# Really having to bite my tongue!



## katy1310

A relation of DH - not sure what she is, a distant cousin maybe! - is pregnant. She has annoyed me all the way through with her facebook updates - I can't remember what they've been up till now but today it's:

Baby is wide awake, wish she would just wriggle her way out. So I replied "noooo, you don't want her out yet!" and she said "I really do, had enough out". She's still got until September!!!!! And OMG just checked back and in reply to my "believe me, you really don't" she has replied " I know she'd be okay now so if she decided to come or midwife decided she has to come in next few weeks I'd be happy..."

Seriously? I am having a hard time not saying something back!

ETA - someone else commented saying "You don't want to be in intensive care with a prem baby" so I said "There are no guarantees, even though you're now a few weeks further on than I got, if they're early even by a few weeks, they often have breathing issues or feeding issues etc. Believe me, watching your baby in neonatal is a million times worth than anything you might go through yourself. The next few weeks will pass soon enough, she is much better safe inside you than fighting in neonatal xx" and the other person said "I agree, keep her inside as long as possible" - I hope I didn't sound horrible with what I said but I just couldn't bite my tongue!

Now she has said " It's not me it's the midwife. Said if I keep getting the pains I was getting shed be safer out rather than in. I trust them so sure she will be fine x" - it's not a decision they would take lightly, and you can't just be 100% sure she'd be fine! And she's not seeing the midwife again till the 30th so there can't be that much of a panic about her being safer out than in.....

Just found out she is only 33 weeks - it's so not guaranteed that she would be ok coming now. For some reason I feel really upset by this status.....I really thought I had come to terms with everything but the way I feel reading that, I clearly haven't.


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## katy1310

Grr, just got a notification that the other person had replied again but when I clicked to see what she'd said, the status has now been removed! I'm intrigued now! There is now another status about being tired and in the comments it's got "Not been sleeping great so I don't think it'll be long now"!!!!!!


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## AP

These people get my bloody goat. Nothing but experience would educate them I guess :( 
Besides, you know how clueless they are when they think not sleeping means a baby is going to come :dohh:


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## katy1310

Exactly what I thought, you can tell she's totally clueless! Loads of people were commenting thinking she was about at her due date, saying you'll be up at 4am doing the cleaning/when I was not sleeping and getting pains like that I had him 2 days later - but at 41 weeks - bla bla bla. She was saying she is getting pains and someone suggested braxton hicks but she said oh I know it's not that. Bloody know all :haha: 

She should be careful what she wishes for. I know pregnancy can be really unpleasant but I'd rather put up with ANYTHING myself than watch my baby fighting in NICU.


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## RcdM

I definitely know what you mean. I have prayed and prayed that this one stays in as long as possible, and I even told God that I was willing to endure any and every type of physical pregnancy pain if it meant this one goes full term! 

I think it's just our natural defenses that come up because we know how hard it was being a parent of a preemie and spending countless days/weeks/months in the NICU. I don't wish that on anyone. But they just don't know any better. It is a bit ridiculous to say that because you're uncomfortable or not sleeping means the baby just needs to come out. Maybe there's more to the story she's not fully explaining? I don't see any midwife or doctor that would say that unless medically necessary for the baby or mother's own life. Any other doctor would say this is part of pregnancy! :nope:


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## Jes.shortcake

Since when is not sleeping great and some pains (I remember I had pain all over some days) enough reason to delivery early?


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## katy1310

It all seems to have gone quiet again, no more mention on fb of the baby coming early, just back to the moaning about being hot/uncomfortable/tired/not being able to put her toenail varnish on. 

I really think if the midwife was saying the baby was at the "better out than in" stage, she'd possibly be switched to consultant care, or at the very least, be seeing her midwife before the 30th of July which is when she is saying she is next seeing her. When the issues started with me, I was first seeing the MW every second day then ever day then transferred to the consultant and monitored by him every few days x


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## vermeil

Man I hear ya. At a hospital appointment the pregnant lady next to me (she seemed 7 months along perhaps) kept Moaning bout how done she was with this pregnancy, how she couldnt wear her pretty red shoes any more, how ugly her feet looked and how she wished the baby would come out now.

Meanwhile my son was fighting for his life, flatlining every day in the nicu. We had been given 25% survival odds. I would have given my left arm to keep him in just a few days more

After 30 minutes of her complaining of these things over amd over, I just couldn't take it any more and calmly listed to her every complication my son had: punctured lung, septicemia, necrotizing enterocolitis (the dreaded NEC) spinal taps, 3 IV lines aaaand confirmed brain damage.

Ahbthe look on her face. I discovered that day I have a mean streak. She left the room and I never saw her again :devil:


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## Jes.shortcake

I was pregnant at the same time as 2 other friends and we were all due the same month. The last couple months of their pregnancy, while my son was fighting to survive, I had to see their facebook statuses complaining and whining about still being pregnant. I never commented but my husband did. When one of them had a status saying she's tired of being pregnant, my husband commented that she should be grateful for that...


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## jandksmommy

I had a friend who did this on Facebook too. Constant complaining about her pain and feeling sick. I was nice at first, just posting that her discomfort was temporary but the result of an early birth could mean a lifetime of problems for her child. When she continued to post that she wanted the baby out early, I posted a picture of my 1lb 6oz baby complete with ventilator, IV tubes and all... and wrote "This is what you are wishing for!". She stopped posting stupid comments like that... also stopped talking to me but I'm fine with that as I would rather not be friends with someone selfish enough to wish that on her baby.


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## BrandiCanucks

Things like this piss me off. I trusted my midwives too until my son's cord prolapsed due to polyhydramnios and he needed to be born by emergency c-section. He almost died. I say trust your instincts. Personally, I think she's bluffing on her midwives saying it'll be fine to go early.

My friend's baby was born at 35w5d and spent 2 weeks in NICU for breathing and feeding issues, despite being 6lbs 12oz. My son was born at 40w2d and is now 12 days old and we are STILL in NICU. We're on NICU stay round 3.

I was uncomfortable too, and I KNEW something was wrong towards the end, but I never would have WISHED my baby out because I was uncomfy. Holy hell.

Send her my way. I don't mind flipping out on her and setting her straight.


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## BrandiCanucks

Things like this piss me off. I trusted my midwives too until my son's cord prolapsed due to polyhydramnios and he needed to be born by emergency c-section. He almost died. I say trust your instincts. Personally, I think she's bluffing on her midwives saying it'll be fine to go early.

My friend's baby was born at 35w5d and spent 2 weeks in NICU for breathing and feeding issues, despite being 6lbs 12oz. My son was born at 40w2d and is now 12 days old and we are STILL in NICU. We're on NICU stay round 3.

I was uncomfortable too, and I KNEW something was wrong towards the end, but I never would have WISHED my baby out because I was uncomfy. Holy hell.

Send her my way. I don't mind flipping out on her and setting her straight.


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## Betheney

i don't mind people complaining about pregnancy and how much it sucks but wishing your baby was premature because of pregnancy discomforts is a bit silly, i genuinely think people who say it don't mean it. When they told me i might deliver at 30 weeks i bawled my eyes out that it was too early, then when they told me i'm definitely delivering at 33.5weeks i was "alright! lets get this baby out!" and was excited to meet our new baby despite his prematurity. I never admitted it to anyone but i wanted the baby out from 33 weeks, not because pregnancy was uncomfortable but because it was such a nightmare pregnancy. I was in and out and in and out and in and out of hospital for weeks. I kept having to juggle multiple appointments and scans and check ups only to be admitted for 2-3days with no notice to get my daughter daycare who were full most days and of course every hospital stay meant being away from my baby girl, the worst was the uncertainty of it all, it went from "either you'll improve and deliver full term or you wont and you'll deliver this week" It was such a horrible rollercoaster i wanted it over and i must admit having him out and in hospital was better than what we were experiencing with him in.


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