# Avalon



## MrsWez

Since section is open, I thought I could share my story as I didn't feel right posting in the other loss sections.

I was 19 and had been with my OH for 2 years when we found out we were expecting. It was a surprise, but I was so happy. He wasn't, but he hated the the thought of being responsible (what was I thinking?!) Anyway the pregnancy continued wonderfully, very little morning sickness, I was healthy and no one could tell I was pregnant as I had lost weight by staying fit. We found out it was a girl and picked the name Avalon Madeline. On December 20th I started having severe cramps. My OH was out of town. I called my Dr. and she said she wanted me to come in the next day and to not worry until then. Overnight the pain got worse, mainly in my back. I tried to fall asleep but it was too painful. I eventually went to the ER. My water broke on the table as they were examining me and then said nothing could be done to save her as I was 20 weeks. 

A few hours later she was born. There was an unnatural eerie empty feeling to the room. She looked beautiful and perfect to me. She looked like any other baby but was born way too soon. I just held her and cried and told her I was sorry I didn't protect her and I loved her. The hospital took her before I was discharged to run tests. I never saw her again. I didn't get a picture or a certificate or anything. I left empty handed. I don't know what happened to her. I try not to think about it. The nurse said they wouldn't issue a birth or death certificate because of her gestational age and why would I want a picture of a dead "fetus". But they would note it in my file. I am still very very angry about it because to them it's as if she never existed. She is a "late miscarriage." It was later determined that she was born because I have an incompetent cervix. OH was indifferent. We split shortly after.

She was healthy. I never stop thinking about her. I have had three losses since but with a great man who will make a great Dad. I still dream of the day I will hold a live baby in my arms. 

Avalon would be turning 7 in a couple months. She is loved and missed. :angel:


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## lulu35

:hugs:


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## lucy_x

:hugs:


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## mommyo2girls

:hugs:


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## Angelkissiz

Thank you for sharing this story, I am very sorry for your loss, I wish you and your husband the best for the future, continue to remain strong!!!


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## Vickieh1981

I'm so sorry for your loss hun and also that the hospital were so horrid about everything.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to not get photos of your daughter :-(


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## cla

iam so sorry hun, this happened to me as well but i was only 17weeks into the pregnancey. it s the worst thing i have ever been through:hugs:


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## Jamaris Mummy

Hi Hun.. I'm so sorry about ur baby girl. I delivered my baby boy at 16 weeks just six weeks ago. I too left the hospital without a photo.. The nurse told me 'it would not help me to heal' if I took a photo. I wish I did. Big hugs to u for being so strong. I'm sorry u have felt such heartbreak Xo


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## Justagirlxx

So sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## Jox

Sorry for ur loss of ur precious girl :hugs:

:kiss: for avalon x


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## jenny_wren

so sorry for your loss :hugs:​


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## Vickieh1981

Jamaris Mummy said:


> Hi Hun.. I'm so sorry about ur baby girl. I delivered my baby boy at 16 weeks just six weeks ago. I too left the hospital without a photo.. The nurse told me 'it would not help me to heal' if I took a photo. I wish I did. Big hugs to u for being so strong. I'm sorry u have felt such heartbreak Xo

That really truly sucks How does she know what would help you???

Our hospital were good on that front. It makes me angry that others are not


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## babytots

I'm so sorry for your loss sweetie. :hugs: x


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## babytots

Jamaris Mummy said:


> Hi Hun.. I'm so sorry about ur baby girl. I delivered my baby boy at 16 weeks just six weeks ago. I too left the hospital without a photo.. The nurse told me 'it would not help me to heal' if I took a photo. I wish I did. Big hugs to u for being so strong. I'm sorry u have felt such heartbreak Xo

Thats appalling I can't beleive the nurse acted that way its your choice to make not hers its a shame some hospitals act this way whilst others bend over backwards to make sure your time with your baby is spent how you want it. Sending big :hugs: your way. x


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## pinklizzy

:hugs:


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## pink_bow

So sorry :hugs: xx


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## babesx3

:hugs: that sterrible you didn't get to see and spend time with your baby, its very important,. it doesn't make it easier, but it was comforting to see that they look at peace and basically asleep...


:kiss: for your babies xx avalon and cla xx


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## MrsWez

Jamaris Mummy said:


> Hi Hun.. I'm so sorry about ur baby girl. I delivered my baby boy at 16 weeks just six weeks ago. I too left the hospital without a photo.. The nurse told me 'it would not help me to heal' if I took a photo. I wish I did. Big hugs to u for being so strong. I'm sorry u have felt such heartbreak Xo

I was given the same excuse on why they did not take a picture. I was so overwhelmed at the time, I didn't fight. I regret that.


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## Mrs Doddy

:hugs:


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## Sherri81

I'm very sorry for what you have been through, and I think it is horrible that they didn't let you spend time with her.

They really don't know what will help/hurt you, so I think they should have let you decide what you wanted to do in that regard.

We had a professional from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep do a photo shoot the night that Devon died. We got the cd of the photos back about 3 weeks ago, but I haven't looked at it yet... I'm just not ready to yet. But I am glad that I at least have that option. I was also allowed to hold her as long as I wanted, and we did a funeral for her as well. So although I don't think there is anything fortunate about this whole occurence, I am fortunate that I had that time with her while she was alive, after she died, and I have photos of her, her footprints, her receiving blanket and a hat she wore. I also have her birth/death certificate.

I am so sorry you don't have any of this, as I think it is so important. 

Big :hug: to you, and I hope you are able to feel peace eventually.


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## Huggles

i'm so sorry for your loss. Avalon is such a beautiful name. :hugs:


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## MrsWez

Sherri81 said:


> I'm very sorry for what you have been through, and I think it is horrible that they didn't let you spend time with her.
> 
> They really don't know what will help/hurt you, so I think they should have let you decide what you wanted to do in that regard.
> 
> We had a professional from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep do a photo shoot the night that Devon died. We got the cd of the photos back about 3 weeks ago, but I haven't looked at it yet... I'm just not ready to yet. But I am glad that I at least have that option. I was also allowed to hold her as long as I wanted, and we did a funeral for her as well. So although I don't think there is anything fortunate about this whole occurence, I am fortunate that I had that time with her while she was alive, after she died, and I have photos of her, her footprints, her receiving blanket and a hat she wore. I also have her birth/death certificate.
> 
> I am so sorry you don't have any of this, as I think it is so important.
> 
> Big :hug: to you, and I hope you are able to feel peace eventually.

I am so glad you are able to have those things of Devon. I wish I wasn't alone at the time. I felt rushed and couldn't think straight. There are so many things I wished I did. I really wished I had her cremated so she could still be with me. I know it sounds really morbid but it's something I really really regret. I do have a few pieces of jewelry with her name on it and a garden.


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## MrsWez

Huggles said:


> i'm so sorry for your loss. Avalon is such a beautiful name. :hugs:

Thank you. I loved the story of King Arthur as a girl and wanted to name my daughter Avalon ever since.


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## Suze

:hug:

I'm so sorry for your loss, and especially so at the 'experience' you had with it all too. 
I really wish you and your lovely man all the best for the future and that you will soon have your own screaming baby in your arms...you deserve it


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## Semanthia

I am so sorry :cry: I read this since you shared the link on one of my threads. I am shocked at how insensitive the hospital you were at was. I was dissatisfied with mine for a few reasons but nothing compared to your experience.
The difference between our stories is my incompetent cervix could have...I mean should have been caught in time but wasn't. I had an ultrasound to see how far along I was and it showed a shortened cervix and they wanted to check it again but waited too long and it was completely funneled. I also had an emergency ultrasound when the nurse practitioner couldn't find a heartbeat. Baby was fine but the lady rushed through the ultrasound basically saw the heart working, measured beats per min and shooed me out the door. I can't help but wonder if that ultrasound was placed in our path so that they could see that it had started funneling.
Anyways I am truly sorry for your loss and how they treated you. I don't know if your baby was born alive or not, but my hospital said our baby would get a birth certificate since she was born alive. I saw your ticker saying it has been over 7 years, so I am sure things were probably different then but there is no excuse for being heart/soul less. :hugs:


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## Lawhra

So sorry for the loss of Avalon. I hope you get to hold your healthy born son in your arms :hugs:


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## My bump

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. What a beautiful name Avalon, sleep tight angel. xxxxxx


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## spellfairy

:( so sad. my baby was 19 weeks lost 13th jan 2011 he came to early, after hour of pain he just whooshed out. no answers yet on pm:( i got pics and to see him dressed in a lovely blanket and mini moses basket, i was lucky enough to video the 14 week scan with my phone... :( miss him so much . soooooooo sorry for our losses


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## MrsWez

I'm sorry so many people have had to lose a child. It is very hard but it's easier to cope with in time. I'll never take any pregnancy or child forgranted. It kills me when I see other women that do. I hope we can all lean on each other for support and understanding, because no one knows what this is like unless you've been here. :hugs: all of us strong proud angel mothers.


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## Lea8198

I'm so sorry to read this. Thank you for sharing. I hope you have that much deserved baby in your arms very soon. Lots of love xxx


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## jojo23

i am so sorry for your loss hun i just lost my baby lily at 22 weeks! we were called a late miscarriage also but i spoke to my local church and even though im not in the least bit religious the priest organised a little angels certificate for me with her name and the date etc so maybe you could do that to have something in her memory. i know its not the same as having her and burying her yourself but it might be nice to get a little plaque made up and place it somewhere special to you maybe on a loved ones grave or in a little garden! i know nothing can ever make up for the loss of your gorgeous little angel but you know she was here and theres no reason that the world has to ignore that either. you were treated very badly in my opinion hun i would look into that also ive never ever heard of a hospital doing that as even to take the baby you would have had to give consent and sign a form!!! hope you are doing ok and glad to hear you have a wonderful man!!! thinkin of you and Avalon xxx


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## MrsWez

jojo23 said:


> i am so sorry for your loss hun i just lost my baby lily at 22 weeks! we were called a late miscarriage also but i spoke to my local church and even though im not in the least bit religious the priest organised a little angels certificate for me with her name and the date etc so maybe you could do that to have something in her memory. i know its not the same as having her and burying her yourself but it might be nice to get a little plaque made up and place it somewhere special to you maybe on a loved ones grave or in a little garden! i know nothing can ever make up for the loss of your gorgeous little angel but you know she was here and theres no reason that the world has to ignore that either. you were treated very badly in my opinion hun i would look into that also ive never ever heard of a hospital doing that as even to take the baby you would have had to give consent and sign a form!!! hope you are doing ok and glad to hear you have a wonderful man!!! thinkin of you and Avalon xxx

We have a flower garden with a plaque with her name inscribed on it in our yard. You're right, even if the world doesn't acknowledge her, she's mine. I think she looking over me and her baby brother. My husband bought me a necklace with her name engraved on a pendant and talks about her like she's his. :cloud9: I'm so sorry you lost Lily. I'm glad your church is giving you an angel certificate. That's so kind of them to do. I'm not religious either.


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## jojo23

MrsWez said:


> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> i am so sorry for your loss hun i just lost my baby lily at 22 weeks! we were called a late miscarriage also but i spoke to my local church and even though im not in the least bit religious the priest organised a little angels certificate for me with her name and the date etc so maybe you could do that to have something in her memory. i know its not the same as having her and burying her yourself but it might be nice to get a little plaque made up and place it somewhere special to you maybe on a loved ones grave or in a little garden! i know nothing can ever make up for the loss of your gorgeous little angel but you know she was here and theres no reason that the world has to ignore that either. you were treated very badly in my opinion hun i would look into that also ive never ever heard of a hospital doing that as even to take the baby you would have had to give consent and sign a form!!! hope you are doing ok and glad to hear you have a wonderful man!!! thinkin of you and Avalon xxx
> 
> We have a flower garden with a plaque with her name inscribed on it in our yard. You're right, even if the world doesn't acknowledge her, she's mine. I think she looking over me and her baby brother. My husband bought me a necklace with her name engraved on a pendant and talks about her like she's his. :cloud9: I'm so sorry you lost Lily. I'm glad your church is giving you an angel certificate. That's so kind of them to do. I'm not religious either.Click to expand...

thats a beautiful way to remember her!!! theres also a gorgeous website its alexandrasangelgifts.co.uk they ship all over the world they have some fantastic things you can personalise to remember her also. she will always be your little angel and she'll never be forgotten and we will all be thinkin of her here too!!! even though im not religious ill be glad to have something with her name on it. your husband sounds like an absolute hero and what a lovely man youre very lucky it makes all the difference :) hugs to all of you and your little baby boy.. he's very lucky to have his own guardian angel! xxxx


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## MrsWez

jojo23 said:


> MrsWez said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> i am so sorry for your loss hun i just lost my baby lily at 22 weeks! we were called a late miscarriage also but i spoke to my local church and even though im not in the least bit religious the priest organised a little angels certificate for me with her name and the date etc so maybe you could do that to have something in her memory. i know its not the same as having her and burying her yourself but it might be nice to get a little plaque made up and place it somewhere special to you maybe on a loved ones grave or in a little garden! i know nothing can ever make up for the loss of your gorgeous little angel but you know she was here and theres no reason that the world has to ignore that either. you were treated very badly in my opinion hun i would look into that also ive never ever heard of a hospital doing that as even to take the baby you would have had to give consent and sign a form!!! hope you are doing ok and glad to hear you have a wonderful man!!! thinkin of you and Avalon xxx
> 
> We have a flower garden with a plaque with her name inscribed on it in our yard. You're right, even if the world doesn't acknowledge her, she's mine. I think she looking over me and her baby brother. My husband bought me a necklace with her name engraved on a pendant and talks about her like she's his. :cloud9: I'm so sorry you lost Lily. I'm glad your church is giving you an angel certificate. That's so kind of them to do. I'm not religious either.Click to expand...
> 
> thats a beautiful way to remember her!!! theres also a gorgeous website its alexandrasangelgifts.co.uk they ship all over the world they have some fantastic things you can personalise to remember her also. she will always be your little angel and she'll never be forgotten and we will all be thinkin of her here too!!! even though im not religious ill be glad to have something with her name on it. your husband sounds like an absolute hero and what a lovely man youre very lucky it makes all the difference :) hugs to all of you and your little baby boy.. he's very lucky to have his own guardian angel! xxxxClick to expand...

Thank you, I'm very lucky to have such a great guy, although I do want to kill him at times. This baby has come after 4 losses, 4 rounds of Clomid and 2 years of trying. Even though I've been very ill through this pregnancy, he is worth it. Thanks for being so supportive.


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## USAF_WIFE

:hugs::hugs:


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## smithgirl

I'm so sorry for your loss...your story made me cry for you.


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