# Bye Bye Baby Brealey



## lil bear

This is very difficult and probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write.

I was admitted to hospital on Tuesday 19th April 2011 with heavy bleeding and severe abdominal cramping. On Thursday, April 21st 2011, I received confirmation by an ultrasound scan that the baby I was expecting with my ex boyfriend Charlie and whose October arrival I had so anxiously anticipated, had been lost to miscarriage on Tuesday 19th April 2011 at 13 weeks and 5 days. The cause of the miscarriage is as yet unknown and sadly I will probably never know why :cry: 

It was the worst expereince of my life. I was taken to hospital by ambulance, then was told when we got there, that there was no room in the major area for me I'd have to sit out in the waiting room. I was left with no pain relief and for nearly 3 hours bleeding sat in the waiting room before I got to see a triage nurse who asked me to do a urine sample and then sit back in the waiting area. I was sat there for about another hour before I got taken into the minor area and finally given some pain relief - 2 paracetamol! After another couple of hours wait I finally got taken to majors where I had a wait of about an hour and half before a gyne doctor came to see me and examine me. She had a quick prod about, took some swabs and said she'd organise a scan for a few days and was sending me home! I was in agony and still bleeding. As I got off the bed I collapsed and was told that they'd need to keep me in as they couldn't send me home in that state. I was taken down to a ward in the early hours of Wednesday morning and spent all of Wednesday in such great pain and bleeding, only being able to have paracetamol and codene for the pain. I finally had my scan yesterday afternoon after it was cancelled in the morning to be told by an uncaring sonographer that 'well there's no products I can see there'. How dare she call my baby a product! He was my baby and a real lil person I'd seen wiggling round on the screen a couple of weeks before. The doctors I saw yesterday were as equaly uncaring referring to products, I wanted to scream at them that he was my baby, a real person and should be treated so, but all I could do was cry my eyes out. I got sent home today, still bleeding and in a lot of pain. I have to go back on Sunday for more bloodtests to see if I'm going to need a D&C. I did have one nurse who was so lovely and very sympathetic and understanding.

I feel in such a state of shock and feel so numb, empty, sad, depressed, distraught and in dispair. I thought I'd get to hold my lil guy in my arm's in October, but I've been robbed of that chance :cry:

I named my baby Sirius-James Peter, as it's the name me and my ex boyfriend had decided on for a boy and it pains me so much to know that I'm never going to get to see or hold him. I know that one day though, when my time here is done and I reach the gates of heaven, Sirius-James and my other angel Alex will be there waiting to meet their Mummy for the first time and I'm going to hold them both so tightly and never ever let go of them again :cry:


Sirius-James Peter Brealey 19/04/2011 at 13+5 weeks 
Mummy loves and misses you so very very much my lil bear 
:sadangel:


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## Ilyjaylen2011

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your post really bought me to tears because I had a similar situation happen resulting in the loss of my baby boy at 17 weeks. I was misdiagnosed twice by the same hospital. When I went to a different hospital, they found my problem (ruptured appendix) right away. By that time it was too late. 

I hate that this happened to you & I know how hard it is. Trust me. I know that hearing someone say "it will get better" gets old, but it really will with time. I'm not over losing Jaylen yet, but with each day it gets a little easier. God bless & take care!


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## lil bear

Ilyjaylen2011, thank-you for your very kind words and I'm so sorry for your loss too xx


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## jojo23

so sorry hun such a tragic story... your right hun your little baby should be treated with respect and dignity... i know its hard to stay strong but try your best until you get through this hospital ordeal, you need to be able to tell them EXACTLY what you want. your entitled to the highest level of care and if you feel your not getting it for you or Sirius-James then let them know hun and complain. i understand it would be the last thign on you mind but you definitely dont want to come out feeling any worse than you already do!! You shoud have the most respect in the worls right now dont let anyone make you feel any different.


It must be so hard to have lost 2 little angels but take comfort in knowing that they are together. wishing you lots of love and luck hun :hugs: to Alex and Sirius-James. xxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

Things will get better it just takes some time . I am so deeply sorry for your loss :cry: I lost my Ava at 18 weeks 7 weeks ago and I am still a mess.
Your emotions will be all over the place the next few weeks and it will be hard, but you will get through it, and we are all here for you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## lil bear

jojo23 thank-you so much for your kind words and I can take a small comfort knowing that Alex will be looking after her little brother for me until I join them both one day xx

Andypanda6570 thank-you so much for your kind words and I'm so sorry for your loss too xx


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## staceyg

so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## lil bear

staceyg thank-you xx


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## niknak242

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your angel.


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## SassyLou

:hugs:


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## Mumof42009

so sorry for your loss x


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## lil bear

niknak242, SassyLou and Mumof42009 thank-you all and I'm sorry for your losses too xx


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## kam78

Reading your post has completely broke my heart! I absolutely HATE that you had to join this journey BUT ecspecially in those circumstances... We understand all you are thinking and feeling, so just vent, cry, scream, ask "why" ...all the above to us girlie, we're doing that ourselves....Try not to take day by day, I have found taking minute by minute is so much gentlier, I don't set myself up for "failure" that way ...

We are always here for ya babe ... I'm sending Big Hugs & Loves...along with prayers for peace & comfort your way!! Xoxo

Sleep tight baby Sirius-James Peter! ... He is now with our lil angels playing & keeping a watchful eye on their mothers : D ~


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## wish2bmum

I'm so sorry hun, its hard to know what to say to people, even after loosing myself, I still can't find the words to say, but want you know there are people thinking of you, lots of hugs to you hunni xx


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## lil bear

kam78 and wish2bmum thank-you both so very much. All I want to do at the moment is curl up into a little ball and cry my heart out. I'd do anything to still have my lil guy xx


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## Abblebubba

Im so very sorry for your loss
Your prince was a beautiful boy :hugs:
I was mistreaded when i lost my princess 
as they said to me i was too young to have
a baby anyway :cry:

Always here if you need a chat!


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## lil bear

Abblebubba thank-you and I'm sorry for your loss too xx


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## luvnmybumpx4

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## lil bear

luvnmybumpx4 yhank-you for the hugs and I'm sorry for your loses too xx


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## babesx3

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## Weeplin

I am so sorry for your loss hon :hugs:


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## doddy0402

so sorry hun.x


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## twinklestar

so sorry sweetheart

fly high little one, sweet dreams

x x


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## kam78

Sending loves & hugs to yours & baby Brealey's way ... You {both} are NOT alone ... 

~Kelly & my sweet angel Emma~ ... &#9829; always here for ya : )


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## lil bear

Weeplin, babesx3, doddy0402, twinklestar and kam78 thank-you all so much for your kind words and I'm sorry for your loses too xx


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## amitootold

I am so sorry for your loss and the circumstances sound horrendous. Nothing can bring your LO back but I think when you feel strong enough, you should complain to the hospital. No-one should be treated like that and it could happen to someone else in your situation if you don't let them know how badly you were treated. Sending you massive hugs. I lost a baby at 7 weeks so I did not have the trauma you had to go through, it must have been horrific xxxx


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## Moti

I'm so sorry sweetie......:cry:

Big hugs and love to you and your family.


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## lil bear

amitoohold thank-you and I agree, once I am feeling strong enough I am going to complain to the hospital about how I was treated and hopefully it might stop someone else going through the same as I did. I had to be taken back again on Sunday as I was still in agony, they kept me waiting from 9.20am to 5pm before giving me stronger painkillers and sending me home despite my pleas of how much pain I was in and I didn't feel right. I ended up at my own doctors this morning to be told that I have an infection that is causing the high level of pain, as there may still be 'something left inside that will work it's way out in a few days'. So I have more stronger painkillers, antibiotics and now sleeping tablets to try and help everything. I really hope these all help as I can't handle this pain for much longer and really don't want to have to visit the hospital again for the fear of getting fobbed off and sent home in agony again with different painkillers and not actually having the cause of my pain sorted xx

and Moti, thank-you and I'm sorry for your loss too xx


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## hayley x

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the way that you have been treated :hugs: x


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## charmed

aww hunnie im heart n hugs goes out to you, hope infection gets better n you feel less pain soon, xxxx


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## cla

Iam so sorry xx


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## lil bear

hayley x, charmed and cla thank-you all and I'm sorry for your loses too xx


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## babyfromgod

I'm so sorry for your loss and the dreadful way you were treated, that is not on! :hugs:


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## hakunamatata

Oh hon. I'm so sorry. :hugs:


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## sweetcheeks78

so sorry hon, what a horrible experience for you to go through. The hospital staff should be ashamed.


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## lil bear

babyfromgod, hakunamatata and sweetcheeks78 thank-you all :hugs:



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4L0AhjPn7Q


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## hakunamatata

:cry:

:hug:


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## babyboo1258

oh sweetheart im so sorry for your loss, what an awful hospital how dare they treat you like that. :hugs: 

Sleep tight Sirius James Peter. :hugs:


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## lil bear

babyboo1258 thank-you for your kind words :flower:


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## mummyof32011

Awww u r right u shud ave been treated better than that! It's ridiculous how they treat expectin mothers goin throu that in that way.....a bit more consideration wud have made all the difference for u hun. I've never been though somethin like but I undastand its distressing and upsetting. i am really sorry for ur loss hun and i hope ur angels are looking over u proudly hun xxxxx


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## lil bear

mummyof32011 thank-you for your very kind and supportive words :flower:


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## IHrtSteve

So sorry Xox


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## lil bear

IHrtSteve thank-you :flower:


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## mummylove

so sorry for ur loss hun. I hope u made a complaint about how u was treated


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## lil bear

mummylove thank-you :flower: 

I did make a complaint and got an apology from the last doctor I saw. I can honestly say I don't think I'd ever want to go back to that hospital for anything pregnancy related ever.


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