# My parenting journal through life and adoption!



## tag74

:hi:

I am the mom to two daughter's, S (16) and L (3) and little Max who I lost to Trisomy 18 in my second trimester. 

Just before I was pregnant with Max, my DH and I started to look into adoption and then I got an unexpected BFP after trying for over a year. Sadly I lost my little boy to T18 at just about 5 months pregnant.

Well, we have resumed our adoption journey...and we have signed up with a great agency and are gearing up to have our home study begin in just a couple of weeks.

We are very excited! We gathered about 20 photos for our portfolio and we have started to write our biography and getting the house in order.

Thank you for stopping by here...the last few weeks have brought our spirit down since losing Max...but we know we have his little spirit following us through this process. :kiss:

Next step: waiting from the adoption agency on "setting up your profile" instructions!

yayyyyyy!


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## pinkpassion

Yay am I your first follower?! I'm honored!!! :)<3


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## lemon_tree

I'm here! <3 xo


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## tag74

lemon_tree said:


> I'm here! <3 xo

Thanks guys for coming!

So Lemon, to answer your question about photos, they don't want many (like 1 or 2) of the girls, mostly close up pics and lifestyle pics of us. And then a few of extended family, a few of our house and yard too. 

Then the home study makes sure your pets are vaccinated, that we have fire detectors etc. It's kind of amazing given the many homes out there...that are really not kid friendly. But I completely get it. 

I have no regrets getting this process started...I'm just still exhausted and sad but it's a good distraction. I'm hoping I can get my happy self back a little bit in this journal you know?


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## brittany12

Following! God may have needed little max sooner than we'd like, but I bet he has someone really special lined up for you to love and raise! Good luck with everything!


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## Bevziibubble

Following <3


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## busytulip

Happily following along <3


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## Lovn.sunshine

Here!! Can't wait to follow your journey while you find your sweet angel!! <3


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## amyamyamy

Im here and ready to join in on some healing and some good news <3 how exciting your sweet family is beginning a new journey together. How are you and DH?


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## mum140381

here :flower:


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## malia

Following :)
My long-term plan is to have a couple of my own children, and then adopt one or two, so I'm going to be stalking your journey big time.


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## lemon_tree

That's quite a challenge, distilling your life into 20 or so photographs. And I'm sure you'll pass the home inspection with flying colors. :thumbup: Will you need to write some things up about yourselves to go along with the pictures? 

My DH hates being in pictures so we don't really have many of the two of us. I was talking to DH about adoption profile books a bit last week, actually, and said how we should start to plan ahead and take more pictures of the two of us when we go out or go on vacation so we will have them when we are ready. He seemed on board, which was nice. :shrug:

I hope this process helps bring you back to yourself, too. Hugs. <3


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## LuvallmyH

Here!

My sister is adopted. They adopted her when I was 12 and she was 18 days old. It was the best thing my parents ever did! A gift for everyone involved. 

I'm excited to follow this journey with you!


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## tankel

Here. So glad for this fresh start for you.


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## SoBlessedMama

Following!!! : )


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## tag74

So today I got a ton done. Really trying to organize the house and managed to move ALL of L's toys and gave her play room a complete make over with storage bins, cute artwork and a dress up thingy. :haha: It has a cute mirror on the side and you hang up dress up clothes in etc. I'll take photos tomorrow.

Today we got more instructions. The next 6 weeks will be filled with homework and writing checks. :wacko: 

We moved our first meeting to May 13th. I'll fill you guys in on how it goes. 

I just received an email on how to complete our profile so I plan on working on that over the next four days or so.

As for DH and I, my mom has been here all week and that has been very helpful. She's an amazing cook and has been spending time with L, cooking and organizing closets. I ain't complaining. :rofl:

I have my little Max angel in my garden and every morning i do have my little ritual and say good morning to him...as his memorial is in our bedroom. Until I understand the privacy of this journal, I may straddle my Max journal and this one. Just in case you see both of them going. 

Thanks guys for all the support. I really really appreciate you all. xoxoxoxo


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## wifeybby

I'm here! Following you wherever life takes you. There is one lucky baby out there waiting to become part of such a loving family. So happy to see you're going through with adoption. I hope it goes smoothly and quickly. You're so deserving <3


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## TTC74

Happy about your new journey. I'll be following along, too!


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## busytulip

Thinking of you as you piece together your profile :hugs:

Love your morning ritual <3


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## mum140381

glad you got lots done :)


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## Whimsical88

new stalker....hope you are doing well.


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## Cornfieldland

Looking forward to ur adoption journey, such an amazing gift to give!


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## tag74

Whimsical88 said:


> new stalker....hope you are doing well.

Welcome!! :hi:


I promise to give y'all an update tomorrow. :sleep:


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## Bubbles1088

I'm here!


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## mum140381

:thumbup:


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## tag74

Happy early Mother's Day!

So we received the home study packet and it is a bit overwhelming but of course I finished it. :haha: 

For all you future adoptees:
I'm not joking you have to provide proof of medical and life insurance coverage, list out what you spend on entertainment, provide all your savings and checking out statements, marriage certificates, birth certificates, divorce decrees :rofl:, income statements, paystubs, doctor's notes that you're healthy and not crazy, references, tax returns, proof our indoor cats are vaccinated and an autobiography of yourselves amongst other things. Say what? 

But drug addicted mothers are having babies every day and some are even being reunited with their kids. :nope:

But anyway, trying to stay positive. We also had to provide about 50 photos of us, us individually, the kids, our extended family, our home, our pets etc. So LEMON, you're super smart to start taking photos now as we do take lots of photos and it was very hard to find decent ones of us together. :wacko: 

I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Our contract is for 2 years and if we aren't selected, we lose all the money we have invested...which is costly. I'm happy to PM anyone who is considering private adoption to let them know what is expected.

Today is my niece's first communion. I'm finally getting out of the house but a little nervous and sad as my extended cousin will be there and we shared the same due date. I feel like all eyes will be on us...but I know its just in my head.

Anyone have fun plans for mother's day? I think we are going to just chill out and then grab dinner. My mom is here visiting and my step dad will join us and is driving my grandmother in from Connecticut. i can't wait to see her! She's 91 and still young at heart. This is an incredible story of her: When she was pregnant with her first, they were twins. My grandfather was a merchant marine and out at sea. The twin boys came early and only lived 4 or 5 days (today they could have been saved)- but the military brought my grandfather back from the war to see them and say goodbye. While he was home, his ship was struck and many died. Isn't that crazy? Their loss actually saved his life and all the rest of us to come. I know she knows how I'm feeling and she never talked about it much over the years. I can't wait to hug her!

<3 Talk to you soon!


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## Cowgirl07

Following! I read your max journal as well and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your adoption journal and journey is short and soon you get to celebrate a new family member.


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## Cornfieldland

Wow that's ALOT of paper work! I understand why they ask for all that, but it's sad it's so hard for kids to get adopted. Friends of ours were able to adopt 2 little girls after the suffered a late second tri loss. They started with China, but it took so long they gave up and adopted locally. As soon as they got a baby girl from a teenage mom locally, they got a call from China that they had a little girl for them, so they got 2 babies :)


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## tag74

Cowgirl07 said:


> Following! I read your max journal as well and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your adoption journal and journey is short and soon you get to celebrate a new family member.

Thank you! And thank you for following! :)


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## tag74

Cowgirl07 said:


> Following! I read your max journal as well and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope your adoption journal and journey is short and soon you get to celebrate a new family member.




Cornfieldland said:


> Wow that's ALOT of paper work! I understand why they ask for all that, but it's sad it's so hard for kids to get adopted. Friends of ours were able to adopt 2 little girls after the suffered a late second tri loss. They started with China, but it took so long they gave up and adopted locally. As soon as they got a baby girl from a teenage mom locally, they got a call from China that they had a little girl for them, so they got 2 babies :)

WOW! That's amazing. 

How are you feeling friend?


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## tag74

Today was really hard. :nope:

I attended my niece's communion and yes, my cousin due the same day was there and was kind. And believe it or not, it was fine and not awkward.

BUT... the communion was a joint one...my niece and her cousin on the other side of the family. My SIL (we will call her KU) and her SIL (KR) who was throwing it are both nurses. KU is truly my best friend. I got there early as I was helping with the slide show. KR is a nurse at the hospital where I had Max. KR already got into an argument with KU for not telling her when I was going in so she could "arrange my medical team". 

DH and I really just wanted to do this ourselves. There were no malicious intents in "leaving people out of our business" or anything. It was quite literally the HARDEST day of my life. The medical staff was very kind and I was completely unconsolable. So much so I think they put me under sooner than they normally would because my anxiety was so high. Since losing Max, I haven't received a call, text, email, card or anything from KR and that's fine. I don't fault anyone for that. BUT...the first words out of her mouth when she saw me was, Hey, I was little surprised that you wouldn't tell me when you were going into the hospital? Not I'm sorry... etc. and her tone was very unsympathetic...she clearly had her panties in a bunch. I just began to cry...everything I didn't want to do today. She did say I'm sorry for making you cry...I just said KR, please don't take this personally, that day was really something we had to do ourselves. 

We both just avoided each other the rest of the afternoon. She did tell me was "sorry for earlier" right before I left but it still stung all day.

Just venting...my niece on the other hand looked so beautiful. And my L was a complete terror. :haha:


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## Cowgirl07

I'm so sorry, but quite frankly I don't see how it's anyone's business. No one deserves to know, that's rude. Aww your little girl sounds like fun.


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## mum140381

:hugs:


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## pinkpassion

:hugs: I'm so sorry. Some people can be so insensitive. Xoxo


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## Cornfieldland

I guess being a nurse didn't make her empathetic, she should have been more concerned about your feelings and how you were doing than her hurt feelings. I'm sorry, some people have no clue. Xxx


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## SoBlessedMama

I'm so sorry that happened at the communion. I hope otherwise things went well!

What an amazing story about your grandfather!! How incredibly hard for your grandmother to go through that, but what an amazing thought that her little angels may have literally preserved your entire family!


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## Bevziibubble

:hugs::hugs:


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## Whimsical88

for a nurse to be so insensitive its actually disgusting. firstly it should not have even been brought up outside a hospital environment as outside the hospital it has nothing to do with her and secondly why make it all about her....its something you went through and your delt with it the way you thought was right at that moment. toss that old sod....
on a much lighter note, so much paperwork!!! how do you actually put your life into 50 odd pictures...hmmm....good luck with that.


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## Lovn.sunshine

Shame on her for being so rude and selfish. :hugs:


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## lemon_tree

I'm sorry that drama came up. I think you handled it well by telling her that that day was something you and your husband needed to work through and handle on your own. <3 

Thank you for the heads up on needing those pictures. That is a LOT of pictures. I think DH and I have like 4 pictures of each other together. I read him what you wrote and he was like :shock: Time to get started, I guess. 

Huge hugs. Hope this process goes smoothly for you. :hugs:


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## tankel

Thinking of you. Glad to hear things were mostly good on the weekend. The story of your grandparents is amazing. It is a wonderful reminder that we cannot always see the end of the path or know why things happen, but we can be assured that things will work out in the end. When our stories are up, it is times like that (and losing little Max) that really are the shapers and it may be a while before the entire path can be seen. I hope that this came across how I meant it. Just know that I am wishing you happiness and peace. :friends:


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## tag74

So true Tankel. Thank you for putting that into perspective!!

Today was a better day... :) 

All our paperwork is done and now we wait for the home study meeting on Friday. I'll have more to report then.

DH said, I consider us pregnant but without a due date. So sweet...now we wait for our birth mom to find us! <3


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## SoBlessedMama

What a perfect and sweet way for your DH to put that. : )


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## TTC74

Tara - that's so sweet of DH! I can't wait for your birth mom to find you. What a beautiful new adventure. :flower:


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## Whimsical88

thats just the sweetest thing ever from DH......what a way to put it. and so true are his words...fx for home inspection.


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## mum140381

aww dh x


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## Bevziibubble

Aww how sweet of your DH! :cloud9:


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## LuvallmyH

Come on birth mama! This is the perfect family for you!


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## susannah14

Following!


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## Lovn.sunshine

That is so sweet of him to say <3

Fingers crossed for a smooth home study! :hugs:


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## sportysgirl

Very sweet of dh. x


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## DaTucker

Following! I'm going through the state so I'm very interested in seeing the process through a private agency. We might go that route one day!


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## pinkpassion

Tara I'm thinking of you, can't wait for your next update... I'll miss you while I'm temporarily away but I'll be back asap!! :hugs:


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## Lovn.sunshine

Good luck today!! Sending positive home study vibes [even though I know you guys will rock it ;) ] <3


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## TTC74

OOH! Home study is today? Very excited for you. Keep us updated!


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## amyamyamy

I am SO HAPPY for you and DH. <3


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## tag74

:hi: 

Datucker! We are doing it both ways :). Are you in the states? We are at the beginning stages with the state though.

Today was the first meeting for the home study for private adoption. The woman's name was...S. Super nice woman.

Let's just say I got an A+ :rofl:. Essentially, there was a checklist of 20 pieces of documentation that they usually receive from the couple 4 weeks from the first meeting but I of course got the whole thing done before the first meeting...it was a 3 ring binder, 50 pages long, with our autobiography written, medical reports, marriage and birth certificates, financial statements, references, doctor notes, life insurance policies, checks, copies of driver's licenses, copy of our mortgage, income verifications, State clearances, fingerprinting, background checks...are you still reading???? ALL DONE and in page protectors. :haha::rofl:

So the beginning of the meeting went like this, "...for the first portion of the meeting we will go through all the forms/documentation we will need." DH started laughing and then I told her I already had it done. She smirked and looked perplexed. I handed over the 3 ring binder and put my duplicate binder I made for us on my lap. :rofl: And then I started laughing. I said, let's just say project management is part of my day to day work.

She went through it and was shaking her head. I felt like a complete dork and thought oh no---what if she takes this as OCD and not excited to adopt! She said, "I have to say I've been doing this work for 19 years...and never had I have a couple come in here and hand something like this to me ever." I said, is that a bad thing? She said "No, this is quite amazing and impressive." :dohh:

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Pick us! Pick us! I little overachieving I guess! :blush:

Anyway, then she asked how we met...why we chose adoption...etc. The whole hour we spent laughing and having a great time- sharing our desires and why we wanted to adopt. I think she really liked us. She told us at the end unless we were good actors we will have no problems and that she will try and expedite everything. So we have one meeting the next two weeks and then she'll meet the kids in early June and then she'll write the report. I anticipate everything will be complete from that standpoint by the first week in July.

The adoption agency will finish our adoption profile and then they will start presenting us to current birth mom's in two weeks. Of course, regardless of a completed home study...they select us...so I hope we will make a good impression. There are some really great adoptive parent profiles out there.

But I feel really really good about today. Happy Friday everyone!!!


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## Lovn.sunshine

I just got all teary!!! What a fantastic start! I love that you were super prepared!! Just shows how amazing you are! <3
I'm just so excited for you and your family in getting another step closer to meeting your newest little love!!!!


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## mum140381

what a great start so very organised i bet she was really impressed x


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## TTC74

Glad to hear everything went well!


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## helloeveryone

So glad everything went well, looking forwards to following your journey, followed your journey with your little max was hoping the best for you.xxx


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## lemon_tree

Tag, you are brilliant and amazing and this post filled my heart ALL THE WAY UP. 

Your binder story makes me drool ... I love binders of all shapes and sizes and it's pretty phenomenal that you got that done FOUR WEEKS ahead of schedule. Way to go, girl!!! :happydance:

I can't wait for this to move ahead for you. <3

A++, sounds like! :rofl:


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## Starlight288

Excited to follow your story!!! Best of luck to you and your family.


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## LuvallmyH

Wonderful update! You are nothing short of amazing!


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## Bevziibubble

I am glad everything went well, Tara. You are amazing!


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## Cornfieldland

Sounds very promising! :) so happy you and DH are such excellent candidates it's all so exciting!


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## amyamyamy

It warms my heart to read your update <3 and of course you had the binder ready to go, I wouldn't expect anything less :haha: 

But seriously, this is awesome news. I'm so excited for you! <3


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## Whimsical88

binder ready for her and your own copy....little OCD...lol...nah just well prepared. glad everything went well. hopfully in the next few months you get your little bundle of joy.


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## tag74

lemon_tree said:


> Tag, you are brilliant and amazing and this post filled my heart ALL THE WAY UP.
> 
> Your binder story makes me drool ... I love binders of all shapes and sizes and it's pretty phenomenal that you got that done FOUR WEEKS ahead of schedule. Way to go, girl!!! :happydance:
> 
> I can't wait for this to move ahead for you. <3
> 
> A++, sounds like! :rofl:

Yes fellow Marketing Manager...I love binders, page dividers and sticky notes too! :haha:

A little down in the dumps today. My mom sent me a text that her friend's daughter just gave birth to a baby boy. I don't know...just hit me in the gut. I naturally did the mature thing and responded with :growlmad:

She said, "I know I'm sad too, just thought you would want to know."

I said, "thanks all set, LOL."

I hate feeling resentful. The weird thing is I never feel resentful here on BnB...it's like we are this invincible tribe. :flower:

So Wednesday is our 2nd Home Study meeting with just DH and I. Then I meet with her separately and then DH meets with her separately. And then she meets the kids in mid-June. I pray to god 3 year old Lucy doesn't use her new swearword she learned from god knows where. :dohh: Oh right, my DH. :blush:

Oh and wait until you hear this story about S. She has made a couple of new friends at school. So over the weekend she went and saw a movie with them, then they drove to get ice cream and then she asked if they could come back to the house. Which they did. The kids left around midnight after hanging out in the basement. Well while the driver of the car who is 17 was taking the other two kids home...my DH's police department pulled him over for driving not only an unregistered vehicle but for driving without a license. :wacko: For the second time in 3 months. What is wrong with his parents? They knew and didn't care. He never told S that he didn't have his license, and she was so upset. She said, don't you know my dad is a cop??? And you drove me all night and drove your unregistered car to my house? My DH's shift was the one who picked them up. Ugh! Parenting a teenager and a toddler is so different. LOL


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## lemon_tree

tag74 said:


> Yes fellow Marketing Manager...I love binders, page dividers and sticky notes too! :haha:

These are a few of my favorite things! :rofl: New notebooks, too, and sharpies. I LOVE sharpies. <3 

That's can be such tough news to get. :nope: But _an invincible tribe_... I like that. That very much captures the spirit of this site and how I think a lot of us feel. :hugs: 

The next set of interviews and meetings will go well, I know they will. Lucy will have surely forgotten that word by then, right? :winkwink: 

And just wow. Wow. Teenagers. How could his parents NOT CARE? What kind of message does that send? I'm glad S wasn't in the car when it happened. That's just so unbelievable to me. Dealing with a new swear word sounds like such a much more straightforward thing to deal with, compared to that. :dohh:


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## Lovn.sunshine

This really is an invincible tribe :friends:

Hope part 2 goes well [I'm sure it will!]

Too funny about L's newest vocab word thanks to DH :rofl: My S learns them all from me :blush: :haha:

Oh my, what is wrong with his parents that they don't care?! And how dumb can he be driving that car to your house with S in it when they must know dh is a cop?! :wacko:


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## tankel

OMG some teens are just :dohh:


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## Whimsical88

tag thats teenagers for you. to think at one stange you were there and did some questionable things like us all. if the other visits are anything like this one, im sure you will have it all covered.
in this forum its really like a second family, the kind that does not give you the side looks and are truly happy when they say they are and have no hidden agendas.
happy to be a part of your journey


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## tag74

lemon_tree said:


> tag74 said:
> 
> 
> Yes fellow Marketing Manager...I love binders, page dividers and sticky notes too! :haha:
> 
> These are a few of my favorite things! :rofl: New notebooks, too, and sharpies. I LOVE sharpies. <3Click to expand...

Yes!!!! Fine tip Sharpies are my favorite! DH can't stand them!



Lovn.sunshine said:


> This really is an invincible tribe :friends:
> 
> Hope part 2 goes well [I'm sure it will!]
> 
> Too funny about L's newest vocab word thanks to DH :rofl: My S learns them all from me :blush: :haha:

:rofl: And she even uses it in the correct context!!!


I know, I feel bad for kids with bad parents. One of the kids sent me a long text apologizing last night. I really respect that. :)


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## amyamyamy

Invincible tribe... that's the best. I totally laughed my ass off imagining your toddler cursing to the adoption lady omg, I'm sure they've seen it all :rofl: Of all the words they could learn, they always learn the inappropriate ones!


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## Bubbles1088

I hope all continues to go well with the adoption process. All in all it sounds promising! :thumbup:

If Ashlyn doesn't know every swear in the book by the time she's talking, I will be very surprised. :haha: We try to edit ourselves, we really do but it's a tough habit to break!


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## Bevziibubble

Hoping everything continues to go well :)


OMG I can't believe Syd's friend! :nope:


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## DaisyDreamer

Hi I hope you don't mind me following. Have seen you around and (because I'm a total creep) I actually had a dream about you or rather your username last night. Hope you are doing ok.

Oh goodness toddlers swearing :haha: I'm sure the HV will go just fine!


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## Lovn.sunshine

Thinking of you today! Hope the visit goes swimmingly! <3


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## tag74

:hi: Daisy!! Omg you had me cracking up as I was walking in circles to beat my sister in the Fitbit challenge. Was it a good dream???

I ask because- yesterday I spoke with 3 adoptive families, today I talked with 4 on the phone. Each time I was in my driveway pacing and I found a penny yesterday and 2 crystals today. So weird as I never find stuff like that in my driveway. Pennies from heaven??

Anyway- the families were amazing and reassuring. Telling me moms pick families for so many different reasons that we could never write the perfect profile. Maybe they like how you look, or they see you have a horse or a stack of board games in a pic- one birth mom saw the family likes spaghetti and chose them for that! 

So for those thinking of adoption - here's the list to remember:
- it's a waiting game
- you will most likely be matched more than once because a birth mom backs out
- you're allowed to pick an allowance you'll pay to help with birth mom expenses- the higher your allowance the more moms you're presented to:wacko:

Oh and then I have a crazy story for you but I'll log on tonight and write from my computer.

Today- our home study went well. More paperwork :dohh: and we watched a video and had to take an online course because we are open to any race and they want to make sure that we understand the barriers with that. 

But interestingly....she told us any child would thrive with us and asked us to join their waiting list of 15 families waiting to adopt in our state! They will only charge us for placement - no charge up front- it is still a lot of money but we thought let's let anyone market us and we were thrilled they asked! 

Next meeting is next Wednesday for a one on one with me and then DH goes a week from Friday. 

I'm so tired already! Lol


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## DaisyDreamer

I don't remember as much but I remember seeing your name somewhere while I was arguing the proper way to spell some Russian provence that's entirely made up.

Aww that's such good news! I'm glad all went well. Hopefully you're not on the waiting list too long. 

Can't wait to hear your crazy story


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## Bubbles1088

Woohoo!!! Great news, tag! :D


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## tag74

Ok, so I'm interviewing all these adoptive families to get everyone's perspective...and to be honest, I love research.

Anyway I was on the phone with A, who had adopted her daughter almost 3 years ago from a married couple with 2 kids they could barely afford. They have a semi-open adoption. They were just about to go through adoption again, when this couple called them and said they really wanted their daughter to have a full sibling while she grew up and could they get pregnant for her and they wouldn't charge her! :shrug: Isn't that amazing and crazy at all the same time? They are having the baby in September and handing him over. (kind of made me thing of Max <3 Love him). I just thought that was a pretty amazing thing.

Ok, signing off!


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## amyamyamy

This whole process sounds simultaneously AMAZING and EXHAUSTING, phew! Can you imagine being chosen because you have a mutual love of spaghetti? That's kind of crazy, but just goes to show that you will probably be matched with the child you should be, regardless of how you present yourselves. I'm so happy for you guys!


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## mum140381

that is amazing x


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## Bevziibubble

Aww that sounds amazing hun!


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## lemon_tree

<3


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## Whimsical88

wow thats alot of things happening. but from it all i gather things are moving along quite smoothly and im quite sure you will be getting your call. spaghetti...we all have something that brings good memories.
thats so sweet for a family to want there adopted child to grow up with a sibling. so happy for that couple.


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## Lovn.sunshine

Wow! It all does sound exhausting but in the end, so rewarding! <3 

That's crazy [and awesome] that they would want their daughter to have a full sibling and would be will to have another child and that both families were on board!


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## BookGeek

Hi Tag! I hope you don't mind another follower. I read your previous journal to catch up on your life and I have to say you are an incredibly strong woman! I know your baby is out there somewhere, looking for you and your family!



> I hate feeling resentful. The weird thing is I never feel resentful here on BnB...it's like we are this invincible tribe.

Can I just say that I ADORE this sentiment?!?!? I feel the exact same way. :)


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## tankel

Love that story.


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## tag74

BookGeek said:


> Hi Tag! I hope you don't mind another follower. I read your previous journal to catch up on your life and I have to say you are an incredibly strong woman! I know your baby is out there somewhere, looking for you and your family!
> 
> 
> 
> I hate feeling resentful. The weird thing is I never feel resentful here on BnB...it's like we are this invincible tribe.
> 
> Can I just say that I ADORE this sentiment?!?!? I feel the exact same way. :)Click to expand...

:hi: I love that you joined us here! Thanks for reading up on Max and our story too! I'll be checking your journal out too!


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## TTC74

An invincible tribe. I love it!


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## Whimsical88

i finally had some time to read about Baby Max and wow. really wow. i went on a rollercoaster of emotions from happiness to uncertainty to happy to sad to speechless to anger to heart ache to tears to not wanting to read on to anger to hurt and the so much rage and then back to utter sadness. im sorry if this is hard for you, just reading your journey was hard for me. i am so happy that you have come to be who you and and have come to a place of peace. hate that you were bullied and judged but honey its your journey for you to do what you feel right and we are all here to support you and walk with you. so all my love to you. wishing by Sept you have a baby to hold


----------



## tag74

Ok, our profile is complete. I wish I could share it here for your opinion. It's a 6 page PDF. There's one photo I'm really not crazy about (i look high) so they will swap it out with another one. 

I'm happy to send it to anyone who wants to see it. Any ideas how I could share it?


----------



## tag74

Whimsical88 said:


> i finally had some time to read about Baby Max and wow. really wow. i went on a rollercoaster of emotions from happiness to uncertainty to happy to sad to speechless to anger to heart ache to tears to not wanting to read on to anger to hurt and the so much rage and then back to utter sadness. im sorry if this is hard for you, just reading your journey was hard for me. i am so happy that you have come to be who you and and have come to a place of peace. hate that you were bullied and judged but honey its your journey for you to do what you feel right and we are all here to support you and walk with you. so all my love to you. wishing by Sept you have a baby to hold

Thanks friend. It was definitely one of the worse times of my life. I miss Max and his little kicks and what could have been. :hugs:


----------



## Cowgirl07

Private Fb group or pm? Not sure but it's probably lovely


----------



## tag74

Ok I created a private FB group. :) Our home study isn't complete so it can't be public so that's probably the best approach. If you'd like to see it, PM me and I can give you my full name to friend me. <3


----------



## DaisyDreamer

For those not on FB (me) and would like to see it you could upload to Google Dox and give a link?


----------



## tag74

DaisyDreamer said:


> For those not on FB (me) and would like to see it you could upload to Google Dox and give a link?

Oh, I love that you're not on FB! :)

I can add it to a google doc! Send me your email!


----------



## DaisyDreamer

tag74 said:


> Oh, I love that you're not on FB! :)
> 
> I can add it to a google doc! Send me your email!

I spend plenty of time on BnB to make up for it :haha:


----------



## lemon_tree

Oh I want to see it! Would love to be added! <3


----------



## busytulip

I've just caught up, sorry I've been AWOL. You're always in my prayers though.

So I've just got to know...did you make sure that you were eating spaghetti in one of your photos :rofl: In all seriousness, praying that you are matched very quickly and that things go flawlessly.

:hug:


----------



## Wish2BMom

Hi Tag! :wave:

you've got yourself a new follower here. :) DH and I may be embarking on an adoption journey ourselves and I know nothing about it. I know more now from reading what you're going through, though! EXCELLENT tips about getting prepared! 
I'd love to read your profile too. I do have some other questions - I'll PM you. Thank you for offering that. :)

Good luck to you and your family in this new journey - you sound like you are more than ready for your new addition. Any child will be lucky to have you!

Also, I'm so sorry about Max. I want to read that blog as well. It's horrible that any of us have to go through any sort of loss, it's so heartbreaking. But I can't fathom at 17 weeks. :nope:


----------



## Wish2BMom

oh no! I can't PM you b/c your inbox is full! :)


----------



## lemon_tree

<3 Hi, Tag! :wave:

For the PDF, what kind of feedback are you hoping for?


----------



## tag74

:hi: Wish2BMom Welcome!! Thank you for joining!!!!! Happy to answer any questions!

And I cleaned out my mailbox so I can get more mail. Sorry! :dohh:

So any comments are welcome!! I did have them change out some photos (like the cover photo). I just don't think our wedding photo shouldn't be front and center.

I have received awesome feedback from the adoption families that have had successful adoptions on the profile so I'm so appreciative of any feedback.

My next meeting for home study is by myself tomorrow morning! :)


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

I think it's fabulous. Very well written! Heck, makes me want to be adopted into your family ;) Awesome that you're getting great awesome responses from the adoption families!! One step closer!! Good luck tomorrow [even though I know you'll be great!!]


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## mum140381

yee one step closer x


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Wow, Tag!!!! Everything sounds like it is moving along smoothly. : ) What an incredible journey! Praying for you as your sweet family starts being presented to birth moms.

What an amazing story about the birth mom having another baby to give a sibling!!!! That's incredible!!!


----------



## tag74

Thanks everyone! The social worker confirmed because of my "due diligence" (over preparedness :rofl:) they will be able to complete our Home Study in 6 weeks time versus the 12 week time it typically takes. :rofl:




mum140381 said:


> yee one step closer x

MUM140281 OH MY GOD! your profile pic!!! I love it.


In other news...LUCY turns 3 next week on June 3rd!!! I can hardly believe it. We have two days of birthday parties for her of course! :dohh:


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

That is awesome!!! So exciting!!

OMG I Can't believe Lucy will be 3 in a week! :shock:


----------



## Bevziibubble

Oh wow I can't believe Lucy is going to be 3 soon!


----------



## tankel

Whats the party theme?


----------



## mum140381

thank you:cloud9:


----------



## lemon_tree

tag74 said:


> Thanks everyone! The social worker confirmed because of my "due diligence" (over preparedness :rofl:) they will be able to complete our Home Study in 6 weeks time versus the 12 week time it typically takes. :rofl:

You are so my hero! :rofl:

I can't believe it's tomorrow! This is rolling!

How are you feeling? <3


----------



## tag74

So Lucy's party theme is Skye from Paw Patrol. I will post pics of her over the top cake. And for new followers, we always do over the top parties for two reasons:

1. i didn't have birthday parties growing up (long story for another time) and I live vicariously through my children. :rofl:
2. We always use times for celebration for an excuse to have big parties :haha:

I am super excited that the home study will be done so quickly!!!

Of those that read our adoption profile, did you think the copy was over the top? I was trying to really put ourselves in the birthmother's shoes while trying to be ourselves.


----------



## busytulip

Yay for the home study being done so quickly :dance:

Whoa 3 already? I love big celebrations, I hope party planning helps keep you busy in between waiting for the next step.


----------



## Wish2BMom

if that 6 week drop in overall time for this stuff to take place isn't inspirational enough, I don't know what is! I am so looking forward to seeing how well this goes for you.
Until then, enjoy your party planning!

oh, and that story about the parents of one adopted child wanting to have another free of charge?! man those adopters hit the lotto!


----------



## LuvallmyH

Three is so much fun! She's such a loved and lucky little girl. 

I hear you on parenting 16 year olds. It is a different animal. Sounds like you and I are super lucky there though. I hear horror stories about other people's kids. Sydney & Hadleigh are really special. 

A home study in half the time sure sounds awesome! I remember going through it when I was younger for my sister. I didn't understand then how grueling it must have bee for my parents. I just remember they wanted to talk to everyone!


----------



## tag74

So I received a very sweet message from one of my BnB besties who asked about more photos of my girls in my profile...and it was such a good point that I need to share with you...

Believe it or not - they (the agency) doesn't want more pics of my girls!! :dohh: The agency said they market us as a couple and that sometimes having kids is a negative as many birth moms either want a family with no kids or they are just so completely and understandably overwhelmed on making sure their newborn is completely loved. This is like match.com but for picking parents for your baby! But I totally agree with you!!! I would have many more pics of them...and I also have a plan. Of course...

This profile is suppose to be about us and our family. So after 6 months...I may swap in more photos that I would want to see as a birth mom. I want a birth mom to know their newborn would be loved just like my other kids and see my children are happy and even love each other.

I am off to my 3rd home study meeting.... :happydance:


----------



## Whimsical88

the profile is wonderful. captures your family completely.
i love party planning. hope you have fun with that.
time is flying by so fast, good luck with your "interview" today. hope it goes well.
fx


----------



## lemon_tree

Good luck today! :happydance:


----------



## Cornfieldland

Hope all goes well, I'm so excited for you everything sounds so promising! :)


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

I think it's so well written and really lets the reader get a sneak peak into your life, the love that you have for each other, your family and all the love that you have to offer a new little one <3 
Good luck today, I know you'll rock it! :D


----------



## mum140381

gl x


----------



## busytulip

:friends: Fx'd the meeting goes well and you aren't too anxious


----------



## TTC74

You're going to rock this thing, lady! You'll be with the next love of your life before you know it!


----------



## DaisyDreamer

Good luck Tara!


----------



## amyamyamy

gl xx 

I never would have thought about having pictures of your other children might deter some birth moms :shrug: your girls are just wonderful though, the love really comes through in your pictures of them.


----------



## SoBlessedMama

I hope the meeting went well!!

That makes sense about only "marketing" the parents--but I know as a mom, one of the greatest things in my life is seeing my boys interact together. It seems like loving, happy siblings would be a selling point. You're probably right though, that it is just so overwhelming for birth moms that less may be more. I'm sure what you have is perfect, and will eventually match you to your little one. : )


----------



## Wish2BMom

how did it go?
also, mind adding me to that FB group so I can take a gander at your profile write-up? thank you so much for sharing!


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Hope everything went swimmingly! <3


----------



## tag74

Everything went great!! I had written my autobiography out which is what she reviews with me and she said, "this is so thorough I don't have much to talk with you about." :rofl: But I talked to her about the profile and I think when our home study is final, I may update it to include one more photo of the girls and write a couple more sentences that includes how much we love being parents. I completely agree with everyone and that was my gut feeling too...so I will wait for our home study to be complete which should be by the end of June and it will give us one month to see how this current profile performs. :)

Hubby goes tomorrow and then in two weeks our home visit takes place and WE ARE DONE!

Our profile with the agency is finalized and they will begin presenting us immediately! :happydance: Every month we will get an email on how many times they present us etc. It feels so real!!! I'll keep you all posted. 

<3


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Squeeeeeeeee!!!!! I'm just so excited for you!!! I'm so happy everything is going so well and that things are moving right along!!! <3


----------



## pinkpassion

:yipee: so excited for you!!!


----------



## busytulip

Good luck to your hubs tomorrow!

Eeeek 2 weeks :wohoo: So excited for you guys!


----------



## lemon_tree

This is wonderful. :cloud9: I'm so happy for and proud of you. Can't wait to hear how your DH's experience is. Things are seriously moving! :happydance:


----------



## TTC74

That's SUPER exciting that in 2 weeks you'll start getting presented and even know how often they present you. This is just moving at lightning speed! :happydance:


----------



## SoBlessedMama

How exciting!!!!!!


----------



## Cornfieldland

Wow that's awesome :) I was wondering if it is for newborn babies, if so do you get them right away? Hope it's ok to ask.


----------



## BookGeek

So exciting!!! I'm so glad to hear that you are moving forward and that everything is happening in good time. Are your girls getting excited to have a new sibling soon?


----------



## mum140381

its a lot quicker than i thought it would be thats great x


----------



## Wish2BMom

crazy how quickly this is going!!! I hope the placement happens just as fast!!
man you are setting the bar high here!! :)


----------



## DaisyDreamer

Ahh! that is so great! Everything is just falling into place for your family. So happy for you guys and cheering you on! :yipee::wohoo:


----------



## tag74

Thanks everyone! DH went today and our social worker said she'd start writing our home study right away and the last piece is our home visit. So it may be done even quicker! I'm so excited we don't have to wait until August like we originally thought! She scheduled our home visit that far out because by law home visits can't be completed in our state in less than a month. So our first visit was mid-May and our last will be mid-June! :happydance:



Cornfieldland said:


> Wow that's awesome :) I was wondering if it is for newborn babies, if so do you get them right away? Hope it's ok to ask.

Of course you can ask! Yes newborn and you're called to go in when the birth mom goes into labor as you have to be there when the baby is born. It's quite a neat experience!



BookGeek said:


> So exciting!!! I'm so glad to hear that you are moving forward and that everything is happening in good time. Are your girls getting excited to have a new sibling soon?

Yes the older one is- the 3 year old will though! :)


----------



## tag74

In a strange twist of fate, BookGeek and I found out that I live in the same neighborhood as her parents! Small world!!

:friends:


----------



## amyamyamy

mid-june!!! that's so soon omg this is happening so fast <3


----------



## Bevziibubble

I am so excited for you!! <3


----------



## Cornfieldland

Wow that would be an exciting experience :) it's like the most amazing gift you can get/give. I can't wait for this to happen for you!


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## mum140381

:thumbup:


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## busytulip

<3


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## Whimsical88

wow things are really moving fast. im battling to wrap my head around the process. how are you feeling through all this? glad both the individual talks went well and so happy that you may have a baby in the next few months.....maybe weeks....fx crossed....

hugs to you


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## tankel

This is so exciting. I have everything crossed for you.


----------



## BookGeek

tag74 said:


> In a strange twist of fate, BookGeek and I found out that I live in the same neighborhood as her parents! Small world!! :friends:

It really is a small world! We definitely need to get together the next time I'm home a visit. :hugs:

Ohmygosh mid-June! That's only a couple of weeks!!! I know you and DH are going to pass with flying colors! Your whole adoption packet is just wonderful, and I am confident that you will be chosen by a birthmother looking for a loving, happy, and close-knit family exactly like yours!


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## ab75

I've not read your profile,but just from what I read on here,I know that you'll have a newborn in your arms soon. You deserve this. And the child will be very lucky to have you as their mummy xx


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## lemon_tree

<3 xoxo


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

This is all so exciting!! Mid-June is just around the corner!!! <3


----------



## busytulip

Heeeeyyy...it's June! Praying you are blessed very quickly <3


----------



## LuvallmyH

:flower:


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Happy 3rd birthday Lucy!!!! :cake:


----------



## Bevziibubble

Happy birthday to Lucy! Hope she has a lovely day :)


----------



## tag74

Thank you! Yes it was a wonderful weekend celebrating her!!! 

I am so tired....70 people were over yesterday and I just finished cleaning!! 

Talk to y'all soon! xoxoxo


----------



## SoBlessedMama

WOW!!!! Sounds busy, and very fun. : ) Hope you get some rest!


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## Momofmany7

omg 70 ur one brave lady x


----------



## Bevziibubble

Wow that sounds very busy!


----------



## Whimsical88

glad everything went well and hope the young lady had a fun filled weekend.


----------



## lemon_tree

That sounds huge and exhausting and was probably so much fun! Glad the party was Saturday and not Sunday. The rain yesterday afternoon/evening was crazy up here. :shock:

Rest up!


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## tankel

70! Thats crazy. I don't even know 70 people!


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## LuvallmyH

Sounds like a very memorable birthday!


----------



## lemon_tree

tankel said:


> 70! Thats crazy. I don't even know 70 people!

Me neither, Tank! :rofl:


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## tag74

:rofl:

I'll post a photo of the cake. It was amazing!


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## tag74

The cake!
 



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## tag74

Cake photo part deux
 



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## busytulip

So cute!


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## Cowgirl07

Awesome cake! I love cake


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## Bevziibubble

Love the cake!


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## Whimsical88

love the cake....too cute.


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## amyamyamy

Awwww <3


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## pinkpassion

So precious. Now I want cake :rofl:


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## Lovn.sunshine

So awesome!! Love it!!


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## Wish2BMom

i'm still getting over the 70 people...I've had almost 20 at my house for holidays and I almost freak!


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## tag74

Thanks guys! And :hi: Pinkpassion!!! Glad you emerged from sleepless nights. :)

So we heard from our social worker and our home study will be complete a week from Friday!!! Yayyyyy!!

I am rewriting our profile a bit, and your input was really valuable. I am including a couple more sentences about the girls, a photo of them and taking out some of the over thankfulness. I don't want to come across too desperate.

I am reluctantly adding our loss of Max...many couples do and I guess some birth mom's like placing their child in homes where parents try hard to have kids and can't due to losses. I feel like I'm using him :(. On that note, I have a shelf in my walk in closet dedicated to him. My bear with his beating heart went off and it just brought me to tears. I feel so bad that his little life was cut so short and that he was dealt such a bad hand. It was also nice to hear his little heartbeat again. <3


----------



## amyamyamy

I'm so happy to hear your home study is nearly complete! I didn't think you sounded too desperate, I wanted you to adopt me after reading it :haha: but in all seriousness, I think it is beneficial to write about Max. I can see why you may be reluctant, but it makes sense, given that he holds a special place in your family and birth moms should know that. I'm getting so excited for you lady, you're going to make an amazing adoptive mama. <3


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## pinkpassion

:hugs: you are one of the best mommas ever!!! I see how you could feel as though adding Max to it could feel like using him, but I think it's important for birth mom's to see your pain and know that you absolutely loved him and wanted him desperately and I think even adding the losses before him. Sometimes when we are most vulnerable we are seen fully. And you my sweet friend are a beautiful person! You have so much in your heart, so much love and hurt and everything that makes you you. Shine through and there's not a single woman who wouldn't choose you!!!!

I am reading even if I don't comment. I'm here to watch your journey unfold and cheer and laugh and rejoice with you when you bring your sweet baby home!!!!


----------



## busytulip

Wishing you the best as your pour love into your edited profile.
Max's heartbeat :hugs:


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## Whimsical88

Its lovely that you adding a bit about Max. He was and always will be a part of your family. And going forward you will do things to remember him and your new baby will also be part of that tradition. I hope evrything goes well and you have your little one soon


----------



## BookGeek

Happy belated birthday, Lucy! That was an amazing cake!!!

I'm so glad to hear that your home study is almost done! I concur with some of the other ladies; I think it's a good idea to have a bit in your profile about your girls and Max. I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to sum everything up in just a few sentences, but it will allow the birthmothers to have a more complete picture of you, your DH, and your family. I believe that those are just the details necessary to bring the right baby to you. :hug:


----------



## Wish2BMom

wahoo for the home study being almost finished! that's so fantastic!

I agree with the ladies about adding in a few lines about the girls and Max. I know it's hard to open up something you're trying to compartmentalize but it's a big part of you and part of what helped your decision to get to where you are. 
:hugs:


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Oh that's so exciting about the home study being done by the end of next week! :dance:

I wanted you to adopt me too, once I'd read it lol But I think it's great that you're going to add a bit about the girls and a picture of them. I can only imagine the mixed emotions about adding Max in there too. I, personally, don't think you're using him. He's part of your family and your journey. And I hope this doesn't come off wrong but I'd like to think his teddy going off was maybe his way of telling you it's OK. :hugs: Love you girl.


----------



## DaisyDreamer

That was a lovely cake! Happy belated little girl Lucy :)

:hugs2: for Max's heartbeat

I'm sure your profile will be even better than it was


----------



## lemon_tree

The cake is gorgeous. :cloud9:

And that's just over a week away!! :shock: :happydance:

Did you want any comments on this last version? I am sorry I didn't pull myself together in time to send feedback on the others. I can definitely spend some time on this one though, if that'd be a help in any way. And I am glad you included Max in it. He's part of you and part of your family and your story and journey to this new little one. <3

Xo


----------



## tankel

SO at first I was hesitant about the thought of you adding something about Max because--even though I fully believe that you made the right decision--I was thinking that maybe others might have a hard time knowing that you did (without knowing the full story and knowing your family). But as I was typing up that sentiment, it occurred to me that Max is one of the reasons why you are adopting and that is important. I suppose it can be worded in a way that I can't think of right now where that very hard choice you had to make won't spark something in any potential families. And if I were giving up a child for adoption, I think that knowing the compassion and the love you had for your son would say volumes about how you will/do treat your children (natural and adopted). Anyway, I'm so happy that this journey is going so quickly and smoothly for you. :friends:


----------



## tag74

Thanks guys! All your sweet notes mean a lot!

Tank! Thanks for your insight...the profile will only touch on Max and not his condition or our decision to deliver. Here is the paragraph:)
*
Our Journey To Adopt section*
We always desired a large family. After we were married, adoption was always a part of our conversations and both of us agreed wed have strong regrets if we never had that chance. We were told there was a small chance we could have children of our own after we were blessed with our little Lucy. So we began researching adoption as we were excited to bring another child into our home. We were shocked to find out soon after that we were pregnant again. Sadly, we lost our unborn son at 5 months old, but we knew in our hearts that his loss shouldn't delay our dreams to adopt. We have a strong belief that people are brought together when they are meant to be. We are incredibly respectful of how hard this journey is and are eternally grateful for your willingness to consider us.

What do you think?


----------



## DaisyDreamer

:thumbup: I really like it. Not too graphic, but to the point. I really like the bit about how people are brought together when they are meant to be.


----------



## pinkpassion

I love it.. gracefully put!!


----------



## TTC74

Beautifully put! I love it!


----------



## tankel

Perfect.


----------



## Whimsical88

put that way, any mum will know exactly how you feel and will know you have only love to give to their little one. hope your jouney comes to a happy ending soon...


----------



## amyamyamy

<3 ... You can still adopt me if you want :haha: but for real, nice job. Just the right amount of detail and very well written.


----------



## Bevziibubble

That is beautiful <3


----------



## Wish2BMom

absolutely beautiful!


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Love. Absolutely perfect!! <3


----------



## LuvallmyH

I think it's perfect. I also think you are in no way using Max. He is a part of you and your family and I think the way you included him is totally appropriate.


----------



## lemon_tree

<3 :hugs: xo


----------



## tag74

Thank you guys! :friends:

So in other news...

I use to be skinny. :haha: But with the last year of being pregnant I gained SO MUCH WEIGHT! (like almost 35 pounds- true story!)

So I committed I would take the same amount of time to get healthy again for as long as I was pregnant with Max. That was my commitment to me and him. I thought he would want that for his mama too! 

Soooooo....I've been doing that for about a month and I lost 15 pounds!!! :happydance: I have 20+ more pounds to go...but I can't tell you how accomplished that makes me feel. It takes so much for me to even lose a pound and I've eliminated sugar and flour from my diet and walk every day for an hour. 

I hope I don't hit a plateau soon. Just had to share because you guys can keep me accountable too.


----------



## TTC74

That's awesome! I joined weight watchers this week because I have . . . Well, more than 35 pounds to lose.


----------



## amyamyamy

Congrats on the weight loss! That's significant, you're well on your way <3 are you changing your diet as well? Back to intermittent fasting? :haha:


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## Bevziibubble

What a fab weight loss! That's great! :D


----------



## BookGeek

I love the parts you added about Max. It was honest and heartfelt, and I don't think it needed to be more than that. You wrote about your love for your daughters and for Max beautifully. :)


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## pinkpassion

:yipee: for weightloss.. did you take a before/after lic? I like doing that for myself!!


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

That is fabulous!!! What an awesome job!! I'm sure Max is very proud of his mommy! <3


----------



## tag74

amyamyamy said:


> Congrats on the weight loss! That's significant, you're well on your way <3 are you changing your diet as well? Back to intermittent fasting? :haha:


LOL I am doing intermittent fasting! Shoot, is that showing up in my FB feed? :haha:

But I am also eating clean. I had one cheat day on Lucy's birthday party and I was so scared to weigh in a couple days later but I was still down a pound.

So people don't think I'm super crazy with fasting, you get your calories in but during a small eating window and you should eat healthy.

I am also exercising every day.


I can't wait to see what I'll be in a week! :happydance:

So I didn't take before photos as I have plenty of photos clothes where I think you'll be able to see a difference. I always gain in my face too...and my grandmother noticed last weekend and said she could tell in my face and stomach.

Once I get to my 2015 weight I'll post a before and after. I have been pretty good not getting in front of the camera since last summer. :winkwink:


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## tankel

yay. thats wonderful.


----------



## DaisyDreamer

Good for you for starting a clean eating regime! The Qigong wheel suggests eating breakfast around 7-8, lunch at noon (biggest meal), and light dinner around 6-8

Exercise is a must but sounds like you're on it!


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## amyamyamy

No we talked about it in my journal like a year ago :haha: it really works for me, if I eat early in the day it makes me hungrier and I eat way more. It just works for some people :shrug:


----------



## lemon_tree

Congrats, girl, that's gotta feel so good! :hugs:

My husband does something like intermittent fasting; he gets all his calories at dinner time. He loves it and feels great, but I miss eating breakfast/lunch with him. :haha: I cant go more than an hour or two without eating without becoming a miserable human being so it's not for me, but I totally see the benefits. :thumbup: :friends:


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## tag74

Lemon and Amy! That's exactly it.

1/2 the worlds population fasts and it's so good for you when done right. A study just cane out that a 3 day fast regenerates your whole immune system and docs are now trying it with cancer patients. 

I do feel my best when eating this way!


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## SoBlessedMama

Wow!!! Congrats on the weight loss--great job!!!

One of my aunts fasts one day a week, and she swears it makes her feel so much better. (She also lost a ton of weight after she started, and looks great!)


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## busytulip

Congrats on the weight loss!


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## LuvallmyH

That's fantastic! It must take a lot of discipline to eat that way. I tried a 3 day cleanse once & lasted 12 hrs.... :haha:
I'm happy you are taking time to take care of you :hugs:


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## Bubbles1088

Hey congrats on the weight loss! Glad to hear it's going well for you. :)


----------



## Whimsical88

tag congrats on the weight loss. thats so good to hear. i personally can not live without breakfast, lunch and supper most days so good for you to be able to do it. what i always tell everyone is i live to eat and not eat to live. hope you manage to lose all the weight soon. also you changed your eating habits plus added exercise so im sure you will lose it.


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

:hi:


----------



## busytulip

:friends:


----------



## lemon_tree

:wave:


----------



## pinkpassion

<3


----------



## tag74

So I have HUGE news!!!!!!!!!!!

Please see my signature. If I'm not around much the next few weeks...now you know why. :happydance:

Please pray for us and that everything goes smoothly.


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!! I can't love this enough!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Keeping everything crossed that everything goes smoothly and that baby is in your arms come July! <3


----------



## tag74

It's absolute CHAOS right now. No time to do anything. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD !!


----------



## lemon_tree

Tag oh my god ahhhhhh!!!!


----------



## LuvallmyH

AHHHH!!!! :yipee::wohoo:<3

More details as soon as you can!!!


----------



## tankel

This is the best news I've heard in a long time! So excited for you!


----------



## tankel

PS Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.


----------



## lemon_tree

:wohoo: :wohoo: :wohoo:

P.S. Your signature is making me hungry :rofl:


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

I can imagine. 18 days is no time at all!!

:yipee:


----------



## Cowgirl07

Eek! Must be due about the 4th! How happy you must be


----------



## busytulip

Wow! Yay!!! Praying, praying, praying everything goes smoothly. <3


----------



## DaisyDreamer

That's amazing! It happened so quick.... BIG CONGRATULATIONS to your whole family! :kiss::dance::bunny::wohoo:


----------



## Bevziibubble

Aww congratulations!!! So happy for you!! :happydance:


----------



## Wish2BMom

holy MOLY!!!! That's INSANE!!! congratulations and HURRY UP!! :happydance: :wohoo: :ninja:


----------



## Cornfieldland

Omg! I'm crying! I'm so so happy! That made my day :hugs: happy tears!! 
Can we send you gifts? I would love to send you something. So exciting!


----------



## amyamyamy

omg I am SO HAPPY for you <3

and yes I'd like to know if we can send you gifts, if there's anything you may want or need? are you registering somewhere?


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an insanely fast blessing!!!!!!


----------



## Bubbles1088

Ohhh Tag I'm SO HAPPY!!!! Ahhhhhh so much excitement, so much to do!


----------



## OhHappyZ

Just totally stumbled on this and it just made my day. You seem to have so much energy and organization! I bet you are a wonderful mommy. And OMG how exciting you have a baby coming!!! Your very own adopted baby will be in your arms so soon. This time will go by fast so remember to also cherish the last moments as a mother of two girls and one angel boy. Do you know any details? I'm sure you do, but don't have time to share, but I can't wait to hear the details!!! xoxo


----------



## helloeveryone

So so happy for you, following your journey. Wow so quick xxx


----------



## pinkpassion

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm just seeing this and I'm so freaking excited for you!!! Seriously tears of such joy and gratitude for you!!!!!! But... but
.. details I need more details :rofl:


----------



## TTC74

Holy cow! This is fantastic news! Prayers coming your way!


----------



## tag74

:hi: and welcome OhHappyZ! I promise to respond to you in my Max journal too. You're so sweet. 

Right now...everything is crazy and I have such a headache from being on the phone and trying to learn everything. And working on top of it all.

But I had to stop in and give you a bit of an update.

I am so so nervous. There may be some interstate issues so I'm trying to hold back my excitement in case that interferes with this going through. :dohh:

This has been quite the enlightening experience. I LOVE the birth mom and I promise to update when things aren't as up in the air and I don't want to share all the details just yet...as I don't want to jinx this. (Yes I'm that type :haha:)

Thank you so much for all the love!! I promise to come back when I know more. DH is on the phone (for an hour now) with her attorney. Stay tuned!


----------



## DaisyDreamer

I just want to give you a massive hug and do a dance with you !! :hugs2: \\:D/ :dance:


----------



## Whimsical88

OMW So happy for you.

sending you and your family love and hugs and prayers

lemon the ticker making me hungry tooo


----------



## susannah14

OMG fingers crossed so bad!!! I'm sure it'll go through and we will be waiting patiently to hear the details. Congrats :)


----------



## brittany12

Eekk!! Praying


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Sending all the positive vibes your way that nothing gets in the way! I love that you love the birth mom! That's so awesome!!! FX FX FX FX!!! Love you, girl!!! <3


----------



## ab75

hope everything goes smoothly for you xx


----------



## lemon_tree

<3<3<3


----------



## tag74

Guys! This is sooooo stressful. I am so sorry I'm not keeping up with your journals. Please forgive me.

Quick update: Right now we are dealing with interstate atty's to see if our agreement will pass the statutes in her state. 

I'm so sick to my stomach on this because she could go into labor anytime and we don't have signed contracts yet because of attys. Ahhhhhhh....

I am praying so hard.

This evening I bought her a little charm bracelet...she loves to dance. One charm says Dance like no one is watching, one charm is her initial, one charm is her current child's birthstone and the third charm is our little one's birthstone. 

:) okay, I hope to have more to update you tomorrow. I hope we make progress since it'll be the weekend before we know it. :dohh:


----------



## SoBlessedMama

What an incredibly sweet and thoughtful gift!!!! Praying all goes smoothly from here!


----------



## lemon_tree

Fingers and toes crossed and prayers for you, girl. <3


----------



## busytulip

Continued prayers that things come together quickly and without issue.


----------



## Bevziibubble

Got everything crossed for you :) xx


----------



## Bubbles1088

I hope it all goes smoothly!


----------



## Wish2BMom

I'm still in shock for you! This is so nuts! Usually you have 9 mos to prepare!! :)
I'm sure you're going to make the perfect little nest for the new addition, though. Have you told the girls?


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

That is such a sweet gift <3 
I'm got everything crossed that baby waits it out at least until everything is approved and signed. <3


----------



## KylasBaby

I've been silently stalking, but want to pop in. I bet you'll be able to sort it all out! My aunt and uncle adopted their first from Ohio and we are in Massachusetts and they were able to do it! Prayers for you and your family that it all goes smoothly! Baby needs to stay put until it's figured out!


----------



## tag74

We are pretty devastated. We "weren't moving fast enough" so the attorney that represented her put her in touch with another family.

I just feel like I can't catch a break. It seemed too good to be true and it was. :cry:

I probably should just take a break from this all. 

I feel so sick.


----------



## DaisyDreamer

Oh Tara I just can't imagine :hugs2::hugs2:


----------



## OhHappyZ

Oh no!!! In the end isn't it the mothers choice?! I sure hope so. Everything happens for a reason,so best wishes there is a damn good reason.


----------



## Cowgirl07

Oh no I'm sorry :(


----------



## amyamyamy

I'm so sorry to read this, it breaks my heart (aside from the fact it doesn't make sense)... but I have to believe there is a baby out there waiting for your family <3


----------



## lemon_tree

Oh Tag, I'm so sorry. That's just not fair. :nope:


----------



## Cornfieldland

:( that's truly awful, they shouldn't be allowed to play with people's emotions like that. I'm so sad for you :hugs:


----------



## LuvallmyH

What?! I wish I could hug you right now. And punch that attorney.


----------



## TTC74

Oh Tara. I'm so sorry.


----------



## SoBlessedMama

I am so sorry, sad, and sick for you. That is one of the most unfair things I've ever read, and no one deserves that--least of all you. Lots of love and prayers sent your way.


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

I'm just devastated for you and you family. This is so unfair. I'm thinking of you. A baby is waiting for you. Even if it's not right now. It WILL happen. Love you, Tara.


----------



## brittany12

I'm sorry! I know it hurts but don't give up! There's a baby that needs you.. And when that time comes and you have your next bundle of joy in your arms you'll understand why this happened. That baby will be perfect for your family!


----------



## Bevziibubble

Oh Tara, I'm so sorry! Thinking of you :hugs:


----------



## Bubbles1088

What the hell? You "weren't moving fast enough"? They sprung it on you so suddenly, how much faster could you go? Ack...this breaks my heart. I'm so sorry...but there is a baby for you out there! I know it!


----------



## pinkpassion

That makes me sick!!! I'm so sorry.. please don't give up, you've come so far in such a short time, you'll get another chance just as quickly.. and you may not know the reason but there is always a reason. Hold on mama, adoption is a hard journey but so worth it <3


----------



## Wish2BMom

I echo what the girls said, especially Bubbles - how could they tell you and then 5 days later take it away saying YOU weren't working fast enough?? what a mind game!! 
there is a soul out there that will make its way to you, I know it. Keep trying, hon. Stay strong!! :hugs:


----------



## busytulip

:hugs:


----------



## tag74

So I woke up this morning feeling...relieved.


Spoiler
So this is how it all went down. There are sites that agencies use to post situations. This situation was unique in that this girl was looking for a family from a specific religion...in which I was raised and am no longer. This is a very small religion so to find those in this religion #1 is hard, and #2 is hard to find who want to adopt. So I took a chance and sent my profile and indicated I was raised in that religion but no longer practicing but I am a Christian. They forwarded our information to the BM and she indicated she was interested in working with us. That was Tuesday. Now keep in mind - we ALREADY paid our agency their fee which wasn't cheap so we would be out that money and have to pay this Adoption Attorney a whole separate fee. But this situation seemed ideal. She was due in a few weeks, having a boy and her medical history was clean. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say there were red flags with her and her attorney for reasons I'll explain. She claimed she didn't know she was pregnant until 24 weeks and that is when she found out she was having a boy and started taking her prenatal. She had just had an ultrasound two weeks prior. Seeing she is in her early 20s I asked if he was healthy because it seemed odd that would be doing an ultrasound at 34 weeks unless there was an issue. I was 39 years old pregnant with Lucy and they gave me a dating ultrasound and an anatomy scan and that was it. She indicated they had detected an irregular heart beat but it would resolve itself. So I filed that away. On the 10 minute call with us she was talking to us as if we were buying a bike off of her. No emotion, she liked us, she wanted a closed adoption and she wanted us at the hospital because she essentially wanted nothing to do with him. Again, for us all too good to be true. And of course made me sad for him. Then she indicated she was unsure of the father. It was one of two men. One was white and one was 3/4 white and 1/4 black. She doesn't know either of their names and never exchanged identifying information. We had no issue with this but also didn't quite believe the story. But now let me tell you about her...she raised in a very strict Christian faith, she has a 3 year old already and they both are living with her parents who are middle class people. Again something wasn't adding up. Why wouldn't her parents want to help? She had a 3 year old little boy...why would she want to take his half brother from him? I know situations like this happen but it just added to our uneasiness. I kept telling my husband there is more to the story than this. So we asked what hospital she would be at (the attorney is on the phone the whole time). She tells us. This attorney by the way, was not a nice man to us from the beginning. After we had this nice conversation and got off the phone we spoke with him. He gave us the fees which were pretty significant. Significant as in twice as much as we would pay with our agency and would significantly hurt our savings. So I'll be honest that was keeping me up at night. Did I want to be child poor? Where do we draw the line? So we took the contracts and got in touch with a RI attorney who took a day to return our call. In the meantime, we learn in her state, using a facilitator like the attorney working with her is against the law unless he can prepare paperwork to state certain language. Now finding an attorney in her state to work with us was easy HOWEVER the two we spoke to- one was going out of town next week and the other the week of 4th of July. Two weeks that she could potentially go into labor in. So neither would take a retainer but they of course charged us hourly. Finally yesterday, both law firms said they would work together. So we got on a conference call with all three parties. They indicated they were nervous of her state's laws. That we could pay all this money and potentially not have the adoption get approved. What that means is we lose the money and the baby goes to the state to be adopted out to a family in that state. Additionally, because she isn't stating who the father is, they will have to put an advertisement online and in the paper for 3 weeks, with her name and the situation asking for any fathers to come forward if they want to lay claim to this child. The father would have 40 days to contest the adoption. And that's not all. Yup there's more. The attorney representing her would require an additional non refundable $10,000 advertising fee, they want us to pay her June and July expenses and 8 weeks postpartum. We get the latter within reason...but all these expenses are adding up above and beyond the fee the attorney wants us to charge us. And this could all get paid and she could change her mind and keep the baby or god forbid that baby is very sick and has to stay in the hospital and we would lose every penny we paid. So as I'm reading the contract I see that we are signing off we have received all medical documentation from the birth mother etc. I inquire about this. They send paperwork over she provided. One is on the birthfather. It was filled out weird and there was only one birthfather form. I inquired about it. In talking to the BM she had filled the form out incorrectly and it was really one white father and one black father. It didn't matter to us but it was showing that everyone was moving too fast. But it also made me think back to our 10 minute call when she talked about the birthfather situation. I asked her specifically what the races were because it conflicted depending on what ad you read. She also on that call indicated something different. I just kept internally questioning everything. The story kept changing. We didn't care what the baby would be but why was everyone telling us a different story and how would this come back to haunt our situation later. We worried she knew who the father was but was keeping it from him. So anyway, long story longer...each day we checked in and gave an update indicating our intentions and what we were accomplishing. My DH told them we were able to speak to the hospital etc. We weren't keeping anything a secret. I guess that infuriated the BM attorney. What information did they think we would get? She hadn't even gone there yet. And we were glad we called, they needed us to submit an adoption plan to the Hospital attorney ahead of time. So yesterday afternoon, the BM attorney told us they found another family for her, that we were untrustworthy people and how dare we question them. So they wanted us to blindly pay and take all the risk. I went through the stages of grieving for 30 minutes and then just became angry at the attorney representing her (but not really representing her). He didn't even want us to tell her that her name would be in the paper. He just wanted his fees and move on from both of us. I did inappropriately reach out to her on FB, but just to make sure she knew we weren't backing out. I don't know if she read the message but he told her to block me and she did (he left my husband a message and told him to tell me to back off. :haha:) I reached out out of love for that baby. I know he probably told that birthmother all sorts of lies. We were the 4th family. My mom made a good point and said with all the people who want to adopt, why couldn't she hold a birth family? A lot of things weren't making sense. I guess the old adage, if its too good to be true, it probably is, rings true here. I of course am packed, bought little boy stuff, even bought the birthmother a gift...and here I am telling our story. As much as I think we have people looking out for us by bringing this situation to us...I equally believe we are being looked over and we could have avoided a lot of heart ache and financial despair. We found articles about this guy (he's out of California) where he was selling an infant to the highest bidder...he is not a good man. It doesn't matter if you have Esq. after your name. He's a greedy greedy attorney.

So I won't give up...but now we are a bit more experienced and know to be bit more skeptical. Sigh...at least we can't say our lives aren't interesting.

Love to you. Now at least I can go and catch up on you all now. :hugs:


----------



## busytulip

That's really heartbreaking and horrifying for that innocent little boy. I'm sorry you are hurting. <3


----------



## amyamyamy

This whole thing is shady as hell, I'm so glad you (at the very least) learned some valuable things in the process. It sounds as if that attorney will do whatever possible to squeeze every penny out of the adoptive family, and not lose a single minute of sleep over it. Makes me sick. and I'm just thinking, that poor child... what a terrible, terrible thing. Ultimately, though, this definitely is the best thing for your family and you can move forward <3


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Oh wow--what a heartbreaking story on all accounts!! Praying this all worked out for the best, and that you were saved further heartache. I'm so sorry this all went down this way. : (


----------



## Bevziibubble

That is awful for all involved. I'm so sorry it turned out this way :hugs:


----------



## LuvallmyH

When you do get your baby, he/she is going to be the luckiest baby in the world! You are an amazing woman & mom. I'm sorry this situation didn't work out, but I'm glad you didn't get hurt more.


----------



## OhHappyZ

Oh my gosh!! That makes me so mad!! Can you report him to the BAR? What a slimy man. Sorry you had to go through that. Stay strong you will have your baby.


----------



## Bubbles1088

Wow! How shady. That man has no business being an attorney, especially one dealing with adoptions. No, no, no. I feel for that little baby but the whole thing just seems like one shady mess. I'm sorry it didn't work out but at least now you know what to look for and the red flags to watch for. It will definitely work out for you guys!


----------



## brittany12

The nerve of some people these days disgust me!! This poor little baby! Not just this baby but all the other babies that didn't get asked to be here and being sold to highest bidders? Like really? People that participate in that bidding probably aren't good people either!!


----------



## lemon_tree

Super sketchy and so heartbreaking. That lawyer makes me sick. I'm sorry that you had to go through that turmoil and heartbreak, but as other ladies on here have said, you've come out stronger and will take this new knowledge with you. <3


----------



## Cornfieldland

How can he sleep at night, what a soulless horrible man.


----------



## DaisyDreamer

I read your post earlier. I guess it's good and bad in a way. Sorry you went through this obstacle but who knows what could have happened had you kept pushing with this attorney. He sounds like a total tool and I am sad for the BM and the baby boy.

Hope something better comes by


----------



## OhHappyZ

So why do you think there was so much shady stuff going on? Do you think they knew the birth father and he didn't want to adopt out the baby? Or the atty is just shady and uses people for money? It is all just so bizarre.


----------



## helloeveryone

So sorry to hear your news, 
Life has another plan, and you will be pleased that this happened.xxx
Following your journey until you have your baby in your arms xxx


----------



## pinkpassion

I'm just stunned at this.. how horrible!!! I'm glad that you got out of that, as sad as it is for the baby!!! Breaks my heart for that little guy!!!


----------



## tag74

The whole story is unfortunate. I do think the BM was legit. It is the attorney who is shady. He just wants to get paid regardless if its legal in her state or not. The sad part is if she were to give birth in 40 other states, using a facilitator like this jerk wouldn't have been an issue.

In the super slim chance the next family or situation doesn't work out, at least she knows who we are. I doubt she'll come looking for us but stranger things have happened.

All in all, we feel confidant in the steps we took just before the attorney cut ties with us. We would have been in a precarious position as we would have had to disclose to her state we used him and there was a high probability the adoption wouldn't have gone through and we would have lost everything. Including the opportunity to try to adopt again because all of our funds would be gone. Sadly, she didn't change her mind...he did, all over not getting paid fast enough.

I do believe in the law of attraction and I also believe the LOA presents situations that doesn't work out because you have to learn a thing or two. It was a super inexpensive crash course in adoption and while heartbreaking, at least it was only 4 days of craziness and not 4 months. 

We spent a beautiful day at the beach yesterday. And while the situation was on both mine and DH's mind, I turned to him and said, this situation could have been a whole lot worse for us. We are truly blessed.

Thank you all for your continued support.

Hope you're all enjoying your father's day! We are off to dinner!


----------



## amyamyamy

Love your outlook, you truly are beautiful inside and out <3


----------



## SoBlessedMama

amyamyamy said:


> Love your outlook, you truly are beautiful inside and out <3

^^WSS. Big hugs, Tag!


----------



## lemon_tree

Amy definitely has a way with words. :friends: I completely agree.

We got blessed with beautiful weather this weekend, huh? I'm so glad you got to the beach and hope you and your DH had a fantastic Father's Day weekend. <3


----------



## TTC74

I love your positive outlook. It's spot on. I took adoption law in law school and learned secondhand of the terrible experiences some people have. I'm sorry that you had to experience some of that firsthand. Your positive outlook in the face of adversity is an amazing asset to your family, though. Plus, it will make you an amazing mom to the next addition to your family.


----------



## Bubbles1088

You really do have such a great outlook on life, no matter what gets thrown at you. Such a strong woman. <3


----------



## busytulip

Love your heart :hugs:


----------



## Bevziibubble

You are so strong, Tara :hugs:


----------



## tag74

Thanks guys!

It's hard not thinking about all the ways this situation went wrong. Woke up realizing how we had no support including the attorneys we hired. I guess this will be a process we have to get use to. It's crazy.

Hope you all had a great weekend!


----------



## Cowgirl07

Your so strong! That attorney sounds super shady and I can't believe they even contacted you when there was a good chance it wouldn't work/


----------



## tag74

Sadly, I reached out to them first when I saw the situation on their page. The birth mom picked us immediately and then her attorney wanted payment that day. We needed to find an attorney in her state which took two days and they called it off. They wanted payment immediately. It may have worked out...we will never know...but with that amount of money on the line, we weren't paying anyone without an attorney looking everything over on our behalf.


----------



## Cowgirl07

Still I don't like the attorney he should have given you two days. :( I'm so sorry it didn't work.


----------



## Wish2BMom

what an incredible experience - I'm SO glad you didn't get taken for a ride and that it was, like you said, a short and inexpensive lesson. I'm amazed at the lack of advocacy in these lawyers. Sounded like he just wanted to take the money and run for the border. It's crazy their ability to victimize people!!


----------



## tankel

Ugh, sorry to read this all. :nope:


----------



## Whimsical88

im sorryt things have not worked out for you. but through it all you have come out stronger and wiser and you know what to expect down the road. also there is a baby out the in the oven just being made esp for you and your family, you just have to be patient and sadly go through moments of ups and downs to get to that perfect family.

i feel sorry for that poor BM and the things she has to go through. i feel so angered that you have people out there that abuse being an attorney and everything is just a paycheck. how sad is your life going to one day turn out if thats all that you care about in life.

sending you and your family love and im sure you heartbroken but know that this bundle was not your bundle. stay strong


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Hi ladies. Tara needs our prayers!! A huge turn of events has happened and they got the call that birth mom has gone into labor early and they've been asked to come be at the hospital to pick up their son!!!! It could still fall through and I don't have too many details but please think about them today and send prayers and positive thoughts their way!! I'll update as I hear more. <3


----------



## KylasBaby

Prayers going up! Hope they're not messing them around again. They've been through so much. Praying hard!


----------



## Bevziibubble

Praying for you Tara and hoping it all works out!


----------



## wifeybby

OMG! Praying!! Please let this be for real!


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Oh my goodness!!!!!! Praying the way is smooth, easy, and results in bringing home baby!!!!!!


----------



## tankel

Hopeful. :coffee:


----------



## brittany12

Wow! Praying it works out!


----------



## Bubbles1088

Thinking of you Tara! I hope it works out!!!!


----------



## Wish2BMom

WOW, WHAT?? this is playing with MY emotions, I cannot even fathom what's going on with your family, Tara!!! GOOD LUCK!!
Thanks for keeping us posted, lovin!


----------



## LuvallmyH

Patiently waiting for good news!


----------



## OhHappyZ

Wait! What?! Omg fxfxfxfxfxfxfxfxfxfxfxfxfxffxfx


----------



## amyamyamy

Not patient not me!!! Can't wait to hear your news!!! :wohoo:


----------



## Cornfieldland

Hoping with all my heart for you!


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Praying and hoping so hard!! Can't wait to hear good news!!


----------



## busytulip

Praying


----------



## aidensxmomma

I've been quietly following but felt I should finally comment. Will be keeping everyone in my thoughts and hope everything goes great! FX! :flower:


----------



## Whimsical88

prayers and hugs to you and your family......


----------



## lemon_tree

:shock: :hugs: :happydance:

Got all my fingers and toes crossed for you, girl!!

What a whirlwind!


----------



## tag74

I hated keeping you all waiting. We arrived super late after a really long drive to the hospital. They gave us a room but the birth mom wants to wait to let us see the baby until she signs the paperwork today.

Adoption is not for the faint of heart. We are feeling a range of emotions like I've never felt before. Trying very hard not to get too anxious.

The nurses told us she is calling him Max although she knows we will name him. :shrug: Is that not the most bizarre coincidence you have every heard?

I promise to keep you or Lovn updated to keep you updated. Thank you all for your wonderful notes. Talk to you soon. <3


----------



## Cornfieldland

That's crazy about her calling him Max! Sending you calm thoughts! Hope it all goes as planned xxx


----------



## lemon_tree

The Max coincidence is pretty amazing. :cloud9:

I'm praying and wishing so hard for you, girl. If you need ANYTHING, let me know. <3


----------



## Cowgirl07

What a crazy coincidence! Good luck


----------



## Bevziibubble

Oh wow!


Got everything crossed for you!


----------



## Wish2BMom

well that gave me chills!! GOOD LUCK today!!!


----------



## OhHappyZ

Holy craaapppp!!!! So anxious for more news!!


----------



## busytulip

Wow <3 No words...loads and loads of hope here :hugs:


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

I just still can't imagine the whirlwind of emotions you must be experiencing right now! Sending all my love and hope and prayers to you guys! <3


----------



## LuvallmyH

Sending my love and support :flower:


----------



## amyamyamy

Whoa that also gave me the chills too.... thinking of you and your family <3


----------



## wifeybby

I can only imagine the big ball of emotions going on there! Wow!

I can not believe she's called him Max -- talk about meant to be. <3 Maybe would be a lovely middle name?!

Can't wait for the next update! How exciting! FX and praying it all works out smoothly for you guys!! Congrats so far!


----------



## tankel

<3 <3


----------



## DaisyDreamer

<3 <3 :dance:


----------



## tag74

Still waiting but getting closer- this is torture. I will definitely have an update tonight!


----------



## Lovn.sunshine

Goodness. What a process. Looking forward to your [hopefully very positive] update!!! <3 <3 <3


----------



## Bubbles1088

Ahhhh I am excited for your family! Also the Max thing...a little eerie but really neat! <3 Sending you all my happy thoughts!


----------



## Eleanor ace

New stalker here, sending so many positive thoughts and prayers your way! I so hope that this little fella is yours to keep:hugs:


----------



## tag74

:happydance:

I promise more details soon!! But we just got cleared to leave the hospital and have 7 long days to wait to clear the state!!


But he's here!!! I'm in the hotel with my sweet baby boy!!!! <3

More updates at his midnight feeding! :rofl:

Because things aren't final I'll have full story a week from tomorrow.

Love you guys!!! Thank you for the notes!


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## Cowgirl07

Yay! Hope the rest of it is smooth sailing and you get to take him home without a hitch.


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## Cornfieldland

What a crazy roller coaster!! I can't believe u have him in ur arms <3 :)


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## Bubbles1088

Oh Tara that is wonderful!!!! I'm over the moon for you! <3 :happydance:


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## Lovn.sunshine

I'm still just a mess of excitement for you and your family. 7 days will seem like forever but it's gonna fly by. Continued prayers that everything from here on out is smooth sailing. <3


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## SoBlessedMama

Oh my word!!!!! In tears for you!! If her calling him Max isn't a sign from God that this little guy is to be yours, then I don't know what is!!! Praying the next week flies as you bond, and the road is paved for your new permanent addition. : )


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## brittany12

Oh my!!! Like what!?!? Completely crazy! So happy!


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## TTC74

You and your family are in my prayers, love! I can't wait to see pics of your new family! :hugs:

Edit - I've been filling DH in on your story, too. It's been such a moving story, after all! DH is SO thrilled for you!


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## amyamyamy

I'm literally sobbing over here!!! You must be the happiest woman in the world right now <3


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## Bevziibubble

Omg I'm so happy for you, Tara!! :happydance:


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## LuvallmyH

I'm so thrilled for you! Looking forward to more updates.


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## pinkpassion

Omg.. how exciting. While in my user cp I went to push last page and pressed unsubscribe and couldn't figure out which thread I unsubscribed to. I just realized this morning I haven't seen your thread in a few days!!!! I can't believe the news how amazing I can't wait for all kinds of updates and pics!!!!!! <3


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## lemon_tree

:wohoo:


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## busytulip

:yipee: <3


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## Wish2BMom

A-MAZ-ING!!! I don't like that you can have him in your arms for a week and have the potential to lose him but I'm going to be happy for you right now!!! I can't believe all of this happened!!!


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## OhHappyZ

In you arms??! For reals??! Omg!! I can't wait to see pics and hear updates! I bet you are over the moon! How does it feel to hear those little baby noises again?


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## Lovn.sunshine

How was your first night with your sweet baby boy? One day down. 6 to go! :hugs:


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## tankel

Your whole story gave me chills. Its sounds like a movie. FX crossed that everything works out.


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## PinkPokaDots

Oh my goodness! Congratulations!!!!


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## tag74

What a wild ride this is!!!!

He is the best baby - he is so sweet. We saw the pediatrician this morning and they said he's perfect and he really is.

His legal name is Max because of the BM - it's just so weird. It's hard not to get emotional over that. We will announce everything in about a week here and everywhere. And I'll post a photo then too.

I just can't wait to tell y'all everything. I'll also create a parenting journal I think it's a bit more private too. 

Miss and love you guys!

1 day down, 6 to go!


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## busytulip

Journals are definitely more private.
I'm so very happy for you!!!
Praying that these next 6 days just fly right on by without any issues whatsoever. :hugs:


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## Bevziibubble

Praying the 6 days fly by! 


So happy for you :cloud9:


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## brittany12

Yay!! So exciting! Hope these days fly by and then once its final time can slow down so you can enjoy these precious moments!


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## amyamyamy

<3 can't wait to meet him and hear all the details.


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## Cornfieldland

So amazing! Tears of happiness <3 :)


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## Lovn.sunshine

That is just so.....I don't even know what word I'm searching for... that she named him Max (and on a side note, it's odd that she named him, legally, at all). But I'm so glad he's a healthy little boy and you're enjoying your time with him. Hoping these days fly by and I am so looking forward to your update with all the details! <3


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## wifeybby

Omg!! Yay!!

:yipee: so happy for you! Congrats!


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## Bubbles1088

So exciting for you. I'm glad you guys are well and that he is such a perfect little babe. <3 <3 I do hope these next 6 days fly by for you!


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## tag74

Ok my friends, I'm slowly getting this done! Here is my parenting journal! Need a bit more privacy.

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...as-been-5-days-go-clearance.html#post37468892


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## Bevziibubble

Will follow you over :)


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## BookGeek

Ohmygosh!!!! I just got caught up! Hopping over to your parenting journal, now! <3<3


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## mommylov

Im here!!!! And sooooooo happy for you!!!! Love! <3


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## Mrs. Eddie

Just found your new journal. I've been awful about getting on here since Ethan's been born but will try to check in once and awhile. Love seeing all your updates on FB :hugs:


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## tag74

:hi: Well it's been awhile. Where have I been? LOL I'm not even sure.

Well needless to say, this past year was the worst and best year of my life. After losing Max and then having Evan enter our lives - well was overwhelmingly sad, wonderful and ... well a lot. I thought I was handling life well. I got a new job in November but not without some health scares in August and September. What I thought were heart attacks and trips to the ER...was actually grief that I hadn't processed yet. They were panic attacks which I never experienced before and from August to December I was dealing with fear and anxiety but feeling happy. So my brain was really giving itself mixed messages. I was ultimately diagnosed with PTSD.

So in an effort to rule out heart attacks and death :haha: - I started doing Yoga 5 days a week, therapy twice a week, medicine, meditation, iron, potassium...everything you could think of and well...my heart attacks started going away around early January. Who knew! :) 

So right now all my doctors are trying to get me through April 14, Max's one year anniversary. The last two months I feel incredibly strong and healthy. I still cry. I still think of him. But I do feel incredibly whole with what I have. My husband put an angel baby statue under a tree in our backyard that is illuminated by lights at night. It oddly helped. I think my biggest fear is that Max would be forgotten. I know now that he won't.

Sooooooo how is everyone else? DH is amazing and really has been a great support - a lot through his humor, which well, we all need. And I love him for it.

S turned 17! :dohh: Where has the time gone? She goes to prom next month and is looking at colleges. She really wants to be a hairdresser. But we just want her to go to a 4 year college first. She's completely on board and I'm really proud of her. She's doing really well...And is so good to me.

L is turning 4 in June! And she is my little sassy pants. She cracks me up and has a huge personality. She LOVES her brother, I found her in his crib this morning playing with him. She will definitely keep us on our toes.

E, well E, is the healing force in my life. He is the most amazing human being in this world. A lot of my guilt comes from loving him as much as I do but I realize my heart has love for all my children, including Max. I can't explain it but I feel like he was made for our family. There is this energy around him that defies what you might think of adoption. He is ours but delivered differently to us than the girls. I am whole heartedly head over heels for this little boy as he is for me. His first words were mom, he smiles every time I walk in the room and crawls to me when he first sees me. He slobbers me with kisses and it amazes me how quickly we both bonded with each other. I wondered if babies know we aren't biologically each others...but there is no doubt it doesn't matter. I am his and he is mine. He has completed our world. 

The adoption. It's not final yet. :wacko: It's been 9 months and I don't think everything will be final for a couple more months. In all honesty, our attorney kind of dropped the ball but we are back on track. I'll keep you all updated. I think a lot of my anxiety will subside when we walk out of court with his final birth certificate in hand.

I also want you to know...I have thought of all of you through this. Knowing when I returned, there would be wonderful updates to catch up on...and I appreciate all your unconditional love. xoxo


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## Bevziibubble

What a roller coaster it's been for you! I'm so sorry that you've got PTSD. I am thinking of you often :hugs:

That's so lovely that you've got a tree to remember Max :cloud9:

Wow, I can't believe S is 17. It's great that she's going to go to college :) 

L sounds so cute and such a great big sister to E :cloud9:

E sounds like he is doing wonderfully! I hope that the adoption is finalized soon :)


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## TTC74

I hope you get your anxiety under control. I have panic attacks and general anxiety, too. It's a beast! 

AFM - I'm well. Just caring for little Bella who is already a month old! DH and I have decided not to go on any kind of birth control. Since God blessed us with this little one, we aren't ready to question his/her/its will!


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## amyamyamy

Welcome back! We have missed you <3


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## tankel

Glad you are feeling healthy and happy. can't belie how fast the time is flying.


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## BookGeek

Welcome back! I knew this past year has been amazingly busy for you, but it sounds like you're been going through so much more than I ever imagined. You are so strong, my sweet friend. And you are an amazing Mom. Your girls are growing into a wonderful lady and a sweet little girl. It warms my heart that Evan is so much your son and a meant-to-be member of your family. We are all here for you for anything to need to talk about. :hugs:


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## xxmyheartxx

Yay your back &#128512;
Hopefully it won't be long until Es adoption is finalised.
Can't believe that s is 17!! Prom, college it's going to quick!!!!
Sounds like l is an amazing big sister &#128151;
Sending many hugs to you xx


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## Lovn.sunshine

I'm so glad to have you back. :hugs:

I'm so sorry that you've gone through so much over the last year. I had no idea it had gotten so bad :hugs: I'm so glad that through yoga, therapy and medication, that your panic attacks are lessening. I hope you continue to improve. 

The statue sounds perfect. I'm so glad that you have something to remind you and honor Max's memory.

I can't believe L is 17!! And that L will be 4!! :shock: where has the time gone?! That's so awesome that L knows what she wants to do and is up for going to college first!! That's awesome!! 

I just adore your love story. I'm so glad you found J. That he found you. You two are soooooooo great together. I'm so glad you have his support and love <3 

E really is the sweetest little face I've ever seen. I can't help but smile with my whole heart every time I see his pictures!! I'm so glad that L loves him so much!! Such a sweet bond!! 

I hope that the adoption finalizes soon!! <3

Sending my love!!


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## lemon_tree

It fills my heart up to see you back on here. <3

Your family is incredible. I'm so sad about your panic attacks, but glad you've got such a strong and loving network to buoy you up. 

Hoping for a smooth and perfect conclusion to the adoption process, sweet friend. 

Xo


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## tag74

:hi: 

Can you remind me if this journal goes into search engines? Should I start a journal in a different group that has more privacy settings? I think Lovn.sunshine is the pro on this one.

I just can't continue the one where the news of Max was shared. :cry:

But anyway, Happy Sunday! 
I have started to plan the big 1 year old birthday party. I think we are going to do a joint 4 year old and 1 year old/adoption party. I have hired the paw patrols to come! :happydance: Boy life has changed. LOL

where are going to Florida for a week long vacation next month too and I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!

I'm heading to your journals now. xoxo


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## Bevziibubble

I think the parenting journals section is more secure than this one as you need to be a member to view the posts so they won't come up on a search engine :thumbup:

So exciting that you're planning for E's first birthday :cloud9:

That's great you're going to Florida on vacation. I hope that you have a great time! :D


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## tag74

Thank you! I have to look into this. :)


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## Cowgirl07

It was shared? Like on Fb? 
According to the parenting journal pinned post bnb is a public forum so they can find you if you want. Maybe a wordpress or something with password?


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## tag74

Hey Cowgirl! No more of wanting a journal within BnB that requires a membership. Anyone can read this journal whether they are a member or not. :) I think many of you are on my FB which is great!


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## Cowgirl07

Oh maybe ask the admin or something?


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## lemon_tree

I think the journals have more privacy settings. <3

Your party sounds like it will be epic! And are you going to Disney or elsewhere in Florida?

Hugs, friend! :hugs:


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## busytulip

Lovely to see you back, you've been missed.


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## tankel

Where in FL are you going?


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## Lovn.sunshine

Yes, the parenting journals are "private" in that you have to have an account to see them. Doesn't mean anyone can't just create an account but they will not show up in a google search.

Aww how exciting about the birthday/adoption party! 

Hey, Luv (Amy) will be in Florida next month too!! Too funny!! I'm so jealous but you both deserve a lovely vacation so much!! <3


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## amyamyamy

tank and tag meet-up!!!!


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## tag74

Okay got this all figured out. Of course, I can't remember my password so am a slave to the one computer that has it stored. That's project #2 today. :haha: I'll respond to everyone in the NEXT journal with an EXCITING update!

Here's the new link and I updated my signature!


Spoiler
https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...toddlers-boy-stole-my-heart.html#post38265203


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## Bevziibubble

Yay! :D


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