# Starting to get really worried. In laws....



## SaraVO

I don't know if I'm in the right place but here goes.


My husband is an only son. He has three sisters. Out of his four uncles there is one cousin who is a boy and one son from him. He has a lot of girl cousins. For my family I have three nephews and one niece my mother would be thrilled with a girl my father already has a grandson named after him. 

for me I am fine either way really girls are cute but I have so many nephews I'm comfortable with little boys. My fear is my father in law. My husband doesn't even want him to know so we don't get his hopes up. This is going to be my last pregnancy. I've had three miscarriages trying to get to this point and I just don't have it in me to keep trying for a boy when we don't want more than one baby. We are both in our thirties and I'm already an older mom. Having a baby pushing forty is just not okay with me. 

But my husband is warning me that there will more than likely be attitude and disappointment his stepmother may be less than nice about another granddaughter. I just feel horrible that my daughter if I have one won't be welcomed into the family because she isn't a boy. And I have all this pressure to produce a boy when they are already so dang few and far between in that family. 

My husband does want a son but he isn't going to be heartbroken if it's a girl he's just a little afraid and thinks it will be more stressful and he will be more protective. But he remembers his sister's being daddy's girls and wouldn't mind that part at all. 

I keep thinking boy and calling the baby him just because it would make everyone happy. Part of me wants a girl because she will be MINE and the family won't be as invested in her. I agreed to not telling in laws until we know for sure. About a week and a half away but how do I deal with their condolences when I'm still scared to be pregnant and all I want is a good pregnancy and a healthy child?


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## Misscalais

Aww big hugs!!! My pop had only 1 son and 4 daughters. Then had 8 grand daughters before having a grandson lol but he was a wonderful man and im sure he felt some sort of disappointment but he loved us all the same.
My mil only had 4 boys, 2 from one husband and 2 from DH step dad. So she wanted a girl with our 1st. You could tell she was disappointed but she really doted on him. Come 2nd son omg the disappointment from her, she treated him like he was inferior. We no longer have anything to do with mil. Ds3 is almost 18 months and she's never met him, we cut ties with her when i was 39 weeks.
Don't try be happy for what others want, be happy for yourself. If they aren't happy, tough luck!


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## SaraVO

Misscalais said:


> Aww big hugs!!! My pop had only 1 son and 4 daughters. Then had 8 grand daughters before having a grandson lol but he was a wonderful man and im sure he felt some sort of disappointment but he loved us all the same.
> My mil only had 4 boys, 2 from one husband and 2 from DH step dad. So she wanted a girl with our 1st. You could tell she was disappointed but she really doted on him. Come 2nd son omg the disappointment from her, she treated him like he was inferior. We no longer have anything to do with mil. Ds3 is almost 18 months and she's never met him, we cut ties with her whenj i was 39 weeks.
> Don't try be happy for what others want, be happy for yourself. If they aren't happy, tough luck!

My family will be fine either way. A few of my closest have told me that they've had dreams I'm having a girl. We take those omens pretty seriously they're right a lot. In the beginning I had boy dreams but nothing in the last month or so. I just don't know how I'm going to cope with people being disappointed. It feels like rejection and that side of the family had strained relationships with my husband before I even met them. I would like things to get better my husband loves his dad and has great childhood memories with him. The stepmother and sisters not so much. I kind of feel like this baby might make or break those ties. My husband has already warned me that he won't let any of them even close to me or the baby with any kind of attitude but that means he will be cutting off his dad. And a grandparent. Mine were so important to me as a kid I don't want this baby to miss out. We still have a ton of family but it just feels sad.


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## LillyFleur

:hugs: 

My DH family is all boys, he has mostly boy cousins and there's not been a girl born in the family in about 30 years, his brother has 4 boys.

Needless to say I feel the pressure is ON to make a girl, we're team yellow so that has kept family off my back and if anyone mentions the baby I say we think it's a boy, I feel like I'm trying to break the news to them that it's a boy slowly, so by the time it pops out and is a boy they've gotten used to another one.

Silly really, but I know how you feel, it's so much pressure (especially when we have no control over the gender)


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## SaraVO

LillyFleur said:


> :hugs:
> 
> My DH family is all boys, he has mostly boy cousins and there's not been a girl born in the family in about 30 years, his brother has 4 boys.
> 
> Needless to say I feel the pressure is ON to make a girl, we're team yellow so that has kept family off my back and if anyone mentions the baby I say we think it's a boy, I feel like I'm trying to break the news to them that it's a boy slowly, so by the time it pops out and is a boy they've gotten used to another one.
> 
> Silly really, but I know how you feel, it's so much pressure (especially when we have no control over the gender)

Thanks it's ridiculous I was talking to my sil yesterday giving her an update and what not and she asked when we were going to tell their dad. I said I'm leaving it up to my husband and she said that we should wait for the gender and that her father has been talking about my husband's marriage and how excited he is for a grandson. 

I hate that this is on my mind and that he is so public with it. All of the relatives know that he wants a namesake and how he will feel about a girl. My family does not share their opinions so freely. It is such a hard thing for me to get used to. I hope you get your girl.... if that is what you want. But, dang it it's the father's bits that decide so why are we held accountable?


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## SaraVO

So far my cousin, sister, best Friend, two aunts and both of our mother's are thinking girl. Even my husband looked up from the cradle he is making and asked if the etching design would still be okay for a girl. It seems that everyone in my life is convinced were having a girl. My mother in law even called to say there were cute girl things on sale she had to buy she said she's keeping b tags on but her husband. (Not my husband's dad) talked her into it. Even he thinks it's a girl. I don't know what everyone is drinking. Even my best friend told me to stop saying he so much and I was going to hurt her feelings.. :wacko: 

I think they are going to drown out the other family members. And who knows. When my portuguese aunties say they had a dream we tend to believe them. I'm feeling pretty good the last few days. A girl is going to be amazing.


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## SaraVO

Thought I'd give an update. We are most definitely having a BOY!!


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## Misscalais

Congratulations hun.


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## k4th

Congratulations. Have you let people know? Hope everyone is happy for you :)


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## SaraVO

Yes we have told everyone I finally posted to facebook yesterday and told my coworkers. I'm ready to buy very cute things and couldn't be more excited. We are actually having a boy kinda feel like we won the lottery....


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## SaraVO

So three weeks later. Little man is doing flips and it feels like he dances around to jazz music, just jazz. My mom told my husband to have the cradle done by my shower February 7th. So he has gone into overdrive and spending so much time on it. Part of me feels like he is nesting too. Just with wood and a jigsaw.... but my fears about the in laws were for nothing. My husband called his dad as soon as we found out that he is a boy and we haven't heard one word from any of them. His crazy social media step family haven't even liked my facebook post. So apparently even with a son they don't care about us at all. Maybe I'm hormonal but it makes me mad. What on earth is wrong with people? Not bothering to acknowledge our baby at all when you're supposed to be family? I think I'm hormonal but I want to yell at them and tell them they're being mean.


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## k4th

They are being mean. 

But at least they aren't unleashing *crazy* on you!! 

Enjoy your last few moths of pregnancy & your lovely hubby nesting with you. Don't let them have any of your energy.


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## SaraVO

k4th said:


> They are being mean.
> 
> But at least they aren't unleashing *crazy* on you!!
> 
> Enjoy your last few moths of pregnancy & your lovely hubby nesting with you. Don't let them have any of your energy.

I just thought.... something. Even my dad who has never been a very emotional or supportive guy sent me an email saying he was planning on coming up here. (Lives a thousand miles away). To meet little man. And he started texting once a week to ask how I'm feeling. But, these people. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Silence. I guess the relationship I thought was strained doesn't exist.


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## Misscalais

The only thing my mil said to me about my 3rd pregnancy was congrats. And that was it the entire pregnancy. Didn't even call after i had to have surgery at 23 weeks. We cut ties with her at 38 weeks so we've not spoken to her or DH step brothers for 18 months.
I hope you're feeling ok, doesn't feel nice to feel rejection xx


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## SaraVO

Misscalais said:


> The only thing my mil said to me about my 3rd pregnancy was congrats. And that was it the entire pregnancy. Didn't even call after i had to have surgery at 23 weeks. We cut ties with her at 38 weeks so we've not spoken to her or DH step brothers for 18 months.
> I hope you're feeling ok, doesn't feel nice to feel rejection xx

It feels like they're rejecting my little baby boy. And he feels very real to me. I swear he already has things he likes and doesn't like. Jazz music yes, my husband laughing yes. My dog putting her nose on my belly yes. Loud voices when I work no. My dog barking no. He is this little person that I feel so connected to and I'm offended as hell that my husband's family isn't paying him even the slightest bit of attention... I think it's hormonal but I still don't like it.


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## k4th

If that's their attitude then your little man will be better off without them in his life! I'm sure he will have plenty of love & attention from you & your family & he will be a happy little boy for it. :hugs:


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## Misscalais

SaraVO said:


> It feels like they're rejecting my little baby boy. And he feels very real to me. I swear he already has things he likes and doesn't like. Jazz music yes, my husband laughing yes. My dog putting her nose on my belly yes. Loud voices when I work no. My dog barking no. He is this little person that I feel so connected to and I'm offended as hell that my husband's family isn't paying him even the slightest bit of attention... I think it's hormonal but I still don't like it.

Naww he is a little person already. He is growing his personality already.
And it definitely hurts to see family reject your baby i truly know the feeling well and is one of the many reasons we have nothing to do with mil any more. Xxx


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