# Never thought I'd be posting this



## mrs_park

I guess I knew all along though I was hopeful and trying to be positive, in my heart I knew something was wrong. It took 6 days after AF before I got a bfp, and even then was very faint. My hcg levels were low, but as I have long cycles and don't know when I ovulated, I assumed that I must of ovulated a lot later than what the drs said is "normal".

My hcg levels rose last week but yesterday they had dropped again :cry: 

I've had a little bit of spotting and today am off to have an ultrasound. 

I can't believe this is happening. 

I guess all along I had kind of prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. The Dr make it sound so clinical. That is was never going to be a viable pregnancy and it was just a "cluster of cells" that wouln't have survived. But I loved that little cluster of cells :cry:

So, I will not refer to it as a blighted ovum or a miscarriage. I will call her Eden, my little angel who was too precious for this world :kiss:


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## LuckyMommyof2

I'm sorry! What did your ultrasound show? Were you able to get any information?


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## Bambola

I am so sorry honey. It is horrible that your doctor made it sound so clinical and unimportant - what a horrible bedside manner! I think there is no excuse for that.. I am thinking of you xox


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## MamaTex

I love the name you chose for your little one. Very beautiful. Sorry for your loss and sorry the doctor was so cold. Some people need a year's worth of training in communication and beside manners alone!


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## Angelbaby_01

mrs_park said:


> I guess I knew all along though I was hopeful and trying to be positive, in my heart I knew something was wrong. It took 6 days after AF before I got a bfp, and even then was very faint. My hcg levels were low, but as I have long cycles and don't know when I ovulated, I assumed that I must of ovulated a lot later than what the drs said is "normal".
> 
> My hcg levels rose last week but yesterday they had dropped again :cry:
> 
> I've had a little bit of spotting and today am off to have an ultrasound.
> 
> I can't believe this is happening.
> 
> I guess all along I had kind of prepared for the worst but hoped for the best. The Dr make it sound so clinical. That is was never going to be a viable pregnancy and it was just a "cluster of cells" that wouln't have survived. But I loved that little cluster of cells :cry:
> 
> So, I will not refer to it as a blighted ovum or a miscarriage. I will call her Eden, my little angel who was too precious for this world :kiss:

I love the name you have chosen. Also, when I think of the name Eden I think of peace, but also a promise.

That cluster of cells is called Jeanine in Arabic although I am not sure about the correct spelling. The spelling is my name. When I fell pregnant with my daughter I found out at 3+4 weeks. I tracked where I was in my pregnancy and told my husband about the zygote stage before forming an embrio. He was in Iraq at that stage and the one day he spoke to an Iraqe man. He asked my husband about his family etc. and then asked my name. So my husband said Jeanine. So this man said that it means zygote in arabic. After this it meant a lot to me as I would refer to my baby as little Jeanine. 

To me it is not a bunch of cells. To me it is a little human forming and the little heart is developing which is the most crucial part of the body to make life come true. Doctors can be harsh and as matter of fact. I am so sorry that he treated you like this, but you have the right to be sad about your little one and grieve about him/her. It is a baby.

:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am so sorry . Thinking of you ..XOXOOXOXOX


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## Lawes1987

Im currently miscarrying at 11+4 weeks. Im sorry for your loss honey x


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## mrs_park

Thank you so much for all of your support ladies :hugs:

My scan showed nothing in my tubes or overies (that was the best outcome I could have hoped for I guess) and only showed a thickening of the uterine wall. So no sack or no baby? I should have been 8 weeks. That was weird I thought :shrug:

So surreal having the scan thinking last time I was doing this I was looking at my little son and heard his heartbeat. It felt so wrong to be there looking for the remants of a baby that I will never hold :cry:

Bleeding has gotten heavier now :cry:

Does anyone know if I need to go and have the anti d injection (I am a negative blood type). My stupid GP "didn't think so" but I don't feel 100% convinced...


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## Starry Night

I don't know about the shot. Just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this. :hugs::hugs:


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