# My fast but traumatic labour - don't read if easily scared!



## Poppy Panda

So it's been 3 weeks since I went into labour so it's time to write up my birth story.

(WARNING - LONG!)

Thursday the 16th of feb, at 41+1, I was watching some TV and eating raisins in bed when I got up to go to the toilet, but as I got up I felt a small amount of wetness and thought 'oh great, I havn't made it' :dohh: I went to the loo anyway and on the way some more came out and I was thinking 'what the heck is going on' lol it never occured to me it was my waters at the time. Well when I wiped green stuff I thought 'ooooooooh' and realised it must be that I had meconium in my waters.
It was 11:40pm, I went downstairs and said to my mum 'well that ws wet'. She said 'what was?' and I said 'my waters' and calmly sat on the sofa as her face went into pure panic lol :haha:

I phoned labour and delivery and was told to come in 'but we will probably send you home as you aren't contracting' so I rang OH and told him I would keep him updated. We went into the hospital at about midnight (with my waters carrying on trickling out all the way there) and was asked by the midwives to see my waters. They confirmed meconium and said they would moniter baby for a while to make sure she was ok.

Mum text OH and he got there a little while later. All I wanted was to sit up in the bed as it was so uncomfy laying down but the moniter wasn't working when I sat up so they made me lay down which I was really annoyed about. I started contracting at about 12:30 and they were 90 seconds apart by 12:45 and about a minute in between. I was breathing through them and quite happy I was handling the pain so well. I told the midwife there about the contractions but was pretty much ignored.

She then said they were going to induce me. I didn't really understand why as baby was fine and I was contracting well. She broke my back waters and put me on syntocinin drip. I asked her if it would make the contractions more painful but she just brushed my question off. As soon as the drip was in it literally felt like the baby was hacking her way out of my body. I have a very high pain tolerance and am NEVER one to make a fuss, even if something hurts really bad but oh my god I have never even fathomed that someone could feel this much pain and not die.

From then on it was one long contraction with no breaks at all. It was continuous pain. I couldn't open my eyes, I couldn't think, I could barely breathe. They told me to use the gas and air so I tired but it made me feel sick. I told them that and the other midwife kept acting as if I was a liar and a complete drama queen. She eventually persuaded me to try it again so I took another puff and was immediately sick. They gave me pethadine which had no effect on me at all. They turned the drip up.

I begged for an epidural but they told me the anesthetist was in with a C-section and would be here soon. I knew then that no one was going to help me. None of the midwives believed how much pain I was in, I could see they clearly thought I was 'one of those women' who over-react or have a really low threshold for pain. I remember looking at my mum with what must have been the most pleading look on my face and knowing she couldn't help either. I have never heard noises like that come out of me, I was full on screaming.

A new voice said 'how dilated is she?' and someone replied 'I only just checked her, she was 5cm' The new voice said 'Examine her again' a silence for a while, then '10cm' Then in a weird moment of clarity and quiet in the room I heard someone say 'get the paed'

Suddenly the room was filled with people and a man appeared out of nowhere who I can only describe as 'Doctor Nick from the simpsons' if you know who that is ('Hi everybody!' 'Hi Doctor Nick!') He said I had to push so I did. I was trying so hard but the pain made it almost impossible to concentrate. Dr Nick made me feel like I wasn't trying hard enough. I felt like this would be my life forever from now on. Just pain and people not understanding me. I couldn't think of anything but the here and now, I didn't even think I was having a baby anymore, I was just dying. I really thought so.

Dr Nick said if I didn't push her out in the next push he was getting the forceps.

That was the last straw, I couldn't live like this anymore, I couldn't take even MORE intervention without any pain relief or supportive words so I pushed harder than I thought I even could, I held my breath and focused everything on pushing and not stopping until she was out. I got dizzy and my vision blacked at the edges and someone said 'I'm going to have to cut you' I found my voice and screamed 'DON'T CUT ME, DON'T CUT ME!' and she started trying to convince me but doctor nick looked at her like she was an idiot and said 'Well, don't cut her then'

Finally, just as he said that, she was born.

8lbs 5oz Dani was put on my chest at 6:17am, just 6 and a half hours after my waters broke, as they cut the cord, the placenta came out on its own and they gave me local anesthetic injections down there to stitch up my 3rd degree tear. I didn't feel any of it, I was too busy looking at her face, and compared to the drip, this pain was a feather tickle.

We stayed in for another night as she was jaundiced and had trouble regulating her temperature but went home the next day. I have been diagnosed with PTSD following the birth and still don't know if I can ever have more children because of the fear of it even though I want more children in the future more than anything :cry:

If I ever decide to try it again I will be saving for a private midwife and having a home water birth. I wanted a waterbirth this time but was high risk because of my bmi, next time they say I will be high risk because of my tear, but I would do it at home whether they like it or not.

Sorry for the length and the scariness. I wouldn't go back and not have her now that she's here :flower:

6 days old

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/wynterpale/6days.jpg

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/wynterpale/6days2.jpg

2 weeks

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/wynterpale/2weeks.jpg

3 weeks

https://img.photobucket.com/albums/v428/wynterpale/3weeks1day.jpg


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## swalumni

Great job mama! What a scary birth...I reacted similarily to my baby coming too, it was 4.5 hours from water breaking to delivery and I completely panicked when I started having to push. Either way, congrats and what a beautiful baby!


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## Boothh

Congratulations! Well done you, I can't believe you treated like that I would definitely make a complaint if you havnt already! I was so upset reading that you were just ignored xx


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## Biddylee

Congratulations!! Sounds like an awful birth. I have a 3rd degree tear too - you have my sympathies. Hope you are able to work through it all. I wish there was a bit more support out there for 2nd, 3rd and 4th degree tears. It's quite a big deal to have had such an injury to your body.


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## Poppy Panda

Thankyou everyone for the support, I have been referred for councelling for the post traumatic stress disorder. People just think 'Well I gave birth and I'm fine, what a baby' but everyone is different and their birth experiences were obviously different. Just wish people could see that =[


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## MonstHer

Oh my gosh, how awful for you.
Why do hospital staff treat women this way?
If they don't like their job they should get a different one!
Gerrrrrr I complain to patient advocacy or something!


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## 17thy

Sounds like a typical hospital birth to me :hugs2: I had a very similar birth with my daughter (except they did end up using a vacuum on her WITHOUT my consent) and this time I am basically going to tell anyone that has a problem with me giving birth at home or laboring in water to screw off. 

You have an absolutely stunning LO, so please try not to dwell on the bad birth. Congratulations :)


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## Octobermommy2

Congrats she is beautiful.!!!!! Im sure that once time passes and everything you will forget the meanness of the midwives and doctor and maybe next time find a different hospital.


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## Poppy Panda

Thankyou for the support ladies <3
It will definately be my way if I ever do it again


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## angelandbump

Congratulations xx


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## Raggydoll

Congratulations on your gorgeous girl. Sorry you had such a difficult time. I hope the counselling gives you the support you need. 

BTW, the last picture of your LO is just the cutest.


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## Poppy Panda

Raggydoll said:


> Congratulations on your gorgeous girl. Sorry you had such a difficult time. I hope the counselling gives you the support you need.
> 
> BTW, the last picture of your LO is just the cutest.

Thanks, she's a very smiley baby lol


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## Laughing Girl

What shocking treatment you received - I hope you are feeling ok now and that you are both over the birth trauma. Congratulations to you both too xx


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## kanga

Congratulations, she is truly beautiful :flower:

Did you have her at the JR? I had a similar (very!) experience there


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## Sarachka

Sounds like you were a real trooper and did an awesome job. Beautiful little baby girl


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## Poppy Panda

kanga said:


> Congratulations, she is truly beautiful :flower:
> 
> Did you have her at the JR? I had a similar (very!) experience there

John Radcliffe? No, I had her at Stoke Mandeville Hospital in aylesbury


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## Meredith2010

Sounds scarily familiar - I had LO at Stoke last May and they just would not believe I was in labour and kept trying to send me home. They refused any kind of pain relief whatsoever, even though my contractions were every 2 minutes lasting a minute and kept telling my hubby to take me home or take me out for a meal (this is whilst I was throwing up and crapping everywhere).

They only started taking me seriously when they realised I had gone from 2cm to fully dilated in a couple of hours and LO was born 12 minutes later. Total active labour time 1hr 56minutes.

I've got an appointment with the "birth reflections" team in a couple of weeks as I'm giving birth there again this time and refuse to go through the same thing again. The midwife I had was a total and utter BITCH! Totally lying about saying they weren't allowed to give pain relief whilst I was lying there feeling like I was being ripped wide open. Grrr, it makes me so angry just thinking about it.

So glad you got your lovely little baby out of it all though xxx


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## BabyBean14

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## Poppy Panda

Thankyou both =]
Meredith do you live in Oxford itself? Is stoke the closest hospital to there? Seems ages away or is that just me lol I was told to go to reflections but I turned it down. Just don't want to go back there at all


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## emilyjade

congratulations x


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## Nadialew

Congrats! Baby is so cute!


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## strdstkittenx

beautiful congrats!


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## Poppy Panda

Just an update: i have now been on a medium dose of sertraline for 6 months for the anxiety and panic attacks following the labour. I feel a lot better but its still early days. Just updating to let people know the doctor can help with your feelings about your labour with medicines or referring you to someone you can talk to - don't leave it as long as i did to get help dealing with your emotions!


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## BabyBean14

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## Bevziibubble

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby! I'm sorry to hear how traumatic the labour was :hugs:


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## Mummy2B21

congrats


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## Poppy Panda

Thanks =]


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