# Fuming with step daughters mum Advice please!!!!



## samsugar7

OK long story short OH has his daughter to stay every other weekend and a few hours during the week. The relationship between OH and Her mum is ok not great. She is trying for baby No3 (first is not OH's) 

She has a history of thyroid problems resulting in it being removed and still recieving treatment, they were told not to conceive No2 for her and the baby's safety. No2 came along no real problems, after one misscarriage. According to her she has had 2 misscarriages since TTC with the new Boyfriend. 

OH's daughter has just told OH that her "mummy is pregnant and her and her sister shouldnt fight because it will kill the baby like it did last time". 

Am i the only person who finds this disgusting???

She is only 5 and has been told that!


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## trumpetbum

Omfg!!! Who says that to a five year old??


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## samsugar7

Im glad someone thinks the same as me.


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## caz81

Wow! I had to read that twice cause I could not believe that someone would actually say that to anyone, let alone a 5 year old...that is just wrong :nope:


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## samsugar7

I know its really hard because OH's daughter is very emotional at the moment and does argue with her 10 year old sis a lot. She is also now telling people that she killed mummies baby. We have tried to explain she didnt but her mum has obviously been telling her it since she misscarried 9 weeks ago. 

x


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## Dragonfly

Disgusting! to a child she said that :O


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## trumpetbum

I wish I had some advice, but I wonder how you reason with someone who thinks that is acceptable. Don't get me wrong, my girls fight a lot and I've had to really sit them down and spell out what the stress of constant fighting means for my health which seems to have got through to them, but they are 8 and 11. I'm just stunned. Good luck :hug:


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## Ju_bubbs

Oh wow, that is digusting! I've had a talk to my children (11, 8 and 6) about behaving and helping me out now that I'm pregnant, so that i can get a little more peace and rest, but I would never say someting like taht to them!!


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## amazed

Thats is terrible to tell a 5 yr old that.


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## Dinoslass

True. You can children to take it easy because mummy needs to rest a bit for the baby, but nothing like that, that is just cruel.


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## samsugar7

Thank you all i just think its cruel, poor little girl has been crying today about killing mummies baby 9 weeks ago. I just dont know how to make it better :shrug: as soon as she goes home it will all be undone because she will be told the same thing again.


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## Dragonfly

I dont care who she is I would be after her looking words with her would would tear strips of her. Go find her and speak to her even if she still carries on she needs told.


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## Jody R

That is so awful.

Most people who have been through a loss try to protect their other children from it not blame them for it!

Both my losses were before we had Joseph and I am terrified that he will somehow think he is second or even third best to his older brother and sister, I will do anything to protect him from ever thinking that. 

I can't imagine ever telling him something about them and their loss that would hurt him and make him think he was to blame or not as wanted and if I did I would never forgive myself for it.

How on earth can she use the loss of a baby as a way to try and discipline a five year old and a ten year old?

That has to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard.

I have no advice but I will say that if I were your OH I would want to speak to a solicitor about this because I wouldn't want to leave her with a mother who can treat her this way. The mental cruelty and long term emotional repercussions of this are just too awful. 

I could honestly cry for that little girl, it's just too awful and cruel a thing to do to her.


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## samsugar7

Jody R said:


> That is so awful.
> 
> Most people who have been through a loss try to protect their other children from it not blame them for it!
> 
> Both my losses were before we had Joseph and I am terrified that he will somehow think he is second or even third best to his older brother and sister, I will do anything to protect him from ever thinking that.
> 
> I can't imagine ever telling him something about them and their loss that would hurt him and make him think he was to blame or not as wanted and if I did I would never forgive myself for it.
> 
> How on earth can she use the loss of a baby as a way to try and discipline a five year old and a ten year old?
> 
> That has to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard.
> 
> I have no advice but I will say that if I were your OH I would want to speak to a solicitor about this because I wouldn't want to leave her with a mother who can treat her this way. The mental cruelty and long term emotional repercussions of this are just too awful.
> 
> I could honestly cry for that little girl, it's just too awful and cruel a thing to do to her.

I havent cried because i dont want it to effect her but i was horrified when she told me me :nope:

I have sat her down and used examples of when she had to be told off or similar things that happened whilst i was pregnant and that Jaden turned out ok. And that her arguning wont cause the baby any harm but causing her mummy stress isnt good even if she hasnt got a baby. 

I would love to have her here but we just cant afford the legal fees and the government has stopped most forms of legal aid unless you can give a 30% deposit. :dohh: OH is taking her home later and he will have a stern word with her because it is wrong no matter how you look at it. 

xx


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## Laura1984

omg!!! i have just read this my my OH (who barely listens to me when i read him thing off here) and he took a massive gasp and said thats awful!! x


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## Heulyn

That's absolutely disgusting.
I could understand asking the kids to be a bit better behaved because "mummy needs rest for the baby", but blaming a loss on a 5 - and 10 year old child?!?!?! WHAT!

Let us know how it goes when your OH speaks to her - personally I wouldn't be able to without ripping her to shreds.


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## samsugar7

He is on his way over there now, i wanted to go but he said no because he knows how upset i am. He has promised to say something but it wont be as effective as my choice words lol. She is very funny so he is worried (always has been) about speaking up too much because she stops visitation which is a killer for OH. 

Ill post when he gets home. 

x


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## Boothh

that is absolutly horrible! what a sicko!!


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## samsugar7

OK so he is back and she played the innocent i wouldnt say that card. Apparently she was talking about stress to her older daughter of 10 and the younger must have listened in. 

OH has told her that he will ask his daughter if it is being repested and infront of the X said that arguing wont kill the baby so there is no chance that it could be her fault. 

Turns out she is 12 weeks so the fuss she made over us having her daughter 9 weeks ago because she had had a misscarriage and couldnt move for 2 weeks was rubbish. I dont deny that a misscarriage is hard but if she is 12 weeks gone its just not possible. She is lying through her teeth and i just wish we had some evidence that could really support us. Not that a solicitor for more or full custody would be a waste but i would hate to spend that much and then not be granted it. 

I dont care how she said it, it was obviously not explained well if she got so upset over being told that she had killed a baby (which we now know to be a lie) 

Poor little thing


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## Heulyn

Jeez, what a cow!
You've done your best for his DD, that's all that counts now I guess. x


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## cabaretmum2b

What a nasty bitch!!! You're in such a horrid situation not being able to do much about it, I don't know what to say, except that she obviously needs help! It is sad that solicitors fees are so expensive :( Maybe you could offer to "take her daughter off her hands" for a few weeks while she's still in early pregnancy? That way, you might be able to get the message across a little more firmly that it's definitely not the girls fault? I don't know :/ :hugs:


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## hopeandpray

what effect will that have on a child so young? what an awful thing to tell her


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## RHR

OMG. that is disgusting. Poor little girls to think if they argue they'll think they're going "to kill the baby". How sad and extremely shocking. I can't believe someone would say that to child, no matter how old they are.


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## impatient1

I can't believe someone could say something so horrible to their child. I would have lost it on her.


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## Laura2919

Thats bloody awful!! Some people.. :growlmad: 

Stupid


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## mordino

OMG....that is so horrid! The girls will grow up with that in their memories! Imagine how it will affect them and their relationship with their mother. That woman should be careful with what she say!


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## reiller

O my god the poor littel mite Why would you say that to a 5 year old?
And it was most definatly said to her because they cannot come up with that themselves


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