# scared beyond end



## needshelp

well ladies, i'm scared to death to be posting here but we just got the dreaded news our baby boy is most likely not going to survive...:( I had a missed miscarriage one month before I fell pregnant with this little guy! I have been soooo stressed...they ruled out trisomy and downs and turners....now they said that he has a hole in the back of his head and fluid all around him after my NT scan....the fluid is making his little body swell...now i'm in the waiting game...I have soo many questions and am hoping someone can tell me what to expect...how do they do a loss this far in??? i'm terrified I will have to have a c section as I did with my first son 1.5 years ago...will this affect future pregnancies...? I dont' want to go through a c section again, esp if I can't have a baby at the end...i'm soo sad, mad, angry...hurt, numb....and sorry for the rant, I have no one to go to at this point as they keep telling me to "keep the hope" though three different docs and genetic specialists pretty much told me he won't survive....:(


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## twinmummy06

I am so, so sorry to hear what you are going through :( Your tickers not working so not sure how far you are exactly. But I'll answer how I delivered at my gestation just incase it's relevant :hugs:

I was 15 weeks and was offered either to medically induce, a D and C (with misoprostal to dilate cervix beforehand) or wait for body to go into natural labour. I have also had 2 previous c-sections. 

I chose the D and C but ended up delivering our daughter naturally before the op.


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## Andypanda6570

I lost Ava at 22 weeks and was supposed to get a D&E I was to far along for a D&C. I was set up for the D&E but I didn't want to go through with it, so i gave birth in my home. I am so sorry you are going through this, it is just devastating. What are they offering you to do? You do whatever you think is best for you. I am so sorry this is happening, it is a nightmare.
XOXOXOOX I am always here if you need a friend, Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## sequeena

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Praying for a miracle :hugs:


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## needshelp

thanks so much girls...right now I'm around 13 weeks. I'm going back at 16 weeks to see the heart and more examination of the hole on his little head....they say the fluid could decrease around him but probably not the fluid causing him to swell....
I'm terrified of this all right now and the wait is going to kill me...
Do you mind me asking the difference between a D and E and a D and C??? I'm just not wanting to go through another c section as I'm fearful this will harm chances I have to get pregnant again in the future...I really want another baby at some point in my life and just feel helpless like this may not be possible for us...:cry:


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## twinmummy06

I *think* the D and C is more scraping the uterus lining, and the D and E is more suction. I could be wrong but that's what I thought the difference was.


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## Andypanda6570

For the D&E you have to go into the Dr. office they insert what they call SeaWeed sticks up into you, what this does is open the cervix so the operation is performed easier . The seaweed sticks are inserted a day before the procedure. You are then put under anesthesia and the baby is pulled out, not in one piece. I got the seaweed sticks a day before and was scheduled to go in the next day for the procedure. I didn't know what a D&E was really, when i googled it I could not do it, so when I was home I started to feel labor pains I went into the shower and pulled some of the sticks out of me, ( Would not recommend doing this to anyone, just telling my story)

I then went into labor and gave birth at home . I was never given the choice to give birth, not sure why, in the states they just want you to do the D&E. 
I will not get into what the D&E was but I could not do it..
Whatever you decide is right for you that is what you do.. XOXOXO
I am so sorry you are going through this :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Just wanted to add I was 22 weeks at the time. I think a D&C can be performed up till 15 weeks..:hugs:


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## sequeena

Oh Andy, my heart goes out to you :cry:


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## Andypanda6570

sequeena said:


> Oh Andy, my heart goes out to you :cry:

:hugs::hugs: Thanks. I just could not believe at the age of 40 i didn't know what a D&E was. I don't like to talk about it here, cause I don't want other women to think it is wrong, it just was not for me is all. Most women here have the procedure , I wanted Ava in one piece. She was coming into the world the way i wanted her to.. XOOXOX All My Love


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## needshelp

thanks for the info, this is all so new to me and a shock. I'm reading up on D&E's and it says they can cause implications for future pregnancies, this is my biggest fear....I do not go back to the doctor until 16 weeks for further assessment so I'm afraid this is going to be my only option....unless the baby has passed on his own quietly and stopped growing....I am not able to birth at home as I had a c section and this is very risky to me as my doctors stated, so I'm scared to no end as to how this is all going to turn out...I have 3 weeks to wait until a decision ccan be made, trying to work and take care of my 19 month old is proving beyond exhausting as I sort through all this...


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## twinmummy06

I know when I was offered the medical induction I was told I would have to stay in hospital for it. Maybe they can offer that to you? So you get to birth safely in hospital incase anything goes wrong.


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## needshelp

i'd love to do that but they said given I had a csection previously, that would probably be the case again...a vbac is very uncommon here especially in this case....:(


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## twinmummy06

Baby is much much smaller at this stage to birth. If it makes it easier to visualise - I didn't even need to push for baby to come out, once i had dilated some (not sure how far but certainly wasnt 10cm) I just stood up and gravity did the rest :(
I'd say make it known what you want to do.


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## Mahoghani

D&E - Dilation and Evacuation. D&C - Dilation and Cutterege. Basically the second one is suction and scraping the lining of the uterus clean because there isn't much tissue that is substantial before 10 weeks. The first they have to physically "go in and pull everything out" is how my OB put it. It depends on your situation but even at 14 weeks (when my son stopped growing) they would have done a D&E for me because after 12 the baby starts developing bones and such. She tried to be sensitive but there is no good way to put any of that. Also, in that case, you won't be allowed to see the baby as it will not be... intact. I ended up having to have a D&C anyway but my son was born first and I got to say goodbye. It was a traumatic experience but I don't think I'd have been able to forgive myself if I hadn't gone through giving birth to him. But do whatever is right for you.


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## Mahoghani

Also, I had a cesarean with my first child. I gave birth to Silver without problem. They weren't even worried about it. Did you have the bikini line scar or the vertical. If you have one that runs along your pubic bone behind your bikini line, it's usually safe to have a VBAC. It's the other kind that are dangerous. And they almost never do those unless you have serious complications that makes it imparative to get the baby out quickly. Perhaps TMI but I had blood clots that were bigger than Silver was. I didn't even realize I had given birth at first. You can't imagine how tiny they are at this age.


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