# Does my 18 month old hate me or are all toddlers like this?!



## loverguts

Arghhhhh. For the past month or so my LO has turned into such a little thug. He throws tantrums if there are things he can't have or places he can't get to. He bites me, he throws his head into the floor if i take something dangerous away from him etc he keeps crying hysterically and i usually can't figure out why!!! (although NEVER any tears unless he is genuinely hurt?!)... it is just driving me insane. He cries when he's tired but screams if i try and get him to nap. I can't leave a room without him going mental (although at play groups he disappears and has to be practically dragged home!).

Most of the shouty behaviour is at home but for the past week or so he has been doing it in shops or when we're on walks if i try to hold his hand to stop him from walking into a cyclist or a dog etc!

I feel like he hates me and thinks i am deliberately stopping him from doing what he wants to do! He is a lot worse at home, which im beginning to think is possibly boredom, but i am always finding him things to do or stuff to play with, craft activities etc but his attention span seems to last for about 2 minutes before he is screeching again! We usually go out at least twice a day for long walks and most weeks we will take a trip to a farm, the zoo, sensory room etc so its not like i coop him up all day long! I don't understannnnnnnd :cry:

Does this sound like a phase? Should i be ignoring it when he starts going mad or is it better to pick him up and cuddle him (which i do at the moment) :wacko:


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## xprincessx

It's definitely normal hun. Sounds like the "terrible two's" which ALWAYS happen before the age of two anyway LOL

I worked in a nursery and most if not all of the toddlers there went through this. A few suffered with it very very badly and a few were a bit more laid back. He is only doing this because at their age toddlers don't know the words to use to tell you how they feel and they cannot compromise so they have tantrums to show you they are angry that they are not getting what they want. Try to distract him with something else when this happens but eventually it will pass hun.

Hang on in there x


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## OliveMartini

You are NOT alone.


My DD...

-looks at me blankly then laughs when I tell her off for doing something naughty, then carries on doing it
-ignores me when I ask her to do something
-screams NO when I ask her to do something
-screams if I take something from her she isn't ment to have
-screams if someone leaves the room
-screams if she can't do something
-screams if I try to hold her hand whilst crossing the road etc.
-screams when I put her in her bed for a nap when she's tired
-screams when I give her dinner when she's hungry

To sum up, she's either screaming or just blatantly rebelling against me....


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## loverguts

Haha, thank you both!! Your replies made me laugh. I already feel massively better! It was literally like one day a switch flicked and my LO turned into a completely different boy! Glad to know i am not alone and that it is completely normal... hehe :happydance:


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## ~RedLily~

Yep sounds pretty normal. I think it's basically the toddler equivalent of this :rofl:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLuEY6jN6gY


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## QTPie

They are all so different, it is a phase, but it depends how it is handled. However things get easier as they get a bit older as their understanding improves a lot and generally they can communicate their wants too (although that doesn't mean that you can always meet them...).

I found a mixture of ignoring/distracting worked very well (depends where you are, what the tantrum is about and how far gone the toddler is.... If I ignore, I tend to look the other way (like out of a window) and talk to myself ("what a lovely day.... What pretty birds flying overhead" etc).

As Alex gets older, getting down to his level and either very briefly explaining it to him ("we just need to go into this shop VERY QUICKLY for a loaf") or giving him choices ("either you hold my hand and we walk OR I carry you" - again said down at his level) tend to work very well. He feels less dictated to and a choice gives him some control (you haveto be completely willing to carry out either choice that you give him though!).

I very rarely cuddle with a tantrum - have done it two or three times when he is in total overwhelmed distress (sort of teething distress rather than tantrum). Have red that cuddles for any tantrum can potentially hurt you (kicks/punches), plus provides the wrong message to them....

Amy biting (although believe it has all been teething/excitement related) is met by a firm "no biting!" (he has been involuntarily pushed away with a hard bite) and a timeout somewhere safe (so I can cool down). I go back when I am ready, I repeat "no biting - it hurts mummy" and we hug. Alex hasn't kicked/hit/punched me on purpose yet, but it would be met with the same "no tolerance"....

You have to find what works with your toddler, but remember who is the boss (and who is responsible for setting boundaries) and be firm and consistent. It may take time (and have ups and downs), but it pays off :)


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## QTPie

Oh and lots of positive reinforcement for the good things (can be difficult to remember during a "bad" day...


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## iceylou

my son was a demon when he was around that age. bedtime was the worst, i had to take all his toys out of his room or else they would fired down the stairs. "hate you" became his favourite word. tantrums galore. as he got older we just ignored the tantrums. hes now 13 and is so quite.

i should add he never did any of the above in his nanas house. nicole is just starting to push the boundries


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## RedRose

Loverguts, thanks so much for posting, we have had very similar for the past two weeks, I even had a cry about it before I went to bed last night. It's like, where has my little happy and fun girl gone? I just don't know what to do for the best, like ignore or respond.

I have been telling my husband and mum about it and how she is changing etc but they don't see it, cos she is so always so happy to see them!

Sometimes I feel like she is bored of me and doesn't like me. :(

We had a bit of a breakthrough this morning tho, she had finished her breakfast and was starting to kick off, so I tried really hard to get her to tell me what the problem was, went through the list of hungry, drink, get down but she kept saying no. Then she said 'hands' so I asked of her hands were sore and she said 'no sore, wet', and they were really wet and cold bless her. Easy to rrectify!

I'm going to try and talk her through the tantrums as much as I can.

Hope it doesn't last long ! :hugs:


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## TennisGal

We are mid way through a 'toddler morning'...Lizzie has a cold, so our plans have been rejigged, and we are waiting for Grandma to come over.

Weve had meltdown getting dressed...meltdown over me picking a flower spoon rather than a Waybuloo spoon...meltdown when requested to eat at the table, not lying on the floor..Mummy intervention at this point, down to her level 'I know you aren't feeling well, but etc etc'...cue porridge flung on floor and peals of laughter.

Deep breaths. One of those days on the agenda.


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## loverguts

Thank you for the replies. We obviously all have to deal with it at some point or another which does make me feel better! I think im definitely going to stop trying to cuddle or pick up my LO when he is having a paddy because it probably is confusing him a bit. Im going to try hard to just ignore it and talk to myself if we're at home or give him options when out like one poster suggested! 

Like others of you, the rest of my family also rarely ever see his behaviour because he turns into a complete angel around them so i feel like the bad guy if someone pops over and im stressed out and they can't see WHY on earth i would be stressed out at such a lovely litle boy....hmmmmmmm!

Good luck everyone, hehe! :dohh: I just hope he has grown out of this phase by the time my next one arrives!


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## QTPie

They do it with their mums because they KNOW that their mums love them morethan anything and it is their mum's boundaries that they need to test... It is always the same: mums have the most abuse/torment because they love us most and need our love most... Sort of a big back handed compliment!

Stick at it, be firm and consistent... Try to stay as calm as possible and vaguely sane and it will pay off :)


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## bumbleberry

I'm so pleased others are going through the same, my little girl only turned one yesterday but for the last week or so I have noticed a difference in her behaviour and increasing tantrums, hair pulling, scratching and I have been bitten once alreadY!

Thanks QTpie for the advice as like others I am a little unsure as to how to handle it with it being so new, distraction has been my main way of handling it, my family think I'm mad as she is completely different with them then she is with me too!


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## mum2b2009

He dosnt hate u hun my sons the same with me and only me!! Xx


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## JoHio

You have just described my boy, coming up on 17 months. You are totally not alone! 

Hours of refusing to nap despite being over tired and baby drunk. If I tried to put him in his crib, he worked himself up so badly he vomited...all over. I'm 31 weeks pregnant with number 2, and tired to begin with. I actually dropped the F-bomb on him yesterday. :( Not my finest moment....so ashamed....just....so...tired. He is at my MIL's today, and is being a total angel. Of course.


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