# When IVF fails - please join for support



## Mrs W 11

Hi everyone

My first ivf cycle has just failed and since I have low AMH, the chances are I may not respond any better next time and am starting to feel really scared about my prospects for having another baby, never mind the 2 more I really wanted. 

I noticed there are a lot of threads of people going through IVF together but not one specifically for those who have failed one or more cycles. I love the threads I'm on but it is hard to see others get their Bfps and the topics change to pregnancy related whilst you are grieving. 

I thought a support thread to help one another through hard times, a shoulder to cry on, and make plans for the future, wether its trying again or exploring other options might help. 

I'll be having a big glass of wine tonight!! Would love others to chat to who are feeling the same way. Xx


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## beneathmywing

Just wanted to give you some hugs :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Plex

Hi, just wanted to give u a big :hugs: Ivf is soul destroying yet has the potential to be such a miracle worker, runs us ragged emotionally. I think wine is a great idea (may be glugging some when i get home lol)

Not sure how many children i wanted just knew i wanted more than 1, so tough when ur body has other ideas! 

Im currently looking at other options overseas, got to save money up and loose weight if both are possible, think ill struggle to achieve one of those goals but a girls gotta try :D 

How r u? What r ur plans for your next step? xx


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## boobear2872

Me, this is the second failed protocol.out of noplace awesome looking follicals that where ready to go. Shrunk to almost nothing. We may do iui on tuesday but got told those odds are almost zero...im gutted feeling like a failure and just so sad. Really was going well all thismonth. The nurse called and said my overies are acting weird as he doesnt usually see that with how far I did get. :( im sorry u been trying multiple times as well....I dont know how people do this so many times. Its not fair that we try so hard, and nothing (


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## WANBMUM

Can I be part? Even though I had IUI. I feel a little lost at the moment as I don't know where I fit and I'm trying to stay strong for oh and family. 

It was our 2nd IUI failure and we are not sure financially when/if we can go again. 

Infertility is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It never gets easier or less stressful.


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## Jillie89

I am pretty sure I have just had a chemical after my latest FET. I still have my beautiful daughter from a previous cycle but this still hurts so much. Have spent the last 2 days in tears. I thought this would be easier... but it isn't.:cry:


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## Mrs W 11

Hi everyone, thanks for joining. Really hoping this can be a place we can chat and try and help each other through the tough times. Totally agree, infertility is just absolutely heartbreaking, it's been such a huge shock to me asi got pregnant very easily with my dd and my mmc to now find out my amh is so low I may never have another baby :cry:

Plex - I'm just about to have a glass of wine now! I've heard about people going abroad for treatment, is it cheaper than the uk? Have they said why your first cycle may have failed or was it perhaps bad luck? 

Boo bear :hugs: I'm so sorry to hear about your cycle. I hope you get some answers at your follow up as to why your ovaries reacted like this. Maybe there is another stim drug they can try you on? 

Wanbmum is there a reason for your infertility or unexplained? Don't give up lovely, if they have recommended iui you must still have a great chance for pregnancy, it wasn't even an option for me. 

Jillie I'm so sorry to hear your fet failed. Do you have any more frosties? Take some time to look after yourself. Your little miracle was worth the tough journey and your next one will be too. 

Plex my next step is that I have an appointment at the lister next week in London as they specialise in low amh so I want to see what they say. I also have my follow up appointment at my clinic next week too. We plan to see what they say but we will only try max a year or 2 more ivfs with my eggs before moving to donor. Xx


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## Jaybo

Hi ladies,

I'd love to join too. MrsW you know my story from the Jan thread, but I've just had a miserable first ivf cycle that resulted in one lonely embryo and a BFN!

Sorry you're all going through this heartache. :hugs: It's knocked me down a lot harder then I thought and it will be lovely to have some ladies to share our stories with as we try and pick ourselves up and move on to whatever is next. In the meantime tears and wine are on the cards for me too xxx


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## Mrs W 11

:hugs: jaybo xx Our stories are so similar, we are in this together lovely xx


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## Jillie89

Still have 3 frosties but bank account is pretty sad at present from this cycle to go back and use them.


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## boobear2872

Going to try iui o. Tuesday, even though chance is almost nothing. I payed so much money. To not do something again, my heart and head wouldnt make sense of that.


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## Comfycushions

Hi ladies!

mrs w, great idea for a thread! Please can i join in.

just quickly popping in to say hi, at work and on my phone so typing tricky. I had my first icsi cycle jan/feb. Got bfn and no frosties. Extremely unlikely I'm going to put myself through it again. Just hoping to recover from what was a traumatic experience and in time consider other options for building our family or living childfree. 

stupid, sucky infertility. Grrr.


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## Plex

Mrs W - I think its a good idea to have a limit on things as ivf is so draining! Ive had four ivfs + a fet so im now looking into donor embryos as hubby and i had decided on adopting anyway just hadnt thought about embryo adoption. As far as i can see they only do this abroad so thats why im looking overseas.

In out treatment process ive given away my eggs, had poor responses, zero fertilisation and crap embryos. I just feel like my eggs arent up to par so to speak. 

Good luck with the appointment at lister, have u got lots of questions to ask them? I would still get a follow up at ur clinic though, just to see what they say. I have a follow up on the 20th may so i think i will decide for sure if we go abroad. 

It is soooo much cheaper abroad! Dont know about bloods etc but a full ivf with icsi is £1575 with out meds but still awesome :D for donor embryos its 1161 for 2 embryo FET :thumbup: ive decided with myself that if i loose the weight then we go for it!!! 

Its so good to talk about how we are feeling about this all - i worry ill bring a downer on the threads i have been on. Its so hard as i am happy for everyone else! 

xx


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## Plex

Boo - Good luck hun with the iui :hugs: would you get much of a refund if you cancelled? If i remember rightly at my clinic we only get part of the cost back :( xx


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## boobear2872

Thy cancelled it on us, but three us a bone so to speak, tomorrow ill ask about that. That u for brining to attention..I was so uoset, no try, no baby nothing back, ya know


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## Mrs W 11

Hi comfy, welcome Hun :hugs: I'm not sure on the reason for your infertility but will you consider egg r sperm donor or look at adoption next? There are options for having a family so if you want it, it will happen.

Plex when you say donor embryos do you mean that a couple have used both their egg and sperm for and then donated? Or do you mean donor eggs to use with your ohs sperm? Lots of places in this country offer egg donation programmes but I don't know about embryo donation. 

I haven't got a long list of questions for Lister really, mainly what they recommend next and what I can do about my egg quality. I've got a follow up at my clinic on Friday so will be interested to see what they recommend as next steps. I think they will say try again with low chance of success or use egg donor. I'm just at a point now where I'm desperate to be pregnant and have another baby as soon as possible. I've been waiting 18 months already and the age gap for my little girl to have a sibling is getting bigger every day. I can't wait much longer :(


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## Mrs G

Hi everyone. 
Just wanted to stop by to wish you all luck and say always keep believing. 
As a 5 times failed cycle veteran I know just how hard it is. But I do believe in the power of positive thought and it's always been the thought of "maybe next time" that got me through. 
Like my sig says "don't stop believing". Lots of luck and baby dust to you all. 
Xx


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## Comfycushions

Mrs w, our issue is male factor. We've got our wtf tomorrow, where i suspect they might mention my eggs as a problem too but we'll see.

plex, the price abroad is amazingly cheaper. If i ever decide to try it again I'd consider the abroad option. What country are you looking at? 

at the minute i think i don't want to try again-just too traumatized by whole affair. Who knows how i'll feel in time but at moment I'm leaning towards adoption or childfree.

boobear sorry to see your iui cancelled. Hope your clinic has been able to give you some answers and you're taking care of yourself.x


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## boobear2872

No ivf was cancelled. We did iui, here to hoping..and thank you


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## lizzie78

Hi Ladies can I join too please? Great idea Mrs W :hugs:

Mrs W, plex, jaybo and Comfy I know you all from previous threads so although i wish you were all off talking about morning sickness somewhere, selfishly its nice to be on another thread with you all :kiss:

For those i don't know yet quick outline of me: Dh has son from previous marriage, had a vasectomy before they split up. had it reversed when he met me but he has bad everything so ICSI is our only option. 1 ICSI last July - early miscarriage, FET in Jan - early miscarriage. We have 2 frosties left and are pretty much out of cash. Considering Immune testing before a final FET if we can afford it but DH isnt ready to talk about it yet so im trying to be patient when all I want to do is plan to distract me from my grief at the moment. This second failure has walloped me hard. Final whinge, i'm full of cold and just think the universe could have cut me a break and not sent me a load of germs on top of everything else at the moment!!! Ok, i'm stopping now :)


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## Mrs W 11

Mrs g thanks lovely, that's so kind of you. So happy for you xx

Lizzie :hugs: lovely to see you here, I'm glad you've joined us, but as you've said I wish it was on a pregnancy thread. We will get there, the journey is so so hard but the end result will be so worth it. I know it doesn't help at this stage but you know that you can get pregnant, it's now a case of getting the right embryo and making it stick. Hopefully your dh just needs a bit more time and then you can start to work together on that plan. Always here lovely xxx

Comfy, lovely to see you here too. How did your wtf appointment go? You take all the time you need and you will make the right choice for you. In the meantime we are all here to chat, listen or if you just want to natter and have a laugh and not think about it all, we can help with that too!! 

Boo I hope your iui went well. 

Jaybo, how are you doing lovely? Just wanted to say I went to the lister yesterday for a consultation, I was really happy with them, what they said and how they made me feel. Plus it's soooo posh! There's a concierge outside with top hat on haha! If you are still considering them, so far I'd recommend an appointment. It cost £205.

So afm, yes had a consultation at the lister yesterday and they have recommend that although I have low amh, due to my age, they want me to try the long protocol. I had always heard antagonist or flare were better for low amh but this clinic feels due to my age long would be better. They are giving me a different stim drug (better for quality), different suppressant and different trigger. I've ordered dhea and will get some cq10 and am going to take those for 3 months and then cycle with lister in June/July. 

I also have my wtf appointment today at my old clinic so very interested to see what they say and recommend, Even though I know I won't cycle with them again. 

So I'm having another weekend off, wine and nice food and then from Monday I'm bring good again, very limited alcohol (special occasions only), healthy food, exercise and yoga etc for the three months. Overall I'm feeling really positive. 

How's everyone doing and feeling? I'm really hoping we can make this a great support thread to help each other through this really hard, sad, exhausting journey. Much love ladies xxx


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## boobear2872

We did the iui, now its the wait game. Thank u for asking


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## Jaybo

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your well wishes MrsG. So happy to see you got a BFP from your last cycle. Congratulations!

Boo sorry your IVF cycle didn't work out. FX for a good result from the IUI.

Hi Comfy and Lizzy :friends: great to see some familiar faces but as you say not for the reasons were all here!

Comfy I know I said it on this other thread as well but I found the whole thing completely traumatic as well so I know how you feel when you say you dont want to go through it again!

Plex youre one brave lady to have gone through so many cycles! I hope everything works out for you soon. :hugs: I cant believe how much cheaper treatment is abroad. Do you know why that is? Is it just because we are being completely ripped off in the UK?

Lizzy how are you doing hon? I hope DH comes round and feels able to talk about it soon. All mine seems to say at the moment is 'well do whatever you want', which isnt very helpful. I'm sure I'm not the only one this decision is going to affect. :nope:

MrsW  I'm so glad your appointment at the Lister went well and that you have a plan to start again in a few months. Sounds like a lovely clinic, although I cant believe they have guys with top hats out the front though! :howdy: Maybe that's what we're paying for! :haha: So I've also booked an appointment there for a couple of weeks time, so excited but nervous at the same time.

Who did you see? I'm worried that they are just going to send me away with my dismal AMH levels! :blush: I was on a long protocol last time so I would be really keen to try something different this time, but I guess theyre the experts.What stims have they put you on this time around?

I'd bought DHEA before my last cycle but my NHS cycle wasnt supportive of it so I didn't take it. But I started a couple of weeks ago because Id read so many good things about it so hoping it helps this time. Where have you ordered yours from? I could only find the micronized version in the US so it cost a fortune to ship! :dohh:

How did your WTF appointment go?


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## Comfycushions

Hi all!

Lizzie good to hear from you, but yes it's sad circumstances aren't different for us all. Hope dh is ready to talk soon.

Mrs w top hatted dude sounds awesome! I don't think we get that sort of thing up here in the Midlands clinics! Glad your appointment went well and hope the wtf was ok today.

Jaybo, thanks, it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one who finds the assisted route traumatic. Rationally I know I'm not the only one who's ever struggled with this but still tend to be hard on myself for not bouncing back.
I hope you're appointment at the lister goes well.
My dh I think is leaning towards a 'whatever you think best' approach to our next steps too. I understand he just wants me to be ok but this is a two person issue.

Boo, good luck with the iui.

My wtf was ok. They said I started responding slowly initially but they were happy with how things picked up. They said the reason I got so few eggs could've been down to some getting stuck to the follicle when they tried to flush them(??!). They were extremely positive about the 100% fert of my meagre hall. Rest of cycle failure, as expected, was put down to 'we just don't know.' They said they'd do amh if cycled again but no reason to suspect diminished reserve or poor egg quality. Dh sperm still dodgy. When I asked they said that anecdotaly proxeed may help. Think dh might be up for trying it now.

Like you, Mrs w, I'm going to allow myself another weekend of indulgence then back on healthy living bandwagon!!

Have a lovely weekend everyone.xx


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## boobear2872

Comfy cussions, jaybo ..thank u and everyone else for the well wishes. After two failed ivf cycles I felt so lost. I want to thank everyone here for the support. Oh is great but even though we are going through this together. He is more like oh well, bad luck, dont be down we have other months to try. Im glad we do, but support like I get fro. You all that get it from a womens point of view is really helping me. Sorry babe maybe next month from him, though heart felt doesnt cut it if u know what I mean. So heartyy thank you to everyone on this site. Honestly dont know if my head be screwed on if I ddnt have this site, huge hugs everyone.


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## Comfycushions

Boobear, it certainly seems true that most men experience this all very differently from the women in their lives. This site is definitely a big help.

Afm, I'm at work but mainly concentrating on trying to find a holiday for end of May. I am in need of some sun and relaxation! :plane:


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## Jaybo

Yes men do seem to process this all in a very different way! I'm not sure what I do without the support of my bnb girls <3

Relaxing in the sun sounds lovely Comfy! Where are you thinking of going? We've got a couple of short breaks in Europe over the next few months and I cant wait! 

I'm also working today. I haven't been very productive since our failed cycle and needed to take a week off to recover. So I'm seeing it as progress that I can actually concentrate on my work now and it's quite nice to have something else to focus on!


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## Jaybo

Comfy I meant to say your wtf appointment sounds positive. :thumbup: Although I'm not quite sure what they mean by something getting stuck :shrug: Did they explain anymore about that?

I had my DH on fertiliaid and the other one of the same brand for motility. They're expensive but his motility had gone from 4% to 30% in 3 months, so I do think they're worth it. I also spotted on fertility road website that they are doing a trial of vitamins for men so the vitamins are free. But it involves extra SA tests so not sure my DH would be up for it, but thought I'd mention it.


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## nobump

Can I join in?

Will go back and read through all posts but scanning I recognise a few folk.

AFM I have had 2 failed cycles. Feb and August 2014. Was taking a break from IVF. Was just thinking of booking a private consult but I am now on day 37 of bleeding with no end in sight. Not aways heavy but very draining. 

Think I am just about to give up on TTC and getting the bleeding sorted out. Time is running out for us I turn 40 next month.

Got docs on Monday but not sure what they can do have been on mefanamic acid, tranexamic acid and northisterone and nothing seems to stop the bleeding for more than 2 or 3 days.


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## lizzie78

hi No bump and welcome hun :flower: I said it on the other thread but i really hope you have some luck with the Dr tomorrow about this bleeding, even if they believe it's completely normal (which I can't imagine they do!) it's effect on you surely can't be ignored, you must be exhausted :kiss:

Comfy - our clinic recommended Menevit which you have to import from Australia, i put DH on them anyway and they did help although our biggest problem is 100% antibodies which they can't fix, they do have good reports though. I'm another one that would say I found this last cycle particularly difficult and dont feel close to bouncing back yet so don't beat yourself up about it! Its a heck of a thing we put ourselves, our emotions, our bodies and relationships through. Nothing is sacred in IVF, there is no small piece of yourself that you get to keep back and safe so no wonder we find it so traumatic :hugs: We must all be alike, i've just booked a weekend away at the end of may with a friend because i'm desperate for some sun on my face and something to look forward to. Rome here we come! Hope you have found somewhere?

Jaybo, glad work is helping a bit now. Its hard to get the balance right i think between being completely distracted and being a bit of a liability at work and actually it providing enough distraction to make the days a bit easier.

Boobear - I think that I would have been lost without this website so many times, its a great place to get things off your chest.:hugs: BnB girls rock :kiss:

Mrs W i'm still chuckling about the concierge with a top hat. We definitely don't have those in the midlands or at least not any of the clinics i went to open days at! The new protocol sounds good that the Lister are talking about but it will be interesting what your old clinic have to say in comparison. Hope you have enjoyed your last indulgent weekend, I'm back on the healthy eating tomorrow and have been super bad today. its ridiculous i'm like a naughty kid who doesnt know any better! Its like all my self control from the last 3 months has vanished!

Hope everyone has had good-ish weekends xxx


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## boobear2872

I live in florida, to bad we all couldnt come here and just enjoy together a few days :)


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## LadyLovenox

Hey ladies.... Just wanted to share my story in case it could help anyone at all. Have you had an endometrial biopsy? I had three failed fresh cycles and one failed frozen. They would do a biopsy in between each cycle, and the biopsies always showed inflammation also known as endometritis (not endometriosis)... They treated me with antibiotics every time, and the inflammation never went away. My doctor always acted like that wasn't a big deal, so we would always go forward with the transfers, even with the biopsies showing inflammation. BUT then they did a study and found that endometritis caused a hostile environment for embryos and prevented implantation in many cases. The actual study showed only a 7% success rate in patients with endometritis. It made sense to me.... Nothing "inflamed" is really ideal. Since antibiotics didn't work to get rid of inflammation , my doctor recommended I go gluten free, as gluten intolerance causes inflammation in many parts of the body. I had no Symptoms of gluten intolerance but I went strictly gluten free for three months and had another biopsy... My 4th! Finally... All inflammation was gone!! They gave me another round of antibiotics just to kick out anything else that may remain, as far as the inflammation. **pregnancy mentioned ** We did one more round of ivf and got pregnant with twins!! I ended up losing one at 8 weeks, but I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant with the remaining twin and everything looks healthy and right on track. **end mention** as far as my stats... I had low Amh (1.33), age 29-30 during cycles, I'd get 15-17 eggs... By day 5 only had a few blastocysts ... Highest quality was 4AB....Which they said was great, but I'd only have like 2 of those and then some morulas and such. . I only ever had one to freeze. My hsg was normal as well... They don't show inflammation. If your doctor hasn't done an endometrial biopsy, it's worth a shot. And in the study my doctor discussed, 100% of the patients with endometritis had their endometritis cleared with a two week round of doxycycline and flagyl. They had never put me on those antibiotics before... Just zpacks... So who knows if I would have kept eating gluten and just taken doxycycline and flagyl... If that would have cleared up mine as well... But I'm still gluten free! Just wanted to share my story with you in case it helps someone


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## Mrs W 11

Ladylove congrats on your pregnancy, I'm glad you found your issue and thank you for sharing, I hope it helps someone else xx

Lizzie - ooh I love Rome! Have you been before? Great choice, I absolutely love it there, if you've not been before, I'm sure you'll have an amazing time!! Yeh the concierge in top hats had me chuckling too! The hospital is so posh, I felt like a celeb going to have ivf haha ! 

Jaybo!! Ahhh I'm so glad you've booked your appointment at lister!! They specialise in low amh Hun so they won't turn you away, what is your amh again?? I saw dr shabana bora. She has put me on 300 ml Merional for stim (she said its good for quality). I'm taking dhea and coq10 for 3 months and I'm to start microgynon 30 on my June af ready to start a couple of weeks after. Good luck Hun!!! 

Comfy, hope you've enjoyed your last weekend of indulgence!! I have!! Now I need you to help me get back on the wagon next week!! I'm glad your wtf appointment went ok, what do you think your next move will be? 

No bump, welcome. I'm sorry to hear about your bleeding, and glad you have a drs appointment. I hope you get some answers soon. You will get lots of support here, there are some strong amazing ladies on this thread. 

Afm... My wtf appointment wasn't great. I'd already decided I'd go to the lister anyway and not repeat at my old clinic. As expected, the consultant just said it was most likely an egg quality issue because of my low reserve. She said to up to us how many time we want to keep trying ivf, essentially we are looking for that one good egg and it might take one more go, it might take 5 goes, it might never happen, it's all down to luck. She recommended doing exactly the same again but swopping gonal f for menopur to see if that changes quality. I feel that if we do the same again the same will happen. Im keener to try what lister recommend. My old consultant thinks that lister push the boundaries and try innovative stuff without clinical evidence to back it up. But given tht what she suggested didn't work, I'd rather give lister a go first. 

I've had a good weekend, seen a house we love so going to make an offer tomorrow, but the offer is £30k below asking price so they will likely turn us down. I had to work on Saturday so feeling tired today. Looking forward to a weekend doing nothing next weekend!! 

How were your weekends ladies? Xx


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## nobump

Thanks all for your welcome.

Lizzie a weekend away sounds great, I am sure the sun will do you good.

Mrs W, I was on Menopur both cycles, my AMH is low, below 4. When I had my WTF appontments I did question why they had used Menopur and not Gonal F, that had worked for a friend at another clinic, although her issues are different to mine and she is ten years younger! The clinic had said that Menopur is better than G F, and is better for egg quality, so sounds like a good suggestion by the Lister. Good luck with the offer.

LadyLovenox, thanks for the advice.

AFM, I have had a nice weekend, had acupuncture on Saturday, very relaxing, went out for a drink with DH on Saturday night, was good to get out the house for a change of scene. We chatted, hubby opens up after a pint or 2. He said he got the impression from the hospital that they didn't have confidence in the cycle working... I think he was right... really don't think I have the energy for another cycle. Hoping doc will be able to help tomorrow, don't want to take more meds as nothing has made the bleeding stop completely. Or maybe the coil or the pill is the answer I can't continue with uncertainty of each day... is it time to stop?

xx


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## Comfycushions

Hi all:flower: Hope everyone is having a good week.

I've had two and a half good days this week where I've felt much more like myself :happydance: However woke up sad today and had a bit of a sob this morning. :dohh: I've started an online mediation course again this week and have high hopes that is going to help me. 

Lizzie, hooray for Rome trip. Such a beautiful city with awesome relics lurking around every corner. I've only been once and would love to go again. Maybe I should've thrown a coin in the trevi fountain after all:haha: It definitely helps to have something to look forward to.

We've booked a week in Skiathos end of may and I can't wait.

Nobump I hope dr has been able to help re the bleeding. 
It really is so difficult to know when to stop with treatment. I've purchased 'rocking the life unexpected by Jodie Day and recently downloaded ebook from the life without baby website (the first book is currently free). I think both of these and the exercises they suggest will ultimately help me come to terms with not becoming a mother. At the minute however some of it is just too confronting but others resonate and are comforting. I hope you find something that helps you make your decision and find peace with whatever that decision might be.:hugs:

Mrs W how goes the house hunting? Glad you're feeling positive about the lister. 

Jaybo how are you? When are you at top hat hospital? Hope your appointment goes well.

Have a good day all:kiss:


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## lizzie78

Comfy - Hope today is a better day for you? :hugs: I think you are incredibly brave in addressing things the way that you are, I'm still too scared to start trying to come to terms with anything yet. Skiathos sounds lovely, I was really fancying Greece but its too far for just a weekend.

Nobump - how are you feeling physically now? Are you still doing counselling? I'm only asking because of you wondering when is the time to stop, maybe that would help you figure things out. A couple of drinks out with DH sounds like it was a nice idea (i might pinch it!). 

Mrs W hope you are looking forward tot his weekend of doing nothing. What happened with the offer you made on the house?

LadyLoveknox - thank you 

Boobear - my dad lives in Florida, i can always send him around - oops no i can't lol he doesnt know we have been trying IVF!

Jaybo - how are you doing chick?

Not much to update from me. Made the mistake of going back on facebook and got slapped with a baby arrival this morning which made me feel horrible, all sick, dark and twisty :growlmad: Have still not managed to stop comfort eating and drinking! Must make a real effort on Monday as this is ridiculous, I'm only 5 ft tall so cant carry on like this or i'll be a ball :dohh: DH and I still havent talked, i dont know what i want to say any more. He keeps looking at me all soppy and telling me he loves me and i just dont know what to say. I love him too but i cant help thinking part of him is relieved we arent pregnant, I dont know how else he can be so happy when i still feel like my world is being torn apart. Argh, this whole thing is rubbish. I'm tired this week, work is full on and i travel a lot so looking forward to trying to catch up on a bit of sleep where i can fit it in this weekend. We were going to go out for lunch on Valentines day while i was in my tww but didnt because DH was ill so there has been some talk of doing that tomorrow but i dont know whether we will or not, we shall see! Does anyone else have nice plans for the weekend?

xxx


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## Mrs W 11

Hi ladies,

Nobump it was my old clinic that recommended the change to menopur. I think they started me on gonal f as they assumed at 34 my egg quality would be good and it sadly wasn't. Lister have suggested Merional which I don't hear many people talk about but apparently it's good for quality. How was your drs appointment lovely, have you got any answers on the continued bleeding, or has it yet stopped? 

Comfy it's a good sign that you had a few good days. I think slowly the better days will start to outweigh the awful ones as time gently heals the pain from your last cycle. I know it will never go away, but it will get easier. I hope the mediation will help, have you considering counselling? I agree too with lizzie in that you are being very brave and inspirational in your attitude. Be strong xx

Lizzie, hello. I'm sorry about the fb incident, I do understand. I feel the same awful gut feeling when people who had their babies long after I had my dd announce baby no 2 is on the way or when their babies are born. I know my situation is a little different to you ladies but I do still feel that desperation for pregnancy and a baby, even though I do realise how lucky I am to have had a miracle already. Don't beat yourself up too much about not being good with food or wine, I can't yet either. I had set last Monday as a date but I haven't done it. You are allowed some time, be kind to yourself. Life is too short to worry too much about it all. A date lunch with your hubby sounds brilliant!! Enjoy xx

As for me. Feeling a bit sorry for myself really, it's been another rubbishy week. I just feel like life is out to get us. It all started just over a year ago when my beloved cat died at just 7, then my gramp died, then I had the miscarriage and couldn't get pregnant again, found out about my low egg reserve etc. this week so far our offer was turned down on the house we want, twice! Hubby got made redundant! And today the heating has broken. How am I meant to give up wine under these conditions?!!! 

Anyway.... We are going to view the house we like again tomorrow, along with a few others, to decide if we want to up our offer and to how much. Ttc naturally this cycle so will see! I know it's very unlikely but you never know. Just want life to give us some luck, surely we are due some happy news soon. 

Hugs to everyone else. Hope you all have a nice weekend. Xxx


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## nobump

Hello all, typed a long post last night on lap top but lost it... 

CC thanks for the book recommendations will have a look for them. Hope your good days start to out number your bad. 

Lizzie hope you enjoy your lunch. Have you looked at a weekend in the uk. I really enjoyed the lake district when we went last year.

Mrs w sorry you missed out on the house. Its always sad when pets die. How much notice has your hubby got? Will he find something elsr quickly?

AFM still bleeding. Just about to head to acu. Then going to football and out with friends for dinner. Nothing planned for Sunday. Bleeding has been full AF this week. Jyst shattered. 

Xxxx


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## Mrs W 11

Bump I'm not surprised you are tired Hun, you probably have low iron from the bleeding. What did your dr say? Hopefully if you've had af this week it will finish next week. 

We are still negotiating on the house, going to view it again today and make another offer next week, it's just wether we can come to a mutual agreement on price. Very frustrating! 

Lizzie, I know you are in the midlands, I'm from Oxford and have also live in Worcester in the past, and Cheltenham.... Lots of places for a weekend away around you if you do want a wend away in the uk. 

X


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## nobump

Hello all, typed a long post last night on lap top but lost it... 

CC thanks for the book recommendations will have a look for them. Hope your good days start to out number your bad. 

Lizzie hope you enjoy your lunch. Have you looked at a weekend in the uk. I really enjoyed the lake district when we went last year.

Mrs w sorry you missed out on the house. Its always sad when pets die. How much notice has your hubby got? Will he find something elsr quickly?

AFM still bleeding. Just about to head to acu. Then going to football and out with friends for dinner. Nothing planned for Sunday. Bleeding has been full AF this week. Jyst shattered. 

Xxxx


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## Comfycushions

Thanks ladies, I don't feel brave i feel like a nervous wreck, but can see that I'm doing better than I was tho so that's a great positive.

Lizzie I feel for you on the facebook thing. I deactivated my account last october and I'm so glad I did. Although I miss seeing what some of my friends are up to in the main i think my life actually feels much better without it.
It must be really hard not being sure if you and dh are on the same page. I hope you have a lovely weekend together and that you manage to catch up on some sleep.:hugs:

Mrs W sorry to hear you've had a miserable week. Sometimes it really does seem as if everything goes to crap at once and all our losses can build up and then become overwhelming. (That's how I've felt lately anyway):hugs:
I hope dh is able to find another job easily and that everything comes together with the house you want.
Really hope your heating is an easily fixable problem, that sucks it's happened while it's stiull chilly. I totally agree that it would be utterly inhumane to expect someone to not have wine in such circumstances. If nothing else you need a 'beer jacket' to cope with the cold.:haha:

Nobump hope you enjoy acu, football and dinner.

People that are trying to eat healthy take comfort from the fact that at least you haven't started comfort smoking like I have. I'm such an idiot, thought oh I'll just have one but now I've got to go through the whole withdrawl period again.:dohh: Have been off sugar and booze for a week now though. 

I'm spending the weekend hopefully finishing emptying my Dad's house to put on the market. Coping with that surprisingly well but sure I'll shed a few tears when it goes up for sale-it was the house i grew up in.

Hmm thinking about it maybe I will have a glass of wine tonight.:wine:


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## boobear2872

Lizzy I so hate being smack with facebook baby announcments, sorry you got that today. So ur dad lives in fl, awesome.. im in fort Lauderdale. :)


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## lizzie78

keep getting sprung by my boss when i try to type longer replies so sweet and short one this morning!

Boobear - no way! My dad lives in Davie!

CC im sorry but that did make me laugh particularly because ive so nearly cracked over the last few days and had a cigarette myself. Hopefully the withdrawl wont be too bad as you wont have really got back into the habit :hugs:

Thanks for the suggestions about a uk break, we are thinking of Jersey actually as Dh apparently has always wanted to go (12 years and i had no idea!) Struggling to muster up the enthusiasm though so delaying booking for a little while.

Mrs W - hope the negotiations on the house go in your favour and so sorry you have had such a rotten year. I dont know why it happens like that but it often does. So ahrd to keep going though so you are doing brilliantly!

Nobump - how are you? I'm not surprised you are shattered with all the bleeding. Dont know what to say but wanted to let you know i was thinking about you.

I've had a dark few days but cautiously feeling a bit better today so fingers crossed xxx


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## boobear2872

That isnt far.

Btw im out, spotted for four days and now bleeding alot. I have hcg in my system but not enough. So they said I could possibly have been but im not now. Which honestly doesnt feel good whatever the answer was and is..


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## lizzie78

boobear i'm so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## nobump

Boobear I am sorry to hear you are bleeding :hugs::hugs:

Lizzie I have taken to just hiding things from my timeline, but there is no getting away from seeing the initial post unless you give up FB. I see constant pics of my new Niece who would be a few weeks ahead of my first if it had worked in February.. but have to do the doting aunt bit.


Small update from me, still spotting, day 47 or 48 losing track... bleeding was heavier last week but now less, doc suggested I take Northisterone for 3 weeks, take a break and then start again and use the other meds if bleeding is heavy... if we do another cycle it won't be until July/August before we go for consultation with private clinic, think we need to lead a normal life for a few more months, big 40 in a few weeks, weekend away in Nice planned and then we have a holiday planned in June so want to enjoy those first before attempting another cycle if at all. I am knackered though, and turned up late for work twice this week, but thankfully boss is understanding, as long as I do the work/hours then all is ok.

Thought I was being wise by missing the send off for a colleague who is expecting next month today as WFH, but she will be out tomorrow night when I am out with a group from work..... Oh and the 'friend' who sat in my living room telling me how much she deserved the baby she was carrying after waiting so long for it (after hubby had explained about out failed IVFs to her) is due today, I am not even going to acknowledge it on FB, hubby can do that she is more his friend. I know she was excited, but she is an intelligent woman, so should have known better! or at least realised after the event and said something...

How is everyone else?


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## boobear2872

Thank you lizzy and nobump. We decided to sit out this month or least nothing medically to concieve. Just mentally and physically takes such a toll. Hub refused doner eggs at all but finally after thistime, agrees to talk to doctor about Iit. Being 43with my problems two percent chance with my own eggs is getting to expensive. As for ur friend who is having a baby and rubbed it in ur face, gentle hugs ur way.


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## maxxiandniko

Hi. I may as well join :-(. Anyway I'm embarrassed to say that I'm 43 and still thinking an ivf will work. I married late, had a mc and chemical and went to ivf at age 39 and got my twins (so I'm even more embarrassed to complain). I had 2 more mc's after that with unplanned pregnancies and went crazy after the 2nd mc as far as trying to get pregnant. My husband was not on board with having a third but agreed and in October I started a cycle which got cancelled because I ovulated. I then developed a cyst, went on vacation and started up again in Jan. I got 6 eggs, 4 fertilized, 2 arrested and then only 1 made it to blast stage. I transferred that blast but it was a big fail. I will start again once my period starts and of course feel very not positive about any future cycles


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## lizzie78

Hi Maxxie, you dont need to be embarrassed about anything! We are all at different stages and places so you are welcome. Do you not have to wait for a certain number of bleeds before starting a new cycle?

Small update from me, after a dreadful weekend i got sloshed last night and told DH I thought we out to see a marriage counsellor as i find him almost impossible to talk to. (I do appreciate that drinking a bottle and a half of rose wine is not the best approach to getting my brave on and sorting out marital difficulties!). He managed to stutter a few sentences then along the lines of he doesnt think we need it. Turns out he has assumed we will be trying a final time with our last two frosties and is just giving me time to get over things as instructed by the consultant - sigh. I pointed out that I feel very alone with everything which is not ideal in a marriage let alone one going through infertility and that I had interpreted his silence as meaning we were not going to try again. Coming to terms with the miscarriage is easier than coming to terms with not trying again and a miscarriage iyswim. So, today I feel a little better even if i still wish we could communicate better. He just said he finds it difficult to talk which I do know but it worries me nonetheless. I guess until now it hasnt really mattered as i've been able to intuit what he doesnt say.

hope everyone else had a good easter?


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## beneathmywing

Hi ladies. I know a few of you in here. I hate to share my first bfp was really a blighted ovum and having a d&c performed Friday. I am absolutely devastated and really need the support. Hope you girls are doing well. Xx


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## lizzie78

BMW i'm so sorry to hear that, you must be devastated. Sorry I havent kept up on the other thread as I found it too hard. Welcome to our little group even though i'm sure you would rather not be a member. It has helped me to have a 'home' during this bit. Based on you having a D&C on Friday do I take it that you have only just found out? :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## beneathmywing

lizzie78 said:


> BMW i'm so sorry to hear that, you must be devastated. Sorry I havent kept up on the other thread as I found it too hard. Welcome to our little group even though i'm sure you would rather not be a member. It has helped me to have a 'home' during this bit. Based on you having a D&C on Friday do I take it that you have only just found out? :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Actually, Ive had three weeks of torture. First my beta numbers werent doubling, so my doctor was worried about it being tubal. I had to wait 10 days until I was 6 weeks for an ultrasound which ruled out tubal, but the sac in my uterus was empty. I waited a whole week again for a 7 week ultrasound which was this past Monday and again, completely empty. So I decided on the d&c on Friday so id have the weekend to recover.


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## maxxiandniko

lizzie78 said:


> Hi Maxxie, you dont need to be embarrassed about anything! We are all at different stages and places so you are welcome. Do you not have to wait for a certain number of bleeds before starting a new cycle?
> 
> Small update from me, after a dreadful weekend i got sloshed last night and told DH I thought we out to see a marriage counsellor as i find him almost impossible to talk to. (I do appreciate that drinking a bottle and a half of rose wine is not the best approach to getting my brave on and sorting out marital difficulties!). He managed to stutter a few sentences then along the lines of he doesnt think we need it. Turns out he has assumed we will be trying a final time with our last two frosties and is just giving me time to get over things as instructed by the consultant - sigh. I pointed out that I feel very alone with everything which is not ideal in a marriage let alone one going through infertility and that I had interpreted his silence as meaning we were not going to try again. Coming to terms with the miscarriage is easier than coming to terms with not trying again and a miscarriage iyswim. So, today I feel a little better even if i still wish we could communicate better. He just said he finds it difficult to talk which I do know but it worries me nonetheless. I guess until now it hasnt really mattered as i've been able to intuit what he doesnt say.
> 
> hope everyone else had a good easter?[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> 
> No waiting. As soon as this period comes which should be in 2 weeks I'll start up again.


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## Comfycushions

Happy Friday ladies:flower:

Boobear sorry things didn't work out this time.:hugs:

Bmw so sorry to read your news.:hugs: I hope everything goes quickly and smoothly today.:hugs: such a heartbreaking outcome.

Lizzie, glad to hear you managed a good chat with DH (so what if it took booze courage as long as there was a good outcome!) Have you booked your jersey break yet?

Hi maxi, no need to feel embarrassed. It's awful what TTC can do to us. Good luck with your next cycle.

Nobump, sorry about the continuing bleeding and the insensitive friends.:hugs:

Afm, been up and down. Hurt my back before Easter and that p**s*ed me off! Hobbling about in pain was tiresome but I'm well on the mend now. Read a book (I'm taking my eggs and going home) about a women's journey to a childless life. I had hoped It'd be inspiring and give me hope but it did not have that effect on me at all.:nope: I think the fact there's an outside chance we could conceive (very slim due to DH :spermy:) means ttc will continue to weigh heavy on my mind. Ttc has been a negative impact on my life for years now (missed opportunities due to thinking I'd be pg, tension due to missed bd in fertile window etc, etc, blah, blah) and I'm sick of it!!!! Got appointment with counsellor next week which can't hurt and the glorious sunshine is trying to penetrate my gloomy mood. 
Sorry for whining.

Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.


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## nobump

Lizzie it's funny I usually need to ply my DH with alcohol to get him to talk, and yes alcohol loosens my lips to. It is good that you DH is wanting to have another attempt with your frosties. 

BMW sorry to hear your news, sounds as it you have had a tough few weeks :hugs::hugs:

maxxiandniko, good luck with your new cycle, you egg numbers sound good, I only managed 2 eggs first cycle, none made it to transfer, 1 egg second cycle, transfered but only 2 cell day 3, was unsuccessful, never had a BFP. Men are so hard to read sometimes, they are not good at opening up.


I had a counseling session yesterday, not sure if I still need it, but have another session booked for next month. I have also got my first therapy session to deal with the head injury I had as a child next week, not sure if it will help or not yet, only time will tell, think my IVF counselor is interested to find out how I get on.

On the drive through I was suffering severe menstral pain on the drive through, so was still experiencing it during the session while awaiting the pain killers to kick in. Had severe bleeding overnight, have took today off work, just exhausted, have a doctors appointment later today, not sure what they can do to help, so sick of bleeding.


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## bunyhuny

Hi. I hope it is okay if I join in. I'm going into my sixth transfer in a week and a half and am really down about it. I think all the meds are messing with my head. Not feeling really comfortable on any of the other IVF threads as everyone else is going for their first or second transfer and seem so positive and hopeful- and here I am just hoping that I don't go through beta hell yet again. A good, solid positive or negative is all I ask. No more of this low/slow implantation semi-failure that ends in heartache. I just want it to either be my take-home baby, or not work at all. No more of this loss nonsense.


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## Mrs W 11

Welcome maxiandnikko, definitely don't be embarrassed, it's sad that it takes some of longer to find the right partner, I wish I'd met my hubby younger. I'm only 34 but my amh is very low so I met him too late :( 

Lizzie I'm glad to hear you and hubby talked and that he is happy with trying again with your frosties. What have your clinic said about your losses? 

Welcome BMW, I'm so so sorry to read about your loss, I was hoping for a positive outcome for you.,its such a tough journey, be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. We are here for you lovely if you want to talk xx

Comfy I hope your counsellor appointment goes well and helps. I'm the same, keep hoping against hope I will get preg naturally, event though I know my chances are slim! 

No bump I'm so sorry you are going through all this. How did your drs appointment go? Are they going to investigate the bleeding? Sending hugs to you :hugs:

Welcome buny, of course you can join. Wishing you the best of luck with your upcoming transfer xx


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## Mrs W 11

Oh forgot to add.... Afm....feeling down this weekend as af arrived. I keep hoping for a miracle natural pregnancy but of course not. Silly.

I'm also finding it very hard this time to be 'good' and give up wine and naughty food. I've joined slimming world which I hope will help. Ivf in June/July seems so far away but I know what i eat/do now will affect my eggs then. I really need to start doing my fertility yoga again but I just don't feel like it.

On a good note we've found a house to buy and we are relocating so quite exciting. Lots of positives to focus on while we wait for the summer.

Xx


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## nobump

Oh that's exciting mrs w. Are you moving far? Will a change of scenery help?

Welcome bunnyhunny we will be here to support you. Its a hard reality that ivf does not work for all and its certainly not plain sailing. 

AFM docs appointment went ok. Getting bloods rechecked on Tuesday and back at docs on Wednesday. He was talking about refering me again to a gynae. This bleeding episode is not normal. But was light yesterday and today so not took any meds hopefully be able to wait til Tuesday to start northisterone. 

Think my options to stop bleeding are limited coil, abrasion or hysterectomy. But I want them to double check cause as it has never been like this before and my hystoscopy was over a year ago pre ivf. Laporoscopy was even longer ago. Doc did say if we were opting for a third ivf then to do it soon. But if I am bleeding heavy can I do ivf??

How's everyone enjoying the weekend? Just about to head out to football the fir food withffriends xx


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## beneathmywing

Thanks everyone for the kind words. It's been a tough few days. Had my D&C on Friday. It went well. Doctor was able to collect tissue to send to pathology and also got chromosome blood work done so I should have those results and hopefully answers soon. I am feeling okay physically -- bleeding spotted Friday night and little to no pain. The emotional aspect of it is much harder.

I pray we all get our rainbows soon! What's everyone's timeline on trying again? I know I too pray for a "miracle bfp," but very slim chance here as well!

Welcome, Buny <3 Glad you joined us.


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## Mrs G

Hi ladies

Just wanted to stop by and wish you all luck. I know how sh*t the low times can be, but I do also believe you gain strength each time. Keeping everything crossed for you all. 

Kath xx


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## nobump

Still bleeding but privat consult booked. Hope I will get some answers. 

Just want bleeding to continue to spot but feels like full flow is around the corner again. Just in time for our weekend away. 

How's everyone else? 

Xxxx


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## Mrs W 11

Sorry to hear you are still bleeding lovely :( must be awful for you. Where is your wkend away? Hope you have a fabulous time!!

I'm doing ok, life is so stressful at the moment with trying to organise our relocation and issues with the house we want to buy, so I haven't been thinking as much about baby stuff or the impending ivf really. I guess that's a good thing, to take my mind off it all. I just want to get sorted! I am not good with everything being up in the air, I like feeling settled x


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## beneathmywing

Nobump -- Hope the bleeding has lessened or stopped.

AFM: Five days after my D&C, I went to the ER because I was in excruciating pain. Turns out I had swelling of my lining and that was the cause for the pain/increase in bleeding. I was also passing huge clots for two/three days. Finally barely spotting now and in little to no pain. I am almost close to feeling HUMAN again, physically. I still get my moments emotionally. Every time I get thrown down, and I really got thrown down this time, I am more eager to try again and hope I can soon. I have a follow-up with my doctor on Tuesday so hopefully I can get a timeline.


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## nobump

Mrs w moving house is stressful we moved when I was DR the first cycle. The distraction may be good for you.

BMW glad the ER were able to help. Will you be moving to a FET?

Afm we are in Nice for the weekend. Arrived yesterday went to Monaco today, will take train to cannes tomorrow. Fly back Tuesday. Good to get away. Spotted yesterday and today. But bleed overnight and had clots this morning. We did walk around yesterday evening so not sure if that was the trigger. No bleeding after BD. Nothing makes sense. 

X


----------



## beneathmywing

nobump said:


> Mrs w moving house is stressful we moved when I was DR the first cycle. The distraction may be good for you.
> 
> BMW glad the ER were able to help. Will you be moving to a FET?
> 
> Afm we are in Nice for the weekend. Arrived yesterday went to Monaco today, will take train to cannes tomorrow. Fly back Tuesday. Good to get away. Spotted yesterday and today. But bleed overnight and had clots this morning. We did walk around yesterday evening so not sure if that was the trigger. No bleeding after BD. Nothing makes sense.
> 
> X

Yes, I would like to the next af so we'll see.

I do notice i bleed more, pass more clots when Im standing a lot and walking around, so that might trigger it. Not fun


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## Comfycushions

Nobump, hope you had a lovely birthday and great weekend in nice.

BMW, sorry to hear about the trip to er. Hopefully that's all calmed down now. Good luck with getting ready for next transfer.

Mrsw, good luck with the house move hope it goes smoothly with the minimum of stress.

Afm still just muddling along. Trying to get my head round the idea of living childfree. Mainly concentrating on planning trips and holidays. Still going to counseling, think I'm finding it helpful.

Hope you're all doing ok. xx


----------



## beneathmywing

Comfycushions said:


> Nobump, hope you had a lovely birthday and great weekend in nice.
> 
> BMW, sorry to hear about the trip to er. Hopefully that's all calmed down now. Good luck with getting ready for next transfer.
> 
> Mrsw, good luck with the house move hope it goes smoothly with the minimum of stress.
> 
> Afm still just muddling along. Trying to get my head round the idea of living childfree. Mainly concentrating on planning trips and holidays. Still going to counseling, think I'm finding it helpful.
> 
> Hope you're all doing ok. xx

Im getting there physically, but emotionally im really struggling. The doctor genetically tested my "products of conception" as they call it.. And it was a chromosomally normal female embryo. What a blow to the chest. Ive cried for days. I need to now get blood clotting blood work done and autoimmune blood work done so looks like my fet may be a little delayed :(


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## Comfycushions

Bmw I'm so sorry, that's really tough.:hugs: I hope the blood work gives you some answers and, more importantly, some solutions and doesn't delay you too much. Is there perhaps someone at your clinic you can talk to to help you with the emotional impact?:hugs:


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## beneathmywing

Comfycushions said:


> Bmw I'm so sorry, that's really tough.:hugs: I hope the blood work gives you some answers and, more importantly, some solutions and doesn't delay you too much. Is there perhaps someone at your clinic you can talk to to help you with the emotional impact?:hugs:

I hope I do get answers and soon. 

I might look into talking to someone. I am really havin a hard time and the tears dont stop falling :(


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## Comfycushions

I really hope you do talk to someone. This is just all too shitty and your friends/family (probably) just can't get the full magnitude. Talking to a counsellor has been a life saver for me.xx


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## beneathmywing

Comfycushions said:


> I really hope you do talk to someone. This is just all too shitty and your friends/family (probably) just can't get the full magnitude. Talking to a counsellor has been a life saver for me.xx

Do you see a regular counselor or a fertility one? I have looked up a few infertility counselors.

I have sisters who went through infertility who have been a huge support, but they didnt go through what I have so I dont think they really understand how I feel.


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## Ilovetomatoes

I'm usually in ninja mode. Right now, I just want to give BMW massive :hugs:. I'm so sorry to hear your latest news. Fertility counseling sounds better than regular counseling. 

Comfy and Mrs W :hugs: to you ladies too.

Ok back to ninja mode.


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## beneathmywing

Ilovetomatoes said:


> I'm usually in ninja mode. Right now, I just want to give BMW massive :hugs:. I'm so sorry to hear your latest news. Fertility counseling sounds better than regular counseling.
> 
> Comfy and Mrs W :hugs: to you ladies too.
> 
> Ok back to ninja mode.


:hugs:


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## nobump

CC weekend in Nice was fab. Nice food and wine. Birthday meal was lovely. Heading through to folks today but have picked up a throat infection from flying :-( dam air con. Would recommend adding Nice to your list of places to visit if you haven't been. 

BMW I am sorry to hear your update. My heart is beeaking for you. I agree counselling will help but would recommend an ivf counsellor as well. Xxx


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## Comfycushions

Hi tomato ninja:wave:

Bmw I'm seeing the infertility counsellor from my clinic. I think it's best to see someone who specialises in that field. Assisted reproduction is just a mystery to the wider population! I hope you're doing something nice today.

Nobump glad to hear you had a good time. I've never really considered nice but it is now on my list. Hope your throat heals soon.

Afm, I'm about to go to a pilates class. Reached a stage where I feel well enough to be out and about in public (sounds a bit dramatic I know but depression really does make everything so tricky) Hoping to build up my exercise, get back in shape and enjoy some endorphin action.


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## Jaybo

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've not been posting lately. I'm still lurking and checking in on everyone, but just been struggling a bit lately.

BMW I'm so so sorry you're going through all of this honey. Sending you tons of virtual hugs :hugs: :hugs: I hope you're hanging on in there. I agree, finding a good therapist will help. xxx

Comfy I know what you mean about not feeling up to going out, I think I've developed some sort of social anxiety too lately. I'm ok one to one but the idea of large groups just fills me with dread.

Nobump glad you had a good break! We've went to Bruges last weekend and it was just lovely. 

So, we had our appointment with our new clinic a few weeks ago, and it went well I think. I really like the clinic & Dr (and the guys with top hats!!). He thinks we were just unlucky and shouldn't give up after just one go. I was slightly disappointed that he is not interested in any immune testing and is completely against dhea. I guess i was just hoping for some kind of miracle cure, or at least something new to try, but he just wants us to try more or less the same again. He did explain it all in great detail and I trust his opinion so I think we are going to try again in June/July. I'm feeling a mixture of terrified and just complete lack of hope that anything will be any different to last time. Really need to sort diet, exercise, drinking out. I've put on so much weight since Christmas, but no motivation to do anything about it!! :blush:

Lizzy how you doing hon? Hope you and DH are finding a way to talk through all of this. I have to say me and DH have just stoped communicating now. It can take such a toll on your relationship eh?

Hi MrsW hope things are a bit less stressful with the move. When are you next at the clinic?

Ninja tomato!! :ninja:lol! Hi lovely hope you're doing ok too xx


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## Mrs W 11

Hi everyone

BMW sorry to hear how you are feeling lovely. Hopefully your tests come back normal and you can move on with the fet. Sometimes I guess normal embryos don't develop properly and no one ever really knows why? I'm praying your fet will bring your rainbow. I hope talking to someone really helps :hugs: 

Comfy that all sounds good. Slowly but by bit your confidence will gain until you do feel more comfortable. You are doing so well and doing all the right things. Really inspirational, we are all here cheering you on xx

No bump your trip sounds lovely, so glad you had a nice time! Hope you are feeling better now? 

Hey ilt! Hope those mini tomatoes are doing ok!! 

Mrsg, thanks for stopping by, really thoughtful of you and means so much. It helps to know that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. Xx

Lizzie and aurora, how you doing lovely ladies? 

Jaybo, is your new clinic Lister? And they didn't recommend dhea? Why not? That's weird unless I'm confused and you're using another clinic..... They have recommended dhea to me, I've been taking it for a month. I too am planning to do ivf again in June/July. Ill have been on dhea and cqo10 for 3 months by then so plan to start the pill on my June af. I'm doing long protocol this time compared the antagonist last time. What protocol are you doing? 

Dates are all abit

Dates are all up in the air for us at the moment as we have bought a house!! Very exciting but we are relocating and looks like it might all be happening around June/July time so it's if we can make it all work with me being off work, moving, my lo not being at nursery etc.


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## Jaybo

Hi MrsW, congrats on your new house. So exciting. My diary is completely packed with work for June so I'm thinking we'll be starting in July. We can be cycle buddies again! :friends:

Yep I am at the lister too. I thought it was odd because I remember how keen they were that you took dhea for 3 months before cycling again, I'd already been taking it for around a month. I think different Drs just have different views. His was that there's just not the science or the research to back up it's use in fertility treatment. :shrug: He did say if I wanted to try it he could refer us to another Dr at the clinic, but preferred me not to take it. I think I'll be on the long protocol too. They're retesting my amh and I'm going back for a scan in a couple of weeks so I guess we'll find out more then.


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## beneathmywing

Thanks, girls :hugs:

I've felt the same way about going out. I went out for dinner with some friends last night and actually laughed! I haven't laughed in God knows how long. It felt so good.


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## boobear2872

Just wanted to pop in. After two tries not making it to ivf, having hard time. We have another try and the doc is pushing doner eggs so. We are talking about it.


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## boobear2872

Just wanted to pop in. After two tries not making it to ivf, having hard time. We have another try and the doc is pushing doner eggs so. We are talking about it.


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## Mrs W 11

Jaybo I can't believe given that we are the same age and if I remember rightly have very similar amh (mine was 3 in November) that we have got such different responses from the same clinic?! Who are you seeing? 

I haven't been told to get my amh retested? I asked about the dhea as its on their website and they said to me there is no evidence because it hasn't been tested but alot of people do say it works and so they said I had nothing to loose by trying it. I plan to start the pill on my June af and ivf will happen in July. Are you starting pill in July? 

Bono bear I'm sorry to read this. Donor egg has also been mentioned to me although I will try at least one more cycle with my own eggs, if not two depending on how my response is on my next try. But I've already decided that if after two more tries with my eggs, by the end of this year if I'm not pregnant I will use a donor. I just want more children and I will do whatever it takes. Sending hugs to you. 

Xx


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## Jaybo

BMW  so glad to hear you managed to get out and enjoy yourself and take your mind off things for a little bit. Its so easy to forget what live outside of infertility looks like. I'm really trying to force myself to go out a bit more recently.

Boobear  so sorry your cycle didnt work out. :hugs: Thinking about using DE is a difficult one. How do you feel about it? Me and DH have spoken about it as a next step if this doesn't work, but couldnt come to a decision so have just parked it for now until we find out how things go.

MrsW  I know, this was how I felt too after the appointment. Were in almost exactly the same situation regarding age, amh, attempts at treatment, but seem to have been told completely different things. We saw Mr T0lba and really liked him, but I have to say I was completely shocked too at first that we got such different responses about how they are going to approach our treatment. I had my AMH tested in Nov too, so I dont think it was necessary to retest it, but I cant help but be terrified that its dropped even further.

Ill keep you posted on when we get a starting date but I'm hoping we will start with my June cycle too. Have you got another appointment or did they give you your meds and schedule on your first visit?


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## Mrs W 11

Jaybo it will be interesting to see if our protocols and treatment are the same as I guess that's the really important thing? Fingers crossed your amh hasn't dropped much if at all. Remember though its just a number, ladies with less than 1 have got pregnant before. 

I got my prescriptions at my first appointment so I need to go and get my pill first and ill get the rest a bit closer to the time. I am still trying not to think about it at all until June. It looks like we might be moving house in June as well so it's going to be a busy time!! 

I agree the donor egg (or sperm) is a very hard decision to come to terms with and I am glad they insist on counselling. Obviously I know it will be hard if that's the route we have to take, I will need and will take the counselling but in my heart of hearts I know I will do it if I need to. I desperately want another pregnancy, more babies. I really wanted 3 and I know the chances are, even if I'm lucky with my own eggs I will only get one more baby, whereas if we do go donor ill be able to have 2 more kids. The only thing is I'd want the same donor for both so we will have to wait and see what life brings us! 

Have a nice bank holiday weekend.


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## Comfycushions

Hi everyone:wave: Hope you've all had a good weekend. I've, for the first time in years, got bank holiday Monday off and I'm hoping to have some fun in the intermittent sunshine!

Bmw, that's great you got to go out and have a laugh. Any semblance of a 'normal' happy existence needs grasping when it pops up. Hopefully you'll have more and more days like that.:hugs:

Mrsw, wow not long till your move, how exciting!:thumbup: Also you're new cycle will be here so soon. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Jaybo, keeping everything crossed for you too. It really is odd how different the ideas of two docs within the same clinic are. Hopefully all you and mrsw need to get your babies will be provided by the top hat establishment.

Boo, I hope you're getting some clarity as to how you feel about pursuing donor eggs. A really difficult decision I'm sure.

Lizzie, hope you're doing OK. (Well I hope you're doing fabulously but that might be pushing it.)

Afm still trying to take each day as it comes. Been keeping up the exercise regime. Went to yoga on Friday. The two people in front of me were pregnant, the teacher was pregnant and just as we went into relaxation someone dashed over to tell the person next to me that someone they knew was pregnant. WTF! I was lying in savasanna silently sobbing. Rushed out of there and spent the rest of the day loudly sobbing:cry: Not going to that class again:haha: Made it back to the gym yesterday though. So well done me!!


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## lizzie78

Comfy - you are doing so well with the exercise but oh my goodness I can't (well I can because life sucks like that!) believe what happened at your yoga class! Similar thing happened to me in the Burger King queue at the services on Friday night (blush lol). I genuinely think everyone except me (well and you lovely ladies) really is pregnant or dying to discuss someone who is at the moment - grrr!! Hope you are feeling better after a couple of days Comfy and I totally agree don't touch that class with a barge pole!

Sorry I havent been keeping up so well with what has been going on but Mrs W when are you moving??

Jaybo and Mrs W it's great that you both have plans even if the difference seems a little odd! June is only around the corner.

Boobear, take your time and keep posting here when you are ready.

BMW how are you sweetie?

Nobump - how did you get on with the consultant last week? I keep thinking about you xxx

Sorry if i've missed anyone, trying to post before the office fills up as this website isnt exactly discreet!!

Cautiously I think I might have turned a corner over the last few days. I'm still sad, scared and confused but feel like i've lifted up a little bit. I still havent sorted diet or exercise out but am going to the Army Navy game at Twickenham this weekend with DH so it seems a bit pointless this week since that will be a full day drinkathon. Next week though!! I can start my final cycle after 3 bleeds and have just had my second. I can't imagine being ready to go again in another 6 weeks though so will delay that I think. I feel terrified at the thought of another cycle and at the thought of another cycle not working so need to get my head sorted and clear before being ready to give it a crack I think. Had a nice BH weekend actually, DH and I went to the caravan and just lazed around. Well I had a migraine and he's put his back out lol so we didnt have much choice but tentatively I feel like we might have reconnected a little bit - fingers crossed a day back in the real world doesnt put an end to that!

xxx


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## SoCal Girl

Hey girls! I just went thru my first cycle of IVF, and it failed...got a BFN test last week. 

I've got one frostie waiting for me, my next step is to do an FET, but if that doesn't work, probably in July or August I will have to do a whole new fresh cycle. 

In the meantime, I'm loading up on supplements that should help me produce better quality eggs and help with my fertility overall. I'm taking things like CoQ10, L-Arginine & L-Ornithine, and quite a few others. Also loading up on these extra vitamins and minerals should help by reducing the chances of miscarriage and should encourage much healthier & stronger fetal development.

Anyone else taking supplements to help with your baby making?


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## beneathmywing

SoCal -- Sorry about the BFN :hugs: We all know in here how hard it is. Hope your frostie is your baby!!! 


Lizzie -- Hi, Lovey <3 I'm okay... Just okay. I have my days still. Mother's Day is coming up in the States and that was going to be my announcing day to the fam.. would have been 12 weeks on Monday. I am pretty bummed :cry:

Are you doing a FE? Did your RE tell you you had to wait three bleeds? Mine said I could do a FE next AF after my D&C and was actually surprised I could try again so soon. My chromosome testing on the embryo showed it was chromosomally normal =( so my RE wants me to do autoimmune testing and blood clotting blood work once my HCG goes down to zero, which will be hopefully next week so not sure when my FE will be now, hopefully soon though.


Comfy -- Sorry about your yoga session, hun! Some situations are just TOO hard to be in. I had to deny an invitation to my cousin's daughter's first birthday party next month. I just can't do that to myself, especially right now.


Mrs W & Jaybo -- If I get to transfer in June-ish we may all be cycle buddies yet again? Maybe we will bring each other luck this time! FX!


Boobear -- Lots of hugs to you sweety :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## lizzie78

Hi Socal :hugs:

BMW :hugs: for you too, mothers day is so hard. It was the UK version just after I miscarried :cry: Sending lots of love. I'll be interested to hear how you get on with the testing as I'm in a complete quandry about it at the moment.

It's 3.5K for the tests here plus 2.5K for the FET and our clinic havent really advised us to go for them as yet but this is my last chance, DH is adamant no more IVF after this next go. The clinic say that after 2 early MC it's more likely to be down to embryo quality but ive read conflicting things about that. I'm already being treated for clotting issues becasue I had DVT so the level 1s wouldnt tell me much, its the level 2s that are more likely to show something. Problem is we dont really have the 3K for the tests so do i just go with the clinic and hope that embryos have been flawed or risk completely alienating DH by insisting we find the money for the tests when they might all come up fine - sigh.

My clinic do insist on 3 bleeds but only because they like to know that the body is as back to normal as possible. It varies I guess but it makes sense for me as I want to feel like i have put the previous cycle behind me before trying again.

:kiss:


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## nobump

Boobear sorry for you failed cycles. My counselor talked to us about donnor eggs, but we have decided against going down that route, but I appreciated what she said, about whether you would accept a lung/kidney transplat etc..

Comfycushions, hope you enjoyed the bank holiday, the yoga class sounds like a sketch from a comedy show, only it's not funny. I would steer clear of it as well.

Lizzie, good to hear you are starting to feel better, agree it is good idea to look to start your new regime after the army / navy game. The cost for your test and FET are expensive... can you get anything done on the NHS? Or do you have any private insurance that can help? 

I had my hysteroscopy and d&c yesterday, bit crampy and tired today. Doc had said he wasn't able to remove the whole fibroid and is recommending I get treated by another gynae who is an IVF specialist, will await the letter and will phone my insurance to sort out the next procedure. The other procedure removes the fybroid in sections. Part of me is wondering why I am going through this, when I am undecided on our next move. Feel like I am running out of time... was not expecting to have to have another op.

SoCal Girl, sorry for you lost, FX for you frostie.

Mrs W, good luck for June, at lest you have a bit of time to pack and get organised for your move.

BMW, how are you?


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## beneathmywing

nobump said:


> Boobear sorry for you failed cycles. My counselor talked to us about donnor eggs, but we have decided against going down that route, but I appreciated what she said, about whether you would accept a lung/kidney transplat etc..
> 
> Comfycushions, hope you enjoyed the bank holiday, the yoga class sounds like a sketch from a comedy show, only it's not funny. I would steer clear of it as well.
> 
> Lizzie, good to hear you are starting to feel better, agree it is good idea to look to start your new regime after the army / navy game. The cost for your test and FET are expensive... can you get anything done on the NHS? Or do you have any private insurance that can help?
> 
> I had my hysteroscopy and d&c yesterday, bit crampy and tired today. Doc had said he wasn't able to remove the whole fibroid and is recommending I get treated by another gynae who is an IVF specialist, will await the letter and will phone my insurance to sort out the next procedure. The other procedure removes the fybroid in sections. Part of me is wondering why I am going through this, when I am undecided on our next move. Feel like I am running out of time... was not expecting to have to have another op.
> 
> SoCal Girl, sorry for you lost, FX for you frostie.
> 
> Mrs W, good luck for June, at lest you have a bit of time to pack and get organised for your move.
> 
> BMW, how are you?

Hope you recover well from the D&C :hugs: Sorry you are looking at another procedure! All this sucks so much.

I'm okay.. This weekend coming hurts. I was going to announce being pregnant on Mother's day (states) as I'd be 12 weeks on Monday. I think maybe once I pass that hurdle I can start to heal or attempt to.


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## nobump

Bmw hope the weekend isn't as bad as you are thinking it will be. Significant dates alwats hurt. xxx


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## Comfycushions

Hi socal, welcome. Sorry for your bfn.:hugs: Hope things work out differently with your frosty cycle. I'm not taking anything for fertility any more as I'm hoping to reconcile with living child free (having said that we bd a few times around ov this month-giving up on th dream is so tricky :dohh:!)

Lizzie that's great that you've been feeling a bit better and that you and dh had a good time at your caravan. Good for you!:thumbup:

Bmw I hope you're able to find somethings to distract you this weekend and that it passes quickly for you.:hugs:

Nobump sorry you have to face another op, that's just rubbish.:hugs: 
I agree the yoga debacle was like some sort of comedy farce scene! In fact it almost seems funny to me now (in quite a dark way) it was so ludicrous.

Afm not really sure what to do with myself this weekend. Ho hum.


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## Jaybo

Hi girls,

How is everyone doing? Hope you are enjoying the weekend.

Comfy that yoga class sounds like hell! Poor you :hugs: Yes stay well clear in the future. I bottled out of a birthday lunch with a group of friends yesterday as there are two with young babies and two more expecting and it just feels a little but like rubbing salt in the wounds, we just dont need it at the moment!

Lizzy glad youre starting to feel a bit better. How was the ruby yesterday? We live quite near the stadium and my brother goes every year, but Ive never made it along. Sounds like a fun day. I dont feel ready at all either, Im just planning on taking each day at a time this time and not thinking (hoping) too far ahead, if that makes sense.

BMW How are you doing sweetie, hope your hanging in there this weekend. :hugs: Mothers day is never easy but after everything youve been through this year its not surprising youre feeling like this. At least its done and dusted for another 12 months after this and hopefully next year well all be in a better place then. 

How exciting if were going to be cycle buddies again! :happydance:

Hi Solcal, sorry about your BFN. Good luck for your FET. Im just taking prenatal vitamins this time around.

Nobump, hope you are recovering ok from your D&C. Sorry to hear theyre having to have another operation. Is your plan to do another full cycle or FET in the future? Its all so difficult with the time and money we lose going through all of this. :hugs:

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

AFM, got my next appointment at the top hat clinic next week and excited and apprehensions about the next steps, and jumping on the rollercoaster again.
xxx


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## Mrs W 11

Hi ladies, 

I'm having a bit of a bad weekend baby wise :( most of the time I think I'm doing ok and then this weekend I found out one person is pregnant but never even bothered to get in touch and tell me which really hurt me, and another good friend, whose son is a year younger than my daughter is pregnant with no 2, and she's 6 months pregnant! I just hate that she's hidden it for me for so long, clearly feeling sorry for me and hoping I might announce a pregnancy before she had to tell me. Ugh. This is so so so so hard. 

Jaybo, hope you appointment goes well, fingers crossed your amh has stayed the same or even improved a bit, sometimes it can do. Enjoy your appointment at the top hat clinic!! I'm thinking about delaying my cycle as it looks like we are going to be moving mid July and if I start the pill early June that will coincide with egg collection etc, would be really stressful. So better to wait till we are in the new house and I can be relaxed, no job to stress about etc. 

BMW how you doing lovely. Hope Mother's Day hasn't been too tough for you. Thinking of you. I agree once big dates you are dreading pass you can start to move on. It really will get easier with time although you never forget of course xx

Nobump, sorry to hear of all you are going through my love, when is your next procedure? It will all be worth it in the end but I understand how tough it must be and am thinking of you.

Lizzie nice to hear from you, glad you are feeling a little better. I seem to take 3 steps forward and then 1 or 2 back but we are moving forwards all the same, albeit slowly and painfully. 

Comfy how was your weekend in the end did you do much? The yoga class sounds horrible. Sorry my lovely :hugs:

We've started packing for our big move and all of my dd baby stuff is just in bin bags in the loft. We've got it all down because i had kept everything assuming I'd need it soon and I need to sort through and save favourite stuff and get rid of the rest and then box it up in big plastic containers. I'm not looking forward to it and know there will be some tears. 

Anyway, I'm busy at work next week so that will make time go faster I hope. Lots of hugs to you all xxx


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## Jaybo

Hi MrsW sorry you've had a difficult few days. :hugs: that's horrible to think that your friend was keeping her pregnancy from you, even if it was well intentioned and she didn't want to hurt your feelings.This time we've decided not to tell anyone we're trying again, because the few people we did tell last time just became awkward around us talking about babies or pregnancies. One friend even told us about her second pregnancy in a Christmas card as she said she didn't know how to tell me in person, it really upset me. Urgh it's all so tough. :hugs:

I think you've made the right decision delaying starting until after your move. That does sound a bit stressful to do both at once!

My appointment at the top hat clinic went well. Although to my disappointment the guy at the front wasn't wearing his hat!! :shock: do you think I can ask for my money back?! 

I was completely shocked to find out my amh had gone up to 7 pmol (from 2.4), still low but I'll take that, and my afc was 9. Which is more then it was after 10 days of stims. My body is so confusing! Dr suggested we start this month but I'm so busy at work throughout June we've decided to start on my next cycle. Gosh it's all starting to feel very real again! :wacko:

Hope everyone else is doing ok. :flower:*


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## Comfycushions

Hi ladies, hope everyone is doing good.

Mrs w sorry to hear you had a few upsetting baby related days.:hugs:I'm quite lucky I suppose in that of my 5 best female friends 3 of them are childless by choice/circumstance. While they can't really get their heads round what I'm going through they're very unlikely to confront me with baby bumps.
Hope everything is progressing smoothly with the move, that you've manged to sort through the baby stuff in the loft so that upsetting experience is now behind you and that you'll soon be settled in your lovely new house and in a good place ready to cycle again.

Jaybo that is awesome news about your amh and afc.:happydance: Shonky performance though that top hat was missing! I can't believe it's nearly time for your next cycle, seems have come round so quickly. I'm really hopeful for you:hugs:

Afm had a mopey few weeks of the oh poor me I wanted to be a mummy variety:cry:. Still been hauling myself to the gym though (apart from the yoga class of fertiles obviously!). I've still got a stubborn pouch of lower belly fat, grr, but in two weeks time I'll be bearing it on a sunny beach in greece regardless! . Here's hoping there wont be too many kids at the hotel and dh and I can enjoy some much needed quality time together without me being sad (feeling a bit guilty about it) 

Much love to everyone. xx


----------



## Nelly special

Mrs W 11 said:


> Hi everyone, thanks for joining. Really hoping this can be a place we can chat and try and help each other through the tough times. Totally agree, infertility is just absolutely heartbreaking, it's been such a huge shock to me asi got pregnant very easily with my dd and my mmc to now find out my amh is so low I may never have another baby :cry:
> 
> Plex - I'm just about to have a glass of wine now! I've heard about people going abroad for treatment, is it cheaper than the uk? Have they said why your first cycle may have failed or was it perhaps bad luck?
> 
> Boo bear :hugs: I'm so sorry to hear about your cycle. I hope you get some answers at your follow up as to why your ovaries reacted like this. Maybe there is another stim drug they can try you on?
> 
> Wanbmum is there a reason for your infertility or unexplained? Don't give up lovely, if they have recommended iui you must still have a great chance for pregnancy, it wasn't even an option for me.
> 
> Jillie I'm so sorry to hear your fet failed. Do you have any more frosties? Take some time to look after yourself. Your little miracle was worth the tough journey and your next one will be too.
> 
> Plex my next step is that I have an appointment at the lister next week in London as they specialise in low amh so I want to see what they say. I also have my follow up appointment at my clinic next week too. We plan to see what they say but we will only try max a year or 2 more ivfs with my eggs before moving to donor. Xx

I just had my first ivf cycle, I went to the hospital at exactly 12pm today n it came out Negative! &#128549;&#128549; God help me


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## beneathmywing

Sorry, Nelly :hugs:


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## Comfycushions

Sorry nelly:hugs:
I hope you're doing whatever you can to look after yourself today.

I know it wont help today but the initial pain of that negative does start to fade. I can still clearly remember sobbing from the gut wrenching despair as dh drove me home but it doesn't hurt as acutely now. :hugs:


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## Comfycushions

Bmw how are you doing lovely?


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## Comfycushions

I've just found myself googling IVF abroad........I'm going to step away from the internet!


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## Jaybo

So sorry Nelly. It's so difficult and unfair, but as Comfy says it does become less painful with time. Hope you are getting lots of support and looking after yourself :hugs:

Comfy, sorry you've had a tough few days. :hugs: Well done for keeping up the gym. I'm trying my best to get back in shape but the motivation is just not there! Maybe I need to book a beach holiday too! ;-) When are you off to Greece? Don't feel bad about Googling treatment, it's only normal to want to explore different options when your coming to terms with, or deciding what to do next. We've gone back and forward so many times in our discussions. Afterall these are probably (hopefully) the most difficult decisions we'll have to make. :flower:

Beneath, hope you're doing OK lovely x x


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## beneathmywing

Hi, girls <3

Pretty anxious. DH got his blood drawn last week for autoimmune testing and I'm doing mine tomorrow. Had to wait for my hcg to hit 0. Doctor is testing is to see if our autoimmune systems match and I am terrified. Hoping for good results in 2 weeks! FX!

Hope you guys are all hanging in there and pushing forward. I pray for you all<3


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## Jaybo

Figers crossed for you beneath! Praying you get good news in a couple of weeks. Do you have to wait for the results of all these new tests before you can plan for FET?


----------



## Comfycushions

Jaybo the prospect of baring my body in a bikini has certainly been a great motivator! We're flying on the 29th, yay.
I didn't do too much investigating, I still think ivf is the last thing I want to do to myself I guess it's like you said just a need to be absolutely clear on what I think about various options.

Bmw that's a shame you've got to wait so long for your blood test results. Why must everything with having a baby come in trying two week time slots. I'll be keeping everything crossed for a good result for you so you can move on to you're fet with a clear plan for success.


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## beneathmywing

Jaybo said:


> Figers crossed for you beneath! Praying you get good news in a couple of weeks. Do you have to wait for the results of all these new tests before you can plan for FET?

Thanks! I need all the prayers I can get. Yepp, I need all these results first just in case something is up and we need a different course of action. Hate to waste my frosties for nothing!



Comfycushions said:


> Jaybo the prospect of baring my body in a bikini has certainly been a great motivator! We're flying on the 29th, yay.
> I didn't do too much investigating, I still think ivf is the last thing I want to do to myself I guess it's like you said just a need to be absolutely clear on what I think about various options.
> 
> Bmw that's a shame you've got to wait so long for your blood test results. Why must everything with having a baby come in trying two week time slots. I'll be keeping everything crossed for a good result for you so you can move on to you're fet with a clear plan for success.

Yeah, they ship out the blood to an outside company that tests for immune issues so thats why it takes a while. It sucks, but ive waited this long.. Hopefully two weeks goes by fast!!


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## Jaybo

Comfy a beach holiday sounds just what you need. I love Greece, me and DH have been back a few times to the islands over the years. Hope you have a really fab time.

Beneath, I hope the next two weeks fly by. Try not to worry too much (I know easier said then done). Hang in there girl xxx


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## beneathmywing

Jaybo said:


> Comfy a beach holiday sounds just what you need. I love Greece, me and DH have been back a few times to the islands over the years. Hope you have a really fab time.
> 
> Beneath, I hope the next two weeks fly by. Try not to worry too much (I know easier said then done). Hang in there girl xxx

Ohhh Greece! Id love if DH and I could afford to go on vacation. I bet it would do us a load of good, but we just cant afford it right now with all these doctor bills!!

Im trying to stay calm!! Hope it comes fast though.


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## nobump

Nelly sorry for your failed cycle. :hugs::hugs:

Comfycushions, looking at alternatives is only natural, a few on this board have been successful with treatment abroad, but not sure it is for everyone. Wish I can motivate myself to go to the gym, just tried on a few dress, not liking the look of myself in the changing room mirrors. Enjoy your holiday.

beneathmywing, FX for your blood test, sorry it takes so long!

AFM, Just had an appointment with new consultant, should be getting booked in for an endometrial resection next week, hopefully on Tuesday or Friday next week hopefully this will be the end to the persistent bleeding, tried to get an answer out of him re his thoughts on whether I should try another IVF cycle, but couldn't get a clear response. I keep seeing adoption/fostering adverts, and today I was positive the couple at the next table to me were discussing being successful with fostering or adoption. Not sure if I am having second thoughts about going down this route, need to try and sort things out in my head before discussing this with my DH.

How is everyone else doing? 

xx


----------



## Comfycushions

Hi everyone.:hi: Hope you're all ok.

I've not been posting as spent a few weeks sort of blundering around in what felt like the depths of despair. (bit dramatic I know:blush:) Anyway there was lots of sobbing and what not. I need to keep reminding myself that I'm just going through a grieving process and will survive. At the moment I'm not feeling too bad. The week in the sun definitely helped (apart from the day we went to the beach and as soon as we'd paid for our sun loungers got surrounded by a load of different families with their young babies! I shed a few silent tears then managed to get on with my day-I'm definitely taking that as a positive for myself.) 
Still really struggling with not knowing what I want to do (I feel like I need to have a plan-but i do realise that 'having a plan' isn't crucial or the be all and end all) On the one hand I know absolutely that I don't want to put myself and dh through the emotional, physical and (ludicrous) financial toll of ivf but walking away from ttc is just so hard that i waver in my conviction. 
I'm hoping that maybe by the end of the year I'll be able to look at fostering (something I'd always wanted to do previously) in a more positive light. At the moment considering it just seems to compound the feeling of loss of not carrying and giving birth to my own child. 

Anyway self pity aside I've got a bit of a tan and indulged in lots of sweet treats, copious amounts of good food and booze! Back on my holistic lifestyle and exercise plan at some point next week.

Nobump, how did your procedure go. I hope it's been done and has sorted out the issue you were having with bleeding. 
Have you had a chat with DH about fostering/adoption? I'll be very interested to know how you get on if you go down that route. I think I'm leaning towards long term fostering if we go down that route (but then who knows, after all it was just a couple of weeks ago i was considering IVF abroad!:haha:) 

Jaybo, have you joined a thread for your next cycle? I intend to be keeping an eye on your progress:haha: I'm really hopeful for you.

Mrs W have you moved yet. I hope it went well/goes smoothly.

Love and :hugs: and :kiss:Lizzie, aurora and everyone else.


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## Jaybo

Hi everyone,

Comfy -- sorry you've been feeling low :hugs: :hugs: It is a grieving process process we're going through so it's not surprising to be feeling this way. I know I'm going in for another cycle, but I relate to so much that you're saying. Glad you had a nice holiday and got to enjoy a bit of sunshine. 

I haven't joined another cycle thread this time. I think because I have been in denial about putting myself through this again, I might have missed the boat! I have started up a LTTTC journal which I'm going to try and keep up dated this time around. Stalkers very welcome! 

Nobump -- hope you're procedure went okay and it's put a stop to the bleeding.

It's been a bit quiet on this thread recently, hope everyone is doing okay :hugs::hugs:


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## Comfycushions

I've found your journal and commenced stalking!xx


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## Jaybo

Thanks hon :friends:


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## nobump

CC - A failed cycle takes time to get over, but to be honest I am not sure if you ever truly 'get over' it, you are just able to accept it, but there will always be reminders of the cycle and a sense of loss for what could have been. Think I rue the first cycle more than the 2nd, I think I had more hope with the 1st although I responded better with the 2nd, I feel that was doomed before we started... 

Jaybo, good luck with your new cycle, is there not any threads for folk on the 2nd/3rd attempt that you can join? It's no easy when there are folk who are new to the process and hard when you see folk going through a cycle hassle free and it works first time, you are of course pleased but it isn't easy. Will have a look for your journal.

AFM, op went well, but was sore and tired for a few days afterwards, glad I took the rest of the week of work. Had a bit of spotting afterwards, but no heavy bleeding. Not sure when my next cycle will start. We are on holiday a week today so hoping it either comes this week or waits until July. I also had my last counseling session last week, think that the sessions helped, but feel I am coping with things at the moment and we need to decided what our next move is now, not ready to definitely say no more cycles, although I have no enthusiasm for another cycle. We are heading to a fostering information session next weekend, not sure we will go down that route, but interested to find out more. DH is already planning our next holiday in September, so I can see the positives of a child free life, less stress, more free cash and lots of holidays.... what is not to like. Maybe NTNP is the way to go next... maybe now the fibroid is away we may stand more of chance... who knows...

How is everyone else doing? 

xx


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## Jaybo

Hi Nobump, that's great news that your op went well and you're no longer bleeding as mcuh. Before we signed up for this cycle we were also looking at attending information evenings on fostering/adoption. I think if this cycle doesn't work then we'll have a bit more of a serious look at it as an option. Even if it doesn't turn out to be something you want to consider any further, I think going through the process of looking into all the different options, even just to ruled them out, can be helpful. I'd be really interested to find out how you get on.

I'm going to have a look around if there are cycle threads to join, but I think most people of the May/June cycles are coming to the end of treatment. I know what you mean about it being different the 2nd/3rd time around!

xx


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## lizzie78

Hey ladies, sorry I havent been around. It's been too difficult to come on here generally.

Comfy, sounds like you had a rough few weeks. I agree with nobump, i dont think we get over failed cycles, they change us (for good or bad) and are lived with. 

Nobump, I am keeping everything crossed that this operation finally makes a difference to your cycles, I guess we will know when you get your next AF. Have a lovely break.

Jaybo - found your diary and signed up as a stalker ;)

Going to say a little hello to my cycle twin Aurora who I don't think is checking the boards as she isnt in a good place right now but sending her lots of love.

Afm, not much to say, I'm finding it hard to move on from the last cycle and really admire those who have already thrown themselves back in.

Will check back again soon and be around a little more

xxx


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## Nikki of NZ

Hi ladies,
May I please join your thread, I see a lot of you have been talking for some time but I haven't had much luck finding current threads or starting anything for people that have had failed IVF cycles. It's been a while since I've been on here, as you all know it just gets too hard.
A little about me....
At this stage we have no reason for our infertility as all tests we've had have been "normal" . So the next step is paying for a hysteroscopy which I have booked in for next month and then our 2nd IVF cycle is due to start in August. The basics of what we've been through is in my signature. 
I would like to wish you all the best in your journeys, whatever that may bring


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## lizzie78

Hi Nikki, of course you can join us :)

So sorry you having a tough time of things too.
xxx


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## Comfycushions

Nobump, glad the op went well, fingers crossed it will have sorted things out for you. Really hope you get an af free holiday.

Lizzie sorry to hear you've been struggling. 
Also sorry to hear your cycle twin Aurora is having a hard time of things. Lots of love to both of you.

Hi nikki, welcome. Hope your hysteroscopy is able to give you some answers. Sorry for what you've been through.

Afm, I've discovered the pregnant instructor from the preggo yoga class of doom has gone on mat leave and the class has been rebranded as body sculpting yoga. I've signed myself up for tomorrow but might chicken out-don't want to risk heading back into depression if it's still full of baby bumps but if they've all gone to have their babies too it could be a good class and excise some demons from that whole awful experience. Hmm, decisions, decisions!


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## beneathmywing

Just want to say I've been reading along and sending hugs to everyone :hugs: :hugs: Sorry we are all still having a hard time. I too still get my days.

I had my nurse appt today though, so I finally feel like I am doing something now! AF should be here on the 21st-ish and I start my FET cycle. I am doing a medicated cycle so it's 5-6 weeks and lotssss of medsss! But it's okay.

I was also diagnosed with high NK cells when doing my autoimmune work up, so I'll be doing an Intralipid infusion via IV a week before transfer.


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## Nikki of NZ

Thank you ladies for being so welcoming. I am curious if any of you have tried any natural alternatives in between cycles? I have been reading a lot about castor oil packs and with not knowing exactly what's wrong it's seems to be a good overall option and if nothing else it's a good excuse to relax for an hour &#128522;


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## lizzie78

Comfy - you are so brave, no chance at all i would set foot back there even if it had been rebranded lol. Let us know how it goes if you do brave it x

BMW, wow not long until it starts again. How are you feeling about it? My last cycle was a medicated FET, I couldnt believe there were more drugs than with a fresh cycle lol. 

Nikki, I havent heard of that one although I thought I had tried it all! Really if it wont don you any harm then why not, sometimes we just need to know that we did everything we could. What is it that you do with the castor oil?

Hope everyone has had a peaceful weekend. I have a thumping headache but am feeling smug as I've spent the whole time doing my assignments for a diploma I'm doing. Working full time its hard to fit it in and my next module starts in a month so I was a bit up against it. Treating myself now, roast pork is in the oven ready for a full on sunday lunch when DH gets back from golf. If only I hadnt drunk all the wine I would treat myself to a glass of that too! xxx


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## beneathmywing

lizzie78 said:


> Comfy - you are so brave, no chance at all i would set foot back there even if it had been rebranded lol. Let us know how it goes if you do brave it x
> 
> BMW, wow not long until it starts again. How are you feeling about it? My last cycle was a medicated FET, I couldnt believe there were more drugs than with a fresh cycle lol.
> 
> Nikki, I havent heard of that one although I thought I had tried it all! Really if it wont don you any harm then why not, sometimes we just need to know that we did everything we could. What is it that you do with the castor oil?
> 
> Hope everyone has had a peaceful weekend. I have a thumping headache but am feeling smug as I've spent the whole time doing my assignments for a diploma I'm doing. Working full time its hard to fit it in and my next module starts in a month so I was a bit up against it. Treating myself now, roast pork is in the oven ready for a full on sunday lunch when DH gets back from golf. If only I hadnt drunk all the wine I would treat myself to a glass of that too! xxx

I am getting excited -- but trying to tame that excitement as I know there is no guarantee in all this! I will be on a lottt of meds. BCP for 10 days, Lupron, Femara, Prednisone, Folic Acid, Fish Oil, Vitamin, Doxy before transfer and a few days after, Progesterone and doing an Intralipid infusion a week before transfer!! I think that's it... lol

Hope your headache is better!! Enjoy your Sunday with DH =)


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## Nikki of NZ

I was told about it by a friend who uses it to keep her PCOS under control.
It's used to detox not just the reproductive organs but is really good for liver and kidneys aswell, it helps to remove possible scar tissue and create a good blood flow to encourage healthy growth of new tissue, it's an anti inflammatory and rapid healer. All you do is soak a flannel in castor oil, fold it in half and place it over your abdomen, put a piece of plastic over it that's just bigger than the flannel(I just cut out a square from a shopping bag) put a hot water bottle on top of that and relax for an hour. Keep your castor oil flannel in a container in the fridge and it can be reused with the same oil for the entire process which is 3days on 3days off for 3weeks. You aren't supposed to do it during AF or if there's a possibility of pregnancy. I gave it a go, unfortunately it's another one of those things that you have no idea if it's making a difference but yes I do feel if there's no harm that can come of it I have to try everything!
I've read it can also be used to increase sperm count in males by putting it directly on the testicles and letting it soak in for a bit, without heat of course, but there is a lot less information about that side out there so I'm not 100% sure.


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## lizzie78

Nikki of NZ said:


> I've read it can also be used to increase sperm count in males by putting it directly on the testicles and letting it soak in for a bit, without heat of course, but there is a lot less information about that side out there so I'm not 100% sure.

Lizzie wanders off looking for Castor oil for Mr Lizzie before realising he would likely divorce her if she asked him to do one more thing with his boys :wacko: :dohh: I'd say go for it Nikki, it will keep you occupied at least ;)

BMW, you're phone alarm won't know what's hit it with all those lol. I found the hardest thing that I had stuff being staggered through the day, I always seemed to be having to take something!

xxx


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## nobump

Hi Nikki. I tried caster oil for a little while. Just went to bed a little earlier. Often fell asleep with it on. Not sure if it helped. Don't think DH would agree to using it. I was using it for my fibroid.

Cc hope your new yoga class works out.

Bmw good luck for FET.

Lizzie congrats on getting through your coursework. 

AFM now on hols. Made it down to london. On train further south now. Forgot how stagnant the underground is. 

Went to a fostering info day at the weekend. Got some info to look through. Trying to work out next move.

Xxx

Xxx


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## Jaybo

Hi ladies!

Welcome to our little thread Nikki, although sorry you find yourself here. Sounds like you have been through a lot :hugs: Hope you get some answers soon.

Lizzie :hugs: I said it before on the other thread but its so nice to hear from you -although I understand how difficult it can be to read the updates on here sometimes. I cant remember if you said before but have you tried counselling? I struggled so much after my last failed cycle that Ive decided that I cant go through it again without speaking to someone (professional) about it. Im starting with the therapy at the clinic next week.

Comfy  I agree, youre very brave to return to the dreaded yoga class. Hope it goes well and all the super fertile ladies have found somewhere else to hang out!

Nobump  enjoy youre holidays! Im on the underground most days so I can vouch for how stagnant it is! Hope its more pleasant further south. Were due lots of sunshine this week so youve picked a good time to be away. Hope the info from the fostering day is helpful in figuring your next steps.

MrsW  I hope youre doing ok and just busy with the move. :hugs:

AFM  I start downregging again next weekend. I cant believe how quickly its come around. Im terrified, or excited, I dont know anymore!! :wacko:

Beneath not long for you now either. Keeping everything crossed that the changes to your protocol do the trick. :flower:


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## Comfycushions

The preggos had left the yoga class!:happydance: It was quite an intense class so didn't have time for my mind to wander back to that hideous session. Glad I went.

Nobump hope you have a brilliant holiday.

Bmw good luck with all those meds and your upcoming cycle.

Nikki, I've never tried the castor oil thingy but do have s bottle. It crossed my mind when I read your post to get DH to try it. I suspect he might not go for it though. Lizzie your post on that front made me chuckle!

Jaybo wow back on the downreg wagon next week. Good luck. 

Lizzie well done on doing your assignments and cooking a roast reward.

We've ordered some fertilsan m. Going to do an sa in 3 months and see if it's had any effect. I really, really hope so but not really expecting it to and trying to temper my hopes.


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## Nikki of NZ

No bump- it's a hard thing to know if it's making a difference but I'm finding it relaxing so that alone feels right and to think there's a possibility it could be helping puts my mind in a better place.
Good luck with your next move, wherever that may take you I wish you all the best!

Lizzy & Comfy- My DH has a low count although with ICSI it doesn't have an affect on our chances. I got him to try the castor oil once, he hasn't seemed keen to do it again. I can't imagine it would be very comfortable and have the same relaxing affect it does for me so I won't hold it against him, I may mention it and see what reaction I get haha

Looking forward to reading how you are all going - hopefully there will be positive things for everyone in the near future xx


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## lizzie78

Jaybo - Wow, next weekend! Are you feeling match fit? Got everything crossed for you that this is your turn! I did look into counselling but couldnt find any fertility counsellors near to where I live and the drive to my clinic would potentially negate any benefit. That said, it's still something on my mind, I might see whether I can find somewhere near work instead and hope it doesnt mean I sob my way home on the train afterwards.

nobump - hope you have a lovely holiday x

Comfy - glad the bumps had left the building and you had a good class :)

xxx


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## Jaybo

Not sure about match fit Lizzy but possibly ready for the subs bench! :haha:


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## lizzie78

:winkwink: Jaybo


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## optimistic13

Hey everyone please could I join you ... Got bfn yesterday (1st cycle) ... Feeling broken x x


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## Jaybo

Hi optimistic, I'm so sorry to hear your cycle didn't work :hugs: :hugs: Its just heartbreaking. I hope you are doing ok.

Feel free to rant away on this thread. We're here to support each other through the hard times. xx


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## optimistic13

Thank u jaybo :))

Really struggling to be ok.
Feel broken.
This infertility struggle is the hell....
I said to hubby yesterday....

I feel like a puzzle, but very everytime you put it back together it's missing pieces.

We are awaiting a follow appointment and can start cycle 2 on my next period.. (Not this bleed now).
It's good news but isn't what we wanted. :((


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## lizzie78

Hi Optimistic, just wanted to say hello, sorry you find yourself here but as Jaybo said feel free to rant away and get things off your chest if you need to. Are you doing another fresh cycle or a FET? xxx


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## optimistic13

Hi Lizzie.... Thank u it's rough isn't it. :(
It'll be a fresh cycle we unfortunately didn't have any frozen embies, we only had a 3, I had two transferred, the other wasn't progressing enough.

Another round of icsi :((


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## Jaybo

Optimistic, it really is tough and takes time to recover from a failed cycle. I know it's a bit cliche but I really wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

We only had three eggs and one embryo on our last cycle, so no frosties either. It is difficult to face the prospect of another full cycle, and it's not for everyone to keep putting themselves through treatment, but I'm starting to feel more positive about things now.

Hope everyone else is doing okay today :flower:


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## Comfycushions

Hi optimistic, so sorry you've had to come and join us but welcome. I can totally get the sense of feeling broken. It really is just awful. 

Afm I've just got back from a fun trip to Poland with a friend. Whilst I was there I had a passing thought that such trips would be much less likely if I had a baby. Got a real pang of sadness at thought of being child free but didn't well up-hoping that can become my predominant reaction to such thoughts as time goes by. Sure beats the sobbing/gasping for air/reaching for wine reaction.


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## optimistic13

Thank u all :))) means a lot 
Tough week...
Got follow up appointment 29/7 hopefully second cycle next period.
Mixed emotions.


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## Jaybo

Hi ladies, how is everyone?

Comfy, really glad you had a good holiday. Sounds wonderful. I'm very familiar with the sobbing/gasping feeling, not pleasant, so I'm happy to hear it's starting to feel a little bit easier. Yesterday I received an invite to my SIL's baby shower and I managed a (rather large) eye ball roll rather than having a complete meltdown. :ignore: Felt rather proud of myself! 

Optimistic, sorry to hear you've had a tough week. I hope you get some answers for your next cycle at your follow up appointment.

AFM I've been downregging for a week and a half now and hoping to start stims next week. I still have mixed feelings about it all but trying to stay positive.

Hope all the UK ladies are enjoying our mini heatwave! :icecream:


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## Mrs W 11

Welcome optimistic, sorry that you find yourself here but it's a supportive group! 

How is everyone doing? Loving the weather in the uk at the moment!! 

Loads going on with me, we've moved out of our house and we are due to complete on our new house in 3 weeks!! Can't wait!! Also finish my job in 4 weeks so having the summer with my dd and then in autumn need to think about work, maybe setting up my own business! Oh and I am due to start down regging this weekend!! See you at the top hat clinic jaybo!!!! 

Xx


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## Jaybo

Hey Mrs! wow sounds like you've been busy! Hope the move is going smoothly. That will be lovely to have the summer off to spend time with your family and get settled into your new place.

Good luck with starting downregging this weekend. Very exciting! :flow:


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## beneathmywing

Mrs, Yay for downregging!


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## Mrs W 11

Hmmm having read my pack I'm not down regging, duh, I'm just starting the pill!! So down regging in 2-3 weeks then right?! 

Where are you guys in your cycles or cycle plans? Xx


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## beneathmywing

Mrs W 11 said:


> Hmmm having read my pack I'm not down regging, duh, I'm just starting the pill!! So down regging in 2-3 weeks then right?!
> 
> Where are you guys in your cycles or cycle plans? Xx

Not sure how that works as I never down regged with my fresh cycles.

I will be taking my last bcp tonight! Started Lupron on Thursday. Next appt is Thursday and then I'll start estrace.


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## Jaybo

MrsW - I didn't take the pill this time but last time I took it for a full cycle before I started downregging last time. If in any doubt give the nurses at the clinic a call they're really lovely and always happy to help!

I've been downregging for just over two weeks now and about to start stimming. So, egg collection will hopefully be in a couple of weeks providing I respond okay to the medications [-o&lt;

How is everyone else doing? Sending virtual hugs all round :hugs:


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## Mrs W 11

Are you not doing long protocol this time then jaybo? I was told I had to take the pill first..... I can't believe that for 2 women of the same age with the same issue we are being treated so differently at the same clinic?! Bizarre!


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## Jaybo

I know Mrs I think it's bizarre too! :shrug: I am doing the long protocol just without the bcp so straight into downregging then stims. What stims/dose are you on this time?


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## Comfycushions

Hi everyone:flower:

Optimistic hope you're doing ok also that you get some answers and/or some closure on this past cycle at your upcoming wtf.:hugs:

Mrs W, wow you have been busy! How exciting moving into your new house and enjoying quality time with dd. Hoping for the best for you for this cycle.:hugs:

Jaybo hope stimming going well. Hoping all the very best for you too.:hugs:

BMW, all the best for you too!!: Hope your lining and hormones are behaving perfectly.:hugs:

Lizzie and Nobump I hope you're both doing good.:hugs:

Afm, not really sure how I'm doing:shrug: On one hand I think I'm steadily progressing towards childfree acceptance but there's still that part of me that wont let go of the fantasy of being one of those miracle (mythical?)women who stop trying and get preg. Just hoping if I keep on moving towards living a fulfilling life I'll focus less on what might have been and end up being ok. 
In none ttc news I have a 2nd interview in couple of weeks for a new job. It's working with disabled children. Really hoping I get it but also wondering if working with kids is the most stupid idea I've had lately, all things considered.:haha:

Lots of love to everyone (stalkers, posters etc)


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## Jaybo

Hi Comfy - hope you're doing ok. I think it's a long process coming to terms with infertility and unfortunately like the diagnosis and treatment itself is a roller coaster of emotions. You probably said already but I can't remember are you seeing a therapist?

Good luck with the job interview! It sounds like a fantastic job. I work with young families and I love it, although I'm not going to lie it is sometimes hard when you're trying to come to terms with everything, and I have thought about looking for something else because of it, but in the long-run I've found the rewards do outweigh the difficult moments. :flower:

Hope everyone else is ok. :hugs:


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## Comfycushions

Hi Jaybo, thanks for the interview well wishes. Had intended to be prepping for Monday but been suffering a killer af (grrr etc) so that's been getting in the way. Hopefully I'll be more focused tomorrow.
I was going to a therapist but she was meant to ring me quite a few weeks ago to arrange an appointment and I haven't felt inclined to chase it up myself. 

I'm thinking of selling my family-friendly car and buying a sports car. Not sure if that comes under 'coming to terms' or 'midlife crisis'! It would definitely help to stop dh buying junk off ebay if he can no longer borrow my car to collect it!
I'm also looking at rehoming some battery chickens. Love the thought of them pottering around my garden enjoying their retirement.

Although af caused the usual pang of 'what might have been' I'm doing ok and that's probably the best I can hope for at this point in my infertility experience.

Hope everyone else is doing ok too.
xx


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## nobump

Cc fingers crossed for your news. Hope you get the job. Sports car sounds fun.

Sorry not posted much. Holiday was fab. But past month has been tough. Gran has been in hospital and has now passed away and her funeral was last week. Service was lovely. Almost every time we visited in the past year she would ask when we were going to start a family. She never retained that it wasn't possible. It put me off visiting I just felt a failure. 

We have decided against fostering. Think we are coming to terms with a child free life. We are lucky to have nieces and nephews to spoil. 

Mrs W house the new house?

How's everyone else doing?


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## Comfycushions

Thanks nobump. I'm feeling super nervous now about interview! Please continue keeping your fingers crossed!

So sorry to hear about your aunt. I'm glad the funeral went well though.
i'm lucky in that none of our relatives have ever asked about us having a baby. I think they must wonder though.

I'm sorry you find yourself in the situation of getting your head round the idea of living child free. I'm planning to look again in next couple of months at the jody day book. I think some of the exercises in there will help but for now burying head in the sand seems to be an effective coping mechanism!


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