# "Is Santa real?" Question from 4 year old



## k4th

I'm in a bit of a pickle. I have spent a long time setting up a "no lies" policy in our home. And dd is on board with it. She even says she'll tell me the truth when she's done something wrong because there are no lies in this house. 

She's written a letter to Santa via our Elf on the Shelf - asking if the elf & Santa are real. I want to write back, but I don't want to tell direct lies!! She's only four though and I don't want to ruin the magic of Christmas either!!! 

Help!!!! What should I do???

She's far too bright for a four year old :dohh:


----------



## LaughOutLoud

That's a tough one...I'm not sure tbh! Just had a think...I think age appropriate fabrication is ok? My Dd asked me how babies come out from their mums tummy when she was around 3yrs old- I wouldn't wanted to have to tell her the truth then so made up something appropriate.


----------



## caitlyn2009

I might word it something like "Santa lives in the magic of Christmas" or "Santa is real because of the magic of Christmas". I dread the day when my kids done believe in Santa :(


----------



## Rags

Ds son is 5 and has been suspicious for a while now, told his gran ages ago that Santa was mythical! He has never said this to me though so i continue to talk about Santa and he continues to go along with me. I think one part of his brain is telling him he isn't and the other part is saying maybe. He whispered to me a few days ago that he plans to set his tablet up on Christmas eve to record Santa when he arrives - now I'm asking around for a large pair of black boots and red trousers!!!!


----------



## sabby52

Dec just turned 8 and has been suspicious for a few years now, we also have a no lies policy in our house but tbh I dont see letting them believe in the magic of Christmas a lie :shrug: I tell him that is he wants to believe in Santa and the magic of Christmas that is up to him but he also knows that once you stop believing Santa doesnt bring gifts anymore. My eldest is almost 18 and stopped believing in Santa when he was 9, we have always told our youngest that Santa doesnt come to older Children and he knows that once he is 10 years old Santa will not come to him anymore. I want to have him prepared for the whole "Santa isnt real" talk :thumbup:


----------



## Natsku

Seems other kids are a lot smarter than Maria! I try and make it really obvious that Santa is just a pretend game, she even came with us to the post office to pick up the parcels of presents we had ordered and saw the wrapping paper and all but she still whole-heartedly believes :dohh:

I'd write back something along the lines of Santa being a fun tradition and then distract her by telling her about all the different traditions of Santa there are :haha:


----------



## k4th

I've focused on the magic element & what a special time it is. She's happy with that this morning :)

Although she told me that Santa at the shopping centre isn't real. And then proceeded to start to write to Santa again - I've suggested that Santa is maybe a bit busy to write everyday!!!! :dohh:

I'm glad she's been persuaded by the answer - they grow up too quickly anyway!! 

Rags - good luck with the Santa boots!! :rofl:

Sabby - it's not so much that the magic is a lie. There are lots of very real things about Christmas! I just don't want her to feel "lied to" when she finds out iyswim?


----------



## sabby52

k4th said:


> I've focused on the magic element & what a special time it is. She's happy with that this morning :)
> 
> Although she told me that Santa at the shopping centre isn't real. And then proceeded to start to write to Santa again - I've suggested that Santa is maybe a bit busy to write everyday!!!! :dohh:
> 
> I'm glad she's been persuaded by the answer - they grow up too quickly anyway!!
> 
> Rags - good luck with the Santa boots!! :rofl:
> 
> Sabby - it's not so much that the magic is a lie. There are lots of very real things about Christmas! I just don't want her to feel "lied to" when she finds out iyswim?

Know what you mean :thumbup: Nobody ever told us how hard these thing are :haha::haha:

In reference to the Santa in the shopping centre we have always told the boys that its not the real Santa, we told them its the elves magically made up to look like Santa, Santa is far to busy to be at all the shopping centres before Christmas :winkwink:


----------



## Rags

k4th said:


> I've focused on the magic element & what a special time it is. She's happy with that this morning :)
> 
> Although she told me that Santa at the shopping centre isn't real. And then proceeded to start to write to Santa again - I've suggested that Santa is maybe a bit busy to write everyday!!!! :dohh:
> 
> I'm glad she's been persuaded by the answer - they grow up too quickly anyway!!
> 
> Rags - good luck with the Santa boots!! :rofl:
> 
> Sabby - it's not so much that the magic is a lie. There are lots of very real things about Christmas! I just don't want her to feel "lied to" when she finds out iyswim?

Lol lots. Yes, I've asked my brother to video me from the knees down, think I'll need gloves too though!!! This could get completed.


----------



## SarahBear

We don't do Santa in our house. I would tell her that Santa is a story that people tell to make Christmas feel magical. Lots of pretend play we do with kids isn't clarified as "just pretend," so as far as the "no lies" rule goes, it sort of fits in with that. When asked directly, however, you are following your own rule by telling the truth. Christmas doesn't lose all its wonder just because Santa is gone unless Christmas has been made to be all about Santa.

We've talked to Violet about Santa a lot this year. With most pretend games, it's pretty clear that they are pretend; however, with Santa, the lines of reality are more easy to blur because so many people reinforce the idea without wavering in their assertions that Santa is real. We have, therefore told her that Santa is somebody that people like to pretend is real around Christmas. We also told her the story of Santa, read her Santa books, and plan to show her a couple Christmas movies. We have already watched the original Grinch cartoon. She spent an afternoon role playing as Santa. We'll watch more movies, read more books, and at some point we'll talk about St. Nicholas. Maybe we'll wait a year or so for that last part.


----------



## OmarsMum

After reading this thread, I asked Omar if Santa is real, 1st he told me of course he's real, Christmas is Santa, then he paused and told me that no he's not real because every time we go to see Santa the man under the beard is different than the man we saw the last time, so he's a man dressed up as Santa to give us gifts in Christmas :haha: 

We don't do Christmas but we visit the Santa grotto in the mall. 

I'd ask her what does she think & work on her logic, last year Omar was 100% Santa was real but now he is not.


----------



## Larkspur

We had a "no lies" rule in our house too but I don't recall feeling particularly confused or aggrieved when I learned/figured out Santa wasn't real. It seemed more like a game my parents had been playing for our amusement. 

In fact, I just kept playing along once I figured it out (with no discussion on the matter with my parents) because my younger brother still believed. 

I think we can give kids who are old enough to have figured Santa out a bit of credit for being able to differentiate between a lie intended to disguise wrongdoing and a story made up as entertainment.

So in response to the OP I would just say she's still young, and probably enjoys Santa, so I'd say something like, "I think Santa's real, what do you think?"


----------



## .Mrs.B.

Larkspur said:


> We had a "no lies" rule in our house too but I don't recall feeling particularly confused or aggrieved when I learned/figured out Santa wasn't real. It seemed more like a game my parents had been playing for our amusement.
> 
> In fact, I just kept playing along once I figured it out (with no discussion on the matter with my parents) because my younger brother still believed.
> 
> I think we can give kids who are old enough to have figured Santa out a bit of credit for being able to differentiate between a lie intended to disguise wrongdoing and a story made up as entertainment.
> 
> So in response to the OP I would just say she's still young, and probably enjoys Santa, so I'd say something like, "I think Santa's real, what do you think?"

I agree with this, I never felt lied to when I found out and would have not thought that it's OK to lie because my parents lied about Santa. I suppose I didn't see it as a lie but as something my parents did to create magic at Christmas. I have so many happy family memories about Santa and for me it wasn't about the gifts at all. Now when Christmas comes I revert back to the child that believed. :haha:


----------



## tommyg

I'd go with the "Santa is magic" and has lots of helpers (mummys / daddy's / center santas are all helpers in my eyes).

DS is similar age and asking questions. Not helped by him seeing a film last year that included a nasty fake Santa, and discussions of the fake Santa went down like a ton of bricks at preschool!!!


----------



## k4th

Thanks all :)

She's happily gone with the idea of it all being real. I think (like someone else said) she WANTS to believe. Some things she sees don't quite fit, but she's enjoying it all so much now that I'm glad we went down the "magic" route. 

Looking back I didn't feel angry when I found out about Christmas. I guess it just feels different from this perspective lol. 

Tommyg - it's an interesting thought that talking about fake Santa went down so badly at preschool. I suppose I also wouldn't want dd being the only "non-believer" at school. I don't know how that would go down with friends & other parents :shrug:


----------



## tommyg

The fake Santa took a bit of figuring out, my sis reckoned it was a film somebody on here in the Santas Grotto figured Santa Claus 2.


----------



## SarahBear

I swear at some point my kid is going to be that kid that ruins it for other kids... I'm going to encourage her to not tell kids it's fake, but she's three and therefore not so reliable... I guess we'll see what happens. When my mom told my sisters and I about St. Nicholas whom Santa is based on but was real and lived a long time ago and is now dead, my sister misunderstood and told kids that Santa is dead! Other than that, we were pretty good at not telling other kids that Santa isn't real... So far with Violet, we haven't told her about St. Nicholas, but we have told her the story of Santa and told her that people like to pretend he's real. She has since role played as Santa and watched Christmas movies. The question now is, when other kids mention Santa, will she say "that's not real," or will she play along?


----------



## Rags

It's interesting reading how others are figuring this out with there children. I was really interested by the post that mentioned they didn't want to lie about Santa but had avoided the subject of how babies are born. I'm really actively encouraging belief in Santa but have been completely honest about babies since the first question about where babies come from before Ds was 3, infact yesterday when he came across a pack of sanitary wear in the bathroom and asked about them I explained about the monthly cycle, about the only part he doesn't already understand, he's 5 and has always known not to tell others about babies etc so I'm pretty sure Violet will be fine keeping the santa secret.


----------



## SophiasMummy

I couldn't tell Sophia that Santa isn't real she's drawn him hundreds of little pictures for me to 'send' and the amazement on her face when Santa send her videos over Christmas is indescribable (I do the Portable north pole videos).

I love the magic of Christmas and Santa and it's something I loved as a kid. I never cared that my mum had 'lied' to me about Santa

Sophia also knows that the Santa's in the grottos are fake Santas that work for the real one because he's busy getting all the presents ready in the north pole ;)


----------



## george83

I grew up never believing in Father Christmas (I didn't know at the time but older sister was too scared of him and so we always knew it was just my parents) I obviously still loved christmas but seeing it now from a different point of view where my Lo does believe in Father Christmas and the whole magic of it, there is no way I do anything to change that even if it went against my morals


----------



## Cangaroo

This is something I have struggled with. My sister found out Father Christmas want real aged 7, and the first thing she did was tell me, aged 4. I therefore have almost no memories of believing in Father Christmas, and Christmas was still always a magical time. Father Christmas still came every year, though we didn't actually believe. 

I also feel uncomfortable lying to DD. This summer, she became very interested in fairies and set up a fairy garden etc. We visited a fairy walk, and she wished for a purple unicorn. I got her one, and put it by her fairy door for her to find. I felt somewhat uncomfortable with this, as I was confirming her belief in something that's not real, but she was so delighted. We had a discussion about fairies and fairy stories. I said "you really enjoy believing in fairies, don't you?". She replied " yes ", then stopped to think about it for a while and said pointedly, " I believe in fairies. ". I have taken this to be her making a choice to play along with the game and believe in magic for now. 

I need to spend some time talking about Santa as a story, and like the idea of talking about St Nicholas. I won't outright tell her he's not real, but will give her the information for her to figure it out herself.


----------



## CaptainMummy

SophiasMummy said:


> I couldn't tell Sophia that Santa isn't real she's drawn him hundreds of little pictures for me to 'send' and the amazement on her face when Santa send her videos over Christmas is indescribable (I do the Portable north pole videos).
> 
> I love the magic of Christmas and Santa and it's something I loved as a kid. I never cared that my mum had 'lied' to me about Santa
> 
> Sophia also knows that the Santa's in the grottos are fake Santas that work for the real one because he's busy getting all the presents ready in the north pole ;)

Exactly this. :)


----------



## cat_reversing

I'm in the minority then. I won't be encouraging a belief in father Christmas/ Santa, or the I've-been-good list or elf on the shelf, which I find creepy.
I'm not religious at all so Christmas is about spending a special time with family and celebrating being together.
I didn't believe in fc/santa as a kid but I loved Christmas and still do. If she asks I'll tell her it's a story and ask her what she thinks. And we definitely won't be visiting Santa's grotto! And she'll know the presents are from us.
We'll still watch Christmas films and TV , just not have to believe the story part is real.


----------



## kosh

cat_reversing said:


> I'm in the minority then. I won't be encouraging a belief in father Christmas/ Santa, or the I've-been-good list or elf on the shelf, which I find creepy.
> I'm not religious at all so Christmas is about spending a special time with family and celebrating being together.
> I didn't believe in fc/santa as a kid but I loved Christmas and still do. If she asks I'll tell her it's a story and ask her what she thinks. And we definitely won't be visiting Santa's grotto! And she'll know the presents are from us.
> We'll still watch Christmas films and TV , just not have to believe the story part is real.

^^ this is how we do it too


----------

