# Feeling kinda bummed...



## tryfor2

I'm only 6-7 weeks and am starting to tell a few people. Out of the handful I have told, two have responded strangely. They just stared at me and then basically asked if this was an accident or am I happy about it. I can only assume this is because of my age (37), though one friend is my age exactly. This same friend did congratulate me but then went on to make a comment about society thinking 37 is too old to have a baby and how having two kids is so much harder. Thanks. Is it too much to ask for people to be a little excited for me? And what's with the whole "was this planned" question? I'm sorry, but that's just rude and none of their business (as well as not at all the case). If someone shares pregnancy news I always assume the pregnancy is wanted and am excited for them.

Have any of you gotten similar reactions and how did you deal with them?


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## Whitesoxfan41

People are just plain rude, there's not much you can do. I got pg at 42 and we had MANY negative or snide comments made. Just be positive and blow them off! I had an aunt that said "Good thing her girls are excited about that baby because they'll have to raise it, she is so old". . .lovely eh? 

Hang in there! People will catch on to your enthusiasm as well!


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## surprisepg

I'm also 37 this will be my 3rd child and although it was a surprise (i just dont like babies being called accidents) I have had many respond the same way. Was it planned? I have even gotten the odd "You know theres a higher chance of abnormality dont you?"

smh i just ignore them.


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## Last.Chance

"Is this planned"? I am not the religious type but concerning a pregnancy you are blissfully announcing I think the obvious answer would have to be, "It's God's plan". When we are in our late 30's we can plan all we want but a higher power seems to have the final word.


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## viccat

Thankfully all of our nearest and dearest have been very excited for us - although they do occasionally feel free to ask intimate questions, such as was it a natural conception.

I've had the odd strange response from people I am less close to, but as a result am not too bothered. Someone said they were surprised, which made me wonder why, after I'd ended the phone call (Do I seem a hardened career woman? Child hater? Dog lover? Too old to manage it?)

Most of the time, when I've told people about the pregnancy, I've told them that it was a long time coming and we're both ecstatically happy. So no, no-one has asked whether it was planned.... :winkwink:


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## ms.tjulz

Dont let anyone steal your joy. The next time someone askes you if the pregnancy was planned say "Yes. Would you like to see the diagram?" or "No more planned than you were." lol congrats to you!


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## 2have4kids

Oh my, I'm 38 and pregnant with my first. We've ttc for 3 years now and if anyone so much as looks at me cross eyed I'll knock them flat. It deserves an outraged response to let them know how inappropriate they're behaving. 

I'll be in my 40's doing what I can to finish off our family (have my 2,3 or 4th depending on if I'm carrying twins right now). It's all we could do and I want a large family so c'est la vie! 

I think I'd respond to the person by telling them I'm going to pretend I never heard that.


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## tryfor2

Thanks for your responses. I guess I was taken aback because one of those people is a friend and I would never treat a friend that way (or a stranger for that matter!). The weird thing is that I had a long discussion with her two months ago about TTC again. She must not have been listening! Oh well. Perhaps I should have called her on that! I try not to expect too much from people to avoid disappointment but I always end up disappointed anyway. 

Yes, the "accident" thing is highly offensive and makes me lose all respect for anyone who dares even hint at that. My father-in-law was plainly told he was unplanned and it has haunted him his entire life. 

The next time someone implies I'm getting a bit long in the tooth to be having another baby I should just repeat what my OB-gym said--that these days 37 is a "perfectly normal age to be having a child." HA! So THERE--I'm "perfectly normal" y'all!!


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## sbl

Sorry just forum hopping but my sister had her 4th child at 38 and she did just fine.
Don't let anyone dictate how you feel.
Your happy your having another baby, whatever anyone else feels apart from your oh is irrelevant.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
xx


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## tablefor4

I'm 37 and 18 weeks pregnant with my 3rd. I have a DS 13 and a DD 8. So huge age gaps too. I'm not usually a secret keeper but we kept it to ourselves until after 12 weeks, partially because of what people would say. In our case, it was very much planned and loved, we just decided we hadn't finished our family yet. So when people asked (they generally said "Oh, was that a surprise?" mostly because of the huge age gaps), I say "Nope, and we couldn't be happier". Most have the decency to smile and say congrats. My sister said "You're mad!". To which I replied "Don't be a hypocrite - you've just had a baby". That stopped that conversation. While I think it's natural for outsiders to wonder how you're going to cope, I just shrug and ignore any less than positive comments. In the face of my oblivous happiness, any negativity soon stops.


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## Julia35

I've only told a select few and one person grimaced and said, I'm sorry. Really?! I'm 35, and my youngest is 7. While I am a little older to have a baby, an apology isn't the right response to someone telling you they are being granted the miracle of life.


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## wookie130

Sheesh, what the hell is wrong with some people? Would they rather we attempted motherhood when we were 12 years old? And as if 35-40 is even OLD!!!! I mean, if we've got the energy to dtd and ttc, and have all of that SEX, then for Pete's sake, we can handle the product of all of that effort...the baby, of course. You'd think we have one foot in the grave or something! Oy.


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## cedrickerry

Some people are so insensitive .......I was 37 when I had my twins and will be 40 when this one (or 2) arrives. I ttc for 10 yrs before having help to have my twins ....doesnt mean I deserve it less or that I just wanted 1 pregnancy. Half expecting some snide comments this time as we have had to get into debt to have treatment ...but its our choice, and will not affect my parenting


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## lanaross

was it planned is a very usual question, it gets asked one way or another, nothing to do with your age, just with the stupidity of some people. Ignore hun x
wait till you get "oh no your bump is too small, you're starving this baby" and the next day "oh no you must be carrying twins". Two pregnancies and I have only heard once "your bump is perfect!"
Once you're a mother everybody seem to have an opinion or two :) Doesn't come naturally but ignoring is the best course of action.


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## Jencocoa

Hugs. That is ridiculous! People can be rude, clueless, hurtful. Hugs. Pregnancy is special and beautiful and exciting at any age!

I keep getting people asking me if I am done, or having more. I have two already. How about u let me have this one...and also none of your business.


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