# Marrying abroad-when your parents tell you the cant afford it...



## DonnaBallona

SO- i have a massive dilemma.

Firstly, my parents are seperated and both have now remarried. My Dad has a stepdaughter. My fiancees parents are still together.

We live about 15 minutes from Ascot, where initially we had planned to have our wedding. It was going to cost us the best part of £6,000 just for the food, let alone anything else, so we decided to cancel it. We have now decided that we would book our 'dream' wedding in St Lucia next year instead.

Now, St Lucia is a much better deal than Ascot, and after much to-ing and fro-ing with a company out there we have been given a quote which is waaaaaay more affordable for us, and one for a wedding that we love! Im super excited. I should also mention now that we are getting no financial support from either set of parents for the wedding.

(My older sister is getting married in July and my parents are helping her with a substantial amount of her costs. Slightly irritating but its not in our nature to ask for money.)

Anyhoo, I ecstatically told my parents yesterday about our plans, and neither of them sounded impressed. They told me they didnt want to miss me getting wed, but didnt know if they can afford to come. My fiancees parents have already told us they are definatly coming.

SO-now what do I do? Do I go to my dream wedding, one we can afford and enjoy-but leave my parents behind? or do I stay here and pay over the odds for the wedding that THEY want us to have, one cannot afford nor want, just so they can be there?


Im so mixed up and completley torn :-( Help!

ETA: My stepsister also has told us that she cannot come either...


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## booflebump

How much roughly will it be for guests to attend? xxx


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## DonnaBallona

oops, sorry, meant to mention that! 

We have arranged to see a travel agent tomorrow morning to see what they can offer us-My mum has got herself, her husband and my younger 15 year old sister to pay for, my dad just himself and his wife.

We.ve had a rough look ourselves and guesstimate that for a family of 3, flights and all-inc accomodation for 7 nights is about £1,400.

We.re going to get a more accurate figure tomorrow morning hopefully!


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## booflebump

Ok, so for a family of three, by the time they have taken spending money (even if it is all inclusive you need to have some), outfits for the day, some holiday clothes, a wedding present etc, it will probably end up being more than 2k. Which is a lot. But then I can see where you are coming from about having the wedding of your dreams. Is there anyway you could offer to contribute to the cost of your mum and dad's trips alone since you have made a saving by not having the wedding here? It's sad, but with weddings abroad, sometimes people just can't come and it's one of the downfalls of it. It just depends what is more important to you xxx


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## mama2b

I think you should sit down and have a chat with them about what you both want and how you can compromise. If you explain that you can't afford a wedding at home without help then the ball is in there court. Did they expect you to get married soon ? Im just thinking that maybe they have always intended to help financially but didn't think you would get married in the near future ? 

I have a similar problem with our wedding. I intially wanted to go to Barbados but its basically going to be around 4-5k for two adults and a child. I could possibly justify this for a once in a lifetime wedding and holiday but no-one can afford it, looking at around 2 1/2k for a couple for one week ! We have now decided to go for Cyprus as its more affordable for our guests.

The price you have been qouted is fantastic but if someone isn't fussed about going to that location its a lot of money. My friend recently got married in cuba we were invited and I think for a couple it was about £2200 for 2 weeks. it is a lot of money and I didn't really want to go to cuba its just not on my list of places to go so we gave it a miss.

Ultimately you need to do what you want to.


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## randomxx

Is there no way of getting a group booking discount to bring the costs down a little??? 

If it was me i would have my dream wedding abroad as it's my day, could you compromise with a big party when you get home?? xx


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## DonnaBallona

randomxx, we're having a massive party when we get home too-which I'll wear my dress to. :flower:

We're off tomorrow to see the travel agent to get a more accurate look at what its going to cost our guests, so after that its straight on to talk to them. I dont want them to get themselves into debt just to come. :nope:

Mama2b, Iv been engaged forr 4 years this year :shock: and had originally planned to get married this November but cancelled it. They did know it was coming but thought it would be in the UK not abroad I think. :flower:

Thanks so much for your input ladies. really difficult decision to make and I really appreciate all your replies.

xx


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## randomxx

If you give up your dream wedding abroad are you going to regret it hun? Or will you regret getting married her more? x


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## Charl

As some of the other girls have said, if there was no way your could get a group discount or come to sort of compramise you could always have a blessing ceremony done here and throw a party when you come back, so everyone who you couldn't invite/attend could celebrate your nuptuals. :)


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## nessajane

Im getting married in cyprus in september and my parents (seperated) cant really afford to come, but they are even though they are struggling with paying for it which i feel bad for but they always knew when i got married it would be abroad we got engaged last june they had plently of time to save... 

it tough but do what YOU want to do hun its your day and youll regret it in the long run if you stay and get wed here if you have your heart set on abraod x


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## Tiff

I had this issue as well with my parents. We wanted to do a destination wedding, and pay for it ourselves. The gift that anyone could give us would be just to come to the wedding! My parents outright refused to go. They don't like to fly and refuse to go anywhere because of news reports that tropical destinations are dangerous.


So I compromised. I am getting married here, but they're helping me pay for it which is a huge difference. You can only do what you can afford, and if they can't come IMHO then that is their issue. To tell you that you can't have the wedding of your dreams and that you should have a wedding that you can't afford and they aren't going to help contribute is rather selfish to me. 

Sorry if that offends anyone, but it seems that the fact that it is your and your fiancé's day does not matter, its what they want. If they were footing the bill then I'd say that's Quid Pro Quo. I dunno... I just think its gutsy to tell someone how to do their wedding but not offer any financial help. :shrug:


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## randomxx

I totally agree with you Tiff :thumbup:


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## honeybee2

ye but surely the money they would have given to you towards your wedding would now pay for their flights? xx


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## Always&amp;4ever

I got married at the Sandals beach and spa resort in St Lucia and it was amazing, we paid for my mum and step-dad (2000 each) for the them to come, but my in laws, paid the majority of our wedding. You have to do whats best for you honey x


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