# Kash Robert Patrick has arrived <3



## msarkozi

I am proud to announce that my little man, Kash Robert Patrick, has arrived. 

February 24th, 2011
12:56 am
7 lbs
18.5" long

For those that don't know, I was due on February 28th and induced on February 22nd. I was given cervidil on the 22nd at 12:18 pm, and had another round of cervidil inserted late that evening. I was already 2 cm dilated before the induction, and by the time I went back to the hospital on the 23rd, we had found that the cervidil fell out and I was at 5 cm. 

The doctor broke my water around 5:30 pm, and 3 hours later, the contractions came hard and fast. I had fentynal, but it didn't help at all so we started getting the epidural ready. By the time the epidural was inserted, my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart, and lasting 1-2 minutes in length. I was in agony! Unfortunately, the epidural did not work! I was in so much pain, as the pressure was unbearable, that all I could do was cry. Seeing my OH cry too because of me made me feel awful and I kept apologizing to him. 

Unfortunately, as ready as I was to push the baby out, I was still only 5 cm dilated!! They were going to put me on the drip for 4 hours, but luckily when the doctor came to check on me, he seen the agony I was in and said I needed to have an emergency c section. This was around 11:30 pm already. Contractions were already 2 minutes apart by then. 

I received a spinal tap once I was in the OR, and then life was good again! Best drug ever!!! At 12:56 am, Kash made his entrance. It was the happiest moment ever, especially when I heard his little voice. 

I was then in the OR for a couple hours while being sewn up, and they finished cleaning it for the evening. OH and the baby were in my room during that time waiting for my arrival. It was pure joy the moment I got to hold him in my arms. 

The baby was laying transverse oblique, which means I would have never been able to give birth to him. They said it should have been a scheduled c section to begin with, and the next one has to be for sure (that is ok with me, as I am sure I won't ever forget that pain). 

We were released from the hospital late afternoon on the 25th, and we were very happy to come home. We have been fighting jaundice since, but the numbers are improving the way they should be, and we are almost rid of it. 

By the 7th, Kash had already gained 1 lb 4 oz!!! The doctor keeps telling me I have very rich breast milk! I am glad to know that he is healthy and getting the nutrients he needs. Unfortunately, I have to pump all the time, as once the jaundice set in, he was unable to latch anymore (also due to me having flat nipples). We are doing great though, and I am loving every minute of it!
 



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## Nixilix

Lovely babe! And he is gorgeous xx


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## msarkozi

Thanks Rach! I still can't believe how cute he is....and he is such a good baby! The only time he cries is when he is hungry, or needs a diaper change, or the odd time he has a bit of gas that he couldn't get rid of. He's a very content baby, and I am very lucky and thankful for that. 

I have had him sleeping in his crib since day one, and there has been no issues with it at all. He sleeps so well at night. I feel awful having to wake him all the time to feed him, but I am hoping these feedings will be on his schedule soon, instead of my schedule (to get rid of the jaundice).


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## Allie84

Hi Mel! Awwwwww I love the new avatar and pic. He is absolutely gorgeous! So adorable. Glad things are going well. :) :hugs:


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## Sushai

He's so cute congrats!!!


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## svetayasofiya

Aw Mel your new home!!! :hugs: Congrats again he is absolutely gorgeous!!!!!


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## msarkozi

Thanks! He is definitely my pride and joy, and I couldn't imagine life without him. He's only been here for 2 weeks, and it's hard to imagine what it was like before he was even here. It changes your life in such a good way. I love him to pieces :)


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## reedsgirl1138

Hey there hun!! I love the new avator pic!! So precious. Glad he is sleeping well for you.


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## mrskcbrown

I love the avatar pic. He is gorgeous. Glad he is sleeping well too.


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## msarkozi

I am glad he is sleeping well too :haha: 

How is Malcom?


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## Gemble

Just lurked over from sassys journal to have a nose! he's gorgeous, well done :D

Xxx


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## msarkozi

thank you :) he is going to be a little heartbreaker I think......he's already got my heart (even though he just peed through his clothes and onto mine lol!)


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## reedsgirl1138

Wow 14 days old already!!


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## msarkozi

I know, soon it will be a month :(


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## pregoinnorge

he's adorable Mel! Congratulations!


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## reedsgirl1138

happy friday hun.


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## msarkozi

every day is friday for me, lol! :)


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## Allie84

I saw Kash wasn't feeling well? I hope he feels better soon. :hugs:


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## tink28

congrats, he is so beautiful!


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## msarkozi

yeah, he has a lot of mucus going on, and it's keeping him from sleeping at times. I have to keep giving him saline throughout the day and once during the night. I didn't realize that they can't breathe out of their mouths, so when his nose is full, it's hard for him to breathe....poor guy!


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## reedsgirl1138

I hope Kash is feeling better soon. Seen where your phone mystery dialed your parents...LOL Did you every firgure it out??


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## bbyno1

Congratulations!
That is a beautiful picture x


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## MADLYSBOYS

Congrats hon....what a cute little guy :)


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## marnie79

congrats hun xx


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## reedsgirl1138

Hey hun. Just thinking of you and Kash...hope he is feeling better. XX


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## doctordeesmrs

Congrats he's beautiful


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## msarkozi

had a really rough day today :cry: we were at the clinic again today, just for another check up from friday's visit. 

well first the paramedics were with us, and then the nurse came in and did her stuff she wanted to do. then she left the room and we were alone for almost 10 minutes or so, and i started to worry because of that. then another nurse came in the room saying she was supposed to listen to his breathing, and so i told her they were freaking me out. then she left. shortly after that, one of the paramedics came back in the room and said they had to check his oxygen. luckily that was great. shortly after that, both nurses came in the room and they spent quite some time listening to his breathing and watching his chest. i finally broke down crying because i was scared. they told me they phoned the dr in high level because they felt something was off with kash and they don't know what. so they had sent me to the hospital. it was just after 5:00 pm when we left. i had to come home and pack stuff, including for overnight, just in case. 

so at the hospital, the nurse there said it was normal for babies to breathe the way kash does (it's erratic and he will stop for 3-5 seconds at times). so then i felt relieved as i was scared shitless. when we seen the on call dr in emergency, i told him that my concern has been the mucus and i didn't know about the breathing until this afternoon (which he said is fine as well). so he asked if we have pets and i said cats, and he said we have to get rid of them. he asked if we smoked, and i told him gord does, and he said gord has to quit, and if he doesn't, he can't be around kash for 2 hours after he smokes and then has to strip his clothing and wash before coming near him. 

the mucus is a possible allergy to smoke and the cats :( he gave me antibiotics as well just in case it is a sinus infection. 

so gord and i have been fighting because he doesn't understand that it hurts me to give away the cats, and he said i was putting them before my own son. i kept telling him that all i want is some sympathy and don't expect me to just give them away and not cry and be upset about it. we finally said goodnight nicely to each other and he apologized to me about having to give them away..........

i have to call the pet store in high level in the morning to see if they will take them to give them away, and if not, i will have to put them down.......unless someone steps in and says they will take him before i go to high level......i am a wreck over it. i had gord lock the cats in the basement as soon as i got home, as i can't even look at them right now because it hurts too much. :cry:

i am sleeping in kash's room tonight, as i am scared about him reacting to the antibiotic as well. he seems to be doing good so far, so i don't think there will be a reaction there...it still scares me though, and i want to be close just in case. it's his feeding time in a few minutes, and i haven't been to bed yet, so i figured i would come on the computer and vent a little...............


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## msarkozi

reeds - nope never figured out the mystery dial. it was so friggin weird!! i was feeding him and was playing on my cell, but then he was almost done, so i put it on the coffee table. i was burping him, and all of a sudden i heard dialing. so i picked up my phone and i seen it dialed mom and dad, so i quickly hung up. apparently mom had already answered though as she said i hung up on her. it was really freaky!! the phone was on the table for almost 5 minutes before it dialed.


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## svetayasofiya

:hugs: I am so sorry you have to get rid of your cats. That can't be easy honey. Hang in there. Al you can do is what is best for Kash. I really hope you find a home for them. xox

Off to work, hope you have a better day!


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## Megg33k

Oh, honey! I'm so, so sorry its been so rough lately! And I haven't been here for you. What a rubbish friend I've been! :hugs: I'd be upset about the cats too... You're being a lot stronger about it than I would, I think.

I plan to post Kash's hat today... better late than never, I suppose... I have cats though. :( Its been in a zip-loc baggy since the time it arrived except for about 30 seconds when I took it out to look at it. It'll be okay though, right? I don't want to make him sick!


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## msarkozi

we actually don't know for sure it's the cats; it could just be a sinus infection. Gord won't wait to see if the antibiotics work though to clear it up. He has always wanted me to get rid of my cats, so I am sure he is very happy about this. 

I can see I am going to have another one of those days today.....I was just pumping and noticed I had an allergic reaction to something now, as my hand/arm is covered in a rash! lovely!!! 

I am hoping there are a lot of naps today.........


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## Megg33k

FX'd for LOT of naps!

I would be waiting to see if it was my cats, but I guess it makes sense if he's wanted them gone for a while. That's crap though! :(


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## jenniferannex

Congratulations hun and well done, hes gorgeous :flower: xxxx


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## msarkozi

part of me thinks it might be the cats, but at the same time part of me doesn't believe it is. I've had tons of sinus infections my whole life, and I know the difference between those and allergies, and I truly believe it is a sinus infection. 

I am taking them to the humane society tomorrow in High Level. I didn't even realize there was one there. I just hope that they go together and are not separated, and that whoever adopts them will take good care of them. They are declawed, so that scares me that a new owner is going to let them outside when they can't be..........tomorrow is going to be a really rough day!


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## sarah0108

congrats! xx


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## xxyjadexx

Aww he's gorgeous x


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## reedsgirl1138

:hugs:


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## Allie84

Oh, I'm so sorry about Kash and the cats! :hugs: I would be heartbroken over that, I really would. :(

I hope the anitbiotics do their thing for Kash.

Miss you! :hugs:


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## reedsgirl1138

Hey hun.. hope your well. Give Kash a snuggle for me. XX


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## svetayasofiya

:hugs: hope your kitties find a good home. xo


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## jellytot3

Congratulations, hes a little cutey xx


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## msarkozi

well we decided not to get rid of the cats just yet. We have them in the basement for now until we can figure out if it really is them or not. I am glad Gord changed his mind about it, because we would have never known if it really was them or not if we got rid of them that quickly. The antibiotic seems to be working so far, so I am happy about that. 

Miss you girls too! :hugs: I am working on increasing his feeding schedule, and so I am hoping to be getting some more sleep soon, which would allow me to be able to function more then what I have been.


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## reedsgirl1138

So glad you got to keep your Cats. :) Wooohoo for increasing his feedings...we need some new pics Mommy. ;)


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## Megg33k

Pics, pics, pics!!! :)


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## svetayasofiya

:yipee: yay you got to keep the cats!!! so does that mean Jason actually moved out if the cats are in the basement?


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> well we decided not to get rid of the cats just yet. We have them in the basement for now until we can figure out if it really is them or not. I am glad Gord changed his mind about it, because we would have never known if it really was them or not if we got rid of them that quickly. The antibiotic seems to be working so far, so I am happy about that.
> 
> Miss you girls too! :hugs: I am working on increasing his feeding schedule, and so I am hoping to be getting some more sleep soon, which would allow me to be able to function more then what I have been.

I can feel your pain with the sleeping issue, although Malcolm is getting better. I hope all is well with you and Kash!:hugs:


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## msarkozi

it's so hard to try and find time to do anything right now. He's eating about every 3 hours, and I also have to pump every 3-4 hours. Then I can only do things when he is sleeping really, and that's also the time I would like to nap. I never seem to get naps in as I am always trying to do chores around the house. Showering is a challenge as well, as I need to make sure is asleep first before I can do that. 

Gord started a new job a couple weeks ago, and so he is gone around 6:30 am and isn't home until 7:00 pm. So it's really only me that can get things done. 

Yep Chris, Jason is gone! He actually left the house and took off out of Town the day my parents were driving up. I didn't even know he was gone! He has been gone for almost 3 weeks now. We don't think we are going to see our money ever again, but I finally got him to talk to me yesterday and I told him I was offended because he hasn't talked to us since he left, especially all we did for him and what not, and that I know we aren't going to see our money ever again. He insisted that he was going to pay us back, but time will tell. 

I think my little man is waking up now, so I better run........I feel really awful that I haven't been on here properly since he has been born, and that I am out of the loop with everyone. I am so sorry; please forgive me :flower:


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## msarkozi

https://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=340393&id=593866392&l=7aefa3f73a


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## svetayasofiya

We still love you Mel!!!! You are a busy new mom! You shouldn't be on here all that much anyway :haha: Your lil kash is just gorgeous!

I can't believe Jason! :growlmad: What an a-hole!!!! He hasn't even been around to see the baby? i really hope you get your money back but yeah, I wouldn't hold your breath. 

So Gord has a new job? Is he not working for his cousin anymore?


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## Kimboowee

Congrats!


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## petitpas

Awwww, I've only just seen this. Well done Melissa, he's absolutely gorgeous! :thumbup:


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## pinkbow

Congratulations :flower:


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## msarkozi

Jason is back in Nova Scotia, so I definitely don't think we will get our money :nope:

Nope, Gord quit from his cousin. There was another incident at that same plant and he said he was done. He refused to work there anymore, and that was the only place he would have gotten most of his hours from. So because he has a family now, he said he needed something that will give him hours. I am much happier now, as I don't have to stress about money anymore, especially with me being on unemployment right now.


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## Megg33k

He's gorgeous, Mel! Don't worry about not stalking much... You have more important stuff to attend to! :hugs:

That sucks about Jason and your money! :(


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## Allie84

That's great news about Gord, and bad news about Jason. What a freeloader!!! :(

:hugs: to you and Kash. I miss you but totally understand your new role is mummy and that's a 24/7 job. :)


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## iHeartbaby#1

Congratulations, what a cutie he is! :flow:


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## svetayasofiya

Is Gord in the doghouse for bringing his disaster of a friend into your lives? lol Yeah you'll never see that money. I have no clue how people can behave like that. It's just beyond me. Oh well. It's done. Yay for Gord getting a new job that's safe and brings home the bacon! How's our little Kash today?


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## mrskcbrown

Hey just checking on you and seeing how motherhood is coming along. I know your days are busy as mine are too but just wanted to say hiyadoin!:flower:


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## reedsgirl1138

Hello hun. SOrry I have been MIA but I stalk you on FB all the time. Sorry that Jason bailed and didn't pay what a jerk. But so glad Gord got a better job and less stress for you!!!


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## msarkozi

I have had a fussy baby lately, so it was making the days a little hard. Yesterday he seemed to be back to himself though. This morning he was a little fussy, but has mostly been sleeping, so I think he is still good. He has a very bad diaper rash, which I think might have been a yeast infection from the antibiotics he was on (doctor didn't say which it was). I haven't really noticed the prescribed cream helping all that much yet :shrug: Other then that, he's been doing pretty good. He is gaining weight like crazy - an average of 13.5 oz per week (which they say they should gain at least 7 oz per week, and well he doubles that lol). I am starting to let him eat on his own schedule, which is mostly still 3 hours at a time (except when he was fussy - growth spurt i think), and during the night it can go up to 4 hours. 

I ended up with a blocked milk duct yesterday, and I am scared of infection. The doctor on Thursday just finished telling me I don't have one, and then this happened just like that. I was actually finally able to pump it this morning (thank god, because that was incredibly painful). It still aches some, but at least it isn't fully anymore. 

Today we are headed to a baby shower in about an hour. The little girl was born the day before Kash, so it might be a future girlfriend, lol! It's funny how when you have a child all of a sudden you have a different social life of attending baby showers and birthday parties. The invites just keep coming in now for these things, lol! It's great though because I would like Kash to be socialized as much as possible while growing up. 

Ummmm, what else?! My cousin flys here on Thursday for 5 days, and my mom flys here from Friday for 5 days. My baby shower is on Saturday (totally going to feel awkward being the center of attention - I only don't care when I am drunk and don't really notice, lol). Speaking of that, I had my first beer the other night since June, and it was damn good!!! I was trying to trick my milk, as it was starting to slow down. I'm not sure if it actually worked or not?! Maybe I should have another one :haha: 

Oh, I actually straightened my hair today for the first time in over a month!! I feel like myself again (minus the makeup)! It is such a huge accomplishment that I was able to get it done :rofl: 

Ok, I should go find some food and start getting ready to go in a bit


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## Allie84

Hi Mel! Thanks for the update! :) Awww, I hope Kash's diaper rash goes away soon. Oh, a blocked milk duct sounds really painful! Ouch. 

How was the baby shower? That's really cute that he has a potential little girlfriend. It's nice to know a whole new social life opens up; it sounds pretty fun.

I bet it will be really nice to have your mom and cousin in town. How's Gord's new job lately? It sounds like you are a super busy mommy. It's really great to hear from you, though. I think of you guys all the time and love the updates!!! How is everything going with the cats? Are you going to post some more pics of Kash? I love the ones on Facebook.

Miss you! :hugs:


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## msarkozi

oh yes, the duct is painful! 

The baby shower was ok. I am awkward at those things, but it was good. Kash slept the whole time, thank god. He has been super fussy since we got home though. He sleeps for a bit, and then that's about it. He wants to be held. I am not so sure I am going to get any sleep tonight. 

I have to supplement with formula as I think my milk is slowing down, and he has issues with drinking it. I am going to try a different one and see if that helps. I am going back to the doctor and asking for the prescription to increase my milk flow and talk to him about the formula issues. He did fine with the ready made stuff though, so it might be a matter of buying more of that (I am using powdered right now). 

Gord's job is good. He doesn't really get along with his coworker now, which is a shame as they were originally friends before this. So he comes home and vents each night. Although he is busy working every day, so it's good. He has to leave for work before 4 am tomorrow morning (as the winter roads are melting and turning to slush), so he has been in bed for a bit now. 

The cats are good. I definitely don't think there is an allergy there at all. My one cat (Milo) is quite interested in Kash. He is always going up to him and sniffing, licking, and trying to play with him. 

I have to run....he is fussing again :(


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## mummy2lola

wow hes absolutely stunning hun,congratulations xx


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## Jaymes

Hi Mel! I'm glad your duct is better & hope you can increase your supply. Pumping should help to increase it a bit ... A beer sounds heavenly right now, but I don have much longer.


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## msarkozi

I think I am going to try another beer. Pumping just doesn't seem to work to increase it for me, unless I pump every hour I am sure, and well that's not going to happen. 

I am trying to get information on baptizing the little guy. Unfortunately I am going to be out of Town when they host the required seminar sessions here, and so now I am trying to find out if I can do them while I am in Red Deer. Hopefully the church's don't give me any issues about it, otherwise we have to wait until October to baptize him, and we want it done this summer.


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## flubdub

Congratulations :D


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## ttc_lolly

Congrats he is lovely! :flower: x


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## msarkozi

I have the prescription to increase my milk, so we will see if it works. The doctor said if it doesn't, then this is it. 

So is it completely normal to fight with your spouse almost on a daily basis after having a baby????? I am seriously going to lose my mind soon because it's a constant battle. He wants this for the baby and that for the baby and blah blah blah! The only reason I haven't completely switched to formula is because of him. He wants it to be breast milk (even though I don't have much and it causes me pain, and I have to pump it all). The newest one was that I wasn't allowed to take my birth control pill anymore (which is the only one safe for breastfeeding), so I had to garbage them all. Seriously, I am getting so frustrated that I'm not enjoying it when he is home at all anymore. I have my 6 week check up on the 4th, and I think I need to ask for antidepressants!


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## Jaymes

Sorry it's been so rough... it is pretty normal. Maybe you could get the copper IUD as a compromise? There are no chemicals in it... I was having a lot of complications with my BC before we started trying for this baby, so that is the route I am going to take. 

Parenting is hard especially if you haven't talked about your expectations from one another and how you want to deal with anything that may come up. DH and I have had many of those conversations and even use a lot of our date nights to discuss things that we may not agree on. It is very important to keep a united front in front of the children, every now and then they'll try to get away with asking the other parent if they do not like the answer they got from the first. Most of the time we agree with the answer, but every now and then we don't and that is when we have to talk about the why and why not... but always we back each other in front of the kids. Don't be afraid to ask for an anti depressant. The sudden lack of all those hormones you've gotten used to is bound to play with your emotions. I was on them for about 6 month after both of mine... Just try to remember that communication is key and if you want him to compromise, you are going to have to give a little in return. Try to find the middle ground that both of you can live with.

:hug:


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## mrskcbrown

We've also had our differences on what to do with the baby. DH is super over protective and it makes me mad because sometimes he acts as though I dont know what to do!!!! I hated when he was home and loved when he would go to work, and honestly I still do!:winkwink: We had to have a talk because it was driving me insane and he would kinda get mad if I didnt do things his way. He is slowly getting over it and I credit it to communication and prayer. Dont worry it gets easier but you must talk about it!:hugs:


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## msarkozi

I talked to him about the fighting and how it is driving me crazy. He was like I can't believe you think that all we do is fight, and I said it's because we do. I told him about wanting to ask for anti depressants (which I completely forgot about yesterday), and he doesn't think I need them. I told him I did because I am going crazy with all the bickering. It's just one thing after another. 

So for the prescription isn't really helping my milk. We will see. I talked to the doctor yesterday too about birth control. He said really you could take whatever birth control you want, but he wasn't brave enough to do it. So I said I would try pumping for 6 more weeks and go from there. But we talked about that breastfeeding pill, and he said I have a very high chance of getting pregnant again off of that even because my period is back already. He said to use a condom, and I told him that I am choosing no sex at all. So I told Gord (again tonight when he asked for sex) that he has a decision to make because I refuse to have sex again until I am on my regular birth control pill again. He doesn't care if I get pregnant again right away, but I do. 

Kash started smiling today!!! It totally made my day. Mom was upstairs showering and getting ready and I told her he gave me 2 huge smiles. Then I had him on his play mat, and he was talking and smiling away, so she came down to check it out, and he was giving her smiles too. She was like those are definitely smiles. She flew home today, so it was so nice that she was here to see that. My cousin flew back home yesterday, so she missed it. 

I am driving out on April 25th, but I think I am going to drive half way on the 24th. I have to be in Red Deer for the 26th for sure as my truck is booked in for a repair. So I need to make sure I am there, and I don't want to get there too late. Since it is normally a 10 hour drive, I am thinking it's going to be a lot longer with the baby. I am driving by myself as well, so that makes it worse. 

He is waking now, so I better run....he's going to be some hungry as he hasn't eaten in almost 4 hours now, and he isn't going to have patience waiting for me to get off of here, lol!


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## Jaymes

:hug: I have been feeling crappy too! I think if I don't feel better (emo) by my 2 week pp visit, I am going to ask for something...


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## msarkozi

I think the hardest thing, is admitting we need something! I've had to do it before, and I remember when I took that very first pill, all of a sudden I felt at peace. The nurse was like that was a sign that you did need it. I have an appointment with my old doctor while in Red Deer, so I am going to talk to him about it then.


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## yogi77

Just discovered this thread now!!! I'll have to go catch up now :haha:


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## msarkozi

lol, not too much to catch up on :)


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## marnie79

congrats hun xx


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## mrskcbrown

Wow, you are going to drive 10 hrs alone!? Thats a long time with a baby. Is he good in the car seat? Malcolm absolutely hates his car seat and wails to the top of his lungs! I try to make sure he is asleep or its a miserable ride for me. I hope you all get everything sorted out relationship wise. Have you all considered counseling for your marital issues?

Good luck and yay for the smiles!


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## msarkozi

I think our issues right now is the stress of a new baby and his new job. He works 12-15 hours each day, and then he gets home and crashes. So I think until I can get into a set routine with Kash where I can get more sleep, I think we just have to deal with each other being somewhat tired and cranky. The last few days have been good though. 

Yeah I know, I'm crazy! Gord has to work, so it's just me. Kash is great in his car seat though and just sleeps. He will wake up when he wants to eat and that's about it. So my issue will be that he's going to mostly sleep all day, and then be awake at night! :( But I am actually going to split the trip up. I will drive to at least Peace River, which is 4 hours away. If he has had enough, I will spend the night there. If he is doing good, then I will just keep going. I will see how far I can make it before he says no more lol! I think if I stop and allow him breaks from his car seat as well, it will help. Whenever I have gone to High Level on my own, I just make sure he eats first and then leave after, so I will do that this time too when we set out


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> I think our issues right now is the stress of a new baby and his new job. He works 12-15 hours each day, and then he gets home and crashes. So I think until I can get into a set routine with Kash where I can get more sleep, I think we just have to deal with each other being somewhat tired and cranky. The last few days have been good though.
> 
> Yeah I know, I'm crazy! Gord has to work, so it's just me. Kash is great in his car seat though and just sleeps. He will wake up when he wants to eat and that's about it. So my issue will be that he's going to mostly sleep all day, and then be awake at night! :( But I am actually going to split the trip up. I will drive to at least Peace River, which is 4 hours away. If he has had enough, I will spend the night there. If he is doing good, then I will just keep going. I will see how far I can make it before he says no more lol! I think if I stop and allow him breaks from his car seat as well, it will help. Whenever I have gone to High Level on my own, I just make sure he eats first and then leave after, so I will do that this time too when we set out

Oh thats great that he likes his car seat. I wish Malcolm did:nope:. Im dreading going to Chicago in 2 weeks! He did well today though so Im hoping this is a new routine. Im wishing you the best on your trip!:thumbup:


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## msarkozi

how long is your drive to Chicago? 

he's having an odd day today. He has only wanted to be on his tummy, and he has been sleeping all day! I woke him up just after 6:00 to eat and change him, and he was awake for 2 hours and then asleep again!!! I am in for a long night I think. I don't know why he is sleeping so much today?!

I just finished having a beer! :) I figured I wasn't going to be pumping for a couple hours anyway, so why not! Although, I think I am slightly buzzed, lol!


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> how long is your drive to Chicago?
> 
> he's having an odd day today. He has only wanted to be on his tummy, and he has been sleeping all day! I woke him up just after 6:00 to eat and change him, and he was awake for 2 hours and then asleep again!!! I am in for a long night I think. I don't know why he is sleeping so much today?!
> 
> I just finished having a beer! :) I figured I wasn't going to be pumping for a couple hours anyway, so why not! Although, I think I am slightly buzzed, lol!

Its 8 hours to Chicago from where Im at.
Malcolm sleeps on his tummy all the time, even though I know the experts say put them on their backs to sleep:wacko:. He wakes up right away on his back, so I just monitor him really well and he sleeps with me every nite.

I just had a drink too:winkwink:!


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## Sassy_TTC

Crap how did I miss this, I've been watchin out for you on the parenting journals and wondered why I couldn't find you, will be stalking from now on.xxxx


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## msarkozi

lol Sass 

oh so you have a long drive ahead of you as well. I hope it goes well! I am so scared to put him on his tummy at night time. He doesn't sleep in the same room as me, so it's too hard for me to monitor him. Once he can roll over, then maybe it won't be such a big deal.


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> lol Sass
> 
> oh so you have a long drive ahead of you as well. I hope it goes well! I am so scared to put him on his tummy at night time. He doesn't sleep in the same room as me, so it's too hard for me to monitor him. Once he can roll over, then maybe it won't be such a big deal.

I wish I could get Malcolm to sleep in his bed and in another room:wacko:. He will sleep for a few and then just wake up:wacko:. Its a work in progress:thumbup:.


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## msarkozi

the last couple of nights I have had issues with him sleeping in his crib; he doesn't seem to want to!! I will put him in his crib, and he will wake right up. So then I get him back to sleep, and lay him down again, and his eyes open yet again. So then I give up and bring him downstairs (I live in a duplex, so main level) and he is fast asleep, so I lay him in his bassinet that is part of the playpen, and he sleeps there (go figure!). I end up sleeping on the couch. Then after he wakes for his feed, I put him in his crib again, and he will sleep anywhere from 1-3 hours and wake. Then I try and get him back to sleep, and it's a no go, so then I take him into my room and lay him on my chest where he will sleep for an hour and then he's had enough of that too. I am wondering if the issue is that he's sleeping so much during the day, and his schedule is kinda screwed up from that?!

If he is all of a sudden deciding to hate his crib, I am going to be spending a lot of nights on the couch! :wacko:


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## Allie84

Good luck on your trip! I'm glad you're splitting the drive. 

I hope you get meds so you can start feeling better. How cute that Kash is smiling!!!


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## msarkozi

It melts my heart Allie! He was full of smiles today! We were at another baby shower again this afternoon, and he was just flirting with the ladies with all those smiles. 

I think we are going to have a good night tonight (or so I am hoping). He was up early today (with little sleep last night), and he was awake for most of the day. He is having a good nap right now, and then he will have his bath and hopefully stay awake until around 10:00, and then off to bed for the night, along with mommy!! 

I'm so angry!! My cell phone died on me yesterday and I totally rely on it!! I have Kash's feeding schedule set as alarms in it, and now I am so lost (sad I know). It totally helps me to remember when he ate last and I know when abouts the next one is going to start. It started giving me grief in February, but then it stopped so I thought everything was ok. Then yesterday it decided that was enough. Even though it would be fully charged or even half charged, it would die. And yesterday it would keep turning itself off and on. So today I tried Gord's battery in it (as we have the same phone), and it worked! So I have a faulty battery! I have only had my phone since mid-November, so I am hoping Telus is going to cover the costs for a new battery! And the shitty thing is, there is no dealer here! I have to phone High Level tomorrow to see if they carry the battery, and if they will ship it across to me so I can have it by 5:00 pm tomorrow! So frustrating, especially when you depend on it (and I need to make sure I have a working cell phone for when I drive out at the end of the month)!


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> the last couple of nights I have had issues with him sleeping in his crib; he doesn't seem to want to!! I will put him in his crib, and he will wake right up. So then I get him back to sleep, and lay him down again, and his eyes open yet again. So then I give up and bring him downstairs (I live in a duplex, so main level) and he is fast asleep, so I lay him in his bassinet that is part of the playpen, and he sleeps there (go figure!). I end up sleeping on the couch. Then after he wakes for his feed, I put him in his crib again, and he will sleep anywhere from 1-3 hours and wake. Then I try and get him back to sleep, and it's a no go, so then I take him into my room and lay him on my chest where he will sleep for an hour and then he's had enough of that too. I am wondering if the issue is that he's sleeping so much during the day, and his schedule is kinda screwed up from that?!
> 
> If he is all of a sudden deciding to hate his crib, I am going to be spending a lot of nights on the couch! :wacko:

My baby takes one long nap during the day for about 2-3 hrs but the others are just short cat naps. I try my best to keep him up though. Malcolm does the same thing in his crib:dohh:. He wont even sleep in his play pen, but he will lie in it. Im thinking his mattress isnt soft enough like our bed and maybe I need to get a mattress pad?? Im going to the baby store tomorrow to look into it. He has so many things to sleep in, crib, playpen, newborn rocker and yet he only wants to sleep with us:wacko:. I hope this gets sorted out soon for us both!:winkwink:


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## msarkozi

were you able to get it sorted out? I still haven't been able to :( To make matters worse, I will be away for the few weeks, and so he isn't going to be sleeping in his crib. So if I do get him to sleep in it again, by the time I get home, I am sure he is going to hate it yet again :wacko:


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## msarkozi

it's been awhile since I have written in here........

well, we were gone for 3 weeks and it was great, but even better to get home! Kash has colic, but I think it is starting to subside now (thank god). He is on the prescription for it, and I am not sure when I stop giving it to him (so I need to find that out). Ummmm, other then that, the doctor had me switch his formula and since then he has been sleeping through the night (thank god!). 

he just woke from a short nap, so I will catch up later


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## Jaymes

Hi! How are you?


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## reedsgirl1138

Hey hun its wonderful to hear from you..I keep up with you and Kash on FB and you have been going going lately. LOL Sounds like you have been having fun though. So sorry to hear about the colic but I am glad its getting better. xx


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## babyblessed

congratulations, glad you have your wee boy save and sound, he is very cute, love the name!


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## msarkozi

doing good Jaymes, thank you. I think I am about caught up on much needed sleep, lol! Kash slept from 10:00-7:30 this morning; I was in complete shock. So for the last couple hours of my sleep, I was waking up and checking out the clock thinking he was waking any minute now. At 6:20, I went into the bedroom to make sure he was still breathing lol! He is a tired boy today....it's also a rainy day, so I don't blame him. 

We haven't been doing a whole lot lately...just hanging around home, going for a walk daily (minus rainy days), and having play time. He doesn't really like to play, but I am trying to encourage him and get him to try and hold onto some of his toys. He really enjoys standing though; he is such a strong boy and I am so proud of him! Even when he tumbles down from standing, he pushes himself back up!! He even was taking steps one night while he was standing. I believe that is all part of that reflex, but still, I was proud. 

When do they start rolling over? He doesn't even make efforts to do it anymore, so I don't know if that is something he is behind in, or if it is still a ways away?! He also won't turn his head when you make noises by his ears. I asked the doctor about it, and he told me it was a little early yet but to keep my eye on it. I don't think he is deaf, but sometimes it worries me. 

So we are having a huge issue with trying to get him baptized. I ended up attending the baptism seminar in Red Deer while I was there, but now I have to register with the Church here (who knew you had to register with a Church?!), and then have the priest write a letter giving us permission to be baptized in Red Deer. I had one letter written from the coordinator here, and she stressed in it that we were not registered and we do not attend Church, so it caused us issues. We may not attend weekly, but we do attend every year on Christmas Eve. It's such a pain in the butt these days to try and get your child baptized!!!


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## PumpkinPatchx

Beautiful! Enjoyed reading your birth story too x x


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## msarkozi

thanks Pumpkin! I hope you have a better birth story then I did :thumbup: beautiful name you have picked out as well :)


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## mrskcbrown

Kash is 3 months!! 12 weeks...yay! So cool. My baby isnt turning over but he can move all over the bed and push himself around with his legs and feet:haha:


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## msarkozi

Kash does that too. I put him to bed in one spot and he is always in a different spot when I get him in the morning. 

I have such a sookie baby today and yesterday; I am wondering if he's not feeling well, but his temp was still pretty good. He has a bit of a runny nose though. He barely napped today, so he should sleep good tonight. Only, I am going to High Level tomorrow and have to be there for 9 am!! So, I might have to wake him for a feeding before I hit the road. I am hoping he travels/shops well tomorrow!!!!! I am getting my truck serviced, but need diapers and formula!!


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## Jaymes

I hope Kash is well today!


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## msarkozi

we ended up not going to High Level today as I didn't get enough sleep. I was pissed at Gord cuz he was out drinking, and I told him off once again when he finally came home. Then Kash decided to wake up at 4:30 for some reason, and I only had a couple hours of sleep at that point. Then I got another 45 and then had to wake Gord for work (as his cell was charging downstairs), and then I got an hour and a half of sleep again and then was fighting with Kash to go back to sleep. Finally just after 9:00 I gave up. I was so tired!! He went for a nap at 10:45 and so I rushed to shower thinking he was only having a cat nap, but it turned into a 2.5 hour nap, and of course I didn't sleep! So hoping he is going to bed at his regular time tonight and sleeps the night again!! We are going to go to High Level on Thursday now instead, and it's a must that I go then since I opened the last can of formula this morning (it lasts me a week max, but I don't want to push it). 

Well, hockey game is on....gotta go :)


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## svetayasofiya

Uhm.... sorry for your loss.....





:rofl:





:happydance:


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## reedsgirl1138

I hope Kash sleep good for you tonight. Darn Gord...kick him in the arse!! XXX


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## rottpaw

msarkozi said:


> we ended up not going to High Level today as I didn't get enough sleep. I was pissed at Gord cuz he was out drinking, and I told him off once again when he finally came home. Then Kash decided to wake up at 4:30 for some reason, and I only had a couple hours of sleep at that point. Then I got another 45 and then had to wake Gord for work (as his cell was charging downstairs), and then I got an hour and a half of sleep again and then was fighting with Kash to go back to sleep. Finally just after 9:00 I gave up. I was so tired!! He went for a nap at 10:45 and so I rushed to shower thinking he was only having a cat nap, but it turned into a 2.5 hour nap, and of course I didn't sleep! So hoping he is going to bed at his regular time tonight and sleeps the night again!! We are going to go to High Level on Thursday now instead, and it's a must that I go then since I opened the last can of formula this morning (it lasts me a week max, but I don't want to push it).
> 
> Well, hockey game is on....gotta go :)

I know exactly how those nights feel, and I hope you get some rest soon! I am still struggling with getting MYSELF to sleep through the night, even though Ethan is basically sleeping fine. But for the longest time we had that pattern you are describing, where I was only picking up 30-45 minute catnaps for half the night, and it is exhausting. I got almost 5 hours last night which is enough energy for me to get through the day, but not very productively and it just makes for a really long day when it starts at 3:30 in the morning. :grr: Third night in a row now that i've woken up then and not gotten back to sleep at all. Hope the day trip goes well and I will be counting my blessings that our supermarket is just around the corner! 

PS come back to the March 2011 thread if you get a chance! :hugs:


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## msarkozi

I have to go find it again Angela, as it isn't coming up in my threads anymore....but I should be able to find it easily in my control panel. 

I am wondering if he isn't feeling well, as the flu is going around right now I guess. I have been taking his temperature and watching to make sure he doesn't spike a fever. I am turning the humidifier on in his room again, as I noticed he is getting stuffed up, so that could also be the issue for him waking. I REALLY want him to go back to his sleeping pattern again of 8-9 hours, feed, and then go back for another 4 hours! I was able to get stuff done in those 4 hours, and I want to start getting on the treadmill so I can lose 60 bloody pounds!!!!!

Chris - you just wait!!!! lol! Your end is coming soon :haha:


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## rottpaw

Lol I agree with Mel, Chris - soon it will all make sense lolololol! :rofl: and Chris we miss you on the grads thread!

I can send you the link for the 2011 thread Melissa. I hope it is not flu for Kash! Sounds like he slept well last night so maybe things will settle down now. And I know what you mean about wanting to work out. I am trying for walking every day right now till my joints and hips get back in line and stop hurting!


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## svetayasofiya

Yeah Mel... The end is coming soon! One where the Canucks are victorious and holding the cup!!!!!

:hi: Angela!!! I'm not taunting Mel with baby stuff.... Hockey stuff!!! :haha:


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## embojet

Congratulations, he is gorgeous x


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## msarkozi

ummmm, nope no cup for them, lol! :haha: I'm thinking Tampa is going to win tonight, but not sure....can't believe there still isn't a score!

I can't believe Kash slept for 10 hours last night!!! And of course I didn't get to enjoy it! Gord was out drinking all friggin night again, and I was so pissed off. I can't sleep when he does that because I am so mad. He finally came home just before 6 am this morning, and then was supposed to go to work an hour later....he slept in for work and then blamed me for it! It was a huge friggin fight and he was still being a dick for the first while he was at work. He apologized when he got home from work, but I know that's not the end of it. When he finally got home from drinking, I was yelling at him (apparently I yell for attention! yeah uh huh whatever, I am yelling because I am pissed at you!) and I told him he was a lousy father! He said he provides for his son, and I was like that is not what being a father means! I hope he steps up and starts being more active, because I am basically a single parent. I can't even go out and leave Kash with him because he can't do it. Nice! 

So, I am hoping that Kash sleeps like that again tonight, as I need some sleep! I don't know how I am even surviving today with no real sleep. 

Is there a new link Angela? I went back into the March group, but the last posts were in April. I can't believe 2ndtimer lost her baby to SIDS :cry:


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## svetayasofiya

Oh my God that is so awful :cry:


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## RuthieCC

Congratulations!x x


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## svetayasofiya

I miss you..... Hope everything is going well!


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## msarkozi

Thanks hun! I miss you too! 

I am so exhausted, so I don't get on here too much. I have hyperthyroidism now (which I have read can be caused after post partum - not sure if that is what happened or not), and so I am exhausted. I am on beta blockers right now to slow my heart done, but I can't be on other meds until after I have a radioactive test done on my thyroid. They need to determine if the nodules are hot or cold, and we are praying for hot, otherwise it is another biopsy! I don't know when my test is scheduled for, so I am guessing I have another month or so before I can have meds :wacko: 

I also have to have a colposcopy done at the end of the month to biopsy cells, as I had an abnormal pap. Again, praying that everything is good. 

Gord has a hernia now too, and so it has been a little stressful financially. They weren't giving him modified work, and so he couldn't work. He went and talked to them last week though and told him he has to, so he is back to work now, just working a few days a week. We are still waiting to hear when his surgery is as well. 

My grandma has been in the hospital now for at least a month. She is passing away. She has alzheimer's and so she has been deteriorating. Originally, she fell again and so she broke her collar bone. She was back in the home and she was complaining about pain, so they took her back to the hospital where she has been since. She can't swallow, and they can't determine why. They had a feeding tube running through her nose, but she kept ripping it out, so she doesn't even have that anymore. She is on comfort care now until the end. They aren't exactly sure how much longer she has left, so we are all just waiting now. It's kind of a stressful month. 

Other then that, Kash is doing good. His colic meds are almost done and then I am going to see if he still needs it or not. He is growing like a weed and some days he has a little more independence then others. He can't seem to let me out of his sight though. I tried leaving the house last night for a little bit, and he was freaking on Gord. Gord doesn't have patience for it either, and so really, I have no help with Kash at all. It's so draining on me, especially since I have to entertain him 24/7. The only time I really get anything done is when he is sleeping. The last few days, he was only napping for half an hour at a time, but so far it has been an hour. Once he wakes, I am going to feed him and take him for a walk :)

hmmmmm, what else............oh, I took my boss to hr a couple weeks ago. Because we live in company housing, we are all on a housing allocation list. Because Husky bought out Mobil, we have aquired all of their houses now. This makes it so I am entitled to a house now (I would have never been otherwise). I asked my boss where I was on the allocation list, and she told me because I am on mat leave, I have been removed from the list and I will get back on once I return to work in February. Well, I was quite pissed off. I am entitled to all my benefits, and housing is one, so it wasn't sitting too well with me. I contacted HR in the head office, and he told me I was still entitled to be on the list, and he was going to talk to our district manager about it. Needless to say, I will be moving into a house this fall!!!! I am so excited!! This place we were moved into in November irritates me. The back yard is nothing but weeds and tree roots and Kash can't go back there at all. And then the front yard sucks too! It also seems to be infested. I have never had to kill so many spiders in my life before (and I am terrified of them!). As well, I have to keep killing ants!!!! grrrr!!!

So yeah, that's my life for now :)


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## Allie84

Great to hear from you Mel!! I love getting updates on how things are going. So sorry to hear about your grandma. :hugs: I pray she is comfortable until the end. Also sorry to hear about your and Gord's health problems....I was given beta blockers for heart palpitations before but they were only taken as needed. They knocked me out though, so I can't imagine what it's like taking them daily! 

Ooh, awesome about a house!! Good for you for standing up for your rights and staying on the list. Too bad your boss wasn't more helpful. 

Can we get some more photos of Kash? I bet he's getting so big!!! Hope his colic is gone once the meds are done. :hugs: to Kash!


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## msarkozi

I am on a low dose right now, and if it doesn't help, then I am supposed to increase them. 

ooh Kash likes the hugs :) thank you he says

I will have to steal some off of fb, as i end up taking them with my phone all the time. He is so big. He looks like he is older then 4 months old. His new favorite thing to do is gurgle lol


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## msarkozi

some pictures
 



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## msarkozi

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## rottpaw

So cute Mel! I am sorry about your grandma. I lost mine right before the baby was born so I understand!

Can't believe how big these boys are getting! That is the same color bumbo we have. Ethan really likes it and looks like Kash does too!


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## msarkozi

oh yes, he often hangs out in the kitchen with me in his bumbo. One of my neighbours gave it to me, and it's just the best thing. He's able to hit his head on cupboards now, so I have to be careful with the spots I put him in.


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## svetayasofiya

Hi Melissa! Thanks for the update. I am really sorry to hear that things are going so crappy for you right now. When it rains it pours! Losing a grandma is never easy :hugs: Hang in there.
I hope everything comes up clear for you! I have had abnormal paps before and everything was fine so I am praying for you that that is the case too. Maybe it was abnormal because you had it so close after giving birth? I can only imagine the financial stress with Gord not well now and only working part time. Just keep reminding yourself that it is only temporary. You'll get through this and be tougher for it.
Glad to hear Kash is doing well! He is soooo cute! He looks like a real happy baby. Thanks for sharing the pictures!!! 
Good news about the house! I would have fought for it too, your boss sounds like a real piece of work. I hope your new house will be awesome!!
Big hugs to you!!!! I'll be joining you in mommy hood soon! :flower:


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## msarkozi

I so can't wait for you to have your little princess :) 

Life is definitely a struggle right now. I also feel that Gord is lying to me and hiding something from me. I am against doing drugs, and I have seen some of his text messages before about drugs. When I asked him about it, he promised me he wasn't doing them, and he said someone else used his phone. That honestly makes no sense to me at all. I seen another message from Friday night talking about drugs as well. If I can somehow find out the truth, it's over. I am not going to put up with being lied to and made a fool of. And when I say drugs, it's pot and coke!! I'm just so upset because I want to believe him, but how can I when I seen those messages?! It's like he is living 2 different lives. 

We still get into quite a bit of fights. Nothing has gotten better since Kash was born, and I even told Gord he is a bad father!! He pays attention to Kash for maybe 10 minutes a day. If he's not working, then he is golfing, playing video games, or out drinking and spending all our money!! I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I want this to work, but part of me is wondering if it ever will. And right now I have no income of my own, so I am in a tight spot. Once I am back to work, and I still feel like this, then I might have to make a decision.

I am hoping the pap came back abnormal for that reason for sure. I have pains down there though (it goes numb and kinda stings like a pinched nerve), so that kinda makes me worry a little. 

ok, typing with kash standing on me isn't so easy when he keeps moving around lol. I'm hoping he goes back to bed soon so I can too. I haven't had much sleep yet, and I'm on my period too, so I just want to go curl up and forget life for a few more hours!!!


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> I so can't wait for you to have your little princess :)
> 
> Life is definitely a struggle right now. I also feel that Gord is lying to me and hiding something from me. I am against doing drugs, and I have seen some of his text messages before about drugs. When I asked him about it, he promised me he wasn't doing them, and he said someone else used his phone. That honestly makes no sense to me at all. I seen another message from Friday night talking about drugs as well. If I can somehow find out the truth, it's over. I am not going to put up with being lied to and made a fool of. And when I say drugs, it's pot and coke!! I'm just so upset because I want to believe him, but how can I when I seen those messages?! It's like he is living 2 different lives.
> 
> We still get into quite a bit of fights. Nothing has gotten better since Kash was born, and I even told Gord he is a bad father!! He pays attention to Kash for maybe 10 minutes a day. If he's not working, then he is golfing, playing video games, or out drinking and spending all our money!! I seriously don't know what to do anymore. I want this to work, but part of me is wondering if it ever will. And right now I have no income of my own, so I am in a tight spot. Once I am back to work, and I still feel like this, then I might have to make a decision.
> 
> I am hoping the pap came back abnormal for that reason for sure. I have pains down there though (it goes numb and kinda stings like a pinched nerve), so that kinda makes me worry a little.
> 
> ok, typing with kash standing on me isn't so easy when he keeps moving around lol. I'm hoping he goes back to bed soon so I can too. I haven't had much sleep yet, and I'm on my period too, so I just want to go curl up and forget life for a few more hours!!!

Sorry things have been so difficult for you lately. Condolences on losing your grandmother:hugs:. I pray Gord is not using drugs either. They wreck your life!!!

The pics of the baby Kash are so adorable. He is such a cutie:cloud9:. My boy is doing well. Now 16lbs, 3oz and 25 inches. He is pretty much sleeping through the night too. Enjoy your time off, you have a long way to go. Ive been off 6 months.:hugs:


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## msarkozi

I read signs that someone is doing coke, and he doesn't fit it, so I am hoping that is a good sign. We applied for extra insurance through my company, and he got a letter in the mail a couple nights ago saying he was denied because of drug use. So I asked him if he failed the urine sample we had to do, and he said the letter only said that it was because he answered yes for the drug question. I dug the letter out of the garbage to confirm that's what it said, and it did. But I am also wondering if he did actually fail that test?! He told me he hasn't done drugs since Kash was born, but it's kinda hard to believe when you see the messages that you do. And there is one night he got high that I knew about and I got pissed off at him for and wouldn't speak to him for the rest of the night. 

Glad to hear Malcom is doing well. He is such a sweetie :) I'm lucky that the doctor signed me off of work early, so I had an extra month off. In the end, I will have been off for 13 months. As much as it is going to suck to go back to work when time comes, the paycheck is going to be nice! Once winter comes though, Gord will be raking in the money as it is busy season. The only thing is, I won't see him as much. 

I am thinking of starting Kash on solids soon. He does seem somewhat interested in what we are eating. I am not sure if he is completely ready for it, but I figure if I try and he isn't, he is going to let me know.


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> I read signs that someone is doing coke, and he doesn't fit it, so I am hoping that is a good sign. We applied for extra insurance through my company, and he got a letter in the mail a couple nights ago saying he was denied because of drug use. So I asked him if he failed the urine sample we had to do, and he said the letter only said that it was because he answered yes for the drug question. I dug the letter out of the garbage to confirm that's what it said, and it did. But I am also wondering if he did actually fail that test?! He told me he hasn't done drugs since Kash was born, but it's kinda hard to believe when you see the messages that you do. And there is one night he got high that I knew about and I got pissed off at him for and wouldn't speak to him for the rest of the night.
> 
> Glad to hear Malcom is doing well. He is such a sweetie :) I'm lucky that the doctor signed me off of work early, so I had an extra month off. In the end, I will have been off for 13 months. As much as it is going to suck to go back to work when time comes, the paycheck is going to be nice! Once winter comes though, Gord will be raking in the money as it is busy season. The only thing is, I won't see him as much.
> 
> I am thinking of starting Kash on solids soon. He does seem somewhat interested in what we are eating. I am not sure if he is completely ready for it, but I figure if I try and he isn't, he is going to let me know.

My baby is on baby foods, and rice also some juice like white grape juice because he has constipation bad and it helps. He loves the baby food. Every kind except green beans, but I keep making him try them. I usually feed him milk first and then baby food once a day. He leans and reaches for my cup when Im drinking and my spoon when Im eating, so thats how I knew he wanted more:winkwink:. Good luck. I think Kash will like the food!:cloud9:


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## vickyd

Mel as far as i know you shouldnt have a pap done at least 6 months after birth. My doc has schedualed mine in September cause he didnt want any false readings from the pregnancy.
I know quite alot of people that use coke. Its very easy to spot the signs: loss of appetite, on edge all the time, the face becomes bloated giving the impression of weight gain but its completely localised to the face and although they have erections its difficult for them to ejaculate. I hope he isnt using, ive seen my best friend become a total ass after years of doing coke...He is (or was) a very talented architect but no longer hasthe motivation to do anything productive.


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## mrskcbrown

I didnt know you shouldnt have a pap until the baby is 6 months???? I just had one and my baby is 4 months but it turned out fine


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## msarkozi

I just tried Kash on some brown rice cereal tonight. He wasn't too sure about it, but I think he did a good job for the first time. We will see what happens over the next few days. I have the baby bullet, and I am loving it so far. 

Vicky - I haven't had one in 2 years because of being pregnant, and I wasn't able to have a 6 week check up because I was on my period, so then I was told to have a complete check up done a few weeks later. They said they will redo the pap in 3 months, which will be the end of the month. Since my colposcopy is at the end of the month, they will redo my pap after that, depending what the results are. I think I might have had one pap that was abnormal before, but they told me it wasn't any concern. 

He doesn't seem to have any of the signs of using coke, so I really hope he isn't. If I find out he is, it's over, simple as that. When we got together, there were quite a bit of things I didn't know about him. Later in the relationship I learned he had a gambling problem. I've had to go through a lot of crap with him, but there are some limits, and drugs is the end of them.


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> I just tried Kash on some brown rice cereal tonight. He wasn't too sure about it, but I think he did a good job for the first time. We will see what happens over the next few days. I have the baby bullet, and I am loving it so far.
> 
> Vicky - I haven't had one in 2 years because of being pregnant, and I wasn't able to have a 6 week check up because I was on my period, so then I was told to have a complete check up done a few weeks later. They said they will redo the pap in 3 months, which will be the end of the month. Since my colposcopy is at the end of the month, they will redo my pap after that, depending what the results are. I think I might have had one pap that was abnormal before, but they told me it wasn't any concern.
> 
> He doesn't seem to have any of the signs of using coke, so I really hope he isn't. If I find out he is, it's over, simple as that. When we got together, there were quite a bit of things I didn't know about him. Later in the relationship I learned he had a gambling problem. I've had to go through a lot of crap with him, but there are some limits, and drugs is the end of them.

I definitely understand. Everyone has a breaking point!


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## svetayasofiya

I really really really hope Gord isn't being stupid and using. I totally understand that that would be it. Not that I have experienced it, but it would definitely be my breaking point. Zero tolerance for crap like that. I'll put up with weed but not chemicals.


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## msarkozi

You are so much better then me Chris, as I don't even want to put up with that. My issue is because any time he was high, he would come home, eat pretty much everything in the house, and then go to sleep. I just don't think that is fair to me, as I am left alone all the time. I need some attention too. He still claims he doesn't do it, but it's so hard to believe when you see those messages........too bad I couldn't give him a lie detector test lol!


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## mrskcbrown

msarkozi said:


> You are so much better then me Chris, as I don't even want to put up with that. My issue is because any time he was high, he would come home, eat pretty much everything in the house, and then go to sleep. I just don't think that is fair to me, as I am left alone all the time. I need some attention too. He still claims he doesn't do it, but it's so hard to believe when you see those messages........too bad I couldn't give him a lie detector test lol!

Praying everything is getting better relationship-wise. :hugs:


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## msarkozi

We are going away on Thursday next week, and I am hoping some time away will help us out. I have to get my colposcopy done on the 28th, so I am heading down a week earlier to visit family and basically just get out of Town. Gord will be with me for the weekend, and then is going to fly home on the 25th. I am so glad he is going to be driving down with me, as it is so hard to travel with Kash. I am hoping having someone in the backseat with him will make things a lot easier. 

So yesterday was day 4 on the rice cereal, and he still wasn't caring for it much. So I also made up some of the heinz rice cereal, and he ate the whole tablespoon!!! Since the homemade cereal is more textured, I am thinking that is part of the issue. Today, we moved to bananas, and he ate the whole amount I served him. So glad he is liking his food. I think after these 4 days are up, I am going to try some sweet potato


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## msarkozi

sorry I haven't been around for awhile. I left on holidays on the 20th, and then I had a very shitty next couple of weeks. I have to get caught up at home, and then I will catch up on everyone's journals. 

To explain my shitty weeks: 

We went to Red Deer and we visited my grandma in the hospital the next eveneing. We had such a great night with her, and she was so happy to see Kash. She really lit up when we walked in the room. Well, the next day, the dr phoned and said they had to take grandma off the fluids, as it was just pooling in her leg and not circulating (since she couldn't swallow, and could not have the feeding tube through her nose anymore, this is how they were giving her nutrition). So she was only on morphine. She went downhill quickly. Sunday morning the doctor phoned and said she had 2-4 days max, and 4 hours later, the nurse phoned and said her color changed. So I spent the rest of the time at the hospital and watched my grandma stop breathing! It was not easy at all. My mom got to the hospital an hour late, so it was just my grandpa, brother, uncle and i in the room when it happened. 

So then the rest of the week was funeral prep. The viewing was the Thursday evening, and then the service Friday morning. I was glad I was staying at my grandpa's house, as he really needed us to be there for him. 

Also on that Thursday, I had my colposcopy done. The doctor explained to me what the report said and why I was having it. I am in the high risk category, which has a 12% risk of cancer....the next category is cancer!!! I had to have a biopsy done, so I was crampy for the next few days after that. 

Tuesday, I met Gord in Edmonton at the airport and then we continued driving to Grande Prairie for our medical appts there. We didn't get in until 12:30ish am and then Kash decided to stay up until 2:40! Then it was an early morning. Gord's surgery for his hernia won't be until the later part of September yet!! 

Thursday, I started my thyroid scans. This was an uptake scan this day. So since I was radioactive, I was told to watch how much I was holding Kash. When I went back 4 hours later, she made a comment that my thyroid was processing slowly. So of course I googled when I got back to the hotel. 

Friday morning, I had my nuclear imaging scan done. I was asked to wait while the doctor had a look to make sure everything was good before I left. So the tech comes to me again, and she said the dr wanted me to wait around as he was going to look at my other reports and decide if he wants to do more. I started freaking! The doctor finally came to me after a bit, and he said that my dr thought it was hyperthyroidism that was showing from the blood tests, but the scan wasn't showing that at all, and I had to have a biopsy!!! 2 friggin biopsies in a week!! I was ready to break down! Let me tell you, the freezing into your neck hurts like a major bitch, and then my neck is still sore after! So now I keep having mini breakdowns, wondering if I have cancer or not! I was told the cervical biopsy results would be 1-2 weeks, and then the thyroid biopsy about a week for results, so I am pretty much going to get slammed all at once with everything! Not sure how much more I can handle!


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## Allie84

Oh Mel! :hugs: What a rough couple of weeks indeed. I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandma. I think it's lovely she got to meet Kash first and he brightened her day. 

It must be really scary waiting on TWO biopsies! I was worried I had thyroid cancer a few years ago...as a doc told me my thyroid felt large once at a routine physical and sent me for a scan. I spent the week worrying I had thyroid cancer and Googling it and the good news is it is a curable cancer. It's like the best cancer to have if you have to have cancer (which of course I hope you don't). Doctors just always have to look for the worst thing (like when I had to get an MRI when my prolactin was elevated to make sure there wasn't a tumor). As for a colposcopy, I think Megg just had one done recently due to blood test results and it was normal. 

How are Kash and Gord? I hope you managed to have some fun on your trip away and it wasn't just hospitals! Welcome home and welcome back! :hugs:


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## mrskcbrown

Praying for you on the loss of your grandma and I hope all is well medically!(((HUGS)))


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## msarkozi

Thanks ladies! I am just hoping for some positive results for both biopsies. For my colposcopy, he said if it comes back positive then we have to discuss treatment, which could be radiation, lasering, or hysterectomy!!! I felt gutted at that word! my mom had to have one in her 30's and I've always been worried I would too. So, I need a negative result!

Gord's surgery won't be until late September sometime, so he isn't working much. I am getting really tired of having a non intimate life, and so I am a little depressed there. 

Kash is growing like a weed and getting so talkative! he really makes me laugh! he is rolling over both ways, and seems to be gaining weight like crazy! still not back to sleeping thru the nights though, and so i am finding it pretty hard. he seems to be going through the separation anxiety stage now too, so that can be fun lol! teething like crazy, but no teeth coming through. a friend ordered me a baltic amber teething necklace, and so i am just waiting for that to arrive. ummmmmm, oh yeah, his baptism is on the 21st and so i am starting to plan for that. i am also going to have some 6 month pictures done on the 29th and am excited about those. 

other then that, i don't think there is too much else. kash is sitting on my knee and trying to bounce, so it is making this difficult to type lol. hoping he has a nap soon so i can get some things done.......then i can catch up on some more journals :)


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## vickyd

Shit Mel talk about a diffficult time....Sorry your nan passed away...
I hope your biopsies come back negative, i cant imagine how stressful the wait is! Ill be praying that all goes well for you hun!


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## msarkozi

Thanks Vicky! I am trying to focus all my energy into preparing for Kash's baptism on the 21st so that my mind is off of it. So far I have made 10 dozen cookies, 40 buns (with another batch on the go), and 9 dozen meatballs since these can all be frozen. Ordered a meat tray, veggie tray, fruit tray, and cheese tray. I have someone making me a cake in the shape of a cross as well. I put my mom in charge of making butter tart bars, and ham & pickle loaf. I am going to makecarrot cake bars and chocolate chip cheesecake bars as well, and a pasta salad, I am hoping that is all enough!

Kash keeps trying the keyboard away to eat, lol! Everything goes straight to the mouth....he is going to be deadly when those teeth come in! ouch!

I talked to Jaymes on fb the other day as we haven't heard from here in a long time. She is having a hard time and doesn't want to come back to bnb.....not sure if she will change her mind later or not.


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## Allie84

Sorry to hear that about Jaymes...I always think about the girls who have left and hope they are well (of course, I wish they would all come back)! It's too bad she's having a hard time...to clarify, is it with Bnb or just with life? 

Wow, sounds like a feast for his baptism!! In my church we don't baptise until they are 8 so I don't have one of these to look forward to yet. Did you get him a fancy outfit?


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## msarkozi

oh really? 8? how come they have to wait til then? I did buy him an outfit from Sears. It's pretty cute, but it's not the one I originally wanted. I found a website online that handmakes them, but they were out of stock for the size he needed. I contacted them to see when they would have it in stock, but she said they were out of material. So needless to say, I couldn't get the one I wanted :(

I would say both. Jaymes said she is having a hard time coping with her loss still and she can't be on here. She is going to counseling now for it, so I hope it helps her. The kids are back in school now, and she has been back to work for a bit. I think other then trying to cope with the loss, she seems to be doing pretty good


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## svetayasofiya

Hi Melissa!!! Wow, when it rains it pours. :hugs: Sorry you are going through so much. When will you get your results back? I really really really hope everything comes back perfect. How are you feeling? My sincerest condolences for losing your grandma. It is so hard, I've lost both of mine. We are actually naming our baby girl after one of my grandmas. :flower: 

How is Kash doing? Is Gord feeling better? I can't remember, but when do you guys get to move into the bigger house? 

I don't understand about Jaymes..... what happened???? I think I am scared to know..... :cry:


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## msarkozi

thanks Chris! That is sweet you are naming baby after your grandma

The results should be there, but I am just waiting to be called in, instead of me phoning to find out. I would prefer to get through the baptism first, just in case there is anything bad that comes of it. I'm not too sure when we move into the house, but I am guessing within a month or two at the most. Some of the people ahead of me on the list have moved, so I should be in the first 4 for the next round that moves. They are just redoing some of the houses now. I can't wait. They are supposed to be done with ceramic tile floor and hardwood floors...not this stupid laminate crap. I just really want the space. 

Jaymes is ok. She lost a baby before she had Lexi, and it's still taking a toll on her. She said she thinks of everyone and misses us all a lot. Lexi is getting so big. I don't remember exactly what she said she weighs now, but it was over 16 lbs :) 

Kash is doing good. I just had to put him in the exersaucer so I can type, lol! He is obsessed with the keyboard, so when we were out, we bought him a leapfrog laptop that he can play with instead. He mainly eats it, lol! We are just going to leave the house to go visit someone. But omg with the exersaucer! He finally figured it out earlier in the week, and it is so noisey! lol! He bounces in it all the time, and of course it sets off all the music as well. The bouncing is soooooooo loud, and then he squeals too. He's having fun though :)

Gord isn't really feeling better, but I have zero sympathy for him. He spends pretty much day and night on the golf course (as he seems to only work one day a week.....which they better start giving him hours so I can pay bills!!), and then he complains about hurting. I told him if he is going to continue golfing, then he has no right to complain about hurting and I don't want to hear it.


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## vickyd

We are baptising Hero 18th of Sept. but were having a double ceremony with our christian wedding as well...The church here does not baptise unless youve had a christian ceremony GRR!!! I havent seen the dress Hero will be wearing, my sis is the godmother and has picked everything out and i want it to be a suprise!
I also got Hero a jumperoo, its such a lifesaver!!! She literally never wants to be sitting or laying down...The child only sleeps like 7 hours a day, its really killing my back!!
Hows the weaning going? Im having a hard time as she only seems to like apples at the mo...Shes taking some more rice cereal but only when mixed with suprise suprise apples!!! Veggies are a no no at the mo she really is not liking them... Tomorrow we get our third round of shots and hopefully a new menu from the doc to try..

Hopefully James recovers...I sometimes get sad thinking about Electra but i try to imagine her as an angel watching over Hero and me and it takes some of the sadness away. I also try to be the happiest mom i can be its not fair to my baby to be sad and depressed.

Sucks about Gord playing golf all the time...I would have gotten rid of his clubs lol!!


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## msarkozi

lol Vicky! unfortunately, he just bought the new clubs so I can't throw away all that money. I am hoping next summer will be different since he better not have a hernia again, and therefore will be working every day! 

that is so nice that it will all be a surprise. I am really hoping at this point that his baptism suit still fits since he seems to be gaining weight! I am going to see if I can take him to the doctor for a check up tomorrow and see how I go about getting him on a set routine and to try and sleep more. I read in one of my info things that he should be sleeping 14.5 hours still at this point, and he doesn't even do close to that. Then he ends up being cranky, and it's like would you just sleep then?! lol! 

we are doing good with the solids so far. He loves bananas and apples as well! We are on day 3 of apples and then Thursday I am going to try peas with him. He had sweet potato and the first day he was like what the heck is this, but then the next 3 days, he ate the whole serving of it. He didn't like the homemade rice cereal, so I am using the bought stuff. He did like it, but then I think he got confused because we were gone for so long and I couldn't keep up with the solids while we were away, and so then when I was giving it to him again, he didn't really like it anymore. So then I mixed banana in it and he loved it again lol! They are funny little creatures :)

Kash is going for his 6 month needles on the 26th. Thank goodness he gets a break from them for a little bit. He has done well with his other ones though. 

I hope Jaymes recovers as well. I had to put my loss in the past as well. I just think how lucky I am to have Kash here with me instead, and that if I didn't lose the other one, then I wouldn't be blessed with this little guy that has quite the personality :) 

Last night, he was cranky because he was tired, so I decided to take him to chase one of the cats around, lol! He was just giggling. Every time he spots the cats, he gets a great big smile and giggles. He just loves them, but they keep their distance now because he pulls their hair :)


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## vickyd

Phew! Glad to see im not the only one who has a hard time following through with the solids! we are on holiday at the moment and i keep missing meals! 
I really hate the jabs...Her always spikes a fever for at least 24 hours. Im hoping this time she will react better...As for the sleep thing, well im gonna ask the doc tomorrow but to be honest hes just gonna brush me off as being over-protective. Hes like 70 and really old school so he thinks all this sleep training and stuff is BS. I wish she would have a nap or two during the day, its really hard having to amuse her all day and she still wakes at least once during the night. Last night she was up at 2, 4 and up for good at 7 am!! Im supposed to be relaxing since i go back to work on Monday!


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## msarkozi

that would be so hard to deal with and be back at work! That's why I want to get some kind of schedule going if I can, so that I have no issues when I go back in February. The most he will seem to sleep is 4-5 hours, and it's usually only 4. Then he will sleep for maybe 2-3 more hours. It's like no, just go back to sleep!! I put him in bed with me again this morning, and he slept for 2 more hours, but I don't want him in my bed so I can't keep doing that. 

I find it too hard to keep up with the solids when on holidays, especially when you are making the food yourself. Then you are always on the go, and so the whole feeding thing gets screwed up. 

So all my results are in. I see the doctor on the 25th, so at least I can get through the weekend first and enjoy it. We shall see what next week holds though. 

I was out for a nice long walk yesterday, and one of the housing contractors stopped me on the road. He told me to find out where I am on the housing allocation list, and then he will make sure somehow that we get the house we want (yah!). So now I am in the process of trying to find that out, but no one wants to respond to me...go figure!


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## msarkozi

ok, so the doctor's office from my colposcopy just phoned and told me my results.......it came back as a high grade lesion and has to be removed. She said it wasn't cancer, but if left untreated it will most likely turn to be. So I have to travel back south to have it removed October 14th. I so hope this takes away the pinched nerve feeling I have down there! She said the lesion will be sent out for pathology again, and once they have the report back, they will phone and let me know those results. She said she is suspecting it isn't going to change from being high grade to cancer, so let's hope not! I just realized I never asked if this means a part of my cervix is being removed?! 

So, I guess just to wait to hear my thyroid results next week.......


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## Allie84

That's good news Mel! YAY for not being cancer. I'm not sure what that means for your cervix. Hmm. I'm assuming they will just remove the lesion and hopefully leave your cervix mainly intact? 

Good luck on the thyroid results...I would be breathing easier if I were you because cervical cancer would be worse than thyroid cancer (from what I understand) but of course two negative results are better than one! 

What a nice housing contractor. The prospect of new home is always exciting. :)

I know nothing about parenting/sleeping/feeding yet....but it sounds like you're doing a great job. :hugs:


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## vickyd

Great news Mel, lets hope the thyroid results are negative too....The lesions that are gonna be removed are they HPV lesions? If so i think these are basically frozen and removed without harming your cervix in any way. A friend of mine had this procedure done last year and she was absolutely fine.

I hate to say it but im glad Kash is also sleeping so badly lol!!! I was starting to worry that only Hero is such a bad sleeper due to the fact that i have yet to prepare the nursery lol!!!!!!!


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## msarkozi

lol Vicky! I am really wishing for some sleep though. It's Gord keeping me up as well. Every single night lately, he takes over the whole bed and I end up with legs on me and arms on me, his head on my pillow and what not. It pisses me off! When I get up with Kash and go back to bed, I have to ask him to move over. Then within 5 minutes, he is back on my side of the bed again. And he snores so badly now, and I can't fall asleep. So I keep going to the couch and sleeping for what I can until he gets up for work, and then I crawl back into bed.....but then Kash is always awake an hour or two later. ugh!

I am not sure if it is from hpv or not. She just told me that I will be frozen this time, and it's about a 20 minute procedure to remove it. I know they told me when I was getting the colposcopy done that it is usually caused by hpv and a person could have it for 5 or 10 years even and it just surfaced due to stress or something. I'm just scared it could turn cancerous. I hadn't had a pap in 2 years because of being pregnant, and so who knows how long it's been there for.....and there is no set time as to when it can turn.......

I have so much to do today and I have no idea how to get it all done?! Gord is completely useless and doesn't help me with Kash or anything household related. We were fighting last night too, and I am getting so tired of it. He gets to be such a dick, but then he says it's you being that way, and it's not at all. He never sits back and listens to the way he talks to me or anything like that, and is always putting words in my mouth that I have never said. And that's because he never listens to a damn word I say. It annoys the hell of out of me. I was trying to tell him something the night before, and he was sitting there trying to talk to Kash in the middle of me talking. So later that night he was like you never did tell me what you were going to. I was like ffs, I tried telling you a few times, and you never listened. He said he was listening then, and I was like no I am tired of repeating myself all the time, and if you can't listen when I'm talking then I am not going to tell you again. And last night, the fight started because I was in the middle of saying something and he goes and blows up at me, and I was like can I please finish saying what I am saying before you interrupt me?! And him blowing up at me was uncalled for. He asked me to explain something, and so I was, and then he blew up at me in the middle of it saying his opinion does't matter, and it had nothing to do with the conversation at all. I seriously just want to punch him in the head at times. 

Honestly, part of me doesn't even know if I want to be with him anymore! I just feel like I deserve someone better then this and someone that is going to respect me and actually be a father to Kash.


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## vickyd

Mel 2 years is not such a long time to go without a pap. As far as i know, having the hpv virus which doesnt produce lesions is much more dangerous than theactual outbreak of lesions as far as cancer is concerned. my sister has 2 lesions that manifested after taking cortisone for a few years and her doctor which a specialist in the area of hpv actually has not removed them. They have since almost completely disapeared.

They say having a baby can either bring a couple closer together or tear them completey apart. You need to establish a new way of communication and you need your partener to be there to help out 100%. Gord needs to realise that your lives are 100% diffeerent forever. His hobbies and free time need to be reduced in order for him to help you and be there for Kash. It wont work if he doesnt realise this! Alex had a hard time adjusting at first but i kept finding things for him to do with Hero on his own. I also went out even for an hour a day and left him to take care of her just for him to see how tiring it actually is. Maybe you could do the same. Say you need to run errands and leave him in charge a few times.


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## Allie84

Ahh Mel, I feel for you having a hard time sleeping. I'm reaching that point in pregnancy but I can't really blame it on anyone. It's a bummer Gord takes up so much space! Maybe you should think of investing in a king size?

Life is too short to be in an unhappy situation....I think Gord needs to buck up! I like Vicky's idea of leaving him alone with Kash so he can get a taste of what it's like. :hugs:


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## msarkozi

Trust me, we will be getting a king size bed, but not until after we move. The last few nights, he has been ok. He said he is afraid of getting hit again, lol! He should be! :)

I do tell him often that I am going to go get groceries or run somewhere else, and he will be like you're leaving him with me, and I say yes. But he just doesn't get it at all. I have a hair appt tomorrow night, and he knew about it for awhile. So earlier in the week when I said that I was hoping he was off on Thursday because of my hair appt, he was like I have a golf meeting (which was the first I heard of it), and I was like oh. So he asked why I said it like that, and I said once again golf is more important. And he was like how is that going to sound if I say I can't go to the golf meeting because you have a hair appt. I told him it's called being a parent and looking after your child!!!! He is so selfish and I can't stand it. He just got off of work early, and within 10 minutes, he's out the door going golfing already!! He doesn't spend any friggin time with us, and I am a single parent! The only thing I need him for right now is for an income. 

He knew I had my doctor appointment this morning as well, and he hasn't even asked about my results. SELFISH!!!!! I have no intent on telling him either because he only cares and thinks about himself. So if he ever asks, then I will tell him. 

So, my thyroid results came back as being a cold nodule, but it is benign. Nothing is being done about it. He said to come back in 3 months again to get it looked at. I was like but it hurts (it's a large lump). He said it can be removed, but then I would be left with a scar instead and a surgeon probably isn't willing to remove it since it isn't doing anything. So I have a thyroid that doesn't work, which I am guessing is one of the reasons why I can't lose any of the weight at all and I look like a friggin blimp!!! I'm seriously so tired of being fat and not fitting into my clothes and looking horrible! But the only exercise I am able to get is going for walks each day when it is nice out, because I have no help with Kash...............


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## Allie84

Keep taking those walks while the weather is good...fall and winter are so close, I cant' believe it! Have you thought of putting Kash in daycare part-time or at least find some drop-in car so you can get stuff done if Gord's not around? You definitely deserve to have some time to get your hair done and work out or whatever it is you need to get done...I've worked in childcare and we often had kids from 8 weeks old coming in full-time, which I wouldn't want to do, but I think daycare can be really good. 

Thank goodness about your thyroid results! :hugs: I'm so sorry you're in pain, though. So other than surgery there is nothing that can be done about the pain?

Btw I bet you look good! I've heard it can take a long time for baby weight to come off (how much did you put on again?).....and with everything you've had going on.....please don't be hard on yourself. You're a beautiful mother! :hugs:


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## vickyd

Mel great news about the thyroid results! Sorry they wont remove it for you, a friend of mine got hers removed..I know how you feel about the weightloss...I havent been able to shift any weight at all either...It really puts a damper on things doesnt it? I was about to stat going to the gym this week and my back gave in! I have to fit into my wedding dress on the 18th and my best mate last night said theres no way that will happen unless i loose at least 5 pounds...Im starting the cabbage diet tomorrow lol!
Gord needs a punch in the face...Sorry but theres no point in having a man if he isnt helping, you might as well be a single mom. Who knows, maybe youll be entitled to some benefits?


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## msarkozi

I tell him all the time that I am a single mom. I seriously do not know what it is going to take for him to snap out of it and realize he is a parent and has responsibilities?! I did have a little chat with him today though that we need to reconnect because I feel very distant from him and that I don't know if we are going to make it. I think that put a little realization into it for him. I told him we need to get back to where we were before, so hopefully he is willing to work on it. 

Gord was luckily working late again last night, so I needed the sitter anyway. I almost cried when I dropped him off! He did great though. He of course decided not to nap when he should have, so he was quite tired when I picked him up. You would think he would have slept great last night, but not even close! I am exhausted today. I had to be up to take him for his 6 month needles this morning (he didn't even cry!). 

While I was there, I had to see the nurse practitioner because the doctor forgot to give me something for Kash's eczema the other day, and so I talked to him about my thyroid as well. He is wondering if I am going hypo now and he had blood tests done to find out. I had lost 10 pounds last month because of being hyper, but now I have gained like 14!!! I walk every day, and it's about 30-60 minutes and it's a brisk walk. Yet each day when I step on the scale, I have gained weight!!! I'm seriously so disgusted in myself. I gained 45 pounds or something like that when I was pregnant and only lost 20-23 pounds of it. It fluctuated. So currently I have almost 30 pounds of the baby weight to lose, and 30 pounds from what I put on before. 

They are opening a daycare here in the fall, but you had to preregister for a spot. Because I know the people that are running it, I am not willing to put Kash in it at all. Not all the people working there are qualified. Since I took Early Childhood Development in College and am qualified to run a daycare, I know what needs to be done and is required. Knowing that those requirements aren't met, I won't do it. I feel more comfortable leaving him with a friend that I trust. My one friend did say that once things start settling down for her, she is willing to take him every now and then so I can have time to myself. 

Once I have Kash on a daily schedule/routine, then I should be able to start working out or doing other things. So far it is seeming like we have a bit of a schedule going. He seems to be waking for the day around the same time each day, napping about the same time and eating about the same time. Sometimes bedtime varies a little bit, but something seems to be going on lol! I don't want to jinx it, lol! 

So, I decided to go mostly blonde again last night. I absolutely love it! It feels so nice to have my hair done again. It needed to be cut so badly!! Now I feel good about getting pictures done on Monday evening! Too bad I can't magically lose 60 pounds before then, lol!


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## vickyd

Wow i didnt know that you can go from hypo to hyper or vise versa...Talk about your metabolism being aout of whack!

There must be something wrong with me as a mother...I never have a problem dropping Hero off at my moms lol!! I actually enjoy being away from her while im at work. I need some me time or else i start going stir crazy! It doesnt help thta Hero hardly ever naps during the day and is quite an active baby. She hates being in her car seat or bumbo, she always wants to be up right which is probably why my back is completely fucked up.


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## Jaymes

Hi Mel! Sorry to hear Gord hasn't stepped up... I hope he will soon. Being a single mom sucks! I do it all the time as my dh is always traveling. 
:hug:


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## msarkozi

lol Vicky, nothing is wrong with you. We all need to have time to ourselves. I've never had any issues leaving him with family, but that was the first time leaving him with an actual sitter, so I found it hard lol. 

So I had a call from the clinic last night while I was getting pictures done. Phoned them this morning, and they think I have hypothyroidism now. My count is at 10, where it was at 30 before when they thought it was hyperthyroidism. The doctor she talked to about it yesterday said to increase my meds, and then she seen I'm not on any meds. So she is trying to talk to someone today to figure out what to do with me. I might have to do bloodwork again on Friday to see what happens, and then see the doctor next week. She said something is definitely going on with my thyroid, but she doesn't know what. But it definitely explains why I gained 14 lbs in 3 weeks!!! 

Gord and I actually almost split on the weekend because of another drunked stupor on his part. I told him if he walked out that door, Kash is 100% mine and I am pretty sure the courts would agree. The next day when he woke, everything was perfectly fine. He just doesn't get the fact that he can't go out drinking and come home whenever he pleases. He needs to be a responsible adult!


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## Jaymes

:hug: Sorry to hear that. I hope it all works for the best for you and Kash.


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## youngwife20

so cute! congrats! i was wondering why they induced you before your due date?


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## Jaymes

Just saw Pics on FB!!! They are AH-MAZE-ING!

LOVE <3 them!


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## msarkozi

youngwife - i was induced because i had gestational diabetes, and they thought the baby was going to big (which thankfully he wasn't). They also gave me a choice to wait it out and see what happens, or start the induction, and I said to start it. It was the way to go, otherwise he never would have come out on his own since he was transverse oblique, and once he was out, they thought he was overdue. SO could you imagine if he was left 2-3 more weeks before they induced, and they already thought he was overdue?! I thought of how there could have been complications and no one would have known....so it was a blessing to be induced :)

Thanks Jaymes :hugs: I just don't understand what goes through his mind. At times, I think we need to be separated so he can see what it will be like if we do it for real. He left his facebook open this morning, so when I went to log into mine, I got his instead. So I was reading some of his messages, and I seen a message to one of his friends saying he wanted to have phone sex. I am sure it was just teasing and he didn't mean it, but that was a huge slap in the face to me! You don't EVER talk about having phone sex or sex with someone else, joking or not!! It is no wonder why I feel like I cannot trust him! 

ugh, my stupid keyboard is doing it again.....does anyone know how to fix it, other then closing down what you are in and opening it again.....it is the punctuation, so when you use certain symbols, it does this instead É (Supposed to be question mark)

the pictures do look great! I cannot wait to see the rest of them...hopefully before the weekend. Gord was working, so he missed out on them........Kash so needed a nap though, but he did pretty good.


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## svetayasofiya

Mel you have to change the language settings on your keyboard. Looks like you are on French Canadian. 

Quickie post cause I have a babe on a boob. I've been reading everything though I just never get a chance to post :(. Will try later xo


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## msarkozi

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150382311786393.404716.593866392&l=358a167edb&type=1

Chris, I totally understand that so no worries. It's 6 months later and I can still barely find time to myself to do things I want :)


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## vickyd

Great pics on facebook! So im trying to figure out who Kash looks like....??


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## msarkozi

you know, in the beginning he looked a lot like gord.....but now i am finding he is starting to look more like me. at my grandma's funeral, my aunts and uncles were saying how much kash looks like me when i was a baby as well.


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## Jaymes

It's so nice when someone tells me one of the kids look like me... They are such little clones of their father...

Sorry to hear about the facebook incident with Gord. I agree, so not ok. :hug: I hope it works out for the best.


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## msarkozi

Kash has been sleeping through the night again for the last 4 nights!!! Let's hope this stays!

I had my doctor appointment this morning, and they think I have an auto immune disease and it attacked my thyroid..........and that is why I have gone from hyperthyroidism to hypothyroidism. I had to do more blood work today, and then I will see the doctor again next week and they will then start me on meds for the rest of my life! I will be much happier when I can feel normal again. 

So it was a long weekend here, and every year at this time it is a huge golf tournament for the men. Hole 7 is always set up as the heckle hole, along with food and drinks. I spent 3-4 hours down there in the afternoon on Saturday and Sunday. It was so nice. I basically lost my child once I got there, as everyone else was fighting over him, so it let me have a nice break :) Kash enjoyed all the attention as well. Sunday night, Gord ended up not coming home until 5 am, so I was upset. He texted me at 3:37 am saying he lost track of time and was coming home. 10 minutes later he said he was on his way....we kept texting for another half hour and then he all of a sudden quit. So after a bit I asked him if he was laying in a ditch somewhere, as it does not take that long to get home. I tried calling and everything, and close to 5:00, I was about to pack up Kash out of bed and go looking for him. Finally Gord called me back and told me he fell asleep. So then he got home, and we had an hour and a half talk and it was so nice. It actually felt like us again. He realized some of his comments he made that were in teasing were actually hurtful and he felt bad, and he realizes that he is not easy to get along with, but he loves me and he told me that he was nothing before he met me and now he is someone because of me. We have been getting along great since then, and we are slowly getting back to being us again.


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## vickyd

Mel im really happy to hear you are sorting things out with Gord! Im hoping to hear only good things about him from now on!

Hero has been sleeping better too although shes still rising at 6am...I try to keep her up longer so that she sleeps till 7 at least but its like she has an internal alarm or something!


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## Allie84

I need to go check out these FB pics!!

That's great you and Gord had a heart-to-heart. :) Those are really important sometimes. Also good news that they think they might know what's causing your thyroid issues. I hope you feel normal again with your thyroid really soon!

I remember you being induced...how far along were you? It's interesting they think Kash was already overdue....did you ov earlier than you thought that cycle? I keep thinking of you because I also just got diagnosed with GD! :( I still have the diet information you emailed me (I think you emailed it to me as a good diet to follow while TTC).


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## msarkozi

Yep I emailed it to you Allie :) I hope it helps. It sucks to have the GD, but I found it easy to survive, and I hope you do too. I was 39 weeks + 1 day when they induced me. I really don't know how they thought he was overdue, as they had already my date back to the miscarriage day. He only ended up being 4 days early, but he did have the dry wrinkly skin and that's why they said he was overdue. 

I will be so happy when the thyroid issues are figured out! I just hope if it is auto immune, that it doesn't attack anything else in my body. I'm not sure if that happens or not?! I asked about weight loss too, and the dr said they can give me a higher dose to start with to help shed the weight, so that will be good. I told him how I walk every day, and yet I still gain weight each day. He told me it's the thyroid and not me, so that was good to hear, but still hard when you have 60 pounds to lose. 

I am hoping for good things with Gord too. I am pretty sure he is still going to do things to piss me off......I have a feeling this will only last until the next time kind of thing. But each day has been pleasant and pretty wonderful, so I am going to enjoy it. 

Day 5 of Kash sleeping through the night! woohoo!!! He slept 10.5 hours again and so I went and woke him up. I just need to figure out how to get him to go to bed earlier then 11 pm for the night, especially before I go back to work. I would like it if he went to bed at 8 pm instead. I think it will come, but in time I am sure. 

They are building us a new garage right now, and so it's been pretty noisey outside for a couple weeks now. It's taking them forever to get things done. They have only torn down the old one, and got part of the foundation down. They are finishing with the concrete now. Not sure what is going to be completed first, the garage or us moving into the house?!


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## Sassy_TTC

Hey gorgeous, 

Hope you and Kash are well, sorry I never pop by I alwasy forget you here, how comes you dont have a journal in the parenting section?xx


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## msarkozi

I honestly didn't know that I wasn't in the parenting section, lol! I'm really not on here much anymore.....I just don't find the time. At least with facebook, I can access it easily with my phone, but I can't with this site. 

I have another doctor appointment on Thursday for my thyroid. I did find out my blood work results this afternoon, and it seems like my thyroid is playing games. Now it is looking like it is regulating itself, so I have no idea what the doctor is going to do on Thursday. I am seriously going to bang my head against the wall because this is a pain in the butt. I go from one extreme to the other and have been feeling like crap for months. 

On a happy note, the doctor put in an urgent request for Gord's hernia surgery, and he finally got a call this morning. His surgery is booked for September 30th. He is off of work now until then, and is off for 6 weeks after. So we are going to have to pinch our pennies until he goes back. It's going to be tough for sure.


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## svetayasofiya

10.5hrs of sleep??? :shock: I cant wait for that!!! Hope you feel better soon xo


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## msarkozi

I know! I was so happy when he started sleeping through the night in May, but then it stopped at the end of June.......so when he started again, I was like thank god!!! Unfortunately, with him being sick right now, it's not like that at all. I keep having to wake up all night long cuz the poor guy is having trouble sleeping. I am still sick too, so it's not very fun. His temp came down though this morning, so I think he is on the mend. He never actually had a fever, but it was getting close so I kept a watch on it. He has been very happy all this time though, so I am very fortunate for that. 

I barely slept at all last night though. Gord went out drinking and didn't come home until 9:30 this morning!! He was gone for 14 friggin hours!!! I am beyond pissed! He texted at 3:44 am saying he was going to be home soon....yeah, he has a broad meaning of what soon is! So between being up with Kash, having problems falling asleep, and texting the asshole, I had maybe 4 hours of broken sleep! Shitty thing is, I said I would volunteer to work the voting poll today from 4:00-7:00, so there is no napping for me. Kash went for a nap an hour ago, and so I jumped in the shower and now waiting for him to wake. And I have to leave in less then 3 hours. The asshole is finally sleeping, but now because he is hungover and sleeping, I have to take Kash with me.......I had also asked for his help today with Kash so that I could clean and get rid of all the sick germs in this place....well that's not happening either, so I am mad! 

He asked me if I still loved him and I said no because I wasn't even thinking as to what he was saying. So when he came home, I was like yeah I do love you, but I do not like you at all right now. And I told him that he does this time after time, and if it continues, how does he expect me to put up with it, and it wears on a person to the point that they end up falling out of love with them. He apologized to me a lot in the texts, and I told him his sorry means nothing to me anymore, it's just a word. I said he tells me it every time, and then a week later he is doing it all over again. So I told him if he wants to prove it, then to prove it through actions from now on and not words! 

He has to think too....this is the 4th weekend in a row that he has gone out drinking, and out of those weekends, it has been 7 days...so that's a whole week! All the money that has spent....all the nights of coming home whenever he pleases.....and on top of it, he isn't working!!!!!!! We have no f'ing money for this crap!!! And we have to go away at the end of the month for his surgery and he wants to stay out until after my surgery!! That all costs money, and I have bills to pay as well! 

It's no wonder why I have a friggin headache and am still sick!


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## vickyd

Oh Mel.....Really i cant beleive youre still dealing with this shitty behavior...I have no words of wisdom to offer, im very different to you meaning i only give people a second chance. I know having Kash makes leaving him more difficult, but honestly is he really there as a father?


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## rottpaw

Melissa honey just sending you a hug. I am so sorry about your oh's behavior. I can only imagine how frustrating that is. :hugs::hugs:


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## msarkozi

he really hasn't done anything to get me to forgive him either. I have been distant to him, and he knows I haven't forgiven him either. He has made comments that he needs to change and everything, so we will see what happens


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## svetayasofiya

:hugs:


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## Allie84

Mel I really can't believe his behavior. When you have it all typed out like that it seems so ridiculous that I can't believe he can't see it. :nope: I'm sure you've told him everything you've told us...it just makes sense that it's irresponsible to be out so much spending money with everything going on, AND a baby AND a girlfriend. I mean what is so great about going out....does he feel the need to drink? Like is it maybe a drinking problem you're dealing with? I'm so sorry! You deserve to be treated better!!!!!!!! :growlmad:


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## vickyd

I think we all need to go out and kick back once a week, but its something we should do as a couple. Its important to have a relationship with your partener and not only a parenting one. Why dont you suggest to him that one night a week you get a babysitter and both of you go out and have fun??


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## svetayasofiya

Great suggestion Vicky!


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## msarkozi

There is honestly nothing to do in this small town....so the only thing would be us going to the bar, and he is an asshole to me when he drinks. For occassions, I will go out, but I don't like to just go out and sit at the bar all night and drink. It's a small town, so it's not like big city bars or anything like that with dancing and that kind of stuff.......

Well, he has an addiction problem. He had the gambling addiction, but he isn't doing that anymore.......so he is addicted to smoking, playing video games, and drinking.......it's like he has to replace one thing with the other. 

We just bought a new vehicle the other day, and I told him the only way I was going to do it was if he quit smoking.....he spends at least $100 a week on smokes, and our vehicle payment has now increased over $200 a month....so he needs to give up the smoking. 

He has been making comments that he needs to change and start being an adult, so I really hope he does.......otherwise, this is never going to work. I thought being with an older guy would mean more maturity, but I am way more mature then he is. It drives me crazy. 

Anyway, we leave Thursday for 2.5 weeks. Gord's surgery is on Friday in Grande Prairie, so we are heading there Thursday and then on Saturday we will head to Cold Lake to my parents' place. Then we will stay there for thanksgiving, and so on the 10th, we will go to Red Deer. We are going to stop in Edmonton on the way and go to West Ed Mall for a bit first (yah!!)....then I have my surgery on the 14th, and then we are going to come back home on the 17th. 

I was talking to the housing contractor yesterday while he was here, and the next round of houses are going to be done this week.......so hopefully I get a call while I am gone that I am going to be offered a house....I'm scared that because I am gone, I am going to be bumped on the list, and someone else is going to be offered the house we want, and then we will get one when we get back kind of thing.....I will be so mad if that happens, as there is a certain house we want...if one of the first 3 people pick that one, then nothing we can do about it....but people below us shouldn't be offered a house until we have ours first. Soooooooooooo, I am guessing that we are coming home to having to pack as well and move. Should be fun, not! 

Today is day one of trying to get Kash on a schedule......I really don't think this is going to work. I think he will still be up until whenever he wants to be.....


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## vickyd

Hope the time away helps you guys come closer. Sometimes you just need to get away and recharge!

Good luck with the routine, i really need to get Hero on one...Last night she was up from 3 am to 6am. Im a walking zombie and dont know how ill get throughh this working day. I bought a book that was recommended by a friend to get your baby to sleep through, it involves alot of cio which im not too fond of but im at my wits end...

One final thought about Gords addictive personality. Im also a woman of many vices, i smoke too much and occasionally drink too much as well. Let me tell you that no matter how many times my family tries to get me to quit smoking it never works. You have to want it yourself to do something about it. Not just cause its the right thing to do if you know what i mean....Unless Gord really wants to change no matter how many times you threaten him its not gonna happen.


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## msarkozi

I completely understand that. I've told him many times he has to do it for himself, but even the doctors keep telling him he needs to quit smoking. He is pretty unhealthy, and the surgeon that is going to be doing his surgery on Friday had made it clear to him that if he wants to see his son graduate, then he needs to stop smoking now and start getting healthy. So that's pretty sad that a 36 year old is being told if he doesn't change, he isn't going to be alive in 18 years! 

We were up so much last night too. I really don't think I got any sleep at all. He was in bed just after 9:00, but then he was wide awake an hour and a half later. Luckily he only stayed awake for 45 minutes, but then it was a struggle all night long. At one point I finally put him in bed with me (Gord has been sleeping on the couch), and after a bit I moved him back to his bed. It didn't last long.....then I put him back in bed with me again, and it was tossing and turning all night and waking and everything. We got up at 8:00 this morning, and he had a nap at 10:00 for about 40 minutes only. I want him to go for a nap again now, so hopefully he does, and then awake until bedtime tonight. I think he is teething as his cheeks and chin have been getting quite rosey........I can't wait until teething is all over with...and he hasn't even had any pop through yet!!!!


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## vickyd

No teeth here either...Her gums dont look swollen or red so i dont think shes ready to pop one yet. Last night was pretty good, she went to bed at 10pm and slept through till 06.30. Im sure i woke her up, i had a huge sneezing fit!


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## babable21

thank you for this story


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## msarkozi

Hey there....sorry I haven't been on here for awhile.....

we left on the 29th, and then we just got home on the 17th. Gord had his surgery on the 30th, and well it turned out it wasn't a hernia at all. Thank goodness they only did it laprascopic and not actually cut open. We stopped back at the surgeon's office on the way home, and it sounds like it is just a nerve causing all the problems. they froze the nerve and the pain went away, and once it wore off, the pain was back! So there was talk about cutting the nerve, so we will just have to wait and see what happens. 

I had my laser procedure done on the 14th as well. So not comfortable at all! As if getting a pap is comfortable to begin with, but when you are stuck with that damn speculum for even longer, it's not fun! they froze me in 4 spots, but i still felt a lot of the burning. It felt like forever! They said it took longer as well because the one area wouldn't stop bleeding. I actually went into the clinic yesterday as well because I was pretty sure I had an infection, and I do. 

Kash had to be taken into emerg last friday as well as he was burning up the night before and wasn't himself at all. He was refusing to eat and everything. His throat is red, swollen and sore.....I took him in yesterday to get checked over and the swab came back as not strep throat, so they said it is just a virus doing a number on him. it's funny though that immediately the antibiotic got him back to normal! His throat is still swollen, so I gotta keep giving him tylenol or advil all the time. He finally started eating solids yesterday again though. 

Other then that, the holiday was good. We bought a new bedroom set and a king sized bed!!!! We delayed delivery until november 15th, thinking we were going to be in a house by then (unfortunately they went and bumped us on the list again, so not sure when we will be moving into a house now). So looking forward to when we are sleeping in the new bed though....I really can't share a queen with gord, as he is such a hog! 

When I was at my parents' place visiting, I ended up going to emerg with my friend. Her daughter ended up having a seizure, and as soon as she texted me from the hospital, I went running to be with her. Her husband had just gone to work (camp job) and so she was alone. When she told me the story of what happened, I wanted to cry for her. Madi ended up having what they call a febral (sp?) seizure. She had a low grade temperature and well it caused her to seize (which is apparently very common in kids under 5). So now anytime she has a fever, they have to watch her. How awful

Kash is teething pretty badly lately, and I just wish they would come through already!! He is freaking right now, so I better go......


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## Allie84

I used to work at a nursery with a baby who had febrile seizures....it was very scary! Well, the prospect of it, I never actually saw one.

Glad Gord didn't have a hernia but I hope he finds some relief soon!

YAY for a king sized bed! We could go for one of those ourselves. I hope it makes your sleep much better. :)

Ouch at the freezing...at least it's over and done with. Couldn't they numb you down there with a local anesthetic or something? 

Happy belated Thanksgiving to you. :) How is Kash's teething this weekend?


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## msarkozi

Thank You Allie :) I had a great thanksgiving!

Kash is still not having any teeth break through, so who knows when they are going to come. He is sleeping really well though, and so I am very happy about that. It's so hard for my body to adjust to sleep again though. I get plenty of sleep at night, but yet I still feel like crap. I keep thinking of how I only got 7 hours a night when I was working, and I am getting 9.5 hours now usually, lol! And to think in 4 more months, it is going to be even less as I will be back to work. 

You know, it probably would have been a little more pleasant if a person was knocked out. I though this was going to fix my issue with the pain down there too, but it didn't. 

How are you doing? I can't believe how close you are! You and Nato both should be right away. Are you nervous or anything? It's going to be worth every minute of it as soon as you hold that little guy in your arms. I was thinking earlier how I never thought I would enjoy being a mom this much, but I absolutely love it! There are definitely moments, but there are so many more precious moments (such as holding a sleeping baby in your arms). You are going to love it! And pregnancy looks so great on you as well...I love your bump pictures; you are so radiant :)


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