# Your opinion please on how to help shy child - tiny school or bigger school?



## chocolate

Hi, I need to make my school application in the next few days and am really struggling. One school has 11 to a class in the first year, then it changes to 22 ish for joint years.
The other school has 30 to a class and the school is 2 to 3 times bigger than the other, but equally as nice, if not a little friendlier.

My son isn't really naturally outgoing but is so much better than a year ago, he is 3 and a half and enjoys pre-school. The times when he backs away is if strangers talk to him but sometimes he will nod or say one word answers until he warms up. Its things like dancing or group music lessons that he backs away and doesn't want to participate so at school there would be quite a few of these type of classes.

My OH is equally shy if not worse, and said at least in the bigger school there is more room for him to back away a bit and not have to participate in everything if he doesn't want to as OH wouldn't have liked to have been made to always do everything and says in a bigger class you wouldn't get picked as much to answer and read stuff. But I said surely by asking him to do this more often it would build his self confidence and make him do it more so it became normal? 

Im stuck - will a smaller school build his confidence more, or will putting him into a bigger one get him better used to bigger social circles and therefore gain in social skills?

Any advice/experiences?


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## Amarna

I'm really shy as well and was horrible as a kid. I'll disagree with your husband here: I went to a really big school and because I didn't participate and wasn't noticed as much I ended up left out of a lot and not taking advantage of a lot of things. I honestly think a smaller school will be better. Even today as an adult I notice I do better in smaller settings, it's easier to get to know people, not as overwhelming and overall easier to participate in a smaller crowd. 

What really matters though in a school setting I think is the teachers and how they handle individual students. Would it be possible to meet with at least the primary teacher your son will be under for his first year there? I would talk to them about how they could address your concerns and how they would work to incorporate your son into the classroom without completely overwhelming him, maybe arrange for your son to meet them or tour the schools before he starts and see which ones mesh better for you guys.


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## jane99

My son was really shy, didnt speak at pre-school for the first 2 or 3 months, neither with the key workers nor the other children. 

He goes to a large infants school - (270 kids in total) - reception are split into 3 classes. He was initally very shy but his confidence has grown so much since Sept. Its a very nuturing environment & friendly - so geared up for little ones. 

I personally would go with the school that you like most, regardless of size.

P.S. do you live in Kent?


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## RachA

I would actually choose based on what you feel about the school as a whole. 

Having said that a friend of mine had a very painfully shy daughter and they chose a very small school and the daughter has flourished. They did however prefer that school to the other school they could of chosen anyway.


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## freckleonear

I was a very shy child. If I was picking between two schools that were more or less equal in other qualities, then I would go for the smaller one every time.


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## Cassie.

I was also a very shy child. I think going to a smaller school would have helped a lot more and would have helped me overcome my shyness. 
I'd go for the smaller school, definitely.


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## Farie

I was so so shy and didn't really enjoy school until I moved to a really small school (after home schooling) At large schools I just backed off and acted invisible.


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## chocolate

Thanks so much everyone, sorry for the late reply. I decided to go for the small one in the end, loved both schools but in the end thought educationally as well as confidence levels he would probably benefit from the smaller one.

However saying that, he really isnt as shy as he was 8 months ago, he has really come on and will answer questions from people at shops now, in a bit of a shy way but he says his name etc. so am probably over worrying. He has flourished in pre-school too now he goes 5 mornings a week so full time will help.
Only downside to the small school is they have 2 part-time reception teachers, one is really nice, the other is abrupt and can accross rude .......... however, I guess it will get him used to different teachers and personalities. He rarely cries now when upset, instead sulks lol so I think he will probably do ok, a year ago I would have never imagined he'd be more confident. 

Im not in Kent, West BERKS XX


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