# Is it rude to ask for money instead of gifts??



## leash27

So OH and I are looking at how we want to word our invitations. As we are funding the majority of our wedding ourselves, we are not doing the traditional 'the brides parents would like to invite you' etc etc. I think this is quite common now isnt it?

Anyhow, whilst doing this we got to talking about wedding gifts and how the last couple of weddings we have attended the couple have asked for cash. They tend to include a little poem in the invite basically saying they don't need anything and cash would be appreciated for their honeymoon or whatever (obviously they word it a bit nicer than that). 

Do you think this is cheeky or rude? OH and I have lived together for a while so we really don't need anything for our home but I don't know how comfortable I would be asking friends/relatives for money. I just googled and came across some stern responses saying it was disgusting to ask for money and that money/gifts should not be mentioned at all in a wedding invitation as it is against 'wedding etiquette'. (I tossed the wedding etiquette book out the window a while ago as to me its just old fashioned).

So what do you girls think? And are any of you asking for cash/gifts or nothing?

x


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## Timid

Personally I think asking outright for cash is a bit cheeky. Some of the older generation find it crass and don't like it either.

There are easy ways to get around this though- consider a honeymoon registry where guests pay towards your honeymoon, or perhaps use a traditional gift list service that offers vouchers so you can buy whatever you like instead of letting guests select gifts. John Lewis does this.

On the other hand, asking for cash is the norm in certain cultures so it is entirely up to you and your oh as to what feels right.

Good luck!

Tx


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## honeybee2

I personally dont think it is cheeky at all, I really dont see the difference in handing someone a gift registry and having the bride & groom expect you to pay for something off the list when, in most instances, they items can be very pricey! 

We've asked for cash towards a honeymoon. Everyone (apart from my grandmother) thought it was a wonderful idea. We really couldn't fit another item in our house!!


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## EmmyReece

I don't think it's cheeky at all hun, me and Chris will be doing exactly the same thing, and all of his cousins did it too.

I think you can google poems to put it in a better wording (if my wording made any sense there lol) :D

Here's some I found by googling it hun


Spoiler
In a wedding invitation,
You usually find some lists,
For venues, menus and hotels,
And also for the gifts

But this one is unusual,
It comes in a different way,
As we're not asking for presents,
But for something else today

Now please don't think we're selfish,
Or that this comes from greed,
But we've lived together for a while,
So there's not that much we need

We would appreciate help though,
To send us on our way,
And allow us to have our honeymoon,
In a land quite far away

So now the point of all this rhyme,
The thing that we would like,
Isn't towels, toasters or microwaves,
But pounds and pence alike

And now you know the reason,
Behind this cheeky accord,
Please help to give us memories,
Of a dream honeymoon abroad

-----------------------------------

For a couple of years we&#8217;ve lived in sin,
we have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless steel bin,
saucepans and towels we have many,
corkscrews and flannels we don&#8217;t need any,
we just want you with us to celebrate our day,
but if you insist on a gift anyway,
What we&#8217;d really like is a gift of money,
we hope you don&#8217;t think we&#8217;re being funny!
We&#8217;ll put it all together and buy something that&#8217;s best,
as a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests

---------------------------------------

We know it's not traditional
It's not the way it's done
But instead of a wedding list
We'd like a bit of sun.

Please do not think of us as rude
Please do not take offence
We do not want to upset you
That's not the way it's meant.

We've lived together quite a while
And all the bills are paid
We've got our plates, our pots and pans
Our plans have all been made.

So if you'd like to give a gift
To help us celebrate
Some money for a honeymoon
We would appreciate

---------------------------------

We are sending out this invitation
In hope you will join a celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters
so rather than something we have already got
We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest


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## Mynx

I dont think it's cheeky at all either.. in fact we put an "ask for cash" poem in our invites.. we already have everything we need in our home and we dont intend on going on a honeymoon for a while (getting a sitter for a toddler for a week just wouldnt seem fair - besides, we'd miss her too much!) so we've asked for cash that we can put towards stuff that we do want (eg, we want a power shower, no way we can afford one without doing it this way!)


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## Jin

I know a lot of people find this rude but tbh I don't and we have done exactly this. I think it's more and more common now because the bride and groom usually already live together and have all the things they need for their home. TBH, personally I would rather give cash as a gift and it went on something that was wanted, or towards a honeymoon they would otherwise not have, than to get something that they don't really want and that will gather dust in the bottom of a cupboard somewhere.


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## NuKe

I've done this!! We have been living together for a few years now and there's literally nothing we need!!! So I used this poem, it sums up exactly how we feel (i.e. the most important thing is that ppl come but if they feel they have to get us something, $$$ would be best!)

For a couple of years we&#8217;ve lived in sin,
we have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless steel bin,
saucepans and towels we have many,
corkscrews and flannels we don&#8217;t need any,
we just want you with us to celebrate our day,
but if you insist on a gift anyway,
What we&#8217;d really like is a gift of money,
we hope you don&#8217;t think we&#8217;re being funny!
We&#8217;ll put it all together and buy something that&#8217;s best,
as a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests!


I don't see how it's rude at all. Better 50 quid in a savings account than a fondue set that will get used once and then sit in the back of a cupboard collecting dust!


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## Tiff

I think it depends on how its worded. I received one invite that read "We didn't register, we have enough stuff... but when it comes to cash you can never have enough!". Which honestly made me feel that if I were to give them anything other than cash that they'd just look at it as "stuff", not a gift from heart as it was intended. 

:shrug: Just how I feel though. I personally will welcome (and pray!) that people will give us money. However, I can't justify outright asking for it. I think the idea of registering at a travel place or gift cards is a good thing. Some people are finicky and want to know exactly where their money is going.


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## leash27

Hmmm I still can't decide! On the one hand, we really don't need anything so at the risk of sounding ungrateful I think most gifts are just going to be a waste! However, I know certain members of my family may not be a fan of the money poems lol! 

We are giving the invite details to the printer this week so I'm going to leave it out for now and if we decide to do it we can always print it on a little insert! Maybe that way I can just leave them out of the invitations of the people I don't want to piss off!!

Wedding stress!!!!

X


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## Mynx

That sounds like a good compromise hun :thumbup:


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## sophxx

i had this converstaion with oh as we recived a invite and they wanted cash we think its rude but its each to there own x


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## Tarkwa

I did it but don't expect to get much cash - some people find it really hard to do! Thing for us was that we had everything we could have needed. We did give an alternative of vouchers for DIY stores and we got TONS!!!! Hardly anyone gave us cash tbh. I must admit, that although we did ask for cash, I'd prefer to get someone a 'proper gift' for a wedding. That happened with us and one couple bought us a bale of white fluffy towels - something I already had, but lovely nonetheless. We hadn't asked for them (obviously as we already had some) and I've never used them (they weren't as nice as the ones I bought) but they are in our bathroom. So, in my opinion, go ahead and ask for cash (it is 21st century after all!), but give them a back up plan like vouchers or a small list of items that you would like.
xxx


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## leash27

Tarkwa said:


> I did it but don't expect to get much cash - some people find it really hard to do! Thing for us was that we had everything we could have needed. We did give an alternative of vouchers for DIY stores and we got TONS!!!! Hardly anyone gave us cash tbh. I must admit, that although we did ask for cash, I'd prefer to get someone a 'proper gift' for a wedding. That happened with us and one couple bought us a bale of white fluffy towels - something I already had, but lovely nonetheless. We hadn't asked for them (obviously as we already had some) and I've never used them (they weren't as nice as the ones I bought) but they are in our bathroom. So, in my opinion, go ahead and ask for cash (it is 21st century after all!), but give them a back up plan like vouchers or a small list of items that you would like.
> xxx

So if you asked for vouchers for a certain store, did you actually put this with your invite?

x


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## Tarkwa

Yip, we said Wickes or B&Q. We preferred Wickes but as B&Q is bigger we got lots more vouchers. Used every single one though - really handy - told everyone we would use the vouchers to do up our garden so I'd give them a reason why you are asking for cash or vouchers. We had a 'gift list' insert in our wedding invite which politely said we already had lots of stuff so cash wold be used to do up our garden, or if you prefer you can give us vouchers. Thinking about it we did make a TINY gift list at Argos with 6 things on it. Only one person bought us anything from it but luckily it was the thing I wanted the most - a heated blanket!! To avoid offending anyone (which you will always do at a wedding!) then offer them alternatives. The poem above is great - maybe use something like that and say if you prefer to get us something else then please get us this. Hope this helps chick.
xxx


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## booflebump

leash27 said:


> Tarkwa said:
> 
> 
> I did it but don't expect to get much cash - some people find it really hard to do! Thing for us was that we had everything we could have needed. We did give an alternative of vouchers for DIY stores and we got TONS!!!! Hardly anyone gave us cash tbh. I must admit, that although we did ask for cash, I'd prefer to get someone a 'proper gift' for a wedding. That happened with us and one couple bought us a bale of white fluffy towels - something I already had, but lovely nonetheless. We hadn't asked for them (obviously as we already had some) and I've never used them (they weren't as nice as the ones I bought) but they are in our bathroom. So, in my opinion, go ahead and ask for cash (it is 21st century after all!), but give them a back up plan like vouchers or a small list of items that you would like.
> xxx
> 
> So if you asked for vouchers for a certain store, did you actually put this with your invite?
> 
> xClick to expand...

We asked for John Lewis vouchers, just a small note on the inside of the invite (left hand side) saying 'Your presence is gift enough, but should you wish to give us a gift, then John Lewis vouchers would be greatly appreciated'

x


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## jakey1

I don't think that asking for cash is necessarily rude as I don't think the Bride and Groom intend it to come across in that way. It's better than them buying you something that you don't need. However, I do feel that it makes people feel awkward. I was invited to a friends wedding last year where they specifically asked for cash. I was really grateful that the kids were so young and that we didn't have anyone to babysit (they had a no-children rule at their wedding) because it made me feel like I didn't want to go (which I didn't). I was on Maternity Leave and absolutely skint so didn't want to embarrass myself by putting a tenner in their card (I couldn't even afford that at the time :lol: I used the LOs as an excuse for not being able to attend. I did however, after the wedding, get my friend a voucher for a Beauty Salon so that she could go and pamper herself. But I was able to do that off my own back once I had a bit of spare cash and didn't feel under any obligation to do it.


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## Tiff

One thing I've learned, is that you can't please everyone. There are going to be people who are going to be at your wedding and they are not going to like things. Can't be avoided. So do what you want to do, to heck with the people who don't like it.

I didn't like it in my example, but I never said it to the Bride or Groom. That'd be tacky and poor taste. So we gave them what they wanted. At the end of the day it is _your_ wedding, not anyone else's.


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## leash27

Like I said, we have been to a few weddings where the bride and groom have asked for cash/vouchers and I had no problem giving them it! It saved the hassle of worrying about what gift to buy lol! :thumbup: I think maybe its the way its put across thats important. I also think it may be a generation thing as the family members who are likely to think its cheeky are like grandparents etc.

I am going to discuss it with my mum and see what she thinks! Maybe I will just say nothing and smile politely for my 3 toasters and 6 kettles hehe! :haha:


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## Twiglet

I've used it on my invites and dont care if people find it rude, if they find it rude then dont give us some, we're using it towards our honeymoon :) 

I did put something along the lines of your presence is gift enough but if you wish we'd like but in a nice little poem :) :thumbup:


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## Twiglet

Oh and SIL did this and got 4K :shock:


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## fi79

We got married last year and were in the same situation - living together for 5 years and no need for housey stuff. We decided we'd ask people to contribute towards the honeymoon as we hadn't had a holiday for 4 years. So we opened a Trailfinders gift list and put the following wording in our invitations.

"Your presence at our special day is gift enough but if you do feel you would like to give us a present then contributions to our honeymoon fund would be gratefully received."

Everyone who came to our wedding contributed bar one family. The told my mum they felt funny about it - instead they gave us a gift voucher for Debenhams - so still money. Go figure.

Thanks to the amazing contributions everyone made and a little extra from my grandparents were were able to have two mind-blowing weeks in California and Nevada. Our thank-you cards were of us in front of the "Welcome to Las Vegas" sign holding a sign that said "Thank you" Our guests may not have bought us toasters and glasses but they helped to buy us memories we will never forget.


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## Shabutie

We didnt put anything in our invites about gifts. We would prefer money, as we have virtually everything for our house anyway. When people have asked me what we want as a gift, I have felt too rude to ask for money. So I have recently decided that if I ask for vouchers for Argos or something, as I think that way guests will know where it is going, because as far as they know, we could just spend it on drink or something (if we even drank) if they gave us cash.

We arent having a honeymoon, otherwise I think we would go down that route.

:flower:


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## booflebump

You might find people give you cash anyway, we got a lot without asking xxx


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## kintenda

We have asked for cash (stating that we need new white goods rather than anything else, plus contributions to honeymoon) but have given an alternative of Love2Shop vouchers as I know some people like to give vouchers. I can see why some people aren't keen on giving cash - they know that you'll have to use a voucher 'wisely' as it has to be spent towards goods, but I would rather not be tied to one shop - if we see a good deal in Currys, I don't want to be stuck with Comet vouchers etc!


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## Angelblue

We definitely will be asking for money in some form or another, I think its the modern way, people already live together and have everything they need. Our friends and family would much rather give us something we want. We're going to pay for our honeymoon on creditcard and pay off as much as we can with our money gifts I think. But my friend told me about this website 'The Bottom Drawer' where you can list literally anything you want so guests can see where their money is going.. eg. you can break down you honeymoon into nights or daytrips out so people can see what they are allocating their money towards but really the money just goes into a big pot, another example could be if you wanted money towards a conservatory you could put 20 bricks! you can literally put what you want. The only catch is that there is an admin charge if you dont use a certain percentage of the suppliers listed, you can also book your honeymoon through them. I think we'll either use them or I might even use the concept to make my own website and just link it to paypal for people to pay so it goes straight into my palpay account. Heres an example list

What do you think of the concept?


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## twiggy56

We have been living together 3 years and have absolutely everything (and more) we need for our home...

I think with the way weddings are held, its not old traditional 'rules' like it used to be...people do it their own way. I personally dont think its rude to ask for money, makes it easier and goes to a proper use for the couples future...

We have asked for Thomas Cook vouchers as we would never be able to afford a honeymoon otherwise, so the people who get us vouchers will be making a huge difference to our life as a family together, they will be giving us priceless memories of our first 'familymoon'...here's the wording we came up with.....


Spoiler
Because at first we lived in sin 
We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin
Our home has already been made with love and care,
With not much room left to spare!

We are sending out this invitation
In hope you will join us in our celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention

We know it's not traditional
It's not the way it's done
But instead of a wedding gift list
We'd like a bit of sun.

We would appreciate help,
To send us on our way,
And allow us to have our first family honeymoon,
In a land quite far away

And now you know the reason,
Behind this little accord,
Please help to give us memories,
Of a dream familymoon abroad
And once we've made family memories new,
We can look back and say it was thanks to you!


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## MissCherry15

i think its okay to do i know its what we are doing here are some poems that are good xx

For a couple of years we&#8217;ve lived in sin,
we have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless steel bin,
saucepans and towels we have many,
corkscrews and flannels we don&#8217;t need any,
we just want you with us to celebrate our day,
but if you insist on a gift anyway,
What we&#8217;d really like is a gift of money,
we hope you don&#8217;t think we&#8217;re being funny!
We&#8217;ll put it all together and buy something that&#8217;s best,
as a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests!




We know it's not traditional
It's not the way it's done
Instead of wedding presents 
we'd like a bit of fun
Please don&#8217;t think we&#8217;re rude
please don&#8217;t take offence
We do not want to upset you
that's not the way it's meant
We've lived together for a while
and all the bills are paid
We've got our plates, our pots and pans
our bed is already made
So if you'd like to give a gift 
to help us celebrate
Some money to enjoy ourselves 
we would appreciate 



We have most of the things we need
Like a kettle and two toasters,
We have two different crockery sets
With dinner plates and coasters,
Pots and pans, knives and forks
A chopping board for cheese,
If you would like to give us a gift
We would like the money please!

xx


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## wanaBmummy

I haven't read through all the posts so don't know if this has been mentioned at all by a friend of mine is getting married and put a poem in with invites along the lines of we would like money lol and at the end have put that they are having a wishing well on the day and any 'contributions' would be greatly appreciated. xx


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## smelly07

Hell no!!!!

We have asked for money x


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