# How did you decide where LO stays and for how long with each parent? (Night about?)



## SparkleBug

How did you arrange where bubs would stay and for how long? We are arranging everything informally at present but will soon have something written. At the moment we are doing alternate nights at each house as we live closely and felt it stopped baba from getting into a routine in one place and then being uprooted to another elsewhere and so on. What did you do? How do you think is best for a 2 year old? 

I'm feeling horrendous guilt just now as I am the one who moved out in January....I instigated everything and feel any behavioural issues from baba is a direct result of my selfishness :nope:


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## blamesydney

My little girl stays with her daddy three days a week and with me four days a week, so that I still get the majority but she gets plenty of daddy time and nobody misses out.0
And you shouldn't feel guilty! My daughters almost two, she loves me, and she loves her dad. :hugs:


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## Boomerslady

Ben does 4 nights with me, 3 nights with his dad. 3.5 days at each. It's been this way since we split up when Ben was 18 months old. He wanted a 50/50 split if time and in my eyes I had no right to deny that. It means I can work 3 days a week knowing Bend being well looked after by his Daddy. 

I'm too instigated the split so I kinda know how you're feeling.

ETA: you're not selfish! You did what you had to do for your own happiness and sanity. All LO needs is happy parents. Bend so used to the split now, I feel a chuck of time at each works well he has different routines at each house but he's so used to it and doesn't know any different.


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## Lauraxamy

Atm my LO's are with their Dad from Saturday afternoon until Sunday Evening, sometimes he'll have them from Friday afternoon when he picks them up from nursery as well if he doesn't have to work that Saturday. I work Tues-Fri so I knew I wanted to spend Mondays with them as that's my day off but I also wanted to keep them in their routine so we decided it would just work best this way. If I need him to though he'll have them in the week if I'm working late or anything like that. I may be starting a new job soon so it may all swap around as I'll need him to help out a little bit more. 

You're not seflish. I was also the one to walk out on our relationship. It was three years ago now and I was pregnant with our second baby so it was a tough decision and I too felt selfish but in the end you'll see that you've done the right thing. It's better to be separated and happy so you can be a happy parent than together and always sad/upset which could reflect on LO :hugs:


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## violet chase

My LO is picked up Saturday afternoon and comes back to me Monday afternoon! I thought this was fair with my xhub because of his working pattern! It's with an understanding that as soon as LO starts full time nursery/school it will then go to alternate weekends and access twice (or what we decide) during the week!


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## louandivy

Ivy is with me.on the weekdays and then me and FOB have alternate weekends. However he usually comes round to mine a few.evenings a week to spend some time.with her. During holidays as FOB is a teacher we split ivy 50/50


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## Kate&Lucas

We went for two days a week when he was very small (not overnight), built up to one overnight and now it's generally one overnight on a Friday and one daytime through the week depending on his shifts at work. I think they could do with more time together personally but FOB lives about an hour and a half away as neither of us drive, and Lucas is at nursery five mornings a week so can't really do anymore overnights.


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## Natsku

Ours is a bit messed up, its supposed to be the first and last weekends of the month (friday afternoon til monday afternoon) and the 3rd week of the monday (monday til friday) but it never works out that way. We're going back to court next year so I'm going to push to change it to every other week thursday til monday, will be a bit less time than he gets now but it'll be more regular and then easier to switch to every other weekend once she starts school (he lives too far away to have her during the week once she's at school)


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## Kayley

My ex insisted on 50/50 access with my DD so it works out he has her mon and weds I have her tues and thurs and we have every other weekend each fri - mon morning.

Having it this way means neither of us owe the other money (there is no maintenance etc) to sort and contact between us is limited. DD has clothes and toys and everything she needs at both houses, she gets 2 birthdays, 2 xmas's and 2 Easters 

It works this way and also means that I get a bit of a social life. Although I do miss her when I don't have her ALOT 

Btw I have the same arrangement with both my DDs dads


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