# Who is that horrible, selfish woman?



## PrettyUnable

Having such a shit weekend and I have nowhere else to let it all out.
Me, I'm the horrible, selfish woman, it's me.
This shows how selfish I am feeling right now but I wish I could just hide from the world for awhile. Instead I'm hiding in the kitchen, pretending to do the washing..
After finding out on Monday that I have miscarried I haven't let myself be upset about it, I'm doing all I can to keep myself together... It isn't always working and I will spend a few minutes longer in the garage, the bathroom or with my head in the fridge so nobody else sees my tears. 
My daughter is going away on Sunday for most of August, so if I can just hold on til then, I'll let myself fall apart... and I can just be a mess without it impacting anything except me. And my OH.. 
I know to be a good person I'm not supposed to admit this and it shows my true colours but I want this weekend to be over already. 
My OH has got his 2 year old daughter and I can't cope with it. I feel everything of every emotion, and with how much she is a comfort for him, she is torture for me. It isn't because she makes me feel broody, she doesn't. She's right in the the terrible two's. But she brings me no comfort and only makes me overthink the loss of our baby.
It isn't her fault, it's nothing to do with her, it's all my stuff... but I just can't even bare to be in the same room as her without thinking I'm going to fall apart.
I just want her to go home.
I know how horrid I am for this. I know it and it makes me feel even worse, but I can't pretend. My OH only gets to have her every other weekend and her mum is unbelieveably unreasonable at times, so he has to grab whatever time he can get. 
But I can't push aside this loss for his daughter. To deal with his daughter. So my poor OH is left dealing with a 2 year old in a sea of tantrums, me being obviously upset and hiding away, and my moody 9 year old flouncing in and out of her room amusing herself moaning about why is it raining and why can't we go to the park.
I wish I could understand and comprehend myself why I can find comfort and distraction in having my daughter around, (as long as she doesnt ask for a baby brother or sister as she has been doing recently) but the sight of his daughter makes me feel physically weak and sick, like my legs have been knocked from under me.
Seeing her reminds me of what we lost, that I haven't been able to give him what her mother could. That my body is damaged or not good enough to give him the other children he wants. That I've failed him, I failed my daughter, I failed our little bean and I failed myself.
When does feeling this way end? 
Nothing is the same, everything is tainted with the loss. 
When will I forgive myself?


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## Mon_n_john

Oh hun, it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. You are grieving and unfortunately, even though she is your step-daughter, it hurts to look at her because you want to give him a child.

I know it's hard to believe right now but you will have another baby. It will never replace the one you lost but it will be a wonderful solace to you. Good things are coming so try to keep your chin up and when you need to, find a quiet spot or go take a shower and cry it all out. That's what I do and it helps me to feel better.

Hugs!


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## PrettyUnable

Mon_n_john said:


> Oh hun, it is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. You are grieving and unfortunately, even though she is your step-daughter, it hurts to look at her because you want to give him a child.
> 
> I know it's hard to believe right now but you will have another baby. It will never replace the one you lost but it will be a wonderful solace to you. Good things are coming so try to keep your chin up and when you need to, find a quiet spot or go take a shower and cry it all out. That's what I do and it helps me to feel better.
> 
> Hugs!

Thank you.. 
I feel awful for feeling this way. I told my OH last night, explained how I felt as he could tell that something was wrong, and he's been so great. He's dealt with the girls whilst I had a lay in, got up and had a long shower, then I've just pottered about the house cleaning all whilst he's done everything with them.
He is a godsend.
Thank you for the reassurrance, and kind words. Your post really helped. Its just good to know that someone understands and I'm not awful for it.
You're right, good things are coming for us all :hugs:


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## Mon_n_john

That a girl, I promise it will get better. And whenever you feel down or sad you can always come on here and vent, we'll understand. = )


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey hun.
I felt like I've fallen to pieces after my miscarriage too. A part of me feels lost. I guess it is really. I feel like I'm a disappointment to everyone (as we told them I was pregnant early on). I'm sometimes so horrible to my partner too :cry: and I never realise it until afterwards when it's too late.
It's hard though, because I feel like no one understands unless they've been through it themselves - and considering I'm around those that haven't they make it harder on me, yet they don't see it.
My partner and mother have also said some really nasty stuff too, Im glad for you hun that your partners supportive :hugs:
I was told that you never get over a miscarriage, you have to find a way to get though it... Im still trying to find mine.
A friend said giving it a name helps, and as we called the baby Roo when I was pregnant we chose Roo, instead of 'the miscarriage' or 'the baby we lost'. That might help you?
I've also found writing letters to Roo, or keeping some kind of diary helps too :)
I hope your ok hun, it WILL happen, just be patient... it happens when you least expect it :hugs:
Your welcome to PM me if you ever want to chat x x x


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## dannii90

Hi I'm sort of in th same boat as u. It was my 21st last Tue an I had my scan that day so I thought what a lovely birthday gift to be able to c my baby, however this wasnt the case I found out that there was no heartbeat and I had a silent miscarriage my baby stopped growing. All I want is for everyone to stop asking if I'm ok or my friends asking me to meet up with there children its not the fact they have a baby but it makes me think about my baby iv lost. I'm now waiting for my body to relise that my baby has no heartbeat. If you would to talk I will b thankful to talk to someone who knows how I feel xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey dannii90. My thoughts are with you, I'm sorry to hear that you had such an awful birthday gift. I hope things start to look brighter hun :hugs:
Im hear if you want to chat too :) x x x


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## KatyW

Grief is awful to get through, I've felt similar to how you've felt. I agree that crying it out will help release some of the pain. It's a horrible loss. It's been a month and half since the loss of our first at about 6 weeks, and I'm mostly feeling better, but there are moments when I'm sad. You'll get through it,hugs


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## dannii90

xxxjessxxx said:


> Hey dannii90. My thoughts are with you, I'm sorry to hear that you had such an awful birthday gift. I hope things start to look brighter hun :hugs:
> Im hear if you want to chat too :) x x x

Hi thank you very much I will try and add you as a friend im just finding it hard at the moment we want to try again as soon as possible. Xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Thanks dannii90, I'll reply back on your wall so we don't clog up this thread :) x x


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## PrettyUnable

Thanks for the support. It does help knowing I'm not alone feeling like this.
How are you both doing dannii and jess?
It's a tough week for me, the first since the start of miscarriage where I'm allowing myself to be upset and I feel the loss so much..
I keep having dreams of when I was pregnant with my daughter, and I'm so happy in the dreams, it feels so lovely. Then I wake up and its like my whole being yearns.
All I want is to be pregnant again. To have our baby.
Its all I can think about, but it feels like it's going to take a long time for my body to kickstart back into action.
I feel so drained and incomplete...
I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
Hugs to you both.
Elle.xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

I hope your ok - remember it's ok to grieve and mourn :hugs:
I remember I went completely numb. After seeing no baby in my womb (seeing it with a HB only 4 days before) it just made me lonely. There were people like my partner around me, but I just felt lonely :(
Walking down those stairs afterwards I couldn't bring myself to except it, it was in the car that I just completely broke. I didn't want to be hugged because I hated the reason why I was being hugged too much.
It's hard, you'll never get over it, but you can move on from it. 
3 months on and I still haven't completely grieved.
It's only this past week a friend has suggested things that have helped.
Me and my partner let a lantern into the sky the other night which helped. we also chose to give our baby a name... Roo. I also wrote a letter to Roo and that reaally helped. Maybe some of these things might help you.
When I lost Roo a different friend sent me this poem which also helped... it might help you :dunno: 
https://www.babyandbump.com/second-trimester-losses/586356-aww-friend-sent-me-poem-made-me-cry.html 
keep shining hun, I know it may seem hard... but there is light at the end of the tunnel :hugs: x x


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## PrettyUnable

I don't know if I even know how to start to greive.. all I can do is cry and feel so lost. So incomplete.
Me and my OH talked about naming the baby, but we couldn't. My OH said he'd find it too hard.
But he mentioned the other night the idea about getting a chinese latern, writing some messages on it and letting it go.
I think its a good idea, but I'm not ready to let go yet.
I don't want to say goodbye
He is trying to help me so much, but I can't make him understand the way it feels.
The poem made me cry... thank you for sharing it. I keep praying, its all I can think to do, but it's to a god I don't believe in. 
I read a post that someone wrote on bnb, and it really says alot of how I feel..

Dont tell me that you understand. 
Dont tell me that you know. 
Dont tell me that I will survive, 
How I will surely grow. 
Dont come at me with answers 
That can only come from me.
Dont tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.
Accept me in my ups and downs.
I need someone to share.
Just hold my hand and let me cry
And say, My friend, I care"

Thank you so much for your positivity.. I know we will all get through this, and will have our forever rainbow babies... it just feels so far away right now.
:hugs:
Elle.xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

My heart truly goes out to you lovely :hugs: 
I've been in that hole and I've only recently just started climbing out of it.
No one can tell you when the right time to let go is, that's your choice.
To me, Im never letting go of Roo, that's why it helped to write a letter, because it still helps me remember :cloud9:
Did you and your OH have a name for your baby while you were pregnant? If so you could have that like me with lil roo. If he doesn't, maybe you'd like to?
My OH never understands how I feel, he sometimes tries to, but when he says some things I know he doesn't.
I'm not sure what I believe in, but I believe Roo is with the angels now :) 
Aww that made me cry :cry:
I can relate to it a lot too :/
Yeah I've been taking it for granted that I'd be pregnant again already, but I just feel like giving up on it tbh.
Brought some multivitamins today though so that might help :/
I wish you all the best hunny :)
Time is a healing process :) x x x x :hugs:


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## PrettyUnable

Thanks so much, it really does help knowing that other people feel this way too.
I might think about naming the baby, for myself... see if it helps. I'll talk to my OH again about it and see if maybe it will help him too. Even though he thinks it won't.
All I want is to be pregnant again already. 
What multivitamins did you get? I've got folic acid, but not sure if its too soon to start taking it again yet or not.. :shrug:
Have you been doing anything else?
I was doing OPKs and just starting charting my temps when I had my :bfp:, but I've decided to not do all that again just yet, I'll give my body some time to try and do things naturally for abit.. although I'm so impatient with not knowing what is going on I may cave in and start again. But until I have a period I'm abit lost on my cycles... on everything.
:hugs: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

No problem hunny :hugs:
Explain to him that, if the baby was born you two would of named it wouldn't you?
So how does it make it any less your baby just because it wasn't born? 
As soon as us women see that bfp, we love our baby instantly (I understand it's harder for men) but those bfp's mean a baby. And even if they weren't here or as long as we wanted, in my opinion they deserve a name. Every one has different opinions though :)
I bought Tesco Value pregnancy one's for 3.50, that have the recommended folic acid and everything. Your supposed to take folic acid as soon as you know your TTC hunny, so there's never a 'too early' they suggest 3 months before you begin TTC anyway.
Haven't really been doing anything else to be honest, Just trying to let nature take it's course as people always say it happens when you least expect it and give up, so Im trying to stick with that :) We BD whenever we want to :)
But I think it's best to let your body take control... after all, that is the best way ;)
My af was 10 days late :/ x x x :hugs:


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## PrettyUnable

Yeah, thats very true. Thanks hun, will talk to him about it tonight :flower:
Thanks for the tip, might have to look at getting them. I was taking folic acid when ttc before, but the drs told me to stop taking it once I'd started miscarrying as it would keep the pregnancy hormones in my body for longer. So I'm just not sure when to start taking them again really. 
It was 3 weeks yesterday that I started miscarrying and only 12 days since blood tests confimed that my levels had dropped enough for them to consider that I've miscarried. So I'm just not sure how long I'm supposed to leave it for my system to be all clear before taking it again.
Yeah, I totally agree, when you relax and just let things happen, it does. I get too obssessed though, I end up trying to do all I can to help nature along lol.
We're the same, we don't plan when to bd, it'd become too routine and like its only for baby making, not because we love each other. We need it to be for both, or the pressure would stress us out.
When was af 10 days late for you?
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

That's ok, I just believe that just because this child didn't make it to earth, it doesnt give it any less of a right to a name than the daughter he's already got. I have strong beliefs with it lol. I hope the talk goes ok :)

Hmm, I didn't know that! Well are they still checking your hormones? I'd say either wait for AF to arrive and begin then, but if your TTC straight away, then leave them for the moment. And if you get a bfp then start again :)

lol don't we all! Like secretly lifting your hips up or trying to get BD nearish ovulation at least!! ;) After a MC though, Ovulation goes all over the place. My friend MC at 7weeks, then got pregnant again, and she got pregnant 1 week after the MC!!! She's got a little girl now and she was born exactly on her due date :)

Yeah, I have the exact same opinion, I hear people moaning that they have to BD tonight and I think that's crazy! Also, it puts stress on the men that they feel they have to deliver. 

Sorry hun, Af was late by 10 days when I MC :) x x x


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## dannii90

PrettyUnable said:


> Thanks for the support. It does help knowing I'm not alone feeling like this.
> How are you both doing dannii and jess?
> It's a tough week for me, the first since the start of miscarriage where I'm allowing myself to be upset and I feel the loss so much..
> I keep having dreams of when I was pregnant with my daughter, and I'm so happy in the dreams, it feels so lovely. Then I wake up and its like my whole being yearns.
> All I want is to be pregnant again. To have our baby.
> Its all I can think about, but it feels like it's going to take a long time for my body to kickstart back into action.
> I feel so drained and incomplete...
> I wouldn't wish this feeling on my worst enemy.
> Hugs to you both.
> Elle.xxx

I had th miscarriage on thur so I feel mre closure knowing my baby is in heaven I hope ur ok. It's stop hard bt I'm gettin ther xx


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## PrettyUnable

Hey Jess.. hows things?
Spoke to OH and he still says he doesn't feel he can name the baby. As I was only 5 weeks pregnant he said he finds it easier to deal with thinking that the baby wasn't a baby yet.
He completely understands that it was still our baby, but his way to deal with the loss is to be logical and think of it in a matter of cells.
Which he did do until I told him that the baby's heart can start beating between 5 and 6 weeks.
Maybe we will pick a name one day, we are going to do the chinese lantern, so hopefully will have one ready for then.
No they aren't checking my hormones again, after the last bloods on August 1st where my levels had dropped to 89 they were happy to leave me.
Yeah I was thinking that, to leave taking it until I get a :bfp: or AF.
Trying to figure out where my cycle is since the mc is confusing me, people think different things, some say the day you started miscarrying is cd1, others say the last day of bleeding is cd1. I'm trying to relax and just not think about it but I'm still symptom spotting, except now I'm trying to do it to see if Im ovulating lol.
I feel weird today, have mild crampy pains in (what I imagine is) my right ovary, my back is aching and I've had loads of thick ewcm (sorry for tmi).
Havent done an opk, but thinking about it... 
I'm either ovulating or AF is gonna come. And I never thought I'd say this but I'd be happy with either :thumbup:
How are things going for you?
It'd be great if we kept in touch and ended up being bump buddies :hugs:
Elle.xxx


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## PrettyUnable

dannii90 said:


> I had th miscarriage on thur so I feel mre closure knowing my baby is in heaven I hope ur ok. It's stop hard bt I'm gettin ther xx

I'm so sorry hun :hugs:
Yeah I'm ok, like you, it's hard but I'm getting there. One day at a time.
I've found it easier since the bleeding and discharge stopped. Like my body is now letting me move on.
Hope you're doing ok.
Elle.xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey hunny, things are ok. Me and OH are :growlmad: one minute and :hugs: the next. Have you found it's made your relationship change in any way?
I can understand his opinion and I guess you just have to respect him for that, just ask him if you choose a name if he'll respect you with that and understand why you felt it important to. Have you said to him about maybe not choosing such a common child related name, but maybe a name that's something more of a resemblance to an object, like Little Peanut, or Jelly Bean or something like that? 
Also, the heart can actually start beating around 4 weeks, it's just occassionally seen beating on a scan at 6 weeks :)
Well after MC your body is all over the place!! My body mimmicked a lot pregnancy symptoms but I was told it was just the hormones trying to regulate themselves. I took cd1 the day I started bleeding, but even if I took cd1 the last day of my bleeding AF would of still been late.
That does sound like promising Ovulation signs though :) Have you taken another HPT since? As if it's negative, I believe that means that the hormones would be pretty much out of your system :)
Yeah we can be buddies hunny :)
So, if you classed cd1 from the day you started bleeding what cd will you be on now? x x x


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey hunny, things are ok. Me and OH are :growlmad: one minute and :hugs: the next. Have you found it's made your relationship change in any way?
I can understand his opinion and I guess you just have to respect him for that, just ask him if you choose a name if he'll respect you with that and understand why you felt it important to. Have you said to him about maybe not choosing such a common child related name, but maybe a name that's something more of a resemblance to an object, like Little Peanut, or Jelly Bean or something like that? 
Also, the heart can actually start beating around 4 weeks, it's just occassionally seen beating on a scan at 6 weeks :)
Well after MC your body is all over the place!! My body mimmicked a lot pregnancy symptoms but I was told it was just the hormones trying to regulate themselves. I took cd1 the day I started bleeding, but even if I took cd1 the last day of my bleeding AF would of still been late.
That does sound like promising Ovulation signs though :) Have you taken another HPT since? As if it's negative, I believe that means that the hormones would be pretty much out of your system :)
Yeah we can be buddies hunny :)
So, if you classed cd1 from the day you started bleeding what cd will you be on now? x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Definately!! I think its more me thats changed though and my OH doesn't know whats happend. There are just some times where he can't do right for doing wrong. He is so understanding and supportive of all my mood swings and moping though and he keeps saying "You're the one going through it, you're the one who felt it all, all I can do is be here for you." 
But I can't tell him how to be there for me or what to do, and he only wants to make it right, but he can't. We actually had one of the biggest arguements we've ever had Sunday before last. 
I've tried to explain to him that nothing is the same for me now, but he doesn't get it, and I can't blame him.
Yeah, I've said to him how about calling the baby, Baby. He said he'll think about it... when I was pregnant we called it Little Squishy... but whenever we talk about being pregnant again we think we'd use squishy again, for all of the little beans. 
I took HPT the other day and it was negative, so fingers crossed my levels are all gone now. Just did a OPK and that was negative too.. but plenty of time for my body to sort itself out yet I guess.
First bit of bleeding I had was on 21st July, which would put today at CD26, so I really don't know what is happening with my body. If I count from the last day of bleeding then I'm CD14 :shrug:
Guess I'm just hoping for AF to make an appearance soon so I can start afresh.. :coffee:
What CD are you on now? xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah I felt like that. I felt like no matter how comforting he was too me, it just wasn't good enough, and it would never bring back Roo. Also, my hormones were alll over the place. Make sure he understands that too, as your hormones are trying to regulate, i've heard it takes around 3 months :wacko:.
It is extremely frustrating with them, me and OH keep having very serious arguements too. It's hard for them though too, and I realised to make our relationship better I had to put on a mask and try not to show him how hurt and lonely i truly felt.
Ahh, well Little Squishy is a good name to use, as you can use the arguement that you named it that when your was pregnant so there's no right or wrong in keeping that name. Im sure with each pregnancy you'll fell different names maybe?
Well you could of ovulated and missed the surge maybe? Who knows. Like I said, I know many women who ovulated a week or so after their mc.
Hmmm, maybe keep both cd's in mind for now. If your cd14, you'd be expected to ovulate soonish (probably later though if you haven't already).
Or af is due soon - I suppose a positive way of looking at it is if you do have af, then atleast your back on track :)
Erm I believe I'm on CD12 today :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Yeah I've put on a brave face and made out I'm fine to my OH and my family plenty of times when inside I'm screaming.
I need to talk to him again about the name and see what he's comfortable with.
It's the not knowing whats going on with my body that is annoying me atm, I'm hoping that I'm CD14 and ovulation is still yet to come... but thinking positively, AF is fine too.. just either please and soon lol :coffee:
When did you feel pregnant? Did you know before you tested?
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

I think it's one of the things us women are good at. I find it hurts though when no-one actually realises in a strange way, as I feel they don't know me very well if they can't tall im not 'truly' happy.
Ahh let me know how the chat goes hun, I hope it goes well :hugs:
Im glad you've got a positive outlook on this anyway. Have you been BD then?
Well I had most symptoms, MAJORLY bad mood swings :blush: like literally I was crying and the next I was laughing, and suddenly I'm pissed off lol, had sore boobs and a headache. I thought nothing of it though. As they weren't as noticable as I thought they would be. My mum said for just over a week it kept randomly popping into her heard 'Jess is pregnant' lol, she said she had no idea why but she then asked me, the day after I took my test if I was pregnant. SO she knew before me lol.
How about you? 
How are you feeling today? x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. If I'm not ok and nobody notices, particularly those closest to me it upsets me more, that maybe they don't know me as well as I wish they did.
The chat went really well, and we decided on a name. Baby Bo. It just fits for us, and we're both happy with it. We will be doing a chinese lantern too, but I'm not ready to let go yet :nope:
I'm trying to be positive, it's bloody hard sometimes, but I figure I'm only hurting myself and Adam (my OH) if I let myself sink into the pit of depression.
Yeah we have been BDing since the bleeding and discharge stopped, which took 12 days. I knew I couldn't wait to start trying again, because everytime we had sex with condoms it would just fill my head with everything thats happend and why we were using the condoms. If that makes sense.
I think every pregnant woman can relate to those mood swings lol, I was like a madwoman. And I couldn't explain it at all as to why I was so up and down.
That's really nice I think, that your mum had a feeling about it before you'd even taken a test.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, before I tested, my stepdad insisted to my mum that I was pregnant, and to this day he doesn't know why or how he knew, he said he just had a feeling, he just knew lol.
This time I knew I was pregnant very early, I had bad nausea, which I'd never had before and I just felt pregnant. When my mum and all the drs asked why I'd tested so early, all I could say was because I felt pregnant.
Which was quite funny, as some of the doctors and nurses accepted and understood it, but others looked at me like I was talking martian and was an absolute idiot.
I've been pregnant 3/possibly 4 times now, the first when I was in school and I had a termination. The second resulted in my daughter, the 3rd is a possible chemical in March, I had faint positives for 2 days then my period came when it was due but heavier than normal, and the 4th being this miscarriage. 
And I swear each time, I knew I was pregnant really early on. Not that that helps me now with ttc, as it makes me obbsessed, paranoid and second guess myself and every little symptom I have all the time lol.
I'm ok thanks, been having AF type cramps for the past 3 days, but no signs of her yet... so I'm impatiently waiting atm :coffee:
How are you hun? :hugs:xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah, it gets to me a lot. Especially because I tend to know straight away if something is up with the people close to me :)
Awww I love the name Baby Bo... so what did he actually say then about it, and how's you two decided on it? :)
I know what you mean hun, I sunk into depression - trying to climb out of that hole still, just taking it's time to be honest, but I think that's ok. Surely people can't expect someone to be so happy after losing a baby?!!
I can understand where your coming from with the whole condom scenario, me and OH didn't use them because we weren't going to BD until we were ready. But 3 days into the bleeding, we were in the bath, and had a really emotional kind of moment, and it just felt 'right' when one thing led to another. It felt like we made love :cloud9: Which sort of comforted me the way I thought I couldn't be :)
Haha bless, they say trust a woman's instinct ;) And hey - you were right!! :)
I'm sorry to hear about that, does your OH know about your termination? I cant really talk about stuff like that on here as my brother was stalking me once before and yeah, didn't go down to well!
I believe I've just had a chemical, as I had faint positives too, then had bright red, painful blood with clots :/ then had a few faint positives for a few days then they went to bfn :(
I'm supposed to be ovulating around now though and no signs of it yet so dont know :nope:
Ahh have you tested recently? Are you planning to?
Im alright, just feeling really crappy these pst few days :/ x x x


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## PrettyUnable

I know exactly what you mean.. how can I know when something is wrong with someone, but nobody realises that it's just a face I'm putting on. This week my OH has been really good to be fair to him, particularly with us having his daughter again for the weekend. He said to me last night that I should talk to him and tell him what I'm going through as he knows that I'm just putting a brave face on for everyone. I'm glad he's noticed but at the same time I explained to him that I'm not going to tell him all the things that I'm thinking and feeling because he can't fix it and will just make him feel crappy. Particularly with the fact that we both know I'm struggling to be around his daughter. I told him for me she is just a living breathing reminder of my failure. He's being so great and understanding, but he wants me to be with them, doing things with them all the time and almost sulks if I don't want to. But I find it unbearable after a while.
Thanks, its just right for us. I said about thinking about a name that isn't a name we would use, and he agreed that he was happy to do that, and that it would probably help me. So we tried to think of names that fit for boys and girls, and one of the ones was Beau, but OH doesnt like that spelling, so we went for Bo.
I find it really hard sometimes, like all people expect is for me either to be over it all already, or to put a brave face on and stop making a fuss or being down. Nearly every time I see my mum she says "So you're still maudlin then?" to me. It riles me up, what does she expect? We deal with things very differently though, my family and my mum are all for brushing problems under the carpet and never facing or mentioning them. I'm not like that from growing up with it, seeing what it does and what affect it has. I like to deal with things.
I definately believe in a womans instincts too.
Yeah my OH knows, I've always been very open and honest about it, because at that time it was the right thing for me to do and he understands that. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about that baby too, and wonder, but I know it was still the right decision. I would never have another, ever again. And when I was 17 and found out I was pregnant with my daughter it wasn't even a consideration for me, I was having her with or without everyones support. Luckily that time everyone supported me.
That sucks, and I'd be mad as hell if a member of my family stalked me on here or facebook or something just to get information about me. That must be hard having to censor what you say, just incase someone reads it who shouldnt.
Aw hun, I'm really sorry :hugs: Chemicals are just as hard, mine was. To have those positives and I was thinking "OMG, I'm pregnant, am I pregnant?" and was so happy.. then 2 days later it was all gone. I guess that was easier to deal with, compared to the miscarriage, as we had a month of ups and downs over it.
How are you feeling now? Any ovulation signs yet?
I tested yesterday, BFN on hpt and opk, so I really don't know what is happening with me. I'm going to start taking folic acid again until this lot runs out then I'm gonna get some of those tesco pregnancy vitamins instead, they seem good value.
I'm not too sure whats happening with my periods and ovulation etc, so I've been thinking about taking agnus castus again, it's what I took after coming off the depo injection in January and I'm certain its what helped bring my periods back so quick. So I'm hoping it might kickstart my body back into a cycle... :shrug:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeh im doing that at the moment :( I absolutely hate it. It's really taking a toll on our relationship, we had a fight yesterday :'(
im sorry to hear your finding it hard too :/ Atleast your OH's being undersatnding :hugs: sorry to hear that your mother isn't, i've got exactly the same problem :(
I love the name Bo :) OH isn't keen on it though, as I wanted it as a hyphen name.
It's good that your open to him about it :) Yeh I hate it not knowing what I can write on here and what I cant :(
Sorry to hear about the bfns. Any change in your cycle as of yet?
No signs of ovulation, but pretty sure I ovulated like cd10, as my cervix stayed open low and soft up until cd11. usually it closes, hard and high by cd4, and starts changing at cd13. Took test and beginning of a faint line again so who knows :nope:
xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Aww hun, I'm sorry to hear that. How are things today?
It's such a tough test of a relationship and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. And I now officially hate all those "I got pregnant on our first cycle of trying/ getting pregnant is so easy" women.. they have absolutely no bloody clue.
I guess it's be expected to find it hard for a long time yet, and some days are easier than others. But we will get there, I just keep thinking, one day at a time.
I guess our mums just want us to be ok, and now they can't fix it or make it better, so for their own sake they want us to be fine with it. I'm not worrying or thinking about it, just trying to let it go over my head if my mum says something. I'll be fine when I'm fine, I can't force it.
Really? Aw, we love it too. Our little baby Bo... it's just so right I don't know how we didn't think of it before.
Yeah, its one of the great things with us, we talk about absolutely everything and I know, no matter what I tell him, he will still love me and do all he can to understand and be supportive. He is the most amazing man I've ever met, and I get to keep him :happydance: :haha:
I still think that its crap that you have to watch what you say :hugs:
Nope :nope: no change in cycle yet, am currently on CD33 and still waiting.
The one time I actually want AF, she can't be bothered to show up :dohh:
On a positive side of things we found out today that we're moving to a bigger house that we put an application in to rent, so hurray :happydance: and it's been a big distraction for me which has helped. Moving will surely take my mind off everything too lol, we're going to be moving for 20-21st September, so going to have a busy month packing and sorting out stuff.
I'm really hoping it will help me take my mind off and relax about the whole lack of AF/trying to conceive again situation :)
Ohh fingers crossed for you hun, have you tested since? Good luck :thumbup:
:hugs: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

it's ok, things are better today, he's got a day off work today so not too bad. But we had another fight the other day :/
Lol I know it's soo annoying!! My friends got a 6month old, and thought she might be pregnant again - so she said if she is she's going to get rid of it :nope: It kind of hurts inside, especially when she knows what I've been through.
Yeah I understand what you mean, just my mum said some really harsh things, especialy when I said I named the baby Roo.
Naww that is so sweet :cloud9: I wish I was that lucky!!! 
Haha 21st September is actually my birthday :) It's a great day ;) ;) ...not being biased or anything :blush: 
That must be soo annoying waiting on it all - have you tested again since?
Yeah I took a test again and a stronger faint line, been having pains in my stomach, took a test this morning and bfn :( So I kind of give up with it all tbh :/ x x x


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## PrettyUnable

:hugs: Things are still rocky for us too hun, both of us snap more. It's to be expected, you've both been through such a rollercoaster of emotions, you'll get through it though.
I completely understand, I wish I could talk to every woman contemplating termination and tell them just how lucky they bloody well are, and don't they realise that its a baby, a life that they will never get the chance to have again? Sure they could have more children, but that baby, that one, will always be gone. I think most of us on here would do anything to trade with your friend right now and get to have a 6month old and be pregnant, as hard as it may be.
We haven't told anyone, except people on here :), that we named the baby Bo. I know for one my mum just wouldn't understand, she'd think that I was holding on to something I should let go of, forget and move on. Sometimes it makes me wonder how my mother ever had my sister and me, because she isn't really maternal in her emotions at all lol. 
I'm sorry to hear your mum wasn't very nice to you, or about the name. I love the name Roo, it's so sweet. I've got a connection to it from Mia though, as one of her baby blankets had Little Roo on it, and she still has it on her bed to this day. So I think its lovely. But it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it was your baby, its your choice and you need to deal with everything the way you choose to.
Haha, thanks. It's actually my brother inlaws birthday on the 21st too! So it's a big day... I really can't wait now, should really start packing lol. I'll be sure to remember to say Happy Birthday to you too :flower: How old will you be?
Yeah I've tested loads since, all :bfn:s, and keep giving myself line eye from wanting to see a line so much :dohh: I've run out of hpts now though, so I'm going to refrain from buying anymore until AF shows up. I know I'm not pregnant, I just wish my body would or could recover a little bit quicker. 
I've done OPKs too, but not everyday, but they've all been negative so I don't know :shrug: Maybe I just need to try and focus on everything else thats going on right now instead, my OH keeps telling me that me stressing about it can't be helping either, and he's right... for once lol.
Aw hun, I hope you're not too fed up with it. Have you done any more tests? Do you think youre pregnant or not really sure? 
Maybe when you get a faint line, post them up on here and see what people think? They might not be as faint as you think and women on here seem to be line spotting pros lol.
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah I know, It's just we've been fighting so much and arguing, we both get soo wound up with eachother. Then otherdays we are absolutely fine! ...All loved up again like how we used to be :cloud9:
I hope things get better for you two hunny bun :hugs:
Yeah I would love to be able to do that. It just really frustrates me. My friend had unprotected sex and if she's pregnant it's an innocent life being killed because of her stupidity and carelessness. I understand some people have genuine reasons that I find easier to except, but her's makes my sould burn inside.
Bless, well we seemed to just call it Lil Roo when I was pregnant. And after the MC, in Tesco's was a Little Roo teddy bear, that you can pull some string at the back and it plays a lullaby :cloud9: I thought it'd be lovely for our new baby as a way of remembering our first lil one :)
Eurgh I hate packing, with my mum we've moved 12 houses!! So yeah since from a young age I've had to pack, and pack....and pack!
Ahh is it possible that it isn't bad line eye? Do you ever have anyone else look at them? :)
Well I feel pregnant, and I have a lot of symptoms. Lines seem to be getting fainter though :/ Which yet again isn't a good sign.
And I would love to be able to post pics but I've got a crappy phone that can't connect to my laptop in anyway! pffh!! xxxx


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## PrettyUnable

I totally get that!! It's almost like we're two different couples. The loved up couple that we were before the miscarriage, and the couple that fights over nothing because of the miscarriage. I'm sure we'll get past it and things will get easier, it's just crappy at the time.
Thanks, and you :hugs:
My opinion on it all has changed alot since ttc and the miscarriage, and like you, the people who have genuine reasons, I can understand. But when they're just too selfinvolved and selfish with their own life to care about the life that they have created - that really riles me up.
That's lovely hun. We decided at the time not to tell Mia what was happening, so she doesn't know I was even pregnant or miscarried. But we've said that when we get pregnant again, I want to tell her around 10weeks so she can be involved and come to the first scan etc, and may tell her about Baby Bo then. She's 9 so she's old enough to understand and would deal with it ok, I hope and think.
I hate packing and unpacking too. I only like it when everything is all settled in the new house and I can relax and think "Ah, this is home". We only moved to this house in February lol..just didn't expect such an amazing house to come up, so we just had to go for it :)
No I'm pretty sure they've been negatives, and I haven't asked my OH to look at them because hes very blunt at times and I wouldnt want him to upset me or us to argue over it, because I'm grasping for a line that isn't there and he will tell me exactly that, that it isn't there. With the chemical in March, the lines were faint but there and he was like "Hm, but theyre so faint I don't count them as a proper line". I hated him for saying that sort of stuff.
I feel like something is going on with me, but I've no idea what. My boobs are slightly tender and I've a weird achey full feeling in my tummy/lower back. So I'm hoping I'm either pregnant and don't want to admit it incase Im not, or AF is getting ready. Either would great now as I'm CD36 :(
That's good hun, I really hope you are pregnant :flower:
What tests are you using? When I was pregnant the ics didn't show up a proper line until my hcg levels blood test came back in the 400s, before that they were so faint they could have been evaps, so I'm always unsure of the lines I get when using them :dohh:
That sucks you can't upload them on here, as I'm sure people could give you their line opinion lol :) 
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah :/ It's so hard though! We had a big arguement today too, and we've both had enough of it yet we can't stop :'(
Aww bless her :) I love the new avatar photo by the way!! ;)
Yeah and maybe in your new house you can think new house new beginning :D Fx'd hun!
Ahh bless, I do hope you get some answers with all of that - have you considered going to the Dr's or are you going to wait it out a bit longer?
Yeah, well I've been using Tesco Value ones as they've been quite good with bfp's early. But took one the other morning and this morning and they're back to bfn :cry: But I've been having weird pains in my stomach too so I thought that might not be a good thing :(
I just feel so down and low at the moment, I don't have the support from my family, OH works 12hr30mins a day :( When he's back we argue and here I am losing lil beans! I give up tbh.
How are you feeling? x x x


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## PrettyUnable

:hugs: I'm so sorry hun, I hope things get better between you soon, I really do.
Lol, thanks.. yeah I love that photo, but bless Mia, she's my little mini me, poor thing.
I know, thats exactly how I'm going into it all. That its the start of a new beginning, of great things. It makes me not want to wait lol.
Well I was just waiting it out, but I bought more ICs hpts and they came yesterday, so I took one, it was about 12 and there was the faintest line on there. Posted a thread on here and others said they can definately see it, my OH said he can see it but its vvv faint. So took one this morning with fmu and again it was faint, but there. Took one this evening around 5pm and it's a little bit darker but still faint. I'm too scared to get excited yet and I hate ICs for this, I wish they could be more definite with their lines :dohh:
So OH said he'll buy me a frer or cbdigi on Wednesday when he gets paid so we'll know for certain. If I'm not pregnant then I'll wait awhile longer then go to the drs to see if they can do anything to at least bring my periods back.
Aw hun, I hope you're ok? Do you think you should go to the epau because of the pains or at least the drs to confirm if you are pregnant or not?
I'm really sorry that you're having a such a tough time. I wish I could help :hugs: Don't give up! Everything will sort itself out and be ok and you will have your :bfp: with a sticky bean soon, I just know it!!
I'm abit confused tbh, I think I feel pregnant but I have really bad back ache, so not sure if its just that and I'm trying to convince myself that I'm actually pregnant because I desperately want to be.. :shrug:
:hugs: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Bless, you both look beautiful! It must be lovely to see yourself in your daughter :cloud9:
Eeeek hunny Im so excited for you!! When I was pregnant with Roo with IC's they were unbelievably faint! Had to be in the exact correct light to see them! But they were there! Then excatly 14dpo, took a Tesco Value one and :bfp: :) I so hope this is it for you hun, my fingers are crossed sooo tightly!! :D
Ouou Wednesday will come soon enough :) Are you planning to take it Wednesday or Thursday morning?
Yeah I would, It's just the way I was treated last time was soo horrible - they made me feel like a nuisance :cry:
Ahh symptoms are a pain in the bum aren't they!!! I have looads at the moment yet they never make any sense!!! Atleast your lines are a good sign!! Im going to find that thread now! x x x :hugs:


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## PrettyUnable

Yeah it is nice that she's like me, rather that than look like her father :haha:
Thanks hun :D We're so happy too :cloud9:
Took another ic this morning and its definately abit darker again.
God I really hope this is it this time and everything is ok. FXd.
I'm wary of going to the epau again too.. they treated me fine most times, there were the odd nurses who were just horrible. One said to me "There's no point in doing your bloods, you've obviously miscarried". This was on my 3rd blood test and we didn't actually miscarry until a month later - stupid bitch.
I'm slightly worried that they'll tell me off too :dohh: As we didn't wait for AF before trying again so my dating will be hard for them... Whoops :blush:
OH and me are so happy now, since the digital but we've had some arguements over the weekend over this. He's just so negative it hurts. He said he can't be happy, excited or think everything will be ok until the docs say everything is. I understand but I also need to be positive so I don't stress myself out or worry myself sick. It all feels different for me this time, except the back and hip ache, thats the same, but I feel like it's going to be fine. But maybe thats just because I want it to be.
He said if we go through the same thing again it would crush and kill him, but does that mean it isn't worth trying to get pregnant or getting pregnant? Nobody wants to, or finds it easy to deal with loosing a baby. I need him to be happy and supportive right now...and he is trying but he is naturally more pessimistic than I am which is hard to deal with at times :?
How are you doing hun? Have you tested since? It'd be amazing if you get your :bfp: soon too, we can be bump buddies :happydance: :hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Haha bless :)
Awww I bet your soo happy!! So you should be hunny, you deserve it! This will be it for you!
And I had that experience with EPU too they said I was miscarrying, but they were wrong cos month later had a scan and saw bubba with HB. Then 4 days began bleedin again and lost it then.
Ahh don't worry about them - your pregnant again!!! Concentrate on yourself and loved ones around you :)
I know what you mean hunny, to be honest im like your OH lol, Im rather pessimistic, but the difference is I still hope :) I hope I'm pregnant and always pray everything will be ok.
I did a test this morning and there is 'a line' but what it means I can't really tell as of yet. as it's there but cant see much colour as such :( 
And yes that'd be awsome :) Even if I catch it next month would be just as good :) As me and OH said if this isn't 'ours' this month, we're going to do as much as we can to get it next month :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

I hope you're right, I really am praying for it.
I appreaciate all the EPAU did for me, and I will go back to them, it just sucks when there are one or two members of staff who don't seem to know how to deal with people at all with any compassion or tact. If I see the same nurse again, she better watch out :grr:
That's what I keep focussing on... the face that we got that positive. We're pregnant :happydance:
I understand why he is pessimistic.. I just wish I could help relieve his worries somewhat and make him relax abit about it. I don't want us to regret not being happy and excited now, just incase the worst happens again.
Oooh exciting hun, I really wish you could post some pics up so can see your lines :)
My first tests on Saturday were so faint, Adam thought I was just clutching at straws and being a desperate woman, but they've got darker each day. What is weird though is that the later in the day that I do the test, the darker the line is. It seems faint when I test with FMU. I did the CBDigital around 2pm.
Exactly hun, if this isn't your month there is always next month. To me the 2week wait to test after ovulation is the worst, not AF. Because with getting AF you get the fresh start to catch the new egg. But with the two week wait I get so impatient and just want to know whether I'm pregnant or not right away lol.
I so hope this is your month hun, it'd be amazing and you both deserve it so much :hugs: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Haha yeah don't stand for their shit! :guns:
It is hard. Pregnancy does test every bit of patience and trust. Me and OH agreed we took Roo for granted, and it had to take us to lose Roo before we realised just as how lucky we was.
Just remember every pregnancy is different hun. And they usually say trust your instinct, normally us women know if something goes wrong. If your optimistic all will be ok then it will be!
Yes that would be amazing, I want it soo badly!
And I asked my brother yesterday if he had a USB flash drive and he should be bringing it today so i may be able to post. Things is, my phone is actually SHIT with the camera, and they're rather very faint anyway :nope: xxx


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## jessica716

prettyunable....

Just seen that you got a :bfp: I'm so pleased for you huni!!

(Excuse the lurking, i like to see how the ttcal ladies are doing from time to time after being here myself last year)

Fingers crossed that bean stays happy and healthy for you :hugs:


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## PrettyUnable

I feel like everything will be ok, but maybe it's just because I want it to be so much.. guess we won't know until we after blood tests and scans etc.
That'd be good if you can upload some, and like people told me with my faint lines, a line is still a line. As long as there is some colour to it, it isn't an evap.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you hun :hugs: xxx


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## PrettyUnable

jessica716 said:


> prettyunable....
> 
> Just seen that you got a :bfp: I'm so pleased for you huni!!
> 
> (Excuse the lurking, i like to see how the ttcal ladies are doing from time to time after being here myself last year)
> 
> Fingers crossed that bean stays happy and healthy for you :hugs:

Thanks Jessica :)

That's ok, I lurk on loads of threads myself, it's what makes this site so great I think.
I'm sorry for your loss, your avatar photo of your little one is gorgeous :flower:

Thanks so much, I'm really hoping and praying this little bean sticks :cloud9:
Elle.xxx


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## jessica716

PrettyUnable said:


> jessica716 said:
> 
> 
> prettyunable....
> 
> Just seen that you got a :bfp: I'm so pleased for you huni!!
> 
> (Excuse the lurking, i like to see how the ttcal ladies are doing from time to time after being here myself last year)
> 
> Fingers crossed that bean stays happy and healthy for you :hugs:
> 
> Thanks Jessica :)
> 
> That's ok, I lurk on loads of threads myself, it's what makes this site so great I think.
> I'm sorry for your loss, your avatar photo of your little one is gorgeous :flower:
> 
> Thanks so much, I'm really hoping and praying this little bean sticks :cloud9:
> Elle.xxxClick to expand...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

I had an ectopic at 10 weeks and resulted in a ruptured tube so had to have it removed in July last year.... In the September i had my :bfp: and got my rainbow baby...

I hope that it goes the same for you and your little rainbow bean makes an appearance next May like mine did this year

:hugs:

Will be stalking you now to see how you and little bean get on :haha:


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## xxxjessxxx

PrettyUnable said:


> I feel like everything will be ok, but maybe it's just because I want it to be so much.. guess we won't know until we after blood tests and scans etc.
> That'd be good if you can upload some, and like people told me with my faint lines, a line is still a line. As long as there is some colour to it, it isn't an evap.
> I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you hun :hugs: xxx

Bless :) I can't imagine how terrified I'd be :nope: but I think that's just expected :)
Everything will be fine hunny :) So what are your next steps with it all now hun?
Yeah that's the thing. Sometimes I think - there's colour. And other times I don't.
It's just they're coming up on every test I pee on :wacko: x x x


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## xxxjessxxx

Aha good ole brothers!!! :)
Well firstly, my camera on my phone is crap, and they are FAINT but there.
The first photo is literally 30 SECONDS after, as the ink is still running through near the control line. But the line was visible to the eye.
https://i1093.photobucket.com/albums/i440/xXxjessxXx92x/IMG0070A.jpg
The next few are when they're drying until they're dried.
https://i1093.photobucket.com/albums/i440/xXxjessxXx92x/IMG0131A.jpg
https://i1093.photobucket.com/albums/i440/xXxjessxXx92x/IMG0074A.jpg
https://i1093.photobucket.com/albums/i440/xXxjessxXx92x/IMG0089A.jpg
And now when it's dried...
https://i1093.photobucket.com/albums/i440/xXxjessxXx92x/IMG0147A.jpg

Thing is, I've done a few and they're all the same! :wacko: xxx


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## PrettyUnable

jessica716 said:


> Thanks so much, it's all we are hoping for, that everything is just ok.
> Stalk away, I'll be updating all the time I'm sure, just hope it's all good.
> :hugs:
> xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Yeah, it's to be expected that I'm scared of it happening again.. just wish and hope that it won't.
I'm going to ring the EPAU tomorrow and see what they suggest. As I'm only about 2-3 weeks pregnant from what I can figure out, so they could do bloods but it'd be too early for a scan until around 5-6weeks.
I'm so glad you posted the pics!!! I definately see the line on the first test, but I can't make the pics bigger to have a look at the others.
Exciting, I really hope this is your bfp!!! :happydance:
How about putting the pics on a thread in the pregnancy tests section and ask people to tweak the pics like I did? Can ususally see the lines better then. Might help put your mind at ease abit?
:hugs:
xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Just looked again and I can see faint lines in the 3rd and 4th pics too!!xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

PrettyUnable said:


> Yeah, it's to be expected that I'm scared of it happening again.. just wish and hope that it won't.
> I'm going to ring the EPAU tomorrow and see what they suggest. As I'm only about 2-3 weeks pregnant from what I can figure out, so they could do bloods but it'd be too early for a scan until around 5-6weeks.
> I'm so glad you posted the pics!!! I definately see the line on the first test, but I can't make the pics bigger to have a look at the others.
> Exciting, I really hope this is your bfp!!! :happydance:
> How about putting the pics on a thread in the pregnancy tests section and ask people to tweak the pics like I did? Can ususally see the lines better then. Might help put your mind at ease abit?
> :hugs:
> xxx


I'll wish and hope for you too lovely :) Although I'm sure it's completely un-needed because everything will be fine :)
They might give you a scan maybe anyway, just to see if they can have guess at how far you are. At a guess though, they'll most likely do bloods :)
Keep us updated!!
Yeah they're just driving me up the wall.
AF is due tomorrow, and to be honest... I don't actually feel like she's going to come for once :shrug: So it'll be a surprise if she does.
Yeah I was thinking that, but still debating it. If I had a better camera though you'd be able to see that they're more visible when they're seen first person :/ xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Lol, thanks hun.. so why can't you be that positive for yourself?? You should be :)

Yeah, I'd hope and like them to do at least bloods. I think if I had a scan this early again I'd only worry if we didn't see anything. If I was 4/5 weeks along I may relax more about having a scan, particularly if my hcg levels are good. They were low last time. I know everyone is different so I may not release a high amount of hcg levels, but I just think if they are higher, I'll feel better, like everything is ok.
I will definately keep you updated :)
Theres one big difference with how I'm feeling to last time. Before I got my positives last time, I was so nauseaos all the time, put me off eating. But I haven't had any of that this time and I didn't when I was pregnant with Mia either (shocking that I can remember that far back, I know :haha: )
I really hope AF doesn't show up tomorrow hun, let me know if she does or doesn't. I'll be thinking of you and praying for your bfp :)
My tests were like that, so faint, but could see them more in real life. I thought when I put the pics up that people would just laugh and tell me to get a grip that there was nothing there. But particularly when the pics were tweaked it helped to see the lines more - I'm not crazy :happydance:
What about doing a FRER or a digital test hun? Or do you think it's too early to?
I was terrified doing the digital test yesterday... I couldn't pee for ages!! Lol, but I was convinced it wouldnt say what I wanted, that I was just fooling myself. When Pregnant popped up within seconds I was dancing around and yelling for Adam lol..
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

True. I dont know. I hope more than anything for this to be the start of an early bfp. But I just doubt luck will go that way :/
I understand what you mean hun :) I think your HCG levels will come back beautifully, and if they won't do them you can ask for them :)
That's a good sign :) I remember a woman on here before saying that when she had a miscarriage she had certain symptoms, that we're different to when she was pregnant the second time, and the second time gave her a LO. And she said then, that it reassured her because her symptoms were different :thumbsup:
I will be sure to let you know hunny :) Im praying she doesn't too <<haha optimism ;) lol
Hmm I was considering today to get an FRER, OH doesn't like me spending the money though :nope: Once I can see clear colour in the line atleast I'll do one :)
When I was pregnant with Roo, tesco's one didn't show up until I was 14dpo so who knows :shrug: xxx


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## PrettyUnable

I still agree with a line is a line, if theres colour there it isn't an evap so I really hope this is a early :bfp: for you :) 
Yeah, I will ask them to do them I think if they don't mention it. I'm just nervous about it all. Atm I'm in a happy bubble thinking everything is fine.. and I'm just worried going to the epau would burst that bubble..but it's better to know whats going on than not.. just don't want to stress myself out :nope:
I said to OH about it last night that I feel like it's a good sign but he doesn't get it. He said he doesn't see what difference that makes :dohh:
Very optimistic lol.. I'm sure she won't show up hun :)
I couldn't wait anymore, the not being sure of the lines was driving me crazy, thats why went to get the cbdigital - they're on offer in superdrug atm by the way for £9.49 for 2pack.
I can understand why he isn't keen on you buying them, they are so expensive. But I hope you get to find out soon :hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

yeah I think that too, still got lines and AF still hasn't arrived. AF always comes the day she's due. Sometimes a day early. But always arrives in the morning. SO this is my second day with no AF :)
Ahh im sure everything will be ok hunny :) Try not to think bad and stay in that bubble!! :) Do you find it hard with your OH? Have you told anyone else yet?
Ouou that's interesting :) Your lines weren't THAT faint though from the picture you sent on BnB :)
Mine are still rather very faint and so I doubt that CB would pick it up :/ x x x


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## PrettyUnable

:happydance: Ooooh it's looking good for you hun :D

Yeah I'm still happily in my bubble. I called the EPAU yesterday and they said to call them back in 2 weeks to book to come in, as it'd be too early to see anything on scan yet and it's best for me to try and relax and not be stressed about not seeing baby on the scan. So said to OH I'm going to call them on the 12th and see if they can fit me in that week or early the week after.
September is going to be a busy month for us, with new pregnancy and moving. My poor OH will be knackered lol. It's our 1 year anniversary on the 19th too so we've agreed to try and celebrate it in October instead.
It is hard with my OH, it's just his nature to be very protective of himself and think negatively. We had quite a (heated) talk aoout it though, so he is trying to be more positive for me so I don't stress out. And I think it's actually working as he seems genuinely excited about it all now too.
We told my mum and my nan last night, and both were happy for us, obviously hoping everything is ok this time. So OH is going to tell his parents today.. I wish I could tell the whole world already :haha:
I'm just feeling so much happier and more positive this time :cloud9: Only slight symptoms I've got that aren't too pleasant though is have really bad lower back and hip ache - making me look like a geriatric :dohh:
The veins on my boobs are like a big blue roadmap and my sense of smell is making me gag at things that I normally like, like OHs aftershave :sick:
Oooh I bought those tablets last night from tescos you recommended, so took the first one this morning - the tablet size is abit of a beast though!! And I'm bit worried about the iron in them... TMI - but I easily get constipated without taking any iron, so I can see me taking lactulose soon to help :sick:

I'm still doing ICs every morning and to me they are still quite faint, but I find that with those tests. Which is why I cave in and buy more expensive tests like frers and cbdigitals. You can do a CBDigital from the first day of your missed period and I'm sure with frers its like 4days or more before you miss your period.
I was terrified of doing the digital incase it didn't say pregnant, as it would crush all my hope of being pregnant, so I understand putting off doing one for awhile.
What's the sensitivity of the tests youre doing? My ICs are 10mIU and clearblue digitals are 25mIU.
I'm dying for you to test with a better brand of test and get your :bfp: lol 
:hugs: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah, it's got my hopes up I must admit :) I keep thinking the witch has come, so I go to check and it's just looads of CM lol :blush:
Ahh bless him - Im glad he's being more optimistic now :) It's not fair on you to have to worry about it and having him being pessimistic on top of everything as well.
Me and OH's year's anniversary is 13 days after yours!
Don't you think so much stauff can happen in a year lol!!
Bless, it's understandable wanting to tell everyone! Maybe you do because you know everything will be ok this time around too :)
Hahah bless, I hate having a back ache - oes it make it hard to sleep?
Because these last two nights I've been sooo achey I really can't get hardly any sleep :(
Bless, my boobs are really veiny too, got montgomery tubercles appearing and my boobs are sooo sore too!! Are yours hurting as well?
those tablets are ok yes, very big though ;) i don't think I've ever been constipated, but I've heard it isn't pleasant - so fx'd we both don't have it bad if I'm pregnant too :)
Are you going to do a CB to see 2-3 weeks, and 3+ ?
I did do an FRER yesterday with a little bit of diluted wee lol and a slight slight hint of a line appeared, trying not to use the other one until i see a decent line on a different test. Im currently using cheapies from Savers and Tesco Value one's which are all 25miu. I've ordered 30 10miu's though lol so fx'd they arrive soon!! :) xxx


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## PrettyUnable

I'm not surprised, it's even got my hopes up for you :flower:
Yeah I'm glad he is too and he is really trying. He just called his parents and told them and theyre really happy for us too. So we're all happy :happydance: And yeah I keep thinking thats why I want to tell the world because this time it all feels ok and good.. 
Blimey!!! Lol..quite a few similarities with us hun in the same year too!!
I know, it's mad to think it hasn't even been a year yet.. but soooo worth it :cloud9:
Yeah, it hurts to sit, stand, walk and lie down. I keep waking in the night in pain :nope:
My boobs are tender to touch or if I lie on my tummy, and I'm pretty sure theyre bigger already as I'm almost bursting out of the top of the bra cups :cry:
It really isn't pleasant at all, so yeah, I really hope neither of us end up being constipated.
Got the other test so said I want to do it the end of next week, so hopefully will say 2-3weeks or 3+, I've never had that on a test before and I can't wait :happydance:
Oooh exciting!!! You are SOOOOOOOO preggers too!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::hugs:
Let me know when you tests with the 10miu, really hope you get a clearer line :hugs: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Haha aww thanks hunny :) 
Naaaww I'm truly glad they're happy for you :) Did they know about Bo?
lol they're definitely is!
OH seems to of cheered up completely since me being late and him being 100% sure I'm preggers. He's beein really sweet and telling me 'make sure you do...' 'make sure you dont..' lol...bless him. I think I'm pregnant too, as the lines do have a slight colour in them, they appear within the time limit, and they've appeared on looads of tests. Evaps couldn't possibly do that to me lol. Except used an FRER mid day, and nothing came up except an annoying second white line :( Which puts me back to being doubtful again. But the symptoms are all still there and not bled so im guessing I should still be optimistic :)
Ouou you'l have to post that too lol!! :)
Yes as soon as I get a clearer line that'll be good :)
I guess I could've ovulated later as I stopped checking around CD19 lol. But didn't use OPK's either, so could've missed it on any day :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

We're really glad they're happy too - they know we miscarried. My mum knew during and we told my nan after as didn't want to worry her.
We haven't told anyone, except on here, about calling the baby Bo. I like that it's private for us.
Aw thats really sweet hun and you are totally preggers!!!!
They aren't evaps and you'll get a clear line soon I'm sure.
I will definately post my updated cbdigital, as long as it's actually changed :dohh: I'm desperate to do it already but trying to hold out for another week first.
I've got everything crossed for you hun :hugs:
We're going to take Mia to see the new house now, sooooo excited, can't wait :happydance:
How are you feeling today?xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Aww, that's nice you keep everyone knowing :)
Done more tests today and still lines that are slowly getting there ;)
Haha bless, you silly donut it will change!!! looking forward to seeing it :) Are you still testing with other tests?
Eeek she must be sooo excited!! Enjoy hunny :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

xxxjessxxx said:


> Aww, that's nice you keep everyone knowing :)
> Done more tests today and still lines that are slowly getting there ;)
> Haha bless, you silly donut it will change!!! looking forward to seeing it :) Are you still testing with other tests?
> Eeek she must be sooo excited!! Enjoy hunny :) x x x

It's more of a case that my OH can barely shut me up lol, he's managed to restrain me to just telling my mum, my nan and my best friend. I've got to tell my sister as well yet.
I would love to tell everyone - I know it's best not to, I'm just so happy and positive, I want to gush and tell everyone the news :blush:
Ooooh yay :thumbup: We're totally going to be bump buddies :happydance:

That's my worry from the miscarriage - we knew things weren't ok when after 2 weeks it still said 1-2weeks on there... so I'm just scared that it could be the same :nope:
But yeah I'm still testing with ICs with FMU and then again around 10-11am and I get a darker result than the previous day on the mid morning tests :shrug:
Don't know why my fmu isn't really working, it still shows a clear line with it but its more like the test from the day before.

It went so well showing her the house, she loves it. We're soooo glad and soooo happy :happydance: I can't believe all this good is happening - all I need now is to get lucky in one of my interviews and get a job :haha: :dohh: 
xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun,
Thought I'd upload photo of my tests to show you what I mean about it getting darker..

The top test is from yesterday around 6am
The bottom test is this morning at 10am

Seems like the later I pee, the darker the line... my body just has to be different to everyone else apparently :dohh:

How are you feeling today?
I was feeling great yesterday, just tired, but my back and hips are killing me today and I barely slept so am knackered - poor OH, I'm a right moody cow because of it :haha:

When are you going to do a frer or digital test?
I'm so excited for you - the wait is like Christmas lol :coffee:
xxx
 



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## PrettyUnable

Todays tests

Top one was done at 8am so it's dried out again and bottom one I did at around 12.30.

Hope you're ok hun.
:hugs:
xxx
 



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## sequeena

I'm so sorry for your loss but congratulations and I so hope this is the one for you :hugs:


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## PrettyUnable

Thanks very much sequeena :)


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## jessica716

oooh look at them lovely bfps!! :happydance:


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## xxxjessxxx

Hi Hunny, Sorry It's such a late reply. I haven't been on since I last replied.
Things aren't too great, me and OH nearly split up over the weekend. We're fine now and back to normal but I've also started bleeding again :cry: :cry: :cry:
I knew something wasn't right, as I started having pains in my stomach similar to the two times before, and then a few hours later started having bright red blood.
It got to almost 'gushing' out of me at one point it was so heavy.
I feel like giving up and not having OH around me all day to support me makes it all the more harder :cry:

Im soo glad everythings good with though!! Eeek it's all exciting for you madam :D
SO when are you taking a digi? Your so much more patient than me lol! x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Oh hun, I'm so so so sorry :hugs: Don't be sorry for not replying, I was just getting worried about you, even said to OH I hoped you were ok.. :hugs:
I'm glad you and OH are back together.
I'm so sorry.
Did you go to the doctors or into a&e?
Don't give up. Have you thought about going to the Doctors for them to investigate what is going on?

Yeah everything is ok, I had severe cramps on Sunday though, I was lying on the bathroom floor crying in pain with them - feeling so dizzy and sick and sweating buckets. I thought that was it. But luckily, fingers crossed, haven't had any bleeding yet. But I'm going to ring the EPAU at the end of this week instead of next week, so hopefully will get seen early next week - I need some reassurance that everything is going ok. It really scared us both and brought us back down to reality, that yeah we are pregnant but we've lost 2 babies and we could lose this baby still.

I really want to take the digi earlier now but I'm holding out for my OH, I promised him I would. So I'm only going to take it on Saturday or Sunday. Sunday will be 2 weeks after I took the last so hopefully it will change to at least 2-3 if not 3+ by then. God I hope so.

I really wish I could give you a big hun, I know there isn't anything anyone can do to make it better but I'm here if you ever need to talk :hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Thanks hun, we didnt brake up though... just got very close :(
He said he's sick of having to deal with all my hormones but not having a baby at the end of it. I said don't you think I am too?!!?
Yeah I wanted too, we were supposed to this month, but OH said he 'promises' we weill at the end of this month.. but I'm not holding onto that. If he doesn't I'm going on my own :(
Oh dear hun, Im sure everythings ok though, It's probably just your womb stretching for your lovely growing baby :) Or you could have twins lol so it's growing even faster! :rofl:
Everything will be ok hun :hugs: I'd ring the epau though and just see if you can get seen, because regarding what they see you'll very likely be seen again in a week or so :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

I'm glad you didn't break up. This is all such a hard journey and time, it really does test a relationship. But it only makes everything stronger after. Think of the year you've had together, you've been through so much. If it's like me and Adam it feels like we've been together forever and that there isn't anything we can't get through together now. 
He's probably afraid to go to the Doctors hun, I know my OH is at the thought. We've been ttc for 7months and I said to him if we lose another baby or it gets to a year ttc then I would be going to the docs, and I'd want him to go too. He said he would but would be afraid that something is wrong with him. I said if there is that we'd deal with whatever it is. But the likelyhood is, if I lose this baby, that there is something wrong with me - not him. But I would want to know what it is, it's the not knowing what is going wrong that is worse. I think.
Lol your twins comment really made me giggle - Adam would love twins!! I'd be terrified I think lol. Just one happy little bean is good for me. 
I posted some threads on here about it to ask if anyone else has had them, as it happend after sex/orgasm. And people said yes and its ok generally as long as not bleeding as well.
Yeah, I think I'm about 5 weeks pregnant this week.. so if I ring tomorrow or Thursday hopefully they'll fit me in. If I'd thought I shouldve called this morning but they're only open from 8.30 - 10am here, they only deal with if you have an appointment or come in through a&e after that time.
:hugs: 
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah it definitely tests you. We've had an arguement today, probably me just over reacting but it just really pisses me off. Like today he's gone to work, his job is a gateman for security. So he gets paid 8.50 an hour to sit there and let people in and out. However because it's empty today because of the weather, he's sitting in his cabin watching TV. It just reaally annoys me!! When I worked as a carer, I got 6.10 an hour and i was slaving away working my arse off, as loooads of people do. And there's my OH sitting in his cabin watching TV. Just reaally pisses me off. (rant over lol)
I was thinking he might be afraid, but then I think it's more to do with the fact of effort probably knowing him.
Ahh that's good to know honey :) Could it of been round ligament pain? x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Blimey - what a lucky sod!!! Lol, I know many people would kill for a job like that. Me included - but atm I'd just kill for any job lol.
I don't blame you for the rant though, at all. So many people get paid so much less for doing much more.
Well if it is that he just can't be bothered with the effort of it then like you said, just go on your own. But I do hope that he actually shapes up and goes with you at the end of this month like he said.

I don't think so - although I've never experienced that so not sure how painful that is. But this was so painful, I was terrified and was convinced I was going to start bleeding heavily and that I was losing the baby. My poor OH didn't know what to do, especially as he was in the middle of cooking dinner for his 2year old and she was being really mizzy because he was cooking and not playing with her.
If I'd said yes he would have rushed me to a&e but I wanted to wait. I can't stand the fuss of hospitals etc, which I know is silly. And my OH told me later that night that if the pain hadnt gone within an hour (it went after 45mins) then he was going to ring for an ambulance. :dohh:
I'm just such a wimp I think, my pain threshold must be so low lol.
I was planning/hoping to have a water birth with just gas and air but if that pain was like "mild contractions", which is how one woman on here described them, then I've no hope... it'll be an epidural all the way for me lol.
I didn't go into labour, have contractions or anything with Mia - she was born by emergency c-section and I was under general anesthetic. So it will all be new for me and I'm terrified!!! :blush:
OH finds that hilarious lol...and keeps winding me up saying my hooha will stretch to the size of a melon and sending me youtube birthing videos :haha:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

I know! He just had a huge arguement about how he's not coming home tonight and blah blah blah. Now we're ok again... for now :(
Yeh, to him promises mean nothing - he always says 'well i can take it back' and I think 'errr no, that's the point of promises' It's just all immature and childish :nope:
Ahhhh bless him, that's sooooo sweet!! He sounds like he's getting more 'into it all' now :)
Haha isn't your OH nice and pleasant! I'd love a water birth too, I've heard it eases the pain by sooo much!! :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Aw hun - big hugs!! He sounds like he's being a right immature pain in the arse.. are you sure it's not him that is being affected by pregnancy hormones!?
Yeah he is, but Sunday really scared him. He is still being very positive and excited, but he's just abit more cautious and worried now.
I told him I want to ring the EPAU tomorrow instead to try and get seen sooner and he said "If you think thats best, then thats what we'll do".
And he's promised that if all goes well with a scan and blood test and we get good news then we'll go to mothercare afterwards to have a look at prams and maybe buy first babygro :flower:

God I know - he's such a wind up merchant, I think he's terrified of the birth though too, incase I punch him for being annoying :trouble:
Yeah, I really hope I can have a water birth, I know its a long way off yet, but I can just imagine it being so much more relaxing..
xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun,
How are things today?
Just wanted to tell you - I called the EPAU, going in on Friday morning at 9.15am :happydance:
I'm so excited and scared but can't wait to find out how things are and hopefully the baby will be in the right place this time :)
OH doesn't know if he can get time from work to come though :cry: He works from home as an IT Incident Manager - so he basically has to be on a lot of telephone meetings and does a ton of reports. He does really want to come.
I hope he can. I don't want to go through it alone again. I was alone for all the bloods and first scans when they couldn't find the baby.. he could only make the appointments at the end - when we knew things were bad. But I need him through all of it.
I know maybe thats abit selfish of me, but do you know what I mean? I need his support through it all. If we get good or bad news.
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey sorry for the late reply, OH said we were over today :cry: However now he's said he didn't say that just felt like that, but in the text he said "..and for that we are over" And I asked if that was definitely and he said yes. But now he's suddenly saying that's just how he felt :shrug: However we're ok again now after a long talk on the phone.
Anyway I'll answer your replies :)
Aww my that's adorable - I bet your well excited to get looking at prams and buying things :flower:
Im so please you've got an appointment!!! I wish you could update me before 10am lol cos I'm going to a wedding tomorrow. Wish you all the best hunny :)
And that is not selfish at all hunny! Don't know why you even thought that! I hope he goes with you :) Fx'd he does, but im sure you'll have NOTHING to worry about. Have you given into the digi yet? x x x


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## seb89

Totally stalking PrettyUnable :) and xxxJessxxx is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, he sounds like too much work... sounds like maybe you should take some power back and break up with him for once cause he realizes he can do whatever he wants and you will just be right there... tell him its over from your end for once and see if he will understand what that feels like and stop doing it to you.... you seem too nice to be treated like crap :) <3


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## Mon_n_john

seb89 said:


> Totally stalking PrettyUnable :) and xxxJessxxx is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, he sounds like too much work... sounds like maybe you should take some power back and break up with him for once cause he realizes he can do whatever he wants and you will just be right there... tell him its over from your end for once and see if he will understand what that feels like and stop doing it to you.... you seem too nice to be treated like crap :) <3

Totally agree! Im stalking too and Jess you are far too young, pretty, and sweet to be treated like that. You deserve to be treated much better. If I were you I would really rethink that relationship. I got rid of a bad ex-boyfriend once and it paved the way for meeting the man of my dreams, the true love of my life, my husband.


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun - Don't be sorry at all. I only hope everything is ok when you don't come all thats all :hugs:
I do agree with the other comments, are you sure staying together is what you want? I know you've been through so much together, but is it worth it if he keeps treating you this way? Been all up and down all the time?
Only you can know if its right for you to stay together or not but either way I'm here if you ever need to talk to someone not involved and (hopefully) impartial. You're much too lovely to be unhappy with someone :hugs:

The scan went so well :) I burst into tears as our little baby was right there, the sonographer found our little bean within seconds :happydance: We're about 5weeks and 2 days along, so we saw the sac and the yolk. Got to go back in 2 weeks time and hopefully see little ones heartbeat :happydance:
I'm so happy and relieved that the baby is in the right place :cloud9: I was terrified before, praying that everything would be ok.
My OH did come with me and he was great, he really helped me try to stay positive.
They're so happy with everything that I didn't have to have any bloods done!!! :happydance: They said it all looks good and next thing is to see that heartbeat, so I have to take things easy.
Easier said than done when we're moving in 11 days :dohh: but OH won't even let me open the car door for myself, let alone carry anything!! :haha:
We went to mothercare to celebrate!! Looked at and pushed prams - the sales assistant thought we were nuts but I don't care (My OH wouldn't even let me carry the mothercare catalogue lol). Then went to Asda and I know it goes against every superstition and old wives tale but we bought the baby it's first little baby grow :cloud9:

Yeah I totally caved on Wednesday night and did the digi :dohh: it said 2-3 weeks :happydance: So it's about right with the sac measurements, I think if I did another digi early next week it should go up to 3+ but I'd just have to figure out how to convince OH to let me buy one first lol.

I hope you're ok hun and having a lovely time in the wedding.
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Mon_n_john said:


> seb89 said:
> 
> 
> Totally stalking PrettyUnable :) and xxxJessxxx is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, he sounds like too much work... sounds like maybe you should take some power back and break up with him for once cause he realizes he can do whatever he wants and you will just be right there... tell him its over from your end for once and see if he will understand what that feels like and stop doing it to you.... you seem too nice to be treated like crap :) <3
> 
> Totally agree! Im stalking too and Jess you are far too young, pretty, and sweet to be treated like that. You deserve to be treated much better. If I were you I would really rethink that relationship. I got rid of a bad ex-boyfriend once and it paved the way for meeting the man of my dreams, the true love of my life, my husband.Click to expand...




seb89 said:


> Totally stalking PrettyUnable :) and xxxJessxxx is this the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, he sounds like too much work... sounds like maybe you should take some power back and break up with him for once cause he realizes he can do whatever he wants and you will just be right there... tell him its over from your end for once and see if he will understand what that feels like and stop doing it to you.... you seem too nice to be treated like crap :) <3

Thanks hunnies :)
Yes he is DEFINITELY too much work, yet I haven't had enough as of yet. I know I'm probably crazy :wacko:
I do often feel like he's walking over me, but Friday I told him things are changing.
I went to a wedding that day (he was invited but he had to go to work) and he was texting me saying who you talking to? So I was saying just people, he was like 'any men?' and then he was asking what they were asking and so on! My mum said it's ridiculous and I thought... Yes, it is! So I text him saying I'll talk when we get back. I told him it's healthy to have a bit of jealousy but his is trampling on our relationship. He did start getting all moody and arguementative on Saturday and Sunday, but I thought you know what? I'm not going to have this. So I said we're not arguing and kissed him on the cheek. And then he comes around to his good mood again and says sorry.
I had a huge think though, and it wouldn't be fair to bring a baby into this. SO I told him we are not TTC this month. It's one of the hardest things I've decided but he needs to show me this month that he's going to change x x


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## xxxjessxxx

PrettyUnable said:


> Hey hun - Don't be sorry at all. I only hope everything is ok when you don't come all thats all :hugs:
> I do agree with the other comments, are you sure staying together is what you want? I know you've been through so much together, but is it worth it if he keeps treating you this way? Been all up and down all the time?
> Only you can know if its right for you to stay together or not but either way I'm here if you ever need to talk to someone not involved and (hopefully) impartial. You're much too lovely to be unhappy with someone :hugs:
> 
> The scan went so well :) I burst into tears as our little baby was right there, the sonographer found our little bean within seconds :happydance: We're about 5weeks and 2 days along, so we saw the sac and the yolk. Got to go back in 2 weeks time and hopefully see little ones heartbeat :happydance:
> I'm so happy and relieved that the baby is in the right place :cloud9: I was terrified before, praying that everything would be ok.
> My OH did come with me and he was great, he really helped me try to stay positive.
> They're so happy with everything that I didn't have to have any bloods done!!! :happydance: They said it all looks good and next thing is to see that heartbeat, so I have to take things easy.
> Easier said than done when we're moving in 11 days :dohh: but OH won't even let me open the car door for myself, let alone carry anything!! :haha:
> We went to mothercare to celebrate!! Looked at and pushed prams - the sales assistant thought we were nuts but I don't care (My OH wouldn't even let me carry the mothercare catalogue lol). Then went to Asda and I know it goes against every superstition and old wives tale but we bought the baby it's first little baby grow :cloud9:
> 
> Yeah I totally caved on Wednesday night and did the digi :dohh: it said 2-3 weeks :happydance: So it's about right with the sac measurements, I think if I did another digi early next week it should go up to 3+ but I'd just have to figure out how to convince OH to let me buy one first lol.
> 
> I hope you're ok hun and having a lovely time in the wedding.
> :hugs:
> xxx

Yeah I know, but this weekend, apart from him just starting to be grumpy and me stopping it, we actually had a lovely weekend :)
But thank you hunny, it's lovely to have someone to rant to and have and give support to :) Thanks :hugs:
Ohhhhhhh Im sooooo happy for you Elle :cloud9: :cloud9: :cloud9:
Ahhh I can't stop smiling for you hunny!!!! You desercve it soooo much!
Your OH sounds adorable!! I'm glad he's being like that now :)
Are you nearly/getting ready to pack?
It's funny your moving on my birthday :dohh:
Yaay go for the digi :happydance: :happydance: You'll have to secretly buy one and have some fruit juice to celebrate :haha: 
Yeah the wedding was lovely, my auntie was crying before she even got to the aisle bless her!!
Hows your past few days been? x x x


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## PrettyUnable

I'm glad you had a good weekend, enjoyed the wedding and have made a stand against your OH. Even though that stand means not ttc for awhile, it's the best thing for you both hun and no matter what people ever say and think a baby never brings a couple together, it tests everything between you so you need to be confident that you can get through it together.
You're welcome, you help me loads too by being able to let all my rants and moans out without upsetting anyone, its such a release lol.
Thats what we're here for right? :flower:
Thanks hun - we're so happy too. Can't wait for next scan now, so hoping and praying that everything is ok.
I took a ic that I have left, just because...well why not, and the test line is actually darker than the control line now! I know it's stupid to still be testing, but I can't help myself, it helps me feel like things are going ok.
Yeah we're in the middle of packing. It's a nightmare as OH is not letting me do pretty much anything. I love him for being so protective but at the same time we're moving in 8 days, I have to help pack something!!
He's told me as well that I won't be lifting anything, I can clean the old house and unpack light boxes in the new house, that's it :dohh:
He is amazing and adorable, he really will do anything for me and most people, he's a real gentleman... but he has his downsides like everyone. He's incredibly lazy and I'm forever cleaning and picking up after him, it does my nut in. He just doesn't think - like he will get things out of the fridge or cupboard to make food but can't put them back away... wtf?? I'm not a very tidy person but he makes me seem like I have ocd. I like things to have their place and I have my ways of doing things, so in the end it's just easier for him to cook for us(he is the much better cook out of the two of us) and me to clean for us.
God knows how we'll manage when the baby comes as I just know he will annoy me even more when I'm exhausted, worn out and trying to do everything. I just know full well that is when we will really test our relationship.
I'm determined to wish you happy birthday too!! Even with moving lol. What have you got planned for it?
Yeah, but I think Adam really wants to see that 3+ too so I'm pretty sure he'll let me get one when he's paid :)
I'm ok - totally exhausted by 9pm so don't know how I'm going to be when I'm actually showing and struggling to move or get comfy lol. I'm a moody cow now, god help everyone when that time comes.
I'm getting really bad nausea too, to the point that it stops me in my tracks and I think I'm going to be sick. I havent been yet though - fingers crossed it stays that way lol.
But so many smells just turn my stomach and make me heave, like toothpaste, toast and one of OHs aftershaves :haha:
I didn't get any nausea or sickness with Mia so this is a whole new experience for me and it isn't pleasant at all :nope: I really feel for the women who suffer with morning sickness for a long time. Just the nausea is bad enough for me :dohh:
Hope you're ok hun. Are you ok for me to keep telling you everything with the pregnancy etc? I'm not sure how I would feel in your position if our roles were reversed so if you'd rather I didn't tell you it all, that's fine, just let me know hun :hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Thanks hun. I know how much a baby tests you and your OH and it was exactly that reason why I said no TTC. It was so hard, but at the end of the day he needs to prove he is ready.
I feel so insecure everytime he says he's walking out or so on, because I think 'Is he still going to be like this when we have a baby?' If so, I can't be going through with that.
I've glad I've helped hunny :) Im always here for you :hugs:
Bless :) SO when is the next scan? Is your OH going to that one too? 
I still think that is soo adorable how he is being! Wish I was that lucky!! ....Im happy things are starting to turn around for you hunny :cloud9:
Lol bless, men are useless at cleaning!!
Ahh hunny, don't be silly! You'll be too here there and everywhere to wish me a happy birthday lol. And no, OH has planned my birthday this year :dohh: And I have no idea what he's got planned! He brought some of my prezzies on Saturday and he's kept them in the wardrobe - it's sooo tempting to look!!! :haha: He says he thinks one of them is going to bring a tear to my eye :shrug:
It's probably a good sign that your havng nausea ;) As nasty as it is atleast it means you've still got those crazy hormones inside :wacko:
And of course not hunny, it would be different if we didn't get on lol :haha: But because your such a lovely lady and you've been through a lot I am sooooooo happy for you :cloud9: Hopefully I'll be able to join in before you atleast get to 2nd trimester :)
But whatever shall happen is ameant to happen :)
SO have you thought of telling Mia any time sooner? :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

How are things now hun?
I really hope your OH realises the way he's behaving soon and shapes up to realise how lucky he is to have you.
I'm always here for you too hun :hugs:
Next scan is for Friday 23rd but need to rearrange it for Monday 26th if I can.
Yeah OH is coming with. We had quite a heated discussion about the fact that I was alone for alot of the appointments last time when I needed him and I won't go through any of it alone this time. If he wants to show how important I and his child are to him then he will be there for every midwife appointment, scan and everything else.
He is great but he really does have his downsides too - don't let the things I say fool you lol. Like he just doesn't think about what he does or says and the impact it has. He's hurt and upset me so many times with things like that, like when we're talking to people, he says stupid stuff like "I'm moving on the 20th " or "I'm moving to a bigger house". I know thats stupid but it really bugs me that he always thinks and says "I" not "we" or "us". 
He has done much worse though, like telling his ex (his now ex wife and mother of his daughter) all about me, telling her anything she asked about me. When it is none of her goddamn business. I could have killed him for that, it took us having some major rows for it to sink into his thick skull that he was hurting me so much.

Lol, I will still try and wish you happy birthday though :) I really hope you have a lovely day and your OH spoils you rotten :flower:
You'll have to let me know what they pressies are too lol.
Yeah we are taking the nausea as a good sign too, hoping it means things are progressing well. But it's weird for me as I've never had any nausea when pregnant before.
OH is convinced that must mean it's a boy :dohh:
I really hope so too hun :) It'd be lovely to have babies together in similar ages and share the whole journey with you :hugs:
One of OHs friends and his wife told us on the weekend they are expecting too, theyre about 4weeks along, so really early days like us. His wife, Kate, she is lovely, really sweet albeit naive. And she's really excited for us to be bump buddies but I'm not sure how to feel about it...
Sounds really mean and awful but I really wanted to slap them just to shut them up as they kept going on and on about how it was their first month of trying and that it was so easy. 
It isn't their fault that it made me mad as they don't know about our losses...but I just wanted to throttle them :growlmad:
Thats another thing that annoyed me, even though it's none of my business. They only had a faint positive pregnancy test the day before and they'd already told their 6year old daughter. I just can't believe that... but I guess it is that easy for some people.
Anyhoo, I think we'll stick to telling Mia at around 10weeks. I'd looooove to tell her before, infact I'm desperate to. But it wouldn't be fair for us to tell her before that and try and make her keep it a secret, she wouldn't be able to. So at least at 10 weeks she only has to wait 2 weeks later until after the 12week scan and she can tell anyone and everyone that she wants :)
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Things are getting better :)
He is working at it - he even did something yesterday that makes me smile that he hasn't done for months :) Like if he says to look at something, when I turn my head he quickly kisses my cheek :cloud9:
Ahh I'm glad that he's finally come around :) It's nice that he's going to be there for every appointment. My OH said he can't and won't because of his job, so I feel like he's putting his job before me and his baby but if I say that he goes mental lol.
Why would he tell his ex soo much about you? :dohh:

Aha i will, i could even show piccies!! :) thanks hun :)
Urgh people like that bug me, if only they knew how really hard it is :nope:
Can't believe their telling people already!! Especially their 6 year old as if they did (fx'd they don't) lose it, then it would be harder for their 6 year old to understand.
Haha bless, I bet she'll be thrilled!! Does she ever say about wanting a little brother/sister? How is she with OH's LO?
I remember when my mum told me when I was 7, on the way to school that I'd be having a little brother or sister and I told everyone!!!
Then when she had a scan I was aloud to show it at school, but because my 2 older brothers were at the same school and wanted to show it too, I had it in the morning up until breaktime, then my brother had it up until breaktime to lunchtime then my other brother lunchtime to hometime lol, it worked quite well :D xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Aw thats soooo cute!! :cloud9: Very sweet. I'm so glad things are going better :happydance:
I'd stand your ground on it hun like I did, its pretty simple to me, if me and this baby are important to him then he will do all he can to be there all the way. Especially considering I know he was there for every appointment and everything with his DD, as he should, so he should do the same this time. It is important and it's chances he will never get back and regret missing otherwise.... plus I'd never let him forget it :haha:
I don't know, the idiot. He said he just didn't think, he always did it when they were getting on better and talking so he didn't see (and I quote) "any harm in it". Stupid twat. Because then everytime he did tell her stuff, even private stuff about me, she kept coming running to me telling me stuff and he would then say he wouldnt have said that, he didn't. But how else would she have known? And then after I'd ask her how she knew and she would say from him, he'd say "I'm sorry, I didn't think.".
I know it seems stupid, but it bothered me so much, telling her stuff about Mia or me. Just not on.

Oooh that'll be good, I look forward to seeing them :)

I know :dohh: I really had to bite my tongue and we only told them then that we were pregnant too because they were going on about it.
I really hope everything is absolutely fine for them all the way through for their daughters sake. To me it's a mistake to do that. You're supposed to protect your child through everything, which is why we're not telling Mia until later on when things are slightly more certain.
God yeah, she'll be over the moon - I really can't wait. She's wanted a brother or sister for years, and shes always said she's sad and lonely without one so I just can't wait :cloud9:
It's quite funny though, since the last pregnancy, she hasn't actually said anything about wanting one :dohh:
She's brilliant with Serenity - considering she's been an only child for 8 years to then have a 2year old toddling around, Mia has been amazing. She is great with her and spends so much time playing with and entertaining her. And Serenity is obssessed with Mia, she follows her everywhere, laughs at everything she does and tries to copy :haha:
Aww, yeah we're hoping to do the same, tell her at 10 weeks and tell her that she can tell her best friend in school but it has to be a secret until the scan at 12 weeks, then she can take the scan picture in with her to tell everyone :flower:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah things are getting better :) Our last arguement was 6 days ago!! :) Can't believe that lol! 
I wish I could stand my ground.It's just when I had my first miscarriage with Roo, when I started bleeding he took the day off work but he lost his job because of it. He still blames that on me, and he says now he's got this job he can't lose it so can't risk any baby appointment days off :( It was tempting to mention it yesterday but I thought 'Jess your not even pregnant yet' lol. And I know what he'd say and then we'd probably break our 6 day streak :/
That's completely fair hun :) I agree! He shouldn't mouth about you to his ex as it's absolutely no right of hers! Why was she being so nosey anyway!!
Ahhhh that's adorable what Mia said! She's going to be thrilled!!!! Ouou I'm so excited for her! Would she be going to any scans with you?
I've never heard the name Serenity before, it's rather nice :) Have you and OH started talking about names yet? :blush: It's great Mia's so fab with her, aww it's so exciting :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

That's great hun, a week without arguing, it's all great progress, a day at a time :)
Well thats stupid that an employer would sack him in those circumstances. I know when its such a private matter you don't want everyone knowing but I think maybe if when you're pregnant again, if he explains to his boss the situation surely they would be more lenient? Even if its just for a few of the appointments?
I know employers have to give you paid leave for the appointments but I'm not sure about your OH, I'd be quite interested to find that out though for my OH so will do some research and let you know :)
Yeah maybe just leave the topic until you are pregnant, no point in arguing over it now.
She's just an absolute nightmare, so deluded and several shades of crazy :wacko: The stuff she comes out with, I can't explain, she even contradicts herself then argues that she isn't. 
I'm avoiding her and everything about her at the moment as she just stresses me out and gives me bad vibes. So it's better that I just stay away or I'd flip out at her.
I know, I really can't wait to tell her. Hopefully only about 4 weeks left to tell her then another 2 until the 12week scan :)
Yeah we want her to come to the 12week scan and hopefully any other scans then too, but that will depend on when they are as don't want her to miss lots of school for it or anything.
Lol, it's soooo funny you say that because I can't stand the name Serenity!! It isn't a name to me, its a word, and it's such a chavvy stripper name :haha: 
OH knows what I think about it, and bless the reactions he gets over it, people are like "Oh...well thats different." 
And I said to him, I can't believe he didn't think about when she'd be a toddler and a teenager and how stupid it sounds shouting out "Serenity!!" - People think he's demented.
I don't think it's a name that can adapt very well and her mother already calls her "Renity" - What a chav :dohh:

Yeah we've had names picked since before ttc even :blush: as you can tell from my above rant - I'm quite picky over names, I don't like common names or off the wall names. 
For a girl we've chosen Neevah Ann Elizabeth. Not sure on the spelling of Neevah yet though. We love the name and it seems like people will only pronounce it correctly if we spell it that way :shrug: Ann is after my great auntie Annie - It's my mums middle name, my OHs mums middle name and one of my middle names. Elizabeth is for my great grandmother.
For a boy we've chosen Calan Brian Louis Matthew. The poor thing, so many names but for some reason we both think we'd only have one boy so we have to put them all in there. Brian is my OHs late father, Louis is my great grandfather and a family name - several family members are Louis. And Matthew is for my mums first born, my halfbrother, who died hours after he was born.

Have you two been thinking of names yet?
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah, no arguement today either :D
Except he hasn't text me back in over 3 hours lol, it wouldnt bother me so much if he wasn't that type of guy - but because he's the one usually texting me all the time it's a bit annoying :/ Especially because he was blunt with the last text just because I'd bumped into my cousin in town and he came back for a cuppa and stuff.
Ahh that's be great if you could do some research!! :) And I asked him about it last night and he said well work is.... and as he saw my face go :( ..he then said but even if it means losing my job I will. :) So I think he knows now.
What was worse with his other job as well, is his boss knew the circumstances AND his boss was actually his step uncle.
Haha she sounds like and absolute nutter!! :haha: yeah I'd definitely stay away from her :)
Aww I'm really excited for Mia lol, have you thought of filming her reaction at all?
Hahaha your opinion on her name is making me laugh so much! ...OUT LOUD!!

Awww I absolutely LOVE the name Neevah :) I soo love the spelling too! I've got a thing about girls names with ah at the end ;)
Calan is also a lovely name :) I don't like common names either, different ones are what I like :)
Sorry to hear about your little brother too :flower: It's nice the baby (if a boy) will be named after him :) Are you swaying towards wanting a boy at all?

Yes me and OH have our names picked out :)
And hun, I want you to be completely honest with me, whether you think it's chavvy,slutty, tooo cute, too anything lol. I really appreciate peoples honest opinion. I don't expect everyone to like it, it's just interesting knowing peoples thoughts, anyway enough of my blabbing lol, for a girl we love Enolah (I know the ah, lol) Enolah means Magnolia Tree but I love magnolia's. And, as I want a hyphened name, I was going to have Grace or Mae, but they tend to be common, but I thought because Enolah is different anyway it's fair to give a more common name lol. But we alse like Renae (means Reborn) SO Enolah-Renae, but then again, thats too different. We just don't know :wacko: any input lol?
And for a boy we love Harley :) We also like a few others but are set on Harley :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

That's good hun, I'm so glad you're not arguing as much anymore :happydance:
I hate when people don't text me back, how annoying especially when I know they normally text right away, just means he's sulking and jealous :dohh:
I will do, no worries and let you know. But I'm glad he's said that about work not being important, thats how it should be.
And his step uncle still sacked him for it? What a horrible thing to do!! :nope:
God she really is, and she is such a detriment to Serenity - she doesn't do anything with her and just expects her to learn it herself. Serenity doesn't talk and has hardly any understanding of anything - it's shocking. She's being referred to speech therapy. I'm not the best person to compare I guess as Mia was talking by 1, in her own toddler bed by 14months and toilet trained by 16months all through the night. I know no two children are ever the same but Mia is my world, I did everything to make sure that she was developing as she should and I was always doing all I could. So it makes me so angry and sick to my stomach that his ex doesn't bother doing anything, feeds her crap like chicken nuggets, tinned macaroni and beans all the time and openly admits she wants to keep her as a baby. And worse of all, uses Serenity as a pawn to get more money or whatever she wants, and as soon as Adam stands his ground and says no, she says he can't have Serenity. It makes my blood boil. The thing of this week is a table and chairs. She wants a dining room table and chairs and thinks that Adam has to buy it for her and she doesn't have to use any of the £200 a month in child maintenance she gets from him because that is "payment for having Serenity". She's a fucking fruit loop. :growlmad:
That's a realy good idea, thanks hun!! Will definately film it :flower: The only idea I've had for it so far is to buy her a tshirt with "Big Sister" on it and give it to her and then tell her when/if she asks what its for etc lol :happydance: I can't wait :)
Lol, I do feel bad abit that I dislike her name so much but I can't lie so my OH would know anyway, so I'd rather be upfront about it. I just really hope for Serenity's sake that she likes it and doesn't get teased - she shouldn't do though, she lives in Swansea and thats like cheap, nasty, chavvy central so they're all named Trinity, Amy-Leigh and Kaycee-Mae down there :sick:

Do you? Thanks hun :) I'm abit unsure how I feel about it going with Mia, Mia and Neevah don't sound quite right together but I can always split them up by mentioning Serenity. Not sure on the spelling.. but it seems like the simplest way to do it for everyone to say it how we want.
I know Calan is abit different, but thats why we like it, and people will either like it or not, but I think that's true of every name (unless you choose a "name" like Serenity of course :haha:).
Adam would love love loooove the baby to be a boy, and because I'm getting such bad nausea which I didn't with Mia he's even more convinced lol. I'm just happy for everything to be ok and me and baby to be healthy, I'm over the moon with either :cloud9:

Hun, I really really like the name Enolah!! It's really pretty and unusual, and Enolah-Renae is just lovely, I much prefer it to Enolah-Grace or Mae, like you said they are so commonly used now. I don't think the Renae makes it too different, I think its just lovely. Harley is nice too, I'm only not as keen because it's becoming more popular. But if you've set your heart on a name then go for it, regardless of what anyone else thinks :) My only advice to people is always the same, remember to make sure the initials don't spell out anything like KOK or TIT :haha: and try to think of all possible nicknames, like with Mia I never thought she'd get given a nickname which is why I loved it..but lo and behold, her friends call her "Mimi" :dohh: For gods sake lol, but she doesn't mind so thats fine...even if I hate it and makes me shudder inside when I hear them call her it :blush: 
I read in the paper of a couple who named their boy Drew Peacock and took them months for them to realise that they've named their son "droopy cock" :haha: How they didn't think of that before I really don't know :dohh:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah, I know :) 8 days and counting so far lol!
We had a lil grouchy bit yesterday but was solved soon enough :)
Yeah I know right! You'd think he'd understand, considering it is family. His auntie wasn't impressed with her husband though :haha:
Oh my god!! I couldn't stand having someone like her in any relation to my life!!! Some people!!!!!! Has your OH thought of getting anyone more higher involved?
Wow well done you with Mia!! But that's what parents should do, they should go out of their way to always improve the development of their child :)
My friend, she isn't doing it on purpose yet she really isn't helping it! Her LO is 7 months and can only now, strongly support his head!
That would be good if you wouldn't mind sharing her reaction as I can remember mine and I wish it was filmed! And by the sounds of it, your going to get a very excited little Mia! I like the idea of the T-shirt too :) I was going to get a scan pic and put it in a frame and say Coming soon on 9th December <<<Roo's due date. And I was going to show it to my mum like that, but I couldn't cos she guessed before I told her :dohh:
Haha yeah I was born in swansea and my mum said she hated all the names back then :haha:
Ahh I think Mia and Neevah go lovely together :flower: but your definitely right in the way that Serenity will seperate them :rofl:
Yeah my mum suggested it and I was immmediately hooked!! She likes Enolah-Evie but I wasn't so sure. OH actually suggested Renae and I thought Enolah-Renae just has a certain ring and sort of just sssslides out of your mouth.
We thought that, we liked Alfie before we realised every other kid seems to be called that at the moment! But like you said, Harley is getting common too :nope: I find boy names harder though!
Yeah I like it when the intials sort of half spell something lol :blush: nothing like TIT though :haha: 
But it's funny cos my initials are originally J R T, BUT my mum was going to call me Autumn so it was going to be A R T. Then OH's unitials are A R H, but his last name is supposed to be A R T, so we'd of had the same initials, but the weirdest thing is, we first met in ART class :blush: lol
Lol Mimi isn't soooo bad :)
Ohhh my god that is awful!! Poor boy haha!!!
You excited for moving then? 5 days left! :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Woohoo! :happydance:
Glad everything is still good :)
I bet she wasn't, I wouldn't have been either - you just don't do that to family :nope:
She really is unbelievable. She told him yesterday that she doesn't want him to leave Serenity with me at all, ever, as she doesn't think I'd care for her properly or be a good influence. :dohh: Adam laughed at her and was like "Get a grip, the best thing to happen to Serenity is Elle coming into her life. She's made more progress in the last year than she ever will with you. You should be thanking Elle" Bless him :blush: I was trying not to laugh because she is just so deluded..but there really is no telling some people and she will never change.
He's been trying to get custody sorted through the courts and it's cost him(us)£2000 already because of her actually doing things to spread it out and then changing her mind and not agreeing to things. So much so that he's had to leave it for now until we can save some money with me working, then he will carry it on as his solicitor said it will cost him(us) around another £3000. And thats just for shared custody where even if she is a bitch as usual and tries to stop him from seeing Serenity - which she obviously will, he'll have to complain through the court :dohh: It's all just a nightmare and I'm dreading how far her reaction will go when she finds out we're expecting :shrug:
Every parent is different and you do have to do your own thing led by your baby but I'm sorry if they aren't hitting certain markers then I think things need to be looked into to see if its a physical thing, a mental thing or if (as it seems to commonly be) the parents not doing enough or purposely holding them back. It makes me so mad :growlmad: I was 18 when I had Mia and I had people being even more against me and judgemental saying that Mia would suffer for it - bugger off was I having that and I've done a damn sight better job that many parents I can think of :happydance: Yay for me lol.

Aw thats a lovely idea with the scan picture hun :hugs: do you think you'd use the idea on any future babies? If you mum doesn't guess first of course :haha:
Yeah I think and hope she will be over the moon :) I've asked Adam to film it and he said he would. My only concern is that she doesn't adapt to change very well and gets stressed out easily which then makes her break out in her psoriasis :nope: She's staying at my mums all next week to try and prevent her getting upset about the move, as she's already unsettled with all the boxes etc. Her dad recently moved as well and we've only been here for 7months - she asked my mum last night if they are going to move too. Love her, she's staying at the dad's mums tonight and hopefully her dads tomorrow night. So all that scares me that when we tell her about the baby it will all be too much for her and she will be too upset by the change to be happy :cry:
Lol, I'm not a fan of Swansea at all and even more so since being exposed to OHs ex and she's a Swansea chavvy girl through and through. The names haven't changed down there at all - full of Destiny's, Shanice's and Serenity's apparently :haha:
Thanks hun, I just think they're too similar sounding but I love both the names and would probably use the nicknames of Nevie or Neve for Neevah more anyway.
I think you're right with Renae adding the right ring to it. Enolah-Evie doesn't flow as smoothly, but thats just my opinion.
Boys names are sooooo much harder!!! I said that the OH the other day but we can't figure out why except that we just like more girls names than boys :shrug:
Aw thats such a sweet coincidence :cloud9: I'd be tempted to make your babies initials as A R T to be the mix of you both :flower:
Mimi is bloody awful to me lol, it just makes me think of Mimi Gallagher in Shameless :dohh: Adam just reckons I'm too much of a snob sometimes lol.
Everytime I think about that name I giggle to myself, its just awful.
I know, can't believe it...it's going to be such a busy week and I'm starting new job on Monday and have Tuesday off to move. I'm trying not to stress out or worry but its easier said than done. I'm taking a packing break now - surrounded by boxes whilst Adam is filling in and painting all the little holes in the walls from where we put up photos :dohh:
I know it will all get done and OH has been amazing - barely letting me do anything whilst he flies around like a madman... I just keep thinking "Breathe and relax.."
Had to rearrange next scan at EPAU too, so now going on Tuesday 27th before I start work at 12. But I guess the plus side to that is will be even further along and hopefully see more of Little one and heartbeating :cloud9:
Are you excited for your Birthday??? :happydance:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

oh my! Sorry you've had to deal with such a cow! I'm so glad adam actually stood up to her and told her the truth though :) Woohoo :thumbup:
Bloody hell!!! That's soooo much money!! I thought now though that he has just as much right if he's on Serenity's birth certificate!
HOw long are you expecting all that to take?
Aww Im proud of you for doing that for Mia at 18 years old :flower: Would you do it all again at that age if you could?
I hope i could, it all just depends, my mum's changed now since the miscarriages so who knows :/ I want to wait until 12 week scan though, but Im not sure I'd be able to :blush:

Ahh bless, is her psoriasis easy to maintain or handle with then? Does she cope with it well? Atleast you know this and your working with it :hugs: That's the best thing you cn do. I'll keep my fx'd that when you tell her, her smiles stay, and her psoriasis stays away :)

Nah they don't sound too similar, they are too beautiful names :)
And thanks hunny, Enolah-Renae just works better. I just worried if it was 'too' different.

That's a good idea with giving our baby the same initials, but because they'll be having OH's last name it will be H. But we could have the first and middle names spelling ART :)

Haha that's sweet he's painting all the holes!! I'd be too lazy lol :blush:
So what's your new job? Good luck hunny :flower:
Ououou 27th September here we come!!!! Im soooo excited :D :D
How is the pregnancy going now? Still bad nausea?
And yes, Im soo excited :) Andy is going to be filming it... so yeah :blush: major blushing going on there! :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun sorry for quick reply just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday for tomorrow, incase I didnt get chance with the move.
Hope you have a lovely day, really enjoy yourself and get spoilt rotten :)
I'll reply to your message when things have calmed down from the move.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :happydance: :hugs::wohoo::fool::yipee:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Awww hunny thank you :hugs: you don't have to be sorry - I appreciate it sooo much!
I hope your move goes smooth sailing :boat:
And your OH doesn't let you do anything to strenuous!! :)
I will post piccies of my prezzies :) ..OH said he's recording it too, which should be err... interesting :blush: x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun.. how are you?
How did your birthday go? What pressies did you get? Did your OH film your reaction? :)
The move went ok thanks and we're slowly getting there now, almost completely unpacked lol :happydance: The house is amazing :D
And I definately haven't been allowed to do much at all :dohh:
Started my new job too and I'm absolutely shattered from it... working 40hours a week and being pregnant really is taking it out of me lol.
Had our 2nd scan on Tuesday and.... we saw our little squishy bean with the little heart beating like mad!!!! :cloud9:
I was crying again!!!
It was amazing!!! Just can't believe it, I keep expecting some bad news... that just isn't coming :happydance:
So we have our first scan picture!!! Baby just looks like a little blobby kidney bean lol...but still soooo amazing!!! Love, love, loooooove it!!!! :cloud9:
Need to find the camera and can post pic up on here there :)
We got dated too, we're we 8weeks on Tuesdays and due date is May 8th 2012 :happydance:
Bought the tshirt for Mia too.. just waiting for it to come now and then can tell her... can't wait. I'm literally bursting to tell her :happydance:
Everything is just so amazing right now, I'm afraid I'm going to wake up... lol. The only thing is I'm so exhausted that I'm sleeping loads and with working so much it feels like me and Adam hardly see each other now... :nope: 
I really miss him... :cry:

Had first appointment at midwife clinic this afternoon, they were all really lovely, had bounty pack, got weighed, blood pressure taken and urine sample. 
My blood pressure is low, but thats usual for me and apparently I have ketones in my urine - which isn't good especially as I'm eating more now, but midwife said not to worry now about it, that it's probably just the baby growing fast and taking most of what I'm eating. I hope so...
They'll be coming to the house on Friday afternoon for my booking in appointment... I can't wait :)

I have a secret too... I bought a doppler :happydance: 
Adam knows, and it came today... I haven't tried it yet though.. I'm too nervous to yet... I don't want to be disappointed with it being to early to hear anything which at 8 weeks I know it probably would be :dohh:
So I'm not telling anyone else I bought it as I know they'll think I'm being daft...

How are things with you hun? 
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey you!!! 
So glad to hear from you!! I was going to write on here and ask how things were but figured you wouldn't be on here any sooner if i did lol.
My birthday was alright thanks :) I appreciate the happy birthday you wished me :)
I'll post piccies next week :thumbup:
Ahh I'm glad you like your new house!!! I bet it's beautiful, is it alrady decorated how you want it then? If not, you'll have to post some before and after piccies :D
Haha so your OH still being protective over what you do? bless him.
Apart from the tiredness, are you enjoying your new job?
Oh wow!!!! Im soo happy everythings going perfect for you hun, I'm sooo happy for you!!! Was OH there with you?
You definitely need to post it!!! 
Wow That'll be soo amazing for Mia!! Eeeek Im soo excited for her too!
Ohh bless :) What's a bounty pack lol :blush:
It's not daft hun! Try it when your ready :) You know everythings ok so if you can't hear anything just remind yourself it is your small little kidney bean lol. You have to tellme when you do though :thumbup:
Meh, Im alright. Got a bfp again two days ago :) But today me and OH had :sex: and I was bleding bright red blood afterwards, it's painful and has clots.. so yeah... I give up! I know me and OH weren'r trying this month, but I kind of just 'knew' I was pregnant again. Thought this one was going to be more sticky as the lines were stronger than previous ones at 12dpo. So yeah... :cry: :cry: xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Hiya, lol.. I'm sorry hun, it was only on Friday that our broadband was sorted.. I was desperate to update and tell you the news... so excited :)
Thats ok hun, I couldn't not wish you happy birthday :)
Look forward to seeing your piccies :)
Yeah the house is amazing... :cloud9: and such a home, not like ususal rental at all. But it was the landlords home, they've emmigrated to Australia for work so we're just hoping they don't come home anytime soon lol like for years and years and years :haha:
I'll take some pics and post them :)
Yeah OH is being really OTT and not letting me do anything but I'm grateful, he's such a sweetie.
The job is ok yeah, bit boring but other than that its ok thanks.. just hard adapting to being so knackered.
Yeah Adam was with me, we were both over the moon.. it was the best feeling I've had since Mia was born. Amazing :cloud9:
I've taken a pic on my phone so will post it in next post after this :)
I know, I can't wait to tell her, at all... hoping to last out.. lol.
A bounty pack is just a pack with tons of info and forms in but you can get others further along in pregnancy and after birth and they give you loads of freebies to try :)
I will.. I keep thinking I will do it.. then I get too scared. I just want to hear the heartbeating and not be disappointed that I can't... :dohh:
Omg!!!!! Hun.. are you sure thats it?? Maybe everything is still ok?? Have you tested since? Maybe keep testing every couple of days to see how your lines are? I really hope everything is still fine and you've got your sticky little bean and I'm keeping everything tightly crossed for you :hugs:
Don't give up hope.
:hugs:
xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Our little squishy blobby kidney bean :cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9: :cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9: :cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9:


:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
 



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## xxxjessxxx

U dont have to be sorry you noggin! lol
I can imagine how hectic it has been - how has Mia and her psoriasis coped with it? 
Lol I still need to get round to posting pictures but I will do it!! lol
It'd be lovely seeing photo's :) It sounds a lovely home :thumbup:
Nawww that's good he's been so supportive :hugs: It must be lovely seeing your bubba :) It looks so sweet already!! So when is your next scan?? :cloud9:
Ouou a bounty pack sounds fun! I love free things lol :blush:
Im sure everything will be fine :) You should record it so you can have it as a keepy :)
I know I shouldn't give up, but I kind of already feel like it's over :cry: I've got to the point where I just give up with it all. I'm going to test hopefully soon, but OH's said to hold off for a good few days and let my body regulate itself again first. 
He said if it's the worst we're going all out. We we're talking and today and I weighed myself for the first time in god knows when and Im very underweight, I guess it could be a reason for the miscarriages I suppose :shrug: Anyhow, he's said this month we're going all out. Completely healthy diet, better supplements, OPK's etc, so we'll where that goes! lol x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun, how are you?
I'm sorry I haven't been on to reply for so long.
I'm absolutely shattered and worn out. I feel so sick all the time, I can hardly eat anything :(
But other than that, things are great. 10 weeks today :happydance:
Big news too, we told Mia on Sunday... it went so well!!! I'm so happy and relieved.
She's told everyone in school already lol bless her.
Adam did video it and I've photo of Mia in her big sister tshirt so will upload them next time so you can see :)
Will take some photos of the house too..
Please do post your bday photos sometime soon too :)
Not sure when we get the next scan, waiting for the letter now. Midwife said it should come in the next 3 weeks..so hurray :happydance:
Adam is great... he's more supportive than I deserve most of the time. Particularly now as I'm in work all day then coming home, where he's cooked food, and then have to go to bed by 10.30pm at the latest as I'm so tired, I then fall right asleep, I then cant stand if he touches me in the night or cwtches up to me as I'm so uncomfortable with my backache :nope:
It's really getting between us, and I don't deserve how good he is to me. :cry:
On a positive note though, found the baby's heartbeat for the first time last night :) Was amazing, so amazing :cloud9: Really helped calm my worries too as I was so scared deep down that something wouldnt be ok with the baby and we wouldnt find out until the next scan. So hurray :happydance:

How are things with you?
How did the testing go?
Sounds like such a good plan hun for the healthy diet, supplements and using opks etc Something is bound to help. :hugs:
Will come on again more often and reply quicker and upload the video and pics :flower:
Although I don't like the changes on here... do you? :shrug:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

I'm ok thanks hun - pulling through I guess :)
It's great to hear from you :thumbup: Sorry your ill, hopefully that will begin to ease very soon :thumbup:
Awww wow! How I'm gald it went so well - can't wait to see it :) Bless her!!!
Ouou exciting stuff!! I bet you'll see a huuuge difference from your last scan!
Naaaw I'm sorry to hear that it's not going well, Im so glad he's sticking by you. Maybe get him a little something that just shows your appreciation?? I'm sure it would mean a lot to him :)
Ahhh wow! Im glad you used the doppler! Has Mia heared it yet then?
Things are ok, we got a new bed yesterday which OH loves lol! We were stuck with a reaaly uncomfy single bed, now we have a huge luxurious double lol :D
Haven't tested since, I'm planning to today actually but Im more than 95% sure I lost it, as even my cervix is starting to move into ovulating stage - which is good as last few months it hasn't :D
Haven't been using OPK's yet, but might try getting some today :blush:
Been taking supplements though - both of us, and eating better so fx'd that's all that's needed! I started a thread called 'The BFP before the 'Would of been due date' thread' so fx'd I do get a bfp before december 9th, as sadly it is slowly creeping up on me :nope:
I know! I signed on this morning and I was like what the hell has happened!! Dont like it at all! x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun,
I'm glad you're doing ok... and yeah I really do hope I can start enjoying being pregnant soon and stop feeling so worn out and sick. 
I know how annoying that is, to moan about how I'm feeling when I used to moan about not being pregnant... and now I am, it's like I'm not appreaciating it.
I really am though... I just can't wait for it, and everything thing I feel is completely worth it.
I'm waiting for Adam to send me the video of Mia's reaction, then I can upload it...
but in the mean time, I've made a little video clip of the baby's heartbeat which we found for the first time at 9+6 on Monday night and yep, Mia heard it too..we got her up out of bed to listen lol :) The photo I took of Mia in her tshirt is in it too. I'll upload it on here, after this post :)
We had the scan letter appointment this morning :happydance: So happy, booked for 26th October, which has worked out great..as Mia is on half term that week so she can come with us without missing any school and the following weekend we've planned to go to Derby to see Adam's family and make the official announcement, his mum and sister know, but he want's to tell his gran in person. So we can do that now and take two scan pictures with us :) 
I'll be 12+1 on the scan, so hurray.. can't wait. I can't wait to get officially dated and due date.
Lol, it's funny you say that about getting him something to show my appreaciation, it doesn't seem like I did but the next night I brought home steak to make him dinner, lol.. Steak is his ultimate favourite food, he would eat it all day, every day... so he loved it. And we had a really good talk and realised we've both been feeling the same way.

Your new bed sounds awesome and I bet it will make a big difference :)
How is the new positive healthy diet ttc? Tried opks yet?
I could never get the hang of them... but I didn't test with them every day so not a surprise that I didn't a positive opk lol.
I'm sure you'll get through it hun, and if you don't get your bfp before the 9th I'm sure you'll do something in memory of the due date.
It'll be amazing if you get your :bfp: before then though :cloud9:
xxx


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## PrettyUnable

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDeZOC5KVkE


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## xxxjessxxx

PrettyUnable said:


> Hey hun,
> I'm glad you're doing ok... and yeah I really do hope I can start enjoying being pregnant soon and stop feeling so worn out and sick.
> I know how annoying that is, to moan about how I'm feeling when I used to moan about not being pregnant... and now I am, it's like I'm not appreaciating it.
> I really am though... I just can't wait for it, and everything thing I feel is completely worth it.
> I'm waiting for Adam to send me the video of Mia's reaction, then I can upload it...
> but in the mean time, I've made a little video clip of the baby's heartbeat which we found for the first time at 9+6 on Monday night and yep, Mia heard it too..we got her up out of bed to listen lol :) The photo I took of Mia in her tshirt is in it too. I'll upload it on here, after this post :)
> We had the scan letter appointment this morning :happydance: So happy, booked for 26th October, which has worked out great..as Mia is on half term that week so she can come with us without missing any school and the following weekend we've planned to go to Derby to see Adam's family and make the official announcement, his mum and sister know, but he want's to tell his gran in person. So we can do that now and take two scan pictures with us :)
> I'll be 12+1 on the scan, so hurray.. can't wait. I can't wait to get officially dated and due date.
> Lol, it's funny you say that about getting him something to show my appreaciation, it doesn't seem like I did but the next night I brought home steak to make him dinner, lol.. Steak is his ultimate favourite food, he would eat it all day, every day... so he loved it. And we had a really good talk and realised we've both been feeling the same way.
> 
> Your new bed sounds awesome and I bet it will make a big difference :)
> How is the new positive healthy diet ttc? Tried opks yet?
> I could never get the hang of them... but I didn't test with them every day so not a surprise that I didn't a positive opk lol.
> I'm sure you'll get through it hun, and if you don't get your bfp before the 9th I'm sure you'll do something in memory of the due date.
> It'll be amazing if you get your :bfp: before then though :cloud9:
> xxx

Bless you, I understand what you mean. Because when your not pregnant you want those crappy feelings lol, but when you are pregnant you kind of wish pregnancy would be that little but nicer lol!
I watched that video - wow it sounds like a good strong heartbeat :D And Mia looks sooo happy with that T-shirt! Good choice of colours by the way ;)
Awwww bless, I remember the excitement of that letter arriving!! I can't wait to see the huge difference in it all!! Aww wow, Mia would love that too!
Bless, that's nice you did that for him :) Haha men and their food ey ;) 
Im glad you both talked :thumbup: Talking helps everything :flower: My OH is getting fed up of me talking :nope:
Yeah fx'd it makes a big positive bfp difference lol ;)
Erm well, OH hasn't really stuck to it :nope: He says all these things and never sticks to them, I give up sometimes :shrug: 
I really hope and pray for a bfp too, as Im finding it soo hard at the moment :cry:
Also, OH's gone out drinking tonight but has switched his phone off?!!!? Gets to me all the more :cry: :cry: x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey, how are you?
I've been really rough :nope: Came home from work last Monday and been signed off work since. I get really dizzy and sick when ever I stand up or walk.
Been to doctors and had blood tests and ruled loads out and they don't know what it is. Doctor said its basically a symptom of this pregnancy that just have to wait for it to go.. :cry: I've been so worried about the baby but heard heartbeat on the doppler a couple of times so I know everything is ok hopefully.
Doctor is trying to get hold of midwife for her to come and see me, incase she can suggest something, but I doubt it. 
Don't know what I'm going to do about work, if I'm off much longer they'd probably sack me :growlmad:
Trying not to stress about everything but its hard not to.
Got the scan on Wednesday, really can't wait at all... hoping it will make me feel better about things.
How are things with you hun?
Hope you had a go at your OH for going out and turning his phone off - thats just not on.
Hope you're ok
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Ohh hunny big hugs :hugs:
I do hope you start feeling better soon - I had dizzy spells when I was pregnant and it got to the point when I'd stand up my head would go fuzzy and my eyes would black out for about 10 seconds then I'd be ok. I asked my mum and she said it's because your bloods pumping around more other parts of your body and when you stand up there's a sudden rush - but doubt she knows lol :shrug:
Ouou scan Wednesday? :D You'll have to post that one :) Everythings going to be fine for you! Mia still excited?
OH did turn it back on in the end - he said he turned it off because his battery was running out so he had to keep turning it on and off all night - but he came back earlier bless him :)
AF is due in 4 days I am sooo scared but also hopeful :thumbup: I have looads of symptoms and my mum thinks Im pregnant again. When I was pregnant with Roo she knew even before I did - so that's a positive sign :D Haven't tested yet which is not like me - but it's sooooo tempting too :haha: x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Thanks, yeah doctor thought it might be my blood pressure but it isn't. They did it whilst I was sitting and whilst I stood up and it doesn't drop. My pulse and blood pressure are low, but that's usual for me.
Really don't know what is causing it, except just a side affect of the pregnancy.. :shrug: The only way I can describe it is like when you have a awful hangover and the room spins and it makes you sick, its like that every time I'm standing up or walking.
Yeah, really can't wait for tomorrow now. Do you remember me telling you about our friends who are also expecting and they'd told their 6year old the day they got a positive pregnancy test and they really annoyed me by being so naive? They had their scan today and they're 11+6, a day behind us lol...unless our dates change tomorrow. So really will be sharing the whole experience with them. I know its mean, and Kate - she's lovely albeit annoyingly naive at times, but Craig.. he makes my skin crawl, he's just so sleazy and competitive :growlmad: Everything with the pregnancy he's turning into a competition which I cant stand.
Yeah Mia is over the moon, but I had a bad dream night before last where I'd started bleeding and things weren't ok :cry: It was at the 12week scan the first concerns about Mia's heart were raised too, so we've decided it's better that she stays with my mum whilst we go for the scan and we'll get her a picture just for her to keep. I'm a bit gutted, but I'd rather be cautious and not risk her being there if we get some bad news at all. I know thats not very positive..but I can't help it atm.

Oh that's good, even I was annoyed at him when I read your post lol. 
Ooooh exciting!!!! :happydance:
I'm keeping everything crossed for you hun and hope your mums intuition is spot on again this time :happydance:
I couldn't not test, I'd cave in but I'm just addicted to it. I still have some ICs left and everytime I see them in my underwear drawer I think "Oooh..should I? Wonder if I'd still get a line now... " lol :dohh:
:hugs:
xxx


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## themarshas

I just wanted to say that after reading through your posts I have a bit more optimism about going forward, getting another BFP, and getting a sticky one out of it. So thank you for sharing your story on here.


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## xxxjessxxx

PrettyUnable said:


> Thanks, yeah doctor thought it might be my blood pressure but it isn't. They did it whilst I was sitting and whilst I stood up and it doesn't drop. My pulse and blood pressure are low, but that's usual for me.
> Really don't know what is causing it, except just a side affect of the pregnancy.. :shrug: The only way I can describe it is like when you have a awful hangover and the room spins and it makes you sick, its like that every time I'm standing up or walking.
> Yeah, really can't wait for tomorrow now. Do you remember me telling you about our friends who are also expecting and they'd told their 6year old the day they got a positive pregnancy test and they really annoyed me by being so naive? They had their scan today and they're 11+6, a day behind us lol...unless our dates change tomorrow. So really will be sharing the whole experience with them. I know its mean, and Kate - she's lovely albeit annoyingly naive at times, but Craig.. he makes my skin crawl, he's just so sleazy and competitive :growlmad: Everything with the pregnancy he's turning into a competition which I cant stand.
> Yeah Mia is over the moon, but I had a bad dream night before last where I'd started bleeding and things weren't ok :cry: It was at the 12week scan the first concerns about Mia's heart were raised too, so we've decided it's better that she stays with my mum whilst we go for the scan and we'll get her a picture just for her to keep. I'm a bit gutted, but I'd rather be cautious and not risk her being there if we get some bad news at all. I know thats not very positive..but I can't help it atm.
> 
> Oh that's good, even I was annoyed at him when I read your post lol.
> Ooooh exciting!!!! :happydance:
> I'm keeping everything crossed for you hun and hope your mums intuition is spot on again this time :happydance:
> I couldn't not test, I'd cave in but I'm just addicted to it. I still have some ICs left and everytime I see them in my underwear drawer I think "Oooh..should I? Wonder if I'd still get a line now... " lol :dohh:
> :hugs:
> xxx

Hmm that's odd - well if they can't find anything that helps then I hope it goes away soon! And hey, when you get to hold your baby in your arms all of this will be worth it :hugs:
A day behind! Bloody hell, they couldn't have times that better if they tried lol! That would annoy me if it turned into a competition, if it gets to the point where they really are taking the piss, tell them - pregnancy is supposed to be a nice experience, not a competitive one!
Oh god, I hate bad dreams - I've had two recently, but one was reeeally weird :nope:
I'm sure that means nothing and it's a way of your mind trying to let go of your fears :hugs:
Yeah I was in tears. As that night was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarenss day too, and everyone around the world, lights a candle at 7pm. I was lighting it on my own, in tears and really wanted OH's support so yeah - it really annoyed me :cry:
I know lol! It's so tempting, but I've learnt it worries me even more, but then I also think - if I got a bfp early then I can go to the Dr's more early and hopefully find out if anythings wrong and if we can help it :thumbup:
Haha bless, well you could if you promise you wont worry yourself and generally do it for a laugh. But if you know it would worry you then DONT lol x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Yeah me too, thanks hun. I've been trying all kinds of suggestions and old wives tales cures but nothing has helped yet. And I totally keep saying that - it's all worth it in the end :)

I know lol, it is quite nice as Kate is lovely... but Craig is doing my head in already. He keeps calling Adam up asking him if we've had this or that yet, how I'm feeling etc and couldn't understand why they couldn't go to the EPAU and just ask for a early scan!!!?? All because we had had our scan.
I just know he is going to compare everything.. forever and I tell you what, the first time he dares to do it with the babies, I will tell him exactly how I feel about his childish behaviour.
We'll hopefully be announcing on facebook tomorrow after the scan, Adam has to tell some of his family first and ask them not to tell his gran as he wants to tell her in person the next time we go to visit in Derby (which is hopefully this weekend, although he's refusing atm because of how ill I am).
I keep meaning to ask you, if you'd like to be friends on facebook? If you would, feel free to add me : https://www.facebook.com/ElleEdwards84

Me too - I get really shaken up by bad dreams, I know its daft but they really affect and upset me. And I get really vivid dreams when Im pregnant, its one of my first symptoms, the dreams feel so real, I can't shake them off.
The weirdest dream I had recently was that we were in a car accident and Mia was going to die unless they performed this surgery which would save her life but she would revert back to a 9month old and I said yes to save her and I had to tell everyone and explain, and I missed her so much. Bizarre... makes me cry now just thinking about it. I hated it.

Aw hun, I'm sorry your OH wasn't with you for that. Such an important time he should have been there for you :hugs:

I understand what you mean, particularly after loosing Baby Bo, I was scared everytime I would test. Scared to get a bfn and scared if I got a bfp. I still couldn't stop myself from testing loads and usually too early though.
When are you going to test? I won't test now lol... I don't think it'd worry me...just rather not waste the test :dohh: Hmm.. but I'll probably do it as I can't stop myself lol.
:hugs:
xxx


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## PrettyUnable

themarshas said:


> I just wanted to say that after reading through your posts I have a bit more optimism about going forward, getting another BFP, and getting a sticky one out of it. So thank you for sharing your story on here.

Not sure if you meant this for me or Jess but either way thanks, thats why we're all on here for the help and support and to get through it all together.
I'm sorry for your loss, and you will have your sticky bean :hugs:
Elle.xx


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## xxxjessxxx

PrettyUnable said:


> Yeah me too, thanks hun. I've been trying all kinds of suggestions and old wives tales cures but nothing has helped yet. And I totally keep saying that - it's all worth it in the end :)
> 
> I know lol, it is quite nice as Kate is lovely... but Craig is doing my head in already. He keeps calling Adam up asking him if we've had this or that yet, how I'm feeling etc and couldn't understand why they couldn't go to the EPAU and just ask for a early scan!!!?? All because we had had our scan.
> I just know he is going to compare everything.. forever and I tell you what, the first time he dares to do it with the babies, I will tell him exactly how I feel about his childish behaviour.
> We'll hopefully be announcing on facebook tomorrow after the scan, Adam has to tell some of his family first and ask them not to tell his gran as he wants to tell her in person the next time we go to visit in Derby (which is hopefully this weekend, although he's refusing atm because of how ill I am).
> I keep meaning to ask you, if you'd like to be friends on facebook? If you would, feel free to add me : https://www.facebook.com/ElleEdwards84
> 
> Me too - I get really shaken up by bad dreams, I know its daft but they really affect and upset me. And I get really vivid dreams when Im pregnant, its one of my first symptoms, the dreams feel so real, I can't shake them off.
> The weirdest dream I had recently was that we were in a car accident and Mia was going to die unless they performed this surgery which would save her life but she would revert back to a 9month old and I said yes to save her and I had to tell everyone and explain, and I missed her so much. Bizarre... makes me cry now just thinking about it. I hated it.
> 
> Aw hun, I'm sorry your OH wasn't with you for that. Such an important time he should have been there for you :hugs:
> 
> I understand what you mean, particularly after loosing Baby Bo, I was scared everytime I would test. Scared to get a bfn and scared if I got a bfp. I still couldn't stop myself from testing loads and usually too early though.
> When are you going to test? I won't test now lol... I don't think it'd worry me...just rather not waste the test :dohh: Hmm.. but I'll probably do it as I can't stop myself lol.
> :hugs:
> xxx

Aww bless, well when you do feel like that remind yourself everytime :) Are you suffering with anything else then?
Haha go you hunny!! Yeah that's the worst when people compare babies as each child is soooo different!
Bless - is Adam still protective then?
And yeah I have facebook, I hardly go on it but I'll add you :D And will totally be looking for that update tomorrow! Just going to the Hospital tomorrow though with my friend for her LO :)
I had vivid dreams too and thought - pregnancy??! But I don't want to ever base it on them lol, although they're just so creepy sometimes!!
That's an odd dream!! That would be strange if you ever had to do that though :wacko:
Yeah I thought that - I tried mentioning it and all I got was "I'm going out and that's the end of it" 
Im tempted to test tomorrow BUT I can only use Tesco ones which are 25miu so probably wouldn't give me a decent result yet anyway :nope:
Haha yeah, that POAS addiction is hard to kill lol x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Yeah it's like my new mantra everytime I'm sick "Worth it for the baby, worth it for the baby..." over and over lol.
Not really suffering from much else except food and smell aversions to all meat, cheese and onion crisps, smell of pepper or spicy things and one of Adam's aftershave - which he's now chucked because it made me gag so much lol..bless him. And TMI sorry but then just usual pregnancy constipation/upset tummy... I seem to have one or the other.
Oooh and my boobs are huge!!!! They've always been big, even when I was younger, but now they're verging on ridiculous and starting the leak a little!! :dohh: I feel like a big fat cow already...

Yeah exactly, to me you just can't compare any two children... he just really riles me up :growlmad:
God yes, Adam is still protective, atm he is waiting on me hand and foot because of how I'm feeling. Which is nice, but also really frustrating for me... as I want to be able to stand and walk and do things for myself without being sick. I can't even shower without being ill :nope:
That's great.. thanks hun :)
I'm always on there when I'm online. 
Thats nice of you hun, going with your friend :) 
We've got to be in the hospital to see the consultant at 9.10am then the scan is at 11am, then have bloods drawn afterwards. So will do the update in the afternoon :) So excited :happydance:
Yeah, I know what you mean, but I only get really vivid dreams when I'm pregnant - I so hope you're pregnant :flower:
What a twat!! Sorry hun but seriously, how selfish of your OH. I know it's a hard journey that youre both going through but he needs to be there to support you in such an important thing. He wants to be a dad doesn't he? Well he'll have to grow up for that and learn to put others before himself then.

How many DPO are you?
I figured out from due date of 8th May that I would have ovulated somewhere roughly between 8th and 16th of August and even if was on 16th - I had first bfp on 27th - 9dpo!!! Obviously couldve been earlier but the ic and CBdigitals picked it up that early. 
When I said that to Adam he kept joking that it might have been twins for the HCG to be so high to be picked up quickly.. :dohh:
Test when you're feeling ready to hun... but god I'm so excited and nervous for you. Can't wait :happydance:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Ahh bless you, just keep thinking positive vibes :flower:
Oh my that must be quite difficulat to find something that goes well with all of that to eat then lol!
When I'm pregnant I always seem to have diaarhoea :blush:
Haha bless I bet Adam likes that ;) :holly:
Sorry your finding it soo hard hun, I really hope and pray for you that you start feeling better :flower:
Well I've been there for her a lot bless her, I've been with her to midwife appointments and heard the baby's heartbeat :cloud9: I've been with her when her baby needed his jabs or needed to go to the Dr's lol, can't believe he's 7months old already! Had to go to A&E with her the other day! But bless, she really needs me today as he's gtting put to sleep and stuff :nope:
Ahhh I cannot wait! I hope I get a chance to see it! But doubt I'l be back in time! Hope your scan and everything goes fine though :hugs:
Yeah, I've learnt that he is rather selfish, so when I tell myself that it makes me understand him a whole lot easier :)
Well I have no idea when I ovulated :nope: But going from the CD14 thing, I'd be 11dpo.
I haven't got any IC's, and CB digi's I want to use as a clarification thing first :)
Haha imagine if you were having twins!! Sometimes people do have that and they find out there was a twin hiding behind the other lol :haha:
Ahh Im so excited and nervous too - might hold out until tomorrow and see what happens :cloud9: x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun,
Scan went sooooooo well!!! :) So happy and relieved. Baby was asleep at first, then woke up and wriggled for abit for us to get a couple of pictures :cloud9: Then baby turned over away from us and went back to sleep lol :haha:
Dated at 12+6!!!!! So takes due date to 4th May 2012 :cloud9:
Just so so soooo happy, and made announcements on facebook so we are officially public now.

Yeah it is hard for me to eat much. I've lost over a stone atm in just over a week but that's no bad thing as I'm 3/4 stone overweight anyway :dohh: 
All I can really eat is fruit, veg and plain noodles.
Yeah, I'm really going from one to the other :blush:, its really embarrassing but Adam is great, just trying to help make it all better, I get so embarassed lol.
And yeah.. Adam is a fan of the new natural breast enhancement :dohh: :haha:
Thanks, I hope so too, but it is totally worth it all :cloud9:
I was so sick in the hospital, a few times but as soon as we were having the scan I just didn't care, it really doesn't matter how I'm feeling and the baby is clearly unbothered by me being sick so :happydance:
Aw, thats really nice of you. Hope her little one is ok and things aren't too serious. And I'm sure she'll right beside you when you're at the midwife etc and going through it all :flower:

I guess it does help that you know thats what he is like so you don't get disappointed. But still... :growlmad:

Lol, you sound like Adam!! He kept saying that, even in the scan today he was like "and there definately isn't another one in there hiding??" :dohh: Idiot lol.. I'd probably have a nervous breakdown if there was!! But nope.. just the one baby in there :happydance:

Let me know when you do test.. I'm keeping everything crossed for you and can't wait for your :bfp:
:hugs:
xxx
 



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## xxxjessxxx

Ahhhh wow!! That sounds amazing!! Can you feeling moving at all yet-any flutters? It must be weird if you can see something moving inside you and you cant feel it :dohh: When I eventually get my scan it would probably freak me out :haha:
Naaawww 4th May here we come then!!!!
I did write on your wall lol - Im so pleased everything went ok for you!
A stone!! Bloody hell Elle! lol. And you don't need to lose any weight,especially if you and Adam are happy with just the way you are :)
Yeah he's ok and doing well so that's good :thumbup: 
Haha yeah still an angry face with him lol 
Bless, you shouldn't be embarrassed its all part of the journey! Me and OH are too comfortable with eachother lol - OH can take a poo infront of me and everything!! I could with him, but I dont ever want to as I find it disgusting :sick:
Haha how mental would that be if there was another :haha: That would be cccrazy :dohh:
Well I did a test earlier and it looked like something was soooo ever sooo slightky there but then again I think I just have serious line eye :dohh:
But Im going to town tomorrow so Im going to be naughty and secretly buy some tests ;) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

It really was so amazing, I could have stayed in there forever just watching!! Lol.
I thought I felt something in the bath the other night but Adam thought it was just my c-section scar stretching... but I'm not so sure. I felt like a ripple of bubbles... odd feeling. 
It is funny seeing this little baby moving all about and you can't feel a thing, it makes it seem like it isn't real, it isn't you. But it is... 
Yep.. I can't believe that I thought I was 12 weeks yesterday and now we find out that we'll be like 13weeks tomorrow!!! Gained a week in a day!! 
I'm so happy and excited now, it all seems so real and like it's ok to believe that everything is ok :cloud9: 
So now I really want to shop!!!! Lol.
I did see and comment, thank you hun, really nice of you and Adam said thanks :hugs:
I know, its just from being ill and loosing my appetite for pretty much any food though.
Well it is quite good though as my BMI is high and with that and having the csection it put me under consultant care, but now as lost the weight my BMI has dropped abit and now I'm only under consultant care because of having the emergency csection with Mia.
Adam says the same about just the way I am lol, and at my age now I am comfortable in my skin no matter how my weight fluctuates - and it does!! Lol.. but I'm glad to lose abit and would like to lose more or at least keep it off to try and help make giving birth easier and not to stress the baby out.
That's good, bet you and your friend are so relieved :thumbup:
I'd be more than an angry face with him lol, but I'm a right gobby cow when I have a mood on me lol.
I know, I'm just weird about toilet stuff lol.. we can pee in front of each other but thats it. Adam would do his business infront of me too but I've said not a chance. I love him but I'd still like to love him tomorrow and to me there need to be certain boundary in that area :haha: :blush:

God I think it'd be bloody terrifying to have twins!!! One baby at a time I can handle...just about lol.

OOOOOhhhhh!!! I'm sooooooo excited for you!! You shouldve taken a pic and posted it to see what people on here thought, with all the line spotting pros on here!!! :hugs:
Exciting, exciting!!!! I'll be on tomorrow waiting in anticipation!!! Lol.. :happydance: :hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Ahh bless you babe :cloud9: I find that all amazing, I always loved child development and stuff - I took it in school to do a GCSE and workd hard in it... I was chuffed though as I got A* in my coursework and A in my test :happydance:
I think it could have been. My mum said she felt all hers early, she said when she was pregnant first she felt it at 12weeks, and once she knew what it felt like she said she felt them from as early as 8-9weeks :wacko:
Naww bless - so when are you going to buy stuff? Are you going to find out the gender? :D
Hahaha bless, yeah it's a very personal thing, I just find it all disgusting and it would probably put me off :blush: But then I suppose it would make it more comfortable knowing I wouldn't have to worry so much if I pooed while giving birth :blush:
Yeah true, but the line was honestly barely there! And if I had a decent camera I would of probably given it a chance, but I'd look like an idiot posting it from my phone lol!
Was going to get a test at Tesco's earlier but couldn't, so will have to wait for tomorrow! As OH's at work then, and I've got two interviews in town anyway :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

I'm not sure.. I don't want to convince myself it was if it wasn't...if that makes sense lol.
I remember it was about 14weeks when I first felt Mia kick me...I'm sure I'll start believing its the baby when Im getting a proper jab in the ribs or bladder lol.
We've bought 1 babygro, 1 bodysuit and 1 little all in one outfit and Mia bought a baby blanket :cloud9: But we tried to limit everything until was more certain and we're really lucky in that the big stuff we're being lent by members of family or friends. So we only have to buy some stuff... thankfully.
No I don't want to find out the gender lol, Adam would love to and it bugs him that I don't want to know. But it just isn't right to know to me, I think and feel it should be a surprise when they're born. And it'll also stop us going over the top spending loads on stuff for either gender that would never get used.
If he could keep it to himself then fine, I'd be ok with him knowing but he wouldn't or he'd let it slip unintentionally..so we're agreed not to find out :haha:
I'm quite interested in the gender prediction stuff though, so might post a thread here to see what peoples thoughts and guesses are... only have to wait until May to find out :haha:

Oh god :shock: That's like one of my worst nightmares, the thought of doing that in labour!! So humiliating. I'd be mortified. :blush:

But barely there is still there!!
Good luck with the interviews tomorrow hun and please please please get some tests and do them soon!!!
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Ahh fair enough :) Maybe it just needs to grow a bit more first to feel those proper jabs :)
Ahhh that's adorable! That's sweet Mia brought a blanket :thumbup: Your soo lucky you wont be buying anything big! Me and OH have got options to be given things, but certain things we want to buy new lol
You should look and see what people think that would be good! Have you got any thoughts yet?? I know people say if the heads more rounder its likely to be a girl, but somethings telling me your going to have a boy :shrug: dont ask why lol.
Thanks hun, first interviews for 1pm :)
And yes I will - I am getting them but because my second interview is at 2.40pm I probably wont be home until about 4pm :dohh: lol 
Are you still going to see Adams nan this weekend? :D x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun,
How did the interviews go?
Did you get some tests? Have you tested yet?? :coffee: :happydance:
Yeah it is abit early to feel the baby yet - all pregnancy books say you can feel baby from 16 - 21 weeks.
Yeah, we're really lucky that so many people can lend us things. The biggest thing we have to buy is the pram and my mum has offered to get that for us - but I want the my choice my4 from mothercare and its nearly £500 so we've said to split it, but my mum still wants to buy it atm.
I posted 3 threads up for gender guesses and most people have said boy so far.. so Adam is chuffed but doubtful. He wants a little boy so much.
I haven't had any gut feelings yet, I keep dreaming that we have a baby boy... but I don't know if thats because I want us to have a boy to make Adam so happy.
No we aren't going this weekend now. Serenity's mum had a paddy last night and is stopping Adam having her again - stupid bloody cow, just because he takes Serenity swimming :dohh:
But Adam has asked his mum and stepdad to bring his nan down for the day on Saturday, he asked them before he isn't having Serenity now, so they might come.
They've never visited since we've been together, apparently his parents are just that way, always expect him to make all the effort. I kinda understand though as his mum is vvv allergic to cats, but we've said just come to pop in, have a look at new house then go out for the day... but I dunno if they will :shrug: and to me, if the cat hair is that bad, whats the difference with us going up there and bringing cat hair with us...:dohh:
xxx


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## Jewel33

Hi ladies just wanted to say thank you for this thread. I had a MMC and D&C 3 wks ago i was 6-7wks and we are already TTC i feel like there is hope after all :thumbup:


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey you :)
The interviews went fine :D :coffee:
Ahhh that's so sweet of your mum!!! My mum offered to buy the moses basket and mattress lol :)
Nawww go team blue! I was thinking he'd probably want a little boy :) Bless, that would be nice for you both though, as you'd both have a boy and a girl of your own :thumbup:
I can't believe Serenity's mum is being like that - do you thinkit may be to do with jealousy the fact that your pregnant?
Yeah good point! Ahh I will have my fx'd that they do :thumbup: 
Just want to say that I am soo happy for you by the way - and it gives me hope that eventually someday I'll have my sticky bean too :cloud9: x x x

...Oh yes sorry lol! I brought tests and tested yesterday evening, used two tests and there was very faint lines on them so dont know :shrug: I was feeling pregnant and had looads of symptoms, but they've started going :nope: Even my soreness from my boobs have pretty much gone and I was in agony with them x


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## PrettyUnable

Jewel33 said:


> Hi ladies just wanted to say thank you for this thread. I had a MMC and D&C 3 wks ago i was 6-7wks and we are already TTC i feel like there is hope after all :thumbup:

I'm sorry for your loss and there is always hope... and to me, where there's hope, there's life. As cheesy as that sounds.

Good luck and sticky dust for a little bean
:hugs:
xx


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## PrettyUnable

I'm glad to hear the interviews went well... hope you get the job you like the sound of best lol...
Yeah very sweet of my mum, but I feel guilty wanting that pram when it's so expensive, so I'd rather she let us split it.
We're being lent moses basket, breast pump and steriliser from Adam's sister.
My best friend is lending us cotbed and changing table set.
My aunty is lending us size 1 and size 2 car seats.
There really are only a few things we need... I'm so glad we're so lucky that everyone is being so generous and great.
Yeah it would be nice to have a girl and a boy each... I just dont know yet lol, with Mia I knew she was a girl but I didn't tell anyone, but this time I just have no clue and I think I could be swayed into thinking boy because Adam wants a boy so much :dohh:
Lol, I'd like to say yeah, she's probably jealous... but she doesn't know yet!! Adam is planning on telling her sometime in the New Year. As she needs time to sulk and stop him from having Serenity again and then hopefully get over it by the time the baby is due. I keep worrying how she will be when I go into labour, I keep hoping that it happens in the week and not a weekend he has Serenity, otherwise he'll have to take her back home and I just know she'll kick off about him putting me and the baby first. Which normally I would never do but I don't think it's too unreasonable for me to want him to be with me whilst I'm in labour. And I want my mum with me too, so its not like she could have Serenity either, although she would. But I don't think it's fair to ask my mum to, particularly not knowing how long I could be in labour for, Serenity isn't the easiest to look after and Sara (Serenity's mum) would flip her lid if she found out my mum had her. Sara has gone mad because Adam has left Serenity with me for 10 mins to pop to the shop :dohh: Because she thinks I wouldn't care for her properly...:nope: Yeah like I've done such a bad job with Mia :dohh: Idiot.

Thanks hun, I'm hoping them come too, to spend some time with Adam and try to prove to him that he is worth making the effort for too. But he definately doesn't think they'll come now if they can't see Serenity.

:happydance: Sooooo exciting!!! Try not to worry or over think the symptoms hun. If this pregnancy has taught me anything it's that every pregnancy can be completely different, what you had with one you might not with another. I didn't get any symptoms at all with Mia, and I seem to be making up for it this time and having them all.
When do you think you'll test again?
I really hope this is your sticky bean, Im keeping everything crossed for you!
And thanks hun lol making me blush :blush:
:hugs: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Thanks hunny :flower: So do I :)
I finished my NVQ in Health and Social Care teh other day :happydance: So I'm really hoping my hard work pays off soon!
Bless - have you got any pics of the one you wanted? As I'd be useless at finding it lol :dohh:
Gosh you reaally are lucky!! My friend (who I went to the hospital with the other day) said she has looads of stuff she can give me too - loads of it she hasn't even used lol :wacko: as she tends to over spend, so I'm going to try and learn from her mistakes and try and get only what it really needs lol! Even though I learnt that was already hard!
So will you be breastfeeding?
Oh haha! I though she might have seen when Adam announced on facebook, or if someone knew her that found out from facebook and told her lol.
Gosh she sounds like a right immature idiot lol! And there is definitely nothing wrong with just wanting Adam there, surely she should understand that? Although she sounds like she's trying to make everything difficult :wacko:
That's bad that they won't do it for there own son! Tell a little white lie or something ;) 
Yeah I suppose your right :thumbup: Thanks hunny :)
Naww haha do you blush easily? Im the worst for that-blushing all the time! :blush:
Well I tested with 2nd FMU and got another line :happydance: Still hardly there but 'there' iykwim? lol x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Aw well done you!! I hope you're very proud - you should be!!
https://www.mothercare.com/richContent/B001NLZ0NW?ie=UTF8&pf_rd_r=1X5S68BDVM1ZFY3MG729&pf_rd_m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_i=B001NLZ0NW&pf_rd_p=221610327&pf_rd_s=left-2
That's the pram, the 2nd picture and we want it in black. I love it because even when the baby is older and it's a pushchair they can still face you.
Yeah exactly, I think we both learnt with Mia and Serenity that with first baby everyone always goes over the top and most of the stuff never gets looked at nevermind used. So this time we'll be more realistic. Yeah my friend who is lending us the cotbed and changing table is the exact same, she used them maybe a handful of times with her daughter so theyre practically brand new.
It is hard to limit spending though, especially if you find out the sex I think.

Yeah I want to breast feed. Its one of the things I regret giving up on with Mia, as she was in the NICU for 3 weeks I could only express and it wasn't until she was 2 weeks old that she could actually take any milk through a tube and she was having 1mil at a time, where as I was producing and expressing so much milk that I filled the hospital freezer and they asked if I would mind donating some of the milk to the other babies whose mums were struggling with expressing. It wasn't until Mia was 3 weeks old that she actually breastfed and then we went home. But I ended up having mastitis because I was producing more than she needed and I couldnt cope with breastfeeding and then expressing for hours at a time, so I ended up giving up at 4am one night when Mia was crying because my boobs were so solid, sore and bleeding that she couldnt get any milk and I was crying in pain :cry:
When the health visitor found out I'd stopped breastfeeding her response to me was "you should have carried on through the pain for your baby" :nope:

Nope, they aren't friends on facebook, we both blocked her before we announced and Adam made sure they haven't any friends in common anymore.
She really is, which is why we're trying to put off telling her until court order for agreed times when Adam has her is set, as then there will be a repercussion for her if she tries to stop him having Serenity. 
She is completely deluded and she honestly believes the crap she makes up she's more than difficult, she's bloody psychotic :wacko: 
She will try to make everything difficult, even more so when she knows. I've told Adam he isn't to tell her the baby's due date at all, he can tell her in May but not when because guaranteed all through May then she will piss about with telling him he can have Serenity or cancelling at short notice, just to try and ruin the time for us. She is a selfish immature little child.

Lol, tempting but Adam wouldn't, he says he's used to them not bothering. When he was with Sara, they lived in Chesterfield which is about 45mins from the rest of his family and they never visited then. But that was because they all hated Sara (understandably so) and now they won't visit us because either they're too skint - so we offer to pay for fuel and for hotel. Then the reason is because of the cat - but like I've said, it's no different to us visiting them covered in cat hair. It's just excuses but Im determined to get them to visit, particularly when the baby is born. 

That's ok, just try to relax and be excited - it can only help, definately more so than worrying will do.
God yes, I blush so easily over everything and nothing - its embarassing which then makes me blush even more lol.
:happydance: Oooooh I'm so happy and excited for you!!! A line is a line, if its there, it's still there!!!! :hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Thanks :blush: I really appreciate that :cloud9:
Oh my god I love that pram!!! it's gorgeous!!! I'm a bit of a pram paedophile sounds wrong but I just constantly look at prams and remember the one's I like :blush:
Even though I plan not to really use a pram much and just use a sling more - Im obsessed with these at the moment! >>>> https://www.mumstore.co.uk/mountain-buggy-travel-system-adaptors-maxi-cosi-terrain-p-2413.html << or ones like that ;)
Yeah I know what you mean, if I knew what sex my baby would be I'd probably buy everything gender related :wacko: haha
Aww hunny, don't worry - like you said, you can do it for this baby, and atleast Mia got some of it :thumbup:
My mum wanted to breastfeed me but I wouldn't keep it down, so she used formula and I wouldn't keep that down either :wacko:
I can't believe your health visitor said that! Screw her!!
Oh my what a cow!! lol. Cant believe it - yeah she doesn't need to know any information anyway, it's yours and Adams child, there is no need for her to know anything :thumbup:
Aww bless, it's a shame though. Maybe though, if they're only going to come down if Serenity's there, then maybe when you have your baby they'll visit more too :)
Ahh I'v definitely gotten excited now - took another test and its more stronger (still faint) but 'there; :happydance: Back on the pregnancy train!! Except I'm scared because AF is due tomorrow :nope: x x x


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## PrettyUnable

I know what you mean, I love looking at prams and it's almost like I'm eyeing them up lol.
But I'm really fussy with how a pram looks and I've narrowed it down to that one or the Petite Starr Kurvi 4 as they are really similar. But nowhere seems to stock them in store to go and try and have a good look and it....so I'm reluctant to buy a pram online that I haven't even seen.
So that kinda made the choice for me.
Yeah I'm quite interested in a sling or a wrap but for really selfish reasons lol, so if we're out, noone can take the baby from me like they would with pushing a pram lol.
Yeah I think that when you don't know you only buy the basics in white or cream to then buy outfits and the rest when theyre born but because you already have stuff, won't go ott... well thats my theory anyway. If it works for us is another matter lol.
Yeah when we put Mia on formula it took ages to actually find one that she could keep down, ended up using Aptamil, was the only one she liked.
Would you want to breast feed or formula?
I really do think its such a personal choice and no one should be pushed into it or made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding etc.
Yeah, I'm trying to ignore and not think about her at all, because it just gets me all riled up and I just want to have a big go at her, but that really isn't important now. I need to put the baby first and being stress free for the baby. Much more important than that stupid evil cow.
Oooh I like your theory!!! Hopefully it will work out that way too... although Adam said he doubts it as he thought that with Serenity too, but they havent been down in the past year to see her, we've taken her up to see them.
So :shrug: I'll keep trying though.
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
You're soooooo pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
I'm so happy and excited for you hun!!!!
Hurray!!!!!! :happydance::baby::happydance::baby::happydance:
Don't be scared or worried.. believe it!!!!
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Haha yeah! I suppose in some ways it's kind of selfish - but hey ;) We carried them for 9 months so why should it stop now? ;)
I find it just easier too, you have your hands free, and it's easier for breastfeeding :)
I want to breastfeed :thumbup: My mum really wants me too as well, which is nice she's supporting me with that :) But I'm not sure how long I'd want to for - I was thinking until it's starts being weaned and then move onto Aptimil follow on :)
How are you feeling now anyway?
I can't believe they are like that - do you know why? Is there any reason?
Aha funnily enough, yes I am :happydance:
AF was due today and she always arrives in the morning, unless it's a miscarriage/chemical. But yeah no blood, or no hot fuzzy belly feeling that happens a few hours before she does.
Got a nice faint positive yesterday too :happydance: :happydance: I can't believe it! Just hoping and praying this one sticks!!!! I'm going to use a clearblue didgital monday if I have no blood before then and then from the results I shall ring the Dr! Eeeeeekk! x x x


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## xxxjessxxx

Scrap that :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
me and OH had rough sex last night, a few times I had pains but it went so we carried on. After sex we realised there was a little blood. Not much, and generally thought it would be my cervix because it wasn't that noticeable. But this morning I've woken up and soaked the bed in blood I'm in pain. I stood up and the blood is just coming out of me :nope: So yeah :cry: 
What hurts is we we're hopeful about this one :cry: My bfp was stronger than the first bfp I ever got! Soooo anyway, bye bye baby :'( xxx
Hope your doing ok though Elle xxx


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## PrettyUnable

Aw hun, no :cry:
I'm so sorry :hugs:
Go to the EPAU? Maybe things could be ok still? Sometimes people do bleed early on and everything is still ok?
I'm so so sorry :( I wish there was something I could do or say. Is there anything I can do or say?
Please tell me you and OH are going to go to doctors now after this?
Big big big hugs.xxxxxxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Thanks :cry:
Yeah we plan to go to the Dr's next week. Im going to take a test then too.
Today though the bleeding has stopped???! It stopped yesterday about 1pm, and turned into gloopy stuff. Now today - even after sex last night, nothing 
Still planning to wait a week to test again, but I know from previous miscarriages this is different. So whether or not different is good, I'll have to wait and find out.
Thanks hunny x x x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun,
How are you feeling? Has the bleeding still stopped?
I'm keeping everything crossed for you that all is ok still. I couldn't wait to take more tests though.. I would be testing all the time trying to see if the line was getting lighter or darker..
It's the waiting, not knowing that gets to me.
I'm sorry I haven't been on much, I'm still rough and been hiding from the world, and I can't reply on here on my phone, it makes too many mistakes etc so I just wait to come on on the laptop.
How are things between you and OH with all this?
:hugs:xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Bleeding did stop but its started again quite light. Did a test today and back to stupid bfn :nope: :cry:
Sorry to hear your not to well still - still off of work?
We're alright, he just hasn't been as understanding or supportive as I need him, but hey ho! x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Aw hun, how are you feeling? Do you think youre pregnant or have lost the baby? :cry:
I guess it's hard for men to understand completely, that we feel connected to the baby right away, that it's our baby and we feel every loss just as hard as the first :hugs:
Maybe you should go to the doctors this week?
Yeah signed off for the inevitable future. Doctors have referred me to ENT to see if it is vertigo related or anything really.
I'm almost resigned to the fact that it's just this pregnancy and the baby doesn't like me already :dohh:
xxx


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## themarshas

:hugs: Sorry to hear about your loss Jess. You are so amazingly strong! Fingers crossed that everything works out the next time! and I agree that a dr's appointment is completely in order.


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## themarshas

and sorry to hear your OH isn't as supportive as you need him too be. I can only imagine how you must be feeling after going through so much and I'm pretty sure that if I was in your shoes I'd have to be the one calming my DH down. One M/C was enough to make him freak out and he's now full of worry about everything I do, eat, touch, ect. Blah. I'm sure he's just trying to cope in his own way... sometimes men just don't think enough about others. Good luck and we're all thinking about you


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## xxxjessxxx

themarshas - thanks hun, well I have finally booked my Dr's appointment for Wednesday morning :happydance: I'm absolutely terrified though :nope: And I hope i get some answers!! SOrry to hear you experienced a loss too, but your DH sounds protective in a very sweet way lol. Hope your ok too :hugs: x x x

hey elle :) I know I've been speaking on fb, hope your ok. I have done tests since and bfn. not even a hint of a line, but the lack of blod doesn't make sense :nope:
Well hopefully I'll get answers at the Dr's ey!
Ahh I hope they find something to help it hunny I really do :hugs: Must be a nightmare! x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun, how did it go at the doctors?
I'm still the same and called the hospital and they only got my referal for ENT today... but hopefully appointment won't be too long and then have some more answers.
Hope you're ok and today went well.
:hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Hey :hi: Thanks hun, the Dr's went ok.
The night before, Andy asked is I was ok and I said "yes, Im just really scared about tomorrow" - so after about 15seconds of silence, he then said "you know what? dont worry too much about it, as I'm coming with you." I said "what about work?" and he said "your more important than work jess" :happydance: so yeah, he came with me in the end bless him :D 
When we got to the Dr's I saw my own Dr for once, told him everything and he said "well I dont really know much about pregnancy and that area, so what I'm going to do is refer you to Dr R* and she works in that area more. She can run tests, and scans etc to find out more for you" (You'd think after 28years experience though he'd know something :dohh: ) But good thing is, Dr R* was the one I saw second time round with my first pregnancy and she got me the scan etc :thumbup:
So I had to book an appointment with Dr R*, they said the closest is 30th November?!! I said "cant you do any closer?" so the woman booked me in for Monday at 2:20pm BUT it's a different surgery I have to go to. I hope I can get answers now though :)
I told my mum too, and she was amazing about it! thought she wouldn't be too impressed but she's offered to take me and Andy to the surgery on Monday :) As Andy said at first "Baby, I dont think I'll be able to make Monday because of work" then when he saw my face drop :( he said "actually, f*** work, we need eachother and your more important - I can always get another job" bless him :)
Annnd to make things even better - I've got an interview for next week to work in a nursery around the corner from mine :happydance:
Sorry for writing oso much :blush:

That must be annoying that they've only just got your referral :wacko: Ahh hopefully we both get our answers soon!! Fx'd you get your appointment asap!!
How are things with you though - apart from the not so good bits atm tho lol? :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey, I'm glad it went ok and that Andy went with you :happydance:
Definately sounds like he's treating you much more how you deserve :)
Bit bizarre that your dr said had no clue but I suppose it's better to be honest and put you on the right track for who can help :thumbup:
:happydance: I'm so glad you're getting such good support from your mum and Andy hun, really. I'm sure it will help having them there.
Oooh good luck for the interview :)
Don't be sorry at all, talk all you want. We've both done mega posts in the past lol.

Yeah, abit but I guess at least I have been referred. Yeah, it's good that we're both on the way to getting some answers :)

Apart from the sickness, nausea and dizziness I feel like I'm falling apart, emotionally.
I keep getting so upset about things - crying over Friends episode where Ross and Rachel break up, I can handle - it's hormones. 
But Sara - Adam's ex is being her usual psycho self and is stopping him from seeing Serenity again. He hasn't seen her for 4 weeks now and when he spoke to Sara last night it ended with her saying that he won't see her again.
I was freezing cold and shaking when he got off the phone. I just want to rip her to pieces. I don't understand how any mother can use their child like she does. She has no reason to stop him from having Serenity, none, except the obvious power trip that she gets over it. 
I make myself stop, breathe deeply and try to pretend that the argument isn't 
going on around me but when I hear her squawky voice on the phone say something stupid like he can't have Serenity because "Serenity doesn't know who you are" WTF? How she seems to think this suddenly I don't understand and if that were true surely a good parent would encourage their child and the father to spend more quality time together to ensure they bond properly. But her? NOOOOOOOOO. :growlmad: God I could hit her. Really smack her into next week.
I said to Adam he may as well tell her we're expecting now, whilst she's flipped out over this just get it over and done with. But he wants to wait until an agreement is in place over his time with Serenity, but with me off sick from work we can't afford a solicitor now, so if he wants to do it, he'd have to represent himself and I just don't know if thats a good idea... :shrug:
He's going to go to Citizens Advice and see if they can help find out what he has to do etc but something needs to be done I guess.

- This is my evil, selfish part of me now and it makes me question so much about myself but part of me doesn't mind that he doesn't get to have her. I mean I mind for him as he misses her and it hurts him. But I'm happy with our life with just the 3 of us and the new baby, it works, and it is much harder with Serenity and whenever Sara is involved in anything.
I know that its awful, and I would never tell Adam it... because he would just... hate me I think, and rightly so. 
But everything that goes on because of Sara makes me resent her and Serenity more. The money we have to spend because he's in debt upto his eyes because of their wedding, their divorce and custody of their daughter. 
I'm paying for that.
I'm in a much worse financial situation(obviously not when working) being with Adam, and he knows it, and there is a part of me that thinks..what do I get from it? I get to be with Adam which is totally worth it but nothing else.
We won't be engaged or getting married for years, if at all because of they did.
We can't get a mortgage and buy a house for years because of their debt.
I just get so mad about it all.
I resent it all.
I even resent the fact that they were engaged after being together for 10 months, and we're not. Does that mean he loved her more? Adam says no, and he wants to surprise me with it when we can afford to - hmmm which will be bloody never and how will it be a surprise if I know when we can afford stuff? :growlmad:
I'm just pregnant and emotional and full of hormones and everything seems and feels worse... 
I'm also trying to deal with the fact that when she was 6months pregnant Adam cheated on her - kind of. Depends on your version of cheating but he had a discussion with someone about having sex with them online, not cybersex apparently, but as close to it as possible I reckon.
I view that as cheating but I am very possessive and won't have him even look at another girl like that, if he's with me then that it or its done.
So I'm getting all wound up, jealous and paranoid about getting closer to the 6month mark that he will wander and I won't know how to cope or what to do.
Their relationship was very different, they rarely had sex, ever. Not that that condones his behaviour, but our sexual relationship is still very healthy... so hopefully it was just that.
I just worry with being ill, that I'm not doing anything, he is. Cooking and cleaning etc, that Im taking advantage, that he feels like that. I'm just scared about it all.. :nope:
So yeah I'm a complete mess... :cry:
And I'm sorry for such a long post lol...
How are you?
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah its good :) Made things so much easier!!
I thought it was a waste lol, it kind of annoyed me, but then I thought it makes sense that he gives me the best I can get instead of him giving me second best lol :D
OH my god she is being a complete and utter B*I*T*C*H!!!!!!!
I cannot believe she's being like that! WHy?? DOes she enjoy the drama?

Oh hun I can understand how you feel about all of that :hugs: It's ok to feel like that and Im glad you have somewhere like this to let it out :flower:
Your paying for that??!?! That's insane!!
Ahh hunny, that's completely understandable though it really is, have you mentioned to Adam about it? Obviously not the resenting Serenity etc, but how you find it hard knowing your paying money for something that you detest.
It doesn't mean he loves her more, it means he's not going to settle for anything cheapy and is going to do the proper deal :thumbup: I know it's hard waiting, but they do get to it eventually and it is worth it :)
No thats' cheating to me - sounds like you and me have the same views ;) If andrew ever watched porn we'd be over, but he says he agrees with it all so yh. But im strict with it too and that would be cheating as well! It's hard to trust them, but hey I'd kind of let him off knowing how much of a nutcase Sara was ;)
Nahh I get like that sometimes, I think if I don't give andrew sex within 2 days he'll wander off :wacko: i know he wont but i panic, I get so insecure sometimes I hate watching films or tv where i know they'll be some naked person or provactiveness :blush: it's bad, but i only got like that when i was first pregnant and its hard breaking habits :/
Just try and reassure yourself he clearly loves you so much, and sometimes you may think - why is he with me? but it's because he loves you dearly. always ask for reassurance from him if you do worry, or show your appreciation some how - like even doing a little handmade card with some paper and pen, its little, but they do seem to find it funny yet they adore it too :) little things go a long way :)
I was going to ask about sex actually - sorry if its too personal, but now your pregnant do you two have very rough sex?? Or are you both gentle?
Im ok, im not so nervous about monday as I know I have my mum and Andrews support, and I've seen the Dr before and she helped me then so I reckon she can help me now :) fx'd!! x x x

Keep shining you!!


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## PrettyUnable

I bet - the support is so good and definately needed. I bet you were annoyed at first but totally, it's the best thing to see the other doctor.
I don't know why she does it, but she honestly believes all the crap she comes out with, she's delusional. It's actually very scary to think 1. She's allowed to care for a child, and 2. She's allowed to walk around and isn't locked up in a mental institution. :dohh:

I'm so glad that I can vent here and that you so much for listening to all my crap and replying. You have the patience of a saint! :flower:
The thing is I can't say anything, because I knew what mess I was taking on when we got together and I chose not to walk away. I just wish it could all be sorted already so we can actually live without struggling because of their past. And I can't not help him with money or he couldn't afford anything, and what makes me laugh is that Sara thinks that Adam pays for everything. I just laugh because how she thinks that I really don't know - he pays £270 child maintenence a month and £350 to repay their loans a month. How she thinks we'd live on the £880 he has left to pay all the bills, rent of £595 and food, I don't know. Then she is even more of an idiot because Mia goes to a private school, which luckily my mum pays for, but Sara is convinced that somehow I'm making Adam pay for it. 
Like how??? It's just under £3000 a term, how in hell would we do that? Short of pimping ourselves out :dohh:
She just lives in la-la land. She has no concept of the real world at all. It scares me.

When I'm being reasonable and logical (which is few and far between atm) I know you're right. It doesn't mean he loved her more. The situations are very different, but it's just hard to think that when I'm mad about all of the above and what an idiot he was to marry her.
God yes, I'm just the same!!! I hate it and get so jealous if we watch something where theres a woman being all sexy or starkers, which is just daft to be jealous, but I don't want him to even think about liking anyone else but me lol..surely that's not too much to ask :blush:
Yeah I can excuse his doing it because of how :wacko: Sara is, but me and Adam had some issues not long after we moved in together around Feb/March time because he lied to me about some stupid stuff to my face and he tried to convince me that I was just paranoid, when he was effing lying. We came so close to splitting up over it and he knows if he lies about anything to me again, I'm gone. Or rather - he's gone. So that with him cheating on her when she was pregnant just makes me more paranoid...:shrug:
Thanks so much hun :hugs: What you said really helped and I will try to do what you said and will definately use the handmade card idea! Thanks :thumbup:
That's ok, it's not too personal. We don't have rough sex no, Adam is even more cautious now, anytime I make a noise he doesn't think is in pleasure he stops dead and says "What, are you ok? Are you hurt? Did I hurt you or the baby?" Bless him :cloud9: He never has hurt me but we can't have sex with him on top now, it puts too much pressure on my expanding tummy.
But we've never had rough sex, due to alot of issues I have from my past. Sex was never a pleasurable thing for me until I got to about 25 and realised that I needed to stop living in my past and actually be selfish - I could and am allowed to enjoy sex.
But rough sex just takes me right back so I can't cope with it. 
I've never really liked sex from behind either, as I love sex to close and intimate, whereas in that position I just don't know what to do with myself. Which is kinda worrying me now with pregnancy as people seem to say that it usually ends up being the only position comfortable with a bump :shrug: 

I really hope you get some answers on Monday hun, I'm keeping everything crossed for you. Let me know how it goes when you get chance, if you can :flower:
xxx


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## aidasmom

Hey You.....
I lost my baby girl August 24th of this year. She was born premature at 32 weeks & we lost her 5 days later due to an infection.
My boyfriend has a 6 year old daughter & it's been all by easy to have her around. She too spends every other weekend with us and I had MANY moments of wishing her to go home to her mother. She was not only a constant reminder of what I lost but of what his ex gave him that I felt I failed to provide. I also couldn't deal with her child antics & children bounce back so fast & that is REALLY hard to see when you are no where near where they are thinking/feeling. It's really NOT easy. It has gotten easier but I have my days & moments where I wish her away......I think this is very, very natural. Just keep breathing!


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## xxxjessxxx

Yeah, I felt really bad in Andy tbh, as I felt he took a day off for pretty much nothing :/ But I was so nervous and definitely still needed his support. Im glad my mums being helpful too like taking there on Monday :)

Hahaha that's funny - she sounds like a psycho crazy!
Bless, honestly hunny - anytime!! That's what these groups are for :hugs:
Oh my that's looooads of money - she really doesn't understand anything by the sounds of it, and like you said - it really is scary knowing she cares for a child!!?
Lol no it's not too much to ask at all! It does my head in at so much women nudity there is around! Like there's women in bra's and underwear on billboards?!!? what's the world comig too! lol
Not only that, children see those women, fake, covered in makeup, skinny so you could probably play a xylophone on their ribs lol, then children think thats what you should look like :wacko:
Ahh, I know how you feel about taking it to your past :hugs:
I felt like a sex slave previously :nope: and hated it, and it was all about pleasing them. But now with Andy, it's nice because I get pleasured too, but he alllllwwwwaays wants to be rough :dohh: I tell him to be slow or gentle but he gets carried away :nope:
I LOVE being intimate too but we rarely do so much :/
Ouou are you starting to get a bump?? :D

Thanks hunny, I definitely will!! :thumbup: 
Hope your having a lovely weekend! x x x


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## PrettyUnable

aidasmom said:


> Hey You.....
> I lost my baby girl August 24th of this year. She was born premature at 32 weeks & we lost her 5 days later due to an infection.
> My boyfriend has a 6 year old daughter & it's been all by easy to have her around. She too spends every other weekend with us and I had MANY moments of wishing her to go home to her mother. She was not only a constant reminder of what I lost but of what his ex gave him that I felt I failed to provide. I also couldn't deal with her child antics & children bounce back so fast & that is REALLY hard to see when you are no where near where they are thinking/feeling. It's really NOT easy. It has gotten easier but I have my days & moments where I wish her away......I think this is very, very natural. Just keep breathing!

I'm so so sorry for you loss :hugs:

It's good to hear that I'm not alone with finding it hard being around OHs daughter sometimes.

Take care and all the best. :hugs:


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun,
How are you? How did the doctors go?
Were your mum and Andy supportive? I hope so.

I completely agree about the portrayal of women through media - it's awful and does no good for girls or boys growing up. Girls think they have to look like that and boys think girls actually naturally should all look like that! It's crazy!!

If your sex life works for you that's great - but maybe with the losses particularly at the beginning maybe you should avoid rough sex or sex altogether if he won't be anything but rough. It may have no affect but me and Adam rarely have sex for the first few weeks at least, and are always gentle just incase.

Lol, I wish - its just more that the bump is growing under my fat and pushing my tummy out so I just look fatter :dohh:
My tummy is quite hard now almost upto my belly button. I can't believe that less than 5 weeks from halfway... it's just flown by!

Thanks hun, our weekend was ok.. pretty boring. We don't tend to do much, just spend time together :flower:
Did you get upto anything nice?
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

hey elle - sorry for the late reply.
Im still pee'd off lol - yesterday the receptionist of the Dr's rang in the morning, and she said "you may laugh at this actually, but Dr R* is ill so we'll have to reschedule" (laugh?? no, i felt like punching her lol :wacko: ) Anyway, Dr's have been rescheduled for 23rd November now :nope:
Yesterday i started bleeding again?!?!?! Keep having big glugs of red blood :cry: Im so confused! I have no idea why Im having more blood, whats going on or anything :nope:
Andy's being good, my mum seemed to have another turning point again though so yeah :/
Yeah I completely agree!! I feel I can't even walk down the DVD aisle nowadays because there are halfnaked women exploited all over them!
Hmm, I shall take that to a point :)
Although yesterday me and Andrew had sex but I felt like we made love :cloud9: even he said it felt like he made love, he said it was the best he'd ever had and I agreed :blush: It was amazing, but It was bad also, as I was bleeding, and we said no sex but one thing led to another :nope: 
Ahh haha bless you! Gosh that has zoomed by! I was going to say it's great to see your tickers going up and up - Im soo happy for you!
Bless, did you do anything like a card or anything in the end? 
Me and OH went out Friday to watch a band play in the pub :) Then saturday we went out to play some pool and stuff, then sunday we just chilled :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun, 
That's so annoying about the Doctors cancelling your appointment.Is your mum and Andy still going with you tomorrow?
Have you still been bleeding more?
I couldn't wait with the not knowing hun, I wouldve gone into a&e and seen if EPAU could help.
It's not good for you to not know what is going on :hugs:
Hope Andy is still being supportive and sorry your mum seems to have changed...hopefully she'll be supportive too.
That's really nice hun that you both felt so close and intimate, everyones sex life is different but if you both loved it so much I hope you get to be like that together more too.
Thanks hun, yeah the time really is flying by.. being off sick doesn't seem to be helping. I'm getting really fed up and sulky about it. Especially with the referall appointment to ENT taking upto 6months.. will have had the baby by then :(
No, I haven't managed to do a card or anything like that yet, with me being off sick and Adam works from home we're together 24/7 atm...so havent had chance.
Sorry I haven't replied for ages... I'm just a big moody grumpy bum and hiding from the world.
I hope youre ok and everything is ok. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow :hugs:
xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

I know it really annoyed me and I felt bad with Andrew for him having the day off :nope: Yeah, he's coming with me tomorrow bless him :cloud9: I said not to because of work, but I appreciate his iniative and consideration completely as tbh - I couldn't do this alone.
My mum seems ok again :) She said this morning she had a dream last night that I was jumping up and down and couldn't stop smiling and hugging her because I was pregnant :D I told her weirdly enough last night I had a dream that I had a little baby boy and I was so proud to have him and happy lol. Strange isn't it :wacko:
Yeah now you've said that we have been a whole lot more intimate. We're sooo strong again and I feel so happy :cloud9: I know it may sound silly but I made a little thing to help and my god its worked wonders! Even Andrew agrees :D I've done a traffic light thing, and put Bad on red, Ok on amber and Good on green, and I've done our names on a piece of card, and depending on how we feel we put ourselves on the correct colour. But it's good because say for example if Im feeling a bit down and Im on 'ok' Andrew does something to cheer me up and vica-versa :thumbup: Its worked well :D How are you and Adam getting on?
I cant believe it would take up to 6 months!!! That's insane :wacko: Is there no naughty way you can get them to push it forward ;)
Sorry to hear your hiding from the world :hugs: Keep shinging you!
Are you ok? Have you felt the baby move at all yet? :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hope today goes well hun and you at least get some answers :hugs:
I'm glad he's coming with you anyway, you need all the support and I'm so glad about your mum. It's probably hard for her to see you being upset each time and there isn't anything she can do :shrug:
I'm glad things are so great between you :happydance: Thats brilliant. And that traffic light idea is really cute, and it if works then all the better! It's like explaining you're down without taking it out on anyone first :thumbup:
Me and Adam are the same as always lol.. although we've had little tiffs and I'm brewing to talk to him about something, I just keep putting it off as I don't want the arguments :dohh:
It's stupid, but at the same time it totally isn't. He was on his phone one night last week showing me something and he went out to his menu and I saw this app and asked him what it was. Well about 4/5 months ago he was going through all the apps and he was horrified to find a free app of porn stories, as was I, and we both agreed that any of our kids couldn't have a iphone/android etc until they were much older or until the apps have age restrictions on them. I thought that was that. But oh no, the app on his menu - was this app!!!!! :growlmad:
I asked why did he have it and he said he had it from when he mentioned it and had forgotten about it and he locked his phone and put it down.
I went mental and made him delete the app and wouldn't talk to him or let him touch me. I'm disguisted.
I didn't say it in the argument but it's brewing and I have to bring it up now because it seemed like he had no intention of deleting it unless I made him, so what else has he hidden on his phone from me? We don't go on each others phones, although he can go on mine whenever as there isn't anything I'm hiding but I don't know about vice versa.
And what is making me so paranoid is that stupid app because he said he had it from when he told me about it - but why download it?? On the app market you can read the description, you don't need to download it to find out what it is. So he knew what it was and downloaded for that... for what???
I can't stand porn or anything remotely like that and if he is hiding stuff and pissing about on me with other girls then he can fuck off.
But how do I talk to him about it without getting upset? Or arguing? Or telling him I still don't always believe him because of the lies before :nope:
It's all just spiralling :cry:

I know, the wait list is stupid. I went to my Dr after I found out the wait time and they said to call the ENT and tell them that I can have a short notice appointment if any cancellations, as there is another list for that :dohh: So I'll do that and see, hopefully get seen a bit sooner.
Thanks hun :hugs:
I'm ok, loads of everything just seems to be getting on top of me..but other than that..pregnancy wise everything is good. I haven't lost anymore weight either, which Im glad about, even with throwing up still, my body seems to be staying at same weight. I said to Adam I may weigh less after pregnancy than I did before lol :dohh:
Yep!! Been feeling the baby wriggle and little kicks. Adam is gutted can't feel them from outside yet, but I don't think it'll be long.
Everytime listen to the baby's heartbeat it's funny as everytime the baby kicks the doppler goes mad and you can hear the kick, like the baby is telling us to bugger off lol.
My bump is coming too, I still just look fat but if you push on most of my tummy its hard like a rock, upto my belly button. I hope I get a bump and I'm not too fat for it not to show, I'm keeping everything crossed to start showing as pregnant and not just bloated soon :haha: xxx


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## xxxjessxxx

Thanks Elle - I am exhausted! Had a very eventful few hours! :sleep:
Dr's went well actually, she said that she doesn't know why this is happening, but she gave me two forms to go to somewhere with (a list of names on the back) of where to go get a blood test one. She said when she receives the results she'll call me in to get a normal scan done to check everything :thumbup: So after leaving, I looked on the back and the only place still open was the hospital up until 4:15pm.
As I dont want Andrew taking much days off of work I suggested getting it done today so we get it out of the way. Sooooo we decided we'd get a bus as it's aaages to the hospital. Walked into town and realised OH didn't have his card on him to withdraw any money :dohh: So looking at the time - which was 3:20pm by then, we ended up deciding to walk there :wacko: We literally charged to the hospital (im bloody knackered now) and we just made it to there by 4:05pm :happydance::happydance: Felt like a mission!
Got it done anyway - my arms all achey now :nope: But on the way to getting somewhere atleast!! :) 

Oh my god!! If I found that on Andy's phone we'd be over! Bless you hun, I can understand how you feel - I believe we have the same views on that, it is DISGUSTING!
I've been at the point where I don't want to bring something up because of arguements. Have you thought of writing it in a letter. First start off with all the good things he does, then move onto what pissed you off and how it made you feel. Then say about how you feel for him and love him and stuff, and say that it hurt. Might help, as he can read it in his own time, and say if he's going to 'talk' then come and speak to you, but if not, then write it back :hugs: Hope things get better hunny :flower:
Ahhhh that's so sweet hun! I bet he cant wait to feel it! Have you any feelings of what you reckon it's going to be? Still happy with your names? :) x x x


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## PrettyUnable

Hey hun, how are things? Have you had any news from when you went to the hospital?
Sounds like you had a right mission to get there but at least you got somewhere and have hopefully had some answers :)

I did confront Adam about it and although his reasoning is still the same, that he just wanted to see what it was and then forgot about it. We had a big talk and I asked him outright if thats what he wanted or needed and he said no, but if he ever did then he would talk to me about it first.
I would be devastated but I'd rather him tell me he needs something more than find out about it, hidden somewhere.
Thanks hun, things are ok about it now.
I'm still paranoid and jealous but I kinda expect to be with all the hormones.

No... :nope: I feel broken. My gut instinct right away with Mia was I was having a girl, but this time I really don't know. I'm not feeling anything either way. :shrug: Just have to wait and see I guess...
Yeah.. although I'm not 100% on the girl name we've chosen. I'm not sure on the spelling or if I'm happy with it as it doesn't sound right with Mia... 
I don't know.
I still love the name Mia, even if I hear it on tv or something I think "I love that name, it's lovely"... but I don't feel like that over the girl name we've chosen, which makes me think it isn't quite right.
We want Neeva, but whether we spell it Neeva or Neevah. But Mia and Neeva sound too similar with the endings and just don't sit right somehow.
I love the nicknames of Neve and Nevie when they're little, but wouldn't use either of those as the names alone, so I don't know.. :nope:
Confused as hell over it.. :wacko:
Hope you're doing ok xxx


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## BabyMsMommy

This is my first time posting here or anywhere, so hope this goes ok. I understand the feeling of being "a horrible selfish women" especially on Wednesdays. It's been 2 months since my D&C for a missed miscarriage. I was told on a Wednesday at 11 weeks that my baby didn't have a heartbeat and it was a Wednesday that they did the D&C at 12 weeks. This was the first for my husband and I. We had never really discussed having children because he was aware that they had told me since the age of 17 years old that I would never get pregnant and if I did it would not follow through. So when we found out at 6 weeks that I was pregnant it was a HUGE GREAT surprise for us and our families. I have PCOS, am overweight and diabetic so to say the least I had some issues. I was nervous the whole pregnancy and I guess my fear came true. But Wednesdays are my selfish evil woman days. I walk around grumpy want to be alone and hate every pregnant woman I see. To top it off my best friend that works with me is 6 1/2 months pregnant just a month longer than I would have been and I have to see it every day. Well don't know where all this leads but just had to share it. It has affected my whole family especially my mom who after all this happened to me was very ill and depressed because she said she knows how it feels and she hurt for me as her daughter not being able to take my pain away. And my husband often cries for no reason. We named our baby "Baby M" we where planning to give our Angel a name that begins with an M because me and my husbands names begin with M. So now we're waiting till January to try again and if that doesn't work out we will let it be.


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## PrettyUnable

BabyMsMommy said:
 

> This is my first time posting here or anywhere, so hope this goes ok. I understand the feeling of being "a horrible selfish women" especially on Wednesdays. It's been 2 months since my D&C for a missed miscarriage. I was told on a Wednesday at 11 weeks that my baby didn't have a heartbeat and it was a Wednesday that they did the D&C at 12 weeks. This was the first for my husband and I. We had never really discussed having children because he was aware that they had told me since the age of 17 years old that I would never get pregnant and if I did it would not follow through. So when we found out at 6 weeks that I was pregnant it was a HUGE GREAT surprise for us and our families. I have PCOS, am overweight and diabetic so to say the least I had some issues. I was nervous the whole pregnancy and I guess my fear came true. But Wednesdays are my selfish evil woman days. I walk around grumpy want to be alone and hate every pregnant woman I see. To top it off my best friend that works with me is 6 1/2 months pregnant just a month longer than I would have been and I have to see it every day. Well don't know where all this leads but just had to share it. It has affected my whole family especially my mom who after all this happened to me was very ill and depressed because she said she knows how it feels and she hurt for me as her daughter not being able to take my pain away. And my husband often cries for no reason. We named our baby "Baby M" we where planning to give our Angel a name that begins with an M because me and my husbands names begin with M. So now we're waiting till January to try again and if that doesn't work out we will let it be.

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:

I'm not surprised Wednesdays are so hard for you. It will slowly get better in time. I still think everyday about loosing our Baby Bo, even with this pregnancy. I think it will always be with me.

Naming the baby does really help, and Baby M is lovely.

Try to rest, get lots of support and good luck for January.
:hugs:


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