# Don't really know if I should be posting here?



## tinymumma

I'm so terribly sorry if this bring anyone pain but I just don't know what to do. As I draw closer to the second tri, I've found myself becoming even more afraid. I braced myself for a m/c, however I know hitting the 12 week mark won't ease my concerns, rather make them a million times worse.
I lost my daughter at almost 19 weeks. I was very young and nobody knew I was even pregnant, so I had her, alone. No medical attention so I never got to find out what caused it. My OH lost his daughter at 22 weeks due to a separated cervix which the doctors chose to ignore after detection on an internal scan. I'm just so frightened that we will both have to go through it all again :cry: I don't really know what causes second tri losses, however I know they are more common than medical professionals care to admit. 
As I said, I apologise from the bottom of my heart if I have upset anyone, as I know this isn't really the right place for me to be posting, I just wish that I could enjoy this pregnancy. Be able to be normal and complain about backaches and such, when all I can ever think is "is my baby going to die today"? Thank you for reading <3 I don't really know why I felt the urge to post this, probably because I don't want to talk to OH about it as it distresses us both and my own mother will give me the biggest death stare if I so much as head in the direction...


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## SabrinaKat

I'm not sure whether this is the right spot (you could try pregnant after a loss?), BUT *I am glad that you have posted.
*
I had an early mc (7-8wks), but got lucky a few years later with my LO. After a number of hard months after the mc, I sought counselling (cognitive behavioural therapy), which helped alot and gave me some hope for the future. 

Please know that you are not alone....I think it takes real courage to try again, but I like to think that our LLOs (lost little ones) are looking over us.

Please take care of yourself,

hugs,

Pamela


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## tinymumma

:hugs:


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## xMissxZoiex

Sorry for your loss, I lost my son earlier in the month.

I know what caused my second trimester loss and it is very preventable and symptomless but is very very preventable. I have an incompetent cervix and the weight of my little boy caused my waters to slip through resulting in his death.

Speak to your doctors, they may be able to go though your symptoms and with your previous pregnancy and try and work out what went wrong. I'd also request weekly cervical scans, if they see a change in your cervix they can stitch it up (Cerclage) I need a Cerclage when I have another pregnancy.

All the best with your pregnancy xxx


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## tinymumma

Thank you so much! I'm so thankful for the support, ladies <3


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## Sinclair

I know the feeling. I lost my daughter at 18 weeks with no reasoning. They did several genetic testing on me with this pregnancy, we had an autopsy done on our daughter as well at her time of death to see if they could possibly find anything, there was really nothing. She was filled with fluid, but when I spoke to the genetics woman during one of many ultrasounds I had, in the beginning that is, she said the fluid could have been caused because they waited about a week or so ( possibly more really, I didn't go for any medical attention until we thought I was about 20 weeks or so. )

We never really got an answer, we could only guess there was an abnormality, or she had a heart condition like her father and grandmother. We'll forever be in the dark about it.

So, when I found out about this pregnancy in August, my lovey and I didn't need to talk about it and I went forward and ahead with any testing needed to see if I had any past conditions, illnesses, etc, that could have caused our daughter's death - I had none.

During the entire time I would always freak out, like you, "Is the baby okay," when we found out he was a boy I called him by his name. When I started to feel movement every night around 11pm I would wait up and watch my belly around that time. Get relieved when I felt it, still freaked out until I hit that 18 week mark.

I had several ultrasounds because the place wanted to watch the pregnancy closely, it helped by peace of mind, along with the regular OB visits I had as well; 9week ultrasound, 12 week ultrasound, 16 week ultrasound, 20 week ultrasound, 22 week ultrasound, 28 week ultrasound, and finally had my last ultrasound at 34 weeks. They were happy with the way he was growing, never saw him in distress, happy amount of fluid, etc.

12 weeks - I didn't feel comfortable - until I saw him on the ultrasound machine, I didn't feel "safe" ever for the baby until I started to feel him kick every day, every hour of the day. I quickly picked up on his sleeping habits as well.

Also helped I had a visit inbetween waiting for the ultrasounds as well. 

It took the longest time for my lovey to get comfortable even touching my belly to feel the baby moving, he was scared - you could see it in his face every time the baby moved and I pulled his hand to where our son kicked around at. We talked about the possibly of him passing without us knowing, and we both said we don't think we could handle a second lost this late. The first time was hard enough on us, lose our daughter, then our son. We'd be at a lost.

But we took every day carefully, I didn't work because we didn't want to add that on my frame just in case it was possible work related somehow. ( And since I'm a bartender, moving kegs, cases, etc. )

So yes, there are people who completely understand. XP But I'd still talk to your OH about it when your mother isn't around.

There's has been much complaining from me as well, lol, I've been happy with him being head down and pushing on my bladder, sticking his foot up in my ribs. Only thing that kept me sane was looking at his ultrasounds, looking forward to whatever office visit I had next, and the possibly of finding raising my child.


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## Vickieh1981

I think this is an okay place to post because the way you are feeling is due to your own experience after a 2nd trimester loss. Maybe a warning in the title *new pregnancy mentioned* would be good.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Once you have lost a baby in the "Safe time" you lose the innocence of pregnancy where you feel safe after a certain time. When I was pregnant with Sophia I was terrified she was going to die. I imagined having to have another funeral next to where Isabella was buried. I think it's understandable.

I hope that everything with be okay with you. The majority of pregnancies following a loss are - especially 2nd trimester ones xx


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