# Has your husband/boyfriend changed since you are pregnant?



## hongkongchick

Some of us are lucky to have husbands that are very caring and nurturing, but some of us aren't. I think men are immature in nature and most of my mommy friends said that their husbands were complete idiots before they became dads. Is yours like that too? Has he changed for the better or worse?


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## wish4baby

There was a huge adjustment for him when I was pregnant with my first! I remember fighting like crazy because he'd invite his guy friends over almost every night, and they'd drink and smoke and stay up really late. I'd just be in our bedroom alone, watching tv and it drove me nuts! (Looking back, I probably should of been happy he was staying home lol, but I hated that I couldn't be drinking and partying with them and I wanted him to hang out with me - I was 18 when I got pregnant).
He didn't really change until after the baby was here, but there was definitely a change for the better! I couldn't of kept on like that :)


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## littlesteph

my hubby is immature most of the time and a complete idiot, but that being said it wouldn't be him if he wasn't. his immaturity actually makes me laugh some of the time. He has a sense of humour most people would find a little offensive. But I still wouldn't change him, he makes me laugh, he's caring when he know he really has to be.


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## mara16jade

For the better! But that *might* be because we had such a rough start to this pregnancy. I was classified "threatened miscarriage" for ALL of 1st tri (I don't think I am anymore?) due to massive bleeds because I have a hemorrhage.

Ever since the first bleed at 5w2d my DH has been the most helpful and caring man. He saw how hard I was taking it that my body was "failing" at what it was supposed to do, and he just showed me over and over again how much he loved me. Sounds mushy and lovey-dovey, but until you are repeatedly rushing to urgent care and being scanned over and over again - maybe some men don't see the seriousness of it all. Who knows, maybe he would have been different if I was completely problem free? lol But he's been a great partner through it all.


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## azure girl

Mine is definitely nicer, and he was pretty sweet before. :) He got frustrated with me for lifting a case of water that weighed 35 lbs while he was at work, he said I should have left it in the car for him to get. Yesterday I took an overnight trip to visit my mother and I had to use the restroom before I left, he loaded my things in my jeep and even started it so I would be warm! I am glad he is so sweet , it really helps.


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## AC1987

Yes he's changed... some for the better other for the worse, he apparently never wanted kids but failed to mention that to me til DD was almost a year old :shrug: Hes really immature about pregnancy and pretty much ignores me through it all.. I admit I am pretty whiney while pregnant. He is a great dad to our DD, but during pregnancy isn't that great :dohh:


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## sojourn

I feel like my husband didn't change, and I expected him to. 
I somehow expected that he would be more serious, attuned to my needs and more compassionate.
That's just not him! He's a scientist, so he's very matter-of-fact. Emotional needs are foreign to him, and he's working on it, but it didn't magically change when I became pregnant. He's always liked that I'm really independent and can do anything for and by myself, so he didn't really think I would need/want him to help with things that I usually do alone. 

As far as changing goes, I think I have changed a lot more. I am less reactionary and I have come to understand the weird ways that he does show me he loves me. When he's joking and teasing, he is just being silly and that means he's comfortable and happy with me. When he does things for me that I don't even notice, it's because he knows that there's some part of the task I don't like but he doesn't tell me about it so I don't feel like he's treating me like I'm incompetent. 

So, I feel like he's changed, but it's really my reaction to the ways he's always been. I am glad. We had a ROUGH start to pregnancy. We fought constantly, threatened to split up. He even left me on the side of the road one time when we were fighting in the car and I told him to drive more safely or I would walk. It was NOT good. I think once I started trying really, really hard to understand where he was coming from, and ask him questions about things that he was doing that bothered me (instead of just fussing at him), then I learned quickly how to handle things with him a little better. I have felt better and happier in the last month or so, than I have since I got pregnant. I hope it works that way for you. Maybe ya'll just have to work out the kinks.


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## bluejen

I think it depends on age and maturity ( I know you can get mature 21 year olds and 40 year old big kids) We met when we were 26, married at 28 and had 1st baby at 29. I think we were old enough to have had our immature moments behind us. Hubby is level headed sensible guy, he's sweet and charming and thoughtful. He has his faults (as do I !) but I think the biggest changes we both made were when we met each other. We enjoyed wild nights out etc and just met at the right time to 'settle down'. I think I've made us sound pretty boring there but I love my life, so that's fine with me! :)


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## Bex84

My dh has been really caring through this pregnancy and last. I have had hyperemesis both times, last pregnancy was hospitalised twice and he really helps with cleaning, cooking, looking after lo, I so appreciate it as usually I would have house clean, food on table when he gets home and obviously looking after lo. I feel very lucky, especially since lo has been really good while I have felt like crap


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## chulie

GREAT question......my DH was always a nurturing type...never one to go out and party or get wild (that was me! hahaha) he was a homebody....but really friggen lazy...I did everything around the house but it was just him and I so I didn't really have an issue with that. I liked cleaning and keeping things tidy....

Once I got pregnant though....I definitely saw a more "mature" side to him. My DH can also be slightly immature and goofy...hahaa...but I saw him start to help more around the house...I saw him take more pride in things and worry about stuff our daughter would be using....He also hated when I'd carry the laundry basket downstairs or lift heavy things....he'd worry about me driving or slipping when I was pregnant.....once dd was here...I saw how much patience he had for her......I really got to see a new side to him that I knew was there because he's such a good man...but seeing your husband hold your child and see the love in HIS eyes for her....it's pretty amazing. It also made me A LOT more tolerant of the little crap he does....and just made me appreciate him SO much more because he's such an amazing, loving dad......with #2 he's just stepped up even more.....yes we have days I want to kill him for being thoughtless....but...I think when you become parents you just see your partner in such a different light....you appreciate so much more about them and they about you that the petty, annoying things can be tolerated.....


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## hardd2011

My husband wanted to go out to clubs and have sex. He won't even ask to go anywhere anymore as his friends won't either. They know I am not having it. As for sex since his previous relationship she wanted sex all the time and I been opposite. I been in pain and I finally yelled at him saying that if you had 10 lbs extra on you and heartburn galore and a baby's head pushing down and don't feeling sexy at all you would not be asking.


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## caitlenc

My husband has always been sweet and supportive...he has great respect for pregnancy and for what women have to go through. This pregnancy was an IVF one, and I think seeing me give myself injections, and constantly going to the doctor gave him an even deeper understanding of how hard this can be on a woman. We also had a twin miscarriage during the first trimester of this pregnancy, so that was difficult. He gets frustrated with me because I like to do things myself and be in control, and he thinks I should take it easy and that I overdo it. That being said, he still has male "moments" where he just doesn't totally understand how physically uncomfortable I can get. I think that's the nature of the beast, though. Even the most sensitive man (or woman, for that matter) will have trouble fully understanding what it is to be pregnant having never experienced it themselves. I am lucky, though, and I know it. I tell him every day how much I appreciate his support. Many men just don't step up the way they should, unfortunately.


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## hongkongchick

bluejen said:


> I think it depends on age and maturity ( I know you can get mature 21 year olds and 40 year old big kids) We met when we were 26, married at 28 and had 1st baby at 29. I think we were old enough to have had our immature moments behind us. Hubby is level headed sensible guy, he's sweet and charming and thoughtful. He has his faults (as do I !) but I think the biggest changes we both made were when we met each other. We enjoyed wild nights out etc and just met at the right time to 'settle down'. I think I've made us sound pretty boring there but I love my life, so that's fine with me! :)

haha i wish it is the same, but my husband and i met when he was only 19 and i was 21, we married 5 years ago and i am now 34. funny thing is we are NOT the going clubbing kinda people, never were, and we are both very independent and responsible, but i think because our upbringing are so different that most of our fights (or more like my nagging) come from that.


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## hongkongchick

sojourn said:


> He's a scientist, so he's very matter-of-fact. Emotional needs are foreign to him
> 
> He's always liked that I'm really independent and can do anything for and by myself, so he didn't really think I would need/want him to help with things that I usually do alone.

I guess the more logical the guy is, the less considerate he is. hahaha that made me think of Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory lol

i am just like you, i am independent and always did things myself (his friends are so amazed at what i do and what he doesn't do that they are surprised i married hubby lol) so maybe that's why my hubby also doesn't see the need to be more caring and do things for me?! but i still think it is because he was raised so differently than i was....


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## hongkongchick

chulie said:


> GREAT question......my DH was always a nurturing type...never one to go out and party or get wild (that was me! hahaha) he was a homebody....but really friggen lazy...I did everything around the house but it was just him and I so I didn't really have an issue with that. I liked cleaning and keeping things tidy....
> 
> Once I got pregnant though....I definitely saw a more "mature" side to him. My DH can also be slightly immature and goofy...hahaa...but I saw him start to help more around the house...I saw him take more pride in things and worry about stuff our daughter would be using....He also hated when I'd carry the laundry basket downstairs or lift heavy things....he'd worry about me driving or slipping when I was pregnant.....once dd was here...I saw how much patience he had for her......I really got to see a new side to him that I knew was there because he's such a good man...but seeing your husband hold your child and see the love in HIS eyes for her....it's pretty amazing. It also made me A LOT more tolerant of the little crap he does....and just made me appreciate him SO much more because he's such an amazing, loving dad......with #2 he's just stepped up even more.....yes we have days I want to kill him for being thoughtless....but...I think when you become parents you just see your partner in such a different light....you appreciate so much more about them and they about you that the petty, annoying things can be tolerated.....


LOL i too think hubby is friggin lazy, i also did everything around the house, putting food on the table when he comes home and since it was just the two of us, it didn't bother me too much (though sometimes it really is annoying that he would not help out one bit) 

but then here is where difference starts. once we found out i am pregnant which is around christmas last year, he really hasn't shown much difference. he still wants me to do everything around the house (even though i have been just so exhausted and i was sick for two weeks) and he has still been glued to his PC games everyday (i am not kidding, it really is EVERYDAY). 

I know that i am getting more emotional because i am pregnant but i have always been a calm and reasonable person so i still try to be as reasonable as possible when dealing with him. but i cannot believe that he wont even put two dirty plates in the dishwasher. and he would just dump food in the sink but not use the garbage disposal. 

when the shower curtain rod fell, he didn't put it back up, i did. when the towel rod fell, he never said a word or put it back up. I did after it lying there for two weeks. he said he "thought" it broke, or i was doing something with it, and he knew i could fix it. seriously that's what he said. i know i could fix it and won't affect me or baby but he doesn't even offer to do it or even ask why the rod is sitting on the ground?! i mean that to me, is what drives me nuts about him.


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## sojourn

hongkongchick said:


> sojourn said:
> 
> 
> He's a scientist, so he's very matter-of-fact. Emotional needs are foreign to him
> 
> He's always liked that I'm really independent and can do anything for and by myself, so he didn't really think I would need/want him to help with things that I usually do alone.
> 
> I guess the more logical the guy is, the less considerate he is. hahaha that made me think of Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory lol
> 
> i am just like you, i am independent and always did things myself (his friends are so amazed at what i do and what he doesn't do that they are surprised i married hubby lol) so maybe that's why my hubby also doesn't see the need to be more caring and do things for me?! but i still think it is because he was raised so differently than i was....Click to expand...

That is really tough. We were raised really differently too. I am the one who has a higher tolerance for mess/discord. I will leave things until the last minute and clean up a mess later rather than sooner. It drives him insane. He absolutely cannot leave something undone. Like your shower curtain rod, that would have been fixed immediately. He might be annoyed that I didn't do something, but he will (in the end) do it. I was raised that if something bothers you, you calmly discuss it with someone and find a solution. He just does it and then gets angry at me. We've worked on that a lot though.

I think part of it is that we both have a really incredible amount of respect for each other. He is a dedicated husband and a work horse. I try to be really patient about the house stuff, because I know he works extremely hard (80+hours a week) and he just wants to come home to something reasonably comfortable. I can't get upset at him when he doesn't do something the way I want, because I know he is working his ass off to take care of me and our impending spawn. 

Clearly it's a different situation. I would be annoyed as hell if my husband played video games and didn't clean up after himself.


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## hongkongchick

sojourn said:


> That is really tough. We were raised really differently too. I am the one who has a higher tolerance for mess/discord. I will leave things until the last minute and clean up a mess later rather than sooner. It drives him insane. He absolutely cannot leave something undone. Like your shower curtain rod, that would have been fixed immediately. He might be annoyed that I didn't do something, but he will (in the end) do it. I was raised that if something bothers you, you calmly discuss it with someone and find a solution. He just does it and then gets angry at me. We've worked on that a lot though.
> 
> I think part of it is that we both have a really incredible amount of respect for each other. He is a dedicated husband and a work horse. I try to be really patient about the house stuff, because I know he works extremely hard (80+hours a week) and he just wants to come home to something reasonably comfortable. I can't get upset at him when he doesn't do something the way I want, because I know he is working his ass off to take care of me and our impending spawn.
> 
> Clearly it's a different situation. I would be annoyed as hell if my husband played video games and didn't clean up after himself.


haha i have relaxed quite a bit on the mess tolerance, but you know what's funny? he is usually the one who gets annoyed if (god forbid) the trash is full and i didnt take it out, or if dishes pile up. but hello? he isnt the one who does dishes and he doesnt pick up after himself, why should he get annoyed? 

80 hours a week? good lord! heck, mine doesnt work that much yet he expects the 1950's home life?! his argument/excuse is "i work all week". 

you are right, if something bothers you, you can discuss with your partner and find a solution, i agree that would be best, but mine uses his worked all week excuse pretty much for everything. 

like i renovated the whole house, he helped maybe 10%, and i asked why wouldn't he help, he said he worked all week so renovation isn't what he wants to do during his time off, plus, i do it so well that he should just let me do it instead of messing it up. hahahahahaha 

i normally let it go, i let alot go, but since i become pregnant, these things keep popping up and making me very upset, though i still hold my tongue so i don't seem like the nagging witch, but it eats at me. that's why i posted this thread, maybe having a child does change a man?!


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## chulie

My hubby still does things that drive me bonkers...all I can say is "how" you approach the subject is really important....Like...my DH used to say he'd tidy up after eating..but his tidy up was put stuff in the sink...even if the dishwasher is empty!!! So one day while we we were sitting quietly watching tv...I was rubbing his shoulders and I said "Hunny...do you mind if I tell you something that kinda drives me nuts...it's not a big thing but...I really want it to change"....and then I said "when the dishwasher is empty can you please put the dirty dishes in there instead of on the counter.....kinda makes me nuts a bit?" hahahaha...

So things like..the curtain rod and whatnot....yeah THAT would drive me nuts....because it's not my house...is OUR HOME and he should be just as involved.....so if I were you I'd be doing something like...make a nice dinner and then sit down with him and calmly explain things need to change...SURE they're gonna forget now and then....and need reminding...but even if they do it 1 every 5 times....I'm happy!hahaha..


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## kaylamariee

My hubby was pretty considerate and mature before we had our first daughter but when I was pregnant and after we had her he became even more so!
Now I'm pregnant again and he's very thoughtful.. I love him so much<3
If I'm tired he takes care of our daughter so I can take a nap and so many more little things that make me love him even more


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## I Love Lucy

My DH was really great when I was pregnant with DS. He would get up and go get whatever I was craving regardless of the time of the day, would run baths for me to relax in once he got home from work, etc. etc. 

I think he had a hard time when DS arrived. I don't think he realized just how much everything was going to change. It was like he was desperately clinging to how things used to be. He wanted to get a full night of sleep so I was doing all the night stuff alone, doing all the day stuff alone while he was working and really not getting a lot of help in the evening. Don't get me wrong, I was breastfeeding so he couldn't exactly help with the feedings and he did take care of washing all the cloth diapers but it sucked being exhausted and feeling like he wasn't because he was getting to sleep all night. The real eye opener for DH came at about 6 months when he left to go on a hunting trip for about 5 days while DS was teething I might add. I was left to do everything alone. I hated him so much for it because he just refused to give up doing something he had always done just because he had a baby. It kind of bit him in the butt though because while he was away he missed us both like crazy and he quickly realized he didn't want to be away from us again. 

This pregnancy he's been just as great, he lets me sleep in and take naps while he cares for DS. He's more hands on with everything regarding our son. He stays up half the night to care for our son should he wake while I sleep. It took some time and a huge fight but I couldn't be happier.


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## hongkongchick

chulie said:


> So things like..the curtain rod and whatnot....yeah THAT would drive me nuts....because it's not my house...is OUR HOME and he should be just as involved.....so if I were you I'd be doing something like...make a nice dinner and then sit down with him and calmly explain things need to change...SURE they're gonna forget now and then....and need reminding...but even if they do it 1 every 5 times....I'm happy!hahaha..

haha 1 in 5 haha true, at least i could get 1!!! 

me and hubby have been together almost 13 years now. been married for 5. it isn't the first time i've had to talk to him about things changing. but he seems to get better right after we "talked", then slowly back to normal. in all seriousness, unless we have had a huge fight where i cry and all, or else his changes usually don't stick.

just like he had a problem with drinking (never had one before, but developed one when i was overseas for two years, long story), and it took me about 3 years to get him to realize his drinking has to slow down or i'd walk. took lots of fights, lots of crying, even me seriously thinking of divorce.


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## Jes.shortcake

Me and my husband were both pretty wild when we met. We met in our early 20s at a hippie music festival. We've both grown and matured during our relationship. In the first 2 years we went out and partied a lot..then it started to slow down each year. I told him children weren't in the picture until we were both completely ready and calmed down. A year and a half ago we got to the point where neither of us drank or went out anymore so we started seriously discussing getting pregnant. And last February we did  

I've always done all the cleaning and he's done all the cooking. But since I've been out of work I've done both although he'll cook some nights. When I was diagnosed with HELLP and had our son at 30 weeks he did everything for a couple weeks.


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## Mushymilkfor2

I just found out I was pregnant this past Friday, and since my husband has gotten kind of annoying, haha. I'm in the very early stages of pregnancy, even my doctor said I need to wait a couple weeks before I first go in, so as of now I'm still able to do everything on my own. But he seems to think that I'm a fragile flower now, and the cat can't lay on my stomach, she's going to squish the baby. 

He also admitted to me yesterday that he's afraid to have sex with me now. He's worried that it's going to hurt me or the baby. I didn't even know what to say to him. 

He also loves playing video games, so I told him to get in as much game time as he can, because in 9 months (or less depending on how things go) he's not going to be able to play so much. So he said he's done playing video games, because he's going to be a dad, and dad's don't play video games. 

Now, sure those are good things, but I wish he would just relax a little bit.


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## hongkongchick

Mushymilkfor2 said:


> I just found out I was pregnant this past Friday, and since my husband has gotten kind of annoying, haha. I'm in the very early stages of pregnancy, even my doctor said I need to wait a couple weeks before I first go in, so as of now I'm still able to do everything on my own. But he seems to think that I'm a fragile flower now, and the cat can't lay on my stomach, she's going to squish the baby.
> 
> He also admitted to me yesterday that he's afraid to have sex with me now. He's worried that it's going to hurt me or the baby. I didn't even know what to say to him.
> 
> He also loves playing video games, so I told him to get in as much game time as he can, because in 9 months (or less depending on how things go) he's not going to be able to play so much. So he said he's done playing video games, because he's going to be a dad, and dad's don't play video games.
> 
> Now, sure those are good things, but I wish he would just relax a little bit.

your hubby is the complete opposite of mine lol 

i guess coz when i found out i was pregnant my body was already hating me, lol i could barely do anything. but my hubby thought i was this superwoman lol


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## CantHrdlyWait

Great question...

I think like some other ladies.. I've seen good changes and bad behavior. When I first found out I was pregant and got morning sickness, he was very bitchy. I didn't actually ever throw up (but was still insanely sick. Lost 8 lbs) so he admitted to me once that he thought I was "making up morning sickness" so that I didn't have to help around the house. It was infuriating. I tried to explain to him that I felt like I had the world's worst hangover for 4 months. Eventually he started to lighten up a bit, but was still complaining because I wasn't helping make dinner or do the dishes. I literally laid on the couch for the first 4 months. I was so sick. We got in a LOT of fights because he didn't feel I was pulling my weight and I had to explain to him that I was creating a human being!! 

Now that i'm showing and we know the gender, he's been a lot better. He helps carry stuff and takes out the trash and doesn't complain TOO much about it. Sometimes he gets a little whiny but it doesn't last long. He also seems to be jealous of me getting attention now that i'm pregnant. That's kind of annoying. 

He doesn't do well on minimal sleep and gets very grouchy, so i'm kind of dreading the first couple months when we are both sleep deprived!


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## Ckelley

Yes! 

He has matched me pound for pound! LOL!:haha:

(With both pregnancies):hugs:


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## hongkongchick

CantHrdlyWait said:


> Great question...
> 
> I think like some other ladies.. I've seen good changes and bad behavior. When I first found out I was pregant and got morning sickness, he was very bitchy. I didn't actually ever throw up (but was still insanely sick. Lost 8 lbs) so he admitted to me once that he thought I was "making up morning sickness" so that I didn't have to help around the house. It was infuriating. I tried to explain to him that I felt like I had the world's worst hangover for 4 months. Eventually he started to lighten up a bit, but was still complaining because I wasn't helping make dinner or do the dishes. I literally laid on the couch for the first 4 months. I was so sick. We got in a LOT of fights because he didn't feel I was pulling my weight and I had to explain to him that I was creating a human being!!
> 
> Now that i'm showing and we know the gender, he's been a lot better. He helps carry stuff and takes out the trash and doesn't complain TOO much about it. Sometimes he gets a little whiny but it doesn't last long. He also seems to be jealous of me getting attention now that i'm pregnant. That's kind of annoying.
> 
> He doesn't do well on minimal sleep and gets very grouchy, so i'm kind of dreading the first couple months when we are both sleep deprived!

LOL wow that sucks! why would we "make it up"? crazy!

my husband is the opposite, he knows i feel sick and growing a human being, but that's where it gets sad, he still doesn't help out. i think he thinks that even sick, i could still do stuff. 

my hubby is like your hubby, he doesnt do well with little sleep either and god forbid if he gets woken up in the middle of sleep, he can be very mean......

so i am with you that i am alsl dreading when the baby comes and cries during the night lol it's gonna be war! LOL


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