# Eve and Megan's story xxx



## mhazzab

Well, today is my official due date. Although I never expected to get to full term with twins, the impending date has hit me hard this week. Inspired by others who have shared their story this week and previously, I thought I would write down Eve and Megans story. Here goes, sorry its so long

I found out I was pregnant on the 5th of February  we were so excited, I couldnt actually believe that the pregnancy test said Pregnant, it was amazing. Other than a lot of tiredness and an aversion to food in general, things went well over the next few weeks. A few people who we had told, said they thought I was showing at 8 weeks, and jokingly suggested twins. We were even joking about it, on the morning of the 12 week scan.

When we went in for the scan, the technician swung the wand across my stomach, and I saw what I thought was two sacks  Ill never forget her first words Well, Im just going to let you know, that I can see two babies in here. Wow! It was amazing! We were in there for about 45 minutes, and spent most of the time laughing, we couldnt believe it. We spent the rest of the day and the following weeks telling people that not only was I pregnant, but we were having two. It was an amazing feeling that I will never forget  I was so lucky to be blessed with twins! At the 12 and 20 weeks scan, both babies looked happy and healthy, and by the time I got to 23 weeks, my stomach had grown a fair bit, I was so proud of it. Everything was going so well  pregnancy seemed to agree with me.

On the 17th June, I started noticing some glob-like discharge (sorry if TMI), and had a little bit of backache, it continued the next day, so I phoned the labour suite, as it was the weekend. The woman I spoke to, was pretty horrible, and made me feel stupid for calling. The next day, there was a tiny bit of blood in the discharge, and something just didnt feel right, so I called again, and they suggested I came in.

After talking with the doctor and going over my history, I was given an internal exam, and not long after, I started feeling these intense pains. These were my first children, so I never knew they were contractions. I was given diamorphine, which made me feel really dizzy at first, and it was at that point, they decided to send in the doctor from paediatrics who told us how grave the situation was for our twins if the contractions continued, and asked us to decide what we wanted to be done should they be born. We didnt really know what to say, and my head was spinning from the drugs so we asked them to try and save them babies. I dont know whether that was the right decision or not, but I dont regret it. 

I was in so much pain, they did another internal exam, and said I was fully dilated, and I was rushed to the labour suitI was screaming and in hysterics, I was so scared, so was my OH. After a couple of hours more of contractions, the waters burst from twin 1  they actually exploded and hit the wall opposite  I thought maybe the baby had been born, I had no idea what had happened. After that  nothing. They kept me in the labour suite for a few hours until 8am, but there was no sign of anything happening, so I was taken back to a private room.

I spent the next day in a daze  we were told that the situation didnt look good, but if we could get through the next 24 hours without anything happening, that was the best we could hope for. For a few hours, we started to get our hopes up that things would work out, but once again, the backache started and after a few hours, we were back in the labour suite. Again we didnt know what was happening, but about 12 hours after the contractions started, my first twin was born, they rushed her over to the side of the room to work on her. I was so tired after two days without sleep and kept drifting in and out of consciousness but I remember the doctor telling us that the baby had died before being born, and it was a girl. There was no time to take this in, as soon I could feel my second twin coming, it didnt take long to push her out. We could see they were working on the baby for longer this time, OH called a midwife over, who said the baby had been born alive this time. They worked on her for 11 minutes, but she was just too weak. While they were trying to save her, I remember looking over to twin 1, who was just lying there alone. I could see her dark hair. They hadnt told us the sex yet of twin 2. The midwife put both babies into a little carrier, and brought them over to me. I didnt want to see them, I wasnt ready, but there they were on my stomach. She said they were both girls. I have this picture of them burned into my head of how they looked, lying next to each other so perfect.

The next few hours were a daze, we were both exhausted and so upset at what had happened, and just lay down and fell asleep. When we woke up, we spoke about what to call our girls. I still hadnt cried yet, I was in shock. We hadnt really come up with much of a list yet of names, plus, I was convinced we were having boys. We just picked our two favourite names from the list. We had always intended to use their grandparents names for middle names, and we couldnt bear not to do it, just because they died, so twin 1, the bigger of the two, became Eve Hazel, and twin 2, Megan Anne.

The last 17 weeks have been the worst in my life, Ive never known so much pain. But Im so grateful for you ladies, you have helped me through this and I am eternally grateful. 

If you got this far  thank you for reading.

In memory of Eve and Megan, on their official due date. Mummy loves you. xxxxx


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## Sarah27

Big hugs on your due date.. And what lovely names for two little angels..Its a hard journey but take it one day at a time, don't expect too much. Thank you for sharing your story xxx


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## winterwonder

Sending lots of hugs your way. I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girls, thank you for telling us their story.xxx


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## Andypanda6570

Mhairi :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
I am so deeply sorry, I can't imagine loosing two babies, i don't know if I could have handled that :cry::cry: Thank you so very much for telling your story. I wanted to know but didn't want to ask, i knew you would share it when you were ready. You have been through so much :cry: it is so hard but I do hope the days get better with time. I feel like time is all we have, really. :cry:
It has been 7 months since I lost Ava and I go in and out of my grief. Last night I started thinking about being pregnant and I thought of Ava and just cried/ I will never understand why we need to go through this, it doesn't make sense, it is way to much suffering :cry::cry::cry::cry: You are such a nice and warm person and I am so happy to call you my friend.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I am always here for you no matter what any time of the day (We are 5 hours difference :haha:) If you ever need to talk or vent or reminisce or cry ..
Thinking of you and sweet Eve and Megan on this special day..
I am just so sorry :cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:XOXOXOXOOX Andrea


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## MummyStobe

Sending big hugs to you hun. xx


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## KamIAm

What a beautiful story of love and amazing strength...:flower:

I am terribly sorry you and your family has went thru that... I hate it actually!:hugs: 

I didn't realize TODAY is your due date hon'.....to think all those beautiful candles being lit today, remembering and honoring the lil ones.... I will be thinking and sending loves to you and your girls'...

psst, i have to say, I absolutely LOVE their names! AND Lil Megan even has MY middle name, correct spelling and all&#9829; :hugs: :flower: :hugs:


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## SarahJane

Such a sad story of 2 perfect little girls :cry:

I am so sorry your girls didn't stay with you. Thank you for being strong enough to share them with us 

Loads of love and hugs :hugs:


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## Hellylou

Oh that is just heartbreaking...I am so very sorry.:cry: This took a lot of courage to share the story of your girls on such a difficult day. Sending you as much love and hugs as I can. :hugs:

What a terrible shock, for it to happen the way it did, so suddenly and inexplicably. There is truly no rhyme or reason to it, it's just tragic.

Thinking of you, and your beautiful girls today :hugs:


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## daopdesign

Sorry for you loss :hugs: Thank u for sharing this xxx


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## Cassie10

Thank you for sharing your story! :hugs: Lots of hugs to you hun...


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## Nikki_d72

Thank you so much for sharing your girls story with us, well done on being able to write it all out, especially on your due date. I so hate that this has happened to you, to any of us but it's nice to honour them by telling their story, I feel. It's quite special that all of those candles were lit on thier special day, and will be every year, I hope that brings you some tiny comfort. Your story is heartbraking.

I'm so glad you got to celebrate the twins while they were still with you, I never had mine confirmed till they were in trouble and I deeply regret that we never got to celebrate them and proudly tell people we were expecting two, I'll always regret not having that 12 week scan.

Huge hugs to you and floaty kisses to your gorgeous girls. xxx


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## luckybreak

:cry: I am so sorry for your loss :( thank you for sharing your story. :hug:


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## collie_crazy

Thank you for giving us all the honour of sharing in your beautiful girls story :flower: I'm glad you felt strong enough to do so. Your strength and love for your girls is so apparent - I am sure they know how much they were wanted and how much they will always be loved :hug:

Seeing all the candles in the wave of light both on here and on facebook last night brought some sense of comfort to me and I hope it did to you as well. Your girls due date is so special to so many people - every year they will have hundreds of candles lit up all over the world for them :hugs:


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## yazoo

Thank you so much for sharing Eve & Megan's story. Its tragic that things were going brilliantly and then started to go wrong. I hope their due date didn't go too badly for you. We are all here for you. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hi ...

Just thinking about ya.... How was your day yesterday?? Hope it treated you well :flower:

:hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

thank you so much everyone for your kind messages. 

I actually thought I had shared their story before...I didn't realise I had just written pieces of it here and there, so sorry it took me so long! It actually felt good to write it all down, there were tears, but there was also some smiling :) I don't mind talking about it, so if anyone ever wants to ask anything, feel free.

I love the thought that every year on their due date, they will be honoured across the world, that's beautiful. I don't know about everyone else, but I felt so...I'm not sure how to describe it....but I just had such an amazing feeling when I saw all your photos and messages on here, photos on facebook, and my RL friends were sending me messages saying they had lit candles for my girls and all the other angels. 

I had been sad that people had forgotten them already, but I guess sometimes people find it hard to put into words in person that they still care - all it took was a couple of lines from me on FB and there were lots of people telling me they missed them, I was so touched.

thank you for being such great friends to me xxx


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## Cassie10

I know exactly what you mean... I had just a feeling of warmth and comfort which I haven't felt in a long long time.


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## rachyh1990

so sorry for your loss hun. xxx thank you for sharing your story xx


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## collie_crazy

Oh I agree - it was strangely comforting seeing all those pictures but more than that it was a strange almost sense of belonging that I felt. I dont know, since losing Emily I have felt like I have changed so much that the world around me is no longer the same and yet others were carrying on with their normal lives and I felt like I didn't belong in that world anymore. But last night seeing those candles... made me realise that I am not alone, I do belong, just in a slightly different way than before. 

Does that make sense? I'm not sure it does. 

:hugs:


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## Vickieh1981

I am so sorry for your loss. It's so unfair to have to go through the loss of your little one and two is just heartbreaking :(

Fly high girlies!! xx


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## KamIAm

Hi Girls ...:flower:

I completely understand what you mentioned above Collie ~ Strange how life just breezes by and we are left just standing here, stunned... trying to figure out life, how to live... This completely flips you upside down and changes every aspect in your very being.... Just the normal daily life and thoughts are forever changed ....

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## AJC

:hugs: xx


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## LauraLoo1612

Thank you for sharing your story of your beautiful angels. What beautiful names too. I'm sooo sooo sorry for your loss.


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## DueSeptember

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jesz9

So very sorry for your losses hun *huge hugs* You are a very strong woman *hugs*


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## skyraaa

im so sorry hun xxx:hugs::hugs:


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## Mummy of Ange

Aww hun that was a very tearful read for me because the same thing happend to me on Christmas Day last year. Its coming up to a year since that dreaded day and im not looking forward to it one bit.

I was carrying identical boys and went to the hospital a week before with horrific pains (which i now know where contractions) and slight bleeding, i was sent home 3 times and told the bleeding was thrush and the pains were pressure pains from carrying twins. But at 23 weeks i looked full term. We had our routine scan on Christmas Eve and all was fine, i was still loosing bits of blood but told no reason for concern. We went to bed and at 4am Christmas morning i woke up to the toilet, the minute i stood up my waters went followed by lots of blood. We drove to the hospital so fast, but by the time i got there i was fully dilated. 

Both twins were born naturally alive but died an hour later. i will never forgot the pain as long as i live. They were absolutely gorgeous and they were mine, but had been taken away from me. I had to have a blood tranfusion later that day and was monitored ntil 12.30am boxing day when i was sent home. I will never forgot walking back in that house with no bump and no babies, it was the worst moment of my life. 

Sorry to waffle on hun, i just wanted you to know that i really feel for you. Im 12 weeks pregnant tomorrow and its not been easy, i miscarried in June and again in July they told me my body wasnt ready for another pregnancy after the twins, but all is going well so far.

If you ever need to chat, message me. Take care hun xxx


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## mojobear

I am so sorry for your loss x


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## katie21188

Mhairi, I have tears from reading your story :cry:
Xoxo :hugs:


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## Sweedot

so sorry for your tragic loss and congratulations on your "rainbow" baby!


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## duckytwins

I'm so sorry about your baby girls. It's so unfair that this has to happen. Thank you for being there for me since we lost our little girl. I wish you peace and happiness this holiday and in the upcoming year. Take care of yourself. 

Lots of love, 
Jes


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## kgriffin

thank you for sharing your story


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## Sunshine baby

Your story has me in tears. I don't know what to say. I think it's so brave of you to share your story. I hope a lot of happiness comes your way soon. You seem like such a lovely kind person. You replied to one of my threads and you seem so compassionate and caring. The names you chose are beautiful.


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## mhazzab

Sunshine baby said:


> Your story has me in tears. I don't know what to say. I think it's so brave of you to share your story. I hope a lot of happiness comes your way soon. You seem like such a lovely kind person. You replied to one of my threads and you seem so compassionate and caring. The names you chose are beautiful.

thank you so much, this means a lot to me x


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## SabrinaKat

I'm so sorry, honey -- I hope that you were able to smile a little today and know that you are not alone in your grief....

thinking of you and the girls with a prayer....

best wishes


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## Sunshine baby

When I read this first time it broke my heart. I read it again today. DH and I found out this morning at our 12 wk scan that our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I feel devastated and rereading this story is even more heartbreaking because I understand it in the context of my own experience. I wanted to read this again because first time I read it I remember thinking how brave you were. I guess I'm just looking for a little of your bravery too. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to see your babies, to hold them. Today, as the technician swung the wand over my belly and stayed quiet for a long time I felt my heart sinking and when she said, it's not good news my world just crashed.

I'm sorry but I just felt like I wanted to tell you, because you were so kind to me before. I'm back at work tomorrow, I don't know how I'm going to hold it together.


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## mhazzab

Sunshine baby said:


> When I read this first time it broke my heart. I read it again today. DH and I found out this morning at our 12 wk scan that our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. I feel devastated and rereading this story is even more heartbreaking because I understand it in the context of my own experience. I wanted to read this again because first time I read it I remember thinking how brave you were. I guess I'm just looking for a little of your bravery too. I can't imagine what it must have felt like to see your babies, to hold them. Today, as the technician swung the wand over my belly and stayed quiet for a long time I felt my heart sinking and when she said, it's not good news my world just crashed.
> 
> I'm sorry but I just felt like I wanted to tell you, because you were so kind to me before. I'm back at work tomorrow, I don't know how I'm going to hold it together.

I just read your update a while ago in the original thread where we first spoke, and sent you a PM. I was so so sorry to hear what has happened, my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sad you have had to re-read this from another perspective. please get in touch I am here for you if you need support. 
Lastly...if you can stay away from work tomorrow I would advise it...your emotional wellbeing is far more important than any job...take some time to come to terms with what has happened. x


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## leahtaba

:hugs: i just happened across this post and couldn't possibly read and run as it such a touching, sad story. you are so strong and i wish you all the future happiness in the world. rest in peace to your beautiful angels xxxx


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## mhazzab

leahtaba said:


> :hugs: i just happened across this post and couldn't possibly read and run as it such a touching, sad story. you are so strong and i wish you all the future happiness in the world. rest in peace to your beautiful angels xxxx

Thank you for leaving such a sweet message, it means a lot to me x


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## Mellie1988

Sending :hugs: to you and your little angels 


x x x x


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## mummylove

Your story is so touching thank u for sharing. Ive never had to go through something like this as my MCs av been in first tri. I cant imagine how it must feel. u seem a strong woman.Good luck to the future and i see your pregnant again congrats hunny


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## LeoLeah77

This story brought me to tears. :( I'm so sorry to hear your loss and wish you all the best luck in the future, you deserve it. X x x x x


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## duckytwins

I know the girls' first angelversary was last week. We were away, but I wanted to stop in and tell you I'm thinking about you. I hope you are doing well. :hugs:


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## mhazzab

duckytwins said:


> I know the girls' first angelversary was last week. We were away, but I wanted to stop in and tell you I'm thinking about you. I hope you are doing well. :hugs:

Thank you so much for thinking of us, I'm touched. :hugs:

The day was hard but we got through it. Their little brother or sister is due tomorrow so I hope they like their present!

How are you getting on? I see you are having a rainbow too! Soo happy for you xxx


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