# Not sure where I fit in here



## HCas

So after a long hiatus I'm back on bnb and finding it really hard to post.

I'm a ltttcer going at a year and 4 months now but I'm not doing any fertility treatments currently because.... who can afford $700 on a denny's paycheck and a not so well off etsy shop?

I'm also technically trying for my first after 3 mc. However I will be adopting in less than 9 weeks. So I'm a bit confused if I should still be labeled as trying for our first or not (since adoptions can fall through).

I had a really awesome buddy before my hiatus but I kinda disappeared without warning and am kinda afraid to just be like "hey I'm back" since she has all right to be mad for my disappearing. 

Soooo.... yep not sure what else to say. Want people to talk to but feel out of place on all the given forums. :nope:


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## KatO79

Hi HCas, welcome back:thumbup:

I was worried about you, was wondering if the adoption had gone wrong or something since you were gone for so long. Good to hear that's still on:thumbup:

AFM my 3rd IUI failed so getting started on IUI #4:dohh: AF even came 2 days early and at first was hoping it was IB but nope, she came full flow yesterday. Had otherwise my hopes high since I had a follie in each ovary and DH's count was 40 million:nope: So going in today for my 1st U/S to make sure there are no cysts. 

But I'm starting to think we need IVF. We're being referred for it now but due to the 4-5 month waiting list at the hospital the clinic is referring us to (it's cheaper for the state since they're paying for 3 IVF tries) we'll be doing 3 more IUIs in the meantime.


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## HCas

It's great to see you again. Yeah sorry about disappearing. Stress settled in big time with the wedding and some bad family drama so I just kinda removed myself from all social media. 

I have my fingers crossed for you. I'm glad they're moving you along quickly it seems. Hopefully in the next few months you'll be showing me a BFP!

My cycles have kinda regulated the past few cycles which got me excited. The last 2 were 28 days and this one was 33 days. I'm hoping that means I'm actually ovulating and may be able to catch a sticky bean soon myself. Otherwise me and Roger are saving up for an IUI. I'm even going to try selling blankets to get there XD

As for Ave-Marie. Nope we're still going strong with her. She's due in less than 9 weeks now and my sister finds out her delivery date within the next two visits! I swear when that little girl gets here I will have soooooooooo many pictures within the first few moments XD Unless I faint from watching the C-section.... that might happen XP


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## KatO79

How did the wedding go? I never did get to see a pic of the dress. Hope that there was no drama at your wedding at least:wacko:

Well IUIs do move pretty quickly. But I'm still thinking we'll need IVF, we'll see, maybe one of these IUIs will suddenly pay off and I can avoid all the torture of having eggs sucked out of my ovaries with a needle :haha: 

Regulated cycles always helps things:thumbup: It does sound like you're Oing if they're not that long. Seems the norm is 21-35 days but I can't remember how long your cycles have to be before it could be a sign of anovulation:-k I do remember that too large of a variation in cycle length isn't good either but I think yours is fine:thumbup:

Yeah it sucks that assisted conception costs money where you live. I sometimes feel a bit guilty that we can get 6 IUIs and 3 IVFs for free (although we do pay for hormones which are pretty expensive) and other ladies on this board have to come up with the money or not get the chance to try it:blush: I'll never understand why other countries don't set a limit for how long they want you to try before offering free tries. Although here it's only free if you're TTCing #1, #2 or more and you pay it for yourself. Anyway, hope you soon save enough money, how much do you need to save?

Oh my, will you be seeing the C-section:wacko: I'm pretty good at seeing stuff like that myself though. Looking forward to seeing some pics, of Ave-Marie not the C-section:thumbup::haha:

AFM the appointment went well today and they're keeping my dose at 75 IU Puregon since she felt I respond well to it and saw no reason to increase it. No cysts so we're good to go:thumbup: I go in again on Friday for U/S #2 to see when I can trigger. DH came with me and got to ask a couple of questions to the nurse which is good, also because he can answer any questions his parents have and "defend" me if they start conveying worry over my lack of ability to conceive. He also managed to remember to ask her about referring us to the nearest hospital for IVF since there's a long waiting period and she said she'd get that done today:happydance: So we're set for IVF if the next 3 IUIs don't work out either.

The nurse doesn't think it's my eggs though, she kept talking about how timing is everything so guess ours wasn't optimal the last 3 times:(

Will need to start planning next rounds 2WW earring projects:winkwink: One of them will need to be a pair I'll give to my MIL since her birthday is coming up end of April.

Oh yes my DH was unfortunately fired from his job at the end of February because the company decided to close down his department. So he's job hunting. But I don't think there's anything to worry about since he has 9 years experience and is a man :haha: He seems to get to interviews pretty easily so I'm sure he'll soon find something. They gave him 5 months pay due to how long he was with them plus 3 extra months. This money will be payed even if he gets a new job so it'd be great if that could happen, extra money:)


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## HCas

I'll give you a pic here ^^ There was some drama of my aunt and cousin sneaking in their own alcohol but I was unaware of it until after the whole thing so that was nice. Also DH's uncle and aunt came drunk and apparently thought that I saw them as servant's because she offered to cut the cake for me and I let her so I could clean cake off of Roger's eye XD and myself of course. But otherwise it was great. And now my family is happy that were legally married.

I wish the government here would pay for it. Or that my "amazing" insurance would pay some towards it. Originally I was told they'd pay 70% but after the first two visits they called to let me know they didn't cover fertility treatments because "It's not a needed treatment". So for one treatment going about it naturally, where they med me up and all but we dtd naturally, is $700. For IUI its $1000. We have nothing saved thanks to the wedding and adoption.

That sounds painful! I hope you get that sticky bean before IVF. But it kinda sounds like you will :hugs:
 



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## KatO79

Oh my, so pretty:cloud9: Also really like the bridesmaids' dresses:) Wait why would they sneak in alcohol? And his uncle and aunt came drunk? I would've been furious:growlmad: That's so not ok:nope: The most important thing is that you had a good day:thumbup: I know mine was great and drama free, thankfully! Although I did some weeks before threaten to throw people out if they didn't behave so that may have helped:winkwink: My family is drama filled as well and some of them weren't on very friendly terms at the time but they managed to at least be polite to each other.

It's just so unfair:nope: Here infertility is considered a disease which it technically is, albeit a non-life threatening one. Which is probably why some countries don't want to pay for people's treatments. They probably just feel that if you want a baby so bad then adopt but that can be pretty expensive too. Wow $1000, here it costs at my clinic $700 for IUI plus 1 U/S so it's a bit cheaper here (and I think it's a bit cheaper at a hospital than a private clinic). Odd when so much here is usually more expensive that e.g. USA. Awww I hope you manage to soon save enough or get a super sticky bean so you don't need the IUI :happydance:

It's not for sure yet, my last 3 IUIs can just as well all fail:wacko: As to IVF, I think I read that they inject a pain killer in your vag so it doesn't hurt (plus I think they pump you with morphine or something like that), then they stick a needle through the vaginal wall and into the ovaries to get the eggs out:wacko: You're not allowed to drive home so you have to have someone to drive you. I don't even know who I could choose if we end up needing IVF since hopefully DH will have a new job by then. No one in our families understands so question is if I'd want my MIL to take me since she's the lesser of 2 evils:nope:


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## HCas

They're big on their drinks and they always seem to have their favorite in their car so when the venue didn't have what they wanted (or cut them off) they brought out their stash. What's funny is that the uncle who always has a beer in his hand was the best behaved and wasn't drunk for the first time in my life. But I didn't have to deal with any of it. I just enjoyed myself and spent most of my time dancing with my niece and nephew XD

When I talked to my insurance about it, they mainly made it seem it was because of my age. According to them 20-25 is too young to be considered in need of treatment. Both me and my dad tried explaining it wasn't just so I could have children but also so I could live a normal life and treat the pain from the cysts and stuff but they still said it wasn't something that I needed. Like they know what I need. One lady even said "Did you try birth control?" I was floored. No no I haven't because that defeats the purpose of trying to get pregnant.

I understand that. When I went for my HSG I begged by best male friend to help just so I wouldn't have to go with my mom. Love her but she is making many bad decisions and is choosing not to be apart of my life. I'd rather not have her there for things like that. Hopefully whoever takes you is understanding that you are going through a type of surgery and will be nice and comforting.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> They're big on their drinks and they always seem to have their favorite in their car so when the venue didn't have what they wanted (or cut them off) they brought out their stash. What's funny is that the uncle who always has a beer in his hand was the best behaved and wasn't drunk for the first time in my life. But I didn't have to deal with any of it. I just enjoyed myself and spent most of my time dancing with my niece and nephew XD
> 
> When I talked to my insurance about it, they mainly made it seem it was because of my age. According to them 20-25 is too young to be considered in need of treatment. Both me and my dad tried explaining it wasn't just so I could have children but also so I could live a normal life and treat the pain from the cysts and stuff but they still said it wasn't something that I needed. Like they know what I need. One lady even said "Did you try birth control?" I was floored. No no I haven't because that defeats the purpose of trying to get pregnant.
> 
> I understand that. When I went for my HSG I begged by best male friend to help just so I wouldn't have to go with my mom. Love her but she is making many bad decisions and is choosing not to be apart of my life. I'd rather not have her there for things like that. Hopefully whoever takes you is understanding that you are going through a type of surgery and will be nice and comforting.


Hmmm that seems a bit worrying they have alcohol in their car, they're not alcoholics are they:wacko: Good you were busy then and having fun so you didn't notice it. 

Oh boy, they don't understand that infertility can hit you at any age, including in your early and mid 20s:dohh: Yep, must be because none of it is considered life threatening or enough of a pain that they'll pay:nope: One thing I don't miss about living in the US. And that birth control comment is just insane when they know you're trying to get pregnant:wacko: Would that even help?

I wish I had a friend I could ask but my one friend is A) really annoying me with her attitude and B) doesn't have a driver's license. She told me recently that maybe I should think positive and then I'll get pregnant:dohh: She doesn't get infertility at all. We tried explaining it to her but she got a blank look on her face so we dropped it. I sent her an SMS and told her maybe we shouldn't talk about it anymore and that you can't think positive your way out of infertility any more than you can think your way positive out of having cancer but she basically told me I didn't get the depth of what she was trying to say so I'm on an extended break from her. Couldn't handle her drama anyway, she'll just have to rely on her other friends. Rather have my MIL than my own mother or that childish friend (even if she could drive), they'd just drive me crazy with their selfish attitude and stupid comments. At least my MIL knows to not say stupid stuff now that DH talked to her. Would love for DH's grandmother to do it but she's 93 so might be a bit much to ask her, she's otherwise amazing about all this:thumbup:

Anyway sorry your mom is being impossible again. I get it. Are you still in contact with her? If she's too emotionally draining, you could consider going low contact. I'm trying to go as low contact with mine as possible and it's working.


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## HCas

Don't know if it would help really. I wouldn't think it would. But oh well. We'll figure it out without them. 

As for my mom.... I talk to her maybe once or twice a month. Normally because I need a ride to work or she wants me to ask my sister something. However somehow me and Roger got pulled into taking a two hour drive with our niece and nephew next week to her house for two days. That should be interesting. It kinda sucks though because I kept saying I didn't want to. I just wanted to hang out with Roger for the last few weeks left of being a pair instead of a threesome XD Oh well rather take them than let them be on that drive with someone we've only met once.


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## KatO79

OK that sound like my contact with mine. I've managed to stop her daily calls and see her 1-2 a month with DH. It seems to take the edge off since she normally doesn't say anything _really_ cruel in front of him. The worse she's done was tell him that I was (materialistic wise) spoiled rotten a few days ago. I don't know why she keeps telling people that other than as a set up for when we're on bad terms again to show them I'm ungrateful or something.

I hope that your mom isn't too bad those 2 days:wacko: Sorry no one else could do that when your relationship with her isn't very good. Does it help if your DH is there? Like, is she nicer?

I've been having family issues myself. I don't remember if I told you this but my brother started a heated debate with me on FB when I posted an article saying that the whole relaxation thing is a myth. I wasn't in the mood or right emotional state and told him that and tried to end the debate but then he told me basically I'm childish and just can't handle someone having a different opinion than me:wacko: This coming from a man that went through assisted conception for 4 years (TTCing 5 years total) before they had their daughter. 

My sister was also too much, when I told her my 2nd IUI failed and AF showed up she just wrote "I got my period too...ughh...keep trying" or something like that. As if my AF could be compared to hers since she has 2 kids and isn't TTCing:nope: I told her that politely and she never wrote to me again. I now never hear from her. Other than when I liked one of her posts and she wrote "Wow! I finally got a like from (insert my full name here since she tagged me)...impressive":wacko: She very rarely likes any of my posts herself so don't know why she saw the need to be catty:nope: She didn't even "like" a recent post I made with pictures of some of the earrings I've made. Perhaps because I wasn't non-stop liking all her pictures of her kids? Or their very recent trip to Disneyland with my brother, his wife and his daughter? I didn't respond since it'll just end badly and my brother will mix in and tell me how selfish I'm being:nope:

We both really lucked out in the family department:dohh: I have much better relationships with DH's family than my own, my cousin being the exception, she's lovely (95% of the time anyway:winkwink:):thumbup:


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## HCas

See my relationship with my mom is... strange. I can deal with her and she has no idea that I have issues with her. But the issues are that I recently learned that she lied to me my entire childhood about my father (stupid lies at that like why they divorced) and other things she swore she told me the truth about. I also have issues with how she always says that she tried to keep her family together (her two sisters and parents) but never once actually tried and instead always started fights with them and made herself into being the victim then she comes to me and complains about how much her family hates her and how they hate me too for being her daughter. I can't stand my aunts because they deny their families are screwed and always point out how we're poor or how I can't have kids and stuff. But they on more than one occasion recently proved that despite how they act the do care, unlike her who only speaks to me if she wants me to bring my niece and nephew to visit or if she can't get ahold of my sister. And when we do talk I try talking to her about things that are bothering me and she either acts like she isn't listening and talks about herself or she does the "Baby I already warned you that having kids might be impossible for you. So I don't know why it's upsetting you that you got your period." thing. Like literally she told me that when I got to her house on Monday.

The only ones in my family I actually get along with are my dad and my niece and nephew. And my dad has only become close to me in the last two years after I told him off for treating me like crap. I get along with my sister slightly but its kinda forced. I love her but she uses me a lot. And if it weren't for my niece and nephew and ffor Ave-Marie I probably wouldn't ever talk to her.

I'm sorry your siblings are brats to you. I don't understand how people who went through the same thing can treat others like crap and people who have never gone through it think that they can relate. My little cousin tried relating to me recently because of a loss. I felt really bad for her but she literally never talks to me and started the convo with me with the words "I finally understand how you feel." I didn't know how to respond so I asked her what she meant. And she said that she mc twice and so she understood my feelings now. I tried to gently tell her she really had no idea because I have recently gone through a third and am considered infertile while she is 18 very fertile (since she's already pregnant again) and the only reason she lost hers was because she did things she wasn't suppose to do. She got pissed at me for "thinking my pain was worse" and cussed me out. And when In tried explaining again that that wasn't it but that she still couldn't truly understand where I was coming from she decided to tell the whole family that i lied to her about miscarrying. The only people who knew about my loses were my mom, sister, and her (inside the family) so her whole side now thinks that I was trying to get attention by lying about a loss to someone who "actually" went through one and they don't believe me or my mom or Roger when we try and tell them the truth. 

Wow we really did get a interesting selection of family didn't we? Makes me so greatful for Roger's family. They are much more normal. And nicer... And they feel like family.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> See my relationship with my mom is... strange. I can deal with her and she has no idea that I have issues with her. But the issues are that I recently learned that she lied to me my entire childhood about my father (stupid lies at that like why they divorced) and other things she swore she told me the truth about. I also have issues with how she always says that she tried to keep her family together (her two sisters and parents) but never once actually tried and instead always started fights with them and made herself into being the victim then she comes to me and complains about how much her family hates her and how they hate me too for being her daughter. I can't stand my aunts because they deny their families are screwed and always point out how we're poor or how I can't have kids and stuff. But they on more than one occasion recently proved that despite how they act the do care, unlike her who only speaks to me if she wants me to bring my niece and nephew to visit or if she can't get ahold of my sister. And when we do talk I try talking to her about things that are bothering me and she either acts like she isn't listening and talks about herself or she does the "Baby I already warned you that having kids might be impossible for you. So I don't know why it's upsetting you that you got your period." thing. Like literally she told me that when I got to her house on Monday.

I'm so sorry, your mother actually sounds a lot like mine. I think I mentioned Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) to you last time? I think your mother might have it. Mine lies as well, to me she blatantly lies while to others she puts a bit more thought into it. Victim mentality, yep that'd be a typical NPD trait as well. My mother is also forever making herself out to be the victim in everything, even in cases where she's clearly been the aggressive part. She's never wrong, never at fault. Problems with her kids? It's all us, we're ungrateful. Talking about herself 90-95% of the time? Check, mine does that as well. That comment sounds pretty narcissistic as well, cruelties couched in a loving way. Mine was for the first 9-10 months of TTCing constantly trying to talk me out of having kids, saying it'll be the biggest mistake of my life and if she could do her life over, she'd never of had any kids. She also will tell me how she never had any problems conceiving her 6 kids, even conceiving me at age 41. When I try and explain that she was more fertile at that age than most because she started having kids when she was 18, it goes right over her head. She's telling me how much more fertile she was than I am, how much more of a woman she is than I'll be.

If your mother does have NPD, it might be best to not talk to her about anything that's emotionally important to you. She'll just use it as ammunition or be totally cruel about it to see you get upset and enjoy your pain. My mom does that, say nasty things to my face to see my hurt expression while a smile plays over her lips and her eyes shine. It's truely sick! It's called being an emotional vampire, they feed off of your pain. She once frightened me some years ago and I said "Wow Mom, you gave me a heart attack!" Her reply: "That's impossible sweetheart, you don't have a heart", huge smile on her face. Then there's that time out of the blue she told me I'm selfish, I was flabbergasted and was all "Umm...wow, no Mom, I don't feel I am...." but she just said, smiling again, "I can say whatever I want to you and there's nothing you can do about it.":wacko: I know now that it was a case of projection but was totally caught off guard. I have _tons_ of stories, won't bore you with them all:winkwink: Unless you want me too:haha:

So yeah, I feel your pain:nope: If you can, try going low contact with her. You don't need that this time in your life. See her as little as possible. Know that it has _nothing_ to do with you, she has issues and probably had a mother that treated her the way she's treating you. Narcissistic mothers create 2 types of kids: those that are narcissistic themselves (to varying degrees) and the sensitive ones that get emotionally run down by the narcissistic family members. We're of course in the latter category. The ones lucky enough not to be narcissistic ourselves but unfortunately have to deal with the verbal and emotional abuse the narcissists in the family dish out to make themselves feel better and somehow make ourselves whole enough in the end that we can rise above it. They're nothing but insecure bullies, forever stuck at the emotional stage of a 6 year old with no ability to grow or introspect.




HCas said:


> I'm sorry your siblings are brats to you. I don't understand how people who went through the same thing can treat others like crap and people who have never gone through it think that they can relate. My little cousin tried relating to me recently because of a loss. I felt really bad for her but she literally never talks to me and started the convo with me with the words "I finally understand how you feel." I didn't know how to respond so I asked her what she meant. And she said that she mc twice and so she understood my feelings now. I tried to gently tell her she really had no idea because I have recently gone through a third and am considered infertile while she is 18 very fertile (since she's already pregnant again) and the only reason she lost hers was because she did things she wasn't suppose to do. She got pissed at me for "thinking my pain was worse" and cussed me out. And when In tried explaining again that that wasn't it but that she still couldn't truly understand where I was coming from she decided to tell the whole family that i lied to her about miscarrying. The only people who knew about my loses were my mom, sister, and her (inside the family) so her whole side now thinks that I was trying to get attention by lying about a loss to someone who "actually" went through one and they don't believe me or my mom or Roger when we try and tell them the truth.

In this case I suspect my brother may have NPD to a degree, he's not as malignant as my mother though, that's for sure. But he's always been on the arrogant side and always has this need to see me as a horrible person. My sister I can't entirely explain as she was mostly raised by her stepmother but perhaps she has some issues still from those early years. She's more sympathetic though to what our mother has done to me while my brother won't really talk about it.

Your cousin unfortunately sounds toxic as well. I'd talk to her as little as possible and avoid talking about anything emotionally important, like with your mom. Maybe try avoiding getting into discussions and let her be right, if she wants to feel like her pain is worse, it's probably not worth discussing anyway. Sounds like she's also into the victim mentality and being the injured party:nope:




HCas said:


> Wow we really did get a interesting selection of family didn't we? Makes me so greatful for Roger's family. They are much more normal. And nicer... And they feel like family.

Totally in the same situation, DH's family have been wonderful to me and his parents (other than the LTTTC thing which they don't get _at all_) have always been so good to me and treated me really well. His grandmother has also been so great and I get along fine with his brothers. 

But I have learned something: I'll _never_ put my child through the abuse my mother put me through! I'll be a loving mother to my child, the mother mine is totally incapable of being. The chain of abuse ends with me!


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## HCas

Yeah. I really only see my mom once in a blue moon now (mainly at weddings and other family events) as for my cousin I only speak to her.... well let's out it this way. That was the first time she's spoken to me since I had my second lose. And she only spoke to me then because she thought Roger was hot and wanted to talk to him :dohh: 

I agree with you. The chain ends here. I could not do what my mom did to me to my child. Ignoring all problems and acting like things would just "turn out" is not how you parent. 

Its kinda funny though because while I was over there we talked about Ave-Marie and I brought up how I still had a lot to get for her since we only have 7 weeks left. She made a comment along the lines of how I shouldn't spoil her too much and how sometimes it's good to turn a blind eye. Roger, who was in the other room playing with my niece said "That explains so much." and she got really red and shut up. It's hard to put her at a loss of words so it was nice and funny to see :happydance::thumbup:


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Yeah. I really only see my mom once in a blue moon now (mainly at weddings and other family events) as for my cousin I only speak to her.... well let's out it this way. That was the first time she's spoken to me since I had my second lose. And she only spoke to me then because she thought Roger was hot and wanted to talk to him :dohh:
> 
> I agree with you. The chain ends here. I could not do what my mom did to me to my child. Ignoring all problems and acting like things would just "turn out" is not how you parent.
> 
> Its kinda funny though because while I was over there we talked about Ave-Marie and I brought up how I still had a lot to get for her since we only have 7 weeks left. She made a comment along the lines of how I shouldn't spoil her too much and how sometimes it's good to turn a blind eye. Roger, who was in the other room playing with my niece said "That explains so much." and she got really red and shut up. It's hard to put her at a loss of words so it was nice and funny to see :happydance::thumbup:

I think that sounds like a good idea. Lucky, I end up seeing my mother 1 a month because DH has never entirely got it so.... My mother though has found out I don't want to talk to her much so she calls and manipulates DH instead to get us to come over:dohh:

Oh boy, your cousin sounds like a prize:haha: She doesn't sound like she's ready to be a mom to be honest though:nope:

Nope it truely isn't. Makes you wonder why our mothers even bothered having kids. Although I have read that narcissists have children to have "mirrors" of themselves so maybe that's why. My mother certainly never spent any time with me and the only time she showed interest was when I went horseback riding so she could take credit for my talent and when I won or placed high in competitions.

For Roger:thumbup: Maybe he could come over here and shut my mother up, that'd be priceless:haha: My DH could use some tips:winkwink: I'm usually pretty quick with coming up with one-liners but I seem to be bad in coming up with stuff that isn't too harsh if you get my meaning. I need to learn how to shut her up and not entice an altercation which is why normally don't say a word.


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## HCas

Haha I understand. I use to never say anything so now that I openly tell it how it is I always get told that I'm mean or a bitch. And my sister likes to use it as reason to be bitchy with me (when she's not pregnant since she's nicer when she is XD ). But oh well. I'd rather seem mean than be walked on any more.

Usually Roger doesn't say anything. He's pretty timid around my family which I don't understand since he's snarky with me and always pushes his sbling's buttons XD So I think it really caught her off gaurd.


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## deafgal01

:hi:


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## HCas

Hey Deafgal! Long time no chat.

How have you been doing?


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## deafgal01

Still on break haha... Busy with work mostly. How are u?


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## HCas

Pretty good. Been going crazy trying to figure out my body butttt at least I've calmed down a bit XD


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## deafgal01

You should try a cruise when you get a chance one of these days!


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Haha I understand. I use to never say anything so now that I openly tell it how it is I always get told that I'm mean or a bitch. And my sister likes to use it as reason to be bitchy with me (when she's not pregnant since she's nicer when she is XD ). But oh well. I'd rather seem mean than be walked on any more.
> 
> Usually Roger doesn't say anything. He's pretty timid around my family which I don't understand since he's snarky with me and always pushes his sbling's buttons XD So I think it really caught her off gaurd.


Sounds like how my mother would react as well:winkwink: And it sounds like your sister should be pregnant all the time :rofl: Totally get it though. I just feel like I need to be a bit careful in how I say things as otherwise my mother may go into a rage and make a scene:wacko: I've seen her do it and I wasn't saying anything bad either, she just didn't like it that I didn't jump when she said I should:nope:

He sounds like my DH. Mine is a bit conflict shy (with almost everyone else but me apparently) but even more so when it's my family which I don't get. 

Hi deafgal :wave:


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## deafgal01

Hi kat!


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## KatO79

Thought I'd update: I got back from the clinic and there's only 1 follie this time, in my left ovary (plus a couple of small ones in my right):wacko: But if it's a special, prime quality, "Golden Egg" type follie then it's alright with me:haha: I've had 2 follies the other 3 IUIs so you never know:winkwink:

She wants me to trigger at 1:15 AM on the night between Saturday and Sunday and the IUI will be Monday afternoon at 1:15 PM. I asked her about the trigger being at 36 hours this time since last time they wanted me to trigger 24-25 hours before. But she said I was around CD16 those times on IUI day and this time I'll be about CD12 so we can trigger at 36 hours before this time since the risk of Oing earlier is minimal. So here's hoping she's right and that that made sense, I'm not always good at explaining things:wacko::haha:


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## deafgal01

Good luck kat!


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## HCas

Sorry I've been gone. Was in the hospital for a few nights


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## deafgal01

Are u ok now? Why in the hospital if I can Ask...


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## HCas

I'be been struggling with insomnia for awhile now and the other day I finally passed out but it was while I was out and about and I guess hit my head pretty good so Roger took me to make sure I didn't have a concussion. They wanted to keep an eye on me so I wound up staying a few nights.

But I'm all good now. I've even been able to get to sleep now.


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## KatO79

Glad to hear it wasn't anything very serious HCas:thumbup:

AFM my IUI is tomorrow at 1:15 PM:happydance: Here's hoping the Easter Bunny has given me a Golden Egg this time:haha:


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## deafgal01

How scary! Glad you are ok!

Good luck Kat!


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## KatO79

So my IUI went well today. DH's count was 30 million and the follie was starting to change shape and release the egg so we caught it earlier this time. So here's hoping:winkwink:


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## HCas

Yay FX for you that this is your cycle. Maybe we get lucky and this is both of our cycles ^^ If it's not mine I'll probably be moving to WTT since we'll have a newborn sharing our room for a few months XD

That or we'll become very good at planning ttc around grandma time XD my MIL has already told me many times that she doesn't mind watching Ave-Marie while we do shopping and such soooooo XP


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Yay FX for you that this is your cycle. Maybe we get lucky and this is both of our cycles ^^ If it's not mine I'll probably be moving to WTT since we'll have a newborn sharing our room for a few months XD
> 
> That or we'll become very good at planning ttc around grandma time XD my MIL has already told me many times that she doesn't mind watching Ave-Marie while we do shopping and such soooooo XP

Yes it would be nice seeing as how it's my birthday May 1st and I had my chemical at the end of April so a super sticky BFP this time would be great :blush: We'll see how it goes though, my hopes are pretty low and I'm going to avoid getting carried away with any "symptoms". As long as I don't get AF 2, almost 3, days earlier than anticipated like last time that'd be good:winkwink: 

Here's hoping it is so you don't have to go WTT :dust: But good that you have someone to watch the baby if need be:winkwink:


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## HCas

I know that feeling. I almost like better when she comes a few days late then when she comes early. If that makes me crazy oh well. Whenever she comes early its ALWAYS when I have something planned. Like once we were going to some springs and I was like "Oh yeah she shouldn't come til Monday because of this medicine I'm taking." Nope. She came that day full force and I spent most of the day on the bank watching Roger and his siblings playing. It wasn't cool.

XD Yeah I'm pretty excited about that. She has no idea what she signed herself up for. But she may get a break for a little because the FIL and his wife are coming down the month after she's born and staying for a month so we may be like. "Here baby time" and run off. If only to shop XD


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## KatO79

Yeah I guess I'd prefer it to come late than early if I had the choice. But late isn't fun either as it can get your hopes up. I once had AF come 5 days late and in that time I'd gotten my hopes a bit up:dohh:

Good thing you have lots of people to help you with the baby:thumbup: It's nice to have some options so you don't overload e.g. one person. When we have our baby we won't have many options other than DH's parents since I wouldn't trust my baby alone with my NPD mother and his little brother (at age 32-33 no less) would be too immature to handle it. His big brother is divorced now so not much of an option unless it's a bit of an emergency. That's it. Don't think I'd let my cousin at this point babysit either. Any other family I have is in the US and I recently concluded my big brother also has NPD (like my mother does) and my sister is either also a case or she's just under my brother's "spell" so.... I've actually given up on having a good relationship with them due to my brother's constant "verbal" abuse (since we communicate only via email) and my sister defending him.


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## deafgal01

Yay for a nice report Kat! Fingers crossed the egg meets the spermie!

How are you doing hc?


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## HCas

Hey guys. I won't be on for a few days. My grandpa is passing and we're gonna go over to see him for the last time and help my grandma as much as possible. I probably won't be on til after his funeral.


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## deafgal01

Sorry to hear that. I will be praying for your family to find comfort in his last days and the funeral. :hugs:


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## KatO79

I'm so sorry HCas, take the time you need:hugs:


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## HCas

Thanks guys. He's more stable now but it's only a matter of time. The next few days I'm also taking my dad's place and going back and forth to check on him since my dad couldn't stay on this coast any longer (work and my step brother).


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## deafgal01

Aw :hugs:


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## KatO79

:hug:


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## HCas

Sorry again I wasn't on a lot. My grandpa passed two days ago and things just... fell apart. Me and Roger were trying to keep with our TTC schedule as well as visit him before he went, handle my niece and nephew so my sister could have a small break, handle her, handle my mom, do a church thing for my grandma on my mom's side, ect.... Really life just wanted to smack me while I was down.

I swear each month about the time I should ovulate is when all the life stress decides to show up.


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## KatO79

I'm so sorry HCas, my condolences :hug:

I hope things go only up from here for you.


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## deafgal01

:hugs: that sucks!


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## KatO79

Sorry to add to the misery but looks like it's bad news guys:nope: I have red blood at my cervix and am cramping so yet another failed IUI, AF will be full flow by early tomorrow morning. Will be calling the clinic tomorrow morning to start IUI #5 but honestly, I've mentally given up on IUI ever working for us and just wish we could start IVF:cry: Worst part is I'm starting to fear like it'll never happen for us and that my eggs are to blame:cry: I just felt like everything looked so good with 1 egg and the timing felt pretty good. 

Sorry to be so negative, I'm just feeling extra crap since I'll be turning 36 and really feel like I'm racing against my biological clock:(


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## deafgal01

What a bummer! That just blows! I hope something changes soon for you! I can relate to that feeling thinking it will never happen.


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## KatO79

deafgal01 said:


> What a bummer! That just blows! I hope something changes soon for you! I can relate to that feeling thinking it will never happen.

Thanks deafgal:flower: DH was a bit sad as well since he also thought the timing was good and everything looked good. I don't know if we shouldn't have taken that walk in a nearby park afterwards, maybe we should've just driven home and I should've just been laying in the sofa the rest of the day. 

I know there's still a chance but I just feel like after 4 failed IUIs, that IUI is most likely a Waste of time for us. DH still believes it could Work so he's trying to be positive for us both. Yet again, I was offering him to go find some 25-26 year old that's more fertile and has a job so he isn't stuck with his infertile very soon 36 year old housewife.

Think I'm also feeling extra negative since my youngest BIL got a job not too long ago with the absolute minmum effort and he was going a bit after me yeasterday that I'd dropped trying to find a job after 6½ years of trying, including taking a 2nd education during that time and sedning 7-800 applications total. But he's in music, I'm in biotech and his girlfriend luckily broke in after a while and told him it wasn't that easy to get a job in my field, definitely easier in his line of work. He left it after that but he made me feel bad for being the "loser" in DH's family that can't get a job and that combined with AF knocking on my door now made me break today:cry: Doesn't help my narcissitic family is totally unsupportive and don't give a rats behind about me, they just treat me like crap and make everything about them. Couldn't even have my infertility for myself on FB before narcissistic brother went after me with our sister and made it about them.


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## deafgal01

Your bro does not understand!

You are worth everything! Job or not! Fertile or infertile - you are every bit worth it! Do not let him bring you down with his toxicity!


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## KatO79

deafgal01 said:


> Your bro does not understand!
> 
> You are worth everything! Job or not! Fertile or infertile - you are every bit worth it! Do not let him bring you down with his toxicity!


Thanks deafgal:hugs: It just bugs me that it feels like everyone is after me, first toxic brother plus sister (who are now silent treatmenting me, have been since January although I'm sure they'll suddenely write Happy B-day on my FB page soon). My cousin has been distancing herself as well but she's enmeshed with toxic brother and sister so no surprise there. Now DH's little brother started something but he doesn't know my toxic siblings aren't supportive or that we're going through assisted conception (although he'd know if he followed me on FB which I guess he doesn't but he also has over 800 friends since he plays in a metal band). I don't know, I think the whole situation is just escalating my upset feelings over this failed IUI. If it wasn't for my wonderful DH, all the lovely ladies here on BnB and the wonderful people on Reddit RBN (raisedbynarcissists), I'd be in much worse shape than I am.


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## KatO79

When you thought it couldn't get worse... I have a HUGE cyst in one ovary so the IUI is cancelled:cry::cry::cry::cry: Have a smaller one as well and if it had only been that one, they would've given the green light. So it'll be NTNP this month and you probably won't see me very much this month. They said to call next time AF showed up.

Maybe this is nature's way of telling me to give it up:cry::cry:


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## HCas

I'm sorry for the failed IUI Kat. Hope things start looking up for you soon :hugs: Also don't give up! You're gonna have that beautiful sticky bean someday!


On some positive news we found out what date Ave-Marie will be born. Her C-section is May 19th at 9:30 in the morning. This Sunday we're doing her adoption shower and then finishing up her nursery for her.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> I'm sorry for the failed IUI Kat. Hope things start looking up for you soon :hugs: Also don't give up! You're gonna have that beautiful sticky bean someday!
> 
> 
> On some positive news we found out what date Ave-Marie will be born. Her C-section is May 19th at 9:30 in the morning. This Sunday we're doing her adoption shower and then finishing up her nursery for her.


Thanks HCas, I'm just upset we can't do an IUI this month because of that big cyst:( Guess we'll have to do it naturally but that hasn't worked for us in months other than that chemical last year in April on my 7th cycle. I'm turning 36 very soon so that's also making me antsy that it might not happen. So going to try and look forward to doing IUI #5 next month (providing there are no new cysts).

So happy for you HCas, I hope you soon have your sticky bean yourself:hugs:


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## HCas

I have my fxed for you. I know it sucks to have cysts. The ruin everything. My doctor is fully convinced that my cysts are what terminated my last pregnancy (a chemical I had about two months ago) though there was no proof since I did't go in for it. But we gotta keep our faith because those rainbows aren't gonna make themselves ^^

And thank you. I'm really really hoping that we'll both have our early 2016 babies. 

Also when Ave-Marie is born I'm gonna post soooooo many pictures for you XD


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> I have my fxed for you. I know it sucks to have cysts. The ruin everything. My doctor is fully convinced that my cysts are what terminated my last pregnancy (a chemical I had about two months ago) though there was no proof since I did't go in for it. But we gotta keep our faith because those rainbows aren't gonna make themselves ^^
> 
> And thank you. I'm really really hoping that we'll both have our early 2016 babies.
> 
> Also when Ave-Marie is born I'm gonna post soooooo many pictures for you XD


Can cysts really do that? I think I've read of pregnant women having cysts without them terminating it but maybe it depends? I don't know much about cysts since, at least to my knowledge, I haven't had them before. Although maybe I did, one of my first months off of BCP I may have had one because I felt this awful pain to the side so maybe it was a cyst bursting:shrug: Anyway, I'm gonna take this month totally relaxed and not think about things so I can be fully positive for IUI #5. It's just hard sometimes to see everyone else getting their BFPs and be almost "last woman standing." I'm afraid I have crappy eggs even though nothing from the CD3 hormone test suggests it. Maybe if we need IVF, I'll find out at that point. Distracting myself with talking to people on Reddit raisedbynarcissists and learning how to use non-defensive communication so I can use it when talking/writing with my narcissistic brother and narcissistic mother (although my bro has been ignoring me since very early January after I told him he shouldn't be insulting people when debating with them).

I'll be looking forward to it:winkwink:


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## HCas

Sorry I didn't reply. After my grandpa past a lot of drama was brought to light that me and my dad had to deal with and then Monday I suffered from a chemical. I kinda went to a dark place and didn't even talk to my best friend who was there when we got the news.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Sorry I didn't reply. After my grandpa past a lot of drama was brought to light that me and my dad had to deal with and then Monday I suffered from a chemical. I kinda went to a dark place and didn't even talk to my best friend who was there when we got the news.


Awww HCas, I'm so so sorry to hear that :hug: Sorry about all the drama as well. That's why I've gone very low contact on my toxic family, I just don't need the drama right now that I'm going through infertility (especially since they're making everything about them). It has actually made me happier. Maybe that might be an option for you as well? I know you need to put up with your sister since you're adopting her baby but maybe you could cut down on how much you see some of the other toxic members of your family?


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## HCas

Too be honest my dad's family I've always had very little contact with. My grandma always stirs things up and my aunt's (though they both a nice and kind to me) will stab each other in the back. On that side I'm close to both my uncles though. But the drama that unfolded had to do with my late grandpa and his wife who withheld everything from my dad and his siblings. I only dealt with any of it though was because my dad couldn't alone. He's having a hard time with the passing of his dad and now having to fight his wife over his military flag after she told him he could have it.

I no longer have interaction with my mom's other than my grandma and one aunt (mainly because she's a nurse and helps a lot when I'm in the hospital). I don't even really talk to my mom anymore, sadly. 

But I've been doing good today and yesterday. Only been focusing on the fact that Ave-Marie will be here is 16 days ^^ Wish we could have been pregnant too but we still have time to try.


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## KatO79

That sounds like a good idea to stay as much away from the toxic family members as possible. I'm sorry to hear that your grandfather's wife has been making things so difficult. She sounds like someone your family no longer should be in contact with now that your grandfather passed away. It's good to hear you're low contact on your mother, she sounded very toxic if I remember correctly. Yes it's sad but I've come to the conclusion that if our mothers had just been able to treat us with love and respect, we wouldn't need to go low contact on them. I have zero guilt at this point. I need to protect my mental and emotional health, otherwise I won't be able to be a good mother when I do have my baby. Plus I don't want to teach my child that emotional and verbal abuse isn't okay but is okay when it's family, that's a poor lesson to teach in my book.

Just keep focusing on that your baby will soon be here, that muust be very exciting:happydance: Looking forward to seeing pics, also of all the cute baby stuff you've gotten for her. I hope we both soon have our bumps :thumbup:

AFM I've been avoiding my narcissistic mother as much as possible (although I'll be seeing her for my birthday party on Saturday, oh joy:wacko:) plus my narcissistic brother and his enabler wife (which is easier as they live in the USA). My sister, also in the US, I barely hear from as well as I believe she has sided with my brother who no doubt has been lying to her about who I am and making me out to be almost as bad as our very toxic mother. I'm done fighting them, if they are so adamant in believing I'm such a horrible, toxic person then there's nothing I can do about that and I will just have to gradually go no contact on them (unless they create a toxic situation where bro insults me again, then that means I'll go no contact then and there). 

TTC-wise, I'm still having watery/EWCM (I'm CD15 today) so not sure if I've Oed or not since we're taking things really easy this cycle. Something tells me I may have Oed yesterday or the day before but we'll just BD every 2-3 days until I'm completely sure. Can't hurt, right:winkwink:


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## HCas

FXed for you. I hate not knowing when I ovulate but like you said doesn't hurt to keep trying XD Are you charting or anything this month or just playing by ear.
I'm only one cd9 myself but I'm very unsure about this cycle. Since I stopped bleeding I've been having bad af like cramping almost all day long. I thought it was cysts at first but I've never had the pain last this long before so I'm really unsure. 

But we're not worrying about it for now. Today we're taking a trip to my dad's with my niece and nephew. We're gonna have lunch with him, then go to the beach, then an art and circus museum then we'll meet up with my stepmum's parents. Haha it'll be interesting since I've only meet them twice now.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> FXed for you. I hate not knowing when I ovulate but like you said doesn't hurt to keep trying XD Are you charting or anything this month or just playing by ear.
> I'm only one cd9 myself but I'm very unsure about this cycle. Since I stopped bleeding I've been having bad af like cramping almost all day long. I thought it was cysts at first but I've never had the pain last this long before so I'm really unsure.
> 
> But we're not worrying about it for now. Today we're taking a trip to my dad's with my niece and nephew. We're gonna have lunch with him, then go to the beach, then an art and circus museum then we'll meet up with my stepmum's parents. Haha it'll be interesting since I've only meet them twice now.


I haven't charted in a long time since I found it too stressful. So just pretty much acting like we aren't TTCing really and see how it goes. My chances really stink at around 6% for a natural cycle (based on my age and length of trying) so not much hope here:nope:

That's odd, have no idea what that could be. Have you tried asking your GP?

Hope you have a great trip, sounds like fun:happydance:


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## HCas

Not yet. It just started this cycle so I thought it might be lingering effects but I'm thinking of making an app soon because where as they're not extreme it is discomforting. 

I semi chart. Meaning I stare at it like I will do it then forget lol. I did try charting a few times but my temp fluxes so much not even ff could pinpoint o. Oh well

It was a blast we went to the ringling brothers museum and enjoyed the day. My dad loved seeing the babies so it was awesome


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Not yet. It just started this cycle so I thought it might be lingering effects but I'm thinking of making an app soon because where as they're not extreme it is discomforting.
> 
> I semi chart. Meaning I stare at it like I will do it then forget lol. I did try charting a few times but my temp fluxes so much not even ff could pinpoint o. Oh well
> 
> It was a blast we went to the ringling brothers museum and enjoyed the day. My dad loved seeing the babies so it was awesome


That sounds like a good idea. I hope it isn't anything bad:nope:

Hmmm charting may not be your thing:winkwink: I think I was doing it pretty correctly because I could clearly see the temp jump after O but just found it stressful to do during the 2WW because I was looking for "signs of pregnancy" and it drove me nuts:wacko: So thought it best to drop it. I did however learn I was most likely Oing because of it so it made me more at ease in that way. 

Wow I didn't know they had a museum but it does sound like fun. Good to hear it was such a great trip:happydance:

AFM I'm like 98% sure I've Oed since my CM has dried up so now starts the wait. Keeping myself busy planning my party for Saturday. I think DH and I have decided to serve cod with maybe a mussel sauce and some potatoes or a salad (maybe both). After having talked to another member of this board I'm considering trying the paleo diet since she thinks I might benefit even though I don't eat anything with feathers or hooves:winkwink: She just started it herself. Might have to start next week so just need to get DH on board since it can't hurt for him to try it as well:winkwink:


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## HCas

Hope your party went well! And FX for you. 

I'm trying to make plans for tomorrow. Roger works two jobs tomorrow and my mom lives 2 hourss away (not that I really wanna spend time with her) but I don't really want to be alone for mother's day. I'm thinking of taking myself to the beach.

I should also be oing soon. i've been taking something that is suppose to be like a natural clomid and I'm on day 6 of 10 of it.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> Hope your party went well! And FX for you.
> 
> I'm trying to make plans for tomorrow. Roger works two jobs tomorrow and my mom lives 2 hourss away (not that I really wanna spend time with her) but I don't really want to be alone for mother's day. I'm thinking of taking myself to the beach.
> 
> I should also be oing soon. i've been taking something that is suppose to be like a natural clomid and I'm on day 6 of 10 of it.


Yes thanks it went fine. Luckily my narcissistic mother wasn't so bad this time.

I hope you've found something great to do today, the beach sounds great:thumbup:

I hope it works for you. What is it called?

AFM I'm not keeping track but I'm about 7-8 dpo. Have been having a cold for the last 4-5 days and can't seem to completely shake it. Have been sneezing, coughing and my nose is stuffed, mostly on one side. I hate having a stuffed nose, it's so uncomfortable, especially when I have to sleep. DH doesn't get it as when he gets sick, it last 6-10 hours or something and that's it:wacko: I hope our kid mostly inherits his immune system because mine is a bit crappy.


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## KatO79

So no cysts this time and given the green light to start IUI #5. I'll be on 75 IU again. I start my injections tonight.

How's everyone else doing:flower:


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## HCas

Sorry I haven't posted. But I have a good reason. Meet Miss Ave-Marie! She came yesterday morning
 



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## KatO79

Og wow HCas, congrats, so beautiful and very cute:happydance::cloud9:

I take it that the C-section went well.


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## HCas

Yes. She had a bit of preasure but my sister smiled through it all. She was born at 10:12 and was 8 lbs 9 ozs. We are most likely be going home tomorrow since she passed all her tests and since Heidi is doing fine.


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## KatO79

So glad to hear everything went well:happydance: 

Makes my 0 cysts news pale in comparison:haha:


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## HCas

No that's exciting too! Have you already started the medicines? How's everything going?


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> No that's exciting too! Have you already started the medicines? How's everything going?


Yep, started Wednesday night and go in again Wednesday morning to see when I can have the IUI done. I also got the plastic container for used needles emptied while I was there since it was filled up:dohh: Which might be good mentally for me not to see that and can hear the used ones hitting plastic again.

The nurse checked my CD3 hormone results while she was checking when I should come in again and doesn't get why I haven't gotten my BFP yet:shrug: I almost laughed when she mentioned that I'm "young" as well, which should help. Not sure I agree that 36 is that young though, especially when we're talking TTC wise but ok:haha:


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## deafgal01

Hc what a cute baby!!!! Kat good luck with the iui! I've been busy planning finals and doing online orientation for summer school so when my grad classes start, I know what I am doing!


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## HCas

Well I'm rooting for you! And I'm sure they have had older patients. I have faith you won't be waiting too much longer for that sticky bean!

afm We're still not sure if we're gonna move to wtt for a little or if we're just going to continue like before. As of right now we're still waiting for the cycle to end (or to get a bfp)

Good luck with your classes Kat! And thank you.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Well I'm rooting for you! And I'm sure they have had older patients. I have faith you won't be waiting too much longer for that sticky bean!
> 
> afm We're still not sure if we're gonna move to wtt for a little or if we're just going to continue like before. As of right now we're still waiting for the cycle to end (or to get a bfp)

They probably have, I just think it's funny they think 36 is young:haha: I don't want to know how much older some of their other patients are. I'm sure they have women in their 40s but I'm also pushing 40, sort of:haha: Anyway, I hope you're right. I feel like we've waited long enough.

You could also go NTNP. That way you can take it in a very relaxed manner and if it happens, it happens. If not, you can see what you want to do at one point.


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## HCas

That's true. I think that's what we're gonna do. Roger still wants to try but he doesn't want to do all the "extra" stuff. 

So how's everything going on your side? Any news yet?


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> That's true. I think that's what we're gonna do. Roger still wants to try but he doesn't want to do all the "extra" stuff.
> 
> So how's everything going on your side? Any news yet?


Yeah, I think it might be the best way to go about things. Then you can agree when you want to start being more active e.g. in 1 year (whatever you guys prefer). Nope, nothing yet. Injections have been going well and I'll be going in for my 2nd U/S Wednesday morning to see how many follies and when we can do the IUI. It'd be cool if it could be done on Saturday as it'll be our 6th wedding anniversary (although we've been together for more like 11 years total):winkwink: On the other hand if it fails, it might not be so brilliant a day:wacko: 

So how's it going with Ave-Marie?


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## HCas

That would be a lovely anniversary gift if it goes well though. Hope everything goes well. I'll be sending thoughts your way. 

She's doimg good. We're struggling with her being up for 3-5 hours every night since Roger works sobwarly in the morning but we can't complain. My sister is starting to have depression now though so we're trying hard to focus on her and help her as much as possible.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> That would be a lovely anniversary gift if it goes well though. Hope everything goes well. I'll be sending thoughts your way.
> 
> She's doimg good. We're struggling with her being up for 3-5 hours every night since Roger works sobwarly in the morning but we can't complain. My sister is starting to have depression now though so we're trying hard to focus on her and help her as much as possible.


Thank you:flower:

Glad to hear things are going well with Ave-Marie:happydance: Sorry your sister is depressed, is it postpartum depression or is she regretting the adoption or ....:wacko: It might be beneficial for her to see a psychiatrist.


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## HCas

She's not regretting it but it still hurts. But she says seeing her or the other two kids help so she's making it through. She's hanging put with us today to help out, which was nice since I needed a shower and was in a ton of pain.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> She's not regretting it but it still hurts. But she says seeing her or the other two kids help so she's making it through. She's hanging put with us today to help out, which was nice since I needed a shower and was in a ton of pain.


OK, hopefully she'll soon feel happier, especially when she sees how great Ave-Marie has it with you.

Pain?:wacko: I hope it isn't anything bad, what happened?


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## HCas

I've been having bad cramps since she was born and last night while holding her the cramps got worse then I felt a gush so I thought af was here. Turned out to be a ewcm and a lit of it. I made an app on Thursday for the pain


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## KatO79

Where are you in your cycle? I'm thinking if it's close to AF you might want to take a HCG test. I've heard of people having bad cramps (plus having tons of EWCM) when they get pregnant so could it be? Otherwise I have no clue.

AFM I'm ready to have my IUI so it'll be done on Saturday. I definitely have at least 1 follie that'll be ready plus some smaller ones but I doubt they'll reach to mature, maybe 1 of them. Here's hoping it's lucky #5 :)


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## HCas

I should be getting af any day now. I took a test about 3 or 4 days ago and it was negative. Then today I had the worse pains yet and so I checked my cervix to see if she was almost here but there was no blood around my cervix at all. So I'm really not sure what's going on. I have a doctors app tomorrow though since the pain has been going so long now so hopefully he can shed some light on it.

FX for you. I really can't wait to see how this cycle goes for you! I'm positive you'll have that sticky bean soon.


----------



## KatO79

I've heard of people getting BFPs at 13 dpo and after so maybe it's possible? You should try taking another test before that appointment, just to be sure in case he asks. Let me know what happens:)

Thanks HCas, I'm hoping both of us soon get that sticky BFP. We've waited long enough:winkwink: 

I'm not holding my breathe for this IUI but we'll see. After this, we have one more shot at IUI before being on forced break for 2-3 months until we can start IVF. Would be great if we didn't need it and got our BFP this time though.


----------



## HCas

Well took a test yesterday morning before my doctor appointment got a bfn get to it af shows. Then find out the pain was caused by bowel spasms so now I jave to take pain meds and muscle relaxers while taking care of a newborn. This does not sound like it will be a fun week. They did however put me back on metformin so maybe I'll get some where this year. 

No matter what happens I have faith your miracle is right around the corner! I hope it all goes well this time around though


----------



## KatO79

That doesn't sound pleasant:wacko: What were they caused by? Yeah, muscle relaxers don't sound like the thing to be on when you have a newborn:nope:

Thanks:hugs: Will let you how tomorrow goes. Hopefully I'll at least not have Oed. Ever since that happend for my 3rd IUI, I've been afraid of it happening again:wacko: I've been feeling activity in my left ovary so could be good if there's 1 more follie ready to pop so we'd have 2 follies but kinda doubt it.


----------



## HCas

They said anything from stress to ibs could cause it. And so far the meds haven't helped. It's just gotten worse and now period cramps are joining in. 

Excited to hear how it goes. I'll keep you in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope food news is coming your way.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> They said anything from stress to ibs could cause it. And so far the meds haven't helped. It's just gotten worse and now period cramps are joining in.
> 
> Excited to hear how it goes. I'll keep you in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope food news is coming your way.

Awww, HCas, can you take pain killers for it? Maybe you should call your GP and let him know the meds aren't helping.

So the IUI went well and I had 2 follies with a potential for a 3rd if I understood him correctly:happydance: The fun thing was it wasn't one of the 3 nurses I'm used to, it was the one male RE they have that did it. So here's hoping it makes a difference:thumbup: The only thing he did weird was he didn't tip me a bit so my head was a bit down but you don't dare say anything, especially when it's an RE doing it:wacko:

DH's count was it's highest: at 50 million:wacko:


----------



## HCas

Yay FX :thumbup: So now its just waiting right? This sounds very promising though so here's hoping they can swim XD


I called him and he told me to up my dosage since I was only taking 2 a day and you can take 4. He said if it doesn't help after the weekend to come back in Monday. Also am having the weirdest period ever. Two days ago it was just light spotting. Yesterday was either heavy spotting or extremely light flow and today is even lighter spotting. Have no idea what that could mean.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> Yay FX :thumbup: So now its just waiting right? This sounds very promising though so here's hoping they can swim XD
> 
> 
> I called him and he told me to up my dosage since I was only taking 2 a day and you can take 4. He said if it doesn't help after the weekend to come back in Monday. Also am having the weirdest period ever. Two days ago it was just light spotting. Yesterday was either heavy spotting or extremely light flow and today is even lighter spotting. Have no idea what that could mean.


Yep, now comes the 2WW which I hate:nope: Yeah I think DH's highest count was 40 million before this so it's 10 million more this time. But we refrained from BDing for 4 days to get that:wacko: Which was a problem for me because my hormones were going crazy and I was very BDing interested since it was leading up to O:dohh: So had to "take matters into my own hands" so to speak yesterday morning because I was going nuts and had had hot BDing dreams for 2-3 nights in a row.

OK I hope it soon helps then after upping the dosage:flower: Yeah, weird, but I think you can have strange periods once in a while. I wouldn't read too much into it:shrug:


----------



## HCas

Done with that weird period. It wound up being 5 days of light spotting. 

So any updates for you? I know it's too early for results but how are you feeling?


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> Done with that weird period. It wound up being 5 days of light spotting.
> 
> So any updates for you? I know it's too early for results but how are you feeling?


Wow, that's pretty odd:wacko: 

It's 7 dpiui today and nothing yet. But we'll see. Otherwise it'll be IUI #6 next time:dohh: I recently found out the clinic goes on summer hiatus but I can reach my 6th IUI before they shut down for 3 weeks.

Had an unpleasant visit with my narcissist mother yesterday which is why I was offline almost all day yesterday:nope: She was pretty nasty to me even though DH was with me although she'd of been even worse if I'd come alone. She was totally pissed I'm planning on voting for a political party she doesn't agree with plus that I'm anti-fur and she apparently is into fur because it's good for the economy. Going to try and further lower my contact with her.


----------



## HCas

Well my fingers are still crossed for you. And sorry you had to deal with that. I know how annoying it can be to talk to people who put down your political (and religion) views. It always seems to be more annoying when it's family as well. Hope cutting down on contact even more helps lower your stress levels. Less stress more baby dust is what my RE told me before we stopped going.

I've mainly been off due to family drama with my sister who is now homeless and taking shelter at my over crowded house. I don't think me and Roger are going to be in the running this month simply because between her and her two kids and Ave-Marie we have had no time alone to BD. And believe me we've tried. We even tried hiding out in the bathroom once but my niece really had to go and you can't really make a 4 year old hold it. Then my sister caught my arm and made me hang out with her. Love them but really wish my step dad was in town to take them for a bit. I want a bio baby!


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> Well my fingers are still crossed for you. And sorry you had to deal with that. I know how annoying it can be to talk to people who put down your political (and religion) views. It always seems to be more annoying when it's family as well. Hope cutting down on contact even more helps lower your stress levels. Less stress more baby dust is what my RE told me before we stopped going.
> 
> I've mainly been off due to family drama with my sister who is now homeless and taking shelter at my over crowded house. I don't think me and Roger are going to be in the running this month simply because between her and her two kids and Ave-Marie we have had no time alone to BD. And believe me we've tried. We even tried hiding out in the bathroom once but my niece really had to go and you can't really make a 4 year old hold it. Then my sister caught my arm and made me hang out with her. Love them but really wish my step dad was in town to take them for a bit. I want a bio baby!


Thanks, I haven't given up hope yet because at least I'm feeling things but of course not reading into anything (since it's stuff I've also had for BFN cycles). I'd know I'm completely out if I wasn't experienceing anything (or at least chances would be even higher for a BFN).

Yeah plus she was so nasty and childish about it, it just makes it even more annoying. She's always out to make me feel like less of a person and less of a woman than her. She was e.g. telling me how she knew the day after she was pregnant with all 6 of her kids and she couldn't understand I didn't know already the day after the IUI:dohh: Her parting shot was giving me a newspaper with an article about how kids have too much power in Danish society because the majority are spoiled too much. Not only that, my possibly narcissistic sister (we weren't raised together as her father and our mother had an ugly divorce and she grew up with her father) wrote the strangest thing on my FB on our anniversary as comment to the wedding pic I uploaded: "Awww...you look stunning, (insert narcissistic older brother's name here) was right, I should've crashed your wedding! Happy Anniversary!" Ugghh, this family!

I'm sorry to hear you're having family issues as well:( How long are they planning on staying and how did she end up homeless? Maybe you and Roger should try getting away for a couple of hours a few times once your fertile period arrives again:winkwink: Your sister could watch Ave-Marie or if she can't, maybe a friend could?


----------



## HCas

Well she was staying at her biological dad's house but she threatened his gf's life multiple times and so they kicked her out and she lied to me saying that his gf was over stepping her boundaries and a pill popper. She called and told me to have Roger pick her up and I thought that we'd be taken her to her friend's house which is close by. But nope. She's been her since last Tuesday. And I don't want her watching Ave-Marie for more than a few minutes because children's personalities develop in the first 6 weeks of life and all she does is cuss, bad mouth people, and ignore her kids. I don't want that influencing my daughter. 

I tried telling her that she couldn't stay here more than a day but somehow she weasled herself in her for almost a week. And we mainly don't say anything because of the kids. But every time I turn around my MIL is asking me about when she's leaving and such. And I don't blame her but its annoying me. And the whole time I've been in a ton of pain.

And sadly I don't know my fertile time. I never do. I just assume I won't ovulate each month because chances are I won't. I've been lucky the past few cycles that they were relatively normal but still. Not only that but he only has two days off and works two jobs every other day. So BDing isn't really an activity he wants to do much of. I think we've hit a wall hard.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> Well she was staying at her biological dad's house but she threatened his gf's life multiple times and so they kicked her out and she lied to me saying that his gf was over stepping her boundaries and a pill popper. She called and told me to have Roger pick her up and I thought that we'd be taken her to her friend's house which is close by. But nope. She's been her since last Tuesday. And I don't want her watching Ave-Marie for more than a few minutes because children's personalities develop in the first 6 weeks of life and all she does is cuss, bad mouth people, and ignore her kids. I don't want that influencing my daughter.
> 
> I tried telling her that she couldn't stay here more than a day but somehow she weasled herself in her for almost a week. And we mainly don't say anything because of the kids. But every time I turn around my MIL is asking me about when she's leaving and such. And I don't blame her but its annoying me. And the whole time I've been in a ton of pain.
> 
> And sadly I don't know my fertile time. I never do. I just assume I won't ovulate each month because chances are I won't. I've been lucky the past few cycles that they were relatively normal but still. Not only that but he only has two days off and works two jobs every other day. So BDing isn't really an activity he wants to do much of. I think we've hit a wall hard.


Wow she sounds unstable:wacko: Could you try talking to her in private and agreeing on how long she can stay? Because otherwise she might never leave or make any plans to if there isn't a time frame set.

You could still try getting away sometimes. Maybe you have someone else you can trust to babysit? A friend?


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## HCas

Well my step dad said she can come stay with him when he gets back in state on Tuesday or Wednesday. If for some reason he won't take her in then my MIL has a phone number to a halfway home and will be telling her to leave. We still have to walk on eggshells however with her. The adoption isn't finalized and as you can tell my sister flies off the handle easily. She once threatened to keep my niece from me for telling her she needed to walk to find a job instead of waste our gas to go hang out with friends. 

One wrong move and we could be looking at a cancelled adoption. So it all sucks. We can't just go and kick her out for that and other reasons, mainly being my niece and nephew, and we can't tell her how we feel for fear of setting her off. Me and Roger have pretty much become trapped in our own home with our own family.


----------



## stillhopeful1

Hi! I'm new here but not to ttc. I have been ttc since my miscarriage 8 years ago. I have had mostly downs in my quest to become a mommy. I have been told there is no reason why I've not been able to conceive. currently am on my 6th cycle of 50 MG of clomid. My husband has been tested and he is fine. This is the first time since starting clomid that I have had worries. I should have started on may 9th not that my cycles is spot on every month but this month I took test (clear blue plus) it was negative. I later that day had brownish pink blood when I wiped. (Sorry if tmi) I only spotted for a Lil bit on the 10th I did the same thing. Nothing on the 11th and spotted again on the 12th. I spoke with Dr he said it was my period and to start clomid. I tested again that morning to make sure and still negative. I've never spotted before I went on and took my clomid but when my ovulation hit my Dad was in the hospital with rejection of his lungs from a lung transplant. I wasn't able to dtd but I should have started by today and not even spotting? Not sure what to think and I seem to get swept under the rug by my dr:wacko:


----------



## HCas

stillhopeful1 said:


> Hi! I'm new here but not to ttc. I have been ttc since my miscarriage 8 years ago. I have had mostly downs in my quest to become a mommy. I have been told there is no reason why I've not been able to conceive. currently am on my 6th cycle of 50 MG of clomid. My husband has been tested and he is fine. This is the first time since starting clomid that I have had worries. I should have started on may 9th not that my cycles is spot on every month but this month I took test (clear blue plus) it was negative. I later that day had brownish pink blood when I wiped. (Sorry if tmi) I only spotted for a Lil bit on the 10th I did the same thing. Nothing on the 11th and spotted again on the 12th. I spoke with Dr he said it was my period and to start clomid. I tested again that morning to make sure and still negative. I've never spotted before I went on and took my clomid but when my ovulation hit my Dad was in the hospital with rejection of his lungs from a lung transplant. I wasn't able to dtd but I should have started by today and not even spotting? Not sure what to think and I seem to get swept under the rug by my dr:wacko:

Hello and welcome to BnB.

I know that feeling. I recently had a really strange cycle. Even when taking meds that even out cycles sometimes we can have off ones due to stress. They can be shorter and lighter or longer and heavier. Normally doctors don't worry about it until it happens 3 or more cycles in a row. 

Other things that can effect your cycle are diet, life style, and work. If anything has changed lately or your stress level had been up that could be the reason. If it keeps happening I would stress it to your doctor.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> Well my step dad said she can come stay with him when he gets back in state on Tuesday or Wednesday. If for some reason he won't take her in then my MIL has a phone number to a halfway home and will be telling her to leave. We still have to walk on eggshells however with her. The adoption isn't finalized and as you can tell my sister flies off the handle easily. She once threatened to keep my niece from me for telling her she needed to walk to find a job instead of waste our gas to go hang out with friends.
> 
> One wrong move and we could be looking at a cancelled adoption. So it all sucks. We can't just go and kick her out for that and other reasons, mainly being my niece and nephew, and we can't tell her how we feel for fear of setting her off. Me and Roger have pretty much become trapped in our own home with our own family.


Yeah I can see the problem:nope: How long before it's finalized? She really does sound like she has mental issues, I feel sorry for her kids:( I know what it's like growing up with a mentally ill mother. She doesn't sound like a person who should have kids:nope: I hope she agrees to move out to your step dad very soon so you and Roger can have some peace and so Ave-Marie is safe.

Welcome stillhopeful1:flower: I can relate to the unexplained infertility diagnosis, it's truely annoying to know that they can't find a reason for you not getting pregnant yet it's not happening. I've had my 5th IUI on injectables and fear I may have to go through a 6th but we'll see soon. Sorry to hear about your m/c:( Are you trying naturally with Clomid or with an IUI? If naturally, are you planning on trying IUI or maybe IVF?


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## HCas

My step dad will either be home tonight or tomorrow morning! She'll be out by tomorrow afternoon no matter what! I'm so excited because I started having ewcm and lots of it so I might actually hit a fertile time! It's also been a good day since Roger's dad and step mom came down to visit Ave-Marie. 

And sooooo..... How's everything going? When do you get to test?


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> My step dad will either be home tonight or tomorrow morning! She'll be out by tomorrow afternoon no matter what! I'm so excited because I started having ewcm and lots of it so I might actually hit a fertile time! It's also been a good day since Roger's dad and step mom came down to visit Ave-Marie.
> 
> And sooooo..... How's everything going? When do you get to test?


Yay, sounds great:happydance: And great timing too by the sound of things:thumbup: I hope that the visit was a very positive experience for all 5 of you:happydance:

I'm 11 dpiui and not sure, I'm not feeling so positive about things but we'll see. At least I'm having a few "symptoms" so at least I know I'm not _totally_ out (I'd be feeling even more negative about things in that case). The RE that did my IUI said I could test on the 14th but I think I'll wait until I'm late by a couple of days so I don't waste a test:nope:


----------



## HCas

It was great. And they're staying til Friday so we'll be hanging out today (though Roger's at work) and tomorrow we all might go to a spring, minus Ave who will go with her Papaw for a few. Either the spring or local zoo since they have a butterfly garden right now. I also get to go do a maternity shoot for my little cousin today. She's finally got her rainbow baby and she wants to do progressions photos starting this month so it'll be fun ^^

Well I'm praying for you. I have full faith that soon you will be giving us that good news.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> It was great. And they're staying til Friday so we'll be hanging out today (though Roger's at work) and tomorrow we all might go to a spring, minus Ave who will go with her Papaw for a few. Either the spring or local zoo since they have a butterfly garden right now. I also get to go do a maternity shoot for my little cousin today. She's finally got her rainbow baby and she wants to do progressions photos starting this month so it'll be fun ^^
> 
> Well I'm praying for you. I have full faith that soon you will be giving us that good news.


Oh that sounds lovely with a butterfly garden, love butterflies! I often wear a butterfly necklace and I have a lots of t-shirts and tank tops with butterflies on them (plus a few butterfly earrings). Hope you have fun whatever you end up choosing to do:happydance:

How great for your cousin! I hope the photo shoot goes well:thumbup:

Thank you, I've been praying for you as well:flower: Here's hoping we soon get to be bump buddies and the horrors of being a LTTTCer will be behind us :dust:


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## KatO79

So it's bad news, I'm cramping and starting to bleed red so it's AF :( So will be doing IUI #6 but thinking IUI is most likely not going to work and we'll need IVF. So frustrating we can't start until October:nope:


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## HCas

I'm sorry to here that. I hope things start looking up soon for you. It stinks you have to wait so long though. Are you going to try anything well waiting? Wouldn't it be a kicker if you got pregnant during the wait?

I'm with you though on being out. We only got to BD once this cycle so far and it doesn't look like it'll happen again til its way too late. My sister wound up having to stay longer and we have no idea where or when she can go. It also doesn't help that stress is extremely high right now. So I doubt this month will be anything more than a horrible waiting period.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> I'm sorry to here that. I hope things start looking up soon for you. It stinks you have to wait so long though. Are you going to try anything well waiting? Wouldn't it be a kicker if you got pregnant during the wait?
> 
> I'm with you though on being out. We only got to BD once this cycle so far and it doesn't look like it'll happen again til its way too late. My sister wound up having to stay longer and we have no idea where or when she can go. It also doesn't help that stress is extremely high right now. So I doubt this month will be anything more than a horrible waiting period.


Thanks HCas:flower: Yeah, I was really pissed for a few hours but am getting over it. Going to have some White wine tonight as my booby prize:winkwink::wine: I wrote an email to the clinic but didn't get an answer - guess they don't answer emails outside their telephone hours so will call them early tomorrow morning. I'm thinking they'd first count tomorrow as CD1 anyway since it's first now (it's about 6 PM here) AF is becoming full flow. Nope, I think we'll be almost forgetting we're TTCing and see what happens those months so I guess we'll be NTNP. I'm usually extra BD interested around my fertile time so I can just attack DH whenever I'm feeling extra horny:winkwink::haha: Actually trying for BD around my fertile time hasn't helped so can just as well try another strategy those 2-3 months, right:winkwink: It'll probably be good for our relationship to not think about it too much anymore so we're more positive for IVF. I highly doubt it'd happen but I guess it isn't impossible. My chances are probably about 3-4% at this stage according to length of trying and my age, but yeah, not impossible:shrug: We'll see though if IUI #6 will be another disaster. I'm guessing DH will want to try not BDing those 4 days before Again since it increased his count by 10 million. Good thing I've stocked up on some "toys" since I was going out of my mind last time:winkwink:


Oh that stinks, I though she was moving out a few days ago:nope: What happened :wacko:


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## HCas

My stepdad was going to take her in once hos roommate moved out but he isvstaying for at least another week. Which means he has no room. I tried convincing my mom to take her in but yhat ended with me finally telling her my feelings on growing up being second best and her crying soooooo yea. And my dad can't take her because he's already got a house full with my step mum and brother and a bunch of animals. She may have a place soon but it will still be a few days. 

Also kinda worked out because that pain I've been in got 10x worse today and my back hurt so bad I was in tears and not even my strong meds could help. So she's going to help me with Ave-Marie as much as possible til I can see my dr again


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> My stepdad was going to take her in once hos roommate moved out but he isvstaying for at least another week. Which means he has no room. I tried convincing my mom to take her in but yhat ended with me finally telling her my feelings on growing up being second best and her crying soooooo yea. And my dad can't take her because he's already got a house full with my step mum and brother and a bunch of animals. She may have a place soon but it will still be a few days.
> 
> Also kinda worked out because that pain I've been in got 10x worse today and my back hurt so bad I was in tears and not even my strong meds could help. So she's going to help me with Ave-Marie as much as possible til I can see my dr again


Wow, that really stinks that the roommate is staying another week. And sorry that you got into that conversation with your mom, I can imagine how that went:nope: Doesn't she have any friends she can bunk with for a few days?

Have you tried calling your GP, that doesn't sound good that it's gotten that much worse:wacko: Maybe worst case you could go to the closest ER if it's that bad? That's what I'd do.


----------



## HCas

Her only friend doesn't have room in her home since it's only a two bedroom and 6 people already live there. Adding 3 more would just be elbow to elbow. She may have another place to go soon but she has to show potential to the person offering it. They are only wanting to help someone who is willing to help themselves. My dad is also going to try talking her into leaving the kids with me or another family member and just focus on herself right now, but that just kinda puts more responsibility on others.

As for my pain I have a doctor's app on Monday so I'm trying to make it til then. Luckily Ave-Marie is more active at night when Roger is home. Sadly though this means he gets barely any sleep before having to work a double since he takes care of her and me at the same time. And right now we live in an area where no one takes my insurance so each trip to the hospital is a two hour drive which when you're in pain car rides are not the best thing.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> Her only friend doesn't have room in her home since it's only a two bedroom and 6 people already live there. Adding 3 more would just be elbow to elbow. She may have another place to go soon but she has to show potential to the person offering it. They are only wanting to help someone who is willing to help themselves. My dad is also going to try talking her into leaving the kids with me or another family member and just focus on herself right now, but that just kinda puts more responsibility on others.
> 
> As for my pain I have a doctor's app on Monday so I'm trying to make it til then. Luckily Ave-Marie is more active at night when Roger is home. Sadly though this means he gets barely any sleep before having to work a double since he takes care of her and me at the same time. And right now we live in an area where no one takes my insurance so each trip to the hospital is a two hour drive which when you're in pain car rides are not the best thing.

Hi HCas, sorry I'm first getting back to you now. We had an appointment with the clinic yesterday for cyst check (no cysts:happydance:) and then had to swing by my narcissist mother. When we got home, I made the mistake of checking Reddit RBN for a certain member's answer and it ended up her taking huge offense to the fact that very small children aren't invited to weddings in this country and she got into victim blaming, flaming and not assuming a context of abuse in what I wrote (BIG no no's on Reddit RBN) so I had a bad anxiety attack over her answer and couldn't function for the rest of the night:( I reported her to Reddit so hopefully she's been reprimanded, maybe even banned as she really went to far and was insulting and character assasinating me and totally not seeing how abusive my narcissist brother was being even though everyone else could see it.

Now back to you: I hope something can soon be figured out for your sister so she's not living with you. You don't need the extra stress with Ave-Marie and TTCing. I think it might be a good idea for her to leave the kids with someone as well until she's pulled herself together but she might not do it.

I hope your appointment went well and that your GP was able to to give you something to get rid of the pain. How did it go?


----------



## HCas

She should be leaving by Thursday. 

Sorry about all the stress. Some people need a muzzle. 

They don't know what's going on so he's sending me to a specialist. It should be interesting to see what happens.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> She should be leaving by Thursday.
> 
> Sorry about all the stress. Some people need a muzzle.
> 
> They don't know what's going on so he's sending me to a specialist. It should be interesting to see what happens.


OK, I hope that she does leave this time :thumbup:

Yeah, it was totally crazy how she was the only one I've encountered on that site that said my brother doesn't have NPD and went nuts over the fact DH and I didn't invite small children to our wedding (although it was both for the sake of the kids and parents). Her comments have been deleted but that's it. Don't get why the mod didn't ban her but nothing to be done:shrug:

I hope you soon find out what's wrong:flower: Did he give you anything for the pain at least and when can you get in to see the specialist?


----------



## HCas

He wants me to be pain pill free for 10 days while I take a medicine for my stomach then I start and arthritis medicine to see if that helps. And hopefully soon. They should be calling me within 5 days otherwise I call them. 

My doctor's really worried since he says I shouldn't be having these issues at 22. So he's going to be testing me like crazy until we know everything that's going on and how to fix it. During this time he says we should hold off on ttc. He's scared of me getting pregnant and not being able to do the treatment.


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> He wants me to be pain pill free for 10 days while I take a medicine for my stomach then I start and arthritis medicine to see if that helps. And hopefully soon. They should be calling me within 5 days otherwise I call them.
> 
> My doctor's really worried since he says I shouldn't be having these issues at 22. So he's going to be testing me like crazy until we know everything that's going on and how to fix it. During this time he says we should hold off on ttc. He's scared of me getting pregnant and not being able to do the treatment.


Yeah that sounds very strange, I hope that it itsn't anything really bad and that they can help you. I can understand him thinking you should hold off on TTCing in the meantime, that's probably the wisest course of action. Hopefully you'll be able to soon start again:flower:

Sorry it took me so long to reply :( I'm attending all 3 days of the "Copenhell" festival (heavy metal/hard rock music) so haven't been much on the computer (it started yesterday and last day is tomorrow):wacko:


----------



## HCas

No problem. I hope you're having fun lol.

Welp she's still here. Her bio dad never came to pick her up and he didn't answer his phone at all the past 2 days. Roger is going to talk to our step dad in hopes he can take her for a little, but he's moving to another state soon so the chances are slim.If that doesn't work I think he's just going to kick her out. On top of all the medical things I'll be going through soon, my MIL is also going to be going through a lot for something to do with her bone marrow and because she's anemic. Neither one of us will be able to deal with my sister and her kids while going through all this and so Roger's putting his foot down.


Oh! So Ave-Marie's a month today and we're hopefully going to be getting a new camera to take her one month pictures! I'm so excited! (Would use my awesome one I already have but it mysteriously broke and there's no where close to get it fixed)


----------



## KatO79

HCas said:


> No problem. I hope you're having fun lol.
> 
> Welp she's still here. Her bio dad never came to pick her up and he didn't answer his phone at all the past 2 days. Roger is going to talk to our step dad in hopes he can take her for a little, but he's moving to another state soon so the chances are slim.If that doesn't work I think he's just going to kick her out. On top of all the medical things I'll be going through soon, my MIL is also going to be going through a lot for something to do with her bone marrow and because she's anemic. Neither one of us will be able to deal with my sister and her kids while going through all this and so Roger's putting his foot down.
> 
> 
> Oh! So Ave-Marie's a month today and we're hopefully going to be getting a new camera to take her one month pictures! I'm so excited! (Would use my awesome one I already have but it mysteriously broke and there's no where close to get it fixed)

Yep, it was the last day yesterday and the day was really good but ended bad: my front bike tire was flat so DH and I walked 2 hours to get home:wacko: We tried waving down taxis but like 90% were taken and the 10% that weren't drove by because we had bikes and most taxis can't transport bikes home. Buses here don't take bikes either. So didn't get home until it was 3 AM:nope:

Sounds like her bio dad doesn't want the hassle and is leaving the problem in your hands which is crappy of him: he's the father and has more obligation to her. But it might be good for your sister to get the wake up call that she needs to take some responsibility for her life. It's just a pity all this is going over her kids, she really should give them up for a while until she's more stable. I hope you manage to get her out as you don't need her drama right now! What a mess:nope:

I'm looking forward to seeing those pics:happydance:


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## HCas

https://yinanyangphotography.deviantart.com/art/Are-You-Dreaming-Daddy-540924431

That's my favorite of them all so I posted it on deviantart. I tried to upload the others but it says they are too large so I'm going to try and make them smaller somehow.

And she's gone! She left on Friday which was great. 

And today we are some what celebrating Father's Day in between Roger working, though we will really celebrate tomorrow when he has off. I made him his favorite cupcakes, my niece and nephew painted him a picture and I made him a shirt with a triforce from his favorite game as well as a matching onsie for Ave-Marie.


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## KatO79

Awww so very cute:cloud9: That's a really great pic:thumbup: Hope you manage to make the others smaller. I'm almost hopeless with stuff like that myself, I always get DH to do things like that because he's so tech savvy, especially with computers. The only thing I can think of is if you can use the program "Paint" to make it smaller?

So great that you got her out of there:happydance: I hope she's gone for good:thumbup:

I'm sure he'll love the cupcakes and all the gifts:thumbup: I hope you all have a great day:flower: Father's Day isn't really a thing in this country so it's not really celebrated. Although I've told DH we should've put a pic up of him and our cat since he's a furbaby daddy but he thinks I'm a bit silly:haha: Here's hoping we can really celebrate next year.

AFM I have my 2nd appointment to see how many follies and how big they are today. We BDed last night which may be our last session since DH wants to try the 3-4 day celibacy thing (if possible) to get his numbers up to the 50 million he had last time. We probably should've BDed Saturday night to be more sure but we got home so late that we were too exhausted, especially after the 2 hour walk home and we'd argued a bit on the way so weren't exactly in the BDing mood anyway:wacko:

UPDATE: So went to my 2nd U/S and have 2 follies, one at 13 and one at 14 mm (one follie in each overy):thumbup: So need to take Puregon a couple more days to get them up to the 17 mm they want. Will trigger Wednesday night and have my IUI #6 on Friday morning.

They didn't have any more Ovitrelle so got Pregnyl instead and have to mix up the fluid and powder myself but it seemed pretty simple. She said there's a video on their homepage if we need to see it again before doing it. But I'm a Lab Tech so shouldn't be too problematic:winkwink:


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## KatO79

Hope you're doing ok HCas, haven't heard from you:flower:

AFM I had my IUI done this morning. DH's count hit a personal record: 60 million (10 million more than last time):thumbup::wacko: I have 2 follies (one in each ovary) and the nurse is almost 100% sure both follies will be released so here's hoping. If it's a bust, we're on forced break until October when we will first be able to start IVF at the hospital (we'll be NTNP in the meantime to load up mentally for IVF). DH will try calling them next week to schedule his SA (they want to do their own) and ask them if they can move us up if they get a cancellation (our nurse recommended us to do this). Here's hoping it won't be necessary but with my track record.......:nope:

So now starts the wait:coffee:


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## HCas

Sorry I kinda disappeared. Tons of problems just gathered and flew off all at once so we were dealing with those. But I am doing good going on a 32 day cycle thus far without any metformin or natural herbs to help keep it regular like I normally do. We've kinda just been enjoying ourselves. Since we're pretty sure we're out this cycle there has been no pressure and so sex has been fun lately Xd Sorry if tmi.

Ho are you doing? Feeling hopeful or no? I'm praying for you.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Sorry I kinda disappeared. Tons of problems just gathered and flew off all at once so we were dealing with those. But I am doing good going on a 32 day cycle thus far without any metformin or natural herbs to help keep it regular like I normally do. We've kinda just been enjoying ourselves. Since we're pretty sure we're out this cycle there has been no pressure and so sex has been fun lately Xd Sorry if tmi.
> 
> Ho are you doing? Feeling hopeful or no? I'm praying for you.


Ok no problem, know how that can be! I've been dealing with my siblings ostracising me so unfollowed them some weeks ago and am now trying to not check their FB profiles so I can better move on. My narcissistic brother never contacts me (especially after I asked him to never ever get personal during a "debate" we had back in January) and my possibly narcissistic sister only contacts me to complain about how our narcissistic mother sends her a card once a year on her birthday to disown her (the only contact they have basically) and wanted me to get her to stop (as if I need more drama in my life!) and she won't do it herself. So yeah..... my blood family on my mother's side sucks but you know how that is:nope: Gonna go no contact on the whole narcissistic/enabler group when I can better deal with the drama it'll undoubtadly create:wacko:

I've also been giving it a good go at finally stopping my chronic nail biting:happydance: Been doing it since I was a small child due to all the anxiety I had dealing with my toxic family. They look kinda crappy (I've filed them but they're weak and some of them have ridges) but I'm sure it'll take a few years before the damage I've done for all those years fixes itself. Been painting them with nail polish to further discourage any biting.

As to TTC, it's only 3 dpiui so not really paying attention but of course not feeling hopeful with 5 IUI failures behind me and all those failed natural cycles (over 20 of them). We called the hospital so DH could schedule his SA and tell them we'd be interested (providing it's a BFN this time) in coming to the meeting before the one we're scheduled if they get a cancellation. The nurse told him it wasn't likely but recommended us to call around the 3rd-4th of August (since they're on summer vacation almost all of July) to ask if there are any cancellations or rather a lack of confirmation by any couples. So we'll be trying that even though she didn't sound very hopeful of our chances to come in before our schedulled appointment. Can't hurt, right:shrug:

It's probably good for you to have this break, we'll be taking one if this IUI doesn't pan out. How are you feeling? Havethey found out anything about your pain?


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## KatO79

So I was at my in-laws' yesterday and the discussion fell on when we had our last insemination. So we also got into when we can start IVF and then they start saying we just need to "think positive" and it'll surely happen. When I asked them why I didn't get pregnant the first 6 months in that case, they didn't really have an answer other than we weren't relaxed. But when I mentioned other people having gotten pregnant after giving up and being very negative then they said it was because those people had relaxed and that's why. They refuse to understand the concept of "unexplained infertility" because they think that means that there's absolutely nothing wrong with us and it should happen. I tried giving it one last go but _they don't get it and are incapable of getting it_:dohh:

I give up.....will be avoiding talking about our journey with them at all costs because I just end up frustrated and a bit angry in the end and I'm sure that's not conductive to getting pregnant either:nope:


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## HCas

We're doing good. Planning on moving hopefully before the end of the year and kinda just relaxing. We haven't found out anything yet on my pain but I have another appointment on the 9th. 

TTc wise I'm on cd35 with no signs of af. Starting to worry that it will be another 2-3 month cycle. 

Ave-Marie is doing good as well. She's already lifting her head and smiling. And, though way early, she will sometimes roll from her belly to back. She's a bit spoiled though always having to be held to go to sleep or just cosleeping with me. She also doesn't enjoy Roger as much, which we believe is caused by him orking so much and barely handling her. I'm hoping on his next day off I can go to work and he can just spend it with her.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> We're doing good. Planning on moving hopefully before the end of the year and kinda just relaxing. We haven't found out anything yet on my pain but I have another appointment on the 9th.
> 
> TTc wise I'm on cd35 with no signs of af. Starting to worry that it will be another 2-3 month cycle.
> 
> Ave-Marie is doing good as well. She's already lifting her head and smiling. And, though way early, she will sometimes roll from her belly to back. She's a bit spoiled though always having to be held to go to sleep or just cosleeping with me. She also doesn't enjoy Roger as much, which we believe is caused by him orking so much and barely handling her. I'm hoping on his next day off I can go to work and he can just spend it with her.


Wow where will you be moving? Hope it goes well, I know how stressful it can be to move. I hope that they find something out very, very soon. It must be uncomfortable not knowing what's causing the pain :(

I hope your cycle doesn't end up being all that long, hopefully AF is right around the corner.

Awww that must be so amazing to see her development:happydance: Yeah, it could be that he doesn't spend enough time with her so she's seeing him as an almost stranger. I hope you guys can soon change that. Although she may end up being a "Daddy's girl" in the end:winkwink:

AFM I'm 7 dpiui and nothing much so thinking this IUI may have been a bust but it's still a bit early and we'll know for sure in about 1 week's time. As they say, you aren't out until AF shows up! 

Keeping my spirits up with the fact I've been giving it a good go at _finally_ stopping my nail biting:thumbup: Been buying some nail polish so I have the extra economic incentive to not bite them and see how pretty nail polish is and how nice it looks. Been 2 weeks so here's hoping!


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## HCas

We'll just be moving across state to be near my dad. He's been trying to get me to move close to him since I was 12 and now that my mom is finally showing her true colors and my sister burned her last bride with us (she let a stranger in our house without telling or asking us first) I see no reason not to go. It's a much nicer town with less crime and better schools. My dad is also going to help Roger get a good county job and even said he'd pay for our first and last months rent on a home so it's be kinda stupid not to take him up on the offer.

I'm now thinking I'm starting af. I was cramping slightly and went to the bathroom to find light brown spotting (sorry tmi). I'm kinda happy and kinda not since I've been horridly sick the past 4 days and haven't been able to keep anything down so having pain on top of it isn't fun but hey new cycle. I will be starting metformin back up as well as a few herbs to help with everything. 

How's it going on your end? Any good signs? Also congrats on the nail biting thing. I stated to do that a few months ago and recently found myself doing it again so I'll be once again trying to kick the habit. It's so rewarding though to see them grow!


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> We'll just be moving across state to be near my dad. He's been trying to get me to move close to him since I was 12 and now that my mom is finally showing her true colors and my sister burned her last bride with us (she let a stranger in our house without telling or asking us first) I see no reason not to go. It's a much nicer town with less crime and better schools. My dad is also going to help Roger get a good county job and even said he'd pay for our first and last months rent on a home so it's be kinda stupid not to take him up on the offer.
> 
> I'm now thinking I'm starting af. I was cramping slightly and went to the bathroom to find light brown spotting (sorry tmi). I'm kinda happy and kinda not since I've been horridly sick the past 4 days and haven't been able to keep anything down so having pain on top of it isn't fun but hey new cycle. I will be starting metformin back up as well as a few herbs to help with everything.
> 
> How's it going on your end? Any good signs? Also congrats on the nail biting thing. I stated to do that a few months ago and recently found myself doing it again so I'll be once again trying to kick the habit. It's so rewarding though to see them grow!


That sound like a very good idea! Seems like a good place to move to plus to get away from your mother and sister will be bonuses. I hope Roger finds a job quickly:flower:

Good to hear AF started so at least you won't be having a longer cycle but sorry that it didn't end up as a BFP instead. I hope metformin and the herbs do the trick for you this cycle!

Oh some good news here: DH got a job! He starts August 1st. So we'll be moving as well but think we'll wait at least until the 3 month trial period is over so we're more sure he really will be keeping this job (since they can fire you for no good reason those first 3 months; been there, done that!). As for the signs, it doesn't look too promising at the moment (am 11 dpiui today) but we'll see. You're not totally out until AF rears her ugly head as they say. But mentally preparing myself for AF to show up sometime this weekend and moving forward with IVF around October (since our 1st meeting is September 29th). Guess we'll be taking a kind of break in the meantime and go NTNP which will be good for us I think.

Have you tried using those bitter polishes you can buy for it (e.g. Mavala Stop)? They never worked for me though (tried those when I was like 9 or 10) but maybe they'll help you. I've found out using nail polish on them seems to help since I don't want to eat nail polish (yuck:sick:). My nails though are kinda weak so will be trying the Mavala Nail Shield to get them to grow stronger and see if that helps anything. I've also really commited by buying lots of nail polish and some cuticle oil so think that's helping as well. Just looking at all the pretty nail polishes I have in the bathroom helps as well. What also has helped is I think I know why I do it: because of all the anxiety I've had because of my narcissistic mother and brother. I've read some have also found it helpful when family/friends let them know they're bting so they'rwe aware. Then there's also having a hair elastic around your wrist and pulling it each time you bite. There's this one lady I read about that created a scene every time she bit, she'd scream at herself to stop and that helped (wouldn't do that myself since I'm not much for making scenes, especially over something like that:wacko:) Now they're long enough that I find biting them kinda gross so not gonna happen:thumbup:

What also has helped is I think I know why I do it: because of all the anxiety I've had because of my narcissistic mother and brother who've all my life been trying to tell me what a horrible human being I am and have been pretty much blaming me for the family dysfunction (scapegoating). Now that I'm emotionally disengaging from them, what they're doing (Mom insulting me/being nasty/being childish and my brother's condescending crap plus obvious smear campaign against me to my sister and cousin) isn't affecting me anymore and I have much less anxiety now. I think it's really hit me that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them and their insecurities/issues.

UPDATE: Starting bleeding red and cramping so it's "game over" for our last IUI :( Luckily our hopes were very low for this 6th IUI so no shocker. We'll be going NTNP until we can start IVF in October and try calling the hospital to see if they've had any cancellations for the August meeting but not counting on it. So here's hoping IVF is the way for us!


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## KatO79

So sent the hospital written confirmation yesterday that we'll be coming to that IVF start meeting in September which is the 28th BTW, seems I remembered it the 29th for some reason:dohh: 

In the meantime, will just be having fun with BDing until we can start so I'm mentally more "pumped" for IVF and can feel positive above our chances.

Think I'll leave it to DH to tell his parents that the 6th IUI failed:nope: They were so sure it'd work because of that couple they knew that got their BFP on IUI #6. Don't think I'm yet ready to tell them we won't be talking about TTCing with them anymore so I'll let DH update them, can just as well:shrug:

How are things going with you and your family:flower: Hope everything is well!


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## KatO79

Hi HCas, just checking in. Hope everything is ok at your end:flower:

AFM DH and I are trying to enjoy this break and just BD how we want and when we want. It's kinda refreashing actually but too bad I couldn't start IVF sooner:shrug:


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## HCas

Sorry this month has been chaotic. Both my mom and step dad moved very suddenly, my sister started suffering from separation anxiety, I started going to a specialist for my back and physical therapy. And then to top it off my computer broke when my cat tried to run from my niece and knocked it over. Just got it fixed.

Cycle wise I'm very confused. I', pretty sure my last one was anovulatory since instead of a normal period I had clotting for 5 days (sorry tmi). This month I started having ewcm from cd7 on and off til now. And I keep getting weird cramps in my cervix and period like cramps. And I'e had the best yet worse sleep in a long time. I can actually get to sleep now thanks to a new bed however because of my back and these weird cramps I toss and turn all night. 

How is everything going over there? Enjoying your break I'm assuming? I know we are really enjoying ours as well. It's really nice not stressing over when is right.


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## KatO79

HCas said:


> Sorry this month has been chaotic. Both my mom and step dad moved very suddenly, my sister started suffering from separation anxiety, I started going to a specialist for my back and physical therapy. And then to top it off my computer broke when my cat tried to run from my niece and knocked it over. Just got it fixed.
> 
> Cycle wise I'm very confused. I', pretty sure my last one was anovulatory since instead of a normal period I had clotting for 5 days (sorry tmi). This month I started having ewcm from cd7 on and off til now. And I keep getting weird cramps in my cervix and period like cramps. And I'e had the best yet worse sleep in a long time. I can actually get to sleep now thanks to a new bed however because of my back and these weird cramps I toss and turn all night.
> 
> How is everything going over there? Enjoying your break I'm assuming? I know we are really enjoying ours as well. It's really nice not stressing over when is right.


Oh wow, any reason they decided to move that suddenly? Has the specialist been any help on what's wrong? Too bad about the computer, seems unavoidable to get at least a few things broken when you have a cat:winkwink: Ours once jumped up on a shelf she's not allowed on and knocked over a framed version of the "Rainbow Bridge" poem I had close to my previous cat's ashes. It fell on the floor and the glass broke. So yeah, cats will once in a while knock stuff over:nope:

So odd, I Wonder what's causing that. Can't you take pain killers for the cramps? You can take paracetamol/acetaminophen when you're TTCing. I hope they soon go away. Have you asked your GP about them?

Things are going well I think. We're just taking things as they come. Planning on going on a 1 week vacation to Toscana, leaving late Saturday night. We can't be away any longer since DH starts his new job at the start of August and can't get away before since we'd already said yes to a wedding invitation and the wedding is this Friday (a mutual friend is marrying for the 2nd time, another Mexican girl so here's hoping this one lasts since he wants to start TTCing soon, he's my DH's age so 38). 

BTW I got DH to have a talk with his parents this morning so I won't be hearing their "just relax" and "think positive" crap anymore:happydance::happydance: The only bad thing is I practically had to twist his arm to do it since he hates confrontations, especially with them:nope:


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## KatO79

Just got back from a 1 week trip to Italy. We were in Venice and then went to Toscana/Florence. It was a really nice trip:thumbup: We did the gondola thing one night even though it was pretty expensive (100 euros for ½ hour:wacko:). The only complaint was it was crazy hot, around 30-35 degrees Celsius:wacko:

I think I may be 1-2 days late but we'll see. My hopes are of course pretty darn low after having TTCed for so long. Planning on testing Tuesday morning if AF doesn't show up by then. I've been 1-2 days late before and don't want to waste a test if it's just one of those odd cycles:nope: Who knows, I may even wait until Wednesday/Thursday morning:haha: DH will try calling the hospital Tuesday morning to see if we can start IVF sooner but still not holding my breathe:nope:

Hope you're still enjoying your break and doing better! 

BTW have you been trying to stop the nail biting yet? I'm still going strong 1½ months later so at least I can do something right since I seem to be rubbish with conceiving :winkwink: Have bought a couple more nail polishes and a nail strengthener since my nails are pretty fragile so will be trying it in about 1 week since I've recently painted my nails (getting a bit better at it each time). I actually broke one yesterday, my right thumb nail (the horror:wacko:), so had to clip it off and start a bit over since the break went pretty far down :dohh: I don't think I'll let them grow much longer at this point (don't think I'd fare well with very long ones) so now it's about getting them stronger and seeing if my nail beds increase so they stop curving upwards (most of them do this) and don't have so much white at the ends.


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## KatO79

So I used one of my specially imported FRERs to get a BFN:nope: Not even the slightest hint of a line. So I doubt at this point I'm pregnant, AF is just being evil again. She's still not in sight but I was 5 days late once last year. Now that I think about it, it was about the same time, end July-start August :shrug: So sure she'll make her appearance soon. 

Anyway forgot to remind hubby to call the hospital to ask if anyone's cancelled so just sent him an SMS. I seriously doubt it but we can just try asking and not have to wonder "what if?"


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