# Opening up, bigtime, probably gonna get hated for it...



## LoisP

When I was younger, a few years younger, think I was about 14/15, I started seeing my best friend of a few years. One night, we slept together. It was a huge mistake, and he stopped talking to me afterwards, and then I found out he was still going out with who I thought was his ex, and also found out he was seeing the girl in the flat above him who already had a little girl. I was heartbroken, he was my best friend of about 5 years, he'd been there for me through so many horrible things, we were so close. Well after I slept with him, he cut contact, me and his girlfriend who I thought was his ex started talking and she broke him with him too. Girl upstairs, we didn't know, so never managed to tell her what he was like either. Then I found out I was pregnant. With his baby. I told him, and he called me a slag, told me it could be anyones baby (A total lie, he was the only one i'd slept with) and that he'd want nothing to do with it. I had a complete break down. I had no-one to talk to, I knew my parents would KILL me if they found out, and I confided in a girl who lived near me who advised me to get a termination. So I did :cry: I asked for his support, for him to at least be there for me. He didn't turn up to the hospital, so I went through with it. I was on my own, scared, didn't know what to do, no-one to turn to and hurt. I was about 4 weeks into my pregnancy when this happened. I never heard from him again. I went into depression, crazy drinking, all day and all night. I couldn't live with myself after what i'd done. And then, I got an email, that the girl upstairs from him, was pregnant. With his baby. And they was keeping it, happy and excited for it's arrival. And I've just found out now, that the baby is here, a little boy... I feel devastated at what I done. It haunts me every day of my life. But what hurts the most, is that he didn't want our baby. He didn't want anything to do with me, or the baby. I know I have Shaun now, but I hurt so deep down that I wasn't strong enough to go through with my pregnancy. Just wanted to get it off my chest to be honest. I'm so down about it all. I know alot of you will hate me for what I done, and this thread might even get locked for discussing the terminations, but I just needed to get it out...


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## vinteenage

Oh honey, you won't get any hatred from me. Just lots of hugs. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## ~RedLily~

I'm on my phone atm so can't really comment but :hugs::hugs: xx


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## LoisP

I'm just so tempted to email him or something... I shouldn't, and I wont, but I want to. Can't stop looking at the pictures of the baby :( I HATE HIM, but It's like looking at what would of been, you know?


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## nicole_

ive had a previous termination too when i was 15 
i know how you feel completely. 
its the worst thing imaginable and i regretted it the moment i woke up. the horrible empty feeling and over-helming guilt :( looking at aidy makes me feel even worse as i just think what could have been 
dont know what to say about the guy as my situation was different but hard as it is id probably say to let the past be that with him as i guess you wont really gain anything but probably be more hurt?


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## jen1604

:hugs: :hugs: 

This thread might get deleted/locked because were not allowed to talk about abortion on here but just wanted to leave some hugs and sympathy, that must be so incredibly hard xxxx


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## amygwen

I'm sorry Lois :hugs: that must be really difficult to deal with. :hugs:


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## KaceysMummy

Aw hun :hugs: :hugs: 
Just try and look at like, if you had had that baby maybe you would have been more 'careful' in the future and wouldn't have had Shaun, iykwim? 
I know that doesn't really help much, but try to think positively. 
I could imagine what you've had to go trough, here if you ever need to talk. xxx


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## AriannasMama

:hugs: no hatred here.


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## LoisP

55 views? Well thanks to anyone that replied, seriously it means alot. If anyone has anything to say to me (negative) feel free to say It so I know how you feel about me rather than thinking everyone is still ok with me...


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## BlackBerry25

:hugs: :hugs:
So sad, hun. I don't know what to say, but I imagine that must be an extremely hard thing to go through.


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## vinteenage

It marks repeat views, too, Lois. :flower: I've been popping back in to see whats been said!

Also, if the thread does get locked, perhaps you can request to be in the "Ethical Loss" section and post a thread? I'd imagined there'd be no problem speaking about it there. :)


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## x_ellen

I know I shouldn't be here, as I'm only pregnant. But I just wanted to say that although you feel upset at the moment, it was probably the best thing to do however hard that is to admit.. just think about it differently, you've got Shaun now (who is gorgeous, may I add!).. and that may never have happened if you hadn't terminated your previous pregnancy! 
I'm sure no one hates you, must have been terrible to go through! :flower: xx


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## TigerLady

You don't deserve to be hated for what happened. Not by anyone... and certainly not by yourself. It might have been a mistake and will remain a regret. But we all have those of some kind or another. What's done is done. I hope you learn to forgive yourself. :hugs:


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## MissFoley

i'm sure no one will hate you, i had a termanation around 15/16 because of certain reasons. i still regret it to this day but you now have little shaun and that little baby will be looking down on you knowing you did what was best for both of yous 

sending you some hugs :hugs: xxx


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## rainbows_x

:hugs:


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## abbSTAR

:hugs: kinda know how you feel I was pregnant before and the guy didn't want to know but I lost the baby anyway.. This is when FOB and me got close and oh look he left to boys are asshole sometimes!

Look at Shaun and keep smiling :hugs:


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## mayb_baby

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Hope your OK sweetie, my friend had a termination due to not being ready and her partner was a dick. No hard feelings babe keep your chin up and be thankful for what youv got, everything happens for a reason. 
Massive:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## TwilightAgain

:hugs:

If you had of kept your first child, you may not have your gorgeous little one now. Please don't dwell on the past too much because you can't change it, you've nothing to gain from dwelling on it apart from misery. I'm sure you did what you thought best at the time. Hope you're ok :hugs:


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## _laura

:hugs: Lois I'm here if you want to chat. 
I know how hard it must be (well I've not been there but looking at Max and thinking what if) but you are in a better place now. You have Shaun, Ben and all your family. 
Going and sending him an email won't help the situation or make it go away.
:hugs: :hugs :hugs:
keep your chin up and focus on Shaun. He's a beautiful boy.
Lots of hugs and love.
xxxxx


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## divershona

Lois i think a fair few of us have been in the situation that you have been in (including me) so don't worry too much about anyone hating you. If you had kept that baby then you wouldn't have Shaun now, and you never know, having that baby might have been the worst decision you ever made and you wouldn't be as strong a mum as you are now with Shaun. You're older and wiser now than you were at 15 which can only make you a better mum! 

Big hugs hunny :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## stephx

:hugs: x


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## Lucy22

No hatred from me, were not here to judge you, were here for support!
I'm really sorry you had to go through that, its such a horrible thing to happen.
Lots of hugs coming your way :hugs: :hugs: :flower: xxx


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## MommyGrim

:hugs:


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## annawrigley

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## LoisP

Thank you girls, I don't know why I ever doubted you that you girls wouldn't be lovely and supportive :flower:


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## annawrigley

When I read the title I thought this was gonna be a "what I REALLy think about you all ;)" thread :rofl:

Chin up chuckles xx


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## bbyno1

No one on here is going to think any less of you:hugs: :hugs: of course not! All i can say is look into the future:hugs:


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## abbSTAR

I did to^


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## x__amour

Ah, Lois. I could never hate you! You're far too much of a wonderful person! I'm so so so sorry you had to go through this but look at where you're at now! You've got a BEAUTIFUL son, a loving boyfriend and all of us to support you every step of the way! We're always here for you! Lots of hugs hon!

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## _laura

annawrigley said:


> When I read the title I thought this was gonna be a "what I REALLy think about you all ;)" thread :rofl:
> 
> Chin up chuckles xx

Yeah! I thought that too :) x


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## vhal_x

:hugs: That's so sad hun, but as the other girls have said, if you hadn't done what you did, maybe you wouldn't have had gorgeous little Shaun, life could've been so different, but not necessarily in a good way, so keep your chin up and your head held high, I wouldn't bother emailing him if I were you hun, it may cause you more hassle than it's worth :hugs: 

Big, big hugs to you Lois :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: xxx


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## Hotbump

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## KateyCakes

:hugs: x


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## QuintinsMommy

:hugs: my best friend got pregnant and had the same outcome, she regrets it alot and I have spent alot of time listening to her :( no one will hate you for that. we ALL make mistakes.


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## rockys-mumma

:hugs: :hugs: and as for all the views, the title sounds like juicy bitchy gossip and when people see its all deep stuff they R&R :roll: :haha:

:hugs: :hugs: Lois!! xxx


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## Rhio92

:hugs:


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## MissMamma

awh honey! How could you think anyone would hate you?! You were in a horrible situation, probably a horrible place mentally and you'll get no hate from me just even more love, hugs and kisses to make you all better :hugs: :kiss:

Look at what you have now and how amazing your life is, you are an amazing mummy with the perfect little family. You may not have had this if you had one through with your first pregnancy. And to be completely honest, that man is a wanker and you're much better off without someone like him in your life. Dont be sad :hugs:


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## MadamRose

:hugs: hun he sounds like a right arse dont contact back your better than that


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## Char.due.jan

So sorry Hun.. I nearly had a termination when I found out I was pregnant and it eats away at me everyday when I look at Luke because I very nearly went through with it, I know it's not the same but sending big hugs :hugs: xx


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## Callie-xoxox

We love youu! No negativity here!
<3 <3 <3 <3


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## holly2234

:hugs:


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## fantastica

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Leah_xx

Oh Hun!!
:hugs:
No negativity here from us


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## bump_wanted

Crashin here but...

You made the right decision for you at the time hun, im sure after having a LO it would bring back Memories and then for that asshole to go on and have a baby must make it worse but you cant beat yourself up over it put him out your head dont email him ir anything you will only feel worse the best revenge you can get is moving on xxx


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## 17thy

I'll be completely honest with you I don't think terminating was the right thing to do the first time. I would have stuck it up his ass if it were me. You gave him exactly what he wanted. But I am glad that you realize that it was probably not the best choice. 

And I can't imagine the hurt you must feel now that he has another baby and was happy and accepted that one. Anyone would be hurt by that.


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## Mei190

:hugs:
Difficult subjects like this make it hard for me to put into words what I want to say but I am not doing a R&R! 

No negativity here, look at what you have today!


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## x__amour

Some extra hugs.
:hugs:


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## laura1991

Noone will hate you, it must have been a horrible situation to be in :hugs:


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## kittycat18

I am popping over from Teenage Pregnancy and seen this thread and didn't want to read and run :hugs: I don't personally know you but have seen you post on this section of the forum and you seem like a lovely young woman.

Everyone makes decisions based on what is best for them at that particular time in their lives. We all do it and some of us make the wrong decision but at the end of the day, we are all human and we all make mistakes :hugs: I am very sorry to hear what you have come through but it sounds as if it was the best decision for you at the time. I am completely against abortion but you were only young, you were scared, you had no support and it just wasn't the right time to be bringing a beautiful life into this world. Chin up hunni, you have a gorgeous son and just remember what I said- everyone makes mistakes :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: xoxoxoxoxo


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## Marzipan_girl

I don't think she does think she did the right thing. Shes not exactly saying she did somthing fantastic is she? But theres absolutey no hatred here for it. Everyone makes mistakes, and that must have been a horrible situation to be in. I'm very sorry you had to go through that and I hope you can forgive yourself for it. Thinking of you :hugs:


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## Strawberrymum

:hugs: no judgment. hope you feel better soon. Just remember that sometimes good things fall apart so amazing things can happen. If you had the first maybe you wouldn't have had your son.


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## LoisP

Thank you everyone. :hugs: Glad I have such an amazing support network with you all :flower:


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## xx~Lor~xx

:hugs: Like near enough everyone's said, people make mistakes. At that point in time you didnt feel like you were old ernough, strong enough, supported enough, whatever, to become a mum just then. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for you to make back then..


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## chrissy&marty

xx~Lor~xx said:


> :hugs: Like near enough everyone's said, people make mistakes. At that point in time you didnt feel like you were old ernough, strong enough, supported enough, whatever, to become a mum just then. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for you to make back then..

i agree with this - could u have coped now u know how hard it is

big huge HUGS :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

i think u r such a strong person to have gone through this - and the lads sounds like a twat - dont waste ur thoughts on him x


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## 112110

:hugs:


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## lauram_92

:hugs:

_'Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, thats their fault.'_

^ some random quote i memorised.. :hugs:


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## lucy_x

:hugs: x x x x


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## Calsmommy

hun i dont think you will be hated :hugs:


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## Nervousmomtob

I'm crashing sections too 
I honestly don't know what to say that hasn't already been said Hun but no negativity here either just lots and lots of :hugs: I'm sorry your feeling so upset. I'm here to talk to if you need it :hugs: 

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Croc-O-Dile

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I'm so sorry hon. I can't even imagine. Like the girls said, everybody makes mistakes in life, but you don't deserve to be hated for it.

I had a m/c at 14 and never told a soul until this past November and I actually came out about it on BnB. I managed to drowned my guilt (I was highly anorexic at the time and on quite a lot of drugs, so I've always blamed myself) with different self destructive things. Then I had Livi. Having her made me realize what I lost and it was almost as hard as the actual miscarriage was. Before her I didn't know exactly what it was I lost, I knew it was my baby, but I didn't have anything to compare it to, so in a way it was easier before, kwim?

I can't imagine having a termination and then finding out later on that he was happily having another baby with another girl. :(


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## lily123

:hugs: No negativity from me babe. You were so young hun and had no support from anyone, it must have felt like your only option, and i can't even imagine how hard that must have been :hugs: you know where i am if you need a chat xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## emerton24

I can't imagine why anyone would hate you or express negativity about this. You deserve support and nothing else. By the way, your son is beautiful!


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## xKARENxBABYx

i deffo don't hate you. if i was in the same suitation no support i would have done the same sorry that you didn't have support. forgive you're self hun xx


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## Siyren

im crashing sections too!
no negativity here hun, tbh seems like the only judgement on this thread is coming from you!- you made the best choice you could at the time, and i know it must be so painful- but you need to forgive yourself and focus on that gorgeous little man you have now.
hope its ok that i replied x


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