# 9 wks pregnant and "boyfriend" ignores me completely



## surprisebaby

I wondered if this has happened to anyone or does anyone have any thoughts about the situation.

I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) in the middle of August and because my boyfriend lives elsewhere during uni breaks I called him. He just didn't answer the phone so although not ideal I texted him the news that I am pregnant. I texted quite a few times and emailed him, but have not heard any thing from him at all. This was 6 weeks ago. He should be back here now at Uni, but still no contact. I emailed him on Friday and so he might reply this week. I don't know.

I just find it so frustrating not knowing his decisions. Does he want to be involved in the baby's life?, Is he just in shock just now and will come round?, Has he dumped me?

Its so horrible him pretending I don't exist.

I think I could accept whatever he wanted to do, but for him to not have a conversation with me about it. I just find that really hard.

The way I see it just now is that I am single and doing it alone, but I just want him to talk to me.

It is getting to the stage where I think I will contact his parents as I know their business address. Is that a bad idea?

Has anyone else experience this running away or ignoring?


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## suzanne108

What an idiot (him not you!!) 

I do think it takes men longer to come round, I don't know why, must be because we are much more mature ;) !! Seriously, I do think it takes them a while to get their heads round an unplanned pregnancy..but that doesn't excuse the fact that he's ignored you. He probably is in shock...maybe he'll come round I don't know. 

When I found out I was pregnant the FOB was in complete and utter shock. He didn't ignore me but he begged and begged me to get an abortion, I refused and about a week or two later he finally came round after a talking to from his brother! All was good for about 3 weeks then he decided he couldn't do it....and off he went! Well, to be honest it was _kinda_ mutual that we split, but I felt forced into it. Things would never have been the same between us. 

With your FOB...personally I think 6 weeks is plenty time for him to get his head around it. You need to desperately try and get in touch with him...if he tells you that things are over and you have to go it alone, at least you know and you can carry on with your life. You must be so stressed and its really not a good time in your pregnancy to be feeling that way :hugs: he should at least have the decency to explain to you how he is feeling. 

Contacting his parents is an option but I wouldn't do that until you have tried your very hardest to speak with him. Maybe even write to them saying that they have a grandchild on the way, you are letting them know as you don't know if they know or not since FOB has not contacted you or returned calls/texts since you told him. A kinda friendly letter as you don't want to go badmouthing their son - they might turn on you. I'm not sure its the best idea... but I would be tempted to do it - see what other peoples opinions are first. 

Finally, if he has decided he doesn't want to be a part of your lives then try not to worry too much, you WILL cope although the thought of being a single mother is pretty upsetting at first, I've definitely come round to the idea. I read the threads in other sections where people moan about their OHs and I feel lucky I don't have to put up with some of the things they do! And if he comes back apologising and wanting to make a go of things, just be very careful and make sure everything is happening for the right reason. 

Good luck and keep us updated :hugs: xxx


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## shocker

Im sorry your going through this right now and i know what its like.I told my boyfriend that i was pregnant he said get an abortion i said no and he txted me saying it wasnt his because he cant have children (utter crap basically) Then he changed his number and changed the access code to his apartment block.Security wont leave you in without the code.I dont want anything from him but his medical history, i get that he doesnt want anything to do with me or his child and i know its his loss.I genuinly thought he'd come around to be honest but now it looks like my baby will have nothing to do with their daddy.

I left it for a few weeks before i tried to track him down, to give him time to think but even still i havnt been able to get a hold of him so im leaving it now, his parents live abroad aswell.I would find a way to contact him as soon as you can, go to his house or anything you can!! If you can at all leave the parents out if you still cant get to talk to him then go to the parents.

Its really extreemly hurtful when they do this and i have had days where i cry and cry not for my ex but for my baby because their father denies them and wont have anything to do with them.Look after yourself right now and if you have a friend who can help you with this then get them on board.My mum has been very helpful as i havnt felt emotionally strong enough to deal with him and she has taken on the task of tracking him down for the medical history.Hope your ok as i know this is very hard and if you need to talk then pm me anytime :hugs:


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## MissE007

Well, I guess I'm kinda in a similiar-ish postion. My other half has 'dissappeared' too. It's been over a week since I last attempted to contact him and I've stopped trying now. I don't know where he is, what he is thinking, or if he's going to be there for me and the baby. It's nearly 5am and I'm up wondering if he's gonna put his name on the birth certificate or not! 
This is my second pregnancy by a different father the first (my now 3 1/2 year old) was just of much of a mess, but I can blame that partly on my ignorance as a teenager (not that all teens are ignorant hehe!) and I always swore to myself I'd never make this mistake again...I can honestly say I'm devastated and I'm slowly working my way towards the idea that I'm gonna go through this all alone again and as much as I feel for my baby and the future, I miss my OH every single day and I just want to talk to him. It's worse that there was no 'breakup' as such. Just that he's decided to vanish. 

I can understand your frustration. All you can do is keep trying to contact him every so often - 6 weeks is a while, but from past experiance it sounds that by avoiding you he's probably burying his head in the sand. 

I would say, keep trying to get hold of him and save contacting the parents until a little later on. I think it's definitely _essential_ once the baby is born, but for now maybe try to wait a little longer to see if you get some response from him. 

Obviously, I don't have a clue what his personality is like, but I have found that sometimes by contacting family members at an early stage it can drive a wedge between the two parents and cause some resentment - as presumably he wouldn't of told them yet. But at the end of the day, you need to do what your gut is telling you to do. 

Whatever happens just try to stay strong, and remember that you are stronger than you think you are! :hugs:


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## surprisebaby

Thanks Suzanne , I have been finding this situation very stressful.I think I would actually even like it if he contacted me to convince me to get an abortion(well maybe not!!), at least then I would know his views and the waiting would be over. Thanks for writing all that. You made me feel better x

And yeah I will update when and if he ever contacts me!


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## surprisebaby

shocker said:


> Im sorry your going through this right now and i know what its like.I told my boyfriend that i was pregnant he said get an abortion i said no and he txted me saying it wasnt his because he cant have children (utter crap basically) Then he changed his number and changed the access code to his apartment block.Security wont leave you in without the code.I dont want anything from him but his medical history, i get that he doesnt want anything to do with me or his child and i know its his loss.I genuinly thought he'd come around to be honest but now it looks like my baby will have nothing to do with their daddy.
> 
> I left it for a few weeks before i tried to track him down, to give him time to think but even still i havnt been able to get a hold of him so im leaving it now, his parents live abroad aswell.I would find a way to contact him as soon as you can, go to his house or anything you can!! If you can at all leave the parents out if you still cant get to talk to him then go to the parents.
> 
> Its really extreemly hurtful when they do this and i have had days where i cry and cry not for my ex but for my baby because their father denies them and wont have anything to do with them.Look after yourself right now and if you have a friend who can help you with this then get them on board.My mum has been very helpful as i havnt felt emotionally strong enough to deal with him and she has taken on the task of tracking him down for the medical history.Hope your ok as i know this is very hard and if you need to talk then pm me anytime :hugs:

Thanks Shocker. 
Your mum sounds lovely, "taking on the task"! 
Its unbelievable I think (them ignoring us; can't believe yours changed his number and security code!). i think it's making me become a bit crazy and stalkerish. Like I want to turn up after his lecture and catch him out! Or write a letter to his parents telling them I'm pregnant. I feel stupid writing these texts and emails and never getting any replies! I did give up for three weeks and then tried contacting again, but I just need some closure. If it were just me and him I would leave it, but since we have a baby on the way, there are decisions to be made. i am ok, but i do find it difficult to deal with him ignoring me being pregnant. Thanks I prob will pm at some point. xxx


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## surprisebaby

MissE007 said:


> Well, I guess I'm kinda in a similiar-ish postion. My other half has 'dissappeared' too. It's been over a week since I last attempted to contact him and I've stopped trying now. I don't know where he is, what he is thinking, or if he's going to be there for me and the baby. It's nearly 5am and I'm up wondering if he's gonna put his name on the birth certificate or not!
> This is my second pregnancy by a different father the first (my now 3 1/2 year old) was just of much of a mess, but I can blame that partly on my ignorance as a teenager (not that all teens are ignorant hehe!) and I always swore to myself I'd never make this mistake again...I can honestly say I'm devastated and I'm slowly working my way towards the idea that I'm gonna go through this all alone again and as much as I feel for my baby and the future, I miss my OH every single day and I just want to talk to him. It's worse that there was no 'breakup' as such. Just that he's decided to vanish.
> 
> I can understand your frustration. All you can do is keep trying to contact him every so often - 6 weeks is a while, but from past experiance it sounds that by avoiding you he's probably burying his head in the sand.
> 
> I would say, keep trying to get hold of him and save contacting the parents until a little later on. I think it's definitely _essential_ once the baby is born, but for now maybe try to wait a little longer to see if you get some response from him.
> 
> Obviously, I don't have a clue what his personality is like, but I have found that sometimes by contacting family members at an early stage it can drive a wedge between the two parents and cause some resentment - as presumably he wouldn't of told them yet. But at the end of the day, you need to do what your gut is telling you to do.
> 
> Whatever happens just try to stay strong, and remember that you are stronger than you think you are! :hugs:

Thanks,

just wondered how did you tell him you were pregnant? Did you tell him face to face? I am also a single parent already and I can relate with your feeling that we sort of just shouldn't have let it happen again. My children are 14 and 10 and I am 32.

I think my gut says not to tell his parents although some days I think the opposite. i feel really he should be the one to tell them. However if he doesn't speak to me at all and i have given birth I think I would definitely contact them because they have a right to know they have a grandchild.

I'm pretty much the same as you. i am gutted that he has decided to end things without even having a discussion with me. i would quite happily have commited seriously to him yet he obviously doesn't see me in that way.

Another thing, I find it hard to imagine why a man who gets a woman pregnant wouldn't even want to see the child when its born. I wonder if that will happen to me? I also think about the birth certificate. Does the father have to be there for you to put his name down? I would want to put his name on the certificate but use my surname for the baby.
xxx


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## EternalRose

Hi Surprisebaby, I just wanted to send you some hugs, :hugs: Ive never gone through this situation but I just wanted to say that you are all very strong ladies on this thread and you need to feel proud of yourselves for that. These " boys " dont know what its like to be a real man and step up, so id feel sorry for them. They will end up miserable, how they sleep at night I dont know. How old is your partner surprisebaby? Has he changed his number? Thats awful behaviour, do you know what uni he is at as you could go straight to the university and demand to see him as " the father of your child " Id probably try that if I was in this situation. Too all the other ladies on this thread, who have disappearing partners Im sure the CSA could help? https://www.csa.gov.uk/en/maintenance/ Might be worthwhile having a read on the site or giving them a call and see what there advice would be. It gets me so angry because if this happened in the states there ass could be sent to jail if they refused to pay any child support!


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## surprisebaby

Thanks EternalRose,

He is 21 and yes I know what university he goes to. I actually pass it most days, because it is on the way to the centre of town and near my son's school, so I feel it's only a matter of time till we bump into each other. He hasn't changed his mobile number as far as I'm aware, but unfortunately I deleted it at one point (about 4 weeks ago) because I wanted it to be him that contacted me and not me chasing him. I only have his email address. I no longer no where he lives because he has got new accomodation for this year.

Gosh I can't imagine going to the university and saying that, I wouldn't know who to say it to for a start!! An idea was to find out his timetable and see what lectures he has and meet him outside. Although this seems a good idea in theory it kind of also freaks me out, if I could deal with such an intense situation cos he'll be with his friends perhaps or might just be horrible to me (Not that he has ever been horrible to me in the past. Quite the opposite. Has always been really charming and polite.) But maybe I should just be brave and do it!

I did send him an email on Friday. just asking him to get in contact and told him my scan date etc and said he could come along.. I also said that I might if he doesn't contact me very soon have no choice but to go through his parents!! (a little bit of a threat there!!!). So hopefully the thought of that happening makes him contact me as the nicer option.

Anyway I shall keep the thread posted of new news!
xx


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## EternalRose

surprisebaby said:


> Thanks EternalRose,
> 
> He is 21 and yes I know what university he goes to. I actually pass it most days, because it is on the way to the centre of town and near my son's school, so I feel it's only a matter of time till we bump into each other. He hasn't changed his mobile number as far as I'm aware, but unfortunately I deleted it at one point (about 4 weeks ago) because I wanted it to be him that contacted me and not me chasing him. I only have his email address. I no longer no where he lives because he has got new accomodation for this year.
> 
> Gosh I can't imagine going to the university and saying that, I wouldn't know who to say it to for a start!! An idea was to find out his timetable and see what lectures he has and meet him outside. Although this seems a good idea in theory it kind of also freaks me out, if I could deal with such an intense situation cos he'll be with his friends perhaps or might just be horrible to me (Not that he has ever been horrible to me in the past. Quite the opposite. Has always been really charming and polite.) But maybe I should just be brave and do it!
> 
> I did send him an email on Friday. just asking him to get in contact and told him my scan date etc and said he could come along.. I also said that I might if he doesn't contact me very soon have no choice but to go through his parents!! (a little bit of a threat there!!!). So hopefully the thought of that happening makes him contact me as the nicer option.
> 
> Anyway I shall keep the thread posted of new news!
> xx


Hun, as for the meeting him at uni thing I was talking from my point of view, confrontation doesnt really worry me. I can be quite scary sometimes :blush: but I think this silent rubbish he is giving you needs to stop. He has had his vacation, its now time for him to man up. Im so GLAD you have his parents number, I would just call them right now hun. He cant just carry on thinking this baby will go away! xxx :hugs:


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## MissE007

surprisebaby said:


> Thanks,
> 
> just wondered how did you tell him you were pregnant? Did you tell him face to face? I am also a single parent already and I can relate with your feeling that we sort of just shouldn't have let it happen again. My children are 14 and 10 and I am 32.
> 
> I think my gut says not to tell his parents although some days I think the opposite. i feel really he should be the one to tell them. However if he doesn't speak to me at all and i have given birth I think I would definitely contact them because they have a right to know they have a grandchild.
> 
> I'm pretty much the same as you. i am gutted that he has decided to end things without even having a discussion with me. i would quite happily have commited seriously to him yet he obviously doesn't see me in that way.
> 
> Another thing, I find it hard to imagine why a man who gets a woman pregnant wouldn't even want to see the child when its born. I wonder if that will happen to me? I also think about the birth certificate. Does the father have to be there for you to put his name down? I would want to put his name on the certificate but use my surname for the baby.
> xxx

I honestly think it is mostly unusual for a man to not acknowledge his own child at all. I know of many crappy dads, but most do make some effort even if it is nowhere near good enough! Even out of curiousity I would say your OH will most likely make an appearance at some stage - but he really needs to be confronted with the situation at some point so he can't keep ignoring it. Which is why at some stage his parents will have to be involved IMO. 

With this pregnancy and my new partner I also told him on the phone because he was sick and I couldn't see him face to face. His reaction was shocked, very shocked and that I should have an abortion, although he didn't say it in those words. He said he had other kids (who he had never mentioned) that it was just sex, that he would 'help' me, etc etc - and I'm pretty sure most of that was just a tactic to get me to have an abortion. 

We had another conversation after that where he said that he was stressed, we needed to talk, we arranged to meet - he didn't turn up - and then that was it! Gone. Since then he hasn't replied to calls nor texts and - I just felt like I was going mad trying to get some acknowledgement out of him. Just anything. 

I'm pretty sure he is still using the same number but now I've deleted it just out of annoyance that I've called him so many times and tried so hard. In this case I'm helpless and I feel there's nothing I can do unless he wants to come around to the reality of the situation. In my heart, I genuinely do think and hope that he will but that he needs more time. However, whether I will forgive him if he leaves it much longer is another matter. 

As for the birth certificate - as far as I know you are not able to put the father's details on it if they are not present. If he does come along you can keep your own surname with his details etc. 

I really hope it all works out for you, keep ya head up. xxx


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## surprisebaby

EternalRose

You are so right. I am going to phone them tomorrow. I'm absolutely sick of this situation. I think I need to resolve it this week. I think I will call the parent's business number at 10.00 tomorrow. Hopefully one of his parents answers. Not sure how many people work there. x


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## shocker

surprisebaby said:


> shocker said:
> 
> 
> Im sorry your going through this right now and i know what its like.I told my boyfriend that i was pregnant he said get an abortion i said no and he txted me saying it wasnt his because he cant have children (utter crap basically) Then he changed his number and changed the access code to his apartment block.Security wont leave you in without the code.I dont want anything from him but his medical history, i get that he doesnt want anything to do with me or his child and i know its his loss.I genuinly thought he'd come around to be honest but now it looks like my baby will have nothing to do with their daddy.
> 
> I left it for a few weeks before i tried to track him down, to give him time to think but even still i havnt been able to get a hold of him so im leaving it now, his parents live abroad aswell.I would find a way to contact him as soon as you can, go to his house or anything you can!! If you can at all leave the parents out if you still cant get to talk to him then go to the parents.
> 
> Its really extreemly hurtful when they do this and i have had days where i cry and cry not for my ex but for my baby because their father denies them and wont have anything to do with them.Look after yourself right now and if you have a friend who can help you with this then get them on board.My mum has been very helpful as i havnt felt emotionally strong enough to deal with him and she has taken on the task of tracking him down for the medical history.Hope your ok as i know this is very hard and if you need to talk then pm me anytime :hugs:
> 
> Thanks Shocker.
> Your mum sounds lovely, "taking on the task"!
> Its unbelievable I think (them ignoring us; can't believe yours changed his number and security code!). i think it's making me become a bit crazy and stalkerish. Like I want to turn up after his lecture and catch him out! Or write a letter to his parents telling them I'm pregnant. I feel stupid writing these texts and emails and never getting any replies! I did give up for three weeks and then tried contacting again, but I just need some closure. If it were just me and him I would leave it, but since we have a baby on the way, there are decisions to be made. i am ok, but i do find it difficult to deal with him ignoring me being pregnant. Thanks I prob will pm at some point. xxxClick to expand...

I totally know what you mean about feeling stalkerish!! I mean fob changed his number and security code and i remember last week just sitting outside his apartment like an absoloute freak having to go out to his place and even ended up trying to convince security i was looking to buy one of the apartments so could i come in and have a look at the complex so i could knock on his door and catch him off gaurd but they didnt buy it.I've given up on that now its too stressful and makes me feel like a total nutter!! I think your right to call his parents, at least your going to know his stance, good or bad you'll know where you stand. Good luck with it and keep us updated :hugs:


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## EternalRose

surprisebaby said:


> EternalRose
> 
> You are so right. I am going to phone them tomorrow. I'm absolutely sick of this situation. I think I need to resolve it this week. I think I will call the parent's business number at 10.00 tomorrow. Hopefully one of his parents answers. Not sure how many people work there. x

Let us know how you get on hun, his vacation is over now! xx


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## suzanne108

Let us know how you get on! 

I was going to suggest calling his parents and asking them for his number, but if you've already contacted them I hope it went well :hugs: 

xxx


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## McLovin

surprisebaby said:


> MissE007 said:
> 
> 
> Well, I guess I'm kinda in a similiar-ish postion. My other half has 'dissappeared' too. It's been over a week since I last attempted to contact him and I've stopped trying now. I don't know where he is, what he is thinking, or if he's going to be there for me and the baby. It's nearly 5am and I'm up wondering if he's gonna put his name on the birth certificate or not!
> This is my second pregnancy by a different father the first (my now 3 1/2 year old) was just of much of a mess, but I can blame that partly on my ignorance as a teenager (not that all teens are ignorant hehe!) and I always swore to myself I'd never make this mistake again...I can honestly say I'm devastated and I'm slowly working my way towards the idea that I'm gonna go through this all alone again and as much as I feel for my baby and the future, I miss my OH every single day and I just want to talk to him. It's worse that there was no 'breakup' as such. Just that he's decided to vanish.
> 
> I can understand your frustration. All you can do is keep trying to contact him every so often - 6 weeks is a while, but from past experiance it sounds that by avoiding you he's probably burying his head in the sand.
> 
> I would say, keep trying to get hold of him and save contacting the parents until a little later on. I think it's definitely _essential_ once the baby is born, but for now maybe try to wait a little longer to see if you get some response from him.
> 
> Obviously, I don't have a clue what his personality is like, but I have found that sometimes by contacting family members at an early stage it can drive a wedge between the two parents and cause some resentment - as presumably he wouldn't of told them yet. But at the end of the day, you need to do what your gut is telling you to do.
> 
> Whatever happens just try to stay strong, and remember that you are stronger than you think you are! :hugs:
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> just wondered how did you tell him you were pregnant? Did you tell him face to face? I am also a single parent already and I can relate with your feeling that we sort of just shouldn't have let it happen again. My children are 14 and 10 and I am 32.
> 
> I think my gut says not to tell his parents although some days I think the opposite. i feel really he should be the one to tell them. However if he doesn't speak to me at all and i have given birth I think I would definitely contact them because they have a right to know they have a grandchild.
> 
> I'm pretty much the same as you. i am gutted that he has decided to end things without even having a discussion with me. i would quite happily have commited seriously to him yet he obviously doesn't see me in that way.
> 
> Another thing, I find it hard to imagine why a man who gets a woman pregnant wouldn't even want to see the child when its born. I wonder if that will happen to me? I also think about the birth certificate. Does the father have to be there for you to put his name down? I would want to put his name on the certificate but use my surname for the baby.
> xxxClick to expand...

The father does have to be there to have his name on the certificate. I really would advise against putting it on there anyway if I was you..... you never know when they will decide to change their' minds and if they have the name on the birth certificate... they have more right to come and go as they please..... causing a lot of disruption to your child's life xxx


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## McLovin

good luck with the parents... I was going to suggest callinga nd arranging to meet with the mum? let us know how you got on? x


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## surprisebaby

Hi everyone,

I finally plucked up the courage to make the call. It was difficult to know which number to use as the business is not just one place but two. And I just had to pick one of the two numbers. Anyway I just called 5 mins ago and a cheerful assistant answered the call. I asked to speak to mr xxxxx (FOB's dad). But he wasn't there. Apparently he won't be in till Saturday, but will be there all day!! He asked if he could help me, but I said it was a personal issue. I sounded so mysterious. I said not to bother leaving a message. Another horrible problem is that I think both FOB and share the same first name. Can you imagine if I called on Saturday it was actually FOB. Cos I know he does work at his dad's business during uni breaks. Well I don't think there is one due so it should safely be his dad for real.

I figured out that his mum doesn't work there, thanks to some google searching. I feel a little bit like a private detective catching a criminal. So I will try on Saturday!!!!!!


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## suzanne108

Oooooo if FOB answers on saturday then that'll be even better :)

Would the receptionist not be able to give you FOBs mobile number? xx


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## surprisebaby

MissE007 said:


> surprisebaby said:
> 
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> just wondered how did you tell him you were pregnant? Did you tell him face to face? I am also a single parent already and I can relate with your feeling that we sort of just shouldn't have let it happen again. My children are 14 and 10 and I am 32.
> 
> I think my gut says not to tell his parents although some days I think the opposite. i feel really he should be the one to tell them. However if he doesn't speak to me at all and i have given birth I think I would definitely contact them because they have a right to know they have a grandchild.
> 
> I'm pretty much the same as you. i am gutted that he has decided to end things without even having a discussion with me. i would quite happily have commited seriously to him yet he obviously doesn't see me in that way.
> 
> Another thing, I find it hard to imagine why a man who gets a woman pregnant wouldn't even want to see the child when its born. I wonder if that will happen to me? I also think about the birth certificate. Does the father have to be there for you to put his name down? I would want to put his name on the certificate but use my surname for the baby.
> xxx
> 
> It's strange actually because this situation is like a combination of both experiances I've had. With my first pregnancy 4 years ago, I actually told my ex on the phone and he hung up. That was it. Then he vanished into thin air, changed his number, moved house - wouldn't communicate with me at all and in the end I wrote to his brother's business address (who he is very close to - their mother died a while ago) basically informing him of the situation so my ex couldn't hide it from the entire family. In the end I got no response although I wasn't really expecting one seeing as he was not a grandparent etc - I heard that he did take it up with my ex, but in the end chose to let us sort out our differences (!). But at least he knows my son exists and that kinda satisfied me slightly. Since then I have tried to contact my ex on Facebook - and he just ignores me. All these years later and I'm resigned to the fact that he is never going to even acknowledge my son but I have bent over backwards to make sure if and when my son attempts to contact his family it will not come as some bolt out of the blue to them.
> 
> As far as whether this will happen to you, I honestly think it is mostly unusual for a man to not acknowledge his own child at all. I know of many crappy dads, but most do make some effort even if it is nowhere near good enough! Even out of curiousity I would say your OH will most likely make an appearance at some stage - but he really needs to be confronted with the situation at some point so he can't keep ignoring it. Which is why at some stage his parents will have to be involved IMO.
> 
> With this pregnancy and my new partner I also told him on the phone because he was sick and I couldn't see him face to face. His reaction was shocked, very shocked and that I should have an abortion, although he didn't say it in those words. He said he had other kids (who he had never mentioned) that it was just sex, that he would 'help' me, etc etc - and I'm pretty sure most of that was just a tactic to get me to have an abortion.
> 
> We had another conversation after that where he said that he was stressed, we needed to talk, we arranged to meet - he didn't turn up - and then that was it! Gone. Since then he hasn't replied to calls nor texts and - I just felt like I was going mad trying to get some acknowledgement out of him. Just anything.
> 
> I'm pretty sure he is still using the same number but now I've deleted it just out of annoyance that I've called him so many times and tried so hard. In this case I'm helpless and I feel there's nothing I can do unless he wants to come around to the reality of the situation. In my heart, I genuinely do think and hope that he will but that he needs more time. However, whether I will forgive him if he leaves it much longer is another matter.
> 
> As for the birth certificate - as far as I know you are not able to put the father's details on it if they are not present. If he does come along you can keep your own surname with his details etc.
> 
> I really hope it all works out for you, keep ya head up. xxxClick to expand...

Thanks MissE007,

Your situations have been so similar to this one. I really appreciate you telling me about them. And I'm sorry to hear you're going through this too, but at the same time it makes me feel better someone understands how it feels to be in this situation. :hugs: xxx


----------



## surprisebaby

suzanne108 said:


> Oooooo if FOB answers on saturday then that'll be even better :)
> 
> Would the receptionist not be able to give you FOBs mobile number? xx

It wasn't a receptionist. But a sales assistant. The business is two big shops. I don't think they would be allowed to give out a mobile number. And I am too scared to phone back! I am going to wait till Saturday. Thats all I can manage. It took me all day just to make that call!! But I feel good thinking I can talk to FOB's dad on Saturday. x


----------



## babybaillie

Good luck with that. Going through a kinds similar situation myself. Why do we let these men do this to us. Hope everything works out for u xx


----------



## woadie

babybaillie said:


> Good luck with that. Going through a kinds similar situation myself. Why do we let these men do this to us. Hope everything works out for u xx

We don't let them.... there are just some very very bad men out there who themselves have been raised with zero social moral fibre or conscience, spoiled and used to having their lives to live and trample all over others.

There are a whole generation of mothers out there who deserve to hang their heads in shame at raising their sons to be like this. I am ashamed to be female and know that other women out there have set such low standards for their sons.

If my child is a boy I will make sure that if he *ever *does this to a women he will be no son of mine.

It's disgusting.

Sorry, rant over and (((hugs))) to all the women here who have been victims of these selfish ugly irresponsible thoughtless nasty sh*ts who call themselves 'men'... real men don't behave like this!


----------



## suzanne108

In reply to woadies comments....

You want to meet my FOBs mother......vile is one word for her! She seems nice, looks the nice friendly MIL but noooooooooooo, she is a horrid nasty woman. 

And has had the cheek to send me a birthday card today telling me that she is there for "support" if I ever need her. It'll be sad times for me if things get so bad that I need her!!!!!!!! 

Rant over....... hehe xx


----------



## surprisebaby

:cake:Happy Birthday Suzanne

Sorry to hear you FOB's mum is a :witch:. I know witch stands for period on the Babyandbump forum, but I didn't know what other picture to use...

Hey I appreciate everyones comments and opinions and stories so far. I am dreading calling my FOB's dad on Saturday. I might chicken out and send a letter, but hopefully I'll be brave enough to call.


----------



## suzanne108

Hehe thanks surprisebaby :)

That picture suits her fine :haha: 

xxx


----------



## BrightonsMa

Im sure alot of it he is really shocked, and guys have a d bag way of dealing with important things! My daughters father was nothing but not supportive my whole pregancy always going out never bringing me never being there for me when i was upset about being pregnant. just over all making me feel like a sh***y person. anyways i belive that he will come around when that baby is born untill tehn be prepared for a really ugly and not fun road.. and to tell you the truth at this point while your pregnant you really cany force him to be there for you untill the baby is born.. then the joke is on him he will feel like the biggest peice of poop after.. at least i know david does right now.. good luck hunny hang in there!!


----------



## surprisebaby

Just made the call to FOB's dad. So nervewracking. Spoke to his dad. and told him I am pregnant. He didn't give much away. I don't know if he knew already or not because, he was not answering properly. I think because there were other people around. He said he would get FOB to call me, but would wait for FOB to get in touch with him first. A bit weird. I give him my mobile number. I think he was acting really strange. Not giving anything away.


----------



## babybaillie

Oh hes prob wantin his version of d story 1st b4 saying anything.

How u feeling now?


----------



## suzanne108

surprisebaby said:


> Just made the call to FOB's dad. So nervewracking. Spoke to his dad. and told him I am pregnant. He didn't give much away. I don't know if he knew already or not because, he was not answering properly. I think because there were other people around. He said he would get FOB to call me, but would wait for FOB to get in touch with him first. A bit weird. I give him my mobile number. I think he was acting really strange. Not giving anything away.


Well done for making the call :hugs: how many times did you start to dial the number before you actually let it ring?! Or did you take the bull by the horns and do it first time?! 

I think the only problem with contacting parents is that they're more than likely gonna be on his side, which you can't blame them for. They might not agree with what he's done but they'll probably stick up for him. I can't say for definite....I just think its what parents are for, to stick by you through think and thin!!! So don't be surprised or worried if they do side with him in the end. 

At least they know....he was maybe in shock and as someone else said - he might be waiting to hear FOBs side of the story! 

Well done and good luck...keep us updated again!! xx


----------



## surprisebaby

babybaillie said:


> Oh hes prob wantin his version of d story 1st b4 saying anything.
> 
> How u feeling now?

kinda really emtional. I just worry that FOB's dad already knew that I am pregnant and will just ignore me just like his son is doing, and that I won't get an answer from FOB about whether he wants to be involved with the baby or not.

I suppose I am probably just going to have face that I will be bringing up my baby without him/her having a dad which is a shame. It just doesn't feel nice the thought of going to the scan next week and FOB won't be there, and when the baby is born he won't be my birth partner. I think I'll just feel like somethings missing. xx


----------



## surprisebaby

Suzanne

It took me from 9am till 10.45 am to make the call. I got my sister to make me a real coffee (for confidence!) and then at 10.45 I just picked up the phone and called straight away. I couldn't believe it when it was him who answered the phone.
I just wonder if he will contact FOB tonight. I thought about warning FOB but I decided it was best if FOB got a surprise! :devil:
x


----------



## EternalRose

Im so glad you made the phonecall surprisebaby, his father HAS to say something it is his grandchild at the end of the day! xxxx


----------



## woadie

Hey well done... that took real courage, you should be really proud of yourself.

Okay, best case scenario I hope FOB is given a right roasting. I just cannot imagine 95% of families turning around and saying 'hey we've got a new life who is related to us out there....nah we can't be bothered to have anything to do with it and we'll never ever wonder about it'... it's just not the done thing...

If you're unlucky enough that FOB's family are that other 5% like my FOBs family are. then hell,would you want a family like that having anything to do with raising your child? Imagine how they would treat it,the morals they would instill, the heartache as they selfishly ignored your child unless it suited them. In which case, it might hurt a bit right now but ultimately there will be a man out there who will want to be a daddy to your LO and his family will welcome your LO in with open arms... and that is what you want.

((hugs))


----------



## surprisebaby

A small update. I found another way to contact him. I emailed his uni account which I have never done before. I wrote an email saying lots of stuff. maybe stuff I shouldn't have said. I told him I thought he had treated me really badly and was acting like a coward. and that ignoring me wasn't acceptable. I said I didn't want that much, just to know if he wanted to be involved with the baby or not. I said he would have to give me a decision by Wednesday.I also mentioned that I had contacted his dad!! oh dear.


----------



## MissE007

So in my opinion as harsh as this may sound I think you've done all you can for the moment and you have to try not to contact him for a while in any shape or form. 

I think some people depending on their personality - when they feel backed into a corner they run further away. Although it can be a pain in the butt, sometimes leaving space and plenty of it can be the best way to get them to come forward. 

Frustrating as it may be, you can be certain by now that he has at least some inkling that you are trying to contact him to discuss the baby. If doesn't respond soon, then your only option is to just wait it out until he does - and personally from hearing your story, I think there is a likelihood he will - but the question is when? - and that is what is most irritating.

In the meantime I think you just need to focus on yourself and the baby.


----------



## surprisebaby

MissE007 said:


> So in my opinion as harsh as this may sound I think you've done all you can for the moment and you have to try not to contact him for a while in any shape or form.
> 
> I think some people depending on their personality - when they feel backed into a corner they run further away. Although it can be a pain in the butt, sometimes leaving space and plenty of it can be the best way to get them to come forward.
> 
> Frustrating as it may be, you can be certain by now that he has at least some inkling that you are trying to contact him to discuss the baby. If doesn't respond soon, then your only option is to just wait it out until he does - and personally from hearing your story, I think there is a likelihood he will - but the question is when? - and that is what is most irritating.
> 
> In the meantime I think you just need to focus on yourself and the baby.

I hear what you are saying, but I did give him over 3 1/2 weeks of space where I did not contact him. And it was driving me crazy. For my own sanity I just want this sorted out this week and I don't care if it puts me in worse position or not. I just want to move on in whatever way. I cannot let this rest until it's resolved and I think that'll happen this week.
I agree I am pushing a response, but I am not asking for much, just to know his decision about the baby. I feel so much better after writing the email, I really do. I am doing this so I can just focus on me and the baby.


----------



## MissE007

I really do know how you feel though - I guess that's my 'sensible side' talking. Argh! I haven't heard from the father of my baby either. I am seriously fighting myself not to contact him 100 times and just give him an earful. In fact I know I probably will before the night is over! I am not a very patient lady!


----------



## surprisebaby

MissE007 said:


> I really do know how you feel though - I guess that's my 'sensible side' talking. Argh! I haven't heard from the father of my baby either. I am seriously fighting myself not to contact him 100 times and just give him an earful. In fact I know I probably will before the night is over! I am not a very patient lady!

So when was the last time you heard from him? I think I remember reading that you spoke twice on the phone and then arranged to meet up and then he failed to show. How long ago was all that? 

I think it would help to see him in person. Is there anyway you could just to get closure? I think you're wrong. I think you have been very patient. Maybe too patient. I think it's worrying you say he has kids you didn't know about. I wonder if it's kids he doesn't see?

I think getting closure is good and then you can move on. Why should closure be once you give birth. I mean thats quite a while away. Why should we wait that long to know where we stand?


----------



## MissE007

surprisebaby said:


> MissE007 said:
> 
> 
> I really do know how you feel though - I guess that's my 'sensible side' talking. Argh! I haven't heard from the father of my baby either. I am seriously fighting myself not to contact him 100 times and just give him an earful. In fact I know I probably will before the night is over! I am not a very patient lady!
> 
> So when was the last time you heard from him? I think I remember reading that you spoke twice on the phone and then arranged to meet up and then he failed to show. How long ago was all that?
> 
> I think it would help to see him in person. Is there anyway you could just to get closure? I think you're wrong. I think you have been very patient. Maybe too patient. I think it's worrying you say he has kids you didn't know about. I wonder if it's kids he doesn't see?
> 
> I think getting closure is good and then you can move on. Why should closure be once you give birth. I mean thats quite a while away. Why should we wait that long to know where we stand?Click to expand...

Any update from you?

As far as mine goes I did end up getting hold of fob the night I posted. He more or less told me that I choose either the baby or him - so I guess there's no choice there.


----------



## Mariah

Hello There,
Congrats on your pregnancy!! I totally understand what you are going through..I am too nine weeks pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend or ex... dont know anymore..for about three years. He is currently in paramedic school and feels that he can't be there for me. He tells me time after time that he doesn't want the baby!! It makes me feel so sad! I love him, and want him to be a part of our lives..I have been trying to work things out with him...not working!!! I love him, and want to be with him.. I am so confused that I even thought about having a abortion..its too late though, and I do love my baby. Have you decided on what to do about the baby?? Are you close to his parents? If you aren't, I wouldn't approach them. Keep trying to get hold of him. How about telling one of his closest friends that you trust?? Keep up the faith..DON'T GIVE UP!!! Also have a close support system. Good luck!!!

Mariah


----------



## surprisebaby

MissE007 said:


> surprisebaby said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MissE007 said:
> 
> 
> I really do know how you feel though - I guess that's my 'sensible side' talking. Argh! I haven't heard from the father of my baby either. I am seriously fighting myself not to contact him 100 times and just give him an earful. In fact I know I probably will before the night is over! I am not a very patient lady!
> 
> So when was the last time you heard from him? I think I remember reading that you spoke twice on the phone and then arranged to meet up and then he failed to show. How long ago was all that?
> 
> I think it would help to see him in person. Is there anyway you could just to get closure? I think you're wrong. I think you have been very patient. Maybe too patient. I think it's worrying you say he has kids you didn't know about. I wonder if it's kids he doesn't see?
> 
> I think getting closure is good and then you can move on. Why should closure be once you give birth. I mean thats quite a while away. Why should we wait that long to know where we stand?Click to expand...
> 
> Any update from you?
> 
> As far as mine goes I did end up getting hold of fob the night I posted. He more or less told me that I choose either the baby or him - so I guess there's no choice there.Click to expand...

How do you feel now about it all? I am glad you managed to get through to him. You're right it's not a choice. But at least you know what he is thinking and what he has decided. i hope it helps in some way.

I haven't heard from my FOB at all. He didn't reply by Wednesday. His dad never called me back. Just nothing at all. Suppose in a way that is my answer, he doesn't want to be involved. I feel really angry about him hiding. I really want him to be on the birth certificate and i can see now that I might have to go to court to get it done. I am going to email scan photos and I might get the 4d baby scan done so he can see what his baby looks like before he/she is born. I just really want my child to have his/her father in his/her life.
Thanks for asking about news. It kind of helps reporting in this thread. I don't know why! xx


----------



## surprisebaby

Mariah said:


> Hello There,
> Congrats on your pregnancy!! I totally understand what you are going through..I am too nine weeks pregnant. I have been with my boyfriend or ex... dont know anymore..for about three years. He is currently in paramedic school and feels that he can't be there for me. He tells me time after time that he doesn't want the baby!! It makes me feel so sad! I love him, and want him to be a part of our lives..I have been trying to work things out with him...not working!!! I love him, and want to be with him.. I am so confused that I even thought about having a abortion..its too late though, and I do love my baby. Have you decided on what to do about the baby?? Are you close to his parents? If you aren't, I wouldn't approach them. Keep trying to get hold of him. How about telling one of his closest friends that you trust?? Keep up the faith..DON'T GIVE UP!!! Also have a close support system. Good luck!!!
> 
> Mariah

i definitely keeping my baby. I decided when I got the positive result that I was having my child whether fOB was going to be there or not. I have already approached his dad. Don't know if it helped or not. But I feel better that it won't be a secret. I don't know his friends at all. We only met up together, just me and him. congrats on your pregnancy too. At least your guy is speaking to you!! :) I hope he comes round. My FOB is at Law school and he is a workaholic, so he probably thinks something similar, that he doesn't have time for a baby. Well too bad he's going to have one!! I too just really want to make things to work with him and i miss him. I just hope he gets over the fear and shock and comes back to me!!! I am going to try and be positive about my situation and try and enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and try not to stress as much.

xxx


----------



## surprisebaby

Ok the latest news is that there isn't any really. I feel like a crazy stalker even though I am not going to places to find him. I just feel my mindset is one of an obsessed stalker where I have to somehow catch him out or work out what he is thinking etc. I now write to him at about once a week by email (to both of his emails- not sure why I do both!!) with send new scan pictures every 4 weeks. I even signed up for this special 4d package where you get tons of pics/ a 4d scan on dvd every month. One reason being so I can "remind" him of the pregnancy every month with new images etc. I really enjoy sending all this stuff!!! I was thinking for xmas I was gonna send his dad (!) a mug with a latest scan picture to his work address..... you know that type of thing.

Well I think this situation has made me a little crazy. I can't believe he has ignored me for almost three months. I emailed him the news that baby was a boy.... no reply. I invited him to each scan.... no reply.

Now I kinda use writing to him like a therapeutic journal. I am sure he is sick of all these messages, but for some reason I can't stop. 

Ok so thats the latest..... What does everyone think? Do you think thats it and he'll just never contact me again or see his baby?


----------



## suzanne108

Wow, he can't say you never tried!! 

I have to say that I would be surprised if he contacted you....but you have a way to go so he has plenty of time. My FOB has just started being interested in the last couple of weeks so he could be the same. And the fact his parents know...surely they wouldn't let him ignore the fact that he has a baby?! 

I totally understand why you think its therapeutic to write these emails to him, but if I was you I'd maybe write it all down in the journal sections on here, or your own private journal. I would stop contacting him and see if/when he contacts you. If you're telling him everything he needs to know without him asking then it means he doesn't really need to contact you. But maybe he would show interest if you disappeared (like he did!). Thats my take anyway and what I would do I think....everyone is different though. 

Thanks for the update, I'm nosy aren't I hehe!! xx


----------



## babybaillie

I think its time to take a step back hun. for ur own sanity. I would try and not email him or contact him unless it was an update on the baby. I think u have given him enough chances to step up to the mark. Maybe if u were to stop contact it may spur him to be curious as to whats happening, and force him to get in touch. what a horrible situation for u ((((HUGS))))


----------



## surprisebaby

i think you're both right. That seems to make sense. But I find it hard to do. Last time i managed a month with no contact and it made no difference. He still ignored me. I think maybe I should stop emailing him, but then again maybe thats what he wants. I think I might just send pics of baby but nothing else. I might feel different next month and just not want to. I thought his dad would have helped the situation in some way.I am disappointed that he seems to have done nothing.

Actually maybe I'll just stop altogether. Just do what he's doing to me.... 
Thanks for your feedback xx


----------



## babybaillie

i know what u mean its easier to give advice. not so easy to do it urself. But it worked for me. I stopped mentioning LO to my oh and backed off completely. He had told me to get an ab or it was over. he dumped me etc. and when i backed off and stopped d contact unless it was to do with our other daughter he didnt like it. and he came running. It was hard not to call him up when sumthing happened etc. but it worked. I hope it can work for u too chick xx


----------



## suzanne108

Its tough to know what to do in these situations. Like I say everyone is different, my FOB actually asked to let him know how appointments were going but I still find it hard to keep him updated. I hate having to contact him. So I probably find it quite strange that you actually want to contact your FOB....not strange in a bad way, just different. Everyone is different! 

In your situation though, I too thought FOBs dad would have helped. Seems weird that he's done nothing...you never know though - he could be urging his son to contact you but they can't force him. 

Do what you feel is right :hugs: xxx


----------



## lillprutten

I think he is a coward not even saying what he thinks.


----------



## cherryglitter

Fair play to you surprisebaby :)
I would have probably ripped his balls off by now.. [How mature am I!]
My mother did sort of the same thing to me and my brother, she left when I was 3 and brother was just a newborn! No contact, no nothing, and im 21 now :)

All I can say is it is HIS loss and you will be an excellent mother :) Being a single parent isn't the end of the world and you will be so proud of everything your little one achieves in the future, And it'll all be down to you :):)
Best of luck to you sweetheart! Keep smiling! x x


----------



## Sarahcake

what an absolute asshole :(
I cant believe someone would just run off like that. And as for his father what a jerk. I dont even know where to begin with him to be honest.

You are much better off without those spineless *******s there to influence your child to be as spineless as them.

Think its time to back off now and leave them too it.

Your a very brave and strong lady and i have the upmost respect for you and all the other ladies in this thread, its not easy to get rid of someone we love, even if it is for the greater good.


----------



## Welshcob

I am a bit late to this thread. I am so sorry to read about what has been going on and I don't know if its moved on a bit as I have only read the first page of posts. 
But you have just gone through what I had with my FOB. He did exactly the same thing, but when I pushed and pushed to know what he wanted and what he was thinking, he took me to court for harrassment - although if he had said anything to me about his thoughts I would not have contacted him. So now he has no contact from me and my baby will be born without him knowing. 
I guess that some men are cowards, your boyfriend is young, but hes no child. He has a responsibility to answer and put your mind at rest. I just want to say that sometimes they are just ( well, I can't think of a word). But they don't change, my FOB is 40 and hes behaved in this disgraceful way. Just be careful not to get yourself into the trouble I have. I had no idea that a few emails (5) and (8) texts would constitute harrassment. But it did and caused me all sorts of additional stress


----------



## Welshcob

surprisebaby said:


> Ok the latest news is that there isn't any really. I feel like a crazy stalker even though I am not going to places to find him. I just feel my mindset is one of an obsessed stalker where I have to somehow catch him out or work out what he is thinking etc. I now write to him at about once a week by email (to both of his emails- not sure why I do both!!) with send new scan pictures every 4 weeks. I even signed up for this special 4d package where you get tons of pics/ a 4d scan on dvd every month. One reason being so I can "remind" him of the pregnancy every month with new images etc. I really enjoy sending all this stuff!!! I was thinking for xmas I was gonna send his dad (!) a mug with a latest scan picture to his work address..... you know that type of thing.
> 
> Well I think this situation has made me a little crazy. I can't believe he has ignored me for almost three months. I emailed him the news that baby was a boy.... no reply. I invited him to each scan.... no reply.
> 
> 
> Now I kinda use writing to him like a therapeutic journal. I am sure he is sick of all these messages, but for some reason I can't stop.
> 
> Ok so thats the latest..... What does everyone think? Do you think thats it and he'll just never contact me again or see his baby?

Hon, I know all these feelings you describe and thats how I felt when I texted and emailed my FOB. Two of those texts were invites to a scan. So please please be careful. He can take out an order against you and say you are harrassing him. I would seriously just leave it. Hes given you your answer - just as mine has. I sit and worry the same as you - I secretly hope for this miraculous change of heart. But it probably would never happen. 
Mine hasn't spoken to me since the 22nd April. You really are better off leaving him alone and out of it. But if he wants to contact you, he really will. Hugs


----------



## MissE007

Wow - what an ars*hole.


----------



## surprisebaby

babybaillie said:


> i know what u mean its easier to give advice. not so easy to do it urself. But it worked for me. I stopped mentioning LO to my oh and backed off completely. He had told me to get an ab or it was over. he dumped me etc. and when i backed off and stopped d contact unless it was to do with our other daughter he didnt like it. and he came running. It was hard not to call him up when sumthing happened etc. but it worked. I hope it can work for u too chick xx

I like this advice :) x


----------



## surprisebaby

suzanne108 said:


> Its tough to know what to do in these situations. Like I say everyone is different, my FOB actually asked to let him know how appointments were going but I still find it hard to keep him updated. I hate having to contact him. So I probably find it quite strange that you actually want to contact your FOB....not strange in a bad way, just different. Everyone is different!
> 
> In your situation though, I too thought FOBs dad would have helped. Seems weird that he's done nothing...you never know though - he could be urging his son to contact you but they can't force him.
> 
> Do what you feel is right :hugs: xxx

I think the reason I still want him to go is because apart from him ignoring me for being pregnant, he is actually a person I really like. If I didn't like him as a person I suppose I wouldn't try as hard. x


----------



## surprisebaby

lillprutten said:


> I think he is a coward not even saying what he thinks.

yes i agree..... very cowardly


----------



## surprisebaby

xrosanna said:


> Fair play to you surprisebaby :)
> I would have probably ripped his balls off by now.. [How mature am I!]
> My mother did sort of the same thing to me and my brother, she left when I was 3 and brother was just a newborn! No contact, no nothing, and im 21 now :)
> 
> All I can say is it is HIS loss and you will be an excellent mother :) Being a single parent isn't the end of the world and you will be so proud of everything your little one achieves in the future, And it'll all be down to you :):)
> Best of luck to you sweetheart! Keep smiling! x x

Yes it is his loss.... i think he will eventually regret being like this.... 
Sorry to hear your mother did this to you. Do you want to contact her or are you gonna just leave it? x


----------



## surprisebaby

Sarahcake said:


> what an absolute asshole :(
> I cant believe someone would just run off like that. And as for his father what a jerk. I dont even know where to begin with him to be honest.
> 
> You are much better off without those spineless *******s there to influence your child to be as spineless as them.
> 
> Think its time to back off now and leave them too it.
> 
> Your a very brave and strong lady and i have the upmost respect for you and all the other ladies in this thread, its not easy to get rid of someone we love, even if it is for the greater good.

Thanks that was a really kind thing to say! I do find it hard to understand myself... I am going to write a letter to his mum this week, because I don't know if she knows or not. Also I am not going give up in thewhole birth certifcate thing.... I want his name down as baby's father. xx


----------



## surprisebaby

Welshcob said:


> I am a bit late to this thread. I am so sorry to read about what has been going on and I don't know if its moved on a bit as I have only read the first page of posts.
> But you have just gone through what I had with my FOB. He did exactly the same thing, but when I pushed and pushed to know what he wanted and what he was thinking, he took me to court for harrassment - although if he had said anything to me about his thoughts I would not have contacted him. So now he has no contact from me and my baby will be born without him knowing.
> I guess that some men are cowards, your boyfriend is young, but hes no child. He has a responsibility to answer and put your mind at rest. I just want to say that sometimes they are just ( well, I can't think of a word). But they don't change, my FOB is 40 and hes behaved in this disgraceful way. Just be careful not to get yourself into the trouble I have. I had no idea that a few emails (5) and (8) texts would constitute harrassment. But it did and caused me all sorts of additional stress

Out of curiousity I read about your situation with FOB and yes there are similarities although my FOB is not abusive in any way and I don't think he would say I was harrassing him, and if he does I don't really care. In fact I would like it if I heard something even if it did mean going to court :) because at keast the silence would be over!! But I think it's because I don't fear my fob in any way so there is nothing bad that could happen.... maybe a fine!!! But I wouldn't care. But I realise why you're advising me to be careful after your experience. And anyway he has never asked me to stop!!


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## surprisebaby

MissE007 said:


> Wow - what an ars*hole. Can't believe he still hasn't contacted you! I can understand the stalkerish madness. Reminds me so much of my first FOB - He just completely blocked me out, even when I text him to say it was a boy etc. Even now, I wonder to myself - what the hell is he thinking?! When people ask him if he has any children, does he just say no? Does he block it out of his mind or what?! I must of text him a thousand times when I was pregnant, until one day he just changed his number. Heartless. I couldn't believe it. Even when I last sent him a message on FB nearly two years ago - He just completely blanked it. I to this day I am completely confused - He didn't even say he didn't want a baby...just nothing.
> 
> And stupidly I feel, now I'm here again. Me and second FOB haven't spoken since the last time I posted on this thread - I text him the due date and he basically just text back - whatever, just go have an abortion. Just like that!
> 
> I was like ok. At 13 weeks?! You're saying this NOW. And that's all you have to say? We went from being in a 'relationship' to this point where I feel like I don't even know him and I'm completely baffled.
> 
> He has two other children. By two different people - When we met I asked him if he had any children, he said no. I asked him on a few occassions how he felt about children in general and he said he wanted them. I joked once that if he ever left me on my own with a baby I would make his life hell - He said, 'No, we'd raise it together' - all of a sudden, I'm pregnant and reality sinks in and these other kids pop out of thin air. One is just over a year old and what's worse is one isn't even born yet. End of this month of beginning of next I believe. Who is she? I have no idea. WHEN? I don't even know. I calculated he must of been with her about Feb this year - this is after we met. He won't give me answers. Oh. My. God I want to strangle him so badly for putting me in this situation. Why would he take a risk like that knowing he had a 1-year-old baby and one not even BORN! I thought we were together!
> 
> I think I've passed confusion stage. People keep saying oh I'm stupid for being here again! Well yes, but how was I supposed to know? Getting pregnant obviously wasn't convinient. But I know his friends, his house, his car, some of his family - no one ever mentioned any other kids or women - ever. I even got into his Facebook, I remember going through the entire thing from when he opened it in Jan 2008 (sad I know) Nothing. Not a wink or a hint of children. Just that he was 'kindof' dating before he met me, with no success LOL. So when do you stop digging for evidence? I stopped digging, and he turned out to be a complete Lawd knows what. Argh!
> 
> So sorry to rant and hijack your thread...just needed to vent I guess... : (

I am sorry to hear about whats happened to you. I can't believe he has another woman pregnant just now. What a shock and a betrayal behind your back. And that you had no idea about any of this. Does he not have any conscience about bringing these children into the world and not being there for them. And his solution of : "whatever, just go have an abortion" is just unbelievable especially considering you were in second trimester at that point. Abortion is not a form of birth control and maybe he should realise that. If he doesn't want kids he shouldn't have sex or get an operation or something!!!! Just really annoys me. Hows things now?? In a weird way it's good to know i am not the only one in this awful situation.

Ha ha I have found out fob's parent's home address.... Maybe I should be a detective.... Going to write to his mum.

xxx


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## MissE007

Well done on getting their home address! I do think it'd be a good idea to communicate with her. Women are much more sympathetic when it comes to these situations and I can't imagine a woman on Earth that wouldn't want to have some involvement with her own grandchildren. 

She probably doesn't have much knowledge of the situation, but I'm guessing she'll be pretty ashamed of her son when she finds out. Who knows what he's told them - you're a liar, mad, obsessed with him etc etc Now's the time to get everything out in the open and finally get fob to confront the reality of situation - once it's in his face there is no way he'll be able to continue to hide from it. Let us know how it all goes! 

I have another private scan this week to find out the sex - I'm thinking boy 
:) am I'm still debating whether to invite him or even tell him the sex when I find out. I'm now frightened of what he'll say if I do call/text him, but at the same time I want him to know the progress - that something is happenning and we are having a baby no matter what the situation - I don't just want to send him a text next year 'hi you have a new baby' and then never see him again. But then again there is part of me that is so annoyed with him I'd rather never speak to him in a lifetime then even say once 'friendly' word.


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## edinsam

Hun cut all ties. Seriously it's all that will work. It took me 5 months to realise I was mote upset that he never replied to any of my texts than I was when I didn't contact him at all. He left me 7 months ago when I was 3 months pregnant. He has never asked me to not contact him etc and I kept on doing it, sending Jim texts etc and getting no repsonses - that's the worst thing ever. Then I realises stuff it I am wasting my energy on a waster when I should be using it for more relevant important stuff. Stop the comms and move on , as hard as that is it's the only way otherwise you will be upset for ever and that will eat you up, I know that for sure. And trust me sitting wasting time thinking about this man however you felt about each other is a moment wasted. I mean common do you think he's doing the same
about you? I doubt it. If he was ever really there for you to start with he would never have left would he? Kicked him to the kerb, pick yourself up and build a life for you. If he comes crawling then fine but by then you will be so equipped to deal with it. 

Good luck. 

I still see mines every day at work and we walk past each other as if we never even knew each other let alone had a child together. Absolute waster. I'm soooo better on my own


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## surprisebaby

edinsam said:


> Hun cut all ties. Seriously it's all that will work. It took me 5 months to realise I was mote upset that he never replied to any of my texts than I was when I didn't contact him at all. He left me 7 months ago when I was 3 months pregnant. He has never asked me to not contact him etc and I kept on doing it, sending Jim texts etc and getting no repsonses - that's the worst thing ever. Then I realises stuff it I am wasting my energy on a waster when I should be using it for more relevant important stuff. Stop the comms and move on , as hard as that is it's the only way otherwise you will be upset for ever and that will eat you up, I know that for sure. And trust me sitting wasting time thinking about this man however you felt about each other is a moment wasted. I mean common do you think he's doing the same
> about you? I doubt it. If he was ever really there for you to start with he would never have left would he? Kicked him to the kerb, pick yourself up and build a life for you. If he comes crawling then fine but by then you will be so equipped to deal with it.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> I still see mines every day at work and we walk past each other as if we never even knew each other let alone had a child together. Absolute waster. I'm soooo better on my own

Thanks Edinsam,

I think that it's not really about me getting back with him or anything like that. If this situation did not involve me being pregnant I would seriously just have left it. That is not the reason I want to contact him. The reason is, is that I want the birth certificate to have his name on it and also I do not want the whole thing to be a secret. I want his mum to know. She might not know. I want to give his parents the opportunity to be grandparents if they want to. Just because he is not contacting me doesn't me they won't be involved. But I agree I am going to try and not write to him anymore (I sort of don't want to anymore), I am just going to contact the parents, because maybe they will want to know their grandchild. If after this letter I don't hear anything then I will have to see a solicitor about getting name on certificate and start csa perhaps. 

But I can't just brush it under the carpet. I need to deal with it. I think going through his parents is a better idea.

But it hasn't made me feel bad writing stuff to him, I think it has made me process eveything quicker rather than pretending to move on when i hadn't. I feel stronger now and


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## lillprutten

surprisebaby said:


> edinsam said:
> 
> 
> Hun cut all ties. Seriously it's all that will work. It took me 5 months to realise I was mote upset that he never replied to any of my texts than I was when I didn't contact him at all. He left me 7 months ago when I was 3 months pregnant. He has never asked me to not contact him etc and I kept on doing it, sending Jim texts etc and getting no repsonses - that's the worst thing ever. Then I realises stuff it I am wasting my energy on a waster when I should be using it for more relevant important stuff. Stop the comms and move on , as hard as that is it's the only way otherwise you will be upset for ever and that will eat you up, I know that for sure. And trust me sitting wasting time thinking about this man however you felt about each other is a moment wasted. I mean common do you think he's doing the same
> about you? I doubt it. If he was ever really there for you to start with he would never have left would he? Kicked him to the kerb, pick yourself up and build a life for you. If he comes crawling then fine but by then you will be so equipped to deal with it.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> I still see mines every day at work and we walk past each other as if we never even knew each other let alone had a child together. Absolute waster. I'm soooo better on my own
> 
> Thanks Edinsam,
> 
> I think that it's not really about me getting back with him or anything like that. If this situation did not involve me being pregnant I would seriously just have left it. That is not the reason I want to contact him. The reason is, is that I want the birth certificate to have his name on it and also I do not want the whole thing to be a secret. I want his mum to know. She might not know. I want to give his parents the opportunity to be grandparents if they want to. Just because he is not contacting me doesn't me they won't be involved. But I agree I am going to try and not write to him anymore (I sort of don't want to anymore), I am just going to contact the parents, because maybe they will want to know their grandchild. If after this letter I don't hear anything then I will have to see a solicitor about getting name on certificate and start csa perhaps.
> 
> But I can't just brush it under the carpet. I need to deal with it. I think going through his parents is a better idea.
> 
> But it hasn't made me feel bad writing stuff to him, I think it has made me process eveything quicker rather than pretending to move on when i hadn't. I feel stronger now andClick to expand...

I imagine it is like in Sweden.
You write his name as a father on the papers. If he denies fatherhood then there will be a dna test.
If he refuses to take the dna test then the police will come and fetch him and make him take the dna test as he by law is obligated to take the dna test and if he is the father then to pay child support.
The government rather (here) pays for that then paying child support for dads running away which is fully understandable. I can imagine this dna procedure must be the same in UK as here?


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## purpledahlia

No in the UK if the father denies parentage and refuses the DNA then he is automatically assumed the father and money is taken from his wahes to pay maintenence.


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