# Struggling to stay positive :(



## Jlou89

On 19th January, I went in to labour early at 15+6 days. I first had a bleed at 9 weeks, I went to a&e and was sent for an early scan, where I first my baby's heartbeat fluttering away. I then continued to bleed every so often and wasn't expecting anything good to come of my 12 week scan. So on Christmas eve I went for me scan, and I was so shocked to see my very active baby flipping around. I still didn't feel right, It didn't feel anything like my previous pregnancies. I had excruciating back pain and was still bleeding on and off. I tried to relax and convince myself it was all in my head, but on that dreaded Tuesday, I was meant to go to work but I phoned in and explained I need to go to he hospital. I got there and was sent home with antibiotics to treat another urine infection (the doctor, didn't check me or the baby's hb.) I went home and slept most of the day, picked the kids up from school, done the normal dinner ect, and put them to bed. About 8 O'clock, my waters broke and shortly after my tiny perfect baby was born. I bled a lot and ended up having to have emergency surgery to remove the placenta and had a blood transfusion. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions over the last few months and I have just got my BFP but I'm not feeling pregnant and I'm panicking something will go wrong. The only positive is I haven't got the back pain or the constant urine infection I had in my last pregnancy. 

I haven't been giving a definitive answer as to why it happened, They think the most likely cause is that my placenta didn't attach properly and the bleeding irritated my waters causing them to break. They don't think it was caused by infection although they aren't 100% sure. The other possible cause is incompetent cervix.

Any reassuring rainbows? I so badly want to believe all will be ok but I have a constant doubt in my head :(


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## Sweetkat

I have had two MMCs at 8-9 weeks. Now pregnant again and hoping for the best. Come and join us in pregnancy after a loss. There is a thread for ladies due in Jan/ Feb.

Good luck xxx


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## LDC

I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.

I can completely relate to being scared now you're pregnant again, it's such a natural reaction and emotion to worry and be anxious that something will happen again. 

I'm currently 37+5 and have my section scheduled for next week. Like you, I ended up losing a lot of blood with the delivery of my son and ended up in emergency theatre due to a severe PPH (I'm still convinced I should have had a transfusion as I lost a little over two litres) and manual removal of my placenta. 

I have suffered anxiety throughout this pregnancy, even after the stage that we lost our son, I was (and I guess still am) worried that something will go wrong. 

I have to tell myself "at this exact moment in time, there is no reason for me to be worried" and in the early stages to not think too much about nine months this as it seemed to be a hell of a long time. I ignored my pregnancy in a way until I reached about 25 weeks (I delivered my son at 21+5) and now my pregnancy seems to have flown by. 

Rainbow babies happen, every day. We just have to believe that we are one of those success stories.

Xx


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## Jlou89

Sweetkat said:


> I have had two MMCs at 8-9 weeks. Now pregnant again and hoping for the best. Come and join us in pregnancy after a loss. There is a thread for ladies due in Jan/ Feb.
> 
> Good luck xxx

Thank you Sweetcat, Im so sorry for your losses. Everything crossed me get out Rainbows. When is your due date? x


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## Jlou89

LDC said:


> I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.
> 
> I can completely relate to being scared now you're pregnant again, it's such a natural reaction and emotion to worry and be anxious that something will happen again.
> 
> I'm currently 37+5 and have my section scheduled for next week. Like you, I ended up losing a lot of blood with the delivery of my son and ended up in emergency theatre due to a severe PPH (I'm still convinced I should have had a transfusion as I lost a little over two litres) and manual removal of my placenta.
> 
> I have suffered anxiety throughout this pregnancy, even after the stage that we lost our son, I was (and I guess still am) worried that something will go wrong.
> 
> I have to tell myself "at this exact moment in time, there is no reason for me to be worried" and in the early stages to not think too much about nine months this as it seemed to be a hell of a long time. I ignored my pregnancy in a way until I reached about 25 weeks (I delivered my son at 21+5) and now my pregnancy seems to have flown by.
> 
> Rainbow babies happen, every day. We just have to believe that we are one of those success stories.
> 
> Xx

I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy. I'm trying to stay positive, but everytime I think it'll be ok it creeps back in that it wasn't last time. 

I bet you are so excited to have your rainbow baby in your arms, Im so happy for you and it gives me hope that there is success stories out there.

Most of the time I'm trying not to think about it, just reach each milestone but I don't think I'm fully going to relax until I have my baby in my arms.

If you don't mind me asking, did you find out why you lost your son? I haven't been given a definite answer. I don't know if it would help if I did. I like the idea of living in the moment and to not worry while I have no reason too. So far I have no reason that this pregnancy wont be smooth sailing (fingers crossed)

Cant wait to hear of you little ones arrival. Good luck.:happydance:


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## Sweetkat

Jlou89 said:


> Sweetkat said:
> 
> 
> I have had two MMCs at 8-9 weeks. Now pregnant again and hoping for the best. Come and join us in pregnancy after a loss. There is a thread for ladies due in Jan/ Feb.
> 
> Good luck xxx
> 
> Thank you Sweetcat, Im so sorry for your losses. Everything crossed me get out Rainbows. When is your due date? xClick to expand...

I found out yesterday that am having a third MMC. Should have been 10&4 but baby stopped growing at 10 weeks. So not feeling too good right now either :(

Here is to hoping they find a reason for the losses and fix it.


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## vermeil

Oh no... How awful *gentle hug* very sorry to hear that. Hope you find the cause.


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## Sweetkat

Worst thing is that got this far and was so close for 12 weeks and on top of that no reason for the losses :(


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