# Feeling incredibly apprehensive



## feeble

It's my scan on Thursday, I should be 13+1 and I am so so scared

It's my birthday tomorrow and I am not excited about it at all, just terrified that I will hear those words again 

'I have to tell you, I'm struggling to find a heartbeat' 

I know I'm being silly, that I have never ever ever suffered a miscarriage and that the likelihood of the same thing happening is slim to none... 

But I am so so so apprehensive, I wish I had more people who knew what I was going through who I could talk with about this, Liam tries but he just says everything will be fine and tells me to stop being silly. 

Sometimes I just really wish I had made more friends/felt more supported on the second tri losses forum, I really feel like an outsider here and that's so hard, it's hard that the support on offer does not extend to me... Sucks. 

Oh well, just needed to get that out.


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## kiki04

:hugs:

Honey no one is an outsider here and I am incredibly sorry you ahve been made to feel that way. I know myself I havent been as active as I usually am, but by no means have I been avoiding anyone or anything... just been busy. :hugs: I am sure everything WILL be OK at your scan as the chances of it happening again are extremely slim... please update us as soon as you can...and dont forget to breathe :hugs:


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## kiki04

Oh and HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY!!! :happydance:


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## feeble

Thanks Kiki x 

I post almost daily in the Life after Loss thread, but my posts are all ignored, if people are asking how everyone is, it is never ever directed at me. 

The ridiculous thing is, I have absolutely NO idea what I have done to upset everyone so much... I feel frankly, like I am being used as some sort of pawn in a popularity contest, that someone has taken exception to me (and again, I have NO idea why, I just know it is the case) and so all her friends have ignored me. Which would be hard enough on the normal forums

But on a loss forum?? 

Should we not be supporting each other rather than playing games?? 

Anyway. It's clear from the members I have seen view this thread (who have ignored it same as they have my other posts) that I am absolutely not welcome here. 


So I shall go and grieve for my daughter and worry about the future alone, with no support.


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## collie_crazy

I am sorry you dont feel supported and like an outsider. And maybe I am just hormonal but this post is hardly going to win you support is it? I dont often post in the Life after Loss thread anymore as I dont have as much time for BnB but I still read - and I have never noticed people ignoring you :shrug: 

I read this thread the first time and clicked out of it because I didnt want to respond to it. It actually hurt me and upset me - how rude to say that a group of women arent supporting you when all they have done is offer their support! But then I seen your reply (which was probably aimed at me as my name obv would have shown as being on the thread and then not having posted) so came in to add my reply. 

This is the most childish and infantile post I have ever seen on here.


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## OliveBay

Fiona, I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I'm sure no-one is deliberately ignoring you. This forum is just so busy now. I hope all goes well for you at your scan. Big hugs my dear :hugs:


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## mhazzab

Fiona I'm very sorry you feel this way. I honestly don't think there is some big conspiracy to exclude you. I certainly haven't been doing it deliberately. I don't come in here much, I do try to keep up with the life after loss thread by reading, and I only respond if it's a post that really calls out to me, same with the other threads if I get a chance to read them.
We have all been through a terrible trauma and we have that bond together, but, it doesn't mean that we should all automatically be best friends because of this, we have to find other common ground too and so sometimes people will get on better with some people than others.

I really am sorry you feel hurt and I'm sure nobody meant for this. However it easy to get the wrong impression on forums because you can misinterpret what someone has said or hasn't said. I do agree with collie in some ways though, and I'm sorry that you didn't broach the subject in a less confrontational way rather than making accusations which (as far as I am aware anyway) are untrue and upsetting people who have only tried to be friendly to you, when they can. As far as i am concerned, I will put the way you phrased your posts in this thread down to you being upset at how you perceive people to be treating you.I hope you manage to find your way again and feel more comfortable.
Happy birthday, I hope you find some way to make the day less depressing, I found it hard too. And the very best of luck for your scan x


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## Bride2b

Oh dear Fiona, I'm sorry I read and ran earlier....out the door to the gym & didnt get chance to reply. I'm back now all exercised out & showered so I will reply. 

I wanted to wish you a happy birthday for tomorrow & you WILL get a lovely late birthday present when you get to see your rainbow on Thursday. Of course you will be nervous....I think all the ladies here who have a little rainbow growing can tell you that, and the rest of us that are hoping so badly will probably agree that we will be terrified until our babies are in our arms.

I hope you dont feel left out of here, its a support forum to keep all of us going through the good times (hopefully we can have these) and bad, through the ups and downs. I find it a very safe place to come and talk about my emotions and feelings, I also LOVE hearing about how everyone is doing and cheering on the ladies TTC as well as making sure those rainbow makers are doing ok.
I know some ladies have distanced themselves from here as it can feel like dragging back old feelings when on a good day you might want to avoid being reminded of the crappy times. I have to say I try and avoid new threads that look 'depressing' I dont mean that I dont want to support people, but I just find myself getting really upset when I hear about a new person being here. It just drags everything back up & I feel that dark cloud come back over. I'm desperately trying to reach a place where I can start to live a 'normal' life again and not be so withdrawn into myself. As you know I have taken up reflexology to help balance me, I cant achieve this and ultimately pregnancy if I am dragged down again by emotions that at are sparked off my reading another sad story. I dont know how much sense this all makes?
Hope you ok xx


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## dancareoi

feeble said:


> It's my scan on Thursday, I should be 13+1 and I am so so scared
> 
> It's my birthday tomorrow and I am not excited about it at all, just terrified that I will hear those words again
> 
> 'I have to tell you, I'm struggling to find a heartbeat'
> 
> I know I'm being silly, that I have never ever ever suffered a miscarriage and that the likelihood of the same thing happening is slim to none...
> 
> But I am so so so apprehensive, I wish I had more people who knew what I was going through who I could talk with about this, Liam tries but he just says everything will be fine and tells me to stop being silly.
> 
> Sometimes I just really wish I had made more friends/felt more supported on the second tri losses forum, I really feel like an outsider here and that's so hard, it's hard that the support on offer does not extend to me... Sucks.
> 
> Oh well, just needed to get that out.

Hi, I don`t think I have replied to one of you posts before, but I don`t really go on the life after loss section.

I only joined here in Jan following my MMC at 17 weeks (13-14 weeks gestation)
I have found the support here amazing.
I understand how aprehensive you will be feeling about tomorrow as I have been in that position.
I have always felt like that when having scans. I used to think a miscarriage meant bleeding, I had never heard of MMC until my sister had one in about 11 or 12 years ago.
When I was pregnant in 2001 I was a little worried about scan, but all was ok. However with each subsequent pregnancy I have become more worried.
When expecting my second in 2004 my cousin was about 7 weeks ahead of me, she had her scan, no HB, couple of days later I had bit of bleeding, I was worried sick at my scan, but again all was ok.
In 2009 I was pregnant again, I had a couple of early scans which I was worried about, but 3rd scan at 10 weeks showed MMC at 8 weeks.
I was PG again sept 2009 and as you can imagine now I was even more scared, especially at 7 weeks I began bleeding, early scan showed HB but blood clot in my womb, nothing serious but was told I would bleed again. A couple of days later I began bleeding very heavily, had to wait 2 weeks for another scan, I was beside myself, scan showed healthy HB. 2 more scans 4 weeks later showed HB and all was good, little boy born May 2010.
Time seems to go slow in this situation and when waiting for the scan your heart is in your mouth, it is such a scary situation.
Last October at age of 40,I found I was PG again and as you can imagine I was even more worried, unfortunately it was not meant to be.
However, I know exactly how you are feeling as they have been there so many times and it is such a terrible feeling. It will seem today that time will stop!
I will be thinking of you tomorrow and keeping everything crossed for you. Please let us know how you get on.
If possible, happy birthday for today.
Please don`t feel you are not wanted, we all need support more than ever and I am always here for a chat.
Good luck with your rainbow.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## daopdesign

Just because you suffered a loss last time that doesn't mean it will happen again, you have to try and stay calm and look forward to a positive pregnancy. Look at me, 23 weeks now and was terrified I'd not make it past 16 weeks but miracles can and do happen, chip up chuck! Happy Birthday too xxx


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## Nikki_d72

I'm sorry you feel unsupported and I'm sorry you feel nervous about your scan, I'm sure all will be well, I hope you get through it OK and get a great birthday present of seeing your little bubba bouncing around. 

I also don't come here all that often anymore, and when I do I also usually have a quick read and reply to anything I feel I can help with in the life after loss section. I'm also a bit ashamed to admit I find myself often avoiding new threads in case they put me back into that dark space again, as they often do. It makes me feel bad and selfish but I have helped everyone I could for a good 5-6 months and I feel it's a natural progression to move away from it eventually, I have to, for my own sanity.

I also do find your post quite confrontational and accusatory though. I reckon you did upset one lady here pretty badly, but on another part of the forum, where you certainly didn't hold back in what you said, even though I'm sure you would have met her in here prior and would have known about her loss form her avatar, you didn't show her any respect or soft treatment at all. (I saw the thread and read it, it was about circumcision, a pretty touchy subject and one you are obviously passionate about, I have to say I was quite shocked at the language you used to her there and especially as she was one of the very actively supportive ones here, I did think that you would have held back a bit because of that.) I've certainly not actively or consciously ignored you, or anyone else here - it was a separate argument and nothing to do with me but it perhaps made me a little wary of you, as I saw a different side to you there. Sorry but I think that's natural human nature. I don't wish you any ill-will at all. I thought I'd let you know where the upset happened as you seem to not be aware - Now you know maybe you can re-read that thread and maybe you could try to make amends with her? I hope it doesn't upset you further me telling you this, but I figure you are better to know than not, so you can rectify it if you want. 

All the best tommorrow. xx


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## Bride2b

How did it go?x


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## FngrsCrossed

feeble said:


> It's my scan on Thursday, I should be 13+1 and I am so so scared
> 
> It's my birthday tomorrow and I am not excited about it at all, just terrified that I will hear those words again
> 
> 'I have to tell you, I'm struggling to find a heartbeat'
> 
> I know I'm being silly, that I have never ever ever suffered a miscarriage and that the likelihood of the same thing happening is slim to none...
> 
> But I am so so so apprehensive, I wish I had more people who knew what I was going through who I could talk with about this, Liam tries but he just says everything will be fine and tells me to stop being silly.
> 
> Sometimes I just really wish I had made more friends/felt more supported on the second tri losses forum, I really feel like an outsider here and that's so hard, it's hard that the support on offer does not extend to me... Sucks.
> 
> Oh well, just needed to get that out.


Happy Happy Happy birthday to you dear!!


:hugs: I must say I am sorry for your loss and I hope you can find a way to try to enjoy your pregnancy. I am sure that everything will be just fine. You are not being silly at all with worrying, I lost my baby in the second tri after going into premature labor. We had him 8 short days... So, I would probably be the same. DH's are different, they don't think like we do and they don't want to expect anything to go wrong. That's why God made us the women: prepared, and the brains of the operation...:haha:

I also have to say that everyone and I mean everyone in this section have been so amazing, supportive, and welcoming to me. I am a natural talker and I have a tendency to attack people with convo :blush:. If anything, they could and should be upset with me for not being in there all the time, to even RSVP on the replies for my comments. Sorry ladies..:flower: I am sure no one has had any intention of hurting your feelings or ignoring you.

When I think about it, honestly all of the ladies in here have so much going on. Plus they are also grieving...We are all suppose to hold each other up, but that gets difficult to do when someone is suffering also. No one can expect anyone of us (and I mean everyone of us) to give their all, all their time, because all of us are hurting, and need to have time to turn into ourselves. We have would be Due dates coming up, Birthdays for infants that were lost that are coming up, milestones that won't be crossed, and just the daily grind of life to continue. So I must defend their honor here, these ladies are oh so lovely,:flower: and wonderful all in one. And I know that abrasive is not their nature...:hugs: to you, I hope things get better and you can find a snug spot on the forum. I know I have :flower: when I am in there :blush:.


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## feeble

Right, so disagreeing with someone on circumcision is unacceptable, but stalking someone across a forum, antagonising them, putting up threads in A LOSS SECTION about them being 'weirdos' etc etc is fine? 

Your wary of me for getting passionate about something, but not this person for bullying me across many threads and using my loss as a way to attack me. 

That is some flawless logic you got going on there nikki! 

I am out of here. Unbelievable

Just a tip, if you find it unable to reconcile massive cultural differences making people behave in a different way to you, stay OFF a multicultural forum. I despise circumcision but I would NEVER punish someone who has circumcised their child like this woman has to me for merely disagreeing with her, albeit passionately. 

Disgusted, I truly am. What a terribly weak reason to attack someone who you know is going through the worst thing in the world.


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## jojo23

im so sorry you feel unsupported hun i dont think anyone ever would intentionally do that!! as the ladies before said sometimes you find common ground with people and just happen to get along with them quite well and sometimes you just forget your into a conversation and that someone else may feel a bit left out so im really sorry for that and hoestly it wasnt intentional if i ever didnt reply to you!!. 

i like to think we all try to make an effort to welcome people into a horrific situation, theres no easy answers in helping someone through grief and anxiety etc and i have often posted something in other forums and not gotten any support at all but on here i have always felt that we are such good friends and we can ask each other anything and never realised anyone felt like you do!

all i can say is we are still here if you need anything and im really really sorry you were made to feel like this, its not at all what second tri losses stands for but i do understand how we all get passionate about things from time to time and it may come across in a way we didnt intend. im sure more than once i have said something that maybe i meant in a genuine way but it came across as a little know-it-all or something and ive had to take a look back over it and go oh crap i didnt mean it to sound like that lol! word vomit!! 

as i said im always here and genuinely hope that your scan and birthday have gone well hun. we all deserve a little happiness after all we've been through and i hope we can all work through this and make you feel a bit more involved xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

feeble said:


> Right, so disagreeing with someone on circumcision is unacceptable, but stalking someone across a forum, antagonising them, putting up threads in A LOSS SECTION about them being 'weirdos' etc etc is fine?
> 
> Your wary of me for getting passionate about something, but not this person for bullying me across many threads and using my loss as a way to attack me.
> 
> That is some flawless logic you got going on there nikki!
> 
> I am out of here. Unbelievable
> 
> Just a tip, if you find it unable to reconcile massive cultural differences making people behave in a different way to you, stay OFF a multicultural forum. I despise circumcision but I would NEVER punish someone who has circumcised their child like this woman has to me for merely disagreeing with her, albeit passionately.
> 
> Disgusted, I truly am. What a terribly weak reason to attack someone who you know is going through the worst thing in the world.

How dare you!!!!!!!!!! Stalk you, who the hell with half a brain would stalk YOU, are you kidding me...................

Yes we disagree on a certain subject did I ever once make disgusting remarks to you? Only after you called me a "Butcher" and other foul language do you forget how you attacked me , anyone can see the thread and know what you did to me. I was in the same threads as you, I frequent them and you call me a stalker>>>>>>> Are you kidding me, I wouldn't stalk you if you paid me to. You didn't just disagree with me you belittled me . You can't get your point across only by degrading others. Your posts prove it. I never attacked you, I defended myself from you and now you come in here and post things in this section? Yes I posted that I was going to leave but I never mentioned your name but you try to make others think that it is me that has done something wrong, NO you did . Massive cultural differences, yes we all have them and just cause I chose circumcision that gives you the right to make me feel horrible, I never would do that to anyone, i would just say it is not my choice and move on, you didn't do that, you know exactly what you did and so does anyone who reads the thread.
STOP acting like a movie star drama queen , I have NO interest in you and trust me I am not stalking you ,LOL.. Look in the mirror sometime. I wouldn't touch you with a 10 foot pole..
Leave me the hell alone and please put me on ignore..And yes you were on ignore I only took you off to post to you.
Everyone I am so very sorry for this in this section, this is my last post to this lunatic. Please forgive me friends..


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## feeble

Calling someone a lunatic and a weirdo is unacceptable behaviour, especially on a loss forum and especially 3 months after an argument that you took exception to. 

You have used the death of my daughter to 'get me back' for something

Shame on you. Big time. 

I have and have never had anything to say to you, you have followed me around, liking any post that's agressive towards me regardless of the topic and then written a thread on here about me being a 'weirdo' 

Who does that?? To someone whose child has died

I got upset with you on a thread because you called me pathetic for caring about thousands of young boys being mutilated at birth. 

And regardless of what I said on that thread, it was months ago. Get over it! Don't post about people and antagonise people like you have 

Horrendous behaviour! Grow up!


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## jojo23

can i just point out and not in an aggressive way that plenty of us are after apologising and offering our support here and you have also ignored most of the comments without even pressing the thanks button!! think if your gonna give out about something maybe you shouldnt do the very thing your annoyed over.... 

obviously i didnt read the thread that all this controversy is over and i certainly dont need to either but regardless... people in this forum have serious issues to deal with at the moment and i think throwing the fact that your daughter passed away and making it seem she is using it against you into is really low....Andreas daughter died too as did mine and so many others here...and many many little boys passed too early! nobodys loss is more important than another persons regardless of your disagreements!

we all feel the grief you feel and every single woman who has had the unfortunate chance to come into this forum will tell you that when you see someone else who has had a loss like one of us it breaks your heart all over again! no body would ever use that in an argument especially over a cultural argument.... dont forget we are all here for our angels and united in our grief.


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## feeble

But she has used it against me, on this forum

She posted a thread explaining how she was ignoring me because I was a weirdo nutcase who she couldnt stand

Guess what, I managed to ignore her without posting a thread about her!

She has absolutely used my child as a way to attack me.


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## Andypanda6570

feeble said:


> But she has used it against me, on this forum
> 
> She posted a thread explaining how she was ignoring me because I was a weirdo nutcase who she couldnt stand
> 
> Guess what, I managed to ignore her without posting a thread about her!
> 
> She has absolutely used my child as a way to attack me.

I am sorry you feel like that, I have never nor would i ever use your loss as a gain to me, I know all to well your pain, so please don't say that it is not true in any form.. Can we please stop now, i am asking you woman to woman to please stop posting on this thread as I will, it is not fair to all these women in here, you can message me and say whatever you want, but here is not the place. Anyone can go through my posts and they will clearly see I have never ONCE brought up your loss or ever would I try to make you feel your loss is not important, i don't have it in me to do that.
Again can we BOTH please stop now.. Thank you


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## feeble

And I am sorry to anyone who has offered me support on this thread, I know I have probably not been as receptive to it as I should be 

I am really, really very very upset and combined with the fear of the pregnancy etc it's just all a bit much. 

This needed to come out though. Being insulted and posted about like that has just been the final straw for me. 

I am truly sorry if I am not open to the support right now.


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## Andypanda6570

feeble said:


> And I am sorry to anyone who has offered me support on this thread, I know I have probably not been as receptive to it as I should be
> 
> I am really, really very very upset and combined with the fear of the pregnancy etc it's just all a bit much.
> 
> This needed to come out though. Being insulted and posted about like that has just been the final straw for me.
> 
> I am truly sorry if I am not open to the support right now.

we were posting at the same time, I hope you read my post a page back, thank you


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## feeble

Andypanda6570 said:


> feeble said:
> 
> 
> But she has used it against me, on this forum
> 
> She posted a thread explaining how she was ignoring me because I was a weirdo nutcase who she couldnt stand
> 
> Guess what, I managed to ignore her without posting a thread about her!
> 
> She has absolutely used my child as a way to attack me.
> 
> I am sorry you feel like that, I have never nor would i ever use your loss as a gain to me, I know all to well your pain, so please don't say that it is not true in any form.. Can we please stop now, i am asking you woman to woman to please stop posting on this thread as I will, it is not fair to all these women in here, you can message me and say whatever you want, but here is not the place. Anyone can go through my posts and they will clearly see I have never ONCE brought up your loss or ever would I try to make you feel your loss is not important, i don't have it in me to do that.
> Again can we BOTH please stop now.. Thank youClick to expand...

You have made it impossible for me to get support her

It has been your mission from day dot. 

You have demeaned and belittled my loss and made it impossible for me to reach out to people on this forum. 

I have nothing to say to you. I am glad this is out in the open so that people can see how cruel and heartless your 'loving this ignore thing' is and so that perhaps if someone else who disagrees with you on something is unfortunate to loose their child, they won't feel this as deeply as I have.


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## OliveBay

I'm not taking sides here and I don't really know how to suggest moving this situation forward, but please can we all just be civil to each other? As my mum used to say, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. I like coming on this forum and don't want it to be a place of conflict and upset, otherwise it will put me and possibly other users off.

Another one of my mums' sayings: I don't care who started it, _I'm_ finishing it. She is a very wise woman. End of, ladies?


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## Andypanda6570

feeble said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> feeble said:
> 
> 
> But she has used it against me, on this forum
> 
> She posted a thread explaining how she was ignoring me because I was a weirdo nutcase who she couldnt stand
> 
> Guess what, I managed to ignore her without posting a thread about her!
> 
> She has absolutely used my child as a way to attack me.
> 
> I am sorry you feel like that, I have never nor would i ever use your loss as a gain to me, I know all to well your pain, so please don't say that it is not true in any form.. Can we please stop now, i am asking you woman to woman to please stop posting on this thread as I will, it is not fair to all these women in here, you can message me and say whatever you want, but here is not the place. Anyone can go through my posts and they will clearly see I have never ONCE brought up your loss or ever would I try to make you feel your loss is not important, i don't have it in me to do that.
> Again can we BOTH please stop now.. Thank youClick to expand...
> 
> You have made it impossible for me to get support her
> 
> It has been your mission from day dot.
> 
> You have demeaned and belittled my loss and made it impossible for me to reach out to people on this forum.
> 
> I have nothing to say to you. I am glad this is out in the open so that people can see how cruel and heartless your 'loving this ignore thing' is and so that perhaps if someone else who disagrees with you on something is unfortunate to loose their child, they won't feel this as deeply as I have.Click to expand...

Ok whatever you say, i have tried to reason with you, i am done now..


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## jojo23

i understand the fear you feel being pregnant. im 22 weeks and have gone through every little scary detail from a 6 week scan right up to my 20 week scan yesterday... but i have shared it all here!

i havent seen any posts where i felt anyone belittled your loss etc but they are your feelings at the end of the day but it certainly hasnt stopped you getting support from anyone! as i said before we are more than happy to give support at any time and i cant really understand why you would give out about not gettin any and then say your not very open to it!

regardless of whats been said i think we are all old enough to put our differences aside and still be here for one another. i hope you guys sort it out because there are not many places we can go and be ourselves and speak about our little ones, i would hate for anyone to think they have to leave over something that could be rectified!

xx


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## Andypanda6570

I just told you to end this and she goes and posts this 
https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-club/884297-if-you-disagree-circumcision.html
I am reporting you now, you are a liar and making people think it is me, it is you , poor thing...


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## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> I just told you to end this and she goes and posts this
> https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-club/884297-if-you-disagree-circumcision.html
> I am reporting you now, you are a liar and making people think it is me, it is you , poor thing...

Andrea I think the way the other thread has turned out when people did their own research says a lot. Hold your head high and try not to get upset and drawn into anything.I suspect the mods will be along soon anyway. Big hugs will send you a PM later xxx


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## Andypanda6570

mhazzab said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> I just told you to end this and she goes and posts this
> https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-club/884297-if-you-disagree-circumcision.html
> I am reporting you now, you are a liar and making people think it is me, it is you , poor thing...
> 
> Andrea I think the way the other thread has turned out when people did their own research says a lot. Hold your head high and try not to get upset and drawn into anything.I suspect the mods will be along soon anyway. Big hugs will send you a PM later xxxClick to expand...

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Thank you..XOOXOXO


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## Vickie

I'm not sure why all this cross-posting is happening or why you have an issue with one another (and honestly don't have time to look right now) but this argument and the multiple threads are creating a lot of discomfort on the forum for other members.

If you can't get along ignore one another but leave it off the forum.


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