# soo sad and not ok.



## sweetbuthyper

hi i lost my baby nathaniel at 23 weeks on the 29th june, after going into labour early, i dunno what else to write other than i'm not ok, and i'm fed up of telling people i am when they ask because i can't say otherwise. my oh is being great but its so hard we have the funeral on the 12th july and i dunno how i'm going to cope being round so many people. 

we want to try again and midwifes have said wait one period but i'm scared it will happen again i doubt we will get any answers to why it happened, we didn't have a pm but did sent the placenta off and have a consultant appointment on 25th august. Has anyone miscarried at this stage and conceived again straight away? did you get any extra care?


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## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry!!! We never know if it will happen again, but barring any cervical problems, your chances are low of anything happening again. And dont worry about sparing others feelings, tell people that you are not okay, because you are not. It is a devastating thing to go through, and no one should expect you to be okay. I lost my son at a little more than 16 weeks, I am on CD2 today, and we are trying right away to conceive. I think once you are healed, not only physically but emotionally, then it would be good to try again.


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## darkNlovely

I am so sorry hun. I lost my twins at 22 weeks and it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I quite sure many have gone on to have healthy normal pregnancies after a late term loss and I am positive we will too :)


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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry::cry: I am so deeply sorry. This is just a horrible thing to go through.
XOOXOXOOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

so sorry hun i lost my daughter at 22 weeks in feb! we didnt get any answers either other than it was just 'bad luck' we have been trying since march but havent fallen pregnant yet! maybe its just cause im so scared of it happening again that my mind is ruling my body! im going to start opks ets this month cause i want to make sure im actually ovulating! 

all i can say is it does get a little easier. you stop wanting to cry all the time and start to laugh again, youll think of your little man everyday but the hurt will lessen. and until that happens you have evrey right to be upset and angry and feel a little hopeless. it will take time but you'll get there.

the ladies here are great support!you'll never be lonely once youre on here and we're always here to chat or listen to a rant or even say things you cant tell anyone else xxxxxx

thinking of you :hugs:


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## mhazzab

oh I am so sorry you are going through this, I lost my twin girls the week before you on the 21st June, also at 23 weeks. 

We had the funeral on the 29thJune and I was totally dreading it, particularly being around everyone afterwards. We had invited just immediate family and close friends, basically the people we had told in the early days when we found out we were expecting. I coped surprisingly well at the funeral and afterwards, we just made sure in advance I had somewhere private to run to when it got too much for me (I ran there a few times). So maybe it's worth doing something like that?

I had been a bit worried about having other people at the funeral because it felt like maybe they wouldn't be that upset, because the hadn't really known our girls like we did? Does that make sense? Turns out I was comforted by the fact that our friends and family had come along and had grieved for our girls with us. 

We haven't had any test results yet but I am terrified by the thought of this happening to us again, and I still feel guilty and blame myself for what happened. I'm sure everyone feels that way, I'm guessing the next pregnancy will be a very long 9 months.

We have had conflicting info on when to try again...at the hospital after giving birth, the consultant said 6 months, my GP said 3. I wish we'd had a straight answer. I can't bear to wait too long, but at the same time, don't want to try too soon if it means I could be more at risk of it happening again? 

big hugs to you for Tuesday, let us know how it goes, and it you ever want to talk, I'm here xxx


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## sweetbuthyper

mhazzab - we are just having close friends and family, and we are all coming back to our house after the funeral so i can run away upstairs if need be. I have the guilt and feeling its my fault so your not alone there. The midwifes have said one period, the gp who i have seen once said 3 months and we haven't seen a consultant since i was in labor. Its all so very confusing. I think we may just let nature decide, I care bear the thought of going on the pill and i'm allergic to latex.

I just feel so much like i failed him, like i should have done more or gone to the hospital when i first had discharge instead of letting the midwives convince me it was nothing and would be ok. 

I miss him so much, I have a photo album of him and a journal i write to him in and a box with all his things in that makes it a little easier at least i have a place to get the emotion out.


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## mhazzab

I'm desperate to be pregnant again but then I feel guilty, like I'm betraying the memory of my girls for wanting to try so soon. My husband tells me that I need to think of it as giving them a little brother or sister, and that helps a little. We will probably wait until we hear back about any test results, incase it's something that needs to be dealt with, before we try again.

We got a photo of each girl, and one of them together, at first when the hospital asked if we wanted them I couldn't imagine ever looking at them...now it's the first thing I do each morning. Do you find writing in the journal helps? Maybe I should try that. 

We got a bench for our garden with a memorial plaque, and I am getting charms made up for my bracelet, with their footprints on it. doing little things like that to honour their memory has meant a lot to me and has kept me going.

pretty much everything you wrote in your posts could have come out of my mouth...it's so sad to know that other people are going through the same thing, but comforting at the same time to know that there are others who completely understand how heartbreaking this is. xx


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## sweetbuthyper

Writing a journal seems to help a little, i have been writing it in letter format as if i'm telling Nathaniel what is going on and how i'm feeling, i haven't read any of them back i just write whats in my head. and leave it, my oh reads them as i said he could so he knows what is going through my head without me having to try and explain if that makes sense. i think its helping him to be able to know what is going through my head, without me trying to explain while sobbing. I'm hoping when i am stronger i will be able to read them back.

I plan on getting a tattoo in memory of Nathaniel and want a charm bracelet so i can add to it each year round his birthday.

I,m not feeling too guilt although there is some there about trying again so soon mostly because we had always planned on having kids close together so think of it as a brother or sister as Nathaniel and the way it was always going to be (if that makes sense). Your oh is right you need to think of it as a brother or sister for your girls, they and you know you will never replace them they will always be in your heart and your thoughts. 

The photos defiantly help and although i can;t always face seeing them I'm very glad we have them and he looks so peaceful in them. we took our photos our selves and have a few as i was kept in hospital a few days after miscarriage and was allowed to hold him and get photos on the last day i was there ( 48 hours after miscarrying) seeing him and holding him to say my goodbyes helped although i wasn't sure i could do it to start with I'm very glad i did. As well as being allowed to keep him with me for 4 hours after the birth, the hospital really were great with us and very understanding.

your right speaking to someone at the same stage of grief helps, although i wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter Evelyn was born sleeping on 3rd April this year at 22+5. 

The only advice I can give you is to keep talking to one another and to take it one day at a time. I used to find writing lists of the things I wanted to do each day helped me to get to the end of the day.

Your consultant will help you to talk about a new pregnancy at your appointment. For me, that helped a lot. I now have a full plan including weekly scans from week 19 to week 25 to help me in my next pregnancy. I was also advised to take baby asparin daily incase it was a placenta problem (this wasn't identified but there is a lot they don't know about stillbirth and consultant said it won't harm)

I do not know why Evelyn died but I am trying for a new baby, I want her to have a brother or sister. Last month I did get caught but sadly had a chemical pregnancy. I take last month as a positive though as clearly things are happenning and last month was only the second month trying (we waited until after my first period to try)

If ever you need to talk to someone, send me a message hun xxx


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## kiki04

Hun I am so sorry :cry: We all understand your pain although I wish it was one no one ever had to feel :hugs: I know when people ask me how I am doing one simple line is my reply and they get it and go no further "Well physically I'm OK" and they have no rebuttle to that and leave it be. :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry::cry: I am so deeply sorry . I lost my Ava on March 3rd, i gave birth to her I was 18 weeks and that was the hardest day of my life. i am constantly sad and i cry every single night. I know for me I have not been able to get though this yet, will I ever, I hope so.
It is just a pain a dull ache in my heart that never seems to leave and always reminds me of my Ava, she would have been here in 4 weeks.
I wish you all the best :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## babesx3

:hugs: i am so sorry for your loss...
My baby died at 17+ weeks and i gave birth to him at 18+ weeks... i had a full postmortem and they found no reason for his death..
I TTC straight away i felt desperate to be pregnant again...
I was blessed and i became pregnant the month after i lost him...
It was a very hard pregnancy and i was scared i'd lose him every day...but my story does have a happy ending and i gave birth to my little boy 10 days ago, 10 months after i delivered my angel..... he is truely a blessing and worth every minute of worry i had over the 9 months.....

I hope u can too have your rainbow baby :hugs:


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## eviestar

i lost my daughter at 21 weeks and got pregnant again 3 months later x we recieve extra midwife appointments aswell as consultant check ups at hospital and 4 extra scans x good luck, im so sorry for your loss
xxx


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## sweetbuthyper

Well I'm i dunno how I am, just trying hard not to destroy my self for my oh's sake i guess, the pain hasn't got any easier i'm now on my own each day while oh is at work, sat doing nothing the sucky thing is i can't get a job or i loose my legal aid and my ex husband will take me to the cleaners, so i'm stuck sat day in day out doing nothing, i feel worthless and like i'm a failure, i want to try again for a baby but i'm terrified, we have agreed to wait till after i have seen the consultant but that seems so far away and i feel like i have no future to look forward to anymore. I'm so scared i'm going to be told there something wrong with me that means i will never be able to carry a baby, but i know i will probably get no answers at all. 

The funeral service we had on the 12th was lovely and we are going to visit the grave next week i wanted to this week and feel guilty for not but my oh wasn't ready to go. We are stuggling financially now which isn't helping especially when i know we have the funeral costs to pay, we are in a big 3 bed house we can't really afford the rent on and i now resent because we don't any longer need all the space we have we could have stayed in the house we were in before and been better off. 

sorry for the rant just wanted to get it out and to know i'm not alone.


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## sallyvictoria

Hi on the 30th of april i gave birth to my son at 23+5days he lived for 2 half hours i dint have my som pm ether but from swabs and the placenta and bloods they can tell alot from it as i had my consultant appointment and got answers why, im scared about tryng again but the hospital has promised to take extra care and scan me every week so thing will be put in place for you x


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