# Thoughts on allowing OH to be on "the business end" during labour?



## gk1701

I have told my husband I don't want him looking at my vagina while I'm giving birth because:

1. I might go to the bathroom while pushing.
2. I think it might put him off sex forever to see what happens.
3. I feel like I need to be comforted and he needs to be near the top of the bed for that.
4. I'm not freak show or circus exhibition.

What is everyone else doing/ have you done in the past?


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## hardworknmama

I figure it's up to him. :shrug: My DH didn't want anything to do with that end of things but if he had I would have been fine with it. When you're in the middle of delivery the little things like that seem to disappear. If you go to the bathroom while pushing, he will know wether he is down there or not so I wouldn't let that be a determining factor in where he stands.


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## calliebaby

It was honestly the last thing on my mind when I was pushing. The whole waiting room could have been watching and I couldn't have noticed. :haha:
My husband is verrry squirmy, but he watched (surprised me) and he told me it was "the most beautiful thing he has ever seen" :cloud9:. I kind of wished I would have asked for a mirror. 
Play it by ear. It is all about you in the delivery room and you can make it clear what you want.


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## yourstruly10

My husband watched both of our girls be born. He said it was an amazing experience because he could see them take their first breath and he was truly in awe of what I had done. I had a bowel movement with my first while pushing and he didn't even notice. He was too focused on our child entering the world. He said it was there and yeah he saw it happen but he wasn't focused on it and didn't care.

I didn't really need comfort at that point. I was to focused on pushing the baby out. He still wants sex just as much as before.it didn't affect his view of me or my vagina. It's a different experience he said and he tells me it was amazing.


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## Jaysmummy

I had a water birth and the only time OH had a look was when baby's head was out and the midwives were egging him on to have a look, I don't think he would have done otherwise, he's pretty squeamish with blood and wouldn't even cut the cord!

xx


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## aimee-lou

My hubby caught Earl, and was covered (and I mean covered) in fluids of all descriptions. They didn't even offer him a pinny! :sick: 

He still wants to do it again, and trust me, it hasn't put him off. He said that it was a miracle and as he had made him with me, he wanted to help me in every way he could. He bonded with him really well, so I'm glad that he wants to do it again. We're going to a different centre this time tho so we have to hope he's allowed to be as involved.....he was told he should have brought his trunks so he could have gotten into the pool with me! :wacko:


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## Rees

If you poo they'll smell it from where ever they are. They all tried to hide it from me! :haha:

My OH stayed up by my head but my mum had a good ol' look!

This time around I want pictures/video of the birth because I'm so curious :) so someone has to be down there and you really don't care, I lost any inhibitions I once may have had during the labour and birth of my daughter and I can't wait for it to happen all over again!


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## hawalkden

Oh with me was in the middle :)! Midwife was out the room just before the consultants came in due to heart dropping so when I felt like I was needing to push at 8cm I asked him to check if the head was coming, he wasnt put off at all and enjoyed every moment of it besides the emergency forceps theatre rush he was worried! 
Hed do it all again tomorrow though :)! He says and I second it its all part of the experience :)


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## lucy_lu10

My DH was down in the business end for the whole 2 hours I was pushing (he was helping to hold one of my legs). At one point I looked in a mirror, said "weird" and then closed my eyes again. If I thought it looked weird, I bet he did too but he didn't seem to mind at all. He said things were very swollen down there and that confused him when our son started to crown because he couldn't quite tell what was what :dohh: haha but overall I think he was pretty interested in the whole process. It definitely didn't put him off sex at all either!! I think he was able to separate the 2 things because let's face it, there's nothing sexy about giving birth and bleeding everywhere!! lol


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## lizardbreath

Both times i told him to stay at my head and both times he seen everything as i was pretty much folded in half. When i had jaymee and i literally gave birth in the middle of a bed with Katherine. So dont worry too much when the time comes you won't care either way


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## Hunbun

Me and DH were under the agreement that he would stay at my head. Neither of us wanted him to see. 

However in reality, the midwife was holding one leg and DH was holding the other and everyone (including my mum) were having a good old nosy :blush:. He couldn't help but see and I honestly couldn't have cared less!

And it hasn't put him off me. He says it was an amazing experience!


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## Julia323

Maybe we're different because DH is a Paramedic and has delivered a few babies. He is going to want to see our own baby being delivered! Sure it weirds me out for him to see me in the worst physical position ever, and it's farthest from sexy thing ever, but he's good at doing things clinically.


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## NuKe

I think I would have been upset if my DH _didn't_ want to look! He stayed in the middle with me and saw the whole show!


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## tinkerbelle93

I'm exactly the same as you haha! My OH is not allowed to look, he has to stay at the top-end with me  xx


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## chuck

I wanted a water birth both times meaning hubby wouldnt have seen much...didnt get it wither time though.

Hubby is far too squeamish to be at the business end..he spent most of my time in hospital (didnt want to be in hospital mind you it was a planned hb) with hs head between his legs trying not to pass out or in the corridor. He was the same when I cut a finger bless him fucking useless.

He did peek though when Stanley's head was out, he couldn't resist.

If I'm honest I dont understand why a woman would worry about her partner seeing whats going on down there when you have a baby its the most important moment of your lives and you dont want them to see? I dont get it, its not gross its not embarrassing no not even if you poop. Its the most amazing thing you will both ever be privileged enough to be part of.

My ideal birth partner would have been in there telling me how the head was progressing, helping support me while we both felt the head descend and then us both doing the catching without a MW getting in the way. 

Meh needless to say hubby wouldn't do that if you paid him, he is not in tune with what birth is about at all. 

He wasnt and isnt grossed out that I pooped in the ambulance or that he saw a baby come out of my foof, he was just just incredibly glad to be there, He couldnt bring himself to come the theatre with me for my EMCS so we both missed out on giving birth last time.


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## mummykcc

I didn't really think about this before we had our son-didn't even discuss it to be honest. 

When the time came-he didn't have his head down there looking but was at my side and watched as the baby came out then cut the cord. 

I'm not against him watching this time around, but it's up to him if he wants to or not-there's no pressure either way.


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## Sunshine12

I was at the "goal end" when my sister gave birth. Her husband wasnt.

I can safely say there is not a chance in hell that my OH is going to that end. 

She poo'd, she had loads of discharge stuff, she was cut, her bits were swollen, she was bleeding, there was goooey stuff everywhere. It looked absolutely awful and I know for a fact that if my OH saw it he would be scarred for life. 

Each to their own but my OH is not looking at or going near my foof whilst Im in labour. No way Jose!!


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## Roxie

i wouldnt have cared less about which end my oh was at belongs he was there lol


i think i pooed myself when pushing, he says i didnt but i think he just says that so i dont feel embarassed
:haha:


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## babyhopes2010

i thought the same and dh wasnt going down that end.he did :haha: and he said it was amazing and hasnt put him off.

and as far as the poo goes.u WONT care :haha: trust me when pushing baby out thats the last thing u worry about!


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## lynnikins

my OH was under strict orders not to "go down there" with ds1 but when the time came there were so many faces staring back at me from between my legs i dont even remember him lol i believe he was standing looking over my leg, with ds2 he was holding my leg ( i was on my side ) with my back pressed agaisnt his stomach he could have caught ds2 himself,
this time i dont care where he is i just want to be in the pool lol


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## kaths101

We both agreed that OH would stay at the head end but as it was things progressed so quickly that I gave birth kinda sitting up so he saw everything whether he wanted to or not and I didnt care! He saw the head crowning and eveything - actually one of things i do remember is looking up at OH and thinking I hope hes ok - he was looking rather pale :haha: I think the head was out by this point!


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## Sovereign

I wasn't really bothered tbh but OH is a bit squemish so he tended to stay up my end. Although he did have a look when the head crowned. He saw me down there afterwards and saaid it looked like a huge massive burger!!!! Lol x


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## x__amour

I'm hoping to have a VBAC next time and have decided if DH really wants to, I suppose he can. It's probably going to be the last child I have so it's a "once in a life time opportunity".


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## JackiePed

Oh, I thought so too, and DH agreed ( he's not a weepy, touchy-feely, 'giving birth is so amazing' kind of guy)...but when it came time, suddenly he was down there in the action...

and I didn't mind... in fact... hearing his voice (instead of some strange nurse) telling me, "Babe the head is out, you just need the shoulders!" was so incredibly focusing. 

He laughs and agrees that it looked like "a war zone" down there, but, well, he still wants me so... must not have been THAT scarring! :lol:


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## Kitten_x

I didn't want him seeing...he didn't want to see...in the throes of labour the midwives told him to move and in the process of moving he had to walk past the business end and saw everything. he was traumatised! i didnt care. life goes on  was a while before we dtd again though ha !


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## NaturalMomma

I personally would never tell my DH he couldn't watch his children be born. My DH watched both times, and caught our second child. With ds1 I gave birth in a hospital and DH held one of my legs while the nurse held the other. When ds1 started to crown he started to have tears in his eyes and it was incredibly emotional watching him see his son be born. It is a moment I will never forget. With ds2 we had a homebirth and DH help catch him. Again, another experience neither one of us will forget.

As for pooping, it happens. I pooped both times and with ds2 I literally pooped in DH's face since he was knealing behind me (I was standing/squating). It's not a big deal and DH and I have sex on a daily basis. Seeing our children be born brought him closer, seeing his wife bring his two sons into this world.


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## Beaney192

I always told him to stay up the top end but when it came to it i really didnt care! At one point when the midwife was out of the room i asked him to check if i had wet myself lol


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## socitycourty

I would probably want my Dh to stay by my head but honestly in the heat of the moment I probably won't care. I would more likely want my sister in with me because she would probably be more helpful.
In a related story, my MIL told me that my FIL passed out when my DH was being born. They had to bring him around with salts and bandage his head. LOL


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## sunshine20

OH is going to catch the baby :)


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## Eleanor ace

DH and I agreed he'd stay up by my head but when it came to it the midwife said "look Dad, there's the head" and told him to look so he did :haha:. he was a bit freaked out but also pretty mesmerized and it helped to have him tell me that he could see LO's head, that he had hair, and other things to help motivate me for pushing.


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## marycotter567

My OH saw everything... he said it wasnt too bad.


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## xxEMZxx

My OH did, it wasn't planned like that. He was behind me when I was pushing but then midwife asked if he wanted to see and I was too knackered to care either way lol, he said after he never thought he would want to see that but was glad he did and he hasn't been put off me at all x


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## Kel127

When I was pregnant with my first, I felt the same way. I said my husband would stay up by my head, and my mom couldn't be in the room ect. But when it comes down to it, you could give a damn who is in the room with you. I was begging for my mom to be there. My husband was holding my leg and watched everything. 
It didn't effect our sex life at all, we were back at it by 5 weeks later! It brought us closer. Watching me bring our son into world, made him see me as even more amazing, and made him fall even more in love with me. 
Don't underestimate your OH's love, if they loved you and wanted you before, they will love, and want you just as much afterwards.


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## RoxyRoo

My husband had a look when she was crowning. He said afterwards that it looked pretty painful :haha:


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## catcatcat

Didnt put my oh off sex, most men cant really be put off. My oh will never forget the expression on my daughters face as head popped out its the same one she has now when shes not sure about something. Wish i had seen it, x


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## babyhopes2010

DH was sure he wasnt going to look but he did.he said it 'intersting' :haha: and never thought my loolaa could stretch like that ouchy! :haha: but said it was amazing when her head come out. 

i thought the same things as you but now iv had a baby i can honestly answer these questions

1. I might go to the bathroom while pushing.

So what! you wont care trust me!and mw will clean it up without u or ur oh knowing

2. I think it might put him off sex forever to see w

it doesnt :haha: its a beautiful momment


3. I feel like I need to be comforted and he needs to be near the top of the bed for that.
there isnt a huge distance from the top and bottom end

4. I'm not freak show or circus exhibition.

you wont care :haha:


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## shinona

For me, it was a big no no having dh at the business end and he wasn't particularly keen on looking.

One of our friends, who also has a son, didn't look either with his wife and said that someone had described being at the business end "like watching your favourite pub burn down"!!! That made me laugh. :haha:


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## tinkerbelle93

shinona said:


> For me, it was a big no no having dh at the business end and he wasn't particularly keen on looking.
> 
> One of our friends, who also has a son, didn't look either with his wife and said that someone had described being at the business end "like watching your favourite pub burn down"!!! That made me laugh. :haha:

I've heard that one before too.. 'watching your wife give birth is like watching your favourite pub burn down- they'll do it up but things will never be the same' OH said this and I was not impressed! xx


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## youngmummy94

OH was holding my hand but because my legs were being held up he saw everything. He didn't seem to care much TBH :shrug: He also is definitely not turned off sex. He said I did er, go to the toilet but he didn't care at the time. I never wanted him down there but at the time I couldn't care less.


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## nikkchikk

Our plan is to have my DH assist delivering :) I always thought I would need to have him up at my side holding my hand, but I feel like it would be more special for us if he was a part of it in some way other than 'coach'. My brother in law actually changed my mind when he said watching his son being born was the most special thing he's ever seen. It didn't make his wife look any different to him, in fact, it made him love her even more by seeing what she had to go through! 

We had a talk with my OB to get his opinion and he is comfortable with Danny assisting as long as everything is going normally. I don't think he would have allowed it if Danny was not a trained paramedic. The doc will still be down in the end zone making sure she comes out right, but Danny will be able to deliver her the rest of the way :) 

I feel like I should be more skeeved at DH seeing my lady bits when they are in far from perfect condition, but I'm just not. And he has said many times that blood and gore doesn't bother him. In his career he's seen many deliveries!


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## emilyjade

he didnt 1st time around but did the 2nd :)


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## AP

He did both times, not for long the first time as he wasn't even allowed near me for support (risk of infection )
I always said don't ever- but he did, an I don't mind. He insists there's no way it put him off and was a "good experience" ykwim?


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## nikkchikk

Just an update, my DH ended up assisting in the delivery and it was WONDERFUL! One of the best decisions we've ever made! Looking back at the pictures makes me misty, even now!


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## naitken

I told me Husband not to look down there, but in the 'heat of the moment', he was holding my leg back and saw everything anyhow!


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## Roxie

when our son was born the midwife said tyo my oh to get the camera out because our sons head was out, but his phone was off so he couldnt take a picture in time, i didnt care what end he was at.

but he was at my head holding my hand untill our son starting crowning and coming out, i didnt mind he said afterwards that it was weird looking, but i know it hasnt put him off as he wont leave me alone lol


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## cassarita

My Husband will probably stay up by my head. Maybe he will take a look but I doubt it because he's a chicken shit.


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## Jai_Jai

I am leaving it up to him, last time he had a peak when her head was out and watched her be born - most Men have a look it is completely different to a sexual thing and they will not relate the two in their mind - if I could watch my baby entering the world I sooo would!! :)


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## Mummy2B21

before i had son my OH didnt want to see because well i odnt know why he just didnt want to see it lol, I cant actually remember if he caught a glimpse or not ill have to ask him . But if he did it certainly hasnt put him off sex lol


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## shinona

An update from me - after being anti him being at the business end, dh saw everything this time and at the time, I couldn't have cared less. I still don't mind and am pleased that he saw his daughter being born.

x


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## Photojessy

My OH kept walking down to have a look as midwives kept egging him on to do so! I didn't even care tbh it was the last thing on my mind. He's not been put off in any way, I wouldn't worry about it.


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## 2plusme

My OH watched everything - (and i mean everything lol stitches the lot) - and it aint put him off - were expecting baby number 3! TBH you probably wont give a care who is watching where coz all you will be wanting is baby out! I would rather him down that end coz him telling me that "its gonna be ok, will be over soon" just really wound me up so much i could have punched him lol xx


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## mummyb1

I wouldn't mind if OH looked down there but he's a fainter so I think it's best he doesn't incase he ends up on the floor! :haha:


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## tucker07

my oh said he didnt want to watch isaac coming out or any of that. he can be squimish but he ended up watching him come out even the placenta and was fine! he was telling me when lo head was coming out! and he isnt turned off. :)


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## 060509.x

My OH said through my pregnancy that he wouldn't look, but when it came to it he did! Although when the midwife asked I screamed no, so he stopped and then I said he can look if I haven't pooed! :haha: I don't think it's put him off sex or anything but I'll have to wait and see for that, it's only been 2 weeks!


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