# Sending kids to nursery when you are at home?



## golcarlilly

Ok I am starting this thread tentatively cos I am aware it may be a controversial subject :blush: but I just wondered how many people send their babies/children to nursery when they are on maternity leave or holiday or even being a SAHM? 

I have now met two ladies who do this, the children go to nursery full time, one has a young baby (is on maternity leave) and sends two toddlers off every day and the other is a teacher who still sends her kids for full days/weeks during the holidays, I know that some nurserys still charge for holidays so that may be the reason in some cases but I just think it is awful, why would you not want to look after your children yourself if you are at home and able to? :nope:


----------



## jackiea85

Joseph will be going to nursery/play group in the mornings when he is 3 as I think it is good preparation for school but no I definitely wouldn't put him in to nursery if I didn't need to at this age x


----------



## Mummy2Angel.

I work in a nursery and often ask that question to myself :haha:, personally i dont udnerstand it :shrug:. I think maybe one day a week or two afternoons/mornings for social interaction, but i think if your at home all the time and put your children in full time, i dont see the point in that really


----------



## MotherBeth

I kind of agree. I wouldn't wanna put anyone down for doing what they have to do. We all just do the best we can. But given the choice, I would say that the best person to raise a baby is the mom and dad -- not a stranger who's looking after a bunch of others at the same time. And if I were a toddler/young child, I think I would rather be with my parents most of the day than have them leave me somewhere. In fact, I'd think that for some sensitive toddlers, that could be a little devastating, to watch your parents walk away and you leave somewhere for 8 or 9 hours straight ... every day. 

But as I said, I wouldn't wanna put down someone who had to do it, cause we all have to do the best we can with the situations we have.


----------



## Faerie

I understand your point, though I suppose I am doing it myself. Sofia has just started doing 1.5 days at nursery per week. I must admit to feeling pretty guilty about doing it at first, but as my DH works away for 6 days and then is back for 4 or 5 and I'm heavily pregnant I really needed the help! Means I can go shopping or to a Drs appointment or even a haircut without dragging her around after me.

I think it will be really great in the first couple of months of the baby being here too.

I would've put her in at some point for a couple of mornings anyway, as we don't speak French at home and so it's good prep for her.


----------



## RainbowDrop_x

IMO I can't understand SAHM who put their kids in to nursery all day everyday. IMO if that's what you're going to do you may aswell work. I think putting them in for a few hours in a morning/afternoon is ok. It's good for kids to socialise and also better for mums sanity to have a little break!!


----------



## Lucy_lu_84

Don't get why you'd put them in full time if your home.

My friend put her little boy in one day a week when she ha er second child which I can totally understand. Or one day a week or a morning/ afternoon or something. We all need a break, n it's good for kids to interact but full time I don't get.

Guess ppl have their reasons tho.


----------



## Lucy_lu_84

Don't get why you'd put them in full time if your home.

My friend put her little boy in one day a week when she ha er second child which I can totally understand. Or one day a week or a morning/ afternoon or something. We all need a break, n it's good for kids to interact but full time I don't get.

Guess ppl have their reasons tho.


----------



## expecting09

I was at home while Kacie went to Nursery full time because I broke my leg! She now goes 2 mornings a week, while I get some mummy time, or doing coursework.

But I'm with everyone else, I don't see why people send them full time when there is no need to


----------



## Septie

I haven't been in this situation, but...
The woman on maternity leave may want to use the leave to bond with the new baby (and take an occasional nap with the baby) before returning to work (I imagine caring for two toddlers in addition to a baby would not leave much time for anything). Totally understandable.
And the teacher...perhaps her kids want to go to nursery, if that is what they are used to and if all therir friends are there. There is also something to be said in favor of routine.
These cases are not the same as a SAHM sending all her kids off to nursery every day. And I am not aware of any research that high-quality childcare is detrimental to a child's welfare.


----------



## indy and lara

Emma is at home with me just now as I am a SAHM. When she turns 2 I will put her into a playgroup 2 sessions a week (am or pm) as prep for starting pre-school nursery. Then when she is 3 it will be pre-school 5 pms a week. If things go to plan then I will be at home when she is at playgroup(except when I am on duty). Putting Emma in Nursery FT if I was at home FT doesn't make sense to me.


----------



## Panda_Ally

Holly goes to nursery 2 times a week, im usually at college or work but sometimes my days off fall on the same as her nursery days and shes still been going 2 times a week during my annual leave. I just want to keep her in the routine of nursery and not keep messing around with it. i do drop her off later and pick her up earlier tho and she loves nursery so i don't c the harm. Shes a very socialble child so i think spending all her time with me or her dad she would get very bored.


----------



## special_kala

do you mean pre school? when river is 3 she will be going to pre school 3 days a week building up to fulltime in preparation for school


----------



## Shri

I'm a SAHM, and I don't really want to send Oscar to nursery or playgroup but, he's getting at that age now where I think he is bored with just me and needs to mix with other children his age. I wouldn't consider it if there were other options but we just moved here and have no family or close friends with kids for him to hang out with regularly. Also, I never get to do anything for myself during the day and when I do get a bit of space from him, if OH takes over, I feel more refreshed and can give him better attention. Having said all this I think it's a bit of a crazy world really...in my day dreams, children play happily and safely together under the watch of their community at and around HOME - none of this driving them around constantly having to sign them up for this that and the other...but then we have to live in the 'real world' as muddled as that may be I suppose. 
I do notice that some parents send their kids off to things excessively and I wonder about it, don't they miss and awful lot about watching their children grow? I don't understand it myself.


----------



## Blah11

When im off work on holiday i send amelie in some days. Its been paid for anyway and i like to have a free day to do my jobs in the house. i wouldnt send her to nursery if I was a SAHM though.. kinda defeats the purpose of being a SAHM?


----------



## Blah11

oh but when i get pregnant again and im on mat leave, amelie is still going to go to nursery. Amelie got 1to1 time with mummy for 10 months so the next baby will too.


----------



## moomin_troll

zane started nursery when he was 8 months while i was still on mat leave, but i did have another job to go thru so he started for a reason. but then the job fell thru and i let zane go to nursery still for a week and then took him out as i just couldnt afford it.

if we could afford for zane to go nursery for 1 day a week i would, even tho im not working i think hed love it and i think its good for babies to be around others the same age.

zane was only little but loved nursery so i felt awful taking him out, hed love going there even more now as hes so out going


----------



## babe2ooo

jack goes 2 nursery on a monday and friday, i work every monday but only every other friday. i have to book him in for every friday those and still pay so even that friday i dont work he goes which mean i catch up on sleep and house work.


----------



## Mum2b_Claire

Full time when mum is a SAHM I don't understand. I do plan to have some time off work and still send Ruby to the childminder at some point, but that's going to be the odd day here and there. 
I totally understand people sending an older toddler to nursery when a new baby arrives but I can't imagine many people would be lucky enough to afford to do that.


----------



## Faerie

I'm really lucky in France, Sofia's 1.5 days which includes 2 lunches and 3 snacks comes to about &#8364;20 per month.


----------



## moomin_troll

I think the oposite as when we have baby 2 i will want zane with me also as i wouldnt want him to feel left out and get jealous of the new baby.


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

I'm due to start uni on the 27th but I have sent Aidan to nursery two weeks early do I can get him settled before I start uni.

If I was a SAHM I would send him to nursery at 3 for a couple of days a week to prepare him for school 
Xx


----------



## rosie272

Charlie has a full time nursery place and I only work 4 days! I really need that extra day to do my 'deep clean' housework (windows, strip beds, mountains of washing, batch cook etc) and also try get any appointments for myself on that day too (doctor, dentist, hairdresser lol) I can also get my shopping done and meet a pal for a coffee if I have the time :) I pay for a full time place and Charlie enjoys nursery, so it's a win win for us! If I have a TOIL day from work sometimes I don't put him in and just enjoy spending a day with him, and the nursery has 'in service' days too and I can't put him in and he just 'helps' me around the house (although I don't get the same amount of housework done when he's home obviously). It's just me and him so I've no OH to help out with any of this stuff - If I wasn't working I wouldn't have him in so often though - maybe just a day or a half day to socialise...but each to their own I suppose :)


----------



## Blah11

Mum2b_Claire said:


> Full time when mum is a SAHM I don't understand. I do plan to have some time off work and still send Ruby to the childminder at some point, but that's going to be the odd day here and there.
> I totally understand people sending an older toddler to nursery when a new baby arrives but I can't imagine many people would be lucky enough to afford to do that.

working tax credits continue even when youre on mat leave cos ur still employed :)


----------



## Blah11

moomin_troll said:


> I think the oposite as when we have baby 2 i will want zane with me also as i wouldnt want him to feel left out and get jealous of the new baby.

she only goes 8-2.30 4 days a week anyway so she gets plenty of time with me (although i wish it was more!). besides, she'll get attention when the baby is sleeping and stuff. NBs do sleep a lot


----------



## moomin_troll

my oh wants to put zane in nursery when we are settled in our new home, i like the idea of him going once a week but anymore then that no cuz id miss him lol.

altho i do no a woman who sent her son to nursery full time and she was at home refusing to work till he started school, i really didnt get that


----------



## moomin_troll

Blah11 said:


> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> I think the oposite as when we have baby 2 i will want zane with me also as i wouldnt want him to feel left out and get jealous of the new baby.
> 
> she only goes 8-2.30 4 days a week anyway so she gets plenty of time with me (although i wish it was more!). besides, she'll get attention when the baby is sleeping and stuff. NBs do sleep a lotClick to expand...

i wish zane slept alot as a newborn lol he was always awake , but then again hes a terrible sleeper!

i might change my mind once i actualy have baby 2 and knowing zane hed rather be out of the house at nursery as he loved it when he last went and he never wanted to come home lol


----------



## Baby France

My little boy spends one day a week at nursery while I'm on maternity. It gives me a break, chance to do housework and bond with my little girl. Would I send him in more? If I could afford to, hell yeah! Sometimes I need some time and as selfish as it sounds I can drink a HOT brew when hes there.

I doubt I'd send him full time, but definately two days!!! He enjoys it and learns so much from it in regards to sharing and social skills and when I pick him up I'm refreshed and ready for the rest of the week - he doesn't have a grumpy mummy. IMO nursery is a fantastic source and is good for them, its an injustice to them not to send them.


----------



## polo_princess

I think its a great learning experience for children, even if i wernt working i would be sending Brooke for perhaps 1 or 2 mornings a week.

I understand that people are sceptical and whatnot, but im sure other mothers who send their LO's to nursery will back me up 100% when i say it does them the world of good, seriously it brings their learning and social skills on leaps and bounds.

I am SO proud of how smart Brooke is becoming, and i know for a fact her being at home with me all day just wouldnt bring out the best in her and fulfil her potential, there is only so much i can do for her.

If i have another baby before Brooke is of school age i wont take her out of nursery just because im at home.


----------



## ChloesMummy

When I had Charlotte I kept Chloe off nuresery for 4wks as OH was off work then aswell, but as soon as he went back I put Chloe back into nursery. I was paying for 0745-1715 but put her in 1000-1530 5 days a week. 

She was 3yr old and getting her preschool hours anyway, it gave me time to bond with Charlotte and Chloe needed the routine. When she is off for a while she gets really upset and unsettled when she goes back and I hate putting her through that. 
During the summer they go away every day on the bus to the beach, forrest, gardens, museums, farms etc. I dont see it as a bad thing :shrug: 

SAHM I can see why it would be strange full time time, but Mat leave I dont think it's an issue :shrug:


----------



## Baby France

My BIL doesn't work and he and his partner have a little girl...that never goes out and stays sitting at four walls - she NEEDS to go to nursery due to getting nothing at home.

They learn sooo much!


----------



## bjl1981

I must admit that I can't really understand having a LO in nursery full time if you're a SAHM, but everyone has their own reasons. I'm a teacher, and my LO started nursery 2 weeks ago. I have to pay for all the school holiday, so although he won't be in EVERY day of the holidays, I will send him in some, because teachers do have work to do outside of school, and before he was born I'd spend time in school working during the holidays. I'll also take the opportunity to get my hair cut and stuff like that, which I struggle to do with him with me. :)

Plus, if I wasn't working I couldn't pay for nursery.


----------



## Donna35

I also cant understand SAHM putting child into nursery full-time - might as well work in that case. Must be pretty well-off to afford it really as even with tax credits it still costs quite a bit...

JJ started nursery 2 weeks ago just 2 mornings a week and will be building up to fulltime as I work and he's come on sooooo much already. I'm so glad I sent him - as Holly said they dont fulfil their potential at home. JJ was at home with his dad up til now and just didnt seem to be progressing very much. He also needed to socialise with other kids which as I have no family here was impossible without the nursery.


----------



## leighbaby

I keep LO in nursery for two full days a week when I'm on school hols. He likes nursery and it is paid for. Keeping him with me would upset his routine, plus it gives me time to do the crappy chores and housework!

ETA: even if I didn't work, I'd have him in nursery a day or two a week because he has come on leaps and bounds. He loves nursery and is such a confident little boy now.


----------



## kiwimama

Blah11 said:


> Mum2b_Claire said:
> 
> 
> Full time when mum is a SAHM I don't understand. I do plan to have some time off work and still send Ruby to the childminder at some point, but that's going to be the odd day here and there.
> I totally understand people sending an older toddler to nursery when a new baby arrives but I can't imagine many people would be lucky enough to afford to do that.
> 
> *working tax credits continue even when youre on mat leave cos ur still employed *Click to expand...

Gosh how lucky you guys are!


----------



## Blah11

You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.


----------



## Wobbles

My girls enjoy nursery more than being stuck at home, loads of play, activities and little buddies ...I also noticed Caitlin who started just before she was 2 was advancing more quickly after a couple of weeks and Megan who start about 1 years old is advancing slightly quicker compared to when Caitlin was around the same age and not in nursery. Neither my girls have much interaction with other LOs so this is perfect for them.

Mind although I am at home we work from home, our home is our office.

If the parents can afford private nursery fees I still think it's benefiting to the child even if Mum or Dad are at home, if they can afford to pay FT nursery fees and not work then fair play :wacko:


----------



## Lois

I'm a SAHM and Evie goes to nursery for two mornings a week. This isn't because I want to sit on my backside or I can't be bothered to be a parent for those 8 hours a week. It's because I genuinely believe nursery in moderation is a great experience for toddlers. Evie loves it and I love her, so we do it.

It would def seem odd to me for a SAHM/D who was well and had no other commitments to have their child in childcare fulltime. That said, when you're on the outside you never really know what is going on in someone else's family so my default position is not to judge other parents without good cause.

Lx

Lx


----------



## marley2580

Blah11 said:


> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.

I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home, they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nursery


----------



## Laura2919

I think if your at home then why cant you have your kids? 
My girls go to nursery because I work not because I want free time. They go from 7.30am til 1pm and I work from 8.30am til 12pm so I make it in time to get them. I dont leave them there longer than they need. I pick them up and I have the afternoon with them. When they turn 3 and you get a school nursery placement then yeah because thats a school nursery placement but my girls wont start until they are 4 because I want them to go to reception.


----------



## Faerie

marley2580 said:


> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I don't think kids need nursery *unless they are totally neglected at home*, they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...

You should probably think before you type.


----------



## Laura2919

Faerie said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I don't think kids need nursery *unless they are totally neglected at home*, they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...
> 
> You should probably think before you type.Click to expand...

My kids arent neglected I work so thats why they go to nursery!


----------



## Lois

@Marley...

Yes but you can also take your children to lots of groups and classes AND allow them the additional experience of socializing without their primary carer...it's a very different dynamic and offers them lots that socializing with mum/dad does not. SAHM/Ds don't generally choose part-time nursery as an alternative to providing stimulating experiences from home but rather as an additional enrichment. In this sense it is not about "needing" nursery but rather about "wanting" nursery for a child.


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

I used to take aidan to playgroups and he loved them. Didn't send hin to nursery as I couldn't afford to.

But at 3 children get a few nursery sessions free a week. Which if used will gives mums a break. Which a few mornings at nursery would do. It will also help the child have some independence from mum 
Xx


----------



## samsugar7

I am involentarily a SAHM (made redundant during pregnancy and cant afford to get Jaden into nursery so i can work :dohh:) but i am training to become a childminder so i can stay home and still feel like im helping out. Im not entitled to any help from government so only get child benefit to help out with bills and things. 


I have tried to go to some of the clubs/drop in nursery groups around here and i just dont like the atmosphere created by the mums outside smoking in their tracksuits and screaming at kids. I wouldnt mind getting Jaden in somewhere a few hours a week as he has no interaction with children under 5 at all. As i only have one mummy friend and she is busy a lot. 

I also dont understand mothers/fathers who are at home and send their children to nursery every day. :shrug: surely the point of being at home is to be there for your child?????

:flower:


----------



## ChloesMummy

marley2580 said:


> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. *I don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home, *they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...

What a thing to say when the majority of people posting in the thread send t children to nursery. :dohh: 

Sometimes I think the children enjoy the break away from the parents to be 'free'.


----------



## samsugar7

ChloesMummy said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. *I don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home, *they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...
> 
> What a thing to say when the majority of people posting in the thread send t children to nursery. :dohh:
> 
> Sometimes I think the children enjoy the break away from the parents to be 'free'.Click to expand...

I think the OP here meant that nursery would be a good option for a parent at home but doesnt interact or try and develop their child :shrug: 

I do lots of activities with Jaden trying to do my best to develop his skills and help to develop new ones. But i know of mothers who sit watching telly all day and do nothing with their children, in that case i would advise nursery o the child can develop like his or her peers. 

I might be wrong but thats what i understood from the post. 

x


----------



## Anababe

Both my boys go to childminders full time mon to fri 9-5. Ive been a SAHM for 2 and half years and decided to go back to work when my youngest was 6 months old. When they first started a few months ago i was working, i was home most of the day because i work from home but getting work done with children home is impossible and they love their childminder!

Now im pregnant again and i havent worked for the past 5 weeks and ive still sent them in full time even though im home because i have been so ill with hyperemesis ive hardly been able to function let alone look after my boys. So yeah im home all day and my boys go in full time.. im a single mum i dont have someone here to help me so in my situation ive had no choice but to keep up with childminder, i didnt want to change their routine when they are both perfectly happy.

However, im now feeling much better so ive just give notice this morning to reduce the hours to part time so i get to have them home more. Caeden is nearly 3 now so when he gets his free nursery places ill just send him in for the 15 hours hes entitled to and keep him home rest of the time. 

Unless your in another persons situation i dont think anyone should judge, ive found it quite difficult being a single mum to two young children and being pregnant with number 3 so if it makes me a bad mum to say yeah i need a break sometimes then so be it :shrug:

xx


----------



## oOKayOo

I dont understand it tbh , you send toddlers at 2.5 years old to Nursery ( pre school in prep for Big school ) for a few hours in the afternoon which is what they should do infact need imo. But before then i dont understand why people do it all day everyday if your a SAHM, infact even for a day or two. 

Im a full time mum for such a short time , id rather have them everyday till they go to preschool Which is only 2 and a half years of age for a few hours. 
But then thats just me :) I would never put my girls in nursery full time, there all mine :lol:


----------



## moomin_troll

i no my son would love nursery even tho i am a sahm and if i decided to let him go that in no way means he is neglected at home! it just means i want him to be around other children which will make my son very happy!

its like if i cam on here and attacked ur choice to home school because personaly i dont agree with it!


----------



## baboo

I'm a SAHM and I don't send my twins to nursery, but I am about to start putting them in for an afternoon a week as they really need the interaction with other children, and at the moment I can't take them to many groups. I would never put them in full time though.
x


----------



## Anababe

I think it great for them to go in for a day or two even for SAHM's. I personally never did with my older son i tried but it upset me too much when he screamed for me so i never went through with it until i started work 5 months ago.

But although i talked to him all the time, he did everything with me, i took him out he ended up with a speech delay (which wasnt my fault i know that but i still blame myself) and struggled to socialise with other children because i kept him close to me too much. So now i wish id put him in nursery earlier and when this baby is born and im on mat leave Logan will be going with Caeden for the 15 hours hes in just because i think its good for them.


----------



## Faerie

I think most of us would find it a bit strange if a SAHM was sending her child(ren) full time to nursery for no apparent reason, but then we don't always know the ins and outs.

I remember that one of my friend's always had a couple of days "off" from the moment her son was born (her parents live next door), she'd have spa days, shopping days etc. It wasn't something I could do, Sofia didn't spend more than 45 mins away from me until she was 13 months old, but if that's what made her a happy mum then so be it. She went back to work pt when he was 8 months and will still normally have one day per week to herself, when he's with her parents.

I belong to an international version of the NCT here, in our newsletter there was a mum saying she was a part-time mum. Basically she didn't work but both her children we in ft nursery and she'd be away at least one weekend per month from them too. The overtone was that she wasn't particularly happy being a mum (mocked kids activities etc, was beneath her to attend), which she pretty much boasted, so why have kids :shakeshead:


----------



## Anababe

I agree i think mums should get a day to themselves now and again.. its a hard job being a mum and theres nothing wrong with needing a break every so often.

But oh my.. to boast your not happy being a mum is shocking :shock: I loved being a SAHM with my older son but i have to admit when the time came to go back to work i was happy!


----------



## moomin_troll

Faerie said:


> I think most of us would find it a bit strange if a SAHM was sending her child(ren) full time to nursery for no apparent reason, but then we don't always know the ins and outs.
> 
> I remember that one of my friend's always had a couple of days "off" from the moment her son was born (her parents live next door), she'd have spa days, shopping days etc. It wasn't something I could do, Sofia didn't spend more than 45 mins away from me until she was 13 months old, but if that's what made her a happy mum then so be it. She went back to work pt when he was 8 months and will still normally have one day per week to herself, when he's with her parents.
> 
> I belong to an international version of the NCT here, in our newsletter there was a mum saying she was a part-time mum. Basically she didn't work but both her children we in ft nursery and she'd be away at least one weekend per month from them too. The overtone was that she wasn't particularly happy being a mum (mocked kids activities etc, was beneath her to attend), which she pretty much boasted, so why have kids :shakeshead:

thats awful calling herself a partime mum, i couldnt do that i love spending my days with zane. what a selfish cow!

we all need a break, but some women take it too far


----------



## Rhi_Rhi1

Luke has just started going for one day a week :) he loves it i am a stay at home mum, but i think he needs the interaction with ova children that he isn't getting from me :) i also don't see how some could send there child FT if they were just sitting at home... x


----------



## Blah11

A girl who works in my mums ward had a rough pregnancy as she broke her leg severly when she was about 7 months pregnant. Anyway, roll on months later and her baby is about 5 months old but shes thinking about when she comes off mat leave to go straight onto sick leave/pay cos she never really got a break during mat leave :wacko: Now is it just me or is that a bit backwards? Mat leave isnt an extra holiday, its time off to look after your LO! I couldn't believe it when I heard she said that :shock:


----------



## Mum2b_Claire

Oh no that's terrible blah.
Yeah the part time mum thing is pretty shocking too. I findit very annoying when SAHMs call themselves 'full time mums' when we're all full time mums aren't we!


----------



## marley2580

Sorry, I should have emphasised the word NEED. I don't believe that kids NEED nursery as previous posters have said. I don't think it does them any harm but, unless a child is totally neglected at home, they can get the same learning experiences at home and while out and about with parents.


----------



## Wobbles

Laura2919 said:


> Faerie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I don't think kids need nursery *unless they are totally neglected at home*, they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...
> 
> You should probably think before you type.Click to expand...
> 
> My kids arent neglected I work so thats why they go to nursery!Click to expand...

What is wrong with them interacting with others? My Caitlin loves her friends :thumbup:talks about them all the time and has bonded with the carers of her nursery that doesn't mean the home environment is neglectful no matter if the parents works or not. Personal choice, if a parent doesn't work at all then yes I see full time pointless but the odd day a benefiting socialisation.

We tried to keep the girls home whist we worked but it was impossible and whist we love our children we also need to provide for them. That said we are planning to move in the near future and have 'office' away from home and reduce nursery days but I think I'm trying to say just because people are at home it doesn't always mean they are sat doing nothing.


----------



## Laura2919

marley2580 said:


> Sorry, I should have emphasised the word NEED. I don't believe that kids NEED nursery as previous posters have said. I don't think it does them any harm but, unless a child is totally neglected at home, they can get the same learning experiences at home and while out and about with parents.

I dont agree, I think children need interaction with other children to learn also. Just because they have siblings doesnt mean they are learning from them. I believe they need time away from their parents to learn life skills too. The last thing I want is two clingy children when I leave them, its heartbreaking enough knowing I am missing out on parts of them when they are at nursery and they are at work but I live with that. 

I'm happy to say my girls enjoy nursery, in the afternoons we go and enjoy our time together be it at the park or our local community centre with messy play or fitness games.


----------



## Wobbles

My two as siblings clash, they are two different personalities ...it's shocking :lol:


----------



## SwissMiss

I work 3d/wk now and Linds is in daycare for 2 of those (one with mil). When I'm on mat leave (if that EVER gets here :wacko:) I plan on keeping her in daycare even though Ill be at home for 6 months. I think its good that she keep her routine, although maybe not both days every week, we'll see. And she really seems to enjoy it there. BUT I would never do that if I wasn't planning on returning to work... As everyone else has said, I think the interaction IS good but that's also b/c I have to use daycare - I live overseas and my parents are still in Canada. If I were at SAHM I'd give her to mil once in a while for a break for me, but not to nursery I don't think... Just my opinion. They'll be in school and grown up way too soon anyway, I'd def keep her with me as much as poss if given the choice (like if I won the lotto or sth! :winkwink:) 
x


----------



## ALY

i stay at home and sam goes to day care thrus and fri from 8-1 xx
i dont see any harm in this as it gives mums a break and to get things done :shrug: my dad has just offered to pay for an extra 2 days for samsam to go to daycare and while i think its not a good idea i also know that with samsam's problems he is getting more help from specialist and daycare say that sam needs the interaction of other kiddies as he is a late developer :shrug: 
so no i dont think a mum is wrong for putting child in daycare at tyhe end of the day we dont know if they have any problems bonding with the child :shrug: i know i did with samsam and that was one of the reasons he goes xxx and he will still go when he starts nursey in jan but when that happens im going to get a part time job :thumbup:


----------



## marley2580

Laura2919 said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> Sorry, I should have emphasised the word NEED. I don't believe that kids NEED nursery as previous posters have said. I don't think it does them any harm but, unless a child is totally neglected at home, they can get the same learning experiences at home and while out and about with parents.
> 
> I dont agree, I think children need interaction with other children to learn also. Just because they have siblings doesnt mean they are learning from them. I believe they need time away from their parents to learn life skills too. The last thing I want is two clingy children when I leave them, its heartbreaking enough knowing I am missing out on parts of them when they are at nursery and they are at work but I live with that.
> 
> I'm happy to say my girls enjoy nursery, in the afternoons we go and enjoy our time together be it at the park or our local community centre with messy play or fitness games.Click to expand...

See, my children learn from everyone around them - siblings, parents, people in the street, older children, grandparents etc. Why does socialisation just have to consist of interaction with peer groups? I think it should include all ages as that's what the real world is like. I'm really not dissing people for sending their kids to nursery, I'm just saying that I won't be doing it and that I don't think my kids will be missing out as a result.


----------



## marley2580

Wobbles said:


> My two as siblings clash, they are two different personalities ...it's shocking :lol:

As do mine - I just think of it as them learning conflict resolution lol.:thumbup:


----------



## golcarlilly

special_kala said:


> do you mean pre school? when river is 3 she will be going to pre school 3 days a week building up to fulltime in preparation for school

No, the children are only 18 months old!


----------



## Wobbles

My girls don't have much (if any) family around them :( in fact none of my Dads side have seen the girls in maybe a year now although they are half hour away, so I guess from a personal point I feel they miss out there. In nursery for me they are interacting with other adults (obviously) and also other age groups from baby room to after school club (where they can go and be taken to school and back after school for parents who start work early and finish later than end of school time) - they do mingle them either in the outside play area or in one inside play room towards the end of day.

Marley, my two don't stop nothing has changed between them in fact it gets worse sometimes :|


----------



## Szaffi

DD started daycare a month ago as I'm back in work. Looks like we'll have another lil' one, but i think I'll keep her going to the daycare at least half days. She absolutely loves there, it's very obvious and I have no family here, so I'm afraid I'd go nuts trying to deal with a toddler and a newborn at the same time without any break (OH works).


----------



## Wobbles

golcarlilly said:


> special_kala said:
> 
> 
> do you mean pre school? when river is 3 she will be going to pre school 3 days a week building up to fulltime in preparation for school
> 
> No, the children are only 18 months old!Click to expand...

Caitlins in pre-school ...shes 3 in 2 half month :confused:

My nursery have baby room, toddler 1 (which Megan is in now at 18 months), toddler 2, pre-school and after school club!

Unless I'm reading this wrong :blush:


----------



## golcarlilly

marley2580 said:


> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home, they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...

I agree completely, we go out to visit friends with children and playgroups and playgyms so M has interaction with other kids and I plan to do lots of activities both educational and leisure so I don't feel it will be necessary for him to attend nursery until pre-school :)

You are very brave home educating though, best of luck!


----------



## golcarlilly

ChloesMummy said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. *I don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home, *they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...
> 
> What a thing to say when the majority of people posting in the thread send t children to nursery. :dohh:
> 
> Sometimes I think the children enjoy the break away from the parents to be 'free'.Click to expand...

I don't think she meant that anyone on here IS neglecting their child, more that most people who don't work don't have any real need to send their child as they DO spend time with them :)


----------



## AP

Personally, for me, I wouldnt. I am stubborn! BUT - i totally see why - for interaction with other children

My fellow neonatal friend has a really tough time with her LO, he has many additional needs, tube fed and peg fed and all, and she deals with a hell of a lot by herself. She has found some care for him so she can get a day to herself, and I dont blame her, the poor girl has been through so much. 

My health visitor started suggesting i register LO at nursery. I have no freaking idea why, I know she did with her own children, I just blanked her.


----------



## golcarlilly

marley2580 said:


> Laura2919 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> Sorry, I should have emphasised the word NEED. I don't believe that kids NEED nursery as previous posters have said. I don't think it does them any harm but, unless a child is totally neglected at home, they can get the same learning experiences at home and while out and about with parents.
> 
> I dont agree, I think children need interaction with other children to learn also. Just because they have siblings doesnt mean they are learning from them. I believe they need time away from their parents to learn life skills too. The last thing I want is two clingy children when I leave them, its heartbreaking enough knowing I am missing out on parts of them when they are at nursery and they are at work but I live with that.
> 
> I'm happy to say my girls enjoy nursery, in the afternoons we go and enjoy our time together be it at the park or our local community centre with messy play or fitness games.Click to expand...
> 
> See, my children learn from everyone around them - siblings, parents, people in the street, older children, grandparents etc. Why does socialisation just have to consist of interaction with peer groups? I think it should include all ages as that's what the real world is like. I'm really not dissing people for sending their kids to nursery, I'm just saying that I won't be doing it and that I don't think my kids will be missing out as a result.Click to expand...


And I actually worry if interacting with their peers is a good thing at all sometimes as another child tried to bite Myles at a playgroup the other day :growlmad: !!!


----------



## Wobbles

Don't most children attempt the biting stage, no matter how brought up they are? 

Caitlin did with us (before she started nursery) but shortly after stopped *phew* she did it to Megan a couple of times I think there was a bit of jealousy there, not had it with Megan so far *fingers crossed* and no incident of it at nursery (either her biting or another biting her).


----------



## golcarlilly

OOH I hope not, I know my DD didn't do it :( I am scared now LOL


----------



## Wobbles

Hoping my Megan doesn't lol It did seem a jealousy thing though between my own kids and not others x


----------



## moomin_troll

yes alot of children have a biting stage and dont go to nursery or see other children their own age. my sister was a real nasty biter, til i bit her back n she never did it again. and zane has also tried biting me afew times. 

just like trantrums, they dont get them from nursery, they are a natural part of growing up so they will happen whether we like it or not!


i wasnt impressed as i took zane round to my ohs mates house to play with his son who is 3 1/2 and hes a very selfish child n has been bought up to get his own way, and every other word was "nooo its miiines" and it really drove me insane...but now zanes started to say it:dohh:


----------



## marley2580

Some of that's a stage they go through as well though. My mum always says that they can't learn to share until they know what it is to possess.


----------



## Wobbles

Well I can confirm I did not bite my daughter and she didn't possess it from me :shock: :lol:


----------



## indy and lara

Like I said Emma won't be going to Nursery until it is school Nursery at 3. I am very much with Marley's view that she will learn interaction from the world around her. We do have lots of family nearby so she spends time with them and is very comfortable around adults. We went to Baby Group and are about to start Toddler's Group. We go to Jo Jingles and I meet up with friends with LOs of similar age most weeks so I feel that she has lots of time with other children.

I am a teacher and am quite happy that I can offer Emma all she needs at home. I saw a lot of people saying about having time to themselves etc. But that is because education is my job and I understand that people may not feel the same way. I just don't feel the need for time away. I have Emma Mon- Fri during the day but at weekends and evenings OH is here so I have help and get a break then. I don't know quite how to put this but I wonder if age partially comes into this for me? I am 35 and have had many, many years when OH and I had loads of time to ourselves to do as we pleased. Having done all of that I am happy to do something else for a wee while. I also had many years of a demanding career and am happy to step away from all that to be a SAHM for a while. Emma will be 3 before i know it and off to school nursery!


----------



## marley2580

indy and lara said:


> Like I said Emma won't be going to Nursery until it is school Nursery at 3. I am very much with Marley's view that she will learn interaction from the world around her. We do have lots of family nearby so she spends time with them and is very comfortable around adults. We went to Baby Group and are about to start Toddler's Group. We go to Jo Jingles and I meet up with friends with LOs of similar age most weeks so I feel that she has lots of time with other children.
> 
> I am a teacher and am quite happy that I can offer Emma all she needs at home. I saw a lot of people saying about having time to themselves etc. But that is because education is my job and I understand that people may not feel the same way. I just don't feel the need for time away. I have Emma Mon- Fri during the day but at weekends and evenings OH is here so I have help and get a break then. *I don't know quite how to put this but I wonder if age partially comes into this for me?* I am 35 and have had many, many years when OH and I had loads of time to ourselves to do as we pleased. Having done all of that I am happy to do something else for a wee while. I also had many years of a demanding career and am happy to step away from all that to be a SAHM for a while. Emma will be 3 before i know it and off to school nursery!

Are you saying I'm old!!! :haha: PMSL

I'm also someone that doesn't feel that I need the time to myself (of course it's nice to have a break, but I don't feel that I NEED it). I get time to myself when they're in bed or when I send them off with OH at the weekend, but if it was a couple of times a week I'd feel obligated to go back to work so it wouldn't result in any 'me' time anyway.


----------



## Mum2b_Claire

I think age might come into it too. I'm 28 and have had years doing exactly what I pleased and I didn't even enjoy it that much, I love the sense of purpose looking after Ruby and working part time gives me. Tbh, I have time to myself every evening when Ruby is in bed and that is fine for me. The odd day here and there might be nice but it's clearly not that important to me as I haven't arranged anything!
OH and I were not together long when Ruby came along but it hasn'tbeen an issue because we never got into too much of a routine of it being just us!


----------



## Faerie

marley2580 said:


> Sorry, I should have emphasised the word NEED. I don't believe that kids NEED nursery as previous posters have said. I don't think it does them any harm but, unless a child is totally neglected at home, they can get the same learning experiences at home and while out and about with parents.

Thanks for clarifying :flower:


----------



## Faerie

I don't really feel Sofia needs the nursery for peer interaction, we go to one group or the other every day and often have friends over too so she wouldn't really be missing out on that. Saying that she does seem to enjoy the nursery, she interacts much more with the other babies she's met there than the ones at playgroup - no idea why! Plus the earlier exposure to French the better, that way when she does start school (either 4 or 6, haven't decided yet) she'll just be able to fit right in rather than having to pick up a new language.

I doubt she'd have ever gone into nursery if I hadn't fallen pregnant but I must admit that it is great having that day to arrange all my appointments, shopping and cleaning meaning when she's with me we can focus on us and I don't have to drag her around. Of course if I had a husband at home more often or any family around it might be different, but I don't.


----------



## indy and lara

I am glad that is not just me then!!! I do feel that I have had so many years of pleasing myself that I was ready for something else. I'm like you Marley- it is nice to have an hour here and there but if I was regularly having 2 days a week to myself I would feel that I should be back at my job- it wouldn't feel fair to me as OH is working to support us all but I was having all this time to myself. Claire, I use the time when Emma is napping as my time too- I cook dinner and then have the rest of nap time to watch rotten tv or sit on B&B!


----------



## Faerie

Mum2b_Claire said:


> I think age might come into it too. I'm 28 and have had years doing exactly what I pleased and I didn't even enjoy it that much, I love the sense of purpose looking after Ruby and working part time gives me. Tbh, I have time to myself every evening when Ruby is in bed and that is fine for me. The odd day here and there might be nice but it's clearly not that important to me as I haven't arranged anything!
> OH and I were not together long when Ruby came along but it hasn'tbeen an issue because we never got into too much of a routine of it being just us!

Oh you're sooo old Claire!!


----------



## Dream.A.Dream

I know my monkey is still young, but when he's older I think I'd consider him going just one morning a week or so if he doesn't get a place in a playschool. Just to play with other kids xx


----------



## Faerie

RE the age thing it seems to be quite different here - it's the older mums who are arranging lots of stuff to do without kids and the younger mums (and anyone under 30 is a very young mum here) who keep their kids with them.

It's always been the older mums who have told me "I was desperate to get back to work". Not for financial reasons, but because they didn't want to be at home. Now again, that's something else that I couldn't personally understand as it's not the way I feel but as long as their kids are happy who am I to judge.


----------



## angelmummy

i work part time and my partner does shifts so we have just put corey who is nearly 1 in to nursery for 1 day a week, i dont think it does them any harm at all. the interaction is good (even though he gets this when with me as i have lot of friends with babies/toddlers. but i think that when they are are nursery they do different things with them that i dont so its good in that way. also when they are 3 and get the free government funded hours i think thats good to prepare them for school. my eldest went to nursery from 18 months and it helped his talking improve so much as he was a late talker and it helped his eating habits as he was a bad eater. nursery just does so much different stuff with them, messy stuff, trips out, pre-school stuff i think it helps them develop. i love my boys to bits and would be upset if people thought i sent corey 1 days a week to "get rid of him" and "have time on my own". its so i can work and he can learn even if he is only 1. 

i cannot really understand full time sahm sending children full time to nursery. 

x


----------



## lulu61388

i know my SIL sends her two kids (19 mos and 2.5 years) to day care twice a week for 3 hours a day in the morning. she does it because her kids are very severely allergic to all processed foods and she makes meals from scratch every single day. (they also have a whole laundry list of other health issues that most kids don't have)

it was easier for her when she only had one and she could take care of it during his nap time, but now she has two and the work is compounded by their genetic disorders. she sends them to day care so she can make meals, freeze them and do all of the other boring/cleaning stuff that comes with being a mom. she doesn't go to see a movie, watch tv, go get mani/pedis. she does it so she can be a better mom for her kids, so she can have all of her attention on them while they are home and while they are gone she can take care of everything else.

i don't see a problem with that whatsoever and would think nothing of it back when i worked at a daycare.


----------



## Tasha

I dont think it is an age thing. I had my first child at 18, and have been a SAHM ever since (six years) and never had time to myself, and was happy that way.

I have just started a college course now (my youngest is almost 2.5 years) and she was going to be staying with her Dad during the time I am at college (he works flexible shifts) but I have very real issues, she has never been to a toddler group or anything like that because of my social anxiety, she has never been in the sole care of anyone but myself or her Dad again because of my issues (I am convinced that she will die) yet next year I am suppose to be able to drop her off to five sessions a week at a Nursery, it will be tough on me and certainly wont be fair on Kaysie to go from never being with other adults to that so I feel we do NEED to start sending her to nursery starting with one morning a week and gradually building up over the year. 

I already feel like a useless Mum for letting it get to this point, it wasnt like this for my older children so please dont judge me for the above, like I said these are real issues since losing Honey and I am trying to change.


----------



## keldac

I have 2 friends who are sahm and both send there girls 3 days a week from 8-5 to Nursery. They say it is for interaction and it stops them being bored at home. I personally don't agree and haven't sent any of mine to nursery whilst I stay at home.
I take my 19 month old to Jo Jingles/Aquababes and playgroup so she meets other children (my older 2 are at school) so she is interacting and learning - but I'm doing it with her. There's plenty of time for her to learn to be away from me when she goes to school, not as a baby.
Each to their own, we all have different parenting methods, but I didn't have children so somebody else could look after them :flower:


----------



## oOKayOo

Nothing to do with age as im 23 and im always with the children , i never get loads of time to myself , thats the way i like it.
My break is when they go to bed , thats just perfect for me :)


----------



## tasha41

I think maybe 2 days per week is fine so they get to play with other kids and get a break from being at home -- and so that you can do your cleaning, cooking, laundry, maybe even grab a nap or do your shopping.. so you can have one on one time with your newborn or something.. 

Or if you have a home business maybe..

I don't really understand the justification of sending them everyday while you're at home though. I'm 20 btw and don't think age has anything to do with it :wacko: All my 'young' parent friends who send their kids to daycare are doing so because they are in college/university, not because they are sitting on a fat wallet and can afford to sit around at home and send their kids off all day??


----------



## Shri

Each to their own really....but for me it's a difficult subject in some ways because what I would like and feel is ideal, isn't really available. I want Oscar to learn about the actual world he is IN (as well as the world that I believe in iykwim) but I also have this dilemma that I *don't* want him to learn certain things and behaviors that I have observed in other children who *do* go to nursery regularly. At home I do my best to provide him with a rich learning environment but it's no mean feat being 'on' 24/7 - the only breaks I really get are the times when OH takes over so that I can go off and do something, which isn't often as he has to work all the time. So I can see both pros and cons, but I still somehow think it is rather sad for children to be sent off for most of the week if *it is possible* for the parents to be at home with them. For some parent's it's not possible, and for some parent's it seems a lifestyle choice. Our neighbor doesn't like sending her little one to nursery but I suppose the alternative would be for her to give up her career trajectory.


----------



## 2nd time mum

I have my LO in nursery as I work during the day and admittedly when I am off on holiday from work will still put him in for a few hours a day, just a few times a week so that I can get cleaning etc. done about the house.

If I was a SAHM, which I sooooo wish I was, then definitely no I wouldn't put LO in childcare.


----------



## helen1234

i dont know anyone who would put there child into a nursery if they arent working, it seems a bit backwards and a costly thing to do, if i had a day off work or finished early i still picked rosie up early, id miss rhys too much, i take rhys to toddler groups to spcialise or take him to the play, rhys will go to pre school at 2 1/2 a few mornings a week to start socialising as this is the normal age for child to child interaction anyway.

i take rhys swimming once a week, two toddler groups one of which is rhythm time, you dont even have to mingle with other mums just sit and do it for half hour. i get a break when rhys naps for an hour.

i think nursery is great for people who work though.


----------



## Faerie

Tasha said:


> I dont think it is an age thing. I had my first child at 18, and have been a SAHM ever since (six years) and never had time to myself, and was happy that way.
> 
> I have just started a college course now (my youngest is almost 2.5 years) and she was going to be staying with her Dad during the time I am at college (he works flexible shifts) but I have very real issues, she has never been to a toddler group or anything like that because of my social anxiety, she has never been in the sole care of anyone but myself or her Dad again because of my issues (I am convinced that she will die) yet next year I am suppose to be able to drop her off to five sessions a week at a Nursery, it will be tough on me and certainly wont be fair on Kaysie to go from never being with other adults to that so I feel we do NEED to start sending her to nursery starting with one morning a week and gradually building up over the year.
> 
> I already feel like a useless Mum for letting it get to this point, it wasnt like this for my older children so please dont judge me for the above, like I said these are real issues since losing Honey and I am trying to change.

:hugs:


----------



## Faerie

helen1234 said:


> i dont know anyone who would put there child into a nursery if they arent working, it seems a bit backwards and a costly thing to do, if i had a day off work or finished early i still picked rosie up early, id miss rhys too much, i take rhys to toddler groups to spcialise or take him to the play, rhys will go to pre school at 2 1/2 a few mornings a week to start socialising as this is the normal age for child to child interaction anyway.
> 
> i take rhys swimming once a week, two toddler groups one of which is rhythm time, you dont even have to mingle with other mums just sit and do it for half hour. i get a break when rhys naps for an hour.
> 
> i think nursery is great for people who work though.

You'd be surprised, I live in an expat community, people have more money than... sense, compassion, love... I could go on! I have actually been told by more than one person that they had a child because "it's the thing you do". Right.


----------



## polo_princess

Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(


----------



## kiwimama

Gosh some of the comments people have made on this subject make me feel like a little piece of dirt on the underside of a shoe.


----------



## lulu61388

polo_princess said:


> Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(

i agree :(. especially when people don't know the circumstances of why someone puts their kids in nursery/day care.


----------



## Tasha

polo_princess said:


> Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(

:hugs:

We all do the best that we can for our children.


----------



## DottyLottie

Wow, I have found some of the posts here quite shocking. 
I work full time, so have no choice about sending LO to nursery full time, but honestly, if I suddenly gave up work tomorrow, I would feel bad for NOT sending her to nursery. I would certainly reduce her hours to part time if I became a SAHM, but to stop it all together would be unfair to my LO.

She has her own life at nursery, it is her little piece of independance, she talks about her friends, what she did each day, what she ate, what was fun and what was not, and to me it gives her a really positive and rich experience as she learns and grows, she is learning LOTS about social interaction (and that includes bein bitten sometimes btw!) and her manners and discipline are incredible compared to my eldest two at a similar age who did not attend nursery.

On the few occasions I have kept her off due to her being unwell or me having holiday, she has been crying on the doorstep in the morning with her school bag ready to go! We have a lovely home life and I so much value our time together, but does my daughter need nursery? Absoloutley!

In many European countries children start school full time at 2.5, it's not a bad thing!


----------



## hopeandpray

i find it all a bit confusing, i understand about mums needing some time to get stuff done maybe a few half days a week and kids liking to go to nursery, because of a stupid rule about starting at the start of term i ended up going to playschool at 2 and i loved it. but when people say sahm to me i presume that their fulltime job is looking after their children, like my mum didnt work when i was in nursery ft but that's because she had newborn twins. if you are a mum that sends your children to nursery ft most days then your not really a sahm your just somebody that doesnt work, sahm implies spending most of what would be a normal working day looking after your children which obv wouldnt be done if they are at nursery 9 -5


----------



## hopeandpray

polo_princess said:


> Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(

my mum had me in her late 30s and put me in nursery because she was a great mum that knew that i enjoyed learning and spending time with other children :thumbup:


----------



## golcarlilly

DottyLottie said:


> In many European countries children start school full time at 2.5, it's not a bad thing!

OMG that IS such a bad thing, no way are children ready to be away from their parents all day every day at that age IMHO!


----------



## indy and lara

polo_princess said:


> Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(

Not at all what I meant when I mentioned age. For me it is about my age- I have no problems about the fact I have very little 'me' time because I have had many, many years of lots of me time. There will be many younger Mummies who have no problem having any time to themselves but when I was in my early 20s I don't think I would have coped with being in my 4 walls full time.

I am not sure why people would think that using a nursery makes you neglectful. Of course it doesn't.


----------



## polo_princess

Of course it doesn't IMO but that's how the thread reads, ESP since the word neglectful started getting thrown around.

Bit of a pants feeling for nursery mummies to read :(


----------



## Szaffi

golcarlilly said:


> DottyLottie said:
> 
> 
> In many European countries children start school full time at 2.5, it's not a bad thing!
> 
> OMG that IS such a bad thing, no way are children ready to be away from their parents all day every day at that age IMHO!Click to expand...

Here in Belgium (I think also in France), it is the norm to start 'ecole maternelle' at 2.5 years old. It's like kindergarten, they play, but also have 'structured' activities as well. It pushed kids to become potty trained very early, and gives them a lot of independence. It's not compulsory, but the majority of the kids attend. The regular ecole is between 8-12, and in the afternoon there are 'garderies' (i.e. less structured playgroups) for kids of parents who work and can't pick them up.

There are a lot of reasons to send your kid there, but most kids seem to do fine under this system and transition to school easily. 

But then again, the norm here is two working parents with 15 weeks of maternity leave, so many children go to nursery as young as 4 months old, and nobody criticises the parents who do this or assume that they don't love their kids as much as SAHMs. 

I think it's great if a family can afford the mum to stay at home, but passing judgment on other people's choices without knowing their exact circumstances really baffles me.

Someone may stay at home, but have a difficult newborn and feel that their older child may be better cared for or provided better stimulus and a calmer environment at a nursery. They may be trying to study, so they can go back to work and provide for their family. There may be a million reasons. 

I think the most important thing to remember is that the vast majority of parents truly love their children and will try to do the best they can for them.


----------



## ocean_pearl

I work in preschool in a nursery and there are a few mums who send their kids in as young as 10 month old 8am - 6pm everyday, its very sad, especially as the mums dont work. I know some have to go back to work, so thats understandable.
We usually see their first steps/words before the parents (Which we dont tell them as it will upset them i suspect).

I do agree with a couple of days a week for interaction, but only at 2 years onwards really, there are classes the mum can bring the babies to before that.

Alot of the children who are fulltime arent even happy to see their parents when they come to get them, they're more attached to us since they're with us mon-fri 8am-6pm, the preschool is basically their home!


----------



## Rhi_Rhi1

I don't understand how this has been turned into older mums saying they don't need "me time" and younger mums do ?! .... i don't think anyone has said they put there child into nursery so they can watch tv or clean the house :) 
it almost looks to me as if people are implying that younger mums are doing this because they are lazy.... 
but i think most people have said they do this because they want there child to socialize and for some people this isn't something they can give them from home, for example luke goes one morning a week, 
8-1 i have to get up an hour earlier then i usually do to take him and i walk! so by the time i get back home i have to leave again (or thats how it feels) so im actually making my day more difficult so Luke can do something i know he enjoys :)


----------



## Szaffi

ocean_pearl said:


> Alot of the children who are fulltime arent even happy to see their parents when they come to get them, they're more attached to us since they're with us mon-fri 8am-6pm, the preschool is basically their home!

I think this is an utterly cruel thing to say!


----------



## Laura2919

Wobbles said:


> My girls don't have much (if any) family around them :( in fact none of my Dads side have seen the girls in maybe a year now although they are half hour away, so I guess from a personal point I feel they miss out there. In nursery for me they are interacting with other adults (obviously) and also other age groups from baby room to after school club (where they can go and be taken to school and back after school for parents who start work early and finish later than end of school time) - they do mingle them either in the outside play area or in one inside play room towards the end of day.
> 
> Marley, my two don't stop nothing has changed between them in fact it gets worse sometimes :|

Chloe and Jaycee fight all the time!


----------



## ocean_pearl

Szaffi said:


> ocean_pearl said:
> 
> 
> Alot of the children who are fulltime arent even happy to see their parents when they come to get them, they're more attached to us since they're with us mon-fri 8am-6pm, the preschool is basically their home!
> 
> I think this is an utterly cruel thing to say!Click to expand...

Not cruel, just truthful. They dont go to their parents and sometimes cry when they come, its very upsetting to see actually, i wasnt being judgemental or anything, this is just things i have observed working there over 4 years


----------



## Laura2919

lulu61388 said:


> polo_princess said:
> 
> 
> Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(
> 
> i agree :(. especially when people don't know the circumstances of why someone puts their kids in nursery/day care.Click to expand...

Agreed.. I cant afford to be a SAHM.. I have to work! Im not trash!


----------



## Laura2919

ocean_pearl said:


> Szaffi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ocean_pearl said:
> 
> 
> Alot of the children who are fulltime arent even happy to see their parents when they come to get them, they're more attached to us since they're with us mon-fri 8am-6pm, the preschool is basically their home!
> 
> I think this is an utterly cruel thing to say!Click to expand...
> 
> Not cruel, just truthful. They dont go to their parents and sometimes cry when they come, its very upsetting to see actually, i wasnt being judgemental or anything, this is just things i have observed working there over 4 yearsClick to expand...

What a load of s**t! My niece was always excited when we came to get her be it my sister, me, my mum or dad, anyone for that matter.. 
My girls go in and say bye mummy and then when I come and get them they come running for a cuddle.. Honestly! What a load of garbage!


----------



## Szaffi

Laura2919 said:


> ocean_pearl said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Szaffi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ocean_pearl said:
> 
> 
> Alot of the children who are fulltime arent even happy to see their parents when they come to get them, they're more attached to us since they're with us mon-fri 8am-6pm, the preschool is basically their home!
> 
> I think this is an utterly cruel thing to say!Click to expand...
> 
> Not cruel, just truthful. They dont go to their parents and sometimes cry when they come, its very upsetting to see actually, i wasnt being judgemental or anything, this is just things i have observed working there over 4 yearsClick to expand...
> 
> What a load of s**t! My niece was always excited when we came to get her be it my sister, me, my mum or dad, anyone for that matter..
> My girls go in and say bye mummy and then when I come and get them they come running for a cuddle.. Honestly! What a load of garbage!Click to expand...

Ocean pearl, you do sound very judgemental certainly. I've never had this happen with my girl, and never seen any other babies in our nursery not happy about their parents picking them up. I'm sure kids may be grumpy when they are tired, and they can get attached to secondary care-givers (if they are any good), but their parents are their parents even if they have to put them into nursery.


----------



## polo_princess

I don't think it meant to be a "young mums" thing but it came across like it. You will all know about nursery politics and how certain groups of mums, be it young/old/fat/thin whatever, get looked down on by other mums so it's hard not to automatically jump on the defensive where this topic is concerned.

I'm on my phone so forgive me. To the poster who said kids wernt happy to see their parents. What an awfully insensitive thing to say, it may well be the truth in some cases but do you really think there is any need to throw that into the pot to make what is already a tough subject for working mothers even harder?


----------



## ocean_pearl

I certainly didnt mean all children weren't happy,i just meant those who were very young and were there everyday 8-6pm sometimes cried and felt confused when their parents came. Sorry to cause upset


----------



## ocean_pearl

Also. i didnt mean to come across judgemental, i even said i know the parents have to work. I really feel for the parents and help support them through difficult times, i dont judge them


----------



## marley2580

I think that almost anyone who reads this thread could get offended (one or two posters have said that it's wrong to not send your LO to school). I think we just need to look at what's right for our own situation and agree to disagree IMO


----------



## Laura2919

marley2580 said:


> I think that almost anyone who reads this thread could get offended (one or two posters have said that it's wrong to not send your LO to school). I think we just need to look at what's right for our own situation and agree to disagree IMO

I think your right, we all have different lives and different reasons for what we do. I know some people think we dont have to send our children to nursery but in some cases we just cant afford not to work and others who can afford to stay home dont need to.


----------



## Wobbles

I don't think its 'wrong' if a child doesn't attend a nursery before 3, I think from personal experience it _can be_ an advantage but doesn't suit everyone! Example: Marley, I read your a SAHM and have plenty/enough of family, friends & activities around you, play groups are just as good and interacting too (its practically the same thing only nursery's are mostly for when parents are working) where as if you compare that to me personally I'm at home yes but we work and because of our working life nursery was a realistic option for us & the girls ...*if* I didn't work they would not be in nursery full-time and if affordable I am sure I would use the nursery option for a day or 2 because we're not fortunate enough to have many people around us (I was the sheep so it seems my girls are too :(), not how I want it but that's how it is and also I suffer quite severely sometimes with anxiety and 'groups' unease me! All that in mind for me personally if I didn't work 5 days a week I think a day or two in nursery would benefit my girls.

It's not an age thing (I'm 30) ...? 

Totally take my hat off to Mums like you Marley who plan to and succeed in educating their own children, it's uncommon to hear of but I don't see that as a 'wrong' either.


----------



## Wobbles

* Sorry I edited my post it was a bit all over, another coffee I think :lol:


----------



## Abz1982

marley2580 said:


> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I* don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home,* they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...


That is a bit harsh, I wasnt neglected at home - but my mum was busy keeping house and caring for my little sister, so I didnt get much attention as there wasnt enough to go round. I would have benefited GREATLY from going to nursery. But my mother in no way neglected me!


----------



## marley2580

Wobbs - I take my hat off to you running your own business from home as that's something I could never do, I simply don't have the discipline. And that's the thing, we are all different, our families are all different and what works for one doesn't work for another. 

Again, I apologise for my badly worded first post, I had got a little annoyed at the implication that my kids were going to miss out but not going to nursery. I really don't think that nursery is a bad choice as such, I just feel that it doesn't offer anything more than can be provided at home by a stay at home parent.


----------



## AppleBlossom

I couldn't afford to send lo to nursery if I wasn't working. She will be going to playschool when she is 2.5 but I hope to be working by then. She is going for the social side, she learns well at home as she is very bright. But there are not a lot of activities here for her age group so she doesn't get much interaction with other children which I think is important


----------



## marley2580

Abz1982 said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I* don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home,* they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...
> 
> 
> That is a bit harsh, I wasnt neglected at home - but my mum was busy keeping house and caring for my little sister, so I didnt get much attention as there wasnt enough to go round. I would have benefited GREATLY from going to nursery. But my mother in no way neglected me!Click to expand...

Please see my subsequent posts - the intended emphasis was on the word NEED.


----------



## dizzyisacow

if i didnt have someone to help out after i have baby i would send him to nursery whilst on maternity leave due to it beeing very hard to look after a toddler after giving birth for at least a few weeks after.


----------



## Abz1982

marley2580 said:


> Abz1982 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Blah11 said:
> 
> 
> You can take them to playgroup and tumbletots, baby gymnastics, swimming etc etc when you're a SAHM. I dont think there's a need for nursery when you arent working tbh.
> 
> I totally agree. My kids wont be going to nursery, but then I will be home educating them so they won't be going to school either. We get out the house most days and when we're home they are interacting with me and each other. I* don't think kids need nursery unless they are totally neglected at home,* they learn all the time whether they're at home or in nurseryClick to expand...
> 
> 
> That is a bit harsh, I wasnt neglected at home - but my mum was busy keeping house and caring for my little sister, so I didnt get much attention as there wasnt enough to go round. I would have benefited GREATLY from going to nursery. But my mother in no way neglected me!Click to expand...
> 
> Please see my subsequent posts - the intended emphasis was on the word NEED.Click to expand...


Ok, but they do NEED to socialise with children of a similar age. Emma gets really upset when we are out and she sees other children and she wants to go play but cant - be on way to or from some where. To the point where if she then gets too excited when she does play with them, and it puts other parents off. If I was a SAHM, the only real thing around here she could do to socialise is nurseries or day care. I know none of the local mums as well, this is not my area and they are not my kinda people.


----------



## marley2580

Yes they do need to socialise with other children, but I don't believe that that can only happen at nursery. Perhaps in your circumstances you feel that's the best place for it to happen, but for me my kids can play with local kids at the park or the soft play, they meet kids at the library and toddler group.


----------



## AppleBlossom

marley2580 said:


> Yes they do need to socialise with other children, but I don't believe that that can only happen at nursery. Perhaps in your circumstances you feel that's the best place for it to happen, but for me my kids can play with local kids at the park or the soft play, they meet kids at the library and toddler group.

Yeah I know, that's why I said she's going to playschool, as there ate not many other places for her to meet other children here, if there us then it's not as important as long as they are learning one way or another


----------



## Laura2919

marley2580 said:


> Yes they do need to socialise with other children, but I don't believe that that can only happen at nursery. Perhaps in your circumstances you feel that's the best place for it to happen, but for me my kids can play with local kids at the park or the soft play, they meet kids at the library and toddler group.

My girls dont just go to nursery, we have a wide range of things we do through the week and weekend. Yes, they go to nursery Monday to Friday and yes, I love it because they get what they need and I get a bit of time to myself with adult conversation! 
Afternoons I will take my girls for walks with the puppy, to our local community centre and they have play time where they are allowed to socialise with adults and children. 
I believe a good education is necessary, I am not qualified in teaching therefore I do not believe my children would be better off home schooled. I will send them to a private nursery as they do now and until they are 4 will remain there as long as I can afford to send them! Then they will start reception. 

My niece can speak numerous words in french and has done since the age of about 2.5 because she learnt it at nursery, we dont speak french at home so she is unable to learn them things. 

I dont think home schooling is bad but I believe you need qualifications in order to teach them things they can learn at school. Its all well and good saying that they learn all their skills from watching other people and being at home with their siblings and parents but what about the things you cant teach them? Like maths, science, english? I am in the UK and as far as I'm concerened these are basic grades for any kind of good job!


----------



## Mum2b_Claire

indy and lara said:


> polo_princess said:
> 
> 
> Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(
> 
> Not at all what I meant when I mentioned age. For me it is about my age- I have no problems about the fact I have very little 'me' time because I have had many, many years of lots of me time. There will be many younger Mummies who have no problem having any time to themselves but when I was in my early 20s I don't think I would have coped with being in my 4 walls full time.
> 
> I am not sure why people would think that using a nursery makes you neglectful. Of course it doesn't.Click to expand...

I agree with you Indy and lara, I was the same in my early 20s, I would not have been in the right place to be a SAHM. 
Polo I really don't think the word neglectful was used to describe people who put their LOs in nurseries when they are working or when they have other special circumstances that mean nursery is the best option. I think the poster was just saying that she thinks nursery is only better than being at home (without any special circumstances) if the child was being neglected. No one was saying that _needing_ to use childcare is in any way a negative reflection on how the child was being treated at home.


----------



## marley2580

Laura2919 said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> Yes they do need to socialise with other children, but I don't believe that that can only happen at nursery. Perhaps in your circumstances you feel that's the best place for it to happen, but for me my kids can play with local kids at the park or the soft play, they meet kids at the library and toddler group.
> 
> My girls dont just go to nursery, we have a wide range of things we do through the week and weekend. Yes, they go to nursery Monday to Friday and yes, I love it because they get what they need and I get a bit of time to myself with adult conversation!
> Afternoons I will take my girls for walks with the puppy, to our local community centre and they have play time where they are allowed to socialise with adults and children.
> I believe a good education is necessary, I am not qualified in teaching therefore I do not believe my children would be better off home schooled. I will send them to a private nursery as they do now and until they are 4 will remain there as long as I can afford to send them! Then they will start reception.
> 
> My niece can speak numerous words in french and has done since the age of about 2.5 because she learnt it at nursery, we dont speak french at home so she is unable to learn them things.
> 
> I dont think home schooling is bad but I believe you need qualifications in order to teach them things they can learn at school. Its all well and good saying that they learn all their skills from watching other people and being at home with their siblings and parents but what about the things you cant teach them? Like maths, science, english? I am in the UK and as far as I'm concerened these are basic grades for any kind of good job!Click to expand...

The thing with home education is that it's not about teaching your children, it's about enabling your child to learn the things they need and want. Everything you need to know and learn can be found outside of school eg in the library or on the internet. I know it works as I was home educated, as were my brothers, and I went on to gain an MA(hons) at university while my brothers are both in well paying jobs.


----------



## Laura2919

Mum2b_Claire said:


> indy and lara said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> polo_princess said:
> 
> 
> Hmm i think its a little unfair to imply that people are neglectful and that its also something to do with age because now _I feel _like people see mothers who put their kids into nursery as pretty much young trash :(
> 
> Not at all what I meant when I mentioned age. For me it is about my age- I have no problems about the fact I have very little 'me' time because I have had many, many years of lots of me time. There will be many younger Mummies who have no problem having any time to themselves but when I was in my early 20s I don't think I would have coped with being in my 4 walls full time.
> 
> I am not sure why people would think that using a nursery makes you neglectful. Of course it doesn't.Click to expand...
> 
> I agree with you Indy and lara, I was the same in my early 20s, I would not have been in the right place to be a SAHM.
> Polo I really don't think the word neglectful was used to describe people who put their LOs in nurseries when they are working or when they have other special circumstances that mean nursery is the best option. I think the poster was just saying that she thinks nursery is only better than being at home (without any special circumstances) if the child was being neglected. No one was saying that _needing_ to use childcare is in any way a negative reflection on how the child was being treated at home.Click to expand...

I could be wrong but then I think it was brought up that even SAHM's need time to themselves.. I dont know who said it as there was lots of posts when I came back. If it was said, sounded like that from what I read. 

I dont think that it is necessary for a child to be put in nursery unless needs be but at the same time as long as its not full time and the parent is doing nothing but having a full 5 days break then whats the harm, Nurseries are expensive and you cannot claim childcare element on your tax credits without working 16hrs or a more a week so its not paid for by the government!


----------



## dani_tinks

Each to their own IMO :) 
Im a young SAHM and Jacob will be staying at home with me until he's 3 - then he'll go to preschool.


----------



## Cheryl xx

I'm a SAHM Grace went to nursery at 31/2 for 2 afternoons a week even though i was home. Admittedly i did enjoy this time as it ment i could do all the housework on a monday afternoon and do the food shop on the friday afternoon and spend the rest of the week with Grace. I have no doubt that Grace loved nursery and playing with other children (she is the youngest by 20 years in our family) /at 31/2 if she didn't enjoy it we'd have known about it xx


----------



## mamalove

I'm a SAHM and my daughter is starting nursery this week. I will be paying for extra 15 hrs a week, so she'll be going from 9-3 three days a week, and 12.30-3.30 two days. She has no toddler friends and i think she'll love it there, and i get to do things with twins and do a bit of studying inbetween,we'll see :)


----------



## Wobbles

marley2580 said:


> Wobbs - I take my hat off to you running your own business from home as that's something I could never do, I simply don't have the discipline. And that's the thing, we are all different, our families are all different and what works for one doesn't work for another.
> 
> Again, I apologise for my badly worded first post, I had got a little annoyed at the implication that my kids were going to miss out but not going to nursery. I really don't think that nursery is a bad choice as such, I just feel that it doesn't offer anything more than can be provided at home by a stay at home parent.

I understood what you meant the second time round :D x

We tried working with Caitlin at home and then with Caitlin & Megan, Megan was born March 2009 Caitlin went to Nursery in November 2009 just before she was 2. We tried but we were fighting time with the children to get some work done which in turn was unfair on them. Megan didn't go to Nursery at first but I think started in February 2010 work distracted us from the attention she needed.

SAHM it would be different in fact we plan to move and I am hoping when we do and OH works in his Dads offices that it might give room for less nursery days, less working days for me too. It is boggling working from home not from just this angle but me & OH are constantly on each others toes! x


----------



## Tegans Mama

Tegan is starting nursery soon (after we've moved) and we're both home fulltime -m however since she's disabled our circumstances are very different to that of the parents of a healthy child. She's going to nursery (and 3 hours a week with a child minder also) to give us a break because she needs so much care.


----------



## helen1234

Tegans Mama said:


> Tegan is starting nursery soon (after we've moved) and we're both home fulltime -m however since she's disabled our circumstances are very different to that of the parents of a healthy child. She's going to nursery (and 3 hours a week with a child minder also) to give us a break because she needs so much care.

thats part of the reason rosie went to nursery as a toddler (22 mnths old) to begin with it was to give me a break because i was a single parent and she hardly slept (she's epileptic) she went 2 days a week , i started college a few months after and her hours went upto 4 hrs a week, 
at 3 yrs old she swapped to a childminder because she started state nursery and i wanted her to make friends with children her own age to move up to school with.

i've had my children in nursery and childminder and been a sahm and to be honest i cant see any difference in either of their developments, rosie was always behind potty training etc but emotionally no different.

its all about circumstances and everyones circumstances change, 10 yrs ago i had to work i was a single parent, now i dont have to struggle so much because i've prepared being a mum again for 7 yrs, had a small mortgage etc.
in a few yrs time it could all change my oh could lose his job so those who slate parents for using alternative childcare might be forced to eat their words


----------



## TTC LADY

Riya has just started nursery, 5 days per week from 8am - 2pm each day, even though i only work 4 days per week. I also take her on fridays as it gives me an opportunitz to clean whole house, do the weekly shop, cooking etc. This way we can enjoy weekends with DH instead of spending time cleaning, shopping etc,

Also Riya seems to love nursery, she gets really excited and giggly when we get there in morning. If she didnt enjoy it, then i would likely keep her at home on Fridays when i dont work.


----------



## SaskySprite

Hmm well when I start maternity leave my little boy will reduce his hours at nursery to 1 day a week. and then when baby arrives it will be 2 days per week. He loves nursery completely, I am one to see the full benefits of nursery, the social interaction, the stimulation and fun. I wouldn't take that away from him and at the same time it will give me a break with a new baby for 2 days per week and some bonding time on our own.

However i wouldn't send him full time if i am at home, i want to spend some time with him!

I cant understand, on the other side of the fence, why mums cant see that toddlers need other toddlers to play with on their own. and that a few hours each week to be able to do this is important in them becoming independent and learning to fend and be themselves, without mummy around.


----------



## marley2580

SaskySprite said:


> I cant understand, on the other side of the fence, why mums cant see that toddlers need other toddlers to play with on their own. and that a few hours each week to be able to do this is important in them becoming independent and learning to fend and be themselves, without mummy around.

See, from my point of view I don't think that toddlers should learn to fend for themselves etc. I think that they will naturally learn independence as and when they're ready. My eldest turns 3 in November and she is extremely independent already - she plays on her own quite happily, she wants to do things herself etc. Today I came down the stairs to find her making toast! 

I see my role as being there (albeit from a distance sometimes) for her to come to if she feels the need for me, so she can learn her comfort limits and challenge them herself as she gets older. Maybe it's an attachment parenting thing, or maybe it's just me, but it works for us :thumbup:


----------



## keldac

I cant understand, on the other side of the fence, why mums cant see that toddlers need other toddlers to play with on their own. and that a few hours each week to be able to do this is important in them becoming independent and learning to fend and be themselves, without mummy around.[/QUOTE]

I strongly diagree with this statement. I'm a sahm mum and attend all the local playgroups with my baby. There is no need for a toddler to learn to fend for themselves - there's plenty of time for them to learn life skills when they go to school. Whilst they are toddlers I just enjoy life with them, not life without them.

I have 2 older children as well and they never went to nursery and stayed with me until pre-school. They are now happy little independent people quite capable of being with their friends and without mum for their little after school clubs.


----------



## roxie78

My son goes to nursery 3 days a week while I work. But if I have the day off, unless we are going on holiday or something I'll still send him to nursery. We pay for that day regardless and he LOVES nursery so he may as well be there and like others have said, I can get stuff done e.g jobs round the house or whatever. :)


----------



## kty1989

can understand the mum on maternity leave as u need to minamised change or disruption as much as possiable when introducing a new Lo. but the iif i was the mum on holiday i wud want to make the most off time with my kids b4 retunin to work


----------



## helen1234

keldac said:


> I cant understand, on the other side of the fence, why mums cant see that toddlers need other toddlers to play with on their own. and that a few hours each week to be able to do this is important in them becoming independent and learning to fend and be themselves, without mummy around.




keldac said:


> I strongly diagree with this statement. I'm a sahm mum and attend all the local playgroups with my baby. There is no need for a toddler to learn to fend for themselves - there's plenty of time for them to learn life skills when they go to school. Whilst they are toddlers I just enjoy life with them, not life without them.
> 
> I have 2 older children as well and they never went to nursery and stayed with me until pre-school. They are now happy little independent people quite capable of being with their friends and without mum for their little after school clubs.

got to agree with keldac here, you dont need to send children to nursery to learn the value of sharing and socialising,
rhys is brilliant with other children he's not shy he goes to toddler groups and he's not scared if i leave him, i think he's quite a content child and everything he could do at nursery i do with him at home on one to one basis.


----------



## Midnight_Fairy

I personally wouldnt. I hate the fact mine have to go to school now :(


----------



## Tegans Mama

helen1234 said:


> Tegans Mama said:
> 
> 
> Tegan is starting nursery soon (after we've moved) and we're both home fulltime -m however since she's disabled our circumstances are very different to that of the parents of a healthy child. She's going to nursery (and 3 hours a week with a child minder also) to give us a break because she needs so much care.
> 
> thats part of the reason rosie went to nursery as a toddler (22 mnths old) to begin with it was to give me a break because i was a single parent and she hardly slept (she's epileptic) she went 2 days a week , i started college a few months after and her hours went upto 4 hrs a week,
> at 3 yrs old she swapped to a childminder because she started state nursery and i wanted her to make friends with children her own age to move up to school with.
> 
> i've had my children in nursery and childminder and been a sahm and to be honest i cant see any difference in either of their developments, rosie was always behind potty training etc but emotionally no different.
> 
> its all about circumstances and everyones circumstances change, 10 yrs ago i had to work i was a single parent, now i dont have to struggle so much because i've prepared being a mum again for 7 yrs, had a small mortgage etc.
> in a few yrs time it could all change my oh could lose his job so those who slate parents for using alternative childcare might be forced to eat their wordsClick to expand...

:flower: Another reason why she is going to nursery (and also why we're considering her going to a specialist nursery for children with special needs or slow development) is because she IS behind with her development now. As much as neither me nor OH likes to admit it, she IS behind (albeit only slightly) and I'm not a teacher... there is only so much I can do.


----------



## OmarsMum

I'm planning to send Omar to a nursery in Dec or Jan when the weather is cooler. It will be for 2-3 hrs only twice a wk. We dont go to any baby groups as they'r all too far away & it's too hot to travel 1 hr to reach a baby group. I want him to socialize with other LOs his age. But we'll be TTC when Omar is 18-24 mnths, & if my pregnancy is not stable like my previous, I will have to consider full time or maybe more days in a week.


----------



## katycam

Austin used to go to nursery when i was at home because we wanted him to get used to other children and get into an environment which will prepare him for school.
I think it is a brilliant idea to help them get used to being away from you.
And in nursery they learn so so much. The only reason we stopped is because it was too expensive!


----------



## Laura2919

marley2580 said:


> Laura2919 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> Yes they do need to socialise with other children, but I don't believe that that can only happen at nursery. Perhaps in your circumstances you feel that's the best place for it to happen, but for me my kids can play with local kids at the park or the soft play, they meet kids at the library and toddler group.
> 
> My girls dont just go to nursery, we have a wide range of things we do through the week and weekend. Yes, they go to nursery Monday to Friday and yes, I love it because they get what they need and I get a bit of time to myself with adult conversation!
> Afternoons I will take my girls for walks with the puppy, to our local community centre and they have play time where they are allowed to socialise with adults and children.
> I believe a good education is necessary, I am not qualified in teaching therefore I do not believe my children would be better off home schooled. I will send them to a private nursery as they do now and until they are 4 will remain there as long as I can afford to send them! Then they will start reception.
> 
> My niece can speak numerous words in french and has done since the age of about 2.5 because she learnt it at nursery, we dont speak french at home so she is unable to learn them things.
> 
> I dont think home schooling is bad but I believe you need qualifications in order to teach them things they can learn at school. Its all well and good saying that they learn all their skills from watching other people and being at home with their siblings and parents but what about the things you cant teach them? Like maths, science, english? I am in the UK and as far as I'm concerened these are basic grades for any kind of good job!Click to expand...
> 
> The thing with home education is that it's not about teaching your children, it's about enabling your child to learn the things they need and want. Everything you need to know and learn can be found outside of school eg in the library or on the internet. I know it works as I was home educated, as were my brothers, and I went on to gain an MA(hons) at university while my brothers are both in well paying jobs.Click to expand...

But what you want doesnt get you a job does it? I want to be a millionaire Im not going to find that at home? If any place I should of found it at school and gone to college and uni and then I might of been succesful like that! I believe you need an education from a school unless your have a qualified teacher at home with you. Thats my opinion! I dont believe that my kids would benefit from being at home all day everyday!


----------



## Laura2919

marley2580 said:


> SaskySprite said:
> 
> 
> I cant understand, on the other side of the fence, why mums cant see that toddlers need other toddlers to play with on their own. and that a few hours each week to be able to do this is important in them becoming independent and learning to fend and be themselves, without mummy around.
> 
> See, from my point of view I don't think that toddlers should learn to fend for themselves etc. I think that they will naturally learn independence as and when they're ready. My eldest turns 3 in November and she is extremely independent already - she plays on her own quite happily, she wants to do things herself etc. Today I came down the stairs to find her making toast!
> 
> I see my role as being there (albeit from a distance sometimes) for her to come to if she feels the need for me, so she can learn her comfort limits and challenge them herself as she gets older. Maybe it's an attachment parenting thing, or maybe it's just me, but it works for us :thumbup:Click to expand...

Now your making it sound like I leave my children to just get on with cooking their own dinner.. Lol, fending for themselves??? In what way? My daughters have all they need and want, toys, clothes, food and drink, a roof over their heads, two loving parents, loving families, support when they need it.. I am not sure in what sense you mean we leave them to fend for themselves?? Because I send my children to nursery doesnt mean we arent good at what we do with them and I am certainly not giving my children to just anyone, I thoroughly researched into their placement and I made sure some education would be taught! They dont go their to learn how to get food out the freezer and stick it in the oven at 6pm when they have their dinner!!! They go there to be taught life skills and skills they will need to get further in life and yes they are only 19 months old but what is wrong in teaching them early. Chloe and Jaycee are happy and healthy and love nursery, they love interacting with children and have come a long way since they were born 10 weeks early.. I believe my nursery has supported me and helped me every step of the way.


----------



## wispa86

Ben goes to a creche twice a week for two hours and im at home. I send him because he absolutely loves it, at first i sent him because my hubby was deployed. I think its good for him to be able to interact with babies his age without me there, so getting used to not being joined to my hip and also for me to be able to make appointments which arent practical to go to when he is around.

When he turns two his creche have the option of doing just afternoons or 9-2 and i havent decided whether to send him for the full session twice a week to prepare him for when he has to go 2 and a half full fays when he turns 3

I was a nanny for a few years and the mother wasnt working, i didnt understand that because she just used to sit down all day whilst i looked after her kids, but she was paying me so who was i to argue ;)


----------



## marley2580

Laura2919 said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SaskySprite said:
> 
> 
> I cant understand, on the other side of the fence, why mums cant see that toddlers need other toddlers to play with on their own. and that a few hours each week to be able to do this is important in them becoming independent and learning to fend and be themselves, without mummy around.
> 
> See, from my point of view I don't think that toddlers should learn to fend for themselves etc. I think that they will naturally learn independence as and when they're ready. My eldest turns 3 in November and she is extremely independent already - she plays on her own quite happily, she wants to do things herself etc. Today I came down the stairs to find her making toast!
> 
> I see my role as being there (albeit from a distance sometimes) for her to come to if she feels the need for me, so she can learn her comfort limits and challenge them herself as she gets older. Maybe it's an attachment parenting thing, or maybe it's just me, but it works for us :thumbup:Click to expand...
> 
> Now your making it sound like I leave my children to just get on with cooking their own dinner.. Lol, fending for themselves??? In what way? My daughters have all they need and want, toys, clothes, food and drink, a roof over their heads, two loving parents, loving families, support when they need it.. I am not sure in what sense you mean we leave them to fend for themselves?? Because I send my children to nursery doesnt mean we arent good at what we do with them and I am certainly not giving my children to just anyone, I thoroughly researched into their placement and I made sure some education would be taught! They dont go their to learn how to get food out the freezer and stick it in the oven at 6pm when they have their dinner!!! They go there to be taught life skills and skills they will need to get further in life and yes they are only 19 months old but what is wrong in teaching them early. Chloe and Jaycee are happy and healthy and love nursery, they love interacting with children and have come a long way since they were born 10 weeks early.. I believe my nursery has supported me and helped me every step of the way.Click to expand...

I said fend for themselves in reply to SaskySprite, who used that term. She was talking about them learning independence and I am simply saying that I don't want my kids to learn independence, I want them to discover it for themselves


----------



## marley2580

Laura2919 said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Laura2919 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> Yes they do need to socialise with other children, but I don't believe that that can only happen at nursery. Perhaps in your circumstances you feel that's the best place for it to happen, but for me my kids can play with local kids at the park or the soft play, they meet kids at the library and toddler group.
> 
> My girls dont just go to nursery, we have a wide range of things we do through the week and weekend. Yes, they go to nursery Monday to Friday and yes, I love it because they get what they need and I get a bit of time to myself with adult conversation!
> Afternoons I will take my girls for walks with the puppy, to our local community centre and they have play time where they are allowed to socialise with adults and children.
> I believe a good education is necessary, I am not qualified in teaching therefore I do not believe my children would be better off home schooled. I will send them to a private nursery as they do now and until they are 4 will remain there as long as I can afford to send them! Then they will start reception.
> 
> My niece can speak numerous words in french and has done since the age of about 2.5 because she learnt it at nursery, we dont speak french at home so she is unable to learn them things.
> 
> I dont think home schooling is bad but I believe you need qualifications in order to teach them things they can learn at school. Its all well and good saying that they learn all their skills from watching other people and being at home with their siblings and parents but what about the things you cant teach them? Like maths, science, english? I am in the UK and as far as I'm concerened these are basic grades for any kind of good job!Click to expand...
> 
> The thing with home education is that it's not about teaching your children, it's about enabling your child to learn the things they need and want. Everything you need to know and learn can be found outside of school eg in the library or on the internet. I know it works as I was home educated, as were my brothers, and I went on to gain an MA(hons) at university while my brothers are both in well paying jobs.Click to expand...
> 
> But what you want doesnt get you a job does it? I want to be a millionaire Im not going to find that at home? If any place I should of found it at school and gone to college and uni and then I might of been succesful like that! I believe you need an education from a school unless your have a qualified teacher at home with you. Thats my opinion! I dont believe that my kids would benefit from being at home all day everyday!Click to expand...

I totally respect that you believe that school is the best place for your kids to learn what they need to learn. I simply don't believe that it's the best place for my kids to learn. I think that you maybe have a different understanding from me about what is meant by home education. It certainly is not about setting up a schoolroom in your house and holding lessons with the kids. It's about finding out what your kids are interested in and using that to help them gain the skills needed in life. We get out and about a fair amount, and we will continue to do so throughout my kids childhood, they certainly won't be home all day everyday. 

Kids are born with a love of learning and IMO school sometimes makes them lose that love (I saw it happen with my sister).


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

The thing is many parents have to work or carry on education. That means children have to go to nursery. Because many people just cant be SAHM's due to finacial situations.

Aidan has been to mum and baby/toddler groups this year. While I took a year out due to postnatal depression. He has just hit the clingy stage which is heartbreaking when I leave him. But I have to do it. I have no other choice. I have to finish my education so I can get a good enough job to provide for my son. I coudl have stayed on benifits until he was at school but I didn't want to do that. I have the support of my OH and family which makes that possible.

Like I said previosuly if I was a SAHM when aidan turned 3. I would have sent him to nursery a few mornings a week to get him ready for school. Have some time apart from me and learn with his peers
xx


----------



## Faerie

This thread wasn't about working mums sending their children to nursery anyway, so there's no need to get upset about it if that's your case!


----------



## Feltzy

I took Evie out of nursery when I went on mat leave, she loved being with mummy at first but soon got bored! I enquired about her going to the same nursery for a few hours a couple of afternoons a week for her sake but they wanted £20 a day for 3 hours, so I really couldn't afford it. I wouldn't have put her in full time though when I'm at home, I know that when I worked she used to get bored towards the end of the day (she was in from 8am to 5pm) so I wouldn't put her in for that long unless I really needed to. She's just started pre-school nursery this week, she goes every afternoon for 3 hours and absolutely loves it. Its not compulsary for them to go to pre-school nursery but Evie was more than ready for it and its also nice to get a few hours one on one with Alfie.


----------



## Laura2919

Faerie said:


> This thread wasn't about working mums sending their children to nursery anyway, so there's no need to get upset about it if that's your case!

I dont think anyone is getting upset I think they are just stating what it is including me. I am saying there is nothing wrong with sending your child to a nursery to further their education even at a young age. 
I dont think its fair for a SAHM to send their child to nursery full time 5 days a week but I dont see the harm in one or two days a week!


----------



## helen1234

Aidan's Mummy said:


> The thing is many parents have to work or carry on education. That means children have to go to nursery. Because many people just cant be SAHM's due to finacial situations.
> 
> Aidan has been to mum and baby/toddler groups this year. While I took a year out due to postnatal depression. He has just hit the clingy stage which is heartbreaking when I leave him. But I have to do it. I have no other choice. I have to finish my education so I can get a good enough job to provide for my son. I coudl have stayed on benifits until he was at school but I didn't want to do that. I have the support of my OH and family which makes that possible.
> 
> Like I said previosuly if I was a SAHM when aidan turned 3. I would have sent him to nursery a few mornings a week to get him ready for school. Have some time apart from me and learn with his peers
> xx

Awwww him I'm sure before you've got the door he'd be off and playing
Like someone said this threads not about people who work ir study ysingchildcare that's absolutely acceptable :hugs:
It's about parents who sit at home and still put their kids in childcare,


What a load of tosh that hje reason parents put them in nursery from babies while they sit at home, so their child learns to socialise :wacko: never heard anything so ridiculous, while this might be a bonus to a working mum they would learn this, but they'd be doing this at the park. Toddler groups, meeting up with friends, going shopping, and it's part of their development aged 2 1/2 to start interaction anyway in which most toddlers start pre school.
I think I'd feel guilty for spending that much money sending a baby to nursery while I was sat at home, as well as the guilt someone was doing things for my baby that I could quite easily do myself at home, I'd question why I had kids in the 1st place


----------



## Szaffi

I'm probably going to be facing this dilemma when this lil' one is born. Bianka is in full-time nursery now as I work full-time. I'll probably have to keep paying the creche fees to keep her place for the time when I do need to go back to work. 

So she'll probably keep on going to not disrupt her routine, to give me a chance to care for the newborn, go to postnatal excercise, etc. However, I'll cut back on her time in the creche, and will probably stay at home with me some days of the week once life with the new baby is less crazy. 

We'll see - there are a lot of factors to consider, but I feel that there wouldn't be many things I could get done with 2 under 2s as I have no family close to me.


----------



## charlotteb24

I don't see the problem with putting a child into nursery at the age of 3 for a few days a week even if you are a stay at home mum. The 3+ curriculum the children are taught is the starting blocks of what they will be learning at school in the 1st year they are there. Reception class is technically the 2nd year of playgroup. 
As for sending younger children away for numerous full days at nursery if you are a stay at home mum, it begs the question why are you a stay at home mum? and how can you afford it if i'm working and I still couldn't afford to send my son full time to nursery without financially crippling myself! lol!

Each to their own i guess, but i would much rather be looking after my son at home if finances allowed. I would probably send him once a week like i still do, as thats my cleaning the house time haha! Noah has been going one half day a week since just after 1 as he won't let me clean if hes about! but until hes 3 and eligable for the 15 hours free thats all he will be doing!


----------



## evewidow

im a SAHM and my youngest son went to nursery from 15 months just one day a week , at the time my eldest was at preschool so i had 3 hours a week with no kids so i could shop get hair cuts dentist that kinda thing and also give the house a quick once over . my husband works away alot so i am the one with the kids 24/7 so a break is nice . also my son was quite clingy and due to the preschool times for my other son i couldnt get him into playgroups or anything . it also meant that after preschhol i got to do things one on one with my eldest son

however now the eldest is at school i have took him out of nursery as it means i can take him to groups and things i couldnt do before , plus with this one on the way the extra money comes in handy.

i wouldnt put him in everyday though i love being at home with my kids


----------



## PeanutBean

Wow this thread has got some pretty shocking stuff in it! Byron goes to nursery 3 days a week as we both work full time and our families live pretty far away. When I go on mat leave we are gonna do everything we can to keep Byron in nursery two half days a week as it is good for him and he enjoys it. I also want to get a little time with the new baby as Byron had with me. I agree with those who've said we don't know others' circumstances. People might be studying or whatever and need time to focus on that. Also you know some people are just not terribly confident parents by disposition and may both need a break and feel their child will do better getting some nursery time. It doesn't make them bad, just different. And as was previously said you can't claim tax credits for childcare unless both parents are working. So the sahm/d has to have some money there to pay for it. I'd quite like to be a sahm and to see my children all the time but if we could afford that I'd volunteer so it would still be good to be able to put them in nursery a little. All financial pipedreams for me though. It's true you can take kids to playgroups and the likes but most are pretty expensive. If I gave up work we wouldn't be able to afford nursery or groups.

Now I'm going to add something controversial. There have always been some rich parents that like to keep their kids out of the way, be it a nanny or boarding school. There's no difference with the modern rich parent who doesn't want their elegant life being spoiled by kids and their mess and cares. It's nothing new.
*I caveat this - not all rich people don't want their kids around; not all sah parents send their kids away for this reason; not all people send their kids to boarding school for this reason. But some people are like that.


----------



## EternalRose

Abigail will go to her childminders 3 days a week, because her Daddy is at uni and I have already started college. My course is only on Monday & Tuesday but on Wednesday I have bf peer support for 3 hours. From next Monday she will be at her childminders from 8am-6 Monday - Wed. She doesnt need to be there that long on a Wednesday, but I need a break! And I am not ashamed to admit it, me and my fiance havent even had a bite to eat alone since she was born and we have had zero support from our family. I am hoping that this will free up a bit of time for me and my fiance to spend a bit of time together. If I wasnt at college, and was doing an open university course Abigail would need to still go to a childminder for a little while as I need to study. As for being at home 5-7 days a week, and sending your children off for 5-7 days a week to nursery it does seem a bit much, but who am I too judge really? And I havent read the whole thread..YET.


----------



## Lara310809

OH and I have discussed this, and while we aren't sending her yet, we think it's important for LO to have some socialisation with other kids while she's still young, and so that when she goes to school, she already knows how to be around other kids, and how to share and respect one another. It's a different relationship to the one she will have with us, so she needs to learn a different behaviour. 

But we've agreed that she will only go _part time_, and I will either help out at the nursery while she's there (paid ideally, but voluntary if we have the money), or I will work part time elsewhere. I wouldn't send her to nursery on a full time basis and not do anything with my time. If you send them part time then you can understand that the mother might not get a job for those few hours, but if the kid's going every day, what's the mother doing with her time? IMO, if you're a SAHM, you should be mothering. If your kids aren't there to mother, then you're not really a SAHM, you're more of a housewife, which is fine too, but IMO it's not the same thing. 

As for having a second child, I would think (I haven't had a second one yet, so I can't say for sure), but I would imagine I would take the oldest child out of nursery while I was on leave with the second child. Why send one to nursery if you can look after both at home, and you're at home anyway? If you have the kind of money to do so, then I suppose you're coming from another perspective, but on the money we earn, if we had a second child and we were on one salary, we certainly coulnd't afford to put the older child in nursery when I was off with the youngest


----------



## xTaylorsMummy

my little girl goes playschool 1 full day n half a day a week, i stay at home with my DS whos 1. She loves it tbh, and i wouldnt change it! it gives me break and her a break. She will be getting it funded soon anyway.


----------



## cuteboots

My es went to childcare full time as I worked full time, I found when I took a day off work, my es didn't want to stay off as he loved going there because he had all his friends. When I went back to work after I had dd and ys, I hated leaving them I reduced my hours so they weren't at the childminders as long and found that I was using my annual leave to take days off to be with them so they weren't there all week. I have very little me time (actually OH manages to mind them for 1hr a week without the house burning down lol). Sometimes life is so short and things pass us by so quickly that I don't mind not having me time. I do understand that there are times when mums need to put their bubs in nursery when they are off but tbh, if Im not at work I prefer to have my bubs with me even though two toddlers can be a handful though not as much as my preteen... lol


----------



## jenny82

Good thread - this has been on my mind all week.

LO has started nursery - its a fulltime only creche, i.e. we pay for fulltime, whether he stays the whole time or not. When I start classes next week, I'm only in 2.5 days per week and off all of Wednesday and Thursday.

Part of me wants to keep him off as much as I can as I don't like the thought of him being in the nursery when he doesn't need to be. But part of me knows that, maybe not now but in a month or so, I will really need those days off. I can go to the library, or even just get cleaning or cooking done, so that I can concentrate more on the stuff I need to in the evenings when he is in bed. 

I was thinking that he could even go in for the morning session and I could get stuff done then pick him up at 12 before his big nap. But I feel guilty even just thinking about it!!!

The socialisation aspect is definitely a real benefit to the nursery. My LO is really sociable anyway but I think being around loads of other babies will be soooo good for him. My friend's child only started nursery a few weeks ago (at 3.5) and he doesn't really know how to handle himself around other kids at all and they only went to a couple of toddler groups/library sessions etc. Its a bit of an eyeopener for me and I'm glad in a way that LO gets the chance to get to know so many other kids :)


----------



## Pyrrhic

I have a friend who is a childminder and she has one child who's Mum doesn't work at all, and puts her child in full time. 

I put Niamh in with another childminder 2 afternoons a week for 4 hours at a time. So I can catch up on errands, food shop, studying, etc and it gives her time to play and socialise. I couldn't see myself doing it more though.


----------



## Abigailly

My mum is a childminder. She has one little boy who both his parents are at home, neither work just now, and they are a very well off family. He comes here 3 days a week and the is at play group both morning on the other 2 days.

I don't understand this, why have kids to pawn them off on others? This is my opinion.

I don't mean those who work, or study, or have younger children etc, his parents say they 'need the space'. I just can't get my head around it.


----------



## celine

Hmm interesting thread! In Holland I think the most common thing is that 2 working parents will each work 80% and each have one day at home with the lo and then the lo often has 3 days a week in creche or 2 and the one day with grandparents.

Sadly in our case we moved here during the resession and I got pregnant right away so never found work, daycare is extremely expensive and since when/if I ever find work id have to start from scratch we have decided that i stay at home with lo. 
Sometimes I feel guilty as hell about it that perhaps he isnt getting much social out of it etc etc but have come to realise its ok we ALL feel guilt, working mom have guilt when their kids are in creche and sahm have guilt when we are tired and think about going to work (well i def do!)
I think this thread was more that the op couldnt understand that if you are a mom who can be at home all day why would you send your lo to creche *fulltime* and i agree - why would you do that? I can totally understand 2-3 days a week for a change of scenery/social skills/let sahm do some housework or have a wee break and do other errands. 
So as guilty as I feel at times I am happy that I can be a sahm to Gabriel and I know we are blessed that we can surviive on one income. I take Gabriel to baby swimming, playgroup and meet other mums for playdates at *least* 3 x a week and try to do crafts etc with him and go for walks as well. he also goes to Sunday school at church so i think he gets enough socialization :)


----------

