# to young?



## Joey_baby

im 19, 20 in march and was wondering if you ladies think im abit to young to have a baby i hate people that judge and dont want to be


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## wwchix

Depends on your situation. If you are living with your partner with a stable income and financially and emotionally ready and settled, then I see why not.

However if you are in college/uni, don't have good wage coming in, not in a stable relationship, then you might want to reconsider.

I've been really broody since I was 15 and I'm now 20 and so glad I waited until now to consider it. I'm moving into my first house with my fiancee next week, and we both are bringing in more than enough money than we need and we're in such a better situation than before :)

So yeah. As long as you are stable, I can't see why not.


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## nickibrum

same as what wwchix said. as long as you can provide a stable live for a LO then why not. i would get the big money things out the way first- house deposit! it would be so hard if you have a LO, and a car. make sure you allow for your loss in wage when you go on maternity.


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## aliss

As a mom you will constantly be judged, I'm 27 which I guess is "normal" (although old in my family's culture!) and still get judged for my choices (ie attachment parenting), so don't let that fear hold you back, if you feel you are ready and can be a good mom :)


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## Joey_baby

ive known from a young age ive allways wanted a baby of my own, ive been with my partner for 19months so i guess were very settled he earns around a grand a month and im applying for disability living allowance so im only able to have 20-70pound a week, money isnt much of a issue as we no some great cheap sites and have good family to help, i feel im ready and can be a good mum its just the people around where i live constantly make you feel really low even without me being pregnant yet


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## BeeLT

wwchix said:


> Depends on your situation. If you are living with your partner with a stable income and financially and emotionally ready and settled, then I see why not.
> 
> However if you are in college/uni, don't have good wage coming in, not in a stable relationship, then you might want to reconsider.
> 
> I've been really broody since I was 15 and I'm now 20 and so glad I waited until now to consider it. I'm moving into my first house with my fiancee next week, and we both are bringing in more than enough money than we need and we're in such a better situation than before :)
> 
> So yeah. As long as you are stable, I can't see why not.

Agreed! :)


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## kailynn

I'm 18 and will be 19 or 20 when we ttc, that is when we will have good careers and good money rolling in, so we will be financially stable enough to give our child the best life we can provide him/her. And even more important than finances is if you are emotionally stable, and in a strong relationship- you wouldn't want your child to grow up without a whole family unit, or at least a father figure in his/her life. When you feel you are ready, then you are!


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## wwchix

Joey_baby said:


> ive known from a young age ive allways wanted a baby of my own, ive been with my partner for 19months so i guess were very settled he earns around a grand a month and im applying for disability living allowance so im only able to have 20-70pound a week, money isnt much of a issue as we no some great cheap sites and have good family to help, i feel im ready and can be a good mum its just the people around where i live constantly make you feel really low even without me being pregnant yet

Me and my OH are on around a grand a month each. Have you properly looked into how much a house is going to cost with bills etc? We've worked it out that our mortgage and bills and everything is going to come up at around £1300 a month... so theres something to think about.

Money isn't everything, but you need it to survive. Websites aren't going to keep you going forever, you need actual money. If you are wanting to private rent and not council, you're going to need more than you think, thats the impression I get. Family are great supports but you shouldn't be thinking of them to help out financially really. Its your baby, your choice, but I don't think you've properly thought through the costs realistically yet.


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## MissBabyFace

As above comments state if you are ready then no.

I'm 18 and had a miscarriage in December 2010, I didn't think of ever having children until it happened to me and since we've been trying, I've been in a stable relationship with my partner for nearly 4 years, we've been living together since I was 16, he's a security guard and I have a really basic but nice job in a local shop and I believe we are 100% ready to have a child!


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## Joey_baby

well we cant have our own place atm where theres nowhere local and plus its not a problem for me and him to stay at my mum and dads for weekdays and hes mums at weekends, some people might find that silly and stupid but to us its nothing, not saying its forever just til theres a actual flat available, no need for a car my brothers 25 and still relys on hes father in law to drive hes family about, so in our eyes we have thought about it and thats what we will do, even if in your eyes it is different


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## wwchix

Well if thats what you want to do, then fair enough. But how is it fair on the baby being dragged from one house to another? Its hardly going to have a stable upbringing if you're between 2 houses.

From what you're saying I think you sound too immature for a baby and way too reliant on other people, which, in my opinion, isn't right to bring a baby into that sort of environment.

Its not fair on your familys either. You're already planning on relying on them. that isn't fair. Its you're responcibilty, not theirs.

You're not going to like what I said but hey.


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## Joey_baby

hardly dragging we live 5 mins apart theres alot of people out there thats got worser ideas and plans then me, you look at all them programmes of 16 and pregnant teen mom, thats what u call immature not me just because you have a "home" dont mean you can judge my future im not relying on anyone im just living at 2 homes like i am now and will then


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## Joey_baby

this whole post was about me being judged and its happening already


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## tuesday_

However you asked people if they think you are too young to have a child and they're answers have been yes and their reasons why.... so you can't really say you're being judged.

I am also young (19) however I would not bring a child into our world without having our own place, a stable income (at least enough to pay bills and what a child needs) though I want enough money to be able to give my child more than basic needs.

So my advice to you is to make sure you have a stable income (jobs, hopefully) and a place of your own. Otherwise it's usually not the best time to have a baby.

I also think there is no right age to have a baby... but there is a right time in a persons life.


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## girl friday

Moving between 2 houses will either mean needing 2 lots of things like a moses basket or cot, bedding etc. If you are going to formula feed you will also need extra bottles, steriliser etc. You have enough to take around as it is when you have a baby without adding to it to move between houses.
Depending on how long it takes to gets flat the moving will be disruptive to routines.

In terms of money, will you definitely get the amount you say when living with your boyfriend? I know HAA, income support etc would be reduced/stopped given your boyfriends wage.


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## wwchix

Joey_baby said:


> hardly dragging we live 5 mins apart theres alot of people out there thats got worser ideas and plans then me, you look at all them programmes of 16 and pregnant teen mom, thats what u call immature not me just because you have a "home" dont mean you can judge my future im not relying on anyone im just living at 2 homes like i am now and will then

Except it would be dragging. You need a stable home to bring a baby up in. Somewhere you are settled rather than between 2 houses. 

Have you even spoken to your families about this or are you just presuming that they will bow to your ideas?


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## Elz

Please don't take offence but I agree with wwchix. It's unfair on your family and the potential baby. It's not an environment to bring up a child, and it costs more than you think for basic necessities. You need to be financially stable and not rely on your family for financial support.


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## Joey_baby

im not a single tramp mum living on the streets with no money what so ever, when parents get divorced the children stay at 2 homes am i right? yes, but no one judges them on having a "unstable" upbringing, my post wasnt about am i to young to have a baby, it was being judged at 19 so unless you want to talk about being judged about having a baby at 19 then do one, id never express my opinion for someonelses life and future i come to this forum for help and answers and only one person has gave me a answer


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## holly2234

Well im a young mum. Im 18, im married and i have a house. Our financial situation isnt great but we manage and we will get there in the end. We dont have a car but we dont need people to drive us places either.

Im not judging on age because youre about the same age as me, but i will say that you need a house. I would hate to live in anybody elses house with a baby simply for the fact a baby can be noisy, messy and i want my daughter to grow up with my rules, not somebody elses.


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## tuesday_

Joey_baby said:


> im 19, 20 in march and *was wondering if you ladies think im abit to young to have a baby* i hate people that judge and dont want to be

I'm sorry... I am a bit confused then. What answer are you looking for? In your first post you wrote the above.

I would love to help with you with some other advice then but I am not sure what kind of advice you're looking for?


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## Joey_baby

i hate people that judge and dont want to be at 19 do you think im to young and be judged THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT IN MY POST


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## wwchix

We're not saying you're a single tramp mother living on the streets! But comparing your situation to a child that is with divorced parents is awful.

That is nowhere near the ideal situation and by the sound of it, you're having a baby for your own selfish reasons.

There are women on here who have wanted a baby for years, yet are waiting until they can have the best situation to bring a baby into. A house, where they can bring the baby up with a proper routine etc. And then theres you who is saying you want a baby and don't care that it will be disrupted constantly between 2 houses. 

Not only is it hassle for you, its not fair on baby to be between 2 places as they need to get used to having their own surroundings.

You should bring a baby into the best environment you can, and you've even said theres not a flat available right now but will be at some point in the future, then why not wait until then.

If you truely wanted a baby for love and not selfishness, then you would wait until its best for baby...


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## jennyxx

Joey_baby said:


> this whole post was about me being judged and its happening already

You asked for peoples opinions/judgement and you got what you asked for!

To put things in perspective my Fiance have been living together for 2 1/2 years, two of which was with his mother and in the last 6 months we have got our own place. I shall break down our costings as I am the same age as you and it may put things in perspective.

I earn around £1500 a month
My fiance earns around £3000 a month but is self employed and this figure is before tax
Weekly

£6 water rates
£6 for tv
£36 A week council tax
weekly food bill around £50
fuel in both of our cars £20
Monthly

£46 for electric
£126 insurance for both cars (this is unusually cheap due to a deal we got)
£365 for loan on car
£500 a month rent
£15 dog and ferret food
£25 house phone and internet
£75 mobile phones 

Not to mention such things as

things breaking down e.g. my washing machine last month which cost £400 for a new one
car wasnt working properly and cost £384 quid to get repaired
other car needed a lot of work for mot £400
car tax, around £150 each for 6 months
Heating bills for us are very cheap as we have a woodburner and free logs due to my fiances job but that has to be taken in to costs for others (we do get oil in at around £500 a year)
£50 boiler servicing
£60 poo tank emtying

this is just off the top of my head so there is probably god knows how many other things I cant think of. This is before we have even ttc and sharnt until we start our own business and it is successfull


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## wwchix

Joey_baby said:


> i hate people that judge and dont want to be at 19 do you think im to young and be judged THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT IN MY POST

You're going to get judged because you're not thinking for the best for the baby. You're too wrapped up in wanting a baby rather than what would be best for them, not for your age.

However if you want to take it as people are judging you for your age, rather than selfishness, feel free!


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## aliss

Way to judge the single 'tramp' mothers though living on the street ;) A lot of them had boyfriends and lived at home when they got pregnant, perhaps their boyfriends dumped them and their parents kicked them out? It sure does happen.


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## Joey_baby

youse are basically treating me like a single mother thats living on the streets and no its not awful when my point was you wouldnt judge that child living in 2 places but judging mine already when its not even concieved!
youd do your best for your child and if you cant have your own home and want family around it WHAT ELSE ARE YOU MENT TO DO! 
sounds like if i was on the streets youd be judging me less


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## Joey_baby

maybe if i didnt say im on disability living allowance which is one of the reasons i cant move out youd have different views, yeah everyone entitled to your own opinions but not to judge my future just because you have a "home" and i have 2


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## tuesday_

Joey_baby said:


> youd do your best for your child and if you cant have your own home and want family around it WHAT ELSE ARE YOU MENT TO DO!

Wait until you have your own home?


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## wwchix

I'm not judging your child! The poor soul doesn't have a say in this! My point is that a break up in a relationship isn't planned. When you plan to have a child the idea is you will be with them forever, but unfortunatly if a realtionship breaks down, you have to deal with it and the child being between 2 houses is the best way that can work.

However you shouldn't be planning that to be happening already! Like I've said, a child needs stability from birth, and unnessesserilly having them between 2 homes isn't the best for baby.


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## holly2234

Joey_baby said:


> i hate people that judge and dont want to be at 19 do you think im to young and be judged THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT IN MY POST

No. I dont think youre too young. No. I wouldnt judge you.

Do i think a rant on the internet is childish? Yes. But im still not judging you because i have no idea who you are (nor you know me) or how you feel about having a baby. I wanted a baby and i got pregnant at 17. Nobody judges me. It has been extremely hard at times but we have got a happy baby. Somebody might judge me over the internet but im not bothered about that.

If its what you want, go for it. Only you are going to decide with your partner.

If you need any advice on money or what funding you can get as a young mum/as a parent in general. Feel free to message me.


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## Joey_baby

Then if we break up my child has a home still


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## tuesday_

Joey_baby said:


> maybe if i didnt say im on disability living allowance which is one of the reasons i cant move out youd have different views, yeah everyone entitled to your own opinions but not to judge my future just because you have a "home" and i have 2

You being on disability never even crossed my mind once, actually. I have no idea what your disability is so I am no one to judge on that aspect.

If you don't mind me asking... what about your disability means you can't move out? Will you ever be able to move out? Or is your disability long term?


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## wwchix

Joey_baby said:


> maybe if i didnt say im on disability living allowance which is one of the reasons i cant move out youd have different views, yeah everyone entitled to your own opinions but not to judge my future just because you have a "home" and i have 2

I haven't even taken the benefits into account! I'm on about the stability a baby needs!

You have said yourself you will be able to get a flat at some point.. so why can't you wait to bring a baby into a stable environment?!


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## Joey_baby

Thank you! Someone thats helped and not judged


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## wwchix

Joey_baby said:


> Then if we break up my child has a home still

Shows how much you value your relationship then! I wouldn't even consider that thought with my OH!

I think you should give up on this thread... you're showing yourself to be more and more too immature to have a baby.

So in reply to the original question, yes I do think you are too young to have a baby.


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## Joey_baby

you was on about money and financial


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## Joey_baby

i will not give up because i asked you lot for help and only had 2 decent replies, if you compare them 2 with your own ul see why im pissed off


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## wwchix

Obviously you can't support a baby financially either from what you've said.


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## PrincessKay

Hun i dont think youre too young to have a baby but i do this you need to be in the right situation to have a baby, you need the basics like a stable family home, a good income and a car if you need one. Taking the baby from one house to another and relying on other people to drive you around just simply isnt good enough for a new baby.


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## wwchix

I've given my opinion which is what you asked for.

You're showing yourself to be immature and not even thinking about the wellbeing of your potential baby! Thats what is annoying me! The fact that you've admitted that you can get a place to live with your partner (even though you might break up then your baby can live in 2 places anyway) at some point, yet because YOU feel broody, YOU want a baby NOW dispite waiting a few years, which won't kill you!!! will be better for the baby.


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## Joey_baby

OBV IM NOT A TRAMP! and monday to friday at one home and abit of a weekend at another WHATS WEEKENDS ANYWAY!! a chance to do stuff and im doing stuff by doing that!


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## wwchix

I have no idea what you just said, but where did I say you were a tramp?!

I give up. You're blatently not going to give in, all you have going on in your head is 'me me me' and want everyone to say what you want to hear.

If you want to think I think you're a tramp, feel free. Good luck with the baby if you go for it. Moving all the baby stuff between 2 houses with no car is sure gonna be fun when you're shattered after no sleep!


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## Joey_baby

like i said a few posts ago, i come here for help not for higher people to snob me down not everyone can have what they want in life, but just because you have one thing idont you think its right to think lower of me


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## Joey_baby

Ive been boguht up with babies since i was born i no how much they cost i no how to look and care after one ive babysat enough times worked in a nursery i no what im getting in for you think im lower because of a different home 5 minutes away for 2 days!


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## theapple9

I'm sorry to hear that you feel judged.
You've got to remember, as wwchix said, there are women on here that are waiting a long time to do everything in their power to create the perfect environment for their children. It just makes it a little hard to hear your situation.
Obviously there are people that manage to have children with a lot less than what you have. We've all seen 16 & Pregnant. But most of us don't want our children to grow up like that.

I don't think you're too young. But I do think that it might be best if you think about your circumstances a little more.
I say that from my personal background. My mother & father had me at 21. They unfortunately weren't as stable as they could be in regards to money, jobs and their relationship. They split up when I was 4 & I went on to not see my dad for 2 years.
Luckily I now have an amazing bond with both my mother & father & a wonderfully supportive family. But even though everything worked out in the end, I'm still left with awful feelings about it and have never truly recovered everything with my dad.

I know it's difficult wanting a child. If you need a place to relate to others about it, this is definitely the place! :)


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## jennyxx

Joey_baby said:


> you was on about money and financial




Joey_baby said:


> i will not give up because i asked you lot for help and only had 2 decent replies, if you compare them 2 with your own ul see why im pissed off

I pressume that doesnt include my post?

Please open up your mind and look at the bigger picture....ask questions with a open mind please and dont disregard people opinions!


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## Joey_baby

id like you to all read every comment and understand why im pissed, and why it has been unfair to put me down for my and my partners decison theres been only about 3 ive thanked for only 3 realise who them 3 are


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## Joey_baby

first person i ever talked to about this and told about living situations was my brother and he has 3 kids and is young and living from job centre money, now the difference what he said to what most of you have said is the difference from the ground to space atleast he can see what im offering to my child whereas you couldnt achieve that high of a aspect


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## wwchix

Offering your child an unstable upbringing... Thats what your offering.


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## wwchix

Also, someone living off benefits with 3 kids at a young ages isn't probably the best person to speak to about finances.


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## Joey_baby

im offering my baby 2 stable comforting loving homes!! not houses HOMES!


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## jennyxx

everyone is entitled to their own choices in life but for my child I want many things and really want to be someone for them to admire.

I want it never to worry about mum and dad not having enough money, look up to us for making somthing of nothing and be able to have every oppertunity possible.

I personally came from a horrible childhood(I still bare the health issues related to my childhood (back is pretty much shot and problems with keeping on weight). 
I left home just after I turned 17 with a bin bag in either hand, My mother-in-law took me in as otherwise I was going to be put in a council house (i dont frown upon this) in a very rough area after living in the countryside all my life and she just couldnt bare the thought. In the past two years we have gone from me with nothing and my partner £2000 in to his overdraft and are now stable and plan to head towards having our own business in the near future. We are stable (as said in my earlier post) but lord almighty I PERSONALLY couldnt have managed before hand let alone with a baby in tow. 
I think you need to be in a good place in your own life (which may be you now) before TTC and dont over complicate it with a LO


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## Joey_baby

what do most people do on weekends.. go visit your parents right? exactly what im doing but just staying for more then a cup of tea why is that such a problem to people!


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## ProudArmyWife

Joey_baby said:


> id like you to all read every comment and understand why im pissed, and why it has been unfair to put me down for my and my partners decison theres been only about 3 ive thanked for only 3 realise who them 3 are

okay i have read through this and here is my take on it. you are being slightly over sensitive. you came onto a open forum and are asking a group of ppl from all diffrent places with all diffrent opinions for advice. you are obviously going to get answers that you do not like. but honestly you dont know any of these ppl so why get pissed off :shrug: i think you should take a few deep breathes and try to get back to a mature sense because you are in no way convinving anyone that you are mature enough to have a child by freaking out when someone gives an opinion.


now onto answering your question. no you are not to young to have a child. when me and my DH started trying it was right after we had gotten married and i was 18. i didnt actually fall pregnant till i was 19 though almost 20 and i was VERY happy to have had that 1st year of marriage just for us to adjust to living together and being independently sufficent. if you truly feel you are ready and can provide for a child then go for it. but it should certainly be a LONG conversation between you a your OH before you decide to bring another life into this world. babies are ALOT of work and cost ALOT of money.just remember to take everything into considertation not just your desire to have a baby.:flower:


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## girl friday

I was commenting as a mother and asking a valid question about your finances and how moving in together may affect them.


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## Joey_baby

i understand on peoples opinions it was just pure rude to judge me which is what this post was about, weve thought about every tiny thing about this not me just being "selfish" as was said


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## Joey_baby

our finances are fine now and will be then il be receiving more money when living with my partner then i am now


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## MrsBandEgglet

I haven't read the thread so I don't know if you've elaborated more on your circumstances but my initial reaction is nope, you're not too young at all but if you're not able to provide a loving, stable, comfortable and safe environment then you're not READY. There's a major difference between the two. I know a few women who have babies and are your age and they are fantastic mummies. They are everything their LO needs because they can handle what parenthood brings and that's what matters. I sometimes think they cope better than me and I'm 28 :thumbup:


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## Joey_baby

but the thing is i can provide a safe home which no one seems to be understanding and underestimating me because i want my child to be close to its other nan for a few hours


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## jennyxx

Joey_baby said:


> what do most people do on weekends.. go visit your parents right? exactly what im doing but just staying for more then a cup of tea why is that such a problem to people!

I suppose. Me personally I dont have the time to chill out at the weekend if I am not cleaning the house I am running erunds I havnt been able to do all week and on a monday I go with the perants-in-law who are 68 and 75 to help them with there shopping.

You dont realise how much time running a home takes up until you have one.

We are the same age and in very different frames of mind!


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## girl friday

In terms of your living arrangements, I would wait until you live together in your own place before TTC. 
At your age I was in a similar relationship with similar living arrangements. When we finally moved in to our own place we found we just were not right for each other. We had planned our future together, picked baby names, everything. I'm not saying that will happen to you, just that you do not truely know someone until you live with them 24/7, in you own place, by your own rules and expectations, managing your own finances.

Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## Joey_baby

well im pretty sure my day to day living is completely different to yours i have time and i will when i have a baby


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## Joey_baby

iv lived with him ive been the housewife had dinner on the table for when he was home, perfectly fine


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## wwchix

You need to calm down and stop being defensive. People are trying to give opinions and you're jumping back at them saying 'well i don't agree with that'. If you didn't want opinions. Don't ask for them.


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## Joey_baby

no im being defensive for all the things youv said


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## wwchix

Joey_baby said:


> iv lived with him ive been the housewife had dinner on the table for when he was home, perfectly fine

Along with cleaning the entire house... doing the shopping... doing the washing... ironing... etc... oh and then there will be a baby in the equation such as feeding, changing, entertaining....

You really have got a delusional look on this :/ Go have your baby and live in your perfect world. Let us know how you're getting on in a few years time.


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## girl friday

But living on your own place rather than between parents' homes really is different.


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## wwchix

Joey_baby said:


> well im pretty sure my day to day living is completely different to yours i have time and i will when i have a baby


^ ^ ^ ^ being defensive over someones 100% valid comment.. which was nothing to do with me. She was just saying she doesn't have the time to do what you're planning and you've gone all 'oh well im pretty sure i can do this and i will etc'


I'm leaving this and going to bed. Goodnight. Like I said, good luck. You're gonna need it.


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## Joey_baby

I DO HOUSEWIFE CRAP EVERYDAY gosh you really do think your higher then me just because i have 2 homes am im the immature one..


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## jennyxx

Joey_baby said:


> no im being defensive for all the things youv said

This is my final post on this thread is it is very much dead in the water

I conclude by saying DO AS YOU LIKE. You are asking for opinions then disregarding them no matter what they are or whome they are from you seem to like to "correct" peoples opinions with your own.

Good look in the future and I hope you make the right decision!


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## jennyxx

wwchix said:


> Joey_baby said:
> 
> 
> well im pretty sure my day to day living is completely different to yours i have time and i will when i have a baby
> 
> 
> ^ ^ ^ ^ being defensive over someones 100% valid comment.. which was nothing to do with me. She was just saying she doesn't have the time to do what you're planning and you've gone all 'oh well im pretty sure i can do this and i will etc'
> 
> 
> I'm leaving this and going to bed. Goodnight. Like I said, good luck. You're gonna need it.Click to expand...

I was trying to express that I never realised (I am the same age as Joey) how much time running YOUR OWN house takes


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## Joey_baby

listen yh i do have the time and i will in the future u dont no what i do in the day so yet again youv judged that


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## Joey_baby

i dont think youv understood and red correctly im not in my own house so yeah


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## Foogirl

I'm having a little laugh here because you don't want people to judge but that is exactly what you are asking people here to do!

I will answer whether I would have been to young, and it is a big yes. I'm sure at the time I would have said no, but that in itself would have been why I was too young. I thought I knew everything. I thought I was more capable than I probably would have been and if I had to go through everything I've been through with Abby at that age, it would have broken me.

Sure if I had the perfect pregnancy and the typical baby / toddler I would have been able to cope most likely. But having a premature birth resulting in a child with cerebral palsy may have been beyond me.

Then there was my relationship at the time. I was engaged to a guy who I though was my life partner. But as it turned out, I actually had a lot of living and learning to do before I was ready to commit to someone else. As did he. If I had a child at that point I'd now be a single mum with a disabled teenager.

Now, everyone is different, and you might actually be in the right place in your life to have a child and with the right person who will be with you for life, that certainly can happen. Only you can know that. I suspect the fact you are asking the question indicates maybe you need to get to a place where you are more comfortable with yourself and aren't bothered by other people before you do, but that is purely speculation.


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## Joey_baby

nothing to laugh about i asked for peoples advice about being judged on having a baby at this age and a mother that should be ashamed of herself has judged my life and future and even my my brother so fact im not asking for people to judge me im reacting to her comments on judging me


----------



## girl friday

This is starting to remind me of work a little too much. I'm walking away too. I have given my opinions based on my life experiences. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.


----------



## jennyxx

Joey_baby said:


> i dont think youv understood and red correctly im not in my own house so yeah

BUT you said you planned to move out.

I am new to this site can Moderators "lock" threads as I think this thread has had its day!


----------



## Joey_baby

and thank you for your opinions and not your comments about my future


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## Joey_baby

which isnt yet my child isnt here yet and you commented about having my own house now


----------



## nickibrum

Well i posted at the beginning that ages doesnt really come into it as long as you have a stable relationship and have got big money payments sorted i.e. your own house, wedding, car. 
I have to say im a bit confused; are you actually pregnant or wtt? You didnt give us alot of background which is why people are judging you. 
Honest opinion, based on your comments and insults to people who you asked for their opionion, i would have to retract my opinion of you being too young. 
You seem very immature. 

i was with my ex for 6 years, we had kids names picked out, lived together in an separate building in his parents house like a granny annexe. we thought we were in it for the long haul. but sometimes things just dont work out. 
Now im in my own home, still rented but we have been saving for 3 years(!!!!) while we got married and for our house deposit, and i have to say living in your home is totally different from living with parents. p.s. i dont see my family every weekend and i rarely stay overnight.

This may be totally pointless as you may already be PG but i still think you should wait til you are more stable. It will be extremely hard to live on just your OHs wage when a baby comes, initial set up costs are 1000+. We earn 55K a year and still arent financially ready which is why were waiting. Im 25 and my OH is 24. We met when we were 21/20 and knew immediately that each other was "the One", early on we spoke about kids.... but knew we couldnt offer a stable home at that point in time. 

i dont want to say to my child they cant do ballet or cant go swimming because we cant afford it, just examples but hopefully you know what i mean. I think the benefit system is going to be getting a huge shake up in the next few years- could you survive if they got cut?


----------



## ProudArmyWife

jennyxx said:


> Joey_baby said:
> 
> 
> i dont think youv understood and red correctly im not in my own house so yeah
> 
> BUT you said you planned to move out.
> 
> I am new to this site can Moderators "lock" threads as I think this thread has had its day!Click to expand...

yes they can and will lock threads if they feel its need :)


----------



## jennyxx

ProudArmyWife said:


> jennyxx said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Joey_baby said:
> 
> 
> i dont think youv understood and red correctly im not in my own house so yeah
> 
> BUT you said you planned to move out.
> 
> I am new to this site can Moderators "lock" threads as I think this thread has had its day!Click to expand...
> 
> yes they can and will lock threads if they feel its need :)Click to expand...

if everyone else agress! I think its best


----------



## Foogirl

nickibrum said:


> you asked for their opionion, i would have to retract my opinion of you being too young.
> You seem very immature.

Given the response to my post, I'm inclined to agree. Certainly the OP isn't coming across as particularly wise and I suspect would not accept any advice, seeing it only as criticism. For any mum that can be a problem, no matter how old they are.


----------



## Joey_baby

Fuck em Joey, seriously I had all that aswell, its harder when you aint got your own place but at the same time, you get soooo much more help + everyones around you when you get down + when you do get pregnant you'll need them more than ever. A lot of women on those forums are stuck up there own asses + act like they know it all. Believe me, I used too get A LOT of shit on them forums that's why I ant on em anymore xx
..


----------



## Joey_baby

thats all i wanted to hear tonight and someone thats got a baby and living with her mum told me the truth


----------



## chiapso

im sorry this thread turned sour :(


----------



## Foogirl

Joey_baby said:


> thats all i wanted to hear tonight and someone thats got a baby and living with her mum told me the truth

No, someone told you what you wanted to hear. Perhaps you shouldn't have asked for opinions if you weren't willing to listen to both sides.



chiapso said:


> im sorry this thread turned sour :(

It is a real shame. Especially as I believe there are many 19 year olds who would make very good parents and many of the posts that I read here seemed to be saying the same thing. I hope any other young person wondering the same thing and reading this can actually see that.


----------



## kittylady

I'm still not aware why your claiming DLA? 

I agree with the fact that you wont listen, I'm just curious as to your disability.


----------



## nickibrum

i wouldnt say im stuck up my own arse thanks. i think im a sensible ADULT who wants a to provide a good stable life for me, my partner and any future LOs. 

you havent helped yourself by not explaining your history. all you have said is you live at home, are 19, Oh works (earning not alot) and you dont because your on disability. 
not the best way to persaude us your not too young. 

you have to understand that in reality that is really not the ideal situtaion for anyone, never mind bringing a LO into the mix. most people on this section (WTT) are waiting mainly down to finances, they want to be reponsible for their own child without living on benefit/help of the government. 

p.s. still didnt answer if you are PG or TTC- too focussed on being defensive and self rightous??


----------



## ProudArmyWife

answering this thread is pointless unless you are going to tell the OP exactly what she wants to hear.


----------



## Foogirl

ProudArmyWife said:


> answering this thread is pointless unless you are going to tell the OP exactly what she wants to hear.

Seems to be the case. Let's see....

"sure, you get going and knock out a few kids I'll be paying for, for the rest of my working life. I can't see what the problem is."

Or is that not the kind of truth that is required here?


----------



## ProudArmyWife

^^ :rofl:


----------



## Foogirl

kailynn said:


> I'm 18 and will be 19 or 20 when we ttc, that is when we will have good careers and good money rolling in, so we will be financially stable enough to give our child the best life we can provide him/her. And even more important than finances is if you are emotionally stable, and in a strong relationship- you wouldn't want your child to grow up without a whole family unit, or at least a father figure in his/her life. When you feel you are ready, then you are!

What kind of career does an 18 year old have that gets the money rolling in? I'm not being offensive or anything, I'm genuinely curious as I've heard other young people saying the same thing and I'm wondering where the he'll I went wrong. I was at least in my late twenties before that happened :dohh:


----------



## aliss

Foogirl said:


> kailynn said:
> 
> 
> I'm 18 and will be 19 or 20 when we ttc, that is when we will have good careers and good money rolling in, so we will be financially stable enough to give our child the best life we can provide him/her. And even more important than finances is if you are emotionally stable, and in a strong relationship- you wouldn't want your child to grow up without a whole family unit, or at least a father figure in his/her life. When you feel you are ready, then you are!
> 
> What kind of career does an 18 year old have that gets the money rolling in? I'm not being offensive or anything, I'm genuinely curious as I've heard other young people saying the same thing and I'm wondering where the he'll I went wrong. I was at least in my late twenties before that happened :dohh:Click to expand...

I was raking in $80k per year at 19 myself as a 911 dispatcher (city employed and worked ridiculous amount of overtime at $30/hr regular and $60/hour OT), that being said, I blew it all on alcohol and clothings, not diapers :rofl:

No regrets...

BTW is this thread for real? I don't even know anymore. It just seems very...
https://my.newhighscore.com/src/skepticalHippo.jpg


----------



## Foogirl

fookin ell! That's what a 911 dispatcher makes? I don't think ours get that sort of money. Probably minimum wage. I'm a senior professional and only make the equivalent of what an 18 yr old dispatcher.......!

I'd have been dangerous with that kind of cash at 18.

sadly i think this thread is for real. And scarier still, there appear to be many who fit that stereotype.


----------



## xXchocostarXx

wwchix said:


> Depends on your situation. If you are living with your partner with a stable income and financially and emotionally ready and settled, then I see why not.
> 
> However if you are in college/uni, don't have good wage coming in, not in a stable relationship, then you might want to reconsider.
> 
> I've been really broody since I was 15 and I'm now 20 and so glad I waited until now to consider it. I'm moving into my first house with my fiancee next week, and we both are bringing in more than enough money than we need and we're in such a better situation than before :)
> 
> So yeah. As long as you are stable, I can't see why not.

I'm actually 15 and me and my bf (engaged) want one.. We almost seriously considered.. But we decided we wanted what was best for the baby... So we are going to ttc around 20 as well. As long as our career plans go well :) I have to agree having a house and a job is very important. My parents had me at 19 and my dad was 24 and had a well paying job. They now have 6 children and getting along just fine :)


----------



## aliss

Foogirl said:


> fookin ell! That's what a 911 dispatcher makes? I don't think ours get that sort of money. Probably minimum wage. I'm a senior professional and only make the equivalent of what an 18 yr old dispatcher.......!
> 
> I'd have been dangerous with that kind of cash at 18.
> 
> sadly i think this thread is for real. And scarier still, there appear to be many who fit that stereotype.

Yep we make a lot more. We had a few girls from Wales visiting about 2 years ago and they were really shocked as well, although the cost of living where I was from was actually higher than the UK (bit of an anomaly here in Canada), although I lied, I think I was at $22/hr when I first started... $30 was after about 5-7 years but no added job responsibilities!! Sweeeeeet. I miss that job, my French is shit so I can't continue it here in Quebec.


----------



## LaurenDC

Okay i've read all the posts on this thread and I'm getting so aggravated, my stomach's in a knot!!!

To the OP:

You came on here asking if you were too young for a baby, NOT to ask why people are judgmental. So please spare us the "I didn't come on here for your opinions" because that's simply not the case. Your first post asks if you're too young.

Second, please stop saying "I have two homes." The reality of the situation is you have zero homes and you live with your parents. You do not have two homes. Which means your child will not have an actual home either, but will instead be tossed around different locations. And try to keep in mind, this "baby" will not be a baby forever. This isn't like having a cat or dog. This human being is going to grow, FAST, and will be under your roof for 18-20+ years. And you will have to deal with it when it's a pain in the butt pre-teen and teenager, too, and those years will come before you know it.

Third, I don't think it's fair for you to plan on bringing a child into the world not only because the situation is an awful one for it, but also because I don't think tax payers should have to support your planned baby. Sorry, that's just how I feel. I'm not against receiving government assistance if it is needed, but to actually say this is an income and I plan to bring a baby into the world because the government is paying for me and wil have to pay for him is just not right.

Fourth, you keep saying you're not busy all day and will have time for a baby. What exactly are you doing?

Fifth, my husband and I have been together for over six years and have been married for 15 months. He is almost 27 and I'm 25. We will be trying to conceive in about two weeks, and even I often question myself!!! We both make a good living and my husband is currently in training for his promotion which he will have months before Baby is born, and will result in our earning a joint six figures (over 100,000) per year. Yet I still put all the expenses on paper, and though it seems to work, I still question myself. We are very mature, very in love, in a very stable relationship (emotionally, spiritually, financially) and we know we are ready to welcome a baby into our life. However, because I am mature and a regular concerned preggo-to-be, I still ask myself subconsciously "What if this happens, what if that happens..." That's the normal thing because you want to have the absolute BEST for your future child. Oh and we live in a beautiful upscale apartment building, but manage to save every month and we also have more than enough for a down payment on a home when the right one comes along. Again, we are prepared.

You are obviously NOT prepared mentally, financially, emotionally, to bring a baby into this world. You asked if you were too young and yes, I believe you are. And by "young" I mean your level of maturity, not just the number of years you've been on this earth.


----------



## aliss

Interesting point re: not two homes, but zero homes. Personally I'd be really freakin pissed if my son brought a baby into my house when I was "done" with babies. I want to live peacefully without children one day, LOL


----------



## LaurenDC

aliss said:


> Interesting point re: not two homes, but zero homes. Personally I'd be really freakin pissed if my son brought a baby into my house when I was "done" with babies. I want to live peacefully without children one day, LOL

Agreed!!!


----------



## SugarBeth

I was going to give my recommendation...but then I read the whole thread. 

OP, looks like you didn't come on here for help or opinions at all, even though that's what you claimed. You only wanted everyone to tell you what YOU wanted to hear, and to feel justified in the decision that you've already come to.

You already know that you're going to have a baby and no one is going to deter you from that, even though everyone had very valid reasons and were trying to warn you from a been there done that stance. You won't have any of it though, so good luck raising your baby. I think you're in for a real shock.


----------



## mom2pne

I was 18 when I first got pregnant. The baby would have been due about 2 months after I turned 19. Sadly, I lost that baby. Fast forward another 14.5 months and I got pregnant a little over 2 months before I turned 20 and had my first son at just over 20.5 years old. It was what I felt was right. My bf (now my husband for almost 15 years) was working full-time with great benefits and wages so I was able to be a sahm even though we didn't live together. He lived with his parents and I lived in a studio apartment. 

I say if you feel you are ready talk to your OH and see how he feels about starting a family and gl to you!


----------



## kiki04

When I read your original post I was going to say 

" I was 19 when I had my first almost 20 and 21 when I had my second, that being said we bought a house when our first was 6 months old and my dh made enough money for me to be a stay at home mommy to him. So if you feel ready... go for it!"

That was GOING to be my answer... until you continued to open your mouth and show just how immature you really are. I am not saying this in a derogatory manor, just that you clearly arent ready. Anyone who has no place of their own, barely enough money and is already PLANNING on relying on everyone else to help them... is by NO MEANS ready for a baby as all these decisions are based on being selfish. I want a baby, so I am going to have a baby! Without thinking about the life of that baby. You should never enter a "grown up situation" with a "child mentality" of expecting YOUR mommy and daddy and uncle and aunty or whatever other available adult to be the reliable ones in the situation. You want to have a baby... then put on your big girl panties.. get your life together, stand on your own two feet and THEN bring a child into this world....


----------



## jennyxx

LaurenDC said:


> Okay i've read all the posts on this thread and I'm getting so aggravated, my stomach's in a knot!!!
> 
> To the OP:
> 
> You came on here asking if you were too young for a baby, NOT to ask why people are judgmental. So please spare us the "I didn't come on here for your opinions" because that's simply not the case. Your first post asks if you're too young.
> 
> Second, please stop saying "I have two homes." The reality of the situation is you have zero homes and you live with your parents. You do not have two homes. Which means your child will not have an actual home either, but will instead be tossed around different locations. And try to keep in mind, this "baby" will not be a baby forever. This isn't like having a cat or dog. This human being is going to grow, FAST, and will be under your roof for 18-20+ years. And you will have to deal with it when it's a pain in the butt pre-teen and teenager, too, and those years will come before you know it.
> 
> Third, I don't think it's fair for you to plan on bringing a child into the world not only because the situation is an awful one for it, but also because I don't think tax payers should have to support your planned baby. Sorry, that's just how I feel. I'm not against receiving government assistance if it is needed, but to actually say this is an income and I plan to bring a baby into the world because the government is paying for me and wil have to pay for him is just not right.
> 
> Fourth, you keep saying you're not busy all day and will have time for a baby. What exactly are you doing?
> 
> Fifth, my husband and I have been together for over six years and have been married for 15 months. He is almost 27 and I'm 25. We will be trying to conceive in about two weeks, and even I often question myself!!! We both make a good living and my husband is currently in training for his promotion which he will have months before Baby is born, and will result in our earning a joint six figures (over 100,000) per year. Yet I still put all the expenses on paper, and though it seems to work, I still question myself. We are very mature, very in love, in a very stable relationship (emotionally, spiritually, financially) and we know we are ready to welcome a baby into our life. However, because I am mature and a regular concerned preggo-to-be, I still ask myself subconsciously "What if this happens, what if that happens..." That's the normal thing because you want to have the absolute BEST for your future child. Oh and we live in a beautiful upscale apartment building, but manage to save every month and we also have more than enough for a down payment on a home when the right one comes along. Again, we are prepared.
> 
> You are obviously NOT prepared mentally, financially, emotionally, to bring a baby into this world. You asked if you were too young and yes, I believe you are. And by "young" I mean your level of maturity, not just the number of years you've been on this earth.

Brilliant post :)


----------



## xarlenex

Okay I've read through this entire thread and now ready to reply..

When I had my son I (think because you haven't given alot of background) was in a situation not too different from yours. Except I was 18, and working, however only part time and he was unplanned, I had been with my partner for 2 and a half years and we had just gotten lazy with contraception. So anyway found out I was pregnant, thought we could do it between 2 houses, my mums where there is plenty room, We had a room Kyle had his own nursery, _Something to maybe consider, would there be space for a baby in both houses?_ and his mothers. Fast foward 4 months after birth, my partner lost his job and I was keeping us going on what I had in savings and maternity allowence, not easy at all. We ended up splitting up. I thought fine, I was recieve working and child tax credits now I was single, so yes financially I was still fine. But me and my mum stopped getting along suddenly and out the blue I was put out with no choice but to declare myself and son homeless. _I went from 2 'homes' to none whatsoever in a little space of time_ They council were great and sorted me emergency accomodation at a ridiculous cost too :dohh: I was on the 11th floor of a horrid high rise flat, and luckily my mum agreed to let Kyle stay with her, but I couldn't. So everyday between work I had go to and from my mums putting my son to bed and making sure I was there when he woke in the morning. The full time might I add not getting a penny from his father and forking out soo much on taxis because I can't drive. 

Lucky for me my dad is very fortunate in what he earns and got me sorted out with a home for me and Kyle, after letting me ride it out in the flats from hell for a while. Now I live a totally different life, still working, living with my fiance, Kyles been to florida and had christmas dinner with winnie the pooh and friends, loads more holidays. Day trips to zoo's, safaris, parks etc.. He attends a private nursery thats rated top in our area while we work. Now I am not for one minute saying these things are priority, I am well aware he gets alot more than most but for us, its right that he has those oppurtunities. 

Anyway, I simply wanted to share my story, things worked out in the end, but I tell you it was a hard journey getting here and If I could go back i'd do things totally differently. I think, like me at the time your looking at the small picture, i'm not saying you should have a negative outlook on life, but you need to think about changing factors. The government might decide to withdraw your DLA, your partner could loose his job, you could fall out with family members, god forbid something could happen to the family members your planning to rely on and your going to be left with nothing. Trust me, you do not want to end up in homeless accomodation where you have people out their face on drugs trying to get into your flat while your cradling your son waiting on the police getting there. You need back up plans and things to be a little more definate in your life, in my opinion, which is based only on what I went through. I hope you dont find this offensive or anything other than my opinion and advice to you. 

I wish I had time to structure this better but I had to do it quickly to get to work.


----------



## comotion89

gave up on page 7....frankly don't like your attitude towards opinions that you asked for to be honest, age has some influence I think anyone under 18 is too young to have a baby your 19 so ok fair enough however from your posts I don't believe you are ready to bring a child up...most young girls tend to forget that this cute little baby does grow up , secondly this going from house to house ok it maybe just a few mins away but it's not really your own place it's abit inconsiderate have you even spoke about your plans to the two parties in which you intend on staying with...how would they feel? I was thinking if they went on holiday would you be able to stop over still or would have to find somewhere else till they came back??
3. do you want to create a new life with this man, how sure are you about your relationship

the thing that really gets me is girls who just have a baby with any guy (old friend knew this guy 3 months) n the relationship fails n your left with a child who could potentially never get to know their father...and the issues that come with that... I'm not saying that people don't split who have been married or together for years just to point out 

personally I think you two should set some goals a car isn't that important to be honest but some form of stable income and a home of your own would be ideal...
I could have a baby now if I wanted ....combined wages of me n my partner equal £3000pcm we are moving in together we know each other wants n needs 
but I'm waiting still as there is other stuff I want to do.

but yea think about your decision


----------



## Hannah :)

As long you can provide love, support, food, Clothes and a roof over the child's it doesn't matter how old the parent is :)

X


----------



## Midnight_Fairy

Its not about age. Its about individual stability and maturity. I had my son at 16 and he is now 7. There is SO much more to having a baby/child than loving it and knowing how to look after it.


----------



## brittanyyy17

LaurenDC said:


> Okay i've read all the posts on this thread and I'm getting so aggravated, my stomach's in a knot!!!
> 
> To the OP:
> 
> You came on here asking if you were too young for a baby, NOT to ask why people are judgmental. So please spare us the "I didn't come on here for your opinions" because that's simply not the case. Your first post asks if you're too young.
> 
> Second, please stop saying "I have two homes." The reality of the situation is you have zero homes and you live with your parents. You do not have two homes. Which means your child will not have an actual home either, but will instead be tossed around different locations. And try to keep in mind, this "baby" will not be a baby forever. This isn't like having a cat or dog. This human being is going to grow, FAST, and will be under your roof for 18-20+ years. And you will have to deal with it when it's a pain in the butt pre-teen and teenager, too, and those years will come before you know it.
> 
> Third, I don't think it's fair for you to plan on bringing a child into the world not only because the situation is an awful one for it, but also because I don't think tax payers should have to support your planned baby. Sorry, that's just how I feel. I'm not against receiving government assistance if it is needed, but to actually say this is an income and I plan to bring a baby into the world because the government is paying for me and wil have to pay for him is just not right.
> 
> Fourth, you keep saying you're not busy all day and will have time for a baby. What exactly are you doing?
> 
> Fifth, my husband and I have been together for over six years and have been married for 15 months. He is almost 27 and I'm 25. We will be trying to conceive in about two weeks, and even I often question myself!!! We both make a good living and my husband is currently in training for his promotion which he will have months before Baby is born, and will result in our earning a joint six figures (over 100,000) per year. Yet I still put all the expenses on paper, and though it seems to work, I still question myself. We are very mature, very in love, in a very stable relationship (emotionally, spiritually, financially) and we know we are ready to welcome a baby into our life. However, because I am mature and a regular concerned preggo-to-be, I still ask myself subconsciously "What if this happens, what if that happens..." That's the normal thing because you want to have the absolute BEST for your future child. Oh and we live in a beautiful upscale apartment building, but manage to save every month and we also have more than enough for a down payment on a home when the right one comes along. Again, we are prepared.
> 
> You are obviously NOT prepared mentally, financially, emotionally, to bring a baby into this world. You asked if you were too young and yes, I believe you are. And by "young" I mean your level of maturity, not just the number of years you've been on this earth.

​This Exactly. I'm also 19, Turning 20 in October. So, I kind of know where you are coming from with the whole not wanting to be judged about your age. BUT, you asked for peoples opinions, and your age doesn't necessarily mean too young. I'ts all about your maturity level. If you didn't want peoples opinions; don't ask. 
​DB and I just decided to want to have a baby. My DB is 26, 27 in October... Yes, I know there is quite an age difference. We thought about it first, and we both think we are ready. We have a stable income, reliable transportation, and a house that will soon be our own, but I know I still have doubts from time to time, just like stated above. That being said, DB and I have talked about my doubts, and his too. And in our hearts, and minds we both know we are ready. 
​If you are so ready to have a baby, don't you want to be the one raising it? By the sounds of things, everyone else is going to be doing that for you. Do you not want your LO to have a nice and stable life? Just looking through some of the nursery things, toys, and clothes, there is a lot of cool new things for your LO, but they are also pretty pricey. Don't you want to be able to get some of those new cook gadgets, and clothes for them? Also, you simply can not bring a LO into the world while you are still relying on everyone else. What are you going to do when everyone gets sick of you relying on them, and they stop helping you? Or they don't have time, or they move away? Then what? YOU are an adult now. You simply can't bring a LO into this world when you are still acting like a child yourself.


----------



## princess_1991

okaii so ive spent ages reading through this entire thread and im ready to reply

ill start by telling you of my situation, 
ive just turned 20 and will be going in for my first cycle of ivf in the next month or two, weve been ttc since i was 17, i look back now and think how irresponsible that was but in a way im glad i did because otherwise we would never have found out about my infertility and wouldnt be any where near having our baby, 
i got married at 18

we have our own place and i dont work as hubby earns enough for me not too, plus it was a joint decision about not wanting to get stressed about the ivf,

in any normal circumstance i would say your not too young to ttc however, i do think in your posts you have percieved your self to be really immature, 

after having the posts off these girls if you had of replyed saying ok i accept your opinion but i think your wrong for this, this and this reason, i would say your mature enough to take criticism but still know what you want,

how long have you and your bf been together??
also i know for a fact that you dont get more DLA if you live with your bf, because i was my mothers sole carer since i was 4 and have to deal with the dla and everything that comes with it,

dh and i had our own place when we started ttc but things happened with the block of flats we were living in and we ended up back at my mothers for a couple of months - in any normal circumstances i would have stopped ttc at this point but because of my infertility it would have been pointless and it would have set us further back, 

we are now in our own place and i dont understand how you have ''loadsa time on your hands'' i spend all week cleaning - cooking - washing - ironing and once thats done the next day it needs doing again, i dont understand how you said youve done all the housewife buisiness, take it from someone whos lived with my mom with dh, all i had to do was tidy my room and do dh's tea, because as it was my moms house it was her responsibility to keep it clean and pay the bills (with input of money obviously)

also i noticed you live in essex, how is that an area where theres no properties availiable, i know exactally what you ment by that, you would get pregnant then get a free council house and live off the dole, its people like you that put young women like me to shame, when i have a baby, its because of people like you that people are going to judge me for being a dole dosser who brings up there baby on benefits and is a single mother, when its not like that at all,

im sorry if this has come across harsh but it needed to be said, do i think your too young to ttc?? no but i do think your too immature and irresponsible

how selfish can you be that you want to rely on everyone else, have you asked your parents or your bf's parents if they want to become full-time childminders?? or have you asked your aunt and uncle if they want to become your personal taxi drivers - other people have lives to ya know, people arent put on this earth for you to rely on,

i really dont understand you, wouldnt you want to make that child never want for nothing??
dont you wanna look back on that child when there older and think i raised that my self, i never had to ask no one for nothing??

as the girls on here have said theres people out there that cant have children, guess what im one of those and your attitude toward having a baby has royally pissed me off, and for your info im not stuck up my own arse, im real! unlike the fantasy world you want to live in,

im sorry if this isnt what you want to hear but frankly it needed sayin, 

dont ask for peoples opinions if your not mature enough to handle the truth


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## immie

I'm 18 and pregnant and i'll be 19 when LO gets here but me and OH both have full time jobs and we're putting £75 away each every week until LO arrives. When he finishes his job which will be next August, he has a place secured to work with national grid where he will be earning £24,000 annually and i will be staying at home with the baby and even though sometimes we may struggle, at least we'll be able to have our own place and be able to afford rent/bills/food and more than just the bare minimum for the baby. And although a year younger than yourself, i do believe i am much more mature than you as i would never consider bringing a child into the world only to scrounge all the benefits i could get my chavvy hands on and i certainly wouldn't be dragging LO from house to house, a child needs a HOME from day 1, not a couple of houses to go back and forth to, that's very selfish and unfair!

I know i will struggle but i have realistic plans in place and i'm actually quite an intelligent girl so i believe i'll be able to deal with any problems that come my way as best i can. Just maybe consider the potential baby here before yourself. I understand the desperate yearning for a child to love and nurture, i've had that yearning since i was 12! Doesn't mean i got pregnant at 12 though!


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## kailynn

You want to know an honest opinion? I'll surely give you one.

I happened to be one of the people that you "thanked" for my post. But honestly, I take back everything that was said in my first post, because quite frankly, you are too young to have a child and this thread has given one too many examples of your childish behavior. I am 18 years old and would never be caught dead showing the disrespect and childish mentality you have towards others, and frankly it makes me sick that someone can be so disrespectful to others that are trying to give honest advice- many of which have had a child, so they understand. You clearly need to get your priorities straight. No, I do not think realistically you are too young at the age of 19, 20; but mentally, you personally are! You should work on your maturity, or lack of, before you bring a child into this world.

Yes, you asked not to be judged, but you opened yourself up to the judgement by being so blatantly disrespectful. No one was out to judge you, just to give helpful advice, but you took things to a whole new level.

You are over-looking the responsibility you are taking on, simply because you want a child. Everyone on BnB wants a child, or we wouldn't be here! But there is a difference between us, and the likes of you- WE want to make sure we are giving the best life for our child that we possibly can, even if that means waiting for a very long time before trying; YOU, on the otherhand, are planning to bring a child into a very unstable lifestyle, while living off others. 
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

We are nearly the same age, and our mind sets are completely different, I am waiting for at least another year. In that year I will be finished with my training for the US Army, living on my own, having a stable career and a steady income, new car, and OH will be starting or have already started his career which will earning him a very good amount of money- hell, we should even be married- and yet we are still going to take a few months to settle in and plan, before bringing a child into this world. During this all, I will be taking online classes while enlisted in the military, and drawing up a floor plan for the house we are going to have built.

You, on the other hand, are planning on living on a scarce income, with no car, and running between two homes that aren't yours! You are making others take on responsibility that is not theirs to take on, and that is just unfair to your family, as well as your potential child.

Which one of us has a better plan? Clearly, you need to think this through a lot more before you decide to make such a life changing decision. Because that is not a life a responsible parent would want for their child.


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## Midnight_Fairy

I dont agree with her being mature but I really dont think having a car or not comes into it?? sorry!


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## kailynn

Midnight_Fairy said:


> I dont agree with her being mature but I really dont think having a car or not comes into it?? sorry!

Not the actual materialistic aspect of the car, just using it more as a metaphor for not relying on others.


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## rosalieava

based on the other immature answers you've given previous people, no i do not think you are ready to have a baby :)


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## ProudArmyWife

Midnight_Fairy said:


> I dont agree with her being mature but I really dont think having a car or not comes into it?? sorry!

i think in the US we rely on cars a bit more. they are more of an important step/ thing to have. i know where im from you have to have a car it takes 20 to 30 mins to get anywhere and there are no taxis, buses or trains. so its either have your own or have to ask for a ride. i know if i didnt have a car id freak out :haha: but again i think cars are a bigger deal in the US


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## chiapso

you know what - you make the best of the situation you're in - we can all "do better" for our children, but we learn on the job. I say if you're ready go for it, no one can tell you otherwise, a car, millions in the bank, a supportive baby daddy are things we aspire to but sometimes things dont work out anyway. We are all selfish for wanting children, afterall the human form is no dying race.


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## kailynn

ProudArmyWife said:


> Midnight_Fairy said:
> 
> 
> I dont agree with her being mature but I really dont think having a car or not comes into it?? sorry!
> 
> i think in the US we rely on cars a bit more. they are more of an important step/ thing to have. i know where im from you have to have a car it takes 20 to 30 mins to get anywhere and there are no taxis, buses or trains. so its either have your own or have to ask for a ride. i know if i didnt have a car id freak out :haha: but again i think cars are a bigger deal in the USClick to expand...

This is SO true! We rely on cars for everything in the US, getting anywhere around here using any other means of transportation is far too difficult, sometimes nearly impossible!


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## ProudArmyWife

chiapso said:


> you know what - you make the best of the situation you're in - we can all "do better" for our children, but we learn on the job. I say if you're ready go for it, no one can tell you otherwise, a car, millions in the bank, a supportive baby daddy are things we aspire to but sometimes things dont work out anyway. We are all selfish for wanting children, afterall the human form is no dying race.

i agree that you make the best of the situation you're in but to PLAN to put yourself in a sticky situation is not exactly smart. if it were to be a happy suprise then by all means make the best of it but to plan a baby when your not in the best or even slightly desirable circumstances is not very mature. i think the biggest thing is that OP is PLANNING a child when she doesnt have her own home. which means the baby wont have a stable home. not saying the child wouldnt be loved and taken care of but you would think you would want a stable environment to start with. JMO 

but OP is gonna do what she wants regardless of what anyone on here says. which is perfectly fine. ppl are just trying to give her real life things to think about. and she became extremly defensive


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## Foogirl

chiapso said:


> you know what - you make the best of the situation you're in - we can all "do better" for our children, but we learn on the job. I say if you're ready go for it, no one can tell you otherwise, a car, millions in the bank, a supportive baby daddy are things we aspire to but sometimes things dont work out anyway. We are all selfish for wanting children, afterall the human form is no dying race.

You are right in some respects. Sometimes it is difficult to get all your ducks in a row . But you'd at least make sure some are in place. I do object to calling a supportive father of the child as an aspiration. At the very least, you should start out with one.


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## ProudArmyWife

kailynn said:


> ProudArmyWife said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Midnight_Fairy said:
> 
> 
> I dont agree with her being mature but I really dont think having a car or not comes into it?? sorry!
> 
> i think in the US we rely on cars a bit more. they are more of an important step/ thing to have. i know where im from you have to have a car it takes 20 to 30 mins to get anywhere and there are no taxis, buses or trains. so its either have your own or have to ask for a ride. i know if i didnt have a car id freak out :haha: but again i think cars are a bigger deal in the USClick to expand...
> 
> This is SO true! We rely on cars for everything in the US, getting anywhere around here using any other means of transportation is far too difficult, sometimes nearly impossible!Click to expand...

YES! even living on an army post i would have a panic attack if i didnt have my own vehicle to get around. :haha: pretty much any US lady is gonna say car is a priority. just diffrent culture.


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## wwchix

Also, just noticed in another thread (where you're asking about benefits... funny that..) that you say your parents are declared bankrupt. 

And you say that they can help you out financially... hmmm. I think you need to wake up and smell the roses tbh.


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## kailynn

wwchix said:


> Also, just noticed in another thread (where you're asking about benefits... funny that..) that you say your parents are declared bankrupt.
> 
> And you say that they can help you out financially... hmmm. I think you need to wake up and smell the roses tbh.

VERY good point.


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## cowboys angel

No, age does not matter as far as having a child. Maturity does.

You have shown yourself to be very selfish and very immature.

I am a 19 year old mother of a 6 month old 'surprise!' baby. We were scared shitless when we found out.

We are married, have our own apartment, etc. We can easily take care of our baby, but we were still scared shitless.

You on the other hand, just want a baby, I think for the glamor? Let us know how glamorous those exploding poopy diapers and sick baby and all that are if your 'two houses' decide neither of them wnats a baby there and kicks your immature ass out on the street.

You may be better off with a doll?


Oh, and I feel sorry for your child if you have one any time soon.

You make me feel ashamed to be a 'young mother'


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## jennyxx

Joey_baby said:


> il be living with my parents at the time until we get our own place, but there bankrupt so would that affect it in any way

Was just trauling through old thread and came across this post on a thread about benefits!

I think this thread has defonatly had its day know...if 5 people agree shall we lock it?


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## girl friday

I think the thread should be locked and/or removed. After viewing her other threads & posts I have doubts over her authenticity.


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## cowboys angel

Lock it! What am I, number 3 out of 5?


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## Vicki_Cream

This thread definitely needs to be locked.

OP - you are not too young agewise, but you are WAY too immature to even consider bringing a child into this world. You have a lot of growing up to do missy.


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## bornthiswayxo

Wow, this thread changed since I last read it!!

OP, I used to feel how you feel, but have now realised I am still a little too young mentally to have a baby. I want one insanely, but I'm waiting as I know for now it is for the best. :) I'm 19, and my OH has just turned 19... and we don't want to be stuck in one set of parents homes forever bringing up their grandchild with them... we want to do it properly. I suggest you try that too.


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## kiki04

My OH has a cousin who is in her mid 30's has 2 kids from two different guys and they are like 9 and 5 or something and she still lives at home with mommy and daddy and the whole family looks at her like she is pathetic....at some point its time to grow up. You cant rely on other people forever.


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## lilbumpblue

age is nothing when having a baby but maturity certainly is i can assure you your life will change big style hun i have been a nursery nurse for 16 years and it is nothing in comparison your baby is a constant worry and when they have had you up most of the night and the following day you are worn out...i never had this working as a nursery nurse lol 

i love James to bits wouldnt change him for the world but he has changed my life completely. Good luck with Whatever you decide to do hun. X


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## lilbumpblue

omg how could you lie like you have in this post...do you even have a disability like you kept throwing in everyones face?


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## ProudArmyWife

i agree lock it!


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## kiki04

HAHAHAHA ladies I figured out exactly why this girl is here... she is one smart cookie ;) She came on asking about benefits, and renting flats etc etc etc and then the "approval" of having a baby. All she was trying to do, WAS, get her ducks in a row! Of finding out from everyone here how much THE GOVERNMENT will pay her so she can sit on her ass for the rest of her life having mommy and daddy be the grown ups. This is why her and her BF wont be living together because someone here (another thread) told her they wont get as much from the government if they live together!! They get more money handed to them for NOTHING if they have "two homes" therefore will be living the high life... they always have someone else there to take care of the baby when they are tired or want to relax or want to go out and be young and free and they will be able to because all of our tax money will be going to their lazy asses! HA I think we should all take this route as there is no better feeling then having no pride or accomplishments for yourself.. let everyone else do the hard work and get all their hard earned money handed to you in a check every month..


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## cowboys angel

I hate people like this, that just pop out babies to take advantage of the system, and then people that actually NEED help and are working hard can't hardly get assistance. :nope:


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## kiki04

Its awful isnt it :(


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## cowboys angel

Its awful alright...


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## jennyxx

kiki04 said:


> HAHAHAHA ladies I figured out exactly why this girl is here... she is one smart cookie ;) She came on asking about benefits, and renting flats etc etc etc and then the "approval" of having a baby. All she was trying to do, WAS, get her ducks in a row! Of finding out from everyone here how much THE GOVERNMENT will pay her so she can sit on her ass for the rest of her life having mommy and daddy be the grown ups. This is why her and her BF wont be living together because someone here (another thread) told her they wont get as much from the government if they live together!! They get more money handed to them for NOTHING if they have "two homes" therefore will be living the high life... they always have someone else there to take care of the baby when they are tired or want to relax or want to go out and be young and free and they will be able to because all of our tax money will be going to their lazy asses! HA I think we should all take this route as there is no better feeling then having no pride or accomplishments for yourself.. let everyone else do the hard work and get all their hard earned money handed to you in a check every month..

Brilliant post and exactly what I was thinking.

I must say I can't get little brittians Vicky Pollard out of my head in relation to this thread


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## bornthiswayxo

God, ridiculous this is :dohh:
I wouldn't say her age is what makes her too young, it's just clearly the maturity levels she has. :) Bleh some people...


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## Foogirl

cowboys angel said:


> I hate people like this, that just pop out babies to take advantage of the system, and then people that actually NEED help and are working hard can't hardly get assistance. :nope:

Welcome to the UK's benefit system. Those who really need it have to jump through hoops to get it, those who have generations of families who have been on benefits know so much about how to play the system get it no problem.

And now we're all supposed to feel sorry for them that the government has capped benefits to £26,000 a year??? Many are even complaining now there are fewer jobs because educated and experienced professionals who have been working for years and years but got made redundant are taking low paid, unskilled work. As if these guys should sit back and say "nah, I'll let that waster who hasn't worked for ten years and will probably last a fortnight, take the job":dohh:


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## ilysilly

As long as you're in a stable relationship, in a good place mentally and have a steady income, I don't see why you would be too young. I'm 20 as well and me and the OH started TTC this month.


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## Jo

Hmm I think this thread has run it's course.

Just an FYI for some of our newer members if you have suspicions about a user or thread please use the report button them we can have a quick look.

Asking for a thread to be locked on the actual thread doesn't always work as we don't always see it x


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