# A little about my journey so far - any similar experiences?



## futurephotos

Hi everyone! I'm glad to have found this forum to connect with other ladies ttc. I want to share my experiences so far and see if any one else has had anything similar in their journey.

My husband and I have been a couple for 5 1/2 years, but are recently married in December 2010 - so only married for 6 months. We began trying for a child right away after the wedding. When we have one it will be our first (born).

The very first month of trying I was convinced I was pregnant - like 90% sure. I had so many "symptoms" super tired, achy feeling, flushed in my chest, tingly feeling in my hands, bloated, gassy, dizzy sometimes, slightly tender breasts, mild nausea for small periods of time. I had to wait 2 weeks to know for sure... I tested before my period was actually late and it was negative. I didn't really believe it and thought it just wasn't showing up because it was early still. I felt so strange and out of sorts. I ended up getting my period (it was a couple days later than normal). Very disappointed! I guess the mind is so powerful that it can fool your body - I wanted to create a baby sooo bad that it felt like I was preggers.

The second and third month no luck (and no weird feelings). I was frustrated and worried. I've always feared not being able to have children. I never realized that getting pregnant was such hard work!! It seems so unfair that so many pregnancies aren't planned (or sometimes wanted) and THOSE are the ones that happen without problems. 

The fourth cycle of trying - I felt my ovulation happen (I do many months) We'd made love during my whole fertile time so I was really confident about how our timing was. When my period didn't come on the day I expected I was surprised - after 2 more days I started wondering if it had actually happened this time. Each time I went to the bathroom I was really anxious - expecting that I'd find blood when I wiped. I took a HPT on the 33rd day - my cycles are never this long. It was POSITIVE! Thrilled- called to find out when to schedule my first prenatal exam and was shocked that the Dr. want to wait until 10 weeks. Ok...

I had 2 blissful days. Had "baby on the brain" continually! Then unfortunately I started bleeding. After a few days of light, dark brown flow I called the Dr. when I saw some clots in it. They had me come in for blood work. My HCG level was only 235 - which is very low (at 5 weeks). To see how I was trending I went in again the next day. HCG levels are supposed to double every 24-48 hours. Mine only rose to 249... not good at all. Dr. told me that a miscarriage was highly likely. This news was they day before Easter. We'd hoped to tell our families.

The MC happened naturally (no D&C) between Easter and Mother's Day. It was painful and scary. An emotional roller-coaster. I went through all the stages of grief. I'm thankful that it happened to me early on - it is still a loss, but the longer it would have gone on the more attached I would have been. I can't even put myself in the shoes of mothers who have had still births. It wasn't fun to tell our parents what happened. (will be the first grand-baby on both sides). We had to wait 1 cycle before trying again - that mostly brings us to present day.

I have wanted to have a baby for a long time - I've ready stack of pregnancy and parenting books over the past few years. Now if I get pregnant again it takes away some of the innocence and joy of it. I know I'll be continuously worried. I do feel good that we now know we're not infertile - we did create something, this time it wasn't viable- next time there isn't any higher risk.

So this current cycle is our first after the MC that we could possible be pregnant again. I HATE the 2WW!!! Waiting in general seems to be what all of this is about. Each month waiting to see if you're pregnant, waiting to see if HCG is rising or falling - in my case waiting to see when the bleeding will finally stop, waiting to try again. 

I'm approx 4-6 dpo - I don't know if this is too soon to have implanted yet, but I keep having twinges in my uterous. I've been tired and cranky. Headaches for a few days in a row now. I hope that I'm pregnant! This June I turned 27 and my husband 31. If we've conceived this cycle it would be the best birthday present to the both of us ever.

I'm so obsessed with everything "baby." I've been looking at all the gear online and watching tutorial videos and reading articles. It's like I can't think about anything else. I feel like I need my baby fix each day - I go to stores just to look at all the stuff. I've even ordered the crib bedding set I liked the most already just to be sure I'd get it (if it were discontinued before it's my time). Am I crazy? 

I know everyone says to relax and just let what happens happen -but it's hard when you want something so much to not be able to "do"anything about it. I'm not stressed - I'm staying relaxed... I exercise regularly, get lots of rest etc. I just want a baby NOW. I don't think it's bad to be prepared - I'm an overachiever by nature so I think it's good to learn as much as I can before I do need to "worry"about it.

Anyways -this is starting to seem like a novel. I have a lot more I could say, but at least this is the basics of my story. I wanted to put it out there and see if anyone has any thoughts. It's helpful for me to connect with people. I don't have too many people I can talk to about all of this (and I don't want to drive my husband crazy by talking about it all the time to him). 

Thanks ladies!


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## Sushai

Hi and welcome to BnB!!

Just wanted to say that I totally get where your coming from. I've been with my DH for 5yrs next Thursday and married for almost 3. We ttc for 1.5yrs before we finally got our :bfp: I too was baby crazy during the ttc period, reading up on so much pregnancy stuff and looking at all the gorgeous baby things at the store, I even started knitting a baby blanket (that unfortunately unravelled during a move from place to place).

I'm sorry about your loss. I too had one, although before we were actively ttc, an unexpecked surprise. I lost my little one a week after finding out, so no d&c like you, more of a heavier period with clots. It's true, no matter how early or late a loss is a loss.

I hope that you receive your much wanted :bfp: really soon. That way you can really go nuts with all the cute baby stuff!


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## robinator

Best of luck :)


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## vaniilla

*Welcome to BnB  good luck TTC!*


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## xJG30

https://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g146/GemLoux/Welcome.gif


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## cleckner04

Welcome!! :wave:


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## kgriffin

hey,

I can relate - im 25, got married in October, had my first early miscarriage 3 weeks ago, im "patiently" waiting for my AF, we were supposed to wait until after my first real AF to ttc again, but we BD'd once before we knew of any of this.

I felt saddened too, and still do, and you're right about the innocense being take away, i sort of feel jaded by the whole pregnancy thing. My husband endured a sitation with still birth at 40 weeks (day before the due date, the babies heart stopped beating). so he certainly feels upset about this as well.

I hope that this could be your month, and hey - maybe mine too. I am 9dpo and have a few symptoms, but who can really tell, im probably tired and cranky most of the time anyways lol.

Anyway, if you need someone to chat with, pm me!

Kate


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## Chris77

:hi: Welcome to BnB!


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## odd_socks

*Hello and welcome :wave:*


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## angel2010

Welcome!


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## polo_princess

:hi: and welcome to BnB


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## hakunamatata

https://i1127.photobucket.com/albums/l634/hakunamatata2012/welcome2.gif


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## teal

Hello and welcome :flower: xx


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## v2007

:hi:

Welcome. 

V xxx


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## futurephotos

A little update on things...

So on June 22nd I got a faint positive on a walgreens HPT. I tested again on the 27th and still BFP, line wasn't much darker though. Still no sign of AF - now I'm a week late. However, I still have a couple more days to go until I'm past the point that bleeding began the last time. I feel like a nervous wreck that things won't go right this time. 

I think that next week I'll call the clinic on the 5th and see if I can get in for bloodwork. Part of me is curious to know what the HCG level is this time and how it compares to before, but the other part of me doesn't want to know in case the news doesn't seem good and only stresses me out more.

I'm praying every second that this little one stays in there!


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## skweek35

Will keep you in my prayers 
All crossed that things go according to plan this time round!!! 

C 

:dust:


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## futurephotos

Had a bit of spotting yesterday - day 35 - the same day my MC started the last time around. Please keep praying everyone that this baby will stay with us and that my body will hold on to it.


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## Lover

:hi: Welcome to BnB! I could've written your post pretty much word for word 18 months ago :hugs: I had a MC in Jan 2010, felt the same way as you about the innocence being taken away and then conceived again in Aug 2010 and had my baby boy in May. I REALLY enjoyed my pregnancy even though I spent the first half of it in a state of worry but once I started feeling movements every day I didn't stress so much. Good luck TTC :flower:


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## FragileDoll

Hun, I'm in the same boat. My husband and I have been together for 2 years, recently got married (3 months ago). And I have been hoping for a baby ever since then. The very first month (March) I was convinced I was pregnant, i.e 100% sure. I had many "symptoms" too, same that you mentioned above, like - super tired, achy feeling, flushed in my chest, tingly feeling in my hands, bloated, gassy, dizzy sometimes, slightly tender breasts, mild nausea. I tested before my period was actually late and it was negative. AND I ended up getting my period in a day or two. I was heartbroken and literally cried. All I used to do is searching for baby and pregnancy stuff all day long and making my DH bored bragging about my symptoms and so-feeling-pregnant issues to him. You are so right 'the mind is so powerful that it can fool your body'.

The second (April) and third (May) month no luck again, but having pregnancy symptoms or maybe they're everything running on my mind except for anything else. Every time I HPT, I got a BFN and got my periods the same day. I'm worried too and I've always feared not being able to have children though. I'm so obsessed with getting pregnant and having a baby, that I sometime feel I'm crazy. What I do all day long is Google question related to pregnancy and baby, watch videos and read articles. This is because I'm a house-wife, and when I'm alone and bored I start looking up for these stuff, I feel lament and desperate. 

I am waiting for BFP, this month. Will be testing on my birthday if I don't my periods on the 7th.


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## CuddleBunny

WELCOME to BnB and am sorry to hear about your previous loss :hugs: I had only known I was pregnant for 2 weeks before I started spotting with cramping that led to my natural MC back in '09. But I agree that a loss is a loss and for the little time I knew my baby he will be in my heart forever :)

CONGRATS on your new BFP and please plllease try not to stress no matter how hard it sounds not to!! Please remember that some light spotting in early pregnancy is completely normal. It could be nothing!!! :)

You will be in my prayers that this bean sticks :hugs: Now go pamper yourself and try to relax :)


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## FragileDoll

futurephotos said:


> A little update on things...
> 
> So on June 22nd I got a faint positive on a walgreens HPT. I tested again on the 27th and still BFP, line wasn't much darker though. Still no sign of AF - now I'm a week late. However, I still have a couple more days to go until I'm past the point that bleeding began the last time. I feel like a nervous wreck that things won't go right this time.
> 
> I think that next week I'll call the clinic on the 5th and see if I can get in for bloodwork. Part of me is curious to know what the HCG level is this time and how it compares to before, but the other part of me doesn't want to know in case the news doesn't seem good and only stresses me out more.
> 
> I'm praying every second that this little one stays in there!

Thinking of you and remembering you in my prayers.


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## Vickie

:hi: Welcome!


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## skweek35

Hey futurephoto, How are things going. Been thinking of you all day. 
Hope you are fine. 

:dust:


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## futurephotos

Hi again.
The Dr. is going to try progesterone for me when my normal cycle resumes again, So now it is just a matter of waiting out this next month until my period comes and we can try again.


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## FragileDoll

Hope everything goes well with you, hun. Heaps of baby dust to you. :hugs:


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## skweek35

glad to see that the doc it willing to try more - he must think that there is still loads of hope for you. 
Tons of :dust:!!!!


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## vicki2007

hi hun im in my first month trying to concieve after mc at 5 weeks and it is so hard! i know how u feel and can completely relate to the fact that i know i will not feel that same level of happiness next bfp just fear. i am currently either 1dpo or 7dpo (had two sets of positive opk's a week apart, very confusing!) but hoping for the best, if you want someone to obsess with then im here :)


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