# Shy hello :) Would love some advice!



## baymax

Hello everyone :) I found this website in a panicky daze, and everyone seems so lovely and welcoming!

Basically, my birthday was a couple of days ago (I just turned 20, so technically not a teen anymore) and on that day I took two pregnancy test, both of which are positive. These past couple of days have been filled with birthday celebrations and work, so I haven't really had a chance to think about it. However, now I am sitting here freaking out and panicking about everything, wonder what the heck comes first, and what I'm supposed to do! I don't really have any close pregnant friends I could ask about this, but I hope to be friends with everyone in this lovely and welcoming environment. Thanks so much for reading!


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## xforuiholdonx

Welcome and Congratulations!!!! 
I'm Lisa, and I'm 22. My daughter Emma is 4.5 and my son Coltin is almost 19 months old. 
Have you told the father yet? That would be the first step in the right direction! I would also go and get prenatal vitamins and call to set up a doctors appointment depending on which country you reside in, things get done a little differently! :flower:


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## ClairAye

Congratulations and welcome :wave:

I'm Clair, 20 and I have a 2.5 year old son and a 1 year old daughter :flower:

I saw my GP first who referred me to the midwives and second time I just phoned the midwives directly and told them and made a booking appointment, I'm in the UK.


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## baymax

Thank you both! And congrats to you guys for already having beautiful children.

My head is still in such a mess about this, is that normal? :wacko: There is so much to think about! I think I will call the doctor on Monday and make an appointment before work. 

I also wouldn't have a clue about which vitamins to take, would the doctor be able to advise me on this or are they something I have to buy on my own?

I feel horrible in saying this, but I'm so scared! I have not told the father yet, I don't know how he'll react. The same goes for my family. And I have no idea how my study or work will be affected. I guess this is pretty out of left field :s thanks for listening to my rant!


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## ClairAye

So normal! Pregnancy is a huge thing! You can buy pregnancy multivitamins but your doctor can do a prescription for Folic Acid which you should take for the first 12 weeks. I think the sooner the better when it comes to telling family, it gives more time for things to sink in if they react a bit badly!


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## Pens

Congratulations :hugs: I turned 20 last month and I'm pregnant with my first! My head was all over the place when I first found out, I was happy but very nervous and really didn't know what to expect of course! 
The first thing I did was tell my other half and my parents, I think I would have ended up driving myself even more insane if I had kept it to myself and I do think it helps getting it over and done with. The next thing I did was book an appointment with my doctor and she told me about multi-vitamins and folic acid and what foods to avoid etc. 
Everyone I've spoke to on this website is lovely to I think you've come to the right place! Feel free to message me if you want a chat :)


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## baymax

Okay, so I'll definitely be making an appointment tomorrow to see the doctor. I'm hoping they can do the same for me, advise me on vitamins, folic acid and the like. I also didn't think about what not to eat and drink!!

I think you're right with me telling my family. It's a bit of a complicated situation with them :/ I live at home, and I think they'd be fine with me staying here, but I help out quite a lot financially and I think they'd be really worried about the financial difficulties I'd have as they wouldn't really be able to help out as much as they'd like. Aside from that initial disappointment of course! :/ 

Also, thank you! :) I probably will take you up on that offer, I haven't told anyone about this and I'm about going mental lol. May I ask if you, or anyone(!), are doing any tertiary studies, like uni? I'm also wondering how this will tie my studies :S


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## Pens

I'm not doing any studies but I was working and being pregnant really took it's toll on me at the beginning and I was on sick leave a lot because I couldn't keep up. Although I was working in a fast paced factory job and I physically couldn't put 230 things together in an hour in between feeling like I was going to faint and being sick! 
My advice would just to do what you can when you can, even if it means being ahead, so when you're having a bad day you won't have to worry about being too far behind.
How are you finding pregnancy so far? xx


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## baymax

I forgot today is a public holiday where I am, so first thing tomorrow I'll be making a call. Oh wow, that sounds like it was awful! I work in fast food at the moment, so I feel that pain. 

Pregnancy itself is not too bad so far! I found a due-date calculator thing online, and according to it I'm only about five weeks. I'm just feeling quite tired and a bit achey, but that could also be attributed to the long hours I do at work xD Is that normal? I'm wondering what other symptoms I have to look forward to haha.

It also calculated that my due date would be in September sometime. I was reading through where abouts I would be in this pregnancy throughout the weeks (with the baby's development) and I got pretty excited :3 

I'm still so so nervous about some things. Telling the father, telling my family, university. I know I can't keep this to myself forever, but I'm scared. I think you're right about getting ahead in uni work, but if I'm due in September, then I'm worried about exams and assignments due around that time.


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## DoodleDoo

Hi, welcome :) I'm Demi, I'm 19 and expecting my first baby. Congratulations on your pregnancy, it can be terrifying when you first find out but it soon becomes really exciting.

I'm at university, I was in my first term still when I found out that I was pregnant. I was really shocked as although my boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years we weren't thinking about children at all! 

The first thing I'd do is what the other girls have said. Sort out seeing your doctor/midwife and get yourself taking supplements. There are plenty to choose from. I take Pregnacare - I think :S If you're in the UK your midwife will give you some but the free ones don't contain as many vitamins as the shop bought ones.

Next, talk to your university (a personal tutor or something?) and tell the the situation. Mine were really good and told me that I could transfer to a part ime course, or take a year or two out at any time. As it happens, I'm going to move back to my home town so that my baby's dad and I can live together. I'm hoping to transfer to a local university :)

Hope you're okay. PM me if you need to talk :hugs:


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## skyesmom

hey hey! i ain't a teen and i ain't pregnant but here to help and offer some advice!

as other posters said, it is normal to be scared and have the head all over the place as the news is shocking and life-changing at ANY age at ANY point in life, and whatever plans you've made for yourself in terms of career, living situations and relationships, they WILL change with a baby on the way, even when you plan it all as much as you can and it all goes according to your plan as well.
My OH and i were short of 30 when we found out we were expecting (very much planned, longed for and sadly, lost), and STILL we were shocked. we were excited beyond any means, of course, but even then, it really takes a while for the news to sit in. and if you try to think of all the stuff you have to do at once, it will overwhelm you whether you're 18 or 38.

so when these thoughts and concerns come, remember you got 8 months before the baby is there to arrange stuff.

that said, i also think the sooner you tell to the baby's daddy and your parents, the better. i'd maybe tell him first and then tell them - so if they wanna meet him and talk to him or whatever, that he is ready and prepared and all.

i think since you're already helping out financially at your home, and your help is significant, that yes, your parents may be very shocked at the beginning, but maybe less worried of how you will cope with it, as you are already took financial responsibility for the household on yourself as well.
and since you guys are already helping each other out, i think arranging a life of mutual help and support with one little person more won't be impossible :)

as for the uni, talk to a councilor and maybe find a local support group for young moms/parents? if you're in the UK, i am sure there are some, UK's great on the charity and support group thing.


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## baymax

Thank you both for the advice!

I have made an appointment to see the doctor next Tuesday, and I think she'll refer me to a midwife after that. I'm pretty nervous for the appointment, but I trust my doctor and I know it'll be fine.

With uni, Demi, how long are you able to stay in the course you're currently doing? (I'm Rikka, by the way :) ). I'm going into my third and final year and I don't want to stretch out too much. Some of the papers I'm doing this year aren't offered next year, so I'm hoping they'll let me get ahead in assignments before the birth and be ready for the exam in November (seems pretty impossible I know, I've been wracking my brains for so long about this trying to find a solution xD)

Thanks so much for the advise, skyesmom, and I'm so sorry for that loss you felt :hugs: I think you're right in both telling my parents and the father, but I'm so scared. I'm not with the father, he's actually a manager at my work, who is also about to get into a relationship with another manager, who is so lovely and would be affected by this in her new relationship with him. The whole situation is pretty awkward and complicated :s 

Also, I've begun to get morning sickness. Although they should really call it anytime of the day sickness, I've been vomiting early afternoon, which makes working so much fun haha. I'm also feeling considerably more tired and achey, but I guess this is all par for the course! Does anyone have any advise on helping feeling queasy all the time and actually having to throw up? And when will it stop? I'll ask my doctor as well, but that's not til next Tuesday :sick:


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## Pens

I was so sick right up until I was about 25 weeks, I tried every trick in the book and nothing helped (not trying to worry you, haha) but a lot of people swear by eating ginger biscuits. You can also buy travel sickness bands that you put on each wrist and there's a little ball on them which pushes down on a pressure point which is meant to stop you from feeling sick too, they did actually help me in my first trimester a little bit. If none of that works, you can always ask your doctor if they can give you some anti-sickness tablets too! 
I know it's hard but I wouldn't prolong telling the babys dad and your parents for much longer, I can't imagine it being any easier the longer you wait. I understand that it might be a little awkward after telling the father at first because of the circumstances but remember that he has to get his head around it too and you will both have more time to come to terms on what's happening and arrange some sort of a plan xx


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## ClairAye

I had physical sickness from 7-19 weeks with my son and a few times later then two or three times with my daughter but I felt nauseous lots! I found Lucozade or any other fizzy orange juice, lemonade, mints and salt and vinegar crisps helped me! I had travel sickness bands with my first too.

As for telling the dad I would definitely tell him asap, especially as it will affect more than just you and him. I can't imagine how hard it will be though :hugs:


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## Vickster1

welcome and congrats! 

I'm 22 and due in April with our first baby, although she was planned so it's a little different situation.

With regards to morning sickness - sorry to be a downer but I had all day sickness from about 5 weeks until 20 ish. and i still get a bit sick now too but it's not too bad now - plus it'll be worth it when our baby arrives.

Can I ask are you in the UK?

I take pregnacare vitamins which you can buy from any chemist or supermarket really. I'd also recommend you read up on which foods you're not suppose to eat just so you're aware x


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## skyesmom

if your relationship situation is unclear then i'd really tell him asap. especially if he's about to get involved into another relationship. your baby is more important than any other manager/person at work, and it should be so also for HIM and not only for you. he's got his part of responsibility here and the sooner he knows the better he can deal with it.

as for the other manager, as sweet as she is, she also needs to know the truth before committing into any relationship. if you were her, you'd certainly like to know if the guy who you're about to start dating a bit more seriously is really free, trustworthy and committed, let alone if he's to be a father.


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## baymax

Thanks for the advice on how to deal with this nausea and sickness. I'll try everything suggested, as well as ask my doctor on Tuesday. Good to know this will last a good while :L I know it'll be worth it in the end but at the moment it sucks!! 

Speaking of doctors, I was also wondering when scans and stuff happen? Like I'm guessing not so early in the pregnancy like I am (I'll be about 6 weeks when I see doctor), but when do they happen? And how does it feel? I am honestly so clueless about these things haha.

Also, not in the UK :)

Everyone is right about telling the father. I told my best friend today and I'm so glad I did - she'll come with me to the doctor next week and since she knows the father as well, she'll be there as back up support if I need her. I don't think the female manager will have a problem with it personally - this all happened before they thought about getting together, truthfully I think I'm just selfishly scared of what others will think of me at work :L as well as that, I'd feel bad if this got between them. But in saying that, my baby is the most important thing to me now, I need to start considering it above everything else, I know. So I think I'll tell him next week after the doctor, as our shifts conflict this week! Does anyone have any advice on how to break it to him? 

Thanks everyone for their help thus far, I don't know what I would've done just keeping this all to myself without the support and advice of you lovely ladies! :hugs:


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## ClairAye

I'm not sure about scans not in the UK but usually you get a dating one (roughly 12 weeks here) and one around 20 weeks to check for abnormalities etc. They can be quite painful because you need a full bladder the earlier you are and often there is a lot of pressing to see everything but you're too distracted by watching the screen to care!


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## baymax

Okay thank you :) I think it's similar here too, I (think) I remember looking at my mum's scan pictures and for my older brother and sister she only had a couple, she had more with us as we were born when she was a bit older! :) It must be so amazing actually seeing your baby, I can imagine being too distracted to notice anything else.


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## Vickster1

Yes here we have scans at 12 and 20 weeks on the NHS but then I've had a few extras such as a 4D and an extra growth scan since they thought I was measuring small. I wouldn't say they hurt - just a bit uncomfortable whilst their pressing on your stomach when you need a wee so bad!


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## baymax

Oh okay, thank you :) That's good to know. Still wondering about how I should break it to the father! :S


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## nic18

easiest way is to get it out fast and take it from there :) 
good luck and congrats


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## Cheyby

Hey Rikka,

Congrats on the LO. You asked about studying... I was completing my final year of school when I had my LO, last year. 

During my June exams, she was born. I managed to stay breastfeeding and in school and working some small jobs to get enough money to contribute but to still have time with my LG. I wrote my final matric exams in November and as difficult as it was, I did quite well.

I started up a business just before my daughter was born and this year I plan to work on my business and get some good money coming in. I also am going to be studying psychology through a distance education university in my country. I have already done 3 photo shoots this year and people actually don't seem to mind that I'm baby-wearing while taking pics, lol. 

Also, a lot of "baby" stuff on the market is literally just for money making purposes. I put myself down to one question when I see something, "Would my great grandmother have used this?" If not, I don't buy it. That has saved me a lot of money.

Getting child support also helps a lot so I would really make sure make arrangements- regardless of pride. I wish I had accepted the child support sooner! 

Congrats, once again and good luck :)


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## baymax

Hey all, thanks for all the advice :) Cheyby, your story is amazing! You accomplished so much (even WITHOUT having a baby that's amazing). When I go back to uni next month hopefully I'll be able to sort everything out.

Quick update on the situation thus far: I went to the doctor a couple of days ago, she prescribed me folic acid and recommended some other vitamins, so everything is all good there. She passed me on to a midwife who seems wonderful, I'm meeting with her next week. I'm just over six weeks.

I'm planning on telling the father tomorrow. I have no idea how he'll take it, I'm so scared. But I know I have to do this, I think I've kept this from him long enough :S


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## Pens

Glad to hear your doctors appointment went well and good luck on telling the dad :hugs:


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## ClairAye

Good luck tomorrow! :hugs:


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## baymax

I just got home from work, I made the mistake of telling the father before work today haha. I'll start at the beginning. I invited him to grab a coffee this morning, where I pretty much blurted it out as soon as we sat down, so I wouldn't lose my nerve. He was shocked, like he didn't say anything for a while. He then got angry and asked if I was sure it was his, he just got into a relationship, did I have any idea how it'll stuff everything up for him. Then he kind of went on to blame me. At this point I basically ran away bawling my eyes out. The father isn't a bad guy at all, I think just because it was so completely out of the blue, and he had a lot planned for this year that having a child wouldn't allow him to do. He's said as much in texts where he's been apologising profusely and he's been trying to call me a lot since about an hour after I saw him, which I haven't replied to or answered, I don't want to talk to him right now :/


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## Pens

Well done for telling him, getting it straight out there was probably the best thing to do. I'm sorry that he got mad at you, you're right that it was most likely just the shock of it all but he still should have considered your feelings, it takes two to tango and you're probably going to have to put things on hold as well, it's not all about him. I don't blame you for not wanting to talk to him right now, I wouldn't want to either, give yourself a few hours to chill out and then maybe reply, you'll probably be able to discuss it properly now it's sunk in for him. :hugs:
How are you feeling apart from the obvious?


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## baymax

I think I'll talk to him tomorrow after work. I just am too upset and tired to deal with this at the moment :L Thank you for the support :hugs:

I'm feeling tired all the time, cranky, achey, and I am vomitting constantly. I've been experimenting with things to make me feel better, and a few things have worked and have saved me for when I have to work. I'm sick in between and occasionally on my breaks XD I'll talk to the midwife about it next week and see if she can recommend anything else.


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## skyesmom

good job for telling the father! as the pp already said, it is just a shock reaction and the fact he's tried to contact you later and apologized profusely is a good sign. no matter how cautious you are when breaking a news like this, it is always gonna be a shock. it is not so much how you said it, as much as the content and the consequences.

i am sorry he sounded so selfish and aggressive but hey... shock and fear can do crazy stuff even to the best of the people.

take your time to digest his reaction and then reply to him. cry your heart out as much as you feel you need to. his reaction albeit understandable was really poor and it is normal to feel the way you do and he needs to understand this as well. you've been dealing with this great so far and really kudos for it.

i hope it all clears out with him! when are you telling your parents?


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## baymax

Thank you :) I've calmed down a bit. I replied to him yesterday, and we arranged to meet up next week and calmly talk about it. I'm meeting the midwife tomorrow, so I'll have extra stuff to tell him. Hopefully we can sort this all out :s

I think I'll tell them after I've discussed everything with the father, I think I'd feel better telling them if I have things sorted out. I'm also really nervous :L


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