# How young is too young to start trying?



## Ella

Hey everyone, just saw wishandhope's thread in WTT.. and decided that I wanted to get everyone's views on the other end of the spectrum! How young do you all think is _too_ young to start TTC? 

Obviously I'm sure we'll all agree under 16 is wrong.. But more along the lines of late teens? Early 20's?

Thoughts? :)
xx


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## Vickie

Just a polite reminder that the forum does not support under 18 TTC


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## XxkayleighxX

i fink it sud depand on the person and how long they have been 2gether for! but i fink 22, 23 onwards


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## sparkswillfly

It completely depends on the person. Im 22 almost 23 and I think now was the right time for me but at 18... definitely not. I was a knob... but then some 18 year olds are far more stable and would cope well. I think the strength of your relationship is the most important thing. It really tests you.... you should be with someone for quite a while before planning a baby just to be sure your relationship could cope. I think generally speaking over 21 because most 18 year olds arent mature enough.


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## Ella

I agree, Kayleigh.. I think that people are too quick to put a 'correct age' on important life decisions tbh.. I think that the situation is different for every couple :)
xx


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## Amygdala

I agree with you all that there's no "right age" for everyone. At the same time I think there's a few reasons to not start TTC too early in life. 

First: In your late teens and early twenties, you're still finding yourself. It might not feel like you are at the time but I think most people would agree that they were looking back. I think planning a child too early means you miss out on some great life experiences (such as travelling, uni, your dream career...). And what feels right to you at 19 might not be right for you at 35. That goes for partners as well, as people change so much between 15 and 25 and a lot of previously stable relationships break up in this time.

Second: I think it's absolutely essential that you can support yourself and your child. So I think you should have a steady job or preferably a degree or some training. Of course some people achieve this by the time they are 18 but I think usually it means waiting till your mid-twenties. I think if you're still dependant on anyone else, such as your parents or the state, then it's too early to TTC.

Third: Babies should grow up in stable families. Personally I wanted to be married before I start TTC but I don't think a marriage license automatically means that your relationship is stable (or the lack of one that it isn't). I just think you should be very very sure that you and your partner are fully and utterly commited. Of course a relationship can always break up but I think you should only bring a baby into a realtionship if you're as sure as you can be that it's going to last.

If I apply all these things to me, then it would have been too early for me to have kids before my mid-twenties (and I waited for those reasons, despite the old biological clock ticking away in my ears). But I think it's important to remember that some people have achieved all these things by say 22 while others may not have them into their 30s. So it's not about age but about getting your life in a place where it's ready to accomodate a child.


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## jen1604

I think under 16 is ALWAYS a bad idea.
If youre under 18 then its pretty much always a bad idea unless youre in *extremely* unusual circumstances.
But I think once youre over 18 as long as you know youre ready in every way and have done a lot of thinking its pretty much ok.
Ella,I havent see you around much lately!Glad to see you xx


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## x-amy-x

I had caitlyn at 19 and do not regret my decision at all. i'm 20 and pregnant with number two. Married and do not claim benefits. Now was a good time for us


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## AppleBlossom

I think under 18 is too young. 18+ I think is ok but would always encourage girls even at that age to wait. Mental age is more important than physical age sometimes


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## Aria

While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready. Every person chances a LOT between the late-teens and mid-20's, and it really is immaturity that blinds a person from being willing to learn from those older than them. When you were 14, you probably thought you were mature, but look at how much you've changed and how immature you now see that you really were. That was only a few short years ago.

As for over 22, I'm not going to automatically be all, "Yay! You'll be an awesome mom!" No. At this point, its about had the person thought it through? Is the relationship truly stable? Is there a plan to support the baby that is NOT tax dollars? Have the couple thought about things such as what happens if one loses a job or even dies? What is the reason for wanting a baby?

I fully expect someone to take offense, but I'm not going to lie and say, 'Oh, as soon as you turn 18, it's all good!" because that would be lying. I have seen far too many teen mothers (and I am the ONLY one in my ENTIRE family EVER to not be a teen mom among those who had kids - and only a couple didn't), and I've seen the reality of what they go through.

Having a baby is not a game, and being truly ready means more than just wanting one and having a job at the moment.


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## sparkswillfly

why are you so obsessed with tax money and tax payers?


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## Vickie

Aria said:


> While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready. Every person chances a LOT between the late-teens and mid-20's, and it really is immaturity that blinds a person from being willing to learn from those older than them. When you were 14, you probably thought you were mature, but look at how much you've changed and how immature you now see that you really were. That was only a few short years ago.
> 
> As for over 22, I'm not going to automatically be all, "Yay! You'll be an awesome mom!" No. At this point, its about had the person thought it through? Is the relationship truly stable? Is there a plan to support the baby that is NOT tax dollars? Have the couple thought about things such as what happens if one loses a job or even dies? What is the reason for wanting a baby?
> 
> I fully expect someone to take offense, but I'm not going to lie and say, 'Oh, as soon as you turn 18, it's all good!" because that would be lying. I have seen far too many teen mothers (and I am the ONLY one in my ENTIRE family EVER to not be a teen mom among those who had kids - and only a couple didn't), and I've seen the reality of what they go through.
> 
> Having a baby is not a game, and being truly ready means more than just wanting one and having a job at the moment.

:shock: You're right I do take offense. There are plenty of women on here under 22 who have babies and who are damn good mothers. I also have a niece who got pregnant at 17, no it wasn't easy, no it wasn't planned but it happened and she's dealt with it and been a wonderful mother to her (now 2) kids. 

Having a baby is hard at ANY age. I am 29 and it is hard. There are days that I've wondered whether or not I was really ready or not. It happens no matter what your age!

Honestly can you not find a nicer way to put things? This is not the first time concerns over your posts have been raised.


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## ~KACI~

Aria said:


> I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready. Every person chances a LOT between the late-teens and mid-20's, and it really is immaturity that blinds a person from being willing to learn from those older than them.

I'm sorry i totally disagree some 18 years old are more mature then others the same as 19, 20, 21 and 22. 
I totally depends on the person, I was 18 when i got pregnant with my son and 19 with my daughter, i am mature. I think i am mature because i have had 'life experiences' while i was still young which made me more mature before my time.


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## x_Rainbow_x

honestly? 21+ i started at 19 im now 21 and still waiting but in the years iv been trying iv realised iv missed out on alot of my life just trying, ill be nearly 23 by the time i have a baby * if all works* i have 6 months before i have treatment for fertility and i intend to live those 6 months to the full.. 

so i say 21 + is a good age if your ready to put any wild life on hold for a bit :)


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## polo_princess

Aria said:


> While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready.

I started TTC just after 19 because i knew of fertility problems ahead from medical problems when i was a teen. Low and behold i didnt conceive until i was 22 ... 

That statement is just tarring everyone with the same brush and i completley disagree. Whilst i dont support under 18's TTC there are always exceptions to the rule and you should stay open minded to that


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## Arcanegirl

We started when i was 18, 3 years later and 2 IUIs later and im where im at now at 22, im glad i didnt wait and i dont have any doubts at all that im too young.


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## princess_bump

i agree 100% with polo, i too don't encourage ttc 18 or under, i do think, 18+ it is completely down to the person, and the relationship they are in. i wasn't ready before i met james, when i was 20, but i think we were both ready long before we did, i was 22 in the nov, we started trying in the jan and lucky enough to conceive the sept, and that was with pcos and endo. anyhow, getting back to the original post, i too think it is down too the individual as like all babies, we're all different, and must be accepting, even if we don't necessary agree with there choices :) x


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## x_Rainbow_x

exactly if i didnt try at 19 i wouldnt no what i do now.. not everyone is ready at 18 but some are.. i thought i was.. i wasnt, but then again nobody is every really ready!


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## sparkswillfly

Tracie87 said:


> exactly if i didnt try at 19 i wouldnt no what i do now.. not everyone is ready at 18 but some are.. i thought i was.. i wasnt, *but then again nobody is every really ready!*

Thats true! I wasnt ready and I am young and skint but doesnt make me a bad mother. Meadow has everything she needs and more.


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## x_Rainbow_x

ofc it doesnt make u a bad mummy :) it makes you stronger not knowing the unknown :)


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## lozzy21

Aria yet again another post that makes you out to be a sour old moo

I think around 21 is a good age (but thats my personal oppinion) because you are young enough to have the energy needed and are still going to be young enough to enjoy your life when they kids are grown up and you have had some time in the adult world and have usualy got a job and some training. But maybe if i had round the right person years ago i may have said younger.


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## sparkswillfly

lozzy21 said:


> Aria yet again another post that makes you out to be a sour old moo

:rofl: well said


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## hopedance

i agree that nobody is ever really 'ready'. life isn't a rehearsal, nothing is ever going to be perfect, and i think that when you get pregnant, and have a child, you learn to be a parent. i think people become as mature as their life requires them to be, we learn from the situations we find ourselves in - age cannot measure that. 

just as an example of that, i am 22, have a degree (and a good job, but i plan to be mummy in october, so it doesn't really matter), we own our house, my husband has a permanent well paid job, we have been married since 2005, sounds perfect, no? i have found it SO hard to be pregnant, it is a long story as to _why_, but i was not by any means ready for this experience, a few times i have even contemplated having an abortion when i just didn't feel i could cope anymore. yet a friend of mine is just one week behind me in her pregnancy, she is 20, her relationship is not that stable, her job may not last beyond the next 3 months, and so on - but she has coped beautifully and i am totally in awe of her and know she will be _such_ a fantastic mother and will always make ends meet and pull things together for her child.


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## shortiecjx

Age is just a number.... I am 19 and pregnant with my first and ive had problems with people at work sayin "oh shes ONLY 19" but i am a lot more mature than most of the 30 odds there....

I work full time.. I intend on going back to work... Im in a stable relationship.. Im not married but what difference does that make??? So many people get divorced!! It doesnt make you mature and automatically ready for a baby if you get married...

People wind me up with their comments about you should be married or a certain age... Yer i agree with ttc after 18 but only because then its easier to do things....
People are always putting us young mums down but everyone knows we are just as good as you older ones...

Sorry im having a bit of a moan but ive had problems with this before...x


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## AppleBlossom

To be honest, there are a few of your posts now Aria, that have offended me. I in no way encourage under 18's TTC but there are a hell of a lot of teens, me included, that make fantastic mothers, better than a lot of people in their 30's. Age is just a number. It's unfair of you to just assume because we're young we will be unfit, immature mothers who scrape every available penny from tax payers via social welfare. Yes, I AM on benefits, without them, I would be completely screwed, I have nobody to look after Grace so I can't really go out and find work at the minute, never mind get a full time job (which by the way I fully intend to get as soon as I can) her dad has not long abandoned us leaving me to pick up all the pieces yet again... they might be a pain sometimes but the system in this country is excellent. There a people who choose to abuse it but they shouldn't give the rest of us a bad name. As for your posts I think they could be worded a little nicer


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## AP

I do agree that TTC should really be taking seriously - we spoke for about a year before we started. At 22 and 4 years down the line and now pregnant, the relationship has went mental. And I dont know why. But this could have happened at any age. i could land on my arse and sadly have to rely on benefits til I get back on my feet - I have worked since I left school at 16, non stop. i work now, but how the hell would I do that if I was alone??

Age is just a number. The relationship is the factor. So is money. i tell you, if we did not own the house outright I dont think TTC would have been an option, and we both earn plenty.


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## sparkswillfly

Chances are she wont come back to the thread and apologise or explain herself she didnt the last times she said horrible things.


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## lozzy21

Like i said shes a sour old moo and thats putting it politly


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## AppleBlossom

sparkswillfly said:


> Chances are she wont come back to the thread and apologise or explain herself she didnt the last times she said horrible things.

I'd noticed that :shrug: I suppose she is entitled to her opinion but the way she words things aren't the best. This isn't the first post I've been offended by what she's said and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last


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## MummyToAmberx

I dont know tbh.
Theres pros and cons to every age. 
If your happy, and doing great job, it doesnt really matter.


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## susan_1981

I think it varies from person to person. For me personally, I have only recently felt ready to start a family. I'm 27. I've probably been ready since I was 25 and got married but, because of money, we decided to wait a bit before trying. I also didn't want to get tied down too early as I wanted to enjoy being young and free with no ties. Like going on holiday, going out and enjoying myself. I couldn't have done half the stuff I've done if I'd already have had a child. On the other hand, my mum got married at 18 and had my sister at 19 and my brother at 21. She then had me and my brother 10 years later with my dad (my older brother and sister are from my mum's first marriage). She was more than ready to settle down but I know at 18, having a baby was the last thing on my mind and I knew that it wouldn't be happening for me for a long while.

But everyone is different and I think it depends on when you find the right guy. But then, saying that, I met my husband when I was 19 and it took us a good 7 years before we even started talking about TTC.


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## Princess baby

I don't think age matters, it depends on the people and if they think they are ready.
I wouldn't advise under 18s to ttc but saying that, there are some wonderful mums which are under 18.
x


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## nikky0907

I wouldn't support anyone under 18 really (sorry guys :blush:), in my country at 18 you are still in high school and without your diploma or GED you can barely get a job in Mcdonalds. 

Honestly I can't put a number on someone's mental and physical maturity, plus financial stability... each person is an individual in their own situation.


As for you Aria... you aren't looking to make any friends on this forum do you?
I am pretty offended at your post, if not just for myself than for the handful of girls I've met on this forum who are absolutely brilliant moms.
I'm 19(unlike you the first one in my family to get pregnant so young) and I hope no one will think I'm tooting my own horn here but I am a great mom and my mental stability is fine, thank you very much!

Yes, it's hard work. You'll find out soon enough that motherhood is damn hard and not even your age will save you.


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## Pyrrhic

I think TTC under 18 is wrong. That is not to say I don't support teen Mums, I just don't think TTC under 18 is advisable.


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## AppleBlossom

nikky0907 said:


> I wouldn't support anyone under 18 really (sorry guys :blush:), in my country at 18 you are still in high school and without your diploma or GED you can barely get a job in Mcdonalds.
> 
> Honestly I can't put a number on someone's mental and physical maturity, plus financial stability... each person is an individual in their own situation.
> 
> 
> As for you Aria... you aren't looking to make any friends on this forum do you?
> I am pretty offended at your post, if not just for myself than for the handful of girls I've met on this forum who are absolutely brilliant moms.
> I'm 19(unlike you the first one in my family to get pregnant so young) *and I hope no one will think I'm tooting my own horn here but I am a great mom and my mental stability is fine, thank you very much!*
> Yes, it's hard work. You'll find out soon enough that motherhood is damn hard and not even your age will save you.

I completely agree Amy, at 19 I am a fantastic mother and I know that because my baby loves me and I love her and I do everything right by her even though I've gone through rubbish times and am now bringing her up on my own. I could quite easily stick her in my mums all the time and go out drinking with my mates (like someone I could mention) but I don't, she will always be my number one priority, even when she's 35 and got kids of her own. I know of a lot of older mums who don't do half a good a job as I do in bringing their kids up as I do.


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## x-amy-x

knew i shouldn't have come back to this thread. Gets right on my wick that someone thinks they can determine the age at which I am most mature. I am upset and offended. My own stupid fault for coming back to this thread mind.


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## Mrs G

I agree with nikky, I don't think age should be the deciding factor on whether you should have a baby. 

I'm a teacher and in the area where I work, having a baby young is the norm and is seen as a "quick and easy" (lol!) way to get benefits and housing. I think whatever age you are, you should ideally be in a position to support yourself and the baby. There is family near here who have 13 children and they openly admit they make more on benefits than they ever would working.


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## sparkswillfly

x-amy-x said:


> knew i shouldn't have come back to this thread. Gets right on my wick that someone thinks they can determine the age at which I am most mature. I am upset and offended. My own stupid fault for coming back to this thread mind.

Dont worry about it amy its just one miserable old woman who likes to look down her nose at everyone. Especially those who dont pay taxes.....


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## AppleBlossom

Mrs G said:


> I agree with nikky, I don't think age should be the deciding factor on whether you should have a baby.
> 
> I'm a teacher and in the area where I work, having a baby young is the norm and is seen as a "quick and easy" (lol!) way to get benefits and housing. I think whatever age you are, you should ideally be in a position to support yourself and the baby. *There is family near here who have 13 children and they openly admit they make more on benefits than they ever would working.*

And it's people like that that give the rest of us a bad name. If Grace hadn't have come along without being planned I would certainly have waited until I was financially secure. But things happen and change your plans. Doesn't make me any less of a mother


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## x-amy-x

Well had she know, i've paid my taxes since i left school at 16. So NOW am i mature enough to be a good mother to my children? Spoiled my evening, i'm going to bed. Fed up of being judged. Get a grip and accept that people aren't all living the same old lives. Back in the day it was NORMAL to have children very young!


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## Pyrrhic

Amy, don't worry hun. I wouldn't have thought anyone would see an issue with someone who is married, and in a stable home and 20 having kids.


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## mikababy

You know, since being on here I have had a big change of heart about younger Mums. :thumbup: There are good younger mums and bad ones, just as there as some pretty crap _older _mothers and of course some fabulous ones too. 

I wanted children in my early twenties and probably would have had them if my long term relationship had worked out, but it didn't, and lo and behold here I am at 30 and WTT!

At any age there are pros and cons and I really think that as long as you are in a long term, stable (there's that word again!) relationship and able to support your child both financially and emotionally then that should be your biggest consideration. 

Most of my friends that have children are married and in their early thirties and to be quite honest, from what they tell me, *NOTHING can prepare you for parenthood!!* :wacko:

(although I still think that 18/19 is a tad young though (_sorry_!) but I guess with a really good family support network it can be done - after all, in other countries that's the norm!).


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## AppleBlossom

x-amy-x said:


> Well had she know, i've paid my taxes since i left school at 16. So NOW am i mature enough to be a good mother to my children? Spoiled my evening, i'm going to bed. Fed up of being judged. Get a grip and accept that people aren't all living the same old lives. Back in the day it was NORMAL to have children very young!

:hugs: couldn't agree more hun x


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## mikababy

> You'll find out soon enough that motherhood is damn hard and not even your age will save you.

_Exactly_. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it!


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## Mrs G

bexy_22 said:


> Mrs G said:
> 
> 
> I agree with nikky, I don't think age should be the deciding factor on whether you should have a baby.
> 
> I'm a teacher and in the area where I work, having a baby young is the norm and is seen as a "quick and easy" (lol!) way to get benefits and housing. I think whatever age you are, you should ideally be in a position to support yourself and the baby. *There is family near here who have 13 children and they openly admit they make more on benefits than they ever would working.*
> 
> And it's people like that that give the rest of us a bad name. If Grace hadn't have come along without being planned I would certainly have waited until I was financially secure. But things happen and change your plans. Doesn't make me any less of a motherClick to expand...

I completely agree. There is never an ideal time to have a baby and I think that in many ways those of you who have your babies younger have more challenges to face than those of us who, for whatever reason, have waited. I would never have had the guts to have a baby young, it still scares the crap out of me now! Like you said, I think young mum's get a bad press from the few who do take the p*ss out of the system.


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## Alexas Mommy

polo_princess said:


> Aria said:
> 
> 
> While there's no number that would automatically mean readiness (just like being 18 doesn't automatically make one an adult in mind, though too many kids who are 18 are offended if you don't think of them as mature adults), I absolutely would not support anyone under 22 trying to have a baby. I don't care that almost everyone under the sun who is 18, 19, 20, thinks they're soooo mature and ready.
> 
> 
> I started TTC just after 19 because i knew of fertility problems ahead from medical problems when i was a teen. Low and behold i didnt conceive until i was 22 ...
> 
> That statement is just tarring everyone with the same brush and i completley disagree. Whilst i dont support under 18's TTC there are always exceptions to the rule and you should stay open minded to thatClick to expand...

I agree Polo.

Aria, it seems like you always say things like "oh you _think_ you are more mature than everyone your age, but really your not-I think you are basing your own experiences on what you think everyone else is like-Everyone is different. I started ttc when I was 19, got pregnant at 19 and had Alexa at 20. Everyone around me knows I am more mature than most people my age-Michael and I didn't even start ttc until we talked it out with his parents to make sure it was the right decision-his parents will be the first people to say I am more mature than most people my age, and they never class me with anyone in my age group-like I said everyone is different, and no one knows what they are like, and capable of, except themselves and their family and friends (to an extent). It just seems like you have a lot of opinions, that you can't even back up with your own experience-like you didn't have a child young-you say you have friends and seen what they went through raising kids young-well that may be true, and I do not know your friends, but I am almost positive that those same friends will say that all the good things about having their LO in their lives overrides the bad things. I am not going to say about how a bad mother can be any age, and a good mother can be any age, because we all know that already, but one should not be judged based on their decisions that they have made-after reading some pages of your blog, I would think that you, would understand that!
As for your many references to tax money and people on assistance, Aria, I have no idea why you are so ignorant towards that topic! Obviously you have never had to be on social assistance before, so you have no idea what it's like. I, myself, have never had to go on assistance, thankfully, and hopefully never will *knock on wood* but there are people out there who need it, and that does not make them bad people, or bad parents at all. Life changes, and even with the most stable job, these days, that stability is not even guarenteed. I pay taxes, you pay taxes, everyone pays taxes-as far as I am concerned, I don't care where the taxes go, the same gets taken out of our income regardless how many people live on assistance, or don't live on assistance. Yes, we all know a couple of people who scrounge of benefits because they are lazy asses who think they shouldn't have to work, and have no intention of ever looking for work, but I don't think most people are like that. You do what you have to do to get by in this world, and if it isn't hurting someone else, then why is that anyone elses business?

Anyway, I think that is all I have to say for now, sorry if I have offended anyone with this reply, that was not my intention, I merely had an opinion that I had to get out. :hugs:


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## lozzy21

I also think that teenagers in the US that are 18/19 are a few years behind the 18/19yrolds in the uk,(sorry if i have affended anyone). 
In the us they dont start propper school till 7, cant leave till 18 and then cant drink intill your 21.
In the uk you start school at 5, leave at 16 and can drink at 18. So by the time your 21 you have had 3 years of going out and partying and if your anthing like me, are bored of it, dont get me wrong i still enjoy the odd night out but i couldent go out 3 night a week like i did when i was younger, infact i started going out at 15:blush:.

I also noticed that in the how old is to old post, if you read it ,she has had to go one better with everything iv said, not im not saying that those things havent happend to her but it dose look a bit petty


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## AutumnRose

We will be TTC when im 18 nearly 19 and honestly life experiences through school bullying everything have made me a stronger person and i now think differently to how i thought even 2/3 years ago.
I know i will be a good parent regardless of my age because i have thought it through and its something i want to do after getting a full time job.
There are alot of young mums on here that do an amazing job yet there are some in their 30s that dont do a very good job. Age has nothing to do with it.


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## coccyx

Now, someone very old here,42. 
I would never encourage anyone under 18 to ttc. I think from then onwards is ok. Its hard work financially, physically, mentally whatever your age and the more stable you are in your relationship the better.
Some of the younger Mums on here seem to be doing a wonderful job and think Aria should avoid tarring everyone with the same brush. You can be a crap mum at 18 as well as you can at 38.


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## Alexas Mommy

lozzy21 said:


> I also think that teenagers in the US that are 18/19 are a few years behind the 18/19yrolds in the uk,(sorry if i have affended anyone).
> In the us they dont start propper school till 7, cant leave till 18 and then cant drink intill your 21.
> In the uk you start school at 5, leave at 16 and can drink at 18. So by the time your 21 you have had 3 years of going out and partying and if your anthing like me, are bored of it, dont get me wrong i still enjoy the odd night out but i couldent go out 3 night a week like i did when i was younger, infact i started going out at 15:blush:.
> 
> I also noticed that in the how old is to old post, if you read it ,she has had to go one better with everything iv said, not im not saying that those things havent happend to her but it dose look a bit petty



Lozzy, I think you are misguided with your information about the age that children start school in the states, because I am pretty sure they are the same as Canadian's and start school at the age of 4-5 depending on the month they were born-yes, we do not graduate usually until we are 17-18-19, but I can tell you that just because North Americans are still in school at that age certainly does not mean they do not go out party, and live a little, because they certainly do! I don't know how the highschool aged teens are in your area, but in North America, high school parties, and organized international trips, are very common. I have no idea why in North America we graduate a few years later than you, perhaps you guys have shorter school years or less years to complete school, but I can say positively, that just because we are older when we graduate, it doesnt make us "behind" you guys, in the UK.


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## Vickie

yeah I started kindergarten at age 5 (grew up in Texas) and graduated at 18


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## nikky0907

Kari's right... I graduated at 17 actually ( in June, my 18th birthday was in July) but I asure you I definitely 'lived it up'.


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## polo_princess

I think between the ages of 4/5 and 18 we all do the same things, just a different way around


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## x-amy-x

I dont think lozzy meant to write it like she did! She just means we're done with school at 16 and most of us hit the booze early. But this is just a stereotyping of us and teens in the US. She doesnt mean to offend. 

xx


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## clairebear

i think when planning a baby age isnt the main factor (obivously if ur still in education its not wise to plan a baby) its mauturity and fiancial sitiuation X


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## clairebear

i should read a whole thread before posting!

Aria your commment was very rude and uncalled for a lot of us on here under 22 are good mothers who are in secure relationships the same as any of the older mothers. i have bee with my partner for nearly 7 years! You really need to think how u word things as ur beginning to annoy a lot of people!!!!!


----------



## Vickie

x-amy-x said:


> I dont think lozzy meant to write it like she did! She just means we're done with school at 16 and most of us hit the booze early. But this is just a stereotyping of us and teens in the US. She doesnt mean to offend.
> 
> xx

I wasn't offended but was confused at starting proper school at 7, because we do start around the age of 5. So was just trying to clarify because I was a little confused :lol:


----------



## Alexas Mommy

Vickie said:


> x-amy-x said:
> 
> 
> I dont think lozzy meant to write it like she did! She just means we're done with school at 16 and most of us hit the booze early. But this is just a stereotyping of us and teens in the US. She doesnt mean to offend.
> 
> xx
> 
> I wasn't offended but was confused at starting proper school at 7, because we do start around the age of 5. So was just trying to clarify because I was a little confused :lol:Click to expand...

same here-wasn't offended at all, just thought I would correct her :)


----------



## Tasha

Well I agree with pretty much everyone here, it is pretty much about you, your partner, and your circumstances (although I too wouldnt promote TTC for the under 18's).

There is no perfect time to be come a parent, just like most things in life, thing usually dont pan out the way we hope so how can there be? I got pregnant with my first child when I was 18, he was born shortly before my 19th (I was working until he was born), a few weeks later he got meningitis (he made a full recovery) and although me and his Daddy were already engaged it made us realise that we wanted to get married now, so just six weeks later we did just that. When Morgan was just 15 months old his little sister was born (I was 20), then we got pregnant again and when Morgan had just turned three and Naomi-Mae 22 months Honey was born sleeping, we TTC straight away and 4 days before Honey's first birthday (Morgan had just turned 4 and Naomi-Mae 2 months off being 3) there little sister Kaysie was born. So now I am only 23 with 4 children, I was a young mum, and we as a family have been through SO much, but the proof is in the pudding, me and Matt are still going strong, all of my l/c are bright, healthy individuals, but more than, my children are happy, loved and happy considering what the older two have been through, I think that shows young Mum's can do fine, more than fine. 

SO to the people slating young mum's its all bullshit, I am a young mum and PROUD!!!


----------



## Tasha

And sorry for the rant, just got a bit cross there :blush:


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## Alexas Mommy

Tasha said:


> And sorry for the rant, just got a bit cross there :blush:

:hugs: we all do now and then when we read/hear ignorant peoples judgements and opinions. :hug:


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## CamoQueen

I'd say under 18, you should never be TTC. Over that, I can't really say, because people vary so widely in their maturity levels. I've known 18 and 19 year olds that go out and get shit-faced every night, and ones who work really hard to put themselves through college. I think I would have to take a person and look at them one-on-one before I could say, "You're too young to be TTC". And even then, I could be wrong. People can surprise you.


----------



## AP

> Yes, we all know a couple of people who scrounge of benefits because they are lazy asses who think they shouldn't have to work, and have no intention of ever looking for work, but I don't think most people are like that.

 It's a shame, because i can get very bitter about this still. i was very narrow minded about younger people TTC , purely because EVERY young person i know has got pregnant on the intention of not ever working, and just to get a council house or trap their boyfriend. I'm not kidding you, there are way too many people out there that do that.

I had trouble concieving and keeping my lil ones so it was eay for me to be bitter towards some people. I know, its nasty, i feel awful for it, but emotions got in my way sometimes.

After joining BabyAndBump I have become much more open minded and appreciate hearing others stories which just arent quite like the above. I was quick to judge every one like that, and tar everyone with the same brush. I was wrong. But I didnt bring those judgements to this forum!!
I agree that a few members seem to be very harsh and critical.


----------



## AP

x-amy-x said:


> knew i shouldn't have come back to this thread. Gets right on my wick that someone thinks they can determine the age at which I am most mature. I am upset and offended. My own stupid fault for coming back to this thread mind.

No its not, and you are totally within your right. now get your ass back here lil lady!!! I didnt quite relise someone had gripes with people under 22 TTC. To me, that just seems like the normal age?.xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## x-amy-x

Ah... well. I haven't actually replied with my opinion on the opening question. I think 18+ is a good age as any to TTC given your personal circumstances ie, own home, job, secure relationship. Baring in mind that some 30+ year olds do not have those things. Age is just a number but i think that under 18 IS still very young and there's things you haven't likely sorted out yet. For example, money or housing. 

On the other hand, i am in no way, shape or form, saying that under 18s can't make good parents. Stuff happens and the majority of us would make the best of a hard situation. :hugs: to all us young mums who get judged by so so many just because of our age!

I had a collegue at work the other day tell me there was no way i was old enough to be a mum, i'm still only a bairn myself. I dont think she realised just how offending her words were. I AM a mum and i DO have a daughter. And god, she's one of the best things that's ever happened to me and I do NOT regret her one teeny weeny bit :cloud9: for my princess


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## sparkswillfly

Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...


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## lozzy21

sparkswillfly said:


> Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...

Because she dosent see/care that her oppinions are closed minded so she dosent think she had anything to appologise for.

If i think the commet im about to put could cause offence i allways appologise before iv even said it.


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## AppleBlossom

sparkswillfly said:


> Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...

:shrug: she obviously doesn't think that her posts offend and/or she isn't bothered


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## Alexas Mommy

bexy_22 said:


> sparkswillfly said:
> 
> 
> Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...
> 
> :shrug: she obviously doesn't think that her posts offend and/or she isn't botheredClick to expand...

From what I gather, she thinks she is simply "telling the truth" but to be honest, I don't think she knows how to tell the truth, without offending, and when she *thinks* she is only telling the truth, most of the time she is actually stating an opinion based on her ignorance, and lack of experience in certain areas of life. I don't mean that to be rude, it is just something I have noticed with her posts. Just ignore it, because she obviously is not going to change, or apologize, and honestly, why bother getting bent out of shape over someone who disrespects you due to any life experience right? It's annoying but what can we do.
:hugs: to everyone she has offended.


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## tasha41

I don't think there's an absolute right age but I tell my friends not to try to have babies until they're like 24.. and that's the age I want to be when I have my next baby I think. 

Everyone's different, but if I had my first at that age rather than 19, I'd be done college, I'd be working (hopefully) full time and have nice benefits, I'd be more likely to be married, have experienced things I haven't and might not get to now (certain vacations, partying in some regards, maybe some more dating, who knows).. I'd be moved out on my own, etc. The main thing I regret is not 'enjoying' my time, pre-pregnancy, with my OH enough.. I wish I got to hog him all to myself a little longer and that we had more time to fall in love and do couple stuff before complicating things with a baby.

Don't get me wrong, I looooooooooove Elyse so, so, so much, and I grew up pretty damn fast and I've matured a lot from the girl I was before I found out I was pregnant, but I feel like I could have been more prepared. I would have liked to have been more independent first.. I still have a lot of growing up to do. 

It's hard as hell to deal with being a new mom for the first time at any age but I think it's tougher when you're young. My dad put me down a lot while I was pregnant so it's harder for me to ask for help now, I feel like I have to prove to him that I can do it. And I can.. but I do need help sometimes, and I know I should be able to ask for it rather than sit around hoping someone will offer it. And I think that speaks of my maturity level a bit; I know that because of the way things are with my dad, because we butt heads (it's not TOTALLY his fault but I'll say it mainly is his lol) that I need to grow up, because it's juvenile behaviour.

I don't know if I worry about how my hair looks, and I put on make up before I go out and worry about looking nice in terms of clothing and because I hate the way my body looks and I obsess over whether or not I look fat or if my shirt shows my bandages and hate my stretch marks because of my AGE or if it's just every mom.. 

I know I rambled quite a bit but there you go, reasons I say 24ish is a good age to start!


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## x_Rainbow_x

Aria correct me if im wrong but youv been trying 10 years but u said somewhere u was pregnant at 18.. i no you had a m/c but that makes u pregnant as a teen so dont you think your being a bit of a hypocrit?


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## Pyrrhic

Tracie87 said:


> Aria correct me if im wrong but youv been trying 10 years but u said somewhere u was pregnant at 18.. i no you had a m/c but that makes u pregnant as a teen so dont you think your being a bit of a hypocrit?

Agree. How can you say women shouldn't be parents or TTC until they are 22, but you were a parent yourself at 18.


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## AppleBlossom

Doubt she'll be back Trace...


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## AppleBlossom

Also she even says that over 22's TTC she wouldn't particulaly support. So who does she support?


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## x_Rainbow_x

o well if she does she can read it.. everyone is diffrent and shes stuck everyone in the same boat and tarshined everyone that chose 2 TTC at 18 + or fell pregnant as a teen. i defo didnt plan 2 get preg at 18 but i did and it made me realise i wanted a baby but 3 yrs on and all my probelms i realised the *I* wasnt ready.. she was obviously ready to as she has been TTC 10 years..


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## AppleBlossom

Someone direct her to this thread! lol


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## WTTMommy

Damn. I just read a bunch of uneducated guesses in this thread. Opinions are one thing, we're all entitled to them, but please don't play off your opinion as if it's a fact.


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## laurasmith7

Hey all just thought i would add to this. I am 19 and am absolutely desperate 4 a baby however i know in my mind that i am too young.i have a very stable relationship with my partner who has a gd job however I only have 1 year to go untill i hav my degree. I have decided that waiting a few years untill i am settled is definetely the right decision 4 me even though i want a baby so bad. My time will come when its right gd luck every1!


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## EstelSeren

I'm in a strong, stable relationship, am graduating uni this summer and am getting married in a year's time. I'm 21 in June and so, provided both my partner and myself are earning, 21 or 22 will be a good time for me to start trying as we have agreed to wait until after we're married. But this is just my personal situation.

It goes without saying that there are good and bad mothers at all ages and therefore age as a way of judging readiness is rather hit and miss. 

I would definitely say that you should finish compulsorary education before trying (although this doesn't necessarily hold true in the UK where compulsorary education ends at 16, which I agree is too young to be actively trying). There's a difference between falling pregnant and actively trying and, whilst under 18s can make excellent mothers, I don't like the idea of under 18s actively trying to have children. Tbh though, I think this probably comes from knowing that there is no way that I was ready then, even though it wasn't that long ago, and regardless of how unjudgemental we endeavour to be we are probably all guilty of judging based on our own experiences as this is what we are familiar with.

Ok, I've waffled on a bit there!! Short version: under 18- actively ttc not advisable, over 18: ttc is at your own descresion as only you and your partner know your circumstances and legally it's not for us to judge after this age really!

I'm not sure if I've said anything that might be offensive here but, as I know that it can be a touchy subject, I am truely sorry if I have.

Beca :wave:
P.S.
Re: Aria's posts. After reading her comments on the how old is too old thread I think I've actually stopped properly reading her posts as I'm not interested in opinions like that, especially phrased in that way. :hug: to all those offended by her post.


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## MoonMuffin

bexy_22 said:


> I completely agree Amy, at 19 I am a fantastic mother and I know that because my baby loves me and I love her and I do everything right by her even though I've gone through rubbish times and am now bringing her up on my own. I could quite easily stick her in my mums all the time and go out drinking with my mates (like someone I could mention) but I don't, she will always be my number one priority, even when she's 35 and got kids of her own. I know of a lot of older mums who don't do half a good a job as I do in bringing their kids up as I do.


I'm 19 too, and though Kathryn was a surprise she is such a joy. I know me and DH are doing an amazing job because Kathryn is such a happy girl. When I go out so many of the other babies are quiet and just kind of sit there and stare (even older babies), but Kathryn is so alert and is smiling at people and babbling happily . And even when she's at home she's always in a good mood. She's the happiest baby I've ever seen, I must be doing something right. 

and I do think that TTC under 18 is too young, but if you fall pg it doesn't aromatically make you a bad mom if your young. You should wait to TTC until you are ready, weather that be 18 or 45 years old, it's your life so you should do what makes you happy otherwise you will regret it.


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## AP

I'm sure shes got another username now......


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## Ella

Wow, loads of replies since I've last been on!! :D

Why am I not surprised that Aria had to throw in her two cents and offend pretty much everyone, even those that aren't 18/19/20, purely due to the rude way in which she puts her opinion across.

I'm hoping to start TTC when I'm 19/20 and that's a personal choice, not a stab at getting a council flat and living off the taxpayers money.
xx


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## Wewantourmush

*I think its perfectly fine. I am 18, nearly 19 with a great job in nursing at hospital. My partner is 20 and he is in a full time job with good pay. We have been together for 3 and a half years and have a flat together. We have waited until we feel ready and are financially stable and now is that time. Because we are young doesn't mean we won't make good parents. yes it might be hard but we are strong and are willing to have a little one. 

I got pregnant at 15 when i first met my partner i am with now which is far to young and we both knew that. We were young and stupid. Unfortunately I misscarried at 3 months. Worst thing in my life. We always think about our angel and always will but it makes us look forward to trying now because one day, hopefully soon, we will have a gorgeous baby. *

If anyone has had similar experiences please private mail me?


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## YoungMummy x

I know this forum doesnt support under 18's TTC x But I am under 18 by 3 years and I have two children x ( twins ) 

Yes, thats wrong, and I am dissapointed in myself, but i dont need to here from everyone here how wrong it is ! I know myself !!x :) x 

The point is, I had my babies 7 weeks ago now, I love them with all my heart and i find being a mother a challenge but I love it x! 

I start a school for young mums in 2 months x My twins have everything they need and more x My ex boyfriend the babies father comes round for regular visits 3-4 times a week, he pays me £300 a month and helped me out with furniture since i need two of everything x! 

Emily and Luca are my lifee and I love them millions x They come first, I am a good Mum, even my Mum who was dissapointed and furious as hell when i told her says she is immensley proud of me and that i am a fantastic mum !x :D x I always wanted to be a young mum but i didnt think this young but i am, i dont regret a thing, i am a bit dissapointed in myself but that feeling has left me now all that matters is emily and luca x 

Im lucky, they have slept through the night ever since they were brought home, they have gotten up 5 times during the night in the whole 7 weeks they have been alive, if one wakes so does the other but i dont care, its all part of being a mum, my mum takes them 3 times a month so i can go out, but i dont get drunk i go to the cinema or a party and mabye have 2 drinks at the most !x 

The point is, I love being a young mum, yes im too young but who cares, i love my children more than anything and there is no "right time" its whatever suits you !!


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## plutosblue

Hey there, I agree with mostly everyone elses comments on here.

Everyone ages mentally and physically at different rates. Therefore there is never any correct age to try in my own personal opinion. One of my friends had her first at 18, yet my auntie only just had her first at 40. Both completely different ages, but to them it was right, and for both, its been hard, its been challenging but both are fantastic mothers that I could never fault. I will be trying for my first next year and I will be 22. For myself, any earlier than this and I would have been underprepared, financially and emotionally. I won't be married, but a ring and a certificate is not going to make much difference to my relationship at all, we may get married in future, something small, and if we have children at this time we would make it a family event, our child being a little bridesmaid etc. :blush:

Anyway I ramble..


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## toffee87

It's about being mature both emotionally and financially. I'm not saying to be rich, but to be financially stable! Being in a stable relationship and willing to give up nights out etc (if that's what you're into). I couldn't have had a child at 18, I was way too immature. I feel now is slightly too young (for me) and I'm 22! A couple of years should be perfect though


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## shocker

I think its completely differant for everyone, i know some people who are in their 20s and they are too young and i also know people in their teens who arent.It goes both ways, its a matter of being emotionally ready and its differant for everyone.I got pregnant at 18 and i wasnt ready, i would have made myself ready obviously but for me personally i wasnt in a position to try and it was unplanned.My relationship wasnt stable enough.Since then ive change an awful lot and i know i am emotionally ready but circumstances dictate otherwise hence wtt, i know it seems strange to change so much so quickly but its like the sensible switch is flicked and all i can think of now is how i would love to be a sahm with a nice husband and loads of kids.I think under 17 is too young, but many 17 year olds are very mature.They dont all go out and get drunk all the time lol.I used to go out every weekend, now i rarely go out and dont like drinking anymore.If your in a very stable relationship, you have a job and your own place i dont see the problem.Young parents make fabulous parents in my opinion, yes there are ones that dont do such a good job but you get that in every age group, some are good and some are not so good.Age has nothing to do with how good a parent you can be.So there really once your 17 and have all the things you need to give a child a stable life then i would say ttc is perfectly fine, your supposed to be your healthiest for concieving at that age anyway, people had tons of babies by 20 before and no-one batted an eyelid. My cousin recently got married, hes 22 and i know he'll probablly be ttc with his wife.I dont see how anyone could see a problem with that.


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## goddess25

I guess its very dependent on the person. I had friends at school that got pregnant ant 15-16 and they were fantastic parents in terms of caring for there child but they could not financially support themselves, and they gave up school. I think to have a PLANNED child you should be in a position that you are financially secure and living in your own place. You need to be able to provide for that child. I guess this can be from 18+ depending on the individual. 
I never had first child until i was 34 as I didnt feel ready, I got several degrees from uni that have enabled me to travel with work and have a good well paying job. I wanted to travel the world first and experience life, yes you can travel with baby but its not quite so easy. I am in the position now to provide my child(ren) with everything they need and give myself fully to them without feeling like i missed out on anything.


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## raindrops009

I'm waitin till i'm 18. Personally i think people should stick to over 18 to TTC, if people get pregnant under 18 though then they still deserve the best support and love. 
I'm waiting till i'm 18. When i've learnt how to drive etc. etc. and saved enough money for a car from money that i earn from my part-time job then i'm going to save up, try and get a full time job and TTC :) x


----------



## jupesoxs

i'm 19 and will be trying for a baby in a few months as i want to finish college. i have been with my boyfriend for nearly four years and he has reasonably well paid job. i feel ready to have a baby and would definatly not have one if i didnt. i dont think it matters what age you are, my friend got preg at 17 and had her beautiful little girl at 18 yrs and she is a brilliant mother and her boyfriend is a brilliant father they were both ready both prepared and planned it really well and are planning their second (already!) me and my partner have discussed it between us and this is something we really want and feel ready and know we can do it. we will be also telling our parents that we want to try for one when i have my implant out just so we can hear what they think and we are pretty sure it wont be too much of a negitive reaction (fingers crossed)


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## TinyBoots

I've not read the rest of this thread, but I'm 22 and am going to start trying this summer, I will be 23 then.

I personally think there is no right age, it's all down to the individuals maturity.


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## samface182

i am 18 and i am fully ready to be a mother and i have been since i was about 16. people might think that is wrong but everyone is so different. you don't need to be married to have children. there is no right age to have a child everyone is different!

just my opinion :)

xx


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## TinyBoots

I fully agree with that Sam.

I became pregnant at 18 and decided not to keep the baby as I wasn't ready. Just because I wasn't ready at 18, doesn't mean someone else isn't!

Congrats on the pregnancy btw <3 x


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## TinyBoots

Double post... woops!


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## morri

A bit of board archeology?


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## princess_bump

i was just thinking that morri! old post!


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## Pinkgirl

This is quite an old thread isnt it?


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## Pinkgirl

princess_bump said:


> i was just thinking that morri! old post!

Haha can you tell my comp froze when trying to write that message! lol


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## madzia

I have 19 years (July 20years) and I think that's a good time for a child .. if only my boyfriend would agree, this year we TTC ..


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## soozandlily

I began TTC when I was 17, after I had a m/c at 7 weeks. Originally the pregnancy was accidental however we were over the moon and couldn't wait, so once we lost the baby we decided to TTC. It took us 10 months and I was pregnant whilst 18 and had my daughter when I was 19 on 02/11/07! We have since had another m/c just before christmas, and so are having a year out from TTC. However we are both only 21 still and I think we are completley ready! We have been together for 5 and 1/2 years, lived together for 3 and 1/2 years, not married. I work and I'm in my 2nd year at university and my oh is a self-employed bricklayer. 

It's got nothing to do with age, wether I had my first baby at 19 or 29 I don't think I would of being any more prepared that I was!


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## 3boys

My husband and i had our first baby when i was 20, my second when i was 21, my 3rd when i was 24 and i am pregnant now. this baby wasnt planned, the rest were. I have to say i have no regrets but motherhood is a lot tougher than i imagined. I wouldn't change it for the world but at the same time i think you really need to know what your getting into. trying to cope with day to day life when you haven't had much sleep is tough and also i have to say it can be very lonely. I think its a personal choice that is different for everyone. Also i would say that your relationship has to be really strong as it is very stressful bringing up children.


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## Danielle21x

Hey every1 I'm 21 and would love me and my bf to have a child together we are best friends which u don't find often! I think teens is too young to try to conceive and i am not against abortion when it comes to these circumstances either. It really is down to the individual!! So I 2nd that!!  xx


----------



## Newly Broody

Amygdala said:


> I agree with you all that there's no "right age" for everyone. At the same time I think there's a few reasons to not start TTC too early in life.
> 
> First: In your late teens and early twenties, you're still finding yourself. It might not feel like you are at the time but I think most people would agree that they were looking back. I think planning a child too early means you miss out on some great life experiences (such as travelling, uni, your dream career...). And what feels right to you at 19 might not be right for you at 35. That goes for partners as well, as people change so much between 15 and 25 and a lot of previously stable relationships break up in this time.
> 
> Second: I think it's absolutely essential that you can support yourself and your child. So I think you should have a steady job or preferably a degree or some training. Of course some people achieve this by the time they are 18 but I think usually it means waiting till your mid-twenties. I think if you're still dependant on anyone else, such as your parents or the state, then it's too early to TTC.
> 
> Third: Babies should grow up in stable families. Personally I wanted to be married before I start TTC but I don't think a marriage license automatically means that your relationship is stable (or the lack of one that it isn't). I just think you should be very very sure that you and your partner are fully and utterly commited. Of course a relationship can always break up but I think you should only bring a baby into a realtionship if you're as sure as you can be that it's going to last.
> 
> If I apply all these things to me, then it would have been too early for me to have kids before my mid-twenties (and I waited for those reasons, despite the old biological clock ticking away in my ears). But I think it's important to remember that some people have achieved all these things by say 22 while others may not have them into their 30s. So it's not about age but about getting your life in a place where it's ready to accomodate a child.

Sorry ladies, I'm joining the conversation a bit late, and I'll admit I haven't read all the post, but Amygdala hit the nail on the head for me here.


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## vermeil

Hey everyone!

i *personally* think the perfect age to have kids is after 25.

With that said, here's the obligatory disclaimer before ya all get upset as obviously some have been at some of the replies:

-the thread title clearly invites people to come give their *opinion*. If it's not an answer you agree with, well then isn't is great that we're all different =p 

-I *personally* think people should finish their studies, get a stable job, visit the world a bit before having a family. Yes yes I know quite a few who had kids straight out of highschool and are GREAT parents and PERFECTLY happy. That's not what I would *personally* do. 

-I think the average age of visitors WTT is young so that will of course influence replies here.

With that said, hope your family plans turn out just like you want!:happydance:

-sour old woman of 37 :winkwink:


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## bodacious

I'm not going to try to give a universal age, because everyone is different. For us, we know what we want out of life and know that wtt until July is what we want. We will be married with a good, steady income. qe want to start early because we want 4 kids spaced at lesst 3 years apart, and if we wait too long, we will be treading unsafe territory by the last one if we wait too long. I will be 20 and oh will be 22 by the time we conceive. Some might think this is too young but its just right for us.


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## stargirl69

From a personal point of view I wanted to be at an age where I had my own home with plenty of room to bring up my family in a nice area with a good local school, I wanted to have money in savings, for my husband and I to have been together a good number of years, to have enjoyed travelling and the time just the two of us, for us both to have good secure jobs etc. For us we didn't reach that time until our late 20s, so before that we wouldn't have tried. (The last few years were a very frustrating wait but I'm glad we waited).

For others though, having a baby is all they aspire to do with their life and so, therefore, are ready as soon as they are in a serious relationship. So if that's when they're 16 well that's up to them. Everyone is different! It wouldn't do if we were all the same, and you can't force anyone to see things the way you do. 

I think people have the potential to be good mothers no matter what their age. It's their character that is the most important thing.


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## helent1983

I don't think you can put an age on TTC as everyone's situation is different. I wanted a baby since I was about 15 but only just had my first 7 month ago. (I am nearly 27). When I look back I am glad I didn't have a baby earlier as I wouldn't have been able to do all the things I wanted to do like college, work saving up etc. 

Hope I am ok asking this but why doesn't this forum support under 18s TTC? The law says you can have sex from 16 so obviously you can get pregnant from 16 (by law). Just wondered? :shrug:

Thanks

xx


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## JASMAK

I think 10 is too young! :rofl: sorry...just had to add mine. I know, I am a smart a$$:blush:


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## cupcake123

helent1983 said:


> I don't think you can put an age on TTC as everyone's situation is different. I wanted a baby since I was about 15 but only just had my first 7 month ago. (I am nearly 27). When I look back I am glad I didn't have a baby earlier as I wouldn't have been able to do all the things I wanted to do like college, work saving up etc.
> 
> Hope I am ok asking this but why doesn't this forum support under 18s TTC? The law says you can have sex from 16 so obviously you can get pregnant from 16 (by law). Just wondered? :shrug:
> 
> Thanks
> 
> xx


Its not a worldwide consent age; in many states in America it is 17 or 18, so I guess that this is the reason.


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## Althara

In my frank opinion, unless you can afford to support your child, you *shouldn't be trying* to conceive one. Accidents happen certainly, but blatent totally unprotected sex before you're in a situation to provide for a child is silly, immature and totally selfish. In my opinion.

Naturally everyone's opinion of what 'provide for' means is different xD If you and your parents are happy raising a child in your parent's house, then so long as you can afford the basics your baby will need, go for it! 

Beyond the legal limitations, I don't think it's age that's important; rather your own personal cirumstances and stability :)


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## aliss

For me, 25 :kiss:

There are plenty of great yummy mummys that are not even 20 :baby: I wasn't one of them!


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## venusrockstar

I think over the age of 24 is a good place to start. I think schooling and education are very important as well as establishing a good stable career. I think you would be more "grounded" to provide for a child. I personally waited until I was 29 to start trying for our first because I was in no state to provide for a child previous. I have a wonderful full-time career in insurance with full health benefits, I'm married to the man I've been with going on 9 years now. We've had time to work on and sort out all our relationship issues. We also used to live in a VERY BAD neighbourhood. Last April we bought our very first home in a wonderful family-oriented neighbourhood with 2 schools and a park at the end of our street. 

This is just my personal opinion from MY situation. Please don't anyone take offence. I'm sure when baby's are unplanned etc, people arrange to provide the best life they can for their child and I'm sure there are TONS of great young mother's out there. I'm not knocking being a young mom, just saying it's better to wait for some people.


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## lesleyann

i think it should not matter tbh well atlest 16 since thats the legal age to have sex. But aslong as you are mature and 1 of the 2 parents has a job idont see aproblem with it.

I was 16 when i get pregnant not TTC 17 by the time i had my son and 18 now and i do not regret 1 thing it has made me a better person as a whole and make some changes i needed to make. My Oh was 19 when i got pregnant and 20 now and will be 21 2days after our Lo's 1st.. He has a job, i was at college and we rent our own house **non council**.

Every person/couple is different there should be no age set within reason as i said above under 16's TTC NO because under 16 you are not even legally aloud to have sex but i think once you are old enough to legally have sex then thats up to you tbh.some familys have medical reasons that mean by the age of 24 they may no longer be able to have children of there own, Some people it will take years to concive and they no this so they start before the "norm" opinion would say they should.

As long as the baby is well looked after and has love and a roof over there head and ok not TTC while on 100% state help i do not see the problem at all.


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## MiissMuffet

I know 25+ year olds that are mentally too young, or just arn't secure enough to try for a baby so it isn't always age. x


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## Mummy2Asher

i think everyone should choose when they want to have children becuase its everyones own choice!
i dont agree with ttc under 16 for legal reasons but i think its so unfair young mums get classed as the worser mums? 
i had my son 2months after i turned 16 and have had many rows with people about being too young to have my son and being a single mum. but im doing it, loving every second and wonder sometimes why people say motherhood is hard? im 3.5yrs in and still cant believe i have the most perfect lil boy, and we are so close.
so now im nearly 20 and having baby no2 and havnt questioned once if i was too young. i plan to have all my children by the time im 30 so i have a long time to watch them grow up and chase them round feilds and take them swimming and everywhere else they wana go.


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## nightkd

I'm 19, DH is 22. For us, that was the perfect age to start trying. :)

x


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## Lucy_lu_84

I think it's a personally thing...some 25 years olds are not mature enough to have a child. I know a few and i know a girl who had her first at 16 second a few years later and is an amazing Mum. Age doesn't say whether or not u are ready of if u will be a good mum! 

Personally for me 23 was the perfect age to start trying, but that was because I was with me DH for a few years, we were marredi (not that that is important) and for us it waas the right time in our relationship.


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## cdejdemommy

I haven't read through all the posts. All I can tell you is that it all depends on the person and the situation the person is in.

As far as I'm concerned my teenage days were over as soon as I turned 14. My dad left us so my mom had to go back to work. I have 2 younger sisters and a younger brother. I was left to take care of them. I cooked their dinners, I cleaned the house, I helped with homework, etc. All of this after coming home from my freshman year of high school. My school work suffered for it. I ended up failing two classes my sophomore year because I was too tired to study after doing all of the things the MOM in the family is supposed to do while the DAD is going out and bringing home the bacon. I was drained. 

I finished up my schooling and got my high school diploma but it took me one extra year. In the mean time, when I was 16 years old I met a wonderful boy. He was 19 at the time and we had marriage plans less than 6 months after we started dating. We knew we'd be together forever.

Two weeks after I turned 19 years old I got married to the man of my dreams.
One year and 2 months later we decided the time was right for us. We both had stable jobs and a loving, trusting, committed relationship. For us, it was the perfect time for the next step.

We welcomed my first son into the world just one month shy of me turning 21. He became my life. I had always thought I felt mentally and physically prepared to have a baby - from the time I got married. Having a baby changes you though (at least, if you let it... if you're a GOOD parent). If you allow that love for your child to fill up your heart that is when you are able to take good care of them. Regardless of the circumstances of life. When I was 2 months pregnant with my first I lost my job. These are unforeseen things that you should be prepared for but sometimes can't be. Life doesn't work out according to our plans sometimes. We had some tough financial times while I was pregnant with him because of this and we couldn't pay our rent. We moved in with my mom from the time I was 4 months pregnant with him until he was 4 months old. It wasn't bad. We were happy to be back out on our own again when my husband finally found a second job but the most important thing when you have a baby is the LOVE you have for him or her and the stability of the marriage between you and your spouse.

Going through those stresses helped us become stronger people and we have more to offer our kids because of it. One month after we moved out of my mom's house I got pregnant with my 2nd. I had him one month after turning 22. 

I do not, in any way, shape, or form regret having my kids at the time of life that I had them. They are my life. Everything else pales in comparison to them. Everything else is SO petty. When my oldest son was one month old and I turned 21 my friends told me that they wanted to take me out on the town for my 21st. I politely declined and stayed at home nursing my one month old baby. Yes, there are sacrifices but to me - once you have that love for your baby - the sacrifices you make don't even feel like sacrifices.

I don't believe you have to wait until you are in your mid-late twenties like a lot of people do. I believe that pushing 30 is even more unnecessary and anything after 35 is (to me) kind of risky. I know that people want to get their educations first and that's fine. It's also fine to want to start a career, etc. or buy a house or whatever it is you wanna do but for *us* and for *me* there was never a better time. My husband works really hard to provide for our family and I do what I can when I can but we have 2 beautiful children, our own cozy little 4 bedroom house, a loving relationship, a committed marriage, a fenced in yard and plenty of food in our pantry and fridge. We are happy as can be. The thing about having a child is that THEY mature YOU. I hear a lot of people say "we're not old enough, we're not mature enough..." well, for *ME* having my children and placing them as first priority in my life not only has made me a humble person but a mature one. It opened my eyes to a whole new world and opened a door to my heart that I never knew was there. 

Everything in life is more important now. Child abuse makes me cringe more now than it ever did before. When I hear about murders or robberies all I can do is shake my head and wonder what that person's mother must think.

My life is dedicated to making the future brighter for my children. It makes you want to work in your community even more to improve it, it makes you sick to your stomach to see graffiti on walls or litter in the streets. It matures you in ways that you cannot even understand until you've actually been there. Until you actually hold that little bundle of HOPE and experience in your arms - you'll never be ready.

As I like to describe it - it's like trying to prepare for a tornado. A tornado that sweeps through your life but instead of destroying everything in it turns it completely around and makes it 100% better - puts your life in a beautiful place... one you never even knew existed.

I'm sorry this was a novel. In conclusion - I think anytime after your teens is a good time if you are stable in your relationship, are making good choices for your life and have your finances lined up. Babies don't need frilly dresses and the most expensive stroller on the market. All they need is a place to call home, breastmilk, and diapers... but most importantly - LOVE.


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## JCsquaredd

"Too early" depends upon a lot of factors. I suppose it isn't as much about age as it is financial and relationship stability. That being said, most really young couples do not have either a secure job or a secure relationship, that's why the general belief among many people is that teens and early twenty-somethings are "too young" to have children. I believe that education is the most important thing someone can (and should) do for themselves, so in an ideal fantasy world, I think people should go to college before they have children. The stress of a baby can be overwhelming which is why, statistically speaking, the reported happiest times in a couple's relationship is BEFORE having children and AFTER they've grown up and moved out.


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## aliss

I had a full time govt job at 19 and owned my own home at 20. Even making $80k/yr, I was nowhere near ready mentally. I don't think finances are as big an issue. My parents never had enough money to give us more than ramen noodles and rice but my mother was the best darn mom ever. She may have 17 when she married but her head was on a lot straighter than mine at 23!


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## welshwarriors

Nobody can say that a Mum aged 30 is a better mum than a Mum who is 20. I think it depends on the indiviual and her development. 
Never in a million yrs I would have considered having a baby at 18/19 or 20. I wanted to finish my education, I wanted to be married and I wanted to have lived life a bit and grow up a bit. lol
When we started to TTC I was 23, we were married for nearly 6 months and we both REALLY wanted this (which is pretty important in my eyes too, that both want it) and I just finished college. It was the perfect time for me. 

I defo think that girls should finish their education and then consider having children. I know a few mum's who had their children early and struggled to go back into education and I know a few who didn't bother at all and just kept having children. 

(This is my personal opinion)


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## Booga

OH and I are planning on NTNP this summer; he'll be 19, and I'm 18.
We won't be officially TTC until next summer though, when I'll be 19 and he'll be 20.
He's going to be an E5 in about a year and a half, once he's done with A-School and C-School for the Navy, making enough money to support him and myself. We feel that we're very mature, and taking steps to strengthen our futures. 

Really though, it all depends on the person/couple. 
Everyone is at different stages in their life at different ages.
Not every 25 year old is well-equipped to have kids... Heck, not every 30 year old can handle having kids!


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## aob1013

I think it is okay as soon as you are mentally, physically, and financially stable. And of course you have a loving, stable long term relationship.

Our baby was unplanned, and we aren't any of those above things, but we are going to try our hardest.

Definately only when you are able to provide totally for a child is when you should think about trying.

I think these silly old 16 year olds who are still living at home getting £10 a week pocket money doing a childcare course wanting a baby is absurd!


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## Melly

i think it completely depends on the person, BUT i wouldnt recommend it to anyone under about 21 because you are missing out on so many life experiences that you may never have due to having a child.

i was desperate to have a baby when i was 20, luckily the relationship ended before we had a baby, and looking back i am SO glad. 
Im now 29, married, settled, and have done things i never would have done if i now had a 9yr old! for example, i've travelled to places i wouldnt have managed financially to if i'd had a child.

i have friends who had children young, and although they wouldnt change them for the world, they really struggled (financially, mentally, socially) and have been known to admit they wished they had waited a few years.

having said that, one of my friends had a baby last year, she is 22, and has coped amazingly well and her son is her absolute life.


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