# stillborn true knot***UPDATE #2***



## hedgewitch

i am heartbroken. many of you will know my story of 17 losses due to graves disease and then a successful pregnancy. well at 34 weeks my baby died yesterday from a true knot and having the umbilical cord around her neck and strangulation. i am so lost and do not know what to do.
i had a scan yesterday AM and everything was fine but baby died at about 4.30pm. she had a seizure due to the lack of oxygen. i have been given a tablet to induce labour and sent home till tomorrow, although i so wanted a natural birth they refused and booked me in for a c-section on 6th august but now i am able to have one. it feels so cruel. i am now waiting for labour to start and do not know how i am meant to deliver her knowing she is not alive. are there any of you who have been through this and can help me get my head around this?


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## natasja32

Oh sweetheart your post has made me so sad. Im so sorry that you have to go through this.:cry: My baby was born sleeping at 36.4 weeks due to placental abruption. I went into labour without having to take anything. I dont really know what to say hunny. My heart is breaking for you. I gave birth to my little boy,i cuddled him and kissed him. Told him how much we loved him and wanted him. We took loads of photographs,which im glad about.Not sure if this is something you would want to do,as not everybody does. I wish i could make it better for you sweetie. PM me if you ever want to talk sweetie. Im so sorry.:hugs::hugs:


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## Truman

I am so sorry, Im so sorry that you have to go through this. I dont really know what to say. My heart heart goes out to you. I too wish i could make it better for you I am so so sorry.


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## orange-sox

Hun, I am so incredibly sorry for all of your losses :hugs:

I can't even get the words out to tell you how much my heart breaks for you right now :cry:


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## jess_smurf

I am so sorry. my boy died on 4th july 2009 as no heartbeat found.

I delivered him on 7th july 2009 and i stayed in hospital until and after delivery. it was hard to give birth to my baby that i knew had died and instantly wanted a section. but it was for the best for future babies. It was hard but it was all worth it my recovery was rapid. 

A few reminders when your baby arrives, this can be hard but stuff you need to know and glad I was told 

-their lips will go a very bright red 
- the skin will blister and be very delicate 
- take photos very quickly and loads of them
- take a plain sleep suit that is soft and easy to put on and a hat 
- spend as much time as you want with them and do not leave them if you're not ready 

I know it hard to give birth but the feeling afterward was amazing, i was on such a high holding him I was so proud of him. I didnt once cry with him i just held him it was amazing. Its so hard and i am still feeling the pain of it all now. its raw as the day they told me 

all my love x x


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## hedgewitch

i just do not know how i am meant to get through the next few days.


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## LaDY

:hugs: Im so sorry for your loss hun xxx


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## Jkelmum

:hugs: I am so very sorry and no words will ever be enough ...you will find the strength to get through these nxt few days xxx


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## jess_smurf

you dont its still all a blur to me 

my mum said to me do not put me through what your going through, she was petrified i would harm myself, and to be honest sometimes i feel like i dont want to be here but cant put my family through the pain 

you find everyday and everything an effort. i dont know how i have got through this last week if it wasnt for my family. i still cant hold it together i am a complete and utter mess.

each day get slightly better then somethings will set you off. i got to the point where i have cried so much i dont think i could cry anymore, but then i cry again. 

no one can say anything to make it better atm 

x x x


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## v2007

Im so sorry for you loss. 

My daughter also died from getting her cord around her neck. 

She was born sleeping, it was by far the hardest thing i have ever had to do. 

The last few minutes of my labour, i really did pray to every God up there that she would cry and she didnt. 

I was also booked for a section but delivered natrually in the end. 

I dont know what to say apart from hold her for as long you can, memorise every inch of her body, take millions of pics, hand and footprints and locks of her hair. 

Her skin will be very fragile because of the amniotic fluid, her nose may bleed, her eyelids may have skin missing, other parts of her skin maybe missing near her wrists or chin, the water does this. 

Sending you loads of :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

V xxxxx


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## Eoz

OMG I have just started crying.To think I was only writing to you a few weeks ago about how proud I was to hear your such happy news,Then to hear this.Oh my poor darling,my heart is breaking for you.I am shocked.If you ever need a friend you know where to find me xxxx


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## hedgewitch

jess_smurf did you have the tablet to induce labour? if so how long does it take? i am starting to have mild pains now but the midwife says the delivery will be quick.


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## charliebear

I just wanted to send :hugs: your way.


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## elainegee

i have never experienced a loss but i had to leave a comment to say how sorry i am to hear your beautiful, much wanted i am sure, wee girl has died... My heart truly goes out to you and i hope you somehow find a little strength to get through the next few days and beyond xxxx


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## hedgewitch

i have told my older two children aged 15 and 14 but not my 11 half year old, she was born early 29 weeks and had special needs and so is not as mature as she should be for her age. i do not know how to tell her as she has been looking forward to her baby sister coming and picked her coming home outfit out etc. i feel awful that i haven't said anything but do not know how to handle her reaction at the minute. how do i explain that this has happened? we have put her(babies) cot up and the cradle and spent the other night washing all her clothes. how do i now tell her what has happened? and when should i tell her? its her last day of school tomorrow and i do not want to destroy her world. she struggled to adjust to the fact she was no longer going to be the baby of the family and now this. my husband is devastated as this is his first biological child(apart from the 17 m/c) although he will not differentiate between the others and never has done but i know this is ripping him apart. he had booked his paternity leave the afternoon the baby passed away (yesterday) we had been talking that day about how excited he was. it is so hard to see his pain and he has been crying so much.
my eldest is handling it well but she always has been strong but my son, 14 refuses to talk about it. he won't even make eye contact with me. they were all so excited about the arrival of their sister. i have encouraged them to spend time with their friends if they wish so as to not make them feel so terrible. my son has stayed out and my daughter has a friend staying over here tonight. i do not know if i am addressing this the right way with them.


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## borntobeamum

I am so so sorry, I have no words for you other than I am truely sorry.

My angel was born at just 18 weeks, and the only thing I would say is like so many other girls, take pictures lots and lots of pictures, take ones of you and your loved ones holding her if you can, hold her close for as long as you possibly can.

Leaving her behind will be so hard, but she will always be with you, in your heart and in your thoughts.

I am so sorry.xxx:hugs:


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## catfromaus

I know there is absolutely nothing I can say. Your story is heartbreaking. This should never happen. I'm so sorry.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Cat
xxx


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## RobenR

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's a terrible tragedy. I am so sorry.


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## wishing4bub#3

Massive hugs to you and your family.


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## meldmac

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost my little angel at 36.4 weeks 5 weeks ago. I was induced but not by a pill by an IV. After I was induced it went quickly. It was very hard but somehow you will get through it. Do whatever you need to do to get through this whether it is yell, cry or just talk. Everyone copes differently. Sending you lots of :hugs:


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## Tasha

Oh sweetie I am so sorry, I have just seen this. My daughter was born sleeping 2 years ago due to medical negligence at 36+6 days. 

We found out via scan, and then I had to have loads of bloods taken and then take some tablets an hour after that I went home, I had to return the next morning, and eventually they came and gave me an internal tablet, an hour after that I had my first contraction and just 45 minutes later Honey was born silently into the world.

You are doing the best you can for your children so yes you are doing things in the right way, it sounds like you are letting them deal with it however they need to.

If you have any questions of just need to talk message me. Much love and hugs hun, I will be thinking of you all x


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## ellen21

hi sweetie your post have made me really sad i can't even imagine how u will handle all this :cry: i know its every difficult my heart and mind are with you take good care of ur self:hugs:


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## MrsP

Oh my. I am lost for words. I am truely sorry for the loss of your baby girl and my thoughts are with you and your family. x


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## lauraperrysan

I am so so sorry to hear your news. I am crying so much reading your post. I can't believe how life can be so cruel. I only read your post a few weeks ago about your success and know a freak accident has shattered your hopes and dreams. May your angel RIP and may you have lots of support from those around you and please if ever you need to talk we are always here on b and b 
xxx


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## ramblinhaggis

So very sorry :( wishing you every strength to get through today xxx


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## hedgewitch

thankyou to everyone. your support is overwhelming. i am having pains now but still no sign of delivering her as of yet. i am angry today and hate myself for feeling that way, i thinks its normal to feel this way but not sure.


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## jess_smurf

i blame myself every day 

i am gutted i lost him, he was perfect in everyway. didnt feel sad when i held him i couldnt stop smiling at him. he made me so proud 

everyday i run it over in my head how much i miss how i could of saved him and why o why has this happened to me with all those women out there abusing their unborn babies it makes me sick.


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## sezzlebum

thinking of you hun, so sorry this happened to you xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## mordino

oh my...I am very sorry for your loss. SO heartbreaking.


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## Jem

I am so so sorry for your loss xxx


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## Jamaicabride

Oh my heart goes out to all of you who have suffered, it is so hard losing your baby so near to term, I feel inadquate compared to you, am currently going through a mmc & waiting for my lo to come out.

My prayers are with you & your babes in Heaven

Sarah x


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## T'elle

:hugs: hun im so so sorry you are going through this i really am, i read your story about 17 angels and was so touched by it and its definatley given me hope!! im so sorry and words cant describe what u are going through right now...i just hope u are not alone and have your family and friends giving you all the support you need! 
lots of love, thoughts are with u xxx


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## pinkmac85

So very sorry to hear of your losses!! You and your family are in my thoughts :hugs:


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## AS1

So so sorry for your loss - I just read your story the other day on the recurrent mc thread and was thinking how great it was after all your heartache. I am crying reading this now it is heartbreaking.....I really am lost for words......xxxx


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## Sparklestar

I am so so sorry to hear this news, this thread has made me cry. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, but you will find the strength to get through this from somewhere. My thoughts are with you. xxx


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## milkmachine

what your feeling is normal, when i had my daughter at 29weeks i was induced via oral tablets i was given these over two days and on the third day i went to the delivery ward to have prostin. my daughters skin was fragile and her nose bled. take as many photos as you can... i dont have to many of my sky and i aways wish i had taken more. 

i was so proud when i gave birth dont feel that its wrong to feel happy and accomplished because you have still created something beautiful. 

make sure you have someone very supportive with you and don leave the hospital untill you are 100% ready. 

i also suggest having the baby home the night before the funeral so that everyone can say their goodbyes privately 

feel free to message me.

i hope you find some peace.


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## BrookieG

i cant even begin to imagine what your going thru...thoughts and prayers are with u and ur family...xxx


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## hedgewitch

UPDATE
i am now home and delivered my baby yesterday at 8.35pm. she is beautiful. when she was delivered she was stuck as she had the cord around her neck 2.5 times then it was wrapped around her chest and under her arms. she also had hold of the rest of the cord. there were 2 tight knots in the cord also. they had caused her to have seizures for the last few weeks and then finally when she tried to engage the knots pulled tight.
my DH cut the cord from around her neck and helped to deliver her. we then spent the night with her after dressing her. we held her and cried and smiled at her pretty face and perfect little features. we have now left her at the hospital but are going back to see her tomorrow and to arrange her cremation.
i would just like to thank all of you for your support and kind words, they mean alot, xx


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## lauraperrysan

Oh hedgewitch, i cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling. You sound so brave and strong in your post. Your little girl will be looking down over you and your family forever looking out for you all. God bless and may she play in heaven until one day you meet again....but not too soon!
xxx


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## priddy

My thoughts are with you honey. Having been through the same thing, as have so many others we all appreciate that your world is completely upside down at present and it is hard to know what to do with yourself. Just remember as this beautiful little girl was obviously to good for this world she will be a perfect little angel watching over you and all your family forever xxxx.


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## hedgewitch

thats what i said to my husband, she was too perfect for this world which is why the angels took her back,xx


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## lauraperrysan

You are right, she is too special and precious for this world. God only takes the best. So sad but she is safe up there..... You are an inspiration to all of us, you have prooved there is always hope and to never give up. You are truely a strong woman and a fighter. 

Also, if you just add ***Updated*** to the title of your first post everyone will know you have updated and had your little angel to offer their support. Sometimes updates are missed if we dont change the title. Sorry, prob the last thing you want to do do right know but just want you to receive lots of suppport from the ladies (and men!) on here 
God bless
xxx


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## MummyCarly

Im sorry for your loss hugs from me I cannot imagine the pain you have gone through. Keep your chin up hun we are all here for you. 

xoxo


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## hedgewitch

i have been to register her birth and death today. it was one of the hardest things i have ever had to do. i have also been to see my "little piglet" in the chapel of rest, she is truly beautiful. i sat and held her for a long time and took lots of photos of her. we will be arranging her cremation tomorrow and will have a date given to us tomorrow, in some ways it feels like it is too soon and i don't want her to go but i know that is for my own selfish reasons, but at the same time i want her to be able to rest in peace. 
the midwives have all been amazing and have all been to see her at the chapel of rest, one even took clean clothes and asked could they dress her for us. they know we have given her the nickname "little piglet" and when we arrived at the chapel of rest today there was a little piglet soft toy rattle in the moses basket which had been bought personally by one of the midwives. they have asked today if they could come to the memorial service. there are about 6 of them which has completely amazed me as to how caring and kind they have all been. above and beyond the call of duty. i would like to do something nice to thank them so would be grateful for any ideas.
we are coping well, each day is a struggle but it is getting better. it has helped to see her and we talk about her all the time. we have photos of her too which really helps. the support from the midwives has definately helped us. it will take time to be able to function on a day to day basis but we will be ok, i know that now,xxx


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## princess_bump

words cannot express how sorry i am for your loss :hugs: you and your family are in my thoughts :hugs: xx


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## hedgewitch

Many thanks,xx


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## FEDup1981

Im so sorry for ur loss hun. Stay strong, we're all thinking of u xxxx :hugs: xxx


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## AlwaysPraying

Your incredibly strong during all this. I'm sorry your going through it, it's heartbreaking but will make you so much stronger for going through it. 

When I lost my boy I felt the need to thank everyone as well. I just wrote individual cards to each member of the staff and hand delivered them. It was nice being able to see them receive thanks and what surprised me is I think they were all relieved that I was doing as good as I was. I told them it was their careful and compassionate work that helped me to do so good through it. I'm not sure much else besides a simple "thank you" is really necessary, but I know anything you do will be appreciated.


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## Eoz

Hey darling xxxxx I am so so sad for you and your family.Your little girl sounds perfect.

As for the midwives maybe hold a boot sale and give the proceeds to the unit xxxxxxxxx


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## hedgewitch

thanks 4thbump thats a really good idea, i have plenty of stuff i could do that with. am also thinking of replacing their worn moses basket that they use for these situations but am not wanting to offend or have them think i thought it wasn't good enough as i was extremely grateful for the effort they made in making things as beautiful as possible


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## biteable

i think thats a lovely idea about the moses basket,your so brave and i just want you to know that im deeply sorry for your loss,im sure little piglet will be watching over you always realising what a lovely mum n dad she has


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## Delilah

I have read your post and am typing and crying at the same time. I am so sorry for your loss, I went through a mmc at 12+5 in February I cannot imagine how much harder your (and all the other ladies who have had to deal with delivering sleeping angels) must be. The moses basket is a lovely idea and I dont think you would offend. Take each day as it comes and please give yourself enough time to grieve. What is your daughter's name? ((((hugs))))


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## MummyClements

I couldnt stop crying when reading this.
I am so sorry for all of you brave women out there who have lost your LO.
I send you my love and hope that you all find light at the end of the tunnel.


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## hedgewitch

we named her Lilly-Maye catherine but her nickname is "Little Piglet"


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## hedgewitch

this post might upset as its about being at the funeral directors so please don't read if it will offend.

today was a hard day. i woke up in a bad way as i had dreamt about my Little piglet all night. about bringing her home and she was ok. today is the one week anniversary of her passing away so today is hard anyway but then i had to firstly arrange my darling daughter being transfered from the mortuary to the funeral directors and then the funeral directors rang me to arrange the service which is for tomorrow afternoon. then i had to liase with them and the crematorium for her cremation to take place on Friday morning. i have mixed feelings about this as i had to keep my composure whilst arranging everything but all the while i wanted to scream "NO NO, you cannot take her"
i understand i have to let her go but selfishly i want to keep her. this afternoon we then had to go back to the registrars office as they had forgotten to put the parents names on the release form for her cremation! then we went to see her. she was in a little white coffin with a pink lining and she looked like a little porcelain doll. she was beautiful. i was so taken aback with how at peace and how beautiful she looked. it gave me a real sense of peace. i held her for the last time and kissed her little face and then when it was time to go i tucked her in her "bed" to go to sleep. i arranged all her toys around her snuggled her into her blankets and gave her a kiss goodnight. i left feeling content at the same time as she died last week which was strange. her service is tomorrow and i am looking forward to releasing her spirit, to lay her to rest.
i am sorry if my post upsets anyone but i wanted to share my day, xx


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## Barneyboo

:hugs::hugs::hugs:I just cant find the words! :nope:

I am so sorry for the loss of (Lilly-Maye) such a beautiful name :cry:

I will be thinking of you and your DH tomorrow :hugs:x x x


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## AlwaysPraying

I think what you said was beautiful and your handling this really well. This may sound cheezy and you may not want to hear it, but your dream....I think it's true in a way. You are taking your baby home and she is well. Not on this earth as you had hoped, but in heaven, maybe that was something telling you she is ok now, she is at peace? 

I call these situations "impossibly hard". Impossible because it seems that there is no way we are supposed to get through it, and that it's not supposed to happen at all. and hard, because, well, it's hard. But you do get through, and you are getting through. Your doing so many great things for her and she sees that. I wish none of us has to go through this, it's heartbreaking, and I'm sorry for that.


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## Mrs G

Your story has moved me so much, you are such an incredibly strong woman. You have been dealt something so unfair and unjust but I know that your daughter would be so proud of you and the way you are being strong. I hope that today gave you some peace.

Thinking of you and your family

Kath xx


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## hedgewitch

it was lilly-mayes farewell service today and it was one of the most beautiful services i have ever seen, she is to be cremated in the morning. i will update the post tomorrow as i am too tired to do it at the moment, i was up all night last night and so have not slept since tuesday night, hope you all understand,xx


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## jess_smurf

all my love x x


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## Delilah

My thoughts are with you all and I hope your family are being supportive and helping you through this impossible time xxx


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## Angel2Fire

I have just been reading about your journey and am in tears. Life has been so unfair to you :(

My thoughts are with you *hugs*


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## hedgewitch

thankyou so much, i have posted a pic of her on the stillbirth forum if anyone would like to see her, thankyou all again, we miss her so much every minute of every day,xxx


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