# Playing in the street



## lau86

Do your children play in the street? If so what age did they start and how did you transition them from to playing unsupervised? We live in a quiet close on an estate, my ds1 is 4.5 and ds2 nearly 2.5. There are children playing ranging from 5-9 and they're all nice (as far as I can tell). My ds1 wants to play. Do I say no or just stand and watch?!


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## caz_hills

My son is nearly five and personally I wouldn't let him alone. I'd watch and let him play so he is involved and see how he gets on. Five feels really young to me. Like you we live in a cul de sac and we know our neighbours well - they have kids my sons age. But I'd be very nervous about him being outside with me. x


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## Lief

My son just turned 4 and there's no way I'd let him play out without me or someone responsible watching him. He's quite good at doing what he's told and I don't think he'd wander off but it's others I don't really trust. Saying that though, there is other kids around here that have been out playing alone or with an older sibling from about 2 and they've been fine, I just find it really hard and get nervous lol. Its a tough one.


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## Banshee

Ds1 is 5 and I wouldn't let him play outside alone yet without me supervising. He is quite road aware and we live in a quiet cul de sac but I would still worry about him getting caught up in a game and running into the road or something.


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## Natasha2605

Summer goes outside and plays with her friends. She has done since turning five. I wasn't sure about it at first but we've never had any issues. There's a group of eight of them between 5 & 8. They are always within view of somebody's parents, often not mine because of the position of the house. Tbh rarely 20 minutes go past without her coming back for something or other!

She is very independent though, very road aware and safety conscious. I trust her implicitly and she knows if she doesn't follow the "rules" there are consequences - coming in early, being grounded etc.


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## pandacub

I live in a flat so have a communal garden, which has a regular gate which opens onto a footpath, so it's not secure. I'd say 97% of the time, I'll stay out with him. He knows where he can and can't go, but I don't trust that he wouldn't walk off with an older child. If I'm not sat outside, I'll watch him from my living room window. I don't know if I'll ever not be anxious enough to leave him alone &#128514; quite a lot of the parents round her seem to let their kids out unsupervised though. In fact, I'm normally the only parent outside.


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## Natsku

Maria started playing out at 4.5, before that she played in the back garden or in the communal garden out front where I could keep an eye on her. First I watched her all the time (when we first moved there and she was 3), then I would check on her every 5-10 minutes and then left it a bit longer. 

I did similar when she started playing out of sight of the house. Our set up is that there are two L-shaped rows of houses, each with a communal garden with swings and sandpit, and across the road is a little playground, so those are the areas she can go. At first I would go outside every ten minutes or so to get visual contact and gradually started letting the gaps between checking get longer and longer.

She's nearly 5.5 now and I feel completely comfortable with her playing out. Its a very quiet street that only residents drive on, with speed bumps and a 30kph speed limit (and everyone drives even slower than that is its their kids out there too). She also has her watch-phone now so I can call her to check in with her or tell her to come in, and see on my phone where she is as it has GPS - its kinda cool :) She's allowed to go further afield (another park down the road) if she's with friends but she doesn't feel ready herself yet for that


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## lau86

Thanks, some good tips there. I am going to let him at some point but I think it's too soon. He probably wouldn't want to go without his brother anyway. If he keeps asking I will sit out and supervise.


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## .Mrs.B.

The thought of my kids playing out alone makes me panic. I think they'll have to be at least 8/9 for me as I worry someone might take them.


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## lau86

I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc


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## Natasha2605

lau86 said:


> I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc

It's definitely normal. I remember being petrified when Summer first started going out. It's done wonders for her independence and sense of responsibility though. And there's only been two occasions where she's messed up. Once when she went into a friends house without telling me and once where they all disappeared out of view of any of the parents. so twice in a year isn't bad :)


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## Natsku

Only had two issues as well, once when she didn't look before crossing the road (not allowed out to play for 3 days after that - she learnt her lesson) and the incident when the drunk man grabbed her but she did the absolute right thing and stood her ground and screamed so in a way it made me even more confident about her playing out.


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## Midnight_Fairy

I think under 5 is too young to be responsible personally. My 11yr old doesn't go out alone really xx


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## jd83

The house we just moved from was pretty close to the street, and the neighborhood kids all liked to play in the street. I always sat outside and kept an eye on them, because it was a fairly busy street , and people were bad about speeding through even knowing how many kids were often out playing. I probably wouldn't have been comfortable letting them out on their own until 8-9 yrs old in that environment. We just moved to the country, though, and our house is set really far back from the road. They are allowed to play outside without me while I cook dinner, or whatever I'm doing, as long as I can see them from the window.


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## SarahBear

I have 1/3 of an acre property that has a mix of woods, gravel (driveway) and a small grass yard in back. As you have to go down the driveway a bit to get to the street, I do trust my 3 year old to play outside with minimal supervision. As for playing on the street, we do have a strict rule about not going to the street without an adult. At 4.5, I would still have that rule. If I were you, I'd let him play and just supervise.


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## RaspberryK

I was allowed to play in the cul de sac semi unsupervised from age 7 with some slightly younger children and I walked to school and back on my own from age 8. 
Ds isn't 5 yet but I don't forsee me being comfortable with him on his own in the street within the next 6 months. 
I would think age 7 as a minimum. 
In a secure back garden is different. 
X


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## .Mrs.B.

lau86 said:


> I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc

But they could be the most sensible child in the world and still get abducted.


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## lau86

.Mrs.B. said:


> lau86 said:
> 
> 
> I worry too! But I think it's normal. I do think it's important to give them their freedom, depending on how sensible they are etc
> 
> But they could be the most sensible child in the world and still get abducted.Click to expand...

Yes of course, it's got to be a mums worst nightmare. I'm trying to strike a balance between a carefree childhood and being risky. I was definitely playing out by myself by age 8 and I didnt grow up in nearly as quiet an area as I live in now.


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## SarahBear

Crime against children is lower now than it has been in decades. It's probably safer now than when we were all kids. I think a good way to strike a balance between being risky and care-free childhood, is to let them go out alone at a reasonable age AND teach them self-defense and stranger skills. Notice how I said "stranger skills," and not "stranger danger." I think teaching kids that all strangers are dangerous or that you should NEVER talk to strangers, doesn't teach them real-world skills or teach them how to properly function out in the "real world."


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## jd83

SarahBear said:


> Crime against children is lower now than it has been in decades. It's probably safer now than when we were all kids. I think a good way to strike a balance between being risky and care-free childhood, is to let them go out alone at a reasonable age AND teach them self-defense and stranger skills. Notice how I said "stranger skills," and not "stranger danger." *I think teaching kids that all strangers are dangerous or that you should NEVER talk to strangers, doesn't teach them real-world skills or teach them how to properly function out in the "real world."*

Agree. I read a blog about "tricky people" that I thought was a good way of approaching it. Obviously you can't teach them to never ever talk to strangers, because there may be times when they need to. What if they get lost? They need to know what type of adult to go to for help, for example. I think as far as when to let them play unsupervised, you have to go with when they are capable of grasping those types of concepts, and when they can grasp real world dangers like cars in the road. 

Just looked up that blog post about tricky people, here's a link for any interested in reading it.
https://safelyeverafter.com/index.html


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## SarahBear

"Stranger danger" came up with my 3 year old because of reading a Berenstain Bears book. We talked about how it's OK to talk to strangers, but if someone makes you feel unsafe, you shouldn't talk to them. We also talked about how the book was right when it said you shouldn't get into a car with or go anywhere with a stranger. So it didn't exactly reflect our values, but it did create a talking point.


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## SarahBear

Watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAQ9T2Lpq48

It seems even older kids can have trouble distinguishing between a stranger and someone who's not a stranger.


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## lindseymw

My two have just started playing in the street in the past couple of weeks. We live in a small quiet cul de sac so there is very little traffic and anyone driving into the street does drive slowly.

We started with letting them play out whilst we hung about in the front garden and gave them boundaries to adhere to (basically not out of sight). We then retreated inside and check on them every few minutes (either by looking out of the window or sticking my head out of the door)

They did adopt a girl from another street one day (who was 5) and she came into our back garden and played for quite a while, stayed for dinner etc. We had no idea who she was! We sent Joshua with her to her house to tell her Dad where she was as we felt a bit awkward having a child we didn't know.


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## Natsku

Happens all the time to us Linds! Strange children turn up at my house wanting food and for me to build them blanket forts :haha:

Abduction risks are just so incredibly low. When that incident happened with the drunk man the police officer told me that this was the only incident that had happened in this town since he could remember, and it wasn't even a real attempted abduction. Everyone (police, social workers etc.) reassured me that its not something to really worry about, and don't let it change the freedom I give Maria.


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## Kate&Lucas

Lucas doesn't play out on the street but no-one else does here either. If we lived in a quiet cul-de-sac I'd probably let him but since I'm a bit of a helicopter I'd also probably take the opportunity to sit on the front path with a book the whole time :haha:
I'm terrible nervous though. I have anxiety and I try my best not to let it affect his childhood.
There used to be a boy who lived over the road from us and one day Lucas went to play in his front path for a little while. I went in for 2 minutes to put a wash on, came back out and they were both gone :shock: I near passed out, ran over, LET myself into the house :blush: (I still cringe), went through all the rooms and upstairs shouting his name til I found them playing happily in the kid's room, the mum in the next bedroom doing her hair. She nearly died herself when she saw me there.
So I really try hard these days not to be _that _mum. I mean kids have been playing out since the dawn of time, the vast majority without any danger. I did myself from the age of about 3. We're all just a bit silly these days... myself included :blush:


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## Midnight_Fairy

Kate&Lucas said:


> Lucas doesn't play out on the street but no-one else does here either. If we lived in a quiet cul-de-sac I'd probably let him but since I'm a bit of a helicopter I'd also probably take the opportunity to sit on the front path with a book the whole time :haha:
> I'm terrible nervous though. I have anxiety and I try my best not to let it affect his childhood.
> There used to be a boy who lived over the road from us and one day Lucas went to play in his front path for a little while. I went in for 2 minutes to put a wash on, came back out and they were both gone :shock: I near passed out, ran over, LET myself into the house :blush: (I still cringe), went through all the rooms and upstairs shouting his name til I found them playing happily in the kid's room, the mum in the next bedroom doing her hair. She nearly died herself when she saw me there.
> So I really try hard these days not to be _that _mum. I mean kids have been playing out since the dawn of time, the vast majority without any danger. I did myself from the age of about 3. We're all just a bit silly these days... myself included :blush:

Im the same x


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## dani_tinks

My boy is 6 and he doesn't, but we don't have any other children living near us, we live on a private 'estate' in the middle of nowhere (although it's basically just a few houses with retired people in them):lol:. We have a large garden and i'm happy for him to potter around out there on his own, although the door is always open and I check on him constantly. He prefers us to be around him aswell tbh and often calls for one of us to keep him company. Not sure how i'd feel if I lived on an estate letting him out to play, I don't think i'd be comfortable with it.


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## lau86

That's another thing I was going to say, we don't have a big garden so they can't ride bikes or play football. Theres also a big 'green' right next to the house so I can't see why they would want to go anywhere else, although that's adult logic... 
Natsku I can't believe a drunk man grabbed Maria! Did he just not know what he was going or what?! Crazy!


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## Natsku

lau86 said:


> That's another thing I was going to say, we don't have a big garden so they can't ride bikes or play football. Theres also a big 'green' right next to the house so I can't see why they would want to go anywhere else, although that's adult logic...
> Natsku I can't believe a drunk man grabbed Maria! Did he just not know what he was going or what?! Crazy!

He didn't really understand that he was doing something wrong - has an IQ of about 60 and seemed to think he was helping her


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