# My due date tomorrow :(



## Becyboo__x

Can't believe tomorrow 28.04.13 is my due date for my 16 week angel :(

It has flown by I can't really get it into my head I won't have my baby .. I don't know how long it will take for me to be okay I did deal with it better then I thought but for awhile I started having dreams about it all and that I got rushed into hospital in pain and I told them I lost a baby so its not pregnant as iv had my periods etc and they told me I was full term and there must of been a twin hiding ... As you can imagine it would freak anyone out and i had this for several weeks and it would never go from my mind but I think its because all I ever think about is the baby and how long I would of had left and how big I would be and what the baby would of looked like :( 

I basically had a rough time from around 6 weeks I had Ms .. badly I had to go hospital and put on a drip I had a early scan which showed things were fine then I had a 10 week scan again fine .. then I went home with tablets .. didn't get much better but I tried to just get on with it .. I had DS screening and it came back high risk we had this due to OHs previous daughter being high risk and we just wanted to know really so we could prepare ourselves either way high or low .. so I got offered a cvs test which I went to but before that I went for my 12 week scan they saw something under the baby which was confirmed as a small haemorrhage that would go on its own ...I went to talk to someone about the cvs test and talk about my high risk etc .. but when I was leaving I feelt wet and something trickling.. so went to the toilet as you do... But I also had some pain so I started panicing a lot .. soon as I wiped and looked down there was bright red blood I burst out crying in the toilet .. when I put tissue there and went out I went to the reception outside where I was and told them and they have me pads and helped as much as they could they got the lady I was with before this and she rushed up to me .. I went back to the room I was in with her waiting for another scan .. to see what was happening as I was sat in the room all my jeans were covered in blood and I could just feel more and more coming without me controlling it .. I finally got sent to the ward for early pregnancies .. and had to stay there until the bleeding stopped and everything cameback clear .. i got to go home and it was said to be nothing again .. I ended up having around 7 scans from 6wks till 16wks .. and only on 2 I got told there is a problem .. I finally got told that there is still a haemorrhage and it keeps getting bigger it should be slowly getting smaller then completely going .. but I could see the big buldge on the screen and it didn't look great .. they didn't seem concerned though ... Back to my cvs test I had that and they also pointed out the haemorrhage and looked more concerned asking if I knew about it and had it checked out etc .. and I said I did and was told its ok .. showed my notes etc from all my scans but my test was clear baby was healthy and wouldn't have DS ... 2 weeks after I started bleeding again got rushed into hospital ... I feelt sick and had a lot of pain like labour pains .. I knew something wasn't right ... They did a scan and said theres no heartbeat so I needed to know there's nothing that can be done and I had to go have a operation as there was a big bruised area in my womb and the haemorrhage was still present but had got bigger and got to close to the baby so my plentena wasn't working as it should of been and the baby just couldn't survive all the organs weren't formed as they should of been for the stage and most other things too ..

All the time I feel to blame myself as I don't know why this happened and I don't know why it wasn't sorted if something could of been done as I must of had a problem from the start it just got bigger over the week's :cry: but I took the hospitals words as they are the professionals and had looked over several times and ran tests on me .. I just had low blood pressure and ketones in my wee 

But anyway ill leave it as that.

Always loved and will never be forgotten wish you could of been here to meet your big brother and sister they would of adored you <3


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## gnomette

I am so sorry for your loss x big days like due date are always gonna be hard x I think the run up the worry of the day actually coming is for me any way is worse than the day its self x be gentle on your self x


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. It has been 2 years since I lost my Ava.
I agree that the count down was more painful then the actual day.
I know this is just SO devastating and it feels like it will never end.
I wish today to be as gentle as possible on you..
XOXOXOXOOX Andrea


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## Becyboo__x

Thank you ladies going shopping with my mum and DS but I imagine it being rough everytime I see baby things I get tearful :(


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## pamba2

*Oh this was just so heartbreaking and I want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss! *I lost my second child at 9 weeks and it was a devastating time in my life and I have no idea why I lost the baby, they never gave me an answer as to why....but I wanted to tell you how incredibly sorry I am for your loss and give you a huge Hugs :hugs::hug::hugs::hug:


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## Becyboo__x

I lost my 2nd at 8 weeks and I didn't have an answer for it either :( 
Then this would of been my third .. think it hurts aswell it took so long to concieve again after 1st loss ans when it happened just all started again :( .. and again I think its going to take a while which I an patient but I'm terrifed when the time comes as I will just be thinking I won't get another baby full term :( which is silly but I guess after a loss/losses its just something you can't help but have in your mind 


So sorry for your loss pamba :hugs:


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## pamba2

Thank you Becyboo_x I did get pregnant again just 7 months later and had another beautiful baby girl, so my hope for you sweetie is you as well and I hope and pray when you do everything is healthy and good for you and your baby! Please keep me updated, K? And again I am so very sorry for your loss.....(((BIG HUGE HUGS))) :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## Becyboo__x

I know its possible its just a feeling that I can't shake off I think I conceived really quick with my son and that was perfect and he was born 6 days late all healthy and no problems .. then it took a year to concieve another which I lost then it took I think 5 months when we started trying again which isn't too bad ... Which lost this time .. now on 4th cycle trying again hopefully it won't take longer then a year but if it does it does.. I always wanted my son to have a little brother or sister not too far apart from him but now he will be 4+ .. which isn't a huge deal just wish I could of carried him a sibling close in age


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## pamba2

:hugs:*[/B I am so incredibly sorry, I can't even imagine losing two pregnancies, the one was so devastating! I totally understand you feeling the way you do, but I truly hope you get pregnant soon and your precious little boy will have has baby brother or sister! Your son will be a fantastic older brother, I know my kids are incredibly close and love each other very much! I am looking forward to hearing from you again, please have a good night and take care of yourself! (((HUGS)) *


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