# Anyone expecting black/mixed race babies? Culture question...



## Neecee

I was just wondering if anyone on here has experienced/is experiencing a clash of cultures? Hubby and I are both b/british, born and raised in the UK and so were both our parents, but the problem is with the grandparents - they just don't understand how stuff gets done over here nowadays. My nan is trying to tell me about all the stuff that I need to be doing before and once the baby arrives, but to be honest a lot of it sounds really unsafe and dodgy! I'm not sure how things are done in the carribean, but my mum was a midwife and is now a health visitor over here and she's told me not to do a lot of the stuff my nan is suggesting.

I also have a friend who is pregnant, just a few weeks ahead of me. She is white and her partner is black, with real old school carribean parents and she seems to be having a issues with input from the in laws. She's been asking for my mum's advice on a lot of things, but as I understand it, her partners mother is annoyed because she doesn't want to come to her for advice and would rather ask my mum instead. Her parents are cool with everything, but I know they're a little baffled at some of the carribean ways of doing things and I can't really shed that much light on things for them as I don't relate to a lot of it myself.

I was just wondering if anyone else is having to deal with cultural influences in the family and how do you get on with being a new mummy and keep everyone happy at the same time?


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## glamgirl

Well, yours/and your friends story is exactly the same that im having... I live at my MILs house along with my husband. I`m from a different culture and my husband is african but born here. His parents are worst, i`ve been having so much problems with them, the way they treat my baby and wants things to be done according to their way. 
We have to pretend we`ve been homeless to the council so that we can get an emergency accomodation which we still waiting. We honestly can`t afford buying a house now so therefore we going through the council and goign through private renting asks you too much money. 
Since i gave birth, it has been really difficult for me to stay with them. His mum always poke his nose at everything i do and wants me to do things the way she wants it to be. The 1st day my baby came home she insisted that my baby should have a very cold bath, which they do in their F***in tradition. It pisses me off so much when i think of that day how she bathed my baby with cold water and was shaking my baby and my poor baby was crying so much and i could not say a word, due to the fact that i stay at their house and because she is my husband mum, i don`t want him to confront me if i be rude to her.
His dad, is a total Ass***e, he expects me to bring the baby to him everyday, and if i don`t he complains. He is just 2 faced, he pretends to be all holy and deep down he is so selfish. 
They even wanted my baby`s name to be according to what they choose. They insisted that i should put the name in the birth certificate. They all call him that name in the house and im just angry at the fact that i and my husband call my baby the name we chose and them lot always call him the other name, so i get annoyed as i don`t want my baby to be confused. 
Its all complicated living with MIL and it hurts me as my own parents are far away, they are back home and im on me own in here. I haven`t got no one to talk to, and when im speak with my partner he obviously dunno whose side to take and he did try to defend me at some point by saying to his dad that he wants to raise his child the way he wants it to be and his dad tried to hit him that day and threatened him to go out of his house. They are complete bullies, and i just can`t wait to get out of here... 

So that was my long rant, sorry for that. It feels so much better to actually tell it to someone who has some kinda experience about the same situation im going through. 

Big :hug:


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## brownhairedmom

Eeeek that sounds horrible. MIL's are bad enough as it is, let alone throwing in cultural differences. Vickie may also be a good person to ask about this one


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## jobee2222

Well well girls, you seem to be having a lot of trouble with the in-laws. I'm mixed race, dad is british and mum is colombian but partner is trinidadian as are his parents. The way i see it is this, its my baby, i'm the mother i choose everyone else back off. If i dont ask their opinion its cos i didnt want to hear it. dont get me wrong, i'm open minded, i have to be my grandads half german and my grandmother is welsh. I look at all the traditions etc that i like and that is what i will do.


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## Neecee

glamgirl said:


> Well, yours/and your friends story is exactly the same that im having... I live at my MILs house along with my husband. I`m from a different culture and my husband is african but born here. His parents are worst, i`ve been having so much problems with them, the way they treat my baby and wants things to be done according to their way.
> We have to pretend we`ve been homeless to the council so that we can get an emergency accomodation which we still waiting. We honestly can`t afford buying a house now so therefore we going through the council and goign through private renting asks you too much money.
> Since i gave birth, it has been really difficult for me to stay with them. His mum always poke his nose at everything i do and wants me to do things the way she wants it to be. The 1st day my baby came home she insisted that my baby should have a very cold bath, which they do in their F***in tradition. It pisses me off so much when i think of that day how she bathed my baby with cold water and was shaking my baby and my poor baby was crying so much and i could not say a word, due to the fact that i stay at their house and because she is my husband mum, i don`t want him to confront me if i be rude to her.
> His dad, is a total Ass***e, he expects me to bring the baby to him everyday, and if i don`t he complains. He is just 2 faced, he pretends to be all holy and deep down he is so selfish.
> They even wanted my baby`s name to be according to what they choose. They insisted that i should put the name in the birth certificate. They all call him that name in the house and im just angry at the fact that i and my husband call my baby the name we chose and them lot always call him the other name, so i get annoyed as i don`t want my baby to be confused.
> Its all complicated living with MIL and it hurts me as my own parents are far away, they are back home and im on me own in here. I haven`t got no one to talk to, and when im speak with my partner he obviously dunno whose side to take and he did try to defend me at some point by saying to his dad that he wants to raise his child the way he wants it to be and his dad tried to hit him that day and threatened him to go out of his house. They are complete bullies, and i just can`t wait to get out of here...
> 
> So that was my long rant, sorry for that. It feels so much better to actually tell it to someone who has some kinda experience about the same situation im going through.
> 
> Big :hug:

Man! That sounds like the crappiest situation to be in ever!!!! There is NO WAY on god's green earth I would move in with my MIL - she's OK in small doses, but to be permanently under her roof would be too much to cope with especially with a new baby. Luckily for me it's only my nan who likes to put her twopence worth in and I do have my mum to defend me on certain things. Do you and your husband have your own space within their house or are you pretty much at their mercy until you get sorted out? Do you have any idea how much longer you'll be living with them? You can usually get an idea by finding how many points the council have awarded you based on your current living situation.

I don't really have much knowledge on African culture but I've been to a friends' baby naming ceremony and I do know that they take the whole baby thing very seriously - especially if it's a boy and the WHOLE family get involved in everything.

Your in-laws really need to respect the fact that your child is dual-heritage and there needs to be a balance of cultures in his life. If you ever wanna have a rant or just someone to talk to, feel free to pm me!

:hug:


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## Neecee

jobee2222 said:


> I look at all the traditions etc that i like and that is what i will do.

That's what I'm talking about! There's no reason why we can't bring up our children with what we feel is the best of all parts of our heritage!

My family is so mixed up we're like Heinz!!! In fact, my brother and I are the only black kids that were born from my parents generation - every single one of my cousins is mixed race (either black/white, black/chinese or black/philipino), so whenever we have family get-togethers, there are SO many different cultures in the same place - and I love it! I can't wait for my LO to be brought into a family where there are so many different backgrounds and traditions to explore.

I don't feel that just because my parents happened to marry people of the same race/culture that I MUST make sure that I do everything the Jamaican way. I know my nan is just trying to preserve traditions and practices, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm British, my hubby's British and as long as this child is born here, he/she will be British too, there for we'll do things the way we want and are accustomed to.


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## glamgirl

Neecee said:


> glamgirl said:
> 
> 
> Well, yours/and your friends story is exactly the same that im having... I live at my MILs house along with my husband. I`m from a different culture and my husband is african but born here. His parents are worst, i`ve been having so much problems with them, the way they treat my baby and wants things to be done according to their way.
> We have to pretend we`ve been homeless to the council so that we can get an emergency accomodation which we still waiting. We honestly can`t afford buying a house now so therefore we going through the council and goign through private renting asks you too much money.
> Since i gave birth, it has been really difficult for me to stay with them. His mum always poke his nose at everything i do and wants me to do things the way she wants it to be. The 1st day my baby came home she insisted that my baby should have a very cold bath, which they do in their F***in tradition. It pisses me off so much when i think of that day how she bathed my baby with cold water and was shaking my baby and my poor baby was crying so much and i could not say a word, due to the fact that i stay at their house and because she is my husband mum, i don`t want him to confront me if i be rude to her.
> His dad, is a total Ass***e, he expects me to bring the baby to him everyday, and if i don`t he complains. He is just 2 faced, he pretends to be all holy and deep down he is so selfish.
> They even wanted my baby`s name to be according to what they choose. They insisted that i should put the name in the birth certificate. They all call him that name in the house and im just angry at the fact that i and my husband call my baby the name we chose and them lot always call him the other name, so i get annoyed as i don`t want my baby to be confused.
> Its all complicated living with MIL and it hurts me as my own parents are far away, they are back home and im on me own in here. I haven`t got no one to talk to, and when im speak with my partner he obviously dunno whose side to take and he did try to defend me at some point by saying to his dad that he wants to raise his child the way he wants it to be and his dad tried to hit him that day and threatened him to go out of his house. They are complete bullies, and i just can`t wait to get out of here...
> 
> So that was my long rant, sorry for that. It feels so much better to actually tell it to someone who has some kinda experience about the same situation im going through.
> 
> Big :hug:
> 
> Man! That sounds like the crappiest situation to be in ever!!!! There is NO WAY on god's green earth I would move in with my MIL - she's OK in small doses, but to be permanently under her roof would be too much to cope with especially with a new baby. Luckily for me it's only my nan who likes to put her twopence worth in and I do have my mum to defend me on certain things. Do you and your husband have your own space within their house or are you pretty much at their mercy until you get sorted out? Do you have any idea how much longer you'll be living with them? You can usually get an idea by finding how many points the council have awarded you based on your current living situation.
> 
> I don't really have much knowledge on African culture but I've been to a friends' baby naming ceremony and I do know that they take the whole baby thing very seriously - especially if it's a boy and the WHOLE family get involved in everything.
> 
> Your in-laws really need to respect the fact that your child is dual-heritage and there needs to be a balance of cultures in his life. If you ever wanna have a rant or just someone to talk to, feel free to pm me!
> 
> :hug:Click to expand...

Hello sweetie,

thank you for your reply, well they said that i should dance to their tunes, which is absolutely rubbish... And we do hve a room but its so small, and we dnt hve no privacy, if they need anything they will cme in your room n ask for it, even if its late night... its so annoying.

plus hubby is hardly at hme, he just works and we hardly spend time with each other. its hard for me as all my parents and close people are far away, and i don`t hve much people to talk to.. All i have is OH and he is hardly here anyway.


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## 6lilpigs

What a fascinating thread. Me and OH are both white and luckily neither of our families have tried to push on us their ideas. Although MIL did give our 1st a dummy which I was furious about lol (baby loved it, drat lol). As if its not hard enough to get a home and look after your first child anyway without this kind of interferance. Can you not consider moving to a cheaper area even if it is 150 miles away (250 sounds better lol) nobody needs this kind of pressure.


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## happy&healthy

I'm white, hubby is balck. There have been a few issues--like he doesn't want me to have my laptop on my lap. It must be on the table. Little things like that--nothing major.


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## insomnimama

It's generally good practice not to keep your laptop on your lap- they get too hot. This goes double for men, as it kills off the :spermy: 

Re: cultures- my husband is Latin American and I gave birth in his home country- we came to Canada six months later. I was told all kinds of things to do (massage the baby's nose so it wouldn't be too flat (!!!); have a woman not on her period do the sign of the cross & spit on his forehead to get rid of the demonic influence (colic); put a stocking on his head so it would be more round (was born with a conehead as many babies are, which resolved on its own), etc. etc. 

The one thing I wish I had listened to earlier was advice about giving lukewarm oregano tea for colic- it really does work!


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## Neecee

insomnimama said:


> It's generally good practice not to keep your laptop on your lap- they get too hot. This goes double for men, as it kills off the :spermy:
> 
> Re: cultures- my husband is Latin American and I gave birth in his home country- we came to Canada six months later. I was told all kinds of things to do (massage the baby's nose so it wouldn't be too flat (!!!); *have a woman not on her period do the sign of the cross & spit on his forehead *to get rid of the demonic influence (colic); put a stocking on his head so it would be more round (was born with a conehead as many babies are, which resolved on its own), etc. etc.
> 
> The one thing I wish I had listened to earlier was advice about giving lukewarm oregano tea for colic- it really does work!

Oh hell no!!!! I don't care if they're on their period or not! No spitting on my baby's head, that's for sure!

Well, I've been told things like when the baby starts teething, let them chomp on a chicken bone to stop them crying; a drop of RUM in their milk will make them sleep more soundly (A drop of rum would knock me out!!! Hubby and I don't even drink!); don't keep ANY baby stuff in the house til after it's born or it'll be cursed.

I think a lot of Jamaican traditions come from old african slave traditions and just got passed down from generation to generation. I really don't believe in any of the curses or superstition stuff and I refuse to let anyone go near my baby with ideas of exorcism.


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## insomnimama

Oh I didn't say I FOLLOWED any of the advice :rofl:


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## mrs shine

I'm white and my husband is black african. 

There are many cultural differences between us, not just when it comes to childcare but our whole upbringing and life experiences. So far throughout our marriage we have managed to overcome differences by open discussion, and I hope this will continue when our child is born.

Whilst some of his beliefs are way out there compared to what I believe, I try to remember have no right to belittle them as no doubt he thinks the same about some of my european cultures/beliefs

Spending time in my husband's country taught me an awful lot. It is completely different to what we have here, access to information being the main one. We have tv/information constantly streamed into our houses without us even knowing. There you are lucky to even have electric for a few hours a day. So what they know/learn is what has been passed down through generations and never questioned because they have no means of questioning it and finding out through other methods.

Also the community means so much there, not just immediate family but friends and neighbours. Everyone helps each other out, even when they have nothing to share. Something i believe we have unfortunately lost in this country. 
When it comes to childcare everyone gets involved too, which for us is very difficult to accept as we're used to doing things our own way

I got married in my husbands home country and boy, did he have to do a lot of negotiation with his family over what traditions I would and would not be prepared to participate in!

Glamgirl, your situation sounds particularly difficult being in such close proximity to your in laws and I hope you get your own space very soon. I can't imagine how hard it is without your husband around all the time to help fight your corner. 
Once you get your own place I'm sure they will be brilliant grandparents and be able to help give your child a really good understanding of part of his/her heritage

For me, I'm looking forwards to having a mixed race child and hopefully picking what we believe is the best bits from both cultures. No doubt there will many ups and downs along the way though!

Crikey, didn't intend to write war and peace ;)


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## insomnimama

Good point re: community & family- it is the same in my husband's home country. There were lots of elements that were really nice, but it CAN be overwhelming as a young mama out of her own culture to be told you're doing everything "wrong" and that the "right" way to do it seems "wrong" to you. A girl can get a bit defensive, is all ;-)

However many years later, we seem to have sorted things out enough, and now will be having our second in my home country.


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## flitty

I can't help with the culture aspects as my husband and I are both white, but our grandparents also had some very odd ideas about what to do with babies, including leaving a December baby outside for 2 hours a day!! One technique we've learned over the years on how to deal with wellmeaning advice is to nod, smile and say 'mmm...interesting', and then ignore it and do what you feel is right! It's always worked for us!


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## Neecee

flitty said:


> I can't help with the culture aspects as my husband and I are both white, but our grandparents also had some very odd ideas about what to do with babies, including leaving a December baby outside for 2 hours a day!! One technique we've learned over the years on how to deal with wellmeaning advice is to nod, smile and say 'mmm...interesting', and then ignore it and do what you feel is right! It's always worked for us!

I think that's what we're gonna have to do. Luckily the people who have given us "advice" are far enough away not to know if we take them up on it or not!


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## glamgirl

mrs shine said:


> Glamgirl, your situation sounds particularly difficult being in such close proximity to your in laws and I hope you get your own space very soon. I can't imagine how hard it is without your husband around all the time to help fight your corner.
> Once you get your own place I'm sure they will be brilliant grandparents and be able to help give your child a really good understanding of part of his/her heritage QUOTE]
> 
> Thank you, hope all goes well 4 me...
> 
> how far gone are you?
> 
> big :hug:


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## akamummy

OMG :shock: is all I can say! And I thought my in laws were bad! :lol: Hang in there darl...while I cant help you with the culture thing (as me and DH are both white)...But I have lived in a different country to DH. (I grew up in the Papua New Guinea (an Island above Australia, where its a communal living type of system) And while having your aunty feed your baby on her saggy dummy boobies is a good way to keep baby quiet...I dont think DH would appreciate it! :rofl: They also suck out the snot of baby's nose too, so its not blocked! :sick: Im not saying I do that! But, I can understand a little of different cultures etc...
So hang in there sweets, I know its hard, but Im sure once you pick out the bits of her culture what you would like to follow she will be happy! :flower:


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## Neecee

akamummy said:


> OMG :shock: is all I can say! And I thought my in laws were bad! :lol: Hang in there darl...while I cant help you with the culture thing (as me and DH are both white)...But I have lived in a different country to DH. (I grew up in the Papua New Guinea (an Island above Australia, where its a communal living type of system) And while having your *aunty feed your baby on her saggy dummy boobies *is a good way to keep baby quiet...I dont think DH would appreciate it! :rofl: *They also suck out the snot of baby's nose too, so its not blocked*! :sick: Im not saying I do that! But, I can understand a little of different cultures etc...
> So hang in there sweets, I know its hard, but Im sure once you pick out the bits of her culture what you would like to follow she will be happy! :flower:

Oh you are joking!!!:sick:

I kinda understand that if your baby's nose is totally blocked you gotta do what you gotta do, but having him/her hanging off someone elses tits!!!! Uh-uh.[-X


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## akamummy

:rofl::rofl: No Im actually quite serious!!!!!!!! My mum said that an old family friend (which we call aunty) came over to our place and I was crying (when I was a baby) and she stuck her wrinkly old bobby in my mouth to use like a dummy/pacifier! :shock: (needless to say I almost fell off my chair when she told me!:shock: )


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## Neecee

akamummy said:


> :rofl::rofl: No Im actually quite serious!!!!!!!! My mum said that an old family friend (which we call aunty) came over to our place and I was crying (when I was a baby) and she stuck her wrinkly old bobby in my mouth to use like a dummy/pacifier! :shock: (needless to say I almost fell off my chair when she told me!:shock: )

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I bet that's a sobering image for you!


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## Rachiebaby24

Im white and my OH is black (bajan/jamaican) so I will be having a mixed race baby&#8230;luckily his parents live in Barbados so the interference is not there but I do find that I do get some nonsense from people, some random and some I know&#8230;.for example&#8230;.recognising that my baby will be half black seems to offend some white people&#8230;.as if by having a mixed race baby im trying to make myself black and turning my back on white people (this was a comment from someone because I mentioned that I was learning how to cook curry goat &#8211; well why shouldn&#8217;t i? I like eating it, I live with a black man who eats it &#8211; why shouldn&#8217;t I learn how to cook it&#8230;.my boyfriend can cook a fry-up without being commented on!!!! ???!!! And I also get some comments from black people like &#8220;here is another white girl having a black baby&#8221;&#8230;.I want my baby to know, learn and be proud of both the cultures she is part of &#8230;&#8230;to eat bangers n mash and curry goat :rofl:


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## akamummy

Good on you girl rachiebaby! I agree with you! :rofl: curry goat! That sounds funny! Dont ask me why! :roll: hormones! :rofl: 
Goat is actually lovely! snotts to those people who make judgemental comments! :lol:


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## Neecee

Rachiebaby24 said:


> Im white and my OH is black (bajan/jamaican) so I will be having a mixed race babyluckily his parents live in Barbados so the interference is not there but I do find that I do get some nonsense from people, some random and some I know.for example.recognising that my baby will be half black seems to offend some white people.as if by having a mixed race baby im trying to make myself black and turning my back on white people (this was a comment from someone because I mentioned that I was learning how to cook curry goat  well why shouldnt i? I like eating it, I live with a black man who eats it  why shouldnt I learn how to cook it.my boyfriend can cook a fry-up without being commented on!!!! ???!!! And I also get some comments from black people like here is another white girl having a black baby.I want my baby to know, learn and be proud of both the cultures she is part of to eat bangers n mash and curry goat :rofl:

:happydance:*ROUND OF APPLAUSE*:happydance:

And why the hell shouldn't you learn how to cook curry goat?

(let me know when you do coz I can't cook it so I'll send some tupperware round to yours...)


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## Rachiebaby24

ha ha ha i can do curry goat so far (but dont feel very confident about it) and i do a nice pepperpot soup but i cannot for the life of me.....cook RICE and PEAS!!! Urgh when i do it its so disgusting I have given up!

On another note...i was actually asked by a white woman i used to work with the other day - how do i feel about my baby not going to look like me....??

I was confused so i said well she will look like me and then i clicked.....so i said to her - what do you mean, how do i feel about my baby not being the same colour as me.....?

and she sheepishly said yes.....i was quite annoyed but then i thought its just ignorance and that it was a general question...so i told her well i dotn feel anything...obviously when i had sex with my boyf i knew that my baby would be half of him (and he is someone i love regardless of his colour)....and then i asked her that if when she had her children...if they had come out purple would she care or love them any less....and she said no..... so i said exactly!!! 

The only things that enter my mind about having a mixed race baby is bloody hell, i have to learn to plait hair....cos im crap at it and if her hair is wild...it will need to be tamed!!! ha ha


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## Neecee

Rachiebaby24 said:


> The only things that enter my mind about having a mixed race baby is bloody hell, i have to learn to plait hair....cos im crap at it and if her hair is wild...it will need to be tamed!!! ha ha

Cornrowing hair. Another thing I can't do.:shy: Shame on me.

I guess some people are genuinely, maybe even innocently ignorant to other races and cultures. It may seem odd to you and me that she would ask you such a question, but it obviously crossed her mind as being a questionable issue. And the thing is, you never know how mixed race kids will come out. My mum's mixed race but she's taken my nan's colouring rather than my grandad's (he's jamaican too, but he's white) whereas my mum's sisters kids are all mixed race but one of them you'd NEVER know he had any black in him at all! Then you get some who are just in between. Either way, I love em all and they're all gorgeous in my eyes! And they were all beautiful babies too!


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## PeanutBean

I say celebrate the genetic diversity of your babies! I just don't get the mentality of people who have issues with the colour of people's skin. And for Rachiebaby, why shouldn't your baby look like you just because it's skin tone will be different? Like that's the only physical feature that makes up what a person looks like? What was that woman thinking when she asked that? People are so stupid...


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## Neecee

We have some weird ideas and mentalities. In the caribbean, I know there tends to still be a tendancy to favour lighter skinned people over darker skinned. Eventhough my mum and her sisters all have the same parents, my mum came out the darkest and her youngest sister came out really light. Because of that, my great-grandmother (who was REAL old school) always favoured my aunty over my mum. And whilst my mum was growing up, my great-gran alway told her "Never marry anyone blacker than you!"
Needless to say, she married my dad who was darker than her! She'd probably have a fit if she were still alive and saw my hubby coz he's darker than me too!

I really want to make sure my child doesn't pick up some of the ignorant attitudes that some of our jamaican relatives have. I really don't want relatives coming up to me telling me whether or not my child has "good hair" or asking if the child's skin will get darker or not, or telling me not to go out in the sun with the baby in case he/she gets "black-up"! Ugh, I really don't need that.

Sorry for the rant. It bugs me.


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## Rachiebaby24

I think alot of people are ignorant...when my mum was pregenant with my little brother (who is mixed race), she told my aunt she was preggo and the first thing she said was "is it black"......like what would it matter!! 

I cannot cornrow to save my life but my friend is going to teach me.


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## Rachiebaby24

Neecee said:


> We have some weird ideas and mentalities. In the caribbean, I know there tends to still be a tendancy to favour lighter skinned people over darker skinned. Eventhough my mum and her sisters all have the same parents, my mum came out the darkest and her youngest sister came out really light. Because of that, my great-grandmother (who was REAL old school) always favoured my aunty over my mum. And whilst my mum was growing up, my great-gran alway told her "Never marry anyone blacker than you!"
> Needless to say, she married my dad who was darker than her! She'd probably have a fit if she were still alive and saw my hubby coz he's darker than me too!
> 
> I really want to make sure my child doesn't pick up some of the ignorant attitudes that some of our jamaican relatives have. I really don't want relatives coming up to me telling me whether or not my child has "good hair" or asking if the child's skin will get darker or not, or telling me not to go out in the sun with the baby in case he/she gets "black-up"! Ugh, I really don't need that.
> 
> Sorry for the rant. It bugs me.

I know exactly what you mean.....my ex boyfriend's family were like that...they all favoured the lighter skinned and thought they were cuter than the darker skinned....

I remember when i was at school and the mixed race kids would always hang out with the black kids and tend to favour their black side....it used to irritate me because i would think but you are half white too....I remember one boy used to go on and on about how his dad was rasta and i said to him once yeah and your mum is as white as me and he nearly beat me up!! I want my child to be proud of both sides, the black and white, and to remember that. Why cant you just be a person!


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## Neecee

Rachiebaby24 said:


> Why cant you just be a person!

Because we're colonial creatures of habit.


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## Rachiebaby24

It just really bugs me!! Especially when people think or assume certain things just becasue im having a mixed race baby.....like they suddenly expect me to start calling her my pickni.....i know there are some girls like that (especially in my area where i live) but really not all people are the same. Even my OH notices we get certain looks when we are out. I mean come on.....its 2008......!! Who cares what colour your child is....you would love it all the same. My OH's other two children are full black but I know that my OH will love our baby just as much as his other two....because they are his children...nothing to do with their colour. 

It the same with my brothers.....my two brothers are mixed and my sister is white....people always feel like they have to tell me they are my half brothers.....well no.....they came out the same vagina...sucked on the same boob...and we all live together.....so therefore to me they are just my BROTHERS and i love them just as much as my sister.....i know its not always intentional....ignorance is not always nastyily intended...some people just really dont have a clue but it does wind me up sometimes.


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## PeanutBean

Neecee said:


> Rachiebaby24 said:
> 
> 
> Why cant you just be a person!
> 
> Because we're colonial creatures of habit.Click to expand...

Sad but true!

I endeavour to choose my prejudices based on attributes that people have some choice over, you know, like being mean, selfish, whatever!


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## Neecee

PeanutBean said:


> Neecee said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Rachiebaby24 said:
> 
> 
> Why cant you just be a person!
> 
> Because we're colonial creatures of habit.Click to expand...
> 
> Sad but true!
> 
> I endeavour to choose my prejudices based on attributes that people have some choice over, you know, like being mean, selfish, whatever!Click to expand...

Exactly. You can't change the colour of your skin.


(actually, maybe you can nowadays...)


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## PeanutBean

Neecee said:


> Exactly. You can't change the colour of your skin.
> 
> 
> (actually, maybe you can nowadays...)

I think Michael Jackson is a good example why it's best not to!


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## Neecee

PeanutBean said:


> Neecee said:
> 
> 
> Exactly. You can't change the colour of your skin.
> 
> 
> (actually, maybe you can nowadays...)
> 
> I think Michael Jackson is a good example why it's best not to!Click to expand...

Yeah, but he's got _issues_.


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## winterbabe

Oh my wooord! Mixed race kids are the cuuuttest! Curly lil hair and all that! And there is no guarantee that your baby will ever be born with the same complexion as you! Some people are just ignorant! Its a shame :(

Im black my hubby is arab! And parents of course always putting their two cents in! Im sure itl be worse when baby is actually born! My gran keeps warning me not to get too many ultrasound scans!! hahahaha!! It might be dangerous for the baby! I try to explain its sound waves etc.... My plan is to nod and smile, then do whatever I feel is right! They mean well though so I guess thats what we have to remember!!


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## LaDY

Hey ladies...im indian born in England and my partner is black born in Africa...We used to have alot of disagreements at first...different beliefs and different cultures...but some how we have learnt to manage them...we actually sat down and had a talk about our LO and his upbringing and talked about how we have to work as a team to make this work as unfortunatly i don't have my familys support as they were against my relationship and the baby so really its just me...him and my wonderful baby...x


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## Holly21

I think all babies of all races and colours are beautiful - some people just need an attitude adjustment. Myself and my OH are both white UK and are lucky enough not to have any cultural issues to contend with (can't imagine how tricky it must be for some of you to deal with all that as well as everything else that goes with pregnancy and babies - although how lovely for your babies to have 2 cultures to identify with). 

We get a lot of interference from my Grandma, who is obviously of a different generation and keeps on telling me 'it would be better for you never to have a child than for it to go to nursery'! We were cared for by various grandparents when my mum worked but we don't have any relatives who are free to do so and wouldn't ask them anyway as they're all busy, so nursery it will have to be when I go back to earn the pennies after maternity leave. As mentioned above, it's your baby and as Mummy, you decide what's best (well, at least until those difficult teenage years.....) :hug:


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## Neecee

LaDY said:


> Hey ladies...im indian born in England and my partner is black born in Africa...We used to have alot of disagreements at first...different beliefs and different cultures...but some how we have learnt to manage them...we actually sat down and had a talk about our LO and his upbringing and talked about how we have to work as a team to make this work as unfortunatly i don't have my familys support as they were against my relationship and the baby so really its just me...him and my wonderful baby...x

Sorry to hear you haven't got the support from your side of the family. I hope you've got a good support network from elsewhere - otherwise, there's always the wonderful BnB members!

:hug:


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## LaDY

Aww thankyou...it is something that i expected really but if anything it has made me even more determined than i was before to really work hard at my relationship...as i think people are waiting for my relationship to fall apart due to the cultural differences but we won't let it get inbetween us. Its funny though i really thought i would be lonely but since my LO has come along i see life so differently...my LO is my everything and again like my community would expect me not only to fail in my relationship they are also expecting me to fail as a mother because i dont have them but they have never been so wrong:)...im happy and proud of my partner and my LO...and yeah we have our ups and downs and i have my moments when i want to scream and cry but i guess thats in any relationship...i know he loves me despite anything...and we love out LO more than anything which makes a family xxxxxx


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## insomnimama

LaDY,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are lacking support from your respective families. As much as my DH and I have complained when our respective sides have interfered, it has been so valuable to have their love & support. 

I think the things that have challenged DH & I the most haven't been so much cultural differences as personality differences- at the end of the day it will be your love of each other that will pull you through any difficult situation and back to the happy times you enjoyed in the first place. :hugs:


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## LaDY

Thank u hunny xx


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## nettie

Neecee said:


> glamgirl said:
> 
> 
> Well, yours/and your friends story is exactly the same that im having... I live at my MILs house along with my husband. I`m from a different culture and my husband is african but born here. His parents are worst, i`ve been having so much problems with them, the way they treat my baby and wants things to be done according to their way.
> We have to pretend we`ve been homeless to the council so that we can get an emergency accomodation which we still waiting. We honestly can`t afford buying a house now so therefore we going through the council and goign through private renting asks you too much money.
> Since i gave birth, it has been really difficult for me to stay with them. His mum always poke his nose at everything i do and wants me to do things the way she wants it to be. The 1st day my baby came home she insisted that my baby should have a very cold bath, which they do in their F***in tradition. It pisses me off so much when i think of that day how she bathed my baby with cold water and was shaking my baby and my poor baby was crying so much and i could not say a word, due to the fact that i stay at their house and because she is my husband mum, i don`t want him to confront me if i be rude to her.
> His dad, is a total Ass***e, he expects me to bring the baby to him everyday, and if i don`t he complains. He is just 2 faced, he pretends to be all holy and deep down he is so selfish.
> They even wanted my baby`s name to be according to what they choose. They insisted that i should put the name in the birth certificate. They all call him that name in the house and im just angry at the fact that i and my husband call my baby the name we chose and them lot always call him the other name, so i get annoyed as i don`t want my baby to be confused.
> Its all complicated living with MIL and it hurts me as my own parents are far away, they are back home and im on me own in here. I haven`t got no one to talk to, and when im speak with my partner he obviously dunno whose side to take and he did try to defend me at some point by saying to his dad that he wants to raise his child the way he wants it to be and his dad tried to hit him that day and threatened him to go out of his house. They are complete bullies, and i just can`t wait to get out of here...
> 
> So that was my long rant, sorry for that. It feels so much better to actually tell it to someone who has some kinda experience about the same situation im going through.
> 
> Big :hug:
> 
> Man! That sounds like the crappiest situation to be in ever!!!! There is NO WAY on god's green earth I would move in with my MIL - she's OK in small doses, but to be permanently under her roof would be too much to cope with especially with a new baby. Luckily for me it's only my nan who likes to put her twopence worth in and I do have my mum to defend me on certain things. Do you and your husband have your own space within their house or are you pretty much at their mercy until you get sorted out? Do you have any idea how much longer you'll be living with them? You can usually get an idea by finding how many points the council have awarded you based on your current living situation.
> 
> I don't really have much knowledge on African culture but I've been to a friends' baby naming ceremony and I do know that they take the whole baby thing very seriously - especially if it's a boy and the WHOLE family get involved in everything.
> 
> Your in-laws really need to respect the fact that your child is dual-heritage and there needs to be a balance of cultures in his life. If you ever wanna have a rant or just someone to talk to, feel free to pm me!
> 
> :hug:Click to expand...

Neecee, glamgirl: married to an African and a bit familiar with Senegalese culture, let me tell you that your parents in law can hardly understand some things like "dual-heritage": in most of African cultures, there is nothing like mixed children: once you are married, you became a part of your husband family and nation, with all is customs, beliefs and traditions. I.E, if you married a Nigerian Ibo, eventhough you are an American, you became an Ibo woman, and your children are Ibos as well. Following the African way, it is always and only your husband (and his parents and elder brothers and cousins concerned), who is deciding how many children you´ll have, what will be their names (usually names of your husbnd´s parents), which school they´re going to attend etc. . You may not like it, you may even arrange he situation somehow else with your husband, but in fact, marrying an African, you are always marrying the whole family.


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## nettie

Rachiebaby24 said:


> i was actually asked by a white woman i used to work with the other day - how do i feel about my baby not going to look like me....?

 :rofl:

People are soooo fool :rofl: ... you should ask them, how do they know about your baby look? I have two mixed-race children; the elder one is, true, not resembling to me at all, but the younger one looks just like my aunt (and me, naturally :blush: ) , only _a bit_ swarther...


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## Roo

Hi there, 

My partner is black african and I am white british, we're expecting our first baby in May next year. He was born in Ghana, but lived in belgium for most of his childhood before coming to London 8 years ago. 

Culturally a few things have come up, the first which is a really big thing for him is that if we have a boy he should be circumcised. The second thing is where we live, I'm kind of dubious that having a mixed race child in South London is going to be a good thing, the schools here are not so good and I would hate for our child to fall in with a bad crowd. I'd like to move back to my home town outside of London once the child is old enough to go to school, he's obviously not so keen on that as he hates the idea of being surrounded by all my old friends and family. I think generally I'm more relaxed as a person than he is, he's very set on traditional ways of doing things, but generally if we talk things through we manage to come to an understanding. 

Really more than anything I worry about the prejudice our child may face, and the negitivity I will get by being yet another white woman with a mixed race child. I've a few friends in a similar situation and they have had quite a bit of abuse at the hands of both white and black people who have an issue with it. Saying that though all my friends and family are being hugely supportive and I'm looking forward to seeing our gorgeous little bundle next year!


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## lammy456

my OH is iranian, got strict rules on what can eat and where can go ie. pubs and things, but to me it all seems relatively sensible apart from he is sooooo pushy and bossy i think its because his job he is owner manager and thinks he can bring that home though i have reminded him i am not his employee haha he listens...reluctantly.


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## Neecee

Roo said:


> Hi there,
> 
> I'm kind of dubious that having a mixed race child in South London is going to be a good thing, the schools here are not so good and I would hate for our child to fall in with a bad crowd. I'd like to move back to my home town outside of London

I'm exactly the same! I'm not from London and I REALLY don't want to bring up my son in Croydon at all! Croydon has the highest rate of knife crime at the moment (so I heard on BBC Radio London yesterday) and I really think my son would have a better chance of success in life outside the city.

However, moving back home would mean being nearer to all the old jamaican relatives and their archaic ways of bringing up children....


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## Decosta1228

The wife and I will be expecting a mixed race baby. I'm half jamaican/trinidadian (but born in england) and she's full white english). I also live with my in-laws, but I don't think we'll get any problems from them or my side. If I did, I would tell them to politely f off. It's our baby and we'll raise it our way.

As for food, it will get to know the west indian side of cooking. Oh and for the poster that cooks curry goat (cool, even I don't know how to cook that). The wife loves fried plantain and I love, love chicken/beef roti. The child will also love pepper/hot sauce too :). No child of mine will deny the homemade sauce :p

We should have a reciepe corner :)

Also have you also noticed that quite alot of models out there that are really stunning are mixed race, I can't think of many but a classic one is Tyson 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyson_Beckford

In summary, I don't think we'll have any problems with advice.


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## mrs shine

Roo said:


> Culturally a few things have come up, the first which is a really big thing for him is that if we have a boy he should be circumcised.

My husband is West African too, we've had this debate as well!

When are you due?


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## Faerie

I'm white British. My DH's mother is Mexican, his father is Italian/Swiss German and DH was brought up in Switzerland.

We've not had too many clashes yet, although both Mexican and Italian families treat boys like little heros and they're not expected to lift a finger. I'm lucky DH doesn't behave like that unless his mother is around and then he sits on his ass all day. Makes her happy I guess.

We're only 10 weeks in and I have been annoyed a few times, as whenever I voice a query he's like "I'll ask Mama". I guess that's not really cultural specific though?? I have pointed out that she last had a baby 23 years ago.

I know I'll have to keep an eye on her when baby's born, because when she came to stay with my family in the summer she was trying to insist a few weird things about my cousin's baby, including saying she would make her some food because the mother's milk wasn't enough - baby was only just 3 months. My cousin would've flipped. I don't think she'll be too interfering though because her MIL was a complete bitch to her.


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## Vivanco

Hi all!

Im white my OH is black african. We live in the midlands inlaws live in London :happydance:

My OH's sister stayed with us for a week when i 1st had my little girl and i actually cried tears of joy when she left and danced around the house with my DD :rofl: i have never been so happy in my life!! She gave mt daughter her 1st bath while i was sleeping :cry: she kept changing her clothes, she tried to take her into her bed to sleep with her, tried to convince us to change her name!!! OMG i am getting mad remembering it!!!

I struggled to bond with my daughter and i still have a small amount of resentment towards SIL!

MIL very quiet and has been very ill, she just smiles and pats my hand and says mmmmmmmm good girl, sweet, she is a lovely lady, shame about her eldest daughter!!! AAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!


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## moose

I am white and DH is Chinese.

MIL is not allowed near me after the little one is here. With SIL she moved in with her for a month, fed her only chicken broth mixed with rice wine, and wouldn't let her have a bath. MIL tried to feed the baby a hard candy at one point. There is more but I can't remember right now.


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## Neecee

moose said:


> I am white and DH is Chinese.
> 
> MIL is not allowed near me after the little one is here. With SIL she moved in with her for a month, fed her only chicken broth mixed with rice wine, and wouldn't let her have a bath. MIL tried to feed the baby a hard candy at one point. There is more but I can't remember right now.

Ouch! Doesn't sound good!


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## moose

Oops just to clarify she fed SIL the broth and wouldn't let her bathe...not her little one.

I don't know how the SIL did it, cause there is no way in hell I am going to let it happen. DH has fought with her many times over cultural issues, so thank goodness he has my back.

After 11 years of dealing with MIL issues I have found that I just have to laugh...either that or I would have gone nuts. Years of her telling me I am fat, I am a bad homekeeper, bad worker, random home visits (one being the day after our wedding, bring guests that then stayed for 4 days), telling me that my cats were going to commit suicide (wackjob), etc......

It is a damn good thing DH is worth it teehehee!


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## Poppeteer

Very interesting thread.


Me and OH are both arabic, he's born in the uk, I came here as a baby. The whole 'how do we bring LO up' does keep me awake at night, and if i'm honest I'm already dreading the teenage years.

Starting off immediately there are issues with the name, we both want LO to be aware of their heritage and where they come from, but at the same time we don't want him/her to face the prejudice that is around with the whole arab issue after 9/11. But parents want an old style full arab name, which not only can i see LO having problems with but also I just can't see myself calling out across the park!! lol

Then there's the whole how much of our background do we let go? OH and myself are both very much british in our ways and thinking, so how diluted do we let their heritage become? My parents and in-laws are very much arab in their way of thinking and some of the things they come out with when talking about babycare :shock:

It's a toughie and no doubt it won't be plain sailing ahead, but that's part of any parents role, no matter what the race/culture- you take the rough with the smooth.

xxx


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## GlamourPuss

Hi everyone, 
I saw this thread and I just had to register just to respond!!
I am a mother of a 19 weeks old baby girl, I am white/british and my OH is Black African, during my pregnancy there was a lot of..."When u have had the baby you need to put black soap and hot water on your belly to reduce the belly back to normal size" and other such comments. I brought this to my Midwifes attention and she said she had never heard of such thing and that I am to do what I am comfortable with. 
Never the less, when i went into labour and was at the hospital, my boyf was ringing all the family to tell the the news that i was in labour, he is of Muslim faith too, so his Mother was up all night wheni was still in labour up until the baby was born, she was preying for all to be well.
That was fine i was on gas and air so i really didn't care what was goin on, I just wanted my little girl to arrive safely and to be well.

When I had my little girl and I went home, his mother came up to visit after a day of me being at home and she wanted to give her an African bath, this had already been discussed between me and my OH as she wouldn't be in town for long so we decided to keep her happy and do the bath. It involved stuff that was diff to me, warmer water bath with my own sponger and soap and Palm Oil being smothered over baby...I was upset about it, but she did talk me through it and she said that she wouldn't do anything to the hurt the baby as she is a mother herself and did this with all her children, (all 3) so i thought OK its just one time and she won't remember it. Everything went ok but that is as far as the ineterfering went up until the naming ceremony after 7 days. I am of no religion or faith and still i complied to their ways, dressing in African attire, helping to choose mulsim and Nigerian names. That wasn't that bad, i was just too tired to really get into it as I had an 18 hourt labor and no sleep!
Anyways another thing was baby has to be breastfed, which was fine as I wanted to do the same. I only managed a month though as i wasn't happy about how much food she was getting, I don't think she was getting enough!!
So i decided to put her on Formula.
I think I'm swaying off topic here, but i just wanna say that those of you who are expecting or have probs with the in-laws, grit your teeth and bare it, obviously if it gets too much talk to them about it cos they may not think anything is wrong and in their roundabout way they are prob just trying to help you.
I know its hard...i'm living the situation myself. Soon i'll be asking how to cope with my girls afro hair!!!


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## Logiebear

I'm sorry I haven't read the thread so don't know if some one has already said this but I don't think that is a strictly cultural difference hun. Maybe old fashioned but not just cultural. My entire family and inlaws are all white british but everyone has different views on how they did things when they had their babies. And they always say the same things "It never did you any harm did it" which makes me laugh as things are so different. 

This is my 4th baby and the advice etc that they give now compared to when I had my 1st 11yrs ago is shocking. So although I'm sure there are some strong cultural links for your family I don't think the issues you descirbed in your original post are just that hun xxx :hugs:


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## GlamourPuss

^^
I don't think u quite understand the whole thing cos as u say your from a completely white/british background. Some of the advice given to us from different cultures or backgrounds can be daunting, especially if you haven't heard of them before.!! I'm not trying to have a go but i don't think u quite get the situation!


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## massacubano

I would say that most of my Husband's family is in Cuba. They are not around to really add too much to the Cubano influence in the family. We did just get back from visiting his brother who came to the USA in late 2005. He lives about 3-4 hours drive north. 

I have always gotten the kids to try Cuban foods and we started to have a classic Christmas my families style, it was going to be a year of mine, then yours *but OH likes mine!*. 

We have the kids open gifts in the wee hours of the 25th! Cuban culture usually has them open gifts at 12:00 am "Noche Buena" (good night). I find it horrible to get excited kids to sleep at 1:00 am! So, waking for "santa" seems much better.


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## Ducky77

Well my DH and I born from the same country Indonesia but I have 100% chinese blood and my DH is mixed race between dutch and javanesse (native indonesian)

luckily we both live in US so both parents only stay couple months here and never came to visit at the same time. Tried one time for both mom to come for our wedding and it was a disaster, no more mommy and MIL at the same time.

When my son was born,my mom came to help me for 6 months, and there were alot of advice that I can't follow like...I couldn't take a bath for 1 months because I might get sick and the sickness will be continue following me and I have to be at home all the time for 1 month too and from my in laws, she told us to put a small scisor under my son's pillow if he kept crying all the time without reason.

But there were also alot of advice that we can follow from them because it still uptodate with what the doctor and modern knowledge tell us.

So I told them at 1 point that I won't follow all their advice if my doctor wasn't agree to it.And it work very good for me :) when ever I told them doctor say no, they will keep quiet :rofl: so I always used that reason to bargain with them.


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## countessbump

well, you don't have to be of colour to be mixed race..... I am half Polish, 3/8 French-canadian, and 1/8 scottish. My OH is 1/8 indian, most of the rest welsh and a drop of irish (from circa 1845!) If Bump turns out to be darker than both of us, I won't be looked at sideways! LOL Bump will be 1/4 Polish, 1/6 Scottish, 3/16 French-canadian, 1/16 Indian, and the rest Welsh.

We will teach Bump about each culture - and foods (yum)- that make up our background...


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## Neecee

countessbump said:


> well, you don't have to be of colour to be mixed race..... I am half Polish, 3/8 French-canadian, and 1/8 scottish. My OH is 1/8 indian, most of the rest welsh and a drop of irish (from circa 1845!) If Bump turns out to be darker than both of us, I won't be looked at sideways! LOL Bump will be 1/4 Polish, 1/6 Scottish, 3/16 French-canadian, 1/16 Indian, and the rest Welsh.
> 
> We will teach Bump about each culture - and foods (yum)- that make up our background...

Wow! What a mix! You could call your baby Heinz! (57 varieties!)


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## mz_jackie86

Im white (english scottish german) and Babies dad is mixed race (mum white and dad is black, not sure where from tho) but we are both british!
There is no cultural differences and the only things we dont agree on his the names his tend to be more cultural and mine are better if i do say so myself lol!!!
The only thing is ma mum and nan always kinda refer as decision making as "we" and its not its me me me lol...

Some of you ladies are good to just smile and bear it, cos if it was me i wud tell them where to go! Like someone said its your baby and regardless of what anyone says its your decision, dnt make the mistake of letting someone take over as when they're older you will regret it!!

xx


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## countessbump

yup, but my background is common in canada - not necessarily the countries but the number of cultures. EVERYONE in Canada is an immigrant if you go back even a few generations, and it's no big deal there. So many people move around for work etc. that even 'ethnic' communities aren't as insular as they are here. I have been to numerous foodie festivals - Greek days, Italy days, Chinese new year, Jamaican festivals, you name it, and there have never been any problems with other ethnic groups trying to ruin the fun. 

In Vancouver, where I'm from, there is a 'Little Italy' where there are lots of italian restaurants, delis etc and where many italians used to live but in the last 20 years, there is a large Croatian community coming in, and there have been no incidents - even after a Croatia - Italy football match - the police thought there would be and had the riot squad out, but there wasn't so much as raspberry blown at the losing side. Each ethnic group knows each other and live together.


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## bootyb

Lol im havin a mixed race baby but my ex parents aint involved. i have more trouble wit my own family lol. they are mostly traditional southern africans. like my mum not agreein on the names i want o pick if i have a boi. i picked MeKenzie Chad, but she dont like it. Nd her aunty sayin that i shud breast-feed its custom my foot! If i decide i want to breast its my choice not someone else's. Aslo things like i cant but too many clothes for bubba is here. Thats 'our' tradition. im sorry but if i want to buy my baby clothes i will buy as many as i like. Also things like the baby shud wear beads around their waist until they break off, which means they will probably have to get really tight baby they break off. No F***in way im i puttin my child thru that. Oh by the way im black british lol.


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## Neecee

bootyb said:


> Lol im havin a mixed race baby but my ex parents aint involved. i have more trouble wit my own family lol. they are mostly traditional southern africans. like my mum not agreein on the names i want o pick if i have a boi. i picked MeKenzie Chad, but she dont like it. Nd her aunty sayin that i shud breast-feed its custom my foot! If i decide i want to breast its my choice not someone else's. Aslo things like i cant but too many clothes for bubba is here. Thats 'our' tradition. im sorry but if i want to buy my baby clothes i will buy as many as i like. Also things like the baby shud wear beads around their waist until they break off, which means they will probably have to get really tight baby they break off. No F***in way im i puttin my child thru that. Oh by the way im black british lol.

I'm not african but I've heard of the waist beads thing. I imagine it'd have to get quite tight in order to break off on its own.


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## insomnimama

I'd be tempted to "help it along" a little bit. :rofl: I know that's not the point, though. The one concession I gave to my in-laws was putting a red beaded bracelet with a seed to ward off the evil eye (figured what could it hurt). 

Things I WISH I'd listened to: using something to gently bind my waist after the birth (you can bet I'll be doing that this time- it's just a regular old excercise belt but let's hope it works) and giving the baby oregano tea for colic (did eventually get around to this but wish I had done it earlier- it works for grown-ups too!).


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## adzuki

I am Canadian white (German background) and my OH is Japanese (born and bred - we met over there). I am really intrigued by this thread, as we haven't told our parents yet (waiting for it to be a Christmas present), because we are dreading cultural conflicts. I am lucky in that I taught elementary school over there, so I know some of the child rearing philosophies and we've already talked about it, so that's good. I also bought a japanese pregnancy magazine to help us out. His parents tend to be quite respectful of me and my odd ways, but it is, in a way, disrespectful. On some level, they think he married "up" because he married a caucasian anglophone - like that will give our kids advantages in this world. That will only be the case though if the kids don't live in Japan! Then there is the whole thing of "haafu" (half/mixed) babies are so cute. I am not giving birth to a doll, thank you very much. Sigh. There are definitely fundamental differences that I am not looking forward to. Still, so far OH and I seem to be on the same page. Who knows after the baby is born though!!! 

Good luck ladies! At least for us, the cultural differences are obvious and expected!!! 

HUGS! 
A


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## mrs shine

My husband's culture practices the waist beads thing too, but not til they break off. It's only for girls and you wear them till adolesence but keep expanding it as you grow. They believe it gives the girls nice curves.
Binding my waist after childbirth, my MIL and husband have talked to me about that, I'm well up for giving that a go , anything to make my tummy nice and flat again!


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## GlamourPuss

mrs shine said:


> My husband's culture practices the waist beads thing too, but not til they break off. It's only for girls and you wear them till adolesence but keep expanding it as you grow. They believe it gives the girls nice curves.
> Binding my waist after childbirth, my MIL and husband have talked to me about that, I'm well up for giving that a go , anything to make my tummy nice and flat again!


My OH is nigerian, i have never heard of this b4...is it just a practise for the South Africans..please tell me what these beads are about...:hug:


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## mrs shine

They practise it in quite a few african countries, my husband is Sierra Leonean even within his country the different tribes do it in different ways. Some put it on girls and boys, sometimes it's just thread and no beads, some take it off earlier than others. As far as I know each tribe has it's own reason for doing so. My SIL is in her late twenties and still choses to wear hers.


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## Neecee

mrs shine said:


> My husband's culture practices the waist beads thing too, but not til they break off. It's only for girls and you wear them till adolesence but keep expanding it as you grow. They believe it gives the girls nice curves.
> Binding my waist after childbirth, my MIL and husband have talked to me about that, I'm well up for giving that a go , anything to make my tummy nice and flat again!

Is the waist binding thing meant to help bring your tummy muscles back together? That sounds like a cultural tradition I wouldn't mind adopting...:blush:


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## mrs shine

Yes apparently the waist binding helps you regain your shape quicker. From what I understand it is just material that you wrap around your tummy. 
I've not yet got the low down on how you do it, I'll keep you posted


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## Neecee

mrs shine said:


> Yes apparently the waist binding helps you regain your shape quicker. From what I understand it is just material that you wrap around your tummy.
> I've not yet got the low down on how you do it, I'll keep you posted

Oooh thank you! I'm sure it won't only be africans who'll be interested in that one!


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## GlamourPuss

yeah think its too late for me though...but i still have my waist


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## GlamourPuss

Hi guys please check Sell, Wanted, For Sale section...i have items for sale


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## mummypeanut

Hi, this thread has been so interesting!

I'm white english mum/scottish dad and my other half is white mum english/dad welsh, first language welsh. There are some cultural differences in relgious practice (methodist welsh/kirk of scotland/ catholic and CoE) and belief and a few supersticions. 

My family has given me a luckenbooth to ward off evil spirits (it was mine when i was a baby - its a brooch thingie). I like the tradition even if i dont believe in it personally, the biggest issue is satisfying all the of the families relgious expectations when we're not reglious and they all believe 'the other lot' are wrong.

I was interested to see a couple of people mentioning circumsician. I just thought id mention that my freinds have had a baby (mum turkish muslim and dad white british/Hungarian). 

When he was born they decided not to circumsise as the mum isnt a 'practising muslim' although still identifies as a muslim (Same as the christians here that go to church on special occasions but not other time).

His mums says It's fine while he's in the UK but his mum is extrmeley worried about what will happen when they move back to turkey (theyre planning to). Apparently to be uncircumsised is extremely stigmatised in Turkey, it would effect his marraige prospects and could lead to big problems when he has to go and do his military service. Apparently her nephew wasnt circumsised at birth and he has just been circumsised at 7yrs old (his choice) because of her cousins husband's family putting pressure on them, and because he was getting bullied at school. 


xxx


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