# Thinking of adoption



## angeloflife

I am thinking of adoption but have no idea where to start. I just went through a miscarriage a few weeks ago after trying for 4 years to get pregnant. 

I know for a fact if the baby wasn't mine, I'd still love them with all my heart and do whatever is needed to take care of them. My husband also wants to adopt and he's seen the pain I've went through in trying to get pregnant but it just isn't happening.
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Here are some of my questions about adoption:*
1. Do they have permanent adoptions where the mothers/fathers cannot take the baby away that you adopt? (I am afraid to adopt because I always want the child to be mine but I also would be open to having the child visit their mother or father)

2. What are the requirements for adoption? (I have a good job and a safe home environment but I know there is more to that then adoption..could someone give me more information?)

3. Are you able to choose a child that you'd like from the pictures they give you? How does this work...


Sorry for the questions. I am totally new to this so just want to know what to expect.


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## Loski83

Hi what country are you in?


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## angeloflife

Loski83 said:


> Hi what country are you in?

I am from the United States. In California to be more specific. :flower:


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## Smashley25

Hi Angel,

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. :( 

I am also working on adopting in the US, so I'll try to answer your questions. :)

First, adoption is almost always permanent. I've heard of rare cases here and there where the paperwork wasnt done correctly or the birth father reappeared and his rights hadn't been terminated correctly, but those are rare and making sure you are working with good people (read reviews, etc) should minimize those. If you are doing domestic infant adoption, there's usually a revokation period of a few days to about a month, depending on what state you are adopting in, where the mother can change her mind, but after finalization, they're yours. 

I think you are basically on track with the criteria you have to meet to be eligible to adopt. You just have to show proof that you would be able to support a child financially in a good environment. To do this, you have to go through a home study process where a social worker meets with you and you talk about why you want to adopt and you provide lots of paperwork-financial records, background checks, marriage certificate, physicals, etc. That usually takes a couple of months and is a requirement before you adopt no matter how you do it.

3. This depends on what type of adoption you are pursuing. There are three different types, domestic infant-where you adopt a newborn, international-where you adopt a baby or toddler from a different country (can also adopt older kids), or adopting from foster care, where you adopt children who have already had parental rights terminated and are living in foster care. These tend to be either older (pre-teen, teenager) or special needs, but definitely need good homes. You can also sign up to be a foster parent and have the opportunity to adopt a child in your care who has parental rights terminated while you are taking care of them, but there is no guarantee when a child is placed with you that they will not be going back to their parents.

Anyway. With domestic, typically you are matched with an expectant mother who is pregnant. The expectant mother chooses the family she wants for her child but of course you are able to say no if its not a good match for you. There are a lot of ways to go about doing this. I can explain more if you want.

I'm not doing international so I'm not as sure on the process, but it seems like you submit your stuff to the country (with help of an agency), then you are matched based on when you get to the " front of the line" and can decide if its a good fit or not. And this varies a lot country to country... I THINK that's more or less how it works, someone with more experience correct me if I'm wrong.

If you are adopting out of foster care, you sort of do get to pick, I think. There is a website, www.adoptuskids.org, where you can look at profiles of kids who need homes and contact their social workers if you are interested. I'm not totally sure where the process goes from there but I assume they determine if its a good fit for you and the child and then either say yes or no? 

Anyway, feel free to ask if you have more questions. It's nice to put all this knowledge swimming around my head to some use! Good luck!


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## angeloflife

Oh, this is wonderful. Thank you so much for the information Smashley. I have been searching everything online for this info but between forums and solid content, all I seem to find is mixed answers. This confirms what I've been reading then.

My husband has two jobs and I work from home so I think this would be perfect if we were to adopt a small child. I could watch them at home while I work. I was thinking of going through a private agency but maybe foster care would be better if I get to pick. 

I know there are so many abused or neglected kids out there that need good homes. If they just only had a family, they could improve their life and mental state. I have two more questions though.. sorry >.< lol

1. Do they give you information on the children like pictures and what their background was? Like do they discuss any issues they had with the parents bringing them up? If I get a child who was abused in some way or has any special needs, I'll want to know everything so that way I will know how to help them.

2. Also, I heard the foster or government (not really sure who) in California will give you around $200-$500 a month for the child in case they have extra needs. This surprised me because my husband and I thought originally that we were to be the ones to give the child everything. I had no clue they could help you out but this would always be nice.

I've always wanted to adopt because I remember my aunt used to adopt kids from Foster care but I really never understood why (I believe she was just too old to have kids and it was too late). I wish she was still around...she was such an amazing woman! All of the kids were so very happy around her and I see how she really turned their lives around.


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## Smashley25

No problem, I like to help!

If you're interested in adopting from foster care, I'd first contact your state's child protective services and get some information. 

We live in Tennessee and considered the foster to adopt route but ultimately decided against it (I have a three year old stepson who already has some security issues and whatnot because of his mom and yeah-long story, but we decided we couldn't bring in an older child with him right now and we didn't want the risk or wait time associated with a younger one).

Anyway, we attended a meeting for foster care (I'm sure California is different in some ways) but they told us that you'd be given as much info as they had on the child and had the ability to decide if you wanted to foster him/her. If, while you are fostering them, their parents rights get terminated and no family members can take them, you get first dibs, basically, on if you want to adopt this child if they've been in your home for six months or longer-I think if its less time, you have to keep them as a foster child for six months and then you can start the adoption process. While you are foster parents, you get a stipend to care for the child-I think it is somewhere between 20-35 dollars a day in TN, depending on the severity of their needs, but that is probably different in CA. We also would have access to TennCare for the child, which is basically free health care for low income families. In TN, if the child meets certain criteria when adopted (I think 8+ or special needs), you continue to get money every month for them after adoption-not sure if its the same amount or less. There is also a federal adoption tax credit of app. $13,000, I think 12,640? Somewhere in that ballpark, that you can get back on costs of adoption. If you adopt a child classified as special needs, you automatically get the full amount back even if you didn't spend that much (and foster care adoption is usually free or just a few hundred dollars). 

So yeah, foster care adoption is great if you can do it. Just keep in mind you're not likely to get a little one without either the risk of having to give them back or in a reasonable amount of time (I've heard several years to straight adopt a baby, but definitely double check)


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## karenh

I was wondering how you were doing in your adoption process and what you decided to do. We are starting the adoption process as well. We have our orientation interview this Friday.


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## TTC First

I do want to clarify something as a foster parent. Children stay in foster care only till CAS gains custody or the child is sent home. If CAS gains custody they will contact anyone interested in adopting and is a match for the child. When it comes to the child that is in care, it could be newborn to 18. Although not common, if parents give up custody of a newborn at birth the child could go up for adoption very shortly after. I know in Canada an infant can not stay in foster care for more than a year, if it reaches a year the child is placed for adoption. I have an infant now who has been in care since birth and is perfectly healthy. Sometime soon there will be a decision made as to where this child is going and I am sure it is going to be a loving home.


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