# experience of young toddlers at home birth?



## BunnyN

Our girl will be 20 months when this one is born. We are planning on a home birth. We have family on had who live close and will be ready to take her when we want. Our plan is to have her around until I'm finding her too much or she is fed up and wanting entertaining and then call someone. My last labour was 38hrs altogether so if its another one like that I'm sure we will be wanting help with her but if things go much faster this time and having her there is working fine there is a posibility she will stay for the whole thing. 

I'm just looking for experience from anyone who has had such a young child at the birth, or during labour. How it went and any advice?


----------



## Hangin_On_AGS

I have no advice but I'm in the same boat dd will be 25 months and we are planning a home birth


----------



## BunnyN

Well I'll let you know how it goes for us :). The MW did say she has had children that age at the birth before. She seemed fine with it though she said it can be hard when they are too young to explain things to and dont understand about their mum being in pain. She seemed to think it was more likely she would sleep through the whole thing. I'm not convinced of that because even if this labour ends up half the length of the last one that is still almost 20hrs. I don't see me going from having a 38hr labour to having a 6hr one, but you never know :). I was quite calm through my last labour so I think that would help though I also liked my space so I don't know how I'll feel about having her around. I think I'll ask the MW more questions at our next apointment. On the day we will probably just see how it goes.


----------



## Kitten

I had my son in the house while I was in labour. He was exactly 2 (well, the next day!). My mum came to stay and looked after him upstairs while I laboured in the living room. I have to say, I wouldn't recommend it. Having the distraction of him being there and my mum coming to ask me questions about what time he ate etc. had my labour stopping and starting constantly as I was distracted and worrying and unable to focus. That said, my husband was away so if he had been the one looking after him it might have been a bit smoother as he would have just stayed out of my way and gotten on with it as it's his child and his home iykwim?

I'm planning for the childminder to have the kids this time, or friends, or failing that or if I go into labour on Christmas Day or something, then my friend has offered to come round and watch them upstairs and then my husband can be off attending to any problems!


----------



## BunnyN

I know I don't want anyone else there to look after her and I'm not going to want to be distracted myself which means it would be my husband who had to look after her. That might get old pretty quick as it will mean I won't be able to get so much support from him. Our family lives very close though so they can be there to pick her up in 5 mins any time we need. She is very lively and always on the move but she also is quite good at pottering around and entertaining herself playing with her toys and stuff as long as you keep an eye on her. She has gotten used to her dad looking after her because I spent a lot of time beeing too sick to at the beggining of the pregnancy. Infact she is a daddies girl and wants him to do everything with her when he is in the house so she will be happy with him seeing to her (though that could be the day she ends up wanting no one but mummy :) ). And then there is the TV which almost always keeps her quiet. I try not to use it as a baby sitter but I'm sure we will be doing that some during labour and the first weeks with a newborn. I have started a box of little presents for her which I plan to hand out to keep her busy starting when I go into labour and if there are any left they will be handy in the first weeks. It has things that I think will keep her busy for a while like crayons, a coloring book, sticker book, plastic animals, a little hand bag and jewlery box for her to play dressup etc.


----------



## MummyToAmberx

I havent done this yet, and my plans may go out the window. 

Looking back over my births, how i reacted, how i felt i knew i couldnt have my children present. I need my space, i need no distractions, with calm & quiet birthing area.

For those who different im sure it is an amazing thing for the whole family.


----------



## BunnyN

I do know what you mean about needing space and calm and quiet. I felt really strongly last time about not having people around who distracted me by fussing or asking questions etc or that I would feel uncomfortable infront of. I needed to be able and concentrate and feel free to do my thing without distractions. Most of the labour it was just me and OH. The MW was great about keeping a low profile once she was there. That's why I know for sure I don't want anyone else in the house to look after LO. I don't mind the idea of LO being there though. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable infront of her and as long as she is content and not being demanding having her potter around in the background would be fine. As soon as she gets fussy or starts jumping on me or something I'll be desperate to get rid of her! It didn't bother me when my husband and the MW were talking and doing things in the backgroud as long as I had my space so it would be fine having LO there in the background if she isn't getting under my feet. I'm more concerned that she will take too much of my husbands attention when I need him but I think that is just going to be a case of seeing what feels right on the day. I'm very fourtunate having family on call that live close.


----------



## Hangin_On_AGS

My fear with someone else taking my dd is she is very empathic. If someone is hurt or sick she has to be there and see what's going on and trying to comfort them. If you remove her from the situation she gets very out of sorts. As much as I know I need to not be distracted I think I would be very distracted if I heard her screaming because she wasn't allowed to be with me.


----------



## BunnyN

Hangin_On_AGS said:


> My fear with someone else taking my dd is she is very empathic. If someone is hurt or sick she has to be there and see what's going on and trying to comfort them. If you remove her from the situation she gets very out of sorts. As much as I know I need to not be distracted I think I would be very distracted if I heard her screaming because she wasn't allowed to be with me.

Have you thought about getting someone to take her out of the house before she knows there is anything going on? 

I have read other experiences where mums have 'practiced' labour before with their young kids, making noises and stuff so they don't get scared on the day.


----------



## BunnyN

sorry, double post


----------



## Mrs Cupcake

i couldnt do it. I had some contractions this morning and haveing my children around was really hard. I felt i couldnt relax, i was worried what they were up (being naughty etc) and i felt i didnt have my husbands full attention. and this was only for v minor early contractions never mind about the full blown labour!!

my contractions have now tailed off but as soon as they are established i will be having the children taken away by my home so i can home birth in peace.


----------



## BunnyN

I might feel the same way once labour actually starts, I think I'll just see how it goes.


----------



## lj2245

BunnyN said:


> Well I'll let you know how it goes for us :). The MW did say she has had children that age at the birth before. She seemed fine with it though she said it can be hard when they are too young to explain things to and dont understand about their mum being in pain. She seemed to think it was more likely she would sleep through the whole thing. I'm not convinced of that because even if this labour ends up half the length of the last one that is still almost 20hrs. I don't see me going from having a 38hr labour to having a 6hr one, but you never know :). I was quite calm through my last labour so I think that would help though I also liked my space so I don't know how I'll feel about having her around. I think I'll ask the MW more questions at our next apointment. On the day we will probably just see how it goes.

My first labour was 27 hours and my second was around 45 minutes, so it's entirely possible :)


----------



## BunnyN

lj2245 said:


> BunnyN said:
> 
> 
> Well I'll let you know how it goes for us :). The MW did say she has had children that age at the birth before. She seemed fine with it though she said it can be hard when they are too young to explain things to and dont understand about their mum being in pain. She seemed to think it was more likely she would sleep through the whole thing. I'm not convinced of that because even if this labour ends up half the length of the last one that is still almost 20hrs. I don't see me going from having a 38hr labour to having a 6hr one, but you never know :). I was quite calm through my last labour so I think that would help though I also liked my space so I don't know how I'll feel about having her around. I think I'll ask the MW more questions at our next apointment. On the day we will probably just see how it goes.
> 
> My first labour was 27 hours and my second was around 45 minutes, so it's entirely possible :)Click to expand...

lol, thats amazing! It must have been a bit of a shock! Any idea what made the difference?


----------



## lj2245

BunnyN said:


> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> BunnyN said:
> 
> 
> Well I'll let you know how it goes for us :). The MW did say she has had children that age at the birth before. She seemed fine with it though she said it can be hard when they are too young to explain things to and dont understand about their mum being in pain. She seemed to think it was more likely she would sleep through the whole thing. I'm not convinced of that because even if this labour ends up half the length of the last one that is still almost 20hrs. I don't see me going from having a 38hr labour to having a 6hr one, but you never know :). I was quite calm through my last labour so I think that would help though I also liked my space so I don't know how I'll feel about having her around. I think I'll ask the MW more questions at our next apointment. On the day we will probably just see how it goes.
> 
> My first labour was 27 hours and my second was around 45 minutes, so it's entirely possible :)Click to expand...
> 
> lol, thats amazing! It must have been a bit of a shock! Any idea what made the difference?Click to expand...

I honestly don't have a clue. I did pretty much the same things in labour, bouncing on my ball and walking lots. My first was 9lb 11oz and my 2nd was 8lb 11oz so may have something to do with it? It was a shock yeah lol. Midwife and husband were both telling me that the baby was coming and they could see his head and I refused to believe them. Was convinced I just needed to poo :haha:


----------



## Feronia

I plan to have my daughter at my home birth and she will be 26 months. I definitely don't want my husband dealing with her since I need him for support, so I'm having a close friend come over and manage her during the labour. We'll see if it works out!


----------



## BunnyN

Feronia said:


> I plan to have my daughter at my home birth and she will be 26 months. I definitely don't want my husband dealing with her since I need him for support, so I'm having a close friend come over and manage her during the labour. We'll see if it works out!

Wish you were ahead of me so you can let me know how it goes, lol. Everybody planning a hb with a toddle seems to be behind me. Last time I used my husband a lot for support, though I was on my own a quite a bit too and was fine with that. I just know I wouldn't be able to deal with anyone else there so it has to be OH looking after her, or if that doesn't work someone will take her out of the house.


----------



## lj2245

BunnyN said:


> Feronia said:
> 
> 
> I plan to have my daughter at my home birth and she will be 26 months. I definitely don't want my husband dealing with her since I need him for support, so I'm having a close friend come over and manage her during the labour. We'll see if it works out!
> 
> Wish you were ahead of me so you can let me know how it goes, lol. Everybody planning a hb with a toddle seems to be behind me. Last time I used my husband a lot for support, though I was on my own a quite a bit too and was fine with that. I just know I wouldn't be able to deal with anyone else there so it has to be OH looking after her, or if that doesn't work someone will take her out of the house.Click to expand...

We will likely have our sons with us when I'm in labour. We don't know exactly when it will happen or what time but we are thinking ideally it will happen when they are in bed lol. If not I'll ask my MIL to come and amuse them. My youngest is 19 months old. I'm not far ahead of you but we have had the pool up and let the kids get used to having it there. My youngest is way too young to understand what's going on right enough :)


----------



## BunnyN

Ahh, someone ahead of me, lol. We are pretty close though, I was 10 days over last time...

Our little girl pats my big tummy and says baby now but she doesn't really understand at all, lol.


----------



## MommyJogger

My son was 25 months and was at home with us when I had #2. I knew I didn't really want much of anyone messing with me for the most part and when I did want to be messed with, I wanted it to be my midwife, who I'm basically still in sister-love with (so I wanted my husband at a distance), so DS1 was mostly taken care of by him. He was interested in the labor while I was in the birthing pool and at the beginning, but his attention span is so short, he stopped paying attention to me about 20 minutes after I started making noise because it wasn't interesting anymore. He did ask if I was okay and we told him that mommy was going to make some big noises, but that I was just doing hard work, like when he grunts trying to move big rocks, and that I was okay and he accepted it easily. My first labor was very very long and my second one was quite short. I think the difference between them was that my second was ready to come (I was overdue) and my first was not (almost on my due date, but my waters broke and I was chemically augmented). The positioning of #2 throughout my entire pregnancy was pretty ideal, I'd been doing positioning and prep exercises the whole pregnancy, and I was already very dilated (in transition) by the time labor really got going. DS 1 got interested again right when DS2 came out because of the new noises. We have a pretty funny picture of me naked on the bathroom floor between DH's legs, holding DS2 with DS1 standing there pointing at him with his jaw dropped followed by a similar picture with DS1 holding his arms out because he was saying "Me hold him? Me hold him?" But we knew going in that DS1 was pretty unflappable about stuff like that. It bothers him to see people in pain or hear them making 'bad' noises, but we've been able to explain different kinds of pain and different emotions and why sometimes the noises are okay or sometimes certain pain is okay and he picked it up really quickly (he's seen me get shots, he's seen me bleed, and he went to lots of appointments where someone was working in my pelvic area to give him a gentle primer; we also talked about 'working noises' a lot and both DH and I would make big shows of grunting and vocalizing while moving large objects around the house for much of my pregnancy. If anything, DS1 must wonder why the coffee table is so much easier to move now, lol, because we don't make the noises anymore). If he had never shown any kind of comprehension about that or his comprehension for it were on a lower level, I would have insisted on having him go to the neighbor's during the birth. The do-ability of having a toddler at a home birth really depends on the temperament of the individual toddler.


----------



## BunnyN

Thanks for the imput mummyjogger. The image of your ds with his mouth open pointing made me giggle. I can see our DD doing that. I don't think she is old enough to actually understand much but I was very calm in labour and not overly noisey so I think that will help. My husband was very involved in supporting me last time but I also enjoyed time on my own and I feel very comfortable with our MW which helps.


----------



## belle254

Hi all :) I had two home births for my dd and ds, now 2.5 and 18 months. 
My sister and ex partner were present for the second birth when my daughter was only 12 months old, as soon as I reached 3/4cm and started finding it harder to concentrate they took in turns to play with her in another room. When her brother was born they all came in to see him :) I don't think I could have concentrated on the labour if my dd had been in the room! Too worried about frightening her. xx


----------



## Hangin_On_AGS

I've been having lots of preterm contractions. They arnt sure why but the baby already being engaged is not helping. It can last days sometimes so there is no getting around my dd being around. I think its proven to dh and I that she has to be there when we deliver her brother. She does not want to leave our side when I'm contracting. She takes turns with daddy rubbing my stomach and back. She holds my cheek. She is much more calm seeing mommy in pain and being there to make it better than when my mom will try and come and remove her from the situation.


----------



## BunnyN

Well I can update. I can update my own post because our little man was born 3 weeks ago. Our 20 month old did end up being there for the delivery and it wet well. She wasnt at all upset by me being in pain or making funny noises. We made a game out of making funny blowing noises and she joined in. The only bit that did freak her out a bit was the mess when he was born. She has always been a bit funny about things that are sticky or dirty and she wasnt impressed by the bed getting all messy and the fact that he pooed as soon as he was born. He was soon cleaned up though and she wasover the moon about her new baby brother. We have a wonderful picture of her getting to hold him after he was born and her face is a picture of delight.


----------



## MommyJogger

Congratulations, Bunny!! I'm glad it went so well for you and the family! Isn't the whole process of birth just ridiculous when you think about it? After I had my second at home, for about an hour I just kept thinking "how did we get to a point where this is what our bodies do to birth young?" Like, we just went through all that and now we get pooped on. Insult to injury. :winkwink:


----------



## seaurchin

Huge congratulations! I'm just about to try for exactly the same with my 22month old who is quite similar to how yours sounds in wanting to comfort mummy if she sees me upset or in pain. I would love her to be there for our home birth so I hope I have a similar experience to you!


----------



## Nisenitnyy

With our first homebirth (UC), my oldest was almost 3 and actually slept through the whole thing. It was great! Dh woke him up about 5 minutes after the baby was born.

With our second, my oldest was 5 and my youngest was 2. He played the computer a lot during the labor and she watched some. She ended up taking a nap and then waking up right around the time things got really difficult (which is also when I called dh home from work, I was home alone with the kids before this point). Dh went back and forth between us since I was just in the bathroom next to the computer area. He let them come in a minute or two after the baby came.

With our third, it was the middle of the night. I was SOOO excited about that because I thought I'd get to labor in peace. My 4yo woke up after an hour, then my 2yo woke up, by the time I hit transition around 3 1/2 hours in, my 7yo was awake as well. At this point, I woke dh up and hit the shower alone. He came in for the pushing and then let the kids in after a few minutes.

With our fifth, it was all during the day. LOOOOOONG day. For the first several hours, things were great. I made breakfast and lunch and worked through contractions. The kids had no idea I was in labor. Dh sent them into their room (shared) when things got difficult so I could concentrate and they wouldn't worry. My 2yo was out though. She is a total Daddy's girl. She was not impressed that I was in heavy labor, but she didn't cry or anything. I always prefer seclusion when transition hits, so I went for the shower eventually. I called dh in when I was pushing, and he asked Dd2 if she wanted to come in. She refused. :laugh2: She is the first one we've invited in. After the baby was born, I moved across the hall to our room and she came in for a few minutes. Once I was dressed, dh called the big kids and they were shocked that the baby was here. 

I don't know that I'll ever let my kids watch a birth, but having them around in early labor doesn't really bother me. I don't like ANYONE around me in transition, so I go for the smallest room in the house generally. I thought dh would be bothered by having to keep track of Dd2 during labor, but he said he really liked having her around. He doesn't particularly like labor and gets really anxious, so having something to keep him busy was a benefit. Baby #5's labor was my least favorite of our homebirths beceause it hurt SO MUCH for so long, but dh said it was his favorite. Which is awesome. If he can have such a good experience while I'm having a crappy one, that is encouraging to me.

For baby #6, my kids will be 11 (maybe 12, it's due the day before #1's birthday), 9, 6 1/2, 4 1/2, and 2 1/2. I imagine if it's daytime, we'll do the same as last time and send the big kids in the other room to play when things get tough.


----------



## Feronia

I just wanted to update:
I had my home birth 5 days ago and my 2-year old was involved in the whole process. :) She woke up from her nap when my water broke, helped dad fill up the birth tub, got inside and helped him with the hip squeeze, and watched her little brother gently enter the world. She started hugging and kissing him and has been adapting SUPER well! I'm so glad she was there and involved, she wasn't scared at all. We did watch a ton of birth videos ahead of time and talked about what would happen, which I totally recommend. My midwife said that there's a lot less jealousy when the older sibling is involved from the pregnancy and is there from the birth, and so far we've had zero jealousy so I hope this continues to be true.


----------



## BunnyN

We have experienced the same with 0 jealosy. I really was expecting her to be somewhat jealous. I think being there at the birth had a lot to do with that.


----------



## Jingles23

Dd was 29 months when I had ds. Thankfully I laboured at night so she slept through the whole thing. We have friends who live down the road so she was my backup in case we didn't want dd around. Ended up calling her to pick up dd after the birth because ds needed to go to the hospital for a bit. Hoping for an overnight labour again this time. Again we have someone close who can come get the kids if we need them gone.


----------



## 2ndtimeAbz

I've got dd (8) and ds (4), from my previous marriage and now I'm planning to homebirth with number 3. I think in terms of helping build bonds early and reducing jealousy it would be great to have them here. I'm just worried everyone else will want to be 'practical' and think it would be better if their dad had them. But they'll see that as being excluded??? And I don't want that. But also not a fan of the idea of ds showing me his latest lego creation during transition lol.


----------



## SarahBear

(Only read first post.) My daughter was 2yrs, 4.5 months when Leo was born. I let her be around in early labor. Then I got to a point where I told my husband that she was fine as long as she wasn't being demanding. He took her out of the room as needed. Then I got to the point where I needed space and I told my husband I didn't want Violet in there at all, so he kept her out of the room. My husband and daughter came back in during the pushing stage. I'd recommend arranging for someone to be in charge of your older child and have the child leave when you need more focus and have the older child come back for the pushing stage.


----------



## BunnyN

2ndtimeAbz said:


> I've got dd (8) and ds (4), from my previous marriage and now I'm planning to homebirth with number 3. I think in terms of helping build bonds early and reducing jealousy it would be great to have them here. I'm just worried everyone else will want to be 'practical' and think it would be better if their dad had them. But they'll see that as being excluded??? And I don't want that. But also not a fan of the idea of ds showing me his latest lego creation during transition lol.

DS had me dressed up in bunny ears and funny glasses during transition, lol. There was a bit of a party going on! It didnt actually bother me like I thought it would I just told OH and the MW to keep her away from my bump during contractions because I couldnt bear to be touched but the rest was quite a nice distraction.


----------

