# Wanting natural birth but scared



## laxobellavida

I am almost 33 weeks pregnant with a little boy and have started my birth plan. I would like to have a natural birth with no medication but I sometimes find myself getting scared and wanting an epidural. I have a high pain tolerance but I'm sure birth pain is one of a kind. My husband and I have signed up for Lamaze classes that start in a couple weeks. I told my husband I want a mirror placed so I can see him coming out and his face just showed complete horror. I'm worried that he will freak out during labor and stress me out. Can anyone give me any advice or pointers to help me go through with a natural birth? Would it be a good idea to show him a birth video to prepare him?


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## CrunchyMom

Don't worry! I was in labor for quite a long time and I also have a high threshold for pain, natural labor is easier than labor with pitocin or other drugs I have felt both and after pit wanted to go back to natural labor badly! How you need to look at this, you are part of a massive history of women who gave birth without any help even from a Dr or hospital, many of those women didn't stop with just one, they had 7 kids! Why would any women put themselves through that again if it was terrible? It's no more painful than very bad period cramps, but unlike cramps your body gets little breaks in between, at one point I was even able to sleep and eat during long long labor! I new while I was in labor I wanted another baby, why would I in the middle of something so "bad" want to do it again? It's like your running a marathon, your sore tired and just want to sleep, then you look at the finish line and your husbands there, holding up the most beautiful thing you've ever seen! You'd climb a mountain to get to them! Suddenly you've got this surge of energy. I think your hubby needs to take a few classes and you should hire a doula to help you both she'll know when to take him aside and calm him down so you can focus on crossing the finish line to your cherub


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## laxobellavida

Thank you so much! My mother had both my brother and I naturally so she's been telling me it's best naturally ever since we found out I was pregnant! I've always had horrible menstrual cramps and learned to deal with them so hopefully I can manage with childbirth. We signed up for Lamaze classes but he refuses to watch any videos because he said it might scare him lol


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## MindUtopia

I can't recommend doing hypnotherapy enough. I did natal hypnotherapy, but I'm guessing perhaps you're in the U.S., so hypnobirthing is the more popular method there. It helped so much and I felt so relaxed. Honestly, birth wasn't that painful. I've had two knee surgeries and a severe case of pneumonia that gave me horrible chest pain every time I breathed for a month - both of those things were painful. Birth was intense, but it was sorta on the level of getting a cramp in your foot. Not pleasant and very involuntary, but contractions are short-lived and then you feel totally comfortable in between. You really can do it. I only used a TENS machine, no other pain relief during birth, and it was really manageable. I would recommend giving him positive natural birth stories to read and also perhaps showing some birth videos that don't show all the gory stuff, so that he can see that birth is a natural, manageable thing and not all blood and screaming like it is on tv. I'd also really just make sure you both talk over your expectations and any fears you might have. I found saying any fears out loud and making a plan for what to do if they came true really helped (for instance, I had a home birth, but one of my fears was having to go into hospital in the middle of giving birth if something went wrong, so we talked over what might happen, how we would feel, how we would handle it and stay calm, etc.). None of those things materialized, but I felt more confident knowing I had a plan if they did and I could just relax and get on with it. I also second hiring a doula.


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## Live42day

I'm new to B&B, can we post url links here? I wanted to recommend a youtube video for u to watch, but I want to make sure I'm not breaking any rules b4 i do so.


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## babytobe

I hear ya! I'm due with my first baby in about 3 weeks or so, and I too really want to have a natural birth. I was scared for quite a while, but now I'm feeling much more confident!....

My midwife recommended reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I would highly recommend this book! The first half of the book has tons of positive, natural birth stories. And the second half of the book has some really good advice about how to trust your body during labour, and some really good practical tips. Your husband could read some of the stories too if he's feeling so nervous about things. I'm determined to show my husband that this isn't going to be as "wild and crazy" as he thinks it will be haha (but who knows, maybe I'll be eating my words!). He keeps using those words, and I keep correcting him! After reading the stories I'm convinced that birth can be very "normal" and our bodies know exactly how to handle it!

Ina May is a midwife who has delivered over 2000 (or maybe it's 3000?) babies, and she has a c-section rate of 1.4% (the average in most hospitals in North America is about 30%). Her book has a way of really normalizing the birth process. Women all over the world still do it with no interventions at all. 

I'm temped to go and on and on about what Ina May says in her book, but I think you should really go and read it! I got mine out of the public library. 33 weeks is the perfect time to start reading something for birth too. Seriously, it will sooth your worries so much! :). I'm confident I can report back to you once I have my baby....a beautiful, natural birth story! Good luck :hugs:


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## Beanonorder

Live42day said:


> I'm new to B&B, can we post url links here? I wanted to recommend a youtube video for u to watch, but I want to make sure I'm not breaking any rules b4 i do so.

You can post a youtube video.

I wasn't for or against having some kind of pain relief. Turns out any kind of pain relief wasn't an option so I had no choice but to just go with it. I won't lie, it was painful. After 19 hours and being stalled at 3cm I begged for a c-section. They finally broke my waters for me and I got to 6cm in an hour and my mom convinced me to stick it out. I stalled again and got pitocin and started pushing an hour after the pitocin. Due to many factors my labour and delivery was traumatic but my point is, that I made it! I am 100% sure you won't be facing any of the issues I did so you can do this!


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## BunnyN

I had a 38hr labour and it was not as hard as I expected. I was able to stay calm, active and do what felt right at the moment. I felt very in control. I think being stuck on the bed would make me feel panicky. And for some reason my labour slowed down whenever I lay down so I believe if I could not have stayed active it may well have led to more intervention. 

The baby apparently found the labour easy as at no point did she show signs of distress (except for a few seconds as she was being born because of the cord squeezing her neck) and she was super alert. I was tired but was up and showered shortly after the birth and recovered well. I believe no drugs was much better for both me and the baby.

I only doupted myself at one brief point which turns out was probab'y around the time of transition. MWs actually look out for the 'I can't do this' moment as a sign of transition but the good news is that by that time you are almost there. I liked pushing, it was painful but it felt more physical than painful. 

On the whole I was surprised by how much I loved labour. Yes it is painful but you also get a huge rush going on at the same time. It's kind of like running a marathon. Honestly I can't wait to do the whole thing again. 

That is my experience and everyone is different and has their own challenges and experience but natural labour can be pretty great. At the end of the day if you decide you want drugs there is no shame in that either.


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## babytobe

That's so encouraging BunnyN! It sounds like you are a positive person too, which I think goes a long way in our perceptions and experiences! Thanks for sharing


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## BunnyN

babytobe said:


> That's so encouraging BunnyN! It sounds like you are a positive person too, which I think goes a long way in our perceptions and experiences! Thanks for sharing

I'm glad it encouraged you :). I was not scared of labour before but I did think of it as something that had to be gotten through. Now I look at is as something I can't wait to do again. I do think being positive and prepaired helps. Of course it's hard to be prepaired for everything and sometimes things go wrong or just don't go as expected so no one should feel like they have failed if things don't go as they would have liked but sometimes we only hear the horror stories it's good to know that there are good experiences too.


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## babytobe

BunnyN said:


> babytobe said:
> 
> 
> That's so encouraging BunnyN! It sounds like you are a positive person too, which I think goes a long way in our perceptions and experiences! Thanks for sharing
> 
> I'm glad it encouraged you :). I was not scared of labour before but I did think of it as something that had to be gotten through. Now I look at is as something I can't wait to do again. I do think being positive and prepaired helps. Of course it's hard to be prepaired for everything and sometimes things go wrong or just don't go as expected so no one should feel like they have failed if things don't go as they would have liked but sometimes we only hear the horror stories it's good to know that there are good experiences too.Click to expand...

I totally agree with you. You can only prepare so much, and sometimes things are just out of our control, and it doesn't always go the way we imagine. But yes, the good stories are good to hear! :)


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## friendcrystal

I don't have a very high tolerance for pain, but this is still something I want to do. I cannot picture myself in a hospital, and I don't want any kind of pain medication. I believe I can do it. My mother doesn't. :dohh: But I think I am capable. I was made capable.


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## babytobe

I thought I would update quickly since I had my baby!.....

A natural birth is totally doable! I just had my first baby on May 21st. It was a 22.5 hour labour, and I only used a bit of gas and air before pushing to help me not to push. I had a bit of a cervical lip and wasn't fully dilated, but I had the urge to push. So the nurse recommended gas and hair to help. It totally helped and was a nice little treat just before I got to the really hard work! I still consider that a natural birth :). 

Laboring without drugs was very doable though. I did get discouraged when I wasn't progressing for many hours at a time, but not once did I think "oh man I must get an epidural now because I just can't handle this". The only thing I could've seen happening is if I didn't progress for many many many more hours, then perhaps an epidural would've been necessary so I could get some rest. At the same time, I think any woman who wants pain medication should have it! The crowning and pushing the head out was the most unbearable part for me, but I'm already forgetting how bad it was. It just really, really really burned. No one could have prepared me for that pain, but it didn't last long and I got the best prize in the end. Would do it all again in a second (although at first I kept thinking I could never do this again ;).....we forget pain fast I guess!). Such an amazing experience! Good luck :flower:


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## BunnyN

So glad you had a good experience. And congrats!


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## Shadowy Lady

hey OP - I had a natural birth with my LO too. I was not 100% set against drugs but I wanted to try and go natural. I did my homework either way on how to cope w/o drugs and what my pain relief options are (in case I needed them). 

I ended up having a very chilled out birth; or as chilled out as births can get ;) 4 hours from beginning to end, I used no pain relief but the delivery room jaccuzi, had a big-ish baby (8lb 8oz) and got no tear or grazes either. 

I 100% recommend a natural birth, but also read on all your options. Being educated always helps me be calmer and I hope it's the same for you. Good luck!


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## GeralynB

I'm in the same boat. I would really like to try for a natural birth but am a little nervous. And I'm really more nervous about hubby&#8230;he doesn't do well with this sort of stuff and I worried he's going to stress me out


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## smallpeanut

The best thing you can do is keep your head. Trust your body and stay in control. If you can do that then you will breeze through it :)


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## aliss

I'm glad you did it.

I had a very medicated birth with morphine and epi. I had a 100% unmedicated one after. Recovery doesn't compare, it was so much better. I don't know many that regret it. Yah it hurts more but it hurt a lot less after than being cut cause I was too drugged to push!


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## BunnyN

aliss said:


> I'm glad you did it.
> 
> I had a very medicated birth with morphine and epi. I had a 100% unmedicated one after. Recovery doesn't compare, it was so much better. I don't know many that regret it. Yah it hurts more but it hurt a lot less after than being cut cause I was too drugged to push!

My mum went through the same with her first and second births. That's what convinced me I wanted a natural birth. She also said the medication had a big effect on the baby.


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## laxobellavida

Oh gosh I was not notified I had gotten so many responses to my post!! Thank you ladies for all the encouragement :) I'm currently 3 days past my due date and my dr has scheduled me for induction next Monday. I hope the little man decides to come before then


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## BunnyN

I hated the pressure of being overdue. Where I live they routinely induce at 41 weeks. I Refused and went into labour naturally. She was born 10 days after her due date. Hope it happens for you soon!


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