# Anyone else worried about parent's reaction if/when you get pregnant?



## Jess137

I am worried about my parents reaction. We are TTC starting June 1. Every time I so much as mention a baby or anything that has to do with babies, my family says things like "slow down", "not so fast", and "you have plenty of time". Yesterday my brother told me I should wait 5 more years! That's crazy! I know that it is not up to them but I have always been so afraid of disappointing my family. DH's family on the other hand cannot wait for us to have kids. Basically everyone I know except for my immediate family keeps asking when we are going to have a baby and telling us that we need one. Has anyone else dealt with this, or had a baby and had bad reactions from their family? I am hoping that if I don't tell them we are TTC, once I am pg they will get over it and just be happy.


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## hairdresser29

This sound like mine! My OH's mum wants us to hurry up (but on the other hand doesnt want to be a nan so young), my dad wants a grandson as other 2 are both girls and my brother and sister wont be having anymore, mum doesnt really say much but will talk about baby stuff with me. On th other hand.. i am dreading telling my brother and sister and nan! They will murder me! haha


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## Shabutie

Hi Jess, i'm Jess too! 

I was worried about disappointing my family, as I had already left uni, due to a miscarrage, so I was already there in a way. When we told my family, they were a bit unsure to begin with, as I was still suffering with depression, from the miscarriage, at the time. Within weeks they warmed to it, and they were all excited, just worried the depression would reaccure.

OH's family were nasty. His parents told us we were making a mistake, and they really didnt acknowledge the pregnancy and baby until she was born. Well 8 days after she was born. OH's nan told him I shouldn't be having children as I had a miscarriage, so something must be medically wrong with me, and that I only got pregnant to trap him into marrying me sooner!! OH's dad said he was making a mistake by staying, and marrying, me and that I'll eventually make him unhappy. They are all horrible, and never have been accepting of us, so I guess it was no suprise.

We are WTT for #2 in july this year, and no one knows, although Im dying to tell a few friends. I am worried what my family will say as they know that I am trying to loose weight ( and I do ahve alot to lose) and Amara wont even be a year old. God only knows what OH's family will say. But then it has nothing to do with them. We live in our own house (rented) and dont rely on either set of parents. I drive, and OH has a great job in the RFA. We dont plan on telling them until I'm around 12-16 weeks pregnant, as then it's a 3rd of the way through, and it wont feel so long.

If you and your Oh feel ready for a baby then go for it. Dont listen to what others have to say, and trying to please people. Trust me, you'll get no where doing this. I know some newly married couples like to have a couple years of married life together without children, and some jump straight into it. 

Planning a baby is an exciting time, and dont let anyone make it anything less.

:flower:


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## odd_socks

*Im not worried about what my parents think, infact if anything they want us to starting trying sooner rather than later but its my OHs parents im not sure what there reaction would be as my OH is younger than me*


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## FertilMertile

I'm worried about my dad's reaction cuz in all my pregnancies I get really sick in the first trimester and I end up hospitalized. Plus he worries about money issues and things like that. But my mom would be ok with it. She knows we're trying. My bro, I dunno how he would react but honestly, I'm married and I have 3 kids already so, what can they really say?


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## beccad

I think you have to not worry too much what other people are going to think. As i've said in another thread, you're adults and don't need permission from your parents to carry on with your adult lives.

You have to do what is right for you.


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## Jess137

Shabutie said:


> Hi Jess, i'm Jess too!
> 
> I was worried about disappointing my family, as I had already left uni, due to a miscarrage, so I was already there in a way. When we told my family, they were a bit unsure to begin with, as I was still suffering with depression, from the miscarriage, at the time. Within weeks they warmed to it, and they were all excited, just worried the depression would reaccure.
> 
> OH's family were nasty. His parents told us we were making a mistake, and they really didnt acknowledge the pregnancy and baby until she was born. Well 8 days after she was born. OH's nan told him I shouldn't be having children as I had a miscarriage, so something must be medically wrong with me, and that I only got pregnant to trap him into marrying me sooner!! OH's dad said he was making a mistake by staying, and marrying, me and that I'll eventually make him unhappy. They are all horrible, and never have been accepting of us, so I guess it was no suprise.
> 
> We are WTT for #2 in july this year, and no one knows, although Im dying to tell a few friends. I am worried what my family will say as they know that I am trying to loose weight ( and I do ahve alot to lose) and Amara wont even be a year old. God only knows what OH's family will say. But then it has nothing to do with them. We live in our own house (rented) and dont rely on either set of parents. I drive, and OH has a great job in the RFA. We dont plan on telling them until I'm around 12-16 weeks pregnant, as then it's a 3rd of the way through, and it wont feel so long.
> 
> If you and your Oh feel ready for a baby then go for it. Dont listen to what others have to say, and trying to please people. Trust me, you'll get no where doing this. I know some newly married couples like to have a couple years of married life together without children, and some jump straight into it.
> 
> Planning a baby is an exciting time, and dont let anyone make it anything less.
> 
> :flower:

Thanks everyone! And I am really lucky that DH's family is great and they have considered me part of the family years before we even got married. So there isn't an issue there luckily. We support ourselves and feel that we can raise a baby. I think we just have to go for it and worry about my family afterward. It's not like they can do anything about it after I'm pg anyway! I think my mom's issue is that she still thinks of me as one of her babies since she only had myself and my little brother (even though I'm 23).


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## Shabutie

Yeah it could be that. I'm certain OH's mum and family didnt warm to it was because she only has two children, and Paul is the oldest, and she has trouble letting him 'go' and grow up. But this shows itself in all aspects not just baby making. :haha:

OH;s family adore Amara now, and I think they slightly regret the way they treated us. I know they only talk to me properly now, as they feel I wont let them see Amara otherwise. Which isnt the case, but I dont think you should be fake just to get what you want. 

So if it's your own family your worried about, then I'm sure all will fall into place no time.

:flower:


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## MissKM

im terrified of telling my family im ttc/wtt cause i know they would want me to wait.
but i feel a bit better about actually telling them im already pregnant, cause i think they would be happy enough not to really care (well i hope) 

i know how you feel about not wanting to disappoint your family, i feel the same, but ive been to uni, and if all goes well ill be finished in may and will pass so i think ill have at least made them proud in that way. as for OH's family i dont think their that bothered either way xx


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## Freakycactus

I just tried to post but something went wrong, so I'm apologising now just in case it appears!

I'm terrified of telling my family, I know they won't approve, they'll be happy enough at the prospect of a new baby but not with our current circumstances. Which is a fair comment, but we've been waiting until our circumstances improve for a couple of years already and things haven't got any better, in a lot of ways they've got worse. So now we've decided to go with our hearts, I've come off BCP (4 days ago) and we're NTNP.

One of my cousin's has 4 boys, the first at 17 with someone she didn't know very well, they're now married and their boys are lovely. The family have come around with time so it will be the same with us.

OH's family aren't an issue as we don't have much contact with them, I think they'll just be pleased that there'll be a baby.


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## i want it all

I was worried about the reaction because I knew it would be fine, and everyone would be chuffed to bits - and I was right! I was just worried about thelling them! In fact - I told my mam to tell my dad! Lol! I just felt a bit funny about admitting to having sex! Lol!


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## Jess137

Yeah I figured out that it is strange because I'm married so obviously my parents know that we have sex...but it's an awkward subject. Good thing it's not something talked about a lot!


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## Vanilla Spice

I'm absolutely terrified about telling my family. My OH's family can't wait for us to be expecting (and may have actually given up all hpe of it ever happening) - however, my family have always told me never to have kids because they apparently ruin your whole life! My OH reckons my Dad would actually be really excited but I'm just not sure. 

I'm actually considering not telling them at all until we are literally giving birth because I don't want them putting a dampener on it and making me feel bad with their negative comments and lack of excitement for us!


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## beccad

LOL it's funny you mention the sex thing - I feel funny about it in that way too! Announcing you're pregnant is admitting to your parents that you've had sex ha ha! I'm 31 and have been married for three years, living with DH for six, FFS so of course i've had sex, but being pregnant is definite proof, isn't it!


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## godsgift385

My father passed 8 yrs ago and my fiances parent want more grandkids (they have 10 already!) The only person I'm afraid to tell is my mom. Both our grandparents want to know why we haven't had any yet. Lol

My sister was pg at 15 an brother was expelled from school at 16 so she has alway been overprotective with me (I'm the baby. 5 yrs under my bro an 7 yrs under my sis) she has never been satisfied with any man I've been with and has always told me to wait, I have time. I don't think she will be happy with us ttc but knows I will regardless (I've been with fiance for 6 yrs despite mothers disapproval). But it would be nice to hear some excitement from her when it does happen.


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## ChewyCookie

Yes, but i think my mum will secretly be happy, because she loves babies/kids.


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## nightkd

Everyone freaked out when we announced we were pregnant... My DH and I had only met IRL in April/May and got pregnant in September though ;) We had known each other for 3 years prior, but although our parents knew about that and were aware we were talking, I don't think they quite got how close we were...

They all came around though. I think you just have to expect the disappointment and be prepared for it, because they can't stay grumpy and judgmental for long :lol: My mum was quite unhappy about it, but she is in love with her little Granddaughter! :) 

At the end of the day it is YOUR life and as long as you stay strong and reinforce the fact that their grumbling and negative comments will go ignored and won't make any difference in your life apart from making you feel unhappy and unsupported, they will eventually get it and start to come around. ;)


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## ShireLass

I got engaged at 18 and my dad said I was stupid. I'm getting married this June (to the man I got engaged to at 18!) and my dad said "Who talked you into it?".

I don't look forward to telling him if/when I'm pregnant. Although he loves kids so maybe that one will be ok, or he'll be super disappointed till there actually is a baby.

OH's parents, not sure about, his brother has a toddler and twin babies so they should be used to the idea of grandkids by now lol. Future MIL has always said she wants us married first, I'm not planning to give her time to think up another reason to wait lol.


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## Mrs Eleflump

Not at all, my parents and my husband's dad will be thrilled! It will be weird telling them, as previous posters have said, as it's admitting to having had sex, but come on, I'm married!!

Anyway...won't be telling them when we're trying, as there'll be constant 'any news???' conversations going on, and I cba with that! 

I'm more worried about my parents after the baby is born...they live at the other end of the country and I worry about them feeling that they're missing out on their grandchild...of course we'll try and make sure to visit and have them visit us as much as possible, and I suppose there's skype and stuff, but I don't want anyone making me or my husband feel bad because of where we live! They won't move, and I wouldn't expect them to, of course. There's no option for us to move - our lives are here, and I can't work where they live, as it's way too rural, and I need a big hospital to work in, as the smaller ones don't do what I work as! Still...we shall cross that bridge when we come to it, I suppose :argh:


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## OmiOmen

I am not now since family know we are WWT now but I was the first time I got pregnant. My MIL stopped talking to us for a bit when we said we was getting married and was really not happy when we got pregnant not long after the wedding either so stopped talking to us again. I had a MMC and then got pregnant a second time which was also a MMC and she still was not happy. We waited a bit longer to try for the third time and she was not as bad when we told her, not happy but not too bad. I was third time lucky and had my son, but no one really took things for granted with my history and then I had a rough pregnancy from the second trimester too. Anyway, my MIL became better as the pregnancy progressed and now she see's the world revolving around my son (not that I can blame her, hehe) and she wants a second grandchild ASAP, lol! So I guess the point of my story is that even if you know someone who is so unhappy with the situation to the point that they stop talking to you it does not mean they will stay that way.


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## Amarna

Not this time around but the first time I was. Primarily because we were young, unmarried and it was unplanned. So I knew my parents would frown upon it. But they warmed up to it, my mom a lot quicker than my dad. In a week or two actually my mom was over the moon with excitement so it worked out. My husband's mother was happy for us. His father on the other hand was freaked out and at first actually accused me of trying to trap my now husband into marriage via pregnancy...so not the case. I was offended of course but I realize why he said that, he was looking out for my husband and jaded because those were essentially the circumstances he got stuck with in a previous marriage. He's changed a lot in attitude toward me since and loves our daughter and I'm pretty sure he knows that I love his son and would be committed to him and vice versa with or without children.

Things worked themselves out eventually. :)


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## monkeydo

We've been together 9 years and getting married in June so you'd think it wouldn't be a massive shock, but given the luke-warm reaction to our engagement, I'm worried the response to a pregnancy would be the same. My parents are a bit odd, so I've just learned to mainly ignore what they say. I know his family would be really excited, but in a wierd way I think this could put a lot of pressure on me to not mess it up, since he's the only child of his mum (his parents aren't together) so the only hope of grandchildren.


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## Catalyst

No im not that nervus about telling. Maby litle bit because they might think it is soon :) my lo will be 30 months old or odler. 
My mum and dad know we are goingt to start TTC soon, not exactly when though. I blurted it out :S hehe my mum was ok, said litle, something about good to get it over with because I probably wont have more children. My dad just said, that soon hehe not in a bad way though.
Im not sure what my OH family will say. His parents might get overwhelmed because then thei will have 6 grandchildren under 5 years old! Thei have more but they are mutch older hehe. And all of these 6 live in less than 15 min walk! So loads of fun in family gatherings hehe


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## Webbykinskt

I'm worried about OH's parents more TBH. They would love grandchildren, but they think we're too young and want us to finish our educations first. 

After we showed them we have everything sorted they will be happy about it I'm sure.

I think it's quite often the case that we expect the worst but they will be fine once the shock wears off :)
 
After all, it's our choices... not theirs.

xx


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## Webbykinskt

monkeydo said:


> We've been together 9 years and getting married in June so you'd think it wouldn't be a massive shock, but given the luke-warm reaction to our engagement, I'm worried the response to a pregnancy would be the same. My parents are a bit odd, so I've just learned to mainly ignore what they say. I know his family would be really excited, but in a wierd way I think this could put a lot of pressure on me to not mess it up, since he's the only child of his mum (his parents aren't together) so the only hope of grandchildren.

We got the lukewarm reaction our engagement last year too. 'Too young...' so we didn't have a party or even any congratulations. Makes me want to do everything they don't want us to haha x


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