# do i have to let him stay overnight?



## passengerrach

Do I have to let my LO stay over night at his dads? LO is 2 in march me and FOB have been split up for 5 months now and he keeps pushing for it and I'm just not ready I think my LO will feel abondoned I think he's very confused by the split as it is plus iv had to start working to support him too so his constant is my mum (his nanny) who we live with I'm scared this will confuse him further does anybody know the legal rights about overnight stays as I really want to say no


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## littlekitten8

My sister went through this with her little girl and her solicitor told her that she didn't have to give overnight access until she was 4 years old. This is due to them not being able to communicate their needs well enough before this age. I suggest you seek legal advice. Being a single parent you should be entitled to legal aid. Also alot of solicitors give a free half an hour consultation. Try calling around to find one who will do this and make sure you explain the situation to them. Does he have regular access? Do they have a good relationship? All I can say is go with your gut instinct and if you don't think its a good idea then fight your corner!


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## passengerrach

Thank you for the good advice. yes they have a good relationship and FOB has LO from half 9 in the morning till half 7 in th evening at least 3 days a week while I'm working and I feel he only wants him overnight to spite me aswell


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## RiverSong

Hi, this is being written by my husband who is a law graduate specialised in Family law and Child law and did legal advice work for a while.
You dont have to do anything that you dont want to, even a judge cant make you do something you dont want to but he/she can always hold you in contempt of court.

Generally the courts prefer for couples to work out the details of contact themselves its called the principal of non intervention and the last thing they want to do is start dishing out court orders against people will. Generally they will agree that as the primary carer you are the best person to decide what is in the best interests of your child and this is the key, whatever you decide must be best for the child not you and not dad.

Mediation is the big new thing and if you and the father cant sit down and hammer out an agreement between you, you can refer yourselves to mediation outside of the court system.

To force you to agree to contact overnight called staying contact the father would have to apply to court, there is no legal aid so he would have to pay an upfront court fee of...... £180 last time I did one. Then solicitors costs on top of that, but family judges prefer to hear direct from the parents so solicitors can be a bit of a waste of time in the initial stages.

Also remind your ex that going to court will also mean a review by the court of any maintenance agreement to make sure its adequate.

If you do end up in the court, more probably in judges chambers ( a big office with just you your ex and the judge where the conversation is taped) the judge will most likely ask the Children and Family Court Advisory Service CAFCAS to carry out an investigation and report and they will make appropriate recommendations. This nothing to be afraid of as you can always tell the judge if you disagree with the report and he has to take that into account. 

Personally i would be recommend to a client in your position not to agree to staying contact and offer two single days per week of not longer than 8 hours to be reviewed when the child is 4 yrs old where you might consider alternate weekends. Let your ex pick the days but dont agree to back to back days. It is for your ex to demonstrate he is serious about contact and not just going to dump the child with other members of his family.

If he starts being shitty (sorry) then end all contact until he comes back to the table in a reasonable frame of mind. Remember you have all the cards, you need to use them responsibley but dont be walked over.

**** And if you do get him to agree a contact schedule as Ive described make the price of it that he agrees to you having a residence order for the child in your favour.****

If things start to fall apart and you get lost in your negotiations get down to your Local Citizens Advice Bureau.

Hope this helps and good luck. Pm me if you need anything else xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

keyboard is a little messed up so apologies for bad grammar


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## passengerrach

Please thank your husband for me its so appreciated! That's been a massive help


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## RiverSong

Have done, its no problem!:hugs: X


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## suzanne108

The above info from Riversongs OH is interesting and very useful (to many of us I think) but I find that every trained person I have spoken to seems to tell me something different! I have been told by 3 solicitors now that it is likely my FOB would get overnight access - LO is one in 2 weeks and doesn't even see her dad as often as yours does. 

The information out there is all very very confusing :wacko:


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## Weeplin

I'm going through this too but my ex wants to take lo back down to Hull (250 miles from where I am now!) for god knows how long for a visit so this is really helpful as I have been going mad worrying as ex has had barely any experience looking after lo even when I was with him. So thank you!


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## carolyn_s

that wasnt half useful to me aswell!!! so many thanks!! xx


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## Abiisla11

Hi, does any one have any information on overnight access for a baby? I have heard I can stop him getting over night access to her until she is four. She is currently 14 months, her father never lived with us and she has never stayed over night with him before. He has her twice a week for seven hours at a time. The reason I don't want him to have her over night is because I feel she is too young to understand what is going on and it will disrupt and upset her. And my ex also threatened to kill me and has since threatened my friend and family. I would be so grateful for advice.


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