# lost and confused



## pink_phoenix

i dont really know where to start and i hope what i have to say doesnt offend or upset anyone, i will try my best to take everyone into concideration as i type.

at the moment im just over 10 weeks pregnant and feeling very lost and alone. Me and FOB have a very strained relationship at the moment as he wont accept im carrying his child no matter what i say or do. in my mind there isnt anyone else and the baby is 100% his but its tearing me up to have to keep telling him and i just dont want to be doing it for the next 6 months! i must admit i very briefely concidered termination but was so annoyed with my self afterwards i cried for days. For me this is NOT an option altho im not against it i just think the things ive been thru over the past few years and the things i have experienced to do that would be more damaging to my own health. Ive suffered with depression for the best part of 10 years but only sice losing a baby 2 years ago was it bad enough to be medicated and also recently sought counceling.

some days im over the moon and all i can think about is the baby and others i just cant bring myself to talk to anyone and spend all day in bed. 

ive been thinking and reading alot of post on this site and have started to concider adoption. i know that my feeling could change once the baby arrives and i know for some people it looks like the cowards way out but i just dont feel i am emotionaly stable to bring a child into the world. i have great suport at home and with friends even tho i think some may be dissapointed in me if i do decide adoption is the path i want to follow. i think for once in my life i need to think of the bigger picture!! would it be worng of me to deny other loving couples the right to have a baby if i dont think i can provide?? would people think bad of me if i was to give my baby to someone i belive will give him/her a better quality of life than i can???

my head is all over the place and was just wondering if any other people that have experience adoption either adopting or giving there baby for adoption could give me a little advice or maybe even point me in the right direction of proffesionals that could help me. im by no means going to rush into anything and really want to take my time in deciding what will be right for me and the baby.

i have also read posts where some pretty horrendous things have been requestd so im asking you please respect me and my baby and dont send any private message requesting the baby as you will more than likley get a very horrible and rude message in return aswell as being blocked and reported to the admin.

i also appreciate that different people will have different opinions on the subject and also request that my opionion and wanting to do right by the baby is respected and that only people with possitive comments post as i do not wish to be filtering thru lots of mean and hurtful posts when all i want is a little help.

as i said earlier i have tried my best to not offend anyone in this post but if i have i am very sorry it was not my intention so please accept me sincerest appolagies

bec x


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## lilmissbroody

hiya hun,
big :hugs:, sorry that you are feeling this way.
i have only just finished the process of signing of guarianship of a little boy - so not quite adoption and it is a very emotional process.
depending on where you are from could mean a whole heap of differences.
you could go through an agency, an attorney, or even put the baby into foster care until you feel more ready to be a parent. or you could kee and raise the child.
you need to think about this ig though. one of the things you said "who am i to deny the right for a couple to have a child" or something similar. you need to change this way of thinking, just because you to choose to keep a baby, does not mean you are denying someone or a couple the right to hae a baby, that being said it is an amazing gift that someone has entrusted you in taking care of their child.
you also need to think about whether this would be an open or closed adoption. i would urge you to seriosly conside an open adoption, as being in the other side of this, its nice to know that my son can contact his birthmom and not have a great unknown in his life.
one of my best friends was adopted and has always known his birth mom and he says that he feels better knowing her and that it wasnt that she didnt want him, but that she wasnt in the right place to raise him to the best of her ability.

i hope this makes some sense as ive just kinda rambked and not really checked what ive said before posting, but feel free to pm me with any questions or just to chat, i can also give you my email to contact me anytime too. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## pink_phoenix

Hi honey thanks for the reply. I really haven't decied fully what I want to do and as you said about ur friends mum its not that I don't want the baby but I don't feel I could rasie it aswell as I should. And I'd always feel that maybe some one else could have done a better job. I'm not sure u can have an open adoption in the uk I think the family would be all picked and everything would be arranged with out my knowing x x I'd defo prefere an open adoption and maybe I just need to do more research. All the excitement I had nd how I felt towards the baby has gone. And I'm terrified that I'm gonna have scans and feel nothing or even feel nothing once the baby arrives and I know that's not right. 
Thanks again for your reply its very much appreciated x x x x x x x :hugs: x x x x


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## almostXmagic

hi hun, i would say on the contrary to what you said i think that placing a child for adoption is the furthest thing from cowardice. i think its one of the strongest decisions you can make. to put your own feelings aside to give your child the best life possible. never let anyone tell you otherwise. :hugs:


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