# How long were you out from work before you went back?



## TrinUC

I'm just wondering if you all took your full maternity leave and if not, how long did you stay out from work?

I know I will be out longer than 6 weeks, not just to heal physically, but emotionally as well. My job requires me to interact with postpartum women, pregnant women who are having complications and worsely, newborns :sad2:. All of that is far too painful for me, I barely want to drive by the hospital so I can't imagine walking in there and working..


----------



## mhazzab

Oh my goodness that will be so hard for you to go back there, make sure you take all the time you need and don't rush it.
Because one of my daughters was born alive I qualified for my full maternity leave, which was 20 weeks full pay, 19 weeks statutory pay ( not much!) and 13 weeks no pay. I took the 20 weeks and went back before my pay dropped.
I probably would have gone back sooner but my dad was dying (terminal cancer) and so I chose to spend the time with him.
Even though I had so much time off I was still very upset when I went back, and ended up taking an extra week.

Like I said, don't rush it take your time x


----------



## TrinUC

mhazzab said:


> Oh my goodness that will be so hard for you to go back there, make sure you take all the time you need and don't rush it.
> Because one of my daughters was born alive I qualified for my full maternity leave, which was 20 weeks full pay, 19 weeks statutory pay ( not much!) and 13 weeks no pay. I took the 20 weeks and went back before my pay dropped.
> I probably would have gone back sooner but my dad was dying (terminal cancer) and so I chose to spend the time with him.
> Even though I had so much time off I was still very upset when I went back, and ended up taking an extra week.
> 
> Like I said, don't rush it take your time x

Yes, it will be extremely hard. So far my OB has written an excuse for 4 weeks, but she said at my check-up we will talk and if I need longer she will make it 6 weeks or longer. My doctor is willing to write an excuse for as long as I need because she knows where I work and she knows a bit of my history. I'm using the paid time off hours that I was saving for my baby to get a pay check now. Childbirth also qualifies me for short-term disability.. so I should be getting that as soon as the doctor's office faxes over the physician statement.

When I signed up for my benefits at work my mom told me to sign up for the short-term disability and I laughed at her and told her I was 23 (at the time) so why in the world would I need that.. sooo grateful I listened to her.. guess mothers do know best! :lol:

I'm sorry again about your girls and I'm terribly sorry about your father as well.
It feels like when it rains, it pours.. :hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh God that's going to be so hard to work there, I'm so sorry honey. I didn't qualify for mat leave at all here, the system is different in NZ and I took 6 weeks off. I would have taken more if I had got paid leave though. My bosses were really good and drip fed through my sick days, then my holiday days a bit at a time so I had a small wage while I was off. It's also just a small family-run business and it would have been really hard on them covering my shifts so I felt I had to go back to relieve them. You take all the time you need, I'm glad you have understanding co-workers though, it will help when you do. xxx


----------



## TrinUC

Nikki_d72 said:


> Oh God that's going to be so hard to work there, I'm so sorry honey. I didn't qualify for mat leave at all here, the system is different in NZ and I took 6 weeks off. I would have taken more if I had got paid leave though. My bosses were really good and drip fed through my sick days, then my holiday days a bit at a time so I had a small wage while I was off. It's also just a small family-run business and it would have been really hard on them covering my shifts so I felt I had to go back to relieve them. You take all the time you need, I'm glad you have understanding co-workers though, it will help when you do. xxx

Thank you and yes, that is why I've said before that I am feeling a little bitter, because I see women there that are addicted to drugs or just don't care about their babies and there are so many of us who want babies and then these horrible things happens to us.
I started working there because my mom is a postpartum nurse there and I eventually planned on becoming a nurse too (my dad was also a nurse in labor & delivery before he came down with prostate cancer.) My co-workers are very understanding because they're not only my co-workers, but long-term family friends.. when I go to work it's like I have 20 moms because most of them know me from when I was in my _mother's_ womb, lol.


----------



## kiki04

I only got one week off :cry: The d&c was on a thursday and I stayed home the following next week and then had to go back :cry:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw Kiki, that sucked! I don't know how you dealt with that, you're one brave mama!


----------



## kiki04

It was not easy I can tell you that much :(


----------



## amotherslove

i have been away from work since the 27th of october (the day my MMC was discovered) and will be away from work until the 8th of january when i come back from holidays..<3 i hope the time you are taking off to heal does you well.. do try to get out of the house once and a while if you are not.. it's terrifying.. but getting over those hurdles will put you in a better place.


----------



## dnlfinker

I had D and E on Friday July 29th and 4 days later I was on my feet 
and working. My job does not require interaction with public , but still it was 
really hard. I felt like for 2 months since i lost my little girl , I didnt care about 
work , anybody or anything. I just came to work , sat at my desk and then 
left at the end of the day. Please take time to take care of youself and i would not
suggest going back anytime soon especially that you work with babies and pregnant women


----------



## KamIAm

Oh Sweetie!!! Please definately take as much time as you can before you return to YOUR work... Wheww... :nope: 

I took the entire 6 weeks but then once I went back I was still having problems and cut my hours back to part time... but eventually quit and picked up more classes, as I was also in college as well, so now I'm a full time student, mom...

After my Emma was taken from me, I felt like I was in a dark tunnel.... Like I just didn't have that drive or concern for my job or anything like that for that matter... I just didn't care.... Christmas Day will mark 9 months and I am just NOW catching glimpses of the REAL me again, and they are glimpses... What a life changing rollercoaster ride Hon'.... I wish to God you wasn't on this journey:cry:

I am terribly sorry and please take care of you....we'll always be here for ya!:hugs:


----------



## blav

I was off for just over 4 weeks and it was much needed. I have been back for a couple of weeks and I feel pretty good about it. The hardest part has been being away from OH so much (we work opposite schedules).


----------



## kiki04

I can't believe how much time you all got when I was back like 10 days after :cry:


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> I can't believe how much time you all got when I was back like 10 days after :cry:

yeah...maternity leave in the UK is usually pretty good...and because one of my daughters was alive, even just for a few minutes, I qualified for the full leave. My thinking was, if I qualified, why not take it? Well, plus I had other reasons to stay off too.

I can't imagine going back after 10 days, at that point you are still suffering the physical effects never mind emotional, that must have been so hard, you are a brave and strong lady. XX


----------



## kiki04

Well our maternity leave in Canada is one year :thumbup: I didnt qualify for that because you have to provide live birth forms in order to have mat leave... all I got was compassionate leave for one week :shrug:


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> Well our maternity leave in Canada is one year :thumbup: I didnt qualify for that because you have to provide live birth forms in order to have mat leave... all I got was compassionate leave for one week :shrug:

yes, I think it's the same here, I don't see how the fact that my daughter lived for ten minutes makes any difference, I would have been just as upset if they were both born sleeping, yet wouldn't have qualified for the leave. 
1 weeks compassionate leave is nowhere near enough for what you went through :hugs:


----------



## Donna_barnes

I had a stillbirth last Saturday at 25 weeks so entitled to full maternity leave if I want, which is good, but after 6 weeks doesn't pay much so will prob just take 3 months in total. Any longer I think would be too much for me, when my son is at school I only have my own thoughts for company, think will do me good at that point to get back to "normal" although as you all know, we will never be the same again xx


----------



## Hellylou

I was off for 4 weeks afterwards (having already been off for a week before also, as I was having complications in the lead up to the loss). It wasn't a maternity leave thing - they just said I should take as long as I needed, there was really no time limit or restriction on it at all. I just felt like I needed to be back there, as my colleagues are so lovely. But after being back for 4 weeks my emotions got the better of me at work and I ended up off another 2 weeks. I am back now and feeling much more able to cope.

I think everyone is different. I work with the public, and deal with a variety of quite harrowing personal issues, as an advisor, and I found it tough. I think your line of work would have kept me off a lot longer than I had, because that has to be just about the worst possible job role to be in after a loss such as ours. I really feel for you - take as long as they will allow, and even then only go back when you feel absolutely ready.:hugs:


----------



## OliveBay

I was off for about 7 weeks, then had 4 weeks of working part-time to ease me back in gently. There were definitely days when I questioned my decision to go back because it just felt so tiring and I knew I wasn't really functioning very well, but I just needed to be doing something and being at home on my own all day was driving me mad! I think if I'd stayed off much longer I wouldn't have wanted to go back at all and financially that isn't really an option for us. Now I'm quite enjoying being back, although there are still times I'm quite tired and overwhelmed by it all.
:hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Donna_barnes said:


> I had a stillbirth last Saturday at 25 weeks so entitled to full maternity leave if I want, which is good, but after 6 weeks doesn't pay much so will prob just take 3 months in total. Any longer I think would be too much for me, when my son is at school I only have my own thoughts for company, think will do me good at that point to get back to "normal" although as you all know, we will never be the same again xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, Donna. I hope we can help you in some small way, they are only words but it's all we have to give. xxx


----------



## SarahJane

I had just over 6 weeks off(may have been 7 ish). I nearly went back 2 weeks before but went to my doctor to get a phased return doctors note and he refused to send me back as he said I wasn't ready emotionally.

I am glad I took those last 2 weeks in hindsight.


----------



## Andypanda6570

I don't work , thank God. I could never go back 6 weeks later, I was a mess up until almost now I could have never worked :cry::cry::cry: I am so sorry you have to go back to that particular job, my heart breaks for you :cry::cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## waiting_game

I was put on limited duty for about 6 weeks post having Nesa. (Most of my job is constantly going to the range, the field, and a lot of no showers and such.) So everytime I would go into work, my CO Commander would immediately send me back home. Apparently, he was more sympathetic than anything, as his wife had just gone thru something similar (both him and her came to visit me in my 2.5 weeks long hospital stay prior to losing her) I ended up finally explaining that work would be my only escape from being in the house all day, but due to still healing, would not be able to go into the field. 
So it was a good month and a half of me trying to go back to work. My husband also got 3 weeks off after I got released from hospital. Luckily, our commands backed us up 1000%


----------



## TrinUC

Thank you all for replying. Yesterday we had the funeral and now I don't ever want to go back, Well, i actually don't want to do anything, not even get off the couch so it's probably just everything hitting me from yesterday..

Thank you all again.


----------



## Hellylou

TrinUC said:


> Thank you all for replying. Yesterday we had the funeral and now I don't ever want to go back, Well, i actually don't want to do anything, not even get off the couch so it's probably just everything hitting me from yesterday..
> 
> Thank you all again.

It's so soon for you, these coming days and weeks will be difficult. Try if you can to put work as far from your mind as possible - nothing is more important right now than you and your physical and emotional recovery. Take all the time you need, and do whatever you need to do to get through it. 

Big hugs :hugs:


----------



## TrinUC

Hellylou said:


> TrinUC said:
> 
> 
> Thank you all for replying. Yesterday we had the funeral and now I don't ever want to go back, Well, i actually don't want to do anything, not even get off the couch so it's probably just everything hitting me from yesterday..
> 
> Thank you all again.
> 
> It's so soon for you, these coming days and weeks will be difficult. Try if you can to put work as far from your mind as possible - nothing is more important right now than you and your physical and emotional recovery. Take all the time you need, and do whatever you need to do to get through it.
> 
> Big hugs :hugs:Click to expand...

Thank you again. :hugs:


----------

