so bad, I just cry.Click to expand...

:hugs: Same here, hon. I got so excited with my ex because he was really stepping up to the plate and everything, but that all went to shit. I feel like I failed her twice now. I couldn't keep FOB around and I couldn't keep the closest thing she's had to a dad around. Sometimes it gets too much and I just bawl. :nope:


----------



## lb

Croc-O-Dile said:


> QuintinsMommy said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> Am I really the only one that would put up with an annoying FOB so my child could have their father?
> 
> If FOB wasn't physically and mentally abusive, if he hadn't threatened to kill both myself and my child, I would have tried my damn hardest to keep him around for her.
> He's an asshole, he's stubborn, he's a know-it-all, he's passive aggressive, but I would have put up with all of that if it meant Livi could know her father.
> 
> In no way do I think that I am the lucky one because I'm a single mother. I would GLADLY argue with FOB over who gets Liv on what days, what her name was to be, whether or not she's old enough to date, if that meant she had someone to give father's day cards to, someone to call Daddy.
> 
> It breaks my heart to watch her grow older and know that soon she'll be asking about him. All I have to give her is a card he wrote when I was pregnant and some unclear pictures of the side of his face. She'll never even know what he really looks like.
> 
> ETA: This is baring the FOB is in no way harmful to either of us, just plain old annoying.
> 
> you are not alone I would do anything for annoying fob, who wants quin on weekends, wants to fight with me for when he gets to see him etc.
> sometimes i wish quin could have a father so bad, I just cry.Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs: Same here, hon. I got so excited with my ex because he was really stepping up to the plate and everything, but that all went to shit. I feel like I failed her twice now. I couldn't keep FOB around and I couldn't keep the closest thing she's had to a dad around. Sometimes it gets too much and I just bawl. :nope:Click to expand...

Ally, same happened here. I cry about it all the time. I feel like I'm getting desperate for Kayla to have her dad around, but he makes such bad decisions.


----------



## QuintinsMommy

Croc-O-Dile said:


> :hugs: Same here, hon. I got so excited with my ex because he was really stepping up to the plate and everything, but that all went to shit. I feel like I failed her twice now. I couldn't keep FOB around and I couldn't keep the closest thing she's had to a dad around. Sometimes it gets too much and I just bawl. :nope:

I felt like this too , if anyone remembers I was living with someone and I feel like I put up with ALOT of bullshit because I really truly believed I could give quin a family, and when he broke up with me the only thing I could say was" i wanted this soo bad for quintin" and he was like "i can still be in quins life but not yours because quin has no males in his life" :cry: and I had to decided not to, because if i had a choice to pick a male role model in his life I want it to be someone who wouldn't steal,lie,cheat , almost hit my mom with a car :cry: I just wish I could give quintin that, i really really do.



laurenburch said:


> Ally, same happened here. I cry about it all the time. I feel like I'm getting desperate for Kayla to have her dad around, but he makes such bad decisions.

:hugs::hugs:


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## AriannasMama

:hugs: to all of you.

Anyone need a FOB? :winkwink:


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## abbSTAR

NONE EVER! Didn't want him, so will never deserve him!
I have an amazing partner, and he's a great daddy! So FOB can f*ck off for good and can fight through the courts to prove he really want to see harley.. Doubt he ever will! OH plans to adopt Harley.. And for now I don't plan on telling Harley unless he finds reason to ask or when he's old enough to understand :flow:


----------



## abbSTAR

Oh and he has no right anyway because he's not on the birth certificate :flow:


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

abbSTAR said:


> NONE EVER! Didn't want him, so will never deserve him!
> I have an amazing partner, and he's a great daddy! So FOB can f*ck off for good and can fight through the courts to prove he really want to see harley.. Doubt he ever will! *OH plans to adopt Harley..* And for now I don't plan on telling Harley unless he finds reason to ask or when he's old enough to understand :flow:

Good for him! :thumbup:

I think I'm so eager to settle down with someone because whoever I marry is going to adopt Olivia. Not like I'd force them to do it, I just wouldn't bother getting involved with someone who was opposed to the idea, kwim?
It's for legal reasons, really. FOB isn't on the B/C and as long as that remains blank there's a chance he could come back and take her. But if I get married and my husband adopts her, FOB could show up, positive DNA test in hand and would STILL be given no rights by the state of NJ because she's already been adopted by another father.


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## Tiffyx3

I can't currently say whether FOB will be involved! But my best friend's step-dad has been around since before she was born, and her Mum explained it to her by saying 'You have a daddy who made you, and a daddy who loves you' which I always thought was rather sweet :)


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## MissMamma

i am struggling at the moment because with all my heart i hate the man i made a child with and do not particularly think he is a good role model for a child but at the same time am desperate for Raphi to have a father :wacko:
he is a nasty piece of work but would it be better to have him in the picture or out? i just dont know
i am even past caring about myself now. its not about whether i'm lonely or happy or sad its about a girl having a daddy :/


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## smatheson

Tiffyx3 said:


> I can't currently say whether FOB will be involved! But my best friend's step-dad has been around since before she was born, and her Mum explained it to her by saying 'You have a daddy who made you, and a daddy who loves you' which I always thought was rather sweet :)

Something similiar happened to my cousin although her stepdad wasnt around when she was little. She has never met her real father, but her step father is so amazing and treats her no differently than her little brother who is his bio son. Anyone can be a father, but a daddy is someone who is there for your child and that doesnt mean they have to be blood related. There are so many amazing dads who arent the bio dad:thumbup:


----------

