# Absolutely pooping my pants.



## modified

Well.. as of this evening, I am going it alone... my baby isn't even here yet and I'm scared. I don't have a job... good thing my mum is living with "us" just now or I'd be royally screwed in a private rented flat with no income... 

Tell me this is possible.. please? I'm only 24 (25 tomorrow)... the only people I had were my husband and my mum. Now I only have my mum. She's currently in hospital having her broken arm operated on..


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## Foogirl

it's totally do able. And you will do it. if it's any consolation, I felt the same and I'm not single! My sister was in a similar situation at your age and certainly with Mum on hand to help out she coped just fine. It will be scary and amazing and sad and happy and tough and fun, all at the same time. She now has the most caring, gentle, amazing teenage boy. She often comments she thinks it would actually have been harder to halve the responsibility. She never had to argue with LO's dad about how things were to be done or when to do them, everything was her way. Many mums will envy that!

ps....happy birthday!


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## moomin_troll

Happy birthday! 
And yes u can do this alone. Luckily there is a benefit system for people who need the help. 
There's lots of single mummies out there, it's scary but ule be fine. 
Is ur ex willing to help and still be a father? Because that will help a lot if he's a decent person


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## Lauraxamy

Of course you can do it Hun. :hugs: You'll be fine. Will your Mum help you out as much as possible? It's always good to have someone who's willing to help you out a little, or just someone you can talk to.


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## Dezireey

What about a Doula? Its usually a woman whose specific role is to help and support you before, during and after birth. They are experienced and help out loads of single mums. 

I actually love being a single mum now, cant imagine ' sharing' my boy with a partner. Its just a way of life that is hard at first but then you adjust, adapt and then that becomes your new way of life.


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## moomin_troll

I had a doula, very nice woman but she actually missed my labour and while helping, she through away my placenta and a very expensive bag of my makeup. And for what u get, for me it was a waste of money. 
My mum was at my birth with my second. I had an amazing home birth, not suggesting that lol but having my mum there, for me made it a lot easier, she actually delivered Corey lol


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## teal

Happy birthday! 
You will do it because you'll need to. I was terrified at the thought of being a single mum but I promise you that everyone does work out and you'll be fine :hugs:


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## modified

Thanks, everyone. I don't have enough money to live right now and will have to go on benefits :nope: nevermind hire a doula :nope: My mum will be with me for the birth. I'm living with her and will get all the support in the world for her but it's not the same. I only have online friends who are great but no one to get out of the house with. I'm not hurt at him having left anymore - I was devastated for a couple of hours but now? I'm okay with him being gone. I am just not okay with being alone. Of having had 2 people and now only having 1. That he's rolling in money from his wealthy mum and inheritance and I'm planning a trip to the benefits office... He's since transferred £30 into my account. His child is worth £30. It makes me sick. I'm so angry.


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## moomin_troll

Seen as the baby isn't born yet, he didn't have to give u anything :/ do u not work? 
It will all work out in the end. And hopefully when ur baby is here, he will help and pay a decent amount of support


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## modified

He walked out leaving me with no electricity, no food in the house, household bills to be paid soon, £90 to my name and carrying his child. He walked away with his full wage, to a hotel his mum has paid for and will be in a house or flat his mum will have paid for soon. He will be receiving inheritance money soon and he also walked away with the money we had saved up for a deposit for a house. I don't work - a decision we had made together.

So legally, no he doesn't have to give me anything. But morally? Well.. :shrug:


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## moomin_troll

Unfortunately not everyone has morals, and he seems to be one of them. 
I can't comment on the relationship obviously, but maybe there's good reason he left so abruptly. 
I would just try and focus on ur life now, sorting out money like lookin for work or making that benefit appointment. There's no point wasting ur energy being bitter right now. Ur goin to be a mum and that's fantastic! 
Believe me I know how scary it is to be pregnant and then suddenly alone, I also had a two yr old at the time. 
Depending who the bills names are under he may have to legally help with this. 
I'm not sure how legal aid works, but look into it. You should be granted money in the divorce.
Also seen as his name is on the lease u can take him to small claims for the remainder of the lease or atleast this months rent seen as it's past the 1st. 
There is always a way


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## daneuse27

First, congrats on your baby. Try to plan for the future as best you can, but without stressing too much. Yes, it'll be hard, it'll be sad and there will be times where you'll want to tear your hair out- but it'll also be the most fun, amazing, and fulfilling thing you'll ever experience. 

Now I don't understand why you both 'agreed' that you would not work. That seems odd to me since you didn't already have a child together. Its none of my business- but either way, I think an important lesson has been learned here. By choosing not to work, you were relying on him to provide for you, and he didn't hold up his end of this decision. From now on, especially as a single mom, you'll be relying on yourself and only yourself. As Dezireey said, its a hard reality to get used to at first but you'll soon adjust and it'll be so much more liberating that having to depend on money from someone else's salary.

If I were you, I'd try to look into easy temp work, mystery shopping, online surveys or any little way to make money before the baby comes. Make your ex aware of how much you expect from him and hopefully you two can come to an agreement. He's legally obligated to pay child support, although not until the baby is born. Make sure you take that legal action when the time comes, if he isn't already making regular payments by then.


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## Mummy1995

I've done it alone from the beginning while going to school, working and only being 18 (fell pregnant at 16 though) :) definitely doable but it's also definitely a very scary time at the moment. Try to keep smiling. It will all fall into place when your little one arrives xx


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## Foogirl

Mummy1995 said:


> I've done it alone from the beginning while going to school, working and only being 18 (fell pregnant at 16 though) :) definitely doable but it's also definitely a very scary time at the moment. Try to keep smiling. It will all fall into place when your little one arrives xx

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

Amazing. Just amazing. :flower:


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## modified

Thank you for the words, everyone! And a big :thumbup: to the other ladies who have been doing it themselves.

I've seen my midwife and doctor today and feeling hopeful :thumbup:


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## moomin_troll

And that's all u can be. 
Being a mum is scary doing it as a couple or alone, I've done both and it's actually easier by urself for the most part. It's always nice to have u time. And by the sounds, uve for ur mum to help with that


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## blamesydney

I also fell pregnant at 16, her father dumped me the day we found out I was pregnant. I'm 18 now and I love being a mommy. Its very possible, with a little help! I wish you the best of luck. :)


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## chelsnap

So sorry you're going through this! My ex left me when I was 32 weeks pregnant and my daughter is now almost 6 months! You can do this, I promise you! It's super scary at first but you get into a routine and somehow you just know what to do and what's right for you baby. Lots of hugs to you!


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