# Updated - Oh...My...God. I am shaking right now



## Dezireey

I am sat here in utter disbelief and shock at the immense lie my FOB told me that has now, today been uncovered when I contacted CSA. I went through the procedures with a nice lady and she asked me 'does your ex have any other children?' I say 'no, he had a son who died age 5 but apart from that, no he doesn't'

*She says 'well apparently he does, he is paying child support for another child, so that child is actually not deceased.*

I did not mention it on here as I thought it private but basically my ex FOB left me when I was pregnant crying, saying that he couldnt support me or go through with it because his son died aged 5 after he looked after him _alone_, because the Mother left them. I had my suspicions back then but took him at his word. I held him when he cried, didn't claim child support, sympathised, totally fell for the lie.

I am crying my eyes out.:cry::cry: How can someone say their child is *dead* to get off paying child support or being a father. Words just can't express what a horrible man I got involved with. Ladies, I am so angry with myself. My little boy has a half brother out there and this B..tard would have just never have told us, preventing him from ever knowing his brother. I left him a voicemail saying that the shit is going to hit the fan now on a serious level and *1)* He WILL be paying child support now *2)* I want to know who his other child is and lastly *3)* if he doesnt explain things and talk about this, then EVERYONE he knows will be informed of _everything_ he has done. 

I need to calm down...it's unreal what people are capable of doing to others, unreal. He used to threaten suicide before but I actually, truly believe that if he rang me tomorrow saying he is now going to top himself I would just say 'go ahead' and I wouldn't care if he did.:nope:


----------



## kassiaethne

Wow you are one strong gal, that info would have blown my world. :hugs: good for you for messaging him all that


----------



## MissDee-89

How awful :( I had an ex who said he had a baby that died of meningitis, everyone believed him and felt sorry for him. When I found out he lied I told people but to this day I dont know if people believed me or not.

Some men, and women of course, can be so disgusting :( 
What did he say when you told him?


----------



## Dezireey

I'll keep you updated ladies, he is in work at the moment, so I know he can't respond. He will either go to ground (can't imagine how he can get out of this one so he could very well do this?) or he will call asap and just feed me some more lies. Will be very, very interesting to see what he comes up with. 

My guess ( will let you know) is that he will spin some story now about his ex-partner leaving _him_ and not letting him see his child. I will put money on that one. Seriously, seriously considering contacting everyone I possibly can and telling them about all this, soo tempting. I want to hear what the ******* says first though.

.....if there was anything to help me quickly get over this man...this is it. 

Woah....I do not want someone who tells someone his child is dead to be anywhere near _my_ child, ever.


----------



## Dezireey

kassiaethne said:


> Wow you are one strong gal, that info would have blown my world. :hugs: good for you for messaging him all that

I am trying to be strong hun as my baby is here and needs me but the hurt I feel in my heart is real, real bad.


----------



## lemontree12

ooooh my goodness what a sick horrible piece of work!!! im am actually speechless 

its your choice but i would certainly keep him away from my child. also the other childs mother will know about your little boy soon


----------



## mommatoB

wow im so sorry! gl hun :)


----------



## Dezireey

Lemon does that mean CSA will tell her he has another child? They told me and I know this affects payments. I would like to get into touch with her but dont know how I would do that?


----------



## lemontree12

yes they will have to ring her to tell her the circumstances have changed. as it stands she would recieve 15% of the earnings, but when theres more than 1 child it goes to 20% of the earnings shared between each child, getting 10% each. so she will def be made aware. to be honest they are pretty quick so she prob already knows now.
they wouldnt be able to tell you who she is id say, the only way of finding out is prob from him or would any of his friends even know her name.
i am in utter shock how he can a) even have the words come out of his mouth his child died b) pretend to cry about it. what is going threw his head?
this is all the reason why he didnt want you to go threw with csa, because he knew youd find out. to you think he may be in and out of this other childs life like your little ones? 
i know its prob hard to think of now, but i guess you can now finally see him for the low life he is. i seen in another post you said that you never spoke for a month and how happy you felt, and i know from my own experience how happy and settled iv become since fob cut all ties, how would you feel about walking away from him?


----------



## Dezireey

Oh yes definitely walking away from him. I dont want him anywhere near my son now and I think he is seriously mentally unstable ( i am sure he must have a condition that causes compulsive lying etc, he is not right in the head to say such things) 

I think the only reason now I want to talk tommorow to him is that I would like to know about my LO's half brother and any contact info. After that he can just pay up child support an then disappear from our lives. Who wants someone like that around? I am sure my son will understand when he is older why his Dad left us - He is basically mentally ill. I am convinced of it. He needs therapy and fast.


----------



## Louisandemma

Wow... As a father, I cannot believe that pathetic jerk. 

Stay strong. It's amazing that you're willing to get in touch with the child. Kudos to you.


----------



## Dezireey

Just re- read some old e-mails we sent each other around the time I got pregnant and he dumped me. Shocking, just shocking. He said things like ' you will not understand what its like to lose a child, to bury that child and know you couldnt protect them. Losing a child like that changes you......

And it goes on. How clever though. How to get a pregnant woman off your back by saying you had a child that died. I remember thinking back then ' how selfish of me to trouble him when he has gone through that trauma

Oy vey.... words are not good enough. So want to hear what he has to say to this!


----------



## Linz88

WOW dats siick


----------



## teal

Absolutely disgusting. Sending you massive hugs xx


----------



## lemontree12

how clever exactly, someone with a stable mind would not be able to go threw such a lie. i would be suprised if he gave the contact of the other lady, you could try this.
when you speak to the csa say that you understand that they cant give you her contact info, but if they could pass your telephone number onto to her. that way they arent breaking confidentuality. its worth a try, because i couldnt see him willing giving it to you. 

you can offically say to your son you tried xx


----------



## Dezireey

Ah well surprise surprise. Silence today, not a peep from him. I do hope he at least read my messages and knows that I know his big secret. So I dont think I will be able to link up with my babys half brother. I may call the CSA Lemon and do what you said and give my information to them. So now he has to pay for another child. What a total idiot. Firstly, for someone who doesnt want kids, you would have thought he would have learnt his lesson the first time.

Some things do make sense to me now though. The ease in which he left me and his son, the way he stood his ground and refused to be a Dad. Well, if you have done it all before and hurt people this way, it is easier to do it again.

i also keep thinking of some of the things he said to me recently like, ' go be happy with your son, why cant you be thankful for what you have etc etc' Trying to make me think that harassing him for child support was like me being miserable, petty, not happy with my lot.

i am happy with my son, happier than i have ever been but is it so wrong to stick your heels in with an FOB ladies and want justice ( in the form of child support as that is the only justice we can get)?


----------



## AbbynChloe

I have never read anything so disgusting in my life.....I can't even imagine everything you are going through - i'd be PISSED!

anyways thinking of you xxxx


----------



## MissDee-89

Heard anything yet? I bet hes worried about you telling people. Did he ever tell you his sons name? Or where he lived? 
Hope you are ok x


----------



## lemontree12

i totally agree with you, about justice. i would never of asked for child support of fob is he didnt treat me so disgustly, if he treated me like a human with feelings and didnt lie, cheat to get what he wanted, i would of understood he wasnt ready to be a dad and i would of left it. i believe its the only thing i could of controlled and a reminder every month of what he done. 


did you manage to ring csa?


----------



## Dezireey

Havent had a chance yet but will try to tell them the story. I have asked him ( yesterday) to give me details of this other kid but he has gone silent ( unusual for him as he always has something to say) hopefully they can give me info. If not its a lost cause I think.


----------



## Calambria

Omg honey! What a fucking pig scum! He might be unstable, but what I really think is that he's an attention seeking, eternal victim, woe was me irresponsible little prick. Mentally ill or no, he's still completely accountable. Sick *******. I'm so angry for you. 

You are strong, honey. Do what you need to do.


----------



## Dezireey

One of the best things about coming on here and posting things like this is the support from everyone. When people do crazy things like this around you and ( like me) I have gone ballistic on him, you start to think ' should I be this angry? Does he deserve to be called vile and disgusting? ( which I have called him in the messages to him) And because everyone that has responded to my post agrees with me, I think ' yes, its not me, it is him, he is crazy and horrible' 

Confirmation gives me peace of mind that the things I have said to him are warranted. I feel quite strong today because of all this. When there is this much of a problem with an FOB, there is no looking back, no wondering if things could have been good for your LO with him in his life. I know now without a shadow of doubt that this man will never get the chance to get to know my son. That is the most important thing. My boy gains not loses by having this man out of his life. As his Mother, its my job to protect him and I will tell him when he is old enough to understand that his father was a mentally ill man.


----------



## whatwillbe

He deff sounds like he has mental issues, nothing surprises me anymore with what these so called "men" will stoop to, try and think of it as a lucky escape an that you've finally seen his true colours, your doing a great job as a mom, your lo would gain nothing from that kind of role model in his life, I'm just realizing this about my fob, he's never met his daughter yet, and I couldn't imagine his bringing any good to her, hopefully this is the point for you that you completely cut him out your life :flower: chin up x


----------



## whatwillbe

P.s don't feel bad about messages, IMO giving a few nasty messages is nothing compared to abandoning your child and pretending your child died x


----------



## Dezireey

*UPDATE*

Ha! he text me at 2am saying that his world is falling apart, he can't cope, paying for two kids will break him. I called him and he was sat in a car at a beach ( apparently). I immediately told him I didnt want to hear any details, excuses, reasons etc as he is such a liar there is no way i would believe anything he says. I told him that i no longer give a toss about his financial situation ( before, I felt awful pressuring him to be a Father and pay up when he had gone through the death of a child) I said a few other choice things. This time he was very quiet, he knew I would not back down at all. He says ' i may aswell go walk into the sea now then' i said 'clothed or naked? its a bit cold, I suggest you keep your clothes on'

Silence. Just as I thought ' oh feck, its a bit too far encouraging someone to top themselves' I hear a whistling noise in the background, it was a familiar noise of his posh kettle on the stove, I recognised it. So he was at home making himself a cup of tea! BUSTED! i then put the phone down.

Knobhead


----------



## kassiaethne

wow good for you for standing your ground! I can't believe he even tried the sympathy card again. and to say he would just walk into the ocean, so ********ly dramatic. who does that? he really is a sick sick man. I'd totally get all the child support I could out of him. JUST to spite him, and for the fact that he owes it to his child. what a sneeky worm. the tea kettle just was the top of the stupid pot. what a moron. 


:hugs:


----------



## calm

I have read this thread in horror! I don't have words to describe what that man inspires me. He has obviously got everywhere he has needed in life with emotional blackmail, lies, and manipulation, my blood boils with people like that. Be careful you don't start feeling sorry for him, he just might pull some stunt to get you in the place where he wants (feeling sorry for him). If there is any way you can cut all communication with him, do so (and that he still pays for his child) Big hugsXXX


----------



## lemontree12

OMG!!!!!!
how far does his lies go???? i honestly cant believe al along he was at home making a cuppaa!!!
first off, his life will not be over because at the moment he pays 15% for one kid t will only be 20% for 2(not that a mother only pay 10% per month towards the up bringing of her child, personally i think the precentage is disgusting, but hey) and 2nd off if he was any decent person his life should come second to the lives of his kids. 

i cant believe hes still playing the poor me card.
one huge thing this website has taught me, these sperm donars who leave their girlfriends pregnant all have one thing in common: Selfish conpulsive lairs. before coming into my own situation and reading other ladies stories on here, i lived in a world where i didnt think men done this sort of thing to women, i thought it was only eastenders youd get a story line like these.
i rememeber when my little girl was a month old i got a similar phone call mid week at 12am, i stupidly offered to come make sure he was ok, so i got my little girl ready and myself and went to get in my car, to then he said he was ok he was just going to bed. this is a way they try control the situation, they are feeling they are loosing control of the situation so pull all sort of shit out of the bag.
stay strong dez, you are by no way over reacting at all, by being strong and not backing down on that last phone call you seen another lie. 
i do think within the next week he will try pull all sort of shit out of the bag

xxx


----------



## lemontree12

i agree with Calm about cutting communitcation. if you truely dont want him in your sons life, i would change my number, the csa will work to get the money from him.


----------



## Dezireey

I am thoroughly annoyed to be honest that the scumbag has got away with not paying for his child for 9 months based on me pitying him. I will push now with CSA to get back payments if I can. Frankly, if it leaves him destitute and homeless that is exactly what he deserves for doing this to two kids. OMG, imagine what the other Mother would say if I told her he said her child was dead?, it just beggars belief. If I ever do meet her, I won't say it, its too hurtful. Something like that would break my heart if someone told me that about my child's father.

I felt a bit silly though actually telling him I have contacted CSA, as I thought 'damn, he won't answer calls to them and he will delay things by not answering them etc etc' But I have realised that they have all his financial records and like you said lemon, they just up the % to 20 instead of 15, so if he refuses to answer them or get in touch, they have the information and my information now to just automatically do it. CSA said that the father is given a certain amount of time to contest parentage / discuss etc etc and if he doesn't they start doing things automatically. She did actually say it's easier for them when they have a new case and the father is already registered, so that is a bonus.

I think if he has any sense he won't communicate with me anymore either. I just want to focus on forgetting him. I have probably 4 -5 years before my boy starts asking questions about 'Daddy' so I think that's plenty of time to get over it all and start afresh. Going back to University in September so will meet new people and have lots to focus on then too.

To be honest, I need to work more on the anger I feel towards myself than him for getting involved with such a tool. At my age, I should know better.

Sorry these posts have been so long but I am venting sooo much about this lol :growlmad:


----------



## Larkspur

Jesus Christ, mama, this is probably in the top 10 worst baby-daddy stories I have read here. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. The guy is literally unbelievable.



Dezireey said:


> This time he was very quiet, he knew I would not back down at all. He says ' i may aswell go walk into the sea now then' i said 'clothed or naked? its a bit cold, I suggest you keep your clothes on'

That seems quite restrained of you, I think I probably would have said, "Well, do what you gotta do, at least when I tell our baby his daddy's dead, it'll be true." :growlmad:

Big hug to you; stay strong.


----------



## Ceejay123

Wow, this story has shocked me. What a vile individual! Do you know his ex's name? Anything at all? I'd be in the same position as you, I think all children have a right to know their siblings. My lo has a half brother who's nothing to do with me, and even if I weren't with his daddy I'd push for him to know who his brother is, because siblings mean a lot to me. I definitely think you should appeal to csa. If not, try to get info out of your ex... About time he did something in the best interests of his children. 

My ex threatened to kill himself as he was 'depressed' when I wouldn't go back to him. I ran back terrified every time.. The final time however, I laughed and harshly hung up on him. I sent a threat via text message to call the police and ambulance service, and left it at that. Safe to say he's still alive and I finally got rid of him. It's an empty threat x


----------



## Dezireey

Well I wanted to put a lid on this for good but I really want to try and contact this other woman to find out if my son could have access to his brother. I have left another message for him asking him to do this and the baastard cant even do that. :nope: I am 39 and dont intend to have anymore kids but it would have been nice to have had a sibling for my son. If he has a half brother then that could be a good thing for him when he is older. What kind of man does what he has done and then pushes the knife in further by not doing this one thing? Unless he is afraid I will uncover more lies? or maybe he doesnt actually want this other woman / kid to know where he lives or something? I have a feeling a man like this has lots of secrets and has left a trail of hurt and / or angry people behind him. I dont think I am the first person he has lied to, nor will I be the last. I used to think, when he first left me that it would break my heart if he was with anyone else but now I think 'jesus I feel sorry for any woman that gets involved with him as she will have a terrible time of it'


----------



## calm

I would say his motivation must be based on more lies. Imagine the amount of lies he has told her, it would be his worse nightmare for you two to talk, I hate to think what sort of shit you would both uncover. I do agree it would be nice for your children to know each other and form a relationship, but I am sure if it depends on him you will never know. If a compulsive liar hates anything its to be found out.


----------



## Natsku

Wow what a disgusting lie to tell!! Well done for standing your ground! I hope you do manage to get in touch with his ex somehow so your baby can know his half-brother.


----------



## lemontree12

how are you dezireey? 

xx


----------



## Dezireey

I'm okay sweetie. I have heard nothing since from my Ex. I'm guessing that I did uncover the real truth as he still has not explained himself. Told two of his friends but they haven't got back to me either, so feel a bit stupid doing that. I thought they might know the name of his other child but i think he hasn't told a single person about his past, its been about 13 years, so the friends he has now are different. Had my relative and her son come stay with us to comfort me and take my mind off things so thats been nice. I have all my family ( parents, siblings, cousins etc) FOB has nothing, so he is worse off. my two male cousins want to beat him up but I have stopped that lol.  He is not worth it. I can get over FOB and in my heart move on totally but my little LO will always ( biologically) have that scum as a Father and I feel sorry for him. I just want a crystal ball to see into the future and know that it won't matter to my boy that his Father was never around. I hope he will be okay as it will be all he knows anyway ( just having his Mum and mums family). 

Hope FOB tells a whopper of another lie to someone else in the future who either a) beats him up for it or b) he ends up in jail where he belongs.


----------



## Shezza84uk

Argg he's a total ass! the most unforgivable lie what a disgusting human being, and then to pretend hes going to top himself omg words fail me.. 

He is the type that needs calling out in public, I would get a picture of him post it on FB with the words Do you know this sperm donor, Do you have a child by this sperm donor? if so contact me on {insert details} LOL


----------



## Dezireey

Sigh....I have just had a call back from the CSA. My FOB has no fixed address, after his wife divorced him and chucked him out of their home he has flitted back and forth to a caravan park and to friends homes - tons of caravan places here in Devon. So it will now be highly unlikely that they can process my claim. It makes my blood boil, I could get in the car now and drive up the road and knock on his door, why can't they just do that? I just think this adds to the drama. Maybe this Son of a Beaatch has avoided living somewhere permanent and been flighty to avoid paying child support for his other kid and now my LO has just made him worse and become like the bloody phantom. I bet he has emmigrated. I even gave them details of his job. Of course he is not answering his phone to them so they said they will keep trying but if he has no fixed address and he is not getting in touch with them then there is little else they can do.

Ladies I also feel like a right muppett:dohh: I was so livid and upset by the news that CSA probably won't be able to get the bstard (I wanted vengence of some kind and payback) I went onto the public forum he goes on daily and 'outed' him to all his mates on there. He hangs out with these people socially and they think he is lovely, kind and considerate etc. I just told them the truth of who he really is. Now I feel an idiot, stupid and could I have put my child in danger?:nope: I am here home alone, he lives 5 minutes away from me. What if I anger him so much he comes over my place ready to bash the door in?. I should have just shut my mouth and let it go, now I am worried that I have put the safety of my LO in danger.

I think he is too cowardly to come here though but still, I shouldn't have done that. Even though it gives me great satisfaction, I am better than that. I am better than him. There will be no magic miracle that will make him say sorry or be remorseful so why am I bothering?? Grrr I am so angry with myself. He has made me behave like a loony! :nope:


----------



## lemontree12

i dont understand the csa seriously, i have said so many times i thought the csa was for the fathers, i always thought they where on my exs side.
there was times when i wish i never reacted how i did, with tellin everyone, but why should i keep his little secret and be like the person that done wrong. do not for one second think you done the wrong thing, he is a scum of the earth and does not deserve to live with this squeeky clean life style he is leading. your son is 100% better of without him. it took me along time to change my way of thought, i used to always focus on the negatives of my daughter not having her father around, until i started to think of the positives of him staying away. would you really want someone who tells sick lies to your son? if things continued how they where going when your son got bigger, his fob would of told him of the brother he had that died, this lie would of spierlled out of control, also what other lies has this man got away with? 
im a true believer in everything happens for a reason, and if this lie didnt come out, things would of continued how they where, him coming in and out of both your lives, emotionally blackmailing you, until your son was old enough to be emotionally blackmailed by him also.
i am just so gutted for you that you cant get justice in the form of child support. that man has no heart whatsoever. even after being found out telling the most disgusting lie iv ever heard, he still cant bring himself to do the right thing and pay up, instead he carrys on running. 
the only thing i can suggest is be the one who holds the cards now. change your number and cut that man off. im not sure how youd feel about speaking to someone? that man has put you threw some disgusting things mayb talking to an outsider may help. it helped with me

xx


----------



## Dezireey

Well I rang them again. This time I spoke to a different lady and I gave a lot of detail about what he had done. She went quiet on the phone and then said that she can't give out any information about the other child. She said the case was 'clerical' and a 'live case' which I assume means there are problems with it etc?. 

She said she is waiting to hear back from Inland Revenue for extra info on him. Well, she called back within 20 minutes and said she has taken a personal interest in this case and will be following it up. She said it now looks promising as there is an' address' of sorts to send an actual letter to. If he doesn't respond to that letter..... she will then contact his Employer, who will then deduct from his wages. So there is progress of sorts. She said the downside to all this is that because its not simple, then it will be a while before I see any money from him. I said 'I just don't care, as long as he pays for what he has done, literally'. She said 'I am not supposed to give personal opinions but in your case, I hope he does and I hope it hits him where it hurts' :happydance: 


I have changed my number today and cancelled my old e-mail and blocked him from facebook, basically everything possible to stop him from contacting me. I personally think he is smiling and smug right now because he thinks that CSA can't touch him. He did say in one e-mail quite a few weeks back when I told him I wanted to get child support off him 'he who laughs last, laughs loudest' or something to that effect. I think he knew I would have a problem getting child support off him. He hasn't bargained though on a lady at CSA now having a grudge against him for saying he had a dead child. I think that must have been the worst lie she has heard. I think that idiot will try and contact me to plead with me when he sees his wage slip deducting child support. And you know what? I will do exactly what he has done to me when I have been desperate to get in touch with him...totally ignore him and make it hard for him to get in touch with me.

I have had to make an appointment with my Doctors today to get counselling. I spoke to her over the phone and because of health problems that have developed because of this, she wants to see me asap. I have a really big problem trying to understand why this man has done this and I can't get my head around how he believes he has done nothing wrong and that I have 'anger issues' for all the rants and texts and e-mails I have sent him in the past telling him his behaviour is disgusting, that is one of the things I need to have help with, I just don't understand how someone does these things to someone and sees nothing wrong with his behaviour:nope:


----------



## Ceejay123

So are you at a dead end with finding your child's sibling? :( that's such a shame! 

So glad that he's going to get what's coming to him! Well done x


----------



## MommaAlexis

I'd be more worried about your mental health if you DID understand how he could do it.


----------



## chulie

It would be such a shame that these siblings would never meet! Are you friends of friends of his on Facebook or something? Is there a way to send something out there and ask anyone if they know the woman or even a name to help out for the sake of your child?! FB has crazy connections sometimes your just shocked!!


----------



## baby D

Wow. Only just seen this thread xx

Kudos to you for how strong you are being -- your son is one lucky little boy to have you xx

Your ex -- well. Words fail me!


----------



## daneuse27

Wow Dezirey, I've just seen this thread today too. I have no words - I think he is a very sick man. Its best that your son doesn't know him; I would hate to hear of him lie, manipulate or disappoint your little boy the way he has you.

I am also glad to hear that you've blocked him from contact, I was going to suggest that. He is finally getting what he deserves and that your son will soon get the financial support that he's entitled to.

:hugs:


----------



## Dezireey

Thanks guys. I have had a particularly bad day today with still no luck on contacting this other childs mother. CSA have all the info infront of them but just can't give it to me or even give her my information. I have contacted three people in his past ( his ex-wife, his past work-mate and a current friend) NONE of them have even responded to me. I was very upset at first that they didn't respond but then thought that perhaps, because this story is so 'out there' people might not actually believe me? In other words, no-one can imagine someone doing something as bad as that to get out of being a Dad. 

I have heard nothing from the ex, I looked onto the website he frequented every single day and posted on for the last four years and he hasn't been on there since the day I rumbled him, not sure what that means? but I do know from a friend that he is still in his job so he hasn't left the country.

I am struggling to deal with the cruelty of this man, not towards me but to his own little son, i choke up whenever I look at my little guys face and his innocence and happy smile and my heart sinks because I just don't want any day, ever to arrive where my child is hurt or feeling unloved and that bastaard of a man will one day, without even being around hurt my little boys feelings when he starts to want to know why his daddy isn't around.

These men make me sick to my stomach. The depths they sink to and the lies they tell. I know for a fact that he has told his one friend that i am bat shit crazy and a stalker and it makes my blood boil thinking of anyone out there believing his shit.

I come from a respectable, well off family, hard work ethic, brought up well with morals, values and love and this loser has turned my life into a chavvy episode of Eastenders! ( having to tell strangers what he has done to get info on this other kid, the lies, the drama.) I hate him like I have never hated anyone in my life.

Sorry for the rant, I really am but today is a bad day and i have been crying again :-(


----------



## daneuse27

I might be missing something, but what is the reason you're trying to contact his ex and all those other people?

I know and can relate to how much the thought of our kids being hurt by FOB one day hurts, but remember that you will eventually move on from this. You might be angry for a long time, as you have a right to be, but gradually you'll be able let go of the hatred. Try to just focus on being a happy and emotionally healthy mama to your son. Thats all he needs :)


----------



## Dezireey

I am trying to find out about my sons half brother from these other people. It is very likely ( because of my age and I have no partner at the moment) that i will never be able to provide a sibling for my little boy, so this may be the only sibling he has. My ex wouldnt give any info and CSA can't either. I just wanted to at least try but its proving nigh on impossible without names, even then, if I got in contact, there is the gamble of whether she ( the mother) wants that contact anyway. 

I do feel that i am 'spent' or 'done with it all' though and chasing people my ex knows for info just upsets me more but I am torn about whether i should do this for my son or leave it be ( i.e whats done is done, he will just have a brother that he will never meet)


----------



## daneuse27

I wouldnt say 'never' just yet :hugs: There's lots of time ahead. Your son has his whole life to meet or look for his brother.
As you said, there's no guarantee that the woman will welcome the contact from you. Hopefully she will, and I definitely think you should keep trying. I just think you should try not to stress over it so much; it sounds like you've had a lot on your plate lately. Some great things have been accomplished (you finding out the truth, and CSA going after your ex) soon you'll have the child support you deserve and who knows what else is to come? I hope your son one day meets his brother. It may not happen tomorrow. And even if it never happens, hell be just fine having such a caring and strong willed mom ;)


----------

