# Really struggling to let go of wanting a girl



## HopefulPony

We found out yesterday we are having a boy. We both had a feeling baby was a boy and although I was worried about how I would react to finding out I didn't know I would be this upset. I'm not really sure how to rationalise what I'm feeling at the moment because its all so new and scary. I always imagined I would have a girl, never pictured myself with a boy. We are a female couple and have very few male friends, hardly any men in our lives. I just always imagined how wonderful it would be with a little girl, and now we are not going to have that. I'm so ashamed of feeling this way because we are so lucky to have our boy, we wanted him so much and I just wanted to be a mummy. I've had a difficult pregnancy and have found it really hard to identify with being pregnant and bonding with the baby has been really hard. Now I just don't know what to do. I know there are tons of positives about having a boy but I can't seem to focus on them right now. I thought reading people's posts on here might make me feel better and that I'm not disappointed, but it's just brought out a lot of grief that I didn't know I had :(


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## MrsP2be

Firstly , sending you a huge hug as know how you are feeling. I was absolutely devastated when I found out the gender of my baby. Like you , I'd longed for a baby ( there will be 16 years between my eldest son and my little one whe he gets here )

I was overjoyed when I fell pregnant , as didn't think I'd ever have the chance to have aa baby again. Desperately wanted a little girl for several reasons and as my pregancy felt different to what I could remember of my first one , I was really hoping I had a baby girl growing inside me. I have always yearned for a girl.

The day I had my scan , my world was turned upside down. I really didn't know that I would feel like I did. I couldn't bear to touch my tummy , I felt sick at the thought of having a boy inside me , I referred to the baby as "IT" and cried all that weekend.

My fiancee was upset at how upset I was, but I felt even worse as he really would love a liitle boy. Until that moment , he hadn't told me how much he wanted a boy , and said I'd made him feel dreadful that he hadn't given me what I wanted and was now worried that I would "get rid" of the baby.

At that time , I felt like I was grieving for my little girl - but was confused as how can you grieve for someone you've never known or met ? I felt selfish and angry with myself for felling like I was when there are so many people that can't have children for various reasons, I felt cross with myself for upsetting and hurting my fiancee as he is the love of 
my life and would never want to hurt him. I also hated my sister ( who I love very much ) and was full of resentment towards her as she had found out a few weeks before that she was having a little girl.

I can honestly say , I have never ever felt so angry , upset, confused or messed up in my life.

My midwife has been amazing , and so has my fiancee. Don't bottle things up , it's hard to talk about how you feel , but talk to your midwife and your partner.

You will deal with your feelings in your own way ..... Its been 7 weeks since I found out that I was having a little boy and I am really looking forward to meeting him. He has a name , and I've been buying things for him. It was hard at first as everything I saw in the shops was pink , and pretty and all the stuff for boys had stupid dinosaurs , or trains or monstrs on and I hated it. I've thrown myself into looking for clothes that haven't got motifs on and now enjoy shopping for my little fella.

I still get upset , although not as much. I now look at things in a different light ...... Although I still yearn for a little girl , I focus on the fact that my little lad will be here soon and I can't wait to meet him , and hopefully , when I do get my little girl , she'll have a lovely big brother to look after her. 

Sending you huge hug ...... Stay strong darling , you'll work things out in your own time and in your own way. Feel free to send me a private message if you wish , or any of the other ladies on here. No-one will judge you , and I'm sure you will find support on here to know that you're not alone xxxxxx


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## BeccaxBump

You'll find these feelings will pass in time. I can totally understand why you would feel this way, as I really wanted a girl (I'm very lucky that it happened) but the thought of having a boy made me feel so sad. I just wouldn't bond with a boy or feel connected to him. I just didn't want a boy at all.

I can see why you'd want a girl too, you're both women, so you probably relate to each other really well as a couple. You feel the love you can give each other as women and think that it is amazing, so having a daughter and being three girls would of been the icing on the cake.

I'm always here if you'd like a chat, you or your wife.

xoxox


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## HopefulPony

Thank you very much ladies. Things have really broken down for me since finding out, I've been feeling terrible and discovered my depression which I had pre-pregnancy has come back. I'm not interested in being pregnant and sometimes feel I don't want to be in this situation. I saw the Dr and feel reassured that a lot of the negative thoughts I'm having are depression related, and I've been given some tablets so hopefully they will help. I don't think it's all about the gender thing, it's been coming on for a while. :(


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## Mummy2B21

:hugs:


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## HopefulPony

It's getting much better now. I'm starting to bond with little boy bub and I love listening to his heartbeat. My wife and I both feel that maybe a girl wasn't meant for us, a we would have such expectations for her, and we might end up disappointed in her which would be horrific - this little boy is a clean slate and we can't wait to see who he becomes! I still feel really sad about not being able to do the girl thing, but I'm really looking forward to meeting our little boy! :)


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## jenniferttc1

Honestly, I felt disappointed during my pregnacy, it got easier...but still disappinted. UNTIL I held him in my arms andit all disappeared instantly. I went from wanting all girls, to all boys. They are AMAZING, and sooooo cute!


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## HopefulPony

It's one month on from finding out we are having a boy, and things have really fallen into place. Our little boy is going to be named George Oliver and I genuinely can't wait to have him in my arms. I wouldn't swap him for all the little girls in the world. I love feeling his little kicks and nudges (even if he does kick my bladder!!!) and I often find used looking at his potty shot and thinking "how exciting, a little boy!!!" The pain I was experiencing has subsided... I do still feel sad about not being able to buy girly things, but overwhelmingly I can't wait to meet my little son. I love him so much already and I jus love the feeling of knowing I'm carrying him inside me. Every feeling of not wanting him has just melted away. I don't know if we will ever have another baby and if we will ever have a girl, but that's really ok. 

I just wanted to share this with you ladies who are struggling, there IS hope and it does get better xxxxx


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## MrsP2be

I love that name ! If it wasn't for the fact that we have a George in the family already, My little munchkin in my tummy would be a George !!!

I know what you mean about the bladder situation..... I swear my little fella uses it as a space hopper to bounce around on !

It's lovely to hear that you are feeling different about things now. Big hug to you and your good lady ( and George ! ) xxx


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## foxiechick1

HopefulPony said:


> It's one month on from finding out we are having a boy, and things have really fallen into place. Our little boy is going to be named George Oliver and I genuinely can't wait to have him in my arms. I wouldn't swap him for all the little girls in the world. I love feeling his little kicks and nudges (even if he does kick my bladder!!!) and I often find used looking at his potty shot and thinking "how exciting, a little boy!!!" The pain I was experiencing has subsided... I do still feel sad about not being able to buy girly things, but overwhelmingly I can't wait to meet my little son. I love him so much already and I jus love the feeling of knowing I'm carrying him inside me. Every feeling of not wanting him has just melted away. I don't know if we will ever have another baby and if we will ever have a girl, but that's really ok.
> 
> I just wanted to share this with you ladies who are struggling, there IS hope and it does get better xxxxx


What a wonderful update! Thank you for sharing! You will both make wonderful mummies and your DS is very lucky. Honestly boys are truly amazing, my DS wakes up every morning and gives me a kiss and cuddle and tells me how much he loves me. He is the most affectionate child I've ever seen and lightens up my day every single day! Welcome to team blue it rocks! :o) xxx


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