# One reason I'm glad to be an over-35 mother-to-be....



## PoodleMommy

I read so many threads by young pregnant women who have to deal with so much DRAMA!!! Poor girls, either they have worthless OH's who spend all their time off drinking with the lads, or OH's who don't even want the baby or have anything to do with them, or crises with meddling or disapproving parents or whatnot. I feel so bad for them! :(

Obviously we over-35 mothers-to-be can have our share of drama too, but I can't help but be so thankful that 1) I'm in a stable, loving, happy marriage (with a grown-up!), 2) this baby is VERY VERY VERY wanted, and 3) we're far enough in our lives that we can afford a baby without worrying where our next meal is coming from.

I never _wanted_ to be expecting my first surviving baby at this age, but when I think of how it could be if I were a lot younger, I'm counting my blessings and thankful for the advantages of being older and more settled when having a baby!


----------



## Bats11

I can understand what your saying, being 37 myself, but i have 2 older sisters with new partners & they've both decided to have a child with their new partner & let me tell you the dramas they are going through is truly unbelievable, so sometimes age makes no difference.


----------



## Bats11

Congratulations with your baby boy!


----------



## Borboleta

What a lovely post:). I agree with you. This is our baby number 1 and he is so wanted :kiss::baby:! No accidental pregnancy here:). Just pure fertility medicines and lots of baby dancing to make this happen :haha:!


----------



## Torontogal

I know... I read a lot of the posts on the board in general and it seems like a bunch of kids and then I realize, in many ways they ARE kids... I don't mean that in a bad way, but I just couldn't have imagined being much younger than I am and I will be 37 this March. 

Other advantages:
More $$ 
More life experience/perspective
More self-confidence to take good advice, dismiss bad advice and to tell the difference between the two
Have managed to get a lot of adventure/travelling in so less feeling of missing out on stuff
Nobody wondering if baby was wanted/planned

Being over 35 ROCKS!


----------



## Mom To 2

I agree to all the reasons mentioned, for me also its going to be wonderful sharing this with my older children. My daughter is 13 and she is so excited! She is just like her mommy and has always loved being around children. She is already talking to my belly, I tease her that the baby hasn't formed ears yet. :haha:


----------



## Torontogal

Mandy, that is the cutest thing! Your daughter sounds so sweet


----------



## Biddylee

I also am glad to be an older mum to be. I feel I've done a bit. However I'm not always sure relationships are amazing stable post 35 or that every ambition or goal has been achieved at this age. A project I'm working on is just really starting to take off however having baby is more important.

I find there are good insights from the young and old on these boards as well as things I really don't agree with or dramas coming from all ages. It'd be quite nice if we didn't put ourselves into age boxes. Though I do get that because of the issues with pregnancy over 35, it is good to have a separate forum to discuss these concerns in.


----------



## sadie

I'm glad that I was able to travel a lot when I was younger, and had some amazing experiences that would have been different if I were in my 50's with a 20+ year old....


----------



## ttc11

Wanted to chime in... I am soooo happy I waited! Being 'older' I'd like to think I'm a little more intelligent and can handle a baby, marriage, work, etc. better than when I was in my 20s. Of course not meeting my husband until I was 33 helped in that department. But I feel like I've traveled, I've moved around a lot, I've made mistakes and am ready for this! And I'm very excited to show my baby an adventurous life! I'm still going to travel and most likely will probably move around from cities/states, too. The future is bright!!!:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


----------



## Wildfire81

I am not 35 or older, but I am 30 and my husband is almost 34. I could not imagine dealing with the drama I see here on a daily basis. I am happy I do not want to kill my husband, nor do I call him terrible names, and vica versa. Every person I associate with are family and career minded, and I think that makes a difference. The people we associate ourselves with often define our images.


----------



## laylabird

I am over 35 and we are expecting our first in June! I justed found this forum and joined today and was happy to see so many moms in my "over 35 boat". My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 8, and I find comfort in the fact that we can bring our baby into a stable, loving family with no drama!


----------



## Junebug_CJ

My main reasons for loving to be an over 35 mom:
1) Took my time to find the right partner (we met when I was 35).
2) Financially stable home
3) More comfortable in my own skin compared to when I was in my 20's, early 30's
4) Travelled a lot and fully lived prior to having a family
5) Developped hobbies and coping skills required to deal with day to day stressors


----------



## spikey doodle

I couldn't agree more with all the points made in this thread.

I was wayyyyy too selfish in my 20's to contemplate having a child! I very deliberately chose not to have a child until now, when suddenly it just feels right, for so many reasons:

Wiser, smarter, happier, calmer, more intuitive, more nurturing, and the list goes on...:cloud9:


----------



## Eleonora

Three cheers for older moms! I am also happy to say that from what I am seeing on the boards and experiencing myself, health problems are not necessarily worse for older moms though I was definitely expecting to suffer from every ache and pain. I don't even have to get up to pee during the night and I'm 28 weeks!


----------



## spikey doodle

Eleonora said:


> I don't even have to get up to pee during the night and I'm 28 weeks!

LOL!!!


----------



## erikab922

I am 39 and this is the perfect age for me to have my first (and only!) child. I love my life now and I have worked damn hard to get to this point. Of course to me the most important factor in deciding to have a child was having the right partner - I was married for seven years (from 30-37) and two years into the marriage I knew we wouldn't last so birth control was a major priority. 

I do wonder how people can be so capricious about who impregnates them - who they mix their DNA with, arguably the most important decision of their lives. Not to say that you only have your sh*t together once you're over 35, but it does seem like a lot of the younger moms have such trouble with FOBs. For crying out loud, I wouldn't let my own husband get me pregnant because I had the forethought to realise the relationship wouldn't last.

I also have loads more self-confidence than in my 20s/early 30s, I can easily tell someone trying to give me advice to stuff it. I haven't had any pregnancy-related health problems that any 20-year old hasn't had as well. 

Work-wise I have a great job with a salary that can support a baby, and I've worked so hard to make sure I got a job where I could work from home and still manage a small team of programmers. I have only been able to get everything synced (great husband, WFH job, etc) in the last 18 months. 

I am loving being a 39-year old mom-to-be!!!


----------



## Havmercy

I agree with every woman on here! I received a lot of flack about having our first child at 38 years old. They all say they had children while they were young and got it out of the way, and now they still have their lives. I say WHATEVER! I don't have any baby daddy child support problems, I have a husband who helped me conceive this child in love. We are well traveled, educated, financially stable, and a beautiful home with acreage. We are excited about having our first child after enjoying being married first. Down south women have babies early and end up raising them alone. I was determined not to be a statistic. I had goals and dreams and now I'm living them. Mad love to moms over 35 years old. We are examples of what real responsible parents are supposed to be!!


----------



## tracy143

I agree with you ladies!

I am 35 and currently remarried to my wonderful DH (41). I have two teenage boys from a previous marriage, ages 16 and 14. I had my first son when I was 18 and my second at 21. While it was tough having children so young, I definitely do not regret my boys and I couldn't imagine my life without them.

Granted, in my first marriage we struggled financially and I had zero patience. Now, I am in a great relationship, we both work, and I would like to think I have learned patience as I got older. 

This is my current husband's first baby and he is over the moon :)


----------



## Torontogal

Havmercy said:


> I agree with every woman on here! I received a lot of flack about having our first child at 38 years old. They all say they had children while they were young and got it out of the way, and now they still have their lives. I say WHATEVER! I don't have any baby daddy child support problems, I have a husband who helped me conceive this child in love. We are well traveled, educated, financially stable, and a beautiful home with acreage. We are excited about having our first child after enjoying being married first. Down south women have babies early and end up raising them alone. I was determined not to be a statistic. I had goals and dreams and now I'm living them. Mad love to moms over 35 years old. We are examples of what real responsible parents are supposed to be!!

Sorry to hear you're getting flak. Where I live, it's the opposite, almost everyone is having kids in their late 30s and people in their early 30s are considered young... and people in their 20s... well, I don't know of anyone who has had a child that young. I guess it's a regional thing!!


----------



## happymamma

Wow, I've been sitting around the past few weeks feeling old, wondering if ppl look at me and laugh to themselves cuz Im too old to have a baby. I just turned 40, and have been feeling downbecause of it. Thank you ladies for all these comments! I needed to read this :) xxx


----------



## future_numan

I have been on both ends of the scale.
I had my first three daughters when I was still very young. It was tuff trying to complete school, start my career, buy a home ect. I was stressed and streched thin. I have always felt I cheated the " girls" because I wasn't more settled.
Now being and " older" mom I find I don't sweat the small stuff, I am alot more stable, my older daughters just dot on Emily and are super excited on the arrival of their brother, I am so much more relaxed because I don't feel judged by my parenting descions like I did as a young mom and all in all I just love getting the second chance to see my children grow:hugs:


----------



## swethaishu

Hi congrats nice to see your baby pic.Pleases share good info my friend is tyring to conceive at 35 Please help her here with your valuable thoughts


----------



## kirst76

I agree.....I had my first baby when I had just turned 21. I wasn't in a relationship and it was really tough. Now I'm happily married, we have 3 wonderful girls (the oldest is now 14 and knows my husband as her daddy) and we are pregnant with number 4.
I am in such a better position now and because of that am a way better mummy.


----------

