# Denied proper access to my daughter by her mother



## anthonyD

Hello,first post, be nice ;) . Im a 24 year old man, i have a 17 month old daughter with my ex partner. My daughters mother only allows me to see my child on her terms, when she can fit me in for an hour or 2 at her house. I am not allowed to take my daughter out, nor can stay at my house for any period of time. She says she doesnt trust me with her until she is older. My ex still seems to be very bitter about our break up which was before my daughter was born. Anyway,cut a long story short, I am a hard working man with no criminal record, I dont touch drugs, I rarely drink. I am not violent, there is no good reason for what she is doing. Anyway, I decided to go to a solicitor. After the first 4 or 5 letters which she has refused to co-operate with, she has told me to go to court because she wont back down. Im going to meet with my solicitor and tell her I regrettably have to take it to court. My ex refuses to put my name on the birth certificate. I am sick of going to her house for an hour or so a week,playing with my little girl then leaving her. I want proper father daughter time at my house. Or take her to meet the rest of her family. Are any men in my boat? Have you won proper access? Please tell me there are. Thanks


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## purpledahlia

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## littlekitten8

As purpledahlia said you sound like a genuine guy. Unfortunately any breakup involving a child will be nasty at some point. However it sounds like she is being a bit harsh. Have you considered mediation? Good luck with it.


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## anthonyD

thanks for the replies. I have considered mediation but she really is so stubborn, I know she would not attend. She is very confident that I would lose at court, that I would not get any unsupervised access. This cant be right can it?. I really need some reassurance.


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## purpledahlia

..


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## sophiew

I know that court is a lengthy process :( I hate it when women do this for no reason. I really hope you can sort it out between the two of you, or through mediation. BEcause court is very very slow :( xx


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## lou_w34

Courts like it if one of the parties involved has tried to suggest mediation, as it is alot better than court. I would suggest it anyway to her, even if she refuses, it makes you seem more reasonable in a courts eyes.

Anyways, as long as you no you have done nothing wrong, then you will deffinatley get access to your daughter, it may be supervised at first, but if you hold on for long enough it will be built up to unsepervised :) But court can be a very slow process, mediation would really be best if you want it to happen quicker

Good luck!

x


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## laura1991

My brothers ex girlfriend did this, she refused to take part in mediation and ended up going to. Court, she kept dragging it out appealing at everything and a couple of times failed to turn up to the court case, so it all back fired on her! If you can prove that your a good father paying maintance etc, then you should be fine!


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## BeautifulD

Awww hun I really feel for you! In my opinion i cannot stand women that do this, there is one thing that i always made sure of and that is that my girls see their dad on a very regular basis. By the sounds of it hun I think you will be fine. Just keep doing what you are doing and be sure not to give her any amunition.... good luck!


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## chels24uk

aw i wish my ex was more like you! Really annoys me when women stop access for no good reason. Its punishing their child for nothing! Id love nothing more than to cut my ex out 100% after how hes been with us since he left, but i dont because he is still my kids dad and i dont want my children hurt because of me.
Keep going how you are, you'll get there in the end :)


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## dippy dee

such a shame that shes resorted to that

you may find this site helpful, good luck

https://www.dad.info/separation/law-and-rights/fathers-and-children-the-law


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## Chocciebutton

I get annoyed when I hear of fathers like you that want to see their children but have difficult ex partners! I have a 15 year old son from a previous marriage and my ex was having an affair and his partner gave him the ultimatum that it was 'her....or his son' he chose her, so my son has never seen his father since he was 1 years old :cry:
I know this is different circumstances in that I cant get my ex husband to make contact (I am still in contact with my ex in laws they came to my second wedding!) 
I cannot understand fathers that do not want to see there children and when I hear fathers like you wanting to see their children it breaks my heart. I would never stop access unless there was a real risk of danger or such like. I feel the best route is via the solicitors which is what you are doing. Hope you get the answer you are looking for. She cannot stop you seeing her and the court will probably grant you some sort of access I would have thought, certainly no less than you are seeing her now so I wouldnt worry too much.


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## anthonyD

Thanks everyone. Its just a waiting game isnt it. Ill let you know if there are any happy updates!


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## hopeandpray

I hope that we'll hear good news from you. She is probably calling your bluff and hoping that you will back down because unless there is something important that you haven't mentioned it sounds like there is no reason that you could not see your child regularly


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## Mumof42009

Make sure you keep all proof as well that you've tried to have more contact, texts copy's of your phone bill etc and do try suggest mediation. Good luck


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## KiansMummy

Me and my babies dad, have just been through mediation, and have come to an agreement.IF she will attend maybe worth a tryX?


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## km123

there are a few things you can do to look good in court. one, start a savings account for your baby so they know yo understand that children need to be financially set as well. make it so there is income every week or even every month, even if it is only $20 dollars a week/month. also, suggest mediation. dont give your ex cash unless necessary, pay for things on a card and KEEP receipts. Also, try to e-mail her sometimes about mediation etc. so you can print it out and have proof if necessary.


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## kelzyboo

Keep a recored of all conversations you have where she is unreasonable, i agree with maybe starting a trust fund or something just to show them that you can and will provide for her.

My 5 year old doesn't see her dad and hasn't since she was 5months old, the arrangements we made were not working (ie; he wasn't sticking to them) so i ended his contact on legal advice, a letter was sent requesting he seek advice of his own to make official access arangements and he never bothered! Now there is no chance he will ever be allowed to see her as she is Autistic and it would be detrimental to her wellbeing....he's missed out on such a wonderful child because he couldn't be bothered and didn't care enough to see her on a regular basis!

What i'm trying to say is that although i ended contact with him as i guess your ex is trying to do, i had reasons (drugs and prison amongst them) and i really feel for people like you who would do anything to see their children, i will always believe that a good father should be involved with his children no matter what the mother's feeling toward him may be, the children should always come first.

There is a part of me still that wishes he had wanted to see her, i wouldn't have ever stood in the way of that but we don't all get that.

Your daughter is lucky to have you, hopefully it will all work out for you but don't ever stop fighting for her, she is well worth the fight and if you are a good father which you seem to be, in the end you will get proper access no matter what your ex thinks.

Good luck x


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## carolyn_s

firstly, Do you pay for her? that would be a good start.

secondly, do as she wishes. If she tells you to dress up as Mr blobby, jump through burning hoops and learn chinese....DO IT! Dont start pointless arguments and if she offers any sort of contact (supervised or otherwise) TAKE IT,beggers cant be chooser. Build up contact with your daughter and help the mother - after all the ball is in her court and being a single mother she could probably use the help and support!!!

If there is no other option and she actually REFUSES you contact then by all means go through court....but be VERY sure of yourself.


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## purpledahlia

Id imagine he does pay for her as 17months is quite old thats a lot of time not contributing and he sounded genuine? if you dont pay it will go against you in court. whens your daughters birthday? as when she turns 2 things might be different as shes older. Also im unsure that opening a savings acc will do much n your favour tbh, courts like to see an activve contribution to the childs upbringing NOW. Do you contribute in other ways? Take nappies, milk clothes etc over when you go? 
There must be a reason she doesnt let you have the toddler on your own unsupervised..... What would she say in court is her reasons then maybe we can get a clearer picture


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## purpledahlia

Sorry, OP, you say she lets you see your daughter in her home, So unfortunately it wont go to court then, Shes not denying you access in that case. Its just not what you want but its still access! court wont get involved till she says NO you cannot see her at all.


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## anthonyD

its unsupervised access that I want. I see my daughter for maybe 1 or 2 hours at her mothers house at a weekend. But she regularly cancels my visits saying she is busy. She is preventing me building a solid,regular relationship with my daughter. She is 2 in october. I pay £100 a month into her mothers account as I have done since she was 2 months old (I was refused total access for the first 2 months, I didnt even know when she had gone into labour) During our childs early life, me and my ex have tried to make it work a couple of times, I even went on holiday last year with my ex and daughter. It never works. She still drags up the past, I cheated on her 6 months after we had met. I deeply regret it,have apologised a million times,and as I say,weve been back together since then. The last straw came last october when I was only allowed to see my daughter for an hour on her first birthday. They then flew off to turkey for a fortnight. While over there i got texts saying she had met a fella over there, she was moving to turkey. As much as I knew this was not true,its the constant threats. Xmas just gone, I turned up at 8am with presents, she wouldnt let me in. Shouting out her window your nothing,your just a sperm donor. I get your a sh*t dad, your just a mither, your not fit to be a dad, f*ckoff back where your from (i moved away from my family and friends to rent a house near my daughter) I have recently set up a savings account, for my daughters future. Im going to put in what I can afford each month and watch it grow.


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## Kate&Lucas

Obviously there are two sides to every story, but from this I can't see why you wouldn't be allowed unsupervised access. My baby's father gets it and he actually can't be trusted (which, unfortunately, I don't have proof of).
According to my solicitor, you can make an application to court if there is a dispute, which there is. It seems like she is being very childish. Yes, you do need to build up trust with her, however there needs to be some compromise on her part too.
Hope you get it sorted.


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## pinklightbulb

Sorry, I am not a single mummy like the rest of you lovely ladies but had to pop in and wish the OP luck-- my OH was in this situation and got absolutely nothing despite wanting to. His son is autistic and MOB used this against him to the courts saying it wouldn't be in their son's best interests for OH to have access as he didn't know OH well enough and it would traumatize their son. If she had let OH see him to start with more than once every couple of months they would have had a relationship to build on, which really pisses me off, it's her fault they didn't have a steady relationship as father and son to start with. He went to court to ask for set days and was denied... go figure. 

Anyway, OP, best of luck. I know courts usually side with the mother but you and my OH and a lot of guys out there get bad names because of the tossers who don't give a flying f*** about their babies and won't pay a cent for them. :( It makes me sad to see how screwed up the system here in Australia is because of these lazy good for nothings who call themselves fathers. As a result of their shit behaviour, good fathers who want to be involved and pay child support and would do anything for fair access get it stuck up them because of those other wankers not taking any responsibility :nope: 

Sorry again this story touched such a raw nerve after what I watched my OH go through with his MOB. I will respectfully back out again now and :hugs: to you all in here going it alone, I don't know how you do it, you are all such strong individuals and wonderful mummies :flower:


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## anthonyD

Quick update: Not seen my daughter for 2 weeks now. I was off all weekend just gone so I was ringing/texting to see if I could see her. She ignored me until I got a text back yesterday saying 'stop ringing me, i dont want you in my house ever again, so my solicitor is writing to you about how you can see her without me being there,so you can see her when thats sorted'. I just said alright,ill wait for the letter. So im guessing that she means a contact centre,which is a step in the right direction I guess. Hope this letter hurrys up,miss my little girl so much!


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## chels24uk

maybe you should also go to a solicitor just incase there isnt really a letter on the way? Some mothers will say anything to get FOB out their lifes. Makes me so angry for fathers like yourself :( Good luck xx


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## anthonyD

yeah I have a solicitor Chels,just waiting for this letter now


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## carolyn_s

and if she suggests supervised contact in a contact centre will you accept? What if there is no letter... what does your solicitor say about it all? x


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## anthonyD

im just going to see if this letter arrives this week. If its what im thinking, a supported contact centre, i will accept it. Atleast I can have some time with my daughter then a few months after attendihg that,it can only lool good for me,cant it?


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## purpledahlia

Yeh if u attend every week and arent late etc it will look good!


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## anthonyD

im just going to see if this letter arrives this week. If its what im thinking, a supported contact centre, i will accept it. Atleast I can have some time with my daughter then a few months after attendihg that,it can only lool good for me,cant it?


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## karmah

Yes, show up for all scheduled meetings and everything. In Canada we have guidelines to child support (geared to income), I strongly suggest you pay according to guidelines if there are any set. It would demonstrate to the judge you are quite serious about being involved in your child's life. Be consistent, on time and respectful. 

I wish my children's father's were like you. Dedicated and want to be involved on a regular basis, not on a whim. Good luck and all the best.


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## pinkflamingo

Certainly accept any access that is offered to you as things like this will only help your case if you seek legal help.
We have a situation with the mother of my step-son (who is 13!) and she is just constantly unreasonable. She is just bitter towards my husband and I being together (even though it is 5 years later now, so get over it!), but doesn't stop to think about what damage is being done to her son when she is just wanting to be awkward to us. She tells her son that his dad doesn't love him and that he is an awful father etc etc. 

Personally I despise women like this and think that they are not fit to be mothers. A child has a right to a relationship with both parents (unless there is a genuine reason not to e.g. violence etc) and it is wrong for any parent to try and blemish that relationship through their own bitterness and insecurities. My stepson told us that his mum was in tears stressing about his wedding the other day. She told him that she is so worried about having to spend the day with his dad and I, and it is really getting her down. He is 13 years old! I don't think we will need to worry about him getting married ever, I'm sure she has done enough to scare him off it for life!

Good on you for not giving up. Good luck. x


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## purpledahlia

pinkflamingo said:


> Certainly accept any access that is offered to you as things like this will only help your case if you seek legal help.
> We have a situation with the mother of my step-son (who is 13!) and she is just constantly unreasonable. She is just bitter towards my husband and I being together (even though it is 5 years later now, so get over it!), but doesn't stop to think about what damage is being done to her son when she is just wanting to be awkward to us. _*She tells her son that his dad doesn't love him and that he is an awful father etc etc. *_
> 
> Personally I despise women like this and think that they are not fit to be mothers. A child has a right to a relationship with both parents (unless there is a genuine reason not to e.g. violence etc) and it is wrong for any parent to try and blemish that relationship through their own bitterness and insecurities. My stepson told us that his mum was in tears stressing about his wedding the other day. She told him that she is so worried about having to spend the day with his dad and I, and it is really getting her down. He is 13 years old! I don't think we will need to worry about him getting married ever, I'm sure she has done enough to scare him off it for life!
> 
> Good on you for not giving up. Good luck. x

What i bolded is truly awful, I do NOT agree with bad mouthing any parent to their kids, whatever the circumstances, thats not something any child (even a grown up one) ever should have to listen too :nope:


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## pinkflamingo

She is a very nasty piece of work I am afraid. There are a million and one other awful things that she has said to him, but she thinks it is all ok as she 'is just being honest with him'! She lives on another planet i am afraid. These sorts of women just do not care about what damage is done to the children, it's just all about their selfish desire to seek revenge on the father.


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## CLH_X3

When you get the letter saying to have visits at the contact centre take it.

My OH was in your exact position a couple years ago, He could of wrote your exact post. Split up with his ex before the child was born, refused access outside her house, on her terms. Constant abuse as she found out he has gotten with myself and very bitter about it as we met a very soon after they split up. The lot.

Short version is he when the baby was 6 months old he had enough an went to his solicitor, letters backwards and fowards for a while, he had to continue to go to her house to see the lil girl as his solicitor said this would look good, she refused to let him have her by himself, even for an hour in the park next to her house!
Court said they HAD to try medication before taking the next step and going to court, My OH went, she didnt show. 

Went to court once. she used every trick under the book, his daughter doesnt know him enough, I dont want HER (me) there, court said they had to make progress so supervised visits by the mother was made at my OH mother house every week for 6 hours, done that for 5 weeks but on the 5th week my OH Mum accidently said my name when she was meant to say her grandughter name (Pure accident, shes a right mixer with names)! 

The mum went mental, took the lil girl started shouting, saying she was going to lie in court some more and then she went to hit my OH, as she went to hit him he just grabbed her wrists and pushed her away so she couldnt touch him. (She did not have the baby in her hands at this point as she was put saftly in the car)

When they had to go back to court the week after she tried saying he had physcally assulting her, my OH took along a witness who said she was lieing and what actually happened.

My OH was then granted unsupervised visits as the mother couldnt say anything bad as she already looked bad for lieing about assult, 

he got his daughter for 6 hours on a sunday and then the following week pick up 6pm, drop back 12.30pm the next day.

The main reason all along though for her not wanting my OH to have his daughter is beacuse I was going to be there. She doesnt want her daughter around me, She hates my guts and still does to this day. 

But at the end of the day the court didnt take that into consideration as im not a threat to the child, he got granted the time he wanted.

Once granted contact though, his ex did use the 'Shes ill' ALOT, at least ever other week until he told her if it continued he will take her back to court. she stopped then and now its just once a month :( 

Me and My OH are having a baby now, and we havent told her, dreading her responce as she will just flip, were not going to tell her at all though til i give birth, I dont want the stress of her constant texting abuse!

Good luck!


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## anthonyD

Its so hard, and things are taking so long. I havenet seen my child for a month now. Its gutting because the last time I saw her she was just starting to walk, so ive missed her first real steps. Whenever I text to ask how she is I get a reply hours later simply saying 'shes fine!'. She wont elaborate. She told me im not seeing her until the contact centre is sorted. The centre told me the waiting list is minnimum 2 months! So I text my ex basically begging to see my girl, she agreed I could in 2 weeks at the weekend 'because she cares'. She knocks me sick how she can do this and get away with it.


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## billy2mm

anthonyD said:


> Its so hard, and things are taking so long. I havenet seen my child for a month now. Its gutting because the last time I saw her she was just starting to walk, so ive missed her first real steps. Whenever I text to ask how she is I get a reply hours later simply saying 'shes fine!'. She wont elaborate. She told me im not seeing her until the contact centre is sorted. The centre told me the waiting list is minnimum 2 months! So I text my ex basically begging to see my girl, she agreed I could in 2 weeks at the weekend 'because she cares'. She knocks me sick how she can do this and get away with it.

:hugs:

its so not fair. i would try and chase it up from your end as much as possible thats the most you can do i think.


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## CLH_X3

Some ex are just plain horrible and bitter, I hope you see your lil girl real soon


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## LadyRoy

Definitely go and see your daughter at the contact center. It is not very nice having to go especially when you have done nothing wrong but the contact centre will work in your favour and tell the court/cafcass how well you are getting on with her.

I would say at the court that you want a 3 month limit at the contact centre then supervised access with someone else like your parents for example, again put a time limit on it and make sure you say that you are not admitting any fault but you will do anything to have a good relationship with your daughter.

My OH has been going through this with his ex to see both of his girls and although it is very stressful for the adults the girls are just grateful to have their daddy in their lives.

He has nightly telephone contact to say goodnight and fortnightly contact, unsupervised, at the moment as we live 200 miles away from them. 

Keep your chin up and well done you for wanting to stay in your daughter's life even though it is so tough - so many men don't 

:hugs:


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## anthonyD

Hello Ladies :flower:

Thought i'd come back with an update, its been a while.
We are going to court.

Well I have heard nothing whatsoever back from the Contact Centre, seems pointless that place now anyway. As me and my ex came to somesort of an agreement where my daughter could spend some time with me for a few hours at the weekend (sat or sun, not both)
Things were going ok, until about 3 weeks ago. It was a lovely day outside, my garden isnt really safe for a toddler so I decided to take my little girl for a run about on the local park. My ex kicked off royal about this afterwards saying I did not ask her permission blah blah. getting grief for taking my daughter to the park! have you ever heard such nonsense? She apologised 2 days later for how she reacted.

Last week when she dropped my daughter off, she flew off the handle because she said 'I was being funny with her' I wasnt attall, I was simply too busy with my daughter to shout 'goodbye'. Anyway, I was threatened with the police if I didnt hand my daughter back to her, I replied 'phone the police, im her dad' "yeah but you have no parental rights and will over my dead body" She said, alomst gloatingly. Anyway, she sent her mum round 20 minutes later to take my daughter, Ive now not sen her properly for over a fortnight.

That was the last straw for me. I went back to my solicitor, told her the situation is now at breaking point. I want to go to court. mediation will not work. I am applying for PR and a contact order. I'd like to know peoples opinions on this please. My chances etc?

Thanks again!


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## pinkflamingo

Hi,
I am really sorry that you are going through this. 

I just wanted to comment on applying for PR and the experience which my DH had when he did the same. His ex wouldn't even sign the PR documents when they were together which says it all really! When they split there was no chance of her doing it without legal intervention. She told the courts that she didn't think he should have it, and they asked her to write down the reasons for them to read. She wrote pages and pages which just basically slagged him off, and reasons such as that he didn't have a picture of his son as his mobile phone wallpaper, and any parent that cared enough for their child would have!!
We were asked to write in support of why he should and were able to comment on things such as regular contact, payments, him having a bedroom at ours etc etc. They laughed her out of court and judgement went in favour of hubby straight away. It was just a control thing on her part and that is the only reason she refused. The courts don't care about bitterness and being awkward, they only care about what is best for the child.

You just need to prove that you have done and continue to do all that you can to see your daughter and be a part of her life. You have been denied access and so this shouldn't go against you when you can say that any opportunity that you have been given to see her, you have taken. Keep a note of all the things similar to what you have written above (you took daughter to park to avoid her playing in an unsafe garden) as this demonstrates that you are putting her needs first.

i don't think the courts will go against any father unless there is a reason such as violence or an unsafe environment for the child.

Good luck x


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## anthonyD

Thanks for the reply, im pretty confident, I just dont want it dragging on for ages. Im missing her like mad now and my ex doesnt even know about court yet so imagine her response when she gets the letter!

The way I look at it is, im a stable law-abiding Father, full time job, no history of drugs/drink etc. I have 2 spare bedrooms, one of which I will turn into my daughters room as soon as im confident of gettin night stays. I moved away from my family and friends to be near my daughter. I pay for her every month straight into my ex's account. 

Me and my daughter have a solid bond, she knows exactly who I am, she doesnt cry for her mother when shes with me, shes very happy with me. I just dont see any reason why I could be denied a good amount of time and PR for my daughter.

Well the only reason is my ex, she will say no to everything I know, she even came up with a lie that I have a drink problem! ha
Im at the stage now where I dont care what it costs, im doing this all at the end of the day for my little girls benefit.


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## jessrabbit

best of luck, I really hope you get it sorted, I wish my FOB cared like you do x


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## anthonyD

Thanks


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## MummyJade

Good luck.... you sound like a great dad xx


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## Seraphim

I really hope you reach a solution soon.

You're doing well, keep going x


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## shorman

carolyn_s said:


> firstly, Do you pay for her? that would be a good start.
> 
> secondly, do as she wishes. If she tells you to dress up as Mr blobby, jump through burning hoops and learn chinese....DO IT! Dont start pointless arguments and if she offers any sort of contact (supervised or otherwise) TAKE IT,beggers cant be chooser. Build up contact with your daughter and help the mother - after all the ball is in her court and being a single mother she could probably use the help and support!!!
> 
> If there is no other option and she actually REFUSES you contact then by all means go through court....but be VERY sure of yourself.

:growlmad: yes because that is fair isn't it it's his child as well they are both equal into making a child why should he have to go through hell to see his own daughter? What just because she is a woman she has the right to do this? Also I don't see why your asking if he pays for his daughter just because he is a man doesn't mean all men don't pay for there children .
The law is really stupid when it comes to equal parenting and is very much in favour of the mother which is really silly as some dads are better parents in general to the mothers. and my mum is a magerstrate and and see's mothers who think the can just do whatever they like and the poor dads can go to hell basically is a really silly system, take the woman to court and get a good solicitor by law she has to let you see your daughter and she is not aloud to make you seeying your daughter so limited, and if you go to court they will sort this out and if she still refuses then there is a hefty fine. Sorry for ranting you sound like a great dad and you don't deserve what your ex is doing to you :hugs:


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## anthonyD

Thanks for that Shorman. Its just a waiting game now, each evening I get in from work im praying for a court date letter, nothing yet! Im going to get Halifax to send me all of my bank statements as proof that im paying money towards my daughter. I am also saving each text sent and received between me and my ex as proof that I am asking to see my daughter every week and shes ignoring me or turning me down. Other than that, i have no reason to feel nervous, im not the bad guy, even though im being made to feel like it! Pleeeaaassee mr postman hurry up!


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## anthonyD

I have received a response from my ex's solicitor after we informed her of my intentions to go to court.

Basically says : If your client is intent on issuing court proceedings, please serve our client personally. However, having discussed the matter with our client she is willing to reconsider her position to the issues regarding contact and as such would hope that your client would reconsider his position.
Our client would suggest that both of our clients discuss the matter between themselves and come to a mutually agreeable arrangement"

This is total rubbish! My ex knew about the Court since 22nd July bus has refused all contact aswell as my texts/calls since!

My solicitor wrote back basically:
We confirm that the reason our client wishes to issue court proceedings is because despite your clients assurance that she will reconsider her position she is refusing to answer our clients calls or discuss contact matters.
if your client is prepared to pur forward proposals for contact then we will speak with our client further regarding the court proceedings. However our client is understandably anxious that your client may state that she is in agreement with some contact taking place and then will not allow the contact to happen as has been her stance so far"

Looks like she is just trying to fob me off with this letter hoping I dont take it to court. My ex will say one thing then do another. Also it doesnt mention the PR I am requesting.
Looks like its still going to court


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## MummyJade

God she sounds like my ex... he hasnt bothered in over 3 months, ignores me/my solicitor letters... then lies to his solicitor! 

i hope you get it sorted soon.. you sound like an amazing dad who wants to be part of his daughters life.... 
you will get there in the end x


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## sie35

same hear pal but i have 4 sons one disabled i was in the same possition her house her rules if you do what she says when she says its the hardest thing in the world belive me i buryed my daughter when she was just a baby what your ex social services and the courts can do to you is worse its mercyless horrific but there worth fighting for my case is still going on 2 years later a year of that i couldent see my boys at all apart from contact centeres once every 4 months! but now they stay with me 3 days a week and i should be getting shared resadency in september its better if the mum puts the child first but a lot wont just remember when your daughter grows up its the mother who has the akward questions resentment and ruind relationship you will be a hero in her eyes for going through it good luck and never give up


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## sie35

anthonyD said:


> Hello Ladies :flower:
> 
> Thought i'd come back with an update, its been a while.
> We are going to court.
> 
> Well I have heard nothing whatsoever back from the Contact Centre, seems pointless that place now anyway. As me and my ex came to somesort of an agreement where my daughter could spend some time with me for a few hours at the weekend (sat or sun, not both)
> Things were going ok, until about 3 weeks ago. It was a lovely day outside, my garden isnt really safe for a toddler so I decided to take my little girl for a run about on the local park. My ex kicked off royal about this afterwards saying I did not ask her permission blah blah. getting grief for taking my daughter to the park! have you ever heard such nonsense? She apologised 2 days later for how she reacted.
> 
> Last week when she dropped my daughter off, she flew off the handle because she said 'I was being funny with her' I wasnt attall, I was simply too busy with my daughter to shout 'goodbye'. Anyway, I was threatened with the police if I didnt hand my daughter back to her, I replied 'phone the police, im her dad' "yeah but you have no parental rights and will over my dead body" She said, alomst gloatingly. Anyway, she sent her mum round 20 minutes later to take my daughter, Ive now not sen her properly for over a fortnight.
> 
> That was the last straw for me. I went back to my solicitor, told her the situation is now at breaking point. I want to go to court. mediation will not work. I am applying for PR and a contact order. I'd like to know peoples opinions on this please. My chances etc?
> 
> Thanks again!

i wouldent bother with a contact order there worthless and theres no conciqences if she ignores it you need a overnight resadency order its a lot easyer to get than resadency or shared resadency even if she useses the usual tricks and false aligations 6 months tops


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## sie35

anthonyD said:


> Thanks for the reply, im pretty confident, I just dont want it dragging on for ages. Im missing her like mad now and my ex doesnt even know about court yet so imagine her response when she gets the letter!
> 
> The way I look at it is, im a stable law-abiding Father, full time job, no history of drugs/drink etc. I have 2 spare bedrooms, one of which I will turn into my daughters room as soon as im confident of gettin night stays. I moved away from my family and friends to be near my daughter. I pay for her every month straight into my ex's account.
> 
> Me and my daughter have a solid bond, she knows exactly who I am, she doesnt cry for her mother when shes with me, shes very happy with me. I just dont see any reason why I could be denied a good amount of time and PR for my daughter.
> 
> Well the only reason is my ex, she will say no to everything I know, she even came up with a lie that I have a drink problem! ha
> Im at the stage now where I dont care what it costs, im doing this all at the end of the day for my little girls benefit.

first directional meeting ask for a hair strand test to be done on yourself or they will take it very seriously and stop you seeing her outside of a contact centre without any evidence to support her claims they have to if you can afford it do one yourself before the court day youll get the overnight resadency and pr same day if thats the only aligation


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## sie35

anthonyD said:


> thanks for the replies. I have considered mediation but she really is so stubborn, I know she would not attend. She is very confident that I would lose at court, that I would not get any unsupervised access. This cant be right can it?. I really need some reassurance.

supervised acsess is only wile acusations are being made wile court procidings are ongoing its only ever used as a final resolution for people with seriouse drug or alcahol problems you will get a overnight resadency order very easyaly in court terms just make shure if you dont get it on the first hearing ask for a contested hearing streight away or she can drag it out for years if she lies at a contested hearing she can end up in jail


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## anthonyD

Hi guys, Finally received a court date today of 13th October. It was a letter from CAFCASS. In the letter it says they will be ringing me in the next couple of weeks for a discussion re my childs welfare etc. Anybody here know what kind of questions they will be asking me? Just id prefer to prepare as I wouldnt like to come across as nervous on the phone and say something wrong


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## kirst1805

no idea I'm afraid.. didn't want to read and run. Good luck though. I'm sure it'll be fine.

xx


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## Ju_bubbs

cases like this are so sad! There are so many single mums, like me.. who would do anything to have LO's dad care, and be around for their children!!

In my experience, no court will refuse a mother or father PR and reasonable amount of access without VERY good reason! unfortunately if she breaks the terms of access tho, the only thing you can do is go back to court all over again!

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you in the end.


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## Ju_bubbs

anthonyD said:


> Hi guys, Finally received a court date today of 13th October. It was a letter from CAFCASS. In the letter it says they will be ringing me in the next couple of weeks for a discussion re my childs welfare etc. Anybody here know what kind of questions they will be asking me? Just id prefer to prepare as I wouldnt like to come across as nervous on the phone and say something wrong

When my and my ex were in court a few years back (he was going for full residency) CAFCASS had to do a home visit with both of us with the children and basically just watch how the children reacted to each of our care.. they are trained to spot things that are 'odd' abuse, fear and things like that, then they write up a report to give to the court. They kind of act as a solicitor on behalf of the children! While they were at my house, we just had a cup of tea and a chat in general!


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## Kayles1/8/08

i amnt a man in ur situation but i have been the bitter mother and regretted my decision greatly to keep her father away..they now have a father daughter relationship which i am very glad of but this woman will feel the doubts and guilt very soon..it took me 18 months as that is when the hard part begins..she will need the help ! and if its there she should take it as its very tough being a single parent..its ashame it has taken for u to take her to court as she doesnt stand a chance as if u are the genuine guy u make out to be she does not have a leg to stand on as courts will favour yourself as all children should have both parents unless under certain circumstances its best the child does not know there father for safety reasons etc. u will get there in the end and she will be greatful one day just hang on in there and it will all be worth it in the end! god she should really be greatful as there is so many guys out there who would jump at the chance of a free pass from parenting!
x


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## angelpkj

i hate women like this cause itgives other single mums a bad name


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## LadyRoy

Check out a site called wikivorce they have a forum for contact and child hearings and some good people on there


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## gorgeousmumof

anthony.. cafcass meetings are a chat about you and your child. to ensure there are no issues. they will ask what contact your hoping for, will make sure you can provide for them, have suitable accommodation etc.
they then recommend access to the courts. just be honest with them. good luck.


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## cluelessnow

Anthony, good luck with the court hearing. 

I'm 23 weeks and though FOB doesn't want a relationship with me, and my first instincts was to shut him out of our lives but after mourning for the relationship (still am), I feel sad that my bubs would not have a father. FOB lives in Canada (moved there in June, a week after we found out I was pregnant) and I'm in UK so not sure how it would work but we are still talking and coming up with a solution because I want bubs to have a father around him no matter what. It's more important to me than my feelings of rejection and fears of how I'd feel when FOB finds a new GF etc etc. I could easily become bitter and prevent access (though I don't even have to do much when he's in another country) mostly because it just painful to know FOB is having fun or building a life with someone else and not me. But I had a hand in bring bubs into this world and he doesn't deserve not knowing his father who is a good man and would love him to bits.


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## loopylou86

I will be watching this thread closely.

My friend has just split with his gf and they have an 11 month old and one on the way. She has refused all access to his son although is constantly demanding money from him.

My advice to him is not to reply to the nasty messages she sends and to either agree a certain amount to be given to her monthly or put it aside in a separate account until you can agree. I have also said, give her time as she is clearly angry and upset at present.

I think I may also suggest the letter and mediation to him. I said he needs to sit down and talk to her and even suggested both sets of parents being there. However she arranges a day and then changes it 5 mins later and is clearly playing games, being very malicious and hurting him to much. 

Her ultimatum is go back to her and see his kid or dont be with her and lose his kids. However, how can you try to play happy families for the sake of children? Thats not fair on them and I promised him, no matter how long it takes, he will see them.


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## Laura2919

My friend had a meeting with Cafcass as her daughter was threatened by her dad saying that if she called her stepdad dad he would kill her :wacko: to his own daughter, its fathers like that that dont deserve contact. You sound geniunely upset and wanting to see your daughter, the courts will grant access for you but that doesnt mean your ex will stick to it. 
FOB has the twins every other weekend and on his day off but is doing overtime at the moment so he comes round of an evening, we have only been seperated 2 weeks but I wouldnt stop my girls seeing their dad.


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## loopylou86

Could I get advice re: finances? My friend has been denied access by his baby's mother and is now looking into other avenues.

I have recommended he request mediation to discuss things but I know she will decline as she has done three times already. I have then said to put it in writing that you wish to go through mediation and if she refuses to respond then he is building a stronger case for himself.

The only other issue is money. She is demanding it off of him all the time and I said I think its best they agree a set amount on a monthly basis and if she needs speicific then he can assist but buy them himself and keep the receipt as proof.

What is the best way to deal with the money situation if they cant agree an amount? Should he set it aside until an agreement is made and will therefore have proof that he has been trying to help look after his son? She wants his money but doesnt want him to be apart of the kids life :cry:


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## lynne192

anthonyD said:


> Hello Ladies :flower:
> 
> Thought i'd come back with an update, its been a while.
> We are going to court.
> 
> Well I have heard nothing whatsoever back from the Contact Centre, seems pointless that place now anyway. As me and my ex came to somesort of an agreement where my daughter could spend some time with me for a few hours at the weekend (sat or sun, not both)
> Things were going ok, until about 3 weeks ago. It was a lovely day outside, my garden isnt really safe for a toddler so I decided to take my little girl for a run about on the local park. My ex kicked off royal about this afterwards saying I did not ask her permission blah blah. getting grief for taking my daughter to the park! have you ever heard such nonsense? She apologised 2 days later for how she reacted.
> 
> Last week when she dropped my daughter off, she flew off the handle because she said 'I was being funny with her' I wasnt attall, I was simply too busy with my daughter to shout 'goodbye'. Anyway, I was threatened with the police if I didnt hand my daughter back to her, I replied 'phone the police, im her dad' "yeah but you have no parental rights and will over my dead body" She said, alomst gloatingly. Anyway, she sent her mum round 20 minutes later to take my daughter, Ive now not sen her properly for over a fortnight.
> 
> That was the last straw for me. I went back to my solicitor, told her the situation is now at breaking point. I want to go to court. mediation will not work. I am applying for PR and a contact order. I'd like to know peoples opinions on this please. My chances etc?
> 
> Thanks again!


any updates hun how horrible for you. i hope things get sorted why people use thier children as weapons i will never know :(


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## JayByrdCMA

I know exactly how you feel brother, I wish I could say it will get better, unfortunatly it won't, I have a great job and can support my daughter myself, the mother of my child has denied me ALL access all together and has even gone as far as making false police reports against me, she lives with her parents and they pay for everything, I'm 32, she is 28, she is very cold and bitter about it all, don't give up, your daughter needs you to keep fighting for her cause she can't do it for herself, at least shes young enough she wont remember it later, thats what keeps me going, eventually the judge will get tired of it and the law will be on our side, hang in there, I know its hard but we must stay strong, your brother in Christ...Byrd, I hope I helped, trust in God, you ever need a friend I'd be glad to trade emails


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