# Do you think the father has equal rights?



## MissL

Just wondering what everyones views are on this matter In my opinion the mother has more rights then the father, considering that fathers do not actually have any rights if it where to go court. Thats is if both parents are not in wedlock of course.


comments much appreciated :thumbup: xxxxx


Thanks for all your comments, people have asked me why i think that mothers have more of a right. And in all honisty i think it is because of my current situation with the father of my baby. Before my pregnancy he wanted this baby more than i did (not saying i diddent want it). And as time has gone on he has turned into a different person. I havent enjoyed any of my pregnancy, hes just made me feel like shit tbh. When iv felt crap and cryed for no reason, hes responce has been "shut the fuck up and get out my face, your always moody and its starting to depress me." Hes told me to try and controll my emotions and hormoans because its getting him down, like that is even possible. Hes called me lazy becuase i dont want to go on long walks. I'v got 10weeks left of my pregnancy and iv told him i dont want any contact with him throughout the last 10weeks, because i want to actually enjoy some of my pregnancy. As we are not living together and i live at home with my mother due to me only being 16, i feel like i do have more rights. I'm her number 1 carer. And i understand that he might want the same rights, asin living with her and being with her 24/7 but that isnt practical and i cant help the situation that we are in. I feel that a father has to earn his status as a father and the right to be called a father. Anyone could give sperm, it dosent make then a father to the child. And yes that does go for the mother aswell. But i think a mother earns her right by going through the pregnancy. Caring for the baby inside of you, by not smoking doing drugs or exsesive amounths of alcohol, having a good enough diet and doing some form of exercise. So i diddent mean to put all fathers into a category becuase i understand that everyone is in a different possition to everyone else. And sorry if i got anyones backs up lol  x


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## sparkswillfly

Personally I think parents have equal rights unless one of them does something to show they cant be trusted with the child. 

Whats you reasons for thinking mothers have more rights out of interest?


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## Linzi

I think both should have exactly the same rights. 

My mother left me, and my dad raised me on his own. She wanted me taking into care, purely because she didn't want my dad to have me. Thank god they were married or else she would have got her way.

I know men get a lot of stick, and quite rightfully too, because some of the things Ive heard about dads have been horrendous. But what automatically makes the mum a better parent just because she is a woman?

Sorry just a sore subject for me at the min, I think sometimes Dads get a bit of a raw deal. My husband is an amazing dad and Id be completely lost without him, Im incredibly lucky. But before we were married it was my say unless he took me to court and I personally don't think it's right. Takes two to make a baby!

xxx


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## Pyrrhic

Both parents should have equal rights, unless one of them chooses to give them up. biology shouldn't come into it as a reason why mothers should have more rights than fathers.


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## moomin_troll

the new law is that a father has the same rights as the mother, married or not aslong as their name is on the birth certificate.

parents should have the same right as it takes two, unless for safty reasons.

in court a father has the same rights as the mother


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## Twin.Mommy

I say it depends!!!! I dont believe any man should have equal rights if he isnt helping!!! Not everyone has a cinderella story and has a wonderful man in there life !! My father did 8 yrs for murder I dont believe he deserved equal rights !!! It just depend on your situation!! I believe my brother deserves equal rights to his son because he pays child support and they go half on whatever else he needs but he can only see his son 2 times a month because wisconsins a mother state!!


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## dixiedarlin12

Well in my case I have done everything on my own. I have paid all the doctor bills. One hundred dollars per visit, three hundred every ultrasound, two hundred plus for lab work. I have done everything to make sure that i have a healthy pregnancy. I do not even have enough money to buy cute clothes for her because all my money goes to the doctors and stocking up on diapers. But the babys father wants my daughter to have his last name and equal rights as me. Well sorry to say that i am absolutely NOT letting that happen. He has done nothing to help me. His name will not be on the birth certificate either!!!!


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## sparkswillfly

I dont mean to sound harsh but I dont think it should come down to money because thats something he has done to you not to your child. If you know what I mean


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## leeanne

Both parents have equal rights and both helped conceive that child. Just because the woman does carry the baby to term and deliver it, doesn't mean the father doesn't have rights. God didn't make man to carry a child right?

If a father is involved in that child's life and does take responsibility for that child, irregardless if the mother and father are together, then that father has equal rights to his child.


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## dixiedarlin12

It takes money to go to the doctor. And you go to the doctor for the BABY. If it wasnt for the baby i wouldnt be going to the doctor once a month. So if i wasnt working over 30 hours a week on my feet all day everyday, i wouldnt know the condition of my baby because i wouldnt have the money to make sure she was okay...So the money isnt about me.....it IS about the child


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## vinnypeanut

sparkswillfly said:


> I dont mean to sound harsh but I dont think it should come down to money because thats something he has done to you not to your child. If you know what I mean

Sorry but i think ur wrong hun.....what she has done financially is for her baby, not for herself! So by him not paying his way to support her pregnancy and the baby is affecting the child!

If the mother and father treat parenthood the same and support each other aswell as the child (not just financially) then i believe the father should have equal rights....whereas if the father comes and goes and isnt fair then he should lose his rights...same if the mother plays up, i believe the father should then have more rights than her! At the end of the day the baby comes first....its not a point scoring system!


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## leeanne

> considering that fathers do not actually have any rights if it where to go court. Thats is if both parents are not in wedlock of course.

They do have rights when it goes to court.

When my OH and I separated for 5 months, during that time we had gone to court for custody of my 1st child. We were granted joint custody.

The courts here are seeing that men had no rights but were taken for child support, even though the woman refused the man to see that child, and even though fathers were very interested in seeing their children. So now the courts here are realizing that men do have rights for access to their children.


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## aidensxmomma

I think it really depends on the situation. And really, it's each and every single individuals' situation that should be looked at. That makes it hard to make laws, though. I think for the most part that father's should get equal rights. But, once again, depends on the situation.


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## Wobbles

Equal right and equal financial commitment - both sides!

However a child should not be divided (theres a difference) if the parents are not together ...I believe (unless in extreme circumstances) a child needs his/her Mummy but that doesn't mean they don't have the right to know their Daddy and that Mum & Dad should not be capable to discuss their childs future and upbringings. Theres only so much flexibility that can be given on certain things but the right to an opinion on the childs life/schoolings etc is important for the child.

I guess its a case of are you questioning the fathers right for your sake or the child sake? Think of your child first and you can't go wrong surely? Kids have the right to know both parents and you are responsible to make sure that happens.


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## dixiedarlin12

I do believe that it is nice to have a father in their childs life. But not technically their biological father. My mom and dad got divorced when i was 6 years old. My mother raised me pretty much by herself anyway when they were married so it really didnt affect me. So when my stepdad came into the picture when i was nine, it was like i finally had a dad. He has done WAY more to raise me than my real father ever did. So a child will be fine without a father, because my mom proved that it isnt needed.


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## Twin.Mommy

dixiedarlin12 said:


> It takes money to go to the doctor. And you go to the doctor for the BABY. If it wasnt for the baby i wouldnt be going to the doctor once a month. So if i wasnt working over 30 hours a week on my feet all day everyday, i wouldnt know the condition of my baby because i wouldnt have the money to make sure she was okay...So the money isnt about me.....it IS about the child

It's hard out here for single mommies !!! I respect you so much for what your doing !!! My twins have a very serious disease and I have had to emotionally deal with this solo and I also pay for all needs and bills on my own !!!


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## Seraphim

Wobbles said:


> Equal right and equal financial commitment - both sides!
> ...
> I guess its a case of are you questioning the fathers right for your sake or the child sake? Think of your child first and you can't go wrong surely? Kids have the right to know both parents and you are responsible to make sure that happens.

Phew!!

I thought nobody was going to mention this!! :shock:

I cannot put into words how awful this thread has left me feeling.

I'm trying to hold back on phrases like 'who do you think you are', but ye gods.

My father is a complicated chap. Much sadness and difficulty has affected our relationship over nearly 30 years. But he's MINE. And nobody, I mean NOBODY has the right to try and alter or affect that.

I suggest some of you have a careful think.


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## Windmills

> I'm trying to hold back on phrases like 'who do you think you are', but ye gods.
> 
> My father is a complicated chap. Much sadness and difficulty has affected our relationship over nearly 30 years. But he's MINE. And nobody, I mean NOBODY has the right to try and alter or affect that.
> 
> I suggest some of you have a careful think.

I completely agree with you. My Dad has done some bad things, but he's still my father and I still need him in my life IYKWIM? If my Mum would have stopped him from seeing me when they seperated, I know I'd resent her for it.


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## dixiedarlin12

My dad was addicted to painkillers and was absent most of my childhood. He spent more time in hospitals due to overdosing, than he did with me and my mom. My mom granted him his rights she didnt try to keep me from my dad. But i chose not to have much to do with him. I dont see why people think a child NEEDS their dad. A mom is just as capable to do things alone. My mom and I were better off without my dad. 

And not once did i say i wasnt going to let my daughter see her father. I am giving him rights...because i dont have a choice. He will have very minimum rights but nonetheless he will. My daughter will have my last name and his name will not be present on the birth certificate. Because he has done nothing for her as of yet (and yes paying for doctor bills is something that has been done for her) by me!! NOT HIM

Before you start judging people and putting your input on the lives they're leading you need to know their situation and you dont know my whole situation.


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## leeanne

I've seen some stories where the guy has just upped and left, been a complete asshole and deserves not a moment with the child. I've seen one where the father sees his child from time to time while the mom is shopping in the very store he works in, and he turns his head away and doesn't show an ounce of interest. These ones do not deserve equal rights and I have to agree, why bother even allowing his name to be on the birth certificate.

I've seen some stories where the girl is pregnant and wants to abort even though the guy wants it. I wonder where the rights of the father is there?

I've seen some stories where the guy does want to take an interest but the girl, out of spite, keeps the child away from his father and doesn't even acknowledge his name on the birth certificate. Where are the rights of the father there?

And on it goes.

I have a tough time in many circumstances where the girl does not name the father on the birth certificate and I find that wrong. That child does in fact have every right to know who his/her father is. And what I also find wrong in this situation is what will people think of that child later when looking at his/her birth certificate. Hmm, "father unknown". Why? 

Honestly, I hate the "mother rights" and "father rights". What about the child's rights?


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## Wobbles

Don't judge every Dad whos seperated from Mum :confused: I think its EXTREMELY important for the childs natural parent to be involved with their child if he (the father) decides that he does not want to be then more fool him.

My father was a terrible father he wasn't there for me until I was 21 and even that was a disaster (hes a drug addict) but I craved him as a child (dreaming of that great Dad) and now I do know him although it hurts too much to see him most times hes still my Dad and I'm very piffed with many members of my family who 'helped' keep him away from me and who 'helped' give me a pretty unstable childhood if I based my childhood on how I bring my girls up now it would be very very wrong to say 'well I didn't get to know my Dad so it won't hurt my kids either'. How do you know? 

BTW my father was 14 my mother was 15 ...wish the older members of my family gave them direction - the right one!!!

Do it for your kids like I say if Dad doesn't want to be involved then hes a fool and another word :lol: but at least you didn't make the right your child has impossible for personal reasons. IMO anyhoo!


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## dixiedarlin12

leeanne said:


> I have a tough time in many circumstances where the girl does not name the father on the birth certificate and I find that wrong. That child does in fact have every right to know who his/her father is. And what I also find wrong in this situation is what will people think of that child later when looking at his/her birth certificate. Hmm, "father unknown". Why?



I am not putting his name on the birth certificate for legal reasons. I never said my daughter would not know her father. She will know him and she(like I) will have a choice whether she wants him in her life or not. But it will be granted to her.


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## leeanne

Just so you know, that post was not aimed at you. We posted those a minute apart and it took me 5 minutes to do that post due to my kids. LOL

It was an opinion but not based on your post as we pretty much posted at the same time :)


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## Wobbles

Im guessing the original question was based around normal circumstances Im guessing if legal reasons are involved with the situation its probably a whole different kind of right?!

Where unage sex, drugs, violence, a potential danger etc are involved I guess there would be reasons for having a legal stand on the birth certificate and fathers right/access to child if its not a legal matter than I believe the mother should put the child first & yes have to put up with seeing the person who created life with her.

Not having a go btw my answers as Im sure others are based around 2 people having sex, creating life and both acepting that and realising that this child you created now needs you to stand up for their right to know you both despite smaller circumstances.


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## Wobbles

Im not stalking you btw Leeanne Im up late (UK time 2.25am) and the post caught my eye :dohh: 

Oh I'm going to bed :sleep:

Night girls - don't take it personal :D


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## dixiedarlin12

Leeann

Oh okay:dohh:im sure it would have been brought up at some point though. I think im through with this thread now...im very emotioinal today and im going to end up exploding lol


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## Alexas Mommy

I agree with wobbles and leeanne.

I think it is very important to have your father in your life-there are circumstances where it's not an option (father won't accept the responsibility and runs off, or father is a danger to the child etc). 

Having grown up without my father present (yes I knew who he was) it has affected me to this very day. I may now be able to call up my dad whenever I want and speak to him about whatever I want, but for quite some time when I was younger, I was not allowed to see/speak with him. Actually I wasn't allowed to see or speak with my mother either. Anyway, when I was younger, I always felt a huge piece of me was missing-like I said I knew my dad and my mom, but wasn't allowed contact-this was the hardest thing in the world for me. Everyday I would pray to God that I would soon be able to go home and live with my mom-where I felt was the only place I belonged. And as for my dad, well I was daddy's little girl, and it killed me that I was not allowed to visit or contact him-I used to try to randomly make up email addresses that I thought might be my dad, and email him-I never got it right though :( That is how desperate I was to be in contact with my dad.

To this day, I look to any decent older man (40-50's) and get an attraction to them-not a sexual one, I mean an attraction craving to see the father in them, if you get what I mean. I may have a relationship with my dad now, but the past has altered our relationship, or bond. Which is why I still get that automatic "Father attraction" to men. 

Another thing, especially in girls, when they do not grow up with their father, they are more likely to be looking for a boyfriend when they are younger-a male figure they can trust. I know this because I was like this. I'd always have a boyfriend, if I broke up with one, I'd soon have another one. It was a comfort thing-I wasn't a tramp or anything, but knowing that I always had a guy who cared about me, made me feel secure-it was a way of trying to fill that void-at least that is how my therapist explained it to me. Actually, right now, is the first time I have been single, since I was 15-sad, isn't it?

So sorry I have rambled on, but I think, that fathers should have equal rights-if they wish to terminate them that is their doing, but it should not be the mother who takes the rights away from the father (unless he is a threat to the child). The child is not a weapon for a woman to use to get a man to cooperate either-often I see this, and I think it is so wrong.


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## Momof2kiddos

i believe if the father has taken responsibility and is involved in the child life then he should have equal rights. that baby is equally as much a part of him as she is the mother.


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## sparkswillfly

My dad never really gave my mum any child support at all for the first 10 years of my life, he cheated on her and left her with an 18 month old baby. But I still saw him all the time, he is still my dad despite what he did to my mum. 23 years on and I love my dad I wouldnt be without him. Hes so supportive and if I didnt have him in my life because he didnt give my mum any money then I would have missed out on so much.

A child does need a father, they arent an added bonus. Just because you think theyre a waste of space doesnt mean you have the right to decide how involved they are in their childs life. Put the shoe on the other foot for a while and see how it would feel if someone was trying to dictate to you.


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## moomin_troll

I no im guna get a bitch slap for this but if the father is so terrible that u wouldnt want him in ur childs life (this being said if they were the same as they are now before u got pregnant) you should of thought about it before you had sex/had a baby with them.

I had a very controling ex and was very much in love with him but i knew hed be a terrible dad and his family were nuts so even tho he begged me to have a baby with him i didnt. i no accidents happen before anyone points that out to me.

If the father is so terrible then go to court and ask for that person to be made to give up their rights to ur child but short of that the man should and does have equal rights.

women have been fighting for years for equal rights now we have it some people dont want it, we cant win.


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## x_Rainbow_x

i believe a man has equal rights as the mother OFC they do he helped make that baby and it is 50% his he should have all the righst a mother does,


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## x_Rainbow_x

Every child deserves a father... i dont no my biological father.. he prob wouldnt no where to find me, hes never even seen me ( none of his fault tho) but the man who i call dad who was there at my birth. Without my daddy i dont think i could smile everyday, we never had alot of money, never had flash holidays, we had what we could afford but you no what alot of fathers give that money can never buy? Love. thats all you need to earn equal rights. the love of both parents equally.


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## Serene123

I don't think EVERY father is entitled to equal rights.

I think MOST fathers should be given the chance to earn equal rights. They shouldn't just be handed on a plate.


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## sparkswillfly

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> I don't think EVERY father is entitled to equal rights.
> 
> I think MOST fathers should be given the chance to earn equal rights. They shouldn't just be handed on a plate.

I used to think that but mothers are handed rights on a plate, they dont have to prove themselves so why should dads have to jump through hoops to prove themselves worthy. 

I dont think a mother should restrict a fathers rights until they have shown they cant be trusted. Being unreliable isnt good enough.

Both parents have to put aside their feelings for each other and do whats best for the baby not whats easiest for them.


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## Wobbles

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> I don't think EVERY father is entitled to equal rights.
> 
> I think MOST fathers should be given the chance to earn equal rights. They shouldn't just be handed on a plate.

Most? But not all ...so whats special about the small percentage of fathers that don't have to 'earn' the rights as the father?? & why do 'most' men have to earn it - what category do they fall under? Just male?

I know theres a small case of situations where access to the father may be difficult based on things like I mentioned before ...violence, under age sex, drugs, home enviroment etc but I don't think the biggest % of fathers fall under them!

Does the biological father get a points system or something! Unless theres reasons GOOD REASONS that are in the hands of a solicitor for the best wellbeing of the child there is NO reason you should take that from the father or the child more to the point!

Tell you what heres a question ...
'IF' the father is not a risk to the child (any of the above mentioned) who in hell does a mother think she is to make the father of her unborn or born child beg for access?

Its funny how I watch girls struggle because the father doesn't want to know then you see posts like this one and people think a father should earn the right to make decisions about his child.

*ALL MY ANSWERS ARE BASED ON NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES WHERE PETTY AND CONTROLLING IS AN ISSUE NOT THOSE THAT ARE FOR THE WELLBEING OF A CHILD.

For people with personal issues, one night stand issues etc you have to remember you lay with this man ...you may have carried the child and given birth and thats a really special thing to do but you then have to carry on protecting and giving your baby life by seeing you look out for them not you.


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## jenny_wren

i think both should have the same rights

the child is no more a mothers than the fathers
whether or not you like the father or are with him
he should have just as much right to the child as the mother
just because they are male doesn't make any less
of a parent some fathers are arses but so are some mothers
single dads do just as well as single mums so in my
opinion both parents should have the same rights

:hugs: xx​


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## leeanne

A mother may carry a child to term, but God didn't give this gift to men, did he? 

Ironically, I'll mention a situation my OH was in. He dated one girl for a number of years, she never got pregnant and off he went and a year later was in another relationship that lasted a few years. Once again, this second girl did not get pregnant during the relationship and they broke up but she wouldn't leave the house.

He was young, and still was friends with his prior girlfriend. A few drinks and, jus tlike a man, slept with her. Guess this happened 6 months later with the other girl too.

Amazingly, the both got pregnant 6 months apart from each other. Yes, he should have kept it in his pants, but knowing these girls 100%, they were manipulative and wanted to keep him for their own as he has a business, treated girls good, etc. One was planning the marriage ceremony as soon as she found out she was pregnant. 

Was the pregnancy manipulated? Yes, he wore a condom on both occasions and truly believes the girls put a hole in it. Honestly, they never got pregnant while in a relationship with him, but as soon as one knew it was over and the other knew that she could perhaps win him over again, guess what..."I'm pregnant."

Now where are the friggin rights for guys in this situation where a girl wants to be pregnant but doesn't tell the guy of her plans?

Then with one, she kept access from him and he saw the child a handful of times until he was 3. He was there for his birth (and his other child I might add) and always wanted to see his son. She had the cheek to take him to court for child support and tried to get him for all he was worth. It was finally at that time that he was allowed access.

So, I do have a problem with the equality of mother and father rights when it comes to conceiving a child, and having the child.

What I find sad is that some women, because they are the ones who are pregnant, don't take into account what the man wants. There are women who want to abort but the man wants to keep the child. Then there are others out of spite who keep that child away from the father.

Seriously, you have to put selfish reasons aside and think of the children because they are what matters!


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## HotChocolate

Lol everybody on here is very opinionated aren't they? I think it's fucking great :D but anyway.. 
I see what you're saying and alot of people think that mothers automatically gain rights to their child because they've given birth to them and they've put up with the pregnancy for 9 months but it doesn't work that way. I know somebody who gave birth to a boy when she was 15, she was on drugs, was drinking and with a violent boyfriend throughout her pregnancy, her mum now looks after her grandchild and has done for almost 3 years, the only time the father has seen his son is when he knocked on the door drunk on xmas day. The mother doesn't want to see her son yet she has just given birth to a little girl not long ago, she's a thief, a drug addict and is now pregnant with baby number 3. 
Yeah i understand that many mothers (whatever their age, i might add :)) will love their child and care for them in a way that couldn't be compared to anything else.. yet some women can't look after themselves properly, let alone a small child. So i think you need to reconsider your theory. 
As for the father having less rights than the mother, i understand why you believe that and i can see how you've got yourself in a pickle trying to explain your reasons but you must understand that all children, every human being is half of their father.. not a quarter, not a third.. a half, and if that childs father is taken away or is given less access than the mother, nobody will be to blame for that but the mother. 
Fair enough if the father walks out and doesn't want anything to do with their child.. but you can't tell yourself or your child that he's just a 'sperm donor'.. that 'sperm donor' is the father to your child, is that what you're going to tell him/her when they're old enough to ask you where daddy is? 
No mother should belittle the father of their child. It's up to the child to make their own judgements. It doesn't matter what the father has done or why he left etc etc. but that child is always gunna have love for their father.. no matter how small or big that peice of love is. The majority of fatherless children crave a dad, regardless of how much they may deny that. 
All i can say about your post is don't make any rash decisions just because you're upset or angry at what has happened. This is the future of your child in your hands. 

xxx


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## sophie c

equal rights to both parents

x


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## jackiea85

I think both parents deserve equal rights until one of them proves themselves unworthy. It should go both ways in my opinion, it isn't just men who abandon their children.
My dad was never really interested in seeing me, I only saw him because he happened to be at my nan's (his mum) sometimes when I visited her. I think if it wasn't for her I would never have seen him. My mum never stopped him seeing me and never spoke badly of him, he just wasn't bothered, he had another family to look after. 
I would say that, just based on my own experience, if a father has no interest in his child and makes no effort, he can't expect to turn up years later and have equal rights to the mother who has looked after that child day in day out. He doesn't deserve that privilege. But I think everyone should start off on an equal footing x


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## Linzi

Can I just ask, why is this just about bad dads? What about bad mums? This thread is about equal rights of parents, so Why arent we talking about bad mums?

Mums that abandon their children?

Someone answer me that, someone tell me why thats so much more acceptable, because I tell you what if you can answer me that thats the end of the question Ive been asking myself for the past 22 years.

Not meant to be a guilt trip or looking for sympathy, it just gets my goat sometimes about what a shit time men get when it comes to fatherhood. Id be nothing if it wasnt for my dad, and wheres my mum?


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## lesleyann

I think it depends, i mean i never grew up with Bio-dad, i have a dad my step dad and i call him dad.. My dad is not on my birth cert but i no who he is, and i also no his a waste of space and tax payers money to be honest, ive met him once and that was more than enough.. When i met him my dad had to buy me a drink because Bio-dad was to busy shouting to his mates..

Bio-dad has so many kids by so many women,,, He never gave my mum any money never even sent me a birthday or Christmas card, and his mum refused to admit i even existed.. I mean i have a younger brother from bio-dad who is if i remember right is about 2months younger than me.. The only children he ever spent time with was the twins which are boy and girl and the youngest, and my oldest brother but thats only when my oldest brother wants something.. and the only reason i no about why my oldest brother see's him is i met his half sister at my collage thats as close to any other siblings from him i have seen.

I could find him if i wanted but i wouldnt want to waste my time and bring him into my childs life.


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## HotChocolate

Linzi said:


> Can I just ask, why is this just about bad dads? What about bad mums? This thread is about equal rights of parents, so Why arent we talking about bad mums?
> 
> Mums that abandon their children?
> 
> Someone answer me that, someone tell me why thats so much more acceptable, because I tell you what if you can answer me that thats the end of the question Ive been asking myself for the past 22 years.
> 
> Not meant to be a guilt trip or looking for sympathy, it just gets my goat sometimes about what a shit time men get when it comes to fatherhood. Id be nothing if it wasnt for my dad, and wheres my mum?


I wrote about bad mums :)


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## Linzi

Im sorry hun Ill get off me high horse 

Just a bit of a sore subject with me atm


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## MissL

leeanne said:


> A mother may carry a child to term, but God didn't give this gift to men, did he?QUOTE]
> 
> i compleatly understand what your saying here. And obviously a man cannot carry a child nor give birth to one. But what im trying to say is the way he treated me due to the symptoms of pregnancy was not to me being a supportive dad. He sat there and heard the midwife say to us that all the emotions i feel, so does the baby. Yet he continued to treat me in a unkind mannor so to speak.
> 
> 
> seems like this post is ruffling a few feathers lol


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## Wobbles

Linzi said:


> Can I just ask, why is this just about bad dads? What about bad mums? This thread is about equal rights of parents, so Why arent we talking about bad mums?
> 
> Mums that abandon their children?
> 
> Someone answer me that, someone tell me why thats so much more acceptable, because I tell you what if you can answer me that thats the end of the question Ive been asking myself for the past 22 years.
> 
> Not meant to be a guilt trip or looking for sympathy, it just gets my goat sometimes about what a shit time men get when it comes to fatherhood. Id be nothing if it wasnt for my dad, and wheres my mum?

I think because the original question was a woman asking about the fathers rights hun!

I was going to mention that there are Mums who do a piss job and theres fathers who bring up their children alone for various reasons. Both mine did a piss poor job! But when I hear noise in the background I lose my thinking I know I typed something up wrong on my last post too ...

"Its funny how I watch girls struggle because the father doesn't want to know then you see posts like this one and people think a father should earn the right to make decisions about his child."

should have said something like...

"Its funny how I watch girls struggle because the father doesn't want to know & people get right on it offering sympathy, a shoulder so to speak and put down the incapabe father/father to be as a a'hole BUT then you see posts like this one and people think a father should earn the right to make decisions about his child.

.............

I just never understand why unless without good reason any parent should have to beg for involvement where the circumstances are normal. I know I'd find it difficult if I split with my girls Dad and I'd find that letting go and a different kind of sharing parenting difficult but it wouldn't last more than a few days I'd have to get over it because it's not me whos important.


----------



## DizzyMoo

Personally it depends on the situation, In an ideal situ the father & mother would be sharing 50/50 everything inc care,love, & costs. But this doesn't always happen, From my point of view i've so far paid for everything for my son, i've been there when he's fallen, cried, wet the bed, or done anything brill at home or nursery. Ive nursed him through countless chest infections, i nursed him through whooping cough, ive been up at night when hes throwing up, i wash him & his clothes, i buy his toys & i make the decisions i feel best for him. His father ? has done nothing, not paid, not provided, not been there when needed, not looked after him, not interested full stop. On the times he claimed to want him & took him out he went & got pissed with him in the pub . 
If someone was to tell me this man has 50/50 rights over my son i would slap them senseless, i would go nuts for someone to take his fathers word for medical reasons too. whether or not a father is on the birth cert should not mean he is entitled to equal rights. I would fight to the high courts that MY sons dad should not have equal rights. Some parents give this right up when they start being tossers over the children. 

my bumps dad wanted baby to have his surname & wanted to be on birth cert, despite the fact he ran off with another woman & left me preg, he has not once asked how baby is, what sex the baby is, he hasn't asked if the baby needs anything, hasn't brought anything for baby & is now denying baby. So should he have equal rights too? 

So it entirely depends on each case . xxxx


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## leeanne

^I think Wobbles and I are on the same wavelength and it has been said that there are situations where, yeah, the father should not have equal rights. One of them for me is when the guy totally denies having a child at all...right then and there, he gives up his rights.

However, I will say, guys are creatures that do not mature until years later then women. And, one day, that guy...the father of your child...just may realize what he's missed out on and I do hope that you will give him a chance at that period of time, IF it happens.

And, yes, there are horrible moms out there too. OMG, I just heard a story from a friend of mine who's OH had a child with a woman many, many years ago when he was a teen. They weren't together after the baby was born, but, the mom was a full blown alcoholic and actually fed wine coolers in a baby bottle to this child. This mom has no rights!


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## Wobbles

Dizzy I think most people answered in general because originally the question was asked like a curiosity what do you think not a 'well this is my situation' if you get me so just seemed a plain jane do you think they have equal rights. So I don't think people are answering about those Dads who have **** out of what they responsibility is. Both parents should be there for every need financially and emotionally and if onecan't be assed then their loss as I said.

If that makes sense.

If I was pregnant and the dad to be was running scared I think I may give chance but it wouldn't be for long if he decided to ignore/reject the chance. Thats not what we were answering because like I say the question at th estart appeared to be a simple 'what do you think' no circumstance around it.


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## DizzyMoo

Yep i also know a mom who in my eyes gave up her rights, when she let her toddler son go to live with his dad because he stopped her " lifestyle " . She hardly sees him now & ya wonder why eh?

Yep leeanne as i said my bumps dad denying this baby, so i agree with you he's giving up all rights there & then .x


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## DizzyMoo

Wobbles said:


> Dizzy I think most people answered in general because originally the question was asked like a curiosity what do you think not a 'well this is my situation' if you get me so just seemed a plain jane do you think they have equal rights. So I don't think people are answering about those Dads who have **** out of what they responsibility is. Both parents should be there for every need financially and emotionally and if onecan't be assed then their loss as I said.
> 
> If that makes sense.
> 
> If I was pregnant and the dad to be was running scared I think I may give chance but it wouldn't be for long if he decided to ignore/reject the chance. Thats not what we were answering because like I say the question at th estart appeared to be a simple 'what do you think' no circumstance around it.

oh i know, but a topic like this does open up a big convo. 
I defo believe equal rights, until 1 parent does something to question it. 

Maybe that would of been easier & less hassle to write anorl lol


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## Wobbles

Yikes at stopped her lifestyle :| 

Denial is a whole different story of rights ...there is none because he dosn't want to know anyway.


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## vinnypeanut

From my personal experience and opinion it does all depend on the situation. The father of my baby ran scared when i told him i was pregnant.....didnt talk to me for weeks and when he did he told me i had ruined his life! I gave him the benefit of the doubt, sticking up for him, and invited him along to appointments...to which i never heard a reply! So i gave up.....if he changes his mind during my pregnancy and decides he wants to be a dad hes got alot of making up to do but i'll allow it! Whereas if things stay the way they are at the moment he will *NOT* be on the birth certificate! I'll never stop bubs from knowing their father though.
On the other side of the coin......my brother and his ex broke up after the birth of their first baby. Her family hates him and have stopped him from seeing his little girl. Then she got pregnant again by my brother and again broke up shortly after finding out she was expecting. My brother has done everything for her since the babies have been born! He works 6 days a week, she claims benefits. He bought her a brand new double pram, all new furniture for her flat....endless packs of nappys, wetwipes, milk, food etc! And yet if she has a day when shes not feeling great (which seems to be most days) he is not allowed to see the children for weeks! It really is unfair!


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## Becyboo__x

*I agree with you MissL really from what you first put.. 
but thats because im in the same position as you really and tbh the father has treat me like shit and he doesnt give a toss about me or anything no more and he is depressing me and he just always says its my fault i havent enjoyed any of my pregnancy up to yet but im hopin things will change now as hes not in my life as he ended it and heavily drinks and is now abusive as i found out the other night  and i dont need that right now nor does anyone .. it does depends on the situation and everyone has different opionions on it all to me the father should act and proove he can be a father hes not just a father cause he got you pregnant 
sorry to hear about it aswell i hope your alright and little one is 
x*


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## Wobbles

DizzyMoo said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> Dizzy I think most people answered in general because originally the question was asked like a curiosity what do you think not a 'well this is my situation' if you get me so just seemed a plain jane do you think they have equal rights. So I don't think people are answering about those Dads who have **** out of what they responsibility is. Both parents should be there for every need financially and emotionally and if onecan't be assed then their loss as I said.
> 
> If that makes sense.
> 
> If I was pregnant and the dad to be was running scared I think I may give chance but it wouldn't be for long if he decided to ignore/reject the chance. Thats not what we were answering because like I say the question at th estart appeared to be a simple 'what do you think' no circumstance around it.
> 
> oh i know, but a topic like this does open up a big convo.
> *I defo believe equal rights, until 1 parent does something to question it. *
> 
> Maybe that would of been easier & less hassle to write anorl lolClick to expand...

Haha you probably just said it how I could have said it too without the fuss :lol:


----------



## Wobbles

Becyboo__x said:


> *I agree with you MissL really from what you first put..
> but thats because im in the same position as you really and tbh the father has treat me like shit and he doesnt give a toss about me or anything no more and he is depressing me and he just always says its my fault i havent enjoyed any of my pregnancy up to yet but im hopin things will change now as hes not in my life as he ended it and heavily drinks and is now abusive as i found out the other night  and i dont need that right now nor does anyone .. it does depends on the situation and everyone has different opionions on it all to me the father should act and proove he can be a father hes not just a father cause he got you pregnant
> sorry to hear about it aswell i hope your alright and little one is
> x*

Abusive ...to you?? If he was most definately stand back :shock: *hugs* hope he realises thats not the way to behave before its too late.


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## Seraphim

[speaking generally on the topic]

I don't know how to say this delicately. It's not my wish to offend.
But for me - a fathers rights are not based on how he has treated the mother. It's too subjective between two people.

I'd bring it back to the child again.
I believe EVERY child has a right to have THEIR fathers name on THEIR birth certificate, and to be assisted in knowing their father.

If there are laws in whatever country which base further decisions on the status of birth certificate etc - let those laws be pulled into question, not the rights of a child to know his or her parents.

Even negaive qualities which my father posesses have been helpful for me to know. They are also part of me in some cases.

For anybody who thinks the father of their child is so abhorent, I beg you be careful. Contact or no contact, your child will have some of their fathers traits - however outlandish that sounds - and it will be your child you end up denying.


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## Becyboo__x

*End day the lad dont think hes father to my baby anyways and wants a dna so i cant register baby straight away anyway + if i have a choice i wouldnt put him on the birth certificate all to do with how he is maybe its not fair but tbh if he can hit me while im pregnant he can do it when iv had the baby and i dont want baby being around a person like that or a someone who drinks every night just about its just not right im thinking whats best for the baby and iv seen councillers and iv been to see someone today about it all and they have told me what i can do and cant now and its all getting serious as hes changed lately and turned into a horrible person and he never wanted this baby so it just gets me down thinking people sayin its not about them not treating you right its more about the baby but usually what effects you effects the baby in my situation he would be better to keep away from me like iv been advised but people have different opionons like i said its okay if you get on with your ex or if your with the father and they arent drunks or violent  x*


----------



## Wobbles

I agree with you Seraphim ^ however as strong as I feel about a parents right and a childs rights if danger is an issue the other parent must keep themselves safe.

Ive seen a man turn on a pregnant woman and then turn on her when she held her son in her arms at only weeks old in those cases the parent needs distance but as for the certificate I agree that those details are very important - Mines blank ...that upsets me to this day.


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## Sinead

This argument is currently going through Parliament at the moment - giving fathers the opportunity to contact the registrar to have his name put on the birth cert and be given parental rights. Mother will have to sign a legal declaration giving reasons such as violence or rape to stop this. (as per NSPCC website)


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## Jamm&amp;Hovis

I was reading a magazine and It said that whilst the mother is pregnant with the child she has more rights to procedures and decision, If the father is a good father I dont think it would be far but If he isnt and dosent show interest then he shouldnt have equal rights ... i think it should vary


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## Dream.A.Dream

I also agree that both parents should have equal rights until one does something to prove otherwise. It's not fair on the children to lose out on knowing their dad because their mum has stopped it. I barely know or see my dad, and from what i do know i think he's an arse, but that is not because of my mum, that's because my dad made the decision not to bother with me for 363 of the 365 days in a year xx


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## Jade--x

This is a topic that's close to me at the minute, as I am having so much trouble with my ex it is unbelievable.

I think that it depends on situations, but, that the men should have to work to prove themselves to deserve them rights.

Before people jump down my throat about it, I have reasons why I think that.

I was a victim of domestic abuse with my ex, and the laws that fathers get automatic rights to the child has made it 100 times easier for the abusers to continue abusing their victim, even after they have had the courage to stand up for themselves and leave. And being in the best interests of the child not to be in the situation.

My ex uses my LO to hurt me. He's excercising his rights (of access to baby) to continue the mind games he played on me in the relationship now I'm not there. He cares so much for my baby, he's seen him once in 6 months (and as much as he keeps telling everyone that will listen to him how I'm stopping him and I'm the bitch) that is through his own doing not mine. The only time I ever said he couldn't see him was when he asked if long lost cousins of his (that neither he nor I had ever met and I was in a really bad way after birth not up for random stranger visitors) he said well I'm taking you to court then. I simply said that I wasn't having him hang the threat of court over my head for the next 18 years, but he insisted he was going and that he was getting custody. Which, obviously, after I received solicitors letters, then I said no contact because he can't have it both ways, and I was advised by my own solicitor to do so.

In my case, he should have no rights what so ever. When I found out I was pregnant he denied the baby was his, said he'd been tested and was infertile so it was impossible, and nearly caused me countless miscarriages throughout my pregnancy. He's not father. He's an abusive user that doesn't care who he steps on to hurt people.

He's not on my babys birth certificate, however that is for legal reasons (and the fact that if he was abduction is legal and he would do it in a heartbeat!) but my baby will know who his father is.


----------



## Becyboo__x

Jade--x said:


> This is a topic that's close to me at the minute, as I am having so much trouble with my ex it is unbelievable.
> 
> I think that it depends on situations, but, that the men should have to work to prove themselves to deserve them rights.
> 
> Before people jump down my throat about it, I have reasons why I think that.
> 
> I was a victim of domestic abuse with my ex, and the laws that fathers get automatic rights to the child has made it 100 times easier for the abusers to continue abusing their victim, even after they have had the courage to stand up for themselves and leave. And being in the best interests of the child not to be in the situation.
> 
> My ex uses my LO to hurt me. He's excercising his rights (of access to baby) to continue the mind games he played on me in the relationship now I'm not there. He cares so much for my baby, he's seen him once in 6 months (and as much as he keeps telling everyone that will listen to him how I'm stopping him and I'm the bitch) that is through his own doing not mine. The only time I ever said he couldn't see him was when he asked if long lost cousins of his (that neither he nor I had ever met and I was in a really bad way after birth not up for random stranger visitors) he said well I'm taking you to court then. I simply said that I wasn't having him hang the threat of court over my head for the next 18 years, but he insisted he was going and that he was getting custody. Which, obviously, after I received solicitors letters, then I said no contact because he can't have it both ways, and I was advised by my own solicitor to do so.
> 
> In my case, he should have no rights what so ever. When I found out I was pregnant he denied the baby was his, said he'd been tested and was infertile so it was impossible, and nearly caused me countless miscarriages throughout my pregnancy. He's not father. He's an abusive user that doesn't care who he steps on to hurt people.
> 
> He's not on my babys birth certificate, however that is for legal reasons (and the fact that if he was abduction is legal and he would do it in a heartbeat!) but my baby will know who his father is.

*This is like simler reasons i have but i obviously am pregnant still but my ex said hes taking me to court and everything and wants custerdy but iv seen he cant get that because the baby needs its mum more then its dad at the start especially and my ex also has never thought this baby was his but it may not be at this point and he knows that because it could be my ex befores so he has no right to take me to court until he does a dna test and now hes being a complete immature little boy about it all getting people to threaten me and hes constently violent to me why should i deal with this why should anyone if he is the dad though i will tell my child when its old enough who its dad is like you said its only fair but with the birth certificate aswel if he is the father he wont be on it cause he now doesnt want contact with any of it and hes movin on with his life, now i have to hope it is my ex befores cause he is like my best friend and me and him could work something out with no violence or anything 
btw your little boy is adorable! x*


----------



## Jade--x

Becyboo__x said:


> Jade--x said:
> 
> 
> This is a topic that's close to me at the minute, as I am having so much trouble with my ex it is unbelievable.
> 
> I think that it depends on situations, but, that the men should have to work to prove themselves to deserve them rights.
> 
> Before people jump down my throat about it, I have reasons why I think that.
> 
> I was a victim of domestic abuse with my ex, and the laws that fathers get automatic rights to the child has made it 100 times easier for the abusers to continue abusing their victim, even after they have had the courage to stand up for themselves and leave. And being in the best interests of the child not to be in the situation.
> 
> My ex uses my LO to hurt me. He's excercising his rights (of access to baby) to continue the mind games he played on me in the relationship now I'm not there. He cares so much for my baby, he's seen him once in 6 months (and as much as he keeps telling everyone that will listen to him how I'm stopping him and I'm the bitch) that is through his own doing not mine. The only time I ever said he couldn't see him was when he asked if long lost cousins of his (that neither he nor I had ever met and I was in a really bad way after birth not up for random stranger visitors) he said well I'm taking you to court then. I simply said that I wasn't having him hang the threat of court over my head for the next 18 years, but he insisted he was going and that he was getting custody. Which, obviously, after I received solicitors letters, then I said no contact because he can't have it both ways, and I was advised by my own solicitor to do so.
> 
> In my case, he should have no rights what so ever. When I found out I was pregnant he denied the baby was his, said he'd been tested and was infertile so it was impossible, and nearly caused me countless miscarriages throughout my pregnancy. He's not father. He's an abusive user that doesn't care who he steps on to hurt people.
> 
> He's not on my babys birth certificate, however that is for legal reasons (and the fact that if he was abduction is legal and he would do it in a heartbeat!) but my baby will know who his father is.
> 
> *This is like simler reasons i have but i obviously am pregnant still but my ex said hes taking me to court and everything and wants custerdy but iv seen he cant get that because the baby needs its mum more then its dad at the start especially and my ex also has never thought this baby was his but it may not be at this point and he knows that because it could be my ex befores so he has no right to take me to court until he does a dna test and now hes being a complete immature little boy about it all getting people to threaten me and hes constently violent to me why should i deal with this why should anyone if he is the dad though i will tell my child when its old enough who its dad is like you said its only fair but with the birth certificate aswel if he is the father he wont be on it cause he now doesnt want contact with any of it and hes movin on with his life, now i have to hope it is my ex befores cause he is like my best friend and me and him could work something out with no violence or anything
> btw your little boy is adorable! x*Click to expand...


Aww hun I hope you get things sorted out. I'm sick of all the stress and bother it's causing. because I don't think many people (apart from mothers) realise how every emotion the mother is going through, the baby picks up on and is affected by it too. 
And thank you :) x


----------



## Becyboo__x

Jade--x said:


> Becyboo__x said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jade--x said:
> 
> 
> This is a topic that's close to me at the minute, as I am having so much trouble with my ex it is unbelievable.
> 
> I think that it depends on situations, but, that the men should have to work to prove themselves to deserve them rights.
> 
> Before people jump down my throat about it, I have reasons why I think that.
> 
> I was a victim of domestic abuse with my ex, and the laws that fathers get automatic rights to the child has made it 100 times easier for the abusers to continue abusing their victim, even after they have had the courage to stand up for themselves and leave. And being in the best interests of the child not to be in the situation.
> 
> My ex uses my LO to hurt me. He's excercising his rights (of access to baby) to continue the mind games he played on me in the relationship now I'm not there. He cares so much for my baby, he's seen him once in 6 months (and as much as he keeps telling everyone that will listen to him how I'm stopping him and I'm the bitch) that is through his own doing not mine. The only time I ever said he couldn't see him was when he asked if long lost cousins of his (that neither he nor I had ever met and I was in a really bad way after birth not up for random stranger visitors) he said well I'm taking you to court then. I simply said that I wasn't having him hang the threat of court over my head for the next 18 years, but he insisted he was going and that he was getting custody. Which, obviously, after I received solicitors letters, then I said no contact because he can't have it both ways, and I was advised by my own solicitor to do so.
> 
> In my case, he should have no rights what so ever. When I found out I was pregnant he denied the baby was his, said he'd been tested and was infertile so it was impossible, and nearly caused me countless miscarriages throughout my pregnancy. He's not father. He's an abusive user that doesn't care who he steps on to hurt people.
> 
> He's not on my babys birth certificate, however that is for legal reasons (and the fact that if he was abduction is legal and he would do it in a heartbeat!) but my baby will know who his father is.
> 
> *This is like simler reasons i have but i obviously am pregnant still but my ex said hes taking me to court and everything and wants custerdy but iv seen he cant get that because the baby needs its mum more then its dad at the start especially and my ex also has never thought this baby was his but it may not be at this point and he knows that because it could be my ex befores so he has no right to take me to court until he does a dna test and now hes being a complete immature little boy about it all getting people to threaten me and hes constently violent to me why should i deal with this why should anyone if he is the dad though i will tell my child when its old enough who its dad is like you said its only fair but with the birth certificate aswel if he is the father he wont be on it cause he now doesnt want contact with any of it and hes movin on with his life, now i have to hope it is my ex befores cause he is like my best friend and me and him could work something out with no violence or anything
> btw your little boy is adorable! x*Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Aww hun I hope you get things sorted out. I'm sick of all the stress and bother it's causing. because I don't think many people (apart from mothers) realise how every emotion the mother is going through, the baby picks up on and is affected by it too.
> And thank you :) xClick to expand...

Yeah the stress.. iv been in and out of hospital cause i was dignosed with biploar like 3 years ago but not long ago i like got better like really better and didnt have to take tablets no more and it just feelt like it came back with my ex and that within the last 4 months with him on and off :( hes changin he used to be so nice and now he drinks everyday and ends up bein violent as i found out :'( i just want whats best for my baby and not to be around him if hes like that. x


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## sparkswillfly

I dont think anyone disagrees that abusive dads shouldnt have rights. Its generally just aimed more at women who use their children as weapons/possesions because there is ill feeling between parents.


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## genkigemini

Both parents should have equal rights until one has done something to violate those rights. 

In my opinion, in just as many cases, the father is the better choice to raise the children than the mother. The issue of rights should be based solely on the people involved, not the sex of those individuals.


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## moomin_troll

genkigemini said:


> Both parents should have equal rights until one has done something to violate those rights.
> 
> In my opinion, in just as many cases, the father is the better choice to raise the children than the mother. The issue of rights should be based solely on the people involved, not the sex of those individuals.

this is so true

a friend of mine met a woman who had a daughter they got married and had a son together and then the mother went off and left the kids behind so my mate was bringing up both children and is a wonderful dad to both kids (far better then the "mother" could ever do)

well she ended up kidnapping both children sayin she now wanted them back and even tho she was told by the courts to return the children to their father she didnt and its now been 2 months and my mate is in bits and wants his kids back.

i really dont get why people think the child is going to be better off with the mother over the father as, it should depend on the parent and how they are with their child not about gender


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## cheer_coach93

I think the mother has more rights: she gave birth to the baby, and has more of an emotional attachment to it. I mean, it spent nine months growing in the mother. And fathers don't have that experience, they didn't feel the baby for it's first nine months. The mother did.


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## Becyboo__x

*I agree with you! about mother is more attached and everything the father only really does by bonding after and if they have to put the effort into that if they dont then they wont get what the mother has with the baby .. most babys or toddlers i know show more emotion to there mother and most say the mother leaves for work or nips out they have to sneek out so child doesnt see because they get upset and not many do that with there father .. theres just a better connection with the mother cause they gave birth to the baby and they have been carrying baby for 9 months but isnt about rights what im on about just about bonding and it depends how the father acts towards it if he steps up and is fantastic or lays back and leaves you to do it *


----------



## caz81

genkigemini said:


> Both parents should have equal rights until one has done something to violate those rights.
> 
> In my opinion, in just as many cases, the father is the better choice to raise the children than the mother. The issue of rights should be based solely on the people involved, not the sex of those individuals.

exactly what i would say! Just because the woman gave birth to the child should not give her any more rights than the man. A child needs BOTH parents unless there is a compelling reason why a parent should not be involved in the childs life (e.g. that parent is a danger) there seems to be more and more people these days who think that they have the right to decide if the father should be involved in the childs life based on their feelings towards the father and i have, within my work, seen how messed up this makes the children involved.


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## moomin_troll

i think its bull that a mother should have more rights because we are the ones to carry that baby, it takes two to put that baby in the woman in the first place.
if the man is no good to start with then u shudnt have a baby with him in the first place. but yes i do no peoples bad sides can come out after. 

even tho i carried my son when my pnd was at its worst my son was better off with his dad due to how i was feeling

it depends on the person *not* gender.

baby p's mother carried him and yet its been proven he should of been with his dad as she let people beat n eventualy kill her own child.


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## Alexas Mommy

^ I agree... None of us mothers can sit here and say that a man does not bond with their child as well as a mother-yes our bond may be different, but who are we to say the fathers do not love/bond/care about a child as much as a mum/mom? FFS we are not fathers we only know how we are as mothers. Okay different story if father has made no attempt to bond, but I can't believe anyone can just say a mother is the best choice because she carried the baby/has a better bond-come on now:wacko: 

In my case, yes, Alexa is better off with me than her dad, not because I am female, but because I am the more responsible one-does that mean I keep him from seeing her? Of course not-he loves her, cares about her etc I trust him with her, he is just as much his child as my child. I really can't believe some of you ladies and your thinking:nope: Fair enough, you are entitled to an opinion, but give it another thought.

I would really like to see a Father's opinion on this whole "Mom bonds better with baby" nonsense.


----------



## Seraphim

:dohh:


----------



## moomin_troll

i just think alot of these comment come from people who dont really no what they are talking about when it comes to this subject.

i dont think anymore can really be said on the matter that hasnt been stated by myself and others serveral times.

we dont no how it feels to be a father so we cant comment n they dont no how we feel either.

this debate will go on and on


----------



## Alexas Mommy

moomin_troll said:


> i just think alot of these comment come from people who dont really no what they are talking about when it comes to this subject.
> 
> i dont think anymore can really be said on the matter that hasnt been stated by myself and others serveral times.
> 
> *we dont no how it feels to be a father so we cant comment n they dont no how we feel either.*
> 
> this debate will go on and on

Agree-exactly what I was saying...


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## Jade--x

I believe majority of fathers do deserve equal rights, as my cousin is going through a hard time trying to see his son for absolutely nothing!! Their little boy is nearly 2 and the mother rang the police (whilst he was on holiday!) telling them loads of lies and asked them to remove her and put her somewhere safe because her and baby were in danger of the father. All because she was cheating and wanted to be with another feller.

I think that is completely wrong and the fact that she's using the same solicitor as me, and they are doing more for her to stop him seeing him for no reason than my solicitor is doing for me in any sense of helping me with my case really makes my blood boil when there's not legitimate reason for it, just selfishness. 

He's not the perfect dad, but realistically not many are. Not many mother's are perfect if they're honest either!


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## Becyboo__x

*^ I agree 

And the thing about your cousin isnt right she shouldnt be doing that to him *


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## xBlackBeautyx

I can't stand that self righteous view that women automatically have more rights than the father because we carried the child. Its important to remember men physically can't carry a child. God just didnt give men that opportunity. As far as I am concerned, two people put the baby there (women are just carriers, the parcel or courier) so two people have equal rights. Just because a man doesn't treat the woman how she wants, it doesn't give her the right to choose whether or not his name goes on the birth certificate. If there are issues over her safety, approach that separately with the police and courts etc. It disgusts me that so many women feel it is their perogative to put down the fathers name on the certificate when its not! It's asking who the biological dad is, if you know, put his name down for goodness sake! Every child NEEDS both parents. Just because some get by without a dad or mum, it doesn't mean they don't need them. It is irrelevant who is forking out money for this that and the other. If it was the dad paying for everything, I can bet women wouldn't say they had more rights. Ye, it's wrong that so many men do fuck all and don't step up to the plate at all. That's their business. If they choose not to be involved in the child's life, they're stupid for it but that's their decision and they will have forfeited their rights.


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## moomin_troll

my dad is a total scumbag who beat the crap out of my mum and when she left him she feared for her life but she never said he couldnt be apart of our lives he chose to not be.

if u choose to have a baby with someone then u choose that person to be their dad and therefore cant play god and say well now u cant see my child


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## genkigemini

Oh, thank god so many of you have the same views as me!

It is sooooo unfair and wrong to say that the mother has more rights. My dumbass sister has three kids to three different men and kept them for years after the state already knew that she was neglecting the children and not feeding them properly, etc because she was their mother! SCREW THAT! Now two of the kids are being raised by their respective fathers and are doing much better physically and emotionally and the third one is being raised by my mother. 

Just because you gave birth to a baby doesn't make you a mom. And just because you gave birth to a baby and not the sperm donor (whatever relation he may be to you) does not mean that you are any more qualified to be the caregiver of that baby. 

I HATE that so many governments will give a mother rights over a father. Like I said before. These decisions should all be made on a individual basis. There is no generalized answer to these issues.


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## jackiea85

Totally agree with what BlackBeauty said. A man shouldn't lose his rights just because his relationship with the child's mother has broken down, children do need fathers, I missed mine for a long time (until I was older and realised that it was all his own doing!). However if he can't be bothered to maintain a decent relationship with his child he doesn't deserve equal rights x


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