# Need Advice!!!



## Andypanda6570

I am SOoooooo upset right now! My best friend of 30 years and I got into a little fight yesterday :cry: I was telling her how I think I may need some counseling cause its been 7 months and I still cry every single day and maybe it is better if i talk with others that understand me. She tells me well I understand you :shrug::shrug::shrug:I said Nooooo you don't, you are a great friend and I know you have been to hell and back but you don't understand me, she started screaming I DO TOO ,I DO TOO and then I screamed YOU DO NOT, YOU DO NOT!! She can't have babies she had cervical cancer so she had to get a surrogate and a donor and her husbands sperm and she had 3 beautiful triplets, they will be 4 in January and I love them to death. I know she has been through hell and could never carry a child and I know she understands the part when I could not be around pregnant women cause she could not either, but she can not ever ever understand loosing your child , am I wrong? I said ,well screamed are you fucking crazy , you think you know what i lost , you think you know how it feels to loose your baby? And I said I am hanging up and don't you dare call me back and she didn't. It was the way she was saying she understood me, she was creaming it on the phone :cry: how dare she. I am so upset and I refuse to call her. What are your thoughts...xoxoox :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Imalia

I know how you feel. She more than likely doesn't understand, because you can't unless you've been through it.

I feel the same, that no one understands me, not even you wonderful women on here, because none of you are in the same situation as me. We've all lost babies, that's true, but it took so long for me to get pregnant, and with no real likelyhood of ever getting pregnant again. I lost a baby it took ten years to conceive, and the only chance I'll probably ever have to be a mother.

I doubt your friend meant to be hurtful, she's probably just as hurt as you are because she doesn't understand why she can't understand what you're going through.


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## babesx3

:hugs: Andypanda..i'm not sure of the answer.. i've fell out with a lot of 'friends' who have either dissapointed me or let me down..over the loss of charlie..noone really understands the heart ripping of being told your baby is dead and the heart wrenching whenever u think of them... 
my patience with others has definately got very thin... 
:hugs: i hope u and your friend can resolve your issues..i'm sure she hurts a lot not being able to concieve.... i guess its not making it a competition of who hurts more , but hugging and helping each other thru the pain :friends:


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## babesx3

Imalia said:


> I know how you feel. She more than likely doesn't understand, because you can't unless you've been through it.
> 
> I feel the same, that no one understands me, not even you wonderful women on here, because none of you are in the same situation as me. We've all lost babies, that's true, but it took so long for me to get pregnant, and with no real likelyhood of ever getting pregnant again. I lost a baby it took ten years to conceive, and the only chance I'll probably ever have to be a mother.
> 
> I doubt your friend meant to be hurtful, she's probably just as hurt as you are because she doesn't understand why she can't understand what you're going through.

:hugs: Imalia xxxxx i am hoping very much u get blessed with a rainbow baby really soon :friends:


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## Imalia

Thanks Babesx3, But I'm pretty much just trying to come to terms with the fact it'll never happen. :s


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## SarahJane

You are so right that she doesn't understand hun :hugs:

Sadly, most people in daily life don't :cry:

I guess you need to ask whether she is a good friend or not. if so, do what you can to explain that it is different and explain that she doesn't understand your situation in the same way that you don't really understand hers. 

I really hope you work it out xxx


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## SarahJane

Imalia - I am so sorry for your loss :hugs: - I hope you get your dreams made true xxxx


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## Hellylou

I hope you work this out with your friend soon. I think it's so hard to talk to someone else who has had their own problems but not been through the same thing as you have, and it becomes a comparison thing. There is no comparison, and all you can really do is acknowledge each others' pain without really relating it to your own. It's so hard for everyone to get right.

Imalia, I feel for you, and am sending positive thoughts and wishes your way.:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> I hope you work this out with your friend soon. I think it's so hard to talk to someone else who has had their own problems but not been through the same thing as you have, and it becomes a comparison thing. There is no comparison, and all you can really do is acknowledge each others' pain without really relating it to your own. It's so hard for everyone to get right.
> 
> Imalia, I feel for you, and am sending positive thoughts and wishes your way.:hugs:


I will never understand not knowing what it is to carry a child i know that but she should not say she knows what it is like to loose a child and It is not that she said it , it was the way :cry: yelling at me I DO TOO :nope::nope::nope: When I know she does not. It has been 2 days and still we are not talking, I will not call her, she needs to call me and apologize. .
You know what I am really scared of :cry::cry::cry: I think maybe she is just sick of my pain and crying all the time she thinks its been 7 months and i should be through it. You know as well as me for people who never lost a baby they just don't know. I am thinking this might be the end of our friendship. Nobody understands me, nobody :cry::cry::cry::cry:

Imalia., I am so deeply sorry :cry::cry::cry::cry: I can't even imagine what you go through daily, I am just so sorry :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:. I wish I could make us all better .....xooxoxxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## bek74

Oh honey I am so sorry. I hope this doesn't end your friendship as you have both been through to much.
I agree she doesn't know what it is like to lose a child but maybe that isn't what she meant by saying I do too. Maybe she just meant she does no what it is like to be in a dark place and feel like your never going to get through it, to feel like your alone and that nobody understands you, to feel so sad, so scared and to always wonder why me, why me.
I think maybe that is what she meant. 
I love you and hope u both work this out xxx


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## Andypanda6570

bek74 said:


> Oh honey I am so sorry. I hope this doesn't end your friendship as you have both been through to much.
> I agree she doesn't know what it is like to lose a child but maybe that isn't what she meant by saying I do too. Maybe she just meant she does no what it is like to be in a dark place and feel like your never going to get through it, to feel like your alone and that nobody understands you, to feel so sad, so scared and to always wonder why me, why me.
> I think maybe that is what she meant.
> I love you and hope u both work this out xxx

I just don't know, Bek. I think everyone is just sick of me being like this, they just don't understand me. :cry::cry::cry::cry: xoxoxo Love You xoxoxo


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## bek74

Of course they don't understand you gorgeous, they never lost their much loved and so wanted baby girl.
Just as I am sure your friend felt that same way when she was told she would never carry a child and had to face the biggest fight of her life against cancer.
Two very different experiences, yet you probably have both shared very similar emotions of emptiness, saddness, grief, asked the same question "why me", most likely cried a river.
I don't know babe but I hope u both sort this out xxx


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## babesx3

^ very well put..
:hugs: andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..:hugs:


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## babesx3

Imalia said:


> Thanks Babesx3, But I'm pretty much just trying to come to terms with the fact it'll never happen. :s

:hugs: i'm so sorry Imalia..are there any otrher options u would consider? like adoption or fostering? i know there are many children out there who are desperate for loving parentsxxx


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## kam78

Hi Andrea :flower:

I absolutely hate this for you but completely understand where you stand ... :hugs:

Yes, "others" THINK they know how you feel, but there is NO way anyone could come close to understanding THIS pain and feelings unless you have been thrown into this hell ...:cry:

I have lost a lot of friends while going thru all this ... They either don't have the patience and just want the old kelly back now, or they TRY to be helpful and end up being hurtful instead and I just start pulling away from them.. I honestly, have lost a few friends cuz they "need me more" .... 

Andrea, You did nothing wrong, if she is a true friend she will think about this, learn and then just apologize :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

babesx3 said:


> ^ very well put..
> :hugs: andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..:hugs:

Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start. :hugs:


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## babesx3

Andypanda6570 said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> ^ very well put..
> :hugs: andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..:hugs:
> 
> Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start. :hugs:Click to expand...

:hugs: and :dust: hopefully it will be a short TTC journey.... although pregnancy after loss is very hard it is worth it to get a rainbow..:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

babesx3 said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> ^ very well put..
> :hugs: andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..:hugs:
> 
> Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start. :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs: and :dust: hopefully it will be a short TTC journey.... although pregnancy after loss is very hard it is worth it to get a rainbow..:hugs:Click to expand...

I am praying I don't have any problems, I mean I never had a problem conceiving. I get my period regularly got my FSH and LM tested and the doc said I probably wont go through menopause till about 50. Been taking Folic Acid since April no smoking no drinking and loosing weight, so lets see if I get my little miracle :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: XOXOO Love to you


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## babesx3

Andypanda6570 said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> ^ very well put..
> :hugs: andypanda i know i would be struggling more without Hayden..are u thinking of trying again? i know its a hard descision ..:hugs:
> 
> Yes I am going to try again , in fact this month I am going to start. :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs: and :dust: hopefully it will be a short TTC journey.... although pregnancy after loss is very hard it is worth it to get a rainbow..:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> I am praying I don't have any problems, I mean I never had a problem conceiving. I get my period regularly got my FSH and LM tested and the doc said I probably wont go through menopause till about 50. Been taking Folic Acid since April no smoking no drinking and loosing weight, so lets see if I get my little miracle :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: XOXOO Love to youClick to expand...

Have everything crossed for you XXXX:hugs:


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## Imalia

We've looked into adoption, and surrogacy, and fostering. But I just don't think it would work out for us. My medical history, anything that involves passing a social services check is pretty much out of the window.


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## bek74

Glad your trying this month, my fingers are crossed you get your BFP. Love you always xxx


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## Andypanda6570

bek74 said:


> Glad your trying this month, my fingers are crossed you get your BFP. Love you always xxx

Love you always toooooo xoxoxooxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SarahJane

Am stalking your TTC progress this month Andrea - would love you to get that BFP xxx


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## Andypanda6570

SarahJane said:


> Am stalking your TTC progress this month Andrea - would love you to get that BFP xxx

Thanks SO much, you can stalk me whenever ya want :happydance::happydance::happydance: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## bek74

I am always stalking you, checking in on how you are doing. Hope you feel my love all the way from Aussie.
You and Ava are forever in my thoughts prayers xxx


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## Andypanda6570

bek74 said:


> I am always stalking you, checking in on how you are doing. Hope you feel my love all the way from Aussie.
> You and Ava are forever in my thoughts prayers xxx

I feel you all the time.I miss you and love you very much.. Wish you would come down to the states one day.. Love You...xoxoox :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## glbell920

My mom is the sweetest with only the best intentions and I had to correct her when she said she understood. She had a hysterectomy after having my sister and I and was unable to have anymore children afterwards. I'm sure that was something to deal with but at least she knows she can't have anymore and why. It's very different to be able to concieve and for some unknow reason cannot go full term with your pregnancy. I feel like it was a blessing and a curse to be able to ge as far as I did. On one hand I feel like I was short changed having my baby taken away from me. On the other hand at least I was able to birth, see, and share moments with my baby and I feel very blessed to have those memories (although too short).

I had to apologize to her because even though she isn't in my shoes exactly I'm sure for her it was just as difficult to come to terms with and I didn't want to be insensitive to her. 

Maybe you and your friend need time but I wouldn't throw away a 30 year friendship. You both are hurting in your own right and dealing with difficult circumstances.


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## MaevesMummy

I actually believe, as sad as it is we will never exactly understand each other, we can understand parts and be there for support but each dstuation is different one and each oerson is a different person. if you know what i am saying!
Hugs to you, she wont understand exactly, as you say, but you have also pointed out the bits she can understand. I am sure you will both hug and make up, you sound like good friends who support each other. no matter wether either of you understand exactly.
People who have never lost a baby or can take pregnancy are right at the end of the understanding scale.... Sending you huge hugs xxxx


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## kam78

Andrea!!!:happydance:

As I was strolling thru (stalker!!!!) your latest post to check on you I seen those magical, exciting words .... TTC THIS MONTH!!!! :happydance::happydance:

Holy Crap Lady, I am so BEYOND excited for you!!! :hugs::hugs: I too will have everything crossed for you & will send prayers (heck, I ain't too proud to beg!) LOL!! :haha:

Keep us stalkers :shhh::friends: posted!!!

Love ya chicka!!!
Sprinkling some baby makin' dust your way!!!!

:dust::dust::dust:


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## mhazzab

SarahJane said:


> Am stalking your TTC progress this month Andrea - would love you to get that BFP xxx

oooh, me too, I hope it works out for you, you so deserve it! :happydance: I'm trying again this month too, I hope we both get good news soon!

As for your argument with your friend, I totally understand why you got annoyed with her, but I'm not sure I can add any more to what others have said. I just wanted to say that I hope you can work it out with her, you have been friends for a long time, it would be a shame to lose that. xxx


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## kam78

Oh My Lord!!! 

2 AMAZING momma's are gonna TTC this month.... :happydance::happydance:

Hi, let me introduce myself, I'm Kelly, y'alls official stalker :flower:

You both better keep us all posted about the baby makin' progress :haha:

Fingers Crossed you:friends: girls have some great news SOON!!

:dust::spermy::sex::dust::bfp:

{there, think I used all the lil icons up on ya :thumbup:


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## DueSeptember

Andypanda6570 said:


> I am SOoooooo upset right now! My best friend of 30 years and I got into a little fight yesterday :cry: I was telling her how I think I may need some counseling cause its been 7 months and I still cry every single day and maybe it is better if i talk with others that understand me. She tells me well I understand you :shrug::shrug::shrug:I said Nooooo you don't, you are a great friend and I know you have been to hell and back but you don't understand me, she started screaming I DO TOO ,I DO TOO and then I screamed YOU DO NOT, YOU DO NOT!! She can't have babies she had cervical cancer so she had to get a surrogate and a donor and her husbands sperm and she had 3 beautiful triplets, they will be 4 in January and I love them to death. I know she has been through hell and could never carry a child and I know she understands the part when I could not be around pregnant women cause she could not either, but she can not ever ever understand loosing your child , am I wrong? I said ,well screamed are you fucking crazy , you think you know what i lost , you think you know how it feels to loose your baby? And I said I am hanging up and don't you dare call me back and she didn't. It was the way she was saying she understood me, she was creaming it on the phone :cry: how dare she. I am so upset and I refuse to call her. What are your thoughts...xoxoox :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

*Are yall talking again? I know when my friend and I have arguments we dont talk for a year or so but eventually we do...Just hang in there I know it is rough I think about Maya all the time 

We are TTC too GoodLuck!!!!!!!!!*


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## emk10

:hugs:Hope you make it up with your friend x x 

:thumbup::happydance: fab news that you are TTC this month :sex::spermy::af::bfp::dust:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wish I could join you but OH changes his mind like the wind :cry:... I'll keep at him though :winkwink: x x x x


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## Andypanda6570

Well we did the you know what :winkwink::winkwink::winkwink: SO we will see what happens. I hope this happens quickly for me and everyone else.
XOXO Love To Everyone.// and lots of :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::hugs::hugs:


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## kam78

:flower: Good Luck!! 

Keep at him! :winkwink:

I think you should just hold him hostage, oooh... maybe for 5-7 days :sex::sex::sex:

Haha ... 

Fingers crossed for ya babe and keep us posted!!!

:dust::dust::dust:

Love ya chicka:friends:


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## Andypanda6570

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
LOL, your hysterical.... Thanks SO much for your support..
Love You :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## hannpin

hey just come across this, good luck Andrea with your TTC mission, I hope it works quickly for you xxx


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## Andypanda6570

hannpin said:


> hey just come across this, good luck Andrea with your TTC mission, I hope it works quickly for you xxx

Thank you So much..xoxoxoxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## babesx3

good luck!!!xxxx


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## SarahJane

Andrea - how's it going? You ok? 

What are you doing to make the time go by before ovulation? xx

hugs hun :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

SarahJane said:


> Andrea - how's it going? You ok?
> 
> What are you doing to make the time go by before ovulation? xx
> 
> hugs hun :hugs:

It is going ok, We DTD last night and today i can't move, Ovulation is almost here. My side is literally killing me all day :cry: so i know either tonight or tomorrow I should be ovulating, just hope I hit it.. I am just praying everything goes ok. Thanks so much for asking.. XOXOXOO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
How is everything with you? XOOXOX


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## kam78

Ooooo... "Let's get it on" ... :sex:

LOL... Just trying to help set THE MOOD for you and hubby :happydance:

Andrea, I am holding my breath... bit all my nails off... making bargains with tha BIG guy ... :winkwink: Hope you get some amazing news SOON! :flower:

Good Night, oh wait.... Have a great:winkwink: night 

:dust::dust:

Love ya


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## Hellylou

Good luck Andrea! I'm keeping everything crossed for you xxx:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

kam78 said:


> Ooooo... "Let's get it on" ... :sex:
> 
> LOL... Just trying to help set THE MOOD for you and hubby :happydance:
> 
> Andrea, I am holding my breath... bit all my nails off... making bargains with tha BIG guy ... :winkwink: Hope you get some amazing news SOON! :flower:
> 
> Good Night, oh wait.... Have a great:winkwink: night
> 
> :dust::dust:
> 
> Love ya

ROTFL...Your a nut, you know that :haha::haha::haha::haha: You make me laugh SO much, thank you!! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Hope I get good news also, believe ME you will be the first to know..
XOXOXOXO Love Ya too :hugs:


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## bek74

Woo hoo bumpity bump, fingers crossed you get a BFP this month... Hope u DTD again to be double sure lol


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## kam78

Good Morning Sweets! :coffee:

Just checkin (stalking :winkwink:) ya this morning ... 

Have an amazing day!! Love ya bunches!!! :friends:


:dust::dust::dust:


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## SarahJane

yay for loads of rumpy pumpy! Your timing looks perfect - I can't wait for a couple of weeks to see that BFP now x

AFM - doing ok, 5dpo and getting twitchy around testing, want to test every 20 mins but that is part of my make up since losing the LO (and finding IC's!!)

Am off to London to visit family on Sat so hoping that will take my mind off things!!

have you ov'd yet?? Are you in 2WW? Very excited for you x


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## Nikki_d72

Good luck all!


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## kam78

Ok Andrea.....:hi:

Where we at on this baby making?? :sex: {I just love that emotion, hilarious lookin} :haha:

When will you start testing?????????? :happydance:


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## Andypanda6570

kam78 said:


> Ok Andrea.....:hi:
> 
> Where we at on this baby making?? :sex: {I just love that emotion, hilarious lookin} :haha:
> 
> When will you start testing?????????? :happydance:

I usually wont test until I miss my AF, I feel like if I do it before I will be jinxed :blush::blush: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Bleieve me you all will know first... :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kam78

:flower: :friends:

G'nite my friend...:sleep:

:dust::dust::dust:


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## Andypanda6570

kam78 said:


> :flower: :friends:
> 
> G'nite my friend...:sleep:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:

XOXOXOXO Love you, Kelly.... :kiss: :kiss: :kiss:


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## bek74

Fingers are crossed and prayers said. Love you:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

bek74 said:


> Fingers are crossed and prayers said. Love you:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Love you more....... Always... XOXOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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