# i lost my baby at 18 weeks



## WILSMUM

hi
i don't really know what to say or how to start, its all still very raw, i lost my baby over the weekend i was 18 weeks but baby only measured 15 weeks.
I had no idea anything was wrong until i experienced some slight brown bleeding/discharge on saturday morning that was only there when i wiped after going to the toilet. I was convinced it was nothing and was just going to ignore it but so glad i didn't and that i did tell my dh and phoned the hospital and went and got checked out. it was then that they told us there was no heartbeat and we arranged to go in on monday for me to be induced but nature had other intentions, around half 5 sat night i started getting pains they came and went, contractions i guess, i kinda just thought it was normal and just got on with looking after my 2 other children but come half 9 i started shaking uncontrollable so dh started phoning round people to get someone to babysit just in case, he literally had been off the phone 2 minutes when i guess my waters broke, he got straight back on the phone i went up to the bathroom where i felt this kinda whoosh looked down and there was the baby, i called for dh he took one look and called for an ambulance, we had to wait over an hour for it to arrive during which time i delivered the baby and the afterbirth sat in the shower cubicle. i don;t think i will ever get the image of my tiny baby laying on the floor between my legs looking up at me out of my head. i had to have a scan at the hospital to make sure i had delivered everything and then stay in overnight. baby is being sent off for chromosone analysis and we'll get the results within the next 3 months.
i don't really know how i should be feeling or whati should be doing, i have 2 children already so have to get on with "normal" life for them and for a few seconds i feel like everything is "normal" and ok and then i remember and start welling up again!
I had an early mc at 5 weeks about 2 years ago and that was nothing compared tothis, this is the most awful thing. and the most ironic thing is that it is and will be the only time i have given birth naturall my 2 previous were c-sections.


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## lynn1216

omg hun that sounds like a tramatic experience! i cant imagine what its like!
hugs! youll be in my prayers ! its something that will get better in time i promise


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## carly_mummy2b

Oh hun that sounds sp very trumatic I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx


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## Andypanda6570

I am so sorry :cry::cry::cry: I lost my Ava at 20 weeks and the same way as you . I went in for amniocentesis and before they do this they do a regular sonogram and that is when they told me Ava was gone/ I had to stay 3 days ( Knowing she was gone)with her in me until they were going to do what is called a D&E. I was prepared for the D&E and I was supposed to go to the hospital in the morning. Well i didn't know what a D&E was and when i googled it I refused to go to the hospital and had Ava like you , my doctor wanted to kill me, he said I could have bled to death. I already was prepared for the D&E had what they call seaweed up me, it opens the cervix so the D&E can be performed. I wanted Ava to come into this world my way, I still can't believe at age 40 i didn't know what a D&E was/ I am not saying it is wrong to have this done but it was just not for me. I wont get into what the procedure is and not even my best friend who knew what it was told me, she was afraid to :cry: So when I googled it I said NO way and I refused to go. I went into labor and 30 minutes she was out and I went to the hospital and we held her and I was released 3 hrs later, We buried Ava on 3/11/2011 and she was born on 3/3/2011. I don't regret my choice but I would not recommend it. It should have been explained to me what a D&E was, they would have explained it right before it was done in the hospital , but that isn't right IMO, I should have known what it was before I was prepared for it. I am still devastated over this loss and always will be, it never goes away the pain just gets manageable. We did test her cells to see what happened and why she died but her cells didn't grow so we don't know what happened and never will. I am so sorry and if you ever need to talk I am always here.
XOXO Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## nicksi27

Hello I'm so sorry for your loss - I lost my baby boy 4 weeks ago. He had no hb on our 20 week scan and I gave birth two days later. I have no words of advice as to how to get through this - I'm an absolute mess I can't think straight. My baby was my whole life and I feel so empty now without him I wish I could have protected him. I hope u find some comfort in the coming weeks xx


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## WILSMUM

thank you all for yr kind words.
Andrea I have no idea what a d&e is either - i've heard of a d&c but think that is for earlier losses. they explained to me on the sat that when i came in on the monday i would be given a pessary in my vagina and then an oral tablet every 2 hours until labour started and then they would take the baby and a sample of the placenta along with a blood sample from me and all would be sent to newcastle for chromosone analysis but due to having to wait so long for the ambulance and the placenta being delivered literally as they arrived in my shower cubicle they weren't able to send any of that as it would have been contaminated so i'm not sure what they will be able to find out from just the baby and my blood. I never really held it just when it first came out i was standing up and i put my hands under me just as a impulse reaction and then held it while i sat on the floor, they asked if we wanted to see it at the hospital I said i'd already had and dh didn't want to but now i just have visions of this little thing in a jar as that is how they preserve it to send it to newcastle. they couldn;t tell us the sex at the hospital as it was too early but i presume they will be able to find out from the chromosome analysis, i just don't knwo if i want to know the sex, i don't know it it'll make it easier or harder knowing.
i just can;t believe its all happened, i can't believe that the healthy wriglley baby i saw witht he strong heartbeat at my 12 week scan now isn't here growing in me anymore. i don't understand why this has happened. everything was ok, the nuchal scan results came back low risk and a couple of weeks after that scan my babys heart just stopped beating. life really is so harsh at times.


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## v2007

I am so sorry. 

:hugs:

V sxxx


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## tummymummy

Im so sorry sweetie. Life is truly awful at times. I am so sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

WILSMUM said:


> thank you all for yr kind words.
> Andrea I have no idea what a d&e is either - i've heard of a d&c but think that is for earlier losses. they explained to me on the sat that when i came in on the monday i would be given a pessary in my vagina and then an oral tablet every 2 hours until labour started and then they would take the baby and a sample of the placenta along with a blood sample from me and all would be sent to newcastle for chromosone analysis but due to having to wait so long for the ambulance and the placenta being delivered literally as they arrived in my shower cubicle they weren't able to send any of that as it would have been contaminated so i'm not sure what they will be able to find out from just the baby and my blood. I never really held it just when it first came out i was standing up and i put my hands under me just as a impulse reaction and then held it while i sat on the floor, they asked if we wanted to see it at the hospital I said i'd already had and dh didn't want to but now i just have visions of this little thing in a jar as that is how they preserve it to send it to newcastle. they couldn;t tell us the sex at the hospital as it was too early but i presume they will be able to find out from the chromosome analysis, i just don't knwo if i want to know the sex, i don't know it it'll make it easier or harder knowing.
> i just can;t believe its all happened, i can't believe that the healthy wriglley baby i saw witht he strong heartbeat at my 12 week scan now isn't here growing in me anymore. i don't understand why this has happened. everything was ok, the nuchal scan results came back low risk and a couple of weeks after that scan my babys heart just stopped beating. life really is so harsh at times.

My scans were all fine also. Ava's heartbeat was picked up at 7 weeks it was 192 and my doctor said that was a great sign and my Nuchal was normal and my risks were not bad for my age 40. Her heart just stopped and I will never know why. I hope you find some answers, cause it hurts so much when you just don't know what happened.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
A D&E is performed after 15 weeks, cause the baby is to big for a D&C, put it this way after the D&E is performed the baby is not in one piece, that is all I will say ...:cry::cry:


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## WILSMUM

yes i have the feeling it will be the same for us - that they won't find anything and we'll never no why its heart stopped. i hate calling it it but i don't know if finding out the sex would make things easier or harder.
i don't think i want to know anymore about a d&e and i completely understand why you stayed home.


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## Krippy

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful child.


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## Miss Mitch

So sorry for your loss, we are all here for you if you want to talk xx


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## Cracker

Oh my goodness Wilsmum I haven't been on here since I lost our baby at 15 weeks, but we were only a few days different for due date. I am so incredibly sorry when I read this.

I suddenly lost my baby in the A&E toilet 240 miles from home and like you was just sat there holding it. I had to have an op to remove the placenta though. We are waiting for the results of the postmortem and placental analysis - but they have said it is unlikely to show anything, but we will wait and see.

We chose not to name the baby but we did find out the sex which was initially really hard as then you can imagine your life with the baby even more but I am glad 4 weeks down the line that we did.

You will have very teary moments that come upon you for no real reason, just embrace them and it is all part of the grieving process. I feel for you I really do and if you ever want to chat with someone going through something very similar, feel free to message me xx


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## WILSMUM

thank you cracker, i was 18 weeks but the baby measured around 15 weeks and they couldn't tell us the sex at the hospital. The same as you we're waiting on the chromosone analysis but because I passed the placenta in the shower cubicle at home they couldn't send that away as it would have been contaminated, even before that happened they said the likelihood of actually gettign any answers would be slim so I guess now with only the baby and my blood the likelihood will be even less. I do wonder tho if they will be able to tell the sex from the chromosone analysis.

Did they say how long it would be before you get the results? They told us it could be 3 months before we get an appointment at the clinic to go over everything and get the results!


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## jojo23

im so sorry you went through such a traumatic experience hun! i lost my little girl last year at 22 weeks but i was in the hospital at the time i cant imagine how scared you must have been at home! the ladies here are amazing and really got me through some hard times so dont be afraid to ask all the questions you need and know that we are always here for you! xoxoxox


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## calm

So sorry :(


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## heatherlyne90

i am soooo sorry, i lost my son at 15 weeks and i delivered at home as well... theres no pain that goes deeper than that and i will send up a prayer for you and your little angel. :hugs::hugs::hugs: keep your head up, though the pain never leaves completely it does get better and youll make it through i promise.


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## WILSMUM

thank you all, it just doesn't quite seem real now, almost like it happened to someone else and not me.


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## Cracker

My GP said to contact him in a month but I haven't been offered any sort of meeting to discuss it - he said if he hadn't for the results in a month he will chase them up.
I would love the opportunity to discuss it with a specialist but haven't
Been offered it, has anyone else?

I think in my case the continual heavy bleeding ruptured my waters and triggered labour.

I completely agree, it feels incredibly surreal


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## WILSMUM

we were told we'd get an appointment at the clinic at the hospital within 3 months to get the results and follow up, I'm guessing it will be wiht a doctor/consultant that works in gyne/labour ward but don't know.

I have no idea what caused it - the babys heart just stopped beating at around 15 weeks and then 3 weeks later i started spotting and then my body just went into labour by itself.

The not knowing why is horrible but the probability is that the analysis results won't show anything and we will never know. All the health professinals have stressed that there is no reason for us to wait physically and if we do want to try again we can as soon as we feel we want to.


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## punkrockmama

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## george83

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Bec C

Thinking of you hun. Noone deserves this you have been through the mill, it takes time to get over this its been 8 months for me and I am still struggling, my daughter was 21 weeks. Just be gentle with yourself and take your time.

For me I would have to know what sex my baby was, but its up to you, maybe ask them to find out, but not to say until you have decided you want to know. 

Take care my love and hope you have some gentle days ahead xx


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## WILSMUM

thank you everyone - i really don't like having to refer to the baby as it and have without thinking/realising been refering to it as him a lot. ATM it all seems very surreal like its happened to someone else, I think if we found out the sex it would make it all more real.


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## SabrinaKat

Im sorry to hear about your very traumatic story, but hope that you will take some comfort in the fact that the ladies here are incredibly supportive -- my loss was much earlier (at 7-8wks), but I always assumed it was a little girl (because I wanted one so much, my rainbow is a little boy, but I love him to absolute bits!) , perhaps if you don't find out the sex, you could at least refer to 'it' as the baby/I refer to 'mine' as my lost little one?

best wishes


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## dobbyrocks

I delivered my 17 weeker at home. My water broke suddenly and the baby just fell out of me. I think my baby must have died a few weeks earlier because it was very small for 17 weeks gestation. When it happenned, I first felt some water come out. It was brownish tinged. I ran to the toilet and then the baby just came out. I still can't believe this happenned. At the time, I was really in shock. I looked at the baby but purposely did not try to tell the gender...I just didn't want to know what it was i had lost. I wish I had held it to my chest and cradled it some but after I delivered I started bleeding and ended up hemorrhaging and had to have an emergency D&E and 3 units of blood. I was in the hospital for 2 days. We kept the baby at home (I didn't want to send my baby out for pathology) and buried the body in our family plot. My husband suggested the name "Jordan" which will work for either a boy or a girl. It wasn't a name we were considering but i love it now and it's so much better to have a name to focus on rather than "it". The stone we ordered for the cemetary says "We Will Hold You in Heaven"....I love you and miss you my little Jordan!


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## WILSMUM

i'm so sorry for yr loss hun - sounds very similar to mine although I had some warning with brown tinged spotting in the morning which prompted me to go to the hospital to get checked out where we found out our babies heart had stopped beating and by its size they said it had happened at about 15 weeks, also at hospital once I'd had the baby they said they couldn't tell the sex as it was to early - I only saw the babies head and chest as it was still attached to me until the ambulance arrived and I didn't know what to do, so I didn;t get the chance/opportunity to look for myself.

I do know what you mean about having a name, I don't think my Dh would want to give it a name as it would make it all that more real for him, he's only recently been able to refer to it as a baby, before he kept calling it a foetus. 

How long has it been since you lost yr angel?


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## dobbyrocks

I lost my Jordan on March 14 of this year...2 weeks and 5 days. It seems like one long continuous nightmare. But I am back at work now which helps keep the days busy. Ordering the stone, choosing the name, even burying the baby (which we have already done) have helped. My DH and I both wrote letters to the baby and we wrapped the body in a tiny blanket that my dear friend's grandmother made just for that purpose. Today has been a pretty good day. Yesturday I spent the whole day in tears (and in bed). I guess all we can do it take it one day at a time.


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## henrysmumkaz

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

I'm so sorry for the losses. Life can be so very cruel. I hope the coming days, weeks and months are gentle on you x


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## WILSMUM

i lost my angel on the 10th march this year so only a few days Before u. I doont work and dh is just starting up working self employed so i was forced back to 'normality' within a ciuple of days! I had to take my son to school 3 days after which was hard. Its sn odd feeling to c everyine getting on with lifenas normal when u feel like everything has stopped xxx


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## Moti

I'm so, so sorry for your loss...:hugs:


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