# Teen pregnancy advice and support please



## blueberryx

Hi, this is my first post here. I'm a mess and well, I guess freaking out, because a few days ago I found out that I'm pregnant. I'm 16 and will be 17 in a few months. I haven't told anyone and just need someone to talk to. I'm too scared to tell anyone right now. I've been worrying that I was pregnant for over a month since I missed my period in December, but I tried to ignore it until I missed my period again this month. I took a pregnancy test on Thursdays and it was positive. I'm still hoping that maybe it's wrong. I'm just really shocked that this has happened to me. I'm not on birth control but we were using protection.

I don't really know what to say in my first post. I'm so scared and don't know what to do now. I just feel sort of frozen I guess.


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## erher

Usually a pregnancy test is positive for a reason. I'm sorry to hear that it's a stressful situation for you. This is life changing. I would suggest going to the doctor, before anything else. You have many options. Do what's best for you. I'm here if you ever want to talk.


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## blueberryx

Thanks. I'm really nervous to go to a doctor. This sounds kind of stupid, but I don't even know how to go to a doctor alone without my parents finding out. I'm on their health insurance but don't have my own health insurance card or anything. I wonder how much it would cost without using insurance. Probably too much for me to afford.


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## ClairAye

Welcome, I understand what you're going through, I fell pregnant with my first at 16 and had him at 17, I'm 24 now. I agree with PP, you need to see a doctor, I'm assuming you're in the states? I'm not sure how it works with insurance etc, are there free/confidential clinics you can go to as a first step?


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> Thanks. I'm really nervous to go to a doctor. This sounds kind of stupid, but I don't even know how to go to a doctor alone without my parents finding out. I'm on their health insurance but don't have my own health insurance card or anything. I wonder how much it would cost without using insurance. Probably too much for me to afford.

 It doesn't sound stupid at all. I would have probably said the same thing at your age. My mom went to the doctor - dentist with me until I was 21- ish lol. Try taking a picture of the card, that's usually enough info. Or go to your regular clinic - doctor. They should have the info saved. They cant disclose why you visited. Though it does become tricky when you go for more specialized testing and care. It is expensive without insurance. My visits are 2000 each. Craziness, right? Planned parenthood might be a good first stop. They can formally test and tell you how far along you are. Not only that, but give you some guidance on what your options are. Best to you❤


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## blueberryx

ClairAye said:


> Welcome, I understand what you're going through, I fell pregnant with my first at 16 and had him at 17, I'm 24 now. I agree with PP, you need to see a doctor, I'm assuming you're in the states? I'm not sure how it works with insurance etc, are there free/confidential clinics you can go to as a first step?

Yeah I'm in the states. It seems like a lot of people here are from the UK?

Anyway, I've found a few pregnancy services, I don't think they're truly "clinics." I guess that are free and claim they don't send any paperwork to your house. Sounds like they offer pretty limited services, like pregnancy tests and discussing options. I feel weird about going there. They're all in bad areas of town. I know I might have to just go there as a first step if I don't want my parents to know right now. I just have to work up to it a bit more and see if I can find a better option.


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## blueberryx

So I ended up doing a live chat with someone online through the website for a pregnancy service near me. I found out that even if I decide not to go through with the pregnancy, a parent, guardian, or sibling 21 or over would have to accompany me to an appointment. So now I'm really panicking that there is absolutely no option that doesn't include having to tell my parents. Sorry I don't mean to sound offensive or insensitive but that was going to be one of my main options. 
Now my stomach is hurting and feels like it's cramping up, so I'm starting to worry about what could be going on or if it's just from being so anxious and thinking about it non stop for days now. 
I have no clue how far along I am. I used an online calculator, but I don't remember exactly when my last period was. I think I'm around 9 weeks.


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> So I ended up doing a live chat with someone online through the website for a pregnancy service near me. I found out that even if I decide not to go through with the pregnancy, a parent, guardian, or sibling 21 or over would have to accompany me to an appointment. So now I'm really panicking that there is absolutely no option that doesn't include having to tell my parents. Sorry I don't mean to sound offensive or insensitive but that was going to be one of my main options.
> Now my stomach is hurting and feels like it's cramping up, so I'm starting to worry about what could be going on or if it's just from being so anxious and thinking about it non stop for days now.
> I have no clue how far along I am. I used an online calculator, but I don't remember exactly when my last period was. I think I'm around 9 weeks.

That's a little intrusive. I'm not sure why they would require a person 21+ to go with you. You have a right to your privacy. Either way, I'm glad you got some advice, even if it was limited. We are not here to judge you or look down on you. Whatever you do, be safe about it. That's all we care about. Don't let your nerves get the best of you. You have big decisions to make.


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## ClairAye

blueberryx said:


> So I ended up doing a live chat with someone online through the website for a pregnancy service near me. I found out that even if I decide not to go through with the pregnancy, a parent, guardian, or sibling 21 or over would have to accompany me to an appointment. So now I'm really panicking that there is absolutely no option that doesn't include having to tell my parents. Sorry I don't mean to sound offensive or insensitive but that was going to be one of my main options.
> Now my stomach is hurting and feels like it's cramping up, so I'm starting to worry about what could be going on or if it's just from being so anxious and thinking about it non stop for days now.
> I have no clue how far along I am. I used an online calculator, but I don't remember exactly when my last period was. I think I'm around 9 weeks.

I'm sorry it is like that, I guess a positive is if your choose to go down that road, you're not going through it alone. Did the place you spoke to offer any services even if it's just going in for a chat face-to-face with someone?


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## blueberryx

erher said:


> That's a little intrusive. I'm not sure why they would require a person 21+ to go with you. You have a right to your privacy. Either way, I'm glad you got some advice, even if it was limited. We are not here to judge you or look down on you. Whatever you do, be safe about it. That's all we care about. Don't let your nerves get the best of you. You have big decisions to make.

I guess it's the law in my state that I have to have parental consent and someone has to go with me at the appointment, not a rule that this specific clinic created on its own. 
I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I don't meant to offend anyone by discussing that option. I am really scared of it though.



ClairAye said:


> I'm sorry it is like that, I guess a positive is if your choose to go down that road, you're not going through it alone. Did the place you spoke to offer any services even if it's just going in for a chat face-to-face with someone?

Yeah they do offer those services. They asked if I wanted to call them to make an appointment, but I wasn't ready to yet. I don't know if I will go there or not. I'm trying to work up the courage to actually do it. 

I'm considering telling the father, but I'm just not sure. We aren't in a relationship and never have been. He is a year older than me and a very good friend of mine. We have known each other since we were in grade school. This might make me sound trashy I guess since he's not even my boyfriend, but he's the only person I've ever even had sex with. In a way, I feel bad that I see him every day and he's blissfully unaware that any f this is going on, but I feel even worse when I think of telling him.


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## MissMarpleFan

What state are you in? You really don’t want to delay this appointment if you want to have options.


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## MissMarpleFan

While you would need your parents’ consent for an abortion, it doesn’t look like you need their consent for a confidential prenatal appointment.

Teen rights to sex ed, birth control and more in Ohio - Sex, Etc.

I urge you to see somebody, and soon. The more informed you are about what’s going on in your body, the better you can decide what to do next and how to break your news and to who. Your dates could easily be a little off in either direction, as ovulation dates can be irregular.

If you wait too long, you will be having this baby and telling both of your parents anyway, and you and baby should have good medical care. I know they will probably be upset and disappointed, but they will still love you. You need some mature support right now.


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## blueberryx

I was about to make an online appointment at Planned Parenthood for tomorrow because they had 1 appointment left for the day, but then realized I have no way to pay for it and don't want to ask my parents for a health insurance card because they will want to know why. We're expecting a big snow storm here too so I probably won't even be able to make it there tomorrow.

I found another place that offers free pregnancy tests and ultrasounds so I booked an appointment for this Monday since I'm already off school that day anyway. As nervous as I am to go there, right now I just want to rip off the band aid and find out if this is really happening and also what options I have left at this point. Plus I've been having stomach pains off and on for 3 days now. This weekend will be horrible waiting to finally get this over with.


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## MissMarpleFan

Good plan! I’m a band-aid ripper myself...

Good luck, sweetie.


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## blueberryx

I went to the appointment at the free pregnancy clinic last Monday 1/21. I've been meaning to post an update here. I was too nervous to go alone and by mid-Sunday I was planning to back out of going. I know it seems so stupid, but I just didn't want to get actual confirmation that I was pregnant, plus I was just scared to go to this place in general since I didn't know what to expect. So on Sunday night I texted my friend who is the father and told him i thought I was pregnant. Long story short, he agreed to go with me to the appointment. First they did a pregnancy test, which came back positive, then an ultrasound. I almost had an anxiety attack and felt like passing out at that point. Right now I'm about 11.5 weeks pregnant and but due date is estimated 8/17. I still haven't told my parents and I still don't know what I'm going to do. I know I'll be forced to tell them soon because most of my clothes are too tight, my pants don't button up, but thankfully it's winter time and freezing here so I can cover it up for now and it's not like it's that obviously yet.


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> I went to the appointment at the free pregnancy clinic last Monday 1/21. I've been meaning to post an update here. I was too nervous to go alone and by mid-Sunday I was planning to back out of going. I know it seems so stupid, but I just didn't want to get actual confirmation that I was pregnant, plus I was just scared to go to this place in general since I didn't know what to expect. So on Sunday night I texted my friend who is the father and told him i thought I was pregnant. Long story short, he agreed to go with me to the appointment. First they did a pregnancy test, which came back positive, then an ultrasound. I almost had an anxiety attack and felt like passing out at that point. Right now I'm about 11.5 weeks pregnant and but due date is estimated 8/17. I still haven't told my parents and I still don't know what I'm going to do. I know I'll be forced to tell them soon because most of my clothes are too tight, my pants don't button up, but thankfully it's winter time and freezing here so I can cover it up for now and it's not like it's that obviously yet.

 First off, I'm very proud of your courage. Going was the first step in the right direction. Do you feel any different now that you know for sure that you're pregnant? How do you think you're parents will react? Best of luck in all your future endeavours. Make the right decision for yourself. No one has to live with the outcome but you. Congratulations by the way. Probably not what you want to hear. I know it can be very scary.


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## blueberryx

erher said:


> First off, I'm very proud of your courage. Going was the first step in the right direction. Do you feel any different now that you know for sure that you're pregnant? How do you think you're parents will react? Best of luck in all your future endeavours. Make the right decision for yourself. No one has to live with the outcome but you. Congratulations by the way. Probably not what you want to hear. I know it can be very scary.

Thanks. I think I just feel more scared now. Before I had an ultrasound and actually saw the baby in there I would just rationalize to myself that I wasn't pregnant whenever I'd really start to panic over it, but now I can't do that anymore. I think my parents will freak out, but I don't know exactly how they'll act. I always play the part of the perfect daughter so they'll be really shocked.


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> Thanks. I think I just feel more scared now. Before I had an ultrasound and actually saw the baby in there I would just rationalize to myself that I wasn't pregnant whenever I'd really start to panic over it, but now I can't do that anymore. I think my parents will freak out, but I don't know exactly how they'll act. I always play the part of the perfect daughter so they'll be really shocked.

What makes you scared? I know exactly what you mean. I just had my first baby. I was 22 when I became pregnant and was still worried about my parent's reaction. My mom always said she was not ready to be a grandma, though when faced with that reality it changed her. I hope your parents are supportive. You're human, things happen. You're more than the image they have of you. Freaking out won't make the situation disappear.


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## blueberryx

Well, I finally ripped the band aid off and told my mom tonight. That and I felt so bad today and just got tired of hiding it. I came home from school and went straight to bed because I felt so sick. When my mom got home a few hours later my brother told her that I'd been in bed since I got home so she came to check on me and when she asked me if I was okay I told her no and that I was pregnant. I couldn't even look at her when I said it. I didn't plan to tell her for several more days, but I just feel so exhausted from hiding it and I'm scared that I've not even had a true doctors appointment, only a pregnancy test and ultrasound to confirm everything, no blood tests or anything else that everyone else here has had done at this point. She asked if I was joking and then I just started crying so hard and she hugged me and cried too. She thought I was so upset because I just found out today, but when I told her I took a test about a month ago, she was really surprised. But I showed her the ultrasound and my small belly that I've been hiding, I guess better than I thought, and she was just sort of in shock, but she didn't yell or anything. After we were done crying she told me she needed to go process everything and that we'd talk more about it later. She told my dad and I was more worried about telling him anyway. I heard them sort of whisper yelling about it to each other. Then they both wanted to talk to me. They didn't yell or get overly angry but I could tell they were really upset and disappointed. I just kept saying I was sorry over and over again. We didn't really talk about what I'm going to do with the baby or anything. My mom decided this was all a lot to process and deal with an that we all just need to work through one thing at a time, so first she's going to make me a doctors appointment and then we can figure the rest out. 


On one hand I feel some relief but now I just feel so stupid and like such a disappointment. I don't even want to leave my bedroom because I don't want my family to even look at me since they look so sad and disappointed.


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## ClairAye

Well done for telling them, I know it still feels hard as everyone now tries to process it but it is really good that they know now and you have someone there for you. :hugs: I know how you are feeling though, it went really bad with me and my parents but my mum had calmed down after a couple of weeks and I was just happy I had her support.


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## blueberryx

I have my first actual doctors appointment next week and my mom is going with me. Things are still pretty tense at home but I guess I expected that.


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## ClairAye

Good luck at your appointment. :) I hope things ease up soon!


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## blamesydney

I was 16 when I fell pregnant with my daughter. Her fathers mother told my parents without my consent. I was and always will be the disappointment of the family. But my daughter is the light of my life, and my husband is wonderful. This happens. And it doesn't automatically ruin your life. You'll grow up and live your life all the same. :hugs:


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## blueberryx

Not sure if anyone cares for an update, but I did go to my first real doctors appointment last month. The doctor confirmed the same information the clinic had given me, including a due date of 8/17 and everything seems to be fine with the baby so far. I'm 16 weeks, 2 days today and had another appointment today. They drew blood for the quad screening today and I'll get the results back in a few days. I pretty much gave up on abortion at this point because I'm way past the point of being able to take a pill for it and am too scared of the surgical abortion. At this point I'm heavily exploring adoption because I just can't imagine being a parent right now. My parents are...not happy. I think they'd rather I just give the baby away and go back to being their perfect daughter again. The father has basically told me he doesn't want to be a father and is planning to go to another state for college, so I can't depend on him either - but at least he's being honest about it now rather than pretending he would be there and then dropping out of my life. His family actually seems to be more understanding about everything though and I know his mom was upset when she found out he had told me he didn't want to be involved with a baby at all.


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> Not sure if anyone cares for an update, but I did go to my first real doctors appointment last month. The doctor confirmed the same information the clinic had given me, including a due date of 8/17 and everything seems to be fine with the baby so far. I'm 16 weeks, 2 days today and had another appointment today. They drew blood for the quad screening today and I'll get the results back in a few days. I pretty much gave up on abortion at this point because I'm way past the point of being able to take a pill for it and am too scared of the surgical abortion. At this point I'm heavily exploring adoption because I just can't imagine being a parent right now. My parents are...not happy. I think they'd rather I just give the baby away and go back to being their perfect daughter again. The father has basically told me he doesn't want to be a father and is planning to go to another state for college, so I can't depend on him either - but at least he's being honest about it now rather than pretending he would be there and then dropping out of my life. His family actually seems to be more understanding about everything though and I know his mom was upset when she found out he had told me he didn't want to be involved with a baby at all.

I honestly logged on just to see your update. How are you feeling? Pregnancy can be a very emotional ride, especially towards the end. I'm honestly happy to know you're planning on carrying to term. Adoption is a fine choice. If you're not ready to the care of a child, there are wonderful families that will. That's a beautiful thing. I recommend enjoying the time with your little one. Your pregnancy will fly before your eyes. No matter what, he/she will be your first born. No one can take that away from you. My baby sister was adopted out. She decided to meet us when she got older. We talk on occasion. I'm truly glad she was adopted though. My childhood was unfortunate, to put things lightly. She avoided that and is a wonderful woman now. It's disappointing that the father isn't more supporting. That must be difficult. His loss. Cherish your experience. Keep your head up and don't let anyone's thoughts or feelings on your situation interfere with what's in your heart. Best wishes. H&H 9.


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## OnErth&InHvn

I think you could love and take care of this baby. I believe in you.


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## blueberryx

erher said:


> I honestly logged on just to see your update. How are you feeling? Pregnancy can be a very emotional ride, especially towards the end. I'm honestly happy to know you're planning on carrying to term. Adoption is a fine choice. If you're not ready to the care of a child, there are wonderful families that will. That's a beautiful thing. I recommend enjoying the time with your little one. Your pregnancy will fly before your eyes. No matter what, he/she will be your first born. No one can take that away from you. My baby sister was adopted out. She decided to meet us when she got older. We talk on occasion. I'm truly glad she was adopted though. My childhood was unfortunate, to put things lightly. She avoided that and is a wonderful woman now. It's disappointing that the father isn't more supporting. That must be difficult. His loss. Cherish your experience. Keep your head up and don't let anyone's thoughts or feelings on your situation interfere with what's in your heart. Best wishes. H&H 9.

Aww thank you. Honestly, my emotions have been crazy lately and since I last posted here. I’m like 18.5 weeks now. I did eventually decide that I was leaning toward adoption enough that I needed to take the next step and meet with an adoption agency to get more info. So my parents and I have a meeting with an agency tomorrow. I’m not 100% decided yet but feel pretty close. So after I started thinking about it I guess I rushed it a bit. I started looking at possible families and it just felt so weird and made me feel uncomfortable. I’m still leaning toward adoption but just need to take it one step at a time. 

So over the past week or so I’ve just felt really depressed about the whole pregnancy. My bump is really obvious now, my boobs grew like 3 sizes overnight and are even leaking now. I started to fall behind in my school stuff because I couldn’t really focus on anything else and was just so tired all the time. I feel worse now than in the first trimester and I thought it was supposed to be the opposite. 

The father has told me that he does care about what happens to me and the baby but he still doesn’t want to be a dad now. He has agreed to adoption and wants to be involved in that process.


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> Aww thank you. Honestly, my emotions have been crazy lately and since I last posted here. I’m like 18.5 weeks now. I did eventually decide that I was leaning toward adoption enough that I needed to take the next step and meet with an adoption agency to get more info. So my parents and I have a meeting with an agency tomorrow. I’m not 100% decided yet but feel pretty close. So after I started thinking about it I guess I rushed it a bit. I started looking at possible families and it just felt so weird and made me feel uncomfortable. I’m still leaning toward adoption but just need to take it one step at a time.
> 
> So over the past week or so I’ve just felt really depressed about the whole pregnancy. My bump is really obvious now, my boobs grew like 3 sizes overnight and are even leaking now. I started to fall behind in my school stuff because I couldn’t really focus on anything else and was just so tired all the time. I feel worse now than in the first trimester and I thought it was supposed to be the opposite.
> 
> The father has told me that he does care about what happens to me and the baby but he still doesn’t want to be a dad now. He has agreed to adoption and wants to be involved in that process.

How so? What are you feeling? That's very exciting. About half way there. You'll probably be finding out the gender soon. Are you hoping for a boy or girl? Educating yourself is the best thing you can do for you and your baby. I'm glad your parents are by your side. Definitely think it through carefully. It's a big decision. Caring for a baby is loads of work, but it's heavily worth it. Both paths have their pros and cons. One step at a time is the way to go. This processes is one not to be rushed. Search in your heart and soul. Listen to your gut. 
I'm sorry the past weeks haven't been great for you. Are you worried about others finding out? Your mind and body are going through a lot. Have you felt your baby move yet?
How do you feel about involving him in the process?


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## blueberryx

erher said:


> How so? What are you feeling? That's very exciting. About half way there. You'll probably be finding out the gender soon. Are you hoping for a boy or girl? Educating yourself is the best thing you can do for you and your baby. I'm glad your parents are by your side. Definitely think it through carefully. It's a big decision. Caring for a baby is loads of work, but it's heavily worth it. Both paths have their pros and cons. One step at a time is the way to go. This processes is one not to be rushed. Search in your heart and soul. Listen to your gut.
> I'm sorry the past weeks haven't been great for you. Are you worried about others finding out? Your mind and body are going through a lot. Have you felt your baby move yet?
> How do you feel about involving him in the process?

Well I just feel like my emotions have been on a rollercoaster lately. One second I feel okay and positive about moving forward with adoption and like I can somehow deal with this whole situation. I'm able to focus on other things in my life and in an okay mood. The next second it's like total despair and like I can't control my emotions and am on the verge of a breakdown and the only thing I can do is lay in bed and cry. I know pregnancy hormones are playing a part too. Honestly, a lot of the time lately I've been wishing that I had just had an abortion early on so I could just have my life back. I don't want anything to happen to the baby now and I don't want to harm it, but I just wish I wasn't pregnant. There are many times where I don't know how I'll make it enough 20 weeks (I'll be 20 weeks in a few days).

I have a scan this Friday and will find out if it's a boy or a girl. I don't really have a preference, maybe because I have a hard time picturing it as actually being my baby that I raise. But I just have a feeling that it's a girl for some reason.

Since I posted here last time my family and I met with one adoption agency and I didn't like they way they made me feel at all. The agency wasn't pressuring me and they did provide a lot of good information, but the way the counselor I spoke with talked to me made me feel like a dumb teenager. I can't describe the way it made me feel, I just didn't like it. So I started to feel even worse after that because I really wanted the meeting to go well. This week we met with a different agency and they made me feel much better and I felt like I could trust the counselor I spoke with there. I am going to SLOWLY start looking at potential families to see how I feel, but obviously not committed to anything yet. I just know that if the perfect family exists I'd like to find them soon so that I have time to get to know them.

At this point, everyone knows I'm pregnant and I'm very uncomfortable about it. It's very obvious now. I look at pictures of some people online and at 19 weeks they don't even have much of a bump yet, but there is no hiding mine anymore. I don't know if it's because I was thin and pretty short to begin with, so there is nowhere for everything to go but outwards. I ended up telling a few of my closest friends a few weeks ago when I was still hiding it. They were shocked and they still don't really know what to say. They try to say nice things, but they have no idea what I'm dealing with. Despite feeling so big already I haven't felt any movements. I hope everything is ok. 

I have mixed feelings about involving the father. I talked to a few people with experience with adoption and they told me it will be much easier having him on board with the thole thing, especially when it comes to all the legal stuff. But I don't like that he thinks he can just say he doesn't plan to be involved with the baby if I keep it, but he's happy to be involved when I mention adoption. I'm sort of jealous that he can just make his decision so easily and it doesn't seem to bother him at all, while I am so torn and have to deal with it every day. It's like he is able to ignore the fact that I'm pregnant with HIS child 98% of the time. But honestly we were pretty close friends before this and I do want him to be there to talk to and to help me deal with some of this stuff. I miss not being as close to him or having him to talk to.


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## LeahLou

First off, you're incredibly brave! I got pregnant at 18 with my daughter and went through a lot of similar emotions. 
I decided that I wanted to raise her even though her biological Dad wasnt in the picture. I met my now husband and the man that helped me raise her when she was 8 months old. It hasn't been an easy ride, but beyond rewarding. 
Do what's best for you and the baby. Take your time and follow your instincts. Whether it be adoption or staying with you, you are doing so well!


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## ClairAye

:hugs: Sorry things have been so tough!


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## Cath_Heather

Hi there. I admire how brave and strong you are. My best friend got pregnant at 17 and still finished school(she went to school with a huge bump). She was bullied but kept strong.

No matter what choice you make, I know you will make the right one. I hope you doing well xx


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## MissWaiting

You are doing so amazingly. I know your looking at adoption and I don't know if it will help but check out Phil and Alex on YouTube they have 2 open adoptions both their daughters are adopted and they have playlists on their channel specific to adoption so you don't need to watch their infertility videos but they talk about the adoption from their point of view and how it worked for them and even being their for birth mom doing 100 day adoption for their youngest and they only had 9 days with their eldest birth mom. 
I hope that your doing ok and remember your so strong if you decide to put baby for adoption your doing what you think is best and if you keep baby your still such a strong woman xx


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## HLx

Following this thread! What a story! Hope we have an update x


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## mridula

You're such a strong girl :) May God bless you with all the more strength and happiness through all your future endeavors!! 

Following this thread... waiting for an update too!


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## Hickory

Just came across your thread and wanted to chime in along with the other ladies and commend you on your bravery!

Pregnancy is a crazy time even for women who are in the most perfect situations and tried their hardest to get pregnant. Fathers who set out to be fathers can totally flip flop when their partners get pregnant! Knowing a baby is coming somehow makes even the most carefully laid plans seem like minefields. You are doing the best you can (and doing it very gracefully, I might add), so don't be hard on yourself when things feel incredibly overwhelming and challenging ... you are not alone! 

Adoption is a beautiful option. A close friend of mine became pregnant on accident. She wants to live her life child-free and honestly had no business raising a kid at the time anyway, so she adopted her son to a local couple. It was the right thing for her to do, and years later she is still very happy with her decision.

Having a baby at this stage in life is challenging, but it's not a death sentence. Not only will you survive this, but you will thrive and succeed no matter what happens!

Hang in there girl.


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## blueberryx

Thanks for all the comments and support. 
A lot has been going on since I last posted. I turned 17. I’m about 22 weeks now. At my 20 weeks scan I found out I’m having a boy. I was so sure it was a girl. 

After finding out that it’s a boy and finally feeling him move this week, I’ve started to feel more of a connection to him. Before, I didn’t really feel a connection. I cared about my baby, but I didn’t feel a motherly connection or anything. This has made things more confusing for me in terms of figuring out what to do. In the meantime, the father and I found 2 adoptive families that we really like. I had looked at families before, like a month ago, and even though they all seemed like great families I didn’t see any that I could imagine my baby being part of. It made me feel depressed and uncomfortable so I decided to stop looking for a while. Now that I found an adoption agency that I like and am working with, I decided to start looking at families again by figured it’s be a while before I found any I liked, so I was really surprised and happy when I found 2 families in one day. I haven’t talked to them yet because the father and I just discussed them a few days ago and honestly I’m still sort of working up the courage to move onto the next step. Even though I’ve found these great families and feel like I’m making progress moving in that direction, these new feelings I’m having about the baby and making me question adoption. I just feel like it’s going to end up being an even harder decision than I thought, but I’m still leaning heavily toward adoption.


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## HLx

blueberryx said:


> Thanks for all the comments and support.
> A lot has been going on since I last posted. I turned 17. I’m about 22 weeks now. At my 20 weeks scan I found out I’m having a boy. I was so sure it was a girl.
> 
> After finding out that it’s a boy and finally feeling him move this week, I’ve started to feel more of a connection to him. Before, I didn’t really feel a connection. I cared about my baby, but I didn’t feel a motherly connection or anything. This has made things more confusing for me in terms of figuring out what to do. In the meantime, the father and I found 2 adoptive families that we really like. I had looked at families before, like a month ago, and even though they all seemed like great families I didn’t see any that I could imagine my baby being part of. It made me feel depressed and uncomfortable so I decided to stop looking for a while. Now that I found an adoption agency that I like and am working with, I decided to start looking at families again by figured it’s be a while before I found any I liked, so I was really surprised and happy when I found 2 families in one day. I haven’t talked to them yet because the father and I just discussed them a few days ago and honestly I’m still sort of working up the courage to move onto the next step. Even though I’ve found these great families and feel like I’m making progress moving in that direction, these new feelings I’m having about the baby and making me question adoption. I just feel like it’s going to end up being an even harder decision than I thought, but I’m still leaning heavily toward adoption.

Your so brave! Adoption is a lovely thing, but honestly I think if you kept your baby boy, you would be an amazing mum, you already seem very well educated and wiser beyond your years, I think you could do this!

Don't rush your decision, and take it slow if you have too.

My best friend had her baby girl at 17, the father wasn't around for long, but she done it with the help of her family and friends, her daughter is now 11 years old and they are like best friends :)

Just make sure whatever decision you make is what you absolutely want, not what others tell you to do x


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## OnErth&InHvn

I agree! DONT do it if your heart says no because you cant take it back later. They arent babysitting, they would have your baby forever.


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## Koifish

First off your very strong taking on a difficult situation! Stay strong and keep going, it will work itself out! It’s nice that you are considering adoption (I was adopted into a wonderful family, and I am happy my birth mother made that choice, I don’t know her though). On the flip side it may not be a bad idea to wait and see how you feel about it first. If you are not 100% committed you don’t want to jump into anything. I know someone who regretted adopting out their child, just make sure that it’s something you won’t regret, don’t let others pressure you or make the decision for you. If you are 100% with it then go for it and know that you are doing the best thing you can for him, your self and those who would become his family. Also know if you keep him you can do it, you can be a fantastic mom and your still doing the best thing you can for you and him, your new family! I hope it all works out for you!


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## blueberryx

Don’t worry, nobody is pressuring me in any direction with this decision. But I still just feel pressure from myself to make the right decision. Since I’ve obviously never had a baby or been a parent before I have no way to really know how I’ll feel once he’s born. Technically I can wait that long or even later to make the decision, but I would prefer to have a fairly certain decision made before he’s here. I’d like time to get to know the adoptive family so that I can feel they are the best choice.

I found 2 families that I really like. I didn’t expect to find them so quickly. Last time I looked at families a while ago I didn’t find any that were a good fit to me. So I got discouraged and stopped looking. Then when I decided to take a look again, I didn’t really expect to find any that stood out. But I found 2 families on the same day. I have a Skype call with one of them today. It’ll be my first time talking to them. My adoption counselor will be there with me, but I’m still so nervous!!! I’ll update afterwards.


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## blueberryx

Where do I begin with the update??

So we had the skype call with the potential adoptive family. It went so great!! I was really nervous because they're obviously complete strangers and it's just sort of an awkward situation to be in, but my adoption counselor was there with me the whole time to sort of mediate and guide it alone. She had prepared me ahead of time and help me come up with what I wanted to ask. The family and I have so much in common and similar backgrounds and stuff, so I really like that. I can actually picture my baby with this family, and I never thought I'd get to that point. I'm not making any promises to them yet or anything, but I feel so good about it that I think I'm probably going to move onto talking to them some more and eventually setting up an in person meeting. 

But then the next day the baby's father and I discussed everything after we had some time to process it. He was there for the call too and he's been supportive of the adoption and up until this point still maintained that he was 100% okay with adoption and had no interest in parenting. Now, he's saying he's not sure about adoption. He thinks that I've convinced myself that this is what I should do.He feels guilty because he thinks I've talked myself into adoption mainly since he said he wasn't going to be involved if I keep it. Of course, it upset me because I'm feeling positive about adoption after a lot of doubt, and now he's making me doubt myself all over again. But when I asked him what he'd do about college, how would i finish high school, what would we do about money, living arrangements, etc. he has no idea and just said "we'll figure it out." Like, it doesn't work that way. I can't wait until the baby is here to make all of these plans!!!


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## HLx

Really hope everything is okay! Sounds like the two of you are undecided on what you want to do! Will you get any help and support for the baby off your parents? My friend was in college and worked part time while living with her parents when she had her little girl, it worked out for her!

How are you?


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## blueberryx

HLx said:


> Really hope everything is okay! Sounds like the two of you are undecided on what you want to do! Will you get any help and support for the baby off your parents? My friend was in college and worked part time while living with her parents when she had her little girl, it worked out for her!
> 
> How are you?

Thanks. I am still leaning more toward adoption, and some days I feel more certain about it than others. Lately I've been feeling more conflicted about it, but I still don't really think I'm ready to be a parent. My parents would support me if I keep the baby. I mean I'd still live with them and they'd help me financially.


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## HLx

Good luck with whatever you decide hun, only you as the babys mother know what the right decision is x


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## noon_child

It may not be what you and your parents planned but you haven't done anything wrong. You had sex - something which is a normal and natural part of adult life - and you used protection but it failed, which is something that could happen to anyone.


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## blueberryx

Just a little update for anyone wondering....

We've officially decided on a family to adopt our baby. We've been talking to them for a while now, but just made it official recently. I've not met them in person yet though. We're meeting for the first time tomorrow. I'm so nervous but really excited. I feel a lot of relief now that I've made the decision to definitely place my baby for adoption and found this family.


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## OnErth&InHvn

I'm sad to hear that but happy you made a decision.


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## ClairAye

I'm glad you have come to a decision, best of luck with meeting them! :hugs:


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## HLx

I'm happy for you coming to a decision on what's the best for you baby. And good luck with meeting them :)


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## 3boys

Delighted you are happy with your decision and I hope the meeting goes well x


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## Cath_Heather

You are going to bless one amazing family. Im glad you are relieved and excited about your decision. You are one mature and smart girl.


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> Just a little update for anyone wondering....
> 
> We've officially decided on a family to adopt our baby. We've been talking to them for a while now, but just made it official recently. I've not met them in person yet though. We're meeting for the first time tomorrow. I'm so nervous but really excited. I feel a lot of relief now that I've made the decision to definitely place my baby for adoption and found this family.

You've come so far! I remember when you first posted. Thank you for bringing us along on this very intimate journey. I'm beyond happy you are feeling some relief. I know you've had some struggles. By this time, you'll have met with the family. I do hope it went well. You're almost due right? It's honestly so crazy when you finally see the little human you've been carrying inside of you. If i don't talk to you before then, i wish you a safe and healthy delivery/baby. Get plenty of rest


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## blueberryx

So the meeting on Saturday went really well. It wasn't as awkward as I worried that it'd be. I guess it helps that we'd been talking to each other a lot beforehand so it wasn't like they were strangers. I had sort of worried we'd basically talked about everything already and didn't know what we'd really say face to face but it ended up being really casual and not all about the baby and the adoption the whole time, which was sort of nice. We talked for over 2 hours and the time flew by actually. Well, I was probably awkward but they weren't, they were open and friendly and it didn't feel like an act. I just really like their personalities and I think they will make great parents. This will be their first child. It was really weird afterward when I was thinking "these are my son's parents." It's surreal in a way, but a good feeling. They aren't just these random people or this profile online anymore. They only live a few hours from me so we plan to meet up a few more times between now and when the baby is due. I only have a little over 2 months (due August 17) and of course if he comes early it might not even be that long!


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## HLx

I'm glad the meeting went well! Good luck to you hun, your a very brave young lady with a long amazing head in your shoulders x


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## Koifish

Glad to hear everything went well and you are happy with your decision. It sounds like you have found a nice family. Good luck!


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## Classic Girl

I just read your thread and must say that you are one extremely mature and well-spoken/written 17 year old. While I know this is never an easy decision, you’ve done your research and weighed your options with logic and reason.

Just remember that if you do, indeed, go through with this adoption, that you are giving THE MOST precious gift you could ever give to these parents. You should commend yourself for that for the rest of your life. Not just anyone can say that.


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## brittany12

Good luck with everything! Not sure if the Baby is here already or not or if you’re still doing adoption, but no matter what you have this baby a chance at life and that’s an amazing thing! You’re so brave and you should be proud!


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## Bevziibubble

I hope everything is going well <3


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## HLx

As everyone else has said... I hope everything has worked out for you :)


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## blueberryx

Thanks to everyone who had checked in and who offered advice and support throughout this whole experience for me.

I’m still here and still very pregnant. I’m due in about a week and a half. At my last appointment on Friday the doctor said baby makes no sign of coming any time soon, but it can all change very quickly. I’ve had some more intense pressure and cramping today so I really think it’s gonna happen soon. I’m so scared and anxious about the moment it happens since I have no idea when it’ll be. I try not to think of the actual birth because it terrifies me. I have a plan in place, have toured the hospital, know who is going to be there with me, and pretty much prepared in every way that I can and now the rest is just out of my control and I don’t like it. 

I am still placing the baby for adoption. I’ve gotten to know the adoptive family over the summer and I really feel that this is the family he belongs with and that these people are his parents. It’s still not easy and I get a knot in my stomach just thinking about how hard it will be to actually officially give him to them, but I know that I’m not ready to be a parent and that this is the best thing for all of us. They will not be there during he birth but will be coming to the hospital afterward (my request) and then he’ll go home with them.


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## Scout

I wish you all the best. I had a cousin place her daughter for adoption 14 years ago. She still says it was the best decision she could have made for that baby, and it was. I can't think of anything more loving and selfless when you know you aren't ready to be a mom.


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## brittany12

Agree! You’re doing an amazing thing and I’m not sure if the adoption is open or not but writing down your feelings Incase he ever has questions one day could be something super wonderful for you both!


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## blueberryx

Thank you! It’s going to be an open adoption. I’m not sure how much contact I want to have, but I guess we’ll figure that out as we go. The adoptive family just sent me pictures of the finished nursery last night. We communicate regularly, but it’s still just sort of awkward because it’s just not a situation that you really know how to handle completely. As the baby grow up I want to let him sort of decide how much contact he has with me and I’m going to accept whatever that might be.


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## ClairAye

:hugs: Wishing you all the best especially for over the next few weeks.


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## Bevziibubble

You're doing a wonderful thing <3 You're so strong, especially for your young age. Wishing you all the best :hugs:


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## MissMarpleFan

You are giving your baby and this childless couple the most generous gift possible. I hope they will be as strong and unselfish as you and be generous back in sharing your son with you in the future. Bless you. You sound like a great person.


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## Beccaboo828

You are an amazing young lady <3


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## HLx

Wishing you all the best, you are so wise beyond your years hun, and any future children you decide to have will be amazingly lucky to have you as their mum x


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## beckyv123

Wow what an amazing thing you’ve done, you sound so mature. Best of luck with the labour and delivery x


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## blueberryx

I gave birth to my son on August 15 at 3:03 am. He was 7 lbs, 11 oz and 20 inches long. At what was almost literally the last moment before the adoptive family took him home, I changed my mind and decided I couldn’t go through with the adoption. I still support adoption 100% and love the family that I had chosen. I had absolutely no plans to keep my baby, but I feel like I bonded with him the moment he came out and I just felt this feeling that he was mine and needed to stay with me. I didn’t tell anyone for about a full day after he was born since I was going to try to go through with the adoption and deal with my feelings. I had already expected that it wouldn’t be easy to give him to another family, but I’d spent months preparing for it and thought I could do it.

So we’ve been home a week now and I am still figuring everything out. I had no backup plan that involved me keeping him. I didn’t have any baby items, no diapers, absolutely nothing. We were discharged from the hospital and had to wait in the lobby for my mom to get back from the store with a car seat that she flew out to buy so I could bring him home. Thankfully some extended family brought back over some hand me down basic things like onesies just to get us through until we can get everything.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Oh thank goodness! One im glad he came healthy and two that you made a decision that made YOU happy. Im sure the family understands.


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## blueberryx

OnErth&InHvn said:


> Oh thank goodness! One im glad he came healthy and two that you made a decision that made YOU happy. Im sure the family understands.

 Thank you!! I am still dealing with the guilt I feel over changing my mind at the last minute. I feel horrible for what I’ve done to the adoptive family. I never intended to hurt them like this. I can’t imagine what they must be feeling toward me.


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## OnErth&InHvn

blueberryx said:


> Thank you!! I am still dealing with the guilt I feel over changing my mind at the last minute. I feel horrible for what I’ve done to the adoptive family. I never intended to hurt them like this. I can’t imagine what they must be feeling toward me.

They might be upset or happy or any number of things but im sure they knew going into this, that changing your mind was an option. 

Enjoy your son and you can still do this! Look how mature you are and all you were doing for him. Continue that and you'll be just fine. I bet hes cute as a button.


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## erher

blueberryx said:


> I gave birth to my son on August 15 at 3:03 am. He was 7 lbs, 11 oz and 20 inches long. At what was almost literally the last moment before the adoptive family took him home, I changed my mind and decided I couldn’t go through with the adoption. I still support adoption 100% and love the family that I had chosen. I had absolutely no plans to keep my baby, but I feel like I bonded with him the moment he came out and I just felt this feeling that he was mine and needed to stay with me. I didn’t tell anyone for about a full day after he was born since I was going to try to go through with the adoption and deal with my feelings. I had already expected that it wouldn’t be easy to give him to another family, but I’d spent months preparing for it and thought I could do it.
> 
> So we’ve been home a week now and I am still figuring everything out. I had no backup plan that involved me keeping him. I didn’t have any baby items, no diapers, absolutely nothing. We were discharged from the hospital and had to wait in the lobby for my mom to get back from the store with a car seat that she flew out to buy so I could bring him home. Thankfully some extended family brought back over some hand me down basic things like onesies just to get us through until we can get everything.

oh Blueberry,
I'm so fuckin happy for you. You can't imagine the joy i felt reading this. You called him your son!!! At that moment, i knew something had changed. Motherhood is wild to say the least, but nothing in this universe compares to the love you feel when holding your child.
I know you feel guilty, but better that than regretful. Enjoy your baby boy. We're all rooting for you!!!


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## HLx

I believe in you one million percent, you've gone through more than most of us at such a young age! And dont worry about items for your son, as long as he has the basics, and you in his life that all he will ever need. Congratulations on the birth and good luck for your future together, you wont regret your decision to keep your baby <3


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## 3boys

I'm so happy for you. I believe in adoption 100% but i also believe that if its possible the best place for baby is with its mom. I'm sure the adoptive parents you chose are hurting but also knew that these was a very real possibility. I dont believe you will regret it for one second!!! enjoy every minute! x x


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## Bevziibubble

So happy for you :)


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## ClairAye

Of course you will feel guilty but at the end of the day you need to put yourself first in your life and do what you need to do to make yourself happy. Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy and bringing him home! ♡


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## blueberryx

Thanks everyone! Between my family and the baby’s father’s family, we are getting most of what we need. I didn’t want to have to depend on our parents to have to buy everything, but with changing my mind last minute like this I didn’t have much of an option. I just want to be responsible for my son as much as I can. Unfortunately the baby’s father doesn’t really know what he should do and I think he’s still a little upset with me for changing my mind last minute and not even caring what he felt about it. So he ended up leaving for college yesterday. He is now states away from us. I know he felt unsure of what to do, but he already made plans based on us placing our baby for adoption. Honestly I haven’t had much time to feel upset about it since I’ve been so busy caring for the baby and figuring out what I’m doing, not sleeping, dealing with all the gross things going on with my body right now, and figuring out my own life and what I’ll do about school, etc. But I had a little breakdown about it today.


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## Beccaboo828

Congratulations!! You will be an amazing mama for him xx


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## HLx

Not to worry about the baby's father, he has a choice to be apart of his son's life, I think you'll do an amazing job x


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## 3boys

You will do fine! You are so young you have plenty of time to figure it out. I went back to college 3 years ago aged 31 and now have just this year and next before I qualify as a chartered accountant so it’s never too late! Your boyfriend should of thought of all these things before having sex. It’s unfair to blame anything on you or be negative in any way. Your baby boy is blessed to have you!


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## Rachael1981

Congratulations on your baby boy. I've just read your thread and it seems you have been on quite the rollercoaster.

The adoptive family will be upset, yes, but I imagine they also knew that it wasn't 100% and you could change your mind at any time.

You will be am amazing Mum. It sounds like you have a supportive family and that everyone has rallied round to get the things you need.

Don't worry about baby's Dad for now. He had made plans to go off to college based on the baby going up for adoption. I would leave the door open so that if he wants to be part of son's life when the dust settles he can be. Until then you will do your little boy proud.

Everything has a way of working out, no matter what. You're young. You can enjoy your boy now whilst he's tiny and then think about your education at a later time. They are tiny for such a short time. Enjoy every second whilst you can


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## brittany12

You will go through tons of emotions over the next several weeks! From excitement, abundance of love, happiness, questioning what you’re doing as a first time mom, if you can do this, did you make the right decision, a love so deep it hurts.. literally all the feelings! A lot of it is hormonal changes in your body right now and a lack of sleep! But you’ll get through it! You’ll see in the end the decision was the right one! I’m sure the family was heart broken as they prepared to love the baby but I’m also sure they completely understand the change of mind as they go into this knowing that’s a possibility! 

Also having someone to talk to whether your parents or a therapist would probably be a great idea for you if it starts to feel too crazy! 

You’re going to be an amazing mother! Dads family sounds supportive too even with him gone off to college! The baby needs a car seat, food, diapers, a few outfits and tons of love! You’re doing great momma! 

Congratulations!


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## Koifish

Congratulations!! I am happy to hear baby is here and healthy!! I really didn’t expect to see that post but good for you for knowing that he was meant to be yours and keeping him! I think adoption is great but I think it’s fantastic that you chose to keep him! I am sure the family is heart broken but at the same time when you go into adoption you know that this outcome is always possible, especially if the baby hasn’t arrived yet. A lot of people don’t really make a connection until the baby is born! Don’t feel guilty as you did what was best for you and your baby. I am really happy for you!

As for everything else it sounds like both families are very supportive and helping out which is great! A few clothes, diapers, food and love is all your little man needs! You’ll do great, lots of emotions and things to get through the first few months but once it settles you can figure the rest out. Just focus on baby and take some time off. You can always start back school with an online program or partial online and go from there!

I wish you the best of luck, you’ve got this mama!


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## blueberryx

My baby boy is 6 weeks old today, omg! I have been at home taking care of him the whole time. My parents and I met with my school several weeks ago to come up with a plan or arrangement to allow me to make up my work and return to school full time like normal. The school policy will only allow me to be out for as long as medically necessary for recovery, meaning now that I’m at the 6 week mark I have to go back. I start school back up again on Monday. I’ve had access to a lot of my class pages online and we all have iPads with most of our assignments being submitted electronically anyway, so I’ve been able to work in some stuff on my own. My school is providing a tutor to help me catch up when I return, but I have to stay after school a few hours each day for several weeks. I want to go back and be with my friends and finish my last year there, but I’m just dreading going back at the same time. Any mommas out there that had a baby while also in school full time? Any tips or tricks on how to survive? I figure I won’t get home until after 5 and will still have homework to do in that window before bed but baby will need me too. I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and it’s not even started yet.

Baby’s dad went away to college like I previously mentioned. After 2 weeks he withdrew and came back home because he felt guilty. So he has applied to a college close to home so he can live at home still, but that won’t start next year. So he’s going to be watching the baby while I’m at school from now through Christmas. I’ve spent the last week and a half catching him up in everything and showing him what to do. I’m glad he will be here to help but I’m feeling jealous that once I go back to school I won’t really be the main one caring for our son anymore.


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## OnErth&InHvn

I think reminding your friends that you have a baby. You cant just drop everything anymore and go out with them. Some stuff baby can come too though. Going to prom? Maybe baby stays home. Going to dinner? Bring baby.

You are still caring for him and he will be ok. Can your tutor meet you somewhere so you can care for the baby? Library? Home? Park? Can dad bring the baby to you?


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## Bevziibubble

^Great ideas :)


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## blueberryx

OnErth&InHvn said:


> I think reminding your friends that you have a baby. You cant just drop everything anymore and go out with them. Some stuff baby can come too though. Going to prom? Maybe baby stays home. Going to dinner? Bring baby.
> 
> You are still caring for him and he will be ok. Can your tutor meet you somewhere so you can care for the baby? Library? Home? Park? Can dad bring the baby to you?

My friends have been pretty good. They know I have a baby and can’t really do stuff with them like I used to. They’ve come over and visited, but their busy with their own normal, non-parent lives. 

I’m using one of the school tutors and it’s not really something that I can arrange to do elsewhere. Plus, I don’t think I’d be able to focus if baby was there...I already found it hard enough to do schoolwork when he’s awake so I mainly have to wait til he’s sleeping to start on anything.


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## OnErth&InHvn

That's good your friends are understanding overall. Do you have a MOPS group around you? It's a moms group with free childcare. They have daytime and evening meetings once a month. I know they have a teen version and 18+ version. That might be a way to connect with other young moms who understand you best. MOPS.org and then search for a group. 

What time is his bedtime? Can you tweak that to allow more time or do it while someone else is feeding? Bathing? Even those extra minutes could help. Maybe you sit in the bathroom and grandma bathes him but you can be there and get school done or dad feeds him his last bottle and you get started a few minutes earlier? 

Hm, I dont know if im being helpful or grasping at straws. I do know other moms have done it before you so I know theres a solution, it's just finding the right one for you. 
You've got this and you'll look back thinking " I thought that?!".


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## brittany12

I just want to say it’s going to be an adjustment like everything has been and you’re doing great! You will do great! It’s amazing the baby’s father will be able to keep the baby and how special it’ll be for them! You’ll still be there to care for baby and unless y’all get back together it’ll always be this way for coparenting! So think of it that way. I don’t have much advice for the other stuff just wanted to let you know you’re doing awesome!


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## blueberryx

OnErth&InHvn said:


> That's good your friends are understanding overall. Do you have a MOPS group around you? It's a moms group with free childcare. They have daytime and evening meetings once a month. I know they have a teen version and 18+ version. That might be a way to connect with other young moms who understand you best. MOPS.org and then search for a group.
> 
> What time is his bedtime? Can you tweak that to allow more time or do it while someone else is feeding? Bathing? Even those extra minutes could help. Maybe you sit in the bathroom and grandma bathes him but you can be there and get school done or dad feeds him his last bottle and you get started a few minutes earlier?
> 
> Hm, I dont know if im being helpful or grasping at straws. I do know other moms have done it before you so I know theres a solution, it's just finding the right one for you.
> You've got this and you'll look back thinking " I thought that?!".

Oh no it’s totally helpful. I just appreciate anyone taking time to give me advice or some thoughts. I’ve never heard of MOPS so I’ll check it out.

Right now I’m still working to get him on more of a set schedule. He doesn’t have a set bedtime but I mean I do try to put him down within a general time frame. Honestly he had been dictating the schedule basically, depending on how often he was eating. I’m also breastfeeding right now but considering switching to formula or at least supplementing to make it easier on me and to give me flexibility for others to help out. I have a breast pump that I just got and that’s not going so well right now. Maybe I can try pushing back the bedtime routine because it really won’t affect him as far as the morning goes since his dad is coming to my house in the mornings to take care of him, at least for now.


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## blueberryx

brittany12 said:


> I just want to say it’s going to be an adjustment like everything has been and you’re doing great! You will do great! It’s amazing the baby’s father will be able to keep the baby and how special it’ll be for them! You’ll still be there to care for baby and unless y’all get back together it’ll always be this way for coparenting! So think of it that way. I don’t have much advice for the other stuff just wanted to let you know you’re doing awesome!

Thanks! I should focus more on the positives and be thankful that he’ll get to spend time with his dad since he’s spent most of his first weeks with me and my family. I know I have to get used to coparenting now and I’m really thankful that his dad has decided to be involved, but after several weeks of me being the only parent and trying to do absolutely everything for my son it’s sort of weird to have another person there to help out. My parents were helping of course, but as far as day to day care I tried not to let them do anything more than any regular grandparents would do.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Have you contacted la leche league (also free moms group with daytime and evening meetings, free childcare) to ask about pumping or supplementing? LLLI.ORG and search for a group.


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