# has your childs father been cooperative with paying child maintenance?



## babycrazy1706

or have they tried to worm their way out of it? i think my ex is gonna think that im being unreasonable asking for £100 a month or trying to punish him if i go to the csa. (not that i care what he thinks :haha:) but i just feel he's gona throw a hissy fit! im quite curious about this kind of thing at the mo. xx


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## blamesydney

I only ask for $100 a month and initially my FOB thought I was weaseling too much money from him until I took him to the lawyer whom told him that at minimum wage I'm entitled to $250 a month and he makes more then minimum wage. :dohh:


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## Dezireey

Um, no.

My FOB has gone to great lengths to avoid paying child maintenance and to avoid being a Dad. Its too long to explain here but there is another thread on it somewhere. He manged to get me to feel pity for him and his dire financial situation and has avoided paying child support for almost a year. Currently CSA is chasing him.

I just recommend getting child support organised asap. I hear good and bad stories about child support agency, some say they are a bit useless and others say they hound the other parent.


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## babycrazy1706

dezireey i read some of your posts last night, its clear you've had a tough time. :hugs: Xx


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## Dezireey

babycrazy1706 said:


> dezireey i read some of your posts last night, its clear you've had a tough time. :hugs: Xx

Thanks hun. Coming on here helps with the venting lol. Nothing surprises me about some men anymore. Never trust all of the buggers, thats what I say!

Glad I have an amazing father and brother and of course my little man will be raised to respect women or else! There are some nice men out there...... its jut a case of finding them! ....needle in a haystack job


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## babycrazy1706

Yeh totally agree. I have a wonderful father and 3 great brothers. They will be around to show my LO what being a good man is. LO's father is adament he will stick around as he has another son who is 8 now who he doesn't see (he lives in florida) and he does find it hard and says he won't make that mistake again. I think he will stick around. They have a good bond, ex could be better, but its clear he loves LO. Its just the money side of things. I think ex just thinks a baby needs nappies, milk and food. He forgets there is clothes, shoes (eventually) medicine, creams, toiletries etc, equipment like the next size car seat, (which I bought for £110 last week) bottles, dummies, cups, spoons. Toys and books, bedding, furniture, a stroller, the list goes on... As you know. Not to mention swimming, days at soft play or toddler groups, days out. I think that ex will think if I choose to take him to places I should pay because its my choice. Blah. Xx


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## xxsteffyxx

Harvey's dad only has to pay £5 a week (£20 a month) and he doesn't even pay that!


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## babycrazy1706

what happens if they dont pay?? xx


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## Fraggles

Not much if they say they dont work and dont claim benefits!


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## Dezireey

babycrazy1706 said:


> what happens if they dont pay?? xx

Depends. CSA have told me that if my FOB does not respond to a letter (after ignoring phone calls from them) then the next step is to take money out of his wages automatically (an employer can be prosecuted if they don't comply with this). So through CSA they can only get away with not paying by beating the system e.g becoming self employed, leaving the country, just going jobless or unemployed etc.

Having a mutual arrangement between parents always has risk as you could receive £100 a month from the father and then one day, if he wants, he can just say 'no, can't do it anymore (for whatever reason) and just stop. Then you have to go legal with it. But CSA will take into consideration what he has paid already, so very, very wise to get something signed and proof that he has paid or any missed payments.

I had a text from CSA today telling me that my case is progressing and they will update me shortly. :happydance:No idea what that means but I am guessing it may mean he has responded to their letter (in the letter CSA always tell the FOB that if he _does not_ respond to that letter, then they will then proceed with taking money out of his wages) This usually wakes them up!


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## babycrazy1706

Dezireey, that's fab news!! Let us know how u go on!!! :) :) :)


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## xxsteffyxx

In my case where my ex flits in and out of work and benefits and doesn't let the CSA know and racks up his arrears then eventually it gets taken to court and the courts ORDER him to pay matinence or he will face court fines or possibly prison depending on the circumstances. An attachment of earnins was slapped on my ex's wages when they found him working by checking HMRC, and once they put on the attachment he quit his job. Same again with benefits. He claims benefits for 4 weeks, CSA catch on he's on benefits and then once the attachment is on he'll leave. They're lucky I'm on the ball with my CSA payments because if I didn't keep reminding them then they probably wouldn't know. They have a lot of cases, compliant and non-compliant fathers... X


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## Dezireey

Does that basically mean that if the FOB leaves a job and gets another (which i suspect my ex will be doing soon) then he just can't escape CSA anyway? as long as he has a job, they can get him? 

i'm worried my ex will leave his job and then they will never trace him again? i thought that as long as you have a national insurance number and are on a payroll you can't escape?


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## babycrazy1706

I thought that too but then again, if they used N.I numbers, there wouldn't be the problem of men lying that they don't work or leaving their job to get another job so csa isn't 'onto them' Xx


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## Fraggles

It can take a few months to get an attachment to wages order so if they keep switching jobs they need a new order everytime a job is changed.


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## babycrazy1706

I find it unbelievable that men actually leave their jobs to avoid paying for their childs upbringing!! I know it happens a lot though! Smh! Xx


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## xxsteffyxx

It takes 12 weeks (I think) to get confirmation from HMRC if your ex is working, because they have records... however if they quit before the attachment of earnings gets put on it goes back down to the standard £5 a week because they cannot trace his wages... but as long as the man is working or on benefits they can trace them. If he is working 'cash in hand' or as my ex is 'living off mummy and daddy' then no they cannot trace them, BUT they still get charged £5 every week, regardless of their circumstances. They'll just be back charged. They cannot get out of it.

Luckily my ex lives at home with his mum and dad and regardless of how many times he changes his mobile number, they still have a house number and an address so they'll always be able to trace him.

Although back in September he told my mum he was waiting to hear about a council flat because he mum and dad were kicking him out (yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! sure, right... I believe that!)


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## babycrazy1706

Dick head! Lol.


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## Fraggles

xxsteffyxx said:


> It takes 12 weeks (I think) to get confirmation from HMRC if your ex is working, because they have records... however if they quit before the attachment of earnings gets put on it goes back down to the standard £5 a week because they cannot trace his wages... but as long as the man is working or on benefits they can trace them. If he is working 'cash in hand' or as my ex is 'living off mummy and daddy' then no they cannot trace them, BUT they still get charged £5 every week, regardless of their circumstances. They'll just be back charged. They cannot get out of it.
> 
> Luckily my ex lives at home with his mum and dad and regardless of how many times he changes his mobile number, they still have a house number and an address so they'll always be able to trace him.
> 
> Although back in September he told my mum he was waiting to hear about a council flat because he mum and dad were kicking him out (yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhh!!!! sure, right... I believe that!)


Afraid not if they dont claim benefits and say their income is lower than benefits they pay nil


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## babycrazy1706

yes thats what i was aware of aswell.... no job or benefits then no child maintenance! it sucks!! :(

if that was the case i would think that fob's family should help contribute instead, but obviously they are not obliged to. Xx


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## Dezireey

I just think that they should offer men free vasectomies or encourage vasectomies on the NHS, like a walk in thing! Also, they should go to court or something if they father more than e.g two kids and walk away from them or refuse to pay maintenance and avoid it. In a nutshell, there is not enough done IMHO to prevent these men just walking away because they just 'want to'. 

I was reading on another forum about a heartbreaking story of a woman who had not wanted kids at all and her husband of four years kept pressurising her and threatening to leave her if they didn't start a family. She fell pregnant with twins, it freaked him out and he left her at 8 months pregnant and just disappeared, never to be seen again. Just a postcard to his sister saying he was having a great time with his new life in France with his new girlfriend. Didn't ask about his kids or nothing. When his sister asked him why he left his wife pregnant when he was the one who wanted kids, he said he 'changed his mind and realised that was not the path in life he wanted to take' Go figure! how crazy is that?


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## babycrazy1706

what the hell !!!! crazy!!! poor woman!


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## xxsteffyxx

Poor women... :( 

But at the end of the day, don't look on the negative. I know I have a wonderful gorgeous boy who is my apsolute world and I wouldn't change him (I'd change his father in a heartbeat). We're left with these gorgeous babies that we can bring up on OUR own, the way WE want to and without anyone TELLING us how to raise them.

:)


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## Dezireey

Amen to that! Wouldn't have it any other way now with my gorgeous munchkin


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## belle254

My OH earns about 480 a month and CSA recommended (when I rang them) that he pay 40 a month for his daughter. Once his son arrives in July, it will still be 40 a month, as apparently that's all they can take from his low wages.
Weve been separated a month now and I swear if it wasnt for him back living with mummy again, who gave me the £40 out of her pocket and said she'd take it off him (yeah right), I doubt I'd be seeing any of it. anyone reckon I should ask for a bit more than 40 a month when his newborn son arrives as well in July? He currently doesn't have to pay any rent or food money at his mums. (surprise surprise). xx


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## blamesydney

belle254 said:


> My OH earns about 480 a month and CSA recommended (when I rang them) that he pay 40 a month for his daughter. Once his son arrives in July, it will still be 40 a month, as apparently that's all they can take from his low wages.
> Weve been separated a month now and I swear if it wasnt for him back living with mummy again, who gave me the £40 out of her pocket and said she'd take it off him (yeah right), I doubt I'd be seeing any of it. anyone reckon I should ask for a bit more than 40 a month when his newborn son arrives as well in July? He currently doesn't have to pay any rent or food money at his mums. (surprise surprise). xx

I'm in america, and I'm entitled to $250 with my FOB making minimum wage, and he makes more then that. I only take $100 a month from him, because he has her three days a week, but $100 a month is gone within a week of formula and diapers. I would put my foot down, especially with TWO kids! I can't believe they would only get you 40. That's ridiculous. :nope:


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## babycrazy1706

belle254.....if he's not paying any living costs at his mummys house then he should *definitely* pay more!!!!! i think you should get at least £120 a month for 2 children. not your problem if he earns a low wage, you still have 2 children to feed, clothe and to put a roof over their heads. he will still have £90 a week to himself which is reasonable seeing as he is living for free off his mum anyway!!! stand your ground!!! good luck! let us know. xx


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