# when to have "the talk" - ASD



## shopgirl771

My ASD son turns 5 this weekend and im starting to wonder when and how to have the talk with him about autism and what it is and how it affects him. im not sure hed understand much right now, all i know is me and his dad now have to watch what we talk about in front of him as he is picking up on certain things. I dont want to make him feel bad or anxious.

i did ask him the other day if he had heard of autism and he said no.

just after experiences from others of how/when they did this with their children (or how your parents did it with you).


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## AP

I have no idea how I will be able to do this (if ever) :/ Will be interesting to hear responses. My daughter is 6 in June, and would have absolute zero understanding, and not anytime soon.


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## Starry Night

My son still doesn't have any clue he is different. I know some people believe in telling right away no matter what as it may cause a stigma. But I personally don't want my son to notice before he has to. He's happy and not self-conscious of his quirks.

Right now I'm kind of dealing with it in the same way as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I don't want to lie to him and say they're real, but it seems to spoil things to say they aren't so I just never say anything. I don't really mention them at all so I don't think he's aware of their existence. It's sort of the same with autism. He's only 3 though.


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## shopgirl771

Starry Night said:


> My son still doesn't have any clue he is different. I know some people believe in telling right away no matter what as it may cause a stigma. But I personally don't want my son to notice before he has to. He's happy and not self-conscious of his quirks.
> 
> Right now I'm kind of dealing with it in the same way as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I don't want to lie to him and say they're real, but it seems to spoil things to say they aren't so I just never say anything. I don't really mention them at all so I don't think he's aware of their existence. It's sort of the same with autism. He's only 3 though.

this is exactly it. i dont want to upset things by talking about it if we dont need to but at the same time i dont want him confused if he starts to notice or hear things. i think i might have to rely on his teachers too as school is when hes likely to notice things are different.


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## mummy2o

My son is older at just turning 8 last week. I've casually mentioned it to him, but right now he doesn't seem to care he's different and happy just being him. I want him to learn about how and why he's different when he's ready and for him it isn't now. Then again he goes to an autistic school so all the children he meets there are similar to him, but again its so varied since its a whole spectrum. Some act more like normal children and others are very typical autism. However, he does spend a lot of time at the weekend doing typical out and about stuff and meeting general public and kids of his age. Also with school as I've never had to sign so many permission slips for trips in my life! 

Some mentioned news round cover autism a while ago from a kids point of view and when he's ready I'll use that. Some only use the first half as the 2nd part goes into more teenage issues. Which they will watch when they grow up. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejpWWP1HNGQ


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## Tiff

I'll mention Claire's Autism to her from time to time but she totally doesn't get it yet. I imagine she will one day.

I'm terrified that what happened to me will happen to her if I'm honest. I was adopted, and apparently my parents told me from Day One that I was (I was 21 months old when they adopted me). But it didn't really mean anything to me.

Then I saw a program on the TV about Adoption, and I paid attention because I knew it meant something with me. All I saw were kids being taken from one family (foster care) to a new one (adoptive family) and I didn't understand. I went and asked my Mom about it and she said "Well, you're adopted" as she had been saying that for so long.

I freaked because I thought that someone was going to take me from them and put me with a new family. Truly messed me up. My Mom feels rotten about that to this day that she didn't clue in that the pieces were fitting together for me on that day. 

But that's an example of an NT person. :shrug: I have zero idea about someone with Autism. So I just keep mentioning it to her from time to time and if/when she's able to ask me about it I'll explain it to her. :flower:


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## Blue12

I hope it's ok to post here. I am a teacher who often has 1-4 children with an asd diagnosis who are in a typical classroom with varying levels of support. My co-worker teaches an asd classroom. She believes that kids should not know until they are much older. I had a 9 year old student one year who knew of his diagnosis. I dot know how the information was shared with him but in a way I don't think he was ready or maybe it came along with some of the parents biases (I'm toyallt not blaming parents for how they feel - ill explain). He would frequently tell kids throughout the day that he was more special than them because of his diagnosis. (I would ten have to remind him that yes he was and each child is special for different reasons). Then when he upset another student he would say "well it's because I have asd and am easily upset. It's your fault I'm angry. (He began using it to not take accountability for his actions). 

So I know I haven't given you information really. But thought sharing this information might help too


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## shopgirl771

Blue12 said:


> I hope it's ok to post here. I am a teacher who often has 1-4 children with an asd diagnosis who are in a typical classroom with varying levels of support. My co-worker teaches an asd classroom. She believes that kids should not know until they are much older. I had a 9 year old student one year who knew of his diagnosis. I dot know how the information was shared with him but in a way I don't think he was ready or maybe it came along with some of the parents biases (I'm toyallt not blaming parents for how they feel - ill explain). He would frequently tell kids throughout the day that he was more special than them because of his diagnosis. (I would ten have to remind him that yes he was and each child is special for different reasons). Then when he upset another student he would say "well it's because I have asd and am easily upset. It's your fault I'm angry. (He began using it to not take accountability for his actions).
> 
> So I know I haven't given you information really. But thought sharing this information might help too

no on the contrary this is helpful. it does annoy me when parents tell their kids they are special (even neuro typical ones). i think different is more apt but every single person is different which is what makes it hard.

my sons diagnosis has been a bit of an eye opener as I now realise it runs in my family and that i as a minimum have autistic tendencies. OK my mum didnt know so she couldnt tell me, but i grew up very depressed possibly because i didnt understand my differences. i dont want that for my son.


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## Blue12

That absolutely makes sense that being able to talk with him about it would give him a safe place to talk about how he is feeling. xxx


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## Midnight_Fairy

My son has autism and he had no idea until last year. We started off using the word in conversation and then a few times lightly explained about disibilities and needing extra support etc. Over the year we told him and because he was ready he accepted it right away. He knows that is why he has extra school help, why he gets angry/upset etx more than his peers. Him knowing has actually helped him understand why his feelings feel out of control sometimes and he is actually less anxious. Now we speak freely about it and he knows autism means his brain works a lil differently to some of his peers x


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## smileyfaces

I imagine it will be some way in the future before Oscar will understand. We are still working on understanding basic sentences and he starts school in september


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