# Feeling blue...



## Hellylou

Hi ladies...

It's my turn to vent a little. I hope you don't mind. I'm just feeling a bit down and starting to lose the hope that has been keeping me afloat this far.

I have a kidney condition which is ok at the moment but can have implications later on. It went into remission last year, and was controlled by meds until I got pregnant, but I had to stop the drugs because they are harmful in pregnancy (by the way the kidney thing was nothing to do with the loss). I haven't been back on the medication yet because my bp has been low and I am still weak. We are on a 'wait and see' with the kidneys to see how they are doing. During the pregnancy my protein leak was gradually going up (not good) and we knew this but the idea was it was only for 9 months and once baby arrived I could get back on meds, hoping there was no permanent damage, or pre eclampsia. So basically I was high risk BEFORE it all went wrong...

I saw my kidney consultant today and they took all the tests etc, results to come in a few weeks, but we discussed the possibility of trying again. He said no way until he sees me again in 3 months and we will talk about it then, but I have to get my kidneys back to normal before I even try, and there is a chance things could be getting progressively worse now.:cry:

I am so terrified that this was my one and only chance and it's gone. If my kidneys are damaged now, it feels like not only am I never going to be pregnant again, but that all this damage has been done for nothing. And knowing I can't even think about trying again for a while is killing me, because I think it was this hope that was keeping me sane. I wanted to maybe try before christmas, but now I know I was just kidding myself.

I feel really low right now. I should be halfway through my pregnancy, and now I am nowhere, and worse healthwise than before I got pregnant. :cry::cry::cry:


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## winterwonder

Oh hunny lots and lots of :hug: coming your way. I'm so sorry that your having problems, sometimes life really isn't fair.


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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry: Helen,
I am so sorry , I can only imagine how hard this may be. I know after I lost Ava on 3/3/2011 I was supposed to go back to the doctor for my thyroid, cause I knew the dose I was on was way to high, it was high cause that is the dose I needed at the time for the baby, now Ava was gone so the meds needed to be adjusted. I was so upset and crying that i never even went back until April 16th :cry: my thyroid was way out of being normal and it took me until September to get it back to normal. Even if I wanted to try before that I could not of, cause when your thyroid is out of wack you could have a miscarriage . I know that is not as serious as your kidneys, but I kind of understand and I just pray you get some good news and then you can try again, try to be positive. Things will be ok for you XOXOOXOXOXOXOX Thinking Of You :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this on top of everything else. It's so not fair.

I'm not sure there is much else I can say, other than, we are always here for you, whenever you need to vent, or are in need of hugs. 

I really hope you get some better news soon xxxx


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## babesx3

big hugs xxx :hug:


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## yazoo

I am so sorry you have to go through this hun. Life is so unfair. :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so sorry you are going throught his on top of your loss. Is there no way your consultant can see you earlier - why the 3 month wait? If there is a medical reason, fair enough but if it's just his schedule surely he could move it forward for you? You may get better results than expected and be able to start TTC sooner?

xxx


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry hun xxxx

Massive hugs coming your way :hugs:


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## collie_crazy

Oh I am so sorry :cry: As though its not enough to lose your gorgeous little baby you have to go through all this as well - its just not fair! 

I hope you get the all clear from your doctor when he see's you. Is there a reason why it needs to be 3 months? Its seems like a hellish long wait :(


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## Hellylou

Thanks everyone...:hugs:

I think the 3 months wait is because it takes time for changes in the kidneys to happen. If the protein goes up, or down, it happens over time, so the latest set of results will at least give us an idea of which way it's heading (please be down...!:cry:). If it looks bad, I may need to go back on the meds before the 3 month mark, otherwise, we wait for the next lot of results and take it from there.

The other reason not to go back on the meds is because they are harmful during pregnancy and would need to be stopped some time before TTC. I stopped them the moment I conceived (it was a little unplanned :blush:) last time, but ideally I should have been off them way before. My consultant says this time we need to really prepare for a future pregnancy instead of what happened last time, which was basically a firefighting exercise after the event.

Everything he said made sense and he's right, but it just burst the little bubble I was living in, thinking I could just get right back to trying after a cycle or two...:cry:


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## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Thanks everyone...:hugs:
> 
> I think the 3 months wait is because it takes time for changes in the kidneys to happen. If the protein goes up, or down, it happens over time, so the latest set of results will at least give us an idea of which way it's heading (please be down...!:cry:). If it looks bad, I may need to go back on the meds before the 3 month mark, otherwise, we wait for the next lot of results and take it from there.
> 
> The other reason not to go back on the meds is because they are harmful during pregnancy and would need to be stopped some time before TTC. I stopped them the moment I conceived (it was a little unplanned :blush:) last time, but ideally I should have been off them way before. My consultant says this time we need to really prepare for a future pregnancy instead of what happened last time, which was basically a firefighting exercise after the event.
> 
> Everything he said made sense and he's right, but it just burst the little bubble I was living in, thinking I could just get right back to trying after a cycle or two...:cry:

Everything will work out, Helen :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts..XOOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hi Sweetie :flower:

I hated to read this post! I hate this for you ... I pray all those tests will come back with no damage to your kidneys! Positive thinking:flower: 

:hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

I hope you get good news, I'm sorry you have to wait but I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end, hang on in there and try to do something to take your mind off the wait and use the time constructively, it's all I can suggest. xxx


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## KamIAm

Hi HellyLou!!:hugs:

Just thinking about ya today :flower:


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## MummyStobe

It's so unfair that you have to go through this after everything you've already been through.
The thought of ttc again is what keeps me going so I can't imagine how you feel having to wait.
I pray that everything works out for you.
Sending big hugs xx


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## Hellylou

KamIAm said:


> Hi HellyLou!!:hugs:
> 
> Just thinking about ya today :flower:

Thanks lovely! :hugs:

Having a wierd few days...emotions up and down like a yoyo. Being back at work is good, though. Keeps me occupied.

Hope you're well today :hugs:


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## Hellylou

Just thought I'd update this thread with some good news!

I had my kidney results back and my protein levels have gone back down again and kidney function is excellent! This is the best news ever, because it means no damage was done to the kidneys through all this, AND this has happened without the help of any kidney meds!!! :happydance::happydance:

I am still under advice to wait til New Year to TTC but that is fine with me. I think after giving it some thought I really need to give my body a break and work on building myself back to full health to be able to give myself the best possible chance of success. I am now on prenatal vitamins and fish oil supplements and planning to try in New Year. 

:thumbup:


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## Andypanda6570

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

I am SOooooo happy to hear this news!!! 

Thanks so much for updating!! Before you know it the New Year will be here and you will be with us all in the TTC thread... Can't wait, I am so excited for you..
All my Love XOOXXOO :hugs::hugs::hugs: :happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## mhazzab

Oh wow that's brilliant news! I was just thinking about you yesterday, and was going to ask you if you'd had any news back. But then I forgot :dohh:

So happy for you, it's nice to hear some good news xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Yay! I'm so happy to read that, I was really hoping it would come right for you, excellent stuff!! xxx


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## BMR3

Awesome news!! It'll be the new year before you know it!


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## Hellylou

Thanks ladies! :hugs:

I have been doing lots of reading about kidney disease and pregnancy, as well as TTC after m/c and I read that at least a 4 month break is advisable to give the body time to recover. I don't think this is necessary for everyone, but for me, as I was so very ill afterwards, it can only be a wise move. I was so fixated on being pregnant again, I wasn't really seeing the bigger picture, and now I know my kidneys are ok, it's going to be a case of planning and preparing like my life depends on it! 

Can't wait til New Year, and am very much throwing my energy into everyone else's TTC journeys!


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## babylou

I am pleased that you are feeling more positive now. :thumbup:

Good luck!!

Roll on that New Year eh!? :hugs::kiss:


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## KamIAm

HellyLou! I just read through and seen your amazing news... Sorry I'm a bit behind :blush:

I can't wait til' the New Year... Onward to the baby makin'!!:happydance:

I can't tell you how relieved I am to hear your news about your kidneys! (I have worked in a out patient center for kidney patients for about 5 years, I've seen it's ugliness...) ... I am BEYOND excited for you Hon'! :hugs:


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