# 18wks fluid gone and baby has died Please advise



## majored

Hello All, im 18 weeks and Thursday just gone my waters started to go. They did a scan on Friday to inform me that the baby only had 1cm of fluid around it. 

last night at home i used my doppler and i couldnt find the HB so the hospital told me to come in. They also had a go with the doppler and couldnt find anything either.

This morning i had a scan and there was no fluid it had all gone, baby wasnt moving and no Hb. Ive got to go back again tomorrow for another scan to comfrim things. 

Then the hole thing can begin. I know its like giving birth etc. 
However the doctors have worried me about the fact of too much bleeding or the placenta not coming out then having to have a operation to sort it all out.
This is my third pregnancy and my other two were normal pregnancies but were sections.

So i hope things will be quick with out problems. Ive just got over the fact of 
loosing this baby and its still not over, i dont know what to expect and a little frightened about all this all. Any advise would be great 

Thanks xx


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## jojo23

im so sorry for your loss hun!! i lost my little girl at 22 weeks and they said the fluid was very low around her also but im not 100% sure what exactly it was...all i can say is for me the birth was the easy part, i was brought in and given a tablet on the monday to lower hormone levels etc and then on the wednesday i went back in and was admitted, i was then given the meds to start the labour process, i wasnt in any pain and i felt my watrs break but im not sure about what way they approach having no fluid at all.... and then she came and that was it. please dont be scared of it hun it,afterwards i chose to see her, some women dont but i knew i would regret it, i was expecting an alien like little thing but she was really lovely! the nurse showed us everything and then took her away and i saw her the next day to say goodbye!

take your time with decisions hun, they are yours to make and dont let anyone make them for you!! ask any questions you need to ask and get all the info you need... cry all the tears you want your entitled to!!!! 

if you need anything we are always here for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx sleep tight little angel


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## mhazzab

I actually saw your thread last night in the second tri forum, I didn't want to reply as I was really hoping things would work out well for you, and I didn't want to scare you.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

I think you will have to give birth and go through all the contractions etc and it is heartbreaking doing this knowing what the outcome will be, and I'm so sad you will have to go through this. I think some people at your gestation have been given a different option, to have baby removed by a D&E I think it's called, hopefully someone else can give you more information.

I can't give much advice on being induced or further ops after birth to remove placenta, as neither of these happened to me, my body went into labour by itself and was a pretty straightforward birth, it was just too soon. But I know there are others on here who have been through this who could perhaps give you advice.

Have the docs said anything about what will happen next, if they confirm things?

please feel free to ask as many questions as you like we will do our best to anwer them
xx


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## SarahJane

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:

Jojo is right, the hardest moment has passed. Finding out that your baby has become an angel was, for me, the toughest part. As hard as it is to believe, the emotional pain is much worse than any physical pain you could imagine.

In a strange way I look back on giving birth to Evelyn and can smile. There isn't much I could have given her but I gave her life and when she was born it was a weirdly happy moment.

I wont lie, labour will hurt a lot but they will give you drugs to make it as easy as possible and they will support you.

I was warned about a further operation also but this wasn't needed as baby came out fully with the placenta. The op they would do is a D and E (I think) to remove anything which hasn't come out naturally, it is not a massivly risky operation from what I read when I was about to have Evelyn.

If you want to ask anything at all PM me and I hope the coming days, weeks and months are kind to you xxx


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## majored

Thank you for your replies. At the moment i feel empty i dont know if thats the correct word to use. Its like its not happening to me and i think i have shut it all out to tell you the truth.

Ive done a lot of worrying and crying in this pregnancy as ive had a sch and been bleeding for quite a while. I know i shouldnt look for things to blame but you do. Is it something ive done or didnt do. Was it the Sch, did i not rest enough, eat the right things. Maybe because i was stressed out and had been crying. I tried my best to not stress out but i sometimes i couldnt help it.


Either way its now happened and ive got to face facts. 

thanks for your kind thoughts ladies xx


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## SarahJane

majored said:


> Thank you for your replies. At the moment i feel empty i dont know if thats the correct word to use. Its like its not happening to me and i think i have shut it all out to tell you the truth.
> 
> Ive done a lot of worrying and crying in this pregnancy as ive had a sch and been bleeding for quite a while. I know i shouldnt look for things to blame but you do. Is it something ive done or didnt do. Was it the Sch, did i not rest enough, eat the right things. Maybe because i was stressed out and had been crying. I tried my best to not stress out but i sometimes i couldnt help it.
> 
> 
> Either way its now happened and ive got to face facts.
> 
> thanks for your kind thoughts ladies xx

Nothing you did made any difference babe. It isn't your fault. It is normal to feel empty, I didn't cry for days. It is also normal to try to find something to blame. It is all part of the healing process. I can promise you that nothing you did hurt your baby. My consultant told me that when I delivered Evelyn. It has taken me 8 months to start to believe it but I am getting there :hugs:


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## mhazzab

i think I went into denial...I went into labour on the Sunday night and my waters broke, but after that, everything stopped for 24 hours. In that time, I don't really remember much, I think I just switched off, and it was like that after I gave birth, I couldn't cry I was just so shocked.

Please don't blame yourself or think that this is your fault. It's normal to feel this way, we all felt this, but, if you could have done anything to prevent this, you would have. There's nothing you could have done.

The next few days, weeks and months ahead will be hard, but you're not alone, if you want support then we are all here for you, whatever you need.

please keep us updated xxx


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## Hellylou

Hi, I'm so sorry for your loss, and that you have had to come here under such circumstances. 

I lost my baby boy at 16 weeks after my waters broke early and I had signs of infection also. I had to be induced after it became clear that the pregnancy stood no chance. It was a relatively quick process once the decision had been made, and I took tablets orally to start contractions off, and 5 hours later he was born. It was painful, but with pain relief it was manageable pain. The emotional pain was by far the worst element. The placenta was delivered naturally also, just over an hour later.

I know how it feels to look back and wonder what if I had done this or that, would the outcome be different, but no, it is nothing you did or didn't do. It is a terrible tragic event that is out of everyone's control.

As others have said, take your time with the decisions that you will have to make over the coming days and weeks, and it can be very overwhelming, but do what feels right for you and your family - there is no right or wrong here. It will be a tough road ahead, but you will get through it day by day, and we are all here to support you whenever you need us.

Again, I am so sorry you are going through this. Thinking of you :hugs:


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## winterwonder

Oh hun i am so so sorry you are going through this and for the loss of our precious baby. Try not to blame yourself, it isn't your fault, if you need any support the ladies here are amazing!

Concerning what will happen i think unless labour naturally occurs i think they will likely induce you. Thats what they did to me, you'll have a tablet that will start to get your body ready and then (this is what happened with me) a few days later they'll call you back and give you more tablets to bring on contractions and hopefully everything will be alright afterwards and you wont need to have your placenta removed manually like i did. 

I'm sorry if that sounds all scary but it will be fine and hopefully the nurses will look after you and help you make some memories of you little one.

xxx


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## Bride2b

Hey Hun,I saw ur initial thread on the 2nd tri forum a few days ago...just happened to see the title about leaking fluid. My heart breaks for you as when I read it I knew that the odds for your baby was so slim. I know this because a little under 2 weeks ago I went through the exact same thing as you,I kept checking in and saw your progress but didn't want to post anything. My waters broke and gushed out,they gave me the whole waiting for infection talk & possible termination of the pregnancy too if I didn't go into labour. I was just over 19 weeks. For me it all happened quickly,my baby still had a heart beat,my waters broke at 3pm & contractions stopped for a few hours,returning intensely later that evening & I gave birth at 11.30pm.

Everything you described is what I went through,I really hoped for you that you wouldn't need to find your way here. I know what ur feeling & want to you ask questions & cry if you need to.

The doctors told me that they would induce labor if it didn't start naturally & that I would have to give birth. I had pethadin & luckily labour didn't go on for hours.

You have time to think about what you would like for your baby. I did hold my little boy but not for long.....if you decide to take as long with your baby as you need. The hospital did hand & foot prints...which I treasure as I have nothing else for him. I decided against a photo as I didn't think it was a good idea. I wish now that I had got one,they may offer it to you,if your unsure have one taken but maybe kept in your notes until you decide that you want to see it. These are all very personal choices & it's awful that I am telling you these things but that time once your baby is born is precious & it's a chance for you to spend time. I was not prepared for anything & I'm not sure I made all the right decisions as I had to make them on the spot,as hard as it is I think it's important to think about these things.

Please stay in touch,it's been 2 weeks tomorrow for me & I have gone through all what you have with the hope of keeping the baby in as long as possible to try and replenish the waters. If you need to ask anything then please do...even if you think it's personal...please don't try & get through this alone

Take care xxxx


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## TrinUC

majored said:


> Hello All, im 18 weeks and Thursday just gone my waters started to go. They did a scan on Friday to inform me that the baby only had 1cm of fluid around it.
> 
> last night at home i used my doppler and i couldnt find the HB so the hospital told me to come in. They also had a go with the doppler and couldnt find anything either.
> 
> This morning i had a scan and there was no fluid it had all gone, baby wasnt moving and no Hb. Ive got to go back again tomorrow for another scan to comfrim things.
> 
> Then the hole thing can begin. I know its like giving birth etc.
> However the doctors have worried me about the fact of too much bleeding or the placenta not coming out then having to have a operation to sort it all out.
> This is my third pregnancy and my other two were normal pregnancies but were sections.
> 
> So i hope things will be quick with out problems. Ive just got over the fact of
> loosing this baby and its still not over, i dont know what to expect and a little frightened about all this all. Any advise would be great
> 
> Thanks xx

Hi, I'm sorry for your loss. I had the same thing. They did an ultrasound to confirm that my water had broke. Almost all the amniotic fluid was gone, except for just a little bit around her head. My baby was still alive and her heart was barely beating. They sent a specialist in to speak with me and he said it was only a matter of time before her heart stopped completely. They gave me the option of letting my body go into labor naturally or receive cytotec to put me into labor.. the doctor said oxytocin [aka pitocin] wouldn't help me since I was still "early" in my pregnancy. 

My OH and I decided to choose the cytotec because there was also a risk of me catching an infection since my water bag had already ruptured and my OH didn't want to lose the both of us. I let the nurse know I had decided on the cytotec and she called the doctor, the doctor said I could have an epidural when ever I wanted it. I wanted it ASAP because the contractions were bad. The anesthesiologist inserted the epidural catheter and then the nurse inserted a foley and then placed the cytotec around 1pm Monday and by 4pm I delivered my baby. The delivery of the baby was simple, I was laying in bed and felt a very strong contraction and then something fell between my legs (TMI, sorry) The placenta is what gave me the most trouble, it tore upon delivery so I then went to the OR for an emergency D&C (dilation and curettage). I was awake from the procedure, but I could not feel a thing. With the epidural for the delivery I was numb, but could wiggle my toes, when I was headed to the OR the anesthesiologist pushed more medicine and told me I was going to be more numb, to the point where I could not wiggle my toes anymore, that was very true. The D&C took about 15 minutes, but it felt like 5. It was very fast.

I was very frightened as well, but everything turned out okay.. well minus the baby part :nope:



majored said:


> Thank you for your replies. At the moment i feel empty i dont know if thats the correct word to use. Its like its not happening to me and i think i have shut it all out to tell you the truth.
> 
> Ive done a lot of worrying and crying in this pregnancy as ive had a sch and been bleeding for quite a while. I know i shouldnt look for things to blame but you do. Is it something ive done or didnt do. Was it the Sch, did i not rest enough, eat the right things. Maybe because i was stressed out and had been crying. I tried my best to not stress out but i sometimes i couldnt help it.
> 
> 
> Either way its now happened and ive got to face facts.
> 
> thanks for your kind thoughts ladies xx

I know it's hard to think it was your fault, but it wasn't. I was on bed rest for 2 weeks before all of this happened, it was just meant to be. I was blaming myself a lot (and still am) because I have an anxiety disorder so I keep thinking all the anxiety I was having caused this. When I got discharged, I was having pain and I convinced myself that I didn't deserve to take my pain medicine because I deserved to be in pain and to be punished, but I snap back to reality and remember it wasn't my fault. You'll be back and forth with blaming yourself, but please know that it wasn't your fault.

Wish you the best, Michelle:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

I am so sorry you are going through this :cry::cry::cry::cry:
I lost Ava at 20 weeks, I was set up for a D&E (I didn't know at the time what that was) anyway after I got home I googled and I found out what a D&E was and I didn't want it, but the doctor said I was already going to get it, I was prepared and had to be at the hospital in the morning. I didn't go, I went into labor about 5-am and she was out a 6-am :cry::cry::cry: I have 3 boys so I knew this would be a fast birth and the pain would be maybe 2 hours, that was true for me. So i let it happen and gave birth in my home .. They would not let me give birth they awere insisting I had to get the D&E. After I had her we went to the hospital and we held Ava and we buried her on 3/11/2011. I would not advise anyone to do what I did, but a D&E was never explained to me, if it had been I would have chosen to give birth. They said it would have been explained to me before the procedure, I said I don;t care I would have not done it and that was it. My doctor was livid he didn't even call the hospital to see how I was, he said I could have bled to death and a number of other things, but I didn't care. Ava came into this world the way I wanted to not the way they wanted her to. 

My SIL also lost her baby at 16 weeks, 7 weeks after I lost Ava :cry::cry::cry: She chose to have the D&E and I respect her choice, it was not for me is all. 

I just am so sorry you are going through this, but the fact that this is your third pregnancy might mean your labor will be fast and quick, it is usually with your first child that labor is long and hard. My 1st son was 22 hrs labor my second and third were 2 hrs, that is how I knew Ava would come fast. I had no pain at all. For the first week I was in complete denial, I didn't even cry. After that I went to bed and didn't get out till 2 weeks and now 9 months later I still cry every day. Things are a better now , but it takes a lot of time. This grieving process never ends but it does ease. I wish you all the best and I hope everything is gentle on you and your body.. I am so sorry ..We are all here for you :cry::cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## DueSeptember

*I am sorry for your Loss *


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## majored

I wish to thank all of your for your support. Your stories have touched me and made me shed a tear, at times life can be so unfair. Your stories have also helped me, in understanding things better. I know at times i feel on my own with all of this like im the only one. Howeve.r there are so many other women going through it and have been through it as well

While i was pregnant i worried about me sch and cried often then i worried about birth as i needed another section and a leaflet that was given to me about birth after a section. Well it gave some very frightening facts, and made me cry every day.

I dont know if the worry has caused this as i bleed for many weeks and this restricted my life a little bit and i never got to enjoy pregnancy.

Now my waters have gone, baby gone and ive got to give birth. They said im too far gone to have any medical procedure. They said its got to be done with medication, then went on to tell me all the problems with that. So once again im worrying about how long it will take and what will happen. I know nobody can give me times etc. He told me if the placenta doesnt come out within an hour then it means it will be stuck and i will need an op. So im worried about bleeding etc

I will need to look at the baby when its born, for me to except things better and i dont want to regret it later, as you cant turn back the clock. If only this happened in a month or so time things may have been different. 

I still can get out of my head the vision of the scan this morning, the baby was so hard to make out. No water it was all gone, poor baby all squashed up in a ball and it was so hard to make things out. I could make out a hand and the head.

My other two children do not know whats happened (their 12 & 15) and christmas coming up as well. When your ment to be happy and be having a good time. I know i will need to be strong and try and carry on as best as i can and at times i will fail.

Thank you all again.... I just hope i can get through this and come out the other side. xxx


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## hayley x

I'm so sorry for your loss :( thinking of you xxx


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## SarahJane

Your baby will be beautiful. Enjoy every second you get xxx


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## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry. This is such a terrible, heartbreaking thing to go through. I would advise to go into the hospital for an induction, and would advise to not do it at home. I had my DS at 17 weeks at home, and almost bled to death. I had to have blood transfusions, and I had to have emergency surgery, where they thought I would need an emergency hysterectomy to remove my placenta. it was very, very scary. So if you have the choice go in and be induced. I again, and am so, so sorry. I would also suggest to hold, and name your sweet baby, and spend some time with your baby, it really does help. Again, I am so, so sorry. Lots and lots of hugs to you!


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## majored

SarahJane, i have just relised your sad loss as well. Please take care xx


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## Nikki_d72

Oh Hun I'm so sorry. I hate it whenever a new lady has to join us. Your situation was so similar to mine, I lost all my waters in a huge gush at 19+ weeks, went on hospital bed rest for 6 days but then my body went into labour. My boys were still alive before then though so I was willing myself not to. I'm so sorry you had to find out that your baby had passed at the scan honey, this is so unfair, I know. Hold onto the knowledge that your lovely wee angel has passed and nothing can hurt your baby, I tortured myself about labour killing mine and birth killing the second twin and made things so much worse for myself trying to hold them in against my body, which increased the pain for me and prolonged things. 

The hospital staff will support you, let them know what's happening, I hid it from them that I was labouring so only really had gas and air once I was actually birthing. The pain wasn't too bad though, only really got on top of me enough to need the gas and air when I was actually birthing and that was only for a really short time and my placenta came with the second twin, try not to worry about having a manual removal just now, it may not happen. they have to tell you these risks. they will probably give you the injection in your thigh to help the placenta detach and stem bleeding, I had it even after I delivered it, just as a precaution as Post partum bleeding is a risk at this gestation, that's why it's important to be attended in hospital.

I would second getting pictures, even if you don't want to see them just now, it's better to have them and decide later than not have them and regret it. Try to spend as much time as you want, don't worry about what anyone else thinks, you do what's right for you. 

I'm so sorry to be having to tell you these things though, it breaks my heart that any other family is having to go through this. I hope you keep in touch with us and we can try to help you through the times ahead. Christmas is going to be so difficult for you, as it will for all of us but things are so raw and fresh for you, I really feel for you. Try not to expect too much of yourself. Others will understand if you can't participate fully.

I hope your induction goes smoothly for you and you are well cared-for. Much love to you and your family xxx

ETA: Nothing you did/didn't do caused this, you will go through a phase of trying to blame everything and yourself, I'll tell you not to but I know you will anyway, just please don't let that consume you as it's simply not true. It was completely out of your control and I know that in itself is hard to accept. The SCH and bleeding is likely to have weakened the membranes, the thrombin in the blood is known to be a factor, this is one of the things I've seen many times when researching pPROM. I'm not sure if that will help you or not to know that but thought I should share what knowledge I've gleaned as I'm sure the doctors will discuss it with you later and it may stop you from thinking it was anything you did that caused it. That's n ot to say that every woman who bleeds is going to experience pPROM either though, it seems to be very complex and no doctors seem to fully understand it. Hope that Helps, I'm sorry if it upsets you though.


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## rossyrozela

majored said:


> Hello All, im 18 weeks and Thursday just gone my waters started to go. They did a scan on Friday to inform me that the baby only had 1cm of fluid around it.
> 
> last night at home i used my doppler and i couldnt find the HB so the hospital told me to come in. They also had a go with the doppler and couldnt find anything either.
> 
> This morning i had a scan and there was no fluid it had all gone, baby wasnt moving and no Hb. Ive got to go back again tomorrow for another scan to comfrim things.
> 
> Then the hole thing can begin. I know its like giving birth etc.
> However the doctors have worried me about the fact of too much bleeding or the placenta not coming out then having to have a operation to sort it all out.
> This is my third pregnancy and my other two were normal pregnancies but were sections.
> 
> So i hope things will be quick with out problems. Ive just got over the fact of
> loosing this baby and its still not over, i dont know what to expect and a little frightened about all this all. Any advise would be great
> 
> Thanks xx

Sorry to hear about your pain,you are in the right place here,i feel your pain,i was 20 wks pregant and had to have atermination due to chromosoes abnormality,like you i had had two previous c-sections .What i did experiance was alot of burning pain in the same spot where i had my c-section cut.This happens when they had put in the tablet that is supposed to make your cervix dilate.The pain was so bad i tried everything and i was also given an injection for pain relief and it didnt work.The pain is so bad.Mine was done at Maristopes and i believe that if it is carried out in ahospital you will be offered plenty of pain relief.
The one i had was called surgical termination.
Also my consultant told me before then that if i have a surgical termination after previously having 2 c-sections then when i will get pregnnat again iam likely to misscarry ,i dont know how she worked tht out but i have another appointment next week and i will ask.Iam seeing asenior consultant.


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## majored

Hello all, ive been to hospital today i had my scan which confirmed everything. I had bloods taken to show i was ok. Then i was given my first tablet as well as me taking my antibiotics. I dont feel as bad today as yesterday, i do feel more calm. I feel quite tired at the moment but i dont think i could go to sleep. I filled in all my forms and was told of all the risks and yes im still worrying about them. At the scan i asked the size of the baby as its something ive got to pass.

So tomorrow im at home resting and im back in Wednesday morning for things to start.

Im sure on Wednesday im going to be a nervous wreck but reading all your messages have helped me understand more about whats going to happen.

They said they will do hand prints, foot prints and take a photo. 

thank you for your time. 

sarah


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## SarahJane

I am glad you feel a little bit calmer. I am also so pleased that they are going to do hand and footprints for you. Sands have a great website which gives some ideas of things you might like to happen when you meet your baby. It is well worth a look. 

If you can get some rest, it will help although I know how hard that will be as I didn't sleep at all.

Try not to worry, you are in the safest possible place and they will look after you. Make sure you get the pain relief you need, you do not need to be brave.

If you want to ask anything at all, no matter how silly it may sound, ask away, someone in here will know the answer.

Hope the next couple of days are kind to you. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday as I am also in hospital having my d and c that day :'(


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## majored

Sorry for this sounding silly, when you give birth do you have to push or does it just all come away?

I dont want to make things worse like bleeding if i push and im not ment to.

Thanks xx


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## mhazzab

majored said:


> Sorry for this sounding silly, when you give birth do you have to push or does it just all come away?
> 
> I dont want to make things worse like bleeding if i push and im not ment to.
> 
> Thanks xx

No question is silly ask away...

I was told just to push when I felt the need. This was my first birth but as far as I know it was just going through the same motions as any other. For me the pushing part didn't take long because the babies were much smaller than full term and came out easily xx


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## winterwonder

majored said:


> Sorry for this sounding silly, when you give birth do you have to push or does it just all come away?
> 
> I dont want to make things worse like bleeding if i push and im not ment to.
> 
> Thanks xx


I know everyone seems to have different experiences but i did have to push my little boy out, and then i suppose if everything goes ok you'll push you placenta out too they usually give that injection in your thigh. And obviously you'll be offered all the usually methods of pain relief, as you dont know how long it will take. On the day i went in, i started contractions around 1 in the afternoon and went in to proper labour at about 10 at night and gave birth at 1.50 in the morning, but everyones different i didnt react well to the medication or the pain relief, which is why they had to keep giving me the meds to dilate your cervix.

I hope that helps.

lots of :hugs:


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## SarahJane

I was told exactly the same. They didn't examine me at all, I just did everything totally naturally and listened to my body. When baby was about to come it felt a bit like when you are desparate for a number 2 (sorry if TMI) You naturally want to push so that's what you do. 

Paul was really worried when we went in as we hadn't done any ante natal classes so he asked the midwife how we were supposed to breathe. She replied "in and out"!


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## Nikki_d72

majored said:


> Sorry for this sounding silly, when you give birth do you have to push or does it just all come away?
> 
> I dont want to make things worse like bleeding if i push and im not ment to.
> 
> Thanks xx

Nothing silly in that at all! Ask anything, honestly hon, one of us will have been there or thought it, no matter how strange it may seem to you. Just ask anything.

I think it depends, usually your body will just take over and do it, I was trying like hell not to and my body just took over and pushed them out anyway (but my case was a wee bit different as I knew at least one of them was still alive so I was fighting it, like I said, try not to fight it). If you relax as much as possible you will make it easier for yourself, I know that's hard though. They are skinny wee things at this gestation so they do slip out pretty easily, it's nothing like a full term birth. When I was on bed rest hoping they would stay my cervix was slightly dilated and my Ob told me that if it went even to 4cm the babies could drop out, so you don't have to dilate far. I also had a previous C/Section but did labour to nearly the end so can compare a bit. I'm not sure if you experienced labour before with your other two but it's nothing like it, please try not to worry. My previous C/S made no difference to labouring and delivering this time, as I was asking them that as I had a tear to my uterus last time. Please try not to worry about the technicalities, the medical staff will be with you helping you every step of the way hon. I hope it goes smoothly for you hon, I'll be thinking of you. I would check out the SANDS website too, it is of great help.

All the best, hope to hear from you soon. xxx


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## OliveBay

So sorry to hear you are going through this 

I lost my baby boy at 22 weeks - he just stopped moving so I went to get checked out and a scan showed he had died. I was induced a couple of days later and was dreading going back into hospital to deliver him a few days after that. By the time I went back in, I actually felt quite calm and strong enough to deal with it. Like I'd got over the initial shock and horror and was ready for that next step. Its amazing where you get your strength from- even now I don't know how on earth we got through it. The contractions did hurt and I wish I'd asked for pain relief earlier, but once my waters broke it was all very quick and just took one small push - like the other ladies said, babies at this stage are so small. Even though it is like a normal delivery in some ways, it is usually quicker and things don't have to stretch as much.

The hospital were great for us and gave us lots of choices about what we wanted after the birth. We chose to see our baby, named him, held him and took lots of pictures of him, including pictures of us holding him. I was expecting to feel horrified by the whole process, but I just felt proud and protective of my little boy. 

Just do what is right for you, although you might not know what this is going to be until the time comes. You will get through it. I wish you lots of love and strength at this difficult time :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Hellylou

majored said:


> Sorry for this sounding silly, when you give birth do you have to push or does it just all come away?
> 
> I dont want to make things worse like bleeding if i push and im not ment to.
> 
> Thanks xx

My heart is breaking for you, hun, it really is. :cry:

For me, I wasn't pushing, but just breathing through contractions, which were just like my previous labours, but smaller, because it was such a little bump this time around. I felt something start to emerge and called the nurses, who looked and told me to bear down, and in one small push he was out. They clamped the cord, and I delivered the placenta about an hour later, although that was a little harder to push out.

I'm thinking of you :hugs:


----------



## Vickieh1981

I am guessing I amtoo late replying if you went in today butwanted to add my support anyway.

There is an increased risk that the placenta will be retained afterwards and this happened for me. I ended up in theatre for a d&c to deliver the placenta but tbh I didn't care by then. I had delivered and seen my little girl and that's all I cared about. The recovery from the D&C was fine 

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's not something that any of us should go through


----------



## majored

Nikki_d72 said:


> majored said:
> 
> 
> Sorry for this sounding silly, when you give birth do you have to push or does it just all come away?
> 
> I dont want to make things worse like bleeding if i push and im not ment to.
> 
> Thanks xx
> 
> Nothing silly in that at all! Ask anything, honestly hon, one of us will have been there or thought it, no matter how strange it may seem to you. Just ask anything.
> 
> I think it depends, usually your body will just take over and do it, I was trying like hell not to and my body just took over and pushed them out anyway (but my case was a wee bit different as I knew at least one of them was still alive so I was fighting it, like I said, try not to fight it). If you relax as much as possible you will make it easier for yourself, I know that's hard though. They are skinny wee things at this gestation so they do slip out pretty easily, it's nothing like a full term birth. When I was on bed rest hoping they would stay my cervix was slightly dilated and my Ob told me that if it went even to 4cm the babies could drop out, so you don't have to dilate far. I also had a previous C/Section but did labour to nearly the end so can compare a bit. I'm not sure if you experienced labour before with your other two but it's nothing like it, please try not to worry. My previous C/S made no difference to labouring and delivering this time, as I was asking them that as I had a tear to my uterus last time. Please try not to worry about the technicalities, the medical staff will be with you helping you every step of the way hon. I hope it goes smoothly for you hon, I'll be thinking of you. I would check out the SANDS website too, it is of great help.
> 
> All the best, hope to hear from you soon. xxxClick to expand...




I did go through labour with both of my other children but only managed to get to 9cm with both and ended up both times having a section. With my son they induced me at 37 weeks and he just didnt want to come out. labour lasted 18 hours before the section. With my daughter it happened faster and within 3 hours i got to 9 cm but it didnt progress, so another section. 

The doctor was a bit worried about my scar, which in turn has now me worry.
As i hadnt thought about it to tell you the truth. I would assume it would only become a problem if i got to 10cm which shouldnt be an issue.

Ive asked about an injection to deliver and they said they dont think they will do this as its something that they do later in pregnancy not this early. So slightly worried about that.











Can i ask also afterwards did you bleed alot like you had a bad miscarriage or was it like a period. I was ment to be going to kent this weekend but i dont know if im going to be able to travel. My partner doesnt want me to go.

thanks once again.

xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

I bled about the same as I did after having DD, it's lochia rather than like a period, so a bit mucousy (sorry TMI) but quite constant and I had cramps as my uterus shrunk back to size but it had 2 in there so wuold have been a lot more distended. 

I got to 9cm as well before being sectioned, this time was nothing like it honey. I was in transition before the pain got to me at all and I'm no martyr. Gas and air was sufficient, but I was glad of it and as soon as they were born the pain was over, except for the emotional pain, obviously.

I think they have to keep a bit of an eye on your scar as they are inducing you, but I'm sure they will keep a close eye on you. The lower segment of your uterus (where the scar is, unless you had a classical, vertical C/S?) isn't well developed this early in pregnancy, so wont be contractile anyway, so it shouldn't put any strain on your scar. They weren't worried about mine as I asked the same thing, for this reason, though I wasn't induced. There are lots of women who are able to have full term vaginal births after 2 C/S's as well, please try not to worry hon. xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

P.S you do what feels right for you but I doubt very much you'll feel like travelling to Kent, I would keep my options open regarding that one. xxx


----------



## SarahJane

My bleeding wasn't too bad, it lasted 2 weeks and was just a bit like a period. I was fine to do things slowly straight away although I got a bit frustrated that I was to sore to do things like housework etc. I ended up buying a lightweight hoover as I was so peed off!

If you feel up to travelling mentally then you certainly should be ok to go physically. I forced myself to do things instantly straight after loss. I was scared of allowing myself to get depressed as I have suffered from depression before. I therefore just got on with life, got a haircut, went shopping and did everything to meet every single person I knew so I didn't ever have to face someone who would feel awkward.

It is a very personal thing though, I have a friend who barely left the house after her loss and that worked for her.

As others have said, you shouldn't need to dliate that much. I loved giving birth to Evelyn, it was a wonderful experience.


----------



## Bride2b

Just wanted to show my support like the other ladies. This was my first pregnancy so I had no idea of what labour was going to be like and I didnt have time to think about it really as everything happened so suddenly. All I will say is that its not put me off having more children & having Bertie has given me strength to go on and not be fearful of child birth. I know he was small so it was easy to push him out (only very slight pushes) and also small pushes for the placenta. I dont know much about c-sections, but others on here have some experience.

With regards to the bleeding mine was heavy for at least a week. Its now much lighter (2 weeks on). I felt very light headed and very weak for at least a week afterwards. I still feel very tired. If you feel like travelling then go for it, but dont expect much from yourself as your feelings might change.

Hope all goes as well as it can tomorrow, will be thinking of you.xx


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## Nikki_d72

Just thinking of you just now, I know you may already be on your way to hospital but I wanted to wish you well and let you know I'm thinking of you. xxx


----------



## Vickieh1981

I didn;t bleed too badly after but it went on for a long time. Quite a few weeks.


----------



## babylou

I am so sorry about your loss.

I had the tablet a couple of days before as you have done, and pesseries to kick start contractions. I delivered Samuel at 15/16 weeks, and it was nothing like the pain of delivering full term. I hardly felt the contractions, although I knew they were happening. However, I failed to deliver the placenta so had to go for the D & C, but to be honest, I was ready for that, after everything else it wasn't a big thing. (And I am a bit of a scaredy when it comes to yukky stuff).

My thoughts are with you 

Take care xxx:hugs:


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## Bride2b

Thinking of you today hun xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

I had Ava on March 3rd I bled for about 2 weeks and got my AF on April 10th, it was heavy but short, only 3 days . Just know you are in my prayers and I am thinking of you. I am just so deeply sorry this is happening :cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## SarahJane

Thinking of you today xxx


----------



## waiting_game

So sorry for your loss amor <3 I read your story and it was truly heartbreaking. Though we had different circumstances, the outcome was the same. I got induced at about halfway thru my 21 week, as babygirls heartbeat rapidly began to decrease, because of being so dilated, i was leaking fluid as well. 
The labor wasnt so bad, but they gave me medication to calm me down (anxiety meds i guess). But I never got a follow up, or a D&C afterwards. My bleeding was pretty intense for about 2 weeks and though it has been four months now, I am still having tissue and clots coming out, in heavy amounts (tmi sorry).
If you have doubts, or questions I would never hesitate to bring it up. Its most important that during this difficult time, that you are made as comfortable as possbile.
Keeping you in prayer. <3


----------



## rossyrozela

majored said:
 

> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> majored said:
> 
> 
> Sorry for this sounding silly, when you give birth do you have to push or does it just all come away?
> 
> I dont want to make things worse like bleeding if i push and im not ment to.
> 
> Thanks xx
> 
> Nothing silly in that at all! Ask anything, honestly hon, one of us will have been there or thought it, no matter how strange it may seem to you. Just ask anything.
> 
> I think it depends, usually your body will just take over and do it, I was trying like hell not to and my body just took over and pushed them out anyway (but my case was a wee bit different as I knew at least one of them was still alive so I was fighting it, like I said, try not to fight it). If you relax as much as possible you will make it easier for yourself, I know that's hard though. They are skinny wee things at this gestation so they do slip out pretty easily, it's nothing like a full term birth. When I was on bed rest hoping they would stay my cervix was slightly dilated and my Ob told me that if it went even to 4cm the babies could drop out, so you don't have to dilate far. I also had a previous C/Section but did labour to nearly the end so can compare a bit. I'm not sure if you experienced labour before with your other two but it's nothing like it, please try not to worry. My previous C/S made no difference to labouring and delivering this time, as I was asking them that as I had a tear to my uterus last time. Please try not to worry about the technicalities, the medical staff will be with you helping you every step of the way hon. I hope it goes smoothly for you hon, I'll be thinking of you. I would check out the SANDS website too, it is of great help.
> 
> All the best, hope to hear from you soon. xxxClick to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I did go through labour with both of my other children but only managed to get to 9cm with both and ended up both times having a section. With my son they induced me at 37 weeks and he just didnt want to come out. labour lasted 18 hours before the section. With my daughter it happened faster and within 3 hours i got to 9 cm but it didnt progress, so another section.
> 
> The doctor was a bit worried about my scar, which in turn has now me worry.
> As i hadnt thought about it to tell you the truth. I would assume it would only become a problem if i got to 10cm which shouldnt be an issue.
> 
> Ive asked about an injection to deliver and they said they dont think they will do this as its something that they do later in pregnancy not this early. So slightly worried about that.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Can i ask also afterwards did you bleed alot like you had a bad miscarriage or was it like a period. I was ment to be going to kent this weekend but i dont know if im going to be able to travel. My partner doesnt want me to go.
> 
> thanks once again.
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

I understand your worry,i was worried too because i had had 2 previous c-section and i had never experianced labour,my consultant also told me that if i do get pregnant again iw ould suffer amisscarriage but i will risk it.
I had surgical temination and you dont have to push,it is in two stages first they put the tablet to dilate your cervix and to bring on the contractions .They leave you for 3 hours then they take you to the theater under GA and they remove the product.


----------



## majored

Hello ladies, thank you for all your messages.

Just to let all you know. I had a light stomach ache tue night but went to bed. Wednesday morning i started to spot which turned from brown to red. I sat on the toilet about 8.45 am and something started to come out. I wasnt in any pain. I managed to get dressed, sort my stuff out then into the car and get to the hospital. All the time i was trying to hold everything in, frightened what might happen and i might bleed. Started to feel pain in the hospital lift and just got to lay on my bed and i relaxed , then the baby came out. I didnt see it as they wrapped it up and cut the cord.

I felt fine and waited for the placenta to come. Nothing happened, so they gave me an injection i felt a few contractions....still no placenta. They then put me on a drip, after 2 hrs still no placenta. They drs started to talk about taking me down for an op. I then started to get upset, thinking about things. I just kept saying to myself can things get any worse in my life. They carried on with the drip and the head dr came in and said any contractions? I hadnt had any for hours... Went to the toilet and i noticed that the cord with the clamp on had dropped so i told them this. However they still wanted me to go for an op. I sat on the toilet pushing and pushing for ages, trying and praying that it would come out so it could all be over. NOTHING!!! i cried and begged them not to take me down. 

The doctor said she would examin me to see if she could see the placenta, i said please do. Well it was ok at first and then the pain. She put her fingers inside the cervix and grabbed the placenta and pulled it out. It wasnt attached it had been laying in the uterus for nearly 5 hours thats why i wasnt contracting. However it wasnt coming out. The pain of her putting her fingers inside had me scream and everything tensed up. She then did it another 2 times to make sure it was all gone. I couldnt stop crying i was in shock. So i then became thankful that it was all out. Because i pushed sooo hard i have now got piles which i quite sore at the moment.

They brought the baby to me and i found out we had a son, Samuel Joseph.. He was very delicate and not at all like i expected him to look. He was quite long and had long arms and fingers. I could see my oh in him. The cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times which distressed me alot. The drs told me this happens a lot but they dont always know about it because the baby can move about so much it normaly corrects itself and they baby can be fine. They took pictures also hand & footprints which were sweet. I then had another look at Samuel again in the eveing. He had changed already in such a short time. I had to look at him i needed to exept he had gone and i had lost him. 

I feel empty now, i went into hospital with him and i left without him. I now have to try and get on with life and think about the little life i loved and now is gone forever. I couldnt help him and i tried my best to do whats right. Im so sorry to him if ive done something wrong, i hope god can forgive me if i have. 

At home now, not bleeding. Ive lost a few small clots this morning but nothing else seems to be coming out. I dont know if thats a good thing, Trying to keep a bit mobile so things come out.

Thanks everyone for everything, take care xxx


----------



## waiting_game

Honey, this was nothing you did, bad things happen to good people. Sometimes, you can do everything possibly right and feel like you have failed, but that is the grief of it all. I am so sorry for your loss, that is such a horrible experience that no one should ever have to go to. It took me about 3 months to be able to pass everything that the doctors did not get out. Will be keeping you and OH in prayers here. Beautiful name for your little boy. <3


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## SarahJane

Oh babe, what a tough time you have had :hugs:

RIP Samuel Joseph, another angel, gone but never forgotten x

You have done nothing wrong, I promise you of that. Take one day at a time and if you need to vent at any time, that is what we are here for. 

Loads and loads of love, I will ask Evelyn to keep an eye on Samuel also xxx


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## dnlfinker

oh I am sorry that u had to go through such hell. Please know that its not your fault and
that you did nothing wrong. We are here to support you in any way taht we can. Now that this nightmare is over, its going to be hard at times, but as time passes you will be able to be stronger . As parents who who went through a loss we always feel guilty as to what we did and didnt do but in reallity we have to just take it 
as a fact of life and it was an accident(unrelated to our pregnancy). I am saying this as many people said it to me , but even now 5 months post my loss , I have hard time to believe it. 

JUst please take good care of yourself right now , and I hope that you can start healing . WHen I say healing I dont mean to act like it never happened, or to move on ( i hate when others say that) but accept it and look at it in a different way.


Wishing you only the best


Natalie


----------



## Hellylou

I am so so sorry, it is a terrible ordeal and such a shock. All of a sudden you are plunged into a nightmare and there is no waking up. It sounds like you have coped so well, and have a lot of inner strength, which will see you through these days ahead but be prepared for some very dark moments. Try if you can to rest, though. You have been through a lot, and your body needs to recover now.

Fly high little Samuel Joseph :hugs:


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## mhazzab

what a beautiful name for a precious little angel.

I'm so sorry again that you are having to go through this. I'm glad you got to spend some time with him, and you have some photos of his hands and feet. You will treasure these forever.

I'm sorry you had such a bad time getting the placenta out - hopefully that's all of it out now.

please don't blame yourself. We have all been guilty of that, but there was nothing any of us could have done, of course we would have saved our babies if we could have.

here for you, always xxx


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## Bride2b

I'm glad you logged on, I was worried about you. I am also glad that things happened quite quickly too and that having him wasnt too painful. I do feel for you with the placenta, thats not nice to have to go through.

I'm pleased you saw him an got photos.

Do rest up though hun, you will need to put your feet up as you have been through a great deal & emotions can have a major physical effect in your body. 

Please stay in touch on here, as most of us have been through the same thing & experienced the same emotions. Take care for now
xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

I'm so glad you logged in too, I was checking for an update from you. I'm glad that the actual birth went smoothly and you got to hold your lovely little man, Samuel Joseph. What a lovely name, fly high little angel. I'm sorry about the manual removal of the placenta and I hope that's the physical part over now.

Remember to rest up, like Helen said.

I'm so sorry for your loss, you will never forget your little angel. You can come here and express whatever you need to - we will all be happy to help you in any way we can honey. xxx


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## OliveBay

I'm glad this part is over now and I hope that you can now begin to find some peace in greiving for Samuel. It sounds like the delivery went fairly well, expect for the placenta, and I'm so glad you spent some time with him and got some photos and hand/ footprints. Look after yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to right now. Thinking of you lots :hugs:

As for the bleeding, I didn't bleed as much as I'd expected (I think I'd prepared myself for the absolute worst), but it did seem to start off fairly light and then got heavier after a few days - the midwife said that this was probably because I wasn't really doing much or moving/ walking much at first.

Take care x


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am glad that part is over for you , I know it's the emotional part that is really the hardest. You will get through this, never over it, but through it. It has been over 9 months for me and I still cry every night for Ava when I pray/ but things have gotten a lot better for me. It's a long and hard road and we all get there in our own time, as long as we get there is what is important.:hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so sorry for everything and we all are here for you.. Sending Soooo much love to you and Samuel Joseph:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## majored

Hi all, I hope you dont mind me asking you questions again.

Its been just over 3 weeks since ive lost Samuel. The hospital said to me to do a pregnancy test about a week after the birth. Anyway i didnt as i was scared it would come up positive and it was xmas and i would be worrying about it. So i left it another week and did it before new year and it came back negative, so thats ok. 

3 weeks on today i had a slight ache like i was going to have my period, I stopped bleeding last week. Then i had a little bit of cm which had a light brown colour to it( not lots) So could my period be coming back is it normal for it to happen this this fast? I bleed for soooo long and now ive stopped for a few days and ive started to feel normal but now this is happening..

Also because of OH family who have had baby loses, we had a pm done on Samuel. How long does it take for them to get back to you? They said they would only get back to me if there was an issue. So should i be waiting around for them to ring or do i ring them?


Many thanks for your time xx


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## Nikki_d72

Don't apologise for asking questions honey. I'm sorry though that I may not have all the answers, but somebody will. I bled for 2 weeks then it tailed off to browny discharge and mucousy stuff for about a week then it finally stopped. I had a break for two weeks after that then I got my first PP AF, so almost exactly 5 weeks PP. We are all different though. It being brown suggests old blood so I would think it may just be some left over but possibly not.

I didn't get a PM done, just placental histology. I got the results of that back at my follow -up appt, about 6 or 7 weeks after our loss, but I think PM can take a little longer. I don't think they should leave you hanging like that to be only called If there is an issue - you need to know one way or the other so I would call and ask them to make an appt for you when the results are ready. You are bound to have plenty of questions for them one way or the other. Have you a follow-up appt made?

I hope someone else can come along soon and give you a better answer. xxx


----------



## evasmum

I'm so sorry


----------



## OliveBay

I can't really remember but I think I bled heavily for about a week and then quite lightly for another week after having my baby. My first AF started 5 weeks after I delivered my baby, so about 3 weeks after the spotting stopped.

We had a PM done on our little boy and had an appointment with a consultant about 6-7 weeks after the delivery to go through the results of all the tests and PM. The consultant sent us a report summarising it all afterwards and we also asked for a copy of the full PM report just so we could read it all ourselves (even though it is full of medical terms we wanted to know all the details). This appointment was so important for us both in coming to terms with what had happened and also in starting to move on - we were given advice about when we could TTC again and what package of care we'll be offered next time, they were very thorough. I'd be suprised if they didn't give you any results, but I suppose all hospitals do it differently. If you don't hear in a few weeks you might want to give them a ring and ask.


----------



## majored

Hi, thank you for your replies. I was sort of saying to myself that its just the old stuff being around in there. I know everyone has cm and it can be light or heavy. I had a blob more cm this morning it was mainly clear but did have a brown tinge to it. So i guess unless it doesnt get any worse i wont worry about it.

As for the pm i dont know what to do. The only other reason i ask is that the drs said it wouldnt take that long, but i know we have had xmas & newyear etc. Then they said once the pm was done they would scatter the ashes in the garden of rememberance. I dont want them to forget to let us know.

Thanks for your time
xx


----------



## majored

I think im going mad, or down hill. It just seems to be one thing after another. 
My blood loss has stopped and all cm is now clear however.......For the last 2 weeks ive been having bad headaches. Im getting it around both eyes. I was getting it everyday about 20 times throughout the day. Ive been having chest pains mainly left hand side but sometimes moves to the middle. The right side of my throat feels tight like something is tight around it and my tongue looks swollen on one side. My right knee is swollen and im finding it hard to bend it. I keep having a pulling feeling on the left hand side of my vagina, which starts off at the cervix and scoops along the vagina walls inside of me . My belly doesnt look like its gone back to normal, there are bumps sticking up here and there. ( it looks like loads of mountains). 

I know i sound like a moany old woman, but i just cant cope with things. I feel like im going down hill fast. Some of the problems could be connected to each other. Im also to scared to go to the drs im just to worried about what she will say to me. I just wanted to get back to normal after my loss, but its just not happening. 

Last week i worried about the pm as i had not heard. I then got a phone call to say it had been done but i would have to wait a while for the results. Then the vicar rang to tell me that the service for Samuel was Thursday 12th. The service was lovely and every little thought had gone into making it a special day for us. I tried not to look at his little white coffin laying there in front of me as i was trying to be brave and not cry. Yesterday 14th had been a month, it seems a lot longer than that. Things have got easier im not getting upset as much. I still have thoughts and feelings everyday. It was on the 12th that the headaches started to ease. I still get niggles above my eyes, ive tried not going on the laptop as much or reading as much.
I dont feel ive been worrying about things but i dont know if this is the cause.

I can understand my body not being 100% back to normal but now i seem to have all these other issues. I cant tell you how worried i am about going to the drs. Everytime before they told me something bad or worse than the time before. I want things to be ok, ive had enough go wrong . I feel im being repaid for things, like ive done so many bad/wrong things in my life
and these problems are like payback for them.

Im sorry to go on, i feel like i just need to let of a bit of steam. 

Thanks 
Sarahxx


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## jojo23

hey hun!! it so helps to let off steam... im sorry your feeling like this pet its just the biggest emotional rollercoaster ever and just when you think you should be getting back to feeling you again this happens... i would def get checked over by the doctor hun just to rule out any infections etc that might be lingering and maybe just to check your bloods etc in general. it cant do any harm hun!!

i totally understand about you feeling this is coming back for things you've done in your life, i think we've all felt like that from time to time. i remember when it happened i literally went over every little thing ive done in my life thinking well thats my punishment. but in reality its the complete opposite and it took me a while to realise that although i lost Lily she was probably the best thing that ever came into my life however short she was here for. i couldnt have been more blessed to have felt the love i felt for her and if i was a bad person or it was karma id never have gotten to know love like that. and if i had my time over again id do it all the same and have loved her just as much!!

im glad the service was lovely for you hun it brings a little bit of closure as heartbreaking as it is. but its lovely to have somewhere to go thats just yours and you can leave little things etc. it brings me so much peace to visit Lily and just sit there! 

all i can say is no matter what we're always here for you!!!! and you dont need to feel guilty for having a lil melt down every now and then,your more than entitled to... your little angel is watching you now and so proud of his mummy! xxxxxxxxxxxx

love to you xxxxxx


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## Nikki_d72

Aw hon, it does take a long time for the hormones to fully get out of you even after everything seems normal - it took about 4 months for my nips to go back to normal colour (sorry TMI!) and I was getting wicked headaches and pains here there and everywhere. Your body has gone through a lot of changes and it takes a while for it all to settle down. A trip to the doc wouldn't hurt though if you're worried.

As for karma, yes I too had these thoughts, especially as everything seemed to go wrong in our house about the same time - I felt like it was one big payback. I think the way Jojo has put it is dead on though - you will eventually get to the place where you can think of your angel and be thankful for the short time you had, but that will be a long way away, you have a lot of stuff to process first. Don't worry about asking things here or sounding moany at all, it's all part of it, we don't expect you to be a bundle of fun at the moment.

I'm glad the funeral was special for you and I hope you get your PM results too, I know that will be another hurdle to get over. xxx


----------



## Bride2b

Hi Sarah

I had (and still have) bad headaches....I think it is all the tension etc. This is such a traumatic thing to go through emotionally & physically so its bound to have some impact.

The lead up to the funeral was awful for me....unlike you I couldnt take my eyes off his little white coffin. I just couldnt believe my baby was in there :cry:
But like you the funeral was really nice and looking back not as dreadful as I thought it would be.

Can you chase up the hospital regarding the pm? I think once you have the results you will start to feel alot better. Its the not knowing that kills you. Last weekend was awful for me, I had so many emotions as on Monday I had my follow up...I think all my emotions were related to that. The rest of the week wasnt great either as I digested what was said. I feel a little better over the last few days (i've spent time with friends talking weddings etc and getting quite excited about our weddings this year). My point is once you know when it is and once you have had it I am sure things will seem easier & make more sense. Maybe try and find something to occupy yourself, get amongst people who will help take your mind off things in the mean time as the waiting for answers bit is awful. 

As for going to the doctors....you must. Its likely they will find nothing wrong, your body has been through loads. I went back to the doctors as was getting awful stomach pains...it turned out to be my bowels (tmi). I think the body has a funny way of turning the emotions into physical ailments as an outlet for the pain. 

Let us know how you get on hun xx


----------



## majored

Hi girls, thank you for your replies. Reading what you have said has changed my mind. Just to let you know oh has made an appointment im going to the drs in the morning at 9am. I feel a little sick now its been made also worry mode has now set in. Which means more headaches i guess. 

I will have to go with a list to tell you the truth. Its like the headache goes, then i get the pulling thing in my vagina. I go to get up and my knee hurts then the headache comes back so i sit down then i get a pain in my chest. 

When i was younger i just went to the dr with a problem and if he said take this or go to the hospital i just did it. Now i worry about what ive got then worry about when they can see me, what they will say, what the problem is and then you have the outcome. A few years ago i cared for 4 people that were very close to me. Two of them have now passed away and i tried so hard to look after and care for them. One of them died in 2009 and watching them go through all of it made life seem so different. I would watch them while they were sleeping just in case they stopped breathing. I would even count the seconds between each one just in case there was a problem. There comes a point where in life you just cant do any more. Since this i worry about life alot. Even having the baby i would of needed a section. I then got given a leaflet informing me that there was an increased chance of me dying because ive had two sections in the past. Well as you would imagine, worry worry worry. In the end i was having days going mad with worry, yet other mums would be fine with it. I need to learn how to relax.

thank you once again
Sarah


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## Hellylou

Glad to hear you have an appt in the morning - hope it goes well. I think stress and grief can manifest themselves in a physical way. Hope your doc can help. :hugs:


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## jojo23

hope all goes well at your app hun! i think some alternative therapy might help too...acupuncture,reflexology etc are great ways to relax without having to go on medication cause sometimes the tabs they put you on are whacky lol. stress is unbelieveable to our bodies and we dont even realise sometimes how it can affect us.

let us know how you get on hun xxxxxxxxx


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## Bride2b

Are you ok Sarah?

I thought I worried, but you are something else my dear! I am hoping that the aches/pains etc are just stress related & that chilling out might take some of these away. Like jojo says maybe some alternative therapy. Anyway just thought I'd let you know that I'm thinking of you xx


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## Andypanda6570

Sarah I am thinking of you and sending love and positive thoughts. :hugs::hugs: Hope all goes great at your appointment. We are all here for you, anytime..
XOXOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Aidan's Mummy

No real advice hun just wanted to send hugs :hugs: x


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## majored

Thank you ladies for your replies. Ive had a bit of a week to tell you the truth.

I visited the dr, who checked me over and asked me lots of questions. He thinks the headaches are due to tension or migraine. He couldnt find nothing wrong with my chest but asked me to come in on the Wednesday to have an ECG.

My head was still bad and i took some paracetamol which took the edge of the pain, but i could still feel it. I relaxed more after visiting him.

On Wednesday I woke up with no pains in my head. ( ive had pains for weeks now)I walked around the house waiting for it to start. Then i noticed i had started my monthly period(well i think it is). Its 5 weeks since i lost Samuel, so i am assuming its a period. I then went to have my ECG i was all wired up, just laying there. The nurse took the print out to the dr and come back to say something was not right. Then she checked everything over and did another. That print out went to the dr and once again she came back said the dr is not happy with something. WELL..... Ive gone in to panic mode big time. I couldnt take anything else in after that. I just sat there thinking OMG now ive got this problem, i cant take anymore. I was crying and the nurse just sat there looking at me. I then said "whats wrong with it?" she replied " I dont know". I was booked in for another appointment to see the dr 2 hours later. I was in shock i couldnt do a thing and i had to wait another 2 hours to find out what was wrong with me. I didnt want to go back, i didnt want to see him as i was so scared of what he was going to say to me. My OH managed to get me back to see the dr, his first words were "ohh your here about the ECG". He then informed me nothing was wrong with me...... it turns out that it was one of the wires and thats why he wanted me to have it done again. It was the nurse that messed me up. 

Anyway the rest of the day still no head pains yay! However my period started to come through quite heavy. Yesterday it got worse, i cant seem to move without it all coming out. Ive never had a period like this. The blood loss is quite watery a few small clots but the rest is quite stringy(sorry tmi). I had plans for yesterday but couldnt go out, for fear of flooding. I looked around on the net yesterday and i have read that a few other ladies have had a simular thing. So ive tried not to worry about this. However i would say this blood loss is just as bad if not worse than after i lost Samuel. I dont think i have an infection, i have no pain, no temp, no sickness and the blood loss doesnt smell funny. There just seems to be loads of it. I dont want this to last for weeks i want to be normal again. In the last four months ive had 2.5 weeks where i did not bleed.

Well OH and i have decided to open a shop on the 30th jan. A shop of all sorts of vintage furniture and clothing etc. I then hope things will settle a bit and then i wont worry. lol .....as if. 

Thanks again, take care all . xx


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## Bride2b

I'm so glad things are fine! Bit of a scary moment for you though with the ECG - you hear nothing but f**k ups with the NHS lately...I dont think its necessarily doctors & nurses faults but maybe being overworked & mistakes happening. But glad your ok.

As for AF mine came bout 5 weeks after...bit of spotting off & on for a few days then WHAM! Just like you, was worried about flooding as it was the heaviest one I've ever had...not as heavy as immediately after my loss but was really heavy. I think this is fairly normal. I found it hard to deal with & found it another brutal reminder that my baby was gone xx


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## majored

Well this time last year i had just found out i lost my son Samuel. 

Yet months before, I was told the chances of having children with my partner were very slim even with help. Then there i was aged 38 going to have a child. Then i bled from 9 weeks until i lost him.

It turned out he was perfect but he had tangled himself up in his cord. I blamed myself for a while but over time i know it was nothing that i had done. I often look around and see other young children and know that Samuel would be that age. What would i have been doing now?, how much my life would have changed? Having Samuel could of been the only chance to have a child with my partner. 

Now a year later every thing gets dragged up again, i remember everything from this time last year......i wonder if any body else who knows me will? I felt on my own then and i feel on my own now. life at times is just so unfair it can be so cruel, but life does go on IT HAS TO! In my head ive dealt with it all but my body is miles behind. 

MY DARLING LITTLE SAMUEL, MUMMY LOVES YOU SO!

I TRIED TO KEEP YOU SAFE FROM HARM, BUT I HAD TO LET YOU GO.

I KNOW YOUR NOW WITH NANNY....SHES LOOKING AFTER YOU!

SO HEAVEN NOT ONLY HAS ONE ANGEL IT NOW HAS TWO!


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## socitycourty

:hugs:


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## Twinkie210

I am very sorry for your loss.


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## Pink_Sparkle

Im am so so sorry for your loss. I went through something very similar to you when I lost my baby Freya at 19 weeks. Thinking of you xx


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