# How long did you take off work after your miscarriage?



## RoxyRoo

Hi ladies, I had a miscarriage yesterday at 4w6d pregnant :cry: I know I was very early into the pregnancy but after trying for 23 months we are so devastated :nope:

I work in a school as a support worker and I told my boss I was pregnant who was amazing about it. When I rang her yesterday morning to tell her I was cramping/bleeding she told me to go straight to A&E. I told her later on that I had miscarried and I could hear she was so so sad for us too and she told me to take all the time I need. She's just texted me now and said "just to say I'm thinking of you both, keep in touch, take what time you need x"

But my question is, how much time do I need??

I know that's a strange question but I really don't know. Do I stay at home and lie on the sofa crying for days on end, or do I go to work and try and take my mind off it?

Physically, I'm still bleeding heavily but the cramping has eased a little. I also have a major migraine. 

Mentally, I'm numb. I feel drained and very very sad :cry: 

DH and I are trying our best through this but I don't really know what to do. We lit a candle lastnight for our angel and we cuddled in the window and watched the snow fall. We are grieving for what should have been. 

I've just read through this and realised it's just a big jumbled mess :dohh: Sorry, my head's all over the place.. 

How long did you ladies take off work?? xxxx


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## SmileyKez

Hey hun, just thought I'd drop in and offer my sympathies! I mc yesterday, at 7 weeks, also after 23 months of trying! I know how you must be feeling!

Obviously I don't know yet how long I'll be off, I'm on a weeks holiday next week anyway so have told work I'll be back after that but not 100% sure if that will happen! I think you (and me) need to deal with the physical at the moment and then take time to deal with the emotional side of it! Everyone is different and you may need less or more time than me, but someone told me today to let myself grieve and don't rush things!

I am quite calm at the mo but I think that's because today the cramps have been so bad and I think it all came out today, which I think has taken over the sadness in my head!

I really wish u well and hope we both get over this soon! x


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## RoxyRoo

Thank you for your reply, Kez and I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:

I guess I'm just worried that people will think "she was only 5 weeks gone and only knew about it for a week - why does she need so much time off??" 

I know it shouldn't matter what people think but I wonder if they're right? The thing is, I truly am devastated. I think the fact that we tried so hard for so long (which I'm sure you can understand) to have it stolen away so quickly, has made it so hard for me to accept.

Earlier on I was really thinking of going back to work tomorrow, but now I'm thinking that's too soon..


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## grandbleu

So sorry for your loss - I would just take the rest of the week off...I felt much better after the bleeding actually stopped (not perfect but better). That took about 5 days so that would bring you to next Monday. 

I'm so sorry hon - I totally understand the devastation we were in TTC for a long time as well. :hugs:


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## RoxyRoo

Thank you grandbleu, I'm sorry for your loss too :hugs:

Yes, I was thinking of taking the rest of the week off but wondered if work would think I'm taking too long off? But then I guess it only happened yesterday..

I'm so confused at the moment :cry:


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## grandbleu

Your boss knows and told you to take what you need...don't feel guilty or some sort of pressure. If you feel ready and don't want to stay home then by all means go back to work. BUT if you want to just stay at home and not have to deal with people or questions or just want to mourn a little bit by yourself and OH then you should do that...it's only 2 days I can't imagine anyone thinking that's too much time. Good luck with your decision and HUGS!


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## RoxyRoo

That's really helpful, thank you xxx


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## sparkle

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the other ladies. Take the rest of the week off, I went back to work after 3 days and IMO it was too early. I should have taken the week...

I also work in a school and I'm so glad yours are being supportive, mine were less so...

Many hugs xx


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## tali

Sorry for your loss .... You will know when you're ready to go back to work. I work in healthcare and was physically ready after a week but mentally wasn't ready for at least two weeks after my MMC. I still get times where my brain wanders and I force myself to reign my thoughts in.

Everyone is different and we all cope differently. Take what time you need for you. Thinking of you.


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## RoxyRoo

Thank you for your replies.

I've decided I'll probably take the rest of the week off and then see how I feel on Monday. The weird thing is that I feel ok at the moment, but I'm sure that won't last long. The sadness keeps coming over me in waves, I guess it's still sinking in.

I'm sorry to you all for your losses :hugs:


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## nicb26

i had 2 and a half weeks off! feel guilty but my doc signed me off for that time as she felt i wasnt emotionally ready to go back. im back on monday, and my boss has been lovely about it, though i am worried that it might cause bad feeling when i amback. but at the end of the day its just a job. you are the most important thing in all this, so take as much time as you need - esp as your boss has been great about it.

im so sorry for your loss xx


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## RoxyRoo

Thank you nic :hugs:

Yes, you're right, I need to think of me and not my work. I feel like I've hit a big low again :cry: I cried myself to sleep lastnight and have woke up crying too. I don't think I'm as ready as I thought I was.

I'm sorry for your loss, too xxx


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## grandbleu

I'm glad you are home...the sadness is so deep and raw right in the beginning...I found doing simple errands like grocery shopping and going to the bank even too hard...I didn't want to "fake" my emotions but you can't just tell everybody you come in contact with that you just lost a baby either. Nesting at home and just feeling however you want to feel and crying and not putting on make up or a fake smile or dealing with people is what you need right now. :hugs:

PS. It will get better...it won't seem like it will right now but it will.


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## RoxyRoo

grandbleu said:


> I'm glad you are home...the sadness is so deep and raw right in the beginning...I found doing simple errands like grocery shopping and going to the bank even too hard...I didn't want to "fake" my emotions but you can't just tell everybody you come in contact with that you just lost a baby either. Nesting at home and just feeling however you want to feel and crying and not putting on make up or a fake smile or dealing with people is what you need right now. :hugs:
> 
> PS. It will get better...it won't seem like it will right now but it will.

:cry: Thank you xx :hugs:


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## birdiex

I didn't take any time off. I work part-time and go to college. Since nobody knew, I had no sympathy (apart of OH of course), and had to work even while I was still bleeding. It's horrible even now, as my supervisor is four days behind what I would have been, so it's a constant reminder.

If I could do it over, I would have taken a little time out. You and your emotions are the most important thing, only go back when you're ready. You need time to think and grieve :hugs:


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## Angelface

Ive been signed off for a week! But in all honesty I will be asking for another! I'm so heart broken!I don't want to be around people that just think it's natures way! :( I wanna sit in my pjs with my daughter all day eating chocolate and forgetting what's happened for a while!!! :(


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## rtracey80

Im so sorry for your loss x only you will know when your ready to go back to work. when i lost my little one 7 years ago i had 2 weeks off work, but i felt the more i stayed at home with the baby things i had brought it made me feel worse. it helped me to distance myself a little


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