# Any solo mum's out there?



## K.N

Any solo mummies (or daddies) to be currently TTC via assisted conception? Wonder if we can form a solo parent-to-be thread. There are plenty of lesbian support threads, or IVF support threads - but struggling to find a group for the single parents currently planning to conceive :)


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## birdlee337

K.N said:


> Any solo mummies (or daddies) to be currently TTC via assisted conception? Wonder if we can form a solo parent-to-be thread. There are plenty of lesbian support threads, or IVF support threads - but struggling to find a group for the single parents currently planning to conceive :)

I am!! Starting my second round of IUI process!! Best of luck to you!:dust:


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## K.N

Hi there! I just saw this Birdlee! Great! Hi, :). Any progress? Love talking with everyone on here, but just thought some 'solo-mum-to-be' talk might be good. There are plenty of solo mums, and people using donor sperm - but I haven't really come across too many people who are planning to be a solo mum.


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## cranberry

Yup. Planned and did it solo before and trying for the second now. I'm lesbian too :winkwink:


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## ILoveMySeabee

I guess since I lost my husband I will be a "single" mommy too....IF I EVER get pregnant


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## birdlee337

K.N said:


> Hi there! I just saw this Birdlee! Great! Hi, :). Any progress? Love talking with everyone on here, but just thought some 'solo-mum-to-be' talk might be good. There are plenty of solo mums, and people using donor sperm - but I haven't really come across too many people who are planning to be a solo mum.

I am now 1dpo....keeping busy so I don't go crazy!!! Best of luck! :dust:


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## K.N

ILoveMySeabee said:


> I guess since I lost my husband I will be a "single" mommy too....IF I EVER get pregnant


Aww sorry to hear :(


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## K.N

birdlee337 said:


> K.N said:
> 
> 
> Hi there! I just saw this Birdlee! Great! Hi, :). Any progress? Love talking with everyone on here, but just thought some 'solo-mum-to-be' talk might be good. There are plenty of solo mums, and people using donor sperm - but I haven't really come across too many people who are planning to be a solo mum.
> 
> I am now 1dpo....keeping busy so I don't go crazy!!! Best of luck! :dust:Click to expand...

o0oo the two week wait now. two weeks has never felt so long until i started ttc. Unfortunately another unsuccessful month for me - so trying again next month!


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## birdlee337

Ok at 10dpo. ...idk how I'm feeling to be honest. Frustrated mainly. I tested too early I know but got a BFN S supposed to test this coming Thursday. Hope y'all r holding up! :)


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## cranberry

Hi ladies, I'm a month out from embryo transfer. Just started Lupron last night. I worry about resting after the transfer because my almost 2 year old will most definitely want to be lifted up every second of the day. As a single parent with no family around, these things get real challenging. 

Good luck during the tww birdies and all the best for the next try kn.


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## K.N

birdlee337 said:


> Ok at 10dpo. ...idk how I'm feeling to be honest. Frustrated mainly. I tested too early I know but got a BFN S supposed to test this coming Thursday. Hope y'all r holding up! :)

Hmm - 10dpo - not to long to test again. On my first month of ttc back in feb. I paid so much on tests; think i got a little over excited. Now I just wait until period. I missed it once; but didn't take a test - Think it was a mmc - wish i had tested so id know if it was or wasnt! I'm at ovulation now - so about to begin another month. Best friend just out she's pregnant after two months of ttc - so feeling a little guttered!

Also; Cranberry - That must be tough. Good on you though!! I'm sure your little one will love a sibling :). I think 2 years is a neat age gap.


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## birdlee337

K.N said:


> birdlee337 said:
> 
> 
> Ok at 10dpo. ...idk how I'm feeling to be honest. Frustrated mainly. I tested too early I know but got a BFN S supposed to test this coming Thursday. Hope y'all r holding up! :)
> 
> Hmm - 10dpo - not to long to test again. On my first month of ttc back in feb. I paid so much on tests; think i got a little over excited. Now I just wait until period. I missed it once; but didn't take a test - Think it was a mmc - wish i had tested so id know if it was or wasnt! I'm at ovulation now - so about to begin another month. Best friend just out she's pregnant after two months of ttc - so feeling a little guttered!
> 
> Also; Cranberry - That must be tough. Good on you though!! I'm sure your little one will love a sibling :). I think 2 years is a neat age gap.Click to expand...

Got a :bfp:!!!!!!!!!!:happydance:
Did blood work as well....POSITIVE!!!!!!!:thumbup:


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## cranberry

:happydance: Congrats birdlee 

You go girl!


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## K.N

Congrats Birdlee!! :D


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## melodyy_mtb

cranberry said:


> Yup. Planned and did it solo before and trying for the second now. I'm lesbian too :winkwink:

Same here :thumbup: Well I'm wtt for my first! It'll be by AI with a donor in November. I'm single and a lesbian. I think a solo parent threat is a great idea.

Good luck everyone :dust:


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## 40isnotold

I like the idea. I will be doing this on my own. I will be 40 in February and never had children. I want one and can't wait for a partner at my age. I have an appointment Oct 9 with FS, so as soon as he says I can try IUI, I'm going to. The only thing I know at this point is that my AMH is 0.57.


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## melodyy_mtb

40isnotold said:


> I like the idea. I will be doing this on my own. I will be 40 in February and never had children. I want one and can't wait for a partner at my age. I have an appointment Oct 9 with FS, so as soon as he says I can try IUI, I'm going to. The only thing I know at this point is that my AMH is 0.57.

All the best hun. Do keep us informed :) xxx


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## K.N

Oh good luck Melody! I was hoping others would think it was a good idea. I know that there are solo-parenting threads around, but I struggled to find a 'planned' solo parent thread. It's a lot different going through the TTC stage alone, compared to with someone.


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## K.N

40isnotold said:


> I like the idea. I will be doing this on my own. I will be 40 in February and never had children. I want one and can't wait for a partner at my age. I have an appointment Oct 9 with FS, so as soon as he says I can try IUI, I'm going to. The only thing I know at this point is that my AMH is 0.57.

oooh, goodluck with it :). Let us know how you get on! :)


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## BrandiCanucks

Hi Ladies! I'm Brandi, single mom to Zoe, Isaiah, and Anberlin, and 5 days ago, I had a tubal reversal done. My youngest daughter was conceived via a known donor and we stayed friends over the last 3 years. He has stopped donating, but agreed to donate to me again so our daughter could have a full sibling. Over the last few months, though, sparks kind of began to fly so we're giving a relationship a try. He still lives about an hour away from me so I still am kinda doing this all on my own.

I can start TTC on November 5 when my 6 weeks recovery is up. I look forward to getting to know you guys!


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## cranberry

Wow Brandi, that's quite a story . Good luck with your new relationship and with your next try.

AFM: Well I went in for my suppression check this morning. I was freaking out a bit because I was cramping and spotting. Turns out my coordinator didn't tell me this would happen. I just thought my lining would be so thin nothing would be there to shed. Anyway, all is on track for my FET on Oct 22. I continue Lupron (which is making me a crazy mess) and start estrogen tomorrow. I'm doing all of this while starting work with a new team. Not the best timing I'm afraid.

I also forked over $3500 today. I am so afraid for my one little frosted and all I'm risking for this second kid :shrug: 

Trying to give myself a kick in the butt


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## melodyy_mtb

K.N said:


> Oh good luck Melody! I was hoping others would think it was a good idea. I know that there are solo-parenting threads around, but I struggled to find a 'planned' solo parent thread. It's a lot different going through the TTC stage alone, compared to with someone.

your so right. I had a look in the single parent, but the majority were either recently divorced, or recently single. 

Im looking forward to going through this journey with you ladies :hugs:


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## birdlee337

I am 4.5 weeks today. I got to see my lil pumpkin!!!!! I go back a week from Monday to hear the heart beat!!! :)


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## melodyy_mtb

birdlee337 said:


> I am 4.5 weeks today. I got to see my lil pumpkin!!!!! I go back a week from Monday to hear the heart beat!!! :)

That's amazing birdlee! :happydance: congratulations!

How's everyone else doing? Its drawing ever closer to my ttc time. November 3rd if everything goes to plan.


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## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> birdlee337 said:
> 
> 
> I am 4.5 weeks today.  I got to see my lil pumpkin!!!!! I go back a week from Monday to hear the heart beat!!! :)
> 
> o0oo That's so cool! Hearing the heartbeat is the best ever :). I haven't ever heard my own child, Because I dont have a child - But I know the scans that I've been too - it's the best sound ever.
> 
> 
> 
> BrandiCanucks said:
> 
> 
> Hi Ladies! I'm Brandi, single mom to Zoe, Isaiah, and Anberlin, and 5 days ago, I had a tubal reversal done. My youngest daughter was conceived via a known donor and we stayed friends over the last 3 years. He has stopped donating, but agreed to donate to me again so our daughter could have a full sibling. Over the last few months, though, sparks kind of began to fly so we're giving a relationship a try. He still lives about an hour away from me so I still am kinda doing this all on my own.
> 
> I can start TTC on November 5 when my 6 weeks recovery is up. I look forward to getting to know you guys!Click to expand...
> 
> Welcome Brandi! Wow, that's amazing - Can I ask, What exactly is a tubal reversal? (Sorry, not so good with all of the ttc terms and names etc for things!). That's good he's going to continue donating for you, full sibling aside - at least you know him already - and he knows you. And if sparks fly; then even better. :). Good luck for your journey!!
> 
> I've got another week to go before my monthly is due - but I'm not feeling any different at all. Didn't have a whole lot of ovulation symptoms like normal - So I'm thinking I may have ovulated early, we'll see. It can be so tricky sometimes. Bodies are weird things! 7 months trying so far. Wish there was a reason i knew why it hadn't worked so far! Maybe I've read too many, "first success" stories! Positive thoughts and baby dust to you all!! Baby growing dust to you Birdlee ;).Click to expand...


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## K.N

cranberry said:


> Wow Brandi, that's quite a story . Good luck with your new relationship and with your next try.
> 
> AFM: Well I went in for my suppression check this morning. I was freaking out a bit because I was cramping and spotting. Turns out my coordinator didn't tell me this would happen. I just thought my lining would be so thin nothing would be there to shed. Anyway, all is on track for my FET on Oct 22. I continue Lupron (which is making me a crazy mess) and start estrogen tomorrow. I'm doing all of this while starting work with a new team. Not the best timing I'm afraid.
> 
> I also forked over $3500 today. I am so afraid for my one little frosted and all I'm risking for this second kid :shrug:
> 
> Trying to give myself a kick in the butt


Aww - Goodluck for it all!. Hoping it works out the best for you, working with a new team can be hard enough - without the added hormones huh! Are you not eligible for govt funding or anything? Or are you just choosing not to take it? I looked into IUI if in-home doesn't work, but the cost in NZ - goodbye saving hahaa. All worth it though :).


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## BrandiCanucks

K.N. - After my youngest daughter was born in 2011, I had my tubes tied. I had surgery two weeks ago to untie them (tubal reversal)


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## K.N

BrandiCanucks said:


> K.N. - After my youngest daughter was born in 2011, I had my tubes tied. I had surgery two weeks ago to untie them (tubal reversal)

Ohh ok - I thought that's what it would be; but just had to double check - never can be too sure!


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## cranberry

K.N said:


> cranberry said:
> 
> 
> Wow Brandi, that's quite a story . Good luck with your new relationship and with your next try.
> 
> AFM: Well I went in for my suppression check this morning. I was freaking out a bit because I was cramping and spotting. Turns out my coordinator didn't tell me this would happen. I just thought my lining would be so thin nothing would be there to shed. Anyway, all is on track for my FET on Oct 22. I continue Lupron (which is making me a crazy mess) and start estrogen tomorrow. I'm doing all of this while starting work with a new team. Not the best timing I'm afraid.
> 
> I also forked over $3500 today. I am so afraid for my one little frosted and all I'm risking for this second kid :shrug:
> 
> Trying to give myself a kick in the butt
> 
> 
> Aww - Goodluck for it all!. Hoping it works out the best for you, working with a new team can be hard enough - without the added hormones huh! Are you not eligible for govt funding or anything? Or are you just choosing not to take it? I looked into IUI if in-home doesn't work, but the cost in NZ - goodbye saving hahaa. All worth it though :).Click to expand...

K.N. I'm in the US. I'm using private insurance. It was more generous than most. But I exhausted my benefits having the first kid. Now I have to pay out of pocket for most of it.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies,

Just a little update. I had an internal exam at the hospital a week ago due to some previous worries regaridng my heavy/irregular periods. Turns out I have a few cysts on my overies. It might not be full blown PCOS but just means it could take a bit longer for me to get pregnant.

Still, im hopeful that i'll get my BFP once i begin ttc. I move over begining of November. not long now!

Hows everyone else doing? xxx


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## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Hey ladies,
> 
> Just a little update. I had an internal exam at the hospital a week ago due to some previous worries regaridng my heavy/irregular periods. Turns out I have a few cysts on my overies. It might not be full blown PCOS but just means it could take a bit longer for me to get pregnant.
> 
> Still, im hopeful that i'll get my BFP once i begin ttc. I move over begining of November. not long now!
> 
> Hows everyone else doing? xxx

Heya; Thanks for the update! That's 'sucky' news :(. Would feel like such a setback :(. Hopefully it's not full blown, and that it doesn't put too much of a delay on the ttc process! Blowing lots of baby dust your way!

Speaking of baby dust; I'm currently 5 days late for my monthly - normally would be "YAY" - But I tested when I was 2 days late, and turned up a negative. Not really experiencing any symptoms either, so that's a bit of a worry. Trying to stay positive! But also not holding my breath, way back in may I was 12 days late - and no positive pregnancy; so I'm hoping it's not a repeat. It threw my cycle out of whack for a little after, and it's only just got back to normal again! Will keep you all updated! Going to retest on Tuesday if there's still no monthly by then. Fingers crossed it will be a positive! Would be nice! We'll see :).


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## melodyy_mtb

Yeah i was a bit bummed but then I thought to myself that I haven't even tried yet. November will be my first time ttc so I shouldn't give up before I've even started. My doctor seems hopeful as my periods are regular just long. I do ovulate as I have been charting with OPKs for a few months, so not all bad news. 

She did say that it is a good time to start ttc as I'm still young and it could take a while. 

Thanks for the baby dust. Sprinkling lots your way too. I hope you get your BFP!! x


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## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Yeah i was a bit bummed but then I thought to myself that haven't even tried yet. November will be my first time ttc so I shouldn't give up before I've even started. My doctor seems hopeful as my are regular just long. I do ovulate as I have been charting with OPKs for a few month,s so not all bad news.

Definitely - You never know the course nature will take, people with no health complications can take ages to conceive, Yet people with many complications can conceive quickly. All comes down to timing, and luck really if the little swimmers make it to their destination or not. 
Oh also, no BFP in my house yet - monthly came last night - so guttered. But at the same time expected it. Another month ahead I guess then :).


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## melodyy_mtb

Sorry you didnt get your bfp this month :sad1:

I have a feeling November is going to be lucky for us all so fingers crossed :dust:


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## fairytales87

Hi Ladies!!

I haven't posted on the forum much but I saw this post and had to reply

After a change in my life circumstances, I'm just starting to look into becoming a solo mummy, Its all a bit mind boggling still so much to look into and consider before I can actually start the process of treatment, I hope I can still post on the thread even tho I am at the very start of my journey.

Fairytales xx


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## melodyy_mtb

cranberry said:


> Hi ladies, I'm a month out from embryo transfer. Just started Lupron last night. I worry about resting after the transfer because my almost 2 year old will most definitely want to be lifted up every second of the day. As a single parent with no family around, these things get real challenging.
> 
> Good luck during the tww birdies and all the best for the next try kn.

Hope it all goes well. What made you decide to go at it solo, if you don't mind me asking? Haven't found any other single lesbians ttc on here lol.


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## cranberry

melodyy_mtb said:


> cranberry said:
> 
> 
> Hi ladies, I'm a month out from embryo transfer. Just started Lupron last night. I worry about resting after the transfer because my almost 2 year old will most definitely want to be lifted up every second of the day. As a single parent with no family around, these things get real challenging.
> 
> Good luck during the tww birdies and all the best for the next try kn.
> 
> Hope it all goes well. What made you decide to go at it solo, if you don't mind me asking? Haven't found any other single lesbians ttc on here lol.Click to expand...

Melody, I decided to go solo a year after my partner and I broke up. I was not ready to invest in a new relationship then add a new baby to the mix. I felt it would be a recipe for disaster. I didn't have time to do relationship, let it bake then have the baby. I was pushing 37 when the breakup happened. 

AFM: Embry transfer tomorrow and because I screwed up my days, my donor (a friend and father of my toddler) will be taking me to my appointments and picking the kid up from daycare. This kind of convoluted scenarios only happen to me :haha:


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## K.N

fairytales87 said:


> Hi Ladies!!
> 
> I haven't posted on the forum much but I saw this post and had to reply
> 
> After a change in my life circumstances, I'm just starting to look into becoming a solo mummy, Its all a bit mind boggling still so much to look into and consider before I can actually start the process of treatment, I hope I can still post on the thread even tho I am at the very start of my journey.
> 
> Fairytales xx

Course you can post! Welcome :). Nice to have someone else to talk with too. Goodluck with the start of your journey! 


Hope everything goes well Cranberry! That's nice of your donor to do :). All the best x


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## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Sorry you didnt get your bfp this month :sad1:
> 
> I have a feeling November is going to be lucky for us all so fingers crossed :dust:

Hahaa thanks Melody! I'm hoping so! November would be a perfect month! :). We decided that we wouldn't go over December - Donor has 2 of his own kids - by his own; i mean kids he hasn't donated for hahaa. So he wants to spend xmas with them - And I have my own siblings and family, so figured we would have a break over December - But he's happy to start again january, just hope we don't have too!


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## melodyy_mtb

Cranberry: I know what you mean. I've seriously wanted children for about 4 years now but I did not want to wait for the possibility of maybe meting the right person. I don't see myself getting into a serious relationship for a while, and now with the possible pcos, i'd rather start ttc now. 

KN: Well I've got my fingers crossed for you next month!


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## melodyy_mtb

How's everyone doing? Any updates? I'll be ttc for the first time next week Tuesday :happydance: Anyone else ttc around this time? 

I have a donor who'll be helping me via AI. I'll be staying in a hotel for a few days during my fw.


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## cranberry

i'm in tww. still testing negative. in a few hours i'll be 7dp5dt. trying to hang on to hope.

good luck on your next cycle melody


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## Blueberri

AI is one of this things I'm looking into. After a few friends in my journal talked about it. I was afraid to go into this forum but this thread, I hope, I can post in!


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## BrandiCanucks

Currently 2dpo, 3dpinsem


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## cranberry

I think i'm out. I'm still getting :bfn:. I'm using internet cheapies. I am also beginning to feel some more pronounced cramping - maybe my period is about to start. 

This afternoon will be 8dp5dt.

Sadly, I have no plan B.


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## melodyy_mtb

Thank you. I wouldn't give up hope just yet Cranberry. You're still in your tww right? And the cramping could be implantation. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. :hugs: That goes for you too Brandi. I have my fc for both of you. Hope we start getting some bfps in here!

@Bluberri: AI has always been on the cards for me. It just makes sense. I hope you feel comfortable enough to post here. Everyone's lovely. and if you have any donation related questions or just fancy a chat, please dont hesitate to inbox me.


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## BrandiCanucks

Donation is great! If it wasn't for donation, I wouldn't have my youngest.


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## Caite

Hi. Can I come join your thread? I didn't realise that there were so many people planning to go it alone on here.

I'm single, 27 years old and a student. I plan to start TTC next spring, starting at some point between March and June, depending on whether I can get a job straight after qualifying.

I have been looking in to sperm banks in Denmark because of their anonymous donors. I was thinking self insemination, but have also started looking into clinics over there to see if they treat women from England.


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## cranberry

I'm out


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## Caite

Cranberry, I'm so sorry. Good luck for next month :hugs:


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww Cranberry, so sorry, but lots of :dust: for next month!

Hey Catie, welcome. I haven't been on here for long but I was really happy to find this thread. Its comforting to know there are other women ttc on their own. I'll be doing it AI with a donor from a sperm donation site. What made you consider Denmark instead of the clinics in the UK?


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## Caite

I know, it's so nice to have found this thread. I'm WTT at the moment, and think I'm the only one on there, that I've 'spoken to' at least who is going it alone.

I decided to look in to other countries as I didn't like the fact that sperm donors are not anonymous here. I had a bit of a panic about what happens. I mean, does the child just get a letter on their 18th birthday from the clinic saying 'congratulations, your father is...?'

In Denmark, clinics also sell sperm direct to women, which means that it is less clinical. However, I have now started looking in to clinics, but they also look less clinical than the UK. I also like the fact that, with sperm from Denmark, my future child is less likely to meet a half sibling.

I think it also works out cheaper even with paying for flights to Denmark, from what I can remember - it has been a couple of years since I started looking into it, and I looked in to the UK option quite early on.

I'm not sure that I would be brave enough to do it via a sperm donor site. I know a couple of women who have, and it's been absolutely fine for them. But I just like the idea that the sperm has been checked in a clinic.

So you're about to start TTC? Let us know how you get on


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## melodyy_mtb

I've never considered that another country might work out cheaper. It can be very pricey here, which was part of the reason I decided to go the other route. But I understand why you'd prefer complete anonymity, and also lessening the chance of your child running into their half brother/sister.

As far as im aware the process with clinics here is that once the child turns 18 they have the right to inquire about their donor father. I don't think they get a "hey im your dad" card though lol. I've heard some horror stories about donor sites but I've also heard a lot of successful ones. Personally i've been in contact with my donor for months, and he'll be providing current sti test results. When i started thinking about ttc i initially wanted a completely anonymous donor, so i was looking into clinics, but since then I've realised i would like my child to have the opportunity to know their bio dad, should they choose to. And luckily, my donor is ok with that. 

I'll be ttc next from tuesday till thursday. Fingers crossed! When do you think you'll be ttc?


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## Caite

Good luck for next week!

I'm probably looking at somewhere between March and June to start TTC. I finish uni in March and I need to get a job afterwards. Fortunately, I'm employed by the NHS to be a student, and when I qualify, I'll continue to work in the NHS, so my continuity of service will continue, which will mean proper maternity pay and what not


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## K.N

Haven't been on here for a few days - Aw hugs Cranberry! Lots of baby dust your way for next month! X fingers. :(. 
Another fertile cycle over for me now - the tww begins :(. I'm not certain though, my past two cycles I've had hardly any egg white CM - so I hope it means I'm not ovulating properly. My last cycle was late - monthly came about 8 days late; so of course that's put this month behind too. I've got a maybe baby ovulation test on its way - have any of you heard of those? Hoping it'll help me out to pinpoint ovulation so we can get things under way on the right date. 

Big welcome Caite! I'm doing it self-insemination, But I've been going for 7 cycles now - so am going to have to start looking into other options I think. Which is a bummer. My donor is soooooooo nice, and he's living in NZ with English blood - just like me. I was really stoked to be able to continue to british blood through my baby - without being in England! I found him on a NZ sperm donor site too. I'd much prefer to go through a clinic; but there are very few options with that sort of thing here :(. He's really nice though - we have a contract; and he's shown me all his STI checks and health check etc - so he's one of the few good ones. To be safe; after our first cycle I also got a health check myself - juuuuust to be sure - but it all came back clear :).

That's interesting your country don't offer anon donors! I guess each persons requirements would be different; but I think if I couldn't have my donor - I'd prefer an anonymous one. 

Goodluck with your TTC Melody!! X fingers and lots of baby dust!!


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## Caite

Good luck for the TWW KN.

I think it was back in 2005 that they changed the laws about sperm and egg donation and made it all non-anonymous.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thank you ladies! :hugs:

Catie - That makes sense you want to wait till you're settled in a job. I'm a permanent member of staff where i work, so the job security is good. My company have great maternity leave, so that's one less thing to stress about. 

KN - Your donor sounds awesome, and very reassuring which is great. Fx for you this cycle. I really hope you get that bfp!!!

Well i got my first positive opk yesterday, and another today. So its all system's go. My cp is high but I don't have that ewcm like i did this time last cycle which is a bit worrying, but im trying to stay positive. I'll be inseminating today, tomorrow, and thursday!


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## Caite

Good luck Melody

I'm hoping there is a job where I'm training at the moment - the managers think there will be


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## melodyy_mtb

...and im back! How has everyone been? Have I missed anything?

I've just got back from the hotel. I was there for two days, and my donor donated on both days. I'm officially in the 2ww as of today! So i'm joining you KN. Fx for us both! :dust:


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## BrandiCanucks

Got my :bfp: this morning!!! :happydance:


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## K.N

BrandiCanucks said:


> Got my :bfp: this morning!!! :happydance:

Woooohoooo - Congrats :)

- And welcome to the tww Melody! I didn't have the egcm either - so that makes both of us!

Fingers x'd for a position for you at your workplace Caite :D Would make things a lot easier if you to have that security when starting to ttc.


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## melodyy_mtb

BrandiCanucks said:


> Got my :bfp: this morning!!! :happydance:

OMG! Congratulations Brandi! :happydance:

x


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## BrandiCanucks

Thank you! So excited!!


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## K.N

BrandiCanucks said:


> Thank you! So excited!!

I can imagine!:) That happened quick for you! :D

How's everyone else? It's such a lovely day here today - after all the rain we've had, it's nice to have some sun :)


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## birdlee337

Had my 10 week sonogram. Lil peanut was moving all around. Was too cute!!!! Go back in two weeks for down syndrome test and to check my weight and nausea. Have lost 25 pds since I got pregnant. :( darn nausea!!!!!! :(


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## melodyy_mtb

That's so awesome Birdie. I'm so happy for you!!!

Things are ok here KN. I'm feeling good today...sadly lol. I've been welcoming cramps, nausea and other possible early positive symptoms lol. How about you?


----------



## Caite

Congratulations Brandi. 

Good luck Melody.

KN - thank you. I would be OK anywhere in the NHS (regarding maternity leave), I think. It would be handy getting a job where I am training as I know how that place works, but there are a couple of other places slightly further away which would be OK, too.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Thanks Catie :)

KN when will you test? A ttc buddy of mine wants to test 10dpo but I want to hold out till 14dpo


----------



## EloiseW

Hi! I am solo and would love to know how your process is going and if you used a really good clinic or there is a big website in the UK called Co-Parenting. I am thinking of trying that. Based in London area. Thanks and good luck.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Cranberry: Just wanted to know how you were doing. I just realised you said that you don't have a plan b in one of your previoud posts. Does that mean you wont be ttc next month? :(

Eloise: Hey welcome! Well im based in Berkshire, i didn't use a clinic for several reasons, one of them being the cost. I went with a sperm donor I found on a donation site. I researched a lot for years and spoke to my donor for months. If you have any questions etc, feel free to pm me.

afm: I'm feeling really doubtful about this cycle :( I feel like I may have screwed up my dates. My opks were positive but my bbt didnt rise. Today i did an opk just for the hell of it and it was pos again! Grrr I wonder if i had a false o due to stress of wanting to bloody o! lol


----------



## K.N

I'll lay my reply out the same way as you Melody rather than seperate comments for each message  I usually test at 14dpo - 2 weeks after ovulation. But usually my monthly is so on time - that I don't need to test, I just wait till the witch comes - and then I know if I am or not. BUT I have been tricked; once back in may - I was 2 weeks late; and I took a test the day I was late and got a negative, and then when I was a week late - and it had a tiiiiny really really faint line, so I made a dr's appointment but my monthly came before the appointment. So we just rulled it as a mmc or something. A bit of a mystery. But then last month, I was 7 days late - so I tested and still got a negative. So this month I'll wait till my monthly, and if she doesn't come - then I'll test.
In terms of early symptoms? I haven't really felt anything either. Been drinking an incredible amount of water and still having a dry mouth, had a lot of reflux/heartburn, ewcm - which is weird (i have tested for ovulation, and definitely not that) - so some symptoms that could possibly be early symptoms, but I think they're just my body wishing it was pregnant, and making it's own symptoms up if that makes sense lol.

Birdlee - Thats awesome you got to see your little bub! Goodluck with all your tests etc :). Eugh Nausea is the worst huh! Not looking forward to that! Keep us updated with how it goes!

Eloise - Welcome! Unfortunately I'm based in NZ, so not a lot of help with clinics etc over there. But welcome to the page - it's amazing how many planned solo-mums there are, or solo-mums to be.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hehehe it's just easier isnt it.

Well I think I'll follow suit and test when af is due. Although I cant speak for my future self. I can just imagine getting to 10dpo and not being able to stop myself from testing hehehe


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Hehehe it's just easier isnt it.
> 
> Well I think I'll follow suit and test when af is due. Although I cant speak for my future self. I can just imagine getting to 10dpo and not being able to stop myself from testing hehehe

Hahaa it's so hard ae! Stupid tww. Wish there was a way to just know ;)
My tww is definitely a lot harder than most. 
Been soo thirsty, drinking a lot of water (could just be heat related), Been experiencing nausea since Sat (worse in the morning and night, afternoon is alright), heartburn and reflux are settling in every time i eat or drink. I don't think it's pregnancy related - should still be too early to have such prominent symptoms. So just want to test - but i know that it'll just show negative - about 5 days until AF is due :/.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Aww KN sounds like you're having an intense tww, but I think the worse the better as they all sound like positive symptoms!

I've had a lot of back pain which is weird for me as I never get aback ache. I also decided to start doing opk's for no reason other than I have like 50 hahaha, they'v been positive since yesterday :/

I am a bit worried about a dull ache in my vaginal area lol. Has anyone ever had this?


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Aww KN sounds like you're having an intense tww, but I think the worse the better as they all sound like positive symptoms!
> 
> I've had a lot of back pain which is weird for me as I never get aback ache. I also decided to start doing opk's for no reason other than I have like 50 hahaha, they'v been positive since yesterday :/
> 
> I am a bit worried about a dull ache in my vaginal area lol. Has anyone ever had this?

It has been intense! But I've been so let down by symptoms in the past - so I don't think it's pregnancy :(. I took a test today anyway (despite my best efforts not to test); And got 1 single little line. So while it still could be too early, my hopes aren't high. I used a Discover test - They're meant to be able to pick up hcg levels as early as 6 days before a missed period. So you would think that 3 days before AF due - it would show.
I guess I will get to test out my new ovulation predictor microscope thing then afterall! 

And oh I haven't heard about an ache there before - but you never know! People experience all sorts of different symptoms. Weird that the OPK tests are showing positive! I've never used an OPK before - does that mean ovulation is coming when they're positive?

How's everyone else doing in their early pregnancy, wait to ttc or in their 2ww???


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Aww KN I wouldnt give up yet. Not until you actually see af lol. I'm the same, I did a test yesterday at 6dpo. I have no idea what i was expecting to see hahah. Obviously it was negative.

The ache has gone, just irritable (insanely so) and ovary cramps today. Opk's detect an LH surge right before you o. They say it predicts o in the next 12-24 hours so you should definitely bd when you see a +opk. I have read that they can also pick up pregnancy hormones, but Im not sure how true that is.


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Aww KN I wouldnt give up yet. Not until you actually see af lol. I'm the same, I did a test yesterday at 6dpo. I have no idea what i was expecting to see hahah. Obviously it was negative.
> 
> The ache has gone, just irritable (insanely so) and ovary cramps today. Opk's detect an LH surge right before you o. They say it predicts o in the next 12-24 hours so you should definitely bd when you see a +opk. I have read that they can also pick up pregnancy hormones, but Im not sure how true that is.

Yeah - it's hard waiting though! Was hoping this month was the month, in fact - funny story - my mum came home from the op shop with two peter rabbit body suits she found in almost perfect condition. She said to me, thought you lmight like these! But she doesn't even know I'm trying to conceive so it was weird hahaa. 
I tested again this morning - since it's my "day to test" - but another negative. Used a different brand test too. So just counting down for af I think :). I'm due the 18th/19th. 

That's interesting about your positive opk then - let's hope it picking up pregnancy hormones are correct ;) that would be cool for you! But as you said there are so many different stories out there and you never know until af is here! I use a saliva based o test - so it's a bit different too urine ones. 
All the best for you! I hope your cramps etc mean something!!! Lots of baby dust your way :)


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Lol i swear/ mums have some sort of 6th sense when it comes to their children. My mum is always doing things like that. Once we both bought the same phone for me on the same day. She's started warning me before she buys me gifts now, just in case i've already purchased it.

Sorry you got a bfn yesterday :( I'm still holding out hope for you though, until af shows.

I've got really bad cramps today, i can hardly get up. Feels like af but im only 9dp so i dunno. 

Ho do saliva o tests work?


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Lol i swear/ mums have some sort of 6th sense when it comes to their children. My mum is always doing things like that. Once we both bought the same phone for me on the same day. She's started warning me before she buys me gifts now, just in case i've already purchased it.
> 
> Sorry you got a bfn yesterday :( I'm still holding out hope for you though, until af shows.
> 
> I've got really bad cramps today, i can hardly get up. Feels like af but im only 9dp so i dunno.
> 
> Ho do saliva o tests work?

Hahaa yeah - They sure do! It was a pink bodysuit too - so maybe a girl is in my books! - Funny actually. My best friend often dreams about me with a baby, and it's always a girl. And the few dreams of a baby I've had - It's always a girl too. So that'll be interesting to see hopefully in the near future one day! 

That's funny about the gifts - my dad always asks me what to buy me. So i know what i get every year for xmas, but i hardly ever spend christmas with him - so it's no biggie.

Hmm - Cramps have been knowing to be a common symptom. Often people don't realise they're pregnant, and just think AF is coming. But then going by symptoms isn't really easy - coz everything can mean pregnancy if you think about it! All my symptoms are gone, aside from regular headaches - but summers approaching. So could be that. Getting a negative yesterday was a bit gutting, coz i would say I'm gunna be in for another cycle (or few more) - but as you said, not counting out until AF is here. Trying to stay positive though!


----------



## K.N

Ps - Saliva tests work similar to most opks with how it detects the hormone etc - just in stead of causing 2 lines, it causes a little fern lol. They're reusable as often as you like too - so that's good! They're a little microscope thing - like the size of a lipstick, and you put a little bit of saliva on the lens and wait for it to dry, then you look through it with this little light and it shows you whether you're ovulating or not - approx up to 3 days before O day. When you're not ovulating, you just see tiny little dots. The closer to ovulation - you see little ferns - the more ferns the closest to ovulation you are. 

https://www.maybebaby.com.au/maybe-baby-easy-ovulation-tester&sub=interpreting-your-results 

Here's a link for the maybe baby one - which is the one I have :).


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## melodyy_mtb

Those look so cool! I'm a sucker for gadgets lol, I might get some. That's so spooky about your friend dreaming you'll have a girl. My firend has been doing the same, and me! It's funny because I've always wanted a boy or boys, but since i started ttc I cant shake the feeling I'm going to have a girl.

Well I'm officially out! :cry::cry::cry:

AF came today, its light but definitely here. 4 days early ugh. I'm sad but not too much as this is only my first cycle ttc. So onto cycle 2! I'll definitely be temping like a maniac, I cant even be sure i o'd this month :/


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## K.N

Awwww that sucks - sorry to hear :( even if you know it's only the first month etc, it's still gutting. All the best for next month though! Positive thoughts and baby dust! 

My af isn't here yet - due today. It's such a waiting game, but another test was negative -
So I'd say it's gunna be here. Like you, I'm not even sure I ovulated this month. 

And that's funny - who knows whether these gut instincts mean anything - but it's still something to think about in the waiting games! :). 

The gadget is cool - a bit pricey mine is worth about $90 - but by the time you buy countless urine ones anyway - $90 isn't so bad. I don't know what they cost over there though :).


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## melodyy_mtb

It's true. I didnt feel to bad when the witch came, but after a few hours i became really sad. Just sucks :( But im already planning for my next donation. 

How are you feeling, i wouldnt give up until af definitely shows.


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> It's true. I didnt feel to bad when the witch came, but after a few hours i became really sad. Just sucks :( But im already planning for my next donation.
> 
> How are you feeling, i wouldnt give up until af definitely shows.

Yeah :( every cycle is like that! But I find the witch better than constant negatives :( hang in there though! You'll get your bfp!! 

the past 2 months my cycle has been a bit interesting and I'm not sure of I'm ovulating, so af was due yesterday - but for all I know I could have ovulated late - and it's due in a few days. We'll see. My test yesterday was negative - so I'll just wait now until af shows - if she's not here in a few days - I'll test again :). But I feel really warm, and have a sore tummy, and a Metallicy taste in my mouth - could be either pregnancy related, or a sign af is on her way :) I hate the waiting game! Even worse when it's extended! 2 weeks is hard enough hahaha.


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## Lovelymo79

Hi all! My name is Mo and I am a 34 y/o single mother by choice to be! I haven't met my dream guy yet so I'm concentrating on meeting my dream baby! I had 1 IUI but it was timed late so I'm moving on to iui #2 next week! I'm on CD 2 and believing that I will be done after this one! 

So glad to meet you all!


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## melodyy_mtb

Ooo I've read that a metallicy taste is a really good sign. Hang in there hun. Got my FX for you!!!

I'm really beginning to doubt whether I o'd this month too lol. I had ewcm the previous month, but remember i was going on about just having creamy cm this month. I know my opk would detect my body trying to o, but my temp didn't raise too much, so im not sure.

Hey Mo! Welcome. So nice yo have you here. So it's your 2nd iui next week? Exciting. I hope you get your bfp.


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## Lovelymo79

Yes, it's my 2nd IUI next week. I have studied my cycle and went in a day late last time. This time, I plan on being on time and on top of that little eggie! I got my AMH and progesterone levels drawn last week and they were good. I'm getting my FSH level drawn today for a complete picture. 

I'm praying and believing for a BFP! Getting pregnant around Thanksgiving and finding out around Christmas would be the best feeling!


----------



## K.N

Lovelymo79 said:


> Yes, it's my 2nd IUI next week. I have studied my cycle and went in a day late last time. This time, I plan on being on time and on top of that little eggie! I got my AMH and progesterone levels drawn last week and they were good. I'm getting my FSH level drawn today for a complete picture.
> 
> I'm praying and believing for a BFP! Getting pregnant around Thanksgiving and finding out around Christmas would be the best feeling!

o00o - good luck with your second IUI :) Will be praying for you too!! A BFP would be a great xmas present!! 

And Melody - Still no AF, but still no BFP either :( Last month I was just under a week late. And I was the same with the CM. I did have some ewcm - but not as much as normal. And not really on the right dates either. Our cycles seem so similar - weird! The dates are similar, and even the symptoms of whether we actually O'd or not hahaha! Ohwell - If AF comes, then I'm already preparing for next month :) Maybe my cycle has decided it's closer to 35 days rather than 28! I'm always been a 28 day er - for ages - i was never late. But now, man it's all over the place lol.


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## Lovelymo79

K.N, you're not out until the ugly fat lady sings! And seems like what seems normal never is when you start TTCing! Lol!


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## K.N

Lovelymo79 said:


> And seems like what seems normal never is when you start TTCing! Lol!

Totally true! 
As soon as the 'ttc' gets put into the cycle, it all gets mucked up huh. Staying positive though
Lots of BFP's on the boards - so we'll all get ours soon; a couple of people from this thread have had theirs - so there is hope :)

Still no AF.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww KN it does seem like there's a lot of similarities with our cycles hehe. I have no idea what my body is doing, and just as i think i notice a pattern, it decided to screw me over lol.

Lovelymo is right though, nothing's normal or even abnormal when it comes to ttc so stay hopeful. I'm paring this is your month! You too Lovelymo, we will get our BFPs!

Has anyone heard of Geritol? I've just started taking it lol.


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## Caite

Welcome Mo.

Fingers crossed for you all.

What's geritol, melody?


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## melodyy_mtb

It's a multivitamin tonic with lots of iron in it as well as other stuff. Apparently it helps with fertility. Some women refer to it as 'a baby in a bottle' lol. 

I read up on it a lot before i ordered it. I'm anemic and the iron content really appealed to me. But I must say, im feeling great!


----------



## Caite

Might have to look in to that.


----------



## Lovelymo79

I tried Geritol the month I did my first IUI. Granted I believe I was too late and that's why it didn't work but I chucked the geritol after it didn't work. Couldn't stomach the taste anymore! 

Are you getting the liquid or pills, melody?


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## melodyy_mtb

Lol yeah it tastes disgusting:sick: I usually have a glass of water near by to chug as soon as I've taken it. I have the liquid.

There's nothing concrete out there to say it definitely works but i thought it would be worth a try, especially as im anemic..

You excited about your next IUI mo?


----------



## Lovelymo79

Even with juice as a chaser, it still was bad. I don't even think it was the taste so much as the smell! 

I am very excited about this IUI because I believe this one is the one! I already know my due date and all! Lol!


----------



## K.N

Hey guys! I'm out - Witch caught me yesterday. Talked with my donor - and we're gunna meet up early december for my next ovulation - and so we'll try then, but then we have decided to skip January and February because I said to him that in Feb I'll be in Aussie, so that month is out - plus January - I just wasn't keen on travelling abroad if I happened to get pregnant - I'd only be 4 weeks pregnant, and I'd hate my self if I misscarried or anything. He was fine for that. So hopefully next month is the month! Or we'll be waiting till March :(.

I haven't heard of geritol - but it sounds good. I'm also low in iron, so I might look into it. I've been looking into a few fertility teas etc and that sort of thing; but it's so hard to know what actually works - and what's just money making. 

Goodluck with your next IUI lovelymo! Will definitely be thinking and hoping for you :)


----------



## Lovelymo79

Thanks, K.N! I'm super excited and will keep you guys posted!


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Aww KN so sorry the :witch: got you this month :sad1: I've only had one cycle of ttc and i already felt so low after af came. I hope you're ok. Onward and upwards to the next cycle with me yaaay lol. It would be awesome if you got a BFP in time for Christmas. I hope you don't have to wait till March. 

So far I cant fault the Geritol. Obviously I don't know if it will make me pregnant, but I'm enjoying the benefits of having higher iron levels. It can be hard to know what works and what's just rubbish. 

I know of a few things which so many women have said helped them:-

Geritol - an old wives tail mostly but there's a lot of bfp reports
Vitex - herbal pills, supposed to be good, but i stated taking it 
last month, and im pretty sure it shortened my cycle.
Soy Isoflaves - works like a natural alternative to clomid


----------



## Caite

KN, sorry AF turned up :hugs:


----------



## Lovelymo79

Had my IUI today. First, again, numbers are not in my favor. My dream baby daddy only delivered 4 million post wash, 65% motility. Lower than the 6 million I had the first time and lower motility. My baby daddy may look hot but he isn't acting so hot. I need to find out exactly how much was in there pre-wash, especially since they guarantee 15 million. So we'll see. 

My regular doc and nurse are on vacation so one of the fellows performed it. It actually went smoother than when my regular doc did it. Plus, my best friend was in the room and as soon as the doc and MA walked in, we told them we were setting the mood and I played Marvin Gaye's "Let Get It On" while she was doing the IUI. Everyone thought it was hilarious! 

We took pics of the vials and the doc for a baby book. What a way to bring in a baby!


----------



## K.N

Thanks guys! Like Melody said - onwards and upwards. Planning another week of ttc soon - so that's good. Unfortunately it's my last week of work next week till after christmas - so i wasnt able to get time off. Catching ovulation might be trickier this month :(
But the good news is - my trip to australia may be post poned until may - so if it is, then i may not be out for jan/feb after all :)

I looked into the geritol over here - and the closest thing i could find was something called floradix. But i might look into it over summer anyway, the idea of all the extra nutrients sounds good on its own :)

That's such a cool idea taking photos of it all lovelymo! Will be so cool to look back on in a baby book :)
I really hope this round is successful for you!! That's funny the song you were playing, would've lightened the room! Baby dust and luck! :)


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Mo sounds like you were able to keep the whole process light! Lol Marvin Gaye. I hope this one takes for you, even if the post-wash count was lower than expected. You're in the tww now! :D

How are the plans going for your next cycle KN? I know what you mean about timing, and getting time off work. I have to travel to my Donor, but not sure if I can get the time off this cycle. However, I do have a back up who lives close to me. He's actually quite perfect on paper, and in person. I'm seriously considering using him instead for this cycle and any further ones, if i need him.


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Mo sounds like you were able to keep the whole process light! Lol Marvin Gaye. I hope this one takes for you, even if the post-wash count was lower than expected. You're in the tww now! :D
> 
> How are the plans going for your next cycle KN? I know what you mean about timing, and getting time off work. I have to travel to my Donor, but not sure if I can get the time off this cycle. However, I do have a back up who lives close to me. He's actually quite perfect on paper, and in person. I'm seriously considering using him instead for this cycle and any further ones, if i need him.


My plans are going well - my ovulation is meant to be around the end of the upcoming week - but since im confirming with an ovulation tester for the first time its a bit more touch and go. I did manage to get Thursday off though - and then of course the weekend - so im hoping i have a later ovuation rather than an earlier one this month!!

And oh yepp - how far do you have to travel? Is it far? My donor lives out of town too - approximate 45 minutes, but he travels in to me - and has no problems with that. is easiest for both of us. So im quite lucky. Goodluck though, with it all - If he's prepared to help you and it can take away one stress of travel too - then i say go with it! :)


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Aww I hope you o as planned. It's so tricky planning these things. But you are very lucky that your donor is only 45 mins away and will travel to you. My donor is quite far. About 2 hours on the train and he can't always travel.

I might not be able to inseminate at all this month! My cycles seem to be going mental. The last one finished earlier than it should and if my opks are anything to go by, I o'd today! :/ I'm pretty sure its that Vitex im taking. The good thing is, it seems to be regulating my cycles down from 40+ days to 28/30. The bad news is its making it damn near impossible to plan anything.

I'm reviewing a new possible donor who lives in the same town as me, so I'll keep you posted. Fingers crossed for all you ladies this month!


----------



## K.N

Should be fertile by now - but the testers not reading as fertile yet, so we're holding off - hoping it'll come. Could be why my periods have been so late. Maybe they haven't been late at all, my ovulation has been! Got some egg white cm though - but im not sure why thats there and yet im not fertile. Is the Vitex that chaste tree stuff? I was thinking of buying some last night when i was reading up on it a bit. Have you had any adverse reactions? Would you recommend it in terms of regulating cycles? They say it can take 3 months for the effects to settle in properly for ttc. All the best for your ovulation Melody! Did you manage to get some attempts in at all?
Hopefully an in town donor can help you! It is so much easier, I mean 45 minutes is a hassle - but as you said, At least he's there whenever i need him - and he's really good. There needs to be more guys like him around for all the other single ladies!


----------



## Lovelymo79

I'm dying in the 2ww. I am trying to remain positive but I took a test 6dpo and 7dpo and of course, BFN. I know, I know. Way too early. But still! I have absolutely no symptoms at all! Not even made up ones. 

It's now 8dpo (at 3am) and I am not going to test again until 10dpo (Saturday). I really don't want to see AF!


----------



## K.N

Lovelymo79 said:


> I'm dying in the 2ww. I am trying to remain positive but I took a test 6dpo and 7dpo and of course, BFN. I know, I know. Way too early. But still! I have absolutely no symptoms at all! Not even made up ones.
> 
> It's now 8dpo (at 3am) and I am not going to test again until 10dpo (Saturday). I really don't want to see AF!

Oh the dreaded 2 week wait!! Stay positive, drink heaps water - and hopefully the baby dust will bring your baby wishes!! Praying for you!!
I find it so hard to go by symptoms, noone in my family have felt symptoms until about 9weeks - so just coz there's no symptoms - you could still be!

All the best though! Let us know when you retest - or if there are any changes between now and then!! :).


----------



## Lovelymo79

Thanks!! I'm going to retest on Saturday, Monday and Wednesday. Still holding out hope to see that BFP!


----------



## kedwards1982

Hello ladies!! 

I had been looking for a thread like this! I am a single mom and my ex got custody of my DD. (that's a long story, but basically I was lied to and tricked). Anyway, my DD talked about having a brother or sister and it got me thinking. I have done so much research and came across a donor site that is free. Finally found a donor and he has the :spermy: shipped to me overnight. As of right now, currently waiting on a fedex to get it here. According to my Clearblue, it's time! I'm anxious to get inseminated. This will be my 3rd try. I'm so hoping it will work this time. Last night I bought some preseed to help with the process since I hear it does help. However I do not have a syringe, (didn't think about it while I was at the store) so I will probably just wash the vial carefully and then just dump it in directly and then put my cup in right after. The last two times, I had poured the sample into the cup and pinched it to insert it but the semen would leak out. Last time, it was almost half the sample! I cannot afford to waste a single drop! So I'm going a different route.


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## melodyy_mtb

*KN* I think that is the same stuff. I haven't had any negative effects from it but I really think it is regulating my cycles. So even though its upsetting that I've missed yet another month :(, at least hopefully the time i need to wait each month will be shorter!

It looks like I o'd on the 4th which was cd18. I usually o on cd27! My cycles usually last 40 days so I'm excited to see if af shows on the 28th day :O

Have you o'd yet? Your donor sounds lovely. We definitely need more guys like that. The in town one I spoke to has just had his std tests done, he should get the results in about 10 days. so hopefully [-o&lt; we'll be set for January! I hope you o soon if you haven't already. I wanna see that BFP! x

*Lovelymo* How are you feeling? The tww can drive you insane. I was testing every day from like 8dpo lol

*Kedwards* Heeey welcome:hi: Everyone's lovely here, hope you enjoy the thread. I use softcups too as well as syringes. I was thinking of putting the spermies right into the cup but it sounds like that's a bit tricky. I really hope it works for you this cycle.

Are there no suitable donors who are a bit closer to you?


----------



## Lovelymo79

Hey girls! 

At the airport this am, headed home to Jersey for a couple of days. POAS stick this am on 10dpo and BFN. Granted, the urine was diluted due to me drinking a Big Cup 4 hours before but not even a hint of a line. Stark white. 

So instead of packing my other Wondfo's, I packed some pads to greet AF. Not calling it totally over yet until I see the witch's evil face but I'm sadly given up for this month. And to make matters worse, I haven't heard back from my doctor's office in regards to my now-soon-to-be-ex-donor's post-thaw count. I emailed them almost a week ago! 

It is a perfect time to skip town.


----------



## K.N

Melody: Oh yeah - I was looking at buying it, might look at it for the new year :). See if it helps at all. 
Wow 10 days early! Will be interesting to see/hear - let us know! All the best for you! Hopefully once your cycles get regular - and shorter, you'll have more luck! 

Lovelymo: Aww, Don't give up till you see AF! Fingers crossed for you! Wanna see some BFP's round here! Maybe skipping town will relax you and you might have more chance! They say when you relax more - the chances are higher!
All the best anyway! Lots of baby dust to you too! Keep us posted, and if nothing else - enjoy your break :). As for you drs - wish they'd get back to you, put your mind at rest more! 

Kedwards: - As Melody said, Welcome to you :) Everyone is lovely! We all have our own little journeys - but the one common thing, is we're all single ladies ttc :D Sounds like a tricky road with your ex - I'm sure you dd would love a little sibling! How old is she? :). Goodluck with it all this month! Would be lovely to see you with a bfp straight off as well!! :D 

As for myself, Well I'm going with my instincts rather than my ovulation microscope! Lots of ewcm the past 2/3 days - so don't want to miss ovulation!! Inseminated today - but for some odd reason, a lot came straight back out - so I'm hoping that some of it managed to get in and around my cervix so the little swimmers can get up. I'll be inseminating tomorrow too. Officially have begun the tww now again :).


----------



## Lovelymo79

Thanks, K.N. By the way, how long are you laying down after you inseminate? Are your hips elevated?

I get IUIs done and even though the sperm is directly put into my uterus, my office still has me lay down for 30 minutes afterwards.


----------



## K.N

Lovelymo79 said:


> Thanks, K.N. By the way, how long are you laying down after you inseminate? Are your hips elevated?
> 
> I get IUIs done and even though the sperm is directly put into my uterus, my office still has me lay down for 30 minutes afterwards.

I lay down anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour - usually have my iphone, and lay there playing games - so time gets away easily enough :). I always did have my hips elevated - but then a friend who went through the same thing pointed out that with your hips elevated - it can bring the sperm down behind the cervix rather than on it - so now i tend to lie on my side, or just put a towel rolled up underneath so its a slight raise.


----------



## Lovelymo79

Sounds like you're doing it right!! Wishing us all lots of baby dust! 

AFM, I'm still not testing! Lol! Don't want to see that stark white NO! I'd rather see AF (not!). Period is due on Wednesday so I'll just wait until Thursday if she is absent to test again.


----------



## French Toast

Hello all! I am excited to join you! I'm 35 and planning on being a single mother, at least in this stage of my life. I though about it for 5 years and after my last relationship fell apart (we were planning on having a baby), I figured I can do this better on my own. 

I had my first iui yesterday and am crossing my fingers! I did Clomid cd 3-7, triggered on day 15 with Ovidrel. I had an ultrasound cd 15 and had one follicle at 20 and the other 16.5. I had a sonohystogram and polypectomy a couple of months ago so all is clear and good now. My fella had a count of 24 million after wash with 86% fertility. All looks good!

I'm having the blood test on the 19th and am going to try not to poas at all, if I can last. I feel pretty zen about it all and not too anxious.


----------



## Lovelymo79

Welcome, Frence Toast!


----------



## K.N

Lovelymo79 said:


> Sounds like you're doing it right!! Wishing us all lots of baby dust!

Yeah hopefully :). If I'm unable to lie down for the full 40ish minutes that i do - i often just retreat to the couch and sort of half lay half sit there for awhile. Have had no successful BFP's though. Here's hoping for December though. 
Officially begin my 2ww as of today. 

Also welcome to you as well Frenchtoast! Fingers crossed for you! So glad others are finding the post now :).


----------



## kedwards1982

melodyy_mtb said:


> *KN* I think that is the same stuff. I haven't had any negative effects from it but I really think it is regulating my cycles. So even though its upsetting that I've missed yet another month :(, at least hopefully the time i need to wait each month will be shorter!
> 
> It looks like I o'd on the 4th which was cd18. I usually o on cd27! My cycles usually last 40 days so I'm excited to see if af shows on the 28th day :O
> 
> Have you o'd yet? Your donor sounds lovely. We definitely need more guys like that. The in town one I spoke to has just had his std tests done, he should get the results in about 10 days. so hopefully [-o&lt; we'll be set for January! I hope you o soon if you haven't already. I wanna see that BFP! x
> 
> *Lovelymo* How are you feeling? The tww can drive you insane. I was testing every day from like 8dpo lol
> 
> *Kedwards* Heeey welcome:hi: Everyone's lovely here, hope you enjoy the thread. I use softcups too as well as syringes. I was thinking of putting the spermies right into the cup but it sounds like that's a bit tricky. I really hope it works for you this cycle.
> 
> Are there no suitable donors who are a bit closer to you?

Melodyy, 

Thank you for the welcome! :hugs: As for putting spermies into the cup, I would suggest, no. Only because (okay this is gonna be TMI but what the heck; we strive on those infos :blush:) our vagina naturally just closes up tightly. So when we are trying to put in the cup with the :spermy:, our vagina does not open up like a jar to just slip it in. No, it stays contracted and therefore squeezes the cup and then :spermy: just leaks out. Big no no for me. As for a donor, no luck on a good closer one. I would love to have my donor closer to me but I just hope that this will happen soon enough. I have one vial left and I hope I may not have to use it. 

AFM: 2 days ago I inseminated. That was a hectic day. So first the Fedex package showed up really late instead of in the morning like it was supposed to. So I could not inseminate before work. So I had my neighbor keep my box outside since it is cold and when I got home, I grabbed the box, opened it and got the vial out and immediately stuck it between boobies. Then I changed clothes and went to the bathroom when I realized, NO SOFTCUP! So looked in the box again and donor forgot to include it. He was very apologetic about that. So I figured okay that's not a big deal. So then I'm like, uh, how am I gonna get it in me? :dohh: So I was like, okay, let's just kinda do a head stand and put the vial in and let it pour out straight down inside. Well I'll be as the darn :spermy: would not get out of the vial that way. It was so strange. So I thought well maybe put it up there more. Stupid wall just sucked up the vial and I'm like :dohh:, how the heck am I gonna get it back out?! After digging around to get a grip on the slippery thing, I finally got and whatdaya know, :spermy: still inside the vial!!! I was okay I got one more option to do. Use the spector and open the wall and use the mirror and flashlight to see the cervix. Then I was able to pour it directly on the cervix and squirt some preseed on top. Then finally, I went and laid in bed for a while and rotated laying on my side while watching tv and playing on my tablet. WHEW... glad that was done. So I'm not very hopeful on this insemination because of how long the Fedex took (which never happens) and when I finally got home. But still can happen maybe. :thumbup:


----------



## Lovelymo79

Omg...Kedwards, your story just had me literally LOLed!! Imagining you trying to get the vial back out...and the sperm still in there! Lol!

I work as an RN and wish I could just send you all 1ml syringes...would make it a lot easier! Lol!


----------



## kedwards1982

K.N said:


> Melody: Oh yeah - I was looking at buying it, might look at it for the new year :). See if it helps at all.
> Wow 10 days early! Will be interesting to see/hear - let us know! All the best for you! Hopefully once your cycles get regular - and shorter, you'll have more luck!
> 
> Lovelymo: Aww, Don't give up till you see AF! Fingers crossed for you! Wanna see some BFP's round here! Maybe skipping town will relax you and you might have more chance! They say when you relax more - the chances are higher!
> All the best anyway! Lots of baby dust to you too! Keep us posted, and if nothing else - enjoy your break :). As for you drs - wish they'd get back to you, put your mind at rest more!
> 
> Kedwards: - As Melody said, Welcome to you :) Everyone is lovely! We all have our own little journeys - but the one common thing, is we're all single ladies ttc :D Sounds like a tricky road with your ex - I'm sure you dd would love a little sibling! How old is she? :). Goodluck with it all this month! Would be lovely to see you with a bfp straight off as well!! :D
> 
> As for myself, Well I'm going with my instincts rather than my ovulation microscope! Lots of ewcm the past 2/3 days - so don't want to miss ovulation!! Inseminated today - but for some odd reason, a lot came straight back out - so I'm hoping that some of it managed to get in and around my cervix so the little swimmers can get up. I'll be inseminating tomorrow too. Officially have begun the tww now again :).

KN, my DD is 9 years old. She's very anxious to know yet. But I told her that it's hard to know when I will be pregnant, if I do get to be pregnant.


----------



## kedwards1982

Lovelymo79 said:


> Omg...Kedwards, your story just had me literally LOLed!! Imagining you trying to get the vial back out...and the sperm still in there! Lol!
> 
> I work as an RN and wish I could just send you all 1ml syringes...would make it a lot easier! Lol!

LOL!!! Yeah I was like oh gosh! LOL! That would be awesome..LOL. I don't know where to get one. It was said that it's like the children's medicine dispenser???


----------



## Lovelymo79

kedwards1982 said:


> Lovelymo79 said:
> 
> 
> Omg...Kedwards, your story just had me literally LOLed!! Imagining you trying to get the vial back out...and the sperm still in there! Lol!
> 
> I work as an RN and wish I could just send you all 1ml syringes...would make it a lot easier! Lol!
> 
> LOL!!! Yeah I was like oh gosh! LOL! That would be awesome..LOL. I don't know where to get one. It was said that it's like the children's medicine dispenser???Click to expand...

Yes! It's like a children's medicine dispenser, somewhat. Or like an insulin syringe, when people give themselves insulin, but without the needle. 
Go to your local pharmacy and ask the pharmacist, or someone who works there, where are the needle-less syringes. They should be able to point you in the right direction. It should be the smallest, like 1 ml. 

AFM: started spotting this am when I wiped. Pretty much out. Ugh!


----------



## kedwards1982

Lovelymo79 said:


> kedwards1982 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lovelymo79 said:
> 
> 
> Omg...Kedwards, your story just had me literally LOLed!! Imagining you trying to get the vial back out...and the sperm still in there! Lol!
> 
> I work as an RN and wish I could just send you all 1ml syringes...would make it a lot easier! Lol!
> 
> LOL!!! Yeah I was like oh gosh! LOL! That would be awesome..LOL. I don't know where to get one. It was said that it's like the children's medicine dispenser???Click to expand...
> 
> Yes! It's like a children's medicine dispenser, somewhat. Or like an insulin syringe, when people give themselves insulin, but without the needle.
> Go to your local pharmacy and ask the pharmacist, or someone who works there, where are the needle-less syringes. They should be able to point you in the right direction. It should be the smallest, like 1 ml.
> 
> AFM: started spotting this am when I wiped. Pretty much out. Ugh!Click to expand...

Thanks, so much! Sorry AF got you. :hugs:


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey welcome Frenchtoast! Sounds like you've got everything sorted and are well on your way to your BFP. I hope you get a positive this cycle! Same goes for all you othher ladies currently in your tww. [-o&lt; I hope you're not out lovelymo and that it's just ib.

Gosh kedwards that sounds like such a crazy time, but well done you for getting it done in the end. I know you must have been through an ordeal with your ex like KN said. I just hope you can enjoy yourself on this forum and get that bfp as soon as poss! 

You seriously have me thinking about this whole postal samples :D I wasn't aware sperm could last long enough to be sent like that but after reading up on stuff I can see that with the write delivery packages, it can last up to 96 hours! This could be the answer to my distance worries.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed as I may have found a donor who is really understanding about my unruly cycles and has suggested donating every week until I get a positive opk :D


----------



## Lovelymo79

Hi all! So, I'm officially out. AF came exactly when I knew she wohuld...today on my way home from Jersey. 

I'm actually gonna skip this cycle in December and get a HSG done. I'll be ovulating in Christmas Day and won't be in state to do an IUI so gonna wait until January. Hope all is well with all!


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Sorry to hear that mo:hugs: But we persevere! On to the next cycle. I missed my chance this month so I'll be joining you in January.

x


----------



## TimeToBeMommy

I can't tell you all how happy I am to have found this forum... I actually clapped when I did:laugh2:

Unlike all of you, I'm not TTC just yet. I'm trying to have a cushy savings first and it will take me a few more months. 

I'm 35 and ending a relationship. We live together and we're in that 'transition' stage of him finding a new place to live and officially ending out relationship. I've decided that I don't want to waste any more time trying to find Mr. Right (or Mr. Right-ish) and I'd rather just go ahead and be a single mom by choice.

Although I'm not TTC now, we had been for a few years and I know all the stress/fun of dpo-counting, ewcm monitoring and obsessing over "is there a faint line or not". We were trying for 2 years before we discovered that my partner has fertility challenges. This is *not* the reason we're ending out relationship, we just couldn't make it work.

I'm really excited to get start and wish all of you BFPs! I'll be watching this threat :)


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## K.N

Hi there & big welcome to you as well timetobemommy. Good idea to join anyway - you will start ttc soon, and when you do will be nice to know theres a big support network - and also during the wait before you start ttc hopefully you find some light & info through all our stories! Sorry to hear you're going through the ending of a relationship, but good on you for going with what your heart wants - It's not an easy road going through the single mum by choice! I haven't told many of my family what I'm going through - simply because my family are very traditional - and wouldn't 'get' it. Is why I love this forum - coz people actually do get it! 

And seeing all the stories of ladies like yourself who have been through relationships who haven't worked etc - I sort of think, well im nearly 21 - and this is what I want. I might as well give it my best shot whilst I'm still in the "highly fertile" space so to speak. Although I probably know more successes in pregnancy in 30-40 gap rather than the 20-30!

Anyway, as i said - big welcome and good luck when you do get started!

Lovelymo: Sorry to hear that AF came :( It's so disapointing - but goodluck with your next cycle! *hugs*


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hi timetobeamummy :hi: Welcome! You really will love it here. Like KN said, it's a very supportive group of women ttc on their own.

AF came for me today, and for once I'm extremely happy lol. My cycles have gone from 40 days to 28! I also o'd on cd18 this time round, instead of cd27, woohoo. I hope it stays like this lol. 

Hope everyone else is doing ok. x


----------



## K.N

o00oo good luck for your cycle Melody :)
Planning around a 28 day is much easier than an unruly 40 day! 
Goodluck! Do you have plans to 'babymake' this cycle?

How's everyone else going? How's your trip been lovelymo?

I've got 2 more days of waiting - feeling anxious. Want to test now; but not entirely convinced, have only one pregnancy test left - so trying to save it. I buy mine online - and they won't arrive until after new years :(
Symptoms? None :(. Actually, nausea - but only at night time when I climb into bed? For the past 4 nights I've been laying there contemplating whether or not i should get up and vomit, or just ride it out. Weird. Bit of heartburn when I drink anything (water, fanta, anything). I'm not convinced though - it could just be heat etc. Will see in 2 days I guess :)


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## InVivoVeritas

Hello there everyone, hope I can join.

I have two daughters, 12 and 15, from a long term relationship and a little man, 17 months, through at home insemination with donor sperm. I'm currently 1dpo of my first cycle ttc just one more.

It sounds like a lot of kids written down like that, but my girls are getting prepared to be independent, thinking about college, and I had so much fun raising them that I want to do the same again with LittleMan and a sibling.

I'm 41 so opportunities are running out fast. I hope it doesn't take too long this time.


----------



## K.N

InVivoVeritas said:


> Hello there everyone, hope I can join.
> 
> I have two daughters, 12 and 15, from a long term relationship and a little man, 17 months, through at home insemination with donor sperm. I'm currently 1dpo of my first cycle ttc just one more.
> 
> It sounds like a lot of kids written down like that, but my girls are getting prepared to be independent, thinking about college, and I had so much fun raising them that I want to do the same again with LittleMan and a sibling.
> 
> I'm 41 so opportunities are running out fast. I hope it doesn't take too long this time.

Hi there :) Welcome! Doesn't sound like heaps of kids, sounds like a lovely sized family :). I'm sure your older two will love having little siblings too! Goodluck with your cycles - hopefully you get your BFP in no time at all!


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## melodyy_mtb

Welcome Invivo! I agree with KN. doesn't sound like a lot of kids. Sounds like you're a wonderful mum who cant wait to start the fun all over again. Hope you enjoy yourself here :) Will you be using the same donor as the one you had for your son?

Aww KN, I know it's hard not to symptom spot but eeeek Im getting excited for you. I hope you get your BFP! Nausea and heartburn sound promising. 

I most certainly will be ttc this month. If my cycles stay the way they are, I'll be most fertile just after Christmas :/ lol. I was worried that my donor (new one) wouldn't be able to travel over the holidays but he has assured me that he's free and will be happy to donate a few days in a row, so fx!


----------



## InVivoVeritas

Thank you both. I love being a Mam and honestly I don't find it very difficult to do it on my own.

K.N., sounds very promising -- I don't really think there's much difference symptom-wise between pregnant and non-pregnant in the early weeks. No way to know except test. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

melodyy, that's great that you won't miss this cycle. Even better that he can donate more than once. A baby started at the holidays would be very special.

I really hope that this is the cycle for all of us. I'd love to have people who understand to go through the next pregnancy with.


----------



## Lovelymo79

Hi all! I had a good trip to NJ and on my way to Atlanta today! I'm waiting to ovulate but since I'm missing this cycle, I'm just documenting what I see and feel. Hopefully, I'll have more information. 

I'll be doing my cycle in January, though!


----------



## K.N

Yeah it is hard not to symptom spot! But I've been let down by false symptoms month after month - so finding it better to get through the wait, and not get so let down :). Really really crossing fingers though! What better time of year to find out? My very own little christmas miracle!

Melody - That's great that your donor is ready to travel, all my fingers are crossed for your christmas miracle too!! 

It would be awesome by some chance to go through pregnancy with the same people I'm going through TTC with! Lets hope :).

Lovely Mo - Glad your enjoying your trip :) Hopefully when you get back you'll be all refreshed and have no trouble conceiving!

Positive thoughts all round! :D


----------



## French Toast

Hello again ladies! I'm glad to see there are more new faces! We can rock this single mom stuff!! :-D

I'm recovering from my first BFN. I'm having a hard time understanding, since all systems seemed a go! I am wondering if the Ovidrel made me ovulate on the early side? My iui was 36 hours later.

My RE wants to switch to Femara and injectables for cycle 2. Nervous about $ but I have to do it!! 

The one blessing was that the first time I went to the bathroom after the heartbreaking phone call, the Witch was there! So I don't have to wait long to start the next attempt. It usually takes a couple of days after to get to CD 1, so hoping I will be popping Femaras for Christmas and maybe have the iui January 6 or 7. Not too long to wait.

The hard part for me is that the "first time" felt kinda magical...I know, what's magical about a speculum and a catheter filled with some mystery mans baby juice right?! Haha!! But really, I felt so much like it worked, I got loopy and talked to my tummy for 12 days there. And sad to think no one was in there! I even wrote a letter to baby...well, I can write one every month, right!! I'm not stopping even if it takes IVF.

This experience has truly made me appreciate how much I want to be a mommy!!

Hope we all get BFPs for New Years!!!


----------



## K.N

French Toast - That's a shame about your first negative :( They're so gutting huh! I remember my first - I knew the chances were slim, but my hopes were so high! Baby making on the 6th will be a lucky day ;) - My birthday!.
That's so sweet about writing letters! I tried keeping a blog - but it was too hard; but letters are such a cool idea. Course you can write one every month! Your baby/kid/teen will appreciate them as they gain understanding etc! To hear the journey their mama went through!


----------



## K.N

Af due today - not gunna bother testing - got some cramping going on - only a matter of time now :(.


----------



## InVivoVeritas

K.N don't write yourself off over some cramping. I always cramp really strongly when I'm pregnant, I think it's the uterus starting to stretch.

Fingers crossed for you.


----------



## K.N

InVivoVeritas said:


> K.N don't write yourself off over some cramping. I always cramp really strongly when I'm pregnant, I think it's the uterus starting to stretch.
> 
> Fingers crossed for you.



Naw - Thanks for the positive thoughts!
AF came mid arvo though :(. Guess one good thing is that she was actually on time this month! I'm on hold now until Feb (We're taking a months break as I'm going away early Jan for 4 weeks) - Sooo all the best of luck to all you other ladies! x


----------



## InVivoVeritas

Awww K.N I'm so sorry to hear that she showed up. Hope your trip away in January is awesome.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Happy holidays ladies I hope you're all well :hugs:

Thanks for all the fx. A Christmas/New Years miracle would be perfect, but if it doesn't happen, at least there'll be plenty of us trying in January. Loads of support :thumbup:

Sorry to hear you got a bfn French Toast. The first hits you harder than you think it would. I was so sure I was pregnant my first try, was talking to my tummy and all sorts. I blame the symptom spotting lol. You're definitely not loopy. Also sorry af got you this cycle KN. Onto January! Every bfn is an opportunity to learn more about our cycles.

I did my last insemination today. Pretty sure I'll o today/tomorrow morning. I got o pain this morning. Just going to temp to confirm it, but it looks like i'll be entering the tww :wacko: I'm going to try my hardest not to symptom spot, just keep busy until af is due.

x


----------



## Caite

Loads of new people - hi.

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. it hit me over Christmas that next time, I could be pregnant, it was a very exciting thought but also just a little bit scary. It could be as little as 3 months until I start TTC, which again is exciting but scary!

Has anyone given much thought to the practicalities when they are pregnant? One of my neighbours is very pregnant at the moment, she was due Christmas day, and, talking to her partner, it kind of got me thinking about when (if) I am at that stage, what am I going to do? I mean, I sort of already know what I want for labour etc (a lovely relaxed home birth), but then there are all the practical things I would have to consider - getting my birth partner here (which I think would be my mum) what to do with the dogs (they would go to my mums, but, if my sister was working, not sure how they would get there - they would have to go in my car but my mum wouldn't drive it) and then, what if I couldn't have a home birth and had to have a birth on the consultant unit for whatever reason, there would be all the same issues, plus getting my mum to drive to the hospital. Phew - I think I did slightly too much thinking over Christmas!


----------



## K.N

Hiya ladies - Have been away for a few days over xmas - just enjoying having the family over, and then took a trip down to see my dad, which being 6 hours away - took a full day out on its own!

Goodluck for your tww melody! Lots of babydust your way. Hoping you get you bfp!
I've started taking vitex capsules too now - got some ferning on my ovulation test yesterday - and my temp was up to 36.9 from the normal 36.3/36.4. So hoping it means ovulation is on its way - should be the 6th if all goes to plan. I'm not inseminating this month, seeing as I'm 6 hours away from my donor - and I thought that being new years, A 1 month break wouldn't be such a bad thing, and we'll get back into it when I'm home!

Also Caite! Wow that's a scary thought huh. I first started ttc in Feb - And I was thinking, wow - if the first month was a success - I'd have a newborn in my arms right now, and I'd be a parent. Was crazy - just gives me all the motivation to keep at it!

Thoughts on practicalities. Not tooo much yet, I am dreading the morning/all day sickness that every pregnancy in my families has brought on. Being such a small frame, and already having a sensitive stomach and bowel - that is on my mind more than anything! 
But in terms of birth and labour - My mum will be there. And either my sister or a close friend. I also want to save up the money and get a birth photographer. I don't care how much or little it costs, I just want a photographer there to capture all the moments and first cuddles and all that stuff. I'm the photographer in my family - but I'll be a bit pre occupied. I don't have any other kids - and my only pet is a cat, so she'll be fine. Neither my mum or I drive - but we're only 10 minutes away from the hospital, if that. And so the friend I've chosen to come if my sister can't - will drive my mum and i to the hospital. And if she doesn't come, and my sister does - Then my mum husband, my stepdad will take us. We're lucky to have two lovely birthing centres where I live - not many places in NZ do, so it's good that we are lucky enough to have TWO. 
I'd like to birth in hospital, BUT when baby is born - you're able to transfer to the birthing unit and stay there for the first 3 days. So that's what I'll be wanting to do. The birthing units are like little motels equipped with tons of midwives, support nurses and everything that could be needed. 
But - In saying everything above, I'm not even pregnant - so it's all just 'for now plans'

How about anyone elses plans? :)

Hope you all had a neat xmas and happy new year! x


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Lol Catie I'm glad I'm not the only one who over thinks things. I often find myself researching pre-schools and stuff in my area. Hahaha I'm not even pregnant yet! :wacko: It doesn't hurt to think about the practicalities though, especially as we are all doing this alone. My mum will be my birthing partner too. I'm quite lucky as she is incredibly over involved in every aspect of my life lol. I used to hate it as a child, but now i'm really thankful as I don't have to worry about a thing. She's extremely organised, has a car, and only lives down the road. 

Birth wise, I'm really interested in having a Doula, I also love the idea of a hypnobirth. Day to day, im just looking forward to being a mummy, learning from/with my child. I haven't given much thought to anything else lol. I don't think you can truly prepare yourself for parenthood lol.

So KN I guess we're Vitex buddies lol. Watch out for your cycles going a bit weird. As you know my LP shortened and then my cycle did, bu everything evened out in the end. You'll be ttc in February then? Ah my birthday month lol. FX for your next cycle. I have a good feeling about that one. Your birthing centers sound so lovely. Lol we all have the births planned out, you just cant help it!

AFM, I'm 7dpo. Really really trying to keep busy. I feel out, don't know how lol, I just do. I'm trying not to symptom spot but I have had cramps since 1dpo. Who knows....

x


----------



## Caite

FX Melody that the cramps are a good sign.

When I started uni, one of our first things we had to do was to write a birtg plan. I spent absolutely ages on it. I did it as though I was single, even though I think the other single girls did it as though they were with someone, and spent ages thinking about things like who would come to theatre with me if needed (my mum and sistet are both terrified of theatres)


----------



## Caite

I hope everyone is well. How are all the symptom spotting/TWW going?

I spent my morning today researching fertility clinics in Denmark - I should have been doing uni work, but oh well! I had planned on doing 'home' insemination with anonymous donor sperm. I was going to go to a sperm bank in Aarhus, Denmark, but there were no direct flights, and I would have had to catch a flight, get the train, or drive from Copenhagen, which seemed really long and really expensive. So I started researching clinics in Copenhagen. I have found a couple which seem quite good. I don't think I would be able to self inseminate, but they do IUI and IVF. I have really, really dodgy cycles, completely irregular and long. Personally, I think I would benefit from IUI or IVF. The prices seem quite reasonable (though it doesn't show the cost of any meds I might need on the website). I'm going to book a consultation with them, in March, I think, when I finish uni. It really feels like it's getting real now. Both exciting and scary!

Anyway, new years day I started taking agnus castus and pregnacare and I've not yet missed a dose, which is really impressive for me.


----------



## 40isnotold

Haven't posted on this thread since before my fs appointment. AMH was .57 in September - tested by gyno in September. FS appt was in October. Tubes were clear in November. Had hysteroscopy in December. AF just visited, so I can try IUI with next cycle. Ordering meds and sperm this week. I'm in the US on the east coast and am using a sperm bank in CA. I'll be 40 in a couple of weeks and am single. When I turned 39, I started thinking that this was the route I would need to go if I wanted to have children, so I made the decision to go for it in September.

Congrats to those who have gotten BFPs and good luck to those TTC. May 2014 be a good year for all of us!


----------



## Lovelymo79

Hi all!! It's been awhile since I posted. Just been working, avoiding schoolwork (!), and enjoying the holidays. Well, now I'm back on the TTC horse and game ON!

Picked up my Femara pills today to start tomorrow..yay! Originally, the doc wanted me to take them CD 5-9 and get an ultrasound on day 14 but I normally ovulate on CD 12 so 14 is too late. I read of some women on here missing their ovulation and having to scrap the cycle because Femara made them ovulate early. So, I told the nurse my concerns and I got my wish! So, I start tomorrow and take the pills CD 3-7 and get my ultrasound on CD 10. And the best part, the pills only cost me $3 thanks to insurance.

I also pick up my ovidrel/trigger shot from my hospital's outpatient pharmacy..right at my job. So, hopefully, I'll get my IUI done next week, around Friday or early Saturday and then I'm off to Vegas for a few days. Can't wait to start the 2ww off right!


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies,

Catie, not too long till you actually start ttc! Bet time will fly, especially with all the research. I'm on Angus as well, I absolutely swear by it. It really helped with my long cycles and heavy periods.

2/3 days till AF is due for me :wacko: I'm really not feeling it this cycle. My temp dipped this morning and I know that almost always happens right before af, but we shall see...

40 wb :hugs: so you'll be able to start ttc next cycle, that's great. I wish you all the luck hun. Lots of babydust for you! 

You too LovelyMo! Im so happy that things are going as planned with your doctors. I envy the fertility aspect of you guy's medical system. You've got all basis covered. This cycle is the one. I can feel it hehe.


----------



## Caite

Good luck 40isnotold.

Good luck Mo. Sounds like you will have a fun TWW in Vegas. I spent my time researching clinics etc when I should really have been doing uni work. Got so much due in in the next month or so, but this is obviously far more exciting.

Melody, FX for you.


----------



## K.N

Wow! Heaps of messages! So nice, Glad to have you all back - hope you've all enjoyed your breaks. I'm still on mine, hense my late reply. Trying to enjoy my trip and not baby think - but it's just so hard! My best friend decided shortly after me to start ttc for baby #4 too. So happy for her, but she's now 20weeks pregnant and I keep wishing it was me! Sound like such a mean friend though. I went with her to her gender scan, a little girl - perfect scan too, baby was facing the camera and waving her arms around and making little mouth movements. Here I am thinking a little tiny 20wk baby scan is cute - when it still looks kind of alien like!! Can't wait till that's all of us :). One day! Positive thinking :). 

Melody: Yes we are vitex buddies now! Although I've been taking 1 capsule daily, but it says for the first 4-6 weeks - take 1 capsule, twice daily! So I hope that the past 3 weeks isn't a waste! Will start taking it twice daily now though. How you going with your dreaded 2ww??

Caite: That's so cool you had to do that at uni, I agree about the always planning it as just me. I've always spoken like that, when I have a baby I'll do this and I'll do that. Even before I made this choice! That's not good they're both scared of theatres - suuureely if it's a baby birth, one of them will be able to get the courage to come in with you!! Hopefully!! Cross fingers anyhow. I haven't ever thought about the need of theatre - Yikes!! ALSO crossing fingers for your fertility search! Anynew info on that? IVF and IUI is reaaaally expensive for single mothers and lesbian mothers here in NZ :(. I looked into it, about about $8000NZD for one cycle of IUI - and it can take up to 12 before they will even consider us for any form of funding, then the cost of IVF is about $14,000 per cycle - before some of the medications :(. Anyway - Goodluck with your consultation with your fertility clinic! Really hoping that bear good news for you :)

40isnottooold: Nice to have you back :D, thoughts are with you on your cycle - hoping for the best!! BFP would be wonderful for you! Cross fingers :). 40 is definitely not too old! My mum had my little brother at 42, COMPLETE surprise, she thought her fertility was nearing an end! Apparently not! He's 3 now, life is full of miracles and surprises :).

Lovelymod: First of, wow! Vegas! You lucky thing ;) hahaa - again crossing fingers for you, glad they listened to your concerns. All the best - and hoping your 2ww isn't toooooo long!! I ovulated on time with taking my vitex, but as said earlier - i was only taking half the dosage, so maybe it didnt work. 

Wow - Such a long reply! I'm off to bed now, super tired - travelling is taking it out of me energy wise! Not sure when I'll get back on - So in the mean time, Good luck to you all & all my fingers and toes are crossed!!


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww KN you're not a bad friend lol. We cant help but feel a bit jealous when our friends and family are getting pregnant all over the place. I envy all those women who get pregnant so easily :( But our times will come!

I'm glad you're enjoying your break and not stressing about baby stuff. I'm 2 days late... but still getting BFNs :wacko: I think mother nature is just playing a cruel trick on me this month :( We shall see...


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## Caite

My best friend is pregnant, too - she has gotten pregnant this time, and with her last, whilst using contraception. And whilst I am so excited for her, and I will get to be an aunty again, I am still the littlest bit jealous - and I've not even started TTC yet!

KN - fertility treatment is so expensive in NZ! I want anonymous donation, so I am planning on going to Denmark, though since I have started researching, there are other EU countries which also offer it. Anyway, excluding the cost of meds (which don't have a price on the website), if I did need fertility treatment it would be a lot less then in NZ. IVF there (excluding meds) is £2000, or 3 cycles (fewer if a live baby is born) for £4000, and IUI is £390, or thereabouts, inclusive (I think - and if not, it's an extra £150ish) of donor sperm.

Anyway, I hope you're having a good trip, KN.

Melody - how exciting! Can't wait to hear if you've got your BFP.

Being as there has been some mention of Vitex, just two little things. I bought some more from Holland and Barrett yesterday, and it was really cheap £1.99 for 100, and the girl serving said it was because they were trying to get rid of old stock because they've just announced they're now being licenced. Wondering if anyone had heard anything about it? And secondly, I started Vitex new year's day. I don't think I have ever had ovulation pain before. But today, I was just at the sink and had this horrible cramping pain, which only lasted about 30 seconds, a minute at the most, right at the base of my abdomen. It was really, really painful. Also had watery CM (not checking that, but just happened to notice when I went for a wee shortly after). Do you think it could have been ovulation pain? If so, I'm dead impressed with Vitex!


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## melodyy_mtb

I haven't heard anything about Vitex being licensed but it's on sale? I'm definitely off to H&B after work! Vitex has done wonders for me. Definitely sounds like o pain hun :happydance:, what with the watery cm and all.


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## Caite

Melody, I keep checking here to see if there is any news.

Mo, have you been for your scan yet?

Well, I was on nights last night and woke up quite early (after about 2 1/2 hours) then just dozed for a couple of hours. I had the most bizarre dream. I dream I was inseminating myself - I'm not sure where I was though, but it seemed quite public as there were lots of people around, and I was asking people to pass me things! Weird!


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## Lovelymo79

Hey all! I had my IUI #3 on Friday. I am wishing, hoping AND praying this is the lucky charm! I actually felt ovulation pains going into the IUI. When I went in for my scan on Wednesday, I had 5 (!) follies but all except one were 11mm and smaller. The biggest one was 20mm so I triggered at 3am on Thursday and went for the IUI on Friday at 3pm. 

Last time I played Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On" during my IUI. But, this time, I changed donors and my donor is a cellist who loves Bach. So, for this IUI, I placed my cell phone over my uterus area and played the album I bought off of iTunes - Yo-Yo Ma playing various Bach pieces on his cello. Thought the little swimmers would get excited off of that! 

I am now in Vegas, relaxing and destressing for the first half of my 2ww!


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## Caite

Good luck for the 2WW then, Mo. I hope you're having a good time in Vegas.


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## melodyy_mtb

Mo you rock. I love that you play music to your womb during iui hehehe. I have no idea what all those follicle measurements mean but I'm guessing they're all good signs lol. Feeling o pain is a definite bonus. Not many women do. Enjoy your time in Vegas. I'm so jealous. Great way to spend your tww. Good luck hun xxx

Aww Caite you're very sweet. Still no change though :'( I'm feeling really low at the moment but it could just pms coupled with frustration and confusion. I cried watching Despicable me lol. What a random dream you had. I guess you're feeling anxious about ttc. Not long ot go now. x

I hope all you other lovely ladies are doing well. x


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## Caite

Well, FX for you Melody. I didn't realise I was anxious, but now you've mentioned it, I think I might be anxious about it not working. It was a proper weird dream, too. Quite funny, though!


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## K.N

Wow Mo - Agree with Melody; that's so cool that you played music, I love the dedication! All the best for this cycle!! Fingers crossed big time, Goodluck :).

Any news yet Melody?? Sounds like a horrible wait for you so far if still no BFP! :(

My monthly came and went, couple of days early - but only a couple, lasted 2 days, text my donor and all set for insemination early feb :). Can't wait to get back home! Sick of all the earthquakes we've been thrown with! House is constantly shaking with aftershocks since the 6.2 quake on the 20th Jan. Don't know if you've heard over there, probably not - the north island news isn't anywhere near as *exciting* as the south island, (if you can call it excitement lol).

that's so cheap for vitex! 2 pound, is only like $4nz - I paid about $27.00 for 100 tablets - and that wasn't even the "licensed" brand. But it's all the same stuff anyway, so i didnt mind too much.


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## Caite

Wow, KN, 6.2 is quite big, isn't it? I hadn't heard anything about an earthquake. I think, when I went on holiday years ago, that there was a small earthquake or something, as I was awoken by the bed shaking, and that was quite scary. I was in that half awake half asleep state where everything seems more intensified. I thought someone was trying to break in at first.

Melody, you must be getting so impatient. I hope you get your BFP soon - or at least find out for definite one way or the other :hugs:


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## melodyy_mtb

Oh gosh! No I haven't heard about the earthquakes, but to be honest, I never read newspapers or watch the news on tv lol. It just bums me out. 

So KN you're all set for Feb. Aww I hope it all goes well. Lots and lots of baby dust to you! xxx

No news yet ladies. I've moved past depression to anger lol. Not really, but I am frustrated. I just want to get on with the next cycle. I used to have irregular periods when I was younger, and since i began charting the longest cycle i had was 40 days. The Vitex helped regulate things, but maybe it has stopped working :( I'll be at the 40 day mark tomorrow. So expecting AF on Friday but who knows.

There is still a tiny part of me that is holding onto the possibility I might be pregnant....

Thanks for all the support girls. xxxx


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## K.N

6.2 is big - but not huge, but only because it was relatively deep :). if it was closer to the surface - houses would probably have fallen - and damage would be way more severe. So we're just lucky really :) They're still predicting a bigger one, but positive thinking makes me say that they're all over now! :D. 

Oh Melody - That's got to suck your so late and still testing negative :( Have you run blood tests yet? Or just waiting till the 40 day mark?Really really hoping that you get answers soon :(. AF will be devastating, but least you could stop waiting :(. BFP however would soon wash all the stress/anger from waiting away! So fingers are still crossed!!


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## melodyy_mtb

Stay safe KN! :hugs:

I've got the docs tomorrow so I can request a blood test form, then I'm going to the hospital on Monday to get it done as it's quicker there than booking an appointment at my doctors. Obviously I wont do anything if af comes before then.

I had a huge temp dip today which usually mean's af is on her way. We shall see tomorrow. Sometimes I cant wait to go to sleep just so i can wake up to take my temp lol.


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## drsquid

i tried to start a similar thread when i was trying but kept getting people who left their partners while pregnant rather than single moms by choice. i ended up doing 4 rounds of iui (and at the 4th round the doc finally tested the sperm like i kept asking and discovered it was crap despite coming from a sperm bank),. i was gonna do 1 more iui with a different donor but was so annoyed at that point i decided to just do ivf. i now have 11 month old twins. 

i used European sperm banks of america because i wanted open id so the kids would have the choice of finding the donor if they want.


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## Caite

Nice to hear a good outcome, Drsquid. How do you find being a single mum by choice (I have some friends who are single mums, but that's cos they have split up with their partners and have all the difficulties that brings), and especially to twins?

Melody, I'm still hoping for a BFP for you.


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## Rags

Caite said:


> Nice to hear a good outcome, Drsquid. How do you find being a single mum by choice (I have some friends who are single mums, but that's cos they have split up with their partners and have all the difficulties that brings), and especially to twins?
> 
> Melody, I'm still hoping for a BFP for you.

Hi ladies, I've been reading the post for a while without posting but your question is a good one. I am lucky enough to have an almost 4 year old ds from my 3rd iui using an annonimous donor, so most definitely a smbc. I read the 'single parent' thread sometimes but find it very hard to relate to. There is no annamosity in the house, no arguments about finance or custody, no 'who gets him this Christmas', it's in no way similar. I don't carry any resentment for a missing father, in fact the complete opposite, when the time is right I will speak very highly of the amazing generosity of the man who gave me my fabulous boy. Because I planned this path I had time to adjust my life style, move closer to family and sort out my work so that I can spend as much time with him while he's young. Good luck to you all.


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## Caite

That's good to hear, Rags. I'm glad it's a lot different compared to single mums who don't do it through choice. One of my friends is going through all the battles about access and money and everything at the moment (her ex is a nightmare!). And it's that sort of thing which makes me want to do this alone. I've never been in a relationship where I thought he had father potential, and don't particularly want to settle for someone with whom I don't see a long term future as it would just end up being so difficult.


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## melodyy_mtb

drsquid - Its so nice to have you here. Its great speaking to women who have conceived and are smbc (totally had to look that up lol). It gives me hope and reaffirms my belief that I'm doing the right thing. I'm soooo jealous you have twins. I pray for twins lol. They are beautiful x

Rags - Same to you. Welcome :hugs: Everything you said about arguments and animosity is definitely a huge part of why I'm choosing to do this alone. 

Aww and thanks Catie. I know there's only a tiny tiny chance, but still... its a chance lol. 

So I saw the doctor. She asked me about my cycles and possible symptoms since i last inseminated. Took my blood pressure etc and thankfully gave me my blood test form. I've heard that doctors can be reluctant to send you for blood tests until you're a month late lol. Anyway im scheduled for one on Monday, then should get my results by Wednesday.

xxx


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## Caite

I just realised what smbc means! :dohh: In one way, I would really love to have twins. On the other hand, it sounds so, so scary, and I really want a homebirth!

Melody, I got excited when I saw you were the last one to post. I thought there was going to be news. I'm pleased that the doctor is taking things seriously for you. I hope you get a good result in the next few days/Wednesday.


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## melodyy_mtb

Awww Caite I wish I had good news lol :hugs: Well there's still hope.

So last night I had terrible cramps. They wern't my typical AF cramps but I was expecting the witch this morning. Still nothing :/ so I went ahead with my blood test. I have been on the verge of throwing up all day, but it could be nerves. I was told I could get my results tomorrow morning because its a pregnancy test. So that was great news.

I'll let you all know as soon as I find out what's going on :wacko:

xx


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## Caite

:hugs: that's good that you can get your results tomorrow morning. I really, really hope they tell you you're pregnant. But even if they don't, which will suck, you won't be in limbo any longer about whether you are pregnant or not. You must be getting so anxious/fed up/impatient about this cycle now.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thanks :) It has been very frustrating, not knowing anything. Its so emotional ttc. You don't want to get your hopes up too much, because of how painful it is when you get a bfn. But then you don't want to be all pessimistic about things, because you end up depressed all the time lol.

You've got all this to come lol, but if it is a lot easier with the support you get on here x


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## K.N

Oh Melody - Am so praying for you! Must be so hard atm!! Hope there's a bfp in those blood tests for you. And as Caite said - glad the Dr's are taking you seriously.

Welcome too DrSquid - I tried to create a forum like this a couple times, but it never took off - till this one, now it's filled with all sorts of smbc for different reasons!
Did you ever give in-home insemination a try? Or only clinical? Fair enough about wanting open id - Congrats about your twins :) I have 7yo twin sisters, some days they're little delights, other - not so much hahaa. Love them to bits though, and for a smbc - I'm sure twins were a perfect little surprise for you!


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## melodyy_mtb

Well i got the ultimate :bfn: this morning :cry::cry::cry: My blood work came back and it was negative. I feel stupid for even thinking I could be pregnant. My body is a mess. CD45 and i haven't a clue what's going on. Trying not to let it get me down though. I hope everyone is doing alright. xx


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## Caite

:hugs: Melody, I'm so sorry you got your BFN :hugs:


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## K.N

Aww Melody - Sorry to hear :( Had my hopes so high for you & all my fingers crossed. Don't feel stupid for thinking you were pregnant - It's natural to think you are when af is late and you're actively ttc! *hugs*


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thanks ladies. Means a lot :hugs:

I was terribly low the day I got my results, but now I'm back to trying to be positive and optimistic. TTC is rarely easy. I'm back at the docs next week to discuss inducing my period, and we'll take it from there :)


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## Caite

I hope you get your self and your cycle sorted out soon Melody.

Mo - how are you getting on? You must be coming to the end of your 2WW now?

I'm starting to get really excited about TTC now. My ticker moved over today to 4 months and something, from 5 months and something. I know it was only a day, but it seems a whole month closer now. And whilst I'm really, really excited, I'm also absolutely terrified.

I have spent so much time researching clinics and costs and stuff and it just seems to be getting more and more real now. I have actually been thinking about all the practicalities (about TTC and not about labour and stuff like I went on about before), and they've all just suddenly panicked me a little bit. It's just things like who will look after my animals which must be fed every day whilst I nip over to Denmark? I suppose, if I caught an early morning flight out, for some appointments, like maybe the initial consultation, I could perhaps even catch a late evening back, or at the latest, one fairly early the following morning? I don't know. I was planning on having everything I needed doing done over there, but I will see if I can get as much as possible done over here, like if I need scans and stuff, see if I can get them done privately here and any reports/results faxed over.

Anyway, this last week, I have found out 2 more people I know are pregnant! That's 3 in total. I'm so happy for them all, but wish it was me. They've all got children already! The one is my cousin and I thought my nan would be happy as it will be her great-grandchild, but all she kept saying was that they're silly as they won't be able to afford it and the house isn't big enough. Makes me wonder what she'll say when I get pregnant (trying to be positive and say when and not if!).

Sorry for the long post.


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## Lovelymo79

Hey all! So sorry I've been so MIA! So, I'm 14dpo/IUI and all my hpts have been negative (last one was taken 13dpo/IUI). So just waiting for AF to rear her ugly head, even though I don't have any signs of her yet. So we'll see...

I'll keep you guys posted!


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## Caite

Mo - so sorry they've been negative to date. But FX you get a BFP soon, especially if you've got no usual signs of AF. How was Vegas?


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## Lovelymo79

Vegas was really cool. Helped me get my mind off of things! I suggest you leave town for any part of your 2ww!!

I'm praying AF keeps her head away but we'll see...


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## K.N

Caite - don't apologise for long posts! Mine are always long, it's allgood :D understandably worried! Hopefully things just slot into place and it all falls into the right path for you :). It would be much easier to have scans etc in your home place! So cross fingers :). 

Mo - I wish I could pop to Vegas for my 2ww! I am going to inseminate Sunday and Monday (tomorrow and the day after), then that will be me for feb - 2ww at home, but if another bfn - I'll inseminate - then on the 9th march I fly to Australia for 2 weeks, so that will be in my 2ww :). Hoping for a bfp for you!! 

Melody - how you going? How would they induce af? Just hormones or something? So she hasn't shown her face yet then? :(.

I've had an interesting few days, yesterday I found out that I definitely won't be using the midwife I had planned too. About a year ago, just under a year someone I know quite well lost her baby shortly after birth as a result of undetected/untreated preeclampsia - all at the fault of the midwife and dr. Apparently the blood tests taken etc told them what it was, but the midwife just told her to ignore them it'll be ok basically. 
WELL anyway. I found out yesterday that midwife I wanted is the one responsible, and although still practising midwifery - is going through a big court battle at the moment. Sooo, I'd no longer choose her as my midwife. I could, but I don't think I could look at her the same Anymore. I know a couple of people who have had her and said she's nice, but knowing what she caused - I couldn't go through with her. So back to square one in terms of midwife knowledge! Something so small, because you don't choose anyway till your pregnant - but still. I always think about that kinda stuff and like to research who the good ones are :). Which apparently she's not anymore!


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## Caite

KN - that sounds awful about the midwife. It's a bit easier over here (in my area at least). You get the midwife who covers your GP surgery, unless you specifically request to change, or you get most of your care elsewhere. If you have a home delivery, she may deliver you (if she happens to be on call) or if she is based in a midwife led unit, then if she is in the MLU that day, she may deliver you, otherwise, you just get whoever is working as your midwife for delivery. Unless you are under a case loading team, or have a lovely student (like me *big cheesy smile*) who provides most of your care and is on call permanently for your delivery.

Everybody sounds like they travel so much - just popping to Australia and Vegas. I can't remember the last time I went abroad - actually, I can, and it was that long ago it is depressing - unless you count going a few minutes up the road and walking in to another country? Although, when they're all in the UK, that probably doesn't count, does it?

Any news, Mo?


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## Lovelymo79

No news yet and no signs of AF yet. But I'm thinking since I took Femara this cycle, I heard it lengthens your LP so I'm guessing that is what it is. Period was due yesterday and definitely by today but still no signs. So I'll wait to Monday to test again. Don't want to get too hopeful!


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## Caite

I'll get hopeful on your behalf, Mo :p


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## Lovelymo79

Thanks but I just want my period to come so that I can get my new protocol on


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## K.N

Caite - Midwives hear are usualllly pretty good (except this one!), you choose one yourself - there is a midwife directory where they all have a photo and blurb about themself, and then you just ring/email them and see if they'll suit your birth plan, some will deliver wherever you want - some will only deliver in specific places. She will deliver baby, UNLESS you get induced or have a c-section, which of course then the dr's at the hospital will take over - and your midwife will stay in the room and assist, but wont have full care. 

Hahaa scary thing for us NZers - is popping over to Australia is WAY cheaper than popping to the other island of our own country! It costs about $300nz each way to get to the south island from the north island (i live in the north), My australia trip flights were $160 there, and a little over $200back. I wish I could pop over to Vegas though . I sooo want to travel properly! Baby gear over there is so much nicer :(. I've been desperately emailing stockists to find somewhere that will bring carters clothes to NZ for an affordable price, as well as brands from the UK (especially mamas and papas & clarks). But not many places ship to NZ over there. It's a hard life being in such a small country  Have you guys bought anything for baby-to-be? I can't resist all the end of season sales :/. It's terrible. I hope it's not jynxing my ability to conceive lol.

How're things going for everyone else? Any news Mo? Hopefully you get a BFP after all, or hopefully your body sorts its self out so you can get plans under way for the next cycle! How about you too Melody? Did you manage to get AF to show her ugly face?


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## Lovelymo79

Started spotting today so CD 1 and full flow should be tomorrow. Ready to get this party on the road!


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## K.N

Lovelymo79 said:


> Started spotting today so CD 1 and full flow should be tomorrow. Ready to get this party on the road!

Aw Mo :( Was really hoping for a no-show with AF and a BFP! :(. Least you can get started for your next cycle though :).


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## Lovelymo79

Awww, thanks K.N! But it's ok. I actually have full flow so today is CD 1. Even better to get this show, new protocol and new donor on the road!


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies,

Haven't been on for a bit. Not much to report really. I stopped temping etc. No point lol. Still no AF. I think i'm like cd55 lol. Anyway, got the docs on Thursday. KN I'll probably chat to her about Progesterone pills. They often prescribe it to force af. I've stopped the Vitex because i plan to try Soy Isoflaves when my next cycle starts and I've read you should not take them at the same time. 

I'm feeling good though. Staying positive. Even been out a few times drinking with friends lol. Might as well live it up while I still can.

Mo I love you're outlook on ttc. Of course its sad you didnt get your bfp, but you're so right. Time to get this party started!

Hows everyone else? Anyone inseminating soon? x


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## Caite

Sorry you get AF, Mo. :hugs:

Melody, it's nice to hear you being positive, and I'm glad you're getting everything sorted out.


----------



## LPhoto

K.N said:


> Any solo mummies (or daddies) to be currently TTC via assisted conception? Wonder if we can form a solo parent-to-be thread. There are plenty of lesbian support threads, or IVF support threads - but struggling to find a group for the single parents currently planning to conceive :)


This is my first ever post, so bare with me if I do it wrong. I too am a single (straight) Parent - to - be, and would love to have a forum for us with assisted pregnancy


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## Caite

Welcome LPhoto. Are you currently WTT then? Will you be TTC via a clinic or home insemination or another way? I'm WTT at the moment, too.


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## Rags

LPhoto said:


> K.N said:
> 
> 
> Any solo mummies (or daddies) to be currently TTC via assisted conception? Wonder if we can form a solo parent-to-be thread. There are plenty of lesbian support threads, or IVF support threads - but struggling to find a group for the single parents currently planning to conceive :)
> 
> 
> This is my first ever post, so bare with me if I do it wrong. I too am a single (straight) Parent - to - be, and would love to have a forum for us with assisted pregnancyClick to expand...

Hi Lphoto. I to am a single straight women and have a donor concieved son. I have previously requested a single mum by choice forum but it was felt that there were other forums I could post on such as the single parent section and here on assisted conception. I would be very happy if there were another area to post about all of our quite unique issues as single parents by choice.


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## K.N

Welcome Lphoto :). Will you be trying soon? Or still in the Wtt stages for a bit longer :) hopefully all our journeys of currently ttc you'll be able to get questions answered etc! Or even just the support etc - unfortunately there are a lot of people out there ttc - but not too many planning to do it by themselves. I agree rags! There should be. A specific forum for single parents to be. I got a lot answered in the same sex parenting forums, but a lot if theirs was couples rather than singles. And in the assisted conception, there is mostly ivf etc - which is fine, but just still not a lot of help for a singleton wanting to be a mum. 

Also melody fair enough about the vitex and changing I soy isoflaves. I'm on a soy diet thanks to allergies - I've heard mixed things about how that can affect fertility etc, but nothing in stone. I haven't taken vitex this month because I was getting headaches and wasn't sure if it was those or not - but I didn't wanna stop taking them for a week then start again. So I'll start taking them when af comes next. I'm officially in the 2ww now :) since Monday, so I'm a few days into it now. But I'm not hopeful, my donor got a call out on Monday so couldn't make it, so we did Sunday and Tuesday and I'm not sure when actually ovulation was and if we got
It in time or not - my charts are a bit hectic this month :(


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## Caite

KN good luck for the 2ww. I don't know how you do it going through the 2ww - I don't know how I'll do it - I hey excited enough for you all in your 2wws


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## Lovelymo79

Ultrasound scheduled for CD 10, next Wednesday. Last time I had 5 follies, but only 1 mature one at 20 mm. Hoping to have more mature follies this time since I'll be adding an injectable!


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## K.N

Caite said:


> KN good luck for the 2ww. I don't know how you do it going through the 2ww - I don't know how I'll do it - I hey excited enough for you all in your 2wws

Hahaa! Thanks :). I'm not sure when my ovulation actually was this cycle - my cycle has been a bit weird this time round! So it's gunna be touch and go. My period could be late if I ovulated late, or it could be early if I ovulated early OR what I'd like to happen - I ovulated on time - and managed to fertilise an egg - and hopefully there's a little seed growing cells by the minute inside of me :). (positive thinking, but it is SO crazy to think of how a baby starts out in the first weeks!)

It's super hard waiting! But each month it's just gotten a bit easier and easier. Especially after 11 months! (well technically only like 9 months actually ttc though). 

Mo - Not toooo sure what that all means! But I know that it's important to have healthy mature follies in there! So hopefully you've got some nice mature follicles for your ultra sound :).


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## melodyy_mtb

Welcome LPhoto :hugs:. Hope you enjoy it here. Everyone's lovely. x

FX for you KN during your tww. In fact everything crossed! lol. I hope this is it for you! I hope the Vitex wasn't causing your headaches, but best to be safe. I do believe that it can help a lot of women. Maybe I should have stuck with it for longer. I was just so disappointed by this lengthy cycle that I lost faith. But I think AF comes, and I get that cycle out of the way with the Soy, i'll start Vitex again properly.

Lots n lots of Baby Dust KN :dust: 

Good luck with your Ultrasound Mo. Praying for more follicles. :thumbup:

Afm: My doctors app was upsetting. She said there is nothing they can do for now as 50 days isnt lengthy enough for medical assistance. Oh well :cry: I had a little cry afterwards. I think I'm just tired and frustrated, but feeling much better today.

The doctor advised me to wait a month and if still no af, go see her again. I pray the :witch: shows soon lol. I've started drinking Parsley tea. Its an old wives tale. Apparently it helps bring on af.

I will let you know if AF shows, but until then thanks so much for the support ladies :kiss:


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## KelWin

Hey everyone, come this September, I will be TTC with a good friend's baby juice. I am a single mum by choice, and after having (hopefully) 2 kids, I will be a single DAD by choice.

I wanted to carry and birth my own children before undergoing gender reassignment, instead of having my eggs frozen then using a surro.

K.N. where in Aus were you thinking of going in March?


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey Kelwin :) Welcome. Its awesome to have you here. I think its a wonderfully brave thing you're doing and I wish you loads of luck. x


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## K.N

Thanks for all the babydust melody :). I haven't tested yet - still waiting patiently. Keep symptom spotting though - that I can't help. Hunger - for everything!, Reflux/heartburn, Tiredness, Headaches - BUT also; It's mid summer here, and NZ gets a real humid/muggy summer - so it could just be heat related. 

That's a shame about having to wait another month :( I've heard vitamin C can also help? Something to do with vitamin c deficiency stopping periods, and so taking vitC tablets can help? But then you don't just wanna go taking tablets for everything I guess :(. Hopefully you get your period before the month is up :( Otherwise what a long wait :(. Hugs <3. Hang in there!! Everything is crossed for this cycle to fix itself! Have you pregnancy tested again? (just in case?) - could it be possible that you are pregnant and hcg levels weren't yet high enough?? The chance is slim - but it is there. 

Also big welcome kelwin! What an amazing journey that will be for you :) Wishing luck for you & that it all works out :) Do you have any kids yet? Or are the 2 still to be made? Goodluck with it all! Hope you enjoy this convo :). I'll be coming to Queensland - Gold Coast & Brisbane mostly :). We have family in Brisbane, so we tend to fluctuate between the two when we travel.


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## KelWin

Thanks for the welcome guys, and baby dust to everyone!

K.N. I will be moving to Gold Coast in Sept just before trying for #2 then #3 after that. #1 was MC nearly 10 years ago. Then in about 6-7 years, we'll (me, kids, SD and his missus) all be moving to Canada. We won't be co-parenting, but they both want to be in the kids life and I'm totally excited about that.


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## Caite

Kel-win, you must be really close if you're all planning to move to Canada.

Good luck Mo - I hope you have more mature follicles.

KN - when's the test day? I really hope you get a BFP. I don't think we've had one yet, have we? And you've been trying the longest (and the only one in 2ww, I think) so you should definitely get the first BFP, this cycle.

Melody - that sucks that your doctor won't do anything. I've also heard that parsley in the vagina can induce menstruation (I don't know, though). I tried parsley tea once to induce a period. It was horrible, I only had one cup because I didn't like the taste so it didn't work. I also heard high doses of vitamin C, but they have to be specific type of vitamin C, I think


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## KelWin

Caite said:


> Kel-win, you must be really close if you're all planning to move to Canada.

Yeah, we're all pretty close, he's like my brother (not actually related in any way) and we've also been talking about if I DO want more kids after my op, then they're happy to carry for me, as I will still be having _some_ eggs frozen. Even just the planning stage is so exciting. :D


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## K.N

Caite - Test day is down as the 17th :). I've got every limb in my body crossed (speaking figuratively of course). A BFP would just make my week/year - would be an awesome start to 2014! But we'll see :). There were a couple of ladies who got their BFP when this post first started - But no more bfp's since! :( 

Kelwin - Wow moving to Canada! Exciting! That's cool that they're so committed to helping, must make it a lot easier to plan for the future too. Especially if as you say down the track you decide you do want to have more kids.


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## KelWin

Yeah, I'm looking forward to September. I just want to be pregnant already. :)


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## melodyy_mtb

Caite- It really is disgusting. I've been drinking it for the last 3 days :sick: Everyone at work thinks I'm some weird witch doctor lol. I've not heard about inserting it into your vagina. Maybe im doing it wrong hahaha. 

I have been trying vitamin c. It has to be 3000mg for 3 days in a row. But i only had the chewable ones lol. 

KN - Aww i hope you can hold out until its time to test. Its soooo hard not to ss. Have you seen that thread where people list their symptoms by dpo then turn the text green if they got a bfp or red for a bfn. It helps pass the time lol.

I hadnt done a hpt since before my blood test. But i did this morning and nope.... still :bfn: I know im not pregnant. Just need to get af to come quickly!


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## Caite

I don't blame them for thinking that about you, Melody, the smell is bad enough,


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## melodyy_mtb

Lol I know, but hopefully it will do the job. I've had cramps all morning today... Lets hope the :witch: is coming.

How's everyone doing? KN only a week till test time right? :happydance: and Caite you've only got 4 months to go. That's going to wizz by!


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## K.N

Kelwin - I'm sure the time between now & september will fly by! Least you've got plenty of time for preparation :) 

Melody - That parsley tea sounds grose hahaha; But I hope it works - Hopefully the cramps mean that AF is coming; and you can get prepared for next cycle!! Fingers and toes crossed!! Yepp only a week to go :). Cross fingers that it is a BFP - and that all the symptoms I've been experiencing are actually for a reason not just because I'm waiting to test!


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## KelWin

K.N said:


> Kelwin - I'm sure the time between now & september will fly by! Least you've got plenty of time for preparation :)

Yeah that's what I'm hoping for.  Plus this week I'm getting prenatal vitamins and all that stuff.


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## Lovelymo79

Hey ladies!! KN, keep strong! Only one more week to go!!

AFM, finished last Femara pill yesterday, took 150 iu of Bravelle today in a shot, Wednesday ultrasound to see what's brewing. New donor's sperm was delivered today. So all ready to go for IUI on Friday or Saturday! 

I have pledged this time to not test until 14dpiui! I'm hoping to keep that pledge!!


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## KelWin

Lovelymo79 - good luck  

:dust:


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## Lovelymo79

Thanks!


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## Caite

Melody - I know, it's getting scarier and more exciting by the week. I have done quite a bit of research in to the practicalities of going to Denmark, and read about a few clinics. Just got a couple more weeks of uni left, then I'm seriously going to throw myself in to researching clinics and emailing them and everything. Did AF show yet?

Mo - good luck for Wednesday. I hope the USS goes well.


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## K.N

Goodluck Mo!! Crossing everything for you too!! And sending lots of baby dust. 

Were the cramps AF Melody?? 

Took a test this morning, negative - though I still have 5 days to go. Dont know why I took one, but I did anyway hahaa. I downloaded this random finger scanner app - and it tells you if you're pregnant, is more just for a joke - because there's no way to tell by finger print, but anyway - It told me I was having twins.. Eeek. I sure hope not!! I'd love twins, buuutttt not for my first pregnancy hahaa! My twin sisters keep me on my feet enough!


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## Caite

Haha KN, wouldn't it be funny (in a way) if you did have twins now? I'd love to have twins, but I'd need to buy a bigger car if I did!


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## melodyy_mtb

Caite - I'm sure the time will fly by. It feels like just the other day you were 6/7 months wtt.

KN - You're a twin?! Oooo well if it runs in the family...:haha: I'd love twins. I used to read about all these old wives tales that could increase your chances of having twins lol. 

Sorry you had to see the bfn. It's so early, but I've been guilty of testing at like 8dpo even though I knew it would be negative. Still hurts a bit though. I have my fx for you. Roll on testing day! :hugs:

Mo - I'm so happy things are moving along smoothly for you. Good luck with the new donor sperm! 

Well I'm happy to say that AF came yesterday!!! :happydance: That parsley tea must have done the job lol. I'm officially on cd2! I'll be getting more blood work done tomorrow to see if I have pcos, but after hearing from 2 other women that they believe Vitex gave them a lengthy anovulatory cycle, I'm pretty sure that's what caused this 58 day-er.

I plan on taking my temp vaginally after af stops. I've read it gives a more accurate read. Also, I got a ferning test a while back so Im looking forward to seeing how that works. KN you use a ferning test dont you?


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## K.N

Melody: I'm not a twin, but I have little twin sisters :) They're 7. But we do have a mix of identical and fraternal twins through my mums side - so who knows! That's good that AF came for you - hopefully your cycles are shorter and manageable now then!! Cross fingers. Yepp I do have a ferning test, but I find it a little unreliable these days - Not sure if it's the test or me, but I sometimes get ferns when I'm not fertile, and no ferns when I am. So I use a mixture of charting on my ipod with various free apps, then the ferning and see if it matches alongside what the app says. But I also temp (unreliably, I always forget :/) and urine tests - Which I only just purchased last month. I find it so hard to track my ovulation, so try use as many techniques as I can to track it, Will find what works best for me :)
AF made her appearance this morning :(. 3 days early. As guttered as I am, it makes sense - I thought I ovulated early without noticing till after, because I was away from home and forgot to take my ovulation tests with me :(. So I guess I did. The good news is, That it makes it a 27d cycle - without the vitex, and last month was a 26 day. So hopefully it means that my cycles have managed to regulate themselves and drop down to what I was awhile ago! Cross fingers. 27day cycles are much better than 30/35 day ones :/.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww hun, im sorry af got you :( This ttc stuff aint easy! :hugs:

I wish you all the luck in the world for your next cycle. xxx


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## KelWin

Aw guys, hopefully this next cycle will be the magic one. :dust:

Melody, yes it is hard, and I haven't even started TTC. 

I do kind of hope it doesn't take long for me, with #1 (non-con, then MC) the a$$ho1e was only in me for like 5 seconds, so maybe...?


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## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> Aww hun, im sorry af got you :( This ttc stuff aint easy! :hugs:
> 
> I wish you all the luck in the world for your next cycle. xxx

Thanks!! It sure isn't easy! Wish it was though! So guttered this cycle, Don't know why this particular cycle has got me so down in the dumps. I wasn't even sure I had gotten ovulation - so I kind of expected af to show! Maybe it's af hormones letting it all get to me. Who knows!

Onwards and upwards though. Cross fingers for march then I guess :) And another 27 day cycle would be nice too.


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## Lovelymo79

Ultrasound today shows 1 follicle on left at 23 and 1 follicle on right at 10. Didn't really respond like I had hoped. Still only 1 mature follicle, despite being on 150 iu of Bravelle. I had hoped to have more follicles but I guess it only takes one, right? Trigger shot tonight, IUI on Friday, Valentine's day. Doc told me to bring a red heart with me for good luck. He did say that with my 11.1 FSH at age 34, doesn't seem like I respond too well to the injectables so we may have to ramp it up next time. I may also switch to Clomid. My lining was perfect at a 10. 
One good thing is that I got the lab report from my previous donor and seems since his sperm count sucked, so I should hopefully get another refund/credit.


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## melodyy_mtb

KN - Aww :hugs: it is a very emotional process. I really hadn't prepared myself for this ttc roller coaster lol. I thought I'd just get the sperm, try once, and then BAM baby! But the truth is it takes most women a while to conceive. This group has made things much easier though

I have everything crossed for you for March! :happydance:

Kelwin - Im sorry you lost your first, but you are most definitely fertile. Im sure it wont take you long to conceive once you actually start trying. Its great that you're such good friends with your donor. It will make the whole process much easier. 

Lovelymo - Thats good news about the possible refund, i hope you get it! I have no idea when it comes to follicles and egg maturity, so a lot of that went over my head lol. I know you didn't get the results you wanted, but it really does just take one shot, and what better day than valentines day to conceive! Good luck for Friday!:hug:

Afm: I had my pcos blood test today which went well. I should get the results by next Wednesday. I've started my Soy Iso, took 138mg today, will do the same tomorrow then might increase it for the last 3 days.

If all goes to plan i should be inseminating in about 10 days but I'm preparing for if the Soy makes me o earlier. I better o this month! :growlmad: lol x


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## KelWin

melodyy_mtb said:


> Kelwin - Im sorry you lost your first, but you are most definitely fertile. Im sure it wont take you long to conceive once you actually start trying. Its great that you're such good friends with your donor. It will make the whole process much easier.

Thanks, that's what I'm hoping for. Yeah, me and T are great friends, he's like the brother I never had, and his fiancée is really excited about it, too. Good luck on your next cycle.  :dust:


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## Caite

I feel that if I'm away for a day, I miss loads (like over a page of posts!). I lost electricity in the wind yesterday and only got it back tonight. It was quite a novelty last night, walking around and seeing to the animals by candle light, but I wouldn't have wanted another night - I had no internet, no heating (as the control panel thing for my radiators is electric, even though they're gas) and no way to charge my phone. Someone's house alarm was going off. All night! I guess cos they didn't have electricity? I went to bed at 11, just as it started, I woke at 1 and it was still going off. And this morning, I thought it had stopped, went out to my car, and no, it was still going off. I could have screamed. I guess I just got used to it in the house. It was quite nice, though, relying on the sun to wake me up - and I got up in time for uni! Nice to be back to normal now, though. My fences blew down in the wind, too, and I lost the lid to my bird food, so it all got wet and I'm going to have to get rid of most of it - some of it was dry at the bottom, so they're having that for the next few days til I can get some more.

KN - sorry AF came. :hugs: Good luck for this month.

Melody - yay. I'm pleased AF finally arrived for you, you can say goodbye to that horrible cycle and get on with this one. I will have to bear that in mind about the parsley tea, and stick with it, when I need to use it. :sick: So is the soya meant to encourage ovulation? Did I read somewhere that it's like clomid? (That's the drug that causes ovulation, right?). And it does only seem like yesterday that there was 6 months or so until TTC. In fact, it seems like only yesterday there was a year or more to go! 

Mo - Good luck for Friday. Valentine's day would be a lovely day to conceive. and it does only take that one little egg.

Kelwin - I'm sorry you lost your first, I didn't realises. Hopefully, you'll be able to conceive just as quickly this time, though.


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## KelWin

Thanks guys. It's always going to hurt that I lost him, but it's been nearly 10 years, so at least it's not an overwhelming crushing feeling all day, every day. :(


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## K.N

Melody: Tell me about it! I know my ticker says a year (just under), technically we've only been ttc about 8 or 9 months, as my donor had to pop over to england for a family matter - and i went overseas last march, so I guess we've still got time.
I just really want it to work this way - After looking at the costs of the clinics, there is no way at the moment I can afford the few 1000's it'll cost each month! I know some people would say I shouldn't have a baby if I couldn't afford that - but a baby is an ongoing cost, and a baby doesn't demand $3000 one day every month lol. Even if there are medical problems, there's a remarkable medical system for kids over here. 

Af has been REALLY light this month. Definitely a period still, but by mid today - it was virtually over. Normally I get a light one - but 3 days worth, this is more like heavy spotting? Maybe because it came a few days early - there was less to clear out haha! Who knows.

Kelwin - Agree with Melody, really sorry you lost your first :(. I couldn't imagine that feeling right now. Least you know you're fertile, and I really really hope that you get your BFP quickly! (when you do start to try conceive!) - You've got such a neat plan of events, so it would be awesome if it all went smooth for you! And you've got a little angel baby watching too from above - so it'll be even more special :). 

Caite - Wow, the weather sounds horrendous! Poor you! I don't mind the darkness and being without power, but with wind? Not so much! Least you made uni, and at least you managed to block of the alarm towards the end!! It's crazy how much you miss when away huh! I discovered that when I was away over christmas! 

Mo - It definitely does only take one! So cross fingers it's lucky one! In fact, cross everything! Several times over!! :D Good that you got the lab report (not good that his sperm count was low!), is that the same one you were talking about awhile back? If so - that took awhile! But hopefully you'll be able to get a credit for another cycle, or a refund - either way.


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## KelWin

K.N said:


> Kelwin - Agree with Melody, really sorry you lost your first :(. I couldn't imagine that feeling right now. Least you know you're fertile, and I really really hope that you get your BFP quickly! (when you do start to try conceive!) - You've got such a neat plan of events, so it would be awesome if it all went smooth for you! And you've got a little angel baby watching too from above - so it'll be even more special :).

Aww, guys, you're gonna make me cry... :`) I'm so glad I came on this site, you ladies truly are angels! Baby dust for EVERYONE!!! 
:dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust:


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## Caite

I'm not sure which weather I'd prefer right now (well, hot and sunny, obviously). This time last year, we had heavy snow, really cold, and it lasted ages. But at least it looked pretty. Now, it's cold, windy (though it has settled today - think it's meant to be getting windy again, though), raining and cold. Loads of fields by me are flooded, though nowhere near down south, where the roads look like rivers. I think I'd prefer the snow again. Have you seen the pictures of some of the waves on the internet? I bet it's hot and sunny over there in NZ at the moment


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## Lovelymo79

IUI done today but I have no hope what so ever. This donor had the worst count ever - 2 million motile. My RE and nurse have advised me to use another bank after so many horrible counts. Not even looking forward to the 2ww. Gonna file a refund for the last donor and call them about this "free" one. 
I made my BFF not come because I wanted this one to be special and full of hope, with my usual playing music in the background. Never even played any music because I was too upset about the count. Filed a report for the 2nd donor from last cycle and will file another report for this 3rd donor today. I will leave this bank for good. I just want this 2 weeks to be over with.


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## Rags

Lovelymo79 said:


> IUI done today but I have no hope what so ever. This donor had the worst count ever - 2 million motile. My RE and nurse have advised me to use another bank after so many horrible counts. Not even looking forward to the 2ww. Gonna file a refund for the last donor and call them about this "free" one.
> I made my BFF not come because I wanted this one to be special and full of hope, with my usual playing music in the background. Never even played any music because I was too upset about the count. Filed a report for the 2nd donor from last cycle and will file another report for this 3rd donor today. I will leave this bank for good. I just want this 2 weeks to be over with.

Hi Lovelymo. This is turning into a reall issue with your donors. Can I ask are you in the UK? Just wondering because you should be able to access a clinic and donor through the NHS. I know that the waiting list can be a pain but at least you know you are getting sperm that has been checked before hand.


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## Lovelymo79

No, not in the UK. I'm in Texas, USA. 

I am going to just skate through this cycle and will get my refund for last cycle and this one and go to another bank.


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## Caite

Aww, Mo, your sperm bank sucks! How can they give you 3 rounds with rubbish sperm? Even though it was a rubbish count, I'm wishing you the best of luck for this month. And if it hasn't worked, best of luck for getting a good sperm bank for next month.


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## Lovelymo79

Actually 4 rounds of rubbish sperm, Caite. But, it's all good. We shall see how it all ends up. In the meantime, I'm just focusing on other things. But I do have other sperm banks as back up.


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## Rags

It's so easy to take the NHS for granted but i have to say i really owe them a huge thank you for DS. 
You never know, it only takes 1 to get through though.
Do you know which bank you will try next?


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## Lovelymo79

What is NHS?

I am looking at Xytex or Fairfax. I was at California Cryobank. 

So I have a friend who got pregnant on her 2nd IUI with a donor who had a decent count. Even though I was told that this last donor had a decent count, I should have known the numbers were too good to be true. 

My question is should I just take my money back and run to another bank (even my doctor and nurse thinks California Cryobank is stiffing me) or should I try my friend's donor?


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## Lovelymo79

Of course I'm hoping this one is the one, but just thinking one step ahead....


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## Caite

Not sure what you should do, Mo, sorry.

The NHS is the British National Health Service - the people who provide all care free at the point of delivery - but even better, they pay my salary!


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## melodyy_mtb

Heeeey everyone :)

So im on cd7 praying for a nice normal ovulating cycle lol. Its my last day on the soy. I've heard it can make you o early so I've started opks and have my donor on standby just in case. 

Caite - I feel the same sometimes. It can be a bit overwhelming not coming on here for a day or two and then seeing loads of posts like waaah :shrug: The wind's been mental hasn't it?! There has been a lot of trees knocked over round here and a brick wall on my road came down. 

You're right about the Soy, it can be used like Clomid. It should help bring on o. 

KN - When you look at it we really haven't been trying for long. 8/9 tries is nothing compared to some women. Its just heartbreaking every time you see that bfn :( I'm only on my 3rd actual cycle ttc but it feels like a year already lol. Im the same regarding the clinic route. Its way too expensive. Id have to save for a year or two at least. I 100% agree with you about the ongoing cost of a child. Its not the same. 

I wonder why af was so light for you this cycle. You're not on vitex are you? lol. I know it might sound silly but have you tested again? You do hear about women having light bleeds whilst pregnant.

Mo - I'm so so sorry this donor has also turned out to be a dud. I cant believe it :nope: Id take the money and run to a new bank. Fresh start and all that, but if you're ok with using the same donor as your friend... why not. I nearly used the same donor as a good friend of mine. He was just a really great guy but luckily i found someone even better.

There is still hope though. All it takes is one little spermy so try not to give up hope for this cycle. xxx


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## K.N

Caite - It definitely is hot and sunny! Awfully hot, Sometimes I wish it wasn't so much. NZ is shocking for humid muggy heat, even though we only read at about 31degrees C - It's the density of the air that I find worse.
BUT then I'd rather the heat then your extreme winds and stuff ;)

Mo - I'm so sorry about all your donor troubles :( Seems like you've really had a rough run with donors :( - Hopefully it all pans out, would be awesome for this cycle to be a success and then you don't have to worry about donor troubles anymore! It does only take one lucky little swimmer to get through - so x fingers even with a low count, you get a BFP. It would be cool to use the same donor as your friend, if he has a good count etc - for trust things etc, but then some would find it hard using the same donor - I guess it's a case of taking each circumstance into consideration and figuring out what's best in the long term. But again, hopeful that this month is successful and you don't need to worry about it. Positive thinking - has been known to work wonders!! 

Melody - You're right - some woman try for much longer than 8/9 months! I'm sure we'll all get our BFP's eventually. Hopefully it not too much time! Fingers crossed. But nah, I haven't tested again, I was thinking I will though - some friends of mine are planning a night together - just a few wines and a catch up, but I want to re-test and see if it's safe to have a glass of wine or not. I haven't taken vitex since early january - so I'm not sure that would have an impact; but AF lasted 2 days, and was very light - on the 2nd day, I was able to use just use a liner it was so light. But I am convinced it was a period rather than implantation spotting, I had all the same symptoms of a period. So who knows, I will test again - just to be sure. But hopes aren't high :).


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## melodyy_mtb

I know it hurts when you see that bfn but its better to be 100% sure. I was testing all throughout that long cycle, but i had to be sure. Stranger things have happened. My mum had 2 periods before she found out she was 4 months gone, and a girl on a donor forum i'm on thought she had a chemical but the Drs confirmed there was a heartbeat today.

fx for you, but if not at least you can relax and have a laugh with your mates, then we're attacking this next cycle with military precision! lol :hugs:


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## Caite

Personally, I don't think I'd be comfortable using the same donor as a friend. I would just find it a bit weird that the kids would be half siblings.

Just 31 degrees C! 31 degrees is pretty hot - it rarely gets that temperature over here. I get so excited when it gets over 30.

I found out the other day that someone I used to work with a few years ago is pregnant. She said a few years ago that if she wasn't pregnant by the time she was 30, she'd be going down the sperm donor route, and I think she has just turned 32 or 33. I think she's still single, so I think she has probably done it this way.


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## melodyy_mtb

Ooo you should speak to her. See if she has any tips!


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## Caite

I've not worked with her for at least 2 years, probably longer - I bumped in to her in the co-op about a year ago - I don't think I could ask her. And besides, no one in real life knows about this. My mum, and the rest of my family, really, will be really supportive if/when I get pregnant, but they are really old fashioned and are against any kind of conception which isn't 'natural'.


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## melodyy_mtb

I know what you mean. Well my extended family had to get rid of the idea of me conceiving by ni when I came out lol, but no one knows I'm ttc except my mother and a couple of friends.


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## K.N

I'm glad I'm not the only one who hasn't told people I'm ttc yet :). I have told 3 of my closest friends - who all support the choice 100%. One of them was unsure at first with it being such a big commitment - but she was really good, her & I sat down one day and we just talked about ttc and doing it solo. Really made me think, plenty of pro's and plenty of con's - but we talked about ways around the cons and ways to embrace the pro's - and she very quickly came to accept my decision. My mum and stepdad will be ecstatic when I tell them. They already can't wait for me to have a baby. My sister doesn't know formally - But I'm sure she knows secretly. Or expects it at least. The ones I'm scared about - are the lovely grandparents. Both VERY traditional in the way things are done. And some of my other really good friends. THey'll probably do the whole, "who's the dad, how'de you meet him, tell me evverything" kinda stuff, and really - I don't want to tell everyone everything. So I'll get to that obstacle when I'm pregnant - guess we all will! Whoever gets pregnant first will have to share how they tell people so we can use their advice! :D.


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## Caite

Definitely have to share ways of telling people, KN. My mum will definitely be excited. My nan is also the one I worry about telling the most. She feels sorry for women who get pregnant when they're not married even if they're living with their boyfriend. But, she's in her 80s, so I can forgive her being old-fashioned.

My friends will also want to know about the father. What are you planning on saying to that one? I was just going to say something really vague and then say he doesn't want anything to do with the pregnancy/baby.


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## Lovelymo79

Hi all. I'm in the midst of traveling so haven't really been on here. I'm 9dpo and haven't really thought about it much. 

I came to Atlanta on Thursday to go to Alabama this past weekend for my great-uncle's funeral. It was great to see my family and they were a great distraction. I'm now on my way back to Atlanta for a few more days before heading back to Texas. I arrive home 13dpo and will test that next morning. 

If it's a BFN, then I'm going to a new sperm bank and going on from there. Decided not to use same sperm bank as friend because she is with the same bank that I got the crappy numbers from.


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## Caite

Mo, I'm sorry about your great-uncle. But you're off travelling again - you seem to have such an exciting life going everywhere!


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## Lovelymo79

Yes, I'm fortunate that I have a career that is flexible, only has me working 3 days a week and I love! I have no family in Texas so I try to get out as often as possible!


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## Caite

I worked 3 days a week when I was a nurse and that was full time hours. They were long days, but they were worth it for the 4 days off. Working 5 days a week is killing me!

What do you do for work, Mo?


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## Lovelymo79

I'm a nurse :). I can actually work 6 days in a row (Friday - Wednesday) and then have 8 days off and come back the foowing Friday. So I can leave and go away for a week and not use any vacation time. So it's great. 

I need to take a mini-vacation during every 2ww. Lol.


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## Caite

That's the best bit about only working 3 days.


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## Caite

Well, it's getting a bit close and a bit scary and really real now. I've just emailed the clinic I think I will probably use in Denmark asking for more information. I wasn't really sure what to ask about, so asked about how it works with them being in Denmark and me being in the UK for scans etc, whether the prices on their website cover everything (3 cycles of IVF for 36500DKR (£4031) or if there are additional costs - I assume meds will be extra), about the medications and how I go about obtaining them, and if they can guarantee an English speaker there at all times - I guess they can, the Europeans are so much better at speaking English than we are at speaking other European languages.


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## Child2Hold

Caite said:


> Well, it's getting a bit close and a bit scary and really real now.

:haha: I hear you on this. Every time I see my countdown I start freaking out.


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## Caite

And yours isn't that far away! Yay. Exciting! Though I guess that's not helpful? I see everything those who are currently TTC are going through, and I honestly don't know how I will keep my sanity going through that. It's bad enough watching them go through it.

Well, I got an email back from the clinic today. They want to phone me rather than answer all my questions in the email. I'll probably arrange it for the week after next - I've got quite a bit going on in the next week or so. But they did say they all speak English, which is such a relief. I was beginning to wonder how much Danish I could learn in the next couple of months? (Not much I guess, though I do quite like languages, so might try and learn a bit for when I go over there). I can't imagine how scary it must be having such an invasive procedure and not getting a word of what they're saying. Although, I can sort of imagine how frustrating it would be. I've looked after a few patients who didn't speak English. Google translate was my saviour. It was quite embarrassing trying to mime to an elderly Arabian man (and I wasn't sure whether I was meant to talk about such things with him in his culture?) to ask him whether he had passed urine since coming to hospital.

Mo - how are you getting on? Nearly time to test. FX'd for you.

Melody - I see you're about mid-cycle(ish). How's this cycle going? Did you take the Soy? Any signs of ovulation yet? (Sorry, feel free to tell me to quit asking so many questions - I won't be offended!).

Hope everyone else is well.


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## Caite

Oh, and I found out today my other cousin is pregnant (that's at least 5 people I know having babies at the moment). I don't really know how I feel about it. My other cousin is happily married and has a couple of kids already. This one is in an abusive on/off relationship and isn't financially stable to support herself let alone a child. When she splits up with him, she moves back in with her parents, who support her financially, despite the fact that they're nearing retirement themselves and have paid off a ton of debts for her already. She had to sell the house she had with her ex as they split up and she fell behind with the mortgage (which her parents kept up for her until it was sold). She miscarried about 6 months ago - I don't know if that baby was planned or not - but I think this one is probably a 'replacement' for the miscarried baby. I know I sound a bit judgemental, and I don't mean to be, but I'm just quite annoyed with the fact that we're all here, waiting until the time is right to do this, and I know she really wants to be a mum, but there she is, not in the best place emotionally, financially or in any other way.

Anyway, my mum saw her today, I didn't, and she wants my support 'as a midwife' (I'm really near qualifying now). I don't know if she wants me to be her kind of birth partner or her midwife or just to let her know what to expect? Whatever she wants, I will be happy to help and support her, and I won't rant at her about anything, but I knew you ladies would understand my frustrations, and I felt as though I needed to rant at someone who understood.


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## Child2Hold

5 weeks!!! I'm so excited :dance: and nervous. :wacko: Seeing how long it takes some folks and my mom's issues scares me.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hello girlies :wave:

Catie- You're so funny. Of course you're not asking too many questions lol. I did take the soy but it didnt make me o early. I'm not sad about that though as I needed some time to get my head back in the game. I stopped taking the Vitex ages ago, so I'm thinking my cycle's back to 40 days which means I should o around the 9th of March (cd27). I'm using the clearblue digi tests so hopefully it will give me my 4 most fertile days and I can get at least 3 donations in. 

You can definitely have a rant here. We all understand. Sometimes it doesn't seem fair when women/couples are completely ready for a baby but suffer such difficulty ttc, and then there's others who just have to sneeze and they're pregnant lol. But our time will come and when you start ttc, we'll be here to support you :hugs:

Mo - Can't believe its time to test already! Let us know how it goes. Fx for you, and if its not your time this month, at least you can start things moving with a new bank! :dust:

Child2hold - It's really not long for you is it?! I've been stalking your journal and I can see you had some bad luck with your first donor. I had a few problems with previous donors before I found my current one. I hope things go well with your new d. My mum also has really bad fibroids. I hope everything gets off to a smooth start for you hun. xx


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## Child2Hold

Thanks Melody. 
:dust: to everyone


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## Caite

Thanks Melody. I was kind of thinking about what I wrote and was hoping I didn't come across as a bitch. I've got tomorrow off, and my aunty normally visits my nan on a Friday or Saturday, and if my cousin is there, she'll go too, so I might pop up in the morning when they'll be there. I'm actually quite excited now if she doesn't go back to him, and if she wants me as a birthing partner, then that'll actually be quite nice, I guess.

Anyway, 3 donations sounds good. Your donor seems really accommodating.


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## melodyy_mtb

No, you didn't come across like that at all. It can be very upsetting when others fall pregnant so easily, especially if their lives are really unstable and volatile. But I can tell you really want to be there for her. I was a birthing partner for a friend who's boyfriend left her when he found out she was pregnant. It was the most amazing experience ever! 

Lol yeah my donor is really awesome. He's even set to meet me at work if I get a pos opk during the week :haha: That's going to be a weird experience, inseminating on my lunch break lol. 

I'm really excited for you to start ttc, is that weird? lol :hugs:


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## Caite

It's not weird. Or if it is, I'm weird too cos I get all excited when you are all in the TWW. I get really impatient to know whether it is going to be a good month for you. Anyway, it's nice that you're excited for me - thank you! She wasn't at my mum's today, so I guess they'll be visiting tomorrow. 

I'm exciting to start, too. My ticker has just gone down to less than 4 months!

I've been doing quite a bit of research the last few days. I had heard that the Czech Republic and Spain were good for IVF, but the Czech Republic won't treat single women, and the one clinic I looked at in Spain, well I wasn't too impressed with it. They were on about what to do with any embryos which aren't transferred. You had to choose either to have them frozen, donated to another woman, donated for research or destroyed, and they had to contact you every two years to confirm whether to continue storing them if necessary, and if they couldn't contact you, they would make the decision what to do with the embryos. They also said that, if you chose to have them destroyed, they might not be able to do that until the end of your reproductive years. So basically, it sounded like they would either use them in research or for another woman. I don't like the idea of those (especially going to another woman. I think I would be OK donating eggs, but donating an embryo would, I think, be different. It would have the potential to be a biological full brother or sister to a baby I might have had with that batch of embryos, and that is just a weird idea). So I excluded that clinic straight off. I still prefer the sound of the one in Denmark.

I bet that will be weird, inseminating on your lunch break. I guess, if he is going to meet you at work if need be, you don't live close enough to pop home? It would be ideal if you did, though. At least it would be a more normal experience to do it the insemination at home.


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## Caite

And Mo - if you haven't yet done the test, good luck!


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## K.N

I'm back guys! Just had a big long read to catch up on! Have been here there and everywhere - but it sounds like things are looking bright for you all! X fingers!

Caite - I'm so glad it's not long till you can start ttc with us! As Melody said - you're fine to have a rant here! It's SO hard when you see and know so many people TTC desperately, and then someone else get's pregnant - JUST like that. Especially when they're people who already have kids, or as you say - they aren't really stable. The world is cruel unfortunately :( And it is hard :( My friend who got pregnant just like *that* is nearing the birth of her little girl - and it's so hard to be excited with her, I really want to be - and I try - she's one of my best friends. But it is hard :(. Usually it's when I leave her place, or sign off facebook chat with her - that I just have a moment to myself. Funnily enough Melody - I was her birthing partner 2 years ago nearly - because the same thing happened! Her partner left her pregnant, and noone was there for her except me. It was so amazing - being at a birth is something so special! I would love to become a birth photographer! 
Back you you Caite - I don't blame you for not being impressed with the Spain clinic! That's shocking! The idea that BIOLOGICALLY you have another kid out there, because they implanted your embryo into someone else - while good for that someone else, is just a weird idea. It's good that you have time to check your options, compare places etc first though before getting thrown in the deep end.

Mo - Hope things are going ok for you :) any symptoms or anything exciting yet? I'm so jealous of all your adventures during your 2ww! They seem so fun! Probably the BEST way for you to spent your 2ww's - keep you busy and occupied! Sorry to hear about your uncle though :(. 

Melody - That's great you've got such an awesome donor now! It will be a weird experience inseminating on your lunch break - but at least you'll get the opportunity :) Sometimes I had to inseminate before work in the morning. Found the best way to do it - was just to wear a liner - not sure what you call them over there - they might have a unique name somewhere other than NZ . Just makes things a bit more comfy - eg leakage :/. I always packed spare undies though - JUST in case hahahahahaha. Never needed them, but I didn't wanna be stuck feeling yucky all day if I was working till 5.30pm! The only thing that was tricky was the whole 30 minutes lying down after wards! 

Child2hold - I just started reading your journal - sounds so much like me - well what I've read so far anyway! Only difference being I'm only 21 - not 29. And none of the medical stuff - just the whole buying things early, relationships not appealing all that kinda stuff. I love your little "keep calm and get pregnant in2014" picture! Praying that you have no problems at all - and can start growing a little peanut soon :)


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## Caite

Hi KN - glad you're back. How's everything going for you? Thank you for all the lovely words. As I said, I don't think I would have a problem with egg sharing, but I think donating (by choice or otherwise) an embryo, is different. I still get amazed at every birth I'm at. It's wonderful. I've been on labour ward for 5 or 6 months now, and I still find every birth special and exciting, and I don't even know the woman.


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## melodyy_mtb

Catie - Woohoo less than 4 months! :happydance: Time's going so quickly. Aww it's nice that you get excited for us too. Cant wait till you're ttc as well. That Spain clinic sounds rather dodgy. I would assume they most probably want the embryos for research purposes *shudders*.

I live about a 20 minute bus ride away from work so I don't think I'd be able to get there and back in time. I could possibly take the morning off if I gave a day or two's notice. 

KN - You're back, yaaay :hugs:Yeah being a birthing partner is amazing isnt it? Nothing like being right there with mummy as she gives birth, well except for giving birth yourself lol. 

That's great advice about the liners and extra underwear. Lol we call them liners too :D The lying down bit is going to be tricky. I may have to do it in a bathroom stall. I'm keeping a blanket and some pillows at work. I figured I'd lie on the floor with my legs up on the toilet :haha: I should only have to inseminate at work once hopefully. 

x


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## K.N

I've been good! Inseminated Tuesday - was going to do it again today; because I find I either ovulate early or late so to cover my basis. Unfortunately my donor couldn't actually make ovulation day. But anyway, this morning, I went toilet and when wiping noticed a decent about of spotting on the toilet paper. So I'm not sure what it means! I should have ovulated Friday or yesterday - so no way is my period due. That would give me a 2 week cycle!! So if monthly is on it's way - I'll be sad :( another cycle out. But at least I don't have to wait the 2ww I guess. The other idea for what it could be, is I ovulated early like I thought I might - and on Tuesday insemination an egg was fertilised and the bleeding is implantation bleeding. But I don't want to get my hopes up. I hear implantation bleeding is more pinkish and only a little bit. This was just like the start of a period. Sorry if tmi! Hahaa! 
Sigh. I'll keep you all updated though on how the day goes!


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## melodyy_mtb

That is peculiar. I highly doubt it's af though. Like you said, that would give you a 2 week cycle. :wacko: It sounds like ib. See I've read that it should be more of a brown colour! Who knows! lol. Aww I hope this is a good sign hun.

I'm using the clearblue duel hormone tests this cycle. Got my first 'high fertility' smiley today. I called my donor and I'll definitely be inseminating next Tuesday, but if i get a peak fertility smiley tomorrow then he'll come over. He just cant do monday. The last time I used these tests I got 4 days of high fertility, so im hoping it will be the same this cycle. Im hoping to get at least 3 donations this month. How many times do you usually inseminate?


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## K.N

It is peculiar! I have got some cramps going on - but they only started when I wiped the spotting, so could be more mental cramps then actual cramps hahaa. I'm gunna take some panadol - put some girly things in my bag (just in case) and head out for the day and try not to think about it. I guess ib could be anything really - depending on the person, I really hope it is - but I'm so used to not having my hopes fulfilled with this TTC stuff - so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. If it ends up being AF, Then I have NO idea what my cycles are up to lol - 40 days down to 14, days! And I'm no longer taking the vitex either! I've just been maintaining my multi vitamins that I've had the whole time - and making sure I eat plenty of meat, veges and fruit etc. 

Also - Goodluck for your inseminations during the week! Fingers crossed! I hope you get a nice 4 day fertile stage. Sperm can live up to 7 days inside apparently if they get to the right place, so I usually inseminate at the start of my fertile peak, the day of predicted Ovulation - or the day before. And again the day after. SOMETIMES when my donor is already in town, we'll add another in there somewhere though :) I know my random as fertile stages - so i just like to cover my basis if i O early or late.


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## Caite

KN - I hope it is implantation bleeding. That would be so exciting.

Melody - good luck for Tuesday and today if you've got a peak today. That doesn't sound too comfy lying in the loo. But needs must I guess.


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## melodyy_mtb

No peak today so it looks like we're set for Tuesday! There is a small possibility I can get the morning off that day so fx I'll be able to inseminate at home lol. 

KN you have a 40 day cycle? Me too! Or has it gone down since you tried the Vitex? I have a feeling the soy might make me o a few days early. My head's hurting trying to work out when to inseminate after Tuesday. Might just try for every other day till I get a peak. Definitely like the idea of covering all basis though. My cycles are random as well lol.

x


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## Caite

Melody - I hope you manage to get Tuesday morning off. It would be so much nicer for you to be able to inseminate at home and not have to lie on the toilet floor.

My cycles are random too. It sucks. That's why I'm thinking IVF will be the best option for me. I've spent some time researching it further today (I was meant to be doing work for uni). I will have to be in Denmark longer than I thought (5 days for the actual procedure) and I'll have to have more scans than I thought, which can be done at a clinic over here.

I was almost tempted to tell my mum earlier today, but wasn't quite brave enough to do so. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it to myself when I am TTC. And goodness knows what I'll be like if/when I actually get pregnant.


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## Rags

Caite, I can't immagine how it would feel not telling my mum. After I started reaserching my options I went to my mum and told her what I was hoping to do. She was so supportive. It was so nice knowing that she knew and that I could speak to her about what was happening. I didn't feel the need to go into huge detail with her, or even tell her every time I tried, but it was so nice when I got my BFP to call her and tell her and not have to worry at that point about the 'Who/how' questions. 
Denmark sounds so promising for you, fingers crossed. When might you be thinking of trying, is there a long wait from getting in touch to being able to start?


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## Caite

I'm close to my mum, but she is old fashioned and doesn't approve of 'unnatural' methods of conception. So whilst I know she'll be supportive if/when I get pregnant, I know she won't like the idea of me having IVF.

I emailed the clinic I think I will use in Denmark. It seems reasonably priced compared to the UK clinics, I can use anonymous donor sperm from there, and it is in Copenhagen, and there are direct flights there. They emailed me back wanting to phone me to answer all the questions I had sent them, so I am going to arrange that for the end of this week or early next week. I don't think there is a waiting list. I think I will be aiming to start June sort of time, but it depends on getting a job first. I had an interview last week, but I don't know if I've got the job yet, and I don't know anything like hours, so I need to hear back off them first.


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## Caite

And having said that I don't want to til my mum until I am 12 weeks pregnant (assuming I get pregnant), I don't think I'll be able to wait that long. I'll probably end up telling her, at the latest, when I find out I am pregnant.


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## Rags

I think I take it for granted that parents will always support well thought out choices, sorry that's not the case for you. My mum is in her 70's but is an amazingly forward thinking person. She has seen so many unwanted and uncared for children brought into the world that the idea of not being there for one that is planned and loved would be rediculose to her. 
June is a fab month to go for it. What is the policy in Demnard about donor anonimity, are they contactable at 18 or can they remain annonimous? Just curious.

Cheers


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## Caite

She would support me, but I know her feelings on IVF - she's quite vocal about it - and so I know she wouldn't approve of it, even if she didn't say it direct to me.

Denmark has either anonymous or non-anonymous sperm donation, and you buy it as either. If it is anonymous, they are not contactable at all. That is what I want, and one of the main reasons I am looking into going to Denmark for treatment. There are some other countries in Europe/localish to Europe which have similar policies regarding anonymity. Spain is one of them, but the one clinic I found, I didn't like the sound of. From a quick search, Russia and the Ukraine also offer anonymous donation to single women, but I don't particularly fancy going there at the moment. There are others, too, which offer anonymity, but they don't treat single women. 

The only problem I seem to have found with Denmark so far is that it is meant to be quite expensive there. Not the IVF side of things, but staying in Copenhagen. When I first started looking, I was considering going to a sperm bank in Aarhus and doing it myself. Regardless of the fact that that wouldn't really have been practical, there were no direct flights and getting there was either expensive or inconvenient. I would have had to got a flight or a train from Copenhagen. A flight would have been expensive (from what I can remember, it was more expensive than flying from the UK to Copenhagen) and a train would have taken a long time. I've had a quick look at some hotels and they seem fairly reasonable, but I have read quite a big which says that staying in Denmark - hotels, restaurants and the like - are quite expensive. Still, it'll all be worth it, I'm sure.


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## melodyy_mtb

I planned not to tell my mum until I got a bfp but for different reasons. I knew she would be over the moon for me ttc no matter what method I used but I just wanted to surprise her. We're really close too and as I'll be a smbc I thought of it as the equivalent to surprising a partner with the good news. :haha: But after my first bfn I really needed more support. I'm happy she knows everything now though. I think I'd burst if I couldn't share the whole experience with her.

I actually just had to call her in a panic. I'm really stressing out about this cycle. I just want it to go well. Looking back through my charts I tend to get super anxious and depressed several days before I o. Anyone ever get stressed before a donation? Its like all the opks and temping are just merging into a blury mess lol. I'm worried I wont time it right. :wacko:

Caite hearing about all the research you're doing is just making the time go so quickly. Not long till summer comes and you're ttc :happydance: It must be hard having to get through uni work when there's all this ttc information distracting you lol.

Rags how's you and your lo doing?


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## Rags

Caite said:


> The only problem I seem to have found with Denmark so far is that it is meant to be quite expensive there. Not the IVF side of things, but staying in Copenhagen. When I first started looking, I was considering going to a sperm bank in Aarhus and doing it myself. Regardless of the fact that that wouldn't really have been practical, there were no direct flights and getting there was either expensive or inconvenient. I would have had to got a flight or a train from Copenhagen. A flight would have been expensive (from what I can remember, it was more expensive than flying from the UK to Copenhagen) and a train would have taken a long time. I've had a quick look at some hotels and they seem fairly reasonable, but I have read quite a big which says that staying in Denmark - hotels, restaurants and the like - are quite expensive. Still, it'll all be worth it, I'm sure.

Unfortunately you are right, Denmark is very expensive all round. Have you looked in to youth hostels and back packers in Copenhagen? They can be really comfortable these days and you can normaly book a single room rather than dormatories, it might be a way of keeping costs down a bit. Also the clinic may have a list of places they recomend as I bet they get quite a few clients coming from abroad. Also, at that time of year it may be worth seeing if the uni has accomodation, once the students leave universities are generaly keen to let out rooms and flats, over here the rates are normaly pretty good out of term.

Melodyy_mtb, Ds and I are well thanks. He's going to be 4 next week and been keeping me on my toes. 
I had always planned on telling him how he came about but he's thrown me quite a bit over the last month by asking loads of direct questions about how babies are made (my friend had a baby in January). My plan has been to answer each question honestly and simply then wait till he asks something else, normaly a week or two later. So he knows that it takes 2 'seeds', that one was in me and that the other came from a hospital. He understands that the other seed normaly comes from the man who is the dad but not in our case. He mentioned that his uncle was like his dad so couldn't we have used his seed!! So as of yesterday he knows that brothers and sisters and cousins can't make babies together as the baby could be very sick because the seeds come from people who are to closely related. He knows where his best friends seeds came from and that some mums and dads don't really like to tell their children how they are made so if he wants to talk about it all to anyone else maybe he should stick to family just now - although my friend has said she's perfectly happy for him to talk to her 4 year old daughter about it all and she will back up the answers. So there you go, I didn't think that I'd be getting into it all this early but to be honest I'm pretty glad it's all happening now as this way I'm hoping it will all just be normal and something he has always known rather than some great revolation when he's older.


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## K.N

Melody: I normally have between 38 and 40 day cycles :) When i first started TTC i was bang on 28 days every month. But then after 6 months, they went to really long cycles. The past 3 months have been short though, 27 days - 26 days; then this cycle - 17 days. Eeek. Yesterdays spotting, was just the morning, then throughout the day it was soo light - but really really dark brown. But then last night - it was a normal flow. so I really, have no idea what is going on. Needless to say yesterday I didn't go ahead and inseminate. I think I'll be booking an appt with my GP when I'm home from australia, they can't do a lot - because I am fertile - but they might be able to help me with the lengths of my cycles changing and help me pin point ovulation exactly. 

I really want to say I could tell my mum - I so want too; but I can already hear her lecture ringing in my ears about life. She will be STOKED when I get a BFP, I always show her the baby clothes i buy every now and then and she gets so excited with me - she can't wait till I have kids - But I think she thinks it's a little further away than it is hahaa. I don't think she'll ask tooooo many questions, I think she'll be the *need to know* kind of person. She has a friend, who has a kid through in-home insemination, so she will know all the details already from that person! It's so interesting all the different relationships people have with their parents and the abilities to share different things with them!

Rags: I love your seed explanation, that's such a good way to get it out. You're right, 4 is quite early; but at least he'll grow up knowing - and it will probably just seem a normal thing for him. he won't get into school and go, hmm - wheres my daddy. Because he'll already know. That's also really cool how your friend is happy to discuss it too - and back up what you're saying with her girl. You'll definitely be the go-to lady when we all need help on how to word things!! ;)

Melody: Aw - Hope she knew the right things to calm you :). Sometimes I get more nervous then other times - I'm sure it's all the ovulation hormones mixed with the anxiety of how important timing etc is - and how life changing one week can be! Try not to fret, They're all normal emotions - All my limbs are crossed for your BFP <3 <3


----------



## Caite

Well, I've spent the afternoon/evening on uni work. Only a few more days til I finish the course. I can't wait. I am getting so distracted by researching TTC stuff. But it's kind of related (?) so it sort of counts - that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.

I will be so excited telling my mum if and when it happens. She will be so excited - she is desperate to be a grandmother, so I can only imagine how excited she will be. And my nan will be a bit disappointed/upset at first (she feels sorry for unmarried women who get pregnant, even if they are in a serious relationship), but then I think she will get excited having a great-grandchild living fairly local (I live about 10 miles, if that, from them). My cousin with lives about an hour or so away and we don't see them very often, and my other cousin (the one I've just found out is pregnant) is about 5 miles away when she's with her parents and I don't know where when she's with him. I've just realised that my nan could have 3 of her 4 grandkids pregnant (well, the one that I call my cousin (the one with kids that I found out a while ago is pregnant, not the recent one) is actually my cousin's wife, but it's the same difference) at the same time. How exciting for her!

Melody - I hope your mum managed to calm you down. It's understandable that it all gets a bit crazy around ovulation time. You've got so much to co-ordinate all at once, it must get so hectic and stressful. I hope this cycle goes well for you and you get your BFP.

Rags - quite a few hostels came up when I searched but I didn't even look at them. I presumed they would all be shared rooms, but if they are single rooms, I might just have to have a look. And staying in a uni would be fun. This is my second degree I'm doing and I've never lived at uni. The first time, uni was about half an hour up the road, I was still living at home, so just stayed there. This time, I'm living in my own house. We have to go to a few different campuses, so some are a long drive away, but the one, and the hospital I have my placements in, are about twenty minutes away.

And that's good your son is learning about where babies come from. It won't be such a shock when he's a little older and doesn't have to suddenly learn that babies don't get found under the gooseberry bush or delivered by the stork. My mum was honest about it with me and my sister - we never had the alternative stories - and I think that is the best way.


----------



## Caite

KN - sorry you got your period. That's rubbish having a 17 day cycle. And weird that you've gone from a normal, regular cycle to this.


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## melodyy_mtb

KN - I'm so sorry :( A 17 day cycle? That's crazy! Definitely book an app with your dr. Although was it just full flow for one night? The brown colour at first makes me think it could be ib... 

Please keep us informed :hugs:

Rags - It's really great to hear from someone who is actually a smbc. I second what KN said, I love the seed analogy. I think I will definitely take the same approach if and when my lo asks about their bio father or how babies are made.

Caite - Congrats on coming to the end of your course. Now its just a few short months till baby making time :haha: I definitely know what you mean about your mum being happy/excited when you get that bfp but not wanting to tell her before. I'm like that with my dad. I know he will be over the moon and supportive but I'm not telling him anything about the actual process as he's very old fashioned.

I did manage to calm down, thanks guys lol. I feel like I've got a burst of adrenaline though. That must be the anxiety. KN I get really nervous too. Sometimes I fret calling my donor when I get a + opk because I dont want to disturb him lol. 

I'm not inseminating tomorrow now :( Well not if my opks are still negative. My donor can only make it twice this week so I really want those tries to count. I'll be trying the day I get a + opk and then 2 days later as I usually o 48 hours after my lh surge.


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> KN - I'm so sorry :( A 17 day cycle? That's crazy! Definitely book an app with your dr. Although was it just full flow for one night? The brown colour at first makes me think it could be ib...

yeah a 17 day is cycle - even for someone who has random cycles, how is 17 days even possible; because first you need an egg to go through so the body KNOWS if it needs to shed the lining or not! It's crazy! But yeah it was only the night - Yesterday was just back to barely anything, and by mid arvo - there was nothing. Today I thought there still might be a flow, but it's just clear CM. I guess it could be ib - but for ib - I think it would probably have been too heavy to be that though - even if it was only one night. I'll pack pregnancy tests in my australia suitcase just in case and if I don't get a normal period then - I'll still test; just to be sure - but my hopes are relatively low. 

Melody; ttc has got to be the most emotional thing ever! Hopefully you get you positive opk soon - what day do you think is meant to be your ovulation? Sucks you're not inseminating tomorrow - but as you said, you want it to count. fingers xd!

Caite; congrats on nearly being at the end of your course! It's such a good feeling!! :D :D I really really hope it doesn't take you long to get a BFP :D


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## Caite

Thanks KN. FX that that wasn't a proper period, then, and was just heavy implantation bleeding.


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## Child2Hold

K.N., Melody, Caite - fingers crossed for you guys!

Is it just me or the closer time gets the more scared "we" become?


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## Caite

I'm getting terrified, and every time I see my ticker go down another month, I realise how close it is getting and I get a little bit more scared. But I get more excited too.


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks child2hold :thumbup: Gosh you'll be ttc soon! Aww you and Caite must be nervous/excited. I was a wreck my first actual try lol.

KN I know you don't want to get your hopes up but ib definitely sounds like a better reason rather than a 17 day cycle! :wacko: I have everything crossed for you. I hope you enjoy your trip to Australia and can relax. A BFP would be the most amazing thing, but if it isnt meant to be this month, I would definitely get o the gp.

Well I got a peak on the clearblue digi test today but a negative cheapie opk! What the heck is that about?! Lol. Im waiting till tomorrow to see my donor as he can only make it twice this week. I want to be 100% sure, test again tonight etc. Plus when I do o it is always 48 hours after my + opk so hopefully if I inseminate tomorrow and Friday I should be covered. Fx! 

If I do o on Friday then that's 2 days earlier than expected. I took soy this month and so far this week I've noticed watery cm and I can feel twinges in both ovaries today :huh: lol


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## Caite

Hopefully the soy's doing the trick, Melody. Good luck for your insemination. Will you be able to inseminate at home?


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## melodyy_mtb

Hopefully! 

I just inseminated.. at work! :haha: I was very anxious and nervous. My poor donor. I hope he didn't feel rushed. But I got a very good sample lol. I put lots of cotton wool in one of those coffee cups, hid the syringe in there and handed him the cup at the door. Very inconspicuous haha.

I was worried about my bosses wondering where I was but they didnt even notice I left my desk for about 20 minutes. It wasnt very good (gravity wise) lying on the floor. I forgot my cushion. Definitely going to use it tomorrow.

I also didn't get to lie down for very long, but women get pregnant in all sorts of positions I guess lol. One more insemination tomorrow then that's it. I hope I got the timing right.

We need an abbreviation for us at home insemination girlies. Partner'd people have bd and dtd. I get fed up of writing insemination/inseminated all the time lol. Maybe we could also use dtd but for 'did the deed', or si for 'syringed it' hahaha.

x


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## Caite

Haha Melody. The way you said you handed him the cup made me laugh. And I'm sure gravity isn't going to make that much difference, really - as you say, people get pregnant in all sorts of positions. I like the idea of an abbreviation for us lot. I think, when I start, I'll go for dtd, as it won't actually be a syringe. Just a long, thin catheter in to my uterus. Urgh, sounds uncomfortable. Anyway, I hope today's or tomorrows 'SI' does the trick.

I've finished uni. No more exams/assignments/clinical practice outcomes to get. I've a few more shifts to do, and a couple more babies to deliver, and then I'm done. I am so excited. I can't wait to be an actual real midwife. Yay.


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## K.N

Hahaa Melody - I'm laughing at your 'DTD' and 'SI' abbreviation! But so true! I don't like writing inseminated all the time either! It's just an awkward word. You're on SOY at the moment ae? Have you got much info about it? I'm just curious - Because I'm on a soy diet, as I'm allergic to dairy - but I just heard that soy can cause infertility, but then I was thinking that they give soy to those WITH infertility? I don't have a lot. Maybe some soy milk in a bowl of cereal and 1 or 2 hot chocolates - made with mostly water. When I cook, I use oat milk rather than soy milk. And I've stopped having soy yoghurts and stuff - coz they're just so expensive! Wondering if it's worth investigating - or if I'm just finding excuses as to why I haven't conceived; rather than nature lol. 

People definitely get pregnant in the weirdest positions. I mean, I get the whole watch the diet - eat healthy - avoid caffeine - lay flat for an hour - blah blah blah; I do it all myself! BUT at the end of the day, the stories you hear of people getting pregnant, really makes you wonder if all the effort we go through is worth it or not! Some people - I swear they just have to hold a males hand and they're pregnant. I guess all it takes is some healthy strong little swimmers to make their way through to the right place. Weird question, have any of you watched "The great sperm race"?? My friend made me watch it a few months ago, really intriguing when you put the whole journey into human perspective.

Child2Hold - it does get scary when you get close! But also so exciting :). 
Caite - The tickers are great huh! It's exciting watching it go down with you! 3 months will fly by :) I'm sure you'll make an awesome actual real midwife! I'd LOVE to be a midwife, but I can't deal with needles all too well unfortunately! Enjoy having no more study!! Catch some time to yourself over the next 3 months :).

I go to Auckland tomorrow - Then the day after fly out to Australia for 2 weeks. I've got pregnancy tests packed - just in case. But in the meantime, if I don't get on - then goodluck for the wait Melody!! I hope Mo is doing ok - haven't heard from her in awhile! Will check back once I'm settled in my hotel over in aussie :)


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## Caite

Aww thank you KN. You all travel so much. Have a fab time in Australia and FX for a BFP whilst you're over there.

Melody I hope today goes/went well for you.


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## fairytales87

Hi:wave: I haven't been around much for approx 5months so just had a wee read to catch up on the thread!! Things had sadly changed for myself so ttc is looking even further away now :cry:
Goodluck to those in 2ww and those beginning their ttc journeys soon


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## melodyy_mtb

Hiiii fairytales87 :hi: Haven't seen you on here in ages. Aww hun I hope everything's ok. If you feel like sharing why things have changed, you can always talk here :hugs:

Caite - Hehehe I know! It was rather funny. We have security at the front desk of my office building. They must have wondered what I was doing escorting a strange man into the building with a cup, vanishing for a bit, then coming back without the cup, walking him out, then returning again with the cup :rofl: My donor did say we have very nice facilities so I guess it wasnt all bad lol. I like dtd too, si is funny though. It sounds like you'll be doing iui like mo, in a clinic?

Congratulations on finishing uni! :wohoo: I remember how that felt. You should be really proud of yourself! Now to focus on ttc lol.

KN - I ran the abbreviations past my mum yesterday. She squirmed at si but quite liked dtd lol. What about dtsd (did the syringe dance) or even just sd hahaha.

Yeah I'm trying Soy Isoflaves this cycle. Took it cd 3-7. I'm not sure how much it has to do with soy milk etc. I only drink soya milk too, have done since my teens. I also mostly eat soy products since I became a vegetarian several years ago. I haven't read about soy iso causing infertility though. It is often used like a herbal alternative to clomid. I read a lot about it before trying. I know it's used for pms, menopausal symptoms etc. That being said, you never know... I mean I thought Vitex was the answer to all my prayers but it gave me a 58 day anovulatory cycle :wacko: 

You should be ok, it doesnt sound like you have large amounts of soy in your diet. Im a bit worried about myself though lol. Let's both investigate it a bit further haha.


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## Caite

Melody - they must have wondered what was going on. Haha. I think I'll have to do IVF as my cycles are so irregular that I'm not sure IUI would work. I need to speak to the clinic I want to use.


Fairytales - sorry TTC is even further away for you now. 

It felt good finishing uni. I've got to go back to placement, though, and deliver a couple more babies.


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## melodyy_mtb

I know how you feel. My cycles are horrendus! IVF huh, you'll end up with twins hehe. Lucky <3

Aww you get to deliver babies, what a beautiful way to end your time at uni.

Well i got a temp dip this morning :cry::cry::cry: I'm majorly worried. Feel like this is going to be another anovulatory cycle. I really hope it isnt.


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## Caite

Twins would be lovely. I've read so much on other countries, I can't even remember if it is Denmark - I think it is - that allow you to put two back, so it could be a possibility! I take it a dip is not a good sign, then Melody? I'm really hoping you get your BFP this time.


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## fairytales87

Caite- Enjoy your last few sn deliverys 
I used to work in maternity & miss it very much 
I'm not long qualified in my job and remember that fab feeling of finishing uni :winkwink: when I first started looking at my options I began looking abroad but it became such a crazy mass of info places clinics etc that I crossed it off my options rather quickly!! How did you find it? Did you ever worry about the healthcare difference between there and here?

Melody- I'm sorry it's looking that way for you this cycle the majority of my cycles are anovulatory which Can be frustrating hugs


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## Caite

It's a great feeling, isn't it, finishing uni. I've suddenly realised how little time I've actually had to myself the last 18 months. I made jam for the first time in ages today. It was great not having to worry about anything.

Do you mean when you started looking at TTC options? It is a bit overwhelming at first, I agree. I definitely wanted anonymous donation, so I started off by googling that. I don't know how the thought even came to me that there might be anonymous donation available abroad - I guess I must have read something somewhere about it. Denmark was the first that came up. Initially, I was planning on doing self insemination (SI, in Melody's words!) as you can buy it over the counter over there. I really liked the idea of this as it seemed the least clinical way of going about it. But, when I thought about it, it wasn't very practical, both for travel and the fact that my cycles are so irregular. So I continued googling, and firstly came across some fertility clinics in Copenhagen, which were much easier to get to than Aarhus. Then, as I googled some more, I found more European countries which allowed anonymous donation. There are, however, quite a number which don't treat single women. Some of these were quite surprising, such as the Netherlands and Germany.

Are you from the UK, Fairytales? How are you planning on TTC?


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## fairytales87

Yes I'm from Scotland 
My plans are for Diui at a local clinic, iui wouldn't be my choice of treatments but it's all that my local clinic will offer single women, SI wouldn't be an option for myself either due to irregular and anovulatory cycles which is a tiny part of my reason for going solo.


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## Caite

They must thing it has a good chance of working, else they wouldn't have offered it you as an option. I did at one point think about having it done over here, but for me, the anonymity of the donor was really important.


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## fairytales87

I actually don't like how it works here much but I'm not brave enough to go abroad I don't think so will just need to accept what my options are.


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks girls :hugs: 

Yeah Caite, you need a thermal shift and at least 3 raised temperatures to confirm o. But mine took a dip yesterday :( I'm hoping it's what's called a 'fallback rise' which is when your temp dips straight after o but then rises again.

Aww Fairytales, I know what you mean. It's incredibly frustrating. My last cycle lasted 58 days and was anovulatory. I just feel like I'm wasting my donors time But I guess this is all a learning curve. 

Temp went back up today, so we shall see. I hope you are all alright. :kiss:

ps: Nice use of SI farytales tehehe


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## Rags

Hi Fairytales, I'm in Scotland too and although I started off with at home SI with an anonymous (unidentifiable) donor, I concieved at an nhs clinic with a traceable donor and in hindsight am very glad. Can I ask what it is that frustrates you about the way it works here? Am I right that none of the nhs clinics will offer ivf to single women?


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## fairytales87

Hello Rags

Yes to my knowledge it's only private clinics which will treat single women, the main issue for me is that they will only offer donor iui as a treatment option which I've only heard poor success rates of from all the people I know in rl whom have had treatment(not smbc)and I can just see all my funds being wasted on iui which won't work and me still being childless a few years later with no funds.

What options are you looking at?


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## Caite

Fairytales - I don't think I'm brave enough to do it over here and that's why I'm choosing to go abroad. Financially, I also think it is much cheaper abroad. Maybe the people you know, if not smbc, have had IUI because of conception difficulties and that's why they have had poor success rates?

Melody - I hope that the temp rise is good, then. And I think you've started a new trend with 'SI'!


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thanks Caite. Sadly it took a dip again today :cry: I'm trying not to stress about it but it looks like another anovulatory cycle. I've got my progesterone test tomorrow so fx for some answers... finally.


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## Child2Hold

Melody - :hugs:

Tick tock, tick tock. Donor asked today if I'm ready. Told him "Yes" and told myself "NO". :haha: :rofl:


----------



## Lovelymo79

Hi all!! Hope everyone is well. I know I haven't been on here in awhile. Things have been a little busy. I also switched over to team Clomid since I was only getting one mature follicle. I wanted more so I switched and added a low-dose injectable. 

I ended up responding REALLY well. I got FIVE mature follicles. Thought they would cancel my cycle but they didn't. 

So IUI was on mom's birthday, yesterday. Only 7 million this time. I just can't win! Lol! I was told that my lab uses a different counting chamber than the other banks, but really, should it be this different. I was told that my vial was sent with 28.8 million motile. So how did I end up with only 7. 

Oh well, I have 5 targets and I believe my timing is on point. I had been having pains on both sides before and after the IUI, probably bc of how big the follicles were. I feel nothing today. 

For this IUI, I had my best friend there to talk and listen to music with. She also prayed over my uterus. My theme song was Pharell's Happy! 

Let the 2ww begin!!


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## Caite

Good luck for the TWW, Mo. And that sounds more promising with all those follicles this time.

Melody - good luck for your progesterone test (though I guess you've had it now and are waiting on results?).

Child2Hold - yay, that's so exciting. Has your ticker suddenly changed? I'm sure the last time I looked at it it said more!

I might have to push TTC back a bit. We all had interview where we're training recently. They kind of led us to believe we were pretty much guaranteed a job. Most of us have been offered bank shifts - basically, when they're short staffed. So no guaranteed hours. It sucks. I have a mortgage to pay and can't just wait for them to phone me up and say can you work a shift this week. So I've been looking at other jobs, both outside of midwifery and within other Trusts. It's really silly - the Trust has paid for our training and for 18 months of salary for us, and now they might either lose us from midwifery altogether, or to another Trust. It's ridiculous. So, until I know where I will be working, I'm going to have to put my TTC plans on hold.


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## Child2Hold

Lovelymo - *Fingers crossed*:happydance:

Caite - I know, right?! I feel like I'll blink again and donor will be handing me cup. :haha: I hope your situation gets sorted and you don't have to push back your TTC.


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## Caite

Just looking at other jobs at the minute. But I can't even think of a TTC without having regular hours.

Mo - I heard Happy on the radio when I was driving home tonight (I'd not heard it before, and didn't know what it was til the radio man said), and once he'd said what it was, I thought of you!


----------



## Lovelymo79

It's an awesome song! Pharell performed it at the Oscars this year. I think it's once soundtrack to the animated file Frozen. Love it!

Caite, so sorry you have to postpone your TTC efforts. But I definitely understand why. Fx that you find what you want sooner than later.


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## fairytales87

Goodluck Mo 

Caite- I'm sorry you might need to push ttc plans 
back having had to make this choice recently too
I know I felt disappointed but hopefully you get a job soon and if your plans need to move it's not by too much :hugs:


----------



## Caite

Thank you.

Hopefully, I won't have to push my TTC plans back too far. So long as I stay on the Bank, I'll have been continuously employed by the NHS for (coming up to) 5 years - so definitely long enough to get the extra maternity pay! Someone I used to work with had been on the Bank as an HCA, in a different Trust whilst she did her nurse training, got pregnant shortly after starting her first nursing job and get maternity pay, so that is reassuring.


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## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Hello Rags
> 
> Yes to my knowledge it's only private clinics which will treat single women, the main issue for me is that they will only offer donor iui as a treatment option which I've only heard poor success rates of from all the people I know in rl whom have had treatment(not smbc)and I can just see all my funds being wasted on iui which won't work and me still being childless a few years later with no funds.
> 
> What options are you looking at?

I can understand that frustration. I don't know about ivf for singles at nhs clinics. I called Ninewells and asked them if they treated single women at all and was told yes and as it was iui I was looking for I didn't question further. At my age, at the time of conception 40, the chances of success were low, about 4 or 5 % but I was happy to take the chance. I chose to self fund as I'd been happy to try privately, but I could have applied for funding. As it was my unmedicated iui's were only £250 each, medicated ones were £350. Ninewells assisted conception unit is non profit making so I was only covering donor expenses and the nhs covered tests, staff etc. I am not from the Dundee area but they accept referals from any gp. I don't know how much self funding at other nhs clinics costs. It costs nothing to be referred and get on the waiting list though, maybe worth having as a back up plan?


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## fairytales87

Morning Girls

A small update from me, I have revaluated my options a little this morning and Im booked in with my local clinic to discuss my options and I have a few questions which Im hoping they can answer and I will go from there!! So whilst TTC might be a wee bit off its maybe not as far away as I thought:happydance: So Im not going to be TTC within the next month or two but Im closer to starting than I have ever been :cloud9:

How are you all doing anybosy else have any updates?


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies! Gosh it looks like I've missed a lot lol.

Mo - That's great news about your mature follicles! :happydance: It's so good that you're monitored every step of the way.I also inseminated on my mum's birthday. Let's hope it's a good omen for both of us. Great choice of song too. I've got my fingers crossed for you. Even with the slightly lower than you expected motile sperm, it sounds like you've got more of a chance this cycle than any other.

Caite - Yep I'm waiting for my results. I actually have a drs app scheduled for Friday (same day af is due :wacko:) I'm sorry to hear that your ttc plans might be pushed back. But i am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You will start at the perfect time for you. :hugs:

Fairytales - That's great news about your drs app. I know you was a bit disheartened about not being able to ttc as soon as you would hope but you are a step closer, a very important step too. I hope the doctors give you some answers. Don't let them fob you off!

afm: I finally got my crosshairs on Fertility Friend! They're dotted but that's good enough for me. So it looks like I ovulated the second day of my donation which makes me 11dpo today. I have been so depressed about the whole possible anovulatory cycle thing and just the whole process but this has given me a bit of hope again. The good thing is that I hadnt tried to test too early because I thought I was already out. I'm praying that the doctor 100% confirms o on Friday and hopefully gives me some explanations about my fertility. 

KN I hope you're doing well. Kelwin you too, you must be getting close to ttc ?

xox


----------



## Caite

Melody, perfect timing for insemination then. FX for you - hope AF stays away on Friday and you get a BFP.

Fairytales, I hope your appointment goes well. And hopefully TTC will be sooner than you thought!

I'm busy applying for other jobs at the moment. I've seen a few interesting ones. I don't have any experience in them, but I've got to start somewhere! Hopefully, I'll get one of them.


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## fairytales87

I sure hope you get something in midwifery caite 
I would love to convert to midwifery but we can't here in Scotland. 

My mum bought me a present today after me telling her my ttc plans lastnight.....A baby fund tiramundi pot:haha: Im going to save £2 coins in it,I'm so glad she was ok about it as I know I will need her support


----------



## fairytales87

Melody since today's now Friday I hope af stayed away and you have good news today.

Mo I just read back a page and noticed your now doing clomid fingers crossed it works and gives everything that little nudge in the right direction:hugs:

Happy friday everyone xx


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Well it's all gone tits up :wacko: lol

My doctor said my progesterone levels were low so I didn't o. We discussed the pcos thing again and she said that sometimes you can have it even without the blood tests confirming things. After running through a few checks it looks like I'm borderline pcos if there's even such a thing. I know I'm not oing, she knows I'm not oing but I still have to wait till around the year mark before anyone takes me seriously :cry:

She's scheduled me for 3 more day 21 tests and want me to go back to see her in a few months...

As if that wasn't aggravating enough ff has moved my o date! So _it_ still thinks I o'd but apparently it happened on cd31. 6 days after I inseminated! I literally have no idea what is going on with my body! If ff is right af should show in 4 days. :cry:

I'd probably be less stressed if I was bd'ing and had sperm on tap but we need to time things exactly and that's what stresses me out. That and not actually o'ing every month.

Sorry for the rant lol. 

xoxoxox


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## Child2Hold

Melody - I'm sorry. One of the reasons I stopped using FF was because it was always so off.


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## fairytales87

Oh no melody :hugs:

Is this your Gp you are talking about? I'm unsure of your story sorry
Are you using a private clinic or Ai?


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## melodyy_mtb

Child2hold - It's worrying to think that a system as advanced as ff could ever be wrong but it happens. Lol. 

Fairytale - It's just my GP. The good news is that it looks like she'll refer me to a fertility clinic in 2 months if my progesterone levels remain low. 

How are you all anyway? xx


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## fairytales87

I hope that the referral process is quick for you
and the clinic get you sorted, I went to my Gp once about my cycle issues it's was the most horrendous experience of my life truly awful so I will just deal with the clinic when I begin my treatment process no matter the extra costs!


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## melodyy_mtb

I must agree with you there. Doctors can be terrible when it comes to fertility or hormonal issues. The first time I saw them I burst into tears because she just didn't seem sympathetic to my issues. But if you persevere, go armed with questions and knowledge, and just stand your ground, hopefully you'll get a good result. This is the only way for me, I could never afford the clinical costs. 

If af shows in 4 days then it may be that I actually o'd this month so things arn't that bad. I'm staying positive. I'm even arranging a week off work so I can get multiple donations. 

Where are you at with the while process anyway? xxx


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## fairytales87

My Gp laughed at me completed mid cycle bloods told me I was imaging the problems and two hormones were high and she then ordered multiple cancer markers(I'm only aware that's what they are because I work in medicine) didn't even explain anything to me!! I then spent the next 2 months terrified and she refused to explain her reasons to me!! 

I made my decision at the point to sort it for myself and I'm booked in with my local private clinic to discuss my options and go from there


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## melodyy_mtb

That's dreadful! She should be reported. But I know how emotionally exhausting it can be going to the doctors again and again. 

I hope everything goes well with your appointment hun. xox


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## Caite

Fairytales - I too hope that I find something in midwifery. I got my 40th delivery this week and it was such a nice delivery. I've just got to get a few more women in different areas (a couple of antenatal women and some postnatal). And them I'm done. Can't you come south of the border to do a conversion? Or are you quite a long way from England? 

Melody - I'm sorry your cycles are still playing you up. Have you looked at clinics? The one that Rags mentioned a page or so back (Ninewells) was really quite cheap. Why don't you look in to something like that? She said it only cost a few hundred quid, even with medication. And some of the ones abroad are fairly cheap, too (but then there's travel costs etc on top).


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thanks :) I haven't actually looked into clinics. I spent years just researching known sperm donors! Ninewells is definitely affordable. Although I think you have to be referred to a fertility specialist and then be on clomid for for about 6 months before they consider iui on the nhs, but I'm not 100% sure. Rags would be the best person to confirm that.

How are you doing anyway? :) x


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## Rags

melodyy_mtb said:


> Aww thanks :) I haven't actually looked into clinics. I spent years just researching known sperm donors! Ninewells is definitely affordable. Although I think you have to be referred to a fertility specialist and then be on clomid for for about 6 months before they consider iui on the nhs, but I'm not 100% sure. Rags would be the best person to confirm that.
> 
> How are you doing anyway? :) x

Hi, I didn't use clomd or a fertilty specialist. I went to my gp and told him that I wanted a child but was single and needed to use a sperm donor. I explained that I had spoken to a sister at Ninewells acu and that all they needed was a referal from him. This took about 2 minutes, he said ok he'd send a referal. This was on the easter Monday (April). I had my first appointment with a Dr at Ninewells at the start of August, a hpg test at the start of September (because I explained that I'd tried unsuccessfully with fresh sperm a few times so they wanted to check my tubes were clear). Because I was using a donor I had to meet with their councillor, a requirement at all uk clinics for anyone useing sperm or egg donors, this happened in the November and then I was officially put on thw waiting list. I was told it would be approximately a year. I had my first iui 1 year and 2 months later, it would have been the year later but it clashed with the christmas break. 3 unmedicated iuis later I got my bfp at a total cost of £750.00 at that clinic. I had previously paid a sperm introductio service £3500.00 for a very stressfull and unsuccessful serious of tries.


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks for that Rags. I didn't have a proper idea of the nhs process but it seems pretty straight forward. I cant believe how much you spent with that introduction agency, and all that stress :( But it all worked out in the end and you have your beautiful little boy to show for it.

I was speaking to my mum today and we both touched on the same idea. I've been thinking recently about finding a second donor. My cycles are so messed up it's making it extremely hard to time things. My current donor tries his best to accommodate me but he has a child of his own and finds it hard to donate on weekends or for more than a couple of times in a month. With a second donor I'd be able to inseminate more times throughout a cycle.

What do you ladies think? I know it isn't usual practice but what is with this whole process lol. The only thing i worry about is not knowing which donor helped me conceive.

x


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## K.N

Hi everybody :)
I'm back now! Glad to be back home and in my own space again! Have just been catching up on all your "Adventures" in the ttc area - sounds like you've all been busy and had lots going on! Would have replied whilst overseas, but our hotel internet didn't work - so I couldn't get online :(

Melody: Sorry to hear about you low projesterone levels :( That's annoying hearing that your DR said it was a year away until you would get taken seriously! IF you get a referal to fertility clinic - will you be eligible for any funding that you know of? Since it'll be a dr referral? There are so many options for fertility over your ways - it's all confusing to me hahaa! We just have fertility associates, and that's it. Any signs of AF? In terms of a second donor, I don't feel there is any usual practice with us single ladies ttc - we gotta do what we gotta do, every cycle and situation is different - and there is no other half to help us out - I think it could definitely be something for you to look into - it would be hard not knowing what donor was succcessful - are you planning on maintaining contact with the donor? Sometimes an anon works fine - and it would be a similar thing with having two and not knowing who it was :)

Caite: Sorry to also hear about your ttc possibly being delayed :( You've been so excited counting down! But i hear what you say about not wanting to start until you have job stability. Doesn't make it any easier :( Really hoping you find something soon, and you don't need to postpone ttc too long!!

Fairytales - That's cute how your mum bought you the little savings jar. Glad that she was fine with your decision, and that you can have her support :) 

I've been really thinking about talking to my mum, Just because right now - I feel so alone. It's just my donor, this forum and me right now - I've told a few people about it, and they're there when I need them - but they have their own lives too - so I don't like to pester them - Especially coz it's the same story every month. Whereas I think if I told my mum - we could talk and stuff, coz she's had kids etc - and knows people who've gone through fertility clinics etc. I'm not sure, I'll see what my GP says first :). HOPING they don't react quite the same as your guys did! Cross fingers!! If they do - I'll just keep changing dr, till I find one who listens :)
The good news is - I ovulated perfectly whilst over seas, on the exact date my predictor told me - well the day before. But close enough. BUT the bad news is, I was away so couldn't use my perfect ovulation! Just waiting for AF to confirm the length of the cycle - 6 days to go. THEN will make an appt for my GP :)


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## Caite

Hi.

Melody, I think it is something you need to think about. How important to you is knowing who the biological father of the baby is? And will using different men affect the sperm's ability to fertilise the egg? Or would you be using them quite separately from one another? Or might you be using them around the same time? Anyway, I'm good thanks. I got my 40th (and final as a student) delivery - I can't remember if I told you all that - and am just trying to finish up in other areas, and then I'm done! Yay! I'm desperately menu planning for Mother's Day. I'm cooking a huge family dinner for all the extended family on Sunday, so it's going to be busy but fun. I'm really looking forward to it.

Rags, I can't believe they charged you £3500! That is so expensive, especially when treatment cost less than 1/10 of that.

KN - I'm sorry you didn't get to use the egg this month. But hopefully it means your cycles are going to behave and that'll mean getting pregnant will be so much easier. I've really nearly told my mum a few times, too, as no-one expect people on here know that I hope to be TTC soon.


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## melodyy_mtb

WB KN! :hugs: <3 :hugs: 
Yeah it's been a stressful journey so far but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Usually you have to be trying for a year before your Doctor refers you. I have only really tried 3 times but just over a long period due to my irregular cycles. Luckily my Doctor thinks it has been 7 months :thumbup: and agreed to refer me after two more cycles trying (and two more progesterone tests). So it really isnt that long I guess. 

No sign of AF yet though, ff thinks im 16dpo which is weird but im definitively not pregnant. I took two tests which were both bfns. I'm not getting sucked into thinking i am again like last time lol. I just hope she comes soon. The whole fertility clinic process confuses me too lol. I think once i get my referral, ill be seen, then maybe more tests, but I definitely know they'll be able to prescribe me clomid or femara and maybe progesterone shots, my pro levels were 1.2! They're supposed to be 5-10.

That's great news that you o'd perfectly this month! Even if you didnt get to try at least you know you're o'ing and your cycles are hopefully settling down. Good luck with your Dr. What's the whole fertility process like over there? Aww and I know what you mean about feeling alone. I didnt plan to tell my mum but im so glad i did. Parents can surprise us :hugs:

Caite - Congrats on your last delivery as a student! :happydance: I hope you get a job quickly! What will/did you cook for mothers day

Ladies about the second donor, I used to think I wanted a completely anonymous one but after researching things for so many years, speaking to a lot of potential guys and finally finding my current one, im actually happy that im using a known donor. Obviously using two is going to make it difficult to know who got me pregnant lol. I'd be perfectly happy with either. The second one im thinking of using is actually a donor i've been in contact with since last year. He's just as amazing as my current one.

I dont want to stop using my current donor but he has a child and finds it difficult to visit me more than twice in a month. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking the second guy to donate loads throughout one cycle either. Seeing as my cycles are completely insane, it would be so much easier to use donor no1 around the time i think im o'ing and then the second a week later for good measure :haha: I wonder, would a week apart be enough time to tell who it was? Caite I've not thought about the sperms ability to fertilise the egg. I better look that up! :o

Sorry for the long post lol :blush:


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## Caite

Melody - I hope you either get a BFP (preferably) or your AF soon. I made soup, lasagne and chocolate cake for Mother's Day. It was really nice. There were loads of people there, and yet I still managed to cook far too much! At least they can't say they weren't well-fed. It was a lovely day, really nice being able to spend it with all my family. And next year, there will be even more people there, with my both cousins having babies and, if I'm lucky, I might have one/be about to have one, too! And you never know, my sister now has a fairly serious boyfriend.

Just think, this might have been our last Mother's Day as non-mums! How exciting is that!


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## fairytales87

Melody - I hope you get a bfp 

I hope everyone is well :winkwink:

I'm still reading when there's updates but Im not posting much as I'm not sure where I'm standing with getting started now I had to cancel my appointment and since then had to use the funds I have saved so far for something else which has cropped up & to top it all my family has just had 2 new babies and there's 1 due next month and my best friend announced at the weekend she's expecting, I feel terrible as I should be excited along with everyone but I just feel so jealous of them :nope:


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## Caite

Fairytales :hugs: It sucks when everyone around you is pregnant/having babies, doesn't it? And I'm sorry you've had to cancel your appointment.


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## K.N

Aw fairytails :( So sorry to hear that you've had to cancel your appointment :( That's the last thing you want! Also hearing others are pregnant or having babies, when all you so desperately want one yourself - is one of the hardest things ever :(

Caite: It's so weird that it's mothers day around the world! Mothers day isn't in NZ until May! So it's a couple months away for us yet! But yum, Lasange is my favourite hahaa. Exciting - the potentially next mothers day, we may be mothers - or may be expectant! 

Melody: Oh good luck with you Dr's referal then. It would be wonderful if you get pregnant before a referal is needed, but it's good to know if need be you can get the assistance; and the help to help you conceive. The fertility process over here - is LONG for single woman. Not too bad for couples though. I haven't reaaally looked into it - is just the basics that i can find out, of course every situation is different. Standardly, You start out by in home insemination, and if that is unsuccessful after 12 months - You can see a GP and get a government funded referal to the clinics - But you have to pay for up to 12 privately funded IUI cycles - $2500 each with self selected donor sperm - otherwise you pay an additional $700ish per month for the sperm too. Then if none of those are successful you can be "considered" for two government funded rounds of IVF. But I say considered because there are many other factors they take into consideration too, and so even if you aren't successful at your 12 IUI rounds, you may not be eligible for IVF. It's a lot more complicated than over there :( To get any clomid or puregon, or anything like that over here you NEED to be registered with the clinic and going through IVF or IUI to get it included in costs. Otherwise, if you get it prescribed through a standard GP service our healthcare system charges you the base fee's of about $300 per month :( So it can turn, very expensive - very fast. :(. If I had a spare $12,000 - I would just skip IUI, and home insemination and go through IVF and pray for a success :( 

Hope that all made sense hahahahaha


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks Caite :) It's just a waiting game now :coffee: lol. Aww that sounds like a lovely mother's day. I second KN, lasagne is yummy, and mmm chocolate cake! I spent Mother's day at my mum's house. We just ate food and watched tv lol. I never even thought about Mother's day next year. To think we could be mummys/expecting ourselves, makes me well up lol.

fairytales hun sound like you're going through a difficult time right now :( I hope things ease up for you :hugs: At least you had the funds to be able to sort out the thing that cropped up. Try to think of it like that. I know how disappointing it cna be when your ttc plans get pushed back, but I'll be thinking of you. I hope you can start your journey soon. 

KN that's what I'm hoping too. I'm going to try my hardest not to stress out for the next few months. I really believe stress is at the root of some of my fertility issues. That certainly does sound expensive! :O I agree thoug,h if i had the money id have skipped straight to iui/ivf. I'm excited for this cycle. It sounds like everything has settled down for you!

Afm: I'm cd50 today! :wacko: No sign of af, ff took my crosshairs away, and I've confirmed im not pregnant with two bfns :cry: Needless to say im feeling a little low. But im trying to keep smiling. Im easily stressed lol. I'm going to buy some lovely bath salts and stuff and spends the weekend pampering myself. Then when af shows its all systems go!


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## K.N

Aw Melody - Bath salts and pampering sounds so lovely! I hope AF comes soon so you can move on; Not that I WANT you to be getting a period, I'd love a BFP for you! But I at least hope that soon you can move onto your next cycle!

Hoping things are settled, my perfect ovulation also meant for me that AF came on time for once, not early, not late - the exact day of. So it's good to know my body is capable of producing good eggs when it's supposed too. We'll see if next month is as good. Crossing finger!
I also made the decision to tell my mum a bit about my journey. I didn't tell her I've been TTC for the past 12 months, but just that I worry about my fertility and the costs - and that the one thing I want most in the morning; is to be a mother. And she was like oh ok sort of - then I explained but without having another half it's going to be such a struggle to get any help if I do have funny cycles; and said that I was sick of waiting for the right guy - and that I made the decision that if in 10 years the right guy comes along, he will take me on - child or no child. She was really supportive actually. I knew she would support the choice, but I just didn't want the millions of questions I thought she would have. But she didn't - she just listened. So it was good! Apparently my Aunty, her half sister went through the same thing and had a good friend be her partner so she could go through IVF as a single mother. And she said she also knows a couple of people who have gone through AI both successfully and unsuccessfully. So I guess that she knows a couple of people who have already been through it - made it easier for her to understand.

Last night I packed up a few baby girl outfits and bodysuits I bought for my friend, She lives 6 hours away - So I'll be posting them. She's getting ready for her girls arrival :( And while I'm so happy, I can't help but be sad and a tad jealous too.
But we'll get our turn soon ladies! I know we'll all make good moms! EVEN if we are by single. Hopefully all these obstacles, and struggles we've all faced start disappearing and we can either conceive soon - or start trying to conceive!!


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## fairytales87

I'm totally suffering from baby/pregnancy envy it's awful consuming my thoughts 24/7 not been this bad before and yet I can't even sort it :cry:such a moany post sorry!!

KN- glad you managed to speak to your mum and she was ok with your choice I know I felt a huge relief once I spoke to mine.


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## K.N

aw fairytails :( I really feel for you! Don't feel bad about it - they're perfectly normal thoughts, and your more than welcome to share those thoughts here! :hugs: :hugs: We all go through those emotions at some point, and they will come right - Hopefully when you are able to start ttc they die down a bit for you. Though even trying to conceive - they're still there; I guess they don't ever really go away until we do have our own lo's :( But hang in there, I'm really hopeful that when you start ttc, you don't have a big wait :( Waiting to start ttc is hard enough - so hopefully you can have a little one growing in your belly soon <3 <3.


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## VillageVoice

Hey ladies can I join? I'm also going at this alone. Ingot pregnant my first cycle trying in January/February but unfortunately had a missed miscarriage and had to have surgery to remove the pregnancy. It's really hard going through all of this alone. A partner would really help here. But next month I am trying again and praying it happens just as fast as it did last time. But with a better result.


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## K.N

VillageVoice said:


> Hey ladies can I join? I'm also going at this alone. Ingot pregnant my first cycle trying in January/February but unfortunately had a missed miscarriage and had to have surgery to remove the pregnancy. It's really hard going through all of this alone. A partner would really help here. But next month I am trying again and praying it happens just as fast as it did last time. But with a better result.

Hi! Of course you can join hun! Sorry to hear about your mmc :( Can't imagine how that was for you :( Was your first cycle of trying solo as well? Well there is plenty of support here for you anyway - Glad you found us all :). Wishing you luck and a speedy conception <3.


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## VillageVoice

K.N said:


> VillageVoice said:
> 
> 
> Hey ladies can I join? I'm also going at this alone. Ingot pregnant my first cycle trying in January/February but unfortunately had a missed miscarriage and had to have surgery to remove the pregnancy. It's really hard going through all of this alone. A partner would really help here. But next month I am trying again and praying it happens just as fast as it did last time. But with a better result.
> 
> Hi! Of course you can join hun! Sorry to hear about your mmc :( Can't imagine how that was for you :( Was your first cycle of trying solo as well? Well there is plenty of support here for you anyway - Glad you found us all :). Wishing you luck and a speedy conception <3.Click to expand...

Thank you. It was my first cycle trying ever. I'm glad I found some support too. I haven't told many people in my private life I'm TTC. Most would think its crazy as I'm only 24 (25 in 10 days!). Well the people I've told think its crazy too, but are more or less supportive. But I can't explain the nitty gritty to them - the temping and OPKs and supplements, etc.


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## Lovelymo79

Hi all!

I know it's been awhile since I posted. I'm doing ok. 5th IUI didn't work. I'm on vacation now with my family and on birth control pills to delay ovulation until I get back home. I'm considering moving on to IVF. I will do at least one more IUI, though. 

Hope all is well!


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## Rags

Lovelymo, sorry to hear that this wasn't your cycle, fingers crossed that number 6 is the one for you. It sounds really positive that you have a plan beyond that though, I think that it's a good way of stopping stress levels building up which makes everything more likely to happen sooner.

VillageVoice, these are a lovely bunch of women to support you through this. I'm sorry about your mmc in January, it must have been very hard to go through especially when people aren't aware that you were trying. You seem to be staying positive which is wonderful, I look forward to following your progress and congratulating you when the time comes.


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## VillageVoice

Rags said:


> Lovelymo, sorry to hear that this wasn't your cycle, fingers crossed that number 6 is the one for you. It sounds really positive that you have a plan beyond that though, I think that it's a good way of stopping stress levels building up which makes everything more likely to happen sooner.
> 
> VillageVoice, these are a lovely bunch of women to support you through this. I'm sorry about your mmc in January, it must have been very hard to go through especially when people aren't aware that you were trying. You seem to be staying positive which is wonderful, I look forward to following your progress and congratulating you when the time comes.

Thank you so much! It's been very hard but I'm hopeful (or maybe naive) that it will happen again!


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## Caite

KN - yeah, it is funny how Mother's Day is different times of the year around the world. I kind of assumed it was like other celebrations and happened the same time everywhere. The lasagne was good, bought a new dish for it (absolutely huge) and then panicked as I suddenly realised as I was about to put it in the oven that it might not fit. Thankfully, it did - just! I'm glad you were able to tell your mum - I still so desperately want to but haven't - and that she understood what you were going through. I can't remember - is she the first person who knows? And I get what you mean about being jealous. I get that too.

Melody - it was lovely. And the chocolate cake was gorgeous. I made two - I think I should have made three! I spent all Christmas, too, thinking this time next year... Sorry that your cycles are playing you up again. But a weekend of bath salts and pampering sounds like heaven.

Fairytales - :hugs: I get how you're feeling with pregnancy/baby envy. It seems that everyone I know is pregnant and it is difficult. 

VillageVoice - hi. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I hope you get a BFP just as quickly again and that you have a lovely, healthy pregnancy.

Mo - sorry you didn't get your BFP. Hopefully this next go will be successful. Have you thought about the music you're going to play this time?

No real updates from me. I'm still job hunting and applying for anything which sounds interesting. I really don't want to apply for a Staff Nurse job (that was what I was before I went to uni) - it kind of seems a waste these last 18 months if I do - but I have applied for a number of other non-ward based/non-clinical nursing jobs, in addition to a few midwifery jobs. Just waiting to hear back from them now. Once I know about the job situation, I can then think about setting a date for TTC again.


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## K.N

Mo: I'm really really sorry that this cycle was another no go for you :( I can't imagine how draining it must be, going through it every month through a clinic & taking clomid etc to try and get pregnant :( Really hoping that your next cycle is the one - and that there's no need for IVF :( I agree with Caite - What song do you think you'll play? My two favourites for ttc at the moment are ellie goulding - "how long will i love you", and bryan adams "when you love someone" - They're both about partners - but i like to think its the same situation and often play them thinking about my "baby to be". hope you enjoy your vacation :)

Villagevoice: I don't think its naivety thinking it will happen again - I prefer to call it optimism, positive thinking - because it WILL happen somehow or rather -and I really hope that its not a long journey for you :) I get that you havent told many people in your personal life - I'm only 21, so I haven't told many people either. A lot of my friends and family will throw the, "your only young" and I'm sooooo sick of it hahaa! 

Caite: My mum always benefits from mothers day where it is in nz - coz its always no longer than a week from her birthday. Same with my dad and fathers day - they're only ever days apart too in september. So it's like double whammy for them. To answer your question about my mum knowing - she's not the only person who knows no :). I've got 2 friends who know up to date whats happening, one who lives 7 hours away - and one who lives pretty close. But another friend who knows, but not fully if that makes sense. I probably wouldn't have told my mum - but we'd had an argument the day before about my graduation - and so we had a big heart to heart and in my sadness "needing my mum" moment - it kind of just came out lol! She doesnt know i have been trying, just that i will be trying. Then we both ignored it for a day or two, and then we just got talking about medications like clomid etc - and researching natural supplements etc; and she has been really supportive actually. We managed to find out that there is ways to get prescribed clomid without needing a gynecologist - so thats my next port of call next week. Asking and talking to my GP and if they don't help, i will be asking for a referral to either a free gynecologist OR I'll be changing my dr - many people have recommended a specific drs nearby, and apparently she is incredibly understanding - so if my gp judges, doesnt listen etc - ill be changing :)

Hopefully I've covered everything! No real updates here, just waiting for next week really - GP appointment and then "ovulation" :) [provided if i do ovulate, and when hahaha]


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## VillageVoice

KN - no I haven't told many people. A couple friends but that's it. I'm turning 25 Saturday and I know my family would judge me hard. It's going to be hard to explain having a second pregnancy. The first one I could play off as an accident, but with a second I'll have to fess up haha. Luckily only my mother, father and brother know for family about my loss so that'll be easier.


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## Rags

HI Guys, to all of you who are still young, good for you for starting now. It is wonderful to know your own mind and to apreciate that being a parent is that improtant for you. Of course you could wait for another 10 years thinking you might meet the right guy - and I hope you do if that too is important to you - but if you don't then suddenly you have 10 years less fertility ahead of you and that's if you don't then find out that everything isn't working right and your to late to sort it. When I was 16 I told some friends that if I'd not met the right person by the time I was 30 I'd have my family by myself. I got to 30 and had not long started a new career and was having a whale of a time. The next 6 years flew by and suddenly I was 36, single and without my much hoped for child. I tried dating but was very concious of the fact that I didn't want to just settle for a guy in order to start a family, it wouldn't be fare on him, me or our child. This is when I went down the solo parenting route. I am so aware of how lucky I was at 40 to concieve at all let alone using IUI. I would have loved a second child but was unable to concieve again at 43, had I started sooner I may well have a brood. 

In life you will always come across people who judge you, positivley and negativley, who cares. This is your life and your family. You do not need to justify yourselves to anyone. I have had the best support from all of my family and friends who know and i wish you all the same.


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## K.N

Aw rags - Thanks :) Means a lot - I had never really set an age for meeting the right someone; but just always wanted to be a mom; as long as I can remember. I have wanted to study, wanted a job, wanted various other things - but the number 1 think - I've ever wanted this much is to be a mom - so heres hoping not too much longer :)

Today - I officially had my first fertility related needle. Saw my gp this morning - She was really really understanding - told her it's beena year and still no BFP. Told her about the troubles with my ovulation and cycle lengths as well - and she wrote it all down. Then I had to have some blood tests to see if they can pick anything up. Tested for 14 different things in my blood - it's amazing what they can find out with a few vials of blood!! Results will take up to 2 weeks - so I begin a 2ww again! Just a different one! 

Hope your all going well ladies x


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## melodyy_mtb

Ladies! Hope you're all well :hugs:

Big welcome to you VillageVoice! :hi: Hope you enjoy your time here. Everyone is so lovely. Sorry to hear about your mmc hun and that you had to have a d&c :( but I wish you all the luck in the world for your next try. I see you have PCOS. I'm borderline pcos so it would be interesting to hear about your experiences so far. 

Mo - I'm so sorry to hear your 5th iui didnt work, but at least you have a plan for the future. Hope you're enjoying/enjoyed your vacation <3

Caite - Thanks hun :hugs: Good luck with your job hunt! I have my fx for you. xx

Rags - That was such a beautiful message, thanks. Your story really gives me hope that being a smbc is doable and as rewarding as I thought it would be <3 

KN - I hope your tests come back as quickly as possible! I know how it feels having thatfirst app. I hope it all goes well and that you conceive before you even get to the fertility specialist :kiss:

Afm: I've been really down lately so haven't been around much. I'm cd57, no af, no bfp, and confirmed that this cycle was yet another anovulatory one. I've just felt really hopeless. But today i woke up feeling a little brighter. I've realised that charting really stresses me out and it may be having a negative effect on my body/fertility. But sadly as I SI i cant just bd every other day so for now I depend on it. I'm going to try to think of fun ways to make charting more stress free lol, and or only chart when I absolutely have to. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

One thing that is kind of worrying me is that I have been spotting for the past week! No pain or af, just spotting :wacko: I dont know what that means.... but I dont want to go back to the doctor again :cry: or should I? lol


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## K.N

Aw Melody - That sucks! Another crazy long cycle with no bfp or period :( How long do your Dr's suggest you leave it before you need to see them regarding the length of a cycle? 
Charting can be really hard on the system, It could be worth toning it down a bit and seeing if the stress calms down your hormones, and makes your cycles a bit more normal? I tend to chart so i know where im at on my phone, but i only go by cervical fluid and dates - so when i get my period, i put it in - how long it lasts for. Then i just do little ticks when i get ewcm. I used to do full chart - but like you it just took it all out of me. 
I also find blogging helps me cope - I know i have people to talk too, and you guys all on here, but could be something worth looking at too? I use it as a place to store photos of my babybuys, thoughts, inspiration - anything really. But it definitely helps me cope with the situations :) https://lotsofloveandbabydreams.wordpress.com That's the link for my blog - if you're interested in looking hahaa. Finally my last coping mechanism, as weird as it sounds - is buying things for the baby to be, looking through ideas online etc - telling myself constantly "i will be a mom" - even if I have to adopt, so it sort of makes me feel as though i have control. Obviously what works for me may not work for you - but I thought I'd share anyway; juuust in case :)

I hope it works out soon for you :( :hugs::hugs:


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## melodyy_mtb

I just read through your whole blog on my lunch break! :haha: What a wonderful writer you are and all those pictures aww, so cute. I envy your knowledge of natural toys and other products. I have a list of websites and stuff that I like but I've never thought of keeping a blog. I don't think im that artistic :blush: Buying stuff definitely makes it more real, gives you something to visualise. I've always felt silly for wanting to buy stuff for the baby but it makes sense, especially how expensive things are these days, to pick the odd thing up now and again. I'm going to buy some cloth nappies first :D

I'm definitely going to ease up on the charting. I need the opks so my donor knows when to visit but I might give up temping, cervix and cm checking for a month, see how I feel. Last cycle I saw the doctor on cd58 and was told it wasnt long enough so I guess if i pass 70 days then I'll go back. Although I hope the spotting is just af slowly coming. 

<3


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## VillageVoice

Melody - I only tried once and got pregnant the first cycle. However, because I've had PCOS since I was diagnosed at 12/13 and as I'm gay and can't BD every other day and get pregnant, my dr put me on femara. With only two inseminations that cycle it thankfully worked. Hopefully it works again this cycle. I'm also on a bunch of supplements I'd be happy to discuss :)


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## K.N

Aw thanks Melody :). I'm going to try favour wooden things and natural things over plastic - but I'm not planning on being an exclusive natural parent. I'm not planning on exclusively breastfeeding, I will use dummies (i travel too much not too!) and I'm not such a fan of co-sleeping. But I definitely want to be as natural as possible. It's weird to talk about that kind of thing - still in the ttc stages. But I guess one day, I'll be glad to have researched my options and have my own ideas already :) - If they change when I GET pregnant, then so be it hahaa. I don't think anyone needs to be artistic to blog, or even a good writer - I first started out, I just used to post pictures and write little things - then it just developed. I find it the easiest way to get my feelings out. Figure one day, when I have kids - It'll give me a journey to look back on. And now it's just turned into something bigger and I love blogging. Could be something to look at starting, even if it is just photos and little written snippets of your ttc journey? Somewhat like a ttc journal :) 

People who don't know I'm ttc think it's weird that I buy stuff - but those who do think it's a good idea, That way when i am pregnant - I can put my money into the big things such as pram/carseat/cot etc - and throwing a baby shower and that sort of thing - and will already have the basics. Especially given how expensive baby stuff can get. I just store everything in plastic clip it containers so no moisture or dust gets in. But I have toys, bottles, clothes - all sorts of bits and bobs. I just keep it sealed so that it lasts however long it will need to last for :).

Regarding AF - I hope it comes soon, not that AF is what we like to hear - but that way you can go onto your next cycle. I don't know too much about PCOS - but is long cycles a norm for that? Or is it something different?? 

Villagevoice: At least you know you're fertile with having a first pregnancy, still couldn't imagine how tough it would have been for you though :(. Hopefully (crossing all my fingers and toes) you conceive just as fast & get your precious little rainbow baby soon :).


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## fairytales87

KN- Glad your doctor was so understanding hopefully your bloods don't show anything major but you get some answers from them :hugs:

Melody :hugs: I'm so with you on the feeling rubbish!! I haven't charted in a while as I just got stressed when it was going.like I wanted it to but I agree it's stressful and I hope this wee change makes a difference for you,I would definitely go to the docs if the spotting between af continues just to make sure all is ok.

Village voice- welcome to the thread everyone's lovely here and so supportive, I'm sorry to hear about your mmc I hope you don't have long.to wait before your bfp 

Caite- I haven't noticed you about much I hope your doing alright 

I will post an update about me when I can think straight on how to write it sensibly and not just a big jumble of rubbish


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## KelWin

first off i apologise for any and all typos in her cos im currently high on pain meds which is the mian point of ths post. I was supposed to be ttc this sept but due to a genetc condition flaring up in the worst possible awy, i cant even walk at the moment, so theres no way i could be lugging around a baby on my womb. ive had my implant taken out and am ezpectng AF any day now na di'm getting o nprenatals anyway, but from now on my post probaly wont be verry long cos its realy kinda hard to type when everything is wonky an dfuzzy. I wish you all the best and i hope to be of these ehavy duty drugs soon, although ziping around in a whelchair is fun when youre high :D


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## K.N

Aw kelwin that's annoying :( no need to apologise. Is it going to be a long term flare up do you think? Or will you be able to get back to ttc, just a little delayed? Thanks for letting us all know how your going!! I hope you get better soon!!! :).


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## KelWin

It's looking like I'll be out of commission for at least 2 months, so maybe I'll be able to start ttc when i originally wanted to, but I'll also need to be put on baby-safe pain-killers, and my other meds need to be changed to baby-safe as well. Apart from that, it's kind of a life-long thing that can and will flare up whenever it wants :( Also, it's why I'm going to sway for a boy, anyway I can, because as much as I want a child, I don't want to burden them with my condition, and it's far more likely to develop in females.

(Also, current HD painkillers haven't kicked in just yet, that's why good spelling, lol)


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone :hugs:

I was too worried about the spotting to wait for an app with my dr so I went into a local walk in center. Had to wait 2 hours but it was worth it. The on call dr was so lovely! I dont usually like male doctors but this one was great. So sympathetic and sweet. Apparently its nothing to worry about. Just 'one of those things'. He called it break through bleeding. My body is just desperately trying to start af. He just said to try to relax and wait. Yeah im on cd60 and its really annoying, but things could be much worse i guess. I'm not in pain, tested negative for all infections, so now I just wait... :coffee: Wanted to thank you all for your support. I'll definitely let you know when af chooses to show herself.

VV - That's really inspiring to know that you have pcos and got pregnant on your first try with the meds. Hopefully it will happen as quick this time round. xx

KN - I've totally fav'd your blog and just signed up for my own! So once i actually put something down, i'll let you know. Thanks for the advice. Its helping to calm things down for me. I'm going to look round the baby shops next week and might even buy something :haha: You've definitely got the right idea, doing all your research and buying things before hand. The cost would only pile up otherwise. I hope to be as natural a mama as I can be too. Oh and long/irregular cycles are one of the key symptoms of pcos. The wait is agonising. 

Fairytales - Thanks hun :hugs: I totally agree with you. I'm going to try doing as little charting as possible from now. x

Kelwin - Omg that sounds terrible. You poor thing. You must be in so much pain. Well thanks for letting us know. I was worried (i'm a total worrier lol) that we hadn't heard from you in a while. I hope you recover quickly, and if you have to postpone ttc for a short while, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Just remember your baby needs a healthy, happy parent :hugs:


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## KelWin

Yeah, I'm definitely on my way to being happy, but this is just _another_ setback in the health department. I reckon I'll probably use the extra time to get a few extra things and help (when I can) build the crib and such. You're so wonderful to worry about me, I'm touched, but I just haven't really felt like coming on here. :hugs: But thanks for understanding. :dust: for you all!


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## K.N

Hope everyones going well this morning :) Well, it's not morning for you all - but it is for me :). 

Melody: Good on you for seeing a dr, even when you know they can't say much - sometimes it's good to hear reassurance that it's normal and there's nothing going wrong. What was that stuff you tried last 50day cycle? Would it be worth trying that? I'm glad you've found my advice good - I'm not always too good at "new advice" but if it's something I've tried and succeeded with - I'll always share! :) look forward to reading your blog :) - It'll just be something to occupy your mind without over doing it or stressing out. As for buying stuff - there is soo much unisex stuff around, and nearly everything will last. Good luck - Even if you don't buy stuff, it's fun to look and think "one day" - positive thinking is key!! :) :)

Kelwin: I agree with Melody :) Baby needs a healthy happy parent - and hopefully this flareup doesn't last long, and doesn't come back for awhile either!! That's interesting you say it's more common for a girl, strange how different things are more prominent in girls or boys. Do you guys have a genetic test available over there? Here in NZ we have a test that can be undertaken in a fertility clinic somewhat similar to IVF - where they extract the eggs; fertilise them - but before implanting them they go through a genetic test to pickup anything. My friend carries tubereschlerosis - a genetic condition with non cancerous tumour popping up. she's been told her eggs have a 50/50 chance of carrying it - so to get pregnant again, that's what she's got to go through. To make sure that the foetus won't have it. Building a crib sounds nice - Are you gunna build one from scratch? Or from the box? Cute - baby cribs are so cute! Keep up updated x


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## KelWin

Well me and the donor are probably going to try building one from scratch, since he's pretty good with his hands (get your mind out of the gutter, he's like a brother to me, lol) and I like the idea of a from scratch crib, but if that goes horribly, then we'll put one together from a box, lol. Eh, after the first 2 or 3 months, baby will be sleeping in my bed anyway. Either way, the kid will have handmade stuff since the godmother insists on sewing and knitting and crocheting heaps of stuff, lol. 
I don't know about any tests that can find it, since it normally takes a biopsy and it doesn't always show up, even with the severe symptoms. Not to mention There's no way I'll have the money for anything like IVF, even with the ridiculous waiting period, which would just make it even harder since I want to have my kid already so I can start my transition.


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## fairytales87

Melody- I'm so glad everything turned out alright when you saw the doctor I hope af hurries up so you can get on with your ttc 

KN- I admire you for making the decision to solo ttc and all your pre baby planning and organisation 

Kelwin- I hope this flareup doesn't last long and your back to ttc soon 

Update on me: I currently feel my mama clock is ticking louder than ever and that time isn't on my side,I just want to start at least the early test as I'm terrified something is wrong and I won't be able to do treatment:wacko:


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## SteelMagnolia

Going back to catch up on all the posts, but I just want to say hello! I'm so grateful to have found a place for us going it alone. 

I'm 34, will be 35 in June. This is my first time ever trying for a baby, and I'm going with donor sperm. I just got my second negative blood test after IUI #2. First go around, I had a polyp that had to be removed. This time I'm worrying I wasn't healed after said polyp removal, which was a week before the IUI.


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## K.N

Any AF yet Melody?? I'm glad you saw a dr :) Even if they can't fix the problem sometimes it's good to have that reassurance that nothing out of the ordinary is going wrong. 

kelwin - that sounds lovely about a handmade cot, and having home made booties and that sort of stuff - home made stuff is the best - I can sew, but hammer+nails and my hands, dont mix too well haha!

Fairytails - Aw hugs :hugs::hugs: - Positive thinking :) I'm realy hopeful that your tests will be fine and you'll be able to get started - I bet this wait has been such a long one for you :( People say that the 9 month wait is the hardest, those people obviously haven't had troubles ttc - I'd be stoked if i got told i had a baby in me for 9 months - but the 2week waits, the dr result waits, the wait for another cycle to begin. It's all so much waiting :( 

Steelmagnolia - Welcome! It's so good having all you ladies joining this forum, really is turning into a big community now!! I just had to google what a polyp was - second time ive heard it mentioned today. A shame you've had two negatives so far :( Especially going to iui way - hopefully come next cycle/ovulation you're all healed up and your body is ready for a baby to begin growth <3

Hoping everyone else is going well in the vacations, job hunting, ttcing etc etc - Hoping everything is going good :D

Update on me: officially in the tww. As of yesterday. I was worried it was going to be another annovulatory cycle as my ovulation tests were negative and also ewcm was nowhere to be found, but last night ewcm kicked in - so hopefully it's good :) Will be SI'ing tomorrow morning as well - then that's it for this cycle :) Tomorrow is O day (well, meant to be) so x fingers.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone :wave: Welcome Steel Magnolia. So glad you're here. It's lovely seeing how many of us there are. x

I'm not sure if I've got news or not hahaha :wacko: I started bleeding heavier on Saturday. Enough to have to change pads etc but not as heavy as my usual af. Still very light. It was the same for yesterday, and so far today is lighter still. So I'm not sure. Maybe this is now af but just a very light flow. If that's the case, everything should stop tomorrow/Wednesday. Ah we shall see... I've accepted that I wont be trying this month, so I'm not feeling stressed about it. 

Kelwin - Aww that's ok. Like I said, I'm a worrier lol. But we're like a lil family here and when you're in pain, emotional or physical, the rest of us are sad. Anyway, I hope that you're on your way to recovery from this flair up. Such a beautiful idea to make a crib from scratch. Good luck :hugs:

KN - Lol you remembered! Yeah I was drinking parsley tea which was absolutely disgusting! But if things carry on like this, I might just go buy some more :/ I am loving this blog thing by the way. Thank you again! I spent the whole weekend messing around with it. Here's the link https://meandmycrazywomb.wordpress.com/ I haven't put much on there yet though. FX for you this cycle! :happydance: Aww I hope the tww goes quickly and doesn't drive you crazy. I pray there's a BFP at the end.

Fairytales - I hope you're ok hun :( Really feel it for you. I know what it's like to fear there's something wrong and get so stressed with doctors and delays with ttc. Try to stay strong and relax as much as you can. We all know how stress can effect our sensitive lil wombs lol. :hugs:


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## KelWin

K.N. Yes the handmade cot is what I'm really looking forward to, but the footsies and blankets and such are so cute, too. :D 

melodyy_mtb My back in slowly getting back (haha) to normal, but now my knee has decided to get in on the action :( but in other news, got my new ride today. Snazzy silver and black chair with awesome paint job


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## fairytales87

Hi Girls

Hope yous are all enjoying the holiday weekend so far!!

Anybody got any updates?xx


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## K.N

Aw melody! I love your blog :). And you say you couldn't write well, it's a good read! I too bookmarked yours :). I'm glad af came, if it was af - as you can start your next cycle now, but I do wish it didn't come due to a bfp :(. Did it last as long as a normal period? 

Kelwin your snazzy new ride, sounds snazzy:p 

Fairytails no news for me yet - another week and 3 days till I'll have any news :( though, there are many funny things if this cycle is successful! The first being that there was an eclipse on my ovulation date - so I would have conceived on it! I'm not superstitious, but I did google and read that a lunar eclipse is meant to bring fertility. So cross fingers! Other thing too - if this month is successful - due date will be 5th January - the day before my birthday. So I was thinking, hopefully she/he will come a week early, but then that's New Years. So I was like maybe 2 weeks early! But that's christmas. So I went hmm. Early December then - but that's my donors birthday. So basically if this month is successful, there's a lot of occasions the baby may have to share it's birthday with!! Coz I certainly don't want to go overdue! I don't mind the kid sharing it's birthday - but I know it will suck when he/she is older and wants it's own birthday party! Was just a funny laugh, I only realised what the due date will be yesterday. 

Hope everyone else is going good! Well as good as can be given all the little obstacles that are around at the moment xx


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## K.N

Ps melody - I took your idea of adding the blog URL link to my signature hahaa ;).


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## fairytales87

Hey:wave:

KN-Everything crossed for you that you get good news in 3wks time and that it's not too long a wait for you :hugs:

I confided in somebody very close lastnight about my mama plan so officially 3 people know I now have all the support I need at the moment my mum my bff my cousin and of course you fab ladies here,I won't tell anyone else now however after speaking to my cousin I had a thought about changing my plans from completely clinic based to perhaps using a donor but this morning I realised how silly I was being!


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## Caite

Hi

It's been 2 whole weeks since I have been on here! I didn't realise that it was so long but I've just been so busy.

I'm doing my last couple of shifts as a student midwife, whilst still desperately hunting for a job. I've applied to other hospitals for midwife jobs but there are no interesting nursing jobs being advertised at present (at least not a couple of days ago). I did a couple of nursing shifts the last couple of weeks, too. They were the first I'd done in a long time, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I've booked a couple more for a couple of weeks time, too. All the staff were saying how scary midwifery was, with having such a responsibility and everything, but I had to disagree - I would have been less scared looking after a lady in a high risk labour room than I was walking on to the ward that morning.

I also volunteer a couple of evenings a week and have been away for a weekend with the kids I volunteer with. It was outdoors for the weekend, and my goodness was I cold. I was actually wearing a scarf and gloves. Then on the second day, whilst it was a really cold wind, I actually got slightly sunburnt. It would have been so much nicer to go this weekend - we had a lot of sun and clear blue skies yesterday (quite cloudy today, but mild and dry) - but at least it was dry.

I've been really busy in the garden, too. I've got quite a veg patch growing (I'm growing them at mum's this year due to hopefully moving). I've got pots of little seedlings everywhere at the moment - in the greenhouse, scattered around the garden, on all the hutches, everywhere - and there are tonnes more going in. I'm going to plant them in the garden this afternoon, and all the digging is going to be such a good workout. 

I'm trying to really get in to being healthy. The first time I was at uni, everyone gained so much weight - everyone's uniform was so much tighter by the time we left. This time, whilst I was aware of that, I (and the rest of the girls) have gained some weight throughout our training. I did get in to being really healthy when I was a student nurse. I would take in really healthy food, and then I just got out of the habit, and never really got back in to it. Now, I'm making a conscious effort to drink more water, cut right down on the chocolate (not great timing, though, being Easter) and to be more healthy in general. It is what I am going to focus on (in addition to obviously getting a permanent job) before I can start TTC.

Enough about me.

Hi SteelMagnolia - welcome to our little group.

Kelwin - I hope you start to feel better soon.

Melody - at least that cycle is behind you now, and you can focus on this cycle. Have you made any decisions about the donor/s and what you are going to do about them?

KN - I hope the results of the tests are good. But, I hope you don't need the results and have that BFP instead.

Fairytales - is it the tests at the clinic before you can start fertility treatment you're waiting for?

Mo - hope you're OK. You've not posted in longer than me.


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## fairytales87

Caite- you sure have been a busy bee lately, keeping my fingers crossed for you on the job front, It must be strange working between the two jobs midwife/nurse? To answer your question I'm hoping to do iui at a local clinic once I have saved up enough baby fund again as I had to use all my money I had saved for something which cropped up, Im assuming I will need to complete alot of test prior to treatment due to anovulatory cycles although my GP does not agree that my cycles are anovulatory after completing what she said were mid cycles bloods once which I know were not mid cycle and I have had other issues which weren't dealt with appropriately by her so Im unsure where I stand in regards to my fertility and I'm just going to have to wait and see what the clinic find if anything (I'm praying nothing but I'm pretty sure it won't be so easy given my history )when the time comes to discuss/start treatment.

Hope you all have had a fab day I had a lovely day with family enjoying the nice weather and a beautiful lunch


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## Caite

Fairytales - I remember your post now about having to spend the money. I hope you save up again quite quickly. Could you get as much as possible done under the NHS, test-wise, and then have the IUI private? Looking in to clinics abroad, they want things like bloods for HIV and a recent smear test, which could be done under the NHS (even for treatment abroad), then it would only be the actual fertility investigations and the IUI to pay for.

It is a little weird working the 2 jobs at the moment. As a student midwife, I can't even give someone paracetamol, even with a prescription, but as a nurse, I was doing drugs rounds (that was weird, haven't done a drug round in ages).

I was thinking, if I manage to get a permanent job soon, I might start TTC in September. It would give me long enough to settle in before going through fertility treatment and a first trimester (hopefully), and it still feels OK as it doesn't seem that long away - we're almost in May now, so that's only four months!


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## fairytales87

Morning :flower:

I have just changed jobs so will be a few months of sorting bills etc before I can put any away into baby fund.
I'm hoping it will just be test for treatment as I've completed HIV & hepatitis bloods for work and I will have a smear by the time treatment would be going ahead, I just fear I will have health issues that will make my journey difficult once I start which have came from unexplained and incomplete treatment by my Gp so Im just going to wait and see which way the clinic want to do things and will go with what they say will give me the better chance and pray they don't find anything that can't be fixed.

That's crazy how in one job you can do med rounds yet in another you can even give out a painkiller 
September isn't far away at all and will be here before we know it I hope everything works out and you can begin your ttc


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## K.N

Caite - Good to hear from you! You definitely sound like you've been busy alright!! That would be strange flitting from job to job and having your responsibilities hightened for nursing, yet for midwifery they lessen. At least it's something in the meantime though. Have to laugh at how everyone put on weight whilst studying - was exactly the same for my teaching degree! I've since done the same - gotten a gym membership and buying things like nutbars, dried fruit etc rather than munching on biscuits and sweets! I really really hope you can start ttc in Sept - I know it's later than planned, and still seems a long time away; but as you say it's only 4 months - and it's another date to count down too!

Fairytails - I've got everything crossed al the tests come back good :) Glad you were able to confide in someone else. I find it always feels good telling people - when it was JUST my decision and noone knew - i thought it was a crazy idea. felt like i was the only person in the planet to do it this way! Then i confided in a close friend, then discovered this forum - then my mum and a couple of other close friends also got told. No other family are aware though, just my mum. 


One week down in my 2ww!! 1 week to go. Easter holidays over now - so hoping i get my blood test results soon!

Funny you say morning fairytails, its night here! 11pm! I think I'm gunna head to bed soon - just watching a movie on TV2 - but should be over soon. So if it's day over there - hope you all have a lovely day :) :hugs::hugs:


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## fairytales87

KN I felt crazy and the only person to be going this route until I told the ppl I have and discovered this forum too, hopefully you get good news about your tests soon. It's midday here I find it fascinating how it's night for you guys.

I'm waiting for my mum and sister to finish their half day shifts at work then we are going to the lake district for some tea cakes and shopping but until they get home and call for me to go meet them I'm planning browsing online at baby essentials maybe one day I will start to purchase stuff but I think ppl would call me crazy for that lol


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## Caite

It does seem silly that in one role, I can give medication, yet in another I can't, especially as we're all qualified nurses on the course and employed by the Trust. But, on the postnatal ward as a student midwife, I can check mum and baby and say they're fit for discharge, and risk assess them for anti-VTE meds (blood clot preventing injections), which I don't do as a nurse. It seems silly, really - it's all in the same hospital.

It is good that we have this forum - especially this thread. I don't really feel able to comment on some threads when people are saying their OH isn't ready, or something like that. Until I found this thread, I thought I was the only one planning to go through this alone. It's so nice that we can talk about our choices here and not feel as though people are going to judge the decisions we make (though I've never felt judged on this forum). I just think we understand each other better than women who have a partner and are going the more traditional route.


KN - I was trying to work out what nutbars were, I thought they were some kind of fancy exercise equipment. Then you put dried fruit and I was like what? And then realised what you meant. Oops. Anyway, you're half way through the 2WW, I hope the other half goes nice and quickly for you, and you get a BFP at the end. I so desperately want you all to get BFPs - I'm so impatient for you all. And September's not so bad, it's only 4 months away. And flights might cost less in the autumn/winter than spring summer? (I'm trying to be positive!).

Fairytales - I know exactly what you mean about all the investigations. I'm a little scared for if I have to have them (which I guess I will - my cycles are so irregular/infrequent). I do hope they come back OK for you, and they don't show any major problems.


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## K.N

hahaa no - nut bars arent some exersize equipment - just peanut muesli bar things. 

My blood results came back today - not in the post like they're meant too; but I rang around and managed to get someone to tell me where they're at. They're all normal - so nothing wrong there. But now I'm going, "what next?" - so I'm happy that they're normal, but also slightly guttered because 12 months of no BFP when i have a perfectly functioning reproductive system is hard to hear. If someone was wrong, I'd have an explanation and something to help - whereas now, there's no explanation and I just have to go away and keep trying and hoping :( still going to make a follow up appointment with my GP - but I don't really know what to say, I was hoping she'd ring me with there "where to next"


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## fairytales87

KN- I'm glad all your test results came back normal but completely understand your feelings of so why after 12months haven't you conceived, I would get a follow up to discuss the results with your doc and explain that you are glad everything is ok but after trying for a while you're concerned that you still haven't fallen pregnant because even if you can't get answers from them they can see the results in context for you and maybe offer some reassurance :hugs:


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## Caite

Have they mentioned other tests? Blood results can only go so far in reassuring you or looking for a problem.

I've updated my ticker - now I can count down to my new date.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies, and Gent :)

I haven't posted in a little while. As you know, I've been a bit down/stressed with the state of my cycles lately. I went to visit a friend over Easter, just to relax and take my mind off things.

A quick recap - Last cycle was 60 days. I spotted for the last 10 days of it, then thought af had started even though it was very light. I became worried after this "af" had gone on for a further 10 days! Luckily this coincided with a Drs app today, that I had scheduled ages ago. I was ready for another "nothing we can do, you dont really have pcos" fob off but....

I got my referral!!!!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: Yep, the doctor finally agreed to refer me to a fertility specialist! I'm absolutely over the moon! Obviously there'll be more testing, but I'm getting a jump start on this now so that i'll have all the results before my assessment. So now I just have to wait for my appointment letter :D I've worked out that i'll get one more natural try in before I see the specialist. Fx I get my bfp, but if not, I'll finally get the help I need!

Kelwin - I hope you're making a speedy recovery hun. Love the way you're approaching all this. :hugs:

Fairytales- Im glad you were able to confide in another person about your baby plans, and I hope you're feeling positive about ttc in the near future.

KN - Aww thanks. Lol that's good you've got it there too. I love reading yours. Lol I thought of you yesterday as this store near my house just started a nautical clothing range for babies. Everything is so cute! I hope you're doing ok in your tww, and that ss isn't stressing you out too much. I follow the moon's cycles like a mad woman lol. I love that you tried during the eclipse, and all the relevant dates around the time you would give birth are definitely good signs. Fx for you hun! 

I know exactly how you feel about your bloodwork. I was the same. Happy that there isnt a problem, but confused and perturbed as to why you haven't conceived yet. I really hope you get your bfp this time, but if you don't, just be persistent. You'll get the answers and help you deserve.

Caite - Wow you really have been busy! I hope everything goes well for you with the job and the healthy eating. I've been trying to do all that do. I've gone back to brown rice and upping my leafy greens, nuts, water etc. It should be much easier as the weather gets better and better. Can't wait till your trying with us! :hugs: About my donors, I've decided to use one when I think im about to o, then the other a week later. They're both amazing guys, and are eager to help.

x <3 x <3 x <3 x


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## Caite

Melody, I'm so pleased you've got a referral. I hope they manage to find out what has been going on.


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## KelWin

Thanks Melody, I'm almost back to normal Which just means dull pain from one or more random joints on any given day, but no agony! :D


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## fairytales87

Melody- I hope you enjoyed your break away at easter sometimes it nice just to have some time out even if its only a few days and it doesn't always need to be faraway, I'm so glad your doctor has made a referral hopefully you will get answers and any help needed :hugs:

Kelwin- I'm glad to hear your starting to feel better :flower:

Nothing major to update here other than I noticed something interesting this past month regarding my own cycles and it will be interesting to see what happens next cycle if af would just shift her backside that would be great lol


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## K.N

Thanks for the support ladies - it is hard not knowing; The not knowing seems harder THAN the knowing! Will wait till after my two week wait is over, 5 more days to go - and if I get another period - I'll ring for a follow up appointment with my gp :)

Fairytails - Thanks - That's a good idea, they're meant to be posting them out to me - so ill take them in and just ask to have them all explained in clear details and i definitely will express my concerns. 

Yay for updating your ticker caite. We can all count down with you now! :D Lets hope & pray that after the wait being lengthened, your cycles behave and you get a speedy bfp! :D

Melody - Sounds good about visiting your friend in easter, i did exactly the same. Breaks are good - to clear the mind, destress and just have time away from your everyday environment. 60 days! Wowsers - You poor thing! I am STOKED you got a referral though!! Would love your last natural cycle to bring a bfp too - but if not, at least as you say you'll be able to get the help you need:) Cute about the nautical stuff you saw! It's really hard to come by over here, and expensive! So I'm just taking what I can get for now :D.

Kelwin - Really glad you're not in agony anymore, glad that it passed and is manageable pain now. I mean no pain would be best! But at least it's bearable at the very least.

Villagevoice, Mo, Rags, & Everyone else who's posted on here - Hope you're all doing well xx


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## KelWin

K.N. You are correct, no pain is best but unfortunately, that doesn't really exist for me unless I'm on painkillers, but they make me fuzzy so I avoid taking them if I can.


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## Caite

Kelwin, I'm glad the pain is getting better for you.

I have an interview next week. FX I get a permanent job.


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## KelWin

Caite - Good luck. Fx


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## K.N

Goodluck Caite!! All my fingers & toes crossed for you :)


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## fairytales87

Caite :that's great news Good luck :flower:


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## melodyy_mtb

Caite - I'm pleased too. It's such a relief to finally get some help. Gl for your interview hun! Fx [-o&lt;

Kelwin - Aww that's ok hun. I'm glad to hear the agonising pain has eased up. I know some people have to live with conditions that cause them constant pain but at least you are able to move about and think clearer now. x

fairytales - You're so right. I only went back to London where I'm from. I now live in a town outside the city called Reading. It doesnt take long to get there, but it was great just getting out of the house. I'm ecstatic about my referral. :happydance: I hope you're doing well. Even though you're not ttc right now, every cycle you will learn something more about your body, that will help you when you start trying. :hugs:

KN - Ikr, definitely helps getting away, even just for a weekend. I think that's how lovely mo manages to stay so chilled all the time, what with all her mini vacations hehe. I hope the tww is treating you well. Home stretch now. I have everything crossed for you hun :dust: I haven't managed to buy anything yet. I just don't know where to start lol. But there was this thick jumpsuit with little anchors on them. I'll take a pic and put it on my blog lol. I think when I next get paid, im finally going to get some cloth nappies.


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## K.N

Well ladies - my dr's FINALLY actually posted the results out to me! Everything is normal - a few "borderline" things, but not stuff that should affect fertility - just like sodium, white blood cells and little things like that. However I personally, think my progesterone levels are a bit low. Mine was 0.7 on CD9. I don't know too much about what is normal and what is not; taking into account everyone is different - but I did some googling, put 2 and 2 together - and realised that 0.5 is about the norm for cd1. For a perfect 28 day cycle - which my last 3 cycles have been; 0.7 is about day 2 or 3 - NOT day 9! So I'm waiting till tuesday - then im going to make a Dr's appointment and discuss with her my concerns about this. See what she says. I'll also request another blood test - for my next ovulation. To see if that progesterone raised for ovulation - or if it stayed low. I don't care if I'm in and out of my drs - requesting what could be unnessary blood tests, As long as everything is followed up properly and we figure out the cause for things. If there is no cause - then thats fine; but I'm going to MAKE sure there is no cause - rather than just give up after 1 round of good blood tests hahaa. Maybe you ladies have some experience with progesterone and can shed some light on it for me hahaa?

2 more days till AF is expected!! :D 

Melody: cute about the jumpsuit!! I should do a blog about the couple of cloth nappies I've got :D My friend made them for me - she makes all her kids cloth nappies, so made me a few to stash :D 

Do any of you have access to the stores mamas and papas - and clarks? They're my favourite brands :( Wish i lived in the UK hahaa. I love Next and H&M too. Next post internationally, but none of the other places do. NZ has such a generic everything is the same range :(. To buy anything "special" you're looking at $100nz an outfit ish :(


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## fairytales87

KN- fingers crossed for a bfp at.the end of this tww but if not I admire you for not giving up with going to your doc as after 1 round of half good half bad bloods I got different test for cancer without any explanation or anything from my doc and when the cancer bloods were alright I never went back hence why I have no clue about if all is good with my fertility or why my cycles are messed up etc so please go back as many times as it takes for you to have all the answers you need :hugs:

I have access to h&m clarks,mamas and papas & next like 15 minutes from my house I always go in for a wee browse when I'm shopping alone :blush:


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## K.N

Well AF due today - so far no appearance, still 1/2 day left though - or tonight. 

How's everything going for everyone else? Read your blog post melody - not sounding good :( :(. So easy to freak yourself with Dr. Google huh! Hope it's just another pcos thing - not something else unrelated.

Fairytails - lucky! Secretly I'm a tad jealous hahaa, When my friend went to the uk for a holiday - i ordered some clarks shoes - 2 pairs online, just paid via paypal and got them posted to her, then she posted to me - said it cost her about 5pound, so not much - dont get why the companies dont ship worldwide, theyd make so much more money!


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## fairytales87

KN I sure hope this is it for you and you get a :bfp:[-o&lt;[-o&lt;
Would you mind if I read your blog? I love reading blogs I follow two mums journeys to adoption just now 
I am amazed by them

Im always a tiny bit jealous of the us ladies with gymboree as I love it :haha:
Maybe someone here would do the same as your friend and post to you? I've no clue about sending abroad or PayPal either or I would be happy to.


My update is that although my money situation is rubbish from just moving jobs it's not quite as bad as I thought and I will be able to put a tiny bit away to start baby fund again not much at all but somes better than none so all being well I will be ttc early next year so I'm excited about that :happydance:

Hope everyone else is good


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## K.N

Definitely - of course you can read my blog :) I put it there to share my story with others so go for it :)

I've not heard of gymboree - but I'll google it. Probably end up regretting it if i love it hahaha! I'm sure I'll be able to get someone to help, I think my nanas got a friend over there or something. I'm not sure about posting abroad either - furthest ive ever posted was australia and that was easy - but here aussie is treated like another part of nz in terms of shipping and travelling. I don't know how she posted it to me though from uk - i just ordered online as if i was in the UK and put her address instead of my own - and then when it arrived, she just put it in a different bag and put my nz address on it - but thats all i know haha! For all i know, it could've costed more and she just told me it wasn't much so i didn't feel bad about it lol! 

o0oo that's exciting you'll be able to start ttcing early next year! I'm sure/hoping time will fly for you :) Also good that you're able to starting putting even a little bit aside - even only a couple of dollars, or pounds in your case hahaa. If you've got till early next year; it will add up quickly :)


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## fairytales87

You will love gymboree it's stunning 
How's the tww going?


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## K.N

tww is over :( AF came last night - very lightly though, very pink - but definitely more than if it was IB - so I'd say it's another light month, but at least my cycle was another 29 day though I guess. Will ring my drs and make another appt, hopefully they have one for this week. :)

Hope everyone else is well!! x


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## K.N

I'm always searching for pictures about ttc - but I came across this and felt that it fitted our little group well :)


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone :wave:

KN: I'm so sorry af got you :( But you're seeing the positives in it, which is great. The fact that you had a normal 29 day cycle is great. I hope you get a drs app quickly! It's good that they posted your tests to you, so you can go in armed with questions. My pro levels were about 1.2 at cd28! So I understand your worry about it being low. Be persistent, you have reached the year mark, you deserve some answers/help! Yeah my spotting came back, which is a bummer :( But i'm trying to stay positive. I love that quote by the way. I can see from your blog, you always find the cutest pictures and quotes. 

fairytales: That's great news about the baby fund. No matter how little you think the amount is, it all adds up! I really hope things go smoothly for you from now and you can start ttc as soon as possible. :hugs:

Afm - Like i mentioned to KN, I'm spotting again, which has brought my mood right down. I have no idea when this cycle actually started :wacko: I've been taking tranexamic acid which the doctor gave me last time my actual period was going on for ages. But you're only supposed to take it for 4 days at a time, I think. When i stopped, that's when the spotting started again. 

I've started doing opks, just in case i miraculously o during this mental cycle. I just want to get back on track with things! My donors are ready to go lol. The good news is that i booked my appointment forth of fertility clinic! Its not until the 4th of July... but least i have it. So hopefully I'll get 2 more natural tries in before my app. 

How's everyone else doing? x


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## K.N

What's the tranexamic acid stuff for melody? Does it help control the bleeding/spotting etc ? 4th July is my neices first birthday! Must definitely be a lucky day - and I hope it brings you lots of luck :) Would be awesome though to conceive before that appointment! But at least it's booked so you have a date - and know that if you're two cycles are unsuccessful/annovulatory; you have the clinic process in place :). 

Well visit with my gp went well - turns out she's extremely understanding, she said that she completed her training in India - and actually specialized in fertility when she trained. Although unfortunately in NZ she's unable to prescribe any treatment options as a gp, even though she's more than capable of it. I didn't know that was her specialty! I guess I got lucky there! ANYWAY - She's referred me to a fertility clinic :) She said that normally - there is a process that GP's have to carry out before someone is eligible for a funded consultation, even after the 12 months - but she's skipped that process for me, and says that she recommends I stop researching (hahaha!!!) and that I just relax and let the professionals do their job. She's so nice - I've been so lucky, and now I begin ANOTHER two week wait whilst I wait for fertility associates to contact me! "Two week wait" is becoming my life story lol!!

Hope you ladies are all doing well :)
xx


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## fairytales87

KN- I'm sorry af appeared:hugs:
Your gp sounds very understanding I hope you don't need to wait long for your appointment xx 

Melody- I hope all goes well for you on July 4th if you don't get your natural bfp before then :hugs:


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## Caite

KN - sorry about AF. But how lucky that your GP is so good with fertility. I hope they contact you quickly and get everything sorted out for you.

Melody - sorry about the spotting. And the 4th July isn't too far away. FX you get a BFP before then.

Fairytales - I'm pleased you have a rough time frame to start TTC. I'm sure the time will fly by for you.


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## fairytales87

I'm so excited caite even though it's only a small step towards my ttc sad I know!

When is your interview? Hope it's goes/went well


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## K.N

Hope your interview went well Caite! Was the week past wasn't it? Hope it went well :)

Melody - Hoping that the spotting went away, and your cycle began? so praying that you get an ovulatory cycle, imagine getting a BFP before your fertility clinic, would be so awesome :) Fingers & Toes all crossed xx

Fairytails - one less week in your countdown gone :) 

Got a letter from my hospital gynaecology unit saying they've referred me onto the fertility clinic - so one step down :). My GP must've sent a letter to my hospital before the clinic, and then let the hospital decide "where to next" - and they must've agreed. All a bit confusing really! But never mind! Hopefully the clinic get back to me soon so I can arrange an initial consultation regarding fertility treatment and funding/payment options etc. So we'll see how it goes, I'll keep you guys updated anyway :)

Hope you're all going well :) xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Hi everyone :)

So I'm still spotting, but I saw the most lovely nurse practitioner today and she really put my mind at rest. I'm completely at peace with the whole thing. I'm just letting nature (my body's unique take on it :haha:) take it's course until my appointment in July! However, I have started taking Vitex again. It cant get any worse, so I decided to go back on it lol.

KN: Yeah Tranaxemic acid helps lighten/stop periods, but you cant take it for long. It didnt help me this time round :( But I'm past worrying. I just have to be patient. I'm coming to terms with the fact that my baby journey will just be a bit rockier and longer than some. But it will be all worth it once I get to hold my little bundle of joy :cloud9: July 4th definitely feels like a lucky date to me! 

That's so spooky about your gp. It's like kismet or something. You really landed on your feet with her, and omg you got your referral!! :happydance: We can be clinic buddies lol. I hope you get your app soon. Definitely keep us posted! Just like i think about my situation, if you got your bfp before the clinic that would be amazing, but if not, at least you'll be getting help.

fairytales: Thanks hun. I hope you're doing ok :hugs:

Caite: Thank yooou. How did your interview go?

I hope everyone else is ok. Mo, Kelwin, Steelmagnolia <3


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## K.N

Melody - I'm so glad that the nurse was lovely; I find hospital nurses rushy and busy, but i find general nurses through my dr's really nice. It's just the Dr's themselves I don't like (Aside from the Dr who I have adopted on as my own, who actually isn't my Dr at all more just one I will now be requesting haha!) Annoying that you're STILL spotting :( Your body definitely has a unique take on normality haha! But I'm glad you're getting through it, we're always here if you do get stressed though :) xx


Re my clinic appointment I found out today - I've got an appointment for the 6th June. Not as long to wait as I expected!!! Have got a bazillion things to get tested for in the meantime though - so started booking appointments and noting the different days of my cycles that i need blood taken, swabs taken etc - Did you get that Melody? Or anyone else going through a clinic? I know they're all routine tests, but there is so many!!. My donor and I have also decided - after meeting up today to talk about "where to next", that we'll go through it as a "couple" we won't be in a relationship, but he has said that for me to get free/funded treatment, he'll step in and say he is with me. It is a huge thing - but we decided that even if treatment resulted in something as simple as clomid, I'd have to still pay 100's - but with him saying we're "together" it'll be free. Cheating the system a little - but considering we've been trying together since feb last year, we're probably as close as partners! We just aren't!! We've become good friends though, and I'm glad :) - I feel that after a year of trying with him, I couldn't imagine a stranger donor stepping in! If it means I get a baby - then that's what's important. He is still happy to go along with the contract we made - and with the original plans we had in place, but we'll just go through it a little different than originally expected. It's all a bit complicated to explain over the internet - but it all makes sense to me hahaa!! There is still a chance that we may not meet the requirement for funding, so nothing is guarunteed. There is a STRICT criteria for funding in nz where unexplained infertility is present :( But I'll let you guys know after the initial consultation :)

Hugs to you all waiting & ttc - hope everything is going well for you, & that your week is ending well :)


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## melodyy_mtb

Got full flow last night! Just after a day of taking Vitex! :happydance: Man that stuff is potent. It could also be the fact that I'm more relaxed about things and started meditating again.... but most probably the Vitex lol.


Aww thanks KN. Means a lot. I swear, Id probably have gone mad ages ago if it wasnt for you guys :hugs: Wow so you're app is next month, that's great! There are soooo many tests right?!! Blood tests at various stages, smear, chlamydia, rubella :wacko: But at least everything will be done before hand. I'm worried about my blood tests though because my doctor told me to do them at various stages of my cycle, based on a 60 day cycle. But im thinking the vitex will bring be down to 28 days (it did last time). I have no idea how to go about doing the blood tests now. I might just leave those ones and get everything else. I'll tell the gyne that ive been spotting for lon,g i couldnt count where my actual period was. 

That's wonderful news about your donor. Mine offered to do the same. We're so lucky to have such great donors, I've heard so many horror stories from other women. Breaks my heart. You're lucky that you both have been able to forge a friendship. It will definitely help for the future. I really hope everything funding wise goes ok. I'm sure you will meet the criteria.


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## K.N

Wooohooooo about full flow finaaallllyyy coming!! Whether it's from vitex, or just becoming relaxed - could even be a mixture of things! But at least now your bodies going to have had a good clean out, and will start a new cycle. Plus for health reasons - having a good clean out is a lot better than a build up of old lining. Also - regarding you not knowing where your cycle is - can you get two lots of tests? One lot or a 28 day cycle, and one lot for a 60 day cycle? I know blood tests aren't fun :( :( But it could be a way to ensure that you get the neccesssary tests on the right days - and if you end up with a 60 day cycle, then the levels might give some indication as to what is missing to give you a 30 day cycle? If that makes sense? 
Least within your time - if you do only have a 28 day cycle, you should have time for two cycles to ensure you get the right tests :)

But yes! So many tests! I've got blood tests to do random at any time, then a test 7 days before my period, another test on day 2 of my period. Then swabs taken - a smear, high vaginal, and chlamydia, annnd an ultrasound. I'm not sure if it's a belly ultrasound or a vaginal one though :S Guess I'll find out!

Unfortunately because my appt is so close - I've got to hope my cycle is a shorter cycle! But then being that ovulation is meant to be next week, 3 more weeks for a 28 day cycle - is the 31st - so ive got a week leniency. Just got to try guess the 7 days before period is expected :/. I've got a high amount of ewcm at the moment - so I'm hoping that I don't ovulate early and miss that 7 days before my period! I'll see what happens when i should ovulate :/. It's all so confusing at the moment. I guess it's like that for anyone beginning the process - my head feels like a fish bowl with so much swimming around in it haha!



Caite & Fairytales - At least if either of you need advice about clinics; Melody, Mo & I should be able to help out some how :) Who knows, with clinical waiting lists, we could all end up ttc together! :) :)


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## KylasBaby

Can I join you ladies? I'm ttcal as a solo mommy :). I got pregnant back in January, but unfortunately had a MMC that required a D&C. Just finished my provera to bring AF so it should be arriving tomorrow. I've been exhausted all week which is very typical for me the week before AF so FX! If I conceive this coming cycle my due date would be valentines day! This is my first cycle trying since my loss


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## K.N

Welcome Kyla'sbaby! Course you can join :) Sorry about your loss, I can't imagine going through all this - getting pregnant, and then loosing the baby. I know it's definitely a possibility, but still can't imagine how hard it must be! :hugs::hugs: Fingers crossed though, for AF to start your cycle off :) A valentines baby would be so cool & special :) Especially for a single mumma! 
Are you trying through a clinic - or in home??
Goodluck & baby dust for your cycle & a welcome to our little solomums to be forum of support and craziness hahaa xx


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## KylasBaby

K.N said:


> Welcome Kyla'sbaby! Course you can join :) Sorry about your loss, I can't imagine going through all this - getting pregnant, and then loosing the baby. I know it's definitely a possibility, but still can't imagine how hard it must be! :hugs::hugs: Fingers crossed though, for AF to start your cycle off :) A valentines baby would be so cool & special :) Especially for a single mumma!
> Are you trying through a clinic - or in home??
> Goodluck & baby dust for your cycle & a welcome to our little solomums to be forum of support and craziness hahaa xx

Awesome thanks! I love all the groups on here, but sometimes I feel a little left out when everyone talks about doing this with their partner and I'm over here like "well I have dogs..." It has been really hard. Especially going through the loss on my own. I think that was the hardest. I didn't want to tell too many people either so I haven't had much support. It gets easier, but never goes away. 
I'm getting some cramping so hoping AF comes tomorrow!
I'm doing it at home. With a different donor than I used for my loss. He was too unreliable. My new donor seems great!


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## K.N

Yeah I get what you mean :) sometimes I'd post on some of the other forums, but I was sort of stuck in between - a lot of the assisted conception forums, were partners - or clinics. Then the same sex forum was tricky, because I'm not lesbian :/. So although the women were lovely - it just didn't "fit" - but then I discovered these lively ladies here, and it's been so good. I have been ttc for 14 months now, and I've only JUST told my mum and close close friends, but they don't know the full details, just that I'm struggling with fertility at the moment. Support is definitely important though, so I hope you find some here :) I'm glad your new donor seems good! Having a good donor definitely makes the experience easier!! 

Also I meant to say too melody, that's so cool about your donor saying he can do the same as my donor for funding etc. :). That's so nice of him! did you take him up on it? Or is he going it as a "donor" ??


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## KylasBaby

Well I am a lesbian as well. Though I still don't find I quite fit in that section really as they have partners as well. 

So I'm glad I found this group. I look forward to getting to know everyone :)


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## K.N

Yeah exactly :) planning to be a solo mumma - is different to all the other forums :D there are parts of it, that others just don't get, if they haven't been through it :) were all in different scenarios/situations - but were all planning to be solo parents :)


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## melodyy_mtb

Kn - Arghhh it's so confusing isn't it?! :wacko: I have all these blood test sheets at home and no clue when to take them. You're right, i should try to double up on tests. I think I'll book an emergency app with my Doctor on Friday as I've got the day off. 

Welcome KylasBaby! :happydance: Always great to have another person who's ttc on their own. Sorry to hear about your mmc and d&c. I hope it didnt stress you out too much. Anywa,y lots of baby dust for you. I hope you get your bfp asap :haha: x


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## KylasBaby

So my body hates me. It was supposed to be gearing up to start AF over the weekend. Instead it's gearing up to ovulate. Positive opk yesterday am and I'm meeting with my donor in a few hours for a donation. It was totally unexpected so thrown together last minute. I was expecting AF not O. But FX we catch that egg!


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## melodyy_mtb

Lol that is what our bodies do. So many times I thought one thing and then my womb just goes "nope... not today". Aww at least you'll get to try in time. Lucky you've got a donor who is available at short notice. x


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## KylasBaby

So today didn't happen. I forgot we had changed the time so I totally didn't realize until 20 minutes after the fact. So I rushed over there and texted him and waited about ten more minutes. He finally got back to me saying he had just left....how he had "just left" when I had been there for 10 minutes and didn't see him I have no idea. But why on earth wouldn't he text me when he got there and I wasn't?! Why would you sit around knowing the donation had a short shelf life and not make sure I was coming?? Grrr. It sucks. But honestly though I'm not all that upset. This was all thrown together last minute. And I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have worked anyway. I'm like 99.99% sure haha. But at least knowing I ovulated my cycle should start in about two weeks. So I have that time to find a new donor because I'm not using this guy again. I highly doubt he came in the first place. Having "just left" ten minutes after I'd been there. Oh well. Next month!


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## K.N

Sure is confusing melody!! Had my swabs yesterday - so uncomfortable, not the process - but the lady! Big hands, Big speculum - Lots of swabs (apparently they take 2 for each thing, just to ensure a decent specimen), very glad it's over! Was a new nurse too - not one I've ever seen before, the other nurse is WAY better at it I think. But then decided it probably best I get used to it if I'm tryna have a baby! I'm a little confused though, I'm meant to have my progesterone tested 7 days before my period is due - but i think i ovulated early, like a week early, in fact im nearly positive i did. Should ovulate tomorrow, not a hint of ewcm in sight - was all last week, AND all negative opks :( - so im not sure if i should go from ovulation dates - or my chart dates for the blood tests?? i've had 17 day cycles in the past - but also had annovulatory cycles, and up to 40 day cycles - so who knows! My last 3 cycles have been regular - typical the time i need a regular cycle - I get an unpredictable one! I'm going to drop all my forms into the clinic tomorrow - so I'll ask them tomorrow and see what they think, otherwise ill just ring a nurse and ask if they can fax through a second blood request - and do two lots like i suggested to you melody haha!

Kyla's baby - Aw that's a shame about your donor though, hopefully you find a new reliable donor shortly and can get sorted next ovulation! Strange that you ovulated when you were expecting AF though - Bodies are so strange, especially when you're charting and tracking - you tend to notice the differences/changes more!!


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## K.N

Thought I'd let you all know - things have changed since my post only a couple of hours ago! My gyno meeting with the fertility clinic has been bumped up; and is now next week - on the 22nd May! Not next month!

I had my progesterone tests today - and a pile of other things, but the progesterone was the big one - it was meant to be 7 days before my period, but as mentioned earlier i have no idea when to expect my period! So the lady at Fertility Associates that I spoke too on the phone said for me to go get the blood tests today, and go see them tomorrow where they'll have a quick look at my cycle dates and perhaps order a second lot of blood tests in a weeks time. Not a consultation tomorrow - just a quick over the counter look and think hahaa. Sneak a peek in the clinic for the first time! :)

Hope you're all doing well xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Kayla - That is a bit odd. You'd think that if you're supposed to meet someone and they turn up to find you're not there, the first thing they'd do was text/call to find out where you are... Maybe he got cold feet. It can happen to donors too. Definitely go with your gut if you think you need to find a new donor. Sorry you missed the chance this cycle. I missed my o a week or so ago. Wasn't expecting it at all, like you, I was actually expecting af :wacko: Anyway, at least you know you o'd and can look forward to trying next cycle.

KN - Those swabs sound uncomfortable, and not psychically lol. But omg your app has been moved forward?! :happydance: So exciting. You must tell us everything. I'm living through you until July lol. I hope everything runs smoothly until your app and that you can get the tests done at the right time. You're lucky that you can call up the clinic for help before your app. I wonder if I can do that. I just assumed that everything needs to go through my gp. 

I counted 6 blood test sheets whilst tidying up :wacko: lol. I've decided to just do one a week and when I get to the clinic I'll explain that my main reason for seeing them is because I have no idea when my cycles are. I hope they accept that lol. But I might see if I can speak to someone like you did. I decided not to go back to my doctor for a while. I'm so fed up of that place :(


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## K.N

Aw Melody did you miss your ovulation after that awfully long cycle? Sorry to hear :( That's so frustrating!!! :( Have you got plans in motion for your next ovulation? - Provided that your cycle behaves and gives you a good egg!! :D Fingers & toes are crossed!

6 sheets of tests? WOW that is a lot!! Thankfully they put a lot of mine together - like 4/5 vials of blood per lot, so i only need to go in 3 times; but 6 times? Man, poor you! So far I've given 8/9 vials - hopefully only 3/4 to go!! That will be on day 2 of my period - when they do the next lot. THEN hopefully, all the initial bloods are done. 
Have you registered with your clinic? I've registered with mine - so I guess that's why I'm so easily able to ring them up and ask queries etc - they have on call nurses as well, for any medical queries. But the receptionist seemed pretty clued up too. Except when I initially rang and she asked for my "oh's" birth date and i accidentally told them he was 2 years older than he is!! Blamed it on a blank moment and bad day haha. We went by today to drop all the forms off, and she copied it all and passports and stuff - and we now officially have our own "fertility file" - so its a medical file, but separate to my GP one - and only for the clinic. 
It all seems so real now!! Starting to get really nervous, Keep thinking what if they find out my donor and i aren't partners! What if we end up in huge trouble or something! I know they won't find out, and even if they did - theyd just pull the chance for any funding. But still, I'm a worrier - even on a good day hahaa. I just hate it - i never wanted so many people to be involved in my trying to conceive! Never expected any of this - But i guess, what will be - will be, least im in the right place :) Just nerves kicking in is all haha. 

Fair enough that you've had enough of your gp!! I've been lucky enough that because of how long we've been ttc - i only needed to speak to my gp twice about it all; But definitely enquire about whether your clinic has a help line etc :) What's the name of your clinic melody? Can i google it? I'm curious about what other clinics around the world are like and what they offer etc! 

But on other notes, I agree with melody about maybe your donor got cold feet kylasbaby :( :( it sucks just so much, its hard enough for us single ladies to trust a guy to be a donor - let alone to have him not turn up on the first month :( *hugs*


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## KylasBaby

Yeah it sucked. But it was all thrown together last minute and I wasn't really ready for it and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have caught the egg anyway so I'm not really worried about it. I'm more worried about finding a new donor. Today is my post op appointment from my D&C on March. Hoping to get the test results back. Pretty nervous. The test results will also tell me the gender. I think it was a boy. Gonna be kinda sad today.


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## K.N

Aw, I'm just heading off to bed - it's midnight here, but after reading your message on my way offline, i couldnt not reply hahaa! 

about your post op meeting - hugs for the appointment, it will be a sad time, of course - but hopefully you get some answers, that you're 'happy' with, to help prevent it happening again if it could be a reoccurring thing - Let us know how it goes, & all the best xx I hope it's not too too upsetting for you.

ALSO - that's good that you're not too worried about how it all ended out this month, and all the best for finding a new donor - and catching your next egg! Fingers crossed! (and toes) :)


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## KylasBaby

I had my post op appointment on Thursday. The doctor all but asked me what the hell I was doing there. I told him he told me to make a post op appointment and he said "oh..." Really? So he didn't examine me. And I asked about my test results and he had absolutely NO IDEA what I was talking about! I told him I had bills from hystology and pathology. He had no idea what I was talking about. So needless to say I don't have my tests results :(

But other than that still searching for a donor. I have a few leads so FX!


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## K.N

That's really unprofessional about your dr kylasbaby! You'd THINK he'd have some clue, seeing as it was him who told you to make the appt, and you'd thiink he'd have access to find the results, even if he wasn't prepared. That's so annoying :( You had worked yourself all up and got the courage to go and find out - one of the hardest things ever, then to have that :( You poor girl. Fx with your donor hunt though!!

I'm feeling a bit down today, my best friend had her baby early hours this morning :( I'm so happy for her, her daughter is gorgeous - but naturally im just down in the dumps a bit. Is her 4th child, whom she conceived 4 months after i started ttc - At least she lives 4 hours away so cant tell - wouldn't want my emotions to make her feel bad for having a baby, not at all - but just cant help that whole natural jealousy thing hahaa. On the upside, least I have my gyno appt tomorrow:)

Hope everyone else is doing good :hugs::hugs:


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## fairytales87

KN- Good luck for your appointment today, I'm so glad everything is moving forward for you ,your donor sounds great fingers crossed for full funding and a quick journey to bfp :hugs:

Melody: I hope things are going better for you? Are you registered at a clinic if so you can liaise with them for guidance as they are there to support you in making a choice that will work for you, I noticed you mentioned to KN your donor is willing to support you as your partner for treatment, that is great are you considering this?:hugs:

Kylasbaby: Welcome to our we solo mamas thread Goodluck in your search for a donor and your journey :flower:

Update on me: Not much has changed really apart from I met someone a couple of weeks ago and we have been texting etc alot however I can't bring myself to agree to a 1st date yet as I've so focused on being myself and going down the ttc road myself for so long now that I'm not sure I want to change anything :dohh::wacko:


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies, sorry I havent been on much. Just a quick message to say I'm thinking of you all. I'm quite depressed at the mo, still spotting, people having babies all over the place lol, so I might not be back on babyandbump for a little while, but I'm glad you're all doing ok.

Kyla - Sorry you had to go through such an ordeal with your Dr.

KN - I hope your tests and app goes well. I think things are done a little different over here, but I managed to speak to someone and they have put my mind at rest a bit.

fairytales - Hope you're ok. Gl with this person you're texting. Just take things slowly :) xx


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## K.N

Melody: Aw hun :( I so wish it was easier for you!! Hopefully the gyno/RE looks at your cycles and how crazy they are with the spotting - and they don't hesitate with assistance <3 That's totally fine though, keep us updated when things pop up - or you needa talk :) Maybe some time to yourself might help a little :hugs::hugs::hugs: 

Fairytails: That's cool hun - that you've met someone :) Goodluck with everything! What Melody said, take things slowly and I'm sure if they are meant to be, they will be :) 

I'm just sitting here with a hot chocolate :coffee: making sure I've got everything necessary for my meeting today - its not for another 5 hours yet though, they changed the time again. Apparently they are really quick with the consultations - but it's just the treatment and follow ups you have to wait ages for. So we'll see what she says. I'll let you know anyway, whether it's conclusive or inconclusive.


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## KylasBaby

fairytales - I've had the same issues. I'm still dating and seeing people and dating and talking. But it's not making me put anything on hold. If maybe if been seeing someone for a couple of weeks or so and we were talking about making things official I'd have to have a long talk with them and myself and re-evaluate. 

Melody - I'm sorry you're having a hard time. I took a break from here after my MMC and it really did help to just take some time to myself. I hope you get to feeling better!

KN - hope everything goes well!

So I had 4 days of spotting and I think AF has finally started although very light. This is my third cycle since my D&C and they haven't been this messes up. It's so frustrating. But I'm talking to two new potential donors so FX!


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## K.N

Just got back from my appointment, still a little in shock - not the result at ALL that I was expecting. So just a quick post, All tests were normal, progesterone normal - a little higher, which suspects some form of ovulation - so my gyno reckons that I will get a period someone within the week. Had a vaginal ultrasound - wasnt as bad as I thought it would be - but found out, I have a lovely collection of cysts on my ovaries. Sooo I'm joining the PCOS "crew" so to speak. Not the news I wanted, but also - Glad I don't fit into the unexplained category though. He said not to bother with IUI or anything of the sort, for me to conceive - it's looking like IVF or ICSI. So that's a bit scary. He's given me metformin for 3 months, and recommended we tried 2 cycles of clomid - but it's not a funded clomid cycle, so we opted to give the metformin a try first. 

Also - In terms of funding. It's looking like I/We (my donor and I) will be eligible for funded treatment. But now I've got the decision, do I want to go through it and say my donor - is actually my partner? And then have to fake a breakup? Some thinking to do :)

SO anyway, that's the 2 hour appointment summarised hahaa. 

Kylasbaby: FINGERS crossed for either of your donors! Go with your heart and your gut feeling, I really hope one of them is the one - and hope that they stick around and know what is involved for you. :)


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## KylasBaby

KN - PCOS isn't a death sentence. I was diagnosed in my early teens and was able to conceive on the first shot. I'm convinced my supplements all helped a lot. Especially maca root. But the powder of that not the capsules. I stopped taking it for a while then started again and bang ovulated exactly two weeks later. It's amazing stuff.

No advice on your donor though. Will he have to go there with you to provide the samples? If so speak with him and see what he thinks.


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## K.N

My donor has said that he's more than happy to say he's my "partner" to go through ivf etc - and he came with me to the consultation too, he doesn't have a problem with doing any tests or anything either; so that's good :) It's just me who's nervous hahaa!! My two main concerns; are a)I'm a terrible liar, so faking a breakup seems the hardest thing ever haha! But to get to be a mum, i think ill be able to do it. and then b) i wasnt planning on putting him on the birth cert, but if we go through ivf - i can hardly say i dont know who the dad is hahaa! I can say i cant contact him though - so thats an option :) - Melody, if you come on in the next few days and see this message - what are your thoughts on the whole donor pretending to be partner kind of thing? Are you considering his offer? Maybe you have thought of some ideas to get around things - that i havent thought of yet hahha! I hope that the metformin or if we try clomid - works because then it won't be as in depth as the ivf process :D But I'll definitely ask my dr about herbal supplements though at my next appt, ive saved what you said about maca root so i can ask if is an option :D :D Thanks!! There's still hope yet, as you say kylas baby - its not a death sentence. More just another obstacle haha. But at least now i know why its taken so long to conceive!!


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## KylasBaby

KN - you don't really have to fake a breakup. Just say you broke up. If they prove say you don't want to talk about it. That's great you have such a good donor! FX! Maca really works. It's nasty though. I wouldn't expect your doctor to know much about it though but definitely research it. It's my miracle drug


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## K.N

That's true kylas baby - and i hear a lot about ivf couples breaking up, just due to the emotional stress and pressure it puts on couples.
I guess I've got 4 weeks to think it over anyway, and who knows - I might still conceive without ivf :)

Also - I just realised you said powder, not capsules - how do you take the powder? Do you mix it with something? Can you take it with metformin do you know? I'm jumping on google about it now - so may answer my own questions haha, but just in case.

Thanks for your advice!! Really appreciate it! I never thought id have pcos, so havent researched it or anything - dont know much about it at all! So I'll take all the advice and suggestions I can get haha!


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## KylasBaby

K.N said:


> That's true kylas baby - and i hear a lot about ivf couples breaking up, just due to the emotional stress and pressure it puts on couples.
> I guess I've got 4 weeks to think it over anyway, and who knows - I might still conceive without ivf :)
> 
> Also - I just realised you said powder, not capsules - how do you take the powder? Do you mix it with something? Can you take it with metformin do you know? I'm jumping on google about it now - so may answer my own questions haha, but just in case.
> 
> Thanks for your advice!! Really appreciate it! I never thought id have pcos, so havent researched it or anything - dont know much about it at all! So I'll take all the advice and suggestions I can get haha!

Yes, powder not capsules. When I got pregnant I stopped taking the powder as I put it in my smoothies and those made me nauseous while I was pregnant. Then after the loss I started taking the capsules as I still couldn't stomach my smoothies and nothing happened. I was on them for about two months. Then switched back to the powder and as I said, two weeks later I ovulated. I don't know if you can take it with met I don't see why not. It's a vegetable. I would imagine it would be fine.

You're welcome! It's not really that bad, PCOS. Most people are petrified of it or when they get diagnosed. Women with it can and do still get pregnant and have healthy children.


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## Rags

KN, you wouldn't need to say anything at all about breaking up. If you read in on some of the assissted conception threads it's perfectly normal for women to turn up for egg transfers unaccompanied by partners and for partners to turn up to 'donate' without a women there holding their hand. Once you get your bfp you move on to the care of the maternity team and any information you tell them about how you conceived is up to you. As for the birth certificate, in the uk the other parents details can only go onto the certificate if he is there at the time of registering, no one blinked when I registered DS as I walked in by myself so they didn't even ask for fathers details.


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## Caite

You've all been through so much in the last few weeks.

KN - I'm pleased you have finally got answers. I'm sorry you've been diagnosed with PCOS, but at least now you know about it, you can start treatment for it. Hopefully the metformin will help.

Melody - I'm so sorry about everything you're going through at the moment :hugs:

Kylasbaby - sorry for the MMC. Good luck with choosing a donor again. I hope this one is more committed and reliable than the last.

Fairytales - how's it going with the person you were texting?

I'm still job hunting - I apparently did well in my interview but they wanted someone with more experience, so still no firm plans for a date to start TTC yet! I've been doing some nursing shifts at the moment, and I've really enjoyed firstly the flexibility of being able to pick and choose when to work, and secondly the fact that I can turn up, do my job, and leave without having to get in to the politics of how the ward/unit/department is run. If I wasn't planning on TTC, I would probably stick with bank shifts for a while.

I had an appointment with occupational health the other day about starting on the midwifery bank at the hospital. They wanted to see my immunisation history (I've worked at the hospital for years - they had the details when I started there about 5 years ago). I told her this, then she managed to find the information and blood results. She said when they took bloods about 20 months ago, I was immune to rubella (so hopefully if/when I finally start TTC and get a BFP, I will still be, and she took bloods to check my chicken pox immunity. I've not heard anything, so hopefully immune to that, too (I had very mildly when I was a child) so that'll be one less thing to worry about, too.


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## K.N

Oh that's a shame about the job wanting more experience caite :( they do that heaps over here too - it's like, how can we get experience - if no one hires to get the experience. One if my pet hates hahaa. I can understand not hiring due to lack of degrees or knowledge etc, but not really experience. But fingers crossed about the hospital midwifery for you anyway :) I wonder if they can do a chickenpox blood check here - because I've never had it. They don't normally immunise chickenpox here, (they do in Aussie) but because I have never had it - I might need immunising - in case I'm around it while pregnant. I've been around sooo many kids who've gotten it, but never actually had it myself. Let us know how you get on :)


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## K.N

And rags - oh really?? I guess your right - ivf is a long emotional road, so I know at least half of all ivf couples break up after - due to the emotional strain. I will look into birth registration a bit more too, and how it's done here. Your guys comments about it all, have relaxed me a bit about it. Like I know NZ is different to uk etc, but still - definitely given me a few ideas and things to think about.


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## Rags

KN, I was attending an acupuncturist a year ago who was treating a women going through IVF. She told me that she had seen her the day before her egg collection for a treatment and the women was very excited. The next day she arrived for the collection only to be told by the clinic that her husband had called them to say that he would not be attending and that they were no longer together. she had seen him that morning and he'd said nothing to her. When she arrived home, distraught, his clothes were gone, he'd left while she was there! Everyone has a different IVF journey. The clinics advice to her was to take that cycle off and consider if she wanted to try alone, I really wish I'd been able to talk with her or knew what she had decided.

You will get there.


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## Caite

Rags, that is awful of the woman's husband! And what a cowardly way for him to leave her.

KN - I do get why they wanted experience. It was quite an autonomous role, really, and to be fair, if I was the patient, I would want a midwife with a little bit of experience looking after me. Still, it was good interview practice. Here in the UK, regardless of how the baby is conceived, if the parents are not married, the dad must attend the birth registration to go on the birth certificate, unless they have a special form (I guess for something like serving soldiers on overseas tours), otherwise nothing is entered for the father's details. If they are married, then the mum can record the dad's name without him being there.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hello everyone :hugs: I couldn't stay away for too long lol.

I'm feeling much better. My spotting has officially stopped! :happydance: Strangely enough it happened the day after I put on this special bracelet my mum gave me with these crystals that are supposed to be good for fertility lol. Spooky. Anyway, my mood is so much better. I've started my blood tests and have my smear next week... finally.

I randomly got a pos opk last week, but unfortunately neither of my donors could make it at such short notice. I thought i might get another pos this week as i often get one then another in 7 days time, as if my body fails to o and then tries again a week late. But this time it didnt! I'm not bummed though, as it looks like i actually o'd for once, and on a normal cd. 

KN - I hope you're ok. Looks like we're Cysters lol. I know it must be a shock to find out that you have pcos, but like Kyla said, it isn't a death sentence. Once it has been diagnosed, most women go on to get pregnant relatively quickly. A friend on another forum just got her bfp after being diagnosed with pcos. Gives me hope too.

My donor also said that he'd stay with me if i needed ivf, but I haven't given it much thought. My situation is a bit odd lol. I actually started this whole journey (research, speaking to doctors etc) when i still identified as a lesbian, so the question of a boyfriend/husband never came up. My doctors just assumed (and still do) that I will be using donor sperm and they seem ok with it. I think if i had to have ivf, i would use my donor if i could, or end up purchasing sperm from a bank. I think there would be some sort of funding due to my fertility issues, as the NHS covers a lot here. But like i said, i haven't given it much thought. We just have to take things one day at a time :)

Kyla - How goes the search for a new donor?

Fairytales - I hope you're ok. How are things going with your text buddy? lol. Thanks for all the support :hugs:

Caite - Sorry you didnt get the job :( Its so frustrating because if everywhere says you need more experience, how are you supposed to get the experience in the first place?! Good news about your blood tests though. I just had my Rubella test on Tuesday. I hadnt even considered what it would mean if the results were bad.


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## KylasBaby

On the donor front - the donor who I was supposed to meet Wednesday but didn't because he never got back to me when I emailed to confirm, has agreed to meet tomorrow!! And if all goes well I'll get a nice donation as a parting gift ;)


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## K.N

Rags: That is awful!! That poor lady :( What a way to find out :( IVF is a huge strain on emotions and relationships, I can understand him not being able to cope any longer - but still, how horrible for her to find out like that, not even in person. 

Caite: Yeah, I guess you're right - I've been looking at "potential" midwives here, and I have over looked the ones with little experience as well. Whereas working in a 'unit' or a hospital would build that experience up - whilst still giving patients the comfort that they'll be looked after well etc. 

Melody: Welcome back - I've been wondering how you've been during your break! :) I'm glad your spotting stopped! I've got some crystals which are said to help fertility - but they're just stones not a bracelet or anything. I just noticed your blog post! Funny coz I just like 2 or 3 days ago took photos of my stones with the intention of blogging about it haha!! Also good that you O'd - Even if you missed it which sucks :( But the fact that you ovulated is good! That your Dr has no problems with your use of donor sperm - whether be your actual donor, or clinic donor sperm :). I wish we had that option available here :( Doesn't matter what your fertility is like here - if you're single you're single! 

Kyla's baby: Goodluck for your meeting!! I'll be thinking of you! :D Hope it goes well and he's a good one :) Don't be afraid to ask lots of questions - may seem a bit daunting, but better to know all than go home going, "wish i asked that!!" Fingers & toes crossed :)


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## Caite

Melody, I'm so pleased that you're feeling better and that you ov'd. Yay. One of the girls in my class was not immune to rubella. She was offered the MMR. The only problem with that is that it is a live vaccine and therefore can't be given to pregnant women. It's also not advised to get pregnant within three months of having it. Routinely, women are not screened for it pre-pregnancy (though I guess it's different if you're going through a clinic?) so it's not picked up until women attend for booking bloods with the midwife. I don't really know why we were screened - I guess just to prevent us passing it on to non-immune pregnant women. Anyway, I read a book (a fiction book) about a single lesbian who was going through IVF in the UK with a male friend as the sperm donor. I know it was only fiction, but it was really good. I think it was called Two Week Wait, but I can't remember who wrote it. You might be interested in it?

Kylasbaby - good luck for tomorrow.


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## Caite

Found it. The book's by Sarah Rayner https://www.amazon.co.uk/Two-Week-Wait-Sarah-Rayner/dp/0330544101


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## melodyy_mtb

*KN:* Thanks hun :hugs: How spooky is that? Lol. I love my bracelet. I could feel it working as soon as I popped it on. I also just got a huge batch of assorted crystals. I plan on giving most of them away. 

Yeah I was trying to take a semi-relaxed approach to charting, and was just putting my temps on my phone, never even looked at FF. I decided t finally input them all, since I was feeling much better, and I got my thick red crosshairs! :O I'm still taking Vitex, but at a much lower dose, and so far, so good. That's a shame about the process over there :( but at least you've got a wonderful donor who is willing to go through it all with you! Where are you at anyway? Will you be trying soon?

*Caite:* Thanks :D That book looks really good. I'm going to get it! Yikes, I hope I am immune lol. 

*Kyla:* Gl for today! I'm guessing you'll be o'ing soon then?


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## KylasBaby

Met with the donor yesterday. It went very well. Got a donation as well. Temp dip this morning so I'm inclined to believe I was getting false positives on my OPKs due to stopping the femara so soon. A lot of places I found said not to test with OPKs until 3 days after your last dose which I did. Whoops. So hopefully I'm set to O next week still. He has said he would do another Monday if I need one :)


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## melodyy_mtb

That's great. Glad you found a reliable donor. I hope the temp dip is just an o dip or random one, and that you did o. But if not, then at least you can get another donation next week :)


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## Caite

The book is good Melody - let me know what you think about it. Hopefully you are immune to rubella.

Kylasbaby - good luck - hope it goes well!


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## K.N

Kylasbaby: That's good you were able to find a reliable donor, and get a donation too - I hope this cycle goes well for you & you conceive as quick as last time! :)

Melody: Sometimes not charting is the best for a wee while, just to clear your head. This month I haven't temped, or taken an ovulation test - I really dont know where i am in my cycle, but i figure I'll go with what my body tells me and see how I go, After charting non-stop for over a year, im sure 1 month wont be drastic. I've had 3 months, of 29day cycles - so im hoping that means the regular cycles are here to stay again. X fingers, but who knows hahaa.

I hope everyone's doing well :). It's winter here, so freezing!! Forgot how cold this house is over winter haha! I actually think it's warmer outside than inside lol.


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## Caite

It's funny to think it is winter over there. It's just going in to summer over here (officially starts 21st June), the sun is out, the sky is blue and, if it's anything like yesterday, it'll be nice and warm out.

My friend had a baby girl yesterday, so I can't wait to go and buy her a present. A few of my friends and my cousin are due over the next couple of months, so lots of cuddling babies coming up, and no doubt getting extra broody!


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## KylasBaby

Almost summer over here too! I can't wait. Our winter seriously lasted until May. It was so cold for so long. I can't wait to thaw out. 

2dpo over here. Lot of weird symptoms yesterday. I know it's super early. But last time I knew from the day after O. They say some women just know. Fingers and toes are crossed!


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## Keebs

Hi ladies, may I join :hi:

I'm 39, already a single mother by choice and am hoping tostart ttc #2 this month. Just waiting to hear if my donor is free next week. Soooo excited to be doing this again and would love to share the journey with others in a similar situation.


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## Caite

Hopefully Kylasbaby you're right.

Hi Keebs. Welcome to our little group. I hope your donor is free next week. I guess if you're planning on doing it again, being a single mum by choice can't be too bad/stressful?

I just spoke to occy health at work. I'm immune to chicken pox but need a hep B booster. I've just done some googling, and it won't delay my TTC (whenever that might be!).


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## melodyy_mtb

*KN* I think you're right. Our bodies react so easily to stress, any little thing could mess up our fertility. As soon as I stopped stressing I o'd! lol. I'm glad that your cycles seem to have settled down. I have everything crossed for you this month! There's definitely something in the air, pregnancies everywhere! Cant believe it's winter there! My house is the same during winter, absolutely freezing!

*Caite* It's good you're immune to chickenpox, I hope the hep b booster goes ok. Not long till you can start trying! :hugs:

*Kyla* FX for you this month! Like I said to KN, there's definitely something in the air :dust:

*Keebs* Welcome :hi: So great to have another smbc, and the fact that you already had one child on your own is definitely inspirational. I have everything crossed for next week. Definitely keep us updated.

Afm: I had my smear yesterday which was surprisingly pain free! I've put it off for so long because it just sounds so painful/uncomfortable. The only bad thing is that I started spotting again. I'm due on in a day or so, so I wasn't too worried. There was only a tiny bit by my cervix apparently. The nurse said that these days spotting doesnt have to mess with your smear, as long as they have enough cells I should be ok.

I cant wait to try again. I'm positive that I'll o this time like i did a couple weeks ago. 4 women I chat to on here have all got their BFPs recently. 3 of which were just about to see their GP/specialist, so I'm hoping the same will happen for me :D Hopefully I'll o around the 23rd of June.


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## Caite

Definitely hope it happens for you, Melody. It would be amazing if you got your BFP before you go see the specialist. I should really get a smear test done - I had my invite when I was 25, and a reminder, but I never booked an appointment. I guess I should get used to it really! We were on about smears in uni. We were talking in class about vaginal examinations, and the tutor was like 'well, you all know how it feels, you've all had smears,' at which point, I apparently started looking a bit sheepish and then got told off by my lecturer for not having had one!

Someone mentioned on here (I think it might have been on WTT) that NHS bank staff might be entitled to maternity pay. I've managed to find my Trust's policy online and it is the case. It says that you must have worked 24 out of the 26 weeks prior to the 15th week before the EDD, which would mean that I guess I could start trying anytime! That's a scary thought. I know June was initially my date to start, but I had sort of psyched myself up for probably winter, to be honest. Wow. I need to get some hours in at work and really start saving for the next couple of months. Maybe I could start trying in September, regardless of my job situation? I think I just need to find out what sort of pay I would be entitled to. I'm both very excited and very scared now. It has suddenly become very real.


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## melodyy_mtb

I know right. I just want it to happen for all of us. I've grown so fond of all you lovely ladies and gent :D 

I was exactly the same. I got my invite to have my smear but just left it. But it's one of the tests I need for my fertility appointment, so had to be done. I hope the results are ok. Apparently they have to wait 3 months to try again, something about giving the cervix time to recover, but I didn't really feel anything. The spectrum was more uncomfortable lol. 

That's wonderful news about your maternity pay entitlement. Gosh you really can start trying any time soon :happydance:. You must be so excited and nervous. Have you sorted out your clinic choices etc?


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## Caite

I think I'm going to go with the one in Denmark. It seems reasonably priced, looks professional, and is accessible. I did email them a while back, they emailed me back and then I got busy (can't remember what with now) so didn't email them back again.

Have you bought that book yet?

I've become very fond of everyone, too. It's nice that we're all going through something similar. I feel much more able to talk to you girls here than the others on here on the different forums - not that they're not mostly lovely, but they all have partners or have baby's father to deal with.


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## Keebs

Thank you for the welcome ladies. Being a single mum by choice is amazing. It has it's down sides (need someone to watch the baby for 5 minutes whilst you wash/eat/sleep/breathe :haha: not happening) but I love that I have sole responsibility. No compromising on my parenting ideals at all. Plus I get all the cuddles :cloud9:

*Caite* Hope you can start ttc soon. In my trust you get a much better maternity package if you have a permenant contract. Bank staff only get statutory maternity pay, contracted staff get 8 weeks full pay, 18 weeks half pay + statutory, then statutory only. It's a heck of a difference.

*melodyy_mtb* A bfp before seeing your specialist would be great losts of :dust: for this next cycle.

Everything crossed for those ladies in their tww too.

As for me, sadly I ovulated earlier than expected so just waiting for af to show then try next cycle.


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## melodyy_mtb

Caite - Books on it's way :D Yeah I know what you mean. The other women on this forum are so lovely, but nothing beats speaking to others who are trying completely on their own.

Keebs - Aww thank you. Yeah it's been a hard journey so far. I went from thinking I'd get pregnant overnight, to finding out I have pcos which can give me 60 annovulatory cycles with random spotting in between. But things are looking up. 

So sorry you o'd earlier than expected. That's the thing with being a smbc, you dont just have sperm on tap lol. I actually have two donors but still both managed to be unavailable last cycle. Good luck for next cycle hun. x


----------



## Caite

Keebs - maybe I misread the policy then? I think the NHS is pretty standard nationally, with its big policies, isn't it? Sorry you ov'd earlier than you expected.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

How's everyone doing? 

I so excitable, i cant keep still lol. I finally get to try next week (if I o like i did last cycle). It's been so long since my last try. I actually cant wait to get hold of that syringe :rofl:


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## Keebs

*Caite* They usually are, I could be very wrong. Forget it's been 2 years since I was organising mat leave and things change. Our policy now says all NHS Fife staff, used to have seperate info for nurse bank. Your HR department should be able to tell you for sure. Probably should have looked things up before adding my tuppenth worth. Sorry.

*melodyy_mtb* Aaaaaah the thrill of an impending O :happydance:


I'm not even sure I'm in the tww any more. Got a blazing positive opk Monday and temps have fallen. Honestly have no idea whats happening. Never appreciated how lucky I was to have regular cycles before :haha:


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## Caite

Yay for next week Melody.

Keebs - to be fair, NHS HR policies aren't exactly written in the most accessible way. There should be some midwifery jobs coming up by me in September/October time, so if I start trying then, I should be OK (providing I get one of the jobs!). I know one of the nurses I used to work with got pregnant shortly after she finished her training and had just started her first nursing job. She got proper maternity pay as she'd work for the NHS (in a completely different Trust) as a bank HCA through her training.

I keep looking at my younger sister and wondering if she might be pregnant. She's developed a little pot belly and her boobs have grown a lot, despite the fact she has been dieting and says she's lost 5lb (I think!). She is seeing someone and is on the pill, but I don't know how good she is at taking it. I don't want to ask her as I don't want to offend her.


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## KylasBaby

Hey guys 8 dpo here. Bunch of symptoms, but I think those are all the progesterone. My temps are super high which is a good thing. But who knows. I could be getting sick and not know it yet. 

https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/4adb22/thumb.png
My Ovulation Chart


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## somedayisnow

Hi Everyone,

I'd like to join your little group. I'm 41 and hope to get pregnant with my first this year. *crosses fingers, toes, and every other part of my body* :winkwink: I have an appointment with the RE on June 30th for a consultation and to schedule any needed tests. In the meantime I've started daily supplements: prenatal, royal jelly, D3 - 5000 iu, fish oil, and CO Q10. I'm also exercising to get my weight down.

I'm usually a glass empty kind of woman but I'm determined to be nothing but positive about the journey I'm on. I'm just going to surround myself with positivity and ride any waves that come my way. You all are an inspiration. :thumbup:


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## melodyy_mtb

Kyla - Temps are looking good! Not long to go now. Is your lp usually 12/13 days? Lots and lots of baby dust for you :dust: I hope this is it!

somedayisnow - Welcome :hugs: It's great to have you here. I love how this little group has grown so quickly. Everyone is so supportive here. Good luck with your re app on the 30th!


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## Caite

Kylasbaby - high temps are good, aren't they? I really hope you get your BFP. FX!

Somedayisnow - hi. Like Melody said, everyone's lovely here and really supportive. Not too long til your appointment - good luck!


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## melodyy_mtb

Keebs said:


> *melodyy_mtb* Aaaaaah the thrill of an impending O :happydance:
> 
> 
> I'm not even sure I'm in the tww any more. Got a blazing positive opk Monday and temps have fallen. Honestly have no idea whats happening. Never appreciated how lucky I was to have regular cycles before :haha:

I know, I'm so excited, it's been that long! lol.

I wouldnt worry about the pos opk. You know that o tests can also pic up pregnancy :D


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## KylasBaby

Melody - it's usually a minimum of 15 days. I usually have at least a 30 day cycle and I Oed on cd14 so should be around that time frame again. 9dpo today.


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## fairytales87

Hey girls 

I'm just popping on to say I haven't disappeared 
I've been busy busy with major changes going on so currently I'm nothing not wtt just moving my life in a very different direction than I planned for 

I've had a quick browse and things seem to be going in the right direction for most of you :happydance:

Hello to anyone who is new Goodluck to everyone :flower:


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## Caite

Fairytales - that sounds exciting/interesting!


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## Caite

How is everyone? - you all seem really quiet!

Kylasbaby - nearly time for testing I see. I really hope you get a BFP.


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## melodyy_mtb

Heeey Caite. Lol I was away for the weekend in a tiny village in Cambridgeshire learning Reiki. I had no signal! 

Anyway Im good. Got my cervical screening results back. All normal and I'm of low risk! Very excited about seeing my donor on Friday! My opks are getting darker every day I should get a + by friday fx. 

How are you?

Kyla - fx for you! I hope you get your bfp!!!!

Fairytales - I'm intrigued, tell us more when you can :hugs:


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## K.N

Hey lovely ladies! Sorry I've been so absent, I've missed so much hahaa! Welcome keebs and somedayisnow!! Keebs I guess if your going for baby #2 by yourself, that's a good sign for us all!! 

Sounds like everyone is on the right track though, hoping it's all going well! I'll have a proper decent read when I hop on my laptop tomorrow, 

As for me. I wouldn't say I've had a hard time, it's just really taken it's toll on me emotionally. I didn't do any ttc last cycle, I think I ovulated - maybe, but I just wasn't in the right head space to give that month a go. I can't quite describe why; just a feeling. Finding out I could be down the ivf route rather than in home; has really got me thinking. This is so much harder than I thought, I keep doubting myself; trying to work out if this is REALLY what I want, and if this is the right decision for me or now, 21 and going through ivf as a single woman. And I'm like of course it's what I want, I've fought for this for nearly 16 months now, how can I even think about the possibility of giving up? A mix of emotions, a mix of thoughts. I wish there was someone to say, "do it" or "don't do it" - but I guess it's really a choice only I can make. 
I've got an appt with my fertility dr in 2 days anyway :) so I'm just trying not to think too much until that is over. Hopefully with some answers and actual information, I'll be able to think a little clearer :)

Hope your all doing well though x


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## Caite

I'm intrigued too, Melody. It was Fairytales who was texting someone, wasn't it. I bet that's why (not that I'd ever gossip or anything...).

I'm good though thanks, Melody. Had a bump in the car the other week - entirely the other driver's fault - and my car is being written off, so desperately trying to find a suitable replacement. As much as I would love something like a convertible (and a nice pink one would be good!) I need a big, practical car (it's what I have already), so got to find something in the price range that fits my needs. I hate car shopping. I am useless with cars and never know what kind of things to look out for or what questions to ask which don't make me sound like an idiot.

A pos OPK sounds good. Wouldn't it be great of you turned up at your appointment and you were already pregnant? You weekend away sounds relaxing.

KN - I get what you mean about it not being the route you had planned. It's a tough decision - IVF is so invasive and so demanding in your body that suddenly going from insemination (OK, that's not the natural route to pregnant, but it's still private and not demanding on your body, really) to having to consider IVF is a massive jump. Hopefully, you can have a chat about it with your doctor at the appointment and then you can have all the information you need to make the decision.


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## CanadianMaple

I'm so glad to see this group! I was a single mom, met my husband when my son was 2, and he died suddenly last year. We were doing IVF and he died hours after my ER. I have 9 frozen blasts and am going ahead and doing a FET a week from today. I'm really scared but excited too.


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## Caite

CanadianMaple - I'm so sorry about your husband. Good luck with the FET.


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## fairytales87

Canadian maple: Welcome I'm sorry for your loss I hope we can offer you support you need all the girls are lovely and there's always someone around to listen or send a much needed virtual hug:flower:


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## CanadianMaple

Thank you. I'm scared about what it would be like doing this alone, but my son's biofather left us when he was an infant and I did well with him on my own. I didn't meet my husband until he was 2, so I know I can do this. :)

Lining check tomorrow. I hope it's all good to go for next week.


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## melodyy_mtb

KN: Aww I know exactly how you feel. :hugs: There was a time whilst I was discovering all these fertility issues with me, that I questioned if I even wanted to have a baby. But of course we do. The journey may be a little harder and take longer than expected, but that just makes the end result so much more special. <3

I hope you are feeling a bit more positive now. What worked for me was taking each day one at a time. It is a major possibility that i'll need ivf but I'm not even focusing on that yet. You have a wonderful donor and you've managed to be referred to and be seen by a fertility specialist. This is really good progress so far. Our bodies amaze us all the time. Who knows, you might even be pregnant before your next app. The same thing just happened to some friends of mine.

CanadianMaple: Welcome welcome welcome :D So good to have you here. I'm so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine the heartache you've been through, but you are so so brave and strong, doing this on your own. Like fairytales said, everyone is so lovely and supportive here. Gl for next week! 

afm: I'm due to see donor-b tonight. I'm currently on cd15 and last cycle i o'd on cd17. My opk's are still negative but getting darker. I'm hoping I o by Sunday, but if not, I will be seeing donor-a next week lol.

I hope everyone else is ok. Lots and lots of babydust for the ttc-ers this month :dust:


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## fairytales87

KN: I can relate 100% to those worries of am I doing the right thing & is this worth it all infact these worries have made me put off trying a few times!! massive :hugs:

Melody: Fingers crossed for O & a bfp soon 

Caite: I hope you are alright after the car accident :hugs: How's the job hunt going? I just noticed your ticker it's getting so close to you potentially starting to ttc!!!

No ufm at the moment as the forum is public and I don't feel I can share it where everyone can see :-s


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks fairytales, and if you ever want to chat, you know you can pm me x


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## Keebs

*K.N* Hi. Sorry you are having such a tough time, ttc is much akin to putting ourselves through an emotional wringer. It's hard to want something so much and yet have so little control over events (get everything right and still only 20% chance of conception.... aaaaargh, who thought that was a good idea?). I do think it's healthy that, as your path changes, you are reflecting and reassessing what you really want. To doggedly chase something just becuase, is not the way happiness lies.

Hang in there, we are all rooting for you :flower:

*Caite* Ack to a bump! Other drivers scare the bejesus out of me, hope you are ok. Did you find a car? 

*CanadianMaple* Welcome, so sorry to hear of your loss. I agree with melody, you are a very strong woman. Hope the lining check went well and lots of luck and :dust: for next week. I can only imagine how you feel right now :hugs:

*melodyy_mtb* Good luck with donor B tonight, sounds like this could be a prefectly timed donation :happydance:

*fairytales87* You sound excited about events, everything crossed it goes how you want it.


As for me, don't think I've ovulated after all. Temps briefly rose but flatlined ever since. No idea what's going on. Never appreciated how lucky I was to have such regular cycles before. For now I'm just monitoring temps until AF appears. Waiting is pants :coffee:


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## Caite

I'm fine after the bump. Suffered nothing but a slight bruise from the seatbelt which only hurt if I prodded it. I've found a new car now, just waiting for the cheque from the insurance company which should arrive any day now.

To be honest, I'm really enjoying being bank at the moment that I perhaps haven't been as focused on job hunting as I should have been. I feel as though I have, for the first time in years, the ability to actually have a life and not have to plan everything around work. I know some people work shifts their entire working lives, but, including my time as student nurse and a student midwife, I've been working shifts for 9 years and I'm just so tired of them. I don't think I want something with shifts - I want a normal Monday to Friday 9-5 job - and I think until I can find that, I will just stay on the bank. I'm not sure what that is going to mean for TTC - I think I need to save up some money for maternity leave first, as I think I probably did misread the policy - so I think TTC is going to be on hold until some time next year, which is massively disappointing but more practical for me.

Anyway - Melody, FX one of these donations has worked.

Canadianmaple - I hope the scan went well.

Keebs - sorry about ovulation. If it hasn't happened already, I hope it happens soon.


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## CanadianMaple

I forgot to update. My lining check was great. It was at 13 and triple stripe. They just needed it to be at 8. I started IM progesterone injections today. Less than 2 days until my transfer.


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## fairytales87

Caite: I know what you mean about the shifts & banking being a nice wee change I'm the same I'm still looking for my ideal job and if anything I want comes up I will apply if not I will just stay bank the only downside to it is the no maternity leave etc but we can't have everything I guess 
I hope even if you put ttc off until next year your still going to be around here?

Canadian maple: I'm so pleased your lining check went great fingers crossed for a successful transfer Goodluck :hugs:

No update from me as things are too much for a public forum just now and sadly I don't even have any of my girls I can talk to about at the moment and I think my body officially hates me right now too:cry:


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## Caite

Fairytales, I hope things improve for you soon. :hugs:

Yeah, I'm still going to be around. You never know, I might go on NHS jobs next week and find the perfect job! To be honest, I'm not even sure what I want to do at the moment. I love midwifery, hate the shifts - even community involves weekend work. 

Canadianmaple - that's good about your lining. Not long til transfer now then! Exciting!


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## K.N

Hey lovely ladies :) 

I've had my follow up appointment, where my fertiity specialist had over looked my file - and decided that he'd rather me give IUI an attempt prior to beginning IVF; But also advised 3 months of metformin, and then 3 months of clomid - and hope that either of those 6 months is successful. The waiting list currently for IUI is 20 months, and IVF even longer (insanely long!!) - So I'm on the waiting list, I decided I'd rather be on the list - and drop off it if anything happened between now and then, otherwise if I waited; that 20 month wait isn't going anywhere. Will do a bit more of an update a bit later, but will probably be on my blog rather than here :) But feel free to check if you want too x
I'm going to try be more active though now that I've got some answers; I'm feeling a lot better about myself and my choices. 

Fairytales - Understandable; if you ever want to talk in private; feel free to pm me if you want :) Here for you!! :hugs:

Canadianmaple - Welcome to this forum :) So sorry to hear of your loss though, couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for you! If you already had the frozen blasts, does that mean that this baby will be your husbands? You definitely can do this - us woman are so much stronger than people give us credit for! Hope that everything goes well x

Caite - Scary! Other drivers are so bad sometimes huh! Just today we nearly got sidewiped by another car! We were driving on a straight road where a turning car decided to turn right into us; and completely skip the medium strip to merge into traffic! Probably hard to imagine; I don't know what the roads are like over there - but it was pretty freaky! Lucky the driver of our car had quick thinking and a loud horn!!

Keebs - You're so right, your words of wisdom!! 20% of conception is insane huh, with assisted conception too. Sigh! Thanks so much for support though! At the moment you ladies are all I've got - So it means so much! xxx

Melody - Any idea on how your donor meeting went, did you ovulate properly etc?
I hope you ovulated - being that it's now Tuesday :D Two week wait starts huh, longest 2 weeks ever are these ones! Those non ttcers really don't understand how much a single day can mean!


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## CanadianMaple

My FET is today! I have been up since 4:30am. I'm both nervous and excited. I think I am more worked up about everything I have to do before I go. I still need to meet a nurse friend my my progesterone shot and and go into work for a bit. I need to rely on others to get my son from his little morning day camp to a babysitter's. Antibiotics are in. Estrogen gel is on. I just have to drink water on the way to the clinic...the transfer is at noon.

Funny you asked about if my husband is the father. We actually struggled with IF. He had azoospermia and had a sperm extraction procedure 2 days before he passed away. They didn't find any sperm and we went with our donor backup. He was so at peace with it all, I feel so sad that he didn't even know we got so many embryos. He totally got me here. :)


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies :hugs:

*CanadianMaple* Good luck with your FET today. Try not to let it get you down, that you're doing this alone. I'm sure your husband is watching over you, making sure everything goes ok. He'd be so proud of you. You're so brave. That was great news about your lining. I'm really excited for you. Lots and lots of babydust coming your way hun. :dust:

*Keebs* Oh hun, I hope you did o! I know that feeling,thinking you're going to have a normal cycle and that you o'd but only to have it go on and on, waiting for af. Stay positive though. It aint over until af shows her ugly head lol.

*Caite* Glad you found a new car! I'd be the same as you, not knowing what questions to ask etc. Anyway, i hope you find a permanent job soon. :hugs:

*KN* IUI? That's good. At least your doctor sees the potential in you conceiving semi-naturally. And anyway, 6 months gives you hopefully 6 tries with meds... I think you'll be seeing that BFP waaay before 6 months is up! I cant wait to get on clomid or metaformin lol. I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Just remember to relax, and put your needs first. Stress free is the key to a bfp :haha: I cant tell you how goood it feels to not stress over constant charting etc. Just take each day as it comes. 

AFM Met my donor last Friday, which went really well, he's great. My opks were getting darker, so I was sure o was approaching. Going by last cycle, I should have o'd by last sunday. But I should know better than to think my womb would play nice lol. 

I never got my pos opk, but my temp seems to be rising. So either I o'd and the opk didnt pick it up, or my temp is just fluctuating and im not yet in the tww as I havent o'd yet. The third possibility, which is the depressing one is that I'm not going to o at all this month and my cycle will go on for weeks :( Hopefully that wont happen.

I'm praying that I o'd or that I will soon. I'm still testing, luckily my donors are both on standby, so if i see a pos opk, i can call them straight away. I'll let you ladies know if ff confirmed o or not. 

I hope everyone else is ok. Haven't heard from a few people in a while <3


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## CanadianMaple

Thank you Melodyy! I hope you get your pos OPK soon! I had long cycles like that with my PSOS and it just to drive me nuts.

The FET is done. Now I need to wait until July 7 for my first beta. The FET was easy, other than the really full bladder they make you have.


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## melodyy_mtb

Yeah its so frustrating, it can get me really down. But aww thanks, I hope so too.

So happy your FET went well. FX for the 7th of July. Keep us posted.

:dust:


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## Caite

Canadianmaple - I'm so excited you've had your FET. I really hope it went well and that it worked.

KN - that's good that your doctor is having you try 'naturally' before doing anything more invasive, and that s/he thinks you will only need IUI. I'm with Melody - I'm sure you'll get your BFP long before the 6 months. And I kind of think I know what you mean about the road. I live fairly rural, so there are mostly little country roads with one main road by me. The nearest dual carriageway is probably about 15 minutes drive away and I'm miles (absolutely miles) from a motorway, so the road markings are all very basic.

Melody - I do hope this cycle is on track for you. Did you get a donation the other day anyway, just in case? Did you receive that book yet? Have you read it? What did you think about it?

I've been working hard this week - done about 40 hours in the last couple of days. I'm trying to work more hours so I can start saving money, which I will use for if I don't get a permanent job and therefore don't have decent maternity pay (obviously assuming I get a BFP when I start TTC!).


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## unicornwish

Hi ladies 
Just heard about this thread & wanted to introduce myself, I'm 32, single & straight. Have a 3 year old son who was conceived in a relationship which has now ended & would like to complete my family using an anonymous donor (most probably through IUI). 
I have had ovulation issues in the past but my son was conceived on my first cycle of clomid. 
I've only got as far as looking at UK clinics (the London sperm bank seems best bet).
Planning to go ahead maybe late autumn/early winter?
Looking forward to sharing my journey & offering support &#128522; x


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## somedayisnow

Hi Everyone,

I have my first appointment with an RE tomorrow. Finally! It's a consultation so I don't know if all we're going to do is talk or if he's going to have me take a few tests. Anyway, I'm bringing a list of the supplements I currently take plus ones I plan to take. Even if he doubts their value, I'm still going to take them as long as he agrees that they won't hurt me or my chances to get pregnant.

From what I've heard and read about him, he's nice, sensitive, and completely competent. He runs the clinic so that's a plus and since I live in LA I figure he's used to treating women in their 40s. *crosses fingers*

Is it crazy that I don't want to have my first IUI until September/October? I know being 41.5 means that time is of the essence but I want to make sure that I have at least 3 full months of prental vitamins (and all the rest of the supplements) in my system before I get pregnant (this is me being positive). I also want to begin fertility acupuncture starting the first week of July. I just want to make sure that my body is as healthy and prepared as it can be for the first IUI with donor sperm. Also are there specific questions I should ask the RE?


----------



## Caite

Somedayisnow - I don't think it's crazy that you want to get a few months of supplements in first. I guess the fact that you're in your 40s makes it even more important that you do as much as possible to prepare for a pregnancy, and a 3 months wait isn't really that long.

Unicornwish - welcome to our little thread. I'm wanting to go the clinic route but was put off using a UK clinic for a few reasons. Firstly they are really expensive and secondly, I wanted an anonymous donation. Anonymous donation is not available in the UK, children have the right to find out the name and details of the donor at 18 (or 16 of getting married). I've been looking in to clinics abroad and I think I will use one in Denmark. From what I remember when I was looking at different countries, Spain also does anonymous donations for single women.


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## melodyy_mtb

*Caite* I haven't had a chance to read it yet, I've been so busy! But it looks good. Aww thanks, yeah I hope so too. I did manage to get a donation so fx. Hope you're not exhausted from all those shifts, but it's good you're able to start saving up for ttc :happydance:

*unicornwish* Welcome :hugs: Always great to see a new face. I think its great that you're wtt your second one and that you're doing it on your own. I've heard wonderful things about the London Fertility Clinic. I look forward to following you on your journey. x

*somedayisnow* Its not crazy at all. That's why a lot of women are wtt. I spent years researching and months taking supplements etc before I began ttc. Let us know how your RE app went. I've got my first on Friday so I'm not sure what questions you should ask sorry. GL x


Ahhh I'm freaking out ladies! My first official fertility app is on Friday and I just realised, I have no idea what I'm going to say about my donor! My doctor knows that I'm ttc on my own, but I wonder if the clinic are going to want to see/speak to my donor. I've been reading about all the fertility tests they need. I've done all my ones, but what about sperm analysis? I'd rather involve my donor as little as possible. Should I just say I'm using a sperm bank? lol I've actually seen my donor's sperm results, so I guess I could just say it's a friend and that I've already seen the results :wacko: What if they turn me away? I know that Im the one with fertility issues, so hopefully they wont want to talk about him much. :wacko:

Oh and it looks like I'm having another anovulatory cycle :( No pos opks and my temps aren't changing. If i go by my last cycle, AF is due on Thursday so i pray that it comes, because usually my anovulatory cycles can be extra extra long :(


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## somedayisnow

Hello Ladies! I already posted most of this in the over 35 section but figured I can put this here too.

I had my first appointment with an RE today and it went better than I expected. To be honest, I thought he'd be all doom and gloom about my age (41) but he wasn't. Of course, age was part of the conversation but we spent the majority of time going over my health history and creating a plan of action.

It wasn't until today that I realized that I was already labeling myself as having fertility problems when my fertility is really unknown at this point. I have an ultrasound tomorrow to check for fibroids (just a precaution) and the HSG will take place in July. I think I'm having the blood test for AMH and FSH done this week too. It's both amazing and scary just how fast everything seems to be moving.

My doctor's plan is to try an unmedicated IUI first. If that doesn't work he'll put me on Clomid for cycle 2. Around cycle 4 or 5 he'll have me do both Clomid and a trigger shot. Hopefully, I'll be one of the lucky ones and not need to get to cycle 4 or 5.


----------



## CanadianMaple

It looks like my FET was a failure. 8dp5dt and BFN. Everyone else in my TTC group that transferred the same day as me got their BFPs a few days ago. I'm having a hard time coping without Chris by my side. He always had a way about him that kept me sane when I was disappointed.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Aww hey *CanadianMaple* Don't let it get you down just yet. I know that the other women who had their transfer the same time got their BFPs but everyone really is different. It might just take a few more days for yours to show. It's never over until af shows. I'm sure your husband is watching over you but you're so brave, you can handle more than you give yourself credit for. I've got everything crossed for you hun! :hugs:

*somedayisnow* GL with your upcoming IUI x


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## Caite

CanadianMaple - that would only make you the equivalent of 13dpo I guess? Maybe it's still a little early?

Somedayisnow - that sounds like a really positive appointment, and you've got a plan of action, which is great. Everything seems to be happening really quickly then, with all the tests you've got planned.

Melody - I'm not sure about what sort of questions you should ask. Maybe ask about their experience of treating single women - I know when I looked at UK clinics a few years ago, they had to go to multi-disciplinary meetings to agree you would be a suitable mum if you were single. What there success rates are for women in your exact situation (eg not always ovulating). Are you being NHS-funded or paying privately (you've probably said before, but I've forgotten - sorry!)? You could ask about the waiting list for treatment, and (if you're going via the NHS) what the private waiting list is like. If you're paying, do they have any payment plans available, or any ways to make it more affordable? I know someone who had IVF and it hardly cost her a thing as she shared half her eggs with another woman. The cost of any drugs needed. Whether you will have all the procedures/appointments with the same person and at the same location? What sort of support is available emotionally/psychologically, if that is important to you? If you go down the IVF route, would they freeze any fertilised eggs (if that's what you want) in case you wanted a whole sibling (as opposed to a half sibling if the donor changed his mind about donating again) and what their policy is on that. (I've just realised I've given you quite a long list - they are a lot of the questions I think I will be asking when I finally start TTC). Regarding the donor, if the clinic know you are doing this as a single woman, you'd probably be best asking their advice about it. Would he be prepared to have a sperm analysis if needed? Or would you be open to using a sperm bank?


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## unicornwish

Thank you for the welcomes ladies. 
*Catie* u are right about how expensive UK clinics are- it works out at £1200 per attempt for a medicated cycle, which I would most probably need due to ovulation issues in the past. The initial consultation alone is £300. I think the very most I would be able to afford would be two attempts. 
I have heard about overseas clinics but difficult for me to go overseas due to my son. 
Can I be really nosey and ask why u have decided to go it alone? I understand if u don't want to answer. With me I just feel like my clock is ticking (if I was 5 years younger I wouldn't be as bothered) plus I'm sick to the back teeth of bad relationships & emotional stresses & just feel this is the best way for me. 
*Canadianmaple* keep us posted.


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## somedayisnow

Melody- how was your appointment? What did you decide to them about your donor?

CanadianMaple - you're going to get your baby. I just know it.

I still haven't picked my donor from the sperm bank. Maybe I'm making the decision harder than it needs to be but I have to do it soon. I actually have a small committee made up of friends who are going to help me. I'm going to give them 10 potential donors and they're going to rank them. :haha:


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## CanadianMaple

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. I know it's a BFN but getting the official beta is going to suck. :( It doesn't sound like they will let me go back in the pill without taking a cycle off either. That means a second attempt before school starts is totally out of the question. 

TTC is so much harder when you're alone. You have no one who is equally as invested in it to cheer you on or cheer you up. :(


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## Caite

Unicornwish - I've never met a man whom I could see as being the father to my future babies. Some of my friends have become single parents after splitting up with their partners and it is just so difficult that if I haven't found the perfect man to be the father of my future children, I'd rather do it on my own from the outset. If I met this man tomorrow, though, I would definitely go the traditional route, even though it would mean waiting a couple of years.

Canadianmaple - Good luck for tomorrow.


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## CanadianMaple

Confirmed BFN. :( I'll be back if I get to do another cycle before school starts again in Sept. If not, it will probably be a few months. Thank you so much for your support.


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## Caite

Canadianmaple, I'm so sorry. :hugs:


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## unicornwish

So sorry canadianmaple, sending you hugs x

Catie I can understand that, I've just become so disillusioned with men & relationships in general. I'm probably partly influenced by the fact that I had a really traumatic & unstable childhood with my dad leaving & then returning for years, him & my mum had been married for 17 years with two kids & she found out he was having an affair & was totally shocked. So just goes to show even what seems like an ideal situation can go wrong. I always said I would be ok if he had just left & I never saw him again but they kept getting back together & then splitting again, this went on for 9 years & the inconsistency nearly killed me. At least this way my child will always have stability & can't be hurt or affected by a father growing up. 
People say to me I shouldn't be considering donation & that I don't know who I'm going to meet, but I have absolutely no faith in finding a decent partner after my past experiences. I could be waiting forever & will be 33 next birthday. People in this day & age are so selfish I see no point in holding out just to get let down. Would rather take control of my own life & hopefully be a happier & more settled person as a result


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## Caite

I can understand where you're coming from, Unicornwish. I don't think it's because I'm disillusioned with men at all - I would love to meet a nice man - but I've yet to meet one whom I could see myself having children with.


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## Keebs

*Caite* Hope your perfect job turns up soon. Delaying ttc is a heartbreaking decision but it's unlikely you'll regret it when you are able to spend more time at home with your baby. I started my mat leave on my due date and still had to return when dd was just under 7 months old... aaaarggh the mummy guilt was (and still is) huge. 


*K.N* Great news! That is a heck of a wait forIUI, but I agree better to be on the list and drop off than not. Fingers crossed you won't need the IUI :flower:

So glad you are feeling more positive about things.

*melodyy_mtb* Aaaargh, how frustrating. Do you have any answers yet? Hope the meeting with your specialist went well. Did you end up telling them about your donor? :hugs:


*unicornwish* Hi. Great that you are wtt your second. Try and ignore the naysayers, as you say, there are a great many positives about ttc as a single lady. 

I concieved my dd using a known donor when I was 36. It was only by accident I stumbled across the possibility to be honest, I'd given up all hope of motherhood precisely because I wasn't prepared to be in just any old relationship.

Looking forward to followingyour journey :flower:


*somedayisnow* How are the tests going? It's true that many women remain very fertile well into their 40's yet it's so drummed into us that 35 is the magic number we automaticaly start to panic. I know I did, was so worried I was past it at 36 :haha: now I'll be anywhere from 39 to 40 and laugh at my earlier fears because now I'm _really_ worried :rofl:


*CanadianMaple* So very sorry :hugs: Hope they let you try again before the holidays are up.



as for me. Eurgh, don't think I'm fertile at all at the moment. Have started taking vitex, night weaning my little boobie monster and drinking rrl tea by the gallon. Also taking pre conception vitamins and coQ10. Temps still flatlining though and very low. C'mon body, get yourself together and help make me a baby :brat:


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## somedayisnow

Keebs, you crack me up. :haha: Oh to be 36 again!

unicornwish, I decided to go the donor route because Mr. Right never showed up and I didn't know where to find him. :shrug: Also I can't see myself never trying to have a child. I will be a mother, one way or the other. 

canandianmaple, I'm sorry things didn't work out this time but I truly believe you will get your BFP.

My HSG is scheduled for next Tuesday. Then I have a follow up with my RE on June 30th to finalize the plans for what I'm calling, "Operation Baby Drop." *no eggs will be harmed in the making of this human* :baby: Hopefully all of my test results will come back in my favor so I can get started.

And finally I tried temping for the first time this morning and failed miserably. My alarm went off and the first thing I did was heat the snooze button - repeatedly. :sleep: This is going to be a lot harder than I thought. :dohh:


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## melodyy_mtb

Hello everyone :hugs:

It's been a few days. My appointment was a huge disappointment but mostly because of my own expectations. I wont go into it too much but basically it was more of a glorified chitchat with the nurse. I wont get to see my actual consultant until September. No meds or anything. She seemed to think I'd have trouble getting clomid etc because I'm using an "unregistered sperm donor", but she wasnt 100% sure. I could have lied and said Im trying with my bf but I panicked and told the truth lol. 

Besides walking out of there empty handed, the thing that upset me the most is that she's issued more blood tests. I know for a fact I did these tests right before my appointment but she tried to convince me that I hadn't. I mean, just admit to losing the results, i'd have appreciated the honesty. So I need to do (another) rubella and (another) FSH/LH test. I also have to book a HSG once my next cycle starts. The good news is that because of my history of long cycles. They'll be willing to prescribe me Provera if AF doesn't show by the 21st of this month. She also advised me to start thinking of my options ie IVF :wacko:

*somedayisnow* Hows the selection process going? Its good that you have a panel of friends to help you choose hehe.

*CanadianMaple* Hun I'm so sorry your FET was unsuccessful :( I really hope you can try before school but if not... it just wasn't meant to be. I often believe that babies almost want to be born at certain times. Maybe you're little bubba just wants to arrive during a specific month. Thinking of you loads. x

*Keebs* Lol I know how you feel. I didnt o at all this cycle. Felt like it was coming them bam! Nothing. Lol our bodies are insane I hope the Vitex and tea helps. It can take a little while for it to regulate your cycles. Stick with it, you will get your BFP!!!


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## Caite

Melody - I'm sorry your appointment was a disappointment, and that you've got to have the bloods done again. How can they have lost the results? Surely they'll be on a computer system somewhere? How do you feel about the possibility of IVF? 

What's a HSG?

Somdayisnow - that would be another reason I wouldn't be able to temp - I always hit the snooze button as many times as I can. This morning, I didn't get up until 6.15 (alarm set for 5.30!), had a shower and got to work (25 minute drive) for 7am, which I thought was quite good.

Keebs - Late 30s/40 isn't old to be having a baby. I've looked after a number of women in their 40s having their first baby. The oldest I've personally looked after was a 49 year old first time mum, who, from what I remember, had conceived naturally. I know it doesn't mean that every woman of that age will be that fertile, but I guess it gives women of that age some reassurance.


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## somedayisnow

*melody*, is she suggesting that you skip IUI and go right to IVF? Also is there some way you can covertly find out the policy on using unregistered sperm donors that way you can get your story straight before September?

*Caite*, temping went a little smoother this morning. I was still tired as heck but at least I didn't hit the snooze button this time. That said, I did go back to sleep and didn't wake again until after 11 AM. :dohh: It's a good thing no one was looking for me in the office today.

I spent the rest of the afternoon picking up my prescription for the antibiotics I need to take for my HSG and then raking over my donor list. Step #1 is complete. My initial list of 23 donors have been whittled down to 12. Tomorrow night, is step #2: a friend of mine is a pediatrician and she's going to go over the donor medical info forms and advise me who and who not to choose. :spermy: Of course there are no guarantees and I will love the child I get but I figure I might as well use all "experts" at my disposal to further narrow down my list. In the end, my gut will tell me who's right for me. :kiss:


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## Rags

Keebs, I think you're right to night ween to get your cycle back on track. I had no af for well over a year after DS was born which was really frustraiting as I was hoping to try again but quickly aproaching 43 at the time. In the end he night weened and af was back within a few weeks and fairly regular after a couple of cycles. Unfortunately I didn't manage to conceive number 2 but IUI has an incredably limited sucess rate from 43 so I knew it was unlikely - which is why I'd hoped to try earlier. 
This is a big part of the reason I am always happy to see so many people on here starting younger and not sitting waiting on your body clocks to wind down, you give yourself the option of having a sibling.

Somedayisnow. Good luck with your donor decision. Prior to opting for NHS treatment and donor I spent a lot of time looking through profiles from a clinic choosing who I thought would be the best. There was one person who I thought would be a fab bio dad but he had ticked the box saying he wouldn't allow his details to be disclosed to any child at 18. I am so glad I went down the route I did now. I have recently found out through my clinic that my sons donor has been in touch with then to say that he has had an asymptomatic congenital heart problem picked up during a routine work health screening (no one else in his family history has had any heart problems) and for them to pass this information on to anyone who conceived thanks to him. It is incredably reasuring to know that when he decided to take on the role of a donor he was truely commited to it and that it was not a financial thing - my clinic only pay expenses to the donor. 
My darling son is fine and can be screened in the future, meantime it's life as usual.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aloha ladies lol. I hope you're all having a nice relaxing Sunday. Where's everyone at in their cycles? I wanna know everything hehe <3

As you can tell, I'm in quite a good mood. I get like this occasionally. After the stress of ttc get's me so down that I can't possibly get any lower, I suddenly get a rush of energy and feel ready to fight again. I'm going to war with my cysts and unruly womb. Operation :bfp: is back on track! 

I'm currently cd38. Using my last cycle, I should have o'd on cd17, AF would have been due cd30. I still got my donation but never actually got a + opk. I was preparing myself for another lengthy annovulatory cycle, then randomly a few days ago (cd35) I got a pos opk! :wacko: Thankfully I managed to get a few donations (day of, day after etc). Super lucky. I also experienced quite bad o pain, so fx it finally happens :happydance:

*Caite* I know right! I thought everything was done on computers these days. The only other option (and it's something the nurse sort of let slip) they may have mistook my recent test results for older ones and so chose to disregard them. Oh well, these things happen I guess. 

A HSG is when a dye is inserted into your uterus to flow through your Fallopian tubes. They then take x-rays to check for blockages and injuries that might prohibit you from conceiving. I got it mixed up, I'm actually having a HYCOSY, which is when they inject a gel/water mixture into your uterus to see if it squirts out through your Fallopian tubes and out the other side. This checks for blockages. 

*somedayisnow* I'm not sure. To be honest, I didn't retain a lot of information from my appointment, as I was a bit too emotional/disappointed. I think she was just trying to get me to think of all my options. I cant find any concrete evidence online on how the way I'm choosing to ttc will effect my access to medication. My donor says that he will stick with me through all this fertility stuff so that's good. I think I'm just going to continue to be honest and pray that that doesnt harm my chances.

I'm so glad you managed to scale your list down to 12 candidates. Sounds like you've got the best people around you helping. You're so lucky! I hope your HSG goes well :hugs:


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## somedayisnow

So this morning I took the first of my antibiotics for my upcoming HSG and it made me nauseous and I couldn't keep it down. The instructions say to take them on an empty stomach but there's no way that's happening again. Hopefully the 2nd pill will stay down with lots of food. I'll find out in a few hours. 

I got my AMH results back and they're not good: .65 equals low ovarian reserve. So after I had a little pity party for myself I went ahead and made an appointment for acupuncture. I went yesterday and really liked it. The acupuncturist was very encouraging and gave me hope. I'll be seeing her twice/week.

My donor selection pool is now at the final six (I think). :winkwink: My friends have been great. Each have told me that they feel honored to be part of the process. 

*melody*, I'm loving your positive attitude. There's just so low one can get before they pull themselves back together again and renew the fight. Like you, I'm a fighter too. :trouble: 

*Rags*, My first choice for a donor is open to having his information disclosed when my child is 18. The other 5 potential donors are a mix of open and anonymous.

Hoping for future BFPs for us all. :baby:


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## unicornwish

Hi ladies hope everyone is well? 

Keebs & somedayisnow- where are u both currently with your plans? Are u using a known donor again keebs or anonymous this time? How old is your daughter? 

Sorry just trying to keep up with everyone as this thread is so long!

Melody I hope your HSG goes well! I was told by my GP I would have to have one before I could be prescribed clomid again to try for a second pregnancy & it really annoyed me because as far as I'm aware I only have ovulation issues. I was prescribed clomid straight away by a different doctor after my 21 day progesterone showed I wasn't ovulating & I fell the first month I took it on 50mg which is a low dose. Frustrated me that they were saying I had to have HSG when I had fallen pregnant fine with just the clomid before. I have heard u can be a lot more fertile after an HSG though so I guess it's not a bad thing!


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## somedayisnow

Hi unicorn,

I honestly have no idea when I'll have my first IUI. Maybe August? September? I have an HSG on Tuesday and on July 30th an appointment with my RE to go over the results of my bloodwork, ultrasound, and HSG. Then maybe he'll have me take a FSH test? I don't know. In the meantime, I'm trying to concentrate on the things in my control like nutrition, supplements, exercise, and reducing stress (easier said than done). Where are you on your journey?


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## Caite

Melody - you are definitely seeming very positive. That's good and a massive change from how you have been lately! Those procedures don't sound the most pleasant, but I guess it's done under general, and I guess if they improve your fertility then that's a bonus.

Somedayisnow - can you take the antibiotics in another form which you might find more palatable? Most are available as a suspension.

I got a little extra broody the other day. I went to visit my new baby cousin, who is absolutely adorable, and had cuddles. It was nice to have cuddles with a baby I hadn't made cry for once by doing the baby check/weigh. My mum said I looked so natural and comfortable holding him - to be honest, it would be a bit worrying if I looked/felt awkward holding a baby.


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## Keebs

*somedayisnow* Is your HSG tomorrow? Good luck :flower:

How is the temping going? I find it incredibly useful (if more than little frustrating at present.... ovulation WHERE ARE YOU!!!! :growlmad:) but working shifts and having a toddler mean I'm rarely able to get the requisite 3 hours sleep before hand. However, it turns out that any period of inactivity (around an hour) produces similar temps to those after a proper sleep for me. Every woman is different, some can temp any time, for some even a 15min deviation causes wild fluctuations. 

Sorry your AMH was lower than hoped, but it's only a measure of reserve, not quality so you are definitely focusing on all the right things :thumbup: Does your specialist think it will affect anyting re IUI? I thought it was only of use in IVF, and there is emerging evidence that you need to take FSH levels into account before any true meaning can be attached (e.g. normal levels of FSH with AMH > 0.6 is far more encouraging than same with elevated levels of FSH or AMH < 0.6). 

EEeeeee, I am so excited for you anyway. August or September really isn't that far away.

Definitely interested in how the accupuncture goes. How do you find a good one, they are thin on the ground round my neck of the woods.

*melodyy_mtb* :hugs: Sorry your appointment was pants, but great to hear you are feeling positive now. 

Odd rule on meds and donors, definitely push them for their rationale if that is the case. Surely they either treat you or they don't? Maybe a private clinic would be more amenable to helping :shrug:

Kind of hard to start thinking of your options if you don't yet know what they might be. I think you'll find a lot more clarity once you see the consultant themselves... my experience of nurses (and I am one, although hopefully a fair and rational one) is that they often let personal feelings and opinion form the basis of their care. Dr's much more fact based.

Although, looks as though you got some veery timely donations and may never need to meet with said specialist :happydance: C'mon BFP!!! Are you poas addict or do you wait until after AF would have shown before testing? I confess I love the thrill of other peoples tww :haha:

*Caite* Aww, thanks. It definitely helps to hear of natural pregnancies in later years. I really wish I'd done midwifery instead of nursing, but, too late now eh. 

New baby cuddles. Squeeeeeee :cloud9: Any thought on when you will be able to ttc yet? Just a thought but have you investigated how tax credits will help on maternity leave? They still class you as working for the 1st nine months.

*Rags* I know that feeling of frustration well. So sorry you didn't get your second baby, and I do worry I will be in the same boat. I've swithered over weaning for the last year but it seems wrong to remove something she is still so relient on for something that may never happen. Night weaning is a compromise at present, going much better than expect though, not nearly as traumatic (for either of us) as I had expected.

*unicornwish* Hi, I am using the same donor I used with my 1st. One of my criteria when selcting was that they would be willing to donate again (if able) for a sibling. He is also open to meeting my dd any time she wishes, now or in the future. Actually he asked to meet her recently but we've not yet found the time :blush:

My daughter was two on Saturday past, time is just flying in. 

Is your GP able to prescribe clomid? Are you having an HSG or looking elsewhere. Considering medicine is supposed to be evidence based it's frustrating the lack of consistancy between providers.


As for me. Well. Day 49 of this cycle and counting :nope: 

My neice is 6 months younger than dd and watching them play together the other day really confirmed that I don't want a huge age gap between kids. Not entirely sure mother nature agress with me though :haha:


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## Keebs

PS I _REALLY_ need to post here more often. Mamoth psot above. Sorry.


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## melodyy_mtb

So hopefully I'm in the tww! :D I'm off to Barcelona next week so that should keep my mind off things.

*somedayisnow* Thanks hun. We're definitely all fighters! Sometimes it's the only way to approach ttc, like you're going to war lol. 

I'm sorry to hear about your amh results :( But it sounds like you're doing an amazing job preparing your body for pregnancy, and taking care of your stress levels. Good luck with your HSG. I hope the nausea stopped. :hugs:

*unicornwish* Aww I feel your frustration hun. I want my drugs now! lol. I hope you're right about the hsg making you more fertile. I'm having a hycosy which is similar I think. Where are you at with everything? I hope you dont have to go through months of testing before you get your clomid. 

*Caite* Thanks hun <3 Aww I haven't held a baby in years. I cant imagine how broody that must have made you. Not long to go now. till you can jump on this ttc train! lol

*Keebs* Yeah it can be a bit overwhelming when you'r away from the forum for a few days and find yourself writing pages and pages to try to catch up with everyone. 

I'll definitely push for the rationale as you say. It makes me feel a bit better hearing from an actual nurse :hugs:. The one I met was lovely but I realise now that the first fertility app isnt very productive for anyone. I'm looking forward to seeing the consultant in September. Hopefully he'll be a typical male doctor and just prescribe me something lol. I hope I dont need to go down the private clinic route, but I will if i have to. Anyway fx I wont need any of that! I'm definitely a poas addict. I pee on anything I can get my hands on, but I'm taking it easy this month... hopefully. 

I hope your little girl had a great birthday! Aww seeing both kids must have made you soooo broody. I hope you o soon or something happens, I know exactly how you feel. The cycle before my last one got up to 60 days! In the end I started drinking parsley tea to try bring on af lol. I think it actually worked.


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## Caite

Keebs - I've been having a think about the finances. If I can overpay on my mortgage enough for the next six months or so, then I won't have to pay that amount when I'm on maternity leave (being positive here!). If I didn't have to pay the mortgage, I could probably get by financially. So, I'm guessing it'll be early next year that I think about TTC. Which isn't too bad. And if I find my dream job in the meantime, I'll be able to start sooner.

Anyway, I did nursing first and have done the 18 month midwifery. It was a bit daunting at first that we had to get the same numbers as the 3 year girls, but we all did. The other girls on the course were aged between 22/23ish up to about 45, so it's not too late.

Melody - Barcelona sounds like a nice little distraction. It's funny - when I hold a baby at work, it does not make me broody in the slightest. I kind of just become the professional me. But outside of work, I go so gooey around babies. My new little cousin is so adorable he definitely made me broody.

Eww, don't start talking about the parsley tea again Melody. It'll bring back bad memories of the flavour!


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## melodyy_mtb

Ah I guess you can separate your professional self from your baby crazy self lol. The fact that the baby is related to you must make you go extra gooey as well. 

Hahaha that Parsley tea was awful wasn't it?! :haha: I hope I don't have to go there again.

Decided to start temping again and got a 36.82 Celsius this morning! My last temp (pre suspected o) was 36.28c eeek. I hope this is a good sign :happydance:


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## fairytales87

Melody All is looking good for you fingers crossed x


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## melodyy_mtb

fairytales87 said:


> Melody All is looking good for you fingers crossed x

Thank you hun. Hope everything's good with you. Thinking of you :hugs:


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## somedayisnow

I just got back from having the HSG and thank God it didn't live up to the horror stories I heard about it. I'm not saying it was a walk in the park but more like having the worst cramps of your life in short bursts. The worst part is when they shoot the dye in. So my tubes are clear :happydance:, although my right one is a little lazy. It took a bit for the dye to flow through while the dye shot through my left tube at break neck speed.

Next step for me is to wait for 7/30 for my next RE appointment. That's when I'll learn the results of my ultrasound (fingers crossed), we'll talk about my old ass eggs and what to do with them, and hopefully he won't tell me that my only hope is IVF.

How are you ladies doing today? :flower:


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## Caite

Somedayisnow - I didn't realise you'd be awake for the HSG! Doesn't sound too pleasant. 2 weeks until your appointment that's not too bad.

Melody - back when I was a student nurse, I had a maternity placement. I was so broody as I didn't have the professional experience to be professionally detached. Could you imagine how bad that would make me feel now, if every baby I saw at work made me even broodier?

Anyway, I was talking to my best friend last night and she told me they're going to be inducing her earlier than normal, maybe as early as next week (when she'll be 37+ weeks, I think), so there's going to be another baby for me to cuddle and get broody over.


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## unicornwish

Melody, keebs & somedayisnow- all I've done so far is look in to donation from a private clinic. I'm aiming for jan/feb next year when I will be turning 33 and my son will be turning 4. I don't really want to leave it any later than that because of both mine and my son's age. 
Between now and then I need to most importantly save! As it will be costing around £1200 per IUI attempt. That is for a medicated cycle (would be cheaper at around £850 per attempt otherwise) but due to my past ovulation issues I think it would be a bigger waste of money in the long run if they are inseminating me but I'm probably not ovulating! 
With the medicated cycle you are constantly monitored so they know the exact time to inseminate etc.
The initial consultation is £295 where they perform scans, tests etc. I may look at going for that around oct/nov. I will also be looking to get my body & health in good shape around then. So this is kind of a waiting phase at the moment but having something to focus on helps. 
I'm glad your HSG went well somedayisnow and that your tubes are clear &#128077;
Keebs sounds like u have a great arrangement with your donor, wish I had one the same!


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## SpudsMama

Ooo, I've been on BnB for years but didn't know this group existed! 

I'm Emma, a single mum by choice to Phoebe who will be two on August 26th :) She was conceived with donor sperm via at home artificial insemination. It took 15 months but we got there in the end!

After feeling broody for a while, I finally decided to try for #2 in April. I was first time lucky with my new donor (Phoebe's donor is such a lovely man but he is now unavailable). Unfortunately it was over before it had even begun really... chemical pregnancy, lost at 4w+5d :( I skipped a cycle because it _really_ knocked me sideways but now I'm back in the game! I got my smiley face on the digital OPK, a load of EWCM and a slight temp dip so I inseminated this afternoon! :happydance: Fingers are very firmly crossed for a sticky :bfp:!! 

Hope everyone is well? :flower:


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## Caite

Hi Spudsmama. It's nice to see there are a few of you now who are doing it again - makes it seem like being a single mum by choice can't be too bad! I'm sorry to hear about your chemical pregnancy, but good luck for this cycle.

Unicornwish, I agree if you weren't ovulating last time then going for a medicated cycle would end up cheaper in the long run.


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## CanadianMaple

Good luck Spudsmama!! Very exciting!

AFM- I've been cleared to do one more FET at the end of August. It happens to fall on the day I go back to work from summer break, but it's just for meetings and I'll be able to pull it off. I'm trying to be optimistic about this try. :)


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## Child2Hold

Hey everyone, :wave:

Sorry I've been MIA. Donor didn't work out and I've found a new one. First donation happens in a few days and I'm nervous as heck. :wacko:

Now to catch up..........


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## Caite

CanadianMaple - that's so exciting you've got the next date arranged already. I do hope you get a BFP this time round.

Child2Hold - sorry your donor didn't work out, but good luck with the donation in a few days time. FX for a BFP for you.


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## melodyy_mtb

*somedayisnow* Congrats on getting through your hsg. I feel like I'm living through you as i'm supposed to have a hycosy next month. The cramping sounds awful. But you did it! Let's hope that what people say about hsg's are true and that you'll be super fertile! I'm sure ivf won't be your 1st option. Most people are ok to try a few iui's first. Good luck with your next RE appointment, I hope everything goes well for you. :thumbup:

*Caite* Lol that would be crazy! I could imagine you crying hysterically every time one of your patients gave birth. :rofl: Good thing you developed a professional nature quickly. So there'll be another baby to cuddle outside of work? Sqweeeee :happydance:

*unicornwish* Oh ok. It's good to get an idea of how these things work, as I may need to move onto iui soon. It's good that you know exactly what you're doing. I'm sure you'll get that BFP quicker than you can say... bfp lol

*SpudsMama* Yaaay a new mama :happydance: It's so great to see how this group has grown. Just goes to show that women are capable of taking charge of their fertility and having their babies on their own. It's extra lovely to see women who have done this successfully already, so much so, they're willing to go through it all again! I'm sorry for you loss Spuds, but it sounds like you're definitely back in the game! Gl for the tww :hugs:

*CanadianMaple* That's great news! I'm so glad you'll get to do another FET in August. Fx for you. I'm routing for you sooooo much! 

*Child2Hold* Hey there hun! I'm so sorry things with your donor didnt work out. It happens to us all :( But that's great you've managed to find another one. Fx for your insemination in a few days :happydance:

Afm: I'm 5dpo (hopefully). Temps are still high, although I'm reeeeally trying not to read too much into it lol.


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## Keebs

*melodyy_mtb* Everything looks very positive so far, hope there's a little beannie snuggling in nice and tight. Enjoy Barcelona.

*Caite* Early next year is not too long at all :flower: You never know, at this rate I may still be wtt then myself.

Thought they'd phased out all the 18 month conversions to midwifery in Scotland. I did look a while back but found nothing online. Such a shame as I never realised what an important and empowering role a midwife has until I was pregnant. 

*somedayisnow* Great news on the HSG and good luck for the 30th. If your old ass eggs are as good as your old ass fallopian tubes then you're sitting pretty no :thumbup:

*unicornwish* Wow, it's not cheep this getting preggers lark is it, can see why you're on a mission to save.

*SpudsMama* Hi Emma, sounds like perfect timing. Fingers crossed!

*CanadianMaple* Eeeep, just squeezing that FET in there. Almost like it's meant to be. Everything crossed for you.

*Child2Hold* Hope your new donor is a keeper. Here's to a timely and stress free donation :flower:


As for me. *sigh* Day 52. FF has given me cross hairs but not convinced. So, I want AF here, but if I did ovulate then I don't want her yet. Aaaaargh. Lots of cramping today but nowt else.

Took dd to see Peppa Pig at the theatre today. She loved it. I spent an hour and a half in purgatory... the downside to single parenting is not having a significant other to palm these horrendous events off on :haha:


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## SpudsMama

Keebs - :hi: You have my sympathy re Peppa Pig World! I have never let Phoebe watch it... far too annoying :blush:

Melody - Good luck for this cycle! We're only four days apart :)

Child2Hold - I hope everything works out with your new donor :flower: The search can be so difficult at times :nope:

Canadian - Good luck for your FET! :hugs:

Caite - Being a single mum can be difficult at times, when you're ill for example and LO has ample amounts of energy :haha: But when it's all you've known I think it makes it easier somehow? I can safely say I have never missed having an OH to help out with the baby :thumbup:


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## Caite

Spudsmama - that's kind of how I'm trying to see it. Being a single mum will just be normal for me. And if someone were to come along in the future, that would just be a bonus. Loads of women manage on their own, my mum did, and you and a few others have come back to do it all again!

Keebs - Next spring/summer isn't too long at all. I've waited long enough as it is, a few extra months (sounds better than saying it may be a year!) is going to be fine. And besides, I don't really have much knowledge of this side of pregnancy - the women are normally about 10 weeks before we meet them - so I feel like I'm learning loads from all you ladies. 

I think you might be right about it having been phased out in Scotland. They've been on about it for years in England and Wales too - at least since I was a student nurse (started in 2005), and courses are still being run. I think one has just been validated for my old uni to start in September. It's such a pity they've been phased out in Scotland because, as a nurse, I think we bring so much knowledge and so many skills from nursing to midwifery which the 3 year girls don't have the chance to practise or develop. On labour ward, anyone who came in with something not necessarily pregnancy related (generally chest pain ?PE), I'd be like 'I'll do it, I'll see her,' because those things don't frighten me. The 3 year girls would be absolutely terrified of them. The doctor was surprised when I told her I'd go and do the ecg, as she was going to do it, and that I had discussed her chest pain (as in pain on inspiration, location etc) rather than just saying chest pain.

Melody - everyone around me is having babies at the moment. Hopefully I'll get to see my little cousin again soon. And my friend won't be too long until she has her baby. I saw her first baby when he was about 12 hours old - at that point, he was the youngest baby I had ever laid eyes on, never mind held. I think I might end up having to drive her to the hospital or babysitting her eldest as her family will be away next week (bad timing!) so there will be just her and this baby's dad. I've got a few other friends who have recently had babies or who are due very, very soon, but they're not really local friends, so I don't see them as much.

Could you imagine crying at every delivery? That would be awful - I go all horrible and red and blotchy and sniffy when I cry. I am completely different at work - I have cried a few times (as a nurse, not over patients though, just when I have gotten really angry with someone/something) - but I'm generally not a crying person at work. But, the other day I was at my mum's watching the 2nd to last episode of How I met Your Mother and I cried over that. I didn't watch the last episode tonight at mum's - I didn't want to cry in front of them, so I'm going to see if it's on 4OD and watch it on my own.

There's a thread on WTT about how much babies cost. No one has answered how much they actually cost, and I have been wondering that myself. So I added everything up and I think, if I'm successful on the first round of IVF, the IVF, drugs, travel and all the baby stuff for the first 6 months should cost around £6500, which isn't as bad as I thought it would be! I'm not sure if I've remembered everything, though! Nearly £4000 of that is the actual IVF, flights and hotel fees.


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## Child2Hold

Thanks ladies! :flower:

Caite - I remember when I first came on the board we were both close to starting (back in March) and we still haven't started. 

:hugs: to those that are having trouble. I wish this was an easy process for us single ladies. Lotsa :dust: on our journeys. 

I've told a few people. My mom and sister have known since day one. I needed their input to keep me sane (not working). My little brother found out inadvertently. The little snoop that he is found my supplies. Then he's all like, "Now I get why the vitamins!" :haha:


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## Caite

I know, I think I started thinking about this about 4 or 5 years ago and there has always been something getting in the way. First off I didn't want it to be done in this country as I wanted it to be anonymous (and it's so expensive in the UK) so it took me a while to find other options. Then I was buying a house, finances, uni. And now I need to either save a lot or get contracted hours. We'll get there child2hold, and it'll be so worth the wait! I still haven't told anyone. You lot are the ones that keep me sane!

Anyway, in addition to getting contracted hours, my mum's just found out she's got to have pretty major surgery. So I need to make sure she is OK after that, and that she can cope financially whilst she is off work recovering. If she can't, then I'm going to have to help her out first before thinking about saving for a baby. It sucks, but I'd rather help my mum out, who is obviously here and needing me now than spending the money she needs on trying for a baby who obviously isn't here (if that makes sense). There is only my sister and me who could help her, and my sister isn't on much more than the minimum wage, so it's going to be down to me.


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## melodyy_mtb

7dpo today. Trying not to ss, but I had the weirdest cramps last night and today. Kind of like a dull ache mixed with twinges. Nothing like af cramping. No spotting or anything. Lol its crazy how often we pee during the tww. I keep wiping like mad :loopy: Can't wait for Barcelona on Monday. I realise this could all be pms symptoms or just a figment of my imagination lol.

*Keebs* I can see you're back on cd1 :( So sorry. But at least it didn't drag on for months. I think your body is just adjusting/getting back to normal after your loss. Fx for this cycle!!! Well done staying sane through Peppa Pig lol.

*SpudsMama* Thanks hun. Sending lot's of babydust :dust: your way. Only 4 days? Hehe fx for us both! 

*Caite* Aww it's so great that you'll be there for your friend. Lol crying at every birth would be insane. But you're so level headed and organised, working out costs etc. Best triple ithe child care costs just to be safe lol. I hope everything goes ok with your mum's operation. :hugs:


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## somedayisnow

Hey ladies! I have to catch up with the thread but hopefully all is well with all of you. I had my second acu session today and the doc said something interesting and encouraging. He said that it will take 3 IUIs for me to get pregnant. I have no idea why he believes this and I don't even know if I believe it but I guess we will see. He also wants me to do 2 IUIs per cycle (a couple of days before ovu and the day of) which my RE is against. My RE says that there is no research to support that more than 1 IUI per cycle increases a woman's chances of conceiving. Honestly, I don't think I can afford more than 1 IUI per month. Since I'm using donor sperm from a bank, it will cost me $700-800 per vial of sperm and that doesn't include what I need to pay the RE. :dohh: Who knew getting pregnant could be so expensive!


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## Rags

Caite, I remember reading all the 'how much it costs to raise a child' stuff when I was thinking about trying and even more so when I was expecting. I have no idea who they are basing there figures on but I can honestly say it can be done on a fraction of what the 'experts' say. Ds and I don't miss out on anything, and haven't had to go all second hand or miss holidays. I work part time and more than halved my salary after having him. As my mum told me when I said I wanted to try 'It doesn't take money to raise a child, it takes love and time'. You are already full of the love just waiting to pass it on, the time bit you have to make yourself.


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## Caite

Melody - I'm getting excited for you now. I hope you have fun in Barcelona and it manages to take your mind off the 2ww! I'm having to do something baby related so I thought I'd work out all the costs. Thanks for the good wishes for my mum.

Somedayisnow - 3 goes at IUI! That's not so bad. Let's hope he was right.

Rags - to be honest, I don't think it was too expensive the price I had worked out. Nearly £4000 was for a round of IVF, £1250 was on a pram (I really want a proper, old-fashioned Silver Cross pram. I love the Balmoral but the Kensington is slightly smaller and more practical. And my car is plenty big enough for it!), and a couple of hundred was on reusable nappies and the stuff which goes with it.


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## SpudsMama

I use cloth nappies Caite and you can get a full stash and all accessories loads cheaper than that :) We use a mix of BTP pockets from Tiny Nippers (better than the bigger brands by a long shot!) and Totsbots AIOs so not too bad at all cost wise :thumbup:


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## Keebs

*Caite* 
I think babies can cost as little or as much as you like (IVF excluded obviously). My big expense was the car seat because I only wanted an extended rear facing one.. and I had to buy two so my dad had one to drive her to nursery. So almost £800 on that alone, but it was money well spent. Buggy I rarely use, spent £100 but so far it's probaby cost about £10 per outing so not a great bargain. £250 on slings on the other hand is working out at less than £1 per use, so a bargain in my opinion :thumbup:

I used cloth until I went back to work, then I couldn't keep up with the washing (or drying really as I don't have a tumble drier). Initially bought prefolds and wraps (cheap as chips) but they didn't work for us so ended up spending a fortune on lovely fluffy bubblebubs candies <3 <3 <3 had to go through a lot of duds to find ones I liked though. Another dud buy was the cot £100 and never used, she slept in the hammock 1st few weeks until I realised she slept when next to me. cried when not. Bed shared ever since.

Hope your mum's surgery goes smoothly and she has an uncomplicated recovery. It's lovely that you will be there for her :flower:

*Child2Hold*
lol at inquisitive little brothers :haha: 

*melodyy_mtb*
Have a great time on holiday! Here's to a great fat positive on your return :happydance:

Pretty sure it's the breastfeeding that's made my cycle so wonky, that and it's the 1st pp one I've had. Think I'll end up just monitoring this one, try and find a pattern. It's a 2 hour trip to see my donor and between that, his work, my work and Cara a last minute donation is pretty improbable.

*somedayisnow*
3 IUI's sounds very positive indeed, no reason why not. Have you researched the success rate of 2 IUI v's 1? Not something I've ever looked into but a quick google throws up loads. On the surface it doesn't look like 2 IUI's increases pregnancy rates by more than 6%, if that even. Anyway, my advice is to listen to your dr's, then go do your own research and make up your own mind. What's right for one is rarely right for another.

I made some controvertial decisions during my pregancy (and re conception I suppose :haha:) but because I'd researched and was happy my choices matched my values (no downs testing, home birth, no vit K, delayed clamping etc) then I was able to brush off the scare tactics some of the staff I encountered tried to employ.

Best of luck whichever route you decide to go down :dust:

*Rags* 
Gosh, I am in awe. You sound like the mummy I'd love to be, any tips please pass them my way :lol: 

I dropped from 37.5 hours to 34.5 hours (eliminating a 4 day week every 4 weeks) but don't think I could afford to drop further (would dearly love to though).

*Spudsmama*
Keeping everything crossed for you :flower:


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## Rags

Keebs, thank you, I had to laugh when I read the 'mum I'd like to be' comment as I've been completely 'grummpy mummy' the last couple of days as I've been so tired. Although I work part time - averages out at about 20 hours a week - the way my job goes every so often I have to put in a couple of really hideaous weeks. I've just finished 14 days in a row, 1st week 66 hours, second week 60. this week will be about 45 and so will the week after. It's a pain at the time but it means that I can put enough by for bills and fun stuff for the next few months so can get away with working about 20hours twice a month until the start of the new year.
We spent today fruit picking which was great fun and saves us a fortune on fruit. Picked enough to make a few jars of jam, freeze some for later and at less than half the price I'd have paid in the shops - and much more fun for both of us. We spend a lot of time at the beach and love pick nicking whatever the time of year or weather. I think I have quite a good balance which seems to work for us, although to be honest only time, and DS will be able to tell me if that is true. 
I will also admit that I think I was one of the very few people who hasn't really suffered from the recetion. By absolute chance I was lucky enough to sell my flat just before the bubble burst at the top of its price and because of my job wasn't looking to buy anything at the time. I then got a bit of a bargain near my mum and brother while I was trying to conceive so now I have a very small mortgage and brilliant child care arrangments for when I have to do stupid hours. 
I really do think that we all give what we can and that our children accept us for who we are and what we can give them, my son and I are right for each other.


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## somedayisnow

*Keebs*, I would love to know more about your "controversial" decisions. Why no vitamin K? What's the benefit of delayed clamping? (What exactly is delayed clamping? :haha:) I agree that each person should do her own research and then decide what's best for her. I wanted a home birth, still do, but my insurance covers the birth in full if it's done at the hospital.

*Caite*, I hope your mom's operation is a success and that she's able to recover quickly.

*Rags*, once I have my baby (positive thinking) I plan to move back to my hometown to be closer to family. That way, my baby can go up with its grandma, uncles, and cousins. Also I'll be able to get some free child care out of the whole thing. :blush:


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## Caite

Spudsmama - that's good to know they're even cheaper!

Keebs - I totally agree that babies can cost whatever you want. I'm quite adamant with what I want for the birth. In our first week at uni, we had to write a birth plan, and then were meant to amend it as we went through the course. Mine, I think, was pretty much the same as it was at the start. I want it all as natural as possible, home birth, no pethidine, don't want an epidural (obviously if I had to transfer), physiological third stage, delayed cord clamping, no vitamin k. I don't want to be induced just for gestation (obviously if there were other problems I would), also not keen on augmentation. Don't want my waters broken. and I definitely feel as though I have the knowledge to be able to back up my decisions - a few of those subjects I looked at in detail for my portfolio at uni.

Keebs and Somedayisnow - thank you


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## fairytales87

Caite: I hope your mums op is a success and she has an uneventful recovery. Getting a proper contract can be difficult sometimes hopefully you get your dream post soon hope saving isn't too hard for you I'm a nightmare at saving lol

Canadian maple: great news about being able to fit another transfer in
I pray it's successful and you get your bfp

Melody: I hope the tww isn't driving you crazy and your having a good trip away

Where is KN? I haven't been on properly for a while so
I hope she is ok!

Hello to anybody else who has posted that's new since my last post :flower:


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## Caite

Hi Fairytales. Thank you for wishing my mum well. To be honest, I'm loving the freedom of just being on the bank, so as long as I can save, I don't really mind not having a permanent job. I'm normally rubbish at saving, too, but I think now I have an idea of how much I am going to need, and, well, what I am saving for, it's going to be a whole lot easier. I am starting from £0, though - whilst I was a student midwife, I was on significantly less than before I went back to uni, so I ended up spending a lot more than I earned! And at least I can not pick as many shifts as I want.


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## Keebs

*somedayisnow*

Well, they were only controvertial because they upset some of the midwives, HV and many of my colleagues at work lol. 

Every child in the UK is given vitamin K after birth, unless you opt out. The theory (as I understand it) is that every/most children are born deficient in vit K, breastmilk is also low in same. Dr's think it should be topped up by an injection (or it can be given orally but you need to request that too.) I opted out because I believe that if every/most children are born with low levels of vit k then that is actually the norm and no need ot interfere unless the child is at risk of a bleed. Backed up entirely (in my mind) by the low levels of vit k in breast milk. Mother nature didn't get much wrong, hard to see why she'd stall on this :shrug: 

Delayed cord clamping is waiting until the umbilical cord has stopped pulsating before clamping. It alows the baby to recieve up to 30% more blood, including all those lovely stem cells which are essential to so many functions. Reduces the risk of anaemia, improves baby's cardiopulmonary (starting to breathe etc) transition. I think it's now becomming more the norm but at the time I was threatened with all sorts, from life threatening jaundice to strokes and clots. As it happens she did get jaundice, a couple of days by the window and she was fine :thumbup: My neice, immediate clamping following c section had to have 5 days of photo therapy and formula top ups (I disagree with that too by the way :haha:) due to the dangerously high levels of bilurubin in her blood. 

Gosh, it's bring it all back, I loved the excitement of planning and researching. It was so empowering to make these decisions over the birth of a life I had grown. Waaaaaaah I wanna do it again now!

Loved my homebirth, but after everyone had gone I was running round mopping up blood, emptying pool, washing towels etc. Should have been snuggled up with my precious... have to say that is the one thing I would change if I could.

Anyhow, Caite will be able to explain it all much better than I.


*SpudsMama*
Eeeeeeeek, your chart looks amazing. Fingers crossed!

*Melody_mb*
Hope you are having a fab time, can't wait to here how your tww went. Everything crossed for you :flower:


Not much happening here, still waiting to see if I'll ovulate at a more reasonable time. My donor has written to say his dad is very unwell and the prognosis is not good. He's happy to donate if he can but somehow I think he just won't feel like it at the time :cry: Am making tentative enquiries to see who else is out there should I need them, would love for dd to have a full blood sibling but at 39 I just don't think it's wise to hang around waiting for donor to get over his grief. I hate looking for a donor, so many weirdo's muscle in on the act, makes the good guys hard to spot.


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## Caite

Personally, I completely agree with your views, Keebs. From what I read, the research is out of date on vitamin K, and looked at women who had poor access to decent nutrition, therefore there were going to be low levels of vitamin K in their breast milk and their babies. But as you say, even if the levels are low, then there must be a reason for this. In my Trust, all babies admitted to the neonatal unit are automatically given a vitamin K injection. I do understand that as they are subjected, quite often, to invasive procedures so their risk of haemorrhaging is going to be higher. However, research actually shows that vitamin K given orally is just as effective as vitamin K given by injection. This is not what is routinely recommended by the NHS, though - I imagine for financial reasons, as repeat doses are required (the current evidence base does not determine how many doses this should be - the current practise is 2 doses, 1 at birth and 1 around day 5 or 6 for formula fed babies with a 3rd dose on day 28 for babies who have not received any formula), and therefore costs more. Something I didn't know until I started researching vitamin K for uni (despite the fact I had been giving it for a while to adults) was that the only available vitamin K on the market in the UK is produced from cows, which is obviously not suitable for vegetarians/vegans or some religions. However, this is not discussed with women so where is the informed consent?

Delayed cord clamping is currently advised, for at least 1 minute. It increases the blood volume and the red cells. Whilst this does increase the risk of jaundice in the short term, there is less risk of anaemia at 6 months of age. Recommendations are also that babies who require resuscitation at delivery should receive delayed cord clamping and should be resuscitated by mum. This ensures that baby receives a supply of oxygen via the placenta whilst being resuscitates. However, this is difficult to do in practise, as resuscitaires (where babies are resuscitated) are often either out of the room or in the corner of the room, and are sometimes attached to the wall.

I really hope I am able to have a home birth. I don't know whether it is because of working in a hospital or whatever, but I feel as though I am always on the alert in hospital even if I'm not there working. I don't think I could relax properly with a hospital birth, and that would affect labour, increasing the risk of interventions, which I do not want. However, I would transfer to hospital if needed, or have a hospital birth if it was necessary (such as preterm labour). There was a massive study carried out recently, called the Birthplace Study (https://www.npeu.ox.ac.uk/birthplace/results) which looked at birth outcomes in different settings for women who should have been low risk (though there were a few breech deliveries, which aren't classed as low risk), which basically showed it was safer to have babies at home (although the risk of home deliveries was ever so slightly raised for first time mums having a home birth compared to a hospital birth. Interestingly, the risks were not raised for the same low risk mums having a midwife led unit (which have the same acceptance criteria as a home birth, and the same staff), which might suggest it was the personality of some of the mums perhaps refusing to listen to the midwife's advice?).

This seems to have just turned in to a bit of a rant about the routine practises in midwifery which really, really annoy me! Sorry!


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## somedayisnow

Hi Ladies,

I saw my RE today and I have some good news and not so good news. 

*The Good* :happydance:
On the u/s he could see 6-7 follicles on each side. He said that is much better than expected and is consistent with a woman in her early 30s, if not younger. I'm 41. My lining looks great and the shape of my uterus is perfect.

*The Bad* :shrug:
He found a fibroid but it's placed in such a way that it won't effect me getting pregnant. 

*The Ugly*:dohh:
They found an 8cm (big) cyst on/near my right ovary This may have caused my AMH to be so low - .65 The usual AMH for a woman my age is no lower than .9 - not great but a hellava lot better than .65 So this means I have to have surgery and if all goes well it will be at least 2-3 months before I can start trying to have a baby.

*If Life Gives You Lemons....*:headspin:
This will give me more time to lose weight, continue to see my acupuncturist, get additional prenatals and supplements into my system, and save some more money.

How is everyone else doing? :baby:


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## Caite

Somedayisnow - that sounded like quite a positive appointment, I'm pleased for you. At least the not so good aspects are fixable. 2-3 months isn't so long to wait, and as you said, it'll give you more time to save and lose weight etc.


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## somedayisnow

Thanks, Caite. I do see my appointment as more positive than negative. AF is supposed to show up this weekend so I'll be having my FSH tested on CD3. Hopefully, that won't be too high. FX...heck, everything is crossed at this point. On Wednesday, I meet with the surgeon for pre-op and then we'll schedule the surgery.

It's not too long now before you start TTCing, right? When is school over?


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## SpudsMama

That appt sounds like a big bag of mixed emotions! The good is very good though and it all means you're on your way to a :bfp: :)

AFM - CD1 today... boo!


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## Caite

Somedayisnow - I need to change my signature. TTC is on hold probably til next spring. I finished uni but don't have any contracted hours. I am just doing bank work (I don't know if you have it over there, basically all the shifts that the wards can't cover and available for bank staff to choose to work). I love it as I get to choose which shifts I work and where I work. I need to save up, though, as I won't get proper maternity pay, just statutory maternity pay (?) which is a lot less than I earn at the moment. I've also some other stuff going on with my mum at the moment - she is waiting for major surgery, and I don't know if she will afford to pay her mortgage etc whilst she is off sick so I'm probably going to have to help her out financially after the surgery.

Spudsmama - sorry :hugs:


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## somedayisnow

Caite, I completely forgot about you putting your plans on hold for a bit. I swear I don't know where my mind is at. How's your mom doing while she waits for surgery?

Spudsmama, I hope we're all on our way to BFPs. Your daughter is so cute!


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## Caite

It's OK - there's quite a few people to keep up with on here! Mum's OK thanks, just waiting for a date for her surgery now - should be within the next 2 months mum said.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hola ladies :howdy: I'm back!

Well I actually got back last weekend, but I've been rather down. Af got me the day I was leaving so...:cry: It's been so long since i got to have a proper try, where I actually had a chance. I guess I just got my hopes up. You know when you just "know" you're pregnant? Lol wel I wasn't. Plus my pms was awful this month. I guess with the o pain I felt, i o'd intensely so got pms intensely? hahaha I dont know.

Anyway I'm cd8. I redid my day 1-5 and rubella bloodwork on Monday. I'm also booked in for my hycosy next Wednesday :wacko: I'm praying that it doesnt hurt too much. I'm also hoping I don't o till afterwards as I'm prohibited from SI before the ultrasound, and if the rumors are true, I could be extra fertile afterwards :happydance:

*somedayisnow* I'm sorry about the cyst they found, but your approach to it all is great. The next few months will fly by, what with all the prep you're doing :hugs:

*Caite* I hope your mum is doing well. I see you've changed your signature to next spring. At least you have a more definitive time on when you'll be ttc. Like I said to someday, the time will fly by, especially when you're preparing. It did for me.

*keebs* Sorry to hear about your donor's father. I hate looking for new donors too. It would be awesome if he could donate this cycle, but if not I really hope you find a reliable (non weirdo lol) in time. Fx for you hun. I'm in awe onf both you and Rags hehe. I plan on using cloth nappies, so I'll deifnitely be picking your brain. I love researching things too. The vt k and delayed clamping has definitely pricked my interest.

*Rags* Such a beatuiful way of explaining things. Sound like you and your son are perfect for each other. I love thinking of having a baby like that. As i said to keebs, I'm also in awe of you and her. You ladies are a major inspiration and I'll be asking all sorts of questions when i conceive lol.


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## Caite

Melody :hugs: Hopefully you will be extra fertile after next Wednesday. Other than AF arriving, I hope you had a good time away? My mum's OK - she's waiting for a date for her surgery, and still working in the meantime. She and I are going to my cousin's tomorrow, so lots of baby cuddles! I'm going to be extra broody tomorrow evening. 

There are a number of things in midwifery that are done routinely (or routinely by some midwives) which I will not be consenting to. I don't want vitamin K. I want delayed cord clamping. I want a physiological (no drugs) third stage. I do not want routine CTGs (I think the older midwives do this more often - if someone has to deliver on labour ward, some of the older midwives do a CTG on arrival routinely, even if it is not indicated (for example, women who have had a previous shoulder dystocia/PPH/3rd or 4th degree tears) and it really bugs me). I don't want routine induction of labour due to gestation. I won't phone up/go in just to confirm my waters go if they go before going in to labour. I would have to really consider whether I was induced due to waters going or whether I would opt just for monitoring if I didn't go in to labour within 24 hours of my waters breaking. I don't want to have my waters broken. I won't deliver on the bed lying on my back. On labour ward, I will eat if I want something to eat. I would, I think, consent to a student being there and possibly to being one of a student's practise caseload women, just cos I know how difficult it can be to get numbers.

I feel as though I have to keep postponing TTC - initially I wanted to start TTC in March this year, as soon as I finished uni. Then I moved it to June, just so I would have time to start a new job, then it was September so I could sort out finances and stuff, now it's next spring. Whatever happens, I will start TTC next spring. I wanted children young - I wanted to have 4 children and to have my last at the age of 27. I'm 27 now and have no children. If I get pregnant next spring, I'll be 29 when I have the baby.

The worst bit is when I was 19, I think I had a miscarriage at about 8 or 9 weeks pregnant. I missed a period or two and the dates all tied in with, well, a guy. I had awful cramps (never have period pain), and passed clots and the bleeding was much heavier than usual and went on for a lot longer than usual. And you know (I feel like an awful person admitting this), I felt relieved at the time. I felt pleased that I wasn't going to be a mum. I had just started uni, about 7 or 8 weeks before, and the guy was an idiot (he never knew). I was on my first placement. I was out with the health visitor so there were lots of babies, and it didn't bother me. The bleeding started on the Tuesday (quite light), on the Wednesday it got heavier, clottier and more painful. I had a morning visiting an organisation and went home at lunchtime - I was flooding pads - I phoned the health visitor and said I wasn't well so wouldn't be coming in in the afternoon. I had the Thursday and Friday off sick, and went back in the Monday. The only thing I was worried about was leaking. It didn't bother me that I was around babies. Quite often, when I'm driving alone (which is a lot), especially at night, I now think about that probably miscarriage. I feel angry at myself for not caring at the time - for actually being relieved. I sometimes even cry about it. And I wonder if that was my one chance to be a mum.

This post was starting off quite upbeat, and then I started writing about my age, and that lead me on to the rest of it. Sorry - I didn't meant to write such a depressing post.


----------



## K.N

Hey ladies :) I'm still here floating in and out - have had troubles with internet, then had no computer; gets hard to keep up hahaa!! 
Haven't given baby making a try the past 3 months, though I definitely ovulated last month / so that's good :) started writing individual replies to some of your messages; but it's just too hard to do in my phone! Will definitely reply properly though when I'm next on my laptop.
Hope your all doing well <3. Have missed my ttc/wtt buddies while I've been internetless hahaa!


----------



## Caite

Good to see you back KN - I wondered where/how you were


----------



## somedayisnow

Caite, your 2nd to last post made me sad. Your feelings about the miscarriage you had at 19 were completely understandable and NO that was not your last chance to be a mom. I truly believe that a woman should only be a mom when she's ready to be one. You're ready now and you're going to be a great one. :hugs:


----------



## Keebs

*Caite* 
:hugs:I am so sorry, it must be hard not to wonder 'what if'. I still remember my boss being aghast that a poll of local uni students (females) showed over 80% would rather catch HIV than get pregnant. OK so we are going back around 20 years here but even so, I think it illustrates just how life shattering an unplanned pregnancy is for young women. To feel relief rather than sorrow was not only understandable, but perfectly natural :hugs: 

Totally agree with somedasyisnow, you are going to make a fantastic mother.

Speaking of fantastic, you sound like a pretty fantabulous midwife (and nurse) too. A little sad you won't be mine frankly :haha:

Didn't know that about the vitamin K, I have to administer it now and again. Will definitely bear this in mind for my veggie/vegan patients :thumbup:


*somedayisnow*
Sorry about the cyst, the rest of the meeting seems to be pretty positive though, hurrah for plentiful follicles :happydance:. Love your attitude to the delay in ttc, something I think I need to emulate :flower: 


*SpudsMama*
:hugs: Darn witch :growlmad: Lets hope that's the last you see of her for a goodly while. Everything crossed for this cycle :flower:


*melodyy_mtb*
So sorry :hugs:. Am a wee bit glad you got to experience a little excitement though, ttc should have a bit of that now and again. Hopefully next time the witch wont crash your party and ruin it all. Good luck for Wednesday, can't tell you how much I hope it helps give you your BFP :flower:

Thank you for your kind words. I do the best I can, as do we all. I think we are lucky as single mums by choice because we do not have to compromise on our parenting ideals at all. This gives us an edge over 2 parent families I think... clearly I am totally biased though :rofl: 


*K.N*
Yay for ovulation :happydance: when do you see your specialist again? :hugs: for you too, this ttc lark is hard, hard, hard.



My cycle remains unpredicatable (makes it very hard to plan a conception you know, what with his work, my work, a toddler and a 2 hour drive each way to factor in... I really wanna give myself/hormones a good shake/boot up the bum!) this month is probably out. I think I geared up for O but it just fizzled out :shrug:

Donor text to say his Dad passed away last week so he would be unavailable for remainder of said week. Small part of me wonders if this is why O fizzled. Dunno, but I like that idea better than plain old confused hormones :haha:


----------



## Keebs

Caite, saw this on another thread recently and found it rather touching, hope you do too. I don't know your beliefs so hope you don't find it offensive. I'll remove it if so 



> This is an excerpt from "The Baby Catcher"
> 
> 
> Spirit Baby
> 
> Colin, my twelve-year-old son, discovered me late one rainy afternoon sitting at the kitchen table, a damp Kleenex crumpled in my left hand, wiping my eyes as I tried to compose myself for his sake. It was the third week of January, two months after I&#8217;d miscarried a pregnancy, but I still found it impossible to get through a day without at least one meltdown into misery.
> 
> ...
> 
> Colin asked, "Are you crying about the baby?" and when I nodded tearfully, he said, "Well, you just have to have another one, Mom, because it&#8217;s a Spirit Baby, and you should be its mother."
> 
> I must have looked puzzled because he said, "Don&#8217;t you know about Spirit Babies? How could I know about them if you don&#8217;t? I mean, you&#8217;re my mom!" But he could see my perplexity.
> 
> So my first child, this not-yet-teenaged boy, pulled a wooden chair to my side and draped his thin arm across my shoulders, saying, "Well, Mom, here&#8217;s how it is. See, I was one myself, so that must be how I know. Anyway, every woman has a circle of babies that goes around and around above her head, and those are all the possible babies she could have in her whole life. Every month, one of those babies is first in line. If she gets pregnant, then that&#8217;s the baby that&#8217;s born. If she doesn&#8217;t get pregnant, the baby goes back into the circle and keeps going around with all the others. If she gets pregnant but something bad happens before the baby&#8217;s born&#8230;now listen, Mom, because here&#8217;s the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it&#8217;s always first in line. Isn&#8217;t that great?
> 
> "So you just have to get pregnant again, and you&#8217;ll have the same Spirit Baby. If you don&#8217;t, though, then the baby circle will just beam that little Spirit Baby over to some other woman&#8217;s circle, and it&#8217;ll be first in line for her. It keeps being first in line somewhere until it finally gets born.
> 
> "But it&#8217;d be a shame for you not to have it yourself, because I know how much you want it. So you just have to try again. Mom, remember that baby you lost before I was born?" I nodded wordlessly. "Well, that was me. Really. I&#8217;ve always known I was a Spirit Baby. I mean, I know what I&#8217;m talking about here, Mom."
> 
> (the story goes on that several months later, she did finally decide to try again and conceived her 'spirit baby', for 'the joy of it'--to quote her tweenage children)


----------



## fairytales87

Caite: your second last post made me cry and is something I can very much relate to. You will be an amazing mum when the time comes massive hugs :hugs:

Melody: I'm sorry you got af I hope your next cycle is the one
are you starting treatment this cycle or is it another natural one?

Keebs: unpredictable cycles are so frustrating you seem to be able to see a good side to the frustrations of ttc I admire this wish I could too!

KN: Good to see you back! Woohoo for a perfect ovulation 

Spudsmama: I'm sorry af arrived everything crossed for you that you get your bfp this cycle 

Ufm: I've been away from the boards and not really posting 
as I needed time out I'm currently waiting on my cycle to return however I won't be ttc soon I will be working on getting myself together for when I'm ready to start properly this time :flower:


----------



## Caite

Somedayisnow - thank you. I hope I get to be a great mum some day in the not too distant future. Sorry my post made you sad. I've not told anyone before about it. I started typing, and it all just came out.

Keebs - that's a lovely thing to say. Thank you so much. I have had to administer Vitamin K as a nurse, and I never knew it then, either. It's only because we had to do mini-essays to go in our portfolio and I decided to do one on Vitamin K that I found out about it. But a number of research articles I found said that a lot of health care professionals, including pharmacists (which is kind of shocking) don't know that Vitamin K (and it possibly said other drugs, but I can't really remember as I wasn't looking at them) come from cows (or other animals). I don't have any religious beliefs, but I find that story lovely. Sorry about your donor's dad. Hopefully he'll be back ready for you next ovulation, and sorting out the child, job, transport etc isn't too troublesome.

Fairytales - sorry my post made you cry too. I feel a bit bad that I've put a bit of a downer on the thread. Anyway, your update sounds exciting. Hopefully the wait won't be too long, and then you'll get a nice, speedy BFP.

We've been to see my cousin today and had lots of cuddles with their baby. He's so cute and grown loads, and he's changed so much in the few weeks since we last saw him. It was actually a little weird holding a baby which wasn't newborn! I'm super broody now, and it was so obvious my mum really wants a grandchild of her own (I think she's a little jealous of her sister!). She asked, if I have a baby, can she look after it over night. I don't know why she asked for overnight - maybe cos she's used to working nights? - but she seemed quite excited by the idea. I almost told her in the car driving home about my plans, but didn't quite manage it. I think I will end up telling her at some point - I've been so close to it so many times.


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## fairytales87

Caite:We are here for each other on this thread when things are good and when they aren't so good, you obviously needed to get it out and I'm glad you were able to share with us and let us support you facing a miscarriage is not easy especially on your own & to keep it to yourself for all that time too :hugs:
Awww little baby cuddles are the best, I'm going to visit my family in a few weeks and my cousin has a baby girl who will be 6 months old when we visit and I cannot wait for cuddles even though I know it make me desperate for one of my own! Bless your mum she sounds like she will make an awesome grandmother when the time comes my mum always gets mega excited by new babies in the family but I know she is jealous and would love a grandchild of her own and I feel bad that I'm making her wait so long! I told my mum my plans after I had truly looked at my options but I wish I had waited now however I hope you can share your journey with yours and she sounds like she would be a great support x


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## Caite

She's been desperate to be a grandmother for years - I think she started asking me about it when I was about 20! She was in her mid 30s when she had me and my sister, which 27 years ago was quite late for a first child. All her friends from school had children a good 10 years earlier, so most of them have been grandparents for quite a while.


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## K.N

Argh; Had written out a message, then accidentally changed page - and now it's gone, sigh. Ahwell hahaa; I tried my best to catch up! Sounds like you've all had your own little tricky bouts of ttc - and wtt!

First up Caite: hugs!! No need to apologise for posting sad posts, they come from your heart - we're all here for you, that's the good thing with this forum huh :). I'm not really a believer of single chances; there are endless chances in this world - sometimes, we just need to work a little harder than others for them. Maybe; someone knew that at that time - you just weren't ready, and thought they'd save your little angel - for when you are. I'm sure when you get to start trying, and conceive - you'll make an excellent mom. And your time, for that - will definitely come xxx I too am intrigued by your controversial decisions, I think they may be my next route of research!! :) :) I think currently here, delayed cord clamping - is a choice; neither expected, nor frowned upon. I'm pretty sure vitamin K is a standard requirement - however should it be refused; it can't be forced. I want to look into the vitamin K, as I do immunisations. Research is always good for a distraction and time filler lol.

Keebs: Unfortunately my specialist appointments are now over; There's not really a lot more they can do for me now. They've put me on the massive waiting list, given me piles of things to read. Told me I wont have any further tests - until closer to IUI time in 2016. It's good, not to be going to the clinic - but it leaves me at a kind of dead end really! It's either conceive, or wait a really long time hahaa!


Melody: Good luck for your hycosy! I'm sure it'll go just well, and I too hope you o after - and score a bfp as a result of extra fertility!! Sorry to hear you got hit with another period :(


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## Caite

Thank you KN. Keebs was the one who brought up the 'controversial' decisions - I then just had a bit of a rant about stuff in general! But I completely agree with her - I want everything as natural and normal as possible and won't be accepting any intervention unless I deem it clinically necessary. I would love to have twins, but I know that would automatically class me as high risk, so I wouldn't be allowed to have a home birth (unless I did it against medical advice). Delayed cord clamping is fairly new as a routine thing here. Consequently, most of the older midwives, particularly those who have practised for a long time on consultant units, aren't very good at doing. One of my last mentors was really good. She would have me feel the cord and wait until it stopped pulsating before clamping it. For a physiological third stage, you have to leave the cord be until the placenta is delivered.

That's good that you don't have to go back to the clinic, but it sucks that you have to wait until 2016. I hope you get a BFP long before then!


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## Keebs

Good luck today Melody :flower:


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## KelWin

Hi everyone, haven't been on here in a while, but I thought I'd come in and say hi, and let everyone know I'm doing my first AI tonight, fx.


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## K.N

KelWin said:


> Hi everyone, haven't been on here in a while, but I thought I'd come in and say hi, and let everyone know I'm doing my first AI tonight, fx.

fingers and toes are all crossed Kelwin!! Goodluck & lots of baby dust :)


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## Caite

Good luck Kelwin


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## KelWin

k.n. - Thanks. Got a Dr appt next week to see what's going on. I had my Implanon out in Feb and I still haven't had a visit from AF, but we thought we may as well start trying now anyway.

Caite - Thanks :)


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## KelWin

Sorry guys, false alarm. not ttc. potential donor backed out


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## K.N

KelWin said:


> Sorry guys, false alarm. not ttc. potential donor backed out

Aww Kelwin :( :( *hugs* - Can't imagine how it must feel for you! Unfortunately being a donor is a pretty big thing, and sometimes they do just get *cold feet* - Doesn't make it easier though, Will you be able to find a new donor easy enough do you think??


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## KelWin

K.N said:


> KelWin said:
> 
> 
> Sorry guys, false alarm. not ttc. potential donor backed out
> 
> Aww Kelwin :( :( *hugs* - Can't imagine how it must feel for you! Unfortunately being a donor is a pretty big thing, and sometimes they do just get *cold feet* - Doesn't make it easier though, Will you be able to find a new donor easy enough do you think??Click to expand...

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find any others in the three years I've been looking. I guess it just means I wasn't meant to have a child. I'm scheduled to start my transition next year, so unless I can find another donor, AND fall pregnant within three months, then it's just not happening. :(


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## Caite

Kelwin I'm so sorry. :hugs:


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## KelWin

yeah, me too.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone :hi:

*KN* Glad to have you back hun. We all need a break sometimes. Maybe having all your computer/internet trouble was a blessing in disguise. It forced you to take a break. I've been reading your blog, I know this fertility stuff can get on top of us. It's long, sometimes painful jouney. But you'll get there. We'll get there :hugs:

*Caite* Even wtt can be an emotional roller coaster. Things not going as planned, set backs etc, but before you know it you'll be ttc. Sorry it got you thinking about what you experienced when you were 19. You shouldnt feel bad though. It wasnt meant to happen at that time, and you knew it, hence the feeling of relief. Anyway hope you and your mum had a great time at your cousins

*Keebs* That's a unique way to think of it. I believe everything happens for a reason. It's not terrible that you havent o'd yet, as your donor isn't available. I still have hope for you this cycle though. My body does this to me quite often, It's like trying to start a car but the engine fails. Leave it a while and it starts perfectly. When i do o, i often get false + opks then a week or two later i o for real. So fx for you. :hugs:

*Kelwin* It's so good to see you back here but hun I'm so sorry to hear about your donor backing out :( It's devistating, happens to us all, but I know you're quite restricted with time. I wouldnt say that you wasnt meant to have a child. Far from it. I think you'd make an amazing father. I have everything crossed for you that you find a donor in time. You may want to see your doctor about the fact af hasnt shown yet. Hope you find a donor soon!

AFM: Well I had my hycosy yesterday. Thanks for the well wishes everyone. Omg i didnt feel a damn thing!!!! I was so scared lol. If anyone is due to have a hycosy soon I'd definitely recommend taking strong painkillers about 20 minutes before. I felt nothing. As it was an ultrasound procedure instead of an x-ray, I got to see everything going on and discuss things with the doctor at the same time.

Good news = Both tubes are clear, cervix is in great shape, as is my uterus. Plus my fibroid has seemed to have vanished!

Bad news = My ovaries are really really polycystic. I could see it for myself on the screen :wacko: The good thing is that there's no doubt I have pcos, so it should be easy to finally get some meds. My consultant app is next month :happydance:


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## KelWin

melodyy_mtb said:


> *Kelwin* It's so good to see you back here but hun I'm so sorry to hear about your donor backing out :( It's devistating, happens to us all, but I know you're quite restricted with time. I wouldnt say that you wasnt meant to have a child. Far from it. I think you'd make an amazing father. I have everything crossed for you that you find a donor in time. You may want to see your doctor about the fact af hasnt shown yet. Hope you find a donor soon!

Thanks darl, it means a lot, but I don't think I'm going to find a donor in time. I'm going to talk to my gender therapist about freezing some of my eggs, so maybe I can still have bio kids one day, but even if I can't, I have a friend in the US who is having twins, and the father is and never will be, in the picture. She's moving to Australia after the boys are born, and she's said she wants me to be their adopted dad, so, I'll still have kids. :) Was just really looking forward to actually giving birth to my own.

And yes, I'm seeing my Dr really soon about AF.


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## melodyy_mtb

Ah of course. I only noticed after my last post that you've got a doctor's app set up. I hope it goes well. I was going to suggest freezing your eggs. It's good that you'll be able to discuss this with your gender therapist. There's always options. I round my give up all hope just yet. 

That's awesome news about your friend. Whatever form your children come in, you'll make a great dad. x


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## fairytales87

Kelwin: I'm sorry :hugs:

Melody: I'm glad all looks good uterus tube & cervix wise
Hopefully the doctors don't delay in getting your pcos under control


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey hun. Omg I was writing out a reply for you before but it got left off. That'll teach me to write paragraphs on my tiny phone. Thanks, yeah hopefully I'll get something sorted out. If I o like i amazingly did last month, i should get one more natural before I see my consultant in September.

It's great to see you back on the forum. I hope you're ok and taking things easy. Cant wait till you start ttc! x


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## fairytales87

That would be amazing if you got a perfect cycle and a bfp before your appt maybe now you know what's going on you'll not be quite as stressed :hugs: did you enjoy Barcelona?

I'm doing alright I could actually start all my initial ttc stuff at the clinic in the next month or so but I'm too scared to begin :wacko: :shrug:


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## Caite

Kelwin - at least you're going to have options to become a parent one way or another.

Melody - I'm pleased the procedure went well for you. I'm sorry about the PCOS but at least there is now evidence of why you're not ovulating and hopefully that can be remedied quickly. My mum and I had a lovely time at my cousin's. We got lots of little baby cuddles. He's so cute.

Fairytales - it is scary the prospect of starting TTC. Before I got rid of my ticker, I would look at it with a mixture of excitement and fear. I guess it's natural.


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## melodyy_mtb

*fairytales87* It would be amazing, but im not getting my hopes up. Just taking each day as it comes and trying to enjoy all experiences, good and bad. 

I was the same. I realised i had been researching ttc alone for about 3 years until I actually started. It was something my mum said that made me kind of snap into gear. I didn't actually tell her i was ttc until after my first bfn, but we were discussing babies ages ago and she said "No parent is ever ready. The situation and surroundings will never be 100% perfect. If you want a child, it's the right time" lol. We'll never be completely sure or or completely ready. I'm about a year in an i still fret. The other day i was considering not trying this month because I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't make a good mum. But as long as your child is happy and loved, not much else matters.

I know you want to work on yourself before you actively start trying. By all means take your time, but don think you have to wait for the perfect time to start. :hugs:


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## fairytales87

I guess it is only natural, I have such a mixture of feelings and emotions 
about it I wish I could make some of them go and not let them put me off ttc! This is when I miss having my bestie to talk with she would totally understand and talk them out with me!

Has anybody done/doing anything exciting this weekend?


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## Caite

Hopefully I'm seeing my best friend today or tomorrow - she's in labour at the moment, so should get to meet her new little baby very soon. I'm very excited!


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## unicornwish

Hi ladies,
I haven't posted for a while as my situation has changed somewhat. 
My ex partner & the father of my son has returned into my life unexpectedly so we will be ttc no.2 starting next month.
Some people may disagree with this but I believe in fate & the way he has come back was very unexpected as he was in a relationship which has ended. My main wish was to have a sibling for my son & I was obviously prepared to do that alone so if I do end up as a single parent I wont be a problem, my son's dad is also a good father to him.
Tbh I don't know if I could have afforded to have gone to a sperm bank as when I researched it properly I realised it was £1200 per attempt (I would have needed medicated cycles as I have ovulation issues so will still be needing to use clomid to conceive naturally)
I just wanted to say how nice it has been to chat with you, I admire all of you and wish you all every success on your journeys x


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## KelWin

good luck unicornwish. fx


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## CanadianMaple

Good luck unicornwish! 

fairytales87- I'm at my camper this weekend. I'm a teacher and go back to work in 2 weeks. Feeling so sad to see the summer go by so quickly!

melodyy_mtb- I agree with what your mom says. I am feeling nervous about doing this alone, but I know that once you get that baby in your arms, you know he or she is here for a reason and you'll make it work. My son's biofather was a total deadbeat and I had to deal with his hateful mother for a few years. I'm thankful that I won't have that kind of drama this time around.

AFM- I am going to be doing my FET in about 2 weeks. I'm already on the estrogen and steroid and go back for bloodwork on Wednesday. After the failed FET in June, I have been feeling different this time. I'm not as excited, in fact, I have more doubts. I worry about it failing and finding out the first week of school with my students but then I also worry a lot about it actually working. lol So weird! I've already put $18,000 into the IVF and FETs, I should just relax!!


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## fairytales87

Caite: that's so exciting I hope all goes well for your friend and her little bundle makes a smooth & safe arrival soon!

Unicorn wish: I hope everything works out for you and your family:hugs:

Canadian maple: hope your have a relaxing break away 
The summer has flown by this year I'm not ready for summer to be done either


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## Caite

My friend's had her baby. It wasn't the smoothest of labours by the sounds of it, but everyone is fine now, which is all that matters. I've had to go out and buy presents already. Hopefully going up to meet her in the next couple of days.

Unicornwish - that's so exciting for you! Good luck.

CanadianMaple - good luck.


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## fairytales87

Awww caite congrats to your friend
That's not so good about her rubbish labour but as you say as long as they are both well now. Did she have a boy or girl? I hope you enjoyed your present buying trip!


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## somedayisnow

unicornwish - people come in and out and sometimes back in for a reason. Good luck to you and your family.

CanadianMaple - relaxing is easier said than done, isn't it? I don't know if relaxing is in my DNA but I do wish it for you. Fx

Caite, I'm so happy for your friend. Glad to hear that they're both okay.

afm, I just bought donor sperm and I'm freaking out. I was hoping to put it off until after my surgery but I was afraid that he would be sold out. I swear for the last month his vial numbers were high and barely getting bought but in the past week, and especially this weekend, he's suddenly popular. Buying the sperm has just made my quest to have a baby even more real. :wacko:


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## fairytales87

Someday: How exciting! Are you doing Si or are you using a clinic? 
Either way I hope the journey goes well and you get your bfp very soon


----------



## somedayisnow

I'm using a clinic but my first IUI won't happen for a couple months because I have to have a cyst removed first. At least now I know the donor I want is available to me when I'm ready for him.


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## fairytales87

Someday: cysts are so annoying I hope your op and recovery goes well
What a relief for you that your able to get the donor you want hopefully once you start ttc your iui is successful 1st try x

Afm: Girls I need somebody to tell me everything's going to be ok 
My fears are totally taking over my head.I've waited so long to start and now I don't know if I can do this:nope:


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## CanadianMaple

I'm scared too. I'm moving along with the FET meds and am starting to question everything. I didn't question myself this much last cycle. I keep looking at the fun things I am doing with my 6-year old and keep wondering if he will miss out on a lot if we have a baby next summer...

somedayisnow- It's good that you got the sperm now. It will help spread out the costs a bit too.


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## somedayisnow

fairytales87- I'm afraid too. I think we'd be nuts if we weren't at least a little scared. Go to your initial clinic visit and see how you feel then. You'll soon know what's best for you. :hugs:

CanadianMaple - just imagine how much fun your son will have being a big brother!

afm, I am glad that I bought the sperm. 1) as of yesterday his vials sold out 2) buying now does let me spread out the costs. I'm going to start paying off this credit card immediately.


----------



## K.N

Hey ladies!

Goodluck unicornwish :) - Nothing wrong with believing in fate & going where your heart leads you. I hope it works out all the best! x

Caite - I'm glad both mum & bub are ok, despite a smooth labour etc! Cuddles with nb's are the best <3.

Melody, Glad you enjoyed barcelona - and hopefully fingers crossed it's easier for you to get the treatment you're after now, whether it's medical - or just some help along the way. You've got your foot in the door now, and that's the tricky part!! Yay to us both who swore we'd never be able to go through a clinic - yet here we both are! :)

Somedayisnow - That's good you can purchase the sperm in advance; do they continue to store it until you're ready for it; or do you store it yourself? It feels so strange to me to purchase sperm etc, yet so intriguing. Just the different practices around the world I guess isn't it! So interesting to know how it's all done around the world, It's illegal to sell or buy it here. So you just have to have faith someone out there will help you out!

Fairytales - Fear is normal hun!! Means you're putting a lot of thought into this process - and not just jumping into it without thought. I'm a year a half into mine - and i still freak out, every month, every week, - in fact every time the topic comes up; or babies get mentioned within my "babyless friends circle" The fear never goes away - BUT the feeling, that each month we try - we "could" be pregnant bring so much hope and joy. The idea that one of these months i ttc - will be successful, and i will become the mother i so dream to be - keeps me grounded and reminds me why i do this & I just know you can do this - you'll have each of us every step of the way, cheering you on!! :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## Caite

Thanks for all the congratulations to my friend. She had a baby girl, present buying was great, and she is so cute. Haven't seen her yet in person, but hopefully going up tomorrow. Yay!

Somedayisnow - that's exciting that you've bought the sperm already! I guess it makes it all seem really real now? He seems to have sold out really quick by the sounds of it.

Fairytales - :hugs: I think everybody freaks out to some extent. You're going to be a great mum.

Canadianmaple - I'm sure your little boy will love having a baby brother or sister to play with.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies, and gent :D

I tried sending this a few days ago, but it obviously never went through :/ 

Just a quick message to say that I'm in Prague for the week. It's so beautiful here. I won't be online much, so I'll reply to you all properly when I get back. 

Lots of love, and babydust. Thinking of you all. 

x


----------



## Keebs

*K.N*
Great that you don't have to keep going to the clinic, hope you concieve well before your next visit :flower:

*KelWin*
Sorry your donor backed out :hugs: but how great to hear you'll be a dad :happydance: Hope your meeting goes well. 

*melodyy_mtb*
Glad the hycosy went so well, having an official diagnosis must be a relief. Had no idea that vitex could reduce fibroids (hurrah!), love how I learn something new every time I come here :flower:

Have a super time in Prague, and here's to a bfp before Septembers apt.

*unicornwish*
Good luck :flower:

*CanadianMaple*
I too worry that it may be selfish to ttc again, but then I worry it would be selfish not to :haha: I used to be such a laid back person before motherhood too. Good luck with the upcomming transfer, everything crossed for a healthy, sticky little bean :flower:

*somedayisnow*
Eeeeek, one step closer :happydance: wonder if the sudden surge in popularity was the universe's way of telling you something :winkwink:

*fairytales87*
Doubts and fears are perfectly natural, healthy even, this is a life changing event. I suspect it's because we want this so much, very easy to be blase when you don't much care. Hope you manage to work through yours soon, if we can help we surely will :hugs:

*Caite*
Congratulations to your friend. Enjoy the snuggles :cloud9:



As for me, looks like I ovulated day 20 (waaaay better than day 45/not atall), hoping for a decent luteal phase this time too. Donor assures me he's still happy to help, big relief if I'm honest. Starting to get quite excited :happydance:


----------



## fairytales87

Thank you for all your support
I will be leaving the thread for a while as 
I'm struggling after stuff that's happened the last few weeks and it's not fair to you all having to put up with me and my posts. I wish you all good luck in your journeys xx


----------



## Keebs

:hugs: fairytales :hugs:

Please know that your posts here are as valid and welcome as any. My impression was that KN started this thread precisely because we encounter issues not faced by others ttc.

I hope you take time away if you need it, but hate the thought you're going because you don't want to burden others with your posts.

Take care whatever you decide xxx


----------



## Keebs

Hi, how is everyone?

3rd pp cycle for me, actually hope to get a donation this time. Hurrah (anyone know why predictive text wants to change this to bureau???)!

Still no idea when I might ovulate which is pants, never realised how spoiled I was having regular cycles before. Donor is unavailable 2 most likely dates so gonna be a hit or miss affair. Fingers crossed it holds off till day 16 - 18 [-o&lt;#


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## somedayisnow

*Keebs* - I have my fingers crossed for you. I'm playing the 'when do I ovulate game' too. 

*fairytales87* - I hope you come back soon. We're here to support everyone thru the ups and downs. :hugs:

*melody*- I'm so jealous that you're in Prague. I've never been but I love to travel. I hope you're having fun.

*KN*- Yes, the sperm bank will store my vials for a fee. Nothing is ever free with them. Sigh. It's legal to purchase sperm in the US although each state has its own rules. For example: Some states don't allow self-insemination and require that a doctor be involved but a lot of people just self-inseminate anyway.

*afm* - I'm still waiting on my surgery date. I'm supposed to get it this week but I want to know now. :wacko:


----------



## viii

hello ladies! I made a post a couple of months ago about the thought process of finding a sperm donor and being a solo mother. it's something that's been pushed to the front of my mind even more today as my best friend is pregnant (recently split with her douche husband) so I attended her ultrasound with her today and seeing that little baby really made me want this for myself. 

love the support idea - it's a pretty scary idea :)

for those with ovulation/fertile questions, I recently bought the period tracker app on my iphone and I've been using it for the past two months to get an idea of when my period is, when I'm fertile, when I ovulate, etc. with this tool, I hope by the time I'm ready to become pregnant, I will know my body pretty well and will have a larger chance of success.


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## K.N

Hi ladies :)
Fairytales - if you pop back in and read this, Keebs is right - I spent so long searching forums, and found that while there are sooooo many supportive forums around, none of them were quite "right" for my journey. Hense the creation of this! And now I've realised there are sooo many others in a similar journey. So feel free to post, your story&journey is just as important. However I definitely understand the need for a break as well. Know that we're all here for you when you need us :hugs: x

Keebs: Fingers crossed for ovulation and fertilisation!!! Toes are all crossed too :).

Melody: Have fun in prague, look forward to hearing how it went :)

Someday: o0o - hopefully they let you know soon! The feeling of knowing it's probably set and you don't know yet must be so nervewrecking!

Vii: hey :) - Support is definitely important, so i hope you find lots here :) Is a pretty scary thing! 

Afm: I know I am ovulating perfectly again this month, I haven't got any ovulation tests on me - but I just feel it. so much ewcm, I've had a bit of eczema break out - which seems to break out when i have hormonal changes, such as ovulation. Normally I'd be stoked - this is ALSO when I'm supposed to ovulate, so it means another good cycle. Except the down side is - we've had a lot of troubles with my 15yo brother getting himself into trouble - so my dad really needed me to travel to him and support him. So that's what I did - but my dad lives 6 hours away, so no chance to meet up with my donor :( I'll be home on sat, ovulation is meant to be friday. Seems such a waste of a good egg - they hardly ever come around!


----------



## K.N

I just created a new ticker - to count down until I begin IUI or IVF, Depending on our tests closer to the time. Realised I'm smack in the middle of my journey now! Have been ttc for 1 year 6 months, and have 1 year 7 months until my spot on the list. Crazy! Seems so weird the potential that waiting all the time I've waited, is going to double. But then I keep telling myself it doesn't feel like 18 months since I first started. So hopefully the wait won't feel like 18 months either! (unless i get a bfp before hand!)


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone! :hi: It's been a while. So much to catch up on.

*Caite* Congrats to your friend, awww a little girl <3

*unicornwish* That's great news. I hope it works out for you both. I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. Good luck, lots of babydust for you. I hope you get your bfp real soon! :hugs:

*CanadianMaple* You'll be doing your FET in a few days? I think you're taking the right approach. I cant imagine how heartbreaking it must have been when the first one didn't work. But you're right, just relax and think positive. Sometimes not being too exited helps us to alleviate the stress of ttc. I've got everything crossed for you hun. :dust:

*Keebs* :hugs:Thanks hun. Yeah just knowing what's wrong has made me feel a lot better. I know how to tackle it now. Yeah Vitex is amazing. I need to do a post on my blog about all the weird and wonderful herbs there are out there. I learn so much from you guys too. Love this forum. Aww fx you get a donation at the right time this month. I defintely know how you feel about not knowing when you'll ovulate. I must get through 40 opks a month lol. :dust:

*fairytales87* Hun, I'm so sorry you're feeling like this :( I've been freaking out myself, but more about actually being a mum. Sometimes you just dont feel capable. But you know we are all here for you, and if you do decide to come back, we'll be here to support you. Dont forget you can always inbox me, day or night. :hugs:

*somedayisnow* I hope you get your surgery date soon. Keep us posted. x

*viii* Hey, welcome back :hugs: Yeah those apps are awesome. A lot of us use Fertility Friend. It's the best ive seen so far. Aww I hope you'll continue to share your journey with us. Everyone is lovely here and all going through the same/similar things. x

*KN* I'm glad to hear that you're ovulating perfectly again. I know what you mean. It happens so rarely for some of us. I o'd two cycles ago and was unable to get a donation :( I was sad but you just have to be thankful for your body actually playing nice for once. It sounds like things are getting better for you. Nice ticker. I'm sure you'll get your bfp waaay before then though :hugs:

*AFM* Back from Prague. It was amazing!!! The architecture there was phenomenal. I'd definitely go back. Thankfully i didn't o on holiday :happydance: so I'm still waiting. I'm currently on cd27, i o'd cd35 last month so could be waiting a little while. Ran out of opks (i use like 100 a month lol) so ive quickly ordered some more from ebay. Come on team BFP we can do it!


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## CanadianMaple

melodyy_mtb- Thanks for thinking of me. I'm doing the transfer on Monday. I'm really nervous about it working and not working. It's scary to get to this point again on my own. I'm glad you had a great trip and you didn't O yet.


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## viii

Good luck, CanadianMaple. It's always great to see another Canadian!

Thanks for the welcome, ladies. I will admit, I don't understand a lot of the lingo, but I'm excited regardless. It's probably a bit early for me to even be discussing this (would love to be financially prepared before going through) but some days it's harder than others to wait.


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## somedayisnow

*melody*- Welcome back! :happydance: I'm moving Prague up on my list of must see places. Hopefully, one day soon I can visit with my child.

*CanadianMaple* - Good luck on Monday! Sending lots of baby dust your way!

*afm* - My surgery is set for September 26th. If all goes well that means that maybe just maybe I can have my first IUI in December? Maybe.


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## melodyy_mtb

*CanadianMaple* Aww that's ok hun. We're all here for each other :hugs: Good luck for Monday. Try to relax as much as possible. I have a good feeling about this month. I have everything crossed for you! 

*viii* Lol i was the same when I fist joined this forum. Here's a link to all of the abbreviations we use. https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/forum-help-testing-area/730-babyandbump-lingo-abbreviations.html
And remember, you can never be completely ready to have a child <3

*someday* :hugs: Thanks hun, Yes I'd definitely recommend it as a place to visit. It's beautiful, and so cheap! I only spent about £100 ($165). Aww I'm glad you got the date for your surgery. I hope you'll be able to start ttc soon after!


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## Keebs

*viii*
Hi :wave: 

Looking forward to following your journey to motherhood.

Like Melody, I'm use fertility friend, it's a big help in this ttc lark :thumbup: 


*K.N*
Arrrrgh, did you manage a donation... or did ovulation go ahead without you :growlmad: So frustrating when our bodies play nicely and life just steps on in and says 'NO way am I making it _this_ easy for you' :grr:


*melodyy_mtb*
Glad you enjoyed Prague, I confess I'm a little envious of your jet set lifestyle. DD and I are contemplating a caravan holiday somewhere in the highlands this year. Was hoping for an Indian summer but alas looks like it'll be the usual Scottish one. Must dig out our thermals and wellies :haha:

Did your OPKs arrive? Everything crossable crossed for you. C'mon BFP indeed :happydance:


*CanadianMaple*
:hugs: Can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now. You are such a strong lady. Good luck for Monday, I too am feeling really positive for you this month :happydance:


*somedayisnow*
You have a date. Hurrah! December will be here before we know it (is that sign we're getting older or what :haha:). Good luck for the surgery hun :flower:


As for me, early days this cycle yet. Thinking I'll schedule two donations and just hope the timing is right. Starting to get very excited now. My dd is sooooo ready for a wee brother or sister. She chases every pram/buggy she sees trying to glimpse the 'tiny baby' inside. Lol you should see her face if said tiny baby is bigger than she is :rofl: 

Recently discovered there is a pendulum test to determine how many children you will have (and what sex) Apparently I am having a girl, girl, boy.... unless I close my eyes and ask, then the pendulum doesn't move at all. Damn my overly scientific brain... but maybe my angels only feel it's worth telling me my future if I make the effort to see what they are saying :haha:


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## Byrnhild

Hello!

I'm also a single mom- to- be. Can't wait! I'm in my tww right now after my first iui 11 days ago.

Best of luck to everybody!!


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## CanadianMaple

I'm PUPO! It's done. It went smoothly and the blastocyst looked awesome. It's up to nature now...

Byrnhild- Have you tested from home yet? How exciting!!

Keebs- I hope this cycle is the one!

somedayisnow- So glad you have a date for your surgery!


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## melodyy_mtb

*Keebs* Lol I usually don't go anywhere. Travelling can be so expensive. I tend to go a year or two without going anywhere, then i take a few short cheap trips. Aww the Highlands would have been a beautiful trip. I actually lived in Fife for about 5 years. I love Scotland.

Yeah I got my opks. I seriously would recommend the ebay cheap midstream tests to anyone. They deliver so quickly. Thanks hun. I hope you get your donations at the perfect time this month. Go team BFP! :happydance: I've actually heard of the pendulum test. But im rather new-agy anyway lol. I'm sure your angels are watching over you :dust:

*Byrnhild* Welcome hun :hugs: You'll love it here. Everyone is really nice and supportive. Gl for this month. I guess you'll be testing soon?

*CanadianMaple* Eeeek so excited. I'll be thinking of you every day! Lots and lots of baby dust for you hun. Gl :happydance:

*AFM* I'm cd32. Last cycle I o'd on cd35, so that would be Friday. I got really bad cramps this morning, so i hope that's a good sign. Opks are still negative though. I hope I get a donation this month. Donor 2's car has broken down, and Donor 1 usually cant make evenings :/ Anyway, im sure it will all work out.

Hope everyone else is alright <3


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## K.N

Hi all :)

Glad to hear your transfer went well Canadian Maple! Sending lots of babydust your way! :)

Keebs - Unfortunately ovulation went ahead without me :( :( Hopefully I'll catch the next egg :) 

Welcome byrnhild :) - Best of luck for your tww - hope it goes quickly for you! That tww can always feel like a 2 year wait hahaa! Sending lots of baby dust your way too :)

Melody - That's unfortunate about donor 2's car! Hopefully one of your donors will be able to make your ovulation when it comes!! That's such a cheap trip - It's so expensive to travel anywhere in NZ hahaa. Sucks. Trip down to my dads cost me $100 - and that was via bus. I am however in the midst of trying to organise I quick "getaway" trip to the Pacific Island early next year :) 

Somedayisnow - o0oo December is not far away at all really! Hope your surgery goes well and you can get started ttc as soon as possible after! :)

lots of :dust: :dust: to you all - really hopeful this month :)


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## viii

Congrats CanadianMaple!

Feeling pretty down right about now. Having a child seems so far away and I want it so desperately right now. I am not financially prepared at all, though, and so it would seem foolish to attempt anything now.


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## melodyy_mtb

*KN* I know right! I was surprised by just how cheap it was. Gosh that does sound expensive, especially for a bus! 

I hope you're doing well anyway. I know you couldn't try this month :cry: But at least you o'd, and on time too! I hope everything goes smoothly for your next cycle. 

I got a + opk this morning! So I called d1 and luckily he was able to meet me on my lunch break. He's coming back tomorrow too :happydance: It means inseminating at work two days in a row, but beggars cant be choosers lol.

*viii* Try not to feel disheartened. It will happen. I completely understand you holding off until your financially secure, but children really don't need as much money as we think. The most important thing is that you are ready and filled with love to give. :hugs:


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## K.N

Wohooo about the positive opk this morning melody!! Can imagine it was ALMOST as exciting as a positive preg test haha!! especially when opks are about rare lol.
I really really am xing my fingers and toes and wishing for baby dust for you! Out of all the attempts everyones having; i hope we get positive tests in two weeks.

vii - What melody said - I too completely understand the want too hold off a little; its a lovely thought that we want to all spoil our babies rotten with cute clothes and cool toys - but babies don't cost as much as people make out, sure you need to afford nappies and what not - but at the end of the day, a lot of the costs people talk about - are "extras". I've been buying little bits and pieces to put aside for awhile now when i have a few extra dollars at the end of the week, bottles - dummies, unisex clothes etc, because im not working right now - so at least while my finances arent stable - i will have the stuff i need should i fall pregnant before i start working. I know people say it jinxes conception - and is a silly idea, but i don't tend to believe that sort of stuff - and when i conceive i know how glad ill be to be able to layby other things (pram/cot/etc) the bigger once off costs. :)


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## Keebs

*Byrnhild* 
Hello :flower: Your tww must be nearly over. Everything crossed for you.


*K.N*
Bah, was really hoping your egg would have hung on another day or two. Next egg it is then :flower:

Totally agree that buying bits and bobs as you go helps. I tried very hard to be a minimalist Mum, but much of my stuff got toally out of hand because I forgot what I already hand :dohh: I don't belive it jinxes things either, indeed one popular school of thought actively encourages it (live as though you already have your dream and all that). Can't be long now before your baby will be here to put your stash through its paces.

*CanadianMaple*
Woohoo... you are officially PUPO :happydance: (have I got that term right?) hope your wee bean is burrowing in nice and tight.


*viii*
:hugs: Wanting to be a mum, yet not being able to is pants. I went through a sort of grieving process when I turned 35 and thought my chances were over. It was hard. Then I discovered fertility clinics cater for single ladies, from there known donors, and never looked back. All in, from realising my dream was not impossible, to finding a donor and concieving, it was a little over 3 months. 

Only you will be able to determine how stable you need your finances to be before ttc, but I would like to echo Melody and KN. Babies/children don't have to cost much at all. My dd's favourite toy for a long time was my collection of wooden spoons. She enjoys her toys more now but still, her favourite things to do are stand on her head and play at the park (not neccessarilly together).

Honestly, I find I want to buy stuff because I get pleasure giving it, but she rarely needs it.

It's never foolish to follow your dreams. Perhaps, if you want it so desperately right now it's because now is exactly the right time :flower:


*melodyy_mtb*
Yay for donor 1 comming up trumps, and kudos to you inseminating at work :happydance: So excited on your behalf lol. This surely has to be it, :dust: :dust: galore for you :hugs:


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## CanadianMaple

I got a BFP this morning. OMG! I'm scared now!!


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## SpudsMama

Wow! Congratulations Becky!! :happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## Keebs

:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:

Eeeeek! Fabulous news. Huge congratulations, a very happy and healthy nine months to you.


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## viii

CONGRATULATIONS!!! That's so amazing!!

And thank you for the support ladies!! Both of my best friends are pregnant right now so it's constantly on my mind. As nice as it would be to do it with someone and have the support, I refuse to let that fact dissuade me from living my dream. 

Loving this board, you ladies have given me hope.


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## K.N

Eeeeek congrats canadian maple!!! :happydance::happydance:
So happy for you :)


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## somedayisnow

Canadian Maple, I actually screamed when I read your post. Congratulations! :headspin:


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## melodyy_mtb

OMG CanadianMaple!!!!!!!! I had to read that over and over! I'm so happy for you hun. Wow! I bet you burst into tears when you saw it. :hugs::hugs::hugs::happydance::happydance::happydance:

You'll be an amazing mum, as you already are to your ds. xxx

*KN* Lol its so true. Pos opks are so rare for some ladies, as you know. When I saw the first one, I was jumping around like an excited maniac. Heavens knows what I'll be like with an actual bfp! But aww thank you hun. Can't wait till your next try. :hugs:

*Keebs* Aww thanks hun. I hope this is my month but I'm not getting my hopes up too much. SI at work is both hilarious and impractical. I worry about not being on my bed with my legs up for an hour. But I guess women get pregnant in all sorts of locations lol. 

How are you anyway? Close to o'ing?


----------



## CanadianMaple

I haven't told a soul IRL. Mom is here at my camper and I just want to be alone to process it all. She's so nosy!! 

Today's test was darker!! I hope it all goes smoothly!


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## Rags

Canadian Maple, amazing. So pleased for you. I understand the need for quiet time to process everything and have a bit of peaceful inner joy before the world gets hold of the news. Enjoy. Xx


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## Keebs

Yay for darker lines :happydance: Does your Mum know about the transfer? I waited until after my dating scan to tell close family and friends, the rest of the world knew at 18 weeks. Just didn't want others questions/opinions impinging on my joy/intermitent panic. Hope you manage to get a bit of time to yourself :hugs:



I finally got a donation last night :happydance: followed by positive opk today. Fingers crossed for ovulation tonight. Not too hopeful as lost half the sample due to distractions provided by my darling daughter, but any hope is better than none I suppose.


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## K.N

Understandable about wanting to be by yourself to process it for a bit yourself before telling people; Process a few thoughts and come to terms with the fact that you are pregnant! I imagine, I'll be somewhat the same! :)

Keebs woohoo for positive opk and donation! Even a small amount to make it is better than none - all you need is one healthy little swimmer to make it! :) Everything is crossed for you to get a good result :D

Melody - you're definitely right about the ways people get pregnant! It can happen in all sorts of places, ways etc! So doing the deed at work, is better than not at all :D

Afm: I got my monthly, on time!!!! That confirms my ovulation too - I just knew I had ovulated well last month, so a period on time confirms that for me too. And I know I've had a good cycle - so my body CAN still cycle by itself too. Here's hoping after an ovulation, and period - my body is now ready to cycle again by itself so I can give this month a go :)

vii - we're all here to support one another :D Doing it with a partner always will have it's benefits, but then I think to myself how affected I was by my parents divorce when I was 11 - and how affected other kids are by things like that, and we all love to think that our partners and us will be together forever; but sometimes it just doesn't happen like that - I find comfort in knowing my child from this will never be dragged between parents, will never witness divorce, will never have 2 conflicted parents or anything like that, the decisions i make - i can follow through with, without consulting the other parent who may not like those views etc. Sure our kids won't have a daddy/2nd mummy - and we'll have to explain why at some point, but there are definitely many positive that will come from being a smbc :) I'm looking forward to not having to share baby snuggs at night times <3. 

Hope everyone else is going well x


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## CanadianMaple

I have told a few close friends, but only 3 people know. I'll tell mom after the beta on Saturday and then keep it quiet for a few more weeks. I think the dating scan is 4 weeks after the beta, so that will take me into October. I'm only telling mom because she knew about the FET. I wish I hadn't told a soul. 

I just mowed part of my lawn. I hate that part, no one is around to do it for me, and I don't want to tell many people yet to get any offers to help. I just did a bit at a time and am now resting. 

Keebs- Did you ovulate? Crossing my fingers for you!


----------



## Caite

Hi ladies. It's been about 3 weeks since I was last on here. Wow, time certainly does fly! 

I've been busy with work and my new commitment - 2 orphaned little kittens which have required bottle feeding and toileting every couple of hours. I thought I was laid back and would be the same when I became a mum. Now, I'm not so sure - I've been worried about a load of issues with them (whether they had enough milk? too much milk? if they weed enough or pooed enough), that now I'm worried I'm going to be one of those mums back and to to the GP with the baby. Anyway, they're weaned and toileting themselves now, so not quite so tied to them, but until these last few days, I've barely had time to do anything else. 

I hope everyone is well? So much to catch up on. Congratulations on the BFP, CandianMaple. :happydance: I'm over the moon for you. 

Melody - Prague sounds good, and so cheap. I've not been abroad for years - maybe its somewhere I should consider.

Fairytales - I'm not sure what's happened the last few weeks, but we're all here for you. :hugs:

KN - sorry you missed your ovulation in August. But at least it was on time, and FX for this month. I hope the problems with your brother have been sorted out.

Vii - welcome back. The lingo is a bit daunting to begin with, but you soon pick it up. I know where you are coming from. I need to be financially stable before I start TTC. I know babies don't need to cost much, but it's the other expenses like paying my mortgage etc whilst on maternity leave (as well as the cost of actually getting pregnant) that I need to have money for.

Brynhild - welcome to our little thread.

Keebs - FX the donation was successful, even if it wasn't a full donation used!

I've read a good few pages, and someone said hurrah a few times - every time I hear that word I think of Bridget Jones!


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## melodyy_mtb

*CanadianMaple* Still soooo happy for you! I know times like when you mowed the lawn might get you down, but just remember that you are a strong woman, who will be an amazing mother to your little bean, just as you are to your son now. And never forget that your husband is always watching over you. :hugs:

*Keebs* Glad you got a donation :happydance: It doesnt matter that you lost some, like KN said, all you need is one little spermy! That's you in your tww now. Fx for you hun!

*KN* Yay for a normal ovulatory cycle! :happydance: Even though you didnt get to try, at least your body is doing what it should be doing. Good luck for this month. I hope you get a donation on time.

*Caite* Aww look at you being a mummy already. This is good practise hehe. So cute. i'm definitely a cat person. I had 6 cats all called John at one point. I've had three in the house im living in now. I currently just have one, my little princess Robert loool. Hope you're enjoying every moment with them.

*Well ladies things have taken a crazy turn for me.* I've written all about it in my blog, im exhausted and slightly devastated, but I'll try to give the short version. Basically yesterday i had my appointment with my consultant. It was one of the worst experiences I've ever gone through. Long story short, he has refused to prescribe me medication to treat my pcos and help me ovulate. His reason? He doesnt agree with the way in which I am choosing to ttc. He could not ethically treat a single woman using a known donor. If however, I was a straight woman with a partner, there would be no problem.

The consultant said that the only way I will be able to receive treatment would be to go through a private clinic for IUI or IVF. When i explained that I couldn't afford it, he said I would be eligible for funded IVF but i would have to have paid for 6 failed IUIs first, and then be put on the waiting list. I basically left his office in tears and broke down in the toilet. I even hugged an old lady outside lol.

Anyway I've calmed down now and I'm ready to dust myself off and fight yet again. I have been saving to buy a home for me and my future baby, but i have decided to use that money for fertility treatment instead. I have so much research and number crunching to do, my head is spinning. I'm giving myself 5 months to sort everything out. That way I can get more natural tries in before things get serious. 

So yeah, I'll be joining team IVF in a few months, if i don't get lucky and conceive before hand. Speaking of which, im 9dpo today lol.


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## SpudsMama

Wow Melody, that seriously sucks arse :( It gets my back up when people discriminate against us :growlmad: Some single parent families turn out a hell of a lot better than families with the traditional mum and dad setup!! But then, we all know that :haha: I really hope it all works out for you :hugs: It'd be awesome if you got your :bfp: before having to spend all of that money though! 

AFM - I haven't been TTC for the last couple of months as other stuff has been getting in the way. My LO's second birthday was crazy busy and I'm currently in the middle of getting her settled in at the local playgroup a couple of mornings a week. *BUT*, things are looking up... I think I remember mentioning that I had to look for and start trying with a new donor because my daughter's had quit after his father passed away. Well when I sent him an update on Phoebe (I email him little anecdotes on her progress as well as recent pics every couple of months) he replied to say that he's giving it another go and wants to help me conceive baby #2!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: He's only committing to the recipients who he already has children by, i.e. me and a lesbian couple who have a son a few months younger than my LO. AND assuming I don't ovulate too late (I'm off on a short holiday on the 19th which will be CD18) we intend to start this month!! :yipee: The timing couldn't be better because the other donor I ended up with was messing around a lot. He was buying gadgets to help strengthen his sperm samples? :saywhat: And I also found out he wasn't donating nearby as he'd implied in our preliminary chats, he was doing it at home and then driving 45-60 minutes with it in the car... and then he has the audacity to moan about his lack of success recently :roll: A shame because he's a nice enough guy, he just doesn't have a clue what he's doing :dohh:


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## CanadianMaple

I just had my beta. It was only 146.3 The other FET girls that transfered the same day as me got results in the 300s. I'm feeling scared that something is wrong. And today is what should have been DH's birthday. I'm so scared although the clinic seemed positive about it. And I have to wait a week and a day until the next beta.

I'll be back for personals. I just have myself upset.


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## Rags

Melodyy-mtb, what an awful consultation and how ridiculous of the consultant. It is non of his business that you will be making yourself a single parent it is just his job to treat your medical condition. I was welcomed with open arms to the NHS assisted conception unit at Ninewells in Dundee and my single status was never questioned. I was offered the opportunity to apply for funding if I wished and told that being single would not preclude me from receiving it - I chose to self fund though as I'd originally thought I would have to go to a private clinic and had planned for it. I am positive that you would be more than entitled to seek a second opinion should you choose. I can't remember how receptive your GP was? Would they know of anywhere else that you could be referred to? 

I have to say though that if it were me I too would be dipping into my mortgage fund and just going for it. Good luck to you and two fingers up to anyone who thinks they have the right to question the way we decide to make our loving, caring families.


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## melodyy_mtb

*SpudsMama* I know right! Families come in all shapes and sizes. All that matters is the love and stability. Ugh I never thought someone in that profession, would be capable of discrimination like that. Screw him anyway. I just hope by seeing what a state I was in, he will think about how he handles patients going forward. Thanks hun :hugs: I just hope my ovaries are as angry as I am, and will get into serious baby making mode from now on :haha:

That's wonderful news about your donor! How sweet of him willing to help you have a full sibling for your lo. That other guy sounds crazy haha. Back in the day I actually found a guy like that. He'd send me a list of things to buy on Amazon :wacko: Eeek I hope that you o at the right time this month!

*CanadianMaple* Try not to worry. You shouldn't compare yourself to other pg women, as long as the clinic are happy with your progress. I know the wait until your next beta will probably drive you crazy lol. I hope time passes quickly and everything is ok. :hugs:

*Rags* Thanks so much. I was hoping to hear what you thought of it, given the wonderful experience you had with Nine Wells. I used to live close to Dundee as well whilst i was at uni. I should have stayed lol. Writing everything out has definitely helped, and I've begun thinking about a plan. I just hope that horrible man changes his ways. Unfortunately he is the only nhs fertility consultant in my town, and monopolizes all private clinics in the whole of the county! He's like the fertility mafia or something lol. 

I've got an appointment with my GP next week. She is lovely. I'm going to tell her what happened and see if it is worth raising a formal complaint. I'll continue to try naturally for the next few months. The Vitex is slowly sorting out my cycles anyway, but then it's operation IVF. 

*Question* What's everyone's thoughts on IUI and IVF? I'm leaning more towards IVF just for a higher chance of success, but IUI is so much cheaper.


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## K.N

Caite: Time definitely does fly huh! Glad you've been busy though; Sometimes finding things to keep busy is best! I'm sure when you have a little bubba - you'll soon adjust to the different cries etc and relax :D And if not - better to be a loving caring over reacting mumma, then one who just doesn't care! :)

Spudsmama: o0o that's cool that he's willing to help you out a second time, having two fully related kids will be a lot better; not that they'd love each other less - 1/2 siblings are fine, i have some and love them juuust as much, but having the same donor - will be so much better for you I think :) Had a little giggle at the other donor buying "gadgets" hahaa. (Then felt bad because you said he was nice, just not very knowledgeable. )

Canadian Maple: Aw, Stay strong - think positive! I know it must be hard though - we're natural worriers! So I'll think positive enough for the both of us. :hugs:

Melody: I was just reading your blog, it must've been awful :( :( I wish people wouldn't judge us single mums by choice. What a good medical professional would do - would be to either a) prescribe something to help the ovulation and PCOS - for general health and cycles, not even just ttc or b) look into things and suggest actual help and advice on what to do - rather than just say because you're single, you don't need medication. Your blog bought tears to my eyes, noone should ever be as judgemental as that :( I just wanted to hug you and tell you it'd be ok! I KNOW I cannot afford IVF or IUI - I feel terrible for saying donor and I are in a relationship, but I guess I wasn't as strong as you to "hope" for a miracle in which people and medical treatment wont be based on judgement :( Here in NZ it's somewhat similar - single woman can get free ivf after 12 rounds of IUI :(. 

As for your question regarding IUI and IVF - I've done A LOT of the same thinking lately, because I too have to decide. IUI would be my preference - less invasive, less medicine, less pain (eg egg retrievals etc), all in all "less of everything" however; also - less success. IVF is more of everything - and the odds are much higher etc as they implant an embryo directly. So the egg is fertilised, and grown, and all the hard part is done - really it just has to stick. It would be awesome to pay once - and get a baby, in one round of treatment and be done with it! But the thought of what IVF entails - makes me really think is the "chance" that IUI might be all I need, worth taking? The thought of going through less treatment, medicine and less invasive seems so much nicer. With IUI - they induce ovulation, which is my problem - so with induced ovulation, and if the sperm is put where it needs to be; will I succeed? That's my trouble at the moment, I've never been a gambler - and that's all this feels like to me. An expensive, life changing gamble. :/.

Who knows, I guess noone knows - both IUI and IVF come down to luck, just like natural conception, they both just have higher odds in their favour. I don't think I answer your question really sorry - I guess what I'm tryna say is just think about it - google it, look at brochures etc; and don't be afraid to ask questions about either treatment. Go with your initial gut instinct! I'm sure that first thought - is always the one we end up taking anyway :) xxx :hugs:


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## CanadianMaple

melodyy_mtb- I'm sorry you have to worry about all of this. Can you see another doctor and see how he or she treats you before you move on to more invasive TTC? I've tried IUI (cycle canceled) and then moved to IVF. I know I felt good giving IUI a try before moving to IVF. It took away some of the what ifs we had in our minds. With my PSOS, I just didn't respond the way they wanted and it was canceled. My only real fear with IUI is that they let me have up to 4 follicles and I don't know if I would want to risk having twins on my own. You have lots of time to think about it before getting to the point of having to actually decide. 

Thank you for the support yesterday. I am feeling a bit more positive today. I hate that I have to wait a week from today for my beta, I always thought most clinics do it every 2 days. If I have any more spotting or bad cramping, I am going to call and bug them.


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## fairytales87

Canadian maple: I'm keeping everything crossed for you hopefully all will be well hugs

Melody: Regarding iui or Ivf I was choosing to do iui because I've found that's all most clinics I looked at allowed once they discovered I was doing treatment as a single person! It's all mind boggling when you start looking at clinics and which treatment etc but you'll get there and be an excellent mama!

I got two stunning pink lines this morning on an OT for the 1st time ever so I'm a rather excited girlie today even though I'm not starting to try until Oct!!


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## Rags

Melodyy: I was 40 when I went down the IUI route and apart from being single had no other reason to suspect I wouldn't be able to conceive without assistance. When I first began at home insemination at 38 I would not even have considered IVF but to be honest by the time I was beginning my treatment I was really questioning if I should have pursued IVF instead. As I mentioned before I got my DS from my 3rd unmedicated cycle, no scans, no checking if there were any follicles there, no triggering ovulation, just OPKs and insemination 36 hours after my positives. By this point I had already decided that if I did not manage during my next 3 tries (which would have been fully medicated and include scans and triggering - but not if there were more than 2 follicles above 15 mm) I would go down the IVF route and I was putting the money aside for this. At 43 and trying for number 2 although I knew it was virtually impossible for me to get a positive using even medicated IUI I decided on that route again - had I not had my son already it would have been IVF all the way until I got my bundle to cuddle. 

I really think that if I were in your position I would probably be having a consultation about the IVF route and how it may work for you. If you have a good Dr they will be really up front with you and go into all of the pros and cons. I pop my head into the Ninewells ACU thread at times and it's amazing how positive the ladies are and often after having a bad outcome after a transfer they can be so incredibly positive when they know that they still have some frozen embies there waiting on their turn. Good luck.


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## Caite

Melody, that is absolutely awful. He should not be letting his personal prejudices dictate the treatment he provides. He should base his care on his medical assessment of you. The NHS does not exclude single women from fertility treatment so he is not able to do so either. If he is not happy to treat single women, he should have referred you to a doctor who is. I would definitely be complaining to the clinic and possible even to the GMC.

I'm planning on having IVF (although I've not discussed it with a clinic yet) as I have a mucked up cycle and it will give me the best chance. Although, as you said, it is a lot more expensive than IUI. Have you looked at going abroad? It is a lot cheaper than here in the UK.

And the kittens are definitely giving me a taste of motherhood. It was tiring, but they're now becoming more independent so that's good. I really, really don't want to formula feed - it was such a faff making up the formula, cleaning bottles etc.

CanadianMaple - I hope you're feeing better today.

Spudsmama - that's great about the donor. He sounds really nice and helpful. I hope you manage to ovulate before you go on holiday.

Fairytales - yay for the pink lines! October's not too far away now.


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## CanadianMaple

I think I'm miscarrying. Red bleeding with clots. I knew it. :(


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## K.N

Awwwwwww big hugs Canadian maple :( :( you poor thing <3. Praying for a miracle and that it's just something weird going on!! :hugs: :hugs:


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## SpudsMama

CanadianMaple - :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Rags

CanadianMaple, just read your post. I am so hoping that things have settled down? Bug hugs from me.


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## somedayisnow

CanadianMaple, I really really hope you're wrong. Sending you positive thoughts. :hugs:


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## CanadianMaple

My beta doubled and the bleeding stopped. I was told to be cautiously optimistic. The beta on Sat was 146 and today (3 days later) was 312, so it doubled in less than 72 hours like it should have. I get a repeat beta on Saturday morning and that should tell more about what's going on. I'm so scared to bleed like I did at work.


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## SpudsMama

That's fantastic news CM! :) Maybe it was a random bout of late implantation bleeding? :shrug:


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## CanadianMaple

Someone told me about subchorionic hematomas (sp?) and I seem to fit the bill for that... No idea. They are pretty hands off in early pregnancy, it's all up to nature they say. So far, so good!


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## Rags

Oh CM, I'm so pleased that your beta is continuing to go up. I don't know anything about sp but I hope things continue to be settled for you.


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## K.N

Grrr. My laptop is being so annoying, I just wrote out a massive post - And my laptop decided to go back a few pages; and now my post is wiped :( *sigh*.

Canadianmaple - I haven't heard of those hematomas sorry, However I have known a few woman who've bled early on in pregnancy; especially those who had a light period the month before. I'm not too sure what causes this - but it is definitely heard of. And the fact that your betas did double is a good sign - I hope like heck, sat brings even more good news to you. My fingers and toes and everything are crossed for you & a sticky little bean! :) x

AFM: What a hectic, hectic week. IF I was a drinker, which Im not - at all; Id seriously be reaching for the wine right now. I'm about to start another new job at a shop called Baby City - a department store for baby products, (convenient huh!), but it means I've had to tell my local kindy that I started relieving on call for - that I am no longer completely available for those hours anymore. However as well as shuffling my two jobs for the next two weeks - I am also fertile next week, should I actually ovulate. Plus my donor is out of town for work - but happy to meet after work. So now I need to shuffle my two jobs, my donors out of town job, and my fertile days - and hope for a good outcome! Where there is a will, there is a way! And I'm hoping so bad that it all works out. It's been so long since I've tried, Well 2 months - feels like a lifetime! But I don't want to call another month off, especially not because of work. 
Oh also - My flatmate/one of my many bestfriends just found out she's pregnant a couple days ago - woohoo, so happy for her! But I couldn't help but think "wish it was me" :( Which makes me feel so crappy inside!! ALSO I'm worried that now if I get pregnant, people are going to think it's just because she is. And I can't just tell them actually I've been trying to conceive for nearly 2 years and it was just coincidence we got pregnant together. My sisters also come off the pill again, and is ready for baby #2 - she's so fertile, she'll get pregnant almost straight away. AND another of my super close friends either lately, seems to complain to me daily about how fertile she is, and how she can't afford the birth control she wants. She is a really really close friend of mine - so I find her complaints about fertility quite upsetting, probably even more so than all the pregnancies around me at the moment (not you canadian maple!! Meaning my close friends who are up to 3rd, 4th and 5th kids!!) . I really just wish I had a friend who I could chat too about everything over coffee!! I guess I'm just "jealous" but really I'm so stoked for them too - so many emotions and thoughts!! It sucks doing this so secretive. :(


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## SpudsMama

A BnB friend of mine had a subchorionic hematoma and she bled quite heavily for ages. She now has an amazing 2 year old boy! :) She was TTC with a donor too actually :haha: 

Wow, things sound hectic your way KN! :shock: I hope it all works out and you get a well timed donation :hugs:


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## K.N

SpudsMama said:


> Wow, things sound hectic your way KN! :shock: I hope it all works out and you get a well timed donation :hugs:

Thanks Spudsmama :) - Am feeling a lot more relaxed today after thinking about it a little more, I'm sure it'll all work out - just feels a little hectic at the moment! :)


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone :hi: 

It's been a while. Not really that long, but a while in bandb world lol. Got my :bfn: this cycle :( well AF came, but still... I'm not too sad about it, I didn't go crazy ss this cycle and I didn't have a very good feeling about it, what with si at work. But I'm ready for this next cycle. Definitely going with donor2 this month so I can inseminate at home. I've also switched to smaller syringes after I saw it suggested on a youtube video. So even after the unpleasantness with Mr Evil Consultant, I'm feeling pretty positive. Oh and I've stopped my vitex so I can give the soy another go. [-o&lt;

*KN* Aww, you're so sweet. I've done my crying. It is what it is. I'm ready to fight again. I totally would have said my donor was my bf, if i had a second chance. I know so many people who do it. It's a shame we have to lie but the world can be so judgmental. I've had time to process things. I think I'm definitely leaning towards ivf, but that could easily change over the next few months. 

Wow what a crazy week! I wanted to drink for you reading that lol. Aww I know what it's like juggling ovulation and work. It happens so rarely, it's heartbreaking if for some reason you dont get to try. I hope everything works out for you this cycle. At least you know round about when you should be ovulating so fx that you and your donor and organise time.

*CanadianMaple* Thanks you :hugs: Sadly I cant see another consultant, as this one covers the whole of my county. But like I said to KN, im over it now. I'm jsut focused on getting pregnant naturally before i have to go with something more invasive. I'm sorry to hear about your bleeding scar,e but so happy that your beta levels are increasing. I have everything crossed that this will be a happy and easy 9 months. xx

*fairytales87* Thanks buddy :hugs: So sweet of you to say. I know, it is crazy going through all these clinics and pricing everything up. I'm trying to just do a bit a day. Great news about your + opk!!! :happydance: I know you're not trying this month but i swear ovulating is nearly as exciting as getting a bfp, for me anyway. Ovulation is like the holy grail lol. Cant wait till you start ttc! 

*Rags* Thank you so much for your input. You definitely help calm me down and make things seem more doable. I've got an appointment with my dr next week so I'll definitely be discussing things. I'm looking forward to speaking to an ivf specialist and finding out exactly how it will work for me. So are you trying for no2 now? I've never really asked if you're currently ttc.

*Caite* I know! Ugh, i was absolutely livid, but I have moved on from that. My cycles are a mess too, so yeah I'm definitely leaning towards ivf. I've briefly researched going abroad. I think i'd need to take about 2 weeks off work though, is that true? You know much more about the process.


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## Rags

Hi Melodyy, I'm delighted if I can bring anything to your journey, and to everyone else's. As for am I still trying to conceive, no, unfortunately not. I would have loved a second child, and I know my Ds would have loved a little brother or sister but it just didn't happen. I tried 6 IUI's when I was 43 and Ds was about 18 months with no luck. I had hoped to try earlier but Ds was still breast feeding and my cycle didn't return for over a year. I thought about stopping him sooner but that would not have been fare on him. We are now at the point where at 4 he is at nursery and I am still able to work part time, get lots of time with him, cover the bills and have a couple of short breaks away. If I were to continue trying I'd have to go back to work full time and go down the IVF route too which would impact hugely on both of our lives and not let me give him the kind of start in life that I want to achieve for him, so therefore I have stopped trying. (also I'll be 46 at Christmas and don't think my reproductive system will keep ticking along nicely for to much longer!!
I am a big beleiver that age doesn't always matter but not for having a family. It's a big part of the reason I am so happy to hear of how many of you are beginning this in there 20's and early 30's - it allows the option of having more than one.


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## CanadianMaple

OMG! I just lost a huge post to you all. :(

I just found out that I am still pregnant. Today's beta was 1800. It was 320 on Tuesday. No more bleeding. Ultrasound on Oct 5.


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## CanadianMaple

melodyy_mtb- I'm so sorry about the BFN. You have such a good attitude, I know you will get that baby. 

SpudsMama- Your post really gave me hope when I read it a few days ago. The nurse mentioned that it could have been that, it makes sense. 

K.N.- I'm so sorry for the rough week! Pregnancy announcements sting. I have been dealing with those feelings since our IF diagnosis in Dec 2011. I really hope that all works out for next week with the donation and everything else.

Thank you for all the positive posts to me this week. It really was such an emotional time and it was difficult not having anyone I could really talk to about it IRL.


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## somedayisnow

CanadianMaple, that's a great number! I'm so happy for you! :happydance:


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## CanadianMaple

Thank you. I'm scared about doing this alone now that I'm pregnant!


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## K.N

woohoo canadian maple - im so happy for you! hopefully no more little scares and you have a wonderful pregnancy! seeing those results must've been so reassuring!

sorry you didnt get your bfp melody :(. What were the suggestions on smaller syringes? i might have to youtube :) im always so apprehensive, some weird stuff comes up sometimes! goodluck for this cycle melody - really hoping for you!

rags, i definitely agree with melody - its always so comforting to have someone "on the other side" per say, you've got your little boy and its comforting having you here - even if you aren't currently here trying to conceive! You're a good mum to your boy!! :) When i started my journey at 20, it seemed so crazy to think i was prepared to throw away my "fun years" as everyone called them - but that was never an issue for me. Now, a year and a half later - im so glad i started when i did! I never would have guess i had pcos, and with a 2 year wait for treatment from when i went on the list - plus the initial year of ttc at home; its turned into a much longer journey than i expected; so im glad i have time - should i want more :)


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## melodyy_mtb

*Rags* You definitely have helped. Like KN said, it helps having someone who has been through it and has a lo to show for it. I'm sorry that having a second child turned out not to be part of your life's journey, but I fully understand your reasons for not continuing to try. You are an amazing mother, always putting your child first. :hugs:

*CanadianMaple* That's great news! :happydance: So happy your beta is increasing as it should. I know you must be very anxious about this pregnancy, but things are going according to plan. Just relax and take care of yourself and bump. I know you can feel alone at times, but we are always here for you <3 Aww and thanks for being so sweet. Hopefully we will all be joining you with our own little bumps soon.

*KN* Aww thanks hun. I'm just ready for yet another cycle, youknow how it is lol. Yeah well I saw this "my insemination kit" video and the girl who had successfully gotten pregnant twice said she'd switched form 10ml syringes to 2ml, as she was having a lot of trouble with leakage before. Obviously you have to be extremely careful and never insert it too high, but I'm already so damn cautious with the 10ml ones anyway. I still have loads of 10ml, just thought I'd give these other ones a try. It cant hurt. Anyway, how are you? Where are you at in your cycle? :hugs:

*AFM* Nothing much to report. I'm cd6, af stopped yesterday, so I'll start my opks tomorrow. When you suffer from irregular cycles, you never know when you're going to o, so i just test all throughout the cycle lol. Last time i o'd on cd34, so I could have a bit of a wait, but I am praying the soy iso's help me o earlier this month. Keep your fingers crossed ladies. x


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## Caite

Canadianmaple - I am so excited for you. And whilst I don't know about betas, that sounds like a really good increase!

Melody - from what I understand about going abroad, a lot of the monitoring can be done over here, and obviously the medication is self-administered, so that can be done over here, too. So long as tests were done recently, they will accept tests from the UK (such as smears, bloods etc), but I can't remember within what timeframe they need to be. I've not spoken to any clinics yet, just as I never seem to be getting any closer to TTC, but from what I understand, you need to go and have an appointment with them at the start of treatment where you will be given a prescription, any scans that are needed throughout the cycle can be done over here in the UK, and then obviously head back over there for the actual IVF, which I think would need to be a few days visit, to allow the fertilisation process to be done. Frozen transfers wouldn't need as many days as they obviously would already be fertilised. From what I have looked at, the IVF is a lot cheaper than doing it over here, even when you look at the cost of flights and hotels. I've been looking at Copenhagen, and that is meant to be an expensive city, but hotels and flights there seem reasonable, too.


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## Rags

Melody - from what I understand about going abroad, a lot of the monitoring can be done over here, and obviously the medication is self-administered, so that can be done over here, too. So long as tests were done recently, they will accept tests from the UK (such as smears, bloods etc), but I can't remember within what timeframe they need to be. I've not spoken to any clinics yet, just as I never seem to be getting any closer to TTC, but from what I understand, you need to go and have an appointment with them at the start of treatment where you will be given a prescription, any scans that are needed throughout the cycle can be done over here in the UK, and then obviously head back over there for the actual IVF, which I think would need to be a few days visit, to allow the fertilisation process to be done. Frozen transfers wouldn't need as many days as they obviously would already be fertilised. From what I have looked at, the IVF is a lot cheaper than doing it over here, even when you look at the cost of flights and hotels. I've been looking at Copenhagen, and that is meant to be an expensive city, but hotels and flights there seem reasonable, too.[/QUOTE]

Melody, I follow one of the other assisted conception threads for people attending Ninewells Hospital. One of the ladies on that has had treatment in Prague and been supported by the team at Ninewells for additional scans etc. and they also offered to do her early pregnancy scan. You could look in on the thread and you may get some pointers from what she has already posted.


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## SpudsMama

Just a quick post to say I'm in the two week wait!! :happydance: Donor came round this evening after I got a positive OPK earlier in the day. He also met Phoebe who he helped to conceive in 2011 (she was his first AI baby)! I'd expected it to be weird but it really wasn't :) He played with her for ages before going off to... do his bit :sick: :haha:


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## CanadianMaple

Awesome!! When are you going to start testing? Fingers crossed for you!!


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## SpudsMama

Well hopefully I won't until the day before AF is due, so 13-14dpo. I always cave ridiculously early though :blush:


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## Caite

FX for you, Spudsmama.

I've had some really weird and very vivid dreams the last few nights. The first night I dreamt I was pregnant and was going for my 20 week scan and found out I was having a boy. I hadn't told anyone (!) and told my mum I was going to have a baby boy. The second night I dreamt about Christmas, and I was desperately trying to get my last few bits for Christmas (not presents, just stuff for Christmas) and even though it was Christmas morning, the town was really quite busy still, and it was the town I grew up in and live near, but the shops were where they were when I was younger, before some of them moved in to newer/bigger premises. The third night was just a really weird dream and I'm not even that sure what was meant to be going on in it!


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## somedayisnow

*Spudsmama*, seeing Phoebe with her donor must have been so interesting to watch. Did you notice any shared traits beyond looks? Like did they move similarly or talk the same? Also I have everything crossed for your tww. :thumbup:

*Caite*, those are some weird but awesome dreams. I don't know about the last one but the first two definitely have to do with family and childhood and familiarity. You're going to be a mother. I just know it. :flower:


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## SpudsMama

They did have a few similar traits, being meticulous with lining up toys etc :haha: No idea about talking though as Phoebe is being referred to speech therapy for not talking yet :dohh: .

Those are some very weird dreams Caite! When I was TTC I had a dream I was having a 20 week scan and being told girl, it was right!!


----------



## Caite

Hopefully it means something!

That's interesting that they both a similar mannerisms, Spudsmama.


----------



## fairytales87

Spudsmama: Good luck with the tww hope you get your bfp:hugs: 
That must have been special to watch your daughter and your donor together and see the similarities 

Caite: Those are some dreams maybe they will have some significance to
things changing soon! 

Canadian maple: I'm delighted for you that your beta numbers came back good! Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months for you and bump:hugs:

KN & Melody: hope your both well?

Update from me: This week is my 1st appointment at my 1st choice of clinic I'm so nervous and don't really know what to expect! I've got lots of questions yet I'm not sure what I want to ask! I still can't believe I'm this close to ttc!!!


----------



## Caite

I hope so, Fairytales. They seemed so real!

Good luck with you appointment. You do realise that I'll be wanting to know everything?

I was speaking to a patient at work the other day who had been through IVF. Unfortunately it wasn't successful for her, but it was a long time ago, and she seemed to be at peace with the outcome. I think, as I see the end result the most, I sometimes forget that it doesn't always work, and when I do remember, I panic about it. But it was nice to see that, even when it doesn't work, things turn out OK.

I was also working on the ward next to the gynae ward the other day and we were sharing a corridor to the wards. Off that corridor is the fertility clinic, and they had big posters up about the embryo development and reducing the incidence of multiples. It was really exciting walking up that corridor.


----------



## K.N

Fairytails: Good luck with your appointment hun :)- I hope it goes well. Don't hesitate to walk in with a note book of questions you think of between now and then! :) Let us know how you get on xx

Spudsmama: I'm glad it didn't feel weird for you to have him meet phoebe - I have so many questions about donor and child meeting!! More so for when I AM actually pregnant. Just things about what works easier and what not with name calling, explaining to the child, haha - so many little things. 

Caite: Those are some interesting dreams! I love dreaming about being a mom, It sounds weird - but I hate waking from those dreams. If I can't (yet) be a mom in real life, it's just as fun in dream life hahaa! Even if it isn't real and always makes me wake up sad that it ISNT real hahaa. 

Afm: I've been quite busy lately - working two jobs, I've got terrible hayfever this year - so feel all blocked up and conjested. Finally got some nasal spray yesterday; only to use it - get stoked it works; and find out I can only use it three days in a row. Useless pharmacist failed to inform me of that -.-' I'm also officially in the two week wait. But I have a feeling I missed my egg. :(. I got wicked O symptoms two days after I "did the deed" but it was at too late notice for me to arrange work and donor and everything. So I guess just have to hope haha. I think this is the first month I don't feel the "need" for it too succeed - my new job is going SO well; And I want to make sure I can make it a "stable" job before applying for maternity leave. There are already two pregnant woman there, so I don't think my boss will be too happy to have hired me, only for me to get pregnant straight away too! So if this month isn't successful - I might assign myself to a 2 month break, then I'll have been there for a year when the baby comes - so I can keep the job after bubs too! I dunno 100% yet - just a few options running through my head. I didn't expect to love this job as much as I do!! 

Hope you're all well x


----------



## SpudsMama

Hey KN :) Ask me whatever you like about donor/child meets! I'm still very new to it, they've only met twice (both times on consecutive days when he came to my house to donate). We agreed that he would just be called by his name, not daddy or anything like that. At the end of the day he isn't her dad, he's her biological father... two very different things IMO. No plans for a repeat, unless this cycle is a bust (which I think it is, NO idea when I actually ovulated :dohh:) in which case he'll see her again when he donates next month. He'd never met an AI baby before Phoebe either so was just as clueless as me really. He has three but she's the oldest so it hadn't come up with the others yet I guess :shrug: I can't imagine we'll leave it at that though, regardless of when I conceive baby #2. He's very much a known donor :thumbup: As for explaining to Phoebe... I didn't say anything before he visited because she's still very baby-ish. She just wouldn't absorb anything other than "Say hello to ******!" :haha: As she gets older she'll be informed in more detail.


----------



## Keebs

Hey everyone, last cycle was a bust, shortly followed by a devestating referendum result :sad2: Really struggled to put a positive spin on anything for a while lately, but +ve opk tonight and hopefully I'll get a donation tomorrow... fingers crossed.

Good luck *Emma* and *KN* (and anyone else in the tww... Melody??) :dust: BFPs often come in runs (in many if the threads I lurk on anyway) so there's gotta be extra dust floating around thanks to CanadianMaple :happydance:

*CanadianMaple* So pleased your baby is snuggled in nice and tight, that must have been such a frightening time :hugs: Here's to a happy and healthy pregnancy from here on in :flower:

*Caite* How's your Mum? Has she had her surgery yet? Love that you are still getting that frission of excitement over ttc makes the wait a wee bit easier :flower: 

*fairytales87* Good luck with your appointment, can't wait to hear how it went.

*Melody_mb* I am so livid on your behalf, here's to a big fat positive pregnancy test without giving him a penny of your hard earned monies :growlmad: C'mon soy iso's do your thing :happydance:


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## melodyy_mtb

Hello ladies :flower: I write this as I anxiously wait for my donor to arrive. Anyone else super nervous like every month? I suffer from quite bad anxiety anyway, so maybe it's just me lol. The first time he came round, I laid out towels and all sorts like a fricken hotel haha.

Anyway as you can guess I think the soy iso's worked! I actually got a +opk yesterday (cd17!), but unfortunately d was looking after his son so couldnt make it, but thankfully the test was still positive today, so fx it isnt too late! [-o&lt; Oh and I went to this cool ttc exhibition the other day called 'The Alternative Parenting Show'. It was amazing!! I got so much information about IVF here and abroad. Including a scheme that refunds 70% of the cost if it fails. 

*Caite* Thanks so much for the advice. I'm glad you're here. I know you've researched this a lot, so be prepared for lots of questions from me lol. Crazy dreams by the way. Lets hope they come true!

*Rags* Thanks to you too :hugs: You and Caite have given me a lot to look into. I'll definitely check out that forum. Nine Wells sounds amazing. I hope everything's going well with you and lo :hugs:

*Spudsmama* I've got everything crossed for you. You must be, what, 11dpo about now? What an interesting interaction between your daughter and donor. I love your approach to it all. often wonder what that would be like. I hope you managed to hold off testing :haha:

*fairytales87* Hey hun. I'm good. Praying that I catch this egg lol. Great to see you on here :hugs:How did your app go? It's perfectly normal to be nervous and full of questions. They expect that. I hope you got everything answered, and are feeling reassured about your journey. Not long until you join team ttc! 

*Keebs* Heeeeey :hugs: I'm sorry you didnt get your bfp last cycle, but loving your attitude! Yeah i remember on another thread one of the ladies got a bfp, then in the space of two weeks, two other women did too. So lets hope that Canadianmaple's babydust rubs off on us! :dust:
So sorry about the referendum result :sad1: I dont watch/read the news, but I know it effected and upset a lot of people. 

Aww thanks hun. I know, he's a prick. I hope to march into that clinic and rub my big fat pregnant belly in his face. Omg I just realised.... we're inseminating on the same day!!! :happydance: lol SI buddies! :haha:


----------



## SpudsMama

Good luck to you ladies who are inseminating today!! :) 

Melody - my bathroom is never tidier than when I'm expecting a donor :rofl:

No idea what DPO I am :dohh: I stopped testing last Friday after getting three highs on my digi OPKs. After that I was on holiday and didn't take them with me... felt some tentative ovary twinges on the Sunday though so if that was the egg I'm only 7dpo... my last insem was 4 days prior to that :(


----------



## Keebs

4 days should be fine Emma, there's tentative evidence to suggest sperm can live for up to 7 days now (haven't seen the actual evidence, just heard tell so who knows) but you are still within the 5 days of old :thumbup: So exciting.

Melody I get anxious too, still waiting to hear from my donor as to what time, can't shut him up at other times and now I need specifics he goes quiet :growlmad: Better not cancel as I've just forked out £80 for a hotel room so he can donate without being arrested for indecency :haha: SI buddies :rofl: good luck :dust:

btw the image of you rubbing your pregnant belly in consultants face made me laugh out loud... here's hoping it's twins!


----------



## melodyy_mtb

SpudsMama - Thanks hun :hugs: Hahaha I know right! I was up this morning cleaning (especially the bathroom), before he arrived. 

Yeah like Keebs said, sperm can last up to 7 days, so I wouldnt worry. I've had doctors/nurses tell me this, and it's even written on the nhs website. 

Keebs - Oh I hope he gets in touch! My back up donor is a bit like that. We exchange constant emails about everything from ttc to music and art, then when I need him, he goes awol, or doesn't check his emails for days :growlmad:

But I really hope your donor comes through for you. I wanna be si buddies. :wohoo: Yeah hopefully it will be twins then i can knock him out with my belly.

Good luck x 

<3 <3 :dust: <3 <3


----------



## Caite

Keebs- mum's surgery's next month. She passed her assessment with the anaesthetist this week, so just waiting to make sure there is a bed now when she goes in. I've got a few friends up in Scotland who were wanting independence, and they were rather disappointed by the referendum results. 

Spudsmama - it sounds like you have it all figured out between Phoebe and the donor. FX for this month.

KN - I had another really vivid dream last night, not about pregnancy, but it's quite exciting having all these dreams. I never normally remember my dreams. It seems really weird you talking about New Zealand. Autumn officially started last week here, so it's really odd hearing you talking about hayfever. Maternity legislation or whatnot also seems really different over there than over here. 

Melody - you'll have to give us information from the exhibition. It sounds really informative.

Good luck to those of you inseminating today.


----------



## fairytales87

:dust:
To all of you who inseminated yesterday or in last few days

Caite: Glad your mums pre assessment went well fingers crossed for a bed space and a straight forward surgery and recovery!!


My appointment was rather strange & I felt really uncomfortable at the clinic I have a few unanswered questions as I felt they were stupid so I didn't bother asking them! I don't know where I go from here at the moment I've just been trying not to think about it and I'm just plodding along working away etc trying to ignore the crazy broody lady inside :haha:


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## Rags

Fairytail, sorry your appointment wasn't great. Are there any questions you could post here that we might be able to help with? Really truly there is no such thing as a silly question.

Keebs, I share your disappointment about the referendum, I console myself with the fact that my area was one of the 4 YES areas (and my town came in at over 60%). Don't mean that to seem anti the rest of Britain, sorry if it did, I love being part of the big world community, that is one of the fab things about this site and this thread.

I'm reading in on everyone and sending lots of baby dust all your ways. Meanwhile Ds and I have been away for the September weekend and he's been having donkey rides and trips to the fair ground and generally getting very wet at every given opportunity. Xx


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## InVivoVeritas

Hey there, hoping there's room for one more on this thread.

I'm 3dpo and in a not very hopeful 2ww (ovulated late so insemination was 5 days before that). Not expecting a lot this month, but maybe we're both due a surprise this month, SpudsMama.


----------



## SpudsMama

Just popping in to say that AF got me yesterday... a week early :( No idea why, it's never happened before. Hopefully just a fluke but I'll be trying as normal this cycle :)


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## fairytales87

Spudsmama: I'm sorry af got you and by coming early too:growlmad:
Fingers crossed for this cycle!!


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## fairytales87

Invevo veritas: welcome to the thread everyone's lovely here can't wait to share your journey :flower:


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## InVivoVeritas

Thanks, fairytales! I can already tell that this is a great, supportive thread.

SpudsMama, sorry to hear the witch got you. It's doubly irritating when she comes early -- or late.


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## Keebs

*KN*
When are you testing? Fingers crossed!

*fairytales87*
Aw hun, I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable at the clinic :hugs: Can we help with any of your questions, or can you email them to the clinic? I'm sure you're not the first person to have questions after the fact.

It must be awful stuck in limbo, hope you get answers soon :flower:


*Rags*
I'm not anti UK either, but I am very anti Westminster who scare the pants off me. My heart lies with Green but I confess I am one of the many who have since joined the SNP... maybe we will get to a point where we really are better together :flower:

Ooooooh, donkey rides and fairgrounds...I totally want to come on holiday with you guys.

*InVivoVeritas*
Hello stranger :wave: I remember you from 1st time round, so excited to see you here. Everything crossed for you :flower:


*SpudsMama*
:hugs: So sorry, maybe it protends good things for this month though (concieved Cara after a wierdly short cycle, with almost no menstrual flow) Here's to this month :flow:


As for me, well I finally got a donation Sunday, ovulated Monday so currently 2 dpo :happydance: Love this stage, either I have a fertilised egg bumbling around inside or I don't. Reminds just how miraculous the beginning of life is, all that amazing potential and possibility. Eeeeeeeee, very excited that I could be part of that again, I loved being pregnant before :wohoo:


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## SpudsMama

Eeeeeek, good luck Keebs!! Perfect timing!! :happydance:


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## InVivoVeritas

Thanks Keebs!

Our last two were born just a day apart if I remember right. I'm 4dpo today; it would be amazing if we could do it again. :)


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## melodyy_mtb

*fairytales87* No question is too stupid. I think a lot of women (myself included) have incredibly uncomfortable first fertility appointments. The nurses and consultants so often fail to be sensitive to our needs. I agree with Keebs, just ask us, and if we can help, we definitely will. Or if your clinic left you with a nurse helpline number, you could always give them a call to get things clarified. They are there to help you! You deserve all the assistance they can offer, until you get that bfp! :hugs:

*Rags* Aww, sounds like you and ds had a wonderful weekend away :)

*InVivoVeritas* Heeey I remember you briefly from before. Aww it's great to have you back. Fx for this month :happydance:

*SpudsMama* Sorry af got you :sad1: That's strange it came so early though. Is it at all possible you could have o'd earlier than you thought? Or maybe it's just one of those things. Either way at least you wont have to wait ages before you try again. <3 <3

*Keebs* Awww it is lovely isn't it? The thought that there could be something so precious growing inside you as we speak. I'm sooo happy you managed to get your donation!!! :happydance: I got mine on Sunday too. Babydust for us both!!! :dust:

*AFM* I'm not feeling too hopeful about this month :nope: I'm a bit worried because I think I o'd on Sunday, which is the day i inseminated... so I'm just worried i missed it. I mean, in a perfect world I would have o'd Sunday evening, after getting my donation Sunday morning, but i just cant be sure. My opks were positive for 3 days, and really dark on the 4th day, which was odd (I've heard multiple positive opks could mean multiple ovulation :D I wish!). But then i got my temp rise Monday morning. So im thinking im 3dpo. Ahhh we shall see.


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## InVivoVeritas

Hi there, melodyy, I remember you from my brief try at the start of this year.

We had a big family holiday in Florida in the summer, and I didn't want to be either in early (sleeping, throwing up) or late (size of a whale, not able to move) pregnancy, so I squeezed in two tries in the early part of the year. No joy, though, so this is attempt 3.

LittleMan was the result of my fourth attempt, so I'm hoping that if this cycle's a bust then next month will be the one.

LittleMan was the result of an insemination around lunchtime of the day I O, so don't count yourself out yet. It's more than possible that you hit that egg just as she hatched. Fingers crossed!!


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## fairytales87

Ladies wth is going on I've had all my usual signs of O the last few days CD 6&7 so far no posative opk which is obviously a good thing as that would be early why is my body messing about now when I'm so close to ttc!


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## somedayisnow

Hello ladies and gentleman,

Long time no talk but I still haven't officially started "Operation Baby" yet. I had surgery last Friday to remove the cyst and luckily my surgeon was able to save most of my right ovary. At this point, I have no idea as to when I can start trying to TTC but I'm still optimistic that I can still get pregnant.

Babydust to you all! :dust:


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## fairytales87

Somedayisnow: I'm so pleased for you that's your surgery all by with & by the sounds of it as successful op that's good they managed to save the ovary! I hope your recovery is going well and your taking it easy!! Hopefully you can join team ttc soon:flower:


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## melodyy_mtb

*InVivoVeritas* Aww ok. I was wondering where you got too. I hope this cycle is the one for you. I think we might have posted at the same time, so ive just read your other post lol. I wouldn't count yourself out until af is definitely here. It's still early days. Fx for you! And thanks so much. That definitely reassures me. If you inseminated on the same day (afternoon) of o, and got your little baba, then there's hope for me yet lol. 

*fairytales87* I sometimes think our bodies are designed to f*ck with us on a monthly basis lol. I often get o symptoms with no o, or o with no syumptoms. So I wouldn worry too much. Maybe it just means your body is gearing up to o slighlty earler than usual. Keep testing, and let us know :hugs:

*somedayisnow* Heeeey you're back :happydance: I'm so glad your operation went well. Great news about the right ovary. I think like with any major operation, you'll need to let your body recover for a bit. But yeah, definitely ask the clinic/surgeon when it will be safe for you to start ttc! :hugs:

*Nothing much to update with me. I'm 5dpo and just trying to relaaaax. I went a bit crazy symptom spotting as i had some twinges/cramps yesterday and could not stop peeing, but I'm putting all of that nonsense out of my head... for now :D


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## InVivoVeritas

Fairytales, that's exactly what my body does! I have a textbook 27-day cycle with O on day 14, but any time it's a trying month I ovulate early or late, or my LP goes nuts. It's like I'm fighting my own body to have a baby.

Someday, I'm so glad the surgery went well and your surgeon was able to save most of the ovary. Concentrating on healing for now will pay off in an easier TTC journey soon.

Me, I'm 6dpo and really not feeling it this month. All my usual post-O symptoms but nothing exciting or suggesting that it's my month.

Hope everybody else is doing better!


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## fairytales87

In vivo: It does feeling like fighting with your body to do what most ppl I know seem to manage no problem:growlmad:
I really hope this is your month!!

Melody: I'm starting to think I was built during a hangover or when the mould maker was drunk my body's that crazy:winkwink:

Well afm: Major O signs yesterday but no posative opk and today's CD 11!!
I used a new brand this month so either I've missed it because of these horrible rubbish tests or it's a cycle where my body's just fooling me and I'm not going to O at all again and last month was just a fluke!! I switched brand again this morning to see what happens


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## melodyy_mtb

Lol that's a funny way of thinking about it. I often feel like my body is broken. But they aren't. Our bodies are unique to us. Some of us just have more quirky ones :friends: cd11... that's only a few days away from cd14 which is the usual o day for women with normal cycles. Even if you have longer ones, maybe you're just coming into your fertile period. What are your o signs? I don't get ewcm, but I do get o pain and i get moody lol. But I do think certain brands work differently for some women. I find the cheap dip tests hard to read, and surprisingly the clear blue digis give me false positives. The only brand that works for me are the cheap internet midstream tests. I looooove them lol. Do you find some brands work differently for you?

Speaking of opks, im 6dpo and randomly got the urge to poas. I did an ovulation test and it was basically positive. Am I ovulating again? :wacko: Did I miss my chance?


----------



## fairytales87

Melody: I usually O day 10-12 if I do who knows what's going on!
I've only tried asda own brand which work attempted boots own this time but I don't like them and clear blue digis are hit & miss! I've never tried internet cheapies wouldn't even know where to get them!!

My O signs are pain & major moodiness no EWCM here either!!
How random you got another positive opk how far away is af due?


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## melodyy_mtb

Oh so maybe you'll o late this month. If you for some odd reason dont, try not to worry. Most women experience an anovulatory cycles once or twice in their lives. Lol we seem to get the exact same o symptoms hahah. I've never got ewcm, well once i think, but that was like a tear ago. I dont bother checking cm anymore.

Oh and I get my cheapies from ebay. These ones


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## fairytales87

I'm used to anovulatory cycles so I'm not too worried just disappointed since I've not had 1 for a few months :thumbup: I've never had EWCM either and I don't look for it pain my trigger to test lol
Thanks I will check eBay didn't even think of looking for them there!


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## CanadianMaple

Just popping in with an update. I had my 8w4d ultrasound today and it's a blighted ovum. There is a sac and a yolk sac but no baby. I am stopping the meds are expected to miscarry sometime this week or next. I see my doctor in a week's time.

I hate to say it but I am kind of relieved. Since the bleed I had at 4 or 5 weeks, I have been feeling like something was wrong. I haven't been excited about this pregnancy and was feeling intense fear to be doing this on my own this time. I think my instincts told me that something wasn't right and I wasn't really shocked when they told me today.

I feel bad that I feel relieved, but I guess this is confirmation that I need to move on from this TTC business. I wanted to win the IF battle, especially after spending 20k. But the two best embryos must have been incompatible genetically, and I don't feel like I could give the others a chance knowing that.

It's weird. I feel relieved. I was scared that something was wrong and I would be on my own with a baby with disabilities.

I'm terrified of miscarrying. Everyone is telling me horror stories about hemorrhages and how it's like a short version of labour. I just want this behind me.


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## fairytales87

I'm so sorry sweetie lots of love prayers & hugs :hugs:


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## SpudsMama

I'm so sorry CM :( :hugs:


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## melodyy_mtb

*CanadianMaple* I'm am so so sorry for this terrible news. I know you say you feel slightly relieved, but still... the loss of a child, even this early, is so heartbreaking. I cant even begin to imagine what's going on in your mind.

Dont feel bad for how you're feeling about it all. Your emotions are exactly that, yours. You have every right to feel however you want. We are all here for you no matter what turn your ttc journey takes.

<3


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## InVivoVeritas

Canadian, I'm so sorry to hear this. As melody said, your feelings and reactions are what they are, and we're feeling for you no matter what.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hugs *CanadianMaple * :hugs:

*InVivoVeritas* How are you doing? I'm 8dpo today and driving myself insane!


----------



## Rags

I'm sorry that this wasn't the one. Take good care of yourself. Xx


----------



## somedayisnow

CanadianMaple, I'm so sorry about the miscarriage. I agree, we are here for you no matter what.


----------



## Keebs

*CanadianMaple* :hugs: I am so sorry, this must be such a difficult time for you :hugs: Hope you get through this as quickly and painlessly as possible.


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## InVivoVeritas

Hey there, Melodyy!

I'm 9dpo and cramping pretty hard today. I'm trying not to get my hopes up and make more of it than it is, but I'm moving my testing up a day to tomorrow. Trying very hard not to hope too much.

How about you? In past pregnancies my symptoms started to kick in around 8-9dpo. Anything unusual stirring?


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## melodyy_mtb

*InVivo*I'm cramping pretty bad too. Started a few days ago. Lots of creamy cm. But like you, im trying not to get my hopes up. This could all just be my womb getting ready for af. 

I think you know your body though. I have everything crossed for you! Fx for your test hun <3

*CanadianMaple* Just wanted to say, still thinking of you. You're definitely not alone. We're here for you. xxx


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## fairytales87

In vivo: Goodluck for tomorrow fingers crossed for you

Melody: Are you going to poas soon?

Canadian Maple: Big hugs sweetie your not alone we will always be here for you :hugs::hugs:


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## melodyy_mtb

*fairytales87* I'm too scared lol. I hate seeing that stark white BFN. I got a big temp dip today. I know it could be an implantation dip but I really don't think I'm that lucky :( I wonder if af will be early, its due next Monday. Pray that I can hold out until then lol. 

Hope everyone else is ok. Haven't heard form some of you in a while. <3


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## SpudsMama

It could be an ID Melody, your chart looks amazing! :)

AFM - CD9 and I've broken out the OPKs now seeing as I seem to be ovulating a bit earlier now.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thanks SpudsMama. I must admit, i was quite happy with my temps up until now. Gosh it could be! But im not that lucky... generally lol. I just want this week to be over already. Definitely best to get the opks out early, just in case. I start testing around cd9 too, even though before this month I was o'ing around cd35 lol. Gl for this month hun. A fresh new cycle :happydance:

*?* What are everyone's thoughts on eggwhites? Have you heard anything about using eggwhites instead of preeseed. Also, I use softcups after I've inseminated, just for good measure, but I've read a lot about women only using softcups and swearing by it. *SpudsMama* I've stalked all your blogs (and love them lol). Did you conceive Pheobe using the softcup method? I'm thinking of switching from syringes next cycle... if I need it.


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## SpudsMama

Yep, when I conceived Phoebe I used 2.5ml of pre-seed (inserted 15 mins before donor arrived). The sample was straight into the softcup, so no sperm pot :haha: And as soon as he left I inserted it and lay down with raised hips for a while :) We did it twice... once 3 days before ov, and once again on ov day itself.

I've heard about people using eggwhites but I never have myself.


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## InVivoVeritas

BFN for me and I'm giving up for this month -- bring on November.

Melodyy, how are things with you? Cramps coming on nicely? I also conceived LittleMan by using only a softcup. Didn't even lie down, just popped it in, had lunch with my donor and went off about my business.

Spudsmama, hope that the OPKs give you a positive nice and early this month.


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## Keebs

Good luck this cycle *Emma* :flower:

Still holding out hope for you *Invivo* :hugs: not over til the witch flys in and all that. I read somewhere that some women take ages to get their BFP becuase they start off with negligable HCG, so the doubling takes longer to show.

I am so excited by your chart* melody*, great temps and I don't see a temp dip on your previous chart, so it's not that it's just normal for you to have one (I get one very month regardless). Can't wait to see a nice temp rise today :flower:

As for me... well, unless I'm having triplets (3 temp dips rather than my usual one) I'm probably out this month. Still holding out hope though because I'm utterly convinced I am pregnant.... even though all the signs say otherwise :rofl: I suspect this BFN is really going to bite :cry:


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## melodyy_mtb

*SpudsMama* I think I'm going to do that next time (if i need it). It seems like a very successful technique. Especially since both you and Invivo concieved using just softcups. The thought of putting eggwhites upp my hooha is a bit scary :rofl: I already have preeseed so I think i'll do the inserting it 15 mins before, like you did :D

*InVivoVeritas* Sorry about the bfn hun. That's why im reluctant to test. I hate the thought of seeing another bfn. But like keebs said, you're not out until af shows so we've all stil lgot our fx for you! :hugs:

I think i'll be out soon. I'm experiencing too many pms symptoms. I hate that pg and pms symptoms can be so similar :( Anyway i'm still getting twinges, but only mild. My temp went up today, but not as high as the other days... so i dunno. I am definitely only using softcups next month. The fact you conceived using them has really given me hope! I occasionally have to inseminate at work, so switching to this method would be perfect!

*Keebs* Thank you :hugs::hugs: I'm hoping these are all good signs, although I dont feel very hopedul. I'm desperately trying not to get my hopes up as the last bfn took ages to get over :(

Lots of babydust to you. I laughed so much about the triplets lol. I hope your temps climb higher and higher. Give us our BFPs already!!! :dust:


----------



## Keebs

Well af came, giving me a lp of only 8 days :sad2: Gutted :nope:

I use softcups and preeseed too, so easy :thumbup:

Goodluck to everyone else still waiting :dust:


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Oh fudge :( Sorry you're out keebs. That's a short lp. Do you think your body is still trying to regulate itself?

My temps seem to be climbing down so I'm pretty sure I'm done this month too.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

update: i'm so out this month. Caved and poas last night. Got a big fat BFN and my temps are just getting lower and lower :(


----------



## Keebs

:hugs: so sorry Melody :(


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Thanks hun :hugs: Whilst trying to act cool and not go crazy with symptom spotting and high expectations this month, I ended up going crazy with symptom spotting and high expectations lol. Balls :(

Sorry af got you. Im due on monday so its just a matter of time. At least i can try the soft cup method like you guys now though, yaaay. 

Here's to the next cycle. Lets get some BFPs ladies, I know we can do it! 
:dust:


----------



## SpudsMama

Keebs - boo to AF :( 

Melody - I know your temps are falling but I'm not counting you out until the witch shows her face!! :)

AFM - Got a high (flashing smiley) on a digi OPK today, both this morning and another in the late afternoon, so donor man popped by after work. He isn't available over the weekend so it's making sure Saturday and Sunday are covered really, just in case! Fingers crossed this cycle is an improvement on the last one :wacko:


----------



## Keebs

Fingers crossed Emma :flower:

Melody, hope the witch stays away tomorrow :flower: I'm not too bad at symptom spotting, possibly becuase I had zero to spot with Cara. I do want to pee on sticks more than I should though. Got a BFP at work on Wednesday.... then full flow AF when I got home. Can't stop thinking about it and wish I'd never tested. This time, if I get a donation (donor man has gone all silent again) I intend to wait until AF is due/late before I pee on _anything_.

Can I ask if anyone else would get a donation if it meant your due date would be a few days away from your current childs birthday? I feel quite guilty about it, but just don't feel I have the time to put off a potentially successful attempt (what if an October ovulation is the only time my body produces a good egg etc).

Hope all is well with those of you we haven't heard from in a while.


----------



## SpudsMama

Keebs, I actually have that dilemma next month if I don't get my BFP this cycle. I'd have two August babies. I'm tempted to skip November but knowing me I'll see some EWCM and be straight on the phone to donor man! :rofl:

I'm sorry to hear what happened, I had that a few months ago :( It really knocked my confidence in TTC :nope: Big hugs!! :hugs:


----------



## K.N

Hey guys! I'm back - have been hiding out the past week or two! Everything here is much the same though - no new news, still not pregnant, still don't know what road to go down next; but things aren't too bad really :)

Am so sad for you reading that your little bean didn't stick canadianmaple - Even though you had a gut feeling; it must still be ever so heartbreaking to go through; my heart goes out to you :hugs: 

Keebs: I'd say go for it if you want too - I see kiddies birthdays around the same time all the time, and as long as you definitely keep them individual - then I think you'll be fine x


----------



## Keebs

*KN* :hugs: sorry hun, can't imagine how you must feel. Hope you find some clarity soon.

*Melody* I see the :witch: arrived :( Love your outlook though... here's to preeseed and softcups bringing us all BFP's.

That said I'm switching to concieve plus this time, plan on putting some in a softcup and insterting whilst donor is off doing his thing. Then use same softcup for donation. No idea why I feel the need to change, just do for some reason :shrug:

*Invivo* Any news?


----------



## SpudsMama

:hi: KN!

Following your instincts is the way to go IMO Keebs :thumbup:

AFM - I think I ovulated yesterday (had donations on Friday and yesterday so O-3 and O itself... the exact same as when I conceived my daughter!). I'd had lots of ovarian cramping for a week leading up to my temp rise, on both sides. That's never happened before! I usually only get a couple of pinches on one side on the day of ovulation :shrug:


----------



## Keebs

Sounds very encouraging Emma, everything crossed for you :dust: this thread is due a flurry of good luck.

I never used to feel anything pre Cara, this time I'm feeling every stretch and twinge pre and post ovulation :wacko: So much so I'm starting to worry about cysts and fibroids etc. :roll:


----------



## Caite

Becky - I'm so, so sorry :hugs:

Sorry for all the AFs and BFNs girls. FX for better luck for you all this month.

Nothing WTT/TTC related happening with me. But, there are a couple of possibilities of permanent shifts coming up (in areas I frequently bank in) in the not too distant future &#8211; all lovely 9-5 type hours, too &#8211; which should make maternity leave a whole lot better. I feel guilty about it, but it would be perfect if I could get pregnant (as it would be easier still being bank with planning to go to Denmark for IVF), and then get offered a permanent post, as I would get the full NHS maternity leave (I think).

And mum&#8217;s had her surgery, too. She&#8217;s home and doing really well.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies :kiss:

Been trying ot keep myself busy. As you can see from my chart, af got me :( This one smarted a bit. I was trying not to ss but towards the end (after that huge temp spike) I started to slightly get my hopes up, but it wasn't meant to be. Onto the next cycle. I've got a really good feeling about this one. I have no idea why. I just feel excited. Maybe not even for me, but I feel a BFP coming for this group real soon :happydance:

I was cramping a lot last cycle, and had really sore boobs. Two things I hardly ever get. So this time I wont be getting fooled by these pesky pms symptoms masquerading as pg symptoms lol. Hopefully I'll be able to calmly and patiently wait until AF is due before testing.... yeah right! 

So today I am cd5, and using soy again as it worked so beautifully last time. Got my preeseed, got my cups. Let's do this!

*SpudsMama* Glad you got your donations, and with good timing too. I'm crossing every body part for you this month lol. If you felt o pain on both sides, you could have released two eggs. Twins? hehehe

*Keebs* Oh hun, I'm so sorry about that bfp. That would have devestated me. Thy always say it's best to wait until af but it's just so damn hard. I was peeing on everything last week. Anyway I think you're right, this thread is definitely due some bfps! Let's attack this cycle like ninjas! :ninja: 

I would still try even if there was a possibility of my baby's birthday being close to my other child. I just wouldn't want to miss that opportunity. But saying that, I imagine it would be crazy expensive to have two kids with similar/same birth dates, so it would be perfectly understandable if you skipped a cycle. It's funny you mentioned switching to conceive plus, because that's what i've been using, but this month im switching to preeseed :haha: 

*KN* Great to see you back :hugs: Been reading your blog, it must be so difficult what with all these decisions you're having to make, but whatever you decide will be the right decision for you and your baby to be. Always thinking of you. We will get pregnant!

*Caite* Heeeey hun. That's good news about the jobs I hope you get one! Aww and I'm happy to hear that your mum's surgery went well and that she's back home recovering :hugs:


----------



## Caite

Sorry AF got you, Melody. Hopefully it's a good sign you feel positive this cycle


----------



## Keebs

:ninja: it is!

Sticky beans, all round please.

Caite, great news on the job hunt :flower: and so pleased your Mum is doing well. I can totally see why Melody gets good vibes just now. Will this bring your ttc date forward if all goes to plan?



As for me, it seems ttc is turning me into a mad lady :wacko: for, despite getting af, temps dropping below coverline, cervix low and firm... I still feel pregnant. So much so I peed on a stick (negative naturally) a few days ago :dohh: I need to get myself up the duff asap or they'll be carting me off a gibering wreck :haha:

If donor comes through I'll definitely give it a shot this month. Two birthdays doesn't bother me financially as I have a virtual savings pot I pay into each month so I can spread my costs evenly. It's more the outside possibility of them sharing a birthday that brings twinges of guilt.


----------



## Child2Hold

Hello ladies! :flower::flower:

Hoping everyone is doing well. 

AFM - Last donor I spoke with bailed on me like the previous one which is why I went MIA yet again. And days before scheduled donation was supposed to happen.:growlmad:
Good news though!!! I met a new donor and had my first attempt yesterday. Thought I'd never get to this point. Only drawback is that this donor is only available until January when he moves across the country. :dohh: 
It's only 1DPO and I'm wishing it was testing time. :haha::blush:


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*Keebs* Aww hun it's no wonder. Especially after the bfp you got, only for afto arrive later that day. Stuff like that can really mess you up. But i know what it's like to just "feel" pregnant even though everything else tells you you're not. When I had one of my 60 day cycles, i was adamant i was pg.. Even after loads of tests and home and 3 blood tests, i still didn't believe it lol.

Lets get a baby in you before they cart you off :haha:

*Child2Hold* Glad to see you back! :hugs: Sorry your last donor messed you about. Grrrr it really gets to me how someone could let you down about something that important at the last minute :growlmad: Anyway congrats on the new donor and gl with your tww. Lots of babydust for you this month :dust:

Come on BFPs. TTC ninja:ninja: woaaaaaaah! lol


----------



## SpudsMama

Weirdly enough Melody, I have felt VERY confident this cycle. No idea why and I bet I'll still get AF regardless :haha:

C2H - donor struggles suck but I'm glad you found a good guy in the end :)


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Nooo *SpudsMama* this is a very very lucky month.... for someone hahah. I know what you mean though. I feel positive but also basically sure af will get me. 

afm Not mucy to report. Cd9. Started opks yesterday. I missed a dose of soy :cry: so I hope that doesn't mess things up. I'll most probably be inseminating at work, so I'm lookimng forward to just using a softcup. My preeseed came today :happydance: But I've lost my themometre so.... had to order another one lol.

How's everyone else doing? :kiss:


----------



## InVivoVeritas

Hey there everyone, I've been hibernating in a sulk because of last cycle's BFN -- each one seems to hit me harder this time.

Melody and Keebs, sorry to hear the witch got both of you too. But onwards and upwards, right? Either of you made your insemination arrangements yet? Mine will be Saturday next, CD16, just hoping that the timing is better this month.

Spuds, I have everything crossed for you. Have you decided when you're going to test?

C2H, let's hope you get that BFP before January then!! You're almost half way through the dreaded 2WW, it's about time for you to drive yourself nuts with symptom spotting. Anything stirring for you yet?

Caite, sounds like everything is falling into place for you. I'm really glad your mum's on the mend too.

Keebs I'm in exactly the same situation as you this cycle -- if I'm successful my due date will be just three days after LittleMan's birthday. I'm looking at it as a good omen. This is my month darnit!!

Right, sleeves rolled up, softcup in one hand and preseed in the other, let's do this!!!


----------



## Child2Hold

InVivoVeritas said:


> Hey there everyone, I've been hibernating in a sulk because of last cycle's BFN -- each one seems to hit me harder this time.
> 
> C2H, let's hope you get that BFP before January then!! You're almost half way through the dreaded 2WW, it's about time for you to drive yourself nuts with symptom spotting. Anything stirring for you yet?
> 
> Right, sleeves rolled up, softcup in one hand and preseed in the other, let's do this!!!

Dammit this is everyone's month!! *grabs :dust: fairy and forcibly shakes her*

I'm symptom spotting galore. I didn't think I'd be this crazy though. Still getting twinges on my left side. Little bursts of nausea started today. I feel out though. I'm gonna say I'm out just so I don't get disappointed. Every symptom is imagined. :haha: Yea, right. I wanna :test:!!

If I'm lucky and this cycle is successful I'll be due a week after my brother's birthday.


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## InVivoVeritas

I'm sending you all my good thoughts, keep us posted. I have a very good feeling for you.

Exciting times!!


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## SpudsMama

So the plan is to physically assault a tiny fairy for baby dust? ... I'm in!! :rofl:

10dpo today and no symptom spotting so far! I intend to test at 14dpo, just so I know if I have to stop/carry on with progesterone cream. At least my LP seems to have gone back to normal after my 8dpo AF last cycle!

Good luck to everyone!! :)


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## melodyy_mtb

*InVivoVeritas* I love your energy! Lets get to work! hehe. I know what you mean, sometimes the BFNs just stick in your mind and you just feel so down. But each cycle gives us a brand new chance to get that BFP! :happydance: I havent organised my insemination yet cause my cycles aren't regular, but if I go by my last cycle, I should be inseminating next week. Good luck with next Saturday!

*Child2Hold* I laughed so hard at your post. :rofl: Give us our dust you little madam! lol. Got everything crossed for you. Like Vivo said, you're half way there! Hopefully the due date being just after your brother's birthday is a good sign :happydance:

*SpudsMama* Well done on not ss! I dont know if i'd have that will power. It always ends up sneaking in somehow. Lots and lots of baby dust for you :dust: Keep us posted! How does the progesterone cream help? I've read about women using it but I'm not sure what it's for lol.

AFM Cd12 and feeling like ovulation is getting closer. I'm beginning to feel the slightest of twinges and my opk was a bit dark today. Although that could be because I only checked it after leaving it laying around for 20 minutes lol. Gonna do another one this afternoon. I meant to ask you ladies, does anyone know at how many months it's still safe to fly? It's just I'm going on a huge family holiday to Dominica next July and I'm worried I'll be too far gone... if i get lucky this month. Oh and to the softcup users, do you insert it laying down or sitting/squatting?


----------



## SpudsMama

I sit on the loo when inserting the softcup :blush: :rofl: 

I use the progesterone cream because when I had my bloods checked when TTC the first time round my prog levels came back low. Your body is supposed to produce lots of progesterone to support the first weeks of pregnancy before the uterus takes over. I wouldn't use it for the sake of it though, only if you have a deficiency :thumbup:


----------



## Keebs

*Child2Hold* :hi: ttc seems to bring out the crazy in me too, frankly the sooner we move on to the parnanoia and incessant knicker checking of 1st tri the better :haha: :wacko: Everything crossed for you... as an aside, I did my 1st ever insemination Oct 16th 2011 and got preggers with my dd. This has to be a good omen no :flower:

*Melody* I have one leg up on the loo when inserting the softcup...if I try putting it in sat on the loo or squating I get spillages. Never tried it laying down. Worth having a trial run to see what works for you (and how much liquid the cup will hold before seepage occurs regardless :sick: ... about 2.5 - 3 ml for me)

Not 100% sure but I think you can fly any time up til 3rd tri (About 28 weeks) then each airline has it's own rules but possibly 36 weeks (might need a Drs line to say medically fit) for singleton pregnancies, earlier for multiples??? Dunno for sure. Ovulation next week would give you a due date bang smack in mid/late July, although those babies come when they please so that means very little.

Really hoping you are faced with this dilema and have to fly out a month early to get to the party :happydance: Another good omen surely, for it's well known babies love to cause maximum upheaval in our lives :winkwink:


*Invivo* Missed you :hugs: those bfn's are soul destroying... at least you coped better than I with my outright denial :wacko: lets avoid the problem and just not have anymore in future, bfps all round please dust fairy :thumbup: Everything crossed for you :flower:


*Emma* Not long now until you can :test: feeling really optimistic for you this month. Can't wait!

May I ask which progesterone cream you use? I swithered over getting some (after last months ridiculously short lp) but so many are wild yam based which is said to cause infertility  Not obvious what they contain when looking online. 


I'm trying maca this time (in addition to vitex, vit D, prenatals and coQ10... I'm popping more pills than my patients these days) it certainly seems to have evened out my temps, less mountain peek, more gentle wave :thumbup: but looks to have delayed ovulation. Rather annoying as I inseminated yesterday and still waiting for positive opk :growlmad: temp is low and cervix doing it's thing so hopefully not too far off.

Couldn't get a hotel so did the deed in a restaraunt, poor donor had to perform in the back of his van. I do worry a little about him getting arrested for indecency but honestly it was so much more relaxed getting it out of the way before hand then just chatting over coffee. Also much cheeper :thumbup: my baby fund has depleted to a mere £700 because hotels in that neck of the wood are extortionate. 

I hated having to return when dd was only 6 months and was hoping to have enough of a fund to allow 9 months of mat leave this time. Not going to happen if hotels keep eating up my cash.

Felt super optimistic yesterday... wanted to test and everything :rofl: Haven't even ovulated yet and today I feel out already :shrug:


----------



## SpudsMama

Keebs - Natpro :thumbup: *runs to check ingredient list*

Fingers crossed you get your +OPK very very soon!! :)


----------



## Child2Hold

I'll hold the fairy hostage for all of us if need be. :haha:

*Keebs* Fx its a good omen. :happydance: My donor did his thing in the hotel restaurant bathroom.


----------



## InVivoVeritas

*Spud*, when is 14dpo? Sunday? Getting pretty excited for you now!! This thread is about due a BFP.

*Melody*, I'm so glad it looks like you won't have to wait too long for O this month. I insert my softcup on the toilet too. The first time I practiced with water before I tried so I didn't spill any, which turned out to be a good idea because I made a huge mess. I don't know how big a sample I thought the poor man would be giving!! 

As for flying, each airline has its own rules but the standard is about 36 weeks. And Keebs is right, babies love to cause havoc so the timing is probably a very good sign. Keep us posted on that OPK. I use digital ones because I'm very bad at figuring out what's a positive and what isn't. Easier to let the machine do the work, but the downside is that I don't get to see whether it's getting darker or not.

*Keebs*, I like the way you think. Let's just skip the paranoia and insanity and move straight on to the insecurity and hormonal roller-coaster of the first tri. :thumbup:

You're not out yet -- any sign of that positive OPK? That happened to me last month, arranged insemination based on my usual cycle dates and ended up being very delayed. Sperm really do live up to five days, or so my friend Google assured me when I spent the entire 2WW researching, and even with that long a delay your odds are lower but still decent. It just means the darn 2WW turns into a nearly 3WW.

Because of one thing and another this is the first month we're not going with a hotel -- insemination is due to take place at ComicCon. This amuses me, and I think the donor's looking forward to the thrill of doing his thing there.

*C2H*, any symptoms yet?


----------



## Child2Hold

*InVivo* Symptoms galore. :haha: Nausea has set in. Weird pinching where I've never experienced it before. Needing naps. Don't want to eat since I'm so afraid of being sick.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

I love you lot I swear hahaha :friends:

*SpudsMama* Thanks for the info. I'll try a dry run before hand. Oh and that's good to know about the progesterone cream. My P levels were low but i think that was just confirming I never used to o.

*Child2Hold* Oooo all those symptoms sound promising, I reeeeeeally hope this is your month. Keep us posted :hugs:

*Keebs* Hehe yeah i'll definitely give it a try with a leg up, and sitting down before. I think you're right about the flying thing. That seems to be the general view anyway. I really hope the possible problems is a good omen! I'd happily give up the holiday if I actually conceived this month!

Hahaha oh gosh, and there's me feeling bad about getting donor to dtd at my workplace! Aww the're really are some great ones out there. I think you did the right thin,g just getting it out of the way first. Oh I hope you dont eat too much into your baby fund but i guess as long as we get a lil baba at the end, everything else will eventually fall into place. Heard good things about macca by the way! Hope it's not too long before you o. I've heard sperm lasts 5-7 days too so try not to worry too much. 

Hahahaha ttc sure can drive us crazy. I know what you mean. I feel like testing too and I havent even inseminated :rofl: :hugs:

*chels_eastern* Sorry I cant help. Good luck though.

*InVivoVeritas* Seems like on the toilet is the way to go! :thumbup: Thanks for your input about the flying too. I think that sounds about right. I'm hoping it's a good sign! It's funny, I cant actually use digital tests. Because of my pcos, the digis are too sensitive and often give me false positives or prolonged "high fertility". The midstream cheapies work the best for me. 

Omg! How amazing would it be to tell your child that they were conceived at comicon! Coolest mum ever in my eyes :D

*AFM* Well I was really uncomfortable last night with twinges, and this morning. I didn't think much of it but to my surprise I got a beautiful positive OPK! Guess it was o pain. Emphasis on the pain this month ouch. And guess what... it's only cd13!!! :happydance: Can you believe it? Looks like I'll have my 1st ever 28 day cycle! 

Anyway I called donor straight away but sadly he couldnt make it this morning as he has his son :cry: He can definitely make it tomorrow though. So I'm on tender hooks here praying that I dont o early. Usually i o 2 days after my first + opk, so fx! :wacko:


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## InVivoVeritas

That's fantastic news, Melody! Sounds like your insemination will be right on time. Lucky you getting to move on to the 2ww already.

C2H, sounds very promising. Have you decided yet when you plan to test?

I'm still getting negative OPKs, so all's looking good for my insemination tomorrow. That will be CD16 and last cycle I ovulated on CD18, so fingers crossed my timing's right this time.


----------



## Child2Hold

*InVivo* Call me chicken but I don't wanna test. Yet at the same time I do. Testing Sunday and if :bfn: waiting until AF arrives on 10/30. If no AF will test on Halloween. 

At least that's my plan. Best laid plans and all...


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*InVivoVeritas* I hope the timing's right. Got another +opk today so I'm thinking I'll o tomorrow. Saw my donor this morning at like 8:30am. He looked so tired bless him :haha:

Sounds like you've planned your insemination well. Fx that you o on cd18 like last time. <3


----------



## SpudsMama

I think I may have got my :bfp: today girls! Not entirely sure though because it's only 12dpo and I didn't use FMU... therefore a bit of a squinter :dohh: Hopefully another FRER tomorrow morning will give me the definitive answer:)


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## melodyy_mtb

OMG!!!!!!! Seee told you this month was special!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: So happy for you. Yeah keep testing! I hope it gets darker, and when it does show us shooooow us lol!


----------



## InVivoVeritas

Spud, that's fantastic news!! I'm so happy for you, and wishing you a long, boring, happy nine months.

Keep us posted tomorrow morning. I'll be holding my breath for you.

:hugs:


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## InVivoVeritas

Melody, sounds like you and I are on exactly the same schedule. I inseminated today and I also got the smiley that tells me I'm due to ovulate tomorrow too.

It will be great to have somebody to suffer through the 2ww with. Although with Spud's example I'm feeling more positive this month than I have in a while.

Keebs, any sign of your positive yet?

C2H, waiting for word from you tomorrow too. Fingers crossed for you.


----------



## Child2Hold

Woohoo *Spuds*!!!! Fx for progression. 

I don't have any tests!! I hope I can buy some tomorrow. I so wanna test.


ETA: Heartburn and nausea are killing me.


----------



## Keebs

Eeeeeeeeeee :wohoo: fabulous news Emma, couldn't be happier for you. Congratulations!!! :happydance:

Please post your tests if you can... I lurve a bit of line voyeurism.

Child2Hold, everything crossed for tomorrow :hugs:

Invivo and Melody, sounds like you guys have perfect timing this month, this is going to be an exciting 2ww :flower:

I finally got a positive yesterday so should o today, not feeling it though so wonder if it may be tomorrow.


----------



## Rags

Fabulous spud, so pleased for you. I look forward to hearing about your darkening bfp over the next few days. I got my bfp at 12 dpo and refused to get excited until day 17 which was my official test day - I did however stop my car on the way to work after id done thd test and tell a complete stranger that I was pregnant, I just wanted to say the words out load.


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## melodyy_mtb

For a second I forgot that *SpudsMama* got her BFP! :wohoo: And now I'm getting excited all over again lol. Cant wait to see your test when it gets darker. :hugs:

*InVivoVeritas* Omg we are! :friends: Although I think i may have ovulated last night. It's hard to tell because I had a drink last night and my temps are always high the morning after. :wacko: Anyway here's to a quick and stress free 2ww... hopefully lol. We'll keep each other sane. We've got lots of babydust floating around this thread. Fx for us both! 

*Keebs* Thanks. We need some more bfps in this group! I hope you o. Would you be able to get another donation?

*Rags* That's so adorable. I cant imagine how shocked you must have felt. Even though you were actively ttc, I bet actually getting a bfp takes a while to sink in. So cute stopping your car an telling a stranger :hugs:


----------



## SpudsMama

I got another faint faint line on a FRER at 2am this morning :haha: My phone and iPad still won't pick it up very clearly. Diluted pee though as I obviously didn't hold it all night like I would have if I'd slept right through and I'd had a lot of juice before going to bed :dohh: Clearblue digital was negative but I'm hoping that's just because of weak urine and not faulty FRERs!! I'm very scared of a chemical because I had one in May and it really knocked my confidence. It's made me much more sceptical about testing early which is why I'd been trying to avoid it. 

I hope you did indeed ovulate yesterday Melody! 

How cute Rags! I had a funny moment with the pharmacist yesterday because she sold me two lots of tests at separate times. First I bought the FRERs, then I got the positive so practically ran back for some digis :rofl: She asked me if I required a congratulations :haha:

I hope you've ovulated and are in the two week wait now Keebs!! :)

C2H - fingers crossed we can be bump buddies! :)

Vivo - good luck this cycle!! :)


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## fairytales87

Looks like I've missed a lot!

Spuds mama: omg!!!!! Massive congratulations I'm so excited & happy for you :happydance: here's to a happy healthy 9 months remember to keep popping in to visit us here tho 

Melody : Your timing sounds good everything crossed for a quick 
2ww and a bfp!!! 

Goodluck In vivo hope this is your month!!!!

Keebs: everything crossed for O and good timing 

I sense a lot of baby dust flying around this thread and I having a feeling about this month I can't quite put my finger on what it is but I feel it will be important :thumbup:


----------



## Keebs

*Emma* :hugs: Digi tests are a lot less sensitive than frers, hopefully nothing more than this. I read about one lady who got a positive frer and her blood same say came back at 6.5 :shock: Can appreciate how worried you must be but still early, hope to see some lovely lines yet :flower:

Have you tested yet *C2H*? 

*Melody* and *Invivo* tww buddies :friends: yay! Right now you may both have a tiny bundle of cells frantically growing and dividing inside you :happydance: 

Your story makes me smile every time I read it *Rags* 


Afm, still no o. Have kind of written this cycle off, think the maca may have messed with things to the extent that it's going to be an anovulatory cycle :dohh: Still an outside chance an egg will make a bid for freedom today but even so most :spermy:have probably expired by now. Yesterdays opk was negative so not trying for another donation, don't want to waste his time when I have no real idea what's happening.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*SpudsMama* I was reading through your blog, I could definitely see a faint line in the first test. I hope they get darker! I'm so excited for you but its understandable that your weary about getting too excited, after what happened in May :hugs: Keep us posted. 

*fairytales87* Thanks hun. I hope you're doing well. I know what you mean, there's just something about this month. A friend from another forum just got her BFP too. She'd been trying for 10 months, same amount of time as me. 

*Keebs* Hehehe I love the way you put that. Just think... there really could be something going on down there as we speak. Dont give up on this cycle just yet. I o'd on cd37 a couple of times before. I hope the macca hasnt messed up this cycle. Fx you o soon!! I'm the same as you though. I hate the thought of wasting my donors time. I'll only call if I'm 100% sure. My mum's like "just stock up on donations, just in case" hahaha weirdo. 

Nothing much going on with me. I'm 2dpo today (possibly). I got my temp shift but like I mentioned to invivo, I had a drink Saturday night and my temp is always high the day after, so Im not sure if it is a real thermal shift or one caused by alcohol :dohh:. So im 1 or 2 dpo lol. I'm hoping i o'd no earlier that Saturday evening, as I inseminated Saturday morning. Not feeling very good today. I'm unusually sick. Not sure if it's something i ate, but i just feel weak, nauseous and just generally gross. I'm not reading into it as I know it's too early. 

Anyway I hope we get some more BFPs this cycle woop woop! :happydance:


----------



## InVivoVeritas

*Child2Hold*, did you test yet? I'm looking forward to more good news.

And *Spud*, digis are notoriously insensitive. I wouldn't read too much into the negative, just keep peeing until you find one that works! The whole TTC business is extremely stressful, those early positives included. Hang in there! Two separate FRERs can't be wrong, right?

*Keebs*, I'msorry this month isn't working out so far. What is it that makes you think that the OPK was wrong? Is your donor flexible enough to give a donation at short notice when you do get your positive? It's times like this that I feel jealous of the ladies TTCing the old fashioned way, with all those very useful sperms on tap! :haha:

*Rags*, that's a lovely story. I can just feel your need to tell *somebody*.

*Melody*, whether you O on Saturday or Sunday I'm still calling us cycle buddies!! I hope your feeling unwell is down to Early Pregnancy Factor, some women are particularly sensitive to it. I feel very positive this month and I'm having to fight the urge to be *too* positive and get my hopes up.

This week is the calm before the storm for me, sandwiched between the anxiety of timing insemination around my variable O and the sheer insanity of the second half of the 2WW. I'm planning to enjoy it while it lasts.


----------



## fairytales87

Ladies 

Where can I learn more information about SI 
I'm so clueless :dohh::blush:


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## Child2Hold

I didn't have any tests at home but didn't want to leave the house. Got tests now. Will test in a little while. :dohh: :wacko:

*ETA]/B] Tested and . No more testing unless  is late.*


----------



## Keebs

*C2H* :hugs: I hate those, still holding out hope you get your positive.

*Emma* Are you testing again? Everything crossed :flower:

*Invivo* IT's not that I think the opk is wrong so much as I thought my body may have tried and failed to ovulate (due to starting the maca). Temp rise this morning so hopefully ovulated yesterday :thumbup: 

Lots of:dust: to you and *Melody* I really do think this will be a momentous month. I didn't even know about early pregnancy factor. Every day is a learning day :haha:

Still feel like I am out, but 5 days pre o has a 5-10% chance (assuming I get a decent lp...last time I ovulated day 20 it was a measly 9 days). On the plus side I feel much more accepting so if needs be should be able to move on to the next cycle without drama.

*Fairytales* The known donor websites are a good place to start, I liked pride angel but think there is similar inforation available on them all... then it was a case of following links and googling bits and pieces. that's how I stumbled on BnB.


----------



## SpudsMama

Yep, tested again with a FRER this morning and got this:



Not altogether happy because it should be a lot darker at 15dpo with first faint lines being three days ago!! AF is due today too :wacko:


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## melodyy_mtb

*InVivoVeritas* Hehe yes we are cycle buddies 100%! I love your take on things. I think a few of us had a strangely good feeling about this month. I hope we get more BFPs :happydance: I'm like you, trying not to get too excited. This tww is killing me already. I just want to skip forward in time. The Susana yesterday was weird. I hope it's a good sign, although i'd say it's way too early. 

How are you feeling?

*fairytales87* There's a thread on here that's pretty good for just general information. https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/assisted-conception/458990-home-artificial-insemination-success-stories.html But yeah if you're looking for info on donors then the sites Keebs suggested are good. I've also been on www.spermdonors.supporttopics.com.

But if you have any specific questions, just ask us. We'll be more than happy to help in anyway we can. I've been inseminating for nearly a year and I'm still learning new techniques.

*Child2Hold* Sorry you got a bfn hun :( It's so hard not testing but then when you do and it's negativ,e you just feel bummed, even though you're not technically out yet. Fx af stays away! :hugs:

*Keebs* Thanks hun! I hate the wait. It drives me crazy lol. I really hope you managed to catch that egg! :hugs:

*SpudsMama* I hope it gets darker!!! How are you feeling today?

AFM 2/3dpo today and feeling really really agitated. I'm not very hopeful about this cycle anymore but i think that's mainly because of my mood. Everyone is pissing me off and im just angry lol. Hopefully it isnt pms...


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## darkriver

Hi
I am stepping in tentatively. I am a single mum who has a one year old and became a single mum 4 months ago. I have made the descision to never date a man again (I am bisexual) but I want another child so will be becoming a solo mummy. 

I will be going to a clinic (quiet cheap near me) and doing that route, but I have to wait a year due to being unemployed and unhealthy.


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## Child2Hold

Bummed but excited I can keep trying. I'm not stopping until I get a :bfp: no matter how long it takes.


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## melodyy_mtb

*darkriver* Welcome :flower: Great to have you here. I know a year seems like a long time away but we have had other women wtt in this group for about that length of time and it always goes quicker than you'd expect. Feel free to keep us posted on your progress. Everyone is lovely here. <3

*SpudsMama* Just read your blog, I am so sorry it's looking like a chemical :sad1: please let us know if anything changes. Thinking of you :hugs:

*Child2Hold* Loving the fight in you. That's the spirit! Remeber, we're ttc ninjas woooaaah! :ninja:

*How's everyone else doing?* Vivo, how you holding up? KN I know you're dealing with a lot at the mo but you're still in my thoughts. Hope you're ok :hugs: Hope everyone else who hasn't spoken in a while are doing ok <3

AFM I have no idea what's going on with my chart! :wacko: 3/4dpo and my temps have taken a nose dive! What does this mean? :cry: I've been reading about a 'second estrogen surge' whatever that is. Maybe it's that... I dunno. Hope is slowly going out the window this month. I'm still super emotional too.


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## darkriver

I have found out I might have to get a cardiologist letter to proceed. I am seeing her in feb (so six months before the treatment begins.) so i will ask her then. Anyone keep what there doing a secret? I have a blog but am keeping the identifying details out as I dont jinx myself.


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## fairytales87

Welcome Darkriver

Melody: I'm not sure what the temp drop means but I'm still keeping everything crossed for you!!!

Spuds mama: :hugs:

I hope everyone else is holding up ok and keeping well


Afm: I'm officially aboard the IUI roller coaster & utterly terrified yet excited


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## InVivoVeritas

Wow, I turn my back for five minutes and this thread just takes off!

*fairytales*, for me the biggest element of SI is finding the right donor. I recommend Pride Angel too, but if you do choose to explore SI as an option, take your time and explore your options.

*C2H*, I'm sorry to hear about your BFN. You're not out until :witch: shows, though. Plus there's always next month.You're on the bandwagon now!

*Keebs*, I'm glad it looks like O did happen inside your window. Time to settle in to the 2WW and drive yourself insane with symptom spotting. The reason I asked was that I had a cycle earlier this year where I had a +OPK but didn't ovulate until 9 days later. It's left me paranoid and untrusting of OPKs. What DPO do you think you're on now?

*Spuds*, I'm really sorry to hear about your suspected chemical. You have all my good thoughts :hugs:

*melody*, sounds like a secondary oestrogen surge to me. Have you ever Googled oestrogen dominance? There's a known link with PCOS and it can have a big effect on your mood. Hang in there, it's much too early to count yourself out yet.

Welcome *darkriver*, sounds like you know exactly what you want and how to get it. I hope you stick around this thread, there's a lot of support here.

Me, there's nothing at all going on here yet. I'm 3dpo and the 2WW is stretching out forever in front of me.


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## Child2Hold

*InVivo* Went to PCP today and even she said I'm not out.


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## fairytales87

In vivo: Thank you I admire all your knowledge and I'm grateful for your advice I'm not sure I'm brave enough for SI but it would be an easier option for me given my job etc.


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## darkriver

I hope the TWW speed up. I remember buying tons of test and when I got the positive at 12dpo I couldnt believe it. Its so hard waiting. This year is going go slow for me. However I have began losing weight so theres a start.


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## SpudsMama

Quick note from me while LO eats lunch... I started bleeding today so it was definitely another chemical. I'm taking November off because I don't want to be due on or around Phoebe's birthday. Fingers crossed for a Christmas BFP, a sticky one!!


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## darkriver

SpudsMama said:


> Quick note from me while LO eats lunch... I started bleeding today so it was definitely another chemical. I'm taking November off because I don't want to be due on or around Phoebe's birthday. Fingers crossed for a Christmas BFP, a sticky one!!

Aww hun I am so sorry. Hugs:hugs:


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## darkriver

Okay so I have a couple of questions. Would you start tracking your cycle now? I know temping is popular and am considering getting a Basal temp thing. Anyone know what is a good one?


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## Child2Hold

*Spudsmama* :hugs:


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## fairytales87

Spuds mama: I'm so sorry big hugs:hugs:


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## Keebs

:hugs: I am so sorry *Emma* 

*Invivo* I am a day behind you, 3 dpo.... just a waiting game from here :coffee: 

*Fairytales* Ooooh exciting, tell us more :flower:

*Darkness* :wave: Well done on the weight loss :thumbup: I use a babymad themometer, does the job fine but I would much prefer if it had a backlight.


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## fairytales87

Keebs:I went ahead with my clinic after my appointment 
& chose from the donor list there & I've completed my consent appointment 
So I was waiting for O day but as it got closer I started to panic about everything however I've got myself back together now so it's just a waiting game again


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## InVivoVeritas

*Spud*, I'm so sorry. Hang in there, we're here if you need us. :hugs:

*Child2*, I see that your ticker is back to CD1 -- did AF arrive? Onwards and upwards!!

*Fairytales*, there's no right path, just the one that's right for you. Sounds like you're well on your way! Have you decided yet when you plan your first try?

*Darkriver*, I hope the year doesn't drag too much. I had to take most of this year off due to not wanting to be too pregnant during a family holiday and it didn't drag as much as I thought it would. Starting to chart would be a great way to keep yourself sane. I didn't temp (never have), but I tracked symptoms of O and post-O, and I got a good idea of how my cycles worked.

*Keebs* and *Melody*, anything doing with you?

I'm feeling like I usually do mid 2WW. Too early to even start symptom spotting.


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## melodyy_mtb

*darkriver* Hope your cardiologist app goes ok! I think a lot of us, even couples who are ttc keep things hush hush whilst they try. Sometimes fmaily members and friends can add to the stress and pressure of ttc. I know especially if you're trying as a smbc (single mother by choice) then people can just be so negative about it. Personally I have only told my mum and two friends. I have a blog too. It definitely helps doesn't it?

Getting the charting started early is definitely a good idea. The more you know about your body, the better. Temping isnt necessary, especially at the beginning. I got my bbt on ebay. It was only a couple of pounds and works fantastically. Make sure you search for an actual bbt and not just a thermometer.

*fairytales87* Thanks hun, and congrats on officially getting the ball rolling with IUI! Aww its ok that you panicked. I'm sure a lot of us would do the same, but well done for preparing for your next ovulation. I have eeeeeeverything crossed that it wont take you long to get your bfp :hugs:

*SpudsMama* Still thinking of you hun. Maybe it'sa good thing you're taking November off. Give your mind and body a wee rest before trying again. Hope you're ok <3 :hugs: <3

*InVivoVeritas* Hey cycle buddy hehe Yeah im beginning to think it was. I've never had one of those before. Some women seem to think it could be a good sign :wacko: I googled estregon dominance but got confused. So many articles :cry: TWW driving you crazy yet? lol. :hugs:

AFM Temps are back up again so I have no idea what's going. I think like Vivo said, it must have been a second estrogen surge. I'm cd5/6 today and have nothing symptom related to report. I kind of want this 2ww to hurry up so i can find out but im also scared of seeing yet another bfp.


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## Child2Hold

*InVivo* Yup. The :witch: got me. I'm calm and relaxed. I just knew it wasn't my cycle but my body played tricks on me.


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## InVivoVeritas

Good on you, Child, staying so calm. That's a great attitude and one I can never manage myself. Onwards to your next try, right?

And Melody, how are you feeling now cycle-buddy? I'm glad your temps went back up again, and I've got everything crossed that the dip means something very good for you this month. Half way there now, right?

I'm 7dpo, and don't feel any different from any other cycle. This time, though, I'm not dwelling over every twinge. Progress!


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## Keebs

:hugs: *C2H* sorry af came, here's to the next cycle :dust:

Thanks for explaining *fairytales* I don't imagine there are many of us who have gone through this without a wobble or two :loopy: it's such a major life change... and our route to motherhood is still relatively unconventional to the wider world. Once we are out the other side of our wavering our conviction and desire for this is all the stronger, and that (I am convinced) makes us great mummies in the end :flower: :angelnot:

6 dpo for me and remarkably calm (I think c2h is rubbing off on me :flower:) although that may be because, realistically, it is only a miniscule chance this time. Or maybe it's an October thing because I feel much like I did 1st time ttc (not expecting it but still slightly hoping) Will test on Friday if af stays away, although if this cycle is like last one she'll arrive on Wed :growlmad: 

*Invivo* and *Melody* have you guys got a test date in mind?

Can't wait to see what your chart does tomorrow Melody... a big rise might just make me poop my pants in excitement :haha: You don't provide me with a chart to stalk Invivo growlmad:) so I have to wait for manual updates :coffee:

Good luck everyone :dust: I may not be obsessing about a bfp this time, but it's almost painful how much I want this (for all of us ttc and wtt) :flower: :kiss:


----------



## darkriver

This weekend has been tough. On Thursday I had a visit from ex husband gran who is more of a grandparent then any of our parents. She asked if I planned to date again soon. I explain I was happy being single. She then asked if I wanted any more children. I didn't know what to say. I said I did but obviously I wasnt in the position and she automatically assumed that my DD was going to be an only child.


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## melodyy_mtb

*Vivo* Heeey cycle buddy. How you

*Keebs* Aww that's good you're staying so calm :hugs: I'm slowly getting nervous. I know you didnt inseminate at the most perfect time but all it takes is one little :spermy: to get too that egg, and I really have read about sperm lasting up to 7 days in there. I have my fx for you <3 I got a dip yesterday but then a massive rise today. I just have no idea whats going on! I feel sick lol. Never had a temp higher than 36.90 and today was 37.2! :wacko: 

*darkriver* Oh hun that must have been awkward. We've all been there though. It's difficult to not scream at people who dont know what you're doing. But keeping things secret is usually for the best. Could you tell her your plans? Or would she not agree with how you're choosing to have a second child?


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## InVivoVeritas

*fairytales*, I didn't realise that you intended to go ahead this next O! That's really big news, no wonder you got a bit nervous. Anything we can do to help you stay calm, just let us know. When do you expect to O?

*Keebs*, good on you for staying so calm. Yes your BFP is less likely, but there are an awful lot of stories out there who tried just as long before O and got their BFP. Besides, getting a positive on your first try is just as unlikely. :winkwink:

*Darkriver*, how awkward for you. By the same token, though, you've now planted the idea in ex-gran-in-law's mind. And I'm sure she'd much prefer a new baby on the way with no pesky man in the way to interfere with her relationship with DD.

*Melody*, that sounds really promising, especially at this stage after O! When do you plan to test?

Me, I'm 8dpo today and that's when my symptoms kick in every cycle. The lovely, calm first week of the 2WW is over and from this point I'll be an insane mess. With LittleMan I saw a BFP at 11dpo with a digi, so my plan is to test at 10dpo (Wednesday) with a FRER. I'm very nervous because I want this so very badly.

Best of luck to all of us, this next week in particular.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*Vivo* I wrote a massive reply to you in my last post and it somehow got deleted to just "Heeey cycle buddy. How you" hahahaha. Yeah ff says im 9dpo today but i could be 8. I'm really nervous. I dont want to get my hopes up too much, cause it would just be devastating to get yet another bfn :cry: This is my 11th try! But yeah my temp dipped and went back up again to a really high 37.2 and today i feel sick and like im getting a cold. 

Awww I hope we can both stay calm lol. I dont know when I'm going to test. I think your plan sounds good. Af is due Saturday/Sunday so I might try to hold out until Friday, but i dont know if i can stop myself from buying a frer after work today lol. 

Lots and lots of :dust: for you hun. I reeeeally hope this is it for you... and me :happydance: <3


----------



## darkriver

She is very old fashioned and doesnt understand about stuff like that.


----------



## InVivoVeritas

*Darkriver*, I'm sorry that having her bring up the subject ruined your weekend. Remember, though, that you don't have to tell anybody you don't want to even when the baby's here. A lot of the people around me still don't know where LittleMan came from, and I don't encourage questions.

*Melody*, how's that temp looking today? And did you buy that FRER on your way home from work? I'm nearly as excited for your test as I am for my own.

*Keebs*, is the insanity hitting you yet?

Me, I'm shuttling between hopeful and not getting my hopes up, and I'd really like to know one way or the other before I drive myself nuts.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*darkriver* Ah well I guess it would be better to keep it from her... for now. You never know though, family can surprise you.

*Vivo* My temps are all over the place. I'm trying not to read into it too much but I caved and tested. Actually I tested last sunday too lol. Both bfns. I know it's super early but I cant help but feel like I'm out this month. I'm feeling very emotional and a tiny bit crampy so I think that's it for me :cry: I dont have anymore tests in the house so hopefully I can hold out until af is due. Hope you're not driving yourself crazy lol :hugs:


----------



## Keebs

No insanity *invivo*, well maybe just a touch :blush: mostly I'm accepting this is not my cycle but every now and a little glimmer of hope appears and the madness tries to take hold. Had an urge to :test: this morning (despite massive nose dive in temps :haha:) but fortunately no tests in the house, working tomorrow and Thurs (whole cupboard full of them there) so that will be the real test. 

I _will _be strong! No... really, I will :rofl:

Honestly though, I think if I can get an lp of 11 days or more I'll count this cycle a success.

Really, really hope this is your cycle :dust:


*Melody* Got so excited when I saw your chart, I hope you are wrong and your next af is over a year away :dust: :hugs: :dust:


*Darkriver* :hugs: Ttc in secret is hard, hard, hard.

I bet she'll be overjoyed when she meets her next grandchild regardless :flower: My Gran is aware that dd is a donor child, but totally doesn't believe it. She insists there is a neglectful father out there. I just leave her to it :shrug:


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## InVivoVeritas

Aw, Melody! I know how awful the brash of a BFN feels, even when you do test early :hugs:

10dpo is still pretty early though -- I had a BFN at 10dpo when I was pregnant with LittleMan. Don't give up until you hear that old witch singing.

And Keebs, I think out of all of us you're going to be the one who pulls out that BFP!


----------



## darkriver

Keebs said:


> No insanity *invivo*, well maybe just a touch :blush: mostly I'm accepting this is not my cycle but every now and a little glimmer of hope appears and the madness tries to take hold. Had an urge to :test: this morning (despite massive nose dive in temps :haha:) but fortunately no tests in the house, working tomorrow and Thurs (whole cupboard full of them there) so that will be the real test.
> 
> I _will _be strong! No... really, I will :rofl:
> 
> Honestly though, I think if I can get an lp of 11 days or more I'll count this cycle a success.
> 
> Really, really hope this is your cycle :dust:
> 
> 
> *Melody* Got so excited when I saw your chart, I hope you are wrong and your next af is over a year away :dust: :hugs: :dust:
> 
> 
> *Darkriver* :hugs: Ttc in secret is hard, hard, hard.
> 
> I bet she'll be overjoyed when she meets her next grandchild regardless :flower: My Gran is aware that dd is a donor child, but totally doesn't believe it. She insists there is a neglectful father out there. I just leave her to it :shrug:

She wont be a grandparent to the next one. She is my ex husbands gran.


----------



## InVivoVeritas

BFN for me today. Thus ends the insanity for one more cycle.


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## melodyy_mtb

*Keebs* Aww thanks for having such faith in my temps cause i sure dont :rofl: They took a nose dive this morning so I think we all know what's coming lol. Well... I say nose dive, but my sleep was interrupted a lot (had to let my bloody cat out at 6am :growlmad:)

I hope you managed to stay away from those tests at work hehe. I dont know how you do it :o Love your outlook on things though. I really really hope this is your month, but like you said, if you get a normal length lp, you can count this as a good cycle :hugs:

*Vivo* :nope: I dont wanna believe it. Well you know what I'm going to say... it's not over until af rears her ugly head, but I know how you must be feeling. I still have my fx for you. When is af due? It's Saturday for me. I dont think im going to test anymore. My temps are climbing down anyway. :cry:


----------



## Keebs

Well sadly this was not a good cycle. Pesky witch arrived today, not feeling too bad at her arrival as I was pretty much expecting her but am sooooo frustrated at her timing :brat: yet another 8 day lp. Was really hoping the maca would have helped. Not sure if donor will be free this month either, fingers crossed.

So sorry for the bfn *Invivo* :hugs: they are soul destroying. You are only 10 dpo though right? Not out of the running just yet. Still holding out hope for you :flower: Not sure why but I don't think I'm going to get my bfp until after you get yours... so _really_ holding out hope :haha:

*Melody* this ttc business stinks at times :hugs:, I hate that feeling of impending af and yet still hoping against hope she doesn't arrive. Was there much of a drop today? I've been overlaying my pregnancy chart on yours and the later temps are pretty similar (doesn't mean much but still gives me that glimmer of hope... I swear I'm as excited for you guys as I am for myself) :haha:


----------



## InVivoVeritas

Aw *Keebs*, sorry to hear about the :witch: turning up. I had a very short LP when I was TTC my second daughter and I went with a combination of Agnus Castus and progesterone supplements (I've always had progesterone issues). Have you considered seeing your GP?

Really hoping that your donor will be able to manage a quick donation. Missing a month is hateful. And I really don't think I'm going to get my BFP before yours! I'm starting to wonder if my age is a factor here. I'm 42, and there's every chance that my window has closed for good.

*Melody*, AF is due on Saturday, same as you. And how was your temp this morning? I'm not seeing a big drop on your chart so far, just some ups and downs. How are you feeling today?

For me AF usually turns up at 13dpo, so I don't plan to test again either. I did have one cycle back in February where I had a 22-day DPO -- that was the start of my cyst. That one drove me nuts with no :witch:, continuing early pregnancy symptoms and continual BFNs. In some ways having her turn up on time is a relief (when I'm getting BFNs at least), because it means no messed up cycle.


----------



## darkriver

Sorry to hear AF arrived Ladies. Its so tough isnt it. I just started crying because someone posted a scan picture on facebook. Sigh. This wait is already killing me.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

:witch: She's heeeeere. 

Yup af got me this morning. I knew she was on her way since Thursday so it it's no _real _ suprise but still disapointing. This was try number 11 so i'm hoping 12 the magic number :haha: Anyway back on this crazy baby making train. Let's go! 

*Keebs* Aww you're so sweet. Lol I thouhht i had the ss under control but I realise now that I spent every day from like 3dpo scrutinizing charts on ff and comparing them with my own. That's basically symptom spotting in my eyes :haha: Sorry your lp was so short again :hugs: I struggled with that for a while. Kept getting 6 and 7 day long lps. Vivo is right about the chastberry/vitext. It definitely helped with that. Although it does take a few cycles to truly start working. I hope the macca statrs doing it's thing. Onto the next cycle we go :ninja:

*Vivo* How you doing cycle buddy? I saw from your blog that af got you too. So sorry hun :hugs: The symptoms really seemed promising this cycle :growlmad:

*darkriver* Thanks hun. Aww it can be crap seeing all those pregnancy posts cant it? Hope you're feeling better :hugs:You know there's this app that can replace ttc words and pictures on facebook with stuff about bacon lol.


----------



## InVivoVeritas

*Darkriver*, :hugs:. It's a hateful feeling when you're ready for a baby but the universe and everything in it is conspiring against you. Be good to yourself, and surround yourself with people who understand if you can (easier said than done!).

*Melody*, I'm so sorry about the :witch:, I really thought that this was your month. I love your attitude, though -- back on that horse and see what next month brings. We'll get there!!!

Me, I'm really disappointed that AF showed this time. It was an odd cycle for me -- my symptoms usually start to die down about 11dpo, but this time they're still here even now. I did get my hopes up (as usual!), but I'm getting used to disappointment by now.

Onwards, to next time.


----------



## Keebs

*Invivo* Sorry the :witch: turned up, I hope you are indulging in something fabulous and forbidden (in pregnancy) tonight :hugs:

Age is such a worry then ttc, and yet decades ago women were consistantly popping children out in their forties. I just don't think that fertility plummets after 35 for everyone, most people probably experience a more gradual decline. Having already conceived in your forties is surely a positive that your fertility is delcining slower than most. :dust: for next cycle :hugs:


*Melody* Darn :witch: just doesn't know when she's not wanted (her social skills are appauling frankly!). So very sorry she turned up :hugs: I too thought this was your cycle. Guess you get to go to your party now though... hopefully heavily pregnant and requiring a Dr letter to fly :thumbup: Here's to an August baby instead :ninja:


*Darkriver* Waiting is hard :hugs: I hope you too are indulging in something fabulous this weekend.


As for me, I doubt I'll go the the Dr, she'll just tell me to stop breastfeeding. I've been taking vitex since June so suspect it's the prolactin thats causing my problems. Really torn now as still loathe too force dd to wean for an eventuality that may never happen, and yet I worry that if she doesn't wean I'll never be able to sustain a pregnancy. 8 days is just not long enough, the lining has probably already started to deteriorate before the egg is out of the tubes :dohh:


----------



## darkriver

I am not. I am more concerned where my AF is. I am two days late. Not had sex in two months and no sign of my period. I have been emotional today, but hope thats down to tiredness. We used protection and i came on two weeks later so I dont know.


----------



## darkriver

Have made the decision to start now. Hopefully making the first step at the end of next month.


----------



## SpudsMama

Eeeek, fingers crossed for you darkriver!! :happydance:


----------



## darkriver

Pah. The first donor tried Ni. I was like no thanks. I have found one who is very fertile lol. He is prolific and has several successful donations and looks like a little boy I dreamt about.


----------



## 2kidsplusttc3

Yes i am a single mom. :) I am ttc my 3rd child. and just did an artificial insemination today.


----------



## Child2Hold

*darkriver* It's disgusting how many keep pushing NI even when search specifically says AI. Makes me wanna grab a shovel and bash their heads in. Then I remember I'd do horrible in jail.

Welp. I think I missed my LH surge. No +OPK yet and I should've ovulated already. Blood HCG came back negative which I knew it would. Dr said it was still early when I did it and asked if I wanted to POAS. I was like I'm good. Now to wait for either +OPK or new cycle.


----------



## Keebs

*darkriver* Aaaaargh, it makes me so cross when men pull the NI card late in the game. My donor half heartedly tried it on the day of donation... I'd been clear about AI all the way along and he still asked if I'd like AI, AI plus or AI extra. I had no idea what he was even talking about, suspect the look on my face said it all :haha: 

Hope your new one is a keeper :thumbup:

I confess I had a bit of a flash back to a donor I encountered, whom I would definitely have described as prolific, when I read your post. However, you seem really comfortable with yours so I very much doubt it's the same one. fingers crossed for you.... sooooo exciting :flower:


*2kidsplusttc3* Yay, good luck! How are you holding up during the tww? 


*Child2Hold* lol, even harder to concieve in gaol so defo not worth it. I am amazed at how cool and collected you are about all of this ttc business, a bit envious too :haha: Hope you are just having a late surge :flower:


As for me, I take back all I said about Maca and even temps. Mine are all over the place, it's ridiculous. Giving it one more cycle before I pack it in. Feel guilty because I know you are supposed to wait 3 months for most things, but I am very conscious of the march of time here. Big 40 in January eeeeep!


----------



## darkriver

*Keebs* The guy I am talking to hasnt pushed for NI. Accepts my choice. He is honest and I have to admit when I first get his message I was a bit taken back due to the length. However what reassured me was that he has had checks, no diseases. I was honest up front about my own health and he was okay. He has been in the newspaper and it also helped we had a chat and he was straight up and honest. I had a good feeling.


----------



## Child2Hold

*keebs* Me? Calm? :haha: It was a late surge (only by a day) but wasn't able to get a donation in due to work. :hissy: Now awaiting AF so I can attack next cycle with a vengeance. 

Anybody taking Super B Complex or B6 vitamins? This cycles I started taking Super B Complex and am seeing an increase in CM. I looked it up and B6 helps with progesterone. It seems like I did something good inadvertently.


----------



## Caite

Hi girls

It's been a month since I've been on here! I've just been so busy with work and everything. Anyway, I thought I'd come and have a quick catch up with you all.

Spudmama - I'm so sorry :hugs:

Darkriver - I'm planning on keeping things secret. My family are not pro-fertility intervention at all. They think it is very unnatural. I tell them it is, but so is the medication they are happy to take everyday. I don't even plan on telling them how when/if I am successful. I won't lie, but I'll just let them make their own assumptions.

Fairytales - I'm panicking about things already, and it's months until I start. At the moment, my biggest worry is the logistics of going abroad for treatment.

I'm looking forward to next year, I'm really excited about it. After Christmas, I'm going to start doing all the things I can to prepare my body for pregnancy. I know I should be doing them all know, but I started it last new year, and then TTC got postponed (again!) and I just sort of lost my motivation. And besides, I'm so busy with work and outside of work commitments that I barely have time to do anything at the moment.


----------



## 2kidsplusttc3

Keebs said:


> *darkriver* Aaaaargh, it makes me so cross when men pull the NI card late in the game. My donor half heartedly tried it on the day of donation... I'd been clear about AI all the way along and he still asked if I'd like AI, AI plus or AI extra. I had no idea what he was even talking about, suspect the look on my face said it all :haha:
> 
> Hope your new one is a keeper :thumbup:
> 
> I confess I had a bit of a flash back to a donor I encountered, whom I would definitely have described as prolific, when I read your post. However, you seem really comfortable with yours so I very much doubt it's the same one. fingers crossed for you.... sooooo exciting :flower:
> 
> 
> *2kidsplusttc3* Yay, good luck! How are you holding up during the tww?
> 
> 
> *Child2Hold* lol, even harder to concieve in gaol so defo not worth it. I am amazed at how cool and collected you are about all of this ttc business, a bit envious too :haha: Hope you are just having a late surge :flower:
> 
> 
> As for me, I take back all I said about Maca and even temps. Mine are all over the place, it's ridiculous. Giving it one more cycle before I pack it in. Feel guilty because I know you are supposed to wait 3 months for most things, but I am very conscious of the march of time here. Big 40 in January eeeeep!

 I am hating the tww!!! It is driving me nuts!!!!! ahhh....


----------



## wonders10

Hi ladies!

May I join?

I'm also single, 34. Ended my engagement with my fiancé in September and I have no desire to date. I do have a desire to be a mommy. I've been seriously considering using donor sperm and my ironically, my ex-fiancé has said he would think about donating to me. If I use someone I don't know I am thinking I should do IUI, but I'm very confused about the cost. I know insurance doesn't cover it, but how much is the actual procedure? The prices I see vary widely.

Thanks for the help! Thanks for letting me join! :flower:


----------



## Rags

Wonders10, hello and welcome. You will get lots of good advice and support on here. These are a lovely group of women who have gone down many paths over the last couple of years. Unfortunately I can't give you any idea of costs across the Atlantic but will happily listen to your story and follow your journey to parent hood, I hope it's a speedy one.


----------



## Keebs

*darkriver* How is it going? Must be getting near donation time now, hope it all goes well :flower:

*Child2Hold* Bah, sorry you missed it. I'm not taking B vits but it's next in my arsenal to try and lengthen my lp. Hesitating purely because it throws ovulation off for some people. Glad they are working for you, here's to a christmas bfp.


*Caite* Hey :wave: time is flying past. Did you get the job you were after? 


*2kidsplusttc3* You must be over half way by now, will you be testing early or waiting until af is late? Fingers crossed for you :dust:


*wonders10* Hi :hi: and welcome. Sorry I can't help with prices either, could you email a couple of places you are interested in to find out what is included? I look forward to following your journey, as Rags says, hopefully it's a short one :flower:


*Rags* Love it when you drop by :hugs:, I always find your posts so grounding. Please feel free to chime in any time the tww madness oversets me :haha:



I have yet another donation on board, let's hope for a more timely ovulation and lovely long lp for a bean to snuggle in tight! Anyone else done the deed yet?


----------



## 2kidsplusttc3

Keebs said:


> *darkriver* How is it going? Must be getting near donation time now, hope it all goes well :flower:
> 
> *Child2Hold* Bah, sorry you missed it. I'm not taking B vits but it's next in my arsenal to try and lengthen my lp. Hesitating purely because it throws ovulation off for some people. Glad they are working for you, here's to a christmas bfp.
> 
> 
> *Caite* Hey :wave: time is flying past. Did you get the job you were after?
> 
> 
> *2kidsplusttc3* You must be over half way by now, will you be testing early or waiting until af is late? Fingers crossed for you :dust:
> 
> 
> *wonders10* Hi :hi: and welcome. Sorry I can't help with prices either, could you email a couple of places you are interested in to find out what is included? I look forward to following your journey, as Rags says, hopefully it's a short one :flower:
> 
> 
> *Rags* Love it when you drop by :hugs:, I always find your posts so grounding. Please feel free to chime in any time the tww madness oversets me :haha:
> 
> 
> 
> I have yet another donation on board, let's hope for a more timely ovulation and lovely long lp for a bean to snuggle in tight! Anyone else done the deed yet?


I am out for now. I got my period yesterday :( 

but I am going to try again of course. so can not wait till this period is over..


----------



## Child2Hold

*keebs* I didn't know it could lengthen LP. :dohh: Hopefully it doesn't mess with mine too much. I've been taking B12 and Folic all along. If its anything other than those two. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Next AF hurry up and get here so I can get back on track...


----------



## Keebs

Sorry *2kids* how are you hoding up? I find the first few days of af the hardest emotionally. Then it's all about the next cycle, hope this will be your lucky one :flower:


*C2H* It's the B6 that does it I believe, but as with all things doesn't work for everyone. Lol at wishing af here, she just never does what we want does she :haha:


Got a positive opk today so hopefully o by Monday, tomorrow would be better though (if you are listening universe.. hint, hint). Feeling really positive at the moment, although another late o doesn't bode particularly well for a longer lp :dohh:


----------



## darkriver

Sadly got my surge yesterday which puts me at 1dpo today. So we have it booked for next month instead.


----------



## Keebs

7 DPO :coffee: 

Hope everyone is well :flower:


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies! :hugs: :kiss:

I've been away for a bit. Some of you might know that I get a bit down sometimes, and I just need to take a break from it all. Last cycle was my 12 official try. It's been well over a year but due to my erratic cycles, I've only just reached the 1 "year" mark. So it made me think back on the past year, how things have come to be and the realisation that this ttc journey isnt going to be as easy as I thought it would. It jsut all got me a bit down. Plus I think i naturally become a bit blue during the winter months. 

So I took some time away from the forum, blogs, general socialising, and just played video games and ate a lot lol. Anyway, I'm back... ish. I've decided not to temp this month. It's too stresful and ive got other things going on in my life as well, so i cant handle anymore stress lol. I might not even get to try. I didn't get to take soy this month :cry: (late delivery). So I'm doing this au naturual. Currently on cd24 and opks are still negative :(

Anyway....

*Vivo* How you doing? Sorry af got you last time too :( We must have some Christmas bfps in this group!!! You must have o'd by now? Hope you're ok hun :hugs:

*Welcome darkriver, 2kidsplusttc3, and wonders10* So good to have you all here. Everyone is incredibly lovely and supportive on this thread. Sorry for the witch getting you 2kids, and for the late o dark. Lots and lots of baby dust for you all this/next month :dust:

*Keebs* 9dpo for you! Been reading back through your posts. Things sound really really promising. Eeek come on Xmas BFP! :xmas4:

*SpudsMama* Hope you're ok hun. I know you've had a lot going on with your mum and everything. You're in my thoughts and I hope things arent too stressful for you <3

*KN* Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. That is all lol. Thinking of you. x

*Child2Hold* Oh sorry you didnt confirm o. Got everything crossed for this next cycle. I take B complex. I just take it because it's good for you but I must admit, I've also seen an increase in cm(although I've never had it before). 

*Caite* Hey :) Yeah time can fly when you're away from the forum. But it's also flying for you ttc wise. Not long until you're joining us on this crazy journey <3


----------



## Keebs

Melody :flower: :hugs: :happydance: missed you, but totally understand the need for a break. Here's to a relaxed 13 being your lucky cycle :flower: Fingers crossed you ovulate soon.


I am now 10 DPO :happydance: and looking increasingly likely to make it to day 11. Had some pretty horrid vertigo and nausea yesterday, then a small amount of blood on wiping this morning. Was certain I was out, but nothing more so far so still holding out hope. If the :witch: isn't here in the morning I am going to :test: Kind of excited and nervous all together right now. Stay away :af:


----------



## Keebs

:bfn: Waaaaaah


----------



## 2kidsplusttc3

Keebs said:


> Sorry *2kids* how are you hoding up? I find the first few days of af the hardest emotionally. Then it's all about the next cycle, hope this will be your lucky one :flower:
> 
> 
> *C2H* It's the B6 that does it I believe, but as with all things doesn't work for everyone. Lol at wishing af here, she just never does what we want does she :haha:
> 
> 
> Got a positive opk today so hopefully o by Monday, tomorrow would be better though (if you are listening universe.. hint, hint). Feeling really positive at the moment, although another late o doesn't bode particularly well for a longer lp :dohh:

holding up good. had my insemination today. and feeling really good about it. :) now i am back in the tww!!


----------



## 2kidsplusttc3

sorry about the negative test keebs. did your af come? or you going to test again?


----------



## Keebs

Yay, great timming 2kids! Hope this is your cycle :flower:

No show for af yet, but cramping up a storm so probably not too far off. Am delighted to have a reasonable lp back, just wish it was because I was growing a baby :haha:

I'll test again Monday if still in limbo, but highly doubt I'll get that far.


----------



## Child2Hold

*keebs* Boo!!!

So B Complex messed up my cycle big time. There was spotting but not enough to even need a liner. Took a HPT just in case but :bfn:. I honestly don't know what's going on.


----------



## Keebs

Urgh how frustrating *C2H* why do our cycles go wonky as soon as we ttc? :hugs: :flower: :hugs:


----------



## Child2Hold

Our bodies are pranksters?


----------



## 2kidsplusttc3

Keebs said:


> Yay, great timming 2kids! Hope this is your cycle :flower:
> 
> No show for af yet, but cramping up a storm so probably not too far off. Am delighted to have a reasonable lp back, just wish it was because I was growing a baby :haha:
> 
> I'll test again Monday if still in limbo, but highly doubt I'll get that far.


well I am crossing your fingers cramping is not bc af is coming. keeping my fingers crossed for all of us


----------



## Keebs

Well bloody :witch: arrived, not quite as gutted as I have been previous 2 months. Must be due to the 12 day lp :happydance: no fertilised egg, rather than a poor egg trying to hang on to a prematurely disintigrating lining, is much easier to swallow.

Won't be trying this month as due to ovulate right around Christmas, man I hate to waste a shot :sad2:

Hoping my bad luck bodes well for the rest of you ladies, if ever a thread deserved a flurry of Christmas/New Year BFPs this one does :dust::xmas10::dust:


----------



## 2kidsplusttc3

dang really sorry to hear that Keebs. but you have such a positive attitude I am sure it will happen for you. It is only 2 dpo over here. so the wait is on> LOL


----------



## darkriver

Hey all thought I would give an update. Well I missed my chance last cycle, but I started a new one dead on Monday when I should have done. So I now have a 17 day luteral phase. So I am due to start ovulating again around the 18th. I have the donor on stand by. 

I am feeling hopeful this time and wont get upset if it doesnt work.


----------



## K.N

melodyy_mtb said:


> *KN* Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey. That is all lol. Thinking of you. x

Hey hun! Thanks! Thinking of you all too on this crazy journey - I do pop in to read up and catch up; just haven't really been up to posting a whole lot lately hahaa, but I am still here :D


----------



## fairytales87

Hey Girls!!!

I haven't been around for while

Hope you are all well and we get some bfps this month!!!:flower:


----------



## SpudsMama

Hi all! :) Sorry I haven't read back, just wanted to pop in to say I'm taking a break from TTC for a while. Not sure how long yet, I have a lot of other stuff on my plate right now. I intend to keep up with you girls though so good luck everyone!! :happydance:


----------



## InVivoVeritas

Hey there everyone, I'm just checking in to see if I've missed any good news here.

Donor and I haven't been able to co-ordinate our schedules this month (my erratic cycle and the fact that he lives 100 miles away), so TTC is on hold til January. Truthfully, I needed the break emotionally.

Hope the rest of you are doing better than I am -- see you in the new year!


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Seems like we're all randomly taking breaks from ttc. This time of year is so stressful. :hugs: I decided to take a break this month due to a few stresses in my life and just the general emotionalness (not a real word lol) of trying to get pregnant. I called my donor and gave him the holiday season off. Now we can both just relax.

However, I'm still doing my opks and two days ago (cd bloody 36!) :wacko: I got a posite, got another one last night and today but.... about an hour ago i noticed i was spotting! Soooooo my cycles are back to being completely insane. Good thing im on a break. 

*Keebs* Missed you too hun. :kiss: You're always so positive and encouraging. I'm sorry it didn't happen for you this cycle but wow your lp seems to be back to normal! :happydance:

*2kidsplusttc3* Congratulations!!!!!! I saw your ticker. You've only been in the group a short time :o So happy for you hun. Hopefully this is the start of all the BFPs to come rolling in for the group :happydance:

*KN* Glad you're still around. Watching over this thread you started like a mother hen lol. I know what you mean. I haven done a blog post in ages. Just cant be bothered. It's like all your energy goes into actively ttc or at least thinking about it. sometimes you just shut down. 

*darkriver* You should be ovulating in a few days buy the sound of it... Good luck hun :dust:

*fairytales87* Donig alright over her.e Hope you are too :hugs:

*SpudsMama* Totally understand hun. It's been a really stressful time for you from what I can see. Will be thinking of you loads. Hope to see you back on this crazy ttc train soon. <3 <3 <3

*InVivoVeritas* Glad you're ok. Yeah i think we're all kind of needing a break at the mo. Hope you enjoy the holidays with your kids and we'll attack this ttc thing head on in january! :happydance:


----------



## darkriver

I vowed I wouldnt symptom spot. 
However today I feel so nausea so bad. I ovulated early and was inseminated on Tuesday. I also had shooting pains down my right breast. I have eaten and its not made the nausea go away if anything its made it worse.


----------



## Keebs

*2kidsplusttc3* Eeeeeeeee! Congratulations! :happydance: a happy and healthy nine months to you and bump <3


*darkriver* Fingers crossed for you :dust:


*K.N* and *fairytales87* :hi: 


*SpudsMama* :hugs: Absolutely understandable, take care of yourself and hope to see you around soon :kiss:


*InVivoVeritas* :hugs: So sorry hun, ttc is emotionally exhausting (I didn't appreciate this 1st time round). Have a really fabulous time with your beautiful family over Christmas then jump back on the crazy train with the rest of us in the New Year :kiss: <3 :flower:

Rather selfishly I am extra sad you are missing this month, becuase I still don't think I'll get my bfp untilyou have yours :blush: :haha:


*melodyy* :hugs: Sorry you missed out this month too, but hope the break has done you the world of good. I see you are on a new cycle, are you back on the soy this time? Really hope 13 is your lucky ttc number :happydance: 

An autumn baby would be perfect <3 still be able to fly out to your family party and, once baby is here, you get to dress them in lovely hand knitted cardies and booties to keep them toasty warm :cloud9: What could be better, unless you don't share my love of hand knits on babies that is :flower: I confess to having a secret hankering for an autumn/winter baby this time round, in fact, I think we should all have ohne.... lets do it! :ninja:


*Child2hold* How are you? Have you found out what the blazes is going on with your cycles yet? Hope all is well :flower:



As for me ladies, well, my donor is a superstar and came up trumps after all. Did the deed tonight (rather pointlessly it seems, seeing as Invivo is out of the game already :winkwink:), however fingers crossed I actually ovulate and give myself an outside chance. 

I do have to put something out there, we joke about being on the crazy train... but I am beginning to fear I am actually on it for real. Last few weeks I swear I've been feeling fetal movements, well obviously I haven't (because I'm not pregnant :dohh:) but there is just no way I can convince my brain of this when it's happening :haha: Honestly, if I don't get myself up the duff soon they really will be carting me off to bedlam :wacko:

Anyhow, it's a nice surprise being back in the game after thinkig I was out this month. fingers crossed for all of us :dust:

Wishing you all a very merry Christmas if I don't get back before then :xmas6::xmas10::xmas9:


----------



## darkriver

Two weeks and I will know. fx for me because other wise I will have to wait until I can afford a clinic. I am saving up.


----------



## Child2Hold

Well, I guess my new type of AF is just plain spotting. Going to Dr tomorrow so hopefully she'll shed some light. 

Wishing everyone Happy Holidays!! May those of us without BFPs get them in the new year.


----------



## darkriver

Had cramps yesterday and stabbing pains. Only 9 days to go.


----------



## Keebs

OK, I reckon I'm bout 2 DPO. Till now I've always wanted to :test: ridiculously early and yet, where is the benefit to that? Either I spend ages almost willing a 2nd line into existance, or I see/imagine a 2nd line and spend my time worrying about vibility :dohh:

So, this month I aim to try a different tack. I'm pregnant until proven otherwise ladies :haha: This way, hopefully, the urge to test will be less/non existant :haha: as the only benefit to testing is to burst my bubble (either not pregnant or mega worried about chemical). Mind games of a very different kind this time ladies... wonder if it will work :rofl:

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas, and are gearing up for a super New Year... let's bring on the 2015 BFPs!!!


----------



## Child2Hold

Dr said that all is normal and its due to meds which I suspected but its nice to get medical acknowledgement. This cycle's donation has been set up.


----------



## Caite

Keebs &#8211; loving that attitude.

I hope everyone has had a lovely Christmas. Mine was wonderful and the snow yesterday just made it perfect. I cooked far too much for Christmas lunch, but at least it made Boxing Day cooking so much easier &#8211; literally a case of just re-heating food! I stayed at my mum&#8217;s (but still did all the cooking/planning etc) and we had family around. It was just so lovely. I know I thought it last year, but this year I really did think about what it might be like this time next year.


----------



## darkriver

My christmas was awful, however i have been feeling awful. Am constipaged and got a pain in my left side. BFN so far.


----------



## Caite

Darkriver - sorry about your Christmas. Hopefully the BFN's just cos it's too early


----------



## dodgegirl

Hi everyone. Glad to see this post and know that there are some very strong women out there ! :) I am considering SMBC. . I am going to ask a long time friend of mine if he will be a donor. I'm in a LTR but recently my bf said he doesn't want another kid (he has one from his previous relationship/wife)and I'm 36 and tired of waiting and unsure of where me and my bf are headed so I told him I was going to pursue other options. Also have been looking on the www.Knowndonorregistry.com site and it has a lot of good info, trying to keep my mind as open as possible and figure out exactly what I want to do !


----------



## Child2Hold

Welcome dodgegirl!!! :flower:


----------



## dodgegirl

Well I asked my friend and he not against the idea and has thought about it in the past but because he's in a LTR he's not sure where they are going and can't do it right now. He said he would have to see how the next year goes with her before he would do it. So that option is out :(


----------



## darkriver

Getting a pinching pain in stomach. Hoping its implantation. I have tested a few times. A few evaps which have got my hopes up.


----------



## dodgegirl

darkriver said:


> Getting a pinching pain in stomach. Hoping its implantation. I have tested a few times. A few evaps which have got my hopes up.

Ohhh ! Good luck! Lots of BD to you!


----------



## Child2Hold

Still have my Fx for you *darkriver*.
*dodgegirl* I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me. After years of saying yes my first option found himself in a relationship and I never heard from him again.

Well, tonight I have a donation set up. I am a nervous wreck. Ugh!!!


----------



## dodgegirl

Child2Hold said:


> Still have my Fx for you *darkriver*.
> *dodgegirl* I feel your pain. Same thing happened to me. After years of saying yes my first option found himself in a relationship and I never heard from him again.
> 
> Well, tonight I have a donation set up. I am a nervous wreck. Ugh!!!

ohhhh wow that is exciting! ! Thinking good thoughts for you! !! Is it an at home insemination?


----------



## Keebs

Happy New Year!!!

May 2015 be the year of the BFP :flower:

Fingers crossed for you *Darkriver*

Welcome *Dodgegirl* :hi:

Not long now *Caite* :happydance:

Good luck *C2H*, hope this is your lucky cycle.


I'm due AF tomorrow,if she's a no show I'll test on Sunday.Not testing has been such a relief. Got the urge to test at 8 DPO but really, I only want to see a distinct 2nd line so the desire to not test was far greater. Don't know if it will be easier should af arrive, but so far so good :thumbup:


----------



## fairytales87

Goodluck Keebs I hope you get two gorgeous lines on Sunday!!!!


----------



## dodgegirl

Very excited about the next step I made today towards making this motherhood a reality! I have my fertility intake appointment next Tues the 13th then after that I will meet with my dr and she will give me the go ahead on the IUI! I am saving money and hope to start my 1st IUI in march/ April? Depending on how long it will take me to find a donor sperm ! Think I will use nwcryo bank in Spokane Wa. ? Very excited and nervous :)


----------



## Child2Hold

*keebs* - Good luck!!! FX :dust:
*dodgegirl* - Yep. At home inseminations for me.

I think I'm not gonna test unless AF is late. Let's see if that'll actually take. :haha:


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Happy New Year Ladies! :dust: Babydust is the only kind of fireworks display I'm thinking about this year lol.

I hope you're all had a great Christmas and a lovely nye. Both of mine were very chilled. Just how I like it. I even stayed in on new years eve. Just watched some movies with a friend and had a few (a lot of) drinks :haha: As I mentioned before, I took this cycle off. The stress of my fertility problems and ttc in general really got to me, and I hit a bit of a low. So I thought it best to just sit that month out. And boy did it help! I had a relaxing December. I feel rejuvenated and optimistic about the coming months. 

I'm currently on cd17. I might have o'd. I dont know. Didnt check lol. I did take the soy so I'm expecting af on the 14th of Jan. So if all goes to plan, I'll be going full speed with my first cycle of 2015. TTC ninja whoahhh :ninja:

Now for the shoutouts :laugh2:

*darkriver* Sorry you had a bad Chrismtas. People really can depress and stress themselves with this holiday. I decided a few years ago to do absolutely nothing for xmas. No decorations, no gifts. Just tv and snacks. Never been happier lol. I hope you've got some good news for us. Af is due today/tomorrow? Lots anf lots of babydust coming your way hun :hugs:

*Keeeeebs* Aww you remembered about the trip :kiss: Yeah an autumn baby would be lovely. I adore baby knits. I actually have these soft knitted booties I was supposed to give to my cousin years ago for her baby but forgot lol. Who knows, maybe I can keep them for myself hehehe. You crack me up. Im with you on the feeling crazy thing :wacko: I've been getting tiny womb contractions on and off for months. It's most likely a random spasm or yet another misleading af symptom, but when im alone i imagine it's a baby kick :rofl:

I am praying to all the Gods, even the ones I've never heard of that you kickstart our 2015 BFP streak with some great news tomorrow. Pregnant until proven otherwise :rofl: love it! Well done you for not testing! Fx hun. But if this isnt your month, at least we get to be ninjas again woohoo lol. :dust:

*Child2Hold* Eeeeek you got your donation! Awesome news! :happydance: Here's to a stress free tww... easier said than done I know lol. Good luck hun <3

*Caite* Glad you had a great Chrismta.s I think it's some sort of universal law that you must stuff your face on December 25th until you cant breath haha. So not long for you. If it doesnt happen for me in the next couple of months, looks like we'll be clinic buddies. I'm planning on Spring ivf. Cant wait to have you join us :hugs:

*dodgegirl* Welcome! :hugs: I'm glad you found this thread. The urge to be a mother is something you just cant explain to others. It's a shame your boyfriend doesnt share your dream, but it seems like you are well on your way to getting that bfp! Sounds like you're doing the right researchand having all the appropriate tests. I cant wait to hear more about your ttc journey :hugs:


----------



## Caite

It's been a long time coming, Melody, but I'm definitely starting this year! FX you'll get your BFP before you have to go down the IVF route. What have you decided to do about IVF, just in case you do have to do it? I'm glad that having the month out has really helped. From what you all write on here, TTC is so stressful.

I'm hoping to get started late spring/early summer time. At Christmas, I could just picture Christmas this year, and telling my family. That would be absolutely amazing! There's possibly some permanent hours coming up soon where I'm banking, so that would be great. I'm throwing myself in to preparing for a baby - I'm being more careful with money and I'm going to get as fit and healthy as I can be (although I drank far too much new year's eve!). I'm even starting researching everything again, in detail. I'm pretty certain I've found the clinic I want to use. Flights are cheap over there, hotels aren't too bad, and the actual IVF is really reasonable compared to over here - and they have anonymous donation, which is what I want. But I have just realised that I would have to spend about 5 days over there, which I never really realised before. But I guess with everything I probably should have realised that!


----------



## Keebs

:witch: arrived in a timely fashion, so no testing for me. Totally gutted, and only a 9 or 10 day lp to boot. Really starting to worry this will never happen, I turn 40 this month :argh: :help: :ignore: 

Have asked donor if he's willing to have one more try, then I'm off to the Doc as that will be 6 months and time is not on my side.

Not one cycle has been consistent, from ov dates, to symptoms during tww, to lp, to how af presents :sad2: I think I am broken :wacko:

Will reply properly tomorrow as typing this on my kindle at work and it's nigh on impossible to get anything down without kindle changing it :growlmad:


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## Child2Hold

*keebs* Boooo!!


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## darkriver

Af due to day and I have a big fat negative. Have my headache that I get before AF arrives and feel rubbish. Still no sign of AF


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## Keebs

Good luck *C2H*, hope you manage to hold out on the testing and get two lovely fat lines for your trouble :flower:

Things seem to be moving along nicely* Dodgegirl* what is the intake appt about? Will they do tests or just general history and stuff?

*Melody* So pleased to see you back :friends: I had a quiet Christmas and NY too (was working Christmas, and asleep by ten on hogmanay :haha:) Aside from the working part is was perfect. 

It seems wrong that ttc is so stressful given that stress makes ttc even harder :dohh: Hopefully your refreshed and rejuvenated ovaries pop out the golden egg this time, still plenty of time for an Autumnal baby :cloud9:

*Caite* Oooooh, exciting... which country have you chosen (or do you not want to say yet)? 


Well, af lasted all of 1.5 days, just very light spotting now :growlmad: Clearly I am just not fertile at the moment.... of course, my irrational ttc madness doesn't see this and thinks :test: it's utterly ridiculous but I am ashamed to say I did test and got a lovely pink evap for my trouble (nada at 5 mins, thin pink line when checked again about 40 mins). So essentially I have put myself right back into that limbo land of hope over reality. 

Reality chances are: *99.9% not pregnant* / 0.1% pregnant
Hope sees: 99.9% not pregnant / 0.1% *pregnant*


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## Caite

Darkriver - sorry about the AF symptoms and the negative test. :hugs:

Keebs - I'm with you in that I saw that and thought 'ooh, maybe...'

I'm planning on going to Denmark. They have anonymous donations there, which is what I want, and they treat single women, which is obviously what I need. The prices are so much cheaper than the UK. They have a package where they will treat you up until 3 cycles or a birth for about 36500 koronas (or something spelt like that) which is about £3800. Sperm costs about 1500koronas, which would be about £150. And then extras to IVF are reasonable, such as ICSI cost about 3000koronas (£350). Obviously there's the cost of medication, but that would be the same cost here or there. And then the flights and hotel on top, but flights are so cheap, and there are reasonable hotels. Though everything I have read about Copenhagen says it is quite an expensive city.

I'm going to wait until May or June and then hopefully start the process. I think I can have my first consultation over the phone. There is a scan on day 19-23, which I would imagine could be done over here in the UK (otherwise that would be an extra flight and possibly an extra night in a hotel), and then obviously going over there for the egg aspiration and transfer.

They can transfer back up to 3 embryos - I'm still thinking about maybe having 2 transferred back. 

I did look at a few other countries. Some don't treat single women, and some of the clinics (from the website) made me feel uncomfortable, so I ruled them out.


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## darkriver

How long would you wait to test after you miss a period.Day late now.


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## Caite

Ooh! Test Darkriver! Excited!


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## Caite

I got a little bored at work today when waiting for patients. I started reading some of the fertility and maternity patient leaflets. It felt naughty but exciting to be reading them 'from the other side.'


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## Child2Hold

*caite* I'm so excited for you!! Soon!! :happydance:

*darkriver* So did ya :test:? Or did :witch: get you? I'm sooooo curious.

I want my wait to be over. Why must we wait for everything? AF, wait ~2 weeks, insem, wait ~2 weeks, and find out if you begin a new cycle or wait ~40 weeks for gift. Waiting sucks.


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## Caite

I take it you're in your TWW then child2hold? How many days til testing?


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## Child2Hold

*caite* Testing is bad. LOL I don't wanna test. But 10-12 days to AF.


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## Caite

Aww, a bit of a wait then.


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## Child2Hold

Unfortunately.


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## darkriver

I am out ladies. AF arrived and its been awful since. Cramps are nightmare. Thats me out now until I am fully settled.


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## dodgegirl

darkriver said:


> I am out ladies. AF arrived and its been awful since. Cramps are nightmare. Thats me out now until I am fully settled.

Awww so sorry darkriver :( keep your head up !


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## Caite

Sorry darkriver :hugs:


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## fairytales87

Hey Girls:wave:

Just checking in with you all 
Hope your all well? What's everyone's latest updates? Xx


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## Child2Hold

Oooh forgot to update here. I'm out. :growlmad: Onto the next cycle. Donor on board. 

It feels strange. I'm not too upset that it didn't work. Maybe because I have a fully invested donor? Feels weird saying that after my fiascoes. :wacko:


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## Caite

Chil2hold - sorry you're out but yay for the positive attitude!

No change from me at the moment.


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## fairytales87

C2H: I'm sorry your out but that's great news you've found a great donor!!! Lots of baby dust for your next cycle xx

Caite: Hope all is good with you! Did I read you may have permanent hours soon? Nursing or as a midwife? How's ttc prep going are you all ready with your clinic choice etc? Won't be long for you at the rate this months already flying past!!!
How's your mum doing now after her big surgery?x


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## Keebs

*Caite*
Wow, these babies start draining our pockets before they even get here huh. Are there any stats on the success rates of women having IVF without fertility problems? Must be a good chance you'll be pregnant before those 3 cycles are up.

*darkriver*
So sorry :hugs:

*fairytales87* 
Hi :wave: I'm good, already on attempt no 6 :coffee: got to get lucky soon. How are your plans going?

*Child2Hold*
Ah no, so sorry :hugs: Here's to next time :flower:



Well, I wasn't pregnant (no surprise really) and I may be in my next tww already. Positive OPK CD11 and big temp rise today CD14. Managed a donation last night but may have been too late. I'm all for an earlier ovulation but some consistency in my cyles would be very welcome right now. Anyhow hoping this is it or off to the docs I go and will really have to look at forcibly weaning my boobie monster :wacko:

My darling daughter has reacently taken to telling me I have a baby in my tummy (oh the irony):haha: Am hoping this has been sparked by my sisters pregnancy and not by my massive belly :rofl:


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## Caite

Fairytales - there was talk of having some permanent nursing hours (the girl whose hours I was doing is coming back from maternity leave and reducing her hours) - but nothing has been mentioned officially yet, so I'm not sure what is happening. I'm starting to look at the NHS jobs page for jobs. My mum's great, thanks. She had a follow up this week and she's getting there.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to go with the Copenhagen Fertility Centre. Other than the fact that, in Denmark they will treat single women, I think the prices are reasonable, and being in Copenhagen, it is quite easy to get to. They have clinics in other cities, but they're a bit more difficult to get to. I emailed them late last year and they seemed nice. I'm not going to have a phone consultation with them yet (which is the next step) - I'll probably do that in April, I think.

Keebs - those prices are a lot less than they are in the UK. I don't think their stats are split up by women having IVF for fertility issues and those having them for more 'social' issues. But they document a 70% success rate for women under 40 within 3 cycles, which I'm viewing positively.

Aww, Keebs, when it finally happens for you, your daughter sounds like she's going to be so excited! FX you won't have to wait long and that this will be the cycle.


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## dodgegirl

Hi all :hi:

I'm sorry I haven't been too active on here. Been trying to stay on top of the Single Mom's by choice forum, and that takes up a lot of my time. I feel bad I can't keep up with everyone on here. Seems like there are only a few of us active on here on this thread ? 

Anyways I wanted to pop in real quick and give you an update and maybe update my journal so I can get it all out and in writing, I know that helps a lot of us on here. 

Had my appointment with the fertility nurse last week. I have kaiser insurance and they don't refer you out to an RE. At the appointment, she checked what tests I needed to proceed and asked me some questions about what I want and how I came to be there. I have maybe 4 or 5 more tests to update and then I have an appointment with my OBGYN so she can look over all the test results and give me the OK to go ahead with the IUI. This will be done through Kaiser just at a different location than my OBGYN. So once I get the OK I will start narrowing down the choice of my DS. I have a few saved on NW Cryobank but not sure how I'm going to pull the trigger and pick one ! Such a big decision....
So I think my 1st month of IUI will be May. March is my scheduled appointment with my doc and I can't do April because of work issues, so i would like to start in May.

I am supportive of everyone on here and I hope the best for each of you in your journey I just find it hard to keep up I'm sorry :flower::hugs:

Do any of you have FB private group going? Sometimes that is easier for some people ?


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## Caite

Dodgegirl, it can be a bit overwhelming if you miss a couple of weeks or whatever with trying to catch up with everyone. I had a look at cryobank - there is so much choice on there!

I started on the parsley tea again today. Not had a period in a while and thought I'd better kick start one being as it's slow close now. It's not as bad as I remembered it from last year, though I don't think I made it as strong. I've managed 2 cups today, so hoping it has some effect. Might have to take a bag of parsley with me to work in the morning! Ha ha.

I can't sleep at the moment, but got to be up at 6.30, and it's just gone midnight here.


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## fairytales87

Keebs: my plans have very much changed since Dec I'm no longer ttc :cry:

Caite: That's great about your shifts I will keep everything crossed for you!
You seem to have all your plans in place I'm so excited for you to ttc the time will be here before you know it!

Melody & KN where are you girls? I hope your both good?


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## Caite

Fairytales, I'm sorry your plans have changed :hugs:


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## dodgegirl

Yeah I'm sorry also fairy tales...hope you are ok ! We are here for you if you need to talk :) hugs !


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## Caite

Not sure but I think the parsley tea may be working. I had some intermittent abdominal pains (possibly cramps) at work today. Urgh, it's horrible stuff, though to be fair, I think it's more the smell than the taste. I've managed about 500ml of the stuff today and have another mug sitting beside me now - I'm trying to build up the courage to drink it.


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## fairytales87

Thanks girls I'm sure I will be ok with it eventually 

Caite: I'm unsure of parsley tea I will need to go read up! Sounds promising tho!! As much as AF is horrible when she visits hopefully you get her back on track for a smooth ttc journey


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## Keebs

*Fairytales* I'm sorry :hugs: hope this is just a temporay hiatus.

*Caite* Wow, 70% success rate is phenominal :happydance: I had a quick google of UK prices, not many clinics are very forthcomming but yes, from the little I was able to glean it's ridiculously expensive (certainly will never be an option for me if that's what it comes to). Copenhagen is meant to be a lovely city, I definitely think you'll find plenty to do in your spare time there :flower:

*Dodgegirl* It's all starting to happen now :happydance: I remember you from ttc the first time round. So pleased for you hun :hugs:


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## Caite

I thought 70% seemed quite good. And it is definitely a lot cheaper than in the UK. I've had a look at things to do in Copenhagen and there does seem to be quite a lot. Hopefully I'll be able to keep myself occupied there!

There were some HCA bank shifts going at the local NHS fertility clinic. How good would it be if they had some nursing shifts! Definitely going to keep my eye out for it.

Parsley tea is meant to make you get your period, although it doesn't work for everyone. I haven't had any today and no abdo pains/cramps either. I need to get to the supermarket tomorrow and get some more. It's not nice though. It's the smell that's the worst. But if it works, well it'll be worth it.


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## dodgegirl

Keebs said:


> *Fairytales* I'm sorry :hugs: hope this is just a temporay hiatus.
> 
> *Caite* Wow, 70% success rate is phenominal :happydance: I had a quick google of UK prices, not many clinics are very forthcomming but yes, from the little I was able to glean it's ridiculously expensive (certainly will never be an option for me if that's what it comes to). Copenhagen is meant to be a lovely city, I definitely think you'll find plenty to do in your spare time there :flower:
> 
> *Dodgegirl* It's all starting to happen now :happydance: I remember you from ttc the first time round. So pleased for you hun :hugs:

Awww. You remembered me ! I thought your screen name sounded familiar ! :) yeah my emotions are all over the place today with this new plan. Of course AF came today so it's got me all messed up emotionally. Having 2nd thoughts but I've heard it's very normal. ..


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## Keebs

Did the parsley tea do the trick *Caite*? 

I'm 12 DPO and got negative frer today so probably out. :nope:


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## Keebs

Eep, feel like I've been run over by a bus this morning. Got the faintest of lines on an Asda hpt [-o&lt; please let this be my :bfp:


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## Child2Hold

FX *Keebs*!!!! :dust::dust:


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## SpudsMama

Eeeep, I have everything crossed Keebs!! :happydance:


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## dodgegirl

Ohhhh ! Fingers crossed for you !!


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## Rags

Keebs - fingers, legs and toes crossed for you - I'd say go digital, seeing a time line on those is fantastic feeling.


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## Keebs

Thanks ladies, resisting the urge to POAS again today but I have a selection of tests to pick from for tomorrow :haha: Lovely that you dropped by *Emma* :hugs: miss you round here :flower:

Ah Rags I have been saving my cb digi for 6 months now but can't bare the thought of reading 'not pregnant' so hanging off until I get a good dark line on other tests... ridiculous I know :wacko:

All week Cara has been asking if she can climb into my tummy and be a tiny baby again too :shrug: kids are the funniest wee things. 

How's everyone else doing?


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## fairytales87

OMG Keebs!!!!! totally buzzing for you!! Everything crossed for a nice strong bfp xx


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## shahmanish

all the best !!


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## somedayisnow

Keebs, good luck. I have everything crossed for you. :happydance:


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## Keebs

Aw thanks everyone :kiss:

Well I got a lovely dark line on a work test last night (25miu) so brought out the big guns when I got home this morning....

Not Pregnant :sad2:

Will test again on Sat if AF isn't here but not looking too promising at present.


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## Rags

Aw Keebs, NOOOO!! I'm still crossing everything for you, all the best of luck.


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## SpudsMama

Was it with FMU though Keebs?


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## Keebs

I was nightshift so not a proper fmu, but as good as probably Emma. 

Bought more ASDA tests so I can compare like for like in the morning. Still have hope until the :witch: arrives I suppose but feels a little like clutching at straws now :shrug:


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## Keebs

Very faint line this morning, just waiting for af to arrive now :cry:

Was nice whilst it lasted :flower:


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## SpudsMama

Oh no :( I've been there twice now and it isn't a nice feeling at all :nope: Big :hugs: !!!


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## fairytales87

Keebs: massive hugs sweetie xxx


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## Caite

Aww, Keebs :hugs:

Parsley tea hasn't yet worked for me (though I never got round to getting another bag). Going to re-start this week. I'm thinking that something might be about to happen, though - intermittent abdo pains, "toilet symptoms" (TMI - sorry) tender breasts and I've been an emotional wreck today, (and I never normally cry - I can't actually remember when I last cried before today). I've cried/been on the verge of tears at least 4 times today, and I don't really know why - they weren't things that would normally set me off, and one of them was at work (where I would never, ever cry).


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## Rags

So sorry Keebs. Sending you ll the bestfor the next go.


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## dodgegirl

Keebs what's the latest, did AF arrive on her stupid broom ?


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## Oxygen7880

Hello ladies, mind if I join you. I am mummy to a gorgeous little girl, conceived via sperm donation and yep I am (and was single). I found lots of single parent threads but none for those who planned to have a baby alone. Good to see a thread that I fit into.
My dd turned 1 on Boxing Day. I have such a strong desire to have another. I can't believe how strong it feels. It's even stronger than before I had my dd. Maybe it's because I have never known a love so great. I always knew I would love her but WOW....
My issues are that I am not in work at the mo but I am studying and taking courses in order to improve my job prospects when I do return to the working world. I need a job that provides for us since child care costs are so expensive and I hate relying on benefits etc. I want to provide for my own family. The second issue is that i am 36 and am worried that time will run out for me. I also have concerns about raising 2 children on my own. I do have help from my mum at weekends but I don't have much other support.
Forgive me for not reading the whole thread but have any of you ladies got more than one child? How is it caring for more than one?


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## Caite

Hi Oxygen. Welcome to our thread. I can't be of any help to you, I'm afraid, as I'm still WTT.


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## fairytales87

Well girls just an update on me!
After saying I wasn't continuing to try 
I got two lines today!!!! Not strong ones & not with fmu so I will
wait and do a digital with fmu!! Xxx


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## Keebs

:wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo:

Eeeeeeeeeeeek, how exciting fairytales. Huge congratulations! :hugs::happydance::yipee:

About time a :baby: came along in here! Can't wait for the bfp pics :flower:


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## Keebs

Hi oxygen :hi:

I'm ttc no 2 also and want it so much more this time... I think it's hormone related, that and I want it for my dd as well as for me now. 

lol, you are still a spring chicken at 36. That was when I concieved 1st time round, I honestly don't believe fertility plummets quite as rapidly as they make out. Abortion rates for ladies in their 40's outstrips those in their teens, plus, before birth control became the norm the ave age ladies concieved their last child was around 42. You have time for a whole brood of kiddies yet :haha:

Welcome, excited to share your journey with you. Hope it's a short one :flower:


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## dodgegirl

fairytales87 said:


> Well girls just an update on me!
> After saying I wasn't continuing to try
> I got two lines today!!!! Not strong ones & not with fmu so I will
> wait and do a digital with fmu!! Xxx

This post made me smile today earlier when I read it ! Just now got a chance to reply. So awesome girl ! Excited for you !! :happydance::happydance::happydance:


and *Oxygen,* welcome !!! yes there are more of us than you may think ! check out www.singlemothersbychoice.org I have connected with many others on there too ! good luck to you girl..


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## Rags

Oh Fairytails, so excited, how amazing. X


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## SpudsMama

Eeeep, good luck fairytales! :)


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies! Oh how I've missed you! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I've been away for so bloody long. I think the the toll that ttc was taking on me wasnt finished when I last posted. Just needed a bit more time out. I havent been blogging either. 

Still been trying since i last posted, last cycle was a no no and this cycle im ready to go right now! like nooow! But my donor isnt available this weekend :cry: (How cute would it have been to concieve on Valentines day lol). Oh well. At least Im actually ovulating! But wht I've really been focusing on is getting ready for IVF! I couldnt bare sifting throgh all the sites abroad or in other cities. Dont know how you do it *Caite* :kiss: I have decided to go with the Oxford Fertility Clinc, and I have my consultation on the 6th of March :happydance: 

*Two quick shout outs lol*

*Fairytales* OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I actually nearly screamed when i read your last post :yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee:

*Keebs* I really really really hope that those lines get darker. I couldnt see that af had arrived on your chart so i am seriously praying for you hun. Got everything crossed :kiss: [-o&lt;[-o&lt;[-o&lt;[-o&lt;

Anyway I wont write too much. I've missed a lot and would be here for days lol. But I just wanted to say that you have all genuinly been in my thoughts almost every day. You women are some of the strongest I know, and you keep me sane. I hope you have all been ok. Hope ttc hasnt stressed you out too much. Welcome to the newbies. You'll love it here :hugs:

Lots and lots of babydust :dust:


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## InVivoVeritas

Hi there everyone -- and Melody I still seem to be on the same schedule as you!!

I've had a few months of emotional recovery and I'm ready to jump back on the wagon from this cycle. Donation scheduled for Thursday 19th, which should be 2 days pre-O. Not as good timing as I'd like, but better than nothing.

How has everybody been while I had my head under a rock?

Fairytales, that's fantastic news!!! Any updates on that BFP?

Oxygen, welcome. I have three children (youngest via sperm donor, older two from a previous relationship), and I'm insane enough to be trying for one more to add to the menagerie. My girls are 16 and 13, andwith them getting ready for college and leaving the nest, I wasn't ready to give up on the role of Mam just yet. It can be difficult juggling work, and good childcare's a must, but it adding one more to the mix hasn't made life particularly harder. It's so worth it when I hear huge gales of laughter coming from the next room, or when LittleMan's tired and crawls onto his sister's knee for a cuddle.


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## melodyy_mtb

*InVivoVeritas* Hey hunnie. Hehe we do seem to be on the same schedule. :haha: As you can see i was hiding under a rock too. Aww so you've got your donation today! I hope it goes well. I know it is 2 days before o but remember that sperm can survive for up to 7 days, and a lot of women convie when they inseminate days before ovulation.

Good luck hun :thumbup:


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## Keebs

Welcome back *Melody* and *Invivo* :flower: :hugs: Totally understand the need for some time out.

Hope the insemination went to plan yesterday Invivo, I'm sure I saw stats that implied 2 days before O was more likely to result in a pregnancy than any other timing. Of course stats are so easily manipulated who really knows. Everything crossed for you hun :dust:

Can't believe your apt is so soon Melody, where the heck has all the time gone :shrug: Bummer about missing out this cycle, but hopefully not long now until you are cradling your wee one in your arms :dust:


As for me, alas AF arrived 3 days after positive test. Wasn't in a great place for a while but back on the crazy train again and currently 9 dpo. Feeling quite zen about it all at the mo (hope that lasts :haha:), no urge to test at all (which is very new for me). Absolutely no interest in going through the pain of a chemical again so maybe that's why. 

Saw my GP who basically told me I need to try for a year... (not sure he realised I was 40, as he did a double take on his screen when I mentioned it). Agreed to do day 21 bloods but not day 3 :shrug:. It's a start I suppose.

Have started listening to a ttc hynosis CD, keep falling asleep so no idea if it's working, and tentatively exploring the option of IVF with donor eggs. Pretty surprised by my reaction to the thought of donor eggs, so many moral dilemas,fingers crossed it doesn't come to that.


Hope everyone is well :flower:


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## Keebs

12 DPO and negative test :cry: was so much happier in my bubble of ignorance :dohh:


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## melodyy_mtb

Keeeeeebs :kiss: I'm so sorry you got a negative, but i'm still holding out hope :hugs::hugs:

I know. I cant believe my app is next week! I'm shitting bricks lol. This isn't how i imagined my ttc journey would go at all. A year and a half down the line, and nothing to show for it. But i know it takes some women so much longer, and I'm so grateful (thanks mum :haha:) that i have the funds to go private. Im not even bothered about missing a cycle, cause i just know ivf is going to work! 

I hope you're doing ok hun. I have everything still crossed for you<3


----------



## InVivoVeritas

*Melody*, what day next week is your appointment? I want to send you all sorts of good thoughts. I'm really excited for you -- make sure to let us know how it goes.

*Keebs*, so sorry about the chemical -- they're soul-destroying. Keep the faith, and if donor eggs is what it takes then so be it. There's so much more to being a parent than shared genes.

Me, I think the witch is due mid-next week, but I had no positive OPK this month so I'm assumind the cycle's a bust. I haven't even been symptom spotting, which is something very new for me. I know anovulatiory cycles aren't unusual at my age, but with so few chances left I'm frustrated to lose one more.


----------



## LunaBean

Hey, can I join? Im single, gay though, and used a donor for my 3 year old (after 2.5 years and 6 mc), two mc after him now Im 9dpo using the same donor and had a fainttt bfp today, but may be a chemical knowing my luck, damn testing early!!


----------



## Rags

LunaBean said:


> Hey, can I join? Im single, gay though, and used a donor for my 3 year old (after 2.5 years and 6 mc), two mc after him now Im 9dpo using the same donor and had a fainttt bfp today, but may be a chemical knowing my luck, damn testing early!!

Welcome LunaBean, and I hope congratulations too. I'll look forward to hearing about you darkening BFP line and how it all goes with your growing family.


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## LunaBean

Thanks! Darker tests today and positive at doctors :)


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## Keebs

Congratulations *LunaBean *:happydance: here's to a happy and healthy nine months :flower:

When do you think you'll tell your son the exciting news?


Just a few days now *Melody*, what happens at your consultation? Can't wait to hear how it goes :flower: I really think this is turning into a lucky thread at last :happydance:


Awww, I hope you are wrong *Invivo* and there is a stealth baby implanting and growing strong right now. Maybe thinking you haven't ovulated (when you have) is the single ladies version of 'relax and forget about it'. Keeping everything crossed for you :dust:


As for me, well I'm on cycle no.8 now. This is pants.


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## melodyy_mtb

*InVivoVeritas* Aww thanks hun, It's on Friday! :happydance: I hope you did o this month, and maybe it was just missed by the opks. Don't worry about annovulatory cycles though. Most of mine were anovulatory until I started on the soy etc, and I just turned 30. I dont think it's an age thin.g Sometimes it can just be due to stress. But yeah, i have everything crossed for you :hugs:

*LunaBean* Welcome! So nice to have you here. Im so sorry to hear about your mcs, but you have such a positive attitude about everything. I really really hope that this bean sticks. Lots and lots of sticky baby dust for you :dust:

*Keebs* Eeeek i know, only two more days until i start another emotional but hopefully rewarding journey. :happydance: 

Awww hun i know how you feel, seeing the cycles rack up... it can just get so depressing. If someone would have told me that a year and a half down the line i;d still be ttc, i'd have laughed in their face lol. But i think you're righ,t our luck must be changing. We will get our BFPs ASAP!!! :hugs::hugs:

*AFM* My consultation is on Friday and I am shitting bricks!!! I'm so nervous. This is really happening. And as im going private, i know i wont be waiting around for long. I could potentially be in the begging stages of IVF by next month! :shock:

I'm scared ladies. This is my last option (biologically). You hear so many upsetting stories of women going through 5/10 rounds of ivf and it never working. I really hope this works. x


----------



## InVivoVeritas

*LunaBean*, congratulations! Enjoy every minute of the next nine months and keep us posted on how it all goes with you.

*Melody*, I'll be sending you all my good thoughts tomorrow. I know several women who had IVF work on the first try after years of TTC with nothing. I'm so excited for you --make sure to come back tomorrow and update, we'll be waiting to hear.

*Keebs*, you're right; it is pants, especially when last time went so smoothly for you. All we can do is keep plugging away and try not to let the process flatten us emotionally.

Me, AF came a day early which means that my insemination was a day late and I missed O by not starting OPKs early enough.

Anybody else have irregular cycles? I can ovulate anywhere between cd12 and cd19, which is destroying my attempts to figure out when to inseminate. With my work commitments and my donor's (not to mention the fact that he's 100 miles away), I need to schedule insemination in advance. Out of 5 tries this time I've completely missed O on 3 of them (one 5 days early, two a day late). And at my age I don't have that many chances to waste!

This cycle the plan is to schedule two tries, first on cd12 and then, if I haven't O yet, on cd16. I can't keep double tries up for long, though -- I don't have that many holidays to take from work and my TTC hotel/travel budget is close to wiped out.

Okay, whinge over. Maybe this will be month.


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## Keebs

Good luck today *Melody* excited to hear how it goes.

*Invivo *my cycles are all over the place too. Two donations is a great idea, I'm biased though because this is my plan too :haha: Fingers crossed for us both :flower::flower:


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## dodgegirl

Congrats Luna!!!!!!! So exciting !!
Hi to everyone else :)


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## dodgegirl

Sorry ladies I don't get much time to get on the actual computer instead of my phone on this forum, so just now getting on here...

I think I will just try and update on this thread only instead of trying to keep up with others, because this one applies to me the most !

*Melodyy*, how did your appt go on friday? 

*InVivoVeritas* yes, my cycles can be anywhere from 26-29 days. This week is crutial to when I start my period, which could be anywhere from this thursday to next tuesday. 

*keebs*, what does your saying mean "this is pants" LOL i'm not quite sure what that means ! haha. Also, how do you like the TTC hypnosis CD so far ? That's great, I've never heard of one. I think I remember you from the last time I was active on here a couple years ago, and if I read your post right, you are TTC #2 ? 

Sorry if I missed anyone, trying to play catch up. I will try and be better on what's going on with everyone !! 

*AFM* I bought my vials last week !! Wow what a huge step ! This feels so real now. I bought 4 vials, as European Sperm Bank was having a special on their donor of the month, buy 2 get 2 free, and I liked him ! I hope I will have enough for #2 but we'll see.

Well I am on CD22. AF may come between CD26-29 as I mentioned above. I have a feeling it will come closer to CD26 as my mood swings are awful, especially today, I had a huge breakdown and sobbed. For no stupid reason. UGH..... but I think this is the first time I am looking forward to AF coming, and know it will be the last time I look forward to her awful face. The reason I'm looking forward to it as this month I am doing my first IUI ! Wow so crazy. This tuesday the 10th I have my appointment with the fertility nurse to get the consent forms signed and she will go over everything with me to insure I get the timing down. But I feel I am prepared as I have been testing the last 2 months. I'm not using an actual RE's office, it's just my OBGYN giving me the ok to proceed and then working with the fertility nurse. Timing the IUI is ALL upto me. Very stressful, yes but I am confident I know my body and I won't miss it. I would have loved for the timing to work out for a March 17th insemination for St. Patrick's Day since I am from Ireland originally, but I'm just happy I'm finally starting this journey again ! :happydance:

Ok sorry for the ramble ! :dohh: I hope everyone is well and can't wait to read everyone's updates on how they are doing.... hugs ! :hugs:


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## InVivoVeritas

*Melody*, how did the appointment go? Hope you've got all sorts of exciting good news for us.

*Keebs*, hope this plan works for both of us! Are you inseminating this week? My first try is next Sunday.

*DodgeGirl*, welcome back! Your first proper TTC month; you must be so excited. Will the fertility nurse do the actual inseminating for you? Hopefully you'll be able to save those extra vials for next time. Keep us posted!!

Me, I'm CD7 and getting ready to start OPKs on Thursday. The earliest I've ovulated is CD12, but I'm ready for it this cycle.

Good, fertile thoughts to all of us this month.


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## Keebs

Hey *DodgeGirl* you must be super excited to be starting at last, I hope your appointment went well. How much leeway do you have with IUI timings?

'It's pants' just means it's bloody awful :flower:

Not sure about the ttc hypnosis, I keep falling asleep :haha: but I defo need something to help with the stress. Looking at maybe going for some reflexology to help with this too.

Goog luck for Sunday *Invivo*, inseminating on mothers day has to bring extra luck surely :flower: Everything crossed for you :dust:

I had a donation on Saturday and another today but not hopeful. Temps stayed high for a long time after AF and OPKs are all over the place. Clearly my hormones are a mess, had to force myself to go for todays donation, I honestly could see it all far enough right now.


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## fairytales87

Hi girls
Sorry it's taken so long to update but I just couldn't face making this post
My little popett didn't make it however my miscarriage has not been handled properly & I was basically treated horribly and left to get on with it all I'm shattered both physically & emotionally at the moment:cry:

I hope everyone is doing well I will try to keep up with you all best I can
Love hugs & baby dust xx


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## Keebs

Oh *fairytales* I am so very sorry :hugs::cry::hugs: 

No one should have to face such a traumatic loss without compassion and support. I hope you are able to take the time you need to heal <3:flow:<3


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## dodgegirl

*fairytales* I am so very sorry....

*keebs* I don't have much leeway at all....it is all upto me to time it right. Once I get my smiley on my OPK, I call in and schedule my IUI for the very next morning. A lot of pressure yes but my cycle is pretty regular and the last 2 months I've been able to get a positive OPK. 

"it's pants"=Bloody awful. Funny ! I sometimes forget that most girls on here are from the UK. So much lingo is different than here in the US !! Are you about 2DPO now ? I am not looking forward to my 2ww at ALL!!!! :wacko:

*InVivoVeritas* you asked if my fertility nurse will do the insem, no another doctor will do it at a different clinic, that's where they do all the insems. 

*melody* still waiting to hear about your appointment.... :) 


Hope everyone else is doing well! 

*AFM* I am waiting for AF to arrive so I can count down the days to my 1st IUI....


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## InVivoVeritas

*fairytales*, I'm so sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself and give yourself the time you need to heal.

*Keebs*, you're not out until the witch turns up, and with two inseminations you're bound to have a decent chance. It's soul-destroying, though -- especially with the pressure of knowing that our time is running out. Hang in there.

*dodge*, are you into your cycle yet? Exciting times!

Me, I am noping for extra universe brownie points for inseminating on Mother's Day. OPK says I won't ovulate before Sunday, so I'm really hoping that this month I'll be where I should be timing-wise at least.


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## dodgegirl

When is mothers day over there? Ours is in May! Yes I'm pretty happy today is CD1! !! Whoohoo let the countdown begin !!


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone! :hugs:

Sorry for responding so late. Work has been crazy, and then I got the flu. So I've just been in bed for the past several days :cry:

My consultation went extremely well! The place is so swanky. It looks more like a spa than a fertility clinic. There was an unnecessary waterfall everywhere i turned :haha:

The consultant was lovely. Really positive, caring and understanding. Nothing like that man i saw at my local hospital. She thoroughly explained all of my options, and listened to what I had to say. She strongly suggested i go with iui, but it just isn't for me, so we settled on IVF. 

I also decided to go with a donor from the clinic. It just makes things less stressful, and safer. My donor has work and a child of his own, and is only available early mornings during the week. Because im using a donor, i have to have a counselling session, which is next week. Then I'll have my nurse consultation where i get paired up with a donor. After that treatment starts! I might have to delay treatment till the end of June though, as i will be on holiday for most of that month, and the whole process takes just over 2 months. 

Anyway that's where I'm at! Very excited. :happydance:

*invivoveritas* Like many of the other ladies here, i also have irregular cycles. The longest was 60 days, andthe shortest was 11 :wacko: So you're not alone. I have sooooo much faith for this cycle. It has to be a good sign that you inseminated on mothers day. Lots of baby dust for you :dust:

*Keebs* I know how you feel. Sometimes it's like whats the point of getting the donation today. But every month is a chance to see those two magnificent lines. I have everything crossed for you hun :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

*dodgegirl* I'm so excited for you! it's all happening so fast. I was going to use the Euro sperm bank. Didnt know they had an offer on :D. Good luck with your iui. I'll be sending lots and lots of baby vibes your way. I hope it's a St Paddy's day insemination too hehe :happydance: 

*fairytales87* My god, I am so utterly devastated for you. I'm sorry you had to go through such an ordeal, that was made worse by the lack of support you received. It sounds horrendous. You are so strong. Thank you so much for allowing us to share in this journey with you. We are all here for you. <3


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## InVivoVeritas

*Melody*, that's fantastic news! I was worried based on your rubbish consultation with the local guy. Sounds like this place is much more professional. Roll on June -- it will be here before you know it!!!

Are you planning to continue with your donor between now and then or save all your energy for the big guns?

*Keebs*, I know exactly how you feel. My donor was five minutes late today, and it was almost a relief to think that I'd have to scrap this cycle through no fault of my own. Hang in there.

*Dodge*, a big woohoo for cd1!! Today is Mother's Day here, so that's a really good omen for your try this cycle.

Me, I had a great day where my kids spoiled me rotten, inseminated as planned, and had a positive, smiley OPK to make the day perfect. For once my timing's exactly right this cycle.


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## Keebs

*DodgeGirl* Woohoo for a new cycle, bet it goes pretty quick from here :flower: Everything crossed for you :dust:


*Melody* Great to hear it went so well, this is when it matters really. Hope you are on the mend from the flu now :flower: Strange they were so keen for iui when statistically it is meant to be no better than well timed sex (donation in your case), think you made the right choice.

Here's to your up comming BFP and a super cute snuggly baby next March(ish) :dust::dust::dust:

*Invivo* Perfect timing :happydance: glad you didn't have to abandon the cycle and no need for a 2nd donation :wohoo: Everything crossed for you too here's some :dust: and some more :dust: and well, maybe just a touch more for luck :dust:


I ended up getting a 3rd donation yesterday after positive opk Friday and Sat :wacko: this cycle has pushed me to my limits. TMI alert

Spoiler
My cervix has been open for a week, I mean wide, gaping open since last Sat. Usually only like that 36 hours at most :growlmad: No idea why but hard to put a positive spin on it. Finally closed today with nice temp rise so hopefully in tww at last :flower:

My sis has passed on her unused opk's, soft cups and a new tube of concieve plus. Hope it's one of those lucky passes where I never need to use them because I'm already knocked up :haha:

Cara is obsessed with babies still, keeps telling me I have a baby boy in my tummy, or sometimes a baby chicken :rofl: she reckons she has a tiny baby in her tummy too so I'm not too impressed with her prophetic powers sadly :haha: She is getting quite irate at my failure to provide a brother or sister to date.. how to explain the complexities of it all to a 2 year old escapes me I confess :wacko::haha:


edited to add: Just wanted to qualify that my dd has no idea I'm actually ttc at the mo.


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## melodyy_mtb

*InVivoVeritas* Aww thanks hun. No it was quite the opposite experience to dealing with that guy :growlmad: I've decided to just wait until my treatment now. I know I could probably fit a few more tries in, but after 14 cycles ttc I am beat! I just want to rest my mind and body until the next leg of my journey. Plus it's really starting to get to me that my donor is usually only available weekday mornings, and it's too stressful to try to find another one at such short notice. 

It sounds like you had THE perfect mother's day! :happydance: Aww and a + opk to top it off. I really think this is a good sign hun. Cant wait to hopefully have some good news in 2 weeks :hugs:

*Keebs* Yeah i know. I guess iui does work for a lot of women, i just personally didn't feel it was the right option for me. My ovaries aren't easily tamed. 

That's crazy about your cervix. Our reproductive organs love to mess with us though. I once got + opks for 7 days! However, with the temp rise today and your closed cv, it sounds like you inseminated at the right time! :happydance: You and Vivo are tww buddies. This month feels magical :dust:


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## InVivoVeritas

*Keebs*, that's brilliant news! I'm so glad that your OPKs finally lined up so that you could get a good insemination. Because our other two were born at the same time I can't help feeling that we're both going to get our BFPs the same cycle this time too.

*Melody*, a rest before you ramp up into IVF sounds like a brilliant idea, especially with your trip coming up. You can lie back and relax without the feeling that you're letting good cycles slip away.

I think you're right -- March is going to be a very good month.


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## darkriver

Hi ladies. Still not pregnant. I will be having an insemination in may.


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## Cinderella

Room for a little one?

I've been lurking for a (long) while and trying to decide if I had the guts to try to become pregnant as a single person and as the planets have aligned it seems like it really is the right thing for me, so here I am.

A little bit of info, was ttc with my ex for about 2 years with absolutely no luck. We never got tested to see if there were fertility problems, and I still don't know if there are any. I'm now 30, single and mid way through a law degree. I'm on cerazette for painful periods and thus haven't had a period for almost a year. I intend on making the jump and stopping taking the pill tomorrow and starting on prenatal vitamins. 

I'm really just at the beginning stages of this whole thing, I don't know how soon my periods will come back so have no clue when I'll get to inseminate.

I'm also stuck on how to choose a donor, I've been looking at the usual clinics (Cryos, European sperm bank, Xytex etc.) and am leaning towards Birmingham Women's Fertility Centre as obviously it's much closer to home and the cost for a donor sample is only about £100 more than getting some sperm shipped in. But then obviously it's tempting to try and find a local donor who won't cost me a penny, that way there's more money for baby things (fingers crossed i'll need them.) As for known donors, I work in a male dominated environment, there's men everywhere and I can think of a few who would be willing to donate, I just can't convince myself it would be a good idea to approach any of them to help me become pregnant. This is so hard! 

Anyway, sorry for the long introduction, I apologise for the tendency to ramble on! I'm really excited about getting started on this baby making journey!


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## InVivoVeritas

Welcome back, *Darkriver*. Good to hear that you're breaking out the big guns -- really hope it does the trick for you. Keep us posted!

*Cinderella*, good to have you here. Exciting times for you; you have all your choices yet to make. If I'd planned to go through a clinic I would have gone with a clinic's donor, but as I chose at-home insemination I found a donor on a donor registry website. The first guy I tried wasn't good and really messed me about, but the second one was exactly what he said he was and I've got my gorgeous LittleMan to show for it.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.


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## Cinderella

*InVivoVeritas/B] Thanks for the welcome!

That post seems to have kicked me up the bum, it seems real now that I've admitted that it's what I want.

So, I've joined a donor matching website. Have already found 3 profiles that are really promising. I haven't contacted anyone yet but it's early days. They're close in proximity and willing to do several donations per cycle so that's some food for thought. I'm also not as scared as I thought I would be about approaching strangers for something so intimate! lol 

Anyway, I'm now researching how I want to inseminate; pre seed, ovulation sticks, temp charts, soft cups etc. etc.... there's so much to consider!*


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## InVivoVeritas

*Cinderella*, exciting times! It's amazing how quickly everything lines up when you finally make up your mind to go for it. Best of luck, and keep us posted.

*Dodge*, how are you? Your insemination must be very soon; do you have a date?


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## Keebs

Just nipping in to say I got a :bfp: today ladies :happydance:

Wasn't going to test, but I did.

Wasn't going to say anything for fear of another chemical but what the hell. For now I am pregnant and I plan to celebrate every moment of it.

Can't wait for you to join me tomorrow *Invivo*, I too think we are fated to be pregnant together again :dust:


Welcome *Cinderella* I see you are making great strides. Have you chosen your donor yet? It can be a bit of a soul destroying experience at times, but there are great donors out there. 

I use preseed and softcups, but many ladies have success with other methods. It's all about what works best for you :flower:


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## SpudsMama

Congratulations Keebs!! :happydance:


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## InVivoVeritas

*Keebs*, that's absolutely fantastic news -- I'm so happy for you!!

You're right to celebrate absolutely every second of your pregnancy. If I'm lucky enough I'll do exactly the same thing.

WooooHoooo!!!!


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## Keebs

Thanks ladies, still got a 2nd line today :happydance:

Line lighter than yesterday :wacko: but trying not to read anything into it. Time to make like an ostritch I think :haha:

Still here's some line porn whilst I can 



Fingers crossed for you today Invivo :dust: :dust: :dust:


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## Rags

Keebs, congrats. I've everything crossed for you. X


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## dodgegirl

Keebs! !!!! Wow so awesome girl! !!!! Yay!!!!! Omg how exciting ! 

AFM, I'm still waiting to ovulate. Really thought it was going to be this am but no. If it's not tomorrow I am screwed because I already picked up my vial and my cryotank is only good until Tuesday since I picked it up last Tuesday..... so I'm a bit stressed out. Gonna test again tonight around 6pm. This am I tested at 8 am & 1130am.


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## Keebs

Good luck *Dodgegirl* hope you get your positive OPK tonight :flower:


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## InVivoVeritas

Aaand a :bfp: here too! I'm so excited -- I'm going to enjoy absolutely every second of this pregnancy no matter how long or short a time that might be.

Keebs, are we aiming to deliver a day apart this time too? :happydance:

Dodge, any sign of that O yet? Fingers crossed you're on track for tomorrow.


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## Keebs

Yay!!! A day apart it is Invivo :haha:, and one of each gender too you think?

Sooo happy, a huge congratulations :happydance:


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## InVivoVeritas

Can do on one of each gender -- seeing as you deliver first I'll let you pick first too. Let me know once you've decided ;)


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## dodgegirl

Wow another bfp!!??? Congrats! !!!! 

Yes I finally surged this am so I will have my iui tomorrow am !! Yay. I was getting worried. But it came just in time!


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## InVivoVeritas

Excellent news, dodge. Fingers crossed for tomorrow; hope this will be your month.


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## Rags

Invivo - brilliant, so pleased for you. This looks like a good thread to be keeping an eye on just now.

Lots of baby dust to all you other ladies trying or waiting to try at the moment.


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## Keebs

Hope the insemination went well *Dodge*, fingers crossed :dust:

Are you a 'wait till you're late' or a 'POAS if you can' kind of girl?


As for me, well passed the point of my chemical and feeling quite chilled about it all.


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## Cinderella

Huge Congrats *Keebs* and *InVivo*! What amazing news, wishing you both lots of baby dust and a happy and healthy 9 months!

*AFM*, I'm getting cold feet about using the known donor or finding a donor online so have found a donor through Cryos. I love his profile, he seems so lovely. He has plenty of vials stored and a track record of pregnancy so I'm feeling hopeful. I can only afford about £300 a month which is about 3 x 5mil 0.5m vials or 1 10mil 0.5mil vial... I can't figure out which one is best, more of the goods but with less swimmers, or less of the goods and more swimmers?? With the first option, I could realistically have 3 chances of inseminating, and the second option, just once. I don't know how to figure all of this stuff out. Besides all of that, I've only been off bcp for about 10days and my period is no where to be seen. I've started taking B vits and EPO 1000mg to help my hormones, my periods used to be really bad and EPO really helped so we'll see. Waiting... waiting... (I'm really impatient).


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## Rags

Cinderella said:


> Huge Congrats *Keebs* and *InVivo*! What amazing news, wishing you both lots of baby dust and a happy and healthy 9 months!
> 
> *AFM*, I'm getting cold feet about using the known donor or finding a donor online so have found a donor through Cryos. I love his profile, he seems so lovely. He has plenty of vials stored and a track record of pregnancy so I'm feeling hopeful. I can only afford about £300 a month which is about 3 x 5mil 0.5m vials or 1 10mil 0.5mil vial... I can't figure out which one is best, more of the goods but with less swimmers, or less of the goods and more swimmers?? With the first option, I could realistically have 3 chances of inseminating, and the second option, just once. I don't know how to figure all of this stuff out. Besides all of that, I've only been off bcp for about 10days and my period is no where to be seen. I've started taking B vits and EPO 1000mg to help my hormones, my periods used to be really bad and EPO really helped so we'll see. Waiting... waiting... (I'm really impatient).

Hello Cinderella. That's a big decision made already, you have chosen the method that you are most comfortable with, and it's really important that you are happy with how you go about this (I wasn't with the initial way I tried). So, things to think about with the 3 or 1 insemination a month. I'm sure you will have gone into this loads already but the way I would probably be thinking is;
1 larger vial gives more swimmers but you need to be pretty certain about your ovulation day/time
3 smaller vials will mean fewer swimmer per vial but more over a 3 day insemination cycle and will mean that you are less likely to miss the target day/time

It only takes 1 to make it through!

It's a very personal choice but I think that if it were me and I wasn't doing IUI with it then I would go for the 3 over 3 days option.

Good luck and I look forward to hearing which way you go.


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## dodgegirl

Keebs said:


> Hope the insemination went well *Dodge*, fingers crossed :dust:
> 
> Are you a 'wait till you're late' or a 'POAS if you can' kind of girl?
> 
> 
> As for me, well passed the point of my chemical and feeling quite chilled about it all.

oh I will be POAS as soon as I can, haven't decided which dpo yet, maybe 12? Maybe 10?


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## InVivoVeritas

Rags, good to hear from you!

Dodge, sending you all sorts of positive thoughts for this month. Keep us posted!!

Cinderella, you're smart to do all your thinking while you're still waiting for AF to come back. Once she does you'll be ready to push that button. I agree with Rags that 3 vials meaning 3 tries would cover more angles than just one larger vial, especially if you plan on using IUI instead of at-home insemination. Keep us posted on what you decide.

For me the days are passing much too slowly. Hanging in there, though.


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## melodyy_mtb

OMG what amazing news I woke up to this morning!!!!! *Keebs* AND *Vivo* both getting your :bfp::bfp:!!!!! :yipee::yipee::yipee: I knew March was going to be a special month, I just knew it! Words cannot express how happy I am for you two ladies. Seriously. I prayed so hard for you both. I'm over the moon. Here's a to a happy and healthy 9 months :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

*Cinderella* Welcome :hugs: You couldnt have found a nice group of women, who are all so supportive. I see you have been researching like a maniac. I know that feeling well. Rags is right though, at the end of the day, you need to be 100% happy and comfortable with how you choose to ttc. I actually started off doing at home inseminations with a known donor i found on a site. I met my fair share of odd balls before I found a remarkable guy. However, due to some of my own fertility problems, I am now moving onto IVF and have decided to use a clinic donor. Never thought i would, but it just feels right. Good luck! I look forward to following your journey :hugs:

*Dodgegirl* I'm so happy you surged in time. That was cutting it fine! I think if you get your bfp this time round, you're set to have a litttle diva on your hands. :haha: I have everything crossed for you hun. Lots and lots of babydust whilst you're in the tww. :dust:

*AFM* I had my counseling session at the clinic. It went really well. The lady was lovely. I was a bit nervous. I kept panicking about her being the only thing that could stand between me and my baby. As if i was going to accidentally say something insane, and she would just stamp a big fat 'rejected' on my forms haha. But no, it went swimmingly :spermy: lol. She was quite the feminist, which definitely helped. She totally supported my decision to start a family on my own. We basically talked about everything that had gotten me up to this point, and then she explained what will happen next. She also gave me some book suggestions, and alternative parenting groups to join.

So now that that's all over, the next thing will be my nurse's appointment. I had to wait a week after seeing the counselor before I could even book it. Apparently, legally they have to give you 7 days to seriously think about your decision lol. Luckily I have a lot of tww's under my belt, so a 1ww was piss easy :haha:. I'm booked in for the 22nd of April. At the nurse's app i will have a bit of a check up, sign some legal documents, and pick my donor. Then that's me done until I get back from Dominica, then it's baby making time! :happydance:

I hope all the rest of you lovely ladies are doing well.*spuds mama, rags, KN, darkriver*, thinking of you all. :hug:


----------



## K.N

Naw haven't quite caught up on everything after my long break - but a huge congrats to you invivo & keebs!! A day apart even! Woohoo! Wonder who'll go first - and what gender the two bubs are going to be! :) Am praying for super sticky beans and a wonderful & 9 months :D


----------



## Rags

melodyy_mtb said:


> *AFM* I had my counseling session at the clinic. It went really well. The lady was lovely. I was a bit nervous. I kept panicking about her being the only thing that could stand between me and my baby. As if i was going to accidentally say something insane, and she would just stamp a big fat 'rejected' on my forms haha. But no, it went swimmingly :spermy: lol. She was quite the feminist, which definitely helped. She totally supported my decision to start a family on my own. We basically talked about everything that had gotten me up to this point, and then she explained what will happen next. She also gave me some book suggestions, and alternative parenting groups to join.
> 
> So now that that's all over, the next thing will be my nurse's appointment. I had to wait a week after seeing the counselor before I could even book it. Apparently, legally they have to give you 7 days to seriously think about your decision lol. Luckily I have a lot of tww's under my belt, so a 1ww was piss easy :haha:. I'm booked in for the 22nd of April. At the nurse's app i will have a bit of a check up, sign some legal documents, and pick my donor. Then that's me done until I get back from Dominica, then it's baby making time! :happydance:

I'm glad your session with the councilor went well Melodayy. I know exactly how you feel though about spending most of the time worrying that I would say something that might make her say that I wouldn't get treatment - I so wish I'd realised that this wan't what it was about before I went in as I feel I wasted the session a bit at the time. It wasn't until the end of the session when I relaxed enough to realise that it was an opportunity for me to talk to her openly about some of my fears. I was told at the end of the session that I was welcome to come back to her at any point during the process, in the end I didn't (as I had my mum to talk to if I needed an ear) but it was lovely to know that the door was open if I wanted. 
The 22nd of April is so close, I'm very excited for you. In the end I didn't have any say in which donor I had, the clinic choose based on compatibility. Good luck, I'll be watching your story with bated breath.


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## InVivoVeritas

*Melody*, great to hear that everything's going so well for you! I'm not surprised that you were defensive in your counselling session, but it's great that you came out of it feeling supported and with some avenues to go forward with. Not long now!!!

*Rags*, I think it's a great thing to have somebody to talk through the pros and reservations about going it alone. I could have done with that before I made the decision to have LittleMan -- I probably would have decided on him sooner!!

*KN*, welcome back :)


----------



## Mom2Madison

Hi everyone! I'm a single mother by choice. I have a 15 month old who's fantastic :) I'm also pregnant --- almost 8 weeks. Yay! Always looking for support groups/buddies single mothers. Best of luck !!


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## fairytales87

Keebs & In vivo: massive congratulations I'm so happy for you both
such amazing news!!!!!!
I hope you are both keeping well x

Melody:How amazing you are starting treatment soon 
Your clinic sounds great & very much like the one I chose
I can't wait to follow your journey

Mom2Madison: Welcome :flower: this thread is full of amazing ladies who 
will be a great support I look forward to following & sharing your journey with you

Update from me: I still very much feel mentally & emotionally broken
after the loss of my little angel however my cycles and back but not regular and I'm just now working on getting myself back together and saving for more treatment


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## K.N

How's everything going guys??

Welcome mom2madison :) - invivo & keebs just got their bfp's too - so arent far behind! Congrats on yours, and welcome :) xx

Fairytales - Aw hugs, its only normal to feel the way you do hun, definitely a traumatic experience; just know we're all here for you xxx


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone! Got a bit of exciting news. My first IVF cycle has been moved up to... well... I started on Wednesday! :haha: I went for my nurse's appointment. She asked how i was, and I said "just got my period so im in a bit of pain". She then went "well do you want to start today?" :headspin:

Apparently because of my pcos, I have to do a 'short protocol' ivf cycle, which can only be done when your natural cycle begins. And because my periods are often 60 days apart, it was either start right then, or wait God knows how long. So yeah, i started a process called 'stimming', where I inject myself in the morning and evening. I have a scan on Monday to see how my follicles are doing, then scans every few days until egg collection. My nurse thinks this will most probably happen as early as the 4th of May! I was worried about my holiday, but if all goes to plan, I'll be about 8 weeks gone when i fly out lol. I'm still in shock, and getting my head around all the meds, but so far, so good. 

*Rags* I was a bit like that in mine. The sessions really are just to make sure you are ok, and that you don't have any concerns. I was on edge until the end of mine too, and i realised, she was just there to ensure that i was ok. I only had 3 donors to choose from in the end, one of which only had one slot left. I'm kind of glad though, because i think having too many options would make my head spin. Thanks so much for your encouragement. I'll be sure to keep you posted. :hugs: 

*InVivoVeritas* Yeah i was really lucky. The counsellor was really supportive and understanding. I hope you're ok hun. Thinking of you <3

*Mom2Madison* Welcome! Aww a little one and another on the way. It's nice to see that it can be done on your own. So that makes 3 pregnant ladies in our little group. I hope you enjoy yourself here <3

*fairytales87* Thank you hun. Yeah i really landed on my feet with this clinic. I really hope that you can get onto this crazy train with me. I know it must be so hard recovering from a loss. But you are strong, and you will come back fighting :hugs:

*K.N* Well you know how im doing hun hehehe. :happydance: Just sitting here, trying to grow some eggs. What about you? :kiss:


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## Keebs

:hugs: *Fairytales87*


*Melody* Oh my gosh!!! What a total bolt from the blue, how exciting :happydance: So pleased for you. Hope your scan goes well today :flower:

*Mom2Madison* Hi :wave: and congratulations :flower:


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thank you hun. I'm pretty excited myself :happydance: 

But how are yooooou? Gosh, im so chuffed for you. I have a constant smile on my face. I hope baba is snuggling in nicely :hugs:


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## Mom2Madison

Hi ladies! Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. I'm well. Not as much morning sickness as I was having last week. This pregnancy seems very different from my first one. But I guess they do say every pregnancy is unique. I haven't told anyone in my family yet- other than my mom. When is a good time? My doc says everything looks great but I just have a fear that if anything goes wrong, I'll have to tell everyone that I'm no longer pregnant....


----------



## Rags

Mom2Madison said:


> Hi ladies! Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. I'm well. Not as much morning sickness as I was having last week. This pregnancy seems very different from my first one. But I guess they do say every pregnancy is unique. I haven't told anyone in my family yet- other than my mom. When is a good time? My doc says everything looks great but I just have a fear that if anything goes wrong, I'll have to tell everyone that I'm no longer pregnant....

Hi Mom. They do say every pregnancy in different, I'd enjoy the not to much morning sickness bit while I can as you don't know if it might get worse.

I know what you mean about when to tell. I really didn't want anyone to know (apart from mum) until after my 6 week confirmation scan, I did in the end tell my immediate family and 2 very close friends sooner than I had intended though as I knew that they would be the people there to support my if the pregnancy didn't progress. Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## Keebs

Eeeeeek *Melody* 4th of May. Is it egg collection day yet :happydance: Hope all is going well.

I am doing well, just hanging in there until my apt 21st May when hopefully I'll get a dating scan and see all is well. Lots of nausea and tiredness this time round. Really cruel joke from mother nature that you feel your worst when it's too early to tell anyone why :haha:

I'll tell family and close friends after the scan (if all is well) and then hopefully will have a nice neat bump like last time so can wait to tell work around 20 weeks (otherwise CN will aler my shifts to reduce my pay on mat leave) :thumbup:

Hope everyone else is well :flower:


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## fairytales87

Keebs: I'm hoping you feel so sick etc is because wee baby is behaving and doing as it should!! I can't wait to hear that your dating scan has gone well & all is ok. I'm intrigued by your work changing your shifts what do you do? 

Melody: I just caught up on your blog can't believe how close you are getting to T day!! Following your journey has given me the kick up the butt I needed to get on the IVF train & Ive contacted my clinic :happydance:

Caite & KN: where are you ladies & what's happening with yous?
Hope your both well:flower:


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## melodyy_mtb

*Mom2Madison* Glad you're doing well. It must be nerve wracking deciding when to tell people, but I'm sure you'll know when the time is right. 

*Keebs* May 4th came and went. My follicles weren't growing as quickly as thru thought, so they upped my meds and I went in for my egg retrieval yesterday! :happydance: I'm currently recovering at my mum's. Aww I'm glad you're doing well. I hope the next few weeks fly by so your scan can give you that added reassurance that all is well.

*fairytales87* Aww thanks for reading my blog hun! Yep, I finally went in for my retrieval yesterday. Just waiting to find out when I'll be going back for the transfer. I'm so glad that you've contacted your clinic!!!!


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## Rags

Melodyy I hope you are feeling ok today? I'm so pleased to hear the retrieval went ahead - from what I gather it's really normal for follies to take longer to grow than expected on a first attempt, no one really knows how you will react to the meds and they always like to start with a lower dose rather than over stimulate and find you need to abandon the cycle. I look forward to hearing how everything else goes for you and am sending you best thoughts and loads of baby dust. Xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thanks Rags. Not feeling too bad. I'm just really bloated. But they retrieved 15 eggs, and from those, 12 fertilised! They'll update me on monday to see if ill be going in for a 3 or 5 day transfer.


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## Rags

12 from 15 is fantastic! I've everything cross for a good result on Monday.


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## Keebs

Eeeeek. This is it!!! I cannot believe you have 12 potential babies out there *Melody *:happydance: so excited for you and can't wait to hear about their progress. Everything crossed :dust:


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## Keebs

fairytales87 said:


> Keebs: I'm intrigued by your work changing your shifts what do you do?

Sorry, missed this before. I am a nurse and get extra pay for working weekends and nights. My mat pay is based on what I earned the 6 months running up to 25 weeks so. However I have discovered it is not the wages dept that works this out it's the CN so I'll be getting basic pay regardless I suspect.

How are you? So excited to hear you're following in Meoldy's footsteps. Hope it's as quick for you too :flower:


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## Cinderella

Waiting...waiting...waiting... I'm only waiting for my cycles to return and the waiting is killing me! Doesn't bode well. 
I had my first period since quitting bcp about two weeks ago and got really excited that I could try my first insemination, and then realised it would be better to wait a few cycles so I could figure out my cycle and ovulation and when to order my goods. So I figure I'll need at least 3-6 months to know what's going on internally. That feels like a lifetime away! I know that's such a ridiculous statement, but having waited so long to TTC, now it's within reach I can't bear the wait.... 

Melody - wow! I can't believe you're so close! Good luck for tomorrow!


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## InVivoVeritas

Melody, 12 is a fantastic number! Sending every one of my good thoughts to you tomorrow. Keep us posted!


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## Keebs

Hope you got fantastic news today *Melody* :flower:


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## K.N

mom2madison - aw that's totally understandable; the worry etc. I think ill be the same when i do get pregnant. Just that "what if" - i dont know if there is a best time, just whenever really feels right in your heart. Have you had any scans or drs appts since your last one?

melody - I'm honestly so excited for you hun, i know ive expressed my excitement on wordpress; but im just so glad - 12 seems so good from everyone else who have been down the ivf route and i pray so much that one of those 12 turns into a little bubba for you!

keebs - i was just looking at your ticker; and cant believe you're 10 weeks in already! Can't wait to hear how your next appt goes and for you to get your scan etc. 

fairytails: woohoo for contacting your clinic! such a big thing huh, even just ringing them for me was huge to start with!

as for myself; well just trucking on as normal hahaa. nothing too new to report - im meant to be fertile but no symptoms yet - so just waiting for them too appear (if they do!) so i can get things under way! My sister had her second baby yesterday - a teeny wee girl! Was talking with her midwife when my sister was in the shower, she was telling me how amazing id be as a mother; and asked if ill have kids of my own - i just politely said yeah i hope so, if only she knew hahaa. Didn't want to get into the big pcos rant! As a mw she would understand what it is of course - but not the chit chat you want to be having at 4am when your sister has just had a baby! Luckily she changed the subject quickly lol. So proud of my sister and so stoked to have a new neice, i love her so much already! But my ovaries are aching hahaha.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies. So the bloated and sore feeling continued up until my transfer which was yesterday!!! :happydance: The nurse said my ovaries looked huge lol. Sadly only 2 of my 12 little embies made it :cry: but all you need is one. I was just hoping ot freeze some, but everything happens for a reason :D I transferred both of them! hahaha. I know I'm mad. The nurses thought i was insane but i just went with my gut. I honestly feel like only one will take. Anyway im officially 1DP5DT and time is going soooo slooowly :wacko: Thanks so much for all your support and well wishes. 

*KN* Ugh, I know that feeling. Just as you think you've got to grips with how your body works, even just a little bit, it goes and does something (or not) out of the blue. I really hope you O soon. Hopefully this cycle is the one! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

How's everyone else doing? <3


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## Keebs

:happydance: Congratulations Melody :happydance: how many to transfer is a very personal decision but I think I'd have done the same. Sorry the others didn't make it and everything crossed this is it for you :flower:


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## Rags

Hi Melody - I think I'd have transferred the 2 as well.
When is your official test date? I hope the bloating subsides soon and that you ahve some distractions planned for the next couple of weeks? Xx


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## Babycakes92

I'm single and considering assisted conception... not for any other reason except that I'm single, any thoughts? Should I?


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## InVivoVeritas

Melody, I think you did right -- keep us posted on how you feel over the next few days. Exciting times for you!!!

Babycakes, welcome! The decision is a very personal one, but if you choose to make it you'll be in very good company here.


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## melodyy_mtb

I was really calm after my transfer, but late last night I finally started freaking out lol. I could very well be pregnant! What if i get twins? I asked my mum to keep one :rofl: It's reassuring to see how many of you would have chosen to transfer both as well :hugs:

*Keebs* Thank yooooooooou :hugs:

*Rags* My official test date is the 24th. I'm going to try my hardest to not test before then, but who am i kidding lol. I'll definitely wait as long as i can though. The hcg from the trigger can remain in your system for 12 days. I've got a few cinema trips and meditation classes to hopefully keep my mind off things. 

*InVivoVeritas* Aww thanks hun. I hope you're doing well :hugs: I'm ok. I have to keep remembering that the progesterone pessaries i am using often mimic pregnancy symptoms. I feel a bit nauseous, and my boobs are incredibly sore! 

*Babycakes92* Welcome to the best thread on here lol :hugs: No one can tell you if you should have a baby. Like Vivo said, it is a very personal decision. However, choosing to have a child on your own is so common these days. I had to see a counselor before having IVF, when she found out i was single, she didn't even bat an eye lid.


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## Rags

Lol lots Melodyy, I can imagine your mums face when you asked her to take one!!

I really had my fingers crossed for twins when I was waiting for my confirmation scan - I figured that as I didn't really know how hard it would be to raise one baby I'd just get on with it if there were two and would just assume that this was how everyone did it. Part of me would still have liked to have the two now, but that's more about me being to old to try for any more. I found myself playing the lotto last week, the thought was that if I won enough money not to have to worry about work then I could go through IVF to have another baby. Oh well, no millions coming my way so will just get on with what I have and be grateful for it (as I've far more than many people have - just need to remind myself sometimes).

Sorry went off on a tangent there, one of those days. x


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## Keebs

*Rags* :hugs: gratitude for the things you do have and mourning/desiring the things you don't are not mutually exclusive :hugs: I secretly hoped for twins first time round as well, for pretty much the same reasons.

*Melody* Ack! 24th is aaaaaaages away :brat: that would be like 16 dpo... who can hold out that long? How are you holding up so far?

*KN* Congratulations on your new niece :flower: I hope you get to prove what an amazing mummy you will be very soon :hugs:

*Invivo* :hugs: has :witch: arrived yet? Keeping everything crossed for you :dust:


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## melodyy_mtb

*Rags* Hehehe i go off on tangents all the time. I did used to day dream about twins, but now I'm just hoping for one healthy baby. 

*Keebs* I know it's aaages away. I must admit... i did cave and tested on sunday, which would make me 4dp5dt( 4 days past my 5 day transfer). I saw the faintest faaaaaintest second line :wacko::wacko::wacko: But let's not get too excited now. The reason why they tell you not to test until at least 10 days post transfer, is because you could still have hcg floating around your system from the trigger injection. 

I was quite shocked when i did the test, and have kind of been walking around in a daze. I could be pregnant right now, and the test could have picked it up so early because im having twins :haha: But it could also be left over hcg. So at the moment im calm because like Schrodinger's cat, im in both a state of knowing and not knowing haha. 

Roll on sunday! :happydance:


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## K.N

Hahaa how are you calm Melody! I'd be forcing myself not to bounce off walls - even though they say that it can take awhile for the hcg to go down after trigger hahaa. Roll on Sunday for sure!!


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## melodyy_mtb

I dont know hahaha. Everyone around me is having a meltdown. My mum keeps crying, and my best friend texts me every morning "so so so so so" hahahaha. 

I will definitely keep you informed. I tell you what though... if i am pregnant, I really dont want to leave this group lol :cry:


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## K.N

hahaa you dont have to leave!! its not just for ttc - its to support each other; right through! Parenthood included <3.


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## melodyy_mtb

Yaaaay :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## fairytales87

KN: Congrats on become an auntie & check your ticker 8months to go eek!!!!!

Melody: Omg!! I know they say it can still be left over trigger but I would still be
flying on cloud9 Im buzzing for you to test and finally see a bfp you seem to be handling this like a total pro xx


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## Keebs

OMG! Everything crossed for you Melody, are you being good now and waiting until Sunday? I am bursting to know if that line is getting darker :happydance:


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## Keebs

Oh I forgot lol :dohh: had my dating scan today. All is well and seemingly on track. I declined the downs screening but the sonographer did say they always eyeball the NT regardless of consent and it didn't look enlarged :cloud9:


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## K.N

Thanks for the wishes on becoming an aunt again everyone :) Baby is doing well - very small though, and getting smaller - nearly ended up in neonatal today; but the midwife gave my sister the option to try formula first though. to fatten her up. She was born 5lb12oz, dropped down to about 5lb6oz ish - and lost more weight at her weigh in today, but im not sure how much. Hopefully she fattens up sooner!
My best friend had her baby too - he'll be a week old tomorrow. So exciting for them; but night times are hard when I lay in bed and get thinking lol. Just have to tell myself - I'll get my turn one day!

Fairytales: hahaa - i realised i had forgotten to change my ticker on here! My treatment spot got bumped up two months so now begins feb next year. I changed the ticker on my blog, but forgot to change it here lol. How are things going with you anyway hun? x

Keebs: o0oo glad that all is going well for you. You'll be glad to be moving into that 2nd trimester soon! Have you been caught down with morning sickness much?

Melody: 2 days longer till testing. I'm on cloud9 for you, and hoping soooo much that there are two sticky lines. I'm having a hard time telling myself that your test could just be from the trigger, so i dont even know how you're doing it hahaa.


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## fairytales87

KN: I hope the little one starts to gain a few lbs soon and can avoid the NNU:flower: 
That's great news your treatment is sooner :happydance:
I know what you mean about lots of new babies & night time thinking
I've got 3 friends due 1 in July 2 in Aug & my sister announced she's due another baby & her date date is 3 days and what would of been mine:cry:
So while I'm happy for them I have to admit at night in my bed 
I have shed some tears a few times but then feel like a horrible person it's
not easy being us sometimes but we will get our little miracles soon:hugs:

Keebs: Thats great news your scan went well I hope your keeping well 

Melody: I hope your holding up good & times not standing too still
& I forgot to say yesterday your not allowed to leave us if you are pregnant none of you ladies are :haha: seriously though I hope you all stay posting here :hugs:


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey girlies. Well in true ttc fashion, I tested again last night (8dp5dt) :wacko: There's still a fricken line there!!!! The hcg should be well out of my system by now so..... lol. I cant tell if the line is any darker. I am beginning to get a bit excited/freaked out, but I'm trying to keep my cool. Will update you on Sunday :thumbup:

*fairytales87* Aww thanks hun. This is the first time ive ever had line porn :haha:, so i think im just in shock, which is keeping me calm. Aww I'm never leaving this place haha. How are you anyway? Have you looked into any clinics? Besides Oxford, where I'm at, I've also heard good things about Hammersmith in London. 

*Keebs* Aww dating scan, it's all moving so quickly! i'm glad everything looks good hun. Hopefully i'll be joining you soon :cloud9:

*K.N* ~Hahaha thanks hun. I think it's pretty obvious :blush: But i just cant say the words out loud. I'm waiting for my blood test so i can actually stop holding my breath haha. Might pick up a clearblue on the way home though lol. Cant believe you're scheduled for ivf next feb!!! That will just fly by!


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## fairytales87

Melody: I know what you mean when I tested I was
so convinced it would be negative but tested just to be sure then when I saw to lines read the instructions to be sure that meant pregnant then repeated the words oh s**t & oh f***k to myself all the way from my friends house back to mine :haha: 

I've looked at my IUI clinic again & 1 other but I'm not sure they will treat me as a solo mumma want to be as they are essentially an nhs clinic but do treat private patients so I'm unsure what to do


while your trying to stay calm 
I'm sooo buzzing for you to test tomorrow:winkwink:


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## SpudsMama

Melody, I want to know why the *hell* we haven't *seen* these lines yet?! I miss line porn!! :haha:


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## K.N

Gah wrote a big message and then deleted it. Damn it lol. Was feeling so mad, i accidentally clicked "back" instead of send lol. Duh. hahaha.
Anyway - I was messaging you all what I was mad about; coz well just having a vent lol. Just coz I need too. And noone else will understand my frustrations. Have a "friend" who's decided that she's going to take her mirena out and try for baby #3. All good and well. Didn't think much of it. Wished her well and good luck. ((Keep in mind she's one of the very few people who know about my place on the ivf list, my pcos and all my decisions etc.)) Anyway she randomly tells me she is going to get funded treatment because her dr promised her it a few years ago, and that apparently I know nothing about the NZ fertility funding system. (which offers you 3 rounds of govt funded treatment. BUT if you have 2 or more kids, you don't get any). AND you have to have serious fertility issues. I struggled to get funding even with PCOS. She has 2 boys, and has a terminated pregnancy too.

THEN she tells me she thinks she's infertile. Because 2 months has passed and she's not pregnant yet, and her periods have been late the past two months. She had a mirena for 4 years, isn't that normal? hahaa i dont know much about the mirena. But im sure it must cause some hormonal changes. Next she has the cheek to ask me if PCOS is "catchable" and if she's caught it sometime since she's known me and not realised.... -.-'

Hahaa but it doesn't end there..... She then decided to ask me for my metformin (i happened to mention the other week i wasnt using it anymore due to the side effects), ask for spare ovulation tests and pregnancy tests, and then ask for my fertility notes so she knows how to get treatment (even though she'd already made out that i know nothing hahaa). She got mad at me when i told her no to all of the above. Metformin is a prescription drug, I go through that many ovulation and pregnancy tests that "spare" doesnt exist hahaa. annnd my notes are confidential lol!

Oh man. I was fuming lol!! some friend hahaha. But seriously. Is pcos contagious. What do you even say to that lol! "yes it is. I'm a walking giver of pcos instead of chicken pox"

ANYWAY. How'd the testing go Melody?? I came on first thing today after work to see if you had posted hahaa. I'm so hopeful for you! If it's unsuccessful.. do you get another shot at it?? How does it work over there?? My fingers and toes are all crossed! I can't wait to hear how it all went today!

fairytails: Is treatment really expensive where you are? It sucks that treatment funding is based on judgements ae :( Especially when so many couples that go through it end up breaking up anyway. I hope they accept you and your decision so you can get your wee miracle <3 :hugs:

Hope everyone is ok <3


----------



## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Melody: I know what you mean when I tested I was
> so convinced it would be negative but tested just to be sure then when I saw to lines read the instructions to be sure that meant pregnant then repeated the words oh s**t & oh f***k to myself all the way from my friends house back to mine :haha:
> 
> I've looked at my IUI clinic again & 1 other but I'm not sure they will treat me as a solo mumma want to be as they are essentially an nhs clinic but do treat private patients so I'm unsure what to do
> 
> 
> while your trying to stay calm
> I'm sooo buzzing for you to test tomorrow:winkwink:

Fairytales, where are you in the UK? I am in Scotland and didn't get a second glance at the NHS clinic I attended (Ninewells in Dundee). Like the clinic you are considering Ninewells treat NHS and private - they also do a mixture of both, I paid for the sperm donors expenses and any stimulation/trigger medications but all of my clinic appointments, scans, tests etc where through he NHS. I could have applied to be fully funded but as I'd originally thought I'd need to go private I was happy to pay. There was no skipping the queue though, private and NHS people went on the same waiting list when it came to donor sperm or eggs.
I know that different health trusts have differing policy - I called the clinic and asked one of the sisters if they treated single women before I approached my GP for the referral. You should be fine to do the same thing - call, speak to the clinic manager or member of senior nursing staff and just ask if they treat solo women, better than waiting for an appointment and possibly being disappointed by what your are told.

Meloddy - just catching up with posts after we've been at Alton Towers for the week. Find I'm buzzing more waiting for your result than I was when I came off of 'Rita'. I have everything crossed for you and butterflies in my tummy. ALL MY BEST WHILE YOU FIND OUT YOUR NEWS.

KN - I'm pleased to hear that your date has moved forward a couple of months. I know how it feels when you seem to be constantly waiting but it will come soon, honest. I can't believe you started this thread over 2 years ago, look how much has changed in all of our lives in that short time. Your bundle of joy will come and you will immediately forget all of the waiting around. My son recently asked me why I hadn't had a baby before I did. My answer - because it needed that particular egg and that particular sperm to make you and you are exactly what I was hoping for. Your body is just waiting on the right follicle to bud and release the right egg to make the baby that is the one you will always have wanted. Xx


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## Rags

KN - OMG!!!!

Must have been posting mine at the same time as you were putting yours up - again OMG!!!!!

PCOS CATCHING!!!!! She sounds like a right piece of work.

It is so painful and difficult when you take someone into your confidence about something so private only to find that they are maybe not the person you though they were. I'm so sorry for you. I completely agree with your decisions not to pass on medication (or information). You know how personal fertility journeys are, it's one thing to ask for an opinion on a choice or path your are taking, it's very different to hijack someone else's journey and treatment plan. I hope you manage to resolve this in a way that lets you keep your friendship if it means an awful lot to you, otherwise there comes a time in many friendships where the memories you have from the past are better than any you will make in the future and it's better to walk away. I've lost a couple of people in the last 7 or 8 years who had been in my life for a very long time but it came to a point where we were causing each other more heart ache than joy, I occasionally regret them not being in my life now when I think back to the times we had a long time ago but then I remember how things were in the end up and I know that my life is better than it would have been had we remained as we were.


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## Keebs

Wow* KN* I am so sorry :hugs: and really quite cross on your behalf. We all become a little self centred when ttc I suppose, but your friend was rather taking the biscuit there :growlmad:

Curious that she has been ttc for two months but has yet to remove her coil, a self defeating enterprise I'd have thought (I'm no expert though) :shrug: 

I assume that as she knows about your ttc journey this was totally out of character for her, at least I hope so because you definitely deserve better support from your friends. 


Hoping it's good news *Melody* that second bfp is very encouraging. Keeping everything crossed, so excited for you :flower:


*Fairytales* I didn't think clinics got to make 'moral judgements', hope it all works out.


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## fairytales87

KN: omg I'm sorry your friend was so bold like that no wonder
your mad I hope she gets herself together and apologises to you!!
To answer your cost question 1 round of IVF at my iui clinic is £7000

Keebs: How are you keeping? 
I already had one clinic tell me they won't treat me as a single woman


Rags: Its amazing the difference in trusts your clinic sounds really good


Goodluck today Melody :hugs:


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## Rags

Gosh Fairytales, that is awful. There is quite a big thing up here about not being able to discriminate for anything based on religion, ethnicity or life style choice. I'm not saying that everyone would agree but it means that if it is on offer to one person it has to be offered to anyone else. The cost is also far less, I paid £250 per IUI and £350 on medicated cycles. I know that IVF is more but it is considerably less doing it when you only have to pay part of the process. I hope you get good news from the clinic you are looking at now.


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## dodgegirl

I know I haven't been active in this thread but thought I'd pop in to tell you my good news! I got my bfp! Found out while we were on our Caribbean cruise! Waiting for my 1st scan it won't be for a couple of weeks. EDD will be end of Jan. It doesn't seem real to me quite yet, feels very surreal! And yes I will be raising it alone with lots of family support! It only took 2 IUI's :)
 



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## SpudsMama

Omg dodge, yaaaaay!! :happydance:


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## fairytales87

Fantastic news dodge girl congrats!!!


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## melodyy_mtb

I'm pregnant. Lol. I've kind of known for ages. I've just been in shock/denial but yeaaah haha.
:haha:

I'm still in shock. 2 years in the making. I honestly never thought this day would come. My mum cried lol. Bless her. I tested last night and after seeing the two lines, I put it down and proceeded to get excited about Eurovision lol. 

*KN* Your friend sounds really clueless and inconsiderate. I know that two months can seem like a long time to an otherwise fertile person with two kids, but when you've been in the game as long as us and spoken to other women struggling to conceive, I even feel blessed that it took two years.

*Fairytails* Hahaha you know how I feel then. I'm still in disbelief. Aww I hope your clinic is sensetive to your needs and are ok with you being single. My first con sultan was dreadful, but oxford are amazing. 

*dodgegirl* Omg cogtatulations!!!!! :happydance::happydance: Wonderful news!!! I'll be due end of Jan too. Aww wonderful. Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months xx

Just want to say a massive thank you to all of you! *Keebs, Rags, Fairytales87, Spuds mama, Vivo*. You gals have really kept me going. It's so sweet how we all route for each other and get so excited. Sorry I didn't post sooner.


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## Cinderella

Wow, Melody, congrats!! Such exciting news!! And Dodge too, this thread feels very lucky at the moment! A very happy and healthy nine months to you! (I'm using far too many exclamation marks, I know) but yesssss!


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## fairytales87

Omg omg omg!!! Massive congrats my lovely 
Absolutely over the moon for you:happydance::happydance:
Hope you have a happy healthy 9months:hugs:


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## Keebs

:wohoo: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!! Huge congratulations *Melody *and *dodgegirl* :happydance: 

So pleased for you both, lovely lines ladies! Here's to a happy and healthy nine months for you both xxx


That's pants *Fairytales* I hope your current clinic is more open minded :growlmad: Keeping everything crossed for you :flower:

I'm good thanks, still getting nausea off and on and super sensitive to smells but all is well.


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## Rags

Meloddy and dodgegirl how fabulous for both of you!!!! So delighted and excited for you and the next part of your journey. Enjoy every moment - morning sickness is quite glorious when you've been trying the way you have! Lol lots.

I look forward to your updates and scan results - wonder if either of you have twins on board. Xx


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## SpudsMama

Yay yay yay yay YAY!! Isn't it strange how we can be so happy for someone we barely know?! :haha: Huge congratulations :hugs:


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## Cinderella

I legit. just got way too carried away and put my sperm in my basket (not a euphemism) ready to pay up, spurred on by everyone's success and the fact that after two periods post bcp I think I ovulate on the 8th of the month which is only two weeks away and I'd be able to catch this cycle...... But then, no. Stop. Take a breather. I think October is sensible for me. I'm not a fan of sensible ordinarily, but at £350 a month, I really have to be!
So, in short, I emptied my basket of sperm and bought some ovulation strips instead. I might even look into charting, just give me something to do between now and then!


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## dodgegirl

Melodyy! !! Yay!!! So happy for you hun!!! Way to go!! 

Rags, I hope not twins! I'm so anxious about that !


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## K.N

Eeeeeeeeek oh my goodness Melody!! So darn excited for you!!! Like words cant even describe! I'm so glad that it happened! Praying for a sticky little bean and a lovely enjoyable not too morning sickness filled pregnancy! crazy how your round of ivf was whirlwind on its own and kind of just happened - and was sucessful! wonder if both eggs implanted  

Also a big congrats to you too Dodge!!

Fairytails - oh wow, i think that works out to about $14,000 nz roughly, which is about the cost here too :( My main reason for needing to be on the "funded" list. As much as i want to be a mama now - i dont have $14,000 :( I hope and pray that there is a way around it for you though, somehow. 

Hahaa, had to laugh cinderella. "put sperm in my basket" - at first I thought it was figure of speech. Then i clicked, you really can just buy sperm over there hahaa! Charting definitely helps the time fly though - gives you a purpose for waiting and something to do though. You definitely do realise how long 2 weeks is though hahaa.


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## Rags

Lol lots Cinderella, this internet shopping thing really can encourage spontaneous shopping can't it! I remember when I first started trying at home insemination and opening the door to a delivery man, signing for my delivery and wondering what the h... he thought was in the box. 
It's the end of May already, not that much longer for you to wait to do this as you planned. Autumn will be here in a heart beat and you will get your BFP.


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## melodyy_mtb

Still in shock, still walking around in a bit of a daze. I'm scheduled for my scan on the 15th of June, so fingers crossed that this little beany sticks like hell lol.

*Cinderella* Hehehe thank you hun. I'm hoping this thread will go on to have a long stretch of good luck. We definitely need it. You definitely have to be sure of when you want to start. It's such an expensive process. Good luck for October. Ps: I love exclamation marks!!! lol 

*fairytales87* Awww thank you hun. I cant beleive it to be fare. Please please please keep me up to date on what's going on with your clinic etc.

*Keebs* Thaaaaaaaaaaank yooou hun!!!! 

*Rags* Aww thanks Rags. Lol yeah surprisingly I'm quite looking forward to morning sickness. I doubt ill be thinking like that for long haha. Omg there could definitely be twins in this group, we've got 3 BFPs so far, so it's a possibility. 

*SpudsMama* Thank you. Hahaha I know it's crazy. I tear up a bit when there's other bfps in the group. 

*dodgegirl* Awwthanks hun! 

*K.N* Thanks so much!!! I know, it has been a crazy few years. I cant thank you enough for starting this thread. You've been so awesome. God the thought of twins freaks me out sooo much lol.


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## K.N

Love your new ticker melody! I don't understand how someones pregnancy can be so exciting for me hahaa. Especially someone like you on the other side of the world! Probably because you've been here since the start of the thread - right back now! You give me so much hope :D

Thought I'd update you all on my news - my treatment has been moved forward.. AGAIN!! Is now scheduled for Nov - this year!! That's so soon really! A lot sooner than feb thats for sure! Now to update all my tickers haha! I'm still in a little shock at how close it could be now. I got the email last night


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## fairytales87

Rags: I would love to hear more about your treatment clinic 
if you'd be willing to share if not I completely understand

Melody: I'm still so excited & happy for you
I love the new tickers 

KN: What amazing news!!!! That's less than 6 months I love how quickly 
it's all happening for you now let's hope cycle 1 gets you that bfp you've 
been waiting for. 

This thread is all just far too exciting these days :cloud9::cloud9:


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## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Rags: I would love to hear more about your treatment clinic
> if you'd be willing to share if not I completely understand
> 
> Melody: I'm still so excited & happy for you
> I love the new tickers
> 
> KN: What amazing news!!!! That's less than 6 months I love how quickly
> it's all happening for you now let's hope cycle 1 gets you that bfp you've
> been waiting for.
> 
> This thread is all just far too exciting these days :cloud9::cloud9:

Faiytales, I'm happy to fill you in on anything I can. This is the link to their site https://www.acudundee.org/ and there is a thread running on BnB in the assisted conception section with other women using it for various reasons https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/a...-icis-july-aug-ninewells-hospital-dundee.html 
The unit works on a 'not for profit' basis which is part of why the costs are so low, that and the fact that they are part of the NHS. I know that they take referrals from all over Scotland - they are not my local Trust hospital, in fact they are more than 90 miles from where I am and there are several other units in my area. All I had to do was have a referral from my GP (who was great, didn't ask me for any details just asked how long I'd been trying unsuccessfully, I told him I was single, he said fine I'll send them a letter). He sent the letter in the April and I had my first appointment in the August, some tests done in the September and saw the councillor in the December. That was 2007. I then went on the donor waiting list which I'd been warned at that time would be about a year. I was notified that I could start my IUI's in December 2008 but my cycle didn't play ball with their Christmas and New Year breaks and it was February 2009 before I actually got started. I missed a couple of inseminations (my fault) and conceived on my 3rd unmedicated IUI in the June. I had been offered 6 in total (3 unmedicated and 3 medicated).
They were really good when I went back to them when DS was 2 to try for a second and allowed me to have another 6 goes. Statistically there are no real IUI successes with women over 43 but I wanted to try it that way and didn't ask about IVF as, with a small child, I didn't think it would be fare to put myself (or him for that matter) through all the 'down reging' etc etc. If I can tell you anything else please feel free to ask.

On a slightly different note - Last night DS asked me what I thought he should tell people if they asked him who his dad was. (Think this is because he had a visit to his school yesterday and met his teacher and class mates). I said to him that this depended on what he wanted people to know about his story or if he wanted to keep it private. He told me that it wasn't 'his story' it was 'our story' and he wanted to keep it private. I gave suggestions like 'he doesn't live near here', and he said 'no' if anyone asks about his dad he will just say 'I love my mum very much'. He's so sweet - most of the time!


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## Rags

KN, if they keep changing the dates like this you'll be delivering your baby in the New Year, not conceiving it! How fantastic for you, I am so excited and can't wait to hear how you are doing coming up to then. x


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## fairytales87

Rags: Thank you so much for sharing your story with me <3
I've just looked at that clinics website and the price difference is incredible!!!! The part of the site that explains about the suitability to parent is a bit scary though lol 
It's very far from me also but at those price it's worth the travel I think.
Your DS sounds like such a little cutie xx


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## fairytales87

Afm: After checking out the clinic that the wonderful Rags recommended 
I have been doing some serious thinking and accounts and I'm hoping to start Ivf at the end of the year all being well!! 
I will to speak to the clinic to find out about referrals waiting times etc & hopefully I can go there <3


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## melodyy_mtb

*K.N* Awwww thank you. I was nervous about changing it lol. I know, it's craxy isn't it. But a lot of us have been here from the start, it's become a little family of it's own. Congrats again on your news by the way! :happydance: 

*fairytales87* Thanks hun. I'm so excited for you though. You could be starting IVF around the same time as KN! Rag's hospital sounds wonderful. It was one of the places i considered when I was going to travel out of my area. 

*Rags* Awww your DS is so precious. and maturing so quickly. That's beautiful. People think that being a smbc is such an obscure notion, but as long as a child is loved, who cares. And your son sounds like the most loved little boy there is. x

AFM:  I think im 5w2d today. Still very nervous and a bit worried, but I've come to realise that's perfectly normal :) Counting down till my scan on the 15th.


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## 2kidsplusttc3

Just dropping in. Good to see this thread still going.


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## Rags

Meloddy, I remember feeling so unsure at this stage, you've very few symptoms and haven't had your scan yet, your desperate for your body to prove that your pregnant but terrified of it at the same time. Only 14 more days and you will have picture evidence that you have a baby on board.

Fairytales, I'm so pleased that you found my story and information helpful. I am very excited that it's helped you to solidify your plan and move on with your journey - I very much look forward to hearing how everything progresses and if I can give you any more information or support please feel free to ask, I'm always happy to be open with my story on this thread.


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## melodyy_mtb

*2kidsplusttc3* Yeah still here. I could never leave this place lol. How have you been?

*Rags* That's it exactly! You've described it perfectly. I almost feel scsared of being too happy. Roll on the 15th!

How's everyone else doing? :hugs:


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## fairytales87

Just thought I would drop in with a little update!!
It's only taken me 5 days of being a nervous wreck but I finally contacted
the new clinic with all my questions so I'm just waiting to hear back and take it from there. I'm soooo nervous yet excited all at once.

How are you all doing?xx


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## SpudsMama

So exciting fairytales!! :)

Just thought I'd drop my own little update in here... I'm pregnant! :blush: I know I'm not single anymore (I've been on/off with OH for roughly 9 months now) and this baby certainly wasn't planned but I'm still very very happy! My daughter was conceived with donor sperm after TTC for over a year and I went through two chemicals when trying with the same donor again last year so I do know what this process is like but it's all worth it when you finally get to hold that little bundle :cloud9:


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## fairytales87

Omg huge congratulations!!! Such exciting news &#128522;
I hope your keeping well & the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly xx


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## melodyy_mtb

*fairytales87* Aww that's wonderful news. It's always a relief when you get the ball rolling, no matter how long it takes. You never know, you could end up like me. Go in for a consultation and come out with your ivf schedule lol. 

*SpudsMama* OOOOOOOH MYYYYYYY GOOODNESS!!!!! Didn't even kbow you were seeing anyone. What fantastic news!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: 

I know it wasn't planned, but I also know little baba will be one of the most loved and wanted babies in the world. Isn't it crazy how things work out. After all the pain you've been through, there's finalyl a rainbow at the end of the storm. Congrats hun. Yay pregnancy buddies lol. <3


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## Rags

Fairytails, good on you.

SpudsMama, wonderful news. So pleased all the best with your relationship too.


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## Keebs

Eeeeeeeeek, what a fabulous bolt from the blue *SpudsMama*. Huge congratulations :happydance: Sometimes I think babies are very deliberate in when they choose to enter our lives (not in all cases, but definitely sometimes), can't help but think both Spud and this new little monkey fall into this catagory. Wishing you a very happy and healthy nine months :flower:

Congratulations on making that first step *fairytales* hopefully you get the answers you want. Have you any idea when you'd want/get to start? 

How's things with you *Melody*? Hope you are keeping well. Not sure how time is passing for you but it seems like your pregnancy is flying in. How'd you get to be over 6 weeks already :flower:

Hello to everyone else :hi:


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## fairytales87

Just a little update from me: I heard back from the clinic and I need to be referred via my GP which could be an issue as I don't even known how to get them to agree to refer me!!! and also I need to do 6 IUI first (3 unstimulated 3 stimulated)before I can do Ivf which I didn't really want to do but my other option would be to pay almost 7k to get to do Ivf and sooner! (The waiting time at that clinic is a year.) I have a lot of thinking to do now I guess xx


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## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Just a little update from me: I heard back from the clinic and I need to be referred via my GP which could be an issue as I don't even known how to get them to agree to refer me!!! and also I need to do 6 IUI first (3 unstimulated 3 stimulated)before I can do Ivf which I didn't really want to do but my other would be to pay almost 7k to get to do Ivf and sooner! (The waiting time at that clinic is a year.) I have a lot of thinking to do now I guess xx

Hi Fairytales - I'm sorry it's not so straight forward. 
Regarding the referral - your GP should have no reason not to refer you. I know that mine was great and that they aren't all like that but you are really only asking for a letter to be written on your behalf. As I said before I made an appointment, told them that I wanted to be referred to the clinic, that I was single and that the clinic were willing to treat me if I was referred. I realise that the idea of going through the 6 IUI's isn't ideal either but if you at least have the referral and are on the waiting list you can look at other opportunities while you are waiting. It's a way of covering all of the bases - if you manage to come up with another option then you just pull out when your insemination date arrives, if not then you can decide to go ahead.
I realise that it must be incredibly frustrating. I'm assuming that it is because you have no history of infertility and the IVF route is far more invasive when they feel you may be able to conceive more naturally. Good luck.


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## fairytales87

Well girls today I have been talking with my local NHS clinic and they will allow me to private fund treatment & the co-ordinator came back to me with an Aug initial consultation date & I've decided to accept it!!!!!!

August has been a tragic time for my family these last few years 
One of those tragic moments was my dads passing so when she said the date it was like suddenly all the worry of all the ifs and buts and working out money to see how soon I can afford to start treatments if it takes more than one etc all disappeared and my heart just screamed yes at her!! I believe very much that this was all a sign that what will be will be and that my dad is saying if you want it now then go for it now&#10084;&#65039;

I'm still unsure weather it will be iui or Ivf until after my initial appointment but I'm sooo happy and can't quite believe it!! 

Sorry if this post upsets anyone but I've nobody IRL I can tell and just had to share it with somebody

Hope everyone's well xx


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## melodyy_mtb

*Keebs* I know! Coming up to 7 now :happydance: I;m alright. I've been a bit quiet, as msot of my energy is going into constant worrying that my baby is ok/exists. Got my scan on Monday though, so I'll be able to sleep easy soon. How are you doing?? How far along are you? I can't see your ticker :(

*fairytales87* Well it sounds like everything has been progressing so quickly for you! i'm glad you got stuff sorted with your clinic. I understand August is a hard time for your family, but maybe it's time to make some good memories for that month. Good luck hun.


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## Rags

Meloddy - only a few more days till you see it - and the exhaustion is called 'being pregnant', welcome to one of the first trimesters most debilitating symptoms! x

Fairytails - My mum always told me that these things happen when they are meant to, despite all of our planning and fretting. August is only a blink away and you will be on the path to your family. x


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## fairytales87

Melody: I hope your keeping well? Lots of luck for your scan tomorrow &#128522;

Any updates from everyone else?x


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks Fairytales87 xx
I was so nervous about the scan. I started spotting a couple of days ago so on top of the worrying I was already doing, that just pushed me over the edge.

But everything is ok! I saw my little bubba on the screen and all my worries melted away But then I saw ANOTHER little bubba hahaha.* I'm having twins!!!!!* Both are healthy and measuring well. But yeah. I'm baking two biscuits lol.

I'm off to Dominica tomorrow so won't be online much but I hope everyone else is doing well. I just couldn't leave without telling you guys my shocking news lol xxx


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## fairytales87

&#128551;&#128551;&#128551;&#128551;!!! &#128118;&#128118;!!! That's so awesome & I'm glad all is well with you & your two bubbas. Enjoy your time away and remember to get lots of rest & chill time xx


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## SpudsMama

Aaaaah twins!! So exciting Melody! :)


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## Keebs

Congratulations Melody, twins :happydance:

How do you feel? I remember my sister was devastated when she found out she was having twins. In floods of tears for weeks after, and yet she loved each of them and was fiercely protective even when sobbing in her coffee because there were two. Blames the hormones for all the conflicting emotions :haha: 

Have a super holiday :flower:


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## K.N

Omg i came on last night for your update melody - but being in - i was still to early; so just checked back now - omg twins!! Im so excited and happy for you; i cannot beleive two babies are growing in your belly! After we were all just talking about multiples too =

sooooo excited hun, a massive congrats x


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## Rags

Meloddy, how absolutely fantastic. I am so delighted for you, your life will never be the same again - in the very best way possible!
Have a fabulous holiday. Xx


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## Cinderella

Wow Melody! What amazing news! Have a fantastic holiday, what amazing news to take away with you! xx


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## fairytales87

Hey girlies

Just checking in!! Any updates?
I've got my bloods appt in July & my initial consultation one month
from today..excited yet nervous all at once x


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## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Hey girlies
> 
> Just checking in!! Any updates?
> I've got my bloods appt in July & my initial consultation one month
> from today..excited yet nervous all at once x

Time will fly by for you now. So pleased it's all beginning to happen for you and I'm so hopeful you have your bundle of joy early in 2016. 
These days whenever I refer to something I did in my past my DS asks if he was growing inside me at that point, if I say no, not then, he'll say - 'ah, I was an egg in you waiting for a man's seed' - that's what's happening for you right now, there's a wee egg in there just waiting for a man's seed to make it into your gorgeous child.


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## darkriver

Havent been on for months. Congrats Melody. I had to take a break due to being homeless, but I am back now.


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## shahmanish

hi Melodyy and Fairytales,

Congratulations...

I see you went through or planning for iui and IVF. I have been reading about side effects of this procedure and also side effects of medicines like clomid. Serious side effects like cancer , birth defects etc. ..

can you please tell what your fertility doc told you about these side effects.

pls share your views.



melodyy_mtb said:


> *Keebs* I know! Coming up to 7 now :happydance: I;m alright. I've been a bit quiet, as msot of my energy is going into constant worrying that my baby is ok/exists. Got my scan on Monday though, so I'll be able to sleep easy soon. How are you doing?? How far along are you? I can't see your ticker :(
> 
> *fairytales87* Well it sounds like everything has been progressing so quickly for you! i'm glad you got stuff sorted with your clinic. I understand August is a hard time for your family, but maybe it's time to make some good memories for that month. Good luck hun.


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## fairytales87

Welcome back Darkriver I'm sorry to hear about your tough
time hope all is well now?

I know your all probably busy & enjoying this lovely summer weather 
but it would be lovely to get some updates from everyone&#128522;

Update from me: I'm just 3 weeks away from my AMH test & 6weeks roughly from my initial consultation. I've planned & prepared as much as i possibly can just now&#128521;
I can't believe it's all happening so fast infact so fast that whilst I'm super excited to get this journey started I'm worried that something's been overlooked and it's all going to come to a halt, I'm also worried about all my screening tests 
that something is going to show up & I won't be able to do treatment
so yeah it's just a crazy coaster of mixed emotions and waiting for me&#128077;


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## darkriver

fairytales87 said:


> Welcome back Darkriver I'm sorry to hear about your tough
> time hope all is well now?
> 
> I know your all probably busy & enjoying this lovely summer weather
> but it would be lovely to get some updates from everyone&#128522;
> 
> Update from me: I'm just 3 weeks away from my AMH test & 6weeks roughly from my initial consultation. I've planned & prepared as much as i possibly can just now&#128521;
> I can't believe it's all happening so fast infact so fast that whilst I'm super excited to get this journey started I'm worried that something's been overlooked and it's all going to come to a halt, I'm also worried about all my screening tests
> that something is going to show up & I won't be able to do treatment
> so yeah it's just a crazy coaster of mixed emotions and waiting for me&#128077;

Yes settled and ready to go. Got an insemination booked for thursday. I have been tracking all that time as I am keen to go ahead


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies i'm back! :hi: I had the best time, 18 days of sun ,sea, and... coconuts lol. I was incredibly exhausted though. Coupled with the twins and the heat, I slept a hell of a lot. Sometimes going to bed at 7 :shy: But overall it was an amazing holiday. I have a doctors app tomorrow. I need to catch up what to do now that I have been released back to my gp. Hopefully I'll get another scan soon. The spotting stopped once I got to Dominica, but it started up again the day I left :wacko:

*fairytales87* Thank you! :hugs: I sure did get a lot of rest whilst I was away. I'm so excited for you though! It's all going ahead. I know it can make you anxious when things move so quickly, but everything happens when it is supposed to. I only walked in for my nurses appointment, and came out with my meds. I wasn't supposed to even begin IVF until July. So just trust that everything happens for a reason. The nurses are experienced with getting women through treatment quickly, so don't worry. You will be told exactly what to do every step of the way.

*Rags* Hehe thank you hun! I'm nervous but so excited. I just can't believe it. 

*SpudsMama* Thank you!!! I'm really happy. How's everything going with you and little sprinkle? Love the nickname by the way.

*Keebs* Thanks Keeeeebs :hugs: I'm feeling pretty good. I keep giggling to myself. I feel very protective over them already, and just cant wait to see what little characters they become,. I have a feeling they will be trouble. I'm sure a lot of women are overwhelmed with emotions when they find out they're expecting twins. I was in shock for a few weeks but i'm settling into the idea now. And how are you???

*K.N* Hahaha i know, it's a bit surreal. Thank you so much!!!!

*Cinderella*Thanks! Lol yeah finding out the day before i flew out was insane. But now that I've calmed down, I couldn't be happier lol. 

*darkriver* Thank you so much. So glad to have you back. You are such a strong person. Ready to start trying again! :hugs:

*shahmanish* Hi shahmanish. I didnt discuss any side effects like that with my doctor. I didnt take clomid either. It would probably be best for you to discuss this with your gp or fertility clinic. Sorry I couldnt help more.


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## fairytales87

Melody:Glad to hear you managed to relax whilst away
That's strange about the spotting maybe the babies didn't want to come back here to the cold & usual routine! Sounds like they are going to be keeping you on your toes right from the start&#128521; 
Can't believe your 10weeks already not long until
your 12week scan. I remember you starting sooner than you planned
I was trying to think of rough timelines so I could organise things at work
but I couldn't get my head to work it all out:haha:guess I will just need to be patient for now until I know what there plans are&#128522;


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## darkriver

Would love this to work. It would be a lovely early birthday present. I am anxious. Having to have insemination tonight and tomorrow as I hav contact with Lucys dad. I am in my fertile period at the moment so I am hopeful


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## Rags

Darkriver, got my fingers crossed for you. I hope you get a chance to relax a bit. Look forward to hear how you are doing in your tww


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## fairytales87

Good luck Dark river hope it's a quick 2ww & you get your bfp!!


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## darkriver

Just done my insemination again. Finally. Technically ovulate tomorrow. keep your fingers crossed and baby dust to you all.


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## melodyy_mtb

*fairytales87* Lol yeah maybe. The spotting stopped the day after I got back, but it started again last night, a bit heavier than before. I have a hospital appointment tomorrow morning so I'm not worrying. It'#s very common in early pregnancy, even more so if you've had ivf. My clinic gave me a time frame sheet, but that's for a short protocol. You should get something similar when you have your first appointment. You'll be able ot loosely plan things then.

*darkriver* Fingers crossed for you hun :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## darkriver

melodyy_mtb said:


> *fairytales87* Lol yeah maybe. The spotting stopped the day after I got back, but it started again last night, a bit heavier than before. I have a hospital appointment tomorrow morning so I'm not worrying. It'#s very common in early pregnancy, even more so if you've had ivf. My clinic gave me a time frame sheet, but that's for a short protocol. You should get something similar when you have your first appointment. You'll be able ot loosely plan things then.
> 
> *darkriver* Fingers crossed for you hun :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I hope it stops Melodyy


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## melodyy_mtb

Than you! Sprinkling some babydust on your belly.

:dust::dust::dust::dust:


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies, just a quick update.

Everything went well at the early pregnancy ward this morning. Both babies are fine, and big lol. One kept curling up into a ball so it was difficult to measure him/her. But everything looks good. They think the spotting is most probably being caused by tender tissue and (tmi lol). But all in all everything checked out fantastically. 

How's everyone else doing?


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## Rags

Meloddy that's brilliant to hear. So do they let you relax now for a wee while or will you be back and forward for scans etc because you have twins on board?


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## darkriver

I havent got a positive opk and have run out of tests. Bah. Its making me anxious. Melody glad there ok x


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## fairytales87

Oh no dark river I would be anxious too but hopefully timing is good & this is your cycle for a bfp

Melody: I'm so glad the babies are fine hope your keeping well too

Afm: I'm still playing the waiting game but on the upside
My mums coming round to the idea of everything we had a long discussion over lunch about everything treatment, how it works, my plans & even about once baby will be here & we even done a bit of baby window shopping when out for the day in town&#128522;

Hope everyone else is keeping well x


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## melodyy_mtb

*Update:* It all went downhill since my last post. The spotting turned into heavy bleeding with clots! You can imagine how frightened i was. Ended up being admitted into hospital for low iron levels as well as the bleeding. But after a suspiciously quick internal exam, the Dr deemed me fit enough to go home. Apparently my cervix is fully closed. He gave me the not so comforting "some women just bleed" speech again.

I have a scan on Friday. Things haven't gotten better, but im trying desperately to stay positive. 

*Rags* Thank you :) Back and forward for scans it looks like, especially with the bleeding. But with twins I get a midwife, consultant and have to still go to my GP.

*darkriver* Thank you hun. I hope you got a positive opk.

*fairytales87* Thank you. Aww that's great news about your mum! You really need that extra support when you're going through all this. I hope you don't have to wait too long.


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## fairytales87

Oh no melody&#128532; I hope Friday brings good news for you 
please take it as easy as you can plenty of rest x


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## Keebs

:hugs:*Melody*:hugs: How terrifying, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. Try and rest for now, you must be exhausted. 

Keeping everything crossed both your babies are waving gaily at you on Friday completely oblivious to the stress they are putting Mamma under :hugs:

Completely unrelated but one of the ladies I was bump buddies with previously bled profusely until 16 weeks or so, no cause found. Her wee girl is 2 weeks younger than mine and healthy as they come :flow:


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## darkriver

Yes I did on monday. Not sure if its too late well see.
 



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## darkriver

Its a clearblue ovulation. The left line is the test line.


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## melodyy_mtb

Thank you for all of your well wishes ladies. Unfortunately after an agonysing night in a&e, I found out that I have lost one of the twins. I am of course devastated, but I have to remember to look after myself, as one child still depends on me. 

*darkriver* That looks amazing. A very strong positive. I hope it was all timed wel.


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## darkriver

melodyy_mtb said:


> Thank you for all of your well wishes ladies. Unfortunately after an agonysing night in a&e, I found out that I have lost one of the twins. I am of course devastated, but I have to remember to look after myself, as one child still depends on me.
> 
> *darkriver* That looks amazing. A very strong positive. I hope it was all timed wel.

Oh hun sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## Keebs

Oh no *Melody* :hugs: :cry: I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you have one wee fighter who's doing well :flow: but cannot even imagine how you cope with the mix of emotions that must bring.

Thinking of you :hugs:


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## melodyy_mtb

Thank you both :hugs: It's hard. You want to cry and grieve but you have to be strong an carry on.


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## Keebs

You are strong hun and you will find a way to get through this :flow: I really hope you have/find the support you need to help you honour both your babies :hugs:


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## Rags

I have a tear in my eye for your lost little angel Meloddy, I'm so sorry for you. Your attitude is amazing though, you have a wonderful little bundle of joy still snuggled up in there patiently waiting for the day you will hug it and love it for the rest of its life. I so hope that everything settles down for you now.


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## InVivoVeritas

Melodyy, I'm so sorry to hear that :hugs:.

What a mess your head must be in, grieving for your lost little one and happy that you still have one little life snuggled safe in there. Remember to give yourself permisison to feel what you feel -- you don't have to be strong.

I hope the bleeding dies down and gives you some breathing space.


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## melodyy_mtb

Thank you ladies. Rags that's very sweet of you thank you xx

Vivo thank you. I really do just need to let myself feel whatever I want.

Today is a better day. I told myself I wouldn't cry. Let's see how that goes. Yesterday I heard that I had a 74% chance of losing a twin. Strangely that harsh statistic has made me feel a bit better. I even left the house to take out the rubbish lol. Sadly I'm not feeling that joy for my little fighter but I think im just so afraid of losing this one too, I don't want to let myself get too happy. 

Anyway let's talk about something else! How is everyone else doing?


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## Rags

Well Meloddy, on a different note - I'm at work on a 7 day stretch at the moment and my DS is having a ball without me!!! It's amazing to see him suddenly getting to a point where when going to bed a night he tells you 'his' list of plans for the next day (and you know he's actually arranged them). He's been arranging with his aunt to be collected in the morning and go to hers for breakfast before she takes him out swimming or picnicing. 
On another very pleasant note I've just had an email giving me an unexpected pay rise for the contract I working at the moment, it's enough to pay for the day trip to Lapland I've booked in December for us to go to see Santa - YIPEE!!!

Good luck today Meloddy. X


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## K.N

Aw Melody - hugs hun. Same as I commented on your blog - I can't imagine the feeling but we're all here for you xx

Rags - That's so cute about his little plans for the day!! Kind of reminds me of my 10yo nephews plans for xmas presents. He has autism, and takes lists quite seriously! He had on it one year - a rocket, a tea towel, and an army helicopter - not toy ones either - but personally; the tea towel had me laughing so much. Gotta love it hahaa. Definitely a character that boy.

Afm: Well I didnt seem fertile this month, and then i think i was - then i didnt think I was - so well i dont really know. My last couple of periods have been pretty on time - so fingers crossed my body is getting in "some" routine. I don't appear to be ovulating - but then being that my periods have been on time - i might be? It's so hard to tell though. I recently moved - so my internet hasn't been fully connected; but now it is - so I'm back to the internet world properly!


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## Rags

KN, lovely to have you back. Was it a big move? Are you close enough to still use the clinic you had planned to?
Fingers crossed that your regular period means you are ovulating, are you getting positive OPK's at all?
Your nephew sounds like a character - so many tea towels to choose from, was he specific?


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## darkriver

I am feeling a bit emotional. its to early for any symptoms but have been crying on and off and also my cervix is closed so feeling hopeful.


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## K.N

It wasnt too big a move - just across the city; so still close enough to access my fertility clinic. It has been a time consuming move though! Ive had my neice heaps lately - makes it hard; but im blessed to be able to look after her - shes 2 months old now; definitely good practice ^.^ - is hard though - as you can imagine! 
I cant believe november is so close now. Its scarily close. I told someone at work about it all - well as minimal details as possible. Just in case anything was to happen - id need someone to know what was going on. Such a big thing; coz ive told so few people hahaa. 

To answer you question rags - i seem to be getting positive opks right through my cycles - the only time i dont is when i have my period hahaa! So i dunno if thats why i get the ovulation symptoms; i dunno - is so hard to know - wish there was a device that WAS 100% positive :(
Hows everyone else doing??


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## fairytales87

Just a little post with lots of hugs prayers love & luck ladies
Hope we are all ok xxx


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## darkriver

So I came on late by 3 days and now have a positive opk on cycle day six. I am going to take another one at 3 to confirm. I really dont understand what is going on. I am guessing I will ovulate tomorrow.


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## K.N

How'd you get on with ovulation darkriver? :) - Fingers crossed it went? :)

Hope you are doing well also fairytails; anything new to report on for you? Or just the waiting game hahaa!

Afm; Well I'm doing alright I guess hahaa - still not pregnant; But I got my ivf consent forms and pre ivf blood test forms and all the little bits and bobs needed for treatment in november! Crazy how soon it is. Also managed to tell another of my bestfriends - who got super excited and started googling the cheapest place for me to buy pregnancy tests (bless her heart lol). Such a weight of my shoulders though her knowing! That makes 3 of my close friends, my mum & my workmate; slowely everyones finding out - which is cool; not so overwhelming hahaa.


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## fairytales87

Im on a similar time scale to yourself KN so kind of playing the waiting game but it doesn't seem to be bothering me this time 
it's almost feels like a diffrent kind of wait&#128521;

I had my first appointment last week with the nurse at the clinic and she was lovely very friendly and chatty & was interested in my journey so far and my decisions and advised me on what she thinks the consultant will advise me so that gave me a lot to think about over the last week

so now I'm awaiting for blood results then I see the consultant 
3 weeks today!!! then pre screens which I'm slightly scared of & all being well hopefully it will be consent forms & Ivf round 1(I would rather do Ivf than waste money on lots of unsuccessful IUI)I've chosen my donor via a new sperm bank in the uk & I'm hoping for Oct or Nov cycle but will just need to wait & see how things progress!

Right now my mind is leaping around as are my emotions I go from 
omg this is actually happening to oh no have I thought of everything & am I ready for this/ have I considered everything I need to but I remember feeling like this before and I know everything will work itself out in the end&#128522;
I can't believe your so close I'm so excited for you to start your road to your bfp!!


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## K.N

hahaa im the same - im fairly impatient and want it all to start - but at the same time; im also glad to have a bit more time to prepare! I know it may take more than 1 attempt and i dont want to get my hopes up 'too' much - but another 3 months till i start - then hopefully 9 months; isnt really all 'that' long now that i think about it hahaa. 

Am glad your appointment went well though - good that she was genuinly interested ae! Makes it all the much more bearable - than someone who is just doing their job. ooo so sounds like you 'may' be going alongside my timing also! Did you get to pick your sperm donor? Was it hard? I always wonder how that goes - coz ive just always had the one since day one lol.


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## fairytales87

Yes I got to choose my donor myself, it was quite a task 
& something I took a while to do!! I filtered my choices by a lot as I had a few things that were important qualities. I opted in the end to use a bank that doesn't offer a childhood picture or any pictures actually which surprised me but having a uk donor was so important to me. It's hard not to try and build a picture in your head of what you think they look like!
I also wouldn't say who I picked sounds anything like my choices in previous partners which surprised me a little too&#9786;&#65039;
It's strange because in choosing my donor I actually realised a lot about myself! 

I actually ended up confiding about my plans to another person in order to
get their opinion & in the end they also helped me make my final choice & they have been an incredible support since me telling them I'm so lucky


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## darkriver

I never got another positive. So think that I had a mini surge. I am going to start temping in the morning


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## fairytales87

dark river: I'm sorry your body isn't playing fair
Mine doesn't appear to be either!! This month may be my last
month the track O before any fertility treatment decisions
& I didn't get a +ve opk when I expected to!! So either I've missed it or I didn't O this month( I'm thinking it this) as Ive had No O symptoms at all!! Again this is why I'm not keen for IUI!!!


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies. Sorry I have been so quiet. You might have guessed but unfortunately I lost both babies last month. But I'm doing good, i promise. I'm very optimistic about the future.

Anyway just a quick post to say I'm thinking of you all, and i will read through stuff and reply properly soon.

<3 <3 <3


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## fairytales87

Melody your such an incredible person
I truly admire your strength lots of love hugs & prayers coming your way xx


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## darkriver

melodyy_mtb said:


> Hey ladies. Sorry I have been so quiet. You might have guessed but unfortunately I lost both babies last month. But I'm doing good, i promise. I'm very optimistic about the future.
> 
> Anyway just a quick post to say I'm thinking of you all, and i will read through stuff and reply properly soon.
> 
> <3 <3 <3

Aww hun I am so sorry x


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## Rags

Melodyy you are a wonderful women and you future is going to be wonderful. Rest well and look after yourself. Xx


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## Keebs

I am so sorry Melody :cry: and second what the other ladies have said. You are a remarkable woman, sending lots of love xxx


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## K.N

Just popping in to send hugs to all - and hope September hasn't been too crazy so far for you all xx


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## darkriver

How is everyone?


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## K.N

Not too bad darkriver myself - had my ivf appt and now have it all planned and scheduled! Getting nervous but pretty excited aswell! So many thoughts and emotions! - how you doing yourself???


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## Rags

K.N pleased to hear you have things arranged now. So looking forward to following your journey and to your success.


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## K.N

Rags said:


> K.N pleased to hear you have things arranged now. So looking forward to following your journey and to your success.

Thanks Rags :) - They were going to look into IUI but we decided it wasn't worth the risk; and with christmas coming up if it didn't work it'd mean I'd have to wait till Feb to try again :( :( I posted all about how my appt went over on my blog if you want to read at all :). 
It seems so real now! It's not far away at all! It is so crazy - I think I'm still in denial about how close it really is. I think after 2 1/2 years - to be only 2 months away from possibly being pregnant is a bit of a shock to the system!!


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## darkriver

Hi ladies has any one used the cyro sperm bank.


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## Rags

Darkriver, can't help you re. cryo sperm bank unfortunately. I'll be interested to hear what others might say though as a friend asked yesterday if I would mind talking to their single 40 year old friend as she has decided that her attempts to meet a partner while she can still have children aren't working and that maybe she will go down our route to motherhood. I've said I'd be delighted to talk with her so am now keenly interested in all of the possible options so that I can give her info on how I did it but also how other people have.


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## K.N

Not here in NZ about cryo banks sorry! We don't really have sperm banks per say - more just a clinic and that's that hahaha! - I told my mum I was starting IVF so soon. It was more accidental than planned - but I showed her the letter I was starting in Feb; I still want a surprise for xmas! So I won't tell her I'm starting next month unless I have too - If it is successful I want her xmas present to be a picture of the embryo and a scan if I can get one! So I want it to be a surprise - She was sooooo excited though! Planning what she can buy, and when it might be due and everything. Definitely reassured on her support hahaa!

I start the process this month! :O While the drugs arent till early november - i still start the blood test and final check process this month! crazy!


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## K.N

Also Rags - thats pretty cool that your friend asked if you'd share info etc with that lady; i think thats the toughest part of all this. you feel so alone; until you realise how many people are going straight through it all as well. My friend asked me a similar thing - about talking to one of her friends; not about solo motherhood; but just about the clinics and process over here. And her friend was over the moon with the info i was able to share with her - and couldnt say thankyou enough!


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## fairytales87

KN: I'm ever so excited for you hunnie I cannot wait to follow your treatment journey & see you get the bfp!!!
I love that your mum is so excited she sounds like she will 
make a fab grandma&#10084;&#65039;

Hope everyone else is doing great xxx


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## Rags

K.N said:


> Also Rags - thats pretty cool that your friend asked if you'd share info etc with that lady; i think thats the toughest part of all this. you feel so alone; until you realise how many people are going straight through it all as well. My friend asked me a similar thing - about talking to one of her friends; not about solo motherhood; but just about the clinics and process over here. And her friend was over the moon with the info i was able to share with her - and couldnt say thankyou enough!

 You are so right KN, it's amazing realising you're not the only one. I've had a couple of general clinic treatment conversations with another women - like you said, for her it was just nice to have someone understand the language she was using and the process she was going through without having to go in to every single detail. Good luck to you - I want to see that scan picture for Christmas too!


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## melodyy_mtb

Hello ladies, I'm back! It has been so fricken long, but I definitely needed the break. I know I have missed a lot, but I'll read through all the other posts slowly. It's all just a bit overwhelming getting back into the swing of things again.

All my love to you. I hope everyone is doing well xxx


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## fairytales87

Welcome back Melody&#128522;

Hope everyone is doing well any updates would be nice to read xx

I'm currently WTT with a rough date scheduled for Dec which is actually sooner than I thought. I'm nervous to try again but hoping it's my lucky cycle xx


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## darkriver

Hi ladies, no longer a solo mama for now. As I have met someone and we are giving a relationship ago. Was going to give a clinic a go but have decided not to.


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## fairytales87

Congrats Dark river I hope all goes well for you xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks *fairytales87*. I'm glad to see how your journey is progressing again. Good luck with December, that's going to come round quicker than a blink of an eye!

Aww congrats *darkriver*. I really hope your new relationship works out :hugs:

***I'm currently on day 7 of my stims (day 8 of my cycle). I've got 16 follicles on my left, and 14 on my right. Feeling exceptionally bloated. Egg collection should go ahead next week!


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## Keebs

Hi girls :wave: so excited to see you guys back here :flower:

Congratulations on your new relationship *Darkriver*, hope it all works out for you :flow:

*KN* Hard to believe you are so close to your IVF, really not long to go now :happydance: Had a quick read of your blog and it all looks very positive (apart from risk of ohss obviously). Interesting about the antibiotics for urea-plasma, never heard about that before... you really do learn something new every day. Keeping everything crossed for you :dust:

*Fairytales87* An unexpected chance to ttc is always welcome. It's irrational but I always feel those unexpected moments are that bit luckier :haha: Hope this is your lucky cycle :flower:

*Melody* :hugs: Lovely to see you back and ready to try again. This must be such an emotional time for you, hoping you get your keeping baby/babies this time round :dust: :flower:


Eeeeeek, all 3 of you could be pregnant by Christmas, how brilliant is that! A festive flurry of solo mums babies in the making :cloud9:


As for me, things are flying along. 32 weeks already :wacko: and aside from a bit of nausea and tiredness having another really easy pregnancy. Hopefully that will translate into another really easy birth too :haha:


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## K.N

Melody: So glad you're back hun <3 - And of course praying and hoping for some sticky bean(s) for you! Fingers crossed for a good egg collection! Just out of interest - what is the "normal" amount of follicles to form? Or is it all dependent on people??

Darkriver: Aw nice; congrats! All the best :hugs:

Keebs: Thanks for the well wishes! Am hoping it goes well - not long now; getting so nervous :O Not long till your wee one is out!! 

Fairytales: woohoooo - december isnt far away! Praying for your xmas wish xx

Afm; As mentioned before getting super nervous! Not long now!! Am a bit stuck on one thing though - My nurse has booked a blood test for me on the 28th and drug collection on the 2nd november to see when im going to get my period; so they know if one is coming naturally or if i need to take progesterone to bring it on in time for the drugs. BUT I actually "appeared" to ovulate this month - well i got all the symptoms anyway. Which should mean my period is due on the 28th. I don't want my period to come; and me not have the drugs on hand to begin and have to wait a whole nother month for it. 
So I'm thinking if i ring her on the 25th or 26th and ask if i can book the collection earlier, and maybe start the drugs late october rather than early november. Or if i should just ring her on the 28th and say whether i got my period or not - and just wait for the next period to come around. But I just dunno how it all works! Typical my period is now due on the one day that i need it to NOT be due!!


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## melodyy_mtb

*Keebs* Hello my angel! :hugs: Wow 32 weeks! Man how time flies. You're so lucky to be having another easy pregnancy. I really hope the birth is just as quick and easy. I'm so excited for you :happydance:. It has been a long journey, which I am so grateful to have been able to follow. My own journey has been emotional, and it continues to be, but you always put a smile on my fac,e and fil me with such hope. So thank you! :kiss:

*K.N* It feels good to be back. I missed ya :hugs: Thanks so much hun! From what I remember, the average amount of eggs is 7/8, however that tends to be a lot more with us pcos ladies. They collected 15 eggs from me last time :o 

Eeeeek I'm getting anxious for you. Puts me back to that first time excitement. I have absolutely everything crossed for you hun. I would call your clinic before the 28th to let them know that you think your period is going to start on that date. I got my meds for this cycle ages before my period started. Like you, I didn't want to get caught out. Why wait another month! :happydance:

*AFM* I'm on day 9 of my injections and still feeling really really fat lol. My follicles are growing nicely. Most of them are 13/14 mm, and im trying to get to 18. My nurse thinks i'll be going in for collection next Wednesday. I'm beginning to get excited, but it's still overshadowed by nerves and worry.


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## Christie2011

Totally new to this thread (I think). But solo mom by choice of two. One via IVF, using donor sperm, and one through adoption. Currently 13 weeks pregnant with twins from a FET.

KN I would absolutely call up and discuss dates. I had ordered my meds for my fresh IVF cycle a month before retrieval. With my FET this time I was sure CD1 was going to be on July 4th so I wanted to make sure my nurse was not going to be on vacation, so I talked to her the week before.


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## Cinderella

I hope everyone is well, it's been a while since I popped in! 
Originally planning to use Cryos bank, i had a surprise house move that cost me a few thousand so thought I might have to put TTC on hold even further which was devastating. As a last ditch attempt I went on a few free donor sperm Facebook groups and miraculously found a donor! 
He's produced a few (beautiful) babies before so I know he's got good swimmers and he's more than willing to produce as and when I need so things are looking up! I think I'm going to miss Novembers cycle but December is definitely going ahead and I'll be due to test Chrustmas day so I'm crossing my fingers for a Christmas miracle!
I do hope everyone is doing ok, good luck Melody for this next IVF round &#10084;&#65039;


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## Rags

Cinderella - So pleased to hear this, what a fantastic way things are working out for you - new home and lots of new possibilities. So hope to hear from you on Christmas day. X


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## K.N

Christie: Welcome hun :hugs: - That's so cool that you are a smbc to two - soon to be four little babies! :) I look forward to your pregnancy and baby journey! :)

Melody: Praying that things are going well for you and those little eggs are developing well in their little dishes <3

Cinderella: Like Rags - praying you get your xmas miracle; I'll be on here xmas day hopefully seeing how those two little lines. So glad you found a donor - isnt it funny the way things work out though? :)

AFM: Only a few days left now - Am going to ring my doctor first thing monday morning when it'll be the 26th and see what they say about whether I'm going to be able to collect my drugs early or whether I'll have to wait. I remembered at my appt they were seeming quite strict on the november aspect. 
Just wondering - if and of you ladies know; But can you take provera/pregesterone straight after a period?? Do you guys think if i have to wait i could suggest just taking provera - which would make my period start around the 8th November maybe. So instead of IVF starting on the 28th november - it'll start on the 9th maybe. Which isn't entirely bad I guess. They've given me a prescription for those drugs; being that my cycles can never be predicted. But i just know murphys law that this one is going to come on that date lol. PCOS sucks haha!


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Heeeey ladies :hugs:

*Christie2011* Welcome! Or welcome back lol. My brain is like a sieve, so unfortunately couldn't tell you if you have posted before or not, but you're here now. I really really hope you enjoy yourself here. Congrats on your successful FET transfer! Twins! Wow, you're in for a wild ride. I must ask though... how on Earth do you do it?! Two little munchkins, two on the way. You're basically superwoman x

*Cinderella* Thanks hun. Isn't it crazy how things just work out. Sometimes you have to stop all the stressing and just put all your worries into the universe's hands. What will be, will be. So happy you've found a good donor, who has had previous successes. Wishing you all the luck in the world for your upcoming try! :happydance:

*K.N* Thank you hun! Not long for you at all!!! I'm so excited for you, i can't stop smiling! I hope it all goes well. Feel free to ask me anything. I'm not an IVF veteran, but my experience is still fresh in my head, so I'll tell you anything i do know :hugs:

*...and me* I am currently 0DP5DT. Basically I had my embryo transfer today! :happydance: Things have been a bit rocky up until this point. My egg collection was horrific. The actual procedure went perfectly, but I was in agony afterwards, and basically spent 5 days in bed. They collected 20 eggs!!! I then had to be put on some really trippy (and expensive) medication to prevent ohss, because if i got it, they would have cancelled the cycle :cry: 

The meds have left me really weak. I've fallen over twice already :haha: I've also been really depressed and anxious, which are other side effects of the drug. But i took my last pill last night, so good riddance! It did the job though, as there's no sign of ohss, and the transfer went ahead! I also got 6 really good quality eggs to freeze! :happydance: ... and now begins the 2ww :coffee:


----------



## K.N

o0oo that's awesome Melody about having six left to freeze also! Did they do a single embryo transfer - or a double?? :) The long, long two week wait! 

- My body solved my trouble of whether to call early or not. Was going to phone yesterday - but in the middle of the night; guess what ugly witch showed her face a few days early -.-' Now I just have to hope that it's safe to take progesterone straight after a period! Otherwise my ticker changes from a couple days to another couple weeks :(


----------



## fairytales87

Although I'm not posting much as I've had a lot of big changes going on
here & my heads all over the place I'm still reading & thinking if you all 
Lots of Love Luck & BFP dust girls&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;


----------



## K.N

Thanks ok fairytales - hope everything is going ok though, even while its going crazy for you :)

Have started provera now - first day of it was thursday, so only on day 3. Have any of you got any experience on it? - i know its just a progesterone make type thing but my pharmacist was no help at all! Maybe im just "looking" for something hahaa!

Hope everything is going well! Hope your bean is sticky melody!


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*K.N* Thank you hun! i notice I'm very cautious this cycle, playing it down quite a lot. I know deep down I'm excited, but it is just being overshadowed by nerves at the moment. 

So you've started the Provera, yaay! :happydance: I'm on cyclogest which is a form of progesterone, and both this time and the last it affected me quite a bit. Nothing scary, just extreme exhaustion, and very emotional. Last cycle i had really sore boobs too. But i find that hormonal meds affect me quite quickly and strongly, so if you don't get any side effects, please dont think that it's not working. I hardly had any pregnancy symptoms and i was carrying twins! Everyone's different.

*fairytales87* We're all thinking of you. Sometimes life takes us away from the forum for a while, but we're always here ready with a virtual hug when you get back. :hugs:

*AFM* I'm 6DP5DT, so I had my transfer 6 days ago. I caved and started testing on Friday :haha: Understandably all tests were negative, but this morning after being woken by some shooting pain in my womb, and yet another nightmare (I remember getting horrendous nightmares for weeks last cycle) i tested again, and got a very very very very (almost invisible lol) line. So.... yeah... I'll keep you posted :wacko:


----------



## SpudsMama

Ooo exciting Melody!! :) 

I haven't been posting in here recently but have been keeping up with reading the thread. Good luck to everyone waiting to try soon!!


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## K.N

Melody: Yay for a good embryo transfer! - Definitely keep us posted; my fingers and toes are all crossed for you :) 

Spudsmama: Welcome back in here :) - Glad to see your pregnancy ticker; ticking along nicely! A little boy on the way then? x


----------



## Cinderella

Good luck Melody! I have everything crossed and will keep you in my prayers! 

AFM - It's SO difficult pinning down ovulation. Agh!


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## Christie2011

Cinderella said:


> Good luck Melody! I have everything crossed and will keep you in my prayers!
> 
> AFM - It's SO difficult pinning down ovulation. Agh!

True that! Even with all the tracking apps out there. I was religious about taking my temp, tracking CM and cervix opening and it was never accurate for me. That's why I just jumped right to IVF, no missing ovulation with that method.


----------



## Keebs

Hi ladies hope everyone is well.

*Melody* Thinking of you lots just now, did you test again? Really hope this is your rainbow :hugs: I believe pregnancy after a loss is a whole different level of stress and worry, hope you are managing to find some joy amidst all the madness hun. After all you have been through you surely deserve it :flower: Keeping everything crossable crossed for you!

*KN* Wow, I know we haven't chatted much but I am quite excited to see you have started your journey at last. So grateful to you for starting this thread :flower: Lots of luck, hope all goes well and you are growing a baby by the end of this cycle :happydance:

*fairytales* :hugs:

*Christie* Hello :wave: and congratulations, hope pregnancy is treating you well. Would love to follow your journey :flower:

*Cinderella* Eurgh, I well remember the frustrations of trying to plan around an uncertain event. Honestly, the whole process sent me a little doolally I think. Hope your body plays nicely and we get to see a Christmas bfp from you :dust:


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## Christie2011

Here are 6w, 8w and 12w scans. In the 12 week scan the baby on the left decided to only show it's head when it came to picture time. I did briefly get to see the heartbeat before it turned. And at one point I could clearly see the spinal column and all the vertebrae of the one on the right. I didn't do any first trimester screening. I will do the anatomy scan, if I remember to make the apt. It isn't until 20 weeks, so I have time.

Been really nauseous this time around. With my first I wasn't nauseous at all. I'm hoping the end is near for that. At least it's not bad enough for me to be throwing up, but it just sits with me all day ugh.
 



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## melodyy_mtb

*SpudsMama* It's been a while hasnt it! I'm so happy to see that your pregnancy is progressing nicely. A little boy, i cant believe it. how perfect :hugs:

*K.N* Thank yoooou! I'm beginning to allow myself to get a bit excited lol. It's so weird being consumed by both joy and fear. How are things going with you? You must be finishing your progesterone soon! :happydance:

*Cinderella* Thank you hun! I'm loving all these good wishes. Aww I know how you feel. I once took a 2 month break just because ovulation tracking was doing my head in! It'll be worth it in the end though. Good luck :dust:

*Keebs* :hugs::happydance::hugs: Thank you so much. My anxiety is beginning to lighten up. I have been testing like a mad woman hahaha. The line is still there, however faint. I hope you're doing alright. Not long to go now :kiss:

*Christie2011* I hope the nausea eases up. x

*AFM* I am 10DP5DT. My official test date is tomorrow! :O Buuuut as you know, I have been peeing on things practically since I left the clinic lol. My ultra faint line has disappeared occasionally, depending on what time of the day it is and the type of test I'm using. I even managed to flood a FRER by peeing too much on it :haha:

Anyway, I tested again last night and the line is still there. It is also getting darker, but very very slowly. I'm assuming that that the line was ultra strong last time due to the fact I was pregnant with twins. 


Spoiler



So I guess I'm pregnant lol. Will keep you all updated. I hope everyone else is doing well. I'm thinking of you all, especially those who are not currently able to try or who are taking a break from the board. <3


----------



## K.N

Christie: Aw so exciting. Hopefully the nausea eases up - I remember my friend saying the nausea was actually worse than the throwing up!

Keebs: Hahaa that's ok! I'm definitely hoping to be growing a little bean by next month! :D - Hope everything is going well with you x

Cinderella: Yes ovulation tracking can be surprisingly such a gruelling thing! So much more goes into it than people think hahaa! - Hopefully your body behaves when you do start ttc and makes it a lot easier for you! :) 

Melody: Oh I have all my fingers and toes crossed still for you! That is definitely a second line on that test in the photo!! Twin pregnancies definitely result in a much darker and earlier second line; but that line is pretty clear still too for this early!

AFM: Nearing the end of my progesterone - two days left to go now; then the wait begins for the withdrawl bleed! I've had the weirdest discharge though (tmi coming hahaha) - it started out just thick and white; which i just assumed was normal - but yesterday it was still really thick but was brown. That kind of worried me a bit at first - but now im just guessing the progesterone is somehow forcing my body to clear out the uterus completely? I never ever have a 'good' period - yet at every scan there is a decent lining - so i wonder if theres a back log of stuff in there to clear out maybe :O So gross. But nothing more today anyway - so didnt bother ringing my clinic to ask about it; am sure with 2 days to go they'd just say continue for the 2 days and then wait. Which I'm doing anyway. (Being a girl can be so gross at times hahaa.)


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Thank you :) The test line is definitely getting darker. It's almost the same as the control line now. :happydance: I bought 3 tests last night hahaha. So I guess I'm pregnant. I'm still incredibly anxious, but I'm begging to laugh and smile more. I now just have to try to stay sane until my 7 week scan at the end of the month :wacko:

How are things progressing with you? You've finished your progesterone now. Any PMS?


----------



## Cinderella

Congrats Melody! I'm so pleased for you, sending you some serious sticky bean vibes!

Christie, they're some beautiful looking babies! 

KN, did everything go ok? 

Sorry, I'm so bad at replying to everyone, I worry I'm going to get everyone confused with where they're at in the process :wacko:

AFM: I'm like the most stereotypical AI lady ever, I have the donor on standby, soft cups, preseed, OPKs, cheap pregnancy tests... just hoping it works now. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that it's not likely to work first time but there's that little voice saying that this could be it and I could be pregnant by Christmas, don't know how i'll cope if it's BFN, I don't think I'm cut out for this! You're all a lot stronger than me. :flower:


----------



## Rags

Delighted for you Meloddy, sending you lots of sticky bean glue and my best and happiest thoughts to speed you through the next 9 months.


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## K.N

I'm still waiting on my period to start so that I can start my cycle :( - My body hates me, its official. Can't even trick it into thinking its normal hahaha! So at the moment, things are still at a standstill for me.

Cinderella: I don't know so much "strong" being the word hahaa! But you do definitely get the whole auto thought of am i pregnant, has it worked; but i guess when it didnt - it was kind of always half expected for me; so i never really got let down ALL that much, and luckily it was just onto the next cycle and so-forth. Am very hopeful that your road is a smooth and easy one though! BFP for xmas would be perfect!

Am hoping that everyone else is doing ok - and that those with beans are doing well, and the beans are behaving; and those that are ttc are also doing well and holding strong; buut also that those who are waiting to ttc have everything falling into place soon as it needs too so you can start trying soon enough xx


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## melodyy_mtb

*Cinderella* Thank you so much! :hugs: And shhh you are a lioness! Never forget that. Everything that you are feeling is completely normal. I remember being exactly the same when I first started AI. You have as good as a chance as anyone ttc so the first time could be your only time! Good luck :happydance:

*Rags* Thank you Rags! It is dragging a bit, but im going to try to enjoy every moment of it. :kiss:

*K.N* I swear 90% of ttc is waiting, waiting to ovulate, waiting to stim, waiting to test haha. Stick in there. You'll be injecting yourself full of drugs in no time:hugs:. Try drinking some parsley tea :haha: 

*AFM* It is beginning to sink in now. I'm pregnant! Can't believe I have been lucky enough to fall pregnant again. I'm so nervous this time round. Cant even bring myself to change my status on here lol. Just taking each day as it comes. I'm beginning to feel those little flutters you get in the early stages. The pulling and the bubbly feeling. I also did a digital test which really made it official. So yup, I'm 5w2d :blush:


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## fairytales87

KN: I'm ever so excited it's finally IVF time for you 
lots of luck & got everything crossed this will be your cycle&#128522;
For the one & only time I hope AF hurrys up for you!!!

Melody: Huge congratulations sweetie xxx

Hope everyone else is well xx


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## K.N

What does parsley tea do Melody?? I'm willing to try everything hahaa - do you think it'd be safe taking when ive already taken provera? Might have to research into it hahaa.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww thanks *fairytales87* :hugs: Hope you're alright x

Look it up, just in case, i'm no doctor lol. But it is literally putting a bunch of fresh parsley in hot water and letting it steep for a few minutes before drinking it. It's an old wives tale and tastes disgusting :wacko: haha But after a 75 day cycle i tried it, and i got a bleed within a few days. I was also taking a large amount of vitamin c as well lol (google that one too). I hope the witch comes quickly!!! :witch:


----------



## K.N

Hahaa - still no sign of af for me :( - had blood tests to see where things are at, coz it shouldve been here by now. Had those 2 days ago - the nurse said my oestrogen was flat low so it means af shooouuuld have arrived soon after. But 2 days later still no sign! Hahaa getting impatient - i just wanna start lol!

Hope everyone is going well xx


----------



## darkriver

Oh congrats melody, just popping on to see how you ladies are :)


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## Cinderella

Ahhh, so, I'm out for a while :cry: 

I had a medication review with my GP yesterday and mentioned that I wanted to taper down on some of my meds as I was hoping to become pregnant and she just shot me down right away. She said I should wait until I was stable on my meds, and then I'd have to see an obstetrician and gynaecologist to see if it was even safe for me to carry a child, and then if I did become pregnant, I'd have to have consultant care.... blah blah blah... 

I have a genetic condition which effects my collagen and it can cause quite a lot of problems throughout pregnancy and labour - so I had expected to be under consultant care but I thought that would all happen afterwards, once I was pregnant. I feel a bit stupid really that I hadn't spoken to my GP earlier. It's likely to be early next year before she even refers me to the specialists. I'm just, gutted. I don't even feel like I can speak to my donor right now and tell him that we're not going through with it for a while just incase he changes his mind. I was so close to getting started. :cry:


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## K.N

Aw cinderella :hugs: - that seriously sucks :'( 
Are you able to conceive via ai though? - or do you have to go through ivf etc? - that sucks that they cant just let you get pregnant and then organise the care etc when the time comes.

:hugs:


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## fairytales87

Hi Girlies

I contacted my chosen clinic start of Nov
to book in a test to allow me to choose book & start my
treatment package I got no reply and asked again to book it in 
& was told by the co ordinator she had spoken to the clinic & to leave it with her and she would chase it up but I've not heard anything
That's been a week now & I've no clue what's happening!!
Would you contact them again? I know a week doesn't sound long but normally they are quick to reply when it's something that the money is coming out the patients pocket! I've not been 100% happy with this clinic so far & the no reply is putting me off even more.


Cinderella I'm sorry I know how it feels to be so close
then have it pushed back big hugs xx

KN: I hope AF has now showed for you &
You've been able to get started?xx


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## K.N

I would definitely call back - With my treatment luckily they always book on the spot, but if they haven't yet called back - you could always try give them a call and just say if they have any idea of when it will be and what waits you're potentially looking at? But would definitely ring back - don't feel bad :) It's their job, and you're their potential client so they need to do their job :) :)

Afm - Nope; no flow yet hahaa. It's been 4 days since they told me my oestrogen was low and it should be here soon. But still not here! Althouuugh - I did have some discharge this morning; which was more like ewcm laced with red, and the same again tonight. I know it's not full flow - because it just doesn't look like anything ive ever had before. So I'm HOPING it means af is on her way; but if not - im also not hoping that was it haha... It definitely wasnt much :(


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## melodyy_mtb

Thanks *darkriver*. Hope you're doing well too x

*Cinderella* I'm so sorry to hear that. You must be distraught. It's terrible when you have your heart set on having a child, but then your plans changed. But I guess it is for the best. You need to be as healthy as you can be so no harm comes to you or your child. I'm sure your donor will understand. My old donor is still available if ever i wanted to try ai again. Time will go quicker than you think, and we will all be here to support you in the meantime. Maybe get a second opinion in the new year. :hugs:


----------



## fairytales87

Melody: How are you keeping?

All our other pregnant mamas I hope yous are well?

KN: How are things going for you?

AUFM: I'm still playing the waiting game after getting in contact with the clinic a few weeks ago about starting my pre treatment tests and choosing my plan for this round I still hadn't heard so I contacted yet again the other day and got passed from person to person & nobody seemed to have any idea. I looked into another clinic but they have 2 doctors 1 who is the lady from my current clinic & the other I work for so it's either stay here & try to find trust in them which I'm struggling to do or go to the clinic I had my first IUI & pay a fortune. On Monday I had a major bitch/crying fit to my bestfriend at work as I'd been on the Labour shift all weekend I felt terrible for feeling jealous & my two bestfriends have both had babies in the last 2 weeks & I can't bring myself to visit I feel really bad I'm happy for them both but can't get over this horrible jealous feeling.
Please tell me yous have felt like this too?xx


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## K.N

Oh fairytales - thats so bad of your clinic!! :O :O i cant beleive theyd be like that. Surely any medical clinic - especially a fertility one should show compassion and care. :'( i hope they get their butts sorted soon!
As for the friends - you are definitely 100% not alone. That is how ive been feeling lately - my good friend announced pregnancy after a mere 3 months of trying (baby #4), my work mate announced totally unplanned pregnancy at 17, and just now another close friend announced it too. All in the same week - all due when i should have been due had i started.ivf when i was meant too. While i am so happy for them - ive not yet been able to muster the congrats. Im so so jealous for them also. I know its not their fault my ovaries are messed up. But just to accidentally get pregnant etc. Gah. Life is so unfair for us &#128557;&#128557; so no, you are definitely not alone - but at least we all understand each other here! Hahaa!!

Hope everyone else is going well!! How are you going melody? Is the anxiety easing? Not that we celebrate it in new zealand - but hope everyone who does celebrate it has a.good thanksgiving!


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## melodyy_mtb

They sound a bit incompetent *fairytales87* It really gets to me when things like this happen. You're not calling to book cinema tickets or something like that, they are dealing with creating life. They need to get their act together. I hope you can build up the trust you need with the hospital you work for. It would make life a lot easier. And don't beat yourself up for not feeling like visiting your friends. Most women who are struggling to conceive will tell you that they have felt exactly the same at one point. :hugs: I'm doing ok. Things are moving quickly :wacko:

*K.N* The anxiety is very minimal thank goodness. I've been meditating like a maniac and lighting a million candles every time i get in haha. How are you though?? Any sign of the witch?

*Quick update* I'm 7w1d. Feeling very sick, which im hoping is a good sign. I have my first scan on Monday so all my focus in on that and also trying not to focus on that lol. I think I'll finally update my status on here after Monday lol. I hope everyone else is doing well. *Keebs *only 10 days to go!!!


----------



## fairytales87

KN: How are things going for you?

Melody: I hope your scan went well & your feeling a little less sick

All our other ladies: Hope your all well & all is going good for you xx

I STILL haven't been booked in with the clinic yet and through out this last few weeks I got 1 reply to say they were speaking to the doctor & would be in touch & still nothing & I don't want to be "that patient" the one that constantly asks the one that's constantly on the phone etc. So looks like I will need to move clinics as I guess you get the service you pay for.

The clinic I want to consider now is one which a doctor I work for (NHS during the day) does their private work at night in so I don't know if she would be allowed/willing to treat me but I'm willing to ask and see because the only other doctor there is the one who I currently have at my clinic now(she works in 2 clinics)& im just not happy with her & do not want to be treated with her. If I cannot be treated by the doctor I want then I will pay the expensive clinic near me even if it is almost 7k per cycle I know you get excellent care & they have the best success rates in the area!!


----------



## Rags

Fairytales, I'm so sorry to hear that you are being mucked about - that's just not on. Have you spoken directly to the clinic manager? I wouldn't worry about being 'that patient' I'd be more inclined to ask the manager if there are any issues with waiting time at the clinic that you weren't aware of so that you can plan around them. That way they know that you're not overly happy with the service without sounding as though it's a complaint - may be enough to make them sit up and take notice. I probably would stay with them while at the same time looking at a consultation at least with the other clinic, they may get there backsides in gear and get going with your treatment before you start with the other. Good luck.


----------



## K.N

Aw Fairytales - definitely sounds like a new clinic is on the cards then! That sucks though how they have been about it all :( If you do end up changing - I would definitely be asking to speak to someone higher up at the clinic where you can share your "not good enough" feedback for them. Because it's definitely not fair at all how much they've mucked around.

I still haven't started anything - and unfortunately my cycle and hormones are that awoll atm that I now can't start again until after the 29th; because they don't want me caught up over christmas :( So guttered!! And praying like heck that on the 29th; I have low oestrogen! IF I do, I can start the jabs then. If not - we have to figure out a way that my body will allow it to come down :(


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## fairytales87

Awww KN that sucks that you'll need to wait!
I hope your body starts playing nice!! I will keep everything 
crossed for you xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey *fairytales87* I'm feeling much better thanks. I've found that if i constantly eat small meals throughout the day, I dont get sick. Im sorry to hear of all the trouble your having with these clinics. Researching fertility places is so exhausting and emotionally draining. I was the same though. I ended up going for a more expensive clinic, just for peace of mind. I hope you get the ball rolling soon :hugs:

*K.N* That provera really messed you up didn't it? I'm so sorry :( Sadly it's the kind of thing that can happen to us pcos ladies. Im crossing everything i have that things settle down on the 29th. Hurry up womb!!!

*Keebs* Is it your due date yet?!!! I'm sure it's stupidly close, like 2 days?! Eeeeeeek I'm so excited!!! :happydance:

*AFM* My scan went really well. My little blob is doing good. I got to see the heartbeat and blood circulating, which just made me breath a massive sigh of relief. I had a bit of a delayed reaction a few days later though. Started crying like a maniac, thinking about the twins. I think the whole scan thing and seeing the excitement on my mum's face just brought it all back. I'm alright now though. Thankful for this second chance. I was already bleeding by now last time, so hopefully this ones a keeper.


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## fairytales87

Melody I'm glad to hear all is going well for you so far xx


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## Rags

Melody, my mums advice to me was to make a flask of tea before going to bed so that I could have a warm drink before I moved in the morning. I also kept a supply of small frozen meals so that I could eat within a couple of minutes of being hungry as I wouldn't want to eat but would become instintly ravenous and feel really ill if I didn't eat immediately.


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## melodyy_mtb

That's a really good idea Rags. I'm going to try it. I love tea. I think making small meals will help too, but im just so lazy haha.


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## fairytales87

Hope everyone is well&#55357;&#56842;
Any updates?

Aufm: No December cycle start from me as not only am I STILL waiting on 
my clinic I'm now waiting on a reply to the email I sent to the unit manager as well as word on treatment:growlmad:
But in addition to this the :witch: has not arrived she dropped all her usual warning signs and even a day of light spotting but that was it!


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## melodyy_mtb

Nothing much to report here. I'm 10W1D today. My first midwife appointment is next week. I'm just trying to make it to 12 weeks, then I can relax. I feel like every week i need t make it to something else... and then i can relax lol. I don't think I'll ever be anxiety free haha. 

You really are being messed about by these clinics aren't you? Oh hun, do you have another clinic you were thinking of using? Maybe this is a sign to go with a different place. I hope it all works out for you soon! <3

I hope everyone else is doing well. If we don't speak again before the new year, have a wonderful Christmas! xx


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## darkriver

*Knocks quietly*
Can I come back in please. My relationship disolved into shreds and I am back at plan A. I am going to wait a while though due to everything that has happened. I am looking to do AI in June but want to save some money and lose weight.


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## fairytales87

Wow Melody 10wks already that's went so fast! Well to is anyway maybe not for you lol good luck for your first midwife appt
Hope you have a good Xmas/new year too

Dark river: Welcome back aboard our wee thread 
I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out for you&#128532;
I too have been there and came back to the thread recently & I'm currently wtt
too so if you need to chat shout rant vent etc just send me a message:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## darkriver

Thank you. Its been horrible recently. Very traumatised and struggling so want to wait as the stress wont help. Also was on the mini pill and ovulated yesterday so just waiting for my first AF. I have already saving up.


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## K.N

Just popping in to say Merry Christmas to you all!! It's been Christmas here in NZ for 12 hours now nearly! :O All the presents have been opened, the Christmas Turkey and Ham are cooked and served and now I'm just going to have a relaxing day with my Mum and younger siblings :)
All my other family live about 7 hours away - so I won't see them until mid January probably. 

All fertility, pregnancy and infertility aside - I hope and wish everyone has a joyful Christmas and New Years - stick your feet up, relax and enjoy the festive season
xxxx


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## Rags

A wonderful Christmas to you all. I'm in the middle of the boxing day tidy up, thought I'd kept on top of it all yesterday but I'm still finding wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere! I was thinking of you all yesterday and hoping that this next year leads you all to a child mad Christmas very soon - it is all so worth it when you get there. About to switch on the candy floss maker now and have a sweet and sticky afternoon. Much fun to you all.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hello ladies, I hope you're all enjoying the holidays! :xmas3:

*darkriver* So glad to have you back hun, but wish it was under better circumstances. These things happen sadly. We are all doing this on our own, but life still happens, and people come into our lives without us planning it. I myself have had 3 failed relationships since I started ttc as a single person lol. But I think failed is a harsh word. I consider them all positive experiences, no matter what happened. The good thing is i was able to be honest with my exes from the beginning, letting them know that I'm ttc and they will just have to fit around that. Thankfully all were ok with it. Things just ended for other reasons. Never let anyone deter you from your dream. If they care for you enough, they will support you fully. :hugs:

*fairytales87* It actually has gone quickly for me too! i think because I'm trying not to focus all my attention on my pregnancy this time round. My appointment went well. My midwife is lovely. How are you? Where are you at with everything?

*K.N* Sounds like you had a wonderful Christmas. Hope you carry on the festivities through to the new year :kiss:

*Rags* Hehehe sounds like you had a busy, fun Christmas. Love candy floss! Aww you're very sweet. Hopefully we will all get there in the end. Have a wonderful New Year :hugs:

*Update* Had my mw appointment. She was really lovely but pissed me off a bit because she booked me in 30 minutes before the place closed knowing full well that the initial appointment takes an hour! So everything was rushed. She just asked me my weight and height without actually checking. But the good news is that my BMI is ok and the fact this is a singleton pregnancy means I can go for a mw center birth or even a home birth. 

Oh and the biggest news is that on the 21st of December I found my baby's heartbeat with my doppler!!!! :happydance: I was absolutely blown away. The best sound in the world. I recorded it and sent it to my mum who started crying lol. So that's it. I'm 12 weeks tomorrow. The time has really flown. Getting to this point has been really important to me because I lost the twins at 12 weeks. But i have had no bleeding or pain. Things are going well <3


----------



## darkriver

Thanks Melody. I was crushed but I was always honest with my ex that he was plan b (which sounds awful) and hated that he made me wait. I was willing to as I was bit scared but see the break down as a sign that it was meant to be this way.

Congrats on hearing your babys heartbeat.:happydance:


----------



## fairytales87

Oh Melody how amazing&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;
It must of been such a beautiful moment for you!!


Where am I at?? That's a good question life's 
rather busy with my career and other goings on that
I'm trying to fit and plan ttc stuff in :wacko::wacko:
I've stayed at my clinic whilst visiting the new one I want to go to 
The new one was incredible it was like night & day the difference so
Helpful and friendly really wanted to know me and my journey to here they provided me with info for their donors European sperm bank access to the extra info for free and if I want I can use the London bank(my original plan which may have changed as I like the extra info from European sperm bank!!)
I truly believe they will do what's needed to help me become a mum not just rob me of my money that said it would be a one shot & done here money wise so my heads buzzing with questions and choices!

KN: where are you at my lovely? Hope all is good?

Anyone else around?

Hope you all and a great Xmas and here's to a fabulous 2016&#128536;


----------



## darkriver

fairytales87 said:


> Oh Melody how amazing&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;
> It must of been such a beautiful moment for you!!
> 
> 
> Where am I at?? That's a good question life's
> rather busy with my career and other goings on that
> I'm trying to fit and plan ttc stuff in :wacko::wacko:
> I've stayed at my clinic whilst visiting the new one I want to go to
> The new one was incredible it was like night & day the difference so
> Helpful and friendly really wanted to know me and my journey to here they provided me with info for their donors European sperm bank access to the extra info for free and if I want I can use the London bank(my original plan which may have changed as I like the extra info from European sperm bank!!)
> I truly believe they will do what's needed to help me become a mum not just rob me of my money that said it would be a one shot & done here money wise so my heads buzzing with questions and choices!
> 
> KN: where are you at my lovely? Hope all is good?
> 
> Anyone else around?
> 
> Hope you all and a great Xmas and here's to a fabulous 2016&#128536;

Hi fairytales I am here.


----------



## darkriver

Its pretty tough weighing up options isnt it?


----------



## Christie2011

I've been lurking, but not much going on. Twins hit the 23 week mark today. So far so good, at least healthwise with them. Insurance and the OB practice being up front about cost of things not so much.

After my first visit with the MW (practice is a mix of Drs and MW, I see both), I was mailed a breakdown of what they figured my costs would be, according to my insurance coverage. This piece of paper says that sonograms were covered after a $20 copay. Which I would have been very happy with. After the 2nd trimester scan, I got a bill for over $800. Not happy with that. Especially since they want a scan every 3-4 weeks and then every week after 32 weeks. No way I'm paying $800 each time for that.

I call up my insurance company and they told me the scans would be considered a lab thing and so after I reach my deductible (which for this year is $2,000) then I would still be held accountable for 20% of the cost. I have a different type of plan next year with only a $250 deductible, but they still only cover 80%. Better, but so not what I was expecting.

In two weeks I have my GD test and they'll check my iron levels. I needed iron supplements with my son, so I told them I assume I'll need them again and wanted to find out sooner rather than later. They decided to test me early, which suits me fine.


----------



## darkriver

I am so glad that I live in the UK. We dont have to worry about it at the moment.


----------



## Cinderella

Hello ladies, how is everyone? Hope you all had a lovely holiday period. I live with my sister and her two children, so it was hectic but really lovely. The whole family came over for the day itself and as the only single, childless person there, I got volunteered to be head chef and cooked Christmas dinner for 11 people. Kept me busy at least! 

*Melody* Happy 12 weeks!!! I'm so happy for you, I hope you can really start to enjoy the pregnancy now and feel a little less anxious. 

AFM: I'm over my upset at having to delay everything. I think it might be because it's the new year, but I just feel confident that I can say that I'm going to get pregnant in 2016, it just makes it feel a bit more real. 

I've decided to look for a new donor. The one I had was lovely, but the more I get to know him, the more I can see that he's helped a lot of ladies and sees it as some sort of badge of honour that he has a lot of babies out there, it just feels a little irresponsible to me so I'm hoping to find someone else. I've had lots of interest in my profile and a lot of messages, just weeding through them now, getting rid of the creeps!


----------



## darkriver

Cinderella said:


> Hello ladies, how is everyone? Hope you all had a lovely holiday period. I live with my sister and her two children, so it was hectic but really lovely. The whole family came over for the day itself and as the only single, childless person there, I got volunteered to be head chef and cooked Christmas dinner for 11 people. Kept me busy at least!
> 
> *Melody* Happy 12 weeks!!! I'm so happy for you, I hope you can really start to enjoy the pregnancy now and feel a little less anxious.
> 
> AFM: I'm over my upset at having to delay everything. I think it might be because it's the new year, but I just feel confident that I can say that I'm going to get pregnant in 2016, it just makes it feel a bit more real.
> 
> I've decided to look for a new donor. The one I had was lovely, but the more I get to know him, the more I can see that he's helped a lot of ladies and sees it as some sort of badge of honour that he has a lot of babies out there, it just feels a little irresponsible to me so I'm hoping to find someone else. I've had lots of interest in my profile and a lot of messages, just weeding through them now, getting rid of the creeps!

I wonder if we were going for the same donor? I also changed my mind as I didnt want my kid to have a million siblings.


----------



## Keebs

Just popping by to wish everyone a Happy New Year, hope 2016 is the year all our dreams come true :flower:

I had my baby, she's almost 4 weeks now, time is flying by. I don't feel like I am done having babies yet but sadly I cannot afford any more so that's it for me unless circumstances change.

Apologies for the lack of individualised comments but I hope everyone manages to sort out their donor issues (so important to have someone you are comfortable with), clinic issues, and unruly ovary issues :flower:

Melody, congratulations on passing the 12 week milestone. I too hope you are able to relax a little and enjoy your pregnancy :hugs: Such a lovely story about finding baby's heartbeat and your Mum... glad you have someone to share these magical moments with. 

(PS I can definitely recommend a homebirth if that's what you want :thumbup:)


----------



## Rags

Keebs, big congratulations on your daughter, and well done you managing a home birth.

A very happy new year to everyone.


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## fairytales87

Nice to see a few faces popping back in!!

Congrats Keebs on the birth of your daughter&#10084;&#65039;

Melody I hope your 12wk scan goes great

I'm hopefully going for 1 round of medicated IuI 
very soon to allow them to see how my body goes with the drugs dosages & at least get them half correct before Ivf the IuI may work but I'm not getting my hopes up just focusing on that its just a trial to see how l react to the drugs they use here at this clinic xx


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*fairytales87* Yeah it was :blush: Got my scan next week so fx. That new clinic sounds amazing. Patient care makes all the difference! Hopefully you'll start soon! x

*Christie2011* 23 weeks, wow, it's all moving along so quickly. Those costs sound dire, hope you manage to make sense of it all eventually. 

*Cinderella* Aww thanks. Yeah im quite relaxed these days. Good on you for choosing a new donor, you have to be comfortable. That's the most important thing. I know all these set backs must get you down but nothing done right was done quickly. The most important things take time :hugs:

*Keeeeeeebs* Can't believe she's 4 weeks old already. Time flies too quickly. Awww preciuos little Morven :kiss: Hahaha yeah my mum is a big softie bless her. I'm feeling so much more at ease these days thank goodness. Might have to pick your brain about a home birth :winkwink: :kiss::kiss::kiss:

*Update* I hit 13 weeks yesterday. I can't believe it. I finally started taking bump pics, although it's still just fat, no bump yet :laugh2: Got my dating scan next Wednesday. I'm a tad nervous about that, but my doppler has eased a lot of my anxiety. I'm definitely feeling pulling, stretching, bubbling down there. Oh and i have the worst gas hahaha. I'm still very tetchy, and easily annoyed, but I started a yoga class yesterday (got the go ahead from the mw) and I can honestly say it is the best decision ever! I feel soooooo relaxed.


----------



## darkriver

Go melody:happydance:
So pleased for you hunni x


----------



## K.N

Keebs: wow - 4 weeks by already!! Hope she is a good wee newborn for you - guess birth went well if you managed a home birth! Go you - and a big congrats!!

Melody: I'm so excited for when you reach each new milestone! It's so cool that you have managed to find the heartbeat! I really want to buy a doppler myself. 13 weeks have flown by so quick.

Cinderella: That sucks hun :( Best to go with your gut instinct definitely - but it does make it hard i know! It's definitely the kind of thing that you have to be 100% ok and confident in your decision through! :hugs:

Fairytales: I am so glad that the second clinic is much better! Sounds like the total opposite of the first! And it sounds like they didnt muck around too much either which is good! - Even if the IUI does turn out to be a bit of a trial; its good they are putting plans in place etc for a hopefully successful IVF cycle!

AFM: The 29th came, and i got told my progesterone and oestrogen are too high to begin ivf yet. Got told to wait a week - and that the dr was sure a period would come in that time. Which it didnt - meaning its been nearly 4 months without one. So anyway I had another blood test - my levels were so high still and now they want me to take provera.. AGAIN. So another 10 days to wait. I am positive my clinics favourite word is "wait" - all my patience has gone now lol. I'm tired of waiting for a period to start and having to have a blood test every week - just to tell me to wait longer for a period. I know its part of it. But my god its driving me insane lol. I just want to get started!


----------



## darkriver

I am just waiting to ovulate. I am doing more excercise and not missing my vitamins. Pleased hurry ovulation.


----------



## K.N

Fingers crossed darkriver!!!


----------



## fairytales87

KN: I hope the provera does its job this time & you can getting moving along to the next stage & hopefully a bfp!!!

Melody: I smile everytime you post about reaching another milestone 
Can't wait to hear all about your scan!

Dark river: I hope things are going well for you

I'm patiently well not really as I don't to patiently waiting&#128514;&#128514; for Feb for my appointment to check my tubes are clear to proceed to iui!! I had this done at the other clinic but this new clinic uses a diff technique so would prefer all my test be done by them which I'm happy to do!
Little interesting fact the head doc at this new clinic was involved with the first ivf long protocol adaption to allow it to be individulsied x


----------



## darkriver

I think I have a dodgy thermometer. Not getting widely accurate temps.


----------



## K.N

I will try duck back in properly tonight - but in the meantime I thought I'd quickly update you all - So I was on provera as you know; for the second time round to bring on a period. Typically; I was smack bang in the middle of the provera when a period came! WEIRD!
Anyway - after ringing my doctor, we determined it was a cycle beginning not a side effect and I was given the ok to call it cycle day one. Fast forward a few hours and I have to have one last scan to see if I've developed any more cysts or nasties near my ovaries before my first jab! :) - Safe to say no new nasties and no funky uterus; so tonight begins my first injection! :D :D


----------



## fairytales87

KN that's fantastic news!!!!
I'm so excited for you I hope it's a smooth journey for you now & its first time lucky for you!!!! Lots of Love Luck & bfp dust&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;Xx


----------



## Rags

KN Very excited that you've got to this point at last. I know it's been a long slog for you, I've everything crossed that it all works first time around.


----------



## K.N

Hope everyone is doing on here :) :)


Just giving u all a wee update. Im on day 8 of the drugs now. All is going well - had a scan today to see how my follicles are going; theyre going good but growing slowely - so i will continue drugs for 2 more days and have another scan. My doctor thinks ill be ready for egg collection on the weekend! - fingers crossed they grow nicely! :)


----------



## Rags

K.N said:


> Hope everyone is doing on here :) :)
> 
> 
> Just giving u all a wee update. Im on day 8 of the drugs now. All is going well - had a scan today to see how my follicles are going; theyre going good but growing slowely - so i will continue drugs for 2 more days and have another scan. My doctor thinks ill be ready for egg collection on the weekend! - fingers crossed they grow nicely! :)

Slow and steady follies aren't a bad thing KN, they've been sitting there waiting for this your whole life, now is their moment and they are savoring it! 
When I tried for number 2 my follies bloomed quickly with very little stimulation - only to pop early every time at about 16mm (a good 2mm smaller than they were trying to get them to). Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Xx


----------



## darkriver

Temping hasnt gone well this month and am now into the tww but not clear when. My monitor gave me highs all month and still did this morning. So hopefully in two weeks I can test.


----------



## Christie2011

darkriver said:


> Temping hasnt gone well this month and am now into the tww but not clear when. My monitor gave me highs all month and still did this morning. So hopefully in two weeks I can test.

I feel like temping never worked for me. I ended up relying on OPKs, not that that method worked for me either, which is why I skipped to IVF.


----------



## K.N

That's true Rags! - What is the normal size for egg collection? 18mm? They still have a while to grow then, if they go slow and steady that's better than not at all I guess!! 

Darkriver - aw, fingers crossed! I always found temping didn't work for me either - opks, charting and cervical mucus always helped me. Not as reliable - especially with pcos but i just found it easier. I also had one of those saliva ovulation tests also that fern when the hormone is detected. Do they have those where you are??


----------



## fairytales87

KN: Day 8 already!!! I hope those follies grow as they are doing 
Slow & steady is better than nothing my lovely
Hope collection goes smoothly for you and you get good results
Are you doing eeva?

Christie: I hope your keeping well?

Dark river: Im just like the other girls I didn't find it worked well for me 
I usually go by EWCM pain & OPKS(these are hit & miss sometimes too)
Goodluck I hope it's not a long 2ww for you!

Melody: I hope all is well&#128536;

I have my scan through for late February 
So all being well March/April will be a good timing 
providing my cycles play nice!!!


----------



## K.N

Haha fairytails i had to google what eeva was! - i dont think so :). As far as im aware here standard protocole is just to fertilise all eggs and pick the strongest grade and thats what goes in :) - unless there is a need for genetic testing and so forth they tend to stay clear from all the extras. As far as im aware anyway :)


----------



## Christie2011

fairytales87 said:


> Christie: I hope your keeping well?
> l be a good timing
> providing my cycles play nice!!!

Just playing the waiting game over here. The twins get a growth scan next Friday. By then we'll have entered the 3rd trimester. Feeling decent, no nausea anymore, though the awful after taste is coming back. Get out of breath easily now.

I have loads of braxton hicks, but nothing to cause any alarm. Both my boys are about half potty trained, so I may not have 4 in diapers by the time the girls get here.


----------



## darkriver

not sure what dpo I am. FF gave me 5 dpo with opks but 2 dpo with cross hairs just temping so havent got a clue.


----------



## K.N

Its hard isnt it darkriver :( - when u have no idea where in your cycle you are. Makes it tricky to pinpoint days and know when af will be due etc.
All the best though :hugs:

Fairytails - march april isnt that far away!! Lets hope your cycle plays nice!!

Party in my scan room today with all the nurses etc hahaa. Ivf has made my dignity a think of the past!!
Egg collection is booked for sunday; but im not too excited. Today is my last puregon injection - and my biggest follicle measured only 17mm. And that was only one. There was another at 15mm. But all the others were still sitting at about 10mm and there are quite a few that size. I am excited to be at this stage already - my ivf cycle is nearly over now! It almost seems a shame hahaa! My doctors are so nice! But im scared with only 2 half decent sized follicles that the results wont be too good :( :(. Positive thinking is harder than ever!


----------



## Rags

KN, yes, they normally aim for 18mm but one of the nurses told me she had come across someone else who's follies only ever made it to 16, with my Ds I was not being scanned or stimulated so I can only guess this is maybe my norm . You've got 3 more days, lots of time for some of the wee ones to catch up a bit. I'm having a mini party on your behalf! Have a wonderful weekend I hope.


----------



## fairytales87

Goodluck KN 
Hope egg collection goes well xx


----------



## darkriver

Dont want to get my hopes up to much but think this might be my month... Got what looks like a faint bfp.


----------



## Rags

Oh Darkriver, got everything crossed for you, hope you line just keeps getting darker. X


----------



## K.N

Egg collection went well :) - the sedatives didnt work so i got double dosage hahaa. They said they got 9 eggs - so i will get a call in the morning to say whether all 9 were mature or not and whether they were all fertilised or not. Not much pain at all really. So far anway hahaha. We will see what tomorrow brings! :) 

Darkriver - oh how cool - i know what u mean about not wanting to get hopes up; but all my fingers and toes are crossed for you! :)


----------



## darkriver

I think it might have been one of those evil indents. Took one this morning bfn.


----------



## K.N

darkriver said:


> I think it might have been one of those evil indents. Took one this morning bfn.

:nope::nope::hugs:


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey girlies :hi:. It's been a little while. A lot as been going on pregnancy-wise. I officially entered my second trimester two/three weeks ago and reached 16 weeks yesterday! Crazy! I'm still in shock. Got a proper little belly now. A mixture of a bump and just fat lol, but it's beginning to look cute. My dating scan went really well. The baby would not stop moving haha, and i got some lovely pictures. My 16 week midwife appointment also went great. The baby kicked the midwife :haha: I didn't feel it, but she picked it up on the monitor. That's about it. I'm feeling good, less tire,d no nausea, still crying aaaaall the time though, but it's so ridiculous it makes me laugh.

*KN* Congratulations on your successful egg collection!!! :happydance: Cant wait to hear about those little embies. Good luck for your transfer!!! :kiss:

*fairytales87* Good luck with your appointment in February hun. That's so awesome that your doctor was one the people involved in the first ever long protocol adaption. Definitely a good sign. :thumbup:

*darkriver* Temping can be so confusing and stressful. OPKs tend to be the way to go. Well done for sticking in there! I'm sorry you got a dodgy pg test, but it's still arly days. I hve everything crossed for you this month :hugs:


----------



## K.N

Just a little update - they put a single embryo back in (apparently really good quality) on friday - so 3 days ago now. Not too long to wait to see if it worked or not. Fingers crossed!

Have had a bit of cramping off and on which isnt fun - not sure if this is normal, but hopefully it doesnt mean anything bad. Its not enough to take panadol or anything - but is jusg enough to cause discomfort.


----------



## darkriver

Period arrived today. Oddly okay with it. Wont be able to do the next insemination until March which I am not okay with as I wanted a break with as that is the anniversary of when I lost my baby. Sigh. However I dont want to wait until April.


----------



## Christie2011

K.N said:


> Just a little update - they put a single embryo back in (apparently really good quality) on friday - so 3 days ago now. Not too long to wait to see if it worked or not. Fingers crossed!
> 
> Have had a bit of cramping off and on which isnt fun - not sure if this is normal, but hopefully it doesnt mean anything bad. Its not enough to take panadol or anything - but is jusg enough to cause discomfort.

Cramping can be a good sign. I had cramping for a week with this pregnancy and a little with my first. Both time I assume it was due to implantation. Good luck!


----------



## K.N

Feeling scared tonight :( - 5 days last transfer. 4 days till testing. So implantation should have already occured - but tonight I noticed pinkish discharge on my liner instead of just the normal progesterone ick. Sooooo now I'm freaking out :/. Ive been so sick on and off today and yesterday. So now Im freaking out :( :( - i hope it doesnt mean bad things :(.


----------



## fairytales87

KN: I can't say if it's anything or not but I really hope it's just a one off & you get bfp come testing day!!
Maybe you could ring the clinic for some reassurance?
Big huggles sweetie xxx


----------



## Christie2011

K.N said:


> Feeling scared tonight :( - 5 days last transfer. 4 days till testing. So implantation should have already occured - but tonight I noticed pinkish discharge on my liner instead of just the normal progesterone ick. Sooooo now I'm freaking out :/. Ive been so sick on and off today and yesterday. So now Im freaking out :( :( - i hope it doesnt mean bad things :(.

As long as it's not full flow, your still in. I had implantation bleeding with both my pregnancies. First one was early bleeding and only a touch. With this one is was around 6 weeks and was more, but only when I wiped overnight and was gone in the morning.


----------



## K.N

Darkriver - sorry af came :( - you can just see how you feel come march, you might feel ok with trying in march - or march might come and you be ok to wait till april. Hopefully either of those months bring you good news!

Afm: feeling a bit better and relaxd today. The spotting went away and never got darker. Evryone keeps saying it could be normal so i am just trying to stay chill. I didnt end up ringing the clinic. I figure if its good theyll tell me.to ignore it, if its bad theres nothing they can do. So i guess its just a wait and see thing! :/.


----------



## darkriver

K.N said:


> Darkriver - sorry af came :( - you can just see how you feel come march, you might feel ok with trying in march - or march might come and you be ok to wait till april. Hopefully either of those months bring you good news!
> 
> Afm: feeling a bit better and relaxd today. The spotting went away and never got darker. Evryone keeps saying it could be normal so i am just trying to stay chill. I didnt end up ringing the clinic. I figure if its good theyll tell me.to ignore it, if its bad theres nothing they can do. So i guess its just a wait and see thing! :/.

Fingers crossed that it was just implantation. I have decided to go a head with March. I am still temping and tracking.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Good luck for Sunday *K.N!* I've already bombarded you with a barrage of "keep calms" and random information on your blog lol so I wont repeat myself but eeeeeeeeek 3 days!!! :happydance:

So sorry it didn't work this time round *darkriver* It's perfectly understandable if you decide that inseminating is too much for you next month and take a little break. I was trying AI for 2 years and took a 3 month break in between sue to stress. Good luck with your next cycle!


----------



## K.N

I agree melody - i too tried ai for 2 1/2ish years and had to have a couple of breaks coz it can be so overwhelming!!

Afm i took a hpt this morning. Negative. But im wondering if implantation occured on wednesday when i got the pink spotting then the levels will be way too low to detect. But then it could als just be negative and that it hasnt implanted at all! The suspense is killing me. I wish I knew already so i know to be sad or happy; not just inbetween hahaha.


----------



## darkriver

to be honest I am seriously contemplating IVF. I am going to see how things go


----------



## K.N

Okaaaayyyy. Think Im definitely out this time. More bleeding tonight - and bright red this time too. Not just pink anymore :(


----------



## fairytales87

Oh KN I sure hope your right about implantation just being on wed
Lots of love strength & hugs for the next few days&#10084;&#65039;:hugs:


----------



## darkriver

Hugs hun.


----------



## K.N

Yet another bfn for me :( - youd think after 3 years it would be a normal thing. Buuut this is just so hard! Realistically you know a 50/50 chance is still low and that ivf still has low odds. But it just seems so invincible at the same time! I wasnt shocked to get the call back. I expected it. But it doesn't make it any easier.

So anyway what next - well she said to expect an email sometime over the next week for a follow up appointment; and a plan for "what next" - i got 5 good embryos frozen this round, so itll just be a fet next time. It is just about waiting for my body to get back to its "post ivf drug" state and ready for another cycle. No 2 year wait again (thankgod!). Trying to stay positive that maybe a second go will work better.


----------



## darkriver

K.N said:


> Yet another bfn for me :( - youd think after 3 years it would be a normal thing. Buuut this is just so hard! Realistically you know a 50/50 chance is still low and that ivf still has low odds. But it just seems so invincible at the same time! I wasnt shocked to get the call back. I expected it. But it doesn't make it any easier.
> 
> So anyway what next - well she said to expect an email sometime over the next week for a follow up appointment; and a plan for "what next" - i got 5 good embryos frozen this round, so itll just be a fet next time. It is just about waiting for my body to get back to its "post ivf drug" state and ready for another cycle. No 2 year wait again (thankgod!). Trying to stay positive that maybe a second go will work better.

Hugs hun xx


----------



## Rags

K.N and Darkriver - big hugs to you both. You will both get there, I am certain of it. I know that it can be difficult at times to keep the energy up for all of this, wish I could package some up and send it to you. Get a good rest over the next few weeks. Xx


----------



## darkriver

I just dislike when people tell me to relax and take it easy. You miss your window its another month of waiting.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*K.N* It is so devastating to get a knock back like this. But this fight is worth fighting. You have 5 healthy eggs! You are in a great position even though it doesn't seem like it right now. The fet will be less stressful to your body. Im so so sorry KN but keep fighting. You WILL get there xxxx


----------



## K.N

Thanks guys - you're all truely the best &#55357;&#56856;


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## Oxygen7880

Hello ladies. I posted a while back. I'm a solo mummy to a little girl conceived via donor sperm. My girl is 2 now and I am so broody for another. My circumstances aren't ideal, in that I'm not in employment. But I am taking steps to gain qualifications and experience in order to better my chances. Hopefully my qualifications will aid in me getting a job that I enjoy and fits around child care. Anyway since I'm now 37 I have decided that it's now or never. I have spoken to my donor and we have agreed to start trying in June/July. I'm excited and scared.


----------



## darkriver

Oxygen7880 said:


> Hello ladies. I posted a while back. I'm a solo mummy to a little girl conceived via donor sperm. My girl is 2 now and I am so broody for another. My circumstances aren't ideal, in that I'm not in employment. But I am taking steps to gain qualifications and experience in order to better my chances. Hopefully my qualifications will aid in me getting a job that I enjoy and fits around child care. Anyway since I'm now 37 I have decided that it's now or never. I have spoken to my donor and we have agreed to start trying in June/July. I'm excited and scared.

Hi how exciting good luck, My circumstances arent ideal but I have health problems.


----------



## Oxygen7880

Thanks darkriver. I hope your health problems get sorted and you can start ttc. I see from your sig that you have a daughter too :)


----------



## fairytales87

Hey Girlies:hi::hi:

Hope you are all well?
Any updates?

AUFM: I am waiting to have my scan in April but in the meantime I have decided to apply for my first IVF round to start in May I know it's not necessary to do the scan I'm going for to begin IVF but I just want to be sure everything is ok in there and no cysts or infections etc and a nice safe environment for a baby. Safe to say I'm excited and nervous all at once!


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## darkriver

In my tww wait. Having some interesting symptoms but there easily confused with others.


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## Christie2011

I'm at 31 weeks now. Had a growth scan today and it showed the twins doing well at 3lbs 15oz and 4lbs 3 oz. Very uncomfortable anymore. Once 37 weeks hit, I'll be so ready for these two to come out. I really hope they come out before they reach 8lbs each (the size of my DS @40+3).


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## fairytales87

Goodluck Darkriver I hope you get your bfp!!!!

Wow Christie 31weeks & good weights too sorry your getting uncomfortable now hopefully not too much longer to go 
Do you know the babies genders?


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## Christie2011

Both girls. I'm sad because of the pain I'm having I keep having to tell my 2 year old I can't pick him up. I hope the next month goes by quickly. Then it'll just be a couple more weeks.


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## darkriver

I am pregnant:happydance: 9dpo
 



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## Christie2011

darkriver said:


> I am pregnant:happydance: 9dpo

YAY! Awesome news!


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## darkriver

Thank you.


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## Rags

darkriver said:


> I am pregnant:happydance: 9dpo

Brilliant, delighted for you. Enjoy. Xx


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## fairytales87

Awww congrats Hun xx


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## InVivoVeritas

So pleased for you, congratulations!!


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## Oxygen7880

Congratulations :)


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## darkriver

Got a positive on a digital this morning:thumbup:


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies! Been a little while so bare with me. I have been really busy. Started a business course and driving lessons. So when I'm not doing either of those, I'm sleeping.

It's Mother's Day over here in the UK so I just wanted to say Happy Mother's day to ALL of you! Whether you have children, are pregnant, or are fighting the battle against infertility (which you will win), we are all mother's in our hearts. <3 <3 <3

*darkriver* CONGRATULATIONS!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: So happy for you. You must be on cloud 9. I swear you was ready to write this cycle off lol, and look, what a wonderful surprise! x

*Oxygen7880* Welcome back. It's so awesome to have smbc's (single mother by choice) here. It always shows the rest of us what we have to look forward to. Good luck with your try for second this summer. 

*fairytales87* IVF in May! :O That's awesome news. :thumbup:

*Christie2011* Congrats on hitting 31 weeks.

*As for me...* I hit 21 weeks on Wednesday, which was also the day of my anomaly scan. Everything looked good with the baby (brain, limbs etc). I also got to find out the sex. And...

*I'M HAVING A BOY!​*

I felt I was having a boy from the very beginning, so it wasn't a surprise as such, but it was lovely and magical to have it actually affirmed. My mum was completely shocked. She was adamant I was having a girl. She's happy but I know she's mourning all the silly dresses and hairstyles she was planning. lol

The scan was hilarious though. He kept his back to us the whole time (did this last time). The sonographer couldn't measure his heart so made me jump up and down and walk up/down flights of stairs. He still didn't budge. Just yawned and turned away again. He also had his hands over his face the whole time so no pictures :(. I have to back next week, which I don't mind at all. Any excuse to see him again. I just hope he isn't shy this time lol.


----------



## darkriver

Yay Melody. I wasnt going to do this month. Mainly because its two years since I lost my baby, but I feel this is my rainbow. Lucy refused to play ball for the scans to.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

*BandB keeps messing up my post, I hope you can all work out what order everything should be in. *



darkriver said:


> Yay Melody. I wasnt going to do this month. Mainly because its two years since I lost my baby, but I feel this is my rainbow. Lucy refused to play ball for the scans to.

Of course :( Well I'm sure your little one spread a little extra baby dust for you this cycle. 

She did? Ok I'm glad it's normal then. He was curled up in a little ball obviously just trying to sleep. He only turned around to show off his willy, then went back to sleep. :haha:


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## darkriver

:haha::haha:
Yeah we had to have a heart scan but Lucy kept her arms on her chest. :haha::haha::haha:


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## melodyy_mtb

darkriver said:


> :haha::haha:
> Yeah we had to have a heart scan but Lucy kept her arms on her chest. :haha::haha::haha:

Hahahaha it's like they know what's going on.


----------



## SpudsMama

Congrats dark river :)

Melody, that has me slightly freaked... I had a dream last night that you posted saying you were having a boy. WEIRD! :shock: Team :blue: is the best, the clothes are ridiculously cute :haha:


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## Christie2011

The last time Twin B showed her face was week 18 and it was a full frontal, so no nice profile. Ive had two scans since and she is always facing backwards. In two weeks they start getting weekly scans, but I'm assuming I won't see her face until I'm holding her in my arms.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

SpudsMama said:


> Congrats dark river :)
> 
> Melody, that has me slightly freaked... I had a dream last night that you posted saying you were having a boy. WEIRD! :shock: Team :blue: is the best, the clothes are ridiculously cute :haha:

Omg isn't that weird! You must be psychic hehe. I know, i keep looking at these little sweat pants and hoodies. I dont even like that stuff but it looks so cute in a tiny size.

I see congratulations is in order for you too. Can't believe you're beautiful boy is here already! It feels like just yesterday you was taking a break from ttc for a bit, then POOF! You have a little boy awww. Well done hun xx :hugs: XX


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## K.N

Am home now! After a well enjoyed holiday - it seems some congrats are in order! I havent caught up properly. But a huge congrats to you Darkriver - annnd congrats on your little team blue melody!!


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## Christie2011

They were asking a bunch of questions while hooking monitors up yesterday. Some of my favorite were:
how did you get here? -I drove....Yourself? -yes (not like I was in labor, just needed to make sure nothing was wrong)
Who's your support person?-depends how much warning I get. If my parents have time to drive 7 hours here, then my sister.
do you have help at home? I plan on having a nanny watch the kids while im at work otherwise no.

They didn't really seem to like any of my responses. Like its impossible to give birth on your own or to raise kids on your own.

've jad some extreme swelling lately and due to my 'advanced ' maternal age and twins they sent me to labor and delivery Friday for monitoring. Since my blood pressure was low and the babies were doing good they ruled out pre-e. But my protien levels were high enough that they wanted me to do a 24 hour urine collect to get a more accurate count. If it comes back high then they will monitor my bp more closely.


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## darkriver

Hugs how scary. One day when they ask how I got there I am going to say I walked :haha::haha: just to see there face.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hello ladies :hugs: 

How is everyone? I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but it is spring in the UK and in Berkshire it has been particularly sunny (in between the hardcore rain and hail showers :wacko:). So I've been waking up really smiley and happy. Baby-wise everything is good. I had my 25 week appointment which was fine except i'm measuring a bit big, so we may have a bulky baby on the way God help me lol.

Anyway I hope you are all ok. I'm always thinking of you even if i dont post a lot. I hope any ttc plans are going well or at least heading in the right direction. It will happen! xx


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## darkriver

I am pretty exhausted. This early stage is killing me but I know it will be worth it when my little wriggler is in my arms.


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## Rags

Spring has hit in Scotland too! Yipee. We're just back from the park and settling in for the evening. DS finishes school for spring holiday tomorrow - unfortunately I am working every day now until the 12th so will miss a fare bit of his time off, although I'm off the last few days. He'll have a great time with his uncle and will fail to tell me about it when I get in, bit like school days really. All good.

Spring really brings such positivity doesn't it, hoping you are all cuddling your own bundles of joy by the next one. Xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Darkriver - Aww yeah it really takes it out of you. I just slept for the first 4 months lol. I hope it eases up for you x

Rags - Oh yeah the kids are on their spring break. Aww bet your little one is super happy. It's a shame you have to work, but as long as he has fun. I do agree about spring. I feel like I've got this renewed zest for life.x


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## melodyy_mtb

Just popping my head in to say hello. :wave: 

Spring really is here. The weather is (mostly) lovely here in England. Hope it is wherever you are. I'm doing well. 7 months today! Still can't believe how fast things are going :wacko:

How are you ladies doing? Any updates with your ttc plans?


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## Rags

7 months already, how amazing. The next couple of months will fly by, enjoy. Xx


----------



## boopin4baby

Melodyy I just viewed your blog and wanted to say that your son is absolutely adorable!! Those 4D scans are amazing... I'm in ahhh right now. He's such a cutie!! Congratulations on making 7 months!! Wishing you all the best!! :hugs:


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## darkriver

Well I am 11 weeks and find pregnancy a little hard because I am tired. Congrats on your LB.


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## Christie2011

My girls arrived a week ago. I had planned on doing an induction, but when I got there, I was barely dilated and only 50% effaced. I was ready to NOT be in labor for a day+, so the doctor offered an elective c-section since baby B was nearly a pound bigger it made her more comfortable in preventing any complications and it would mean I wouldn't have to wait any longer to meet my girls.

I was also in great discomfort due to LOADS of swelling, which got worse after delivery and I'm just now seeing decrease. I've lost 40 lbs in the last week and still have swelling.

Anyway, baby girls and I were released Sunday after Lydia (baby B) was treated for low glucose in NICU for 2 days and I started treatment for high blood pressure, which came on 3 days after delivery.

Ella's official birth weight is 6lbs and Lydia's is 6lbs 15oz.
 



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## boopin4baby

Congratulations Christie!! Your precious daughters are so beautiful. <3<3


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## darkriver

Congratulations Christie. There lovely.


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## InVivoVeritas

Huge congratulations, Christie. Your daughters are beautiful!!


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## melodyy_mtb

*Rags* Thanks hun. I hope it goes quickly from now, but i also hope it doesnt at the same time lol. I let a student midwife destroy my arm trying to take blood yesterday so im currently at home resting it and seething!

*boopin4baby* Awww thank you! I know im bias but he is the cutest right! The whole experience was crazy but so beautiful. 

*darkriver* Thanks. Aww you're nearly in the 2nd tri. Things should ease up then. 

*Christie2011* Congratulations! Beautiful girls.

I hope everyone else is doing ok. Thinking about you always <3


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## Rags

Well done you Christie, your girls are beautiful and your family will be wonderful. Enjoy. Xx


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## K.N

Aww congrats Christie - gorgeous! Nice size for twins too - well done :)


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## melodyy_mtb

*Rags* What have you and little man been up to? Any plans for the weekend?


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## Rags

melodyy_mtb said:


> *Rags* What have you and little man been up to? Any plans for the weekend?

A quiet weekend for Ds, he woke with a sore throat this morning and the start of a cough so think his weekend will probably extend well into next week by the time he's fit to go back to school. I am away helping a friend move house, left early this morning and will get home by lunch time tomorrow, so feeling a bit rotten at leaving him with his gran and uncle when he's ill. He'll be well looked after by them which I know or I'd have pulled out of the flitting but my friend is older, been ill recently and lives in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors so didn't want to let him down either. Now I'm in the middle of nowhere piggybacking off of a strangers WiFi (as there is no phone reception) and can't even check in to see how he is - bad, bad mummy! Then again it is only the 3rd time in his 6 years that I'll have been away overnight, and every other time was work related.


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## melodyy_mtb

Aww bless him, and you for being such a good friend. I hope he gets better asap. I'm sure his nan and uncle will be spoiling him. :) x


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## Oxygen7880

Congratulations Christie. Your girls are totally gorgeous and really good weighs for twins. Enjoy every second.


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## Oxygen7880

darkriver said:


> I am pretty exhausted. This early stage is killing me but I know it will be worth it when my little wriggler is in my arms.

I remember the absolute exhaustion in first tri. I struggled to stay awake past 7pm. That's one of the things that scares me about ttc number 2. An active 2 year old is already exhausting!. 
Any way regardless of the nerves, I will be ttc from next month. I'm currently reaquanting myself with opks and tempting (although not sure how accurate the readings will be with a wiggly toddler curled up next to me). I got pregnant so ridiculously fast with my dd that I'm trying to be realistic in the fact that it's unlikely to happen first go again. I think it could be an emotional rollercoaster.


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## fairytales87

Christie: Congrats on the arrival of your beautiful girls hope your all well xx

In vivo: I must of missed your post congrats on your pregnancy & Twins?? I hope your keeping well xx

Melody: Been following your blog & saw your latest pics they are amazing what a handsome boy you've got baking away in there!! How are you keeping? xx

KN: How are you doing?

UFM: I have my tests & sign appt this Thursday so long as AF is away by then which 
isn't looking likely at the moment but I'm still hoping that by some miracle I wake up Thursday & she's gone after all that will be cycle day 5 so I say she's been here long enough by then lol xx


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## InVivoVeritas

Thanks fairytales, they're making me work for it but it's going to be so worth it in the end!

Sending good thoughts that AF will be gone by tomorrow -- you're right, four days is quite enough!!!


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## darkriver

My AF arrives and stays for five days sadly hugs


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## fairytales87

In vivo: Thank you all seems good & the witch has gone!! 
It will most definitely be worth when those two beautiful little ones are here safe & well in your arms xx

Darkriver: Mine usually last between 5-7 days but have been crazy both length and arrival date wise since my last miscarriage even completely missing some months:dohh:

Update: I'm happy to say she seems to have left so this afternoon is full steam ahead a quick check to make sure no 
cysts or abnormalities anywhere then it's consents and take it from there!
I'm ever so excited to finally get started:cloud9:[-o&lt;[-o&lt;


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## InVivoVeritas

Exciting times, fairytales! Don't forget to fill us in on how you go today.


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## darkriver

Good luck! fairytales x


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## K.N

Yay fairytails!! Thats awesome! Im so happy its all starting for you now :)


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## fairytales87

KN: I just read your blog post and cried&#128584; 
I hope snowflake snuggles in nice & tight&#10052;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039; You take its easy and rest up
The 9th will be here before you know it!!!xxx

Darkriver: I hope your keeping well have u had your scan yet?


Update: Yesterday went ok it wasn't my consultant who was there so no consents until I have another consultation with my consultant(aka we get more money from you!)
The initial ultrasound showed all was ok but the doctor couldn't get the rest of the test completed but didn't explain anything other than it was to do with my uterus so I asked the nurse in charge once I was being discharged she looked at my notes & I asked is it anything to be worried about & she didn't directly say yes or no just that the rest on my treatment will be under anesthetic again I don't know why but I felt an inconvenience for asking what I had so thought best I didn't ask anymore questions.


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## melodyy_mtb

*fairytales87* Hehe thank you. I'm in love with that little face. I'm doing alright. 29 weeks this week. All my energy has gone and im back to just sleeping the days away. I've also gone from being super weepy to full of rage 24/7 lol. 

I'm glad you got to have your tests but boy are those doctors/nurses vague. I hate that. Never feel bad for asking for information about your own body. It is there duty to keep you fully informed. x


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## darkriver

Just had my 12 week scan. :D
 



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## fairytales87

Wow what a clear picture I hope all is well with little one xx


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## darkriver

Looks perfectly healthy. :). Which is a massive relief.


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## K.N

Hehehe awww fairytails :hugs: your guys support has been the best! I definitely hope that it's going to burrow in nice and snug this time! :) We shall see in just over a week!!

Sucks they were so vague, and I guess you could say dismissive. It's your body and you have a right to know what is going on, whether it will upset you or not - sometimes not knowing things can be worse!

Exciting darkriver!! :) :)


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## Oxygen7880

Lovely Scan pic Darkriver, so exciting!
Good luck to the rest of you pregnant ladies and the ladies ttc.


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## K.N

Guess I'm joining you guys in the pregnancy club!! (finally haha) - Positive hpt this morning, positive blood test this arvo - and another test on friday just to make sure things rise nice and healthy!


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## darkriver

K.N said:


> Guess I'm joining you guys in the pregnancy club!! (finally haha) - Positive hpt this morning, positive blood test this arvo - and another test on friday just to make sure things rise nice and healthy!

K.N Yay!!!!!!:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## fairytales87

Ahhhh OMG!!!!!
&#128118;&#127996;&#128118;&#127996;&#128118;&#127996;&#128118;&#127996;&#128118;&#127996;&#128118;&#127996;&#128118;&#127996;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;
Actually crying right now reading this post!!!

Congrats chicka 
Here's to a happy healthy pregnancy&#128536;


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## Oxygen7880

K.N said:


> Guess I'm joining you guys in the pregnancy club!! (finally haha) - Positive hpt this morning, positive blood test this arvo - and another test on friday just to make sure things rise nice and healthy!

Fantastic news. Congratulations xx


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## melodyy_mtb

KN - You already know but I'M SOOOOOOOOOO FRIIIIIIIIIICKEN HAAAAAAAAAPPPPPYYYY!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I can't even type anymore. Well done xxxxx


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## K.N

Hahaha you guys are the best. You know this is a tight knit group when our success makes each other so happy hahaha. 

Heres to hoping its a sticky bean! I had a bit of pinkish spotting I guess u cpuld call it last night and this morning - but surprisingly Im not too worried. Its the smallest amount and is definitely only pink, so I will just wait it out and see what friday brings :) :)


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## Rags

K.N said:


> Hahaha you guys are the best. You know this is a tight knit group when our success makes each other so happy hahaha.
> 
> Heres to hoping its a sticky bean! I had a bit of pinkish spotting I guess u cpuld call it last night and this morning - but surprisingly Im not too worried. Its the smallest amount and is definitely only pink, so I will just wait it out and see what friday brings :) :)

KN, how are you doing? I've just caught up with a few days worth of posts in one go. Is sticky bean burrowing in there and getting comfy?


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## K.N

Yepp - sure is so far!!

Hcg levels are about 1121 or something like that - and I'm nearly 5 weeks along, so that should be about right (according to google haha) and my doctor was stoked too :) Have another blood test booked in a week too; and a scan booked on the 7th June!

Exciting, but scary! It finally sunk in a little today. I think before hand ive been blocking it out to be honest lol. Very surreal feeling that's for sure!


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## Rags

I am so completely delighted and excited for you. It's the most amazing feeling having a life inside you and I wish you the most wonderful time over the next 8 months - and way beyond. I've got a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye typing this, I'm so pleased that you've got here at last.Xxxxxx


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## Caite

Hi ladies.

It's been well over a year since I've been on here - I've missed so much! - I've just caught up on 15 months worth of posts, it was like watching a movie, one minute you were announcing you were pregnant, and the next you were third trimester/had the baby! Crazy! Congratulations to all of you who have had your BFPs and your babies in that time! Last time I was here, I don't think we'd had a single pregnancy and now look at you all. I'm so happy for you all.

TTC has once again been put back for me. We've had some problems in the family (all resolved now) and that has necessitated me taking unpaid time off work and having to eat in to the small amount of savings I'd put away. So I'm now back at square one, and starting to save money.

I still plan on going to Denmark for treatment, though I'm now thinking I might try IUI first if I can get my periods a little more under control - I need to lose about 2-3 stone and hopefully that'll fix them. IUIs are a heck of a lot cheaper than IVFs. But even if I do end up going the IVF route, I'd still much rather go to Denmark as, even with flights/hotels etc, it's so much cheaper than having it done here in the UK.


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## K.N

Welcome back in Caite!! Sorry to hear that things have been on and off for you with the whole ttc thing :( IUI is way cheaper here too! 

- Afm,, feeling super worried tonight. Have been bleeding/spotting on and off all day. And tonight I've definitely got cramps going on, I just am finding it hard to know how much 'blood' im actually loosing, because its mixed with all the progesterone ick aswell. Eugh - I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed, but you know - its near impossible. I'm so scared that this little bean isn't going to stick :(


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## fairytales87

KN: Huge huggles I hope the bleeding is nothing to worry about & little one is still doing well&#10084;&#65039;Xxx

Caite: I'm sorry to hear you haven't had an easy time of things 
I hope things are starting to look up for you now & stay good
Have you tried looking at non profit here in the uk? I hadn't until recently 
and it almost cut my cost by half but in the end I'm going to do a multi cycle programme via a company and its 2 cycles for what I would pay for 1 even at non profit! The company also offer a refund programme if you cycle with them but don't have a live birth you get your money back but your treatment is all done at your chosen clinic xx

Hope everyone else is well mamas bumps & babas xx


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## Caite

Hope everything's ok KN.

Fairytales - yeah things are lot better now, thanks. That sounds really good about the cost. I really want anonymous donation though which isn't possible here, which is why I've been looking at Denmark. Their costs are reasonable though Copenhagen has a reputation for being expensive. Without flights and hotels, IUI is about £300 and IVF is about £3000 (plus meds) or up to 3 for about £5000.


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## darkriver

Hope everything is okay KN.


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## K.N

Just got home from work (had to get blood results while at work.. The worst!) not good news unfortunately :( My hcg was only 1800 - so while it 'is' a rise; it's not a good enough rise - for a weeks time. Only 700 up. Whereas it should have doubled, and doubled again :( Basically been told now just to wait and let my body clear everything out itself. And go back for a blood test in a week to make sure my hormones have all dropped.

This sucks. So bad :( This is way harder than when it just "didn't" work.


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## darkriver

I am so sorry hunni :(:cry:


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## Caite

Oh KN, I'm so sorry :hugs:


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## Rags

KN, so sorry to hear that, huge hugs and warmest wishes from me. Xx


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## K.N

Thanks guys :hugs: - this is much harder than i could have imagined, far worse than when it just didn't work. And because things haven't really "passed" yet - the wait is awful!!

I've since found out that i get transfer of all my frozen embryos funded; so while i thought this cycle was the end - until I came up with 10grand anyway to pay for it myself. That in fact the cycle includes freezing, thawing and transfer of all embryos created from that treatment (until i have 2 kids anyway - if i get 2 kids). So I have 4 frosties still. And technically am still only on my first cycle. So even if those 4 don't work,, I still have in fact another full fresh IVF cycle again. My mind is such a muddle - I need time to grieve and get through this. But somehow it gives me a bit of positivity knowing that this isnt the end like i thought it was.

I just wonder/hope if maybe they need to look into why the first ivf didnt work and why this one was lost. But i dont know if there is anything they can do for that type of thing?


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## fairytales87

I'm so sorry KN massive hugs&#10084;&#65039;
There will be further tests and evaluations your clinic should be able to do
in order to hopefully get some answers as to why things haven't worked & hopefully they will resolve any issues found
Unfortunately they may also not find any answers.
If you need anything we are all here a rant chat or even just some virtual hugs.
I hope you find the love strength and courage for the days ahead and if and when you are ready you get a perfect transfer and your beautiful rainbow&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;xxx


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## InVivoVeritas

K.N I'm so sorry to hear that. Take your time to grieve and figure out your options before you jump back in. :hugs:


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## Rags

KN, getting a BFN is a very different thing from what you are going through at the moment, take your time to get through this and get your body back to a good place. Does your clinic have a counselling service available, it may be good to be able to talk about everything before you move on. I'm so pleased to hear that there is a light at the end of the tunnel though, you have 4 wee frosticles sitting there waiting on their chance when you are ready. Xx


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## fairytales87

big huggles KN&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies :kiss::kiss::kiss:

I'm still here. Always reading posts. I've just been running around like a headless chicken trying to get everything sorted. I feel like I've got lists coming out of my backside, but always feel like I'm forgetting something. Only a few weeks left! Does everyone feel this manic close to the end? :haha: I hope you're all doing ok. xxx

*K.N* my darling obviously you know that I am thinking of you. Just take your time and do whatever feels right. Sleep, eat, cry. Whatever you need :hugs:

*Caite* Omg long time!!!!! So glad you're back! As you said, so much has gone on since you last posted!! I'm sorry to hear about your setbacks, but these things happen. At least you've done all that research so you can just go for it once you've saved up enough.


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## darkriver

Melody I feel manic now. This pregnancy has been insane. I contracted fifth disease (slapped cheek) from my daughter at the beginning of the pregnancy and things havent stopped. I have two more scans to go and then that is it.


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## melodyy_mtb

*darkriver* Oh dear, you poor thing :hugs: It can be hard enough being pregnant, let alone being sick and having a sick little girl to look after! no wonder you feel manic. I was pretty chilled for about 7 months, then have suddenly gone insane :haha:

*KN* I forgot to say that's super good news about you having more paid for cycles!!! I know it's extremely difficult to think about all that stuff now, but that will definitely ease a lot of stress if/when you're ready to try again.

*AFM* Just a quick update. I'm 35 weeks today! Mental. My mum's coming round today to help me put up the cot and get stuff organised. I'v been freaking out and crying a lot. Just feels like I have a million things to do, but i dont haha. Hypnobirthing has reeeeeeally put me in a completely positive mood about labour though. I highly recommend those classes. Oh and my cousin confided in me that she wants to have fertility treatment next year. She sees how I'm coping and thought "why shouldn't i have a child by myself". I'm so happy for her!

How is everyone else? Anyone starting a cycle, or taking a break for summer? xxx


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## Oxygen7880

I'm really sorry KN. I hope you are doing ok? 

How is everyone?


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## darkriver

Oxygen- I am on benefits to but I have a massive deadline due to health reasons. I think that having children shouldnt be a financial consideration.


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## Rags

Oxygen, I'm with Darkriver on this one. I aged out of being able to have number 2, I am still amazed and delighted on a daily basis with my Ds but he and I both would have liked another child - something he reminds me of regularly. You can't turn time back and you could wait a long time to win the lottery and be financially independent. Enjoy your family and don't forget that this is a valuable contribution to society too.


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## darkriver

I am planning to have a third in a few years but by then you cant claim for extra children anyway. I dont have kids for the money I have kids because I love being a parent. Obviously if you were homeless I would say wait until your stable but if you have a home and have decent support go for it. Society is very judgy these days.


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## darkriver

Also your not planning on never working and wring the government of £40K unlike that lady a couple of weeks ago. Your planning to work and that makes a whole difference.


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## Oxygen7880

darkriver said:


> Oxygen- I am on benefits to but I have a massive deadline due to health reasons. I think that having children shouldnt be a financial consideration.[/QUOTE


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## darkriver

This is me to. I worry about people judging and I have because of my health but I am better off without a partner in my life. Do it because you want to and not because somebody thinks its wrong.


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## K.N

I third the views on here Oxygen; Finances definitely come into the equation of parenting - because kids don't come cheap. BUT you shouldn't be too concerned to start with 'where' the money comes from, benefits or job. If being on benefits means you still get to stay home, be a good mum and shower your baby with love in those first few months? Go for it! I personally, would rather be a sahm on a benefit of some sort, or studying etc working towards a better job/career - than be a mum who has to leave my very much desired and wanted 3mo in daycare from 7.30-5.30.

Melody; That's cool about your cousin!! I'm sure she'll much appreciate having a cousin who knows the ins and outs and gets her thoughts and feelings along the way! All the best to her journey! ps, yes I am stoked about my cycles being funded still! I thought it was the end until I could find a way to fund it myself! But nope - I still get to fight along.

afm; Things are going ok - chugging along. My hcg finally got down to zero - it took forever! And everything took ages to clear out aswell. I'm so glad it's over now. Of course it was not the desirable outcome, but when I found out the pregnancy wasn't going to progress I just wanted it done and over then and there. So when things took ages, alongside blood tests only a few days apart over the past few weeks. It hasn't been a fun past 4 weeks! But I've decided that due to the way my funded cycles continue to work, I don't have an awful lot of time to wait. So once my doctor says things are ok to move on - I think I'm going to try another embryo transfer.

Basically I have 4 more embryos frozen for the next 12 months. I figure - if things don't go to plan, and I have more unsuccessful cycles - that's 3 months per embryo. Which really, isn't enough. So waiting just takes more time away that I don't really have. I'd rather just keep moving on, and deal with the grieving process each day as it comes alongside everything.


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## Oxygen7880

Thanks so much ladies. It's really helped me to get your views. :)


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## darkriver

K.N= Fingers crossed that you get your rainbow soon x


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## Oxygen7880

K N I really hope your next attempt is successful. Fingers and toes crossed for you. 

Darkriver: how have you found the pregnancy, having a toddler too? I have been wondering how hard it would be with an active toddler in the mix!


----------



## Rags

K.N, you have been working so hard for this and it will happen. I hope your body gets back to readiness quickly for you and that you can get started again soon.


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## Cinderella

Long time no post! I've read back as far as Feb and can't believe how much everyone has moved on! I'm not going to reply individually, but just know you're all amazingly strong women and I appreciate being able to read your posts so much. 

I decided to take a step back from the forums as I was driving myself crazy with TTC information, when I didn't even have a donor, so it all seemed pointless. Then my sister got pregnant around New Years and then lost the baby just shy of 23wks due to PPROM which was (is) devastating. Throughout this whole time I'd been messaging a few potential donors and got on really well with one particular guy and we're now ready to start the donation/insemination process. EEK! I'm due to ovulate on the 9th and he's going to try and pop round as often as he can around that time. He's restricted by work so we can't be particularly accurate, going the whole OPK/temp route. I just hope it's enough. I have my preseed, my softcups and a whole tonne of enthusiasm! Can't believe I'm a week away from being in my first SMBC tww! 

I hope everyone is well!


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## Oxygen7880

Good luck Cinderella! How exciting for you. I wish you luck :)


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## Cinderella

Ahhh! Good luck Oxygen! 

I promised myself I wouldn't OPK, because I didn't want to see a positive and not be able to get my donation, but I couldn't resist and just took a test and there's not even a hint of a line (well, there's a squinter) this is supposed to be the start of my fertile window, ending on the 10th, so was surprised to not even have a faint! See, this is why I shouldn't test, I'm worrying now! I'm going to do it again in a few hours just in case I get my surge later on in the day and then whatever happens I'm gonna put the OPKs down. He can make tomorrow but I can't so first insem is likely to be Weds.


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## fairytales87

Hey ladies 

Just a question or 2 if you feel it's too personal you don't need to answer

How did you know your donors were genuine?
How did they prove to you they were infection/disease free?
Where did you find them?


Lots of luck & baby dust to you both:dust:
I hope you both get a bfp soon


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## Oxygen7880

.


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## Cinderella

First insem today! :thumbup: :thumbup: 
What an experience! Felt so nervous beforehand, honestly thought about not answering the door when he knocked. But as it happens, it went ok. Awkward conversation for 10 minutes, let him do his thing, awkward conversation for 5 minutes, he left and I had my way with some preseed and a softcup. 

He's hoping to be back tomorrow night and once more before the 10th so in with a good chance this month I hope! 

Is it normal to have mild period like cramps for a few hours afterwards? 

Can't believe I'm officially in a 2ww this month and get to test, so exciting!


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## melodyy_mtb

Just popping in to say hi :hi: Due date's on Wednesday so just waiting, eating, and sleeping lol. But I'm feeling great. 

*Rags* Hope you and wee man are doing well. x

*Cinderella* WB hun! Glad to see you back. Good luck with your tww. Lots of babydust for you! :dust:

So sorry to hear about your sister. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. x

*Oxygen7880	* Good luck with the tww! Exciting! :dust:

*KN* Loads of hugs and kisses for you! Hope you're settling back into things. Thanks again for those adorable gifts. I wish i could wear the clothes, they're so soft haha. :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

So happy to see so many of you in your tww. Lets hope this summer season brings some BFPs! :thumbup: <3


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## Oxygen7880

Ahh Melodyy, so near! How ru feeling about the birth? So exciting for you.


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## melodyy_mtb

Haha I know. I keep looking at my ticker like "really?!". I'm feeling very excited and confident. That's all down to my hypnobirthing classes. Highly recommended. 

How are you? Keeping busy during this tww? x


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## Cinderella

melodyy_mtb said:


> *Cinderella* WB hun! Glad to see you back. Good luck with your tww. Lots of babydust for you! :dust:
> 
> So sorry to hear about your sister. My thoughts and prayers are with your family. x

Thank you for your prayers, it's still quite raw, but my sister is being really brave through it.

I've been thinking about you a lot, hoping you and your boy are well! Wishing you lots of relaxed labour vibes over the next few days! Can't wait to 'meet' him! :baby: :happydance:

afm: WHY IS TIME PASSING SO SLOWLY??? I felt abnormally bloated the first day or so, extra crampy, extra cm-y - but now at 4DPO? Nothing! I'm jumping between 'of course i'm pregnant' and 'no bloody way', but this is horrid. I can't imagine having to do this every month, for those who have, you're amazing.


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## Oxygen7880

I've read a lot of good things about hypnobirthing. It's def something I would look into if I was blessed with another pregnancy.
My first labour was very fast but not all that great and so I would be very interested in your experience of hypnobirthing.


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## fairytales87

Happy Due Date Melody:yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee:
Hope all goes well my lovely:hugs::kiss:
p.s Hurry up little prince all your bnb solo mama thread buddies can't wait to hear all about you:baby::blue::crib:


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## Rags

Oh Melodyy, one day past your due date - welcome to you next tww with a difference, at least this one may be shorter and you get the most amazingly wonderful gift at the end of it, and forever! I wish you an enjoyable birth when it arrives.

Ds and I are on holiday at the moment. We've been camping down through England and are at Legoland for a couple of days. We are having a fab - but wet time, crossing our fingers that there might be a bit less rain today (although Ds's favourite rides all involve water anyway).

Best wishes to all. Xx


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## Oxygen7880

Thinking of you melodyy!
Good luck to the rest of you :)
How you feeling rags?


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## Christie2011

fairytales87 said:


> Hey ladies
> 
> Just a question or 2 if you feel it's too personal you don't need to answer
> 
> How did you know your donors were genuine?
> How did they prove to you they were infection/disease free?
> Where did you find them?
> 
> 
> Lots of luck & baby dust to you both:dust:
> I hope you both get a bfp soon

When I tried using AI with a donor I found, we emailed a bit, then he sent me a copy of his STI report. It was a few years old so I asked that he get another (I paid), he was glad to do so.

He came totally prepared with a syringe for me and a container for him (he had done this before and I hadn't, though I was prepared as well).


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## fairytales87

Oxygen that's fantastic news huge congrats
Hope you have a smooth pregnancy xxx


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## fairytales87

Christie 
Thanks for sharing that to help
Hope you and your wee family are all good xx

Rags: good to hear from you I hope yous are having a fantastic holiday xx


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## Cinderella

Oxygen: Congrats! What amazing news! 10 dpo right? So early! Must be some good hcg in there! :dust:

Rags: Hope you're enjoying Legoland! We went for one day last year for my nephews 6th birthday and it was just too busy to enjoy, lovely place though!

AFM: Having nausea 'surges', some dizziness, overheating and occasional crampy twinges in my lady organs. Hopefully it's the result of a nice little egg burrowing away into my uterus and not just because it's muggy and my body is preparing for AF? UGH! I don't know!I run out of prenatal vits in 4 days, gonna test and see if I need pregnancy ones or not! lol I'll be 11dpo, so hopefully not too soon!


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## Oxygen7880

Cinderella fingers crossed for you. I'm hoping your get your bfp in 4 days too.


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## Rags

Oxygen, brilliant news, Friday is only a couple of days away and I'm sure your little bean will be making itself comfortable in the mean time.

Cinderella I've everything crossed for you, i was certain my period was coming for a few days before my bfp, it was the most crampy and sure i was going to have an early period that I've ever felt in my life.
I can imagine that Legoland is maddness during the holidays but it's been ok the last couple of days, a few school groups and quite a lot of Scottish acents as our schools are off already but most of the rides were only about 10 minute waits with the bigger ones taking about 30 so not too hideous. Starting to head back up north tomorrow, don't want to do the drive in one go but need to have a wee think what to do/where to go - holidaying in Britain is so not a cheap option, we could have gone abroad for a fortnight and spent less than we have in 8 days here!


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## melodyy_mtb

*Cinderella* Love to you all :hugs::angel:

Aww thank you! Yes it's very exciting in Casa Melodyy at the mo. My mum is a complete wreck and my dad refuses to call me for fear of hearing me in labour :rofl: Luckily I'm calm and relaxed. Can't wait to show him to you! 

Ah yes the mystery of the tww. Feels like an eternity. Did that for two years, it was insane lol. But you are also amazing. No matter how many times you go through it, you still feel the same anxiety and distress. I really hope and pray it doesn't take very long for you. FX if you test soon. xxx

*Oxygen7880* Yeah hypnobirthing is wonderful. I'm still nervous obviously but i feel very confident and calm. There was a couple in my class who already had a child, so it's normal for people to give it a go the second or third time round.

And OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: I know it's early days but that is amazing news. Lets hope there's lots of babydust going round this group right now. Congrats hun. Keep us updated! xx

*fairytales87* Haha thank you hun! :kiss::kiss::kiss: I cant wait to show him to you and our little online group. I hope you're doing ok. :hugs: <3

Hehe yup one day past it today :) Thank you so much :hugs: Hope you and ds are having a great time. You guys are always on a little trip or adventure. I love it! You must give me some tips sometime on keeping children entertained xx

afm: Had my 40 week midwife appointment yesterday. Baby boy is fully engaged and I checked out perfectly, so it's just a matter of time now. I hadn't had any incling of labour until last night. I've had braxton hicks since about 28 weeks but last night they started getting more intense and I was feeling them waaaay down low. Not feeling anything today though so we shall see.


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## darkriver

Eek Oxygen.


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## Oxygen7880

How is everyone?

I'm not bad here. Still doing preg tests everyday. Think I should prob stop now but it's hard! I think I need to accept that it's real. Booked in with midwife for early August. Still can't quite believe it. Still a little nauseous but I'm soo irritable it's unreal. Feel like I could rip someone's head off. Not nice and I feel short of patience with my lg which I feel guilty about.

So the midwife puts me at 5weeks 3 days but I know when I ov'd and that I am a week behind that Coz I ov'd cd20. It was exactly the same with my lg and I even ov'd on the same day. So when I went to my 12 week scan with her I expected them to date me back a few days. However they actually put me even further ahead! In my head I always felt that the due date they gave me (Xmas day) was wrong because I was sure sure of ov date and knew it was more likely to be the end of Dec or early Jan. But I did actually go into labour on Xmas day and had her early hrs Boxing Day! So who was right? Was lg just a bit early or were they right all along?? Confused lol


----------



## darkriver

How are you doing Oxygen?
Melody- Hope Little boy is here.


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey everyone. Just a quick update to let you know that my little boy is here! Things have been so hectic since he was born, I didn't have a chance to post sooner.

Baby boy was born on the 19th of July at 9:06 pm. I was in early labour most of the day but didn't realise. Thought it was just braxton hicks :haha: Everything went smoothly and quickly. No drugs, no stitches, and I birthed him in 6 minutes! lol. DS weighed 5lbs 4 oz and was 6 days past my due date :o We're both doing really well though. Been out a few times already.

I will have a read of other posts and get back to people as soon as I can, but in the meantime, here are a few cheeky snaps. xxx


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## SpudsMama

Aaaaah, congratulations Melody!! He's so beautiful :cloud9: Cram as many newborn squishes in as you can, and photos and videos, because those days go so fast... Benny is 5 months now and my memory of him as a tiny bub has already faded :(


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## darkriver

Aww congrats Melody he is georgous.


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## Oxygen7880

Ah Melodyy he is delicious. Congratulations. Enjoy him and soak up every second. Tell us more about the birth when you get chance.


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## boopin4baby

Congratulations meloddy!! Your baby boy is ADORABLE. I love his big bright eyes.. he's so cute. Enjoy the early precious moments with your bundle of joy!! :hugs: Thanks for sharing with us. <3<3


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## Rags

Melody huge congratulations and hugs to both of you. I've been checking in a few times a day waiting for your news. So pleased it all went smoothly, your wonderful memory of his birth will stay with you always. Here's to many enjoyably wakeful nights you've worked long and hard to get here enjoy every blessed moment. Xx


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## Cinderella

Oh Melody congratulations! He's absolutely beautiful and such a little peanut! I'm sure you're enjoying every second with your little man. Great birth by the sounds of it, will have to give this hypnobirthing a go should I ever get lucky and become pregnant :thumbup: 


(as an aside, AF showed up on the 19th, no bfp for me this time, or it was a very early chemical, I don't know... not too disheartened as it was only the first go and already have donor lined up for the first week in August! Hope everyone else is well x)


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## Oxygen7880

Sorry it wasn't your month cinerella but glad your feeling positive :thumbup: I hope next month is your month.

I'm chugging along here. 5 weeks 2 days by my calculations and 6 weeks 2 days according to lmp. I forgot what a nerve wracking time first trimester is. It's so hard not knowing what's going on inside you. Booking appointment with midwife is on 11th August. I'm trying to take it a day at a time. 
I'm feeling totally exhausted and very irritable, a little groggy but not too sick....YET!


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## InVivoVeritas

Melody, a huge congratulations to you! Your son is an absolute stunner, just look at those big eyes.

Oxygen, don't worry, the sickness will come. Enjoy your last week or two of feeling human.

Cinderella, I'm sorry this wasn't your month. Next time!!


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## K.N

Nawww Melody - you already know how ecstatic I am for you! And so proud!! He is absolutely gorgeous xx


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## Cinderella

How's everyone doing? 
I'm 1dpo - got one donation last night (8hrs after positive opk) and trying to see if donor is able to come over tonight for another. I thought it was too late but my app says to get BDing so I figure it can't hurt to get another, if he's available.

A question for UK based ladies, have you admitted to your GPs that you're SMBC? I've mentioned TTC to my old GP and she never questioned my status, as the obvious assumption is a male/female couple and I never said anything. But I've just moved and signing up to a new GP and I'm unsure whether to mention I'm single and TTC, just in case I need fertility tests etc. Would they still give me the tests if I'm single? Would I still be eligible for NHS help, IUI, IVF etc. if I was single? Or do I lie and say I'm in a couple and get donor involved with providing samples at a clinic? I know this might not be necessary if I get my BFP over the next few months, but signing up to a new GP has got me thinking.


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## Oxygen7880

I'm currently almost 7 weeks now and feeling terrible. Never felt so exhausted in my life and also feeling nauseous all day everyday. I remember now just how much first tri sucks. It all seems so much more bearable after you see that little life inside you but before then it's physically and mentally exhausting (for me anyway).


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## Rags

Cinderella, my gp was well aware of my single status. After I tried for a few months unsuccessfully at home I approached my gp to ask to be referred to an NHS fertility clinic - I'd already spoken to them an knew they were happy to treat single women. My gp was great (a male in his early 60's). He didn't bat an eye and made the referral so quickly I had my first appointment about two months later (I was working away so couldn't attend any sooner). Another gp in the practice was happy to do all of my monthly anti natal appointments and no one has ever made a negative comment. Good luck.


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## Cinderella

Thanks Rags and Oxygen!
I'm tempted to tell my GP in hopes they'll go forward with fertility tests. I suspect there's some endo/PCOS problems so I don't want to delay anything. I'm going to research my local NHS trusts policies anyway just incase they're not single mother friendly!

Oxygen: Sorry you're going through the ringer, only 5 weeks until you're out of first tri! (God... that sounds quite far away, you can do it!) I suppose it's even harder with a toddler at home too. I have my niece and nephew at home with me for half the week and I can barely manage to look after myself! 

AFM: 3DPO - No early symptoms, last month I was so bloated and crampy and this month there's none of that so hoping it's a good sign, although I'm not too hopeful. Donor couldn't make it for a 2nd donation so this month I'm relying on one well timed one. We'll see. Trying desperately not to get too crazy with it like last month, no early testing, no symptom spotting etc. Just taking it easy. :coffee:


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## InVivoVeritas

Cinderella, I've never mentioned to any of my care providers that I was single, but I didn't lie either, just never mentioned the subject. Funnily enough I was admitted to L&D Friday evening and the midwife just assumed that my sister (who was with me) was my partner. Sis was very amused. :) This is in a small town in the west of Ireland -- I think that medical people accept now that the world is a big and diverse place.

Oxygen, hang in there! You're right in the depths of the hardest part of pregnancy, but in only a few weeks you'll start to feel a bit more human. Hope you feel better soon.


----------



## Rags

Cinderella, phone the clinics directly and ask to speak to the manager or one of the senior nurses, it's the quickest way of finding out. Also remember that your gp practice want/need women of child baring age as that's how they get their money - smear tests, vaccination programs and other screening programs are all paid based on the number of patients at the practice who fall into that catogary. Although I paid the cost of the sperm at the clinic I attended that was my choice and they made it clear that I was welcome to apply for funding, all tests and investigations and appointments were free on the NHS ( I am in Scotland though and I know our health service is run differently).


----------



## Cinderella

Hi Rags, thank you for the info... am still not sure what to do with regards to my GP, have read a lot of angry people on other message boards disgusted that healthy single women would be offered any sort of NHS fertility help which has just rubbed me up the wrong way... literally comments saying why don't we just go and have sex with someone, anyone... anyway, I digress.

AF turned up today and I'm in a bad mood. Only 1 insem last month. Two the month before. Just doesn't seem like anywhere near enough. He said he was willing to help whenever I wanted it, but when it comes down to planning a time right for both of us it's just not working out. Am taking a substantial pay cut to be home more and don't have the money now for frozen sperm/clinics etc... so pondering whether to find another donor, whether to have two donors on the go, whether to just give up (this is my hormones talking btw. Have terrible PMS right now.)

I hope you're all doing well, hope baby is doing well for you Melody, hope you're coping in first tri Oxygen. Spent a few days with my best friend and her beautiful 2 month old baby girl which was just a dream. :dust:


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies! :kiss: It's been a while. Things have been really hectic over here. Just a quick update. Wee man was 4 weeks yesterday! Can't believe it. We have had a difficult time since he was born. I have struggled immensely with breastfeeding and i also have/had major baby blues :cry:. The last thing you expect after you finally get everything you've ever dreamed of is to feel depressed! So needless to say most of my time has been spent on the sofa, boobs out, crying lol. But things are looking up. The fog is finally lifting, and we are slowly settling into our new life.

*SpudsMama* Thank you!Tell me about it. He's growing and changing ever day! Aww 5 months already. Can't believe how quickly time passes :O

*darkriver* Thanks hun x

*Oxygen7880* Thank you. I will write more as soon as i can xx

*boopin4baby* Aww thanks :D Yeah they are huge puppy dog eyes lol. x

*Rags* Thanks hun!!!! I can't believe he's actually here. xxx

*Cinderella* Thank you so much. Yes i 100% recommend hypnobirthing. I'm sorry AF got you last cycle, but good luck with this one! xx

*InVivoVeritas* Thank you! Andi can see a congrats is in order for you too! I'll go over to your journal after this but congratulations mama! :happydance:

*K.N* Thank you my darling. He loves his gorgeous clothes :D x


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## Oxygen7880

Great to hear from you melodyy. I'm really sorry you have had such a rough time since the birth. I had the same baby blues after my lg. It was awful but it does get better so hang in there and don't be afraid to get help if needed.


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## fairytales87

Just stopping by with
Congrats, baby dust, love & hugs 
Hope everyone is well&#55357;&#56856;

I've not been about for a while
Things aren't going great for me at the moment
I've been blogging in a personal blog which
seems silly as I know nobody reads it but it's helping me so that's all that counts just now 

Hugs J xx


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## darkriver

Thought I would check in and see how things are with everyone? I am 31 weeks and had a couple of scares but I am trying to take a laid back approach.


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## Oxygen7880

Fairytales I'm really sorry to read that your having a tough time :(

Darkriver how ru feeling? Sorry to hear you've had a couple of scares.

I'm currently 11 weeks (12 by lmp but I know ov date). I have my first scan next Monday and if alls ok then I'm going for a private scan and harmony test next wed. I'm really nervous. You just can't relax until you see the baby and know everything is ok in there. I've been feeling terrible since 6 weeks. Not being sick but feeling sick constantly and totally exhausted. Been extremely difficult to look after my lg and it hasn't helped that it's been the summer hols so no nursery. I feel so guilty that we haven't done anything or been anywhere.


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## darkriver

Oxygen dont feel guilty we havent done anything either. I am pretty tired and we have spent a lot of time at the park. There little and dont understand really at the mo. Hope your scan goes well on monday.


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## melodyy_mtb

*Oxygen7880* Aww thank yu, means a lot. Thankfully the fog did lift a couple of weeks ago and things are going great. I still get a bit anxious but nothing like before. Sorry to hear you're struggling a bit with the first tri, but at least you're not actually throwing up all over the place. You're doing a wonderful job handling your pregnancy and a child. x

*fairytales87* Blogging definitely helps! Even if it's private. x

*darkriver* 31 weeks! wow not long now. I hope you can stay calm and relaxed. x

*afm* Things are much better with me and baby. Breastfeeding is going great, and I'm no longer weepy or feeling flat. Still a bit anxious but I've always had pretty bad anxiety so combating that with meditation and long walks.

To all you amazing women who are in the tww or have a cycle coming up, I've got everything crossed for you. Let us know where you're at! <3


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## darkriver

melodyy_mtb said:


> *Oxygen7880* Aww thank yu, means a lot. Thankfully the fog did lift a couple of weeks ago and things are going great. I still get a bit anxious but nothing like before. Sorry to hear you're struggling a bit with the first tri, but at least you're not actually throwing up all over the place. You're doing a wonderful job handling your pregnancy and a child. x
> 
> *fairytales87* Blogging definitely helps! Even if it's private. x
> 
> *darkriver* 31 weeks! wow not long now. I hope you can stay calm and relaxed. x
> 
> *afm* Things are much better with me and baby. Breastfeeding is going great, and I'm no longer weepy or feeling flat. Still a bit anxious but I've always had pretty bad anxiety so combating that with meditation and long walks.
> 
> To all you amazing women who are in the tww or have a cycle coming up, I've got everything crossed for you. Let us know where you're at! <3

Thank you Melody! I have read your blog and I am going to google macca root and see if its safe for me to take. I have a blog but have only just started up.


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## melodyy_mtb

darkriver said:


> Thank you Melody! I have read your blog and I am going to google macca root and see if its safe for me to take. I have a blog but have only just started up.

It really has helped! Pulled me right out of my baby blues. I'm also finding the bach free remedy 'Aspen' and the homeopathic pill 'Kali phos' is combating my anxiety. All natural and safe but definitely look them up!


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## fairytales87

Hope all mamas babies & bumps are well&#10084;&#65039;
Today my head is focused & I'm back in this&#128525; 
I'm heading for my bloods & then next week is my baseline ultrasound & consultation!! I'm Excited but nervous!!

Luv n Hugs
J xx


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## melodyy_mtb

fairytales87 said:


> Hope all mamas babies & bumps are well&#10084;&#65039;
> Today my head is focused & I'm back in this&#128525;
> I'm heading for my bloods & then next week is my baseline ul8trasound & consultation!! I'm Excited but nervous!!
> 
> Luv n Hugs
> J xx

I love it! Best way to approach this stuff is with enthusiasm and excitement! I have everything crossed for you. Keep us posted!


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## fairytales87

Tiny update: Bloods are complete:thumbup:
Now it's await results of those & all being well with those 
baseline ultrasound and possibly October cycle I can start which is crazy soon&#128584;&#128584;


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## darkriver

Eeek how exciting Fx.

Well a little update from me. My heart isn't doing great. One side is weaker then the other. Baby is growing well and is a good centile of weight. My waters are on the low side. I have an appointment on the 7th October where they plan to rescan me and check my cervix to see if it prime for waters breaking. If it is favourable they will ask me to come back a couple of weeks later and do that and use a drip. They are reluctant to use other methods if they cant do that then I will be booked in for a section. They dont want me to go into labour on my own because of my heart.


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## Oxygen7880

Darkriver. Sorry to hear you have problems with your heart. How are you feeling in yourself?


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## fairytales87

Prayers for you and baby dark river 
Hopefully baby arrives with you both being safe & well&#10084;&#65039;

Oxygen how did you get to be so far?
Hope your well xx


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## Oxygen7880

Fairytales fingers crossed for you. Hope you can get started again soon :)

I'm 14 weeks Tomo. Had my nhs scan and bloods but often to have the harmony test too privately. Got the results yest and all looks great. As a bonus I also found out that I'm having a boy. I really expected to have another girl!


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## fairytales87

Thanks I hope so too trying not to get too excited 
incase it doesn't work but it's hard not to!

Glad all is well with you & baby 
Aww a beautiful boy how lovely congrats&#10084;&#65039;
xx


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## fairytales87

How are you all doing? xx


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## darkriver

I am in the home stretch. EEK. Full term tomorrow and I am having a section in 13 days times x


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies! It's been a while. I hope you are all doing well and gearing up for the festive season!

LO is 3 months old now. Crazy! Things have been good and bad. The good news is that my little boy is really coming into his own personality. He's super super chilled and so funny. He's a very smiley happy baby. I on the other hand have been through the wars a bit. Doctor confirmed I have postnatal anxiety. Things just got increasingly worse until I just couldn't cope. We moved in with my mum for a while which really helped. Back home now and things are going well. I start therapy next week too which I'm very positive about. 

Motherhood is challenging, exhausting and amazing all at the same time. But one thing I never expected to feel was lonely! I get incredibly lonely when I'm just sitting with a tiny baby who can't talk back! Hopefully this will die down. 

@fairytales87
How's everything going with your cycle? Have you started yet? I'm so excited for you!! xxx

@darkriver
So sorry to hear about your heart and low water hun :( but I'm glad you are being looked after. Can't believe you're term!!!! Good luck with the secion. xxxx

@Oxygen7880
Omg congratulations on the news! Aww a little boy how perfect!!!! x


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## Rags

Hi Melodyy, sorry to hear it's not been all going smoothly for you but I'm pleased you're still managing to enjoy your Lo. I don't think you're the only person to suffer postnatal anxiety these days, there is so much pressure to do everything and everywhere you go there's someone telling you how to do it better. I'm delighted to hear you're going to have someone to talk to about it all. Have you managed to get to any groups with lo? They are a bit of a double edged sword really at times (competitve parents all over the place) but they're also great for staving off the loneliness - it's not just single mums who are lonely, lots of women on maternity find it a big problem too. 
Lots of love n hugs from me. Xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey Rags. Aww thank you :) Yeah I've been going to a lot of groups. Thankfully there is an abundance of baby groups in my town. I even go to this weekly excersice thing in the park called buggyfit.

You're so right about all mums being affected by lonlines. I attended this art therapy group for mums with anxiety or depression. All the other mums were married and they all had major lonliness issues.


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## Oxygen7880

Melodyy I'm sorry you have had a tough time. Like the ladies have said, it's not uncommon but I know how tough it is and I think being a solo parent can increase the anxiety in some ways. As for loneliness, I've always been a very independent person and quite happy in my own company so I never expected to have an issue with that after having my daughter. The thing that surprised me most I would say is the loneliness but not in so much as needing someone for me but more in the way that I would have loved/love to share this beautiful little girl and her milestones with someone else on a daily basis. I was totally unprepared to feel such way. 
I'm glad you are getting out and about though, that's really great and you should be so proud of yourself. 
I has changed for me since Ellie got older though because she's such a personality and there's no time for loneliness lol.


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## fairytales87

Melody: I've still not started an my treatment co ordinator went off ill & didn't process my requested appointments on time and now my initial test has expired so I need to start from scratch:growlmad::nope:

To top it off I kinda got back with my ex for a little bit by he soon reverted back to his old abusive ways :(:(
Then af tricked me was over 5 days late after a long time of perfect 27 day cycles but :bfn:
So I'm kinda feeling fed up & like its never going to happen

Hope you & that beautiful boy of yours are well:kiss:

Hope all you other lovely ladies /babies/ bumps are all good too xx


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## darkriver

Amelia Francis Rose born by emergancy section 25th october


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## fairytales87

Congrats dark river 
Hope you & baby are both doing well xx


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## K.N

Congrats Darkriver! Hope everything is ok xx

Oh fairytales - doesnt it suck so much when our bodies do that!! not fun eh :( :hugs:


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## Oxygen7880

Massive congrats DarkRiver. I hope you are both well


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## Rags

Huge congratulations to you Darkriver - you are a beautiful family now. Xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies. It's been a while! Hope you're all ok. Baby Zylan (dont think I mentioned his name lol) is 4 months now! My how time has flown. Im still working through my emotional difficulties but feeling much better. We had a really stressful couple of weeks where Zylan had bronchiolitus. I've never been so scared in my life. But he is back to his smiley giggly self now thank goodness. I started therapy which is helping soooo much. Apparently it's very common to get pna or pnd when you have struggled to conceive which totally makes sense. 

@Oxygen7880
Its so true. You don't long for a romantic partner just someone to chat too. I have no doubt it will get easier though once Zylan can talk etc. 

@fairytales87
Im sorry to hear sbout all the set backs and false starts. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster for you. I hope you're feeling a bit better. It will happen! Each obsticle you overcome just shows how strong and capable you are!

@darkriver
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! Awww show us a picture when you can but until then just rest and enjoy your beautiful little girl. Love her name x


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## darkriver

Here she is. She is such a lovely doll like her sister.
 



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## fairytales87

Dark river she is just beautiful congratulations again 
I hope your settling well into life as a mummy of 2 xx

Melody Im glad Zylan is feeling much better now
I love his name!! Glad to hear your doing better too
I'm totally in awe of how you've handled these first few months 
of mummyhood I sure hope I can do as good a job as you! xx

KN I hope your doing well sweetie xx

Update from me I start my new cycle in 2wks at my new amazing clinic & I can't wait!! Yes I know I changed clinic again!! The last one was just awful and stressing me out way too much never been more comfortable at a clinic as I am with this one! 

Hope everyone else is doing well xx


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## darkriver

How exciting fairytales. I hope this clinic is a lot more useful. 
is it crazy that I am already planning baby number 3. It wont be for a few years yet and I want to be a lot more organised but I know I am not done.


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## fairytales87

Darkriver your are super mum to have two and want another so soon
I often think what if I don't feel complete with one like I always thought I would but I won't be able to afford more than one. I will need to go back at 6months as I can't afford to loose any more pay than that. I also won't be able to pay childcare for more than 1 & I will need to stay fulltime for my salary! 

Personal question alert:
Did any of you btdt mamas wonder how you'd feel if baby looked like the donor? Is it bad of me to worry about this? Xx


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## Oxygen7880

Dark river, she is perfect. How has big sister coped?


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## darkriver

She has been amazing. I am so proud of her!


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## babycrazy1706

Hi everyone. I'm a single mummy of one 4 year old and planning/thinking of having a 2nd child solo. However a little different as I would have it with elijahs father and still be a single mum. I don't want a relationship with him but he has offered to give me another child. I'm 31 and have just come out of a relationship in which we were planning a baby, now I'm single I still long for a baby and I'm worried I won't meet anyone or push a relationship to work to have a baby. I'm more inclined to lean towards having my 2 children first then letting LOVE find me. 
Hope I belong here as I feel like I need support/advice. Love to all Xx


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## fairytales87

Welcome to the group
The thread is a little slow as a few of the ladies have just had their gorgeous babies. Some of us are just starting treatment cycles and some are WTT.

The decision to become to solo mama is a scary one but the girls here are all lovely and fantastic 

Wish you lots of love and luck can't wait to share your journey with you xx


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## babycrazy1706

Thank you fairy tale!! Xxx


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## K.N

Hey ladies :)
Been awhile since I checked in! I'm still floating in and out haha. Have had a hectic few months! - I got two periods the past two months, so I took that as a sign to continue on and move on from my last embryo transfer cycle. Although going back after is much harder than before! I am struggling to get into this cycle, but am happy to be back in the game! Have had my ovarian scan, and have got a blood test in 2 days. Transfer day is the 29th. I keep going back and forth between feelings - although I guess that the hormone tablets I'm on don't help that either haha!!

To answer your q fairytale - I used to always be so scared of that! Not as much now since B and I are such good friends; but I did used to wonder; what if my baby looks nothing like me and everything like him! I guess it's normal to feel that!

Anyway, hope all else is going well for everyone!! :) xxx


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## fairytales87

KN: Lots of love luck and baby dusts for monday&#10084;&#65039;
Thank you for answering my question I keep thinking what if baby looks like the donor and nothing like me. At least if my angels had looked like OH he was their daddy but what if future baby/babies look like the donor and I don't bond with them&#129300;&#128532; I'm stressing about all the small stuff but I think it's because treatment will be starting so soon I just hope if once any future baby is finally here all will be ok and these are just silly worries.

Roll on Monday so I can get started again!!

Hope everybody else bumps and babies are all doing well &#128536; xx


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## babycrazy1706

Hi fairytales87. I think you will bond with baby whoever he/she looks like as you will have carried him/her and she's still yours no matter how she looks. If you don't mind me asking are you not with OH anymore or are you using a donor because of complications? Lots of baby dust xxxx


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## fairytales87

I'm not with my OH anymore he was a horrible manipulative liar amongst other things:nope:

I began planning my solomama journey before I met him & now I'm completing it myself:cloud9:
I'm using a local clinic & one of there donors hopefully to get my rainbow baby[-o&lt;:cloud9:


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## babycrazy1706

Ok I'm sorry to hear that. I too have just come out of relationship where I was used and lied too. It's awful. 
Good luck Hun. Are you in the U.K. ? Xx


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## fairytales87

It sure is awful
I'm sorry you were treated like that:growlmad::nope: 
We will move on better & stronger ourselves

Thank you&#10084;&#65039;
Yes I'm in the UK I live in Edinburgh xx


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## darkriver

I got asked 3 times the other day if I was going to find someone and seemed surprised when I said no. I am quite happy and capable on my own.


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## fairytales87

Darkriver ppl always assume things don't they
One of my besties just doesn't get it lol 
Are you not lonely..nope!! Do you not miss the cuddling up watching tv of an evening?....nope 
How will you cope with night feeds etc...I will just get on with it like every other mum does!! 
When I say I don't want nor do I need a man I will manage just fine all by myself she just looks at me like I have two heads&#55357;&#56834;&#55357;&#56834;

I hope you and those two girlies of yours are all doing well xx


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## darkriver

fairytales87 said:


> Darkriver ppl always assume things don't they
> One of my besties just doesn't get it lol
> Are you not lonely..nope!! Do you not miss the cuddling up watching tv of an evening?....nope
> How will you cope with night feeds etc...I will just get on with it like every other mum does!!
> When I say I don't want nor do I need a man I will manage just fine all by myself she just looks at me like I have two heads&#65533;&#65533;&#65533;&#65533;
> 
> I hope you and those two girlies of yours are all doing well xx

https://i65.tinypic.com/ekhyy9.jpg
Amelia is month old. Lucy has finally settled into being a big sister and adores her.


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## fairytales87

What beautiful girls
I can't believe Amelia is a month old already it sure goes quickly 
I'm glad Lucy is loving her new role as big sis how lovely they will
be so close xx


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## fairytales87

Today I meet my new consultant for the first time & get this cycle underway so excited yet nervous all at once!!
I will update you lovelies when I get home xx


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## Oxygen7880

Gorgeous picture DarkRiver. How are you finding going from one to two?

Fairytale, wishing you lots of luck :hugs:

I am now 23 weeks preg and feeling baby boy quite a lot. I have a low lying placenta, just as with Ellie (but this time posteria) so I will need a scan at 36 weeks to make sure it has moved out of the way.


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## fairytales87

Thank you Hun 
Wow 23wks already that's went so fast hopefully at your next scan things are as they need to be! I hope your keeping well otherwise xx


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## fairytales87

Update from me: My appt went very very well, every member of staff I came across was so lovely I was made to feel so comfortable! The consultant was just amazing listened to everything I was saying I felt he really cared about me and my story so far I felt like I was the only patient he seen that day even though in reality he probably seen loads!! No question was too stupid!! He explained everything in far more detail than anybody ever did at my other clinic!! Told me what it would all mean for me.
I left feeling so much more uplifted than I did when I went in all my silly niggles and worries soon disappeared &.....we made....A MINI PLAN!!!:happydance::happydance::happydance: I've a couple of tests to do & some meds to start & a scan & once that's done we are good to go!!!!! I'm so excited & so scared all at once&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;xx


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## darkriver

fairytales87 said:


> Update from me: My appt went very very well, every member of staff I came across was so lovely I was made to feel so comfortable! The consultant was just amazing listened to everything I was saying I felt he really cared about me and my story so far I felt like I was the only patient he seen that day even though in reality he probably seen loads!! No question was too stupid!! He explained everything in far more detail than anybody ever did at my other clinic!! Told me what it would all mean for me.
> I left feeling so much more uplifted than I did when I went in all my silly niggles and worries soon disappeared &.....we made....A MINI PLAN!!!:happydance::happydance::happydance: I've a couple of tests to do & some meds to start & a scan & once that's done we are good to go!!!!! I'm so excited & so scared all at once&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;xx

Sounds really exciting and positive hun. :) Hope that you get your angel soon x


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## fairytales87

My feelings so far are Omg this is one overwhelming rollercoaster can I do this?? :wacko:

Hope everyone is well xx


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## Christie2011

fairytales87 said:


> KN: Lots of love luck and baby dusts for monday&#10084;&#65039;
> Thank you for answering my question I keep thinking what if baby looks like the donor and nothing like me. At least if my angels had looked like OH he was their daddy but what if future baby/babies look like the donor and I don't bond with them&#129300;&#128532; I'm stressing about all the small stuff but I think it's because treatment will be starting so soon I just hope if once any future baby is finally here all will be ok and these are just silly worries.
> 
> Roll on Monday so I can get started again!!
> 
> Hope everybody else bumps and babies are all doing well &#128536; xx

I adopted my first born, so he doesn't look anything like me. I had him since birth, stayed with him in the hospital before he was released, took him home from there. I didn't feel like I bonded with him straight away, but by two months we were well bonded.


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## Rags

Christie2011 said:


> fairytales87 said:
> 
> 
> KN: Lots of love luck and baby dusts for monday&#10084;&#65039;
> Thank you for answering my question I keep thinking what if baby looks like the donor and nothing like me. At least if my angels had looked like OH he was their daddy but what if future baby/babies look like the donor and I don't bond with them&#129300;&#128532; I'm stressing about all the small stuff but I think it's because treatment will be starting so soon I just hope if once any future baby is finally here all will be ok and these are just silly worries.
> 
> Roll on Monday so I can get started again!!
> 
> Hope everybody else bumps and babies are all doing well &#128536; xx
> 
> I adopted my first born, so he doesn't look anything like me. I had him since birth, stayed with him in the hospital before he was released, took him home from there. I didn't feel like I bonded with him straight away, but by two months we were well bonded.Click to expand...

When DS was first born I would occasionally look at him wondering if he looked anything like the donor, but this passes and it doesn't take long before they just look like themselves. I am blond with blue eyes, donor has brown hair and eyes - Ds has ended up with copper hair and hazel eyes! when he's got wet hair he looks exactly like my sister when she was a little girl, when he's happy he looks like my brother, when he's grumpy he looks like me!!!! Even if they don't physically look like you when they're first born they quickly begin to mimic your facial expressions and mannerisms and suddenly look very like you and the people around them.


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## fairytales87

Thank you all for the reassurance ladies&#10084;&#65039;
This IVF is taking its toll already it's like a huge rollercoaster of hormones & emotions:wacko::wacko:
Right now I just want to cry & stay in bed & not see or speak to anybody until it's all over:shrug:


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## melodyy_mtb

Hey Ladies! :hi:

I wrote this huge reply and then lost it lol :(

*babycrazy1706* Welcome to our little group. These are a lovely group of women. You most definitely belong here. Your situation is like going back to a previous donor so that you can have a full sibling for your first child. We will support you as much as we can. Ask anything! fairytales87 is right though. A few of us recently had our rainbow babies (after long, challenging journeys) so it might be a bit quiet. But I look forward to following you on your journey. 

*darkriver* She is absolutely gorgeous!!! So happy your little girl has taken to the baby so easily. She must be such a proud loving big sis. Can't believe you're planning number 3 already! You're good lol. Such a strong lioness. x

*fairytales87* Awww thank you! So very sweet of you to say all that :hugs: You will be a fantastic mother. I know this because i see how much you want it and how much you have gone through to start your family already. I am so so glad that your appointment with this new amazing clinic went well. Sorry to hear you're feeling emotional. It is understandable. IVF is a big step. Things are getting serious now. This time next year you could be holding your lo in your arms. My only advice is to be kind to yourself. Take duvet days. Cry. Eat all the chocolate :hugs: It is also completely normal to wonder if your child will look like you or not. I thought about it constantly when i was pregnant. Not ashamed to admit i feel giddy every time someone says Zylan looks like me.

*K.N* Thinking of you KN. I have my eyes glued to your blog lol :kiss:

*Oxygen7880* Happy 23 weeks hun!! Hope your placenta moves by the next scan.

*AFM* Zylan is 20 weeks today! Crazy. He is the most hilarious little baby ever. My mood took a bit of a dive last week so I went to stay with my mum which was wonderful. I was just really exhausted as Zylan's sleep pattern has changed again. Things are slowly settling back into a calmer routine lol. Therapy is going so well. My anxiety levels have dropped from a 19 (out of 20) to an 8. However I have found that i feel sadder every now and then but my therapist said this often happens so I'm not overly worried. My mum is having Zylan tomorrow night so I can go to yoga and get an early night! 

Here is a little updated pic.


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## MombyChoice

Hi Ladies, my name is Tiffany and I am a single woman planning on TTC #1 starting in January 2017! I've been catching up on the more recent posts, congrats to all of you who have welcomed your little one this year-it's been amazing to read your posts from so long ago and to be able to instantly see how your story turned out-and my! Those are some beautiful babies! 

I know this page has been quiet recently but it looks like I'm not the only "new" member to be TTC or getting close to TTC, hopefully we can get to know one another and be a support system-with the already successful mommas there to offer advice as we navigate our paths on this journey. 

I'm planning on doing 3-6 home ICI inseminations (frozen donor sperm) before graduating to IUI if it doesn't take right away. I'm just turning 28 and have no known health issues so I am hopeful that with the right timing I will get a BFP from the home insemenations! I've been stalking BnB since last year and have learned so much and have loved following so many amazing women on this journey.

I identify as asexual and while I have never wanted a traditional relationship, I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. I want it all, the special baby time, the active toddler, the toilet training and picky eating, the parent-teacher conferences, the moody teen years...everything! I am an RN and also run an online business from home that can support me comfortably staying home long term if needed, I'm not wealthy but I am stable. I am super close to my mom and sister and have the full support of everyone I know, I'm very open with my "Choice Mom" plans. I am choosing to go through a bank for the legal assurances, the anonymity and to simplify the process.

I have thought about this for years and finally am ready to start TTC. I would love to have your support and join you all on your journeys too-there is something so special about celebrating the conception and eventually the birth of a new baby-no matter who it belongs to!


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## darkriver

Welcome Mum by choice. We are a small quite group but very supportive. I am thinking of ttcing again in october next year. It depends on my health though.


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## fairytales87

Ladies my appt today didn't go as expected
I'm utterly broken and will be taking time out from the board 
I wish you all the love and luck in the world
&#10084;&#65039;J xx


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## Oxygen7880

FairyTales I'm really sorry your appointment didn't go well. We are here if u need to talk xx


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## darkriver

fairytales87 said:


> Ladies my appt today didn't go as expected
> I'm utterly broken and will be taking time out from the board
> I wish you all the love and luck in the world
> &#10084;&#65039;J xx

I am so sorry things didnt go well. I hope you will be back soon x


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## darkriver

Oxygen7880 said:


> FairyTales I'm really sorry your appointment didn't go well. We are here if u need to talk xx

How are things going oxygen? Do you have a plan in place for labour yet? 

I have decided to start ttc October 2018. I will be tracking though from now so I can start to understand my cycles.


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## K.N

Aw sorry to hear Fairytales - Big hugs!! 

Melody: Zylan is soooo cute, Can't believe how old he is already! Crazy!

Darkriver; oh that's cool! Wee while away to get this tracked and controlled too :) You're brave hehe!!

AFM: Well, I started my third cycle. But second embryo transfer. Was stoked as a few days ago I got a positive HPT; But is likely to be a chemical. HCG was only at 13 on the day of my Beta. They like it to be over 50 apparently. Have another blood test in 2 days. Will see then for sure, but I'm not holding my hopes high!


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## Oxygen7880

Melody: how gorgeous is your little fella.

KN: all the best for you and I hope you get good news. 

DarkRiver: Can't believe I'm 25 weeks now and will be in third tri just after Xmas. I haven't thought much about the birth. It all seemed so far away but I think I better get my head around the fact that I really am going to have this little boy! My first labour was 6 and half hrs from first contraction to actually having her, so it was very fast. And she was stuck and I needed ventouse so it would likely have been even faster if I could have pushed her out. I'm wondering how this labour will go. All my plans first time around went out of the window really due to the speed of it all. The contractions started at 1 min 30 apart and never lenghtened. It was a total shock to my body though, no break from the pain at all. Who knows what will happen.
Was your second labour shorter? How are you getting on?


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## Oxygen7880

Also, welcome to the group mombychoice.


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## fairytales87

I know I said I was taking a break ladies but I just need to get this out
Yesterday I got another crappy result to add to last weeks & im truly broken and nobody IRL understands and I'm trying to stay strong and have a smile for them but it's tough!!:cry::cry::cry:

At my appt last week I was told yet another cyst which is taking over my ovary on one side and both my tubes are blocked & yesterday I found out that my AMH is very very low so even if I could do IVF as a solution to the blocked tubes they don't think I will respond well:cry::cry::cry::cry:

Thank you so much for listening & I'm so sorry for such a down hearted post ladies xxx


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## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> I know I said I was taking a break ladies but I just need to get this out
> Yesterday I got another crappy result to add to last weeks & im truly broken and nobody IRL understands and I'm trying to stay strong and have a smile for them but it's tough!!:cry::cry::cry:
> 
> At my appt last week I was told yet another cyst which is taking over my ovary on one side and both my tubes are blocked & yesterday I found out that my AMH is very very low so even if I could do IVF as a solution to the blocked tubes they don't think I will respond well:cry::cry::cry::cry:
> 
> Thank you so much for listening & I'm so sorry for such a down hearted post ladies xxx

Dearest Fairytales, you never need to apologise on this forum that's what's good about being on here. I am so gutted for you:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: and can only imagine how raw you must be feeling after getting all of these results one after another. I know there are a few treads on the assisted conception site that talk about AMH levels and if there's anything you can do to improve them. You mentioned that the new clinic are very good, have you been able to sit down with any of the nurses or Dr's to talk about things further? If it came to it might you consider a donated egg? A close single friend of mine was approved for adoption a couple of weeks ago (for a child between 0 - 2), it's not the path she originally planned for her life but after a lot of heart break over the past couple of years she decided earlier this year that this was something she wanted to try, she has been told to prepare to be paired early in the new year. I am very sorry that all of your recent hope has been dashed and I am sending you all by love and best wishes for your continuing journey - however you choose to proceed.


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## darkriver

Fairytales. I am really sorry that you have this to deal with this. We are all here for you. x


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## Oxygen7880

FairyTales I'm so sorry you have had such devastating news. There is no need to apologise at all. Even if it helps just a tiny bit then posting on here is a good thing.:hugs:


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## fairytales87

Merry Christmas girlies
I hope you all have a magical day & those with gorgeous babas have a
Wonderful 1st Christmas with them:cloud9::cloud9:


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## fairytales87

Hey Girls

I hope you and all bumps & babies are doing good
I'm back at clinic to see what my overies etc are doing now
Fingers crossed for better news this time!! I'm also hoping to chat to my consultant about what we can do if anything 

Much Love J&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;xx


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## Oxygen7880

FairyTales I hope the news was more positive for you xx


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## darkriver

fairytales87 said:


> Hey Girls
> 
> I hope you and all bumps & babies are doing good
> I'm back at clinic to see what my overies etc are doing now
> Fingers crossed for better news this time!! I'm also hoping to chat to my consultant about what we can do if anything
> 
> Much Love J&#10084;&#65039;&#10084;&#65039;xx

Hope you get good news hun.
I have taken a break from the forum as I was struggling with Amelia. We seem to be passing past that now thankfully.


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## K.N

Ohhhh fairytales, what crap news to get just before christmas!! :hugs: - this road never gets easier huh!? 
Hoping your consultant has a miracle plan for you xxx 

AFM: Yesterday was day 1 of my first cycle - since my second miscarriage. I wasn't going to go back to my clinic so soon, but it sort of just happened. So anyway, started progynova today and going at it..... again. 
One failed fresh cycle, two miscarriages from frozen cycles, here's hoping this is the one.


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## fairytales87

KN: I wish you all the love luck and bfp dust for this cycle&#128150;&#128150;&#128150;

Thanks for all the hugs & kind words ladies I'm slowly getting there 
I have good days where I just don't think of what's happening and bad days where it's all I think about and I cry most of those days but I know I will get through this somehow xx


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## darkriver

How is everyone?


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## K.N

Not too terribly myself, BFN from this cycle. So I'm trying my best to push for other tests or perhaps different medications! 2 embryos left, so i want to do what i can for those two and give them the best hope i can!!


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## fairytales87

Dark River: How are you & your gorg girlies?

KN: I'm so sorry Hun huge hugs 
I hope your clinic will get you more answers and hopefully find out sort what's 
causing the mc & Impf for you. Will keep you in my prayers xx

Everybody else: I hope your all well xx

AUFM: I'm not so patiently waiting for April to arrive to start IVF 
We are giving it a shot to see if we can get any eggs etc and praying really hard that it's a success I figured if we didn't I would always think what if!!
I'm also starting a new job then too 
One with better hours and only a 20minute commute however also a very big pay drop but we can't have it all eh? xx


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## melodyy_mtb

Heeeeey ladies! Omg I haven't been on here for such a long time! :o I missed Christmas and everything! I'm so sorry. I always just assumed I would continue to post on here frequently after the baby was born but I never in my life imagined how exhausted I would be! Physically and emotionally. But I hope to get things flowing again with you guys. I missed you so much. Not much going on with us. Lil man is 8 months old and I still can't believe he is here. We have not long got back from visiting my grandparents in Dominica for a month. Little Z was so good on the plane rides there and back, and took to the island life like a duck to water.

How has everyone been? I can see I have missed a lot, but keep up with KN through our blogs (which I post on more). Hope you're doing ok though KN, I think about you all the time. xxx

What about the rest of you? Fairytales you ok? Anyone trying right now? How are all the little bambinos doing? Oh and hello to any new people :hugs::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


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## fairytales87

Wow 8 months old that time has flown past!!
I'm doing ok my thyroid however isn't playing nice so treatment is on hold until it behaves as my doc thinks it's the cause of my losses so don't want to do anymore until it's sorted but I hope it's soon as the switching up and down on the meds is making me sick dizzy and tired all the time which isn't very nice lol.

Hope everyone else is doing well xx


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## Caite

Wow - it's been ages (again) since I've been on here. Just caught up on all the posts. Congratulations Melody and DarkRiver - your babies are gorgeous!

Fairytales - sorry you're having such a difficult time at the moment.

I'm still waiting. I really, really hope that this year I will finally start trying. I knew that last year wouldn't be the year, so coming on here was getting me a bit down. I managed not to think about things too much last year, but more and more this year, I find myself thinking of having a child. Fingers crossed I am actually able to do something about it this year.


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## Oxygen7880

Ethan James Buchanan born 29th March 17. 7lb 13oz. I was in labour for 12 hours which was double the time with my girl. Labour was very different though. I did it all again just using gas and air from 7cm. And this time no interventions and I pushed him out myself. The hardest thing I have ever done but wow that feeling of accomplishment.


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## Caite

Oxygen, he is adorable! Congratulations. And it sounds like you coped really well with quite a long labour.


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## K.N

Yeah Melody, I too have been a bit slack on here! It's crazy haha. Definitely keep more up to date with things on my blog though! Things get too hectic sometimes I think! Trying to decide whether I go ahead and transfer this month or not. 

I've had a hysteroscopy done, and a scratch, and also have had a massive list of blood tests done too - still waiting on results though. So doctors are trying to find a cause for my inhostile uterus - but until then, things are a bit crazy!!

Ohhh Caite, I really hope this is your year! Waiting is especially hard, so all my fingers and toes are crossed for you that 2017 brings great things!

Oxygen, hes gorgeous!! Well done! :hugs:


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## MombyChoice

Hi everyone! Although I've been lurking around and not posting much, I wanted to thank you all for sharing your stories, your pregnancies, efforts to conceive and more on here.... as a "wanna be" choice mom, all of your conversations, joys, heartbreaks and everything in between have been a wealth of information and reassurance as I start my own motherhood journey...so THANK YOU to each and everyone of you. 

Melody: An extra special thank you to you, reading through YEARS of posts and watching your journey unfold in minutes and hours compared to the years you lived it was incredible, I felt all of your joy and sadness and fear and I am so happy you have your little boy that you waited so long for.

Oxygen: Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy, he is perfect! Looks like a little doll! And your daughter is darling-she looks so proud in your profile pic!

Caite: Hello! I don't think we've chatted before, I am new here. Is it rude to ask what you are waiting for to start TTC? Just curious because I've had conversations with myself about starting TTC now or waiting longer...but I've been waiting years! 

K.N.-Hope you get good results on the bloodwork you are waiting on and are back to TTC soon

AFM: April 2017 will officially mark my first month ever TTC. Yes, compared to you ladies I am a serious newbie...so please, any and all advice is welcome-I could use all the help I can get! Lol. Just finished AF and watching and waiting for ovulation now. I was going to work with a local bank but have settled on a known donor who lives a few hours away...I am typically way too cautious of a person to go this route but everything fell into place and I am excited about TTC with fresh vs. frozen sperm. Found my donor on Known Donor Registry...is married with two healthy children (1boy, 1 girl)...his wife got cancer and cannot have any more children but he doesn't feel "done". She is on board and supportive. Donor is also donating to two lesbian couples, in addition to little ole me :) Contract and STD testing is all in place, just fyi. Though it is a serious risk no matter how you look at it. 

While unbelievably excited about actually TTC for the first time ever...I feel surprisingly calm and relaxed about the whole thing...this is obviously a life changing decision, especially should I get first time lucky (which come on, doesn't everyone hope for that!?) but I am simply ready, done waiting for life to be perfect and content in knowing that life will always have challenges, changes and rough times...with or without a baby.

I will admit I'm stuck in the first timer way of thinking that of course it'll happen right away, since I've never ttc before and have never even been exposed to sperm (asexual virgin here lol). But I hope to lean on you ladies and these boards for support as I start my journey. Thanks for reading :)


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## DeuceMom

deleted


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## Caite

Hi MumbyChoice - nice to meet you. You must be so excited that you start TTC soon - all the best with it, and let's hope you are lucky first try.

I'm waiting for a number of reasons (something always seems to crop up!). I have some family issues going on at the moment, I want to be a bit more financially stable (I could afford IVF right now, and my maternity pay wouldn't be too bad compared to most) and I want to lose 2-3 stone. I should have started much sooner, but there never seemed to be the motivation, there was always something else stopping me TTC so it never seemed like too much of a big deal, but now I want it gone before pregnancy. I have a massive family history of type 2 diabetes and I want to do everything possible to avoid gestational diabetes.

I keep thinking it would be good to go the less medicated route (I avoid meds at all cost normally - I can't even remember when I last took a paracetamol!) but my periods are so irregular that IVF would give the best possible chance, I'm sure. Someone I know (not well enough to ask lots of questions) was going through IVF and she really struggled, so I'm hoping that that isn't always the case - I'm sure I'm kidding myself there, though - it must be so tough!

It's also going to be tough fitting it all in with work, now. I finally have a contract which means I can't just pick and choose when I work (that would have made it so much easier for IVF) - though at least I now have job security. It's just going to involve more planning and organisation!

KN - when do you get all the results back?


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## darkriver

I am really undecided what to do. It been horrible few months. I am currently being treated for psychosis. I have never felt like this before. I swing from wanting another to never being pregnant again.


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## DeuceMom

deleted


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## darkriver

Thank you. I am on medication and hopefully will finally get pasts it.


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## Caite

Darkriver - sorry you're having a difficult time at the moment :hugs:

I feel quite excited - I have (I think) just taken the first step in TTC! I have ordered online a day 21 progesterone blood test. I figured I would use the home ovulation tests to see if anything happens, and if I get a positive on those (got to work out how to use them!), then I'll do the blood test and send it off. I'm kind of hoping that, if I do ovulate, I can try home insemination first! I would like to do it as drug-free as possible.

I know it's not even a massive step, but it does actually feel like I'm doing something, moving towards TTC - I feel both massively excited and absolutely terrified (of the possibility of not ovulating and that I might have a TTC date sooner than I was expecting!).


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## fairytales87

Caite said:


> Darkriver - sorry you're having a difficult time at the moment :hugs:
> 
> I feel quite excited - I have (I think) just taken the first step in TTC! I have ordered online a day 21 progesterone blood test. I figured I would use the home ovulation tests to see if anything happens, and if I get a positive on those (got to work out how to use them!), then I'll do the blood test and send it off. I'm kind of hoping that, if I do ovulate, I can try home insemination first! I would like to do it as drug-free as possible.
> 
> I know it's not even a massive step, but it does actually feel like I'm doing something, moving towards TTC - I feel both massively excited and absolutely terrified (of the possibility of not ovulating and that I might have a TTC date sooner than I was expecting!).

It doesn't matter the size on the steps
Excitment and fear are both normal welcome on board the ttc rollercoaster 
I hope to be back on it sometime soon
Good Luck Hun xx


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## K.N

Oh no; Darkriver - that doesn't sound good. Hugs xx

Caite - Should be any day now! And yay, I'm so glad for you making a start on your ttc journey! may only be small steps, but they are still STEPS and thats all it takes!!!

I started a cycle this month, so have started taking all the drugs for a transfer for this month! Hoping and praying that embryo #5 is the one!


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## Caite

Fingers crossed that this is your month, KN!


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## K.N

I really hope so! It's so weird, my last transfer cycle - I found it really hard to be optimistic, and couldn't think positive. I don't know why; of course I was guttered when it didn't work - but kind of half expected it. This month I am so into it - and thinking so positive and doing everything perfect. I feel like "this" is the month. But I know it also may not be. Feel like I'll be heartbroken and so upset if it ISNT the month!

Really starting to wonder,, how much more can I go through :/. Only have two embryos left - out of 6! So if this month doesn't work, I'll only have one left. And the idea of transferring that last little embryo just seems crazy. And scary. And I don't want to have to do it! So I'm praying that embaby #5 - is the one to stick and stay!


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## Rags

K.N said:


> I really hope so! It's so weird, my last transfer cycle - I found it really hard to be optimistic, and couldn't think positive. I don't know why; of course I was guttered when it didn't work - but kind of half expected it. This month I am so into it - and thinking so positive and doing everything perfect. I feel like "this" is the month. But I know it also may not be. Feel like I'll be heartbroken and so upset if it ISNT the month!
> 
> Really starting to wonder,, how much more can I go through :/. Only have two embryos left - out of 6! So if this month doesn't work, I'll only have one left. And the idea of transferring that last little embryo just seems crazy. And scary. And I don't want to have to do it! So I'm praying that embaby #5 - is the one to stick and stay!

KN, I'm crossing everything and sending a wish out to the universe for you as I type. I'm glad to hear you're feeling positive, I know you've been through a lot to get here - and here you are! You have two lovely little frozen dreams sitting there waiting for their chance and that's more than they would have had if you'd not persevered. Keep your chin up and go for it and I hope this one's the charm.:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


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## Caite

It must be tough going through it month after month. Have you had your results back yet?

I have never wanted to see my period so much in my life at the moment. Once this one if out the way, I may at least know whether or not I'm ovulating. Maybe then I can start making some plans!


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## Rosie2017

I just read through 95% of all the messages! Wow what a journey you guys have been on, I'm so sad this thread isn't so active, but it's not dormant and that's great! It's been going for years! Hi! I am a young woman who has been wanting a baby since I was 15, still not TTC yet, as I want to lose some weight, get a new job and such... I know I am young but never really felt it, and since I've been broody and felt my biological clock ticking since 15 (5.5years) I feel like it's been so long and I'll run out of time if I don't get started in the next couple years.. Plus it's absolutely torture to constantly wish you were pregnant but know you aren't (I don't date so no chance of accidentally getting knocked up) but I get so sad when the witch (A.F) arrives, even though I know its the only thing that can happen haha... So thought I'd join this group, as I am hoping in the next year or 2 I will be joining you guys! :D


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## Rosie2017

Oh and I also wanted to ask what you guys think about something... Most people think being a single mum isnt ideal so you shouldn't choose it etc... Just wait for the right time etc etc.. Of course there is no perfect time, in any sense really. But is it bad to plan to have a baby when you aren't in a great place, mentally I've been ready for a long time, I already have plenty that they will need and have been preparing for a long time. But not only am I single, I am jobless, living at home, little-no savings...But desperately want a baby.. Yet I don't see this as so bad (bad enough to delay me for years but am getting used to it :'D ) don't judged me too harshly I'm just really broody (again!) at the moment. I watched my friend go through pregnancy, towards the end of high school, she now has 2 kids to the same guy, who dumped her after she gave birth to the first one, she has never worked, lives on the benefit (few jobs in this country/ area I live so this is normal for young adults here, though I've never been on the benefit) and lives a really happy life with her kids... And recently my sister who is a year younger than me and is always posting on fb asking for a place to stay for a week or two, or some spare cash, started dating a guy, then within a month got pregnant, they now live together and she has a 1 month old... I have worked plenty, and just 6 months ago was living on my own, studying full time, back in my home country- now am back with parents for now, looking to move back to my home country to work, and think about having a kid, I will only do it if I get a job and can get a bit of savings... but is this as bad as everyone I know acts like it is.. I mean I'm way more prepared than those who accidentally get pregnant and just deal as best they can so is it really that bad? Sorry for such a long message but this has been an ongoing war in my head for 5 loooooooong years


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## K.N

Hi Rosie :) - This definitely has been a lengthy thread!! It's always good to have a friendly support, that when needed - is right there! We all often check in and just read and may or may not post about our own stories each time - but often reply to each other! I think life just gets a bit crazy sometimes! I know for one, I blog most of my own journey as it gets pretty hectic that sometimes its easier! I looove reading back on my blog too, often ill go back to my first ever posts etc. I started my blog before I even started "properly" ttc!! 

We're all in different stages, some wtt for various reasons, some ttc (both short and long term!) some with bubbas already, yet we all know exactly what each other has been through in terms of ttc - as a single woman! The world can definitely be quite judgemental, and I think it's important to remember that as long as you're happy and can commit to the decision, who cares what others think!! :)

Before I started my proper TTC journey, way back 4 years ago - i was at uni, living with my mum; and also didnt have a lot of savings but still went for it! While yes - babies CAN be expensive; as long as you have love you always make the extra stuff come after. I think you find a way to make it work! The difference with us SMBC is we PLAN parenthood, we know it's coming, we know what we want. So the idea of having no savings is scarier; than like you said those who don't plan it (single or couple!) and suddenly have 9 months to get savings and everything needed - yet they always cope! - A big welcome to this thread, and I hope we can answer any questions and help you along your journey xxxxx


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## K.N

As for me - i got my results back, well - sort of? She said oh yeah your results are back it looks allgood. But that was it? Didn't mention anything at all! So weird. 

Not to long though till transfer. Has been a super super long month so far. Dragging along. Scan was allgood, and blood test in 2 days! Still on the oestrogen and aspirin. Will start the pessaries, antibiotics and steroids in a couple of days. This is crazy!! 

Meanwhile; my friend and I have been dream shopping (she has a newborn, and everyone who knows me, knows i cant resist cute baby stuff!). Melody, (i only ask you coz you've shipped to me before hahaha) Can I buy stuff in the UK and get it shipped to you and have you ship it to me? haha! I hear theres a way to transfer postage money via paypal :O


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## DeuceMom

deleted


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## Rosie2017

K.N- Wow that sounds hectic! Good luck with it all :) thank you for the welcome and support. What is your blog? I'll check it out, I read Melody has one too but unsure of hers either... I've been considering starting a blog too, recently :) I read that you were not quite 21 at the beginning of this thread, thats actually the reason I wanted to post, I did it a couple years back on a site and got reported and blocked because they said I was too young (even though I was of age) this is the first time I've come back to one of these kinds of websites since.. But I saw your age and no-one said anything, so felt comfortable enough to post :) so glad to find some nice, open/accepting people.. Maybe it's because everyone's planning to be a single mother so aren't really expecting "traditional" situations :)

DeuceMom- Thank you! Yeah I know there is no real right or perfect time... I definitely won't be getting pregnant before i get another job and am able to get some savings, otherwise I have wasted years waiting for nothing haha... 
In terms of costs, as I have been thinking about this for 5 years, I have already got a decent amount of stuff in preparation (I just call it my weird hobby to people who dont understand) and have mini plans set in place for most thing- such as how to conceive, I was hoping a close friend of mine would help me- as we have discussed it before- but he's saying he doesn't want to do anything like that for another 5-10years(!) even though he has no intention of being more than a donor/friend and has no interest in the child itself, which is his choice but I don't want to wait that long, so I've been researching online donors in Australia and New Zealand (where I live) and am looking into at home IUI, as far as I know (going to go back for new testing because it's been over a year) I am totally healthy and shouldn't have problems conceiving but as anyone in the ttc group knows, that means nothing, so will see... When I'm in a better situation, probably when I go back to NZ and look for work, then I will re-evaluate my plan :D


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## Caite

Hi Rosie,

I'm currently WTT - it seems like it has been forever. I think I seriously started considering doing it on my own in my early 20s - I'm 30 now. Whilst I've dated during that time, it's never been anyone serious that I could see myself having a baby with. A number of my friends have children, some have split up with the dads and it's a nightmare for all involved. I decided early on that if I didn't find a man I could see myself raising a child with, I would rather do it alone.

For numerous reasons, I have been waiting years. Every time I think that's it, it'll bet his year, something crops up. However, I think this year will be the year I start TTC. I do feel disappointed that I've left it this long, but I've had a few really good and enjoyable years since making the decision and I don't regret them.

KN - great news your tests look good, I guess it would have been good to have some more feedback though.

I think AF might be on it's way, which means that soon I should be able to find out if I'm ovulating or not. Scary and exciting!


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## DeuceMom

deleted


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## Rags

DeuceMom said:


> Rosie2017 said:
> 
> 
> I've been researching online donors in Australia and New Zealand (where I live) and am looking into at home IUI, as far as I know (going to go back for new testing because it's been over a year) I am totally healthy and shouldn't have problems conceiving but as anyone in the ttc group knows, that means nothing, so will see... When I'm in a better situation, probably when I go back to NZ and look for work, then I will re-evaluate my plan :D
> 
> The one done at home is ICI. First step, though, would be to chart your cycles for a few months and do OPK testing to be sure you ovulate and such. That's something you can do now, even though you aren't actually TTC yet. It's really useful in keeping costs down (because timing is crucial in this endeavor) and especially helpful if you end up needing fertility treatment.Click to expand...

I fully agree with taking the time to do a bit of charting and OPK testing early on, it give a good indication if you're ovulating and when you eventually start TTC you have a fair bit more knowledge of your body and how/when it all works. I did basil body temps for 6 months before I began trying and although the clinic I went to based insemination times on OPK tests I went in to have my insemination knowing that I had actually ovulated, in fact on my 3rd IUI (the one I conceived on) I contacted the clinic based on my temps rather than the OPK as I always found them difficult - trying to work out when the line was at it's darkest.


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## Rosie2017

Thanks guys, yeah I own a lot of ovulation tests, havent been using them for a while but I'm pretty used to the signs (I started tracking it when I was 15) but I have been thinking about starting to properly pinpoint them again and wrote down all recent AFs in a journal to help... Yeah I know ICI is usually done at home, but I plan on doing IUI, it can be done at home and I have looked into doing it safely and all proper procedures- but haven't decided yet whether I will do ICI or IUI, I just like that IUI has better chances even if a little harder to do at home, far from impossible :)


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## Rosie2017

I do ovulate, but it only gives a rough guess for the next month because, while regular, my periods do change every month, despite having no health reasons according to doctors (could simply be because I have weight to lose, though they have always been like this) it ranges from 30-34 days, and I usually ovulate CD16-20


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## K.N

Yeah - I definitely started my journey earlier than most! And looking back, I was like whhaat was I thinking! I was actually only 19 when I contemplated this route! Definitely crazy, but then NOW I'm nearly 25, and still not any closer to pregnancy or motherhood - so I'm glad I DID start early! Guess when you know in your heart what you want, at the end of the day that's what's important.

I second/third what everyone else has said about using the "inbetween" months before actually TTC to find and start a good prenatal vitamin, find a good charting APP (I used pink pad - but there are heaps of others), and start noting down cycles and things. Even though you may know it, I found it really good to actually "document" and have to look back on, especially when I got to needing Dr's involvement - it made it so much handier to have on hand. 

My blog is in my signature also - but there is A LOT to catch up on haha. A four+ year journey! I love that you have stuff in advance, i do too (maybe too much!) - i call it my weird "one day" hobby too haha. Positive thinking!!


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## K.N

As for me - I had my final blood test pre transfer today. All good, Transfer booked now. 5 days to go! &#55357;&#56908;&#55356;&#57339;&#55357;&#56908;&#55356;&#57339;

A bit nervous about starting the rest of the drugs tomorrow though. Going to have SO many tablets to remember to take!!

Hope everyone else is going well xxxx


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## Rosie2017

Yeah I have pink pad too :) I am glad that I have my cycles written down, I take basic vitamins, I will start taking the prenatal vitamins I have when I get closer to my goal, a few months before I try :)
K.N- yay for no more blood tests for now, sorry you have to take so many pills but hopefully it means you'll get your baby soon, baby dust to you! Hopefully the 5 days don't drag on! Good luck :) (also so it is I didn't notice your blog on signature, thanks)


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## fairytales87

Dark River: hope your doing ok?:hugs:

Rags: lovely to see you posting how are you and LO?

Melody: Hope you and baby Z are good? How's your new job?

KN: Everything Crossed for you:kiss:

Caite: I'm super excited for you starting to properly TTC!! Have you changed your mind about your treatment plans from before?
You were going abroad and using a complete anonymous donor before I think?

Rosie: welcome to the solo mama thread 
Everyone is lovely & I agree there is no perfect time for a baby 
I wish you well in your journey look forward to sharing it with you 


AUFM: 
I had a few health concerns which seem to be getting better
*fingers crossed* 
Can't remember if I mentioned here but my mental health took a huge turn my anxiety and depression were through the roof so I'm taking things a day at a time!!
IVF has taken a bit of a back step for me recently due to the above
Also my hormone levels & my thyroid levels aren't playing nice 
I also stopped my meds and my prenatal vits whilst unwell so I need to start them all again and pray for my thyroid hormones etc to sort themselves out before I can do my next round

Hugs to all xx


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## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Dark River: hope your doing ok?:hugs:
> 
> Rags: lovely to see you posting how are you and LO?
> 
> Melody: Hope you and baby Z are good? How's your new job?
> 
> KN: Everything Crossed for you:kiss:
> 
> Caite: I'm super excited for you starting to properly TTC!! Have you changed your mind about your treatment plans from before?
> You were going abroad and using a complete anonymous donor before I think?
> 
> Rosie: welcome to the solo mama thread
> Everyone is lovely & I agree there is no perfect time for a baby
> I wish you well in your journey look forward to sharing it with you
> 
> 
> AUFM:
> I had a few health concerns which seem to be getting better
> *fingers crossed*
> Can't remember if I mentioned here but my mental health took a huge turn my anxiety and depression were through the roof so I'm taking things a day at a time!!
> IVF has taken a bit of a back step for me recently due to the above
> Also my hormone levels & my thyroid levels aren't playing nice
> I also stopped my meds and my prenatal vits whilst unwell so I need to start them all again and pray for my thyroid hormones etc to sort themselves out before I can do my next round
> 
> Hugs to all xx

Oh fairytales, I'm sorry to hear that your health is letting you down at the moment. It's hard enough getting through the whole TTC stuff without your body not playing the game. Sometimes a proper break then starting fresh is just the thing I think.

As for me and DS - Ds is fabulous and wonderful and amazing and 7!!! how he got to that age so quickly I have no idea. I've had a pretty rubbish time since Christmas. Sudden and unexpected illness of my mum between Christmas and New Year left us all reeling and not knowing what would happen next. Unfortunately by mid February she had lost her battle and we were all fairly shocked. Ds was brilliant, so empathetic and loving, knowing just when I need a hug, at one point advising that 'maybe we shouldn't watch this film at this time mum' - I'd not realised it started with a death scene and he didn't want to upset me. I've a very supportive family and we're all here for each other so we're getting through it. The sun has been out for the past few days which is lovely and gives us an excuse to get out and about for more stuff than just work and school - the distraction we were needing.


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## Rosie2017

Fairytale- I'm sorry things haven't been going well for you, hopefully things pick up, your body starts playing along better and things get better for you, and fx the health concerns go away.

Rags- I'm so sorry for your loss :(


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## fairytales87

Oh Hun I'm so sorry to hear about your mum:hugs:
Your DS sounds like a little gem xx


----------



## K.N

Oh no, sorry to hear Rags :( Glad your wee one is so supportive, i think its lovely when they can show empathy at such a young age! :hugs:

Also sorry to hear your health has taken a turn fairytales - make sure you're being kind to yourself xx

Exciting Caite - i hope your wait to officially start ttc is over soon!!


----------



## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Oh Hun I'm so sorry to hear about your mum:hugs:
> Your DS sounds like a little gem xx

It really brings into focus what being a mum really means. I can't help but hope that I'm half the mum to Ds that mine was to me - and to everyone else she came into contact with, and that he will think of me as warmly when my time eventually comes. God that sounds fairly morbid doesn't it!


----------



## fairytales87

Rags said:


> fairytales87 said:
> 
> 
> Oh Hun I'm so sorry to hear about your mum:hugs:
> Your DS sounds like a little gem xx
> 
> It really brings into focus what being a mum really means. I can't help but hope that I'm half the mum to Ds that mine was to me - and to everyone else she came into contact with, and that he will think of me as warmly when my time eventually comes. God that sounds fairly morbid doesn't it!Click to expand...


I'm sure your every bit the amazing mum yours was & he sure will<3


----------



## Caite

Fairytales - sorry you've not had a great time of things recently. I hope you're feeling better, mentally and physically, very soon. I've decided I'm going to give home insemination a shot first - I'd rather do it without a whole bunch of drugs and trips abroad if at all possible. I've ordered an at home ovulation blood test online (it's done as a capillary blood sample from the finger tip - I'm sure it's going to take forever to fill the little bottle one drop at a time!). If that confirms that I am ovulating, then I will give the at home route a go. If it doesn't, or if things don't happen, my plan is overseas IVF. I still plan on doing it anonymously, though - it is possible to import sperm from abroad (from a clinic). It would seem a bit bizarre really ordering it online but it can be done. Anyway, if the ovulation tests are good, I'm thinking July/August for my first attempt (depending on when AF arrives). 

Rags - I'm so sorry about your mum. Your little boy does seem very mature for his age.


----------



## Rags

Caite said:


> Fairytales - sorry you've not had a great time of things recently. I hope you're feeling better, mentally and physically, very soon. I've decided I'm going to give home insemination a shot first - I'd rather do it without a whole bunch of drugs and trips abroad if at all possible. I've ordered an at home ovulation blood test online (it's done as a capillary blood sample from the finger tip - I'm sure it's going to take forever to fill the little bottle one drop at a time!). If that confirms that I am ovulating, then I will give the at home route a go. If it doesn't, or if things don't happen, my plan is overseas IVF. I still plan on doing it anonymously, though - it is possible to import sperm from abroad (from a clinic). It would seem a bit bizarre really ordering it online but it can be done. Anyway, if the ovulation tests are good, I'm thinking July/August for my first attempt (depending on when AF arrives).
> 
> Rags - I'm so sorry about your mum. Your little boy does seem very mature for his age.

Caite, it can all feel a bit strange in the planning stages, all the wading through profiles, deciding how and why you're choosing one over another - believe me it's really strange when the door gets knocked and the delivery driver hands you a package of sperm and you know what's in there and they don't!!!!!:wacko: 
How you decide to go about it is purely between you, and your little one in the future, no one else gets to make comment on it as it's about your life. 
The capillary blood test sounds a bit dramatic if you need to fill the whole vile?! Capillary testing usually only involves getting a decent drop of blood onto a testing strip - hope that's how it works for you or it'll be like milking your finger (maybe good practice though if you intend to breast feed/express in the futre:haha::winkwink:


----------



## fairytales87

Caite said:


> Fairytales - sorry you've not had a great time of things recently. I hope you're feeling better, mentally and physically, very soon. I've decided I'm going to give home insemination a shot first - I'd rather do it without a whole bunch of drugs and trips abroad if at all possible. I've ordered an at home ovulation blood test online (it's done as a capillary blood sample from the finger tip - I'm sure it's going to take forever to fill the little bottle one drop at a time!). If that confirms that I am ovulating, then I will give the at home route a go. If it doesn't, or if things don't happen, my plan is overseas IVF. I still plan on doing it anonymously, though - it is possible to import sperm from abroad (from a clinic). It would seem a bit bizarre really ordering it online but it can be done. Anyway, if the ovulation tests are good, I'm thinking July/August for my first attempt (depending on when AF arrives).
> 
> Rags - I'm so sorry about your mum. Your little boy does seem very mature for his age.


Wow I didn't think you could ship to a non clinic address in the UK 
I thought there was legal issues. 
Fingers crossed your blood show your ovulating at you can begin as planned:cloud9:


----------



## fairytales87

As for me I have decided to quit ttc completely 

I will still read/keep up with you all and your journeys xx


----------



## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> As for me I have decided to quit ttc completely
> 
> I will still read/keep up with you all and your journeys xx

Oh Fairytales, I'm sorry your journey has come to an end in this way, I will look forward to hearing from you and finding out how your life is going. All the best to you for whatever the universe has in store for you. Xx


----------



## K.N

Caite: I've never heard of capillary testing! Does it check your hormones or something?? Hoping things go easily for you - and that things work out at home well, because that definitely would be a lot easier and kinder on your body! If you are ovulating that is. But always good to have a back up plan. Exciting,, July/August - really isn't that far away at all when you think about it! 

Ordering sperm isn't really a common thing here - actually it's really hard! Unless you know someone etc. And even with the clinical side of things - doing in home insem isn't an overly common thing. Which I find relatively surprising, because single mums aside - there is a high need for sperm donors AND being able to do it at home,, is way more affordable - and easier, and kinder (less drugs etc!). They tend to encourage IUI at the clinics here if you don't know someone to do in home insem on your own. 

Ohhhh fairytales. That makes me so sad for you - I know how desperately you wanted this. I'm sorry things kept going so pear shaped for you :( Life sucks sometimes - incredibly so. Sending lots of hugs and love your way, and IF - IF you ever do decide to jump back on the band wagon, know we're all here for you. And if you don't - and your TTC journey is totally over; we have all travelled so much through this part of your life so if you're ever feeling sad, or lonely - or just want a chat we're here for you xx


----------



## Rosie2017

Fairytales- i'm so sorry things haven't worked out the way you were hoping, hopefully you get a nice surprise to make up for the mishaps along the way... We are here for you if you need us! :)


----------



## melodyy_mtb

Hey ladies. Things have been a bit hectic here. I've started my driving lessons again, got a part-time job, and have been organising a huge naming ceremony for Z this Saturday. Miss you ladies. I keep leaving it so long. I can't believe Z will be 1 in 2 months :O I have been planning to try for baby no 2 soon. It was going to be this spring but finances and everything else got in the way. Hopefully I will be joining you lovely ladies back on the ttc train soon. 

*fairytales87* So glad things are starting to look up for you, health wise. Like you said, it's just a case of one day at a time. We're good. The new job is taking a bit of getting used tom especially constantly relying on my mum for babysitting :( but we're getting there. Hope you can start your next cycle soon x

*Caite* So cool to have you back! Really hope you can get the ball rolling this year.

*Oxygen7880* Ethan is absolutely gorgeous!!! Well done on your amazing birth experience x

*K.N* I haven't been very vocal on your blog but just know that I am watching and waiting with baited breath. Just praying with every fibre of my being for yo. And yeah sure ill ship stuff over for you. No problem, just let me know. Inbox me. Fingers crossed for transfer! :happydance: :hugs:

*MombyChoice* Welcome welcome welcome!!!! Aww your incredibly sweet comment made me shed a tear. Thank you for taking the time to read through all of our ups and downs. You say you're a newbie but you have definitely covered more basis than I did back when i was doing at home ai. I wish you all the luck in the world. I get a very good vibe from you :) I hope to be reading your birth story someday soon. Its good that you are positive. You have to be. Sure many of us have struggled (and continue to struggle) to conceive, but it can just need that one try. I hope this is yours. xx

*darkriver* Thinking of you. I'm so happy to hear that you got help and are being treated. Too many women suffer in silence. I dealt with intense postnatal anxiety and depression and only begun to get better once i opened up about it all. So keep talking :hugs:

*Rosie2017* Welcome to the group. It is full of loads of lovely women who are at all stages of ttc, waiting etc. Hope you find all the help/answers you're looking for x

*Rags* I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. My thoughts and prays are with you. Can't believe wee man is 7 already! Time really does fly. It sounds like you have a very loving, emotionally mature, kind little boy. So glad you have all of that support and such an amazing son. x


----------



## Caite

Rags - I was amazed at how much blood they want. I'd guess the vials about 2ml (I've not taken it out the packet but it's about half the size of what we normally take bloods in), so about 30 drops I guess! - I'm going to be there for ever! I'll definitely have to make sure I'm in when they deliver - no way would I want it going to the neighbour's house! I'm trying not to get too bogged down with wading through profiles - I want an anonymous donation, so all there is is the basic details to go from, nothing much to choose from.

KN - capillary sampling is just a slightly less invasive way of taking blood, the sample you normally have taken is venous, this is a pin prick basically to your finger (it's like what diabetics do). It gets sent to some lab and they'll check to see if I've ovulated.

Fairytales - from what I read (somewhere, can't remember where now) when shipping from abroad, they can't ship anonymously to clinics because of the HFEA regulations on anonymity but can ship to private addresses. Because it's coming from abroad though, I think the regulations might be different than sperm from within the UK. I'm sorry about your decision :hugs:


----------



## Caite

Melody - wow, nearly 1 year old! And you do sound as though you've been busy lately. Fingers crossed you get to start TTC again soon!


----------



## fairytales87

Thanks ladies yous all don't realise just how great yous all are<3
I would have been lost without all your love and support along this journey:hugs:

Melody I hope today goes just amazing 

xx


----------



## K.N

Just popping in quickly- havent read the previous couple posts since i last logged in. It's mothers day here in NZ and so wanted to come wish you ALL a big happy mothers day and send love and hugs to the whole group <3.

I got a bit of a mothers day shock this morning - am 5 days past transfer,, and decided what the heck ill take a hpt - not expecting anything!! BUT it was another bfp!! I still have a whole week till my beta, the line was faint - but definitely there. Feel a bit like its all a trick... I did a post on my blog with a pic,, but slowly as the day has gone on - now ive started "waiting" for bleeding or cramps or some sign it wont stick. Feels too good to be true. Damn infertility and miscarriages robbing me from what SHOULD be a crazy exciting test result!


----------



## fairytales87

Happy Mothers Day KN what a fabulous present :cloud9::happydance:
I'm sorry your worried I think anybody that has been on a journey like yours would be too but hopefully this is your take home baby

Please Stick little baby[-o&lt;[-o&lt;

Love n hugs xx


----------



## Rags

KN, I'm so hoping this is a mother's day to remember for you. Fingers, toes and legs crossed. Xx


----------



## Caite

KN I'm so excited for you - massive congratulations! And on Mother's Day too! :happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## Rosie2017

K.N said:


> decided what the heck ill take a hpt - not expecting anything!! BUT it was another bfp!!

That's so exciting! I hope it sticks! I just replied to your message then read this... Would make for an awesome mothers day :D Fingers and toes crossed for you :)


To everyone else Happy Mothers Day for Sunday :)


----------



## fairytales87

Think of you KN I hope you get a good result today xx


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## K.N

Got my blood results yesterday - and have an hcg level of 250! Woot! 
My last hcg test that resulted in miscarriage started out at only 13, so while i dont know what the "norm" is or whats high or low, im guessing 250 is MUCH better than 13, so for now im feeling a bit more relieved. 

Hasn't got rid of the anxiety though, i still keep thinking im going to loose it - every twinge or something. I just have to remmeber to stay calm! I have another blood test in 3 days, and then normally they do a third one - and its the third one that always brings bad news. So trying to stay calm and make it past then!


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## Rags

K.N said:


> Got my blood results yesterday - and have an hcg level of 250! Woot!
> My last hcg test that resulted in miscarriage started out at only 13, so while i dont know what the "norm" is or whats high or low, im guessing 250 is MUCH better than 13, so for now im feeling a bit more relieved.
> 
> Hasn't got rid of the anxiety though, i still keep thinking im going to loose it - every twinge or something. I just have to remmeber to stay calm! I have another blood test in 3 days, and then normally they do a third one - and its the third one that always brings bad news. So trying to stay calm and make it past then!

KN, I'm so pleased for you even though I completely understand your anxiety. I hope you've some distractions planned for the next couple of weeks as I know how torturous they can be. Anyway, good luck from me, I'll be thinking about you lots.


----------



## Caite

KN - I'm so excited for you! 250 definitely sounds better than 13!


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## fairytales87

I can't accept that ttc is over yet can't do anything about it and times not on my side

Sorry for a moany post ladies xx


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## fairytales87

Goodluck for your 2nd bloods KN xx


----------



## K.N

No apologies for Moany posts fairytales - is what we're here for!! I don't blame you, putting yourself up to making a decision like that would be the worst ever! And soooo hard to process. I hope you're being kind to yourself and having lots of down time xxx

Thanks xx


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## K.N

Just popping in to update you guys :) - Blood test #2 was good! Well, kind of crazy good tbh. Better bloody not be twins! Level was 2300, the doctors were expecting about 1000. Another blood test in a week - and if all is well, then scan on the 12th June! The originally wanted the 16th - as that's when I'll be 8 weeks, but I pushed for the Monday as I have that day off and they were happy :) [5 days less to wait too!]

Hope everyone else is doing well! Hugs and love if you've been affected by what happened at the concert :( - It's all over the news here in NZ! Not good at all, when will people stop doing stuff like that! Makes me so sad :(


----------



## Rags

K.N said:


> Just popping in to update you guys :) - Blood test #2 was good! Well, kind of crazy good tbh. Better bloody not be twins! Level was 2300, the doctors were expecting about 1000. Another blood test in a week - and if all is well, then scan on the 12th June! The originally wanted the 16th - as that's when I'll be 8 weeks, but I pushed for the Monday as I have that day off and they were happy :) [5 days less to wait too!]
> 
> Hope everyone else is doing well! Hugs and love if you've been affected by what happened at the concert :( - It's all over the news here in NZ! Not good at all, when will people stop doing stuff like that! Makes me so sad :(

2300 is amazing - and I couldn't help laugh about the twins comment, I arrived for my 6 week scan hoping there'd be twins in there. You'll be fab however many you get (1, 2 or 3:haha:)

Do you get an early scan or do you need to wait until 16 weeks?

If you're anything like me you're now sitting there hoping and waiting for symptoms (and a bit of morning sickness) just to prove it's all really happening. Xx


----------



## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> I can't accept that ttc is over yet can't do anything about it and times not on my side
> 
> Sorry for a moany post ladies xx

Grumpy is perfectly acceptable Fairytales, it's a difficult decision that I'm sure you've been struggling with for quite a while. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.


----------



## K.N

Rags - yeah I'm definitely analysing EVERYTHING. This morning I took a clear blue digital, and it came up 2-3, which at first was ok - because that's the 4-5 weeks. But then I realised the threshold for the test to go 3+ is 2700 ish - and I should be about 4000 now &#55357;&#56883;. So bottom line, I shouldn't have used the test. Because now I'm freaking out :( 

I don't have to wait till 16 weeks for a scan luckily! I have one booked for the 12th June - providing everything is Allgood with my next blood test on Tuesday :)


----------



## Rosie2017

4 days till blood test then 13 days till scan, that will be super exciting! Will find out if twins :D 

Fairytales I'm so sorry you had to make a decision like that, and don't apologise! It would be a near impossible thing to have to decide and we understand and are totally here for you! Thats definitely not a choice you can just make and then be fine, it takes time... I can't even imagine :(


----------



## Caite

KN - those blood results sound good - more than twice what they were expecting! Not too long til the scan!

Fairytales - don't appologise. It's a tough decision you've made


----------



## K.N

Rosie - haha, 13 days doesn't sound long does it!! Getting nervous for blood test of course - but trying to stay positive!
Catie - it's crazy how high they are to be honest! Hahaha. Who would've thought

Hope everyone else is doing good!
Hope you're feeling ok fairytales xxx


----------



## Rosie2017

K.N no it doesn't sound long but everyone here knows how long 2 weeks can drag on for when waiting for tests or on results.. like the dreaded 2ww :p this is just a different form of that


----------



## fairytales87

How is everyone doing? Xx


----------



## Rags

Hello ladies, I've been checking in over the past few weeks but not had any real time to post. I hope you are all doing well?

I'm looking forward to school summer holidays beginning next Friday! It's been such a quick year and even Ds says he only feels as though he's been in primary 2 for a few days. He's had a fantastic time with this teacher and is quite excited about the prospect of P3. The way our year has been so far we're not going to get away for a big holiday but I'm hoping to go camping a couple of times and we'll do lots of days out - and most importantly won't set the alarm clock!!! at least not for the first few weeks.

All the best to you all. Xx


----------



## K.N

Argh just lost my big message :(

Just realised its been a month since I've popped in properly! My last blood test ended up going well, and I am STILL pregnant! But SO SO anxious and scared. I had a scan at 6 weeks, when I had a bleed - and had one at 7 weeks when I discharged from the fertility clinic. Now in the hands of my midwife, which while it's a relief - is also a bit weird. Feel a lot more on my own now that's for sure! I've had my first appointment, which was basically just info and paperwork. Have my next appointment on the 18th July. And next scan on the 17th. Currently 9w3d. 

Now spending my (very exhausted) nights watching Call The Midwife haha!

Rags: Seems weird to think you're thinking about summer! While i sit inside with mid-winter rain and storms here!!


----------



## Rags

K.N said:


> Argh just lost my big message :(
> 
> Just realised its been a month since I've popped in properly! My last blood test ended up going well, and I am STILL pregnant! But SO SO anxious and scared. I had a scan at 6 weeks, when I had a bleed - and had one at 7 weeks when I discharged from the fertility clinic. Now in the hands of my midwife, which while it's a relief - is also a bit weird. Feel a lot more on my own now that's for sure! I've had my first appointment, which was basically just info and paperwork. Have my next appointment on the 18th July. And next scan on the 17th. Currently 9w3d.
> 
> Now spending my (very exhausted) nights watching Call The Midwife haha!
> 
> Rags: Seems weird to think you're thinking about summer! While i sit inside with mid-winter rain and storms here!!

KN, I'm so pleased to hear from you. I've been desperate to ask how things were going but didn't want to post directly in case things weren't going as hoped. I am so delighted for you - and I also understand how very difficult this part is after all the hoping and planning and waiting...
I hope you manage to relax and enjoy it all but I know it's still early for that, I think that's the case at this stage for anyone, no matter how you achieve your BFP! I'm laughing at the 'Call the Midwife' comment, I was pretty hooked on that too for a while (although it gets a bit dark which put me off). I loved 'One Born Every Minute' and watched it every week with my mum when I was ttc and throughout my pregnancy. 

Enjoy you're winter pregnancy, I was biggest during the winter months and think I had it much better than friends who were expecting during the summer months - it also means that the weather is nice for walking with a pram when the time comes! Xx


----------



## CowgirlBaby

Hello ladies, hoping to join you guys. Didn't think I'd find myself here, but I am looking to start TTC by myself via a donor after my loss back in February. My now ex husband used the MC as excuse to blame me and leave. Even though the MC was due to me getting sick from a mold infestation. Even though i don't have him in my life anymore, I'm not giving up having a family. So now I'm starting the process towards assisted conception :3 hope I can make some life long friends along the way.


----------



## fairytales87

CowgirlBaby said:


> Hello ladies, hoping to join you guys. Didn't think I'd find myself here, but I am looking to start TTC by myself via a donor after my loss back in February. My now ex husband used the MC as excuse to blame me and leave. Even though the MC was due to me getting sick from a mold infestation. Even though i don't have him in my life anymore, I'm not giving up having a family. So now I'm starting the process towards assisted conception :3 hope I can make some life long friends along the way.

Hey:flower:
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and your ex husband doing that to you.
This thread can be quiet at times but everyone is lovely here
I wish you luck on your journey and look forward to hearing about it any questions we have lovely mix of ttc pregnant and btdt mamas xx


----------



## fairytales87

Rags said:


> Hello ladies, I've been checking in over the past few weeks but not had any real time to post. I hope you are all doing well?
> 
> I'm looking forward to school summer holidays beginning next Friday! It's been such a quick year and even Ds says he only feels as though he's been in primary 2 for a few days. He's had a fantastic time with this teacher and is quite excited about the prospect of P3. The way our year has been so far we're not going to get away for a big holiday but I'm hoping to go camping a couple of times and we'll do lots of days out - and most importantly won't set the alarm clock!!! at least not for the first few weeks.
> 
> All the best to you all. Xx

Sounds like you have a great summer holidays planned I can't believe the schools are stopping already this year is going so fast!!
I hope yous enjoy all your activities etc Xx


----------



## fairytales87

K.N said:


> Argh just lost my big message :(
> 
> Just realised its been a month since I've popped in properly! My last blood test ended up going well, and I am STILL pregnant! But SO SO anxious and scared. I had a scan at 6 weeks, when I had a bleed - and had one at 7 weeks when I discharged from the fertility clinic. Now in the hands of my midwife, which while it's a relief - is also a bit weird. Feel a lot more on my own now that's for sure! I've had my first appointment, which was basically just info and paperwork. Have my next appointment on the 18th July. And next scan on the 17th. Currently 9w3d.
> 
> Now spending my (very exhausted) nights watching Call The Midwife haha!
> 
> Rags: Seems weird to think you're thinking about summer! While i sit inside with mid-winter rain and storms here!!

Glad your doing well Hun 
I imagine it must be scary going from the supportive almost constant clinic care to midwife care 
I loved call the midwife but stopped watching half way through S2 I may need to start again tho
I forget your seasons are opposite to us I was reading your post saying to myself it's not winter although our summer has been a wash out so far lol

Good luck for the 17th:cloud9:

xx


----------



## Rags

CowgirlBaby said:


> Hello ladies, hoping to join you guys. Didn't think I'd find myself here, but I am looking to start TTC by myself via a donor after my loss back in February. My now ex husband used the MC as excuse to blame me and leave. Even though the MC was due to me getting sick from a mold infestation. Even though i don't have him in my life anymore, I'm not giving up having a family. So now I'm starting the process towards assisted conception :3 hope I can make some life long friends along the way.

Hello CowgirlBaby, and welcome. I'm so sorry to hear that things haven't been going well for you but I hope that this is the start of a new and wonderful part of your life! As mentioned, this isn't always the most active thread but I think lots of us drop in and read up without always posting - it does mean that we see any questions though so it's always a good place to help navigate through the whole 'solo parent' process. There's lots of info on the thread gathered over the last couple of years (I can't believe it's been going that long!!!), hope you get what you need.


----------



## Caite

KN - that's brilliant news! I'm so pleased for you.

I love Call the Midwife - I read the books long before they were a TV series. The earlier series were on when I was doing midwifery - it's crazy to see how much practise has changed.

Cowgirlbaby - welcome to our thread. I'm sorry for your miscarriage earlier in the year. What a thing for your ex to do though!

Still no news from me at the moment, but still busy doing lots of researching.


----------



## Rosie2017

Welcome cowgirl, that is really horrible of your ex, and I'm sorry about the miscarriage, hope everything goes up from here...

Yeah I think we all sort of just check in, read stuff, and reply when theres something specific to say or answer haha, but we are always here :)

As for me still Wtt I have so much I need to do to be financially, and physically ready for pregnancy and baby... I applied for an ECE course back in NZ starting Feb so looks like I'll be waiting another year, then going home to study... Should probably wait till after the course to try... Waiting, while important I know, really is no fun... Especially because my siblings have always been single, until recently.. my brother started dating someone a couple years ago now, she has a daughter, they see eachother all the time but she lives overseas, hes looking at places in NZ so he can move them over so they can all live together.. and now my other permanently single brother has just recently started dating this really nice girl.. with a near 3 year old.. So I'm super happy for them but suddenly both brothers have partners and a built in family/child... And my little sister recently gave birth, she and the father (who she got knocked up to within a month of starting their relationship) seem really happy.. so my facebook is drowning in baby and toddler photos, I'm happy for everyone but none of them were interested in kids while it's all I think about and I'm now the only one without one :cry: But I do what I gotta do.. want baby to come into a nice life, not trying to get rich but don't want baby to suffer because I didn't wait... 5 years waiting now.. And I'm still so young.. I wish baby fever didn't hit until 20's+ like most people.. Ah well.. sorry for the long rambling message AF just finished and it always makes me a bit sad/mad when I get it and I have noone to talk to about it because they all think it's weird I want a kid so badly now haha


----------



## fairytales87

Caite said:


> KN - that's brilliant news! I'm so pleased for you.
> 
> I love Call the Midwife - I read the books long before they were a TV series. The earlier series were on when I was doing midwifery - it's crazy to see how much practise has changed.
> 
> Cowgirlbaby - welcome to our thread. I'm sorry for your miscarriage earlier in the year. What a thing for your ex to do though!
> 
> Still no news from me at the moment, but still busy doing lots of researching.

Lovely to hear from you Hun 
Did your bloods ever come back?x


----------



## fairytales87

Rosie2017 said:


> Welcome cowgirl, that is really horrible of your ex, and I'm sorry about the miscarriage, hope everything goes up from here...
> 
> Yeah I think we all sort of just check in, read stuff, and reply when theres something specific to say or answer haha, but we are always here :)
> 
> As for me still Wtt I have so much I need to do to be financially, and physically ready for pregnancy and baby... I applied for an ECE course back in NZ starting Feb so looks like I'll be waiting another year, then going home to study... Should probably wait till after the course to try... Waiting, while important I know, really is no fun... Especially because my siblings have always been single, until recently.. my brother started dating someone a couple years ago now, she has a daughter, they see eachother all the time but she lives overseas, hes looking at places in NZ so he can move them over so they can all live together.. and now my other permanently single brother has just recently started dating this really nice girl.. with a near 3 year old.. So I'm super happy for them but suddenly both brothers have partners and a built in family/child... And my little sister recently gave birth, she and the father (who she got knocked up to within a month of starting their relationship) seem really happy.. so my facebook is drowning in baby and toddler photos, I'm happy for everyone but none of them were interested in kids while it's all I think about and I'm now the only one without one :cry: But I do what I gotta do.. want baby to come into a nice life, not trying to get rich but don't want baby to suffer because I didn't wait... 5 years waiting now.. And I'm still so young.. I wish baby fever didn't hit until 20's+ like most people.. Ah well.. sorry for the long rambling message AF just finished and it always makes me a bit sad/mad when I get it and I have noone to talk to about it because they all think it's weird I want a kid so badly now haha

I'm sorry your feeling rubbish and everybody is settling down and having babies around you it's tough when that happens I'm sure most of us on here know the feeling well myself included! 

Don't apologise we are always here for you to rant/vent to :hugs:


----------



## babycrazy1706

I think I subscribed to this thread before but must have unsubscribed, I'm feeling a little bit lost at the moment. 
I have a 5 year old son, I'm not with his father but we still get along ok, I was with a guy last year and we were planning a baby then I found out he was seeing someone else the whole time I was with him so I got rid of him
I'm 32 and I really want another baby, I keep going on dating sites and trying to meet people and I always feel in the back of my mind that I don't actually want/need a man I just want to be a Mum again, I'd happily be single with 2 children and then wait and see IF a man comes along in the future but right now it feels like I'm trying to rush into a relationship just cos I want a baby! 

My son's father said to me last year that if I wanted to have another baby with him then he would have one, part of me wants to do this and it would be nice for my children to have the same dad, I just worry that people will think I'm nuts, I know I shouldn't worry what people say but my best friend keeps saying no you can't have another with him (cos he's been an ass in the past) but he's a great father to my son and I feel like he'd be giving me a gift. He knows we wouldn't get back together and that's how I'd want it to be, I just don't know if what I'm thinking or feeling is me going crazy 
I hope this isn't the wrong thread to be writing this, I didn't know where to turn for advice
Xx


----------



## fairytales87

babycrazy1706 said:


> I think I subscribed to this thread before but must have unsubscribed, I'm feeling a little bit lost at the moment.
> I have a 5 year old son, I'm not with his father but we still get along ok, I was with a guy last year and we were planning a baby then I found out he was seeing someone else the whole time I was with him so I got rid of him
> I'm 32 and I really want another baby, I keep going on dating sites and trying to meet people and I always feel in the back of my mind that I don't actually want/need a man I just want to be a Mum again, I'd happily be single with 2 children and then wait and see IF a man comes along in the future but right now it feels like I'm trying to rush into a relationship just cos I want a baby!
> 
> My son's father said to me last year that if I wanted to have another baby with him then he would have one, part of me wants to do this and it would be nice for my children to have the same dad, I just worry that people will think I'm nuts, I know I shouldn't worry what people say but my best friend keeps saying no you can't have another with him (cos he's been an ass in the past) but he's a great father to my son and I feel like he'd be giving me a gift. He knows we wouldn't get back together and that's how I'd want it to be, I just don't know if what I'm thinking or feeling is me going crazy
> I hope this isn't the wrong thread to be writing this, I didn't know where to turn for advice
> Xx

You should do what you feel will be right for you and your little family 
Goodluck in your decision xx


----------



## babycrazy1706

Thank you! 
Can't stop crying today thinking about it all xx


----------



## fairytales87

babycrazy1706 said:


> Thank you!
> Can't stop crying today thinking about it all xx

It's all very overwhelming!! I know I've cried many many times over the course of my journey & even before any treatment!!

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat vent etc :hugs: xx


----------



## babycrazy1706

THank you fairy tales! Xx


----------



## Rags

Babycrazey, do what's right for you. Your friends are worried about you getting involved with a man who hasn't stuck by you in the past but if he has been a good parent to his and your child and let you get on with your life without interfering in your personal life then why not...


----------



## babycrazy1706

Thank you rags. Xx


----------



## K.N

Hey guys!

Hope everyone is doing well xxx

Just popping in to update how things are going for those who aren't followers on my blog :D Still pregnant!! 13 weeks tomorrow :O Never thought I'd get this far! Scan went well, i had it at 12w4d and measurements were 12w5d and 12w6d - so allgood! Have had high blood pressure, and my asthma has been playing up but otherwise not too bad now that the worst of the sickness has passed!


----------



## Rags

K.N said:


> Hey guys!
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well xxx
> 
> Just popping in to update how things are going for those who aren't followers on my blog :D Still pregnant!! 13 weeks tomorrow :O Never thought I'd get this far! Scan went well, i had it at 12w4d and measurements were 12w5d and 12w6d - so allgood! Have had high blood pressure, and my asthma has been playing up but otherwise not too bad now that the worst of the sickness has passed!

KN, so pleased to hear from you. I don't follow your blog and have been hoping you'd pop on and give us an up-date. How amazing to be at 13 weeks already. I hope your sickness didn't get to bad, I know how that can be. I hope your BP and asthma settle down for the rest of your time and I very much look forwarding to hearing how it all goes. Xx


----------



## babycrazy1706

Congratulations KN! Xx


----------



## fairytales87

K.N said:


> Hey guys!
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well xxx
> 
> Just popping in to update how things are going for those who aren't followers on my blog :D Still pregnant!! 13 weeks tomorrow :O Never thought I'd get this far! Scan went well, i had it at 12w4d and measurements were 12w5d and 12w6d - so allgood! Have had high blood pressure, and my asthma has been playing up but otherwise not too bad now that the worst of the sickness has passed!

What a lovely update:cloud9:
I had goosebumps you did it you made the big milestone mark:cloud9:
Glad your less sick and I hope the asthma and bp issues settle down soon xx


----------



## K.N

Hehe thanks guys! Rags, - yeah i do always pop in here, but often don't (surprisingly!) have too much to say :O Always reading though! This side of things really seems to drag! Midwife appointments are only monthly, and aside from the scans that pop up; it really only is midwife appts I have now. Whereas before there was soooo much counting down. Blood tests, first scans, follow ups, this, that a bit of everything! Now it's just nothing!
It's weird - the real feelings, still haven't quite kicked in. It doesn't feel like im growing a baby, it just feels like im getting fatter and full of cramps. No movement feelings yet.


----------



## Rags

K.N said:


> Hehe thanks guys! Rags, - yeah i do always pop in here, but often don't (surprisingly!) have too much to say :O Always reading though! This side of things really seems to drag! Midwife appointments are only monthly, and aside from the scans that pop up; it really only is midwife appts I have now. Whereas before there was soooo much counting down. Blood tests, first scans, follow ups, this, that a bit of everything! Now it's just nothing!
> It's weird - the real feelings, still haven't quite kicked in. It doesn't feel like im growing a baby, it just feels like im getting fatter and full of cramps. No movement feelings yet.

KN, it's a strange kind of institutionalisation the TTC through a clinic thing isn't it! Now's your time to swap the medics for some pregnancy groups instead maybe and begin to get a network of baby friends around you?


----------



## K.N

Yeah - it definitely is! I've joined a NZ pregnant after IVF page which has been great! But a little while back, I also joined a TTC page for NZ aswell. I don't comment too much, similar to here! But am always reading - is interesting reading their journeys, when they've been to the same clinic as me! Or same company clinic etc. Definitely a lot less hands on now haha. That's for sure!


----------



## Rags

About a 6 months after Ds was born I took a gift basket into the clinic for the staff as a thank you for them but also as a kind of closure for me, so it does take time. Every so often I look at Ds and remember the nurse who carried out the IUI that produced him, I remember sitting in the waiting room with my mum waiting for my confirmation scan at 6 weeks and I remember them saying good bye and good luck and it felt really strange because I'd spent so much time there over the previous 6 months - then after the birth and between toddlers groups and everything else you suddenly realise it's been months and you not thought about how you got him just that he's here, and now the whole process feels a bit like a dream...


----------



## Caite

fairytales87 said:


> Lovely to hear from you Hun
> Did your bloods ever come back?x

Hi Fairytales - how are you? I was slightly naughty and need to confess this - I knew (well, guessed) I wasn't ovulating on my own, so decided, after ordering the blood test, to also order clomid from an online pharmacy via their doctor (I know, stupid of me). I followed the instructions for those and tested day 21, it came back saying I hadn't ovulated. Whilst I knew I probably wasn't ovulating on my own, I never really expected it with clomid, I just assumed I would ovulate. It hit me hard when I read the results. Fortunately, I had plans with my family which kept my mind off things, but when I was home alone, it was all I could think of. It's been a few weeks now, still waiting for AF. I read somewhere (possibly in the literature they sent me with the pills) that it can take longer, up to a couple of months, to induce ovulation, so I'm clinging on to a little bit of hope there. I don't know if I'm just being super sensitive regarding my body and whether I'm imagining it, or not, but I think I might have had ovulation pains last week along with a little bit of spotting (I know I didn't imagine that at least)

Babycrazy - that must be a difficult decision. I can understand why your friends are worried about this, but I can also see where you're coming from. Good luck with your decision!

KN - I'm so excited for you! Hope the asthma and BP issues are controlled.

Rosie - I know how you feel with everyone having babies. I'm 30 so all my friends are settling down and having babies (even the ones who never wanted them). It makes it so difficult. 

Mum and I were talking the other day about babies (she's a super-proud great aunt to my cousins' kids) and she was saying how she wants to be a grandmother. I confessed to her that I was so broody and had been for a long time. She started talking about sperm banks (she has a very basic understanding of such things - she's from a different era!) and I was so close to telling her about what I want to do. I've not yet had the courage to do so but I think I probably will end up telling her at some point.


----------



## Rags

Caite said:


> fairytales87 said:
> 
> 
> Lovely to hear from you Hun
> Did your bloods ever come back?x
> 
> Hi Fairytales - how are you? I was slightly naughty and need to confess this - I knew (well, guessed) I wasn't ovulating on my own, so decided, after ordering the blood test, to also order clomid from an online pharmacy via their doctor (I know, stupid of me). I followed the instructions for those and tested day 21, it came back saying I hadn't ovulated. Whilst I knew I probably wasn't ovulating on my own, I never really expected it with clomid, I just assumed I would ovulate. It hit me hard when I read the results. Fortunately, I had plans with my family which kept my mind off things, but when I was home alone, it was all I could think of. It's been a few weeks now, still waiting for AF. I read somewhere (possibly in the literature they sent me with the pills) that it can take longer, up to a couple of months, to induce ovulation, so I'm clinging on to a little bit of hope there. I don't know if I'm just being super sensitive regarding my body and whether I'm imagining it, or not, but I think I might have had ovulation pains last week along with a little bit of spotting (I know I didn't imagine that at least)
> 
> Babycrazy - that must be a difficult decision. I can understand why your friends are worried about this, but I can also see where you're coming from. Good luck with your decision!
> 
> KN - I'm so excited for you! Hope the asthma and BP issues are controlled.
> 
> Rosie - I know how you feel with everyone having babies. I'm 30 so all my friends are settling down and having babies (even the ones who never wanted them). It makes it so difficult.
> 
> Mum and I were talking the other day about babies (she's a super-proud great aunt to my cousins' kids) and she was saying how she wants to be a grandmother. I confessed to her that I was so broody and had been for a long time. She started talking about sperm banks (she has a very basic understanding of such things - she's from a different era!) and I was so close to telling her about what I want to do. I've not yet had the courage to do so but I think I probably will end up telling her at some point.Click to expand...

Caite, I bet your mum would be very positive and supportive to you if she knew. I think I understand why you've not wanted to speak to her about your plans yet but I know from experience that it's a wonderful thing having your mum in your corner. Remember most people trying for a family and having issues have a partner there to support them, going solo (even with the best of friends around you) is a lonely place to be when it's not happening. My mum was the first person I spoke to before I began TTC and the first person I told about my BFP and the first person (besides the medical staff) to hold him - the fact that she already knew the whole journey made it so much easier I feel.


----------



## fairytales87

Caite said:


> fairytales87 said:
> 
> 
> Lovely to hear from you Hun
> Did your bloods ever come back?x
> 
> Hi Fairytales - how are you? I was slightly naughty and need to confess this - I knew (well, guessed) I wasn't ovulating on my own, so decided, after ordering the blood test, to also order clomid from an online pharmacy via their doctor (I know, stupid of me). I followed the instructions for those and tested day 21, it came back saying I hadn't ovulated. Whilst I knew I probably wasn't ovulating on my own, I never really expected it with clomid, I just assumed I would ovulate. It hit me hard when I read the results. Fortunately, I had plans with my family which kept my mind off things, but when I was home alone, it was all I could think of. It's been a few weeks now, still waiting for AF. I read somewhere (possibly in the literature they sent me with the pills) that it can take longer, up to a couple of months, to induce ovulation, so I'm clinging on to a little bit of hope there. I don't know if I'm just being super sensitive regarding my body and whether I'm imagining it, or not, but I think I might have had ovulation pains last week along with a little bit of spotting (I know I didn't imagine that at least)
> 
> Babycrazy - that must be a difficult decision. I can understand why your friends are worried about this, but I can also see where you're coming from. Good luck with your decision!
> 
> KN - I'm so excited for you! Hope the asthma and BP issues are controlled.
> 
> Rosie - I know how you feel with everyone having babies. I'm 30 so all my friends are settling down and having babies (even the ones who never wanted them). It makes it so difficult.
> 
> Mum and I were talking the other day about babies (she's a super-proud great aunt to my cousins' kids) and she was saying how she wants to be a grandmother. I confessed to her that I was so broody and had been for a long time. She started talking about sperm banks (she has a very basic understanding of such things - she's from a different era!) and I was so close to telling her about what I want to do. I've not yet had the courage to do so but I think I probably will end up telling her at some point.Click to expand...

I'm doing ok Hun 
Hanging in there after a rough few months!!

Let's face it us healthcare sector worker all do some crazy things:haha::dohh:
I'm sure you'll be fine with the clomid fingers crossed it works for you!!

So are you taking the clomid then ordering from the bank? 
I've got everything crossed for you:cloud9:

I know what you mean about speaking to your mum I was worried about that too as my mums old fashioned but she handled it well & it was nice to be able to speak about some things with her.
I've not told her that I won't be doing anymore but she's getting a new grand baby soon so I'm just not mentioning anything & hopefully she'll be too busy/excited to mention it :winkwink: xx


----------



## darkriver

Waving hello!
Hello lovely ladies. I will update when I can get on my pc but been thinking of you all.


----------



## darkriver

So whats been going on in my world. A lot it turns out. A couple days after my last post on here I had a total mental breakdown. I tried to take my own life. I wasnt coping with the nightmare feeding cycle we had got ourselves in. At one point she was consuming 12 bottles of formula a day and it was breaking me. The children were taken into foster care and have been for the last four months until today. I am a lot better now. I am on medication and will take it for a few years. 

I dont know if I will go on to have anymore children. My heart says yes but my brain says no. If I do go onto have more children I will likely wait until Amelia is five.


----------



## Rags

darkriver said:


> So whats been going on in my world. A lot it turns out. A couple days after my last post on here I had a total mental breakdown. I tried to take my own life. I wasnt coping with the nightmare feeding cycle we had got ourselves in. At one point she was consuming 12 bottles of formula a day and it was breaking me. The children were taken into foster care and have been for the last four months until today. I am a lot better now. I am on medication and will take it for a few years.
> 
> I dont know if I will go on to have anymore children. My heart says yes but my brain says no. If I do go onto have more children I will likely wait until Amelia is five.

Dearest dearest Darkdriver, I'm so sorry to hear that you've been having such a rough time of it but I'm incredibly happy for you and your family that your attempt to leave the world didn't work, I hope very much that you are having days now when you can see some joy in your life again. I'm glad you've had the support of social services, I know from others that it doesn't always feel like that at the start but you must have been in a very dark place then as I know how much you love and care about your beautiful children. Please remember we are all here when you want us, for whatever you want from us. Lots of love and hugs. Xx


----------



## darkriver

Thank you Rags. Its been an awful time and since the girls have been back I have been reminded of how strong I have to be.


----------



## fairytales87

Dark River
I'm sorry to read about your struggles I too have faced bad mh issues in the past and just recently and I'm only a pm away xx


----------



## darkriver

Thank you fairytales.
Did anyone here go via the clinic route?


----------



## fairytales87

Clinic route for treatment? Yes x


----------



## darkriver

Was it expensive?


----------



## fairytales87

I chose to do a package with a company in the uk called access fertility as it offered reassurance of further cycles and money back if no live birth after all rounds of treatment.
I chose to go to a fully private clinic so paid slightly more because of the good rep the clinic has.

Your local nhs fertility unit may allow you to pay private of so its usually a reduced non profit cost 

I also out sourced my drugs at a local pharmacy and didn't get them via the clinic and this saved me £400!!

You may not even need full ivf and your clinic may offer you iui which is cheaper 

&#10084;&#65039;Xx


----------



## darkriver

Thank you for answering my questions. I am a few years off yet but doing the research now. I have been looking at create fertility and they offer IUI. Says from £800 but doesn't say what that includes. I believe IUI will be the best route for me as I don't have any trouble conceiving.


----------



## babycrazy1706

How old are you darkriver, if you don't mind me asking? 
I'm also WTT and have no partner....yet. I want to wait 4+ years now as I want to go to uni next year, I'll be 36 in 4 years time xx


----------



## darkriver

I am 29.


----------



## fairytales87

Baby crazy: IMPO your personal fertility status is more important than age
E.g I just turned 30 have very low egg levels my sis who's 35 still has a v good egg level. Might be worth doing some initial testing just now to give you an indicator of how things are for you in making your choice to wait. Goodluck in your journey and in uni xx


----------



## fairytales87

darkriver said:


> Thank you for answering my questions. I am a few years off yet but doing the research now. I have been looking at create fertility and they offer IUI. Says from £800 but doesn't say what that includes. I believe IUI will be the best route for me as I don't have any trouble conceiving.

May be worth dropping them an email to find out I know at my nearest clinic (nhs that allows private pay) everything is included except drugs and sperm. At my chosen clinic everything is costed individually. Hope this helps Hun xx


----------



## darkriver

fairytales87 said:


> darkriver said:
> 
> 
> Thank you for answering my questions. I am a few years off yet but doing the research now. I have been looking at create fertility and they offer IUI. Says from £800 but doesn't say what that includes. I believe IUI will be the best route for me as I don't have any trouble conceiving.
> 
> May be worth dropping them an email to find out I know at my nearest clinic (nhs that allows private pay) everything is included except drugs and sperm. At my chosen clinic everything is costed individually. Hope this helps Hun xxClick to expand...

I will do thanks for the tips.


----------



## babycrazy1706

fairytales87 said:


> Baby crazy: IMPO your personal fertility status is more important than age
> E.g I just turned 30 have very low egg levels my sis who's 35 still has a v good egg level. Might be worth doing some initial testing just now to give you an indicator of how things are for you in making your choice to wait. Goodluck in your journey and in uni xx

Good point! 
How do I go about doing this ? Xx


----------



## darkriver

babycrazy1706 said:


> fairytales87 said:
> 
> 
> Baby crazy: IMPO your personal fertility status is more important than age
> E.g I just turned 30 have very low egg levels my sis who's 35 still has a v good egg level. Might be worth doing some initial testing just now to give you an indicator of how things are for you in making your choice to wait. Goodluck in your journey and in uni xx
> 
> Good point!
> How do I go about doing this ? XxClick to expand...

Contact a local clinic for an initial consultation I think . They will do a scan.


----------



## fairytales87

babycrazy1706 said:


> fairytales87 said:
> 
> 
> Baby crazy: IMPO your personal fertility status is more important than age
> E.g I just turned 30 have very low egg levels my sis who's 35 still has a v good egg level. Might be worth doing some initial testing just now to give you an indicator of how things are for you in making your choice to wait. Goodluck in your journey and in uni xx
> 
> Good point!
> How do I go about doing this ? XxClick to expand...

Are you in the UK Hun?
If so book into a local clinic for an initial consultation they will do bloods and an ultrasound 
If you aren't ready just now but worried about your fertility you could always do fertility preservation (Egg freezing etc)
If you need any help looking up things etc pm me and I will help you xx


----------



## darkriver

Well I have decided to have an initial consultation in the next few months myself. It would be good to have a check up and make sure I save for the right process.


----------



## fairytales87

darkriver said:


> Well I have decided to have an initial consultation in the next few months myself. It would be good to have a check up and make sure I save for the right process.

I wish you all the luck in the world lovely xx


----------



## babycrazy1706

Thanks girls xx


----------



## mimi4

I wish you all the luck in the world on your journey


----------



## K.N

Hey guys, just popping in quickly to send you all hugs and love and prayers that life is being kind to you all. Especially you darkriver - just going by the quick read through I just did! <3 <3 

We're nearing summer here so the weather is finally starting to slowly get nicer by the week. Thankgod. Spring can be so all over the place with weather patterns, but winter just gets so dreary and so dark so early. It's nice to leave work with daylight left in the day! 

As for baby. Things are going good. Headaches have eased now, still get them but not as much. 22+4 days today; so time is disappearing. Nearly viable now - which feels like such a big relief!! Had my scan at 18weeks, and found out that baby is a little girl - so just got the big decisions to make for names now. Which is hard!! 

Anyway, hugs again to you all xxx


----------



## Rags

K.N said:


> Hey guys, just popping in quickly to send you all hugs and love and prayers that life is being kind to you all. Especially you darkriver - just going by the quick read through I just did! <3 <3
> 
> We're nearing summer here so the weather is finally starting to slowly get nicer by the week. Thankgod. Spring can be so all over the place with weather patterns, but winter just gets so dreary and so dark so early. It's nice to leave work with daylight left in the day!
> 
> As for baby. Things are going good. Headaches have eased now, still get them but not as much. 22+4 days today; so time is disappearing. Nearly viable now - which feels like such a big relief!! Had my scan at 18weeks, and found out that baby is a little girl - so just got the big decisions to make for names now. Which is hard!!
> 
> Anyway, hugs again to you all xxx

How quickly this has gone KN! I'm pleased your headaches are easing off now, hopeful that means you'll get to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy - personally I loved the bit after the morning sickness when I could feel and see my bump.

Ah, the name!! I knew all along what I'd call a girl or a boy - I'm big into family names, but I didn't tell anyone until he was born and named (I was worried that they'd pass me a baby that looked nothing like the name I'd decided). I needn't have worried, I knew my dad's name was perfect for him when they held him up and he had a grumpy furrowed brow and huge hands (in fact when I saw him I said to my mum 'I hope it's a boy with hands that size')

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

Things are getting there with Ds & I. We're in the process of moving house, which wasn't planned but is necessary since mum died. We've moved ourselves already, just need the furniture now, decorating in the meantime.


----------



## fairytales87

Hope everyone is well xx


----------



## callumsmummy

birdlee337 said:


> K.N said:
> 
> 
> Any solo mummies (or daddies) to be currently TTC via assisted conception? Wonder if we can form a solo parent-to-be thread. There are plenty of lesbian support threads, or IVF support threads - but struggling to find a group for the single parents currently planning to conceive :)
> 
> I am!! Starting my second round of IUI process!! Best of luck to you!:dust:Click to expand...


Can I ask what this is plz


----------



## callumsmummy

Hi there can I have some advice regarding fertility plz? I have been trying for a baby for 3 years. Recently single so I don&#8217;t fit the criteria anymore to see nhs fertility. Should I go private and check I can have a baby in the future? Can they see single ladies? I&#8217;m guessing so ? Anyone know how I would go about this plz? In desperate for a baby. I&#8217;m single but I want to know if I have a problem or not? My friend recommended a sperm bank / donor. I don&#8217;t think I want to go down that road but has anyone got any stories or advice? What would you tell your kids growing up? If you do use a sperm donor ? Thankyou xx also how much dues it cost? My friend said 8 grand...


----------



## Rags

callumsmummy said:


> Hi there can I have some advice regarding fertility plz? I have been trying for a baby for 3 years. Recently single so I donât fit the criteria anymore to see nhs fertility. Should I go private and check I can have a baby in the future? Can they see single ladies? Iâm guessing so ? Anyone know how I would go about this plz? In desperate for a baby. Iâm single but I want to know if I have a problem or not? My friend recommended a sperm bank / donor. I donât think I want to go down that road but has anyone got any stories or advice? What would you tell your kids growing up? If you do use a sperm donor ? Thankyou xx also how much dues it cost? My friend said 8 grand...

Hello Callumsmummy. I'm sorry that your relationship has broken down, it can't be easy if you've started your journey with someone else but now need to find another way to finish it.

The first thing I would say is that you may still be able to get help through the NHS, it really depends on your hospital trust. I'm in Scotland, which I know is quite different from England in the way we run our NHS but up here I called a clinic and asked the clinic manager directly if they treated single women and what I needed to do for a referral. The answer was yes and I just needed my GP to refer me, which he was happy to do. My clinic accepted private and NHS patients and although I could apply for funding for the actual donations I decided to self fund (as I was financially able), that said I only needed to pay for the sperm and donor's expenses, any tests and appointments were fully covered by the NHS. 

I couldn't tell you how much it might cost you but I'd be very surprised if you couldn't have your possible fertility issues investigated and diagnosed at this stage anyway. How you then proceed would be up to you and fully depends if you'd wan't to be a solo parent, not a decision to take lightly.

My son is now 7 and knows exactly how he was conceived and why I chose my route to parenthood.


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## callumsmummy

Thankyou so much for replying. It means a lot thankyou . Xx



Rags said:


> callumsmummy said:
> 
> 
> Hi there can I have some advice regarding fertility plz? I have been trying for a baby for 3 years. Recently single so I dont fit the criteria anymore to see nhs fertility. Should I go private and check I can have a baby in the future? Can they see single ladies? Im guessing so ? Anyone know how I would go about this plz? In desperate for a baby. Im single but I want to know if I have a problem or not? My friend recommended a sperm bank / donor. I dont think I want to go down that road but has anyone got any stories or advice? What would you tell your kids growing up? If you do use a sperm donor ? Thankyou xx also how much dues it cost? My friend said 8 grand...
> 
> Hello Callumsmummy. I'm sorry that your relationship has broken down, it can't be easy if you've started your journey with someone else but now need to find another way to finish it.
> 
> The first thing I would say is that you may still be able to get help through the NHS, it really depends on your hospital trust. I'm in Scotland, which I know is quite different from England in the way we run our NHS but up here I called a clinic and asked the clinic manager directly if they treated single women and what I needed to do for a referral. The answer was yes and I just needed my GP to refer me, which he was happy to do. My clinic accepted private and NHS patients and although I could apply for funding for the actual donations I decided to self fund (as I was financially able), that said I only needed to pay for the sperm and donor's expenses, any tests and appointments were fully covered by the NHS.
> 
> I couldn't tell you how much it might cost you but I'd be very surprised if you couldn't have your possible fertility issues investigated and diagnosed at this stage anyway. How you then proceed would be up to you and fully depends if you'd wan't to be a solo parent, not a decision to take lightly.
> 
> My son is now 7 and knows exactly how he was conceived and why I chose my route to parenthood.Click to expand...


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## K.N

Hey everyone!! Been a few months since I have been on here! Just popping in to check in on everyone and make sure everyone is well xxxx

My beautiful baby girl arrived on the 19th January at 9.55pm after 50ish minutes of labour; she ended up getting evicted a week early due to last minute complications that came up with me, and we've already had 3 trips to hospital since - but otherwise we are doing well. I love being a Mum, and I never knew I was capable of so much love that's for sure. She was 51cm long, and weight 7lb5oz.


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## Rags

K.N said:


> Hey everyone!! Been a few months since I have been on here! Just popping in to check in on everyone and make sure everyone is well xxxx
> 
> My beautiful baby girl arrived on the 19th January at 9.55pm after 50ish minutes of labour; she ended up getting evicted a week early due to last minute complications that came up with me, and we've already had 3 trips to hospital since - but otherwise we are doing well. I love being a Mum, and I never knew I was capable of so much love that's for sure. She was 51cm long, and weight 7lb5oz.

Oh KN, I am sooooooo unbelievably delighted for you!!! I'm grinning from ear to ear to hear about your fabulous family. I can't help but think back to your first posts as you started your journey and now here you are having got to the end of one long road and starting out on the next:happydance::happydance::happydance:
Your news has really made my week. All I can say now is get a sleep whenever you can, if anyone offers to give you a hand say 'yes please, you can wash my dishes/put a washing on/make me some dinner/hold my beautiful daughter while I go for a sleep/have a shower/eat...'
At my anti natal classes the midwife made a point of saying to us that if they of the health visitors visited and found an immaculately clean house and an exhaust and frazzled mum they'd be more worried than if they come in and saw an untidy house and mum and baby enjoying each other.
Enjoy.


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## angie01

Im headed in the single mom direction! Im going to start trying this summer :) Its nice to see a thread on it. I didnt realize how common it was so I dont feel so alone now. Thanks :)


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## Rags

angie01 said:


> IÂm headed in the single mom direction! IÂm going to start trying this summer :) ItÂs nice to see a thread on it. I didnÂt realize how common it was so I donÂt feel so alone now. Thanks :)

You're far from alone Angie01. Although this thread isn't always that active there are always a few of us who check in and see what's happening. If you have any questions feel free to ask, there's lots of experience on here.

Very good luck to you with your journey, I'll look forward to hearing how it all goes. X


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## angie01

Rags said:


> angie01 said:
> 
> 
> Im headed in the single mom direction! Im going to start trying this summer :) Its nice to see a thread on it. I didnt realize how common it was so I dont feel so alone now. Thanks :)
> 
> You're far from alone Angie01. Although this thread isn't always that active there are always a few of us who check in and see what's happening. If you have any questions feel free to ask, there's lots of experience on here.
> 
> Very good luck to you with your journey, I'll look forward to hearing how it all goes. XClick to expand...




Thank you for the welcome and support! Theres so much information but Im looking at booking my consultation for May Ill keep you posted :)


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## K.N

Hey guys - Just a quick pop in :) Things are going well for us! We've had a pretty hectic start to parenthood! I ended up with a uterus infection so had 2 trips to hospital; then Emelia had a week in hospital herself. Now got her on prescription formula during the day and I feed her at night; We suspect allergies may be the culprit! She was vomitting bile, and not keeping feeds down or anything. She's nearly 11 weeks old now - where the heck has time gone?? Makes me sad, my baby is growing up so quick!! I literally blinked and it has happened!


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## Cinderella

Hello everyone! Long time no post! 
It's amazing to read so many more babies have joined us!
A quickie update: I was trying two years ago with a donor I met on a coparenting forum, (although he was strictly a donor and not a coparent) we tried for 3 months (all BFN) before he decided it was too much effort and threw in the towel. I started a new job so focused on getting through my 1yr probation before wanting to try again as you're not eligible for maternity pay until you've signed that permanent contract! 
Anyway, I joined a sperm donor facebook site and met my new donor through that. We were texting for 8 months, met up for a coffee and spoke on the phone before trying and we've just done our first donation. He's got four kids of his own and is a pretty decent guy so I'm optimistic this time! 2ww ends tomorrow, and a cheapie test I took this morning has a very faint line, though not getting my hopes up as this happens a lot to me! Have decided that I'm going to try with him for 6 months and if nothing happens look in to IUI and then IVF, I'm 33 now and feel like time is running out! 

I'm off to catch up on some of your blogs - can't believe how much has happened, so happy for all of those gorgeous babies!


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## Rags

Cinderella said:


> Hello everyone! Long time no post!
> It's amazing to read so many more babies have joined us!
> A quickie update: I was trying two years ago with a donor I met on a coparenting forum, (although he was strictly a donor and not a coparent) we tried for 3 months (all BFN) before he decided it was too much effort and threw in the towel. I started a new job so focused on getting through my 1yr probation before wanting to try again as you're not eligible for maternity pay until you've signed that permanent contract!
> Anyway, I joined a sperm donor facebook site and met my new donor through that. We were texting for 8 months, met up for a coffee and spoke on the phone before trying and we've just done our first donation. He's got four kids of his own and is a pretty decent guy so I'm optimistic this time! 2ww ends tomorrow, and a cheapie test I took this morning has a very faint line, though not getting my hopes up as this happens a lot to me! Have decided that I'm going to try with him for 6 months and if nothing happens look in to IUI and then IVF, I'm 33 now and feel like time is running out!
> 
> I'm off to catch up on some of your blogs - can't believe how much has happened, so happy for all of those gorgeous babies!

Oh Cinderella, I've everything crossed for you in anticipation of your official testing tomorrow. Xx


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## Cinderella

Rags said:


> Oh Cinderella, I've everything crossed for you in anticipation of your official testing tomorrow. Xx

Thank you! Today is actually 'tomorrow' and I'm pleased to say, BFP!! :happydance:

Still very nervous, but this is the first time I've ever had an actual positive test! 

We only managed to get one donation this time, can't believe it worked! I'm still in massive shock! it's been a long time coming!
 



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## Rags

Cinderella said:


> Rags said:
> 
> 
> Oh Cinderella, I've everything crossed for you in anticipation of your official testing tomorrow. Xx
> 
> Thank you! Today is actually 'tomorrow' and I'm pleased to say, BFP!! :happydance:
> 
> Still very nervous, but this is the first time I've ever had an actual positive test!
> 
> We only managed to get one donation this time, can't believe it worked! I'm still in massive shock! it's been a long time coming!Click to expand...

Oh! Oh! Oh! Cinderella, what a beautiful looking positive:happydance::happydance::happydance:
I'm so pleased for you - you thought the TWW was bad, welcome to the next 12 weeks until your scan!

So, there you go - it only takes one strong little swimmer -even if you'd had 10 goes it would still only be one plucky little guy that gets through.

Again, huge congrats, I'll look forward to following you journey to holding your bundle of joy. Xx


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## Cinderella

Thanks Rags, Ive been around so long, following everyones stories and it literally felt like this was never going to happen for me. 
The donor was really optimistic that it would happen first time and I just couldnt believe that would happen. 

Am booking an early viability scan for 7wks, just make sure everything is ok in there! 

Cant believe how bloated and sick I feel already, am trying to remind myself its a good sign that the hormones are working &#129314;&#128514;


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## Cinderella

Oh, and for completeness sake... get a load of this! :cloud9:

Doesn't get much clearer than that! lol
 



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## Rags

Cinderella said:


> Oh, and for completeness sake... get a load of this! :cloud9:
> 
> Doesn't get much clearer than that! lol

Lol lots and lots - I've a very similar photo where I couldn't quite believe it until the digital said 2-3 weeks! I had a 6 week scan, it was really worth it. Post a photo when you get it - meantime, for early sickness try taking a flask of tea to bed with you and have a packet of dry biscuits on the bedside table, that way in the morning you don't need to get out of bed to have something warm and settling in your tummy, doesn't always work but can help settle your tummy for a wee while.


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## fairytales87

Congrats KN:cloud9:

Congrats Cinderella hope you keep well 

Rags: How are you and LO?

xx


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## Rags

fairytales87 said:


> Congrats KN:cloud9:
> 
> Congrats Cinderella hope you keep well
> 
> Rags: How are you and LO?
> 
> xx

Hi Fairytales, how are you doing?

Things are rather hectic for Ds and I - I worked most of the Easter break and school went back today so I really feel as though I've missed out:growlmad:
I've checked with work and they will be closed for both of the May bank holidays so I'm hoping we can make up for it a bit then.
Ds was 8 a few weeks ago!!! It's been so amazingly quick and he's so grown up - but still loves curling up on the couch or climbing in to bed with me (and he still lets me give him a kiss at the school gate - which I'm really savouring because I don't think it'll go on much longer).
We've no holiday plans as yet this year, been decorating in the house and wasn't planning on doing much more but a couple of electrical issues mean I've had to start in a couple of other rooms. I'm not someone to who decorated often so I'm hoping if I just get it all done now I can sit back for a few years...

Love to all. Xx


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## Cinderella

So, that didn't last long :cry:

I started to miscarry early on the 24th Apr... still going through it now but think I passed the tissue yesterday. Hardest thing I think I've ever been through. I cried solidly for about 3 days, then had 3 days of excruciating pain, just hours of contractions, prescription strength cocodamol every few hours didn't touch it at all. I had a scan at the EPU on the 25th who said I probably was miscarrying but they couldn't confirm it until a week later as the baby was still where it should be. Returned on the 3rd to show no heartbeat and foetus was now in my cervix and it was imminent. 

Am completely devastated. I'd already made so many plans and was so in love with my bundle of cells already. I have to return to work on Monday and am just so scared of walking back in there without being pregnant, it just all seems a bit pointless. 

Donor has been great, has said all the right things and is ready to help for as long as it takes. The midwife was great, said that there was no reason it would happen again... not that that's much comfort right now.


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## Rags

I'm so sorry to her your sad news Cinderella, you've had an awful few weeks. I'm glad your donor has been around and supportive, do you have other support around you? I can't imagine how you are feeling. I'll be thinking about you on Monday and hope you get through it ok. Xx


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## Rags

Oh well, so much for all of my plans with Ds for our two bank holiday weekends this month. We were out having a wonderful day yesterday with a friend - they'd been playing for ages and I'd told them they could have 5 more minutes before we left - 2 minutes later Ds shouts out and holds up his arm, one look and it's very obviously broken!!! He was a wee star, let the nurse and Dr manipulate the bones back into place only using gas and air! Cast on for the next 4 weeks (so no swimming) and then another few weeks of limited physical activity (he's gutted he might miss out on sports day).


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## Muggle

Hello everyone, 
I had read through this thread and the many stories a while ago when I started looking into TTC on my own and now it is great to be able to see updates on how everyone is doing. 
A little about me, I am 33 and single. I started to think about using a sperm donor to conceive a child on my own back in my mid twenties but knew that I wanted to wait a few more years until I was more settled in my career. I never really believed the whole saying about your biological clock ticking until around September of 2017 when I definitely felt it and knew that I needed to get started. Since then I have been tracking my periods and the last couple months I started testing with OPKs to track ovulation. I am meeting with my donor tonight and this will be my first cycle trying to conceive. 
I just want to say that being able to read through all your stories and experiences has been really helpful and encouraging.


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## Rags

Muggie, it's lovely to have you join us. I hope your meeting with your donor went well and that the whole process goes quickly and smoothly for you, I'm really looking forward to hearing from you over the next while. Very good luck. Xx


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## Muggle

Hi Rags, 
Thanks, the meeting did go really well. I ended up inseminating twice this cycle, I'm not holding out too much hope for a positive as I this is my first time and I'm not sure that I had the timing right. I have to admit I am finding the tww way harder than I thought I would.


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## Rainbobby18

I'm a single Mom by choice ttc after a loss having my first insemination this weekend


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## Rags

Hello Rainbobby, I'm sorry you've had a loss, I hope your next shot goes better for you, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Muggie, the TWW is an awful time which I remember well and can't give any advice on how to get through, apart from try to keep busy if possible! Getting the timing right is so difficult, I remember having a head full of numbers - if and egg lasts for 24hrs and sperm can live for 3 or 4 days but can sometimes last for 7 blah, blah, blah. Try not to get to caught up in it all, it only takes one sperm to be in the right place at the right time at that's as much to do with luck as planning!!!


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## Cinderella

Oh rags! Your poor boy! Although I remember always wanting to break a bone as a young child because wearing the cast seemed really cool &#128514;

Welcome Rainbobby and Muggle! This thread has been invaluable for me over the years, hope you find some comfort and knowledge here too! 

Muggle our stories sound very similar, I too am 33, have been wanting this for a while but wanted to be settled in both home and career. Have tried (unsuccessfully) previously but now have a new donor and we literally had one try the cycle I got pregnant. We dont have the luxury of trying exactly when I get a positive opk because hes military and Im police so our schedules are all over the place! I could see my opks get darker though and scheduled him in for two days later and got pregnant that first time! 

As for me, Im doing much better. That first week was dark, didnt know if I could do this ever again because the thought of miscarrying again was just too scary... but now nearly 3wks later and Im ready to go. My OPKs have started to darken so booked a night in a hotel for Thurs with plans to inseminate Thurs evening and Friday morning. I know its soon but I just feel better ploughing on. 

Question... has anyone told work about being single? I had to do a return to work interview after the miscarriage and my manager was surprised I was pregnant because she didnt know I had a partner and I just flat out lied and said I did, donor is now pretend partner (he knows and thinks its hilarious). I just couldnt do it though, I didnt want the judgement or the gossip &#128584;


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## Rainbobby18

I've had 2 inseminations so far and will have 2 or 3 more this week then I'll just play the waiting game


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## Muggle

Thanks Cinderella, I really am glad that I found this thread. It is so nice to know that there are others out there trying for the same thing,and because I don't know anyone in real life who has chosen to go the single mom route I have really enjoyed reading everyones stories here. 

This is my first cycle trying and one of the things that worries me most about being a single mom by choice is the judgement and questions from people, including co-workers. I'm not sure I would do any differently in your position, I guess I hope that people will become more familiar and accepting of the different forms that families can take. 

Good luck with the insemination on Thursday and Friday, hopefully May will be a lucky month for all of us trying :)


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## Rainbobby18

Had another insemination last night. It went a lot smoother now that I have gotten the hang of inserting the softcup :haha: I'm debating having one more insemination on my birthday or not.


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## Muggle

Hi Rainbobby18, 
I felt the same way after my second insemination, with the first one I was very worried about inserting the softcup correctly but the second time it seemed much easier. I wish I had been able to inseminate one or two more times, I was only able to meet up with my donor twice this cycle and I think I timed it a little too early.
I'm finding the wait incredibly long, the first few days after inseminating I was sure that something was going on and I was going to get a bfp, but the last couple days I've felt like I'm out this cycle.


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## Rainbobby18

Muggle said:


> Hi Rainbobby18,
> I felt the same way after my second insemination, with the first one I was very worried about inserting the softcup correctly but the second time it seemed much easier. I wish I had been able to inseminate one or two more times, I was only able to meet up with my donor twice this cycle and I think I timed it a little too early.
> I'm finding the wait incredibly long, the first few days after inseminating I was sure that something was going on and I was going to get a bfp, but the last couple days I've felt like I'm out this cycle.

 :hugs: You're not out until the red lady sings. Fx for you


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## Cinderella

Fingers crossed ladies! I got my peak about 36hrs ago and off to meet the donor in a few hours! I think I'm going to be a little too late on this cycle but figured having a tiny shot would be better than no shot at all! 

Although saying all that, (TMI ahead) my cervix has been really low and really soft, which doesn't match what you're supposed to be at when you're ovulating (which is high and soft) and I've got barely no CM, so god knows what's going on! I feel like it's doubly difficult when you're using a donor because most of us don't have the luxury of getting inseminations whenever we want, for me at least there's a lot of planning involved and if that doesn't match with when I actually ovulate it feels like a massive waste of time and money. :shrug: But it's worked once so fingers crossed it'll work again! 

I treated myself to a nice posh hotel on the beach, so once he's done and gone I'm going to enjoy a big comfy bed and beach walks and hope my softcup is in right :haha:


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## Rainbobby18

Fx and baby dust for you Cinderella! 

I agree it is hard to schedule inseminations at the right time with a donor.


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## Rainbobby18

My inseminations are done for this cycle so now I'm just gonna wait


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## Cinderella

My two inseminations are done too! 
Really struggled with the soft cup this morning, last month it was fine and went in perfectly, this month it just felt like it was in sideways and I dont think it held anything &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039;&#128514; 

My app says 10 days to af, but I dont think thats accurate as I only just got my positive opk &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039; Either way, Ill be testing in 10 days! Fingers crossed and baby dust ladies! &#129310;&#127995;&#129310;&#127995;


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## fairytales87

Good luck everyone xx


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## Cinderella

Oh God... I need some advice regarding donors &#128584; 
We were talking online for about 8 months and then met up for coffee and continued to chat for a few months. I was quite clear on my expectations, how I wanted him to be known but definitely just as a donor and not a daddy, with the occasional meeting (maybe twice a year at most) just so he wasnt this unknown entity. He agreed with this and said he was grateful to have some involvement....

Get to last night and he sent me a text saying cant wait to be a dad again... &#129320; 
I dont want to make it more than it is because he might not mean anything by it, but he seems to slowly be changing the goal posts and Im not comfortable with it. (As an aside, I went on his Facebook account yesterday for the first time in months and hes pretty much the exact opposite to me in terms of politics, which might seem like a strange thing to focus on but its just making me think hes not a very nice person, Im definitely a liberal lefty and believe in socialism and he is as right wing as they get).

What would you do? He got me pregnant on the first try so on a selfish level I just think crack on with it, I dont need to live with the guy so it shouldnt matter that were so different. And if I were to call things off with him, how on earth do you go about doing that without leaving any tension? 

Any thoughts much appreciated! I think you ladies are in the unique position of being the only ladies able to provide an opinion on this!


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## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> Oh God... I need some advice regarding donors &#128584;
> We were talking online for about 8 months and then met up for coffee and continued to chat for a few months. I was quite clear on my expectations, how I wanted him to be known but definitely just as a donor and not a daddy, with the occasional meeting (maybe twice a year at most) just so he wasnt this unknown entity. He agreed with this and said he was grateful to have some involvement....
> 
> Get to last night and he sent me a text saying cant wait to be a dad again... &#129320;
> I dont want to make it more than it is because he might not mean anything by it, but he seems to slowly be changing the goal posts and Im not comfortable with it. (As an aside, I went on his Facebook account yesterday for the first time in months and hes pretty much the exact opposite to me in terms of politics, which might seem like a strange thing to focus on but its just making me think hes not a very nice person, Im definitely a liberal lefty and believe in socialism and he is as right wing as they get).
> 
> What would you do? He got me pregnant on the first try so on a selfish level I just think crack on with it, I dont need to live with the guy so it shouldnt matter that were so different. And if I were to call things off with him, how on earth do you go about doing that without leaving any tension?
> 
> Any thoughts much appreciated! I think you ladies are in the unique position of being the only ladies able to provide an opinion on this!

 It can be a little awkward but it's something to talk about so he's clear on where he stands as for his online life don't let it worry you :shrug: as long as he knows his role and doesn't try to push for more or push his opinions on you I would keep him as a donor only find another if you're no longer comfortable with him


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## Rainbobby18

I'm about 3 or 4 DPO I'm not really counting and I'm trying not to symptom spot I'm just biding my time to see if af is gonna show her ugly face I'm treating myself like I'm already pregnant though eating more fruits and veggies especially my leafy greens cutting down on my coffee and alcohol and drinking a lot of water and taking my vitamins


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## fairytales87

I think you need to be very very clear to him that he is simply a donor 
I would also trust your instincts and if you don't have a good feeling then perhaps start looking for another donor.


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## Cinderella

Thanks for the input ladies! Im really unsure so plan to just have a bit of a frank discussion with him about it all. I thought I already had been frank with him but something has clearly got lost in translation! Im starting to think I might already be pregnant (crazy I know, Im 4dpo!) so dont want to rock the boat too much just in case I am and this one sticks so will wait until af or bfp before discussing it! I can get over the politics thing, because I dont plan on being that involved with him afterwards... hes just started messaging me more recently and asking if I want a coffee if hes ever in the area &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039;


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## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> Thanks for the input ladies! Im really unsure so plan to just have a bit of a frank discussion with him about it all. I thought I already had been frank with him but something has clearly got lost in translation! Im starting to think I might already be pregnant (crazy I know, Im 4dpo!) so dont want to rock the boat too much just in case I am and this one sticks so will wait until af or bfp before discussing it! I can get over the politics thing, because I dont plan on being that involved with him afterwards... hes just started messaging me more recently and asking if I want a coffee if hes ever in the area &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039;

 You're welcome. Omg I'm only 5dpo and I think I might be also. Whoa he's pushing the boundaries a lot I would definitely discuss that. It's inappropriate.


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## fairytales87

Sounds to me like he wants it to be more than just a donor.
Where did you find him? What did he say at first he wanted?


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## Rags

Cinderella, if this one takes would it be too sneaky to say to him that it hasn't and that you're not sure when you're going to try again and that you'll be in touch and then just get on with it yourself?
I know it's far from ideal and not the way you wanted to do things but I think if I were in your position I wouldn't be letting him know that I was expecting and I'd probably be looking at other options rather than continuing with him should this one not stick. It really comes down to what you are wanting from the future, would it be awful to have this man in your life and if he is hoping to have access to the child what kind of influence would he be. Also, once you give him access are there ramifications legally, even if he's not on the birth certificate can he seek legal advice to be know as the other parent?
Did you make any kind of contract with him at the start? That's a good way of being very clear about yours and his expectations. If you've not got a contract then do you have a copy of your email correspondence when you discussed what you wanted and what he'd be happy with? I'm not trying to complicate things for you but crossing the T's and dotting the i's at this stage could make the next 18 years far more pleasant for you all.

Good luck. Xx


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## Rainbobby18

The waiting is starting to get to me! Thank God I don't have any tests or I would be peeing on all the things.


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## Cinderella

Rainbobby - tell me about it! I do have tests and trying not to pee on anything for at least another 4/5 days!

Rags and Fairytales: thank you for your input. I think I know I need to cut my ties with him. He started to say stuff like we get on so well together recently too, when Ive made it perfectly clear that Im not after a relationship with him. Weve mainly communicated through text, so theyre all there saved on my phone but it would take some rifling to find the relevant ones. 
I have toyed with what to do if I am pregnant, my sister suggested not saying anything to him but Id be so worried about him ever finding out and then causing a scene or demanding visitation etc. I always told him I wouldnt put him on the birth certificate and he would be the donor not the daddy and he was always ok with it, but hes just started getting more friendly despite how much Im trying to knock it on the head. 

I think I have my answer though, the very fact Im having to think about these things makes me realise that I cant carry on with him. Im just worried about how to end it without upsetting him though, he doesnt know where I live or anything, but he knows my county and the fact that I work for the police, it wouldnt be hard to cause upset for me (not that I have reason to believe he would try to be difficult, I just know from work how weird some guys can get!) anyway, I found him on a Facebook donor site, lots of ladies have been having great success and I thought the very fact Id spoke to him for a year before we actually tried meant I knew him a bit better to make a judgement call &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039;. 

Im starting to think Cryos would be a good idea, I just wouldnt be able to afford every cycle, more like every 3/4 cycles for a lot less of a success rate! This is so hard!


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella: Have you tried to find a donor thru knowndonorregistry?


----------



## Cinderella

I havent rainbo, I used CoParents.co.uk for my first donor who gave up after 3 months. And then Facebook for my current donor. Will have a look &#128077;&#127995;


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> I havent rainbo, I used CoParents.co.uk for my first donor who gave up after 3 months. And then Facebook for my current donor. Will have a look &#128077;&#127995;

 I found my donor there he is awesome. There are some creeps on there so you will have to weed thru it. There is a specific search you could do for donors as well.


----------



## Rainbobby18

About 10dpo and have been feeling wet below like a drippy faucet sorry TMI but I don't know how else to describe it


----------



## Cinderella

Rainbobby18 said:


> About 10dpo and have been feeling wet below like a drippy faucet sorry TMI but I don't know how else to describe it

I had this last month! Huge change for me so I thought I might be pregnant. Ive been having it this time too but actually think af is about to start and Im a little bit relieved. 

AFM: was literally having lots of white discharge, tingly nipples and a shadow on an hpt so sure I was pregnant, yet just now Im having these sharp butt pains that I only get during af so sure Im about to start. Im massively disappointed because it would have been nice to be pregnant, but it gives me a chance to call things off with donor and search for a new one. Although that just seems exhausting at this point, I dont know if I have it in me to spend another half a year/ year getting to know someone for it to end badly &#128553;&#128584; especially knowing that with my current donor its relatively easy. I know thats not the right attitude though, I cant risk him wanting more involvement or wanting to get into a relationship when its not on the cards!


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella: I'm trying not to get my hopes up. Af is 6 days out. I don't feel out yet. I've never had this type of cm before after O. Is it normal?


----------



## Cinderella

I heard its an increase in progesterone when youre newly pregnant, which made sense but I havent looked into it! Its really hard not to get your hopes up either way! fingers crossed this is the start of something for you! 
I was sure Id have blood but I just went to pee and nothing so &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039; Who knows? Im definitely wet feeling. Im pretty much testing every day until af now so Ill see what tomorrows test says &#128514;


----------



## Cinderella

So, Im pretty sure I got a faint line on a cheapie this morning. Others could see it too so Im not going crazy! I cant post a picture because Im on mobile. It very much looks like my IC bfp from 12dpo last cycle, only Im only 9dpo! Ive got horrible nausea, wretching and cramps like last month and this all started in the early hours of this morning! &#128584; 
If I am pregnant, Im obviously going to be thrilled and just think long and hard about what to do about the donor. On a selfish level, I want to keep the guy around because apparently he can always get me pregnant &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039;


----------



## Rags

Cinderella said:


> So, IÂm pretty sure I got a faint line on a cheapie this morning. Others could see it too so IÂm not going crazy! I canÂt post a picture because IÂm on mobile. It very much looks like my IC bfp from 12dpo last cycle, only IÂm only 9dpo! IÂve got horrible nausea, wretching and cramps like last month and this all started in the early hours of this morning! ð
> If I am pregnant, IÂm obviously going to be thrilled and just think long and hard about what to do about the donor. On a selfish level, I want to keep the guy around because apparently he can always get me pregnant ð¤·ð»*âï¸

Oh Cinderella, I'm hoping this one sticks for you. I know it looks far from ideal with the donor suddenly but you will find a way to work through things if needs be. x


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> So, Im pretty sure I got a faint line on a cheapie this morning. Others could see it too so Im not going crazy! I cant post a picture because Im on mobile. It very much looks like my IC bfp from 12dpo last cycle, only Im only 9dpo! Ive got horrible nausea, wretching and cramps like last month and this all started in the early hours of this morning! &#128584;
> If I am pregnant, Im obviously going to be thrilled and just think long and hard about what to do about the donor. On a selfish level, I want to keep the guy around because apparently he can always get me pregnant &#129335;&#127995;*&#9792;&#65039;

 :happydance: fx cinderella! I totally understand wanting to hold on to your donor because he can get you pregnant.


----------



## Cinderella

Thanks guys! Very nervous, like, theres not even any joy in there at the moment because Im so worried that this wont end well. As well as all of the overwhelming pregnancy symptoms Im still having my specific af symptoms so unsure of this is going to end up a chemical or if Im just overthinking everything &#128584;&#128553;


----------



## Cinderella

Rainbo - how you doing today?


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> Rainbo - how you doing today?

 I'm tired, hot, craving weird things and some foods are a turn off. Af is due in 5 days. :shrug:


----------



## Cinderella

Rainbo that sounds really promising! I had all of those symptoms last month &#129310;&#127995;

I know this is my own fault for testing early, but there was barely a line at all today. Im working late evenings (5pm-3am) so struggle with what is fmu/smu - but there was barely anything on the test this morning. I didnt get a decent bfp until 14dpo last time and Im only 10dpo so I know Im not out... but all of a sudden not feeling so positive. &#128584;&#128553;

ETA: Here's the pictures... can anyone see this? I feel like I'm going crazy! :wacko:
 



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## Rags

Cinderella said:


> Rainbo that sounds really promising! I had all of those symptoms last month ð¤ð»
> 
> I know this is my own fault for testing early, but there was barely a line at all today. IÂm working late evenings (5pm-3am) so struggle with what is fmu/smu - but there was barely anything on the test this morning. I didnÂt get a decent bfp until 14dpo last time and IÂm only 10dpo so I know IÂm not out... but all of a sudden not feeling so positive. ðð©
> 
> ETA: Here's the pictures... can anyone see this? I feel like I'm going crazy! :wacko:

Those are really definite positives Cinders, and you're not even due on yet. I'd have a digital test in the cupboard for the day AF is due if I were you. Best luck.


----------



## Cinderella

Thanks Rags! I feel relieved that someone else can see it! If AF stays away for the next 4 days, I have a digital ready and waiting! &#128514;&#128584;


----------



## fairytales87

Cinderella 
My bfp line eyes are Rubbish these days but I hope this is your take home baba&#10084;&#65039;xx


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> Rainbo that sounds really promising! I had all of those symptoms last month &#129310;&#127995;
> 
> I know this is my own fault for testing early, but there was barely a line at all today. Im working late evenings (5pm-3am) so struggle with what is fmu/smu - but there was barely anything on the test this morning. I didnt get a decent bfp until 14dpo last time and Im only 10dpo so I know Im not out... but all of a sudden not feeling so positive. &#128584;&#128553;
> 
> ETA: Here's the pictures... can anyone see this? I feel like I'm going crazy! :wacko:

 I see it. Fx for you. Stick baby stick! 

Still feeling like a drippy faucet, All i want to do is sleep, my appetite is weird from craving weird things and eating hardly, i feel irritable and anxious.


----------



## Cinderella

Rainbobby18 said:


> I see it. Fx for you. Stick baby stick!
> 
> Still feeling like a drippy faucet, All i want to do is sleep, my appetite is weird from craving weird things and eating hardly, i feel irritable and anxious.

Rainbo thank you! Those all sound really good (and pretty much exactly what Im feeling now) so really hoping this is it for you! Youre so much more disciplined than I am! I promised myself I wouldnt test until 12dpo but caved at 7dpo! &#128584;


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> Rainbobby18 said:
> 
> 
> I see it. Fx for you. Stick baby stick!
> 
> Still feeling like a drippy faucet, All i want to do is sleep, my appetite is weird from craving weird things and eating hardly, i feel irritable and anxious.
> 
> Rainbo thank you! Those all sound really good (and pretty much exactly what Im feeling now) so really hoping this is it for you! Youre so much more disciplined than I am! I promised myself I wouldnt test until 12dpo but caved at 7dpo! &#128584;Click to expand...

 I haven't caved because I have no tests


----------



## Cinderella

Well thats one way to make sure you dont test! 

Felt like my line was more noticeable this morning (my sister actually noticed it). Feeling periody though so not holding my breath &#128557; I hope I at least get a definite positive if this is going to be a chemical just so I know that it definitely happened, which probably sounds odd... but I think it just helps knowing it was a definite pregnancy and not just a figment of my imagination!


----------



## Rainbobby18

I hope it's a sticky baby


----------



## Cinderella

AF got me this morning. Line was there last night, gone this morning, AF a few hours later. The nausea stopped about 7pm last night too.... unsure if a chemical or just not pregnant at all but decided this is a good time to get rid of current donor and look for a new one. Cant believe Im back at square one after being pregnant a month ago.


----------



## Rainbobby18

Cinderella said:


> AF got me this morning. Line was there last night, gone this morning, AF a few hours later. The nausea stopped about 7pm last night too.... unsure if a chemical or just not pregnant at all but decided this is a good time to get rid of current donor and look for a new one. Cant believe Im back at square one after being pregnant a month ago.

:hugs: I'm sorry Cinderella it might have been a cp. Maybe another donor is what is best. Here for you.


----------



## Rainbobby18

:coffee: Two days til af (hopefullyshe stays away). I woke up super nauseous this morning plus a headache.


----------



## Rainbobby18

13dpo and spotting. I think I'm out.


----------



## fairytales87

So sorry Cinderella
Good luck in your search for a new donor are you going with the co parenting site again?xx


----------



## Rainbobby18

I'm out. Cd1. Moving on to cycle #2.


----------



## Rags

Oh Cinders and Rainbow, I'm sorry to hear that this isn't the month for either of you - when I eventually got there and was sitting holding my D's it occurred to me that he was exactly the baby I'd wanted and if I'd conceived on any of my other cycles he's not the one I would have got! He loves it when I tell him this, i hope you can take some solice from this too. Xx


----------



## Rainbobby18

:hugs: thank you Rags


----------



## Cinderella

Thanks Rags! I'm a firm believer in the universe sorting itself out and what will be, will be etc. so I know that this wasn't the time for me. I feel a bit relieved to be having a few months off whilst I regroup.

Sorry you're out too rainbo! It sucks hard, but onto next month!

I looked at Cryos, figured I'd maybe do a cycle or two with their sperm and just see what happens, found a donor one day, went to reserve the next and there's a little message saying 'from July 1st we no longer deliver to private addresses.' so that's that. It was always my fallback option and I feel a bit sad that it's no longer there. 

Fairytales; I've subscribed to the co-parents site again. It's like, £39 for 3 months which is perfectly reasonable. I've been much more strict on my profile about not wanting a father figure and not wanting to be too involved with each other and have gotten quite a few messages already so I'm quite optimistic! 

Now I'm not actively trying, I keep feeling really sad about the miscarriage again. I would have been 12 weeks yesterday. I know that that baby was never meant to be, it was more than likely not compatible with life etc. but for those few weeks I'd had our entire futures mapped out.


----------



## fairytales87

Cinderella said:


> Thanks Rags! I'm a firm believer in the universe sorting itself out and what will be, will be etc. so I know that this wasn't the time for me. I feel a bit relieved to be having a few months off whilst I regroup.
> 
> Sorry you're out too rainbo! It sucks hard, but onto next month!
> 
> I looked at Cryos, figured I'd maybe do a cycle or two with their sperm and just see what happens, found a donor one day, went to reserve the next and there's a little message saying 'from July 1st we no longer deliver to private addresses.' so that's that. It was always my fallback option and I feel a bit sad that it's no longer there.
> 
> Fairytales; I've subscribed to the co-parents site again. It's like, £39 for 3 months which is perfectly reasonable. I've been much more strict on my profile about not wanting a father figure and not wanting to be too involved with each other and have gotten quite a few messages already so I'm quite optimistic!
> 
> Now I'm not actively trying, I keep feeling really sad about the miscarriage again. I would have been 12 weeks yesterday. I know that that baby was never meant to be, it was more than likely not compatible with life etc. but for those few weeks I'd had our entire futures mapped out.

Aww that's a shame about cryos are there no other banks which do ship to private addresses?
Hopefully you find a new donor soon 
I'm such a worrier about no tests etc doing it without a clinic but the costs are so high I couldn't afford to keep trying so I hear you on not being able to afford lots of cycles that way

Losses are very hard I still think of my babies everyday
Here if you need to talk:hugs:


----------



## Rainbobby18

First insem for cycle #2 was on Sunday at cd6 I got an ealier start this cycle so we shall see


----------



## Rags

Waw Rainbow, that's a very early start this cycle! Good luck to you.


----------



## Rainbobby18

Rags- thank you. I didn't get any insems during the week cause I was sick and work but O is gonna be over the weekend so it could go either way :shrugs:


----------



## Rags

Rainbobby18 said:


> Rags- thank you. I didn't get any insems during the week cause I was sick and work but O is gonna be over the weekend so it could go either way :shrugs:

It's always worth giving it a go, especially if you've been ill as it can effect things.Hope it all went smoothly and I'll be sending you the best of luck and loads of baby dust.


----------



## Rainbobby18

Rags said:


> Rainbobby18 said:
> 
> 
> Rags- thank you. I didn't get any insems during the week cause I was sick and work but O is gonna be over the weekend so it could go either way :shrugs:
> 
> It's always worth giving it a go, especially if you've been ill as it can effect things.Hope it all went smoothly and I'll be sending you the best of luck and loads of baby dust.Click to expand...

Thank you Rags. I don't think this is my cycle :( I got a new job and my donor went on vacation. Oh well. How about you?


----------



## fairytales87

Just checking in to see if anybody is still around and how everyone's getting on
&#10084;&#65039;xx


----------



## Rags

Hi Fairytales, I'm still about but not very active. It's been a really disastrous summer for my family and I pop on sometimes to see what nice things are happening with everyone else for a distraction.

So how have things been with you?


----------



## fairytales87

Rags said:


> Hi Fairytales, I'm still about but not very active. It's been a really disastrous summer for my family and I pop on sometimes to see what nice things are happening with everyone else for a distraction.
> 
> So how have things been with you?

Oh I'm sorry to hear that feel free to message anytime if you want to chat
Hopefully things get better for you&#10084;&#65039;
I've been poorly for almost a year now so lots of tests etc 
and I spend a lot of time in my bed as I'm very tired all the time 
but there's lots of ppl worse than me so I passed the time by following some blogs and watching more TV than ever before lol
I have a little nosey through here every so often to see what everyone's up to would be lovely to hear how everyone's getting on all the LOs will be getting big now!!!
&#128151;xx


----------



## darkriver

Hello everyone, 
Long time no see. I havent updated in almost a year but I thought I would let you know that I lost the girls after my period of complex mental health. 

They have been adopted by a family. I am slowly seeing the wood through the trees. I start proper therapy in September. 

I dont feel my journey is over though as all through the process of losing the girls I was told I wasnt a bad mum just an unwell one. I start private therapy in a couple of weeks and will work though my recovery. I would like to be a mum again in the future but want to get better first.


----------



## Rags

darkriver said:


> Hello everyone,
> Long time no see. I havent updated in almost a year but I thought I would let you know that I lost the girls after my period of complex mental health.
> 
> They have been adopted by a family. I am slowly seeing the wood through the trees. I start proper therapy in September.
> 
> I dont feel my journey is over though as all through the process of losing the girls I was told I wasnt a bad mum just an unwell one. I start private therapy in a couple of weeks and will work though my recovery. I would like to be a mum again in the future but want to get better first.

Darkriver, I am so sorry to hear your year has been so awful, I can't begin to imagine how amazingly courageous you have had to be to get through everything you have and be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I'm so pleased to hear you are beginning therapy shortly, I very much hope it helps your recovery and allows you move forward into a wonderful future. I'l be thinking about you and sending you my best wishes and warmest thought always. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## indigowarrior

This Darkriver under a new profile. My old one held to many bad memories. I would like to still follow this thread.


----------



## Rags

indigowarrior said:


> This Darkriver under a new profile. My old one held to many bad memories. I would like to still follow this thread.

Indigowarrior, it gives me great pleasure to be the first to welcome you to this thread:kiss::kiss::hugs: I'm glad you still want to keep up with us all and we will look forward to hearing from you as all of our journeys continue.


----------



## indigowarrior

Rags said:


> indigowarrior said:
> 
> 
> This Darkriver under a new profile. My old one held to many bad memories. I would like to still follow this thread.
> 
> Indigowarrior, it gives me great pleasure to be the first to welcome you to this thread:kiss::kiss::hugs: I'm glad you still want to keep up with us all and we will look forward to hearing from you as all of our journeys continue.Click to expand...

Thank you so much Rags. Appreciate it. Wishing my life away but guess I have to take the very slow path.


----------



## K.N

Indigowarrior. You are so brave for everything you have been through. Sometimes the roads are very bumpy and slow. And even miserable. One day at a time is a good way to think. Tomorrow is always a new day. I hope you are being kind to yourself and keeping well xxx


----------



## K.N

I haven't posted in ageessss. But I do pop in and have a quick read often!! Things have been really hard with Emelia-Michelle. She is my everything. But she has been such a sick little girl. Reflux. Allergies. Recurring infections failure to grow. All sorts.. So we are waiting on an appointment where they may consider early tonsil removal as she is having apnoia episodes. And also grommets to release some of the pressure. She is dairy, soy, gluten free. And also allergic to some fruits etc. Her fontanel closed super early, and her head hasn't grown since she was 3 months old. She is now nearly 7 months which can put pressure on her brain and daycare are now worried she is presenting signs of cerebral palsy. Which I don't know a lot about. But will talk to the paeditrician when we next see her. Doesn't rain does it?? It pours... I love her soooo much. But gosh. This is not what I imagined her life would be like! :( :(


----------



## fairytales87

Oh KN what a tough road you and LO have had.
She has a fantastic mumma so I'm sure she will do just great no matter what challenges life gives her&#128151;xx


----------



## Keebs

Hi everyone, doesn't look like this thread is particularly active any more but I'm going to post any way as I need a sounding board for my own thoughts.

I have two gorgeous girls from the same donor and yet have never felt like my family was complete. Initially I ruled out trying for a third due to finances but have had a rethink lately following some restructuring at work. 

So, contacted my donor to see if he was able to help. Yes, no worries.... Then drops a casual suggestion to try "naturally" due to its success. Totally inappropriate as I have always been very clear that AI is the only option. 

My view on donors who do this is unfit for print, but essentially I view them as predators taking advantage of vulnerable women. Gutted and so angry, although I'm certain he will donate AI I now worry he's done this to others, perhaps insinuating was what worked when he helped me.

Soured the whole arrangement for me. For the sake of the children i do feel it's better they all have the same donor but feel almost violated at the thought of using him now.

Not sure if Im over reacting or not .


----------



## Rags

Oh Keebs, I'm sorry to hear that things have been soured for you with this one comment, please don't be. It may actually be that he's miss read your relationship somewhat. I'm not saying that makes it any better but he's possibly not being predatory (benefit of the doubt). I'm not sure how many insemination's it took for your other two wonderful girls, is it possible he's thinking it could work first time??? 
I watched a documentary recently about donors and a few of them on the programme mentioned that they'd never suggest/offer 'natural' and that people should be weary of anyone who does.

Would you look for a different donor? I only have one Ds but I did try for a second. I used frozen sperm from a clinic and when I was trying for the 2nd I was told my son's donor had withdrawn consent for any more of his stock to be used so I decided to go with a different donor as who the other genetic material came from wasn't something I was bothered about.


----------



## Keebs

Hi Rags, how are you? I hope life is on the up again after your disaterous summer.

I've heard a few people mention that documentary, must try and find it online.

Doubt my donor has miss read anything, suspect he is taking a punt on getting lucky... although I am no oil painting lol, don't think that matters to some men however.

I would consider another donor but the thought of weeding through all the sleeze again doesn't appeal, plus lost time etc. Honestly couldn't give two hoots about genetic heritage myself, but I do worry it may affect the girls later in life. Maybe I'm more anal than I like to think, but it just seems neater to have all the same 8-[ 

Anyway, have decided to go ahead for now. Completing my family will absolutely be worth it.

Can I ask when you told your son how he came to be? My eldest is aware we are different to other families but hasn't yet asked about why so is still clueless. Have been waiting for her to broach the subject but at this rate she may be old and grey before she knows!

KN - Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. Sounds like it's been a tough start, we all want to protect our children from hurt and pain. Must be such a challenge watching your child go through so much, but I bet you guys are such a strong team. Together you can face anything :hugs:

Indigowarrior - warmest wishes on your road to recovery xx

fairytales87 - sounds like a super tough year for you too, hope your tests were helpful. 

Honestly. I am blown away by the postive attitudes shown by everyone on this thread, puts my little rant into prespective. Remember why I loved this thread so much before. xxx


----------



## Rags

Keebs said:


> Hi Rags, how are you? I hope life is on the up again after your disaterous summer.
> 
> I've heard a few people mention that documentary, must try and find it online.
> 
> Doubt my donor has miss read anything, suspect he is taking a punt on getting lucky... although I am no oil painting lol, don't think that matters to some men however.
> 
> I would consider another donor but the thought of weeding through all the sleeze again doesn't appeal, plus lost time etc. Honestly couldn't give two hoots about genetic heritage myself, but I do worry it may affect the girls later in life. Maybe I'm more anal than I like to think, but it just seems neater to have all the same 8-[
> 
> Anyway, have decided to go ahead for now. Completing my family will absolutely be worth it.
> 
> Can I ask when you told your son how he came to be? My eldest is aware we are different to other families but hasn't yet asked about why so is still clueless. Have been waiting for her to broach the subject but at this rate she may be old and grey before she knows!
> 
> KN - Congratulations on your beautiful baby girl. Sounds like it's been a tough start, we all want to protect our children from hurt and pain. Must be such a challenge watching your child go through so much, but I bet you guys are such a strong team. Together you can face anything :hugs:
> 
> Indigowarrior - warmest wishes on your road to recovery xx
> 
> fairytales87 - sounds like a super tough year for you too, hope your tests were helpful.
> 
> Honestly. I am blown away by the postive attitudes shown by everyone on this thread, puts my little rant into prespective. Remember why I loved this thread so much before. xxx

Hi Keebs, I wouldn't want to be having to rake through profiles if your previous is still willing, good luck. My 3 nieces have two different fathers between them, it hasn't made any difference to the way the relate to each other but I think it would be different if it were donors and maybe one was happy to be traced later in life and the other wasn't.

My Ds has always been very curious about the human body and babies - he was only 2 and a half when he first asked how a baby gets into a women's tummy, I told him two seeds bump together and each has half the information needed to make a baby, a couple of weeks later he came back and asked where the seeds come from. I explained that one of the seeds is inside the women from when she is made and that the other comes from a man - I took this as my chance to let him know that most of the time the man is there and becomes the babies father but that there are some very generous men who know that some women need help to make a baby and they leave some of their seeds at clinics for Dr's to give those women. Everything progressed from there and by the time he was 3 he knew it all and we were introducing the proper names for everything. He is 8 now and will quite happily ask me questions. He has decided to tell his big cousins (I explained that this was his story and he could say, or not say, to anyone he wants, but that he has to understand that once he tell someone he has no control over who they tell. He knows anything I know about the donor - height, weight, hair colour, eye colour - and he knows that if he want's to he can find out his name and stuff when he's older. He knows why I decided to have him this way, how many tries I had and how much they cost me, he is a very, very curious wee boy.


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## Cinderella

How's everyone Doing? 
It's been a while! I had to stop TTC so I could wait for surgery and then have my gallbladder out. That finally happened In Nov and I'm now in my first tww since the op. I find it really frustrating to be on the forums when not TTC because it just seems like I'm so far away from my goals. Donor has been great about having a break and then starting up again. I'm massively frustrated that we're only getting one donation a month at the moment because of our work schedules. I know the first time I got pregnant it only took one go, but that was definitely a fluke. I'm starting to feel really negative about the whole thing, like I probably won't ever get pregnant again and if I do it'll probably end in miscarriage. I know that attitude isn't helpful but I can't seem to shake myself out of it.

Anyway, I'm around 11dpo (didn't confirm o) and all tests so far are bfn. I was having some cramping around 7-9dpo so was hopeful that was implantation but I think that was just wishful thinking. I'm not having any symptoms now and AF is due in 3 days. 

Hope you're all doing well and had a good holiday period!


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## Rags

Hello Cinderella, so glad to hear you've had your surgery and have recovered well. That's good that your donor has been so accommodating, he sounds like a decent guy. The TWW is always awful, it's easy to forget how much time you spend questioning every niggle, you're at day 11 so not long to know either way - good luck. Xx


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## Cinderella

Just popping in to say I got my bfp two days ago! Obviously after the miscarriage I’m really nervous that this isn’t going to end well again, but I’m at least pleased that I managed to get pregnant for a second time and it wasn’t a fluke. 

Hope you’re all well!


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## Rags

Cinderella said:


> Just popping in to say I got my bfp two days ago! Obviously after the miscarriage I’m really nervous that this isn’t going to end well again, but I’m at least pleased that I managed to get pregnant for a second time and it wasn’t a fluke.
> 
> Hope you’re all well!

Oh Cinderella, I'm really pleased to hear your news. I know that things must be nerve racking for you just now, I really hope everything goes smoothly for you and will be watching to see how you're doing. Good Luck.


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## Rags

Cinderella said:


> Just popping in to say I got my bfp two days ago! Obviously after the miscarriage I’m really nervous that this isn’t going to end well again, but I’m at least pleased that I managed to get pregnant for a second time and it wasn’t a fluke.
> 
> Hope you’re all well!

Hello Cinderella - well it's not the start of 2020, I'm so very much hoping 2019 went smoothly for you? How are things going?


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