# Life after Loss Support Group........All Welcome :)



## babesx3

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## FierceAngel

hi Nat,

Im Leanne im mostly found in the still birth section but fit in here too x

Our baby boy Charlie was fell asleep at 20 weeks a post mortem after his birth showed he had a haemoglgia (sp) of the left liver lobe.. 

apart from his swollen tummy he was perfect in every way - my pics are in the SB section x

im currently 11 weeks pregnant with number 3 and terrified xx


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## babesx3

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## Jox

Hope u dont mind me just popping in to offer congratulations and hugs.

I know the pregnancy thread in sb section got me thru my pregnancy.

Big :hugs: and floaty :kiss:

Xxx


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## iloveblue

Hello :wave: Can i join you? Thanks for starting this Nats. Just what i need at the moment.

We are not officially TTC yet but hopefully will be soon.
I'm Kim.
We lost our baby just over 2 weeks ago at 20 weeks gestation. Waiting for spotting to finish and AF to appear at the moment, and hoping that test results will give us the all-clear to go ahead with TTC. How long did your test/PM results take to come through?
We were told 6-8 wks, but really hoping it will be this year.
We already have two boys aged 4 and 6 so are very lucky.

Congrats again Nats on your pregnancy and congrats to you also Leanne, sorry you both lost your little Charlies, I can completly understand why you are feeling terrified.


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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## Jox

Thank u :hugs: 

Pregnancy had its complications at the end but thanks 2 everyone on bnb and a fantastic care plan leo is here to tell the story.

Xxx


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## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Hello :wave: Can i join you? Thanks for starting this Nats. Just what i need at the moment.
> 
> We are not officially TTC yet but hopefully will be soon.
> I'm Kim.
> We lost our baby just over 2 weeks ago at 20 weeks gestation. Waiting for spotting to finish and AF to appear at the moment, and hoping that test results will give us the all-clear to go ahead with TTC. How long did your test/PM results take to come through?
> We were told 6-8 wks, but really hoping it will be this year.
> We already have two boys aged 4 and 6 so are very lucky.
> 
> Congrats again Nats on your pregnancy and congrats to you also Leanne, sorry you both lost your little Charlies, I can completly understand why you are feeling terrified.

Hi Kim,
You are in the same situation as us. I havent been spotting and had an AF one month and a week after we lost little Maeve.
We were told 8 to 12 weeks, but as it turned out we have been made to wait just over 12.

Haveing our own group is a great idea as I am already stressing and getting upset about TTC.
I had a terible sense of foreboding during my poregnancy with Maeve, and its back already about her future brother or Sister.
xxxx


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## babesx3

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## Lilybelle

Hello! Thank you for making this thread :)
I lost my son at 16 weeks gestation however the hospital found no reason fo his death. we named him Jacob. My period has oficially ended yesterday and we're going to start trying again straight away and see what happens. I'm hoping that I don't go through the same experience next time xxx


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## babesx3

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## Lilybelle

I hope I have a short TTC time aswell. By the sounds of it I'm fairly fertile. It took 2 months of TTC for my daughter and one month of TTC for Jacob. I hoped for a son but after this loss I just want a healthy baby :)


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## Clo

Hi im Claire and I lost my son Frazer at 23 weeks due to partial molar pregnancy with triploidy. Its very rare that babies in a partial molar pregnancy make it past the first few weeks,let alone make it to 2nd tri so im very proud of my little fighter. Its been 8 months since I lost him and i miss him so much every day.

Due to my follow up for the partial molar we werent allowed to TTC for 6 months but we cheated and started TTC in the 6th month and i was lucky and got my bfp straight away.

I am now 12/13 weeks...just waiting for my dating scan on thur to confirm which it is. Xxx


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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## Clo

babesx3 said:


> Clo said:
> 
> 
> Hi im Claire and I lost my son Frazer at 23 weeks due to partial molar pregnancy with triploidy. Its very rare that babies in a partial molar pregnancy make it past the first few weeks,let alone make it to 2nd tri so im very proud of my little fighter. Its been 8 months since I lost him and i miss him so much every day.
> 
> Due to my follow up for the partial molar we werent allowed to TTC for 6 months but we cheated and started TTC in the 6th month and i was lucky and got my bfp straight away.
> 
> I am now 12/13 weeks...just waiting for my dating scan on thur to confirm which it is. Xxx
> 
> :hi: claire
> sorry for your loss of frazier..:hugs:
> 
> and congratulations on your pregnancy:flower:
> how are you feeling about your scan on thurs?
> hope it all goes well... i imagine your dates will be more accurate!!:thumbup:Click to expand...

Aww thanks hun xx im really nervous to be honest. Ive had 3 early scans as i was bleeding on and off for a week when i was about 5 weeks but all looked ok then (but it looked like baby was measuring a week smaller than i thought i was).

Ive bought a doppler too and listening to baby's hb is really reassuring!


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## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hello :wave: Can i join you? Thanks for starting this Nats. Just what i need at the moment.
> 
> We are not officially TTC yet but hopefully will be soon.
> I'm Kim.
> We lost our baby just over 2 weeks ago at 20 weeks gestation. Waiting for spotting to finish and AF to appear at the moment, and hoping that test results will give us the all-clear to go ahead with TTC. How long did your test/PM results take to come through?
> We were told 6-8 wks, but really hoping it will be this year.
> We already have two boys aged 4 and 6 so are very lucky.
> 
> Congrats again Nats on your pregnancy and congrats to you also Leanne, sorry you both lost your little Charlies, I can completly understand why you are feeling terrified.
> 
> :hi:
> Welcome Kim..:friends:
> How are you doing?
> My spotting lasted for ages after charlie..finished about 3 weeks after birth...
> My PM results took about 5-6 weeks to come back... its seemed an eternity and really started to get to me towards the end of that time.. ijust wanted charlie back so we could have our funeral and cremation....
> What have you decided to do? sorry i don't remember if u said but what sex was your baby? did you name him/her?
> 
> Have u decided to wait till after PM results to TTC ?
> Massive hugs Kim, I know what hell u are going thru at the moment... We'll be here for you >>>> :friends:Click to expand...

I'm doing okay thanks - still very much up and down but it is getting easier.
We didn't find out what sex our baby was and we didn't name him/her. It all happened so quickly - I was having pains/contractions for a few days - rang Assessment unit a few times and was told it was normal and take paracetomol. Eventually managed to get an appointment and had scan which revealed baby had no HB - this was at 10am. Took tablet at 12 and baby was born 3 hours later. I'm 99% sure I was already in labour - hence the quickness (sorry, not sure if that is a word!). We were in shock tbh - and didn't have a chance to absorb what was happening, the choices we would need to make etc.

For a few days after the birth I had very intense feelings of guilt and disloyalty as we didn't see or hold our baby - but I'm ok with that now, we did what felt right for us at the time. We have the baby's foot/hand prints at home.
I am pretty sure we will find out if the baby was a boy/girl when we get PM results.

I'm not sure if we will wait for PM/test results before TTC - we will see how we feel when AF has been and gone.

I didn't get any milk in which I was very confused about - did everyone else?

I have started to convince myself that our baby had died a few weeks before we found out- would explain no milk, as hormones had already dropped. And would also explain the lack of movement I felt. 
I was also surprised at how small the babys hand/footprints were - handprint could fit inside my thumbnail. 

I'm still just trying to make sense of everything that happened.


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## iloveblue

Clo said:


> Hi im Claire and I lost my son Frazer at 23 weeks due to partial molar pregnancy with triploidy. Its very rare that babies in a partial molar pregnancy make it past the first few weeks,let alone make it to 2nd tri so im very proud of my little fighter. Its been 8 months since I lost him and i miss him so much every day.
> 
> Due to my follow up for the partial molar we werent allowed to TTC for 6 months but we cheated and started TTC in the 6th month and i was lucky and got my bfp straight away.
> 
> I am now 12/13 weeks...just waiting for my dating scan on thur to confirm which it is. Xxx

Hi Claire
So sorry to hear you lost Frazer. 
Congrats on your pregnancy. :hugs:


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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Lilybelle said:


> Hello! Thank you for making this thread :)
> I lost my son at 16 weeks gestation however the hospital found no reason fo his death. we named him Jacob. My period has oficially ended yesterday and we're going to start trying again straight away and see what happens. I'm hoping that I don't go through the same experience next time xxx

Hi Lilybelle
I'm sorry you lost your son also.
Good luck with the TTC - how long did it take for you to get your first AF?


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## babesx3

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## jenny25

hi girls do you mind if i join? i lost my son jamie @14+3 on 22nd october 2010 this is my 2nd 2nd tri loss i lost my son paul @ 24+3 21 march 2003 i had two early mc last year in march and aug ive stopped bleeding and me and paul have decided to try again we have been bd every 2nd day in the hope to catch the fertile time during after birth im not sure when i will ovulate as i have pcos and im on met for it again so its like starting fresh can anyone else suggest when they ovulated after they stopped spotting ? x


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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Hi jenny25
I'm so sorry for your lossed, I really cannot imagine going through this twice as well as having 2 early miscarriages. I'm so sorry.
Really hope you get lucky this time xx


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## jenny25

thanks hun well im temping to see what happens i roughly had my first af around 19 days after the d&c so i dont know if it will be the same cause it was a birth if you get me im not gonna give up hope or anything lets see how it goes x


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## Jox

Hi, again, hope no one minds me posting :flower: just tell me to bugger off if u like :haha:

Jenny - im sorry for ur loss of paul and jamie :-( after kaspers birth i bled for 7-10days, then conceived leo 26 days after the birth, so never got af. Found out i was 4+3wks pg just 6+ wks after kasper was born.

Good luck to all those ttc :dust: x


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## Suze

Hi...found you!!

I'll write more later I just wanted to get subscribed tonight but I'm ttc after losing my little boy Joe at 17 weeks, he had a chromosomal disorder triploidy. 
I'm about to poas in the morning, due to persuasive babesx3 :rofl: :hugs: I'm not massively hopeful though as I had an ectopic and only have 1 tube and think this could have been a tubeless side month :wacko:


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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## Lilybelle

iloveblue said:


> Lilybelle said:
> 
> 
> Hello! Thank you for making this thread :)
> I lost my son at 16 weeks gestation however the hospital found no reason fo his death. we named him Jacob. My period has oficially ended yesterday and we're going to start trying again straight away and see what happens. I'm hoping that I don't go through the same experience next time xxx
> 
> Hi Lilybelle
> I'm sorry you lost your son also.
> Good luck with the TTC - how long did it take for you to get your first AF?Click to expand...

Thank you :)
It took a month after everything stopped passing :)


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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Got the house to myself this morning which is lovely - doesn't happen very often.
Went to see GP yesterday who has signed me off work for another 2 weeks - will be 4 weeks in total. How long did everyone else have off work?
At the moment I can't see myself going back in 2 weeks - I'm finding it very hard to be around groups of people and stressful situations. I'm only part-time but a teacher so its hard work.

I hope you get some reassurance at docs today Nats - I'm sure everythings okay :hugs:


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## MaevesMummy

Take as much time as you need. I went back too early.
You could try popping in to see your collegues.
You can also ask for a phased return.
I have been thinking of you.
xxxxxx


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## iloveblue

Thanks Maevesmummy - hope you are doing okay xxx


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## ClaireyF

hi all, I don't belong here but wanted to see where one of my best buddies was hanging out (babesx3).having seen every stage she went through broke my heart and little Charlie was gorgeous little boy!
Good luck to all who are pg and ttc, your all a true inspiration and i hope you all have a happy and healthy 9months xxxxx


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## jenny25

hey girls im doing alright been abit up and down parts of it is in my journal so i do appologise if i dont post every day here but feel free to stalk me :) xx


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## iloveblue

How did you get on at the doctors Nats? xx


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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Fab news Nats! I'm glad you got your 2-3 :happydance:

My spotting has stopped now - which is good, although I have been feeling a bit crampy today.
I did a preg test last Friday (exactly 2 wks after we lost baby) to see if hormones had gone down and it was negative - so I'm assuming thats a good sign that my body is getting back to normal.

Had a few sad moments today - it feels like it has only just sunk in that there will be no baby for us in March.

On a more positive note DH and I were chatting earlier about TTC again and he is happy to start asap. He was umming and aahing about it to start with as he thought we should wait till next Summer (and the thought of that was making me a bit panicky).


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## babesx3

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## Suze

I've just signed your petition MaevesMummy...I too had quite a bad experience when I gave birth to my angel son and I'm pleased someone has started a campaign to change things, we're still deliberating a compliant against the hospital - let me know if there's anything more I can do.

Well I got a very very faint line today so everything crossed for a darker one tomorrow!


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## MaevesMummy

Suze said:


> I've just signed your petition MaevesMummy...I too had quite a bad experience when I gave birth to my angel son and I'm pleased someone has started a campaign to change things, we're still deliberating a compliant against the hospital - let me know if there's anything more I can do.
> 
> Well I got a very very faint line today so everything crossed for a darker one tomorrow!

Thank you. I dont realy know whats going on with the hospital, not sure my appointment today was normal and husband doesnt think it was either!
:hugs:
So sorry to hear you had a rough time.
xxxxxxxxxx


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## Imalia

We've finally gotten the courage to ttc again after losing our son at 20 weeks in July. 

I swore I would be causal about it, but I'm currently 4-5dpo and driving myself crazy with the tww, and honestly I'm not sure what result would scare me more. We've been ttc for 13 years and have had two early miscarriages, one ectopic and one 20 week loss, just hoping and praying for a BFP and a sticky bean soon.


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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Congratulations Suze :happydance: Keep us updated!


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## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> Suze said:
> 
> 
> I've just signed your petition MaevesMummy...I too had quite a bad experience when I gave birth to my angel son and I'm pleased someone has started a campaign to change things, we're still deliberating a compliant against the hospital - let me know if there's anything more I can do.
> 
> Well I got a very very faint line today so everything crossed for a darker one tomorrow!
> 
> Thank you. I dont realy know whats going on with the hospital, not sure my appointment today was normal and husband doesnt think it was either!
> :hugs:
> So sorry to hear you had a rough time.
> xxxxxxxxxxClick to expand...

What happened at the appointment Maevesmummy?


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## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> We've finally gotten the courage to ttc again after losing our son at 20 weeks in July.
> 
> I swore I would be causal about it, but I'm currently 4-5dpo and driving myself crazy with the tww, and honestly I'm not sure what result would scare me more. We've been ttc for 13 years and have had two early miscarriages, one ectopic and one 20 week loss, just hoping and praying for a BFP and a sticky bean soon.

Hi Imalia
I'm so sorry for your losses - hoping you get your BFP soon x


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## Imalia

I'm actually for once feeling fairly positive that it won't take us too long this time around. I'm due some good luck lol

Here's hoping we all get our bfp's sooner rather than later.


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## MaevesMummy

:blush:
We were escorted from reception by the head bereavment nurse lady.
She was lovley but still no answers.
She took my bloods in a seperate room. 
Not sure this is normal, and my husband thinks she was choosing her words very carefully.

He suspects they are investigating clinical negligence. i think its just because we complained about our care (I HOPE!) I cant even imagine what will happen to my mental health if my query about the clinical side is taken on as a complaint.
xxxxx:cry:


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## iloveblue

I'm glad the bereavement lady was lovely - why are they taking bloods?


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## Suze

I've still got my faint BFP, I'm hoping the lines get darker but I' actually only 3+5 so I can't expect too much just yet.

Maevesmummy - Do you think they were trying to be over-caring by 'escorting' you but actually over did it and it came across as weird?
I know when we went back to get our results a nurse came and got us from the main hospital reception...I just thought they were trying to be extra professional? By the way I will reply to your PM and tell you what happened to us, it's quite long so I've not got round to it just yet but promise I will :hugs:


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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Cant wait to hear about your lines getting darker Suze :yipee:

Have you got a date for your scan yet Nats?
I can understand completely how nerve-wracking it will be when you go - but hopefully everything will be fine and you will be able to put the bad memories behind you. :hugs:
How are you feeling? Any sickness yet?

I have a bad day yesterday - at home all day on my own just moping really. I felt like I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, see anyone etc - I can't even get excited about Christmas at the moment, which is very unusual for me.
I'm feeling more positive today and got a busier day planned - my mum is paying for me to get my haircut for my birthday. Also, DH has taken a day off work as he was worried about me and is taking me out for a coffee.


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## babesx3

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## xgem27x

Hi ladies, I miscarried in my first pregnancy last year at 17 weeks, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, and still everyday I think about my little one x

A few months later me and OH started TTC again, and I'm now sitting here, a very proud mummy of twin boys! Frazer and Maxxie were born a week before the anniversary of my miscarriage, so I spent the anniversary cuddling my beautiful sons! 

I wish all the best to those of you TTC or pregnant again! Fingers crossed that everything goes well, and that sometime soon in the future you will be proud mummys to your little ones! xxxx :hugs:


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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Sorry for your loss Gem.
Congratulations on the birth of your twin sons - they are gorgeous x


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## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> :hugs:
> Did they not say what the bloods were for?
> maybe they are to check HCG levels? to make sure they go back to 0.
> Did u request a PM?
> I was asked to have extra bloods about 2 weeks after i had charlie to check for a virus they found in my blood.... got me all worried, but it turned out not to be the cause of death, they just look into everything if u request a PM....
> 
> I was treated very gently before and after i had charlie, someone met me and took me where i needed to go... i think you were just be looked after..:hugs:
> 
> Hope u are all well..xxxx
> 
> 
> :flower:CONGRATS :flower: Suze... new bump buddy!! :friends: your lines are looking great:thumbup:
> 
> I'm having big wobbles about going for a scan...
> I just keep thinking about the last time i went for one thinking everything was fine and being told charlie had died.... just makes my tummy churn... I want one cos i know i'll feel better about this pregnancy, it just makes me feel so anxious, the thought of lying on that bed...:wacko:

Thank for that feel much better about it now... It was just a shock after the lack of care we recieved after Maeve's birth.
They are doing loads of Coagulation tests and Lupus tests I think.
Clotting is a well known issue in Lupus pregnancy.

We let them take x ray's and a small biopsy but she was so perfect we refused a full Post mortom.
xxxxxxxxx


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## MaevesMummy

Suze said:


> I've still got my faint BFP, I'm hoping the lines get darker but I' actually only 3+5 so I can't expect too much just yet.
> 
> Maevesmummy - Do you think they were trying to be over-caring by 'escorting' you but actually over did it and it came across as weird?
> I know when we went back to get our results a nurse came and got us from the main hospital reception...I just thought they were trying to be extra professional? By the way I will reply to your PM and tell you what happened to us, it's quite long so I've not got round to it just yet but promise I will :hugs:

:hugs: Congrats on the BFP! 
:happydance:

Yes it looks fairly normal its just we were not sure what to expect as they just forgot about us after the birth...
Dont worry about replying untill you want to. Mine was rather long winded! Waiting for a response, get all results in December.
xxxxxxxx


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## MissMaternal

Hi everyone :hi: Thank you for creating this thread! It's just what we needed :thumbup: My name is Sarah and I am 23 years old. I have had 2 second trimester losses in the last 6 months.

We found out our daughter Freya had died at our routine 20 week scan on 6th May 2010. I had no warning signs-her heart just stopped beating. I had medical management to induce labour and she was born on 9th May 2010, at 20+3. No reason was found for her death. She was so beautiful xx

Our second loss happened recently, on 6th November. I started bleeding at 17+4, and went to hospital for a scan. No heartbeat was found, and doctors said it looked like the baby died a few weeks ago as it was measuring small. Again we opted for medical management to speed up the process but baby passed at home on 9th November (on Freya's 6 month anniversary.)

I am still bleeding at the moment, but we hope to TTC ASAP. It would seem i am quite fertile, as it only took 1 cycle to get pregnant with Freya, and 2 cycles with the second baby. Second Tri loss appears to be so much more common than i could ever have imagined before it happened to me, and i hate that we all have to go through this. But i'm pleased that we are all here to give each other support :flower:xx


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## MissMaternal

Double post!


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## iloveblue

Hi MissMaternal :hi:
I'm so sorry for your losses - can't imagine how it must feel to go through this twice. You sound very positive and brave. I am sure it is going to be third time lucky for you.:hugs:

Are you going to wait for your first AF before you start TTC?

We lost our baby 3 weeks ago today (also at 20+3) - I've stopped spotting, am just waiting for AF to arrive, but am very impatient!!


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## Imalia

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this twice, I couldn't even imagine it, I only just made it through once with my body and soul still mostly intact.

I'm currently waiting to test, but I have a gut feeling it's not our month this month.


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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> It feels kinda odd telling people i'm pregnant again....
> I don;t want to keep it a secret as with my first 3 kids i told people straight away i was so excited, but with my last pregnancy i decided not to tell people till after the dating scan. i was a little embarrassed at being PG and worried what people would say... I was really happy and wanted our baby... anyway we all know what happened to my baby charlie...:cry:
> So this time i don't want o hide or be ashamed that i'm pregnant .. i want to tell everyone,, be loud and proud.... but it feels disrespectful to charlie too:shrug:... but i feel i need to tell as i want this pregnany to be different to charlies so the same thing doesn't happen..:shrug: IYKWIM?? i know its nothing i did that killed charlie its just i keep trying to do things different.. like we went camping the weekend before i found out he'd died.. i've told dh i won't go next year..just in case.....
> i guess i'm just worried about this pg...
> sorry for rambling i prob don't make any sense...:dohh:

:hugs:
I dont know what to say, it must be difficult. You do what you want to do. Nothing you did caused any of the problems.:hugs: 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Imalia

babesx3 said:


> :dust::dust::dust:
> GOT my FX for a BFP for u!!!:hugs:
> When are you going to test?

Probably next weekend, if I can hold out that long. I don't think I'm actually going to be too disappointed if it's not this month, but the waiting and not knowing is driving me nuts. I wish someone would come up with a way to eliminate the tww, I consider it cruel and unusual punishment lol.


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## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> It feels kinda odd telling people i'm pregnant again....
> I don;t want to keep it a secret as with my first 3 kids i told people straight away i was so excited, but with my last pregnancy i decided not to tell people till after the dating scan. i was a little embarrassed at being PG and worried what people would say... I was really happy and wanted our baby... anyway we all know what happened to my baby charlie...:cry:
> So this time i don't want o hide or be ashamed that i'm pregnant .. i want to tell everyone,, be loud and proud.... but it feels disrespectful to charlie too:shrug:... but i feel i need to tell as i want this pregnany to be different to charlies so the same thing doesn't happen..:shrug: IYKWIM?? i know its nothing i did that killed charlie its just i keep trying to do things different.. like we went camping the weekend before i found out he'd died.. i've told dh i won't go next year..just in case.....
> i guess i'm just worried about this pg...
> sorry for rambling i prob don't make any sense...:dohh:

I can understand how you feel Nats. And how you feel disrespectful to Charlie.
We did it the other way round really - and told everyone quite early with my most recent pregnancy. Looking back, I think I was quite complacent as it was my third and had no problems with first two. It wouldn't have made any difference anyway as either way we would have told people after 12 wk scan - and everything was fine at that point.
If i had my way this time I we wouldn't tell anyone till 20 wks!!!! But judging by my bump last time it would be pretty obvious a long time before that.
And actually thinking about it if I did get pregnant again and something happened before 20 weeks I would want people to know about it, cause obviously we would be in a bit of a state. 
I'm hoping it will become obvious what to do when we get there.
Don't know if this makes sense........


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## babesx3

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## babesx3

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## Imalia

babesx3 said:


> wow u have more will power than me if u can wait till next weekend!!!:wacko:
> 
> good luck!!! :friends:

It's not just willpower, although that plays a part in it. I just don't like testing before AF is due at least, too much chance of a false negative that will just drive me more crazy than waiting will.:wacko:


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## MissMaternal

iloveblue said:


> Hi MissMaternal :hi:
> I'm so sorry for your losses - can't imagine how it must feel to go through this twice. You sound very positive and brave. I am sure it is going to be third time lucky for you.:hugs:
> 
> Are you going to wait for your first AF before you start TTC?
> 
> We lost our baby 3 weeks ago today (also at 20+3) - I've stopped spotting, am just waiting for AF to arrive, but am very impatient!!

Thank you. I feel a lot more positive this time around, definitely. I really do hope it will be third time lucky!! We probably won't wait. I'll see how i feel though, because last time we :sex: 2 weeks after we lost Freya, and that was clearly too soon seeing as i started bawling my eyes out afterwards...:haha: I'm so sorry for your loss... :hugs: Have you TTC already or are you waiting until after AF? xx



Imalia said:


> I'm so sorry you have had to go through this twice, I couldn't even imagine it, I only just made it through once with my body and soul still mostly intact.
> 
> I'm currently waiting to test, but I have a gut feeling it's not our month this month.

One of the things i have learnt through the last 6 months is that it's true, time really is a healer, even if it sounds a little cliche. Each day gets easier, and i know that just how i slowly recovered from losing Freya, i will do the same again with this loss. A loss takes away a small piece of us with it when the baby dies, but you will start to feel stronger if you aren't already, i promise. I will be praying for a :bfp: for you ....:flower: xx



babesx3 said:


> Its too awful to contemplate losing a second baby..:cry: my heart goes out to u!!! it is a very real fear i have about this pregnancy , that it could happen again...
> Have u had an indication of why this has happened again?
> Massive :hugs: for you!!
> 
> Fx u get pregnant again quickly, are you waiting for a cycle or just going for it?:hugs:

Thank you hun...i had that same fear with this pregnancy, and unfortunately the same did happen. But i think that ANYONE who has had a loss will be apprehensive about future pregnancies, it's only natural. We just have to try and think positive, no matter how hard that may be :hugs: 
We won't find out why this has happened...this baby only measured 11 weeks even though i was 17 weeks, so it's too small to require testing. They found nothing wrong with Freya though when they tested on her. Am going to see how it goes with TTC..just going to go with the flow so to speak.. xx


----------



## Imalia

MissMaternal said:


> We won't find out why this has happened...this baby only measured 11 weeks even though i was 17 weeks, so it's too small to require testing. They found nothing wrong with Freya though when they tested on her.

I think was my biggest fear when we lost our son, that there would be no reason, and therefore nothing to fix for next time. We got half a reason I guess, a reason, but no reason for the reason, iykwim. Our problem was intrauterine growth restriction caused by a circumvellate placenta and hypercoiled umbilical cord, but those are just random things on their own and there's not really anything that can be done to prevent them, though they're not likely to happen again. 

I think that either if there had been nothing wrong, or we already had other children I would have quit there and then, and not faced being pregnant again, but after 13 years of trying I'm just way too stubborn to admit the world has beaten me on this yet.


----------



## babesx3

edit


----------



## babesx3

edit


----------



## MissMaternal

Imalia said:


> MissMaternal said:
> 
> 
> We won't find out why this has happened...this baby only measured 11 weeks even though i was 17 weeks, so it's too small to require testing. They found nothing wrong with Freya though when they tested on her.
> 
> I think was my biggest fear when we lost our son, that there would be no reason, and therefore nothing to fix for next time. We got half a reason I guess, a reason, but no reason for the reason, iykwim. Our problem was intrauterine growth restriction caused by a circumvellate placenta and hypercoiled umbilical cord, but those are just random things on their own and there's not really anything that can be done to prevent them, though they're not likely to happen again.
> 
> I think that either if there had been nothing wrong, or we already had other children I would have quit there and then, and not faced being pregnant again, but after 13 years of trying I'm just way too stubborn to admit the world has beaten me on this yet.Click to expand...

13 years oh my gosh....i cannot even imagine how that feels. I truly hope your day comes soon to be a mummy xx
It is reassuring in a way to know that problems were found in your pregnancy that are "random" and unlikely to happen again. I had so many people tell me this time "This time you'll be fine, you would have to be very unlucky to have another late loss"....and here i am. So i understand that "random" occurrences don't make things any easier. xx


----------



## iloveblue

Hi everyone
How are you all doing?
I'm okay - still a bit up and down. 
Seeing my GP tomorrow as due to go back to work on Tuesday and don't feel ready.


----------



## Imalia

Well it's looking like another no month for me. Despite my insistance I was going to wait until the weekend, yesterday (11DPO) FRER was bfn, today (12DPO) EPT 10mui was also bfn. AF isn't due until Friday, but at this stage I would expect one of the sensitive tests to be showing bfp if it were so.

I kind of had a gut feeling this wasn't my month anyway, but I'm still devestated. I can't go through this much more. 13 years ttc and four pregnancies that have all ended in a loss of one kind or another, an average of four years ttc each time and it never lasts, and I am sick of seeing everyone else who wants it get pregnant within a few months of trying and no matter what I do, I can't win.


----------



## MissMaternal

iloveblue said:


> Hi everyone
> How are you all doing?
> I'm okay - still a bit up and down.
> Seeing my GP tomorrow as due to go back to work on Tuesday and don't feel ready.

Glad to hear you are doing ok. I am doing ok too, i'm not taking this loss anywhere near as hard as i did when i lost Freya. I think i took it harder with her because i was slightly further along (20 weeks like you) and because we knew the sex, which creates an extra bond i think. This time, we don't know what the sex was, and i had a bit of forewarning that things were wrong when i started bleeding. It was more of a shock with Freya because we went happily along to the 20 week scan, all excited, and boom.."no heartbeat." No warning at all. I still feel sick when i relive that moment in my head. 

As for work, i would only say please please do not go back before you're ready :hugs: You're doing the right thing by seeing your GP if you're not ready to go back. I had 4 weeks off when i lost Freya, and it will probably be the same this time because i'll have 3 weeks off followed by a week of holiday. I think i probably could face some people, but i work with someone with a due date 2 days before mine so that's what is holding me back at the moment.

Sorry girls i'm rambling! :haha:

Imalia hun i really have no words for you :nope: I truly can't begin to imagine what it feels like for you, and how disheartening it must be. Remember we are here for you if you need to offload. I never got a BFP with Freya until the day AF was due, and with my recent pregnancy i didn't get one until i was 3 days late. I really hope this is your month, but if not, we will support you towards getting one next month :hugs:
xx


----------



## momatobe

I lost my baby boy at a similar time the year before though. I really never got over it. I don't like getting into what happened. That's actually the first time I've said it. I've been ttc since the time I could. I don't know. Hoping this time I'm actually preggo but I'm not like at all pregnant as far as weeks go. But it's funny the lmp so far I'm four weeks lol. not really tho.


----------



## Imalia

We were ntnp from as soon as we could, only really started trying this cycle. I'm starting to think it would just be easier on me and everyone around me if I just gave up and called it a day. Sometimes it feels like the sooner I accept I'm never going to be a mummy, the better off I'll be.


----------



## momatobe

Imalia said:


> We were ntnp from as soon as we could, only really started trying this cycle. I'm starting to think it would just be easier on me and everyone around me if I just gave up and called it a day. Sometimes it feels like the sooner I accept I'm never going to be a mummy, the better off I'll be.

You're still a mom. Just because your baby's in heaven doesn't make you any less of a mom.


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> We were ntnp from as soon as we could, only really started trying this cycle. I'm starting to think it would just be easier on me and everyone around me if I just gave up and called it a day. Sometimes it feels like the sooner I accept I'm never going to be a mummy, the better off I'll be.

Dont give up Imalia. :flower:
I can't remember if you said - have you had any testing to try and ascertain why this keeps happening?


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Imalia said:
> 
> 
> We were ntnp from as soon as we could, only really started trying this cycle. I'm starting to think it would just be easier on me and everyone around me if I just gave up and called it a day. Sometimes it feels like the sooner I accept I'm never going to be a mummy, the better off I'll be.
> 
> Dont give up Imalia. :flower:
> I can't remember if you said - have you had any testing to try and ascertain why this keeps happening?Click to expand...

:hugs: 
iloveblue has a good point Its important in case you have a clotting disorder. 
I cant even begin to imagine what you have been through :hugs:xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Imalia

Yeah we've had testing, and after we lost our son in July they did a full pm and investigations. Apparently I'm just really unlucky. If there's a random chance of something going wrong, it will for me. There's no reason it should be so hard for me to get pregnant, and there's no reason I should keep losing my babies either. I just seem destined to always be in that small percent who crap out on the odds. It's the story of my life. There could be 100 tickets in a raffle, I'll buy 99 and still not win.


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Yeah we've had testing, and after we lost our son in July they did a full pm and investigations. Apparently I'm just really unlucky. If there's a random chance of something going wrong, it will for me. There's no reason it should be so hard for me to get pregnant, and there's no reason I should keep losing my babies either. I just seem destined to always be in that small percent who crap out on the odds. It's the story of my life. There could be 100 tickets in a raffle, I'll buy 99 and still not win.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this Imalia - it must be extremely hard, especially when there are no answers.
But please don't give up hope - your luck has got to change soon :hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Imalia said:
> 
> 
> Yeah we've had testing, and after we lost our son in July they did a full pm and investigations. Apparently I'm just really unlucky. If there's a random chance of something going wrong, it will for me. There's no reason it should be so hard for me to get pregnant, and there's no reason I should keep losing my babies either. I just seem destined to always be in that small percent who crap out on the odds. It's the story of my life. There could be 100 tickets in a raffle, I'll buy 99 and still not win.
> 
> I'm sorry you're having to go through this Imalia - it must be extremely hard, especially when there are no answers.
> But please don't give up hope - your luck has got to change soon :hugs:Click to expand...

:hugs: II am keeping everything crossed for you. You have been through so much, but keeping a positive hope counts .
Thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

:shrug:
How long did it take your cycles to get back to normal afterwards. I had one AF, due on again yesterday, not even a flipping sign of it yet?! 
I want it back to normal so we can start TTC :cry:
I was regular before. 

xxxxxxx


----------



## Imalia

Mine went back to normal fairly quickly. I bled for around 4 weeks after delivering my son, then got my first AF two weeks later and have been a consistant 28 days since then.

13DPO and still BFN on FRER today.


----------



## MaevesMummy

:nope:
Still nothing I have a bad feeling that there is something not right. I have an appointment on 2nd of December so was going to start trying that week (I would have been ovulating then) but this sucks.
:growlmad:
I laid awake last night worrying what if I never have another one again...


----------



## iloveblue

Have you taken a test Maevesmummy??? Is there anyway you could possibly be pregnant?


----------



## MaevesMummy

:shrug:
I dont think so we didnt do anything at the right time, I realised being pregnant again as quickly as possible wasnt going to make things easier just at the time when i would have ovulated. 
I dont have any symproms either, last time as soon as I i was pregnant I just knew as my chest was so sore! 
I guess it takes time for your body to get back to normal...
Will do a test if it hasnt arrived tommorow though to be sure.
xxxxxxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> :shrug:
> I dont think so we didnt do anything at the right time, I realised being pregnant again as quickly as possible wasnt going to make things easier just at the time when i would have ovulated.
> I dont have any symproms either, last time as soon as I i was pregnant I just knew as my chest was so sore!
> I guess it takes time for your body to get back to normal...
> Will do a test if it hasnt arrived tommorow though to be sure.
> xxxxxxxxx

Keep us updated


----------



## Imalia

Well, 14dpo for me and FRER is still negative but af hasn't shown up yet. She's usually more punctual than this.


----------



## OlderMommy

I began posting here last February when i lost my twins at 17 weeks... It was an awful, awful time. 
Well, I am now 31 weeks pregnant. I am scared to death. My ob says all is fine but, you know, that safe feeling is gone. You now KNOW first hand all the things that can go wrong and how quickly it can all be over that you just cant feel safe until your healthy baby is in your arms.


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Well, 14dpo for me and FRER is still negative but af hasn't shown up yet. She's usually more punctual than this.

Fingers crossed for you Imalia :p - what does FRER mean by the way?


----------



## iloveblue

OlderMommy said:


> I began posting here last February when i lost my twins at 17 weeks... It was an awful, awful time.
> Well, I am now 31 weeks pregnant. I am scared to death. My ob says all is fine but, you know, that safe feeling is gone. You now KNOW first hand all the things that can go wrong and how quickly it can all be over that you just cant feel safe until your healthy baby is in your arms.

So sorry you lost your twins Oldermommy - did you ever find out why?

Congratulations on your pregnancy - I can understand the fear. I expect we will all feel the same when we get there.
But you are nearly there - only 9 weeks to go!! And you are past the stage at which you lost your twins. :hugs:


----------



## MissMaternal

OlderMommy said:


> I began posting here last February when i lost my twins at 17 weeks... It was an awful, awful time.
> Well, I am now 31 weeks pregnant. I am scared to death. My ob says all is fine but, you know, that safe feeling is gone. You now KNOW first hand all the things that can go wrong and how quickly it can all be over that you just cant feel safe until your healthy baby is in your arms.

So sorry for the loss of your twins...:hugs: But congratulations on this pregnancy! Although you're right, the "innocence" of pregnancy certainly disappears after suffering a loss. I wish you the best of luck for the remaining 9 weeks! Do you know the sex? 

Imalia i will have my fingers crossed for you!

Maevesmummy, my AF did come back regular...but it's very normal for them to be a bit out after a loss :hugs: 

xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

:cry:
Still nothing but neg test.
:shrug:
Dont even feel like its on the way.
Double blow my notes turned up today and there is loads of wrong in them. Basically clotting did cause my daughters death, they accidently left the PM in them. They shouldnt have done this :growlmad:
I wasnt suposed to see them untill we had our appointment.
xxxx


----------



## Imalia

15dpo now and still bfn, and no af either. starting to wonder if I got something wrong.

FRER = First Response Eary Result.


----------



## babesx3

.


----------



## babesx3

.


----------



## jenny25

hey girls just popping in :) my af is either due friday or sat more so sat i think , stupid me tested this morning think i still suffer from line eye so just gonna exclude it cause i thought i seen a shadow anyway i will test tomorrow as i have 3 frer tests left so i will test tomorrow wed and friday more than likely im out this month really not feeling it plus i have not had my first af yet xx


----------



## OlderMommy

> So sorry for the loss of your twins...:hugs: But congratulations on this pregnancy! Although you're right, the "innocence" of pregnancy certainly disappears after suffering a loss. I wish you the best of luck for the remaining 9 weeks! Do you know the sex?
> 
> Imalia i will have my fingers crossed for you!
> 
> Maevesmummy, my AF did come back regular...but it's very normal for them to be a bit out after a loss :hugs:
> 
> xx

Thanks for the congrats! It will be a girl again which makes my 9 year old very happy. 

We chose not to find out exactly what went wrong with the twins. My ob talked with me about how they looked upon being born and the twin who lost her water first looked to have something chromosomally wrong. I'm sort of glad they got to go together, though at the time I felt very robbed. I'm glad they never had to be separated.


----------



## iloveblue

jenny25 said:


> hey girls just popping in :) my af is either due friday or sat more so sat i think , stupid me tested this morning think i still suffer from line eye so just gonna exclude it cause i thought i seen a shadow anyway i will test tomorrow as i have 3 frer tests left so i will test tomorrow wed and friday more than likely im out this month really not feeling it plus i have not had my first af yet xx

Ooooh fingers crossed for you Jenny. x
I lost my baby the same day that you lost Jamie and still no AF for me yet, although been feeling a bit crampy last few days. We've only DTD once so would be very surprised if I was pregnant so quickly!!


----------



## Imalia

Well I'm just officially confused.

I should be 16dop now, according to opk's I ovulated Friday the fifth, or possibly Saturday the sixth, but still no af and nothing but bfn's. all I can about put it down to right now is I didn't ovulate when I thought and therefore probably just missed my chance and af will show up sometime when she's good and ready *sigh*


----------



## MaevesMummy

:hugs:
Fingers crossed for you.
I havent had Af yet either it was due last wed. now Monday nothing. Tested sat and was negative. My cycles gone doolaly again I bet. I had this problem before but it settled after several years of problems last december.
:cry:
xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Imalia

Well that solves that mystery, back to cycle day 1 for me.


----------



## MaevesMummy

:cry:
I am so sorry. 
Fingers toes legs and arms crossed for you this month. Lots of love & best wishes
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Well that solves that mystery, back to cycle day 1 for me.

So sorry Imalia - definitely got everything crossed for you for like Maevesmummy for next month.

I got a BFN today - didn't really think it would be positive but was curious as to what was going on, as still a bit crampy and no AF. Its just over 4 weeks since I lost my baby - so AF should be hear soon I hope.


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> :hugs:
> Fingers crossed for you.
> I havent had Af yet either it was due last wed. now Monday nothing. Tested sat and was negative. My cycles gone doolaly again I bet. I had this problem before but it settled after several years of problems last december.
> :cry:
> xxxxxxxxx

Are you going to do another test Maevesmummy? 
How long after losing Maeve did you get your first AF?


----------



## MaevesMummy

35 days after the birth, but exactly 23 days after the end of the bleeding.

I dont know might test tommorow just to make sure, imagine its just going to be a long wait. Worried in case i never have one again.
x


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Well that solves that mystery, back to cycle day 1 for me.

Same here came on yesterday, painful emotionally and physical.
:hugs:


----------



## babesx3

.


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> :friends:
> hopefully it will be the last one for a while!!!
> 
> I read somewhere that its best to wait 3 months before TTC..which i didn't:blush:, but i found it helpful to think that if i didn't get PG straight away then it was my bodys way of telling me it wasn't ready yet to get pregnant..:hugs:
> 
> I do wonder if i should of waited longer to get PG , cos i feel so guilty being PG..:cry: i keep looking at my charlies things and wishing it was still him inside...:cry: my heads messed up atm about how i feel towards being PG and towards charlie... keep thinking i should be 30 weeks pg and not 7...:cry:
> 
> I have my first scan on monday.... i'm so scared of lying back on that scan bed..such awful memories...:cry:
> part of me doesn't want a scan, cos i don't want to be told bad news again... but then i need the scan to accept i'm pregnant again....
> hard to explain.... just really upset:cry:
> trying to occupy my mind selling stuff on ebay.. the distraction is good:thumbup:

Sorry you're feeling down Nats - whether you were pregnant now or in a years time, I think you would always be having these thoughts. Just remember that it is Charlie's little brother/sister in there now and you will always have that connection with him.
Good luck for scan on Monday - keep us updated xx
(Good luck with the ebay selling too!!)

Still no AF for me :growlmad: - its driving me mad as I've had crampyness/sore boobs etc for ages now but it doesn't lead to anything. Its been 33 days so should be here anyday now.


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> Imalia said:
> 
> 
> Well that solves that mystery, back to cycle day 1 for me.
> 
> Same here came on yesterday, painful emotionally and physical.
> :hugs:Click to expand...

Sorry its not your month this month too Maevemummy. Fingers crossed for next month :hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

:hugs:
Thanks ilove blue, it prob a good thing as I had a bad infection in my womb but they never gave me antibiotics need to get it checked first before we TTC.
Strep B got in because of PPROM. :cry:
xxxxxx


----------



## jenny25

well i know im out been getting af cramps really bad since yesterday :bfn: but no witch yet so i think she will show either tonight or tomorrow i just wish it would hurry up y doc is doing blood tests for cd1-5 and cd21 but im not your typical cd21 so i wont be 7dpo on that cd i want her too show its bugging me cause i can only do blood tests on monday wed or friday so it really needs too hurry x


----------



## Giftmum

Hi ladies,
I wonder what is wrong wit me , i conceived 3months after our wedding at 19wks it was discovered thru scan that my baby was abnormal i was induced . But the problem now is more than one year i have not conceived. 
I'm So confuse.


----------



## MaevesMummy

Giftmum said:


> Hi ladies,
> I wonder what is wrong wit me , i conceived 3months after our wedding at 19wks it was discovered thru scan that my baby was abnormal i was induced . But the problem now is more than one year i have not conceived.
> I'm So confuse.

:hugs:
Have you been to see your GP, or used ovulation testing. I am so sorry for your loss.
I have heard your cycle can change after child birth.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
xxxx


----------



## babesx3

.


----------



## Giftmum

Yea i have seen my gp, i have done pelvic scan nothing was seen even my ov was tracked , i ovulate someone should tell me what to do next cos my gp is not helping, he is always telling me that it must happen.


----------



## iloveblue

Giftmum said:


> Hi ladies,
> I wonder what is wrong wit me , i conceived 3months after our wedding at 19wks it was discovered thru scan that my baby was abnormal i was induced . But the problem now is more than one year i have not conceived.
> I'm So confuse.

Hi Giftmum - no advice really, just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss x


----------



## iloveblue

Hello everyone

I've been feeling a bit down and tearful for the past few days.
I'm back at work on Tuesday so might be due to that, as I am a bit anxious about it.
I still havn't got AF so hoping it might be PMT.
Hoping everyone else is okay xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

:hugs:
I feltlike that for a few days before AF.
Walking into work will be very hard but it gets easier, and I found the routine a comfort in a way xxxxxx:hugs::hugs:


----------



## babesx3

.


----------



## MaevesMummy

:hugs:
Yes its very imortan to go with the flow. I ad to ve a sick day this week it all got too much. I didnt get dressed and sat and cried all day. 
I hope that it goes well, it will be hard, but as I said I found it a comfort to regain some normality when I felt at home my life was falling apart.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hello everyone
> 
> I've been feeling a bit down and tearful for the past few days.
> I'm back at work on Tuesday so might be due to that, as I am a bit anxious about it.
> I still havn't got AF so hoping it might be PMT.
> Hoping everyone else is okay xxx
> 
> :hugs: Its a big thing going back to work and 'normality' feels like u have to move on..:hugs: u are bound to have tearful days still. i do to.. we never really move on... we just have to learn to live with our losses...
> 
> May be PMT too.. have u done a hpt lately just to check?
> 
> Good luck for tuesday..:hugs: have a good cry though too!!!:hugs:Click to expand...

I've done several hpt's - have banned myself as was starting to get a bit obsessed. We've only DTD once since we lost our baby so would be very suprised if i got a BFP - although I know it is possible.


----------



## Esperanzada

On July 20th, I had to deliver my baby boy @ 16 weeks...there were so many unexplained things happening throughout the pregnancy, but the baby was always healthy and growing at each visit and scan. Finally out of my 1st trimester and happy to be coming out of the danger zone and nauseous phase, not able to keep anything down, I felt a gush one night and went to the bathroom...the next morning I went for my ultrasound...to my husband & I's dismay, I had no fluid left, my water had broken. My baby was still alive though, heart beating strong...
They wanted to immediately sent me to the hospital for a D&C, but chose not to as my baby was still alive inside of me...we had hope that somehow the sac could heal, or if in the worst case scenario, we would allow the loss to come naturally... I went home over the weekend and on Monday morning, I felt something come out of me, it was the baby's cord. I immediately went to the hospital and found that there was no longer a heartbeat. They began to induce my labor. I had to go through the whole process of delivering my baby boy...
Nothing can describe the pain of this experience...although I was supposed to be completely numb from medication, I felt my little baby come out...I felt him and wanted so much to hold him, but could not and did not dare look at him...dont know if I couldve dealt with that...the doctors told me that although these things happen, that it is somewhat rare for the water to burst @ 16 weeks, with no visible signs of cervical distress or infection....my cervix was fine, no infection, all my tests were perfect...
Please, we are considering trying again, but has anyone experienced anything like this before with their water breaking @ 16 weeks or so, with the baby still alive with strong heartbeat? I still just cant wrap my mind or my heart around this..... also, I have had 2 other successful pregnancies with no complications....I have a daughter and a son....but my baby boy that I have loss...this devastates me, can anyone who has gone through anything like this with their water breaking in the 2nd trimester with their baby still alivethen having to deliver a mc baby....please respond! Looking for closure.....


----------



## babesx3

.


----------



## babesx3

[


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hello everyone
> 
> I've been feeling a bit down and tearful for the past few days.
> I'm back at work on Tuesday so might be due to that, as I am a bit anxious about it.
> I still havn't got AF so hoping it might be PMT.
> Hoping everyone else is okay xxx
> 
> :hugs: Its a big thing going back to work and 'normality' feels like u have to move on..:hugs: u are bound to have tearful days still. i do to.. we never really move on... we just have to learn to live with our losses...
> 
> May be PMT too.. have u done a hpt lately just to check?
> 
> Good luck for tuesday..:hugs: have a good cry though too!!!:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> I've done several hpt's - have banned myself as was starting to get a bit obsessed. We've only DTD once since we lost our baby so would be very suprised if i got a BFP - although I know it is possible.Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs:is it over 2 weeks since u last bd?
> may just be your body taking its time to normalise:shrug: how long is it since you stopped bleeding???
> hope AF comes soon and gets u back on track:hugs:Click to expand...

Its not quite 2 weeks since we bd (that does mean have sex doesn't it:blush:) - will be 2 weeks tomorrow.
I bled for about 2.5 weeks so its about 19 days since I stopped bleeding.
I thought it might come this morning - felt a bit crampy but nothing yet. Am going to try and forget about it.
Am thinking of seeing GP tomorrow to postpone going back to work - I just feel so rubbish at the moment.
We've also got the memorial service at the hospital chapel on Wednesday - so think thats going to stir things up even more.
Its a monthly service to remember all the babies that have died there during the preceding month - I think they read out all the babies names.


----------



## iloveblue

Esperanzada said:


> On July 20th, I had to deliver my baby boy @ 16 weeks...there were so many unexplained things happening throughout the pregnancy, but the baby was always healthy and growing at each visit and scan. Finally out of my 1st trimester and happy to be coming out of the danger zone and nauseous phase, not able to keep anything down, I felt a gush one night and went to the bathroom...the next morning I went for my ultrasound...to my husband & I's dismay, I had no fluid left, my water had broken. My baby was still alive though, heart beating strong...
> They wanted to immediately sent me to the hospital for a D&C, but chose not to as my baby was still alive inside of me...we had hope that somehow the sac could heal, or if in the worst case scenario, we would allow the loss to come naturally... I went home over the weekend and on Monday morning, I felt something come out of me, it was the baby's cord. I immediately went to the hospital and found that there was no longer a heartbeat. They began to induce my labor. I had to go through the whole process of delivering my baby boy...
> Nothing can describe the pain of this experience...although I was supposed to be completely numb from medication, I felt my little baby come out...I felt him and wanted so much to hold him, but could not and did not dare look at him...dont know if I couldve dealt with that...the doctors told me that although these things happen, that it is somewhat rare for the water to burst @ 16 weeks, with no visible signs of cervical distress or infection....my cervix was fine, no infection, all my tests were perfect...
> Please, we are considering trying again, but has anyone experienced anything like this before with their water breaking @ 16 weeks or so, with the baby still alive with strong heartbeat? I still just cant wrap my mind or my heart around this..... also, I have had 2 other successful pregnancies with no complications....I have a daughter and a son....but my baby boy that I have loss...this devastates me, can anyone who has gone through anything like this with their water breaking in the 2nd trimester with their baby still alivethen having to deliver a mc baby....please respond! Looking for closure.....

My experience was different to yours but I wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss and I know how you are feeling.:hugs:


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## babesx3

.


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## iloveblue

AF is here so I'm happy :happydance:
I never thought I would be so pleased to see it.
First day of a new cycle feels good. It also explains why I've been feeling so emotional recently.


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## babesx3

[:


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## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> AF is here so I'm happy :happydance:
> I never thought I would be so pleased to see it.
> First day of a new cycle feels good. It also explains why I've been feeling so emotional recently.
> 
> :friends: thats good :thumbup:
> new cycle and hopefully a xmas bfp!!:thumbup:Click to expand...

Good to hear it iloveblue

:happydance: Great, its the start of your body's recovery. :hugs:

And keeping fingers crossed you get christmas BFP as well as babesx.:hugs:
Lots of love
xxxx


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## Imalia

I'm feeling kind of blue and hopeless today. Tomorrow is my due date and when we lost our baby I had hoped to be pregnant again by now and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with it all.

I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to get my happy ending, at this rate I'm doubting ever getting a bfp again and I'm so hurt and angry at the world for being so unfair.


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## babesx3

[


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## Giftmum

Imalia said:


> I'm feeling kind of blue and hopeless today. Tomorrow is my due date and when we lost our baby I had hoped to be pregnant again by now and I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with it all.
> 
> I'm starting to feel like I'm never going to get my happy ending, at this rate I'm doubting ever getting a bfp again and I'm so hurt and angry at the world for being so unfair.

Just like me, when i lost my 19wks old preg. 13 months ago i thought by now i will be carrying another baby but its not like that, sometimes i feel like given up but i believe that i will get my BFP soon so be positive cos you will get yours too.


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## MaevesMummy

Now waiting.....
Just been told by consultant we might not want to TTC untill I have had my second blood test in March, unfortunatly its too late this month! Hopefully it will happen for us now, otherwise if we TTC jan and Feb I will be wracked with guilt.
She just said if I happen to find myself Pregnant before then I must get in contact straight away to start Treatment. Asprin I guess and poss Heparin injections. Fingers crossed for everyone TTC it will be our month. 
:hugs:


xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## iloveblue

Got fingers crossed for you Maevesmummy - and everyone else too (including myself).
My next AF is due on Christmas day - so trying not to get too worked up about it as don't want to have a grotty day if AF appears.


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Got fingers crossed for you Maevesmummy - and everyone else too (including myself).
> My next AF is due on Christmas day - so trying not to get too worked up about it as don't want to have a grotty day if AF appears.

Mines due 21st so fingers crossed we both get a christmas present from our little angels :hugs: If we dont then i guess for me it will be Maeve's way of telling me she isnt ready for a brother or sister. 
I will be keeping everything crossed for everyone TTC on here. 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## hayley x

Just seen this new group so wanted to leave you all some :hugs: on your rollercoasters :hugs: x


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## iloveblue

Hello everyone
I havn't been on here much recently - started back at work and been trying to take a break from the laptop.
Just wanted to say Merry Christmas to you all in advance - I'm sure we're all going to be pretty busy this week.
I hope the day is as enjoyable as it can be in the circumstances. :hugs:

How are you doing Maevesmummy? Isn't your AF due soon?


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## MaevesMummy

Tommorow! Typical just in time to make me even more grinch like than I already am!

I hope you have a peacefull Christmas too, just take some time for yourself and allow yourself to feel. 

I dont know what to do should by some miricle I get a BFP, I dont know if I will tell anyone or If I will keep it realy quiet. I suspect the fear will be all over my face.
I dont feel like I did with Maeve though so suspect AF will turn up at some point. 

Lots of love and best wishes to everyone on here xxxxxxxxxxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: and love to the little angel's too :kiss:


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## bert1e

hi i also lost my son back in febuary of this year, after going for my 20 week scan and finding no heartbeat...after 6 hours labour he was born!!! i am now pregnant again and im 18 weeks pregnant and basicall sh***ting myself i have my 20 week scan on 6 jan and praying this bean is ok :o( xxxx


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## babesx3

:


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## MaevesMummy

bert1e said:


> hi i also lost my son back in febuary of this year, after going for my 20 week scan and finding no heartbeat...after 6 hours labour he was born!!! i am now pregnant again and im 18 weeks pregnant and basicall sh***ting myself i have my 20 week scan on 6 jan and praying this bean is ok :o( xxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I hope everything goes ok. I can not imagine how scary it must feel. I would be climbing the walls! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> :flower::flower: Merry Christmas Girls!!!:flower::flower:
> 
> Its an emotional time of the year, have a cry most days :cry:
> 
> FX Maevesmummy for your BFP.... i think u just have to go with how u feel at the time...
> i told everyone straight away ..then regretted it afterwards:dohh:
> 
> sorry for your loss Bert1e:hugs:
> when was the last time u had a scan? it must be so nerve wracking for u?
> I have a scan tomorrow that i'm sh**ing myself about too:nope: would gladly not go, but i know i must....
> how often have they scanned u this pregnancy? hope u don't mind me asking , but what did your LO die from?
> They found no reason for my charlie dying which i struggle with , as feel iu'd never know if something went wrong with this baby.. :(
> 
> Hope everyone has as good a christmas as u can !! :friends:

No AF, but left the test I did too long. It was an asda one, I left it for 30 mins so can not trust it will re-test Friday. :wacko:
I couldnt resist it this morning. But the was too scared to look! When I did there was a VERY VERY VERY and I mean you have to squint to see it faint line which is pink as the control line but stronger down the one side which is more like that of an evap line thank a pos.
Plus last time I just knew, I felt like I was This time nothing xxxxxx:shrug:

Have a good Christmas if you can too.
I donated some money to Sands as a way of saying happy Christmas to everyone and their little angels. xxxx:kiss:


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## babesx3

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## iloveblue

Ooh Maevesmummy - sounds like it could be a BFP. Really, really hope so. xxx
My AF due on Xmas day - I'm pretty sure it is on the way, feeling crampy, bloated and got PMT. Did a test yesterday (far too early I know) and got BFN.
I'm actually fine about it - thought I would be gutted but I'm not, still feeling very positive. I just wish AF would hurry up and come so i can have a drink over Christmas!
Have a lovely Christmas everyone xxx


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## MaevesMummy

:shrug:
I dont feel the same as I did last time though. I am not sure. I dont think this is going to end well.:nope:

iloveblue, your body does need time to recover and build up all its reserves again. I will keep everything crossed for you, I hope you have a peaceful Christmas.
I will let you know what happens for us. If we get passed the 8 weeks, I will be suprised.
xxxxxxxxx
Lots of love to everyone
:hugs:


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## babesx3

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## Imalia

AF was due Monday, I think, but I wasn't really tracking O this cycle with trying to deal with the holidays. Haven't had the nerve to test yes, cause if it's bfn I'll be miserable the whole holidays, and make everyone else miserable too. So unless AF shows her face I'm going to spend Christmas in the blissful state of "maybe" before bringing myself back down to earth next week.

fx'd for you maevesmummy, here's hoping all our Holiday wishes come true.


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## MaevesMummy

Imalia, I am really hoping and praying for you.:hugs:


I hope I am not upsetting anyone by making this announcement on here, I dont want to hurt anyone who has been through a loss but today I got a :bfp:

I am a mix of emotions, Happy, sad, Worried, guilt, fear.

I am under no ilusions that this will go right, as hey haven yet decided at the hospital on a course of treatment for me. I have called them and forced the issue.
If anything goes wrong, it will be my fault.
xxxxxxxxxxx


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## babesx3

[


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## babesx3

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## Imalia

:yipee:

Congrat's Meavesmummy. I hope everything goes well for you.


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## Jox

Congratulations maevesmummy. Sending u lots of sticky :dust:

Wishing u all a gentle Christmas. Floaty kisses to the beautiful angels x


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## Imalia

Well, of course, af shows up just in time to ruin Christmas. Please excuse me while I go and hibernate.


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## MaevesMummy

:hugs:
Imalia, I am so sorry. I feel really bad when i see so many others that deserve happiness and a bit of hope.
I hope you have a gentle day tommorow. xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## iloveblue

Congratulations Maevesmummy - so pleased for you xxx

No AF for me yet - I thought it was due on Xmas Day, but did a test today and got a BFN. Think my cycles are still all over the place - should turn up in the next few days hopefully.

I'm sorry it's not your month again Imalia - here's hoping that 2011 is your year xx


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## Imalia

I've noticed my whole attitude is changing. Used to be "Noooo, what do you mean I'm not pregnant? I did everything I could" Now it's more "Well, of course I'm not f*ing pregnant, I only did everything humanly possible, why should I expect something good in my life"


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## babesx3

.


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## babesx3

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## MaevesMummy

:hugs:
I lit a candle too, I thought of Maeve, and everyone elses little angels. everyone else who had a child missing from Christmas and how hard it is for them.
I still dont believe I am pregnant, I have no symptoms, last time I was very sick. :shrug:
I was given an urgent appointment and have started on Clexane injections, whichn are no where near as bad as I thought.
I wont relax now untill this one is born, having seen so many sad stories and been through this myself I am so aware of the chances of actually having a baby to take home.

I also feel guilty, not just for being pregnant again soon. I can see the pain of others on here, who desperatly want a baby, and deserve a light at the end of the tunnell. I keep my fingers crossed for you all and wish I could wave a magic wand! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::kiss:


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## babesx3

.


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## iloveblue

Glad your scan went well Nats , and glad to hear you are being looked after Maevesmummy - hope the injections do the trick. 

AF appeared today - was a little sad, but was expecting it really. I think I ovulated later than I thought (havn't been charting, using OPK's etc, trying to be relaxed about it all) and we didn't DTD much. I am hopeful and looking forward to starting a new year - will be good to put this one behind us.
Hopefully we will hear from the consultant in the next few weeks - it is almost 10 weeks now :growlmad:


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

Still injecting, running out of flab on my belly-didnt think that was possible!
Got an appt tommorow might get a scan but dont know. Still no sickness, just a bit of a weak stomache and peeing forever.
Still feel numb, I should be happy, but all sorts of emotions, guilt fear, disbeliefe, guilt sadness, guilt guilt and some more.
:shrug:

Will see where this goes, but cant think of this as a baby yet, have others had problems connecting? I would have been induced this week. I am finding it hard. Topped off with a complaints meeting friday with the people who are treating me this time. Its so hard.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

Thank you, you always manage to make me feel more normal. I hope all is well at your scan, I am sure it will be ok. I will keep everything crossed for you.
I hope everyone else on here is ok? xxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Imalia

Well, it's been a rough couple of weeks, but I think I just about made it through the holidays still (mostly) sane. Thinking about getting another tattoo in a couple of weeks, I've had several planned for ages but kept putting them off "just in case" but now I've decided to stop putting my life on hold.


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## babesx3

:


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## MaevesMummy

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
If its any consilation I burst into tears when My husband went to work. I should be getting ready for my hospital appointment but I am in absolute bits. Its not even about this pregnancy. Its about Maeve, I miss her so much. I dont know if I have the strength to go into the hospital where she was born without colapsing in a heap! will let you know how I get on xxxx


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## babesx3

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## Imalia

:hugs: Maevesmummy I know it must be really difficult. I'll be thinking of you today and I know you will be able to find the strength you need to get through today.

As for the tattoo, I'm getting a malkavian mirror on my left shoulder blade, here's a pic in case you have no idea what I'm talking about.

https://i204.photobucket.com/albums/bb277/newmayfair/200px-LogoClanMalkavian.png

it'll be my fourth.


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## babesx3

.


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## Imalia

Um, kind of, but it's true symbolism and what it means to me is different. It's a clan logo from a role-play game : https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vampire:_The_Masquerade

The Malkavian Clan are cursed with insanity and to me it's symbolic of my struggles with depression and agoraphobia. A reminder of how far I've come now that I'm well again.


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## MaevesMummy

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
A brilliant symbol, and you have come very far.
Wishing you more gentle days ahead. 
Hope we get to see a picture of the finished Tat!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Is iloveblue ok? Thinking of her too.

Today wasnt so bad, I still have no handheld notes, or booking appt, no scan, and I had to explain everything to them.
I did it without breaking down, which is a step forward. Still no idea if I am still pg? 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## iloveblue

Hello girls

Just popping in to say hi and hope you are all okay.

Glad your appointment went well today Maevesmummy - I'm sorry you've been feeling so down - I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. I can imagine the conflicting emotions must be very tough - especially as we are approaching due dates. 

I'm glad you're feeling more positive Imalia - I'm not really into tattoos but there is something very appealing about that mirror, and I like the symbolism. My DH has two and is hinting at getting another one.

Hope your scan goes well on Monday Nats. I think it is a hard time of year to get through - with the distraction of Christmas out of the way, and the cold dark days. 
I've felt like I'm going backwards at times these last few weeks - just feel very sad and emotional. There seem to be constant reminders everywhere I go and it actually physically hurts at times.

But we are TTC with a vengeance! - I read somewhere that the best way to get pregnant is to DTD every other day from the day AF bleeding stops till the day the next one starts so thats what we are doing! If it doesn't work this month I may go down the route of OPK's.


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: to iloveblue. Giving you lots of virtual hugs. 
Sorry you have been so down, I guess with the holiday period and just time moving on can actually make things feel worse.

I think I am 6 weeks. Decided to wait the 2 weeks, because I can not change whatever happens, it will happen anyway.

Sending you all love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MissMaternal

Hello ladies!! :flower:

Sorry i haven't been on for ages, my laptop is broken and this PC is so damn slow! But i had to come and check on you all. I'm pleased to see some BFPs, congrats to those lucky ladies!

As for me, it's nearly 9 weeks since my recent loss and still no sign of AF. I'm booking a doctors appointment for tomorrow to see if they can find out what's going on with my body. After i lost Freya, my period came back after 4 weeks 5 days, but this time i guess my body is taking longer to get back to normal. It's such a pain, because i want to get back to TTC! It's so frustrating not knowing where i am in my cycle :nope:
I've been struggling a bit the last few days.... my best friend told me 2 days ago that she's pregnant... no great surprise, i knew she was TTC, but it still hits hard iykwim? 

I just miss Freya so so much :cry: I miss the other baby we lost too, but because we don't know the sex and it was nowhere near as big as Freya i think i had more of a connection with her and that loss was easier to deal with.

Hope everyone is well!! I'll stop rambling now... xx


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## MaevesMummy

:hugs:
Oh your not rambling. It must be so hard. I hope the doctors can give you some answers. It might just be that your body needs recovery time.
Have they tested you for anemia?
Love to you and your 2 little angels. Freya is such a pretty name.

And although you are happy for your friend its completly understandable you will be upset. Its a reminder of your loss, what you dont have .
Lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

Ah, thats not a nice dream to have, but like you said its just your fears coming out. I keep everything crossed all is ok xxxx
Have you been feeling a bit sick still, or was this a sudden out of the blue :sick:

Should have scan in 2 weeks will wait it out, I will be 8 weeks so will be more to see provided all is ok.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:hugs::hugs:


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## babesx3

.


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## babesx3

.


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## Imalia

I think we're just entering the tww this cycle, currently thinking I'm 1dpo, but I'm not entirely conviced. Wish there was an easier way to know all these things, the constant waiting is driving me crazy. Waiting to O, waiting after O, arrgghh 

Got a good feeling about this month though, for no real reason, just feeling positive. Here's fingers crossed for a birthday bfp for me (my birthday is three weeks away).


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## iloveblue

Fingers crossed for you Imalia. x
So glad your scan went well Nats.

I am trying to relax about TTC at the moment - starting to get a bit obsessed, to the point where I keep dreaming about my cervix :blush: 

Going to ring hospital on Friday - will be 12 weeks and we still havn't heard from them :growlmad:, I really feel like we're in limbo.


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## iloveblue

How are you Maevesmummy - havn't heard from you for a few days. Hope all is well with you xx


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

Fingers toes and every apendige crossed for you Imalia! xxx

iloveblue, waiting drove me nuts its awful when you just want to go in and get it over with. I would call and nag them a bit xxxxxxx
I am ok just finding it so hard. I should have started leave Monday and would have been induced Fridayish not dealing with it so well. I keep thinking...

Babesx Glad your scan went well, just hang in there, it isnt great on the nerves but we all sending our love. xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs:

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## iloveblue

No, we had no clues as to why we lost our baby and i've got a feeling the results are going to be inconclusive. I rang the hosp about 4 weeks ago - they originally said it would take 6-8 weeks, and spoke to consultant's secretary who said its more like 12 weeks. The preliminary PM results were in but they were waiting for the full report. I really don't understand why it takes so long. I know the baby was sent to Birmingham's Womens hospital which is where they do all the baby PM's from my area - but they said that would only take around 10 days, so why does it take so long for the consultant to get all results back!! It is annoying, but I know there is nothing i can do about it. Will ring on Friday - might be able to make an appointment there and then, instead of waiting for letter to arrive. We had a full PM - don't know if that makes any difference.

We didn't get the photos in the end Nats - I misheard the bereavement lady, and the pack we got only contained the prints and some bits and pieces from SANDs.
I think the photos will be in with notes so we may be able to get them when we see consultant. 

I am currently on CD 17 of my cycle - have no idea if I have ovulated yet or not! I've been trying to learn how to look for signs and check cervix etc but have given up in frustration.
We have been DTD every other day so we'll see..........


----------



## Suze

Hi everyone, I think I belong back here now!

Some of you already know me, I posted in here a while back after I lost my baby Joe at 17 weeks...I went on and got pg again but unfortunately miscarried again and had the erpc at 11 weeks just 2 weeks ago. It's all just so so unfair and difficult.

We are awaiting test results which hopefully should take a couple more weeks as it was just cytogenetics with being 1st tri.....I have a feeling its another chromosomal abnormality as this baby's growth was slow.

iloveblue I can feel your frustration at waiting for your results, ours took about 8 weeks. It was explained to us that the consultants from the actual physical PM and then cytogenetics (normally 2 different hospitals, was in our case) sit down and formulate a report and thats why it takes the time.
As for the photo's, when I was in hospital this time around I was given an envelope with Joe's photo in which I didn't need to see as we already had them but it reassured me to know that it was there if I ever needed it :hugs:


----------



## Suze

Oh and maevesmummy, big congratulations to you on your bfp, I hope it gets a bit easier for you with time....


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## iloveblue

Hi Suze
I'm so sorry you had to lose another baby. Life is so unfair at times. You sound very strong. How are you feeling? xx


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## Suze

I'm not strong at all, I wish! I'm OK, quite up and down really and also my due date for Joe is approaching too :cry: 
I've had a bit of a difficult time with OH too, reagrding the whole ttc again which of course for me has come back with a vengeance, but my OH is struggling with the thought of another loss :shrug:

I take it you're ttc again. If you're dtd every day then I shouldn't think it matters if you track ov, you'll have everything covered :thumbup:


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## babesx3

.


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## Suze

I thought charlie's pm was Birmingham too


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## MaevesMummy

:hug:
iloveblue, thats actually the hospital I attended as I live not far, and they made me wait the full 12 weeks too. Its so awful, I ordered my notes and had them 4 weeks before the apt and they put the PM results in them so I knew they had them before. I dont know why they make you wait so long. I keep everything crossed for you, if its meant to happen it will I am sure, your body might have just needed time to recover. xxxx:hugs::hugs:
Suze, I am sorry to here you have another little angel, I hope they really look after you. You need guidence and reasurance, it must be so heartbreaking. I cant even begin to imagine.:hugs::hugs:

Countinmg down until my scan now. Hoping for the best but what will be will be xxxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

Thats interesting. There must have lots of babies going there. Whereabouts in the West Mids are you Maevesmummy? I'm in Shropshire. 

Are you Cheshire Nats? Where are you from Suze?

How do you go about ordering your notes Maevesmummy?


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## Suze

I'm from Newcastle, don't live in the city centre but by the coast. Have you rang the hospital back? I think you'd be well within your rights to ring and enquire if you haven't rang for a few weeks. It does sound like a very busy hospital. Mine took the 8 weeks and it's a fairly quiet hospital, not a city one


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## Jamaris Mummy

Hi ladies.. I hope it's ok that I pop in and join ur group. Some of you may have come across my story before but if not my name I Kate I'm 23 years old and from Australia. I lost my baby boy at 16 wks on august 29 2010, after he was diagnosed with triploidy and partial molar pregnancy. He had a strong hb but no chance of survival and we had to make the heartbreaking choice to be induced and deliver him, I was so sick and we had no ther choice, it was potentially fatal for me to if I continued the pregnancy. The drs also believe my pregnancy began as twins. Anyway time is moving fast, we were told to wait 6 months to ttc. We can ttc in march. I got my 4th af today since losing my little man, had to stay home from work as it's quite painful and making me sick. I'm so anxious/excited/nervous to ttc again soon, I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any advice for me that you have learnt along ur journey of ttc/pregnancy after a loss. Much love and best wishes to all of u, no matter what stage ur at. I'm so looking forward to talking to u all soon :hugs:


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## babesx3

.


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## Jamaris Mummy

Hi babesx3:) thankyou.. And yes I fell straight away with Jamari, literally first go! No other children... He was my first:cry: I'm just hoping I fall quickly again this time around...


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## babesx3

.


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## iloveblue

Hi and welcome Jamaris mummy :happydance: - I'm sorry to hear you lost your little boy. No advice really - just try and be as relaxed as possible about TTC. I'm trying to take a step back as I was starting to get a bit obsessed!
I'm currently on 2nd cycle of TTC since we lost our baby in October.

You're not far that from me then, Nats - I'm in Shrewsbury. 

Well - just been on the phone to consultants secretary who was very nice. They are still waiting for full PM results from Birmingham Women's Hospital - but she said they should be there any day now. However, consultant on leave for two weeks!!! So will prob be end of Jan/early Feb now. She did say she would ring me as soon as they were ready rather than sending a letter and was very sympathetic. Still annoying though :growlmad:


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## babesx3

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## Imalia

I had that too Iloveblue, every step of the way between loosing my baby and getting the results, something was delayed because someone was on leave. 

First we were sent away from the hospital with no support or real clue what happened next because the (apparently only) bereavement midwife was on leave. Then it took them five weeks to tell me I had an infection, because someone else was on leave. An initial investigation into hospital malpractice was delayed and took two weeks because a nurse, and then a doctor was on leave. PM results were delayed being told to us because the consultants secretary was on leave, not the consultant, just the secretary and apparently no one else in the whole freakin' hospital was qualified to open a diary and make an appointment. It was driving me up the wall.


----------



## iloveblue

How frustrating Imalia!
How long did it take in the end to get all your results?


----------



## Suze

Hi jamarismummy we've 'spoken' too before, both our little boys had triploidy. Im hoping your ttc journey is short, it sounds like it will be if you fell straight away with jamari and you will still be in that window of being extra fertile after a loss too. Look forward to hearing how it goes for you. 

I've finally got a negative hpt today after my loss 2 weeks ago :yipee: Feels very odd to be celebrating a negative hpt!

And last but not least it's 5 months today since I lost my baby Joe, still miss you every day baby. My due date for him is in 10 days too, and just to add insult to injury I also should have been 13 weeks today/in 2nd tri with who should have been my rainbow baby......:cry:


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## babesx3

.


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Thats interesting. There must have lots of babies going there. Whereabouts in the West Mids are you Maevesmummy? I'm in Shropshire.
> 
> Are you Cheshire Nats? Where are you from Suze?
> 
> How do you go about ordering your notes Maevesmummy?

Hi, I live in Stourbridge, so not far! 
To order your notes you need to find something on your local hospital website.
I will send you a direct link and Hope I have the right Trust :wacko:
You should be able to phone and get a form sent to you .
It should just be £27 for pregnancy notes. 
I hope this helps.
xxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

Thanks Maevesmummy - that is the right trust. Very helpful, thank-you. How are you?


----------



## Imalia

Took about three months in the end to get everything back and explained and sorted out.


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Thanks Maevesmummy - that is the right trust. Very helpful, thank-you. How are you?

:sleep::sick:
But loving ever minuite of the sea sick feeling at least I know I am still getting hormones. Scan Tuesday, pooing myself about that. Emotionally I am feeling a bit upset, when I see that we only lost Maeve 4 months ago Today, I feel like I have been rather selfish. I dont know I hope she doesnt mind. We could never replace her and I will always love her. xxxx


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## babesx3

.


----------



## Jamaris Mummy

Thanks suze yes we have spoken before:) I will be sure to let u know how I go:) I'm so very sorry to hear of ur 2nd loss, may I ask what happened hun? Was it triploidy again? Also after you had ur lil Joe were u told to wait to ttc for six months? I'm counting down the days 6 wks left. I know how u feel, jamari's due date is coming up- the 26th, it will be a hard day. Thinking of u, this is our yr maybe we will be pregnant together:) do u plan to ttc again this yr?:hugs:


----------



## Suze

No we dont know just yet what happened with this one but requested testing and I'm hoping we'll get the results in the next couple of weeks. I'd been scanned weekly since early on and the growth of this baby seemed to slow down to the poknt at which i was 2 weeks behind by the time i got to 10 weeks. I'd also had spotting and bleeding very similar to what happened with Joe so I am suspecting a chromosomal issue again. We didn't have to wait to ttc again due to us not having had a molar, they found out my triploidy was caused by an error in my egg division instead. 

Yes we'd had lengthy and difficult talks about ttc due to the fear of another loss, we've had 3 now although had a beautiful healthy daughter in the 
middle. So we're kind of both on board and ready to get ttc again, I'm desperate if I'm honest after 2 losses in 4 and a half months!!

Ah jamaris due date is 2 days after joe's, sure we'll all support each other on here through those due dates. So how long have you left now til ttc?


----------



## Jamaris Mummy

Oh suze I'm very sorry to hear, I hope u get some results soon so you don't have to keep wondering about what happened this time around. Having ur lil girl must give you some amazing strength and hope:) wow our bubba boys due dates are so close, I will be thinking about u on the 24th, it's also the 10 yr anniversary of my grandfathers passing that day. We can ttc again in march after waiting six months. So u know what's going on march 1! :) I'm soo anxious for march to get here. That's excellent u got to get weekly testing on the pregnancy suze, I have to call the fetal medicine unit when I'm pregnant so they can organize testing. Big :hugs:


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## MaevesMummy

scan today will let you know xxx


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## Suze

Oh good luck today with the scan, I hope you do manage to enjoy it :hugs:


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## Imalia

Good luck today Maevesmummy. I hope you are able to relax a little and enjoy it.


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## babesx3

.


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## iloveblue

So sorry you are feeling low Nats :hugs:- I'm sorry to say it but I think you should put the Doppler away for a while, it doesn't sound like its helping much at the moment. Approaching Charlie's due date was always going to be hard - is there anything you can do to keep busy and keep your mind off it? 
Do you have any hobbies - could you teach yourself a new hobby like knitting/crocheting/sewing?
It sounds daft but I sew and crochet and planning little projects really does keep my mind occupied. xxxx

How did it go today Maevesmummy?


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## MissMaternal

Hope today went well Maevesmummy xxx

As for me, nearly 11 weeks after my latest miscarriage and i'm STILL waiting for a period! Grr! xx


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> Good Luck maeves mummyXXXXX thinking of u!!
> 
> Had a crummy few days..just can't seem to find HB with doppler, so been thinking baby has died :cry:
> went to church this am to try and collect my thoughts, then tried again with doppler still nothing..:(
> convinced myself baby had died , got myself in such a state crying , crying for this baby and charlie, jst wishing i was giving birth to him now.....
> anyway i rang the hosp, who thankfully got me in for a scan straight away..and saw baby kicking away quite oblivious to its mothers anguish... so for now i am reasured..how i get thru the next few weeks i don't know...:( i continually think baby is going to die :cry:
> sorry to be on such a downer...it just seems to much with charlies due date coming up, and the gestation at which he died coming up with this one..:(

Oh please dont think that I never could get it even at 19 weeks. I got the placenta bot not HB. I wont get one this time, it seems to just make me worry even more. :( :hugs:It must be so hard not knowing and worrying. Lots of love to you.

Scan went ok. HB was there, and I am about 8 weeks. Shame, I still dont feel excited. In fact I cried on my way back to work. I just dont want everyone to get there hopes up and let them down again so deff keeping it to ourselves for as long as poss. .
I hope everyone else is as ok as can be? 
Thinking of you all xxxxx


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## MissMaternal

babesx3 said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> So sorry you are feeling low Nats :hugs:- I'm sorry to say it but I think you should put the Doppler away for a while, it doesn't sound like its helping much at the moment. Approaching Charlie's due date was always going to be hard - is there anything you can do to keep busy and keep your mind off it?
> Do you have any hobbies - could you teach yourself a new hobby like knitting/crocheting/sewing?
> It sounds daft but I sew and crochet and planning little projects really does keep my mind occupied. xxxx
> 
> How did it go today Maevesmummy?
> 
> I agree i think i will put it away till baby is bigger... FX
> I do have plenty of distractions with the kids, just can't switch my brain off..... maybe good idea doing something in the evenings:thumbup:
> 
> 
> How are you maeves mummy??? thinking of u hoping all is ok!! :hugs:
> 
> Miss maternal hope AF returns soon!! :hugs: how are you?Click to expand...

I am doing ok-ish. Been struggling a lot recently - so am going to ask my doctor if she can refer me for some miscarriage counselling. I've never felt like i needed it before, but 8 months after losing Freya and then losing this baby it's all catching up on me and my emotions are everywhere. How are you? xx

Maevesmummy, i'm relieved that the scan went well. I am sure that one day soon it will all seem real and you will be able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. That may seem a long way off now, but i'm sure your feelings will change. I feel the same about any future pregnancies when i think about it...when i fell pregnant for the second time, i was excited and didn't think things could possibly go wrong for me again. But then it did go wrong again, and the thought of getting pregnant again scares the hell out of me because i know i won't enjoy a second of it. But it's also the thing i want more than anything in the world. 

Stay strong hun xx


----------



## Suze

Missmaternal I could have written the last few sentences of your post there myself!!

Babes, I posted in your journal as you know but just to say I'm pleased everything is fine and I hope you get extra special care over the next few weeks. 
Maevesmummy I'm pleased all was well with the scan, I'm sure you'll be able to bond soon and I'm sure the excitement will come soon, you're still grieving :hugs:

Well despite it being requested we will never know what happened to our baby, and more heartbreaking for me is that I'll now never know the sex due to the hospital not having done their job properly. My consultant was very apologetic as she was the one who requested the information but the processes weren't followed....so well done hospital, another 'great' handling of a woman going through a miscarriage


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## iloveblue

Oh Suze - thats awful. x

Glad the scan went well MM - I'm sure you will start to feel excited when you feel a bit more secure, its a natural reaction I would think.

Sorry to hear you've been struggling MissMaternal and that your AF hasn't returned yet - have they done any hormone tests etc to see whats going on? I've also heard that going on the pill can kickstart AF for some people. Miscarriage counselling sounds like a good idea xxx


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## MissMaternal

iloveblue said:


> Oh Suze - thats awful. x
> 
> Glad the scan went well MM - I'm sure you will start to feel excited when you feel a bit more secure, its a natural reaction I would think.
> 
> Sorry to hear you've been struggling MissMaternal and that your AF hasn't returned yet - have they done any hormone tests etc to see whats going on? I've also heard that going on the pill can kickstart AF for some people. Miscarriage counselling sounds like a good idea xxx

Yes, i went to the doctors last week and she did a pregnancy test, which was negative. Then she took some blood and did some hormone tests, which also all came back negative, so i have no answers as to where my period has gone! If it's not back in a couple of weeks i'll go back and see what else they can do. Thanks for the hint about the pill! 

xx


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## babesx3

.


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## MaevesMummy

Suze said:


> Missmaternal I could have written the last few sentences of your post there myself!!
> 
> Babes, I posted in your journal as you know but just to say I'm pleased everything is fine and I hope you get extra special care over the next few weeks.
> Maevesmummy I'm pleased all was well with the scan, I'm sure you'll be able to bond soon and I'm sure the excitement will come soon, you're still grieving :hugs:
> 
> Well despite it being requested we will never know what happened to our baby, and more heartbreaking for me is that I'll now never know the sex due to the hospital not having done their job properly. My consultant was very apologetic as she was the one who requested the information but the processes weren't followed....so well done hospital, another 'great' handling of a woman going through a miscarriage


Thanks for your support, I dont want to seem ungrateful, I know I am soo lucky to be in this position again, even I am shocked it happened so quick.
I guess everyone on here knows how terrifying it is to even think of being pregnant again, but missmaternal is right its the one thing we all want more than anything in the world.
As for the hospital, I am apalled they have treated you badly and made mistakes like this.I know I go on about this, but if and when you feel you can, please think about writing a complaint to PAL's. They need to know when they go wrong and how it makes people feel. Its the only way they can know where to change procedures/systems and training. 
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: It will bring little comfort but I tried to get some strength knowing I had improved the situation for others. xxxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Oh Suze - thats awful. x
> 
> Glad the scan went well MM - I'm sure you will start to feel excited when you feel a bit more secure, its a natural reaction I would think.
> 
> Sorry to hear you've been struggling MissMaternal and that your AF hasn't returned yet - have they done any hormone tests etc to see whats going on? I've also heard that going on the pill can kickstart AF for some people. Miscarriage counselling sounds like a good idea xxx
> 
> Yes, i went to the doctors last week and she did a pregnancy test, which was negative. Then she took some blood and did some hormone tests, which also all came back negative, so i have no answers as to where my period has gone! If it's not back in a couple of weeks i'll go back and see what else they can do. Thanks for the hint about the pill!
> 
> xxClick to expand...

I hope it comes back for you soon. Hormones are funny things. After an Early Miscarriage once I didnt bleed for 4 months. Its terrible it drags on for you. I hope it comes for you soon.:hugs:
Lots of love to everyone else xxxx


----------



## iloveblue

I'm okay thanks. I'm trying very hard not too symtom spot and will not be testing till after AF is due (will be hard but I'm going to keep busy.)
I had a really vivid dream last night that I had a baby girl called Callie - but when she was born she was already about 18 months old and I was really sad because I'd missed all the cute newborn snuggly bits. Very bizarre! I was relieved when I woke up.
I have no idea where the name Callie came from - I had a friend called Callie at primary school but I havn't thought about her for years. Brains are strange.


----------



## MaevesMummy

Indeed I have had some very strange ones latley! Thats kind of a happy dream, and a sweet name.
I hope you are as ok as can be xxxx:hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

Hello everyone - hope you are all okay

I got a faint :bfp: this morning :happydance:- I've been feeling nauseous for a few days and just though I would chance it, AF not due till Tuesday so wasn't really expecting to get a line, but it was there, just about.

I've never felt sick this early in a pregnancy before - has anyone else? I'm assuming it must be a good sign.

Anyway, I'm a bit giddy, very pleased but also absolutely terrified!


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## babesx3

.


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## iloveblue

Do you mean like taking aspirin etc?

Thats the problem, you see, because we havn't seen consultant yet I don't know, but I have assumed that if there was anything serious I would have known by now. The consultant and midwife both said we could start TTC after one cycle.
I will ring the hospital again next week and explain situation.

I've just told my Mum who wasn't particularly overjoyed - but then she wasn't last time either, I think the novelty of grandchildren has worn off a bit.

How are you doing Nats - are you feeling any better about it all?


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## babesx3

.


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## babesx3

.


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## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> P's..my mums never that over joyed about preganancy either!! i did everything wrong..got PG befoire married, then had 2nd too soon..then dared to have more than 2 :dohh: so i was dissappointing all round :(
> 
> I love my kids , so don't really care what others think!! :grr:

I completly agree - we also had the boys before we got married. My family didn't mind - but MIL and FIL were'nt happy, although they never showed it, bless them - just kept hinting at how we still had time to get married before baby was born.
My MIL will be overjoyed that I am pregnant again though - losing the baby really affected her.

I am taking normal folic acid and have been for weeks - will also ring GP next week I think and make an appointment. I'm not too concerned about having an early scan - its the 16-20 weeks time when I want extra monitoring.


----------



## iloveblue

Hooray for finding heartbeat!!


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## babesx3

.


----------



## Imalia

Congrats iloveblue. Thinking I'm probably out this month despite feeling positive earlier. My temps are dropping and I'm sure pmt is kicking in with a vengeance. AF not due until Monday/Tuesday so we'll see, but I'll be very surprised.

Although I am thrilled for all of you, kinda bummed that it feels like I'm the only one left to get a bfp.


----------



## MaevesMummy

WOW:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
Excelent! YAY!

Congratulations. I didnt feel sick untill 6 weeks gradually getting worse xxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Congrats iloveblue. Thinking I'm probably out this month despite feeling positive earlier. My temps are dropping and I'm sure pmt is kicking in with a vengeance. AF not due until Monday/Tuesday so we'll see, but I'll be very surprised.
> 
> Although I am thrilled for all of you, kinda bummed that it feels like I'm the only one left to get a bfp.

:hugs:
I hope that you will be next keeping everything crossed for you xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

MaevesMummy said:


> Imalia said:
> 
> 
> Congrats iloveblue. Thinking I'm probably out this month despite feeling positive earlier. My temps are dropping and I'm sure pmt is kicking in with a vengeance. AF not due until Monday/Tuesday so we'll see, but I'll be very surprised.
> 
> Although I am thrilled for all of you, kinda bummed that it feels like I'm the only one left to get a bfp.
> 
> :hugs:
> I hope that you will be next keeping everything crossed for you xxxxxxxxxxxClick to expand...

Me too!! got everything crossed for u Imalia :friends:

Suze is TTC too!!!:hugs: FX both of u will have FEB BFP'S!!!:happydance:


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Congrats iloveblue. Thinking I'm probably out this month despite feeling positive earlier. My temps are dropping and I'm sure pmt is kicking in with a vengeance. AF not due until Monday/Tuesday so we'll see, but I'll be very surprised.
> 
> Although I am thrilled for all of you, kinda bummed that it feels like I'm the only one left to get a bfp.

Its not over till AF arrives Imalia - don't give up hope just yet. I know you will be next xxx


----------



## Suze

Aw congratulations iloveblue....lovely news! 

Imalia I am still without a bfp so we'll keep each other company! Well you might get yours in the next few days I hope! 

MM we are certainly going the complaints route this time and it will be a double complaint, the stuff from when we lost Joe too which was more about lack of care and dignity. I just can't believe that this time vital information has been irreplaceably lost by the hospital. I might pm you about it for further info as I know you're in the middle of yours


----------



## MissMaternal

Congrats on finding the heartbeat babesx3!!! :wohoo:

Wow iloveblue, congrats on your :bfp: hun!! I will be stalking you :haha:

Imalia hun...i'm still here waiting too..although i know you've been waiting for years longer than i have. Our time will come...i just hope it's soon xx


----------



## MissMaternal

Oh..i had some totally oblivious colleague at work come up to me today, and she said "How's littl'un? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Um, well by now i would be about 30 weeks pregnant. Do i look 30 weeks pregnant? No. 
I didn't say that to her though. I just said "No, unfortunately i lost this one too" and her response was "Oh, keep trying.." and then she LAUGHED?! Oh, yes, it's HILARIOUS. To be fair though, she is a bit "simple" if you know what i mean.

Also the other day i bumped into someone i haven't seen since i was pregnant with Freya. She asked me if i'd had the baby. So i had to explain it all. I hate having to relive it, even though in my head i relive it everyday...but talking to people about it is totally different :cry:

AAAARRGGGHHH rant over... xx


----------



## Imalia

I know how you feel MissMaternal. I was the same after my loss. I avoided places I had been a regular at, and for a little while stopped going out completely. I didn't leave the house for a little over a month because I was so afraid I would see someone who would ask me, and I wouldn't be able to handle saying it out loud over and over. It was bad enough living it everyday, actually saying out loud, was more than I had the strength to do.


----------



## babesx3

.


----------



## Suze

MM how awful for you, stupid woman :growlmad:

I had a colleague say at work that she couldn't believe I was on maternity leave already when I was off after losing Joe...idiot. 

Here's to 2011 forever babies ...


----------



## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> MaevesMummy said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Imalia said:
> 
> 
> Congrats iloveblue. Thinking I'm probably out this month despite feeling positive earlier. My temps are dropping and I'm sure pmt is kicking in with a vengeance. AF not due until Monday/Tuesday so we'll see, but I'll be very surprised.
> 
> Although I am thrilled for all of you, kinda bummed that it feels like I'm the only one left to get a bfp.
> 
> :hugs:
> I hope that you will be next keeping everything crossed for you xxxxxxxxxxxClick to expand...
> 
> Me too!! got everything crossed for u Imalia :friends:
> 
> Suze is TTC too!!!:hugs: FX both of u will have FEB BFP'S!!!:happydance:Click to expand...


Yes everybody TTC should have their turn next xxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> Oh..i had some totally oblivious colleague at work come up to me today, and she said "How's littl'un? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Um, well by now i would be about 30 weeks pregnant. Do i look 30 weeks pregnant? No.
> I didn't say that to her though. I just said "No, unfortunately i lost this one too" and her response was "Oh, keep trying.." and then she LAUGHED?! Oh, yes, it's HILARIOUS. To be fair though, she is a bit "simple" if you know what i mean.
> 
> Also the other day i bumped into someone i haven't seen since i was pregnant with Freya. She asked me if i'd had the baby. So i had to explain it all. I hate having to relive it, even though in my head i relive it everyday...but talking to people about it is totally different :cry:
> 
> AAAARRGGGHHH rant over... xx

Oh my some people have no idea at all. :( So sorry you had to put up with this woman. You must be an amazing person I would have punched her.
Lots of love to you, and wishing you strength. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

MissMaternal said:


> Oh..i had some totally oblivious colleague at work come up to me today, and she said "How's littl'un? Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" Um, well by now i would be about 30 weeks pregnant. Do i look 30 weeks pregnant? No.
> I didn't say that to her though. I just said "No, unfortunately i lost this one too" and her response was "Oh, keep trying.." and then she LAUGHED?! Oh, yes, it's HILARIOUS. To be fair though, she is a bit "simple" if you know what i mean.
> 
> Also the other day i bumped into someone i haven't seen since i was pregnant with Freya. She asked me if i'd had the baby. So i had to explain it all. I hate having to relive it, even though in my head i relive it everyday...but talking to people about it is totally different :cry:
> 
> AAAARRGGGHHH rant over... xx

How insensitive - I can't believe some people. 
It is horrible having to explain - I've had to explain to a few colleagues at work recently and it doesn't seem to get any easier.

I am still avoiding my hairdresser, who lives at the bottom of my road, as last time I saw her I was 16 wks with a lovely bump. I'm sure she must have noticed as I walk past her hpuse every day but I just can't face it - the boys desperately need their hair cutting, and I am seriously considering going to another hairdresser.

Well, I POAS again yesterday morning and there was no line (it wasn't my first wee of the morning - as had been at 4am) so I panicked, as nausea has decreased too. 
Went to get a Early response test which did show a faint line so felt a bit better. Its already a rollercoaster and I only found out 2 days ago!!
I'm trying to step away from the HPT's for now - till Tues at least when AF is due.
I'm in the 'what will be, will be' frame of mind at the moment.

Hope everyone else is well and you are all having a nice weekend xx


----------



## iloveblue

Just wanted to add - will be thinking of you tomorrow Suze, on baby Joe's due date :hugs:


----------



## Suze

Thanks a lot iloveblue

Yes stay away from the hpts for the moment, it is such a rollercoaster..you tested with afternoon pee so that'll be it!


----------



## babesx3

:


----------



## Imalia

Well, AF showed up today so it's back to the start again for me.


----------



## Jamaris Mummy

:hugs: Imalia you will get there dont give up hun x


----------



## babesx3

.


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## babesx3

.


----------



## MaevesMummy

Suze I hope yesterday passed gently, lots of love and hugs.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
And the same to Imalia. Thinking of you. Its bad enought having an AF but under the circumstances I imagine its very very hard.
Lots of love and wishing it to be your turn very soon, It will happen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Hope you are ok iloveblue?

My little bit of sickness has virtually gone so I am expecting bad news Friday. Will let you know though. xxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

Thinking of you Imalia - I'm sorry its not your month again. Please don't give up xx


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Iloveblue how are your lines???

I POAS earlier today and line came up much quicker and it was definitely darker :happydance:

AF is due today and I've had cramps on and off all day - even though I know this is normal and had this with previous pregnancies I still can't help thinking the worst. But I'm trying to be positive.


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> Suze I hope yesterday passed gently, lots of love and hugs.
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> And the same to Imalia. Thinking of you. Its bad enought having an AF but under the circumstances I imagine its very very hard.
> Lots of love and wishing it to be your turn very soon, It will happen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Hope you are ok iloveblue?
> 
> My little bit of sickness has virtually gone so I am expecting bad news Friday. Will let you know though. xxxxx

Did you have much sickness when you were expecting Maeve? How many weeks are you now? xxxx


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> Iloveblue how are your lines???
> 
> I POAS earlier today and line came up much quicker and it was definitely darker :happydance:
> 
> AF is due today and I've had cramps on and off all day - even though I know this is normal and had this with previous pregnancies I still can't help thinking the worst. But I'm trying to be positive.Click to expand...

Thats great news !!!:thumbup:
yeah i always have lots of AF cramps in early pregnancy!!:hugs:


----------



## babesx3

MaevesMummy said:


> Suze I hope yesterday passed gently, lots of love and hugs.
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> And the same to Imalia. Thinking of you. Its bad enought having an AF but under the circumstances I imagine its very very hard.
> Lots of love and wishing it to be your turn very soon, It will happen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Hope you are ok iloveblue?
> 
> My little bit of sickness has virtually gone so I am expecting bad news Friday. Will let you know though. xxxxx

:hugs: For friday ... FX you are wrong!!! u maybe lucky and just not have sickness!!:hugs:


----------



## Suze

MaevesM thanks :friends: I'm sure everything is fine, all my pregnancies have been very different with regards to sickness and I'm sure others will say the same too

Great that your lines are getting darker iloveblue and it sounds like the af cramps are normal for you


----------



## iloveblue

Hope you are okay MaevesM xx

No cramps today - seems like my body is working like clockwork, cramps all day on day AF due and then completely gone the next.
DH told MIL earlier which has made me feel a bit nervous for some reason. Think we are going to tell just close family for now - then everyone else (including the boys) after 12 week scan.

Nats - when did you tell you kiddlywinks?


----------



## Suze

Jamarismummy just want to send you some :hugs: on your due date and floaty :kiss: to jamari


----------



## babesx3

Suze said:


> Jamarismummy just want to send you some :hugs: on your due date and floaty :kiss: to jamari

massive hugs Jamarismummy!!!:hugs: hope the day passed gently for u !!!:kiss: for jamari


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> Hope you are okay MaevesM xx
> 
> No cramps today - seems like my body is working like clockwork, cramps all day on day AF due and then completely gone the next.
> DH told MIL earlier which has made me feel a bit nervous for some reason. Think we are going to tell just close family for now - then everyone else (including the boys) after 12 week scan.
> 
> Nats - when did you tell you kiddlywinks?

Told them after 14 weeks scan, was gonna wait till 20 weeks but my tummy is massive already :blush:
I do worry a lot about them going thru another loss with me..
Evie said yesterday morning that she didn;t want the baby in my tummy to go to heaven , made me :cry: she so sweet...


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Suze said:
> 
> 
> Jamarismummy just want to send you some :hugs: on your due date and floaty :kiss: to jamari
> 
> massive hugs Jamarismummy!!!:hugs: hope the day passed gently for u !!!:kiss: for jamariClick to expand...

Hugs from me too Jamarismummy xxx


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hope you are okay MaevesM xx
> 
> No cramps today - seems like my body is working like clockwork, cramps all day on day AF due and then completely gone the next.
> DH told MIL earlier which has made me feel a bit nervous for some reason. Think we are going to tell just close family for now - then everyone else (including the boys) after 12 week scan.
> 
> Nats - when did you tell you kiddlywinks?
> 
> Told them after 14 weeks scan, was gonna wait till 20 weeks but my tummy is massive already :blush:
> I do worry a lot about them going thru another loss with me..
> Evie said yesterday morning that she didn;t want the baby in my tummy to go to heaven , made me :cry: she so sweet...Click to expand...

I'm the same Nats, I originally planned to wait till 20 weeks but if my bump is anything like last time, it will be noticeable by 12 weeks!

Sweet Evie - they are so innocent aren't they.

I mentioned in passing to my youngest son Harper (he's 4) that I was going to the doctors on Friday (made an appointment to see GP as still not heard from hospital) and he said 'Are you going to find out why our baby died?' - neither of them have mentioned it for ages so I was quite taken aback.


----------



## Suze

Bless all the little ones :cloud9: 

Iloveblue my goodness you've still not heard back from the hospital with your results? That's been ages it must be driving you mad


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hope you are okay MaevesM xx
> 
> No cramps today - seems like my body is working like clockwork, cramps all day on day AF due and then completely gone the next.
> DH told MIL earlier which has made me feel a bit nervous for some reason. Think we are going to tell just close family for now - then everyone else (including the boys) after 12 week scan.
> 
> Nats - when did you tell you kiddlywinks?
> 
> Told them after 14 weeks scan, was gonna wait till 20 weeks but my tummy is massive already :blush:
> I do worry a lot about them going thru another loss with me..
> Evie said yesterday morning that she didn;t want the baby in my tummy to go to heaven , made me :cry: she so sweet...Click to expand...
> 
> I'm the same Nats, I originally planned to wait till 20 weeks but if my bump is anything like last time, it will be noticeable by 12 weeks!
> 
> Sweet Evie - they are so innocent aren't they.
> 
> I mentioned in passing to my youngest son Harper (he's 4) that I was going to the doctors on Friday (made an appointment to see GP as still not heard from hospital) and he said 'Are you going to find out why our baby died?' - neither of them have mentioned it for ages so I was quite taken aback.Click to expand...

Awww , its sad they have to say sentences like that tho' :(
i thimk they listen more than we think!! little tinkers..
Evie said to me in the car yesterday when i was crying that she wanted a different mummy that was happy.. really upset me, but then later when i was doing jigsaws with her and dylan she said are we making you happy mummy? and i said yes her and dylan always make me happy, she and dylan both smiled so sweetly and gave me a hug..was lovely :cloud9:

hope the docs get you some answers on fri must be so upsetting to have to keep chasing!! :hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

Will be thinking of you tomorrow MaevesM xxx


----------



## babesx3

Ditto!!

Good luck hope it goes well!! :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

Any news Maeves mummy..thinking of u !! hope u are ok!!! :hugs:

How are u iloveblue ..like the new avatar picture!! :)


----------



## iloveblue

Thanks Nats.

I'm okay thanks - we've been away in Chester for the weekend and am shattered now. 

I saw GP on Friday who wasn't helpful at all - he didn't seem to know anything about the fact that we had lost our previous baby, and he wouldn't check the system to see if any of the test results had come through to the surgery. He just huffed and puffed about all the paperwork that had to be filled in.

I'm going to ring the consultant again tomorrow - but just feeling fed up at the moment. 

How are you? Have you had a nice weekend?

Thinking of you Maevesmummy - hope you are okay xx


----------



## babesx3

:shock: your GP sounds even worse than mine and i thought he was unsympathetic!! :grr:
seriously hope your consultant has some answers..this is getting crazy!!! how are u feeling? has the sickness kicked in yet? did u tell GP about pregnancy?

had good weekend, weird was so upset last week about charlie , but seem to be more together ATM..his due date is fri..we are having a family day which will be nice... got a scan on weds, i'll be pretty much the gestation charlie died at then, so nervous... thankfully , i'm able to pick up HB pretty easily now with doppler and i'm feeling more movemnet which is reasuring, gonna be a nerve wracking couple of weeks.....

keep thinking about maevesmummy , i hope she and baby are ok!! XXX


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> :shock: your GP sounds even worse than mine and i thought he was unsympathetic!! :grr:
> seriously hope your consultant has some answers..this is getting crazy!!! how are u feeling? has the sickness kicked in yet? did u tell GP about pregnancy?
> 
> had good weekend, weird was so upset last week about charlie , but seem to be more together ATM..his due date is fri..we are having a family day which will be nice... got a scan on weds, i'll be pretty much the gestation charlie died at then, so nervous... thankfully , i'm able to pick up HB pretty easily now with doppler and i'm feeling more movemnet which is reasuring, gonna be a nerve wracking couple of weeks.....
> 
> keep thinking about maevesmummy , i hope she and baby are ok!! XXX

The reason I went to see GP was to register this pregnancy - so at least I know the midwife has my details now. Just spoken to consultants secretary and the full results were back last week, but the consultant was on leave. She is back today and the results are on her desk as we speak, ready for her to read through - the secretary said she would let her know of the new pregnancy, which might speed things up a bit - and we should hear from them soon. I feel a bit better - but just so fed up of waiting.

I'm feeling okay - having occasional bouts of nausea, but doesn't usually kick in for me till about 6 weeks. Am just very tired and grumpy at the moment! 
I'm 5 weeks tomorrow by my calculations, so still very early days.

I'm glad you're feeling better - it must be hard having Charlie's due date and being the same gestation at the same time. I'm dreading that 16-20 weeks bit.
What are you doing for your family day on Friday?
Glad you are feeling movement and hearing HB now - that must be helping. xx

I too am thinking about MaevesM and hoping they are both okay.


----------



## babesx3

oo FX you'll get the results then soon.... its a tough thing though..:hugs: i remember being very emotional about it, brings it all back ..:( but its something that needs to be done.. XXXX and knowing is better than guessing....
glad all well so far..my nausea doesn't ususally kick in till 6 weeks either.. all so worrying... 
Yeah i'll defo be glad to get to 20 weeks..seems a big milestone some how!!!
we were going to go to chester zoo, but weather looks dodgy and don't fancy freezing to death there..
we may just go swimming, have some luch out and perhaps go to a soft play..all indoor and warm..i'm really feeling the cold ATM and like to be inside!! :brr:


----------



## MaevesMummy

I wish I had come back feeling more positive. I have basically decided not to get excited and book a private scan in 2 weeks.
On the 18th of Jan I had 1st scan I was mesuring 7 1/2 to 8 weeks. Good good in line with dates. There was a Heart beat.

This time it was a bloody circus.
I was in the appt for 6 hours. Felt tearful and upset by this anyway. You would think a big bloody sands sticker on the front of my hand held notes would mean people were sensative. But no.
The first scan was performed by an idiot. He was rude and he found a second empty scak under the first. The hearbeat was weaker than it was before I am sure. He wouldnt explain the second scak but said he would make notes so the midwife/consultant could. The blob (sorry if I offend anyone that I am affraid is how it looked and how I am thinking of it) only messured 8 weeks. So over ten days virtually no growth.
Another hours wait for M/W guess what the muppett had not noted anything!
I then got dragged into the room where they told me my waters had gone with Maeve, rescanned and they refused to re-messure.
I have been put on lupus drugs because of a rise in antibody level's which isnt good.
I have been told my next scan is a month away. Great!
Sorry for the moan, I am not very happy, and I just know its gone wrong. If it has I just want it over with.
xxxxx


----------



## babesx3

Massive hugs Maeves mummy :hugs:

I must admit i called my baby a blob with a heart beat till 14 weeks when it was clearly a baby.. think its a defense mechanism, to protect from the pain of loss again...

A month is a really long time to make u wait!!! that seems really unreasonable, leaving u to suffer so long :( they must know what anguish this will bring u ..:(
my consultant told me i could have a scan whenever i felt i needed one, and just knowing i can is a big relief... have u spoken to your consultant?
Did u know your waters had gone with maeve?
I willl keep everything crossed for u that your blob will be a healthy baby in 4 weeks time xxx have to admit i would be getting a private scan tho' :blush: i don't think i would stay sane in a month of uncertainty :hugs: really isn't on XXX


----------



## iloveblue

Oh Maevesmummy - I'm sorry you've been going through this. x

You say you were measuring 7.5-8 weeks at your first scan - if you take the lower bound of that, the 7.5 weeks then there has been some growth in 10 days. I know its hard but try to stay positive.
I do think it's harsh that they are making you wait another month for a scan. I've heard about lots of cases where a 2nd empty sac has been found and the first one develops normally. I don't know why they couldn't have explained this to you.
I think I would also book a private scan - somewhere where they might actually treat you with some compassion.
Thinking of you - how are you feeling physically?


----------



## MaevesMummy

Thanks both. Physically I am tiered, I think I might be a tad depressed as well. Maybe hormonal? I just want to lay in bed and cry!
The sickness has virtually gone which makes me nervous... I thhink Id rather be hugging the toilet 24 hours a day...
Thanks for your kind words. I am sure it will be ok. I just het this gut wrenching feeling about it. xxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs:
Your hormones will be raging and you are still grieving...:hugs: all this uncertainty will not be helping!!! take care XXX :friends:


----------



## Suze

Big :hugs: MaevesMummy, sorry to hear you firstly had a tough time again with the hospital itself :dohh:
I'm sorry you also didn't get the reassurances from the scan you so needed too, maybe if there had been an additional sac ie. a vanishing twin then that could account for the slower growth of this one? I think it's a bit bad they're making you wait a month for another scan, especially as you had a recent loss however and I think the however is an important thing to note, if they had major concerns they'd have had you in again without any question.

I think booking a private scan sounds like a good idea but I also think you shouldn't have to pay for one and maybe should speak to someone about getting a reassurance scan that you really deserve without having to pay for it :hugs:


----------



## Imalia

Maevesmummy. I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it, I really hope everything turns out to be OK. I'll be thinking of you over the next couple of weeks and wishing nothing but good things.

I'm surprised too they aren't going to scan you again for a month, after I lost my baby the hospital have said I can have scans more or less on demand (no more than once a week, but apart from that I can ring the epau and get a scan done whenever I feel worried or want reassurance) when I get pregnant again.


----------



## iloveblue

Good luck for tomorrow Nats xxx


----------



## babesx3

Thanks iloveblue... i'm so scared its all gonna happen again.... wish i could be knocked out for it!!!


----------



## iloveblue

Hello ladies

So glad your scan went well Nats xx :happydance:

How are you doing MaevesM?

I am utterly fed up today.
Well, I've been off work for the last few days feeling rubbish - not pregnancy related - sore throat and chesty cough.
Also got a phonecall from the consultant's secretary with an appoinment date which is .... wait for it ...... 15th March!
Another 6 weeks away - so will be almost 5 months all-in-all. I was fuming earlier and still am although I have calmed down a bit.
It is also not at our local hospital as the consultant doesn't do a gynae clinic there apparently - don't know why that makes a difference, I'm sure she could borrow someone's office for an hour.

I rang secretary back and expressed my concerns about the fact that I will be 11/12 weeks pregnant by the time appointment comes around and if there is any action I need to take now (eg take aspirin, higher does of folic acid etc) it will be too late. She said she was sorry but that was the earliest appointment available and has passed on the news of the new pregnancy to the consultant. So I then said - I'm assuming that if there was anything that I should be doing the consultant would have let me know and the secretary said yes, although I am not reassured, it felt like I was being fobbed off.

I'm not sure where to turn now - can't wait another 6 weeks to discuss my concerns, I just feel like no-one is listening to me (especially after useless GP last week) . 
Might ring up docs and get another appointment with a more sypathetic GP.
I'm just so fed up of it all, and feel like crying all the time. :sad2:


----------



## babesx3

:grr: thats riddiculous having to wait so long!!!!! i really hope that if there was something u needed to know they would of told u !!! :grr:
Must be so frustrating not having any advice..:(

How are u today?

Pregnancy hormones won't be helping , but sounds like u really need some advice...how about your MW ? maybe she can pull some strings??

:hugs: hope u are ok!! XX


----------



## iloveblue

I'm feeling calmer today - still off work with sore throat and generally feeling rubbish, which doesn't help.
I'm putting my faith in the consultant and the fact that she must have read the results properly (they have been on her desk since Monday) and decided that I don't need to be seen urgently. To me that also implies that they havn't found anything conclusive from the tests and PM.

Don't know if it would be best to try and get hold of midwife (havn't got a contact number for her yet) or make an appointment to see GP again (a different one this time)? Not sure if either of them would be able to help anyway. 

Anyway, how are you? Are you still on a high from yesterday? 
I love that pic of your little munchkin. x


----------



## Suze

I think that's disgusting that you're being made to wait til the middle of March pregnant or not :saywhat: 
I would try speaking to a GP, asking to speak to your consultant directly and even speaking to PALS. If the information is there then it's yours and you need it, they have no reason to hold on to it. I'm sure there is no reason for this pregnancy to be affected by it but reagrdless it's YOUR information! 
:grr: it makes me so angry the way women are treated sometimes. Take it higher I say!!!


----------



## iloveblue

Thanks Suze - I did consider contacting PALs actually, have their number written on a piece of paper in front of me, but wasn't sure if they would take me seriously/think I was overeacting. Don't really know much about them - is this the kind of thing they deal with?

Anyway, enough of my moaning, how are you?


----------



## babesx3

Thanks iloveblue
i'd give them a ring it really is riddiculous how long u are having to wait!!

yeah still kinda happy..:)

Its charlies due date tomorrow so feeling a bit weird too... been to my mums today who doesn't metion him and she even asked me the date and i said its the 3rd she said are u sure i thought it was 4th!!! :grr: i'm sure i said and said nothing else..she has no idea about his due date or care..:( after i'd been swimming i mentioned it was his due date tomorrow and we were out for the day, no comment..kinda upset by her... :( i didn;t say anything tho' whats the point :shrug: can't make someone care who doesn't .


----------



## Suze

Give PALS a ring for sure, they are there for patients needs and it's worth a try for starters! I think it would be a different matter if they didn't have the information yet but they do...to be honest hypothetically if you requested your medical notes (I'm not suggesting you do because it would be better to be seen by your consultant) you'd find out quicker than waiting until this appointment :dohh: Good luck hun :hugs:
I'm OKish, a lot going on for me at the moment, all fall-out from whats happened x2 over the last 6 months :dohh:


----------



## MaevesMummy

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
iloveblue, thats so harsh I just dont think they understand sorry you have had to wait so long...
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Thanks Suze - I did consider contacting PALs actually, have their number written on a piece of paper in front of me, but wasn't sure if they would take me seriously/think I was overeacting. Don't really know much about them - is this the kind of thing they deal with?
> 
> Anyway, enough of my moaning, how are you?

PAL's are great they will deal with it there and then. You should have had the consultation 3 months after. xxxxxxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> Thanks iloveblue
> i'd give them a ring it really is riddiculous how long u are having to wait!!
> 
> yeah still kinda happy..:)
> 
> Its charlies due date tomorrow so feeling a bit weird too... been to my mums today who doesn't metion him and she even asked me the date and i said its the 3rd she said are u sure i thought it was 4th!!! :grr: i'm sure i said and said nothing else..she has no idea about his due date or care..:( after i'd been swimming i mentioned it was his due date tomorrow and we were out for the day, no comment..kinda upset by her... :( i didn;t say anything tho' whats the point :shrug: can't make someone care who doesn't .

Maybe she just pushed it to the back of her head. Some people cant grieve, they bury thier head. 
You need to concentrate on you though. Sometimes its not worth the stress of pointing out to someone they are doing wrong.
I will be thining of you and little charlie.
Lots of love and hugs tommorow xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> iloveblue, thats so harsh I just dont think they understand sorry you have had to wait so long...
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thanks MaevesM - how are you doing?


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Thanks iloveblue
> i'd give them a ring it really is riddiculous how long u are having to wait!!
> 
> yeah still kinda happy..:)
> 
> Its charlies due date tomorrow so feeling a bit weird too... been to my mums today who doesn't metion him and she even asked me the date and i said its the 3rd she said are u sure i thought it was 4th!!! :grr: i'm sure i said and said nothing else..she has no idea about his due date or care..:( after i'd been swimming i mentioned it was his due date tomorrow and we were out for the day, no comment..kinda upset by her... :( i didn;t say anything tho' whats the point :shrug: can't make someone care who doesn't .

My mum has also wound me up recently - we recently found out that my brother and his partner are expecting twins. They announced it at the start of Jan and we were of course, very excited and happy for them (although I did shed a tear with DH when we found out). 
Just after we announced our good news (about 3 wks later) my brother was chatting to my Mum when she said 'Do you feel like Kim (my name) is stealing your thunder?' !!!

How on earth could she say such a thing when we should be having a baby in 5 weeks. My brother let it slip by accident and I couldn't stop crying (a slight overeaction due to hormones) but I felt (and still do ) very betrayed by her. We don't have a great relationship anyway - but I couldn't bring myself to speak to her for a few days after. I still havn't broached it with her - but I need to.

Anyway, will be thinking of you tomorrow Nats. 
Hope the day goes gently and you have some lovely family time xxx


----------



## babesx3

Thanks iloveblue (do u mind if i call u kim then??) :friends:

my relationship with my mum is dodgy too...i havn't the strength for a fall out, so i will say nothing... u are right its between me and dh and kids..

Had a good cry last night and feel teary this am, i guess it'll be a hard day... will try hard for the kids to keep it together...
sleep tight baby charlie :kiss:


----------



## Suze

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Babes and lots of floaty :kiss::kiss::kiss: :kiss: to Charlie


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Thanks iloveblue (do u mind if i call u kim then??) :friends:
> 
> my relationship with my mum is dodgy too...i havn't the strength for a fall out, so i will say nothing... u are right its between me and dh and kids..
> 
> Had a good cry last night and feel teary this am, i guess it'll be a hard day... will try hard for the kids to keep it together...
> sleep tight baby charlie :kiss:

No, i don't mind if you call me Kim. :friends:

How did your day go on Friday? How are you feeling now?

I've had a very sore back and just been absolutely exhausted over the last few days. Woke up this morning feelng really sick. All good signs I suppose.

Just seen the sad, sad news about Amanda Holden - my heart goes out to her and her family. How heartbreaking for them - she had an early miscarriage a few years ago too :cry:


----------



## babesx3

All good signs Kim!! :thumbup:
I was so sad yest about Amanda..brings it back doesn't it :(

Friday was lovely with the kids, i cried a lot on thurs pm, then was pretty much bumbled along with the kids during the day..we went to church and prayed together for charlie and mini B. Then went swimming, out for lunch and then soft play.... lit charlies candle in the evening, was to windy (and stilll is) to send up lantern...

18 weeks today.... i'm so scared all the time the baby is going to die, and i don't know that he has :( I have a scan tomorrow so FX all is still ok..... then its 3 weeks till the next one..really hoping i get some definate kicks by then i still get is it isn't it movement..
they will also confirm for me if baby is a boy or not....

how is everyone else??


----------



## iloveblue

Good luck for scan tomorrow Nats - try and stay positive, I'm sure he is absolutely fine. I know its hard - I'm finding it tough already and I'm nowhere near that worrying time. xxx

I just pulled out address book and found our last baby's 12 wk scan photo - I knew it was in there, my MIL hid it there when we were in hospital. But I havn't been able to face looking at it. So now I'm feeling sad :cry:

How are you doing MaevesM?


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: iloveblue... is that the last live pic u have? i know i found charlies 10+ week one upsetting as was the only live pic i had of him:( :hugs: 
when do u get your first scan?

Maeves m how are u getting on?

Immalia how are you?


----------



## Imalia

Had a bit of a rough weekend thinking about my angel, but I'm mostly doing OK. 

Don't know why, but I had one of those it all just hit me again moments last night, right after we bd, talk about a mood killer  Maybe it has something to do withthe fact I'm very aware that if I get my bfp this month I'll have virtually identical (couple of days out) dates as I did last year with our angel and that's kind of been freaking me out a bit.

On a more positive note, it was my birthday last week, DH suprised me with by fixing up my old electric guitar that's been in the cupboard for a couple of years, so we've been rocking out and pissing off the neighbours  We're going to a concert in a couple of weeks and I'm starting to get pretty excited about that, I joke to DH that if the bass player asked me, I'd throw him over in a heartbeat lol.


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> :hugs: iloveblue... is that the last live pic u have? i know i found charlies 10+ week one upsetting as was the only live pic i had of him:( :hugs:
> when do u get your first scan?
> 
> Maeves m how are u getting on?
> 
> Immalia how are you?

Yes, it is the only live pic I have, as only had one scan at 12 weeks. We never made it to the 20 week scan, which was booked in for a week after we lost the baby. I always wonder if the baby hadn't died when it did - if something might have been picked up at 20 wk scan, but that would have been worse in a way.

Not sure what's happening with regards to scans this time -I'm not overly concerned about having an early one. 
I would like extra ones around the 16-20 week mark and I will be pushing for this when I see my midwife and consultant, even if is only for reassurance. The consultant did say we could have extra scans at this stage when I mentioned it in the hospital (goodness knows how I managed to think ahead and ask all the questions I did at the time!) so it should be okay.


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Had a bit of a rough weekend thinking about my angel, but I'm mostly doing OK.
> 
> Don't know why, but I had one of those it all just hit me again moments last night, right after we bd, talk about a mood killer  Maybe it has something to do withthe fact I'm very aware that if I get my bfp this month I'll have virtually identical (couple of days out) dates as I did last year with our angel and that's kind of been freaking me out a bit.
> 
> On a more positive note, it was my birthday last week, DH suprised me with by fixing up my old electric guitar that's been in the cupboard for a couple of years, so we've been rocking out and pissing off the neighbours  We're going to a concert in a couple of weeks and I'm starting to get pretty excited about that, I joke to DH that if the bass player asked me, I'd throw him over in a heartbeat lol.

Sorry you've had a rough weekend Imalia - that was a lovely thing for your DH to do.
What concert are you going to see?


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> :hugs: iloveblue... is that the last live pic u have? i know i found charlies 10+ week one upsetting as was the only live pic i had of him:( :hugs:
> when do u get your first scan?
> 
> Maeves m how are u getting on?
> 
> Immalia how are you?
> 
> Yes, it is the only live pic I have, as only had one scan at 12 weeks. We never made it to the 20 week scan, which was booked in for a week after we lost the baby. I always wonder if the baby hadn't died when it did - if something might have been picked up at 20 wk scan, but that would have been worse in a way.
> 
> Not sure what's happening with regards to scans this time -I'm not overly concerned about having an early one.
> I would like extra ones around the 16-20 week mark and I will be pushing for this when I see my midwife and consultant, even if is only for reassurance. The consultant did say we could have extra scans at this stage when I mentioned it in the hospital (goodness knows how I managed to think ahead and ask all the questions I did at the time!) so it should be okay.Click to expand...

:hugs: i know how u feel we only had the one scan too :( so many questions and what ifs!!


----------



## babesx3

Imalia said:


> Had a bit of a rough weekend thinking about my angel, but I'm mostly doing OK.
> 
> Don't know why, but I had one of those it all just hit me again moments last night, right after we bd, talk about a mood killer  Maybe it has something to do withthe fact I'm very aware that if I get my bfp this month I'll have virtually identical (couple of days out) dates as I did last year with our angel and that's kind of been freaking me out a bit.
> 
> On a more positive note, it was my birthday last week, DH suprised me with by fixing up my old electric guitar that's been in the cupboard for a couple of years, so we've been rocking out and pissing off the neighbours  We're going to a concert in a couple of weeks and I'm starting to get pretty excited about that, I joke to DH that if the bass player asked me, I'd throw him over in a heartbeat lol.

:hugs:


----------



## Imalia

We're going to see a band called The Crave, they're kind of obscure and not well known, in fact this is their first headline tour. I pretty much adopted one of their songs when the album came out just after we lost our angel it just seemed to fit how I felt so completely. Anyway here's a youtube video of them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfJo2QnEXmI


----------



## iloveblue

Oooh, I quite like them Imalia. Not my usual kind of thing - but that song is quite catchy. Hope you have a fab time - you need to relax and let your hair down. xx


----------



## babesx3

Maeves mummy how areyou? thinking about you and hoping youare ok!! :hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Maeves mummy how areyou? thinking about you and hoping youare ok!! :hugs:

Yes me too - hope you're okay xx


----------



## Imalia

iloveblue said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> Maeves mummy how areyou? thinking about you and hoping youare ok!! :hugs:
> 
> Yes me too - hope you're okay xxClick to expand...

Make that me three, been worrying about you since your last post.


----------



## MaevesMummy

Sorry I havent been on for a while:wacko:
I have been feeling a bit mental. No longer worried about miscarrying. Haveing absolute nightmares about pPROM'ing and bleeding again. 
I know its daft and they are only dreams but it really is scary! I hope everyone else is well. I dont want to come on here being really negative thats all...
Also saw a counsellor today and he called Maeve a miscarriage! I cam close to walking out. :shrug: I allready told him I have issues with that word anyway, but actually pfficially, she was neonatal death...
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr 
I think my hormones have made me a monster this week! x


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Had a bit of a rough weekend thinking about my angel, but I'm mostly doing OK.
> 
> Don't know why, but I had one of those it all just hit me again moments last night, right after we bd, talk about a mood killer  Maybe it has something to do withthe fact I'm very aware that if I get my bfp this month I'll have virtually identical (couple of days out) dates as I did last year with our angel and that's kind of been freaking me out a bit.
> 
> On a more positive note, it was my birthday last week, DH suprised me with by fixing up my old electric guitar that's been in the cupboard for a couple of years, so we've been rocking out and pissing off the neighbours  We're going to a concert in a couple of weeks and I'm starting to get pretty excited about that, I joke to DH that if the bass player asked me, I'd throw him over in a heartbeat lol.

I frequently sobbed after bd'ing. Its emotional. :hugs:
It sounds like you had a great birthday, it sound like it was just what you needed! xxxxxx
Hoping for you Imalia. xxxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> Sorry I havent been on for a while:wacko:
> I have been feeling a bit mental. No longer worried about miscarrying. Haveing absolute nightmares about pPROM'ing and bleeding again.
> I know its daft and they are only dreams but it really is scary! I hope everyone else is well. I dont want to come on here being really negative thats all...
> Also saw a counsellor today and he called Maeve a miscarriage! I cam close to walking out. :shrug: I allready told him I have issues with that word anyway, but actually pfficially, she was neonatal death...
> Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
> I think my hormones have made me a monster this week! x

Good to hear from you MaevesM.
I can't believe your counsellor said that - how insensitive and just plainly wrong. xx


----------



## Suze

I'm pleased to hear from you too maevesmummy, was worrying. I'm pleased you are getting some support too, even thoughj they might not be getting it right, hmmm miscarriage?! Yeah not quite right at all but I think people do get the terminology wrong, don't blame you one bit for wanting to walk out. Are you going to continue with the counselling? I hope it will help. 

We've just started couples counselling, I'm waiting for my date with the womens health psychologist, my partner is now living away from us and we're in negotiations and conflict about future ttc, it's all so so difficult. We've come to a compromise, although I don't want to be in a compromise situation, I want the 2 babies I've lost


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: Suze lifes so unfair :(
I really hope the couples councelling does the trick and next year you'll have your forever baby :friends:

Maevesmummy so glad u are ok..:friends: how long is it till your next scan?


----------



## MaevesMummy

Suze said:


> I'm pleased to hear from you too maevesmummy, was worrying. I'm pleased you are getting some support too, even thoughj they might not be getting it right, hmmm miscarriage?! Yeah not quite right at all but I think people do get the terminology wrong, don't blame you one bit for wanting to walk out. Are you going to continue with the counselling? I hope it will help.
> 
> We've just started couples counselling, I'm waiting for my date with the womens health psychologist, my partner is now living away from us and we're in negotiations and conflict about future ttc, it's all so so difficult. We've come to a compromise, although I don't want to be in a compromise situation, I want the 2 babies I've lost

Ah Suze, thats so hard. I can not imagine the pain of going through this twice, and then having to deal with this. You must remain positive (I know rich coming from me...) Coples counselling often works. The trouble with Men is their thinking is sooooo different from Women. Often they are just unable to see things from our point of veiw.
I wish you all the luck in the works, and hope things get easier for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

Suze said:


> I'm pleased to hear from you too maevesmummy, was worrying. I'm pleased you are getting some support too, even thoughj they might not be getting it right, hmmm miscarriage?! Yeah not quite right at all but I think people do get the terminology wrong, don't blame you one bit for wanting to walk out. Are you going to continue with the counselling? I hope it will help.
> 
> We've just started couples counselling, I'm waiting for my date with the womens health psychologist, my partner is now living away from us and we're in negotiations and conflict about future ttc, it's all so so difficult. We've come to a compromise, although I don't want to be in a compromise situation, I want the 2 babies I've lost

Oh Suze - things must be so hard for you at the moment. Thinking of you x


----------



## babesx3

morning girls! :friends:
how are you all?


----------



## iloveblue

Hi Nats
I'm okay thanks. 
Still not feeling pregnant - no sickness, just very tired.
I'm trying not to worry about it at the moment and it is still early days.

I've got appointments through for booking-in (6th March) and 12 week scan (25th March), so along with consultants appt (15th March), March is going to be a busy month!

How are you?


----------



## babesx3

ooo thats good you got your appointments thru!!:) did u not get sickness with your other kids?
I'm ok at mo.. seem to have panics every few days baby is gonna die , but seem to be getting more positive..:thumbup: still frightened to death this baby will die , but i have to try not think about it!!..not so easy ...
seeing MW for first time on fri..hoping she'll doppler to check on mini b... starting to feel more movement which is good...


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Hi Nats
> I'm okay thanks.
> Still not feeling pregnant - no sickness, just very tired.
> I'm trying not to worry about it at the moment and it is still early days.
> 
> I've got appointments through for booking-in (6th March) and 12 week scan (25th March), so along with consultants appt (15th March), March is going to be a busy month!
> 
> How are you?

Hi iloveblue...
I ddnt get any symptoms untill 7ish weeks! Try not to worry too much. Have they offered you an early scan at 7/8 weeks? 
xxxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

babesx3 said:


> ooo thats good you got your appointments thru!!:) did u not get sickness with your other kids?
> I'm ok at mo.. seem to have panics every few days baby is gonna die , but seem to be getting more positive..:thumbup: still frightened to death this baby will die , but i have to try not think about it!!..not so easy ...
> seeing MW for first time on fri..hoping she'll doppler to check on mini b... starting to feel more movement which is good...

Thats great you are feeling movement. The MW picked Maeve up at 14 weeks I think so you should be able to listen in. Maeve used to kick the doppler, she hated it. xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

thanks Maeves mummy..how are you? when is your scan? how are u feeling now? :hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> ooo thats good you got your appointments thru!!:) did u not get sickness with your other kids?
> I'm ok at mo.. seem to have panics every few days baby is gonna die , but seem to be getting more positive..:thumbup: still frightened to death this baby will die , but i have to try not think about it!!..not so easy ...
> seeing MW for first time on fri..hoping she'll doppler to check on mini b... starting to feel more movement which is good...

I did have sickness with all my previous pregnancies - I was never actually sick, just had all-day nausea.
And I'm pretty sure it had kicked in by now - which is why I've been worrying. 
But all pregnancies are different as I keep reading - and there is a possibility that my dates are out a bit.

Glad you're feeling movement - that must be reassuring xx


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hi Nats
> I'm okay thanks.
> Still not feeling pregnant - no sickness, just very tired.
> I'm trying not to worry about it at the moment and it is still early days.
> 
> I've got appointments through for booking-in (6th March) and 12 week scan (25th March), so along with consultants appt (15th March), March is going to be a busy month!
> 
> How are you?
> 
> Hi iloveblue...
> I ddnt get any symptoms untill 7ish weeks! Try not to worry too much. Have they offered you an early scan at 7/8 weeks?
> xxxxxxClick to expand...

I havn't been offered an early scan - but if I'm still worrying next week, I might ring midwife/EPU and see if they can do one.

How are you?


----------



## BabyBoyle

Hi ladies just popping in to wish you all luck in TTC and your current pregnancies. I'm dying inside and feel empty, longing for another baby so badly, not to replace Madison at all and i feel deep guilt for even thinking it :(

Just hope she can have a little brother or sister soon xxx


----------



## iloveblue

Hi Babyboyle
I remember feeling exactly the same why just after we lost our baby. I was desperate for another baby to begin with and the guilt never really goes away. 
It does get easier though, I promise - be gentle on yourself. 
Have you got lots of support? xx


----------



## BabyBoyle

Yeah, was doing ok but bad tonight, was in labour this time last week and in 1hr 19min she was here :( 

How long did you wait? Xx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: just replied to your thread....
how u feel is completely normal and exactly how i felt..:hugs:
I was completely desperate to get pregnant again, and i felt guilty as anything for thinking that and extreemly guilty for concieving so quickly..:cry:
i concieved 6 weeks after i gave birth...
its and emotional rollercoaster :hugs: :cry: still is... just gets different..


----------



## iloveblue

BabyBoyle said:


> Yeah, was doing ok but bad tonight, was in labour this time last week and in 1hr 19min she was here :(
> 
> How long did you wait? Xx

We were told to wait for at least one cycle - we havn't had any of the blood test or post mortem results yet, but they seemed pretty convinced it was just a one off as I've had two successful pregnancies.

We conceived after two cycles of trying, about 3 months after losing our baby.

Did your consultant give you any advice about TTC again?

You must still be feeling very raw. I remember that feeling like yesterday - wish I could give you a hug xx


----------



## Imalia

We didn't wait at all really, didn't use contraception at all after our angel was born, but we didn't really start trying until about three months after.


----------



## BabyBoyle

No babe no advice on when to ttc or even dtd. Baby died as complications from turners so they said it was most likely a one off. I hope to God I never have to go through that again, and would not wish it upon anyone. Obviously had to give birth to her & am still bleeding, so assuming that a cycle is going to be a while to wait anyway.

Xxx


----------



## Suze

Hi sorry to hear about your little girl, it really is the real meaning of being empty isn't it? 
We were advised to wait a cycle but more importantly to wait until we were emotionally ready, which I felt very soon. I fell pregnant also quite soon but unfortunately lost again at 11 weeks. And again I wanted to get ttc again straight away bur unfortunately my oh and I now have differing opinions on it which is killing me. 
Good luck with whatever you decide! :hugs:


----------



## BabyBoyle

:( Best of luck with this Suze, horrible way to feel :( xxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

So sorry to hear of your loss BabyBoyle :cry: Madison is a beautiful name, it was on my list :hugs:

Please don't feel guilty about wanting another baby so soon. After i lost Freya i felt a huge pressure to get pregnant again ASAP. I was lucky and conceived after just 2 months, but unfortunately lost that one too at nearly 18 weeks. I am desperate to try again but am still waiting for my first period since the loss 15 weeks ago! 

My only advice around TTC after a loss is to make sure you are emotionally ready :hugs: I remember those early days after i had Freya, and they are hard. I hope you have a lot of support around you xxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Well its clear I am not going to get it easy. I had a bleed last night, blood stained mucus. Am 12+2 I think, it might be nothing but my experiences of bleeding have only ever been bad, miscarriage and pPROM. Thank god it stopped this morning so I could take my clexane. Scan at 2pm xxx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: maeves mummy..u must be so worried..will have everything crossed for u and your baby ...:friends: good luck XXXX


i've just been to see MW..was getting myself in a tiz again..:blush: it seems every few days i start to doubt everything and start prepparing myself baby has died :( anyway MW put my mind at rest and thankfully found HB ..phew.... this PAL is nerve wracking!!! :wacko:


----------



## iloveblue

Good luck with scan MaevesM - thinking of you, and hoping all is well xxx

Glad you had some reassurance from midwife Nats.x
It is hard isn't it. I'm actually feeling a bit more positive at the moment - suddenly noticed yesterday that I have a bump! 
Already - I'm not even 8 weeks yet! So that has made me feel like I really am pregnant - as I'm still not feeling sick.
Also POAS again this morning and got a nice strong line.

Hope everyone else is well xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> BabyBoyle said:
> 
> 
> Yeah, was doing ok but bad tonight, was in labour this time last week and in 1hr 19min she was here :(
> 
> How long did you wait? Xx
> 
> We were told to wait for at least one cycle - we havn't had any of the blood test or post mortem results yet, but they seemed pretty convinced it was just a one off as I've had two successful pregnancies.
> 
> We conceived after two cycles of trying, about 3 months after losing our baby.
> 
> Did your consultant give you any advice about TTC again?
> 
> You must still be feeling very raw. I remember that feeling like yesterday - wish I could give you a hug xxClick to expand...

Baby boyle same for us, 3 months after, I guess this must be how long roughly it takes for your body to recover. It is hard on the emotions though so you have to go with your heart xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Thank god! As if to say silly mummy baby danced flipped and did the moon walk whilst I was being scanned. Might just be the UTI i have been taking antibiotics for since last frinday... hope no more bleeding everything crossed.
Am the 12 weeks I thought I was too xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

:yipee:
thats fantastic news !!!!! :) so pleased for u !! :friends:


----------



## iloveblue

Lovely news MaevesM - so pleased xxx


----------



## iloveblue

Well, my worst fears are being confirmed. I'm bleeding.
Started last night with some spotting - then stopped and started again this morning.
I just know it's all over - I can feel it.
EPU doesn't open till 9.30 so will ring them then.
It explains the lack of sickness anyway.

I had a bit of a mini panic attack, when it started last night. But I'm okay now - just glad its happening to early on.

It does worry me though, that there is something preventing me from having a successful pregnancy. It can&#8217;t be coincidence.


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: o no ilove blue....:( i so hope its not, is it heavy bleeding? massive hugs, i'm so so sorry this is happening, hope they will see u straight away..:hugs:


----------



## babesx3

Have u bled in previous pregnancys? or have u done anything..like sex that may cause sklight bleeding but not neccessarily miscarriage? i have everything crossed its just spotting and not miscarriage XXXXXX


----------



## iloveblue

I've never bled before in pregnancy - its not heavy, just there when I wipe, but it is red blood. 
I think it is more than spotting - have had a few periody type cramps, nothing major.
AF was due yesterday and last night I was trying to convince myself that it was just down to that - but I'm sure its bad news.


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: after losing a baby its only natural to think the worst and prepare yourself for bad news....i'm sure you've read lots of stories in first tri about ladies that bleed and all is ok... i am so hoping that its a good news story.. but i completely understand u needing to prepare yourself for the worst cenario,,... i guess at this point it go either way ...seems a long time to wait till 9.30am...i really hope they get u in this am!!! :friends:


----------



## iloveblue

Well, the EPU weren't particularly helpful. They only deal with pregnancies of 16 weeks onwards and said I need to ring my GP who will refer me for a scan. When I reminded her that doctor's surgery is not open today she told me to ring NHS direct, or ring GP in the morning. But if bleeding gets heavy, pain gets unbearable to go to A+E. 
Doesn't seem like a very good system to me - especially as they must get so many ladies ringing up with early miscarriages.
I am just going to see what happens over the course of the day - the pain seems to be getting worse, but its still bearable.

I am 99% certain it is a miscarriage - you just know, I think.

Hope everyone else is ok xxx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: that is rubbish they won't just scan so u know where u are up to..:(
scarey as well , when u don't know whats happening.... :hugs:


----------



## Suze

iloveblue :hugs: I'm thinking of you and hope everything is OK. It's awful too that you're having difficulty in being seen, I hope this changes and you do get seen to know whats goin on :hugs:


----------



## Suze

MM so pleased to hear that baby co-operated nicely for you...I hope you're relaxing a bit into the pregnancy now? Although the legacy of loss never leaves us. Time for a pregnancy ticker?


----------



## iloveblue

Suze said:


> iloveblue :hugs: I'm thinking of you and hope everything is OK. It's awful too that you're having difficulty in being seen, I hope this changes and you do get seen to know whats goin on :hugs:

Thanks Suze
I'm just waiting for GP to ring me back to organise a scan (I hope). Its just a formality really as I know its gone.

Had a horrible night last night - cramping and passing lots of blood and clots. But cramps are gone this morning, and the bleeding is much lighter - so it seems the worst is over.

How are you?


----------



## Suze

Oh god :hugs::hugs::hugs: I'm so sorry and I do so hope you are wrong but I do know what you mean about 'just knowing'. I hope they get you in soon for a scan :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

massive :hugs: iloveblue..:( so so sorry :hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

I saw a lovely GP today who then referred me for a scan at the EPAS. They did a pregnancy test first (they don't scan if it comes up negative) and it came up positive straight away.
Had to have a trans-vaginal scan which I was dreading but it was fine and it showed my uterus was completly empty. 
I saw this as good news (I was pretty sure I'd already passed the embryo last night) as it meant I didn't have to have an ERPC. I then had a chat with a lovely nurse. I have to POAS again in two weeks to make sure its negative - to rule out an ectopic. 

I actually feel well and positive at the moment - I may come crashing down again in a day or two, but I'm ok at the moment.

Both the GP and the nurse said that the losses are not linked. An early loss and a late loss are very different things medically and could not be caused by the same problem. That made me feel better. They also said that it wasn't caused by getting pregnant again so quickly - that is a myth apparently.

I actually felt that they listened to me today, and that really helped. We have decided we will try again in 3 months. I just don't think I could cope with another loss in the immediate future.
I'm also looking forward for a few months of not being pregnant or trying to get pregnant - I just want to switch off from it all.

I feel proud of my body in a way - that my instincts were right again, and that my body knew something was wrong and dealt with in the most efficient way.


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: oooo iloveblue i am so so sorry !!! :hugs: u are being very brave:hugs:
u are right tho' your body did the right thing and hopefully it will make it easier to TTC in the future, whenever u feel ready to go for it..... u may surprise yourself and not want to wait 3 months..but understand the need for a break from all the worry :friends: XXXX


----------



## Suze

I'm so so sorry iloveblue but it sounds like you are being very pragmatic about the whole thing. Take care of yourself over the next few days though :hugs: 
Knowing your body is a very special thing and I know you 'just know'. I'm pleased too that you have no medical procedures or anything to go through. I did wonder after my last loss about it being linked with being so soon after the last loss but otherwise I don't think our body would get pregnant if that was the case...
I'm sorry if I missed ot but did you actually get the results from your last loss?

Big :hugs: to you


----------



## iloveblue

Suze said:


> Oh god :hugs::hugs::hugs: I'm so sorry and I do so hope you are wrong but I do know what you mean about 'just knowing'. I hope they get you in soon for a scan :hugs:

Thanks Suze
I know you have been through this too x
Did your doctor say anything about a 'link' or 'no link' between your two losses?


----------



## iloveblue

Suze said:


> I'm so so sorry iloveblue but it sounds like you are being very pragmatic about the whole thing. Take care of yourself over the next few days though :hugs:
> Knowing your body is a very special thing and I know you 'just know'. I'm pleased too that you have no medical procedures or anything to go through. I did wonder after my last loss about it being linked with being so soon after the last loss but otherwise I don't think our body would get pregnant if that was the case...
> I'm sorry if I missed ot but did you actually get the results from your last loss?
> 
> Big :hugs: to you

We have an appointment with the consultant on March 15th regarding our first loss.


----------



## Suze

My doctor suspected no link whatsoever. With Joe, his condition was so specific and random and carried no increased risk for the future. This last loss should have been tested but wasn't so I'll never know. All I do know is that due to quite a bit of bleeding I had weekly scans and so saw that the growth slowed down before miscarrying - my consultant said this is probably the typical case in an early mc it's just that I had seen it happen on a weekly basis. 
I was told the most important bit of info is actually the fact I have carried a baby to term and delivered no problem, same for you I believe. I was told as crappy as it sounds that it's probably just a case of bad luck :shrug: -that doesn't feel particularly helpful when you're upset and just had 2 close together losses but I suppose it could be a lot worse.
:hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

Suze said:


> My doctor suspected no link whatsoever. With Joe, his condition was so specific and random and carried no increased risk for the future. This last loss should have been tested but wasn't so I'll never know. All I do know is that due to quite a bit of bleeding I had weekly scans and so saw that the growth slowed down before miscarrying - my consultant said this is probably the typical case in an early mc it's just that I had seen it happen on a weekly basis.
> I was told the most important bit of info is actually the fact I have carried a baby to term and delivered no problem, same for you I believe. I was told as crappy as it sounds that it's probably just a case of bad luck :shrug: -that doesn't feel particularly helpful when you're upset and just had 2 close together losses but I suppose it could be a lot worse.
> :hugs:

Yes, bad luck is exactly what the nurse said to me today. And yes, I have had two successful pregnancies. 

Third time lucky for both of us I say x


----------



## Suze

It is bad, in early pregnancy obviously there's a 1 in 4 chance of mc so I suppose someone has to be in that percentage to actually make it up. I think after 12 weeks it's something like 1 in 200, again someone has to be that 1 and unfortunately we, and the other ladies here have been that '1' :hugs:
I can't believe it has taken so long for the first appointment to come through!


----------



## babesx3

I agree u have had to wait far too long for answers iloveblue...
and i also strongly agree it will be 3rd time lucky for u two!! !!!!:) :friends:


----------



## iloveblue

Just seen your news Suze - congratulations!
Definitely will be 3rd time lucky for you this time x


----------



## Suze

Thank you :hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Suze said:
> 
> 
> iloveblue :hugs: I'm thinking of you and hope everything is OK. It's awful too that you're having difficulty in being seen, I hope this changes and you do get seen to know whats goin on :hugs:
> 
> Thanks Suze
> I'm just waiting for GP to ring me back to organise a scan (I hope). Its just a formality really as I know its gone.
> 
> Had a horrible night last night - cramping and passing lots of blood and clots. But cramps are gone this morning, and the bleeding is much lighter - so it seems the worst is over.
> 
> How are you?Click to expand...

iloveblue I am so sorry its something you hope to never find :hugs::hugs::hugs:
I cant imagine how you must be feeling at the moment. Sendinyg you lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Iloveblue, i'm so so sorry :hugs: xxxxx

Maevesmummy i'm pleased that everything was ok for you hun :hugs:

Nothing new here, STILL no period since my second loss. Am getting unbelievably pissed off and feel so angry with my body. I've got my first counselling session on Monday, i'm really looking forward to it. I know i will get very emotional talking about my miscarriages to a complete stranger, but i need some help right now, i'm struggling big time.

xx


----------



## Imalia

iloveblue, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, how heartbreaking for you. Will be thinking of you in the coming days/weeks and hoping everything works out for you next time.

I haven't been around the last week, been away for the most amazing break. Spent time with friends, a little retail therapy, awesome concert and a new tattoo. It's almost a let down to be back home and in the real world again lol.


----------



## babesx3

Just popping in to see how u are iloveblue? :hugs: hope u are ok!!?? XXXX :friends:


----------



## iloveblue

I'm okay thanks Nats
Had a pretty rubbish day yesterday - felt very emotional and hopeless, but feeling a bit better today.
I'm going to take a break from here for a few weeks - will be back to let you know how we get on at our consultants appointment on March 15th.
Hope everyone is well and speak to you soon x


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: I understand u needing a break... will miss you !! :friends: good luck on march 15th hope it goes well !! :hugs:


----------



## Suze

Take good care of yourself iloveblue, I can understand your need for a break but you know where we all are :hugs:


----------



## MissMaternal

Can totally understand you needed a break...:hugs: look after yourself, will be thinking of you on March 15th :flower:

A bit of good news for me at last, i got AF today, after 16 long weeks! I've never been so glad to have a period in all my life :rofl:

Hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## Suze

Wow MissM what a horrible long wait for you but I suppose you're 'glad' to feel a bit back to 'normal' now...it's bittersweet isn't it?! :hugs:


----------



## MissMaternal

Suze said:


> Wow MissM what a horrible long wait for you but I suppose you're 'glad' to feel a bit back to 'normal' now...it's bittersweet isn't it?! :hugs:

Yeah, bittersweet describes it perfectly! xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Take care ilove blue, understand this too, I try not to come on here when I am feeling too down. Its rather selfish but it pains me to see so many lovely ladies going through this. The number of new people arriving recently makes me sad.

Missmaternal that must have been a long wait its a good sign that your body is returning to "normality" Lots of love as no doubt it will be hard although you are glad to be having a period!
Suze I feel like I missed something! Do i detect a congrats are in order?
Nats I hope you are well, Imalia, its great to hear you are treating yourself, you really deserve to be spoilt.
Lots of love to everyone else! I should try to get on here more often.
Had a scan today, had another bleed yesterday but didnt bother going in, it was blod stained mucus when I wiped (TMI) but all ok at scan. 13 weeks +1 couldnt do the Nuchal fold mesurement as spud wouldnt move- awkward! :) as I have had some bleeds have another consultant appt in 2 weeks. Trying to talk them into putting me on prooestrogen pessaries... they keep saying nothing can be done untill 16 weeks.
xxxxxxx


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## babesx3

Glad to hear all well Maeves Mummy..... Fx the bleeding will pass..:hugs: hopefully consultant will help....

All ok with me so far..been to see MW today... she found HB no probs,,bp good...so just looking forward to anomolly scan next week..hoping it will go ok...nervously feeling optomistic... feeling mini B moving lots now so thats really helping me ..


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## Suze

Glad to hear your scan was ok MM, it's such a pain when you have a bleed. Are you having bloods done at 16 weeks as well as your nuchal scan? Do you think you'll get the progesterone pessaries, I've not really heard of them but might look into it. 
Yes I got a quite unexpected bfp on Tuesday, quite scared and wondering what this bfp will bring!

Great to hear your midwife appt was good nats, it's flying over now for you!


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## babesx3

Morning Girls!!!
How are you all??
Hoping we have some BFP new soon! :hugs:

Maevesmummy how are u and your bump doing? hoping all ok!!!

well i had my anomolly scan yesterday , all looking ok so far FX... been having some low abdominal pain which has worried me , but they can't find any cause..
need to go back next tues as could see heart chambers due to me weeing before scan :dohh:


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## Tesharika

Hi Ladies.
I lost my son Sawyer at 22 weeks + 4 days, I went into labor due to cervical incomptence and he died shortly after being born. I had a second pregnancy last summer and I miscarried at 8 weeks. This morning I got my :bfp: I want to be excited but I'm so scared I going to lose this one too..:(


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## Suze

Hello tesharika and congrats on your :bfp: :happydance:

So sorry to hear about your son and your loss after him too. I'm in a similar situation, I lost my son Joe at 17 weeks, I then went on to get pg again but lost that pregnancy at 11 weeks but am now pregnant again. It is very scary and to be honest I kind of don't think of myself as going to have a baby, because I dont know if I will!
Do you know what additional support you'll get with this pregnancy?

Hi babes too :hi: glad mini is doing well, as you know :friends:


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## MissMaternal

Hi Tesharika, i'm so sorry to hear about your losses :hugs:

I too have lost 2 babies...one at 20 weeks and one at nearly 18 weeks. Congrats on your BFP, i really hope that somehow you can relax and enjoy the pregnancy...although i know i will feel the same as you when i get my BFP! 

Take care xx


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## babesx3

:hi: Tesharika
congrats on your BFP... :hugs: sorry for your losses.... hope this time is your for keeps baby..:friends:

Miss maternal hows the TTC going? whereabouts are u in your cycle?

Suze how are you and bump.? i know i see u in journals just don;'t like to miss u out:friends:

Imalia..long time no see how are you getting on??

Maevesmummy ..how are you?? hows bump?

Iloveblue if u pop in ..:hugs: hope u are ok!!??

and :friends: to anyone i missed sorry!! XX

I've got another scan tomorrow to check on mini B's heart so hoping all is well... hes been quieter today but i have felt some movements..been quite busy though so trying not to worry...
This pregnancy seems so long..:wacko:


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## MissMaternal

babesx3 said:


> Miss maternal hows the TTC going? whereabouts are u in your cycle?


I'm on CD 11 today, so should be ovulating in a few days hopefully! TTC is going well at the moment lol poor OH is probably quite exhausted though! The most crucial days are still to come though so i hope he's still got some energy :sex:

Trying not to put too much pressure on myself to make it happen quickly...with both my pregnancies i have fallen very soon after starting TTC, so hopefully it will be the same this time. But what will be will be...

Hope everyone is well and that those with babies on board are coping ok :hugs: xxx


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## babesx3

ooo yes he needs some energy for the :sex: a thon!!! lol.. are you doing temping or OPK's???
FX its a good month!!! :)


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## Imalia

I'm OK, been a bit busy. normally my life is so quiet and boring but there's been so much going on the past month I feel like I've hardly had time to even breathe. At least it's all positive busyness . Glad to hear everyone else is doing well too.


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## MaevesMummy

tesharika Congratulations!
Thanks Nats I am good, actually I feel really well. Last time I felt so ill probebly from blood loss. Had appt today and heard a heart beat. Actually allowing myself to feel excited! 
I was wondering how iloveblue was too. It must be really hard. Sending lots of love your way xxxxxx
Hope everyone else is ok xxxx


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## babesx3

Thats great news maevesmummy..how many weeks are you now??? u need a pregnancy ticker now!!! :)


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## jojo23

hi girls hope you dont mind me joining in... had my baby girl 3 weeks ago (MMC at 22 weeks). waiting for AF to come along now so i can TTC again. hoping it will come along in a couple of weeks as all my bleeding stopped the week after having her. hope you are all doing well gives me so much hope seeing all your threads xxx jojo


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## wish2bmum

congratulations Maevesmummy, that must have been very reassuring :)

Hi jojo, I too am waiting for af so can TTC again, the pain of loosing a child makes me long to be a mum much more, I miss my baby bump. Brought myself to watch One born Every Minute today, its been too hard to watch and I loved it when was pregnant! it was so inspirational though seeing women who have gone through several MC and giving birth to their babies, makes me long for the day I'll be blessed even more.

Just ordered some hpts as only got opks and they are negetive now but I have no idea whether this will also mean hcg is out of my system! I hope so although it pains me to say it!


----------



## babesx3

jojo23 said:


> hi girls hope you dont mind me joining in... had my baby girl 3 weeks ago (MMC at 22 weeks). waiting for AF to come along now so i can TTC again. hoping it will come along in a couple of weeks as all my bleeding stopped the week after having her. hope you are all doing well gives me so much hope seeing all your threads xxx jojo

Hi jojo..lovely to have u join the thread:flower: so sorry u lost your little girl..:hugs:
got my first AF about 4-5 weeks after i lost charlie...
FX your ttc for a really short time!! :friends:
did u concieve quickly with your baby girl?


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## babesx3

wish2bmum said:


> congratulations Maevesmummy, that must have been very reassuring :)
> 
> Hi jojo, I too am waiting for af so can TTC again, the pain of loosing a child makes me long to be a mum much more, I miss my baby bump. Brought myself to watch One born Every Minute today, its been too hard to watch and I loved it when was pregnant! it was so inspirational though seeing women who have gone through several MC and giving birth to their babies, makes me long for the day I'll be blessed even more.
> 
> Just ordered some hpts as only got opks and they are negetive now but I have no idea whether this will also mean hcg is out of my system! I hope so although it pains me to say it!

I watched obem last night , not been watching it as too painful , but last nights was an inspiration for woman with recuurent miscarriage..to keep going :hugs:
It is an unpsetting but good moment to see a negative hpt..gives u the go ahead to ttc, but is so sad to have confirmation u really arn't pregnant :(

FX u will be TTC really soon and pregnant soon after :hugs:

seems such a long rocky road getting pregnant again..


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## Suze

Great news MM that you're feeling more positive...and I agree you need a ticker!

Sorry to hear of the loss of your baby girl, I too had af about weeks after having my son so fx you can get ttc straight away if that's what you're hoping to do.

Wish2bmum I agree aboot OBEM, I missed a lot of the ealrier episodes due to it being too painful but I find it OK to watch pregnant. I thought the partner of the woman who'd had lots of losses was so lovely and seemed really supportive.

As for me, I have been cramping horribly and each time I go to the loo fear the worst. I did go for a scan today where eveything seems fine and there is no obvious reason for the cramping and also no bleed sites which has often been the case early on with my losses :thumbup:


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## MaevesMummy

Hopefully I have a new ticker now xxxx


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## Suze

Love the ticker and happy 15 weeks :happydance:


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## babesx3

yay for ticker!!!! happy 15 +1 lol!!! :friends:


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## Bally

Hi, I'm new to here, not sure if this is the right place to post.

I Lost my baby boy Tommy at 18 weeks. Went for my first scan on the 21st February and was told he had severe spins bifida at his head and it hadn't formed properly and he wouldnt survive out side womb. I went into hospital on the 26th Feb to be induced and had him at 13:50. I miss him so much and feel empty inside now. He was my first baby. 

Me and my partner want to try again; I take it we have to wait until my 6 week appointment before TTC?? I have stopped bleeding and I feel my body is getting back to normal so hopefully I get the all clear at my 6 weeks appointment. The doctor has put me on 5mg of folic acid just now.


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## wish2bmum

Suze, great news about your scan, it must be awful wanting to be so happy that you are pregnant, but fearing the worst with every cramp and movement. I wish you all the best and send lots of sticky baby dust your way.

Hi Bally, I'm sorry to hear of your loss, there's no words to describe how you feel in those early days, I lost my boy at 16wks, 2 weeks ago tomorrow and its the thought of TTC again that has pulled me through the darkest times. There's lots of different advice on when to start trying again, I have searched high and low on the forum for answers and it seems the answer is when its right for you, try again! I'm hoping my cycles return asap as before I got pregnant they were all over the place. Good luck in your journey, and again I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Bally

Hi Wish2bmum, thats whats helping me at the moment knowing I want to ttc again as soon as I am ready, its the only thing keeping me going. Just need to see what happens now, what will be will be. I dont really want to try untill I have been for my check up, it will be hard waiting 4 more weeks.


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## babesx3

:hugs: Bally , sorry to hear of your recent loss...
I was told that i could try as soon as i felt ready...:shrug:
Every part of me was screaming to be pregnant again..so tried straight away, i got pregnant 6 weeks after my loss...all is going well so far ..FX... had a scan yesterday and baby is alive fit and well and growing nicely.. its very nerve wracking, thats the downside, and i feel like i am still grieving for my charlie :(


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## Imalia

I was the same Bally. I wanted to start ttc again right away, but I felt I needed to know what happened before I did. I didn't want to ttc, get pregnant, then get the test results through and find I had set myself up for the same heartache again if it was something that was likely to reoccur. It wasn't, just a one-off random bad luck.

Looking back now, I sometimes laugh at myself for that. Right away we were ntnp, and then started ttc four months ago. Seven months after losing our angel, still no sign of a bfp, and I wonder why I worried that it would happen before the results came back. It's kind of why I only really hover around a lot of the time, what do I have to say but, nope, I'm still not pregnant.


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## babesx3

:hugs: Imalia.. we're here to offer each other support..:friends:


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## Bally

Part of me wants to ttc in the next few weeks but im scared of the same thing happening again, even though the doctor said it was just nature, and not anything I did wrong.

Good luck with the remainder of you pregnancy babesx3 

Imalia hopefully you will get a bfp soon


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## TButterfly

Hi my name is Marie,

I loss my first born at 25 wks in December last year. I had an infection and went into early labour, they think that I may have an incompetent cervix. I am trying to conceive at the moment. This is my third month of trying. Thought I join this group for support and to support others.


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## wish2bmum

one thing my oh taught me whilst I was in labor was that your body will tell you when its ready, listen to your body. (Its not a regular thing, this is one of the only things he's taught me in 10 years) :) and I firmly stick by this now, I don't think my body will ovulate until its ready to conceive a baby so if it happens straight away then its meant to be. Who'd have thought I'd ever be wishing for morning sickness again, but I'd give anything to be pregnant again.

Hello marie, and welcome :) I am sorry to hear of your loss, happy to hear thaty you are ttc and hope your journey is a short one.


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## iloveblue

Hi everyone
and welcome to Tesharika, Bally, Jojo and TButterfly - phew its getting busy on here!

It was our due-date on Tuesday, passed in a blur really - I was working, being a teacher I cant take days off willy nilly and my head had already kindly agreed for me to have today off (more about that later).
But we did sit down in the evening and had a chat about things and lit a candle for our baby. It suprised me how emotional I felt really - I was on the verge of tears all day, but have been like that a lot recently.
We are going to plant a tree but are waiting for the weather to get better first.

But, today, we had our appointment with the consultant. It was rescheduled from next week as she is on call.
We found out that our baby was a boy and that he was perfect :cry:- the post mortem found nothing wrong with him at all. 
The only thing they did discover was that he had died at about 17 weeks - 3 weeks before we lost him forever.
That does explain a lot - why I had no milk, why I never felt him move, etc. She said they had suspected that from the scan, but noone had told me that at the time - I think it would have helped to have known.
Anyway, all my bloods came back clear. They lost one set - which was testing for a type of APS, so I had to go and have some more blood taken today. But the consultant said she would be very suprised it that too wasn't normal. 
I'm not sure what to think really - its frustrating that we don't know what happened, and very sad to know that we lost our little boy, but I'm also relieved that we know all there is to know now.
I feel like I can start to move on.

We also talked about my latest loss and the consultant also agreed with my GP, that it is very unlikely that they are linked and more like just bad luck. She has said that with my next pregnancy (I'm being positive - there will be one) I can have a reassurance scan at about 8 weeks as well as an extra scan at 17 weeks and she is going to inform my GP of that.

I'm glad all is going well with you Suze. Hope it continues to do so. x

Love your new ticker MaevesM and all it represents x

I'm so glad Mini B is continuing to grow strong Nats x

How are you getting on with TTC MissM? Will you be POAS soon?

Its good to be back - I've missed you all. xxx


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## babesx3

:hugs: iloveblue
its good to have u back :friends:
Your loss sounds exactly the same as mine with charlie..he had died at about 17 + weeks ..and i'd of not known had i not had an extra consultant appointment for gynea issues and she just couldn;t find HB.. o therwise i would never have know till 20+ weeks scan :(
Charlie too was found to have nothing wrong :( its so heartbreaking and feels so wrong doesn't it..:( :hugs:
have u decided to name your baby?
Glad u will be TTC again and extra scans will hopefully help ease concerns.... i've had 8 so far :blush: slightly excessive....

:hi: Marie welcome .:friends:
so sorry to hear of your loss..:hugs:
hope your TTC journy is a short one!!! XX


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## MissMaternal

iloveblue it's nice to see you back :) I may not post alot, but i'm always lurking to see what's going on with you girls! I am pleased that you finally got your PM results. I can understand totally that it is frustrating for no reason to be found, but it is also a good thing i think. It does make it hard though, knowing that there is no named cause for our babies deaths :cry: I really hope you do feel that you have done all you can, you had a PM done, and although it was "inconclusive" so to speak, you couldn't have done anymore than that.
I hope you are feeling ok...how are you physically now? TTC is going well thanks. Jumping on OH at every opportunity :sex: :rofl: Am on CD15, so hopefullu OV has taken place/will take place very soon!!! I am SOOOO desperate to POAS!!!!!! 


xxx


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## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> :hugs: iloveblue
> its good to have u back :friends:
> Your loss sounds exactly the same as mine with charlie..he had died at about 17 + weeks ..and i'd of not known had i not had an extra consultant appointment for gynea issues and she just couldn;t find HB.. o therwise i would never have know till 20+ weeks scan :(
> Charlie too was found to have nothing wrong :( its so heartbreaking and feels so wrong doesn't it..:( :hugs:
> have u decided to name your baby?
> Glad u will be TTC again and extra scans will hopefully help ease concerns.... i've had 8 so far :blush: slightly excessive....
> 
> :hi: Marie welcome .:friends:
> so sorry to hear of your loss..:hugs:
> hope your TTC journy is a short one!!! XX

It does feel wrong Nats doesn't it - I mean there must have been something wrong with him or me which has so far gone undetected. 
And it feels more real to me now I know he was a boy. 
I would like to name him - mentioned it to DH earlier and he was a bit dismissive, but I think its something I need to do, even if its just for me.

I was chatting with my boys earlier and told them that we'd been to the hospital to find out why our baby died, and that they didn't know what had happened and that the baby had been a boy.
My eldest just looked and me and said
'Whenever you talk about the baby your face looks sad - I feel so sorry for you' and then gave me a big hug- he's such a sensitive soul.


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## babesx3

aww :cry: thats so sweet of your son...:hugs:

it drives me nuts not having a reason for charlies death.. i keep analising everything i did, everything i ate or drank, the stress levels etc etc... i am so careful about EVERYTHING this pregnancy... not much fun, but its the only way i cope, that i know i have done nothing wrong..not that realistically i did before ..:shrug:

:hugs: iloveblue.. i'll be here to try help u when u get your bfp!!...when are u planning on starting to TTC..or are u just going for it??
its tough on men too i think.. i watched a program last night about babies born at 23 weeks.. kinda a bad idea.. but i noticed my husband had tears in his eyes too watching it..he was saying how it brought it all back, cos the babies looked like charlie..... i don't think they think about the babies as often as we do , but that doesn;t mean they don't care.....
My dh did just let me chose the name charlie..he didn;t like it pre having him as a baby name , but i really wanted it so he agreed..and now it really suits him...
what names did u have?


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## iloveblue

Thanks Nats - that means a lot. x
Regarding the TTC - I think we are going to NTNP for a few months. I don't want to get all worked up about ovulation, DTD, POAS like I did last time - it was so exhausting. I just want to forget about it for a while and let nature take its course.
I am feeling very positive at the moment - I think the Springness in the air is helping too, and I know I will get pregnant again and have a successful pregnancy.

I agree with what you said about how men react - my DH seemed to sail through the whole experience, but it was better that way in a sense, as he was then able to support me in the way I needed.
They obviously don't have the same bond that we do with our babies but I know he was sad yesterday when we found out we'd lost a little boy.


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## TButterfly

Aww thank you iloveblue and babesx3 for welcoming me here. It is reasuring to read that ur dh's have dealt with things in a different way. My dh is also very supporting and it was only when we went to a SANDs meeting that I saw him upset after the day we lost our daughter Erica. 

Erica's due date is fast approaching on the 20th March and I like the idea of lighting a candle. I can feel myself getting more emotional as it gets closer:cry:


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## TButterfly

Really upset today. A good friend of mine had her baby yesterday and I found out today. I am so happy for her, but it made me think about Erica. We were pregnancy buddies, as our babies were due two weeks apart and we always said they would be bestfriends. I am in the process of writing her a card, but really don't know what to say in there. 

Really hard trying to stay positive and concentrate on ttc. Trying not to upset myself too much, as I know it may effect me getting pregnant again.

Any suggestions of what I could put in her card would be great.


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## iloveblue

Oh Marie - that must be tough.
I havn't had to experience that thankfully.
If you're still thinking of what to put in the card - I would just keep it brief if it was me. 
If she is a good friend then she will understand that you must be hurting xx


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## babesx3

agree with iloveblue..keep it short and sweet.. i'd perhaps just say congratulations love from ..... and leave it at that .. massive :hugs:


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## Imalia

Oh it's hard isn't it. I was kind of in the same situation, but it wasn't a friend of mine, and it was an awful situation just the week after I lost my angel. I just ignored it, wouldn't acknowledge it at all, but I wouldn't do that if it was a friend.


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## TButterfly

Thanks for all your suggestion. I am going to keep it short and sweet. I have just put congratulations and wishing you all the best of luck, love ....

She will know that it was difficult for me to write, but hopefully at the sametime she will appreciate the small gesture of love and good wishes.


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## sflowers

Hi, i am Sara, and i lost my little girl at 21 weeks on the 31st January 2011, we are still awaiting the PM results, buit it all happened really quickly, we had a scan on the friday and found out it was a girl then on the monday i gave birth in the toilets of the hospital alone in the early hours of the morning after being told by numerous doctors that there was nothing wrong!!!

But have decided to start TTC, i got my first period last week, so now feel like we can really start trying.

I do have PCOS and a blood clotting disorder but i am told that should not have caused the prem birth, but it did not help in TTC the first time round it took nearly 2 years to fall :(

If anyone has any useful tips on PCOS and concieving that would be great, i am so scared of it taking another 2 years to fall again :nope:


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## iloveblue

Hi Sara
I'm so sorry you lost your precious daughter and in such horrible circumstances too.
I have no experience of PCOS so can't help on that score but just wanted to say hello and welcome and hope you get a BFP very soon xx


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## babesx3

hi Sarah.. sorry to hear of your loss:hugs:
i've not had pcos, but i do know a friend who did.. i think she was put on clomid to help with conception... is that something u have been offered?



My husband felt baby kick last night for the first time.... was really emotion, kinda made us having a baby mor e real , i've been quite cautious about bonding too much with the baby incase i lost it , which makes me feel guilty.. esp now as i'm further on than when i lost charlie....
really starting to think/hope that i really will get to keep this little baby....FX XXXX


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## sflowers

Hi Thanks for your welcome, i was put on Metformin for about 6 months before may last pregnancy, and now my Doctor has told me to start taking it to concieve this time?

x


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## Semanthia

.


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## iloveblue

Hi Semanthia
I'm so sorry you lost your daughter - she was beautiful.
I see you are in the US - I think it all works differently there to here in the UK, so I can't help you but just wanted to say hello. 
I'm sure someone else will be able to help you out. x


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## BabyBoyle

Hi ladies, firstly want to say sorry for all your losses also :(

I just wanted to pop in as am TTC after a loss 6 weeks ago. Am not charting or using ovulation kits or anything, as didnt use last time and my body wasnt regular at all! 

Stopped bleeding about 2 weeks ago, and i know it wasnt a period as it was continued from the birth of Madison.. 

Have you ever heard of anyone falling before AF or usually after?

Im not impatient (well, ok i am with this!) But just curious and wondering if it will take a long time. 

Had a posterior uterus, which "apparantly" my Dr said would have made it a bit more difficult to get pregnant, as it took a good 8 months TTC before BFP. But also "apparantly" the uterus will correct itself during pregnancy, and i heard its easier to fall that way.

Wishing you all the best of luck on your journeys.. xxxxx

Sorry for the muddled up post, head is all over the place with excitement :) Xxx


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## SassyLou

Hi Babyboyle, noticed you'd posted how exciting for you.

I have really irregular cycles and a retroverted uterus. As far as I'm aware your uterus always goes back to being retroverted after the birth, just ends up in a normal position as it grows during pregnancy. Mines always gone back to being retroverted.

After my MMC at 8 wks last August we tried straight away but got pregnant after first AF. After we lost Archie we NTNP straight away, I got my first AF almost 2 weeks ago (5 weeks after losing Archie). 

My cycles are pretty irregular, with the cycle where I got pregnant with Archie I charted, used ovulation sticks and took soy iso! I just think when your cycles are irregular you either :sex: all the time, or you try and work out when you're ovulating so you don't have to :dohh: :blush:

Anything I can help you with PM me or contact me through facebook.

love Sarah xxx


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## BabyBoyle

Sarah,

Thanks for your message sweetheart! Hope all is looking up for you..?

Are you TTC at the moment again, and are you charting etc?

We are DTD quite regularly so not going to bother with charting etc.. Haven't had a period yet, but thought the bleeding was stopping then had a postpartnum haemmorhage thingy about 3 weeks ago, and stopped bleeding shortly after that. So kind of praying that im stupidly lucky (not gonna happen!!!) that I will fall before i get another AF.. 

Just trying to find ladies who have been that lucky on here and read some success stories!! 

xxx


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## SassyLou

Hi Donna,

Yes we're TTC again, I've taken soy iso this cycle and am charting and POAS! I can recommend the soy, my cycle was anything between 7 and 9 weeks, after using it my cycle was 5 weeks! I find with charting and having irregular cycles I'm not permanently thinking I might be pregnant as I can work out when AF is due. Luckily its the first part of my cycle that's rubbish (AF to ovulation) I always get AF two weeks after ovulating.

Glad you're DTD regular :happydance::haha:. Obviously we're a fair bit older than you, don't do it quite as much as we used to :blush: We're always knackered from running round after the boys!

Good luck, keep me updated xxx


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## BabyBoyle

Hmmm im intrigued about this soy thing? I've seen people talk about it but im clueless as to what it is or what it does?!

LOL Im sure you are still very active ;) The other half is 11 years older than me but im making sure he stays fit haha.

It's good to know where you are in your cycle!!

I've never known, was on implanon for 6 years and never had periods apart from the 8 months i TTC (only spotted for about 3 months though!) xx


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## babesx3

Semanthia said:


> I hope I am not intruding but I thought this would be a good thread for me to ask my question.
> I lost my baby 4 weeks ago tomorrow from IC. I found a list of top doctors in my area. I had made the decision to find a specialist I like first and get a list of OB's they work with so I can find an OB I like. We decided to start trying for another one after our wedding at the end of April. So today I was wanting to set up appointments with specialist in May so we could interview them before we started. I was told that I could have a consultation with a specialist without being referred by an OB who thinks I might be high risk. I explained that I had a less than pleasant experience with my current OB and the specialist who referred me and I wanted to make sure I find one I like before we try to conceive. I have been crying hysterically about it and I don't know why. I guess I feel like I have lost control again.
> Is it normal for you to not be allowed to have a consultation with a doctor? I was too up set to continue through my list and I don't want to continue if none of the specialist are willing to see me.

:hugs: i'm so sorry for your loss...
It does sound like it works differently over your way to uk..:( sorry
Must be very upsetting not being able to control who u see..:( 
will u be getting a stitch put in for the iC when you concieve? sorry i don't know much abou IC...
massive hugs :hugs: hope u manage to find someone that can help u XX


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## babesx3

:hi: sassylou and babyboyle, nice to see u here!!

Babyboyle i have heard of women getting pg before AF so its definatley possible.. i know JOX did ... i'm pretty sure i didn't ovulate before AF, and from what i read thats quite common, but anythings possible....
FX u won't be trying too long :friends:.. my DH is 11.5 yrs older than me too :blush: have to say hes fitter than me too!!!

Sassylou how are u ? good to see the soy is helping u..FX u will get a BFP sson!!!.. i'm older and more tired too with other kids..:wacko: its hard TTC when all u really want to do when u go to bed is sleep.... i'm 37 by the way.. but feel about 50!!!


how is everyone else...
how are u Maeves mummy ?? hows the bump?

iloveblue how are u and imalia going with TTC?

I know things are going well with Suze as i popped by her journal :)

sorry if i missed anyone ...:hugs:


----------



## BabyBoyle

Hi sweetheart :)

How long did you concieve after Charlie went to sleep? You are getting on amazingly xxx


----------



## Jox

BabyBoyle said:


> Hmmm im intrigued about this soy thing? I've seen people talk about it but im clueless as to what it is or what it does?!
> 
> LOL Im sure you are still very active ;) The other half is 11 years older than me but im making sure he stays fit haha.
> 
> It's good to know where you are in your cycle!!
> 
> I've never known, was on implanon for 6 years and never had periods apart from the 8 months i TTC (only spotted for about 3 months though!) xx

:wave: Hi, im so sorry for the loss of your little Girl, i love your avatar, very precious :-(

just wanted to say i conceived my Rainbow without AF. Kasper was born sleeping 2nd Jan 2010, i bled for about 2 weeks, DTD 3 times in 10 days between day 18 and 28 (after birth) and got BFP when i was 4+3 and was 6+2 after Kaspers birth. No idea how it happened and never expected it altho i did hope.

I too had the implanon for 6 years prior to TTC and pretty much had no afs. had it removed and conceived Kasper on our 3rd cycle of TTC. I hope your BFP comes very quickly.

Hope your all ok.

Good luck TTC :dust: hope this thread is full of BFPs soon.

Babesx3 - how are you? hows baby doing? are you getting extra scans etc do you know babys flavour or are you going for a surprise?

Sending :kiss: for your Angels xxx


----------



## Imalia

Well, we managed to convince our dr that things needed a little push to get going and are in our first cycle of clomid, which hasn't been too bad so far, I was expecting the side effects to be worse, but since I do O on my own it's only a low dose (50mg) Despite that I'm not feeling too hopeful this month as DH was in a minor car accident and we only managed to dtd twice during the fertile window. Always something


----------



## iloveblue

Hello everyone
:wave: BabyBoyle and SassyLou - hope you get your BFP's as quickly as possible.

Glad all is well with you Nats and Suze also.

Glad you are getting some extra help Imalia - FX crossed it works and you get a BFP soon too.

I'm not quite sure what we're doing regarding TTC to be honest. I just don't know if I can put myself through it all again at the moment - have been feeling quite down over the last week or so.

I actually POAS earlier - no idea why as we havn't really DTD much this month, thought there might be a slight chance, but it was BFN. And I was actually quite relieved - not quite ready to get back on the rollercoaster.
I feel like I just want to get myself healthy first - lose a bit of weight, start doing some exercise etc. 

Although I do keep changing my mind - will probably be saying something different tomorrow. :dohh:


----------



## babesx3

BabyBoyle said:


> Hi sweetheart :)
> 
> How long did you concieve after Charlie went to sleep? You are getting on amazingly xxx

Thanks !!! its been an emotional pregnancy..but we're getting more positive!! i concieved about 6 weeks ish after i gave birth... i had an AF then got PG...

Lovely to see u here :friends:


----------



## babesx3

Jox said:


> BabyBoyle said:
> 
> 
> Hmmm im intrigued about this soy thing? I've seen people talk about it but im clueless as to what it is or what it does?!
> 
> LOL Im sure you are still very active ;) The other half is 11 years older than me but im making sure he stays fit haha.
> 
> It's good to know where you are in your cycle!!
> 
> I've never known, was on implanon for 6 years and never had periods apart from the 8 months i TTC (only spotted for about 3 months though!) xx
> 
> :wave: Hi, im so sorry for the loss of your little Girl, i love your avatar, very precious :-(
> 
> just wanted to say i conceived my Rainbow without AF. Kasper was born sleeping 2nd Jan 2010, i bled for about 2 weeks, DTD 3 times in 10 days between day 18 and 28 (after birth) and got BFP when i was 4+3 and was 6+2 after Kaspers birth. No idea how it happened and never expected it altho i did hope.
> 
> I too had the implanon for 6 years prior to TTC and pretty much had no afs. had it removed and conceived Kasper on our 3rd cycle of TTC. I hope your BFP comes very quickly.
> 
> Hope your all ok.
> 
> Good luck TTC :dust: hope this thread is full of BFPs soon.
> 
> Babesx3 - how are you? hows baby doing? are you getting extra scans etc do you know babys flavour or are you going for a surprise?
> 
> Sending :kiss: for your Angels xxxClick to expand...

Hi Jox.. doing well thanks..its been an emotional rollercoaster , as i'm sure u know, ... I've had 8 scans so far :blush: the hospital have been amazing , and so supportive of my concerns and worries... I did find out at my 17, 18 and 20 and 21 weeks scan hes most definatley a boy...lol... so pleased:)

How are u getting on?


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> Hello everyone
> :wave: BabyBoyle and SassyLou - hope you get your BFP's as quickly as possible.
> 
> Glad all is well with you Nats and Suze also.
> 
> Glad you are getting some extra help Imalia - FX crossed it works and you get a BFP soon too.
> 
> I'm not quite sure what we're doing regarding TTC to be honest. I just don't know if I can put myself through it all again at the moment - have been feeling quite down over the last week or so.
> 
> I actually POAS earlier - no idea why as we havn't really DTD much this month, thought there might be a slight chance, but it was BFN. And I was actually quite relieved - not quite ready to get back on the rollercoaster.
> I feel like I just want to get myself healthy first - lose a bit of weight, start doing some exercise etc.
> 
> Although I do keep changing my mind - will probably be saying something different tomorrow. :dohh:

:hugs: you will know when u are ready... take as much time as u need, it is such a rollercoaster PAL :friends:


----------



## FunToRun

Hi girls, new to the forum. Just had a read at the whole thread (took me ages) and has moved me how strong and positive everyone is.

I ttc straight away after my first late m/c and got a bfp at three months. Going to wait the 3 months this time round as im still so raw at the moment and still dont have the pm results.

Good luck to everyone ttc and to all that are pg XX


----------



## babesx3

:hi: funtorun sorry to hear of your losses... did u lose the next pregnancy ? sorry i couldn't quite see where u are up to.. sounds like u are having a tough time tho' :hugs:
welcome to the thread ..hope u get some answers from your pm..xx

sorry this is a quicky..we are going away for a long weekend this am... so will be back monday night XXX


----------



## Jox

aww congrats on your 3rd special little boy :hugs: a perfect gift from Charlie :kiss:

We are good thanks. plodding on. time passing too quickly :-(

hope your ok x


----------



## USAF_WIFE

BabyBoyle! I am so happy to see you are TTC! I hope you get a speedy BFP and wish you nothing but a healthy and happy 9 months when it happens! I can't wait to see your BFP annoncement! That goes for all ladies TTC as well I wish you all the best!


----------



## SassyLou

babesx3 said:


> :hi: sassylou and babyboyle, nice to see u here!!
> 
> Babyboyle i have heard of women getting pg before AF so its definatley possible.. i know JOX did ... i'm pretty sure i didn't ovulate before AF, and from what i read thats quite common, but anythings possible....
> FX u won't be trying too long :friends:.. my DH is 11.5 yrs older than me too :blush: have to say hes fitter than me too!!!
> 
> Sassylou how are u ? good to see the soy is helping u..FX u will get a BFP sson!!!.. i'm older and more tired too with other kids..:wacko: its hard TTC when all u really want to do when u go to bed is sleep.... i'm 37 by the way.. but feel about 50!!!
> 
> 
> how is everyone else...
> how are u Maeves mummy ?? hows the bump?
> 
> iloveblue how are u and imalia going with TTC?
> 
> I know things are going well with Suze as i popped by her journal :)
> 
> sorry if i missed anyone ...:hugs:

Hi Babesx3, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's shattered:blush:. Plus having lots of problems with my IBS at the moment, I suppose its mainly down to stress. Long story but the hospital are investigating they way they looked after or should I say failed to look after Archie after we left him and I think spending hours looking through various policies plus the lack of sleep and nightmares when I do sleep isn't helping.

As for the soy, it definitely helped last time, fx it'll work this time.
xxx


----------



## SassyLou

Donna if you want anymore info on Soy let me know xxx


----------



## FunToRun

babesx3 said:


> :hi: funtorun sorry to hear of your losses... did u lose the next pregnancy ? sorry i couldn't quite see where u are up to.. sounds like u are having a tough time tho' :hugs:
> welcome to the thread ..hope u get some answers from your pm..xx
> 
> sorry this is a quicky..we are going away for a long weekend this am... so will be back monday night XXX

Sorry babesx3 heads still all over the place. I had my ds 2002, became pg in 2006 with my angle boy got to 16+6. Three months after the loss i became pg with my dd who is sitting in front of the tv as i write this. Just over two weeks ago i lost another angel boy:cry: got to 17+4. Having a service for him on Wednesday, My heart is braking, not sure how im going to get through this a second time. Just feel i cant move forward till i get the pm results.
Congratulations on your pregnancy hope your keeping well, U'll be walking on egg shells till you have your little bundle of joy in your arms. X


----------



## tootsiegb

Hi ijust found this thread again, I couldnt for the life of me remember where this thread was!!!
I have now just had my second period since my early loss in Dec, and i am now trying again. Hoping to get pregnant quite soon. Fingers crossed it will be third time lucky for me. 
Hope you are all ok. Take care tootsie xx


----------



## babesx3

FunToRun said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> :hi: funtorun sorry to hear of your losses... did u lose the next pregnancy ? sorry i couldn't quite see where u are up to.. sounds like u are having a tough time tho' :hugs:
> welcome to the thread ..hope u get some answers from your pm..xx
> 
> sorry this is a quicky..we are going away for a long weekend this am... so will be back monday night XXX
> 
> Sorry babesx3 heads still all over the place. I had my ds 2002, became pg in 2006 with my angle boy got to 16+6. Three months after the loss i became pg with my dd who is sitting in front of the tv as i write this. Just over two weeks ago i lost another angel boy:cry: got to 17+4. Having a service for him on Wednesday, My heart is braking, not sure how im going to get through this a second time. Just feel i cant move forward till i get the pm results.
> Congratulations on your pregnancy hope your keeping well, U'll be walking on egg shells till you have your little bundle of joy in your arms. XClick to expand...

Massive hugs..:hugs:, yes to go thru it all again must be so awful..:cry: i'm so sorry for your loss.....

yes i am walking on egg shells, constantly worried the baby will die..:( PAL is very tough indeed.......

do u have any idea when your PM results will be back? did u have a PM on the little boy u lost in 2006? they should be back soon as they have released your baby back for burial..
thinking of u tomorrow..hope u get thru it .:friends:


----------



## babesx3

tootsiegb said:


> Hi ijust found this thread again, I couldnt for the life of me remember where this thread was!!!
> I have now just had my second period since my early loss in Dec, and i am now trying again. Hoping to get pregnant quite soon. Fingers crossed it will be third time lucky for me.
> Hope you are all ok. Take care tootsie xx

Good luck for this month...and your for keeps baby !!!:hugs:


----------



## babesx3

SassyLou said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> :hi: sassylou and babyboyle, nice to see u here!!
> 
> Babyboyle i have heard of women getting pg before AF so its definatley possible.. i know JOX did ... i'm pretty sure i didn't ovulate before AF, and from what i read thats quite common, but anythings possible....
> FX u won't be trying too long :friends:.. my DH is 11.5 yrs older than me too :blush: have to say hes fitter than me too!!!
> 
> Sassylou how are u ? good to see the soy is helping u..FX u will get a BFP sson!!!.. i'm older and more tired too with other kids..:wacko: its hard TTC when all u really want to do when u go to bed is sleep.... i'm 37 by the way.. but feel about 50!!!
> 
> 
> how is everyone else...
> how are u Maeves mummy ?? hows the bump?
> 
> iloveblue how are u and imalia going with TTC?
> 
> I know things are going well with Suze as i popped by her journal :)
> 
> sorry if i missed anyone ...:hugs:
> 
> Hi Babesx3, I'm glad I'm not the only one who's shattered:blush:. Plus having lots of problems with my IBS at the moment, I suppose its mainly down to stress. Long story but the hospital are investigating they way they looked after or should I say failed to look after Archie after we left him and I think spending hours looking through various policies plus the lack of sleep and nightmares when I do sleep isn't helping.
> 
> As for the soy, it definitely helped last time, fx it'll work this time.
> xxxClick to expand...

:hugs:..sounds like u are really going thru it ATM..... i suffer from IBS too, its definatley exasperated by stress..... i have terrible tummy cramps before i go for scans...amazingly they dissapear after it ...


----------



## FunToRun

babesx3 said:


> FunToRun said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> :hi: funtorun sorry to hear of your losses... did u lose the next pregnancy ? sorry i couldn't quite see where u are up to.. sounds like u are having a tough time tho' :hugs:
> welcome to the thread ..hope u get some answers from your pm..xx
> 
> sorry this is a quicky..we are going away for a long weekend this am... so will be back monday night XXX
> 
> Sorry babesx3 heads still all over the place. I had my ds 2002, became pg in 2006 with my angle boy got to 16+6. Three months after the loss i became pg with my dd who is sitting in front of the tv as i write this. Just over two weeks ago i lost another angel boy:cry: got to 17+4. Having a service for him on Wednesday, My heart is braking, not sure how im going to get through this a second time. Just feel i cant move forward till i get the pm results.
> Congratulations on your pregnancy hope your keeping well, U'll be walking on egg shells till you have your little bundle of joy in your arms. XClick to expand...
> 
> Massive hugs..:hugs:, yes to go thru it all again must be so awful..:cry: i'm so sorry for your loss.....
> 
> yes i am walking on egg shells, constantly worried the baby will die..:( PAL is very tough indeed.......
> 
> do u have any idea when your PM results will be back? did u have a PM on the little boy u lost in 2006? they should be back soon as they have released your baby back for burial..
> thinking of u tomorrow..hope u get thru it .:friends:Click to expand...

No didnt get a pm the first time, really thought it was a one off and didnt want to put him through it. They told me it would take up to 6 weeks for the results so still have a few weeks to go. Fingers crossed they all come back normal.


----------



## babesx3

FX too funtorun XX

Well i'm having such a hormonal day today..:cry: keep remebering everything that happened when i found out charlie had died...
funny day some how, been to playgroup and seen friends , who have all ask happily how are u and i reply with a smile great...when inside i just feel like crying .... i'm so scared something will happen to this baby... wish i knew all would be ok...... i just don't feel confident... baby is kicking loads so i shouldn't worry.. i just can't help it.... roll on 37-39 weeks when i will hopefully have a healthy baby in my arms.....
I am trying to be positive for my kids and everyone elses sake... i just constantly worry about him dying and me not knowing :(


----------



## FunToRun

babesx3 i know what ur going through i was the same when i was pg with my dd. Right up to the last day all i did was worry. X


----------



## babesx3

I can see thats how i'm gonna be...
i'm also scared of something bad happening with the birth... when i had charlie, my placenta retained and i haemoraged, i just was so scared i'd die... i'm worried now the same thing will happen.... seems silly somehow as i've had 3 kids with relatively low problems..althoiugh the placenta has always been a slight issue it has always come out till charlie...:shrug:

sorry to be me me me.. i know u must be going thru hell with the funeral tomorrow ..:hugs:
are you having a private funeral just for u and dh , or are u having other family?


----------



## FunToRun

I was the same with my placenta, had a terrible time with it and ended up with a d&c with both of my late losses. Ended up back at the doc's for more antibiotics today. With my ds and dd it was a section so didnt have to worry about any probs with placenta.

Just myself and dh going tomorrow. X


----------



## Imalia

Feeling very confused this morning. Yesterday at 11dpo I got a very faint positive. I'd only taken the test because a couple of my friends and family kind of bullied me into it. It wasn't fmu, but there was definately something there. Tested again this morning with fmu and BFN, not even a hint of anything. I know it's still early days, but I really hate this rollercoaster we're all on.


----------



## tootsiegb

babesx3 I am so sorry you are feeling like this, I am sure everything will be fine for you. x

FuntoRun I hope it all goes as well as can be expected today. My thoughts are with 
you. x

Thanks for my good luck wishes babesx3. I am really hoping that I can get my for keeps baby too.
Love to you all tootsie x


----------



## tootsiegb

Imalia, 
Fingers crossed for you. xx Its still early yet!

xx


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Feeling very confused this morning. Yesterday at 11dpo I got a very faint positive. I'd only taken the test because a couple of my friends and family kind of bullied me into it. It wasn't fmu, but there was definately something there. Tested again this morning with fmu and BFN, not even a hint of anything. I know it's still early days, but I really hate this rollercoaster we're all on.

Ooh Imalia - sounds promising.
Did you use a different brand of HPT the second time?


----------



## babesx3

Thanks tootsiegb..:friends:

good luck imalia..maybe tomorrow will be a positive FX!!! i usually get a stronger positive with second morning wee!! :thumbup:

iloveblue how are you?


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> FX too funtorun XX
> 
> Well i'm having such a hormonal day today..:cry: keep remebering everything that happened when i found out charlie had died...
> funny day some how, been to playgroup and seen friends , who have all ask happily how are u and i reply with a smile great...when inside i just feel like crying .... i'm so scared something will happen to this baby... wish i knew all would be ok...... i just don't feel confident... baby is kicking loads so i shouldn't worry.. i just can't help it.... roll on 37-39 weeks when i will hopefully have a healthy baby in my arms.....
> I am trying to be positive for my kids and everyone elses sake... i just constantly worry about him dying and me not knowing :(

I hope you're feeling better today Nats.
I can imagine its so hard to stay positive, when you're expecting the worst all the time. But, everything is looking great so far - and you have a healthy wriggly baby boy in your tummy. :happydance:


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Thanks tootsiegb..:friends:
> 
> good luck imalia..maybe tomorrow will be a positive FX!!! i usually get a stronger positive with second morning wee!! :thumbup:
> 
> iloveblue how are you?

Xposted there Nats. 

I'm okay - have been feeling down for the last week or so, to the point where I went to see GP on Friday.
She sent me for a whole host of blood tests - including thyroid tests, which I was hoping for as it hasn't been checked up till now, and suggested working reduced hours for a few weeks until I get back on an even keel.

My headteacher (i'm a teacher) has been fab about it - hence why I am at home now, going in today at lunchtime and I do feel loads better today (the sunshine helps too).

I'm still waiting for AF - I'm on day 32 today, and expecting it anyday although no cramps or anything.
It took 38 days for it to appear after we lost our little boy - and I would have though my body would get back to normal much quicker after an early loss.

I'm still not sure if we will be TTC straight away anyway - but just want to know everything is back to normal.


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: iloveblue..hope AF returns very soon!! its a hard decision to make , going thru all the rollercoaster again... see how u feel in a few weeks... concentrating on getting yourself feeling strong again..:friends:


----------



## Imalia

Yeah, the first one was a superdrug own brand one, the second one this morning was frer. Going to give it a few more days before testing again I think.


----------



## FunToRun

After my first loss i waited the 3 months before ttc (doc's advice). But this time round im feeling so impatient and dont think i can wait. The sensible part of me is saying wait for the 3 months and the pm results, and the other part of me is wanting to try straight away.

How long did you guys wait before ttc? 
What advice did your doc's give yous?
And did yous wait for AF to show before trying?


----------



## tootsiegb

my first loss i waited for one cycle, but it took me 12 weeks to have that cycle, this time i have waited 2 cycles 12 weeks again, and now i am trying again xx


----------



## babesx3

FunToRun said:


> After my first loss i waited the 3 months before ttc (doc's advice). But this time round im feeling so impatient and dont think i can wait. The sensible part of me is saying wait for the 3 months and the pm results, and the other part of me is wanting to try straight away.
> 
> How long did you guys wait before ttc?
> What advice did your doc's give yous?
> And did yous wait for AF to show before trying?

I didn't wait at all...
Doc and MW said i wouldn't get PG if my body wasn't ready, and as charlie didn't appear to have any problems and i've had 3 healthy children....
I didn't wait for AF, but i don't think i ovulated till after AF.. i did opk's to see!!!


----------



## MissMaternal

Imalia i really hope it turns out to be your :bfp:.... :hugs: keep us posted hun.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I got my :bfp: today.... very excited and extremely grateful...but scared as hell. xx


----------



## iloveblue

Congratulations MissM - really hope it works out for you this time. :happydance:


----------



## Suze

Oh congrats MissM that's great news :wohoo:

And Imalia I hope it's the beginning of something for you too :thumbup:

Sorry I've not been on much, I've just been trying to keep my cool and so not read much on the loss boards at the moment. I'm 8 weeks now and everything was fine at scan last week so I'm just keeping everything crossed it, and pregnancy symptoms continues.

Lots of love to you all :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

:yipee: congratulations miss M... :) thats fantastic news!!! i have everything crossed for a H& H 9 months!! XXX

Imalia any news???

Suze i'm so glad all is going well :friends:


----------



## Imalia

Congrats Miss M. :)

As for me, no news yet. Decided to wait until after the weekend to re-test, AF will be officially late then and hopefully testing will be more reliable.


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> Imalia i really hope it turns out to be your :bfp:.... :hugs: keep us posted hun.
> 
> I hope everyone is doing ok. I got my :bfp: today.... very excited and extremely grateful...but scared as hell. xx

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
Congratulations!
I cant imagine all the feelings you must be going through, but they will all be normal and justified.
Thats great news, I am looking forward to seeing your updates xxxxx:hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Congrats Miss M. :)
> 
> As for me, no news yet. Decided to wait until after the weekend to re-test, AF will be officially late then and hopefully testing will be more reliable.

I really hope and pray for some fantastic news for you too Imalia :hugs: xxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Suze said:


> Oh congrats MissM that's great news :wohoo:
> 
> And Imalia I hope it's the beginning of something for you too :thumbup:
> 
> Sorry I've not been on much, I've just been trying to keep my cool and so not read much on the loss boards at the moment. I'm 8 weeks now and everything was fine at scan last week so I'm just keeping everything crossed it, and pregnancy symptoms continues.
> 
> Lots of love to you all :hugs:

Try to stay positive! Its hard, I havent been on here much as the last week before my 17 week scan I have been a bit nuts. Not sleeping nightmares, lots of worrying. I gave myself bad palpitations.
Hopefully all is ok, and my fluid is still intact. baby is good, ang the right size. I have got (TMI) the ocassional green tinge blob so insisted on a Swab but with No Speculum. I dont like to post here when i am feeling negative and manic. Its not good for other people to see when they are in the same boat 
I hope all goes smoothly and the rest of your pregnancy is "boring" :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Suze

Thanks MM and yes here's to BORING pregnancies!

Glad all is going well with you too, it's tough but we'll get there I'm sure :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

MaevesMummy said:


> Suze said:
> 
> 
> Oh congrats MissM that's great news :wohoo:
> 
> And Imalia I hope it's the beginning of something for you too :thumbup:
> 
> Sorry I've not been on much, I've just been trying to keep my cool and so not read much on the loss boards at the moment. I'm 8 weeks now and everything was fine at scan last week so I'm just keeping everything crossed it, and pregnancy symptoms continues.
> 
> Lots of love to you all :hugs:
> 
> Try to stay positive! Its hard, I havent been on here much as the last week before my 17 week scan I have been a bit nuts. Not sleeping nightmares, lots of worrying. I gave myself bad palpitations.
> Hopefully all is ok, and my fluid is still intact. baby is good, ang the right size. I have got (TMI) the ocassional green tinge blob so insisted on a Swab but with No Speculum. I dont like to post here when i am feeling negative and manic. Its not good for other people to see when they are in the same boat
> I hope all goes smoothly and the rest of your pregnancy is "boring" :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxClick to expand...

17-20 weeks was a low point for me too..but we are here to support each other thru the bad times too..:hugs: don't suffer in silence, i'm sure we all understand the maddness and scariness of PAL..

u are doing so well :thumbup:


----------



## tootsiegb

Congrats Miss Maternal, enjoy the next 9 months xxx


----------



## Jox

MissMaternal said:


> Imalia i really hope it turns out to be your :bfp:.... :hugs: keep us posted hun.
> 
> I hope everyone is doing ok. I got my :bfp: today.... very excited and extremely grateful...but scared as hell. xx

HUGE Congratulations MissMaternal!! So pleased to see you have got your BFP. Hoping for a long very uneventful 8 months ahead!! thinking of you lots x


----------



## ericacaca

Hello ladies, hoping I can join you 

I had a late miscarriage at 18 weeks, 3 weeks ago. We should have had our 21 weeks scan this Thursday, instead I'm back to work that day. Argh! 

As soon as I've gone through a couple of cycles we're going to start ttc. Funny thing is my granma miscarried at 18 weeks around the same time of year as me and then concieved my Dad by August! So her story has given me some hope at least. 

Love and prayers to you all
Erica x


----------



## hayley x

MissMaternal said:


> Imalia i really hope it turns out to be your :bfp:.... :hugs: keep us posted hun.
> 
> I hope everyone is doing ok. I got my :bfp: today.... very excited and extremely grateful...but scared as hell. xx

So pleased to see you have your :bfp: I really hope with everything I have that this is your Rainbow baby, you deserve so much to have a child here with you :hugs: x


----------



## babesx3

ericacaca said:


> Hello ladies, hoping I can join you
> 
> I had a late miscarriage at 18 weeks, 3 weeks ago. We should have had our 21 weeks scan this Thursday, instead I'm back to work that day. Argh!
> 
> As soon as I've gone through a couple of cycles we're going to start ttc. Funny thing is my granma miscarried at 18 weeks around the same time of year as me and then concieved my Dad by August! So her story has given me some hope at least.
> 
> Love and prayers to you all
> Erica x

:hi: so sorry for your loss, :hugs: Welcome here , Hope u get your BFP soon, maybe u will beat your gran and be preg by August!!...
Its so hard to carry on isn't it ...., i hope thursday isn't too hard for you XXX :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

Well as u can see i'm up in the night again!!!! i get terrible restless leg syndrome in pregnancy, kinda driving me nuts , but i know its a really good sign for me that all is well with the pregnancy!!!

How are all u ladys???
Imalia did u take another test??
Maevesmummy how are you doing?
iloveblue how are you?


----------



## hannpin

Hi all,

I'm really new around this section, and not ready to join you here just yet, but just thought i'd pop in to ask a few q's if you dont mind!

So we said goodbye to our little man 6 days ago. We made the decision to let him go as he had a severe form of spina biffida and we did not want him to suffer anymore. 

Anyway I just really miss being pregnant, I miss the felling of kicks and I miss my bump. I even miss the tired feeling!! And if you would have asked me 2 weeks ago I would have told you how much I hate being pregnant!! However I know that I will never be able to replace Harri, and I dont know if I want to be pregnant again, or if I just want him back :cry:

So we have been advised to take strong folic acid from GP for 3 month before TTC. I mentioned to OH last night about making an appt at GPs to get the folic acid and he bit my head off saying I need to get over this shock before even thinking of trying again. Now I can see where he is coming from, as I am nowhere near ready to start TTC. But I do feel I do now want anything to hold me back when I am ready and would rather be taking them for 6 months unnecessarily than have to wait 3 month before TTC.

Has anyone else felt like this so soon after this loss, and if so was it that you wanted another baby and went on to TCC< or were you just in shock?

Sorry for the rant I just feel so confused right now.


----------



## Bally

hannpin said:


> Hi all,
> 
> I'm really new around this section, and not ready to join you here just yet, but just thought i'd pop in to ask a few q's if you dont mind!
> 
> So we said goodbye to our little man 6 days ago. We made the decision to let him go as he had a severe form of spina biffida and we did not want him to suffer anymore.
> 
> Anyway I just really miss being pregnant, I miss the felling of kicks and I miss my bump. I even miss the tired feeling!! And if you would have asked me 2 weeks ago I would have told you how much I hate being pregnant!! However I know that I will never be able to replace Harri, and I dont know if I want to be pregnant again, or if I just want him back :cry:
> 
> So we have been advised to take strong folic acid from GP for 3 month before TTC. I mentioned to OH last night about making an appt at GPs to get the folic acid and he bit my head off saying I need to get over this shock before even thinking of trying again. Now I can see where he is coming from, as I am nowhere near ready to start TTC. But I do feel I do now want anything to hold me back when I am ready and would rather be taking them for 6 months unnecessarily than have to wait 3 month before TTC.
> 
> Has anyone else felt like this so soon after this loss, and if so was it that you wanted another baby and went on to TCC< or were you just in shock?
> 
> Sorry for the rant I just feel so confused right now.

Hi, So sorry for your loss. :hugs: The same thing happend to me in february this year. I went on to take the folic acid 3 days after I came out of hospital and have been taking it since. I think its down to how you feel, but my midwife suggested that I start taking is straight away.

I also felt that I wanted another baby straight away.

Hope you are ok and work out whats best for you :flower: :hugs:


----------



## hannpin

Bally said:


> Hi, So sorry for your loss. :hugs: The same thing happend to me in february this year. I went on to take the folic acid 3 days after I came out of hospital and have been taking it since. I think its down to how you feel, but my midwife suggested that I start taking is straight away.
> 
> I also felt that I wanted another baby straight away.
> 
> Hope you are ok and work out whats best for you :flower: :hugs:

Thanks for your respons Bally, It is really encoraging to know I am not the only one. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, it is soo hard isnt it :flower:

Can I be really nosy and ask if you still feel you want another baby, sorry if this is rude to ask


----------



## Bally

No its not rude at all, yes I still want another baby, we have been trying at the moment...no too much though(I havent had AF yet, its been 4 weeks since I gave birth to Tommy). I felt that my body was ready and it felt fine. :flower:


----------



## Imalia

Sorry I haven't been around. Got another faint positive sunday morning, but started spotting a couple of hours later, which turned heavy yesterday. Tests are now negative and my GP is chalking it up to a chemical pregnancy. Oh well, back to it I guess.


----------



## ericacaca

Bally said:


> No its not rude at all, yes I still want another baby, we have been trying at the moment...no too much though(I havent had AF yet, its been 4 weeks since I gave birth to Tommy). I felt that my body was ready and it felt fine. :flower:

Aw, sorry about your loss Bally. I've decided to start taking folic acid too. I've stopped bleeding today (woop woop!) and really really hoping and praying that it doesnt start again so I can get on with life and AF can come as soon as she can. I was quite worried about when I would stop as information out there says that you should only bleed for 7 - 10 days... but fail to mention miscarrying at 18 weeks might mean a bit of a longer recovery time! 

Our baby didnt survive due to him appearing to have a condition called Gastroschisis, his intestines were growing on the outside. We find out more on the 6th May at our "special appointment" (meaning post-mortem results). 

I'm back to work Thursday and dreading it! And then next Wednesday we have baby's memorial. The local crematorium let the hospital put on a service for the 2nd tri babies all together who didnt survive v day. We were'nt too sure about going - but if we never went I'm sure it'd haunt me forever if we didnt. 

Hope you ladies are all doing well 

Erica xxx


----------



## babesx3

I started taking a prenatal vit about a week after i lost charlie, i just wanted to be sure that i did everything i could to be fit and well to try again... i went on the higher dose folic of 5mg when pregnant....

good luck on thurs erica....

sorry to hear of chemical Imalia :hugs:


----------



## Bally

Sorry about your loss ericacaca :hugs:

Good luck on Thursday :flower:


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Sorry I haven't been around. Got another faint positive sunday morning, but started spotting a couple of hours later, which turned heavy yesterday. Tests are now negative and my GP is chalking it up to a chemical pregnancy. Oh well, back to it I guess.

I'm sorry Imalia - really thought it was your month. x


----------



## iloveblue

ericacaca said:


> Bally said:
> 
> 
> No its not rude at all, yes I still want another baby, we have been trying at the moment...no too much though(I havent had AF yet, its been 4 weeks since I gave birth to Tommy). I felt that my body was ready and it felt fine. :flower:
> 
> Aw, sorry about your loss Bally. I've decided to start taking folic acid too. I've stopped bleeding today (woop woop!) and really really hoping and praying that it doesnt start again so I can get on with life and AF can come as soon as she can. I was quite worried about when I would stop as information out there says that you should only bleed for 7 - 10 days... but fail to mention miscarrying at 18 weeks might mean a bit of a longer recovery time!
> 
> Our baby didnt survive due to him appearing to have a condition called Gastroschisis, his intestines were growing on the outside. We find out more on the 6th May at our "special appointment" (meaning post-mortem results).
> 
> I'm back to work Thursday and dreading it! And then next Wednesday we have baby's memorial. The local crematorium let the hospital put on a service for the 2nd tri babies all together who didnt survive v day. We were'nt too sure about going - but if we never went I'm sure it'd haunt me forever if we didnt.
> 
> Hope you ladies are all doing well
> 
> Erica xxxClick to expand...

Hi Erica
Sorry for your loss - and good luck for going back to work on Thursday.


----------



## FunToRun

Miss my baby boy but the last few days have been good day's even though everyone around me is pregnant or just had their babies, so i know im stronger than what i have been and have decided to start ttc again.

Going to go with babesx3 theory, if my body's not ready for a baby then it wont happen. I've started on the folic acid and vitamin d. Still not had a visit from af.

Hope everyones keeping well X


----------



## babesx3

FunToRun said:


> Miss my baby boy but the last few days have been good day's even though everyone around me is pregnant or just had their babies, so i know im stronger than what i have been and have decided to start ttc again.
> 
> Going to go with babesx3 theory, if my body's not ready for a baby then it wont happen. I've started on the folic acid and vitamin d. Still not had a visit from af.
> 
> Hope everyones keeping well X

good luck with TTc :friends:
its an emotional rollercoaster, but worth it (i hope) when we get our little rainbow baby XX


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Sorry I haven't been around. Got another faint positive sunday morning, but started spotting a couple of hours later, which turned heavy yesterday. Tests are now negative and my GP is chalking it up to a chemical pregnancy. Oh well, back to it I guess.

I am so sorry Imalia,
I can not imagine how you must feel 
Lots of hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

Well, I went back to work today. It's amazing how understanding how everyone is. As I'm a teacher its all a bit daunting to just go straight back into a class of questioning/challenging teenagers so I'm off timetable for a couple of days just to ease me in. 

I told my GCSE students today (there's only two of them), they gave me huge hugs bless them. I'm going to brave taking my form tomorrow and letting them know why I've been off as I'm sure there are all sorts of rumours gong round! At least if I tell one group of students then it'll pass round that way rather than me having to tell the 300 kids I see each week! Yes I might get teary, but in all fairness they need to know that this kind of thing happens when trying for a family and they also need to see an example picking themselves up and trying again no matter what the situation is. And thats the way I intend to throw it! 

Hope all you ladies are doing well. Sorry about the CP Imalia, just keep trying :hugs:

Love and prayers
xxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Imalia i'm really sorry :hugs:

Sorry to hear that we have new members - no one deserves to be here, but it's good that we have each other for support. In response to hann, i started taking folic acid again straight away after my first loss and we TTC straight away too. But the first time we had sex after our first loss (i think it was about 2 weeks after we lost her) i burst into tears and couldn't carry on. I wasn't ready, just make sure it's right for you xxx


----------



## iloveblue

Hello everyone
Been very quiet on here - just wanted to say hi and hope you are all okay.

I've just broken up for Easter holidays (I'm a teacher too Erica) and looking forward to spending some time with my boys.

Had a letter from my consultant last week summarising our meeting in March. It was very compassionate and I found it very reassuring. She set out what will happen in any future pregnancies - early scan, extra scan at 16-17 wks, and reassurance scans in later stages too if I want them - which is great.


----------



## kam78

Hello Everyone!!

I am Kelly ... Emma Gail's mommy&#9829;

She was taken from us 17 days ago at 19.4 weeks gestation ... I am so ready to TTC again but scared... We already got our results back and she was perfectly healthy... Now, we are waiting to see if "I" can carry a baby to term... I have to wait 4 more weeks to see but I so wanna be preg by this November... 

About how long did it take to get you girl's systems all squared away & started having normal AF after your losses??

Bless you beautiful ladies & your angels.... &#9829;


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> Hello everyone
> Been very quiet on here - just wanted to say hi and hope you are all okay.
> 
> I've just broken up for Easter holidays (I'm a teacher too Erica) and looking forward to spending some time with my boys.
> 
> Had a letter from my consultant last week summarising our meeting in March. It was very compassionate and I found it very reassuring. She set out what will happen in any future pregnancies - early scan, extra scan at 16-17 wks, and reassurance scans in later stages too if I want them - which is great.

:hi: iloveblue lovely to hear from u !! How are u getting on?
the extra scans and care sounds really good!! are you feeling like u are ready to TTC again yet?


----------



## babesx3

kam78 said:


> Hello Everyone!!
> 
> I am Kelly ... Emma Gail's mommy
> 
> She was taken from us 17 days ago at 19.4 weeks gestation ... I am so ready to TTC again but scared... We already got our results back and she was perfectly healthy... Now, we are waiting to see if "I" can carry a baby to term... I have to wait 4 more weeks to see but I so wanna be preg by this November...
> 
> About how long did it take to get you girl's systems all squared away & started having normal AF after your losses??
> 
> Bless you beautiful ladies & your angels....

Hi Kelly
so sorry to hear of your loss :hugs:
I had an AF approx 4-5 weeks after my loss....
all going well so far with my pregnancy FX
hope u get the all clear soon XX


----------



## babesx3

Well Mini B is 27 weeks today :yipee: can't believe how far along i am now... i seem to have been holding my breath for so long i think i really should relax a little now!!!
I have a growth scan on weds to check on baby size... seems funny now to be worrying about a big baby when all i've done so far this pregnancy is worry if baby is still alive.. 

He's a real kicker which is great, and very reasuring.. i've put a count the kicks sheet on my fridge to keep track of him... want to make sure if there is any sign hes not happy that i can see and do something about it...

How are the other ladies with bumps doing? keeping sane i hope :friends:

Any news on any BFP's from the TTc ladies ?? have my fingers crossed for u all :friends:


----------



## MissMaternal

Hi Kelly! I am so sorry to hear of your loss, your avatar picture if beautiful :hugs:

I had a period 4 weeks and 5 days after my first loss. After my second loss though it took 16 weeks!

Babesx3 i can't believe you are 27 weeks already! 

I am not doing too good...started spotting brown discharge yesterday afternoon, and today there has been more (mostly brown, but a bit of red/pink) with some mild cramps :cry: I phoned my midwife today and she has booked me in for an early scan at the EPAU for 1200 on Wednesday. I am so bloody scared :cry: I can't imagine having a third MC... Need some positivity xxx


----------



## kam78

Thank you girls ... I am & will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers... 

Well wishes with your bumps!!! : ))) I am so excited for you all! (Gives me such HOPE, which I so desperatly need)) ~ &#9829; Xoxo


----------



## babesx3

MissMaternal said:


> Hi Kelly! I am so sorry to hear of your loss, your avatar picture if beautiful :hugs:
> 
> I had a period 4 weeks and 5 days after my first loss. After my second loss though it took 16 weeks!
> 
> Babesx3 i can't believe you are 27 weeks already!
> 
> I am not doing too good...started spotting brown discharge yesterday afternoon, and today there has been more (mostly brown, but a bit of red/pink) with some mild cramps :cry: I phoned my midwife today and she has booked me in for an early scan at the EPAU for 1200 on Wednesday. I am so bloody scared :cry: I can't imagine having a third MC... Need some positivity xxx

:hugs: I have everything crossed for u , will be thinking of u on weds!! its gonna be a tough day for u tomorrow waiting ...:hugs:
I'm sure u know there are positive outcomes from spotting as well as negative, will be praying for a positive outcome..it could be bean bedding in still?? :shrug: Take care XXX


----------



## kam78

MissMaternal~ Prayers & love sent your way!!! XOXOXO


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> Hi Kelly! I am so sorry to hear of your loss, your avatar picture if beautiful :hugs:
> 
> I had a period 4 weeks and 5 days after my first loss. After my second loss though it took 16 weeks!
> 
> Babesx3 i can't believe you are 27 weeks already!
> 
> I am not doing too good...started spotting brown discharge yesterday afternoon, and today there has been more (mostly brown, but a bit of red/pink) with some mild cramps :cry: I phoned my midwife today and she has booked me in for an early scan at the EPAU for 1200 on Wednesday. I am so bloody scared :cry: I can't imagine having a third MC... Need some positivity xxx

:hugs:
Try not to worry I know it must be so hard. Will be thinking of you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Thanks for all your kind wishes. I am aware that bleeding can be normal, but am also aware that i have had 2 miscarriages already, so why not a third? :cry: I feel so helpless


----------



## MissMaternal

That sounded a bit bitchy... i didn't mean it to..:hugs: xx


----------



## Jox

Thinking of you missmaternal and hoping everything is perfect at your scan on wednesday :hugs: x

Babesx3 - 27 weeks!! how did that happen!!! :happydance: x

Hope everyone is ok x


----------



## iloveblue

MissMaternal said:


> Thanks for all your kind wishes. I am aware that bleeding can be normal, but am also aware that i have had 2 miscarriages already, so why not a third? :cry: I feel so helpless

Oh MissM - why is life so shit.
I'm really hoping that everything is okay with you. x

At least if the worst does happen, you will be referred for recurrent miscarriage testing. Thats what I keep telling myself anyway, when thinking of TTC again.


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hello everyone
> Been very quiet on here - just wanted to say hi and hope you are all okay.
> 
> I've just broken up for Easter holidays (I'm a teacher too Erica) and looking forward to spending some time with my boys.
> 
> Had a letter from my consultant last week summarising our meeting in March. It was very compassionate and I found it very reassuring. She set out what will happen in any future pregnancies - early scan, extra scan at 16-17 wks, and reassurance scans in later stages too if I want them - which is great.
> 
> :hi: iloveblue lovely to hear from u !! How are u getting on?
> the extra scans and care sounds really good!! are you feeling like u are ready to TTC again yet?Click to expand...

Hi Nats
I'm okay thanks - feeling much better and more positive.
We are TTC again - think I have ovulated but wasn't tracking so we'll see how it goes.
I'm so scared of losing another baby, but its a risk I'm willing to take.

Hooray for 27 weeks! Its really not long till you have your little boy in your arms - I'm glad you are starting to feel more relaxed, and he is reassuring you with lots of kicks. xx


----------



## iloveblue

kam78 said:


> Hello Everyone!!
> 
> I am Kelly ... Emma Gail's mommy
> 
> She was taken from us 17 days ago at 19.4 weeks gestation ... I am so ready to TTC again but scared... We already got our results back and she was perfectly healthy... Now, we are waiting to see if "I" can carry a baby to term... I have to wait 4 more weeks to see but I so wanna be preg by this November...
> 
> About how long did it take to get you girl's systems all squared away & started having normal AF after your losses??
> 
> Bless you beautiful ladies & your angels....

Hi Kelly
I'm so sorry for your loss - I saw your pics, Emma Gail was beautiful.
I'm glad you got your results so quickly - it took us 5 months to get ours! We also found out that our little boy was perfect. Its so frustrating isn't it.

I also got my AF 4-5 weeks after.


----------



## MissMaternal

iloveblue said:


> MissMaternal said:
> 
> 
> Thanks for all your kind wishes. I am aware that bleeding can be normal, but am also aware that i have had 2 miscarriages already, so why not a third? :cry: I feel so helpless
> 
> Oh MissM - why is life so shit.
> I'm really hoping that everything is okay with you. x
> 
> At least if the worst does happen, you will be referred for recurrent miscarriage testing. Thats what I keep telling myself anyway, when thinking of TTC again.Click to expand...

I don't know why life is so shit. I keep thinking "what did i do to deserve this?" I know no-one deserves it.. i wouldn't wish it on anyone..but still...

It is good that hopefully they will do some testing..but i wish i wasn't a position to need testing.

Do you have a date set for TTC again? How are you feeling?

I think i forgot to post this in this section, but when i went to the doctor's to confirm this pregnancy, the doctor pointed out a letter which was on my file. It was a letter from the consultant we saw after we lost Freya, and it stated a reason for her death. She died because there was clotting in the placenta so nothing was getting through to her. it's the first we've heard of it. I'm so angry that the letter never got passed onto us :growlmad: But it's good to have a reason. I was put on baby aspirin for this pregnancy to prevent it happening again, but obviously things still went wrong anyway.

Just went to the toilet, and there was more red than brown on the paper...and a clot.


----------



## Imalia

Thinking of you MissM. Will be keeping my fingers crossed that everything is ok on Wednesday.

We're back to TTC, waiting to O, and trying to keep positive, but dammit, it's so bloody difficult.


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: Miss M XXX


----------



## Jox

Missmaternal - really hoping this little bean holds on strong. I can't believe they didn't tell u about the blood clotting :-( did they test ur blood for 'sticky blood'? It's a blood clotting disorder. There r daily injections some people r given, one is clexane, maybe speak to ur doc about that? Really hope theres no need tho :hugs: x


----------



## knmum

hi all,
glad to see this support. I am waiting for my AF but was thinking whether should I wait for a few more to try again. Does the ovulation happened after the 1st AF? Did anyone conceive after the first cycle?
I only stopped bleeding about a week ago after 4 weeks of it since m/c happened. I was 20 weeks. I am scared at the same time I wanted to try as well.
Another thing (sorry to ask too much Q) I wonder does anyone go on diet to lose some weight before ttc, is it ok? 
(p.s I am not a big girl only need to lose a stone for ideal weight)


----------



## tootsiegb

MissM I have my fingers crossed for you. I hope you get good news today.

KNmum, I am so sorry you have had to join us. I too lost my baby at about 20 weeks. I bled for 6 weeks & then my period came five weeks later. I got pregnant the following cycle but unfortunately lost that one early on at 8 weeks.
I am TTC & I am too trying to lose weight. What harm can it do. As long as you eat properly when you find out you are pregnant.

I am in my two week wait. I am praying that we will be pregnant, but am nervous too as the baby would be due around the same time as my first angel would have been.

Hope everyone else is ok. 

Tootsie


----------



## MissMaternal

It wasn't good news today, i have miscarried again.

I was well prepared to hear that news though, i am sure i passed it last night so it wasn't a big shock, i'm just sad that i now fall into the "recurrent miscarriage" category. Nobody deserves any of this

xx


----------



## Jox

missmaternal - i am so so sorry. This is so so shit. its just not fair. you certainly dont deserve this :sad: x


----------



## iloveblue

I'm so sorry MissM xxx


----------



## Suze

Oh MissM I'm so sorry, you don't deserve this, no-one deserves this. It's a crap way to fall into a category in which they'll do some further testing but maybe you'll get some answers :shrug:
You take care :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

:hugs:
I'm so so sorry Miss M :hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
So sorry to hear this sad news. no one should ever have to through this. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## knmum

so sorry to hear that missM no one deserve any of this. Dun give up!

tootsie, thanks for ur reply. many baby dust for you! hope to hear your good news!

Did anyone started any folic acid before ttc? I have a friend she was ttc for a long time then she start to consume folic acid and next thing she was preg! So maybe folic acid is not only for the spinal but helps to be more fertile?!


----------



## FunToRun

BIG hugs to you missM:hugs::hugs:


----------



## FunToRun

knmum said:


> so sorry to hear that missM no one deserve any of this. Dun give up!
> 
> tootsie, thanks for ur reply. many baby dust for you! hope to hear your good news!
> 
> Did anyone started any folic acid before ttc? I have a friend she was ttc for a long time then she start to consume folic acid and next thing she was preg! So maybe folic acid is not only for the spinal but helps to be more fertile?!

Hey knmum i've been taking my vit D and folic acid, started about 2 weeks after my loss. Just got my Af on saturday. Fx i go back to my 28 day cycle.


----------



## iloveblue

tootsiegb said:


> MissM I have my fingers crossed for you. I hope you get good news today.
> 
> KNmum, I am so sorry you have had to join us. I too lost my baby at about 20 weeks. I bled for 6 weeks & then my period came five weeks later. I got pregnant the following cycle but unfortunately lost that one early on at 8 weeks.
> I am TTC & I am too trying to lose weight. What harm can it do. As long as you eat properly when you find out you are pregnant.
> 
> I am in my two week wait. I am praying that we will be pregnant, but am nervous too as the baby would be due around the same time as my first angel would have been.
> 
> Hope everyone else is ok.
> 
> Tootsie

Just realised that we have almost identical histories Tootsie.
I lost a little boy at 20 weeks in October last year and had an early miscarriage in Feb at 7/8 weeks. Am also in 2ww.

Did you ever find out why you lost your baby at 20 wks?


----------



## babesx3

knmum said:


> so sorry to hear that missM no one deserve any of this. Dun give up!
> 
> tootsie, thanks for ur reply. many baby dust for you! hope to hear your good news!
> 
> Did anyone started any folic acid before ttc? I have a friend she was ttc for a long time then she start to consume folic acid and next thing she was preg! So maybe folic acid is not only for the spinal but helps to be more fertile?!

Folic acid should definatley be taken BEFORE ttc!!! I have been taking a higher dose, 5mg reccommended by consultant...may be worth asking if u need to to!!!


----------



## babesx3

Good luck iloveblue and toots in the 2ww!!!! where abouts are you!!! will keep my FX!!!



Had my scan on weds and all is looking good :thumbup: baby is measuring big, estimated at 2lb11oz ATM.. which is on 90% thats good news as all my kids have been on the big side!!! :)
They will scan again in 4 weeks and are keeping a close eye on me, the consultant wants me to see MW weekly too.. its reasuring that they are really watching the pregnancy....
I talked to them about kick counting and when i should go in..they basiclly said to ring in if i was ever worried and to come in if need be...which is nice to know i won't be fobbed off!!

maevesmummy hows your bump.. i see u are 20+ weeks now :thumbup: thats great!! how are you feeling? are u managing to keep calm?


----------



## tootsiegb

[/QUOTE]

Just realised that we have almost identical histories Tootsie.
I lost a little boy at 20 weeks in October last year and had an early miscarriage in Feb at 7/8 weeks. Am also in 2ww.

Did you ever find out why you lost your baby at 20 wks?[/QUOTE]

Hi sweetie no they found no reason for our loss, they just said that it was bad luck. Just praying its third time lucky. For me & for you.

MissM sorry to hear that sending :hugs:

I am 4dpo at the minute, where are you in your cycle?
Trying not to get my hopes up, but i know we did the deed at the right time.
Take care :hugs: to you all

Tootsie


----------



## tootsiegb

babesx3,

I am glad to all is well with you. Its nice, and so reassuring to hear that you are doing so well. It gives me hope.

xxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Good luck iloveblue and toots in the 2ww!!!! where abouts are you!!! will keep my FX!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Had my scan on weds and all is looking good :thumbup: baby is measuring big, estimated at 2lb11oz ATM.. which is on 90% thats good news as all my kids have been on the big side!!! :)
> They will scan again in 4 weeks and are keeping a close eye on me, the consultant wants me to see MW weekly too.. its reasuring that they are really watching the pregnancy....
> I talked to them about kick counting and when i should go in..they basiclly said to ring in if i was ever worried and to come in if need be...which is nice to know i won't be fobbed off!!
> 
> maevesmummy hows your bump.. i see u are 20+ weeks now :thumbup: thats great!! how are you feeling? are u managing to keep calm?

Thats great news Nats! My boys were both 9lbers too - I wouldn't know what to do with a tiny baby!
I'm glad they are looking after you well and giving you the support you need. x

I'm about 7/8 dpo I think - don't know exactly when I ovulated. AF due on the 22nd. I've had no symptoms and to be honest, will be happy either way. Its my brothers wedding in May and it would be nice to have a few drinks without having to worry.


----------



## iloveblue

Just realised that we have almost identical histories Tootsie.
I lost a little boy at 20 weeks in October last year and had an early miscarriage in Feb at 7/8 weeks. Am also in 2ww.

Did you ever find out why you lost your baby at 20 wks?[/QUOTE]

Hi sweetie no they found no reason for our loss, they just said that it was bad luck. Just praying its third time lucky. For me & for you.

MissM sorry to hear that sending :hugs:

I am 4dpo at the minute, where are you in your cycle?
Trying not to get my hopes up, but i know we did the deed at the right time.
Take care :hugs: to you all

Tootsie[/QUOTE]

We never had a reason either - also told it was bad luck and that our two losses were not linked.

I'm about 7/8 dpo I think. 
3rd time lucky for us definitely xx


----------



## babesx3

ooo goodluck iloveblue!!! not long to wait..its good u would be happy either way :hugs: but i will hope for bfp!! :)


----------



## jenny25

he guys i thought id pop in ive not been in for a while just thought id give you an update 

jamies due date next week hard to believe that its came around so quick i have been attending the fertility clinic which seems like forever i have my final test with them a week on thus to check if my tubes are ok then paul has his then finally we get to make the appointment to see the consultant ... 5 months down the line still not pregnant still in a mess and planning a wedding im getting married in 5 months time x


----------



## MissMaternal

jenny25 said:


> he guys i thought id pop in ive not been in for a while just thought id give you an update
> 
> jamies due date next week hard to believe that its came around so quick i have been attending the fertility clinic which seems like forever i have my final test with them a week on thus to check if my tubes are ok then paul has his then finally we get to make the appointment to see the consultant ... 5 months down the line still not pregnant still in a mess and planning a wedding im getting married in 5 months time x

Hi Jenny! I was thinking of you the other day, was wondering how you were. It's scary how quickly due dates come around...it was my second angel's due date on Tuesday, and the day was made even sadder because on Tuesday i had my third miscarriage :cry: Good luck with your appointment :flower: I now have to go for tests seeing as i've now lost 3...not looking forward to it at all, but hopefully it will solve things for me. Take care hun xx


----------



## tootsiegb

iloveblue,

How weird i am due af on the 22nd too. I have a slightly short LP.

Do have some symptoms but probably in my head. I would be happy either way this month too, as my first angel was conceived at exactly the same time last year, so all the dates would be similar for scans, due date etc, if i caught this month.

Take care & keep me updated.

tootsie xxx


----------



## iloveblue

tootsiegb said:


> iloveblue,
> 
> How weird i am due af on the 22nd too. I have a slightly short LP.
> 
> Do have some symptoms but probably in my head. I would be happy either way this month too, as my first angel was conceived at exactly the same time last year, so all the dates would be similar for scans, due date etc, if i caught this month.
> 
> Take care & keep me updated.
> 
> tootsie xxx

That is strange!
Still no symptoms here - and I've got that bloaty pre-AF type of feeling, so pretty sure she's on her way.
Got my fingers crossed for you x


----------



## MaevesMummy

Its nice to see lots of new people here, and at the same time its not at all nice. Sorry everyone has gone through this terrible thing.
I had my 20 week scan a week ago. Everything was good, well not quite as straight forward as I would like. May have an issue with Talipes. 
I know I should hfeel really happy, and I know how lucky I am. but i miss my Maevey baby so much. I have been in tears constantly this week. Very emotional. I am finally emotionally attached to this little one (Much tears in scan) who I can tell already looks like daddy, but is also much like his/her big sister. Its so stroppy it hates morning wake ups, and hates the doppler. Its so stroing I can feel the kicks on the outside. 
Today was lovely, I thought back to my plans for our first born, and I just feel sad, no blanket on the lawn and bare bottom. 
Sorry for the ramble just feeling a bit guilty. Everyone else seems to have forgotten her. No one thought of me on mothers day. I have basically stopped speaking to my family. xxxxxx


----------



## wish2bmum

Hi ladies, just posting for a little PMA so to speak!! Letting myself get really down that haven't had af or ov since loosing Buddy, 8 weeks ago! I can't get over the need to be pregnant again nor the constant desire to have a family, I know it takes time but not even having the chance to conceive is starting to wear on me now, I just want my fertility to return. sorry for what must read like a rant but needed to vent and hoped this was the place. Hope everyone's enjoying the lovely weather :)


----------



## babesx3

MaevesMummy said:


> Its nice to see lots of new people here, and at the same time its not at all nice. Sorry everyone has gone through this terrible thing.
> I had my 20 week scan a week ago. Everything was good, well not quite as straight forward as I would like. May have an issue with Talipes.
> I know I should hfeel really happy, and I know how lucky I am. but i miss my Maevey baby so much. I have been in tears constantly this week. Very emotional. I am finally emotionally attached to this little one (Much tears in scan) who I can tell already looks like daddy, but is also much like his/her big sister. Its so stroppy it hates morning wake ups, and hates the doppler. Its so stroing I can feel the kicks on the outside.
> Today was lovely, I thought back to my plans for our first born, and I just feel sad, no blanket on the lawn and bare bottom.
> Sorry for the ramble just feeling a bit guilty. Everyone else seems to have forgotten her. No one thought of me on mothers day. I have basically stopped speaking to my family. xxxxxx

:hugs: PAL is so hard... I found it really hard around the same gestation , like u say , its bonding with a different baby that messes with your head..... It does get slightly easier, but i still have my crying days when my head gets confused :cry:

I'm so glad to hear the pregnancy is going well though:friends:

Its only natural to have down days ... our hearts will never quite be the same :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

wish2bmum said:


> Hi ladies, just posting for a little PMA so to speak!! Letting myself get really down that haven't had af or ov since loosing Buddy, 8 weeks ago! I can't get over the need to be pregnant again nor the constant desire to have a family, I know it takes time but not even having the chance to conceive is starting to wear on me now, I just want my fertility to return. sorry for what must read like a rant but needed to vent and hoped this was the place. Hope everyone's enjoying the lovely weather :)

:hugs: completely understand that need to be pregnant again......

If AF doesn't return , i think there is something u can take to make it return :shrug: i'm sure i've read somewhere on here... maybe u could ask docs?? it is still early days tho yet so they may want u to wait a while longer...:hugs:


----------



## MissMaternal

wish2bmum said:


> Hi ladies, just posting for a little PMA so to speak!! Letting myself get really down that haven't had af or ov since loosing Buddy, 8 weeks ago! I can't get over the need to be pregnant again nor the constant desire to have a family, I know it takes time but not even having the chance to conceive is starting to wear on me now, I just want my fertility to return. sorry for what must read like a rant but needed to vent and hoped this was the place. Hope everyone's enjoying the lovely weather :)

This is definitely the place hun, we are all here for each other :flower:

I understand the feeling of NEEDING to be pregnant again...i know that feeling all too well. It is so hard to accept that we have no control over our bodies in these circumstances...after my second loss it took 16 weeks for my periods to come back, and in the time i was waiting, i felt so helpless. I really hope your periods come back soon so you can start TTC again to have your little family :flower:

I haven't really had to chance to enjoy the weather, i was at work all day! But i hope everyone else has enjoyed it!

xx


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> Its nice to see lots of new people here, and at the same time its not at all nice. Sorry everyone has gone through this terrible thing.
> I had my 20 week scan a week ago. Everything was good, well not quite as straight forward as I would like. May have an issue with Talipes.
> I know I should hfeel really happy, and I know how lucky I am. but i miss my Maevey baby so much. I have been in tears constantly this week. Very emotional. I am finally emotionally attached to this little one (Much tears in scan) who I can tell already looks like daddy, but is also much like his/her big sister. Its so stroppy it hates morning wake ups, and hates the doppler. Its so stroing I can feel the kicks on the outside.
> Today was lovely, I thought back to my plans for our first born, and I just feel sad, no blanket on the lawn and bare bottom.
> Sorry for the ramble just feeling a bit guilty. Everyone else seems to have forgotten her. No one thought of me on mothers day. I have basically stopped speaking to my family. xxxxxx

Hi MaevesMummy
Lovely to hear from you - I'm so glad everything is progressing well with little one. It must be hard - all those conflicting emotions. 
I'm sorry that your family have not been more supportive.


----------



## iloveblue

wish2bmum said:


> Hi ladies, just posting for a little PMA so to speak!! Letting myself get really down that haven't had af or ov since loosing Buddy, 8 weeks ago! I can't get over the need to be pregnant again nor the constant desire to have a family, I know it takes time but not even having the chance to conceive is starting to wear on me now, I just want my fertility to return. sorry for what must read like a rant but needed to vent and hoped this was the place. Hope everyone's enjoying the lovely weather :)

Hi w2bm - I can only echo what the Nats and MissM have said. Might be worth seeing doctor to see if there is anything they can do. 
The desperate desire for a baby is completly normal and understandable and does fade slightly over time.
Hope AF shows up for you soon x


----------



## iloveblue

Hello everyone
Hope you've all had a lovely Easter weekend.

No BFP for me this month - AF arrived a few days ago, but I'm fine with that. 
We hadn't really TTC properly - we will be trying a bit harder this cycle!!


----------



## FunToRun

How is everyone keeping??

Thats me now on the 2ww (10 days now) and im not even sure if i ov. Couldnt bd very much coz of kids and hubbies shifts but fx anyway.

:hugs: to everyone


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> Hello everyone
> Hope you've all had a lovely Easter weekend.
> 
> No BFP for me this month - AF arrived a few days ago, but I'm fine with that.
> We hadn't really TTC properly - we will be trying a bit harder this cycle!!

:hugs: sorry iloveblue 

i did try to reply last night but stupid thing wouldn't post :(

Glad u are feeling more positive about going for it this month!!!

how have u been?


----------



## babesx3

FunToRun said:


> How is everyone keeping??
> 
> Thats me now on the 2ww (10 days now) and im not even sure if i ov. Couldnt bd very much coz of kids and hubbies shifts but fx anyway.
> 
> :hugs: to everyone

Good luck in 2WW :dust:

What ages are your other children?

mine have a tendency to stop any naughties going on too..:haha:


----------



## babesx3

Bump is growing well, been feeling really tired lately , i don't sleep well and the kids are on the go all the time... i know its worth it tho' :) 
my next scan is 2 weeks tomorrow.. really looking forward to seeing how baby is growing... they have said they will do me a 39 week induction, but i'm hoping for a 37+ week induction... mainly cos of feeling anxious about baby and i feel that once he is techniocally full term i'd like him out safe and well... another 2 weeks is growing time that my babies generally don't need, as they are big....
will see what consultant says at my next visit....:shrug:
I had my 2nd baby naturally at 36+3 so kinda hoping that this one decides to come on his own anytime after that would be great...
I've been pregnant almost a year now :wacko: and i'm getting ready to actually have my baby now.... fast forward 7-9 weeks !!! would be great !!!!


----------



## Imalia

Hope everyone had a good easter weekend, mine kind of sucked in places. Got so mad and had a fight with my best friend. Her daughter is pregnant, she got pregnant fairly quickly after our loss and that hurt enough, but then she chose this weekend to announce she's having a boy (like we did) and naming him the same name we did. As irrational as it sounds, my first response was "F-ing witch has stolen my baby"

we're sitting in the dreaded tww too, although I'm not sure how far through. I think I'm about 10dpo, but FF says 5dpo. Feeling kind of strange too. So hungry all the time my tummy hurts and I feel sick, but when I try and eat I can only manage a few mouthfuls before I just don't want to eat any more.


----------



## FunToRun

babesx3 said:


> FunToRun said:
> 
> 
> How is everyone keeping??
> 
> Thats me now on the 2ww (10 days now) and im not even sure if i ov. Couldnt bd very much coz of kids and hubbies shifts but fx anyway.
> 
> :hugs: to everyone
> 
> Good luck in 2WW :dust:
> 
> What ages are your other children?
> 
> mine have a tendency to stop any naughties going on too..:haha:Click to expand...

ds is 8 and dd is 3 going on 13 :haha: They seam to know when ur planing an early night.


----------



## FunToRun

Imalia said:


> Hope everyone had a good easter weekend, mine kind of sucked in places. Got so mad and had a fight with my best friend. Her daughter is pregnant, she got pregnant fairly quickly after our loss and that hurt enough, but then she chose this weekend to announce she's having a boy (like we did) and naming him the same name we did. As irrational as it sounds, my first response was "F-ing witch has stolen my baby"
> 
> we're sitting in the dreaded tww too, although I'm not sure how far through. I think I'm about 10dpo, but FF says 5dpo. Feeling kind of strange too. So hungry all the time my tummy hurts and I feel sick, but when I try and eat I can only manage a few mouthfuls before I just don't want to eat any more.

That sucks big time Imalia, i would be really pissed off too!!! Im not having any strange feelings and im eating like a horse as usual :blush:. Went right off food in my other pg's. Fx for you. :hugs:


----------



## MissMaternal

Oh Imalia that is so thoughtless!! Sometimes i wonder if some people actually spare a thought for how we feel, having been through what we have. And to choose the same NAME?! i am speechless... 

Hope you are dealing with it the best you can. My best friend is 22 weeks pregnant and i haven't seen her for weeks, i just can't bring myself to do it. So i understand how hard it is when people you know are pregnant...i think we all know how that feels a little too well :cry: Stay strong hun, hope you get your BFP xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia thats terrible. I would be mad too xxxxxxx

Hope everyone else is ok? Good luck ladies on the 2WW and thinking of everyone else on here too xxxxx


----------



## FunToRun

OMG!!!!!!!

Couldnt wait till friday to test so done one this morning and its a :bfp: :happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## babesx3

ooooooo :yipee:
Congratulations funto run!!! :) :) :) :friends:
so chuffed for u!!! XXXX
may it be a happy healthy 9 months!!!


----------



## MaevesMummy

Congratulations! I cant wait for more BFP's on here, everyone deserves so much hapiness after all they have been through. 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## kam78

Oh Wow! Congrats FunToRun!!! I am soooo super excited for you, LOVE to hear this kind of news!!! Enjoy babe!! Xoxoxo : D


----------



## FunToRun

Thanks everyone!!! XX


----------



## iloveblue

FunToRun said:


> OMG!!!!!!!
> 
> Couldnt wait till friday to test so done one this morning and its a :bfp: :happydance::happydance::happydance:

Congratulations!! How are you feeling?


----------



## FunToRun

Thanks iloveblue:hugs:

Dont feel as though im pregnant, im like 'i want to have all the symptoms under the sun and i promise i wont moan!!!'.

Really scared this time round, wasnt too bad with my dd (had her after a late loss at 16+6 weeks) but that was because i was told it was a one off and wouldnt happen again and now that it has happened to me twice i feel as if im putting myself up for another fall.

Still not had my pm results, i go for them on Monday. So im still unsure as to why we lost our baby boy. Just have my fingers and toes crossed that its nothing that can affect this pregnancy. X


----------



## tootsiegb

Congrats fun to run, and good luck today. I am trying again now, currently cd16ish.
How is everyone else?
xx


----------



## FunToRun

Got my pm results today. They couldnt find anything wrong. In one way im glad because that means i shouldnt have anything to worry in this pregnancy but then i still have the big WHY hinging over my head, if nothing was wrong with me or the baby then WHY?? WHY a second time, WHY was it round about the same time as my first loss (give or take a few days):cry::cry:

As for this pregnancy the consultant said they would keep an eye on me till im 20 weeks then treat it as a normal pregnancy. Should get a scan about 6 weeks.


----------



## iloveblue

FunToRun said:


> Got my pm results today. They couldnt find anything wrong. In one way im glad because that means i shouldnt have anything to worry in this pregnancy but then i still have the big WHY hinging over my head, if nothing was wrong with me or the baby then WHY?? WHY a second time, WHY was it round about the same time as my first loss (give or take a few days):cry::cry:
> 
> As for this pregnancy the consultant said they would keep an eye on me till im 20 weeks then treat it as a normal pregnancy. Should get a scan about 6 weeks.

It was the same for us unfortunately. No reason found. But like you say it means that hopefully everything should go okay for you this time. Hope you get a scan date through soon x


----------



## iloveblue

tootsiegb said:


> Congrats fun to run, and good luck today. I am trying again now, currently cd16ish.
> How is everyone else?
> xx

I am also CD16 today! Are we the same person?? :huh:

We have BD'ed every other day so far - worked last time we did this. 
I bought a pack of OPK's but got fed up with them and have given up - not sure if I've ovulated yet, but we'll see.


----------



## iloveblue

Hi everyone else - hope you're all okay

I've just seen the news about Kelly Brook.
Its so sad. :sad2:
I can't believe that three celebrities have had late losses in the 6 months since mine: Lily Allen, Amanda Holden and now Kelly.

I was just looking at a lovely pic of Kelly and her chap yesterday - she had a lovely little bump and looked so happy.


----------



## babesx3

FunToRun said:


> Got my pm results today. They couldnt find anything wrong. In one way im glad because that means i shouldnt have anything to worry in this pregnancy but then i still have the big WHY hinging over my head, if nothing was wrong with me or the baby then WHY?? WHY a second time, WHY was it round about the same time as my first loss (give or take a few days):cry::cry:
> 
> As for this pregnancy the consultant said they would keep an eye on me till im 20 weeks then treat it as a normal pregnancy. Should get a scan about 6 weeks.

:hugs:
I don't know why..:( i got no reason either, and my baby died around the same gestation too!! :shrug: surely they must know what happens at this time that could be a cause???:shrug:

I found it very difficult getting to 20 weeks, i hope they will scan u often to reasure u !! :hugs:
i had them weekly over the time i lost charlie, i did help a little , although the torture of getting on the scan bed did send me over the edge a few times :cry: at least from around 20 weeks u strat to get regular movements and that really helps ....
Have they put u on any meds?? I got put on 5mg Folic and 75mg of Asprin...


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> tootsiegb said:
> 
> 
> Congrats fun to run, and good luck today. I am trying again now, currently cd16ish.
> How is everyone else?
> xx
> 
> I am also CD16 today! Are we the same person?? :huh:
> 
> We have BD'ed every other day so far - worked last time we did this.
> I bought a pack of OPK's but got fed up with them and have given up - not sure if I've ovulated yet, but we'll see.Click to expand...

will be hoping for double bfp news in a couple of weeks then!!! :friends:


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> Hi everyone else - hope you're all okay
> 
> I've just seen the news about Kelly Brook.
> Its so sad. :sad2:
> I can't believe that three celebrities have had late losses in the 6 months since mine: Lily Allen, Amanda Holden and now Kelly.
> 
> I was just looking at a lovely pic of Kelly and her chap yesterday - she had a lovely little bump and looked so happy.

:cry: its so sad isn't it..brings the pain back cos u know just how she feels :(



All well with me and bump.. i have a growth scan tomorrow, so looking forward to seeing him again, seems ages since i saw him...... i'm even taking the kids which is a big step forward......
hes a really good wriggler which is really helping me.... although i still can't get out of bed till i feel him move in the am :blush: just like to feel him before the day starts!!!


----------



## FunToRun

babesx3 said:


> FunToRun said:
> 
> 
> Got my pm results today. They couldnt find anything wrong. In one way im glad because that means i shouldnt have anything to worry in this pregnancy but then i still have the big WHY hinging over my head, if nothing was wrong with me or the baby then WHY?? WHY a second time, WHY was it round about the same time as my first loss (give or take a few days):cry::cry:
> 
> As for this pregnancy the consultant said they would keep an eye on me till im 20 weeks then treat it as a normal pregnancy. Should get a scan about 6 weeks.
> 
> :hugs:
> I don't know why..:( i got no reason either, and my baby died around the same gestation too!! :shrug: surely they must know what happens at this time that could be a cause???:shrug:
> 
> I found it very difficult getting to 20 weeks, i hope they will scan u often to reasure u !! :hugs:
> i had them weekly over the time i lost charlie, i did help a little , although the torture of getting on the scan bed did send me over the edge a few times :cry: at least from around 20 weeks u strat to get regular movements and that really helps ....
> Have they put u on any meds?? I got put on 5mg Folic and 75mg of Asprin...Click to expand...

.

No they didnt put me on any med's. Only thing she said they would do is take a swap at one of my appointments just to be on the safe side. Dont know why coz i didnt have any sign of infection.

Was at the doc's 2day just to get the ball going and she phoned up there and then for a scan date, got one for the 27th.


----------



## tootsiegb

Hi all,

Fun to run, at least with your results there isnt any cause that can make it happen again. It takes ages to get over, but i came to the conclusion it must just be one of those things. Although I totally understand the way you feel i did too when i was pregnant after my miscarriage.

I love blue, we must be the same person LOL.
babes x3, heres hoping that I love blue & me have some baby dust sent our way this month. I met a few storks at the zoo, maybe they will bring me luck!!!

Its such terrible news about Kelly Brook, I totally feel for her. 
Its hard to believe that it has happened to so many people just lately!! No one should have to go through it.

No news here yet, i havent ovulated yet. It should be at the weekend, i am quite a late ovulater!! So fingers crossed that we will do it! I am trying the every other day method. Although I do this and then think is it enough & try the every day method. Haha

Love to you all Tootsie xx


----------



## FunToRun

:cry::cry::cry::cry: Woke up this morning with a bit of cramping and this afternoon i started to bleed. At first i thought it was implantation but its became really heavy. I Must have dont some really bad stuff in a past life!!
I'll phone the doc 2moro, i know there is nothing they can do.:cry:


----------



## babesx3

ooooo noooo :hugs: :nope: so unfair ..i'm really sorry fun to run :hugs:


----------



## Jox

Im sorry Fun to Run :cry: :hugs: x


----------



## iloveblue

FunToRun said:


> :cry::cry::cry::cry: Woke up this morning with a bit of cramping and this afternoon i started to bleed. At first i thought it was implantation but its became really heavy. I Must have dont some really bad stuff in a past life!!
> I'll phone the doc 2moro, i know there is nothing they can do.:cry:

I'm so sorry sweetie :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

FunToRun said:


> :cry::cry::cry::cry: Woke up this morning with a bit of cramping and this afternoon i started to bleed. At first i thought it was implantation but its became really heavy. I Must have dont some really bad stuff in a past life!!
> I'll phone the doc 2moro, i know there is nothing they can do.:cry:

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: You did nothing bad, I am so so sorry this is happening. I just don't know what to say. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## tootsiegb

I am so sorry xxxx


----------



## wish2bmum

I'm so sorry :( funtorun, I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling at the moment but wish all you the best, thinking of you :( x


----------



## MissMaternal

Funtorun i am really so so sorry :hugs:

As for me, i am waiting for my first AF since my third loss. It's been 4 weeks and 3 days since that loss. I havent tested yet, i am waiting until next Friday to test. I dont really feel pregnant though, a few symptoms i suppose, but nothing major. I had to wait 16 weeks last time for AF to come back, so i really hope im not kept waiting that long again.

hope everyone is well xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

I am so sorry Fun to Run. Life is so poo to those that least deserve it :(
Sorry I havent been on. Went away for a few days after being v busy at work.
Today hasnt been great. Looks like the Asprin isnt working that well. I have notching on my placenta and now being closley monitered for IUGR and Pre-Eclampsia.
I want this baby to keep growing and stay put untill 37 weeks.
It sucks, I am gutted.
It hurts even more now that everything I thought about my body causing Maeve's death is true. They could have prevented it if I had been on Asprin from the begining.


----------



## babesx3

:hug: maeves mummy..it is such a stress for you :hugs:

It is good that they know this now and will be monitoring baby and u ,,:hugs: are u going to have more regular scans now? how are they checking on you? can u be put on any other meds to help?

Baby is 25 weeks now :) thats great so stands a fighting chance, obviously staying in is the best option, but it is great to get past viability iykwim...:friends:


well in my news had a scan last week, and my placenta is still low , at present they think section, which is not what i want , but if need be thats what it'll be..... my main concern is going into labour early and being in an amergerncy situation.. with 3 kids to get care for before i leave for hospital its not going to be as quick as i'd need..:( i spoke to mw today about my concerns and she said to ring 999 if i went into labour.... the main trouble with this is we live in the country 25-30 mins form hospital and the hospital i want to go to is out of my area, not much further, so i think it would be quicker and better if i can get there myself..:shrug: arghhhh its not what i need... was just starting to feel more confident about pregnancy as baby kicks lots, now i'm back to being worried about baby......
I have another scan in 3 weeks on weds to do a final check as to whether placenta has moved up and all is fine for a 38 week induction, or its a section.....
I just want time to fast forward and have my baby safe with me now!!!


----------



## tootsiegb

Maevesmummy sending you big hugs. I hope everything will be ok.

Babesx3 I am sure all will be fine, try not to panic.

Hope the rest of you are ok, I am 3dpo and i am symptom spotting everything, its doing my head in, I keep thinking oohh is that a sign!!!! I am my own worst enemy sometimes. I dont want to get my hopes up too much!
tootsie x


----------



## MissMaternal

Wow.. i got my bfp last night! It's only been 5 weeks since my MC, and i havent had a period in between....it's definitely not the old pregnancy because the hospital did a blood test and a urine test, after the MC and both were negative. i am so frickin' SCARED but excited too....oh my god.. xx


----------



## jojo23

hey girls 3 months on from losing lily we started TTC last month, AF was 2 weeks late i was sure i was pregnant but woke up this morning with AF so fingers crossed in June! hope my cycle isnt going to be all crazy now 2 weeks late was bad enough!! GL to everyone xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

jojo23 said:


> hey girls 3 months on from losing lily we started TTC last month, AF was 2 weeks late i was sure i was pregnant but woke up this morning with AF so fingers crossed in June! hope my cycle isnt going to be all crazy now 2 weeks late was bad enough!! GL to everyone xxxxxxxxxx

Sorry that AF got you hun :hugs: I hope that your cycle sorts itself out soon, i know how frustrating it is when they're messed up! 

I love the name Lily :flower: xxxx


----------



## Jox

HUGE congratulations Miss Maternal. I really praying that everything is ok for you. Your LO certainly has his angel brothers and sisters watching over him :kiss: sending lots of love xxx


----------



## jojo23

MissMaternal said:


> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> hey girls 3 months on from losing lily we started TTC last month, AF was 2 weeks late i was sure i was pregnant but woke up this morning with AF so fingers crossed in June! hope my cycle isnt going to be all crazy now 2 weeks late was bad enough!! GL to everyone xxxxxxxxxx
> 
> Sorry that AF got you hun :hugs: I hope that your cycle sorts itself out soon, i know how frustrating it is when they're messed up!
> 
> I love the name Lily :flower: xxxxClick to expand...

Awe thanks hun Lily just really suited her, a gorgeous delicate little flower.... SOOOOO happy for you pet hope we all follow in your footsteps soon xxxx:hugs:


----------



## babesx3

:yipee:

Congratulations Miss Maternal..:flower:
Thats fantastic news!!!!

I so hope the next 9 months flys for u till u meet your beautiful rainbow baby :hugs:


----------



## tootsiegb

Congrats Miss M, thats great news.
JoJo23 sorry af got you. I am hoping and praying that it doesnt get me next week, but i am doubtful about this cycle. I dont think i will be that lucky somehow.
I love blue how are you getting on???????


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> Wow.. i got my bfp last night! It's only been 5 weeks since my MC, and i havent had a period in between....it's definitely not the old pregnancy because the hospital did a blood test and a urine test, after the MC and both were negative. i am so frickin' SCARED but excited too....oh my god.. xx

Everything Crossed for you!! Have they started you on baby asprin? xxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

They are scanning me next friday to monitor growth and have got me kick counting. They cant give me any more meds as I already inject Clexane and take baby asprin. Here is hoping this notching problem does not result in anything.
How is everyone else. Sorry I havent been on much xxxx


----------



## BabyRuby11

Hi I am very new to this but thought it may help with my loss after a rec from a friend. I lost my baby at 21 weeks 5 weeks ago. I am dealing with it better than I thought as I do believe everything happens for a reason (although still can't work out the reason for this). I am still bleeding but am not sure if I started AF straight after MC. Did anyone else bleed for so long? 

Thanks x


----------



## BabyRuby11

also its crazy to see how many people have to go through this! Life isn't fair sometimes x


----------



## FunToRun

WOW congrats MissM!!!:hugs::hugs:

So dh and i have decided to give it another go straight away as the last loss was so early on. As the last loss was so early on 4 weeks and 4 days do i treat that as the start of my cycle??


----------



## FunToRun

BabyRuby11 said:


> Hi I am very new to this but thought it may help with my loss after a rec from a friend. I lost my baby at 21 weeks 5 weeks ago. I am dealing with it better than I thought as I do believe everything happens for a reason (although still can't work out the reason for this). I am still bleeding but am not sure if I started AF straight after MC. Did anyone else bleed for so long?
> 
> Thanks x

So sorry for your loss BabyRuby11:hugs: And yeah it is so unfair that any of us have to go through all this. I didnt bleed for as long so sorry no help there.


----------



## MissMaternal

Maeves mummy yes I'm taking baby aspirin. Had a tiny bit of pale brown discharge this afternoon, trying not to worry.


----------



## Suze

Huge congrats missM :happydance: Despite having spotting with my last 2 losses I also have had a little bit this time which has been ok and baby is, touch wood ok. So I hope the spotting is nothing for you too, blooming scary though hey? :hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

BabyRuby11 said:


> Hi I am very new to this but thought it may help with my loss after a rec from a friend. I lost my baby at 21 weeks 5 weeks ago. I am dealing with it better than I thought as I do believe everything happens for a reason (although still can't work out the reason for this). I am still bleeding but am not sure if I started AF straight after MC. Did anyone else bleed for so long?
> 
> Thanks x

I bled for around 6 weeks and then spotted on and off for a while until my AF came. Also spotted after sex - but I was a bit tender! 

Now on my 2nd AF since it all. And regular to the day! Which is quite cool... I've NEVER been THAT regular! So maybe pregnancy sorted that one out for me! We've decided to start trying again once we've moved and I've started a new job.... so September it is! 

xxx


----------



## Imalia

Congrats MissM, I am so happy for you. Here's wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months.

As usual, nothing to report here. Things have been a bit crazy here this cycle with a lot of stuff going on, so while I think I'm around 6dop-ish, I'm not totally sure if/when I ovulated.


----------



## MissMaternal

Thanks suze! Yeah its very scary! I've had no more so I'm hoping its gone away... Always reassuring to hear good outcomes from spotting! 

Thanks imalia hun, I hope this month is your month xxx


----------



## hannpin

:wave: hello all can I come and join you?

Harri was born sleeping 2 months ago, he was very poorly, so we decided to let him go and suffer no more :cry: this cycle we have decided to ntnp. I am currently on CD15, but not sure how long my cycle will be as I have never really been regular. :wacko:

Congrats on the bfp missm, and lets hope it is our month this month everyone else xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> Maeves mummy yes I'm taking baby aspirin. Had a tiny bit of pale brown discharge this afternoon, trying not to worry.

Hi There, sorry to hear you are spotting, I had this too. Asprin can make any bleed a tiny bit worse as well. I know its hard, try not to worry unless you get bright red blood along with cramping.
Its so hard not to worry though xxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs:
Good Luck everyone XXXX


----------



## Jox

babesx3 said:


> :hugs:
> Good Luck everyone XXXX

How are you Babesx3? bet your bumps getting big now. so you have any plans for induction? lots of love xxx


----------



## tootsiegb

Hi everyone, how are you all?

I think i am out for this month, have to carry on practicing!!! 

xxx


----------



## BabyRuby11

[/QUOTE]

I bled for around 6 weeks and then spotted on and off for a while until my AF came. Also spotted after sex - but I was a bit tender! 

Now on my 2nd AF since it all. And regular to the day! Which is quite cool... I've NEVER been THAT regular! So maybe pregnancy sorted that one out for me! We've decided to start trying again once we've moved and I've started a new job.... so September it is! 

xxx[/QUOTE]

Oh ok thanks very much for the info. I was beginning to think something was wrong. Coming up to 6 weeks on Thursday so hoping to stop and have AF soon as would really like to start trying asap! Getting a little impatient now haha!

Well fingers crossed for you in September then and hopefully all goes well. xx


----------



## iloveblue

Congratulations MissM - how is the spotting?

How are you doing MaevesMummy? I can't believe you are 26 weeks already.

So pleased all is still well with you Nats - not long to go now!!


I got a BFP today!!
Really wasn't expecting it - I was convinced AF was about to start.
But there we go. We're just taking one step at a time - its a long old road ahead, and not telling anyone in real life till at least 12 weeks.


----------



## iloveblue

tootsiegb said:


> Hi everyone, how are you all?
> 
> I think i am out for this month, have to carry on practicing!!!
> 
> xxx

Its not over till AF arrives tootsie - are you definitely out?
I would highly recommend the DTD every other day plan - has worked for us within one cycle twice now. x


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Congratulations MissM - how is the spotting?
> 
> How are you doing MaevesMummy? I can't believe you are 26 weeks already.
> 
> So pleased all is still well with you Nats - not long to go now!!
> 
> 
> I got a BFP today!!
> Really wasn't expecting it - I was convinced AF was about to start.
> But there we go. We're just taking one step at a time - its a long old road ahead, and not telling anyone in real life till at least 12 weeks.

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
Congratulations, although I realise you will be feeling very nervous!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Had a bad day today. I suspect things are getting tight in there for the little tinker. Movement reduced to little tickles. And yesterday it stopped altogether. This morning we went to Triage and I was reminded again not to take things for granted. They couldnt find the heart beat on the doppler, so had to wheel in the mobile scanner. It was fricking scary I was in bits. They found the tinkers heart beat with the scanner and s/he was still moving. When we left though my partner said exactly what I was thinking. It looked cramped, a bit like Maeve did after i pPROM'd. But they said we have to wait for my consultant appt Friday for further tests. Hope we are both just being paranoid. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hope everyone else is ok - hopng for more BFP's soon xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Jox

congratulations iloveblue :hugs:

Maevesmummy - i bet you were so scared :-( I hate to say it but baby shouldnt be getting cramped in there at 26 weeks and movements certainly shouldnt be getting lighter. Baby is able to EASILY turn from breech to head down visa versa till well into 34+ weeks. If babys movements are picking up get yourself to the hospital again. I hope everything is ok xxx

xxx


----------



## Imalia

Congrats Iloveblue.


----------



## MaevesMummy

How are you Imalia, I often think of you. I really think it will be your turn soon. It must be so hard xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Jox said:


> congratulations iloveblue :hugs:
> 
> Maevesmummy - i bet you were so scared :-( I hate to say it but baby shouldnt be getting cramped in there at 26 weeks and movements certainly shouldnt be getting lighter. Baby is able to EASILY turn from breech to head down visa versa till well into 34+ weeks. If babys movements are picking up get yourself to the hospital again. I hope everything is ok xxx
> 
> xxx

Thanks Jox, they said that if movements stopped again then to go straight in. They are being quite good about it. It looks to me as if I have IUGR but then again I am no expert so maybe I am just being ultra negative. 
I have a MW appt this morning. Another appt at the Lupus clinic and growth scan friday so I have a list of questions for them both.
xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## BabyRuby11

MaevesMummy said:


> Jox said:
> 
> 
> congratulations iloveblue :hugs:
> 
> Maevesmummy - i bet you were so scared :-( I hate to say it but baby shouldnt be getting cramped in there at 26 weeks and movements certainly shouldnt be getting lighter. Baby is able to EASILY turn from breech to head down visa versa till well into 34+ weeks. If babys movements are picking up get yourself to the hospital again. I hope everything is ok xxx
> 
> xxx
> 
> Thanks Jox, they said that if movements stopped again then to go straight in. They are being quite good about it. It looks to me as if I have IUGR but then again I am no expert so maybe I am just being ultra negative.
> I have a MW appt this morning. Another appt at the Lupus clinic and growth scan friday so I have a list of questions for them both.
> xxxxxxxxxxClick to expand...


MaevesMummy I haven't spoken to you before and am very new but just read this and thought I would say I hope everything goes ok for you. Stay positive!! :thumbup:
xx


----------



## Imalia

Thanks Maevesmummy. I'm just about managing to keep it together. It is hard, and it does sting hearing about everyone else and still waiting. But I am thrilled for all of you. At the moment I'm finding it harder with people in my life who are pregnant, one especially. I don't get it, I don't understand why they have to constantly moan and complain about being pregnant and having healthy happy children. More than that I don't understand why they have to complain to me. Why they think I'm going to be the slightest bit sympathetic that they find having a trouble free pregnancy and healthy baby is such a huge inconvenience for them.

I have pretty much all but given up on it ever being my turn, I don't see any reason to be positive anymore.


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Thanks Maevesmummy. I'm just about managing to keep it together. It is hard, and it does sting hearing about everyone else and still waiting. But I am thrilled for all of you. At the moment I'm finding it harder with people in my life who are pregnant, one especially. I don't get it, I don't understand why they have to constantly moan and complain about being pregnant and having healthy happy children. More than that I don't understand why they have to complain to me. Why they think I'm going to be the slightest bit sympathetic that they find having a trouble free pregnancy and healthy baby is such a huge inconvenience for them.
> 
> I have pretty much all but given up on it ever being my turn, I don't see any reason to be positive anymore.

All I can do is send you massive hugs. I cant even begin to imagine how tough it must be. Please let everyone else stay possitive for you though.
I find it hard when people moan about silly things. Me, I am greatful for all the normal pregnancy stuff. I can see why you are finding this difficult as even I sturuggle to bite my tongue. I hope my little indulgence in self pity hasnt upset you, it wasnt meant in a way, I know how lucky I am to have got this far.
sending you lots of love.:hugs::hugs:


----------



## tootsiegb

I love blue huge congratulations....... I am so pleased for you, i am sure all will be fine. My temp has dropped again today so i am expecting the witch in the next few days. I will attempt the every other day method!!!

Maeves mummy i am sure all will be fine, i would have been so scared. 
Love to you all xx


----------



## Imalia

Not at all Maeve's Mummy. For you, or any of the ladies on this board, to worry and feel sorry for yourselves and expect the worst to happen, I can understand that, and I'm sure I would be exactly the same.


----------



## ericacaca

Hi there again! Really hoping lovely things for all you lovely, amazing ladies! 

So I've said we are going to start TTC again in September, but theres something in me saying why wait? I mean, yeah maternity leave pay is always a factor (I'm in between jobs and not sure where I'm going in it all!) but whats stopping us now? Soooooooooo tempted. Is anyone else in this situation? 

Erica xxx


----------



## Imalia

After losing our angel, we never prevented, but didn't really try for about three months. There's no way I could have put it off longer, nor could I have actually prevented it from happening. After thirteen and a half years trying to have a baby to keep, I just couldn't.

I suppose it would depend on the reasons you decided on September in the first place and if you and your OH still feel they are valid.


----------



## MaevesMummy

ericacaca said:


> Hi there again! Really hoping lovely things for all you lovely, amazing ladies!
> 
> So I've said we are going to start TTC again in September, but theres something in me saying why wait? I mean, yeah maternity leave pay is always a factor (I'm in between jobs and not sure where I'm going in it all!) but whats stopping us now? Soooooooooo tempted. Is anyone else in this situation?
> 
> Erica xxx

I second Imalia, there is never going to be a *perfect time" you may as well get going now... we didnt prevent anything, we were very very lucky and fell again quickly all things considering. 
It wouldnt have mattered, if we had left it 8 months like they wanted us too. My treatment wouldnt have been any different. And its more than likley it would have taken far longer xxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

Thanks for all the lovely messages everyone.

Imalia - I often think of you too. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all okay for you. I can't remember if you said - but have you had fertility testing?

MaevesM - I'm so sorry you've had more worrying times. 
What is IUGR? 
At least you know baby is viable now so if the worst did happen s/he would have a good chance of survival.
Do you have any inkling if it is a boy or a girl?


----------



## MissMaternal

Maeve's mummy im so sorry you had a scare....that must have been awful for you. I will be thinking of you and your little baby....i really hope everything turns out just fine :hugs:

Imalia, i often think of you too, like the other ladies have said. I think of all of you actually, and while i am grateful we have each other to talk to i often wonder why any of us have to be here at all, just not fair :cry:

Iloveblue...wow, huge congrats! I can totally understand you being apprehensive...i am the same. I think i am about 6 weeks (not sure cos i had no period since last MC) and the road ahead is soooo long, but my symptoms are stronger this time (just like with my first MC, and she was fine physically, just the placenta that failed.) I have been spotting for about 4 days now, but it has never been alot, infact i probably wouldnt have even noticed it if i wasn't a paranoid crazy obsessive lady :haha: It has always been brown though, and is getting less and less (even though it wasn't a lot to begin with.) I am really praying that this one is ok for me. I need this baby, the urge to be a mum is so strong and i don't want it taken away again. I hope everything turns out ok for you too....keep us updated! Do you know how far along you are? Symptoms??? xxx


----------



## Imalia

Yes, we have had fertility testing, until it comes out the wazoo  I have mild pcos, but unusually for someone with pcos, I have regular 30 day (give or take 2 or 3) cycles with confirmed ovulation. DH is on the lower side of normal. (WHO say SA results should be minimum 15mil count, 50% motility and 4% morphology, DH is 23mil/60/6) We were actully just back at the GP's this week about it, but we rarely ever get anywhere with the doctors. Their attitude is "No one can magically get you pregnant, and you've been pregnant on your own, so there's no need"

It's so frustrating to be stuck in that middle point where it's so difficult to do it on our own, but not difficult enough that we can get some help with it. It's one of the reasons I still struggle with losing our angel. It seems the world is far too cruel to let us get so close to our dream and then snatch it away.


----------



## babesx3

:yipee: ILOVEBLUE!!!! :friends: so so pleased for you!!!! Hoping u have a VERY boring but happy and healthy 9 months!!!! great news!!! :)

:hugs: Imalia so hoping your forever baby is coming ot u very very soon :hugs:

:hugs: to u too Maevesmummy, u must have been so scared, its such a lot of pressure being constantly worried about baby movements and being the only one who can know..:hugs: I know i find the total responsibility 24/7 emotionaly draining...:hugs:

MissM glad to hear spotting is only slight..when do u have your next scan?? have everything crossed ,this is your for keeps baby !! :friends:

Hows everyone else??any more positves out there???? Good Luck :flower:

Well i had an eventful couple of days..after a very busy am with the kids on tues, i started having some strong contraction like pains well, like full bump, squeeze the heck out of me, couldn't breath or move, was so scared was in preterm labour, i was out , so somehow got home and got my mum over...they calmed but wass till having regular cramps , more like pre labour , spoke to hosp who said to come in....was mostly worried about the low lying placenta and going into full labour as it would mean so many more dangers for baby and me...
anyway to cut a long story short , they admitted me and gave me steroid shot to mature baby lungs....i had a quick scan , there nad then and they were pretty sure placenta has moved away from opening so that made me feel a lot batter...then this am they did another and it defo confirmed its moved , so i'm all go for natural delivery :) and it takes the emergency out of going into labour at home too!!..so i came home this pm, and have to go back in the am for another steroid shot, but the cramping has really subsided thank goodness.... i just need to take it more easy, it is so much worse the longer i'm on my feet... hoping for at least another 2 weeks before going into labour, preferably 4!!! scared me to death!!! scan also estimated baby at 5lb 6oz atm!!so hes looking really good:)


----------



## iloveblue

I'm glad all is well Nats and the placenta has shifted.
Make sure you take it easy from now on, young lady![-X
xxx


----------



## Imalia

Oh Babesx3, that must have been scary. Glad everything is ok. No more rushing around for you missy.


----------



## babesx3

Thanks :friends:
It did scare the crap out of me!!! will be defo taking it more easy , want baby in for at least another week or 2!!! u watch me not go into labour now and have to be induced..lol!!


----------



## MissMaternal

Babesx3 i'm glad everything was ok after your scare! Well, my midwife has pretty much told me that i won't get an early scan, even though i've had 3 miscarriages and am unsure of my dates. That has annoyed me, so i am going to have to push hard to get it. xx


----------



## babesx3

Good on u for pushing for one!!! i think u should, esp as u don't know dates..:hugs:


----------



## Jox

missmaternal - i cant believe shes said you wont get an early scan!! how does that make sense??? does your hosp let you self refer to EPU?

xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> Babesx3 i'm glad everything was ok after your scare! Well, my midwife has pretty much told me that i won't get an early scan, even though i've had 3 miscarriages and am unsure of my dates. That has annoyed me, so i am going to have to push hard to get it. xx

A lovely lady I met up with today said it really, if you dont get what you want, shout louder louder and then scream, who gives a monkey's what anyone else thinks.
I cant believe they have been so cruel. Threaten to make a serious complaint and see what they do. Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



Nat's I hope all is well, it sounds super scary!

iloveblue, IUGR -Interuterine growth ******ation...
Luckily though the little tinker is big for 26 weeks, a 877g, or 1lb 14oz, and bloodflow is still good. I have some minor problems at the moment with blood tests and the lack of movement is worrying, they are going to see me twice a week so I feel much better. Got them to swab me as well as I am convinced I am leaking fluid. xxxxxxxx


----------



## Imalia

Maevesmummy, I hope they keep a close eye on you and baby and that everything is OK.

MissM - I think that's appalling they're not scanning you, can you ask for a second opinion? You know, when my hospital and I put a care plan in place for my next pregnancy when we lost our angel I thought it was the least they could do, but hearing from others, maybe I've just been extremely lucky. Or maybe it's because there was questions of medical negligence in my case. I book at 5 weeks directly with the consultant at the hospital and have open access to the epau from 7 weeks with scans available on request, at any time, for any reason, even if it's just for reassurance.

That someone with your history can be so easily dismissed it makes me angry for you. It's not right, and it shouldn't happen.


----------



## iloveblue

MissM - that really doesn't seem right. Had you been referred for any kind of testing?
Do you have an understanding GP who could help you?
Did you see a consultant regarding your late loss - if so, could you contact them?

My consultant wrote me a lovely letter outlining the extra monitoring I could have when I fell pregnant again including an early scan, and this is after 2 losses - a late one and an early one.

Hope you can get something sorted - it really isn't fair how provision varies so much across the country.

Hi MaevesM
Glad you are being monitored well - hope things settle down for you, and baby continues to grow big and strong x


----------



## babesx3

MaevesMummy said:


> MissMaternal said:
> 
> 
> Babesx3 i'm glad everything was ok after your scare! Well, my midwife has pretty much told me that i won't get an early scan, even though i've had 3 miscarriages and am unsure of my dates. That has annoyed me, so i am going to have to push hard to get it. xx
> 
> A lovely lady I met up with today said it really, if you dont get what you want, shout louder louder and then scream, who gives a monkey's what anyone else thinks.
> I cant believe they have been so cruel. Threaten to make a serious complaint and see what they do. Thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> 
> 
> Nat's I hope all is well, it sounds super scary!
> 
> iloveblue, IUGR -Interuterine growth ******ation...
> Luckily though the little tinker is big for 26 weeks, a 877g, or 1lb 14oz, and bloodflow is still good. I have some minor problems at the moment with blood tests and the lack of movement is worrying, they are going to see me twice a week so I feel much better. Got them to swab me as well as I am convinced I am leaking fluid. xxxxxxxxClick to expand...

completely agree with this lady..miss m..shout loud!!!:hugs: it is cruel to make u wait!! xxx


How are things going maeves M??


----------



## babesx3

Do u have an dearly scan booked iloveblue???


----------



## MaevesMummy

So far so good, I have some issues with raised liver enzymes and kidney function tests and low platlets, its nothing at the mo, but can indicate problems. I have a home BP monitor just to keep an eye, it was 146/89 this morning but i think it was a one off as has been fine since.
Day assesment for me twice a week. which is good news. I at least feel like I have been listened too. I broke down in the the consultation. I have been telling everyone I am fine for the last 2 weeks as I dont like to have to keep explaining myself, and have only shared my worries where people will understand (here being one of them) it got on top of me a bit. I just have a bad feeling that my body is going a bit wrong. They understand that and say that I should always trust my gut instinct, and forget what anyone else thinks of me. They are amazing support as well as great doctors, its a far cry from what happened last time. Its a shame that had to happen to get that kind of treatment. xxxxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Thanks for your comments ladies....i think my midwife's words were "they wouldn't be able to scan you because it won't tell you how far along you are..." um, HELLO?! i thought the whole point of a scan was to date it ( and other things obviously.) My midwife is lovely, and i was surprised she said this because when i was bleeding before my last mc, she was brilliant and offered me a scan and got me booked in. So i am definitely going to demand a scan! I think i am 6+5, going from the date of my mc anyway. The fiance and i have booked a holiday today...we're off to Crete on Friday and i cant wait!

xx


----------



## Jox

Hope you have an amazing holiday Missmaternal :hugs: x


----------



## Imalia

Got a faint bfp this morning at 16dpo, trying not to get my hopes up because of the chemical last month. Am going to retest with a more sensitive test and fmu tomorrow. fingers crossed this really is our month this time.


----------



## MissMaternal

Thanks Jox!

Omg Imalia....i will have EVERYTHING crossed for you xxx :flower: xxx


----------



## iloveblue

I've also got everything crossed for you Imalia - it has to be your turn x


----------



## iloveblue

babesx3 said:


> Do u have an dearly scan booked iloveblue???

Not yet. I've got an appointment with my GP tomorrow - so hoping to get it organised then. 
I lost the last one at around 7-8 weeks so ideally would like a scan around that time.

How are you?


----------



## tootsiegb

Imalia, i have my fingers crossed for you. xxx

I love blue, let us know what the gp says, how far along do you think you are?

I am back to trying again. I am taking your advice and trying the every other day method. Hopefully it will work for us & we can have a very sticky baby! 
Love to you all xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Got a faint bfp this morning at 16dpo, trying not to get my hopes up because of the chemical last month. Am going to retest with a more sensitive test and fmu tomorrow. fingers crossed this really is our month this time.

Everything Crossed for you! :hugs:
xxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

Good Luck Imalia :flower:

ooo 27 weeks Maevesmummy!!!! third tri now!!! :thumbup: how are u??

Thanks iloveblue!!! i'm ok..still very crampy which has me paranoid..its difficult to rest with 3 kids but i'm trying my best not to overdo it.....I have a 35 week target in my head , then it'll be 36 weeks... i had my son at 36+3 and he was perfect and needed no help so i know that would be good....
hope your appointment with doc went well!! :)


----------



## MaevesMummy

I have had a funny tummy for 4 days now. TMI anything I eat is going straight through. I have got a tender tummy and cramps. The midwife in Day Assesment wasnt interested at all. Take a paracetamol and dont eat anything for 12 hours is all she said. I am really worried that whatever this is may trigger labour, or even that it is a warning I am about to go. I guess there isnt much I can do other than wait. Back again friday for another bloodflow scan. xxxxx


----------



## babesx3

:hug: its so worrying..:(
Make sure u drink plenty of fluids too...diarreah will dehydrate u and that can trigger contractions....
If u get crampy just go on in and get checked out..surely they would understand your anxiatys..:hugs:
when i went in last week with contractions... they were really good at being thorough when i said i'd lost my baby and was terrified of it happening again..:cry: they seemed understand why i was more worried than the average pregant woman....

:hugs: hope the diarreah clears up XX


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> I have had a funny tummy for 4 days now. TMI anything I eat is going straight through. I have got a tender tummy and cramps. The midwife in Day Assesment wasnt interested at all. Take a paracetamol and dont eat anything for 12 hours is all she said. I am really worried that whatever this is may trigger labour, or even that it is a warning I am about to go. I guess there isnt much I can do other than wait. Back again friday for another bloodflow scan. xxxxx

Thinking of you MaevesM. 
Please ring them again if you need to. They will surely understand with your history.
Please don't be fobbed off x


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## iloveblue

I'm bleeding - so think its all over (again!)
I can't continue to belive that this is just bad luck - there must be something wrong, and maybe now we can get to the bottom of it.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Imalia - have you POAS again?


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## tootsiegb

I love blue, 
I am so sorry, make sure you go to the hospital & get checked. It may just be bleeding its quite common in early pregnancy. 
I am praying & thinking of you xxxxxxxx
Message me if you need to. I am here for you xx


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> I'm bleeding - so think its all over (again!)
> I can't continue to belive that this is just bad luck - there must be something wrong, and maybe now we can get to the bottom of it.
> 
> Hope everyone else is ok.
> 
> Imalia - have you POAS again?

:hug:
O iloveblue i hope its not over so soon :hugs: xxxxxxx


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## MaevesMummy

ilove blue I hope its not over, have everything crossed for you. Thats so cruel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Suze

Iloveblue I hope you're wrong :hugs: How are you today?


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## iloveblue

Had some more spotting this morning - cramps have subsided.
But I have that bad feeling again - it feels the same as last time.
I'm just waiting for GP to ring me back - she's trying to get me in for a scan.


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## babesx3

:hugs: hope u get a scan soon to know one way or another!!! really hopeing its good news!!! :hugs:


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## tootsiegb

Good luck for your scan, I am praying for you. sending you lots of love & sticky baby dust. xxxx


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## iloveblue

Thanks for the support everyone.
Scan at 3.15 today. Havn't had anymore bleeding but am having pains - I'm expecting the worst really. x


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## babesx3

:hugs: FX its alte implant bleeding and pains.... have everything crossed for u iloveblue :hugs: thinking of you!!! xxx


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## tootsiegb

Fingers crossed for you. Let us know how you get on xxx


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## jessicarachel

I went to my 20 week scan on 16th December 2010. It was meant to be the best day of my life so far. What was I having?? I wanted to find out because I did, I was so excited as this was my first pregnancy I wanted to know what I was having. I don't know why but I had an eery feeling as soon as I walked into the room. No offence to the gentleman that was performing the scan but he was ever so clinical it just made me very uncomfortable but I still never imagined what was going to happen next. He took what seemed like forever to talk again. The next words were "I'm sorry I can't feel see a heartbeat or any movement". I was literally numb. I just couldn't register it. I just kept putting on this sweet smile (as everyone says I'm too polite) and saying ok, ok. He told me he couldn't tell the sex and the baby had stopped growing say 7 days earlier. I was then ushered into a small room. A room I have since been in way too many time. I hate this room. They never say anything good in this room. I was sent home that night, my dead baby inside me. I had to wait 2 days and then on 19th December I went to Hospital. It took 9 hours but my baby girl was delivered 18.40pm, called her Maisie, she was an advertisement for not being able to abort at 20 weeks. She was perfect, 10 little fingers, 10 little toes, my mouth and nose and Matthews chin and eyes. 8oz and 8 inches long. We stayed with her as long as we could. I signed the forms for her autopsy. It killed me to leave but I guess we had to at some point. It took months to get her back. Finally we did and had a funeral for her. Her Grave is so beautiful just like she was. I never thought I would have to visit my first baby, my baby girl at her grave. She would be 4 weeks old this Thursday. I have had all the results back and nothing. Nothing was wrong with either of us, her heart just stopped. It is so unfair and frustrating when you see so many women getting pregnant without wanting a child, smoking and drinking and eating thew wrong thing through pregnancy and I can honestly say I was the best pregnant woman ever. Everyone keeps saying. Oh that nothing was wrong is a good thing for the future. Well it doesn't really make me feel any better. Everyone keeps saying I need to constantly be positive but I'm sorry I can't. I have good days and bad days. I can't be positive all the time. They all say don't think about it and you'll catch again. How can you take your mind off something you want so much??? I'm still getting pains, they say that I have fluid on my pelvis which may mean something but may mean nothing. I have had so many tests and am still ongoing. I just want to catch so much and am so caught up in it mu anxiety is through the roof. So bad my neck has trapped nerves all through it and I feel sick and dizzy and my tongue is constantly on fire. I just want a baby so much. I'm 32, I'm getting old. I feel like less of a woman too as I want to give my boyfriend a baby so much and am terrified I never will. I just want to get pregnant and have a baby. Thanks for listening. xxx 
Status: Online


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## jessicarachel

I am going to have acupuncture tomorrow. My anxiety has brought on such bad physical symptoms. I have a burning tongue and aching swollen neck and tingling ears. All i can think of is babies, they seem to be everywhere. I know they say to relax and I'll catch but how can i think about anything else. I have just had instead cups delivered it's crazy, I caught in 2 months the first time round and now in my head I will never catch again. I long for a baby so much xxxx


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## Imalia

Ilove blue, I am hoping things turn out to be fine for you. I'm not religeous and I don't pray, but all the positive thoughts I have are being sent your way.

For me, the weekend was such a roller coaster, peed on more sticks than you can count and they were all positive. Went to the hospital as I'm supposed to and had hcg drawn, but it was already falling instead of rising. Another angel for us at 5w2d. 

I'm trying to find a brightside, they took about an armful of more blood for testing, and at last I feel like someone is taking our ttc attempts seriously. Sat down and had such a lovely chat with the dr at the epau, we have to wait one cycle first, but she's gotten us into a clinical trial for a new combination of meds. So despite everything I'm actually feeling a bit positive that we will get our take home rainbow baby.


----------



## iloveblue

I'm sorry Imalia - but glad someone is on your side and trying to help you.

Well, the scan was all pretty inconclusive really.

They could see a 'cystic area' on the scan, which they said is probably an early pregnancy but its too early to see if its viable.

They also saw a pocket of fluid at the back which the midwife said could be a burst cyst - which might explain the spotting and the cramps.

They've taken bloods to check my hormone level and I've got to go back on Weds morning to have more taken - they are looking for the hormone level to double within 48 hours, and then we'll go from there really.

I did feel more positive afterwards - I havn't had anymore spotting, but have had pains all afternoon. Seem to have settled down a bit now.
I still don't know what to think - feel a bit sick, but I think thats probably more the lack of sleep and ups and downs of today more than anything.

The midwife also outlined what would happen if it is another mc - they will refer me asap and should take about 3 months to have all tests done (DH too) and get appointment with the consultant.
She did say that 90% of the time couples who are referred for testing and have already had children get the all-clear. She also said that a late loss is very different to an early mc and they will almost treat them separately.


----------



## babesx3

ooo iloveblue thats hard another wait..:hugs: but i'm so glad all is not lost and you can still have some hope... I will pray that all is well with your little bean and your hcg levels double well!!! :hugs:

:hugs: Imalia...glad you are getting seen though X


----------



## Imalia

Sounds very similar to my pregnancy last year Iloveblue. I had a scan at what was 7weeks by dates due to a previous ectopic but they couldn't see anything, did hcg bloods 48hours apart (which were doubling nicely) called me back for another scan which showed a sac and foetal pole, but no heartbeat, was sent away for two weeks to wait for another scan. at which point everything was looking good and they dated me at 7+1 at that point. Even though I was sure of lmp dates, I wasn't always that regular, I just turned out to be a couple of weeks behind what I thought. Fingers crossed this is just how it is for you.


----------



## tootsiegb

Imalia I am so srry for your loss, Glad they are going to do something for you though.

Iloveblue, I am so glad that there is hope for you and your bean. Sending you lots & lots of sticky dust & hoping that your levels will double & all will be fine. Take care xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia, I am so sorry, I am glad that they are doing more to help you. It must be so hurtful & frustrating. 

ilove blue everything crossed for you xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## jojo23

wishing you all lots of luck girls... i have my poor OH worn out lol not sure when i ovulated etc i just dont want to be putting pressure on myself but im really hoping this is our month. My due date is coming up soon i would love to get pregnant this month it would be amazing but fingers crossed....

love to you all xxxxxxx


----------



## FunToRun

Hi ladies, not been on for a while had to get my head together without babytalk if you know what i mean??

iloveblue, i'll have my fingers and toes crossed for you!!

Imalia, so sorry for your loss:hugs:

jojo23 really hope this is your month!


Hows everyone else keeping?

Well i have some news of my own got my BFP on sunday:happydance: Again im so early on and hope to god i dont have another chemical like last month. I've not even made a doc appointment coz i feel like i'll jinks it in some way:blush:
Didnt have a cycle in between either so hope thats not going to go against me. Every twinge and niggle and im straight on to google looking for answers, think im going to drive dh up the wall with my craziness.


----------



## jojo23

FunToRun that is fantastic news im soooooo happy for you!!! it gives me so much hope to see ladies that have lost angels getting their bfp it makes me think im one step closer to mine. this forum (second tri losses) is such a sad place 90% of the time but im so glad we can keep in touch and share in each others good news best of luck hun im delighted for you!!! xxxx


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> Sounds very similar to my pregnancy last year Iloveblue. I had a scan at what was 7weeks by dates due to a previous ectopic but they couldn't see anything, did hcg bloods 48hours apart (which were doubling nicely) called me back for another scan which showed a sac and foetal pole, but no heartbeat, was sent away for two weeks to wait for another scan. at which point everything was looking good and they dated me at 7+1 at that point. Even though I was sure of lmp dates, I wasn't always that regular, I just turned out to be a couple of weeks behind what I thought. Fingers crossed this is just how it is for you.

It does sound similar Imalia.
By my calculations I think I'm 6 weeks tomorrow - which would fit with the fact that they couldn't see much yesterday.
I've had no more spotting/cramping and feeling nauseous so I'm feeling more positive today.


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> Imalia, I am so sorry, I am glad that they are doing more to help you. It must be so hurtful & frustrating.
> 
> ilove blue everything crossed for you xxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Maevemummy
How are you doing? Are you still having weekly check-ups?


----------



## iloveblue

FunToRun said:


> Hi ladies, not been on for a while had to get my head together without babytalk if you know what i mean??
> 
> iloveblue, i'll have my fingers and toes crossed for you!!
> 
> Imalia, so sorry for your loss:hugs:
> 
> jojo23 really hope this is your month!
> 
> 
> Hows everyone else keeping?
> 
> Well i have some news of my own got my BFP on sunday:happydance: Again im so early on and hope to god i dont have another chemical like last month. I've not even made a doc appointment coz i feel like i'll jinks it in some way:blush:
> Didnt have a cycle in between either so hope thats not going to go against me. Every twinge and niggle and im straight on to google looking for answers, think im going to drive dh up the wall with my craziness.

Great news - hoping this is a lucky one for you x
I would say though, try not to google too much - I think it can cause more problems than its worth sometimes.


----------



## MaevesMummy

I second that Step away from the search engine. I decided no more when I was trying to decipher my notes from Monday.
Monitoring went well. The little tinker absolutly HATES the CTG monitor. Barely moved for 2 days they put that on and it went crazy kicking and trying to get the straps off. 
The people I saw on Monday were horrid. They didnt make another appt for me this week even though my consultant wants me to be seen twice a week. As they were so awful and I hate DAU (it reminds me of the traumatic time between pPROM and birth) I didnt argue, but going to go to Midwife as my blood pressure is raised. Something they neglected to do Monday was take my blood pressure.
Little Monkey has barely moved today and I am back worrying again.

Sending you all love xxxxx


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> I second that Step away from the search engine. I decided no more when I was trying to decipher my notes from Monday.
> Monitoring went well. The little tinker absolutly HATES the CTG monitor. Barely moved for 2 days they put that on and it went crazy kicking and trying to get the straps off.
> The people I saw on Monday were horrid. They didnt make another appt for me this week even though my consultant wants me to be seen twice a week. As they were so awful and I hate DAU (it reminds me of the traumatic time between pPROM and birth) I didnt argue, but going to go to Midwife as my blood pressure is raised. Something they neglected to do Monday was take my blood pressure.
> Little Monkey has barely moved today and I am back worrying again.
> 
> Sending you all love xxxxx

I know its hard - but try not to worry. I'm sure he/she is fine. Have a drink of cold water - it used to get mine moving. You're doing so well x


----------



## iloveblue

I hope you don't mind me posting this, but I'm organising a sponsored midnight walk for The Miscarriage Association on August 12th. Its happening all over the country - I'm sorting a Shrewsbury group.
If anyone lives near enough and won't have their hands full with babies at the time :baby: it would be lovely if you could join me.
Alternatively, you can sponsor me here

www.justgiving.com/Kim-Black

I know we get angry when our late losses are referred to as miscarriages but I found the miscarriage association's website and leaflets really helpful after both of my losses, and it will also be a lovely way to remember our lost babies.

Thanks xx


----------



## babesx3

MaevesMummy said:


> I second that Step away from the search engine. I decided no more when I was trying to decipher my notes from Monday.
> Monitoring went well. The little tinker absolutly HATES the CTG monitor. Barely moved for 2 days they put that on and it went crazy kicking and trying to get the straps off.
> The people I saw on Monday were horrid. They didnt make another appt for me this week even though my consultant wants me to be seen twice a week. As they were so awful and I hate DAU (it reminds me of the traumatic time between pPROM and birth) I didnt argue, but going to go to Midwife as my blood pressure is raised. Something they neglected to do Monday was take my blood pressure.
> Little Monkey has barely moved today and I am back worrying again.
> 
> Sending you all love xxxxx

:hugs: its so hard all the worrying...
I guess all u can do is keep a track of movements and just keep going in if you are concerned... its what they are there for ....:flower:
Take care XX


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> I hope you don't mind me posting this, but I'm organising a sponsored midnight walk for The Miscarriage Association on August 12th. Its happening all over the country - I'm sorting a Shrewsbury group.
> If anyone lives near enough and won't have their hands full with babies at the time :baby: it would be lovely if you could join me.
> Alternatively, you can sponsor me here
> 
> www.justgiving.com/Kim-Black
> 
> I know we get angry when our late losses are referred to as miscarriages but I found the miscarriage association's website and leaflets really helpful after both of my losses, and it will also be a lovely way to remember our lost babies.
> 
> Thanks xx

remind me again after birth!! :) may well do that as i'm not that far from you!!xx


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## babesx3

Fun to Run!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! :yipee: thats great news!!!!

jojo good luck for this month!!!


Well my little monkey is still giving me the run around with lots of false labour..every time i do anything it sets of cramping and BH's....
I have a scan tomorrow to check on growth and then a consultant appointment to discus induction....
I would really like to be induced at 37 weeks as baby is full term then... hes had steroid jabs too, so lungs will be ok... , my babies are always big , so size wise he should be ok... I just feel really ready to get him out... I'm so scared of him dying, i just want him where i can see hes ok now hes big enough to come.... hope they will agree with me!!


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> MaevesMummy said:
> 
> 
> I second that Step away from the search engine. I decided no more when I was trying to decipher my notes from Monday.
> Monitoring went well. The little tinker absolutly HATES the CTG monitor. Barely moved for 2 days they put that on and it went crazy kicking and trying to get the straps off.
> The people I saw on Monday were horrid. They didnt make another appt for me this week even though my consultant wants me to be seen twice a week. As they were so awful and I hate DAU (it reminds me of the traumatic time between pPROM and birth) I didnt argue, but going to go to Midwife as my blood pressure is raised. Something they neglected to do Monday was take my blood pressure.
> Little Monkey has barely moved today and I am back worrying again.
> 
> Sending you all love xxxxx
> 
> I know its hard - but try not to worry. I'm sure he/she is fine. Have a drink of cold water - it used to get mine moving. You're doing so well xClick to expand...


Tried everything cold water ice lolly, and layoing down, Orange juice. In the end the cheese cake made him/her shuffle its little bottom about a bit. I guess its just Lazy. Thanks though to listening to me winge... I guess I am just like Nat's. I am so scared that the baby might be in distress or dying and I just dont notice... :hugs:


----------



## tootsiegb

I love blue have you been back for bloods? How did it go?
Hope all was ok. Thinking of you x


----------



## iloveblue

Hi tootsie - thankyou of thinking of me

I got the first set of my HCG results (taken on Monday). They were 14000 ish. The nurse I spoke to said this is high and they would have expected to see more than just a possible gestational sac on the scan.
I think (from my limited googling research) that she was implying that they should have seen a yolk sac too, although she did say she has seen cases like this that have been fine.
I found some info online though which seems to say that the yolk sac can occur anytime between 5 +3 and 6 weeks. I think I was 5+5 when I had the scan.
Its just something else to worry about - its hard.


----------



## tootsiegb

I love blue, 
Have you got to go for another scan? I am sorry I know you have probably already said.
I am very forgetful lately.
I wouldnt worry too much about what she has said, I know that you will automatically worry its natural, but try your hardest not too. 
You arent bleeding now are you?
I hope your levels rise again when you go back. When do you collect the next lot of results? Sending my love, xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Everything crossed for you> Every pregnancy progresses differently, I dont know if you remember, they scanned me at 8 weeks and said I was 7.5 weeks -8, then again at 12 weeks and the bloke put me down at 8 weeks, and I was convinced it was all over then. But by 13 weeks dates were back to just a few days behind. xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## jojo23

hope your ok hun and keeping positive as hard as it is!!!!! think im feeling AF on the way and to top it off next week is my due date and im an absolute mess:( really thought id fall pregnant quickly and be pregnant by now but im not so if AF comes along and with the due date next week itll just be another kick when im down!!!

dont know what id do without all you lovely ladies for inspiration. dont even feel i belong in any other forum other than second tri losses!!! thanks girls xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Imalia

Jojo, I know how you feel. I thought (hoped) I would be pregnant by my due date, and I wasn't and it was so hard. Now I'm facing the first anniversary of losing our son in 5 weeks time, and I'm still no closer to having a rainbow to make me smile again. I just know that I am going to completely lose it next month.


----------



## jojo23

Imalia said:


> Jojo, I know how you feel. I thought (hoped) I would be pregnant by my due date, and I wasn't and it was so hard. Now I'm facing the first anniversary of losing our son in 5 weeks time, and I'm still no closer to having a rainbow to make me smile again. I just know that I am going to completely lose it next month.

awe hun my heart goes out to you... im 4 months on now from losing Lily and i cant imagine how you feel. every month i get AF i feel my heart breaking a little more and people saying oh your young really gets to me(im 24) im just trying to keep positive and not stress myself out but i know some day soon ill burst and just have a melt down! we'll all be here for you in the next few weeks hun xxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## iloveblue

Hi everyone
I ended up spending Thursday night on the gynae ward with a suspected ectopic. My HCG levels only went up by 300 from Monday to Wednesday, added to the fact that they had only seen a sac on the scan on Monday - they were worried.
Anyway, I had another scan and there was a yolk sac, so it isn't ectopic and it has progressed since Monday but the sonographer doesn't think it looks like a viable pregnancy.
I don't feel sick today either so I'm just waiting for the inevitable really. I've got another scan next Friday.

Hope you're all okay xx


----------



## Imalia

Just popped in to say I'm thinking of you Iloveblue. Hoping things aren't as bad as they seem right now.:hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> Hi everyone
> I ended up spending Thursday night on the gynae ward with a suspected ectopic. My HCG levels only went up by 300 from Monday to Wednesday, added to the fact that they had only seen a sac on the scan on Monday - they were worried.
> Anyway, I had another scan and there was a yolk sac, so it isn't ectopic and it has progressed since Monday but the sonographer doesn't think it looks like a viable pregnancy.
> I don't feel sick today either so I'm just waiting for the inevitable really. I've got another scan next Friday.
> 
> Hope you're all okay xx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I have everything crossed and everyones pregnancies develop at different rates I really hope for this to be the time.
Thinking of you xxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: iloveblue..have everything crossed!!! xx


----------



## tootsiegb

Thinking of you iloveblue. I have my fingers crossed that all will be ok for you xxxx


----------



## jojo23

sending you lots of love iloveblue!!! xxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

I'm so sorry you're going through this, you will be in my thoughts hun I'm really hoping for the best for you xx


----------



## iloveblue

Thanks for the all the messages - you are all lovely.
I'm still feeling pregnant, nauseous, exhausted, sore boobs etc. 
Its the not knowing thats driving me mad.
Hope everyone else is okay xx


----------



## jojo23

awe hun i know its so hard waiting for answers!! keep positive and we're all praying and wishing for you.... xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs:


----------



## tootsiegb

iloveblue, i still have everything crossed for you. fingers are hurting now!!

I am a bit upset today, my best friend told me she is pregnant again. I got pregnant when her little boy was born, and now she is pregnant again. I feel so ashamed that i am so jealous, but it makes me so sad that 14 months later i still dont have a baby.

Sorry for the moan. I know i am being silly. xx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: toots.. its ok to feel down about it..its only natural :hugs:

iloveblue is it this fri your scan??? hope the week passes fast for u !! :hugs: crap all this waiting :(


I'm very ready now to have baby, my scan last wed estimated him at 7lbs 10 oz so must be at least 8lbs now...:wacko:
Had a crappy time with registrar who saw me after . my consultant was away and she didn't have the authority to book induction.... she went on and on about risk of GD as i havn't had GTT and have big babies..she then went on and on about still birth and GD, until i finally broke down in tears.. then i couldn't stop , couldn't think was crap. i then went to have bloods done for GD. i've not had any testing in this preg, i couldn't face it, as the last time i'd had bloods in ANC was when i found out charlie had died..then i'd had so many done for PM etc, just couldn't face them.. anyway, i then i had to go to the same room with the same nurse who had took them that day with charlie.:( was horrible. just couldn't stop crying... hormones didn't help, but it just brought it all back :(

anyway have to move on, and try and be positive about this baby, which is hard when i worry everyday about him, i can;t wait to have him in my arms at long last...
I have another scan a week on weds and will see my consultant then who WILL book my induction , hopefully for a few days later!! FX


----------



## tootsiegb

Sending :hugs: babesx3. Thats only natural too, that you would be stressed out by having bloods done. 
I am sure all will be fine for you, Thanks for your support xx


----------



## jojo23

awe babesx3 it must be such an exciting/scary time for you... can only imagine the hormones going crazy lol. im waiting for af at the moment hoping she doesnt come along, no use symptom spotting it just doesnt work for me i can never tell....

my due date is thursday and im pretty sure im gonna be alone that day as OH has to work but ill prob go to Lilys grave and put something pretty on it. going to be a sad day:(

hope all goes well at your scan hun xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

Thanks girls:friends:, such a mixture of emotions of fear and excitement and hormonal crying :blush: my poor OH .. somehow i can't believe i will have this baby soon, i'm getting prepared for him , but also telling myself not 2to be complacent either, and to be prepared just in case..


:hugs: jojo will be thinking of you on thursday.... i struggled on charlires due date, is there no way your dh can get the day off for you to spend together?? I did somehow feel more at peace after the due date ....:shrug: its like your emtions get all built up for the day, and its a relief for it to pass... :hugs: hope the day passes gently for you!!! xxx


----------



## jojo23

im actually quite calm about it at the moment tbh, i think im ok about just spending the day with my thoughts if that makes sense, i cant be sad anymore i just have to move on and be happy that i was lucky enough to have her in my life for even the shortest amount of time. i know my time will come soon and i will be so happy to have that.... Babesx3 your such an inspiration to us all its so nice to see you having a happy healthy pregnancy,hormones and all lol!!! thanks for all the wonderful support xxxxxxx


----------



## tootsiegb

Hi girls, hope you are all ok. 
iloveblue good luck on your scan. 
i got my smiley today, so hubby will be on the treadmill later & 2moro & the next day for luck!!! I am so hoping that i will get pregnant soon and i will be able to have my forever baby. 
Love to you all xx


----------



## jojo23

awe girls im so heartbroken, as you all know today is my due date, AF was also due today but didnt show so i took a test but :bfn: im just so heartbroken by everything now i really thought last month was our month but it wasnt and now another :bfn: i just feel like giving up.... i might test again in a couple of days as it was only a boots brand test and i didnt use fmu, also my last cycle was a bit wacky so i might not be due af till next week!!!! please say a prayer or cross your fingers for me girls dont think i can take anymore heartache!


----------



## tootsiegb

Jojo, it still might be too early yet hun. Yesterday was one year exactly since i saw my first baby at our twelve week scan, it made me sad to think i still have nothing to show.... I will cross my fingers that we both get our BFP this month.
Thinking of you xxx


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## babesx3

Big hugs Jojo :hugs: such a sad day ... have everything crossed AF doesn't show and u get your BFP in the next couple of days XXX

u too toots!!! some BFP's are defo due :friends:


----------



## jojo23

agreed babesx3 we definitely need to start gettin some good news between us all, im just hoping it was too early for bfp so fingers crossed and ill retest monday! although i know getting through the weekend will kill me without poas lol xxx hugs to you all


----------



## SatansSprite

I feel crazy, having just lost my baby 3 days ago, but already thinking about wanting to heal physically, maybe find out if my suspicion about the reason why I lost this one, and get the OK from a doc with regards to being allowed to try again. 

Of course it still hurts to have lost this one, and if I think the wrong thought or see something relating to it like an information sheet for something, or just...anything, I get a little weak and start crying a bit.

But at the same time, I wanna look forward and to the future towards trying again. Please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking this way already.


----------



## tootsiegb

iloveblue,

how have you got on today? Hope it was good news for you.

sending my love xxx


----------



## daopdesign

SatansSprite said:


> I feel crazy, having just lost my baby 3 days ago, but already thinking about wanting to heal physically, maybe find out if my suspicion about the reason why I lost this one, and get the OK from a doc with regards to being allowed to try again.
> 
> Of course it still hurts to have lost this one, and if I think the wrong thought or see something relating to it like an information sheet for something, or just...anything, I get a little weak and start crying a bit.
> 
> But at the same time, I wanna look forward and to the future towards trying again. Please tell me I'm not crazy for thinking this way already.

There is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with getting on with your life and being positive. Every one deals with stuff in their own way and there was way I was gonna stay in a dark place after my loss at 16 weeks. Life can be cruel sometimes but you just gotta get on with it :kiss:


----------



## SatansSprite

I'm just hoping that this whole thing doesn't exclude or disqualify me from being able to seek midwife care again.

In my area they tend to only deal with low-risk pregnancies, so Im hoping the results come back that it was just something possibly treatable or preventable (like an infection) so that I can go under midwife care instead of with an OB, because I very much preferred being with them...so much more informative and supportive. Having now sort of done both, I loved the midwife care better, so hoping I'll still be able to do it again.


----------



## iloveblue

tootsiegb said:


> iloveblue,
> 
> how have you got on today? Hope it was good news for you.
> 
> sending my love xxx

\thanks for thinking of me tootsie.
It wasn't good news unfortunately. They couldn't even see the yolk sac this time, and although the gestational sac has grown, it hasn't grown enough.
They offered me pessaries to help it along but I've decided to wait and let it happen naturally.
Its crappy, but at least I was prepared for it.
My husband and I are booked in Monday morning for blood tests as part of the recurrent miscarriage investigations. But they said only about 10-15% of couples ever get a diagnosis.

Hope everyone else is okay xx


----------



## jojo23

oh iloveblue im so so sorry!!! this is just so unfair..all i can say is i hope it will be as easy on you as possible and we're all here for you! ill be thinking of you over the next while and if you need anything ill be here xxxxxxxxxxx stay stong and :hugs: to you and your amazing family


----------



## Imalia

I'm so sorry Iloveblue. I was really hoping for better news for you :hug:


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: iloveblue XXX


----------



## MissMaternal

I'm really sorry iloveblue I was really really hoping for good news for you xxx


----------



## apple_sauce

SatansSprite said:


> I'm just hoping that this whole thing doesn't exclude or disqualify me from being able to seek midwife care again.
> 
> In my area they tend to only deal with low-risk pregnancies, so Im hoping the results come back that it was just something possibly treatable or preventable (like an infection) so that I can go under midwife care instead of with an OB, because I very much preferred being with them...so much more informative and supportive. Having now sort of done both, I loved the midwife care better, so hoping I'll still be able to do it again.

Some midwives will see you even if your highrisk. I was highrisk after having losing my daughter, plus they found other issues with cervical shortening. I still had a midwife but I also had an ob. The midwives delt with the everyday pregnancy stuff, and my ob delt with the highrisk parts. Not sure where you are in Ontario, but I hope they can do something like they did for me for you. If you want to talk or get anymore information please feel free to pm me.


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue said:


> tootsiegb said:
> 
> 
> iloveblue,
> 
> how have you got on today? Hope it was good news for you.
> 
> sending my love xxx
> 
> \thanks for thinking of me tootsie.
> It wasn't good news unfortunately. They couldn't even see the yolk sac this time, and although the gestational sac has grown, it hasn't grown enough.
> They offered me pessaries to help it along but I've decided to wait and let it happen naturally.
> Its crappy, but at least I was prepared for it.
> My husband and I are booked in Monday morning for blood tests as part of the recurrent miscarriage investigations. But they said only about 10-15% of couples ever get a diagnosis.
> 
> Hope everyone else is okay xxClick to expand...

:hugs::hugs::hugs:
I am so sorry, I can not imagine how you must be feeling :(
Sending you massive hugs xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## tootsiegb

i am so sorry iloveblue, I was so hoping that this would be it for you. 
Thinking of you, I hope it doesnt take too long, the worst bit is the waiting. 
Sending you lots of love xxxxx


----------



## Suze

iloveblue big big :hugs: I'm so sorry it wasn't better news


----------



## Mauser

I lost my beloved son Brendan, who was born prematurely at 23w3d, almost 3 years ago. I just found out (surprise!!!) that we are expecting again. At just under 7 weeks, I'm already a basket case. Oh heck, I started sobbing and hyperventilating as soon as I got my BFP. And we're still so much in shock. Because of our past history, plus our ages... chance of miscarriage is high. We find ourselves constantly adding "if we make it that far". "What color should we paint the nursery, if we get that far?" "What kind of dress should I wear at that party next week, if we make it that far?" Ugh!!!


----------



## SatansSprite

Sounds like what my mindset will be..."if we make it that far"

Granted, I think that's probably the mindset most of us who've experienced losses probably look at things when conceiving again.

Fingers crossed for a sticky bean for you though


----------



## jojo23

congrats hun take everyday as a blessing and youll be fine xxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Hi mauser! I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Brendan.but congratulations on your new pregnancy! I hope everything works out for you. I ALWAYS find myself saying "if we make it that far..." too! I think its perfectly natural after loss. Xx


----------



## SatansSprite

It's gonna be my mindset when I get preggers again. Hell, I already am thinking that way when I think about being preg again....then I start thinking worst case scenarios and get myself all depressed *sigh*


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: and welcome to new members!!!xxx

I have to admit to still living in 'hopefully' having baby... its only natural after the devastating blow of loss...
I've driven them nuts with extra scans and monitoring, but if it gets u thru pregnancy then so be it!! i've totted up 14 scans so far..and will be having another tomorrow, before i get my induction date for next week..'hopefully'


----------



## SatansSprite

I dunno what I'm gonna need to do to reassure myself when I get preggers again. I had an extra ultrasound just 4 days before I miscarried and everything had 'apparently' looked fine then. Granted I was never checked internally so I have no idea if I had started to dilate prematurely, one would think SOMETHING was going on down there after 5 days of contractions...

...maybe thats what I'll need to reassure myself, periodic checking of, down there, to make sure it's still closed until it's supposed to be open.


----------



## babesx3

would u need a stitch put in place? sorry i don't know why your lost your angel? but if u were in preterm labour i would of though that is treatable? :shrug: will u see a consultant to discus your care plan?


----------



## Imalia

I already think that way too. Heck, I think in terms of "if" I even get pregnant. I think it's natural.


----------



## SatansSprite

babesx3 said:


> would u need a stitch put in place? sorry i don't know why your lost your angel? but if u were in preterm labour i would of though that is treatable? :shrug: will u see a consultant to discus your care plan?

Well I don't know for sure why I miscarried. Ive got appointments with both the OB who had been on call, and then with the midwife to go over the pathology report. My suspicion though is that the infection I was found to have 5 days before miscarrying was just discovered too late and that it had caused some of the problems and such.

I have no idea what steps might need to be taken if I get pregnant again, I'll have to ask the OB, Midwife and maybe even my family doctor what they think/suggest.


----------



## babesx3

:hi:
Popping in to let u know i had my little boy on friday 1st July 11.45am!!!
weighing 9lbs 3oz..Hes perfect :cloud9: a very special little rainbow!!!

hope you are all well :friends:


----------



## MissMaternal

Oh wow huge congrats!! we want pics lol! Glad he is here safely xxx

How is everyone else doing?


----------



## babesx3

here he is yesterday at 2 days old :cloud9:


----------



## tootsiegb

He is gorgeous, congratulations. You give me hope xxxx


----------



## jojo23

awe babesx3 im so delighted for you he is stunning!!!! im so glad you have your little rainbow finally xxxxx 

i have literally just spent a fortune on opk basal thermometers and soft cups lol!!!im so resigned now to doing things properly so hopefully we'll all be following in your footsteps


love to your family and your new little man xxxxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

babesx3 said:


> View attachment 230077
> 
> 
> here he is yesterday at 2 days old :cloud9:

Oh he is sooo gorgeous! Congrats hun :flower:

Iloveblue, Imalia and Maevesmummy how are you all doing?

As for me, i am 12 weeks today. I am still waiting for my scan letter to come through though! So annoying! xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Hayden is gorgeous, I wish I could come over and give him a big hug! Hi Miss Maternal, that must be really frustrating. Have you tried calling them, they should be a little more sensative towards yourneeds than that :( Sending you big hugs.
I wasnt doing so bad, but our doggy died friday, he had a heart attack and its not only made me feel quiet low, but I feel panicky again. I am now32 weeks and feeling a huge pressure down bellow, not sure if its normal as the furthest I ever got before was 22 weeks. I remember in the lead up to Maeve's birth feeling pressure. Just having a panic about it really.
Sending much love to everyone else, thinking of you iloveblue and Imalia xxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

MaevesMummy said:


> Hayden is gorgeous, I wish I could come over and give him a big hug! Hi Miss Maternal, that must be really frustrating. Have you tried calling them, they should be a little more sensative towards yourneeds than that :( Sending you big hugs.
> I wasnt doing so bad, but our doggy died friday, he had a heart attack and its not only made me feel quiet low, but I feel panicky again. I am now32 weeks and feeling a huge pressure down bellow, not sure if its normal as the furthest I ever got before was 22 weeks. I remember in the lead up to Maeve's birth feeling pressure. Just having a panic about it really.
> Sending much love to everyone else, thinking of you iloveblue and Imalia xxxx

Yeah i called them last week, and they said there is a bit of a backlog at the moment. Also, our hospital now does the nuchal test aswell, which they didn't offer last time i had a scan. We have opted out of it, so i think that i may have got pushed back because of this and that people who are having the nuchal done are ahead of me. But oh well! Sorry to hear about your dog, that's really sad :( I can't believe you are 32 weeks already! I really hope baby stays put for a bit longer and that you can relax a bit :) xxx


----------



## Jox

babesx3 said:


> View attachment 230077
> 
> 
> here he is yesterday at 2 days old :cloud9:

How gorgeous is he!!! recognised from his pic that ive commented on Rainbow babies page on FB!! never even realised that was you!!

Huge congratulations!!!! so happy for you, Hayden is gorgeous!! xxx


----------



## Imalia

I'm doing pretty crappy really. 9 days until our baby's angel birthday and I'm just so damn emotional and it's all just coming back. The hurt and the anger, not to mention the frustration at not being any closer to our rainbow. It's just not fair and I'm not sure I know how to keep coping with it anymore.

Congrats to Babesx3, Hayden is gorgeous and I know you're relieved to have him here safe and sound. I hope things continue to go well for you Maevesmummy and Miss Maternal. I'm so jealous of you all.


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> I'm doing pretty crappy really. 9 days until our baby's angel birthday and I'm just so damn emotional and it's all just coming back. The hurt and the anger, not to mention the frustration at not being any closer to our rainbow. It's just not fair and I'm not sure I know how to keep coping with it anymore.
> 
> Congrats to Babesx3, Hayden is gorgeous and I know you're relieved to have him here safe and sound. I hope things continue to go well for you Maevesmummy and Miss Maternal. I'm so jealous of you all.

I am so sorry Imalia, I can not imagine how hard things must be for you, I think of you often. I have everything crossed for you. Life is so unfair to those who least deserve it.
Sending you lots of love 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

Thanks Jox!!! i thought that was u!! :)

miss M have u had a scan letter yet? must be driving you crazy!!!

Maeves mummy hope u are ok!!!! stay put little one just a couple more weeks!!! :hugs:

iloveblue how are you?

:hugs: Imalia..i hope everytime i come on here that you will have better news :hugs: it isn't fair i agree XXXXX wish i could say something to help, but i know my positivity will just be anoying :hugs: i will remain hopeful for you :friends:

sorry to those i've not mentioned hope u are all doing really well..:friends:


----------



## MissMaternal

Yes my scan letter eventually came yesterday! Its on Thursday! Eeeek xx


----------



## babesx3

Good luck for thursday Miss M XXX


----------



## MissMaternal

Thankyou xx


----------



## jojo23

ok girls got a positive opk today :):):) yay!!! so myself and OH DTD and i used an instead softcup after...will do the same tomorrow. really hoping its my month and trying to stay positive... say a prayer :)

hope you are all well love to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxx :)


----------



## babesx3

good luck jojo!!!!xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

jojo23 said:


> ok girls got a positive opk today :):):) yay!!! so myself and OH DTD and i used an instead softcup after...will do the same tomorrow. really hoping its my month and trying to stay positive... say a prayer :)
> 
> hope you are all well love to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxx :)

try to relax and enjoy! :happydance::happydance::happydance: ;)



I have everything crossed for you Miss M! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Sending Imalia and iloveblue much love and they are in my thoughts, as is everyone else here xxxx


----------



## jenny25

hi girls xxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Hi Jenny!!!! I remember you from PAL spring/summer babies and often think of you...how are you? I see you are pregnant again, huge congrats! How far are you hun?

I had my scan today...and everything looks PERFECT! I am SO relieved. Obviously i can't relax until my 20 week scan, because that's when i lost Freya...But it's so good to know that we have a heartbeat :happydance: The sonographer was so understanding of my situation and made sure she checked for a heartbeat before she did any checks, just to put my mind at rest :flower: I have been dated at 12 weeks 2 days. xx


----------



## jenny25

hey sweetie :D this is us just getting our bfp since jamie we actually had been going through fertility testing since jan and we saw the consultant on friday who was going too put us on clomid and boom bfp today im only 8dpo but i got a positive on a frer and a clearblue digi so just shy of 4 weeks hun xxx congrats on your pregnancy hun xxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Wow congrats! I hope this one is sticky for you. How typical is that, to get your bfp just before you start clomid! Congrats hun, really hope things work out for you and that Jamie is up in the clouds playing with my angels :flower: xx


----------



## jenny25

i know its great hun im so happy too see you again hun its scary over this side of the woods i guess for our history my biggest aim for paul and i is to get to our 12 week scan and not see any problems xxx


----------



## babesx3

MissMaternal said:


> Hi Jenny!!!! I remember you from PAL spring/summer babies and often think of you...how are you? I see you are pregnant again, huge congrats! How far are you hun?
> 
> I had my scan today...and everything looks PERFECT! I am SO relieved. Obviously i can't relax until my 20 week scan, because that's when i lost Freya...But it's so good to know that we have a heartbeat :happydance: The sonographer was so understanding of my situation and made sure she checked for a heartbeat before she did any checks, just to put my mind at rest :flower: I have been dated at 12 weeks 2 days. xx

:yipee: thats fantastic news!!!!:flower:


----------



## babesx3

jenny25 said:


> hey sweetie :D this is us just getting our bfp since jamie we actually had been going through fertility testing since jan and we saw the consultant on friday who was going too put us on clomid and boom bfp today im only 8dpo but i got a positive on a frer and a clearblue digi so just shy of 4 weeks hun xxx congrats on your pregnancy hun xxx

:yipee: Congratulations!!! hope you have a happy healthy 9 months!!!:flower:


----------



## jenny25

thank you darling xxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

jenny25 said:


> hey sweetie :D this is us just getting our bfp since jamie we actually had been going through fertility testing since jan and we saw the consultant on friday who was going too put us on clomid and boom bfp today im only 8dpo but i got a positive on a frer and a clearblue digi so just shy of 4 weeks hun xxx congrats on your pregnancy hun xxx

Congrats! :):happydance:


----------



## Imalia

Just popping in to say I'm thinking of you Maeve's Mummy and Miss Maternal, hoping you're getting along well :)


----------



## MissMaternal

Hi imalia! I am well thankyou  my doppler arrived today and I found the heartbeat straight away! We have also booked our privste gender scan for 21st august so I'm looking forward to that. How are you doing hun? Xxx


----------



## iloveblue

Hi everyone
I have been lurking but not posted for a while.
Hope everyone is okay x

MissM - I'm so pleased things are going well. You deserve it xx
Can I just ask if you are taking any medication this time?

Imalia - how are you? I remember you saying something about a possible new treatment plan, has anything come of that?

MaevesM - hope you and little one are still doing well. Not long to go now - how are you feeling? xx

Nats - how are you and little Hayden?

I'm enjoying not worrying about ttc at the moment.
Have appointment with local recurrent mc specialist on 1st Sept - so will reassess then, but don't think we will be trying again till next year.
But I'm fine - feeling positive.
Just finished for the school hols (I'm a teacher) and looking forward to having some adventures with my boys xx


----------



## Imalia

I'm still hanging in there. I think I have lost most of my faith and my hope, but I'm still to stubborn, or stupid to quit. One of the Dr's we saw did get us into a trial treatment, which we're starting in a few weeks and I am trying to be positive about that.

Right now a lot of my energy is focused elsewhere, it took just about everything I had to get through his birthday last week, and our dog is having puppies, so there's a lot going on.


----------



## tootsiegb

iloveblue said:


> Hi everyone
> I have been lurking but not posted for a while.
> Hope everyone is okay x
> 
> MissM - I'm so pleased things are going well. You deserve it xx
> Can I just ask if you are taking any medication this time?
> 
> Imalia - how are you? I remember you saying something about a possible new treatment plan, has anything come of that?
> 
> MaevesM - hope you and little one are still doing well. Not long to go now - how are you feeling? xx
> 
> Nats - how are you and little Hayden?
> 
> I'm enjoying not worrying about ttc at the moment.
> Have appointment with local recurrent mc specialist on 1st Sept - so will reassess then, but don't think we will be trying again till next year.
> But I'm fine - feeling positive.
> Just finished for the school hols (I'm a teacher) and looking forward to having some adventures with my boys xx

I love blue I was wondering how you are. I am gald that you are seeing a specialist, I hope that it goes well. Have a nice 6 weeks off. I am ok. still trying to get preggers. Fingers croassed it will happen soon. xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Hi there, I have had a very difficult few weeks I have been diagnosed as having IUGR, but everything seems ok so I am very very lucky.
I have been thinking of everyone on here lots.

iloveblue, it must be difficult but great you are being positive. I was wondering if you might have hughes syndrome like me? I hope you get some answers and hope. For both you and Imalia, I can not even begin to imagine the pain of loosing again, I feel very lucky that everything happened the other way round for me (early then 2nd tri) if any of us here can call ourselves lucky. I cant imagine the pain you have both suffered just want to send you big hugs. And everyone else TTC xxx
Nats, hope all is well with you and your cutie? 
Tootsie, I will keep everything crossed for you.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

iloveblue said:


> Hi everyone
> I have been lurking but not posted for a while.
> Hope everyone is okay x
> 
> MissM - I'm so pleased things are going well. You deserve it xx
> Can I just ask if you are taking any medication this time?
> 
> Imalia - how are you? I remember you saying something about a possible new treatment plan, has anything come of that?
> 
> MaevesM - hope you and little one are still doing well. Not long to go now - how are you feeling? xx
> 
> Nats - how are you and little Hayden?
> 
> I'm enjoying not worrying about ttc at the moment.
> Have appointment with local recurrent mc specialist on 1st Sept - so will reassess then, but don't think we will be trying again till next year.
> But I'm fine - feeling positive.
> Just finished for the school hols (I'm a teacher) and looking forward to having some adventures with my boys xx

Hey hun, the only medication i am taking is baby aspirin. Whether it is making any difference or not i will never know i guess! But i have been told to take it for the whole of my pregnancy. 

I am glad you are feeling positive, and it is good that you have a date now for seeing the specialist....it gives you a milestone to reach, if that makes any sense at all! Enjoy your time off over the summer, my Mum is a school secretary and is looking forward to her time off too! 

xxx


----------



## iloveblue

MaevesMummy said:


> Hi there, I have had a very difficult few weeks I have been diagnosed as having IUGR, but everything seems ok so I am very very lucky.
> I have been thinking of everyone on here lots.
> 
> iloveblue, it must be difficult but great you are being positive. I was wondering if you might have hughes syndrome like me? I hope you get some answers and hope. For both you and Imalia, I can not even begin to imagine the pain of loosing again, I feel very lucky that everything happened the other way round for me (early then 2nd tri) if any of us here can call ourselves lucky. I cant imagine the pain you have both suffered just want to send you big hugs. And everyone else TTC xxx
> Nats, hope all is well with you and your cutie?
> Tootsie, I will keep everything crossed for you.
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sorry you've had a difficult few weeks - and hoping will all my heart it continues to go well for you.
I have had a look into Hughes Syndrome - I think I was tested for it after my late loss, but will need to doublecheck.
Do you have any symptoms with it? 
The only thing I get that could be linked is migraines - and havn't had one for ages (touch wood).


----------



## iloveblue

MissMaternal said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hi everyone
> I have been lurking but not posted for a while.
> Hope everyone is okay x
> 
> MissM - I'm so pleased things are going well. You deserve it xx
> Can I just ask if you are taking any medication this time?
> 
> Imalia - how are you? I remember you saying something about a possible new treatment plan, has anything come of that?
> 
> MaevesM - hope you and little one are still doing well. Not long to go now - how are you feeling? xx
> 
> Nats - how are you and little Hayden?
> 
> I'm enjoying not worrying about ttc at the moment.
> Have appointment with local recurrent mc specialist on 1st Sept - so will reassess then, but don't think we will be trying again till next year.
> But I'm fine - feeling positive.
> Just finished for the school hols (I'm a teacher) and looking forward to having some adventures with my boys xx
> 
> Hey hun, the only medication i am taking is baby aspirin. Whether it is making any difference or not i will never know i guess! But i have been told to take it for the whole of my pregnancy.
> 
> I am glad you are feeling positive, and it is good that you have a date now for seeing the specialist....it gives you a milestone to reach, if that makes any sense at all! Enjoy your time off over the summer, my Mum is a school secretary and is looking forward to her time off too!
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

I think I will definitely try the aspirin next time - and will be asking my consultant about it. How are you feeling?


----------



## iloveblue

tootsiegb said:


> iloveblue said:
> 
> 
> Hi everyone
> I have been lurking but not posted for a while.
> Hope everyone is okay x
> 
> MissM - I'm so pleased things are going well. You deserve it xx
> Can I just ask if you are taking any medication this time?
> 
> Imalia - how are you? I remember you saying something about a possible new treatment plan, has anything come of that?
> 
> MaevesM - hope you and little one are still doing well. Not long to go now - how are you feeling? xx
> 
> Nats - how are you and little Hayden?
> 
> I'm enjoying not worrying about ttc at the moment.
> Have appointment with local recurrent mc specialist on 1st Sept - so will reassess then, but don't think we will be trying again till next year.
> But I'm fine - feeling positive.
> Just finished for the school hols (I'm a teacher) and looking forward to having some adventures with my boys xx
> 
> I love blue I was wondering how you are. I am gald that you are seeing a specialist, I hope that it goes well. Have a nice 6 weeks off. I am ok. still trying to get preggers. Fingers croassed it will happen soon. xxClick to expand...

Hope you get your BFP soon tootsie xxx


----------



## iloveblue

Imalia said:


> I'm still hanging in there. I think I have lost most of my faith and my hope, but I'm still to stubborn, or stupid to quit. One of the Dr's we saw did get us into a trial treatment, which we're starting in a few weeks and I am trying to be positive about that.
> 
> Right now a lot of my energy is focused elsewhere, it took just about everything I had to get through his birthday last week, and our dog is having puppies, so there's a lot going on.

I don't think its stupid to keep trying Imalia - don't give up. I'm really hoping the trial treatment helps for you xxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

iloveblue I have been seeing a lupus specialist for about 4 years for various autoimmune problems suspected Lupus (difficult to Diagnose) so it was a given I was High risk for hughes. I tested negative in week 5 of my pregnancy. The problems only appeared in blood tests after I delivered Maeve, they refused to test during the pregnancy (My gut instinct was there was something wrong). The tests afterwards had high antibody counts, this was about 8 weeks on... I would place money on a test being negative 6 months on from pregnancy. Some ladies only have issues during pregnancy, or never produce a positive test... 
There are other thrombophillia issues they should be looking for too. Factor v Leiden and Lupus Anticoagulant. There is something called Natural Killer Cells to which is an immune system problem too, you could ask about a test for those. Another thing to get checked is thyroid problems. Some Dr's will also prescribe proestrogen, mine refused though.
I hope this helps. I might have had a difficult few weeks, but I know how damn lucky I am I can not imagine how heartbreaking it must be to have problems TTC, and more loss after a 2nd tri one. Sending everyone massive hugs and I have everything crossed for you all xxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jenny25

missmaternal - just popping back mc again on friday im now on the hunt to see if their is more to our losses other than antiphospholipid syndrome and pcos had enough now x


----------



## MaevesMummy

jenny25 said:


> missmaternal - just popping back mc again on friday im now on the hunt to see if their is more to our losses other than antiphospholipid syndrome and pcos had enough now x

:hugs::hugs:
Sorry to see this Jenny. I will drop you a message if thats ok. This must be awful. Thinking of you xxxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Iloveblue I am feeling great physically thanks, just a bit anxious still, obviously. need to get past 20 weeks and i can start to relax a little hopefully! Got my doppler now so that's keeping me sane for now! 

Jenny hun I saw on the race for a bfp thread that you had mc... I meant to pm you but I forgot :-( I really am so so sorry hun...I had everything crossed for you :hugs: how are you feeling? Xxx


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just popping in to see how everyone is doing??? im due AF in 2 days so i have literally everything crossed that she wont show up... will hopefully test that day so say a prayer :)

hope everyone is well and we all get some good news soon xxx


----------



## ms.hope

Hello,

I thought I woould join u guys since I lost my twins at 22 weeks on May 29.


----------



## babesx3

:hi: ms hope so sorry for your loss :hugs:

maeves mummy wow 35 weeks!!! eek not long now!! :) will be such a releif to finally have baby!! :hugs:

missm..glad to see all is going well..long may it continue!!! :)

iloveblue..:hugs: keep hoping to see u with your sticky bean.... 

Imalia :hugs: don't give up , your baby will come :hugs: hang on in there XXXXX

jojo .... got my FX you get your bfp tomorrow!!! :)

and toots hope your bfp is really soon!!:flower:

jenny big hugs :hugs: so sorry you are going thru another loss :cry: its just not fair :nope:

Hope everyone else is ok!! :friends:

Well we are doing great Hayden is a little dream, i love him so much, i get confused sometimes and think of him as Charlie, but i guess thats only natural... i hug hayden then give him an extra hug for charlie .....
Its coming up to a year since i lost charlie.... its the 4th september.. i have decided to get all 4 of my children baptised on his aniversary, as a celebration of life and i want god to have all of my children in his family... i know the day will be emotional, i never believed in god till i lost my charlie, but when he was blessed in the hospital i felt his spirit leave and have felt that he really is in the arms of god... hence having them all baptised..... i feel close to charlie when we go to church like when we are there we are all together..:cloud9:


----------



## jojo23

awe babesx3 thats such a lovely idea!! it will really be such a gorgeous day for you all to remember charlie and celebrate your family!

im getting bfn's at the minute but im due AF in 2 days so i might wait until this weekend to re-test but i dont feel very hopeful today lol sooo emotional!!! xxxxx


----------



## babesx3

:hugs: emotional is a good bfp sign!!:flower:
will keep my fx for u:thumbup:


----------



## MissMaternal

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just popping in to see how everyone is doing??? im due AF in 2 days so i have literally everything crossed that she wont show up... will hopefully test that day so say a prayer :)
> 
> hope everyone is well and we all get some good news soon xxx

I hope you get your bfp! Good luck! xx



ms.hope said:


> Hello,
> 
> I thought I woould join u guys since I lost my twins at 22 weeks on May 29.

Welcome :flower: I am so sorry for your losses...did you know the sex of your little ones? Hope you are coping as well as you can xx



babesx3 said:


> :hi: ms hope so sorry for your loss :hugs:
> 
> maeves mummy wow 35 weeks!!! eek not long now!! :) will be such a releif to finally have baby!! :hugs:
> 
> missm..glad to see all is going well..long may it continue!!! :)
> 
> iloveblue..:hugs: keep hoping to see u with your sticky bean....
> 
> Imalia :hugs: don't give up , your baby will come :hugs: hang on in there XXXXX
> 
> jojo .... got my FX you get your bfp tomorrow!!! :)
> 
> and toots hope your bfp is really soon!!:flower:
> 
> jenny big hugs :hugs: so sorry you are going thru another loss :cry: its just not fair :nope:
> 
> Hope everyone else is ok!! :friends:
> 
> Well we are doing great Hayden is a little dream, i love him so much, i get confused sometimes and think of him as Charlie, but i guess thats only natural... i hug hayden then give him an extra hug for charlie .....
> Its coming up to a year since i lost charlie.... its the 4th september.. i have decided to get all 4 of my children baptised on his aniversary, as a celebration of life and i want god to have all of my children in his family... i know the day will be emotional, i never believed in god till i lost my charlie, but when he was blessed in the hospital i felt his spirit leave and have felt that he really is in the arms of god... hence having them all baptised..... i feel close to charlie when we go to church like when we are there we are all together..:cloud9:

I'm glad everything is going well with little Hayden! I think it's totally natural to think of him as Charlie hun. If i have a girl i'm sure i will wonder if her and Freya would have looked the same, or when i am buying girl's clothes i will imagine what Freya would have looked like in them. But having said that, i really want a girl so that i can experience all the things i have missed out on by not having Freya here with me. 

I wish i had had Freya blessed :cry: That is such a lovely idea to get your children baptised on Charlie's anniversary :flower: xxx


----------



## ms.hope

Hello, they were boys:cry:




ms.hope said:


> Hello,
> Welcome :flower: I am so sorry for your losses...did you know the sex of your little ones? Hope you are coping as well as you can xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

ms.hope said:


> Hello, they were boys:cry:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ms.hope said:
> 
> 
> Hello,
> Welcome :flower: I am so sorry for your losses...did you know the sex of your little ones? Hope you are coping as well as you can xx
> 
> So sorry for the loss of your Twin boys, it must be an absolute horrendous time for you, I cant imagine how you must be feeling and just wanted to send you a big hug xxxxx:hugs::hugs:Click to expand...


----------



## MaevesMummy

jojo23 said:


> awe babesx3 thats such a lovely idea!! it will really be such a gorgeous day for you all to remember charlie and celebrate your family!
> 
> im getting bfn's at the minute but im due AF in 2 days so i might wait until this weekend to re-test but i dont feel very hopeful today lol sooo emotional!!! xxxxx

Keeping everything crossed for you too. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
xxxxxx


----------



## jenny25

thanks for your kind msgs im just still getting my head together now :( i will reply to your pm but had alot going on hun. i have the same breavement midwife coming out tomorrow too see me so it might be good too off load . in the process the fertility clinic didnt discharge us so we start treatment next cycle hopefully xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

jenny25 said:


> thanks for your kind msgs im just still getting my head together now :( i will reply to your pm but had alot going on hun. i have the same breavement midwife coming out tomorrow too see me so it might be good too off load . in the process the fertility clinic didnt discharge us so we start treatment next cycle hopefully xx

No worries Jenny, no pressure for a response or even for you to read it, or anything like that. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just wondering how you are all doing??

im currently in a 3ww lol, AF is a week late but no sign of a bfp for me:(the wait is driving me mad wish i would just get one or the other!!!!!!

how is everyone?????
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## katie21188

Hello I am going to join you guys to. Two weeks ago today I lost my twin baby girls at 22 weeks. I had a ruptured membrane and then went into premature labour :-( my OB recommended we wait until Christmas time to try again. I really wish I could try before that but I'm scared it will happen again if I do. What do you guys think?


----------



## ericacaca

Oh Katie. I'm really sorry, thats really sad. 

Our doctor advised a couple of cycles just to get body back to some kind of normality (from experience though - nowhere near that 4 cycles on!). But there have been ladies who have TTC straight away and have had healthy pregnancies and babies - I've heard ladies are very fertile after delievering. 

To be honest, I really wanted to try again as soon as we could but now in hindsight I really needed time to grieve and take stock of our little girl who didnt survive at 18 weeks.

Don't live afraid whatever you decide to do though - what will be will be. 

Erica x


----------



## jojo23

katie21188 said:


> Hello I am going to join you guys to. Two weeks ago today I lost my twin baby girls at 22 weeks. I had a ruptured membrane and then went into premature labour :-( my OB recommended we wait until Christmas time to try again. I really wish I could try before that but I'm scared it will happen again if I do. What do you guys think?

im so so sorry hun!!!! i lost my little girl at 22 weeks, i havent had any advice on ruptured membranes pet but i know my doctor told me physically i had to wait one proper cycle before ttc again and emotionally it was up to me! your prob better off waiting until your 6 week follow up appointment and then they will give you a proper answer, i think they tell you to wait just for your body to heal etc.... im so sorry again hun and if you need anything feel free to pm me xxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## MaevesMummy

katie21188 said:


> Hello I am going to join you guys to. Two weeks ago today I lost my twin baby girls at 22 weeks. I had a ruptured membrane and then went into premature labour :-( my OB recommended we wait until Christmas time to try again. I really wish I could try before that but I'm scared it will happen again if I do. What do you guys think?

Hi Katie, so sorry for your loss.

I also had pPROM (Preturm prem rupture of membranes) and delivered my baby just before 22 weeks.
I found this site really useful for gathering questions/info about pPROM. I feel really bitter about the experience so I am affraid I can not read the success stories still without getting upset, however the pregnancy after PROM bit is great.
https://www.inkan.se/prom/

There is a Life after pPROM Loss group which is closed and secret on facebook which i have found amazing support, and this board has been 
wonderful too.


:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

I think I will also join in here now too :hugs:

We lost our baby girl 17 days ago and although the pain is still so fresh and raw I really want to try to conceive again as soon as possible. I have just stopped bleeding post delivery and will start to use OPKs in the next few days to check for ovulation. I fell pregnant with Emily the first cycle we tried but who knows what will happen this time :shrug: I am absolutely terrified but if this has taught me anything its how much I want a family and although I will never forget or replace Emily I really hope we can give her a little sister or brother soon!

Heres to chasing our rainbow!


----------



## FunToRun

Sorry girls not been on in AGES. Just thought i would pop on with a quick update.

After going for a scan at 7 weeks to be told that everything was looking grate heartbeat and everything i went for another scan at 11 weeks to find out if i would need a cervical stitch to be told that they couldn't find a heartbeat and that baby only measured 91/2 weeks. :cry:

So that's it for me. Really cant put myself or my family through anymore. Im so blessed with the two children i have. Wish everyone loads of luck and take care.X


----------



## MissMaternal

Collie crazy, welcome hun, I'm so sorry for your loss. At how many weeks did you lose little emily, if you don't mind me asking? I wish you a speedy recovery :hugs: 

Funtorun I'm so sorry hun...we are here though if you do decide to come back after a break xxx


----------



## collie_crazy

Emily was 17 weeks when I lost her :( She had a chromosomal problem called Turner Syndrome :cry:

I got my first negative pregnancy test today :cry: I was really upset by it but I suppose it's a good thing too. Hopefully my body gets back to normal and we can start trying.


----------



## MissMaternal

Oh hun i'm really sorry :hugs: I have heard of Turner Syndrome, although thankfully have not experienced anything like it myself. I can only imagine how hard it has been for you.... :flower:
Yes it is hard getting that first negative...but like you say, it is also a good thing, it means your body is healing. And when the body starts healing, the mind can start to heal too. I wish you all the best for TTC when the time is right :hugs: xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

FunToRun said:


> Sorry girls not been on in AGES. Just thought i would pop on with a quick update.
> 
> After going for a scan at 7 weeks to be told that everything was looking grate heartbeat and everything i went for another scan at 11 weeks to find out if i would need a cervical stitch to be told that they couldn't find a heartbeat and that baby only measured 91/2 weeks. :cry:
> 
> So that's it for me. Really cant put myself or my family through anymore. Im so blessed with the two children i have. Wish everyone loads of luck and take care.X

So sorry:hugs::hugs::hugs:
There really is nothing that can be said. so very sorry xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Its very sad to see new people joining the thread. Sorry for your losses. I would advise following consultant advice. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Sending you all hugs. xxxxx


----------



## collie_crazy

I've started bleeding again today 22 days after delivery... I bled for about 14 days then had brown discharge (sorry TMI) for a further 5... I've been fine the last 3 days but this morning its back to red blood - not loads but enough to soak through onto the bed. So more after delivery bleeding or AF or just my crazy body!? Who knows! I wish we could press a little button and our body would tell us whats happening - like 'Today you will be ovulating' /'Today is the first day of your period' / 'Today you are pregnant!' :haha:


----------



## MaevesMummy

Our Rainbow baby Joseph arrived Monday 8th August 5lb 11 at 36 weeks 4 days. after a scheduled induction due to IUGR and decelerations on ctg's. The induction went quickly as things had already progressed naturally. My waters were blood tinged, he went into distress but still lucky enough to avoid C - Section (although I asked them to just cut him out, absolutly convinced he was going to die the second time they took blood from his head.) It turned out, as he was small he had the cord arround his neck loosley and this was prob the cause of decelerations although I blew it up in my mind to something awful at the time.
We just got out of hospital sunday after a spell in for Jaundice & infection. 


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:
 



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## collie_crazy

Oh he is BEAUTIFUL!! And blonde hair... *swoon*


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## Suze

Congratulations MaevesMummy :happydance:

What a beautiful rainbow baby you have there, he looks all warm and cuddly just like a newborn should be. Sorry you had a bit of a fright with an early delivery but great that you are home now - welcome to the world Joseph :cloud9:


----------



## MissMaternal

Oh my god hun he is an absolute stunner! Massive congrats...he's gonna break some hearts when he's older :haha: that's a good weight, my best friend had her little boy at 36+4 on 7th August and he was 4lb 13! how are you feeling? Xxx


----------



## Imalia

Congrats Meave's Mummy. Such a cute and wonderful little boy.


----------



## iloveblue

Amazing news! He's so gorgeous.
I'm so pleased he is finally here after all you've been through.
And he has the same birthday as my youngest son!
How are you doing? xx


----------



## annmc30

hi ladies i lost my little girl 29th july 2010 at 16weeks she was my ivf baby she died due to turners syndrome r.i.p natalie anne, 

congrats on the birth of your baby boy maevesmammy hes beautiful


----------



## babesx3

annmc30 said:


> hi ladies i lost my little girl 29th july 2010 at 16weeks she was my ivf baby she died due to turners syndrome r.i.p natalie anne,
> 
> congrats on the birth of your baby boy maevesmammy hes beautiful

:hugs:





So pleased for you Maeves mummy!!!:cloud9: hes just gorgeous!!!


been struggling a bit lately with Charlies aniversary coming up, mixed feeling of loss and guilt...


----------



## tootsiegb

Congrats maeves mummy he is absolutely gorgeous.

annmc30 i am sorry to hear of your loss. xx

Babesx3 i know how you feel it was a year to the day yesterday that we lost our little one. I just feel so crap that 12 months on my life is no further on, I have no baby & i am not pregnant. Sending you hugs xxxxx


----------



## Imalia

I know how you feel Tootsie. We're now 13 months from losing our son, and don't have a baby, nor am I pregnant. It's so heartbreaking and frustrating.


----------



## tootsiegb

Imalia,
Maybe we should go through this together & hopefully get our BFP's & be bump buddies?
Where are you in your cycle?
Sending you :dust:
Tootsie xx


----------



## MaevesMummy

Sending you lots of love and strength Imalia and tootsie. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

good luck girls xxxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Sending you hugs imalia and tootsie xx


----------



## Imalia

Tootsie, Currently Day 9, of a managed cycle, we don't qualify for fertility treatment within our NHS PCT, because DH has a child from another relationship, but our doctor did get us into a clinical trial, so we're just heading into that right now.

(Btw, where in West Mids are you? I lived in and around Birmingham for four years)

Also, completely off topic, but we're also currently dealing with 8 neonatal puppies, who are keeping us pretty busy. They'll be two weeks old on Monday and are just starting to open their eyes. The cute is off the charts, but gosh, it's as tiring and time consuming as having a newborn.


----------



## MissMaternal

Imalia, we NEED to see pictures of these puppies, NOW!! :haha: i love little baby animals :cloud9:

Just to update you all, i had my private gender scan today.......we are on team :pink: :cloud9:

Hope everyone is well xxx


----------



## Imalia

Congrats on the little girl :) And who am I to deny anyone the cuteness.

Here's a link to a photobucket album with all the cute puppy pictures, most recent first.

https://s204.photobucket.com/albums/bb277/newmayfair/Puppies/

BTW, we're still looking for homes for two, if anyone wants a puppy....


----------



## MissMaternal

Thanks Imalia hun :flower:

Oh my god, they are soooo adorable!! And such gorgeous colours!! I wish i could take one off your hands, but we're not allowed pets as our house is rented :( But if i could, i so would! Awww!! xx


----------



## tootsiegb

Imalia, 
sorry to hear that you dont qualify for ivf. Those puppies are so adorable. 
I live in stourbridge about ten miles away from birmingham.

Miss maternal congrats on the little girl.

I am currently on cd 20 waiting for OV. I am due to get it any day now. I am a bit worried though as i have read that late ovulation can cause you to miscarry as the lining is quite old & so not as good. I dont know the odds seemed so stacked against me with an 11 day LP too!!

Hope all you other girls are ok xxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

tootsiegb said:


> Imalia,
> sorry to hear that you dont qualify for ivf. Those puppies are so adorable.
> I live in stourbridge about ten miles away from birmingham.
> 
> Miss maternal congrats on the little girl.
> 
> I am currently on cd 20 waiting for OV. I am due to get it any day now. I am a bit worried though as i have read that late ovulation can cause you to miscarry as the lining is quite old & so not as good. I dont know the odds seemed so stacked against me with an 11 day LP too!!
> 
> Hope all you other girls are ok xxxx

Tootsie Snap I( live in Lye....
how strange! xxxx


----------



## tootsiegb

How very weird. I am just up the road by the foley arms, my favourite haunt. How strange, you chat to people on here & you could have actually passed them by in the street xxx Congrats on your rainbow baby xx


----------



## jenny25

hey girls still hanging around :) congrats missmaternal on team pink and congrats on your boy meavesmum xxxx


----------



## tootsiegb

OMG Maeves mummy, we are both accountants too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## MaevesMummy

Imalia said:


> Congrats on the little girl :) And who am I to deny anyone the cuteness.
> 
> Here's a link to a photobucket album with all the cute puppy pictures, most recent first.
> 
> https://s204.photobucket.com/albums/bb277/newmayfair/Puppies/
> 
> BTW, we're still looking for homes for two, if anyone wants a puppy....

These puppies are beautiful! xxxxxx


----------



## MaevesMummy

tootsiegb said:


> How very weird. I am just up the road by the foley arms, my favourite haunt. How strange, you chat to people on here & you could have actually passed them by in the street xxx Congrats on your rainbow baby xx

/my husband is from the area and used to go to the grange x


----------



## MaevesMummy

MissMaternal said:


> Imalia, we NEED to see pictures of these puppies, NOW!! :haha: i love little baby animals :cloud9:
> 
> Just to update you all, i had my private gender scan today.......we are on team :pink: :cloud9:
> 
> Hope everyone is well xxx

Congrats Miss Maternal! :pink:


----------



## babesx3

:hi:
Just popping in to see how everyone is getting on?
Hope u are all well :friends:

Please update :flower: would love to hear how u all are xxx


----------



## glbell920

Although I'm no where near ready now...I do know that I want to 
TTC at some point in the future. My husband doesn't really want anymore children and wants to get fixed. He wanted to do it before I even got pregnant with Gavin but I wouldn't agree. Now sex is going to be all wierd. I don't even know when/how to begin having the conversation about TTC again with him. This whole situation is stressful.

God bless you ladies that are able to try again. I hope to TTC again someday also.


----------



## iloveblue

Hi Nats - and everyone else 

I'm okay thanks.
Update on us: Had appointment at recurrent mc clinic on 1st Sept - which was pretty rubbish. All tests came back normal - and have been advised to take aspirin when we start TTC again.
I wasn't happy with that, felt a bit fobbed off so I saw my GP a few weeks ago who agreed to refer me to a specialist in Coventry - she is running a Progesterone trial at the moment which may be a possibility for me.
We're not TTC at the moment and probably won't now till next year.
I'm quite enjoying giving my body (and mind) a break. Its nice not having to obsess about ovulation/getting pregnant etc.

How is lovely little Hayden and the rest of the family? xx

How is everyone else - Imalia, Tootsie, MissM. xxx

MaevesMummy - how are you and your gorgeous little boy? xx


----------



## ms.hope

katie21188 said:


> Hello I am going to join you guys to. Two weeks ago today I lost my twin baby girls at 22 weeks. I had a ruptured membrane and then went into premature labour :-( my OB recommended we wait until Christmas time to try again. I really wish I could try before that but I'm scared it will happen again if I do. What do you guys think?

I also lost twins at 22 weeks and one Dr. said not to compare a twin pregnancy with a singleton pregnancy because one is more risky than the other. Also do you have twins in your fmaily? that way you will have an idea of the chance of another twin pregnancy.


----------



## Imalia

I'm still here, still ttc, still fighting with the drs/hospital. Have been really busy with the puppies, but they're all starting to go to their new homes now, so life is slowly returning to normal. Trying to prepare myself for, and dreading facing yet another damn Christmas.

How is everyone else doing?


----------



## MissMaternal

Aww its lovely to hear from everyone again! I had a growth scan today at 24+2, everything looks great and they said we won't need anymore extra scans now as they're happy with her growth. We have picked the name Charlotte Amelia :cloud9:

Xxx


----------



## Imalia

I'm so glad everything is going well for you MissM.


----------



## babesx3

glbell920 said:


> Although I'm no where near ready now...I do know that I want to
> TTC at some point in the future. My husband doesn't really want anymore children and wants to get fixed. He wanted to do it before I even got pregnant with Gavin but I wouldn't agree. Now sex is going to be all wierd. I don't even know when/how to begin having the conversation about TTC again with him. This whole situation is stressful.
> 
> God bless you ladies that are able to try again. I hope to TTC again someday also.

:hugs:... fx he will change his mind.. my dh wasn't keen in the early days after loss, thankfully he was persauded to go for it..good luckxxxx


----------



## babesx3

iloveblue said:


> Hi Nats - and everyone else
> 
> I'm okay thanks.
> Update on us: Had appointment at recurrent mc clinic on 1st Sept - which was pretty rubbish. All tests came back normal - and have been advised to take aspirin when we start TTC again.
> I wasn't happy with that, felt a bit fobbed off so I saw my GP a few weeks ago who agreed to refer me to a specialist in Coventry - she is running a Progesterone trial at the moment which may be a possibility for me.
> We're not TTC at the moment and probably won't now till next year.
> I'm quite enjoying giving my body (and mind) a break. Its nice not having to obsess about ovulation/getting pregnant etc.
> 
> How is lovely little Hayden and the rest of the family? xx
> 
> How is everyone else - Imalia, Tootsie, MissM. xxx
> 
> MaevesMummy - how are you and your gorgeous little boy? xx

:hugs: its prob a good idea to enjoy some me time for a bit!! lovely to hear from u... hopefully the progesterone trial will help along with asprin xxx

hayden is doing great thanks!! hes a whopping 17lbs already..big lad likes his milk!! hes lovely though ..sleeps thru the night .. a little poppet:cloud9:


----------



## babesx3

Imalia said:


> I'm still here, still ttc, still fighting with the drs/hospital. Have been really busy with the puppies, but they're all starting to go to their new homes now, so life is slowly returning to normal. Trying to prepare myself for, and dreading facing yet another damn Christmas.
> 
> How is everyone else doing?

hugs xxxxx have everything crossed for you to be pregnant by xmas :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

MissMaternal said:


> Aww its lovely to hear from everyone again! I had a growth scan today at 24+2, everything looks great and they said we won't need anymore extra scans now as they're happy with her growth. We have picked the name Charlotte Amelia :cloud9:
> 
> Xxx

Thats great news!!! congrats on a little girl:hugs: i love the name Charlotte Amelia:kiss: 
How are you feeling? are you managing to stay sane?


----------



## MissMaternal

babesx3 said:


> MissMaternal said:
> 
> 
> Aww its lovely to hear from everyone again! I had a growth scan today at 24+2, everything looks great and they said we won't need anymore extra scans now as they're happy with her growth. We have picked the name Charlotte Amelia :cloud9:
> 
> Xxx
> 
> Thats great news!!! congrats on a little girl:hugs: i love the name Charlotte Amelia:kiss:
> How are you feeling? are you managing to stay sane?Click to expand...

Just about managing to stay sane, i think! Although the latest thing bothering me is her measurements.... her head is slightly above average, and her femur length is slightly below average. I googled....stupid of me, i know, because now i am convinced she has dwarfism or something. I have midwife appt on Thursday though, so i'm sure she will talk some sense into me! Thanks, i love the name too :cloud9: xx


----------



## jenny25

still kicking about its jamie's one year anniversary in 12 days just had my first cycle of clomid with trigger and it failed so having a month off since we just got married 16 days ago :d x


----------



## MissMaternal

jenny25 said:


> still kicking about its jamie's one year anniversary in 12 days just had my first cycle of clomid with trigger and it failed so having a month off since we just got married 16 days ago :d x

Hi hun!! How are you?? I cannot believe it is nearly a year since you lost your little Jamie....also cannot believe it's a year since i lost my second angel, that was on 6th November. Scary how time flies...Are you doing anything to remember him on that day? Massive congratulations on getting married!!! You look gorgeous in your profile picture! Hope the day went to plan! xxx


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just wanted to pop in and let you all know i FINALLY got my BFP today, i had such a mad 2 months, AF disappeared and i was getting bfns and my doc kept telling me to wait and today i took 2 tests and both came positive...im excited/scared/terrified!!/happy awe i just dont know girls, i really hope everything goes well this time for me, i want this so so so much and i know ill make a brill mum! keep everything crossed and hope ye are all well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Hellylou

That's wonderful news Jojo! I am keeping everything crossed for you hun :hugs::hugs:


----------



## babesx3

MissMaternal said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MissMaternal said:
> 
> 
> Aww its lovely to hear from everyone again! I had a growth scan today at 24+2, everything looks great and they said we won't need anymore extra scans now as they're happy with her growth. We have picked the name Charlotte Amelia :cloud9:
> 
> Xxx
> 
> Thats great news!!! congrats on a little girl:hugs: i love the name Charlotte Amelia:kiss:
> How are you feeling? are you managing to stay sane?Click to expand...
> 
> Just about managing to stay sane, i think! Although the latest thing bothering me is her measurements.... her head is slightly above average, and her femur length is slightly below average. I googled....stupid of me, i know, because now i am convinced she has dwarfism or something. I have midwife appt on Thursday though, so i'm sure she will talk some sense into me! Thanks, i love the name too :cloud9: xxClick to expand...

:hugs: i'm suyre your lo is perfect, if the measurements were worrying i'm sure the sonographer would of flagged it up...:hugs:


----------



## babesx3

jenny25 said:


> still kicking about its jamie's one year anniversary in 12 days just had my first cycle of clomid with trigger and it failed so having a month off since we just got married 16 days ago :d x

:hugs: for your anniversary!!!:hugs:

and big congratultions on getting married:flower:


----------



## babesx3

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just wanted to pop in and let you all know i FINALLY got my BFP today, i had such a mad 2 months, AF disappeared and i was getting bfns and my doc kept telling me to wait and today i took 2 tests and both came positive...im excited/scared/terrified!!/happy awe i just dont know girls, i really hope everything goes well this time for me, i want this so so so much and i know ill make a brill mum! keep everything crossed and hope ye are all well xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:happydance: congratulations!!!:happydance: fantastic news!!! now grow little baba!!!:kiss:
:hugs: it'll be emotion but soooooo worth it!!:hugs:


----------



## MissMaternal

Congrats jojo! Hope everything goes well for you this time hun. 

Babesx3 I saw my midwife today and she basically said the same thing,that if there was something to be concerned about then I would have been spoken to, and she told me not to worry as the measurements are nowhere near off the scale, so I guess my little princess will just be a bit short with a big head :haha: my uterus is measuring 26 weeks and we got to hear her heartbeat again :cloud9: midwife wants to see me again in 3 weeks at 28 weeks which I don't think is normal here in the uk but I guess its cos of my history. Xx

Edit- I just googled and apparently it is normal to have a 28 week appt, I didn't know that lol! X


----------



## jaykay

Hi,

I've just found this thread, and hope it can give me some support. I'm TTC again after losing a baby boy at 22 weeks + 2 days on the 1st September. We haven't had any test results yet, and have been told that it can take up to 16 weeks for the PM results to come through. We want a baby so much that we have decided to try anyway, however I am VERY scared of losing another baby and going through this pain again. I really don't want this fear to stand in the way of me realising my dream and having someone who will call me mummy, does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this??


Thank you, :hugs::hugs::hugs: xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

jaykay said:


> Hi,
> 
> I've just found this thread, and hope it can give me some support. I'm TTC again after losing a baby boy at 22 weeks + 2 days on the 1st September. We haven't had any test results yet, and have been told that it can take up to 16 weeks for the PM results to come through. We want a baby so much that we have decided to try anyway, however I am VERY scared of losing another baby and going through this pain again. I really don't want this fear to stand in the way of me realising my dream and having someone who will call me mummy, does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this??
> 
> 
> Thank you, :hugs::hugs::hugs: xxx

I am so so sorry for your loss. I lost my Ava at 18 and half weeks and as soon as I lost her the doctors were telling me to try again :cry::cry: like she wasn't even a person.. It took 6 weeks to come back with no answer why she died, they took tissue but it didn't grow, so i will never know. I lost her 7 months ago and only now am I trying again. I was so afraid but the regret was worst than the fear for me, so I have decided to give it one more try. Only you know when you are really ready, don't rush into anything make sure you are ready and if it turns out tomorrow you are ready then go for it.
I wish you much love and luck xoxoxox :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Holy Crap JoJo!!!:flower:

Congrats!! I am super duper excited for you!!! :happydance:

Please, pop in from time to time and keep us updated!!! :hugs::hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

Hello there again ladies. Not sure if any of you remember me? I've been on and off the site over the past few months so really sorry if I haven't messaged as much as I should have done to see how you all are. 

We lost a little girl back in March at 18 weeks. So on her due date my lovely husband got some helium balloons, one saying baby girl on it and we let them go from the top of a castle turret in Wales. It was just such a beautiful way to say goodbye - there were two normal balloons as well and it looked as if they were two angels carrying her up to the heavens. 

We found out last week that I'm pregnant again. We tried a test in the morning that my friend, who is a nurse, gave to us... there was a really faint line on it and I was trying not to convince myself that it was a line.... I left to go to work and husband texted me 10 minutes later to say that there was a clear line on there. I got back from work and saw the line there.... but I still doubted it thinking it was just an evapouration line.... so we took a Clear Blue digital... and it was a clear BFP! I'm due in June! 

Really mixed emotions right now. We've decided not to tell people until the 12 week scan and parents maybe the week before the scan. A couple of friends know the "secret" but thats about it. I'm forcing myself not to get too excited until after the 20 week scan at least. And in all honesty I won't be really at ease until baby is in my arms healthy and breathing and just being beautiful. 

I'm still a bit big from last time -the bump hasnt seemed to shift and the breast milk had caused even more weight gain so I'm dreading the weigh in as well as the last sonographer was really off with me for being over-weight and even mentioned it in my notes in a really cold way which compared to my other friends (who are also a bit overweight) never got that kind of wording. As well as that I'm not too sure how long I'll be able to keep it quiet at school as I reckon I'm going to show quite soon.... eek! 

Hope you are all well and preparing to keep nice and warm for the next few weeks. 

Erica xxx


----------



## jaykay

ericacaca said:


> Hello there again ladies. Not sure if any of you remember me? I've been on and off the site over the past few months so really sorry if I haven't messaged as much as I should have done to see how you all are.
> 
> We lost a little girl back in March at 18 weeks. So on her due date my lovely husband got some helium balloons, one saying baby girl on it and we let them go from the top of a castle turret in Wales. It was just such a beautiful way to say goodbye - there were two normal balloons as well and it looked as if they were two angels carrying her up to the heavens.
> 
> We found out last week that I'm pregnant again. We tried a test in the morning that my friend, who is a nurse, gave to us... there was a really faint line on it and I was trying not to convince myself that it was a line.... I left to go to work and husband texted me 10 minutes later to say that there was a clear line on there. I got back from work and saw the line there.... but I still doubted it thinking it was just an evapouration line.... so we took a Clear Blue digital... and it was a clear BFP! I'm due in June!
> 
> Really mixed emotions right now. We've decided not to tell people until the 12 week scan and parents maybe the week before the scan. A couple of friends know the "secret" but thats about it. I'm forcing myself not to get too excited until after the 20 week scan at least. And in all honesty I won't be really at ease until baby is in my arms healthy and breathing and just being beautiful.
> 
> I'm still a bit big from last time -the bump hasnt seemed to shift and the breast milk had caused even more weight gain so I'm dreading the weigh in as well as the last sonographer was really off with me for being over-weight and even mentioned it in my notes in a really cold way which compared to my other friends (who are also a bit overweight) never got that kind of wording. As well as that I'm not too sure how long I'll be able to keep it quiet at school as I reckon I'm going to show quite soon.... eek!
> 
> Hope you are all well and preparing to keep nice and warm for the next few weeks.
> 
> Erica xxx

Ahhh, congratulations, your story has given me some hope, and I hope that you are able to relax and enjoy this preganancy as much as possible. Very difficult I know. Also, I think it was a lovely idea to release helium balloons on your little one's due date, I think I'll do the same for Alex when his due date comes around in January.

Take care xx


----------



## jojo23

congrats Ericaca..i just found out last week im pregnant....as u said in your post im terrified and definitely wont be telling people until after my scan..maybe as long as i can hide it even! every little niggle or twitch im worrying about so im hoping to get an early scan soon to put my mind at ease!!! im so happy for you and wish u a h&h 9 months xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## vesper21

Hi ladies,

I hope you don't mind me jumping in here... I lost my little girl on July 4 at 23wks due to IC. She was conceived through IVF.

I had a TAC placed a couple of weeks ago, and am about to embark on IVF #3.

The last couple of days have been so hard because my little girl's due date is coming up (1st Nov) and my little brother told me this morning that his wife is expecting. I'm absolutely thrilled for them, but I'm so sad for myself. 

Anyway, I'm trying to look forward. 

I have an US tomorrow to check on a follicle that was spotted last week, which looked big and promising (I have lots of follicles due to PCOS). I'm praying there's a little eggie in there and I'll ov naturally for the first time in years. 

If not, I'll be taking provera this week to bring on AF and start stimming in the next few weeks.


----------



## babesx3

ericacaca said:


> Hello there again ladies. Not sure if any of you remember me? I've been on and off the site over the past few months so really sorry if I haven't messaged as much as I should have done to see how you all are.
> 
> We lost a little girl back in March at 18 weeks. So on her due date my lovely husband got some helium balloons, one saying baby girl on it and we let them go from the top of a castle turret in Wales. It was just such a beautiful way to say goodbye - there were two normal balloons as well and it looked as if they were two angels carrying her up to the heavens.
> 
> We found out last week that I'm pregnant again. We tried a test in the morning that my friend, who is a nurse, gave to us... there was a really faint line on it and I was trying not to convince myself that it was a line.... I left to go to work and husband texted me 10 minutes later to say that there was a clear line on there. I got back from work and saw the line there.... but I still doubted it thinking it was just an evapouration line.... so we took a Clear Blue digital... and it was a clear BFP! I'm due in June!
> 
> Really mixed emotions right now. We've decided not to tell people until the 12 week scan and parents maybe the week before the scan. A couple of friends know the "secret" but thats about it. I'm forcing myself not to get too excited until after the 20 week scan at least. And in all honesty I won't be really at ease until baby is in my arms healthy and breathing and just being beautiful.
> 
> I'm still a bit big from last time -the bump hasnt seemed to shift and the breast milk had caused even more weight gain so I'm dreading the weigh in as well as the last sonographer was really off with me for being over-weight and even mentioned it in my notes in a really cold way which compared to my other friends (who are also a bit overweight) never got that kind of wording. As well as that I'm not too sure how long I'll be able to keep it quiet at school as I reckon I'm going to show quite soon.... eek!
> 
> Hope you are all well and preparing to keep nice and warm for the next few weeks.
> 
> Erica xxx

:happydance: congratulations erica!!!!!:flower:

i'm overweight tooo had different responses from different mw's....:blush:


----------



## babesx3

vesper21 said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I hope you don't mind me jumping in here... I lost my little girl on July 4 at 23wks due to IC. She was conceived through IVF.
> 
> I had a TAC placed a couple of weeks ago, and am about to embark on IVF #3.
> 
> The last couple of days have been so hard because my little girl's due date is coming up (1st Nov) and my little brother told me this morning that his wife is expecting. I'm absolutely thrilled for them, but I'm so sad for myself.
> 
> Anyway, I'm trying to look forward.
> 
> I have an US tomorrow to check on a follicle that was spotted last week, which looked big and promising (I have lots of follicles due to PCOS). I'm praying there's a little eggie in there and I'll ov naturally for the first time in years.
> 
> If not, I'll be taking provera this week to bring on AF and start stimming in the next few weeks.

:hugs: sorry to hear of your loss, hopw your dd isn't too painful, i cried buckets on the run up to charlies, then on the day was calm...

fx u have a quick succeesss with ivf and a beauyiful rainbow baby..:hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

ericacaca said:


> Hello there again ladies. Not sure if any of you remember me? I've been on and off the site over the past few months so really sorry if I haven't messaged as much as I should have done to see how you all are.
> 
> We lost a little girl back in March at 18 weeks. So on her due date my lovely husband got some helium balloons, one saying baby girl on it and we let them go from the top of a castle turret in Wales. It was just such a beautiful way to say goodbye - there were two normal balloons as well and it looked as if they were two angels carrying her up to the heavens.
> 
> We found out last week that I'm pregnant again. We tried a test in the morning that my friend, who is a nurse, gave to us... there was a really faint line on it and I was trying not to convince myself that it was a line.... I left to go to work and husband texted me 10 minutes later to say that there was a clear line on there. I got back from work and saw the line there.... but I still doubted it thinking it was just an evapouration line.... so we took a Clear Blue digital... and it was a clear BFP! I'm due in June!
> 
> Really mixed emotions right now. We've decided not to tell people until the 12 week scan and parents maybe the week before the scan. A couple of friends know the "secret" but thats about it. I'm forcing myself not to get too excited until after the 20 week scan at least. And in all honesty I won't be really at ease until baby is in my arms healthy and breathing and just being beautiful.
> 
> I'm still a bit big from last time -the bump hasnt seemed to shift and the breast milk had caused even more weight gain so I'm dreading the weigh in as well as the last sonographer was really off with me for being over-weight and even mentioned it in my notes in a really cold way which compared to my other friends (who are also a bit overweight) never got that kind of wording. As well as that I'm not too sure how long I'll be able to keep it quiet at school as I reckon I'm going to show quite soon.... eek!
> 
> Hope you are all well and preparing to keep nice and warm for the next few weeks.
> 
> Erica xxx

 I am sooooooooooo happy for you, Erica..XOOXO Congrats and I wish you all the best and don't listen to that stupid lady.. XOOX:happydance::hugs::hugs:


vesper21 said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I hope you don't mind me jumping in here... I lost my little girl on July 4 at 23wks due to IC. She was conceived through IVF.
> 
> I had a TAC placed a couple of weeks ago, and am about to embark on IVF #3.
> 
> The last couple of days have been so hard because my little girl's due date is coming up (1st Nov) and my little brother told me this morning that his wife is expecting. I'm absolutely thrilled for them, but I'm so sad for myself.
> 
> Anyway, I'm trying to look forward.
> 
> I have an US tomorrow to check on a follicle that was spotted last week, which looked big and promising (I have lots of follicles due to PCOS). I'm praying there's a little eggie in there and I'll ov naturally for the first time in years.
> 
> If not, I'll be taking provera this week to bring on AF and start stimming in the next few weeks.

I am so deeply sorry for your loss:cry::cry: I wish you all the best for the future ..XOOXOX :hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

hi ladies, I just realised that I have never posted on this thread before. Do you mind if I join you? I am ttc after the loss of our little boy 9 weeks ago.


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hi Ladies, 

Do you mind if I join too? I lost my twin boys, Ethan and Hayden 11 weeks ago at 20wks.

We have finally stopped being indecisive and started TTC. It's a mixed bag of emotions and with them being identicals its more than likely the Ob's would have wanted to take them out next week at 32weeks so it's an emotional time anyway. I'm not sure I ov'd this month so don't hold out much hope really, we'll see. It probably wouldn't be good if I did get my BFP this month anyway, as then I'd be due around the time I gave birth to the boys but I can't bring myself to wait now I've finally let myself go for it. What will be, will be I suppose. Anyway, I'm rambling.

It's good to read of those of you who are pregnant again, it gives me some hope. I've not been able to read all the thread, sorry but congrats to you all who have got your BFP's.

I'm sorry for everyone's losses too. I wish none of us had to start TTC again.


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Ladies...

I just kind of' skimmed through this post... sorry, couldn't read all 89 pgs of post :winkwink: but wanted to comment....

I am sending prayers and loves to all ....to all that have lost lil ones... to all that are currently TTC.... :hugs:

I hope to be in the TTC club shortly..... Well, I would jump right in feet or head first....BUT i'm completely terrified.... So, well see...... :winkwink:


----------



## jojo23

Hey girls just wondering how you all are???????xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## collie_crazy

I'm well thanks :) 2dpo and feeling quite positive this cycle... hoping we done enough. Guess we shall see soon enough. Its 3 months today since we lost Emily so I'm feeling a bit 'uff' today :cry: Just praying for our rainbow to lighten up my sky a little... 

How are you jojo?


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hi Ladies, I'm alright, too. I'm about 7DPO today, not even sure I ov'd this month, have only been checking signs, not doing oPKs or anything. I've been getting a lot of cramping, I'm bloated, gassy, hungry, tired and bad-tempered but that's all normal, haha. Not much CM and I got loads the last time I was preg. I'm hanging onto the cramps and strange twinges I'm getting but I'm really not getting my hopes up. 

Hope you are well, anyone got anything to add?

xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Well as you all know I am out this month. I was sad, but I am getting right back up there and I will keep trying. It was only my first month. I don't know what it is to try, like Kelly said it just happened when we had our kids we didn't have to try. I am just so nervous cause of my age (41).. 
I wish you all the best..Love to read BFP's :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## babesx3

yazoo said:


> hi ladies, I just realised that I have never posted on this thread before. Do you mind if I join you? I am ttc after the loss of our little boy 9 weeks ago.

:hugs: so sorry for your loss..:hugs:
everyone is welcome!!!:flower:

hope u manage a bfp really soon, i was very 'lucky' and concieved after my first af after loss xxxx


----------



## babesx3

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi Ladies,
> 
> Do you mind if I join too? I lost my twin boys, Ethan and Hayden 11 weeks ago at 20wks.
> 
> We have finally stopped being indecisive and started TTC. It's a mixed bag of emotions and with them being identicals its more than likely the Ob's would have wanted to take them out next week at 32weeks so it's an emotional time anyway. I'm not sure I ov'd this month so don't hold out much hope really, we'll see. It probably wouldn't be good if I did get my BFP this month anyway, as then I'd be due around the time I gave birth to the boys but I can't bring myself to wait now I've finally let myself go for it. What will be, will be I suppose. Anyway, I'm rambling.
> 
> It's good to read of those of you who are pregnant again, it gives me some hope. I've not been able to read all the thread, sorry but congrats to you all who have got your BFP's.
> 
> I'm sorry for everyone's losses too. I wish none of us had to start TTC again.

:hugs: i agree such a mixed bag of emotions.....
fx you will concieve quickly....:hugs:


----------



## babesx3

KamIAm said:


> Hi Ladies...
> 
> I just kind of' skimmed through this post... sorry, couldn't read all 89 pgs of post :winkwink: but wanted to comment....
> 
> I am sending prayers and loves to all ....to all that have lost lil ones... to all that are currently TTC.... :hugs:
> 
> I hope to be in the TTC club shortly..... Well, I would jump right in feet or head first....BUT i'm completely terrified.... So, well see...... :winkwink:

:hugs: you are bound to be terrified i know i was and then for the following 9 months.... :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

jojo23 said:


> Hey girls just wondering how you all are???????xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

good thanks:flower:
how are u getting on///


----------



## babesx3

collie_crazy said:


> I'm well thanks :) 2dpo and feeling quite positive this cycle... hoping we done enough. Guess we shall see soon enough. Its 3 months today since we lost Emily so I'm feeling a bit 'uff' today :cry: Just praying for our rainbow to lighten up my sky a little...
> 
> How are you jojo?

:hugs: hope u are ok xxxx
have everything crossed for u!!!:flower:
when do u think you'll test/


----------



## babesx3

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi Ladies, I'm alright, too. I'm about 7DPO today, not even sure I ov'd this month, have only been checking signs, not doing oPKs or anything. I've been getting a lot of cramping, I'm bloated, gassy, hungry, tired and bad-tempered but that's all normal, haha. Not much CM and I got loads the last time I was preg. I'm hanging onto the cramps and strange twinges I'm getting but I'm really not getting my hopes up.
> 
> Hope you are well, anyone got anything to add?
> 
> xx

oooo fx!!! when will u test/


----------



## babesx3

Andypanda6570 said:


> Well as you all know I am out this month. I was sad, but I am getting right back up there and I will keep trying. It was only my first month. I don't know what it is to try, like Kelly said it just happened when we had our kids we didn't have to try. I am just so nervous cause of my age (41)..
> I wish you all the best..Love to read BFP's :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
fx u get a bfp really soon.. are u charting or using opt's/

i'm 38.. :blush: so no spring chicken eitherxxx


----------



## Imalia

I think this is what worries me. I'm only 32, but I still feel like my time is running out, and I haven't even managed one successful pregnancy yet. I think I'm just about on the verge of giving up. I keep saying it, I keep swearing I can't take anymore. But I wouldn't know what to do with the rest of my life without having at least one baby for keepsies.


----------



## ericacaca

Imalia said:


> I think this is what worries me. I'm only 32, but I still feel like my time is running out, and I haven't even managed one successful pregnancy yet. I think I'm just about on the verge of giving up. I keep saying it, I keep swearing I can't take anymore. But I wouldn't know what to do with the rest of my life without having at least one baby for keepsies.

Don't give up hope ladies. A friend of mine who is 34 had FIVE mc's and is now 30 weeks into a healthy pregnancy. Another friend had a baby at 40... she started IVF but gave up on it and now has a healthy bouncing baby boy completely naturally. It is doable, there are so many ladies out there that have done it - you can be one of them in the future too xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

babesx3 said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> Well as you all know I am out this month. I was sad, but I am getting right back up there and I will keep trying. It was only my first month. I don't know what it is to try, like Kelly said it just happened when we had our kids we didn't have to try. I am just so nervous cause of my age (41)..
> I wish you all the best..Love to read BFP's :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> fx u get a bfp really soon.. are u charting or using opt's/
> 
> i'm 38.. :blush: so no spring chicken eitherxxxClick to expand...

I am using OPK..I would give anything to be 38 rather than 41. it just scares me.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## babesx3

Imalia said:


> I think this is what worries me. I'm only 32, but I still feel like my time is running out, and I haven't even managed one successful pregnancy yet. I think I'm just about on the verge of giving up. I keep saying it, I keep swearing I can't take anymore. But I wouldn't know what to do with the rest of my life without having at least one baby for keepsies.

:hugs: don't give up..:hugs: i was 32 when i had my first baby xxxx


----------



## babesx3

hugs andypanda.. i'm sure its not too late xxxxx

ericacaca.. loving the 3 tickers!!!! xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

babesx3 said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> Hi Ladies, I'm alright, too. I'm about 7DPO today, not even sure I ov'd this month, have only been checking signs, not doing oPKs or anything. I've been getting a lot of cramping, I'm bloated, gassy, hungry, tired and bad-tempered but that's all normal, haha. Not much CM and I got loads the last time I was preg. I'm hanging onto the cramps and strange twinges I'm getting but I'm really not getting my hopes up.
> 
> Hope you are well, anyone got anything to add?
> 
> xx
> 
> oooo fx!!! when will u test/Click to expand...

I doubt it's anything much. Tests are damned expensive here in NZ, so I'll probably wait till AF due, which is mon 31st otherwise I'll waste them all for nothing - can't have them in the house, I don't have the strength of willpower to leave them alone! I've not been charting my cycles exactly since the boys were born, though they came back to regular immediately I could be a day or so out from that.


----------



## MissMaternal

Sending hugs to all that need them.....:hugs: xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Ok... I am loosing my ever loving mind.... I didn't remember seeing this thread here and I just knew I never noticed or been in here before then as I read a few pages back , I posted in here about TTC soon... Hahahaha :dohh: Yep, that's right, I'm smooth like that LOL!!! :haha:

Ok gang.... I have found a home for all my posting !!! :happydance:

It is sooo welcoming, warming to see some many familiar names in here!! That is super exciting!!!!

Now I can stalk you all in one place!! :winkwink: 

Well as for me in this journey .... I am 3 dpo and having FOREVER to wait til I can test next week... LONGGGGG wait :wacko:

Yes, my mind is already playing tricks on me, thinking I am having symptoms but I know I have to be too early for this stuff LOL!!!

My method for the next few months will be.... Land and see where we end up... LOL!! I've never used opk's, or temp taking, tracking... anything... I'm clueless... So, I just kind of figure when I "O" from my AF ... :shrug: That's all ...

Guess we'll see...

I hope and pray we get lots of rainbows here soon!!!!

Keep us all posted!!! 

:dust::dust:


----------



## Nikki_d72

:hi: Kam! good the see you in here too!


----------



## KamIAm

Home Sweet Home ... :flower:

Thanks Nikki!! How are ya babe?? Where ya at on your cycle??? :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

Nikki_d72 said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> Hi Ladies, I'm alright, too. I'm about 7DPO today, not even sure I ov'd this month, have only been checking signs, not doing oPKs or anything. I've been getting a lot of cramping, I'm bloated, gassy, hungry, tired and bad-tempered but that's all normal, haha. Not much CM and I got loads the last time I was preg. I'm hanging onto the cramps and strange twinges I'm getting but I'm really not getting my hopes up.
> 
> Hope you are well, anyone got anything to add?
> 
> xx
> 
> oooo fx!!! when will u test/Click to expand...
> 
> I doubt it's anything much. Tests are damned expensive here in NZ, so I'll probably wait till AF due, which is mon 31st otherwise I'll waste them all for nothing - can't have them in the house, I don't have the strength of willpower to leave them alone! I've not been charting my cycles exactly since the boys were born, though they came back to regular immediately I could be a day or so out from that.Click to expand...

i know what u mean about testing... when i was ttc hayden i was testing before i had o'd:haha: although in my defense it wasn't long after losing charlie so wasn't sure where i really was in my cycle..:blush:
i bought tests off ebay.. just the cheap strip tests... can u get those?


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hiya, I'm about 9DPO, I think, but have no proof of that! 

Still crampy and gassy and kindof feel hungover but I'm not getting the obvious signs that I got last time - last time I had tons of CM from Ov onwards, snotty nose and sneezing constantly (this always seems to happen when I'm preg), massive coldsores, dizziness, the lot. It being twins maybe made the hormones much stronger but my tests weren't that dark so I dunno if it made a difference that early - they would still have been splitting into two at about 4-6DPO (that's a mental thought, actually). 

I'm a bit sniffy this time but I get it with OV as well and it's fading so was probably just that.

How are you going?

How is everyone else today? Thanks for the hugs MM, I'll take one!


----------



## babesx3

KamIAm said:


> Ok... I am loosing my ever loving mind.... I didn't remember seeing this thread here and I just knew I never noticed or been in here before then as I read a few pages back , I posted in here about TTC soon... Hahahaha :dohh: Yep, that's right, I'm smooth like that LOL!!! :haha:
> 
> Ok gang.... I have found a home for all my posting !!! :happydance:
> 
> It is sooo welcoming, warming to see some many familiar names in here!! That is super exciting!!!!
> 
> Now I can stalk you all in one place!! :winkwink:
> 
> Well as for me in this journey .... I am 3 dpo and having FOREVER to wait til I can test next week... LONGGGGG wait :wacko:
> 
> Yes, my mind is already playing tricks on me, thinking I am having symptoms but I know I have to be too early for this stuff LOL!!!
> 
> My method for the next few months will be.... Land and see where we end up... LOL!! I've never used opk's, or temp taking, tracking... anything... I'm clueless... So, I just kind of figure when I "O" from my AF ... :shrug: That's all ...
> 
> Guess we'll see...
> 
> I hope and pray we get lots of rainbows here soon!!!!
> 
> Keep us all posted!!!
> 
> :dust::dust:

u will prob cover it so long as u dtd every other day between day 10 and 18 if u have a 26-30 day cycle....
i used one of those monitors when ttc tilly and found out i was o'ing on day 17/18 of a 28 day cycle...:wacko: no wonder it took me 9 months with her as i thought i was o'ing on cd14 so wasn't dtd after that...


----------



## babesx3

oo good signs nikki ... have everything crossed for you!!!

i know i started this thread when i was ttc and pregnant.... do u girls mind if i stick around when i have my rainbow?

or maybe i change the title to ttc ,pregnant and rainbow mummies :)
what do u think?


----------



## Nikki_d72

babesx3 said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> Hi Ladies, I'm alright, too. I'm about 7DPO today, not even sure I ov'd this month, have only been checking signs, not doing oPKs or anything. I've been getting a lot of cramping, I'm bloated, gassy, hungry, tired and bad-tempered but that's all normal, haha. Not much CM and I got loads the last time I was preg. I'm hanging onto the cramps and strange twinges I'm getting but I'm really not getting my hopes up.
> 
> Hope you are well, anyone got anything to add?
> 
> xx
> 
> oooo fx!!! when will u test/Click to expand...
> 
> I doubt it's anything much. Tests are damned expensive here in NZ, so I'll probably wait till AF due, which is mon 31st otherwise I'll waste them all for nothing - can't have them in the house, I don't have the strength of willpower to leave them alone! I've not been charting my cycles exactly since the boys were born, though they came back to regular immediately I could be a day or so out from that.Click to expand...
> 
> i know what u mean about testing... when i was ttc hayden i was testing before i had o'd:haha: although in my defense it wasn't long after losing charlie so wasn't sure where i really was in my cycle..:blush:
> i bought tests off ebay.. just the cheap strip tests... can u get those?Click to expand...

Thanks babesx3, There isn't really ebay here most folk use Trademe which is similar but not much joy on there. There is one company who had them quite cheap on the net, it was the cassette ones that the doctors use and it was only available in packs of 100! I was really hoping to not need that many so I never bought the mega-pack and I got pregnant with the twins the following month. 

If I don't fall within a few months I'll have a look - I know it's stupid but I kind of feel that by buying so many I'm hexing myself to need them! So this time it will just be the FR 3 pack (don't have the early result ones either, and no indication of the sensitivity anywhere on the pack, v. annoying!). I went looking for the digi tests as well last time, just to be sure and folk were looking at me like I was talking martian when I asked in all the pharmacies! They have the digi OPK's but no sign of the HPT's anywhere. I'll just have to be strong and wait till AF is due! :dohh:


----------



## babesx3

i bought loads of tests in the 2ww and ended up giving them away, i was working on the opposite theory and even bought loads of sanitary products too...lol using them now!! lol... i could buy some and post them for u , if u like? but i guess by the time u get them u would know anyway , not sure how long post takes to get to NZ?


----------



## Nikki_d72

babesx3 said:


> oo good signs nikki ... have everything crossed for you!!!
> 
> i know i started this thread when i was ttc and pregnant.... do u girls mind if i stick around when i have my rainbow?
> 
> or maybe i change the title to ttc ,pregnant and rainbow mummies :)
> what do u think?

Absolutely need you to stick with us now you have your rainbow! You are so welcoming and helpful and living proof that there can be that rainbow after the storm! Don't you go anywhere! :nope:


----------



## babesx3

:friends: Awww thanks.. i didn't want to dissapear.....
but didn't want to out stay my welcome iykwim...

Would really like to help and offer support wherever i can... i know how i struggled with pregnancy after losing charlie, was a complete fruitcake, it really helps to be able to tell people who understand how u are feeling.... :friends:


----------



## Nikki_d72

babesx3 said:


> i bought loads of tests in the 2ww and ended up giving them away, i was working on the opposite theory and even bought loads of sanitary products too...lol using them now!! lol... i could buy some and post them for u , if u like? but i guess by the time u get them u would know anyway , not sure how long post takes to get to NZ?

Aww, thanks so much honey, you're so nice. See what I mean about needing you to stay? I'll see what happens this month and I could always get my Mum to send some but I don't really want to tell her I'm TTC as then she'll be worrying and asking all the time and I couldn't be bothered with that. I've got some other friends over there or there may be better deals in Auzzie - I'm hoping I don't need them though, hehehe


----------



## babesx3

ok ... FX u won't need any ....
how long did it take to concieve your twins?
love the names btW!!:cloud9:
what age is your DD?


----------



## yazoo

Imalia said:


> I think this is what worries me. I'm only 32, but I still feel like my time is running out, and I haven't even managed one successful pregnancy yet. I think I'm just about on the verge of giving up. I keep saying it, I keep swearing I can't take anymore. But I wouldn't know what to do with the rest of my life without having at least one baby for keepsies.

don't give up hope hun. You are still young. My cousin who has been trying for a baby for 10 years with numerous cycles of IVF is not pregnant after her latest cycle of IVF. After 10 years they never get up and now she is pregnant. YOU WILL HAVE A BABY and you will make a great Mammy. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Well ladies I am on CD15 and I don't know if I have ovulated yet. I have been getting negatives on OPKs but I have never got a positive with them. We have been dtd every 2 days from CD6- do you think that is enough? I feel like maybe we should have been dtd everyday for the past few days.


----------



## Imalia

I wish we'd only been trying ten years :p

Totally fed up and frustrated with my GP who seems to think fertility treatment is a dirty word. So I've decided enough is enough, and I'm switching to a different GP surgery and hoping we'll finally get somewhere.


----------



## yazoo

Imalia said:


> I wish we'd only been trying ten years :p
> 
> Totally fed up and frustrated with my GP who seems to think fertility treatment is a dirty word. So I've decided enough is enough, and I'm switching to a different GP surgery and hoping we'll finally get somewhere.

How long have you been trying Imalia. Your are right. If you are not happy with your GP then it is definitely time to switch.


----------



## Imalia

A little over 14 years now. It's never taken less than a year for us to manage to fall pregnant, and 20 weeks is the furthest we've gotten. Five pregnancies, all losses, in 14 years and my GP still doesn't think there's anything worth looking at or doing about it. :dohh:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Imalia said:


> A little over 14 years now. It's never taken less than a year for us to manage to fall pregnant, and 20 weeks is the furthest we've gotten. Five pregnancies, all losses, in 14 years and my GP still doesn't think there's anything worth looking at or doing about it. :dohh:

WOW, I can't tell you how sorry I am, i can't even imagine all you have been through :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I hope things work out for you and you get all you deserve. Thinking of you .XOXOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Oh I'm so sorry Imalia. That must be so tough for you and your OH. I really hope things work out for you and I am sure they will. My cousin who I mentioned has never been pregnant in the 10 years and is now 11 weeks pregnant thats why I told you about her. I thought your situation was similar but I'm sorry I should have read your signature. I'm sorry. 

That is very unprofessional of your GP. Is it not procedure to look into things in detail after 3 miscarriages. Even for a woman to go through 3 before she gets answers is too many IMO. YOu are in my thoughts. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## babesx3

Imalia said:


> A little over 14 years now. It's never taken less than a year for us to manage to fall pregnant, and 20 weeks is the furthest we've gotten. Five pregnancies, all losses, in 14 years and my GP still doesn't think there's anything worth looking at or doing about it. :dohh:

:hugs: It really does seem terrible that your GP isn't reffering you!!!:growlmad:
I don't really know the facts and figures about LTTTC, do any of the girls in that section have any advice.. I have read a couple of the success stories over there ..quite inspirational ...
I wish i i could say something to help u Imalia :hugs:


----------



## babesx3

yazoo said:


> Well ladies I am on CD15 and I don't know if I have ovulated yet. I have been getting negatives on OPKs but I have never got a positive with them. We have been dtd every 2 days from CD6- do you think that is enough? I feel like maybe we should have been dtd everyday for the past few days.

yeah i think dtd every other night is plenty..sperm lives quite a long time doesn't it and your egg lives a couple of days too...
sorry my mind is a bit blank today:dohh: i can't remember any facts.. but pretty sure every other day dtd is what they reccomend!!
i would dtd for another couple of days just in case yoiu o late too!!:thumbup: i ovulate late in my cycle.. around cd 17/18
good luck!!:flower:


----------



## Imalia

My GP, I don't know what he's thinking. I've been in there in tears begging and his attitude just won't budge. "You've been pregnant so you're not infertile" "No one can magically make you pregnant" and "You have PCOS and we've given you metformin, we're doing all we can"

We've never had any investigations either because they have been different types of losses and not ruled as linked. (two early mc (5 and 8 weeks), 1 ectopic (8 weeks), 1 2nd tri (20 weeks), one chemical) My PCOS is pretty well controlled and I do ovulate every month and DH is fine. There's no real reason we can't get pregnant, and no reason anyone can tell us that we keep going through losses. Everytime it's just "Bad luck, one of those things"

This should be encouraging, except those are the very reasons we can't get anyone to give us help and take us seriously, because we can (eventually) get pregnant on our own and it's all just bad luck that it never works out.


----------



## babesx3

It does seem u could do with some advice though doesn't it.... like when i lost charlie the consultant told nme to take higher dose folic and low dose asprin.. i do feel those thionmgs helped.... who did u see after u lost at 20 weeks di u see a consultant then u can talk to?


----------



## mhazzab

ooohh everyone has come over here now...can I play too? For anyone who doesn't know me, I'm currently a teeny little bit pregnant with my rainbow. 

Good luck to everyone TTC, pregnant or holding their rainbows lets get through this together, it's the only way to do it

xxx


----------



## Imalia

After we lost Adam (whoa, that was kind of weird, first time his name has been shared with anyone but me and DH) we had a post mortem and a lot of investigations. We lost him due to a circumvallate placenta and hypercoiled umbilical cord. I take higher dose folic acid (5mg/daily) anyway because I have a sister with spina bifida and we've been told next time I'll be put on low dose aspirin from 10 weeks, but that was it. I have so many issues with the hospital over that loss it not even funny. 

I was very insistant and hashed out a care plan for a future pregnancy that from what I have read from others is actually pretty good, perhaps even unusually so. But none of this helps if we don't get pregnant again. I'd been putting off changing doctors because for the most part I really like and get along with my GP. It's just this one issue we butt heads over. DH is with a different surgery though and his doctor is much more sympathetic to us, but won't refer us because protocol says a fertility referral comes from the woman's doctor. So I plan this week to switch to the same surgery DH is at and hope we can finally start moving forward.


----------



## KamIAm

Good Morning Gang!!!! :coffee:

Wow, I see everyone is already wide awake and bushy tailed :winkwink: I keep forgetting we have a HUGE time gap ..:haha:

How is everyone today???? 

I tell ya... I am officially obsessing, yes, even after I made a big deal and saying I"m not gonna, well obviously I am! LOL!!! I even had a dream last night that I woke up this morning and tested (even in my dream I was only 4 dpo) and had a (bfp) LOL... Don't like screaming it unless it's a "REAL" one Hahahaha ..When I woke I found myself rummaging thru my bathroom drawers and cabinets for a hpt! Hahaha :rofl:

Yep.... I am cray cray.... :winkwink:

I wanna TEST!!!!!! :haha:


----------



## babesx3

mhazzab said:


> ooohh everyone has come over here now...can I play too? For anyone who doesn't know me, I'm currently a teeny little bit pregnant with my rainbow.
> 
> Good luck to everyone TTC, pregnant or holding their rainbows lets get through this together, it's the only way to do it
> 
> xxx

Hi :friends: Congratulations on your pregnancy :flower: 
I know its says when u ar e due but my pea brain can't work out how far along u are:dohh:
how are you feeling?


----------



## babesx3

Imalia said:


> After we lost Adam (whoa, that was kind of weird, first time his name has been shared with anyone but me and DH) we had a post mortem and a lot of investigations. We lost him due to a circumvallate placenta and hypercoiled umbilical cord. I take higher dose folic acid (5mg/daily) anyway because I have a sister with spina bifida and we've been told next time I'll be put on low dose aspirin from 10 weeks, but that was it. I have so many issues with the hospital over that loss it not even funny.
> 
> I was very insistant and hashed out a care plan for a future pregnancy that from what I have read from others is actually pretty good, perhaps even unusually so. But none of this helps if we don't get pregnant again. I'd been putting off changing doctors because for the most part I really like and get along with my GP. It's just this one issue we butt heads over. DH is with a different surgery though and his doctor is much more sympathetic to us, but won't refer us because protocol says a fertility referral comes from the woman's doctor. So I plan this week to switch to the same surgery DH is at and hope we can finally start moving forward.

Adam is a lovely name :cloud9: thanks for sharing..its actually my brothers name too!!
it does sound like u are doing the right thing moving docs.. i really hope he gets things moving for u !!!:hugs::hugs:


----------



## babesx3

KamIAm said:


> Good Morning Gang!!!! :coffee:
> 
> Wow, I see everyone is already wide awake and bushy tailed :winkwink: I keep forgetting we have a HUGE time gap ..:haha:
> 
> How is everyone today????
> 
> I tell ya... I am officially obsessing, yes, even after I made a big deal and saying I"m not gonna, well obviously I am! LOL!!! I even had a dream last night that I woke up this morning and tested (even in my dream I was only 4 dpo) and had a (bfp) LOL... Don't like screaming it unless it's a "REAL" one Hahahaha ..When I woke I found myself rummaging thru my bathroom drawers and cabinets for a hpt! Hahaha :rofl:
> 
> Yep.... I am cray cray.... :winkwink:
> 
> I wanna TEST!!!!!! :haha:

:rofl: i am a test crazy lady too!!:blush: in fact i am in withdrawl lol!!!

its soooohard not to test especially if u have some handy!!!:winkwink: and then spend ours obsesing whether there is a veeeeerrry faint line or not :dohh:

I'm having a dizzy day today, we are trying to sell our house so i'm supposed to be cleaning tidying etc etc ..so what am i doing...yep BnB :blush:


----------



## collie_crazy

Imalia I'm so sorry your TTC journey has been such a long and hard one :hugs: Heres hoping that your new GP will be more forthcoming with help! Adam is a lovely name, thanks for sharing :hugs:

Mhazzab how are you feeling? :baby:

Kelly I am officially going insane too :rofl: 

Well I am 4dpo today - yesterday I had brown spotting when I wiped only and only the one time... today I have had loads of creamy CM - like loads! I actually thought AF had come super early but it wasn't!

I know I am getting carried away but I am slightly excited because I had loads of CM in the first few weeks with my last pregnancy :headspin:


----------



## babesx3

ooooo collie crazy i'm thinking Implant bleed!!! :yipee:


----------



## mhazzab

babesx3 said:


> Hi :friends: Congratulations on your pregnancy :flower:
> I know its says when u ar e due but my pea brain can't work out how far along u are:dohh:
> how are you feeling?

Hi! :hi:
thanks, still very early, 4.5 weeks, wish time would go faster, lol. 

feeling very tired and nauseous but i like it, it means something good is happening in there :happydance:


----------



## babesx3

oooo yes good symptoms!!! :)


----------



## babesx3

ooo lovely chatting i really need to sign off and go paint a treasure chest with my 5yr old for her school homework,... we made it yesterday and painting today..... goodness only knows how i'm making treasure for it :wacko:


----------



## mhazzab

babesx3 said:


> ooooo collie crazy i'm thinking Implant bleed!!! :yipee:

me tooooooo! 

:happydance:

Urgh don't you just hate it when you try to remain calm, and then you get a symptom like this, and it just gets you so impatient as you want to know RIGHT NOW!


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Imalia I'm so sorry your TTC journey has been such a long and hard one :hugs: Heres hoping that your new GP will be more forthcoming with help! Adam is a lovely name, thanks for sharing :hugs:

Hi Imalia, same from me too, I will be hoping you get the support you need from the new surgery it's so unfair they are not giving you what you need. thank you for sharing your son's name with us, I feel very honoured, it's lovely xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Collie~ Implantation bleed is my vote as well!!! :happydance::happydance:

what other symptoms are you having now?? 

I am just a tad confused with my symptoms ... I dont feel bad ALL the time, just comes in waves...suddenly...then it passes just as fast as it came.. :shrug: WEird... I'm still having gas and lots of CM but NO spotting/brown gunk...:shrug: Soooo Girl! I am sooo freakin' ready to POAS I can't stand it.... 

AND guess what I just so happen to find in my panty drawer...... 2 HPT!!:winkwink: 

I will not test, I will not test, I will not test ........:wacko:

Collie, when is the absolute soonest you are testing??

Mhazzab~ 4.5 weeks along... :happydance: Closer to that baby!!! :happydance: I am BEYOND excited for you, and you have to give all the details LOL :winkwink:


----------



## KamIAm

Whewwww.... I am learning a ton!!! Google has become my best friend :winkwink:

Ok, Warning!! Possible TMI!!!!!!!!!!! :thumbup:

I have never had this much CM.... ICky!!!! But something I just read about was your cervical position during early pregnancy...???... Really?? How do I not know all of this stuff??? Good Grief...:shrug:

Well, must say I recently read and learned about cervical position as usual and when you ovulate so just recently checked all that out for the first time and it really does feel like that website explained, crazy!! :winkwink:

But I've never thought of checking CP during (possible) early pregnancy SOOOO, me being the excited new pupil, decided to check it out!! :winkwink:

Holy crap! That's wild! LOL!!! They said your cervix will drop low and get hard after "O" BUT if pregnant it would feel higher, soft and still wet.... Makes sense with all the CM ... I'm telling ya, I don't think of this stuff... Don't pay that close attention, obviously maybe I should, huh :thumbup:

Sooo, as of a few minutes ago... My CP (position) is high, very soft and moist...... :blush:

I really really really need to stop thinking... I'm mainly just wondering.... Curiosity :winkwink:

Anyone else familiar with CP??? Anyone else have any info or tid bits that maybe I got mixed up or something ... :hugs:

Thanks a ton friends :flower:


----------



## DueSeptember

mhazzab said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> Hi :friends: Congratulations on your pregnancy :flower:
> I know its says when u ar e due but my pea brain can't work out how far along u are:dohh:
> how are you feeling?
> 
> Hi! :hi:
> thanks, still very early, 4.5 weeks, wish time would go faster, lol.
> 
> feeling very tired and nauseous but i like it, it means something good is happening in there :happydance:Click to expand...

*OMG CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *


----------



## Nikki_d72

babesx3 said:


> ok ... FX u won't need any ....
> how long did it take to concieve your twins?
> love the names btW!!:cloud9:
> what age is your DD?

We were NTNP for about 2.5 years, but I didn't have a clue about timing and all that (until I found this site) and it was post-Mirena and we were renovating so not a lot of action, TBH! It only took 3 cycles once I started tracking my cycles and trying properly, which was a bit of a miracle in itself as DH had done his back in and fallen through some rotten flooring in this house, that we had just moved into that month and we only DTD ONCE! It seemed so "meant to be", we were back in NZ, where we had wanted to be for years and had been working away at getting the other house done all that time to sell and get here, we were finally in our own place (we bought a piece of land and transported an old house onto it, it's mental how they can do that here) and Bingo! I was pregnant within 3 weeks. It still seems so hard to believe it wasn't meant to be. 

Anyway, no point in dwelling on it, what is, is what is. My DD is 8, will be 9 in March, so massive age-gap and getting bigger every day (we wanted to be back here before we really tried for more, I regret that now, time really got away from us). She still desperately wants to be a sister though and is on my case every day to try again. 

Did any of your kids go kind of younger in their behavior when you lost Charlie? She's acting a bit daft, nothing too drastic but a bit controlling too, digging her hells in over EVERYTHING, it's quite hard not to end up argueing. Sorry, that's a bit OT!


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Sooo, as of a few minutes ago... My CP (position) is high, very soft and moist...... :blush:
> 
> I really really really need to stop thinking... I'm mainly just wondering.... Curiosity :winkwink:
> 
> Anyone else familiar with CP??? Anyone else have any info or tid bits that maybe I got mixed up or something ... :hugs:
> 
> Thanks a ton friends :flower:

Don't know anything about CP I've never checked it so can't help you, sounds promising though! All of you guys TTCing, so many at once, I'm just so excited! 
Xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Going to add my first post to this thread as we're now ttc too, well more ntnp really but it worked last time so we'll see how we get on.

This may sound like a strange question but if we're dtd everyday do we have less chance of conceiving than if we dtd every other day? We conceived on every other day with Max but we can't seem to keep our hands off each other at the moment and we're at it most days :blush:


----------



## DueSeptember

MummyStobe said:


> Going to add my first post to this thread as we're now ttc too, well more ntnp really but it worked last time so we'll see how we get on.
> 
> This may sound like a strange question but if we're dtd everyday do we have less chance of conceiving than if we dtd every other day? We conceived on every other day with Max but we can't seem to keep our hands off each other at the moment and we're at it most days :blush:

*I heard every day is not good....*


----------



## Nikki_d72

Imalia, I also think you are right to change GP's, this is such a huge issue in your life, does he not realise what he is denying you? I hope you get better results with your OH's GP. Wishing you all the luck in the world and tons of :dust: Thankyou for Sharing Adam's name with us too, it's lovely and I'm honoured you would tell us about him. Thankyou.

Collie, I don't want to get your hopes up, but OMG, that sounds really encouraging!

Kam, don't be alarmed if your Cx drops down again, mine did when I was pregnant with the twins and I lost heart, thought I was out for sure. The extra mucous sounds like a brill symptom too, normally after OV it dries up. Did you cave and test?

AFM, I'm very crampy and am now getting a bit of mucous, not had any really till now which was so different to last time, so who knows, but it may just be pre AF, I'm due Sun, I think. Still feel hungover and thirsty but I did a lot of digging in the sun on Sat so it may still be from that - I burned the crap outa myself, woops. I went to a psychic yesterday though who asked me if I was pregnant (sorry if I'm not meant to talk about this here, PM me if it needs to be edited out), but didn't pick up on the twins or me losing them at all, so I'm pretty skeptical. When he asked me that my eyes filled up immediately, I couldn't help it, so had to explain what happened. He did get some pretty accurate stuff about my FIL who passed away 7 years ago though. Aw, we'll see but I'm very doubtful.

Good luck all! xx


----------



## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> Imalia I'm so sorry your TTC journey has been such a long and hard one :hugs: Heres hoping that your new GP will be more forthcoming with help! Adam is a lovely name, thanks for sharing :hugs:
> 
> Mhazzab how are you feeling? :baby:
> 
> Kelly I am officially going insane too :rofl:
> 
> Well I am 4dpo today - yesterday I had brown spotting when I wiped only and only the one time... today I have had loads of creamy CM - like loads! I actually thought AF had come super early but it wasn't!
> 
> I know I am getting carried away but I am slightly excited because I had loads of CM in the first few weeks with my last pregnancy :headspin:

Keeping my fingers crossed that you get your BFP hun. Keep us posted. x


----------



## MummyStobe

DueSeptember said:


> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> Going to add my first post to this thread as we're now ttc too, well more ntnp really but it worked last time so we'll see how we get on.
> 
> This may sound like a strange question but if we're dtd everyday do we have less chance of conceiving than if we dtd every other day? We conceived on every other day with Max but we can't seem to keep our hands off each other at the moment and we're at it most days :blush:
> 
> *I heard every day is not good....*Click to expand...

In that case I'm getting a 'headache' tonight! :haha:


----------



## Nikki_d72

MummyStobe said:


> Going to add my first post to this thread as we're now ttc too, well more ntnp really but it worked last time so we'll see how we get on.
> 
> This may sound like a strange question but if we're dtd everyday do we have less chance of conceiving than if we dtd every other day? We conceived on every other day with Max but we can't seem to keep our hands off each other at the moment and we're at it most days :blush:

So glad you're TTC now! As for the every day thing, I read something about it not giving the man's sperm enough time to mature properly, there are loads sitting in the wings half-ready evidently and they need that day to mature when they are next in line, sounds like a wee alien army, doesn't it?! But I reckon that if you're enjoying each other like that then go for it! Being relaxed is probably the most important bit, I think and that's a bifg ask from any of us, so enjoy! Good luck! :dust:


----------



## MummyStobe

Imalia said:


> A little over 14 years now. It's never taken less than a year for us to manage to fall pregnant, and 20 weeks is the furthest we've gotten. Five pregnancies, all losses, in 14 years and my GP still doesn't think there's anything worth looking at or doing about it. :dohh:

Imalia I think you are an amazingly strong person. Please don't give up hope. I know of a couple of people who have had 7+ losses (at various stages) and have then gone on to have 2 or more healthy babies. Keep believing and I'm sure you'll be a mummy one day.

Also, I can't believe how your GP has dealt with the issue of fertility treatment. I don't blame you for wanting to change GP and I hope you get a better response from them when you do.

xx


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Gang!!!

Yay! MommyStobe.... Good Luck on your journey and baby makin' :winkwink: :winkwink: .. I also heard that if you :sex: everyday it didn't give your guy time to build up mature (big boy) sperm... I tried not dtd everyday but yea... :blush: we found it hard to do 3-4 days before O ... :winkwink:

And, NO ... I haven't tested YET.... I'm trying, really trying not to waste a test... Cuz that is all I'd be doing... Wasting, no way anything would show up THIS early :shrug: Blah LOL

I am sooo excited there are sooo many from this section ttc!!! :happydance: 

How is everyone feeling??? :flower:


----------



## collie_crazy

> There is a common practice where many couples believe they have to save the mans ejaculate until the exact moment of ovulation. You dont really have to do that. In fact, having sex often ensures that the sperm in a mans ejaculate is as healthy as it can be. Storing it up can decrease its motility, so dont be tempted to put off intercourse until you ovulate, and dont abstain for more than seven days in a row. Read our article on whether abstinence from sex can help to improve the sperm count for related information on this topic.
> 
> Ignore all the myths that the man will run out of sperm if you have sex too often. On the contrary, some men have a drop in their sperm count if they dont ejaculate regularly. It is true that the density of sperm in each ejaculate diminishes with frequent orgasms. But remember that it takes only one healthy sperm to make it to the womans Fallopian tubes during the time of ovulation. So density is less important than quality and motility here.

From everything I have read, medical studies included, there is no reason why DTD every day should have a detrimental effect on TTC. As long as the male is healthy and has a normal sperm count. The problem with every day is when there are sperm problems in the male. 

So you shouldnt need to have that headache after all :haha:

Kelly I dont really have any other symptoms apart from the CM and the spotting yesterday. I've felt a little nauseous all day but I know thats either just in my head or I am just generally nauseous because its far too early for that to actually be a symptom :rofl: 

I will probably start testing at 6dpo because that is when I got my first positive last time. And I know every time is different and that is super early and I will probably just be wasting a test but I know I wont be able to stop myself :blush:


----------



## yazoo

Welcome mhazzab. :flower:

Imalia- thank you for sharing Adams name. I wish you all the best with the new GP. 

Ooh Collie- I really hope its implantation bleed. :happydance:

Mummystobe- I'm delighted you are ttc. :happydance:

Nikki- your symptoms sounds good too. :thumbup:

Kelly- well done on not testing. :thumbup:

I think I got positives on OPK today. The line was not as dark as the control line but it was pretty dark & there has been no line at all before today. I was so excited. lol. Needless to say we got busy. :haha: Hoping those :spermy: catch an egg.


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Welcome mhazzab. :flower:
> 
> Imalia- thank you for sharing Adams name. I wish you all the best with the new GP.
> 
> Ooh Collie- I really hope its implantation bleed. :happydance:
> 
> Mummystobe- I'm delighted you are ttc. :happydance:
> 
> Nikki- your symptoms sounds good too. :thumbup:
> 
> Kelly- well done on not testing. :thumbup:
> 
> I think I got positives on OPK today. The line was not as dark as the control line but it was pretty dark & there has been no line at all before today. I was so excited. lol. Needless to say we got busy. :haha: Hoping those :spermy: catch an egg.

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: I am right there with you girlfriend!!! Well not actually right there, but you know what I mean :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

GL, Yazoo, hope you catch it and have fun trying!


----------



## KamIAm

Must Report ........ :winkwink:

Having LOTS more CM tonight now accompanied with cramping.... I am SOOO not sure what this means, AF or Baby... Soooo, guess we'll see....:thumbup:

Good Night Friends!!!:hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Must Report ........ :winkwink:
> 
> Having LOTS more CM tonight now accompanied with cramping.... I am SOOO not sure what this means, AF or Baby... Soooo, guess we'll see....:thumbup:
> 
> Good Night Friends!!!:hugs:

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: We are hoping BABY :happydance::happydance::happydance: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Have a great night sweetie..xoxoxox :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


----------



## KamIAm

Thanks ANdrea!!! :winkwink:

How are YOU doing?? :hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

KamIAm said:


> Must Report ........ :winkwink:
> 
> Having LOTS more CM tonight now accompanied with cramping.... I am SOOO not sure what this means, AF or Baby... Soooo, guess we'll see....:thumbup:
> 
> Good Night Friends!!!:hugs:

Fingers crossed for a BFP xx


----------



## babesx3

Nikki_d72 said:


> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> ok ... FX u won't need any ....
> how long did it take to concieve your twins?
> love the names btW!!:cloud9:
> what age is your DD?
> 
> We were NTNP for about 2.5 years, but I didn't have a clue about timing and all that (until I found this site) and it was post-Mirena and we were renovating so not a lot of action, TBH! It only took 3 cycles once I started tracking my cycles and trying properly, which was a bit of a miracle in itself as DH had done his back in and fallen through some rotten flooring in this house, that we had just moved into that month and we only DTD ONCE! It seemed so "meant to be", we were back in NZ, where we had wanted to be for years and had been working away at getting the other house done all that time to sell and get here, we were finally in our own place (we bought a piece of land and transported an old house onto it, it's mental how they can do that here) and Bingo! I was pregnant within 3 weeks. It still seems so hard to believe it wasn't meant to be.
> 
> Anyway, no point in dwelling on it, what is, is what is. My DD is 8, will be 9 in March, so massive age-gap and getting bigger every day (we wanted to be back here before we really tried for more, I regret that now, time really got away from us). She still desperately wants to be a sister though and is on my case every day to try again.
> 
> Did any of your kids go kind of younger in their behavior when you lost Charlie? She's acting a bit daft, nothing too drastic but a bit controlling too, digging her hells in over EVERYTHING, it's quite hard not to end up argueing. Sorry, that's a bit OT!Click to expand...

:hugs: it is hard to think that our loved babies were not meant to be.. i have 2 children born in june and 1 in feb, charlie should of been with me in feb too wheich seemed meant to be but wasn't ..hayden was born in july... but i couldn't love him more...such a mixture of emotions when thinking of what u should have and then what you'll have ....:hugs:

My kids were pretty young when i lost charlie evie was 4 dylan 3 and tiily 1, so not really noticed much behavioural difference... and i got pregnant straight away so i think to them i was just pregnant a really long time... i think me crying a lot started to effect them in the early days... i got snapped out of it when evie said to me one day she wished she had a happy mummy.. really shocked me and upset me, and i make every effort not to cry in front of them now....... they talk about charlie in heaven , but have just accepted it now..... it does de sensitise u when they talk about him a lot... my 2 year old repeating charlie dead over and over till you reply yes tilly charlie dead, does kinda desensitise the subject :dohh: blimey rambled there :blush:


----------



## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> There is a common practice where many couples believe they have to save the mans ejaculate until the exact moment of ovulation. You dont really have to do that. In fact, having sex often ensures that the sperm in a mans ejaculate is as healthy as it can be. Storing it up can decrease its motility, so dont be tempted to put off intercourse until you ovulate, and dont abstain for more than seven days in a row. Read our article on whether abstinence from sex can help to improve the sperm count for related information on this topic.
> 
> Ignore all the myths that the man will run out of sperm if you have sex too often. On the contrary, some men have a drop in their sperm count if they dont ejaculate regularly. It is true that the density of sperm in each ejaculate diminishes with frequent orgasms. But remember that it takes only one healthy sperm to make it to the womans Fallopian tubes during the time of ovulation. So density is less important than quality and motility here.
> 
> From everything I have read, medical studies included, there is no reason why DTD every day should have a detrimental effect on TTC. As long as the male is healthy and has a normal sperm count. The problem with every day is when there are sperm problems in the male.
> 
> So you shouldnt need to have that headache afterallClick to expand...

In that case I'm getting straight back on it tonight!


----------



## yazoo

LOL Andy I know what you mean hun. 

Kelly- We're really hoping baby. 

So girls what I thought was positves on the OPK yesterday weren't. I looked at pics on fertilityfriend so I could judge properly. The OPK today though is alot stronger. Does that mean that I will ovulate today or in the next couple of days? Lots and lots of :dust: for you all. 

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## babesx3

yeah with opks the second line needs to be as strong or stronger than the control to be positive.... so if it is u will ovulate in the next 24hrs i think.... good luck!! :dust:


----------



## yazoo

Thanks babesx3. I'm really glad i have the OPKs. I was giving out about them a few days ago coz I wasn't getting positives but thank god I have them as I wold have thought O had passed by now. It took us 9 months to conceive Jakob and I now think that is why because after CD 14 or 15 we took it easy with BDing as we were exhausted lol.


----------



## babesx3

yeah thats what happened with me... with concieving hayden i used opk and got i think 4-5 positives in a row.. i read stress can make ovulation delay , it was over when i had charlkie cremated , obviously a stress time ,but i kept dtd as they kept on being positive... and low and behold bfp!!! FX u will get yours too!! :)


----------



## KamIAm

Well Good Morning Ladies!!! :coffee:

First off, Warm welcome to Katie!! Your avatar pic is breath~taking beautiful!!! Wow .... :flower:

You will meet and get to know some of the most treasured women in the world here, I absolutely love them all and don't know what I'd do without them :hugs:

OK..... Welcome to the crazy train!!! All Aboard!!! :happydance:

Had some mild cramping last night, didn't feel well again last night... I'm beggining to see a pattern with this junk... It's always in the evenings! :wacko: So weird! BUT something I will researching once I finish this post is .... My poor OH wanted to :sex: last night so that's where we ended up BUT it hurt horrible bad, I wanted to stop ... felt like he was thrusting a knife in me! UGH!! It was terrible.... We didn't do anything differently so I am baffled .. I checked for any bleeding, cuz I just KNEW there would be some, but none..... I never told him that it hurt but afterwards I asked him if it felt different, he said yes.. Like I was very swollen ... ???? TMI TMI TMI TMI ... :blush: I still feel crampy but better this morning .. :shrug: Have you all heard of this??? :shrug:

Ok,,, Sooooo online research full steam ahead...:thumbup: 

Collie- hahahaha .... I'll be testing probably as soon as Fri on.. I really wanna wait as long as possible, heck I'd even be happy waiting til SUnday... We'll see!!! :winkwink:

Good Luck ladies!!!!! :happydance:

:dust::dust::dust:

And keep me posted with how everyone is feeling!!!!! :winkwink:


----------



## KamIAm

Well, crap... My "welcome" Katie wasn't suppose to be in this one LOL!!! Yep I am SOOOO losing my mind!!!! : )))))


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Well Good Morning Ladies!!! :coffee:
> 
> First off, Warm welcome to Katie!! Your avatar pic is breath~taking beautiful!!! Wow .... :flower:
> 
> You will meet and get to know some of the most treasured women in the world here, I absolutely love them all and don't know what I'd do without them :hugs:
> 
> OK..... Welcome to the crazy train!!! All Aboard!!! :happydance:
> 
> Had some mild cramping last night, didn't feel well again last night... I'm beggining to see a pattern with this junk... It's always in the evenings! :wacko: So weird! BUT something I will researching once I finish this post is .... My poor OH wanted to :sex: last night so that's where we ended up BUT it hurt horrible bad, I wanted to stop ... felt like he was thrusting a knife in me! UGH!! It was terrible.... We didn't do anything differently so I am baffled .. I checked for any bleeding, cuz I just KNEW there would be some, but none..... I never told him that it hurt but afterwards I asked him if it felt different, he said yes.. Like I was very swollen ... ???? TMI TMI TMI TMI ... :blush: I still feel crampy but better this morning .. :shrug: Have you all heard of this??? :shrug:
> 
> Ok,,, Sooooo online research full steam ahead...:thumbup:
> 
> Collie- hahahaha .... I'll be testing probably as soon as Fri on.. I really wanna wait as long as possible, heck I'd even be happy waiting til SUnday... We'll see!!! :winkwink:
> 
> Good Luck ladies!!!!! :happydance:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> And keep me posted with how everyone is feeling!!!!! :winkwink:

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
All good sings, but sorry you felt hurt :happydance::happydance::happydance: But it is a good sign. Kelly, I am just so nervous and I can't wait no more :brat::brat::brat::brat::brat: Friday please come soon.... I am starting to use my OPK on Friday so we will see, if I do ovulate on count day 15 then I got to get to it on Sunday Monday and Tuesday :dohh::dohh: I told my husband maybe we should go out for dinner and drink a little and then go you know what :blush::blush: 
So excited for everyone I can't wait ...
XOXOOXX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Thanks Andy! :hugs: I am gonna REALLY try to settle down, and quit sypmton spotting... LOL!!! Good Grief, I am driving myself mad! Haha:haha:

The pain during sex thru me for a loop tho... Never expected or heard of that... Good sign you think?? I don't know ......](*,)](*,) My cervical position is super high tho (very hard for me to touch) so I wouldn't think it would be from my OH "member" touching, hittting or irritating it... :shrug: ... :blush: Super icky and soft as well ... :shrug: 

I'm just wishin' this week would hurry and pass .... :toothpick::toothpick:

Andy, you will have to keep me posted with all your opk's stuff... I'm totally clueless with them, find it fascinating :winkwink: 

Tell me everythinggggggg :happydance:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Thanks Andy! :hugs: I am gonna REALLY try to settle down, and quit sypmton spotting... LOL!!! Good Grief, I am driving myself mad! Haha:haha:
> 
> The pain during sex thru me for a loop tho... Never expected or heard of that... Good sign you think?? I don't know ......](*,)](*,) My cervical position is super high tho (very hard for me to touch) so I wouldn't think it would be from my OH "member" touching, hittting or irritating it... :shrug: ... :blush: Super icky and soft as well ... :shrug:
> 
> I'm just wishin' this week would hurry and pass .... :toothpick::toothpick:
> 
> Andy, you will have to keep me posted with all your opk's stuff... I'm totally clueless with them, find it fascinating :winkwink:
> 
> Tell me everythinggggggg :happydance:

LOL, And I was going to ask you a question about OPK"S,,, I better start a new thread..
XOXOOXOX :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:


----------



## ericacaca

Gosh ladies... all these symptoms sound very exciting. It must be so hard not to get your hopes up... praying for you. When I had a bit of spotting I was kinda half thinking that it was implantation and half really trying not to get my hopes up. I have no idea when I ovulated so didnt really know when to test so took a test when I felt sick after brushing my teeth (another symptom I spotted as well as huge boobs) I took it around 5 days before I thought my AF was going to appear. Hahaha, the whole "are we, arent we" was driving me crazy!

I do have this really strong emotion though that I REALLY want this baby to survive the whole 40 weeks. Its also really sad that I have the naseau and all the food aversions starting now and the tiredness and the icky symptoms and I just think that I'm going to get all the bad bits of pregnancy and not ever see a baby because of last time. I'm really scared that I'm not going to enjoy this pregnancy until its over... and to me thats really sad. 

I mean, I'm 7 weeks today... its still early days. But I'm now more aware that miscarriages do happen, although my first time was a late one at 18 weeks (so all I got was 4 months of nausea, sickness, tiredness, illness and nothing else). I'm really sorry for asking this though ladies but if you had an early miscarriage (up to 12 weeks) then did you still have full on symptoms until the bad day happened? It just all seems so unfair. 

Sorry ladies, I'm not normally this negative. Just having a moment! xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

babesx3 said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> babesx3 said:
> 
> 
> ok ... FX u won't need any ....
> how long did it take to concieve your twins?
> love the names btW!!:cloud9:
> what age is your DD?
> 
> We were NTNP for about 2.5 years, but I didn't have a clue about timing and all that (until I found this site) and it was post-Mirena and we were renovating so not a lot of action, TBH! It only took 3 cycles once I started tracking my cycles and trying properly, which was a bit of a miracle in itself as DH had done his back in and fallen through some rotten flooring in this house, that we had just moved into that month and we only DTD ONCE! It seemed so "meant to be", we were back in NZ, where we had wanted to be for years and had been working away at getting the other house done all that time to sell and get here, we were finally in our own place (we bought a piece of land and transported an old house onto it, it's mental how they can do that here) and Bingo! I was pregnant within 3 weeks. It still seems so hard to believe it wasn't meant to be.
> 
> Anyway, no point in dwelling on it, what is, is what is. My DD is 8, will be 9 in March, so massive age-gap and getting bigger every day (we wanted to be back here before we really tried for more, I regret that now, time really got away from us). She still desperately wants to be a sister though and is on my case every day to try again.
> 
> Did any of your kids go kind of younger in their behavior when you lost Charlie? She's acting a bit daft, nothing too drastic but a bit controlling too, digging her hells in over EVERYTHING, it's quite hard not to end up argueing. Sorry, that's a bit OT!Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs: it is hard to think that our loved babies were not meant to be.. i have 2 children born in june and 1 in feb, charlie should of been with me in feb too wheich seemed meant to be but wasn't ..hayden was born in july... but i couldn't love him more...such a mixture of emotions when thinking of what u should have and then what you'll have ....:hugs:
> 
> My kids were pretty young when i lost charlie evie was 4 dylan 3 and tiily 1, so not really noticed much behavioural difference... and i got pregnant straight away so i think to them i was just pregnant a really long time... i think me crying a lot started to effect them in the early days... i got snapped out of it when evie said to me one day she wished she had a happy mummy.. really shocked me and upset me, and i make every effort not to cry in front of them now....... they talk about charlie in heaven , but have just accepted it now..... it does de sensitise u when they talk about him a lot... my 2 year old repeating charlie dead over and over till you reply yes tilly charlie dead, does kinda desensitise the subject :dohh: blimey rambled there :blush:Click to expand...

Aww, that must've been so hard to hear. Thanks for replying. I do try not to cry too much in front of her but a lot as she always wanted to try to make me better when it happened, like she was my Mum, not the other way round. That made me really uncomfortable so I just try to hold it together now. I think it's her own grief affecting her and I worry that she doesn't understand some of what she's feeling. She'll work her way through it her own way though I suppose and I probably read too much into it. xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Ericacaca, sorry I've only had the late loss so I don't know about that MC Q but I would say, I know it's next to impossible but try to think positively. I know exactly what you mean about only getting the bad bits, that thought came to me when I lost the boys as man, was I ill carrying them, then I felt really guilty and selfish for thinking that. it's true though, the thought of going through all that horrid bit again fills me with a wee bit of dread. Ah, it'll be worth it in the end. Keep your mind on the end result and celebrate the yukkyness!

The thing I think is, I felt bad the last time for not celebrating them enough, then I lost them - I was too focussed on the birth and I also didn't know for sure I was carrying twins till they were in trouble as I declined the nuchal U/S, so never got to say "OMG it's twins!" even though I had a gut feeling, so if I ever get pregnant again I'm going to try to force myself to take a moment each day to celebrate the life inside me and think positive, happy thoughts, so that even if it does go wrong again I know I've given my love over to the new life for the time I was pregnant. Now I know that sounds wierd and will very much be a forced thing at the start, as I know I'll be terrified as well (if i ever get that far) so will feel really fake but I'm hoping that over time it will help me relax and enjoy at least one wee bit every day. The rest of the day I'll no doubt be a worrying mess! It's very easy for me sitting my non-pregnant butt in this chair to say that of course but I'm going to try. I hope you can find a little peace and a little voice that says "it's going to be OK". Congrats on your pregnancy, I'm very excited for you! xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Katie, good to see you in here, I love your avatar pic as well. 

Kam, hope you're good today and having loads more symptoms!

Andy, not long now till the BD can commence again, yipee!

Love to all xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

KamIAm said:


> Well Good Morning Ladies!!! :coffee:
> 
> First off, Warm welcome to Katie!! Your avatar pic is breath~taking beautiful!!! Wow .... :flower:
> 
> You will meet and get to know some of the most treasured women in the world here, I absolutely love them all and don't know what I'd do without them :hugs:
> 
> OK..... Welcome to the crazy train!!! All Aboard!!! :happydance:
> 
> Had some mild cramping last night, didn't feel well again last night... I'm beggining to see a pattern with this junk... It's always in the evenings! :wacko: So weird! BUT something I will researching once I finish this post is .... My poor OH wanted to :sex: last night so that's where we ended up BUT it hurt horrible bad, I wanted to stop ... felt like he was thrusting a knife in me! UGH!! It was terrible.... We didn't do anything differently so I am baffled .. I checked for any bleeding, cuz I just KNEW there would be some, but none..... I never told him that it hurt but afterwards I asked him if it felt different, he said yes.. Like I was very swollen ... ???? TMI TMI TMI TMI ... :blush: I still feel crampy but better this morning .. :shrug: Have you all heard of this??? :shrug:
> 
> Ok,,, Sooooo online research full steam ahead...:thumbup:
> 
> Collie- hahahaha .... I'll be testing probably as soon as Fri on.. I really wanna wait as long as possible, heck I'd even be happy waiting til SUnday... We'll see!!! :winkwink:
> 
> Good Luck ladies!!!!! :happydance:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> And keep me posted with how everyone is feeling!!!!! :winkwink:

Hi Kam, Sorry missed this bit - could it be you were tensing up? That can make it hurt. But... when pregnant the blood flow to the vagina increases and can give it a purplish tinge and swell it a little. I know I always felt a bit swollen down there when I was carrying the twins, though I can't remember how early it started. Hoping it's a positive sign. This symptom spotting makes you nuts, doesn't it?! :wacko:

AFM, I still feel hungover! Dry-as mouth and sore all over. Woke up in the middle of the night for no reason last night and couldn't sleep (but that sometimes happens since the loss anyway), went back to sleep and had a really vivid dream, nothing baby related though, quite a creepy one. Feel soooo tired but I was awake half the night so no surprise there. I noticed the smell of the pine trees alot yesterday when we were cycling home from school but it had rained the night before and was windy so that can release the resin a bit more. heightened smell was a biggie last time, the lack of CM is still making me think no way hose though.


----------



## katie21188

Thankyou everyone for all the warm welcomes :hugs:

It's great to hear everyone TTC and hopefing won't be long ad we'll all be able to talk about how well our rainbow babies are doing at home :happydance:

Today is the day we start BDing haha sorry TMI :winkwink:


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Nikki!!! Crap this time difference is a killer isn't it..... Gonna have to google that to see exactly how much we are dealing with :haha:

Thanks for the tid bits about my question .... I don't THINK I was tense, heck I don't know tho... I was pretty lubed up, with all this wonderful gunk I'm having ... LOL... I'm still achey, exhausted but feeling pretty good at the moment :thumbup:

Where are you at in your cycle?? Ovualting? 2WW? Whatcha doing lady? :winkwink: Oh wait, are you in that lovely 2ww also??? Hmm, trying to remember.... LOL... If so, when are you testing??

Heck, everyone that is in this dreadful 2WW, when are y'all testing????

Hope everyone is doing well!! Missed y'all today, I had classes....blah, would have much rather stayed attached to BnB :happydance:


Xoxo


----------



## jojo23

hey girls i have my first scan today just popped over to ask you all to say a little prayer for me!!! im so nervous but know you ladies would understand...hope you are all well xxxxxxxx


----------



## babesx3

Good luck jojo will be thinking and praying for u !! :hugs: I remember so well the first scans ..:( so so hard... keep calm... i used the bachs remedy spray to help with anxiaty... that and deep breathing and trying to distract myself.... thinking of you :HUGS:


----------



## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> hey girls i have my first scan today just popped over to ask you all to say a little prayer for me!!! im so nervous but know you ladies would understand...hope you are all well xxxxxxxx

good luck, let us know how it went when you get home.

how far along are you?

xx


----------



## ericacaca

Nikki_d72 said:


> Ericacaca, sorry I've only had the late loss so I don't know about that MC Q but I would say, I know it's next to impossible but try to think positively. I know exactly what you mean about only getting the bad bits, that thought came to me when I lost the boys as man, was I ill carrying them, then I felt really guilty and selfish for thinking that. it's true though, the thought of going through all that horrid bit again fills me with a wee bit of dread. Ah, it'll be worth it in the end. Keep your mind on the end result and celebrate the yukkyness!
> 
> The thing I think is, I felt bad the last time for not celebrating them enough, then I lost them - I was too focussed on the birth and I also didn't know for sure I was carrying twins till they were in trouble as I declined the nuchal U/S, so never got to say "OMG it's twins!" even though I had a gut feeling, so if I ever get pregnant again I'm going to try to force myself to take a moment each day to celebrate the life inside me and think positive, happy thoughts, so that even if it does go wrong again I know I've given my love over to the new life for the time I was pregnant. Now I know that sounds wierd and will very much be a forced thing at the start, as I know I'll be terrified as well (if i ever get that far) so will feel really fake but I'm hoping that over time it will help me relax and enjoy at least one wee bit every day. The rest of the day I'll no doubt be a worrying mess! It's very easy for me sitting my non-pregnant butt in this chair to say that of course but I'm going to try. I hope you can find a little peace and a little voice that says "it's going to be OK". Congrats on your pregnancy, I'm very excited for you! xxx

Thanks Nikki. I do try to be positive, its just that with previous experience I'm very very very apprehensive about getting too confident that all will be ok. We heard Baby's heartbeat only 2 days before she died and at almost 18 weeks we kinda thought that was a good sign and started really getting excited.... but then boom it kinda all went splat in our faces! I was really ill/tired/food aversions right up until 16 weeks with our little girl... and although every pregnancy is different I know I'm going to be worried if they stop before that. Don't get me wrong - we are excited. And we are praying like crazy that we'll meet this little one in June. 

We went to the doctors yesterday to be signed on for a booking appointment with the midwife - seeing her next Friday to fill in all the forms etc. I was given my Maternity notes folder yesterday too - which has really made it real. Doctor has also referred me to get a scan. So all is moving along quite well. My booking appointment is later than last time - I'll be 8 weeks (last time I was only 6 weeks)... so the wait for the scan might seem a little less time to wait God willing. The next hurdle is to try and come up with excuses to go to these appointments without telling work just yet... I'm a teacher and only just started this job in September and I really don't want to let them know if things don't work out again..... :sigh:

Just like you... I feel more ickky in the evenings, but do feel eeky in the morning too, especially after I brush my teeth! And I see you're Scottish but living in New Zealand... how is that for you? Is the hospital care different? 

JoJo - really praying that you have a positive time at the scan and all is well. 

xxx


----------



## ericacaca

babesx3 said:


> Good luck jojo will be thinking and praying for u !! :hugs: I remember so well the first scans ..:( so so hard... keep calm... i used the bachs remedy spray to help with anxiaty... that and deep breathing and trying to distract myself.... thinking of you :HUGS:

Oooh Bach's Remedy Spray - theres an idea! Only trouble is it makes me feel drunk! Haha, not a good mixture with the sicky feeling! Than again, maybe the drunk feeling might make it all a bit more fun xxx


----------



## babesx3

lol, perhaps that s why i liked it..blush...
i used to get so worked up about scans....

for the same reason.. i'd heard his hb at 17 weeks all fine then bam i went for a scan and he was gone....stays with u doesn't it....

i did find the scans got easier as baby started nmoving though!! xxx


----------



## ericacaca

babesx3 said:


> for the same reason.. i'd heard his hb at 17 weeks all fine then bam i went for a scan and he was gone....stays with u doesn't it....

It really does stay with you. We went into the maternity ward though pretty much every other day before she went and because her heart was beating they saw no need to do a scan. It was horrific to see a membrame at home before I was zoomed into hospital again.... and then they did a scan when they couldnt find a heart beat, just 2 days later.... I can't fault the doctors though - they did all they can from what they could see at the time - must be really hard not being able to know exactly whats going on if an infection isnt seen in time. 

xxx


----------



## babesx3

hugs xxxx i struggled big time going past 18 weeks, thankfully hayden kicked lots from then on till he went quiet at the end sending me ceazy again....

u know i just opened my post to a mothercare booklet on my 9 month old...jeez i wish they wouldn;t send these constant reminders.....
i will prob get a 4 month old booklet next week.. ..


----------



## ericacaca

babesx3 said:


> hugs xxxx i struggled big time going past 18 weeks, thankfully hayden kicked lots from then on till he went quiet at the end sending me ceazy again....
> 
> u know i just opened my post to a mothercare booklet on my 9 month old...jeez i wish they wouldn;t send these constant reminders.....
> i will prob get a 4 month old booklet next week.. ..


Mothercare are sending them to us too... too bad I forgot to give them our new address! :winkwink:


----------



## babesx3

lol...good plan!!!! i did stop the email ones...
we have our house up for sale atm..so may just forget to tell them too!!!


----------



## Andypanda6570

I know how you feel, I am so scared of getting pregnant. I heard Ava's heartbeat at 7 weeks, it was 192 :cry::cry::cry: The doc said it was rare to hear it that early but a good sign. All her sonograms were good, her heartbeat was 170 so strong. My Nuchal measurements were good, then I went for Amnio and she was gone :cry::cry::cry: I am just so scared and if it happens again to me I don't know what i will do. It is a chance we all are taking, but the odds are in our favor I feel and for me not to try would be worse.
I wish you all the best, you all mean SOooo very much to me..
XOOXOXXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

ericacaca said:


> I mean, I'm 7 weeks today... its still early days. But I'm now more aware that miscarriages do happen, although my first time was a late one at 18 weeks (so all I got was 4 months of nausea, sickness, tiredness, illness and nothing else). I'm really sorry for asking this though ladies but if you had an early miscarriage (up to 12 weeks) then did you still have full on symptoms until the bad day happened? It just all seems so unfair.
> 
> Sorry ladies, I'm not normally this negative. Just having a moment! xxx

My first pregnancy ended in an early miscarriage. I thought I was 8 weeks when it happened but on an early scan I was only measuring about 5 weeks. But I didn't have any pregnancy symptoms apart from sore boobs so although the symptoms aren't fun I think they're a good sign.

Got my fingers crossed that you have a h&h 9 months xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Good afternoon girls :wave: How are well today? 

Kelly those all sound like great symptoms! I have everything crossed for you! Are you testing from tomorrow or holding off? 

Andrea getting close to O day :happydance: Hopfeully the OPKs will make all the difference this time and you will have a preggo eggo soon! :headspin:

Jojo good luck at the scan :hugs: Let us know how it went! 

Katie have fun with the BDing :winkwink: 

Well I am 6dpo today and still no real symptoms :shrug: So nothing to symptom spot! LOL! I did test again this morning, and I swear there was a shadow of a line. I know I'm insane and I should just wait but I couldnt help it :rofl: I guess we shall see in a few days time!


----------



## ericacaca

collie_crazy said:


> Well I am 6dpo today and still no real symptoms :shrug: So nothing to symptom spot! LOL! I did test again this morning, and I swear there was a shadow of a line. I know I'm insane and I should just wait but I couldnt help it :rofl: I guess we shall see in a few days time!


Collie... I thought the same thing about the shadow of a line on our POAS. I left for work and hubby called me up to say that the line had gotten darker and darker. But I do remember over thinking and convincing myself that it was just an evapouration line.... all the best.... it sounds positive. 

xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Good afternoon girls :wave: How are well today?
> 
> Kelly those all sound like great symptoms! I have everything crossed for you! Are you testing from tomorrow or holding off?
> 
> Andrea getting close to O day :happydance: Hopfeully the OPKs will make all the difference this time and you will have a preggo eggo soon! :headspin:
> 
> Jojo good luck at the scan :hugs: Let us know how it went!
> 
> Katie have fun with the BDing :winkwink:
> 
> Well I am 6dpo today and still no real symptoms :shrug: So nothing to symptom spot! LOL! I did test again this morning, and I swear there was a shadow of a line. I know I'm insane and I should just wait but I couldnt help it :rofl: I guess we shall see in a few days time!

 Preggo Eggo...LOL :rofl::rofl: That saying is so cute.. Thanks so much for your encouragement XOXOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## katie21188

I heard our girls heartbeat the morning I went into labour and also saw them on the scan that day to :cry: and then I had them the next morning. Your right it does stay with you.


----------



## KamIAm

:winkwink: Helloooooo Friends!!! :hugs:

How is everyone today?? Happy Humping?? :winkwink: 

Collie~ Your hilarious girl!! :rofl: No, I haven't tested YET.... and yes, I am going COO COO ..:wacko: I am still having CM (same amount) , cramping and sooo tired BUT I have been super busy :laundry: :dishes: :book: so that is helping keeping my mind from racing, trust me, it's still racing a bit but not obsessing AT THE MOMENT... :winkwink: You know that will change LOL!!:haha:

Andy~ One more day til the big "O"!!!! :happydance: "get it girl!!" :happydance: I have a feeling your gonna have to be teaching me how to use a opk :winkwink: LOL ..

Mhazzab~ How in the heck have you been?? I have been thinking about ya.. Momma and baby doing and feeling OK?? :hugs:

Miss hearing from SarahJane... Has anyone heard from her?? Haven't seen her post anything in a bit, hope she's just busy :flower:

JoJo is having a scan done today??? Oooo! can't wait to hear!!!! :happydance: She gets to hear her baby's heartbeat and take a peek, sooo exciting!

Katie~ Good Luck Baby Makin' ~ :happydance: ..... I also had the previledge in seeing my Emma before she was delivered, just 6 hours before she was born.. she was alive, healthy...beautiful... As I looked at her, knowing she would be born soon and knew she wouldn't make it... Yes, those images and moments stay with you..... Treasures.... Big Hugs Sweets :hugs:

Erica~ Congrats on your lil blessing!!!:happydance: Please keep us posted how you and baby is doing!!! Love updates!!! :winkwink: :happydance:

Well.... I'm great!! Just hanging out til next week seeing what we get this time... AF or Baby .... 

Nope, and I haven't tested yet... The obsessing has slowed down a bit, sooo we'll see how long... I definately don't wanna test before Sunday, I think it would be a waste, too early?? :shrug:

Anywho.... Love y'all and prayers for gentle, kind days ahead.... Keep me posted and oh yea, if ya need me outside of here you can send me a private message and I'll send ya my email or facebook info or something :winkwink:


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Well I am 6dpo today and still no real symptoms :shrug: So nothing to symptom spot! LOL! I did test again this morning, and I swear there was a shadow of a line. I know I'm insane and I should just wait but I couldnt help it :rofl: I guess we shall see in a few days time!

If I remember rightly, you got an early BFP with Emily. If it helps, my initial symptoms showed up later this time than last, and I didn't get my BFP till later. Last time by 7dpo I was almost 100% certain I was pregnant as I already had the sore boobs and increased CM for days, this time at 10dpo I was very surprised to see a BFP, boobs had only been a little bit tender for a couple of days. I suppose it depends how quickly implantation happens? Surprisingly, I saw a teeny tiny shadow of a line on an IC which I really doubted was there, but the less sensitive CB digi showed pregnant.

Although the initial symptoms started later this time, the tiredness / nausea has started much earlier.

can't wait to see tomorrow's update from you!

xx


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Mhazzab~ How in the heck have you been?? I have been thinking about ya.. Momma and baby doing and feeling OK?? :hugs:

as far as I know, the little 'un is doing good...my boobs are growing, areolas are HUGE, :haha: , TMI lol, I wanna puke all the time and if it's not that, then I wanna sleep. Oh, and my belly is big, but at 5 weeks, I think its more a combination of previous baby belly plus bloat, rather than growing baby, but I like it! So I'm taking all that as good signs! Time is going waaaaaay to slow though, but I know its the same in the 2WW. Maybe we could get together and invent a time-speeding-up device??

xx


----------



## MummyStobe

Hi girlies

I'm sick in bed today, spent the morning throwing up which promted the question "are you pregnant" from DH! Seeing as I'm only on cd15 and not had any signs of ovulation yet (always get very obvious change in cm) I highly doubt it and unless my mum and sis are also expecting my money is on a bug from my nephew seeing as he has been off colour all week and I've felt rotten since spending Tuesday with him.

Gonna have to lay of :sex: today so hoping I'm feeling better tomorrow and we don't miss the big O!

Keeping all my fingers crossed for all of you currently in the 2ww. :dust:


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> Hi girlies
> 
> I'm sick in bed today, spent the morning throwing up which promted the question "are you pregnant" from DH! Seeing as I'm only on cd15 and not had any signs of ovulation yet (always get very obvious change in cm) I highly doubt it and unless my mum and sis are also expecting my money is on a bug from my nephew seeing as he has been off colour all week and I've felt rotten since spending Tuesday with him.
> 
> Gonna have to lay of :sex: today so hoping I'm feeling better tomorrow and we don't miss the big O!
> 
> Keeping all my fingers crossed for all of you currently in the 2ww. :dust:

oh no! poor you, take it easy and look after yourself today, keep your strength to get back on it tomorrow :haha:. I'm sure you will be fine just missing out one day, if you are sick, it might delay O anyway
hope you feel better soon xxx


----------



## KamIAm

MummyStobe~ Aww, hate to hear your feeling icky...wish it was baby icky LOL :winkwink: .. You rest tons today sooo you can get back on "the horse" so to speak :haha:

Mhazzab~ great to hear from you hon' ... Sooo glad you are doing great! :happydance: Counting down the days!!! :happydance: And you get plenty of rest too lil missy... :flower: .... :hugs:

I can't wait to read Collie Crazy's next post... Hoping she's tested and she gets her bfp!! :happydance:


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## jojo23

hey girls so was a little disappointed at scan they dated me at 6 weeks :( thought i was about 8 lol but my cycles were so crazy that i really had no idea. saw a small little flutter but other than that nothing...they pointed out the pregnancy and yolk sack but bubs is too small to see yet! back the 14th november to get a proper idea of dates etc so ill be a worrying wreck until then will need all your support girls xxxxxxxxxxx


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## KamIAm

JoJo! Your back from your scan!! :happydance::happydance:

Awww, your lil bundle is only 6 weeks old, super tiny & perfect.... Keep your chin up Hon' ... I know time WILL drag but we'll be here for you, always! I am so excited you got to see some fluttering!! :kiss: Sooo sweet... You get plenty of rest and grow that beautiful baby! :hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

jojo23 said:


> hey girls so was a little disappointed at scan they dated me at 6 weeks :( thought i was about 8 lol but my cycles were so crazy that i really had no idea. saw a small little flutter but other than that nothing...they pointed out the pregnancy and yolk sack but bubs is too small to see yet! back the 14th november to get a proper idea of dates etc so ill be a worrying wreck until then will need all your support girls xxxxxxxxxxx

Wow, well done for getting through it all though... and on the plus side you get more chances to see your lovely little bean. No matter how many weeks they are... they are there and fluttering about. Thinking happy thoughts :happydance:


----------



## jojo23

thanks girls, you have all been such wonderful support i cant thank you enough!!! it makes my journey so much easier knowing i can come on here and say anything! so glad of you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## ericacaca

Another question ladies... I'm 7 weeks and having a pain just on my pubic (?) bone when I try to get up from sitting sometimes... do you think this is ok? I think its just growing pains, theres no cramping or anything... 

Grrrr.... little things are just panicking me! x


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls so was a little disappointed at scan they dated me at 6 weeks :( thought i was about 8 lol but my cycles were so crazy that i really had no idea. saw a small little flutter but other than that nothing...they pointed out the pregnancy and yolk sack but bubs is too small to see yet! back the 14th november to get a proper idea of dates etc so ill be a worrying wreck until then will need all your support girls xxxxxxxxxxx

You have all our support, I ma just so happy for you. I am thinking of you always and sending love and positive thoughts..XOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


ericacaca said:


> Another question ladies... I'm 7 weeks and having a pain just on my pubic (?) bone when I try to get up from sitting sometimes... do you think this is ok? I think its just growing pains, theres no cramping or anything...
> 
> Grrrr.... little things are just panicking me! x

I think you are fine, I got AF pains for like 12 weeks. Little twinge here and there is normal, you are ok . No blood or nothing you are fine.... I know everything will be ok..XOOXO Thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> :
> 
> if ya need me outside of here you can send me a private message and I'll send ya my email or facebook info or something :winkwink:

that goes for me too...happy to talk to anyone by email, or facebook (I'll keep your secrets if you keep mine!! :winkwink:) xx


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## Nikki_d72

Aw MummyStobe, so sorry you are feeling yuk! I hope you rest up ready for some action tommorrow!

Jojo, happy you got through your scan and fluttering is great! I hope time stops dragging so much for you.

Ericacaca I'm not sure, it is probably just your ligaments stretching, I got loads of that last time in the first few weeks too. There is a big tough ligament that joins the two halves of your pelvic bone together and the hormone relaxin loosens it, which can sometimes cause the two halves of the bone move around a bit. I also got lots of general cramping, twinges and all sorts last time early too. Is your pee normal?

Mhazzab, glad your feeling yuk! All good, hehe. 

Andypanda, hope you're limbering up, hehe.

Kam, any new symptoms? 

How's everyone else today? (night, for you)

AFM, I'm waking up earlier and earlier, last night was 2am. Had to pee but I was drinking pints and pints of water at work in the evening, as I feel so dehydrated, so it probably was just the backlog, so to speak! I still have a really dry mouth and was getting some quite sharp pains and twinges on my left side last night. I had a really snotty nose this morning (always a good sign for me) but it's gone, booo! Two days till AF is due (Sun), really hoping she doesn't show but I doubt it, I had a bloodhound's sense of smell by this time, last time.


xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Nikki!!!

I am hoping, and crossing everything I can cross for you.... NO AF!!! :af: Don't think your out just yet... Hold on babe :winkwink: I know pregnancies can differ..a lot actually... Sooo I'm still voting for PUPO!!! :happydance: Man, I love that term! :haha:

I'm good today.... Still having increased amount of CM, still sleepy and achey BUT nothing new :shrug: I have forever til AF is due... Around November 4th.. Yep, FOREVER ...:wacko:

OH, and NOPE still haven't tested... I have actually been keeping myself pretty busy sooo less time to obsess :haha:... Now, tomorrow....well see! :thumbup:

:dust::dust::dust:


----------



## collie_crazy

:wave: Hello girls! :coffee: nearly 12am here and I'm just back from the theatre - went to see Dirty Dancing with my mum and wee sis. Was nice to have a 'nice' night out... 

MummyStobe... I hope you are feeling better soon :hugs: I felt a bit off colour the other day in work but was terrified of saying ' I feel sick ' incase someone said to me ' Are you pregnant' I think I would have punched them :haha:

Mhazzab so glad you are feeling OK... You know something I am actually looking forward to the tiredness and sickness, does that make me crazy? :rofl: My boobies never got bigger last time so I'm hoping for that this time too :blush: Your right I did get a BFP at 6dpo with Emily and that has made me worse for testing this time! But I need to remember things happen differently everytime! 

And Kelly you have way more patience than me! I am still obsessed! LOL! :wacko:

Hmm... OK so I dont have anymore symptoms really. Had a bit of cramping pains throughout today which sort of feels like AF is on the way :cry: 

And yesterday and today I have been super emotional - but those are also AF symptoms! I started crying for no reason at all and couldn't explain why I was upset to OH, he thought I had been thinking about Emily which I hadnt really I was just upset for upset sake! Crazy lady! Then today my pup knocked over the bin that was so full and got all the rubbish (garbage for the Americans) all over the place and I burst into tears again! :dohh:

You can all add me on facebook if you like... No-one knows I am TTC on there either so hush :winkwink:


----------



## KamIAm

Collie Crazy! You late lil bird! :haha: Well it is only 6pm here, cooking dinner ...

How was the therater/movie?? Love that one, can't ever see it enough LOL :winkwink: 

Ok... I think this month isn't gonna be MY month ... :shrug: .... I checked my cervical position (which some say isn't accurate but heck I've been checking everything LOL).... My cervix is drastically changed! It's very low and firmer/harder tonight ... Hmm, doesn't sound good ....:shrug:

I am surprisingly not devastated... Just know IF it's meant to be, it will be..if not i'm ok too.... So, guess we'll see what happens :thumbup:

Yes, look me up on facebook too BUT no one on there knows we're trying again sooo mums the word here as well :happydance:

Hope everyone else is doing great!!!! 

Mhairi~ oh yea, thanks for the add on facebook..... Your beautiful by the way :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Kam, my cervix dropped low and hard last time I was pregnant on 12DPO and I was sure I was out, it didn't move up high again until about 18 weeks, which in hindsight may have been a sign of it changing. Anyway, it doesn't mean you're out, stop poking about in there, girl! Everything crossed xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Can't help myself ....... :blush: hahahahaha ... Learn something new and man, I just go for it don't I .... :rofl::rofl:

Hmmm.... OK OK ... I'll keep my finger out of it! :winkwink:

You noticed CP changes when you was preg?? Hmm?? OK, THen I'll test... Fine, fine,.... If you must twist my arm .... :thumbup: Hahahaha :haha:

So, You know where to find me .... POAS tomorrow morning... About 6am... Which for some of you (Nikki) it will be about your bedtime , I think LOL.... Poopy.... 

I'm sure it will show Negative, since I'll only be 7 dpo BUT we'll see... Won't count me down and out til' AF shows ... :happydance::happydance:

Hope you all are doing great! Keep me posted with your symptoms and such! :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

< ----- Check out my new avatar!!!!! :winkwink: :haha:

Oh My Lord!!!! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

Sorry, seen this just now and had to share LOL!!!!! :dohh:


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## Nikki_d72

Hahaha, that's brilliant!


----------



## katie21188

Glad to hear everyone is going well  I'll keep use posted at my progress and don't give up ladies, our rainbows are just around the corner


----------



## winterwonder

KamIam - it took me awhile to figure out what your avatar was (its early here as i have work soon) Thats hilarious, and also just a lil weird! lol

I hope everyone is well, i'm sure the way everyones going they'll be rainbow babies in no time! xxx


----------



## babesx3

Loving checking in on you ladies!! :cloud9: has a lovely happy feeling in here despite the reasons :hugs:
:dust: to all can't wait to hear about your BFP's!!!! :)
:dust:


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## jojo23

hey girls would love to see some of you on facebook!!! joelene19 is my username but no one knows im pregnant so PLEASE dont say anything lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MummyStobe

Yay I'm feeling better - must've been a 24hr bug - time to get eating again, I'm absolutely starving!


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## mhazzab

Good morning everyone (or evening, lol!)

okay, here goes!

jojo...sorry your dates got pushed back, that sucks :( glad everything looked good on the scan though, yay! And you should see a lovely wiggly bean with heartbeat next time :) I'm 5 weeks today so sounds like I am a week behind you - I'm here if you ever want someone to talk to.

Mummystobe - glad you are feeling better today, now you can get down to business again, lol!

Kelly, thank you I was gonna say the same to you, you are one hot mama! I wanna hear your POAS news ASAP!

Collie...still got my fingers crossed for you, Nikki too!

babesx3 - it does have a nice feel in here doesn't it? despite the horrible reasons we are all here.

To everyone else awaiting O - hope you are having fun! And if you are in the 2WW...let us know your symptoms!

Sorry if I have missed anyone, only went back a page!

xxx


----------



## ericacaca

Andypanda6570;13637420thoughts..XOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
[quote="ericacaca said:


> I think you are fine, I got AF pains for like 12 weeks. Little twinge here and there is normal, you are ok . No blood or nothing you are fine.... I know everything will be ok..XOOXO Thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


Thanks Andy, your post just made me cry :hugs:


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## mhazzab

ericacaca said:


> Andypanda6570;13637420thoughts..XOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> [quote="ericacaca said:
> 
> 
> I think you are fine, I got AF pains for like 12 weeks. Little twinge here and there is normal, you are ok . No blood or nothing you are fine.... I know everything will be ok..XOOXO Thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> 
> Thanks Andy, your post just made me cry :hugs:Click to expand...

aha, i knew I had missed someone :dohh:

Ericacaca - I don't think we have really spoken before, but congrats on your pregnancy! I'm getting some weird feelings too every so often, but, I do remember getting it last time too, I suppose it's just the uterus stretching to make space for our little rainbows.

hope it's all going well for you xxx


----------



## collie_crazy

Thanks Kelly - yeah I love Dirty Dancing too :thumbup: But I had sort of forgotten the storyline where the female dancer is pregnant and gets an abortion - kind of caught my breath but I was ok. 

Glad you are feeling better MummyStobe :hugs: Time for some :sex: ? 

PS I love the new avatar Kelly :haha:

7dpo now and I resisted the urge to test :yipee:

:dust: Dust to us all :dust:


----------



## ericacaca

mhazzab said:


> ericacaca said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Andypanda6570;13637420thoughts..XOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> [quote="ericacaca said:
> 
> 
> I think you are fine, I got AF pains for like 12 weeks. Little twinge here and there is normal, you are ok . No blood or nothing you are fine.... I know everything will be ok..XOOXO Thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> 
> Thanks Andy, your post just made me cry :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> aha, i knew I had missed someone :dohh:
> 
> Ericacaca - I don't think we have really spoken before, but congrats on your pregnancy! I'm getting some weird feelings too every so often, but, I do remember getting it last time too, I suppose it's just the uterus stretching to make space for our little rainbows.
> 
> hope it's all going well for you xxxClick to expand...

Awhahah! No that wasnt a hint that I was forgotten honey :hugs: So much goes on here its hard to say everything to everyone that you want to.... especially the way my brain is working right now! And yeah, I guess its the uterus pushing and pulling about at the minute... Nice to chat to you on here xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Good Morning/Evening :flower:

Welp .... I tested.... I'm 7 dpo and got a :bfn: :shrug:

I have decided I will not be testing again unless my AF doesn't show... OK, I say that now but that is my plan .. :winkwink: Give me a few days and I'll be going crazy again ... :haha:

Kind of thinking, have this feeling, this isn't gonna be MY month ....

Collie, let us know your results if you start testing!!! :happydance:

Mhazzab & erica... Keep us posted with how you girls are feeling and what's going on, LOVE Details!!! :winkwink:

Andy, how much longer til you "O"???? Are you about a week away?

Nikki, where are you at in your cycle?? Geez, having a hard time keeping up with y'all ... :winkwink: :happydance: Your in the 2WW also right??

Jojo, I'll look you up!! And yes, everyone's secret mission is safe... As no one knows we are trying again either .... Zipping the lip :thumbup:

MummyStobe, Soooo glad you are feeling better! There is a icky 24hour bug going around here as well, kind of thinking that is what I had as well... :shrug:

Hope all is well!! :hugs: Can't wait to hear updates from you all! :hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

Ok Kam..... you wanted details! Lol! 

Its the last weekday of half term for me :-( Back to school and early mornings on Monday.... I've been sooooooo tired! The lie ins have been amazing. And the naps after lunchtime have been amazing too  

I have a sicky feeling most of the time. And as nice as it is when its not there I worry! Lol! I don't eat anything before I brush my teeth because I'm sure it'll come straight back up again! 

Meeting midwife on Friday. Doctor has requested a scan for us.... so the world of peeing in a bottle, blood pressure tests and blood tests starts! Woohoo! 

Hope you are all well ladies... I do read and think of you all xxx


----------



## KamIAm

erica... I'm soooo glad all is well! :happydance: Let us know how the scan goes :hugs: ... Yay, you get to see your lil peanut!!! :happydance::happydance:


----------



## jojo23

fingers crossed for you all ladies...kam keep testing, took me ages to get my bfp lol i just wasnt patient enough!!!!!!

erica cant wait to hear how everything goes for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## kiki04

Well I wanna jump in here too! I am not ttc yet but I started OPK's this month to start relearning my cycles since my d&c. They have been sooo erradic it is driving me crazy. I am on cd16 right now and still now +opk :dohh: Hopefully just a couple more months of this crap and I will be ready :thumbup:

Just need to get past my due date....next fri, nov 4 first, then xmas of knowing I should have a 1.5 month old baby celebrating with us :cry: Then after that brings me to about the time we conceived Hadlee, which lord knows I could not handle a due date about the same time.... and THEN I will be fully on board... itching so badly for a bfp. I wanted one a long time ago, but cuz it couldnt happen right away... these are milestones we need to bypass before ttc. 

Also OH needs to reverse his vasectomy now :cry: He had it done one month before we lost Hadlee as we were pg with #4. Nothing like this had ever happened to us before so we werent prepared. Our reversal consult is in 4 days and then we schedule the surgery and pass these milestones and then it is full on, temping/opk's/checking CM/ etc etc etc


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Kiki, I'm so glad he's going for the reversal, that's awesome! I know what you mean about waiting to get past all those dates, I had thought of that too, but at my age I just have to get on with it, I know I'm going to have to process a lot of stuff at the time of being pregnant, if I get pregnant, that is but I just don't have time to wait. I'm 39 and DD is nearly 9. I Just wanted to let you know I understand absolutely where you're coming from on that. It'll be good to know your cycles really well by then too.

MummyStobe, I;m glad you're feeeling better, on with the BD-ing!

Ericacaca, glad you're getting your scan, I hope it puts your mind at ease a little.

Glad all you pregnant ladies are here giving us updates, I'm so excited for you all.

Babesx3, yes, it is nice to have a bit of a positive vibe in here, despite the reason we're all here, I'm sure we'll be sharing our tears too sometimes, it's just great to go through all the ups and downs with you all. 

Kam, I'm 13DPO today, so testing tommorrow I think. The rubbish tests you get here I'm sure used to say were suitable up to 3 days before a missed period, but now they say "are sensitive enough to *usually* pick up enough hormone on the day of your missed period" Oh woop-te-doo, eh?! The early result ones work from about 10DPO, and this one *usually *works from 14DPO and they want a medal?! Bleh. Anyway, I still have that hungover feeling and a rotten taste in my mouth all the time that I can't shift and am a bit sneezy but still doubtful. I'm trying not to wind my self up but I am quite obsessed, really! It's impossible not to be, isn't it?!

much love, luck and :dust: to you all!


----------



## KamIAm

Nikki!!! Keep us posted!! :happydance::happydance:

Can't wait to hear results, sounding pretty dang good!!! :happydance:

I plan on not testing anymore until next week ... Soooo more hanging on from me... :winkwink:


----------



## ericacaca

Scan date came through this morning.... 

30th Novemember! :happydance:

Holding on till then! xxx


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, Sorry I havent been on in a couple of days. I had a wee read through the previous posts. 

Kam- I wouldn't really pay much notice to your cervix changing. I was looking at my chart on FF for the month we conceived Jakob and during the 2WW I noted that it was low and firm about 5 days before I got my BFP. Mine a few days ago was really high and soft but yesterday it was medium yet still soft. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Ericacaca- Delighted you got your scan date. :happydance:

Kiki- welcome. :hugs:

Nikki- goodluck with testing hun. :hugs:

Well girls I thought today was 3dpo but now I don't know at all. :wacko:
I have been using fertilityfriend and I've read that it puts in the crosshairs 3dpo but I put in my temp this morning and no crosshairs so I am kind of confused. Plus this morning I had a bit of a watery CM (TMI) & CP has lowered. It was very high a couple of days ago. 

We didn't BD yesterday but now I am thinking that we should keep it up for another couple of days. What do your girls think? Here is my chart if anyone wants to have a look. I have no clue about this charting stuff really. https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/index.php


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Well girls I thought today was 3dpo but now I don't know at all. :wacko:
> I have been using fertilityfriend and I've read that it puts in the crosshairs 3dpo but I put in my temp this morning and no crosshairs so I am kind of confused. Plus this morning I had a bit of a watery CM (TMI) & CP has lowered. It was very high a couple of days ago.
> 
> We didn't BD yesterday but now I am thinking that we should keep it up for another couple of days. What do your girls think? Here is my chart if anyone wants to have a look. I have no clue about this charting stuff really. https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/index.php

hehe, I clicked on the link, and was about to tell you that it was looking promising, but then realised the link took me to my chart, lol! So, not sure if you have entered the link right, or if it is just my weird computer? xx


----------



## mhazzab

ericacaca said:


> Scan date came through this morning....
> 
> 30th Novemember! :happydance:
> 
> Holding on till then! xxx

woohoo! :happydance:

xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Yazoo that link took me to my own chart too... :hugs: 

Nikki so excited for you! Let us know IMMEDIATELY :happydance:

Ok girls I need someone to bring me back down to earth please. So I didnt test yesterday and I wasnt going to today either (I have run out of IC's!) but I had held my urine for over 10 hours and thought it was too good to waste :haha: So I used a superdrug test which is only 10miu :thumbup: Well that was at 8am and I was still half asleep because I had only went to bed 6 hours before! So I looked at it at about the 2 minute mark in the dark, couldnt see anything and fell asleep. When I woke up again at 10am there is a line there! A faint line still but a line! But now I dont know if it came up in the time limit or if its an evap... but I've never had an evap on those tests before - last month even though I left them for days they still didnt bring up a line. 

Also! This morning I have been woken up since the wee small hours of the night with an incredibly itchy nose - like I want to claw it off my face and sneezing like a zillion times. Now I didnt think anything of it until I woke up properly and then I remembered that for the first few weeks in my pregnancy with Emily I had an itchy stuffy nose and sneezes! I thought back then it was just hayfever as it was March / April time so springtime - but I remember saying to OH that it was typical I hadnt had any hayfever right up until then and then the minute I cant take anti-hystamines I get hayfever... but I have just googled it (as you do) and there is something called Pregnancy Rhinitis which is common in early pregnancy and the symptoms are



> What are the Symptoms?
> 
> Like most such conditions, the symptoms vary from person to person. However, some of the most common symptoms of pregnancy rhinitis are:
> Stuffy nose (congestion)
> Constant sneezing and coughing
> Itchy nose
> Headache and stuffy feeling in sinus cavities

So now my mind is whirring away :happydance::haha::rofl::wacko::blush:


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Ok girls I need someone to bring me back down to earth please. So I didnt test yesterday and I wasnt going to today either (I have run out of IC's!) but I had held my urine for over 10 hours and thought it was too good to waste :haha: So I used a superdrug test which is only 10miu :thumbup: Well that was at 8am and I was still half asleep because I had only went to bed 6 hours before! So I looked at it at about the 2 minute mark in the dark, couldnt see anything and fell asleep. When I woke up again at 10am there is a line there! A faint line still but a line! But now I dont know if it came up in the time limit or if its an evap... but I've never had an evap on those tests before - last month even though I left them for days they still didnt bring up a line.
> 
> Also! This morning I have been woken up since the wee small hours of the night with an incredibly itchy nose - like I want to claw it off my face and sneezing like a zillion times. Now I didnt think anything of it until I woke up properly and then I remembered that for the first few weeks in my pregnancy with Emily I had an itchy stuffy nose and sneezes! I thought back then it was just hayfever as it was March / April time so springtime - but I remember saying to OH that it was typical I hadnt had any hayfever right up until then and then the minute I cant take anti-hystamines I get hayfever... but I have just googled it (as you do) and there is something called Pregnancy Rhinitis which is common in early pregnancy and the symptoms are
> 
> 
> 
> What are the Symptoms?
> 
> Like most such conditions, the symptoms vary from person to person. However, some of the most common symptoms of pregnancy rhinitis are:
> Stuffy nose (congestion)
> Constant sneezing and coughing
> Itchy nose
> Headache and stuffy feeling in sinus cavities
> 
> So now my mind is whirring away :happydance::haha::rofl::wacko::blush:Click to expand...

oh no how frustrating! um...I dunno what I can do to try and keep you on planet earth today! I was quite impressed that you didn't test yesterday! Maybe try and keep your pee in for ages, and test again later today? Lol. It's gonna be a loooong day!

I've got the stuffy nose thing going on at the moment too - it sucks!

xx


----------



## ericacaca

Collie... the same thing happened to us. We took a test like the one you did and there was a really faint line, but then it just got darker and darker later on that morning. I was convincing myself it was just an evapouration line. We took a digital test and BANG! A BFP! 

I've had an iffy day today. Kept looking at myself in the mirror and I'm sure my wobbly bits are starting to mould into a bump already! I lost 6 stone before we concieved our little girl last year, and then I put loads on again after losing her and it always kinda looks that I have a bump already... but the top part of my belly above my belly button which is the biggest has decided to kinda pop out more. 

I was dry heaving yet again this morning after brushing my teeth.... almost chucked something up... but not this time. And I forever have a dry throat and still feel sicky sicky sicky! The food aversions have started I think and all I can handle is fruit at the moment. At least that might help manage my weight a little bit. After all the weight gain I've gone from a BMI of 29 way up to 32 and I'm terrified what the midwife is going to say about that one. I put soooooo much weight on my bum after baby girl - I think it was all the breast milk fat being stored up and when it had noone to give it to it just stayed there! URGH! Plus the comfort eating I went through because of it all! Its just one viscious cycle! I hope she understands! Argh 

Sorry, enough of my rambling... have a lovely Saturday ladies. 

Erica xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Holy Crap Ladies.... I feel terrible (icky) again... :winkwink: I didn't sleep well AT ALL last night...Felt very uncomfortable, cramping, nausaus, just didn't feel right... And this was sudden, It woke me up at 2am (felt starving too) and stayed away for 2 hours... :shrug: My tummy still doesnt feel right and I have a headache... Hmmm??? I pretty much had myself convinced AGAIN that I wasn't preg but NOW here I go again.... :happydance:

I ran out of tests or I would have tested this morning, but I'll be buying more today.... :happydance:

Colle~ To me, It sounds GREAT!!! :happydance: Girl, POAS again, the next morning!!! :winkwink: Can't wait to hear :happydance:

Yay!!! Erica, can't wait til your scan!!!! Get to peek at your lil one! :hugs:

Mhairi, hope your feeling well.... :flower: :hugs: Any knew symptoms to report? lol :winkwink:

How is everyone else??

Nikki better log in here SOON with results... :happydance: :haha: Heck, guess I better go back a few pages, she might have already posted since time difference is HUGE LOL... :haha:

You all have a wonderful day!!!! :hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Ugh feeling so nauseous today but not sure if it's just from nerves LOL! Had loads of CM as well hmmmm


----------



## ericacaca

collie_crazy said:


> Ugh feeling so nauseous today but not sure if it's just from nerves LOL! Had loads of CM as well hmmmm

GO GET A CLEAR BLUE DIGITAL! xxxxx


----------



## yazoo

Oh LOL I'll try and see if I can put up my chart somehow. 
Collie & Kam- It sounds good for you too. I really hope you get your BFPs. 

Erica- don't worry about the midwife. You done great for losing them 6 stones in the first place and you were grieving so I am sure the midwife won't be too hard on you for putting back on weight. While I was pregnant with Jakob it was the top part of my tummy that grew hard first also which is weird coz baby isn't high up early on.


----------



## yazoo

Ok girls. I managed to get my chart up. Its in my siggy. :thumbup:


----------



## ericacaca

yazoo said:


> Oh LOL I'll try and see if I can put up my chart somehow.
> Collie & Kam- It sounds good for you too. I really hope you get your BFPs.
> 
> Erica- don't worry about the midwife. You done great for losing them 6 stones in the first place and you were grieving so I am sure the midwife won't be too hard on you for putting back on weight. While I was pregnant with Jakob it was the top part of my tummy that grew hard first also which is weird coz baby isn't high up early on.

Thanks there Yazoo.... my Auntie swears that if yuo put weight on that top part of your tummy its down to hormones! I've been quite a hormonal girl all my life.... I'm a UK 16-18 at the moment.... when smaller a small 16.... but thats only down to the bump like shape I have on my tummy already. Trying maternity clothes on today and I'm a size 14, tight 12! Hilarious! x


----------



## KamIAm

Ok ... :shrug:

I have notice today and yesterday a decrease in the amount of Cm....??? Is that bad??? I am still feeling icky, nausea has set it .. Blah

Wondering if it's nerves as well Collie ... I'm gonna try to hold of on testing til at leaset Monday, I'll be 10 dpo then....


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hey girls, its 6:20 am here and I woke up so tested and.... BFN, poo. 

Collie, a rise in progesterone causes extra mucus, either down below and/or in your nose. The snotty thing is a definite indication for me, I got it all the time when I was pregnant and also when I was on depo shots years ago - it drove me nuts! So looks promising. I alsoo notice I get around OV as well. 

Erica, I hear you on the wieght gain, I put on an absolute heap as well, except I hadn't lost the 6 stone to begin with... You'll be fine, MW says anything, give her a slap! That wee bubba will suck it all out of you again!

Kam, sounds good.

Right I'm going back to bed in a huff, have friends arriving today from out of town so I'll need to get on with the cleaning, so will probably check in again tonight after work, which will be morning for most of you. GL all! xxx


----------



## yazoo

I'm sorry you got a BFN Nikki but don't give up babe, you can test again. 

Kam I don't think a decrease in CM is a bad sign. 

Girls I have a question. My friend wants me to go to her house for drinks tonight but I don't know. For starters I haven't done anything like that since Jakob was born and I am still feeling a little bid odd. lol. Plus I read somewhere that drinking alcohol can affect implantation. Its the latter I am worried about. I assume I have ovulated by now and if a little eggy has been fertilised I would hate to ruin it by drinking. What would you girls do?


----------



## ericacaca

Kam, CM comes and goes, comes and goes. Just make sure you drink lots of water. I have no idea why thats going to help - but drinking water is meant to be good for you isnt it? Haha! And feeling icky? Thats a good sign that hormones are running around like crazy! I'm a bit bemused that with little girl I was spotting around this point and I've had nothing like that this time round which is amazing! And the ickiness isnt as bad when my tummy has something in it at the mo - are you feeling that too?


----------



## ericacaca

yazoo said:


> I'm sorry you got a BFN Nikki but don't give up babe, you can test again.
> 
> Kam I don't think a decrease in CM is a bad sign.
> 
> Girls I have a question. My friend wants me to go to her house for drinks tonight but I don't know. For starters I haven't done anything like that since Jakob was born and I am still feeling a little bid odd. lol. Plus I read somewhere that drinking alcohol can affect implantation. Its the latter I am worried about. I assume I have ovulated by now and if a little eggy has been fertilised I would hate to ruin it by drinking. What would you girls do?

Gosh if thats the case then I should have been in trouble! We had a house warming party and I drank sooooooooo much wine that night! The implantation bleed came later on in the week.... so ummmmm, hoping for the best.

But in all fairness, if you think about it there are alcoholics and drug addicts in this world and they are able to have amazingly healthy babies despite their unhealthy lifestyles - I can't see how a few glasses of wine will definately turn our baby into a mutant! I know it sounds awful, but what will be will be, and if anything is wrong with our baby I doubt I'll blame it on the alcohol I drank on the night of 1st October! But now you've made me think about it (eek) xxx


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> I'm sorry you got a BFN Nikki but don't give up babe, you can test again.
> 
> Kam I don't think a decrease in CM is a bad sign.
> 
> Girls I have a question. My friend wants me to go to her house for drinks tonight but I don't know. For starters I haven't done anything like that since Jakob was born and I am still feeling a little bid odd. lol. Plus I read somewhere that drinking alcohol can affect implantation. Its the latter I am worried about. I assume I have ovulated by now and if a little eggy has been fertilised I would hate to ruin it by drinking. What would you girls do?

Yazoo, I wouldnt have thought that having a few drinks could affect implantation, but I'm no expert.
I haven't had a drink since January, when I found out I was pregnant with the twins. When I lost them, it just didn't feel right drinking again, and I didn't really have a taste for it anyway. You could tell your friend that you don't feel up to it, or that you have just lost the taste for it? You could still go round there anyway, and have soft drinks. But, if you do want a drink, im sure it will be fine Xx


----------



## yazoo

Oh no hun I didn't mean it that way. Don't you be feeling bad. What I was reading was that alcohol can cause an egg not to implant. 
Drinking alcohol in the 2WW definitely won't effect the baby as baby is not sharing your blood supply then so don't you go worrying. Your baby is well and truly implanted and is just fine. What I ment was would drinking cause the egg not to implant. 
I'm sorry for opening my big gob. I don't want you worrying unnecessarily. With my daughter I didn't know I was pregnant for a couple of months and I was drinking away and she was a big healthy 8lb 6 oz baby. I'm sorry.


----------



## mhazzab

Nikki - that sucks you got a bfn this morning, it's not over yet though. Didn't you get a late bfp with the boys? Hugs x


----------



## yazoo

Yeah I don't feel right doing anything either Mhairi. Like yesterday was my birthday and I did not want to celebrate. The way I was thinking was that I should be pregnant now & I wouldnt be doing anything for my birthday apart from having a nice day with my family so why should I do anything different because I am not pregnant. It just didn't seem right. Oh and I was told by a friend yesterday when I said that that maybe I should see my GP if I am still feeling like this. Why because I am grieving my baby and don't want to celebrate. Its only been 11 weeks like. Anyway thats a whole other story btu I was bloody pissed.


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Yeah I don't feel right doing anything either Mhairi. Like yesterday was my birthday and I did not want to celebrate. The way I was thinking was that I should be pregnant now & I wouldnt be doing anything for my birthday apart from having a nice day with my family so why should I do anything different because I am not pregnant. It just didn't seem right. Oh and I was told by a friend yesterday when I said that that maybe I should see my GP if I am still feeling like this. Why because I am grieving my baby and don't want to celebrate. Its only been 11 weeks like. Anyway thats a whole other story btu I was bloody pissed.

I feel exactly the same. we lost a child thats not something you get over easy despite what other people might think. The way i see it, do whatever feels comfortable to you, screw what other people think or say. The only person I would listen to if they said they thought I had a problem, would be my husband, as he has been through this too, and sees me at my best and worst. Xx


----------



## MummyStobe

Well based on my cycle and the change in CM, yesterday was the big O day! So I guess that officially puts me in the 2ww too! But I've decide I'm going to pretend I'm not! I'm just going to ignore it or I'll go insane and because I'm so...ahem...horny :blush: at the moment I'm just going to keep on :sex: and I'm only going to POAS if AF doesn't show up (due 9th Nov - gosh that sounds ages off).

Ok lets see how long that plan actually lasts! :lol:

Kam - how are you coping with waiting to POAS again? Still got my fingers crossed for a BFP for you.

Collie - all the signs are looking good. Go and POA(digital)S and let us all know. Holding my breath waiting for news from you. Keeping everything crossed for some good news.

Nikki - sorry you got a BFN. How many DPO are you? Keep your chin up, still a chance for a BFP if you've tested too early.

Yazoo - not sure about the alcohol thing, I gave up drinking last year when we started trying and have just given up again after too much :wine: last weekend and a killer hangover. Also thought it for the best now that we are ttc again.

Jojo - so pleased you got so see your little fluttering bean and you have a date to go and see him/her again

Mhazzab - hope you are keeping well hun

Erica - If I haven't already said it, congratulations on your pregnancy. You must be so excited to have your scan date. Hope you are keeping well.

Hope everyone has had/is having/will have a good Saturday x


----------



## ericacaca

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hey girls, its 6:20 am here and I woke up so tested and.... BFN, poo.
> 
> Collie, a rise in progesterone causes extra mucus, either down below and/or in your nose. The snotty thing is a definite indication for me, I got it all the time when I was pregnant and also when I was on depo shots years ago - it drove me nuts! So looks promising. I alsoo notice I get around OV as well.
> 
> Erica, I hear you on the wieght gain, I put on an absolute heap as well, except I hadn't lost the 6 stone to begin with... You'll be fine, MW says anything, give her a slap! That wee bubba will suck it all out of you again!
> 
> Kam, sounds good.
> 
> Right I'm going back to bed in a huff, have friends arriving today from out of town so I'll need to get on with the cleaning, so will probably check in again tonight after work, which will be morning for most of you. GL all! xxx

Aw, Nikki. I'm sorry on the BFN front :hugs: Everytime my AF came my husband would say "Oh well, another month to practise! Yay!"... sorry, might not help right now, but I hope it makes you smile, even a little bit. 

I hope bubba will suck it all out... they say that you lose around 500calories a day breast feeding.... but really really really trying to just focus on the here and now rather than next year. :hugs: rather hard, but helpful. 

Hope you have a nice rest of the day though lovely lady xxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Just wanted to say good luck to all the ladies waiting to test! xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hey girls, its 6:20 am here and I woke up so tested and.... BFN, poo.
> 
> Collie, a rise in progesterone causes extra mucus, either down below and/or in your nose. The snotty thing is a definite indication for me, I got it all the time when I was pregnant and also when I was on depo shots years ago - it drove me nuts! So looks promising. I alsoo notice I get around OV as well.
> 
> Erica, I hear you on the wieght gain, I put on an absolute heap as well, except I hadn't lost the 6 stone to begin with... You'll be fine, MW says anything, give her a slap! That wee bubba will suck it all out of you again!
> 
> Kam, sounds good.
> 
> Right I'm going back to bed in a huff, have friends arriving today from out of town so I'll need to get on with the cleaning, so will probably check in again tonight after work, which will be morning for most of you. GL all! xxx

Sorry .. Nikki, maybe your not out yet , so you could still be ..Don't loose faith thill the witch shows up :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Thanks, all. My test was positive last time on CD 14, same as today, but was only barely visible and it was twins, so I'm hoping implantation is a little later this time and is just a singleton so showing later but I'm pretty sure I'm deluding myself. I just can't get rid of this bitter taste in my mouth though. We shall see. My cycles may have changed length a bit as I wasn't tracking them the last couple - I know they weren't really long or short but don't know to the day, IYKWIM.

Yazzoo,as for the drinking, Last time I started not drinking in the 2WW, then thought, "sod it, this could go on for months and years", so had a few beers and then found out I was pregnant with the boys a couple of weeks later, so it obviously didn't affect implantation but you have to do what _you_ feel comfortable with. The thing is, if you don't get pregnant you may attribute it to the drinks so it might be better not to, just so you have nothing to beat yourself up about! That's how I feel now, I stopped drinking before OV this time, I only have a couple of beers here and there anyway, I know what you mean saying it doesn't feel right. 

Nights out are hard, I've only been to one and was proud that I managed to hold it together but had a major meltdown later. I only went because it was to see our chef off, who was going home to Switzerland and he'd been really kind to me. If it had been folk I could see again at some point I would have flagged it, TBH. That's not to say you shouldn't go, just don't force yourself if you don't feel up to it, and bugger anyone who doesn't understand! 

Andy, you in the randy week yet?! Haha Randy-Andy! GL girl!

GL MummyStobe, enjoy! 

Erica, don't stress about the drinks, there's no real blood sharing for at least the first 2-3 weeks after conception, usually longer. I was unaware I was pregnant with my DD till I was 6 weeks gone and was partying hard. I was really worried but she is absolutely fine, the MW reassured me at the time. 

The baby might well use up some of those calories to grow as well, before you even get to the BF stage but don't stress, plenty time after. All that's important is that lovely wee rainbow. I'm considering hiding my full-length mirror so I can't see, I reckon that's a fine option, just don't look! 

Kam, any other news/symptoms?

Collie, anything to add?

Mhazzab, hope you are well, honey. 

Thanks MM. 

Is Jojo Still around? You OK? Hope you are doing well, feel free to update us on how you're going, would love to hear from you.

How are you, Babesx3?

Imalia, are you still around? hope you're OK too, I know you're journey has been hard.

I feel like we've hijacked this thread abit, all of a sudden there is most of 2nd tri losses jumped in here, I hope no-one minds! It's a good thig we're all here, just don't want to push the original ladies out. Stay with us, please!

Hope I've not missed anyone


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## KamIAm

Hi Nikki!!!

Nothing NEW to report, just same ole same ole...which is good I think lol... Still super tired, today I am EXTRA grouchy...but decrease in CM, feeling sick to my stomach (chunks in my throat) GAG ... and super hungry... Ok, so maybe once I wrote this all down, guess there is some new to report LOL!!! I never noticed .... LOL
I am really trying to wait to test... I really hate seeing bfn's :shrug:

How are you doing dear?? Hanging in there?? Keep on testing babe!!! :happydance:

How is everyone else doing???? Hope you all are enjoying your weekend!!! :hugs:


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## kiki04

Well if OH wasn't "broken" we would have made a baby this morning. :haha: We BD when we woke up and then I did my OPK in the aftn and got this....

https://i41.tinypic.com/x3csrc.jpg

:rofl: 

My very first ever +OPK :dance:

Only 3 more days til our VR consult though :happydance:


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## ericacaca

Right... I'm off to bed. But before I go I'm just going to comment on how unpleasant it is seeing the picture of the toilet on the home page... followed by "milk art!" BLEUGH! Didnt think going on a website would trigger MS! But ooooooooooooooh nooooooooooo! 

Night night lovely ladies xxx


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## Andypanda6570

ericacaca said:


> Right... I'm off to bed. But before I go I'm just going to comment on how unpleasant it is seeing the picture of the toilet on the home page... followed by "milk art!" BLEUGH! Didnt think going on a website would trigger MS! But ooooooooooooooh nooooooooooo!
> 
> Night night lovely ladies xxx

Your hysterical...XOXO LOL :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:




Well I have to try again Sunday and Monday and Tuesday if my OPK is negative.
I cant believe it went so fast since I last time tried that was October 4th. Isn't it amazing how the weeks just fly (Go so fast) :coffee::coffee:
Love you all so much and I want you all to get your BFP..XOOXOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

ericacaca said:


> Right... I'm off to bed. But before I go I'm just going to comment on how unpleasant it is seeing the picture of the toilet on the home page... followed by "milk art!" BLEUGH! Didnt think going on a website would trigger MS! But ooooooooooooooh nooooooooooo!
> 
> Night night lovely ladies xxx

lol, I haven't seen it, as I just come straight to the loss forum, but I've heard other people commenting on it and how yuk it is!
Definately not going to check it out today, feeling very bleurgh already!

xx


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## collie_crazy

Well I think I was delusional yesterday because I have taken 2 tests today a FRER and a superdrug one (because I didnt want to believe the first) and they were both BFNs :cry:


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## ericacaca

collie_crazy said:


> Well I think I was delusional yesterday because I have taken 2 tests today a FRER and a superdrug one (because I didnt want to believe the first) and they were both BFNs :cry:

Aw no Collie! Is it still early days though? Still hoping for you xxx


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## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Well I think I was delusional yesterday because I have taken 2 tests today a FRER and a superdrug one (because I didnt want to believe the first) and they were both BFNs :cry:

oh Amanda, I'm sorry...

were either of them the same type as yesterday's?

x


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## collie_crazy

Yes it was a superdrug test yesterday too :sad1: 

Still only 9dpo so still early I guess... I just dont know how many people would get a BFN at this stage and then go on to get a positive... Next cycle I am definitely NOT testing early! :cry:


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## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Still only 9dpo so still early I guess... I just dont know how many people would get a BFN at this stage and then go on to get a positive... Next cycle I am definitely NOT testing early! :cry:

I did...

although mine was an IC, but, it was an ultra sensitive one, 10 whatever-the units are! there was nothing there on the morning of 9dpo, but there was a very very very faint hint of something on 10dpo and surprisingly the less sensitive CB digi confirmed it that day.

when is your AF due? i suppose you should prepare yourself that it may not have been your month, but don't quite give in yet xx


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## Imalia

I'm still here, still around. Just don't pop in very often, never really have much to say. 

I gave up temping and charting and checking CM and CP and symptom spotting and using opk's. It takes far too much of my emotional energy and it never makes a difference anyway. I've done it all and had every symptom under the sun and it's never been a bfp, so really I just can't be bothered with it all anymore. We just dtd at least every other day from the moment af finishes until the stupid cow shows up again. 

Hopefully one of these days something will happen. Not holding my breath. Hating the time of year, would rather slit my own throat than sit through another damn Christmas like this.


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## Nikki_d72

Oh Imalia, I'm sorry. I really hope that things change for you. xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Another BFN for me this morn, I was convinced I'd get something today - I had a giant wave of nausea and dizziness at work last night and my face was bright red and really hot. Guess I'm just deluding myself and allergic to work! Still no AF though, this is CD 29, approx 15DPO, a test should show positive by now shouldn't it? Must have Oved late or something or my body's stil out of whack. Boo!


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## KamIAm

Hi friends!!

How is everyone today???

Amanda, don't get yourself TOO upset, it's still early.... and IF this isn't YOUR month, keep that pretty chin up, I mean it... It will happen:hugs: I KNOW I'll get a bfn as well, I am only 9 dpo and I AM NOT testing, heck I'm scared to death now... LOL... I just don't wanna see a bfn... I might not even test til after my AF is due... We'll see.... :shrug: I am feeling the same, sooo I think I have pretty much have myself convinced I am NOT preg... There is NO way... Sooo we'll see....

Nikki... I am NOT good with helpful conceiving advice (like you) ... I just know, hang in there... Don't give up until the ugly AF shows...and then try again next month :winkwink: I truly pray and hope to God you girls get your bfp this month if not this , then SOON!!!!!:hugs:


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## ericacaca

Imalia... hello there again. I remember you from ages ago. REALLY sorry for your loss and for the fact that you're feeling fed up at the moment. Don't give up trying though... one day you will get your BFP, it can take some ladies months and months and months. I guess some ladies are just really lucky and can get pregnant on demand. Either they are really really fertile or their OH just has super sperm. Or maybe a mixture of both, I really don't know. My friend annoyingly just needs to look at a baby and get pregnant! Other friends have not been so successful, even with help. But now I'm rambling trying to make you smile and I'm really not sure if I'm much help! 

I'm really really really praying that you ladies have a BFP soon, and when you do you will be blessed with as much positivity in abundance! 

Erica
xxx


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## Imalia

Well, when you put it that way, it's only been 169 months, no need to give up yet.


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## MissMaternal

:hugs: imalia xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

Imalia said:


> I'm still here, still around. Just don't pop in very often, never really have much to say.
> 
> I gave up temping and charting and checking CM and CP and symptom spotting and using opk's. It takes far too much of my emotional energy and it never makes a difference anyway. I've done it all and had every symptom under the sun and it's never been a bfp, so really I just can't be bothered with it all anymore. We just dtd at least every other day from the moment af finishes until the stupid cow shows up again.
> 
> Hopefully one of these days something will happen. Not holding my breath. Hating the time of year, would rather slit my own throat than sit through another damn Christmas like this.

Things will get better, I know it :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: It is when you least expect it that you get your BFP, try not to stress it will happen, I am telling you it will happen//
XOXOXO Sending much love :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Another BFN for me this morn, I was convinced I'd get something today - I had a giant wave of nausea and dizziness at work last night and my face was bright red and really hot. Guess I'm just deluding myself and allergic to work! Still no AF though, this is CD 29, approx 15DPO, a test should show positive by now shouldn't it? Must have Oved late or something or my body's stil out of whack. Boo!

Just keep trying.. things are going to go great for us all, I know it..Sending much love ..XOXOOXXOXOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Well, I did it..... giggle, giggle... :blush:

I caved, went to the drugstore, to test in the morning....BUT I tested TONIGHT instead, couldn't help myself... HAD to just go ahead and do it....

:bfn:


Thinking it isn't looking very good for us this month ..... :flower:


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## kiki04

Its OK... still early :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

It is still early hon!


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## collie_crazy

OMGOMGOMG - I think I have a line. I'm sorry girls I really dont want to upset anyone here I've posted the pics in the pregnancy test forum if you want to look and tell me if I am being delusional again - its very faint but definitely there - https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-tests/784553-can-you-see-10dpo-superdrug-test.html#post13692432


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## Nikki_d72

I can see a line, hon! Does it have colour in RL, I can't tell from the pic? Did it come up within the time-limit, if so, I think you're onto a winner!! Yeeha, really hope so. xxx


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## collie_crazy

Yes it is definitely pink and came up in the time limit.... Trying not to get too carried away but I am freaking out a bit!


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## Nikki_d72

:happydance::yipee::headspin::dance::yipee::wohoo::wohoo:

Sorry, don't want to get too carried away but thought I had to break those wee guys out. I'm gonna say it - CONGRATULATIONS! 

Don't freak out, you deserve this so much!


XXXX


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## babesx3

yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! so happy for you collie!!!! test again tomorrow should be darker!!!!


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## mhazzab

I see a line! Go get a digi! Don't suppose you saved some of your FMU? Xxxxxx


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## babesx3

kam its still early.. fx u get a line in a couple of days!!!! hugs xxx


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## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Well, I did it..... giggle, giggle... :blush:
> 
> I caved, went to the drugstore, to test in the morning....BUT I tested TONIGHT instead, couldn't help myself... HAD to just go ahead and do it....
> 
> :bfn:
> 
> 
> Thinking it isn't looking very good for us this month ..... :flower:

 Never give up my buddy... It aint over till it's over. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: XOXO Love Ya 




collie_crazy said:


> OMGOMGOMG - I think I have a line. I'm sorry girls I really dont want to upset anyone here I've posted the pics in the pregnancy test forum if you want to look and tell me if I am being delusional again - its very faint but definitely there - https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-tests/784553-can-you-see-10dpo-superdrug-test.html#post13692432

I am trying to not get SOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited!!!!
But I can't help it :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
Oh Pleaseeeeeeeeeee get back here and let us know if it is positive.. OMG I am so happy for you..
XOOXOXOXOOXXOOXOOXOOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Collie!!!!! :happydance:

Holy Crap Batman!!! I am SOOOOOO seeing a line babe!!!!

:happydance: :dance: :dance: :yipee: :headspin: :friends: :tease: :wohoo: :loopy: :flasher: :bunny:


I am super duper excited for you and you better keep us posted!!! :hugs:

Woot Woot Woot Woot.... :happydance:


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## KamIAm

Oh, completely forgot to report.... 

tested again this morning, you know, with the good pee pee ...and got a .... :bfn:

I bought a different kind of test this time... the other day (think around 5-6 dpo) I used a CB digital one and this time I used a First Response line thingy (the same as I usually use in past)... I have 1 more test that I am gonna save til end of this week.... We'll see...

I am just SOOOOO excited for Collie! I can't wait to hear more details! :happydance:


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## collie_crazy

Well I just tested again with a frer, SMU and only after holding it for 4 hours and got another line! Still faint but definitely there so I'm crossing my fingers very tightly for a sticky bean! Will keep testing. Couldnt get a digi but will try to get one for tomorrow. 

OK Symptoms: 

3dpo - light brown spotting when wiping
6dpo - nauseous through the day
8dpo - itchy and stuffy nose - dreamed about a BFP
9dpo - super emotional, itchy nose still
10dpo - faint positive :happydance:

Kelly please dont get upset - you still have loads of time to get a BFP this cycle! The clearblue digi you used is not very sensitive at all and FRERs - well people seem to like them but they didn't give me a positive last time till about 14dpo whereas other tests were giving me great lines so I dont personally think they are all that great! I have everything crossed for you hunny, honestly I do! :hugs: 

Same for everyone else - our rainbows are coming I just know it :happydance:

PS. Just realised that my psychic predictions said I would get a BFP in October and well this is the very last day of October! Wow!
 



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## mhazzab

that's definately a line, Amanda! Not bad for daytime pee!

I know you will want to keep calm until you POAS agan tomorrow, but I just wanted to say I am so happy! (but, I'll keep it calm till tomorrow too!). I don't know about you, but I'm never happy until I see the words 'Pregnant' on the digi, lol.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## ericacaca

collie_crazy said:


> Well I just tested again with a frer, SMU and only after holding it for 4 hours and got another line! Still faint but definitely there so I'm crossing my fingers very tightly for a sticky bean! Will keep testing. Couldnt get a digi but will try to get one for tomorrow.
> 
> OK Symptoms:
> 
> 3dpo - light brown spotting when wiping
> 6dpo - nauseous through the day
> 8dpo - itchy and stuffy nose - dreamed about a BFP
> 9dpo - super emotional, itchy nose still
> 10dpo - faint positive :happydance:
> 
> Kelly please dont get upset - you still have loads of time to get a BFP this cycle! The clearblue digi you used is not very sensitive at all and FRERs - well people seem to like them but they didn't give me a positive last time till about 14dpo whereas other tests were giving me great lines so I dont personally think they are all that great! I have everything crossed for you hunny, honestly I do! :hugs:
> 
> Same for everyone else - our rainbows are coming I just know it :happydance:
> 
> PS. Just realised that my psychic predictions said I would get a BFP in October and well this is the very last day of October! Wow!


Amanda, that is great news! Exactly like the faint line we saw a couple of weeks ago :happydance: We were too excited and took the risk with a digital test later that night! 

xxx


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## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> Well I just tested again with a frer, SMU and only after holding it for 4 hours and got another line! Still faint but definitely there so I'm crossing my fingers very tightly for a sticky bean! Will keep testing. Couldnt get a digi but will try to get one for tomorrow.
> 
> OK Symptoms:
> 
> 3dpo - light brown spotting when wiping
> 6dpo - nauseous through the day
> 8dpo - itchy and stuffy nose - dreamed about a BFP
> 9dpo - super emotional, itchy nose still
> 10dpo - faint positive :happydance:
> 
> Kelly please dont get upset - you still have loads of time to get a BFP this cycle! The clearblue digi you used is not very sensitive at all and FRERs - well people seem to like them but they didn't give me a positive last time till about 14dpo whereas other tests were giving me great lines so I dont personally think they are all that great! I have everything crossed for you hunny, honestly I do! :hugs:
> 
> Same for everyone else - our rainbows are coming I just know it :happydance:
> 
> PS. Just realised that my psychic predictions said I would get a BFP in October and well this is the very last day of October! Wow!

Looks like a line to me hun - very much like the first test I took when I found out I was expecting Max - got my fingers crossed that it gets darker.

So excited and pleased and happy for you :happydance:


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## Hellylou

Collie this sounds wonderful...I have never seen these types of test before but I am going on what everyone else says. How wonderful!!!!!!!:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## MummyStobe

KamIAm said:


> Oh, completely forgot to report....
> 
> tested again this morning, you know, with the good pee pee ...and got a .... :bfn:
> 
> I bought a different kind of test this time... the other day (think around 5-6 dpo) I used a CB digital one and this time I used a First Response line thingy (the same as I usually use in past)... I have 1 more test that I am gonna save til end of this week.... We'll see...

Don't give up hope yet hun - the month ain't over til AF shows up!

Just been thinking back to when I found out I was expecting Max, I tested about 4 days after AF was due (18dpo) and got a faint line with FMU and when I went to my GP later that day the test they did came back negative. So although reading all the posts in here is making me desperate to test, I'm going to stick it out and wait, don't think I could face seeing a BFN. Having said that I dreamt AF turned up unexpectadly last night so not holding my breath for this month being a rainbow baby month for me.


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## MummyStobe

_Implantation, when the fertilized egg implants into the endometrium, happens about a week after ovulation (range: 6-12 days), and it takes another 3-4 days after implantation (9-16 dpo: days after ovulation) for the blood pregnancy test to first become positive, followed 2-3 days later by the early positive pregnancy urine test, the home pregnancy test (HPT)._

Just found the above information on the t'internet. Based on this it can take between 11-19dpo to get a positive hpt.

I'm defintely waiting to test....

...and I'm now going to stop prattling on and go and eat more of my halloween haribo sweets hehe


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## Andypanda6570

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
I am SOOOOoooooooo excited!!!
Report back, Amanda :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I think this is it for you!!:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


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## KamIAm

Amanda!! I am super stoked! :happydance: Yes, there is definately a line!!! :happydance:

Keep us posted!!! :hugs:

I can't tell you enough how it touches and blesses my heart when "one of us" get a rainbow! :hugs:

This has sooo made my day!!!:happydance: BABY DANCE :happydance:

(I'm NOT giving up hope, just gonna hang tight and see what I get... I am NOT upset, sad... etc... Heck, ecspecially since we've had some great news in this gang!! :happydance:... )

I"ll keep ya posted if and when I test again :winkwink: :thumbup:


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## Nikki_d72

Well, I was delusional, the witch has got me. Bl***y stupid psychic had me convinced. Ah well.

Still super-happy that some of our gang have gotten theirs though, keep us updated, ladies, you give us hope! XXX


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## mhazzab

Nikki_d72 said:


> Well, I was delusional, the witch has got me. Bl***y stupid psychic had me convinced. Ah well.
> 
> Still super-happy that some of our gang have gotten theirs though, keep us updated, ladies, you give us hope! XXX

Oh Nikki, I'm sorry. Damn, more BDing for you then ;) hugs xxxx


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## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Well, I was delusional, the witch has got me. Bl***y stupid psychic had me convinced. Ah well.
> 
> Still super-happy that some of our gang have gotten theirs though, keep us updated, ladies, you give us hope! XXX

I am sorry.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: But your time and my time will for sure come, I know it :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


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## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> Well, I was delusional, the witch has got me. Bl***y stupid psychic had me convinced. Ah well.
> 
> Still super-happy that some of our gang have gotten theirs though, keep us updated, ladies, you give us hope! XXX
> 
> I am sorry.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: But your time and my time will for sure come, I know it :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:Click to expand...

It sure will, I know it too xxx


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## Hellylou

I am so excited by this thread I don't know how I am going to cope with waiting til New Year so I will just throw some :dust: on you all and watch this space...:hugs:


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## yazoo

Amanda- those lines are very clear. I am so so happy for you. Its great news. :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

Nikki- I'm sorry the witch got you. Keep that chin up. 

Kelly- Sorry you got a BFN but its still early days yet and you could still get a BFP. 

So girls according to FF I am 3dpo. Today I have had a sore back and I am getting little twinges in my lower left abdomen and my nipples were sore today btu I am not going to delude myself & think I am pregnant just yet. For too many months I done that while trying to conceive Jakob & would be let down like a sack of spuds when AF would show up. We'll see. 

I'm so happy one of our gang has got a BFP. :flower:


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## collie_crazy

Oh Nikki I'm sorry hun :cry: Gosh I hate that bloody :witch:!!! :growlmad:

Helly, you know the new year is coming quicker than you'd think! Emily was due New Years day and as everyone keeps counting down to Xmas I always add on the extra few days to her due date - its 63 days till the 1st :hugs: It'll be over in no time and then the fun begins - baby dancing! Meantime you can get a lot of practicing in :winkwink:


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## KamIAm

Helloooooo Girls!!!

Well crap Nikki! Stupid :witch: :growlmad:

I hate that for you! Lots more :sex: for you guys!! :winkwink:

Keep your head up, I KNOW the stork will arrive SOON :hugs:

When I wake tomorrow, I will NOT be testing, I'll be 11 dpo and going completely insane... The symptom lists just keeps getting longer and longer but man, I am NOT gonna fall for the ol' trick ... This all just has to be AF junk coming along...:winkwink:

Hope everyone is doing great..... Big Hugs Friends!!:hugs:


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## collie_crazy

Would just like to say it's 3am here and I have woke up bursting for a pee bit trying not to because it's only been a few hours and I want good strong fmu for testing :rofl: the things we do!!!


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## Nikki_d72

Hahaha! We're mental, aren't we?! Good luck, hope this is it for you....


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## collie_crazy

6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:


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## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:

Oh wow Amanda! I couldnt sleep so thought i would come in here and see if you had updated us! Amazing news, I had a good feeling about you! So so happy right now for you! How are you feeling? xxxx


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## ericacaca

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:


Yay! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Realy pleased for you! How very exciting! NOW LOOK AFTER YOURSELF! 

I have tonisillitis... again! I kept on getting it when I was pregnant with baby girl and I'm really worried about it. So off to docs I go this morning! And, I'm not going into work today - couldnt bare teaching and having to raise my voice all day in a huge classroom - espcially when the kids are making music! ARGH! xxx


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## babesx3

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:

:happydance: CONGRATULATIONS!!!!:flower:


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## Hellylou

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:

Congratulations!!!!!:happydance::happydance::happydance:

I'm so happy for you, and wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: You both deserve this so much xxxx


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## Nikki_d72

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:

Yahoo! I thought so, Oh I'm so happy for you hon, you so deserve this! look after yourself and try to enjoy!:happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## jojo23

awe congrats hun im ecstatic for you!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:

I am so very happy for you., Amanda..
Wish you so much love, joy and a healthy and happy pregnancy..
XOXOXO Sending a lot of love your way..XOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## collie_crazy

Thank you girls!!! Its sinking in about now after seeing those words - so much better than a dubious thin line :haha: But I am also terrified... I had a look and my due date would be around July 14th, Emily was born July 24th :cry: I will be 12 weeks on the 1st Jan her due date. 

Just praying and hoping this is our take home baby :thumbup:


----------



## collie_crazy

Oh Erica I'm sorry you have tonsilitis my sister gets it a lot and its evil! I think you made a wise decision not to go into work today :hugs: Hoping the doctor can make you feel a bit more comfortable - let us know how you are later.


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## KamIAm

I couldn't sleep so I jumped on here to check for updates...... Amanda!!!! Oh My Gosh!!!:happydance: I just KNEW it!!! :dance::yipee::headspin::friends::tease::fool::juggle::wohoo::loopy::flasher::bunny:

Yippee!!!!!! :happydance:

I am beyond excited and can't wait for updates!!! You now, have an official stalker as well :flasher::rofl:


----------



## KamIAm

Ok.... To update y'all with my "craziness" ... :wacko:

I am NOT feeling any better... I started the whole nausea stuff yesterday, actually threw up a few times, this REALLY has me baffled and now this morning when I woke, my head and nose is soooo stuffy, I can't breath, even my chest feels stuffy if that makes sense, I am icky bloated a ton, tummy feels so heavy, and yesterday I noticed an increase in my CM again.... I am still having the other junk but these are the new things that just started.....:shrug:

Ok, I am terrified to test....I feel absolutely CRAZY! If I am NOT preg, wow...have me locked up in the looney bin please :blush: :haha: I am just scared I am going crazy but wow... everyday I feel different... :shrug: 

I am going crazy, I am going crazy, I am going crazy... It's ok Kelly.... :haha:

Ok, My daughter just woke up to blow her nose, she sounds stuffy, MAYBE I really am just getting sick???????????? 

I am really gonna TRY not to test until the end of this week


----------



## ericacaca

collie_crazy said:


> Thank you girls!!! Its sinking in about now after seeing those words - so much better than a dubious thin line :haha: But I am also terrified... I had a look and my due date would be around July 14th, Emily was born July 24th :cry: I will be 12 weeks on the 1st Jan her due date.
> 
> Just praying and hoping this is our take home baby :thumbup:

I was just about to dare ask you about due dates! Wow! July! Great month! Try to put your mind off the due date lovely.... we decided to just have a little time during the day to reflect rather than be depressed all day. It worked... although there were lots more cuddles through the day.

Not sure if I said what we did but we got to the top of the turret at Pembroke Castle in Wales and let go of a helium balloon that said "Baby Girl" attached to 2 normal helium balloons and message labels from her Mummy and Daddy. The two normal balloons kinda lifted the Baby Girl ballon up into the air as if they were two angels taking her into the distance... it really helped us to let go and move on as much as we could - gosh welling up even thinking about it! 

Just got back from doctors - he checked me over, said my glands are up and my throat is swollen, but no puss or temperature or anything - so it could just be a throat infection or the aftermath of tonsillitis. He said if it gets worse to come back and they'll prescribe me Penecillin which he checked to be ok during pregnancy (?) and advised me to gargle with soluble paracetemol but only swallow if I needed to because paracetemol is sometimes not good? Paracetemol not good? Oh gosh! So no painkillers allowed anymore? Please tell me that he's got ibuprofen and asprin mixed up?????? eek! xxx


----------



## yazoo

Amanda I am so so happy for you. It is great news and I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months. 

Kelly- your symptoms sound good hun. You will know for sure once the witch is due. I personally will not be testing until until AF is due as I just can't deal with that disappointment. The month I conceived Jakob I waited until CD32 to test & had convinced myself it would be negative but hey presto BFP. It was much better that testing early & being disappointed so I will try avoid that this time. I have an increase in CM aswell and TMI but it was really sticky last night and just icky. I'm also not sleeping well this past 2 nights. I keep waking up and it takes forever to get back to sleep. 

Erica- I have always heard that pregnant women can take paracetamol so I am thinking that maybe your doc got it mixed up. I got wicked headaches for a few weeks while pregnant with Jakob & he told me to take paracetamol. While I was in hospital also the staff were giving me panadol for pain & that wasn't that long ago. I wonder has it changed since then or is it just a case of doctors differing?


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## collie_crazy

Yip Erica I think your doctor is making things up! I have always heard its fine to take paracetamol although obviously within the recommended dosage. Ibuprofen is a no-no though.


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## collie_crazy

Kelly if you are not pregnant girl then your body is evil! You have so many symptoms its not funny!! I'll be anxiously awaiting your next test!


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## collie_crazy

As requested K :haha:
 



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## ericacaca

:happydance::happydance:


collie_crazy said:


> As requested K :haha:

:happydance::happydance:

Glad you took a picture, the display only lasts 24 hours! xxx


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## KamIAm

collie_crazy said:


> As requested K :haha:

:happydance::happydance::happydance:
Ahhhh..... Man, That looks GREAT Amanda! :winkwink: Those perfect, beautiful letters!! You have put a permanent smile on my face today!! :winkwink:

Keep us/me posted on how your feeling, doing, appointments....all that! LOL.. :happydance: Love to hear ALL the details!:winkwink:

Congrats Chicka!! :hugs: Another Rainbow in the makin' .... :hugs:


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## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:

Congratulations sweetie. Really really pleased for you, you deserve this so much. Wishing you a h&h 9 months x


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Ok.... To update y'all with my "craziness" ... :wacko:
> 
> I am NOT feeling any better... I started the whole nausea stuff yesterday, actually threw up a few times, this REALLY has me baffled and now this morning when I woke, my head and nose is soooo stuffy, I can't breath, even my chest feels stuffy if that makes sense, I am icky bloated a ton, tummy feels so heavy, and yesterday I noticed an increase in my CM again.... I am still having the other junk but these are the new things that just started.....:shrug:
> 
> Ok, I am terrified to test....I feel absolutely CRAZY! If I am NOT preg, wow...have me locked up in the looney bin please :blush: :haha: I am just scared I am going crazy but wow... everyday I feel different... :shrug:
> 
> I am going crazy, I am going crazy, I am going crazy... It's ok Kelly.... :haha:
> 
> Ok, My daughter just woke up to blow her nose, she sounds stuffy, MAYBE I really am just getting sick????????????
> 
> I am really gonna TRY not to test until the end of this week

Please don't test till the end of the week, this way you will know for sure..
I gotta good feeling, Kelly..:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Thinking of you my sweet beautiful buddy :hugs:


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## KamIAm

Ok... Stupid question ... I forgot to ask.... On your Digi test, what does the 1-2 mean??? 


Girl, I am trying to convince myself I am just getting sick... :winkwink: I pretty much have accomplished that lil mission until a new symptoms pop ups then my mind goes back at it again LOL.... There truly is some icky sickness going around and this very easily could be just that ..... BUT ..... hee hee hee ... Who knows... :shrug:

Yazoo... I think I'm gonna have to agree with you dear, I do NOT like testing early... Yes, if the results say YES then it's great but man, those BFN are ugly aren't they.... Soooo, here I go again, :winkwink: I am REALLY gonna try NOT to test til the end of this week... AF is due Friday soooo we're almost there!! :winkwink: AND, keep me posted on how your feeling! :winkwink:

Erica, I hope you get feeling better soon Hon'... Poor thing, I have never had it but I hear it's rough ... Speedy Recovery :flower:

Andy, are we getting closer to "O"???? Should be right??? Bow Chicka Wow Wow :winkwink: Almost Baby Makin' Time :haha: :happydance:

Mhairi, hope your hangin in there and feeling great!!! Morning sickness attack you yet? 

Nikki.... Thinkin' about ya today babe ... (that evil witch, grrrr! foiled our rainbow plan BUT there's always next month!!):flower: 

Missing Sarah Jane, Hope she's all well.... :flower:

Oh, and Gavin's mommy... Anyone heard from her lately?? Whew, some of these user names are hard to remember LOL :dohh:

Mummy Stobe... How are you doing today???:hugs:

HellyLou! Can't wait to start your 2012 Rainbow Mission!!! Let the countdown begin!!:winkwink: :hugs:

If I missed anyone.... SORRY... Trust me, I'll get ya! :winkwink: :haha:

Everyone have a great day and I'll keep ya posted if I cave and test! :hugs:


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## MummyStobe

ericacaca said:


> :happydance::happydance:
> 
> 
> collie_crazy said:
> 
> 
> As requested K :haha:
> 
> :happydance::happydance:
> 
> Glad you took a picture, the display only lasts 24 hours! xxxClick to expand...

I discovered that when I found out I was expecting Max, fortunately I'd taken a piccy so didn't lose it forever.

Collie that's an amazing pic, you must be on cloud 9!


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## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Thank you girls!!! Its sinking in about now after seeing those words - so much better than a dubious thin line :haha: But I am also terrified... I had a look and my due date would be around July 14th, Emily was born July 24th :cry: I will be 12 weeks on the 1st Jan her due date.
> 
> Just praying and hoping this is our take home baby :thumbup:

Aah, yes, the digis do rock - you gotta love seeing those words.

my due date is 8 days after my daughters were born, so I'm right there with you. I'm trying to think of it as their first birthday present - a little brother or sister.

I'm here if you ever want to talk xx


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## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Ok... Stupid question ... I forgot to ask.... On your Digi test, what does the 1-2 mean???
> 
> :

it means 1-2 weeks since conception, i.e. the lovely Amanda is 3-4 weeks preggers.

I'm feeling sick most of the day, lol, but not actually being sick, same as it was last time, pretty much. I quite like it, in a weird way, it's a symptom I always know is there!!! Has anyone got any suggestions of what to eat?? Nothing sounds appetising apart from vegetable lasagne, for some reason. Can't eat that every day, can I??

Kelly I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much for you, but you do seem to have an awful lot of symptoms...! Damn body, you never know if it is playing tricks on you or being serious. Well, not too long to go now. I can't wait to hear more news from you, and from everyone else who is still waiting!

xxx


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## yazoo

mhazzab said:


> collie_crazy said:
> 
> 
> Thank you girls!!! Its sinking in about now after seeing those words - so much better than a dubious thin line :haha: But I am also terrified... I had a look and my due date would be around July 14th, Emily was born July 24th :cry: I will be 12 weeks on the 1st Jan her due date.
> 
> Just praying and hoping this is our take home baby :thumbup:
> 
> Aah, yes, the digis do rock - you gotta love seeing those words.
> 
> my due date is 8 days after my daughters were born, so I'm right there with you. I'm trying to think of it as their first birthday present - a little brother or sister.
> 
> I'm here if you ever want to talk xxClick to expand...

That is such a great way to think of it Mhairi. I would never have thought of something as special as that. :hugs: As far as the food thing goes I don't really know what you could eat. Maybe really bland foods, chicken and mushroom casserole was something I could stomach with Jakob & with DD I lived on creamed rice. I hope the sickness passes for you huni but its a good sign. 

Amanda that test is fabulous. :happydance:

Well the pains I had yesterday in my left abdomen have gone as has the backache so I just don't know. :wacko:

Oh ladies I gave in and rejoined facebook so if anyone wants to add me PM me and I'll give you my details. :hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Oh ladies I gave in and rejoined facebook so if anyone wants to add me PM me and I'll give you my details. :hugs::hugs:

I can't remember if i said this before but if anyone wants to add me, just let me know by PM and I will let you know my real name! I'm easy to find on FB, much easier than KamIam, lol! Spent ages trying to find her, and in the end, we had to get her to search for me instead!!

xx


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## winterwonder

collie_crazy said:


> 6:30am couldnt hold it any longer - BFP!!! pregnant 1-2 on digi :headspin:

:happydance: Yay I am soo happy for you!!!! :happydance:


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## KamIAm

mhazzab said:


> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> Oh ladies I gave in and rejoined facebook so if anyone wants to add me PM me and I'll give you my details. :hugs::hugs:
> 
> I can't remember if i said this before but if anyone wants to add me, just let me know by PM and I will let you know my real name! I'm easy to find on FB, much easier than KamIam, lol! Spent ages trying to find her, and in the end, we had to get her to search for me instead!!
> 
> xxClick to expand...

Hee hee hee.... What can I say.... Eh' :winkwink: A tad hard to find me with such a common name.. :haha: Yes, sooo much easier and fast finding her!! :thumbup:

If anyone wants to add me as well, just holler and I'll send you on that endless search as well :haha:.... :hugs:

Mhairi, you know... For some reason, I am NOT as freaked out as I was... I was climbing the walls, waiting to POAS, but I have this calmness ( it's OK either way) If I get a bfn.... More practice! If I get a bfp, I think I'll pass out from shock LOL ... :winkwink: Can't wait til Friday!!!:happydance::happydance:

Hugs to you all!!! Love ya bunches!!


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## MummyStobe

Hey all, how is everyone today?

I'm a lil confuddled today, thought today was 4dpo but this morning I've had loads of really stretchy cm (sorry tmi). Does this mean I've just ovulated, am ovulating or about to ovulate? I've also had some little twinges on my right hand side at about belly button height, a couple on the left hand side too come to think about it. Is that about the right place for ovulation pains?

Thinking back to when I was pregnant with Max, I think I must have ovulated later than cd14 because I only got a really faint +hpt on cd32 and at my dating scan I got put back 5 days. So maybe I do ovulate late (today is cd20)? 

Any opinions?

I've also just realised that I'm on my 2nd cycle since losing Max and it was on my 2nd cycle after my first miscarriage that I conceived him. Staying positive that this could be my month but don't want to get my hopes up too much just in case it's not.


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## MummyStobe

mhazzab said:


> my due date is 8 days after my daughters were born, so I'm right there with you. I'm trying to think of it as their first birthday present - a little brother or sister.

I think that is a lovely way to think about your rainbow baby. I'm sure your daughters will be thrilled with their present. :hugs:


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## MummyStobe

yazoo said:


> Oh ladies I gave in and rejoined facebook so if anyone wants to add me PM me and I'll give you my details. :hugs::hugs:




mhazzab said:


> I can't remember if i said this before but if anyone wants to add me, just let me know by PM and I will let you know my real name! I'm easy to find on FB, much easier than KamIam, lol! Spent ages trying to find her, and in the end, we had to get her to search for me instead!!




KamIAm said:


> If anyone wants to add me as well, just holler and I'll send you on that endless search as well :haha:.... :hugs:

I'd like to add you guys on Facebook, I'll pm you with my details, if you'd like to add me too. :hugs: But no one on there knows about us ttc so I'd appreciate it if the baby talk stays on here :hugs:


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## KamIAm

Gotcha :winkwink: .. Same for me ... No one knows we are TTC again sooo all baby talk stays here .... :flower:

It's nice to finally put faces with names... :happydance:


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## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> It's nice to finally put faces with names... :happydance:

Yeah I thought that too! Although I'm quite simple and am now getting confused trying to match up usernames to real names in my head!

Xx


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## Andypanda6570

You girls can add me also on Facebok , I am friends with Kelly. Also for me no mention of my trying to get my groove on :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Nobody knows we are trying.
XOOX I love ya all :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## MummyStobe

KamIAm said:


> Gotcha :winkwink: .. Same for me ... No one knows we are TTC again sooo all baby talk stays here .... :flower:
> 
> It's nice to finally put faces with names... :happydance:


Glad you found me because I was having one hell of a job finding you!

I agree it is nice to put faces to some names. Everyone has been a forum name for so long!



mhazzab said:


> Although I'm quite simple and am now getting confused trying to match up usernames to real names in my head!

You're not the only one hun, I'm going to get someones name wrong before too long!


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## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> You girls can add me also on Facebok , I am friends with Kelly. Also for me no mention of my trying to get my groove on :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Nobody knows we are trying.
> XOOX I love ya all :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I think I have sent you a request! Xx


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## KamIAm

Yes, Now that is the real challenge! lol .... I find that terribly hard to match names with usernames as well ... :dohh:

(i wanna poas) .......hee hee hee :happydance: .... 

you know what I was just thinking, actually posted it on the 2WW section... I was thinking about ALL these symptoms that I have having AND I probably have these silly things every month before AF and never notice them BUT now that I'm ttc again... I am noticing every tiny thing! LOL.... Silly :dohh:

( i wanna poas) :happydance:

have I mentioned lately that I wanna poas?? :winkwink:


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## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> have I mentioned lately that I wanna poas?? :winkwink:

You may have mentioned it once or twice?? I forget.

So, when you gonna hold out till? X


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## MummyStobe

Andypanda6570 said:


> You girls can add me also on Facebok , I am friends with Kelly. Also for me no mention of my trying to get my groove on :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Nobody knows we are trying.
> XOOX I love ya all :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Just sent you a friends request hun x


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## MummyStobe

KamIAm said:


> have I mentioned lately that I wanna poas?? :winkwink:

I hadn't picked up on it hun! :haha:

I'm going to try my best to wait til cd32 - today is cd20!!!!!! It's killing me already!


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## MissMaternal

Congrats Collie!!!! :happydance:

Kam your symptoms sound great - i really hope you get your :bfp:!

I'm sorry the witch got you Nikki :hugs:

xx


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## KamIAm

Mahazzab already warned ya... I'm hard to find on facebook LOL... Sorry .. I'm guessing maybe because my user name on facebook is my first and middle names , dont' use my last like normal .. ?? Heck I don't know, I guess I have to make it complicated LOL!! :haha:

I am trying like heck to wait til AF due date, which is Nov 4th... I think last month my AF showed a few days early sooo we'll see SOON!!! I am dying!!! Ideally I'd love to just hold off on testing, see if the evil :witch: shows and if she doesn't Friday then I'd test.... Now, realistically... I'll probably test every morning until then!!! hahahaha ... I'm DYING!! :happydance:

I just hate the "not knowing" .... :flasher: (love that lil guy) :haha:

This is great..... I feel icky! :happydance:


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## collie_crazy

Oh god I am hopeless at matching usernames to real people :haha: But if anyone wants to add me feel free :thumbup: No one knows about the pregnancy yet so shhhh!

KamIam and Mhazzab I think you two are reasonably easy because your first names begin with the same letter of your usernames :rofl: 

Oh geez it moves too quickly in here sometimes... lets see if I remember anything.. Ok someone asked about weird CM and pains at what they thought was 4dpo... Have you tried testing with OPKs? I would be DTD just in case! Covers all bases :winkwink: 

Mhazzab thats a lovely idea about the birthday present :hugs: I think I'll nick it! 

Kelly you have AMAZING symptoms!! I want to tell you to POAS because I am dying to know to and really really wishing it to turn positive for you but I also think your a strong person being able to hold off! :hugs: Hoping there is a little rainbow in there for you :hugs:

Andrea are you skipping out this cycle? :( 

PS girls do you mind using your real names on here? I never know once I know someones 'real' name whether to use that or keep using their usernames :shrug:


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## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> Oh geez it moves too quickly in here sometimes... lets see if I remember anything.. Ok someone asked about weird CM and pains at what they thought was 4dpo... Have you tried testing with OPKs? I would be DTD just in case! Covers all bases :winkwink:
> 
> PS girls do you mind using your real names on here? I never know once I know someones 'real' name whether to use that or keep using their usernames :shrug:

That was me!! I've never used an opk. I'm going to give it a few more cycles first, feel like I'll be putting too much pressure on myself if I start charting and testing all the time. We were lucky with both of my other pregnancies to catch within the first few months so hoping that will be the case this time too. We've been baby dancing nearly every other day since AF finished so should have covered pretty much every day of the month! 

I don't mind using real names, but please forgive me if I get them wrong sometimes! You've all been usernames for so long!


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## KamIAm

Yep.... Fire away using my real name.... :winkwink: Sooo much easier once we learn them ... Oh, I'm Kelly, just in case anyone is lost... :thumbup:

Amanda, I am DYING! I wanna POAS so stinkin' bad... Heck I just wanna walk around my house holding it... but can't dang it... Kids are clueless ... I'm gonna keep them in the dark (as well as everyone else for that matter), until I'm far along enough to know all clear or as long as I can hide my bump... Don't want to upset them again, just in case ... 

Yep...Gonna keep a positive attitude and try to stay strong through out this journey as well.... Think loosing Emma was MY ultimate breaking point... After that, pfft.. I can handle just about anything... :winkwink:

I still wanna POAS! Ok ok ok, tomorrow I'll be 12 dpo.... I think I'm scheduling me some pee pee time on my potty first thing :happydance::happydance: AND if it says NO... Then I'll just pee every morning til my AF shows.... How does that plan sound....:happydance::happydance: :haha:


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## dnlfinker

:happydance::kiss::cloud9::baby::hugs::thumbup: 

SHOULD I SAY ANYMORE!


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## Nikki_d72

Hi Everyone, sorry don't have much to say today,feeling pretty low. I'll be fine in a day or so. Kam, update please when you pee! 

I was wondering about the real name thing too, as I thought some of you may wish to remain under the radar on here, so RL folk don't find you, that's why I've continued using usernames, let me know if you are happy to use your real name or not, if I know it. Mine's pretty obvious, I've no problem with anyone using it! I don't think I've any RL stalkers, unless my Mum's found me! The poor woman has been on some forums to try to understand what I'm going through, so she knows how to relate to me, that makes me really sad that she's had to do that but happy that she cares enough to, all at once, you know?

Hope you're all having a great day and I'll be back when I'm out of my sulk with myself!

xxxx


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## collie_crazy

Oh Nikkia I am so sorry hunny :hugs: Big super dooper hugs coming your way :hugs: 

I get a bit freaked out thinking about RL people finding me on here. I like being able to be open and honest on here about how I am feeling whereas in RL I keep things more to myself. When things started to go wrong with my pregnancy my aunt came online to 'google' to try and understand more about the conditions that were mentioned and did tell me about reading stories on BnB! I got a bit freaked out because I was already a member here but I hadnt posted anything about what was happening at that time. 

I dont mind people using my real name - although I might not remember anyone elses name! :haha:


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## yazoo

Things really do move fast here. Its hard to keep up. 

Nikki I'm really sorry you are having a bad day. Lots & lots of hugs to you. 

As for the real name thing. I wouldn't like to be found by people in my RL here but I don't know if anyone will go looking. Its not that I have anything to hide ( well apart from ttc and hopefully a rainbow pregnancy) but its just I write alot about thoughts feelings etc that I don't know fi I'd feel comfortable sharing with some people in my RL. BUt as I said it is doubtful that anyone will find me on here so you can use my real name all you like. Its Tanya for any of you who don't know.


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## yazoo

for those trying to add me on fb and couldn't I just realised that I had my privacy settings set super tight (someone I wasn't friends with could see my pics before) but I have made it now so as everyone can add me as a friend. If you go to Mhairi's page you will see me there.


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## Hellylou

Seeing as this seems to be the chat thread, even though I am not officially TTC yet, I'll chat here anyway!:blush:

I would love to add people on fb, although I don't use it a whole lot. I am funny about RL people finding me on here too. This is my space to talk, and most on fb dont have a clue what even happened to me, so there would definitely be no baby related posts on there for me...

I'm Helen, by the way, and feel free to PM to add on fb...

:hugs:


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## KamIAm

Looks like most of us found each other on facebook.... YAY!!! :happydance:

Just remember... Baby talk for all of us is done HERE only ....:thumbup:

If YOU wanna find me as well, just private message me and I'll send you my info... :winkwink:

It is pretty nifty to match faces with names now!!! :happydance:

Love my friends :hugs:

Remember.... Shhhh :shhh: No mention of BnB on facebook :winkwink: Our lil secret haven ...:flower:


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## collie_crazy

Dont worry I wont mention anything about BnB / ttc or pregnancy on facebook :hugs: 

How are you today Kelly? I cant work out the time difference its 9am here and I'm getting inpatient for you to test :rofl:


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## yazoo

Kelly is 5 hours behind us collie so she is still in the land of nod by now I'd say.
I love your siggy. :thumbup: How are you feeling? 

If anyone else wants to find me on facebook PM me or you can find me through Kelly, Mhairi, Sarah or Hayley's page. :hugs:


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## mhazzab

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi Everyone, sorry don't have much to say today,feeling pretty low. I'll be fine in a day or so. Kam, update please when you pee!
> 
> I was wondering about the real name thing too, as I thought some of you may wish to remain under the radar on here, so RL folk don't find you, that's why I've continued using usernames, let me know if you are happy to use your real name or not, if I know it. Mine's pretty obvious, I've no problem with anyone using it! I don't think I've any RL stalkers, unless my Mum's found me! The poor woman has been on some forums to try to understand what I'm going through, so she knows how to relate to me, that makes me really sad that she's had to do that but happy that she cares enough to, all at once, you know?
> 
> Hope you're all having a great day and I'll be back when I'm out of my sulk with myself!
> 
> xxxx

hope tomorrow is a better day for you, Nikki xxxxx :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Oh god I am hopeless at matching usernames to real people :haha: But if anyone wants to add me feel free :thumbup: No one knows about the pregnancy yet so shhhh!
> 
> KamIam and Mhazzab I think you two are reasonably easy because your first names begin with the same letter of your usernames :rofl:
> 
> Oh geez it moves too quickly in here sometimes... lets see if I remember anything.. Ok someone asked about weird CM and pains at what they thought was 4dpo... Have you tried testing with OPKs? I would be DTD just in case! Covers all bases :winkwink:
> 
> Mhazzab thats a lovely idea about the birthday present :hugs: I think I'll nick it!
> 
> Kelly you have AMAZING symptoms!! I want to tell you to POAS because I am dying to know to and really really wishing it to turn positive for you but I also think your a strong person being able to hold off! :hugs: Hoping there is a little rainbow in there for you :hugs:
> 
> Andrea are you skipping out this cycle? :(
> 
> PS girls do you mind using your real names on here? I never know once I know someones 'real' name whether to use that or keep using their usernames :shrug:

 I am going to do it in november so this cycle I hope I hit it, I am out for now but not down.. LOL
XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:



Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi Everyone, sorry don't have much to say today,feeling pretty low. I'll be fine in a day or so. Kam, update please when you pee!
> 
> I was wondering about the real name thing too, as I thought some of you may wish to remain under the radar on here, so RL folk don't find you, that's why I've continued using usernames, let me know if you are happy to use your real name or not, if I know it. Mine's pretty obvious, I've no problem with anyone using it! I don't think I've any RL stalkers, unless my Mum's found me! The poor woman has been on some forums to try to understand what I'm going through, so she knows how to relate to me, that makes me really sad that she's had to do that but happy that she cares enough to, all at once, you know?
> 
> Hope you're all having a great day and I'll be back when I'm out of my sulk with myself!
> 
> xxxx

I know how you feel,Nikki :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I felt the same for a couple of days. But you will get out of it and be ok. We may have to try for a bit (Especially me I am 41 :dohh:) but I promise you it will happen.
Thinking of you..XOXOOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

MissMaternal - how are you? I love the name you have chosen for your daughter :) xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Goooooood Morning Gang.... Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed.... 

Well..... Poop ....... :bfn:

I really don't like those things... Stinkers ..:dohh:

Ok... Sooo, I guess I am just really getting "sick"... I am 12 dpo and would have thought if I was preg it would have shown something... but nope, it was a BOLD single line that showed up quickly... No faint nothing... Soo, I have 1 more hpt and I'd like to just hang onto it and see if AF shows in a few days....We'll see..... 

Tanya, how are you feeling today?? Any new anything?? 

Hey Nikki! Glad to see ya back... Big Hugs Hon! :hugs:

Amanda & Mhairi... How are you lovely ladies feeling? Anything new to report??? :winkwink:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Goooooood Morning Gang.... Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed....
> 
> Well..... Poop ....... :bfn:
> 
> I really don't like those things... Stinkers ..:dohh:
> 
> Ok... Sooo, I guess I am just really getting "sick"... I am 12 dpo and would have thought if I was preg it would have shown something... but nope, it was a BOLD single line that showed up quickly... No faint nothing... Soo, I have 1 more hpt and I'd like to just hang onto it and see if AF shows in a few days....We'll see.....
> 
> Tanya, how are you feeling today?? Any new anything??
> 
> Hey Nikki! Glad to see ya back... Big Hugs Hon! :hugs:
> 
> Amanda & Mhairi... How are you lovely ladies feeling? Anything new to report??? :winkwink:

BFN awww rubbish!!!

The last couple of days I haven't been feeling so sick or tired so of course, now I am freaking out. The next 34 weeks are going to be like this, aren't they!

xx


----------



## KamIAm

Yes Mhairi, the next 34 weeks are gonna be very LONNNNNG.... :winkwink: BUT we'll wait and worry right along with ya..:hugs: 

Since your feeling well, I think that the girls placed a request with the BIG GUY for their mummy to have a perfect pregnancy with their lil sister or lil brother :flower:


----------



## collie_crazy

Oh Kelly :hugs: Those BFNs stink! But it is still not too late - it is never over until witchface shows! :hugs: 

Mhairi I'm sure everything is fine :hugs: I have been having slight cramping pains this morning and of course my mind just runs away with itself! Kellys right it will be long and hard but we will get through this together :hugs: Will you be offered any early / extra scans? My OB has told me I will get early and extra scans - not because they think anything will be wrong but just because they know I will be stressed. Going to wait till next week and then visit the GP and get things rolling :)


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Oh Kelly :hugs: Those BFNs stink! But it is still not too late - it is never over until witchface shows! :hugs:
> 
> Mhairi I'm sure everything is fine :hugs: I have been having slight cramping pains this morning and of course my mind just runs away with itself! Kellys right it will be long and hard but we will get through this together :hugs: Will you be offered any early / extra scans? My OB has told me I will get early and extra scans - not because they think anything will be wrong but just because they know I will be stressed. Going to wait till next week and then visit the GP and get things rolling :)

It's funny, before the BFP, you want the cramps, a little bit of bleeding to show implantation etc, as they are all symptoms, but as soon as you get the BFP, you don't want them any more because now it's scary!

I was told I would get extra care, but I can't remember if they said early scan though. I'm going to request one though. I see my midwife for the first appointment on Friday, so I will ask her then, and also I requested an appointment with the consultant we saw after the girls were born too, I'm waiting for an appointment. I don't think I can wait 6 more weeks to make sure if all is okay, so I will just push for one, I think.

xx


----------



## yazoo

Oh Kelly thats a bummer but as Amanda said its not over til witch arrives. When is she due by the way? I think you said Friday did you??

I'm ok Kelly, I've nothing new to report apart from being super gassy. I can't wait til Sunday or MOnday when witch is due but I'm doing well so far. I haven't tested. 

Aww Mhairi I really feel for you. I know I will be exactly the same when I'm pregnant but you will get through it and both you and Amanda will get to take you little babies home in 34/5 weeks. All the worry will be forgotten about when you have the girls little brother or sister to love and cherish as much as you do them. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Thanks Girls! 

Yep Tanya, The Ugly witch :witch: is due this Friday, 2 more days and last month I think she came a few days early... soo, guess we'll see... :flower: Thanks for all the encouragement, every bit helps :hugs: I'll be alright if baby doesn't happen this month (since this is first month ttc) I'll just keep getting on the horse and trying again... :thumbup: Now, if we're looking at another year and still no baby...... Kelly will be freaking out :winkwink: LOL!!

I am so relieved both you girls will be getting extra care & scans... When I was pregnant with Emma, I was placed in the "high risk" category and was seen ever 2 weeks and 1 a week to recieve 17p injections... I loved being seen that often... I was a nervous wreck and that seems to calm the mind just a tad....

Ok question ladies, when you say midwives, explain.... :winkwink: When I think of midwives I think of a woman that comes to your home for check ups and also assists in homebirths.... Am I along the right lines? Gonna have to google again, man I love google LOL!!:happydance: GOnna have to get my world map out as well to see where bouts you girls live... LOL My ol' memory isn't too great ... LOL! By looking at some of your photo's, looks like most of you live in or by beautiful scenery ....:flower:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Thanks Girls!
> 
> Yep Tanya, The Ugly witch :witch: is due this Friday, 2 more days and last month I think she came a few days early... soo, guess we'll see... :flower: Thanks for all the encouragement, every bit helps :hugs: I'll be alright if baby doesn't happen this month (since this is first month ttc) I'll just keep getting on the horse and trying again... :thumbup: Now, if we're looking at another year and still no baby...... Kelly will be freaking out :winkwink: LOL!!
> 
> I am so relieved both you girls will be getting extra care & scans... When I was pregnant with Emma, I was placed in the "high risk" category and was seen ever 2 weeks and 1 a week to recieve 17p injections... I loved being seen that often... I was a nervous wreck and that seems to calm the mind just a tad....
> 
> Ok question ladies, when you say midwives, explain.... :winkwink: When I think of midwives I think of a woman that comes to your home for check ups and also assists in homebirths.... Am I along the right lines? Gonna have to google again, man I love google LOL!!:happydance: GOnna have to get my world map out as well to see where bouts you girls live... LOL My ol' memory isn't too great ... LOL! By looking at some of your photo's, looks like most of you live in or by beautiful scenery ....:flower:

ummm...well, if your pregnancy is low risk, the midwife is the only person you tend to see her during your pregnancy until towards the end, she does your blood tests, checks for baby's heartbeat, organises your scan and is basically your primary contact. you see them at your doctors surgery, they work between several surgeries, with a base at the hospital (at least that's how it works in my town). She also comes to your home to check up on you after the birth. You also get midwifes based at the hospital, who help with the birth. My midwife is lovely. :flower:

I'll PM you where I live so you can google it ...don't want to blow my cover more than I have already, lol!:blush:

xx


----------



## Hellylou

Ah sorry about the BFN Kelly, but it could be too early still? I have never tested before AF due so I'm not sure how these things work. I know when I did test after AF was late with my last pregnancy, the line was really very faint even then. My cycle is a bit of a mystery anyway, so I think when TTC time comes it will really be a case of pot luck!

Midwives here (UK) are responsible for delivering babies and all antenatal care check ups. They do come to the house for home deliveries but are based in hospitals, and are responsible for delivering babies there. They go to GP surgeries to do the check ups.


----------



## Hellylou

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Thanks Girls!
> 
> Yep Tanya, The Ugly witch :witch: is due this Friday, 2 more days and last month I think she came a few days early... soo, guess we'll see... :flower: Thanks for all the encouragement, every bit helps :hugs: I'll be alright if baby doesn't happen this month (since this is first month ttc) I'll just keep getting on the horse and trying again... :thumbup: Now, if we're looking at another year and still no baby...... Kelly will be freaking out :winkwink: LOL!!
> 
> I am so relieved both you girls will be getting extra care & scans... When I was pregnant with Emma, I was placed in the "high risk" category and was seen ever 2 weeks and 1 a week to recieve 17p injections... I loved being seen that often... I was a nervous wreck and that seems to calm the mind just a tad....
> 
> Ok question ladies, when you say midwives, explain.... :winkwink: When I think of midwives I think of a woman that comes to your home for check ups and also assists in homebirths.... Am I along the right lines? Gonna have to google again, man I love google LOL!!:happydance: GOnna have to get my world map out as well to see where bouts you girls live... LOL My ol' memory isn't too great ... LOL! By looking at some of your photo's, looks like most of you live in or by beautiful scenery ....:flower:
> 
> ummm...well, if your pregnancy is low risk, the midwife is the only person you tend to see her during your pregnancy until towards the end, she does your blood tests, checks for baby's heartbeat, organises your scan and is basically your primary contact. you see them at your doctors surgery, they work between several surgeries, with a base at the hospital (at least that's how it works in my town). She also comes to your home to check up on you after the birth. You also get midwifes based at the hospital, who help with the birth. My midwife is lovely. :flower:
> 
> I'll PM you where I live so you can google it ...don't want to blow my cover more than I have already, lol!:blush:
> 
> xxClick to expand...

You explained this so much better than I did lol!


----------



## mhazzab

Hellylou said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Thanks Girls!
> 
> Yep Tanya, The Ugly witch :witch: is due this Friday, 2 more days and last month I think she came a few days early... soo, guess we'll see... :flower: Thanks for all the encouragement, every bit helps :hugs: I'll be alright if baby doesn't happen this month (since this is first month ttc) I'll just keep getting on the horse and trying again... :thumbup: Now, if we're looking at another year and still no baby...... Kelly will be freaking out :winkwink: LOL!!
> 
> I am so relieved both you girls will be getting extra care & scans... When I was pregnant with Emma, I was placed in the "high risk" category and was seen ever 2 weeks and 1 a week to recieve 17p injections... I loved being seen that often... I was a nervous wreck and that seems to calm the mind just a tad....
> 
> Ok question ladies, when you say midwives, explain.... :winkwink: When I think of midwives I think of a woman that comes to your home for check ups and also assists in homebirths.... Am I along the right lines? Gonna have to google again, man I love google LOL!!:happydance: GOnna have to get my world map out as well to see where bouts you girls live... LOL My ol' memory isn't too great ... LOL! By looking at some of your photo's, looks like most of you live in or by beautiful scenery ....:flower:
> 
> ummm...well, if your pregnancy is low risk, the midwife is the only person you tend to see her during your pregnancy until towards the end, she does your blood tests, checks for baby's heartbeat, organises your scan and is basically your primary contact. you see them at your doctors surgery, they work between several surgeries, with a base at the hospital (at least that's how it works in my town). She also comes to your home to check up on you after the birth. You also get midwifes based at the hospital, who help with the birth. My midwife is lovely. :flower:
> 
> I'll PM you where I live so you can google it ...don't want to blow my cover more than I have already, lol!:blush:
> 
> xxClick to expand...
> 
> You explained this so much better than I did lol!Click to expand...

hahaha I was thinking you did it much less waffley than me! x


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:
 

> Goooooood Morning Gang.... Bright Eyed and Bushy Tailed....
> 
> Well..... Poop ....... :bfn:
> 
> I really don't like those things... Stinkers ..:dohh:
> 
> Ok... Sooo, I guess I am just really getting "sick"... I am 12 dpo and would have thought if I was preg it would have shown something... but nope, it was a BOLD single line that showed up quickly... No faint nothing... Soo, I have 1 more hpt and I'd like to just hang onto it and see if AF shows in a few days....We'll see.....
> 
> Tanya, how are you feeling today?? Any new anything??
> 
> Hey Nikki! Glad to see ya back... Big Hugs Hon! :hugs:
> 
> Amanda & Mhairi... How are you lovely ladies feeling? Anything new to report??? :winkwink:

Aww I am sorry, Kelly.. But you know we are all in it to win it :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
You and me and all of us will get that :bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp:
I just know it...
XOXOXOOXOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Oh Kelly our witch is due only a couple of days apart (thats assuming my body is behaving itself and cycle is only 28 days this month) Some months is 32. The month before Jakob was conceived it was 64. :wacko::wacko: We were really excited that we were finally preggers but nope. 

The girls explained what a midwife is very well. Here in Ireland we have the option to go with midwife led care, shared care between the consultant & midwives & consultant care. Midwife led care is only for low risk pregnancies so I don't think I will get that next time around but it is so much quicker than shared care as your not waiting to see the consultant. Also midwives do most of the delivering here unless there is a problem and the consultant is needed. 

Kelly if it takes long to conceive this time I will crack up. I have it in my head that I want to be pregnant by Jakob's due date in December & if I'm not I know I will be a wreck but I suppose what will be will be and I just have to accept it.


----------



## jojo23

saying a prayer for you all to get your bfps girls xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## KamIAm

Hang in there Tanya.... You are very, VERY strong, beautiful woman... I pray you get your BFP SOON!!! :flower: ... Yes, our cycles are very close.... Fingers crossed babe ...:hugs:

( I love how your spelled jakob ... ) :flower:

Thanks Jo jo!!! How in the heck have you been??? Doing alrighty?? :flower:


----------



## MummyStobe

Wow so much has happened in here in the past 24 hours, struggling to keep up with all the activity.

Nikki  sorry you had a bad day yesterday, hope you've had a better day today :hugs:

Andrea  you never know October could still be your month, your body may surprise you :hugs:

Kelly  sorry about the bfn huni :hugs: but like the others have said its not over til the witch shows up. I was cd32 when I got my first bfp with Max but it was very very faint and the test my GP did on the same day came back negative. Can you believe I held out for 4 days before I tested again with a digi and saw it in writing?!

Tanya  I know exactly what you mean about not being able to wait until the witch is due to turn up. Never thought Id say that :haha: Ive still got a week to wait, shes due next Wednesday. I notice from your ticker that you lost your little one a day after I lost Max, so our cycles shouldnt be too far out of sync 

Mhairi and Amanda  hope your rainbows are cooking nicely and the first trimester symptoms are taking it easy on you

Thanks Jojo - how are you doing?

I know I said I wasn't going to but I've started doing it....symptom spotting...just can't help myself even though it's probably far too early and Im going to drive myself crazy doing it....feeling very sleepy :sleep: and a bit nauseous today

Sending lots and lots of :dust: to everyone still ttc this month. Fingers crossed for some more :bfp:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Sorry it was a BFN Kelly, it's n ot over yet though, I'm holding out hope for you! 

Thanks everyone, I'll be back later, off to buy fireworks for Guy Fawke's night. You only have a 3 day window here, they are not allowed to be sold any other time except New Year's, I think. I'm still in a bit of a mood but not so bad, you ladies have cheered me up somewhat. 

Bit OT but my wee girl is having trouble with her friend who's not being very kind to her and it's breaking my heart to see it after her having such a rough time losing her brothers, it's darkened my mood a lot! She's got a tiny sore throat toady which I wouldn't normally let her stay off for, but I have today and going to try to just have a wee cheeky day together doing some nice things. We bought a nice white Camelia bush yesterday so I think we'll plant up the boys' memorial pot today, with the placenta in and the snowdrops that my workmate dug out of her garden for me. These were the only things that were flowering when they were born (end of winter in NZ). I'm hoping it will help her get some closure.

Hope you all have a nice day!

xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Nikki_d72 said:


> Sorry it was a BFN Kelly, it's n ot over yet though, I'm holding out hope for you!
> 
> Thanks everyone, I'll be back later, off to buy fireworks for Guy Fawke's night. You only have a 3 day window here, they are not allowed to be sold any other time except New Year's, I think. I'm still in a bit of a mood but not so bad, you ladies have cheered me up somewhat.
> 
> Bit OT but my wee girl is having trouble with her friend who's not being very kind to her and it's breaking my heart to see it after her having such a rough time losing her brothers, it's darkened my mood a lot! She's got a tiny sore throat toady which I wouldn't normally let her stay off for, but I have today and going to try to just have a wee cheeky day together doing some nice things. We bought a nice white Camelia bush yesterday so I think we'll plant up the boys' memorial pot today, with the placenta in and the snowdrops that my workmate dug out of her garden for me. These were the only things that were flowering when they were born (end of winter in NZ). I'm hoping it will help her get some closure.
> 
> Hope you all have a nice day!
> 
> xxx

that's a lovely idea, to spend time with your daughter on a sneaky wee day off school, and to do what you have planned with the plants. Lovely. I planted some snowdrops the other day for my girls too. 
have a great day xxx


----------



## ericacaca

Hi there ladies, sorry not been chatting alot today... I think the illness stuff starts full on today! Still have a nasty throat, tired and feeling sick all the time. When I cough it feels like I'm going to be sick but I'm not - my whole body reflexes but nothing comes out! urgh! And I'm just getting so upset at the moment. I cried today thinking to myself I don't want to be sick like this if it means going through what happened to us in March... I HATE the not knowing and the constant anxiety of it all! And I know that we are so blessed to have concieved and everything but it is just so so so stressful at the moment. I am so grateful for you ladies. Thanks for listening and being there. xxx


----------



## Hellylou

:hugs:Hi ericacaca, sorry to hear you're feeling so poorly, and must be made worse by the stress and anxiety. I am yet to TTC but when I do, and if I get that rainbow pregnancy I just know it's going to be so tense and stressful, so I really feel for you. No matter what anyone says, it's impossible not to worry, and I don't think any of us will relax and 'enjoy' a pregnancy fully after what we have been through. Just take each day as it comes. Meditation can do wonders, and pregnancy yoga if you like that sort of thing.

Get well soon x:hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Just been to the toilet and there was a spot of blood tinged CM in my underwear :cry:


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Just been to the toilet and there was a spot of blood tinged CM in my underwear :cry:

Firstly, don't panic. Was there much? X

Edited to add: just going to bed, but just wanted to say I got a teeny bit of blood tinged CM just after my BFP, it was a very small blob, but definately blood. Haven't had anything at all since, that was over two weeks ago. Xxx


----------



## collie_crazy

No just a drop but its set my mind off now... I'm freaking out. Going to try and go to sleep too.


----------



## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> No just a drop but its set my mind off now... I'm freaking out. Going to try and go to sleep too.

Please don't panic, it will be ok and I think that is normal :hugs::hugs::hugs: Call your doctor in the morning ..I am sure everything is fine, please relax..
XOXOOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MissMaternal

mhazzab said:


> MissMaternal - how are you? I love the name you have chosen for your daughter :) xxx

Aw thanks hun...we love her name too :cloud9:

Kelly I'm sorry you got a bfn..there's still time though!

Collie I hope the spotting turns out to be nothing xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Here is TTC question again. I was doing my calculations again, 
Two periods in one month. Oct 3rd and then Oct 28(25 days apart) talk about weird.coming from someone whio never had less then 32-35 day cycle!

Ai iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii


----------



## Hellylou

collie_crazy said:


> Just been to the toilet and there was a spot of blood tinged CM in my underwear :cry:

Don't panic. I had something similar with my pregnancy very early on - light spotting before AF was due, and at 6 weeks I had brown blood for a full week before it settled down. They said it was implantation.

:hugs::hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

Amanda how are you this morning? Hope the spot of blood turns out to be nothing. Would your AF have been due about now? I've heard that you can sometimes experience spotting when your AF would have been due.
Thinking about you :hugs: x


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Here is TTC question again. I was doing my calculations again,
> Two periods in one month. Oct 3rd and then Oct 28(25 days apart) talk about weird.coming from someone whio never had less then 32-35 day cycle!
> 
> Ai iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

It can happen I am every 28 days and even after I lost Ava my periods were regular again. I lost Ava on March 3rd and I got my first period on April 10th and every one after that was normal. Except this July I got my period July 2nd then July 27th .. 25 days apart just like you, after that it went back to normal. It happens, Nat. I used to be every 32 to 35 days (Which is really long )then about 5 yeearsd ago i started to be every 24 days now for about 3 years I am every 28 days, our body changes so i would not worry to much over it, it is normal. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: 




collie_crazy said:


> Just been to the toilet and there was a spot of blood tinged CM in my underwear :cry:

How are you doing this morning, Amanda :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Please let us know we are all thinking of you..XOOXOX


----------



## KamIAm

Good Morning Ladies!!

Well... I think I may be out.... When I woke up this morning I didn't test because when I went to the bathroom I noticed a tiny spot of pink CMin my panties and when I wiped it was pink .... I'm guessing it is my AF showing... :dohh: Poopy .. :dohh:

Amanda, I'm thinking about you, please keep us posted.... FX'd and prayers your way!!! :hugs:

Nikki, I lovethat you are planting pretties for the boys! Perfect!! I bet the boys as well as your daughter loves it!

Erica, hope your feeling better and trying to relax a teeny bit... :hugs: Think alot about ya 

Mhairi.... All still ok and good??

Andy- You ok today HOn?? 

Well on to some more tracking and planning for another month of baby makin' .... :flower:


----------



## mhazzab

ericacaca said:


> Hi there ladies, sorry not been chatting alot today... I think the illness stuff starts full on today! Still have a nasty throat, tired and feeling sick all the time. When I cough it feels like I'm going to be sick but I'm not - my whole body reflexes but nothing comes out! urgh! And I'm just getting so upset at the moment. I cried today thinking to myself I don't want to be sick like this if it means going through what happened to us in March... I HATE the not knowing and the constant anxiety of it all! And I know that we are so blessed to have concieved and everything but it is just so so so stressful at the moment. I am so grateful for you ladies. Thanks for listening and being there. xxx

Erica - I'm sorry you've not been well, it's hard when you can't talke much for it. I was quite calm when I first got my BFP, but, as time goes on, I'm getting more and more attached to my little one, which I think is leading me to get more paranoid that something is going to go wrong and that I'm going to get hurt again. Let's try to get through this together. x 



KamIAm said:


> Good Morning Ladies!!
> 
> Well... I think I may be out.... When I woke up this morning I didn't test because when I went to the bathroom I noticed a tiny spot of pink CMin my panties and when I wiped it was pink .... I'm guessing it is my AF showing... :dohh: Poopy .. :dohh:
> 
> Mhairi.... All still ok and good??

Kelly, I'm sorry you've noticed some blood...grrr stupid witch. Well, if you look on the bright side, you and your man will get some more action again this month, more than you normally would if you are anything like me when it comes to baby making, lol.

I'm not great today, not baby related though. Dad has been taken into a Hospice this morning as he's now very weak, it was awful seeing him get carried out of the house, he was in so much pain. (he's got terminal cancer with just a few days left to go, apparantly). I'm feeling very emotional, it was so hard to watch, and was a very unwelcome reminder of my mum's death from cancer which will be four years ago next Saturday. Urgh, sorry guys, just feeling sorry for myself today. I think I will just have to go and eat some chocolate to cheer me up, I've been trying to eat healthily but sometimes a girl's just gotta have chocolate.

xxx


----------



## KamIAm

OH Mhairi!!! That is terrible!!! I hate this for you.... :nope:

I will be sending loves and prayers to you as well as your dad ... Spend as much time as you can with him... I know when I lost my grandmother (she raised me, she was my mom) .... at the end, I didn't want to see her like that so I hid ... Didn't visit as much.. It was hard seeing her so sick and wanted to remember her as she was BUT that is a HUGE regret of mine... Everyone else was there ALL the time and I wasn't.... Soooo, I'd say, no matter how hard it is seeing him sick and in pain, be there... In the long run, it's helpful.... I am sure you don't need any advice, since unfortunately you have experienced this with you mum .. 

That's comforting to know your girls are with your mum ... I love to imagine Emma with my grandmother, I can imagine her rocking and singing all her silly lil songs she used to sing.... &#9829;

I'll be thinking about you .... Please keep me posted.... Wish there was more I could do... :hugs:

Eats Lots of Chocolate!! Heck, Your allowed! :winkwink:


----------



## Hellylou

Mhairi, I am so sorry about your Dad - what a terrible time for you all. Thinking of you today :hugs::hugs:

And chocolate has iron in it - all good!


----------



## Andypanda6570

mhazzab said:


> ericacaca said:
> 
> 
> Hi there ladies, sorry not been chatting alot today... I think the illness stuff starts full on today! Still have a nasty throat, tired and feeling sick all the time. When I cough it feels like I'm going to be sick but I'm not - my whole body reflexes but nothing comes out! urgh! And I'm just getting so upset at the moment. I cried today thinking to myself I don't want to be sick like this if it means going through what happened to us in March... I HATE the not knowing and the constant anxiety of it all! And I know that we are so blessed to have concieved and everything but it is just so so so stressful at the moment. I am so grateful for you ladies. Thanks for listening and being there. xxx
> 
> Erica - I'm sorry you've not been well, it's hard when you can't talke much for it. I was quite calm when I first got my BFP, but, as time goes on, I'm getting more and more attached to my little one, which I think is leading me to get more paranoid that something is going to go wrong and that I'm going to get hurt again. Let's try to get through this together. x
> 
> 
> 
> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Good Morning Ladies!!
> 
> Well... I think I may be out.... When I woke up this morning I didn't test because when I went to the bathroom I noticed a tiny spot of pink CMin my panties and when I wiped it was pink .... I'm guessing it is my AF showing... :dohh: Poopy .. :dohh:
> 
> Mhairi.... All still ok and good??Click to expand...
> 
> Kelly, I'm sorry you've noticed some blood...grrr stupid witch. Well, if you look on the bright side, you and your man will get some more action again this month, more than you normally would if you are anything like me when it comes to baby making, lol.
> 
> I'm not great today, not baby related though. Dad has been taken into a Hospice this morning as he's now very weak, it was awful seeing him get carried out of the house, he was in so much pain. (he's got terminal cancer with just a few days left to go, apparantly). I'm feeling very emotional, it was so hard to watch, and was a very unwelcome reminder of my mum's death from cancer which will be four years ago next Saturday. Urgh, sorry guys, just feeling sorry for myself today. I think I will just have to go and eat some chocolate to cheer me up, I've been trying to eat healthily but sometimes a girl's just gotta have chocolate.
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

Mhairi.. I am so sorry. I know what it is like to be around someone with cancer it is so hard and to keep the faith and your strength is so hard as the days pass :cry::cry::cry: I want you to know I will light a candle for your father and you and I am sending so much love and hope.. Try to be strong, I know how hard this fight is for your dad.. We love you XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

I am sorry about your dad! I unfortunatly also know what is like to see 
someone who is dying in front of my eyes , but i cant imagine how hard it is 
being your parents. I know its not comparable , but I spend about 3-4 weeks
with my best friend , going in and out of the hospital to visit her dying grandpa. We knew eachother for more then 10 years and he just really deteriated in front of our eyes. Please stay strong as you can , its really tuff for you. Its nice to have people by your side that can help you get through this time. I know it does not mean much right now , but in my religion we believe that if someone close passes away, the fact taht you are expecting right now might mean that the soul of your dad might be your baby. I am sorry if it does not make sense. I am not good in explaining things.

Please stay strong and know that we are here for you if you ever need to talk 

Natalie


----------



## KamIAm

Update from me ..... :shipw:

It's official friends .... I'm out this time around.... The Ol' :witch: got me ... :dohh:

I'm feeling OK ... My spirits are still upbeat, I know IF and WHEN it's SUPPOSE to happen, our rainbow will come :winkwink:

Good Luck to the rest of you that are still waiting this month!!:hugs:

:dust::dust::dust:

:laundry: :iron: :dishes: :book: ..... Just keeping myself busy with all the normals in my wee lil life...

Thanks Chicka's for being such great friends and an amazing support system, I'm so thankful :friends:


----------



## Hellylou

KamIAm said:


> Update from me ..... :shipw:
> 
> It's official friends .... I'm out this time around.... The Ol' :witch: got me ... :dohh:
> 
> I'm feeling OK ... My spirits are still upbeat, I know IF and WHEN it's SUPPOSE to happen, our rainbow will come :winkwink:
> 
> Good Luck to the rest of you that are still waiting this month!!:hugs:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> :laundry: :iron: :dishes: :book: ..... Just keeping myself busy with all the normals in my wee lil life...
> 
> Thanks Chicka's for being such great friends and an amazing support system, I'm so thankful :friends:

Ah yuk sorry to hear this. Boo...:growlmad:

Glad to hear you're out but not down, if that makes sense! :haha:

Loving those little smilies. I will find something for what I am up to...

:fool:

That just about covers it! :hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

KamIAm said:


> Update from me ..... :shipw:
> 
> It's official friends .... I'm out this time around.... The Ol' :witch: got me ... :dohh:
> 
> I'm feeling OK ... My spirits are still upbeat, I know IF and WHEN it's SUPPOSE to happen, our rainbow will come :winkwink:
> 
> Good Luck to the rest of you that are still waiting this month!!:hugs:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> :laundry: :iron: :dishes: :book: ..... Just keeping myself busy with all the normals in my wee lil life...
> 
> Thanks Chicka's for being such great friends and an amazing support system, I'm so thankful :friends:

Aw boooooooooooo! :dohh:

On the plus side though... it means more practise :yipee::flasher: :shower: :sex:

And you can at least do this and not feel too bad about it......:drunk::wine:

And one day :spermy: will reach there and actually survive the journey! It is just truly amazing how hard it is for those little men to get in us you know! 

:dust:


----------



## KamIAm

Hee hee hee .... Love all those lil smileys' ..... :winkwink: :haha:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Mhairi, I'm so sorry about your Dad, I hope you find the strength to go through it with him, hopefully in hospice he'll get a bit of help with the pain at least. It's rotten. :hug:

Kam, so sorry the witch got you, you're still sounding so upbeat, you're amazing! Here's to next month and loads more :sex: Loads of :dust: for you. 

Collie, I hope you are OK? Has there been any more? It is more than likely just your little bean snuggling in some more. Also my cousin had a full-blown period for the first 3 months when she was pregnant (she actually got rushed to hospital in labour, thinking she had appendicitis, she had no clue she was pregnant. That still astounds me, I don't know how you could miss it, but that's another story - she was quite a big girl but still...). My point is, lots of women can bleed even a lot when they would be due their period normally and still be absolutely fine. It may just be your body trying to do it's normal thing. I know that probably won't stop you worrying, but I hope it helps a teeny bit. :hug: for you as well.

Erica, hope you are feeling better soon!

AFM, DD & I had a good day of retail therapy yesterday, spent too much but did buy loads of vegetable seeds, so hopefully will save us money in the long run and we can feel all smug about being healthy, if I manage to actually grow any. I've never grown veggies, only flowers and things, so we'll see. I bought a book too as all my gardening books are for the Northern Hemisphere and just too confusing to figure out all the months backwards! 

DD has decided she wants us all to do the boys big pot together so we haven't done that yet, will do at the weekend, as it's decided to snow to fairly low altitudes overnight, despite being about 18degrees a couple of days ago, mad. Hope you are all well, I'm still in a bit of a huff, hehe!


Love to allXXX


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Update from me ..... :shipw:
> 
> It's official friends .... I'm out this time around.... The Ol' :witch: got me ... :dohh:
> 
> I'm feeling OK ... My spirits are still upbeat, I know IF and WHEN it's SUPPOSE to happen, our rainbow will come :winkwink:
> 
> Good Luck to the rest of you that are still waiting this month!!:hugs:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> :laundry: :iron: :dishes: :book: ..... Just keeping myself busy with all the normals in my wee lil life...
> 
> Thanks Chicka's for being such great friends and an amazing support system, I'm so thankful :friends:

Yes you will remain upbeat till we both get our :bfp::bfp: and we WILL get them, my buddy.
Love your attitude, I will follow and stay positive..
XOXOOXOX

I wanted to ask has anyone heard from, Amanda?
I really hope she is ok, I am a little worried she has not been on today..If anyone has talked to her please let me know.. Ok I see Amanda was on today but she didn't post ?
XOXOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jojo23

sorry to hear the witch got you hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx mhairi so sorry to hear bout your dad my thoughts are with you hun!!


----------



## collie_crazy

Sorry if I worried anyone I didnt mean to :hugs: I was so busy yesterday had lots to do in the morning, my 2nd psychology appointment and then work at 3pm - I did manage to get on but only on my phone and then it wouldnt let me post! Grrr! :growlmad: :grr: Anyway I am ok - no more blood or anything since then. 

You know actually I feel very conflicted right now. I really wanted to get pregnant and I am excited that I am but I am so scared that something will happen. I cant even bring myself to add a ticker and I havent called the doctor yet - its like I feel myself trying not to acknowledge it too much :cry: The last time me and OH were so excited we talked all the time about names nd plans and things and this time hardly anything - its like we are scared to make plans and get happy again. It makes me sad. 

Anyway enough of my pity party! 

Mhairi I am so sorry to hear about your dad. It must be so tough on you all :hugs: Cancer is such a cruel and awful disease :cry: Eat as much chocolate as you want - you deserve it :hugs: 

Kelly I am sorry :witch: got you :gun: She is a very wicked witch indeed! But I am glad you are staying positive - onwards and upwards :aww:

Erica :hugs: I'm sorry you are feeling so ill... But think of it as a good sign too hunny, lots of sickness = lots of hormones = strong beany :hugs: 

Nikki sorry your still in a huff but it cant be long till its time to start the BDing again is it? Good luck with the veggies plan I cant even keep a plant alive! I've managed a cactus for the last 6 months and its still alive :thumbup: Cant believe there is snow around you. I think it will be coming here too soon - they're predicting another horrible freezing snowy winter :nope:

:mamafy:


----------



## Hellylou

So glad the spotting has stopped, Amanda! :hugs:

I can understand the subdued reaction to the pregnancy. I think it's a mixed blessing - wanted so badly, then when it happens reality sinks in, because you know how worried and cautious you're going to be this time around. It's going to be a rollercoaster ride for all of us getting our rainbow babies for sure. I still look forward to being on that ride though, scary though it will be!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Amanda, so glad you are OK. I can imagine how scary it is and not acknowledging it fully is a self-defense mechanism and seems to be pretty common, from what I've read. I hope you can find some small sense of calm even for a few minutes each day.

I'm not that confident on the veggie thing but it gives me something to focus on, there's quite a lot to learn and very different climate from I was used to so learning to do things differently! 

Oh I hope you don't get another of those freaky winters - the one we left in was bad enough and then the next was worse again, I thought there was no way it could be repeated! It was wall-to wall snow and ice for about 3 months solid in Central Scotland, it was insane. 

Hope everyone is well. My AF is coming to an end I think but I'm still mega-crampy, I never normally get this for this long. I'm getting pain near my left ovary area as well, it's bizarre. I'm worrying now that there could be some residual infection there. I was given IV before discharge from hospital then 2 types of anti-b's for two weeks but how do they know it's gone, no tests were done? I'm getting paranoid I know but it is odd.


----------



## Andypanda6570

I am so happy you are ok, Amanda...:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I think i would feel the same as you if I got my BFP :nope::nope:
I want to be pregnant SO bad , but I am SO terrified also, so I think I have an idea of how you feel. I think it is totally normal to feel this way. I think it will take a while and honestly I think you will be nervous the whole pregnancy until you finally have your precious baby, I know I will be. You have youth on your side, Amanad and I just know everything will be ok and you will have a healthy pregnancy. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

Amanda, I know how you feel. We didnt see doctors until last weeks at just over 6 weeks and I just wanted to drag it out and see him later than that. And then when I was told you need to see the midwife at around 8 - 10 weeks I wanted to see her at 10 weeks, but got 8! argh! Last time I saw midwife at 6 weeks.... I just don't want to do all these official things yet if it doesnt happen for us again! Our scan is at 12 weeks. 

I'm off to see midwife now, I'm pretty sure she's going to moan about my weight... I've put on at least 20lbs since losing baby girl. Argh! 

Erica xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Good Morning Ladies!!! :coffee: 

I'm telling ya, I am SUPER excited to see Amanda has returned to the flock and checked in with us.. :winkwink: Hahaha :haha: Young Lady, don't make me .... :winkwink::haha: Anyways, Amanda... I was just worried and thought ALOT of you... SO glad you posted and let us know how your doing.. I understand the busy part though too.... :flower: SOOO thankful to hear the bleeding stopped! BUT like Nikki said, I have heard women who have their periods through out their entire pregnancy.. I'd just watch it tho... I completely understand your fears, as much as I want to have my rainbow, just the thought scares the crap out of me, think once I see bfp.. my butt will no longer move and be admitted into the looney bin :wacko: LOL... It is scary for sure!!! Just know we are ALWAYS here for you ...:hugs:

Nikki... One with the green thumb .. :thumbup: I have recently found a love and passion for planting... Still don't know much, at all but I suddenly love it... This has been since Emma, I think it's just another distraction that I have found ... I like to find lots LOL... :winkwink: (I also bought a book and DVD to teach me how to knit LOL) .. I'd love to have a garden but I don't have much room where we are living at the moment BUT once we move, Yippee... Gardening here I come! Nikki, I can't believe it's already that cold there!!! WOW!!!! :cold::cold: Mercy! Guess I never really thought about y'alls weather that way ... It's just now starting to get chilly here, kids finally wore coats this morning to school but once the sun comes out coats will be off.. It's gonna be warm and sunny here today!! YAY ... 

Mhairi and Erica... How are you fine ladies doing today??? Erica- you have an appointment today or soon? Did I read that right? Whew, when I read the previous post that was a LONG 5 minutes ago LOL... Mhairi, when is your next appoinment?? Gotta keep tabs on you girls :flower:

Andy, I find TRYING to stay positive.. helps thru pretty crappy stuff makes it not as crappy... :winkwink: ... I know, like my terminology :winkwink: :amartass::haha: Sooo , here's to positive waiting for our lil rainbows ... :dust:

Tanya... How in the heck are you feeling??? You know I HAVE to symptom spot you ... Hahaha ... :happydance: Your AF is due this weekend right?? Sooo, I'll be doing the Anti-AF dance for you ... FX'd! :dust:

MummyStobe... You been doing alright???? :flower:

OH! AFM, I'm great.... Just enjoying day 2 of this AF! YEA RIGHT! :rofl: Just hanging in there and being thankful for everyday I get and for everything and everyone I have in my life ... 

Hope you all are having a great day!! :hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

I am such a POAS-aholic I think I need to go to counselling or something for it :rofl: I just peed on a clearblue digi and it now says Pregnant 2-3 :happydance:


----------



## KamIAm

Amanda.... I'd be doing the exact same thing!! In fact, think I'd be continuing to POAS until I have my first scan! :happydance: :dohh: :rofl:

So glad to hear those results tho..... Yay... A lil farther, growing that baby!! :happydance::hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

Hi there ladies. Back from booking appointment with midwife. I've been referred to a consultant to be on the safe side as when we lost Baby I lost alot of blood once I delivered - and that should be looked into. Plus I have a BMI over 30 so am classed as "low risk". But I know that I havent got diabetes or anything and I've been over 30 before, before I lost alot of weight so its nothing to really get worried about. My blood pressure isnt too bad either so thats a bonus. 

Midwife was really sympathetic about our loss at 18 weeks. At first she thought I said 10 so I had to re-explain that I knew the procedures etc and that I was in labour with Baby. 

Funny thing is, when she introduced herself she said "I'll be seeing you right up until your baby is in your arms" I welled up... and blubbing even thinking about it now. God, I really want this one to stick around. 

Hope you are all ok and glad its Friday! 

Erica xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

ericacaca said:


> Hi there ladies. Back from booking appointment with midwife. I've been referred to a consultant to be on the safe side as when we lost Baby I lost alot of blood once I delivered - and that should be looked into. Plus I have a BMI over 30 so am classed as "low risk". But I know that I havent got diabetes or anything and I've been over 30 before, before I lost alot of weight so its nothing to really get worried about. My blood pressure isnt too bad either so thats a bonus.
> 
> Midwife was really sympathetic about our loss at 18 weeks. At first she thought I said 10 so I had to re-explain that I knew the procedures etc and that I was in labour with Baby.
> 
> Funny thing is, when she introduced herself she said "I'll be seeing you right up until your baby is in your arms" I welled up... and blubbing even thinking about it now. God, I really want this one to stick around.
> 
> Hope you are all ok and glad its Friday!
> 
> Erica xxx

This baby will stick around and he or she will be beautiful, I know it :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so very happy for and so proud of you, you are so strong and so brave and you don't even know it.:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:
I am thinking of you and sending so much love..XOOXOOXOOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Andypanda6570 said:


> ericacaca said:
> 
> 
> Hi there ladies. Back from booking appointment with midwife. I've been referred to a consultant to be on the safe side as when we lost Baby I lost alot of blood once I delivered - and that should be looked into. Plus I have a BMI over 30 so am classed as "low risk". But I know that I havent got diabetes or anything and I've been over 30 before, before I lost alot of weight so its nothing to really get worried about. My blood pressure isnt too bad either so thats a bonus.
> 
> Midwife was really sympathetic about our loss at 18 weeks. At first she thought I said 10 so I had to re-explain that I knew the procedures etc and that I was in labour with Baby.
> 
> Funny thing is, when she introduced herself she said "I'll be seeing you right up until your baby is in your arms" I welled up... and blubbing even thinking about it now. God, I really want this one to stick around.
> 
> Hope you are all ok and glad its Friday!
> 
> Erica xxx
> 
> This baby will stick around and he or she will be beautiful, I know it :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so very happy for and so proud of you, you are so strong and so brave and you don't even know it.:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:
> I am thinking of you and sending so much love..XOOXOOXOOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Well said, Andrea - I'll second that! XXX


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ericacaca said:
> 
> 
> Hi there ladies. Back from booking appointment with midwife. I've been referred to a consultant to be on the safe side as when we lost Baby I lost alot of blood once I delivered - and that should be looked into. Plus I have a BMI over 30 so am classed as "low risk". But I know that I havent got diabetes or anything and I've been over 30 before, before I lost alot of weight so its nothing to really get worried about. My blood pressure isnt too bad either so thats a bonus.
> 
> Midwife was really sympathetic about our loss at 18 weeks. At first she thought I said 10 so I had to re-explain that I knew the procedures etc and that I was in labour with Baby.
> 
> Funny thing is, when she introduced herself she said "I'll be seeing you right up until your baby is in your arms" I welled up... and blubbing even thinking about it now. God, I really want this one to stick around.
> 
> Hope you are all ok and glad its Friday!
> 
> Erica xxx
> 
> This baby will stick around and he or she will be beautiful, I know it :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so very happy for and so proud of you, you are so strong and so brave and you don't even know it.:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:
> I am thinking of you and sending so much love..XOOXOOXOOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Well said, Andrea - I'll second that! XXXClick to expand...

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, Sorry I have been MIA for a couple of days. I'm going to read back on the posts & see how you all have been getting on. :flower:


----------



## yazoo

KamIAm said:


> Hang in there Tanya.... You are very, VERY strong, beautiful woman... I pray you get your BFP SOON!!! :flower: ... Yes, our cycles are very close.... Fingers crossed babe ...:hugs:
> 
> ( I love how your spelled jakob ... ) :flower:
> 
> Thanks Jo jo!!! How in the heck have you been??? Doing alrighty?? :flower:

Aww Thanks Kelly. :flower: I love the spelling of Jakob's name too. I'm sorry the blasted witch got you. :nope: It is great that you are so upbeat. It just means another month of more practice. :thumbup:

Hey Hayley, Jakob was born a day after Max so we should be fairly similar alright. What symptoms are you having? 

Nikki I hope you enjoyed the day with your wee one. You & her deserve it. 

Amanda I am so glad that the spot of blood turned out to be nothing. :hugs: I know I haven't got pregnant yet but I think I will be exactly the same as you. We were so excited last time I was pregnant but I feel like next time I won't get as excited because I will just be setting myself up for another hard fall. As time goes on hun & you experience no problems your excitement will grow & you will be able to enjoy your pregnancy & celebrate the life inside of you. 

Erica chin up babe, all the worrying and anxiety will be worth it in the end when you are taking your little rainbow home from hospital. 

I have my little godson visiting at the moment. He is the cutest thing ever. He's only 7 months old. I love having him here but it makes me kind of sad too thinking of Jakob & how they would have been buddies & grew up together. As far as symptoms go all I am experiencing is super wind but I get that before and during AF (sorry TMI). Other than that I don't really have any symptoms. I really hope the witch doesn't show her face but if she does then I will keep my chin up & try again. This baby making stuff isn't exactly an easy task for those :spermy:. Feeling a little more positive today, the thoughts of AF showing up a couple of days ago filled me with dread but I think Andrea & Kelly's positivity has rubbed off on me. lol


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Hang in there Tanya.... You are very, VERY strong, beautiful woman... I pray you get your BFP SOON!!! :flower: ... Yes, our cycles are very close.... Fingers crossed babe ...:hugs:
> 
> ( I love how your spelled jakob ... ) :flower:
> 
> Thanks Jo jo!!! How in the heck have you been??? Doing alrighty?? :flower:
> 
> Aww Thanks Kelly. :flower: I love the spelling of Jakob's name too. I'm sorry the blasted witch got you. :nope: It is great that you are so upbeat. It just means another month of more practice. :thumbup:
> 
> Hey Hayley, Jakob was born a day after Max so we should be fairly similar alright. What symptoms are you having?
> 
> Nikki I hope you enjoyed the day with your wee one. You & her deserve it.
> 
> Amanda I am so glad that the spot of blood turned out to be nothing. :hugs: I know I haven't got pregnant yet but I think I will be exactly the same as you. We were so excited last time I was pregnant but I feel like next time I won't get as excited because I will just be setting myself up for another hard fall. As time goes on hun & you experience no problems your excitement will grow & you will be able to enjoy your pregnancy & celebrate the life inside of you.
> 
> Erica chin up babe, all the worrying and anxiety will be worth it in the end when you are taking your little rainbow home from hospital.
> 
> I have my little godson visiting at the moment. He is the cutest thing ever. He's only 7 months old. I love having him here but it makes me kind of sad too thinking of Jakob & how they would have been buddies & grew up together. As far as symptoms go all I am experiencing is super wind but I get that before and during AF (sorry TMI). Other than that I don't really have any symptoms. I really hope the witch doesn't show her face but if she does then I will keep my chin up & try again. This baby making stuff isn't exactly an easy task for those :spermy:. Feeling a little more positive today, the thoughts of AF showing up a couple of days ago filled me with dread but I think Andrea & Kelly's positivity has rubbed off on me. lolClick to expand...

It will happen for you I know it. Just keep the faith and know we are all in this together..
XOXOOXOXOX :hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss:


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## collie_crazy

Erica I'm glad your appointment went ok and your midwife was nice :hugs: I'm also pleased to see that you are having the blood loss looked into and under consultant care :) I'm sure they will look after you - and what your midwife said is true - this will be your take home baby :hugs: 

Thinking of you Tanya! Lots of people dont have any symptoms before a BFP so fingers crossed for you! 

How are the rest of us doing? 

I hope Mhairi is doing ok :( Thinking of her lots today :hugs: 

I got a little gift in the post today and its really made me smile!
 



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## MummyStobe

Sorry that the :witch: got you Kelly but its good to see you staying so positive and think of all the fun you can have :sex: next month :winkwink:

Amanda Im so pleased that the spot of blood turned out to be nothing and that your POAS has showed that you are now even more pregnant :happydance: I completely understand how you are feeling at the moment. Although I havent got my :bfp: yet, I know that I wont be able to get excited when I do. Im going to be so terrified and Ive already decided that we are going to keep it quiet for as long as possible (with the exception of you ladies!)

Erica Im glad to hear that your midwife appointment went well and you have been referred to the consultant for extra care. I really believe this will be your take home baby.

Tanya Im sure that Max and Jakob are playing and causing mischief with all the other angel babies :hugs: My nephew is 7 months old too and he is the most amazing little person, I love him so much but he makes me want one of my own that little bit more than I already do. Have you POAS yet? Im holding out til next week but Im only managing it because I havent got any in the house. Not really had any more symptoms except with both my other pregnancies I had a patch of skin on my back that went really dry and itchy and last night it was itching like crazy again  Im probably reading too much into it though and dont want to get my hopes up.

Thinking about Mhairi today. Sending big :hug:


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## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Erica I'm glad your appointment went ok and your midwife was nice :hugs: I'm also pleased to see that you are having the blood loss looked into and under consultant care :) I'm sure they will look after you - and what your midwife said is true - this will be your take home baby :hugs:
> 
> Thinking of you Tanya! Lots of people dont have any symptoms before a BFP so fingers crossed for you!
> 
> How are the rest of us doing?
> 
> I hope Mhairi is doing ok :( Thinking of her lots today :hugs:
> 
> I got a little gift in the post today and its really made me smile!

That is absolutely beautiful and so precious, cherish it..
XOXOXOOXO Thinking Of You..:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

thanks for your messages guys, I really appreciate it.

I'm doing okay, feeling quite strong at the moment, dad is no longer in any pain and died peacefully, and for that, I am grateful. 

The funeral is on Thursday, and for the next few days while my brother is in town we just have lots to organise as we are joint executors of the will and jointly inherit everything so there's lots to do.

Before you ask...I've been making sure I look after myself and my little one. I'm only 6 weeks yet my stomach has really grown in the last couple of days and I look visibly pregnant...my plan to keep it quiet till I get close to when I lost the girls is now probably out the window!!

I got an appointment in the post to see the consultant on the 15th, it included information on a scan, so hopefully I will be getting one of those :happydance:

Hope you are all okay, I've been trying to read all the posts but just haven't been up to replying. 

Going out tonight to the local fireworks display, this is one of my favourite days of the year so should put a smile on my face. :yipee:

xx


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## KamIAm

Well, as you all know ... This was our first month of ttc after the loss of Emma and we're out this month ..... BUT wanted to share something with you girls..

First off I must say, my dear OH is NOT, let me repeat.. He is NOT a talker... He never talks about ANYTHING, much less anything too touchy, such as Emma... We NEVER NEVER NEVER talk about her together... I talk about her all the time, and include her in MY daily life but not OURS ... I know, it sucks but that's the way he is... I'm learning (slowly) that everyone deals differently:flower: Anyways.... We was home alone last night (this usually happens MAYBE once a month) so when this happens we enjoy it... We decided to go out for a nice dinner... So, I gussy myself up , heck, even put on makeup! LOL :winkwink: ~That's another change since Emma, I used to pretty myself up everyday but now that hardly ever happens, I know I have to change that :winkwink: ... 

Anyways back on track... lol... We go to dinner and while we're sitting there chit chatting a lil a lady walks over to our table and as soon as I look up I seen who she was I felt all the blood rush from my head.... It was the chaplin that did Emma's memorial service! Ugh! Yea! She did the normal, "how are you both?" stuff... He immediately kept answeing her in simple short and sweet answers... In fact, he said "we're perfect!" ..she just looked at him with THIS look ... Good Grief.... Well after some small chit chat and mentioning that she has missed me at our local meetings (I have been going alone, he won't) and then she left....Well, it just opened the door for conversation! :thumbup: He was uncomfortable the entire time she was there and for a lil afterwards but finally settled down so then I pounced :winkwink: We had a nice lil chat of Emma and he finally shared a teeny tiny bit of feelings... He misses her.... Emma was his first... And then he said the minute I told him I stated my AF this month, he felt sad, a kick in the gut. Wow, that is a LOT for him to say... I'm telling ya , he never talks about how he thinks, what he wants, how he feels... He's one of those :dohh: lol.... Well, we really didn't talk too much cuz I purposely didnt' wanna sadden our date sooo that was about it.... 
When we went home shared some cuddles and feel asleep..... When we woke this morning I mentioned to him that I had a CRAZY real dream! It was sooo real it was wild and I chalked it up to the fact that we had THAT conversation last night... So I told him a quick version of my dream, (we had a baby, it was a boy, we named him William Benjamin, and called him Ben) ... Well, after I mentioned I had a dream, he said he did too......
Are you ready for this!!!!!!!:flower:
He said something woke him early this morning, he thought he was awake, it was the voice of a little girl... Saying.. "I'm ok daddy" ....:flower: 
Well, the weird thing, He actually woke me up early this morning, he was talking in his sleep, saying "I'm ok too."!! When I heard him, I thought maybe he was awake so I asked him "what honey?" but he never answered and I seen he was actually sleeping so I just left that alone and went back to sleep ... WEIRD! 

Wow!!

As soon as he told me this I got chills and a sudden wave of excitement and peace.. First that he finally experienced something and secondly that he shared this with me! .... I have experienced weird dreams before , right after her passing, but he always just looked at me like I was just going crazy and that it was just greif... To be honest, I have always been a critic with this issue. NEver believed in these things, until Emma....

I can't tell you how different I feel and think this morning....:kiss:

OK..Honesty time....When we decided last month to start ttc, I wanted to soo badly BUT I felt terribly guilty and felt like I shouldn't, like I was trying to replace Em'! I actually felt like I was trying to hide it from her as well as everyone else... SIlly huh ... :nope: Today, I feel as she is really OK, and OK with mom and dad trying to give her a lil sibing .. :flower: I feel on cloud nine :cloud9: since me and OH actually talked and he shared so much with me... 
We got to share our Emma together for a brief evening...... I'll treasure that time until next time :flower:

Thanks friends for reading my long rambling.... :hugs:

And Andrea...... I guess maybe the girls thinks it's long enough, and that their mommies need to start feeling better ... :hugs::hugs::hugs:
Love their lil visits .... :flower: :cloud9:


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## KamIAm

Oooohhh... I was soo excited about sharing that story forgot to mention something else....:flower:

Praying November is my month!! :happydance: I know crazy huh ...:winkwink: Lil fast huh ... Not being pushy am I LOL!!:haha:

Let me explain .... All 3 of my girls was concieved in November!!!.... got my BFP's with each of them in December... In fact, December 10th is the day I peed on the stick to find out Emma was added to our family ... :happydance: 

I have never stopped and put all that together until now... :dohh:

Their birthday dates is ... August 2 ... August 15 (emma due date) and then August 28!!! IF I got preg again this November, I'd have another August baby!!! :happydance:

How weird is all that???? 

I know, I am seriously going crazy now... It's official :wacko: :haha:


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## MummyStobe

Wow Kelly I have just had a major case of goose bumps reading your story. I'm sat in what was going to be Max's room (next to a boiling radiator) and I'm now freezing cold and have got the strangest feeling running down my back and arms.

I'm so pleased that Emma has bern able to give you a sign that she is ok and that it is ok to ttc and you have gained comfort from your experience. It reconfirms my belief that all of our angels are with us and want us to be happy Xx


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## MummyStobe

Actually your story has reminded me of a couple of experiences I have had since losing Max that I would like to share.

Firstly, my MIL has a friend who is a bit if a medium, she's done a couple of readings for me in the past and there has always been something very specific to me in them that has been true/has gone on to happen. The biggest one being that she said there was going to be a pregnancy on a maternal link to me and that the pregnancy was going to come with lots of jealously that would have to be kept in check. Well in 2010 just after me and Mark got married my little sister (who has never wanted babies) found out she was pregnant and there was me, newly married and desperate to start a family and yes I was very very jealous. I admitted my feelings to my sister and she helped me work through them and my nephew is the most precious little human being and the one person who had never failed to make me smile since losing Max. 

Anyway I've gone off the point. MIL's friend has passed on the message that both of our babies are watching over us and they both love us and that the first baby was also a little boy who looks just like Mark. I struggled to accept this at first because I don't really think of my early miscarriage as losing a baby, I coped at the time because it had never got as far as developing into a baby, it was just cells to me but I now get comfort from knowing they are together and probably causing all sorts of trouble!

Also MIL's friend bought her a handkerchief embrodied with a butterfly for her birthday (the Monday before we lost Max). Butterflies were the theme of our wedding and we have seen them in the strangest of places since losing Max, it was almost like the gift was a sumbol of tears and that butterflies are important.

Secondly, one night when I went to bed I was feeling particularly sad, I asked Max out loud to come and cuddle me. I fell asleep with the blanket that we had wrapped him in at the hospital and in the middle of the night I was woken by the feeling of someone wrapping their arms around me as if they were cuddling me from behind. I was facing Mark at the time and there was no one behind me.

And lastly, one of my hobbies is cross stitch, I was always going to sew something for Max and decided I still want to even after losing him. I'm stitching his name with 2 Peter Rabbit characters as they were on the blanket the hospital gave us. One day as I was working on this, one of my legs went ice cold but the rest of my body was warm. I told Mark that Max was sat on my knee and I explained what I could feel, he felt my leg and compared it to other parts of my body and said he could feel it too. After i'd acknowledged it the cold feeling intensified and the hand that Mark touched me with was also freezing cold.

I've got great comfort from all of these experiences and I really believe they have helped me come to terms with losing Max.

I love you my little angel, I know you'll always be with me and you'll be forever in my heart until the day I can hold you in my arms again.


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## KamIAm

Wow MummyStobe!!! What amazing stories!! Thank YOU for sharing with us!! WOW ... :flower:

I would love to hear everyone's stories... 

I treasure all my lil visit's from Emma... Before I lost her, I honestly wasn't a true believer... man, has she changed my opinion...

I went to the cemetery this afternoon ...took her a pretty pink heart shaped balloon with a princess wand :flower:
 



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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: (happy tears) I think we all our getting signs in our own way, how precious it that? :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
I was so weak and I can't even say how much I have cried over this little miracle that was taken from me. Thursday i cried so so much that one eye was swollen shut .. That is when I screamed please give me something please let me know she is ok, I can't take this pain in my soul anymore, I just could not take it anymore :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

Friday that woman came to me, I just cherish this encounter and I know it was God and Ava telling me I need to let go, I need to move on and I need to start living for myself. Our angels know that we will be with them one day and they will have us all to themselves forever, but I think in the mean time they want us to take care of things down here and let them live up there.

Just let me say this I am not a believer in anything mystical or psychic stuff and I need a lot of proof of demons and angels and supernatural stuff. But somehow in some way I believe that when someone passes and they watch people they love suffer so much that they will do anything to get a message to them so they know it is ok, these are our messages, we know our babies are up there and they are ok. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
A complete stranger told me things she could have never known, hugged me and then walked out of my life.
I am a believer now and I think only when it happens to you will you be one also.

Don 't worry if you didn't get your sign yet, you will.
XOXOOXO I love you all so very much .....................:hugs:


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## ericacaca

Thank you so much for all the positivity ladies... I'm feeling it and really trying to believe it too and hear it without welling up all the time! 

Gosh, there are alot of signs ladies. And I'm glad you've been given peace about things lately... As a christian the one thing that gets me through is knowing that our little girl is in heaven and we will meet her one day! My friend has a huge massive family there (she's had over 5 miscarriages) and one day her dream of having that will come true. My friend from church said to me a few weeks after it happened that he believed it was a girl and she would be singing her heart out all the time and God loving it..... I didnt know if she was a girl then as he said this before we had our post mortem... my Auntie also told me she believed Baby was a girl too. 

The morning we had a really faint line with this baby I went to mass with school (its a Catholic school) and the reading was from Luke when the angel Gabriel said to Mary to not be afraid and she will be with child and give birth to a son! Not that I'm going to give birth to the 2nd coming or anything..... but as soon as I heard these words I was shaking and really hoping noone else saw me! Needless to say that evening we checked again and it was a BFP! 

But to me I'm still realy cynical about it.... I won't believe its a sign until its actually proven right. I'm not as trusting as I was before, and as understandable as that I wish I was again. 

Hope you're having a lovely evening xxx


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## Andypanda6570

ericacaca said:


> Thank you so much for all the positivity ladies... I'm feeling it and really trying to believe it too and hear it without welling up all the time!
> 
> Gosh, there are alot of signs ladies. And I'm glad you've been given peace about things lately... As a christian the one thing that gets me through is knowing that our little girl is in heaven and we will meet her one day! My friend has a huge massive family there (she's had over 5 miscarriages) and one day her dream of having that will come true. My friend from church said to me a few weeks after it happened that he believed it was a girl and she would be singing her heart out all the time and God loving it..... I didnt know if she was a girl then as he said this before we had our post mortem... my Auntie also told me she believed Baby was a girl too.
> 
> The morning we had a really faint line with this baby I went to mass with school (its a Catholic school) and the reading was from Luke when the angel Gabriel said to Mary to not be afraid and she will be with child and give birth to a son! Not that I'm going to give birth to the 2nd coming or anything..... but as soon as I heard these words I was shaking and really hoping noone else saw me! Needless to say that evening we checked again and it was a BFP!
> 
> But to me I'm still realy cynical about it.... I won't believe its a sign until its actually proven right. I'm not as trusting as I was before, and as understandable as that I wish I was again.
> 
> Hope you're having a lovely evening xxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Wow, those stories are amazing! So glad you are being brought some peace with these unmistakable signs ladies. xxx

All the best to you all xxx


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## dnlfinker

I would lke to thank Andrea and Kelly for their amazing inspiring stories. It actually made me think of something. About a month ago, my parents went to Russia and my mom visited my grandfathers grave. He died when I was 2. Years old but somehow thnk about him often/ and feel his presence.
Anyways , when my mom came back, she told me a story of how she went to
His grave and told him about what happened .he "responded" that he knows everything " and that everything is ok. My mom told me that she prayed that I will be able to have more. I am crying because you guys made me realize something that I took forgranted.

My husband and I never talk about our little girl and with the help of this forum, you help me keep her memory alive! She is forever loved and never forgoten.

My witch mother in law told me that I should not share my story , my little girl with others because nobody cares and will understand. Boy was she wrong, I am so glad I got you guys!


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## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> I would lke to thank Andrea and Kelly for their amazing inspiring stories. It actually made me think of something. About a month ago, my parents went to Russia and my mom visited my grandfathers grave. He died when I was 2. Years old but somehow thnk about him often/ and feel his presence.
> Anyways , when my mom came back, she told me a story of how she went to
> His grave and told him about what happened .he "responded" that he knows everything " and that everything is ok. My mom told me that she prayed that I will be able to have more. I am crying because you guys made me realize something that I took forgranted.
> 
> My husband and I never talk about our little girl and with the help of this forum, you help me keep her memory alive! She is forever loved and never forgoten.
> 
> My witch mother in law told me that I should not share my story , my little girl with others because nobody cares and will understand. Boy was she wrong, I am so glad I got you guys!

:cry::cry: Aww Natalie that is so very sweet. Don't listen to your mother in law she is wrong. Your baby is with you always and is waiting for you, I promise you and I believe that now . From the day I joined this forum and when I lost Ava I always said the thing with me is I lost my hope :cry::cry: but after what happened with this stranger I have it back. Natalie, I have so much peace in me and now I realize Ava is ok and I can move forward..
I am glad you are here with us, we love you ya know..
XOXOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## dnlfinker

My mother inlaw also lost her little girl when She was 5 years old so wheN I lost mine, she said that its nothing compared to when she lost and that i should keep my mouth shut. After D&E she didn't talk to me to ask how I was.both my husband and her act like it never happened. My parents are also like that so I feel that I am alone and acting like that too .


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## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> My mother inlaw also lost her little girl when She was 5 years old so wheN I lost mine, she said that its nothing compared to when she lost and that i should keep my mouth shut. After D&E she didn't talk to me to ask how I was.both my husband and her act like it never happened. My parents are also like that so I feel that I am alone and acting like that too .

Since your mother in law knows how devastating this is she should be there for you, i am sure she is and always will be in a lot of pain, i am sorry they are not more sympathetic toward you//
You are never alone, Natalie, ever..:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
If you want you can message me and I will give you my phone number, I mean we live close to one another. If you don't feel comfortable that is fine I completely understand, just know I am always here for you..XOXO :hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

dnlfinker said:


> My mother inlaw also lost her little girl when She was 5 years old so wheN I lost mine, she said that its nothing compared to when she lost and that i should keep my mouth shut. After D&E she didn't talk to me to ask how I was.both my husband and her act like it never happened. My parents are also like that so I feel that I am alone and acting like that too .

Wow... I am deeply saddened that it doesn't sound like you have a strong support system in your real life..... My OH doesn't like to speak of Emma, he says it's "too painful" ... but I've never been told that or treated that way, that truly breaks my heart..... Please, know it isn't wrong to speak of your daughter, doesn't matter the age or gestation... A loss is a loss.... Wish your MIL was aware of that and a lil more thoughtful and understanding... Just know you are truly never alone... Just log in and we'll always be here for you!!! Wish I could hug you in person, LOL... But know I am sending you loves and hugs tonight..:hugs:


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## dnlfinker

My husband was very supportive every step of the way . When we were in the hospital trying to find out what is going on( 6 week period because baby was small and they couldnt identify the exxactreason and severity of her issues) , then for the CVS procedure and again for D&E . I am so thankfull to him that he was there. If it was not him I would not survive all of this . With every visit(it took 6 to 8 hours each time) in the Mount Sinai Hospital , he took off work and everything; He does not talk about her but if I have to say something he will listen and say (yea or ok). He must be in pain from all of this as he was watching me and knew everything that went on since the day we found out to the day of the procedure. I dont blame him at all for this , its hard for him too. He really does not share his feeling or personal stuff , he holds it in , so I understand why he does not talk about her . MIL on the other hand , i dont understand but I dont want to blame her because of all that went on. We had our family issues with my MIL and i kind of think that this is the reason it happened for me(meaning my little girl). It was an eye opener so upon this day , I never ever wish anybody else bad or judge . 

Natalie


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## KamIAm

dnlfinker said:


> My husband was very supportive every step of the way . When we were in the hospital trying to find out what is going on( 6 week period because baby was small and they couldnt identify the exxactreason and severity of her issues) , then for the CVS procedure and again for D&E . I am so thankfull to him that he was there. If it was not him I would not survive all of this . With every visit(it took 6 to 8 hours each time) in the Mount Sinai Hospital , he took off work and everything; He does not talk about her but if I have to say something he will listen and say (yea or ok). He must be in pain from all of this as he was watching me and knew everything that went on since the day we found out to the day of the procedure. I dont blame him at all for this , its hard for him too. He really does not share his feeling or personal stuff , he holds it in , so I understand why he does not talk about her . MIL on the other hand , i dont understand but I dont want to blame her because of all that went on. We had our family issues with my MIL and i kind of think that this is the reason it happened for me(meaning my little girl). It was an eye opener so upon this day , I never ever wish anybody else bad or judge .
> 
> Natalie


Ooops, I misread, misunderstood..... :dohh: Thank God....

I am soooo very glad your husband has been your rock, been there for each other through this journey... He sounds a LOT like my OH.... He was super support, still is.... He just doesn't share his thoughts or feelings, think he gets a lil uncomfortable when and if Emma is brought up because he immediately worries about me... Thank God for our men.....and our friends :flower: :winkwink:


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## yazoo

Thank you Amanda, I hope you and bubs are doing good. 

Hayley, I know what you mean about the baby making you want one of your own even more. I love having a baby here & seeing my DD and OH and how much they love him makes me miss Jakob even more and makes me think about how happy we would have been this Xmas. 
I caved and POAS about half an hour ago. It was an IC and I got a BFN but its ok It might be too early yet. According to FF I am 10 dpo. The reason I tested was cause I had pains in my back and just feel very icky which could be either AF or :baby: hopefully. Oh I hope that itching means something Hayley. 

Mhairi- I am glad you are doing okay. The girls and your Dad will keep you strong throughout all this. YOu are in my thoughts babe. :hugs::hugs:

Kelly that story bought tears to my eyes Amazing. :hugs: Kelly this WILL be your month. 

Hayley, just after reading your story. WOW. 

dnlfinker. Your little girl is very much loved and will always be remembered. I can't believe your MIL said that. Even though you don't have the support you need at home (apart from your hubby) you have it here. :hugs::hugs:

We had a mass today for all the people who died in our parish since January. It is only a little village and there was 22 people prayed for. 20 adults and 2 babies. Jakob & another little baby boy. I cried in mass when Jakob's name was called out and the priest talked about him and the other baby Liam being angels and looking over their parents and family. He said that although we do not always feel our angels they are always with us and always will be. The tears just wouldnt stop flowing. They lit candles for all those that dies and we got to take Jakobs candle home.


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## KamIAm

Good Morning friends!!! :coffee:

Hope everyone is well....:flower:

And I'm off to attend church this morning..... :muaha:
I used to go regularly but since I lost Emma, I have only been once and thought I was gonna have a heart attack and having been back since... Soooo, off I go ladies... Praying my presence doesn't make the church and pew combust into flames.... :haha:

Here's to blessed, thankful day! :hugs:


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## jojo23

hope you are all well girls!! thinking about you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## yazoo

Morning everyone, How are you all? 

Hi jo, how are you hun? 

Well I think I am out this month & the :witch: is on her way. I am temping this month & this mornings temp was below the coverline which I think means she is on her way but if someone who is more experienced would like to correct me please do. I have been reading bits and pieces and this is the first month properly temping so I'm a bit clueless. I'm gutted to be honest as we def had enough :sex: to cover us, unless I ovulated really late but FF says I O on day 17. Oh well. Onwards and upwards is what I'm telling myself but the thoughts of another 9 months ttc kills me when my baby should be coming in just 5 weeks. I know there are people who are worse off then me and have never conceived & I shouldn't complain. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for the moan. :cry:


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## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Morning everyone, How are you all?
> 
> Hi jo, how are you hun?
> 
> Well I think I am out this month & the :witch: is on her way. I am temping this month & this mornings temp was below the coverline which I think means she is on her way but if someone who is more experienced would like to correct me please do. I have been reading bits and pieces and this is the first month properly temping so I'm a bit clueless. I'm gutted to be honest as we def had enough :sex: to cover us, unless I ovulated really late but FF says I O on day 17. Oh well. Onwards and upwards is what I'm telling myself but the thoughts of another 9 months ttc kills me when my baby should be coming in just 5 weeks. I know there are people who are worse off then me and have never conceived & I shouldn't complain. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for the moan. :cry:

It is ok to feel sorry for yourself as long as you don't give up and stay positive.. :hugs::hugs::hugs: Look at me I am 41 :wacko::wacko::wacko: And I did get down a bit but now I am back up..I just know all of us will have good luck and be blessed, it will happen for you..
XOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Morning everyone, How are you all?
> 
> Hi jo, how are you hun?
> 
> Well I think I am out this month & the :witch: is on her way. I am temping this month & this mornings temp was below the coverline which I think means she is on her way but if someone who is more experienced would like to correct me please do. I have been reading bits and pieces and this is the first month properly temping so I'm a bit clueless. I'm gutted to be honest as we def had enough :sex: to cover us, unless I ovulated really late but FF says I O on day 17. Oh well. Onwards and upwards is what I'm telling myself but the thoughts of another 9 months ttc kills me when my baby should be coming in just 5 weeks. I know there are people who are worse off then me and have never conceived & I shouldn't complain. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself. Sorry for the moan. :cry:

Hiya...what dpo are you on? Wait till you see tomorrows temp, if it's low again you are probably out this month, but, if it is high again, the dip in temp could possibly signify implantation. Mine dipped on 9dpo then went back up then I got my BFP xx


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## yazoo

Thanks Andrea, I promise I won't stay down. :thumbup: Its just a bit of a blip. My godson and friend had just left after being here for 5 days, DD had gone back to school after the midterm break and OH back to work so I guess I am just feeling a wee bit lonely at the min which means more time to think about things. But I promise it won't last and we will have our little bubbas soon. :hugs:

Hi Mhairi, I am 11 dpo according to FF. Thanks for that Mhairi. It has given me a little hope as I actually did read somewhere that implantation can take place as late as 12 days after ovulation. I can't wait til tomorrow morning to see. My chart is in my siggy if you'd like to have a look at it. 

I hope you are doing ok. You are such a kind soul coming in here giving advice and all that is going on in your life at the moment. I hope you & bubs are doing good. :kiss:


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## MummyStobe

Tanya sorry to hear you got a bfn. Don't give up hope yet, you're not out til the :witch: shows her ugly face. Keeping smiling hun.

I'm becoming obsessed with symptom spotting and I want to poas so bad. Going shopping now and I think my willpower is going to crumble and I'll end up buying some tests.


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Thanks Andrea, I promise I won't stay down. :thumbup: Its just a bit of a blip. My godson and friend had just left after being here for 5 days, DD had gone back to school after the midterm break and OH back to work so I guess I am just feeling a wee bit lonely at the min which means more time to think about things. But I promise it won't last and we will have our little bubbas soon. :hugs:
> 
> Hi Mhairi, I am 11 dpo according to FF. Thanks for that Mhairi. It has given me a little hope as I actually did read somewhere that implantation can take place as late as 12 days after ovulation. I can't wait til tomorrow morning to see. My chart is in my siggy if you'd like to have a look at it.
> 
> I hope you are doing ok. You are such a kind soul coming in here giving advice and all that is going on in your life at the moment. I hope you & bubs are doing good. :kiss:


I got like that too - was desperate to go to sleep, so I could see what the next morning's temp was...lol...I think that's called an obsession!

I will be on here tomorrow to see what your next temp is ;)

when is your AF due?

we are doing fine...lots to do but at least it is keeping me distracted! My little monkey is making me feel very sick most of the time so I reckon that's a good sign!

GL for tomorrow xx


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Ladies :flower:

How is everyone today?? All good? 

Tanya don't give up hope til the ugly withc :witch: shows.... You ain't out til then.. I know tho, you and Hayley are in that craziness....2WW ...Wheww.. It's mind boggling... :wacko: :flower:

Well you both keep us posted on any and all results... LOL :happydance::happydance:

Andrea, how are you doing today?? All ok? Nikki, you feeling better?? Still smiling and breathing babe? Mhairi, you are in my daily thoughts and prayers.. You hanging in there hon?? :flower: Erica, you feeling Ok? getting any rest and relaxation? I know, I'd be just as you once I get my rainbow... Nervous wreck..:hugs: Helen, Do you dance??? While glancing thru fb, thought I seen mention or something about you dancing... :winkwink: Hope jojo and the rest of the gang is doing well....

I love to hear updates from everyone... :hugs:

AFM, all OK ... Missing classes today, My daughter's school called and said she is sick, sooo I ran over and picked her up.. Just fed her some soup and tucked her in my bed and watching a movie... When my kids are sick, they LOVE laying in my bed for some reason . .. :icecream:

My AF is over today SOOO on the countdown to "O" for me .... Let another cycle of madness begin!! :happydance::happydance:


----------



## ericacaca

Hi there ladies.... 

I am sooooooo tired! Can't wait to get some relaxation in soon. :wacko: Trouble is, I get in at around 6.30 ish and then once I've done chores, had dinner etc, its time for bed before I know it and then its back to work again. Very busy week ahead at work this week too, so a few late nights, but don't worry I will TRY and take it easy. Maybe have a nice foot spa once in a while when I'm watching TV. :sleep::sleep::sleep:

In a wierd way I'm pleased that I feel rubbish, because at least I know my hormones are doing their job.... I keep on going through the motions of being sick but throwing nothing up.... maybe because I'm not eating before the times that I know I'm prone to be sick as I don't want to be sick :nope: I hate it! But I'm sure it'll happen as the MS is gradually getting worse.... I'm getting full up really quickly but then want something else to eat like 5 minutes later! haha! 

I was craving apples... but now they make me ill - probably overdosed..... but now I'm loving the orange and lime Tic Tacs.... wow! 

My husband is amazing.... he cooks me dinner when he is off shifts and does so much around the house to help me stay sat down a bit more. I love him so much! 

Anywhoo ladies, its great to see how you are all doing. Thank you so much for all your support. I really don't know I'd do without you xxx


----------



## jojo23

im good girls thanks...feeling a little off today i feel like i have a kidney/uti infection coming on and have had weird beige/tan discharge (sorry for tmi) so am a little bit worried but will hopefully get to see the doctor tomorrow! 

Tanya your def not out until the horrible witch shows up!!!

erica i know how you feel i spent all last week walking around heaving but not throwing up lol its awful, but a good sign i hope haha!!!!

KamIam will have everything crossed for you this cycle! this is your month girl give it socks lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Hellylou

KamIAm said:


> Hi Ladies :flower:
> 
> How is everyone today?? All good?
> 
> Tanya don't give up hope til the ugly withc :witch: shows.... You ain't out til then.. I know tho, you and Hayley are in that craziness....2WW ...Wheww.. It's mind boggling... :wacko: :flower:
> 
> Well you both keep us posted on any and all results... LOL :happydance::happydance:
> 
> Andrea, how are you doing today?? All ok? Nikki, you feeling better?? Still smiling and breathing babe? Mhairi, you are in my daily thoughts and prayers.. You hanging in there hon?? :flower: Erica, you feeling Ok? getting any rest and relaxation? I know, I'd be just as you once I get my rainbow... Nervous wreck..:hugs: Helen, Do you dance??? While glancing thru fb, thought I seen mention or something about you dancing... :winkwink: Hope jojo and the rest of the gang is doing well....
> 
> I love to hear updates from everyone... :hugs:
> 
> AFM, all OK ... Missing classes today, My daughter's school called and said she is sick, sooo I ran over and picked her up.. Just fed her some soup and tucked her in my bed and watching a movie... When my kids are sick, they LOVE laying in my bed for some reason . .. :icecream:
> 
> My AF is over today SOOO on the countdown to "O" for me .... Let another cycle of madness begin!! :happydance::happydance:

Heya, yes I dance! I do ceroc, or modern jive, and west coast swing. It has been my passion for 3 years now. There are lots of examples of it on youtube. I stopped when I got pregnant, so have only just got back into it, and I'm unbelievably unfit now!! 

Ah, sorry your little one is not well. Soup and mum's bed is the perfect cure!

Hooray for cycles of madness! :sex: This is going to be the month for you, I can feel it. :hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Hi, how is everyone doing? I had a dream last night that I had a baby boy and he looked nothing like my little girl.. I had a line of my parents Friends who came to see him. I woke up feeling so good and excited. Too bad it was a dream. Then later in the evening I droped my ovulation monitor into the sink and it's dead , right On the 10th day, when I am suppose to test. I got too excited and it fell out of my hands and now I feel poo!


----------



## MummyStobe

....and it's faint but I'm seeing a second line. 

OMG 

I was convinced it was going to be a bfn cos I've tested early. Never had a bfp before the witch is due before.

I'm rushing for work now but I've got pics which I'll attempt to post tonight.

Hope everyone has a good day xx


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:
 

> ....and it's faint but I'm seeing a second line.
> 
> OMG
> 
> I was convinced it was going to be a bfn cos I've tested early. Never had a bfp before the witch is due before.
> 
> I'm rushing for work now but I've got pics which I'll attempt to post tonight.
> 
> Hope everyone has a good day xx

OMG, how can you drop that on us then run off? Lol. 

I will be stalking this thread today until those pics go up later can't wait to see. Ooh I have a great feeling about this xxxxx


----------



## Hellylou

MummyStobe said:


> ....and it's faint but I'm seeing a second line.
> 
> OMG
> 
> I was convinced it was going to be a bfn cos I've tested early. Never had a bfp before the witch is due before.
> 
> I'm rushing for work now but I've got pics which I'll attempt to post tonight.
> 
> Hope everyone has a good day xx

Oh wow...how exciting! Keep us posted x


----------



## MummyStobe

mhazzab said:


> OMG, how can you drop that on us then run off? Lol.
> 
> I will be stalking this thread today until those pics go up later can't wait to see. Ooh I have a great feeling about this xxxxx

Lol sorry! 

I'm still in shock. I'd convinced myself I was pregnant from my symptom spotting but was a bit nervous about poas in case it was all in my head. The control line appeared straight away so I left it whilst I had my shower but I kept catching sight of the big purple control line out of the corner of my eye but couldn't see anything else so I was convinced it was a bfn so you can imagine my shock when I saw the faint second line.

I couldn't get my head together to get myself ready for work, I woke Mark and told him and then I wanted to share with you ladies.

I'm on my phone at the mo and I think I need to be on the pc to upload the pics. If anyone knows if I can do it from my phone let me know how and I'll get it posted 
Xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

MummyStobe said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> OMG, how can you drop that on us then run off? Lol.
> 
> I will be stalking this thread today until those pics go up later can't wait to see. Ooh I have a great feeling about this xxxxx
> 
> Lol sorry!
> 
> I'm still in shock. I'd convinced myself I was pregnant from my symptom spotting but was a bit nervous about poas in case it was all in my head. The control line appeared straight away so I left it whilst I had my shower but I kept catching sight of the big purple control line out of the corner of my eye but couldn't see anything else so I was convinced it was a bfn so you can imagine my shock when I saw the faint second line.
> 
> I couldn't get my head together to get myself ready for work, I woke Mark and told him and then I wanted to share with you ladies.
> 
> I'm on my phone at the mo and I think I need to be on the pc to upload the pics. If anyone knows if I can do it from my phone let me know how and I'll get it posted
> XxClick to expand...



I am SOOooooo excited and happy for you!!!!! I love seeing BFP.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I wish you all the best for a H&H9months...XOOXOXXOOXOX


----------



## yazoo

Hey gang, How is everyone today? 
Ok so I finally got to bed so I could temp this morning. :blush: Anyway my temp was higher than yesterdays so I got excited, added it to FF and it went above the coverline. I thought woohoo maybe I am not out after all. Went to the toilet and there was pink on TP. I was hoping that it was IB but really knowing it was the start of AF and I was right the b*tch has got me. :cry::cry::cry: 

What I don't understand is this ok. FF says I ovulated on CD17 and if that was right wouldn't AF not show up til CD 31 instead of 29. Is it not always 14 days from ovulation to period? And if it is actually shorter is there any consequences of that? 

I think I know what the problem is though. I didn't produce any EWCM this month and the only month were I had loads of it was the month Jakob was conceived so that has me thinking that that is preventing the little spermies from reaching the egg. Does anyone know of any ways to increase it? I have heard of evening primrose oil so I will start taking it. 

Mhairi- I'm sorry that your sick but it is a good sign. :hugs:

Hey Kelly, Is your daughter any better today? Woohoo AF over so get at it girl. :thumbup:

Erica I hope you get in some relaxation time soon & its great to see that you have such a good hubby. 

Joelene I had that beigey colour discharge with Jakob and I think it was related to the kidney infections. I'm prone to them in pregnancy. I hope you get it sorted soon they are horrible things but in the mean time drink loads of water. It definitely makes it feel better. 

Hey helly- hope your doing good. :flower:

Aww Natalie thats a bummer about the O test. :nope: I was dreaming about babies last night too but none of them were mine. I hope your dream is a good sign. The month we conceived J both me & OH woke up saying that we both dreamt I was pregnant and a few days later I got my BFP. 

Oh Hayley that is brilliant. I am so so happy for you. :happydance::happydance::happydance:

I hope everyone else is having a good day. xxxx


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Hey gang, How is everyone today?
> Ok so I finally got to bed so I could temp this morning. :blush: Anyway my temp was higher than yesterdays so I got excited, added it to FF and it went above the coverline. I thought woohoo maybe I am not out after all. Went to the toilet and there was pink on TP. I was hoping that it was IB but really knowing it was the start of AF and I was right the b*tch has got me. :cry::cry::cry:
> 
> What I don't understand is this ok. FF says I ovulated on CD17 and if that was right wouldn't AF not show up til CD 31 instead of 29. Is it not always 14 days from ovulation to period? And if it is actually shorter is there any consequences of that?
> 
> I think I know what the problem is though. I didn't produce any EWCM this month and the only month were I had loads of it was the month Jakob was conceived so that has me thinking that that is preventing the little spermies from reaching the egg. Does anyone know of any ways to increase it? I have heard of evening primrose oil so I will start taking it.
> 
> xxxx

Oh hon, I'm sorry AF started :(

I'm 11/12 days between ov and AF so it's not always 14. I think anything under 10 is an issue as there isn't enough time for implantation. 

If you have a lack of EWCM there is stuff you can buy, lubricant, that helps the little swimmers. Conceive plus is what we used, you get it in boots. Don't know about anything you can take though to increase theEWCM.

Have you thought about using ov tests to help you pinpoint the right day in advance?

I suppose all of these things take the romance out of it a bit though,lol!

Xx


----------



## yazoo

Hi Mhairi, I use the IC opks but its not always easy to tell if its positive or not as its hard to determine if the line is actually darker.
I was in Boots this morning and the Clearblue opks were almost 50 euro for 7 of them. Its no wonder its called the Ripoff Republic. I was looking for the lubricant - Conceive Plus or Preseed but they didn't have any. All I could see was KYJelly and I just read it isn't sperm friendly. It really does take the whole romance out of is doesn't it. lol. But hey I will do anything to get a BFP this month.


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Hi Mhairi, I use the IC opks but its not always easy to tell if its positive or not as its hard to determine if the line is actually darker.
> I was in Boots this morning and the Clearblue opks were almost 50 euro for 7 of them. Its no wonder its called the Ripoff Republic. I was looking for the lubricant - Conceive Plus or Preseed but they didn't have any. All I could see was KYJelly and I just read it isn't sperm friendly. It really does take the whole romance out of is doesn't it. lol. But hey I will do anything to get a BFP this month.

Haha me too I was willing to do anything, stuff the romance! I use the clear blue fertility monitor, the sticks I think were about 13 pounds on amazon for 20. I can't be doing with the liney tests either! 
Conceive plus was expensive at 15pounds, but worth it. If you are struggling to get hold of these at a reasonable price I'd be happy to help by buying here and sending over to you. Check out amazon first though x


----------



## yazoo

How long did it take you to conceive this little beany if you don't mind me asking. You probably said here but I forget. Oh yeah I was looking at the fertility monitor in Boots too. I was 157 euro which is way too much I think. Its prob much cheaper in the UK. Again rip off Ireland. 
Awh thanks Mhairi, your very kind. I have looked on ebay & they are about 15 pound so I think I will go ahead & get them and pray that they actually get here on time. xx


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> How long did it take you to conceive this little beany if you don't mind me asking. You probably said here but I forget. Oh yeah I was looking at the fertility monitor in Boots too. I was 157 euro which is way too much I think. Its prob much cheaper in the UK. Again rip off Ireland.
> Awh thanks Mhairi, your very kind. I have looked on ebay & they are about 15 pound so I think I will go ahead & get them and pray that they actually get here on time. xx

I'm just heading into town Just now as I have some stuff to organise for the funeral, but I will send you a message later x


----------



## KamIAm

MummyStobe said:


> ....and it's faint but I'm seeing a second line.
> 
> OMG
> 
> I was convinced it was going to be a bfn cos I've tested early. Never had a bfp before the witch is due before.
> 
> I'm rushing for work now but I've got pics which I'll attempt to post tonight.
> 
> Hope everyone has a good day xx


Oh My Word!!!!! :happydance: :dance::yipee::friends::headspin::smug::juggle::wohoo::fool::loopy::flasher::rain::bunny::holly:

Threw ALL the big guns out for this!!! What a way to make my day, woke up to this amazing news!!! :happydance::flower::winkwink::hugs:

Girl! I am super excited for you.... CAN"T wait to see pics .... I know you must be beyond yourself with excitement... YAY!! You joined the club!!! :happydance: Baby makin' mission is a success!!!!!! :flower::happydance::hugs:

Keep us posted.... Oh yea, Congrats! LOL ... :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

yazoo said:


> Hey gang, How is everyone today?
> Ok so I finally got to bed so I could temp this morning. :blush: Anyway my temp was higher than yesterdays so I got excited, added it to FF and it went above the coverline. I thought woohoo maybe I am not out after all. Went to the toilet and there was pink on TP. I was hoping that it was IB but really knowing it was the start of AF and I was right the b*tch has got me. :cry::cry::cry:
> 
> What I don't understand is this ok. FF says I ovulated on CD17 and if that was right wouldn't AF not show up til CD 31 instead of 29. Is it not always 14 days from ovulation to period? And if it is actually shorter is there any consequences of that?
> 
> I think I know what the problem is though. I didn't produce any EWCM this month and the only month were I had loads of it was the month Jakob was conceived so that has me thinking that that is preventing the little spermies from reaching the egg. Does anyone know of any ways to increase it? I have heard of evening primrose oil so I will start taking it.
> 
> Mhairi- I'm sorry that your sick but it is a good sign. :hugs:
> 
> Hey Kelly, Is your daughter any better today? Woohoo AF over so get at it girl. :thumbup:
> 
> Erica I hope you get in some relaxation time soon & its great to see that you have such a good hubby.
> 
> Joelene I had that beigey colour discharge with Jakob and I think it was related to the kidney infections. I'm prone to them in pregnancy. I hope you get it sorted soon they are horrible things but in the mean time drink loads of water. It definitely makes it feel better.
> 
> Hey helly- hope your doing good. :flower:
> 
> Aww Natalie thats a bummer about the O test. :nope: I was dreaming about babies last night too but none of them were mine. I hope your dream is a good sign. The month we conceived J both me & OH woke up saying that we both dreamt I was pregnant and a few days later I got my BFP.
> 
> Oh Hayley that is brilliant. I am so so happy for you. :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> 
> I hope everyone else is having a good day. xxxx


Head up Sweetie... :flower::hugs:

I am sooo sorry the witch got you this month... I sooo wanted you to get wonderful news this month as well.... Just think, you got one more month of practice in... November is THE month! :winkwink: (and if for some reason it isn't, We'll keep at it, keep trying) ... :hugs:

OK...I'm gonna allow you a few days of grouchiness ...:haha: Then I'm coming to kick your booty LOL!!!:haha::winkwink: We're gonna hang in there all together...Gonna keep our chins up and stay positive .. Keep chuggin' along :hugs: We WILL have our Rainbows :kiss:


----------



## jojo23

tanya im so sorry the witch got you hun!!! but november is DEF your month...g3t down to some serious baby making lol, plus its my birthday this month so that can be your present to me hahaha i wanna hear some good news:):):) awe girls i love hearing all your news and stories, feel like i know you all years!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Friends!

I am gonna TRY this charting and tracking stuff for this month.... I have NEVER in my life even looked at this stuff before and WOW... It's a lot!

I just signed up for an account of Fertility Friend... Made "my chart"...BUT I am super confused!!!

My calendar on there is showing that my ovulation day is Nov 10??? I just ended my AF yesterday??? It shows my fertile days close to what I'm thinking (Nov 12-15) I figured my days would be starting around the 12th til the BIG O day Nov 17 ... ?? I don't guess I know how to read their calendar??? More confused than ever now.... :shrug: I probably entered my info wrong, had to of...

Hmm? Guess I'm gonna cave and start tracking temps and go buy a opk.. really didnt' want to but I thought I had this all figured out??? :shrug:


----------



## MummyStobe

Please tell me you can see it too and I'm not imagining it

https://i1105.photobucket.com/albums/h347/hesalisbury/0011stBFP08112011.jpg


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> Please tell me you can see it too and I'm not imagining it
> 
> https://i1105.photobucket.com/albums/h347/hesalisbury/0011stBFP08112011.jpg

oh wow! there is totally a line there! I don't need to squint to see that! Did it come up within the time limit? If so, then I'd say congrats! Go get yourself a digi so you can see those words written down, it feels much more real!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mhazzab

ps...Hayley,...I have the biggest smile on my face for you right now :hugs: :happydance:


----------



## Andypanda6570

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

I see it........................ I am SOOOOOooooooooo excited for you..
Congrats....:kiss::kiss::happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Hayley!!!!!

I soooo see it!! :happydance: There is NO denying that line.... Congrats Momma.... You now have a wee one on board!!! :kiss: :hugs:

:happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## MummyStobe

mhazzab said:


> oh wow! there is totally a line there! I don't need to squint to see that! Did it come up within the time limit? If so, then I'd say congrats! Go get yourself a digi so you can see those words written down, it feels much more real!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I left it to 'process' whilst I was in the shower and I was only in for about 5 mins. I've never been so quick in the shower!! :haha:

It's a cheapie supermarket own brand so I really wasn't expecting to see anything. It was a 2 pack so I'm going to use the other one in a couple of days and if there are still 2 lines then I'll splash out on a digi.

Doesn't really seem real yet. I want to scream it from the rooftops but keep it quiet at the same time. 

I'll make do with a nervous little :happydance: here for now


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> oh wow! there is totally a line there! I don't need to squint to see that! Did it come up within the time limit? If so, then I'd say congrats! Go get yourself a digi so you can see those words written down, it feels much more real!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> I left it to 'process' whilst I was in the shower and I was only in for about 5 mins. I've never been so quick in the shower!! :haha:
> 
> It's a cheapie supermarket own brand so I really wasn't expecting to see anything. It was a 2 pack so I'm going to use the other one in a couple of days and if there are still 2 lines then I'll splash out on a digi.
> 
> Doesn't really seem real yet. I want to scream it from the rooftops but keep it quiet at the same time.
> 
> I'll make do with a nervous little :happydance: here for nowClick to expand...

it's a bit scary at first isn't it, you don't want to get too excited incase it isn't real! I will be quietly excited for you, for now! 
you should order your digi from amazon today (way cheaper than the shops!) and then you can test when they arrive! I'm such a bad influence...!


----------



## MummyStobe

Thanks girls, you're helping it seem more real :happydance: :happydance:

You're all amazing, I love you all xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

mhazzab said:


> it's a bit scary at first isn't it, you don't want to get too excited incase it isn't real! I will be quietly excited for you, for now!
> you should order your digi from amazon today (way cheaper than the shops!) and then you can test when they arrive! I'm such a bad influence...!

Actually I think I may have one stashed away from when I found out I was expecting Max. Daren't look for it yet though because I won't be able to stop myself peeing on it when I find it.


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> it's a bit scary at first isn't it, you don't want to get too excited incase it isn't real! I will be quietly excited for you, for now!
> you should order your digi from amazon today (way cheaper than the shops!) and then you can test when they arrive! I'm such a bad influence...!
> 
> Actually I think I may have one stashed away from when I found out I was expecting Max. Daren't look for it yet though because I won't be able to stop myself peeing on it when I find it.Click to expand...

lol! morning pee would be better as your AF not due yet, so find that digi then give custody of it to hubby until the morning! 

xx


----------



## Hellylou

Oh Hayley, that's wonderful news!!!! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## collie_crazy

Omg Hayley!!!! That is so a BFP! I reckon a digi would should pregnant with that line with fmu! I say break out that digi and get peeing :rofl: but I'm a bit of a POAS-aholic so yeah :blush:

Well nausea is well and truly here! Been feeling yucky all day /( and my sense of smell is picking up already a colleague absolutely stinks of chips and it's makIng me heave!! 

My consultant phoned me today! Really early at like 8am and woke me up lol. My psychologist had passed on my news :happydance: she is arranging for me to have a 6, 9, 12, 16 and 20 week scan! And then take it from there! And. It will be her doing the scans not a sonographer... I actually love her right now :rofl: 

The psychologist is also arranging for me to get my pic of Emily that the midwives took as I didn't feel strong enough to take it home at the time. Apparently it's not very flattering but I can't wait to have it now :)

Hope you are all well :hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Omg Hayley!!!! That is so a BFP! I reckon a digi would should pregnant with that line with fmu! I say break out that digi and get peeing :rofl: but I'm a bit of a POAS-aholic so yeah :blush:
> 
> Well nausea is well and truly here! Been feeling yucky all day /( and my sense of smell is picking up already a colleague absolutely stinks of chips and it's makIng me heave!!
> 
> My consultant phoned me today! Really early at like 8am and woke me up lol. My psychologist had passed on my news :happydance: she is arranging for me to have a 6, 9, 12, 16 and 20 week scan! And then take it from there! And. It will be her doing the scans not a sonographer... I actually love her right now :rofl:
> 
> The psychologist is also arranging for me to get my pic of Emily that the midwives took as I didn't feel strong enough to take it home at the time. Apparently it's not very flattering but I can't wait to have it now :)
> 
> Hope you are all well :hugs:

Oh Amanda that's great news about the scans, and wonderful progress that you want to look at the photo of Emily I'm so happy for you. I've been thinking of you, hope you and baby are doing okay xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

I'd been a bit out of touch lately, just had a quick catch-up and - WOW Hayley! I'm so happy for you, no squinting required at that line at all! Yipee! This thread is a lucky one, I think!

Yazoo, sorry it looks like the witch got you, here's to November right enough...

Collie, hurrah for sickyness!! Hurrah for mingin chip smells! It's all good signs, yippee! I know it isn't funny at the time though. When I was pregnant with the boys I had a nose like a bloodhound and was working in the same restaurant I am now. All of a sudden everyone was ordering fish chowder and I could smell it from miles away, it turned my stomach really badly. I had to bend right over it to get it out of the dumb waiter and Oh it was so hard not to chuck! I'd be dancing if I could feel that again now though, even though I moaned constantly about it at the time! Celebrate the pukeyness, embrace the pukeyness! (Am I taking it too far?! hehe)

Glad you are going to get such excellent care and glad you are getting your pic, too.

Mhairi, hope you're doing OK hon, I'm thinking of you.

DNLFinker, hope you got your fertility monitor fixed in time, or got some OPK's as a stand-in. Maybe try taking all the bits off it that will come off (ie casings etc), batteries out and leave it somewhere warm to dry, with the open end up for a few days, then put new batteries in and all bits back on. I have saved a few watches like this after water damage (I was a jeweller in another life). Might be worth a shot, as they are expensive.

Hope everyone else is good, sorry if I've missed anyone or anything, head's a bit fuzzy today. 

I've not much to report, still trying to get these veggie-patches going. sent DH to pick up a load of sheep-poo after work yesterday, so we shovelled about a tonne of the stuff off the back of the ute (pickup) last night. Not much room for romance after that!

I'm still getting twinges in my left ovary, have had since last OV, wondering if I've got a cyst, hoping it's just my body gearing up for a mammoth OV event, hehe. I do seem to get a more noticable one every 3 months (or did, anyway. Who knows what my body is up to these days?). Will have to start the BD soon, I'm on CD9.

Love to all!
xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

MummyStobe said:


> Thanks girls, you're helping it seem more real :happydance: :happydance:
> 
> You're all amazing, I love you all xxx

We love you too....:happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Woohoo Hayley, I'd no problem seeing that line at all. :happydance: I am so happy for you hun. I wish you a H&H 9 months & I can't wait to hear the progress from all you girls that are pregnant. Hopefully the rest of us will be joining you in November & we all have our rainbows around the same time. :hugs:

Collie- I'm delighted your being so well looked after this time round. i know the sickness isn't nice but its a good sign. :hugs:

Kelly this is my first time charting properly and it is taking a bit of getting used to but its definitely worth it I think. The only problem with me is I wake up at different times or have to wake to pee some nights at like 5am and have to take the temp then which can skew the results a little bit I think. 

Nikki I really hope this is your month too. :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Hayley, I can't wait to hear results or better yet see some more testing action!! No doubt you are makin' a baby BUT nice to keep seeing ain't it.. :happydance:

Amanda, I am sooo glad to hear from you lady! So great to hear you will be getting extra GOOD care this go around... Super thrilled you will have a picture of lil Emily, I'm telling ya, I treasure Emma's pictures, honestly, I do have a few that still bothers me but I just keep them safe and sound in the safe but the others I look at daily... :hugs:

Nikki.. Glad to hear your well and keeping busy with your garden, such a great hobby I think... I tend to get busy with it a bit as well :flower:

Mhairi... How are you doing today dear? feeling alright?? doing ok?? :hugs:

Tanya, How are you feeling? Keepin' that pretty chin up? :winkwink: We got this babe... Rainbows SOON :happydance:

Andrea, how are you doing? Good Grief, are we close to "O"????? I'm dying... I'm ready for you to GO ... :sex:

Helen... Thinking about you ... How are you doing?? :hugs:

Erica, Jojo ... Love hearing any updates from you lovely lil Momma's .. :hugs:

AFM... I'm doing good .. Just counting down the days til Nov "O" .. Trying to figure out my cycle, I mean really figure it out :winkwink: I'm ready! :happydance:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hayley, I can't wait to hear results or better yet see some more testing action!! No doubt you are makin' a baby BUT nice to keep seeing ain't it.. :happydance:
> 
> Amanda, I am sooo glad to hear from you lady! So great to hear you will be getting extra GOOD care this go around... Super thrilled you will have a picture of lil Emily, I'm telling ya, I treasure Emma's pictures, honestly, I do have a few that still bothers me but I just keep them safe and sound in the safe but the others I look at daily... :hugs:
> 
> Nikki.. Glad to hear your well and keeping busy with your garden, such a great hobby I think... I tend to get busy with it a bit as well :flower:
> 
> Mhairi... How are you doing today dear? feeling alright?? doing ok?? :hugs:
> 
> Tanya, How are you feeling? Keepin' that pretty chin up? :winkwink: We got this babe... Rainbows SOON :happydance:
> 
> Andrea, how are you doing? Good Grief, are we close to "O"????? I'm dying... I'm ready for you to GO ... :sex:
> 
> Helen... Thinking about you ... How are you doing?? :hugs:
> 
> Erica, Jojo ... Love hearing any updates from you lovely lil Momma's .. :hugs:
> 
> AFM... I'm doing good .. Just counting down the days til Nov "O" .. Trying to figure out my cycle, I mean really figure it out :winkwink: I'm ready! :happydance:

LOL are you reading my ticker, cause it is wrong>>>>>>> :haha::haha::haha:
I am supposed to get my AF on November 15th so i am not going to DTD till November 23 and 24.. LOL you make me smile ,, This month maybe will be all of our lucky month..
XOXOXOXOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Hi Kelly sorry I forgot to reply to your post. Can you give me one day of grouchiness and then kick me into shape tomorrow? lol I was down today but I am ok now. I am going to do things a bit differently this cycle and hope for the best.
Myself and OH actually had a conversation today & I was saying that if I got pregnant next cycle the due date would be around Jakob's birthday and I was unsure if I would like that or not. He said he would actually love that as we would be celebrating our 2 babies birthdays together & the rainbow baby will always have that connection with Jakob even though he/she came after. The more I thought of what he said the more I was like yeah actually I would like it so heres hoping that this is my month & my 2 babies will share the same birth month. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Hi Kelly sorry I forgot to reply to your post. Can you give me one day of grouchiness and then kick me into shape tomorrow? lol I was down today but I am ok now. I am going to do things a bit differently this cycle and hope for the best.
> Myself and OH actually had a conversation today & I was saying that if I got pregnant next cycle the due date would be around Jakob's birthday and I was unsure if I would like that or not. He said he would actually love that as we would be celebrating our 2 babies birthdays together & the rainbow baby will always have that connection with Jakob even though he/she came after. The more I thought of what he said the more I was like yeah actually I would like it so heres hoping that this is my month & my 2 babies will share the same birth month. :hugs::hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: That is really sweet. Fingers crossed this is your month..XOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::kiss::kiss:


----------



## yazoo

Thanks Andrea, I really hope it is yours too. Here's hoping that me, you and Kelly get our BFPs together. It would be soo exciting. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Sorry if I missed anything earlier was replying from my phone as you can probably tell with the spelling mistakes :haha:

I have so many regrets about the day Emily was born. I wish I had looked into things more, admitted that things were going downhill instead of believing that everything was going to be ok and organised to have a tiny hat and gown to put Emily in. I regret every day that she was left naked. I regret not taking my own photos and spending more time with her. But after talking to the psychologist I think it would be a good thing for me to have her pic - I know it wont be a very flattering one (she was left in a horrible white plastic tray for like hospital waste or something :cry:) but I know how beautiful SHE is so nothing else will matter. Gosh, now I'm crying. 




yazoo said:


> Hi Kelly sorry I forgot to reply to your post. Can you give me one day of grouchiness and then kick me into shape tomorrow? lol I was down today but I am ok now. I am going to do things a bit differently this cycle and hope for the best.
> Myself and OH actually had a conversation today & I was saying that if I got pregnant next cycle the due date would be around Jakob's birthday and I was unsure if I would like that or not. He said he would actually love that as we would be celebrating our 2 babies birthdays together & the rainbow baby will always have that connection with Jakob even though he/she came after. The more I thought of what he said the more I was like yeah actually I would like it so heres hoping that this is my month & my 2 babies will share the same birth month. :hugs::hugs:

Good luck with doing things a bit different :thumbup: And I think your OH's idea is lovely. This babies due date is July and Emily was born in July so I'll (hopefully) have 2 babies born in July :) Like Mhairi said earlier - its like the little rainbow baby is a birthday gift for their angels sisters or brother :hugs:

Oh Andrea its not long till the 23rd :happydance:!!

Kelly how are you? When is it time for :sex: And Yazoo? Nearly time to get jiggy? 

Oh girls I forgot to say I was at the cemetery yesterday - its the first time I have been since my BFP. I feel like I was maybe trying to hide it or something from Emily... does that make sense? I felt almost guilty for going there whilst I was pregnant and its the longest I have ever went without going to visit her but I started to feel really bad so I went. And then I got quite upset as I was talking to her - telling her she was going to be a big sister - when a little robin redbreast landed on her gravestone - it just sat there for ages just watching me and then flew off. Well that set me off floods of tears! I got in the car and misjudged the corner and ended up in top of a rock unable to move the car! I had to get the grave diggers to come and tow my car off the rock! total nightmare!


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw, Amanda, what a nightmare for you in the car! I think that was quite a nice wee sign though, the wee bird coming to you like that. xx

ETA: Try not to regret that you were convincing yourself that everything was going to be OK the day Emily was born hon, it would have been the best way to think at the time, every mother would be hoping the same. I wouldn't even allow myself to admit I was in labour, even after 6 days lying in hospital waiting for it to happen FFS! It's natural and the hope would have been the only thing keeping you going. I think flattering or not, being able to see her wee face again will bring you some peace, babies are born naked, she wouldn't have cared. I hope it helps you heal, I wish we had taken more as well, but it's not what you're thinking of at the time. We only did it as the nurse suggested it. xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Sorry if I missed anything earlier was replying from my phone as you can probably tell with the spelling mistakes :haha:
> 
> I have so many regrets about the day Emily was born. I wish I had looked into things more, admitted that things were going downhill instead of believing that everything was going to be ok and organised to have a tiny hat and gown to put Emily in. I regret every day that she was left naked. I regret not taking my own photos and spending more time with her. But after talking to the psychologist I think it would be a good thing for me to have her pic - I know it wont be a very flattering one (she was left in a horrible white plastic tray for like hospital waste or something :cry:) but I know how beautiful SHE is so nothing else will matter. Gosh, now I'm crying.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> Hi Kelly sorry I forgot to reply to your post. Can you give me one day of grouchiness and then kick me into shape tomorrow? lol I was down today but I am ok now. I am going to do things a bit differently this cycle and hope for the best.
> Myself and OH actually had a conversation today & I was saying that if I got pregnant next cycle the due date would be around Jakob's birthday and I was unsure if I would like that or not. He said he would actually love that as we would be celebrating our 2 babies birthdays together & the rainbow baby will always have that connection with Jakob even though he/she came after. The more I thought of what he said the more I was like yeah actually I would like it so heres hoping that this is my month & my 2 babies will share the same birth month. :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Good luck with doing things a bit different :thumbup: And I think your OH's idea is lovely. This babies due date is July and Emily was born in July so I'll (hopefully) have 2 babies born in July :) Like Mhairi said earlier - its like the little rainbow baby is a birthday gift for their angels sisters or brother :hugs:
> 
> Oh Andrea its not long till the 23rd :happydance:!!
> 
> Kelly how are you? When is it time for :sex: And Yazoo? Nearly time to get jiggy?
> 
> Oh girls I forgot to say I was at the cemetery yesterday - its the first time I have been since my BFP. I feel like I was maybe trying to hide it or something from Emily... does that make sense? I felt almost guilty for going there whilst I was pregnant and its the longest I have ever went without going to visit her but I started to feel really bad so I went. And then I got quite upset as I was talking to her - telling her she was going to be a big sister - when a little robin redbreast landed on her gravestone - it just sat there for ages just watching me and then flew off. Well that set me off floods of tears! I got in the car and misjudged the corner and ended up in top of a rock unable to move the car! I had to get the grave diggers to come and tow my car off the rock! total nightmare!Click to expand...

Amanda :cry::cry::cry::cry: You did nothing wrong and precious Emily knows how much her mother loves her and misses her, believe me Emily can't wait to be a big sister, she is sooooooooooo excited. Amanda, please know everything will be ok :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Emily is with you always :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Amanda.... No regrets :hugs: None of us would know just what to do and when to do it when it came time for our lil ones being taken away.... Unless you've been there, done it... You have no clue... I know I didn't... I"m just thankful for the hospital staff, they walked me through everything and warned me and prepared me for each step .... Well, most of them... I just went along with whatever they said for me to do... I do wish I spent more time with Emma, I didn't know I could request to keep her with me the entire time I was in the hospital, well it wasn't long.. I ran out of there so fast, I actually talked my doctor into releasing me just a few hours after I gave birth... Wish I would have slowed down... Emily doesn't care if you has a gown or not, I promise... She doesn't need it... :hugs: She is beautiful naked or clothed... Perfect... :hugs: Amanda, I know EXACTLY how you was feeling and talking about when you mentioned you felt like you was hiding your preg from Emily... That is how I felt last month when we decided to ttc..... I completely felt guilty, and felt like I was trying to hide it from Emma.... I know, when I mentioned it a few pages ago, I thought I was really sounding crazy, so I am glad you mentioned you had those thoughts too......

Andrea, I didn't even see you had a O ticker LOL... Haha, You have a teeny tiny one girl, LOL!!! :dohh: Just going on memory ...

According to my calculations.... I should be starting the BABY DANCING, :sex::sex: about November 12th, and should be O'ing on November 17th ... Next AF is due December 1st.... 

OK Girls, I think I am going crazy or something.... Something is wrong.... I do NOT feel right, haven't felt right all week... I'm really starting to scratch my head and wonder.... My AF this time wasn't normal... It was VERY light and short... VERY light... OK, TMI time... On a normal AF I would have to change my tampon every 2 hours but I could go ALL day without having to change it this time... ??? .... AND the last few nights I haven't slept good at ALL.. Feeling very icky, sick to my stomach every evening...and I mean EVERY evening....:shrug: I keep wondering if I am still coming down with some kind of sickness but this just comes in waves ... ??? ... I am very bloated as well...AND I have these weird lil feelings and cramps, ecspecially on my right side..??.. I have NO idea :shrug:

I don't want to even to say it ...or type it... But wondering if I really had a AF??? I have 1 more hpt and I can't believe the thought hit me like a ton of bricks tonight during dinner... :dohh: I can't believe I am even thinking or wondering this... I know what it would show IF I took it in the morning, just can't shake this questioning...... Hmmmm????? :shrug:

Help... I am going crazy I think..... But I just don't feel good.... :shrug:


----------



## dnlfinker

Me too. Can i join your get preg in november club.my emma(emunah) was due dec 28th. I wish it would happen before her due date. This is Natalie by the way


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## Nikki_d72

Natalie, me too. I badly want to be pregnant before my due date (Dec 20th, although with twins there was zero chance of me carrying them to full term, but hey), don't know what I expect to feel but it's a nagging feeling that I don't want it to pass before I get a BFP! 

Kam, I think you may as well test again in the morning, as now that the thought has occurred to you it won't go away until you do! let us know how you go. GL xxx

Nite all, I'm off to bed xxx


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## yazoo

Amanda it is completely normal to have regrets. I think we all do because we had never been in that situation before and we were so consumed with sadness that it was hard to think of everything. It will do you good to have her pic hun. She is your little girl and she is beautiful. 

AF is still with me at the moment so after that its all systems go. I'm going to order some preseed from amazon & hope it gets here on time. (Boots don't have it)

Oh I'm sorry you had an accident with the car but I truly believe that the wee robin was a sign from Emily that she is ok with you being pregnant, she is happy that she will be a big sister and she will look after you and this little baby growing inside you. 

Kelly hun- do the test & at least that way you will not be wondering. 

Hey Natalie, oh it would be so good if me, you, Andrea, Nikki & Kelly got pregnant this month. (Sorry if I missed anyone). Nikki & Natalie- I am the exact same. I have this overwhelming desire to be pregnant by Jakob's due date. OH thinks I am putting too much pressure on myself but I just can't shake the desire and know I will be gutted if it doesn't happen this month. 

Hayley- how are you hun?


----------



## Andypanda6570

Good Morning!!!!! XOOXOXO

Kelly, I felt the same before I got my AF and after :wacko::wacko::wacko: so confusing. My boobies hurt and they never hurt. I am still and was constipated ( TMI :haha:) I get that gas pain in my throat, I never got all these things.
When I was pregnant and I didn't know it ,the only thing I got was I had to pee all the time and I was only 2 weeks pregnant and they say that sign of peeing is supposed to come at 8 weeks??? Well, not for me, i remember clearly cause I was running and I could not make it back I said to myself why am I going to the bathroom so much, I had no idea ,being pregnant never entered my mind, ever!!! And I got that gas pain in my throat. I mean my mother had her period when she was pregnant with me so it is possible to still get your period and be pregnant. :winkwink: Not for me I know i am not, but who knows maybe you could be, anything is possible..I totally believe in miracles now :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Good Morning Ladies!!! :coffee:

Shockingly, I poas this morning... haha... You all knew I would, heck I couldn't wait... LOL!!! :haha: But anyways... I of course got a BFN ..

I can't put my finger on it.... But I know I don't feel right, feel off..and this right side (low) cramping is got me wondering and hoping all is ok... Today I am gonna cave and buy a OPK, I have never seen one much less use one, so guess we'll see how that works ...

Natalie, Welcome to Baby Makin' Central!!! :happydance:

We had a pretty exciting month last month, sooo here's too even more BFP's!!!! Hope we all get our Christmas BFP's!!!:happydance:

How is everyone doing or feeling today??? Everyone OK??:hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Hey Gang....

Just wanted to share a link, thread, I did find on here that I love popping into ...super positive and nice place to be when ttc...

https://www.babyandbump.com/two-week-...l#post13615590 


:dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


----------



## KamIAm

KamIAm said:


> Hey Gang....
> 
> Just wanted to share a link, thread, I did find on here that I love popping into ...super positive and nice place to be when ttc...
> 
> https://www.babyandbump.com/two-week-...l#post13615590
> 
> 
> :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


Well crap, I dont think link worked ...:shrug: :haha: :dohh:


----------



## mhazzab

Hayley! Where are you? I need an update on the poas situation! Xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

I GOT A FORTUNE COOKIE TODAY AND HERE IS THE MESSAGE. I THINK ITS NOT JUST TO ME BUT TO ALL OF US :


"TO LIVE YOUR LIFE IN FEAR OF LOOSING IT IS TO LOOSE THE POINT OF LIFE"

After two days of not testing and frustration, I was able to put the ovulation monitor on, but I think that its nowstuck on the same day 10 . I called Easy Blue Company begging them desperately to get another one but instead they will send me test sticks. I just hope that during the two day period that I did not test, I did not ovulate. IF I knew my cycle lenght , I would be able to have degree in baby making . :)

Kelly , Its funny that you wrote about testing even though you had your AF. I heard that you can still be pregnant with AF . two days ago I was tempted to buy and test but so far I was able pass Rite Aid Pharmacy without caving in. I might not make it today though :)


----------



## dnlfinker

Hey Guys, 

Which tool do you guys use to track your ovulation. THis is what I been using so far
https://www.babymed.com/fertility-ovulation-calendar-calculator

but I am looking to explore others. OH OH according to this chart and last months cycle I was suppose to ovulate by Friday. NO wonder I been getting twitched down there. I might be out this month :(


UPDATE : TESTED AND ITS BIG FAT BFN . NO REASON TO TEST 
I SHOULD JOIN THE TTC (AA) ANONYMOUS :dohh:
Natalie


----------



## mhazzab

dnlfinker said:


> Hey Guys,
> 
> Which tool do you guys use to track your ovulation. THis is what I been using so far
> https://www.babymed.com/fertility-ovulation-calendar-calculator
> 
> but I am looking to explore others. OH OH according to this chart and last months cycle I was suppose to ovulate by Friday. NO wonder I been getting twitched down there. I might be out this month :(
> 
> Natalie

Hiya, i have used fertility friend, and also an app on my iPhone called pink pad pro, which I find handy as I always have my phone with me. I have also used 'take charge of your fertility' in the past, but find the site is really slow now. Hope this helps. Sorry your cbfm is playing up, i hope you havent missed ov xxxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Hey everyone

Firstly want to say thank you for all your positive comments and congratulations.

Had a busy day at work and only got chance for a quick peek in here on my phone at dinnertime. And I have to confess to sneaking into bed when I got home just after 4 for a little nap  were off to a late cinema showing tonight and not expecting to get to bed til after midnight and didnt want to risk falling asleep during the film  not been able to stay awake past 10pm this last week so hoping the power nap helps me see all the film!

Erica  Its great that you are feeling so tired and icky. Icky is a good sign. Embrace every sickie moment. Only a few more weeks and youll be moving into your second trimester and your energy levels will be on the rise.

JoJo  Sorry youre feeling a little bit off. Did you get to see the doc ? Hope you manage to stop any infection in its tracks before it gets hold of you properly.

Tanya  Im sorry the :witch: got you this month. Try not to stress about ttc. This was our first month ttc after losing Max and we were really relaxed about it, no charting, opk etc. We just made sure we had :sex: nearly every other day so there were plenty of little :spermy: where they needed to be when I ovd.

Kelly  How is your daughter? Hope she is feeling better. Ive never charted so cant offer any advice Im afraid, my only advice is plenty of :sex: right through the month :winkwink: 

Amanda  Really pleased you feel yuck!! Embrace the sickness  its a good sign. Its also brilliant news that your consultant is on the ball and organising extra scans for you. And Im also really pleased that you feel ready to have the picture of Emily, the pictures of Max have helped me enormously, I love looking at his perfect little face and Ive now reached a place where it puts a smile of my face rather than bringing tears to my eyes.

Nikki  Good on you for starting your own veggie patch. I would love to have the patience and the garden to grow my own. CD9 and ovary pain - get down to some serious baby dancing girl!!

Mhairi  How are you doing hun? I also have that iphone app, think its great for keeping track of everything.

Andrea/Natalie  Im really hope that November will be your month. 

Sending lots and lots of :dust: to everyone ttc in November. Hoping we see some more :bfp: soon.

Hope Ive not missed anyone out.

I didnt poas this morning but Im going to tomorrow. Mark is still struggling to see the line on the test and thinks Im making it up. He gets mad that I want to keep poas because they are so expensive. He just doesnt understand a womans need to pee on things :haha:

However he has decided that I smell pregnant. I'm not quite sure what he means by that!! :haha: He just said he couldn't put his finger on what it was but he recognises it and it isn't unpleasent. Anyone heard of this before or is my husband just crazy?

My sense of smell has gone crazy today, this morning I could smell the cigarette of the woman in the car next to me at the traffic lights  yuk  and my cats have started acting strange around me again. My big cat who likes cuddles wont come near me and my little girl who normally prefers to cuddle with Mark, wont leave me alone. Its exactly how they were around me when I was expecting Max.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, it's the three month anniversary of losing Max :cry::cry: If it's not too dark when I finish work I'm going to stop off at the churchyard on my way home to visit him. I miss him so much.


----------



## KamIAm

dnlfinker said:


> Hey Guys,
> 
> Which tool do you guys use to track your ovulation. THis is what I been using so far
> https://www.babymed.com/fertility-ovulation-calendar-calculator
> 
> but I am looking to explore others. OH OH according to this chart and last months cycle I was suppose to ovulate by Friday. NO wonder I been getting twitched down there. I might be out this month :(
> 
> 
> UPDATE : TESTED AND ITS BIG FAT BFN . NO REASON TO TEST
> I SHOULD JOIN THE TTC (AA) ANONYMOUS :dohh:
> Natalie



Hi Natalie! 
I use an app on my phone called Period Planner.... It's a cute lil calendar that allows me to make notes and lets me know when my AF's are due and when I'm ovulating... I like it, I actually think I'm just gonna stick with that... Not gonna buy a opk or do any other stuff.... We'll see... Figured since I've made my share of babies without that stuff, hopefully I can do it again LOL :happydance:

Glad to see all is OK with everyone.....

Yay for sick mommies!! :happydance: Grow baby grow!!! :happydance:


----------



## Nikki_d72

KamIAm said:


> Good Morning Ladies!!! :coffee:
> 
> Shockingly, I poas this morning... haha... You all knew I would, heck I couldn't wait... LOL!!! :haha: But anyways... I of course got a BFN ..
> 
> I can't put my finger on it.... But I know I don't feel right, feel off..and this right side (low) cramping is got me wondering and hoping all is ok... Today I am gonna cave and buy a OPK, I have never seen one much less use one, so guess we'll see how that works ...
> 
> Natalie, Welcome to Baby Makin' Central!!! :happydance:
> 
> We had a pretty exciting month last month, sooo here's too even more BFP's!!!! Hope we all get our Christmas BFP's!!!:happydance:
> 
> How is everyone doing or feeling today??? Everyone OK??:hugs:

Aw, sorry it's BFN Kelly. I can now confess that I did the exact same thing a few days ago, didn't want to say that till you'd tested as I know the urge won't go away once it's entered your head! I also didn't want to admit to being such a nutter, hehe. I still felt wierd, still had a bad taste in my mouth and lots of cramping and twinges so thought, what if I was? Doesn't help that that psycic I went to thought I was pregnant, and then my Mum went to another one in Scotland, who again asked if I was pregnant, and said I may be without realising it (as if! In the mad world of TTC?! Hardly - every twinge and burp is noted lol). BFN for me too, I think this is so emotive and emotional for all of us the mind plays tricks and the body joins in! maybe it's just our bodies gearing up for a glorious, mammoth November ovulation spectacular. I'm hanging onto that anyway! :winkwink: Here's to November and loads of :sex:. :dust: to all!!

xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Loving your new avatar, Andrea! xxx


----------



## ericacaca

MummyStobe said:


> Hey everyone
> 
> Erica  Its great that you are feeling so tired and icky. Icky is a good sign. Embrace every sickie moment. Only a few more weeks and youll be moving into your second trimester and your energy levels will be on the rise.


OH MY GOODNESS! I MISSED THE EXCITEMENT! CONGRATULATIONS! 

Thanks for the encouragement. I was sick sick sick for the first time last night. It was awful! I've decided to eat sweet things before I go to bed or brush my teeth... that way it'll taste nicer when out! :sick:

Sorry I've not been chatting so much, I've just been sleeping all the time! I WILL check in properly soon. Hope you lovely ladies are all good

Erica xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Loving your new avatar, Andrea! xxx

I know it's about time I changed it..LOL
XOXOXO Thanks :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

The line is getting darker :happydance: it's not a brilliant picture but it looks so good on the real thing :happydance: My angel has sent me my rainbow :happydance: Going to wait til the weekend to use my digi stick, don't think I'll be able to hide my excitement at work when I see it in writing

https://i1105.photobucket.com/albums/h347/hesalisbury/98d855d5.jpg

How is everyone today? xx


----------



## collie_crazy

What a beautiful BFP! :happydance: Your angel has most definitely sent you your rainbow :happydance::happydance:

Kelly sorry it was another BFP... wishful thinking eh? But I have a good feeling for this cycle for you! 

Natalie I use Fertility Friend and really like it. I also have the app for my phone and the Pink Pad Pro app. Good luck :thumbup: I love your fortune cookie message. 

Andrea :hugs: How are you doing? 

Erica :hugs: Sorry you're feeling so ill... but it is a good thing too! Means baby is growing big and strong :flower: I used to eat sweet things at night before bed because I would always be up at 4am puking! I found Ribena worked well LOL. 

Mhairi how are you keeping? Thinking of you :hugs:

Nikki - you can tell us anything! We will never think you are a nutter (well no more nuttier than us anyway!) You are amongst fellow POAS-aholics here :haha: I hope in a few weeks time you will peeing and seeing those fab 2nd lines appear :thumbup:

Well as for me I am still doing ok -- just so so so tired all the time, literally from the moment I wake up I could go back to bed and snooze! Which is not good when my shift at work is until midnight :sleep:

Sending lots of hugs and love to my fav girls :hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Hey Hayley, thank you. We did BD every second day from AF this month and then every day around Ov but it didn't work. :cry: 
That line is looking amazing. :flower:
Its 3 months tomorrow since Jakob was born. 13 weeks exactly today. My poor baby. I miss him so much too. I want him back inside me. I want to have a fab Christmas with 2 kiddies and it just kills me that Xmas will go by with no new baby. I was so looking forward to Xmas with OH and my 2 babies and now I can't bear the thought of it. Life is so unfair. :cry: I am just back from shopping and there is pregnant women and babies EVERYWHERE. Literally like nearly every second person. I keep imagining what my bump would be like now. 

Natalie, I hope you didn't miss ovulation. 

Nikki your not crazy at all. This who ttc thing just plays with our minds. 

Amanda- Sorry your so tired all the time but its a good sign and in a while it will pass.


----------



## KamIAm

Good Morning Ladies!! :coffee: :cold: :paper:

How are all of you?? :flower:

Nikki, girl, You know we'd never think you are a Nutt :wacko: .. LOL.. heck that's MY job LOL :haha::winkwink: .. Remember, anything is fair game around these parts, we can tell all with each other, no judgement cuz more than likely someone else is thinking or feeling the same... Girl, I STILL wanna poas! Hahaha ... Yep, I am an official POAS-aholic! :happydance::happydance: :haha:

I am counting down the days til I pounce on dear OH .. :sex:

Too all my preg mommies... I am super excited all is going great with Operation Rainbow Makers.. :thumbup: :hugs: Babies growing AMAZINGLY:happydance: Sorry you Mums are feeling icky BUT hang in there loves... :hugs:

Tanya, I SOOOO know what you are thinking and feeling right now... We are suppose to be having our lil ones this Christmas!! Suppose to be one more added to the shopping list!! It was suppose to be their first Christmas with us, their moms... Instead, they are spending it together, in a beautiful place... BUT still they aren't with us, and that sucks ....:hugs: It's gonna be a rough one for all of us I think ... :hugs: I'm trying to stay pretty positive about this, BUT trust me, I still have my moments...

I'm babysitting my friend's baby again today, I usually keep him one day a week but I haven't had him for a few weeks.. And, must say, this is my first time having lil weepy moments with him... I LOVE having him here and love loving on him, therapy for my soul :winkwink: But I had a twinge of sadness for the first time when I was rocking him earlier.. think it's because it's my first time having him since we've been ttc and I've tested a BIG FAT NOPE ... So, this I'm sure will pass...:winkwink:

Have a good one Friends... :friends::friends::friends:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw, Kelly it must be so hard to be babysitting, I'm so proud of you for being able to do it. I know it can be soothiong though and nothing wrong with having a wee cry at times. 

I babysat my neighbour's 2YO girl a few times quite soon after losing the boys and it brought me joy most of the time but I did have a complete meltdown when I took her for a walk in the buggy, I just couldn't stop myself from thinking it shouldn't be her I was pushing around. Lucky I live in the country and could safely wail and bawl around the tracks without anyone seeing me! I don't think I could have dealt with a really young baby though and a boy would be harder. 

My other neighbours have a wee boy who's just started walking and my DD goes in to play with him sometimes and loves walking him around - I find it really hard to even look at without breaking down. Crazy, eh. 

Anyway, I'm rambling but wanted to say good on you for babysitting in the first place, you are very strong, mama.

Tanya, I'm with you on the Christmas thing completely. I'm dreading it. I really wanted to go away and dissapear for it but OH's brother and family are coming from Australia to see us and we haven't seen them for 8 years so need to be here. It will be busy so I suppose that will be good. I hope it's as gentle on you as possible. And all of us.

Hayley - that line is super-clear! Your angel has brought you your rainbow, so lovely.

Nat, hope you didn't miss your surge hon and caught that egg!

Andrea, how are you doing? Passing the time till next month OK?

Mhairi - Hope you are OK hon. Thinking of you. Hope you are physically well and growing your rainbow.

Amanda, Erica - hope you are both well and growing those bubbas. Loving the sweets before bed advice so you can chuck up nice stuff! Ha, too funny! 

Jojo, how are you, girl? Not heard from you in a while. Hope all is well.

babesx3 - how are you doing?

Hope I've not missed anyone, if I have please forgive, I get a bit mixed up with user names/ Real names! 

AFM, not much to report, am hoping to get down to some serious :sex: soon but having to work tonight which will probably be a late one being Friday night and DH is doing stupid hours at work, chucking stone around all day so will probably be asleep by the time I get home - boo! Poor guy flaked out last night at about 9pm, I was tempted to wake him but thought that would be a bit rotten. I know most guys wouldn't object to being woken for a bit of action but he is seriously exhausted - I'm quite worried about him, he's losing weight as well and was skinny to begin with. Not eating enough, working to hard and a bit depressed I think. Unfortunately, I'm the opposite and eat more when I'm down so it looks like I've been eating all his dinners, haha! We look like Jack Sprat and his Wife. 

I've not had any EWCM yet anyway and am tempted to try to leave it as late as I can to try to swing for a boy, but then I feel I should leave it to chance and if I'm meant for a boy then I'll get one. I can't really afford to be fussy at my age and would be happy with whatever I get, a girl would be easier in some ways as I still have all my DD's stuff but saw how much DH's face lit up when it was boys before, he really wanted a wee boy to balance things up, he said. Haha, so me and DD can't gang up on him. 

While I'm in the mood for confessing my many madnesses, I also have a ridiculous notion that my boys' spirits could come back to me in new bodies, separately. So another reason to try for a boy but like I said - if that's meant to happen then it would without my interference. I know it's insane and not really fair to any new baby to be thinking it could possibly be Hayden or Ethan in spirit, instead of a new child, totally separate and individual in it's own right and really bordering on insane to be thinking that but it's popped into my head and now I can't get rid of it. Sorry if this offends anyone, I know it's nutty but can't deny it's in my head. I actually really worry about having another baby and constantly comparing him or her to the boys, wondering if it could be one of them or not. Maybe a girl would be best, to stop me thinking like that. I think I need my head examined, sorry. Just wondered if anyone else has wierd thoughts like this or do I need help? is things like this a normal part of the madness after losses like ours?

Hope you are all well

xxx


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, 

Yep its official you are a POAS addict. :happydance: Its normal to have a few wee twinges of sadness when with a baby. I was the exact same when my godson came visit. OH had him and DD on his knee doting on him & I just started crying as I was picturing Jakob & DD on their Daddy's knee. 

Nikki what you said about your daughter with the babies next door and feeling sadness. I am the exact same. DD loves my godson so much and she is great with him and I although I am so happy about that I get sad too because she would be such a great big sister and wanted a baby bro/sis so bad. (She wished on her birthday cake last year for a baby bro/sis). Poor wee thing. 

Nikki I don't think its crazy what you are thinking at all. If I get pregnant with a girl I know I will be super happy but as I said to OH I think I would keep trying for a boy also. I admit if I ever have a boy I will be comparing him to Jakob and wondering if Jakob would look like him at certain ages and I don't think that is crazy at all. I think it is very normal for anyone who lost a baby to compare subsequent babies with the one that passed especially a baby of the same sex. I hope your hubby is ok and gets some time to relax and destress. 

AFM I haven't had a great day today. It started off ok and just got worse and worse and I ended up lying on the couch sobbing with poor DD askign what was wrong and wiping my tears. I hate her seeing me like that and I try to keep her away from it but I just couldn't today. Tomorrow is Jakob's 3 month anniversary and I should be 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Plus OH had to go in to the baby shop and inform them that we would not be picking up our new cot next month and asked could they keep it for another while. It just all got a bit too much and I broke down but I will be better tomorrow.


----------



## jojo23

hang in there girls your bfps are around the corner xxxxxxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Tanya, I'm sorry you had a rough day. I know what you mean about trying to keep it from your DD, but she needs to see the whole range of emotions, it will actually help her deal with hers as she grows. So I've read anyway. I do it too though, we're conditioned that way. 

My DD was also so wanting to be a sister, it breaks my heart so much, Your wee girl wishing on her cake has just made me well up, the wee dote. Mine had a dream I was pregnant the week before I found out I was, she said she dreamt it again the other day and I just said "well I'm not", then felt really bad for crushing her like that but it just hurt so much. I hate that she's had to learn so young that bad things really do happen and people don't only die when they are old or sick, it sucks.

3 Months hit me hard too. As did 32 weeks, as they had said they would section me at that point if they survived. All these milestones are hard.

Anyway, I was meant to be trying to cheer you up, not make you worse, sorry! I hope it's just one of those blips we all have and you get through the 3-month mark OK and cry it all out and feel a bit better. xxx


----------



## MissMaternal

Amanda i just had to reply to your post a few pages back..... i wanted to let you know that when my Freya was born, i took about 15 pictures, and it still wasn't enough. I still felt afterwards like i had let her down by not saving enough memories of her. So even if you had taken pictures of your own, it would never have felt like enough! I'm glad that you are arranging to have the picture of her given to you. I think that will be really good for you. We will always have regrets - but the memories in your mind are the most important. 

Also, whenever i visit Freya when i am pregnant i feel bad too, so i can relate to that. It feels like i am rubbing it in and that she will think i have forgotten her and moved on. I always make a point of saying to her when i visit that no matter what, she will always be my first born child - and that's what you have to think when you visit Emily :flower:

xx


----------



## SarahJane

Nikki has just reminded me that I haven't told you guys so just nipping in to let anyone who I haven't told that I got my BFP on Tuesday. I am petrified but very happy to be pregnant :hugs:

:dust: to everyone still trying xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Congrats again! So happy for you, you deserve it so much xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

SarahJane said:


> Nikki has just reminded me that I haven't told you guys so just nipping in to let anyone who I haven't told that I got my BFP on Tuesday. I am petrified but very happy to be pregnant :hugs:
> 
> :dust: to everyone still trying xxx

I am SOoooooooooooo happy for you:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I was and still am so very excited, you deserve this so much..
XOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am doing ok, I am sick I caught something not sure what. Also i am waiting for Natalie to call me..LOL .Can't wait to talk to her.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

SarahJane said:


> Nikki has just reminded me that I haven't told you guys so just nipping in to let anyone who I haven't told that I got my BFP on Tuesday. I am petrified but very happy to be pregnant :hugs:
> 
> :dust: to everyone still trying xxx

Congratulations Sarah. So pleased and happy for you.

We can support each other through our pregnancies because we are at the same stage :friends:


----------



## yazoo

Thank you Nikki, I think your daughters dream is a sign that you will get your BFP this month. [-o&lt; I hate that they have to learn that so young also. Alot of times since Jakob was born she has cried saying that she does not want to die or she doesn't want anyone she loves to die. She also said one night "Mammy maybe we shouldn't have another baby" I asked why and she said because I don't want another baby to die, it makes me too sad. Oh God I'm welling up even writing that. You didn't make me worse at all love. I like to hear about your DD because both her and mine seem to be of a similar age and experiencing the same thing. 

Sarah don't forget to pop in here and let us know how your getting on. We want to know everything. :flower:


----------



## mhazzab

SarahJane said:


> Nikki has just reminded me that I haven't told you guys so just nipping in to let anyone who I haven't told that I got my BFP on Tuesday. I am petrified but very happy to be pregnant :hugs:
> 
> :dust: to everyone still trying xxx

I'm so happy for you, congratulations! xxxxx


----------



## KamIAm

Soooo many Rainbows in the making.... :happydance::happydance:

I am beyond excited for you ALL!! Everyone of you girls deserve this! :winkwink: :thumbup: 

BUT you better keep in touch with us... Wanna hear updates!! :happydance::happydance:


----------



## MummyStobe

KamIAm said:


> Soooo many Rainbows in the making.... :happydance::happydance:
> 
> I am beyond excited for you ALL!! Everyone of you girls deserve this! :winkwink: :thumbup:
> 
> BUT you better keep in touch with us... Wanna hear updates!! :happydance::happydance:

It's not much of an update Kelly but I poa(digi)s this morning and saw it in writing "pregnant 2-3". Feels much more real now :happydance:


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> Soooo many Rainbows in the making.... :happydance::happydance:
> 
> I am beyond excited for you ALL!! Everyone of you girls deserve this! :winkwink: :thumbup:
> 
> BUT you better keep in touch with us... Wanna hear updates!! :happydance::happydance:
> 
> It's not much of an update Kelly but I poa(digi)s this morning and saw it in writing "pregnant 2-3". Feels much more real now :happydance:Click to expand...

Yay! It does make you feel better when you see it written down, doesn't it! So happy for you xxx


----------



## collie_crazy

Yay for pregnant 2-3 :happydance: 

I also POAS the other day and got pregnant 3+ :haha: I wish digis went all the way up! :rofl: Still waiting impatiently on my first scan letter - hoping it comes in the next few days. 

Sorry I've not been on much I've been so tired that when I'm not in work I'm sleeping! So I'm finding it hard to catch up on the other threads - only really checking in in here so I can see how all my fab ladies are! We've had so many BFPs lately but still more to come! I'm thinking this is a very lucky thread! :happydance:


----------



## SarahJane

yay for digi progression - great news for you both. 

I am finding this so hard. I just feel like I am gonna lose the baby. I had an awful panic attack at 3am and it was similar to when I lost Evelyn. I was convinced I would get up today and I would be bleeding.

I am not having any symptoms really either which doesn't help. Aside for occasional waves of nausea and some twinges a couple of days ago I have nothing at all to really reassure me. I stupidly tested with a different brand of test last night and convinced myself it was lighter. I then tested this morning and it is darker again so I am extremely pleased that I have no pregnancy tests left.

I have now booked a midwife appointment on Wednesday and a consultant appointment on 28th December. The NHS have been amazing so far! My consultant's secretary even reminded me to take aspirin. 

I am supposed to be flying to Cape Verde for a holiday in 2 weeks time. I think it will do me good to take my mind off things but I am a tiny bit worried that the midwife may say I can't fly! I so need a holiday.


----------



## Andypanda6570

SarahJane said:


> yay for digi progression - great news for you both.
> 
> I am finding this so hard. I just feel like I am gonna lose the baby. I had an awful panic attack at 3am and it was similar to when I lost Evelyn. I was convinced I would get up today and I would be bleeding.
> 
> I am not having any symptoms really either which doesn't help. Aside for occasional waves of nausea and some twinges a couple of days ago I have nothing at all to really reassure me. I stupidly tested with a different brand of test last night and convinced myself it was lighter. I then tested this morning and it is darker again so I am extremely pleased that I have no pregnancy tests left.
> 
> I have now booked a midwife appointment on Wednesday and a consultant appointment on 28th December. The NHS have been amazing so far! My consultant's secretary even reminded me to take aspirin.
> 
> I am supposed to be flying to Cape Verde for a holiday in 2 weeks time. I think it will do me good to take my mind off things but I am a tiny bit worried that the midwife may say I can't fly! I so need a holiday.

Everything will be ok and you will have a H&H9Months, i know it. You have every right to be scared and nervous you have been through hell and your body and mind is being protective and cautious, it is very natural. But you must also understand stress is not good, so somehow find a little peace remind yourself that it is and will be ok and things are going to go great. I will always be saying my prayers for you and your precious baby. Try to relax and take it easy..XOXOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## SarahJane

Thanks andrea, I really hope so. I am just trying to take things one day at a time and will be happy at the moment if I get to tomorrow xx

How are you doing sweetie?


----------



## Andypanda6570

SarahJane said:


> Thanks andrea, I really hope so. I am just trying to take things one day at a time and will be happy at the moment if I get to tomorrow xx
> 
> How are you doing sweetie?

Yes take one day at a time and I just know each day will bring joy for you. I am doing fine.I actually got my AF yesterday :wacko::wacko::wacko: I was like 4 or 5 days early.. First time in a long time, but I know it is normal for this to happen. So on my 9th day which will be November 19 th I will begin OPK.. :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
I am also taking it slow and being positive.For now I love reading all the BFP 
Everyone else are getting..XOOXO:hugs::hugs::happydance::happydance:


----------



## SarahJane

Andrea - have you ever tried soy? I took 120 mg of soy this cycle from day 2-6. I have no idea if that was why I got my BFP but it certainly didn't harm! 

Because we are older mummies, it is supposed to enhance egg quality xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

SarahJane said:


> Andrea - have you ever tried soy? I took 120 mg of soy this cycle from day 2-6. I have no idea if that was why I got my BFP but it certainly didn't harm!
> 
> Because we are older mummies, it is supposed to enhance egg quality xxx

Hey thanks I will try that and how are you? I bet I am older :haha::haha::haha::haha: XOOXO


----------



## ericacaca

collie_crazy said:


> Sorry if I missed anything earlier was replying from my phone as you can probably tell with the spelling mistakes :haha:
> 
> I have so many regrets about the day Emily was born. I wish I had looked into things more, admitted that things were going downhill instead of believing that everything was going to be ok and organised to have a tiny hat and gown to put Emily in. I regret every day that she was left naked. I regret not taking my own photos and spending more time with her. But after talking to the psychologist I think it would be a good thing for me to have her pic - I know it wont be a very flattering one (she was left in a horrible white plastic tray for like hospital waste or something :cry:) but I know how beautiful SHE is so nothing else will matter. Gosh, now I'm crying.

You really shouldn't have any regrets about what happened on that day hun. You dealt with it the best way you could. I couldnt bear to look at our little one. I didnt want to see her. I didnt even want to know whether she was a girl or boy on that day. I just felt that I didnt want to remember her in the state she must have been in on that day. Our midwife did mention that she was in a really bad way - for that I'm glad I didnt see her. There is a picture in my records of her should I ever want to see it, but I really don't. I didnt find out anything until the consultant told us the causes and that was when she said that she was a girl and she was perfect in every way and it was an infection that caused her not to survive. 

Now I'm pregnant again with this little one I don't feel I have anything to hide from our first little one. I know she's in safe hands and far happier where she is now... heaven is so much better than the state this earth is in right now!

I still get really weepy about her, she should be 3 months today. And I'm really sorry if I come across as harsh and heartless with what I've just said. 

:hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> Yay for pregnant 2-3 :happydance:
> 
> I also POAS the other day and got pregnant 3+ :haha: I wish digis went all the way up! :rofl:

:happydance: Youre getting more and more pregnant :happydance:

Mark went mad at me when he thought I'd been out and bought another test, poor guy didn't realise it was left over from when we were expecting Max. Don't think I'll get away with buying anymore to see a "pregnant 3+" :nope:



collie_crazy said:


> Still waiting impatiently on my first scan letter - hoping it comes in the next few days.

I hope it does arrive soon for you. I had an early scan with Max and although all we could see was the flicker of his heartbeat it was so reassuring to see.

My consultant has given me a phone number for a Screening Midwife based at the hospital to contact when I get my bfp and shell set the ball rolling with all my appointments so I dont have to wait for GP referrals etc to be processed. Going to give her a ring on Monday and hopefully shell sort me an early scan too.



SarahJane said:


> I am finding this so hard. I just feel like I am gonna lose the baby. I had an awful panic attack at 3am and it was similar to when I lost Evelyn. I was convinced I would get up today and I would be bleeding.
> 
> I am not having any symptoms really either which doesn't help. Aside for occasional waves of nausea and some twinges a couple of days ago I have nothing at all to really reassure me.

Ive been feeling exactly the same Sarah. I'm convinced that every time I go to the loo Im going to see blood. After what weve been through I think it is natural to feel like this. I dont think any of us will relax properly until our babies are safe in our arms.

The only symptoms Im having are the odd twinge and nausea after I eat and when brushing my teeth at night and Im also really tired. I want my boobs to get really sore so that I can actually feel something changing.



SarahJane said:


> I am supposed to be flying to Cape Verde for a holiday in 2 weeks time. I think it will do me good to take my mind off things but I am a tiny bit worried that the midwife may say I can't fly! I so need a holiday.

Were looking at going on holiday next weekend, assuming my passport arrives in time! I really need a break too as not been away since our honeymoon last June. I think a break will do us both the world of good.



Andypanda6570 said:


> So on my 9th day which will be November 19 th I will begin OPK.. :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
> I am also taking it slow and being positive.For now I love reading all the BFP
> Everyone else are getting..XOOXO:hugs::hugs::happydance::happydance:

Andrea Ive got a really good feeling for you. Im sure that Ava will send you your rainbow baby soon :hugs:



ericacaca said:


> Now I'm pregnant again with this little one I don't feel I have anything to hide from our first little one. I know she's in safe hands and far happier where she is now... heaven is so much better than the state this earth is in right now!
> 
> I still get really weepy about her, she should be 3 months today. And I'm really sorry if I come across as harsh and heartless with what I've just said.
> 
> :hugs:

Erica you dont seem harsh or heartless at all. We all deal with our losses in different ways. Just because some people get comfort from seeing their babies and having pictures etc it doesnt mean everyone does. As long as you have done what was right for you and your DH then that is all that matters.


----------



## ericacaca

:hugs:[/QUOTE]

Erica you dont seem harsh or heartless at all. We all deal with our losses in different ways. Just because some people get comfort from seeing their babies and having pictures etc it doesnt mean everyone does. As long as you have done what was right for you and your DH then that is all that matters.[/QUOTE]

Wow! You ladies are so good at responding to everyone's posts! I'm really sorry I'm so rubbish at that! I'm trying my best! :blush: I see MummyStobe (is it Hayley??? I think I missed your name lovely?) you have a ticker on your siggy now! As stressful as it all is it is pretty exciting isnt it? 

I can share with you the feeling of going to the loo and expecting spotting. I'm more shocked that there isnt anything out of the ordinary. I spotted loads of times last time and I believed it was down to stress at my horrible job that I had. Now I have a new job and there are a couple of days that are stressful I keep on panicking that I'm going to start spotting again! Urgh! 

And I'm a bit confused about UK hospitals and really worried about it too. When we lived in Surrey the maternity unit was amazing... there was an Early Pregnancy Unit and there was a maternity ward etc etc. The EPU was only open 9 - 5 Mon - Fri so anyone under 12 weeks would go there or to A and E if any problems. After 12 weeks it was straight to the maternity ward. And so at 16 weeks it was comforting to know that I was around midwives and people who knew what they were doing. And then when Baby didnt survive at 18 weeks I was given a private room to deliver her and recover (trust me, I bled so much post partum I needed a private room! urgh!)

But where we are now there is no EPU and you have to go to A and E up to 20 weeks! So if the same thing happens again (Lord forbid!) then do I have to deliver a teeny baby in a general ward? I'm so scared that that is the case because it was horrendous even in a private room I couldnt bare the humiliation of losing a baby in front of other people even behind a curtain! 

And if I needed a D and C is it in a general ward? If that is the case then I'm really really scared! 

Sorry - thats the main thought in my head at the moment! It just nice to know that you''re in good hands and I'm worried I won't be! URGH! 

xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

ericacaca said:


> Wow! You ladies are so good at responding to everyone's posts! I'm really sorry I'm so rubbish at that! I'm trying my best! :blush: I see MummyStobe (is it Hayley??? I think I missed your name lovely?) you have a ticker on your siggy now! As stressful as it all is it is pretty exciting isnt it?
> 
> I can share with you the feeling of going to the loo and expecting spotting. I'm more shocked that there isnt anything out of the ordinary. I spotted loads of times last time and I believed it was down to stress at my horrible job that I had. Now I have a new job and there are a couple of days that are stressful I keep on panicking that I'm going to start spotting again! Urgh!
> 
> And I'm a bit confused about UK hospitals and really worried about it too. When we lived in Surrey the maternity unit was amazing... there was an Early Pregnancy Unit and there was a maternity ward etc etc. The EPU was only open 9 - 5 Mon - Fri so anyone under 12 weeks would go there or to A and E if any problems. After 12 weeks it was straight to the maternity ward. And so at 16 weeks it was comforting to know that I was around midwives and people who knew what they were doing. And then when Baby didnt survive at 18 weeks I was given a private room to deliver her and recover (trust me, I bled so much post partum I needed a private room! urgh!)
> 
> But where we are now there is no EPU and you have to go to A and E up to 20 weeks! So if the same thing happens again (Lord forbid!) then do I have to deliver a teeny baby in a general ward? I'm so scared that that is the case because it was horrendous even in a private room I couldnt bare the humiliation of losing a baby in front of other people even behind a curtain!
> 
> And if I needed a D and C is it in a general ward? If that is the case then I'm really really scared!
> 
> Sorry - thats the main thought in my head at the moment! It just nice to know that you''re in good hands and I'm worried I won't be! URGH!
> 
> xxx

Yeah it is Hayley...you remember better than you give yourself credit for.

I couldn't resist the ticker. I know it is still early days and I'm taking each day a step at a time but I figure it isn't going to do me any good to think the worst all the time so I'm trying to stay as positive as possible. We've decided that we aren't going to tell anyone about being pregnant yet, we're going to try and wait til Christmas if we can so having a ticker on here is my way of shouting about it.

I'm sorry you feel like that about your local hospital. I'm sure that you will get the best possible care from any medical staff that you have dealings with. If you don't mind me asking, which is your local hospital?

I've always used my community midwife as a first point of contact for any problems.  When I started spotting at about 17 weeks when I was expecting Max I rang them and they told me to ring the Maternity Day Unit and I dealt with them directly after that. They were only open 8 - 6 so I always contacted the Delivery Suite out of hours. 

Sorry that probably hasn't helped you at all, I've just rambled on :dohh:


----------



## ericacaca

MummyStobe said:


> ericacaca said:
> 
> 
> Wow! You ladies are so good at responding to everyone's posts! I'm really sorry I'm so rubbish at that! I'm trying my best! :blush: I see MummyStobe (is it Hayley??? I think I missed your name lovely?) you have a ticker on your siggy now! As stressful as it all is it is pretty exciting isnt it?
> 
> I can share with you the feeling of going to the loo and expecting spotting. I'm more shocked that there isnt anything out of the ordinary. I spotted loads of times last time and I believed it was down to stress at my horrible job that I had. Now I have a new job and there are a couple of days that are stressful I keep on panicking that I'm going to start spotting again! Urgh!
> 
> And I'm a bit confused about UK hospitals and really worried about it too. When we lived in Surrey the maternity unit was amazing... there was an Early Pregnancy Unit and there was a maternity ward etc etc. The EPU was only open 9 - 5 Mon - Fri so anyone under 12 weeks would go there or to A and E if any problems. After 12 weeks it was straight to the maternity ward. And so at 16 weeks it was comforting to know that I was around midwives and people who knew what they were doing. And then when Baby didnt survive at 18 weeks I was given a private room to deliver her and recover (trust me, I bled so much post partum I needed a private room! urgh!)
> 
> But where we are now there is no EPU and you have to go to A and E up to 20 weeks! So if the same thing happens again (Lord forbid!) then do I have to deliver a teeny baby in a general ward? I'm so scared that that is the case because it was horrendous even in a private room I couldnt bare the humiliation of losing a baby in front of other people even behind a curtain!
> 
> And if I needed a D and C is it in a general ward? If that is the case then I'm really really scared!
> 
> Sorry - thats the main thought in my head at the moment! It just nice to know that you''re in good hands and I'm worried I won't be! URGH!
> 
> xxx
> 
> Yeah it is Hayley...you remember better than you give yourself credit for.
> 
> I couldn't resist the ticker. I know it is still early days and I'm taking each day a step at a time but I figure it isn't going to do me any good to think the worst all the time so I'm trying to stay as positive as possible. We've decided that we aren't going to tell anyone about being pregnant yet, we're going to try and wait til Christmas if we can so having a ticker on here is my way of shouting about it.
> 
> I'm sorry you feel like that about your local hospital. I'm sure that you will get the best possible care from any medical staff that you have dealings with. If you don't mind me asking, which is your local hospital?
> 
> I've always used my community midwife as a first point of contact for any problems. When I started spotting at about 17 weeks when I was expecting Max I rang them and they told me to ring the Maternity Day Unit and I dealt with them directly after that. They were only open 8 - 6 so I always contacted the Delivery Suite out of hours.
> 
> Sorry that probably hasn't helped you at all, I've just rambled on :dohh:Click to expand...



Ooooh yeah! I remember now! I should call my community midwife up first! :dohh: and she also told me to still call up the labour ward to see where they think I should go to get checked up if there is a problem! 

Our hospital is Milton Keynes General. I've heard they have improved... now they have 1 to 1 delivery care ( so what did they have in the FIRST place? )

And I understand about the ticker giving you the chance to be loud about it on here! We arent going to be too loud about it for another couple of months. I really want to get the 18 week mark out the way and see if we can make it past then! People who know are praying and supporting us in whatever way they can whatever happens and we're happy with a few people knowing - just not my entire friends list on Facebook! lol! 

Erica x


----------



## ericacaca

And I'm getting rather excited now as I have a pizza delivery on its way! Naughty I know - but I've been after one all week! :pizza:


----------



## SarahJane

I am 35 Andrea! I feel about 90 tho :haha:

Mummystobe - I hope you have a wonderful holiday too and that it takes your mind off the stress. I have just noticed that we have an identical EDD, we are having twins! Incidentally I am also on my 3rd pregnancy so I am also hoping for 3rd time lucky...

Ericacaca - how was the pizza? What sort did you have? x


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just had to have a rant... im so annoyed with first trimester forum lol... i cant believe how unsupportive the ladies are there, i come on here and i know you all care so much and we all understand each other and are happy and sad together! then i go on there and theres people actually telling other women not to get their hopes up when they think they may be pregnant because its silly and they havent had a 'real loss' so they dont know what its like and the same commenter told a lady she wasnt sympathetic that the lady ttc got her period this month!!... im shocked as we all know how devastating it is getting af each month of ttc! i really thought it was all about helping each other when we feel down and giving each other hope when we need it most! 

sorry for the rant but im seriously annoyed and also wanted to say how amazing everyone of you are for giving support and keeping my hopes up when i felt down and out of the race!! im grateful for you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SarahJane

I know that feeling Jojo!

I get so annoyed with the "real loss" comments. I am 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant, if I lose this baby I will be heartbroken. I also lost Evelyn at 23 weeks. There is no bloody scale of grief which makes one loss worse than another. 

In reality I would probably deal with an early loss better now but if I hadn't lost Evelyn I would be totally devastated regardless of when it happened and it would be like the end of the world.

When TTC if you don't have hope you would go insane xxx


----------



## jojo23

SarahJane said:


> I know that feeling Jojo!
> 
> I get so annoyed with the "real loss" comments. I am 4 weeks and 4 days pregnant, if I lose this baby I will be heartbroken. I also lost Evelyn at 23 weeks. There is no bloody scale of grief which makes one loss worse than another.
> 
> In reality I would probably deal with an early loss better now but if I hadn't lost Evelyn I would be totally devastated regardless of when it happened and it would be like the end of the world.
> 
> When TTC if you don't have hope you would go insane xxx

agreed hun!! i was so disgusted when i saw these comments im afraid i had a little rant at the women in question hope i dont get into trouble lol! but i just think its awful to bring anyone down when they are already losing hope.... i know wat you mean hun i lost lily at 22 weeks and im now 9 weeks pregnant, i keep telling myself that the chances of something going wrong are so slim but yet im preparing myself for bad news...crazy isnt it!!! 

huge congrats on your pregnancy hun, the gorgeous Evelyn will be your guardian angel for this precious little one!! how are you feeling hun?xxxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## SarahJane

OMFG I just read that - she has had a REAL loss???????? I am so tempted to be really nasty but am gonna bite my tongue. You were spot on in what you said!

I would like to rename the last part of name from girl to child!

I am so happy to be pregnant, I am like you though and expecting the worst. For me, the best outcome at the moment will be to get to the end of the day without losing this baby x


----------



## jojo23

yeah hun see this lady josephine was having some wacky things go on with her body but her hpts were negative and she wasnt really getting much help from her doctor so she started the thread to get advice, and lets face it we all get a bit crazy when we think we may be pregnant. anyways she ended up getting AF but it was very heavy and she thought she may have had a very early loss. but this other lady then says she shouldnt get her hopes up in future and its silly to go on the way she did and she was glad that af had got her and had no sympathy for her!

i just think its awful like everyones body is different, lots of us symptom spot, i didnt get a positive hpt until 4 weeks late and really needed advice here. if i had eventually gotten af i would have been so upset! really is not nice to say things like that to someone.

yeah hun i have my second scan tomorrow and im just not getting my hopes up at all its a terrible way to be but i think after a loss it really taints pregnancy for us. i always thought before i lost Lily that pregnancy was this magical lovely time and i never realised how many women had early and late losses. my doctor told me 50% of women that have an early loss never even realised they were pregnant just thought AF was a little later than usual, thats crazy!
but she also told me the odds of anything happenin this time in pregnancy are so minute!! just think i am so happy that i can come here and ask everyones advice and share happy news and hopefully give advice to those poor ladies who are going through what we all did! god knows its hard enough without feelin alone!are you going to have an early scan hun???xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mhazzab

SarahJane said:


> OMFG I just read that - she has had a REAL loss???????? I am so tempted to be really nasty but am gonna bite my tongue. You were spot on in what you said!
> 
> I would like to rename the last part of name from girl to child!
> 
> I am so happy to be pregnant, I am like you though and expecting the worst. For me, the best outcome at the moment will be to get to the end of the day without losing this baby x

I just read the thread too -wow! Nasty words, I feel sorry for the OP all she wanted was some advice and reassurance, poor girl, well done you for stepping in, you did it very tactfully although someone sounds like she could do with a slap around the head! real loss? Who is she to define what that is?

I mostly avoid the first tri section I feel I just don't fit in there at all, my innocence has been taken from me.

Hope you and your rainbows are both well, jojo and Sarah xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad: Those forums really piss the shit out of me:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad: (sorry I cursed) I got jumped on in the third trimester cause some idiot was asking if Labor and having a Miscarriage were similar :cry::cry::cry: I called the person disgusting and everyone jumped on me and said it was a legitimate question, well I didn't think it was. How could they be the same, with labor your going to see your child with absolute joy miscarraige your feeling dead inside to greet your dead baby :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: Idiots I say....
I am so sorry if any of you are hurt, I think we are better off staying here, cause if I go off on some of the nitwits I will get banned.
OXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Oh Sarah I am exactly the same... My OH is just so excited, he's talking non-stop about names and plans and has even started clearing out the back room (its a big job!). But I just cant. I actually cant even visualise bringing a baby home. Infact last night I had a dream that I was burying another tiny baby in a blue coffin - I woke myself up sobbing and then almost had a panic attack when I realised that they wouldn't be able to be buried together because the lair only permits one :cry: Now I feel guilty for having such morbid thoughts but I just cant help it. Everytime I go to the toilet I expect blood and I dont know why because its not as though I had that experience with Emily -- I just keep expecting something to go wrong. I will be having a 6 week scan and I just feel that something will be wrong then too - they wont be able to see a heartbeat or somethig. I think thats why I keep POAS, because its the only way I can tell that things are still ok... for now. I'm struggling big time and trying to just keep my head down and not really think about it - which is horrible but the only way I can get through it I think. 

Last night I read about another angel mummy on the FB group who got her BFP the same day as me and she is miscarrying now. I sobbed so hard last night. For her, for her baby, for how enormously unfair all of this is. I am terrified :sad1: 

I am sure the MW will allow you to fly, I flew in my first trimester last time. I think there is only concerns after the 28 week mark or something :hugs: I think the holiday will do you good and give you time to relax :)

Erica :hugs: You dont sound harsh or heartless at all. We all deal with things differently. For me I knew I wanted to see Emily, but then when I did it was all too much for me - I was in a real mess. Now I regret not touching her and looking at her more, but if I actually think about it sensibly I know I was in no state at the time to do that. 

About the A&E thing... I would imagine if you went in through A&E you would then be referred to the maternity unit if needed. And if you have a D&C I believe you would go to a general gynae ward... I was in a general gynae ward when I had mine 8 weeks after delivery. There was a woman in the next bed to me who had just had a miscarriage at 9 weeks, one across that had ovarian cysts and another that had general pains in 'that area' so a bit of a mixed bag :( But everyone was lovely. 

Andrea so happy 'that time' is coming up soon :happydance: I'm sure you will be cooking that rainbow baby in no time at all! 

Jojo I peeked in at the first tri boards like once and then ran out again. I guess in there people are only really there for a couple of months at most and everyone comes and goes... whereas in here its been the same people for a while so you get to know each other and can support each other more. There are some really really bitchy people out there I prefer to hide from them LOL! I have ventured into Pregnancy after Loss board which I feel more 'at home' in but its a bit quiet in there... so I just stick to in here :thumbup: 

WOW long post sorry! Thats what happens when I dont come on for a few days so much to reply to! 
Hope the rest of you girls are doing well? :hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Hey girls, 

My nose got the better of me and I went looking for the thread you were talking about Joelene. Wow that girl is a bitch. I have noticed some very bitchy people on these boards (obviously not in here you are all fantastic :winkwink: ) 

Amanda its sweet that you OH is excited about the pregnancy but I think I'd feel the exact same as you. I can't say for sure as I'm not yet pg but I think I will find it hard to be excited and won't be happy until after I reach 22 weeks. Even then I think I'd be scared of everything. 

I ordered conceive plus from ebay the other day. AF has finished so I am eagerly waiting for it to arrive. I really hope it arrives in time. 

How is everyone doing? xx


----------



## jojo23

glad you feel the same girls thought it might be just me and my hormones lol... hate anyone being mean in this situation!

andrea i agree people can be very tactless in some of the forums and i do understand that we know the horrible side of pregnancy and perhaps they are just ignorant to it and im glad they are cause i wouldnt wish it on anyone, but we all need advice!!def better off sitckin to all you lovely ladiesxx

thanks mhazzab im doing well, have another scan in the morning so literally have everything crossed thanks for thinkin of me xxxx

Tanya im so happy your keeping positive and cant wait for you to get started this month, ill be literally praying every day for everyone to get their bfps..no one deserves it more! xxx

amanda i totally know the feeling, im not even getting my hopes up with this pregnancy cause im half expecting something to be wrong tomorrow when i go in! its a horrible way to be but thats what pregnancy is for us now, wish we could all go back to the blissful ignorance of it all! everything will be fine for you hun, worries and fear are totally natural and if we didnt have them id be worrying lol!! so glad your OH is so supportive xxxx

hope everyone else is doing well...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## ericacaca

SarahJane said:


> I am 35 Andrea! I feel about 90 tho :haha:
> 
> Mummystobe - I hope you have a wonderful holiday too and that it takes your mind off the stress. I have just noticed that we have an identical EDD, we are having twins! Incidentally I am also on my 3rd pregnancy so I am also hoping for 3rd time lucky...
> 
> Ericacaca - how was the pizza? What sort did you have? x

The pizza was AMAZING thanks SarahJane! I had half Ham/Pinapple and the other a meat feat with a stuffed crust! I have some left for lunch now! Nom nom nom nom! xxx


----------



## mhazzab

ericacaca said:


> SarahJane said:
> 
> 
> I am 35 Andrea! I feel about 90 tho :haha:
> 
> Mummystobe - I hope you have a wonderful holiday too and that it takes your mind off the stress. I have just noticed that we have an identical EDD, we are having twins! Incidentally I am also on my 3rd pregnancy so I am also hoping for 3rd time lucky...
> 
> Ericacaca - how was the pizza? What sort did you have? x
> 
> The pizza was AMAZING thanks SarahJane! I had half Ham/Pinapple and the other a meat feat with a stuffed crust! I have some left for lunch now! Nom nom nom nom! xxxClick to expand...

Mmmm, you got any spare for me? Sounds yum x


----------



## ericacaca

jojo23 said:


> yeah hun see this lady josephine was having some wacky things go on with her body but her hpts were negative and she wasnt really getting much help from her doctor so she started the thread to get advice, and lets face it we all get a bit crazy when we think we may be pregnant. anyways she ended up getting AF but it was very heavy and she thought she may have had a very early loss. but this other lady then says she shouldnt get her hopes up in future and its silly to go on the way she did and she was glad that af had got her and had no sympathy for her!
> 
> i just think its awful like everyones body is different, lots of us symptom spot, i didnt get a positive hpt until 4 weeks late and really needed advice here. if i had eventually gotten af i would have been so upset! really is not nice to say things like that to someone.
> 
> yeah hun i have my second scan tomorrow and im just not getting my hopes up at all its a terrible way to be but i think after a loss it really taints pregnancy for us. i always thought before i lost Lily that pregnancy was this magical lovely time and i never realised how many women had early and late losses. my doctor told me 50% of women that have an early loss never even realised they were pregnant just thought AF was a little later than usual, thats crazy!
> but she also told me the odds of anything happenin this time in pregnancy are so minute!! just think i am so happy that i can come here and ask everyones advice and share happy news and hopefully give advice to those poor ladies who are going through what we all did! god knows its hard enough without feelin alone!are you going to have an early scan hun???xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I saw that thread and thought that poster lady was really mean. HOW DARE SHE? I think to be fair she was wanting a reaction - I'm not going to take many of her posts seriously from now on. A "real" loss????? Good grief! Every time a woman is TTC and ends up on their period is a real loss to them baby or no baby! Argh! 

And I agree JoJo, pregnancy really isnt this magical whilrlwind of excitement this time around. The scans and check ups to me arent exciting at the moment they're just times to see if anything is wrong. Alot of people say oh yeah after 12 weeks your home dry! Thats what I was told alot when I had problems with Baby. But you arent home safe until that little baby is living, breathing, sleeping, crying in your arms! I keep on saying to my husband "I really want a baby" and he keeps on reminding me that there is one growing in me.... I just really don't see it this way this time around. Wierd I suppose but hey! 

xxx


----------



## jojo23

exactly hun, i felt devastated every month i got AF so i dont think its fair on anyone to be like that when really all that lady wanted was some advice and support!

yeah i was just speaking with a friend earlier and was telling her how i never realised how scary pregnancy was. you think its all happy and joyous etc and then you get news that changes you forever.... so the second time around im even more scared!!! i wish someone had told me how unglamorous it all is lol, they make you think its this magical time where nothing goes wrong and you feel glowing! far from it lol... but at the end of the day if i had to sit at the toilet bowl sick for the next 9 months. and my bum gets as big as a bus then it will all be worth it if this LO comes into the world healthy and happy!

i never realised being a mum starts from the minute you see those 2 pink lines....and the feeling never leaves you even when your little baby has to!


:hugs: to you all girls xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MummyStobe

SarahJane said:


> Mummystobe - I have just noticed that we have an identical EDD, we are having twins! Incidentally I am also on my 3rd pregnancy so I am also hoping for 3rd time lucky...

I also got my bfp on Tues, which if I remember reading correctly is also when you got yours?

Wouldn't it be spooky if we go on to have our rainbow babies on the same date.


----------



## MummyStobe

mhazzab said:


> I mostly avoid the first tri section I feel I just don't fit in there at all, my innocence has been taken from me.

I also feel like I don't fit in there. I think I may just stay in here, I feel safe here!

I also read the thread that has been the topic of discussion this afternoon and I'm absolutely appalled at the comments of that woman. I'd have thought that having suffered a 'real loss' herself she would have been a bit more compassionate towards the OP.


----------



## MummyStobe

ericacaca said:


> The pizza was AMAZING thanks SarahJane! I had half Ham/Pinapple and the other a meat feat with a stuffed crust! I have some left for lunch now! Nom nom nom nom! xxx

You can't beat left over pizza. mmmmm yum yum. Think you've just triggered my first craving :haha:


----------



## kiki04

I am so afraid of getting any hopes up.... but my chart is making me wonder...and also I do not feel AF coming :shrug: Take a peek and tell me what you think....


----------



## SarahJane

Chart looks great Kiki - are you tempted to test yet?

Pizza... yyuuuuuummmmmmyyy and ham and pinapple is my total favourite ever pizza. Just made DH get in the kitchen and make me some cheese on toast as a compromise!

Mummystobe, I also got my BFP Tuesday, I think we are in a parallel world!

I have been asleep all afternoon on the sofa - this is the pregnant life! zzzzzzzzzzz


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> I am so afraid of getting any hopes up.... but my chart is making me wonder...and also I do not feel AF coming :shrug: Take a peek and tell me what you think....

Your chart looks good...when is your AF due? I'll have everything crossed for you xx


----------



## kiki04

AF was due today :shrug:


----------



## SarahJane

OOOOHHHH kiki - I think you could be pregnant babe with temps still so high x


----------



## kiki04

Im very nervous for tomorrows temp... if it is still high I will start to freak out a bit but if it drops then I will know....


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> AF was due today :shrug:

Oh wow! Don't want to get too excited for you yet just incase, as I know how devastating it is if it doesnt work out..so I will sit here quietly awaiting some good news... :) and hope for the best! 

Will you test tomorrow, or are you holding off for now? Xxx


----------



## kiki04

Well I will see what tomorrows temp brings me and if it is still high I will test on tues :thumbup:


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> Well I will see what tomorrows temp brings me and if it is still high I will test on tues :thumbup:

Wow you've got great willpower I am impressed! Good luck x


----------



## MummyStobe

kiki04 said:


> Well I will see what tomorrows temp brings me and if it is still high I will test on tues :thumbup:

Fingers crossed for you hun. Keep us posted. xx


----------



## kiki04

Well I want it more than anything but I refuse to let myself get too into the idea of it only to be gutted when it doesnt happen... I will keep you all updated for sure!


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Well I want it more than anything but I refuse to let myself get too into the idea of it only to be gutted when it doesnt happen... I will keep you all updated for sure!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Good Luck..XOXO


----------



## MissMaternal

Fingers crossed for when you test kiki! Hope those temps stay high! Xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Fingers crossed for another high temp tomorrow Kiki! :hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hi ladies, been AWOL for a wee while and struggling to catch up now, phew!

Kiki, everything crossed for you hon! 

I hope the rest of you are all doing well, I'm sorry all you prego mummies are feeling so stressed, I can only imagine how scary it is and how many conflicting emotions it throws up for you. I'm hoping the fear will subside a bit as time goes on but I know it may not for some. I wish you all the best 9months you can have and it will all be worth it in the end. 

How's everyone else doing? Any more symptom-spotting or are you all being very good and sane and not getting into it this month? 

I pretty much stay away from the "normal" areas of B&B, or at least don't expect much from it - I learned a long time ago how unsupportive some folk can be out there - I got into a few arguments when I ventured out of the home and natural birth section as some people were downright rude about others choices. We're safe and understood here.

AFM: I'm only on CD14 and got very strong OV pains last night at work, but haven't had any EWCM since Fri 11th (CD11) so I'm a bit puzzled. Either I OV'd early at CD11 or 12, or I no longer get EWCM at OV time. Puzzled. BD on 11th and 13th, would of on the 12th as well, but OH passed out, the poor love. I had to hassle a bit to get him on board those nights, lol. Too much work. I'm not too hopeful this month and haven't started the craziness yet, I've no doubt I'll have myself convinced I'm pregnant again by this time next week. Really, really want to be pregnant by Christmas, if I'm not I think I'll just get myself really drunk and pass out till it's over!

Hope you are well - love to all! xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Irrational thoughts have well and truly kicked in this morning.

Because of the increase in CM I'm convinced that I have started bleeding and keep dashing off to the loo just to make sure.

And I've also started thinking what if I'm not really pregnant and my hcg levels never went back down after August, which is silly because I've had two normal periods and everytime I've tested the line has been darker.

I think it's because I've made the call to the midwife this morning which has made it seem much more real.

Argh the next 36 weeks are going to be sooooo long!


----------



## Andypanda6570

MummyStobe said:


> Irrational thoughts have well and truly kicked in this morning.
> 
> Because of the increase in CM I'm convinced that I have started bleeding and keep dashing off to the loo just to make sure.
> 
> And I've also started thinking what if I'm not really pregnant and my hcg levels never went back down after August, which is silly because I've had two normal periods and everytime I've tested the line has been darker.
> 
> I think it's because I've made the call to the midwife this morning which has made it seem much more real.
> 
> Argh the next 36 weeks are going to be sooooo long!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: You have every right to worry, but try to relax/I know everything is going to be wonderful and beautiful for you..XOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just wanted to update...had my second scan this morning and everything looks good :) saw little bubs heartbeat which has relaxed me to no end lol im still trying to be very cautious but is it silly that i have gotten my hopes up just a little?!? im 8weeks 4 days and dont have to go back to early pregnancy unit again just wait for my booking app! thank you all for your prayers thoughts and hopes, i really think its what has given me faith these past few weeks to believe in this LO xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just wanted to update...had my second scan this morning and everything looks good :) saw little bubs heartbeat which has relaxed me to no end lol im still trying to be very cautious but is it silly that i have gotten my hopes up just a little?!? im 8weeks 4 days and dont have to go back to early pregnancy unit again just wait for my booking app! thank you all for your prayers thoughts and hopes, i really think its what has given me faith these past few weeks to believe in this LO xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am just so happy for you, my heart is so happy when I see all of you getting your BFP.. I wish you so much love , you deserve this my friend.. Let us know each step of the way how things are going, I love hearing it...
XOXOOXOXOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Jojo that's fantastic news that all is looking well that's amazing you saw the heartbeat, I'm so happy for you.

Hayley- I keep running to the toilet expecting blood too, I dont know why as I never had early bleeding last time. Just paranoid I guess!

Xx


----------



## yazoo

Hello beautiful ladies, how are you all doing? 

Kiki I have my fingers crossed for you. You chart looks good. 

Hi Nikki :flower: I'm only on CD7 right now so no symptom spotting for me yet. Would it be possible that you got EWCM before O? I haven't been getting any EWCM recently (stupid body) but I started taking evening primrose oil on CD1 so fingers crossed. Your poor OH- this ttc does really take it out of you especially after working etc all day. I believe that this month is our month but if its not then we will all be here to support each other or like you I may hide til Xmas is over. lol. 

Hayley- I really feel for all of your girls that are pregnant right now. This baby of yours is a keeper. Everything will go fine. I know its hard not to worry but have faith that you will take this special little rainbow home. :hugs::hugs:

Joelene- woohoo. I am delighted that everything went ok. I have been thinking about you all morning. I'm so happy you got to see bubs heartbeat. Its not silly that you have got your hopes up at all. You want this baby more than anything so of course you are excited about it. When will your booking appt be? It varies in all hospitals across Ireland doesn't it. Here it is 20 weeks. 

Hey Andrea- how are you? 

Kelly your keeping a bit quiet this past couple of days. Hope your ok. :hugs:


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## collie_crazy

Oh Hayley I'm doing exactly the same thing! I got a lot of CM in the early weeks with Emily too but this time my heart literally stops when I feel it and off I run to the loo fully expecting blood. 

I'm wishing away the next 6 weeks so I can have my 12 week scan and relax a little. Or at least I hope I will relax a little by then! 

Jojo :happydance: yay for good scan! 

Right I'm off to bed for a snooze before work at 3 :haha: I cant seem to get through the day without it now! Especially as I work till midnight!


----------



## yazoo

Happy snoozing Amanda. :flower:


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Hello beautiful ladies, how are you all doing?
> 
> Kiki I have my fingers crossed for you. You chart looks good.
> 
> Hi Nikki :flower: I'm only on CD7 right now so no symptom spotting for me yet. Would it be possible that you got EWCM before O? I haven't been getting any EWCM recently (stupid body) but I started taking evening primrose oil on CD1 so fingers crossed. Your poor OH- this ttc does really take it out of you especially after working etc all day. I believe that this month is our month but if its not then we will all be here to support each other or like you I may hide til Xmas is over. lol.
> 
> Hayley- I really feel for all of your girls that are pregnant right now. This baby of yours is a keeper. Everything will go fine. I know its hard not to worry but have faith that you will take this special little rainbow home. :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Joelene- woohoo. I am delighted that everything went ok. I have been thinking about you all morning. I'm so happy you got to see bubs heartbeat. Its not silly that you have got your hopes up at all. You want this baby more than anything so of course you are excited about it. When will your booking appt be? It varies in all hospitals across Ireland doesn't it. Here it is 20 weeks.
> 
> Hey Andrea- how are you?
> 
> Kelly your keeping a bit quiet this past couple of days. Hope your ok. :hugs:

I am doing great, thanks,. I am going today at 9 am to get 2 wisdom teeth pulled .I am a nervous wreck :wacko::wacko:
I just posted on Kelly's profile she hasn't been here since Friday, I am a bit worried..
Love To All XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Hello My Beautiful Friends!!! :flower:

I am terribly sorry I haven't been on in the last few days... I have been sick! UGH .. Still not feeling so well... But started taking medicine (antibiotic) so hopefully this will kick it's butt and get gone.... 

I had ALOT of catching up to do with you chatty lil monkeys.. :haha: Sounds like all is going well, or to be expected... 

I am super excited that all the rainbow makers' are doing well.. I see you all are pretty much a nervous wreck and I sooo don't blame you on that, I'll be just the same WHEN my rainbow comes to me ... I do hate that you all are feeling this way tho... :hugs:

According to my lil calendar that I have been using to keep track of my "O"... I am in THAT TIME NOW!!! Crap, it soooo crept in and surprised me! :dohh: I have been icky sick AND my poor OH is having dental surgery done this morning SOOOO the odds of IT happening this month is looking slim ... We still had a lil romp :sex: last night (which is 4 days before) Just not sure how he's gonna feel and how many more times we'll get in any this week ... The 17th is the Glorious day soooo we'll see..... 

Oh Yea, Something else I wanted to share with you all..... Remember how we was talking about weird things happening or being said to us, our "signs" ..?? WELL .... My brother called me yesterday, let me give you a tab bit of history, we dont talk much or see each other only maybe 1-2 a year, and yes he lives super close, we're just not close... BUT anyways... So, when he called me , I was immediately worried, thinking someone was hurt or something was wrong... He said he needed to see me, needed to talk to me about something.... So I ended up meeting him 30 minutes later... He is into the paranormal stuff, he actually is a part of a group that "ghost hunts" investigates sightings and odd things... ANYWAYS ... He went on a "hunt" Saturday night and ended up meeting this guy that is a Medium... He's never heard or seen him before BUT this guy kept telling my brother that he kept seeing an older lady with a tiny lil baby girl... Well, my brother, not being all that close to me couldn't think of who the baby girl could have been so the man kept digging for information from the "ghost" or "spirit"... Then finally it told the man to tell my brother the baby's name is Emma .... I don't know what to say or think about this.... He then rattled off a ton of information that he was told by this Medium... Said he seen a vision, that Emma was gonna be a big sister, in fact we was gonna have a lil brother for her, He said that I already knew all this :shrug:... Well, I mentioned to my brother the dream that I had last weekend about us having a boy and I even had his name picked out in the dream, it was so detailed.... My brother kept saying it wasn't a dream, that is was a vision.... :shrug: He said that is why the man said I already knew this.... I honestly don't know how I feel about all this information that was thrown at me yesterday... Not sure if I believe or not.... I keep trying to figure out how the man knew so much and why ME? :shrug: Is this a lil TOO far fetched? What do you girls honestly think??

Jojo... I don't blame ya Hon ... I haven't read the post you was mentioning BUT I completely understand what you girls mean about THIS place being safe and supportive... I have recently ventured out into the ttc after a loss section and I haven't been welcomed much by any actually... Anytime I post a new thread or just post on someone elses stuff, I hardly ever get any feedback SO I have decided my butt will just stay HOME :flower: ... Here for everything :winkwink: And so can you girls... Just keep your fannies here where you all belong :hugs::winkwink:


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## dnlfinker

Sorry I have not been here for a while eigher . I hope that everybody is doing just fine. 
I spoke to Andrea on Friday , it was actually so nice to put a voice to a name!

I am now officially in WW2 period and its making me as nervous as I can be. I keep praying in my head several times a day that we have a rainbow waiting for us. We would like to complete our family and it feels as though , one little member is missing. I been getting really weird dreams lately , and now I am remember that I dreamed of the day that I lost my little girl because I was crying really hard in a dream.


It seems like those of us that are waiting to TTC this month we are all very close to that time . LET DECEMBER BE THE MONTH TO REMEMBER, BABY DUST TO ALL!:dust::dust::dust::dust:


----------



## jojo23

thanks Andrea its the first time i got a little excited about my pregnancy! i get my first booking in app at 12weeks, they do all blood tests etc then and a scan and check my weight (eek)blood pressure etc.. and after that its 20weeks to check for any problems with baby so thats the biggie!im just gonna take it week by week now and hope to god for the best xxx

girls december is your month!!! i cant wait to hear how all of you are getting on with the baby making!:)

Kelly thats an amazing story! i actually got goosebumps reading it, it just couldnt be a coincidence!! sorry your feelin sick hun but keep your strength up and hopefully your lovely man will feel better too so ye can get down to business lol!

love to all girls xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## kiki04

Wow thats amazing Kelly! You and Andrea both got such chilling happenings this month!!!



> I am now officially in WW2 period and its making me as nervous as I can be. I keep praying in my head several times a day that we have a rainbow waiting for us. We would like to complete our family and it feels as though , one little member is missing. I been getting really weird dreams lately , and now I am remember that I dreamed of the day that I lost my little girl because I was crying really hard in a dream.

Goodluck!! I have everything crossed for your BFP!! :happydance: 

Jojo- I am sure everything will be just perfect at your apt :hugs: 

As for me... huge temp plummet this morning. No AF yet but I am pretty sure it is a no go :shrug:


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## Nikki_d72

Aw Kiki, I hope not hon. 

Kelly, that's awesome! I fully believe in stuff like that, don't get me wrong, there are scammers and charlatans out there who claim to have gifts but don't so I'm always cautiously skeptical but that is so accurate, it must make you happy to hear! Who was the lady, did he find out? was it a relative of yours?

Jojo, that's great you got to see the heartbeat and I'm glad you are gaining more hope, where would we be without hope! 

Nat, Gl on 2WW, I'll be there with ya!

Andrea, I hope the dentist is kind and gentle and it's over easily - I got mine out years ago when I was still a student and just did it in my lunch hour, it was no biggie. It sounds a bit wierd but fine other than that. I looked a bit strange walking back with a frozen face though, hehe. 

Thanks, Tanya.

Hope all our little rainbow-carriers are good and well today! 

AFM: I had a hellish night at work last night - first off there were baby birds nesting in the wall and the boss's brother decided they were too noisy so blocked them in with expanding foam before my shift started, so I could hear them calling out for food all night and see their mummy bird jumping around outside the hole she used to get in through, so agitated and distressed with food in her beak, it broke my heart, it was so cruel - they would have been out of there in a week or two and they could have blocked it then. The bosses weren't there but I left a note telling them how disgusted I was, I really wanted to just walk out though. 

Then another little man who comes in a lot asked me when I was due my baby and I broke down in front of him, it was so embarrassing. It turned out he was a retired obstetrician though, which I didn't know and ended up asking all about what happened and asking what care I'd get etc - I never thought I'd be discussing my cervix with a male diner, that was pretty wierd! There was nobody else inside at that point, thank God, I doubt he would have gone into it with me if ther had been. Another man asked me yesterday too, but I managed to brush it off then, didn't do so well last night though. I hate that I have to brush it off at all, just to make others more comfortable - if I wasn't at work I wouldn't do that, I'm finding it so hard to keep faking a smile and making smalltalk in there, I really need to get out of that job but I don't think my brain's up to starting something new either - I've zero concentration span. Does anyone else get that fuzzy brain thing or am I just nuts? Does it get any better? I feel like an empty-headed dizzy eedjit. Then I had a complaint about a meal which I dealt with but the chef was a real ar*e about. I've just had it. Anyway, enough moaning but that was my night.

Hope everyone's well today and less doomy than me! xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Nikki ~ Heck, I'm ditzy, air headed all the time soooo not much of a change in me lately LOL! :wacko:

Oh and YES, The older lady that was there bugging the medium, was his mother in law that recently passed from breast cancer ... The things he heard from this guy was quite shocking!! Only things that was said or known between my brother and Martha , this man knew! It was a crazy!! The man had sooo much information.. I told my brother he better go home right away and tell his wife and to write all of it down!!!


----------



## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> I'm wishing away the next 6 weeks so I can have my 12 week scan and relax a little. Or at least I hope I will relax a little by then!

Right now Id be happy with a 6/7 week scan to see the heartbeat and know that it is in the right place. Another irrational thought I keep having is that its going to be an ectopic pregnancy  Dont our minds play horrible tricks on us.

Although I called the midwife to get the balling rolling today I didnt actually get to speak to her. I left a message for her first thing this morning and she called me back after 4pm like I asked her to but I was driving home and missed the call. She is going to ring me again tomorrow. Hoping Ill feel a bit better once Ive spoken to her.

Jojo  Im so happy that your scan has gone well today and you have every right to be excited.



Andypanda6570 said:


> I am going today at 9 am to get 2 wisdom teeth pulled .I am a nervous wreck :wacko::wacko:

Andrea how did it go today? Im currently on a waiting list to have three of my wisdom teeth out under general anaesthetic. Fingers crossed that this bean sticks and Ill be putting that procedure on hold for the next 9 months.

Kelly its good to have you back hun. Sorry youve been feeling so poo though. I thought Id missed my important day when I was ill last month but I still got lucky so you never know hunget as much baby dancing in as you can between now and Thurs :winkwink:

Your story has given me goosebumpsfor a random stranger to have that sort of information for you makes me think it really is a message for you from Emma.I do believe in mediums and messages from spirits etc so personally I think it is too much to be a coincidence. Take comfort from it, it's Emma's way of letting you know that she's looking over you and sending your rainbow to you soon.

Nikki  sorry to hear youve been having such a tough time at work. I dont think I could face the public every day so I take my hat off to you. I suppose Im lucky that I can hide away at my desk in the corner of my office and wish the hours of the day to pass quicker so I can go home again.

This really does seem to be a lucky thread for :bfp:, I hope we get some more this month. Sending lots of :dust: to everyone currently ttc and for those currently in the 2ww I hope you dont become crazy poas-aholics too soon :haha:


----------



## Andypanda6570

MummyStobe said:


> collie_crazy said:
> 
> 
> I'm wishing away the next 6 weeks so I can have my 12 week scan and relax a little. Or at least I hope I will relax a little by then!
> 
> Right now Id be happy with a 6/7 week scan to see the heartbeat and know that it is in the right place. Another irrational thought I keep having is that its going to be an ectopic pregnancy  Dont our minds play horrible tricks on us.
> 
> Although I called the midwife to get the balling rolling today I didnt actually get to speak to her. I left a message for her first thing this morning and she called me back after 4pm like I asked her to but I was driving home and missed the call. She is going to ring me again tomorrow. Hoping Ill feel a bit better once Ive spoken to her.
> 
> Jojo  Im so happy that your scan has gone well today and you have every right to be excited.
> 
> 
> 
> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> I am going today at 9 am to get 2 wisdom teeth pulled .I am a nervous wreck :wacko::wacko:Click to expand...
> 
> Andrea how did it go today? Im currently on a waiting list to have three of my wisdom teeth out under general anaesthetic. Fingers crossed that this bean sticks and Ill be putting that procedure on hold for the next 9 months.
> 
> Kelly its good to have you back hun. Sorry youve been feeling so poo though. I thought Id missed my important day when I was ill last month but I still got lucky so you never know hunget as much baby dancing in as you can between now and Thurs :winkwink:
> 
> Your story has given me goosebumpsfor a random stranger to have that sort of information for you makes me think it really is a message for you from Emma.I do believe in mediums and messages from spirits etc so personally I think it is too much to be a coincidence. Take comfort from it, it's Emma's way of letting you know that she's looking over you and sending your rainbow to you soon.
> 
> Nikki  sorry to hear youve been having such a tough time at work. I dont think I could face the public every day so I take my hat off to you. I suppose Im lucky that I can hide away at my desk in the corner of my office and wish the hours of the day to pass quicker so I can go home again.
> 
> This really does seem to be a lucky thread for :bfp:, I hope we get some more this month. Sending lots of :dust: to everyone currently ttc and for those currently in the 2ww I hope you dont become crazy poas-aholics too soon :haha:Click to expand...

It was fine I am in a little pain but lord the pain killers make me reallyyyyyyy happy ...:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
Love You All ..XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh glad it was Ok Andrea.

Hayley, I'm sorry you are getting these awful thoughts, I hope once you've seen/spoken to the MW you will feel a little better, then I hope every scan helps you a little.

Kelly, wow, that's amazing, no argueing with that! I've been so wanting to see a medium for ages, since the boys died and I saw that one who wasn't that great I don't think and thought I was pregnant when I wasn't but I'd so love to get some kind of message or reassurance like that. I hope you are feeling better as well and you get some BD-ing in, like Hayley said it's still do-able! 

xxx


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## KamIAm

Thanks Hayley and Nikki for the encouragement... I was seriously fixing to start sulking LOL!! :wacko: So much is going on in this house this week, it would be a miracle if more baby dancing is done ... OH had a tooth cut out this morning and then he will be having a root canal done Wednesday morning, so I'm calculating giving him tonight off, then pounce tomorrow before he has his other junk done, then my DD has to have 4 baby teeth cut out Thursday morning, yes, we are just loving this dental bill this week... Ha! Wanted to get it all done at once and before Thanksgiving so they can enjoy all the eating...

I am feeling all emotional and crap today.... I went and visited Emma today and even the leaves that are falling from the trees, onto her lil patch bothered me today... Good Grief... Guess it's just that time of the month and I'm being sensitive... :shrug: Just missing Em' today....

I can't believe all the Rainbows we have growing in our group.... You know how happy that makes me.... I can't even begin to express.... Hearing you all, helps me tremendously, reminds me there's hope ... that there truly is a rainbow possible in the end... :hugs:

Andrea, how is your mouth feeling?? Taking your "happy pills?" ... Good! Keep taking them, and feeling OK ... :hugs:

Helen, your in my thoughts and prayers tonight... I'm wrapping my arms around you right now.... Xoxo :hugs:

Tanya, you doing ok babe?? Think about you a lot! :flower:

Well, I'm off again to make some dinner... Gonna have to get pretty creative with the menu, since OH can't eat much, poor guy... LOL :winkwink:

Sweet Dreams and I'll be checking in with you girls tomorrow :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Thanks Hayley and Nikki for the encouragement... I was seriously fixing to start sulking LOL!! :wacko: So much is going on in this house this week, it would be a miracle if more baby dancing is done ... OH had a tooth cut out this morning and then he will be having a root canal done Wednesday morning, so I'm calculating giving him tonight off, then pounce tomorrow before he has his other junk done, then my DD has to have 4 baby teeth cut out Thursday morning, yes, we are just loving this dental bill this week... Ha! Wanted to get it all done at once and before Thanksgiving so they can enjoy all the eating...
> 
> I am feeling all emotional and crap today.... I went and visited Emma today and even the leaves that are falling from the trees, onto her lil patch bothered me today... Good Grief... Guess it's just that time of the month and I'm being sensitive... :shrug: Just missing Em' today....
> 
> I can't believe all the Rainbows we have growing in our group.... You know how happy that makes me.... I can't even begin to express.... Hearing you all, helps me tremendously, reminds me there's hope ... that there truly is a rainbow possible in the end... :hugs:
> 
> Andrea, how is your mouth feeling?? Taking your "happy pills?" ... Good! Keep taking them, and feeling OK ... :hugs:
> 
> Helen, your in my thoughts and prayers tonight... I'm wrapping my arms around you right now.... Xoxo :hugs:
> 
> Tanya, you doing ok babe?? Think about you a lot! :flower:
> 
> Well, I'm off again to make some dinner... Gonna have to get pretty creative with the menu, since OH can't eat much, poor guy... LOL :winkwink:
> 
> Sweet Dreams and I'll be checking in with you girls tomorrow :hugs:

I am feeling ok and very very happy :happydance::happydance::happydance:
I got my AF 4 days early this month, not sure why. I went and visited Ava also I brought her a little angel for her little place.
Hope your feeling better now and I miss you when you are not here for awhile (But I know we are all busy ) . I am also so happy that our group is growing and we are getting so many :bfp::bfp: It makes me soooooo happy and gives me so much hope.
I love you all..XOXOXOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Woop-woop Andrea, that makes you 4 days earlier to start the action! Good luck this month, hon. It makes me so happy to see so many of our wee gang baking their rainbows, too. 

Millions of :dust: to all those still waiting fot their BFP's - here's hoping this is our month...


----------



## yazoo

Good Morning all, 

Hey Kelly hun, I'm doing good. Still waiting on my Conceive Plus to arrive. Please please arrive today. I'm on CD8 today and I know I didn't Ov this early last month but I really want it to arrive soon so we can try it out. :winkwink: 
I hope you can get as much :sex: in this week despite whats goin on. Sneak in a few wee quickies. :winkwink: That story about your brother is amazing. I definitely do believe in stuff like that. There's too much detail for it to be a coincidence. I'm sorry you had a crap day yesterday. Massive hugs darlin. :hugs:

Kiki I just had a look at your chart again. Your temp didn't go below the coverline though. I'm just new to charting but I think thats a good sign right? Any sign of AF? 

Aww Nikki sorry you had such a hard time at work. That was awful what they done with the poor wee birds. :nope:

Hayley when will you first scan be?? Hope your ok. xx

Woohoo Andrea almost time for rompy romp then. :winkwink: I bet Ava loves her little angel. 

Here's to more :bfp: in December and lots and lots of :dust: to all of us still trying. 

I hope them little rainbows are doing good. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Mr. Postie has just delivered my Conceive Plus. Woohooo.


----------



## collie_crazy

Jeez-o girls you have all said so much that now my reply is gonna be huge so I can reply to you all :haha:

*Kelly*!!! I was getting worried about you girl :hugs: Dont go disappearing on us again m'kay! 
Oh that is spooky about the medium guy - I mean he could have said that to anyone that night and it probably wouldn't have meant anything to them but he has said it to YOUR brother about YOUR Emma. I do believe there are people in this world who are able to see or understand more than your average person. Don't they say we only use about 5% of our brains actual power - maybe these people just know how to use a larger percentage? I would take it as a sign :hugs: A while after my gran died (I was only 12 at the time) I was in town with a few friends and this lady grabbed my arm and said 'She loves the yellow roses you know' smiled and then just walked on. I tell you I almost fainted right there and then on the spot. Since my gran had died I had been taking a single yellow rose to 'our spot' in the park each Sunday and leaving it there for her. No one in my family or friends knew I was doing this so how did this random old woman? Freaky stuff! 
PS I laughed so hard at the 'keep your fannies here were you all belong' and thought thats quite rude coming from you when you are normally so 'well spoken' :rofl: Until I realised that in the US fannies has a different meaning to the UK. Hmm but I suppose where you US fanny goes your UK one goes too!

*Natalie *I'm sorry you've been having bad dreams :hugs: But remember a lot of people have BFP dreams just before the actual :bfp: I did the cycle I conceived it was almost as though my body knew it was pregnant before the test! 

*Kiki *remember - its not over until :witch: shows her face! 

*Nikki *that is terrible about those little baby birds :cry: I'm sorry you had a bad night in work - I had a bad day yesterday in work too I have told my manager and another close colleague because I was starting to get sick and I thought they could help cover for me. Well turns out other people have already been asking questions and it got back to me yesterday - I burst into tears in the middle of an office full of about 30 people and ran off to a side room. I ended up in their for half an hour blubbing away with my manager and colleague trying to console me. I just feel that if other people know then it has to be real, and if I admit its real then something 'real' can go wrong :cry: Crazy isn't it? But that seems to be how my brain is dealing wih it right now. 
I totally get what you mean about the fuzzy brain though. I just keep thinking, even now 3 months on, that everything else is so insignificant now and its hard to focus on anything. I work for the police, I take all the calls from the public - emergencies, advice etc and sometimes I'm listening to someones 'woes' about children playing football, or their son who is out of control, or a driver who gestured at them and I find myself wanting to scream WHO CARES. Probably not such a good attitude but I find it hard to focus on what they're actually saying or what I should be doing!

*Andrea * hope your mouth is ok today and the pills are still doing their job! It will soon be time to get down to rainbow making business :happydance:

*Hayley *I am getting a scan around 6/7 weeks and I know I will be pleased to see the heartbeat and things but I know I wont even think about relaxing until 12 weeks as that is when things started to go wrong for us with Emily. Or at least its when we knew things were going wrong. I am having the whole ectopic thoughts thing too! I dont think its irrational really - we are bound to worry constantly. 

*Tanya *I hope the conceive plus does its job for you this month! :headspin:

Erica how are you doing? :hugs: And Mhairi where are you? :hugs:

I am so happy that so many of us have our little rainbows growing big and strong *but* I will not be happy until every single one of us has our little rainbows in our arms! I wish we all lived closer so we could meet up with them and have a big group photo! Heck I might have to photoshop one together instead :rofl:


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Good Morning all,
> 
> Hey Kelly hun, I'm doing good. Still waiting on my Conceive Plus to arrive. Please please arrive today. I'm on CD8 today and I know I didn't Ov this early last month but I really want it to arrive soon so we can try it out. :winkwink:
> I hope you can get as much :sex: in this week despite whats goin on. Sneak in a few wee quickies. :winkwink: That story about your brother is amazing. I definitely do believe in stuff like that. There's too much detail for it to be a coincidence. I'm sorry you had a crap day yesterday. Massive hugs darlin. :hugs:
> 
> Kiki I just had a look at your chart again. Your temp didn't go below the coverline though. I'm just new to charting but I think thats a good sign right? Any sign of AF?
> 
> Aww Nikki sorry you had such a hard time at work. That was awful what they done with the poor wee birds. :nope:
> 
> Hayley when will you first scan be?? Hope your ok. xx
> 
> Woohoo Andrea almost time for rompy romp then. :winkwink: I bet Ava loves her little angel.
> 
> Here's to more :bfp: in December and lots and lots of :dust: to all of us still trying.
> 
> I hope them little rainbows are doing good. :hugs::hugs:

I hoped she loved her little rainbow also... XOXOO Thinking of you sending a lot of love and BFP...XOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:




collie_crazy said:


> Jeez-o girls you have all said so much that now my reply is gonna be huge so I can reply to you all :haha:
> 
> *Kelly*!!! I was getting worried about you girl :hugs: Dont go disappearing on us again m'kay!
> Oh that is spooky about the medium guy - I mean he could have said that to anyone that night and it probably wouldn't have meant anything to them but he has said it to YOUR brother about YOUR Emma. I do believe there are people in this world who are able to see or understand more than your average person. Don't they say we only use about 5% of our brains actual power - maybe these people just know how to use a larger percentage? I would take it as a sign :hugs: A while after my gran died (I was only 12 at the time) I was in town with a few friends and this lady grabbed my arm and said 'She loves the yellow roses you know' smiled and then just walked on. I tell you I almost fainted right there and then on the spot. Since my gran had died I had been taking a single yellow rose to 'our spot' in the park each Sunday and leaving it there for her. No one in my family or friends knew I was doing this so how did this random old woman? Freaky stuff!
> PS I laughed so hard at the 'keep your fannies here were you all belong' and thought thats quite rude coming from you when you are normally so 'well spoken' :rofl: Until I realised that in the US fannies has a different meaning to the UK. Hmm but I suppose where you US fanny goes your UK one goes too!
> 
> *Natalie *I'm sorry you've been having bad dreams :hugs: But remember a lot of people have BFP dreams just before the actual :bfp: I did the cycle I conceived it was almost as though my body knew it was pregnant before the test!
> 
> *Kiki *remember - its not over until :witch: shows her face!
> 
> *Nikki *that is terrible about those little baby birds :cry: I'm sorry you had a bad night in work - I had a bad day yesterday in work too I have told my manager and another close colleague because I was starting to get sick and I thought they could help cover for me. Well turns out other people have already been asking questions and it got back to me yesterday - I burst into tears in the middle of an office full of about 30 people and ran off to a side room. I ended up in their for half an hour blubbing away with my manager and colleague trying to console me. I just feel that if other people know then it has to be real, and if I admit its real then something 'real' can go wrong :cry: Crazy isn't it? But that seems to be how my brain is dealing wih it right now.
> I totally get what you mean about the fuzzy brain though. I just keep thinking, even now 3 months on, that everything else is so insignificant now and its hard to focus on anything. I work for the police, I take all the calls from the public - emergencies, advice etc and sometimes I'm listening to someones 'woes' about children playing football, or their son who is out of control, or a driver who gestured at them and I find myself wanting to scream WHO CARES. Probably not such a good attitude but I find it hard to focus on what they're actually saying or what I should be doing!
> 
> *Andrea * hope your mouth is ok today and the pills are still doing their job! It will soon be time to get down to rainbow making business :happydance:
> 
> *Hayley *I am getting a scan around 6/7 weeks and I know I will be pleased to see the heartbeat and things but I know I wont even think about relaxing until 12 weeks as that is when things started to go wrong for us with Emily. Or at least its when we knew things were going wrong. I am having the whole ectopic thoughts thing too! I dont think its irrational really - we are bound to worry constantly.
> 
> *Tanya *I hope the conceive plus does its job for you this month! :headspin:
> 
> Erica how are you doing? :hugs: And Mhairi where are you? :hugs:
> 
> I am so happy that so many of us have our little rainbows growing big and strong *but* I will not be happy until every single one of us has our little rainbows in our arms! I wish we all lived closer so we could meet up with them and have a big group photo! Heck I might have to photoshop one together instead :rofl:

Thanks SO much , Amanda.How are you feeling my dear friend?
Sending love and more love XOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Hello everyone! I've been so busy with trying to sort out all my dads stuff, I haven't been on here much! Posting from my phone so it's hard to comment to everyone so I will just say hugs to you all, hope you are all ok.
Just thought I would let you know I had an early scan this morning, baby is measuring on target, has a heartbeat, and actually looked a little bit like a baby! Got a great photo! They were all lovely there, said it was okay if I was a bit neurotic, that they expected it! They explained what extra care I will get, which will start closer to 20weeks. Next scan: 19th December! So happy and relieved xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

mhazzab said:


> Hello everyone! I've been so busy with trying to sort out all my dads stuff, I haven't been on here much! Posting from my phone so it's hard to comment to everyone so I will just say hugs to you all, hope you are all ok.
> Just thought I would let you know I had an early scan this morning, baby is measuring on target, has a heartbeat, and actually looked a little bit like a baby! Got a great photo! They were all lovely there, said it was okay if I was a bit neurotic, that they expected it! They explained what extra care I will get, which will start closer to 20weeks. Next scan: 19th December! So happy and relieved xxx

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: You just made my day with your post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love positive scans :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Don't worry about being busy, you have been to hell and back and still manage to even get here and post to us.
Take your time and do what you need to and just know I am so happy for you I wish i could hug you, I really do. XOXOXOXO Sending so much love and hugs and kisses :happydance::happydance::happydance: SOSOSO excited I am, I guess you can tell :baby::baby::baby::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> Hello everyone! I've been so busy with trying to sort out all my dads stuff, I haven't been on here much! Posting from my phone so it's hard to comment to everyone so I will just say hugs to you all, hope you are all ok.
> Just thought I would let you know I had an early scan this morning, baby is measuring on target, has a heartbeat, and actually looked a little bit like a baby! Got a great photo! They were all lovely there, said it was okay if I was a bit neurotic, that they expected it! They explained what extra care I will get, which will start closer to 20weeks. Next scan: 19th December! So happy and relieved xxx
> 
> :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: You just made my day with your post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love positive scans :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Don't worry about being busy, you have been to hell and back and still manage to even get here and post to us.
> Take your time and do what you need to and just know I am so happy for you I wish i could hug you, I really do. XOXOXOXO Sending so much love and hugs and kisses :happydance::happydance::happydance: SOSOSO excited I am, I guess you can tell :baby::baby::baby::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

You are so sweet, thankyou xxxxxx


----------



## Imalia

AF got me again this month, so I've been hiding and feeling sorry for myself, panicking that I only have one cycle left before the holidays and I just know it's going to be another year when I don't have anything to celebrate. Congratulations to all you ladies who have gotten your BFP, I'm thrilled for you all, but also I hate you  (j/k)


----------



## KamIAm

mhazzab said:


> Hello everyone! I've been so busy with trying to sort out all my dads stuff, I haven't been on here much! Posting from my phone so it's hard to comment to everyone so I will just say hugs to you all, hope you are all ok.
> Just thought I would let you know I had an early scan this morning, baby is measuring on target, has a heartbeat, and actually looked a little bit like a baby! Got a great photo! They were all lovely there, said it was okay if I was a bit neurotic, that they expected it! They explained what extra care I will get, which will start closer to 20weeks. Next scan: 19th December! So happy and relieved xxx

Oooo! Goody Mhairi! :happydance:

Super excited you got to see your lil :baby: :happydance:

So glad to hear the great news.. Extra care coming your way! I know I'll be counting down the days right along with ya babe .. :hugs:

Hope your have been hanging in there... going through your dad's belongings can't be easy.... Sending loves and cuddles your way!:flower:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> Hello everyone! I've been so busy with trying to sort out all my dads stuff, I haven't been on here much! Posting from my phone so it's hard to comment to everyone so I will just say hugs to you all, hope you are all ok.
> Just thought I would let you know I had an early scan this morning, baby is measuring on target, has a heartbeat, and actually looked a little bit like a baby! Got a great photo! They were all lovely there, said it was okay if I was a bit neurotic, that they expected it! They explained what extra care I will get, which will start closer to 20weeks. Next scan: 19th December! So happy and relieved xxx
> 
> Oooo! Goody Mhairi! :happydance:
> 
> Super excited you got to see your lil :baby: :happydance:
> 
> So glad to hear the great news.. Extra care coming your way! I know I'll be counting down the days right along with ya babe .. :hugs:
> 
> Hope your have been hanging in there... going through your dad's belongings can't be easy.... Sending loves and cuddles your way!:flower:Click to expand...

thanks :hugs:

I've actually been keeping it together surprisingly well so far since dad died...which actually worries me a little if I am honest. I was in pieces over mums death, same with my girls...yet, my dad, I've hardly cried at all. I'm worried I am bottling it up or something, but I wonder if maybe I have just run out of tears and become a bit hardened to loss now? Like maybe I am trying to protect myself? It can't be a good thing anyway...plus, it makes me feel kind of guilty...


----------



## KamIAm

I am officially obsessing about WHEN and HOW to make room for some baby makin' time with my Honey :sex:... :haha: 

Wish I wasn't so icky sick! Poopy! I tried "makin' my move" last night but kept sneezing, coughing and having to stop to blow my nose... SO, needless to say... No "love juices" :spermy: last night ... :dohh: Hahahaha!!! :winkwink:

Time is dwindling!!! Ughhhh!!! :shipw: :rofl:

How is everyone doing today?? :friends:

I have classes :book: today, so I"ll be popping on and off checkin' in :toothpick:on y'all ... :flower:


----------



## KamIAm

mhazzab said:


> KamIAm said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> Hello everyone! I've been so busy with trying to sort out all my dads stuff, I haven't been on here much! Posting from my phone so it's hard to comment to everyone so I will just say hugs to you all, hope you are all ok.
> Just thought I would let you know I had an early scan this morning, baby is measuring on target, has a heartbeat, and actually looked a little bit like a baby! Got a great photo! They were all lovely there, said it was okay if I was a bit neurotic, that they expected it! They explained what extra care I will get, which will start closer to 20weeks. Next scan: 19th December! So happy and relieved xxx
> 
> Oooo! Goody Mhairi! :happydance:
> 
> Super excited you got to see your lil :baby: :happydance:
> 
> So glad to hear the great news.. Extra care coming your way! I know I'll be counting down the days right along with ya babe .. :hugs:
> 
> Hope your have been hanging in there... going through your dad's belongings can't be easy.... Sending loves and cuddles your way!:flower:Click to expand...
> 
> thanks :hugs:
> 
> I've actually been keeping it together surprisingly well so far since dad died...which actually worries me a little if I am honest. I was in pieces over mums death, same with my girls...yet, my dad, I've hardly cried at all. I'm worried I am bottling it up or something, but I wonder if maybe I have just run out of tears and become a bit hardened to loss now? Like maybe I am trying to protect myself? It can't be a good thing anyway...plus, it makes me feel kind of guilty...Click to expand...

Mhairi, Don't feel guilty.... :hugs: I truly think that with EVERYTHING you have been through, you might be in defence mode.. :shrug: I know I would be! Remember, there is no right or wrong way... Just do what YOU need OK .. :hugs: AND of course, let us know if there's anything we can do .. :flower:


----------



## mhazzab

Imalia said:


> AF got me again this month, so I've been hiding and feeling sorry for myself, panicking that I only have one cycle left before the holidays and I just know it's going to be another year when I don't have anything to celebrate. Congratulations to all you ladies who have gotten your BFP, I'm thrilled for you all, but also I hate you  (j/k)

oh I'm really sorry AF got you this month.

thanks for the congrats, and I totally understand when you say you are happy for us but also hate us...felt that way myself whenever I heard anyone else was pregnant after I lost my twins. I think its natural. I still feel the same now when I hear someone is pregnant with twins, it's like a punch to the gut because its something I had and lost and so badly would love to have again but have no control over whether it happens or not.

hugs xxx


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> I am officially obsessing about WHEN and HOW to make room for some baby makin' time with my Honey :sex:... :haha:
> 
> Wish I wasn't so icky sick! Poopy! I tried "makin' my move" last night but kept sneezing, coughing and having to stop to blow my nose... SO, needless to say... No "love juices" :spermy: last night ... :dohh: Hahahaha!!! :winkwink:
> 
> Time is dwindling!!! Ughhhh!!! :shipw: :rofl:
> 
> How is everyone doing today?? :friends:
> 
> I have classes :book: today, so I"ll be popping on and off checkin' in :toothpick:on y'all ... :flower:

but that sounds so romantic...how did you not manage to get your groove on with a snotty nose and constant coughing? lol!

hope you feel better soon and get some lurvemaking fitted in xxx


----------



## kiki04

Well I'm out.. AF got me last night :dohh:


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> Well I'm out.. AF got me last night :dohh:

oh rubbish! I'm sorry, kiki I was hoping this was it for you xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw Kiki, I'm so sorry. Imalia, I'm sorry too.

Phew, I got to bed and get up and there is all this chat to catch up with, being downunder has it's disadvantages! I'm loving that this thread is so lively though, love hearing from you all.

Amanda, I'm so sorry you had a crappy day at work, I think I understand you wanting it kept quiet, I think I'd be exactly the same. as for listening to gripes and groans all day I think it would be sooo hard not to tell them to shut up and get a life! I just can't stand petty crap anymore, it seems so insignificant. You poor thing.

Mhairi - Yay for good scan! I'm so glad it went well and you have understanding care. You are amazing to be able to find time at all to chat to us with all you are going through.

Kelly - I'm sorry you are still all icky sicky, pretty hard to be romantic like that, isn't it? Bleh. Hope it goes soon, maybe try some high-strength Vitamin C and Garlic to move it on quicker (but then you'll smell like a vampire-slayer into the bargain!) Otherwise just get him drunk so he doesn't notice and dose yourself up with paracetamol and lie back and think of England (or America, in your case)! (The fanny comment made me giggle too - I know it has a completely different meaning in the states but still elicited a snort).

Tanya, yay for the concieve plus, I really hope it does it's magic for you this month hon.

Nat - hope you're OK?

Hayley, Jojo, Erica - Hope you are all well and as happy as you can allow yourselves to be for now. As for the mad ectopic thoughts - I've been having these too and I'm not even pregnant yet, so don't worry, you're not as mental as me! I'm only about 2 or 3DPO and had myself convinced I either had an ectopic or PID yesterday as I was all sore. 

Andrea, hope you are getting some loving and making that rainbow! I hope your mouth isn't too sore sweety, or you are still popping your happy pills to keep it at bay!

Hope I've not missed anyone, I can't go back pages once I've started writing and I can't remember it all now, damn fuzzy brain...


xxx


----------



## yazoo

Mhairi- I'm so happy your scan went well. I bet it was so nice seeing little bubba's heartbeat. 

Imalia & Kiki I'm so sorry AF got you. You can join the rest of us in our Dec BFP club-fingers X'd. 

Kelly- sorry your feeling so crap. I like Nikki's idea. Dose yourself up with drugs and go for it. And the fanny comment made me lol too. I know it has a completely different meaning but it sounded funny. 

Ok so I have an appointment in the hospital on Thursday. I had to ring today to make sure all test results were back (blood & placenta). The nurse called me back to say they had them all back apart from one but it should be back by thursday. She said that the consultant wanted to do another blood test on me and for me to come before my appt time so I can go first before the clinic fills up. Why would she say that unless there was an issue? She said I have been waiting too long for the results but still. I am scared out of my wits. She didn't know what the blood test was for and just said the consultant will explain all on thursday. I am thinking the worst and honestly feel sick at the thoughts of it. Thursday cannot come quick enough. Another day of worrying. :nope:


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Mhairi- I'm so happy your scan went well. I bet it was so nice seeing little bubba's heartbeat.
> 
> Imalia & Kiki I'm so sorry AF got you. You can join the rest of us in our Dec BFP club-fingers X'd.
> 
> Kelly- sorry your feeling so crap. I like Nikki's idea. Dose yourself up with drugs and go for it. And the fanny comment made me lol too. I know it has a completely different meaning but it sounded funny.
> 
> Ok so I have an appointment in the hospital on Thursday. I had to ring today to make sure all test results were back (blood & placenta). The nurse called me back to say they had them all back apart from one but it should be back by thursday. She said that the consultant wanted to do another blood test on me and for me to come before my appt time so I can go first before the clinic fills up. Why would she say that unless there was an issue? She said I have been waiting too long for the results but still. I am scared out of my wits. She didn't know what the blood test was for and just said the consultant will explain all on thursday. I am thinking the worst and honestly feel sick at the thoughts of it. Thursday cannot come quick enough. Another day of worrying. :nope:

just heading to bed, but just wanted to say...
I was given an extra blood test weeks after the first ones, for sticky blood (sounds weird!) apparently the test isn't effective soon after birth and has to be done a wee bit after, hope this helps xxx


----------



## yazoo

Oh thanks Mhairi. I hope it is something as simple as that and I am worrying myself needlessly. Nite nite love. :flower:


----------



## ericacaca

yazoo said:


> Mhairi- I'm so happy your scan went well. I bet it was so nice seeing little bubba's heartbeat.
> 
> Imalia & Kiki I'm so sorry AF got you. You can join the rest of us in our Dec BFP club-fingers X'd.
> 
> Kelly- sorry your feeling so crap. I like Nikki's idea. Dose yourself up with drugs and go for it. And the fanny comment made me lol too. I know it has a completely different meaning but it sounded funny.
> 
> Ok so I have an appointment in the hospital on Thursday. I had to ring today to make sure all test results were back (blood & placenta). The nurse called me back to say they had them all back apart from one but it should be back by thursday. She said that the consultant wanted to do another blood test on me and for me to come before my appt time so I can go first before the clinic fills up. Why would she say that unless there was an issue? She said I have been waiting too long for the results but still. I am scared out of my wits. She didn't know what the blood test was for and just said the consultant will explain all on thursday. I am thinking the worst and honestly feel sick at the thoughts of it. Thursday cannot come quick enough. Another day of worrying. :nope:

Aw honey, I'm sure everything is fine. Just keep thinking positively :hugs: Maybe there was a test they missed off their list or something. I remember my bloods came back once and there were like loads of white cells which really wasnt right, I know I wasn't feeling too well the week before but it was crazy - so I was called in to do a re-test. 

To the ladies who have been visited by AF. I'm really sorry. All I can say really about that. Praying for a successful month for you this cycle. Just keep at it! 

Kam - I remember trying to fit in time to make babies with my hubby! And trying to do it when recovering from a slipped disc was sometimes not the greatest idea in the world! :dohh: Hoping you get lots of space and time to :sex: 

I have been so so so so sick! Its always after brushing my teeth! And the great idea I had of not eating anything before I brushed in the morning has backfired twice now.... yuk! 

One of my heads (I work across two schools) was asking how I was today as she noticed I was a little under the weather at the start of the week. And I told her that I was 10 weeks pregnant.... I can't believe I told her! But its done now. She was genuinely excited. I did explain to her that I didnt want it to be official workwise until January when we hit the 18 week mark, just to be on the safe side and she completely understood. Its probably for the best that my bosses know anyway now just so I'm looked after a bit more at work - so now they can understand why I'm avoiding the ball courts when on playground duty! haha! Plus if the worst happened at least they'll know why I'm taking the time off. 

I realised in the car today that we lost Baby on the 7th March and my cycle with this baby started on the 7th September. 6 months exactly. So I had a little cry earlier on. But shhhhhhhhh... thats our little secret. 

Hope you lovely ladies are all ok - sorry again for missing people out of this message. I will be in touch :hugs:

Erica xxx


----------



## yazoo

Hi Erica, oh I'm not pregnant. This is another follow up appt. I had a follow up appt 9 weeks after my son was born but the results of the placenta were not back and I got blood taken then also to check for blood clotting disorders, antibodies, autoimmune something or other and I don't know what else. This is another follow up to discuss them results and hopefully the placenta results if they are back. Its been 13 weeks now, they really should be. I am just concerned that I have a blood clotting disorder or something wrong that will effect future pregnancies. I also have this irrational thought that she will say we can't have anymore babies because of .... but I know I am being irrational and thinking the worst. 

I'm sorry you have been sick but as everyone says its a good sign. I think its better that you tell your boss also. They might lessen the workload and will understand if you are sick etc. Its normal to have a little cry hun- we won't say anything though. :winkwink:


----------



## MummyStobe

Hi everyone, really quick drop in from me today as my pillow is calling.

Wanted to send big :hugs: to everyone and let you all know I'm thinking about you all.

Also wanted to quickly share my irrational fears of the day... ...blighted ovums and chemical pregnancy.... ....I really must stay away from Google!!!

Spoken to the Screening Midwife today, she's told me to see my GP and get an appointment with the Community Midwife and that she'll arrange an early scan for me at 7 weeks and that once I'm booked in that'll trigger my referral to the consultant. Popped into GP surgery on my way home and have managed to get an appointment with one of the nicer doctors on Thurs morn but all the midwife appointments have gone for this week. :growlmad: Going to ring her direct in the morning and see if I can skip the first appointment, which has always been a waste of time in the past as it is an appointment to make an appointment (if that makes sense) and see if I can just make an appointment with her for booking in.

It is beginning to feel real now I'm starting to get the ball rolling. We still haven't told anyone yet, not even our parents, I quite like it being our little secret.

I'll reply to everyone properly next time I'm about.

Love to you all xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Imalia said:


> AF got me again this month, so I've been hiding and feeling sorry for myself, panicking that I only have one cycle left before the holidays and I just know it's going to be another year when I don't have anything to celebrate. Congratulations to all you ladies who have gotten your BFP, I'm thrilled for you all, but also I hate you  (j/k)

LOL.. Sorry the witch caught you this month ..Don't worry i feel your BFP is coming,,XOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:




kiki04 said:


> Well I'm out.. AF got me last night :dohh:

Don't worry yours mine kellys and all of us are going to be ok and get out BFP soon,, I know it..
All My Love XOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Absolutely! I see these BFP's starting to roll in and I know we will all get our rainbows together! I have never had a group I was so excited to be pg with before :hugs: I am just as excited for all of yours as I am mine, and I truely mean that :flower: This has to be the BEST TTC group in all of the internet, even though we were brought together under the most unfortunate circumstances :hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Thank you! I couldnt agree more and would like to congratulate all of us on this :wine:. Maybe one day we all get to meet and create one giant rainbow
:dust: with our little miracles! I was always afraid of public speaking, but you guys are like a family now. I wake up in the morning and i come here to check on you guys. Then at night i am eager to log in again, just to see one more BFP or inspiring story. You are truely the BEST!:happydance::happydance:


----------



## Nikki_d72

dnlfinker said:


> Thank you! I couldnt agree more and would like to congratulate all of us on this :wine:. Maybe one day we all get to meet and create one giant rainbow
> :dust: with our little miracles! I was always afraid of public speaking, but you guys are like a family now. I wake up in the morning and i come here to check on you guys. Then at night i am eager to log in again, just to see one more BFP or inspiring story. You are truely the BEST!:happydance::happydance:

Hear, here!:flower:


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Absolutely! I see these BFP's starting to roll in and I know we will all get our rainbows together! I have never had a group I was so excited to be pg with before :hugs: I am just as excited for all of yours as I am mine, and I truely mean that :flower: This has to be the BEST TTC group in all of the internet, even though we were brought together under the most unfortunate circumstances :hugs:

 I totally agree and I love love you and all of you..XOXOOOX





dnlfinker said:


> Thank you! I couldnt agree more and would like to congratulate all of us on this :wine:. Maybe one day we all get to meet and create one giant rainbow
> :dust: with our little miracles! I was always afraid of public speaking, but you guys are like a family now. I wake up in the morning and i come here to check on you guys. Then at night i am eager to log in again, just to see one more BFP or inspiring story. You are truely the BEST!:happydance::happydance:

Nat,
You are the best and remember we only live a couple of miles apart and if you ever want to meet or just to talk or go to lunch I am here. And make sure you call me again I love talking to my new buddy...XOXOXOXO


----------



## collie_crazy

Mhairi YAYAYAYAY for the good scan :happydance: I am still waiting for my appointment to come through! If I've not heard by Monday I am going to phone them because she said she would scan at 6 weeks and I am 5+4 now so getting impatient LOL. 

I think you are probably so overwhelmed with everything - your girls, this pregnancy, your dad that your body is trying to protect itself. I wouldnt be surprised if it all hits you in a few weeks once your mind has processed it all. But that doesnt mean you aren't missing him or love him any less :hugs: I dont think you should feel guilty :hugs:

Sorry AF got you Imalia and Kiki :hugs: Onwards and upwards to next cycle :thumbup:

Sorry your still feeling sick Kelly :( Maybe put a peg on your nose next time to stop the sneezes LOL! 

Tanya I'm sure it will be nothing. Maybe one of the tests didnt come back or the lab messed up or something? :hugs:

PS this really is the best TTC group - you girls have just had me in tears! :hugs: Love you all so much :hugs:

Well I am doing OK - just needing to pee constantly! Was up twice during the night last night. Not really feeling sick yet but I am sure that will come. Still fretting over everything :shrug:


----------



## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Mhairi YAYAYAYAY for the good scan :happydance: I am still waiting for my appointment to come through! If I've not heard by Monday I am going to phone them because she said she would scan at 6 weeks and I am 5+4 now so getting impatient LOL.
> 
> I think you are probably so overwhelmed with everything - your girls, this pregnancy, your dad that your body is trying to protect itself. I wouldnt be surprised if it all hits you in a few weeks once your mind has processed it all. But that doesnt mean you aren't missing him or love him any less :hugs: I dont think you should feel guilty :hugs:
> 
> Sorry AF got you Imalia and Kiki :hugs: Onwards and upwards to next cycle :thumbup:
> 
> Sorry your still feeling sick Kelly :( Maybe put a peg on your nose next time to stop the sneezes LOL!
> 
> Tanya I'm sure it will be nothing. Maybe one of the tests didnt come back or the lab messed up or something? :hugs:
> 
> PS this really is the best TTC group - you girls have just had me in tears! :hugs: Love you all so much :hugs:
> 
> Well I am doing OK - just needing to pee constantly! Was up twice during the night last night. Not really feeling sick yet but I am sure that will come. Still fretting over everything :shrug:


I peed constantly when I was pregnant I mean like every 1/2 hour :winkwink: 
Thinking of you and sending SOoooooo much love..XOXOoooXOXOX:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


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## KamIAm

Good Morning Ladies!! :coffee: (HA! I don't even drink coffee or tea!) haha.. This would need a glass of ice with a nice cold pepsi :winkwink::haha:

It's 8:30 in the morning, just sent my kiddo's off to school and OH off to work so I waved them off and RAN to my computer to check in with everyone!!! :winkwink:

I completely agree! This is THE BEST ttc forum I've ever visited!! I haven't even encountered such an amazing group of wonderful women, ever! Thank you for always being my friend and listening to my odd ramblings :wacko: :winkwink:

Glad to hear all is well in our lil world... All our rainbows are growing beautifully:kiss:

AFM... I got to sneek another "love juice" :spermy::sex: meeting in last night... Poor OH thought I lost my ever-loving mind Hahaha! I only had to stop once to blow my nose! Woot Woot!!:happydance: He even said at one point, "we don't have to do this honey if you don't feel up to it.".... HA! I asked him "Are you crazy?!?" ... Haha .. We made it though and I really got some strange looks from him when I just laid there with my legs up in there air!! :blush: HAhahaha Told him "I GOTTA KEEP IT ALL IN!!!" :rofl::rofl::rofl: I didn't do that but a second but I really did just lay there for like 30 minutes afterwards, praying and hoping, and visualizing the lil men traveling onward! Haha, Usually afterwards, I'm up immediately headed to the shower ... haha:haha: Yes, I'm officially going crazy! :winkwink::winkwink:

:dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:

I am really hoping I do better during that 2WW... Think maybe I will since it's right about Thanksgiving here and I'll be super busy with family... Lord, I hope! :dohh: (probably not, since I'm already counting down to testing mornings!) LOL!:dohh:

FX'd for all us Rainbow Chasers ... and also to all our Rainbow Bakers' .. :hugs:


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## jojo23

hope everyone is well ladies, thinking of you all every day xxxxxxxxx


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## ericacaca

yazoo said:


> Hi Erica, oh I'm not pregnant. This is another follow up appt. I had a follow up appt 9 weeks after my son was born but the results of the placenta were not back and I got blood taken then also to check for blood clotting disorders, antibodies, autoimmune something or other and I don't know what else. This is another follow up to discuss them results and hopefully the placenta results if they are back. Its been 13 weeks now, they really should be. I am just concerned that I have a blood clotting disorder or something wrong that will effect future pregnancies. I also have this irrational thought that she will say we can't have anymore babies because of .... but I know I am being irrational and thinking the worst.
> 
> I'm sorry you have been sick but as everyone says its a good sign. I think its better that you tell your boss also. They might lessen the workload and will understand if you are sick etc. Its normal to have a little cry hun- we won't say anything though. :winkwink:

Really sorry, I realised that after I posted - so then edited! :doh: I'm so dense sometimes! 

My other head found out today. He was delighted too. Probably the benefit of working in a Catholic school when babies are fairly predictably on the cards if you're a newly wed couple! And yeah, now I get a risk assessment done and things will be in place to make things a little bit easier for me! Which is really nice. I love my job so much though that I'm trying to do all the ante-natal stuff when I'm free or after school time. 

Any test is there to ensure that you are as safe as possible next time and now. It could be that baby had a condition that they're trying to confirm. It could just be that the labs are just ridiculously slow at getting results back! I was only told last week that I had a post-partum hemorhage when Baby was delivered. I had no idea - hubby and midwives were so calm about it. It wasnt good at all. So I'm on the consultants list about that and then there is the chance that I might have to have a c section to avoid it happen again. 

And thanks for not telling anyone! Although - I got teary with hubby last night with how nervous I'm feeling about all of this. I REALLY want this one to stick! 

xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Good to hear from you all this morning - Kelly, I do exactly the same, soon as Dd is off to school I'm here! I think you are all fab ladies and I am so glad I met you, even though the circumstances are so bad. It's just a shame that by the time I get here most of you are snoring coz it's night time for you!

Erica - I was told at delivery so early there is a much increased chance of PPH, they gave me the syntromin injection even after the placenta passed and I asked why as I didn't see the point (it's usually used to ensure fast delivery of the placenta). The Ob told me the risks of heavy bleeding at an early gestation are much much higher with such an early delivery. So you may not need to have a section to avoid it if you don't want one. That's why I can't believe that originally the hospital were just going to leave me here to miscarry (4hrs from main hospital) with a risk like that involved. Until it was discovered it was twins they weren't going to do anything at all - it was the radiologist who arranged transfer for us. Can you remember if you got an injection in your thigh just after delivery? If you didn't then that may be your reason. It will be in your notes, you can ask if you had a managed third stage or not when you see your specialist.

AFM: Not much to report, except I'm turning into a mad symptom-spotter already, I'm only about 5DPO. I had a strange hot flush in my face yesterday afternoon, but only on one side of my face, it was sooo strange. I could touch one half and it was roasting, and the other side cold (it was not a hot day and the house was quite cold). The rest of me was cold. It happened all of a sudden and took quite a while to go away. Other than that I feel achy and bloated but that's nothing too new the week or so before AF. I have a stuffy nose too but not sneezing (sneezes seem to be an indicator of progesterone rise in me - I get it every month around O time and always when I'm preggers). It's gonna be a looong 10days!! I said I wouldn't do this again as well, it's impossible to avoid the madness.

Hope you are all well! xxx


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## collie_crazy

:happydance: for baby making Kelly! Dont worry we will be here to help you through the crazy TWW and will symptom spot along with you! 

After last month of having a good few BFPs we need to do even better this month :headspin: I just know there will be more rainbows arriving soon :thumbup:

Nikki I got the stuffy / itchy nose thing in my TWW too! Not sure which DPO it started at right enough I still get it occasionally now too. Its annoying when it wakes me up in the morning and I want to claw my nose off my face :haha:

Well I got my scan letter through. Its been booked for the 29th Nov. Which I am quite unhappy about. The consultant told me that it would be at 6 weeks but I will be 7+3 by that point. I'm trying to look at the positive side of things that we will be more likely to see the heartbeat etc by then but really all I'm thinking is its 10 more days to wait :dohh:

Oh and I won a christmas competition that Carlymarie was running (the lady from Western Australia that does the name in the sand pics) and I just got my photo through earlier today :happydance:

 its my avatar now :kiss:


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## KamIAm

Ooo! Amanda, I sooo love your new picture!! I'd love to have one made for Emma.. super cool!

Full steam ahead... Choo choo! Symptom spotting with Nikki and then with the rest of us shortly after!! :happydance:

I am feeling a lil better tonight, trying not to run me away from here, it was my fault... So, I knew what I was getting into, the risks of sharing, announcing soooo oh well.... I love you girls! :winkwink:


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## mhazzab

Amanda, sorry you are having to wait a bit longer for the scan but it will be so worth it. Mine was at 7+4,the view was amazing, it looked like a little baby and had a lovely beating heart :) well, once they went internally, apparently the toast I ate for breakfast was blocking a good belly scan ;)

AND, I think you have just helped me find my Xmas decorations I was after! The sand trees would be lovely framed and by my fireplace! Thanks for sharing :))) xxx


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## jojo23

hey girls how you all doing??? just said id drop in and update... im feeling absolutely rotten which is a good sign lol... when i was pregnant with Lily i never had morning sickness etc. this little one has me soooo sick. my boobs feel like they are gonna explode and i cannot keep my eyes open and im so greatful lol never thought i would be happy bout feeling sick :)

i got my 12 week scan date but they have it wrong they gave me a date for next week which will only make me 10 weeks so have to phone today, i dont wanna be brought in and then not see them again until 20 weeks!! im not sure if they will scan m at 16 weeks or not!

had a little freak out last night...after myself and oh did the deed i lay down on the bed and relaxed for a few minutes and then decided id get up off my bum for a shower and when i was taking off my underwear i noticed ALOT of fluid in my underwear so i panicked and wasnt sure if it was from OH or me or what but there was nothing in my fresh underwear this morning just the normal amount! im cracking up over the little things now i think im drivin myself mad lol! know i can share with you girls! xxx


hope everyone is good and im hoping everyday for plenty of december bfps.... come on girls you can do it! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Hellylou

Just thought I'd pop in to this thread to say good luck for this month to all you TTC ladies and keep up the good work to those cooking a little rainbow! You're all so strong, I am in awe :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Hey thanks, Helen. I know it must be so difficult for you just now, I really appreciate you saying that hon. 

Jojo, thanks for the update, good to hear from you. sorry you had a freakout but I understand. I don't think I'll even be able to be brave enough to DTD when I'm pregnant, if i get there - that's how nuts I am!

Kelly, glad you are feeling a little better hon, here's to the madness again...

Amanda, that picture is just brilliant - it's such a good idea that lady doing these, I love all the name in the sand pics, she's such a lovely writer! If I was to do that it would come out as an illegible scrawl, lol! Love it!

AFM: well I'm even more mental than last month - I was at work tonight and was staaarving! I'm a vegetarian and even the steak was smelling soo good. Eventually I asked for some garlic bread and had a little of that and a coffee and have felt so sick ever since! It may just be the combination, I'm not sure but bleh! I'm sure last time my sense of smell was strong but it put me off most things, this seems to be the opposite - everything smells yummy. I'm probably just a greedy sod lol. I was a bit dizzy too. Let the craziness begin... it's midnight here so I better hit the hay, will check on all you lovelies again tommorrow. xxx


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## Andypanda6570

JoJo..Glad your doing ok and I am actually glad you feel like shit :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha: Good sign love XOOXO Always in my thoughts and prayers girlfriend :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Helen, thinking of you always and I admire your courage and bravery :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Everyone else we are on our way to BFP... XOXOOXXOXOXXOX
Love You All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Good Morning Friends!!! :coffee: :flower: :hugs:

How in the heck is everyone today?? :winkwink:

Amanda, glad you got your scan date but hate that they messed up, I'd definately call them, I'd want a scan around that wonderful week 20 (I'd be peeking to see if your baking a girl or boy) LOL :blush: :winkwink: 

You know, the more I think about that tho.... With all my other babies, I've always found out at the 16-20 week scan what I was having, never a surprise... A part of me wouldn't wanna find out this next go around ... Think I want our lil rainbow to be a surprise :winkwink: We'll see..... 

Helen, you are such an amazing friend... Always so strong and there for everyone one, no matter what, I am truly thankful for you Hon' :hugs:

Mhairi, Jojo, Erica ... You all doing good? Sick as usual? :thumbup: I hope so.. :winkwink: Hang tight and this all will pass quickly :winkwink: Just how far along is everyone?? I'm trying to remember what week everyone is in but having a hard time figuring it out LOL.....:dohh:

Andrea... How ya doing babe?? Ready to make that baby?? :sex:

Nikki, You sound JUST LIKE ME! :haha: :happydance: Yay! A crazy symptom spotter!! :happydance: Hahaha!! That will be me in about a week, no actually sooner than that :winkwink: Promise :blush: Today is my BIG O DAY!!! I think God (or someone) is smiling down on me and making me feel better finally... We've only got to sneek in 2 sessions in so far... FX'd! :dust: Hopefully I can pounce tonight AND tomorrow! If not both, then tonight!!!! Wooooo! :sex:

My DD has a dental appointment in a bit, UGH! ... She is 9 years old and has to have 4 teeth taken out... I am NOT looking forward to this... She is my lil drama queen and has a heart attack if she stumps her toe, so this child will not do well with the recovery time I"m sure... Hope to God she surprises me!!! :winkwink:

Happy Thurday Gang... Oh, and I also seen that today is World Prematurity Day.... I'll be thinking of all our children, just as I do everyday .. :hugs:


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## kiki04

How many of you ladies are charting?


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## jojo23

im 9 weeks today hun :) xxx


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## KamIAm

Hello Ladies ...:winkwink:

Thanks Jojo... TBH, I'll have to mark it on my lil calendar, cuz I'll forget again , sorry LOL... But now I will have an idea who's where ... Gotta keep tabs on my girls :winkwink: :flower:

Today has went so well..... Wheww! My DD that is 9 years old and completely scared to death of the dentist, well her procedure went so well! The surgeon was great, super friendly and talked to her like she mattered, which was perfect for her... Kind of gave her a lil more control in that scary situation... She ended up having to have 5 teeth taken out today, poor thing, on her bottom left side she lost 3 teeth, she looks a bit silly now, poor baby.. LOL :blush: And she is still numb, thank God! They said she would only be numb for 2 hours..well it's been 6 hours! We ain't gonna complain! I'd much rather be numb through the majority of healing time... The sutures will dissolve on their own so she doesn't have to go back to him! YAY! Next step, back to the orthodontist to start the process of braces, geesh ..:wacko: Her teeth was crazy ...

Anyways.... So, that's my day pretty much, except for my cell shutting down with a mind of it's own.. All that is figured out as well... I have an older model of the Iphone, the tech support guy said I"m due for an updated blah.. LOL... 

Today is supposed to be my Glorious Beautiful "O" day.... So, counting down til OH gets home from work and kids get settled into their beds ..... Yippee!! :happydance:

:sex::sex: Let's get it on!!! :sex::sex:


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## Nikki_d72

Hey Kelly - So glad it went well for her, it must have been quite scary for her, good on her being so brave. She sounds exaxctly like my DD, drama queen from hell and has never done herself any real damage so nutts off at small hurts. 

Get to it, woman! Glad you are feeling better just in time. Haha, the kids will all be in bed early tonight then! GLxx

Kiki, I'm not charting - I'm too obsessive as it is but I may do if we don't catch in a few months. The thing is I keep waking up at stupid times either through the night or early in the morning and I know different amounts of sleep throws the Basal Body Temperature bit out. I just use CM CP and other body signs so far. Are you going to start doing it, or do you chart already? 

How's everyone else going?


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## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> How many of you ladies are charting?

I use OPK's for me they are just easier.. XOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kiki04

I chart and use OPK's. I started charting again the month after we lost Hadlee so I can relearn my cycles.... last month was my first with OPK's though :shrug:


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## jojo23

awe kelly so glad she's ok poor lil thing!! dentists are so scary at that age lol..... i used those softcups for a while girls but tbh they were so tricky while lying down i gave up but then i got pregnant so maybe they did work lol!!! i never knew how to read those opks properly haha i used about a million and never got it!!! awe girls wishing you all the luck in the world for this month!i'll have to send you all some four leaf clovers lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## KamIAm

Well Poop..... Yesterday was MY BIG "O" Day and didn't get any lovin's... :dohh: Fell asleep! LOL!!! :rofl: And that lil turd didn't wake me... :dohh: Soooo, I hear that the day after is still a "maybe"... so I will pounce early LOL!! :haha: :winkwink: 

DPO ....So, let the maddness begin!!! :happydance:

How is everyone today??? Seems a bit quieter, everyone OK? 

Nikki~ How are ya hon'? Anything interesting :winkwink: going on with ya?? :thumbup:


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## ericacaca

KamIAm said:


> Well Poop..... Yesterday was MY BIG "O" Day and didn't get any lovin's... :dohh: Fell asleep! LOL!!! :rofl: And that lil turd didn't wake me... :dohh: Soooo, I hear that the day after is still a "maybe"... so I will pounce early LOL!! :haha: :winkwink:
> 
> DPO ....So, let the maddness begin!!! :happydance:
> 
> How is everyone today??? Seems a bit quieter, everyone OK?
> 
> Nikki~ How are ya hon'? Anything interesting :winkwink: going on with ya?? :thumbup:

POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: POUNCE :sex: 

xxx


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## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Well Poop..... Yesterday was MY BIG "O" Day and didn't get any lovin's... :dohh: Fell asleep! LOL!!! :rofl: And that lil turd didn't wake me... :dohh: Soooo, I hear that the day after is still a "maybe"... so I will pounce early LOL!! :haha: :winkwink:
> 
> DPO ....So, let the maddness begin!!! :happydance:
> 
> How is everyone today??? Seems a bit quieter, everyone OK?
> 
> Nikki~ How are ya hon'? Anything interesting :winkwink: going on with ya?? :thumbup:

Hope you get some loving in today, might still be in with a chance! 

I'm still around, Im just so busy, I went back to work on Wednesday, still trying to sort out all dads stuff, and we are moving house this week plus I am feeling so sick and can't keep my eyes open most of the time. Well, apart from early morning, woke up at 4.30am today and couldnt get back to sleep so just heading to bed now at 7pm! 

Hope you are all okay my lovely friends. Who is at what stage of AF/ ov/ 2ww? I've lost track, lol

Xxx


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## kiki04

I am on cd 5 right now and I OV around 17-19. 

I am so afraid of getting pg around the same time I did with Hadlee... that cycle started jan 28 2011. :nope:


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## KamIAm

I just recieved some "junk" mail today and it didn't kill me, like usual.... It was a congrats for our new baby and wanted me to take a survey... Needless to say, I didn't take the survey... I did however write on it.... "My daughter was born too soon and didn't survive... So please stop sending me stuff...Thanks!" ..... 

You think they will finally get that hint? :winkwink:

Wish that when they got my information, they would have gotten all of it... Would be nice if they figured that out.... :thumbup:


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## Nikki_d72

Hey everyone!

Kelly, sorry you got mail like that, you'd think they'd sort it out. I only ever signed up for email things and managed to get rid of them quite quickly, thank God, as they were so awful to get. Sorry you fell asleep on the big day, I agree, pounce! :sex: It's not so easy to get morning action with kids around though, is it?! Even if you got some within the couple of days prior to O there's a good chance anyway and you're not temping, are you? If not, there's no really accurate way to say you definitely O'd on a specific day so you may as well pounce anyway as you could be out by a day or so easily. 

Mhairi, good luck with your house move hon - remember to delegate, use your status to the max, lol. Hope it all goes well and isn't too emotional for you hon. 

Kiki, I know what you mean, it would be pretty hard to be going through the same seasons etc at the same stages of pregnancy, it would be like reliving the whole thing. I've thought of that too. Between trying to avoid due dates, and actual birthdates it's really difficult.

I'm on CD19 and think I ov'd early this time, about CD11 or 12, so I'm either 7 or 8DPO. I don't usually test until about 14DPO, so a while to go yet! (hard to get the sensitive ones here and they are expensive - I'm determined not to order them in from Oz as I'm so hoping I don't need a bulk-pack! I also cannot be trusted to have them in the house, hehe).

I'm still stuffy and have a bit of a sore throat. Very crampy but I had that last month too so trying not to get my hopes up. I so want to be pregnant by Christmas and before my due date, which doesn't even make sense as the boys would have been born by now anyway, being twins. Just that last wee psycological hurdle, I guess. Also, it looks as though hubby may have to go and work somewhere else through the week soon as there isn't any work left for him where we are, so that will make things really hard if we're still trying by then, so I'm hoping this is our month. I know that's putting soo much pressure on myself and it's probably going to make me even more nuts than usual with the symptom-spotting! I have been getting headaches the last couple of days too but that may just be from my hyper brain not stopping whizzing around all this stuff!

Hope the rest of you are all well, thinking of you all!

I have my DD's school fair today so that will be a bit of fun, have to do my duty to raise funds for the school and buy a load of junk they have been making!

Speak to you all later, my lovelies xxx


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## jojo23

kelly hun keep doing the deed you never know how stong those lil swimmers are lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> I am on cd 5 right now and I OV around 17-19.
> 
> I am so afraid of getting pg around the same time I did with Hadlee... that cycle started jan 28 2011. :nope:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Love you Kell, thinking of you..XOXO Thinking of all of you also..
XOXOOoooooXOOOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::kiss::kiss::kiss::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

I'm sure most of you are in La La Land.. Sleeping away... Man, this time difference is for the birds LOL!! :haha:

Just bounced back on here quickly just to check on everyone... Fixin' to hit the sheets.... :winkwink: :spermy:

No Nikki, I never have temped, I've never used or tried anything except the basic counting out from AF, I use this Iphone App that does it for me, LOL... Maps it all out for me LOL :blush:

Good Night Friends ... :sleep:


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## kiki04

Well I am in Canada so not as bad of a time difference here! As I post this it is 11:30pm for me...

I am so addicted to charting its crazy. I advise staying away from it if you have an addictive personality :rofl:


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Well I am in Canada so not as bad of a time difference here! As I post this it is 11:30pm for me...
> 
> I am so addicted to charting its crazy. I advise staying away from it if you have an addictive personality :rofl:

Sorry to be a pain in the you know what, but what exactly is charting? 
Thanks..XOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Imalia

I don't chart, it dis-heartens me. I put all my time and energy into temping and checking CM and CP and tracking everything, making sure we dtd at the right time and don't get pregnant anyway. We just make sure we dtd all the time, a minimum of once every 24 - 48 hours. 

We're on day 13 today, so should be approaching O at any moment. My body likes do do it's own thing anyway, one month I'll O on day 14, the next day 18 or anywhere in between.


----------



## kiki04

Andypanda6570 said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> Well I am in Canada so not as bad of a time difference here! As I post this it is 11:30pm for me...
> 
> I am so addicted to charting its crazy. I advise staying away from it if you have an addictive personality :rofl:
> 
> Sorry to be a pain in the you know what, but what exactly is charting?
> Thanks..XOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

There is different variances of how much you want to do. For me, I take my temp every morning and I know my typical pattern. An average cycle, your temp will average lower temps then have a dip even lower the day before OV then shoot right up and maintain higher temps until AF shows, then it drops back down. If you caught the eggies your temps stay high... so its like an early indicator judging my temps. If you click on the link in my siggie that says My Chart you will see what I mean... scroll down and you will see last months. The 2 ++ is my OPK's which coincide with my temp drop and then a rise, indicating I have ovulated :thumbup: It sounds and seems complicated but once you do it... its really so simple... just addicting :rofl:

You can also track CM and CP on there too but all I do is temp and OPK's :thumbup:


----------



## jojo23

hey girls hope your all good today!!! the time difference is kinda crazy alright lol its 4.05 pm here i finished work early today thank god cause was soooo tired! how;s everyone doing with the baby making so far anyone else nearing the big O? XXXXXXX


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls hope your all good today!!! the time difference is kinda crazy alright lol its 4.05 pm here i finished work early today thank god cause was soooo tired! how;s everyone doing with the baby making so far anyone else nearing the big O? XXXXXXX

We are almost there we have to DTD on Sunday :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: so I am hoping maybe for a Christmas baby, GOD that would make my year.. Love you my little Jo Jo XOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
ANd I wish all my (bestest friends ) I know that isn't word, but who cares in the whole wide world much success this month..XOOXXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

:flower: Hi Girls!!! 

KiKi, I've never charted either, and it doesn't sound like a great idea for me to start doing.... HAhaha,... Yes, I'd be charting everytime lil thing... THis is only my second month ttc and Man, one thing I've learned... I am addicted and get obsessed LOL!!:blush: I really wanna but think I'm gonna TRY to stay away from that FOR NOW... :winkwink:

Andrea, Tomorrow is :sex: day!?!?! Woot Woot!! :happydance: I'll have everything I can cross, crossed for you Hon'! ... We are just days apart on our cycles.... Soooo, we can symptom spot together as well!! :happydance: Think Nikki is just a bit ahead of us ..

Operation Christmas Baby... full steam ahead!! :happydance:

How are the rest of you lovely rainbow ovens' doing?? Jojo, wow it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon there and it's 10 o'clock in the morning here.... Wowzers :dohh: 

Just popping on to check in ... I'll check back later taters :hugs:

:dust::dust::dust:

:happydance: Let the obsessing begin!!! :happydance:


----------



## yazoo

Hey girls, I hope your all doing well. 
Sorry I have been AWOL lately. I haven't read back on the posts but I will catch up with ya'll soon. Consultant appt didn't go very well. Looks like I have Hughes Syndrome/Antiphosphilipid syndrome. Its a autoimmune disease that is responsible for recurrent miscarriages, still births, placental abruptions and low birth weight. It causes the blood to become very thickk and sticky and it then clots easily cutting of oxygen and nutrient supply to the baby via the placenta. I will know for sure when the second blood tests come back. It also affects fertility. If I do get pregnant again I will be put on blood thinning injections and hopefully that will prevent the worst from happening. 

I hope all the little rainbows are doing well & that there are more little rainbows in the making this month. 

Chat to you all soon. xxxx


----------



## jojo23

yazoo said:


> Hey girls, I hope your all doing well.
> Sorry I have been AWOL lately. I haven't read back on the posts but I will catch up with ya'll soon. Consultant appt didn't go very well. Looks like I have Hughes Syndrome/Antiphosphilipid syndrome. Its a autoimmune disease that is responsible for recurrent miscarriages, still births, placental abruptions and low birth weight. It causes the blood to become very thickk and sticky and it then clots easily cutting of oxygen and nutrient supply to the baby via the placenta. I will know for sure when the second blood tests come back. It also affects fertility. If I do get pregnant again I will be put on blood thinning injections and hopefully that will prevent the worst from happening.
> 
> I hope all the little rainbows are doing well & that there are more little rainbows in the making this month.
> 
> Chat to you all soon. xxxx



awe hun im so sorry to hear! i got tested for that after Lily as well... the only thing is at least you know now what it is and you can hopefully get some advice on what to do from now on! my cousin has it as well she lost twins last year from it but now has a healthy lil boy 4 months old so dont loose hope hun! ill be sayin a lil prayer for you!!!! xxxxxxxxx


Andrea ill have absolutely EVERYTHING crossed for you to catch that little eggy! you can do it!! love you xxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Hey girls, I hope your all doing well.
> Sorry I have been AWOL lately. I haven't read back on the posts but I will catch up with ya'll soon. Consultant appt didn't go very well. Looks like I have Hughes Syndrome/Antiphosphilipid syndrome. Its a autoimmune disease that is responsible for recurrent miscarriages, still births, placental abruptions and low birth weight. It causes the blood to become very thickk and sticky and it then clots easily cutting of oxygen and nutrient supply to the baby via the placenta. I will know for sure when the second blood tests come back. It also affects fertility. If I do get pregnant again I will be put on blood thinning injections and hopefully that will prevent the worst from happening.
> 
> I hope all the little rainbows are doing well & that there are more little rainbows in the making this month.
> 
> Chat to you all soon. xxxx

I am so sorry to hear this, but there is hope, right with the injections? Don't get upset and I just know things will look bright for you and things will happen for you. Believe that. I love ya and I am here for you no matter what,, you know that, we all are.
Sending positive thoughts and more love that I THINK you can handle..
XOXOXO Andrea:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

yazoo said:


> Hey girls, I hope your all doing well.
> Sorry I have been AWOL lately. I haven't read back on the posts but I will catch up with ya'll soon. Consultant appt didn't go very well. Looks like I have Hughes Syndrome/Antiphosphilipid syndrome. Its a autoimmune disease that is responsible for recurrent miscarriages, still births, placental abruptions and low birth weight. It causes the blood to become very thickk and sticky and it then clots easily cutting of oxygen and nutrient supply to the baby via the placenta. I will know for sure when the second blood tests come back. It also affects fertility. If I do get pregnant again I will be put on blood thinning injections and hopefully that will prevent the worst from happening.
> 
> I hope all the little rainbows are doing well & that there are more little rainbows in the making this month.
> 
> Chat to you all soon. xxxx

Oh I'm sorry it wasnt better news hun :hugs::hugs: but if the 2nd test does come back positive then at least they know what is wrong and how to treat it. I have heard of people needing to give themselves daily injections before for similar conditions and going on to have healthy pregnancies so all is not lost! :hugs::hugs::hugs: You will get that rainbow I just know it! 

Kelly and Andrea good luck for O!!! Praying and hoping for a BFP in time for Christmas for you both! And to everyone else chasing that eggy too :hugs::hugs:

As for me I am ok - still tired and nausea has started a little today - feeling sick especially after food and the smell of toast sent me running for the toilet earlier! I'm also really stressing still - I have heard of a few girls on other threads I am on (who are also angel mums) losing their rainbows due to early miscarriage and its literally breaking my heart - I am almost tempted to stay away from BnB for a while because I think it might be adding to my stress levels but then I think of you girls and I dont think I can leave you! does that even make sense? My OH says I'm crazy and that you are only names on an online forum but you all feel like close friends to me :hugs:

PS its nearly 1am here and I just got in from a crazy shift at work an hour ago :coffee:


----------



## MummyStobe

yazoo said:


> Hey girls, I hope your all doing well.
> Sorry I have been AWOL lately. I haven't read back on the posts but I will catch up with ya'll soon. Consultant appt didn't go very well. Looks like I have Hughes Syndrome/Antiphosphilipid syndrome. Its a autoimmune disease that is responsible for recurrent miscarriages, still births, placental abruptions and low birth weight. It causes the blood to become very thickk and sticky and it then clots easily cutting of oxygen and nutrient supply to the baby via the placenta. I will know for sure when the second blood tests come back. It also affects fertility. If I do get pregnant again I will be put on blood thinning injections and hopefully that will prevent the worst from happening.
> 
> I hope all the little rainbows are doing well & that there are more little rainbows in the making this month.
> 
> Chat to you all soon. xxxx

Hi Tanya sorry you didn't get better news at your appointment. I won't pretend to know anything about the condition because I'd never heard of it before reading it in your post but I've heard success stories of people with blood clotting problems going on to have healthy babies after having injections and baby aspirin to thin the blood during pregnancy.
I'm sure you'll get your rainbow, stay positive.

Sorry I've been AWOL too, been so busy over the past week.

I see a few of us are heading into the crazy 2ww. Sending :dust: to all the rainbow makers. Really hope we get lots of Christmas :bfp:

Hope all our rainbow bakers are also doing ok. Lots of icky symptoms I hope so we know our rainbows are ok.

AFM I've seen my Gp and made a booking in appt with the community midwife for 13th Dec, when I called up I spoke to the one who did my booking in last time and I didn't click with her at all but she's on holiday the day of my appointment so the midwife who visited me at home after I lost Max will be doing it instead which i'm pleased about.
I've also spoken to the screening midwife based at the hospital and she is going to ring me this week to arrange an appointment at the EPAU for an early scan and to see her afterwards to have some blood taken for testing because the nurse at my GP surgery used the wrong containers so they've not been able to do all the tests the consultant wanted. My consultant has also been told I'm pregnant so she'll be expecting my referal to her.
Most of my irrational fears seem to be reducing as my symptoms start to increase. Feeling very sick most of the time and I'm so tired and my boobs are finally starting to get sore and sensitive too and I'm also getting the night time baby bloat that vanishes by morning.
Had a little panic last night, went to a friends for tea and we had chicken & bacon pasta in a creamy sauce but I later found out that it had Dolcelatte (a blue veined Italian soft cheese) in it. I'm hoping that because it was well cooked that any bacteria would have been killed. My friends know I'm pregnant (we wanted to keep it a secret but it slipped out the other night - I'm no good at lying - suppose we should tell our parents now!) but had no idea there was so many foods that I have to avoid eating. She was absolutely mortified when she found out.
Got this next week off work, we were hoping to get away but can't find any last minute deals that we fancy so think it's going to be a week chilling at home. It'll give me a chance to start on the Xmas shopping and get lots of rest.
Xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

MummyStobe said:


> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> Hey girls, I hope your all doing well.
> Sorry I have been AWOL lately. I haven't read back on the posts but I will catch up with ya'll soon. Consultant appt didn't go very well. Looks like I have Hughes Syndrome/Antiphosphilipid syndrome. Its a autoimmune disease that is responsible for recurrent miscarriages, still births, placental abruptions and low birth weight. It causes the blood to become very thickk and sticky and it then clots easily cutting of oxygen and nutrient supply to the baby via the placenta. I will know for sure when the second blood tests come back. It also affects fertility. If I do get pregnant again I will be put on blood thinning injections and hopefully that will prevent the worst from happening.
> 
> I hope all the little rainbows are doing well & that there are more little rainbows in the making this month.
> 
> Chat to you all soon. xxxx
> 
> Hi Tanya sorry you didn't get better news at your appointment. I won't pretend to know anything about the condition because I'd never heard of it before reading it in your post but I've heard success stories of people with blood clotting problems going on to have healthy babies after having injections and baby aspirin to thin the blood during pregnancy.
> I'm sure you'll get your rainbow, stay positive.
> 
> Sorry I've been AWOL too, been so busy over the past week.
> 
> I see a few of us are heading into the crazy 2ww. Sending :dust: to all the rainbow makers. Really hope we get lots of Christmas :bfp:
> 
> Hope all our rainbow bakers are also doing ok. Lots of icky symptoms I hope so we know our rainbows are ok.
> 
> AFM I've seen my Gp and made a booking in appt with the community midwife for 13th Dec, when I called up I spoke to the one who did my booking in last time and I didn't click with her at all but she's on holiday the day of my appointment so the midwife who visited me at home after I lost Max will be doing it instead which i'm pleased about.
> I've also spoken to the screening midwife based at the hospital and she is going to ring me this week to arrange an appointment at the EPAU for an early scan and to see her afterwards to have some blood taken for testing because the nurse at my GP surgery used the wrong containers so they've not been able to do all the tests the consultant wanted. My consultant has also been told I'm pregnant so she'll be expecting my referal to her.
> Most of my irrational fears seem to be reducing as my symptoms start to increase. Feeling very sick most of the time and I'm so tired and my boobs are finally starting to get sore and sensitive too and I'm also getting the night time baby bloat that vanishes by morning.
> Had a little panic last night, went to a friends for tea and we had chicken & bacon pasta in a creamy sauce but I later found out that it had Dolcelatte (a blue veined Italian soft cheese) in it. I'm hoping that because it was well cooked that any bacteria would have been killed. My friends know I'm pregnant (we wanted to keep it a secret but it slipped out the other night - I'm no good at lying - suppose we should tell our parents now!) but had no idea there was so many foods that I have to avoid eating. She was absolutely mortified when she found out.
> Got this next week off work, we were hoping to get away but can't find any last minute deals that we fancy so think it's going to be a week chilling at home. It'll give me a chance to start on the Xmas shopping and get lots of rest.
> XxxClick to expand...

XOXOOXO so happy for you and always thinking of you girls..:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:


----------



## dnlfinker

Hi, 

I am actually away, i am sorry that i am not responding to you . I am still waiting to test, not sure how early the testing is done. I am becoming so obessed and cant hold it anymore.I do have a question though, I got yelled by my husband yesterday because i took two sips of a alcoholic drink. Only now i realize that he might be right and feel so guilty! He is like, "what if we got pregnant this month" . I just started to have a lot of what if, and nervous tha i made a mistake

Wishing you all, 

All the best!


----------



## kiki04

Awww hun dont beat yourself up about 2 sips! Baby wouldnt be attached to you yet at this point so a couple sips would have done no harm :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am actually away, i am sorry that i am not responding to you . I am still waiting to test, not sure how early the testing is done. I am becoming so obessed and cant hold it anymore.I do have a question though, I got yelled by my husband yesterday because i took two sips of a alcoholic drink. Only now i realize that he might be right and feel so guilty! He is like, "what if we got pregnant this month" . I just started to have a lot of what if, and nervous tha i made a mistake
> 
> Wishing you all,
> 
> All the best!

I drank when I was 3 weeks pregnant at a party, I had 2 glasses of wine .I didn't know I was pregnant and nothing happened, so don't worry about it. It is not a big deal, believe me. Your fine..
XOXOOX Andrea:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw Tanya I'm so sorry the appt didn't go so well for you. Please don't lose hope, I'm with the others in that there does seem to be a lot they can do about this. Did they tell you what they would do or are they waiting for the second test result? Best of luck honey, try to keep the faith.

Hayley, Glad you've got your appts booked and you are avoiding the midwife you don't like. As for the pasta, as long as it's well cooked the blue cheese should be fine, as you say the bacteria would be destroyed by the heat.

Nat, don't worry about the couple of sips - it takes well over a month for the baby to be fully plugged in to your bloodstream.

Amanda, I'm so glad you are getting tons of symptoms - my god those shifts must be a killer for you though! Do you get a bit of a nap through the day if you need it? 

If B&B is stressing you out then you should take a break if you need it hon, we won't hold it against you. I will say that men don't seem to really get what we get out of being here though, my DH finds it wierd as well that I talk to "strangers" but you don't feel like strangers to me and I probably know what's going on with some of you more than most of my RL friends and I share more feelings with you girls than anyone else I think. Anyway, I'm just saying, do what's right for you hon.

Kelly, Andrea - good luck, let the craziness begin!

Mhairi, you OK? and Erica? Jojo, everyone else?

I'm OK, woke up at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep so here I am (5:30am here now) but I'll go for a wee liedown again soon I think. Not much to report really just really tired most days but I get a bit like that on the run-up to AF anyway. I'm about 9DPO and won't be testing till AF is missed, I don't think so ages to wait. Night-night again, speak to you tomorrow xx


----------



## jojo23

Nikki_d72 said:


> Aw Tanya I'm so sorry the appt didn't go so well for you. Please don't lose hope, I'm with the others in that there does seem to be a lot they can do about this. Did they tell you what they would do or are they waiting for the second test result? Best of luck honey, try to keep the faith.
> 
> Hayley, Glad you've got your appts booked and you are avoiding the midwife you don't like. As for the pasta, as long as it's well cooked the blue cheese should be fine, as you say the bacteria would be destroyed by the heat.
> 
> Nat, don't worry about the couple of sips - it takes well over a month for the baby to be fully plugged in to your bloodstream.
> 
> Amanda, I'm so glad you are getting tons of symptoms - my god those shifts must be a killer for you though! Do you get a bit of a nap through the day if you need it?
> 
> If B&B is stressing you out then you should take a break if you need it hon, we won't hold it against you. I will say that men don't seem to really get what we get out of being here though, my DH finds it wierd as well that I talk to "strangers" but you don't feel like strangers to me and I probably know what's going on with some of you more than most of my RL friends and I share more feelings with you girls than anyone else I think. Anyway, I'm just saying, do what's right for you hon.
> 
> Kelly, Andrea - good luck, let the craziness begin!
> 
> Mhairi, you OK? and Erica? Jojo, everyone else?
> 
> I'm OK, woke up at 4:30 and couldn't get back to sleep so here I am (5:30am here now) but I'll go for a wee liedown again soon I think. Not much to report really just really tired most days but I get a bit like that on the run-up to AF anyway. I'm about 9DPO and won't be testing till AF is missed, I don't think so ages to wait. Night-night again, speak to you tomorrow xx


awe you must be so tired hun sorry your not sleeping!!!! yeah its prob best not to test until after af is due...that way you wont be getting disappointed when you dont need to be. awe girls im prayin for you all every day to get your bfps! 

Nat dont worry too much hun i had a few drinks before i got my bfp and all scans have been fine so far(fingers crossed!) a couple of sips wont hurt. 

i have my booking app/12 week scan 14th of december so ill be 13 weeks at that stage...eek!!

hope everyone is good xxxx love to you all:hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Hi girls just posting from my phone so sorry if I miss anyone. 
Don't have any Internet connection for my pc till Tuesday :( 

Yazoo I'm sorry you tested positive for the sticky blood but as the others have said, at least it's treatable, it's probably not much comfort at the moment though. I hope you are okay :hugs:

Nikki, sorry you are having trouble sleeping, so am I, I find myself exhausted during the day and wide awake at night, so frustrating!

To all the girls awaiting ov...get your lurve on!!!

And for those in the tww

Edited to add: argh stupid phone wasn't finished yet!!!

For those In the 2ww good luck I can't wait to hear some good news!

And for all the pregnant ladies cooking rainbows...yay for the tiredness and sickness, it's no fun but reassuring! 

Amanda, if you are finding it difficult to be on here, we understand, we can always keep in touch in other ways xxxxx


----------



## yazoo

Hey Jo, was your cousin only tested for it after she lost her twins or was it before? How are you and little bump doing? 

Andrea yes there is hope I think with the injections. It would mean that I would have to be seen by a high risk specialist and I would be induced early. 

Thanks Amanda hun, I just feel like it is one think another another at the month. I was looking forward to ttc and after the appt I even questioned if I wanted to anymore. But I do. I want a little baby/babies badly and I pray that I get to take one home some say. Amanda instead of leaving us altogether maybe you could just visit us here and stay away from the other threads. YOur not as much exposed to it then. I love the fact that you sick. :haha: Its a great sign. 

Thank you Hayley. I am sure the cheese won't do you any harm. As you said the cooking would kill off any bacteria. 

Natalie the alcohol won't do any harm at all. Hope you get your BFP this month. 

Hi Nikki- well I have to go back for the next result in 8 weeks but she said in the meantime if I get pregnant to ring the EPU and request a 7 week scan and once they see that baby is in the right place with a heartbeat I will be started on Heparin injections that day. I am also taking aspirin now everyday. Now I am thinking that maybe it is better if the result comes back positive next time because if it comes back negative I will be worried about the one positive result and will be a nervous wreck without treatment. However if its positive at least I am being treated and seeing a high risk doctor. I hope you get your BFP this month hun. :hugs:

Thank you Mhairi- I hope you and bubs are doing good. :hugs::hugs:

Kelly how are you? And Andrea? Are you in the 2ww now? I hope you got lots of BDing in.


----------



## KamIAm

:hugs:Hi Friends!!!

Yazoo, I'm terribly sorry you got slammed with that hon'... wish you didn't have to battle with that, BUT maybe.... :blush: maybe now, they will stay on top of your belly care... :shrug: Still wish you didn't have this junk :hugs: I'm sorry sweetie...:flower:

Hello all my preggo friends :winkwink: How is everyone feeling today?? Getting plenty of rest and eating tons of bad stuff...I recommend lots of chocolate!!!!! :thumbup:

Amanda, I completely understand... That is totally your call and just know, we'll always be here either way.. Heck, you can't get rid of me THAT easy tho, I can and will facebook stalk you!! Muhahahahaha (that was my evil laugh) :haha:

Mhairi... I think I would have an immediate heart attack going that long without the internet to your PC... You know what's funny, I could go for a long time on any other website,... But this site.... Heck, No way I could stay away! Miss you all too dang much! :hugs:

Andrea... My Love... It's SUNDAY!! :happydance::happydance: Girl, you better be doing the BABY DANCE all dang day LOL!!! :sex: Hahaha, yep! I remembered! :winkwink: Woot Woot Woot Woot :flasher:

Nikki... I think I am gonna TRY really really really hard to follow your lead this month.... I am gonna try NOT to test til AF doesn't show.... Lord, that is gonna be a blessed miracle.. I'll be having the shakes... LOL But I HATE hate hate seeing a big ugly NO .. So, I'm gonna stay away from the stores and not buy any tests .... So, December 1st is when AF is due....When is your's hon?? 

Jojo .... Hayley ... Keep those baby updates coming!!! :happydance: Yay to being sick, tired and icky!! :happydance: 

Nat.... Chin up sweetie....Keep us posted and please don't beat yourself up over a few sips... Promise ... :hugs:

Been busy today... We have ordered new carpet and trying to move out all the furniture, so might not be back til tomorrow.. but I'll be back :winkwink:

:dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hey Kelly, I'm not entirely sure this month as I seem to have Ov'd early - 14DPO is the 26th, but that is only CD26, so sometime between then and the 30th (which would be CD30, the longest cycle I've had). By all accounts I should be due around the 26th-28th, if not, then I've probably missed O day anyway. We shall see, it's going to be a long and confusing month...We're pretty close together, huh? Here's hoping, it would be awesome to be bump-buddies and share the madness!

Have fun with the new carpet, you may have to christen it haha.


----------



## jojo23

Tanya hun she was tested after she lost the twins as it was a late loss like ours and they discovered she had the disorder so when she felt like ttc again she was on medication until she fell pregnant and then on baby aspirin throughout her pregnancy as well as other monitering! her little man is now 4 months and an absolute buster lol she had a great pregnancy with him so dont loose hope hun!! she had a 2 early miscarriages before the twins also but they wouldnt test her until the 3rd loss xxxxxxxxxxxx


amanda i totally understand how you feel its so scary in the other forums its just like we have our own little bubble here and never wanna leave haha i barely look at the other forums now as i know all of you are here for any advice i need not just baby/preg stuff xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## yazoo

Thanks Joelene, I'm glad she has her little boy now after going through so much heartache. It gives me hope & I really hope that I can have a "normal" pregnancy again without bleeding, clots etc. *sigh*

Hows u & little bubs doing? Good I hope. 

Thank you Kam. How are you? Christen that carpet yet? lol


----------



## jennijunni

I will be maybe joining you ladies soon. I just had my second D&E in 5 months, and another 2nd trimester loss. I have had 4 healthy pregnancies, so I know I can carry a child, I just could not carry those two. I wonder if I can go through this again, and in my heart I know I can, I dont want to, but I can. We are having a bunch of tests done in 2 weeks, to see if there is anything wrong with me, because there was nothing wrong with the babies. So I am hoping by the end of December that all will be a go, and I hope we catch the egg quickly this time. We tend to get pregnant rather quickly, and we are blessed in that way. So right now I am in limbo, I am scared, and nervous, and excited, and I want and need a healthy pregnancy, to trust my body again. GL to you all.


----------



## KamIAm

jennijunni said:


> I will be maybe joining you ladies soon. I just had my second D&E in 5 months, and another 2nd trimester loss. I have had 4 healthy pregnancies, so I know I can carry a child, I just could not carry those two. I wonder if I can go through this again, and in my heart I know I can, I dont want to, but I can. We are having a bunch of tests done in 2 weeks, to see if there is anything wrong with me, because there was nothing wrong with the babies. So I am hoping by the end of December that all will be a go, and I hope we catch the egg quickly this time. We tend to get pregnant rather quickly, and we are blessed in that way. So right now I am in limbo, I am scared, and nervous, and excited, and I want and need a healthy pregnancy, to trust my body again. GL to you all.

Welcome JenniJunni!! :flower: :hugs: 

All I can say is WOW.. You are remarkably strong...Bless your heart!:hugs: I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, can't wait for you to hurry and get all your answers so back to baby makin' you go :winkwink:

No girls, I haven't christened the new carpet yet... We are actually still trying to empty out the furniture.. YUCK! It's like moving all over again, having to box things up and find another room to shove it in LOL :blush: Carpet should be completely done by Tuesday, yea two days before we have a house full of people eating.... LOL! Yep, We're some smart cookies:wacko: :dohh: HE planned that LOL!!:haha:

The obsessing hasn't hit me YET... I'm kind of shocked, I just KNEW that once I was 1dpo I'd be marking calendars, charting symptoms... All the stuff I did last month but I'm not YET, guess it's still a bit early still.... No symptoms to report tho either :winkwink:

I completely agree with you girls about joining other sections on this forum... To be honest, last month when we decided to start ttc, I jumped over there as well as here BUT it just isn't home... Doesn't feel right.... AND I was never really welcomed, like I was here.. Not very nice over there LOL ... So, just so y'all know... That WHEN I get my rainbow, my butt will be staying put as well :winkwink: Yep... we are all here for each other for everything.... Not just baby & bump questions and support.... Friends :winkwink: :friends:

Oooo Nikki! We are super close... That would be amazing if we got to be bump buddies!! FX'd!!! 

Hope everyone is doing well today..... :hugs:


----------



## blav

Ok, I know this is for TTC, but it's only been 3 weeks since we lost Mateo and my doctor told us to wait 6 weeks to have sex and not to try to get pregnant until after my second period. OH has been super concerned about waiting the 6 weeks because he doesn't want me to get sick or hurt (my ob/gyn said my cervix was closed), but I've been DYING over here so last night I finally convinced him to participate in a little play time (no sex though). And it was amazing. I just had to tell someone!!! 

Thanks for all your support ladies, I am so happy for all of you rainbow makers and can't wait until we can make our own!


----------



## jojo23

blav said:


> Ok, I know this is for TTC, but it's only been 3 weeks since we lost Mateo and my doctor told us to wait 6 weeks to have sex and not to try to get pregnant until after my second period. OH has been super concerned about waiting the 6 weeks because he doesn't want me to get sick or hurt (my ob/gyn said my cervix was closed), but I've been DYING over here so last night I finally convinced him to participate in a little play time (no sex though). And it was amazing. I just had to tell someone!!!
> 
> Thanks for all your support ladies, I am so happy for all of you rainbow makers and can't wait until we can make our own!

LOL its so hard to wait hun isnt it!! i couldnt wait for 6 weeks but my doc told me whenever i felt ready to ease into it.... im so sorry for your loss, and from not until your ttc again we'll all be here. think this forum is pretty much open to everyone and the ladies here are fantastic they have become true friends to me!!! and it keeps things a little lighthearted too after all the sadness! xxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

blav said:


> Ok, I know this is for TTC, but it's only been 3 weeks since we lost Mateo and my doctor told us to wait 6 weeks to have sex and not to try to get pregnant until after my second period. OH has been super concerned about waiting the 6 weeks because he doesn't want me to get sick or hurt (my ob/gyn said my cervix was closed), but I've been DYING over here so last night I finally convinced him to participate in a little play time (no sex though). And it was amazing. I just had to tell someone!!!
> 
> Thanks for all your support ladies, I am so happy for all of you rainbow makers and can't wait until we can make our own!

Hahaha lol glad you had a little fun with hubby, you deserve it. It's a good way of staying close too, as losing a child can sometimes build walls.
We are here for you on every step of your journey from the loss of Mateo to hopefully holding his little rainbow brother or sister in your arms. I think we have turned this thread into a free-for-all chat anyway so boast away! xxxx


----------



## collie_crazy

Thank you for your support girls :hugs: I think I am just being silly but its hard to see loss everywhere when I'm trying so hard to cling to hope... 

But I have my first scan a week tomorrow :happydance: and I got my letter today for my 12 week scan and first antenatal appointment which will be 22nd December (I'll actually only be 11 weeks by then) so that will be nice if everything goes ok to be able to tell people at Christmas... But then I have been thinking about it and I'm not sure whether I will tell at Christmas or wait until after the 1st Jan which would have been Emilys due date. I am scared to tell people before the due date incase she gets 'forgotten' about amongst all the excited baby talk :shrug:

Oh and I thought you girls would be excited to know that one of my first 'baby buys' was travel sickness bags because last time I got caught out a few times whilst out in the car and had to pull over and throw up on the pavement (NOT NICE!) and well lets just say I had to use my first one today whilst stuck in traffic! Thanks hormones :haha:

Lots of love and :dust: to all :hugs:


----------



## jojo23

awe amanda its great that you have all your appointments sorted.. yay for the first scan :)

im a little emotional today, just having a day where i think somethings wrong, my boobs arent as sore and its totally freakin me out! just bein crazy lady today lol.

such a rollercoaster we're all on girls isnt it ive never experienced more ups and downs in my life!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> awe amanda its great that you have all your appointments sorted.. yay for the first scan :)
> 
> im a little emotional today, just having a day where i think somethings wrong, my boobs arent as sore and its totally freakin me out! just bein crazy lady today lol.
> 
> such a rollercoaster we're all on girls isnt it ive never experienced more ups and downs in my life!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx

Urgh it's horrible when the symptoms disappear for a bit isn't it! Cue paranoia!
I was getting worried because I wasn't so sick or tired any more, now, they are both back with a vengeance, I am getting nowhere fast with unpacking boxes after our house move as I keep falling asleep!!! Xx


----------



## jojo23

mhazzab said:


> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> awe amanda its great that you have all your appointments sorted.. yay for the first scan :)
> 
> im a little emotional today, just having a day where i think somethings wrong, my boobs arent as sore and its totally freakin me out! just bein crazy lady today lol.
> 
> such a rollercoaster we're all on girls isnt it ive never experienced more ups and downs in my life!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> Urgh it's horrible when the symptoms disappear for a bit isn't it! Cue paranoia!
> I was getting worried because I wasn't so sick or tired any more, now, they are both back with a vengeance, I am getting nowhere fast with unpacking boxes after our house move as I keep falling asleep!!! XxClick to expand...

LOL awe hun it must be so hard moving in the middle of it all.... oh im so paranoid its terrible, im sitting here prodding my boobs all day and now they are sore from that!! hopefully tomorrow it will be ok and ill have sore boobies again lol, i dont wanna be phoning the doctor because of this and im due to see her next week anyway for a check up... oh girls dont mind me im just having one of those days!!!!:cry:


----------



## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> awe amanda its great that you have all your appointments sorted.. yay for the first scan :)
> 
> im a little emotional today, just having a day where i think somethings wrong, my boobs arent as sore and its totally freakin me out! just bein crazy lady today lol.
> 
> such a rollercoaster we're all on girls isnt it ive never experienced more ups and downs in my life!!!! xxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> Urgh it's horrible when the symptoms disappear for a bit isn't it! Cue paranoia!
> I was getting worried because I wasn't so sick or tired any more, now, they are both back with a vengeance, I am getting nowhere fast with unpacking boxes after our house move as I keep falling asleep!!! XxClick to expand...
> 
> LOL awe hun it must be so hard moving in the middle of it all.... oh im so paranoid its terrible, im sitting here prodding my boobs all day and now they are sore from that!! hopefully tomorrow it will be ok and ill have sore boobies again lol, i dont wanna be phoning the doctor because of this and im due to see her next week anyway for a check up... oh girls dont mind me im just having one of those days!!!!:cry:Click to expand...

I'm not having the best of days either...didn't sleep well last night, have been feeling so sick yet so hungry today. And I was sitting in the office, and one of my colleagues was discussing her pregnancy with another, right in front of me. I don't grudge anyone being happy about their pregnancy, but, I felt so uncomfortable and I couldn't get away :(. today it's five months since I lost the girls I think maybe I was just being over sensitive, but, I thought they could have been a bit more considerate. I suppose I should just be more used to it by now, it's like some people think you should forget about them.

Lol for the prodding of the boobies, not had that problem yet this time, but I do remember doing it last time! Xx


----------



## jojo23

awe i know hun its so hard, i feel like i cant tell anyone yet cause i just cant get excited about it myself! im sorry your not sleeping hun i think everything seems so much worse when your tired....it must be a very hard day for you today(not that any day is easy) but im sending you all my love and thoughts and i know your angels are watching over their amazing mummy every day!!!

xxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MummyStobe

I've been having a paranoid day today too. Must've been to the bathroom to check I wasn't bleeding at least 10 times - daft because it only reassures me for half an hour and then I'm panicking about it again. 

Amanda I'm pleased to hear you've got your scan dates through. I also thought I was going to have to pull over to be sick today, i've had constant nausea for the past couple of days. I promised I won't moan about it because I know it's a good sign but it's still not a nice feeling.

Jojo I've been prodding my boobs too! :haha: sensitive nipples were the first sign of pregnancy last time but they're taking their time this time around, only just starting to notice them now! 

Mhairi I hope you're not overdoing things with your house move. Get plenty of rest and sleep when you need it.

Hope everyone else is well - sorry not gone back past the current page as on my phone. Night all xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Just wanted to say i am out this month. We both have really bad stomach virus's and it is coming out both ends of us, if you know what I mean :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
Love You All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: My ovulation ticker isn't right my ovulation is earlier not in 5 days


----------



## kiki04

Well I will keep my fingers crossed that its a 24 hour bug so you can get your groove on just before O :hugs:


----------



## jennijunni

blav said:


> Ok, I know this is for TTC, but it's only been 3 weeks since we lost Mateo and my doctor told us to wait 6 weeks to have sex and not to try to get pregnant until after my second period. OH has been super concerned about waiting the 6 weeks because he doesn't want me to get sick or hurt (my ob/gyn said my cervix was closed), but I've been DYING over here so last night I finally convinced him to participate in a little play time (no sex though). And it was amazing. I just had to tell someone!!!
> 
> Thanks for all your support ladies, I am so happy for all of you rainbow makers and can't wait until we can make our own!


We did not wait 6 weeks, we actually had sex after we delivered our DS the next week. I was told to just do it when I was ready, and that is what I did after the births of all my babies, so we threw caution to the wind, and went at it. So go have fun. Hugs!


----------



## jennijunni

Lots of hugs and prayers for those of you that are pregnant. We most certainly have lost the innocence and joy of pregnancy. It is so sad and disheartening. When I was pregnant last time, I was 100% sure all was going to be well, and I did love, and relish that pregnancy, even though it ended. I will be sending so many prayers, and good thoughts to you all. I wont say "dont worry, everything will be fine," because we all have lost that confidence, but I will say that I will be thinking of you all, and all of your babies. GL and I hope everyone is doing well.


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Well I will keep my fingers crossed that its a 24 hour bug so you can get your groove on just before O :hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jojo23

Andypanda6570 said:


> Just wanted to say i am out this month. We both have really bad stomach virus's and it is coming out both ends of us, if you know what I mean :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
> Love You All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: My ovulation ticker isn't right my ovulation is earlier not in 5 days

awe hun im so sorry your not feeling well!!!! what a horrible bug to have.... seems we're all having an off few days girls lol. im gonna try go to the doctor today or tomorrow i just cant shake the feeling something is wrong, other than tiredness i just dont feel pregnant at all waking up this morning. ugh hope im just being paranoid and all is ok! 

anyone testing soon girls??xxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Welcome jennijunni and blav. Blav I wasn't told to wait the 6 weeks either- maybe its just at the discretion of individual doctors. I was actually told that I would prob ovulate 2 weeks after I gave birth so to use protection iof we were doing anything. 

Aww Jo, Mhairi & Hayley- I can imagine what you are going through right now. It must be so hard but in no time you will all be feeling those first little bubbles and flutters and I know everything will be ok. You are all in my thoughts everyday. :hugs::hugs:

Andy- I'm sorry you both have a bug. :nope: Hopefully it will pass and you can start baby dancing again. 

Nikki & Kelly- are you symptom spotting yet? 

Amanda- yay for travel sickness I love it. :thumbup: I'm glad you got your scan date too hun. 

Kiki how are you? 

I am on CD 15 at the moment so due to ovulate anyday now I think. I'm just back from doctors and filled him in on all the consultant said and he said there is absolutely no reason why we can't ttc and he is confident that I will be treated well with this condition and will have a little baby. He said yes there are risks unfortunately but I will be well monitored. Its a relief to say the least I have been worrying so much and even contemplating not ttc anymore because I can't handle another late loss and neither can my family but the desire to have a baby is too much. I am so grateful for my DD but I really want another baby/babies and I know I would always regret it if I let this condition beat me and robbed DD of the chance to be a big sister to a baby who she can kiss and cuddle instead of a big sister to an angel baby. Ok thats enough from me.

Massive hugs to all you wonderful ladies.


----------



## kiki04

Im OK... been having a rough go at things lately though so I have now been put on an anti-anxiety med which is HIGHLY cautioned not to take while pg cuz it causes birth defects :( So right now I am going to continue on charting and such and I will do my OPK as normal, but right now I need to fix me. It is only a script of 30 pills so I can either take 1 per day/month or 2 per day/2weeks. I only started them yesterday and oh boy :rofl: only needed one :rofl: I was in a total daze, completely feeling at peace, calm and mellow. Then I slept great last night...so this is a good thing :thumbup: After this script is done we will go from there... but I will still pop in here to be a cheerleader for you guys!!! :hugs:

I like to keep tabs on the new rainbows that are cooking :cloud9: and to see how many are in the making! :happydance: 

Lots of love and luck ladies.. we will all get our turn soon :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Good Morning Friends! :coffee:

Oh wait... Andy... I'm lost..:blush: LOL... Was this past Sunday when you think you Ovulated or you haven't ovualted yet this month?? If you haven't, then there's still a chance this icky bug is just a 24 hour bug and you guys can get a humpity humping! :winkwink: :haha: Hope you guys get feeling better FAST!

I don't know about you all, but I have noticed that since we are ttc... I am having a hard time staying focused and keeping :sex: fun and exciting... I'm thinking too much!!!! :haha: Anyone else having or have had this issue... We have a great sex life and have never had issues until these last 2 months... LOL All I can think about is.... Is THIS the time... Hmm? Wonder if THIS is the night we make our rainbow! .... :wacko: Doesn't have a great effect on the baby dancing... LOL Oh, I also read an article yesterday that said.... TMI! TMI! TMI! .... If the woman has an orgasm and get pregnant the sex of the baby will be a boy and if the woman doesn't have an orgasm then it will be a girl.... Have you girls read or heard of this??? I have never in my life heard of this and wonders about it... It had some interested (sounded well based) facts explaining this but how in the world .. ?? .. :shrug: Just wondered ... 

Jojo.... I won't know anything until FOREVER away.. LOL.. December 1st is when my AF is due... and this month I am REALLY gonna try HARD not to test... Seeing those bfn's is pretty hard to swallow... So, I"m gonna TRY to stay busy and not obsess... So far so good .... FX'd!!!! 

Nikki, how are you feeling??? Anything yet???? :winkwink:

Hayley, Amanda, Mhairi, Jo, Erica... All the lil buns in the ovens' cooking good??? Man.. We have a lot of rainbows on the way don't we!! :happydance: Seems like I'm forgetting someone??????? :blush: If I ever do... I apologize!!! :blush:

Yazoo and Helen... I'm sending you BIG hugs and loves today.... :hugs:

AFM... I honestly don't even know how many dpo I am ... :dohh::happydance:... Hmm? Let me count.... Think I'm 4-5dpo ... Haven't noticed anything "unusual" with me... Just sleepier than usual but heck I think that is from all this gloomy rainy weather we've been having the last few days....:winkwink:

Sitting here in my super crazy messy house, going insane, waiting for the carpet installers to get here.... I posted a funny picture on facebook of my crazy living room... Looks like someone has a lil hoarding issues here LOL!!! ... Want my house put back to normal.... They said they would be here at 8am, that was an hour and a half ago...I just called them and they will be here in a few hours :dohh: .. Patience .... Oh where art thou??? :winkwink: :haha:


----------



## jojo23

awe Tanya thats brill news for you at least you know now you can ttc for definite and will get all the care you need when you do get your lil rainbow!!! im so happy for you and want you to know your in my thoughts every day!

well i freaked out over nothing girls lol had morning sickness all day haha and boobs are sore again, sorry bout havin a lil moment there but least i know you all understand!

ooooh kelly its so hard to not think about testing but its def the best thing to do!!! ill say a lil prayer for you in the mean time :)
Hayley, Amanda, Mhairi,erica,helen,andrea hope you are all good!

sorry if i forgot anyone girls you know i love you all just typing this while in work lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> awe Tanya thats brill news for you at least you know now you can ttc for definite and will get all the care you need when you do get your lil rainbow!!! im so happy for you and want you to know your in my thoughts every day!
> 
> well i freaked out over nothing girls lol had morning sickness all day haha and boobs are sore again, sorry bout havin a lil moment there but least i know you all understand!
> 
> ooooh kelly its so hard to not think about testing but its def the best thing to do!!! ill say a lil prayer for you in the mean time :)
> Hayley, Amanda, Mhairi,erica,helen,andrea hope you are all good!
> 
> sorry if i forgot anyone girls you know i love you all just typing this while in work lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

finally connected to broadband again after moving house, so now I can reply more often, yay!!!

so glad you are feeling ill today, lol...don't worry about the freak outs I reckon we all are gonna have many of those over the course of the 40 weeks...! xxx


----------



## collie_crazy

Blav we weren't told to wait 6 weeks for intercourse - just until the bleeding had stopped so as not to introduce infection. I think we did wait for around that time though as I just felt wrong being intimate.

Andrea I'm so sorry you are both ill hunny :cry: Sounds awful! Hoping it passes quickly and you can get back to business :winkwink:

Yay for Oing soon Yazoo, will you be trying this cycle then?

Oh Kiki I am sorry you are having a hard time with anxiety. I know that feeling although maybe not as bad as you because I dont think I need meds yet but this pregnancy has really rocked me and I feel myself anxious all the time and sometimes about really random things! I freaked out in the shower earlier because I was worrying about slipping and hurting myself and losing the baby, I've never ever slipped in the shower in my life so where did that come from? I think you're right though - you need to make sure you are 100% before TTC again so you can be at your strongest for your little beautiful rainbow that will be waiting for you :hugs: I hope you will hang around in here still even though not actively TTC!

LOL @ the article Kelly :blush: TMI from me but I KNOW for sure that when we conceived Emily I orgasmed so umm yeah dont think its accurate :haha: I think it is maybe based on if you orgasm his little dudes are helped on their way by your uterus contracting and boys are faster swimmers than girls so maybe they reach the egg super quick? Who knows :rofl: 
:happydance: Hoping this is your month!! Excited :happydance:

Jo glad you are feeling ill again today and those bbs are sore (probably from all the poking LOL) We are insane! 

Yay for broadband Mhairi :happydance: Although it probably means the unpacking will take longer :haha:


Ugh I know I said I didn't want to moan about symptoms and I really dont but its so hard. My sickness has well and truly kicked in - I refuse to call it morning sickness because for me it is most definitely not!! I have been so ill all day, every little smell is making me run for the toilet - cleaning products seem to be the worse, we have a dettol spray that is apple scented and my god I actually chucked it in the bin after spraying one bit of it today! And you should have seen the state of me trying to get showered - my shower wash is vanilla milk and raspberry which I normally love but today :sick: YUCK! Think I will need to be making a visit to the doctor for an anti-sickness soon if this keeps up!


----------



## kiki04

I absolutely will be! You are stuck with me lol This is the only cycle I will be on them I think, so I will be back in the game in no time :hugs:

And thanks! :hugs: And just remember... being sick really sucks.. Ive been there! And it lasted for motnhs with both my girls, BUT that is a sign of a good healthy pg :hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hi Everyone! Hope you are all well, I've had a busy couple of days so haven't been on much, sorry! 

Kiki, sorry the anxiety is getting to you, I hope your meds give your mind enough rest to get back in the saddle soon hon, they sound fab, I have to say!

Amanda, I'm sorry you are getting such a lot of sickness, oh God I remember ther smells thing, the smell of the fridge used to make me gag, I still can't abide the smell of my liquid handwash as it reminds me even now! We won't hold it against you if you have a little moan, hun. At lerast it's a daily reminder that all is well though! Lol at the sickbags.

Andrea, I'm so sorry that you were sick, I hope you are feeling better - is it too late for you now to do your swingin thing? Hope not.

Tanya, good luck!

Mhairi, yay for Broadband! hope you are settling in to your new home and not over-doing things.

Erica, Jojo, Hayley hope you are all well.

Welcome Blav and Jenny!

Kelly, how you doing on trying to stay sane hon? 

I'm about 11DPO, I think (though not charting so can't be sure) and I had a mad dream last night about POS and getting by BFP! So, needless to say I'm off to buy some tests for the morning! It was a funny one though, the stick had all sorts of lines and little squares and dots all over the place and I couldn't work out what they all meant! Haha, nothing is quite right in dreamworld, is it? There's gotta be some warped thing! other than that no definite symptoms that couldn't be put down to PMS really. I'm super-tired but I sometimes get that before AF and there is a lot going on as well. I do have a bit more CM than usual but nothing astounding and I could easily be out with my OV day so I dunno. 

Is Nat still around?

I hope I've not missed anyone out, apologies if I have, I have no brain. xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Nikki I got my bfp 11dpo. I really hope your dream means something. Keep us posted! x


----------



## jennijunni

Glad everyone is doing well. I mostly lurk, we are not TTC yet, but maybe soon. If I dont check in often, I am sorry, we are still dealing with things here, and I still get sad. But I want to be supportive of all the mamas expecting their rainbow babies. I am glad all is well. I hope that all the USer's have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Lots of love!


----------



## KamIAm

:hugs: Thanks Jenni :flower: Lots of loves and cuddles to you as well...

Thinking of you Andrea... Love ya chicka!

Nikki, Holy crap Lady! I'll be pacing with excitement until your butt logs back in with news.... :happydance: That dream is WILD!!! :thumbup: 

Hi to all the mom's!! Xxxx!! Sending hugs and hopes for a lil break from all the icky sickness... :hugs:

Helen ... Thanks for the PM .. I'll get back atcha ya when I can type ...OH keeps bugging me, sorry... :hugs:

Tanya... Hope you are having a good day sweets... 

I haven't noticed anything unual yet :dohh: Just the usual increased CM, a lil more tired.. oh yea, tonight I noticed that my fingers and hands was swollen??? That NEVER happens, even when I was preg the other times, so i'll be googling and watching that... Anyone hear if that's a sign?? LOL!!! :winkwink:

Nite All.... :winkwink:

Have more to write BUT when OH is home, hard to ... SO, I'll be back LOL


----------



## Nikki_d72

jennijunni said:


> Glad everyone is doing well. I mostly lurk, we are not TTC yet, but maybe soon. If I dont check in often, I am sorry, we are still dealing with things here, and I still get sad. But I want to be supportive of all the mamas expecting their rainbow babies. I am glad all is well. I hope that all the USer's have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Lots of love!

Hey Jennijunni, It's no wonder you are still sad, it's all still so fresh for you, I'm so sorry. We'll be here whenever you're ready, and before then too if you just wanna chat hon.

Haha, girls, I'm not reading too much into my dream - it's the main thing on my mind so it's no wonder I'm dreaming about it! I'll see how I feel in the morning, I may test or I may wait it out a bit - the tests I've got are only 25mlu, they say they will work on the day of missed AF, do you think they would work sooner at that sensitivity? Can't get FRER here, or digis, boo.

Kelly, not sure about the swollen hands but maybe you are getting more sensitive to things around you or in your diet - could be a good sign, mine got really dry last time and I have oily skin. I'm not sure how quickly the blood volume increases but that could cause it, couldn't it? Google here you come, hehe.

xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

jennijunni said:


> Glad everyone is doing well. I mostly lurk, we are not TTC yet, but maybe soon. If I dont check in often, I am sorry, we are still dealing with things here, and I still get sad. But I want to be supportive of all the mamas expecting their rainbow babies. I am glad all is well. I hope that all the USer's have a wonderful Thanksgiving. Lots of love!

I love you already you are SO positive and sweet. and I don't even know you..Have a great Thanksgiving my new friend..Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> :hugs: Thanks Jenni :flower: Lots of loves and cuddles to you as well...
> 
> Thinking of you Andrea... Love ya chicka!
> 
> Nikki, Holy crap Lady! I'll be pacing with excitement until your butt logs back in with news.... :happydance: That dream is WILD!!! :thumbup:
> 
> Hi to all the mom's!! Xxxx!! Sending hugs and hopes for a lil break from all the icky sickness... :hugs:
> 
> Helen ... Thanks for the PM .. I'll get back atcha ya when I can type ...OH keeps bugging me, sorry... :hugs:
> 
> Tanya... Hope you are having a good day sweets...
> 
> I haven't noticed anything unual yet :dohh: Just the usual increased CM, a lil more tired.. oh yea, tonight I noticed that my fingers and hands was swollen??? That NEVER happens, even when I was preg the other times, so i'll be googling and watching that... Anyone hear if that's a sign?? LOL!!! :winkwink:
> 
> Nite All.... :winkwink:
> 
> Have more to write BUT when OH is home, hard to ... SO, I'll be back LOL

I love you too, my silly, loveable beautiful Kelly ..XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Love you all SO SO SO SO SOS SO SO much.


Happy Thanksgiving To All 

I don' think there are any Thanksgiving smilies (LOL) XOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

I'm sorry Kiki that you have been having a rough time. You are absolutley right. YOu need to fix you first and it is only a 30 day supply so hopefully you will be back on the ttc train in no time. Fancy sharing a pill with me? I fancy feeling spaced at and mellow. lol 

I have never heard the orgasm theory Kam. I must google it now. Have you got your house sorted? I don't know about the swollen hands thing. 

Thanks Jojo. :hugs: Stop poking the boobs. lol

Hey Mhazzab- I hope the move went well. It can be such a stressful thing. Yay for broadband. :happydance: Hows you and that little rainbow doing? 

Hey Amanda, yes we are going to continue trying this month. Just praying for it to happen and for everything to be ok. I'm a wee bit confused though. OPKs have been negative and I had ewcm at CD11 and 15 and then this morning I kept waking up so didn't really get an accurate bbt reading so I dunno wahts going on. Moan away hun. I know its awful to be sick and you probably don't want to but I bet its hard. 

Nikki- the month we conceived both me and OH had a dream that I was pregnant. 

Jennijunni- don't worry about not coming in here alot. We will all be here for you when you are ready. 

Happy Thanksgiving to you lovely American ladies. I hope you have a good day and don't find it too hard. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> I'm sorry Kiki that you have been having a rough time. You are absolutley right. YOu need to fix you first and it is only a 30 day supply so hopefully you will be back on the ttc train in no time. Fancy sharing a pill with me? I fancy feeling spaced at and mellow. lol
> 
> I have never heard the orgasm theory Kam. I must google it now. Have you got your house sorted? I don't know about the swollen hands thing.
> 
> Thanks Jojo. :hugs: Stop poking the boobs. lol
> 
> Hey Mhazzab- I hope the move went well. It can be such a stressful thing. Yay for broadband. :happydance: Hows you and that little rainbow doing?
> 
> Hey Amanda, yes we are going to continue trying this month. Just praying for it to happen and for everything to be ok. I'm a wee bit confused though. OPKs have been negative and I had ewcm at CD11 and 15 and then this morning I kept waking up so didn't really get an accurate bbt reading so I dunno wahts going on. Moan away hun. I know its awful to be sick and you probably don't want to but I bet its hard.
> 
> Nikki- the month we conceived both me and OH had a dream that I was pregnant.
> 
> Jennijunni- don't worry about not coming in here alot. We will all be here for you when you are ready.
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving to you lovely American ladies. I hope you have a good day and don't find it too hard. Lots and lots of hugs and kisses. :hugs::hugs:

XOXO Love you, thanks ..XOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Well... I got the wind sucked out of my sails last night ....:cry:

While laying in bed, going to sleep.. my OH drops a bomb shell .... He really doesn't wanna ttc again... :cry: He only agreed to it because he knew how much I wanted to.... He says it will be too scary and even brought up the worries of how expensive it would be... :shrug: and has brought up his age... Says he thinks he really doesn't wants to be an older father .. (He's 45 now). 

I am a bit baffled to be honest... He keeps me completely confused on this matter... One day he can't wait, then the next he doesn't want to at all.... :shrug: So, if I didn't get preg this cycle, looks like I'm out ... Well see... Like I said, he's so all over the radar with this .. Just gonna take one day at a time....

I honestly think it's because he knows I stay sad.. (I don't show it, but he just knows) ... ecspecially with Thanksgiving being tomorrow ... and then Christmas... He is terrified that this will happen again and he says he worries about me , mentally.... 

Ugh... :cry: I just want my Emma ....:nope:

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we are having it at our house for the first time, having all our family here ...without Emma... 

I think getting new carpet in Emma's "would have been" room has upset me as well, I hardly EVER go in that room, I just keep the door shut and pretend it isn't there... But while in there working I ran into Emma's clothes and things... When I seen her lil onesie that say "Baby's First Christmas" .. OMG... :cry: That definatly done me in.... I hate that we are here girls.... hate this for all of us...

Thanks for listening to me whine and rant.... You girls are the best!:hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

oh Kelly :hugs:

You're not the first person who has written this recently, what is it with men, why can't they make their minds up? Grrr. I'm not sure really what to say, other than, just keep talking to him, and explain how much it means to you, to make Emma a big sister. From what you have said, he sounds like a good man, I really hope you can make a decision you are both happy with. Have the docs told you how they will manage another pregnancy for you? Maybe he just needs reassurance?

That must have been hard for you, being in Emma's room, it's so sad. I wish she was here with you too. I think it must be very hard for you guys right now, with thanksgiving tomorrow, I know that's a big family event for you, same as christmas is for us, and I am totally dreading that.

Your little Emma will be smiling down on you all tomorrow, maybe you could do a little memorial something just for her tomorrow, so you feel she is part of the day even though she can't be with you in person, she will be there in spirit. maybe light a candle or something?

I hope the day isn't too hard on you xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Thank you Mhairi!

Yes, He is an amazing man, I'm so lucky to have in my life ... I think he is just scared to death... Lossing Emma was a BIG blow to him.. He's never had children... He was so excited to finally have a baby and get to experience it all.... He is wonderful with my children, I was previous married, their father decided that the family life wasn't for him... But my OH just stepped in and picked up right where he left off... I am very fortunate for that ... One of his "flaws" if you want to call it that.. Not really... LOL... He doesn't just act what his heart tells him... Like I do! Whew, I would throw caution to the wind and have a baby in a heartbeat, I would take that risk.. He isn't.. He has to write it out all on paper and see if it looks like a good move for our family... Complete opposites, guess we compliment each other .. ? .. 

I thought about doing something special for Emma tomorrow... Just can't put my finger on what I want to do... I know we'll go out to the cemetery and take her balloons and flowers but just don't know what all I want to do yet.. :shrug:

I'm not having any symptoms like I thought I was feeling last month.. Feel totally different this cycle .. ?? .. I was picking apart every little thing but this time, I hardly think about it... Weird huh ... :shrug: 

Hope you all are doing well ..... Xxxx:hugs:


----------



## jojo23

Awe Kelly hun im so sorry!! what a bombshell!

but it def sounds like he's just unsure, maybe he's saying this because he's afraid of seeing you upset again in case anything did go wrong(not that it would!!!) men are such funny creatures. theres no way of us all getting over christmas this year, i keep passin little babys first xmas stuff in town and almost bawling at the sight of them cause i would be buying them now for Lily! all i can say is we're all here for you no matter what hun and we know all our angels are together this year and santa will just have to pay them a very spacial visit in heaven!!!!

happy thanksgiving hun, sending you so much love from Ireland xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Hellylou

Ah Kelly, well you know I know exactly what it feels to hear that from the OH and it's horrible. I really wish men would just think before they start airing their fears and worries in this way. My husband completely destroyed me by saying what he said, but has since backtracked and really it was just because he was scared of the unknown. Honestly, I could have seriously done without that! He pulled the rug out from under my feet when I was doing so well, and thought he was somehow being sensible.:dohh:

But, the consultant appointment made a big difference to him. Hearing from a professional all the miraculous things they can do to help in future is exactly what men need - they are practical. They like to plan things out and fix stuff, and get completely spooked when something happens that is completely out of their control. It knocks them for six, and they don't particularly relish the idea of being there again, so I do think a professional input may help here.

My best friend was hilarious about it when I told her about my OH's 'decision'. She was outraged, and basically said "well, it's not his call to make, and you just need to go ahead and get pregnant - he'll come around eventually" I mean, it wasn't very sensible, but it did cheer me up hearing that.:haha:

I hope thanksgiving is bearable for you all. I know like Mhairi said Christmas is going to be a bit tough for us. Do something lovely for Emma, I am sure it will help xxxx


----------



## blav

Wow, I just had a similar conversation to this with my OH, only fortunately, we're still on the same page about TTC in January. 

I think what everyone else has said about your OH's fears are true. He doesn't want to see you hurt, knowing that he can't fix it. However, 45 isn't that old...my OH is 40! People are having kids older now, and there is nothing wrong with it (just tell him he's still a young stud or something, ) It sounds like he is on the fence in some ways, so I hope he comes around when he realizes how much you want a baby and how much he truly does too.

As tough as the holidays will be without Emma in the house, she is still with you and watching over her family! I hope you decide on something special to do in her memory (wish I had a good idea for you).


----------



## dnlfinker

Your husband loves you so much, he does not want ypu to get hurt! Try to be patient, he needs a little trigger that might change his mind. Something like holding a baby or a great time with you Dd . Its ok for him to be scared but i would not call it quits yet. Another thing to consider: i always heard that when couples dont concentrate on getting pregnant and just enjoy, its exactly the time when miracles are bond to happen.Maybe it does not seem so right now, but it could be a sign!

Little update from me: i caved in yesterday and tested. I think on day 25 , ofcourse bfn! 
I looked at the chart and only yesterday the implantation was suppose to happen, who knows. I am not looking for signs because thats where dissapointment comes in, but yesterday i had some kind of pressure down there which could also be a sign of an ugly red head comming around. I took 3 sticks with me, 2 of which is gone! Leaving third last one for sunday before leaving our vacation. I was so tired and frustrated at work, i just needed to go away. When we lost our liitle girl, i started work after 4days.

I hope everyone is doing well! Its hard to write from here because the connection is bad!

All the best to you!


----------



## jojo23

sorry to change the subject hun but have to have a little moan and im here by myself so its either talk to myself or write it down here lol!

i am so uncomfortable all day i think i have a uti or somethin, have pain in what seems to be my kidneys...or left kidney to be precise. and an ache in my lower tummy :( i feel terrible and couldnt get an app until tomorrow with my doctor. i have a little discharge also tmi girls sorry!! and as i said im all on my lonesome until tomorrow so feeling a little sorry for myself. im downing the canberry juice as we speak and just had a nice warm shower hoping it might ease off but nope:( still in pain! hope a uti is all it is and not somethin more serious.

thanks girls feel better after letting that out lol xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## KamIAm

Thanks girls for the pep talk ... I do feel better... I'm an easy fix (for the moment) ... LOL... 

Jojo, I have heard getting UTI's is very common during pregnancy's ... I never did but I hear they are quite uncomfortable, poor thing... :hugs: hate that you are alone ... Wish I was a wee bit closer LOL .. :flower: I can't wait til you pop in and see your doctor tho, just cuz I'm gonna be a nervous wreck over you girls :blush: LOL ...

Thanks again for all the kind, supportive, perfect words friends ....:hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Well... I got the wind sucked out of my sails last night ....:cry:
> 
> While laying in bed, going to sleep.. my OH drops a bomb shell .... He really doesn't wanna ttc again... :cry: He only agreed to it because he knew how much I wanted to.... He says it will be too scary and even brought up the worries of how expensive it would be... :shrug: and has brought up his age... Says he thinks he really doesn't wants to be an older father .. (He's 45 now).
> 
> I am a bit baffled to be honest... He keeps me completely confused on this matter... One day he can't wait, then the next he doesn't want to at all.... :shrug: So, if I didn't get preg this cycle, looks like I'm out ... Well see... Like I said, he's so all over the radar with this .. Just gonna take one day at a time....
> 
> I honestly think it's because he knows I stay sad.. (I don't show it, but he just knows) ... ecspecially with Thanksgiving being tomorrow ... and then Christmas... He is terrified that this will happen again and he says he worries about me , mentally....
> 
> Ugh... :cry: I just want my Emma ....:nope:
> 
> Thanksgiving is tomorrow and we are having it at our house for the first time, having all our family here ...without Emma...
> 
> I think getting new carpet in Emma's "would have been" room has upset me as well, I hardly EVER go in that room, I just keep the door shut and pretend it isn't there... But while in there working I ran into Emma's clothes and things... When I seen her lil onesie that say "Baby's First Christmas" .. OMG... :cry: That definatly done me in.... I hate that we are here girls.... hate this for all of us...
> 
> Thanks for listening to me whine and rant.... You girls are the best!:hugs:

 Aww Kell, maybe he will come around, To be honest my husband doesn't want to either but he said he will do it for me, cause I told him it is the only thing that i feel will make me better. He said we are 40 our oldest is 20 and he really does not want to start over, I know it is wrong that I am forcing him, but I don't care, hope things work out with hubby..I love ya :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:





jojo23 said:


> sorry to change the subject hun but have to have a little moan and im here by myself so its either talk to myself or write it down here lol!
> 
> i am so uncomfortable all day i think i have a uti or somethin, have pain in what seems to be my kidneys...or left kidney to be precise. and an ache in my lower tummy :( i feel terrible and couldnt get an app until tomorrow with my doctor. i have a little discharge also tmi girls sorry!! and as i said im all on my lonesome until tomorrow so feeling a little sorry for myself. im downing the canberry juice as we speak and just had a nice warm shower hoping it might ease off but nope:( still in pain! hope a uti is all it is and not somethin more serious.
> 
> thanks girls feel better after letting that out lol xxxxxxxxxxx


Aww I hope you feel better, maybe take a trip to the doc just to check things out? I am thinking of you..XOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Kelly, that just made my heart drop, reading your post about your hubby not wanting to TTC. After reading your other post though I think it's clear that what Helen said is more than likely dead right - he's a practical guy, a fixer and this was something he couldn't fix and it would terrify him. Also for it to be his first experience of biological fatherhood must have been terrifying and I wouldn't be surprised if he somehoe thinks it's something to do with him, given that you have kids already from your 1st hubby. That would be very untrue and totally ridiculous of course but men have strange brains and you know how we all like to blame things on ourselves, eh? I really hope that he comes round for you, I'm sure he will - let him write his lists and come up with a great answer eventually. I think hearing what the docs have to say does sway it lots for men too - it's what changed my DH's mind too. 

I'm also hoping that the no symptoms may be a good thing for you hon, it often is for many ladies! 

I hope thanksgiving goes smoothly for you, I love what you're doing for Emma. I'm so sorry the room being re-done has been so sad for you, sorry I didn't realise it was Emma's room you were doing or I wouldn't have made the carpet jokes, sorry hon.

Jojo, I hope you are OK and get tested for that UTI soon hon - they are rotten and important to treat. Till your appt, keep drinking lots of water and cranberry juice (unsweetened though), even though it won't cure it, it will keep it in check and flush your kidneys out. It's more than likely what you have, rather than something serious, they are very common in pregnancy, try not to worry. They are only a problem if they are left for ages and ages I think. 

AFM, well I tested this morning, as per instruction (in fact I hardly slept I was so anxious to test) and........

BFN. Poo. 

Thought so, I'm just psyching myself out again, I'm going to do my own head in doing this every month. I'm so stressed about it, I so want to be pregnant by Christmas and it now looks like DH's job is finishing up (he's self-employed) this Dec and there is no work around here at the moment, so he may have to go away to work Mon-Fri in January. How the h*ll are we going to fit in TTC if he's not here most of the time?!!! Keep everything crossed for me ladies, I need some freaky luck now!

Hope everyone else is well, thinking of you all, always xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Sorry about the BFN Nikki, that sucks. Sending some crazily potent :dust: for next cycle, and hoping the work keeps coming in for OH to keep him at home for plenty of more important work :winkwink:


----------



## collie_crazy

Yay for BFP dreams Nikki - I had a BFP dream the cycle I conceived. But Boooo for the BFN... still early though and things can definitely still change. If OH goes away would you be able to travel and do the naughty? LOL :haha: I'm sure you will work something out IF you need to.

Jenni - dont worry abou not posting often :hugs: Remember we are here for you. 

Kelly I am so sorry your OH is being awkward about TTC. Steven said the same thing - one minute he did, the next he didnt. I guess like us they are just scared about the future and what can happen. I'm sure if you give him time and explain to him he will understand. I said to Steven that the minute I found out I was pregnant with Emily I became a mum and now that she is gone I am still very much her mum but I needed to have a baby here with me to mother also, because without it I felt lost, like I dont belong anymore. After that he understood - and then BFP! :happydance: Its going to happen for you too - I know it :hugs: Love you xxx

PS I like Mhairis idea of having a little 'thing' for your angels on thanksgiving :hugs:

Oh Jojo BIG HUGS :hugs: I hope the docs can give you something tomorrow to make you more comfortable. Not quite the same but I had horrid heartburn yesterday and was on my own I wanted to cry so much from it. I was so pathetic it felt so much worse because my OH was working till late :(

Andrea how is the sickness now?

Well I had my 3rd appointment with psychologist this morning and she was lovely as usual. I felt so ill before it I very nearly cancelled but I'm glad I didnt know. I will be sad when my appointments with her finish.

6 days till scan :headspin:


----------



## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Yay for BFP dreams Nikki - I had a BFP dream the cycle I conceived. But Boooo for the BFN... still early though and things can definitely still change. If OH goes away would you be able to travel and do the naughty? LOL :haha: I'm sure you will work something out IF you need to.
> 
> Jenni - dont worry abou not posting often :hugs: Remember we are here for you.
> 
> Kelly I am so sorry your OH is being awkward about TTC. Steven said the same thing - one minute he did, the next he didnt. I guess like us they are just scared about the future and what can happen. I'm sure if you give him time and explain to him he will understand. I said to Steven that the minute I found out I was pregnant with Emily I became a mum and now that she is gone I am still very much her mum but I needed to have a baby here with me to mother also, because without it I felt lost, like I dont belong anymore. After that he understood - and then BFP! :happydance: Its going to happen for you too - I know it :hugs: Love you xxx
> 
> PS I like Mhairis idea of having a little 'thing' for your angels on thanksgiving :hugs:
> 
> Oh Jojo BIG HUGS :hugs: I hope the docs can give you something tomorrow to make you more comfortable. Not quite the same but I had horrid heartburn yesterday and was on my own I wanted to cry so much from it. I was so pathetic it felt so much worse because my OH was working till late :(
> 
> Andrea how is the sickness now?
> 
> Well I had my 3rd appointment with psychologist this morning and she was lovely as usual. I felt so ill before it I very nearly cancelled but I'm glad I didnt know. I will be sad when my appointments with her finish.
> 
> 6 days till scan :headspin:

I feel better, just still a little congested and icky,,
Can't wait for your scan!! I am SOOOOO excited :happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Nikki.... Thanks Hon' for the much needed pep talk ... :hugs: Oh and hey! No worries about the carpet joke, I didnt think anything about it... After Emma's loss we changed it to our home office so technically it is the office carpet we replaced, soooo yes... its fair game!!! :winkwink::haha:

Hate you got a BFN... :growlmad: It's still early tho right ???? Still have chances this cycle right?? Sorry, can't remember what dpo you are at... :dohh:

Thanks Andrea for the chit chat as well.... I think he will come around... Think he just had a moment of panic... He is a major fixer...Nailed that right Nikki... :thumbup: When he can't have full control of a situation like that ... ugh ... he's not a happy camper ... He's the protector... and he couldn't save her , or me from this madness of grief.... I know they have to be getting tired of me having my ups and downs... I am starting to feel a lil guilty about that... This Friday will mark 8 months , feel like I should be making more progress...:shrug: Oh well, baby steps... 

Amanda, can't wait to hear about your scan!!! :happydance: super excited!!!! 

Mhairi, hope your getting plenty of rest, with the move and all... Take care of you and that baby :flower:

I am truly blessed to have you all in my corner :winkwink: 

AFM and my crazy monitoring ..or lack of I should say .... I am not having many symptoms still... The swelling in my hands and fingers went away this morning and hasn't been back since ...:shrug: Maybe had something to do with me moving furniture??:shrug: The only thing I can report is gas and cramping ...cramping is usually on my right side , hardly ever on my left .. ?? :shrug: Nothing else to report ... We'll see ... I'm only 5-6dpo so have a while to go still ... :thumbup:


----------



## mhazzab

Hiya, just popping on here quickly before I head out to work to say Happy Thanksgiving to my wonderful American friends. I hope the day is not too hard on you xxxxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Happy Thanksgiving from me too. All of your angels will be with you today, sharing their thanks that you are their mummies xx


----------



## dnlfinker

Happy Thanksgiving to everybody!


----------



## collie_crazy

Happy Thanksgiving folks :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Going for dinner with the in-laws tonight - they still havent been told about our rainbow and dont plan on doing so until after the 12 week scan at least so hoping I am not too ill at dinner!


----------



## ericacaca

Amanda - 6 days till your scan? Mine too! :hugs: Hee hee. Thats so cool! I cannot wait until Wednesday!!!!!

My best buy of the season.... SEA BANDS! Amazing amazing amazing! 

Hope you ladies are all ok. I'm just flagging alot...

Erica x


----------



## collie_crazy

Oh Erica I can't believe you are nearly 12 weeks already! My scan is on Tuesday so only 5 days now :thumbup: ps I tried those sea bands last time and all I ended up with was sore wrists on top of the sickness lol they did nothing for me but I have heard so many good things from others about them so glad they are helping you! 

Hope everyone is doing well today :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

ericacaca said:


> Amanda - 6 days till your scan? Mine too! :hugs: Hee hee. Thats so cool! I cannot wait until Wednesday!!!!!
> 
> My best buy of the season.... SEA BANDS! Amazing amazing amazing!
> 
> Hope you ladies are all ok. I'm just flagging alot...
> 
> Erica x




collie_crazy said:


> Oh Erica I can't believe you are nearly 12 weeks already! My scan is on Tuesday so only 5 days now :thumbup: ps I tried those sea bands last time and all I ended up with was sore wrists on top of the sickness lol they did nothing for me but I have heard so many good things from others about them so glad they are helping you!
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well today :hugs:

Love you both and SOOOOooooooooooo excited for you both

Sending love all the way acrosss the ocean , there is an ocean between us right? :wacko: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

I realised earlier thats its 4 months today since losing Emily. I cant believe its been that long. I didn't realise at first because I still see 'Sundays' as the important days as it was a Sunday she was born on. 

I'll be picking up my photo of her on Tuesday at my scan... I'm nervous and excited about the photo... it sort of feels like she is coming home. Is that weird?


----------



## Nikki_d72

No that's not wierd at all. I hope the picture brings you some peace. xxx

I've just realised it will be 4 months for me also on Wednesday, even though it was a Sunday they were born, we're not far apart on our timescales. I hope the day is gentle on you. xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

How is everyone today? 

I've been desperately searching the TTC forums for secret clues, it's so ridiculous. I've been reading up my TTC diary and realised that all my great "symptoms" are the same as last month when I wasn't pregnant but also the same near enough as when I conceived the boys, so early preg symptoms and PMS must be just the same, so it's such a waste of time, I still do it to myself though! 

I'm not hopeful this month though, my BFN was at what I think was 12DPO with FMU and a 25mlu test so it should have showed by then. Bleh. 

Andrea, hope you are OK hon, yip there is an ocean between you and the UK girls, the Atlantic, and the Pacific between you and I, but "aint no mountain high enough, aint no river wide enough, aint no ocean deep enough, to keep me from youuuuuu!" he he, couldn't resist, you're lucky it's just in type and you don't have to hear me sing that...

xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Nikki and Amana, my baby girl was gone on july 29th, thank you for making me realize that its been 4 month for me as well.

Editing this message: i was reading theough facebook and suddently it hit me . Everybody was writing what they are thankfull about , and at that moment i felt like i am not so thankfull .Dont get me wrong, i am thankfull for my family, friends , job and everything els but at the same time i feel this pressure , anger that a part of my heart was ripped off. My little angel who was suppose tp be here with us soon makes me to be not so thankfull. I tried to explain how i feel to my hubby and he didnt get it. He just said that its weird. Does it make sense to you guys? I didnt expect that i would feel this way, but thats how it is.


----------



## blav

I don't know where I should ask this so I'll just shoot....

So, Saturday will make four weeks since we lost Mateo...bleeding after birth lasted about 2 weeks. The last couple day my uterus area (what else would this be called...lower abdomen, haha???) has been kind of crampy/bloated. Today I went to the bathroom and noticed a pinkish/creamish discharge. Could this be the start of a period? I'm hoping tomorrow it will really look like a period but right now its almost clearish/cream/very light pink and globby. What was everyone's first period like?


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> How is everyone today?
> 
> I've been desperately searching the TTC forums for secret clues, it's so ridiculous. I've been reading up my TTC diary and realised that all my great "symptoms" are the same as last month when I wasn't pregnant but also the same near enough as when I conceived the boys, so early preg symptoms and PMS must be just the same, so it's such a waste of time, I still do it to myself though!
> 
> I'm not hopeful this month though, my BFN was at what I think was 12DPO with FMU and a 25mlu test so it should have showed by then. Bleh.
> 
> Andrea, hope you are OK hon, yip there is an ocean between you and the UK girls, the Atlantic, and the Pacific between you and I, but "aint no mountain high enough, aint no river wide enough, aint no ocean deep enough, to keep me from youuuuuu!" he he, couldn't resist, you're lucky it's just in type and you don't have to hear me sing that...
> 
> xxx

LOL,,I would love to hear you sing it.. XOXOXOXOOX





dnlfinker said:


> Nikki and Amana, my baby girl was gone on july 29th, thank you for making me realize that its been 4 month for me as well.
> 
> Editing this message: i was reading theough facebook and suddently it hit me . Everybody was writing what they are thankfull about , and at that moment i felt like i am not so thankfull .Dont get me wrong, i am thankfull for my family, friends , job and everything els but at the same time i feel this pressure , anger that a part of my heart was ripped off. My little angel who was suppose tp be here with us soon makes me to be not so thankfull. I tried to explain how i feel to my hubby and he didnt get it. He just said that its weird. Does it make sense to you guys? I didnt expect that i would feel this way, but thats how it is.

Trust me I feel the same way,, I am so sorry your feeling like this this way it breaks my heart :cry::cry::cry::cry:



blav said:


> I don't know where I should ask this so I'll just shoot....
> 
> So, Saturday will make four weeks since we lost Mateo...bleeding after birth lasted about 2 weeks. The last couple day my uterus area (what else would this be called...lower abdomen, haha???) has been kind of crampy/bloated. Today I went to the bathroom and noticed a pinkish/creamish discharge. Could this be the start of a period? I'm hoping tomorrow it will really look like a period but right now its almost clearish/cream/very light pink and globby. What was everyone's first period like?

I bled for 2 weeks and 5 weeks I got my period it was normal but shorter I used to get it for 5 days and now it was 3 days, but 9 months later it is back to 5 days, again, xoxoxoxo


----------



## Nikki_d72

blav said:


> I don't know where I should ask this so I'll just shoot....
> 
> So, Saturday will make four weeks since we lost Mateo...bleeding after birth lasted about 2 weeks. The last couple day my uterus area (what else would this be called...lower abdomen, haha???) has been kind of crampy/bloated. Today I went to the bathroom and noticed a pinkish/creamish discharge. Could this be the start of a period? I'm hoping tomorrow it will really look like a period but right now its almost clearish/cream/very light pink and globby. What was everyone's first period like?

It could be, but with those timescales, could it be an ovulation bleed? I only had this the once, and it was the month we concieved the boys, but it was like EWCM mixed with pinkish stuff, it only lasted a few hours or a day and then was gone. Either that or it could just be a bit of leftover stuff, but the bloating would tend to lead me towards thinking of ovulation. HTH, we are all different though... xxx


----------



## yazoo

Hey everyone, I have a bit to catch up on. 

Kelly- I'm sorry that must have been an awful blow for you but I think the girls are right. If he hears from a medical expert that the chances of it happening again are slim then maybe he will be reassured. He will come round- I know it. I hope you had a good thanksgiving and it wasn't too hard. Your pics on fb are lovely. The no symptoms could be a good thing. I really hope it is.

Natalie, sprry you got a BFN but by the sound of it it is too early to test. I really hope it happens for you this month. It would be so great if we got our BFP for Xmas. I understand what you mean about being thankful. Everything else in our lives like jobs etc seem so insignificant after loosing a baby. I don't think its weird at all. We were going to be thankful for having our newborn babies at home with us this Xmas but now thats gone. We have been robbed of that joy. 

Jojo- did you go to the doctor. I suffer from very bad kindey infections in pregnancy adn they are horrible. When mine were bad I left as if my whole vajayjay was going to drop out. lol I hope you and your wee baba are doing well. 

Nikki- sorry you got a BFN hun but I it really could still be too early. Lots of people don't get BFP until really late. Sorry about your OH having to go away to work but if its not your month this time round you will fit in the :sex: it may be a bit more tricky but it will happen. :hugs::hugs:

Amanda, I'm so glad you are getting the most out of your appts with psychologist. How are you doing otherwise? :hugs: Only 4 days to scan. woohoo

Erica- can't wait to hear about your scan. :hugs:

Blav- it could be your period hun. I got mine 5 weeks after birth. You said that its globby- do you mean stretchy? it could be ovulation discharge maybe. 

Andrea- how are you love? Are you feeling any better? xx

Mhairi I hope your doing well? Any pregnancy symptoms or anything? 

How is everyone else doing? Sorry if I missed anyone. 

AFM I am 3dpo according to FF. I don't know for sure as yesterday morning I couldn't find the thermometer. I put it under my pillow and obviously knocked it off the bed in my sleep. I found it under the bed so I couldn't use the temp as it was unreliable but I just wrote it in anyway as the morning before that the temp was high as was this mornings. I've prob cocked the whole thing up but oh well. Plus I keep waking up at different times or to pee in the middle of the night. Its very frustrating and makes charting that bit more difficult. Oh the evening primrose oil definitely worked as I had ewcm. :thumbup: I've nothing to report though, the odd little twinge here and there but I had that last month.


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## Andypanda6570

Yes I am feeling better, but now it is weird I have not ovulated yet and it is count day 15 :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko: I just don't understand last month I ovulated on CD 12 into 13? This ovulation tracking is very weird..
Love You All XOXOXOX:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


----------



## blav

Nikki_d72 said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> I don't know where I should ask this so I'll just shoot....
> 
> So, Saturday will make four weeks since we lost Mateo...bleeding after birth lasted about 2 weeks. The last couple day my uterus area (what else would this be called...lower abdomen, haha???) has been kind of crampy/bloated. Today I went to the bathroom and noticed a pinkish/creamish discharge. Could this be the start of a period? I'm hoping tomorrow it will really look like a period but right now its almost clearish/cream/very light pink and globby. What was everyone's first period like?
> 
> It could be, but with those timescales, could it be an ovulation bleed? I only had this the once, and it was the month we concieved the boys, but it was like EWCM mixed with pinkish stuff, it only lasted a few hours or a day and then was gone. Either that or it could just be a bit of leftover stuff, but the bloating would tend to lead me towards thinking of ovulation. HTH, we are all different though... xxxClick to expand...

It seems like it may just be ovulation as it has stopped today. Since my doctor recommended we wait until my second normal period to try, no trying for us yet. But I've never wanted my period so much ever! :dohh: Period dance anyone???


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## Andypanda6570

blav said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> blav said:
> 
> 
> I don't know where I should ask this so I'll just shoot....
> 
> So, Saturday will make four weeks since we lost Mateo...bleeding after birth lasted about 2 weeks. The last couple day my uterus area (what else would this be called...lower abdomen, haha???) has been kind of crampy/bloated. Today I went to the bathroom and noticed a pinkish/creamish discharge. Could this be the start of a period? I'm hoping tomorrow it will really look like a period but right now its almost clearish/cream/very light pink and globby. What was everyone's first period like?
> 
> It could be, but with those timescales, could it be an ovulation bleed? I only had this the once, and it was the month we concieved the boys, but it was like EWCM mixed with pinkish stuff, it only lasted a few hours or a day and then was gone. Either that or it could just be a bit of leftover stuff, but the bloating would tend to lead me towards thinking of ovulation. HTH, we are all different though... xxxClick to expand...
> 
> It seems like it may just be ovulation as it has stopped today. Since my doctor recommended we wait until my second normal period to try, no trying for us yet. But I've never wanted my period so much ever! :dohh: Period dance anyone???Click to expand...

LOL :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: did that help??
xoxoxooxox:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## blav

Andypanda6570 said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> blav said:
> 
> 
> I don't know where I should ask this so I'll just shoot....
> 
> So, Saturday will make four weeks since we lost Mateo...bleeding after birth lasted about 2 weeks. The last couple day my uterus area (what else would this be called...lower abdomen, haha???) has been kind of crampy/bloated. Today I went to the bathroom and noticed a pinkish/creamish discharge. Could this be the start of a period? I'm hoping tomorrow it will really look like a period but right now its almost clearish/cream/very light pink and globby. What was everyone's first period like?
> 
> It could be, but with those timescales, could it be an ovulation bleed? I only had this the once, and it was the month we concieved the boys, but it was like EWCM mixed with pinkish stuff, it only lasted a few hours or a day and then was gone. Either that or it could just be a bit of leftover stuff, but the bloating would tend to lead me towards thinking of ovulation. HTH, we are all different though... xxxClick to expand...
> 
> It seems like it may just be ovulation as it has stopped today. Since my doctor recommended we wait until my second normal period to try, no trying for us yet. But I've never wanted my period so much ever! :dohh: Period dance anyone???Click to expand...
> 
> LOL :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: did that help??
> xoxoxooxox:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Hahahaha, thanks :flower: Perhaps we'll see if it worked later today! 

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## rossyrozela

Hi Nat

Thanks so much for starting this thread,and congratulations ,you will be fine try to relax,i know its hard but please try,i lost my baby at 20 weeks that was in october the 20th,iam also desperate to get pregannt,iam scared to ttc and i think i will just go with the flow,i have 3 boys already and i just want one more,iam not trying to replace my loss and i will never do .the pain of losing my baby is here to stay,i feel it everyday.
i can understand when you say that you are scared and worried,i would be but gain even with normal and healthy pregnancy you still worry about it.
Congratulations once again and you did get pregnnat pretty quick,good luck with it and keep us posted,


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## kiki04

Andypanda6570 said:


> Yes I am feeling better, but now it is weird I have not ovulated yet and it is count day 15 :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko: I just don't understand last month I ovulated on CD 12 into 13? This ovulation tracking is very weird..
> Love You All XOXOXOX:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

Maybe it is a good sign ;) Your O waited it out til you and hubby were feeling better :happydance:


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## jennijunni

I hope all the US'ers had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I am trying to remember everyones names, so let me give it a go!!

Andrea- I tend to O later than day 14, but once in a while I will O early, so I just am always on watch!! LOL!! Wanna catch that egg!!

jojo- I hope you are feeling better! I hope you got everything looked at, and that all is well.

Nikki- I hope all is well with you as well!!

Kelly- I think your DH is just as scared as you to take the plunge, so to speak, so he is putting off some mixed signals. He cannot control losing another baby, and when we lost our DS in June, and I almost died, he was so scared to try again, which is very unlike him, because he had no control over the situation. But they do have control over finances, preventing and such. Give him some time. YOU need this, and he will have to come to terms so you can have peace, and heal. And even though we lost another baby in our 2nd trimester, the pregnancy did heal me like nothing else did. 

Blav- I think your PPAF is on her way. I had mine at 5 weeks. And I am hoping that this time I have it at 5ish weeks as well. I am ready to get my body back to normal.

Natalie, Mhairie, and Amanda, I am thinking of you. Those of you TTC I hope you get your BFP's soon.

As far as me, I have been holding it together okay to this point. I lost it last night, and almost physically kicked my sisters ass. Which is so not like me, but she just kept pushing, and pushing, and poking, and does not have empathy for others feelings, or why they should be feeling a certain way. This has been a hard week for me. Not only have I lost another baby in my 2nd trimester, it was also my due date with Judah last Thursday, so this Thanksgiving was going to be extra special. This is my absolute favorite holiday and it is my childrens favorite as well, and we should have been sharing it with a tiny newborn, but instead my arms and womb are empty. So it has been hard. But today will be a better day. I hope all of your wonderful ladies have a wonderful weekend!!! I am thinking of you all!! I hope I did not miss anyone, if so, I am sorry, I will get better! LOL!


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## dnlfinker

Hi jennijunii,

This is natalie, i think there is also nat on this forum. I sometimes write nat so that why its confusing. I want to clarify again since i got bfn. I actually waisted my last stick last night just could not hold it.now its day 28, so most likely i am out for this month. I might test one more time on monday if no af. For those that got bfp, on what day of cycle u found out?


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## Nikki_d72

Jennie, I really hope you have a better day today, but try not to expect too much from yourself hon, you've been through so so much. I feel for you US ladies having 2 holidays to get through in quick succession, we only have Christmas and I'm dreading it already. 

Lots of love to all, I've tested again this morning with FMU and BFN again, so I've definitely been kidding myself. I'm at the latest 14DPO and the earliest 12 so defo out this month. Off I go to sulk. 

To top it all off DH is being a total ar*e because he's stressed about his work situation, I'm pretty damn close to hopping on a plane back to Scotland with DD and to hell with everything.

Hope you are well... xx


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## yazoo

Andrea I think my ovulation day is different every month. Last month it was CD 17 and this it was CD 15. Lots of people assume that ovulation is the same every month and is around day 14 but thats just not the case. 

Nikki darlin- massive hugs. I hate that you got another BFN- why can't it just happen for us when we dtd around ovulation. It really makes you wonder how some people get pregnant so easily. I'm sorry about your hubby. It really must be hard for you being so far away from your friends and family. I am the other side of the country from mine (and Ireland's a small country) and I find it hard. I hope things work out for you. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Hi Rossyrozela & welcome- the person (Nat) who started this thread has moved on from here and has had her baby- we seem to have taken it over now. I'm sorry about the loss of your little one. 

Jennijunni- I hope you have a better day tomorrow. What you are feeling is absolutely normal. :hugs::hugs:


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## OliveBay

Hi all
I'm peeking into this thread in nervous excitement. Got :witch: at the moment but have never been so pleased to see her as my cycle seems pretty much back to normal now and I'm looking forward to TTC this month :winkwink:
Scary but exciting....


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## Andypanda6570

OliveBay said:


> Hi all
> I'm peeking into this thread in nervous excitement. Got :witch: at the moment but have never been so pleased to see her as my cycle seems pretty much back to normal now and I'm looking forward to TTC this month :winkwink:
> Scary but exciting....

SOOOOOoooooo excited for you..Just in case you don't know my name is Andrea..
XOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

yazoo said:


> Andrea I think my ovulation day is different every month. Last month it was CD 17 and this it was CD 15. Lots of people assume that ovulation is the same every month and is around day 14 but thats just not the case.
> 
> Nikki darlin- massive hugs. I hate that you got another BFN- why can't it just happen for us when we dtd around ovulation. It really makes you wonder how some people get pregnant so easily. I'm sorry about your hubby. It really must be hard for you being so far away from your friends and family. I am the other side of the country from mine (and Ireland's a small country) and I find it hard. I hope things work out for you. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Hi Rossyrozela & welcome- the person (Nat) who started this thread has moved on from here and has had her baby- we seem to have taken it over now. I'm sorry about the loss of your little one.
> 
> Jennijunni- I hope you have a better day tomorrow. What you are feeling is absolutely normal. :hugs::hugs:

Thanks Tanya. It is hard to be so far away really, especially in times like these. 

I used to live in Galway City for 3 years, had a fab time. I only left there to come travelling and ended up hooking up with DH when we were in NZ. I'm used to living a bit away from family but we still saw each other then quite a bit and half of my friends were with me there too so it was different. Where abouts are you in Ireland? (if you're comfortable sharing that online, don't worry if you're not)

As for DH - I think everything has just got on top of him at once, it seems everything is crumbling around our ears, all our hopes and dreams are going to the dogs. We even had a swarm of bees at the house yesterday and I have to confess I looked up to the sky and yelled "what's next, plagues of bloody locusts??!" I feel that we are at the centre of some horrible cosmic joke right now, everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong for us.

I'm just fed up as I can't be the one who reassures and holds it all together any more. I need someone to prop me up for a change, I don't need the extra stress of trying to calm him down.

Anyway, sorry for the rant, thanks for the kind words. xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Olivebay, can't wait for you to join us hon, here's hoping AF is over quickly for you and you can get on the rollercoaster! xxx


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## yazoo

Just sent u a PM Nikki. :thumbup:

Hi Olivebay- welcome. Your right it is exciting but very very scary. :hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hi Everyone!!!

I''ve been gone for a few days, with THanksgiving, I've had a house full of family and friends so internet time for me..which means no BnB :dohh: I have withdrawls! LOL :blush:

Hope everyone is fine, it seems like lots of chatting has been happening and I can't go back and read all at the moment... I'll be back in the morning and catch up :winkwink:

Just wanted to mention .... Today marks 8 (life altering) months since Emma was born sleeping.... 8 months ....Wow!! Where does time go?? :shrug: I just realized tonight that on Christmas Day will mark 9 months... 25th is a nasty number now.... 

I'm actually holding myself together, no one even knows what today is.... :shrug: BUT had to log in and say HI and let my friends know what today means .... :hugs:

You girls mean SO much to me .... Hope everyone is well!!! :hugs:

Oh, I'm about 8-9 dpo ... I haven't tested... THink I'm too terrified to.... Trying to just hold out :blush:


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## blav

OliveBay said:


> Hi all
> I'm peeking into this thread in nervous excitement. Got :witch: at the moment but have never been so pleased to see her as my cycle seems pretty much back to normal now and I'm looking forward to TTC this month :winkwink:
> Scary but exciting....

I'm so happy for you!!!! I'm waiting for my first period to arrive and hope she comes soon...although OH and I had unprotected sex tonight so hopefully that doesn't mess with anything. As much as I would love to be fertile right now and have something happen, I just want to make sure everything is perfect. My doctor wants to put me on antibiotics when we try again.

But gah!!! I'm excited for you OliveBay :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## OliveBay

Isn't it amazing how quickly you can move from thinking "I don't know how anyone can ever want to get pregnant again after losing a baby" to "I want to be pregnant again NOW"?!! I feel so impatient!! :dohh:


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Andrea I think my ovulation day is different every month. Last month it was CD 17 and this it was CD 15. Lots of people assume that ovulation is the same every month and is around day 14 but thats just not the case.
> 
> Nikki darlin- massive hugs. I hate that you got another BFN- why can't it just happen for us when we dtd around ovulation. It really makes you wonder how some people get pregnant so easily. I'm sorry about your hubby. It really must be hard for you being so far away from your friends and family. I am the other side of the country from mine (and Ireland's a small country) and I find it hard. I hope things work out for you. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Hi Rossyrozela & welcome- the person (Nat) who started this thread has moved on from here and has had her baby- we seem to have taken it over now. I'm sorry about the loss of your little one.
> 
> Jennijunni- I hope you have a better day tomorrow. What you are feeling is absolutely normal. :hugs::hugs:

Yes I just got my positive smilie face last night ( Friday) so that means tonight (Saturday) into Sunday I will ovulate which will male me CD 16 and 17 :wacko::wacko::wacko:
really freaky... :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


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## blav

OliveBay said:


> Isn't it amazing how quickly you can move from thinking "I don't know how anyone can ever want to get pregnant again after losing a baby" to "I want to be pregnant again NOW"?!! I feel so impatient!! :dohh:

Yes! I know exactly how you feel. It's such a crazy whirlwind of emotions. My "best friend" actually said something about us trying again so soon and I just thought you know, you have absolutely no idea what I went through or am going through now so close your lips!


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## kiki04

I never O the same day. It varies from cd17-cd21 :shrug: Average is 17-19


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## Hellylou

Hi all 

Hope everyone is well - I'm getting horribly impatient to start TTC, so I will just watch you lot and try not to pounce on OH.:wacko: Now my cycles are looking so much more normal, it's so difficult to just watch them go by and feel the month is wasted, if that makes sense...I daren't even raise the subject with OH yet, as he's only just coming round to the idea at all!

Mhairi, Amanda, Hayley, Erica, and all those cooking rainbows, I hope you're all doing well x

Nikki - sorry to hear things are stressful at the moment.:hugs: I really hope it picks up soon and you get the best christmas present ever x

Olivebay - welcome and here's to your first month of TTC - best of luck x

Kelly - those month markers are so hard, I didn't know it was the 25th for you, so christmas day...:cry: I am keeping EVERYTHING crossed for this month for you xxxx :hugs::winkwink:

Andy - will this be your month, or are you out because of the illness? I forget :blush: I am hoping for you anyway, and sending hugs as always xxx

:dust:


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## KamIAm

:winkwink: Andrea....... You better get a makin' a baby!! :winkwink:

:sex::sex::sex::sex:


:dust::dust::dust::dust:

FX'd!!!! Xoxo


----------



## MummyStobe

Andypanda6570 said:


> Yes I just got my positive smilie face last night ( Friday) so that means tonight (Saturday) into Sunday I will ovulate which will male me CD 16 and 17 :wacko::wacko::wacko:
> really freaky... :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

Yeah Andrea :happydance::happydance: your body was waiting for you to get better so that you didn't miss your chance this month. Get at it huni :sex: let the :spermy: find your egg :happydance::happydance:

Fxd for you and sending lots of :dust:


----------



## MummyStobe

OliveBay said:


> Hi all
> I'm peeking into this thread in nervous excitement. Got :witch: at the moment but have never been so pleased to see her as my cycle seems pretty much back to normal now and I'm looking forward to TTC this month :winkwink:
> Scary but exciting....

I know that feeling, I was so excited when the :witch: first got me and I could start tracking my cycles again.

Good luck with the TTC sending lots of :dust:


----------



## MummyStobe

blav said:


> Yes! I know exactly how you feel. It's such a crazy whirlwind of emotions. My "best friend" actually said something about us trying again so soon and I just thought you know, you have absolutely no idea what I went through or am going through now so close your lips!

I actually told a little white lie to one of my friends about us starting to ttc again. 

_ A bit of history; she's the only one in our group of friends with a child and pretty much ever since her daughter was born (nearly 2 years ago now) she had been asking me when we were going to start trying (we weren't even married at the time!) Every time I saw her or she text me she'd ask me if I was pregnant and it was starting to really annoy me so much so that when I did find out I was pregnant with Max I didn't want to tell her straight away._ 

So I knew that if she found out that we had started to ttc again she would be on my back about it all the time and i didn't want any additional pressure from her. 

We were all out for a meal the other week and I could tell she wanted to ask me but didn't want to seem insensitive so didn't ask me directly but whilst talking to our other friend who is getting married in June and who I am a bridesmaid for, she asked about the bridesmaid dresses and made some little comment along the lines of "will the style hide any possible baby bump" and glanced at me as she said it. I jumped in and said "it won't need to, chances are there won't be a bump". She looked really shocked and asked me why not. I replied saying that we weren't ready and we couldn't risk going through the pain if it were to happen to us again. She couldn't believe it. I'm sure her jaw nearly hit the table.

It may have been a lie and I felt a little bit bad for telling it at the time but when I look back and think about it I'm so glad that I did. It may not have been how we were really feeling but only 3 months down the line it could have been and if it had, her response wouldn't have been very well received.

What does it matter to anyone else when anyone who has suffered a loss decides to ttc again. Surely it is down to the couple in question and no one else has the right to judge!

Sorry for the rant but thinking about this particular friend really winds me up.
x

And as you can probably guess, she doesn't know that I'm pregnant again!!


----------



## MummyStobe

He he I've only just noticed the new 'multi -quote' button at the bottom of the page :dohh: oh well you'll just have to make do with my multi-posts instead :haha:

How is everyone doing? I have been around stalking the thread but haven't really had the time to post over the past week or so.

I see a couple of newbies have joined us in the crazy world of ttc. Welcome to everyone. I'm Hayley by the way, pleased to meet you all. 

I hope all of the USA ladies had a good thanksgiving and the holidays were gentle on you all.

Kelly  I think your man may just need some time. I agree with the other comments that if a man cant control something then he isnt happy about it. I know that Mark didnt really want to ttc again so soon but he agreed for me when I fell to pieces in front of his eyes as those words Im not ready yet passed his lips. Part of me feels a bit guilty and that I have forced him in to it but I learnt a long time ago that until he crosses the point of no return he will try to back out of things but once hes over that line then he is absolutely fine. I'm also very proud of you for not going poas-crazy yet. 

Nikki  sorry that you got a bfn. Dont give up hope yet, weve all said it before and Im sure it will get said again but its not over until the :witch: shows her ugly face. Sorry that youre having a tough time in general at the moment too. Keep your chin up hun, were all here to help you through and dont forget, what doesnt kill us, makes us stronger. And if it turns out that this month isnt your month and your DH does end up working away then it is still possible to conceive. Dont forget that those little :spermy: are stronger than we give credit for and can survive for up to a week so youll just have to make sure you get plenty of :sex: in the few days before DH goes away and straight back on it when he gets back. We actually conceived Max the month that Mark was working away in Scotland and was only home at weekends so it can be done.

Tanya  yay for EWCM :happydance:

Helen  Im pleased your DH has started to come round to the idea of ttc again. Its a great step forward for you both

Mhairi and Amanda  how are you both doing? Still feeling sick and tired I hope.

Erica  I cant believe that you are nearly at 12 weeks already. That seems to have flown by. Hope the next 6 weeks go that fast for me.

AFM Im still dashing off to the bathroom at every opportunity to check that Im not bleeding. I keep having little pep talks with myself but they dont do any good :haha: but Id rather worry that Im bleeding to find out that Im not than the other way round.
Still waiting on a date for my early scan, will feel so much happier once Ive had that reassurance.
Im still feeling majorly nauseous but I havent actually been sick yet but I do seem to have diarrhoea instead :blush: (sorry tmi) suppose it beats feeling constipated and bloated all the time :haha:
Ive been off work on holiday this week so had plenty of chances to rest and sleep, not looking forward to Monday, Ill be flagging by lunchtime.

Sorry if Ive missed anyone out - Im going to have to make a list to keep track of everyone.

Sending, love hugs and lost of :dust: to everyone.

Love you all xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Just checking in quickly from my phone so haven't had a chance to read back hope everyone is well :hugs:

Just more moaning from me :p I am feeling so ill my throat is so raw from throwing up I can't even keep water down and that's with anti sickness tablets :cry: not having a fun time but just hoping it's a good sign of a strong rainbow! 

3 more sleeps till scan :happydance:

Will catch up tomorrow xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:


----------



## Hellylou

MummyStobe said:


> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:

Don't panic! It's most likely late release of some implantation bleeding - brown blood is old, so it's ok. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

MummyStobe said:


> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:

Hayley don't panic hun. Brown blood is just old blood and is probably just somthing seeping down from your last period or as hellylou said something left over from implantation. I know its hard not to panic hun but everything will be ok. If you :sex: recently it could be something to do with that either. Hope your ok. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Amanda- ugh. I'm sorry your feeling so sick hun. xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

yazoo said:


> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:
> 
> Hayley don't panic hun. Brown blood is just old blood and is probably just somthing seeping down from your last period or as hellylou said something left over from implantation. I know its hard not to panic hun but everything will be ok. If you :sex: recently it could be something to do with that either. Hope your ok. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Amanda- ugh. I'm sorry your feeling so sick hun. xxxClick to expand...




Hellylou said:


> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:
> 
> Don't panic! It's most likely late release of some implantation bleeding - brown blood is old, so it's ok. :hugs::hugs:Click to expand...


I really hope you're right. Brown bleeding has always been the start of the end for me so it's hard not to think the worst. Had nothing since and nothing when wiping so fx'd crossed it stops. Going to chase the midwife for my early scan date on Monday, really need some reassurance right now x


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> 
> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:
> 
> Hayley don't panic hun. Brown blood is just old blood and is probably just somthing seeping down from your last period or as hellylou said something left over from implantation. I know its hard not to panic hun but everything will be ok. If you :sex: recently it could be something to do with that either. Hope your ok. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Amanda- ugh. I'm sorry your feeling so sick hun. xxxClick to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:Click to expand...
> 
> Don't panic! It's most likely late release of some implantation bleeding - brown blood is old, so it's ok. :hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I really hope you're right. Brown bleeding has always been the start of the end for me so it's hard not to think the worst. Had nothing since and nothing when wiping so fx'd crossed it stops. Going to chase the midwife for my early scan date on Monday, really need some reassurance right now xClick to expand...

Oh Hayley I know how terrified you must be, please try not to think the worst it's very common at this stage. I know you will though, so just get onto the midwife first thing Monday, hopefully with your history you will get a scan even if it's only for your own reassurance. I guess just try to keep yourself distracted till then, easier said than done though i know. Lots of love xxxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Hayley, everything X'd for you hon, I'm sure it's nothing but I hope you get a scan just to reassure you. I hope you can distract yourself enough not to go crazy over the weekend. xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Kelly, I'm sorry I wasn't on till now and missed your special day hon. I hope it wasn't too rough on you and I'll be thinking of you on Christmas day, it's gonna be hard for you I know.

Amanda, so sorry you are getting sick - it is a good sign but I hope it doesn't stay so extreme for too long. Can you get any different medication? 

Things are a little better at home, DH has calmed down, he was just really really stressed and everything got on top of him, he's apologised. It looks like he may only be away for a few months anyway so that's better, We thought it was looking like a couple of years there. 

Still no AF for me, but I'm only on CD27, I'm usually a 28day girl but I thought I was 15DPO today so I'm a bit lost. Had strong cramps last night so think the witch is on her way anyway and a test should have showed up by yesterday and it didn't. 

I hope everyone else is OK, sorry there's a lot to catch up on so sorry if I've missed lots. I've promised DD a cinema trip so I need to go now and do that. 

Speak to you all later! xxx


----------



## blav

MummyStobe said:


> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:

I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about, try not to think about it too much :hugs:

Although, I know it doesn't matter how many people tell you not to worry, you still will! Keep us posted!


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> Panicking - just been to the bathroom and noticed a streak of brown blood on my panty liner :nope:
> 
> Don't panic! It's most likely late release of some implantation bleeding - brown blood is old, so it's ok. :hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

I agree don't panic that is the worst thing you can do . You are going to be fine and give the doc a call on Monday or Sunday and see what he says..I,know you are ok..xoxoox:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jojo23

hi girls im so sorry havent been on, have been so crazy in work i literally crashed every evening!! how is everyone keeping...i know its late but happy thanksgiving to all in america!... nothin new with me really feeling a littler better every day so think im past the crazy sickness stage although im still only 10 weeks. just feeling a little queasy at certain smells etc.... i have a terrible head cold at the moment so feeling a bit rotten today!

how is everyone on the baby making situation? xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Thanks for all your support. So far today everything is looking good, no sign of any more spotting and I've checked enough times!!

Hey Jojo, good to see you here again and that you're starting to come through the other side of m/s. It's beginning to kick in for me now, not actually thrown up yet but the neusea is getting worse but I know it's a good sign so trying not to complain too much xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Andypanda6570 said:


> Yes I am feeling better, but now it is weird I have not ovulated yet and it is count day 15 :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko: I just don't understand last month I ovulated on CD 12 into 13? This ovulation tracking is very weird..

Lots of things can delay O day - stress, sickness etc of which you have had both this month :hugs: Its completly normal for it to move a few days - which is why testing for O is so important really - because you could have been BDing for O on the 13th day and been way too early this cycle! Hope you are busy :sex:!! :dust: to you! 

Nikki huge big hugs are coming your way hunny :hugs::hugs::hugs: It is so true what they say everything bad happens at once! Honestly this year feels like it has been never ending with bad luck for me and my family - I will be glad when its over! And hoping and praying the new year brings us both much better luck :hugs:



KamIAm said:


> Just wanted to mention .... Today marks 8 (life altering) months since Emma was born sleeping.... 8 months ....Wow!! Where does time go?? :shrug: I just realized tonight that on Christmas Day will mark 9 months... 25th is a nasty number now....
> 
> I'm actually holding myself together, no one even knows what today is.... :shrug: BUT had to log in and say HI and let my friends know what today means .... :hugs:

:hugs::hugs: The monthly markers are so hard, its hard to believe time is passing so quickly. And its not true that no-one notices - we do :hugs: Love you xxxx



OliveBay said:


> Isn't it amazing how quickly you can move from thinking "I don't know how anyone can ever want to get pregnant again after losing a baby" to "I want to be pregnant again NOW"?!! I feel so impatient!! :dohh:

Oh I get that completly! The day Emily was born I said to my OH I never wanted to go through anything like that again and if that meant not having children then so be it. A few days later all I could think about was TTC and finally having my take home baby :hugs: It will happen for you soon x



MummyStobe said:


> He he I've only just noticed the new 'multi -quote' button at the bottom of the page :dohh: oh well you'll just have to make do with my multi-posts instead :haha:

Hayley :hugs: I've just spotted the multi-quote and trying it out now! I'm glad there has been no more spotting for you - been thinking about you all night :hugs: Are you still going to try for that early scan? I think should get on to them :hugs:

:dust: to all that needs it and :hugs: & :kiss: for everyone


----------



## Hellylou

MummyStobe said:


> Thanks for all your support. So far today everything is looking good, no sign of any more spotting and I've checked enough times!!
> 
> Hey Jojo, good to see you here again and that you're starting to come through the other side of m/s. It's beginning to kick in for me now, not actually thrown up yet but the neusea is getting worse but I know it's a good sign so trying not to complain too much xx

So glad to hear this! :hugs::hugs:


----------



## jojo23

MummyStobe said:


> Thanks for all your support. So far today everything is looking good, no sign of any more spotting and I've checked enough times!!
> 
> Hey Jojo, good to see you here again and that you're starting to come through the other side of m/s. It's beginning to kick in for me now, not actually thrown up yet but the neusea is getting worse but I know it's a good sign so trying not to complain too much xx

hey hun glad to see your sick lol... in the best possible way of course! im still getting queasy and empty wretching at funny smells but no where near what i was:) tiredness is still pretty much taking over my life at the moment...are you exhausted? glad your spotting has stopped hun i reckon it was most likely old blood nothing to worry about xxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hayley, so glad it has stopped! More than nlikely just your little bean snuggling in a bit more a few days ago. xx

Amanda, thanks hon. I'll be glad when this year's over too - it started out so well and just imploded! My Mum's so full of ridiculous Scottish superstitions and rituals regarding Hogmanay (New Year's Eve for the non-Scottish) and she said one year her and my Dad had some terrible year so she was told to buy a newspaper on the last day of the year and burn it at the bells (midnight), toast a drink over it and say goodbye and good riddance to that year and here's to a new start! I usually scoff at all her daftness around hogmanay but I reckon I'll be giving it a shot this year!

Love to all, still no AF for me (CD28), should be tommorrow to Weds at the latest. xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Sounds like a plan for me too, Nikki. I am not superstitious, but actually I had a rotten New Year's Eve at the end of last year, and it was full of bad feeling and I don't think I welcomed the new one in well at all. And this year has been absolutely awful - not just for me but for a lot of my friends too. I have seen terrible illness, and a very recent diagnosis of ovarian cancer for a good friend of mine, which has knocked me for six, I am devestated. 

I will be making a big effort to make sure the New Year is welcomed in with open arms this time. I know it is probably a lot of nonsense, but after the year I have seen, it's the only thing I can cling on to.


----------



## MummyStobe

jojo23 said:


> hey hun glad to see your sick lol... in the best possible way of course! im still getting queasy and empty wretching at funny smells but no where near what i was:) tiredness is still pretty much taking over my life at the moment...are you exhausted? glad your spotting has stopped hun i reckon it was most likely old blood nothing to worry about xxxxxxx:hugs:

:sleep: Sleep is my best friend at the moment. Crashed out on the sofa at my in-laws this afternoon :haha: and I'm tucked up in bed already. :sleep:


----------



## yazoo

Hi Jo, I'm 6dpo so I guess we'll see in another week or not if all the baby making worked. :haha: I'm glad your not feeling too sick. Boo for the headcold though. Plenty of steaming should do the trick. 

Hayley I'm so happy that you have had no more spotting. Are you going to call the midwife today anyway? Oh the tiredness feeling in early pregnancy is a killer. I could have slept all the time. I remember coming home from work and crashing on the couch for an hour or so. 

Well girls as I've said I'm 6dpo and the symptom spotting has started. I have a question or you girls that chart. This cycle I have been setting my alarm for 6 am to take my temps but a few mornings I have woken up about 4 and gone back to sleep. I usually take my temp at 4 but then take it at 6 again even though I haven't had the proper amount of sleep. Should I use the earlier one and adjust it?? I don't really know what to do. :shrug:


----------



## jennijunni

Hi girls!! I hope everyone is doing well. Hayley, I am thinking of you, I know how stressful it must have been to see any sort of bleeding. Unfortunately we have all lost our innocence when it comes to pregnancy, and it is hard to NOT worry! But I am thinking of you and Jojo and all of the other TTC gals. Lots of prayers coming your way!!

I hope we see a BFP this month for someone here!! My DH is ready to start TTC, but my guess is around January, or Feb, we will take the plunge, so to speak. I am nervous but excited. We will see what the future holds. Lots of love and prayers my nre friends.


----------



## MummyStobe

Just a quickie to let you know I've spoken to the midwife this morning and she's got me a scan tomorrow after I finish work. I'm relieved I don't need an excuse for my colleagues because I don't want them to find out yet. Pleased I'm going to be getting checked out but terrified they won't find a heartbeat.


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> Just a quickie to let you know I've spoken to the midwife this morning and she's got me a scan tomorrow after I finish work. I'm relieved I don't need an excuse for my colleagues because I don't want them to find out yet. Pleased I'm going to be getting checked out but terrified they won't find a heartbeat.

Really glad you have had no more bleeding, and they are taking you seriously and giving you a scan. I've seen my baby's heartbeat but now I am paranoid something will be wrong at the next scan, I think it's just going to be like this till baby is born, living in a state of constant worry. Good luck tomorrow make sure you get a pic :)
:hugs: xx


----------



## KamIAm

Hayley, I'm just now logging in and seen you had a bit of a scare over the weekend.... I am sooo glad you are going in tomorrow for a scan, even if it's just to rest your mind :hugs: I've always heard brown blood is old blood BUT I know how our mind works... blood is blood .. I am more than sure when you go for your scan your lil one will be just fine hon :hugs:

Nikki ... Good grief, seems like I have been waiting forever to see how you turn out this month :winkwink: Haha ... I know I'm holding my breath... Have you been having any symptoms this time around?? I know I haven't, at all! So guess well see if my AF makes it ugle presence anytime from now thru Dec 1... If not here Dec 1, then I'm preg.. So, well see... I still haven't tested.. Think this month I'm too scared BUT man I really wanna! :blush::haha: Trying to hold out 

How is everyone else doing?? I have now glad for the Thanksgiving weekend to being over with, WHEW... I'm exhausted... Had a house full pretty much all weekend, guess that was a good thing, it kept my mind totally off the normal obsessing.. "How many DPO am I?" .. You know, those typical morning thoughts .. LOL :winkwink: 

Also I've been busy with OH.. He's surprised me by deciding and planning a vacation for us and all the kids...! Gonna finally get to sneak away for a week , well be leaving the day after Christmas!! :happydance: Countdown to the beach has began! :happydance:


----------



## jojo23

MummyStobe said:


> Just a quickie to let you know I've spoken to the midwife this morning and she's got me a scan tomorrow after I finish work. I'm relieved I don't need an excuse for my colleagues because I don't want them to find out yet. Pleased I'm going to be getting checked out but terrified they won't find a heartbeat.

Glad your getting checked out hun!! dont worry too much hun ill say a lil prayer for you tonight and be thinking of you xxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Hi ,

I am sorry i did not reply to all of you guys , we just came back yesterday.

Nikki how are you? I hope that your AFdidnt show this month . I think we are only days apart and you mentioned that you are waiting to find out.

MummyStobe, Amanda ,Hayley and everybody else who has their rainbow in the making: I am so glad that your little ones are giving you little signs to go by to let you all that that they are ok. I remember when I was pregnant , I was checking everyday to see if I have something so it would give me some kind of relief. For my first pregnancy , I bought a baby monitor so that I can check the heartbeat daily but to be honest, its not the best option because my daughter freaked me out twice.

Kelly: I am so happy that your husband is comming around and taht you guys are going away. It really does help to change the athmosphere once in a while.Perhaps there is even a bigger suprise behind the one that he told you about. YOur OH really cares about you and want to make it up to you. 


Yazoo ,Amanda, Nikki and Kelly: Good luck to you this months I think that three of you are in the waiting period. I know how frustrating it can get, crossing my fingers and praying for you!

As for me : I am on day 32 of the cycle with BFN and no signs of AF comming. 
I belive that its over for me this month because at this point BFP is very unlikely. ITs weird because on the day that I was suppose to get implantation I felt the twiching (maybe I imagine) so I was sure that I got it this month but I was proved wrong over and over again.


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hayley, so glad you're getting checked out, everything crossed for you hun.

Kelly, so glad you are getting away, that will be so good for you all. What a nice surprise. Hoping you have a celebration by then because your Af hasn't come, really hoping. 

Nat - wow, day 32, are your cycles usually as long as that? Lots of women don't get BFP's until way later, not sure why. It's not over till the witch appears hun, here's hoping!

AFM, the witch got me this morning which I pretty much knew as I was craving chocolate all day yesterday. Hmph. Ah well, no rainbow for me by due date now, wasn't meant to be I guess. I saw a great big lovely rainbow yesterday too and took it as a sign, I haven't seen one since the boys were born and they don't appear here very often but hey-ho. Way too much stress going on here I think to conceive anyhow. I think I might just forget about it for a while and try again in a couple of months, I can't handle this along with everything else that's happening with DH's work and all that. I'll probably change my mind come OV time though! Then again it might be nice to be able to get horribly drunk at Christmas so I might skip this month.

Hope you are all well....xxx


----------



## DueSeptember

KamIAm said:


> Hayley, I'm just now logging in and seen you had a bit of a scare over the weekend.... I am sooo glad you are going in tomorrow for a scan, even if it's just to rest your mind :hugs: I've always heard brown blood is old blood BUT I know how our mind works... blood is blood .. I am more than sure when you go for your scan your lil one will be just fine hon :hugs:
> 
> Nikki ... Good grief, seems like I have been waiting forever to see how you turn out this month :winkwink: Haha ... I know I'm holding my breath... Have you been having any symptoms this time around?? I know I haven't, at all! So guess well see if my AF makes it ugle presence anytime from now thru Dec 1... If not here Dec 1, then I'm preg.. So, well see... I still haven't tested.. Think this month I'm too scared BUT man I really wanna! :blush::haha: Trying to hold out
> 
> How is everyone else doing?? I have now glad for the Thanksgiving weekend to being over with, WHEW... I'm exhausted... Had a house full pretty much all weekend, guess that was a good thing, it kept my mind totally off the normal obsessing.. "How many DPO am I?" .. You know, those typical morning thoughts .. LOL :winkwink:
> 
> Also I've been busy with OH.. He's surprised me by deciding and planning a vacation for us and all the kids...! Gonna finally get to sneak away for a week , well be leaving the day after Christmas!! :happydance: Countdown to the beach has began! :happydance:

*WooHoo what Beach lol *


----------



## collie_crazy

Scan in one hour! So scared I've hardly slept all night :( On the other hand OH is still sound asleep and snoring!!


----------



## MummyStobe

Good luck Amanda will be thinking about you. Let us know how you get on.
I've got to get through the day before my scan, going to be worrying like mad as I had more brown bleeding first thing this morning. I'm preparing myself for it to be bad news.


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> Good luck Amanda will be thinking about you. Let us know how you get on.
> I've got to get through the day before my scan, going to be worrying like mad as I had more brown bleeding first thing this morning. I'm preparing myself for it to be bad news.

I'll have everything crossed for good news from you both today. Sorry you have had more bleeding Hayley, at least you will be in the right place today and hopefully they can put your mind at ease.
Love to you both xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Keeping everything crossed for you both today xxx:hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hope the scans go well..Love You All..XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Well girls as I've said I'm 6dpo and the symptom spotting has started. I have a question or you girls that chart. This cycle I have been setting my alarm for 6 am to take my temps but a few mornings I have woken up about 4 and gone back to sleep. I usually take my temp at 4 but then take it at 6 again even though I haven't had the proper amount of sleep. Should I use the earlier one and adjust it?? I don't really know what to do. :shrug:

I was having that problem when I was charting this time around, I think it was because I wasn't working and wasn't really sleeping well because I was so sad, I kept waking up at random times. I was using the earlier temp, and adjusting if necessary. I found that if I took the later one without enough sleep, it would usually spike high? 

But, I did kind of set myself a limit, usually my temps were taken 6-7, If I woke up any time after 4.45 ish I would say ok, I will take that temp, but, if it was much earlier, I would just take a second when I woke up, if that makes any sense!!!
I think the idea of it is, that you look for a general pattern in your numbers, rather than analysing every single reading. However, when in the 2WW I found I was over-analysing every single dip and rise, lol.
hope this didn't confuse too much!
x


----------



## Ellie10

Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining you. I lost my daughter Ellie at 19 weeks on 10th Aug 2011 and although it does get easier, it's never really far from your mind, is it? I have had a couple of IUI's (BFN) this year and one early m/c at 5wks and a chemical preg in June and we are trying naturally for now with the Clearblue Fertility Monitor until we manage to scrabble together enough money for our next IVF (our 3rd). Before losing Ellie I also had 2 early m/c so in total 4 losses and a chemical. Still not giving up though! The things we put ourselves through... 

I have joined ttc after m/c groups but a second tri loss is just so different to a 1st tri loss, especially physically so I've been looking for ladies who have been through this experience. I hope that doesn't sound patronising to anyone who has an early loss, I certainly don't mean it that way; have been there myself and I know how much it hurts, but giving birth to a baby who dies shortly after the birth (Ellie lived for 21 mins) brings a whole different set of physical issues and emotions to have to deal with, doesn't it?

Sorry I'm rambling on. Hope you are all well and hope to get to know you all better soon.

x


----------



## KamIAm

Ellie10 said:


> Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining you. I lost my daughter Ellie at 19 weeks on 10th Aug 2011 and although it does get easier, it's never really far from your mind, is it? I have had a couple of IUI's (BFN) this year and one early m/c at 5wks and a chemical preg in June and we are trying naturally for now with the Clearblue Fertility Monitor until we manage to scrabble together enough money for our next IVF (our 3rd). Before losing Ellie I also had 2 early m/c so in total 4 losses and a chemical. Still not giving up though! The things we put ourselves through...
> 
> I have joined ttc after m/c groups but a second tri loss is just so different to a 1st tri loss, especially physically so I've been looking for ladies who have been through this experience. I hope that doesn't sound patronising to anyone who has an early loss, I certainly don't mean it that way; have been there myself and I know how much it hurts, but giving birth to a baby who dies shortly after the birth (Ellie lived for 21 mins) brings a whole different set of physical issues and emotions to have to deal with, doesn't it?
> 
> Sorry I'm rambling on. Hope you are all well and hope to get to know you all better soon.
> 
> x


Welcome!!! :hugs:

I am terribly sorry for the loss of your lil Ellie... I also gave birth to my daughter Emma at 19 weeks, this past March, sooo 8 long months ago ... Wow, your lil one survived for 21 mins!! Oh My GOSH! That is amazing! She was a lil trooper, sounds a lot like her momma :hugs:

You are more than welcome here and I hope you find as much love and support as I do...:hugs:

Hate that someone else HAD to be thrown into this nightmare but I'm glad you found your way here ...

A new lil one in the gang .. :flower: Sending tons of loves and cuddles to Ellie:flower::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Ellie10 said:


> Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining you. I lost my daughter Ellie at 19 weeks on 10th Aug 2011 and although it does get easier, it's never really far from your mind, is it? I have had a couple of IUI's (BFN) this year and one early m/c at 5wks and a chemical preg in June and we are trying naturally for now with the Clearblue Fertility Monitor until we manage to scrabble together enough money for our next IVF (our 3rd). Before losing Ellie I also had 2 early m/c so in total 4 losses and a chemical. Still not giving up though! The things we put ourselves through...
> 
> I have joined ttc after m/c groups but a second tri loss is just so different to a 1st tri loss, especially physically so I've been looking for ladies who have been through this experience. I hope that doesn't sound patronising to anyone who has an early loss, I certainly don't mean it that way; have been there myself and I know how much it hurts, but giving birth to a baby who dies shortly after the birth (Ellie lived for 21 mins) brings a whole different set of physical issues and emotions to have to deal with, doesn't it?
> 
> Sorry I'm rambling on. Hope you are all well and hope to get to know you all better soon.
> 
> x

I am so deeply sorry for your loss of Ellie :cry::cry::cry:. I am so glad you are here joining us. My name is Andrea and the women here are amazing:hugs::hugs: I lost my Ava at 20 weeks, i gave birth to her in my home and we buried her on 3/11/2011 . Just now 9 months later am I getting the courage and the strength to try again..
XOXOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Oooo! Girls! I can NOT wait to hear ALL the GOOD news from your scans today!!!! Yay, you get to see lil one!! :happydance:

Nikki ..... babe, I am sorry ... I hate that for you!!! Stupid witch :growlmad: I am right along with ya... I am 12 dpo and I broke down and tested this morning and got a :bfn: BLAH .... I have been feeling kind of grouchy, and I too have been craving chocolate all day yesterday ... SO, Think she' s on her way for me as well ..... We're definately taking a break... I can't believe we've only been at this ttc stuff for 2 months , I don't see how others last longer... I'm beat.... Lots of additional ups and downs, like we don't have enough as it is huh ... So, I guess my OH decsion to take a break makes more sense to me (at the moment) .. Like Nikki said, once I get closer to O time, I might jump back to obsessing again, who knows... But I'm just trying to keep breathing and keep my head up and being very thankful with what all I am blessed with... Yea, all that crap ...LOL :haha:

Hope all is well!! All the rest of you sticky egg chasers, keep us posted... You know I obsess over y'alls progress as well hahahaha :wacko:

How are all our Rainbows doing?? Momma's feeling OK?? Rub the bump for me cuz I'm sending y'all some love!! :hugs:

Here in my lil slice of the world, we are expecting to see our first snow flurries ... I usually don't like snow, but for some reason, today I am .... I'm like a kid... Nose pressed up against the window watching and waiting...:blush: :flower: 

Loves and cuddles to all my friends and their lil ones ... :flower:


----------



## Hellylou

Kelly, you are such a ray of sunshine, you really are. I am so glad you are here.

Just had to say that :hugs:


----------



## Ellie10

Girls, thank you both so much for the lovely warm welcome! So sorry to hear about your losses, such pretty names Emma & Ava. Hopefully our girls will be playing up there somewhere together. It's a comforting thought...

It's sad that we have had to meet in such circumstances but I'm so glad I found you. I have struggled with guilt since losing Ellie because the hospital told us she would be stillborn so we decided not to see her after the birth as I thought it would just hurt too much. I was also still in shock and doped up on pethidine so hardly thinking clearly and will regret that decision for the rest of my life, because we only found out 2 days later that she had been born alive and lived for a short while. I was angry that the nurses didn't think we might have wanted to know she was alive at the time, as of course we would have changed our minds and wanted to hold her for the short time she had, but it also haunts me that she died in the next room without me or dh being with her as she passed. We received a formal apology from the hospital but that won't bring those precious minutes back. But, as you will agree, you have to try to find a way forward and here we are, back on the ttc nightmare!

I am currently on 7 dpo and a bit flummoxed because I started pink spotting earlier. Eek. This is my first month trying Agnus Castus and I'm thinking that if the bloody stuff has somehow shortened my LP instead of lengthening it I will kick myself around the house for dabbling in something I know nothing about! Would love to convince myself it's IB as I've had some slight cramps too, but in 5 pregnancies I've never had IB so I'm thinking it's unlikely and probably just the AC messing my cycle up. Every month my body loves to throw something new into the mix to keep me on my toes, it's so frustrating!

Where are you girls in your journey right now?

Hugs xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Hi Ellie's mum...so sorry for your loss. :hugs: How awful for you to have missed those precious minutes. It's such a traumatic experience, I think there are things we all wish we had done, but I think we all understand that at that time, in that dreadful situation, we are just doing what we can to get through it. 

I'm Helen, by the way, and I'm not exactly TTC yet. I am actually waiting to try in the new year after losing my little boy Thomas in September at 16 weeks, but I come in this thread just to wish everyone well and see how they are all doing on this rollercoaster ride. Here if you need to talk :hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Ellie10 said:


> Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining you. I lost my daughter Ellie at 19 weeks on 10th Aug 2011 and although it does get easier, it's never really far from your mind, is it? I have had a couple of IUI's (BFN) this year and one early m/c at 5wks and a chemical preg in June and we are trying naturally for now with the Clearblue Fertility Monitor until we manage to scrabble together enough money for our next IVF (our 3rd). Before losing Ellie I also had 2 early m/c so in total 4 losses and a chemical. Still not giving up though! The things we put ourselves through...
> 
> I have joined ttc after m/c groups but a second tri loss is just so different to a 1st tri loss, especially physically so I've been looking for ladies who have been through this experience. I hope that doesn't sound patronising to anyone who has an early loss, I certainly don't mean it that way; have been there myself and I know how much it hurts, but giving birth to a baby who dies shortly after the birth (Ellie lived for 21 mins) brings a whole different set of physical issues and emotions to have to deal with, doesn't it?
> 
> Sorry I'm rambling on. Hope you are all well and hope to get to know you all better soon.
> 
> x

Hiya...welcome, sorry you had to find your way here, but, we'll look after you :hugs:

I'm so sorry for your losses, you've had a hard time of it, but I'm glad you have found the strength to try for a little brother or sister for Ellie and your other angels.

I know what you mean about the second tri loss...it is very difficult to go through the birthing experience knowing that your child won't live, you get to meet them and have to say goodbye all at once, it's awful. I gave birth to twins in June, Eve died during birth, and Megan lived for 10 minutes.

This thread, and also this forum, is so supportive, I don't know where I would have been if I hadn't found this place. We are here for you, whatever you need or if you want to talk about anything.

good luck with TTC

xx


----------



## mhazzab

Ellie10 said:


> It's sad that we have had to meet in such circumstances but I'm so glad I found you. I have struggled with guilt since losing Ellie because the hospital told us she would be stillborn so we decided not to see her after the birth as I thought it would just hurt too much. I was also still in shock and doped up on pethidine so hardly thinking clearly and will regret that decision for the rest of my life, because we only found out 2 days later that she had been born alive and lived for a short while. I was angry that the nurses didn't think we might have wanted to know she was alive at the time, as of course we would have changed our minds and wanted to hold her for the short time she had, but it also haunts me that she died in the next room without me or dh being with her as she passed. We received a formal apology from the hospital but that won't bring those precious minutes back. But, as you will agree, you have to try to find a way forward and here we are, back on the ttc nightmare!

please don't feel guilty for this...a similar thing happened to me. We were just short of 24 weeks, so the doctors asked us if we wanted them to try to save our daughters, we said yes, to be honest, knowing what I know now, I probably wouldn't make the same decision again, but, we do the best we can at the time. As I said in my earlier post, Eve died during labour, but Megan was born breathing, she spent the 10 minutes that she lived being worked on by doctors...I wish I had just held her, and comforted her. After she died, the nurse brought them both over to me, and I asked her to take them away, I was off my face on the drugs and so upset, I couldn't bear to see them. I'll always regret that. but, as you say, we have to find a way forward.

xx


----------



## Ellie10

Hi Helen, thanks for the welcome and sorry to hear about your loss. It must still be so very raw for you. It does take time before you feel ready to jump back on the ttc bandwagon again, I almost felt disloyal at first but now, if I'm honest it's the only thing keeping me going! Which is ironic because it also drives me insane! You can now just have a lovely xmas and indulge in all the wine you want to before you start again in January x

Mhazzab - how awful for you to lose two precious babies at once. One is traumatic enough. God knows how you got through that. It must have been a nightmare watching doctors trying to save Megan but really what choice did you have? If you had said no, don't try to save her then you would probably be always wondering 'what if' and that might have been even worse. I found myself totally out of my depth at the birth, hadn't a clue what to do or think and it's so easy to have regrets with hindsight. I'm sure we all have them. I'm also sure Eve and Megan know just how loved they were and still are.

hugs to you both xx


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## KamIAm

Oh yea, this is a ttc thread isn't it ... :dohh: :haha: 

I think we have just turned it into a free for all... Just come and chat about EVERYTHING LOL ... Such great company in here, why not:thumbup:

We ALL live with regrets from those fateful days... I'm sure each and everyone of us do SO that is where the rest of us come in.... We all lift each other up, just listen, send loves, and wonderful encouraging words .... This is the place where, yes, we HAVE been there... No judgement, always comfort .. :hugs:

I honestly don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for all the wonderful friends I've made on this site.... I'd be COO COO COO COO :wacko: haha

Wow, to think of some of you girls lil ones was born and stayed for a short time... Precious :kiss: What lil troopers .... I am in Awe of their strength as well as their mom's ... :hugs: 

Ugh, I already forgotten your username (sorry) but Ellie's mom... We all are in different phases of ttc... Some here aren't ttc yet, some are ttc NOWWWW, and others are carrying precious cargo... RAINBOWS!! ... Me and my OH decided to ttc so this was our 2nd month, but think now, if I don't get a positive test in the next few days, we are gonna wait a bit... I'm 12 dpo , peed on a stick this morning and got a NOPE :nope: Sooo, thinking I'm probably out this month...

Can't wait to hear who gets the BFP this month!!!! :happydance: I'm excited!!!


----------



## Ellie10

Kam, I got stark-white BFN's with my first preg at 15 dpo (not even a crappy evap to obsess over!) and then BFP next day when I was two days late, so you just never know. Hang in there!
x


----------



## mhazzab

thanks for your kind words Ellie's mum...I'm Mhairi , by the way !

Kelly, as you are always asking for rainbow updates...my little monkey is causing lots of trouble...I've been so nauseous and tired and very emotional. 

And, this is going to sound crayzeeeeee! but, I swear I felt him move yesterday. I know it's early, but, it's a feeling you just know when you have felt it before. It made me so happy...I don't care who says its too early, I've decided it was him just telling me he's ok. (I've decided it's a boy by the way as I've been feeling so ill, worse than with the twins. No doubt I am probably wrong again, I guessed boys last time.)

20 days till my 12 weeks scan....not that I am counting

I hope we get some more BFP news soon, and some good news from today's scans :hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

I am deeply sorry about your little girl Ellie .Everbody here is so friendly and loving, I hope that you can find a strength in you to stay and we will support you in every way that we can! I am sending you lots of :hugs:


Kelly, I too tested this morning and got a BFN so I am def out this month. The only think I am not sure is why I am on Cycle day 33 and the ugly red head has not stuck her head out! My ovulation monitor has officially went kuku, it was asking me for a stick and says Cycle day 15 ( Tick tak tick tak bum bum ku ku). I am starting to think that maybe because when bathed it(lol) and it showed that I ovulated , I really didnt and got everything wrong this month. 

I have OBGYN appt today but I dont feel like even going. Its a new one that Andrea has told me about, but I dont think she will tell me something new. Somebody on this forum mentioned before that they generally just dont check blood , but for me its the only way to know what is going on. 

Sorry for the long post

Natalie


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## kiki04

Well I am about to ovulate, as in expecting my +OPK tomorrow but because of these meds I am on... I cant risk it this month :(


----------



## MummyStobe

:happydance: after building myself up for bad news we've got a healthly little heartbeat :happydance: 

She could only find it with an internal scan but don't think my tilted uterus helped.

We're measuring 6 weeks and 3 days and I got a picture without even asking for it and they're going to scan me again in 2 weeks time. 

Feeling so relieved right now.

Will reply to all today's goings on when I get home, just off to share the news with the in-laws xx


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## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> :happydance: after building myself up for bad news we've got a healthly little heartbeat :happydance:
> 
> She could only find it with an internal scan but don't think my tilted uterus helped.
> 
> We're measuring 6 weeks and 3 days and I got a picture without even asking for it and they're going to scan me again in 2 weeks time.
> 
> Feeling so relieved right now.
> 
> Will reply to all today's goings on when I get home, just off to share the news with the in-laws xx

Wow Hayley that's fantastic! Yay for the photo too! I also had to have an internal, I was completely panicking when they didn't find anything by belly first.
And another scan in two weeks, that's great. Did they say anything about the blood?
Hugs xx


----------



## kiki04

OMG Hayley!! I'm so happy for you!!! :happydance: 

:hugs: :hugs:


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## dnlfinker

THank God Hayley, there is no better news then great news!


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## Andypanda6570

MummyStobe said:


> :happydance: after building myself up for bad news we've got a healthly little heartbeat :happydance:
> 
> She could only find it with an internal scan but don't think my tilted uterus helped.
> 
> We're measuring 6 weeks and 3 days and I got a picture without even asking for it and they're going to scan me again in 2 weeks time.
> 
> Feeling so relieved right now.
> 
> Will reply to all today's goings on when I get home, just off to share the news with the in-laws xx

I am SOOOOoooooooooooooooooo happy to read this... Congrats :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> I am deeply sorry about your little girl Ellie .Everbody here is so friendly and loving, I hope that you can find a strength in you to stay and we will support you in every way that we can! I am sending you lots of :hugs:
> 
> 
> Kelly, I too tested this morning and got a BFN so I am def out this month. The only think I am not sure is why I am on Cycle day 33 and the ugly red head has not stuck her head out! My ovulation monitor has officially went kuku, it was asking me for a stick and says Cycle day 15 ( Tick tak tick tak bum bum ku ku). I am starting to think that maybe because when bathed it(lol) and it showed that I ovulated , I really didnt and got everything wrong this month.
> 
> I have OBGYN appt today but I dont feel like even going. Its a new one that Andrea has told me about, but I dont think she will tell me something new. Somebody on this forum mentioned before that they generally just dont check blood , but for me its the only way to know what is going on.
> 
> Sorry for the long post
> 
> Natalie

Nat,
Please go try this doctor and see what happens, is it Dr Roth or Herzog or Coch? They are both excellent .I just want you to be ok my sweet friend :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Hellylou

So relieved to hear this, Hayley! I was thinking of you today xxxx:happydance:


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## OliveBay

Wow this has been a busy thread today! I've been a bit quiet on here the last few days as I've not had much to say (still just waiting for :witch: to pack her bags and leave), but am just popping in to make sure you don't think I've disappeared!

I just wanted to say hi to Ellie10. So sorry to hear your story. I lost my little boy at 22 weeks just over 2 months ago. I'm now hovering here in anticipation of TTC in the next couple of weeks.

Also, lovely to hear your scan went well Hayley - its so nice to hear good news


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## Ellie10

Hayley, obviously I am new to the group but just wanted to say congratulations on seeing your little heartbeat today - such a wonderful thing when you have been through a loss. Also, our lost babies share a birthday on 10th August, sad coincidence but I am always so happy to hear of rainbow babies for people like us. Wishing you the healthiest and happiest pregnancy! xxx

Olive, thank you and so sorry you lost your special little man such a short time ago. I'm very impressed that you feel strong enough to start trying for that rainbow so soon. It's a massive step forward but also a difficult one. My initial reaction (before I'd even left hospital) was that I needed to be pregnant again straight away but unfortunately due to lack of aftercare I wasn't able to try again as quickly as I wanted to. I do think ttc does help to distract you from the pain though, as well as giving you a focus for the future, and that can only be a good thing. Fingers crossed for a good, strong eggy in the next few weeks! xxx


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## Nikki_d72

MummyStobe said:


> :happydance: after building myself up for bad news we've got a healthly little heartbeat :happydance:
> 
> She could only find it with an internal scan but don't think my tilted uterus helped.
> 
> We're measuring 6 weeks and 3 days and I got a picture without even asking for it and they're going to scan me again in 2 weeks time.
> 
> Feeling so relieved right now.
> 
> Will reply to all today's goings on when I get home, just off to share the news with the in-laws xx

Yay! So, so happy to hear this Hayley! Good you got a picture too. 

Welcome, Ellies mum. I'm sorry you have to join us here though but I hope we can all support you on your journey. I'm so sorry for the loss of wee Ellie, what a lovely name, thanks for sharing her with us. 

I lost my twin boys on 31st July this year after the waters breaking on the first twin 6 days prior. We all have regrets, no matter what you had done you would still find something so please try not to focus on it. Easier said than done I know. 

My first twin, Ethan, passed in labour but my second boy, Hayden was born in the caul and though I asked if he was alive the Ob said she didn't think so, so we let her take the first twin back to wrap his brother with him and they took ages to pass them back. Since then DH has admitted that he was pretty sure he could see a HB and I saw movement but didn't tell him as I didn't want to upset him more (which I now think was him giving up his fight). So my biggest regret is that I didn't put him skin to skin on me and stop wailing in his ear, the poor wee love and let him go in peace, but I'd been led to believe he'd already passed. like I say we all have regrets, that's mine. That and the fact that I denied to myself I was in labour because I didn't want to let them go so probably caused more suffering for them. 

I hope you can find peace, Ellie will know how loved she was and is no matter what. 

xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Kelly, you're not out till she shows, really hoping for you hun xx

Hope everyone else is well, will check back later and chat properly...


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## ericacaca

Hi there again ladies. Really sorry I've not been around lately. Things have been madness! I hope all is ok with you all. :hugs:

Amanda - did you have your scan today? How did it go?

We have our scan tomorrow. And I'm terrified. I know I shouldnt be, I still have the sickness and sore boobs symptoms so hormones must still be on overdrive. But I can't help but remember the last time we had an ultrasound and we saw our first baby girl not alive anymore! I get emotional right now even thinking about walking into the sonographer's room tomorrow afternoon! Argh! Sorry girls - I know I should be enjoying this pregnancy and happy that I am pregnant again. And I am so happy. But its just so stressful at times - losing Baby has just made all the sparkle about having this little one in me not be as sparkley and I hate it! 

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow

Erica xxx


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## ericacaca

Aw and on a really happy note Lily Allen has had a baby! After 2 miscarriages... one at 6 months she has her rainbow baby now! Really happy for her! :hugs:


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## yazoo

Thanks for your reply Mhairi re charting. I'm the the 2ww now and I haven't had a dip and I'm think ok not pregnant. lol. Its crazy. 

Welcome Ellie's Mom- I'm so sorry about the loss of your precious baby girl and for your other losses. You are such a strong brave woman for not giving up. Fair play to you. It will happen for you. Ellie was a strong little girl living for that long. Wow. Please don't feel guilty about choosing now to see Ellie, The staff really should have told you that she was born alive though. I lost my little boy at 22 weeks the day after Ellie was born. My name is tanya by the way. 

Oh Nikki I hate that the witch got you. Massive hugs hun. :nope: 

Hey Kelly- wooo for snow. :thumbup: I am 8dpo- no symptoms really. Few wee twinges here and there but I get that every month. I'm not holding out much hope to be honest. :nope: We really have turned this thread into a free for all but there really isn't anywhere else we can talk which is a shame because other angel Mommies who aren't ttc or pregnant may feel that they can't join us here. 

Mhairi- I really hate when people say "it couldn't be baby moving" when you absolutely know yourself the feeling. Who is to say when people feel their little babies flipping around for the first time. Everyone is different. I'm so happy you felt it. Its such an amazing feeling. I felt Jakob very early on too and from 15 weeks I could feel the movement getting stronger. The downside of that was when I didn't feel him for a day or so I was panicking like hell. 

Nat I'm sorry about your BFN. :nope: I hope you get some answers from an OB/GYN. I have been doing alot of research and I think it is awful that women are not screened for blooding clotting disorders, thyroid problems etc before they get pregnant. The cost of the test for APS ( the syndrome that I am being treated for) is minimal. If I had have been tested and so many other women we could have been treated for it and saved the trauma and grief of loosing our babies. 

Woohoooo Hayley, I am so happy for you hun. That is fabulous news. It has made my day. 

Hi Olive. I hope this month is good to you. :hugs::hugs:

Hi Erica- goodluck with the scan. I have everything crossed for you but I know it will be fine. Don't be sorry. It is so normal for you to be nervous. Oh i didn't know Lily Allen had her baby that is so good. It gives me hope. 

I've nothing really to report girls. 8dpo but no symptoms or anything so we'll see. Having a bad time at the moment but I will get through it. XXX


----------



## jojo23

hey girls. Tanya yay for the tww im thinkin of you every step of the way hun xx

hello to everyone else! im exhausted today so sorry for the brain mush lol

awe girls i had some bleeding yesterday and totally freaked out, went to hospital last night and they admitted me for observation! they dont do scans after hours anymore in ireland apparently some regulation has changed.. so there i was lying in a hospital bed totally freaked out and this women next to me snoring her brains out!!! i didnt sleep at all cried all night and eventually they brought me for a scan this morning and... everything is perfect lol, little one even did a few jumps for me when she scanned me.

i was sooo scared but now im relieved, they said it was just some normal bleeding and nothing to worry about. im ridiculously tired from it all and achy from all the prodding and poking but at least i got to have another scan and se everything was ok!

hope your all doin well, welcome to you ladies who have just joined, im sorry you found a reason to be here in the first place but we're all here for support and a few laughs along the way xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls. Tanya yay for the tww im thinkin of you every step of the way hun xx
> 
> hello to everyone else! im exhausted today so sorry for the brain mush lol
> 
> awe girls i had some bleeding yesterday and totally freaked out, went to hospital last night and they admitted me for observation! they dont do scans after hours anymore in ireland apparently some regulation has changed.. so there i was lying in a hospital bed totally freaked out and this women next to me snoring her brains out!!! i didnt sleep at all cried all night and eventually they brought me for a scan this morning and... everything is perfect lol, little one even did a few jumps for me when she scanned me.
> 
> i was sooo scared but now im relieved, they said it was just some normal bleeding and nothing to worry about. im ridiculously tired from it all and achy from all the prodding and poking but at least i got to have another scan and se everything was ok!
> 
> hope your all doin well, welcome to you ladies who have just joined, im sorry you found a reason to be here in the first place but we're all here for support and a few laughs along the way xxxxxxxxxxxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am Sooooooo happy you and the baby are ok.. :kiss::kiss::kiss:Try to relax I know that isprobably impossible. I am thinking of you and sending lots of Italian love to my Irish buddy....:happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: ( That is if you are Irish??) lol


----------



## jojo23

Andypanda6570 said:


> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> hey girls. Tanya yay for the tww im thinkin of you every step of the way hun xx
> 
> hello to everyone else! im exhausted today so sorry for the brain mush lol
> 
> awe girls i had some bleeding yesterday and totally freaked out, went to hospital last night and they admitted me for observation! they dont do scans after hours anymore in ireland apparently some regulation has changed.. so there i was lying in a hospital bed totally freaked out and this women next to me snoring her brains out!!! i didnt sleep at all cried all night and eventually they brought me for a scan this morning and... everything is perfect lol, little one even did a few jumps for me when she scanned me.
> 
> i was sooo scared but now im relieved, they said it was just some normal bleeding and nothing to worry about. im ridiculously tired from it all and achy from all the prodding and poking but at least i got to have another scan and se everything was ok!
> 
> hope your all doin well, welcome to you ladies who have just joined, im sorry you found a reason to be here in the first place but we're all here for support and a few laughs along the way xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am Sooooooo happy you and the baby are ok.. :kiss::kiss::kiss:Try to relax I know that isprobably impossible. I am thinking of you and sending lots of Italian love to my Irish buddy....:happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: ( That is if you are Irish??) lolClick to expand...

lol 100% irish hun! thanks so much for your thoughts and love, i was so scared last night i literally went into the emergency dept with my pyjames on haha didnt even change! so didnt get a chance to come on here and let you girls calm me!!! but im so relieved now after seeing the scan so just to rest up for a few days and ill be back to normal :) thanks andrea! how are you keeping?xxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> hey girls. Tanya yay for the tww im thinkin of you every step of the way hun xx
> 
> hello to everyone else! im exhausted today so sorry for the brain mush lol
> 
> awe girls i had some bleeding yesterday and totally freaked out, went to hospital last night and they admitted me for observation! they dont do scans after hours anymore in ireland apparently some regulation has changed.. so there i was lying in a hospital bed totally freaked out and this women next to me snoring her brains out!!! i didnt sleep at all cried all night and eventually they brought me for a scan this morning and... everything is perfect lol, little one even did a few jumps for me when she scanned me.
> 
> i was sooo scared but now im relieved, they said it was just some normal bleeding and nothing to worry about. im ridiculously tired from it all and achy from all the prodding and poking but at least i got to have another scan and se everything was ok!
> 
> hope your all doin well, welcome to you ladies who have just joined, im sorry you found a reason to be here in the first place but we're all here for support and a few laughs along the way xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am Sooooooo happy you and the baby are ok.. :kiss::kiss::kiss:Try to relax I know that isprobably impossible. I am thinking of you and sending lots of Italian love to my Irish buddy....:happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: ( That is if you are Irish??) lolClick to expand...
> 
> lol 100% irish hun! thanks so much for your thoughts and love, i was so scared last night i literally went into the emergency dept with my pyjames on haha didnt even change! so didnt get a chance to come on here and let you girls calm me!!! but im so relieved now after seeing the scan so just to rest up for a few days and ill be back to normal :) thanks andrea! how are you keeping?xxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:Click to expand...

I am ok my love.. Just rying to stay positive. Now I am pissed cause my ovulation ticker has vanished :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko: it took me sooooooooo long to make it now i gotta make it all over again.. Other than that I am fine :wacko::wacko: a little nutzo but ok...XOOXOOXOXO I am so glad all is ok with you :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


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## mhazzab

jojo I'm sorry you had a scare, but, I am glad you and the little one are okay :hugs:

I had some pains myself last night, really sore stabbing pains, and I was terrified something was wrong...I think maybe I had just overdone the packing / unpacking as I am feeling fine today. Hubby made me go and lie down, and he finished unpacking the kitchen stuff...what is it about men that they can't put things in sensible places...I'll have to re-do it all now!!

You take it easy now...

Someone mentioned that we had turned this into a bit of a chat thread (in amongst the TTC / rainbow stuff)...and that maybe those not TTC or preg might be put off coming in here and joining in...do you think it is worth starting another thread for chatter? I wouldn't want to exclude anyone from getting to know us and hearing our everyday pearls of wisdom if they don't feel comfortable coming into the TTC thread yet?

xx


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## jojo23

i think its a good idea hun but i think this thread is great too so maybe some ppl not ttc or preggo at the moment but loving the chatter might be able to let us know what they think! thanks hun i feel so relieved having gotten checked out but am still quite achy at the minute, i got swabs done to check for BV also so i think the tenderness is down to that and tiredness. i cannot wait to fall into bed lol. 
awe yeah the packing/unpacking would def do that to you, take it easy hun and put your feet up for a while the unpacking will still be there when your ready for it! xxxxxxx


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## Hellylou

I am certainly not put off by the TTC and preggo chatter, if that's any help. It's a great way to keep in touch with everyone and see how they are getting on. Another chatter thread might be nice too, though, but we could end up doubling up on things, and saying stuff twice! Besides, I hope I can join in on the pregnancy talk soon...:winkwink:

ETA: and Jojo I'm sorry you had such a nasty scare, but I'm so glad everything's ok!!


----------



## blav

I'm not put off by the conversation here. We're not TTC yet (waiting on the witch, gack) but will be soon. Even if we weren't, I wouldn't mind.

I'm so happy for all of the little rainbows here and can't wait until we have one as well. Plus, I just like to hear how everyone is doing. Really lets me know that the things I'm thinking and feeling are normal!


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Ladies!!

Gonna have to make this short and sweet cuz I got lost track of my time with cleaning ... class time soo UGH! .. LOL

I promise I will come back and reply to you all, dont' want ya think I don't care..:hugs:

I am 13 dpo ... My calendar says my AF is due tomorrow,but I ALWAYS start 1 day before I'm due, which would be today... SO, at every tiny bit of moisture, I am running to the bathroom and doing the ol' check and see.. Just knowing I'd be seeing blood ... But none YET...:shrug: I didn't test this morning cuz I really really hate seeing those NO's... Soooo, Fingers crossed!!! 

I'll be back after class, just HAD to give y'all a quick update AND to ask y'all to say a lil prayer and keep those fingers crossed that I don't start :winkwink:

THANKS FRIENDS!!!


----------



## blav

KamIAm said:


> Hi Ladies!!
> 
> Gonna have to make this short and sweet cuz I got lost track of my time with cleaning ... class time soo UGH! .. LOL
> 
> I promise I will come back and reply to you all, dont' want ya think I don't care..:hugs:
> 
> I am 13 dpo ... My calendar says my AF is due tomorrow,but I ALWAYS start 1 day before I'm due, which would be today... SO, at every tiny bit of moisture, I am running to the bathroom and doing the ol' check and see.. Just knowing I'd be seeing blood ... But none YET...:shrug: I didn't test this morning cuz I really really hate seeing those NO's... Soooo, Fingers crossed!!!
> 
> I'll be back after class, just HAD to give y'all a quick update AND to ask y'all to say a lil prayer and keep those fingers crossed that I don't start :winkwink:
> 
> THANKS FRIENDS!!!

Ahhh! So nerve racking, I'm dying to know...I can't imagine how you're feeling. I really hope you get ur BFP!!! :bfp:


----------



## blav

Had to see if my signature worked...sorry for the spam! (I thought I would be able to delete!)


----------



## jojo23

eek everything crossed for you hun xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## collie_crazy

:wave: Hey girls I am so sorry I didnt update before now but I have been so ill its ridicolous! 

We had our scan yesterday - the appointment was for 9 and they left us sitting until 10:45 before we were seen! I was so ill because I hadnt managed to eat anything other than nibbling a digestive biscuit on the way in the car. Anyway they did the tummy scan and only seen a pregnancy sac and I freaked out crying straight away, but the MW said my uterus was tilted which would make it harder to see in early pregnancy so she did an internal and there was baby bert with a strong heartbeat, yolk sac and the beginnings of the waters! :happydance: Also measuring 2 days ahead, which I know isn't the best measurement but its good to know the dates nearly match :thumbup:

She asked me afterward if it had reassured me and seemed shocked when I said no - but its true. I felt a little relieved yes, and glad to see everything was OK at this stage but its not going to relax me any. OH was really excited yesterday but I still cant get like that :( It makes me sad. 

Anyway - I'm sorry I havent went and caught up I barely slept last night as I was up most of the night vomitting (sorry TMI) and havent been able to keep anything including water down :cry: not having a fun time right now but I know it will all be worth it :) 

Will hopefully catch up with you all later :hugs: Hope you are all well xxx


----------



## winterwonder

Hi ladies!

I thought i might come an join you all on this thread, we're not TTC at the mo but WTT as i'm still waiting for AF to turn up, but fingers crossed i think i've been having period pains all day today!

Also not sure if i'm quite mentally ready to try again just yet but it would be nice to talk to others about trying, as i think i freak my friends out a bit now if i ever mention it (none of them have kids)

Congrats to everyone who's got a rainbow baby in the making!

oh btw my name is christine! xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

winterwonder said:


> Hi ladies!
> 
> I thought i might come an join you all on this thread, we're not TTC at the mo but WTT as i'm still waiting for AF to turn up, but fingers crossed i think i've been having period pains all day today!
> 
> Also not sure if i'm quite mentally ready to try again just yet but it would be nice to talk to others about trying, as i think i freak my friends out a bit now if i ever mention it (none of them have kids)
> 
> Congrats to everyone who's got a rainbow baby in the making!
> 
> oh btw my name is christine! xxx

Glad your here, Christine...I am Andrea and you are welcome here, the more the merrier.. So sorry for your loss...:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## blav

winterwonder said:


> Hi ladies!
> 
> I thought i might come an join you all on this thread, we're not TTC at the mo but WTT as i'm still waiting for AF to turn up, but fingers crossed i think i've been having period pains all day today!
> 
> Also not sure if i'm quite mentally ready to try again just yet but it would be nice to talk to others about trying, as i think i freak my friends out a bit now if i ever mention it (none of them have kids)
> 
> Congrats to everyone who's got a rainbow baby in the making!
> 
> oh btw my name is christine! xxx

I'm in the same boat! Also waiting for AF to show up....we can be buddies if you'd like!


----------



## Hellylou

Amanda - wonderful news about the scan. I know it's still a very tense time but each little hurdle jumped towards the finishing line is something to give at least some relief. :hugs:

Kelly - I have goosebumps at this, and I am wishing so hard for your BFP x

Hi Christine - glad to see you here. I'm WTT too, so we can be major stalkers here together! :haha:


----------



## kiki04

Oh Kelly I have EVERYTHING crossed for you!!!! :happydance:


----------



## MummyStobe

Ellie10 said:


> Hi ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining you. I lost my daughter Ellie at 19 weeks on 10th Aug 2011 and although it does get easier, it's never really far from your mind, is it? I have had a couple of IUI's (BFN) this year and one early m/c at 5wks and a chemical preg in June and we are trying naturally for now with the Clearblue Fertility Monitor until we manage to scrabble together enough money for our next IVF (our 3rd). Before losing Ellie I also had 2 early m/c so in total 4 losses and a chemical. Still not giving up though! The things we put ourselves through...
> 
> I have joined ttc after m/c groups but a second tri loss is just so different to a 1st tri loss, especially physically so I've been looking for ladies who have been through this experience. I hope that doesn't sound patronising to anyone who has an early loss, I certainly don't mean it that way; have been there myself and I know how much it hurts, but giving birth to a baby who dies shortly after the birth (Ellie lived for 21 mins) brings a whole different set of physical issues and emotions to have to deal with, doesn't it?
> 
> Sorry I'm rambling on. Hope you are all well and hope to get to know you all better soon.
> 
> x




Ellie10 said:


> Hayley, obviously I am new to the group but just wanted to say congratulations on seeing your little heartbeat today - such a wonderful thing when you have been through a loss. Also, our lost babies share a birthday on 10th August, sad coincidence but I am always so happy to hear of rainbow babies for people like us. Wishing you the healthiest and happiest pregnancy! xxx

Hi Ellie's mum. I noticed as soon as I saw your first post that our angels share a birthday. Max was also 19+5weeks so a very similar gestation age too. Does that mean that your due date was also around New Year? Mine was NYE. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know whether Max was born alive or not, the hospital hadn't actually picked up on the fact that I was in labour so it was a very big shock when I started to deliver him in the bathroom. Although we spent some time with him later on in the day, I couldn't bring myself to look at him at the time. Not finding out is something I regret and I have to live with that but we all made the decisions we thought were right at the time. We decided to have the words "born asleep" put on his headstone. I actually get more comfort from thinking that he passed before he was born than I do from thinking that he died in a cardboard bed pan. I've just really upset myself typing that :cry: I've never actually shared that bit of information on here before now. I'm ashamed that is how he was born but if I hadn't reacted and grabbed it at the time he would have been born in the toilet bowl and I can't even bring myself to think about that possibility :cry: I'm so sorry little my angel :cry:
What I was going to go on and say before I got distracted was that Ellie was a little fighter to hang on in this big bad world for so long. You must be so proud of her. 
Once again I'm so so sorry for your loss. I'm sure Ellie and Max are playing with all the other angels. Fly high little ones :angel:
Thank you for your congratulations on our rainbow. I wish you all the luck with your ttc journey. Sending lots of :dust: your way and to everyone else currently trying.
I love you all so much xx


----------



## MummyStobe

Thank you for all the congratulation messages. All the support in here is amazing and I really am truely grateful that I have met you all. Our angels have brought us all together.



mhazzab said:


> And, this is going to sound crayzeeeeee! but, I swear I felt him move yesterday. I know it's early, but, it's a feeling you just know when you have felt it before. It made me so happy...I don't care who says its too early, I've decided it was him just telling me he's ok. :

OMG I thought I felt something the other day too but thought I was crazy. It felt like the little bubble popping sensation that I used to feel when I first felt Max moving.



mhazzab said:


> Did they say anything about the blood?
> Hugs xx

They said it was most likely to be some implantation/bedding in bleeding. The sonographer couldn't see any reason for it to be coming from anywhere else. She was quite happy with how bean was looking.



jojo23 said:


> awe girls i had some bleeding yesterday and totally freaked out, went to hospital last night and they admitted me for observation! they dont do scans after hours anymore in ireland apparently some regulation has changed.. so there i was lying in a hospital bed totally freaked out and this women next to me snoring her brains out!!! i didnt sleep at all cried all night and eventually they brought me for a scan this morning and... everything is perfect lol, little one even did a few jumps for me when she scanned me.
> 
> i was sooo scared but now im relieved, they said it was just some normal bleeding and nothing to worry about. im ridiculously tired from it all and achy from all the prodding and poking but at least i got to have another scan and se everything was ok!

JoJo so sorry to hear that you have had this scare and spent the night in hospital but on the plus side I'm really pleased that your little baba is ok in there.



collie_crazy said:


> she did an internal and there was baby bert with a strong heartbeat, yolk sac and the beginnings of the waters! :happydance: Also measuring 2 days ahead, which I know isn't the best measurement but its good to know the dates nearly match :thumbup:

Great news Amanda. They could only find my baba's heartbeat with an internal too. So glad everything is ok. 



winterwonder said:


> Hi ladies!
> 
> I thought i might come an join you all on this thread, we're not TTC at the mo but WTT as i'm still waiting for AF to turn up, but fingers crossed i think i've been having period pains all day today!
> 
> Also not sure if i'm quite mentally ready to try again just yet but it would be nice to talk to others about trying, as i think i freak my friends out a bit now if i ever mention it (none of them have kids)
> 
> Congrats to everyone who's got a rainbow baby in the making!
> 
> oh btw my name is christine! xxx

Hi Christine. I'm Hayley pleased to meet you. Welcome to this wonderful and sometimes crazy thread. I hope you'll feel at home here.

Fingers crossed for you kelly. Any sign of the :witch: yet? I really hope not.

Nikki - Sorry the :witch: got you hun. :hugs:

Erica - Any news from your scan hun?

Sorry (as always) if I've missed anyone out but the past couple of days have been crazy in here.

Much love to you all :hugs::kiss:


----------



## Hellylou

Ah Hayley I just welled up with tears reading that. :cry: You did the best you could. I'm kind of comforted in many ways by how many of the mums on here weren't able to look at their little ones straight away, only later. I felt like I was the only one who felt that way at the time. I just couldn't bear it. I didn't even want to know straight away if Thomas was a boy or a girl. I was just living in a nightmare, and everything had gone wrong. The idea of them handing him to me saying it's a boy or it's a girl...I think I would have come apart at the seams. It actually took me two days to find the courage to see him. :cry:

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

So yesterday was the appt with the new OB and I think she is good!. I would not be able to go to the old one because it would bring a bad feelings and I dont want to go that way.As i was sitting in the office waiting 
to be called, I had tears rolling from my eyes, looking at other preg women and I guess the whole idea of ogyn office got to me.
Anyways , I didnt received much of new information except of confirmation of BFN and that my sugar was ok. THe doctor mentioned that there is possability that Gastational 
Diabetes could have played a roll in the loss of a little one.

I am still confused as to why I am on cycle day 34 with no AF and BFN. I wish the witch 
would come already and stop driving me crazy . I get it already , I am out this month!


----------



## mhazzab

winterwonder said:


> Hi ladies!
> 
> I thought i might come an join you all on this thread, we're not TTC at the mo but WTT as i'm still waiting for AF to turn up, but fingers crossed i think i've been having period pains all day today!
> 
> Also not sure if i'm quite mentally ready to try again just yet but it would be nice to talk to others about trying, as i think i freak my friends out a bit now if i ever mention it (none of them have kids)
> 
> Congrats to everyone who's got a rainbow baby in the making!
> 
> oh btw my name is christine! xxx

Hi Christine! Can't remember if I introduced myself aready, I'm Mhairi. So glad you have joined us in here. I didn't speak to any of my friends about TTC again - I didn't think they would understand, plus, I didn't want anyone elses opinons! We're here for you, whatever you need x



MummyStobe said:


> Hi Ellie's mum. I noticed as soon as I saw your first post that our angels share a birthday. Max was also 19+5weeks so a very similar gestation age too. Does that mean that your due date was also around New Year? Mine was NYE. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know whether Max was born alive or not, the hospital hadn't actually picked up on the fact that I was in labour so it was a very big shock when I started to deliver him in the bathroom. Although we spent some time with him later on in the day, I couldn't bring myself to look at him at the time. Not finding out is something I regret and I have to live with that but we all made the decisions we thought were right at the time. We decided to have the words "born asleep" put on his headstone. I actually get more comfort from thinking that he passed before he was born than I do from thinking that he died in a cardboard bed pan. I've just really upset myself typing that :cry: I've never actually shared that bit of information on here before now. I'm ashamed that is how he was born but if I hadn't reacted and grabbed it at the time he would have been born in the toilet bowl and I can't even bring myself to think about that possibility :cry: I'm so sorry little my angel :cry:
> What I was going to go on and say before I got distracted was that Ellie was a little fighter to hang on in this big bad world for so long. You must be so proud of her.
> Once again I'm so so sorry for your loss. I'm sure Ellie and Max are playing with all the other angels. Fly high little ones :angel:
> Thank you for your congratulations on our rainbow. I wish you all the luck with your ttc journey. Sending lots of :dust: your way and to everyone else currently trying.
> I love you all so much xx

Oh Hayley I'm so sorry, try not to have any regrets about what happened that day...we were all taken by surprise and did the best we could. I couldn't bear to see my girls at first either, I asked the nurse to take them away, and I didn't hold them - I feel so guilty for that, but, I can't change it now.

I love you all too, I never knew it was possible to become such good friends with people you have never met! Not sure what I would do without you all! x



dnlfinker said:


> So yesterday was the appt with the new OB and I think she is good!. I would not be able to go to the old one because it would bring a bad feelings and I dont want to go that way.As i was sitting in the office waiting
> to be called, I had tears rolling from my eyes, looking at other preg women and I guess the whole idea of ogyn office got to me.
> Anyways , I didnt received much of new information except of confirmation of BFN and that my sugar was ok. THe doctor mentioned that there is possability that Gastational
> Diabetes could have played a roll in the loss of a little one.
> 
> I am still confused as to why I am on cycle day 34 with no AF and BFN. I wish the witch
> would come already and stop driving me crazy . I get it already , I am out this month!

I'm glad you got to see a new doctor, urgh, its horrible waiting there and seeing the pregnant women, isn't it? Happened to me a few times too, actually it still upsets me for some reason, even though I am pregnant myself.

Sorry for your BFN, I hope AF comes soon so you can get going again

Kelly - Got my fingers crossed for you!, 

Nikki, sorry you got your AF. :hugs:

Hi to everyone else, sorry if I missed anyone! :wave:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hayley, I think it's amazing that you had the presence of mind to be able to grab anything hon, you did so well. I also don't understand why I didn't just sit up as soon as Hayden was born and take him, I'd have thought instinct would have made me, but I couldn't bare it either, I just lay there wailing. There was no normality for any of us. 

Jojo, so sorry you had a scare, I'm so glad you had a good scan.

Amanda, glad yours went well too hon, I'm sorry you're still so sick - watch you don't get dehydrated, will you. I remember when DD was really ill when she was 5 she was throwing everything up for days with a temperature and we had to take her to out of hours care as we were worried - anyway, they showed us how to tell if they are dehydrated - you pinch the skin on the back of the hand and if it springs straight back down it's fine, but if it stays in a point for ages then the person is dehydrated. It would obviously take longer to ping back on any of our hands than a 5yo girl but it's an easy way for you to keep an eye on yourself. If you keep sipping small amounts a lot of it will be absorbed before you chuck it up. You poor thing, hope it eases a wee bit soon.

Kelly, EVERYTHING crossed for you hon, any sign yet?

Sorry for the BFN Nat.

Tanya, how are you today, hon? Thinking of you.


Mhairi - you know what you're feeling hon. It's pretty unmistakable. Glad your wee bean is making him or herself known!

Andrea, how you doing? Did you manage to give it a go this month?

Welcome again Christine.

I know I'm missing lots but my head is mush today, so sorry! 

Hope those of you waiting for AF to pack her bags don't have long to wait.

I finally planted some veggie seeds yesterday, far too late really - I'll be lucky to have some by Easter, haha! Never mind, it's my first foray, everything will be set for winter veggies hopefully. I sat doing it in the sun though and didn't realise how strong it was and I have a ripping headache today now, oops. Good ol NZ with no ozone layer, I forget. Anyway, how OT is that?! Ha, we really have turned this into a free-for-all but I'm loving it! 

Hope you are all well, 

Nikki xxx


----------



## ericacaca

Hi ladies. Scan went well! Baby is fine, we saw it's little heart beat and they even gave us a coupld of bounces for us  I was kinda emotional though beforehand - but all was ok. Still early days though. Want to get excited, but just can't! Argh! xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Haha, you all type way quicker than me! 

Nat, glad your appt went well but sorry you had to sit there feeling sad. Could it be that you didn't Ov this month? I've heard of that delaying AF.

Christine - I don't talk about TTC to anyone else either really. I don't want to explain myself to folk that don't understand and I don't want to be getting asked "anything yet?" all the time and depressing me when i can't say yes. Also I may want to keep any future pregnancy to myself for a lot longer next time (if I get a next time) so don't want to be getting asked. A couple of friends that have also suffered a loss know we were trying but they understand and are not the type to keep asking or hassling us. 

xx

ETA: Erica, you beat me to it as well! ha! so glad it went well!


----------



## KamIAm

:dust::dust::dust:Shhh! Girls.... I am sitting in class RIGHT NOW ... couldnt' wait to tell y'all I just about had a massive heartattack LOL!!! :dohh:

As I'm sitting here, I feel icky, a lil more wetter TMI TMI TMI!!! .. than usual, like a just started my AF... :dohh: I got up, ran to the bathroom , KNOWING I did.... I haven't YET! I am a day 28 girl.... I am NEVER late ... I have made it half way thru day 28 and no sign yet.... UGH ... Think Im gonna puke.... I am REALLY trying not to get hopeful, or too excited cuz I am sure the bottom is just gonna fall out again, BUT couldn't help myself, had to run to my friends!!!!:hugs: 

Still hanging in there...... To Be Continued.... I'll be back after class when I can type more appropriately :winkwink:

FX'd!!!!


----------



## mhazzab

Nikki_d72 said:


> I finally planted some veggie seeds yesterday, far too late really - I'll be lucky to have some by Easter, haha! Never mind, it's my first foray, everything will be set for winter veggies hopefully. I sat doing it in the sun though and didn't realise how strong it was and I have a ripping headache today now, oops. Good ol NZ with no ozone layer, I forget. Anyway, how OT is that?! Ha, we really have turned this into a free-for-all but I'm loving it!
> 
> Hope you are all well,
> 
> Nikki xxx

oohh Nikki, I like my gardening too, my home grown carrots made a delicious soup last year :) I suppose the NZ climate is a little different to Scotland though, must take a bit of getting used to!



ericacaca said:


> Hi ladies. Scan went well! Baby is fine, we saw it's little heart beat and they even gave us a coupld of bounces for us  I was kinda emotional though beforehand - but all was ok. Still early days though. Want to get excited, but just can't! Argh! xxx

wow Erica, that's fantastic news, glad baby did some spins for you too! I understand you are finding it hard to get excited though, I think that's just the way of it for us now, unfortunately.



KamIAm said:


> :dust::dust::dust:Shhh! Girls.... I am sitting in class RIGHT NOW ... couldnt' wait to tell y'all I just about had a massive heartattack LOL!!! :dohh:
> 
> As I'm sitting here, I feel icky, a lil more wetter TMI TMI TMI!!! .. than usual, like a just started my AF... :dohh: I got up, ran to the bathroom , KNOWING I did.... I haven't YET! I am a day 28 girl.... I am NEVER late ... I have made it half way thru day 28 and no sign yet.... UGH ... Think Im gonna puke.... I am REALLY trying not to get hopeful, or too excited cuz I am sure the bottom is just gonna fall out again, BUT couldn't help myself, had to run to my friends!!!!:hugs:
> 
> Still hanging in there...... To Be Continued.... I'll be back after class when I can type more appropriately :winkwink:
> 
> FX'd!!!!

Kelly....I am trying to stay calm here....but secretly, I am super excited for you.....please keep us updated!

xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Woop-woop Kelly, Hope I'm not building this up too much but I'm soooo excited for you right now hon! Oh I so hope this is it for you. When you gonna :test:?


----------



## KamIAm

My professor is getting slightly irritated at me I'm sure.... :blush::haha:...Don't care ...:shrug:

IF for some reason I haven't started today, then I guess I MIGHT poas tomorrow moring, MAYBE .. If not then, Definately Friday ... I am scared to death ... I am really really really really really trying to stay even keel, calm, not jumping off the deep end..... Arghhh..... Coo coo coo coo.....

I don't wanna do ANYTHING and I have so much to do tonight, lots of running errands tonight with the kids ... Guess that is a good thing, keep my mind off of things (try to)....

FX'd!!!!

:dust::dust::dust:


Ok, Ok, I am much more calmer .... Gotta protect myself for the major let down..... 

I'll keep you friends posted!!!


----------



## MummyStobe

Kelly I'm trying to stay calm but I'm so excited. I think I need to know as much as you do (if that's possible). I've got everything crossed for good news for you. Pleased keep us posted - like I need to ask!! 

Erica - really pleased your scan went well. I completely understand that you can't get excited. I don't think any of us will be happy or be able to relax until our rainbows are safe in our arms. I feel like every day I wake up still pregnant is a mini milestone. One day at a time is the way forward.

Natalie - I'm pleased that you have found a new doctor. I reall hope she can help you get your rainbow. Sorry you got a bfn. I hope the witch shows up sooner rather than later so you can move on to the next round of trying.

Helen/Mhairi/Nikki - it took all my courage to ask if I'd had a boy or a girl. I'm not sure why I was scared of finding out. I think we all did what was right for us at the time and it's unfair that we have to go through life with regrets and guilt about what we did or didn't do. We coped the best way we knew how to and we shouldn't beat ourselves up for the choices we made. Our angels will all understand and they know they are loved very very much. 

xx


----------



## kiki04

KamIAm said:


> My professor is getting slightly irritated at me I'm sure.... :blush::haha:...Don't care ...:shrug:
> 
> IF for some reason I haven't started today, then I guess I MIGHT poas tomorrow moring, MAYBE .. If not then, Definately Friday ... I am scared to death ... I am really really really really really trying to stay even keel, calm, not jumping off the deep end..... Arghhh..... Coo coo coo coo.....
> 
> I don't wanna do ANYTHING and I have so much to do tonight, lots of running errands tonight with the kids ... Guess that is a good thing, keep my mind off of things (try to)....
> 
> FX'd!!!!
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> 
> Ok, Ok, I am much more calmer .... Gotta protect myself for the major let down.....
> 
> I'll keep you friends posted!!!

Girlfriend you are testing tomorrow wether you want to or not! :rofl:


----------



## blav

KamIAm said:


> My professor is getting slightly irritated at me I'm sure.... :blush::haha:...Don't care ...:shrug:
> 
> IF for some reason I haven't started today, then I guess I MIGHT poas tomorrow moring, MAYBE .. If not then, Definately Friday ... I am scared to death ... I am really really really really really trying to stay even keel, calm, not jumping off the deep end..... Arghhh..... Coo coo coo coo.....
> 
> I don't wanna do ANYTHING and I have so much to do tonight, lots of running errands tonight with the kids ... Guess that is a good thing, keep my mind off of things (try to)....
> 
> FX'd!!!!
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> 
> Ok, Ok, I am much more calmer .... Gotta protect myself for the major let down.....
> 
> I'll keep you friends posted!!!

So, so, so very excited for you! Keeping my fingers and toes crossed!!! 

Your professor can kick rocks!!!


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hayley, I think it's amazing that you had the presence of mind to be able to grab anything hon, you did so well. I also don't understand why I didn't just sit up as soon as Hayden was born and take him, I'd have thought instinct would have made me, but I couldn't bare it either, I just lay there wailing. There was no normality for any of us.
> 
> Jojo, so sorry you had a scare, I'm so glad you had a good scan.
> 
> Amanda, glad yours went well too hon, I'm sorry you're still so sick - watch you don't get dehydrated, will you. I remember when DD was really ill when she was 5 she was throwing everything up for days with a temperature and we had to take her to out of hours care as we were worried - anyway, they showed us how to tell if they are dehydrated - you pinch the skin on the back of the hand and if it springs straight back down it's fine, but if it stays in a point for ages then the person is dehydrated. It would obviously take longer to ping back on any of our hands than a 5yo girl but it's an easy way for you to keep an eye on yourself. If you keep sipping small amounts a lot of it will be absorbed before you chuck it up. You poor thing, hope it eases a wee bit soon.
> 
> Kelly, EVERYTHING crossed for you hon, any sign yet?
> 
> Sorry for the BFN Nat.
> 
> Tanya, how are you today, hon? Thinking of you.
> 
> 
> Mhairi - you know what you're feeling hon. It's pretty unmistakable. Glad your wee bean is making him or herself known!
> 
> Andrea, how you doing? Did you manage to give it a go this month?
> 
> Welcome again Christine.
> 
> I know I'm missing lots but my head is mush today, so sorry!
> 
> Hope those of you waiting for AF to pack her bags don't have long to wait.
> 
> I finally planted some veggie seeds yesterday, far too late really - I'll be lucky to have some by Easter, haha! Never mind, it's my first foray, everything will be set for winter veggies hopefully. I sat doing it in the sun though and didn't realise how strong it was and I have a ripping headache today now, oops. Good ol NZ with no ozone layer, I forget. Anyway, how OT is that?! Ha, we really have turned this into a free-for-all but I'm loving it!
> 
> Hope you are all well,
> 
> Nikki xxx

I didn't get it this month but we still got December..XOOXXO:hugs::hugs:





KamIAm said:


> My professor is getting slightly irritated at me I'm sure.... :blush::haha:...Don't care ...:shrug:
> 
> IF for some reason I haven't started today, then I guess I MIGHT poas tomorrow moring, MAYBE .. If not then, Definately Friday ... I am scared to death ... I am really really really really really trying to stay even keel, calm, not jumping off the deep end..... Arghhh..... Coo coo coo coo.....
> 
> I don't wanna do ANYTHING and I have so much to do tonight, lots of running errands tonight with the kids ... Guess that is a good thing, keep my mind off of things (try to)....
> 
> FX'd!!!!
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:
> 
> 
> Ok, Ok, I am much more calmer .... Gotta protect myself for the major let down.....
> 
> I'll keep you friends posted!!!

YESssssssssssskeep us posted cause I am [email protected]@ XOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

First thing in the morning, i better see update Kelly! No but seriously i am fairly excited to hear about another BFN positive.

From reading other updates , i am thankfull that all of the scans went well. I just hope that you will start to feel better sooner! 

Thank you Andrea for speaking with me this morning, it a great pleasure and more enjoyable then work!

Nikki, i am not sure if i missed ovulation because both my monitor and ovulation sticks showed that i ovulated. I dont trust my broken monitor but cant both of them wrong. My plan is to check once more Friday if no Af. 

Going to stop here, enjoy your evening/morning!


----------



## KamIAm

Well girls.... It's 9:30 pm here and still no AF ... Hmmm??? Not sure what to think or feel.... 

I am feeling VERY gassy, crampy & irritable... All signs of either for me.... So, clueless....

I guess we'll see what tomorrow holds for me ....

FX'd and good night friends!

Thanks for all the love and cheers ...Xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> First thing in the morning, i better see update Kelly! No but seriously i am fairly excited to hear about another BFN positive.
> 
> From reading other updates , i am thankfull that all of the scans went well. I just hope that you will start to feel better sooner!
> 
> Thank you Andrea for speaking with me this morning, it a great pleasure and more enjoyable then work!
> 
> Nikki, i am not sure if i missed ovulation because both my monitor and ovulation sticks showed that i ovulated. I dont trust my broken monitor but cant both of them wrong. My plan is to check once more Friday if no Af.
> 
> Going to stop here, enjoy your evening/morning!

 Love talking to you, Natalie!!! I feel I can tell you anything and you understand , I am so grateful not only for meeting you here but for our 
friendship..XOOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:




KamIAm said:


> Well girls.... It's 9:30 pm here and still no AF ... Hmmm??? Not sure what to think or feel....
> 
> I am feeling VERY gassy, crampy & irritable... All signs of either for me.... So, clueless....
> 
> I guess we'll see what tomorrow holds for me ....
> 
> FX'd and good night friends!
> 
> Thanks for all the love and cheers ...Xxx

Staying positive, girlfriend. Love ya XOOXOXO Hope tomorrow brings excitement :happydance::happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Kelly, that is suppose to say BFP, i am sorry for typo! Wishing you only the best!


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Kelly, that is suppose to say BFP, i am sorry for typo! Wishing you only the best!

NAt,
If you look at the bottom of your post you will see an edit button, you can hit that and go back into your post and fix the mistake and then hit save :flower::flower::flower:


----------



## dnlfinker

Andypanda6570 said:


> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> Kelly, that is suppose to say BFP, i am sorry for typo! Wishing you only the best!
> 
> NAt,
> If you look at the bottom of your post you will see an edit button, you can hit that and go back into your post and fix the mistake and then hit save :flower::flower::flower:Click to expand...

By the time i noticed, Kelly was onlne and read it :(


----------



## Nikki_d72

Good luck Kelly! i want an update in the morning hon!

Also good luck Nat - no I wouldn't have thought they were both wrong, unless you got your surge then OV was delayed for some reason, like sickness, stress etc etc. Did anything like that happen? Bit personal, but did you carry on DTD after Ov time? If so, and it _was_ delayed you could still have caught it but it would take longer to implant then show on a test. I'm really hoping it's just taking a while for it to show in your urine but I don't want to give you false hope. Did you notice any other body signs, do you track CM etc? It must be quite frustrating! Sorry I can't be of more help. 

Well, I can't think of much to say from my end, just finished another depressing shift at work. I just realised it's the 1st of December today as well, I can't hide from Christmas any more, it's on it's way whether I like it or not. 

Hope everyone is well, speak to you all tommorrow. xx


----------



## Hellylou

I am so stalking this thread for a test update from Kelly! :coolio:

I am also here trying to avoid doing all the things I need to do today. :blush:


----------



## yazoo

Hey girls, sorry I don't have time to read all your posts and reply. I'm heading into town now so I'll catch up with you all properly later. Chou. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> Kelly, that is suppose to say BFP, i am sorry for typo! Wishing you only the best!
> 
> NAt,
> If you look at the bottom of your post you will see an edit button, you can hit that and go back into your post and fix the mistake and then hit save :flower::flower::flower:Click to expand...
> 
> By the time i noticed, Kelly was onlne and read it :(Click to expand...

LOL...Thats ok she knew what you meant..:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Everyone but Kelly checked in this morning! Where are you? We would like to hear a update

Your nervious and excited friends!


----------



## jennijunni

AHH!! I have been away for too long!! You ladies were chatty!! LOL! I hope everyone is doing well!

YAY for a healthy heartbeat!! So happy!! I bet that was such a relief!

Welcome Ellies mom! I am so sorry about your sweet Ellie, you are right a second trimester loss is so, so different than a first. I just had my second 2nd trimester loss in a row, I go tomorrow for tests. I have 4 children, so I can carry a child and deliver them just fine. We will see.

Sorry about the BFN's this month. That always sucks! 

FL to those in the 2WW! 

As for me, I am getting so frustrated. I had my D&E on November 14th, following it, I had much heavier bleeding than last time, and huge clots, with awful cramps which I was told was normal, even though the one I had had 5 months previous was not like this at all. So I stop bleeding on the following Tuesday so 8 days. Then start again when I was busy at my parents cleaning and preparing. Then stopped again, I took it easy, then this Monday I went running, I had not bled for almost a week, and bam a ton of bleeding, and not dark old blood, but bright red blood for a whole day. Took it easy the next day no bleeding, went running the following night, no bleeding, great!! Then yesterday, I start bleeding again!! But it was only a bit. What is going on? It is frustrating me! I want to move on and get one with things, but cant because my body does not know what is going on. I have an appointment tomorrow and hopefully they did not forget anything, I do not want to go into surgery again. Sorry, rant over.


----------



## MummyStobe

dnlfinker said:


> Everyone but Kelly checked in this morning! Where are you? We would like to hear a update
> 
> Your nervious and excited friends!

Come on Kelly get your ass out of bed and poas! And then let us know! xx


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> Everyone but Kelly checked in this morning! Where are you? We would like to hear a update
> 
> Your nervious and excited friends!
> 
> Come on Kelly get your ass out of bed and poas! And then let us know! xxClick to expand...

She's been on Facebook! Naughty Kelly keeping us waiting! ;) xx


----------



## kiki04

Kelly this isnt funny you know :growlmad:


----------



## KamIAm

Hee hee hee .. Sorry Ladies ..

Yes, mhairi.. I did sneak on facebook, heck it's easier to jump on that app on my phone while trafficing the kids ready for school Hahahahahah!!!:haha: 

Ok, Ok, For what you all are waiting to hear.....

I didn't sleep much at ALL last night... So, at 2am I decided since I had to pee I'd go ahead and poas (it was my last one!) But it showed BFN :dohh: .. Yea, silly I know ...

Still no AF... So, that to me is VERY hopeful cuz this girl is like a machine LOL... I'm NEVER late ... EVER.... Could it take a few more days to show positive? Heck, If I don't start my AF today, I know for a fact that a lil one is on it's way.... Sooo... I have no where to be today, so you will be seeing LOTS of randomness from me :blush::haha:

Oh Yea Nat.... I didn't even give that a second thought ... No worries hon... Promise ... If I ever stumble acrossed something that is weirdly put, Girl, i know we have human fingers... Lord knows when I get typing I look back and think... "What?" :winkwink:

I'm gonna run to the store around the corner in a bit to buy more tests tho!!!! :happydance:

What do you all think??? Could I possible be preg and still show Neg right now????


----------



## KamIAm

Ohh, Wish List....

I wish this site had a mobile app... that would be AMAZINGGGGG:thumbup:

I can pull it up on my phone but it's super tiny and impossible to scroll thru and do anything .. poopy :dohh:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Ohh, Wish List....
> 
> I wish this site had a mobile app... that would be AMAZINGGGGG:thumbup:
> 
> I can pull it up on my phone but it's super tiny and impossible to scroll thru and do anything .. poopy :dohh:

There is a mobile version! If you go down to the bottom of the page you can switch between desktop and mobile.

Anywaaay! Sorry for the BFN but as you say, no witch yet so you are still in with a chance! Maybe your pee wasn't concentrated enough at 2am? Lol cant believe you tested then! Keep us updated! X


----------



## KamIAm

Oh Yea (again) ... :dohh: Hahahaha!!!

I think I am starting to go cray cray ... think I am letting my mind run wild with me.... Cuz yesterday I felt a wave of nausea, I just chalked it up as I just ate and went straight to cleaning so thought maybe I just worked that up?? But then while laying in bed last night, I felt terrible... Nauseous again .. And even woke up hungry in the middle of the night ... I really really really think I am just going crazy and thinking this all up tho... Cuz I am having period like cramping right now ... Soooooo .... Ugh .... Guess we'll see ..... :shrug:


----------



## MummyStobe

Yay for no AF but boo for bfn.

I only got a faint positive with Max on cd32 and it took til cd36 to get a bfp on a digi. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you. Can't believe you poas at 2am :haha:


----------



## mhazzab

I suppose it depends whether implantation is early or late they say it can take up till 12 days, and then it's a couple of days until the hcg shows up, I suppose that's why sometimes you get a late BFP.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you Kelly xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Yes, Hayley... Hahaha... I can't believe I poas at 2am either! Hahaha... Told ya... The cray cray has crept in... hahahah :rofl::rofl:

Now look at me... I have done so well with the 2WW time frame and now this crap is sending me to the looney hospital :haha: :wacko:

Never expected to wake up today and still no AF .....:happydance:

I'll just stock pile on tests and poas every time I have to pee... Hmm? Hows that sound?? Haha (sounds a wee bit expensive doesn't it) ... :winkwink: But I'm sure I'll buy a good chunk of them ... Think I'll throw on some clothes and run to the store NOW!!! :dohh: :happydance: :winkwink:

Haha, as soon as I start feeling VERY hopeful and excited, I immediately MAKE myself calm down and tell myself that I'm not.... Think that approach is safer, much nicer ... :flower:

La la la la la la la la .... I wanna know now!!!! hahahahaha


----------



## KamIAm

MummyStobe said:


> Yay for no AF but boo for bfn.
> 
> I only got a faint positive with Max on cd32 and it took til cd36 to get a bfp on a digi. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you. Can't believe you poas at 2am :haha:

Really! Good to know! I am ONLY CD 29 .... Good grief, I am gonna have a heart attack!! :dohh:

:laundry::dishes::iron::shower::hangwashing::brat::shipw::telephone::juggle::comp:

With an occational .... :rain::flasher::lolly::loopy::wohoo::tease::fool::icecream::headspin::friends::yipee::bike::dance:

Gonna TRY like heck to keep myself busy!!!!! :thumbup:


----------



## mhazzab

Oh Kelly I love your posts, lol. You really brighten up my day! 
Now get out to the shop and buy some more pee sticks! X


----------



## KamIAm

Ohhh Yippee!! Mhairi has created a monster!!! I found the mobile option for my phone!! Woot Woot :headspin: Y'all are in trouble now .... :blush::winkwink:


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Ohhh Yippee!! Mhairi has created a monster!!! I found the mobile option for my phone!! Woot Woot :headspin: Y'all are in trouble now .... :blush::winkwink:

Oops I think we might be...watch out its addictive!


----------



## kiki04

I got a negative blood test cd32 with my daughter then a +hpt on cd34...and she is now 4 yrs old :happydance:


----------



## yazoo

Ok where do I start. I have to look back about 5 pages to reply to you busy wee bees. I've 2 pages open on the laptop. 

Joelene, so sorry you had bleeding hun but yay for the scan. I'm glad you got to see little bubs jumping about. Oh what you said about them not doing afterhours scans here anymore- I think it is absolutely crap. Another cock up from our crap government. It depends on who you see though. First time I went in after hours with Jakob I was scanned no problem, the second time I wasn't. (That particular doctor and myself had some issues after that too- she sent me home when I was told to go to the EPU- the blood was pouring out of me, anyway thats a whole different story.) Have you had anymore bleeding? 

Mhairi- it was probably all the packing and stuff that caused the pains. Take it easy hun. I hope you are feeling better today. It was me who said it about those not TTC coming in here. I have a feeling that anyone who isn't ttc might see the thread and not even bother looking at it but as someone said- will we be posting twice then? In here and in another one? 

Hey Amanda, so happy that the scan has went well. I'm delighted for you.. :happydance: Ugh I hate that your sick, the joys of pregnancy. Hopefully in the next few weeks you'll see an improvement.

Welcome Christine- my name is tanya. I'm glad you have joined us ( well I'm not under the circumstances but I think you know what i mean.) 

Hayley love, you done the best you could in the situation you were in. It was very quick of you to think to grab something for Max. Please don't be ashamed- you done a great job thinking of that and I bet Max understands exactly why you done it. 

I think I heard the doctor saying when Jakob came out that there was no heartbeat but I have been thinking about it alot lately ande thinking that he actually did. About 45 mins before he was born he had a heartbeat as we heard him on the doppler. He even gave the doppler a big kick. lol. He hated it. Anyway now I think she said that because they had to work on me. (They were afraid of me hemmoraging (sp?) and it was only after they were finished with me that they gave him to me. 

Nat-glad you like the new OB. Your not out this month yet until the ugly witch shows her head. :hugs:

Hi Nikki- I'm ok hun. Glad you got your veggies planted. yum. Are you trying to make us all jealous telling us how warm it is. lol. Its Baltic here. 

Erica- I'm so glad the scan went well. :hugs::hugs:

Ok I gotta run to the school. I'll catch up with the rest of you later. I have another 4 pages to catch up on. Phew you girls are hard work. lol 

Later. xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Kiki thanks for the info!! I'm not too discouraged over the bfn from earlier ... I'm actually on cloud nine from late AF!! That speaks volumes! I'm out the door.. Pee pee sticks here I come!!! Hahaha


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Ok I gotta run to the school. I'll catch up with the rest of you later. I have another 4 pages to catch up on. Phew you girls are hard work. lol
> 
> Later. xxx

Lol, I'm just looking for excuses today not to have to do more unpacking...I'll take any distraction going! X


----------



## babylou

Kelly, your happy posts are infectious!!

I feel so excited for you. :happydance:

I'm tentatively joining you all on the TTC journey, will keep you all posted....

love and hugs :hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Kelly,

Keep that spirit up and once you go to the store , send some this way (just kidding)! As you may know I am on day 35 now with no AF and as far as I been reading for the past couple of 
days , it can still show really late(I mean the BFP). Just keep on testing girly till you will get it . Thumbs up for the nausea, its a really good sign

Keep up posted please , we are on top of you today! 

All the best!


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hee hee hee .. Sorry Ladies ..
> 
> Yes, mhairi.. I did sneak on facebook, heck it's easier to jump on that app on my phone while trafficing the kids ready for school Hahahahahah!!!:haha:
> 
> Ok, Ok, For what you all are waiting to hear.....
> 
> I didn't sleep much at ALL last night... So, at 2am I decided since I had to pee I'd go ahead and poas (it was my last one!) But it showed BFN :dohh: .. Yea, silly I know ...
> 
> Still no AF... So, that to me is VERY hopeful cuz this girl is like a machine LOL... I'm NEVER late ... EVER.... Could it take a few more days to show positive? Heck, If I don't start my AF today, I know for a fact that a lil one is on it's way.... Sooo... I have no where to be today, so you will be seeing LOTS of randomness from me :blush::haha:
> 
> Oh Yea Nat.... I didn't even give that a second thought ... No worries hon... Promise ... If I ever stumble acrossed something that is weirdly put, Girl, i know we have human fingers... Lord knows when I get typing I look back and think... "What?" :winkwink:
> 
> I'm gonna run to the store around the corner in a bit to buy more tests tho!!!! :happydance:
> 
> What do you all think??? Could I possible be preg and still show Neg right now????

Yessssssssss you can still be ..I didn't find out for sure till i was almost 7 weeks :wacko: just thought I was late or something... Never thought of ever being pregnant, but I was :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Agghhh Kelly I am so keeping everything crossed right now!!:dust::dust:


----------



## KamIAm

Back from the lil store.... I wanna POAS now!!! :blush: I am really tryin to just hold off til tomorrow morning for the good pee .. :winkwink:

I spent forever in that aisle, trying to decide which kind of test to buy... But this time I went with CB Digi's... I bought 4 of them... NOt many soooo trying to save them for FMU .. Ugh...

I must report, I have a killer headache now .. Ugh.. So, trying to remain calm and positive no matter what answer I get this month ... :thumbup:

BUT I REALLY WANNA POAS!!!!! :happydance: hahahaha


----------



## dnlfinker

Just do it ! 

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

If it makes you feel better, I am running to the store right now to get some and giving a try


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Just do it !
> 
> Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
> 
> If it makes you feel better, I am running to the store right now to get some and giving a try

Hurry up, Nat!! RUN RUN RUN............LOL :haha::haha::haha::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

On the other hand , I am just thinking I did not ovulate and give up! Cant play the guessing game anymore, I just had enough of it

:baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby:


----------



## KamIAm

Yay Nat!! We're gonna Pee Pee together! :winkwink: :haha:

I wanna poas soo stinkin' bad, can't focus or think of anything else, but..... I'M SCARED!! I don't wanna see another BFN ... :dohh: Yep, I'm a weiner! LOL:winkwink:

I have been online this whole time goggling facts! hahaha .. obsess much? YES

My poor OH has NO idea... He doesn't never keep up with my cycle and all that fun stuff, I just tell him when we need to hit the sheets Haha, that's all he cares about with this mess.... So, when I got back from the store I had the box of tests out on the counter and He walked in the door, I grabbed the box and took off like a rocket! LOL! I wanna surprise him IF this is our month... Don't wanna drag him into thie maddness :winkwink: ... Perfect Christmas Present don't ya think....

BUT... here I go again.... Thinking WAY ahead of myself again.... :dohh: I like staying in the safe zone... Protect myself from another nasty negative....

Nat.... When you get back home you better jump your butt back on here and let me know what your doing :flower: :winkwink: :happydance:

:dust::dust::dust:

Baby dust sent your way!!!!!!


----------



## KamIAm

dnlfinker said:


> On the other hand , I am just thinking I did not ovulate and give up! Cant play the guessing game anymore, I just had enough of it
> 
> :baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby::baby:

Nat.... Keep that beautiful chin up.... Your not alone... We're all in this together OK ... I think your signs sounds VERY promising!! 

Let me know what you decide on doing Hon'.... I'll be here pretty much all day :winkwink:


----------



## dnlfinker

I don't know about the sign anymore , its been 5 freaking days now! Two days 
ago I felt really cramps and bloated, now nothing at all. I hit about 80 dollars of 
supply so far , my husband stopped asking what I bought in Rite aid or DW because he 
knows . He is trying to keep his mouth shut, but he know I gone kuku this month .

When I was at the doctors she refused to do the blood test because the pregnancy test was negative. Felt sharp pain in the groin area when I moved too quickly but now that is not there anymore either. 

Theory 1: Didn't ovulate

Theory 2: Something is wrong with baby (tubal or etopic)

Theory3: AF is on her way

Theory4: I am just nuts!

Theory5: I will not get pregnant on my own 

Theory6: Maybe I should go on meds otherwise I have to be put in a kuku 
house and there will be different meds involved

Great apology for my insanity

Kelly , what is the update so far with u?


----------



## jennijunni

Good luck Nat and Kelly!! Thinking of you both! I hope we see some BFP's!!! Fingers crossed!


----------



## Ellie10

Hi ladies, my we've been busy on this thread, haven't we?! Just been trying to catch up but my little notebook is so slow it's taken me ages...

Hayley, you brought tears to my eyes reading your post. Like the other girls have said, you have nothing to feel guilty about at all, you did the best you could at the time and your quick-thinking made a horrible situation better than it would have been otherwise. You should be proud of yourself, I'm certain Max is very proud of his mummy :hugs:

Girls, I'm totally rubbish with names at the best of times so please bear with me while I try to remember who's who. Should only take me a few months...:dohh:

Well, I think I outdid myself today on the shopping front. I'm 9 dpo today and because I've had a bit of spotting since 7 dpo I decided to go get some tests from Boots (I know it's too early, but I'm a serial POAS addict). Ended up picking up 2 FRERs, 2 CBs & 4 Boots own tests; you know, cos you really need 8 tests in one go, don't you? :wacko: Anyway, also threw a lipstick, mascara and two nail varnishes in the basket and when I got to the checkout they had an offer on where if you buy the No7 Serum, day cream & night cream you save £30 and only pay £40 instead of £70 AND, this was the seller for me - you get a free gift bag full of rubbish make-up they obviously can't sell! Bargain! Never mind that if you don't buy the creams you save £40 in the first place, of course I bought them and what with all the tests I nearly had to have a little lie down when the bill came to £98. Eek. Only went in for one own-brand pregnancy test. I shouldn't be allowed out alone. Anyway I've just been trying all the free stuff on including green glittery eyeliner, purple eye-shadow and a frosted pink lipstick that's clearly time-travelled from 1984. So, I'm sitting here looking like a hooker. And I'm skint. Result.

Meant to ask, have any of you ever had implantation spotting? Clutching at straws here, I know. Just wondered because I've never spotted this early before, and I'm desperately in need of some kind of positive symptom this month as I've had nothing else. Not even sore bbs and gods knows I've been poking them enough to check :roll::roll: I'm going to test tomorrow anyway. It'd be rude not to 

Hope you are well girlies :hugs::hugs:

Susanne xx


----------



## KamIAm

Aww Nat! Your not going ku ku, your just simply ttc... Hahaha! About the same thing ain't it...

Yea, my OH just leaves me alone with buying supplies, he never askes.. LOL... He doesn't get too involved with this part of it, he just listens and waits for me to tell him when to hit the bedroom LOL...

It's funny because this month, I really didn't obsess at all, nothing like last month... Thought I was gonna loose what lil mind I had left BUT this time I kind of forgot about it, we just BD when we wanted and I didn't keep track of what DPO I was or I didn't really symptom spotted either, guess cuz I really didn't have much to spot or obsess over...

I honestly haven't felt much different until yesterday... I haven't paid any attention to my CM, I just kept wearing a panty liner and never checked it, I think since it was Thanksgiving time and I was SO busy that helped keep me sane, maybe ...

Yesterday, I felt nauseous a few times, crampy..was getting a headache earlier but that is already gone, didn't stay long, didnt' even take meds for it... I dunno... I am still crampy..so can't tell if they are AF or baby... I wouldn't think crampy would be from baby tho... ?? .. Right?? 

I am seriously gonna TRY HARDER at keeping busy today.. Cuz I really don't wanna test during the day... Isn't testing during the day pretty much a waste???? I'm grabbing for anything, can't ya tell LOL!!!! Hahaha! 

Nat, hang in there babe... Just keep breathing and keep your chin up... :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Ellie10 said:


> Hi ladies, my we've been busy on this thread, haven't we?! Just been trying to catch up but my little notebook is so slow it's taken me ages...
> 
> Hayley, you brought tears to my eyes reading your post. Like the other girls have said, you have nothing to feel guilty about at all, you did the best you could at the time and your quick-thinking made a horrible situation better than it would have been otherwise. You should be proud of yourself, I'm certain Max is very proud of his mummy :hugs:
> 
> Girls, I'm totally rubbish with names at the best of times so please bear with me while I try to remember who's who. Should only take me a few months...:dohh:
> 
> Well, I think I outdid myself today on the shopping front. I'm 9 dpo today and because I've had a bit of spotting since 7 dpo I decided to go get some tests from Boots (I know it's too early, but I'm a serial POAS addict). Ended up picking up 2 FRERs, 2 CBs & 4 Boots own tests; you know, cos you really need 8 tests in one go, don't you? :wacko: Anyway, also threw a lipstick, mascara and two nail varnishes in the basket and when I got to the checkout they had an offer on where if you buy the No7 Serum, day cream & night cream you save £30 and only pay £40 instead of £70 AND, this was the seller for me - you get a free gift bag full of rubbish make-up they obviously can't sell! Bargain! Never mind that if you don't buy the creams you save £40 in the first place, of course I bought them and what with all the tests I nearly had to have a little lie down when the bill came to £98. Eek. Only went in for one own-brand pregnancy test. I shouldn't be allowed out alone. Anyway I've just been trying all the free stuff on including green glittery eyeliner, purple eye-shadow and a frosted pink lipstick that's clearly time-travelled from about 1984. So, I'm sitting here looking like a hooker. And I'm skint. Result.
> 
> Meant to ask, have any of you ever had implantation spotting? Clutching at straws here, I know. Just wondered because I've never spotted this early before, oh and I'm desperately in need of some kind of positive symptom this month as I've had nothing else. Not even sore bbs and gods knows I've been poking them enough to check :roll::roll: I'm going to test tomorrow anyway. It'd be rude not to
> 
> Hope you are well girlies :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Susanne xx

Haha! Susanne... Your a funny one too! Yay!!! :happydance: Your post made me laugh!! I can picture you now hahahaha:haha:

I too ran to the store thinking I'd only spent a certain amount but walked out with a bill 5 times more than I planned, Oops! :shrug: :dohh:

Yay! Your gonna be POAS with me!!! My AF is late, let me repeat that... My AF is late and I am trying like heck to wait and not waste a test this afternoon!!! :wacko: Coo Coo 

Now your chained to us and HAVE report back ... Ohh, I'd say every few minutes... hahaha .. Ok Ok, I won't chain ya that tightly BUT you have to pop back in and let us pyscho's know how your feeling, what your doing... You know... All the wonderful obsessive symptom spotting!!! :happydance:

Nice to meet ya...By the way... I'm Kelly :hugs:


----------



## blav

KamIAm said:


> Well girls.... It's 9:30 pm here and still no AF ... Hmmm??? Not sure what to think or feel....
> 
> I am feeling VERY gassy, crampy & irritable... All signs of either for me.... So, clueless....
> 
> I guess we'll see what tomorrow holds for me ....
> 
> FX'd and good night friends!
> 
> Thanks for all the love and cheers ...Xxx

I'm so sad that I'll probably be at work when you give us an update. Still crossing fingers for you!!!

In other news, :witch: has STILL not arrived. Saturday will make 5 weeks. She has taunted me a couple of times with VERY light spotting and I thought for sure she would come, but nooooo. :growlmad:


----------



## Hellylou

Ellie10 said:


> Hi ladies, my we've been busy on this thread, haven't we?! Just been trying to catch up but my little notebook is so slow it's taken me ages...
> 
> Hayley, you brought tears to my eyes reading your post. Like the other girls have said, you have nothing to feel guilty about at all, you did the best you could at the time and your quick-thinking made a horrible situation better than it would have been otherwise. You should be proud of yourself, I'm certain Max is very proud of his mummy :hugs:
> 
> Girls, I'm totally rubbish with names at the best of times so please bear with me while I try to remember who's who. Should only take me a few months...:dohh:
> 
> Well, I think I outdid myself today on the shopping front. I'm 9 dpo today and because I've had a bit of spotting since 7 dpo I decided to go get some tests from Boots (I know it's too early, but I'm a serial POAS addict). Ended up picking up 2 FRERs, 2 CBs & 4 Boots own tests; you know, cos you really need 8 tests in one go, don't you? :wacko: Anyway, also threw a lipstick, mascara and two nail varnishes in the basket and when I got to the checkout they had an offer on where if you buy the No7 Serum, day cream & night cream you save £30 and only pay £40 instead of £70 AND, this was the seller for me - you get a free gift bag full of rubbish make-up they obviously can't sell! Bargain! Never mind that if you don't buy the creams you save £40 in the first place, of course I bought them and what with all the tests I nearly had to have a little lie down when the bill came to £98. Eek. Only went in for one own-brand pregnancy test. I shouldn't be allowed out alone. Anyway I've just been trying all the free stuff on including green glittery eyeliner, purple eye-shadow and a frosted pink lipstick that's clearly time-travelled from 1984. So, I'm sitting here looking like a hooker. And I'm skint. Result.
> 
> Meant to ask, have any of you ever had implantation spotting? Clutching at straws here, I know. Just wondered because I've never spotted this early before, and I'm desperately in need of some kind of positive symptom this month as I've had nothing else. Not even sore bbs and gods knows I've been poking them enough to check :roll::roll: I'm going to test tomorrow anyway. It'd be rude not to
> 
> Hope you are well girlies :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Susanne xx

Hi Susanne!! :hugs: Hahaha I have the same bag of rubbish makeup - the green glitter eyeliner is just awful, isn't it?! I did the exact same thing - put it all on and sat laughing at myself! That No7 serum is expensive, but I really like it, and I hear it's the only anti aging thing on the market that really works, so I'm in!

I did get implantation spotting with my last pregnancy - a kind of pink/brown streaking before AF was due. I came off some medication I was on at the time as soon as I thought there was a chance I concieved, then when I saw that, I thought my AF was early and that was it, so I took the meds again. Then when it stopped, I thought to myself...hmmm maybe this wasn't AF, and I did a test the day it was due, it was positive.

Good luck :hugs:


----------



## Ellie10

Ah Kelly, you're a stronger girl than me for hanging on until you're late. Highly impressive! Will be checking in regularly for an update and will keep everything crossed for you! Good luck!  xxx


----------



## Ellie10

Hellylou (sorry told you I was crap with names!) glad I'm not the only numpty who fell for the free gift bag scam! Trying not to get my hopes up with the spotting thing but it's just been so weird, not even proper spotting; just a few (sorry tmi alert) dots of pink/brown when I wiped, once on 7 dpo, once yesterday afternoon and then one spot of pink first thing this morning and nothing since. God, it's hell being this obsessive. I do my own head in... :-O 
x


----------



## Hellylou

I'm Helen :hugs:

That sounds pretty promising, you know. Do you ever normally spot mid cycle like that? If not, that's a great sign...

Keeping everything crossed for youxxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Ellie10 said:


> Hi ladies, my we've been busy on this thread, haven't we?! Just been trying to catch up but my little notebook is so slow it's taken me ages...
> 
> Hayley, you brought tears to my eyes reading your post. Like the other girls have said, you have nothing to feel guilty about at all, you did the best you could at the time and your quick-thinking made a horrible situation better than it would have been otherwise. You should be proud of yourself, I'm certain Max is very proud of his mummy :hugs:
> 
> Girls, I'm totally rubbish with names at the best of times so please bear with me while I try to remember who's who. Should only take me a few months...:dohh:
> 
> Well, I think I outdid myself today on the shopping front. I'm 9 dpo today and because I've had a bit of spotting since 7 dpo I decided to go get some tests from Boots (I know it's too early, but I'm a serial POAS addict). Ended up picking up 2 FRERs, 2 CBs & 4 Boots own tests; you know, cos you really need 8 tests in one go, don't you? :wacko: Anyway, also threw a lipstick, mascara and two nail varnishes in the basket and when I got to the checkout they had an offer on where if you buy the No7 Serum, day cream & night cream you save £30 and only pay £40 instead of £70 AND, this was the seller for me - you get a free gift bag full of rubbish make-up they obviously can't sell! Bargain! Never mind that if you don't buy the creams you save £40 in the first place, of course I bought them and what with all the tests I nearly had to have a little lie down when the bill came to £98. Eek. Only went in for one own-brand pregnancy test. I shouldn't be allowed out alone. Anyway I've just been trying all the free stuff on including green glittery eyeliner, purple eye-shadow and a frosted pink lipstick that's clearly time-travelled from 1984. So, I'm sitting here looking like a hooker. And I'm skint. Result.
> 
> Meant to ask, have any of you ever had implantation spotting? Clutching at straws here, I know. Just wondered because I've never spotted this early before, and I'm desperately in need of some kind of positive symptom this month as I've had nothing else. Not even sore bbs and gods knows I've been poking them enough to check :roll::roll: I'm going to test tomorrow anyway. It'd be rude not to
> 
> Hope you are well girlies :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Susanne xx

Susanne, you are hilarious, I've been there myself with the huge bill in boots. And, of course you need 8 Peesticks! I will be checking in here tomorrow to see the results!

Kelly and Nat, I've got everything crossed for both of you...late AF is a good sign! Urgh I wish you didn't have to wait for the morning pee!

Keep up the positive messages, I'm loving it!

Xx


----------



## Ellie10

Helen, no I never spot like that. I've spotted early once or twice but not that early and it was pretty constant those times, and enough that I had to wear a pantyliner and thinking about it, it got heavier and heavier until it turned to af. Not had the odd spot like this before. The thing is though, i started taking Agnus Castus this month (I will try absolutely anything once, I swear ANYTHING!) so I'm worried it's that mucking my cycle up. With my luck it will be. That'll teach me to dabble in stuff I know nothing about! 

Mhairi - sorry spelled that completely wrong! I'm Scottish too, live in England now but originally from outside Glasgow. Where are you? x

Susanne x


----------



## KamIAm

Well Poop!

Girls I did it ... hahahahaha:haha:

I caved, I wasted a test! :winkwink: Yep... with mid-day urine!! Of course it told me NOOOOO .. THink I even heard the stupid stick chuckle at me... :haha:

Ok, So, I am totally gonna HIDE ALL sticks!! I have to wait til morning! Arghh... :wacko::wacko::dohh::dohh:

I am actually sitting here in my kitchen with hair dye in my hair.. trying to cover all these lil gray hairs that have suddenly popped up... Well, I wonder why? :dohh: LOL!!!:haha: Nea, they have been peekin' thru at me for a few weeks but today I HAVE to do just about anything and everything to keep me away from the sticks!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA :rofl::rofl: 

:muaha: Doo Bee Doo Bee Doooooo ..... :toothpick:


----------



## MummyStobe

OMG this thread has gone majorly crazy today! I was only here at dinnertime and there were still 4 pages of new posts to catch up on when I got home. Madness! but it has made me chuckle.

Well I've been up to the hospital to visit the vampire (aka the pathology lab) to have more blood taken for more follow up tests that my consultant wanted to do. I've had the blood taken once but they used the wrong container so the test couldn't be done and I had to go back. I'll have no blood left at this rate. And the midwife will want to steal more when I see her on the 13th Dec.

Now that it is finally December I have just enjoyed my first mince pie of the year. mmmmmm yum yum yummy


----------



## MummyStobe

Ellie10 said:


> Ah Kelly, you're a stronger girl than me for hanging on until you're late. Highly impressive! Will be checking in regularly for an update and will keep everything crossed for you! Good luck!  xxx

Susanne think this month has been a one off for Kelly - she is a complete poas-aholic



KamIAm said:


> Well Poop!
> 
> Girls I did it ... hahahahaha:haha:
> 
> I caved, I wasted a test! :winkwink: Yep... with mid-day urine!! Of course it told me NOOOOO .. THink I even heard the stupid stick chuckle at me... :haha:
> 
> Ok, So, I am totally gonna HIDE ALL sticks!! I have to wait til morning! Arghh... :wacko::wacko::dohh::dohh:
> 
> I am actually sitting here in my kitchen with hair dye in my hair.. trying to cover all these lil gray hairs that have suddenly popped up... Well, I wonder why? :dohh: LOL!!!:haha: Nea, they have been peekin' thru at me for a few weeks but today I HAVE to do just about anything and everything to keep me away from the sticks!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA :rofl::rofl:
> 
> :muaha: Doo Bee Doo Bee Doooooo ..... :toothpick:

See I told you!

Kelly you are completely crazy - but that is why we love you! :rofl:

and Im confiscating your sticks, well until tomorrow morning and least and I don't mean 2am either. Save them for the good pee. Come on girl you can do it! I have every faith! xx


----------



## MummyStobe

oooooooooo look what I just found

I know none of are really looking forward to Christmas but I couldn't resist.

:xmas1::xmas2::xmas3::xmas4::xmas5::xmas6::xmas7::xmas8::xmas9::xmas10::xmas11::xmas12::xmas13:
:xmas14::xmas15::xmas16::xmas17::xmas18::xmas19::xmas20::xmas21::xmas22:


----------



## Hellylou

Ellie10 said:


> Helen, no I never spot like that. I've spotted early once or twice but not that early and it was pretty constant those times, and enough that I had to wear a pantyliner and thinking about it, it got heavier and heavier until it turned to af. Not had the odd spot like this before. The thing is though, i started taking Agnus Castus this month (I will try absolutely anything once, I swear ANYTHING!) so I'm worried it's that mucking my cycle up. With my luck it will be. That'll teach me to dabble in stuff I know nothing about!
> 
> Mhairi - sorry spelled that completely wrong! I'm Scottish too, live in England now but originally from outside Glasgow. Where are you? x
> 
> Susanne x

I just had to google Agnus Castus...:blush: Well, hopefully it's nothing to do with that, and it's all a good sign of something going on in there! 



KamIAm said:


> Well Poop!
> 
> Girls I did it ... hahahahaha:haha:
> 
> I caved, I wasted a test! :winkwink: Yep... with mid-day urine!! Of course it told me NOOOOO .. THink I even heard the stupid stick chuckle at me... :haha:
> 
> Ok, So, I am totally gonna HIDE ALL sticks!! I have to wait til morning! Arghh... :wacko::wacko::dohh::dohh:
> 
> I am actually sitting here in my kitchen with hair dye in my hair.. trying to cover all these lil gray hairs that have suddenly popped up... Well, I wonder why? :dohh: LOL!!!:haha: Nea, they have been peekin' thru at me for a few weeks but today I HAVE to do just about anything and everything to keep me away from the sticks!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA :rofl::rofl:
> 
> :muaha: Doo Bee Doo Bee Doooooo ..... :toothpick:

Fingers crossed for tomorrow!!



MummyStobe said:


> oooooooooo look what I just found
> 
> I know none of are really looking forward to Christmas but I couldn't resist.
> 
> :xmas1::xmas2::xmas3::xmas4::xmas5::xmas6::xmas7::xmas8::xmas9::xmas10::xmas11::xmas12::xmas13:
> :xmas14::xmas15::xmas16::xmas17::xmas18::xmas19::xmas20::xmas21::xmas22:

I am actually starting to feel a bit christmassy now. I took the kids round our local garden centre last night, and they do the most wonderful christmas decorations and displays. It was night time, and tasteful christmassy music was playing. I want to pick out a really lovely tree decoration for Thomas, but I am waiting til we have the tree up.


----------



## mhazzab

MummyStobe said:


> oooooooooo look what I just found
> 
> I know none of are really looking forward to Christmas but I couldn't resist.
> 
> :xmas1::xmas2::xmas3::xmas4::xmas5::xmas6::xmas7::xmas8::xmas9::xmas10::xmas11::xmas12::xmas13:
> :xmas14::xmas15::xmas16::xmas17::xmas18::xmas19::xmas20::xmas21::xmas22:

Where did they come from? Lol


----------



## MummyStobe

Me again....

I've been majorly bloated all day today, luckily I had a baggy top on so it wasn't too obvious. Just 11 more days at work until Christmas to keep my rainbow a secret. :shhh: Think the black maternity pants may be making an appearance before then though if today is a hint of what the days ahead are going to be like, I've been so uncomfy all day. Had my pjs on ever since I got home :haha:


----------



## MummyStobe

Hellylou said:


> I want to pick out a really lovely tree decoration for Thomas, but I am waiting til we have the tree up.

That's a lovely idea Helen. We got a silver sparkly butterfly for Max to go on our tree. Not very Christmassy I know but butterflies have become very special to us since we lost him and it seemed like the right one to choose.



mhazzab said:


> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> :xmas1::xmas2::xmas3::xmas4::xmas5::xmas6::xmas7::xmas8::xmas9::xmas10::xmas11::xmas12::xmas13:
> :xmas14::xmas15::xmas16::xmas17::xmas18::xmas19::xmas20::xmas21::xmas22:
> 
> Where did they come from? LolClick to expand...

They were right at the bottom of the expanded smiles page. I came across them whilst searching for the rolling on the floor smiley.


----------



## KamIAm

Helllllllooooooo Ladies :xmas3:

Ooo New Toys!! :xmas8::xmas12::xmas14:

Hahaha! That's all I need huh ... :dohh:

Just an update....I know, from about an hour or so ago... STILL NO AF! :xmas5::xmas8:

I am NOW learning how to roll my hair and making homemade Oatmeal and Raisin cookies... Yes, I am being mean and gonna TRY to trick my kids.. They dont like raisins but they look like chocolate chips... Hahahaha :xmas13: Soooo we'll see how this goes ... :xmas17:

OH! And just for the record... I have NOT poas anymore this afternoon!! :xmas13: Scouts Honor ... :winkwink:

How is all my fine fellers doing today?? Sounds like everyone is getting home from work about now, heck, I think .... All have a great day? feeling alright my lil preggos? :winkwink: :flower:

Nat... You still hanging in there babe? 

It's ON tomorrow morning.... There is 3 of us Pee Peeing on sticks and by God, there better be some BFP!!!!! ... :winkwink:

Gonna take their rollers out of my hair, looking like a moose! Haha


----------



## dnlfinker

Just another thought,,

Is there a way to get a lab blood testing kit for pregnancy for home? It will def be much cheaper and wipe us out of the Poas paranoia for good. 

Kelly , if you had a lab test that gave you the results today , would it 
make you more confident? I somewhat feel that I need to do this and then 
I will stop acting crazy

:) YUM FOR THOSE COOKIES :)


----------



## KamIAm

dnlfinker said:


> Just another thought,,
> 
> Is there a way to get a lab blood testing kit for pregnancy for home? It will def be much cheaper and wipe us out of the Poas paranoia for good.
> 
> Kelly , if you had a lab test that gave you the results today , would it
> make you more confident? I somewhat feel that I need to do this and then
> I will stop acting crazy
> 
> :) YUM FOR THOSE COOKIES :)



Hmm? Would I feel more confident with the results I would get TODAY.... Yes... 

I am NO expect by no means.. But in my mind, I would think blood work results would be more precise, more accurate that the HPT ... ? ... That is just my opinion... Good Lord knows I'm NO expert at this TTC stuff...:shrug: I've never heard if there was any blood result testing from home available... But heck, I've never used a opk or anything else for that matter ... Hope someone can give ya answers Nat ... :hugs:

AFM ... Still no AF!! The longer she stays away the better :winkwink:


----------



## collie_crazy

Wow girls! There is like over 10 pages for me to read today - whats going on :happydance: *goes to read, grabs some chocolate* 

OK now I see... Its Crazy Kelly time! :rofl: Only joking - love you girl! I'm so excited for you! AF is late :happydance: Please please please please try and hold that pee and then let it alllllll out in the morning on a fabby stick! Its about time we seen those words pop up for you :hugs:

Nat you too! I'm sorry AF is playing games with you but hoping its for a reason and she is staying away for 9 months now! :happydance:

Hayley please dont beat yourself up - you did what you had to at the time. I think we all have some regrets about the way we have done or dealt with things but we did the best we could with what we had at the time. We went into this with no prior experience what else could we do? Emily was born into a bed pan too and its something that haunts me - I just try to hold on to the fact that she was born sleeping so didnt know any better :hugs: Max knows how much he is loved, I am sure.



MummyStobe said:


> Now that it is finally December I have just enjoyed my first mince pie of the year. mmmmmm yum yum yummy

Mince pies are yuck! infact just the word has made me feel sick LOL! 




Nikki_d72 said:


> Well, I can't think of much to say from my end, just finished another depressing shift at work. I just realised it's the 1st of December today as well, I can't hide from Christmas any more, it's on it's way whether I like it or not.

I know what you mean about christmas coming whether we like it or not. I'm really struggling with it this year. It should be so different for all of us :cry: I've managed to cheer myself up a little by buying a few christmas ornaments for Emilys grave. That sounds a bit morbid but I'm sure you know what I mean.

Jennijunni I am sorry you are going through all this :cry: Its so heartbreaking. I hope the bleeding stops for you soon but if it keeps up make sure you go and get yourself checked out - they may have left some tissue behind after the D&E which is causing the continued bleeding. 



KamIAm said:


> :laundry::dishes::iron::shower::hangwashing::brat::shipw::telephone::juggle::comp:
> 
> With an occational .... :rain::flasher::lolly::loopy::wohoo::tease::fool::icecream::headspin::friends::yipee::bike::dance:
> 
> Gonna TRY like heck to keep myself busy!!!!! :thumbup:

This made me literally Laugh Out Loud :rofl::haha:



Ellie10 said:


> Well, I think I outdid myself today on the shopping front. I'm 9 dpo today and because I've had a bit of spotting since 7 dpo I decided to go get some tests from Boots (I know it's too early, but I'm a serial POAS addict). Ended up picking up 2 FRERs, 2 CBs & 4 Boots own tests; you know, cos you really need 8 tests in one go, don't you? :wacko: Anyway, also threw a lipstick, mascara and two nail varnishes in the basket and when I got to the checkout they had an offer on where if you buy the No7 Serum, day cream & night cream you save £30 and only pay £40 instead of £70 AND, this was the seller for me - you get a free gift bag full of rubbish make-up they obviously can't sell! Bargain! Never mind that if you don't buy the creams you save £40 in the first place, of course I bought them and what with all the tests I nearly had to have a little lie down when the bill came to £98. Eek. Only went in for one own-brand pregnancy test. I shouldn't be allowed out alone. Anyway I've just been trying all the free stuff on including green glittery eyeliner, purple eye-shadow and a frosted pink lipstick that's clearly time-travelled from 1984. So, I'm sitting here looking like a hooker. And I'm skint. Result.
> 
> Susanne xx

:wave: Hello! I dont think we have met yet. I'm Amanda and I am also a poas-aholic although at 8 weeks pregnant I think I have finally stopped - I do have a test in the drawer though and I hear it calling to me from time to time. When I thought I had a faint positive my last cycle I ran out to the shops and bought 10 tests from 2 different stores (so as not to look completely crazy, you know!?) Now I think that is the sign of a true addict :dohh: You can never have too many pee sticks! Or free make up :haha:

I see your originally from outside Glasgow too! I'm from Glasgow and my OH is from Hamilton :wave: 

Helen I love the idea of having an ornament on the tree. And I think I would choose a butterfly too - its definitely our symbol :hugs: I will also be getting my christmas sand tree framed. Did you get yours Mhairi?

Oh and about the people who may not come into this thread what about trying to edit the title to WTT / TTC & Pregnancy Support Group. Or just 'Life after Loss Support Group' then it can be about anything? I'm sure we could contact the person who made it to change it for us that way more people might pop in :hugs:

AFM: Nothing much new to report oh except I think I have a craving!! For Jelly Tots! Mmmmm I dont know why but I cant get enough of them and I havent had them in years! Yum Yum.


----------



## Nikki_d72

Good God, ladies! I was on here at 10pm last night (NZ time) and ghot up this morning to 6 pages!

Don't know where to begin... 

Susanne, you made me laugh there, thought that had to be Glasgow humour! I'm from just outside Glasgow too, originally. I think I've lost any sense of humour lately though...it's a good thing for me that I live in the sticks now with not a Boots-equivalent in site, as I'm exactly the same about bargains.... and pee sticks, except there's only one brand I can get here along with blue-dye ones which I'm not gettting and they all require a new mortgage on the house, nearly, so that keeps my madness at bay. GL with testing. Don't worry if you get names wrong, it must be pretty hard coming in fresh and we're all banding names around, especially the ones that aren't so obvious from user names, we won't be insulted if you get it wrong, I still have mental blanks sometimes...

Kelly, sososo hoping this is it for you! As far as I'm aware the Digis are less sensitive than the FRER, so defo use first thing in morning pee. I think that's why the result on them is so reliable and conclusive. Can anyone confirm this? Hope you managed to distract yourself hon. Lol at the Moose comment!

Nat, hope you get a result soon too!

Even though I'm dreading Chritmas, the wee smileys made me laugh! 

Righto, better go and do something around this messy house, i spend far too much time on here!

Speak to you all later, hoping for positive updates!

xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Kelly , 

I called Easy Blue and she said that our levels that the pregnancy test detects increase every other day. She said to wait couple of days , it still could come up positive!

HERE IS TO OUR HOPE!

CHEERS

Nat


----------



## mhazzab

Amanda, I did get the sand trees done- beautiful! I'm going to town tomorrow to hopefully find frames for them, and they will go on my fireplace every Xmas :)

As for all the poas excitement- I cant wait till tomorrow I'm very excited for some more good news :hugs: xx

ETA: Amanda I think your suggestions for renaming the thread are good xx


----------



## KamIAm

Hi friends.....

Ok, I'm much calmer now... Whew... Lol!

Still no AF for me .....

I was thinking... IF this month was my month (again)... My due date would be about Aug. 9th.... I'm telling ya... November is for some reason my baby making month.. My oldest daughters birthday is Aug 28 & youngest daughters birthday is Aug 2 & Emma was suppose to be born Aug 15! I like November I guess....

I know I'm thinking way ahead of myself but just had to share my thoughts with someone ...

Thanks friends and sorry I just blew up in here today ; )

I'll let y'all know what the I get in the morning....

Big Hugs!!!


----------



## Nikki_d72

Wow, busy birthday month for ya hon! Don't worry about blowing up in here - I for one love your posts. I'm crossing everything for you hon, let us know....


xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Thanks Nikki!

When I get nervous I talk... and since heck I cant "talk" with anyone else about this... I kind of spewed today... :blush:


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:
 

> I don't know about the sign anymore , its been 5 freaking days now! Two days
> ago I felt really cramps and bloated, now nothing at all. I hit about 80 dollars of
> supply so far , my husband stopped asking what I bought in Rite aid or DW because he
> knows . He is trying to keep his mouth shut, but he know I gone kuku this month .
> 
> When I was at the doctors she refused to do the blood test because the pregnancy test was negative. Felt sharp pain in the groin area when I moved too quickly but now that is not there anymore either.
> 
> Theory 1: Didn't ovulate
> 
> Theory 2: Something is wrong with baby (tubal or etopic)
> 
> Theory3: AF is on her way
> 
> Theory4: I am just nuts!
> 
> Theory5: I will not get pregnant on my own
> 
> Theory6: Maybe I should go on meds otherwise I have to be put in a kuku
> house and there will be different meds involved
> 
> Great apology for my insanity
> 
> Kelly , what is the update so far with u?

You are just hysterical, Natalie :hugs::hugs:
God, I have not been here in a couple of hours and this thread went NUTZO :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
I am so very tired right now, just wanted to wish everyone the best and I love you all..XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Update... Exhausted.... It's only 8:40pm but gonna try to get some sleep... Still no signs of AF.... Every second that passes fear slowly creeps in... Silly huh.... 
Good Night Friends and I'll post FMU results.. : )


----------



## blav

KamIAm said:


> Update... Exhausted.... It's only 8:40pm but gonna try to get some sleep... Still no signs of AF.... Every second that passes fear slowly creeps in... Silly huh....
> Good Night Friends and I'll post FMU results.. : )

We are on pins and needles!!!!

I can't wait to hear your results (I just have a good feeling about them for you!!!!!)


----------



## Hellylou

Stalking Kelly...:flasher: - can't wait for results!!!

On a different note entirely. My OH just said to me this morning that he is pretty sure we forgot his mum's birthday on 1st November! I have been trying to remember if I got her something but you know, I think he's right...!! How awful! I can only put it down to the stress over the last month, but that's terrible, and not like me at all. He relies on me for stuff like this and my brain has been mush. And she was here babysitting last night! :blush:


----------



## Ellie10

Morning ladies, well BFN for me but since I'm only 10dpo and shouldn't be bloody testing yet anyway it's all I deserve :blush:

Kelly, wake up girl and get peeing!! :test: 

Amanda, I'm from Hamilton! I've been living in England for nearly 20 years now, apart from a few years living abroad, but I go back a couple of times a year as my entire family still lives there. My dh takes the piss out of me because he says whenever I phone home or visit Scotland I start talking like Mary Nesbitt :laugh2: I guess you never really lose your accent!

Nikki, another Glaswegian :happydance: How did you end up living in New Zealand? My dh has always wanted to move there, but I've got my heart set on California at some point. Been there loads as dh has family there and just love the place. If we have any american ladies in - have any of you heard of Kathy Ireland? I think she's famous in the US but not here in the uk, anyway, she's dh's cousin and has offered to help us move if and when we make the decision. I'd be off tomorrow if it was up to me. Do you ever get back to Scotland much?

Dh has got his work xmas party tonight (wives not invited, thank christ for that) so I'm planning a lovely night on my own with a nice glass of white wine, eating rubbish and watching back-to-back 'I'm a Celebrity' that I've been recording cos dh would have a girly fit if I even suggested watching it while he's around. I love my husband dearly (have to say that in case he cyber-stalks me and sees this post :hi:) but I also love it when he sods off out and I can take charge of the remote control for once 

Right, got to take my poor old dog for a walk, will catch up with you all later and hoping to see some lovely BFPs!
:hugs:

Susanne x


----------



## Ellie10

Ah Helen, sorry, meant to say - I'm sure you're MIL understands after all you've been through. You could always get her one of those 'belated' birthday cards though and try to make a bit of a joke out of it if you feel really awful? xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

I am up at 4 am , I just can't sleep, not sure why, :coffee::coffee::coffee:
I am here stalking you all. Welcome all new friends . :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Welocme Susanne nice to meet you, I am andrea. 
Waiting on you Kelly, get the hell up :happydance::happydance::happydance:
Love you all XOOXO


----------



## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> I am up at 4 am , I just can't sleep, not sure why, :coffee::coffee::coffee:
> I am here stalking you all. Welcome all new friends . :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Welocme Susanne nice to meet you, I am andrea.
> Waiting on you Kelly, get the hell up :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> Love you all XOOXO

Good morning my wonderful friend. X


----------



## mhazzab

Hellylou said:


> Stalking Kelly...:flasher: - can't wait for results!!!
> 
> On a different note entirely. My OH just said to me this morning that he is pretty sure we forgot his mum's birthday on 1st November! I have been trying to remember if I got her something but you know, I think he's right...!! How awful! I can only put it down to the stress over the last month, but that's terrible, and not like me at all. He relies on me for stuff like this and my brain has been mush. And she was here babysitting last night! :blush:

This won't help you at all...but, if it makes you feel any better, I have forgotten most people's birthdays / anniversaries since June, have felt terrible about it, but, my brain has also been a bit mush recently.

you could always just apologise and tell her how it happened although I'm sure she already knows the reason and didn't bring it up because she didn't want to make you feel worse xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

mhazzab said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> I am up at 4 am , I just can't sleep, not sure why, :coffee::coffee::coffee:
> I am here stalking you all. Welcome all new friends . :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Welocme Susanne nice to meet you, I am andrea.
> Waiting on you Kelly, get the hell up :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> Love you all XOOXO
> 
> Good morning my wonderful friend. XClick to expand...

How ya feeling. love? Hope your ok and don't stress it is no good for ya..XOXOOX 




mhazzab said:


> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> Stalking Kelly...:flasher: - can't wait for results!!!
> 
> On a different note entirely. My OH just said to me this morning that he is pretty sure we forgot his mum's birthday on 1st November! I have been trying to remember if I got her something but you know, I think he's right...!! How awful! I can only put it down to the stress over the last month, but that's terrible, and not like me at all. He relies on me for stuff like this and my brain has been mush. And she was here babysitting last night! :blush:
> 
> This won't help you at all...but, if it makes you feel any better, I have forgotten most people's birthdays / anniversaries since June, have felt terrible about it, but, my brain has also been a bit mush recently.
> 
> you could always just apologise and tell her how it happened although I'm sure she already knows the reason and didn't bring it up because she didn't want to make you feel worse xxClick to expand...


You know I was always the one that everyone would comment about and say Andrea never forgets anything birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, you name it I remembered it and I always sent a card even if the person was not close family. 
Now I am lucky if I remember to put on my underoos :wacko::wacko::wacko: I just simply forget everything now :nope:
XOXO


----------



## winterwonder

Morning Everyone,

I haven't been on in two days, and there's so much to catch up on! So i'll do a proper post this evening after work as unfortunately life is interfering at the mo, but to everyone making a rainbow, :happydance: to everyone who is TTC :dust: to those of us WTT, I hope our time to try comes soon!

To jennijunni, I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through :hugs:

And welcome Suzanne!

xx


----------



## KamIAm

Good Morning Friends!

I didn't sleep very well last night and finally caved and tested at 5am... Results.. BFN.... Pfft! Don't believe it tho.... Still no signs of AF at all.... As I laid in bed thinking it hit me... Insomnia was a huge/biggest complaint during my pregnancies and here I am with no AF and lack of sleep.... Lol... My tummy felt icky again last night too.... I forgot all about these things until last night but I never got "morning" sickness, I seem to always get "evening" sickness.... : ) Excuse the lack of luster... I'm on my phone so no smiley toys..haha

So, my game plan is to go back to the store and get me some plain pee pee sticks ... I read FRER are most accurate so those will be bought today!!! : )

Susanne, your a hoot!!! Love reading your posts...make me smile : )

How's all my wonderful pregnant friends doing and feeling?

Helen, whew... Brain mush is definitely to cause of that and I'm more than sure she understands..... Don't feel badly, you can make it up to her... I think we all have that very same problem.... I forgot all that stuff now LOL... Oops.... I have to use this HUGE calendar everyday to remind me what's on that days agenda, I know.. Pitiful huh... Lol

Oh yea, Susanne... Yes Kathy Ireland is very very famous here in the States!! Very cool!! So nice to have someone here that can help you get set up when you come...

Well doing this from my phone is very difficult so I'm gonna run to the store once I send the kids to school, then I'll poas and report those results ; ) Aye Aye Cappy? ; )


----------



## mhazzab

Kelly, sorry for the BFN but the signs are looking good. I'm off out soon for the afternoon but I will be sneaking a peek on my phone every so often to get the updates! Don't suppose you kept any of the morning pee did you? (in a container I mean, not in your bladder!)

xx


----------



## Ellie10

Thanks to everyone who has welcomed me to the group :hugs: You are all so lovely on here, glad I found you all!

Kelly, paah to the nasty BFN but signs are looking really good so I reckon you've just got yourself a very shy little beany :shy: Hang in there! Looking forward to the next pee-stick instalment! :happydance:

I had never even heard of Kathy when I first met her about 15 years ago so it's really weird whenever we go over to California and go out and about with her and she gets stared at and stopped everywhere. Then she comes over to us and no one here looks twice (well they do, just cos she's so sickeningly gorgeous!) She is also a really lovely woman, she rang me in the middle of the night US time when I lost Ellie and she was crying on the phone with me, bless her. 

I'm desperately trying not to symptom spot this month. Last month I had phantom nausea, phantom tiredness and phantom bloodhound-nose where I thought I could smell stuff dh couldn't. And it was all a figment of my over-active imagination. Again. But, today I have been absolutely starving since the minute I woke up (I normally don't eat till lunchtime) and I've already had two lots of breakfast and lunch and I'm now wondering what to eat next. That's just not me. Oh and I've got a really hot face today. Probably the menopause, knowing my luck :wacko:

Hello to everyone else, hope you're all having a lovely Friday, will pop back later for a POAS update... :hugs:

Susanne x


----------



## KamIAm

No Mhairi... I didn't save it... Crap! I even thought of it but wondered how accurate cold pee would be... Poopy... So much to learn hahaha


----------



## MummyStobe

Sorry you got another bfn Kelly. Do you know when you ov'd? If it was later than normal it may take a few more days to get a bfp. It can take up to a week for implantation then another couple of days for hcg levels to start to increase to show up on a blood test and then another couple of days for it to get into your pee to show up on a hpt. No AF is a great sign, keep the faith and keeping my fingers crossed for you :hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Ah sorry you had the BFN Kelly - it aint over til she shows, remember, and for you being so like clockwork, it does still sound promising! Love Susanne's comment about 'shy little bean' haha :haha:

And Susanne, sorry for BFN too, but like you say, prob way too early, so fingers crossed.:hugs: I think I am having all the pregnancy symptoms myself after watching you ladies for so long. I have sore boobs, tiredness, and I am eating like a pig! I love I'm a Celebrity too, and will be watching tonight while DH is out with a bottle of something. I want Dougie to win because he is hilarious, or Mark, because he's extremely fit.


----------



## Ellie10

Helen, I want Antony to win. He's like a hormonal woman, he cracks me up. Mark is a nice guy, great abs etc but he is as thick as mince, god love him. He probably has to write L and R inside his shoes as a reminder :awww:

Just realised that Antony might've gone already as I have two episodes to catch up on :dohh: Don't tell me if he has! 
x


----------



## blav

Ahhh Kelly and Suzanne!!!! I'm still crossing my fingers for both of you! This has to be the month!

Well, last night was my first back at work and it went well. It was kind of slow so a nice way to come back and settle in. Everyone was very sweet to me so, in a way, it's nice to have some normalcy back. 

Then, this morning I wake up and it looks like AF has arrived (see spots in my undies). I go to the bathroom and stuff and it's still this light pink spotting that I've had. This is kind of weird but I've decided to not even wear a liner as it's always when you're caught without one that AF starts! I just wish she would go full blow AF! Plus, with this random light spotting, how will I know when she really starts to know when I O??? This woman is really making me mad!


----------



## dnlfinker

Hi everybody, 
I am here with my DD this morning so its hard to login and check.
I am sorry Kelly and Suzanne about BFN but its not over. We just have to keep checking for another week. I been reading on this for some time and its still great possability that the levels are just not up yet. 

Kelly , How are you symptoms this morning , you mentioned last night taht you are feeling tired and sick?


blav, I am sorry about your witch being around the corner! The positive way to put it is that you are able to start the next cycle and that God willing you your rainbow will be joining you soon!


How are all the rainbow babies in the making today? I am so glad that I was able to add some of you to Facebook , its so nice to put faces no names! 

I WILL BE BACK TO CHECK AGAIN LATER , ONCE I GET MY LITTLE

:wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo:

MONKEY TO NAP. 

THE BEST DAY TO YOU ALL!


----------



## Hellylou

Ellie10 said:


> Helen, I want Antony to win. He's like a hormonal woman, he cracks me up. Mark is a nice guy, great abs etc but he is as thick as mince, god love him. He probably has to write L and R inside his shoes as a reminder :awww:
> 
> Just realised that Antony might've gone already as I have two episodes to catch up on :dohh: Don't tell me if he has!
> x

I wont say another word. Shouldn't have mentioned Mark or Dougie!!...:dohh:

Yeah, Mark is not blessed with brains. The last couple of nights have been hilarious, and there is a particularly funny Mark moment regarding geography for you to look forward to! :haha:


----------



## KamIAm

How are you feeling Nat & Susanne??? Any symptoms??? I am dying! Can't wait to see who gets their Christmas baby!!! Yay!! :xmas8:

AFM ... Still no AF... I'm feeling really icky... Super tired (lazy ) and that is NOT me, at all! Feeling very woozy :sick: , starved to death :munch: , but the only thing that makes me worry a bit... I am cramping .. More so than usual ... Is cramping normal for early pregnancy? Look like I'm gonna have to google again, I can't believe I can't remember all the lil "normals" ... Good Grief, I've only done this a few hundred times!! hahahaha ..

I did run to the store (again!!) and bought FRER, only bought 3 of the lil suckers sooo gonna make them last! I'm done buying them things this month dang it! :wacko: So, if I remember correctly.. I have 3 digi's left and now these to add to my collection .. 

So, how is everyone doing today??

Nikki.... Are ya hanging in there sweets? Xxx :flower:

How are all the momma's and babies doing? All feeling OK? 

I've been missing Tanya, Jo and Erica lately .. I'm sure I've forgot someone elses name.. (sorry) .. Hope all is Ok ... :hugs:

Andrea my love.... How are you doing today? Since our lovely chat earlier... :winkwink:

Well... I am counting down the minutes until my kids get home from school.... Miss them bunches and gonna have a fun movies night at the house :happydance: Just bought the movies "Smurf's"!! So fun times ahead for us!! 

:dust::dust::dust:


----------



## Ellie10

Hi to Blav and dnlfinker (so sorry, trying to get a grip on everyone's names still!)

Blav it took me months to get my cycle back on track after Ellie, I just kept spotting for weeks, it's so frustrating isn't it? Hopefully the witch is just around the corner and you can start moving forward again.

dnl I don't know why I'm even letting myself get my hopes up - it took me 2 years and two IVFs to get pregnant with Ellie. Really, I'm just trying naturally to keep myself busy until we get the money together for the next attempt at IVF, hopefully early next year. It gives me something to obsess over every month and keeps me off the streets :laugh2:

Helen, don't worry I'm just about to catch up with the other episodes before tonight. Mark and geography should be worth a watch! He is sweet though. I thought he seemed a bit of a plonker before I saw him on I'm a Celeb. Cheesy, mind, but sweet.

Bit worried now as I just started cramping really badly about an hour ago, bad enough to have to stop what I was doing and take some painkillers. Feels just like af cramps too :growlmad: Have started the knicker-checking just in case but will just have to wait it out. On the plus side though, if af rears her ugly mug tonight I can have lots of lovely wine instead of just one glass. Yay. :wine::drunk:

Kelly how are you doing? Any news??? 

x


----------



## Ellie10

Kelly - crossed posts there. I'm with you on the cramping. I'm just about cross-eyed with all the googling to see if it's a good sign or a bad one. And I still don't know :dohh:

Still keeping everything crossed for you! :hugs:


----------



## blav

Ellie10 said:


> Blav it took me months to get my cycle back on track after Ellie, I just kept spotting for weeks, it's so frustrating isn't it? Hopefully the witch is just around the corner and you can start moving forward again.
> 
> x


Gack, don't tell me that!

I had bleeding for two solid weeks after he was born. I've had very light spotting a couple of times that didn't even last an hour...it was almost like a drop and then done. I really hope she's on her way, I can't take this torture anymore! Plus, I would really like to conceive in January (so maybe I'm a little ambitious!)

I need to stop worrying about it or she'll never come. I think part of the stress comes from the fact that OH has to get circumcised (ouchie) in April and we really want to be pregnant before then as he won't be able to have sex for a while after that. 

While I'm doing an AF dance for myself, I'm doing an NO AF dance for you ladies!


----------



## Ellie10

Eek sorry!!! I had complications after Ellie though and ended up having to have a D & C 7 weeks after so I shouldn't have said that. (Kicks herself up the butt) :-O I'm sure your af is in the post right now! x


----------



## blav

Hahaha, thanks Suzanne, I hope you're right! Speaking of which...I'm going to go check the mail


----------



## Hellylou

Funny how some here are desperate for AF and others are willing it not to come! 

Cramping is definitely a sign of early preg. I had it all 3 times I've been pregnant. It feels like period pain so you think it's about to start, but it isn't that. Nature is a cruel tease!


----------



## KamIAm

Helen... I'm officially going insane!

Now I am trying to convince myself that there is NO way I could be preg! Keep telling myself that I somehow messed up and questioning how do I even know I O'd for sure or not, heck I didn't use a opk! :wacko: Just simply tracking my Af's ... What the heck kind of ttc is that? Good Grief Kelly!:dohh:

I'm going cray cray with all this being in limbo ..... :wacko:


----------



## Bride2b

Hi ladies,

I feel like an intruder as you all seem like good friends here. I am new to this part of the forum, almost a year ago I started lurking on the TTC forums, then graduated to first trimester in Aug when I got my BFP after what seemed like months of TTC & trying every trick in the book. Needless to say I was over the moon but always cautious about being pregnant. I posted my story earlier in this section of the site about my loss this week.

I feel a bit stronger after reading the messages people have left for me. I probably shouldnt even be thinking of this but.....how long did you all wait before trying again? From past ladies on here does it happen quite quickly in general as you are supposed to be more fertile after a baby?

I feel very lost not being pregnant & just want to be pregnant again.......now I know about labour and that I do actually have a maternal bone in my body (which I never thought I had) I dont feel scared that I couldnt cope with labour or that I wouldnt know what to do with a baby. I want to be a mum so desperately now....

Thanks ladies xx


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I feel like an intruder as you all seem like good friends here. I am new to this part of the forum, almost a year ago I started lurking on the TTC forums, then graduated to first trimester in Aug when I got my BFP after what seemed like months of TTC & trying every trick in the book. Needless to say I was over the moon but always cautious about being pregnant. I posted my story earlier in this section of the site about my loss this week.
> 
> I feel a bit stronger after reading the messages people have left for me. I probably shouldnt even be thinking of this but.....how long did you all wait before trying again? From past ladies on here does it happen quite quickly in general as you are supposed to be more fertile after a baby?
> 
> I feel very lost not being pregnant & just want to be pregnant again.......now I know about labour and that I do actually have a maternal bone in my body (which I never thought I had) I dont feel scared that I couldnt cope with labour or that I wouldnt know what to do with a baby. I want to be a mum so desperately now....
> 
> Thanks ladies xx

please don't feel like an intruder...I suppose we have gotten to know each other well but new people are joining us all the time (sadly) and it doesn't take long for them to become part of the furniture, we welcome all new friends here :hugs: just jump right in when you feel ready

ummm...it just took me less than a week to become obsessed (and I do mean obsessed) with the idea of TTC again...I missed being pregnant so much and I think my maternal hormones were just in overdrive after giving birth, and my life felt so empty. I did feel guilty about wanting to be pregnant so soon, but, hubby said our daughters deserved to be big sisters. We agreed between myself and hubby, and after advice from the docs, that we would try again after 3 months. So, I bought three months of prenatal vitamins and counted down the days that way...

I bled for a long time after giving birth (14 weeks in total), even for the whole month of my first cycle which started at ten weeks, I was still spotting, but, once I had my second period, it stopped, and off babymaking we went, luckily we caught the egg thanks to a little bit of craziness from me with a fertility monitor / temping and probably some good luck! and I got my BFP two days after my due date, it felt like a gift from my beautiful daughters. I'm now ten weeks and we are doing fine so far...it's scary but I am very happy.

I won't be content until I have my rainbow in my arms...but, it is possible to get pregnant fairly quickly, if that's what feels right for you...I have even heard of it happening for people within a month

xx


----------



## yazoo

Ok I think it might take me an hour to read all these posts. lol. Bear with me


----------



## Hellylou

KamIAm said:


> Helen... I'm officially going insane!
> 
> Now I am trying to convince myself that there is NO way I could be preg! Keep telling myself that I somehow messed up and questioning how do I even know I O'd for sure or not, heck I didn't use a opk! :wacko: Just simply tracking my Af's ... What the heck kind of ttc is that? Good Grief Kelly!:dohh:
> 
> I'm going cray cray with all this being in limbo ..... :wacko:

I have never used any kind of opks - I had to look up all these abbreviations when I joined this site. Now I know ALL about WTT to TTC, before DTD, so you can use OPKs to track O, then POAS with a HPT before AF comes and look out for the BFP! I am quite well versed these days!

Before I came here I thought you had sex and got pregnant. Little did I know!!



Bride2b said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I feel like an intruder as you all seem like good friends here. I am new to this part of the forum, almost a year ago I started lurking on the TTC forums, then graduated to first trimester in Aug when I got my BFP after what seemed like months of TTC & trying every trick in the book. Needless to say I was over the moon but always cautious about being pregnant. I posted my story earlier in this section of the site about my loss this week.
> 
> I feel a bit stronger after reading the messages people have left for me. I probably shouldnt even be thinking of this but.....how long did you all wait before trying again? From past ladies on here does it happen quite quickly in general as you are supposed to be more fertile after a baby?
> 
> I feel very lost not being pregnant & just want to be pregnant again.......now I know about labour and that I do actually have a maternal bone in my body (which I never thought I had) I dont feel scared that I couldnt cope with labour or that I wouldnt know what to do with a baby. I want to be a mum so desperately now....
> 
> Thanks ladies xx

Hi and welcome!! I am Helen :hugs: It's lovely to meet you x 

I am not trying again yet, after my loss in September, but I hope to be in the New Year. I know exactly how you feel right now. I was still in the hospital feeling completely devestated but immediately thinking about trying again. All I wanted was to be pregnant again. I just couldn't believe I wasn't any more, and each day I woke up with this awful realisation that it had really happened and it wasn't just a bad dream. 

I think there are some ladies here who have waited a few months to start trying, others I think slightly earlier. It is really up to you and also the doctors - at your follow up appointment they should give you an indication of what went wrong and talk about future pregnancies, so it's always worth waiting until then. Apart from anything, I think it's wise to allow yourself to heal physically (and of course emotionally). My doctor has advised at least 3 months before trying again to allow my body to recover, but I did have a pretty hard time of it afterwards, so it could be different for others. 

:hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

haha Helen, love how you are getting down with the lingo!!! It was alien to me too before I started TTC, I always thought you had sex and got pregnant too...who knew it was so hard??

Yes, I think that is good advice for bride2b regarding waiting for the follow up appt, I meant to say that too...it's good to check that there is nothing that needs to be fixed / treated / observed before you get pregnant again, to give you the best possible chance of having a good outcome. xx


----------



## dnlfinker

I know what you mean Helen, I had no idea about the TTC language before , but slowly I am getting the hang of it ! I tried talking this language to one of my coworkers and she was like " What are you talking about".

I think its pretty normal to want another baby after the loss. It is not like you are tryign to replace your little one , but rather its a way to help you deal with the emotions at taht time . I too felt the same way in the begining and kind of started to be angry at myself for wanting to try

Please dont beat yourself up , its a natural feeling 


Losts of LOVE to everybody

Natalie


----------



## Hellylou

I managed to work most of them out myself with a bit of logic, but it was the AF that stumped me for the longest time! I was thinking what the hell does that stand for? I worked out it meant period from the context, but was guessing stuff like Angry Friend! :headspin:


----------



## KamIAm

Bride2b said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I feel like an intruder as you all seem like good friends here. I am new to this part of the forum, almost a year ago I started lurking on the TTC forums, then graduated to first trimester in Aug when I got my BFP after what seemed like months of TTC & trying every trick in the book. Needless to say I was over the moon but always cautious about being pregnant. I posted my story earlier in this section of the site about my loss this week.
> 
> I feel a bit stronger after reading the messages people have left for me. I probably shouldnt even be thinking of this but.....how long did you all wait before trying again? From past ladies on here does it happen quite quickly in general as you are supposed to be more fertile after a baby?
> 
> I feel very lost not being pregnant & just want to be pregnant again.......now I know about labour and that I do actually have a maternal bone in my body (which I never thought I had) I dont feel scared that I couldnt cope with labour or that I wouldnt know what to do with a baby. I want to be a mum so desperately now....
> 
> Thanks ladies xx


Welcome Hon' .... :hugs:

I hate that your lil guy was taken and you are now here with us.... But so glad you found your way here....:hugs:

I found this website 8 months ago, right after my Emma was taken from me ... This has truely turned out to be the biggest blessing and my lifeline ...

Pretty much right after I gave birth to Emma those same feeling and desires came flooding in with me as well..... THink it's pretty natural ... :shrug:

Once I went in to see my doctor at my 6 week recheck, he said for us to wait at least 3 months... To give myself and my body time to heal... :flower:

It took us a wee bit longer for our hearts and souls to be healed enough to start ttc again, this is only our 2nd cycle... (But if Emma was my first, I wouldn't have waited... I would have jumped right back into ttc....)

Good Luck Hon' and be kind and gentle on yourself.... One huge lesson I have learned in this journey (nightmare)... Mourn at your own pace... You do whatever YOU need to do ... There is no wrong or right way or definately NO time line in grief ... :hugs:

We're always here for ya!!! :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

HA!!

I STILL have issues with some of the lingo.... I just go along with the flow or retreat back to the home page and look at their list of abbreviations! LOL!!!!!:dohh:


Good Grief! I am an emotional wreck today .... One minute I'm fine then next I'm crying ... I dont even know if I'm preg or not and I'm already replaying the day Emma was born in my head... Scared to death! And really missing my Emma .....


----------



## yazoo

Kelly, omg girl you have been busy. lol

Hey Nat, any update on AF? 

Hi Susanne. I had IB during Jakob's pregnancy. It was just a tiny bit of pink on the TP. I think I introduced myself, I can't remember. :wacko: Anyway my name is Tanya, just incase. :winkwink:

Hayley- I think I just got sick in my thought at the mention of minced pies. Yuck. The Xmas smileys are pretty cool I have to say but still dreading it but I got a little bit excited today while in TK Maxx- I picked up some lovely wee bits of Jakob's grave. The Toy Show is on tonight here in Ireland. It is on every Xmas and has been for decades. Really looking forward to that. 

Helen- I'm with ya bout forgetting things. I forgot my nephews birthday in October. I'm lucky my head is screwed on or I'd be forgetting it too. 

Oh I'm a Celebrity talk, I'm sitting watching a pre-recorded one at the mo. I want Mark to win. He seems like a nice lad and I like his pecks, he isn't the sharpest tool in the box mind.. 

Well done for surviving your first day back at work Blav. 

Bride2be- don't be silly, the more the merrier. Welcome to the crazy gang. lol. It sure has been crazy recently. Lots of us in the tww. I'm sorry I haven't seen your story yet. I have been AWOL lately so just catching up with the girls here until I have time to read through the other threads properly. I am very sorry for you loss. I hate that you have found your way here but you have come to a great place where you will experience tears, laughter and plenty of support. I waited for my follow up appt before ttc and I am so glad I did. Turns out I have a condition that is so dangerous for babies and it really needs to be treated. I'm so glad we waited to try. 

Helen- if only it was as easy to get pregnant. I bloody wish. This ttc business even takes the fun out of sex. Its like Oh come on get it over with. lol. Any other time I'd be giving out if spermies came too quickly. lol. OJ I'm not that mean. Oh I know all about the lingo now too. The one that confused me was PUPO- I think Kelly said it here one day and I was like what the hell is that but didn;t bother asking. I was walking about all day wondering what it'd bee muttering "poo-po" to myself. 

Anyway girls, afm- I have been a wee bit busy and OH has been hogging the laptop for work stuff and the pc is just sooo slow so I don't even bother. I am about 10dpo now- I have a feeling AF is on the way, my temp has been decreasing and I had bad cramps last night. TMI ALERT but Feeling very wet and keep checking for AF but nope just CM. I have tests here and all but I AM NOT TESTING. :happydance::happydance: I love my self restraint these days but I can't stand seeing a BFN. I will wait for a few more days and see if AF arrives and then I will join the POAS craziness but I don't think I will take Kelly's crown. She is the queen of Peeing on a stick. lol

Sorry about the BFN Kelly but I get the feeling your not getting too down about it. 

Mhairi- how are you hun? Has the cramps settled down?? Taking it easy I hope? xxx

I am not leaving it this long to reply again. I will fight OH for the laptop from now on. You girls are really keeping me on my toes but I love you all anyway. :hug::hug:


----------



## yazoo

Aww Kel- just seeing your last posts now. Sorry your feeling emotional today. That has been me for the past few days. Tears galore but I'm not bad today. 

Although I almost cried after doing my hair. I used a colour stripper to take my black out and now I am sitting with black, brown, orange and grey hair and I can't colour it because I have to wait a couple of weeks. :headspin::headspin::headspin: I'm getting a good laugh at it now though. It could only happen to me. OH is trying to tell me its lovely. Yeah right darlin- what are you looking for. lol


----------



## Ellie10

Tanya, thanks for the info on the IB you had, gives me hope. Trying not to think about it too much because if I've learned anything over the last 6 years ttc it's that I should never listen to my body, cos she's a lying *itch :shrug: haha. 

Helen, took me ages to get a grip on the lingo too, and AF was the one that got me too. I guessed from the context what it was but was months before I realised what the actual words were. Dopey cow :dohh: 

Bride2b - I've only just joined the group this week myself and already I'm amazed at how lovely everyone is, I'm sure you'll feel the same. As for ttc, I can only speak for myself obviously, but before I even left the hospital I was already thinking about trying again. Maybe it was the maternal hormones or just simply the overwhelming need to be pregnant again so I could get back into that hopeful place but I can tell you I felt almost desperate to try again straight away. Unfortunately I couldn't, due to lack of aftercare (I had none) I hemorrhaged badly 7 weeks later, lost 4 pints of blood and (sorry to be a total drama queen girls) was told that I was lucky I made it as I had no pulse when I got to A & E. Had a 3 pint transfusion and D & C and was back home in 5 days thankfully. Felt so sorry for my poor dh, he went through so much last year it's a wonder he's not a nervous wreck, god love him. Anyway, recovering from that took me a while. But, my feeling is that you will know yourself when you're ready and you should just go for it. 

For anyone watching I'm A Celeb..... have just watch another episode and have to say I am now rooting for mark to win too. He doesn't seem to have a nasty bone in his (very lovely!) body. 

Well, my cramps finally died down after about 3 hours but they did get pretty bad at one point. But still no sign of AF, however, sorry for TMI but my cm has gone watery like it does just before AF so I'm not very hopeful. Never mind.

Right, I am now going to watch some appalling televison and try to get myself to bed before my drunken dh gets back from his work's xmas party :wacko: he has previous for waking me up and talking me through the whole night out (and he is a stockbroker and my god his workmates are bloody dull) :nope: 

Hello to anyone I have missed, I'm trying to follow the thread as best I can but sorry if I missed anyone.  Hugs to you all :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Ellie10

Aww Kelly I'm so sorry you're feeling all over the place but it's totally understandable hon. You deserve a medal for staying sane so far. Sending you some PMA  xxxxx
xxxx


----------



## Hellylou

Ellie10 said:


> Tanya, thanks for the info on the IB you had, gives me hope. Trying not to think about it too much because if I've learned anything over the last 6 years ttc it's that I should never listen to my body, cos she's a lying *itch :shrug: haha.
> 
> Helen, took me ages to get a grip on the lingo too, and AF was the one that got me too. I guessed from the context what it was but was months before I realised what the actual words were. Dopey cow :dohh:
> 
> Bride2b - I've only just joined the group this week myself and already I'm amazed at how lovely everyone is, I'm sure you'll feel the same. As for ttc, I can only speak for myself obviously, but before I even left the hospital I was already thinking about trying again. Maybe it was the maternal hormones or just simply the overwhelming need to be pregnant again so I could get back into that hopeful place but I can tell you I felt almost desperate to try again straight away. Unfortunately I couldn't, due to lack of aftercare (I had none) I hemorrhaged badly 7 weeks later, lost 4 pints of blood and (sorry to be a total drama queen girls) was told that I was lucky I made it as I had no pulse when I got to A & E. Had a 3 pint transfusion and D & C and was back home in 5 days thankfully. Felt so sorry for my poor dh, he went through so much last year it's a wonder he's not a nervous wreck, god love him. Anyway, recovering from that took me a while. But, my feeling is that you will know yourself when you're ready and you should just go for it.
> 
> For anyone watching I'm A Celeb..... have just watch another episode and have to say I am now rooting for mark to win too. He doesn't seem to have a nasty bone in his (very lovely!) body.
> 
> Well, my cramps finally died down after about 3 hours but they did get pretty bad at one point. But still no sign of AF, however, sorry for TMI but my cm has gone watery like it does just before AF so I'm not very hopeful. Never mind.
> 
> Right, I am now going to watch some appalling televison and try to get myself to bed before my drunken dh gets back from his work's xmas party :wacko: he has previous for waking me up and talking me through the whole night out (and he is a stockbroker and my god his workmates are bloody dull) :nope:
> 
> Hello to anyone I have missed, I'm trying to follow the thread as best I can but sorry if I missed anyone. Hugs to you all :hugs::hugs:

HOLY CRAP girl - I thought I had a rough time of it afterwards but I didn't actually nearly die! Jeeez...that really sucks! I am so glad you are ok :hugs: 

Tanya - I know, I was so naive about making babies. I guess I was always blessed in that respect, in that it wasn't difficult to make em for us, when for so many others I know since coming here how long, draining and soul destroying it can be, and until I lost Thomas I was blissfully naive about things going wrong... My biggest fear before I lost him was that there might be something wrong with him, as my 10 year old son is autistic with learning difficulties. It is always a risk as it can run in families. He's wonderful, but very hard work. My 12 year old daughter is fine, so it was quite a shock when he began to show signs of things being not right (I knew when he was a baby). So that was always my concern in pregnancy, not that it would have really mattered in the long run. I never thought for a minute he wouldn't actually make it here to join us at all... I think now, after all this, nothing could shock me.


----------



## Ellie10

Helen I'm almost embarrassed to mention what happened after I lost Ellie because it seems so outlandish. After not telling me she was born alive, they also told me I had delivered a boy so I had a funeral for a son I named Freddy, and grieved for a son I never had for 7 weeks before I got a call telling me they had got the sex wrong. This is at 19 weeks, unbelievable. Even the post mortem report said the external genitalia were female but a senior midwife and a consultant still got it wrong. That really messed with my head for a long time, I kept saying 'he' instead of 'she' when I talked about her and that killed me. It also took months to get the birth and death certificates changed because you have to involve lawyers etc so that was a total faff in itself. 

The hemorrhage was just the last in a long line of *uck ups and if I'd had the energy last year to take any action against the hospital I would have. I did receive a formal apology a week after the birth for not telling me Ellie was born alive but to be honest that was cancelled out when the head midwife who attended the birth (and got the sex wrong) rang to ask me if she could attend the funeral as a mark of respect and then turned up wearing skin-tight jeans, hooker shoes and a spangly vest top :growlmad: There's all our family sombre in their Sunday best and she trots in looking like she's just staggered out of a karaoke bar. She was lucky I didn't knock her on her *rse, I can tell you but that's in the past so no point dwelling I suppose.

Back to my crappy tv! :happydance:

xxx


----------



## Ellie10

Oh god, just read my post and it is just soooo depressing. Sorry girls, please don't think I'm being all dramatic, I'm really not. I'm fine now and it all kind of feels like it happened to someone else, if you know what I mean. I was just really unlucky in that I had the worst hospital ever nearest to me. In fact I deliberately didn't choose that hospital for my antenatal care because it had such an awful reputation, but on the day, in an emergency we went there. 

On a happier note, I've had two glasses of wine and wey hey, I'm feeling gooood!!!! 

Mind you, no more for me tonight, as much as I'd love to wipe myself into oblivion so I don't have to watch dh climb the stairs to bed on all fours later. He doesn't drink much and sadly gets in a right old mess on these occasions. But, I must be good 

xx


----------



## babylou

Ellie10 said:


> Helen I'm almost embarrassed to mention what happened after I lost Ellie because it seems so outlandish. After not telling me she was born alive, they also told me I had delivered a boy so I had a funeral for a son I named Freddy, and grieved for a son I never had for 7 weeks before I got a call telling me they had got the sex wrong. This is at 19 weeks, unbelievable. Even the post mortem report said the external genitalia were female but a senior midwife and a consultant still got it wrong. That really messed with my head for a long time, I kept saying 'he' instead of 'she' when I talked about her and that killed me. It also took months to get the birth and death certificates changed because you have to involve lawyers etc so that was a total faff in itself.
> 
> The hemorrhage was just the last in a long line of *uck ups and if I'd had the energy last year to take any action against the hospital I would have. I did receive a formal apology a week after the birth for not telling me Ellie was born alive but to be honest that was cancelled out when the head midwife who attended the birth (and got the sex wrong) rang to ask me if she could attend the funeral as a mark of respect and then turned up wearing skin-tight jeans, hooker shoes and a spangly vest top :growlmad: There's all our family sombre in their Sunday best and she trots in looking like she's just staggered out of a karaoke bar. She was lucky I didn't knock her on her *rse, I can tell you but that's in the past so no point dwelling I suppose.
> 
> Back to my crappy tv! :happydance:
> 
> xxx

That must have been really awful for you. I know that the nurses on duty when I delivered Samuel wouldn't tell me gender, we had to wait for the amnio results to confirm. The nurses said that even if they are 99% sure that they knew they weren't allowed to say. It was hard for us to hear that because at the time it's all you want to know. :cry:

At least you did eventually find out, and were able to put it right. 

love and hugs :hugs::hugs:

(P.S. I think Dougie should win Celeb - AND i'm not a McFly fan either!):winkwink:


----------



## yazoo

OMG Susanne, I'm so sorry that happened to you. That must have been an awful thing to go through. How could the idiots get it so wrong and that stupid midwife. grrr. 

Don't be sorry for sharing your story. It isn't depressing. We are here to listen to everything. 

Anyway I'm going to go watch the Toy Show and enjoy a nice cool bottle of beer. I had a hankering for one all day and sent OH off to the shop. Haven't drank in ages but tonight its DRINK TIL ITS PINK. :fool:


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## Ellie10

Helen I'm almost embarrassed to mention what happened after I lost Ellie because it seems so outlandish. After not telling me she was born alive, they also told me I had delivered a boy so I had a funeral for a son I named Freddy, and grieved for a son I never had for 7 weeks before I got a call telling me they had got the sex wrong. This is at 19 weeks, unbelievable. Even the post mortem report said the external genitalia were female but a senior midwife and a consultant still got it wrong. That really messed with my head for a long time, I kept saying 'he' instead of 'she' when I talked about her and that killed me. It also took months to get the birth and death certificates changed because you have to involve lawyers etc so that was a total faff in itself. 

The hemorrhage was just the last in a long line of *uck ups and if I'd had the energy last year to take any action against the hospital I would have. I did receive a formal apology a week after the birth for not telling me Ellie was born alive but to be honest that was cancelled out when the head midwife who attended the birth (and got the sex wrong) rang to ask me if she could attend the funeral as a mark of respect and then turned up wearing skin-tight jeans, hooker shoes and a spangly vest top :growlmad: There's all our family all sombre in their Sunday best and she trots in looking like she's just staggered out of a karaoke bar. She was lucky I didn't knock her on her *rse, I can tell you but that's in the past so no point dwelling I suppose.

Back to my crappy tv! :happydance:

xxx


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## Ellie10

Just lost a post. Ack. Got serious mushy brain tonight. Mind you, that's nothing new :happydance: And had NOTHING at all to do with the wine :wacko:

xxx


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## jojo23

hey girls..eeek i feel like ive missed everything lol

welcome to suzanne and bride to be... i hope we can help you girls in whatever way you need, im so sorry you both found a reason to be here and my thoughts are with you xx

kelly i hope your feeling better hun, sometimes its good to have a right old cry and let out all the emotions!! better out than in...

andrea how are you hun????xxx

tanya lol im laughing thinking of your hair, wish i was nearer to you and id fix ya up lol (im a hairdresser!dunno if i mentioned lol)i know this month is tough on you but im always thinking of you xxxx

Mhairi how are you feeling??hope everything is going well.

dont want to be waffling all night lol so all my other lovely ladies how are you?and how are we on the baby making??????any news yet xxxxxxxxxxxxx

love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Nikki_d72

Hi Ladies, my Gawd, there's heaps to catch up on again! Good to see you all so chatty! 

Bride2b, you're so welcome here, you're not invading at all, unfortunately we do have to welcome new ladies here quite often, I mean unfortunately bacause I wish no-one ever had to come join us in this section. You'dre more than welcome to just hang with us till you decide to try, or whatever you decide. I know what you mean about wanting to be pregnant immediately, it's such an awful empty feeling. I would also second what Helen said about waiting for the follow-up though, to see what would be done next time, to give you the best outcome, but it's totally up to you. I'm not sure about the fertile after a loss thing, I've read that a lot in M/C but not sure if it applies to birthing situations like ours?

Kelly, still all the best for you hon, hope you're hanging on in there! 

Helen, I've forgotten everything since this happened to us, my OH unfortunately relies on me too to remember everything so we forgot MIL's birthday too, but she was s**tty enough to call up and lay the guilties on DH about it. I've not been impressed with her at all since we lost the boys TBH and we have to go there for Xmas, gah! Anyway, my point is, most folk will understand and it seems to be common to have mushy brain syndrome from what everyone else is saying here. I've decided it's time DH took responsibility for remembering his own families birthdays now anyway - he must have before he met me, so why should I be the one to do it all now? I've got a terrible memory at the best of times anyway. I also forgot my Mum and Dad's anniversary but she's never mentioned it and I just realised it was my nephew's b'day a couple of days before and Mum offered to get something for him from me, so that was good. I have everything written on a calendar on the wall but then I froget to check the demn thing!

Suzanne, my God, you were put though it hon! Don't worry about being dramatic, you're just telling it like it is. You can't be upbeat about it all the time! I hope you get to California one day. I came travelling here with my mates from Glasgow, who I lived in Ireland with, supposedly for a year. I started to really enjoy myself after a bit of a bad start so decided to stay another year. In that time I met my DH, even though I'd no intention of getting hooked up with a Kiwi, as I didn't want to give myself the dilemma of staying here or not but these things tend to happen when you're not looking for it, don't they? Anyway we got together and OOps I fell pregnant pretty quickly. looking back it was the best thing to happen, I don't think I would have ever decided "right, time to settle down now". I was blessed that he was the right guy for me and we've been together ever since. We came back to Scotland when DD was a few months old and we ended up staying for 7 years - we bought a house to do up and it took over our lives forever. We just got back here a year ago last March so I haven't been back snce then but my Mum offered us tickets to go and visit after we lost the boys but I wasn't on the form then to get on a plane for 36 hrs! I might take her up on it soon though but don't want to miss yet another summer here and go into 2 winters again. (that happened both times we moved!)

Blav, hope the witch turns up soon so you can get on with TTC.

hope all the rest of you are well, sorry I've forgotten lots but can't scroll back and if I can't read it I can't remember!

xxx


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## Ellie10

Ladies, having just posted such depressing posts I thought I'd share something a little lighter with you, and which shows my extraordinary stupitidy. As improbable as it might sound, I was recently publicly reprimanded for drugging my imaginary baby...

Two weeks ago I bought a book by Dr Alan Beer about infertility and immune testing etc, and in it he recommends taking a low-dose of 'baby aspirin' while you're trying to conceive to improve blood flow to your ovaries and womb, and since I'll try anything once I popped in to my local pharmacy that morning to get some. I couldn't find any on the shelves so I went to the counter and without thinking I asked the girl behind the till for 'baby aspirin'. She looked a bit blank for a second until I explained I meant the low-dose 75mg one, and she then fetched a bottle from a shelf behind her. As she was ringing it up she asked me if they were for my baby. She had obviously misunderstood my request for 'baby aspirin', but being in a bit of a rush and also not really wanting to go into the fact that I needed them to give my creaking old ovaries a bit of a boost, I just said 'Yes' thinking that would be the end of it and I'd be on my merry way home to blood-thinning heaven. Nope. Looking slightly alarmed, she asked me how old my baby was. Bloody hell. I now either lie again or look like a total looper. 'Erm, he's 18 months' I replied, realising this conversation was moving slowly into the surreal. 'I really don't think you're supposed to give these to babies, you know.... wait here, I'm going to have to get the pharmacist'. Eek. I am seriously considering doing a runner at this point, why did I have to say 'yes'? A minute later out comes a stern looking man in a white coat, presumably the pill-pusher, with till-girl in tow, who is now clearly delighted at catching her first child-abuser. This is how the conversation went;

Pharmacist: You haven't been giving these to your baby, have you?!
Me: (Reaching into my handbag for a spade to dig myself in a bit deeper) Oh no, no...I just, well...he hasn't been very well... 
Pharmacist: (Looking highly suspicious) What's wrong with him?
Me: (desperately trying to think of a non life-threatening ailment that might require aspirins) 'He's got, er...a cold,...headache, runny nose and stuff...and well, he's just a bit under the weather (shut up Susanne. Shut up NOW)
Pharmacist: Well you can't give him aspirins, do you know how dangerous these are to children?! They could kill your baby! You CANNOT give these to babies! What else have you given your baby for this cold? (by his tone and the way he was glaring at me he was obviously thinking something along the lines of crack cocaine)

How in god's name did I manage to get myself into this; i am standing here being bollocked for poisoning a child that doesn't actually exist. Also, I'm thinking we are starting to drift towards a possible citizen's arrest and a call to Social Services here - it's time to 'fess up. So I meekly mumbled 'I'm really sorry, the aspirins are actually for me. I don't even have a baby'.... and went swiftly from baby-drugger to mad-woman who invents babies. Lordy lord :-O


----------



## Ellie10

Nikki, sorry I'm just obsessed with emmigrating. So sick of the damp british weather  Sometimes I get angry that I'm so far from my family but hey, life ain't perfect. Got to stick it out xx


----------



## KamIAm

Girls .... I know, I know, I am bogging up this thread with my crazy rambling but i can't help it!

All afternoon, I have felt terrible.. physically.... Nausea and exhaustion has settled in keeping my company ..... Wheww ... Wow ...:sick:

I can NOT explain how sick I feel.... The last time I felt like this was in my early pregnancy with Em' .... Really! :happydance:


----------



## mhazzab

Susanne I bet you just wanted the ground to swallow you up during that encounter with the pharmacist! Oops!

Kelly I'm so glad to hear you are feeling rubbish and still have no AF...please please please get on here in the morning with your poas results!! I will be stalking you 

Just heading to bed now...so just a quick post from me, hope you are all well xxx


----------



## Bride2b

Thanks ladies for welcom


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## Bride2b

Ooops doing this on my Phone!!!

Thanks for welcoming me here,u all seem so lovely & cheerful considering we r all here for the same reason!

I do plan on waiting until my consultants appointment to even considering ttc again. I know that the appointment will only confirm that there was nothing wrong my little one as I know it was my cervix from my Leep 2 years ago. When I do fall pregnant my doctors the midwives & the hospital will probably need to take out a restraining order in me! I am just impatient I guess to get on with things, I want my body to be ready for the next pregnancy & don't want to compromise my next little uns health. 

Good luck to u all on the tww,I hate that wait!!x


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## Hellylou

Hooray for Kelly's sickness! Keep it up! Just kidding...sorry you're feeling rough but hey, it's looking promising! :headspin:

Susanne, that is hilarious, and surreal. I think you should write a book! On the baby aspirin front, though, I was told by consultant that I should take it as soon as I get a BFP, not before, because it can interfere with conceiving. Not sure how or why. She said to wait to get the positive result, then start on it straight away. :shrug:

I'm miles from my family too, and we are in the same neck of the woods I see, so most likely same hospital we are talking about...:winkwink:


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## Ellie10

Babylou you know I would rather they had not just guessed so I didn't have a funeral for a fictional boy baby. I think the hospital were panicking because any live birth has to be registered within 5 days. Nobheads


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## Nikki_d72

Suzanne, that's brilliant! Sorry, I know it's not brilliant, but you know what I mean, how do we get ourselves into these things? I bet you'll never darken their door again! You poor thing, thanks for sharing that though.

So are most of your family in Cali then? Sorry I thought it was just a cuzzie. I don't miss the weather, I must admit, just my family. ETA, I've just realised you are down south, that's whay so far away from family. Also we've cross-posted, I wasn't saying the story about your wee girl being called a boy was good,I meant the chemist's story. I'm such a slow typist, sorry! That was awful, I can't believe how many ar*e-ups they made with you in hospital, it's terrible.

Kelly, woop-woop, can't wait for you wake up in your mornng and pee!

AFM, I've decided that I have a cyst that has stopped me ovulating. My AF is normally about 5+ days, with flow for the first 3 days. The last 2 times it has only lasted 2 days, with full-on flow for the first day and night, then just it tailing off after that. I've found some other posts saying similar and the lady had a cyst that stopped her Ov-ing. It would make sense as I've had Ov type pain in my left side for a couple of months now it seems and didn't have very convicing OV symptoms and I usually do. I better make an appt with the Ob I suppose but I don't think there's much that can be done except wait anyway. Night all of you Northern Hemisphere ladies, I'll speak to you tommorrow. 

I'm loving all the chat here. xxx


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## Ellie10

Helen I am hoping Arrowe Park isn't on your radar! 

Like I said, the aspirin thing is totally random, and this Dr Alan Beer recommends taking aspirin to boost blood flow to the ovaries and womb. Sorry, i'm giving it a go! 

Testing again in the morning, 11dpo.... slap me silly if you so please...
x


----------



## Hellylou

Ellie10 said:


> Helen I am hoping Arrowe Park isn't on your radar!
> 
> Like I said, the aspirin thing is totally random, and this Dr Alan Beer recommends taking aspirin to boost blood flow to the ovaries and womb. Sorry, i'm giving it a go!
> 
> Testing again in the morning, 11dpo.... slap me silly if you so please...
> x

That's the one! I thought things had improved since I had my daughter there 12 years ago and after that horrendous experience I had my son at Countess, but that was utter crap also. But they did it all out this time so I thought it was better now? A couple of friends have had babies there recently and I think it was ok, but I don't know. I never got to the maternity bit I was in gynaecology because I was 16 weeks.


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls..eeek i feel like ive missed everything lol
> 
> welcome to suzanne and bride to be... i hope we can help you girls in whatever way you need, im so sorry you both found a reason to be here and my thoughts are with you xx
> 
> kelly i hope your feeling better hun, sometimes its good to have a right old cry and let out all the emotions!! better out than in...
> 
> andrea how are you hun????xxx
> 
> tanya lol im laughing thinking of your hair, wish i was nearer to you and id fix ya up lol (im a hairdresser!dunno if i mentioned lol)i know this month is tough on you but im always thinking of you xxxx
> 
> Mhairi how are you feeling??hope everything is going well.
> 
> dont want to be waffling all night lol so all my other lovely ladies how are you?and how are we on the baby making??????any news yet xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> love to you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I am doing ok, just going to the doctor and doing things, how are ya feeling? 
Love you all and I hope you all get your BFP's soon... XOXOXO


----------



## Ellie10

ah kelly don't apologise, just go home and cook that BFP for us!!!:hugs::hugs::hugs:
x


----------



## Ellie10

Helen Arrowe Park is bad but Countess isn't much better! I had my antenatal there because I'd heard how awful arrowe park was but my god, countess was shocking! Crowds of pregnant women in the corriders, then they lost my urine sample and to be honest the whole place smelt mouldy. Eek. Anyway, we decided to go for the Liverpool Women's Hospital, but sadly was too far on the day so we ended up at arrowe park; Bummer. x


----------



## Hellylou

Ellie10 said:


> Helen Arrowe Park is bad but Countess isn't much better! I had my antenatal there because I'd heard how awful arrowe park was but my god, countess was shocking! Crowds of pregnant women in the corriders, then they lost my urine sample and to be honest the whole place smelt mouldy. Eek. Anyway, we decided to go for the Liverpool Women's Hospital, but sadly was too far on the day so we ended up at arrowe park; Bummer. x

I went there thinking I could have a better experience and even..haha..a water birth! Unfortunately my son decided to start making an appearance in the middle of the night, just like my daughter did, and not only could I not get a water birth, I was half an hour away from delivering him in the assessment room. :thumbup:


----------



## Ellie10

damn, still getting it wong, sorry you lovely people..


----------



## kiki04

:rofl: Angry friend :rofl: I love that so much better then aunt flo :rofl:

You girls are sooo chatty its hard to keep up! I only have a min but I will read more later.. Kelly keep up the good news!! Sickness is a good thing! :dance:


----------



## KamIAm

Uh oh..... Think I'm getting a visit from the witch! : ( Got home from dinner and when I wiped, I seen a tiny smear tint of something!!!!!! Guess well see.....


----------



## blav

KamIAm said:


> Uh oh..... Think I'm getting a visit from the witch! : ( Got home from dinner and when I wiped, I seen a tiny smear tint of something!!!!!! Guess well see.....

NOOOOOO!!!!! I hate that for you, I hope it's nothing. Keep us posted, hun!

I got home and there was actually some substance to the spotting I've been having so I'm really hoping AF is here for me.

Too much to catch up on and too tired from work. I'll read up about you lovely ladies later!


----------



## babesx3

:hi:
Just popping in to change the group name :)
Sorry not got time to catch up propperly its morning chaos here :wacko:
but wanted to drop in some :hugs:
and a bit of :dust: to those that need it :friends: xxx


Nats XX


----------



## winterwonder

Morning everyone!

Blav - I'm jealous that you might have AF coming, i still havent had a proper one for nearly 13 weeks! although for the last 3 days i've had period pains but still nothing! i think i'm going mad, every time i go to toilet i'm desperately checking for something!

Suzanne - I'm sorry about what the hospital did to you and the way the midwife dressed (i would've told her to peep off). My mum told me what i had, i hadn't wanted to know straight away, and she said to me afterwards, " shall i go and tell jon that you've had him" my OH bless him had fallen asleep on the sofa in the lounge connected to our little room in the hospital, not that i minded really.

Bride2be - Welcome, I'm sorry you had to join us but i think it really is quite nice over here away from the rest of the forum! I think its only natural to want a baby again after losing one, but like the others have said wait till your follow up appt, hopefully they'll be able to provide you with more support the next time round!

To everyone else :dust:

Christine xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Right another mammoth post - because you girls are talking for Britian / America / New Zealand and wherever else :rofl: 

Blav glad your first night back at work went OK :hugs: I dreaded my first day back but once I was there it wasnt as bad as I had made it in my mind - and you're right sometimes it is nice to have some normalcy. The hard part came for me a week or so after being back though when I wanted to scream at everyone for being normal! Grief is a strange thing :hugs: I'm sorry you are being messed around by AF! Have you tried using OPKs? They are great for helping to pinpoint O time especially when your body is still adjusting. 

:rofl: Kelly! I'm sure you did O hun and not everyone uses OPKs when TTC, but maybe - if this is not your cycle (which I think it is!) then you could think about using them this month? More sticks to pee on :happydance: 
I'm sorry you're feeling like your on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster hun :( I dont know why, maybe hormones? But I have been feeling the same lately - I keep replaying Emilys birth and the days leading up to it - thinking about silly things like what I said to the midwives and how I heard the other babies crying on the labour ward. I think its just this time of year and everyone going on about it being a time for family - well our families wont be complete this year - there will be little beautiful people missing.
I hope that little spot was just some IB and not :witch:! Keep us updated - I'm rooting for you :happydance:

Bride2b - welcome, I'm Amanda :hugs: I am sorry we are meeting under these circumstances but I'm glad you found us. Please dont be scared and just join in - we are all a bit crazy but pretty much harmless. Most of us have been around these parts for a few months so we do 'know' each other but we can get to know you too! As for how long did I wait well the night Emily was born I said I never wanted to go through this again and if that meant no children then so be it, the next day all I wanted more than anything was a baby. I knew I couldnt get Emily back no matter what I did so I wanted to TTC as soon as we could. We were given the all clear straight away but due to complications it was 3 months later before we tried, and I fell the first proper cycle of trying.

Tanya! 10dpo already exciting :happydance: Fingers crossed for you hun! We need to see some BFPs this month after all you ladies hard work :haha:

Susanne I cant believe you went through all that with Ellie :cry: You know its not to late to put a formal complaint in - I'm so shocked :cry: I'm not sure now who it was but I'm sure someone else was told something similar about having had the wrong sex and were left to believe they had had a son when infact it was a girl. That would have really messed with my head :hugs: Thankfully (?) we knew Emily was a girl at 13 weeks, 4 weeks before she was born, because we had to have the CVS testing which came back positive for Turners which is a female only condition. And that midwifes behaviour is disgusting! I think my OH would have blown up and demanded she left. What a bitch! Please dont be sorry for sharing - most days this is a happy thread but its also here for rants and moans too! :hugs: We all understand, sadly.

Oh have just read your later post and nearly spurted by orange juice all over the laptop laughing so much! that sounds like something i would do!

Jojo :hugs: nice to see you back not seen you about in a few days. How are you and baba? Well I hope :hugs:

Nats thank you for changing the group name :hugs: Hope all is well with you and yours! 

AFM: Well I think my hormones are going cuckoo! I cried the other night at Deal or No Deal when the lady dealt at 10k and had the 250k box... and then last night at Four in A Bed (which for those that dont know is not a rude programme its about competing B&B owners and I cried when the houseboat won :shrug:) :haha:

Anyway I'm off to get dressed and take some christmassy decorations to Emily :flower:


----------



## yazoo

I see the name has been changed. Looks good. :flower:

Joelene, I wish you were nearer to me too. Why do you have to be the other side of the country? I'm glad you got a good laugh at my expense. lol Thank you hun, your the best. xxxx

Oh Susanne- you must have wanted the ground to swallow you up. I must admit though I had a wee chuckle reading that. Sounds like something that'd happen to me. The consultant put me on aspirin at the last appt to thin my blood. She knew we were ttc again so I'm sure she wouldn't have put me on it if it was going to hinder the chances of getting pregnant. In fact she actually said it would help implantation. I have read alot of good things about it. 

I hope you get that sorted out Nikki. 

I'm ok Andrea thanks, Is you ticker right?? Sorry I can't remember where u are in your cycle. 

Ohh No Kelly, I hope not. I have everything crossed. xxxx

Lol Amanda, I think you have beaten me with crying at Deal or No Deal- my all time low was Jeremy Kyle. :blush: I bet Emily will love her decoration. xxx

Sooo 11 dpo today and not testing. Temps are quite low so I think thats enough of a sign that I'm out this month. :nope:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Bride2b said:


> Thanks ladies for welcom


Welcome here, my name is Andrea. Glad you are here :hugs::hugs:


yazoo said:


> I see the name has been changed. Looks good. :flower:
> 
> Joelene, I wish you were nearer to me too. Why do you have to be the other side of the country? I'm glad you got a good laugh at my expense. lol Thank you hun, your the best. xxxx
> 
> Oh Susanne- you must have wanted the ground to swallow you up. I must admit though I had a wee chuckle reading that. Sounds like something that'd happen to me. The consultant put me on aspirin at the last appt to thin my blood. She knew we were ttc again so I'm sure she wouldn't have put me on it if it was going to hinder the chances of getting pregnant. In fact she actually said it would help implantation. I have read alot of good things about it.
> 
> I hope you get that sorted out Nikki.
> 
> I'm ok Andrea thanks, Is you ticker right?? Sorry I can't remember where u are in your cycle.
> 
> Ohh No Kelly, I hope not. I have everything crossed. xxxx
> 
> Lol Amanda, I think you have beaten me with crying at Deal or No Deal- my all time low was Jeremy Kyle. :blush: I bet Emily will love her decoration. xxx
> 
> Sooo 11 dpo today and not testing. Temps are quite low so I think thats enough of a sign that I'm out this month. :nope:

Yes I think my ticker is right. I got it early last month it was only 25 days. 
Love you all and I hope you all are feeling well.
Kelly, still praying for you and hoping ..Love You XOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs:

*Sorry if I forgot anyone my mind is somewhere else today XOXO*


Joelene.. Welcome to the group.. :hugs::hugs: sorry fi I missed anyone that is new..:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Amanada, how ya feeling, love? I hope good..

JoJo... Hope you are feeling good, love ya..
Helen, hope your feeling good also..
Nat, you never called me last night I wrote you on facebook, I hope you are ok, call me later..xoxxo 
Amanda, hope your feeling good and I love ya too//
Mhari, love ya so happy things are going well.. XOXOOX
Welcome to everyone new..XOXOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Ellie10

Girls, thanks for all your lovely comments about my tales of woe. Big hugs to you all. This is just a quick post because I'm on my way out in a minute but just wanted to say I got another BFN this morning. But I did a really stupid thing (just for a change) and took the test apart because I thought I could see a line. I took the strip out for a minute and then put it straight back in again and when I looked at it again there was a very clear skinny blue line (it was a clearblue test). Aaaargh. So now I don't know whether the line would have come up anyway or if I caused it by faffing about with it. I'm thinking it's just a really bad evap from taking the strip out and well, it serves me right! 

Will have to wait and do another test later. Why do I do these things? WHY? I even annoy myself.... :-(

Will pop back later. Kelly, how are you holding up? Really hope af has stayed away xxx


----------



## KamIAm

:xmas3: Good Morning Ladies .... 

Well... I'm out .... Woke up this morning to test, when I wiped there was more pink.... So, I didn't even test... Pretty sure the witch is arriving .... :xmas11:

Not quite sure how I feel... Well, I know confused is a big one... Wow, how your mind sends you to La La Land when your AF is late, and I have NEVER been late before, tracking my AF I'm a pro at.... Lots of re-evaluating to do... I don't do this rollercoaster stuff very well ..... 

Thanks for letting me rant & ramble during those chaotic last few days...:xmas2:

ANYWAYS ...

Andrea, that is a wonderful idea!! I've been wanting to lose some weight that I recently picked up... With Em' I only gained a couple pounds BUT it was afterwards that got me... I didn't care.... I quit excercising and didn't care what I ate or when I ate it.... So, after 8 months of not caring about what I look like.. I'm the heaviest I've ever been (well, not preg weight & size) ... My tummy is the worst! Gag! So, You my dear have inspired me... I am gonna start doing my walk/run again... heck I have more than enough time now..... Thank you friend!!! :hugs::hugs:

Nat, How are you today? Get your AF or a BFP yet??????? You are now 7 days late right????

Mhairi, Amanda, Jojo, Erica .... (anyone hear from Sarah, Evelyn's mom?) ... How are all you girls feeling??? Hope to God I didnt' miss anyone... :dohh:

Tanya.... FX'd can't wait to hear updates!!!! :xmas8: Good Grief, we HAVE to have at least 1 BFP this month, Geez! 

Nikki ... How are ya? I think a lot about ya chicka :hugs: 

Well ... You all have a great day!!! :xmas7:


----------



## collie_crazy

Noooo Kelly :( I'm so sorry the witch is on her way! HATE HER :growlmad: 

Sarah (evelyns mum) is on holiday in Cape Verde I think just now - not sure when she is due back... I'm jealous!


----------



## mhazzab

Kelly I'm sorry, damn witch. Sending you lots of :hugs:

Xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Ah Kelly boooo I'm sorry to hear the witch is here. It looked so promising...:cry:

Susanne, dismantling the test stick - you really crack me up! I'm so glad you've joined our crazy group. :hugs:

BTW Tanya, I too have cried at Jeremy Kyle. I hang my head in shame.


----------



## Ellie10

Kelly so so sorry the witch is on her way, I was feeling so hopeful for you too x

helen, I know, what am I like? I seriously need help :-O

Just got back and rooted around in the bathroom for some IC tests I had stashed away (don't want to waste any of my 'real' tests until tomorrow) and while I was looking I found some OPKs so I thought I might as well pee on them too. Told you I was an addict, didn't I?? So the IC was BFN but the OPK was a blazing positive. Wtf? Now I know you can use OPKs as HPTs but from what I've read you'll only get a positive OPK AFTER a BFP, not before. So....now I'm thinking I'm maybe ovulating now and jesus I just can't be bothered to get jiggy today. I need time to prepare myself mentally for that kind of caper after 6 years of ttc  But I'm really confused as the CBFM gave me PEAKs 12 days ago and I've had all the usual signs I get after ovulation. Do you think it's possible that I'm ovulating again??
Thanks girlies xx


----------



## mhazzab

Wow Susanne...trying not to get too excited here lol. Ummmm I don't suppose you temp do you? 
Sounds like you need to pee on more sticks again but if you are preggers it may not show unless it's morning pee so you might need to wait till tmrw booooo! If Cbfm said peak 12 days ago then AF should be due soon are your cycles normally regular?


----------



## Hellylou

There I was thinking I understood the lingo now, and Mhairi and Susanne, you have both just blown my mind. I have no idea what you are talking about! :cry:


----------



## Ellie10

Mhairi, yes they are very regular and no I don't temp (tried it but I was useless!) so I don't know for sure if I really did ovulate or not. Been using the CBFM for 4 months now and every month it has been spot on with detecting my ovulation as I've had AF exactly 14 days after the second Peak. Will do another test in the morning but just in case, I've just given dh a bd-alert for tonight. Had to laugh as his face just fell. This is what happens when you've been trying so long - I can barely remember the good old days when we actually bd-ed for fun *Sigh* Thanks for replying xxx


----------



## Ellie10

ha ha Helen, sorry, we're talking about the clearblue fertility monitor (CBFM)  x


----------



## mhazzab

Sorry Helen!

Susanne, I think you should have a 'safety' BD tonight just incase...but if your cycles are very regular i don't see why you would ov again so close to AF time. I think we both know why else you might get a positive opk now but i don't want you to get your hopes up so find something to distract you today (yeah like that will work!!) and do some more poas-ing in the morning! (and put it in a container so you can test at will, lol) good luck xx


----------



## Ellie10

Thanks Mhairi, will do the 'safety' bd (love that!) tonight and see what happens in the morning. Painting the kitchen today so that should keep me occupied for a while at least.. :-D xxx


----------



## Hellylou

We've had an offer on our house! And a couple came today for a second viewing, so I could casually mention that we'd had an offer we were negotiating on... Amazing! We've been trying to sell on and off for the last 3 years now without so much as a second viewing. People have been coming and saying lovely things, then buying something else! So I have just been to view a house today that was on my radar for a while, and it was very very nice. More to view later in the week. We were panicking when I got pregnant because we hadn't sold yet and dropped the price massively because we had nowhere to put a new baby. So now we have a very cheaply priced house and loads of people coming to look as it's a bargain! Doesn't stop them putting a cheeky offer in though...:growlmad:

But I am hugely excited now, and thinking this could be a much needed new start for us all. It's been a rough time and it's so good to have something positive happening! :happydance:

And Susanne I am so hoping that test thingy you did is a good sign...FXd!! (I only recently worked out what that stood for too):blush:


----------



## mhazzab

Wow Helen that's great fingers crossed the sale works out for you, and you can go for the other house you like.
It would be a great new start for you...let us know how it goes. Woohoo! Xx


----------



## Bride2b

Hellylou said:


> We've had an offer on our house! And a couple came today for a second viewing, so I could casually mention that we'd had an offer we were negotiating on... Amazing! We've been trying to sell on and off for the last 3 years now without so much as a second viewing. People have been coming and saying lovely things, then buying something else! So I have just been to view a house today that was on my radar for a while, and it was very very nice. More to view later in the week. We were panicking when I got pregnant because we hadn't sold yet and dropped the price massively because we had nowhere to put a new baby. So now we have a very cheaply priced house and loads of people coming to look as it's a bargain! Doesn't stop them putting a cheeky offer in though...:growlmad:
> 
> But I am hugely excited now, and thinking this could be a much needed new start for us all. It's been a rough time and it's so good to have something positive happening! :happydance:
> 
> And Susanne I am so hoping that test thingy you did is a good sign...FXd!! (I only recently worked out what that stood for too):blush:

Fab news hun xx


----------



## Bride2b

Ellie10 said:


> Kelly so so sorry the witch is on her way, I was feeling so hopeful for you too x
> 
> helen, I know, what am I like? I seriously need help :-O
> 
> Just got back and rooted around in the bathroom for some IC tests I had stashed away (don't want to waste any of my 'real' tests until tomorrow) and while I was looking I found some OPKs so I thought I might as well pee on them too. Told you I was an addict, didn't I?? So the IC was BFN but the OPK was a blazing positive. Wtf? Now I know you can use OPKs as HPTs but from what I've read you'll only get a positive OPK AFTER a BFP, not before. So....now I'm thinking I'm maybe ovulating now and jesus I just can't be bothered to get jiggy today. I need time to prepare myself mentally for that kind of caper after 6 years of ttc  But I'm really confused as the CBFM gave me PEAKs 12 days ago and I've had all the usual signs I get after ovulation. Do you think it's possible that I'm ovulating again??
> Thanks girlies xx

Keeping everything crossed xx:thumbup:


----------



## Ellie10

Hellylou said:


> We've had an offer on our house! And a couple came today for a second viewing, so I could casually mention that we'd had an offer we were negotiating on... Amazing! We've been trying to sell on and off for the last 3 years now without so much as a second viewing. People have been coming and saying lovely things, then buying something else! So I have just been to view a house today that was on my radar for a while, and it was very very nice. More to view later in the week. We were panicking when I got pregnant because we hadn't sold yet and dropped the price massively because we had nowhere to put a new baby. So now we have a very cheaply priced house and loads of people coming to look as it's a bargain! Doesn't stop them putting a cheeky offer in though...:growlmad:
> 
> But I am hugely excited now, and thinking this could be a much needed new start for us all. It's been a rough time and it's so good to have something positive happening! :happydance:
> 
> And Susanne I am so hoping that test thingy you did is a good sign...FXd!! (I only recently worked out what that stood for too):blush:

Great news Helen! Delighted for you :happydance::happydance: x

Bride2b - thank you! :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Reading this thread is really helping, you girls are crazy! Thanks all for your welcoming messages.

I think the advice I would give when TTC is dont try to hard! That sounds a bit mad, but we were TTC for about 10 months, and I was obsessed with the TTC forums on here, every pill, potion, cream gadget and implament (sp) going I brought! It gets really stressful & you become obsessed. I decided in June that we would stop trying as we get married in July 2012 and thought it would be silly to have a baby too close to the wedding. I stopped with the CBFM and counting cycle days & taking tablets & drinking herbal teas.... and fell pregnant july. In my heart of hearts I know it was the fact that we (or should I say 'I') stopped stressing that it happened.
I think I even went a few days past when AF was expected before I tested as I had lost track of when it was due!

I just hope that when the time comes I take my own advice & remember the last time, luckily I sold my CBFM on ebay....so I cant use that again & hope I just let nature take its course!

Wishing everyone who is here TTC santas sacks full of baby dust!!!xx


----------



## Bride2b

Bride2b said:


> Reading this thread is really helping, you girls are crazy! Thanks all for your welcoming messages.
> 
> I think the advice I would give when TTC is dont try to hard! That sounds a bit mad, but we were TTC for about 10 months, and I was obsessed with the TTC forums on here, every pill, potion, cream gadget and implament (sp) going I brought! It gets really stressful & you become obsessed. I decided in June that we would stop trying as we get married in July 2012 and thought it would be silly to have a baby too close to the wedding. I stopped with the CBFM and counting cycle days & taking tablets & drinking herbal teas.... and fell pregnant july. In my heart of hearts I know it was the fact that we (or should I say 'I') stopped stressing that it happened.
> I think I even went a few days past when AF was expected before I tested as I had lost track of when it was due!
> 
> I just hope that when the time comes I take my own advice & remember the last time, luckily I sold my CBFM on ebay....so I cant use that again & hope I just let nature take its course!
> 
> Wishing everyone who is here TTC santas sacks full of baby dust!!!xx

Oh an PS, this time I dont care if I end up being a big fat pregnant bride!!! :thumbup:


----------



## MummyStobe

Wow you've all been busy in here since yesterday.

I'm on my phone at the mo so will try and catch up properly with everyone tommorrow when I have some more time.

Just wanted to say a quick hello and welcome to the newbies.

Kelly I'm so sorry the :witch: has showed her ugly face. :hugs:

I've been bridesmaid dress shopping for one of my best friends weddings this morning. I was meant to have a 5 month old baby at the time of the wedding in June but instead (all being well with this bean) I'm going to be 34 weeks pregnant instead. The woman in the shop has had to completely guess how big I'll be and has ordered me a size 18 dress to be on the safe side. I'm only tiny, the size 10 sample dress was too big on me today, I can't imagine being big enough to fill a size 18.

And completely off topic my mum has just rung me whilst I've been typing this to tell me they've been burgled, the thieving scumbags have taken 3 bikes from their garage, two of which were nearly brand new. Fortunately they didn't get in the house. Feel so sick thinking about it.


----------



## Ellie10

Just saw this posted on Facebook, thought I'd pass it on...:-D

'I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Port, a butle of whishkee, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum i luvum...' :laugh2:

x


----------



## Bride2b

Ellie10 said:


> Just saw this posted on Facebook, thought I'd pass it on...:-D
> 
> 'I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Port, a butle of whishkee, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum i luvum...' :laugh2:
> 
> x

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a bit of a tea totaller & my hubby to be has only seen my drunk once in the 5 years we have been together.....anyway this reminds me of us two nights ago, we drank every bottle of wine we could find in the house!!!! It did us good tho!x:thumbup:


----------



## Hellylou

Ellie10 said:


> Just saw this posted on Facebook, thought I'd pass it on...:-D
> 
> 'I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Port, a butle of whishkee, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum i luvum...' :laugh2:
> 
> x

Love it. Have nicked it for my wall x:thumbup:


----------



## OliveBay

Hi all
I've been off the computer for a couple of days as I've been really busy. Can't believe how busy this place has been - so many posts to catch up with! Just going to post a real quickie reply as I've not got time to read everything right now!

Hi there Bride2b. Sorry you've had to join this place but I'm sure you'll find lots of support here. 

I'm feeling pretty excited now since the witch has disapperared and we can start the BDing :happydance: Fingers crossed for a successful month (trying not to get my hopes up too much as this is our first month TTC after losing our baby, but I reeeeeally want it to happen quickly for us)


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw Kelly, I'm sorry hon, this really wrecks your head, doesn't it?! I hope it's over soon so you can get to it hon. Has it changed to full flow now? 

Hayley, I'm so sorry about your Mum and dad's house being burgled, that sucks. Glad they didn't get in to the house but it just feels horrible to have had folk there taking stuff at all. 

Helen, that sounds like really good news -I don't want to jinx it so I'll say no more! I've not got the best luck to rub off on you...

OliveBay, best of luck and heaps of :dust: I hope it happens quickly for you hon.

Susanne, I don't want to get your hopes up too high or fuel any more POAS madness, but I've read a lot that an OPK will show positive before an HPT in a lot of cases. I hope this is it for you...

Tanya, you getting close to testing hon?

Mhairi, Amanda, Joelene, Erica, all well I hope?

Nat, any sign of AF?

Andrea, you getting geared up for December fruityness hon?

Not much to report here.... except I got an indecent proposal at work last night! Two lads came up after we were closed, I was sitting having a quick beer with the chef after cleaning up. We told them we were closed but they kept asking me to open the window, as the chef was there I did, just to talk to them to get rid of them and they told me they were at a stag do and their stripper had fallen through and they would give me $500 to do a strip for them, Ha! Obviously very, very drunk and couldn't see my saggy old bottom half under the bar!! My God, I told them I'd clear the room pretty quickly if I took off my clothes, jeez-o, the thought of my wobbly belly and bum gyrating about would make myself sick, never mind them. Eedjits. It gave me a laugh though. We are in a tiny wee sleepy rural village too, I dunno what they were thinking coming through here for a stag do in the first place. Ah well, good to know I still look Ok after someones had 20 pints...

Hope you are all well, sorry if I've missed lots, this thread has become a beast! it's great tho. xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Kelly, I'm sorry about your AF , i was almost convinced *otherwise! The positive of this is being able to try again. You got gorgeous *family, please dont give up i be praying for you

Helen, keeping my hopes up. This may be a new begining!

OliveBay, Enjoy. Sometimes when we let nature to take its course, things begin to happen. Comming from a control freak who can never take her own advice.

Andrea, i am sorry i didnt get back to you . We observe shabbat here, was away for 24 hrs.Are you close to testing soon?


Erica, Mhairi, Amanda, how are your liitle beans doing? I hope the symptoms subside very soon. Take care of yourself!

My daughter turned off my computer twice, so i retyped this message over and over again. I am sorry i missed anybody.

Still no Af and Bfn. I think i am giving up now, its nt happening. I need to figure out now how to track my cycle now, i dont know when i will ovulate since no af. Disapointed in this matter now. I blew on my OH today. Told him off, he does not get it . Never talks about our little girl. It hurts that he doesnt show how he feels!

I will write more from my computer later

CHEERS!

Sent from my iPad


----------



## kiki04

I am on cd19 at 9pm and I am still getting -OPK's :cry: This is so frusterating. I know I cant try right now cuz my meds that Im on but to think I am not ovulating properly is messing me up!! I only have 2 weeks left of this prescription and then life is back to normal but if I am not going to O properly then what?! :cry:

I just feel so desperate and want to be pg again so so so bad just like the rest of you, I know you all understand... this waiting game is so hard :brat:


----------



## KamIAm

Kiki.. I'm sorry, sending you loves and hugs Hon... Yes, this waiting game is crap! 

Thanks Nat... You are always so sweet... Can't believe no AF or Bfn! Grrr... Hate that for you... Xxx!

Yes Nikki, full flow now : ( Bleh.... You sexy thang you... Get it girl : )) hahaha....

I'll reply more properly tomorrow morning from my laptop.... Super Sleepy... Zzzzzz 

Hope all is fine!!


----------



## kiki04

Im sorry she got you Kelly :cry: I thought this was it for you :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Aw Kelly, I'm sorry hon, this really wrecks your head, doesn't it?! I hope it's over soon so you can get to it hon. Has it changed to full flow now?
> 
> Hayley, I'm so sorry about your Mum and dad's house being burgled, that sucks. Glad they didn't get in to the house but it just feels horrible to have had folk there taking stuff at all.
> 
> Helen, that sounds like really good news -I don't want to jinx it so I'll say no more! I've not got the best luck to rub off on you...
> 
> OliveBay, best of luck and heaps of :dust: I hope it happens quickly for you hon.
> 
> Susanne, I don't want to get your hopes up too high or fuel any more POAS madness, but I've read a lot that an OPK will show positive before an HPT in a lot of cases. I hope this is it for you...
> 
> Tanya, you getting close to testing hon?
> 
> Mhairi, Amanda, Joelene, Erica, all well I hope?
> 
> Nat, any sign of AF?
> 
> Andrea, you getting geared up for December fruityness hon?
> 
> Not much to report here.... except I got an indecent proposal at work last night! Two lads came up after we were closed, I was sitting having a quick beer with the chef after cleaning up. We told them we were closed but they kept asking me to open the window, as the chef was there I did, just to talk to them to get rid of them and they told me they were at a stag do and their stripper had fallen through and they would give me $500 to do a strip for them, Ha! Obviously very, very drunk and couldn't see my saggy old bottom half under the bar!! My God, I told them I'd clear the room pretty quickly if I took off my clothes, jeez-o, the thought of my wobbly belly and bum gyrating about would make myself sick, never mind them. Eedjits. It gave me a laugh though. We are in a tiny wee sleepy rural village too, I dunno what they were thinking coming through here for a stag do in the first place. Ah well, good to know I still look Ok after someones had 20 pints...
> 
> Hope you are all well, sorry if I've missed lots, this thread has become a beast! it's great tho. xxx

 LOL, you read the other thread...LOL I think February is my best bet, thanks for thinking of me..XOOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:





dnlfinker said:


> Kelly, I'm sorry about your AF , i was almost convinced *otherwise! The positive of this is being able to try again. You got gorgeous *family, please dont give up i be praying for you
> 
> Helen, keeping my hopes up. This may be a new begining!
> 
> OliveBay, Enjoy. Sometimes when we let nature to take its course, things begin to happen. Comming from a control freak who can never take her own advice.
> 
> Andrea, i am sorry i didnt get back to you . We observe shabbat here, was away for 24 hrs.Are you close to testing soon?
> 
> 
> Erica, Mhairi, Amanda, how are your liitle beans doing? I hope the symptoms subside very soon. Take care of yourself!
> 
> My daughter turned off my computer twice, so i retyped this message over and over again. I am sorry i missed anybody.
> 
> Still no Af and Bfn. I think i am giving up now, its nt happening. I need to figure out now how to track my cycle now, i dont know when i will ovulate since no af. Disapointed in this matter now. I blew on my OH today. Told him off, he does not get it . Never talks about our little girl. It hurts that he doesnt show how he feels!
> 
> I will write more from my computer later
> 
> CHEERS!
> 
> Sent from my iPad

You need to read my other thread in this forun, I am not going to try till February.... it is ok you didn't get back to me ,. I told you , you can call me anytime I am always here for you. Love you XOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Kelly, I love you and thinking of you ..XOXO
Love you all XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## blav

Well, I'm one of the only ones here excited about this but THE WITCH HAS ARRIVED and in full force. Sooooo happy! I need to catch up on all these pages, you ladies have been busy!


----------



## mhazzab

blav said:


> Well, I'm one of the only ones here excited about this but THE WITCH HAS ARRIVED and in full force. Sooooo happy! I need to catch up on all these pages, you ladies have been busy!

I felt the same when I got my first one, that's the one and only time I was happy to see it! Yay xx


----------



## winterwonder

blav said:


> Well, I'm one of the only ones here excited about this but THE WITCH HAS ARRIVED and in full force. Sooooo happy! I need to catch up on all these pages, you ladies have been busy!

Ok now i'm jealous! I've still yet to have a proper period, my pathetic period i had 4 wks after giving birth was just that, pathetic barely a day and a half long.

Oh well, i definitely joined the coo-coo club yesterday, bought my self a load of internet cheapies, basically so i can keep checking that i am not pregnant!

I wish the doctors cared more, every time i see them, they're like, it'll take time, we'll be concerned when it reaches six months!

anyways, back to reality ish, anyone watching xfactor??

Christine xx


----------



## blav

mhazzab said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> Well, I'm one of the only ones here excited about this but THE WITCH HAS ARRIVED and in full force. Sooooo happy! I need to catch up on all these pages, you ladies have been busy!
> 
> I felt the same when I got my first one, that's the one and only time I was happy to see it! Yay xxClick to expand...

I'm sure that is how it will be for us to...this is probably as excited as we'll ever be for AF to arrive. I know my doctor told us we should wait until after my second normal period to try, but it's soooo tempting to try this month (just as a practice run, you know!)



winterwonder said:


> Ok now i'm jealous! I've still yet to have a proper period, my pathetic period i had 4 wks after giving birth was just that, pathetic barely a day and a half long.
> 
> 
> 
> Christine xx

I'm so sorry hun, I hope things get back to normal for you soon. The wait for me was so hard and I had to wait much less than you. Maybe if you come hang out at my house yours will start up too


----------



## collie_crazy

Kiki I'm so sorry hunny :hugs: Could the meds you are on be delaying or stopping O? 



dnlfinker said:


> Still no Af and Bfn. I think i am giving up now, its nt happening. I need to figure out now how to track my cycle now, i dont know when i will ovulate since no af. Disapointed in this matter now. I blew on my OH today. Told him off, he does not get it . Never talks about our little girl. It hurts that he doesnt show how he feels!

I'm sorry your OH is like that, mine is the same. He will talk about her sometimes if I do but mostly he doesn't. I know he still thinks about her a lot but for him I think its easier to just get on with things. I guess men and women really do deal with things differently - but its still hard. My OH also feels very differently about this pregnancy - he is very excited and thinks that everything will be ok - whereas I am so anxious constantly and cant imagine bringing a baby home :cry:



blav said:


> Well, I'm one of the only ones here excited about this but THE WITCH HAS ARRIVED and in full force. Sooooo happy! I need to catch up on all these pages, you ladies have been busy!

:happydance: Yay for the witch arriving! One cycle down :happydance:




winterwonder said:


> Ok now i'm jealous! I've still yet to have a proper period, my pathetic period i had 4 wks after giving birth was just that, pathetic barely a day and a half long.

Hoping she comes for you soon Christine :hugs:

Ok - so I called in sick to work today, going to get a sick note from the doctor tomorrow I just cant deal with the stress and the sickness whilst at work. I feel guilty for taking more time off but I need to make sure I look after myself and baby.

I had a bit of bad day yesterday - I took my christmas decs up to Emily and just cried and cried whilst I was there. This is all so unfair. I would be 36 weeks now, I should be readying for her arrival not putting her decorations on a grave. And then last night I got a text from a friend who I went to uni with - we're not in regular contact and she doesnt have facebook anyway her text said 'Hey how are you? Is baby making her arrival soon? Remember to send me pics' Oh god I cant even describe the tears that came from that - she obviously didnt know :cry: I didn't reply. I cant.
 



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## blav

collie_crazy said:


> I had a bit of bad day yesterday - I took my christmas decs up to Emily and just cried and cried whilst I was there. This is all so unfair. I would be 36 weeks now, I should be readying for her arrival not putting her decorations on a grave. And then last night I got a text from a friend who I went to uni with - we're not in regular contact and she doesnt have facebook anyway her text said 'Hey how are you? Is baby making her arrival soon? Remember to send me pics' Oh god I cant even describe the tears that came from that - she obviously didnt know :cry: I didn't reply. I cant.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I went back to work and all has been well except one person who mentioned something about the baby. I didn't even have the heart to say anything about what happened. It was just too hard. I'm sure when the time is right and you are able, you will let your friend know what happened. Even though you know she didn't mean to upset you, it's still difficult. :hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

If I had one wish right now i would wish people would understand us and our pain, I am so sick of people telling me to get over Ava, i am about to loose my mind. Why can't people just shut up and say nothing, do they have ANY ANY ANY idea what it is like to live with this pain every single day till you die? :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> If I had one wish right now i would wish people would understand us and our pain, I am so sick of people telling me to get over Ava, i am about to loose my mind. Why can't people just shut up and say nothing, do they have ANY ANY ANY idea what it is like to live with this pain every single day till you die? :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

Me too...nobody has said it to me out loud, but I know some people are thinking why do I keep talking about and grieving for my daughters. I would never wish this pain on anyone but sometimes I wish I could let people walk in my shoes for just a day and see how they feel then. I have no time for some people anymore...I have become a lot less tolerant of people than I used to be.
I'm fed up wanting to punch people out for their insensitive remarks too...


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## mhazzab

Amanda, I'm so sorry you have even had to decorate a grave, it's just not fair. But, I just wanted to say it looks beautiful, I'm sure Emily loves it xxx


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## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Kiki I'm so sorry hunny :hugs: Could the meds you are on be delaying or stopping O?
> 
> 
> 
> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> Still no Af and Bfn. I think i am giving up now, its nt happening. I need to figure out now how to track my cycle now, i dont know when i will ovulate since no af. Disapointed in this matter now. I blew on my OH today. Told him off, he does not get it . Never talks about our little girl. It hurts that he doesnt show how he feels!
> 
> I'm sorry your OH is like that, mine is the same. He will talk about her sometimes if I do but mostly he doesn't. I know he still thinks about her a lot but for him I think its easier to just get on with things. I guess men and women really do deal with things differently - but its still hard. My OH also feels very differently about this pregnancy - he is very excited and thinks that everything will be ok - whereas I am so anxious constantly and cant imagine bringing a baby home :cry:
> 
> 
> 
> blav said:
> 
> 
> Well, I'm one of the only ones here excited about this but THE WITCH HAS ARRIVED and in full force. Sooooo happy! I need to catch up on all these pages, you ladies have been busy!Click to expand...
> 
> :happydance: Yay for the witch arriving! One cycle down :happydance:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> winterwonder said:
> 
> 
> Ok now i'm jealous! I've still yet to have a proper period, my pathetic period i had 4 wks after giving birth was just that, pathetic barely a day and a half long.Click to expand...
> 
> Hoping she comes for you soon Christine :hugs:
> 
> Ok - so I called in sick to work today, going to get a sick note from the doctor tomorrow I just cant deal with the stress and the sickness whilst at work. I feel guilty for taking more time off but I need to make sure I look after myself and baby.
> 
> I had a bit of bad day yesterday - I took my christmas decs up to Emily and just cried and cried whilst I was there. This is all so unfair. I would be 36 weeks now, I should be readying for her arrival not putting her decorations on a grave. And then last night I got a text from a friend who I went to uni with - we're not in regular contact and she doesnt have facebook anyway her text said 'Hey how are you? Is baby making her arrival soon? Remember to send me pics' Oh god I cant even describe the tears that came from that - she obviously didnt know :cry: I didn't reply. I cant.Click to expand...

It looks beautiful , I am so sorry XOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Aw Kelly, so sorry hon. :hug: Ah well, you can get pissed at Christmas with me! That's not a good thing to advocate, is it? Sorry. 

Blav, yay for Af! (for once), hope it gets over soon so you can start afresh hon. 

Kiki, I'm sorry, could your meds muck things about a bit in the Ov dept?

Andrea, you hang on in here, girl!

All our rainbow-carriers good and well?

Thinking of you all this morning. xxx


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## kiki04

I agree... I know people have thought "Why is she still talking about that baby" and it kills me inside when you know they are thinking that :cry: No one will ever understand unless they walk a mile in our shoes, however I wish no one ever had too :cry:

In regards to my meds... thats what I am starting to wonder if they are delaying or stopping ovulation. It was only a 30 day prescription, low dose once a day for anxiety so maybe it really slowed my body down? :shrug: CD20 now and still negative :shrug:


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## Bride2b

Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.

I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx

Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx


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## KamIAm

Hi Friends....

How is everyone's weekend going?? Mine has been super busy, guess that's a good thing, for me it is.... 

Amanda, Emily's Christmas pretties are beautiful and I just know she loves them!! I can't picture her now, running around to all of our lil ones, telling them all about the pretties her mom brought to her... :flower: ... Must say, it still sucks that you have been thrown into this nightmare and having to visit your daughters gravesite... hate it for all of us!!! And yes, No one understands us and our thoughts and feelings, except here, in the safe lil slice of the world, with you wonderful women... I get that feeling as well, like people think " good grief, is she ever gonna shut up about that baby?" .... Well, No... No... I'll never shut up about my daughter... This is a pretty emotional time for me... A year ago... Was such a wonderful time!! I had no idea that exactly a year ago today I was barely preg with Em'... My AF didnt' show on Dec 10 (the day it was due) so I took a test and was blown away.. Had NO idea! We wasn't trying at all!! What a lil blessing..such a surprise... I remember that day like it was yesterday... I had a house full of family and I didn't say a word to no one all day, in fact.. my OH was leaving town that day with friends and I remember kissing him goodbye, thinking.. "OMG! We're gonna have a baby!!!" .... but didn't say a word.... I couldn't keep it a secret from him long tho, as soon as he got home and we was laying in bed... I told him we had to talk... He looked scared to death! LOL.... Told him we was going to have a baby... He immediately started crying and grabbed me and we held each other for a long time, talked of so much excitement, planning...... WOW.....December 10th 2010.... One of the best days of my life.... Well, December 10 is rolling around again.... :cry: Man, these milestones hurt don't they....

I'm sorry... Not sure where all this came from.... I had a pretty decent day... I think the closer Christmas gets, the more ickier I'll feel...... We was suppose to have another lil here... in our family this Christmas..... 

I do have so much to be thankful for... and I honestly Thank God everyday for all his blessings ... BUT dang it! I still wonder and think.... Why did he give her to me, only to carry her for a few short months and take her away??? Think that is my biggest question, and trust me.. i hope one day I'll get the chance to ask him .....

Sorry girls.... Whew...

Hope you all are doing well and I'll check back in on y'all tomorrow morning, 

Good Night Girls.... :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Well, that's the strangest thing ever - my post was supposed to be about 2 pages back - it's moved away down the page and now it look as though I ignored loads! Unless you were all typing at the same time as me, but there is about 10 posts after mine that weren't there when I wrote it?! Too bizarre.

Anyway, yes I'm the same, I see people mentally drawing backwards whenever I even mention when I was pregnant, never mind talking actually about our boys. I pretty much never do discuss them, as I can't be bothered to see people squirm, except to a select few, and you lovely ladies of course. I'm the same re: lack of tolerance, I don't think that changes back either, by the way - my friend lost her wee boy at full term to placental abruption 4 years ago and she's still like that, she says she just can't do anyone else's petty stuff. It's natural enough, isn't it - it's all pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things really...

Kelly, I'm so sorry hon, it's so wrong.

Amanda - Emily's grave is lovely hon, I know it's so wrong that you have to go to a grave, but it is lovely. 

A girl I now here had the same due date as me, she was induced early due to a condition she developed and just had a wee boy. I text'd to congratulate her but I can't bear to go round, I don't know what to do about that. I don't know her really well but she was good to me when I came out of hospital. My neighbour who knows her better and is about to drop herself (I'm surrounded girls, it's so hard) started telling me all about her "awesome birth" this morning, I'm starting to wonder if she's just really stupid and genuinely doesn't realise that what she's saying kills me or if she just doen't care about my feelings? I think it's the former but how can anyone be so silly? I don't really show what I'm feeling in front of her any more as I cried so much to her at the start, I don't think she needs it, she's pregnant herself, so maybe she thinks I'm "over it"? I dunno, I just want to hide at the moment though. 

xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Bride2b said:


> Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.
> 
> I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx
> 
> Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx

I think it is abit of a lottery hon. I had PP bleeding for about 3 weeks and then AF came 2 weeks later, then exactly 28days after that and has been regular ever since, but the last 2 have been really wierd in that they only lasted 2 days, so my body obviously isn't right yet. I'm older though, 39, so that may be something to do with it, probably menopause, knowing my luck.

Anyway, hope it comes soon and regular for you so you gan get on track. It's worth keeping a note of thngs to help you when you do decide to go for it. We know you can never replace your angel, there's no need to justify to us, hon. xxxx


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## kiki04

Oh I just tested at 11:00 at night and got 2 lines and it is almost positive! I am sure of it tomorrow I will get a positive!! :happydance: Such a relief... I was getting worried there for a bit. I am thinking maybe it is my meds I am on that just delayed OV this month but at least I know its coming :dance:


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## blav

Bride2b said:


> Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.
> 
> I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx
> 
> Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx

Hey hun...AF just came for me, 5 weeks to the day that Mateo was born. It seems normal so far (not heavier or lighter than it was before). I hope she comes soon for you. I read your story in another post and it reminded me a lot of mine so I really understand what you're going through and feel for you. 

We also don't want to forget or replace Mateo, but I want to be pregnant again too! I know that we won't forget him, we think of him every day and you won't either!

I'm going to post this is TTC as well, but I was wondering with the ladies with rainbows...so my doctor told us we could TTC after my second normal period but we really would like to try after this period (which is my first after a loss at 22 and a half weeks). I delivered normally and had a follow up appointment 2 weeks later and everything was normal. I feel great. Plus, I feel like, what are the chances we'll get pregnant the first month? What are your experiences and do you think we should wait?


----------



## Ellie10

Andypanda6570 said:


> If I had one wish right now i would wish people would understand us and our pain, I am so sick of people telling me to get over Ava, i am about to loose my mind. Why can't people just shut up and say nothing, do they have ANY ANY ANY idea what it is like to live with this pain every single day till you die? :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

Amanda I'm so sorry, I feel exactly the same. I almost feel apologetic anytime I mention Ellie, especially in front of my in-laws, who quickly change the subject and it makes me want to scream. She is NEVER mentioned by anyone in mine our my dh's family, never, and that makes me so sad. It's like she never existed. There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking about Ellie yet for everyone else it's just something that happened last year and I should be over it by now. Makes me so mad. But, here's a lovely quote from Elizabeth Edwards that I had read out at Ellie's funeral to try to get across how I was feeling (even that early on my MIL was avoiding the subject). You have all probably read it before but anyway....

*'If you know someone who has lost a baby, and you&#8217;re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died ~ you&#8217;re not reminding them &#8230; they didn&#8217;t forget they died. What you&#8217;re reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift.'*

:cry:

I suppose you have to have been in our shoes to truly understand. Big hugs to everyone of us, who sadly understand all too well :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Susanne xx


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## yazoo

Hello gang, 

So I'm on CD 28 and no AF this morning (it usually comes first thing). Tested with an IC and got a BFN. :nope: I wasn't even going to test but I felt positive so I said I'd give it a go. AF could arrive in the next few days. She has been known to hide her ugly head til CD 32 but recently its usually CD27/28. 

Kelly I'm sorry the witch got you. :nope: I'm gutted for you. I really thought this would be our month. 

Goodluck with the house offer Helen. FX'd for you. :hugs: 

Bride2b- I'm really glad being on here is helping you. 

Hi Hayley, :hi: Thats awful about your Mum's house. scumbags. I hope they are caught. You will be an absolutely gorgeous bridesmaid whethere you are six 8 or 18. xx

Olive- yay for trying again. I wish you all the luck in the world. Go easy on yourself though. I had really geared myself up for a BFP our first cycle trying again and I was devastated when it didn't happen. 

LOL Nikki- 500 quids nothing to be sniffed at. 

Natalie- I'm sorry hun. I wish you could know one way for sure. Either AF arrives or not, its so frustrating being in limbo. My OH hasn't really been showing how he feels either lately and at the start he really did. I was uncontrollably upset on Saturday and we had a good chat and he said he thinks about Jakob all the time. Like me he is thinking about his due date looming and about how he should be here for Xmas but he just doesn't say it as he thinks it will make me more upset. Maybe that is the case with your OH- he cold be trying to protect you from his feelings. My OH said just because he isn't a crier doesn't mean its not on his mind all the time as it is. 

Kiki- the waiting game is super hard. I hope your cycles get back to normal soon. 

Blav- for one I will do a wee :happydance: for the witch being here. Delighted for you. I was the opposite when my first one arrived. For me it was a sign of my body getting back to normal and I hated that but then if it didn't arrive I know I would be like you and wanting it so bad so we could ttc again. xxx

Hi Christine, how long has it been since your last AF? Yes I'm watching the Xfactor. I can't believe Misha went. She had such great talent. And see Tulisa crying as Misha was performing? Tears of bloody guilt coz she prob knows she's partly to blame for her not being there anymore. 

Amanda- massive hugs love. It really is so unfair. I was buying Xmas decorations for the wee mans grave on Sat too and it just killed me. I would be almost 39 weeks now. :nope: Oh I'm so sorry you got that text. I hate the thoughts of that happening to me and its the reason when I rejoined fb that I deleted everyone on my facebook friends list who didn't know what happened. I couldn't bear getting messages from people asking how baby was or when I was due etc etc. I wish I could give you a massive hug right now. Oh By the way Emily's grave is gorgeous. :hugs: I bet she loves it. :xmas9:

Bride2b- I bled for 2 weeks after and then AF arrived 3 weeks after that. We know you won't be replacing Bertie as he is irreplaceable. He was his own person and you could never replace him. He will always be a part of you. We of all people understand that. 

Aww Kelly- that story was lovely. :cry::cry: I'm sorry hun. These milestones are very hard. Massive hugs. 

Nikki- I'm sorry hun. I know someone who had a little boy yesterday too. I text her last night and she replied saying how happy she was and how perfect he was and I am so ashamed to admit it but I was actually jealous reading it. :blush: 

Blav- I think every doctor is different. Some say wait until after first Af, others say wait 3 months but my OB gave us the go ahead at the follow up and said it is up to each and every person when they want to try again. If you feel mentally and emotionally ready then go for it. I really thought it would happen for us the first month as I read loads about being more fertile but nope it didn't happen. :nope:

Susanne thats a really lovely quote. I love it. :hugs:

Mhairi- hope your doing ok. Thinking of you and your sweet little rainbow. :hugs::hugs:

I hope I haven't forgot anyone and if I have I'm sorry. :kiss:

Ok so I'm off now to obsess and drive myself crazy. I avoided it up until now but the craziness has started ladies. BEWARE. :muaha:


----------



## Ellie10

I saw this poem recently and I thought you ladies might relate;

"My Shoes"

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Author Unknown

xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> I agree... I know people have thought "Why is she still talking about that baby" and it kills me inside when you know they are thinking that :cry: No one will ever understand unless they walk a mile in our shoes, however I wish no one ever had too :cry:
> 
> In regards to my meds... thats what I am starting to wonder if they are delaying or stopping ovulation. It was only a 30 day prescription, low dose once a day for anxiety so maybe it really slowed my body down? :shrug: CD20 now and still negative :shrug:

I am so glad you are getting ready to ovulate, I wouldn't worry about the medicine if it is only a thirty day script, I take Xanax very rarely though only when i have to go some place where there are ALOT of people. I don't like crowds and Xanex calms me down. I have never took a pill in my life until after loosing Ava, I just don't likel crowds .. Wish you all the best :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Ellie10

Girls, if you have a second can you please have a quick look at this. Was taken yesterday and the faint line came up at about 10 minutes. Had a similar nasty evap on Friday with Clearblue. All other tests have been BFN, including a 10miu one I did this morning. Am seriously considering phoning the Clearblue helpline to complain. I have used CB for years and never had evaps like this before but I willl never use them again. So annoying! :-(

https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/image.php?galleryid=9924


----------



## Andypanda6570

Ellie10 said:


> Girls, if you have a second can you please have a quick look at this. Was taken yesterday and the faint line came up at about 10 minutes. Had a similar nasty evap on Friday with Clearblue. All other tests have been BFN, including a 10miu one I did this morning. Am seriously considering phoning the Clearblue helpline to complain. I have used CB for years and never had evaps like this before but I willl never use them again. So annoying! :-(
> 
> https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/image.php?galleryid=9924

I don't see anything when I click the link, what should I see, a test? :hugs: I just see a page


----------



## Ellie10

Amanda (sorry! Andrea)  i think you have to scroll down a bit once the page opens to see the test. Thanks! x


----------



## Andypanda6570

Ellie10 said:


> Amanda, i think you have to scroll down a bit once the page opens to see the test. Thanks! x

LOL, I am Andrea not Amanda :happydance::happydance::happydance: ok I will look again :kiss:


----------



## Ellie10

Eek, sorry Andrea! I have the memory of an 80 year old :-(


----------



## Andypanda6570

Oh wow i do see the line....I would give a call and ask, but I definitely see the line :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Ellie10 said:


> Eek, sorry Andrea! I have the memory of an 80 year old :-(

LOL;;;;;;;;;; It is fine, don't worry :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

blav said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.
> 
> I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx
> 
> Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx
> 
> Hey hun...AF just came for me, 5 weeks to the day that Mateo was born. It seems normal so far (not heavier or lighter than it was before). I hope she comes soon for you. I read your story in another post and it reminded me a lot of mine so I really understand what you're going through and feel for you.
> 
> We also don't want to forget or replace Mateo, but I want to be pregnant again too! I know that we won't forget him, we think of him every day and you won't either!
> 
> I'm going to post this is TTC as well, but I was wondering with the ladies with rainbows...so my doctor told us we could TTC after my second normal period but we really would like to try after this period (which is my first after a loss at 22 and a half weeks). I delivered normally and had a follow up appointment 2 weeks later and everything was normal. I feel great. Plus, I feel like, what are the chances we'll get pregnant the first month? What are your experiences and do you think we should wait?Click to expand...

Thanks hun, I see this is quite recent that you found yourself here too, I'm so sorry for you, as you were a few more weeks along than I was. 

I can see myself posting something similar in a month or so about TTC. I hope I would follow my doctors advice when I finally have my follow up & only start trying when my body is ready...so that baby making machine is in full working order to start to look after the next little bean. I'm sure the wonderful ladies here will have loads of advice, I have a feeling most will say wait until the second period as your doctor says. Good luck hun xx


----------



## Bride2b

Ellie10 said:


> Girls, if you have a second can you please have a quick look at this. Was taken yesterday and the faint line came up at about 10 minutes. Had a similar nasty evap on Friday with Clearblue. All other tests have been BFN, including a 10miu one I did this morning. Am seriously considering phoning the Clearblue helpline to complain. I have used CB for years and never had evaps like this before but I willl never use them again. So annoying! :-(
> 
> https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/image.php?galleryid=9924

Ohhh wish I could help, I get so confused with these things I need the ones that literally spell it out like :) for OV or literally 'Pregnant' 'Not Pregnant' as I need to see it in black and white & hate bloody instruction manuels!!!

GOOD LUCK :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


----------



## collie_crazy

Just had major bleed... in A&E now but looking like won't get a scan for a few days. Guess it's over for me I can't do this again


----------



## kiki04

OMG hun I pray everything turns out OK :hugs: :hugs: Please keep us updated :hugs:


----------



## Ellie10

I'm so sorry, really hope it turns out ok. I had a bad bleed with Ellie at 6 weeks and she was fine, praying for the same for you. Hugs xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Oh no, i hope everything is ok. Take care of yourself please


----------



## MummyStobe

:hugs: Thinking about you Amanda. I have my fx'd that your little one is still in there. :hugs: Take care of yourself xx


----------



## mhazzab

oh Amanda, I am so sorry...I will be thinking of you and praying for some good news.
xxx


----------



## yazoo

Amanda I have absolutely everything crossed for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> Is it a total guessing game of when AF will arrive after bleeding stops? It's been a whole week tomorrow since Bertie came into my life & we lost him to the angels. I guess I want to focus on moving forward as tomorrow should have been the day we had our 20 wk scan & find out the sex. I was so excited & had planned to go out for a lovely meal to celebrate! I know tomorrow will be hard,also need to see my doctor about being signed off work & call the chaplain regarding the funeral.
> 
> I don't want to forget or replace my Bertie but so want to be pregnant again, I just hope by end of Jan we can start again,I was so worried I'd be a crap mum & not be able to bond but he has taught me that I can do it & I love him so much for that xxx
> 
> Good night ladies,sweet dreams & baby dust to all xxx

it can be a bit of a guessing game...
I started using ovulation tests and temping, that let me know when my first ovulation was, then my period came 12 days after that...
they say AF will only come after a certain number of days of no bleeding (can't remember what the number is, 2 or 3 weeks I think) but that wasn't true for me...mine came while I was still spotting a little.
you will never forget Bertie, you are just giving him a little brother or sister, he deserves that. Hope you are okay today xxx


----------



## Bride2b

collie_crazy said:


> Just had major bleed... in A&E now but looking like won't get a scan for a few days. Guess it's over for me I can't do this again

I am hoping any praying that everything is ok :hugs: Keep strong, will be thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## blav

collie_crazy said:


> Just had major bleed... in A&E now but looking like won't get a scan for a few days. Guess it's over for me I can't do this again

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I am hoping and praying for you that everything is still okay. Lots of love and hugs are being sent to you.

Also, how is it that they can't give you a scan for days? I could have one every appointment if I wanted/needed to and when I was at the ER, I got one almost immediately. It just amazes me that some ladies don't have access to that and have to wait so long for scans...it doesn't seem right!!!


----------



## KamIAm

collie_crazy said:


> Just had major bleed... in A&E now but looking like won't get a scan for a few days. Guess it's over for me I can't do this again

Oh My GOD! Amanda!!! What?!? ... How major of a bleed? Could it just be some random annoying bleeding?? I have heard some women do have that..?? .. :nope: :cry: 

Please keep us posted! I will be praying and thinking of you!!!!! :hugs:


----------



## yazoo

:witch: just got me. :cry::cry: dammit- no rainbow by due date for me. Trying not to even think about it or I'll have a breakdown I think.


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> :witch: just got me. :cry::cry: dammit- no rainbow by due date for me. Trying not to even think about it or I'll have a breakdown I think.

I am so sorry... :hugs::hugs::hugs:It will happen I promise you XOOXO



collie_crazy said:


> Just had major bleed... in A&E now but looking like won't get a scan for a few days. Guess it's over for me I can't do this again

Amanda, I am sitting here crying my eyes out and waiting for news, maybe it is not bad news. I am sending so many prayers Amanda... XOXOXOXO I love you :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


----------



## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> :witch: just got me. :cry::cry: dammit- no rainbow by due date for me. Trying not to even think about it or I'll have a breakdown I think.
> 
> I am so sorry... :hugs::hugs::hugs:It will happen I promise you XOOXO
> 
> 
> 
> collie_crazy said:
> 
> 
> Just had major bleed... in A&E now but looking like won't get a scan for a few days. Guess it's over for me I can't do this againClick to expand...
> 
> Amanda, I am sitting here crying my eyes out and waiting for news, maybe it is not bad news. I am sending so many prayers Amanda... XOXOXOXO I love you :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:Click to expand...

so sorry, Tanya...big hugs to you.


I am also so worried about you, Amanda, I can't stop thinking about you since i saw your message. I am hoping for some good news but if the worst does happen you know we are here for you. xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Sorry Amanda i didn't properly reply to you this morning i was rushing out of the house. I did hear that bleeding happens during the pregnancy, most likely he/she is still OK! . It is impossible when it comes to our little beans , but try to remain calm till you know all the facts. Stress is not good for the little one either, got to keep positive. Keep up posted, we are worried about you!


----------



## KamIAm

Aww! Tanya! Grrr! Stupid witch : ( I'm sorry she appeared ... Just try to keep your chin up.... You will have your rainbow hon' xxxx!!

Amanda, I am worried sick about you!!! I can't stay away from my laptop or phone (checking for updates) .... Squeezing you with massive hugs right now!!!!!! Xxx!!!


----------



## Hellylou

I've just logged on and saw this - Amanda I am so devestated to hear this and I am praying that this is just a scare and nothing more. I am thinking of you hun, stay strong :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Well I got home about 3 and cried myself to sleep :( scan tomorrow mornin at 11:30 to confirm... OH still hopeful but I am realistic the bleed was very heavy it soaked my trousers within 30 seconds and although it's slowed hasn't stopped since. I feel numb. Surely this isn't happening? How can it be so cruel :cry:


----------



## kiki04

I have everything crossed as tightly as I can that it was just some random hemmorage and baby is still tucked away tightly up in your uterus baking away :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Well I got home about 3 and cried myself to sleep :( scan tomorrow mornin at 11:30 to confirm... OH still hopeful but I am realistic the bleed was very heavy it soaked my trousers within 30 seconds and although it's slowed hasn't stopped since. I feel numb. Surely this isn't happening? How can it be so cruel :cry:

oh Amanda I just don't know what to say to you, this is so unfair. I'm so angry and upset for you that this is happening. Take care this evening and please keep us updated tomorrow we are all so worried.
I will keep hoping for some better news xxxx


----------



## Ellie10

Amanda, I don't want to get your hopes up too much but the same thing happened to me and all was ok, and sorry to say but at 8 weeks you would have 'passed' something noticeable so if you've only been bleeding then there's a good chance little one is still in there safe and sound. Really hoping all goes well tomorrow, I know how scared you must be right now. Sending you massive hugs and good luck wishes for the morning xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Amanda... I agree with Susanne... Sounds like a really nasty bleed..??.. I am sickened that you are going thru all this, breaks me to know you are hurting, scared.... Try to rest Hon and please keep us posted.. I am praying (begging) .... 

Xoxo!!

We're here for you Amanda... Always!


----------



## Andypanda6570

Amanda ,sending mnay prayers and love and so much hope..xoxoxo:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Sharing my fortune cookie, this is so true:

"Good company in a journey makes a way seem shorter"!

TO MY GOOD COMPANY, ALL THE LADIES IN THE FORUM!


----------



## yazoo

amanda believe me, those little babies are tougher than people think. I know what your going through right now and its not nice. I bled from 8 weeks with jakob and on maybe more than 6 occasions it was like turning on a tap and each time my little man was absolutely fine. When i was 14 weeks i was in hospital and i woke up in the middle of the night and i lost about 6 large clots. I thought for sure that was it as did the midwives. I went for a scan the next morning after crying all night thinking i'd lost the baby only to find jakob jumping around oblivious to it all. I know in the end the outcome wasn't good for me but that had nothing to do with the bleeding. I had lots of clots behind the placenta that went unnoticed despite having 9 scans in total and the clots were causing the placenta to abrupt. I hope this gives you some hope. In my experience bleeding doesn't alway mean its the end, even loosing so many clots didn't mean the end for me. i could never understand how i was bleeding so much but yet baby was doing well and even measuring big for his dates. They are strong resilient little things. I don't want to give you false hope but when i was going through that i searched online for hours about bleeding in pregnancy. I can't stop thinking about you hun. Xoxox


----------



## kiki04

Been thinking of you all day Amanda and I wish I could just give you a huge hug right now and tell you that everything is going to be OK :hugs: But I can't so I hope you feel just how tight my cyber hug is cuz I feel your sickness in the pit of my stomache cuz I know just how I would be feeling if it were me and it breaks my heart you even have to endure this fear while making your rainbow :cry: I feel in my heart for you that everything is going to be OK though :hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Amanda, I've only just logged on and saw your message, my heart is in my mouth right now, I send you so many positive vibes hon, have everything crossed for you and your little bean. I'm so hpoing it's just a case of random bleeding but I know nothing will settle your nerves just now. All the very best in the world for tommorrow morning hon.

xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Tanya, I'm so so sorry hon. Maybe for us it was still "their time" and it will happen outwith it. That's the only thing I can think of to keep myself going so hope it helps you too. Much love. xx

Kiki, glad it sounds like you are gearing up to OV.

Hope everyone else is well, sorry I've forgotten all the other news now...


xxx


----------



## OliveBay

Amanda, so sorry to read your posts. I am hoping with all my heart that everything works out for you and that you get some reassurance and good news tomorrow :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Good luck for tomorrow Amanda,will be thinking of you especially at the time of ur scan,will be saying a little prayer for ur little rainbow xxx


----------



## kiki04

Nikki_d72 said:


> Tanya, I'm so so sorry hon. Maybe for us it was still "their time" and it will happen outwith it. That's the only thing I can think of to keep myself going so hope it helps you too. Much love. xx
> 
> Kiki, glad it sounds like you are gearing up to OV.
> 
> Hope everyone else is well, sorry I've forgotten all the other news now...
> 
> 
> xxx

Still negative :brat:


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> Tanya, I'm so so sorry hon. Maybe for us it was still "their time" and it will happen outwith it. That's the only thing I can think of to keep myself going so hope it helps you too. Much love. xx
> 
> Kiki, glad it sounds like you are gearing up to OV.
> 
> Hope everyone else is well, sorry I've forgotten all the other news now...
> 
> 
> xxx
> 
> Still negative :brat:Click to expand...

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Amanda, I am thinking of you, you are on my mind so much. I hope to hear from you soon and I am praying all is ok.
Love You:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Just a quick question where did our thread go or it this a new one :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Andypanda6570 said:


> Just a quick question where did our thread go or it this a new one :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko:

It's just been renamed so as not to preclude anyone wanting to join in but not TTC or prego.


----------



## KamIAm

Andypanda6570 said:


> Just a quick question where did our thread go or it this a new one :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko:

Hey ANdrea.... It's the same thread... just renamed ... :winkwink:


----------



## KamIAm

I can NOT stop thinking and worrying about Amanda.... :cry:

It completely breaks my heart to know she's scared...worried... going thru this... I pray she is getting some much needed rest and comfort tonight ... :hugs: I wish to God there was more I could do for her... I just keep praying for her and lil one..... :hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Thank you girls I love you all :hugs:

Well it's 8am and I've been awake most of the night. Have forced myself to stay in bed and not keep getting up to check on bleeding but just did there and there was hardly any blood on pad or when I wiped. Still not passed any clots and no cramps just light period type twinges. 

Have been thinking though that although I still feel nauseous it's not as bad as it was and it's been a few nights since ive woken up in the middle of the night to go pee so symptoms are fading :cry:


----------



## Bride2b

Thinking of you sweetie, the minutes must feel like hours. Just pray everything goes ok for you all xxxx


----------



## Hellylou

I am thinking of you today Amanda - I wish this wasn't happening, and I am praying that everything is ok. Off to work now, but will check back in on lunch to see if there is any news. I'm praying for you hun :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

I have everything crossed for you hon, I'll be checking for updates too, though it may be your night-time before I can get back on, I'm hoping you get seen soon and update before I go to bed though, I'll stay up as long as I can. I've been thinking of you all day. 

I seem to remember the peeing thing getting less after a couple of months of pregnancy as well though, as the uterus lifts up and away from the bladder, hopefully that's what's happening hon. Oh I hope time passes quickly for you and you get a good outcome. 

All my love and best wishes,

Nikki xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Thinking about you today Amanda, really hope your scan shows your lil baba snuggled up nice and safe with a good strong heartbeat. I'll also be checking for updates.
Stay strong huni. Love and hugs xxx :hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Nikki_d72 said:


> Tanya, I'm so so sorry hon. Maybe for us it was still "their time" and it will happen outwith it. That's the only thing I can think of to keep myself going so hope it helps you too. Much love. xx
> 
> Kiki, glad it sounds like you are gearing up to OV.
> 
> Hope everyone else is well, sorry I've forgotten all the other news now...
> 
> 
> xxx

Thanks Nikki, I guess I'll be be having a wee Christmas drink with you. I really thought at least one of us would get a BFP this month. We were all so excited last month and I was positive for us. Oh well. It took us 9 months to conceive Jakob and if it takes that long this time I literally will go :wacko:. lol I'm remember the OB saying that APS can effect fertility- now I'm thinking thats why I don't get pregnant quickly. Now heres for a new year BFP for us- new year, new rainbow, new start. :hugs:

Amanda- I'm so glad there is only a little now. I couldn't wait to get DD to school so I could check on you. Sending lots of love your way. xoxox


----------



## Andypanda6570

Amanda, I am so worried, I wish I could be there holding your hand, are your family with you? I am praying so hard that everything will be fine, I am just SO happy you even posted a little update. :hugs::hugs: Sending many good thoughts of love and strength an hope
XXOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Just waking up here, checking my computer. I just hope that everything is ok with you 
And the little one! He will seek you through this, and we are hre to support you 400%!

I be back soon to check on you, got to get everyone ready for school and work!


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Just waking up here, checking my computer. I just hope that everything is ok with you
> And the little one! He will seek you through this, and we are hre to support you 400%!
> 
> I be back soon to check on you, got to get everyone ready for school and work!

Sorry, I was not home when you called yesterday, maybe we can talk later?
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Baby is still there and going strong oh my god oh my god oh my god


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Baby is still there and going strong oh my god oh my god oh my god

Oh my god I am so so so happy for you I am crying! I have been checking in here every five minutes to hear you news. Wow!!!
Did they say what happened? Xxxxxx


----------



## MummyStobe

collie_crazy said:


> Baby is still there and going strong oh my god oh my god oh my god

Fantastic news. I'm so pleased and relieved to read that. Xxx


----------



## Hellylou

collie_crazy said:


> Baby is still there and going strong oh my god oh my god oh my god

Yaaaay!!! Amanda that is the most wonderful news ever!!! I am so relieved, that's fantastic. :hugs::hugs::hugs::happydance::happydance:


----------



## dnlfinker

You just made my day! Phew, i knew it will be fine. Please take it easy, it will be ok! I can see why you are wooried, the worry never ends!


----------



## Bride2b

collie_crazy said:


> Baby is still there and going strong oh my god oh my god oh my god

:happydance: So pleased hun :cloud9: Yay little rainbow!!!:baby:


----------



## KamIAm

:dance::yipee::friends::headspin::juggle::tease::fool::wohoo::loopy::flasher::rain::bunny::xmas8::happydance:

Holy Crap Batman!!! :happydance:

Amanda! THIS! HAS! MADE! MY! DAY!!!!!

Thank you for popping back in with updates!!! :hugs:

Did they say why that happened???? Ugh... No More of THAT Lil Missy! :thumbup: :winkwink:


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## collie_crazy

Sorry for the rushed update earlier I was just out of the scan room waiting on OH bringing the car round and wanted to let you all know asap :thumbup:

Oh girls I cant thank you enough :hugs: You have no idea how much I love you all!! Yesterday was horrific - I was with my mum when the blood started and we went straight to A&E and called my OH when we got there. Then once the doctor had seen me and I was still waiting on OH getting there all I wanted to do was talk to you girls - I knew only you would really understand what I was going through / feeling. 

I'm so sorry I worried you all though :( 

They done a belly scan and straight away she said 'nope we'll do an internal' which freaked me out - she then said 'dont worry if i'm quiet for a minute or two' and had the screen turned away and then she said ' there it is - your little bean with a heartbeat' oh god I burst into tears and grabbed OHs hand so tight. :happydance:

They could see where the bleed was coming from, right next to the sac, but dont know why. She said it could have been another pregnancy sac that was missed last week or just one of those things. She did say because she could still see it on the scan that I may bleed more. They are going to do another scan next week. 

The scan was so fab - he/she even gave us a little wiggle which the m/w said is rare to see this early and was creepy - I told her off for calling my rainbow creepy! 

Heres the little one causing all the trouble - I hope no-one minds me posting the pic :hugs:
 



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## mhazzab

oh Amanda..don't apologise for the rushed update we were so relieved to hear from you at all...

I think I can say on behalf of everyone else that we were all so upset and worried for you...you are an amazing friend who we love very much

I bet there were a few of us checking in as often as we could this morning to hear your news, you have made a lot of us very happy :)

what an amazing picture, and it was good that she warned you there may be more bleeding, at least you know there might be more to come and not to panic too much. I'm glad they are scanning you again next week too, that will be a comfort.

you take it easy now and get lots of huggles from OH and the doggies to keep little beanie nice and snug xxxxxx


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## yazoo

collie_crazy said:


> Baby is still there and going strong oh my god oh my god oh my god

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

Oh Amanda, I am crying happy tears right now. I am so so happy for you and your OH right now. Glad to hear your little one is active already.

:hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Oh I just seen the pic now. Aww little baby. I'm so happy for you. My heart is smiling. :hugs: The picture is so clear, you can even see the little mouth, nose and everything. Amazing for 8 weeks. 

Did she mention anything more about the area of bleed, did she say it was a haematoma? I'm so glad your being scanned again. It will put your mind at ease. At least you know now to expect a bit more bleeding until the bleed has passed from your body or been reabsorbed.


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## kiki04

collie_crazy said:


> Baby is still there and going strong oh my god oh my god oh my god


OMG OMG OMG OMG I JUST KNEW IT!!! :happydance: I am soooo beyond thrilled for you Amanda! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: And how cute is your little rainbow!! Seriosuly! It looks like a cute little gummy bear right now but oh so adorable!!! :dance:


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## KamIAm

Amanda!!!

I am SOOOO stinkin' thankful you posted all that you did and when you did... I was tearing a whole in my carpet from pacing in front of my laptop! haha :winkwink:

Ohhh!!! Yay!! baby pics already!!! Yippee!! I love it! Baby looks like a cute lil turtle :flower: Adorable! Kiki, I like your description as well, Gummy Bear! Love it! 

I am soooo relieved that all is well and you take it easy... Let OH and doggies take good care of you! :winkwink:

Still expecting full reports from you young lady :winkwink: Eeh, you knew my stalking would be a result in this! hahahahaha!!! :hugs: Love ya tons chicka!


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## jojo23

GIRLS!!!! I just logged in now i cant believe i missed so much... amanda im so happy your ok..i freaked out as well last week when i had a bleed only to see a healthy lil bean in there too, looks like bleding is more commen than we think! thank god everything is good im so happy!

tanya hun im so sorry af got you hun, been thinkin bout you loads!! am always here!

well im 12 weeks on thursday yay lol have my scan next week so will be saying lots of prayers and positive thoughts.

how is everyone girls ive missed so much stupid time difference and work have me all over the place lol xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## blav

AHHHHHHH!!!!! I am SOOOOO happy and relieved for you, Amanda! I was so worried for you but am glad that it was only a scare (although a HUGE one). I love your ultrasound picture, baby just looks completely perfect. I wish I could just squeeze you (but not too tight, hehe!). 

Best news ever!


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## dnlfinker

wow , what a cute little bean! So thankful that he/she is OK . The baby is just 
letting you know right now that he/she is a trouble maker already! 

You mentioned that they might have been another sac , does that mean that it
could have been a vanishing twin? I heard its very common , infact i know a person who 
it just happened to. Its so nice of your baby to give a wiggle and let you know that its ok.

Please take care and dont scare yourself and us like that any more :p . God forbid anything like that happens again , please remain calm, as you see everything works out for the best!


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## dnlfinker

what the heck , it looks like I ovulated last night is that even possible? :nope:. The wonders of PCOS, it sure does bring a lot of surprises( OH THE JOYS OF TTC) . YOu know how I was confused two days ago , well I have moved from confused to freaking annoyed and pissed off ! So my AF didn't show this month( its 10 days past) , and now looks like ovulation? Any thoughts on that one girls? Only yesterday morning I was thinking of going and getting a blood test, now looks like I am in WW hell yet again.

When I was riding the subway this morning , I saw this lady sitting across me and crying. I dont know why , this feeling of wanting/needing to tell her that its going to be ok. Sounds stupid , but i sensed why she was crying , I just hope I was wrong

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## blav

I was thinking about getting an ovulation test kit to try out this month...any recommendations? What do you ladies use?


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## Bride2b

blav said:


> I was thinking about getting an ovulation test kit to try out this month...any recommendations? What do you ladies use?

I used the CBFM, but the sticks are so frigging expensive, TTC last time cost me a fortune, but he was worth it :thumbup:
I did see that with CBFM you can reuse the sticks after you have OV i.e reuse an old 'low' stick so you dont end up using good ones. I never did this but its worth a go I guess x


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## jojo23

sorry blav ive only ever used the ovulation sticks so not much advice but its prob worth spending the extra money and getting a good one, at least then you know it wont be faulty or give you wrong dates etc! GL XXXXXXXXXXXXXX


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## Bride2b

collie_crazy said:


> Heres the little one causing all the trouble - I hope no-one minds me posting the pic :hugs:

:thumbup: Your little one looks so cute, how amazing for you! Its the first stage really seeing the little one in there when you know you are pregnant! Congrats hun, may this be the first of many more rainbow scans we see on here over the next few months. I WANT ONE TOO! :brat:


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## mhazzab

blav said:


> I was thinking about getting an ovulation test kit to try out this month...any recommendations? What do you ladies use?

I used the clear blue fertility monitor...top marks from me, very easy to use and no interpreting involved! Really expensive in the shops here in the UK, but is almost half the price on amazon, (the meter plus the strips)

xx


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## blav

That's what I was thinking jojo...I think I'm going to take a peek after grocery shopping!


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## mhazzab

blav - not sure if you have ever tried temping but I also found it really useful to confirm that ovulation had taken place (CBFM will only tell you that you are preparing to ov, as far as I know). Even when I wasn't taking the temp at the same time daily, I could still see the before ov / after ov difference. 

xx


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## jojo23

Andrea hun whenever you read this i sent a facebook friend request to you just inc ase your wondering who the heck joelene is lol... everyone just calls me jojo! xxx


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## MummyStobe

Amanda that scan picture is amazing. I hope I get a piccy just as good as that at my scan next week. I really am made up for you that everything is ok. Take it easy huni xx


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## blav

I will look into that too! Can't hurt to do everything possible!


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## kiki04

I just ordered my OPK's off ebay for cheap.. got like 100 of them for $15.00 :thumbup:

I am currently on cd22 STILL getting -OPK's which is soooo not normal for me :brat: I thought I was going to get a + yesterday but nope :(


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## Bride2b

mhazzab said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> I was thinking about getting an ovulation test kit to try out this month...any recommendations? What do you ladies use?
> 
> I used the clear blue fertility monitor...top marks from me, very easy to use and no interpreting involved! Really expensive in the shops here in the UK, but is almost half the price on amazon, (the meter plus the strips)
> 
> xxClick to expand...

I got mine from Amazon & the sticks from there too, think the sticks were £15 for 20, rather than £20 for 20. I also looked on ebay for them. 

I sold my CBFM on ebay thinking I wouldnt need it again! At least I know roughly when I OV, unless it chances for any reason. I cant imagine OH setting sick of :sex: anyway. The CBFM charts your low, high & peak fertility days (and give you a egg symbol when you OV) Not sure if you know but you are also fertile after the peak had dropped back to high. Its certainly worth a crack! xx


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## blav

I just have to say that I think you ladies are more helpful than the TTC after Loss forum. Just sayin!


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## mhazzab

blav said:


> I just have to say that I think you ladies are more helpful than the TTC after Loss forum. Just sayin!

any questions, just ask them! 

(I think we are a pretty special bunch too) xx


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## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> what the heck , it looks like I ovulated last night is that even possible? :nope:. The wonders of PCOS, it sure does bring a lot of surprises( OH THE JOYS OF TTC) . YOu know how I was confused two days ago , well I have moved from confused to freaking annoyed and pissed off ! So my AF didn't show this month( its 10 days past) , and now looks like ovulation? Any thoughts on that one girls? Only yesterday morning I was thinking of going and getting a blood test, now looks like I am in WW hell yet again.
> 
> When I was riding the subway this morning , I saw this lady sitting across me and crying. I dont know why , this feeling of wanting/needing to tell her that its going to be ok. Sounds stupid , but i sensed why she was crying , I just hope I was wrong
> 
> :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

I am so happy you ovulated, that is a good thing, Nat!!!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


Amanda, my heart is fulled with joy that everything is ok, I was so worried for you. I can relax now :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

Love You All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## TTCMetalMom

My baby was due today, I was 15 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy, I'm trying hard not to cry and I've got to keep my mind open to the future but my body's not gone back to normal since (Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding and now on medication for it) and I feel that my tiny little boy was my last chance at having a child naturally. I miss him more than I knew I would :/ So small a child, such a huge impact on my heart, mind and body.


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## Bride2b

TTCMetalMom said:


> My baby was due today, I was 15 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy, I'm trying hard not to cry and I've got to keep my mind open to the future but my body's not gone back to normal since (Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding and now on medication for it) and I feel that my tiny little boy was my last chance at having a child naturally. I miss him more than I knew I would :/ So small a child, such a huge impact on my heart, mind and body.

Thats got to be the hardest day :hugs: So sorry for your loss. I dont know anything about your condition but I hope that you do go onto have a special little rainbow.

Bigs hugs for today x

ps You are getting married 3 days before me!!x:happydance:


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## mhazzab

TTCMetalMom said:


> My baby was due today, I was 15 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy, I'm trying hard not to cry and I've got to keep my mind open to the future but my body's not gone back to normal since (Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding and now on medication for it) and I feel that my tiny little boy was my last chance at having a child naturally. I miss him more than I knew I would :/ So small a child, such a huge impact on my heart, mind and body.

welcome, I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: I'm very glad you have found us here we will do whatever we can to help you through this.

I found my due date hard too, I had a good old cry that day. I felt a bit better afterwards, I could stop counting how many weeks pregnant I was. 

I'm sorry you have had complications since the birth, it's not fair having to deal with that on top of everything else.

xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Oh Amanda, I'm so stoked things are all good with you! I'm just running out the door to get Dd of to school so will write properly in a bit but just wanted you to know how happy I am for you!! xxxx


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## blav

So, I bought the First Response ovulation monitor!!! And lucky I did it today because you have to take the first test on day 5 of period/spotting. I started spotting Friday night which makes today day 5. So, I took the test when I got home (neg of course) but I'm excited to use it and hope it works! Didn't tell OH I was even thinking about it...surprise!


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## Nikki_d72

Welcome TTCmetalmom, I'm sorry for your loss, I hope we can help you in any way we can. 

Blav, hurrah for the FR thingy, you can't seem to get them here, which is a shame as they seem great. Here's hoping it does it's thing for you!

Kiki, sorry it's still not happened, have you been stressed or ill? I know that can delay things for you. It's pretty near impossible not to stress in our situation though. maybe a long bath with a good book or something might release some tension and an egg?

Tanya, sorry again you'll be joining me for a drink at Christmas. I've just thought, I'm going to MIL's on the 20th and won't be back till about the 27th or so, I doubt I'll get online for all that time - what am i going to do?? I'll go nuts! I'll have about a million pages to try to catch!

How are you tonight, Amanda? I hope fine with no more bleeding. at least they told you to expect it if it happens, but I'm still hoping you have no more, for the sake of your sanity. Love your wee scan pic, it does look like a wee gummy bear - too cute, you must have been so relieved. 

Nat, sounds strange but at least you are OV-ing, did you catch it, do you think, or did it catch you unawares? Hope you got it hon. 

How's everyone else going? 

I'm fine, have started taking honey and cinnamon, I read about it yesterday - it has absolutely no scientific basis and bugger-all proof but I'll give anything a shot. Oh and I'm drinking grapefruit juice as well as it's supposed to help with EWCM or something, but you've not to take it after OV as it interferes with implantation or something, then I'll switch to pineapple which is supposed to help with implantation. Phew! I'm like a walking grocery store, I'm not quite sure what happened to taking a break and forgetting it till after Christmas, hehe. I'm still not sure if I will give it a go this month but I want to see if these things help with Ov and all that anyway, to try to get things back on track in my stupid body. The honey with cinnamon is starting to make me retch already though (only the second day) so I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep that up! 

Hope you are all well...


xxx


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## dnlfinker

posted twice , sorry!


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## dnlfinker

Nikki,


How are you? I checked the time in New Zealand and its morning(not sure if ahead or behind the us time)

Its my guess since the opk was negative. Before I had a way to tell ovulation but have not seen the sign for a while. I noticed it agian yesterday so def an uneducated guess

Nat


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## Nikki_d72

Hi Nat, I think we are ahead of most places, time-wise. Sorry I was off the computer there for a while, need to get more done around here! Here's hoping you caught it then, sorry you're back into 2WW hell though. Hopefully it'll go quick and you'll have a BFP just in time for Christmas!
xx


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## dnlfinker

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi Nat, I think we are ahead of most places, time-wise. Sorry I was off the computer there for a while, need to get more done around here! Here's hoping you caught it then, sorry you're back into 2WW hell though. Hopefully it'll go quick and you'll have a BFP just in time for Christmas!
> xx

most likely didnt catch because i discovered too late. Not sure it was ovulation :dohh: no hope here. Its interesting how everyone here is almost sync in the AF and ovulation time!

THE BEST OF EVERYTHING TO EVERYBODY!


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## Andypanda6570

TTCMetalMom said:


> My baby was due today, I was 15 weeks and 6 days into my pregnancy, I'm trying hard not to cry and I've got to keep my mind open to the future but my body's not gone back to normal since (Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding and now on medication for it) and I feel that my tiny little boy was my last chance at having a child naturally. I miss him more than I knew I would :/ So small a child, such a huge impact on my heart, mind and body.

I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your son :cry::cry::cry:. yes you need to keep your mind clear but you also need to to grieve :cry: It is a long and hard process, but we all get through it somehow. If you ever need a friend I am here as is all of us, I am so deeply sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: 



blav said:


> So, I bought the First Response ovulation monitor!!! And lucky I did it today because you have to take the first test on day 5 of period/spotting. I started spotting Friday night which makes today day 5. So, I took the test when I got home (neg of course) but I'm excited to use it and hope it works! Didn't tell OH I was even thinking about it...surprise!

I have (Bought about 3 months ago )) the Clearblue easy ovulation monitor. It says to start testing at 8 days. I love it and I love getting that smiley face :happydance::happydance::happydance:/ Is your monitor digital? I am sure it is. I don't understand why they would say day 5 that is a bit early, but they do work and they are great! Last period October 20th I ovulated on day 13 th, then got my AF on November 11th and I ovulated on day 16th :wacko::wacko::wacko:
that is why these monitors are SO important , cause you just don't know for sure when you ovulated . Now just got my AF yesterday December 6th , so we will see what day I ovulate this month ...
Glad you got the monitor, I love it!! Hope it makes things easier for you, I know it did for me :kiss::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## winterwonder

Oh my god, I have just read ten pages of posts, what a rollercoaster!

Amanda - I am so, so, so glad that everything turned out all right, i was reading your updates and just thinking i hope everything is ok, and when you finally posted that everything was, i literally cheered for you! Oh and you lil bean is soo Squee!! 

Well still no af for me, my IC's have yet too arrive, it has been nearly ten weeks since my last period, although i spotted for about 7 of them off and on, and was definately not pregnant around the middle of november as i got a neg on hpt.

I'm going to say it here, mainly because i dont know, i'm afraid to talk about it out loud. I'm scared that if i have gotten myself pregnant (i'm pretty sure i havent) that there will be something wrong with the baby because i havent had any proper periods, does that make sense.

I'm sure i'm not preggo, as before being on the pill many years ago, i used to have irregular periods but i cant ever remember them being this bad.

anyways i hope everyone else is well lots of :hugs: to everyone!

Christine xx


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## yazoo

jojo23 said:


> GIRLS!!!! I just logged in now i cant believe i missed so much... amanda im so happy your ok..i freaked out as well last week when i had a bleed only to see a healthy lil bean in there too, looks like bleding is more commen than we think! thank god everything is good im so happy!
> 
> tanya hun im so sorry af got you hun, been thinkin bout you loads!! am always here!
> 
> well im 12 weeks on thursday yay lol have my scan next week so will be saying lots of prayers and positive thoughts.
> 
> how is everyone girls ive missed so much stupid time difference and work have me all over the place lol xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Jo, you know I was thinking the exact same thing the other night. Out of all the rainbow Mammies on here almost everyone has had a bleed of some sort & thank god for each and every one of you it has turned out to be ok. It gives us a little snapshot of the rest of the pregnant ladies in the world and shows us just how common it is. 

Thanks Joelene, Ah I'm not too bad about it. Trying not to think about it but thats easier said than done considering this AF is super heavy and painful. (TMI sorry). I'm thinkin about you and little bubs all the time too. I hope you not finding work too hard coming up to Xmas. I bet your very busy now. Take lots of breaks if you need them. Its a tough job being on your feet all day with a little baba in tow. Oh my hairs not 4 different shades anymore. lol. I put another colour in it but sure it turned out as dark as ever. arrgg. lol. I guess it'll have to do. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

winterwonder said:


> Oh my god, I have just read ten pages of posts, what a rollercoaster!
> 
> Amanda - I am so, so, so glad that everything turned out all right, i was reading your updates and just thinking i hope everything is ok, and when you finally posted that everything was, i literally cheered for you! Oh and you lil bean is soo Squee!!
> 
> Well still no af for me, my IC's have yet too arrive, it has been nearly ten weeks since my last period, although i spotted for about 7 of them off and on, and was definately not pregnant around the middle of november as i got a neg on hpt.
> 
> I'm going to say it here, mainly because i dont know, i'm afraid to talk about it out loud. I'm scared that if i have gotten myself pregnant (i'm pretty sure i havent) that there will be something wrong with the baby because i havent had any proper periods, does that make sense.
> 
> I'm sure i'm not preggo, as before being on the pill many years ago, i used to have irregular periods but i cant ever remember them being this bad.
> 
> anyways i hope everyone else is well lots of :hugs: to everyone!
> 
> Christine xx

Christine,
Why not have a talk with your doctor? I don't know I have always had a period every month so i can't help much :nope: sorry . I am going to the docotr next Monday just for a check up, but I have not been there since I lost my Ava. I am so nervous to go. I have been going to my doctor for 8 years! I know he is going to ask where I have been all these months, I will just tell him the truth that i was not ready to be in the office or ready to come back till now. I hope you get this all sorted out, thanks for listening to my moan, that i rudely included in your post :dohh::dohh:
XOXO Sending my love and much luck ..Andrea:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Blav- I use cheap OPKs from ebay and although I have yet to get an in your face positive I can definitely witness the lines getting darker and then lighter again after OV. 

MetalMom- I am very sorry for your loss. Yesterday must have been very hard for you. My due date is in 9 days and I dread it. I'm glad you found your way to us. I hope we can be of some help to you. :hugs::hugs:

Nikki- I wish I could join you for a real Xmas drink. :thumbup: Oh you'll have to spend about 3 days catching up the way us girls natter. LOL I'm laughing at your ttc antics, you know just last night I was searching online for things to take while ttc. I even diagnosed myself as having low preogesterone as I thought my post ovulation temps were too low but apparently they are fine. I'll be like a walking blood chemist this month, aspirin, EPO, folic acid, vitamins and I'm sure I'll find something else to throw down my gob. lol

Christine, don't worry hun. There are lots of women who get pregnant before their next AF arrives so if that was the case with you I am sure that everything would be fine. 

Hey Andrea, I'm glad you have built up the courage to go to the doctor. :hugs::hugs:

How are all you pregnant girls doing? Any sickness? I hope you and your wee rainbows are doing well. :hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Blav- I use cheap OPKs from ebay and although I have yet to get an in your face positive I can definitely witness the lines getting darker and then lighter again after OV.
> 
> MetalMom- I am very sorry for your loss. Yesterday must have been very hard for you. My due date is in 9 days and I dread it. I'm glad you found your way to us. I hope we can be of some help to you. :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Nikki- I wish I could join you for a real Xmas drink. :thumbup: Oh you'll have to spend about 3 days catching up the way us girls natter. LOL I'm laughing at your ttc antics, you know just last night I was searching online for things to take while ttc. I even diagnosed myself as having low preogesterone as I thought my post ovulation temps were too low but apparently they are fine. I'll be like a walking blood chemist this month, aspirin, EPO, folic acid, vitamins and I'm sure I'll find something else to throw down my gob. lol
> 
> Christine, don't worry hun. There are lots of women who get pregnant before their next AF arrives so if that was the case with you I am sure that everything would be fine.
> 
> Hey Andrea, I'm glad you have built up the courage to go to the doctor. :hugs::hugs:
> 
> How are all you pregnant girls doing? Any sickness? I hope you and your wee rainbows are doing well. :hugs::hugs:

Thanks ! I am really nervous about going, the office it just brings back all the memories of when I found out Ava was gone. That is where I had 3 sonograms to make sure she was gone and i just remember breaking down and then trying to be quiet so i would not scare the other women who were sitting there in the office big time pregnant (Don't know why that entered my mind, but I didn't want them to be scared by me) So my best friend is supposed to come with me next Monday i am praying she can for sure come. I could make my husband take a day off work, but i don't want to do that so if i have to go alone I will, but I will shitting in my pants :nope::nope::nope: I am scared .. XOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

That was like me when I went for my first follow up appt in the hospital. It was so so hard. it was the place that I spent alot of time while pregnant with Jakob, the place where I cried with happiness when I seen him wriggle about inside on so many occasions and the place were my world fell apart when I went into labour. The place were I cuddled my son for the first time and the place were I had to say goodbye. It was incredibly hard being back there and it was so emotional. I seen the doctor who delivered him and the sight of her made me burst into tears and run to the toilet. The second time being back wasn't as hard for me as the first. I really hope your friend can go with you as I really needed someone there with me that day. My OH tried to keep me distracted when he seen a doctor or midwife that we recognised and held me when I cried. i couldn't have done it on my own so its great that your friend is going with you.


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## winterwonder

Andrea - I'm sure your doctors will be fine but i can understand why you would be scared of going there. 

I have been to the doctors a few times and even mentioned to the consultant when we got our results about my periods not returning and they just keep saying it'll take time.

oh well i'm going xmas shopping today and i'm going to the cinema to see hugo!
xx


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## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> That was like me when I went for my first follow up appt in the hospital. It was so so hard. it was the place that I spent alot of time while pregnant with Jakob, the place where I cried with happiness when I seen him wriggle about inside on so many occasions and the place were my world fell apart when I went into labour. The place were I cuddled my son for the first time and the place were I had to say goodbye. It was incredibly hard being back there and it was so emotional. I seen the doctor who delivered him and the sight of her made me burst into tears and run to the toilet. The second time being back wasn't as hard for me as the first. I really hope your friend can go with you as I really needed someone there with me that day. My OH tried to keep me distracted when he seen a doctor or midwife that we recognised and held me when I cried. i couldn't have done it on my own so its great that your friend is going with you.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: You understand perfectly... :kiss:


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## Andypanda6570

winterwonder said:


> Andrea - I'm sure your doctors will be fine but i can understand why you would be scared of going there.
> 
> I have been to the doctors a few times and even mentioned to the consultant when we got our results about my periods not returning and they just keep saying it'll take time.
> 
> oh well i'm going xmas shopping today and i'm going to the cinema to see hugo!
> xx

Good for you, get out and be positive.. XOOXOXOXXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

yazoo said:


> LOL I'm laughing at your ttc antics, you know just last night I was searching online for things to take while ttc. I even diagnosed myself as having low preogesterone as I thought my post ovulation temps were too low but apparently they are fine. I'll be like a walking blood chemist this month, aspirin, EPO, folic acid, vitamins and I'm sure I'll find something else to throw down my gob. lol

:xmas13:

This is so funny! I found a load of pills I was taking TTC & in early pregnancy yesterday. I took Soy for a couple of months & fell the month after I stopped taking it, I also brought Maca root (but only ever took one tablet! Just forgot when I needed to take them & also had decided to stop TTC). Dont know if you ladies have heard of Maca but its something that occurs in the Amazonian rainforest, and they eat it as part of their diet & the women there are super fertile by all accounts.

I read about the grapefruit juice, but not sure when to stop drinking it as how do you know if you have caught the egg?????

I drank Raspberry red leaf tea - I know this is something that is supposed to induce labour, but its also good before you conceive but I think you cant drink it after a certain day in your cycle (cant remember then though). My bloody brain has turned to mush!!!!!!!! I have no memory of details anymore!!!

I think there are sooooo many remedies & I think it helps you to feel like you are doing something in making your body ready to allow the little :spermy: to get your egg!

I am now going to make sure I see every new day as one day closer to being able to try again :thumbup:

I should be getting a call today from the hospital regarding starting to arrange the funeral.....just hope I can keep this positive outlook once we discuss the funeral x

Keep cooking those rainbows girls - bleeding is so common, I had it early on with Bertie & the lady that scanned me said she bled all through her pregnancy & it was born fine.

To all those TTC :dust: and pray that :xmas6: brings you all a Christmas BFP 

xx


----------



## blav

Andypanda6570 said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> So, I bought the First Response ovulation monitor!!! And lucky I did it today because you have to take the first test on day 5 of period/spotting. I started spotting Friday night which makes today day 5. So, I took the test when I got home (neg of course) but I'm excited to use it and hope it works! Didn't tell OH I was even thinking about it...surprise!
> 
> I have (Bought about 3 months ago )) the Clearblue easy ovulation monitor. It says to start testing at 8 days. I love it and I love getting that smiley face :happydance::happydance::happydance:/ Is your monitor digital? I am sure it is. I don't understand why they would say day 5 that is a bit early, but they do work and they are great! Last period October 20th I ovulated on day 13 th, then got my AF on November 11th and I ovulated on day 16th :wacko::wacko::wacko:
> that is why these monitors are SO important , cause you just don't know for sure when you ovulated . Now just got my AF yesterday December 6th , so we will see what day I ovulate this month ...
> Glad you got the monitor, I love it!! Hope it makes things easier for you, I know it did for me :kiss::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

The one I got is digital, but is only for a month (so kind of disposable as well). We found out roughly when we thought I would ovulate, but then I got worried that it would be wonky as this is my first period so I bought it and I'm glad I did. I know it's probably unrealistic to really want and expect a bfp after our first month trying, but it's so hard not to get my hopes up. Someone bring me back down to earth?

Completely unrelated, but a huge source of stress for me today is my dog...he has started biting OH! We've been together for almost a year and al of the sudden, any time he comes in for a kiss or hug, my dog tries to bite him! I'm so embarassed and just don't know what to do to make him stop. I contacted a trainer this morning to see what services she offers and get prices. We can't bring a baby into a home with a dog that bites anyone who gets near me! OH seemed frustrated when he left over it and I just feel awful!


----------



## Bride2b

Blav - my mums dog is a nightmare & hates one of my dogs going near my mum, and gets really jelous if my dog gets the smallest big of attention from any of us. We just have to tell him off as he really goes for my dog (even though he is so much smaller). He stops once he is told off. Dogs are a total bloody nightmare, my big dog hates men & children, and now other strange dogs! We have to keep him muzzled when we go out. We have spend sooooooo much money on trainers and behaviourists and no one has cracked him! 

It is a worry, but think you are doing the right thing by stopping it before getting out of control. I know it sounds stupid but have you told him off? 

My big dog (German Shep X Great Dane) is super sensitive & knows that we are upset. He is the one who doesnt like kids, my MIL was worried how he would react to a baby, but he loves me & OH more than anything and think he will be a total cool dude over it! My other dog (Siberian Husky) is so independant, and hasnt really noticed there is anything wrong! Anyway my point is my big man is gettig better with strangers, its just persistance & boundries. Maybe your dog senses that you need comfort & wants to look after you?

Glad you got an OV testing kit xx


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## KamIAm

Hi Friends ....

Bleh .. Bah-hum-bug :cry:

It's getting harder and harder to continue up with this "Kelly is GREAT show' ... I have my moments when I am truly better BUT it doesnt ever last long and I feel myself on that slow slide back into the darkness ...:cry:

Do you all do that as well?? Fake being OK? ... I find myself doing it a lot! Feel like I have to for my OH and other children.. Think the closer Christmas gets the uglier its getting for me ... I should have a 4 month old now!!!!! I should be buying her baby toys and presents ... :cry:

I'm sorry for the rant ...Just had to share .... 

Andrea, hope your doctor's appointment goes well... I have mine coming up and I'm dreading it like it's the pleague! Ugh! In fact, I have already decided I am rescheduling mine until after the first of the year .. :cry: Hate that stupid office ... :cry:

Blah... Sorry again for the nastiness ... Time to put on my "big girl panties", shake this off, put on my smile & breath again .... Thanks for listening friends ..:hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hi Friends ....
> 
> Bleh .. Bah-hum-bug :cry:
> 
> It's getting harder and harder to continue up with this "Kelly is GREAT show' ... I have my moments when I am truly better BUT it doesnt ever last long and I feel myself on that slow slide back into the darkness ...:cry:
> 
> Do you all do that as well?? Fake being OK? ... I find myself doing it a lot! Feel like I have to for my OH and other children.. Think the closer Christmas gets the uglier its getting for me ... I should have a 4 month old now!!!!! I should be buying her baby toys and presents ... :cry:
> 
> I'm sorry for the rant ...Just had to share ....
> 
> Andrea, hope your doctor's appointment goes well... I have mine coming up and I'm dreading it like it's the pleague! Ugh! In fact, I have already decided I am rescheduling mine until after the first of the year .. :cry: Hate that stupid office ... :cry:
> 
> Blah... Sorry again for the nastiness ... Time to put on my "big girl panties", shake this off, put on my smile & breath again .... Thanks for listening friends ..:hugs:

Kelly,
we all have these days , it is terrible I know :cry::cry::cry: it will pass and things will get easier. Christmas I think is just going to be tough for all of this year :cry::cry::cry: it's so sad...
XOOX Love Ya :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Thanks Andrea.... You mean more to me than you will ever know...:hugs:

Yes, we all will have these days and the great part is, we can come here and lift each other up .... :flower: :kiss: :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Thanks Andrea.... You mean more to me than you will ever know...:hugs:
> 
> Yes, we all will have these days and the great part is, we can come here and lift each other up .... :flower: :kiss: :hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## dnlfinker

Andrea I am so glad that you are brining a friend, its so hard ! She is going to have to distract you big time. Please prepare youself emotionally , it will help you! I am not trying to be negative , just realistic becuase I really care about you!

Kelly, 
HOlidays are truely hard , I just hope its going to be over soon so that you dont have the pressure from it.Do you really think your husband does not understand , or is he really just hiding the feelings. I have thought about that question for a while , and I dont have the answer just yet. Its annoying when they just nud or say "Yea OK". Its really not ok! We are crying for our angels (they are crying for us )and we cant do anything ! There is no point to try to make them understand , but then arent they there to support us for better for worse forever holds our peace!

QUOTE]


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## Hellylou

Sorry you're feeling rubbish, Kelly. :hugs: So far since my little wobble a few weeks back I've been pretty good, but I know there will be more slumps to come, so I am hanging on to the good feelings for dear life at the moment! I think it is going to be much harder for me when I pass my due date, because then it will really hit home that he should have arrived by then and he never will. By Christmas I would have been 31 weeks, so I would have been all big and heavy and not able to drink etc. Now I am able to get into my normal clothes and able to drink - I just don't want to. It has felt the same with dancing. I go, and it's fun, but I can't help thinking I shouldn't be there.

Sending hugs. We'll get through Christmas together :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> Blav - my mums dog is a nightmare & hates one of my dogs going near my mum, and gets really jelous if my dog gets the smallest big of attention from any of us. We just have to tell him off as he really goes for my dog (even though he is so much smaller). He stops once he is told off. Dogs are a total bloody nightmare, my big dog hates men & children, and now other strange dogs! We have to keep him muzzled when we go out. We have spend sooooooo much money on trainers and behaviourists and no one has cracked him!
> 
> It is a worry, but think you are doing the right thing by stopping it before getting out of control. I know it sounds stupid but have you told him off?
> 
> My big dog (German Shep X Great Dane) is super sensitive & knows that we are upset. He is the one who doesnt like kids, my MIL was worried how he would react to a baby, but he loves me & OH more than anything and think he will be a total cool dude over it! My other dog (Siberian Husky) is so independant, and hasnt really noticed there is anything wrong! Anyway my point is my big man is gettig better with strangers, its just persistance & boundries. Maybe your dog senses that you need comfort & wants to look after you?
> 
> Glad you got an OV testing kit xx

We haven't really yelled at him I guess because it has taken us so by surprise we didn't know what to do! I sent OH a text after he left apologizing and he said it's okay, he's gone through a lot of changes recently. Which he has, I was pregnant, then I wasn't, and we moved into OH's house. In a way I hope that is why he is behaving this way, at least we would have a reason.

He's a smart dog, I know if we can find a way to get through to him, we can find a way to make it stop. I think he (the dog) feels like he does need to look after me in some way. 

Although, I'm honestly just trying not to worry about it becasue I don't want it to effect my cycle! And, for some reason I feel like I need to talk to OH about TTC this month. We talked about it and more or less decided we were going to try this month. I bought the OPK and told him about it and when I said maybe I should have talked to him first he said, why would you have to do that? He's said other things that make me think he is excited to TTC but I just feel like I want to give him one more out if maybe he's not ready this month. Perhaps after I make him a delicious dinner (beef tenderloin with gorgonzola cream sauce and bacon) I'll feel better about bringing it up!


----------



## Bride2b

I think blokes show their feelings in a different way. He might be worried about another pregnancy as you have been through so much & probably doesnt want to see you go through it again - like us they too are probably terrified of another pregnancy not going to plan. I know my OH said we can try again, but I think when the time comes and we get the all clear it is a conversation we will have to have. Its just a big decision & they too must feel nervous about moving forward & going for it!

Keep talking to him & spoil him rotten with his favorite dinner - surely that will win him over!!!!


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> I think blokes show their feelings in a different way. He might be worried about another pregnancy as you have been through so much & probably doesnt want to see you go through it again - like us they too are probably terrified of another pregnancy not going to plan. I know my OH said we can try again, but I think when the time comes and we get the all clear it is a conversation we will have to have. Its just a big decision & they too must feel nervous about moving forward & going for it!
> 
> Keep talking to him & spoil him rotten with his favorite dinner - surely that will win him over!!!!

I hope so...I mean he has agreed and everything he does points to him being ready. I guess I just need him to tell me one more time that he really is ready! After our loss, it seemed like a lot of his pain came from not being able to fix things (save the baby) and seeing me cry and not being able to do anything about it. I know he must be worried about this pregnancy as much as I am!


----------



## KamIAm

Hellylou said:


> Sorry you're feeling rubbish, Kelly. :hugs: So far since my little wobble a few weeks back I've been pretty good, but I know there will be more slumps to come, so I am hanging on to the good feelings for dear life at the moment! I think it is going to be much harder for me when I pass my due date, because then it will really hit home that he should have arrived by then and he never will. By Christmas I would have been 31 weeks, so I would have been all big and heavy and not able to drink etc. Now I am able to get into my normal clothes and able to drink - I just don't want to. It has felt the same with dancing. I go, and it's fun, but I can't help thinking I shouldn't be there.
> 
> Sending hugs. We'll get through Christmas together :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thanks Helen & Nat!! 

Just a icky day... lots of thinking .. But I'll be alright, actually already feeling a bit better... Helen, once I hit my due date (wow, way back on August 15th!) I truly thought I'd be better... really.. But now I am catching myself doing the "Man, 1 year ago December 10th, I found out I was preg with Em" .. So I am starting to mark milestones with her pregnancy!! The vicious cycle ... :dohh:

I honestly can't believe THIS MUCH time has crept past ... Wow ...


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> Sorry you're feeling rubbish, Kelly. :hugs: So far since my little wobble a few weeks back I've been pretty good, but I know there will be more slumps to come, so I am hanging on to the good feelings for dear life at the moment! I think it is going to be much harder for me when I pass my due date, because then it will really hit home that he should have arrived by then and he never will. By Christmas I would have been 31 weeks, so I would have been all big and heavy and not able to drink etc. Now I am able to get into my normal clothes and able to drink - I just don't want to. It has felt the same with dancing. I go, and it's fun, but I can't help thinking I shouldn't be there.
> 
> Sending hugs. We'll get through Christmas together :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Thanks Helen & Nat!!
> 
> Just a icky day... lots of thinking .. But I'll be alright, actually already feeling a bit better... Helen, once I hit my due date (wow, way back on August 15th!) I truly thought I'd be better... really.. But now I am catching myself doing the "Man, 1 year ago December 10th, I found out I was preg with Em" .. So I am starting to mark milestones with her pregnancy!! The vicious cycle ... :dohh:
> 
> I honestly can't believe THIS MUCH time has crept past ... Wow ...Click to expand...


you know that was happening to me too. I was crying cause I know the day I conceived then I cried the day I found out for sure with the pregnancy test, after I knew for sure I was pregnant I figured out when I conceived :cry::cry:
Remember that encounter I had with that lady telling me not to be sad and stuff? That was the same day I conceived Ava :hugs: Also I was very close to my Grandmother I loved her so so much and I realized Ava was buried on her birthday 3/11/2011, how did it take me so long to realize that? I know exactly what you mean and what your feeling, it never ends, Kelly... it truly ,this pain, never ends..:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## mhazzab

oh Kelly sorry you have been having a bad day...I've been having a few of those recently...and expecting more to come.

I don't have much to say other than - love you lots, you and all the others on here mean so much to me, i sneak in here so many times during the day to get everyones updates, it's crazy! always here for you xxx


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## kiki04

I'm exactly where you are too... its like I am desperately looking for ways to cling on to her to keep her "real" in my life and make sure she is never forgotten. Some days I feel like I am strong... others so weak I could cry at the silliest little things. I have never looked through her memory box though. Like never. I had a special sock monkey made for each of my kids while I was pg. I got a large for my oldest, med for my second, small for my third, and a tiny one for Hadlee... it was made JUST FOR HER... and she never got to see it. It is tucked away in her memory box. I cant even open it cuz I know if I do, and I see HERS and hers alone... it was not made for anyone else in the entire world but her... I know it will trigger a bawl fest all over again. I am trying to avoid triggers right now cuz I feel darkness creeping up and I dont want to let it in... so the avoidance game right now it is.


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## blav

Well...

Mateo's birth certificate came in the mail today. It's bittersweet in a way. Just one more reminder that he's not here, but also nice to have his birth certificate and the memory that he was born alive. 

I almost hate checking the mail sometimes though...always a reminder whether is a hospital bill or his social security card or this. 

I'm sorry you're having a rough day Kelly :-( Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts.


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## dnlfinker

Was thinking about this little boy in my building who is now age 5 and does not speak. Since I was a new mother and all, I had hard time to give my DD immunization. I often found myself fighting with the pediatrician because they were trying to convince me that it is OK to give my 2 month old (hardly 6 pound baby) 5 different shots at the same time. We eventually found a doctor who agreed to give one by one. (Switched at-least 3 doctors for her).Fast forward: We had a visit at pediatric office when she turned 18 month and it was time for her MMR shot (Measles, MUMS, Rubella). This immunization has been under careful watch for several years due to controversy that it can cause autism in children. I was always afraid of giving it to my DD but at 18 months follow up visit, I refused it yet again. The timing was back in July exactly when I found out about Emmuna's medical condition. I explained to our pediatrician the reason why I choose to refuse, and she seemed to understand. She knew about the children with same issues as Emmunah and mentioned that the quality of life was not good.
Thinking about the little boy today, I started to read a forum (other parent&#8217;s comments) about autism. I am just so scared right now, DD is supposed to start school in Sept and we will have no choice but to give it to her. The hell that we went through with my second daughter&#8217;s medical issues, I have zero confidence in giving shots to DD anytime soon. Most parents choose to follow doctor&#8217;s advice and follow the immunization schedule, but given the situation, I am not like others. I have only one daughter now and I will protect her 400%. As I am typing this message, I have this feeling of not wanting to get pregnant again. I have seen and read so many things that I am so scared to even try. 
My hubby said something yesterday &#8220;You were reading about possible problems and might have brought the problem upon yourself". He was not saying it to be mean, it might be very true depending on the beliefs. When I was pregnant with Emmunah, I read through many forums as I was then already scared that something will go wrong. Not in a million years did I think that it could be me (to face such a difficult decision in life), but I was wrong to think that way

I don't know what to do....... Since ever we found out about Emmunah medical condition, I want to protect my one and only daughter. The time is running out and 
I cant open my mouth right now to say, OK lets give her the immunization

Like I mentioned before, I dont know anymore if I want more children either, I am just too scared


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## ericacaca

Oh my goodness! Amanda. I have just logged on and have been shocked and relieved in the space of 5 minutes! I am so glad that all is ok. And that picture is just lovely :hugs:

I'm still around ladies. Just not been awake enough to type. And this morning I had the most horrid dream about spotting and going into hospital etc (but in the most wierdest way and scariest way) that just stuck with me all day and has made me just want to cry my eyes out all the time! It just freaked me out so much - some dreams you just don't remember do you? This one just keeps on reoccuring in my head - its like all my fears rolled into the space of 10 minutes! Argh! 

Hope you are all ok. I will try and be around more. I am so sorry for not being around as much for you as I want to be. I just keep on snoozing! 

Erica xxx


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## OliveBay

Sending hugs to you Kelly, sorry to hear you're feeling down today :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

In fact, sending hugs to everyone on here - we all need a bit of moral support don't we? :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I'm pretty exhausted from a day of putting on my big brave mask at work - its so tiring to keep it up and I don't even think I did a very good job at pretending to be ok (and I don't even care if people noticed!). On a happier note, I think I'm due to OV so its an early night for me and hubby tonight :happydance: This means I'll be able to test by Christmas (trying not to get my hopes up too much but wouldn't a BFP be the best Christmas present ever?!!!!) And even if this isn't our month, at least we're having plenty of fun trying anyway :winkwink:


----------



## blav

OliveBay said:


> Sending hugs to you Kelly, sorry to hear you're feeling down today :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> In fact, sending hugs to everyone on here - we all need a bit of moral support don't we? :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> I'm pretty exhausted from a day of putting on my big brave mask at work - its so tiring to keep it up and I don't even think I did a very good job at pretending to be ok (and I don't even care if people noticed!). On a happier note, I think I'm due to OV so its an early night for me and hubby tonight :happydance: This means I'll be able to test by Christmas (trying not to get my hopes up too much but wouldn't a BFP be the best Christmas present ever?!!!!) And even if this isn't our month, at least we're having plenty of fun trying anyway :winkwink:

Yaaaay! I hope it's your month and our month too! It really would be the absolute BEST Christmas gift OF ALL TIME!

Have fun :sex: and sending you lots of :dust:


----------



## jojo23

yazoo said:


> jojo23 said:
> 
> 
> GIRLS!!!! I just logged in now i cant believe i missed so much... amanda im so happy your ok..i freaked out as well last week when i had a bleed only to see a healthy lil bean in there too, looks like bleding is more commen than we think! thank god everything is good im so happy!
> 
> tanya hun im so sorry af got you hun, been thinkin bout you loads!! am always here!
> 
> well im 12 weeks on thursday yay lol have my scan next week so will be saying lots of prayers and positive thoughts.
> 
> how is everyone girls ive missed so much stupid time difference and work have me all over the place lol xxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> Hi Jo, you know I was thinking the exact same thing the other night. Out of all the rainbow Mammies on here almost everyone has had a bleed of some sort & thank god for each and every one of you it has turned out to be ok. It gives us a little snapshot of the rest of the pregnant ladies in the world and shows us just how common it is.
> 
> Thanks Joelene, Ah I'm not too bad about it. Trying not to think about it but thats easier said than done considering this AF is super heavy and painful. (TMI sorry). I'm thinkin about you and little bubs all the time too. I hope you not finding work too hard coming up to Xmas. I bet your very busy now. Take lots of breaks if you need them. Its a tough job being on your feet all day with a little baba in tow. Oh my hairs not 4 different shades anymore. lol. I put another colour in it but sure it turned out as dark as ever. arrgg. lol. I guess it'll have to do. :hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

LOL LOL i was thinking about your hair today actually wondering what you did with it? its so hard to do it yourself but so expensive to go to a salon hun isnt it. def down this way anyways!!! awe im sorry AF is so heavy hun it knocks the good out of you doesnt it... work is ok hun a little frustrated as its hard to get proper breaks for lunch etc so im just trying to work out how i can manage that at the moment but my boss is my cousin and we're super close and she knows im pregnant and ill tell the rest of the girls my news this week so that will make things easier! well for some good news i got a new puppy today lol im like a child but she's super cute im in love haha! just so nice to have something to take care of and love until this little one gets here! how are you feeling xxxxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


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## jojo23

kelly sending you soooo much love from ireland and to all of you girls too your all amazing and beautiful and some of the nicest people i have ever come across! your all heroes to me xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## blav

Well ladies...OH just got a call from his cousin whose wife is about 7 months pregnant. She was in a bad car accident and is in surgery now. We don't yet know if the baby is okay but are hoping and praying that they will both be okay. I do NOT want her to have to join us here :-(


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hi all!

Kelly, so sorry you are having a rough time hon, no you're not the only one who puts on an act, I find it exhausting mentally to keep it up for too long. I hope we all find things easier after Christmas, I'm hoping that the thought of it is worse than it actually is, IYKWIM? Big :hug: 

Nat, Hon I don't know what to say to you, I used to really stress about this too until I saw a really excellent documentary on British Channel 4 called Dispatches about the fellow who started the whole MMR scare, it's a well-respected journalist made doco series with no side to take and totally impartial and this one dug up lots of info about the whole thing. I don't know if it's available online or not, but it might be worth a shot to find it, it might put your mind at ease. Basically, the original study was done with only about 20-something patients, all of which were contacted knowing they already had autism, so no double-blind control group and all the parents were (obviously) looking for an answer to their children's condition, so very vulnerable to suggestion. The whole study was pretty flawed and there was money involved as well. Basically every rule for medical studies/trials was broken. It also turned out that the guy had applied for the patents to the single vaccines, so there was a LOT to gain from spreading this rumour of the combined vaccines causing autism. I wish i could remember his name but I'm pretty sure he was tried recently for medical malpractice or something in relation to his claims. Have a google hon and see if you can see it. Unfortunately due to his claims spreading and the chinese-whisper type effect there is now a growing problem with measles epidemics and without immunity it can be fatal. I'm not telling you what to do or trying to scare anyone but I struggled hard with this decision as well so thought I'd pass on what I uncovered from reliable sources - as so much of what is claimed has no reference or back-up it can't be relied upon. I'm not big on medicalisation either, Iprefer natural methods where possible so I'm not a "doctor knows best" type at all. As for what your husband said that's simply not possible hon, you were the victim of rotten luck, please don't find another way to blame yourselves.

Blav, Olivebay -GL on your Christmas BFP's, I really hope it happens for you both. Blav :hug: for Mateo's Birth certificate arriving.

Erica, nice to hear from you, glad you are well and sleepy!

Kiki, hope you are getting through OK hun.

ETA: Christine, don't worry hun about if you are pregnant without a period, lots of people seem to have gotten pregnant without one and it's fine.

Bride2b, I hope you get the funeral arranged quickly and it all goes well hon. 

Andrea, I hope your doctor's appointment goes as well as it can, I hope your friend can come with you.

Tanya - Ha you're as bad as me for the pills and potions and self-diagnosis hehe. I wish we could have a real drink together too. Sorry you'r AF is giving you gip, hope it's over soon. 


How's everyone else going? hope you are all well, I've nothing to report really, just hiding from the world and trying to mentally gear myself up for work tonight...

xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Blav, you just posted that while I was still typing, I hope she's OK, all my thoughts and good vibes going her way...xxx


----------



## KamIAm

dnlfinker said:


> Was thinking about this little boy in my building who is now age 5 and does not speak. Since I was a new mother and all, I had hard time to give my DD immunization. I often found myself fighting with the pediatrician because they were trying to convince me that it is OK to give my 2 month old (hardly 6 pound baby) 5 different shots at the same time. We eventually found a doctor who agreed to give one by one. (Switched at-least 3 doctors for her).Fast forward: We had a visit at pediatric office when she turned 18 month and it was time for her MMR shot (Measles, MUMS, Rubella). This immunization has been under careful watch for several years due to controversy that it can cause autism in children. I was always afraid of giving it to my DD but at 18 months follow up visit, I refused it yet again. The timing was back in July exactly when I found out about Emmuna's medical condition. I explained to our pediatrician the reason why I choose to refuse, and she seemed to understand. She knew about the children with same issues as Emmunah and mentioned that the quality of life was not good.
> Thinking about the little boy today, I started to read a forum (other parents comments) about autism. I am just so scared right now, DD is supposed to start school in Sept and we will have no choice but to give it to her. The hell that we went through with my second daughters medical issues, I have zero confidence in giving shots to DD anytime soon. Most parents choose to follow doctors advice and follow the immunization schedule, but given the situation, I am not like others. I have only one daughter now and I will protect her 400%. As I am typing this message, I have this feeling of not wanting to get pregnant again. I have seen and read so many things that I am so scared to even try.
> My hubby said something yesterday You were reading about possible problems and might have brought the problem upon yourself". He was not saying it to be mean, it might be very true depending on the beliefs. When I was pregnant with Emmunah, I read through many forums as I was then already scared that something will go wrong. Not in a million years did I think that it could be me (to face such a difficult decision in life), but I was wrong to think that way
> 
> I don't know what to do....... Since ever we found out about Emmunah medical condition, I want to protect my one and only daughter. The time is running out and
> I cant open my mouth right now to say, OK lets give her the immunization
> 
> Like I mentioned before, I dont know anymore if I want more children either, I am just too scared


Hi Natalie!

Just wanted to send ya some hugs and try to lift you up a bit :hugs: I honestly do NOT have any answers for you... The issue to have your child immunized is a person to person choice and I guess we all believe and feel differently on that BUT I do know that life is scary... Brining a child into this crazy ol' world is scary... That in itself is a personal choice, some choose to not even think about it while others throw caution to the wind and decide to and do the best ya can ... :shrug:

I dunno Nat .... I hate to see you struggling... I pray that you find peace and comfort Hon' ... I don't know anything about your beliefs BUT I believe there is NO way YOU caused those issues with your second daughter.. For some reason, it was in His plan... unfortunately ... :nope: I still struggle with this.. I often wonder and question His doings, why He allows terrible people to deliver healthy children and others He takes .. All very different feelings, thoughts and beliefs on this matter... Just wanted to send you a HUGE cyber hug....

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

blav said:


> Well ladies...OH just got a call from his cousin whose wife is about 7 months pregnant. She was in a bad car accident and is in surgery now. We don't yet know if the baby is okay but are hoping and praying that they will both be okay. I do NOT want her to have to join us here :-(

Oh Blav! I am praying for her and her baby... That is terrible!!!


----------



## dnlfinker

Blav, thats horrible! Hoping that everything is alright with baby and mommy. Keep us posted!


Sorry i am chatty today! I come home and there is two pic of babies hanging on my wall. I say nothing and my mother in law says "look at the pic your daughter cut from a magazine and pasted on white paper". I didnt like one of them because oit looked like one of those 3 D pictures at obgyn office. So i was good and i said nothing! 30 min later she leaves and my OH walks in. At dinner table i just mentioned that i dont like it, without giving him reason why. A bit later on , he takes it off and says that it looks like a sono and gives it to me to bring to trash.I felt as thought it was the first time he really felt ackward and reminded him of Emmunah (he kind of showed how he felt). It made me so happy, even to the point of not get angy at ML for posting it in the firsr place




By the way, somebody showed me this, have anybody tried using such product?
https://www.koshervitamins.com/Zahlers-Kosher-PurePurse-Shepherds-Purse-Alcohol-Free-4-FL-OZ


----------



## Hellylou

Blav - hope your cousin's wife is ok, that sounds awful!

Just to jump in on the immunisation/autism thing - some of you may know my son is autistic with learning difficulties, and he had the MMR jab at 12 months, but I knew things weren't right from about 2 weeks old. He was about 18 months old when things started to get really bad, but the problems were apparent way before he had that vaccine. He was also deprived of oxygen at birth as he grabbed his cord during labour and cut off his supply - he came out with it in his fist!

Anyway, hope everyone's ok. I was in tears this morning after waking up from a dream. I dreamed I thought I might be pregnant so I went to the docs and they scanned me to see, and there was this baby measuring 28 weeks (where I should be now) and I was so happy and confused because I had no bump. Then I felt all the kicks, and was rushing to tell everyone...:cry:

It's my 3 month marker coming up this Saturday...


----------



## Andypanda6570

blav said:


> Well ladies...OH just got a call from his cousin whose wife is about 7 months pregnant. She was in a bad car accident and is in surgery now. We don't yet know if the baby is okay but are hoping and praying that they will both be okay. I do NOT want her to have to join us here :-(

 OMG, I pray they both are ok, that is awful :cry: sending so many prayers for them, please let us know what happens.. XOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:





dnlfinker said:


> Blav, thats horrible! Hoping that everything is alright with baby and mommy. Keep us posted!
> 
> 
> Sorry i am chatty today! I come home and there is two pic of babies hanging on my wall. I say nothing and my mother in law says "look at the pic your daughter cut from a magazine and pasted on white paper". I didnt like one of them because oit looked like one of those 3 D pictures at obgyn office. So i was good and i said nothing! 30 min later she leaves and my OH walks in. At dinner table i just mentioned that i dont like it, without giving him reason why. A bit later on , he takes it off and says that it looks like a sono and gives it to me to bring to trash.I felt as thought it was the first time he really felt ackward and reminded him of Emmunah (he kind of showed how he felt). It made me so happy, even to the point of not get angy at ML for posting it in the firsr place
> 
> 
> 
> 
> By the way, somebody showed me this, have anybody tried using such product?
> https://www.koshervitamins.com/Zahlers-Kosher-PurePurse-Shepherds-Purse-Alcohol-Free-4-FL-OZ

I am glad your husband showed some emotion that was his way of telling you he is hurt also, still ..:hugs: About the MMR??? I just don't know , Nat. It is a personal choice. You have to remember my first son Christopher was born was in 1991 so things were different back then. MMR was nothing for me to worry about and all my kids had them and were fine. My middle son Nicholas was born in 1994 and my last son Anthony in 2000 so I am not up to date on what is safe and what is not. I just got all my kids their shots and that was it :cry: sorry, I can't be more help. But you do what you feel and that is the right thing.:hugs::hugs:


Sorry I don't know of and never heard of that link you posted..
WOW!!!I am a page full of info today, sorry :nope:

XOOXOXXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Blav - hope your cousin's wife is ok, that sounds awful!
> 
> Just to jump in on the immunisation/autism thing - some of you may know my son is autistic with learning difficulties, and he had the MMR jab at 12 months, but I knew things weren't right from about 2 weeks old. He was about 18 months old when things started to get really bad, but the problems were apparent way before he had that vaccine. He was also deprived of oxygen at birth as he grabbed his cord during labour and cut off his supply - he came out with it in his fist!
> 
> Anyway, hope everyone's ok. I was in tears this morning after waking up from a dream. I dreamed I thought I might be pregnant so I went to the docs and they scanned me to see, and there was this baby measuring 28 weeks (where I should be now) and I was so happy and confused because I had no bump. Then I felt all the kicks, and was rushing to tell everyone...:cry:
> 
> It's my 3 month marker coming up this Saturday...

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw Helen, sorry about the dream. xxx

Any word, Blav?


----------



## Andypanda6570

:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad: I just wanted to say these Macy's Ads are killing me here....... They are SOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo
annoying :brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat:

Ahhh... I am ok now :coffee::coffee::coffee::coffee::coffee:


----------



## Bride2b

I feel like such a terrible person, my cousin & his girlfriend had their baby boy this morning......I just sat and cried. I feel so selfish for feeling sad as they deserve a little baby, I dont feel sad that he has arrived, I just feel sad!x


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> I feel like such a terrible person, my cousin & his girlfriend had their baby boy this morning......I just sat and cried. I feel so selfish for feeling sad as they deserve a little baby, I dont feel sad that he has arrived, I just feel sad!x

I know exactly what you mean, I mention these feelings in my blog a lot (not sure if we can put links here but its https://familystartingjourney.blogspot.com/). I had originally planned to post more about trying again and such but we've decided not to tell our family even after we find out I'm pregnant so I'm writing them, but not posting and will post in a few months because my family reads the blog! It's been really theraputic to write about what I'm feeling, maybe it would help you too.

As far as OH's cousin's wife, she seems to be doing well. The surgery was on her leg thankfully and the baby is doing fine (thank goodness). They are going to keep her in the hospital for a little while to monitor the baby but everything is looking good right now.

I also talked to OH last night to make sure he wants to try again this month and he said that he does without a doubt, so that is a big relief. We had talked about it before and kind of left things at, we'll think about it. Then, I kind of decided that we would but never really asked him how he felt about it, but he didn't seem to stop me so I'm glad that he had a chance to voice his concerns if he had them. It feels so good to be on the same page. I love everything about that man so much.


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> I feel like such a terrible person, my cousin & his girlfriend had their baby boy this morning......I just sat and cried. I feel so selfish for feeling sad as they deserve a little baby, I dont feel sad that he has arrived, I just feel sad!x

don't feel bad...this is totally normal, I was pregnant at the same time as three other people in my life, I cried when each of them gave birth. It's just so unfair that our babies died and we miss them so much, its normal to be upset when other people get to take theirs home, of course you are happy for them too, just sad for yourself. xxx


----------



## Bride2b

blav said:


> As far as OH's cousin's wife, she seems to be doing well. The surgery was on her leg thankfully and the baby is doing fine (thank goodness). They are going to keep her in the hospital for a little while to monitor the baby but everything is looking good right now.
> 
> I also talked to OH last night to make sure he wants to try again this month and he said that he does without a doubt, so that is a big relief. We had talked about it before and kind of left things at, we'll think about it. Then, I kind of decided that we would but never really asked him how he felt about it, but he didn't seem to stop me so I'm glad that he had a chance to voice his concerns if he had them. It feels so good to be on the same page. I love everything about that man so much.

Glad your cousins wife is ok, and so is the baby....it just seems that there is one stress after another! But that is great news!

And :thumbup: for you and your OH, so glad you got to properly chat about it and he is ready :happydance:......how exciting that you get to start :sex: for your rainbow, so with that I wish you .....:dust:


----------



## kiki04

OH I am so glad they are ok!!!! :happydance:

As for the MMR- I have done ALOT of research on vaccines. My 2 oldest had the normal vax schedule but then I got wise. ;) My daughter has only had 1 vax and I believe it was at 18 months :shrug: We were going to do the delayed vax schedule but then decided not to even do it. The correlation between the MMR and autism, is being stated that it is about the TIMING of it... Around the age of 12 months is a time of massive brain development. By influencing the childs system by putting a foreign substance in to interrupt the natural rhythm is how it is being questioned about the development of autism. Alot of ppl do a delayed vax schedule and put off the MMR until 18-24 months. This is very common actually.. well in Canada and the USA anyways. 

Also if you research the amount of vax from say 1980 to the amount of vax to now the numbers have grown in astounding and disgusting amounts :( There is just too much now and it is becoming a matter of do the pros outweigh the cons anymore??? 

If you read the link below it is a study about vax vs unvax people and how healthy they are. It shows that VAX people are actually more prone to developing many diseases later in life.

https://healthfreedoms.org/2011/10/14/big-study-vaccinated-kids-2-5-more-diseases-than-unvaccinated/

There are just WAY too many unknown chemicals and foreign substances in those damn vax now days I dont trust them. They say mercury has been "outlaw'd" yet many of the current vax still contain mercury!!! :nope:

So after my long winded note.... if you are worried about the MMR... delaying it to 18-24 months does reduce the risk :thumbup:


----------



## kiki04

Oh and I think I ovulated!! I had an OPK last night I wasn't sure if it was pos or not... it was THAT close... and then this morning temp shot way up so I think it was for sure a +OPK :thumbup: Took til way late in my cycle but at least it finally happened!! :happydance:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Bride2b said:


> I feel like such a terrible person, my cousin & his girlfriend had their baby boy this morning......I just sat and cried. I feel so selfish for feeling sad as they deserve a little baby, I dont feel sad that he has arrived, I just feel sad!x

Your perfectly normal. Let me tell you I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and when I got pregnant with my Ava at 40 it was a complete shock. About 8 weeks later my sister in law who also has 3 boys (She is 37) 15,12 and 9 and who swore wanted NOOOOOOOO more kids got pregnant also. At first I was a little pissed but then I thought maybe we both will have girls and wont that be great and they will be 8 weeks apart :cloud9::cloud9: well after I gave birth to my Ava at 20 weeks, I could not even see my sister in law, at Ava's funeral I would not even look and she kept her coat on the whole time, I think she knew how I would feel seeing her stomach. I didn't know what to do ..how was i going to go to her baby shower,Baptism and so on, all I did was cry :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
then on April 18th at 16 weeks she lost her baby also.. I could not believe it even the doctors were in shock that we lost our babies 7 weeks apart , i felt awful. Then I felt terrible for avoiding her and not being happy for her. Then I realized I didn't wish anything bad on her I love her I just was grieving and I could not be around pregnant women and still 9 months after I lost Ava, I can't be around newborns :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: you are perfectly normal and you need to know this, these feeling will pass but it takes a lot of time.
XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Oh and I think I ovulated!! I had an OPK last night I wasn't sure if it was pos or not... it was THAT close... and then this morning temp shot way up so I think it was for sure a +OPK :thumbup: Took til way late in my cycle but at least it finally happened!! :happydance:

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: I am sooooooooo happy for you..
XOXOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Helen - I owe you a big appology for brining the topic of autism
into the forum. I promise that at the time i was writing it ,
I didnt remember. I would not bring the topic up otherwise.About the dream- 
after we lost Emmunah , I had a lot of bad dreams. MOst of them were that 
my 2 year old daughter was being lost/stollen from us.When we went away 
last month , it did help me and the dreams are not comming anymore 


Blav- I am glad that the baby and the rest of the gang is doing alright. Its 
natural for women to feel that way especially after a loss. Please dont blame 
yoursef that you are bad!


kiki04- THank you for your input about MMR, I will def read the 
link that you gave me.

Tanya,Mahari, Andrea and Kelly - HOw are you guys doing . You are staying awfully quet?


Erica- Welcome back! Being tired all the time is a good sign! I 
promise you one thing: if you sign in here more often, you will not fall 
asleep, especially with this gang .so many things go on here , its hard
to keep up sometimes !


Nikki- How are you doing these days?

Kelly - I am hoping that today is a better day for you and it 
will stay like that :). IN the words of Kelly "Keep on smiling"


As for me: I am all talked out from yesterday :)


Wishing everybody the best

Nat


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Helen - I owe you a big appology for brining the topic of autism
> into the forum. I promise that at the time i was writing it ,
> I didnt remember. I would not bring the topic up otherwise.About the dream-
> after we lost Emmunah , I had a lot of bad dreams. MOst of them were that
> my 2 year old daughter was being lost/stollen from us.When we went away
> last month , it did help me and the dreams are not comming anymore
> 
> 
> Blav- I am glad that the baby and the rest of the gang is doing alright. Its
> natural for women to feel that way especially after a loss. Please dont blame
> yoursef that you are bad!
> 
> 
> kiki04- THank you for your input about MMR, I will def read the
> link that you gave me.
> 
> Tanya,Mahari, Andrea and Kelly - HOw are you guys doing . You are staying awfully quet?
> 
> 
> Erica- Welcome back! Being tired all the time is a good sign! I
> promise you one thing: if you sign in here more often, you will not fall
> asleep, especially with this gang .so many things go on here , its hard
> to keep up sometimes !
> 
> 
> Nikki- How are you doing these days?
> 
> Kelly - I am hoping that today is a better day for you and it
> will stay like that :). IN the words of Kelly "Keep on smiling"
> 
> 
> As for me: I am all talked out from yesterday :)
> 
> 
> Wishing everybody the best
> 
> Nat

LOL..I posted a couple of pages back to you about the MMR, go find it :haha::haha::haha::haha::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

THank you Andrea and everybody else! I read all of your comments!


----------



## dnlfinker

hi , I have read the article and came across another one: 

NOTE: DELETED BECAUSE OF THE NATURE OF THIS ARTICLE!


----------



## Nikki_d72

dnlfinker said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> OH I am so glad they are ok!!!! :happydance:
> 
> As for the MMR- I have done ALOT of research on vaccines. My 2 oldest had the normal vax schedule but then I got wise. ;) My daughter has only had 1 vax and I believe it was at 18 months :shrug: We were going to do the delayed vax schedule but then decided not to even do it. The correlation between the MMR and autism, is being stated that it is about the TIMING of it... Around the age of 12 months is a time of massive brain development. By influencing the childs system by putting a foreign substance in to interrupt the natural rhythm is how it is being questioned about the development of autism. Alot of ppl do a delayed vax schedule and put off the MMR until 18-24 months. This is very common actually.. well in Canada and the USA anyways.
> 
> Also if you research the amount of vax from say 1980 to the amount of vax to now the numbers have grown in astounding and disgusting amounts :( There is just too much now and it is becoming a matter of do the pros outweigh the cons anymore???
> 
> If you read the link below it is a study about vax vs unvax people and how healthy they are. It shows that VAX people are actually more prone to developing many diseases later in life.
> 
> https://healthfreedoms.org/2011/10/14/big-study-vaccinated-kids-2-5-more-diseases-than-unvaccinated/
> 
> There are just WAY too many unknown chemicals and foreign substances in those damn vax now days I dont trust them. They say mercury has been "outlaw'd" yet many of the current vax still contain mercury!!! :nope:
> 
> So after my long winded note.... if you are worried about the MMR... delaying it to 18-24 months does reduce the risk :thumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> EDITED TO REMOVE REFERENCE TO ARTICLE and My comments regarding...
> 
> I think you can find scare-stories about almost anything on the net, unfortunately. I would say check the references on anything you read to make sure claims are substantiated before you worry yourself sick. It's a decision that needs to be yours. It needs to be a well-considered choice, yes, but by wieghing up facts - anyone can claim anything but it needs to be proven in my eyes before it should be given consideration, or at least strongly linked and referenced. That's my 2-cents.
> 
> I found the name of the guy who caused the MMR scandal as well, it was Dr Andrew Wakefield - shamefully he was a british trainee gut specialist at the time but has since been deleted from the medical register and his original fraudulent paper was withdrawn form the Lancet. Unfortunately the doco I was talking about is not available to view outwith the UK due to copywright but a google will reveal it's content in text, it was also featured in a broadsheet newspaper and the journalist won a pulritzer prize for the investigation.
> 
> Like I said I think this is too emotive a subject for this forum but I wanted to put that forward to try to keep the balance so as not to worry anyone who has other children or is carrying their rainbows now.
> 
> HTH xxx
> 
> ETA: Nat, I was going to just delete all of this, but as we have discussed Vax's generally and Kiki has posted the other link I've left that wee bit in as think it's still relevant. Hope that's OK, let me know if you want me to remove it. xxClick to expand...


----------



## dnlfinker

Nikki can you please delete the link in your quoted text, I couldnt agree more with you that it shoudl not be on here so I deleted my previous message!


Thanks


----------



## mhazzab

dnlfinker said:


> Tanya,Mahari, Andrea and Kelly - HOw are you guys doing . You are staying awfully quet?
> 
> Nat

Hi Nat,

I'm fine... can't always keep up with this thread to post, but I do always read!
I'm 11 weeks tomorrow, my scan is on 19th December and I am so nervous. Still feeling sick& tired but it's getting a bit better...of course I don't care as long as my little one is growing. I'm just terrified that I am going to go into the scan and something will be wrong. This is so stressful!

Still depressed about Christmas coming,,,problem is, I love Christmas, so sometimes I get excited that it's coming, and then I realise I have to have it without my beautiful girls and my parents and I get sad again. Roll on next year, hope its a good one for all of us!

Hope everyone else is well...I'm just heading to bed now so don't have time to post individual replies to other messages sorry! xxxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hey Nat - OK, I've deleted that and my comments about it but I've left my general comment on there about referencing articles, I hope that's OK, as we have discussed vax's generally so think it's still relevant. 

I also think that most of us trawl the net looking for answers to many things, including trying to find reasons for our losses (I know I did, exhaustively) and in our vulnerable state may get sucked into many articles, some of which are not helpful, so I think finding ways to recognise the good from the bad, the factual from the fictional is no bad idea in general. I've tried to "train" myself to recognise those with no relevant references as having no real basis and tend to discard them - that goes for all things that should be based on fact for me.

Sorry hon, wasn't having a go at you at all, I just hate the idea of vulnerable people having ideas put in their heads by inaccurate articles and the worldwide MMR scandal is a great example - despite Andrew wakefield being struck off for his fraudulent research last year still the myth he expounded persists. "No smoke without fire" I think is the human reaction so common. I do beleive in questioning everything though, you are right to question!

Anyway, I'll shut up about it now!
xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Nikki_d72 said:


> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> OH I am so glad they are ok!!!! :happydance:
> 
> As for the MMR- I have done ALOT of research on vaccines. My 2 oldest had the normal vax schedule but then I got wise. ;) My daughter has only had 1 vax and I believe it was at 18 months :shrug: We were going to do the delayed vax schedule but then decided not to even do it. The correlation between the MMR and autism, is being stated that it is about the TIMING of it... Around the age of 12 months is a time of massive brain development. By influencing the childs system by putting a foreign substance in to interrupt the natural rhythm is how it is being questioned about the development of autism. Alot of ppl do a delayed vax schedule and put off the MMR until 18-24 months. This is very common actually.. well in Canada and the USA anyways.
> 
> Also if you research the amount of vax from say 1980 to the amount of vax to now the numbers have grown in astounding and disgusting amounts :( There is just too much now and it is becoming a matter of do the pros outweigh the cons anymore???
> 
> If you read the link below it is a study about vax vs unvax people and how healthy they are. It shows that VAX people are actually more prone to developing many diseases later in life.
> 
> https://healthfreedoms.org/2011/10/14/big-study-vaccinated-kids-2-5-more-diseases-than-unvaccinated/
> 
> There are just WAY too many unknown chemicals and foreign substances in those damn vax now days I dont trust them. They say mercury has been "outlaw'd" yet many of the current vax still contain mercury!!! :nope:
> 
> So after my long winded note.... if you are worried about the MMR... delaying it to 18-24 months does reduce the risk :thumbup:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> EDITED TO REMOVE REFERENCE TO ARTICLE and My comments regarding...
> 
> I think you can find scare-stories about almost anything on the net, unfortunately. I would say check the references on anything you read to make sure claims are substantiated before you worry yourself sick. It's a decision that needs to be yours. It needs to be a well-considered choice, yes, but by wieghing up facts - anyone can claim anything but it needs to be proven in my eyes before it should be given consideration, or at least strongly linked and referenced. That's my 2-cents.
> 
> I found the name of the guy who caused the MMR scandal as well, it was Dr Andrew Wakefield - shamefully he was a british trainee gut specialist at the time but has since been deleted from the medical register and his original fraudulent paper was withdrawn form the Lancet. Unfortunately the doco I was talking about is not available to view outwith the UK due to copywright but a google will reveal it's content in text, it was also featured in a broadsheet newspaper and the journalist won a pulritzer prize for the investigation.
> 
> Like I said I think this is too emotive a subject for this forum but I wanted to put that forward to try to keep the balance so as not to worry anyone who has other children or is carrying their rainbows now.
> 
> HTH xxx
> 
> ETA: Nat, I was going to just delete all of this, but as we have discussed Vax's generally and Kiki has posted the other link I've left that wee bit in as think it's still relevant. Hope that's OK, let me know if you want me to remove it. xxClick to expand...
> 
> Thanks Nikki, You did not have to delete the comments just the link! THank you for poiting it out to me , it makes a lot of sense! We dont want to hurt anybody by this information
> 
> THank you THank You!Click to expand...


----------



## Bride2b

Gotta have another rant this evening!!!!!!! I am so fucking annoyed with those fucking bloody emails about you are 19 weeks pregnant! Merry fucking christmas to you and your bump! What to expect at week 20 of your fucking pregnancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How many shitty companies do these people give your email address to when you sign up to a few of the baby/pregnancy things like Bounty/Huggies??????
I've spend the last week unsubscribing to every bloody company yet they still keep on coming. I feel like emailing them back and telling them that I am not pregnant anymore and that they are insensitive arseholes...........

AHHHHH feel better now!

ps Pardon my french! But think this website should invent a wanker smilie!


----------



## Nikki_d72

Bride2b said:


> Gotta have another rant this evening!!!!!!! I am so fucking annoyed with those fucking bloody emails about you are 19 weeks pregnant! Merry fucking christmas to you and your bump! What to expect at week 20 of your fucking pregnancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> How many shitty companies do these people give your email address to when you sign up to a few of the baby/pregnancy things like Bounty/Huggies??????
> I've spend the last week unsubscribing to every bloody company yet they still keep on coming. I feel like emailing them back and telling them that I am not pregnant anymore and that they are insensitive arseholes...........
> 
> AHHHHH feel better now!
> 
> ps Pardon my french! But think this website should invent a wanker smilie!

Aw so sorry honey, those emails are a killer! That's bad if the bounty folk sell on your details like that! Hopefully if you unsubscribe and also mark them as junk in your email folder they should get scrubbed for you. 

I love the idea of a wanker smilie!! hahaha, getting visions of it now! Well we've got a sex one so why not??!! Hehe. Dickhead one might be quite good too lol. 

Hope you get rid of them soon. xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Nikki_d72 said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Gotta have another rant this evening!!!!!!! I am so fucking annoyed with those fucking bloody emails about you are 19 weeks pregnant! Merry fucking christmas to you and your bump! What to expect at week 20 of your fucking pregnancy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> How many shitty companies do these people give your email address to when you sign up to a few of the baby/pregnancy things like Bounty/Huggies??????
> I've spend the last week unsubscribing to every bloody company yet they still keep on coming. I feel like emailing them back and telling them that I am not pregnant anymore and that they are insensitive arseholes...........
> 
> AHHHHH feel better now!
> 
> ps Pardon my french! But think this website should invent a wanker smilie!
> 
> Aw so sorry honey, those emails are a killer! That's bad if the bounty folk sell on your details like that! Hopefully if you unsubscribe and also mark them as junk in your email folder they should get scrubbed for you.
> 
> I love the idea of a wanker smilie!! hahaha, getting visions of it now! Well we've got a sex one so why not??!! Hehe. Dickhead one might be quite good too lol.
> 
> Hope you get rid of them soon. xxxClick to expand...

I'm still getting some of them almost six month later...it's the twin ones that kill me. There's something you can sign up to in the uk, google 'baby mailing preference service' that is supposed to stop the stuff or at least reduce it, no idea if it works though, I only discovered it when ttc again so there didn't seem much point. 
Xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Ow that's terrible Mhairi. I only signed up to one or two and it doesn't seem like my details were passed on, thankfully. That shouldn't be allowed. As I didn't know it was twins beforehand I didn't sign up for any of the twin ones - that's about the only positive from not knowing. I'm sorry you are still getting them. xxx


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just wanted to share im 12 weeks today:) i hope we get some other rainbow babies here soon i really have everything crossed for all of you!! im sorry for anyone whos going through a bad time at the moment, i cant imagine not having this thread to come to and voice my hopes and fears so thanks so much girls love you all loads!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Yay for that milestone, Jojo! xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just wanted to share im 12 weeks today:) i hope we get some other rainbow babies here soon i really have everything crossed for all of you!! im sorry for anyone whos going through a bad time at the moment, i cant imagine not having this thread to come to and voice my hopes and fears so thanks so much girls love you all loads!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Awwwwwwwwwww I can't believe your 12 weeks already!!!!!!!!!!!
SOOOoooooo excited for you :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
Love you so much and can't wait to hear every single milestone of your pregnancy:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:


----------



## Bride2b

Yay congrats on 12 weeks!!!!thats like the first major milestone,well done little rainbow xxxxx


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, 

Sorry I wasn't on yesterday at all. I have a bit to catch up on. So today I would be 39 weeks pregnant. :cry: I definitely feel like I should be diagnosed with bipolar. lol. I'm very up and down. We put up our Christmas tree yesterday and it was very emotional towards the end. I put 2 little decoration on, one with Jakob's name and the other with DD's and I was so sad. AF is over thank god. FX'd it will happen for me this month. 

Joelene, i just went to salon services and got a colour and put it in myself but it has went back as dark as ever. A few years ago I spent a fortune getting black out of my hair. It took ages, cost a fortune and left my hair in bits and I said I'd never do it again. Silly me for going putting dark colours into it again. I'm too indecisive, thats my problem. :haha: Its really expensive here too to get your hair done. What isn't expensive in Ireland. :growlmad: How's Tilly doing? Any pics of her. I love the miniature jack russels, they are so cute. :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Yay for 12 weeks. Are you showing yet? 

Nat- I too had a hard time deciding whether to give DD immunisations but after reading up on it loads I decided to go for it. The studies don't seem to be very reliable and for me after reading it I felt it much safer to get her immunised especially when the studies and research aren't very reliable. Everyone is different though and its your choice. I'm glad your hubby showed how he felt about the pic. I think men try so hard to hide their feelings about these things so its great. 

Helen, I'm sorry hun you ahd such an awful dream. :nope: The 3 month marker is very hard. It's 4 months for me on Sunday. 

Bride2b- that is absolutely normal what you are feeling about the baby being born. I find myself getting pangs of jealousy towards some friends and family members who are pregnant. i'm ashamed of it but I think its absolutely normal. 

Blav- I'm glad your cousins wife is ok and that your OH is on board for ttc again. :hugs::hugs:

Mhairi- I know that everything will be perfect at your scan. Its natural to be nervous. I wish i could say something to help. I know what you mean about loving Christmas. i do too and I have to say when we were putting up at our tree yesterday while listening to Christmas songs I got a little excited but then I felt so sad towards the end of it. I almost felt guilty about being a little excited also. Is that weird?? I feel like I should be sad all the time and not getting excited about it. 

Bride2b- When I was pregnant I joined an Irish website/forum. It sent me weekly emails abotu babies development etc. i loved it when I was pregnant but after little man was born I deleted my membership but continued to get the emails. I emailed them and nicely told them that they should take me off the list as I had cancelled my membership for this reason and my baby had died. I got a very apologetic email back and I haven't received another one from them since. Lol- a wanker smile. Love it.


----------



## winterwonder

Morning, everyone!

Well my friend had her baby girl yesterday, and stuck a picture on facebook and now i feel like s**t. I'm feeling really depressive today,(sorry if TMI) i found some odd looking moles/lumps on my nipples last night, and have made a doc app for monday, still no AF (all i feel like i talk about is my lack of AF!!!), felt really ill last night for no reason, still feeling a bit icky today and i just cant be bothered i just want to hibernate forever!

sorry to be so down.

Christine xx


----------



## mhazzab

winterwonder said:


> Morning, everyone!
> 
> Well my friend had her baby girl yesterday, and stuck a picture on facebook and now i feel like s**t. I'm feeling really depressive today,(sorry if TMI) i found some odd looking moles/lumps on my nipples last night, and have made a doc app for monday, still no AF (all i feel like i talk about is my lack of AF!!!), felt really ill last night for no reason, still feeling a bit icky today and i just cant be bothered i just want to hibernate forever!
> 
> sorry to be so down.
> 
> Christine xx

Awww I'm sorry you were upset by your friends baby...I've had that happen to me several times. This is going to sound awful but I have hidden those people from my news feed right now so I dont see their updates it's just too hard.

I hope everything goes okay for you at the doctors with the lumps, its probably a hormones thing but its best to get checked.Is that about 12 weeks since you gave birth? It took ten weeks for my first AF so you are not far off me, I hope it comes soon (never thought I would ever wish for that!)

Hugs xx


----------



## winterwonder

mhazzab said:


> winterwonder said:
> 
> 
> Morning, everyone!
> 
> Well my friend had her baby girl yesterday, and stuck a picture on facebook and now i feel like s**t. I'm feeling really depressive today,(sorry if TMI) i found some odd looking moles/lumps on my nipples last night, and have made a doc app for monday, still no AF (all i feel like i talk about is my lack of AF!!!), felt really ill last night for no reason, still feeling a bit icky today and i just cant be bothered i just want to hibernate forever!
> 
> sorry to be so down.
> 
> Christine xx
> 
> Awww I'm sorry you were upset by your friends baby...I've had that happen to me several times. This is going to sound awful but I have hidden those people from my news feed right now so I dont see their updates it's just too hard.
> 
> I hope everything goes okay for you at the doctors with the lumps, its probably a hormones thing but its best to get checked.Is that about 12 weeks since you gave birth? It took ten weeks for my first AF so you are not far off me, I hope it comes soon (never thought I would ever wish for that!)
> 
> Hugs xxClick to expand...

I did just that, i've now hidden her from my feed, i'e done that to a few people with kids! Its just over 13 weeks now, but i think i had a small af (day and a half) about 4 weeks afterwards but nothing since, i also continued spotting after that af for about 6-7 weeks.

I'm going to mention it all to doctor on monday, and i just hope he listens.

xx


----------



## Bride2b

winterwonder said:


> Morning, everyone!
> 
> Well my friend had her baby girl yesterday, and stuck a picture on facebook and now i feel like s**t. I'm feeling really depressive today,(sorry if TMI) i found some odd looking moles/lumps on my nipples last night, and have made a doc app for monday, still no AF (all i feel like i talk about is my lack of AF!!!), felt really ill last night for no reason, still feeling a bit icky today and i just cant be bothered i just want to hibernate forever!
> 
> sorry to be so down.
> 
> Christine xx

Christine, my cousins girlfriend had their first baby yesterday.....I have been looking on their facebook pages and want to see a picture. I have no idea why as I know it will probably kill me, but I have some desire to see it!! I was upset yesterday when I heard the news....I think because memories of the delivery room are so fresh and painful. It might just be that I'm naturally curious to see the baby as me & my cousin were really quite close as kids, and I remember him being born (it makes me feel so old!!!)

And the nipple thing....I had little scab like things on mine the weekend before I had Bertie & asked in the 2nd tri forums about it, it appeared to be colostrum coming through...I wonder if this was anything to do with my body prepping for birth? I dont know. Anyway my milk did come through after Bertie was born, and luckily :holly: have gone down now. But this morning I had a similar scab looking thing, so took it off and had milk come out! Strange as there doesnt feel like there is much / any left in there!


----------



## kiki04

My Milk was already beginning to come as well and I lost Hadlee at 17 weeks! And that was one thing I got with all 4 of my babies is those weird lumps on my nipples... and a coworker of mine got it too. Its probably just your milk hun :hugs:


----------



## blav

Did anyone else see that the Duggar's suffered a miscarriage (not sure how far along but it said they were at the appointment to find out gender and didn't find a heartbeat so I'm thinking somewhere between 15-20 weeks). 

I feel so evil for thinking this because I'm sure that they are so sad about this miscarriage, we all know what they're probably going through. But at the same time I just want to be like, my GOD they have 19 other healthy children leave some for the rest of us! I'm almost angry that they are so selfish taking all the healthy babies (like there is some limit on them or something). 

Someone smack me back to reality.


----------



## Bride2b

I think if you have 19 kids at some point your luck will run out......we only want one healthy little one!!!! In the mean time I will just have to keep my dogs as my babies, even though they are probably as badly behaved as some kids as I noticed this morning the have peeled a section of my bloody funky wallpaper off that I put up in the summer!!!!


----------



## rossyrozela

sorry to all the mums who have lost their little ones and for the mums who are pregannat aBIG CONGRATS


----------



## rossyrozela

MaevesMummy said:


> :blush:
> We were escorted from reception by the head bereavment nurse lady.
> She was lovley but still no answers.
> She took my bloods in a seperate room.
> Not sure this is normal, and my husband thinks she was choosing her words very carefully.
> 
> He suspects they are investigating clinical negligence. i think its just because we complained about our care (I HOPE!) I cant even imagine what will happen to my mental health if my query about the clinical side is taken on as a complaint.
> xxxxx:cry:

Hiya sorry for your loss and i too had to terminate at 20 weeks and 5 days ,this was in October the 20th and i was not given any care atall by the hospital,i was told to go on the internet and lok up maristopes then book it.I too have put in acomplain and still waiting,it has been over the 25 days period that they say they will respond .Have they responded to your complain yet ?


----------



## kiki04

blav said:


> Did anyone else see that the Duggar's suffered a miscarriage (not sure how far along but it said they were at the appointment to find out gender and didn't find a heartbeat so I'm thinking somewhere between 15-20 weeks).
> 
> I feel so evil for thinking this because I'm sure that they are so sad about this miscarriage, we all know what they're probably going through. But at the same time I just want to be like, my GOD they have 19 other healthy children leave some for the rest of us! I'm almost angry that they are so selfish taking all the healthy babies (like there is some limit on them or something).
> 
> Someone smack me back to reality.

Can I take a stab at smacking you into reality? lol And I say this jokingly as a friend here...

We all know this pain, wether it be your 1st or your 20th child.. IT HURTS LIKE HELL! :brat: I would never ever ever wish this on anyone...ever... not even the Duggers :cry: I feel just awful for that family :cry:


----------



## Bride2b

Someone should block me from using google! My best friend keeps telling me to get off it but I have an addiction, especially sat here all ady with crap daytime TV. Anyway just found this 

"You can become pregnant again quickly after the birth, so it's a good idea to think about which method you are going to use before you have sex again. Don't wait for your periods to return, or until you have your postnatal check, before you use contraception as you could get pregnant again before then. This is because you ovulate (release an egg) about two weeks before a period, so you can be fertile but not realise it."

Taken from https://www.babyworld.co.uk/information/newparents/contraception.asp

I dont know if you all knew this anyway? 

I am concentrating my efforts on ticking off every new day as a new day closer to trying again....


----------



## blav

kiki04 said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> Did anyone else see that the Duggar's suffered a miscarriage (not sure how far along but it said they were at the appointment to find out gender and didn't find a heartbeat so I'm thinking somewhere between 15-20 weeks).
> 
> I feel so evil for thinking this because I'm sure that they are so sad about this miscarriage, we all know what they're probably going through. But at the same time I just want to be like, my GOD they have 19 other healthy children leave some for the rest of us! I'm almost angry that they are so selfish taking all the healthy babies (like there is some limit on them or something).
> 
> Someone smack me back to reality.
> 
> Can I take a stab at smacking you into reality? lol And I say this jokingly as a friend here...
> 
> We all know this pain, wether it be your 1st or your 20th child.. IT HURTS LIKE HELL! :brat: I would never ever ever wish this on anyone...ever... not even the Duggers :cry: I feel just awful for that family :cry:Click to expand...

Oh I agree, which is why I felt terrible that I thought that for even a second. It truly doesn't matter if it's the 1st or 20th. I know the pain they are surely going through and just feel awful for them.



Bride2b said:


> Someone should block me from using google! My best friend keeps telling me to get off it but I have an addiction, especially sat here all ady with crap daytime TV. Anyway just found this
> 
> "You can become pregnant again quickly after the birth, so it's a good idea to think about which method you are going to use before you have sex again. Don't wait for your periods to return, or until you have your postnatal check, before you use contraception as you could get pregnant again before then. This is because you ovulate (release an egg) about two weeks before a period, so you can be fertile but not realise it."
> 
> Taken from https://www.babyworld.co.uk/information/newparents/contraception.asp
> 
> I dont know if you all knew this anyway?
> 
> I am concentrating my efforts on ticking off every new day as a new day closer to trying again....

I started my period exactly 5 weeks after Mateo was born (about 3 weeks after bleeding stopped). I felt the same way and still do...I should be fertile next weekend sex::sex:) but have the OPK just in case...since it's my first period I wasn't sure how regular it would be and if I'll ovulate noramlly but the period itself was completly normal. I feel like I've been quite lucky when it comes to having a normal AF so soon and I hope that is how it is for you too Suzanne!


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> Someone should block me from using google! My best friend keeps telling me to get off it but I have an addiction, especially sat here all ady with crap daytime TV. Anyway just found this
> 
> "You can become pregnant again quickly after the birth, so it's a good idea to think about which method you are going to use before you have sex again. Don't wait for your periods to return, or until you have your postnatal check, before you use contraception as you could get pregnant again before then. This is because you ovulate (release an egg) about two weeks before a period, so you can be fertile but not realise it."
> 
> Taken from https://www.babyworld.co.uk/information/newparents/contraception.asp
> 
> I dont know if you all knew this anyway?
> 
> I am concentrating my efforts on ticking off every new day as a new day closer to trying again....

i ovulated first, 8 weeks after birth, then had my first AF at 10 weeks, so I can see how it could catch people out! you kinda expect AF to come first don't you?

x


----------



## Bride2b

I really didnt realise this before! I am a bit of a novice I guess with all this pregnancy stuff....its not anything I even considered before we started TTC last year, there is so much to learn!

I just ordered a bulk supply of OPKs off ebay ready so they dont get lost in the Christmas post so they will be ready and waiting hopefully at the end of next month when hopefully we can try again.

It seems really weird but I feel really positive when I think about trying again. Is it wrong to feel positive about trying again? My friend asked me today if we had discussed it, and I said no, only because I dont want people to try and persuade us otherwise, although she is great and I dont think she would, and has been such a major rock for me over the last week or so! Its not something me and OH need to discuss, I know he wants to try again just from some of the things he has said.

Oh and after my rant yesterday we had a chat about housework etc and he said he was just tired when he made the comments. We were chatting in the loft earlier..as he was decking it out with boards... and he did talk about happened, which made me feel good as I want us to talk about it and not bury it, as I think if you bury it sooner or later the grief will rear its ugly head.

Hope your all ok ladies. Is anyone testing soon? Hope all those little rainbows are being good xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> I really didnt realise this before! I am a bit of a novice I guess with all this pregnancy stuff....its not anything I even considered before we started TTC last year, there is so much to learn!
> 
> I just ordered a bulk supply of OPKs off ebay ready so they dont get lost in the Christmas post so they will be ready and waiting hopefully at the end of next month when hopefully we can try again.
> 
> It seems really weird but I feel really positive when I think about trying again. Is it wrong to feel positive about trying again? My friend asked me today if we had discussed it, and I said no, only because I dont want people to try and persuade us otherwise, although she is great and I dont think she would, and has been such a major rock for me over the last week or so! Its not something me and OH need to discuss, I know he wants to try again just from some of the things he has said.
> 
> Oh and after my rant yesterday we had a chat about housework etc and he said he was just tired when he made the comments. We were chatting in the loft earlier..as he was decking it out with boards... and he did talk about happened, which made me feel good as I want us to talk about it and not bury it, as I think if you bury it sooner or later the grief will rear its ugly head.
> 
> Hope your all ok ladies. Is anyone testing soon? Hope all those little rainbows are being good xxx

It's not wrong to feel positive about trying again. You will probably have moments where you feel guilty, I know I did for thinking of it so soon after losing my girls, but it's just human nature to want to try again, I think. My husband told me to think of it as giving our daughters a little brother or sister, that made me feel much better.
I started taking the vitamins again a couple of weeks after the birth, and using the opks / temping about a month afterwards, to get to know my cycle again.

I think I said this somewhere else, but we didn't discuss with anyone else TTC again, we decided we didn't want to hear anyone else's opinions...how can they decide what's best for us - they didn't lose their child at such a late stage, it was us, and only we knew when we were ready. Actually, we would have tried sooner if my stupid body hadn't bled for so long!!

I need my loft floored, you reckon your OH will come do mine? My hubby is crap at DIY, lol!!! ;)

xx


----------



## Bride2b

My OH is not great at DIY....there is usually something that goes wrong, this time he made a hole in the roof lining with the edge of one of the boards! I have a whole host of DIY mishaps he has made, but bless him he does try!

What prenatals did you take? I looked at my tub of folic acid today and wondered when I should start taking them as if we get the all clear in 6 weeks I am not going to waste a minute of TTC & I want this next one to be super healthy! Did you take any pregnacare or similar? I didnt last time & did wonder if I should. I did have a really healthy diet before....as did slimming world for about a year and still try to follow the general rules to keep the love handles at bay! Since falling pregnant all I wanted to eat was stuff like cheese burgers!!!! I did go off chocolate, but since having Bertie I am back on it! I will make sure my diet goes back to super healthy getting 5 a day soon, but to be honest at the moment chocolate is far more appealing than grapes and it makes me feel better! I just want to make sure that I am in the best health for TTC.

x


----------



## KamIAm

:wave: Hi my Friends ...:winkwink:

See all is well in BnB Land ... :hugs:

Tanya, I just absolutely LOVE LOVE your ornaments on your Christmas tree... You are such an amazing mom and she looks JUST like you... So stinkin' pretty!

Jojo, Yay!! 12 weeks!! Already?? Wheww! LOL... Are you showing any yet???

Nikki, just thinking loads about you.... Hope your doing Ok... Sending ya a BIG Cyber hug!!! :hugs:

Andrea, How in the heck are you doing lady?? You seem a bit quieter, so I am hoping that is a good sign that you are doing well.. XOXO

Nat, Hope you are keeping that beautiful chin up today... Just know you are never alone and we love ya bunches!

Helen, where the heck have you been lil missy? Oh, Probably cleaning house and getting ready for some change??? You are gonna be super busy, keep us posted...

Kiki, Hey Hon, how are you doing?? Still think about you sharing your Christmas idea from Hadlee... AMAZING! You are such a great mom:flower: So thoughtful...

Amanda, Hope you are feeling better and your booty is staying in bed, or at least resting some... I send lil prayers your way everyday....

Mhairi, Lil bean treating you well? He/She behaving themselves? Are you feeling better?? Can't believe how fast time is flying for all our lil rainbows ...:happydance:

Hayley, how your lil bump going?? Feeling better?? I can't EVER remember how far along you are... I know I have said this before but I am really gonna have to keep a calendar hahaha ... :dohh: :haha:

Bride2b and Blav... I'm not sure if I've ever really properly (if you even can online) introduce myself ..LOL..:dohh: I'm Kelly...:wave: Sending you both some hugs!!

Erica, your lil one behaving themselves as well?? :hugs:

Anyone hear from Suzanne lately? I haven't scrolled back thru all the chit chat far enough to see if she's be online lately or how she's doing?

Who else am I missing?? I know I am! :dohh:

Well, AFM.... I'm hanging in there... Trying to keep myself busy.. With all the Christmas activities and our family vacation, kind of easy to do... But I do catch myself thinking... "Ah, Emma was suppose to be here with us" with everything we do.... This weekend I am taking the kids to a little town that is about an hour drive.. It's called Santa Claus, Indiana.. They always have so much excitement and the kids love it, but I was suppose to be taking Emma for her first time ... So, I am just battling back those thoughts and truly enjoying the time I am blessed with my other children ... I did see in the news that Michelle Dugger lost her lil one and noticed immediately all the news coverage they got and people saying stuff like "Oh, she has so many other children" "she should be thankful for all her living children"... Man, that killed me when I heard all those comments... Broke my heart... I imagine that is what people still think about me as well, in fact when I first lost Emma, so many people did say those words to me .. "Well just be thankful that God has given you and allowed you to keep your other children".... Wow... Suckerpunch right in the gut... Yes, I am thankful and everyday I wake up and they are alive and healthy, I thank God but that doesn't lessen the pain or make you just get over your lil ones death... I don't know how it feels loosing your only child, I couldn't imagine, to me it does seem harder but the pain of loosing a child ..wheww.. I wouldn't wish that on anyone ..:cry: Sorry for the rant, man that just came from left field... 

On a more lighter, fun note... I went to the salon today.. Had a transformation. hahaha.. She turned me back into a woman! :happydance: Since Emma's death, I haven't cared at all about my appearance ... Well, she fixed me up today...Woot Woot.. I love it..Its a wonder what a lil salon time will do for your spirit :winkwink:

Love you all and hope you have a great weekend!!!! :hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> My OH is not great at DIY....there is usually something that goes wrong, this time he made a hole in the roof lining with the edge of one of the boards! I have a whole host of DIY mishaps he has made, but bless him he does try!
> 
> What prenatals did you take? I looked at my tub of folic acid today and wondered when I should start taking them as if we get the all clear in 6 weeks I am not going to waste a minute of TTC & I want this next one to be super healthy! Did you take any pregnacare or similar? I didnt last time & did wonder if I should. I did have a really healthy diet before....as did slimming world for about a year and still try to follow the general rules to keep the love handles at bay! Since falling pregnant all I wanted to eat was stuff like cheese burgers!!!! I did go off chocolate, but since having Bertie I am back on it! I will make sure my diet goes back to super healthy getting 5 a day soon, but to be honest at the moment chocolate is far more appealing than grapes and it makes me feel better! I just want to make sure that I am in the best health for TTC.
> 
> x

I just took Boots conception vitamins, contains folic acid plus all the other stuff too, then when I got my BFP switched to the pregnancy ones. I thought it couldn't do any harm. They recommend taking folic acid for 3 months (i think?) before pregnancy, (ideally), so it wouldn't do any harm to start again now...you can actually get folic acid on prescription, my doctor gave me some.
you diet sounds much healthier than mine ;)


----------



## Bride2b

I might start the folic acid tomorrow then! I need to send my exemption certificate back for my medical care, so think I'll just buy the folic acid, think I have a fair few left from last time!


----------



## yazoo

KamIAm said:


> :wave: Hi my Friends ...:winkwink:
> 
> See all is well in BnB Land ... :hugs:
> 
> Tanya, I just absolutely LOVE LOVE your ornaments on your Christmas tree... You are such an amazing mom and she looks JUST like you... So stinkin' pretty!
> 
> Jojo, Yay!! 12 weeks!! Already?? Wheww! LOL... Are you showing any yet???
> 
> Nikki, just thinking loads about you.... Hope your doing Ok... Sending ya a BIG Cyber hug!!! :hugs:
> 
> Andrea, How in the heck are you doing lady?? You seem a bit quieter, so I am hoping that is a good sign that you are doing well.. XOXO
> 
> Nat, Hope you are keeping that beautiful chin up today... Just know you are never alone and we love ya bunches!
> 
> Helen, where the heck have you been lil missy? Oh, Probably cleaning house and getting ready for some change??? You are gonna be super busy, keep us posted...
> 
> Kiki, Hey Hon, how are you doing?? Still think about you sharing your Christmas idea from Hadlee... AMAZING! You are such a great mom:flower: So thoughtful...
> 
> Amanda, Hope you are feeling better and your booty is staying in bed, or at least resting some... I send lil prayers your way everyday....
> 
> Mhairi, Lil bean treating you well? He/She behaving themselves? Are you feeling better?? Can't believe how fast time is flying for all our lil rainbows ...:happydance:
> 
> Hayley, how your lil bump going?? Feeling better?? I can't EVER remember how far along you are... I know I have said this before but I am really gonna have to keep a calendar hahaha ... :dohh: :haha:
> 
> Bride2b and Blav... I'm not sure if I've ever really properly (if you even can online) introduce myself ..LOL..:dohh: I'm Kelly...:wave: Sending you both some hugs!!
> 
> Erica, your lil one behaving themselves as well?? :hugs:
> 
> Anyone hear from Suzanne lately? I haven't scrolled back thru all the chit chat far enough to see if she's be online lately or how she's doing?
> 
> Who else am I missing?? I know I am! :dohh:
> 
> Well, AFM.... I'm hanging in there... Trying to keep myself busy.. With all the Christmas activities and our family vacation, kind of easy to do... But I do catch myself thinking... "Ah, Emma was suppose to be here with us" with everything we do.... This weekend I am taking the kids to a little town that is about an hour drive.. It's called Santa Claus, Indiana.. They always have so much excitement and the kids love it, but I was suppose to be taking Emma for her first time ... So, I am just battling back those thoughts and truly enjoying the time I am blessed with my other children ... I did see in the news that Michelle Dugger lost her lil one and noticed immediately all the news coverage they got and people saying stuff like "Oh, she has so many other children" "she should be thankful for all her living children"... Man, that killed me when I heard all those comments... Broke my heart... I imagine that is what people still think about me as well, in fact when I first lost Emma, so many people did say those words to me .. "Well just be thankful that God has given you and allowed you to keep your other children".... Wow... Suckerpunch right in the gut... Yes, I am thankful and everyday I wake up and they are alive and healthy, I thank God but that doesn't lessen the pain or make you just get over your lil ones death... I don't know how it feels loosing your only child, I couldn't imagine, to me it does seem harder but the pain of loosing a child ..wheww.. I wouldn't wish that on anyone ..:cry: Sorry for the rant, man that just came from left field...
> 
> On a more lighter, fun note... I went to the salon today.. Had a transformation. hahaha.. She turned me back into a woman! :happydance: Since Emma's death, I haven't cared at all about my appearance ... Well, she fixed me up today...Woot Woot.. I love it..Its a wonder what a lil salon time will do for your spirit :winkwink:
> 
> Love you all and hope you have a great weekend!!!! :hugs:

Aww thanks Kelly, i love them too- I can't stop looking at them lol. I think its perfect for Jakob and its something we will always have & hopefully I will be able to add to the collect when I am blessed with a little rainbow. Shucks you'll give me a big head. :haha: DD is a pretty little thing though. I love my girl to bits & dunno where I'd be without her.

Kelly your hair is fab. I love it. really suits you. Getting your hair done in a salon really does make you feel so much better doesn't it. I think a wee trip to the hairdressers is in order for me. 

Oh I'm going to google that town now. I bet is brilliant. DD would love it. I read online today about the Duggars and regardless of how many kids anybody has its still heartbreaking to lose a baby. Someone actually said to me "at least you have your daughter"- I really couldn't believe it. Yes I am blessed to have her and I count my blessings everyday but because I have one child doesn't mean that the desire for another isn't as strong as anybody who doesn't have one or that its any easier to deal with a loss because you have a child/children already. Anyway enough of my ranting but I seen some horrible horrible things written about that family today and I think its disgusting. 

I'm logging off now. Wanna watch American Horror Story. Is anyone watching it? Its soo good. 

Nite nite gals. Chat tomorrow. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

I am still here. Just wanted you all to know i love you and think about you all the time. I am doing fine and my diet is really going well :happydance::happydance:
I could not walk this week , cause it rained all week, but tomorrow I am back at work :happydance::happydance::happydance: So far I have been on folic acid for like 8 months. I got my appt with my doctor on Monday, I have not been there since I lost Ava :cry::cry::cry::cry: My friend is coming with me , I just can't go alone. I got a lot done, my wisdom teeth are out, got the flu ,shot took care of all my blood tests and this appt monday so when I start trying I will have a a lot done that I couldn't while pregnant. 

Love You All :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Soooo I am 3dpo and getting a tiny tinge of pink when I wipe. Could IB happen that early? I have never had it :shrug: Mind you I also had really strong O cramps this month which I get ov pains but not ov cramps IYKWIM so I guess it could be O bleeding too right:shrug:


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> Soooo I am 3dpo and getting a tiny tinge of pink when I wipe. Could IB happen that early? I have never had it :shrug: Mind you I also had really strong O cramps this month which I get ov pains but not ov cramps IYKWIM so I guess it could be O bleeding too right:shrug:

sorry I don't know, I've never had O bleeding or IB. I'm not sure if IB could happen that early though? Or could you have O'd earlier than you think?

good luck! x


----------



## kiki04

Well if you look at my chart it is a very obvious O and a late one at that! I dont know what happened this month... maybe my meds :shrug: but O was way late so I dont know if I expect a longer cycle with my normal LP, or a normal cycle with a super short LP :shrug: I have also never had O bleeding or IB either so I have no clue what this is :dohh:


----------



## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> Well if you look at my chart it is a very obvious O and a late one at that! I dont know what happened this month... maybe my meds :shrug: but O was way late so I dont know if I expect a longer cycle with my normal LP, or a normal cycle with a super short LP :shrug: I have also never had O bleeding or IB either so I have no clue what this is :dohh:

wow, that is obvious, lol! nice chart! I would _think_ your cycle will just be longer, but I'm no expert! I suppose maybe if the meds delayed O, it may also have caused a little O bleeding that you don't normally get? I don't know... Or do you think it could be IB? It will be interesting to see whether you see a dip in temp that could be implantation. Think you might just have to wait and see! (booo!)

xx


----------



## kiki04

Ahhh the oh so fun 2ww I suppose :dohh: I wasn't trying this month AT ALL and then this month I go and have a super textbook chart.. like one of the best looking charts I have ever had, other then a super late O... and now this. We shall see I guess :lol:


----------



## Hellylou

Hi all...hope everyone is ok. Haven't had time to breathe lately let alone spend proper time here catching up :wacko:

Been super busy looking at houses and getting stressed over everything - this is so hectic I think being heavily pregnant would have been really tough on top of it all. But I got sad today because it's the 10th, and it's the 3 months marker today, and just feeling the pressure from everything at the moment - I have estate agents bugging me, in laws bugging me, a party to go to tonight which I really don't want to go to, but have to, Christmas presents to buy, in laws bugging me for present ideas, fighting with OH over every house related issue, and to top it off I got AF today so am crampy tense and irritable.

Happy happy happy!!:growlmad:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Sorry Helen you're getting bugged from every side! I'm hoping the party turned out better than expected and maybe lifted a bit of the stress for you hon. 

Kiki, I've only had O bleeding once and it was when we concieved the boys. I'm not sure if it had any bearing on it at all but it was only 1DPO (approx - I wasn't charting, only body signs) so way too early for IB. Do you think it's possible that your delayed OV maybe caused the follicle to enlarge a bit so it's caused bleeding and cramps when it burst? I know the bleeding can take a while to make it's way down and out. Not very scientific I know but just a thought. Here's hoping it's an indicator of some kind of super-mammoth OV that will get you your rainbow hon! I've read that IB can be from 6 days, so if it's not Ov bleeding maybe you've got a super-speedy egg, that turbo-d it's way down your tube to get itself implanted, hehehe. GL!

How's everyone else going? 

Kelly, good to hear from you, hope you are feeling better hon.

Andrea, likewise, good on you for getting into your diet and excersise, hope it's still going well.

All our rainbow-makers all good? Hope so. Amanda, how are things now hon? can't wait to hear about your next scan, and all of yours.

Nat, you OK hon?

Tanya, how you hon now?

Sorry if I've missed anyone, I was working quite late last night, bit foggy. 

AFM, nothing to report really - been working extra and digging in the garden so pretty wrecked and starting to really panic about Christmas...

xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Sorry Helen you're getting bugged from every side! I'm hoping the party turned out better than expected and maybe lifted a bit of the stress for you hon.
> 
> Kiki, I've only had O bleeding once and it was when we concieved the boys. I'm not sure if it had any bearing on it at all but it was only 1DPO (approx - I wasn't charting, only body signs) so way too early for IB. Do you think it's possible that your delayed OV maybe caused the follicle to enlarge a bit so it's caused bleeding and cramps when it burst? I know the bleeding can take a while to make it's way down and out. Not very scientific I know but just a thought. Here's hoping it's an indicator of some kind of super-mammoth OV that will get you your rainbow hon! I've read that IB can be from 6 days, so if it's not Ov bleeding maybe you've got a super-speedy egg, that turbo-d it's way down your tube to get itself implanted, hehehe. GL!
> 
> How's everyone else going?
> 
> Kelly, good to hear from you, hope you are feeling better hon.
> 
> Andrea, likewise, good on you for getting into your diet and excersise, hope it's still going well.
> 
> All our rainbow-makers all good? Hope so. Amanda, how are things now hon? can't wait to hear about your next scan, and all of yours.
> 
> Nat, you OK hon?
> 
> Tanya, how you hon now?
> 
> Sorry if I've missed anyone, I was working quite late last night, bit foggy.
> 
> AFM, nothing to report really - been working extra and digging in the garden so pretty wrecked and starting to really panic about Christmas...
> 
> xxx

Me too... :cry::cry::cry: I am getting really sad and Christmas came sooooo fast this year, where the hell did 2011 go :shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug:
I just feel so sad and that is so wrong on Christmas, so I have to pretend I am happy for my kids, but I am dying inside. I miss Ava so much :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
Love You All xoxox


----------



## collie_crazy

Hello girls just checking in quickly from my phone to let you all know I'm still alive :haha: I've just been really ill and unable to get on the computer much :cry: Even throwing up water the last few days again. Still on bedrest! Been getting tummy pains and some pains in my lower back since yesterday so have convinced myself something is wrong or I'm going to start bleeding again :( although the pain might just be from lying around all day but I'm scared to move too much incase it causes the bleeding again. 

Time is on a go slow. I also had a major cry yesterday because I feel so guilty that I've not been able to visit Emilys grave in over a week. Plus we had super strong winds of 90mph the other day and I'm sure all her things will have been blown away :cry:

Sorry I didn't mean to moan :hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Hello girls just checking in quickly from my phone to let you all know I'm still alive :haha: I've just been really ill and unable to get on the computer much :cry: Even throwing up water the last few days again. Still on bedrest! Been getting tummy pains and some pains in my lower back since yesterday so have convinced myself something is wrong or I'm going to start bleeding again :( although the pain might just be from lying around all day but I'm scared to move too much incase it causes the bleeding again.
> 
> Time is on a go slow. I also had a major cry yesterday because I feel so guilty that I've not been able to visit Emilys grave in over a week. Plus we had super strong winds of 90mph the other day and I'm sure all her things will have been blown away :cry:
> 
> Sorry I didn't mean to moan :hugs:

Amanda it's lovely to hear from you, I was worried about you again!! Sorry you have been so ill. I'm sure it's a sign of a strong little bean in there! Just you continue taking it easy.

It was super windy here too, although I think it was worse down your way, haven't seen gales like that in a long time!

I'm sure Emily understands...you don't need to go to the grave to visit her, she is a part of you and is always in your heart.

xxx


----------



## kiki04

collie_crazy said:


> Hello girls just checking in quickly from my phone to let you all know I'm still alive :haha: I've just been really ill and unable to get on the computer much :cry: Even throwing up water the last few days again. Still on bedrest! Been getting tummy pains and some pains in my lower back since yesterday so have convinced myself something is wrong or I'm going to start bleeding again :( although the pain might just be from lying around all day but I'm scared to move too much incase it causes the bleeding again.
> 
> Time is on a go slow. I also had a major cry yesterday because I feel so guilty that I've not been able to visit Emilys grave in over a week. Plus we had super strong winds of 90mph the other day and I'm sure all her things will have been blown away :cry:
> 
> Sorry I didn't mean to moan :hugs:

Hun I know you feel badly about not visiting but if there is one thing I know.... is that our angels know whats going on down here.. and Emily knows you are not ignoring her, or neglecting her.... she knows you are baking her a sibling so I am pretty sure she would want you to put yourself and the baby's health as a priority :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

kiki04 said:


> Ahhh the oh so fun 2ww I suppose :dohh: I wasn't trying this month AT ALL and then this month I go and have a super textbook chart.. like one of the best looking charts I have ever had, other then a super late O... and now this. We shall see I guess :lol:

I dont think I can wait 2 weeks!!!!!its so exciting,really hope u get the Christmas BFP,can't imagine how flipping awesome this would be! Good luck xx


----------



## Bride2b

Hope everyone is ok. I got out n about for the first time yesterday & had an Xmas do to go to with OH. Someone asked me how the pregnancy was going...I had to say I'm sorry but you've obviously not heard!poor guy felt terrible...I felt worse as I think I'd die if I said the to someone!i was wearing a dress that had a full skirt from the waist so people wouldn't have necessarily noticed there wasn't a belly! I though OH had let people know....clearly not! The guy who asked has just started TTC with his wife via IVF. His wife was lovely n told me she had a mc last year at 8 weeks and was so lovely. I wished her the best of luck with trying & I genuinely mean it. Not sure how I got through it but managed to not shed a tear. Think it helped having a few wines & I was determined not to lose my fake eye lashes!!!

2 weeks tomorrow since I lost Bertie,need to call up to chase the funeral!its doing me in!

Still bleeding (tmi),just want it to stop now!!!!Sooner my body is back to normal the better as just want to start over again & give baby Bertie a little brother or sister xxxx


----------



## kiki04

Awww I think we have all had that moment and it is very difficult. Going back to work for me alot of ppl didnt know so I was getting it for awhile. I'm sorry you had to go through that :hugs: But way to go for being so strong about it. :thumbup: Not many of us could be able to pull that off :hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, sorry I've not had a chance to catch up properly. Feeling a bit sick and have had really bad headaches all day. 4 months today since my beautiful baby boy came into the world. Just finding this all so hard. I'll catch up properly when I'm feeling better. Love you all. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

kiki04 said:


> collie_crazy said:
> 
> 
> Hello girls just checking in quickly from my phone to let you all know I'm still alive :haha: I've just been really ill and unable to get on the computer much :cry: Even throwing up water the last few days again. Still on bedrest! Been getting tummy pains and some pains in my lower back since yesterday so have convinced myself something is wrong or I'm going to start bleeding again :( although the pain might just be from lying around all day but I'm scared to move too much incase it causes the bleeding again.
> 
> Time is on a go slow. I also had a major cry yesterday because I feel so guilty that I've not been able to visit Emilys grave in over a week. Plus we had super strong winds of 90mph the other day and I'm sure all her things will have been blown away :cry:
> 
> Sorry I didn't mean to moan :hugs:
> 
> Hun I know you feel badly about not visiting but if there is one thing I know.... is that our angels know whats going on down here.. and Emily knows you are not ignoring her, or neglecting her.... she knows you are baking her a sibling so I am pretty sure she would want you to put yourself and the baby's health as a priority :hugs:Click to expand...

Well-said Kiki (and Mhairi). Hope you are OK Amanda xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> Hope everyone is ok. I got out n about for the first time yesterday & had an Xmas do to go to with OH. Someone asked me how the pregnancy was going...I had to say I'm sorry but you've obviously not heard!poor guy felt terrible...I felt worse as I think I'd die if I said the to someone!i was wearing a dress that had a full skirt from the waist so people wouldn't have necessarily noticed there wasn't a belly! I though OH had let people know....clearly not! The guy who asked has just started TTC with his wife via IVF. His wife was lovely n told me she had a mc last year at 8 weeks and was so lovely. I wished her the best of luck with trying & I genuinely mean it. Not sure how I got through it but managed to not shed a tear. Think it helped having a few wines & I was determined not to lose my fake eye lashes!!!
> 
> 2 weeks tomorrow since I lost Bertie,need to call up to chase the funeral!its doing me in!
> 
> Still bleeding (tmi),just want it to stop now!!!!Sooner my body is back to normal the better as just want to start over again & give baby Bertie a little brother or sister xxxx

Well done you, managing to go out to a Xmas do like that, it must have been so hard you should be proud of yourself. I think we have all been in the situation where you speak to someone who hadn't heard its awful I always end up feeling sorry for them! Hugs xx


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Hi girls, sorry I've not had a chance to catch up properly. Feeling a bit sick and have had really bad headaches all day. 4 months today since my beautiful baby boy came into the world. Just finding this all so hard. I'll catch up properly when I'm feeling better. Love you all. :hugs::hugs:

 Thinking of You and Jakob today xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Tanya, sorry you're feeling yuk but I'm hpoing it's a good sign for you, what DPO you at? 4 months is hard, take it easy on yourself hun. Love to you and Jakob xx 

bride, I'm sorry you had to face questions like that at a party, well done you for holding it together though! I would have been a blithering wreck! I got it at work a lot too, still do occasionally, it gets easier with time, as I didn't even know how to say it at first, sort of didn't want to say it out loud, which is daft I know. I hate making others feel uncomfortable too so play it down then feel guilty that I'm denying my boys. I don't really want to share with folk I don't know well now anyway, in fact I don't really share my true feelings with anyone else but you ladies now, I don't think. Anyway well done.

I don't have much to report except to give you all a bit of a laugh I'm about Ov time and could feel the pains yesterday for the first time properly in a few months so thought yeeha but had to work quite late. Anyway, it's a full moon here too so thought that was a good omen, so went for a shower and decided to go out and "charge up" my moonstone necklace, so ran into the front garden with a towel around me pointing this moonstone to the moon and just suddenly stopped and thought "what the HELL are you doing, woman?!" I've turned into a mad hippie, lucky the neigbours were in bed and it's a rural place I'm in eh?! Then I went inside and DH and I had an argument so that was the end of that. Another month missed and a fully-charged moonstome with no purpose, ha! What an eedjit, I've lost it. This being the month that I was going to chill out and not bother as well, yeah right.

Hope you are all well, much love and moonbeams to all xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Hi girls, sorry I've not had a chance to catch up properly. Feeling a bit sick and have had really bad headaches all day. 4 months today since my beautiful baby boy came into the world. Just finding this all so hard. I'll catch up properly when I'm feeling better. Love you all. :hugs::hugs:

I know how you feel, it has been 9 months for me and I just can't believe how fast this time goes for us :cry::cry::cry: Hope you feel better and just know I am thinking of you and your angel Jakob:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Well as you all know I am not TTC till around February, but I just wanted to say I am doing great and loosing weight. I am back out there and walking 3 miles a day, not running my 5 miles a day like I used to, but I am getting there. Honestly I am so proud of myself I have lost almost 10 pds so far and it's only 2 weeks :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: I am not eating much, I eat breakfast and lunch (Hight Fiber diet) and then whatever i make for dinner I will eat half, I am just not hungry. This is the first time in 9 months that I am finally accomplishing something.. I need to do this in order to get pregnant so maybe that is why I am sooooo motivated. :shrug::shrug: Whatever it is I need to stay positive and know Ava is ok. I am doing this for her in a way also. So tomorrow is my BIG day....... I go to see my OBGYN and it is the first time I will be seeing him since loosing Ava ( 9 months) I just could not go in that office again, but I need to go and make sure everything is ok, it is my last step before TTC. Did my wisdom teeth , got my flu shot , got all my blood work (all was good) , my thyroid is in check need to test again in 8 weeks, but so far it has been fine since October. So now seeing my doctor is the last step, God get me through tomorrow without crying :dohh::dohh::dohh: then I will tell him if he thinks I should try again which I know he will say yes, so once i loose about 20 more pds, I am good to go. 

Wish me luck... Love you all so much :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Oh Andrea it sounds like you are doing so much better :hugs: That makes me so happy :cloud9: I am very proud of you for getting back on track and working towards your next goal... :thumbup: I wish I could go with you to the dr but since I can't I will be with you in spirit, so if you have a weak moment, just picture the room full of all of us saying "Andrea... you can DO THIS!" and then I imagine you will giggle and your dr will think you're delusional :rofl:

AFM-I just baked my very first ever batch of brownies FROM SCRATCH! No box brownies tonight :happydance: Also on the top before they went in the oven, I put cut up Mars bar pieces all over the top, then when they came out, I poured my HOME MADE caramel sauce on top then sprinkled chocolate chips all over... oh em gee it is amazing :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Well done Andrea, you're doing soo well already! Wow. keep it up, girl! I hope you get on fine tomorrow and if you do cry, well so what? Your OBGYN will understand I'm sure. Hope it goes well honey, I'll be thinking of you.

Kiki, those sound great!

It's so hard to motivate myself to diet when I'm surrounded by food at work! I've been trying to eat salads all the nights when I'm there but our chef is french so always puts yummy things on like croutons and lashings of dressing, oh dear. And I was too busy on Sat night to have a proper dinner so just got a bowl of fries sent up so I could graze between serving, oops!


----------



## Bride2b

Yay for you lady!!!!! This is awesome! It's great you have something positive to focus on & it's working! Ava would be proud hun,it's so great that it's making you feel better,and that you have started the journey to ttc again!

Good luck with your appointment,your doing really well so take the positive energy & think to the future,your doing this for your rainbow & to make Ava a really proud big sister. 

It's amazing to see.....I hope this is the start of a new happy chapter for you

Xxxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Oh Andrea it sounds like you are doing so much better :hugs: That makes me so happy :cloud9: I am very proud of you for getting back on track and working towards your next goal... :thumbup: I wish I could go with you to the dr but since I can't I will be with you in spirit, so if you have a weak moment, just picture the room full of all of us saying "Andrea... you can DO THIS!" and then I imagine you will giggle and your dr will think you're delusional :rofl:
> 
> AFM-I just baked my very first ever batch of brownies FROM SCRATCH! No box brownies tonight :happydance: Also on the top before they went in the oven, I put cut up Mars bar pieces all over the top, then when they came out, I poured my HOME MADE caramel sauce on top then sprinkled chocolate chips all over... oh em gee it is amazing :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

 Did you have to mention the brownies :dohh::dohh::dohh::dohh::dohh: I was only focusing on this part of the whole post ..... I want one now :growlmad::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat: :haha::haha:
Thank you and I will be thinking of you all, my doctor is really nice and I knew I could not cancel cause he has a lot of patients and it would have took me weeks to get an appointment. and I wanted to just go and get it over with.

XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:





Nikki_d72 said:


> Well done Andrea, you're doing soo well already! Wow. keep it up, girl! I hope you get on fine tomorrow and if you do cry, well so what? Your OBGYN will understand I'm sure. Hope it goes well honey, I'll be thinking of you.
> 
> Kiki, those sound great!
> 
> It's so hard to motivate myself to diet when I'm surrounded by food at work! I've been trying to eat salads all the nights when I'm there but our chef is french so always puts yummy things on like croutons and lashings of dressing, oh dear. And I was too busy on Sat night to have a proper dinner so just got a bowl of fries sent up so I could graze between serving, oops!

Will you all stop talking about food , all of you :brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::haha::haha:
Thanks for your support, I hope to not cry, but I don't know. That room is going to bring back all that drama of loosing my Ava..Even pulling up to the building is going to make my blood pressure shoot up, I know it ..:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


Bride2b said:


> Yay for you lady!!!!! This is awesome! It's great you have something positive to focus on & it's working! Ava would be proud hun,it's so great that it's making you feel better,and that you have started the journey to ttc again!
> 
> Good luck with your appointment,your doing really well so take the positive energy & think to the future,your doing this for your rainbow & to make Ava a really proud big sister.
> 
> It's amazing to see.....I hope this is the start of a new happy chapter for you
> 
> Xxxx

Thanks so much :hugs: and thanks for NOT talking about food :brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::haha:

Yes I am proud of myself and I have not been able to say that for a long time :cry::cry: and I want Ava to look down on me and see how hard I am trying to get on without her. I know one day I will see her face again, but for now I need to take care of myself and keep myself healthy :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kiki04

Andrea-NY is only a couple hour flight from me. I am just above the border In Winnipeg MB :thumbup: Fly up here and I promise to make a fresh batch just for you! :thumbup:


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## kiki04

I had a big temp dip on my chart today....5dpo. If that shoots back up tomorrow I think I might start to freak out. Spotting AND a temp dip... ummmm. Someone stop my brain from even going there...please! :baby:


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## mhazzab

kiki04 said:


> I had a big temp dip on my chart today....5dpo. If that shoots back up tomorrow I think I might start to freak out. Spotting AND a temp dip... ummmm. Someone stop my brain from even going there...please! :baby:

Kiki, sorry, I can't stop your brain from going there, mine definately would be too!!!

ummm, just keep telling yourself that you need to look at the whole run of temps and not just one?? or keep baking those brownies as a distraction for the next few days? When I was TTC i was desperate to go to bed every night so I could see my temp in the morning:haha:

xxx


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## kiki04

I know! I love going to bed now cuz I know I will get another temp when I wake up :rofl:


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## collie_crazy

Bleeding again :(


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## dnlfinker

collie_crazy said:


> Bleeding again :(

 It will be ok , please dont panic. ITs a good thing that the doctor 
told you taht it can happen. Praying for your little bean, everything is 
going to be fine !


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## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Bleeding again :(

Sorry to hear this :( but remember they did say to expect that so try not to panic. Have you had the next scan yet? X


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## Hellylou

collie_crazy said:


> Bleeding again :(

I know how scary this must be, hun. They did warn you there'd be more - probably just the left over from what happened the last time. Just remember that little baba was safe and snug last time, and will still be this time too.:hugs: When is your next scan?


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## kiki04

:hugs: I know you're scared but like the others said... this was to be expected, and baby is OK :thumbup: I just know this is your rainbow to take home. There might be some scary bumps along the way... but you will be holding your baby safe and sound in a few short months :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Amanda, I know it's no use us saying not to panic as I know we all would too, but please try to keep it in your mind that they said you probably would bleed some more. I have everything crossed for your little gummy bear, have you called them to tell them, or have you had another scan yet? I hope you don't have long to wait for your scan hon. xxx


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## winterwonder

collie_crazy said:


> Bleeding again :(

Oh i hope everything is ok :hugs: xxx

So went to the doctors today, he said the odd looking mole was nothing to worry about and when i brought up my disappearing AF, he said basically not to bother trying to figure out a cycle but just test monthly! LOL I'm sure my doctor is one of the few that actually understands how crazy women can be, as at one point he asked when was the last time i tested, and also told me the nearest place to buy cheap tests, the pound shop and that they used to use them at his surgery as they became more reliable than the ones they were supplied with!

Hope everyone else is ok lots of :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Amanda, I am praying for you and I hope everything is ok ,,Love You:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Everything went well. He told me I could try right now and why do I want to loose weight first? I said I would just feel better doing it this way. He always gives me a vaginal sonogram at every visit he said everything looks great and whenever I want to try then try. He then said he thinks in his opinion that Ava did have Trisomy 18 he can't prove it but he highly suspects it :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: He said Andrea it was a fluke it wont happen again and go for it. I asked about doing the CVS and he said he wouldn't want me to do that cause the miscarriage rate is high. So now I don't know what I would do, i don't want to wait for Amnio cause then it would be to far into pregnancy, what do they do earlier do the do scans maybe to see something.? I don't want to get to the second trimester and find bad news. I am happy but confused now..:hugs::hugs:


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## OliveBay

Andrea I'm glad it went well for you, although I can imagine your worries about next time. Could they get information from a blood test in the first trimester? I'm not sure how many different genetic disorders they can detect that way though. 
Keep up the positive thoughts :hugs:


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## OliveBay

Amanda, I hope everything is ok :hugs:


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## KamIAm

collie_crazy said:


> Bleeding again :(


Amanda, when is your next scan???? How much bleeding? Thinking about you chicka! You will be in my thoughts and prayers babe!!! :hugs:


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## KamIAm

kiki04 said:


> I had a big temp dip on my chart today....5dpo. If that shoots back up tomorrow I think I might start to freak out. Spotting AND a temp dip... ummmm. Someone stop my brain from even going there...please! :baby:

Woman!!!! :happydance: You now officially have another stalker!!!! :flasher:

Can't wait to follow and hear all your updates!!! I have EVERY STINKIN" thing crossed for you Hon' .... :happydance:


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## Nikki_d72

Andypanda6570 said:


> Everything went well. He told me I could try right now and why do I want to loose weight first? I said I would just feel better doing it this way. He always gives me a vaginal sonogram at every visit he said everything looks great and whenever I want to try then try. He then said he thinks in his opinion that Ava did have Trisomy 18 he can't prove it but he highly suspects it :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: He said Andrea it was a fluke it wont happen again and go for it. I asked about doing the CVS and he said he wouldn't want me to do that cause the miscarriage rate is high. So now I don't know what I would do, i don't want to wait for Amnio cause then it would be to far into pregnancy, what do they do earlier do the do scans maybe to see something.? I don't want to get to the second trimester and find bad news. I am happy but confused now..:hugs::hugs:

Hi Andrea, glad it went well and he gave you the green light honey. I can understand your worries about next time, though you know the odds of having the same problem are ridiculously small. I know statistics are cold comfor though for us. 

Do they do the Nuchal Translucency Test along with bloods there? (think it might be called the triple screen, but check that) I'm sure they would. It's a combination of a measurement of the nuchal fold at the back of the baby's neck done by scan at 12 weeks and bloods done by 12 or 13 weeks, I think. Together they give a risk factor analysis for chromosomal abnormalities. It is not a diagnostic tool, so doesn't give solid answers, but what it does give is a strong indication of risk, so further diagnostic testing can either be reccommended (such as amnio or CVS), or if the risk is low (as most times it is), then the need for amnio or CVS is ruled out. The best thing is it's completely non-invasive to the baby, just a scan and blood test for you. It may be worth an ask, or a google about it. I'm sure it will be done in the states if it's done here. There are also many clues picked up on U/S, such as femur length and a bone in the nose but I'm not sure if these are able to be picked up on the 12 week scan or only the 20. Sorry I'm no help there, does anyone else know? 

I think, hard as it is, Andrea you may have to just find the faith that it will all be OK. I have no guarantees that my waters won't break again, I just have to trust that that happened because it was twins - there are a few things the doctors can do to watch out for changes but ultimately it is a gamble. It's so hard I know but anything could happen to anyone at any time and I can't allow my life to be crippled by all those what-if's to the extent that I don't live, same goes for trying again for me. I know I'll be singing a different tune if I do get pregnant! I know it will be terrifying and I know I haven't really given myself enough time to heal but I feel that I will just have to deal with it as I go along because I don't have time to spare. The age gap with my only DD worries me more than my physical age, to be honest, I never wanted her to be on her own this long. (Though my Mum just admitted to me that she hit menopause early at about 45 - 48 ish so that scared the cr*p outa me! She started her periods early too and so did I, eek!) Obviously you have to do what's right for you. What I'm prepared to do may be completely different to what you are and so on, I'm not saying I'm doing blah so you have to as well! You will know where your own boundaries are, the point I'm making is that if we allowed ourselves to think about every single thing that could go wrong in life we'd never leave the house, or let our children out! We can't live like that. We've had a taste of the nastiness that can happen in pregnancy though so we focus on that, it's natural. I hope you can get past the fear and allow yourself some hope hon. Right, now to fully convince myself the same, hehe!

I hope you do find the strength to try again honey and I hope you get your rainbow soon. I wish you all the love and luck in the world. xxx


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## collie_crazy

Thank you girls :hugs: I am trying hard not to stress but it's hard not to, you know? I keep telling myself they said this might happen but it's concerned me because there has been nothing for a whole week and then this again :( it's not as heavy as last week but it's pretty steady and started like a full flow no spotting. 

No cramps and no clots though so hoping my little gummy bear is holding out ok in there! Next scan is on Wednesday so I don't see any point in calling them tomorrow because they wouldn't be able to get me in any quicker. Hoping it stops soon it just feels so wrong :(


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## kiki04

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: 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Does that help just a teeny tiny lil itty bitty bit?


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## KamIAm

collie_crazy said:


> Thank you girls :hugs: I am trying hard not to stress but it's hard not to, you know? I keep telling myself they said this might happen but it's concerned me because there has been nothing for a whole week and then this again :( it's not as heavy as last week but it's pretty steady and started like a full flow no spotting.
> 
> No cramps and no clots though so hoping my little gummy bear is holding out ok in there! Next scan is on Wednesday so I don't see any point in calling them tomorrow because they wouldn't be able to get me in any quicker. Hoping it stops soon it just feels so wrong :(

Amanda.... Did you bleed like this with Emily???? I am totally clueless with this (I've never done this with any of my pregnancies) ...:shrug:


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## kiki04

KamIAm said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> I had a big temp dip on my chart today....5dpo. If that shoots back up tomorrow I think I might start to freak out. Spotting AND a temp dip... ummmm. Someone stop my brain from even going there...please! :baby:
> 
> Woman!!!! :happydance: You now officially have another stalker!!!! :flasher:
> 
> Can't wait to follow and hear all your updates!!! I have EVERY STINKIN" thing crossed for you Hon' .... :happydance:Click to expand...

:happydance:


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## mhazzab

Lol Kiki well said with the hugs for Amanda that should do it xxx


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## KamIAm

Holy Moly Kiki! hahahaha! Just seen all the lovin' you left ... Mercy, how long did it take you to do all that? :winkwink::happydance::haha: Very well put I must say! :winkwink: Perfect amounts of lovin's for Amanda! :hugs:


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## yazoo

Nikki_d72 said:


> Tanya, sorry you're feeling yuk but I'm hpoing it's a good sign for you, what DPO you at? 4 months is hard, take it easy on yourself hun. Love to you and Jakob xx

Hey Nikki- I'm only on CD9 right now. I think I am going to take a more relaxed approach this time. This past couple of cycles I have been setting my alarm at 6 am to take my temp but I haven't been bothered with it this month so far. I hope your keeping well hun. xx



Andypanda6570 said:


> Well as you all know I am not TTC till around February, but I just wanted to say I am doing great and loosing weight. I am back out there and walking 3 miles a day, not running my 5 miles a day like I used to, but I am getting there. Honestly I am so proud of myself I have lost almost 10 pds so far and it's only 2 weeks

 Well done Andrea thats great. My 14lb in months seems insignificant compared to your loss. Very proud of you. :hugs::hugs: 



collie_crazy said:


> Bleeding again :(

Big hugs Amanda but as everyone said they told you to expect it. That heamatoma has to bleed out or become absorbed so even though it feels completely wrong to be bleeding it is normal when a bleed like that is spotted. Think of it this way. The more it bleeds out the smaller its getting and the closers its getting to being gone for good. I wish I could've took my own advice when I was pregnant with Jakob though as I was a nervous wreck. :hugs::hugs:

Kelly- how are you? Are you trying this month? 

Hayley- Hows u & bubs? U seem a bit quiet lately. 

Kiki FX'd for a BFP. 

Hello to everyone else. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## blav

Andypanda6570 said:


> Everything went well. He told me I could try right now and why do I want to loose weight first? I said I would just feel better doing it this way. He always gives me a vaginal sonogram at every visit he said everything looks great and whenever I want to try then try. He then said he thinks in his opinion that Ava did have Trisomy 18 he can't prove it but he highly suspects it :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: He said Andrea it was a fluke it wont happen again and go for it. I asked about doing the CVS and he said he wouldn't want me to do that cause the miscarriage rate is high. So now I don't know what I would do, i don't want to wait for Amnio cause then it would be to far into pregnancy, what do they do earlier do the do scans maybe to see something.? I don't want to get to the second trimester and find bad news. I am happy but confused now..:hugs::hugs:

Ahh, so much to think about! I'm completely terrified about our next pregnancy and all the extra appointments not to mention the cerclage (eeek). But, like others have said, I can't NOT try again even though there are some things that might be scary and you can't either! I'm really glad you got good news...that is definitely something to :happydance: about!




collie_crazy said:


> Bleeding again :(

Eeeek! Keep us posted although I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about since they said it would most likely happen again :thumbup: We're all keeping our fingers crossed for you!

As for meeee, things are overall going well....hoping for ovulation this weekend. Had a bit of a rough night at work last night as a couple of pregnant women came in who were about as far along as I should be. Then, one of them was very upset because they didn't have the money for the treatments her dog needed (I work at a 24 hour veterinary ER). She started saying I shouldn't stress myself out it's bad for the baby. I'm" 7 months along (how far I should be) and I'm due in February" (when I was due) and it took every part of me not to 1. Cry and 2. tell her to STFU :growlmad: Not to mention this was after I got a voicemail from a former coworker asking me about how the pregnancy was going etc, etc :dohh: It was all just too much to handle in one night :cry: I told OH how I just want to be pregnant again (but I want to be pregnant with Mateo, not another baby). I didn't tell him the second part because I know it upsets him.


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> Everything went well. He told me I could try right now and why do I want to loose weight first? I said I would just feel better doing it this way. He always gives me a vaginal sonogram at every visit he said everything looks great and whenever I want to try then try. He then said he thinks in his opinion that Ava did have Trisomy 18 he can't prove it but he highly suspects it :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: He said Andrea it was a fluke it wont happen again and go for it. I asked about doing the CVS and he said he wouldn't want me to do that cause the miscarriage rate is high. So now I don't know what I would do, i don't want to wait for Amnio cause then it would be to far into pregnancy, what do they do earlier do the do scans maybe to see something.? I don't want to get to the second trimester and find bad news. I am happy but confused now..:hugs::hugs:
> 
> Hi Andrea, glad it went well and he gave you the green light honey. I can understand your worries about next time, though you know the odds of having the same problem are ridiculously small. I know statistics are cold comfor though for us.
> 
> Do they do the Nuchal Translucency Test along with bloods there? (think it might be called the triple screen, but check that) I'm sure they would. It's a combination of a measurement of the nuchal fold at the back of the baby's neck done by scan at 12 weeks and bloods done by 12 or 13 weeks, I think. Together they give a risk factor analysis for chromosomal abnormalities. It is not a diagnostic tool, so doesn't give solid answers, but what it does give is a strong indication of risk, so further diagnostic testing can either be reccommended (such as amnio or CVS), or if the risk is low (as most times it is), then the need for amnio or CVS is ruled out. The best thing is it's completely non-invasive to the baby, just a scan and blood test for you. It may be worth an ask, or a google about it. I'm sure it will be done in the states if it's done here. There are also many clues picked up on U/S, such as femur length and a bone in the nose but I'm not sure if these are able to be picked up on the 12 week scan or only the 20. Sorry I'm no help there, does anyone else know?
> 
> I think, hard as it is, Andrea you may have to just find the faith that it will all be OK. I have no guarantees that my waters won't break again, I just have to trust that that happened because it was twins - there are a few things the doctors can do to watch out for changes but ultimately it is a gamble. It's so hard I know but anything could happen to anyone at any time and I can't allow my life to be crippled by all those what-if's to the extent that I don't live, same goes for trying again for me. I know I'll be singing a different tune if I do get pregnant! I know it will be terrifying and I know I haven't really given myself enough time to heal but I feel that I will just have to deal with it as I go along because I don't have time to spare. The age gap with my only DD worries me more than my physical age, to be honest, I never wanted her to be on her own this long. (Though my Mum just admitted to me that she hit menopause early at about 45 - 48 ish so that scared the cr*p outa me! She started her periods early too and so did I, eek!) Obviously you have to do what's right for you. What I'm prepared to do may be completely different to what you are and so on, I'm not saying I'm doing blah so you have to as well! You will know where your own boundaries are, the point I'm making is that if we allowed ourselves to think about every single thing that could go wrong in life we'd never leave the house, or let our children out! We can't live like that. We've had a taste of the nastiness that can happen in pregnancy though so we focus on that, it's natural. I hope you can get past the fear and allow yourself some hope hon. Right, now to fully convince myself the same, hehe!
> 
> I hope you do find the strength to try again honey and I hope you get your rainbow soon. I wish you all the love and luck in the world. xxxClick to expand...

Thanks .. I did do the Nuchal Translucency plus bloods with Ava and my risk for DS was 1 in 132 and Trsiomy 18 was 1 in 89 , they didn't suggest CVS and I have not been pregnant in 10 years so I didn't even know CVS existed, so they said cause of my numbers I had to do Amnio, right before the Amnio test is when I found out she died. I thought my Doctor would agree with doing the CVS since if there is a problem I will know early on, but when I mentioned it he said the risk for miscarraige is to high and didn't tell me what other options I have. I am not going to get past 15 weeks and then something is wrong, so i don't know what I will do. XOXOOX:hugs::hugs:



yazoo said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> Tanya, sorry you're feeling yuk but I'm hpoing it's a good sign for you, what DPO you at? 4 months is hard, take it easy on yourself hun. Love to you and Jakob xx
> 
> Hey Nikki- I'm only on CD9 right now. I think I am going to take a more relaxed approach this time. This past couple of cycles I have been setting my alarm at 6 am to take my temp but I haven't been bothered with it this month so far. I hope your keeping well hun. xx
> 
> 
> 
> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> Well as you all know I am not TTC till around February, but I just wanted to say I am doing great and loosing weight. I am back out there and walking 3 miles a day, not running my 5 miles a day like I used to, but I am getting there. Honestly I am so proud of myself I have lost almost 10 pds so far and it's only 2 weeksClick to expand...
> 
> Well done Andrea thats great. My 14lb in months seems insignificant compared to your loss. Very proud of you. :hugs::hugs:
> 
> 
> 
> collie_crazy said:
> 
> 
> Bleeding again :(Click to expand...
> 
> Big hugs Amanda but as everyone said they told you to expect it. That heamatoma has to bleed out or become absorbed so even though it feels completely wrong to be bleeding it is normal when a bleed like that is spotted. Think of it this way. The more it bleeds out the smaller its getting and the closers its getting to being gone for good. I wish I could've took my own advice when I was pregnant with Jakob though as I was a nervous wreck. :hugs::hugs:
> 
> Kelly- how are you? Are you trying this month?
> 
> Hayley- Hows u & bubs? U seem a bit quiet lately.
> 
> Kiki FX'd for a BFP.
> 
> Hello to everyone else. :hugs::hugs:Click to expand...




blav said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> Everything went well. He told me I could try right now and why do I want to loose weight first? I said I would just feel better doing it this way. He always gives me a vaginal sonogram at every visit he said everything looks great and whenever I want to try then try. He then said he thinks in his opinion that Ava did have Trisomy 18 he can't prove it but he highly suspects it :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: He said Andrea it was a fluke it wont happen again and go for it. I asked about doing the CVS and he said he wouldn't want me to do that cause the miscarriage rate is high. So now I don't know what I would do, i don't want to wait for Amnio cause then it would be to far into pregnancy, what do they do earlier do the do scans maybe to see something.? I don't want to get to the second trimester and find bad news. I am happy but confused now..:hugs::hugs:
> 
> Ahh, so much to think about! I'm completely terrified about our next pregnancy and all the extra appointments not to mention the cerclage (eeek). But, like others have said, I can't NOT try again even though there are some things that might be scary and you can't either! I'm really glad you got good news...that is definitely something to :happydance: about!
> 
> I am scared also, but I am going to go for it and pray things are ok, what else can we really do ? Except for not trying which is not an option for me:hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> 
> collie_crazy said:
> 
> 
> Bleeding again :(Click to expand...
> 
> Eeeek! Keep us posted although I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about since they said it would most likely happen again :thumbup: We're all keeping our fingers crossed for you!
> 
> As for meeee, things are overall going well....hoping for ovulation this weekend. Had a bit of a rough night at work last night as a couple of pregnant women came in who were about as far along as I should be. Then, one of them was very upset because they didn't have the money for the treatments her dog needed (I work at a 24 hour veterinary ER). She started saying I shouldn't stress myself out it's bad for the baby. I'm" 7 months along (how far I should be) and I'm due in February" (when I was due) and it took every part of me not to 1. Cry and 2. tell her to STFU :growlmad: Not to mention this was after I got a voicemail from a former coworker asking me about how the pregnancy was going etc, etc :dohh: It was all just too much to handle in one night :cry: I told OH how I just want to be pregnant again (but I want to be pregnant with Mateo, not another baby). I didn't tell him the second part because I know it upsets him.Click to expand...


----------



## Bride2b

Andrea - I'm glad your appointment went well. I'm glad you did it and now that the hard bit over with & its great that you have had the all clear to try again when your ready!

Amanda - try not to worry too much about the bleed as the others have said they did tell you that this would happen. I know its hard not to wonder if its harming your rainbow, but I am sure its all snuggled in there nicely!

Blav - sorry that someone asked, I had the exact thing the other day when I went to an xmas thing with OH. Its so crap having to constantly be reminded that its all over! I know only my manager & a close colleague knew I was pregnant at work...but it makes me think next time that I am not telling anyone until I get to the 20 week scan (so past the date when Bertie was born) and I dont think I will tell people at work until 24 weeks!

I'm hoping everyone else on the TWW is keeping well and that the fingers nails havent taken a bashing!

For me well I had a bit of a cry earlier as felt overwhelmed. I sold my old iphone on ebay, and the bloke emailed to say he wants a refund...this was 2 days ago but I hadnt checked ebay, then he sent another shitty email. I felt like saying to him he was lucky if all he has to worry about is a 'crack' or as I would call it 'scratch' on the outer casing of a phone, as some of us have far more problems than that! Its really silly but it really upset me!
I called the family liason again, and she is off today, but the other woman is going to get her to call me back tomorrow. I'm sorry but its been over 2 weeks and I just want to be able to have some closure by having the funeral. I also called and left a message with the counsellor as I want to make sure I can get help with my grief as I am scared it will never go away or it will rear its ugly head in a few months.

Lastly I started back on the folic acid today, took Royal Jelly and a maca root. I'm now drinking raspberry leaf tea. The bleeding is practically gone, just a small bit now...so hopefully in a day or two that will all be gone! I just want to start getting my body back to normal so I can start TTC again. This is the only thing that is keeping me going!

x


----------



## jojo23

hey girls how are you all doing??? hope everyone is well. sorry havent been on much lately ive been so busy in work and i got a new lil puppy so shes takin up most of my free time lol... anyways just popped in to say hope everyone is good and also i have my 12 week scan in the morning so if you have a spare minute keep me and lil bubz in ur thoughts and prayers id be so so greatful xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> hey girls how are you all doing??? hope everyone is well. sorry havent been on much lately ive been so busy in work and i got a new lil puppy so shes takin up most of my free time lol... anyways just popped in to say hope everyone is good and also i have my 12 week scan in the morning so if you have a spare minute keep me and lil bubz in ur thoughts and prayers id be so so greatful xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

oohh wow tomorrow, that's exciting (and scary!) I'll be thinking of you and little rainbow. :hugs:

I've got mine on Monday, I'm so scared!

xx


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> Andrea - I'm glad your appointment went well. I'm glad you did it and now that the hard bit over with & its great that you have had the all clear to try again when your ready!
> 
> Amanda - try not to worry too much about the bleed as the others have said they did tell you that this would happen. I know its hard not to wonder if its harming your rainbow, but I am sure its all snuggled in there nicely!
> 
> Blav - sorry that someone asked, I had the exact thing the other day when I went to an xmas thing with OH. Its so crap having to constantly be reminded that its all over! I know only my manager & a close colleague knew I was pregnant at work...but it makes me think next time that I am not telling anyone until I get to the 20 week scan (so past the date when Bertie was born) and I dont think I will tell people at work until 24 weeks!
> 
> I'm hoping everyone else on the TWW is keeping well and that the fingers nails havent taken a bashing!
> 
> For me well I had a bit of a cry earlier as felt overwhelmed. I sold my old iphone on ebay, and the bloke emailed to say he wants a refund...this was 2 days ago but I hadnt checked ebay, then he sent another shitty email. I felt like saying to him he was lucky if all he has to worry about is a 'crack' or as I would call it 'scratch' on the outer casing of a phone, as some of us have far more problems than that! Its really silly but it really upset me!
> I called the family liason again, and she is off today, but the other woman is going to get her to call me back tomorrow. I'm sorry but its been over 2 weeks and I just want to be able to have some closure by having the funeral. I also called and left a message with the counsellor as I want to make sure I can get help with my grief as I am scared it will never go away or it will rear its ugly head in a few months.
> 
> Lastly I started back on the folic acid today, took Royal Jelly and a maca root. I'm now drinking raspberry leaf tea. The bleeding is practically gone, just a small bit now...so hopefully in a day or two that will all be gone! I just want to start getting my body back to normal so I can start TTC again. This is the only thing that is keeping me going!
> 
> x

We've decided were not telling anyone until 24 weeks next time (I will have to tell my boss because I'll need several days off for the cerclage around 12 weeks) but other than that we're keeping it under wraps. It will be easy for us though because all of my family lives away and most of OH's family lives away so we won't really have to hide it, will just have to be careful not to say anything.

I hope you hear back and are able to get some closure with the funeral. In a way the grief does come and go for me as well so I think what you're going through is normal. Like, last night...most of the time I do so well and then the series of events at work just took me way back. Just have to keep our head up!

As for the bleeding, we sound very similar. Mine had mostly gone away by 2 weeks after birth but I did have a little spotting. Then, at 5 weeks exactly, full on NORMAL AF happydance::happydance::happydance:) I really hope I do ovulate this weekend because even if we don't get a BFP, at least I'll know my AF is normal and I'm ovulating. I really hope you have the same experience and that AF returns soon!


----------



## blav

And also, if I can just vent for a second.

So you ladies might remember a couple weeks ago me mentioning how I was upset that we hadn't gotten Mateo's pictures from the hospital and how I called and they said they were never printed and should be here in 7-10 days. Well, still NOTHING. So, I called again and they still don't have them but they were mailed on November 30. That was 2 weeks ago, how can they not be here yet? AND she said oh well the might have gotten lost in the mail so I ordered another copy and will let you know when they're here. I'm mean she's so appologetic and I know it's not her fault but why is it like being stabbed over and over every time I hear that there is something else wrong with these pictures???? These pictures are the last thing we're waiting for. We have his ashes, we got his social security card, we got his birth certificate, and now we're waiting on these pictures that we should have had over a month ago.

FRUSTRATED!


----------



## KamIAm

blav said:


> And also, if I can just vent for a second.
> 
> So you ladies might remember a couple weeks ago me mentioning how I was upset that we hadn't gotten Mateo's pictures from the hospital and how I called and they said they were never printed and should be here in 7-10 days. Well, still NOTHING. So, I called again and they still don't have them but they were mailed on November 30. That was 2 weeks ago, how can they not be here yet? AND she said oh well the might have gotten lost in the mail so I ordered another copy and will let you know when they're here. I'm mean she's so appologetic and I know it's not her fault but why is it like being stabbed over and over every time I hear that there is something else wrong with these pictures???? These pictures are the last thing we're waiting for. We have his ashes, we got his social security card, we got his birth certificate, and now we're waiting on these pictures that we should have had over a month ago.
> 
> FRUSTRATED!


Big Hugs to you Hon'

I know all about frustration..so I'm with ya on that ... :hugs:

She should have shown a lot more sympathy than she did, which sounds like NONE! :growlmad: I hate that you are still wanting... :nope: Terrible!


----------



## KamIAm

jojo23 said:
 

> hey girls how are you all doing??? hope everyone is well. sorry havent been on much lately ive been so busy in work and i got a new lil puppy so shes takin up most of my free time lol... anyways just popped in to say hope everyone is good and also i have my 12 week scan in the morning so if you have a spare minute keep me and lil bubz in ur thoughts and prayers id be so so greatful xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Your 12 week scan is TOMORROW? Holy Crap time is flying! :happydance: I can't wait to hear all about it and hopefully you get a nice pretty picture! :winkwink: *Smile nicely for your mommy lil one! :flower: 

I'll be thinking of you Sweets.... :hugs:


Mhairi! Just looked at your lil ticker, crap! Your 11 weeks! Wheww! I'm sure time isn't passing quickly for you girls but man, it sure is for me :winkwink:

Can't wait to hear about and possibly see all those beautiful rainbows!! :hugs:

Anyone heard from Hayley or Erica lately??? Just been thinking about them .... :hugs:


----------



## jojo23

thanks girls ill def come on first thing and let you know how it went xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## kiki04

With pics too please!! Pretty pretty please! :xmas8:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Andypanda6570 said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> Everything went well. He told me I could try right now and why do I want to loose weight first? I said I would just feel better doing it this way. He always gives me a vaginal sonogram at every visit he said everything looks great and whenever I want to try then try. He then said he thinks in his opinion that Ava did have Trisomy 18 he can't prove it but he highly suspects it :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: He said Andrea it was a fluke it wont happen again and go for it. I asked about doing the CVS and he said he wouldn't want me to do that cause the miscarriage rate is high. So now I don't know what I would do, i don't want to wait for Amnio cause then it would be to far into pregnancy, what do they do earlier do the do scans maybe to see something.? I don't want to get to the second trimester and find bad news. I am happy but confused now..:hugs::hugs:
> 
> Hi Andrea, glad it went well and he gave you the green light honey. I can understand your worries about next time, though you know the odds of having the same problem are ridiculously small. I know statistics are cold comfor though for us.
> 
> Do they do the Nuchal Translucency Test along with bloods there? (think it might be called the triple screen, but check that) I'm sure they would. It's a combination of a measurement of the nuchal fold at the back of the baby's neck done by scan at 12 weeks and bloods done by 12 or 13 weeks, I think. Together they give a risk factor analysis for chromosomal abnormalities. It is not a diagnostic tool, so doesn't give solid answers, but what it does give is a strong indication of risk, so further diagnostic testing can either be reccommended (such as amnio or CVS), or if the risk is low (as most times it is), then the need for amnio or CVS is ruled out. The best thing is it's completely non-invasive to the baby, just a scan and blood test for you. It may be worth an ask, or a google about it. I'm sure it will be done in the states if it's done here. There are also many clues picked up on U/S, such as femur length and a bone in the nose but I'm not sure if these are able to be picked up on the 12 week scan or only the 20. Sorry I'm no help there, does anyone else know?
> 
> I think, hard as it is, Andrea you may have to just find the faith that it will all be OK. I have no guarantees that my waters won't break again, I just have to trust that that happened because it was twins - there are a few things the doctors can do to watch out for changes but ultimately it is a gamble. It's so hard I know but anything could happen to anyone at any time and I can't allow my life to be crippled by all those what-if's to the extent that I don't live, same goes for trying again for me. I know I'll be singing a different tune if I do get pregnant! I know it will be terrifying and I know I haven't really given myself enough time to heal but I feel that I will just have to deal with it as I go along because I don't have time to spare. The age gap with my only DD worries me more than my physical age, to be honest, I never wanted her to be on her own this long. (Though my Mum just admitted to me that she hit menopause early at about 45 - 48 ish so that scared the cr*p outa me! She started her periods early too and so did I, eek!) Obviously you have to do what's right for you. What I'm prepared to do may be completely different to what you are and so on, I'm not saying I'm doing blah so you have to as well! You will know where your own boundaries are, the point I'm making is that if we allowed ourselves to think about every single thing that could go wrong in life we'd never leave the house, or let our children out! We can't live like that. We've had a taste of the nastiness that can happen in pregnancy though so we focus on that, it's natural. I hope you can get past the fear and allow yourself some hope hon. Right, now to fully convince myself the same, hehe!
> 
> I hope you do find the strength to try again honey and I hope you get your rainbow soon. I wish you all the love and luck in the world. xxxClick to expand...
> 
> Thanks .. I did do the Nuchal Translucency plus bloods with Ava and my risk for DS was 1 in 132 and Trsiomy 18 was 1 in 89 , they didn't suggest CVS and I have not been pregnant in 10 years so I didn't even know CVS existed, so they said cause of my numbers I had to do Amnio, right before the Amnio test is when I found out she died. I thought my Doctor would agree with doing the CVS since if there is a problem I will know early on, but when I mentioned it he said the risk for miscarraige is to high and didn't tell me what other options I have. I am not going to get past 15 weeks and then something is wrong, so i don't know what I will do. XOXOOX:hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Aw sorry, Andrea, I didn't realise you had done it with Ava. I would say that your doctor is there to help YOU, and shouldn't be laying down the law about what you should and shouldn't do. You should do what's right for you, and I think the risks of CVS are different depending what clinic you use. I've read on another thread (that I think you were part of also) that if you got to a main hospital that specialises in it then the risks are way lower. I'm hoping that the next time you would do your nuchal test and it would come up with brilliant numbers so you don't have to do anything! I realise you want to get it set in your mind first though, I fully understand that. Could you call him and discuss it again?


----------



## Nikki_d72

Tanya, hope you're feeling better hon. I felt nauseous this time before OV, maybe just the time of year too, emotions are running pretty high. I hope all that relaxing does you well hon.

Blav, I'm so sorry you had such a rough night at work, it's so difficult to be in these situations and not say anything, isn't it? Petty problems and a pregnant woman all rolled into one, oh joy. I hope the next couple of days are easeir on you. GL on OV, hope you catch it. I know exactly what you mean wanting to be pregnant, but not with another baby, you want Mateo back, I feel the same way though am starting to accept it's impossibility. I hope you get your pics soon hon.

Kiki, how are your temps today hon?

Jojo, hope your scan went well, will be checking for updates hon. 

Mhairi, GL Monday, I'll be thinking of you hon.

Amanda, how are you now sweetheart? I'm hoping your scan goes well too hon.

Bride2b, Sorry you got a complaint about your phone, it's hard dealing with stuff like that when you are delicate. I'm glad to hear your bleeding is nearly over, I hope everything sorts itself out quickly for you. I really hope they get back to you about the funeral, I hope it gets sorted soon as well.

Kelly, how you this morning/evening?

Erica, Tanya, you still around and OK? Hope so girls.

Nat, how you feeling now hon, thinking of you.

Helen, are you alright hon?

Nothing much to report from me, got hubby's damn tax return to do, I hate it, so may be off air for a while, bleh.....


xxx


----------



## ericacaca

My goodness! What a bad couple of days! Yesterday I left for work at 7.30am and didnt get home from work until 9.15pm. Today I left at 7.30am and didn't get home from work until 10pm! Plus OFSTED came to out school today with no notice whatsoever! 

So I'm a bit dazed - I will get back to you lovely ladies soon honest. Just soooooooooo tired! xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Woooooooooo.....

Just had to share .... :happydance:

I have officially fed into my POAS addiction .... I just purchased my very first bunch of opk's & hpt's off ebay..... :happydance::happydance::happydance:

I am BEYOND excited.... Now, I just hope to God they come with detailed instructions :winkwink: Can't believe how cheap they are there :dohh: For the same price I was paying for just 1 hpt I bought 50 opk and 20 hpt!!!! 

Woooo Hooo!!! I'm in poas heaven!!! :happydance::happydance:

Should be in my hands before this Saturday, super fast!! Mercy!!! 

Oh... And for all my Scottish friends... Dear God, I am moving there! Just heard a famous actor's accent and fell in love and think I even wet myself ....:blush: :rofl:


----------



## kiki04

I may or may not be responsible for Kelly's new found addiction of said ebay purchase :blush:


----------



## Andypanda6570

I love you all
I just am really confused with thisCVS thing.:cry::cry::cry::cry:
Hope to see some BFP soon though:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## kiki04

What exactly is CVS?


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> What exactly is CVS?

It can be done way more early than amnio, I wanted CVS cause I am terrified of getting to the second trimester and something happening..:cry::cry::cry::cry:

https://www.babycenter.com/0_chorionic-villus-sampling-cvs_328.bc


----------



## kiki04

Oh Andrea I can see why that is so pressing on your mind :hugs: Thats a tough decision to make and I am sorry you are dealing with that :hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Hi, i been Feeling sick for past 2 days, Nausea is killing me here and so is curiosity.also got a cold from this lady on The subway who was making noise with her sick nose for 45 min ride. Everything else is ok around here cant complain. Thank you everybody for your encouragment yesterday!


I promise to write to everybody soon 

Nat


----------



## mhazzab

KamIAm said:


> Woooooooooo.....
> 
> Just had to share .... :happydance:
> 
> I have officially fed into my POAS addiction .... I just purchased my very first bunch of opk's & hpt's off ebay..... :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> 
> I am BEYOND excited.... Now, I just hope to God they come with detailed instructions :winkwink: Can't believe how cheap they are there :dohh: For the same price I was paying for just 1 hpt I bought 50 opk and 20 hpt!!!!
> 
> Woooo Hooo!!! I'm in poas heaven!!! :happydance::happydance:
> 
> Should be in my hands before this Saturday, super fast!! Mercy!!!
> 
> Oh... And for all my Scottish friends... Dear God, I am moving there! Just heard a famous actor's accent and fell in love and think I even wet myself ....:blush: :rofl:

Hahaha like you need more of an excuse to POAS! At least your habit will be cheaper now! The Internet sticks are good for a crazy 'it's way too early to test but I'm gonna do it anyway' poas!

Kelly you are welcome over here any time...I love him too but just be warned most people don't sound or look as good as him ;) xx


----------



## ericacaca

KamIAm said:


> Woooooooooo.....
> 
> Just had to share .... :happydance:
> 
> I have officially fed into my POAS addiction .... I just purchased my very first bunch of opk's & hpt's off ebay..... :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> 
> I am BEYOND excited.... Now, I just hope to God they come with detailed instructions :winkwink: Can't believe how cheap they are there :dohh: For the same price I was paying for just 1 hpt I bought 50 opk and 20 hpt!!!!
> 
> Woooo Hooo!!! I'm in poas heaven!!! :happydance::happydance:
> 
> Should be in my hands before this Saturday, super fast!! Mercy!!!
> 
> Oh... And for all my Scottish friends... Dear God, I am moving there! Just heard a famous actor's accent and fell in love and think I even wet myself ....:blush: :rofl:

Haha, Kelly - I really hope now you've bought a bulk load you only have to use one of them..... 

xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

dnlfinker said:


> Hi, i been Feeling sick for past 2 days, Nausea is killing me here and so is curiosity.also got a cold from this lady on The subway who was making noise with her sick nose for 45 min ride. Everything else is ok around here cant complain. Thank you everybody for your encouragment yesterday!
> 
> 
> I promise to write to everybody soon
> 
> Nat

Aww Nat, I hope and pray this is it for you!!!! I am soooooo excited for you,,

Nikki, Thanks for the advice and for caring

Kelly, I use the clearblue easy opk's they are SO easy, when you get the smiley face that means ovulation is within 24 to 36 hours.. XOXO 

Love you all and I hope and pray everything will be ok with all of us.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Oh Nat! I have everything crossed for you :happydance:

AFM- I dont think I even ovulated this month :( My temp shot up... but I think I got the surge and nothing was released. My temps are just way too low for these to be post ov temps :shrug: They are at my coverline where as usually they are way higher after ov. This has never happened to me before :dohh:


----------



## KamIAm

Honestly.... I have NO idea what brand I got... Hahahahah :blush:

It's the strips you dip and test... use only once... Yippee... I get to pee in a cup!!!! :happydance: Love ... :happydance:

They should arrive Friday or Saturday.... I "should" be "O" SUnday.... So, might get to throw in a few tests runs... You know I HAVE to practice!!! 

I bought 50 opk and 20 hpt... That should last the first month ...right? :dohh::rofl::rofl::rofl:

I have officially REALLY lost the lil mind I did have ... :happydance:


----------



## KamIAm

dnlfinker said:


> Hi, i been Feeling sick for past 2 days, Nausea is killing me here and so is curiosity.also got a cold from this lady on The subway who was making noise with her sick nose for 45 min ride. Everything else is ok around here cant complain. Thank you everybody for your encouragment yesterday!
> 
> 
> I promise to write to everybody soon
> 
> Nat


Nat.... This might be it for you Hon' ... :happydance: I have everything I can cross crossed for you!!!!!

Keep us posted!!! :hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Due to my super late "ov" this month I think I used about 30 OPK's this cycle alone :dohh: Good thing when I bought mine, I got 90 OPK and 10 HPT. I have 5 HPT left and Im guessing 40 opk's and I bought my stash I think this was my 3rd, or is it only my second??? cycle using them :haha: I start with one a day mid aftn, then getting close to my expected ov I do on about 1:30pm and again about 10pm. Then due to my real late ov I was doing 1:30, 5pm and 10 pm :dohh: That adds up quick! :rofl:


----------



## Bride2b

With all this poas madness I thought to myself this afternoon that maybe I should see if I get my BFN as the bleeding has stopped today (yay!)

Well just poas & BFN.....feel very relieved that it didn't still show as positive as that would have rubbed salt in the wounds! Did you all feel relieved to get the BFN after bleeding stopped. I do feel sad now that my pregnancy is all over & felt wierd getting the same sticks out that I used when I found out I was expecting Bertie. That was also a Wednesday!!

It's my first stage in getting my body back & hopefully my sanity!! Now gotta hope the opks arrive!!!x


----------



## Bride2b

Should I have waited until morning to test?does if make a difference? X


----------



## kiki04

No at this point it doesnt have to be FMU sadly because we need that to know it is building UP... where you are we are waiting for it to dwindle down :( Once it dwindles down to a bfn during the day... your levels wont be rising again by morning :shrug:


----------



## Bride2b

I kind of didnt expect it to be BFN after 16 days, as I was reading on other threads about people getting theirs after 3 weeks and they were not as far along when they got their BFN after their loss.

I guess I just have a huge ball of emotions that keep going up and down. In one way I am glad I am now showing BFN as this means I will just need to wait until AF comes to start ttc again. But now I feel its a waiting game for that because god knows when that will come!!

Still waiting for a date for the funeral. I hope they are not this crap at giving me a consultant appointment as I cant remember the blokes name or even know who I should phone to chase it up. Still I wont start worrying about that until after christmas. It would be nice to get that sooner rather than later so we can maybe get some answers & then plan for the future.

x


----------



## kiki04

From the day of my d & c to the time I got AF was 41 days.

Here is a screen shot from my first cycle. cd1 was they day they took Hadlee out....

https://img24.imageshack.us/img24/9682/screenshotyyi.png

Uploaded with ImageShack.us


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just a quick message to say 12 week scan went fine everything growing as it should lol and plenty of movement from little bubz! was a little hard to see as my bladder just wasnt full enough(oops!) but still so reassuring! im thinking of booking a private scan for around 16 weeks as my next scan with the hospital isnt until 20 weeks and its just way too long to wait lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just a quick message to say 12 week scan went fine everything growing as it should lol and plenty of movement from little bubz! was a little hard to see as my bladder just wasnt full enough(oops!) but still so reassuring! im thinking of booking a private scan for around 16 weeks as my next scan with the hospital isnt until 20 weeks and its just way too long to wait lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm so happy for you, yay :)

Xxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just a quick message to say 12 week scan went fine everything growing as it should lol and plenty of movement from little bubz! was a little hard to see as my bladder just wasnt full enough(oops!) but still so reassuring! im thinking of booking a private scan for around 16 weeks as my next scan with the hospital isnt until 20 weeks and its just way too long to wait lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:happydance::happydance::happydance: How fab! So pleased it went well!!

Oh wheres the picture???


----------



## blav

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just a quick message to say 12 week scan went fine everything growing as it should lol and plenty of movement from little bubz! was a little hard to see as my bladder just wasnt full enough(oops!) but still so reassuring! im thinking of booking a private scan for around 16 weeks as my next scan with the hospital isnt until 20 weeks and its just way too long to wait lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yay! :happydance::happydance::happydance:

Excellent news! So happy for you! Pictures!!!!!


----------



## Bride2b

kiki04 said:


> From the day of my d & c to the time I got AF was 41 days.
> 
> Here is a screen shot from my first cycle. cd1 was they day they took Hadlee out....
> 
> https://img24.imageshack.us/img24/9682/screenshotyyi.png
> 
> Uploaded with ImageShack.us

I'm really thick, I dont really get these things! Is the CM bit where it says H & L when you were still bleeding? Thanks for sharing though.

I know it varies for each person, and I really hope I dont have to wait any longer than a month for AF, as that means 6 weeks until OV and 8 weeks until testing!! That seems bloody ages away!!:dohh:


----------



## kiki04

I was mainly showing you so you can see how many days it went. The red is my bleeding from the D & C. And again when AF showed up.... I did an HPT and it was negative on cd21.


----------



## Bride2b

So about 30 days between. Its so frustrating having to wait!!! I almost feel like going to a psychic! But people only go to those at times of desperation! 

Just saw a new baby on the TV that was born in the car the other night in the high winds we had. It was gorgeous! I WANT ONE AND I WANT ONE NOW!!!!!!!!


----------



## Hellylou

Jojo - wonderful news about the scan. I am so happy for you that all is well!!:hugs::happydance:

Bride2b - I never took any tests after my loss. I only found out from this site that a positive was even a possibility after a loss, I had no idea. I certainly didn't want to find out. I think it would have been the straw that broke the camel's back seeing a positive when everything had gone, so I have no idea when my levels went back to zero. You are very brave! :hugs: Still, at least that means you wont have any retained products etc, so everything is going back to normal, which is at least some comfort...

How is everyone? Haven't seen Susanne (Ellie's mum) in here for a while...if you read this Susanne, hope everything's ok with you - missing you! Come and say hi :hugs:

I've been viewing houses and we have seen one we really like, although it's not perfect. Every other one seems to pale in comparison though, so this might be it...:happydance:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hey everyone! How are we all today? DH is off work at the moment so I won't be able to spend as much time on here, need to get this house sorted out and get the Christmas shopping done - I've not done a tap yet for it! I spent most of yesterday getting his taxes done, they were due right around when we lost the boys so thay gave us an extension but it was up as of today. Phew! So glad that's finished, I hate administration but always end up doing it, gah!

Jojo, so glad your scan went well hon.

Has anyone heard from Amanda after her scan, it was due Wednesday I think? It will still be Weds evening in the UK, it's Thurs morn here, hopefully we hear soon.

Kiki, I hope you did OV, your temps are confusing, I'm sorry I don't know enough though.

Bride, hopefully you'll get your AF quickly and get to it. I never did do an HPT as nobody said to do it and I thought it was only for miscarriage proper, IYKWIM where it would take a while for your body to release everything but with a later loss we either deliver or have D&E so your body should behave like it's postpartum. I also for some reason thought that HPT's didn't work after 4 months pregnant as the hormones changed or something but that's not true, not quite sure where I got that from! here's hoping anyway.

Nat, hope this is it for you!

Andrea, hope you are well and still doing your thang with the walking etc, you are doing so well!

Kelly, Tanya, Blav, Helen hope you are all well.

Hope all our wee rainbow-makers are good.

Anyone heard from Hayley yet?


----------



## dnlfinker

Thanks everybody. I am still very confused but I am more interested in knowing what is going on vs being pregnant. Today is a bit better and tommorow afternoon I requested OB blood test. Sounds crazy doesnt it! 

Just want to get it over with 
and laugh that I am stupid for going out of my mind and even 
think about it (test not showing). Afterall its only been only 48 days since my last cycle was due

lol

Amanda, we expect a full report by tommorow morning (lol) , I just hope that you feel the relief once agian!

jojo23- I am glad that the scan went well :happydance:! Keep up the good work , your little bundle will be joining u sooner then you think!

Kelly , Kiki and Bride2B Its been pretty quiet here without the POAS message, I am so 
glad that its the time of the month and u guys are having fun with all the testing. HOW EXCITING!

Andrea, I am going to open house for my DD school today , I hope that I can still 
catch and talk to you 

Errica- THats a long working day! Dont forget to give yourself and your little 
one some rest ! YOu guys are more important then work!

Mahari- I have not seen messages from you eigher, hope you and the little bud are doing ok

Tanya- Are you missing in action?


Helen - Congratulations on your prospective house!

Hayley- does not look like she has been here for a while now

Nikki,- Looks like you are keeping busy ! Dont forget to update and let us know how u are doing

Must have went back 100 times to edit this message and add more people. I know I might
be missing someone , who?


----------



## kiki04

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just a quick message to say 12 week scan went fine everything growing as it should lol and plenty of movement from little bubz! was a little hard to see as my bladder just wasnt full enough(oops!) but still so reassuring! im thinking of booking a private scan for around 16 weeks as my next scan with the hospital isnt until 20 weeks and its just way too long to wait lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes we need pictures of little bubz!!! :happydance:


----------



## OliveBay

dnlfinker said:


> Thanks everybody. I am still very confused but I am more interested in knowing what is going on vs being pregnant. Today is a bit better and tommorow afternoon I requested OB blood test. Sounds crazy doesnt it!
> 
> Just want to get it over with
> and laugh that I am stupid for going out of my mind and even
> think about it (test not showing). Afterall its only been only 48 days since my last cycle was due
> 
> lol
> 
> Amanda, we expect a full report by tommorow morning (lol) , I just hope that you feel the relief once agian!
> 
> jojo23- I am glad that the scan went well :happydance:! Keep up the good work , your little bundle will be joining u sooner then you think!
> 
> Kelly , Kiki and Bride2B Its been pretty quiet here without the POAS message, I am so
> glad that its the time of the month and u guys are having fun with all the testing. HOW EXCITING!
> 
> Andrea, I am going to open house for my DD school today , I hope that I can still
> catch and talk to you
> 
> Errica- THats a long working day! Dont forget to give yourself and your little
> one some rest ! YOu guys are more important then work!
> 
> Mahari- I have not seen messages from you eigher, hope you and the little bud are doing ok
> 
> Tanya- Are you missing in action?
> 
> 
> Helen - Congratulations on your prospective house!
> 
> Hayley- does not look like she has been here for a while now
> 
> Nikki,- Looks like you are keeping busy ! Dont forget to update and let us know how u are doing
> 
> Must have went back 100 times to edit this message and add more people. I know I might
> be missing someone , who?


Don't forget me! :wave: I can't keep up with this thread it moves on so quickly and there are so many people on here! 

I'm still just sitting out my 2WW madness so haven't really got much to update you all on anyway! :dohh:

Sending love and positive thoughts to everyone today. :hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

I hope Amanda's scan went ok...

Olive...how long til testing? Good luck xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

OliveBay said:


> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> Thanks everybody. I am still very confused but I am more interested in knowing what is going on vs being pregnant. Today is a bit better and tommorow afternoon I requested OB blood test. Sounds crazy doesnt it!
> 
> Just want to get it over with
> and laugh that I am stupid for going out of my mind and even
> think about it (test not showing). Afterall its only been only 48 days since my last cycle was due
> 
> lol
> 
> Amanda, we expect a full report by tommorow morning (lol) , I just hope that you feel the relief once agian!
> 
> jojo23- I am glad that the scan went well :happydance:! Keep up the good work , your little bundle will be joining u sooner then you think!
> 
> Kelly , Kiki and Bride2B Its been pretty quiet here without the POAS message, I am so
> glad that its the time of the month and u guys are having fun with all the testing. HOW EXCITING!
> 
> Andrea, I am going to open house for my DD school today , I hope that I can still
> catch and talk to you
> 
> Errica- THats a long working day! Dont forget to give yourself and your little
> one some rest ! YOu guys are more important then work!
> 
> Mahari- I have not seen messages from you eigher, hope you and the little bud are doing ok
> 
> Tanya- Are you missing in action?
> 
> 
> Helen - Congratulations on your prospective house!
> 
> Hayley- does not look like she has been here for a while now
> 
> Nikki,- Looks like you are keeping busy ! Dont forget to update and let us know how u are doing
> 
> Must have went back 100 times to edit this message and add more people. I know I might
> be missing someone , who?
> 
> 
> Don't forget me! :wave: I can't keep up with this thread it moves on so quickly and there are so many people on here!
> 
> I'm still just sitting out my 2WW madness so haven't really got much to update you all on anyway! :dohh:
> 
> Sending love and positive thoughts to everyone today. :hugs:Click to expand...


OliveBay-I seen you but didn't introduce. I am Natalie and I am sorry that I missed you!


----------



## MummyStobe

Hi everyone I'm here. Been so busy these past few weeks and any spare time I get is spent sleeping. 

Had my second scan today, bean is growing well and was measuring ahead of schedule at 9+3 but they've said the measurements aren't reliable until the 12 week dating scan. Didn't get a piccy cos the sonographer was a bit miserable and couldn't wait to get me out, felt like I put her out asking for measurements! Boo hiss! 

I'm also booked in with the midwife now, feels like I'm really pregnant now I have my green notes again. 

Will catch up properly soon. I finish work on Friday for Xmas so should have some more spare time then.

Hope everyone is well. Love to you all xx


----------



## blav

Man, I just cannot keep everyone straight!

Olivebay-yay 2ww and also booo. The waiting is the hardest part and I'll be there with you soon (hopefully). I hope you're finding some distractions to keep your mind occupied!

Bride-I know the waiting for :witch: is hard!!! I hated the not knowing...it was a waiting game to see if she would be regular or not. I hope she comes soon and is normal! I think I said before that it was exactly 5 weeks from the day Mateo was born that she came for me so I hope it's the same for you (or sooner!)

To all you other POASers...yay us and good luck! I have to say POAS every morning is getting a little old already esp when I keep seeing that NO - on the OPK. Ready to see YES + already! But who isn't?

Blah, trying to think of ways to "bond"/get to know OH's neice. She and his sister (and her creepy bf) live with us. The creepy bf has really come between the neice and her mom and I just feel so sad for her. She doesn't seem to have many friends but is a beautiful, smart, talented 16 year old and I feel for her situation as my mom always seemed to allow men to come between us. Apparently there was some video where the bf came up behind her (the neice) and kissed her neck (WTF?!?!). OH and I are both very concerned about this and I want to be someone she can talk to and such so we are going to the mall tomorrow when she gets done school. Wish me luck!!!


----------



## Hellylou

Great news Hayley!! So glad to hear all these happy scan reports!:happydance:


----------



## KamIAm

Hello Gang!!!!! :winkwink:

Hope all is well!

Nikki.... glad to hear you got all the tax crap done and over with, blah... no fun... Hope you enjoy having OH home from work, I'm sure if he's anything like mine.. YOu will have much less computer time and more work..:dohh: I'll be thinking about ya! :winkwink:

Helen... Yay to maybe finding THE house! :happydance: That is super exciting!!! 

Jojo... Soooooo glad to hear scan went perfect today!! We wanna see baby :winkwink:

Haven't heard from Hayley lately... Hope she's just busy and all OK...

Mhairi... How ya feeling babe? :hugs:

Amanda ... Lady... we are all waiting for an update... Can't wait to hear the great news about happy healthy lil one:hugs:

Nat... I can't wait to keep hearing updates from you! This is maddness .. 

And of course, Our lil DPO Girls... Kiki and Olive Bay... Dang it, we better be getting some BFP's... Geesh! :thumbup:

Andrea... How are you doing my love? Haven't heard much from ya ... Getting ready for Christmas?

Tanya... Where in the heck are you at in this cycle tracking madness? :blush: I can NOT keep up sorry ....

Our group is growing...hate that more and more women are thrown into this journey BUT sooo thankful they have landed here..:hugs:

AFM.....~ I am 4 days til "O".. :sex: None of that yet! :dohh: Hopefully tonight! Geesh! :winkwink: Guess I need to be shaving my legs and trying to sprucing me up a bit LOL Hahahaha :rofl: OH ain't gonna know what hit him tonight and next few nights actually .... :happydance::happydance:

I have had a wonderful day today, and no not the faking kind, a truly good day ... my best friend came to my house for a visit today!!! :flower: Haven't seen her, or anyone for that matter in a long time... Too long...


----------



## KamIAm

MummyStobe said:


> Hi everyone I'm here. Been so busy these past few weeks and any spare time I get is spent sleeping.
> 
> Had my second scan today, bean is growing well and was measuring ahead of schedule at 9+3 but they've said the measurements aren't reliable until the 12 week dating scan. Didn't get a piccy cos the sonographer was a bit miserable and couldn't wait to get me out, felt like I put her out asking for measurements! Boo hiss!
> 
> I'm also booked in with the midwife now, feels like I'm really pregnant now I have my green notes again.
> 
> Will catch up properly soon. I finish work on Friday for Xmas so should have some more spare time then.
> 
> Hope everyone is well. Love to you all xx



Yay! Hayley checked in!! :happydance:

Soooo glad to hear all is well babe!!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## winterwonder

Morning Everyone.

Well, here goes, you may or may not remember that i've been constantly moaning about my AF not being here for nearly 10 weeks or so since the last one, and i think i posted that the other day i saw the doc and he said not to worry just POAS every month. Well i did that on tues and guess what ....:bfp: it was quite pale but it's been getter darker since.

So i'm freaking out a bit, as i wasnt quite ready to try for one just yet, and i feel really guilty like i've betrayed Bud, and i'm so not telling anyone for ages as i'm not ready to travel that path just yet, but i just wanted to say it out loud (does that make sense) to make it real?

anyways lots of :dust: to everyone!

christine xx


----------



## Bride2b

winterwonder said:


> Morning Everyone.
> 
> Well, here goes, you may or may not remember that i've been constantly moaning about my AF not being here for nearly 10 weeks or so since the last one, and i think i posted that the other day i saw the doc and he said not to worry just POAS every month. Well i did that on tues and guess what ....:bfp: it was quite pale but it's been getter darker since.
> 
> So i'm freaking out a bit, as i wasnt quite ready to try for one just yet, and i feel really guilty like i've betrayed Bud, and i'm so not telling anyone for ages as i'm not ready to travel that path just yet, but i just wanted to say it out loud (does that make sense) to make it real?
> 
> anyways lots of :dust: to everyone!
> 
> christine xx

:cry: These are tears of happiness.......what an amazing surprise! Its obviously meant to happen for you now which is why it has!
Bud will not feel betrayed, and please dont feel guilty. You love Bud & if you could have him here with you then you would. I think this is a common emotion when ladies fall pregnant after they have lost a little one. 
You've got your rainbow hun xxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Hey all, just saw a link to this on another thread & thought I'd share with you all;

https://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20100805/study-no-need-delay-pregnancy-after-miscarriage

Its about when you should try again after a miscarriage. The study shows if you get pg within 6 months pregnancies are more often than not successful..

I thought his paragraph was quite fitting;

"The study did include women who had miscarried later in pregnancy, and the findings were broadly similar to those who had miscarriages earlier in their pregnancy."

also this;
""If the woman has had two miscarriages or more, she should not get pregnant until a complete investigation for the causes of miscarriages has been completed.""

and this;
""There is no reason to wait for any extended time after miscarriage," he says. "Get pregnant whenever you are ready." There is no risk of worse outcomes if you conceive shortly after a miscarriage, he says."

Just food for thought...x


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, I have been so bad lately. DD is sick, OH has needed the laptop (boohoo) :haha: and I cannot use the PC. It would drive me insane it is so slow. 
I'm on CD 11 I think and no :sex: yet. :nope: OH has been away for a few days so just didn't get the chance but hopefully its not too late. I'm not temping, not poas (well I did one) and not really freaking out about getting no :spermy:. I think I may finally be relaxing about this whole thing. Shock horror. lol 

One thing that really broke my heart though & made me wanna be pregnant now was DD saying how bad she wants a baby bro/sis. :cry: Poor wee thing. I really feel for her. 

Joelene, I am so so happy for you. :happydance::happydance::happydance: Will you go for the 3d private scan or normal one. 

Christine Congrats. :happydance::happydance::happydance:

Ok girls I gotta go now but I'll catch up properly later. I promise. Missin chatting to u all properly. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Christine!!! That is wonderful news!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance:

Congratulations hun - wishing you a very healthy and happy 9 months ahead - keep us updated!! :hugs::hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Just another quick update from my phone to say that the scan was perfect :happydance: Baby didnt like the wand thingy though and kept jumping / kicking when she pushed down :haha: Still an area of bleeding though so still on bedrest! Next scan a week today :happydance: And I'm 10 weeks today - wow time is going quickly I think!

Hope everyone is well hope to catch up soon :hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

collie_crazy said:


> Just another quick update from my phone to say that the scan was perfect :happydance: Baby didnt like the wand thingy though and kept jumping / kicking when she pushed down :haha: Still an area of bleeding though so still on bedrest! Next scan a week today :happydance:
> 
> Hope everyone is well hope to catch up soon :hugs:

Yayyy!!!!! So happy to hear this! Keep those feet up and look after yourself, lovely x:hugs::hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls just a quick message to say 12 week scan went fine everything growing as it should lol and plenty of movement from little bubz! was a little hard to see as my bladder just wasnt full enough(oops!) but still so reassuring! im thinking of booking a private scan for around 16 weeks as my next scan with the hospital isnt until 20 weeks and its just way too long to wait lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So happy to read this update.I am so very happy for you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:



winterwonder said:


> Morning Everyone.
> 
> Well, here goes, you may or may not remember that i've been constantly moaning about my AF not being here for nearly 10 weeks or so since the last one, and i think i posted that the other day i saw the doc and he said not to worry just POAS every month. Well i did that on tues and guess what ....:bfp: it was quite pale but it's been getter darker since.
> 
> So i'm freaking out a bit, as i wasnt quite ready to try for one just yet, and i feel really guilty like i've betrayed Bud, and i'm so not telling anyone for ages as i'm not ready to travel that path just yet, but i just wanted to say it out loud (does that make sense) to make it real?
> 
> anyways lots of :dust: to everyone!
> 
> christine xx

Congrats!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: How exciting! I wish you all the best for a happy and healthy 9 months,,XOXO:hugs::hugs:




collie_crazy said:


> Just another quick update from my phone to say that the scan was perfect :happydance: Baby didnt like the wand thingy though and kept jumping / kicking when she pushed down :haha: Still an area of bleeding though so still on bedrest! Next scan a week today :happydance: And I'm 10 weeks today - wow time is going quickly I think!
> 
> Hope everyone is well hope to catch up soon :hugs:

Amanda, I am so relieved :hugs::hugs: Please rest and try to relax. All My Love..XOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs:

To everyone using OPK's, don't use FMU, it is recommended you test like 2pm then 6pm and then like 10 pm , around those times not exactly those times, but do NOT use FMU.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Nat, I waited for you to call, but I didn't get one, I am sure we will talk later.
Sorry I can't keep up with everyone's name, but,I love you all..

XOXOOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Amanda, so happy to hear that!

Christine, wow what a fab surprise, I'm so happy for you. Bud would be happy to have a wee brother or sister, and if it wasn't meant then it wouldn't have happened. Huge congrats!

Hope the rest of you are well, I'm not long in from work so I'm wrecked. I had a bad night as well. Will catch up properly tommorrow.

Night night my lovelies...xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Amanda, so happy to hear that!
> 
> Christine, wow what a fab surprise, I'm so happy for you. Bud would be happy to have a wee brother or sister, and if it wasn't meant then it wouldn't have happened. Huge congrats!
> 
> Hope the rest of you are well, I'm not long in from work so I'm wrecked. I had a bad night as well. Will catch up properly tommorrow.
> 
> Night night my lovelies...xxx

LOve you NIkki :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

collie_crazy said:


> Just another quick update from my phone to say that the scan was perfect :happydance: Baby didnt like the wand thingy though and kept jumping / kicking when she pushed down :haha: Still an area of bleeding though so still on bedrest! Next scan a week today :happydance: And I'm 10 weeks today - wow time is going quickly I think!
> 
> Hope everyone is well hope to catch up soon :hugs:

Yay fab news xx:thumbup:


----------



## KamIAm

winterwonder said:


> Morning Everyone.
> 
> Well, here goes, you may or may not remember that i've been constantly moaning about my AF not being here for nearly 10 weeks or so since the last one, and i think i posted that the other day i saw the doc and he said not to worry just POAS every month. Well i did that on tues and guess what ....:bfp: it was quite pale but it's been getter darker since.
> 
> So i'm freaking out a bit, as i wasnt quite ready to try for one just yet, and i feel really guilty like i've betrayed Bud, and i'm so not telling anyone for ages as i'm not ready to travel that path just yet, but i just wanted to say it out loud (does that make sense) to make it real?
> 
> anyways lots of :dust: to everyone!
> 
> christine xx


Holy Crap Woman!!! :happydance::happydance:

Congrats to you!!! :hugs::kiss: Please keep us posted and filled with lots of updates on how your feeling and doing... This always makes my day to see those 3 beautiful letters!!! BFP!!! Yippee!!! :happydance:


----------



## KamIAm

Amanda, THANK YOU for the update... Love hearing all is well ..... Heck I love hearing ALL the updates from all you rainbow makers ... :hugs:

Andrea, Yes... In all my reading and learning about opk's, I did see that... What I read was poas 10am-6pm ... :shrug: I can't wait to get mine and see those lil boogers for the first time.... Don't even know what they are gonna look like... GIrls, do they look like hpt's???????? :winkwink: I'm gonna love these stinkin' things aren't I ..... :happydance::happydance:

Mhairi... How are you feeling and doing hon" ... Don't hear many updates from ya lady so I'm hoping that a good thing... Your scan is Monday??

Tanya... It was SOOOO good hearing from ya babe! I think of you often! :hugs: I'm gonna have to call your OH and explain that you HAVE to have the laptop every evening , even if for a short bit, we can't go that long ... Love hearing from ya!!! :haha::hugs: FX'd that you get some good lovin's....:winkwink: 

Nikki.... Sorry to hear you had an icky day at work... bleh to those... :hugs: Where are you in your cycle? When will you start testing??? 

AFM.... I had to chase down my poor OH last night... Geez, such hard work... Mercy! :rofl: Terrible ain't I .... :blush: :winkwink: :haha: Logging in this morning and seeing Christine's news was just a huge boost for me... Has made my day hearing one of us getting a BFP.... :happydance: Hope we get some MORE girls!!!


----------



## dnlfinker

" I think I see dead lines". When i look at it from distance i 
think i see something but then up close i cant . NOw you see it , now 
u dont effect. BRRRRRRR. Anyways going for blood test in an hour so I am not 
second guessing. 

And now that I said that , yesterday I could of swear that I was ovulating(level of wetness)
Sorry for the detail. 

Getting pregnant will not work for me , loooks like everyday is different story and 
till I know what my body is doing .. it will not happen

Reason for blood test is because I am 20 days past my last cycle and I am crazy

"curiosity killed the cat"


----------



## mhazzab

wow ladies, I go to work for a few hours and so much happens!

Amanda - I am so glad you checked in, I've been really worried about you and beanie! I was about to come chase you up on FB again, lol. Glad scan went well, you just keep taking it easy :hugs:

Christine - wow! Congratulations...please dont feel guilty, I truly believe my daughters are pleased for me to give them a little brother or sister, and I bet Bud feels the same. 
I'm even due around their birthday, so it's a huge present for them!
Did you have any idea you were pregnant or was the line a complete shock? Do you know how far along you are? remember we are here for you, to voice any of your worries or concerns :hugs:

Tanya - lovely to hear from you, and please tell hubby that BNB friends take priority over all else :haha:

Kelly, get that lurve on please!!!

Hope everyone else is well?

Me, I've been pretty tired and nauseaus (I know thats not spelt right but I can't quite work out whats wrong with it!!) and very anxious about my 12 weeks scan on Monday. I'm going out for christmas dinner tomorrow night with work and am panicking because I have absolutely nothing to wear that is (a) dressy enough and (b) doesn't make me look pregnant. I have quite a big bump which is getting harder to hide!!!! I wanted something pretty and sparkly to wear but can't find anything. So I just bought sparkly shoes instead!

xxx


----------



## KamIAm

Natalie! I CAN NOT WAIT TO HEAR YOUR NEWS!!!!!!! :flower: Soooo, please definately check back in with us and let us know :hugs: My fingers are super crossed!

Mhairi.... You are sooo funny! Wish I could see your sparkly shoes! I bet you are getting quite a bump now... you are gonna look beautiful and good luck on hiding bump :winkwink: 

I wish we all lived closer to each other! ... Pooey.... Could you imagine us all getting together ... FUN! :haha: 

For all you rainbow makers... I'd love to start seeing some bump pic!:happydance:


----------



## yazoo

KamIAm said:


> Tanya... It was SOOOO good hearing from ya babe! I think of you often! :hugs: I'm gonna have to call your OH and explain that you HAVE to have the laptop every evening , even if for a short bit, we can't go that long ... Love hearing from ya!!! :haha::hugs: FX'd that you get some good lovin's....:winkwink:
> AFM.... I had to chase down my poor OH last night... Geez, such hard work... Mercy! :rofl: Terrible ain't I .... :blush: :winkwink: :haha: Logging in this morning and seeing Christine's news was just a huge boost for me... Has made my day hearing one of us getting a BFP.... :happydance: Hope we get some MORE girls!!!

Hey Kelly- I got the laptop again. Woohoo. OH is now home and is finished all his work, exams everything tomorrow so I will be back in business again. we even managed to squeeze in a bit of lovin today. lol. I have this awful feeling that I have ovulated already though. Today is only CD11 but I think I may have & I decided not to temp this month so now I dunno. :dohh: The crap thing is tomorrow OH has 2 exams so he will be gone almost all day & its Jakob's due date. :nope: It was great hearing Christine's news. At least one of us got a Christmas BFP. 



dnlfinker said:


> " I think I see dead lines". When i look at it from distance i
> think i see something but then up close i cant . NOw you see it , now
> u dont effect. BRRRRRRR. Anyways going for blood test in an hour so I am not
> second guessing.
> 
> And now that I said that , yesterday I could of swear that I was ovulating(level of wetness)
> Sorry for the detail.
> 
> Getting pregnant will not work for me , loooks like everyday is different story and
> till I know what my body is doing .. it will not happen
> 
> Reason for blood test is because I am 20 days past my last cycle and I am crazy
> 
> "curiosity killed the cat"

Best of luck with the test hun. xxx



mhazzab said:


> Tanya - lovely to hear from you, and please tell hubby that BNB friends take priority over all else :haha:
> 
> Me, *I've been pretty tired and nauseaus (I know thats not spelt right but I can't quite work out whats wrong with it!!)*
> 
> xxx

Mhairi- I LOLed at that line marked in bold. I hate when that happens. yay for the baby bump. You will have to show us a big as you get bigger. :happydance::happydance: I think I will have to give hubby a kick up the ass for hogging my laptop. Seriously ahving withdrawal symptoms from you girls and I feel so daunted looking at the other threads that were started. It'll take me a week to read them all and reply. :haha: Good job its the Xmas holidays and I'll have plenty of time on my hands. 

Jakob's due date is tomorrow. I'm not feeling too bad at the moment, I've been having a few wee cries but nothing compared to last week. I got him a few wee bits today for his grave and we will get helium balloons and relaease then with messages on them. I opened up DD's homework diary today and she wrote in it. "December 16th is a very sad day" :cry: Oh well I cried. Poor wee thing. It was ment to be such a happy day for us and she was going to be a big sister. Hated reading that.


----------



## Hellylou

Fingers crossed for you Nat..!!:hugs::hugs:

Mhairi, I am sure your scan will be perfect. We'll all be here desperately waiting for an update!! There are so many rainbow mums to track, it's really wonderful! And I am sure you will look fab in whatever you decide to wear!

Tanya - will be thinking of you for Jakob's due date. I know how hard that day is going to be. :hugs: Fingers crossed you haven't ov'd yet and there is still time... :hugs:

AFM...I have added an ovulation ticker! I thought it was about time I started tracking things. I am not temping or doing OPKs but I know exactly when I ov'd last month. It's bizarre, but since that D&E it's like everything has been reset. My periods were all over the place for years before I got pregnant - long lasting, spotting, really heavy etc. Now my cycle is like clockwork, doesn't last very long, no spotting, and I actually know when I ovulate just by the feeling. I do wonder if my wierd cycles have anything to do with things going wrong. I mean, it was 10 years since my last pregnancy and my cycles became worse and worse. I wonder if perhaps the environment just wasn't up to the task. Or maybe it had nothing to do with it, I don't know. It just feels completely different now, and maybe the next one will be much better...


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Tanya, I'm so sorry for you wee girl, that just made me bawl my eyes out. So hard for you to read that. 

I'm sorry I don't have time to reply to everyone just now, am dashing off to queenstown to try to get DD's santa pressies - it's an hour away and this is her last day in school, so it's our last chance to get it done before we head away on tuesday to MIL's. Will log in tonight (most of your tommorrows!)

xxx


----------



## mhazzab

This is turning into a great day for once (well apart from dropping my dinner on the floor, that wasn't good!)

This morning I got what felt like an almighty kick from little rainbow that made me yelp in surprise and this evening I just heard his heartbeat on my Doppler for the first time. After a few minutes of crying :haha: i managed to phone hubby at work. So relieved, maybe I can relax for a few days now until the panic sets in again!

I also got a couple of hundred pounds reward and recognition at work and of course there's the new sparkly shoes :)
Best day I have had in a long while...
X


----------



## Bride2b

Yay Mhairi for all those little miracles that have happened today! Except of course dropping your dinner!!

Hope everyone is ok this evening zx

Having a shit few days,got the date for the funeral,it's 23rd which is my dads birthday,but it's something I have to do as that's all they had! The lovely lady at labour ward got some photos of Bertie's hands & feet for me today & I'm going to collect them on Mon when I go to see the counsellor. Posted the full events in my thread earlier but thought I'd do a condensed (less depressing version) on here

Love to all xxxx


----------



## winterwonder

Hi everyone!

Thank you all for the congratulations, they have made me feel a bit better about such a weird situation to be in.

As far as things go, no idea how far along i am, but i cant be that far along as i had a negative in the middle of november, and when i first tested on monday afternoon it was alot paler than it is now, (yes i'm POAS every morning!).

I wasnt really expecting to be pregnant, it was more wishful thinking, i thought i was going mad as i was seeing these super super faint lines, trying to show them to OH and he was going yeah you're mad!

Also no symptoms yet!

love you all and i'm glad everyone else is doing well!

Christine xx


----------



## jojo23

Mhairi thats fantastic hun so nice to get some reassurance... 

well im officially 13 weeks :) heading towards 2nd tri cant believe it. feeling totally rotten tonight though just thrown up everywhere and in bed now can barely type but im glad of it also iykwim!! feel silly complaining about feeling sick when i know in another way im so delighted to be feeling it lol.

how is everyone? andrea hope your keeping good hun....kelly you make me laugh so much with your posts hope your feeling better this week and not down n out!
tanya thanks so much for your fbook message i totally forgot to reply earlier head like a sieve haha xxx

girls i cant name you all im so sorry my brain is total mush tonight haha but you know im thinking of you ALL and hoping for some great news from you soon xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## KamIAm

Hi gang!

Popping in from phone before I hit my sheets ... Zzzzzz

Hi Jo! I'm so excited for you! 13weeks? Crap already? Haha wow! Yippee!!! : )) I'm soooo glad your feeling icky and lil one is growing perfectly... Hopefully he/she will let up a bit on mom Xxx!

Mhairi! I sooo loved hearing that!!! How amazing! I think I'd be walking around like a mad woman with the doplar attached to my tummy listening hahaha : ) Amazing <3

Hope everyone else is great! Can't wait to hear an update from Natalie!!!

Well you all take care and see ya tomorrow!! Xoxo!


----------



## dnlfinker

Mhairi, i am glad to hear about your little bud kicking! I heard that with second and third pregnancy, it happens much earlier! I too had a dropler and i had love hate relationship with it. I love it when i was able to hear the heartbeat, but the twice my dd gave me a scare so i returned it and that was it.

Kelly dont expect an update from me, my feeling was that its negative. I looked at the test in different light and it was more than likely neg. next week will be 2 months , but i expect ng blood work to be neg as well. I am not upset about anymore o its fine


Jojo , glad to hear you and little one are doing good

Helen- yay for tracking! You will see that it should start to get easier for you


Welcome back to Tanya and congrats to Christine on your pregnancy. What anice suprise before
Christmas. I always heard that it happens when you least expect it!


Andrea, you must be s o busy, its impossible to catch you! Did you get my message?


----------



## kiki04

OK so I am kinda confused here... these pics are 6dpo and 8dpo... :shrug:

This was 6dpo...

https://i41.tinypic.com/zy5x5c.jpg

https://i43.tinypic.com/21j3c5w.jpg

And this is 8dpo

https://i42.tinypic.com/5js5cg.jpg

https://i44.tinypic.com/1e4eg1.jpg

Now before you get all excited... these are OPK's. BUT here is what confuses me... I had my dark pos on cd23 and 24 then 25 it went back neg. I wanted to POAS on 6dpo cuz my temps seem so low... and got the light line again. Now tonight I got a much darker line on 8dpo. I know there is very conflicting stories as to wether or not OPK's pick up HCG or not... but in 2 days it went from fairly light line to very obvious line... at 8dpo?! WTF?!


----------



## winterwonder

kiki04 said:


> OK so I am kinda confused here... these pics are 6dpo and 8dpo... :shrug:
> 
> This was 6dpo...
> 
> https://i41.tinypic.com/zy5x5c.jpg
> 
> https://i43.tinypic.com/21j3c5w.jpg
> 
> And this is 8dpo
> 
> https://i42.tinypic.com/5js5cg.jpg
> 
> https://i44.tinypic.com/1e4eg1.jpg
> 
> Now before you get all excited... these are OPK's. BUT here is what confuses me... I had my dark pos on cd23 and 24 then 25 it went back neg. I wanted to POAS on 6dpo cuz my temps seem so low... and got the light line again. Now tonight I got a much darker line on 8dpo. I know there is very conflicting stories as to wether or not OPK's pick up HCG or not... but in 2 days it went from fairly light line to very obvious line... at 8dpo?! WTF?!

You could be brewing a super baby? or twins, would more babies make more hcg? I've no idea how OPKs work, i'd just start POAS every few days maybe!

Fingers crossed for a super baby! xxx


----------



## yazoo

Nikki_d72 said:


> Oh Tanya, I'm so sorry for you wee girl, that just made me bawl my eyes out. So hard for you to read that.
> 
> I'm sorry I don't have time to reply to everyone just now, am dashing off to queenstown to try to get DD's santa pressies - it's an hour away and this is her last day in school, so it's our last chance to get it done before we head away on tuesday to MIL's. Will log in tonight (most of your tommorrows!)
> 
> xxx

I know Nikki- breaks your heart doesn't it. Hope you enjoyed yourself in Queenstown and got all your pressies. Ah its time for you to go to MIL's already? What will we do without you. :hugs:



mhazzab said:


> This is turning into a great day for once (well apart from dropping my dinner on the floor, that wasn't good!)
> 
> This morning I got what felt like an almighty kick from little rainbow that made me yelp in surprise and this evening I just heard his heartbeat on my Doppler for the first time. After a few minutes of crying :haha: i managed to phone hubby at work. So relieved, maybe I can relax for a few days now until the panic sets in again!
> 
> I also got a couple of hundred pounds reward and recognition at work and of course there's the new sparkly shoes :)
> Best day I have had in a long while...
> X

Yay Mhairi- how exciting is that. :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Oh if I had one of them I'd have it superglued to me. Thats a brilliant doppler to pick up heartbeat so early. What kind do you have? (so I know when I need to go shopping for one, hopefully.) Doctors here won't check hb until around 15 weeks. When the panic sets in you just put that doppler back on your belly so you can hear your wee rainbow. xxx I hope you continue to have great days like that. You deserve it. And I really hope the Irish/Scottish post would hurry the hell up. Its almost Christmas. :winkwink:

My multi-quote button doesn't seem to be working very well. Kiki- I have no clue what could cause that. Your temping so you are definitely sure you ovulated right? I got a bit excited when I first seen the pic. I thought it was a HCG test. 

Bride- I'm sorry your having such a bad few days. I'm glad your going to get the pics though. :hugs::hugs: I feel for you not having had the funeral yet. We had Jakob's funeral a week after he was born and I couldn't relax thinking about it all the time. 

I know I have more people to reply to but I just can't remember what I was going to say, 

AFM-as you all prob know the big day is today. OH has got 2 exams so will be gone most of the day. I was thinking about painting my hall and landing to keep myself busy but I decided against it. I'm just going to go with the flow and deal with any emotions that arise instead of burying my head in the sand. I want to look back at this day and smile/shed a tear, not to remember me trying to avoid the inevitable. We are going to do something special for our wee angel later on. 

I love you so much Jakob and long for nothing more than to hold you in my arms today and talk about who you look like, how gorgeous you are and I want so badly to kiss your little button nose and hug you so tight. Mammy loves you wee man. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

yazoo said:


> I love you so much Jakob and long for nothing more than to hold you in my arms today and talk about who you look like, how gorgeous you are and I want so badly to kiss your little button nose and hug you so tight. Mammy loves you wee man. :hugs::hugs:

He knows how much you miss him Tanya. Sending massive hugs today :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## OliveBay

Sending you lots of love Tanya. Just allow yourself to feel all those feelings today and don't put any expectations on yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself and let those tears flow as much as they need to :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

OliveBay said:


> Sending you lots of love Tanya. Just allow yourself to feel all those feelings today and don't put any expectations on yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself and let those tears flow as much as they need to :hugs:

I'm thinking of you too.......x


----------



## yazoo

Hellylou said:


> ]
> 
> He knows how much you miss him Tanya. Sending massive hugs today :hugs::hugs::hugs:




OliveBay said:


> Sending you lots of love Tanya. Just allow yourself to feel all those feelings today and don't put any expectations on yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself and let those tears flow as much as they need to :hugs:




Bride2b said:


> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> Sending you lots of love Tanya. Just allow yourself to feel all those feelings today and don't put any expectations on yourself. Be kind and gentle to yourself and let those tears flow as much as they need to :hugs:
> 
> I'm thinking of you too.......xClick to expand...

Thank you girls. I really appreciate all the lovely messages I got today. It was a very tough day thinking about the what ifs but there's not a day that goes by that I don't think like that anyway. OH got home early and the 3 of us lit some candles for Jakob, got some helium balloons and wrote messages on them and released them into the sky at his grave. I hate that any os us has to go through this. Its just not fair. Now just to get Christmas over with. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

Sending lots of love and hugs to you today Tanya xxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Fantastic news Christine. Another rainbow in the making. Wishing you a h&h 9 months xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Tanya, sending you, Jakob, your DD and your family lots of love today hon, I'm not sure where we're at with the time difference, hope I've caught you still on the day hon. xxx


----------



## yazoo

Thanks Hayley & Nikki- Its 8.45 here at the moment.


----------



## KamIAm

Hi my love Tanya! :winkwink: :hugs:

You and your family has been on my heart and in my mind all day today, been sending you all loves and prayers.... 

Jakob :flower: Forever Loved, Never Forgotten! :kiss:


----------



## mhazzab

I have a question for those carrying a rainbow (or for anyone else who has thought about this at great length like me!!)

for those who are past their 12 weeks scan - have you told the world yet or are you still keeping it quiet? And if you are still keeping it quiet, how long do you think you will do that for?

and for those still awaiting their 12 weeks scan - what do you plan to do when you get the all clear at 12 weeks?

All the people who supported us through the loss of our girls, already know about our rainbow, most of them have known for weeks. I have my scan on monday, and assuming all is fine, I feel a bit uncomfortable telling the world yet. But, it's becoming pretty obvious and hard to hide. And, I keep telling myself, there's no way I could keep it a secret until I get past the time I lost the twins (23w). I also think I owe this little one the same excitement I had last time. But I don't want to be constantly forced to have to talk about babies pregnancy etc, as I like to do that on my own terms these days if you know what I mean? Not sure what to do!

xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

yazoo said:


> Thanks Hayley & Nikki- Its 8.45 here at the moment.

Thinking of you and precious Jakob.. ALl My Love..:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:




mhazzab said:


> I have a question for those carrying a rainbow (or for anyone else who has thought about this at great length like me!!)
> 
> for those who are past their 12 weeks scan - have you told the world yet or are you still keeping it quiet? And if you are still keeping it quiet, how long do you think you will do that for?
> 
> and for those still awaiting their 12 weeks scan - what do you plan to do when you get the all clear at 12 weeks?
> 
> All the people who supported us through the loss of our girls, already know about our rainbow, most of them have known for weeks. I have my scan on monday, and assuming all is fine, I feel a bit uncomfortable telling the world yet. But, it's becoming pretty obvious and hard to hide. And, I keep telling myself, there's no way I could keep it a secret until I get past the time I lost the twins (23w). I also think I owe this little one the same excitement I had last time. But I don't want to be constantly forced to have to talk about babies pregnancy etc, as I like to do that on my own terms these days if you know what I mean? Not sure what to do!
> 
> xx

Hey,
I have thought about this at a really great length :wacko::wacko: I am NOT telling anyone when I get pregnant till I am 20 weeks. I don't see my husbands side that much like i used to . So for me hiding it for 20 weeks will be easy. I just don't want anything or anyone to get me upset, so at 5 months I will announce it. It is up to you and only what you feel comfortable with. I would just rather wait till I am 20 weeks, but obviously if you are popping out before then you may not have a choice, unless you just say oh my I have been gaining a lot of weight lately :dohh::dohh::happydance::happydance::happydance:
I wish you all the best reaching your choice..XOOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Mhairi - I think this is a good question! One that I have been thinking about too (so I know what to do when the time comes...and I bloody hope its soon!)
Last time I didnt want to tell anyone as I was so scared that something would happen. My OH best mate & his GF lost their baby @ 9 weeks but found out at the 12 wk scan and they have pretty much told everyone. So obviously had the hard task of then telling people after the 12 wk scan that the little one wasnt meant to be. This all happened about 4-5 weeks before we got our BFP. We waited 3 weeks to tell anyone (parents, sister) and we only told them at that point as OH dad was 88 and been ill in hospital and we didnt want to not tell him in case he wasnt around much longer. We then told close friends after our 12 week scan (I think I was 13 wks before I told my best friend). I kept thinking I should tell people but was too scared. I then told my very close work colleague when I was 17 weeks, and no body else at work knew (apart from my manager for H&S reasons). To this day people at work do not know that I was pregnant or that I have lost a baby. In some ways I am glad as I can go back to work without having to face all those people as they know no different. In another way I feel quite sick that there are people who know me who will never know about my beautiful baby, who has changed my life.
I am really torn. Part of me wants to be able scream from the roof tops next time (at 12 weeks) that we are expecting, as I want to be proud of being a mummy. But at the same time I feel I would want to keep it a secret until at least past 19 weeks when I lost Bertie (or until the 20 wk scan) or even to 24 weeks. 
I guess it also depends on if it gets obvious. I am a small person & surprisingly my little bump didnt show, people didnt even notice I was pregnant & those who knew kept on saying I didnt have a bump. I could see a very small one with no clothes on but with clothes on it just wasnt obvious. I am not sure if next time I not show so soon as now my stomach muscles are a bit more stretched than they were before & not being able to exercise wont tighten them back up. So I would think if I get pregnant sooner rather than later it might be more obvious.

I have just banged on havent i???? I didnt actually give you an answer!!!!! Has someone got any suggestions???????????


----------



## OliveBay

Mhairi this is something I've been thinking about recently. When I get my next BFP half of me wants to tell everyone straight away and the other half of me would like to keep it a secret until the baby is born!!! We were so cautious last time and hadn't told anyone except our closest family members until after the 13 week scan. When I told my colleagues at 13 weeks some of them had suspected anyway as I already had a little pot-belly bump, so i think it would have been impossible for me to keep it secret for much longer.

My thoughts on this topic today (which could very well be different tomorrow, and each day after that) are that I would probably tell my parents and close family quite soon, but I would wait until after 12/13 weeks to spread the news wider. If anything unfortunate were to happen after that then I would probably still want people to know that I'd been pregnant in the first place - I don't want to have to hide it, and I had so much love and support from friends and colleagues in the early days after my loss which really helped.

I think this is definitely one of those things where we will all do it differently for so many reasons, and we just have to do what feels right for us at the time.


----------



## MummyStobe

mhazzab said:


> I have a question for those carrying a rainbow (or for anyone else who has thought about this at great length like me!!)
> 
> for those who are past their 12 weeks scan - have you told the world yet or are you still keeping it quiet? And if you are still keeping it quiet, how long do you think you will do that for?
> 
> and for those still awaiting their 12 weeks scan - what do you plan to do when you get the all clear at 12 weeks?
> 
> All the people who supported us through the loss of our girls, already know about our rainbow, most of them have known for weeks. I have my scan on monday, and assuming all is fine, I feel a bit uncomfortable telling the world yet. But, it's becoming pretty obvious and hard to hide. And, I keep telling myself, there's no way I could keep it a secret until I get past the time I lost the twins (23w). I also think I owe this little one the same excitement I had last time. But I don't want to be constantly forced to have to talk about babies pregnancy etc, as I like to do that on my own terms these days if you know what I mean? Not sure what to do!
> 
> xx

Hey hun, we kept the news to ourselves for a couple of weeks whereas with my last 2 pregnancies we told immediate family as soon as we got the BFP. The only people who know at the moment are those who supported us the most after Max, immediate family and a few close friends. 
I'm going to tell my boss when I go back to work in the New Year as I probably won't be able to hide my bump much longer, I'm surprised I've got away with it this far.
And as for everyone else I think we've decided that people will find out (after the 12 week scan) whenever they happen to hear about it. We don't want to hide our news but at the same time it doesn't feel quite right to make a big announcement like we did last time. If people only find out when they see me with a bump then so be it.
I've joked about one girl I know (she's meant to be a friend but she's been making less and less effort recently so I haven't seen her for ages - in fact her husband dropped a Christmas card off today and she didn't even get out of the car to say hi but sent me a text afterwards instead with her excuses) anyway we've joked that it'll be that long before I see her again that a) I'll either be the size of a whale or b) I'll have had the baby by the time she finds out. I'll get grief if I tell her by text and I'll get grief if I don't tell her (but if I don't see her how can I?) so I can't win. - but I've given up caring now, I'm starting to realise who my real friends are.


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## MummyStobe

Rather random story...

I've mentioned my MIL's psychic friend before, well we've had another 'message' from her this week.

She sent a text to my MIL on the *19th November*, I've attached a photo I took of it (sorry it's so big - not sure how to import them smaller)

https://i1105.photobucket.com/albums/h347/hesalisbury/02207487.jpg

we only got the BFP on the 8th November, told my mum parents on the 20th and my inlaws on the 29th.(MIL still hasn't told her I'm pregnant and there is no way she could have known on the 19th).

I always knew Max was looking after us but it was kind of nice to get the confirmation.


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## Hellylou

Mhairi - I have thought about this issue a lot too. I think it is something I would play by ear, really. I got so much love and support from family, friends and colleagues, it was a real blessing, and we'd only just started spreading the news in the first place, only to have to tell everyone the bad news a few weeks later. Some people had only just heard I was pregnant the day before we lost him.:cry:

At least at this time of year it is a bit easier to hide things - baggy jumpers and layers can be great for hiding things from those you aren't ready to share the news with. I'm sure you will get a lot of support from everyone, and it's probably better that they do know so they can make sure you are extra looked after, and I think everyone will understand that this pregnancy, whilst very exciting, is a very anxious experience for you.

Hayley - wow, that's amazing!


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## mhazzab

thanks everyone for your thoughts about sharing my news...it's been really helpful :) I think I will just wait and see how my mood takes me next week. Hubby says he will go with whatever I choose. I have told him that I don't want his mum announcing it to the whole pub over the microphone like she did last time though (I was so annoyed)

Hayley - wow! that's amazing, I want to meet this woman! 
And as for your other comment about finding out who your real friends are - that is so true and something I have said several times myself over the last few weeks. I have been so disappointed in some people, and others have surprised me in a nice way. I have also made some lovely new friends :)
xxx
xx


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## Nikki_d72

Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare. 

OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!

Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Hellylou

Nikki, I am so sorry, I didn't realise it was nearly your due date. At this time of year, too, it must be so difficult to hold it together, and thinking of you with your bootees breaking your heart like that has me sitting here in tears too. I will be thinking of you these coming days, even if you don't have time to log in, I'm with you. I really hope your Christmas is a gentle one too. Sending lots of love to you and your family, lovely. Massive hugs at this very difficult time. It can only get better for us all, right? I believe we will all have a better year in 2012 :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare.
> 
> OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!
> 
> Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...
> 
> 
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hayley, that is amazing. Wow

Nikki- I'm sorry hun. Its so tough and I wish I could give u a big hug. I had a few of them really intense crying moments recently too. I hate that we have to do this. I hope Ethan & Hayden's due date is gentle on you. I'm sure they are looking down at their Mammy right now. You are in my thoughts. :hugs:


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## mhazzab

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare.
> 
> OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!
> 
> Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...
> 
> 
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

oh Nikki you have so much going on right now.It sounds like you won't have much time to yourself on your due date, but make sure you take any time you need to sit and cry your eyes out if that is what helps (that's what I did!!)

I'm sorry you got so upset the other day, but I think sometimes that's what you need to do, just let it all out.

I hope you manage to get through the day okay, I will be thinking of you and sending love to your little angels.

I'll miss your posts over the holidays, I do hope you manage without us! Make sure you come back to say hi as soon as you get back home.

lots of love xxxxx


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## Nikki_d72

I'll miss you all too, girls. Will log in as soon as I can when I get back! 

Helen I'm sorry I upset you hon. 

Love to all
xxxxx


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## Hellylou

Don't be sorry...I'm just so sad for you today. I know there have been and will be times when I am just the same and I will need support too.

I just went out for a meal with OH. We talked about moving house, and other things, and the future, and I asked him if he still thinks about our loss. We haven't really talked about it in a long time and I know he deals with stuff differently to me. He responded "every day" and I ended up fighting back tears in the restaurant.

I am so keen to TTC, and I know I am getting into the right time of the month, but he's adamant we need to wait til we move...I think by the end of this week he'll be afraid to walk into any room because I will pounce, as the kids are away this week and we have the place to ourselves...:happydance:


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## KamIAm

Hi Friends!!!

Man, I miss a few days on here and lots has happened...

Nikki.... I hope you are gentle on yourself and allow yourself to do what YOU need ... I didn't realize it was close to your due date either... Very hard time of year... :cry: Not sure if having family there visiting is a good or bad thing, might be good to have a distraction, or so they say... :shrug: I'll be thinking boutcha babe... Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas!!! :hugs:

Andrea.... I sent you a private message... You take care of YOU hon' and pop back in and let us know how your doing... Love ya chicka!:hugs:

Everyone else doing OK???

I haven't had time to scroll back thru the last few days but I promise I'll catch up tomorrow ... Hopefully you all have been fine...

How are all the DPO's girls??? All the rainbow momma's OK? 

AFM... I "should" be ovulating tomorrow... I haven't recieved my OPK's in the mail yet :dohh: so, now I'm questioning if I am or ain't or have or haven't... haha... I've been trying to tell myself that tomorrow is MY day so been treating these last few days like that , sooo guess we'll see... When I am due to test I'll actually been away on vacation, so I haven't thought it thru or decided what I will be doing, if I will poas like a crazy woman while away or just leave things be and test when I get back home if AF hasn't shown... :shrug: I'd love to go away and NOT test or worry about it, so we'll see..... Last night, I had myself thinking that I might be preg now, I know, Coo Coo LOL :haha: (I even had a normal length af) But I never like Chinese food, except when I'm preg and last night I was dying for it... hahaha... Last time I ate there I was preg with Em'.... Lots of thinking and feelings.... Cray Cray... LOL! :wacko::haha:

I changed my avatar picture... Stole this picture from someone, not sure if I like this one or not... LOL! But it's how I feel... All we want for Christmas is 2 glorious lines!!!! :winkwink:

Thinking of you all..... XOXO!!! :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hi ladies, sorry been AWOL a bit, it's only 2 days from D-day for me and I don't mind admitting I'm struggling. I'm also trying to get things sorted for when we come back with visitors in tow, so have heaps to do. We are going to in-laws and then some of them are coming to stay immediately after so a bit of a logistical nightmare.
> 
> OH's brother has a 1yr old so we are taking the travel cot down with us for them to use (they are flying over from OZ so don't have stuff like that with them) and I was hunting under the bed for the pack with the sheets in and I had the thought that WE should be needing this. Then I came accross an under-bed bag full of baby clothes that we kept from DD and it just happened to be the really early stuff - so ended up hiding down behind the bed with 2 wee sets of white bootees clutched to me bawling my eyes out. It's the worst I've been in a long time, totally uncontrollable till I couldn't breathe and I didn't want DD to see me, it was a bad one. Hopefully that's it all out for a while and I don't ruin everyone's Christmas. Sorry for the pity-party!
> 
> Anyway, with OH home at the moment then us going away I'm not getting much time on here, so I just wanted to wish everyone as gentle a Christmas as possible. You'll all be in my thoughts, floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels...
> 
> 
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I know how hard this, I love you. Just know I am thinking of you and your precious angels..XOXOOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hi Friends!!!
> 
> Man, I miss a few days on here and lots has happened...
> 
> Nikki.... I hope you are gentle on yourself and allow yourself to do what YOU need ... I didn't realize it was close to your due date either... Very hard time of year... :cry: Not sure if having family there visiting is a good or bad thing, might be good to have a distraction, or so they say... :shrug: I'll be thinking boutcha babe... Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas!!! :hugs:
> 
> Andrea.... I sent you a private message... You take care of YOU hon' and pop back in and let us know how your doing... Love ya chicka!:hugs:
> 
> Everyone else doing OK???
> 
> I haven't had time to scroll back thru the last few days but I promise I'll catch up tomorrow ... Hopefully you all have been fine...
> 
> How are all the DPO's girls??? All the rainbow momma's OK?
> 
> AFM... I "should" be ovulating tomorrow... I haven't recieved my OPK's in the mail yet :dohh: so, now I'm questioning if I am or ain't or have or haven't... haha... I've been trying to tell myself that tomorrow is MY day so been treating these last few days like that , sooo guess we'll see... When I am due to test I'll actually been away on vacation, so I haven't thought it thru or decided what I will be doing, if I will poas like a crazy woman while away or just leave things be and test when I get back home if AF hasn't shown... :shrug: I'd love to go away and NOT test or worry about it, so we'll see..... Last night, I had myself thinking that I might be preg now, I know, Coo Coo LOL :haha: (I even had a normal length af) But I never like Chinese food, except when I'm preg and last night I was dying for it... hahaha... Last time I ate there I was preg with Em'.... Lots of thinking and feelings.... Cray Cray... LOL! :wacko::haha:
> 
> I changed my avatar picture... Stole this picture from someone, not sure if I like this one or not... LOL! But it's how I feel... All we want for Christmas is 2 glorious lines!!!! :winkwink:
> 
> Thinking of you all..... XOXO!!! :hugs:

Love you.. Sent you a message also. My signature says I should ovulate in 3 days, but i got a postive just now so i am going to ovulate tomorrow also, day 14 , every month is friggin different :wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko:
XOXOXOXO


----------



## mhazzab

just a wee message to let you know that my scan went well today, my little dude was measuring 3 days ahead, so now I'm 13 weeks tomorrow :) I like it when that happens!

The NT measurement looked good, but I will get my risk factor back next week once the blood results come back. 

Baby was super active and constantly kicking me, she made me go for a walk to try and get him to calm down so she could get measurements (it worked)

It was very emotional being there and seeing another baby, kind of took me back to last time and then made me sad, but, I know I have to move forward with my life now. This little guy has two big sisters who will always look over him, and us.

xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Mhairi that is wonderful news! :happydance::happydance::hugs:

I can understand it must have been emotional though, but I just know this time will be perfect, and your girls are so proud of their mum right now :hugs:


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## mhazzab

Hellylou said:


> Mhairi that is wonderful news! :happydance::happydance::hugs:
> 
> I can understand it must have been emotional though, but I just know this time will be perfect, and your girls are so proud of their mum right now :hugs:

aww thank you, that's so sweet, I hope they are proud of me. 

At one point during the scan we both realised that at the bottom of the screen were screenshots from previous exams...they were pictures of the twins. It made me feel so sad, they were from their 20 weeks scan so not long before we lost them :cry: God, I miss them so much. But I love this baby, and I know that this one is only here because the twins died. Hard to get my head around sometimes.

xx


----------



## blav

Mhairi-that is amazing! I'm so glad everything went well and is looking good. Your twins ARE proud of you. You're their mama and they love you so much.

Winterwonderland-CONGRATS!!!!

Andrea-As frustrating as your ovulation makes you, it gives me a little hope because I haven't ovulated yet and I'm pretty sure I should have :dohh:

Kelly-Girl, I think we're all a littl cray cray, don't you?


AFM, I thought I should have ovulated this weekened but the OPK kept giving me a negative. OH and I :sex: a few times just for good measure (and fun :dohh:) I really hope I ovulate in the next few days. It worries me a little becasue OH and I got in a HUGE fight :growlmad: and although everything is fine now, I'm wondering if that could have effected things. Also because I didn't eat much for the 2 days it was going on. :cry: It also kind of makes me sad because my AF was so normal, I thought for sure I would ovulate normally. It could also be that my cycle will be longer than it was before the baby. Fingers crossed that it will be tomorrow.

On a good front though, OH and I have picked out our boy name for this time around. Liam Mateo (Mateo after our angel, of course) and we're keeping our girl name from list time Isla, but changing the middle name to Mattie (short for Mateo). I love both names, but would love a rainbow more :baby:


Ahh, I know I've missed so many but need to get ready for work! :hugs::hugs::hugs: to those going through tought times (Bride2be with the memorial, and others who are at due dates and such) Such strong angel mommies.


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## mhazzab

oh Kelly you got me all excited with your new pic...but then I realised I had seen it already, it was on the postsecret site (you ever look at that? I love it)

I'm hoping you get one with two lines on it over christmas :hugs:

xxx


----------



## KamIAm

mhazzab said:


> oh Kelly you got me all excited with your new pic...but then I realised I had seen it already, it was on the postsecret site (you ever look at that? I love it)
> 
> I'm hoping you get one with two lines on it over christmas :hugs:
> 
> xxx

I know Mhairi, when I first seen this pic on my cousins facebook , I jumped on her page and sent her a message asking if she was preg... LOL.. I don't think I like it much for my avatar, ... :dohh: :haha: I seen your previous post about your scan.... I am BEYOND excited it went well, funny how lil one was bouncing about! hahah, Yay lil dude!!! :winkwink: I know seeing the girls last scan HAD to be hard, you are so strong and as Helen said I am more than sure the girls are sooooo happy and proud of their mom... :winkwink: Are you gonna find out what lil one is? Boy or Girl or wait and be surprised??? My next will be a surprise... I've always caved and found out... So, next I want that surprise : ) We'll see tho! LOL!!

AFM..... I recieved my opk's today so I rushed to the bathroom , poas about noon...and it showed up positive (faint) ... So, could that have been from my ovulating yesterday like I planned or could that be faint cuz it's coming up? Lots of googling and online researching for me today, gotta figure these things out .. :dohh:

Hope all is well! I'm great, just super busy getting ready for Christmas and our vacation .. :happydance:

Miss you all... When I'm away from here, I think of you all!!! :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

mhazzab said:


> just a wee message to let you know that my scan went well today, my little dude was measuring 3 days ahead, so now I'm 13 weeks tomorrow :) I like it when that happens!
> 
> The NT measurement looked good, but I will get my risk factor back next week once the blood results come back.
> 
> Baby was super active and constantly kicking me, she made me go for a walk to try and get him to calm down so she could get measurements (it worked)
> 
> It was very emotional being there and seeing another baby, kind of took me back to last time and then made me sad, but, I know I have to move forward with my life now. This little guy has two big sisters who will always look over him, and us.
> 
> xxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I can't even believe your 12 weeks already???????????????????????????????? God that went fast :kiss::kiss::kiss: I am so glad the baby was active ansd i just know everything will be ok.I can't even imagine your emotions , I know it is hard but I know things will be ok for you. Love you and always thinking of you XOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

I read all the updates earlier... i am ashamed to say I have no idea what they were as I have got so utterly pissed I cant remember!!! This is from someone who is tea total! I think my emotions have got the better of me, the reverend who is doing the funeral did not show up this evening, so we are none the wiser about everything....so I cracked open the red wine instead! Will update you all tomorrow about todays events. I dont think there hast been a minute in this whole ay I havent cried. I dont want to depress you all. I love the stength you have all shown me, its just been so difficult these last few days. Love to all and santas sacks full of baby dust xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## yazoo

Hellylou said:


> I just went out for a meal with OH. We talked about moving house, and other things, and the future, and I asked him if he still thinks about our loss. We haven't really talked about it in a long time and I know he deals with stuff differently to me. He responded "every day" and I ended up fighting back tears in the restaurant.
> 
> I am so keen to TTC, and I know I am getting into the right time of the month, but he's adamant we need to wait til we move...I think by the end of this week he'll be afraid to walk into any room because I will pounce, as the kids are away this week and we have the place to ourselves...:happydance:

Helen, I am so glad you had a chat about it with your OH. Myself and my OH had a good chat the other night too. We talk quite a bit but he really opened up about his feelings and said he can picture Jakob as he should be growing up and as he would be older. It was great having him open up so much to me and he admitted that he does try yo be strong for me and tries to left my spirits all the time and just because he does that doesn't mean he doesn't think about it all the time & that it doesn't effect him. 


mhazzab said:


> just a wee message to let you know that my scan went well today, my little dude was measuring 3 days ahead, so now I'm 13 weeks tomorrow :) I like it when that happens!
> 
> The NT measurement looked good, but I will get my risk factor back next week once the blood results come back.
> 
> Baby was super active and constantly kicking me, she made me go for a walk to try and get him to calm down so she could get measurements (it worked)
> 
> It was very emotional being there and seeing another baby, kind of took me back to last time and then made me sad, but, I know I have to move forward with my life now. This little guy has two big sisters who will always look over him, and us.
> 
> xxx

Mhairi-:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Yay for the good scan. I'm so happy for you. I can understand your emotions though and I'm sorry you were a little sad. :nope: The girls are looking over you all and I bet they can't wait until their little brother (or sister) is born. :flower: Did you see anything that would give away the sex of bubs? 



KamIAm said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> oh Kelly you got me all excited with your new pic...but then I realised I had seen it already, it was on the postsecret site (you ever look at that? I love it)
> 
> I'm hoping you get one with two lines on it over christmas :hugs:
> 
> xxx
> 
> 
> AFM..... I recieved my opk's today so I rushed to the bathroom , poas about noon...and it showed up positive (faint) ... So, could that have been from my ovulating yesterday like I planned or could that be faint cuz it's coming up? Lots of googling and online researching for me today, gotta figure these things out .. :dohh:
> 
> :Click to expand...

Kel- I don't know if you know this but OPKs work differently to HPTs. There may always be a second line throughout your whole cycle but it is only when it is as dark or darker than the control line that it is positive. HTHs. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Bride2b said:


> I read all the updates earlier... i am ashamed to say I have no idea what they were as I have got so utterly pissed I cant remember!!! This is from someone who is tea total! I think my emotions have got the better of me, the reverend who is doing the funeral did not show up this evening, so we are none the wiser about everything....so I cracked open the red wine instead! Will update you all tomorrow about todays events. I dont think there hast been a minute in this whole ay I havent cried. I dont want to depress you all. I love the stength you have all shown me, its just been so difficult these last few days. Love to all and santas sacks full of baby dust xxxxxxxxxxx

Massive hugs to you hun. Don't think you are depressing us. The emotions go up and down here all the time. Your in my thoughts and I hope things improve for you and you get more information about the funeral. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> I read all the updates earlier... i am ashamed to say I have no idea what they were as I have got so utterly pissed I cant remember!!! This is from someone who is tea total! I think my emotions have got the better of me, the reverend who is doing the funeral did not show up this evening, so we are none the wiser about everything....so I cracked open the red wine instead! Will update you all tomorrow about todays events. I dont think there hast been a minute in this whole ay I havent cried. I dont want to depress you all. I love the stength you have all shown me, its just been so difficult these last few days. Love to all and santas sacks full of baby dust xxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> Massive hugs to you hun. Don't think you are depressing us. The emotions go up and down here all the time. Your in my thoughts and I hope things improve for you and you get more information about the funeral. :hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Totally agree we are here for you through all the bad times don't ever feel like you can't say something. xxx


----------



## mhazzab

yazoo said:


> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> I just went out for a meal with OH. We talked about moving house, and other things, and the future, and I asked him if he still thinks about our loss. We haven't really talked about it in a long time and I know he deals with stuff differently to me. He responded "every day" and I ended up fighting back tears in the restaurant.
> 
> I am so keen to TTC, and I know I am getting into the right time of the month, but he's adamant we need to wait til we move...I think by the end of this week he'll be afraid to walk into any room because I will pounce, as the kids are away this week and we have the place to ourselves...:happydance:
> 
> Helen, I am so glad you had a chat about it with your OH. Myself and my OH had a good chat the other night too. We talk quite a bit but he really opened up about his feelings and said he can picture Jakob as he should be growing up and as he would be older. It was great having him open up so much to me and he admitted that he does try yo be strong for me and tries to left my spirits all the time and just because he does that doesn't mean he doesn't think about it all the time & that it doesn't effect him.
> 
> 
> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> just a wee message to let you know that my scan went well today, my little dude was measuring 3 days ahead, so now I'm 13 weeks tomorrow :) I like it when that happens!
> 
> The NT measurement looked good, but I will get my risk factor back next week once the blood results come back.
> 
> Baby was super active and constantly kicking me, she made me go for a walk to try and get him to calm down so she could get measurements (it worked)
> 
> It was very emotional being there and seeing another baby, kind of took me back to last time and then made me sad, but, I know I have to move forward with my life now. This little guy has two big sisters who will always look over him, and us.
> 
> xxxClick to expand...
> 
> Mhairi-:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Yay for the good scan. I'm so happy for you. I can understand your emotions though and I'm sorry you were a little sad. :nope: The girls are looking over you all and I bet they can't wait until their little brother (or sister) is born. :flower: Did you see anything that would give away the sex of bubs?Click to expand...

Lol Tanya I'm terrible at those scans I am lucky if I can tell the head from the bum I don't know how the technicians identify all the things they are looking at!!! So no, I didn't see any clues!!

I'm really glad you had a proper chat with hubby it means a lot to hear them say how much they love our babies doesn't it? My hubby doesn't talk about them much either unless I do. But I know he misses them.

Xx


----------



## kiki04

KamIAm said:


> AFM..... I recieved my opk's today so I rushed to the bathroom , poas about noon...and it showed up positive (faint) ... So, could that have been from my ovulating yesterday like I planned or could that be faint cuz it's coming up? Lots of googling and online researching for me today, gotta figure these things out .. :dohh:
> 
> Hope all is well! I'm great, just super busy getting ready for Christmas and our vacation .. :happydance:
> 
> Miss you all... When I'm away from here, I think of you all!!! :hugs:

I replied in the 2ww thread about the OPK's so go read that reply and you will learn a bit about OPK's :haha: I love you girl :friends:


----------



## blav

Well....poas this morning and stiill a no. I told OH that I'm losing hope and he said to never lose hope but if I'm going to ovulate this month it's way late! *pouts*


----------



## blav

I just read a review of HPT and OPK at https://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2003/01/27/earlyshow/health/main538075.shtml and found it to be helpful. I'm hoping that I did ovulate and maybe my OPK just didn't give me the right results...although if that was he case I wish OH and I had :sex: more this weekend. I thought some of you ladies might find it helpful as well.


----------



## yazoo

How many dpo are you blav? Sorry I can't remember your real name. 

I'm going back to work tomorrow girls. Its only for the day and then I am going back full time in January. I went in yesterday just to say hi to everyone. There are loads of new babies- I hope it isn't going to be too hard seeing babies all day. (I work in a creche/nursery)


----------



## mhazzab

Oh Tanya I'm sure tomorrow will be hard for you but remember we are all here for support. I hope it goes well for you, but, if it's hard, don't feel too bad. When I first went back I don't think I was ready, I took another week off after a few days and what a difference it made. I feel a lot more comfortable now. Take it easy and do things at your own pace. Will be thinking of you xxx


----------



## yazoo

Thanks hun- the good thing is I don't start properly until January 9th so a bit more time. I really hope it goes smoothly but I know you all will be here for me. :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

yazoo said:


> How many dpo are you blav? Sorry I can't remember your real name.
> 
> I'm going back to work tomorrow girls. Its only for the day and then I am going back full time in January. I went in yesterday just to say hi to everyone. There are loads of new babies- I hope it isn't going to be too hard seeing babies all day. (I work in a creche/nursery)

Tanya, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow dear... :hugs: Be gentle on yourself, tomorrow might be rough or you might get there and be surprised and welcome it... :flower:

Sending massive cyber hugs your way!!!! :hugs::hugs:


----------



## yazoo

Thank you my dear. I'm kinda looking forward to it a little bit as I really love the kids & have missed them alot. Its just the babies I am a little anxious about. Thankfully though I don't have them all the time. I am mainly responsible for platschool/montessorri. (I think thats kindergarten in the US)


----------



## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I will be also thinking of you, Tanya..XOXOXOX


----------



## blav

yazoo said:


> How many dpo are you blav? Sorry I can't remember your real name.
> 
> I'm going back to work tomorrow girls. Its only for the day and then I am going back full time in January. I went in yesterday just to say hi to everyone. There are loads of new babies- I hope it isn't going to be too hard seeing babies all day. (I work in a creche/nursery)

My name is Britney, I don't know that I ever introduced myself so don't worry about that!


----------



## blav

yazoo said:


> How many dpo are you blav? Sorry I can't remember your real name.
> 
> I'm going back to work tomorrow girls. Its only for the day and then I am going back full time in January. I went in yesterday just to say hi to everyone. There are loads of new babies- I hope it isn't going to be too hard seeing babies all day. (I work in a creche/nursery)

I am 3-4 DPO (I think). That is, if the OPK is wrong and I did ovulate when I calculated I would. I feel like I am having the symptoms after ovulation (gas, some pressure/cramping) but I don't know if I'm just *thinking* I'm having symptoms. BLAH!

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as you head back to work. I'm sure it will be tough but you have lots of support and love here and I'm sending you lots of love and :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Hope today goes ok Tanya,sometimes the anticipation is worse xxx


----------



## KamIAm

blav said:


> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> How many dpo are you blav? Sorry I can't remember your real name.
> 
> I'm going back to work tomorrow girls. Its only for the day and then I am going back full time in January. I went in yesterday just to say hi to everyone. There are loads of new babies- I hope it isn't going to be too hard seeing babies all day. (I work in a creche/nursery)
> 
> I am 3-4 DPO (I think). That is, if the OPK is wrong and I did ovulate when I calculated I would. I feel like I am having the symptoms after ovulation (gas, some pressure/cramping) but I don't know if I'm just *thinking* I'm having symptoms. BLAH!
> 
> I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as you head back to work. I'm sure it will be tough but you have lots of support and love here and I'm sending you lots of love and :hugs:Click to expand...


Hi Britney... I'm on the same track as you... I should be about 3 dpo... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!! :flower:

:dust::dust::dust::dust:


Anyone else due to be testing soon????


----------



## kiki04

Well I am 14 dpo now but I'm not going to bother testing. I have given up hope for this month as the whole cycle is just wonky :cry: I feel AF coming now too :shrug: I know next month will be out for sure cuz OH wont be around during O time which means I wont be seeing any BFP until late feb early march :cry:


----------



## Bride2b

kiki04 said:


> Well I am 14 dpo now but I'm not going to bother testing. I have given up hope for this month as the whole cycle is just wonky :cry: I feel AF coming now too :shrug: I know next month will be out for sure cuz OH wont be around during O time which means I wont be seeing any BFP until late feb early march :cry:

Noooooo!thats rubbish! Maybe if it's off it will be off next month and u might catch it before OH goes off! If not just think positive thoughts & u can do some nice treatments for urself to get ur body all nice and relaxed ready for making that rainbow. X


----------



## kiki04

Well I am figuring I didnt O this month and thats why AF is MIA as it hasnt been signalled by hormones to show up, therefore I now just wait until I either a) have a super late REAL O or b) til my body decides to bleed without being kickstarted by hormones :shrug: If it delays for another like 1-2 weeks then maybe I would be able to catch it next cycle but I started feeling her presence last night in bed so I am pretty sure she will be here within the next couple days.


----------



## Hellylou

Ok, so I caved in and bought some OPKs...:blush: I did one today because I am supposed to be in my fertile period. The line is pretty dark but not as dark as the control, or at least not as wide, if you know what I mean. It's dark on the left hand side but kind of gets lighter towards the right. I don't know how to upload photos, although I might have a try in a min if I can. Are you supposed to ignore it after 10 mins anyway?


----------



## blav

KamIAm said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> yazoo said:
> 
> 
> How many dpo are you blav? Sorry I can't remember your real name.
> 
> I'm going back to work tomorrow girls. Its only for the day and then I am going back full time in January. I went in yesterday just to say hi to everyone. There are loads of new babies- I hope it isn't going to be too hard seeing babies all day. (I work in a creche/nursery)
> 
> I am 3-4 DPO (I think). That is, if the OPK is wrong and I did ovulate when I calculated I would. I feel like I am having the symptoms after ovulation (gas, some pressure/cramping) but I don't know if I'm just *thinking* I'm having symptoms. BLAH!
> 
> I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as you head back to work. I'm sure it will be tough but you have lots of support and love here and I'm sending you lots of love and :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Hi Britney... I'm on the same track as you... I should be about 3 dpo... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!!! :flower:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust::dust:
> 
> 
> Anyone else due to be testing soon????Click to expand...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you too! I don't have much hope for this cycle because we didn't have much :sex: during my fertile period (if I in fact ovulated over the weekend). The alternative, if I didn't ovulate at all, well obviously I'd be out this month. Got another negative on the OPK today so I think I'm going to just give up on that!


----------



## yazoo

Thank you girls for the best wishes. 

Krissy- I hope your cycle sorts itself out. Just before we conceived Jakob I had a super long cycle of 64 days. Numerous hpts and blood test were done but BFN. AF finally came and we conceived the next month. I think I had a super ovulation after it coz we were trying for 9 months before that with no luck. I hope this is the case for you and you can squeeze in some bding. 

I am on CD17 at the minute and I don't know if I have ovulated or not. I took time out from temping this month so I don't know. 

Helen- I never got a proper positive on opks ie the line is never darker or as dark as the control line but I can always see the line getting darker throughout my cycle and then lightening again. I'm not sure if they can be read after 10 mins. 

so girls- the first day back wasn't actually so bad. There was times it was hard as a few of the parents are pregnant and there was alot of talk about babies but I just left the room. I was also trying to avoid a couple of parents who didn't know what happened but I will face them properly in January. Other than that though it was great being back. The kids were so excited to see me and I had great fun with them. It feels good knowing that you are loved and thought alot of by kids who are not your own iykwim.


----------



## blav

yazoo said:


> so girls- the first day back wasn't actually so bad. There was times it was hard as a few of the parents are pregnant and there was alot of talk about babies but I just left the room. I was also trying to avoid a couple of parents who didn't know what happened but I will face them properly in January. Other than that though it was great being back. The kids were so excited to see me and I had great fun with them. It feels good knowing that you are loved and thought alot of by kids who are not your own iykwim.

I'm glad the day wasn't too bad, it sounds like when you go back in January you will feel a lot more confident about returning. I'm sure the kiddies missed you very much and will be glad to have you back. :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

So pleased the return went well Tanya.

All I can say Krissy is how BLOODY frustrating!!!

Helen - I would like to know about OPKs as I brought some & they arrived last week, but I have never used them so advice on those little things would be great. I figured I would wait until AF to show before getting the sticks out as I could be testing for weeks waiting for first AF. How good am i??? (This wont last though!!)

Britney - fingers crossed, it only takes one little dude to make its way to that egg, so maybe if you did OV there is still a chance.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Got most things arranged now for the funeral on Friday. We had a bit of a tiff when we first started talking about arrangements (hence me getting a little pissed a few nights back as I was so pissed off). I had been to my first counselling & picked up some photos of my little one from the hospital, and to top it off the chaplain doing the funeral never showed up. I had literally been crying all day long! The chaplain meant he would come Tues, but I thought he meant Monday so we were waiting around due to crossed wires! Anyway we have now chosen a poem and songs, going to buy some flowers tomorrow and make our own arrangements for Bertie on Friday. I am totally dreading it, but now things are being arranged I dont feel as anxious as before. I cant wait for it to be over to be honest (but not in a bad way, its just something I hope I never have to do again).
Anyway, it will then be a wait for AF to show and then we can start to think about the future.
xx


----------



## Hellylou

Thanks Tanya - I am reckoning O is this Friday, but we will see. It's fun to track, anyway...

Gemma - definitely a good idea to wait for a cycle or two to see where you end up. Some people find cycles all over the place, but I have actually found mine to be more regular than they have been in years! And last cycle I actually felt when I O'd, which never happened before, which is why I am so interested in these OPKs to see if I am right and the feelings coincide this cycle. I feel more in tune with my body since all this, bizarrely.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts for Friday :hugs:


----------



## jojo23

hey girls sorry havent been on much! work is seriously crazy at the mo and i dont finish until xmas eve!!!
how is everyone? update me pls lol i feel so out of touch with everyone...

AFM im struggling with wind pain at the moment lol how lovely?! but seriously im contemplating just staying in bed over xmas if it doesnt pass haha... otherwise im feeling good, am 14 weeks now and just cant wait to start feeling movement etc! i feel like every now and then i get a little flutter but it could be all in my head haha!

hope everyone is good and getting ready for christmas xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Thought I'd check in before bed, its been a good day for me as I have made it one whole day without shedding a single tear!! Feel quite proud of myself. I hope its a good thing. Maybe its because I have cried so much that there are not any left, who knows...but it feels good that I have made it to the end of the day.

Night all xxx


----------



## OliveBay

Hi ladies, am off work today and really need to catch up with all the action on here. haven't really had much chance to get on the computer over the last couple of days.

Gemma, I'm so pleased you're getting sorted with funeral plans and you've got your photos. I remember my first day without crying, its another one of those milestones I didn't expect. It sounds like you're doing so well :hugs:

Krissy, I hope your cycle starts behaving soon :dohh:

Helen, are the OPKs making any more sense yet?! The first month i used them I didn't get a really dark line at all, just darkest one in comparison to the others. Get ready to start lots of :sex: over Christmas weekend!

Tanya, glad your day went well. Easing yourself in gradually is such a good idea. I hope it gets better and easier each time. It sounds like you really like your job too, which will make going back so much easier.

Jojo - there's so much going on in this area of the thread I'm finding it hard to keep up! Lovely to hear that you are 14 weeks - I hope you get some definite kicks soon

Britney, don't give up yet....:hugs:

And to all the other ladies on here (of whom there are many and I'm afraid I can't possibly remember you all :dohh:) I hope you are all keeping well and looking after yourselves. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Oh, and as for me I'm still just getting used to the idea of this week's BFP. I'm so excited but also starting to feel nervous and a bit scared. Strangely I'm not worried that I'll lose this one in the second trimester like our first baby, as I feel like hopeful we won't be so unlucky for the same random thing to happen again. At the moment I'm more worried about just getting past the first trimester as I know how fragile our little beans are at this early stage and how many of them don't make it :cry: I might give the midwife a ring today as I'm sure the consultant told me I'd get an early dating scan this time at 8 weeks, so with Christmas and New year coming up I should maybe try and get things sorted asap.


----------



## Andypanda6570

Bride2b said:


> Thought I'd check in before bed, its been a good day for me as I have made it one whole day without shedding a single tear!! Feel quite proud of myself. I hope its a good thing. Maybe its because I have cried so much that there are not any left, who knows...but it feels good that I have made it to the end of the day.
> 
> Night all xxx

I have days like that and it does feel good. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Thinking of you..XOXOOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs:


How is everyone doing? You all know I can't remember everyone's name, but I love you all and I wish you Happy Holidays and Healthy Happy New Year..XOXOXOOXOXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::xmas16::xmas16::xmas16::xmas16:


----------



## Hellylou

Hmm...any advice from seasoned POASers would be very welcome here...

I am CD13 of a 27 day cycle. I got the OPKs yesterday and did my first test yesterday afternoon. I got a pretty strong 2nd line but as it wasn't quite as dark as the test line all the way across, just half of it, I assumed that must be the negative and normal LH was just there. So I did one mid morning this morning and there was hardly any line at all. I thought maybe it was wrong time of day, so have just done one this afternoon and there is hardly any line at all...even fainter than this morning! So was yesterday a positive after all?

I am getting cramps today. Also...(shh) I have to admit we BD yesterday morning...


----------



## blav

Bride2be-I'm so proud of you for having a tear free day :thumbup: You are so much stronger than you think. Your loss is so fresh and it seems as though you are doing so well (I know you have tears and ups and downs, but you really are a tough cookie!)

Hellylou-I don't have any advice as far as POAS goes, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Olivebay-STILL so excited for you. If calling the midwife helps ease your mind a little, I think you should do it. In a way I miss the early days of my last pregnancy, didn't even realize I was or could be pregnant so I didn't worry about it! Now, we worry about EVERY little thing. :hugs:

AFM, I SWEAR I'm having the same nausea I had with Mateo. It's all day pretty much, but no vomiting, and it doesn't effect appetite. I'm also having more heartburn and gas (both ends :dohh:). Although, I'm trying to be positive that I'm not out this month, it just seems unreal that I would have symptoms so early which is why I feel like maybe I'm making them out to be worse than they are. BLAH!


----------



## kiki04

So seeing as how I have had an anovulatory cycle (didnt O) I wont get AF... it will show whenever the uterine lining gets too thick and just sheds on its own, or I have a real O and then 14 days later will get a true AF. Soooo I am wondering if my sneaky little angel has something to do with this???? Because knowing I wouldnt be able to :sex: around O next cycle had it come on time, my BFP would be postponed. Well as of now I miss the timing by about 10-15 days. If AF shows up in say another ten days... that puts me and OH at a point where we CAN catch the eggy... and my due date would be very close to Hadlee's and I now know I wont be sad about that. I think it would be a nice additional way of keeping her alive everyday, watching the new baby grow and see Hadlee in their little face if they shared a due date :cloud9: Something weird is going on here though that ironically this cycle is being way extended making it more and more possible for me and OH to be able to catch it next cycle! :happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

kiki04 said:


> So seeing as how I have had an anovulatory cycle (didnt O) I wont get AF... it will show whenever the uterine lining gets too thick and just sheds on its own, or I have a real O and then 14 days later will get a true AF. Soooo I am wondering if my sneaky little angel has something to do with this???? Because knowing I wouldnt be able to :sex: around O next cycle had it come on time, my BFP would be postponed. Well as of now I miss the timing by about 10-15 days. If AF shows up in say another ten days... that puts me and OH at a point where we CAN catch the eggy... and my due date would be very close to Hadlee's and I now know I wont be sad about that. I think it would be a nice additional way of keeping her alive everyday, watching the new baby grow and see Hadlee in their little face if they shared a due date :cloud9: Something weird is going on here though that ironically this cycle is being way extended making it more and more possible for me and OH to be able to catch it next cycle! :happydance:

I think your right...something is going on here I suspect and I just hope that its a little pathway to getting your rainbow! You must keep us updated!!x


----------



## Bride2b

blav said:


> AFM, I SWEAR I'm having the same nausea I had with Mateo. It's all day pretty much, but no vomiting, and it doesn't effect appetite. I'm also having more heartburn and gas (both ends :dohh:). Although, I'm trying to be positive that I'm not out this month, it just seems unreal that I would have symptoms so early which is why I feel like maybe I'm making them out to be worse than they are. BLAH!

I see your ticker says 8 days till testing....I hope its a good outcome. It is a bit strange that everything you are feeling is the same as when you were pregnant with Mateo! Just keep everything crossed this is it!


----------



## MummyStobe

OliveBay said:


> Oh, and as for me I'm still just getting used to the idea of this week's BFP

OMG think I have missed something. :bfp: when did this happen? So pleased and excited for you hun. Massive congratulations. Wishing you a h&h 9 months xxx


----------



## Bride2b

Well tomorrow is the day! We brought flowers and oasis today and made our own floral tributes. We did a teddy bear from myself and OH made from white flowers (think they are crysantimums - sorry cant spell & I'm no florist so I might have just made that up!) I am dreading it and just want to fast forward all the way through tomorrow. I know the service will be nice as we have chosen some lovely songs. I just dread seeing the caskett, something that small should never have to be seen in a crematorium. Will give you an update tomorrow.

Hope everyone is ok, all those you are on the TWW my fingers are crossed for you, all you rainbow makers hope you are all well and little ones getting bigger! And to everyone else who is WTT or taking a break make sure you are taking good care of yourselves and hope you are all ok at this time of year xxx


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> AFM, I SWEAR I'm having the same nausea I had with Mateo. It's all day pretty much, but no vomiting, and it doesn't effect appetite. I'm also having more heartburn and gas (both ends :dohh:). Although, I'm trying to be positive that I'm not out this month, it just seems unreal that I would have symptoms so early which is why I feel like maybe I'm making them out to be worse than they are. BLAH!
> 
> I see your ticker says 8 days till testing....I hope its a good outcome. It is a bit strange that everything you are feeling is the same as when you were pregnant with Mateo! Just keep everything crossed this is it!Click to expand...

8 LONG days! I think it's strange to have the same symptoms as well but I can't help wondering if I'm dreaming them up more than actually having them :dohh:


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> Well tomorrow is the day! We brought flowers and oasis today and made our own floral tributes. We did a teddy bear from myself and OH made from white flowers (think they are crysantimums - sorry cant spell & I'm no florist so I might have just made that up!) I am dreading it and just want to fast forward all the way through tomorrow. I know the service will be nice as we have chosen some lovely songs. I just dread seeing the caskett, something that small should never have to be seen in a crematorium. Will give you an update tomorrow.

Will be thinking of you sweetie. I know that it will be a difficult time, but it will give you a lot of closure and it will be one more step in looking toward the future. I know it will be a beautiful ceremony filled with love.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Bride2b said:


> Well tomorrow is the day! We brought flowers and oasis today and made our own floral tributes. We did a teddy bear from myself and OH made from white flowers (think they are crysantimums - sorry cant spell & I'm no florist so I might have just made that up!) I am dreading it and just want to fast forward all the way through tomorrow. I know the service will be nice as we have chosen some lovely songs. I just dread seeing the caskett, something that small should never have to be seen in a crematorium. Will give you an update tomorrow.
> 
> Hope everyone is ok, all those you are on the TWW my fingers are crossed for you, all you rainbow makers hope you are all well and little ones getting bigger! And to everyone else who is WTT or taking a break make sure you are taking good care of yourselves and hope you are all ok at this time of year xxx

Thinking of you friend..... :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Bride2b said:


> Well tomorrow is the day! We brought flowers and oasis today and made our own floral tributes. We did a teddy bear from myself and OH made from white flowers (think they are crysantimums - sorry cant spell & I'm no florist so I might have just made that up!) I am dreading it and just want to fast forward all the way through tomorrow. I know the service will be nice as we have chosen some lovely songs. I just dread seeing the caskett, something that small should never have to be seen in a crematorium. Will give you an update tomorrow.
> 
> Hope everyone is ok, all those you are on the TWW my fingers are crossed for you, all you rainbow makers hope you are all well and little ones getting bigger! And to everyone else who is WTT or taking a break make sure you are taking good care of yourselves and hope you are all ok at this time of year xxx

Thinking of you and yours. Sending much love XOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Well, I'm going to be away over Christmas so I wont be posting til next week. I'd just like to wish all of you a very Happy Christmas. You've all made such a difference to me over these past few months and I am so glad to have met you. To those TTC, sending plenty of baby dust your way, to those baking rainbows, stay healthy and happy and put your feet up! Will be keeping you all in my thoughts this Christmas.

Sending very special Christmas wishes to all our angels - to Emma, Mateo, Ava, Hadlee, Max, Lily, Eve & Megan, Bud, Jakob, Ethan & Hayden, Emily, Maya, Jayvian, Ella & Lilly, Bertie, and my little Thomas. You are all so very much missed. :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Well, I'm going to be away over Christmas so I wont be posting til next week. I'd just like to wish all of you a very Happy Christmas. You've all made such a difference to me over these past few months and I am so glad to have met you. To those TTC, sending plenty of baby dust your way, to those baking rainbows, stay healthy and happy and put your feet up! Will be keeping you all in my thoughts this Christmas.
> 
> Sending very special Christmas wishes to all our angels - to Emma, Mateo, Ava, Hadlee, Max, Lily, Eve & Megan, Bud, Jakob, Ethan & Hayden, Emily, Maya, Jayvian, Ella & Lilly, Bertie, and my little Thomas. You are all so very much missed. :hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Thank you so much... Merry Christmas and a healthy and happy New Year..XOXOXO


----------



## OliveBay

Bride2b said:


> Well tomorrow is the day! We brought flowers and oasis today and made our own floral tributes. We did a teddy bear from myself and OH made from white flowers (think they are crysantimums - sorry cant spell & I'm no florist so I might have just made that up!) I am dreading it and just want to fast forward all the way through tomorrow. I know the service will be nice as we have chosen some lovely songs. I just dread seeing the caskett, something that small should never have to be seen in a crematorium. Will give you an update tomorrow.

Hope it went ok. Have been thinking about you lots today :hugs:


----------



## blav

Hellylou said:


> Well, I'm going to be away over Christmas so I wont be posting til next week. I'd just like to wish all of you a very Happy Christmas. You've all made such a difference to me over these past few months and I am so glad to have met you. To those TTC, sending plenty of baby dust your way, to those baking rainbows, stay healthy and happy and put your feet up! Will be keeping you all in my thoughts this Christmas.
> 
> Sending very special Christmas wishes to all our angels - to Emma, Mateo, Ava, Hadlee, Max, Lily, Eve & Megan, Bud, Jakob, Ethan & Hayden, Emily, Maya, Jayvian, Ella & Lilly, Bertie, and my little Thomas. You are all so very much missed. :hugs:

Aww, thank you so much :hugs::hugs: I hope you have a great Christmas away and we will be excited to hear from you when you return!!!


----------



## ericacaca

mhazzab said:


> I have a question for those carrying a rainbow (or for anyone else who has thought about this at great length like me!!)
> 
> for those who are past their 12 weeks scan - have you told the world yet or are you still keeping it quiet? And if you are still keeping it quiet, how long do you think you will do that for?
> 
> and for those still awaiting their 12 weeks scan - what do you plan to do when you get the all clear at 12 weeks?
> 
> All the people who supported us through the loss of our girls, already know about our rainbow, most of them have known for weeks. I have my scan on monday, and assuming all is fine, I feel a bit uncomfortable telling the world yet. But, it's becoming pretty obvious and hard to hide. And, I keep telling myself, there's no way I could keep it a secret until I get past the time I lost the twins (23w). I also think I owe this little one the same excitement I had last time. But I don't want to be constantly forced to have to talk about babies pregnancy etc, as I like to do that on my own terms these days if you know what I mean? Not sure what to do!
> 
> xx

Hello there... me again, checking in at last! I told my parents and a couple of REALLY close friends at 6 weeks. Just so they knew what was going on in my life and coiuld support me through the icky times! Believe me there were! Urgh. 

I had quite a few dodgy late mornings from MS/tiredness from 10 weeks, and my bosses found out then. But it was pretty much top secret until then. 

After the 12 week scan we've told people in our close friend's network but not like covered it all over Facebook if you get what I mean! The problem I had with baby girl last time was people not in the loop asking how she was once she left us... it was so sad and I never want to put myself or anyone in that situation again. 

I'm a teacher and never told kids that I was pregnant but spoke about baby girl when I came back after 3 weeks recovering from it all. This time I don't plan to make any announcments until bump is REALLY visable - and by that time I don't think I'll need to do any telling!

Some people have noticed bump already, which is nice. But I am just still so cautious all the time about getting my hopes up. I refuse to buy anything at all baby like until bean is viable in March. I even get edgey about buying maternity wear! eek! 

xxx


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## yazoo

Hi girls, 

Gemma you are in my thoughts today and I hope the day is kind on you. 

I won't be on very much for the next few days but I want to thank each and every one of you for being such great friends and a great support to me over the past few months. I honestly never thought that I could bond so much with girls I have never met. 

Here's to 2013. I hope it brings each and everyone of us much deserved joy and plenty of little healthy rainbow babies. I saw a rainbow in the sky today and 2 magpies flying under it. (Yes I am superstitious lol) I hope its a good sign. 

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years.. I know it will be very hard on us but we will get through it. I hope Jakob and all his little angels friends have a great time in heaven but I know they will be with us in spirit and in our hearts over the festive period. 

I love you girls. Ho Ho Ho. 
:xmas9:
:xmas12: 
:xmas16: 
:xmas3: 
:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Oops I'm a year ahead of myself. Its 2012 next year isn't it. :blush::blush::blush:


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## KamIAm

Merry Christmas Eve Eve Friends!!!! :xmas9:

I won't be on here much over the next week... Going to family's houses for the next 2 days and then on Sunday we're leaving for vacation for the week and New Years... :xmas8: I will be popping in occationally from my cell (if I can get a signal from the island...fx'd!)

You all take care of yourselves... Thank you for being such amazing friends.... 

Sprinkling loves and lots of baby dust to those ttc and sending prayers of comfort and safety to all those lil blessed rainbows and their momma's..:winkwink:

Merry Christmas and Have a Happy Safe New Years ..... Bring on some good times 2012!!!!! :holly:

Love you all!!!!


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## winterwonder

Just wanted to pop on and wish everyone a Merry Christmas :xmas8: and a Happy New Year, and i hope that next year is much better year for all of us, and hope that everybody gets their rainbow soon! 

Christine xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Hello girls :wave: hope everyone is well and I see there are some new BFPs :happydance: :headspin: here's hoping 2012 brings many more beautiful rainbows!

I tried to post this yesterday at 6am (hello pregnancy insomnia) but for some
Reason bnb is crashing my phone after 5 mins on the site so here
I am posting at 5am tonight and typing all this in an email before quickly copying it over :haha: my laptop is broken (hint hint Santa!)

So I had my scan on Thursday. It was the dating scan which is normally done at 12 weeks but I was only just 11, think it was done early due to Christmas. Anyway even though we've already had 3 previous scans I was particularly terrified for this one - it's where everything went wrong last time :( Thankfully everything is perfect with baby and he / she was practically doing sumersaults :haha: but the scan was not without it's complications! They found what they think is another pregnancy sac and after 3 sonographers and a consultant scanning me all agreed that it's a 'vanishing twin'. Which is probably the reason for my previous bleeding. It looks like the sac was there but no baby actually developed inside which I think is known as a blighted ovum. They said this should cause no concerns for healthy 'twin' and the sac will either be reabsorbed or I will have more bleeding and pass it. 

This has all made my head whirl. My consultant couldn't believe it! She asked if I planned a large family because I was certainly keeping them on their toes between this pregnancy and Emily! So we have another scan in 3 weeks time, 6 weeks time and the anomaly scan in 9 weeks time and we will take it from there! Hoping for no more surprises - just an easy ride now right?

I hope everyone has an easy a time as possible over the holidays :hugs: all our beautiful Angels are very much in my thoughts and I hope they are all together somewhere having some Christmas fun. X


----------



## Nikki_d72

Just popping on for a very quick one, as I'm at in-law's. I just wanted to wish you all as happy a Christmas as you can have, and here's to a much better 2012 for us all! I'm so lucky to have you all and really grateful for your company here. I hope all our lovely little angels have fun together. xxxx


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## mhazzab

Merry Christmas to everyone from me too, I hope the day is not too hard on you.

I'm so grateful to have met you all, you are amazing people who I am so glad to have in my life. :hugs:

Amanda I am so happy to hear an update from you, really over the moon for you that the scan went well. I'm sorry to hear what happened to the twin but am absolutely delighted the remaining baby looks healthy. Yay! It's a wonderful thing to see isn't it, I cried when my baby was jumping about!

Ive had trouble with insomnia at the beginning of the pregnancy although it better now. I bought a pregnancy and birth hypnotherapy relaxation cd last week which arrived a couple of days ago. I think it must be working as I keep falling asleep to it!(apparently that's good). I'll let you know in a few days if I think it's any good. I bought it as I was worried about the emotional side of pregnancy and giving birth again.

Merry Christmas 
Xxxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Just wanted to check in and say thanks to all of you for your kind messages for us yesterday and your thoughts. It all went really well and am really pleased that the service was lovely & have no regrets about wishing we had done it differently it was the perfect send off for my beautiful boy. xx

I'm glad the scan went well Amanda - sorry about the vanishing twin xx Its great to know that your rainbow was dancing about!

Everyone else - I know most of you are off on your holidays now, but I wish all of you a very happy & healthy Christmas xxxxxx


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## KamIAm

Merry Christmas to all my dear friends!!!!! Xoxo

I hope each and everyone of you has a blessed & gentle day! I'll be thinking of you and your lil ones.....

I am leaving for vacation today... Yippee! So I won't be posting as much ... We'll be back home about Jan 2 .... But of course, If I have a cell phone signal, I'll be checkin' in ... haha

Love you all soooo much! Xoxo!

Oh, of course... an update about my craziness.. Remember I said I wasn't gonna symptom spot and go crazy... Well, I failed! haha... and I"m sneaking a few pretty lil tests into my suitcase! hahahahahahaha : ))) 

Merry Christmas Girls!!! Xoxoxox!


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## mhazzab

Bride2b, I'm glad the funeral went well for you, I was thinking of you :hugs:

Kelly I hope you enjoy your holidays, you deserve it. say hi to the dolphins for me :)

Everyone else, I hope the day was / is gentle on you. I've shed many tears today for my parents, my beautiful Eve and Megan, and all their angel friends.

Hubby bought me a beautiful necklace with two butterflies on it. I was so touched at the thought (not only is it a beautiful necklace, but the fact he thought to get it was so sweet and touching). Of course I cried when I opened it, but he said he was expecting that, lol! 

It's only 7.30pm here but I have had enough of the day, very emotional and so I have got my new pjs on and im heading to bed! Love you all xx


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## blav

Hi ladies, just a quick check in to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! I hope the day has not been too rough to get through. Wishing us all lots of baby dust and healthy rainbows for next Christmas!


----------



## blav

Well, I couldn't resist poas even though my gut tells me we're out this month. Not surprisingly I got a :Bfn: Blah, I hate seeing that one evil line!


----------



## mhazzab

blav said:


> Well, I couldn't resist poas even though my gut tells me we're out this month. Not surprisingly I got a :Bfn: Blah, I hate seeing that one evil line!

it's hard not to POAS when you know they are just sitting in the bathroom, lol. I started about 5dpo I think, only because they were cheapies though.

awww booo for the BFN. Still early yet though, I got mine at 10/11dpo, there hadn't been any evidence of a line the morning before. I was genuinely surprised when I saw the line.

xxx


----------



## blav

mhazzab said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> Well, I couldn't resist poas even though my gut tells me we're out this month. Not surprisingly I got a :Bfn: Blah, I hate seeing that one evil line!
> 
> it's hard not to POAS when you know they are just sitting in the bathroom, lol. I started about 5dpo I think, only because they were cheapies though.
> 
> awww booo for the BFN. Still early yet though, I got mine at 10/11dpo, there hadn't been any evidence of a line the morning before. I was genuinely surprised when I saw the line.
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

Ahh, well that does make me feel better. OH is so understanding...even if he thinks I'm a nutter he totally goes along with everything I say and do, reassuring me. I think I'll wait a few more days before I test again, especially because we don't even know if I ovulated this month so it might be a little far fetched that I'm even testing!


----------



## dnlfinker

First day of the second missed period and no lovely AF. Let the waiting game continue!


----------



## kiki04

CD 42 for me here! :dohh:


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## dnlfinker

When was the last time you tested? are you planning on testing again?

Have not been here as much . Sorry if yu mnetioned it before!


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## kiki04

Well I tested last week but because I chart, and I have had a pg chart before, I havent tested again because it just doesnt show any biphasic pattern. :shrug: If I get my next order of OPK's and HPT'S I ordered off ebay in the next few days I will test then but I honestly have no desire to test due to my chart looking so crappy :shrug:


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## kiki04

OK curiosity got the best of me and I used my last test, at 10:30 at night and it was a :bfn: If I WAS pg... by cd42 it should show at ANY time of day so yeah... I'm out for sure... but thats OK :thumbup: All I want now is for AF to just show up because I know I am not pg...

I just did a manual override on my chart marking cd38 as a "potential" OV.... lets see if AF shows around CD50-51 to give me a 14 day LP :shrug:


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## winterwonder

Morning Ladies!

I hope everyone had a gentle Christmas, ours went quite well actually as we both had the morning together before seeing any family so we chatted/ i cried about bud and then just watched movies till the afternoon.

we almost slipped up about our rainbow as my mum asked if my af had showed up yet, i was just going to say yeah everythings fine now so she'd stop asking but oh said it still hadnt returned before i could open my mouth, and i just didnt know what to say, but my mum didnt noticed and just went on at me for not going to the doctors about it! 

anyways lots of christmas :dust: to everyone!

christine xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Just checking in, sorry I have not been here. I am over the Christmas thing and ready to get on with my life . I hate the holidays and I am glad they are over :cry::cry::cry: Had a terrible Christmas and I decided today I am not spending New Years with my husbands family. I am going to say I am sick and I am staying home with my youngest son. I just don't want to be with these people.
I love you all and I hope everyone is ok and i pray 2012 we all get our :bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Aww! Andrea .. I'm sending huge hugs to you Hon' .. You do what you need...xoxo

Hi everyone!! I'm checking in on my cell ... We have a signal!!! Woot! Woot! We arrived yesterday afternoon... Ahhh! Just what my family needed... Peace, relaxation and fun!

Hope everyone is hanging in there : ) I'm 9dpo and I forgot to bring hpt! Hahah! sooo guess I won't be testing, which was a blessing... Well just wait and see : ))

Love you all and hope you all are smiling : ) Muah! Xoxo!


----------



## blav

Andypanda6570 said:


> Just checking in, sorry I have not been here. I am over the Christmas thing and ready to get on with my life . I hate the holidays and I am glad they are over :cry::cry::cry: Had a terrible Christmas and I decided today I am not spending New Years with my husbands family. I am going to say I am sick and I am staying home with my youngest son. I just don't want to be with these people.
> I love you all and I hope everyone is ok and i pray 2012 we all get our :bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp::bfp: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I'm glad the holidays are over too. It's too bad you can't spend New Years with them, but if you're more comfortable at home as they've not been understanding then I think you're right in staying home. I'll be at work. Ew.

Winterwonder--that is too funny about what your mom said...typical mom!!!

KamIam-I WISH I didn't have any HPT, took one yesterday and today, both painfully neg! Gonna just wait and see if AF shows up. I feel like I have a lot of the symptoms I did from last time, but I also wonder if I'm almost "making" myself have them!


----------



## Hellylou

Hi all - hope you all had a nice Christmas. Mine was very pleasant, with lots of family. Lots of eating, drinking, singing and games. I only got a bit emotional in the morning when I lit a candle, but after that I was pretty ok. Kids loved their pressies, and were so excited, and I got some lovely gifts. So in all, a very good day. I have eaten so much over the last few days, I feel like I need to do a serious detox! 

:hugs:


----------



## collie_crazy

Hello girls :hugs: I hope everyones christmas was as easy and peaceful as it could be. 

Christmas eve I got really upset, I wrote a long letter to Emily and cried myself to sleep. I'm really struggling right now, its only a few days to her due date and I just feel like I am not coping. I dont see my psychologist again until the 10th and I really wish I could speak to her now, but she is off until then. 

My mum, sister and I went to the grave on Christmas morning and put down some fresh flowers and wished Emily a merry christmas. I've never seen the cemetery look so busy. There were so many parents there visiting there little angels it made my heart break even more. 

I managed through the rest of the day and even received some lovely gifts 'for' Emily - my aunt gave me a personalised christmas bauble with her name and date on it and a picture of an angel in pink and OHs parents gave us an angel ornament. We told OHs family about our rainbow on christmas day as well so there were a few tears! 

On boxing day my sister told us that she is 5 weeks pregnant and I just cant make myself be happy for her. She has only been with her current partner for 5 months and he is very controlling - the baby was very much an accident. He doesnt work, she is low paid and I have no idea how they will cope. 

But on a selfish note I am struggling enough as it is with anxiety over this pregnancy and now I cant get the thought out of my head that if I lose this baby and she goes on to have hers how hard that will be. Its hard enough just now with my colleague in work who is due just after I was with Emily but this is a million times worse. 

I look to the future and I cant picture me holding a baby... all I see is another coffin and another grave :cry::cry::cry:


----------



## kiki04

Oh huney :cry: I certainly dont see another coffin or another grave for any of us :hugs: I am so sorry the holidays were hard on you but it sounds like you have some wonderful support around you and that makes me so happy :hugs: The build up to the due date is very difficult, I found it harder then the actual day for some reason... I hope the next few weeks are gentle on you and I just know you will be holding your sweet newborn in no time :hugs:


----------



## mhazzab

collie_crazy said:


> Hello girls :hugs: I hope everyones christmas was as easy and peaceful as it could be.
> 
> Christmas eve I got really upset, I wrote a long letter to Emily and cried myself to sleep. I'm really struggling right now, its only a few days to her due date and I just feel like I am not coping. I dont see my psychologist again until the 10th and I really wish I could speak to her now, but she is off until then.
> 
> My mum, sister and I went to the grave on Christmas morning and put down some fresh flowers and wished Emily a merry christmas. I've never seen the cemetery look so busy. There were so many parents there visiting there little angels it made my heart break even more.
> 
> I managed through the rest of the day and even received some lovely gifts 'for' Emily - my aunt gave me a personalised christmas bauble with her name and date on it and a picture of an angel in pink and OHs parents gave us an angel ornament. We told OHs family about our rainbow on christmas day as well so there were a few tears!
> 
> On boxing day my sister told us that she is 5 weeks pregnant and I just cant make myself be happy for her. She has only been with her current partner for 5 months and he is very controlling - the baby was very much an accident. He doesnt work, she is low paid and I have no idea how they will cope.
> 
> But on a selfish note I am struggling enough as it is with anxiety over this pregnancy and now I cant get the thought out of my head that if I lose this baby and she goes on to have hers how hard that will be. Its hard enough just now with my colleague in work who is due just after I was with Emily but this is a million times worse.
> 
> I look to the future and I cant picture me holding a baby... all I see is another coffin and another grave :cry::cry::cry:

oh Amanda...I feel the same as you, I am really struggling this week. I miss my parents and I miss my babies, this past week has been awful, I can't wait till the festive season is over. I can't imagine having to deal with my due date coming up as well, that must make it even harder for you.

I'm glad your mum and sister came to Emily's grave with you, it must be comforting to know that they still care. I think that's part of my problem - it feels like nobody remembers my babies any more, it makes me sad. On xmas day my MIL was joking about how my niece is her favourite grandchild, but once my baby comes along there will be some competition as then there will be two (actually, the thought of that made me angry but that's another story). I just wanted to scream that I already had two babies and they are her grandchildren too. I know she didn't mean any harm but I was so hurt. I'm so glad I refused to have dinner there, we only stayed for an hour, it was more than enough. I just feel extra sensitive this week to everything people say, I just want to hide away till next week.

That was so lovely that you received some gifts for Emily too :hugs: 

As for what you say about your sister - I have the same problem. Once I announced my pregnancy to my family, my brother told me his wife was also pregnant, a month ahead of me, they had been keeping it from me. I'm ashamed to say I have struggled to deal with the concept of it, and with a couple of other people in my office who are also pregnant. Of couse, I would never wish any harm on them, but, like you, I'm expecting the worst to happen and am already thinking ahead - how will I cope being around these people if I lose my baby again and they get to hold theirs? It feels like everyone else around me has easy pregnancies and get to take their babies home, they get to be carefree while I worry sick it will happy again. I feel terrible for having these thoughts but I think it's natural, and I just wanted you to know you are not the only one feeling this way.


xxxx


----------



## MummyStobe

Hi everyone I hope the Christmas Holidays were kind to you all.
We spent a lovely day with family but once we got home and it was just me and Mark, the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop the tears, been a bit weepy ever since, think it's because my due date is approaching (New Years Eve). Roll on 2012 and a fresh start. On a more positive note I had my letter through today for my first consultant appointment on 11th January, hope my scan date letter is following closely behind.

Amanda sorry to hear about the vanishing twin but I'm really pleased that the rest of your scan went well and that they are going to be keeping a close eye on you. Don't be hard on yourself for how you are feeling about your sister announcing her pregnancy, I felt exactly the same when my little sister told me she was pregnant (although my circumstances were a bit different back then - about 18 months ago) it took me a long time to work through my jealousy. Give yourself time, you'll get used to the idea that you're going to be an auntie as well as a mummy.

Sorry for those of you who have recently had bfn. Keeping my fingers crossed that we'll see lots more bfp in 2012. Sending :dust: to everyone ttc.


----------



## OliveBay

Hi all, just wanted to pop in and say that I'm back from visiting family over Christmas. Think it'll take me a couple of days to catch up with all the new posts, but just wanted to send everyone some love and support, and say that I hope everyone has got through the holidays ok so far :hugs:


----------



## feeble

Hi everyone x 

Bit of a bittersweet Christmas for us. I was so excited getting everything ready for J and then it came and I realised (as I have so often this last few weeks) that I hav been trying to hide myself in stuff and things to do rather than allow this awful grief to consume me

And I cannot let it consume me, I need to stay strong for my son

I am growing another baby now and we know that there is nothing we could hav done to change what happened to our angel, but I am still so worried and confused

She would have been due on the 18th jan, I am dreading jan and so glad I am pregnant again. I will be 8 weeks on her due date. Still so fragile. 

Liam kept asking me 'what's wrong' and I wanted to slap him 'I lost my baby, now you keep bugging me about what's the matter, is it not obvious'! 

I cannot wait to just say goodbye to this year... Next year will be about life and love I hope so much 

I thought today about how I would have to explain to jasper and my other children why I am sometimes sad in September. I just feel bruised inside, that's how it feels x


----------



## OliveBay

feeble said:


> She would have been due on the 18th jan, I am dreading jan and so glad I am pregnant again. I will be 8 weeks on her due date. Still so fragile.

I totally understand how you're feeling. Your dates for your loss and your new pregnancy sound pretty similar to mine. These constant mixed emotions are really something to contend with aren't they? :hugs:

I'm feeling rather panicky today. After going to the toilet this morning I had a small amount of light pinky spotting. It seems to have stopped now, but I'm so scared it might be a sign of something bad......:cry: Please please please don't let me lose this one. Its so hard to stay hopeful and positive. It just feels so unfair that getting pregnant has been really easy for me both times, but that's only half the battle. Just trying to think positive and keeping all fingers and toes crossed for good times ahead for all of us.


----------



## feeble

I had light spotting with j and he was fine, it was around 5/6 weeks 

I honestly wouldn't worry, spotting is really, really common x 

So hard though isn't it, seeing and the tri 1 women saying 'I just need to get to my 12 week and it will all be okay' and for me I don't even think I will feel that at the 20 week :( 

Ae you having an early scan? I have one at 7 weeks on the 5th x 

Nice to meet you olive, I did wonder if there was anyone else who had been through the same and was pregnant again x


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## mhazzab

Sally (hope i got your name right my memory is terrible right now lol!!) please try not to panic about the bleeding (easier said than done I know) there have been a few rainbow pregnancies beginning in here over the last few weeks and if I remember rightly almost everyone has had bleeding around that time and little baby is still growing.
Do you know if you are getting an early scan?

Feeble- welcome here and congrats on your rainbow pregnancy. How are you feeling about it? 

I'm 14 weeks along, I lost my twins at 23 weeks. I keep telling myself I can relax when I get to 24 weeks but I don't think I ever will until I get to see a healthy crying baby. 
Seems like forever away right now. 
We will all support each other through this xx


----------



## feeble

14 weeks in seems so far along to me at the moment! 

I hope everything goes beautifully for you x


----------



## OliveBay

Thanks for the reassurance, it helps to hear words of comfort and reassurance. I've read that spotting is normal but never had any last time so it just freaked me out a bit.

Feeble, I've just read your story on your thread. I'm glad you've joined us here - it really helps to have other people to share this journey with. There are quite a few other ladies here who are pregnant again, some quite soon after their loss just like us. I've not told anyone we're expecting again yet, so its great to have someone to share the worries with. I want to wait until after my due date in January, so people don't think I've forgotten about my little angel, and so everyone else gives him the recognition and remembrance that he deserves.

And yes, Mhairi you got it right! It is so hard to remember peoples names isn't it?!

I think i should get an early scan - when we went back to the hospital for our results with the consultant she mentioned that we would have an 8week scan. I already contacted my midwife (phoned her directly rather than going via my GP this time) and she's coming to do my booking in visit at 6 weeks, so hopefully I'll get the scan sorted after that.


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## feeble

I can't get hold of my midwife for love nor money


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## OliveBay

feeble said:


> I can't get hold of my midwife for love nor money

But at least its only a week until your scan :thumbup:
Can you leave her a message so she can ring you back? If not, maybe ask at the scan next week or pester your GP. Midwives usually do the booking in appointment around 8 weeks but as I'll be under the high risk consultant this time the midwife said she wanted to get me in the system as early as possible. Just keep pestering people if you really feel you need to speak to someone, or if you're more of a laid back kind of gal just go with the flow!


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## mhazzab

feeble said:


> 14 weeks in seems so far along to me at the moment!
> 
> I hope everything goes beautifully for you x

thank you :hugs:. Honestly, I never believed I would get this far. First, I was worried about an early miscarriage, and now I'm worried about a second tri one! I keep teeling myself that a second tri miscarriage is very unlikely especially twice, but, when they don't know what caused me to lose the twins it makes it very hard to relax. I just try to take it one day at a time, and celebrate each increasing week. I'm starting to believe that maybe it will work out this time, but then I get a voice in my head that says don't be stupid, if you start to bond, it will make it harder when it ends. think I will be a crazy woman by the time I get to 40 weeks!



OliveBay said:


> Thanks for the reassurance, it helps to hear words of comfort and reassurance. I've read that spotting is normal but never had any last time so it just freaked me out a bit.
> 
> Feeble, I've just read your story on your thread. I'm glad you've joined us here - it really helps to have other people to share this journey with. There are quite a few other ladies here who are pregnant again, some quite soon after their loss just like us. I've not told anyone we're expecting again yet, so its great to have someone to share the worries with. I want to wait until after my due date in January, so people don't think I've forgotten about my little angel, and so everyone else gives him the recognition and remembrance that he deserves.
> 
> And yes, Mhairi you got it right! It is so hard to remember peoples names isn't it?!
> 
> I think i should get an early scan - when we went back to the hospital for our results with the consultant she mentioned that we would have an 8week scan. I already contacted my midwife (phoned her directly rather than going via my GP this time) and she's coming to do my booking in visit at 6 weeks, so hopefully I'll get the scan sorted after that.

I hope you get your early scan, it really is such a relief to see the little beanie with a beating heart. I got my BFP just two days after my due date, but, if it had been before, I would probably have done the same as you and kept it to myself. I wouldn't have wanted to take any attention away from my angels in what was 'their time' if you know what I mean. I still feel a bit weird telling people. We haven't made any announcements, we told the people who supported us through losing the girls, everyone else can find out when they find out (and its becoming pretty obvious now, lol. Its actually quite funny watching people wondering, but too scared to ask - I think I'm cruel). But some of the people who do know, they seem to think that now everything is fixed, like a new baby is some magical cure for me. I sometimes get annoyed when they get excited, like it's disrespectful or something. My mind is a weird place sometimes!!!

I hope you get no more bleeding, and that it's just your little rainbow snuggling in deep xxx


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## Bride2b

Hey Sally, bleeding is actually common in early pregnancy & sometime throughout. Its hard to not to freak out (as I would be totally freaking) but keep the facts in mind that it is very normal just as the others have said. Hope you get your early scan for reassurance!

Mhairi (and all other rainbow makers), it must be so hard to try and stay relaxed, especially as most people relax after the 12 week scan, and for all of us there is not a chance of relaxing until the dreaded week of our last loss arrives. Its also catch 22, you want to bond with the baby but are so frightened to incase something dreadful happens. Its so sad that the magic of being pregnant and enjoying with has been so bitterly taken away from us.
I know I will feel a bit of relief at 12, then, 16, the 19 weeks (when I lost my little man) and then 20 weeks, and finally 24 weeks. But as you say only when we reach 40 weeks will we be able to breathe a sign of relief.

By the way :hi: feeble. I read your story and am sorry for what happened to you. Your post was very frank and honest, and I can understand some of the feelings and what you say to people isnt necessarily what you would really want t say. Its funny how when the time came for delivery I felt quite calm too from what I remember, its as though any grief you might be feeling is stalled and something else takes over. Congrats on your rainbow xx

Well for me I am waiting on my first AF after my loss, I am so hoping for a BFP at the end of Jan so would like AF to make her appearance soon (and hopefully before the 9th for the consultants appointment as am not sure if they do an examination - anyone know???) Had my last set of bloods taken yesterday for the post 'miscarriage' so thats out of the way, it just seems such a long process! Its very odd that I had a dream I was at the doctors and had some tests done and they said I was pregnant! It was so real!! Hurry up now :witch:

Hope everyone else is ok, I know there are some would have been due dates soon or just passed, hope they went/go as smoothly as possible :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Just popped in to say hi and wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year!
Mhairi' I can't believe you are 14 weeks already, how fast is this going :hugs::hugs: You will be on your way before you know it to having a beautiful baby .. Are you going to find out the gender? If so pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee tell me, I am dying here :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
XOXO


Everyone I wish you all BFP .. I am doing good and loosing weight and still planning to try in early February when I ovulate :happydance::happydance::happydance:

Love You All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## feeble

Baby girl would have been born on the 18th of January... So am feeling quite low this month 

So glad I am pregnant again though it's going to be hard to keep it from people! 

At least I got my scan on the fifth...


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## mhazzab

Andypanda6570 said:


> Just popped in to say hi and wish everyone a happy and healthy New Year!
> Mhairi' I can't believe you are 14 weeks already, how fast is this going :hugs::hugs: You will be on your way before you know it to having a beautiful baby .. Are you going to find out the gender? If so pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee tell me, I am dying here :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
> XOXO
> 
> 
> Everyone I wish you all BFP .. I am doing good and loosing weight and still planning to try in early February when I ovulate :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> 
> Love You All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

happy new year to you too...here's hoping for a better one than 2011 for all of us :hugs:

Yep, I can't believe I'm 14 weeks either! We are not finding out gender, both of us want to find out when baby comes out, I think I would like hubby to tell me. There's some debate at the moment over what's in there, hubby guessed correctly last time that it was two girls , and I was completely wrong. He's not committed himself this time yet! Whatever it is, it's pretty active anyway.

Aah I'm glad that you are managing to lose weight, your body will be in great shape for february, I can't wait to hear when you share some good news with us.

xxxxx


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## blav

Well, I'm feeling out this month...AF should be here this weekend. I've taken 5 tests and all neg. I know that there is still a chance but I've looked at the statistics and about 80% of pregnancy tests are positive at 12DPO. So, either I didn't ovulate, or not enough :sex: or just not the right timing. Guess we'll find out soon enough!


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## winterwonder

Hey ladies!

Well just been to the doctors to tell him i'm pregnant and had a nice lil chat with him about how weird it all was, we worked out that i'm due around the 20th August through some wonderful guess work by both of us (faintness of preg test, when i last tested etc) and i made an appointment to see the midwife but its not till the end of jan as she's only here on mondays and i'm not free til then.

hope everyone else is ok

christine xxx


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## kiki04

Bride2b said:


> Well for me I am waiting on my first AF after my loss, I am so hoping for a BFP at the end of Jan so would like AF to make her appearance soon (and hopefully before the 9th for the consultants appointment as am not sure if they do an examination - anyone know???) Had my last set of bloods taken yesterday for the post 'miscarriage' so thats out of the way, it just seems such a long process! Its very odd that I had a dream I was at the doctors and had some tests done and they said I was pregnant! It was so real!! Hurry up now :witch:
> 
> Hope everyone else is ok, I know there are some would have been due dates soon or just passed, hope they went/go as smoothly as possible :hugs:

I am waiting for AF to show up from an anovulatory cycle... and am currently on cd45!! Can you believe this crap?! So maybe if my AF shows up ANYTIME SOON! we will get our :bfp: together next month :happydance:


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## Bride2b

Let's bloody hope so!!!!!fingers crossed xx


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## dnlfinker

Joining your little waiting for af group. Two months now. The only prooblem is thatmy breast are hurting now and i cant seem to keep my eyes open past 10. I keep checking and still bfn!


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## Hellylou

Ugh, sounds like a nightmare, Nat and Krissy. I really hope something shows up, either way! :hugs: Gemma, hope she shows soon. Blav, don't give up. I think 12DPO could still be too early - are you sure you O'd when you did? It aint over til she shows, remember. 

AFM...well, it's unlikely, but there is a small chance this cycle for me...:blush: We weren't actively trying, but there is a possibility based on the OPK I did, and when we DTD, so we shall see...I don't want to get my hopes up too much, and I really shouldn't be trying again til my kidney consultant gives me the go ahead. But hey, difficult when you want something so much...Anyway, I am due AF on Jan 6th, so let's see, eh...


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## kiki04

Oh goodluck! I have everything crossed for you! :happydance:


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## blav

Hellylou said:


> Blav, don't give up. I think 12DPO could still be too early - are you sure you O'd when you did? It aint over til she shows, remember.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, you're right, it ain't over til it's over! Just so nerve racking. I actually don't even know if I O'd or not because the OPK never gave me a positive. OH and I just think it's weird that I wouldn't O because my period was so normal and I've always been very regular, but of course there is that chance. Just have to wait and see. I know I started testing way too early too, so set myself up for disappointment there a little. Keeping my fingers crossed that I did O and that my body is just making me wait on that BFP, I would love to be able to tell OH I'm pregnant on New Year's!
> 
> Also, today is exactly 2 months since we lost Mateo, so I've been a little sad. I should be 7 months pregnant now, sometimes I kind of forget that I'm not. Also, I called the lady at the hospital again about the pictures (that we should have had 6 weeks ago) and she said they got them last night so she'll be mailing them and we should have them soon. Also bittersweet. I'm glad we'll have his pictures finally, but it only makes everything more real (again). I told OH last night that it's almost like I relive the night we went to the hospital every night when I get done work because I drive the same road to our house that I did to the hospital that night. And, I had also just got done work the night we went to the hospital. :cry::cry::cry::cry:
> 
> You ladies are just so incredible and strong, you amaze me daily. I'm lucky to have found this place that makes me feel "normal". Thank you for all of your support (and the support I know you will give to me in the future). :hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...


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## Hellylou

Thanks. I think the idea of being pregnant again is very appealing, and then the reality of it if it happens will be terrifying. I don't know how you all feel, but for me, pregnancy is a journey - you are counting off the weeks, checking progress on little charts and books, looking at what the baby is like at each stage, and when it is so cruelly stopped in its tracks, with nothing at the end, the thought of starting the journey all over again is so very scary. I can't help thinking where I _should_ be on that journey right now, and yet I am either right at the beginning again, or more likely not on it at all yet. The weeks and months have somehow run away from me and I am nowhere. I should be so close to the finishing line, and I am not even at the starting block. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me? :fool:

I mean, if it hasn't happened this month, it's not the end of the world, because I really shouldn't be trying anyway, but it will feel like yet another month has slipped away from me.


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## Hellylou

Ah Blav, I'm sorry - the 2 month marker was just awful for me too. I was a total mess. 3 months has been easier, I can say. Not much, but easier. 

Anyway, I am sooo hoping it's a New Year gift for you both. :hugs:


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## mhazzab

Hellylou said:


> Thanks. I think the idea of being pregnant again is very appealing, and then the reality of it if it happens will be terrifying. I don't know how you all feel, but for me, pregnancy is a journey - you are counting off the weeks, checking progress on little charts and books, looking at what the baby is like at each stage, and when it is so cruelly stopped in its tracks, with nothing at the end, the thought of starting the journey all over again is so very scary. I can't help thinking where I _should_ be on that journey right now, and yet I am either right at the beginning again, or more likely not on it at all yet. The weeks and months have somehow run away from me and I am nowhere. I should be so close to the finishing line, and I am not even at the starting block. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me? :fool:
> 
> I mean, if it hasn't happened this month, it's not the end of the world, because I really shouldn't be trying anyway, but it will feel like yet another month has slipped away from me.

I feel EXACTLY the same, Helen. It makes me feel sad to see people who weren't even pregnant, or barely pregnant when I lost the girls, so far ahead of me yet I have so long to go. Sigh. I know that sounds terrible but it's true.

I will have everything crossed for you this month.

blav- fingers crossed you get some new years good news :hugs:

Xx


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## blav

Hellylou said:


> Thanks. I think the idea of being pregnant again is very appealing, and then the reality of it if it happens will be terrifying. I don't know how you all feel, but for me, pregnancy is a journey - you are counting off the weeks, checking progress on little charts and books, looking at what the baby is like at each stage, and when it is so cruelly stopped in its tracks, with nothing at the end, the thought of starting the journey all over again is so very scary. I can't help thinking where I _should_ be on that journey right now, and yet I am either right at the beginning again, or more likely not on it at all yet. The weeks and months have somehow run away from me and I am nowhere. I should be so close to the finishing line, and I am not even at the starting block. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me? :fool:
> 
> I mean, if it hasn't happened this month, it's not the end of the world, because I really shouldn't be trying anyway, but it will feel like yet another month has slipped away from me.

You're absolutley right, and I feel the same way as you, completely! For me, the time does slip away...it's like everything is a countdown to O and then to testing and I don't even know what's going on around me. Eeek.

And it's true, if it hasn't happened this month, it'll be okay. And my doctor said to wait two cycles and this is only my first cycle soooo, we shouldn't even have been trying but I agree that it will feel like another month gone. 

:dohh:


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## Bride2b

Do you know what this has just summed up how I feel. I cant help but track where I should be in the pregnancy which is no more. New years eve is 24 weeks exactly for me :cry: a date when I was in the hospital I kept hoping I could get to even though all my waters had gone. I was reading about waters that had broken at 19 weeks & with bed rest people made it to 24 weeks & beyond as they were hospitalised at 24 weeks. I think I torture myself keep counting the weeks. I also deleted all my iphone pregnancy apps, but then reloaded them (ready for when I need them again) and one had stored my info and gave me the dates of where I should be :cry:.

All I can think about is being pregnant again, as I just hope that it will help heal some of the pain, even though I will be totally shit scared! I know I cant bring my baby back & secretly hope I another boy as then there may be a slight resemblence to Bertie & I might get an insight into what he would have been like.....is this crazy or normal?x


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## Bride2b

Good luck Helen & Britney xxx have everything crossed for you (except my legs...sorry crude joke had to be made!!!)


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## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> Do you know what this has just summed up how I feel. I cant help but track where I should be in the pregnancy which is no more. New years eve is 24 weeks exactly for me :cry: a date when I was in the hospital I kept hoping I could get to even though all my waters had gone. I was reading about waters that had broken at 19 weeks & with bed rest people made it to 24 weeks & beyond as they were hospitalised at 24 weeks. I think I torture myself keep counting the weeks. I also deleted all my iphone pregnancy apps, but then reloaded them (ready for when I need them again) and one had stored my info and gave me the dates of where I should be :cry:.
> 
> All I can think about is being pregnant again, as I just hope that it will help heal some of the pain, even though I will be totally shit scared! I know I cant bring my baby back & secretly hope I another boy as then there may be a slight resemblence to Bertie & I might get an insight into what he would have been like.....is this crazy or normal?x

this is all normal...I spent the rest of what should have been my pregnancy counting where I should have been, it was a relief when the due date came so I could stop. Now I just think about how old my babies should be, sigh, it's neverending!

One of my apps still has the details in from the last pregnancy, can't get rid of them. These things certainly weren't written by someone who has lost a child during pregnancy.

As for a new pregnancy - it does help. It's totally normal to be obsessed with getting pregnant again (I certainly was!!). getting the BFP doesn't cure all, and does throw up a whole new set of emotional problems, but, feeling another baby grow and planning for the future again is good distraction.

xx


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## feeble

I feel glad I will be 2 months pregnant when my angel would have. Been due... I do pray it's a girl, because I bought such beautiful girl clothes and I gave away such gorgeous baby boy clothes thinking we wouldn't need them. 

But for now I cannot worry about that right now, just want a healthy bean and if it's a little Erik instead of a little Ivy-Mae then I will cope, and just make more babies lol! 

I just think everything happens for a reason and even though it's been rubbish, a big part of me believes that our little angel, they knew all along they were not destined for skin-side, they wanted to feel the unconditional, beautiful, warm and uncomplicated love of their mothers womb, it's all their little souls were ready for. They made that choice, to witness the love of humankind without the bullshit and we chose too, on some level or another, to allow them that at great cost to ourselves.

We always talk about how special our angels are and they ARE, but we are special too, we are the strong souls that went through the worst any human being could, in order to give them that unconditional and eternal love.


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## OliveBay

Just to update you ladies who saw my earlier posts. I've been bleeding and cramping most of the afternoon and evening, I think I've lost this one too. I'm not 100% sure, but there must only be a slim chance now that this will have a happy ending. Seems like my best Christmas present ever was too good to be true. Guess I'll be joining you trying again in a month or two. This is so sad and unfair. 2012 can't come fast enough for me now - this year has been the worst ever.

Sorry for the miserable post, just needed to get it out of my system.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for those of you trying and in 2WW at the moment x


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## feeble

Oh olive x so sorry x massive hugs x


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## mhazzab

Oh Sally...I'm so sorry. Have you phoned the hospital / your doctor to see if there is anything they can do to check what's happening, maybe check your bloods or something? It must be awful not knowing for sure what's happening. I will have everything crossed for you to get some better news.

Please keep us updated xxx


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## OliveBay

Thanks Mhairi. I did phone the midwife earlier and she said there was nothing they could do, just to get lots of rest. There's no point going to the hospital as they won't scan me this early as I'm only 5 weeks. I guess I just need to wait and see what happens over the next few days and then try to get some confirmation next week about whether I've definitely lost the baby. I'm kind of resigned to the fact that its over now but I'll still want to check, and I'll need to ask my midwife what happens now about trying again and check ups etc.


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## kiki04

Oh Sally :cry: I am keeping everything crossed they find a little bean next week who just gave mommy a scare :hugs: :hugs:


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## Bride2b

Thinking of you Sally xxx hope everything turns out ok xxxx


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## Hellylou

Oh no Sally, I am praying everything is ok. Is it heavy or light? Thinking of you, hun. Get lots of rest. :hugs:


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## OliveBay

Still bleeding, pretty much like AF now. I think that confirms that its over. I'll ring my midwife next week and see what I need to do next :cry: Thanks for all your support ladies, you're great x


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## Hellylou

Oh no, Sally I am so sorry this is happening to you. What a terrible blow. We are here whenever you need to talk. :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Sally, I am so deeply sorry this is happening, I wish I could just hug you :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
XOXOO. I am here if you ever need me :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## MummyStobe

Big hugs Sally I'm so so sorry you're having to go through this. You are in my thoughts :hugs: xx


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## kiki04

Any updates Sally? Thinking about you hun :hugs: :hugs:


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## blav

Oh, Sally...my heart just sank reading your post. I'm so, so sorry. How unfair for something like this to happen after everything else you have been through. :nope: All my love and hugs are being sent your way, please keep us updated.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Hi all, just getting a chance to log in now. I hope you all had a peaceful Xmas and it wasn't too hard. There was alot of tears here. It was very hard but we got through it. Sally I am so sorry that u r going through this. I hope and pray that everything is ok and your little bean is just giving u a scare. Your in my thoughts. Xxx I will catch up properly with the rest of u soon. I am on my iPod at the min so I can't look back over the posts. I hope your all doing ok. Xxx


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## winterwonder

Oh Sally, i am so so sorry hun, i am sending you the biggest hugs :hugs:, i hope its just a terrible scare. xxxxx


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## ericacaca

Hello there ladies. Gosh I am so sorry I have been so so so rude over the past few weeks and not said hello to all the lovely ladies that have joined this thread. Hello everyone. I wish all the best for you all and look forward to chatting to you in the future. I'm so sorry I've not chatted as much as I've wanted to - so much has happened, and when nothing happens I'm asleep! 

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas. Ours was easier than I thought it would be. I have a 3 month old nephew... and I only found out that he was born when he was a week old.... pretty long and hard story that I never mentioned cus that happened a couple of weeks before I started chatting on here again.... and so I spent Christmas day with Mum, Dad, Brother, his girlfriend and their baby. Hubby was on a night shift that evening so he had lunch with us and then went to work. 

My back is causing me so much trouble at the moment! Its more my leg though - its sciatica caused by a disc being inflamed. It was getting better but I had to stop seeing osteopath for a few weeks when I got my BFP. Then at the end of term a couple of weeks ago I over did it ALOT at work and it just got worse again.... I'm going back now for help but the pain is horrendous! Its not my pelvis, I've looked into that one, and I really hope it gets better soon - I really don't think I can teach in this much pain! :nope: 

Hope you're all ok ladies 

Erica xxx


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## OliveBay

Thanks everyone. The bleeding seems to be tapering off now, but its been nearly two days now so there must be no chance I'm still pregnant. Will let you know what the midwife says next week, I'll probably call her on Tuesday. There doesn't seem any point doing anything over the weekend as I'm not in pain and there's nothing anyone can do.

Sorry to be sharing this sadness with you all, but it does help to have people to support me through this. I've decided not to tell my family or friends about this early loss as I don't want to worry them, so OH and I are just trying to pull through this together, and I have to say he is being so great, bless him. I just feel bad that once again he's having to support me through such a sad, horrible experience.

Anyway, I think its about time we had some good news and happy posts on here. Hope all the rainbow carriers are keeping well and that the TTC'ers are having fun :haha:

Love and big hugs to all :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Just stopped in to say I am thinking of you all..Happy New Year!! :kiss::kiss:
Love you all...XOXOXOOXOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Hellylou

Sally, I just can't imagine. And of course you can share with us here whenever you have anything to tell us - happy or sad. It's what we are all here for. :hugs:

Me, I have spent all morning crying. :cry: We have been invited over by some close friends for New Year with the kids - it was meant to be just the 4 of us plus kids. Today we find out 2 other couples are coming with their kids. I don't know these people, and really wasn't up for spending New Year's Eve in the company of strangers. If I had known earlier I would have backed out, but it's too late to do that now, it would look rude. So I am committed to spending an evening seeing out the worst year of my life with people I don't know, who know nothing about what we have been through, and I am just so upset. It's not like it's enough people to make a party, so I can't exactly avoid them. 8 adults is an intimate number, except we don't know half of them! Ugh...can't wait for this year to end!!


----------



## ericacaca

OliveBay said:


> Thanks everyone. The bleeding seems to be tapering off now, but its been nearly two days now so there must be no chance I'm still pregnant. Will let you know what the midwife says next week, I'll probably call her on Tuesday. There doesn't seem any point doing anything over the weekend as I'm not in pain and there's nothing anyone can do.
> 
> Sorry to be sharing this sadness with you all, but it does help to have people to support me through this. I've decided not to tell my family or friends about this early loss as I don't want to worry them, so OH and I are just trying to pull through this together, and I have to say he is being so great, bless him. I just feel bad that once again he's having to support me through such a sad, horrible experience.
> 
> Anyway, I think its about time we had some good news and happy posts on here. Hope all the rainbow carriers are keeping well and that the TTC'ers are having fun :haha:
> 
> Love and big hugs to all :hugs:


And I'm going to just adapt this and say I'm really sorry that I think I read things wrong.....really sorry that you have to go through this but don't give up hope Sally. Ladies do bleed during pregnancies, it might be ok. Will be thinking about you. Lots. 

Erica xxx


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## blav

Oh Sally, honey...you've been in my thoughts so much. I'm so sorry for everything that is happening and hope that you get good news at your appointment. I know you feel it's probably far fetched to even hope at this point, but we will do the hoping for you. :hugs::hugs:

Hellylou-that sounds awful. I don't enjoy being around strangers at all really so I completely understand how you feel about this "party" Just think of it as the closing to a miserable chapter. 

AFM, another bfn this morning at 13DPO (I think). AF should have started today but nothing. Maybe I really didn't ovulate this month and the OPK was right. Or maybe I'm just a nutter and think about it so much my body has given up on me! :dohh: In any case, I'll be at work tonight for New Years (sad to spend mine and OH's first New Year as a couple apart).

I really hope this coming year is better for all of us. :dust::dust:


----------



## ericacaca

blav said:


> Oh dear, sorry this might not be your month :hugs: Sometimes our bodies can just go all over the place and cycles can be really irregular. Mine ranged from anything between 32 days to 40 days! Which kinda screwed my head around a bit. :wacko: Hope things start making more sense for you soon.
> 
> And I know how you feel about NYE away from your OH. My hubby is working on the ambulances until 11 tonight and it takes over an hour to get home for him! Just hoping that he doesn't have to do any overtime. I think the 999 call madness might happen after the new year....... so he might be safe and not have to do a later job than we want!
> 
> xxx


----------



## Bride2b

Helen - thats crap!! I would so hate that. Sometimes you end up having a good night when you really dont want to go.

Britney...thats crap hun, or you may have OV'd late, if not the new year is just around the corner and its going to be our year!

Erica - thats crap too! 

AFM, having a quite one really, as much as I want to celebrate getting rid of this shitty year I feel sad today as I should be 24 weeks! Cant help feeling if things hadnt happened when they did and my body held out for a few more weeks the doctors might have done something to delay labour....what if what if what if! Cant change whats happened, but I need to look forward to making my rainbow and doing my Bertie proud and show him what a good mummy I would have been to him.

Happy 2012 everyone, thank you soooooo much for all your support, I really couldnt have got through these last few weeks without you all.xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## ericacaca

Bride2b said:


> Helen - thats crap!! I would so hate that. Sometimes you end up having a good night when you really dont want to go.
> 
> Britney...thats crap hun, or you may have OV'd late, if not the new year is just around the corner and its going to be our year!
> 
> Erica - thats crap too!
> 
> AFM, having a quite one really, as much as I want to celebrate getting rid of this shitty year I feel sad today as I should be 24 weeks! Cant help feeling if things hadnt happened when they did and my body held out for a few more weeks the doctors might have done something to delay labour....what if what if what if! Cant change whats happened, but I need to look forward to making my rainbow and doing my Bertie proud and show him what a good mummy I would have been to him.
> 
> Happy 2012 everyone, thank you soooooo much for all your support, I really couldnt have got through these last few weeks without you all.xxxxxxxxxxx

Same here, can't wait to get out of this year. Baby girl would be at least 4 months old now - but I'm blessed to be having a rainbow baby - or blessed with another chance so soon. Not so blessed though that with my ever changing body after mc my disc started playing up and has now come back with a vengence! So I'm spending NYE feeling sorry for myself sitting in wierd positions to stop back and leg hurting (its sciatica) and counting the hours down to my next paracetamol! :nope: Hoping hubby comes back with gas and air from his ambulance! haha! xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Welcome back Erica! Sorry you are in pain but I'm very happy to see you are 16 weeks, wow! :)

Helen sorry your plans for tonight are making you uncomfortable, I would be too. I hope it's not too bad.

Sally, I'm so sorry for what's happening to you. I will continue to have hope for you until we hear otherwise, i know it would be painful for you to hope for the best so we will do it for you.

Britney I hope you either get a BFP soon or at least AF comes so you can get back on it again, so to speak!

Gemma, your Bertie is so proud of you anyway, I'm sure of that. Wishing for a rainbow for you very soon.

Writing this from my phone so sorry to those I missed as I can't look at the last pages.

I also know we have some angel due dates this week, thinking of you all. :hugs: I hope it's not too hard on you.

Oh, I also wanted to say, for those newer folk who have joined us, if you wanna be friends on Facebook send me a PM and I will let you know my true identity, lol! I won't mention anything about this secret wonderful place here if you don't!!

Happy new year everyone, 2012 will be our year, I just know it xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Oh I also meant to say...thank you so much to all of you for getting me through the last six months. It's been horrific but you have helped make it a little less so. I'm not sure where I would have been without you.
Love you all, I'm so glad to have met you (although different circumstances would have been nicer!)
Xx


----------



## feeble

OH just cheered me right up, was lying on our bed, listening to him read J his bedtime story and thinking about how i should be stroking my heavy baby bump and telling my little girl how excited we are to meet her in just 18 days. 

Instead i am worried that there will be a problem on my first scan, and that things are going to go wrong for me again... 

Liam came and gave me a cuddle and kissed my neck and told me he would make me ham and chicken pie and cauliflower cheese for dinner which is my absolute favourite meal! Its really cheered me up bless him. We couldnt afford any treats for new years (a bit over indulgent at christmas i feel :D ) but he is making me my favourite foods and the baby is happy... I should be grateful, i just hope everything is okay on the scan though i know i am going to worry through this whole pregnancy... 

just rambling now sorry xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Oh feeble that's so sweet, he sounds very thoughtful.

I remember being terrified going for the first scan, I was so scared they would find nothing there. But there was my little baby, looking almost like a baby. Such a relief.

I can't wait to hear from you after your scan to say all is ok. It's the 5th isn't it?

Xxx


----------



## feeble

it is the 5th yes, thank you for remembering, that has made me feel very welcome here and like someone cares thank you so much x 

i will be 7+2 so we should get a clear view of a heartbeat and everything. i am quite hoping they do a intervaginal one because we will get a clearer picture and i lost all modesty in my last pregnancy lol! 

I do hope there is a healthy, gorgeous baby bean in there. It will make me feel so much better because at least the nuchal cord issue is not something likely to happen twice (or even once really) so i can rest a bit easy (even though i wont, i will still just worry and worry)


----------



## mhazzab

Awww thanks :hugs: at least I got something right today!

I had mine at 7+2. He did a belly scan first, saw an empty sac, which scared the hell out of me as I knew what was meant to be there. He then sent me for a pee, (during which time I started crying) and when I came back he did an internal scan which showed my little monkey. Apparently I hadn't had enough water but too much breakfast, lol. My hubby was totally oblivious to the problem. Oh to be so naive...

I will have everything crossed for you x


----------



## feeble

well mine is at 11.25 so i will try and have an early breakfast and then not eat until after the scan. I am a big girl so they do sometimes struggle to get a clear picture! I almost think they should just always do an internal but i would feel a bit weird suggesting that...


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hello ladies, I've missed you all so much! There's no way I have enough time to catch up with all the posts right now but I just wanted to drop in and say Happy New Year to you all when it comes, if it hasn't already (depends where you are, hehe). 2012 has to be better for all of us. 

We had ours last night and just a quiet one at the house, we let DD stay up and we all went out and burned last year's calendar to symbolise saying good riddance to last year and starting fresh. A few tears were shed but there was a sense of relief that 2011 was over. I went through the calendar first to transfer all the imortant dates of birthdays etc onto the new one and had a hard time looking at July's page - midwives appointments and my scan date that I never made it to. It was hard to see the timeline of those terrible days mapped out before me and the happy innocent pages before with midwives appt's etc circled made me cry. It was quite hard to let it go but I'm glad I did.

Helen, I hope tonight goes OK for you, I would hate that too and would probably feign illness or something TBH!

Olive, I really hope it is just a scare for you honey, you'll be in my thoughts till you get seen and I'll be holding onto hope for you. xxx

P.S. I got a positive test on the day after boxing day but then AF started the next day - I read the test after the time though as we had to go out to the beach and I was still at MIL's so I don't know if it was an evap or a chemical but it really got our hopes up and then dashed again. It was a clear line and pink. It was a first response and I've never had an evap with one before so I dunno. Just a perfect end to a perfect year. 

I hope to get back on here and chat to you all properly soon, hi to all the new ladies. xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Hi ladies - Happy New Year! This is going to be a better one for all of us. It just has to be!

Nikki - welcome back! Missed you hun :hugs: I am so sorry about the test result - how utterly awful. :cry:

Sally, I am still hoping for a miracle, lovely. Thinking of you :hugs:

Good luck on the scan, feeble, hope everything goes ok. Will be thinking of you on the 5th, let us know how it goes. :hugs:

Well, I went to the party and managed 2 hours before finding myself in floods of tears in a side room and having to drag the whole family home again (an hours drive, and we were meant to be staying over, so my autistic son was screaming, I was crying, it was awful). The other couples were loud, raucous, not my sort of people at all. I felt instantly excluded. I was fine until they arrived, but quickly started to descend into quietness, and then got upset. I just knew I couldn't stay there any longer. I felt terrible, and my friend felt awful too, because she didn't realise how important it was for me to have a quiet NY. I thought she would have understood that, or at least realised that inviting their friends without telling us wasn't the right thing to do, but I guess other people just don't get how this affects us. To be honest, though, I would have hated it even if I wasn't grieving. It just wasn't the evening I would have chosen. We have other mutual friends and any of them would have been fine. So feeling pretty crappy, but my lovely family have cheered me up no end. They are so supportive. I don't know what I would do without them.


----------



## feeble

Oh sweetie, how horrid for you :( 

At least your home now and can just be at ease with your family x 

I wouldn't have been able to deal with that situation at all x


----------



## Andypanda6570

Happy New Year, everyone!!!!
Nikki, Glad your here I missed you :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:
Sorry to everyone who had a hard New Year. I could not wait for it to be over, I couldn't drink cause I had to drive. I actually felt better not drinking. :thumbup: I hope 2012 bring much peace to us all who have lost and hope to those who are trying and all the best of luck for a H&H 9 months to those who are pregnant.
I Love You All.. Thanks SO SO ,much for being there for me and for understanding my pain. You all are amazing :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MummyStobe

Happy New Year everyone.

Just wanted to say a big thank you for helping me through the darkside of 2011.

I really hope that 2012 brings each and every one of us everything that we wish for and dream of.

Love you all x


----------



## babylou

Hello all.

Just wishing you all a Happy New Year, and hope we all have a better year this time around.:hugs:

Thanks for all your support over the last few months, I don't know what I would have done without you all.:hugs:

xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hellylou said:


> Hi ladies - Happy New Year! This is going to be a better one for all of us. It just has to be!
> 
> Nikki - welcome back! Missed you hun :hugs: I am so sorry about the test result - how utterly awful. :cry:
> 
> Sally, I am still hoping for a miracle, lovely. Thinking of you :hugs:
> 
> Good luck on the scan, feeble, hope everything goes ok. Will be thinking of you on the 5th, let us know how it goes. :hugs:
> 
> Well, I went to the party and managed 2 hours before finding myself in floods of tears in a side room and having to drag the whole family home again (an hours drive, and we were meant to be staying over, so my autistic son was screaming, I was crying, it was awful). The other couples were loud, raucous, not my sort of people at all. I felt instantly excluded. I was fine until they arrived, but quickly started to descend into quietness, and then got upset. I just knew I couldn't stay there any longer. I felt terrible, and my friend felt awful too, because she didn't realise how important it was for me to have a quiet NY. I thought she would have understood that, or at least realised that inviting their friends without telling us wasn't the right thing to do, but I guess other people just don't get how this affects us. To be honest, though, I would have hated it even if I wasn't grieving. It just wasn't the evening I would have chosen. We have other mutual friends and any of them would have been fine. So feeling pretty crappy, but my lovely family have cheered me up no end. They are so supportive. I don't know what I would do without them.

I'm so sorry Helen. Other folk just don't get it at all, no matter how sensitive they may be. it's over now, hopefully we can all allow ourselves to look forward a tiny bit now. I'm glad your family are supporting you. 
xxx

Not much to report here - just feeling deflated and hating work more than ever - we did over 70 covers last night in a tiny place so it was hellish. There will be about another month or so of this to go, at least I've got a job I suppose but I'm really over it. The 2 days I have off in the middle, my MIL and her partner are coming so I'll get no rest really. It's time to ourselves I'm really craving - we've only had one day without being with other people in what will be 15 days by the end of their visit, it's all getting a bit much for me really - I'm quite a solitary person at the best of times. I'm pretty bitter that the one chance I had for a break in the whole year was spent with folk who allegedly came to see us because of what happened but then didn't even ask how we were doing. Now we've used all my holiday allowance and all our money up to come away more stressed than we went. New Year's Resolution - to be more assertive and practise saying no to things that don't suit me. (and lose 3 stone, start making jewellery again, drawing and painting again and have my rainbow - not much to ask, is it?!)

Hope you are all well girls, it's good to be back with you. Thank you all for the great support you've given me over these last 5 months, I genuinely couldn't have gotten though this so far without you all. :flower:


----------



## Bride2b

Does anyone else feel so impatient with waiting around to ttc /af / tww that it seems so bloody long & that you just want to fast forward time?

So this is where I am....5 weeks tomorrow since I lost Bertie, I stopped bleeding 14th/15th ish Dec (so 2 weeks ago) I dont expect AF will arrive anytime in the next week at least. I just want to fast forward a month to see where i'm at! This may sound silly but however much I want to be pregnant I cant get pregnant until at least Feb as I have a bloody £1500 wedding dress (thats very fitted to get into) I figure I wasnt really even showing at 19 weeks when I had Bertie, so as long as I am less than 5 months pg on my wedding day the dress will fit! Thats is I fall pg quickly (sooooooo hope I do). The other thing is that I havent done anything to not get pg since the bleeding stopped - am I stupid?? I feel I dont want to deny myself falling again, part of me thinks if things happen almost immediately my bloody dress wont fit but I dont want the pregnancy to not work out as a bit of revenge for me worrying about a dress (as a life is so much more precious than a dress). My mind is in overdrive....sorry ladies!

I am also playing mind games with myself, as I was convinced an IC caused this. Then a few days ago I went to the docs and he looked at my notes and saw I had been given antibiotics for a possible water infection 2-3 weeks before having Bertie, he said that might be an indication & could be brought up with the consultant as a possible cause. Nobody actually clarified I had a water infection (I just didnt feel quite right-could it have been my cervix starting to mess about). Anyway.....I am back on the IC trail and am convinced again that this is what caused this to happen. The doctor did tell me they are not likely to find a cause (hence him looking at my notes). In most cases ladies are diagnosed with IC due to finding no other cause in the 2nd tri loss. Obviously this has unveiled a load of questions about the next time round for me. Has anyone here been diagnosed with IC? (I know there is a thread on the gestational complications part about IC but dont feel I can really ask questions there yet as I havent actually been diagnosed with it.)

Sorry to waffle on......:winkwink:

Yay its 2012!:thumbup:


----------



## kiki04

I think Kelly had an IC so she should be able to help you out when she gets back from vacay :thumbup:


----------



## blav

Bride2be-I was diagnosed with IC...I know a good amount about it now if you have any questions!

AFM- :witch: has arrived! Which, I'm happy about for a few reasons. It means I almost certainly ovulated which I wasn't sure about, it means my period is basically the same as it was before the baby, and it means OH and I will be back to :sex: in a couple weeks!

Happy New Year to all you amazing, strong, caring ladies.


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, 

Happy New Year to each and every one of you. 2012 can only get better for us & I hope that all you dreams come true. 

I was greeted on New Years Day with the arrival of AF. :cry::cry: I had dreamt I was pregnant and was kind of getting my hopes up but it wasn't to be. So yet another month of trying & I hate it. I really thought I would be pregnant by now. On the other hand I am thinking maybe its better that it didn;t happen this month as it would be a lot to deal with along with going back to work. Also I have another follow up on the 13th & I will know for sure whats going on with my body after that. Hopefully next month will be the month. 

Nikki- Its so good to have you back. I'm really sorry about the test & arrival of AF. :cry::cry: I hope you can take some time out & destress. Sorry that the inlaws are stressing you out. :kiss:

Sally- I hope your ok hun. Thinking of you. 

Helen, big hugs to you. I'm sorry your NYE didn't go so well. 

Sorry I know I have missed loads but its 1.30 & I can't sleep and my brain is all mushy. :haha:

Oh girls a quick question- Have any of you noticed that your AF is more painful since giving birth? My back is in bits & it was never like this before Jakob. It seems each month the pain gets worse.


----------



## kiki04

My AF seemed to have gotten lighter since Hadlee :shrug: But that being said I would love to trade shoes with you right now! If AF showed up today I would be a happy camper so I at least could begin a fresh new cycle :dohh: CD48 and counting! :dohh:


----------



## feeble

After J, my periods were much much heavier and really far apart... Thats why we fell with our angel without meaning to! 

After the angel they got back to lighter/more reasonable quite quickly so I think it's just we bit of time that's needed after a full term birth for everything to settle x 

Having heavy periods makes you more fertile though, because the egg has somewhere deep and comfy to stick.


----------



## Hellylou

Tanya and Blav - sorry AF got you :cry: Here's to next month, though! I am sure it will happen soon :hugs: To answer your question, Tanya, my periods have been way more regular and 'normal' since I gave birth. Before I got pg, they were all over the place, heavy, irregular, spotting, etc. Now they are like clockwork with no spotting and only last a week. It's a miracle! I guess everyone is different.

Krissy - CD48! How crazy is that? Is it worth going to docs to get checked? Does it feel like AF is on her way at all?

Gemma - wish I knew more about IC, but I know plenty of ladies on here do. Hope you get some more info :hugs: And yes, I am completely impatient too.

AFM...I am trying not to get my hopes up too much here. I did a test yesterday and BFN. I shouldn't even be trying yet, and there was only one BD right around what I think was O. I really have no idea, but I am cramping like crazy lately and AF is due Friday. Trying not to symptom spot, but I have acne, sore bbs, and nausea. All in my head, I just know it. Why do we torture ourselves like this? If it did happen this month it would be a serious miracle. I am so trying to convince myself it didn't happen, but it's very hard not to kind of wonder...so AGH let AF just come and put me out of my misery here! I need to wait to see kidney consultant anyway...I'm so foolish. :dohh:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hey, has anyone heard from Susanne (Ellie10) ?

Tanya and Blav I'm sorry too that the witch got you. Hopefully 2012 will bring us all our rainbows.

GL Helen xxx


----------



## kiki04

Hellylou said:


> Tanya and Blav - sorry AF got you :cry: Here's to next month, though! I am sure it will happen soon :hugs: To answer your question, Tanya, my periods have been way more regular and 'normal' since I gave birth. Before I got pg, they were all over the place, heavy, irregular, spotting, etc. Now they are like clockwork with no spotting and only last a week. It's a miracle! I guess everyone is different.
> 
> Krissy - CD48! How crazy is that? Is it worth going to docs to get checked? Does it feel like AF is on her way at all?
> 
> Gemma - wish I knew more about IC, but I know plenty of ladies on here do. Hope you get some more info :hugs: And yes, I am completely impatient too.
> 
> AFM...I am trying not to get my hopes up too much here. I did a test yesterday and BFN. I shouldn't even be trying yet, and there was only one BD right around what I think was O. I really have no idea, but I am cramping like crazy lately and AF is due Friday. Trying not to symptom spot, but I have acne, sore bbs, and nausea. All in my head, I just know it. Why do we torture ourselves like this? If it did happen this month it would be a serious miracle. I am so trying to convince myself it didn't happen, but it's very hard not to kind of wonder...so AGH let AF just come and put me out of my misery here! I need to wait to see kidney consultant anyway...I'm so foolish. :dohh:

What would be the worst case scenario of getting pg before seeing the kidney specialist? If it is something that can easily be postponed I will keep my FX for a beaming :bfp: by saturday :thumbup:

AFM- I dont feel her coming really :shrug: But because of my charting, I have had 2 days down on the decline so I am guessing tomorrow they will drop below coverline and then within 2 more days AF should be here. I have no idea what went haywire this month. I have never ever ever had a cycle this long!!! I almost feel like there is some eery creepy stuff that has to do with this. Had AF come on time, I wouldnt have been able to try for the following (jan) cycle. But now that it has been so prolonged like this... I wont miss that window... AND by chance I do get it this month, I puts my EDD right around Hadlees. Within 2 weeks :wacko: Some higher power made this happen to me so I can get my jan bfp :rofl: Thats my random thought for the day :haha:


----------



## Hellylou

Nikki_d72 said:


> Hey, has anyone heard from Susanne (Ellie10) ?
> 
> Tanya and Blav I'm sorry too that the witch got you. Hopefully 2012 will bring us all our rainbows.
> 
> GL Helen xxx

Thank you. I was wondering the same thing. She hasn't checked in in quite a while..


kiki04 said:


> What would be the worst case scenario of getting pg before seeing the kidney specialist? If it is something that can easily be postponed I will keep my FX for a beaming :bfp: by saturday :thumbup:
> 
> AFM- I dont feel her coming really :shrug: But because of my charting, I have had 2 days down on the decline so I am guessing tomorrow they will drop below coverline and then within 2 more days AF should be here. I have no idea what went haywire this month. I have never ever ever had a cycle this long!!! I almost feel like there is some eery creepy stuff that has to do with this. Had AF come on time, I wouldnt have been able to try for the following (jan) cycle. But now that it has been so prolonged like this... I wont miss that window... AND by chance I do get it this month, I puts my EDD right around Hadlees. Within 2 weeks :wacko: Some higher power made this happen to me so I can get my jan bfp :rofl: Thats my random thought for the day :haha:

I don't think it would be the end of the world if I am pg before I see him. I have appt with kidney specialist on 19th Jan when we will be doing my next set of tests (checking protein leak and kidney function). I am not on any meds because he knows I am going to TTC again, but he wanted me to wait til New Year to see what my kidneys are doing by themselves with no meds. Last set of results in Oct were great, and that was with no meds and after my loss, so I am hoping the trend continues. The goal is to get my protein leak as low as poss before I get pg, because it will start to rise during pregnancy. If I am already pg, I think he will be unimpressed. But I would be very happy! 

Fingers crossed there is a higher power controlling your bizarre cycle, and it's all with an end goal in sight! Sounds v positive. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Helen - are you sure your out? How many DPO are you? Good luck hun xx

Tanya - :growlmad: for the arrival of the :witch:

Britney - glad your ok about the :witch:, its a countdown to the next ov now :happydance: hopefully we will get there about the same time (if she arrives for me soon). I just started an IC thread so maybe we can chat about crappy cervix there!!

Krissy - WTF???? :dohh: Say no more!

AFM I WANT TO BE PREGNANT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:cry::haha::growlmad::dohh::brat::hissy:


----------



## Hellylou

No, I'm def not out. I am not even due AF yet, I just tested early. I think I O'd around 22nd December, as I got a postive OPK on 21st and DTD on 21st, just the once, so I think my chances are there, but not exactly great. We shall see...


----------



## blav

Bride2be-I'll check it out. I hope that AF gets you soon! OH and I both feel really positive about this cycle so we'll see how it goes! I want you to be my pregnancy buddy (maybe I can will your period to arrive???)


----------



## Bride2b

Hellylou said:


> No, I'm def not out. I am not even due AF yet, I just tested early. I think I O'd around 22nd December, as I got a postive OPK on 21st and DTD on 21st, just the once, so I think my chances are there, but not exactly great. We shall see...

Ah man that sounds good....timing sounds perfect, fingers crossed!:thumbup:


----------



## Bride2b

blav said:


> Bride2be-I'll check it out. I hope that AF gets you soon! OH and I both feel really positive about this cycle so we'll see how it goes! I want you to be my pregnancy buddy (maybe I can will your period to arrive???)

Lets hope so!!!xx


----------



## dnlfinker

Hi guys, 

Its been over two months now with no AF and all the BFN. I am starting to wonder if it is 
possible that I was screwed up with D and E. Can it possible stop my cycle from commming anymore. I heard that its possible complication from the surgery , but could it 
be me? I am getting worried now.

THanks in advance
Nat


----------



## kiki04

Is a D&C the same as a D&E? Because I had the D&C and am in the same boat as you. My last AF was nov 15 :shrug: And I am not pg soooooo :shrug:


----------



## dnlfinker

I am sorry , I wasnt trying to scare you , its my thoughts running wild. I am trying to find the right doc right now who can take a look and let me know what is going on :)

I want to start being able to try again!

Nat


----------



## Bride2b

I hope you get answers Nat, the waiting must be doing your head in....and you too Krissy x


----------



## OliveBay

Nat and Krissy, here's a little AF dance for you both :happydance: Hope it makes AF show up soon!
:hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Sally how are you doing? :hugs:


----------



## KamIAm

Hellooooo Girls! :flower:

I just got home... a nice relaxing & fun vacation with the family was JUST what I needed! 

I have not read back thru all the comments, but after I get myself and everyone settled in I will... Hope everyone is well and all had a wonderful Christmas and New Years!!!

Love ya girlies!!! :flower:


----------



## dnlfinker

WELCOME BACK KELLY,

NO WE DIDNT FORGET ITS YOUR POAS TIME :) FOLLOWING YOU RIGHT FROM THE START :thumbup:


----------



## kiki04

That was my first thought too was "Kelly... its POAS time!!" :haha:


----------



## OliveBay

kiki04 said:


> Sally how are you doing? :hugs:

Thanks Krissy, I'm doing ok today. Had just a couple of bits of spotting today, but it looks like that horrible experience is over now. Overall I've had around 3-4 days of bleeding since it started, so am just trying to tell myself it was 'just' a chemical pregnancy (I was around 4wks6days) and that we can get back on with TTC in Feb - makes sense to give my body a month off, its had a rough old time over the last few months! I'm feeling generally more positive today, but still sad. I just want another baby sooooo bad and that is all I can focus on.

I'll ring my midwife tomorrow and see if I need any blood tests to check HCG levels or scans to check that everything is gone. Do any of you UK ladies know what (if anything) is generally provided after such an early loss?

Kelly, looking forward to your updates (fingers crossed for you)

Hugs to everyone :hugs:


----------



## dnlfinker

Please dont assume the worst even though it seems that way. Is it possible to do a sonogram and take a look now? It might be all ok! 

Nat


----------



## Nikki_d72

Sally I'm so sorry hon.

Welcome back Kelly!

Nat I'm sorry I don't know that but it certainly is worth asking your doctor. i hope you and Krissy figure things out soon, it must be so frustrating.

My in-laws are arriving soon so I'd better go and get the house ready, I'll be AWOL for a couple of more days till they've gone. Keep well everybody! 


xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Hi Sally, been thinking of you. Such an awful thing for you to go through on top of everything else, it is so unfair. Hope you get some answers from midwife and see where to go from here. Massive hugs :hugs:

Welcome back Kelly! :hugs:


----------



## OliveBay

dnlfinker said:


> Please dont assume the worst even though it seems that way. Is it possible to do a sonogram and take a look now? It might be all ok!
> 
> Nat

Thanks Nat, in fact thank you *everyone *for your optimism when mine has pretty much disappeared. There is a tiny part of me that still thinks 'what if you _were_ still pregnant? It might still all be ok' - that would be the best thing EVER, but after the amount of bleeding I've had I just don't think that could be the case. 

I love and appreciate you all sooooo much for your positive thoughts and supportive comments. I will obviously keep you updated over the next couple of days, but please don't expect a happy ending. :hugs:


----------



## feeble

Hey sweetie, if you have any opk's you can use them to check your levels x


----------



## Bride2b

Good luck Sally, hope you get some good news hun xx


----------



## OliveBay

feeble said:


> Hey sweetie, if you have any opk's you can use them to check your levels x

Yeah, I have a couple left over. I used one yesterday and got a pink line, but I'm none the wiser really as i don't know how strong/ pale it should have been. The line was definitely there, not really pale but not really dark. I might actually go and do another one now and see how it compares. Thanks for the suggestion. I have ordered more for the next round of TTC anyway so it doesn't matter if I use my last few this week :haha:


----------



## Bride2b

OliveBay said:


> feeble said:
> 
> 
> Hey sweetie, if you have any opk's you can use them to check your levels x
> 
> Yeah, I have a couple left over. I used one yesterday and got a pink line, but I'm none the wiser really as i don't know how strong/ pale it should have been. The line was definitely there, not really pale but not really dark. I might actually go and do another one now and see how it compares. Thanks for the suggestion. I have ordered more for the next round of TTC anyway so it doesn't matter if I use my last few this week :haha:Click to expand...

Let us know what happens! I dont know much about them opks (so may need educating) but hopefully will give you an indication of whats going on xx


----------



## OliveBay

Well, that poas didn't really help! Pretty much the same as yesterday, a pale-ish but definite line. I would have thought that by 5wks you'd get a dark line, but i'm not that familiar with using opk's as pregnancy tests. I guess the waiting continues...


----------



## feeble

Well I have been doing the odd opk every now and again to check... I have been getting dark lines (and I mean so much darker than the control its like the ink is being sucked out of the control line) for about a week x. I am 7 weeks x


----------



## Andypanda6570

Welcome back, Kelly :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Natalie, I don't think the D&E would stop your AF I would make an appt and see what is going on, don't try to figure it out yourself :hugs::hugs:
Sally, just wanted you to know I am thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Love you all and best wishes for 2012 :hugs::hugs::hugs::kiss::kiss::kiss:


----------



## Hellylou

Ok girls, just need to share this...I took a couple of tests today, different ones, and I see a faint line on both. It's still early, and I will test again tomorrow morning, but omg...


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Ok girls, just need to share this...I took a couple of tests today, different ones, and I see a faint line on both. It's still early, and I will test again tomorrow morning, but omg...

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Oh I hope this is it for you!!!!!!!!!
I am very excited for you..I am holding my breath that you get a :bfp:
Sending SO much love, Helen :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## kiki04

OMG I hope this is it for you!! :happydance:


----------



## mhazzab

Oh, Helen,
I really hope this is it for you...have you got a digi to try tomorrow? I find them so much more comforting, seeing the words!
I'll be back here tomorrow morning checking up on you :hugs:
xx


----------



## feeble

best of luck!!! How exciting i will be pleased to have more of us in Tri1 xxx


----------



## Bride2b

Helen!!!! OMG OMG!!!!!x


----------



## dnlfinker

Wow < omg omg omg<


----------



## Bride2b

Sally - any news hun? Been thinking of you today xx


----------



## OliveBay

Wow Helen, great news! :happydance:

Thanks for your post feeble. I would be 5 wks 4 days by now, so I imagine I should be getting quite dark lines then going by what you said. I did another opk this morning and got a similar looking line, pretty much the same as my last 2, so this makes me think my hormones aren't really going down much yet.

I spoke to a midwife this morning who said to take a home pregnancy test on Friday as technically It should be possible to get a negative by then as my bleeding has stopped (I haven't told her about my opk results, I'm almost too embarassed to confess that to a professional!). I have to ring her back after taking the test on Friday and if I get a positive result she'll arrange for me to go to the pregnancy unit for blood tests to see whats going on. She did say that it might not necessarily mean I've definitely lost the baby, but it is very probable judging by how much bleeding I had. Am still feeling ok about it all today, I'd just quite like to know whats going on. My bargain digis arrived today so I'm going to have to be really strong to wait until Friday to use one. I know there's just no point wasting one today, even if it is tempting! I just can't get over my poas addiction!

Hope everyone else is feeling good today. Hugs to everyone (especially those who are back at work today! :growlmad:) :hugs:


----------



## blav

Um, Helen, that is aaaahhhhmazing! Keeping my fingers crossed for you that you get a nice dark line tomorrow!


----------



## Bride2b

Oh Sally this waiting must be doing you in, there is nothing worse than being in limbo! You seem like you are doing ok and sound quite strong :hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Thanks ladies. I don't have any digis but I have a couple more normal tests. I will take one tomorrow morning with FMU (last one I took was this afternoon, and the line, although faint, was there within a minute). I am still not even due AF yet - it's due Friday, so I know this is really early days if anything has happened. But I think I O'd earlier than my ticker says, and conception would have been around 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I daren't really get my hopes up too much... If lines are still there tomorrow I may have to splash out on a digi.

Sally, I am really thinking of you. I can only keep everything crossed for a miracle here. Good luck x


----------



## Bride2b

Hellylou said:


> Thanks ladies. I don't have any digis but I have a couple more normal tests. I will take one tomorrow morning with FMU (last one I took was this afternoon, and the line, although faint, was there within a minute). I am still not even due AF yet - it's due Friday, so I know this is really early days if anything has happened. But I think I O'd earlier than my ticker says, and conception would have been around 2 weeks ago tomorrow. I daren't really get my hopes up too much... If lines are still there tomorrow I may have to splash out on a digi.
> 
> Sally, I am really thinking of you. I can only keep everything crossed for a miracle here. Good luck x

So if you O'd earlier and conception around 2 weeks ago these lines must be indicating that your :baby: as that would start to show up! I know it sounds a bit gross but cant you save your fmu and test once you get a digi to make sure?
I saved my fmu when I got my BFP only because I thought I'd wait and see if AF arrived that day as it was late....but thought at least I'd have the FMU if the urge to test got the better of me.....which it did, but not until the evening and I was home alone stewing on it!!! 

I so hope this is it for you, I'm really excited for you :happydance:


----------



## Tia30

Hi,

Did anyone else get told my midwives to stay away from the net as it doesn't always contain the correct info...

When I lost my baby (18 weeks 5 days) 10 days ago they told my partner I had a heart shaped womb but said nothing to me...They also said that a baby would need to implant on my right side as my baby didn't and wasn't getting the right nutrients...The trouble is it's driving me crazy wanting to know to what degree I have a bicornuate uterus. I have another 4 week wait for an appointment with a Doctor. 

Thanks


----------



## Bride2b

Tia30 said:


> Hi,
> 
> Did anyone else get told my midwives to stay away from the net as it doesn't always contain the correct info...
> 
> When I lost my baby (18 weeks 5 days) 10 days ago they told my partner I had a heart shaped womb but said nothing to me...They also said that a baby would need to implant on my right side as my baby didn't and wasn't getting the right nutrients...The trouble is it's driving me crazy wanting to know to what degree I have a bicornuate uterus. I have another 4 week wait for an appointment with a Doctor.
> 
> Thanks

:hi: Tia, glad you found your way over here, but not that you had to lose your buba to meet us. Yes I was told to stay away from Dr Google too as it isnt always correct, but when you have to wait so bloody long for answers I'm afraid you cant help it! I dont know anything about bicornuate uterus, but I'm sure some of the lovely ladies here do. If not there is so much support here which will help you get through all the ups and downs xx


----------



## blav

Tia30 said:


> Hi,
> 
> Did anyone else get told my midwives to stay away from the net as it doesn't always contain the correct info...
> 
> When I lost my baby (18 weeks 5 days) 10 days ago they told my partner I had a heart shaped womb but said nothing to me...They also said that a baby would need to implant on my right side as my baby didn't and wasn't getting the right nutrients...The trouble is it's driving me crazy wanting to know to what degree I have a bicornuate uterus. I have another 4 week wait for an appointment with a Doctor.
> 
> Thanks

I am so sorry for your loss :hugs::hugs:

There is a thread under Gestational Complications for bicornuate uterus, maybe that would be helpful.


----------



## winterwonder

Hellylou said:


> Ok girls, just need to share this...I took a couple of tests today, different ones, and I see a faint line on both. It's still early, and I will test again tomorrow morning, but omg...

Yay!!! oh fingers crossed for darker lines 2moro!!!


----------



## blav

Question ladies...for purposes of trying to calculate ovulation. Do you consider your first day of spotting the first day of your cycle, or the first day of an actual flow. For me, I had light spotting the afternoon/evening of Jan 1 so I'm not sure if I should count that as day one or Jan 2 when I actually had a flow.


----------



## Bride2b

I would say full flow day one,I never counted spotting as day one when I used CBFM as the instructions & general consensus is day one is when you have a proper flow. I know your not probably using CBFM but I would go with full flow as day one. Hope it helps x


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> I would say full flow day one,I never counted spotting as day one when I used CBFM as the instructions & general consensus is day one is when you have a proper flow. I know your not probably using CBFM but I would go with full flow as day one. Hope it helps x

Ok good, that is what I thought too, but always second guessing of course. I used an OPK last cycle and never got a positive but am almost certain I ovulated due to AF being on time so I decided not to bother this time. We shall see what happens!


----------



## Hellylou

Tia30 said:


> Hi,
> 
> Did anyone else get told my midwives to stay away from the net as it doesn't always contain the correct info...
> 
> When I lost my baby (18 weeks 5 days) 10 days ago they told my partner I had a heart shaped womb but said nothing to me...They also said that a baby would need to implant on my right side as my baby didn't and wasn't getting the right nutrients...The trouble is it's driving me crazy wanting to know to what degree I have a bicornuate uterus. I have another 4 week wait for an appointment with a Doctor.
> 
> Thanks

Hi Tia...I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It's such a terrible thing to happen. :cry:

It seems such a long time to wait for answers, I know. I had to wait 10 weeks for my follow up. It's strange that they told your partner about your uterus, though, so they must know some details already. Would it be possible to contact the doctors/hospital direct to ask about what they do know already? If they have told your partner already I can't see why they wouldn't tell you the same info.

I hope you get some more answers sooner than your appointment, and we are all here to listen if you need to talk about things. :hugs:


blav said:


> Question ladies...for purposes of trying to calculate ovulation. Do you consider your first day of spotting the first day of your cycle, or the first day of an actual flow. For me, I had light spotting the afternoon/evening of Jan 1 so I'm not sure if I should count that as day one or Jan 2 when I actually had a flow.

Yes, I would say day of full flow counts as day 1 of cycle. I did use OPKs last cycle but only managed to get a darkish line on the first day I did it, then it was completely negative the rest of the time, so wasn't sure if that was the end of a peak, or the beginning or what, but last 2 cycles I have been very aware of ovulation anyway. Sounds strange but I just knew.


----------



## kiki04

Helen have you tested again yet???????


----------



## feeble

Hello girlies I am feeling a bit glum, I hope your all okay xx x x


----------



## collie_crazy

Welcome back Kelly - we missed you!! :happydance: So jealous of your vacation - wish I could have been there! Glad you had a fab time :hugs: Just one question: have you pee'd on a stick yet? have you have you have you have you have you??????? 

Sally I am so sorry you are going through this - honestly my heart is breaking for you. I am hoping and hoping that everything is ok and its 'just' a bleed. Trust me I know how hard this is - if you remember I had a huge bleed that lasted days at 8 and a half weeks and another smaller bleed a week later. But now at nearly 13 weeks baby is still going strong - so miracles can and do happen :hugs: Thinking of you, hang in there. 

HELEN!!! Where are the pics! Let us peer at the lines pleasssssse. Honestly I am a poas addict and love looking at lines :haha: I think there is something wrong with me! OMG I am SO excited for you and just a few pages ago you were saying if you got a BFP it would be a miracle this cycle :happydance:

Tia welcome to the group. I am so sorry for your loss. My consultant actually told me to go away and do all the reading I needed to online but not to trust everyones 'experiences' you know the 'oh but have a friend who has a cousin who has a pet dinosaur who's baby did x,y and z' and to note down any questions that I found from the reading and take it to her. 4 weeks is a long time to wait for answers, is there anyway you can call your doctor before? Even if it is just to leave a message with the secretary and ask her to call you back - I'm sure she could give you a quick telephone consult to help put your mind at ease a little if you have burning questions. I cant believe they would mention something like that to your partner and then not explain it to yourself :hugs: Doctors!!!

Feeble sorry your feeling down :hugs: Anything you want to chat about here? 

Well girls I am nearly 13 weeks and still (pardon the language) crapping myself! I had lower back pains yesterday and was very uncomfortable, I then convinced myself that I was miscarrying and kept rushing to the toilet to check for blood. I even had a dream last night that I woke up in bed and was drenched in blood and when I sat up there was my little baby looking up at me :cry: My head is really all over the place recently - I think its a culmination of everything, the bleeding, the vanishing twin / blighted ovum, my sisters pregnancy, christmas, Emilys due date, reaching the time with this pregnancy where everything went wrong for us before. I feel like I am a ticking time bomb about to go off. Oh and I am counting down the days till my colleauge gives birth to her little girl - I want to 'hide' her on facebook but something is stopping me, on one hand I know how upset I am going to be seeing her pictures but the other part of me just cant bare not to look. I think a psychologist would have something to say about the stupid workings of my mind!!

Anyway enough moaning for one night! Love and hugs to you all :hugs: and floaty kisses to all our beautiful angels :kiss:


----------



## dnlfinker

I am starting to realize that i am getting too paranoid with getting pregnant. Its the topic i think about all the time. I dont know how to stop myself from thinking about it, its making me depressed. Should i just take the pill to jumpstart the af? I was so agaist it, but i cant do this anymore!


----------



## kiki04

How about a progesterone cream? I have been reading about it and I hear by rubbing progesterone cream around your bits it absorbs and triggers AF :shrug: If AF doesnt show for me in the next couple days I am going to see my dr. If thats the case I will let you know what she says :thumbup:


----------



## Hellylou

Hi girls - quick update before work...well, I took both tests I had, and still v faint lines on both! I was hoping it would be darker with FMU and the next day though, so I just don't know. I wish I could upload pics but I can't get my crappy camera to focus on them, and besides it's hard when I am trying to keep stuff like this from my near teenage daughter and she notices everything. I threw the tests away this morning not wanting her to find them!

So...it's buy a digi time and find out for sure. I mean AF isn't due til Friday, so I am thinking this is definitely the start of something, but I daren't hope too much. I'm so daft testing this early - last times it was always a case of "hmmm I wonder if...?" followed by a surprise positive test. I have never been this obsessed before or tested so early!

Amanda - sorry it's all so stressful at the moment. I think we will all need personal scanners to use every day, it's so scary. Come and join in with my crazy journey if it helps ease a little of yours. I think I am officially going crazy. And yes, a BFP for me this cycle is a complete fluke if it is. We only dtd once - all the other times were careful. Insane!:wacko:


----------



## Bride2b

I *think* AF is on her way!!!:happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

Hellylou said:


> Hi girls - quick update before work...well, I took both tests I had, and still v faint lines on both!

:happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

Bride2b said:


> I *think* AF is on her way!!!:happydance:

Just done a quick calculation...if I got pg this cycle I'd be 30 weeks when I get married :growlmad: theres no way my dress would fit! So will have to wait it out this month and try next month. I have decided I want to make sure I can wear the dress I have chosen as I found it after 8 months of searching 2 days after I got my BFP with Bertie, and I feel a bit like he helped me choose it (does that sound silly??) and I went and paid the deposit at 7 weeks pg. I guess I'm being sentimental :cry: I'm hoping if I get pg next cycle then I'll be 26 weeks (at a push the dress wil fit I hope! Hurry up February!!!!!!)


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> I *think* AF is on her way!!!:happydance:

YES YES YES!!!!!!

I really hope she is...I'm 3 days into my cycle which would put us both POAS around the same time so we can be budddiess! 

Come on :witch:!!!!


----------



## OliveBay

Yay Gemma, hope AF arrives soon. We can be TTC buddies in February - and Andrea too hopefully! Any more for the Feb TTC club?!

Helen, its still sounding good for you. Hope you get something definite soon that convinces you. I do love a good digi when I'm doubting the faint lines. I don't really trust anything else except seeing the actual words written there. Looking forward to more updates soon....

Feeble, sorry you're feeling down. Hope you're ok hun :hugs:

Hi to everyone else, hope you're all doing ok today and sorry not to mention you all by name - this is such a large family now. Big love to you all :hugs: 

Just to update you all on my ongoing saga, I did a digi this morning (I couldn't wait til Friday, if there is a stick in the house I just HAVE to pee on it!!!:haha:). I got a 'not pregnant' so that confirms it, this time obviously was not meant to be. I actually feel relieved that at least I know now and can move on. And although i am still a bit sad, I'd rather have a loss at 4-5 weeks than 22 weeks again like last time. I was dreading it dragging on for weeks and really didn't want to have to go for any tests or procedures, so maybe my body has actually been helpful in clearing everything out. I am so very tempted to TTC again this month but I think that would be a bit too soon physically - its probably best to wait til Feb. I just hope my cycle gets back to normal asap.

x


----------



## blav

I'll be in the TTC in Feb crew if I don't get pregnany in January!

And I'm sorry for your loss, but also relieved for you as well that you will be able to start again. That is one of my fears about being so psycho about TTC and POAS, when you find out you're pregnant so early, there is so much time for things to go wrong...just meaning that so many people have losses at early stages for one reason or another. I'd rather just not know until later on, if that makes sense.


----------



## kiki04

I *think* I can feel AF coming soon too... but it kind of feels like it for a brief moment, then goes away so I am not sure if that really is what I am feeling or not :shrug: Have to wait and see I guess :dohh:


----------



## Bride2b

Sally :hugs: but as you say at least it happened now rather than at 22 weeks. A loss is horrible whenever it happens, but I would imagine a later loss is more difficult as there has been so much more time to bond etc. I hope that doesnt sound insensitive - I dont mean it to be in any way. I hope your ok, you seem to sound cheery enough but just in case :hugs:

Hey TTCers of February 2012 - Sally, Britney, Andrea....and anyone else (sorry cant remember who wants to be trying!) lets do this & do it in style!!!! Was going to make a very inappropriate joke about doing it doggy style :haha: oops looks like I just did! Whatever style it is ladies we only want one result and that is a :bfp:

Helen - hope your ok & that you have been shopping for a digi! 

Krissy - hope AF bloody gets a move on!!!!

Sorry if I missed you....didnt mean to!

All the lovely rainbow makers :flower:


----------



## feeble

Olive, again I am so so sorry, it's wonderful to hear you sounding 
Positive, you are clearly quite a fantastic person and I am gutted your not my bump buddy :( 

Bride2b your dress is gorgeous but most wedding dresses are made so they can be altered a bit, I reckon if you found a good seamstress she would be able to give you a bit more belly room for it x 

I am okay today, feeling a bit nauseas which is good, need to eat but the kitchen is smelling a bit wrong so I am in a bit of a catch 22. Also my nipples are so ridivulously sore that I am sat with my boobs pressed up against a radiator to try and warm them up!!!! 

Have my scan tomorrow... Am nervous but at least oh will be with me.... 

I hope you guys don't mind me positing in her? I just read it is the TTc thread! I had no idea I am sorry 

I was a bit down last night because I read some things on here that upset me, people saying that they couldn't understand gender disappointment and it just reminded me that if I have another boy, I gave away some lovely boy clothes and bought some lovely girl clothes and I will be sad if they aren't used... I know I shouldn't be picky and of course I will love my baby whatever... Just wish it had been different, the threads yesterday made me feel a bit bad about it :(


----------



## dnlfinker

I am sorry about your loss Sally maybe it was all a fluke? 

I think AF is coming here as well. I saw a little bit of something last night , so I am waiting to see if it will start :) 

TO THE MONTH OF JANUARY FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE TRYING :)


----------



## winterwonder

Afternoon!

Sally - I'm so sorry it ended this way for you :hugs: but hopefully this way you'll have time to get yourself all sorted out for TTC again in a months times.

All the Feb TTCers! - all the luck and :dust: in the world, i hope you all get your :bfp:

Afm - Not been upto much i'm on holiday for two weeks at the mo and off to malaga on sat, to spend a week with my OH and his MiL who is staying over there already. Pregnancy wise, everything so far seems exactly the same as last time, no sickness, no other pains currently, nothing, although i just cant sleep at night at the mo, so maybe thats something.
Its buds due date on the 21st so everything feels a little weird and we still haven't told any family about this bean and wont be till gone 12 weeks.

christine xx


----------



## feeble

Hey christine, I am 7weeks and 3 days preggers... My angel was due on the 18th jan, I lost her at 23 weeks x 

Are you getting any extra scans and stuff?


----------



## Bride2b

feeble said:


> Bride2b your dress is gorgeous but most wedding dresses are made so they can be altered a bit, I reckon if you found a good seamstress she would be able to give you a bit more belly room for it x
> (

Ahh, my avatar isnt my dress...just liked this picture when I joined. This is my dress: 

https://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?keywordText=chadley&line=m&keywordType=any&page=0&pageSize=15&style=V7126

Sorry a bit off topic.....but thought I'd share with you lovely ladies....can you see why I cant be too pregnant! BUT I so hope I am pregnant by then! I have just been stalking the 2nd & 3rd tri bump pictures trying to get an idea of what my bump might be like at 30 weeks if I dont wait! How silly!!! Firstly 4 more weeks to wait isnt that long and secondly those other ladies bumps might never look like what mine will so how would I know anyway??

Its been a weird day....just went to asda and saw someone my best friend introduced me to who was a few weeks in front of me with her pregnancy. She had a good little bump on her. I smiled and we passed in the aisles but she didnt acknowledge me. Is this because she knows I lost my baby and doesnt want to have to have a conversation with me that starts "I'm sorry" in the middle of asda? This is one reason why I've not really been out much since this happened. Infact it was the first time I have been and done a proper shop! Seeing her did make me wonder what bump I would have now...I hardly had anything at 19 weeks, and keep thinking that by now I should be looking pregnant!:cry:
Then I went to the checkouts and recognised this other lady....I couldnt for the life of me think where I had seen her. Then I realised she was the midwife on the nightshift that was really good to me (I think she was the one who was with me when I delivered...cant remember now, wasnt really focusing on who was there, it might have been another one).


----------



## blav

Feeble--it's not just a TTC thread, they changed the name to Life After Loss because it was kind of a hodge podge and we were all talking about TTC, rainbows, and lots of other things...so you're more than welcome here :hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Good lord thats a gorgeous dress!!!!


----------



## blav

Bride2be-gorgeous dress honey! I'm sorry you had a bit of a weird day running into people. I know how awkward it can be...

Helen-fingers still crossed for you, I think it's looking pretty promising at this point! :thumbup:

Christine-I'm glad you seem to be feeling well so far and hope you can get some sleep! We'll likely be waiting until 24 weeks to share with family (will be easy because they all live away) so I definitely understand you waiting until 12 weeks. I hope you can find some comfort on the 21st even though I'm sure it will be a hard day.

To everyone with AF on the way (or hopefully on the way) I'm wishing you many :witch: :witch: :witch:

Also, might as well start with the :dust: :dust: :dust: for those TTC this month and next month...can't hurt!


----------



## Bride2b

winterwonder said:


> Afternoon!
> 
> 
> Afm - Not been upto much i'm on holiday for two weeks at the mo and off to malaga on sat, to spend a week with my OH and his MiL who is staying over there already. Pregnancy wise, everything so far seems exactly the same as last time, no sickness, no other pains currently, nothing, although i just cant sleep at night at the mo, so maybe thats something.
> Its buds due date on the 21st so everything feels a little weird and we still haven't told any family about this bean and wont be till gone 12 weeks.
> 
> christine xx

Have a lovely holiday xx I couldnt sleep when I was pg either! Was so annoying as was so tired!! I dont think I will tell people until its obvious next time..I feel the more people that know means more pressure to keep little bubs in there! :hugs: for due date approaching!

Thanks ladies regarding the dress...its a bit OTT but fuck it I only plan on doing it once!!!!:happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

dnlfinker said:


> I
> I think AF is coming here as well. I saw a little bit of something last night , so I am waiting to see if it will start :)
> 
> TO THE MONTH OF JANUARY FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE TRYING :)

:happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

kiki04 said:


> I *think* I can feel AF coming soon too... but it kind of feels like it for a brief moment, then goes away so I am not sure if that really is what I am feeling or not :shrug: Have to wait and see I guess :dohh:

:happydance:


----------



## dnlfinker

your dress is WOW! Congrats on your upcoming wedding :)


----------



## winterwonder

feeble said:


> Hey christine, I am 7weeks and 3 days preggers... My angel was due on the 18th jan, I lost her at 23 weeks x
> 
> Are you getting any extra scans and stuff?


Not till after 20 weeks, the doctors didnt see any point, as nothing went wrong until then, and to be honest i prefer it that way i can just carry on as long as possible like nothings going on!


----------



## Hellylou

I bought a digi...

Pregnant 1-2!

:bfp::headspin:

Can't quite believe it...


----------



## Bride2b

Hellylou said:


> I bought a digi...
> 
> Pregnant 1-2!
> 
> :bfp::headspin:
> 
> Can't quite believe it...

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!:cry::happydance::cry::happydance::cry: HAPPY TEARS!!!xx


----------



## Bride2b

Helen - I am so unbelievably pleased for you!!! Its so amazing that there is ANOTHER BFP on here! Its great that so many rainbows are being made, it really warms my heart and gives me so much hope for the future.:happydance:
I wish you a very HAPPY & HEALTY 9 months hun xx I'm so pleased for you xxx:hugs:


----------



## kiki04

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG HELEN!!!!! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

I am soooooo freakin happy for you!!! :cloud9:


----------



## winterwonder

Hellylou said:


> I bought a digi...
> 
> Pregnant 1-2!
> 
> :bfp::headspin:
> 
> Can't quite believe it...

Oh Yay!!!! congratulations!!!!!! :happydance: I am so so happy for you!!!


----------



## feeble

Congratulations!!!! xxxxx yayayaya for more BFP!


----------



## jennijunni

I have been wondering where all of you awesome ladies went!!! I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and a Happy New Year. I dont know about you all, but I am so glad that 2011 is over. What a year filled with so much pain for me and my family, and so many others. I am hoping that 2012 will be awesome. We are in the 2WW. We were supposed to wait 2 cycles, but I said "what the hell!" and we decided to try after 1. We will see what happens. As far as me, I am doing well. Christmas was great, the week after, not so great. Like others have posted, I made sure to keep myself super busy, and always doing something, I mean I have 6 kids, how hard can it be!! LOL!! But when all was said and done, I had a huge crash, and it was a bit unexpected. I have been doing well emotionally, and even following our second 2nd tri loss, I was doing well, but it came down like a ton of bricks. I am doing well now. I have been running a lot, and my husband has joined me, and I always love when we work out together, it has brought my spirits up. I feel happy and optimistic now. I am going to try to keep up with you ladies, though it seems like if I dont log in for one day, I have 15 pages to catch up on!! LOL! I hope all of our expecting mamas are doing well, and I hope we see lots of BFP's for our TTC mamas!! Lots of hugs to you all!! Glad to be back!


----------



## jennijunni

And congrats helen!!!!


----------



## mhazzab

oh Helen, I have a huge big grin on my face and tears in my eyes...you so deserve this, I'm so unbelievably happy for you! Looks like little Thomas is getting the same birthday present that my girls are getting!
How are you and hubby feeling?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Mhairi - Since when did you get to 15 weeks so quickly?? WOW! Hope all is well

Just wondered if B&B will be quiet at 9pm tonight when the next series of 'One Born Every Minute' Starts. Apparently its on for 14 weeks......how many BFPs can we get in that time? I hope I am one of them! xx 

p.s I have even put it on series link - dont think my OH will be too pleased, he refused to watch it last time! Think he was a bit freaked out by all the screaming!!x


----------



## KamIAm

Wow! Lots to catch up on... Geez, I go away on vacation and BAM! :haha:

First off.... OMG! Helen!!! :happydance::happydance: I am BEYOND excited for you!! How are you feeling? Is Hubby still breathing... So much excitement!! :happydance: Yay!!! Another RAINBOW on the way!! :kiss:

How is everyone else?? All the momma's doing well?? I went back a few pages but I haven't totally caught up on everyone sooo hoping everyone is fine.. 

Oh yea, AFM... The nasty witch tracked me down and got me ... Thought I'd hide away on the beach LOL! :dohh: Oh well... On to the next month and see what it brings...

I went to the cemetery today to take down Emma's Christmas decorations and her lil tree... It felt VERY weird being away from her graveside for that long.. Didn't like it, almost felt normal again and that is NOT a welcomed feeling YET.. If that makes sense.. :shrug:

How are all the ttc ladies?? Still BD'ing :winkwink: 

I noticed a few new names... I am terribly sorry for your losses , that lead you here but I'm glad your here.... Lots of support, understanding and love.... Welcome and I'm Kelly :hugs:


----------



## feeble

Hi Kelly x


----------



## KamIAm

feeble said:


> Hi Kelly x

Hi Feeble!! :hugs:

I'm sorry your here but I'm so glad you found your way HERE... :kiss:


----------



## feeble

Its been a great comfort, i was on another forum with a 'loss' section but it covered all loss and though i think its great for that to be there, i really like that this has specific loss areas if you see what i mean!


----------



## blav

Hellylou said:


> I bought a digi...
> 
> Pregnant 1-2!
> 
> :bfp::headspin:
> 
> Can't quite believe it...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!!!!

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee:

CONGRATULATIONS.

I think that more or less sums it up.


----------



## blav

feeble said:


> Its been a great comfort, i was on another forum with a 'loss' section but it covered all loss and though i think its great for that to be there, i really like that this has specific loss areas if you see what i mean!

I know what you mean. Although I have never experienced a first tri loss, it does feel like a loss in the second trimester is much different. Many women deliver a baby they can hold and the loss seems to cut so much deeper since the reality that a real baby has been lost is more tangible (no offense to anyone, and I am not in any way diminishing first trimester losses). I know that the ladies here will be able to offer you much support through this difficult time.


----------



## Hellylou

Thanks everyone :hugs:

I'm feeling fine so far, but it's such early days. I have been getting waves of nausea for the last week but I thought it must be way too early to get any of that, but I just had a feeling it had happened. I was so crampy, which I never usually am before AF, and super tired, but unable to sleep. I am just going to take this one day at a time. Problem with finding out this early is you then have WAY too much time to wait and think! I am praying this is going to be a sticky bean, though.

Hubby is actually pleased! After so much doubt and uncertainty not so very long ago, he's done a complete about-face, and despite being a bit gobsmacked, he's happy. We're both very realistic this time around. Somehow, though, I have a very good feeling. It just feels like it's going to be ok this time. I hope I'm right!:happydance:

Anyway...

Kelly - so good to see you back to chat at last! So glad you had a good vacation. Sorry about witch getting you. Here's to next month xxx I know what you mean about feeling normal. Every so often you catch yourself and feel guilty like you're somehow forgetting or moving on. No, you are just healing, and getting strong, and that's exactly what Emma wants for her mummy. :hugs: Are you going to put anything different on the grave to replace the xmas tree?

Jenni - I know what you mean about shutting the door on 2011. It was a very difficult year, especially for you. Good luck for 2WW! 

Sally, I am so sorry to hear the latest. You are such a strong lady, I am in awe. Sending many hugs your way today :hugs:

Love and hugs to everyone else xxx


----------



## BMR3

Hellylou Congrats!!!
So happy for you. I hope I will be joining you very very soon. I haven't tested yet but AF should show up on Saturday the 7th. Hopefully not! So I will POAS Friday.

So Exicted for you!

BMR3


----------



## kiki04

OK now I am more frusterated then ever :brat: I did a HPT yesterday and it was a :bfn: I am on like cd51 now and today.. I just threw up! For now reason at all.... felt completely fine, suddenly felt like I was going to puke, went in the bathroom, threw up while thinking "great I have company coming over tonight, I cant be getting sick" came out and now feel fine! :brat: Maybe it is just from my hormones going wacked out but I dont get it.. why is AF mia and now I am randomly vomiting?!


----------



## Hellylou

BMR3 said:


> Hellylou Congrats!!!
> So happy for you. I hope I will be joining you very very soon. I haven't tested yet but AF should show up on Saturday the 7th. Hopefully not! So I will POAS Friday.
> 
> So Exicted for you!
> 
> BMR3

Thank you! Good luck!! I am still ahead of AF being due, as I tested so early! I have never done that before...mine was due Fri 6th, and I was getting faint positives yesterday, with confirmation by digi today, so keeping everything crossed for you xxxx:hugs:

Krissy, how utterly frustrating. It doesn't make any sense. Are you seeing doc any time soon?


----------



## jennijunni

Krissy that sucks!! I have no answers for you. Have you gotten a blood test? That is a long time without AF. Have you had your first PPAF? I only ask, because when I had my second D&E this past time, I had a lot of tissue left over, and I dont know your circumstances, but could that be it?? I hope you get some answers soon. Hugs!!

Feeble, sorry you are here. I am happy to meet new mamas, but under much happier circumstances. 

Helen, again congrats!! How exciting!! I hope to be joining you soon. Fingers crossed!!

Andrea? How are you? I ahve been thinking of you often the past few weeks. 

I just want to say that I truely am greatful for all of you. It is nice to be able to chat with woman who have gone through the same things, and understand my feelings, and have BTDT. You are all so wonderful!!


----------



## dnlfinker

kiki04 said:


> OK now I am more frusterated then ever :brat: I did a HPT yesterday and it was a :bfn: I am on like cd51 now and today.. I just threw up! For now reason at all.... felt completely fine, suddenly felt like I was going to puke, went in the bathroom, threw up while thinking "great I have company coming over tonight, I cant be getting sick" came out and now feel fine! :brat: Maybe it is just from my hormones going wacked out but I dont get it.. why is AF mia and now I am randomly vomiting?!

Hi , perhaps you should go for a sonogram/blood test. That is surely a good sign. There are chances taht the test is not properly detecting it! ITs what I been thinking for a while but I cant find a doc that is willing to do so. I was told again yesterday taht I am making it up and that she can give me a pill to bring a cycle (Hell no because I am not taking any chances in case I am pregnant). Two months is a long long time. Yesterday when I wiped I saw a little blood spot so I been watching it . So far nothing!


Too bad you are not near , i would def partner up on paying that visit to a doc! My problem is that I cant convince a doc to check me , 2 months no af is not a problem for them ( I think its a big problem :))


----------



## KamIAm

Well, Krissy... Natalie... I am stumped :shrug: It's got me baffled... Krissy, hope you get in to see a doc soon and Nat, I'm sorry you haven't had any luck finding a doc that will listen and hear you... That is frustrating...

Helen... I'm not sure what I'll put up for Em' at her lil spot... I have been doing some thinking on that today... You know... I had some pretty deep thoughts and concerns while away on vacation... That is the longest time frame I've been away from Em's gravesite and I noticed that I was closer and closer back to actual happy me again, when I laughed, it was genuine... When I smiled, it was truly from happiness.. Not my typical show I put on daily..... BUT then I felt that twinge of guilt... Like I was forgetting her, or moving on... I feel like I'm stuck in a tug of war ... Do you girls do that?? I know Em' doesn't want me to be miserable and sad all the time but I feel if I "move on" I'm moving on without her.... Next to my chair, I have a picture of her last 3D scan framed in a perfect tiny frame.. I look at it a million times throughout my day but for some reason, when I looked at it today, it stung a bit again... Seeing her tiny, perfect elbows and fingers, even her knees ... This scan image is amazing... Like I can still feel her ... It's been a lil over 9 months since she was alive inside safely tucked away growing..... a life time ago....

Sorry girls... Not sure where all this came from.... :shrug: 

Guess it's been a while ..and this is the ONLY place I have... 

Thanks so much friends! 

ANYWAYS ..... How are all my rainbow makin' friends doing??? Can't believe we have so many now! That makes my heart smile!! Any sporting a beautiful baby bump yet?? LOVE THE BUMP!!! :kiss:


----------



## MummyStobe

Hellylou said:


> I bought a digi...
> 
> Pregnant 1-2!
> 
> :bfp::headspin:
> 
> Can't quite believe it...

OMG HELEN. Wow I'm so unbelievably happy for you. Amazing news. :happydance: xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Helen! HUGE congrats honey! OMG I'm so delighted for you, wishing you a happy and healthy 9mths hon, so glad you have a positive feeling this time, you know I truly believe in instinct on that. The first BFP of 2012 in our little group, isn't it? Yay, here's to loads more...

Krissy, I'm sorry you are going through this honey. I'm sure I read somewhere about progesterone making you feel sick, either high or low levels, and even changes in the levels. Normally the progesterone level drops away to induce AF but there are lots of changes that occur in different points in the cycle. I can't remember the details but hormone levels can definitely make you feel sick. Are you still using OPK'S? I ask that because I felt really nauseous last month when I ovulated. I hope you get some answers soon, can you go to your doctor and get bloods done or something? 

Kelly, welcome back, I've missed you hon. Glad you had a good holiday and don't feel guilty for smiling and laughing, everybody needs a break, even from thier own emotions! Em wouldnt want to see you miserable for ever hon. I do know what you mean though. I feel so bad because as I was around other people and travelling on the day I never even got to mark the boys' due date properly - I lit some candles that night and had a spa bath and a good cry, but my DD realised the next day she'd missed it and was really upset. I didn't want to bring her down at the time as she was enjoying herself so I never mentioned it. It always seems so confusing to me which day to mark as well, as being twins they would never have stayed in till the 20th anyway, even if all was well with them. I'm rambling now, but I do know what you mean about feeling far from Em, but I don't think geography matters much to spirit. She would have been smiling with you, happy to see her Mommy happy for a while. Sorry the evil witch got you, here's to the new year bringing more rainbows to all of us.

Sally I'm so sorry hon, you are amazingly strong but I still wish I could give you a hug, it's not fair. 

Not much to report here, the outlaws have left, was pretty chilled actually. I have work tonight which I'm dreading as it's been crazy busy, beyond control and I really am not as able to keep up the pace the way I used t.o, my concentration is so shot its ridiculous. At least they are putting two people on together so it won't just be me on, I would have just run off screaming if it had just been me the other night. 

I'm getting more and more bitter about losing my only chance of a holiday because of folk that don't even care about us, I'm a bit twisted up about that at the moment, I'll need to just put a lid on it. I feel that the lack of relaxation will impact my chances of conception too as I so needed to relax to conceive and there will be none of that now. Swines, I could scream. 

Anyaway, I'll try not to be so negative, I'm so glad to be able to chat to you all again!

XXX

ETA: I'm feeling a bit wierd at the moment as well as my neighbour and friend is about to give birth to her 4th baby - she was a month behind me. She's really into hombirth etc and birth in general so I've been avoiding her a bit recently. It's hard though and not nice to be this way and her DD is besties with my DD. My DD is all excited about the upcoming birth and it kind of kills me to hear her going on about it, but I don't want her to know how twisted up I am inside, it's not a nice emotion to be holding and she's only 8, so I have to grit my teeth and smile when she talks about it - it's like she wants to adopt everyone else's wee sisters and brothers, the poor wee girl. 

This lady is also the one who gave me lots of books when I was pregnant about natural birthing etc, most of which I'm glad I read but one particular one had all sorts of info about the potential harm of modern sonos and was one of the reasons I declined my 12 week scan as I decided to only get one so waited for the 20 week one (which I never made it to). I can't help but feel resentful for that, which is ridiculous as I made my own decision at the time. If I had had that scan I would have known the boys were both in there and I would have researched the risks - I'm sure IC and prem labour would have been in the front of my mind, who knows whether it would have made a difference but that's my biggest "what if?". 

The lady in question has never had any scans with any of her children either and has never had any problems so that makes me want to scream and shake her sometimes as she can come accross as a bit smug - she said to me that she didn't need the reasuurance of scans or hearing the heartbeat as she "has confidence in her body that everything is alright" - this was to me after my body kicked my babies out, I could have smacked her for that. She doesn't mean it badly though I don't think, she just can't see past herself and has never lost anyone close to her, never mind a baby. But she was aware of what was going on when it all happened to me and saw the fall-out from it, how could that not have an impact on her? She's now asked me to be her reserve to look after the children in case it all gets too much for her and I said I would but couldn't be in the house with them - she was a bit snarly and said "I wasn't asking you to do that". I felt a bit bad but I have to look after myself, no-one else is going to. She's at that late pregnancy stage of getting a bit snarly and bad-tempered I think anyway though. I've also agreed to help her with the kids when the baby is born as her DH might be working away and I so wish I hadn't - I don't know how I'm going to avoid being around her baby and I don't know that she won't think badly of me if (and when) I melt down if I am. Her midwife is the same one as I had too and it makes me sad every time I see her car go past, it's all just too close, I want to run away. I don't really know why I'm writing this as there's nothing that can be done about it and I don't even know what I want you all to say - there's nothing you can! I just wanted to put it out there - am I being a total Biotch feeling this way towards her? I never want to resent anyone else their happiness and I hate that I feel this way but her obliviousness (that's not even a word) to the way I see the world now hurts me - not that I'd want her to change her philosophy, just that I'd have thought that she could see how mine might not be the same now and never will be so not to carp on about it to me. The whole "trust in your body" thing will never resonate with me again!

I also feel a bit used - I seem to be the first one she turns to when she needs something but dont get invited to the fun things. I know I'm not a real friend to her, just someone handy but at the same time she was the one who held the fort for us while we were down in hospital, got a plumber to fix the burst pipe and cleaned up etc so I owe her a huge debt of gratitude, so I feel really mean saying that. Oh I dunno. I guess I'm hitting the angry stage of grief!


----------



## Hellylou

Ah Nikki - I can totally see why you're frustrated. People can be so thoughtless, especially when they are wrapped up in their own situation like that. You're not being a biotch at all, and this is exactly where you can let stuff like that out. Like I said in Feeble's thread about her MIL, nobody else gets it at all. They either just completely ignore that it even happened, or they blurt out thoughtless comments, and the longer ago it was, the more they think it should be water under the bridge. Even my best friend on NYE actually told me I needed to "draw a line under it", after 3 months. :dohh:

As for thoughtlessness, I am also feeling a bit guilty for announcing my news here. I really hope I haven't upset anyone in doing so. I know this is a bit of an 'everything' thread, including highs and lows, but I don't want to cause anyone any pain, and there haven't been any BFP announcements in here since it changed from a TTC thread. I do love you all, and you are my absolute rock, so if I need to shut up about anything, please tell me!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## feeble

Nikki, there are are couple of things about you experience that I can relate to and I hope that we can take some strength from each other x

Firstly my ex-best friend got pregnant 3 days before me, also with a little girl, she lives up the road from me and I see her about three times a week, she's due in a week or so I would say, it's heartbreaking. I just have to ignore her if I see her, I know that must sound cold but I have to keep strong for jasper and there is no way if I had to have any more contact with her, I would find it possible to keep it together :( 

Also when I was 18 weeks pregnant with my angel, I was also 'told off' by a holier than thou hippy type who decided to tell me that utrasound definitely WOULD give my baby brain damage and then again a few weeks later told me off for cleaning my carpet as it was 'more harmful crap for your unborn' 

She wasn't even willing to discuss these things, just told me that shed never had an ultrasound because she trusted her body. Well I went into my next ultrasound and found out my baby had died, horrid woman. 

I have really researched ultrasound and in return for perhaps a tiny tiny change of harm to a baby, we have much less physically disabled to the point of having no quality of life, babies born into the world. We can check a child's heart before they are born rather than after which is far more complicated. 

We can offer the best help to our children from an early age. I would be worried about not knowing if my babies had a heart condition or something! Or one not working kidney! These things might not present problems for years, what a risk is that? 

It's hard for me, and I am sure it is for you, because this is stuff people should just 'know' isn't it? I am fairly sure that before I had a babyl I would have been a bit more sensitive towards those who had lost a child but so many seem ignorant to our pain! 

Maybe our angels have taught us, to be stronger, more sensitive people. 

I really feel for you, I would hate to live next door to her, is there anyway you can arrange to go away, visit your mum etc and use that as a reason why you cannot be her backup? 

Good luck missis xxx I am so sorry you have to go through this, isn't life so bitterly cruel at times x x x


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hey everyone!!
Helen, congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: I am SOOOooooooooooooooooooooooo happy for you, great news :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Nikki, I am so sorry for what you are going through , I am here to talk if you ever need me. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:



Nat, I don't understand why the doc wont look into your situation more . I hope things get on track for you. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Kelly, Glad you are back, my son also had a blast in Florida! I am so happy you had fun, you needed a break. Missed ya :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Jenni, Thank you for asking, I am doing ok...I will be trying again in February and I am scared shitless but I am going to do it anyway :happydance::happydance:
I also am so very thankful for you all :kiss::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Amanada , hope you are feeing good and strong :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Mhairi , You are coming along so fast!!!! Hope you are feeling strong and doing ok, I miss you.. XOXOXOO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Love You All :hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss::hugs::kiss::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Nikki - Thats a real crap situation to be in, its not like you can hide from her if she lives next door & your DDs are friends. From a mother perspective surely she must have had the thought in her head 'oh god how would I feel if I lost a child.' All my friends who have children have been great as they understand what it would be like to not have one of their babies. This woman sounds like she is a little too wrapped up in her 'problems' rather than understanding your feelings. Its great she helped out with the plumber etc, but would anyone seriously let your house flood if they were were holding the fort when you were in hospital. I think there is a difference when it comes to not wanting to help her out, you will be around a new born when you feel like your baby should be in your arms, its totally natural to feel upset/hurt/angry. Can you do something that is a nice gesture, maybe a bunch of flowers and a little note that very briefly apologises that you are not longer able to give her the support you offered as with your recent history being around a new born will not help your emotional well being.

Helen - Dont be silly, I think the general concensus is that we are super excited and over the moon that you have a little rainbow growing xxx

Feeble - that woman sounds nasty!!

Krissy & Nat - Demand to see a doctor, just for peace of mind! I know cycles can be all over the place after losses, but as I say at least you will have an indication of what might be going on. xx

Andrea - how are you sweetie? Not long until Feb!!! I'm going to start TTC in Feb too xx

Kelly - dont feel bad hun about smiling again, it doesnt mean you have forgotten Emma, you are allowed to be happy again xx

Hi Jenni! We've not spoken much but wanted to wish you well xx

AF still not come for me....just a bit of spotting so far....lets see what happens today!!x


----------



## Nikki_d72

Helen, don't you dare go anywhere! I think we would all agree that we are more than delighted to hear your fab news and we'll all be following your progress with you. If anyone feels differently feel free to say so but for me at least it gives me something to smile about...nothing to feel guilty for. Your friend sounds so insensitive, was that the one that arranged the NY party with the other folk?

Thanks Fiona, Bride (Britney, isn't it? Sorry I have a crap memory), Helen, Andrea. I was thinking about trying to get away or something to duck out but I'd feel too guilty and I have to work so no chance of getting away. My Mum is in Scotland and has offered flights but I wanted to go after summer here is over, it would all be a bit of a rush if I was to try to organise it now. I may go back down to MIL's with DD for a few days though, it's just hard to judge when it should be, she could go from anytime now for the next 4 weeks, realistically, then I said I'd help afterwards with the other kids, who knows how long that will go on for - he was going to be away through the week for about 3 months I think. She hinted about the helping her when the baby comes only about 3 weeks ago and I stupidly piped up that I would help, then she asked me to be reserve for the kids during the actual birth last week, so it was well after losing the boys, so I don't think I could come out and change it now based on my emotinal health, unfortunately. I'm too soft.

Fiona, that hippy woman sounds a rude biotch! My neighbour holds similar beliefs but words it more nicely...she still says it though. 

She does say all the right things by text etc, she is the only one that kept in touch with me but it's been fading a lot more recently and has only been when I'm useful, I feel. I just feel that a lot of it isn't always sincere and when she's slipped up and said some of these other things face-to-face she is probably being more real and I just find it hard to fathom how she could still spout her "philosophy" of trust in her body etc to me without thinking she is being tactless. Anyway, thanks for making me feel less evil about moaning, I'll see what I can do about getting away or something, otherwise I'll just have to do what I can without going into the house for as long as possible...I suppose I'll have to face it someday anyway.

Not long to go till Feb, Andrea - how's the weight loss doing? I was thinking about starting Zumba, has anyone tried it at all? I was hoping that feeling like I'm dancing might feel better than just working out - I love dancing and never get to do it these days. I have half a bottle of wine to drink and then I might quit drinking and diet too, I've never been so heavy in my life!

Much love to all xxx


----------



## Bride2b

I'm Gemma xx Its so hard to keep a track tho so dont worry!!

Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself??? I then think about the bloody wedding dress.....oh well maybe the venue has a spare date in May? Maybe we can move the wedding earlier? Maybe the bridal shop can call up to see if my dress will be done in time? WHY WHY BLOODY WHY do I put myself through this!!!!! In reality I know that AF is coming, not had usual cramps but few tummy pains. 

Has anyone else has stupid thoughts like this?

Must go and get myself ready to meet my friend...x


----------



## Hellylou

Thanks girls :hugs:

Nikki, yes this was the friend whose house we went to on NYE and who invited the other people...we've been friends since we were 12 - been through thick and thin together. I think she has a different angle on grief, she just believes in shutting it all away in a box never to be opened again. That can work for some people, but certainly not me, and I don't think it's particularly healthy to be honest. Still, I would never tell her what to do or not to do regarding her grief (she lost her dad a few years ago) so it's a bit unfair to advise me on mine. She is my dearest friend, though, and she can always say anything to me and I always forgive it. I'm kind of used to it.

I have been so proud of the progress I've made too, in this time. I would never have thought, 3 months ago, that I would ever even smile again, let alone find joy or happiness again in anything, but little by little it's getting easier. But I still cry, and I still struggle in social situations, and I still think about what might have been, and I have lost a lot of my spark. I would like it if people I knew recognized that and encouraged me, and although I might not want to talk about what happened, it would be so nice if they at least acknowledged it and asked how I was doing. But instead of being encouraged for having done so well, I am made to feel bad for not being completely over it already, and I feel like I ruined their party. How rude of me!

Agh, that just turned into a rant!


----------



## jennijunni

Helen, of course we want to hear your news!!! I am so excited for you. Please dont feel like you should not post! I know when we got pregnant with our baby girl, that I would be healed, and I was. Even though that pregnancy ended as well, I was happy, very, very happy the entire time I had her with me, and I loved that time, and would not give them up. She healed me. I am now grieving her, but happy I had her. So dont feel guilty, I am truely happy for you.

On another note, people can be such douchewads. I dont think they know what to say, so they say the dumbest, most inappropiate thing that comes into their mind, regardless of whether it is offending or hurtful. And then they think they are so wise, helping us and all. UGH!!! LOL!! We have all been there I am sure!!

Nice to see you Andrea! February will be here before you know it!!!

I hope all is well with the pregnant mamas!! Thinking of you all, and praying for strong, healthy babies!!

As far as Zumba, I have never done it. I typically do running, power step, circuit training, and the like. I have heard it is awesome though, give it a go!


----------



## feeble

hello all, just wanted to let you know that i had a scan today and wee baby is looking good, bang on dates with a very clear heartbeat x 

hugs to all that need them xx


----------



## blav

I've done Zumba and it was a lot of fun. I used to go once a week before getting pregnant and always had a great time. Haven't been to the gym much since then and am at my heaviest...definitely brings me down. I need to get back into it!


----------



## ericacaca

Collie.... so good to hear from you! How was the 12 week scan? I know what you mean about crapping yourself! I&#8217;m constantly doing that.... very close to date when we lost baby girl. I keep on running to the loo to check when I feel wet and its just discharge. ARGH! I&#8217;ve had bad dreams too. I had one last night that I woke up in the dark but felt really wet... went to the loo and knew I was bleeding and felt what I felt last time, I went back to my bed, lights on this time and my nightie was drenched in blood and my side of the bed was too. Strange thing was I was sharing the bed with my Mum and all she said was to keep my legs up and I&#8217;d be fine, but I knew that I wasn&#8217;t fine. It was horrible! 

Finker &#8211; hang in there, I really hope AF comes soon. It took me around 6 &#8211; 7 weeks. If I knew there was a pill I could take I&#8217;d have asked for it! 

Bride2be &#8211; your dress is amazing! I really hope you&#8217;ll fit in it &#61514; There are some great seamstresses out there though that could try and tweak it for you just in case.... We&#8217;ve been watching One Born Every Minute too. Hubby didn&#8217;t think I&#8217;d want to watch it as it scared me last time! But we watched it last night and all it did was make me blub! I REALLY WANT THIS BABY! SO SO SO MUCH! That boy was HUGE! 10lbs 10 ozs? And she made hardly any noise? Good grief! 

Olive, I&#8217;m sorry this isn&#8217;t your month. But as you said I&#8217;d much rather a baby passing at 4 &#8211; 5 weeks rather than into the 2nd tri when everyone thinks you&#8217;re &#8220;safe!&#8221; Trouble is, I would hate saying that to people who are going through the whole angst of bleeding etc during that time even though it is so true. I waited until a couple of cycles just to get my body back in sync and then we started not trying but not preventing. I think its cus there are so many people we know that have spent years TTC and we just wanted to start as soon as and if we were blessed with getting pregnant in only a couple of months then we&#8217;d take that blessing!

Feeble, I know how you feel about feeling sick in the kitchen! Hubby has to cook at the moment, I can&#8217;t go in when meat is cooking still! Blurgh! And the smell of clothes just come out of the washing machine sends me out in shivers! Urgh! I could imagine the gender threads getting you down. I was browsing and saw you around on there but couldn&#8217;t type as was in so much pain with back - sorry you were made to feel that way. I know people say that a baby is a baby, girl or boy, we should be thankful blah blah blah &#8211; but there are so many memories and bottled up emotions that we can&#8217;t let go of that can get us down. Its understandable, really it is.

WinterWonder &#8211; thinking about you for the 21st. You can get through it. Just make sure you have spend that day doing things and have some time just to reflect. We decided to spend no more than a couple of hours thinking about baby girl. And that was right for us. It might be different for you though. 

Helly &#8211; thats amazing! Digi tests are the best! Theres nothing more exciting that seeing the word PREGNANT on a POAS is there! Woohoo! Congratulations, praying for a healthy and happy 9 months. 

Nikki &#8211; gosh, thats a crap situation to be in. Vent away all you like on here &#8211; this is such a group of amazing ladies who are so supportive whatever you&#8217;re going through.

Andrea, Blav &#8211; you&#8217;ve not spoken much about yourselves. You&#8217;re always so lovely chatting about us all! :hugs: Hope you are doing well and that the weight loss goes well. 
REALLY SORRY if I&#8217;ve forgotten anyone. 

This has been a MAMMOTH post! I haven&#8217;t typed on here for ages because of my back but its getting better! I can walk without keeling over now at least. And I can drive without crying/crashing! Yay! Basically, I slipped my disc back in August &#8211; I went to see an osteopath and he worked wonders... but I stopped treatment when we saw BFP for 1st tri and the pain came back with a vengeance! It was horrendous! I couldn&#8217;t stand, sit lay, walk, do anything without pain and crying! But after 3rd visit to osteopath things are looking better. I&#8217;ve been off work &#8211; was meant to be back at school Tuesday! Eeek &#8211; but am going back in tomorrow, although I&#8217;m dreading it as I really don&#8217;t know how my back is going to be. Its more sciatica though rather than my back hurting &#8211; its the pain in my leg that gets EXCRUCIATING! ARGH! 

I&#8217;m crapping myself at the moment too. It was around this time in pregnancy with baby girl that I started bleeding and going to hospital all the time for checks. I keep on feeling butterflies and feelings that baby is moving but I&#8217;m worried that it&#8217;s just me convincing myself that baby is ok. We get to hear heart beat next Thursday at midwife appointment which I&#8217;m nervously looking forward to. It&#8217;s just so hard not knowing what&#8217;s going on inside my belly! I wish I could see baby! All that keeps me going is knowing that there isn&#8217;t any bleeding... but even then sometimes mc&#8217;s happen without bleeding! Argh! I&#8217;m just trying to let go of it and try and relax about it all. 

Last week me and hubby had a really nice chat about baby girl and finally decided to name her. Hubby was hurt pretty bad by it all too so I never really confronted him about not naming her and when he suggested Eve because it just fitted her it just seemed so right. So baby girl is called Eve. We&#8217;re hoping to get to the children&#8217;s memorial garden at some point where her ashes were scattered to get a nice plaque set up for her to remember her by. It also helped us to accept that there are names we&#8217;ve set aside for Earth and names that are there for our babies in Heaven. 

Phew! Thats loads I&#8217;ve written! I need to get up and have a walk around! 

Love and hugs to you all! 

Erica xxx


----------



## ericacaca

And just a question.... how is an Onion bigger than an Advocado? Must be one huge onion! xxx


----------



## blav

Well ladies, I finally got the pictures I've been hounding the hospital about for the last 2 months and although I'm happy to finally be done with it, I'm a little disappointed. It's just the 30 copies of the same picture. I thought for sure they would take some of just his little hands and feet but this is just like a portrait. And his head looked banged up, which i dont remember in the hospital but it probably was I guess...the day was such a blur I don't know how I remember anything. 

When we were in the hospital, OH has if I wanted him to take any pictures and I said no because 1. I thought it was weird and 2. the hospital was supposed to take some for us. Not taking any is definitely my biggest regret (aside from not going to the hospital sooner of course). Ugh.


----------



## OliveBay

Hellylou said:


> I have been so proud of the progress I've made too, in this time. I would never have thought, 3 months ago, that I would ever even smile again, let alone find joy or happiness again in anything, but little by little it's getting easier. But I still cry, and I still struggle in social situations, and I still think about what might have been, and I have lost a lot of my spark. I would like it if people I knew recognized that and encouraged me, and although I might not want to talk about what happened, it would be so nice if they at least acknowledged it and asked how I was doing.

Helen, its so weird, I feel i could have written these very words myself. 'Losing my spark' is exactly how I've descibed how I feel to my friends. And social situations yep, just the same as you. i can handle small groups ok now, but if there's a big group or too many people I don't know, I just want to crawl into a hole and disappear. Making small-talk with strangers just seems so insignificant these days. Its so positive that we're getting some of our spark back though :hugs:



feeble said:


> hello all, just wanted to let you know that i had a scan today and wee baby is looking good, bang on dates with a very clear heartbeat x

GREAT news feeble, I'm soooo happy for you :happydance:



ericacaca said:


> Olive, Im sorry this isnt your month. But as you said Id much rather a baby passing at 4  5 weeks rather than into the 2nd tri when everyone thinks youre safe! Trouble is, I would hate saying that to people who are going through the whole angst of bleeding etc during that time even though it is so true.

Thanks Erica. Second tri loss is just so cruel in my opinion, because like you said everyone assumes they are 'safe' by then (but all of us here sadly know that isn't the case). I hope people don't think I'm being insensitive but I just feel so massively different about my early loss compared to the utter devastation that I went through in September. Isn't it amazing where you get your strength from sometimes?!



ericacaca said:


> And just a question.... how is an Onion bigger than an Advocado? Must be one huge onion! xxx

I always think these size comparison tickers are hilarious! :haha:


Helen, great news on the digi result :happydance:

Britney, hope this month is successful for you, but otherwise there's definitely space for you in the ever-increasing Feb TTC crew! I know what you mean about the fear of being psycho over POAS. Its just that once you are tuned into your cycle and when things should happen, it so hard NOT to think about it! Oh how I'd love to be one of those people who doesn't know they're pregnant and just finds out by accident one day that they're like 20 weeks or something! For me, even without POAS, once AF is late that's it, my mind is already racing away and calculating due dates :dohh: I'm sorry the pictures aren't what you'd hoped for. Its so hard to make that decision about what to do at the time so please don't blame yourself or have regrets. Your biggest task on that day was just to get through it, which you did and you are continuing to do :hugs:

Gemma your dress looks amazing. I remember drooling over that designer's dresses when I was looking for mine a few years ago. This year is defo going to be a good one for you honey, hopefully in more ways than one :hugs:

Everyone else (Amanda, Andrea, Jenni, Nat, Christine, Krissy, Mhairi, Kelly, BMR3, Nikki, MummyStobe - sorry for forgetting anyone, this group is so big we'll need a register soon!) I hope you are all keeping well and feeling good :hugs:

Thanks to everyone for your support, I am so glad to know you all. I am still feeling positive and hoping I can face my due date at the end of the month with this same outlook. Hubby and I have had a lovely couple of days doing fun things and I'm determined to get more fun back into our marriage - we've had way too much sadness over the last few months and we blooming well deserve a bit of happiness. I've decided I am going to spend the next month doing everything I couldn't do or didn't want to do when i was pregnant, just to get it out of my system before Feb - soft boiled eggs, dying my hair, hot baths, a few cheeky drinks perhaps...... Got to make the most of it!


----------



## dnlfinker

Helen , 

CONRATS ON YOUR LITTLE RAINBOW IN THE MAKING! 

Update: I never been so happy about the witch :) Its such a relief to know that we 
can start trying again :)


----------



## Hellylou

Erica - glad to hear all is well, apart from the back problem - sounds terrible! :hugs: Glad to hear that is getting easier, although I can imagine when you start getting proper huge it might be a bit sore - maybe you can wear one of those bump support belt things? And Eve is such a beautiful name. It's one of my favourites. Fly high little Eve :hugs::hugs:

Sally - good to hear from you, and you sound so positive, which is wonderful to hear. You should definitely spoil yourself, you deserve it. And yes, we are all regaining our spark little by little. What amazingly strong women we all are! :hugs:

Britney - sorry to hear the pictures weren't what you hoped for. I didn't get any from the hospital, although I know they took one, and I didn't take any myself either. It's so hard to know what to do at that terrible time. My gut instinct on the day was not to know or see anything at all, and it wasn't until 2 days later that I decided to see Thomas, and another 2 days before I decided to find out if he was a boy or a girl. Then it took a lot longer than that to decide to give him a name. There is certainly no right or wrong way in any of this, but try not to be too hard on yourself over the choices you made that day.


----------



## Hellylou

dnlfinker said:


> Helen ,
> 
> CONRATS ON YOUR LITTLE RAINBOW IN THE MAKING!
> 
> Update: I never been so happy about the witch :) Its such a relief to know that we
> can start trying again :)

Thank you hun :hugs: 

I didn't realise the witch had come at last - I lose track of where everyone is. That's great news! Here's to this month!! :dust:


----------



## jennijunni

In a way I wish I had taken pics of Judah too Britney. But the pictures in my mind will never go away, and they will forever be burned into my brain. I will have to share with you all his little box we buried him in. Maybe tomorrow I will upload some pics, they are beautiful, and that is what I want to remember.


----------



## Bride2b

Britney I know what you mean about photos. I didnt want any taken when I had Bertie (I was worried about it being a bit weird - I was worried the mw would think I was weird holding my dead baby and didnt hold him for as long as I wish I had!) I phoned the family liason almost 2 weeks after to see if a) she could ask 'if' they took any and b) to see if any could be taken. It took almost a week for me to find out they hadnt taken any, as when I phoned the useless woman back she told me I would need to phone labour ward myself....why she didnt tell me this before I dont know. So I phoned labour ward, I was so upset that my opportunity to get photos of my baby may have passed me by as by this time it was almost 3 weeks since he was born! The lovely midwife took photos of his hands & feet as I asked and also put a little hat on him and took a photo. That particular photo is still at the hospital as I hadnt expected to have that photo & wasnt sure I wanted to see it as was worried he may look different to what he did when I last saw him....and that he wouldnt look like my baby. :cry: I will one day go and collect the picture as its the only one I really have of my baby boy. 
I am kind of glad others chose not to have photos - not that I want other ladies to miss out, but I didnt know what to do at the time. I didnt expect to have my baby, I didnt expect for him to never come home, I never expected that we would have to have a funeral for him. None of us should never have had to have gone through any of this or experienced the pain we have or had to make the decisions we had to make. Its just not fair! x


----------



## feeble

I didnt even look at my baby, i just couldnt. She was born in her sack too so she wouldnt have been properly visible unless they would have removed her from it and i thought that was a bit strange, removing her from the last little bit of 'us' that we shared together 

I do regret it, i do wish i had of looked but i just didnt.


----------



## Bride2b

feeble said:


> I didnt even look at my baby, i just couldnt. She was born in her sack too so she wouldnt have been properly visible unless they would have removed her from it and i thought that was a bit strange, removing her from the last little bit of 'us' that we shared together
> 
> I do regret it, i do wish i had of looked but i just didnt.

:hugs:

No one could have prepared us, all we could do was make decisions that were right at the time.:hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

feeble said:


> I didnt even look at my baby, i just couldnt. She was born in her sack too so she wouldnt have been properly visible unless they would have removed her from it and i thought that was a bit strange, removing her from the last little bit of 'us' that we shared together
> 
> I do regret it, i do wish i had of looked but i just didnt.


We didnt either. It was difficult when in labour as I had to have my eyes closed most the way through it all! :hugs:


----------



## feeble

they gave me so much smack it was quite an effort to keep my eyes open! 

They were really good to me actually, just kept me properly smacked up and every time someone gave birth in the labour ward there was a midwife just there at the end of the bed to support me. They were wonderful x


----------



## Bride2b

Bride2b said:


> Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
> I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???

Ok so where the 'F' is :witch: I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc! 
I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?

I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick!:blush: Can someone bring me back to reality please?????


----------



## dnlfinker

Bride2b said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
> I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???
> 
> Ok so where the 'F' is :witch: I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
> I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?
> 
> I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick!:blush: Can someone bring me back to reality please?????Click to expand...

Bride2b,

Just a little something to help you. if you think the witch is on her way and 
you want it to come faster , then try to BD. I know everyone is different but 
it worked for me yesterday :0


----------



## Hellylou

Bride2b said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
> I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???
> 
> Ok so where the 'F' is :witch: I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
> I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?
> 
> I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick!:blush: Can someone bring me back to reality please?????Click to expand...

Well, I know it's possible to get pg before AF even appears after a loss because you could O, so if you have been BDing without protection in the last week or 2 there could be a chance? I know we didn't BD at all in the time before my first AF, which was exactly 4 weeks after the D&E (which was 10 days after the loss due to retained products). I was too terrified to, and we were advised to wait at least 3 weeks I think, but I didn't at all til she showed. I was too scared of infection. But only you know your dates...is there a chance?


----------



## blav

Thanks, darlings. You ladies are right. And I can't go back now and make things different so what is the use beating myself up over it? Honestly, I'm lucky to have a photo as so many don't even have that. I'm lucky I got to hold him as many don't get to do that either. I hope some day that the "what ifs" and the "I wish I hads" aren't so painful to think about.


----------



## Bride2b

Hellylou said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
> I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???
> 
> Ok so where the 'F' is :witch: I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
> I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?
> 
> I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick!:blush: Can someone bring me back to reality please?????Click to expand...
> 
> Well, I know it's possible to get pg before AF even appears after a loss because you could O, so if you have been BDing without protection in the last week or 2 there could be a chance? I know we didn't BD at all in the time before my first AF, which was exactly 4 weeks after the D&E (which was 10 days after the loss due to retained products). I was too terrified to, and we were advised to wait at least 3 weeks I think, but I didn't at all til she showed. I was too scared of infection. But only you know your dates...is there a chance?Click to expand...

Well bleeding stopped 14/15th completely we bd 16th,25th dec then 1st 2nd.....really didn't care about getting pg!!! No one told us not too DTD! So maybe a slight possibility. But have had a bit of 'spotting' this eve. So a little bit yesterday n little bit today! I'm sure it's just AF coming but very slowly! 

Nat I might have to try DTD if it worked for you,good tip!x


----------



## dnlfinker

Bride2b said:


> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone elses mind play tricks on them?
> I am still waiting for AF to show...as I said yesterday and earlier today I have spotting. Theres nothing yet today. Why does my brain then start running away with me and start thinking implantation bleeding? WHY WHY WHY do I do this to myself???
> 
> Ok so where the 'F' is :witch: I was sure after spotting yesterday she was on her way, and had calculated potential due dates etc after 'this' cycle and the next. Feel a bit of a wally now for getting excited about AF starting and doing all this planning about when to ttc!
> I know Krissy & Nat have had super dooper long cycle...Nat congrats on AF by the way! And I am certainly not in that category. I just really thought she was coming due to the spotting! Did anyone else have spotting then nothing before their first AF after their loss?
> 
> I cant help but let my mind wander! Sorry of you read this on my IC thread but I saw a rainbow today....not that I'm superstitious but cant help but want this to be implantation bleeding. Its so ridiculous to even consider it! I am a total dick!:blush: Can someone bring me back to reality please?????Click to expand...
> 
> Well, I know it's possible to get pg before AF even appears after a loss because you could O, so if you have been BDing without protection in the last week or 2 there could be a chance? I know we didn't BD at all in the time before my first AF, which was exactly 4 weeks after the D&E (which was 10 days after the loss due to retained products). I was too terrified to, and we were advised to wait at least 3 weeks I think, but I didn't at all til she showed. I was too scared of infection. But only you know your dates...is there a chance?Click to expand...
> 
> Well bleeding stopped 14/15th completely we bd 16th,25th dec then 1st 2nd.....really didn't care about getting pg!!! No one told us not too DTD! So maybe a slight possibility. But have had a bit of 'spotting' this eve. So a little bit yesterday n little bit today! I'm sure it's just AF coming but very slowly!
> 
> Nat I might have to try DTD if it worked for you,good tip!xClick to expand...


This morning it looked like lot but now back to spotting. Yesterday I just had tint of it , so it looks like more after DTD


----------



## Nikki_d72

Britney, I'm sorry the photos are all the same, and don't feel bad about not taking any - we only did because the midwife suggested it, otherwise we probably wouldn't have thought of it either. I think the hospital may have taken some too, I never asked them later if they did, but they weren't in my notes when I requested them, so maybe not. We only took 3, one of them wrapped together and then one each of their whole body. I really wish I'd taken hands and feet and closeup of their wee faces, but it was just too sad at the time. There is always regret.

Bride2b, there is a possibility given those dates, was the spotting pink or red or brownish? I think IB is supposed to be pinkinsh or light brown mucousy rather than bright red? If you O'd maybe say 12days after you stopped bleeding (27th) then that would put you at about 8DPO now, the sperm can live for 4-5 days in your body so it is possible. I don't want to build your hopes up though, but I'm sure if you're anything like me you'll be doing a damn fine job of that yourself! I've also read that if you haven't O'd then there isn't enough of a progesterone buildup, then dropoff to then trigger your body to start AF so it can cause lots of spotting until the lining gets thick enough to come away on it's own, I hope it's the former for you though. Our bodies and cycles do seem to change after birth, even if it's early. Everything crossed for you hon.

Helen, I know exactly what you mean by losing your spark, that's exactly how I'd put it too, and yes, you'd think our friends would notice that. like you say though, different folk have different ways of dealing (or not dealing) with grief. I've only been living here for coming up 2 years so nobody _really gets me anyway. My MIL had a similar experience to you when she lost her DH at 59 - her best friend of decades was over and wanted her to put all the flowers and cards and things away, this was while we were still there so must have been within the first 4 weeks! She just couldn't deal with the grief and when she lost her own mother she did just put it all in a box and just shut it away. Their friendship got through it but it took a bit of a knock because of it. I think we've all done amazingly - when I think of the state I was in and we all were, it makes me strangely proud. I do think our angels have taught us all a lot - about our own strength, how much we have to give one another, about humility and compassion and lots of things.

Erica, glad your back is getting better, ouch!

Fiona, yay for HB!

Mhairi, Amanda, Hayley, how are you all? Anyone heard from Joelene recently?

Jenni - how are you doing hon?

Kelly, how you doing?

Nat yay for the witch, here's hoping it's your last one for 10 months...

Hope everyone else is well, our wee family is getting big, so sorry if I haven't named everyone!

xxx_


----------



## Bride2b

Nikki_d72 said:


> Britney, I'm sorry the photos are all the same, and don't feel bad about not taking any - we only did because the midwife suggested it, otherwise we probably wouldn't have thought of it either. I think the hospital may have taken some too, I never asked them later if they did, but they weren't in my notes when I requested them, so maybe not. We only took 3, one of them wrapped together and then one each of their whole body. I really wish I'd taken hands and feet and closeup of their wee faces, but it was just too sad at the time. There is always regret.
> 
> Bride2b, there is a possibility given those dates, was the spotting pink or red or brownish? I think IB is supposed to be pinkinsh or light brown mucousy rather than bright red? If you O'd maybe say 12days after you stopped bleeding (27th) then that would put you at about 8DPO now, the sperm can live for 4-5 days in your body so it is possible. I don't want to build your hopes up though, but I'm sure if you're anything like me you'll be doing a damn fine job of that yourself! I've also read that if you haven't O'd then there isn't enough of a progesterone buildup, then dropoff to then trigger your body to start AF so it can cause lots of spotting until the lining gets thick enough to come away on it's own, I hope it's the former for you though. Our bodies and cycles do seem to change after birth, even if it's early. Everything crossed for you hon.
> 
> 
> 
> xxx

I'm sure its the latter of the two! But who knows,when you want something so bad the mind can play tricks!

X


----------



## Nikki_d72

Bride2b said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> Britney, I'm sorry the photos are all the same, and don't feel bad about not taking any - we only did because the midwife suggested it, otherwise we probably wouldn't have thought of it either. I think the hospital may have taken some too, I never asked them later if they did, but they weren't in my notes when I requested them, so maybe not. We only took 3, one of them wrapped together and then one each of their whole body. I really wish I'd taken hands and feet and closeup of their wee faces, but it was just too sad at the time. There is always regret.
> 
> Bride2b, there is a possibility given those dates, was the spotting pink or red or brownish? I think IB is supposed to be pinkinsh or light brown mucousy rather than bright red? If you O'd maybe say 12days after you stopped bleeding (27th) then that would put you at about 8DPO now, the sperm can live for 4-5 days in your body so it is possible. I don't want to build your hopes up though, but I'm sure if you're anything like me you'll be doing a damn fine job of that yourself! I've also read that if you haven't O'd then there isn't enough of a progesterone buildup, then dropoff to then trigger your body to start AF so it can cause lots of spotting until the lining gets thick enough to come away on it's own, I hope it's the former for you though. Our bodies and cycles do seem to change after birth, even if it's early. Everything crossed for you hon.
> 
> 
> 
> xxx
> 
> I'm sure its the latter of the two! But who knows,when you want something so bad the mind can play tricks!
> 
> XClick to expand...

I know that only too well honey. Still, there's nothing wrong with hope and there is every possibility! You're not out till she shows proper. FX'd.


----------



## kiki04

Nat I am so jealous :rofl: I never thought I would see the day when I said I was jealous of someone else getting AF :rofl:

If on the off chance it did end up I was pg and it just isnt showing for whatever reason... I would already be 7 weeks?!


----------



## jennijunni

Nikki, I am doing very well thank you. Christmas was a bit hard, but we are hopeful that we will become again, and THIS time bring a baby home with us. How are you?


----------



## OliveBay

Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!! :happydance:

Part of me still thinks it would be sensible to wait a month, but maybe we should just NTNP this month and see what happens.... I don't feel like being sensible right now! I've got a new stash of OPKs which arrived yesterday so I might just keep an eye on those over the next few weeks (yesterdays came back almost totally white except for the control line, so at least I know my hormones have gone right down). Just need to wait for AF to come along now. I'm hoping it'll just be like a normal cycle.

My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!


----------



## blav

OliveBay said:


> Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!! :happydance:
> 
> My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!

Yay! I'm glad you've gotten good news from the midwife...that's excellent.

As far as my POAS addiction, OH is aware. In fact, I made him run out with my ON CHRISTMAS to find a place to buy pregnancy tests. I don't think he really knows the extent of it, but he knows mostly! He doesn't tell me I'm crazy, at least to my face :dohh:


----------



## Hellylou

OliveBay said:


> Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!! :happydance:
> 
> Part of me still thinks it would be sensible to wait a month, but maybe we should just NTNP this month and see what happens.... I don't feel like being sensible right now! I've got a new stash of OPKs which arrived yesterday so I might just keep an eye on those over the next few weeks (yesterdays came back almost totally white except for the control line, so at least I know my hormones have gone right down). Just need to wait for AF to come along now. I'm hoping it'll just be like a normal cycle.
> 
> My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!

That's such positive news - FX for you, whether you go for it this month or next. :hugs: It is certainly worth using the OPKs to see what your cycle does this month either way.

My POAS habits are a total secret. I only started with the OPKs last cycle though, but he had no idea! I think men are better off knowing as little as possible!


----------



## yazoo

Girls, sorry I haven't been on in a few days. I find it hard to get sitting down & replying properly when DD is at home. (She's still on Xmas holidays) I don't know what I am going to do when I go back to work on Monday. Thanks for your replies about AF. Looks like its different for everyone. I've missed so much this past couple of days. I have about 10 pages to catch up on so I'll do my best. 

Nat & Krissy- this time last year I was in the exact same situation you both are in and it nearly drove me crazy. CD 64 AF arrived. I really hope it arrives soon. 

OMG Helen, just read your first post about the lines. I'm so excited here. Cant wait to read on. lol

Hi Tia, I am glad you found your way here. Although google can be very informative it usually always brings up horror stories. I'm sorry for your loss. xx

Oh Amanda hun, big hugs. :hugs::hugs::hugs: I can only imagine how you are feeling. That dream sounds awful. For the past 2 weeks I have been dreaming about being pregnant & not feeling baby move, going for a scan & the sonographer saying baby was gone & having to take pills to induce labour. It is so scary. I wouldn't mind that wasn't even how it happened with J. He was alive the whole time & died at the end of labour so i don't know why I am dreaming that. Its amazing how our minds play out our fears. I really hope this passes for you & you begin to feel more confident about this pregnancy. You have had such a rough time recently. Mwah. :hugs::hugs:

Sally I am so sorry hun. Its just so unfair & my heart is breaking for you. Feb will be your month & you will take home your baby. :hugs::hugs:

Britney- thats exactly what I was thinking the other day. Women are much more aware now of early losses because its so easy to grab a test & do it. Thats why I always wait until the day AF is due or a day later. 

I'll be joining the Feb ttcers if it doesn't happen for me this month. 

Ahhhh Helen, just read your update. Congratulations. Woohoooo. :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: I'm so happy for you. :hugs::hugs: How are you feeling? 

Hi Feeble, Fiona is it? So glad your scan went well. I'm Tanya by the way. 
:thumbup:

Girls, i'll catch up with the rest later. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## feeble

Hiya Tanya x yes I am Fiona ;)

I must have written it someone and someone picked up on my name! I am glad they did I feel very at home here! 

I have sonogram dreams too :( 

Hugs to all that need them today x I am feeling very positive x x x


----------



## feeble

Hellylou said:


> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> Hi everyone. I've just spoken to my midwife to let her know I've had a negative test after my bleeding. She was really lovely and actually said that as it was so early (4-5 weeks) to just consider this a late period and there's no reason not to TTC again straight away!!! :happydance:
> 
> Part of me still thinks it would be sensible to wait a month, but maybe we should just NTNP this month and see what happens.... I don't feel like being sensible right now! I've got a new stash of OPKs which arrived yesterday so I might just keep an eye on those over the next few weeks (yesterdays came back almost totally white except for the control line, so at least I know my hormones have gone right down). Just need to wait for AF to come along now. I'm hoping it'll just be like a normal cycle.
> 
> My OH has no idea about my OPK antics - he thinks I just have this amazing women's intuition as to when we need to BD in order to make a baby, and I daren't confess my poas obsession to him!!! Are all of you quite open about your poas habits with your OH or is it your little secret?!
> 
> That's such positive news - FX for you, whether you go for it this month or next. :hugs: It is certainly worth using the OPKs to see what your cycle does this month either way.
> 
> My POAS habits are a total secret. I only started with the OPKs last cycle though, but he had no idea! I think men are better off knowing as little as possible!Click to expand...

Liam knows all about my random poas habit! 

He found it a bit insane to say the least lol!


----------



## yazoo

Natalie, I'm so glad the witch has made her appearance. :happydance:

Girls I'm just reading about what ye were saying about taking pics. Regardless of how many pics you took you will still have regrets. I took quite a few pics of Jakob but I still think oh I wish I had taken some of his feet, I wish I had done this or that. I think we will always find something to regret. We done what we could do in such a bad situation. We were not prepared for it. I have shared J's pics in the photos section here. I just felt an urge to show him off because I know nobody in real life really wants to see him. Apart from a few people of course. 

(Oh and if your wondering how I am reading and typing at the same time, I have 2 pages open on the laptop so I can read and write. lol. Its the only way I can do it when I have to reply to so much. I would forget otherwise.)

Bride- I'm sorry I can't remember your name. Anytime I see a rainbow now too I am thinking oh maybe this will be the month. 

Sally- I am so glad that you can try again. I am quite open with OH about POAS. I don't tell him everytime I do an opk but he will ask if they have been positive or negative. He actually gets quite involved and will ask when I think I am ovulating etc. There are some things I keep secret though eg. checking CM and CP. lol. There's just some things they don'e need to know. 

Yes I read your thread and it said your name. Nice to meet you Fiona- although I hate that it is in these circumstances. 

Nikki- how are you love? I'm sorry your having a bit of a rough time with your neighbour being pregnant. HOw are you feeling? Are you with me with ttc this month?

Ok I think I have got everybody and I'm sorry if I haven't. There was just so much to catch up on. About 13 pages I think. I have nothing really to report, I mentioned about AF coming & I wasn't really as devastated as last month as we weren't trying properly last cycle. It was more NTNP. We figured it would be too much with starting work at the same time as getting a BFP. I think I would have freaked. I still don't know how I am going to handle being back at work when I get my BFP. There is a lot of lifting involved with the kids- The worst is lifting them up onto changing stations. I want to keep my next pregnancy a secret & I don't know how I will do that at work because I really don't want to be lifting the kids. 
I get my blood results back for the clotting disorder next week. is it weird that I almost want me to have the disorder? On one hand I think it will be better if I have it because I will be seen by a high risk specialist and I will get heparin treatment but then on the other hand I am thinking- no Tanya you don't want to have this because it is so risky during pregnancy. I'm really leaning towards wanting to have it though because I will feel much better being treated.


----------



## jennijunni

My worst are or were my OB appointments. Up until I lost this baby girl, I would have such anxiety going to the doctor, and my blood pressure would be high, because I was so anxious. I have a feeling that will never end. When we get pregnant again, I have a feeling it will be just as bad if not worse.

On the dream front though. After my pregnancies, all of them, and while I was patiently waiting for AF, (sometimes I would wait a year since I was nursing) I would have a dream that I started my period, and I kid you not everytime, the next day I would start my period. And it was not always upon waking. sometimes she would not show until night time, but it never failed!! How strange is that??


----------



## Hellylou

Hi Tanya - thanks hun. I'm feeling fine so far, very positive. I keep POAS though just to see if the lines are getting darker, which they were today...:happydance: Been feeling a bit nauseous but nothing major. I really hope this little bean hangs in there! I have to keep a realistic head on though, but underneath I am excited. Cautiously optimistic!

Hope the test results give you the answers you need. Let us know how you get on :hugs:

Good idea with having 2 pages open. I think I might start doing the same, as I am losing track all the time!


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hi Everyone!!!

Nat, I am glad she came..LOL.. Hope everything is positive from now on for you.:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Kelly, where are you girl? :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Hope everyone is doing ok, I will be trying in February, my diet is going well and I am feeling better :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Sally, I am thinking of you and I am so happy you got positive news.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Hope everyone has a great day,XOXOXOOOXO Andrea:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## blav

Tanya---ya for January TTC...I'll also be in the Feb group if we don't get a BFP this month. Looks like we'll both be POAS nutters come the end of the month!


----------



## Bride2b

AF finally arrived BIG time today!!! Glad it's finally here! Hope this accounts for why I have felt so down the last few days and especially today-bloody hormones!

Mum mentioned that my step dads niece has her 20 week scan today...she was 5 weeks behind me. Then my sister piped up & said she looks quite big from photos of her bump she's been showing off on Facebook! So glad that I've hidden her posts from my facebook as don't think I can cope! It put me in an ever shitter (I no its not a word) mood today! Feel so sad I don't have a bump to show off!!& that I don't get to have my baby in my arms in 3 1/2 months!! Makes it worse that her pregnancy was unplanned with a bloke she had only been with less than a year!

Just on my phone so will check in later,love to all x


----------



## blav

Gemma----so great about AF!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: I know it's been torture for you to wait, and now she's here!


----------



## Bride2b

Yes I'm glad its here, was starting to let my mind run away with me!

Its funny about you all saying about poas. My OH knew I was when I was using CBFM last time. I'll tell him when I start using the OPKs but maybe not tell him about everytime - he'll inly get bored anyway! All he'll be interested in is if its time to dtd!! I didnt tell him about all the pills, potions and lotions I used to try and get my BFP last time! In the end all those things didnt matter as all I needed to do was relax about ttc and it worked!

Its funny (sort of) I was reading the replies on here last night & replying & OH wanted to know what I was doing. I told him just replying to a forum -I didnt tell him I have become OBSESSED once again with B&B, he didnt realise the last time I was on here, but didnt visit as frequently before. I didnt want to show him what I was writing just because I'm not sure he will approve of me keep thinking about whats happened & stewing on it. I know thats not what this is all about but I dont think he will see that its helping me - that you are all helping me :hugs:. I just told him I was discussing IC - I was at the time. He said the thought there was something dodgey going on! I guess it could have looked like that! I read out to him my initial post in the IC thread and some of the replies. I'm not sure he was that interested...as the detail is probably too much for a man to handle. I told him I need this place to help me find answers and to get as much info as I can for Mondays appointment & I dont have any friend I can talk to about losing a baby...and this is my only place I can come to seek help and get advice. 

I just dont think he would get how important it is for me to come here and talk about whats happened and everything else we discuss on here....like trying again. I dont think blokes come on these sorts of things. But I honestly dont know what I would have done without you all.

Britney, Andrea & all other Feb TTCers - cant wait!!:happydance: Hope your all well and counting down the days until Feb!

Sally - I am glad the MW said you can try again straight away if you like. But as you say giving your body chance to recover might be a good idea to make sure you are at full fitness. So you have to join in with the Feb TTCers too!!! Yay!

Tanya - hope the test results come back with a good outcome for you. Will you start ttc if you dont have the clotting disorder?

Fiona & Helen hope your both feeling well.

Krissy - has the witch arrived yet? any signs? 

Jenny - your dreams sound really spooky. Just wondered can you dream that I fall pregnant in Feb and announce it in march please???:haha:


----------



## feeble

I'm actually feeling pretty good today thanks britney x 

I didn't expect it to but yesterday's scan has really put my mind at ease and I have had an all day nausea today which is a good (and in my experience) girlie sign :)


----------



## blav

I was just reading that second trimester losses only happen in 1-2% of pregnancies. I don't even know what to think about that. How unlucky we all were or how it would be rare for it to happen again? Ick.


----------



## kiki04

:happydance: Gemma!! :happydance: So glad she finally showed... mine sadly still hasn't :brat:


----------



## feeble

its less than that isn't it? if you see a heartbeat at the 12 week scan its supposed to be 99.1% that it will go to term, so stillborn babies would not be included but our little wee angels are that 0.9%... 

What scares me is that even though statisically there is very little chance of it happening twice... it is the same likelihood for each pregnancy... which we are all painfully aware of hey :( 

Ohhh sorry, i just minged myself out massively :(


----------



## jennijunni

YAY!! Gemma!! I loved it when my period came. Oh, and I will get on dreaming up a baby for you in February!!

Blav, I know what the hell is up with statistics. 1-2% chance my ass! LOL! I had 2 in a row, which sucks big balls. I guess I am a statistical anamoly!! LOL!! Well not next time.


----------



## blav

That does suck big balls jennijunni...not fair at all! Not next time is right, I hope we'll all be in the clear!

:hugs: Feeble, I'm wishing and hoping that all our rainbows will be safe this time around!


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Gang! :hi:

Sorry I've been MIA lately.... 

Think I've been doing OK, think so... I dunno :shrug: Just been living each day as it comes...

How is everyone doing? Missed y'all ... 

Helen, hope you are feeling nice and icky Haha.. Grow lil Bean, Grow... :winkwink:

Andrea, How has the dieting and healthy stuff been going?? This week, I have suddenly "woke up" and kicked myself in the booty... I have to loose this extra weight I've some how found these last few months... Man, I really haven't cared... Enough is enough... I"m ready... I started working out and ran today for the first time.. Felt great! So, I'm only 10-15 lbs heavier, which saying it like that doesn't sound TOO bad but my clothes are screaming other wise... YUCK! So I'm on a mission! LOL! And when I do get to my goal, I am treating myself to a nice pair of (sexy) high heels.. :winkwink: hahahaha

Tanya, I've missed ya! Hope you have been well.. You and DD enjoying time off? I"ll be thinking of ya Monday... I start my classes Monday, I'm dreading them...

Nikki ... I love hearing from you... An instant smile .... Hope all is well in your lil world... Xoxo! How are you in this crazy ttc cycle? 

Nat... AF officially here???? FX'd!

Krissy... How are you Hon' ??? AF finally come??? 

Thinkin' of all you Rainbow Makers... Hope all is well... Rub the bump from Aunt Kelly :winkwink:

Mhairi... I hear your taking a break from here... Hope your doing OK ... Just know your never far from my thoughts and prayers friend... :hugs:

To all the newest friends.... Sending hugs and loves your way! 

Oh yea, AFM ... Tomorrow is the beginning of my fertile time frame, but poor OH is so sick... So, guess we'll see how this goes... :shrug:


----------



## blav

Tell OH to suck it up...you only have a short window! Men are such wimps when it comes to being sick! Just put on some lacy skivvies and a pair of heels and I'm sure he'll suddenly feel much better. :sex: :sex: :sex:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hi Gang! :hi:
> 
> Sorry I've been MIA lately....
> 
> Think I've been doing OK, think so... I dunno :shrug: Just been living each day as it comes...
> 
> How is everyone doing? Missed y'all ...
> 
> Helen, hope you are feeling nice and icky Haha.. Grow lil Bean, Grow... :winkwink:
> 
> Andrea, How has the dieting and healthy stuff been going?? This week, I have suddenly "woke up" and kicked myself in the booty... I have to loose this extra weight I've some how found these last few months... Man, I really haven't cared... Enough is enough... I"m ready... I started working out and ran today for the first time.. Felt great! So, I'm only 10-15 lbs heavier, which saying it like that doesn't sound TOO bad but my clothes are screaming other wise... YUCK! So I'm on a mission! LOL! And when I do get to my goal, I am treating myself to a nice pair of (sexy) high heels.. :winkwink: hahahaha
> 
> Tanya, I've missed ya! Hope you have been well.. You and DD enjoying time off? I"ll be thinking of ya Monday... I start my classes Monday, I'm dreading them...
> 
> Nikki ... I love hearing from you... An instant smile .... Hope all is well in your lil world... Xoxo! How are you in this crazy ttc cycle?
> 
> Nat... AF officially here???? FX'd!
> 
> Krissy... How are you Hon' ??? AF finally come???
> 
> Thinkin' of all you Rainbow Makers... Hope all is well... Rub the bump from Aunt Kelly :winkwink:
> 
> Mhairi... I hear your taking a break from here... Hope your doing OK ... Just know your never far from my thoughts and prayers friend... :hugs:
> 
> To all the newest friends.... Sending hugs and loves your way!
> 
> Oh yea, AFM ... Tomorrow is the beginning of my fertile time frame, but poor OH is so sick... So, guess we'll see how this goes... :shrug:

Really great, Kelly, it is going great!!! :happydance::happydance: I started my diet on December 2nd so far I lost like 13 pds :thumbup: I have been doing the Special K in the morning with banana's added and whatever I make for dinner I eat half. The first couple of weeks is hard, but then your stomach gets smaller and eating more actually hurts . So once you get over the first 2 weeks it's ok. I gave up soda like 8 months ago and over the holidays I drank some and I got SOoooo sick, my stomach was killing me :dohh: So now I just drink water or diet Ice Tea. Got another 15 pds and then I am for sure ready.

Love You All XOXOXOO Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jennijunni

Glad you are back Kelley!! I hope all is well with you! and yay for the running! I love running, I go everyday with my DH. We have a great time on our running "dates!" Yeah, and tell your OH to suck it up!! LOL!! What guy would turn down sex for being sick?? LOL!! I hope you catch the egg this month!


----------



## yazoo

Hey girlies, 
Helen you keep thinking them positive thoughts Hun. This little bean is a keeper. 

Jemma, so glad af came. Woohoo. We have actually been trying since October after the last hospital appt. we were given the go ahead then but it still hasnt happened. :( maybe its a blessing in disguise as I will know for sure if I have the disorder or not when I get my bfp. I got pregnant with DD in feb and Jakob in march, maybe I will get a jan one this time. :) fingers crossed. 

Fiona I'm glad the scan has put ur mind at ease

Hi Kelly, missed u too love. Good on you for going running. You haven't much to lose at all. It will be gone in no time. Either way though ur still beautiful. My diet starts Monday. I feel so yuck after Xmas. I gotta wait til Monday right? New week and all. Lol god I'm full of excuses. I hope you can get oh to bd. :) I'm coming up to that fertile window too.
Britney, I hate statistics now since my loss.. It makes me think I am so unlucky. They mean jack shit to me now. 
Hey Andrea hope your ok hun. 

I'm on my phone & will check in properly soon. Oh and I are child free tonight. DD is going to a sleep over so we're contemplating going for a meal or getting a take away delivery & having a nice night on. ;) I'm looking forward to it. Chat later lassies. :)


----------



## Bride2b

Andypanda6570 said:


> Really great, Kelly, it is going great!!! :happydance::happydance: I started my diet on December 2nd so far I lost like 13 pds :thumbup: I have been doing the Special K in the morning with banana's added and whatever I make for dinner I eat half. The first couple of weeks is hard, but then your stomach gets smaller and eating more actually hurts . So once you get over the first 2 weeks it's ok. I gave up soda like 8 months ago and over the holidays I drank some and I got SOoooo sick, my stomach was killing me :dohh: So now I just drink water or diet Ice Tea. Got another 15 pds and then I am for sure ready.
> 
> Love You All XOXOXOO Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

GO ANDREA! Your almost half way there by the sounds of it! Well done :happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

Ladies do any of you have info in the form of a website or something that helps to explain why women feel so differently in their grief at the loss of a baby than the father. I am really struggling. I feel I can not be sad anymore infront of my OH as he lost his dad a few months back and he is trying his best to deal with that. His mum is also still mourning the loss of his dad too, which is understandable. I feel that my grief on top of everyone elses isnt helping my OH. He wont seek any help as he just gets on with things. I just need him to maybe see that I cant just move on and not dwell on whats happened. I need him to see that however much I try not to grieve it makes my emotions 100 times worse. I feel so selfish for greiving in front of him, but I can not help my emotions. I also feel selfish that I am inflicting pain on him on top of everything, but feel I have a right to grieve. I need to grieve as otherwise I will end up totally screwed up in the head. I just cant stop crying today, I'm just so overwhelmed. So if any of you have some info on how & why women grieve differently to men I would really appreciate it xx


----------



## feeble

My OH is the same, he just doesnt get it... to him it was a sad thing but 'not' that big a deal x 

It really upset me at first but now i realise i just have grieve myself and not let him turn it into hatred x 

they are just wired differently x


----------



## OliveBay

Same here, I know my OH doesn't think about our baby as much as I do. To him it feels like a long time ago and its not that he doesn't care, its just that the whole experience has been so different for him. He wasn't as bonded with the baby as I was, he didn't go through the same physical pain of labour as I did, he didn't have all those crazy hormones running through his body and this is all totally natural. I bought a book called Empty Cradle, Broken Heart after my loss. It is written for people who have experiences miscarriage, stillbirth or sudden infant death. Some of it is a bit cheesy and OTT for me, but its given me lots of affirmation that all the emotions I'm feeling are totally normal. There is a chapter for men and also a chapter about how a loss can affect your relationship. It basically says that it is totally normal for couples to experience grief differently and that conflict, frustration and anger will often follow because couples naturally deal with their grief on different timescales and in different ways, and because the whole horrible experience changes who we are. The advice it gives is to accept your differences and to keep being honest with each other about how you are feeling. 
I'm sorry you're feeling down Gemma, it sounds like you and your OH have had a tough few months. Look after yourselves - you and your OH probably need each other more now than ever before :hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Sorry girls, I've just searched all my bookmarks as I know I read about this at the time, about men and women grieveing differently but I can't find anything now. I will keep searching and report back if I find something. It's all such a haze, the first few weeks but I definitely read about the relationship problems it can cause. 

Tanya, I'm with you this month, on CD12 today but have had really strong body signs of OV since 2 days ago - we've had a full house so only got round to BD last night, so hopefully haven't missed my window. Feel really crampy today. I'm thinking that if last month was a chemical then hopefully I might be extra-fertile this month? Who knows. Trying my hardest to relax about it but it seems impossible. 


Hope you are all well, hugs to those that need them! xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

Hi,

Somebody told me about this product today for shorter periods. I think because mine is too long, i cant seems to find the right time for........

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0021XRMU0/ref=oh_o00_s00_i00_details



Product Description
Effective for:* Heavy Bleeding.** Lengthy Bleeding.Shepherds Purse is a naturalherb which is used to stop heavy bleeding, particularity fron the uterus.It is effective in reducing heavy menstrual periods, and is used to treat postpartum hemorrhage.



Just wanted to share


----------



## kiki04

Natalie did you get like major cramping just before your MIA AF arrived? Cuz wow tonight am I bloated and getting this random on off on off cramping this hurts like an SOB :brat:


----------



## Hellylou

Gemma, sorry things are so tough at the moment. I found this website which has a little info. This is the first section but on the left hand side there are more links - the bit called 'men move on' is particularly interesting. Hope the link works. 

https://www.pregnancy-info.net/men_miscarriage.html

Nikki - total FX for you this month. Hope you caught that little egg :hugs::hugs:

Krissy - hopefully the cramps are a sign of her finally coming! I really hope so x

Andrea and Kelly - great stuff on the fitness regime! Good luck to both of you :hugs: Kelly, hope you manage to pounce on OH at some point the week, sick or not! 

Tanya and Nat - FX for you this month. :dust:


----------



## dnlfinker

kiki04 said:


> Natalie did you get like major cramping just before your MIA AF arrived? Cuz wow tonight am I bloated and getting this random on off on off cramping this hurts like an SOB :brat:

I didnt get cramping, but kind of felt sick to my stomach. At that point i knew thst it ws comming and is a m atter of time. I hope that helps. I feel my cycles are not same afteer d and e


----------



## feeble

Gah :( had a rubbish day, had a dream that i was at some party and a girl i know who is due 2 days before me (so should be ready to pop any minute) was there and being really off/weird with me. 

Woke up feeling just horrid 

Then went into town with OH who decided to just be really off with me, like i had deeply offended him or something and then got really upset when i asked him why he was being so horrid to me, i dont GET It! how is it okay for him to be just a total t**t for HOURS and then when i finally say 'WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NASTY TO ME???' he stands really smugly and says 'can you stop shouting at me please' like THATS the problem :( 

Gah, sometimes i want to just throw him off a cliff i really do!!! 

Back home now, baby is asleep and i need to get on with some housework...


----------



## ericacaca

Gemma, here is a link to what the pastoral midwife gave to us when we lost Eve.... Hubby found it very comforting to read through and helped me to understand a bit of what was going on in a bloke's head: 

https://www.mhfi.org/menandmiscarriage.pdf

It was soooooo difficult last year for both of us. I was so blessed that hubby did all the practical stuff. When we ended up in the hospital he went home to pick some stuff up for me, had a cry and then got EVERYTHING baby related and put it in a box so it wouldnt be in my face when I got home. Hubby is a practical man, and knowing that he couldnt do anything to change what was going on shattered him! I wanted to talk about it all the time, hubby didnt.... but he would let me just talk at him about stuff. On Eve's due date he arranged everything beautifully and I think that doing things about it was all part of the healing process for him. Naming Eve only last week gave us both some closure - even when I thought he has stopped thinking about her it became apparent to me that he hadnt especially when he said that everytime he thought about her the name Eve just made sense. So Gemma, please have hope - he must be going through the grieving process in his own unique way, I really hope that will make sense soon. 

xxx


----------



## kiki04

The cramps were NOT an indicator of AF.... actually thinking it was finally ovulation... on cd53, now cd55. My temps are the highest they have been all cycle :shrug: If so, there were alot of failed attempts for O this month :dohh:


----------



## Bride2b

Thanks all for your help. I think that it all just got too much. With losing his dad, he hates his job, and our baby (which was a really positive thing to look forward to that was keeping him going). I need to grieve & just dont want to burden him with my emotions on top of everything else. I was also freaking about going back to work which is FULL on 100% of the time & didnt know how I was supposed to cope. I met up with a colleague from work today & she basically said stay off as long as I need & my managers certainly dont expect to see me anytime soon & that all my lessons are covered. This is a massive relief as I think I was putting too much pressure on myself to be 'better' when I am not really coping very well. I am hoping we get a bit of reassurance tomorrow at the consultants appointment...I just hope there is news that will help me move on & help reassure me for the future as this is such a major worry as I just dont think I could lose another baby.


----------



## Bride2b

dnlfinker said:


> Hi,
> 
> Somebody told me about this product today for shorter periods. I think because mine is too long, i cant seems to find the right time for........
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0021XRMU0/ref=oh_o00_s00_i00_details
> 
> 
> 
> Product Description
> Effective for:* Heavy Bleeding.** Lengthy Bleeding.Shepherds Purse is a naturalherb which is used to stop heavy bleeding, particularity fron the uterus.It is effective in reducing heavy menstrual periods, and is used to treat postpartum hemorrhage.
> 
> 
> 
> Just wanted to share

These look good & worth a try! Man Krissy I still cant believe your cycle!!


----------



## collie_crazy

Good evening girls, I hope you are well :hugs: I know I dont really post in here often but I do come and read and try and keep up with you all - I'm like a silent stalker! I just dont really have the energy to be on the laptop much so I use my phone to log on and catch up but it makes replying a nightmare!

Helen I dont know if I've said but I'll say it again OH MY GOD CONGRATS!!! :happydance: Is that our first 2012 BFP? Heres to many many more BFPS and rainbows in 2012 :headspin:

Andrea your doing amazingly well with losing weight - keep it up girl! 

Krissy I hope AF comes soon - and stops messing you around.

Kelly I'm sorry AF got you after your trip away - but good luck for this cycle! 

Gemma I'm sorry about what your going through with OH. I went through similar things and thought he really didnt feel the same way about our loss as I did. But then he did and said some things out of the blue that made me realise that he does hurt and he does think about our daughter, he just tries so hard to 'keep it all together' for my sake, and his. And he is much better at putting on a brave face than I am. Perhaps it is the same with your OH. I cant find any of the websites now but I remember reading a lot about how losing a child is different for the mother and father and how actually it can cause the break down in a lot of relationships as both parties try to deal with things differently. 

It did make me think of this poem though - 

It must be very difficult to be a man in grief
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong" no tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult to stand up to the test
And field calls and visitors so she can get some rest

They always ask if shes alright and whats shes going through
But seldom take his hand and ask "my friend but how are you?"

He hears her crying in the night and thinks his heart will break
He drys his tears and comforts her but "stays strong" for her sake

It must be very difficult to start each day anew
And try to be so very brave when he lost his baby too

AFM: I am doing OKish. I have the cold at the moment so basically sneezing, snuffling and coughing my way through the day! I have my psychologist appointment on Tuesday and my next scan on Thursday which I am already panicing about. I keep getting a feeling of dread now that I have passed 13 weeks... as horrible as it sounds I know my hospital will only do a D&C / D&E upto 13 weeks - afterwards you have to deliver naturally and I just cant get that out my mind :nope: 
On a slightly more positive note I appear to have a baby bump that has come from nowhere :haha:


----------



## blav

I made a photo album for OH's birthday of pictures and stuff from the past year and the portion I dedicated to Mateo, I included that poem. I really liked it too I think it's very accurate at describing how a lot of men feel.


----------



## feeble

Morning Ladies! its monday :) i am feeling quite positive about the week (despite a world of cleaning to do! 

hope everyone is well x


----------



## Bride2b

Yay positivity on a Monday morning! great way to start the week!:happydance:

Its D Day today, get my results back in just over an hour. Starting to feel really nervous!

Hope all else are ok this Monday morning xx


----------



## feeble

Oh sweetie x hope it goes okay... well, not Okay but its not something to be mindful of in future and just terrible bad luck :( 

I found i did get a lot of closure with mine I hope you find the same x


----------



## Nikki_d72

I hope you get some answers honey, if not, at least a good plan for next time. GL xxx


----------



## jennijunni

I too hope you get some answers!! Thinking of you!!

As for me, I am cleaning my parents house today. My brother and SIL are coming in from Montreal for their baby shower! I am excited to see them, and to celebrate their baby.


----------



## Bride2b

So I check in at the hospital at colposcopy - thats what one appointment letter said, the other letter said 15 mins later at the maternity ward. I told the woman but she assured me I was in the right place. So I sit and wait for one hour! I say to OH that this is ridiculous, so I get up and go and ask the woman if ive been forgotten. She phones to see where the consultant is....he's been waiting at maternity for us! Off we go to maternity....consultant has been called to A&E! We are told to wait....with new borns, pregnant women etc!!! Anyway OH gets annoyed and goes to ask if there is someone else we can wait given the circumstances, then the consultant arrives! Hurrah!!!!

He basically says there was no infection found, no clotting disorders. My cervix was long when examined.....
He said my group strep b test came back + & - which was from the placenta (I think if I remember) but strep B wasnt found anywhere else, not even on the swab they took from where the placenta was cut where it was attached to Bertie. He thinks the + - might indicate contamination & that its wasnt present as it would have come back in other tests.

So, after not finding any cause he says its good news as there is a 99.9% chance that this will not happen again. He said its good nothing was medically wrong. He said Bertie looked normal and was measuring correctly for the gestation, and sees no reason why there would be a problem with him.

I feel relieved that I am ok in the sense that there is nothing that needs to be monitored. BUT cant comprehend why my baby was born so early & for no apparent reason. My example to my OH is that "it doesnt just rain" there is a process in the sky that causes rain, so something happened for our baby to be born.

I will be seen at 12 weeks next time (TVS) and they will check the length of the cervix (although he didnt think there was any cause for concern, but he is willing to monitor this especially with previous history). I will be scanned at 16-17 weeks and have swabs taken for in infection (think I will ask about checking cervix here - he didnt mention this). 

The consultant & his wife lost a baby at 19 weeks 15 years ago, so he had a 'human side' to him. He was really lovely & very reassuring. He said he would expect to see me more next time & that people will see me quicker as they will mark my notes to show I have had a loss in the past.

I have to now just accept there is no answer & look to the future xx


----------



## feeble

Oh honey :( 

No cause... Oh i dont know how i would feel :( 

Its understandable that you are going to be extra concerned in the next pregnancy hunny, I hope they do realise that and will offer extra scans and care x 

we are all here for you x R.I.P little Bertie Bear x


----------



## Bride2b

I feel more confident that next time I will be looked after and the chances of it happening again are slim. I guess the chances of it happening the first time were slim & it happened. 
I had hoped there might be something to say what caused it.....it doesnt just happen for no reason. There is always a reason why something happens!


----------



## feeble

so what is it 'labelled' as? just premature labour? or did something happen to the baby in utero and you had to be induced? (sorry) xx


----------



## Bride2b

I'm not sure :wacko:

He said I didnt go into labour - I beg to differ. i explained that I had lots of pains through out the day & then some excruciating pains just before my waters went. But he said he couldnt say if they were factors.

I guess its 'just' PROM with no cause. He said he is writing to my GP and will send me a copy. I did take notes but did say there didnt seem to be a cause :cry:

On the good side though he said there is no reason why we cant start trying again now as my body is ok to do so. The only thing he said is that psychologically I might want to grieve & go through that process before starting again as no doubt the next pregnancy will bring up a whole load of new emotions and fears.


----------



## feeble

Wow... Is there any chance you can have a follow up appointment when you have had time to digest all this? 

I would have further questions myself x 

I absolutely didn't go into labour, they had to really force my body to let go of that wee dead girl, I had been holding onto her for five weeks :( 

So it certainly sounds to me like you went into labour, if your waters broke, hmmm honey x I don't know how that would make me feel I must say I Really, Really am feeling for you today x x x x


----------



## Hellylou

Hi Gemma...

Well, that sounds horribly similar to our follow up, and a lot of ladies' appts here too. So often it's just a case of 'we have no idea but it shouldn't happen again'. In some ways that is reassuring, knowing there is no physical cause, but terrifying in that you don't know if you might be in the same situation some time in the future, god forbid!

I know that PPROM caused my loss with no medical reason for it, but I think I had an infection somewhere. Whether that came before the rupture, causing it, or after as a result of it, no one knows, but I had high temp a week before the waters started leaking, and then the pains started.

I think it's just one of those accidents of nature, unlikely to be repeated. For whatever reason, something went wrong in there. It's such a delicate process it's a miracle when it goes right, when you think about it!

Try to take this as a positive step forward. You know that medically there is no reason why it happened, therefore there is no reason why you wouldn't have a perfectly successful pregnancy next time. Just like some women can have an early loss, or several, followed by a successful pregnancy. Something went wrong in a very complex process but it's not likely to happen again. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

feeble said:


> Wow... Is there any chance you can have a follow up appointment when you have had time to digest all this?
> 
> I would have further questions myself x
> 
> I absolutely didn't go into labour, they had to really force my body to let go of that wee dead girl, I had been holding onto her for five weeks :(
> 
> So it certainly sounds to me like you went into labour, if your waters broke, hmmm honey x I don't know how that would make me feel I must say I Really, Really am feeling for you today x x x x

I can do, the consultant was really nice. There are a few tests to come back from the blood I had taken on 28th Dec, but he said these are likely to be clear too as the other tests that have come back would indicate something as the ones to come back are sort of 'further analysis' of these.

I think it goes as far as it happened, for no apparent reason and its not likely to happen again. The pains I got on the run up to delivery were very similar to what I had felt before my waters broke - just a bit more painful. I dont know if it was him moving about in there on something making it uncomfortable....and once my waters broke it was certainly more uncomfortable as I could feel him move (the mw said its because there was no water so it could hurt). I guess its just difficult that he was alive & kicking when I went in....but for some reason had a shitty sac that didnt want to keep him in there!

As Helen says sometimes & for lots of women there seems to be no answer for PPROM. Just got to hope and pray it was an awful one time accident & that it never happens again.

I just want to be pregnant again, and will try after this cycle. I'm glad that we are in the position to go for it. Its kind of bitter sweet, but would do anything to have my baby back x


----------



## jennijunni

Had the baby already died before you delivered him?? I only ask because that is what happened with me both times. The babies were fine, and then they just died, and then I found out when I had some bleeding. With #2, my membranes did rupture, and I knew something was wrong, but the baby had already died. And they found nothing wrong with them either, and we thought all would be well with #2, but it was not. I will be taking asprin and progesterone, JIC. Maybe you should think about doing the same the next time. It is so hard not knowing. I wish I did have something wrong with me, so we could have some control. It is so stressful. I hate not having answers. I am sorry that you did not get all the answers you need. Hugs!!!


----------



## jennijunni

oops, posted at the same time.


----------



## Bride2b

oh, what are the best pre conception vitamins to take? I didnt take any last time...as it was all too confusing! I took folic acid & am taking them again. Do I need to take seperate folic acid with prenatals or does it depend on the brand I take?x


----------



## feeble

Glad your so calm about it x I think that's really positive and I think it might be because you know in your heart of hearts that your next baby will be in your arms for life x


----------



## Hellylou

Bride2b said:


> oh, what are the best pre conception vitamins to take? I didnt take any last time...as it was all too confusing! I took folic acid & am taking them again. Do I need to take seperate folic acid with prenatals or does it depend on the brand I take?x

I took pregnacare pre conception vitamins which have folic acid in them. I was taking them all of last cycle.


----------



## Bride2b

No Jenni, he had a heartbeat when I went in and was moving about all day quite happily! I think he only died in the process of labour as I asked the mw this after I delivered him & she said the stress of labour would have done it!

I asked him about progesterone - he didnt seem to think it would be necessary as there were not any problems with the placenta. He also said without there being a problem he wouldnt want to do anything that could potentially introduce infection if there wasnt any need to have things like progesterone. I can see his point.x


----------



## Bride2b

feeble said:


> Glad your so calm about it x I think that's really positive and I think it might be because you know in your heart of hearts that your next baby will be in your arms for life x

I am quite calm! I am pretty laid back anyway - which I guess is a good thing! I just hope to god your right.x

Thanks Helen...I will have a look where is best to get them. Do you stop taking them after BFP....I guess you do & then go onto the pregnant pregnacare ones? Do you know if the pregnant pregnacare ones have folic acid too. (Although I am about to have a look a them now on the internet!) x


----------



## Nikki_d72

I'm sorry you got no solid answers, Gemma. It unfortunately seems to be the case 9 times out of 10 with pPROM that no answers can be given, it does seem to be a bit of a medical anomaly. It was the same for us, except my swab for StrepB was + as was the placental tests, again there is no way of knowing whether the Strep ascended after the membrane rupture or was the cause of it. I've been promised internal cervical scans weekly from 10 weeks but he was not convinced on the benefit of swabs, I think I'll fight for swabs and you might want to push for weekly cervical checks if you can too. I know infection can cause discomfort in the uterus as they were asking me constantly while I was in hospital if I had any pain as they were worried about sepsis. I would have thought if that was the case for you though that it would have been picked up in your histology. 

As for vitamins, I was told by my MW that most pregnancy multivits over here don't have enough folic in them and she prescribed me some, they are supposed to be 800ug (0.8mg) for best protection so check the labels. At the moment I take a normal multi + an extra folic acid tablet that takes me up to that recommended amount for the first 2 weeks of my cycle, and around OV and after I take a pregnancy multi + folic. I only do this though as the pregnancy ones here cost a small fortune here, otherwise I'd take them all the time. I think the main reason to not take a normal one through pregnancy is the inclusion of vitamin A, which can be toxic to a developing fetus in high doses. If I get pregnant I will include a high dose vitamin C as well as I have read some preliminary studies ponting to the possibility of vitamin C deficiency adding to the risk of pPROM, though the consultant checked my bloods and assured me I was not deficient, but there's no harm in taking Vit C, I was told up to 4000mg daily is fine in pregnancy but that's probably overkill. I'm sorry I can't be of more help honey, I read and read and searched after this happened to me, my consultant even gave me a peer review all about it that only doctors have access to and they all said much the same thing - in most cases there is no known cause - only known risk factors and once these have been discounted they are none the wiser. 
xxx


----------



## Bride2b

Thats very odd that the prenatal vits there dont have enough folic acid in! I didnt know about Vitamin C....so I think I am going to stock up on prenatals and then definately take pregnancy vitamins next time.


How is everyone going with cycles/tww etc....its gone all quiet lately! xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

I am so sorry, I got no answers also. I know how you feel.:cry:
Ava died at 20 weeks no heartbeat. Her cells never grew so i will never know why she passed. It is a very difficult situation, but you just learn to live with it.
I wish you all the best for 2012 and everyone else. This has been a hard year for us all and we all need a little happiness.:hugs::hugs:

I am 41 but my doctor said it would not happen again, it was a fluke. 
It is very scary to me getting pregnant again, but it is more scary not to try.

Hope everyone is doing well..

XOXOXOXOOXOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Nothing new to report here. Still no AF but I think I FINALLY ovulated which means I am guessing she will be here around Jan 20... now I have to wait and see :shrug: BNB has been acting up bad for me lately. Like taking over 1 min to open a new page and its really deterring me from coming on cuz it pisses me off :growlmad:


----------



## dnlfinker

kiki04 said:


> Nothing new to report here. Still no AF but I think I FINALLY ovulated which means I am guessing she will be here around Jan 20... now I have to wait and see :shrug: BNB has been acting up bad for me lately. Like taking over 1 min to open a new page and its really deterring me from coming on cuz it pisses me off :growlmad:


Hi Krissy , 

I hope you will get your answers soon. I know how frustrating it can get , but hang in there , it will show up? Did u take anymore pregnancy test?


Natalie


----------



## kiki04

Yeah I took one yesterday and it was a bfn :shrug:


----------



## jojo23

hey girls how is everyone???

just want to start by saying sorry for being MIA the last while. was so busy inn work over xmas and tired at the end of the day i just went to bed. then with all the family here at xmas and new year it was just mayhem! and to top it all off my internet keeps going down, a fault with the phone line but its only just fixed today!

so anyways said id come on in and catch up! how is everyone? any bfps since ive been gone girls?

im 17 weeks now can you believe it!!!? im waiting patiently for my next scan which isnt until feb 16th. i was really upset having to wait and dont hav money for a private scan but the 16th of feb last year was the day Lily was born sleeping :( so i think i might keep that appointment and take it as a sign that she'll be there watching over me and LO. 

i thought i felt movement on and off the last couple of weeks but really nothing major to make me certain so im just hoping i feel somethin soon for some reassurance lol! i feel like a total lunatic lately still avent relaxed and learned to be calm and let fate work its magic!

hope everyone is really good and sorry again for no word xxxxxxxxxx :hugs:


----------



## ericacaca

jojo23 said:


> hey girls how is everyone???
> 
> just want to start by saying sorry for being MIA the last while. was so busy inn work over xmas and tired at the end of the day i just went to bed. then with all the family here at xmas and new year it was just mayhem! and to top it all off my internet keeps going down, a fault with the phone line but its only just fixed today!
> 
> so anyways said id come on in and catch up! how is everyone? any bfps since ive been gone girls?
> 
> im 17 weeks now can you believe it!!!? im waiting patiently for my next scan which isnt until feb 16th. i was really upset having to wait and dont hav money for a private scan but the 16th of feb last year was the day Lily was born sleeping :( so i think i might keep that appointment and take it as a sign that she'll be there watching over me and LO.
> 
> i thought i felt movement on and off the last couple of weeks but really nothing major to make me certain so im just hoping i feel somethin soon for some reassurance lol! i feel like a total lunatic lately still avent relaxed and learned to be calm and let fate work its magic!
> 
> hope everyone is really good and sorry again for no word xxxxxxxxxx :hugs:

Wow! 17 weeks! :hugs: Thats cool! I know what you mean about movement. I'm feeling some too - but don't want to say for definate, not until Thursday when we can hear heart beat for the first time with midwife - we've not had a 16 week appointment yet because midwife has been so busy! 

I had today off with my back again! I just cried and cried and cried this morning because I couldnt get my socks on! :cry:I'm better now - I think its cus I overdid it at work yesterday. It'll be ok tomorrow as I'm at a different place and the class isnt as big and I don't have to go up or down stairs (I hope!) 

Then I realised that this is the furthest I've even been pregnant. Little Eve left us when at 17 weeks and 6 days. It feels really wierd not having the same symptoms. Mixed emotions at the moment... but at least this little one in me is swimming around ok. And we'll find out for sure Thursday! 

Erica x


----------



## dnlfinker

Hey guys , 

I am about to go to a baby shower for my coworker who was 4 
weeks behind me . I am feeling really poo right now, like literally 
shaking inside . This girl has been so nice to me all this time.she knew 
what happened to me and came to check on me for the past few month
I dont know if I can go , i dont feel strong , I feel so bothered and shaken right now


----------



## ericacaca

dnlfinker said:


> Hey guys ,
> 
> I am about to go to a baby shower for my coworker who was 4
> weeks behind me . I am feeling really poo right now, like literally
> shaking inside . This girl has been so nice to me all this time.she knew
> what happened to me and came to check on me for the past few month
> I dont know if I can go , i dont feel strong , I feel so bothered and shaken right now


Oh hun :hugs: If you REALLY can't go I'm sure she'll understand. You really don't have to go you know.... you need to deal with what you're going through before you do anything for anyone else. I know it sounds selfish but if you're going to be a mess please don't feel bad about not going. I'm sure others will understand too. 

xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

ericacaca said:


> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> Hey guys ,
> 
> I am about to go to a baby shower for my coworker who was 4
> weeks behind me . I am feeling really poo right now, like literally
> shaking inside . This girl has been so nice to me all this time.she knew
> what happened to me and came to check on me for the past few month
> I dont know if I can go , i dont feel strong , I feel so bothered and shaken right now
> 
> 
> Oh hun :hugs: If you REALLY can't go I'm sure she'll understand. You really don't have to go you know.... you need to deal with what you're going through before you do anything for anyone else. I know it sounds selfish but if you're going to be a mess please don't feel bad about not going. I'm sure others will understand too.
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

I must be so selfish:nope: I need just too raise my chin and go , I feel jelous, I should be the one holding my baby girl right now :(:baby:


----------



## yazoo

Gemma I'm sorry you got no real answers at your follow up. My first follow up I git the same news. They said it was one if them things and the chances of it happening again were less than 1%. They took blood and I had to go back an was told that I may have anti phospholipid syndrome which is a blood clotting disorder. I find out for sure this week if I have it. It has to be confirmed after 2 blood tests. I know it's frustrating that you got no answers but the way I looked at it when I got none was that it was a good thing and wouldn't happen again. Now I'm not do sure if it turns out I have this condition. 
Natalie, sorry your being out in this situation. Regardless of how nice your friend is if you don't feel like going or feel you can't cope with it then don't go. 
Eric's I hope your back improves and that the appt goes well. I bet you can't wait to hear your little ones heartbeat. 
Krispy I hope af returns for you. Xx 
Girls I'm shattered. Not used to this working crack. Lol


----------



## yazoo

I've just realised that is a very Irish thing to say and none of you ( bar jojo) prob has a clue what I mean. Lol


----------



## MummyStobe

Hey everyone, really quick update from me.

Had my dating scan today and boy do we have an active little baba, it wouldn't stop moving the entire time we were having the scan done, dancing and waving away, made getting a good picture a bit difficult.

My dates have also been moved forward by 4 days, so that's 4 less to worry about. I'm now 13+2 and got a due date of 15th July. Next scan is 22nd Feb and seeing consultant for first appointment tomorrow.

xx


----------



## feeble

Wow great news!


----------



## KamIAm

Hi Gang!!

Just popping on to check on everyone... Hope all is well! 

Tanya.. Yes, your are throwing in some Irish slang and lost me LOL! hahahaha

Gemma, keep that beautiful chin up, you are so remarkably strong! :hugs:

Nikki.. How in the heck have you been?? Miss ya:flower:

Hayley & Jojo.. Love hearing all the updates! Lil one's are growing so quickly! Wow!:happydance: Can't wait!!

Helen... How are you feeling? Feeling icky or tired yet? 

Andrea... I think of you often... Hope you are keeping well!:hugs:

Natalie... Did you AF ever show up and get situated? I know going to that baby shower is terribly hard, I honestly don't think I could still do it... Be kind and patient on yourself... :hugs:

Krissy... Ok, what the heck? Your AF..Cycle is keeping me baffled! LOL.. It's got to get with the program and stop acting up! :winkwink:

Hope Mhairi is well.... Has anyone heard any updates from her?

AFM... I'm just hanging in there... One day at a time! :flower: 

I am currently super busy with my new semester of classes, keeping me swamped! but that is a great thing! I really need to keep busy:winkwink: I am currently in my BD time frame, should be OV'ing Thursday or somewhere about there... Only attacked the poor OH once tho.. Not been feeling very good lately, icky colds going around my house... Bleh.. So, guess we'll see...


----------



## Nikki_d72

Good stuff Hayley, so glad all is going well! 

Hi Erica, Jojo!

Tanya, hope work doesn't drive you too hard hon.

Kelly, I'm still here, just don't have too much to say...
Mhairi is taking a wee break, there's a thread about it - she needs to stay positive and focus for a while.
GL on the BD, hope you all feel well again soon.

AFM, I'm currently CD15 so about in the 2WW I suppose. I think I OV'ed super-early this month though, don't know what's with that, had fertile mucous on CD10! Had a house full too so couldn't quite get to it, BD the next night and a couple of times since, so we'll see. I'm a bit lost this month. Maybe the possible chemical made my body go into overdrive this month?

Hope you are all well. xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Hi all, hope everyone's well! :flower:

Natalie - I'm probably too late here and you will have either gone or not, but I think I would struggle with that for sure! My New Year's Eve issue was bad enough, and that was just a regular party, but something like that...that's pretty hard, and it's in no way selfish to be feeling the way you do. If you did go, I hope it wasn't too traumatic, and if you didn't, it's perfectly understandable :hugs:

Jojo and Hayley - great news all is well with you, and little rainbows are doing good, this is great to hear :happydance: Also great news about moving forward in dates, Hayley - how exciting!

Erica - the back trouble sounds horrendous, you poor thing. Let us know how it goes on Thurs :hugs:

Tanya - hope results come this week and are helpful to you. Did you notice you called Krissy Krispy? A typo, but it made me smile! :haha:

Kelly - sorry there is poorlyness going round the house at the moment, but you could always try to squeeze in another surprise attack on OH! 

Nikki - hope you're well. Where are you cyclewise? You need to add a ticker so I can stalk! :flasher:

AFM: Well, I'm feeling fine, v tired. Today it's been 4 months since I lost my little baby boy. I haven't cried today, which I think is progress. I feel the sadness, so much, but I can manage it. I am also trying to stay positive now for the sake of this new little one. 

Hugs to all :hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Ah Nikki - that answered my question! Sounds promising on the dates! FX :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

KamIAm said:


> Hi Gang!!
> 
> Just popping on to check on everyone... Hope all is well!
> 
> Tanya.. Yes, your are throwing in some Irish slang and lost me LOL! hahahaha
> 
> Gemma, keep that beautiful chin up, you are so remarkably strong! :hugs:
> 
> Nikki.. How in the heck have you been?? Miss ya:flower:
> 
> Hayley & Jojo.. Love hearing all the updates! Lil one's are growing so quickly! Wow!:happydance: Can't wait!!
> 
> Helen... How are you feeling? Feeling icky or tired yet?
> 
> Andrea... I think of you often... Hope you are keeping well!:hugs:
> 
> Natalie... Did you AF ever show up and get situated? I know going to that baby shower is terribly hard, I honestly don't think I could still do it... Be kind and patient on yourself... :hugs:
> 
> Krissy... Ok, what the heck? Your AF..Cycle is keeping me baffled! LOL.. It's got to get with the program and stop acting up! :winkwink:
> 
> Hope Mhairi is well.... Has anyone heard any updates from her?
> 
> AFM... I'm just hanging in there... One day at a time! :flower:
> 
> I am currently super busy with my new semester of classes, keeping me swamped! but that is a great thing! I really need to keep busy:winkwink: I am currently in my BD time frame, should be OV'ing Thursday or somewhere about there... Only attacked the poor OH once tho.. Not been feeling very good lately, icky colds going around my house... Bleh.. So, guess we'll see...

Hey I was wondering where you are, I miss you. I heard from Mhairi and she is doing good. I miss her also. :cry: At least I get to talk to her on Facebook though. I am doing ok and I hope everyone else is. love you all XOXOOX


----------



## blav

Gemma-sorry you didn't get more information at your appointment. It's so hard not to have answers! You almost wish they'd just make something up and tell you!

Hope everyone TTC this month is having lots of :sex: and that all of our rainbows are doing well!

As for me, just counting the days until my fertile time is upon us. OH and I are both excited about this month and I hope we are not too let down if we don't see that bfp. I have been tracking BBT to see how that goes this month (first time I've tried it). 

Just popping in while I'm at work (shhhhhh).

:hugs:


----------



## kiki04

Kelly- I just started school as well... I am taking 2 evening courses and I am excited about it! I just started this week :dance: What are you taking?

Britney- Good luck and have fun catching that eggie! :happydance:

Andrea- How is the weight loss going? Are you getting excited to start TTC? Its getting close for you :hugs:

Helen- Big hugs to you today :hugs: Those milestones are tough but you sound like you are getting stronger :hugs:

Nikki- Sounds like you have a good chance of catching the eggie this cycle!! I have my fingers crossed for you! :happydance:

MommyStobe- (forgot your name :blush: ) July 15 is my daughters 5th bday :dance: Its a good day to have a baby :thumbup:

yazoo- ( forgot your name too :blush: ) It is tough getting back into that routine hey :hugs:

AFM- I feel VERY confident I finally ovulated and that AF will arrive in 10 or so days :thumbup: If I wake up tomorrow with another high temp, I will feel at ease that this insanity is nearing the end :happydance:


----------



## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Kelly- I just started school as well... I am taking 2 evening courses and I am excited about it! I just started this week :dance: What are you taking?
> 
> Britney- Good luck and have fun catching that eggie! :happydance:
> 
> Andrea- How is the weight loss going? Are you getting excited to start TTC? Its getting close for you :hugs:
> 
> Helen- Big hugs to you today :hugs: Those milestones are tough but you sound like you are getting stronger :hugs:
> 
> Nikki- Sounds like you have a good chance of catching the eggie this cycle!! I have my fingers crossed for you! :happydance:
> 
> MommyStobe- (forgot your name :blush: ) July 15 is my daughters 5th bday :dance: Its a good day to have a baby :thumbup:
> 
> yazoo- ( forgot your name too :blush: ) It is tough getting back into that routine hey :hugs:
> 
> AFM- I feel VERY confident I finally ovulated and that AF will arrive in 10 or so days :thumbup: If I wake up tomorrow with another high temp, I will feel at ease that this insanity is nearing the end :happydance:

Hey,
Thanks for asking.. It's coming along great!! I have lost about 15 pds already :happydance::happydance::happydance: Just have another 15 to go and I am on my way:hugs::hugs::hugs: I may wait till March to TTC not sure yet, but I feel great .. XOXOXO ..I am really happy you are taking some classes that is wonderful, hope they go great for you..
XOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Nat, I am sorry I have not been around I miss you too and I want to talk with you. 
Love You All :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jennijunni

Wow!! Looks like a lot of great news to wake up to today!! I love hearing about bouncing beans, and squiggling babies!! Congrats ladies!! 

I am in the 2WW. Actually I am on CD28 today, so I can test anytime I suppose. Though I dont think I caught the egg this time around. I just dont feel pregnant. We will see what today and tomorrow holds I suppose. I hope everyone is having a great week. Yay for hump day!!


----------



## kiki04

Oh Jenni I didnt realise you were that far into your TWW!!! When are you going to test???

Andrea way to go on the 15 lbs!! :thumbup: Wish I had your motivation :dohh:


----------



## jojo23

hey girls.. know i really shouldnt complain but im at home alone today and feel like crap! lol just need a rant. i was awake all night in so much pain with trapped wind and bloating and i still have it... nothing seems to work and im on my own today as i said so feeling totally emotional and exhausted!!! just so fed up and need a pamper day!lol

phew glad to get that off my chest :)


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> hey girls.. know i really shouldnt complain but im at home alone today and feel like crap! lol just need a rant. i was awake all night in so much pain with trapped wind and bloating and i still have it... nothing seems to work and im on my own today as i said so feeling totally emotional and exhausted!!! just so fed up and need a pamper day!lol
> 
> phew glad to get that off my chest :)

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I know how you feel, my bloating was so bad and it started at 8 weeks up until 20 weeks :dohh: I feel for you. I am so happy you posted I was thinking of you.. You deserve a pampering day :happydance::happydance::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jojo23

thanks andrea!! feeling a lil better now lol think its just tiredness getting the better of me im all emotional! how are you? congrats on losing the 15lbs bet you look fab (even thought you always looked fab im sure!) xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Well done Andrea! I hope you're feeling better Jojo. FX'd Jenni!

love to all. xxx


----------



## ericacaca

Hi ladies. Just me checking in to say and maybe celebrate and say how scary it is thinking that this is the longest I've ever been pregnant for! And I really don't know how to feel about it. I watched One Born Every Minute tonight and just couldnt stop crying! I REALLY want this baby! And really hope that we get to hear heartbeat tomorrow with midwife..... argh! 

Sorry about the rant :-( 

Hope you're all well

Erica x


----------



## jojo23

ericacaca said:


> Hi ladies. Just me checking in to say and maybe celebrate and say how scary it is thinking that this is the longest I've ever been pregnant for! And I really don't know how to feel about it. I watched One Born Every Minute tonight and just couldnt stop crying! I REALLY want this baby! And really hope that we get to hear heartbeat tomorrow with midwife..... argh!
> 
> Sorry about the rant :-(
> 
> Hope you're all well
> 
> Erica x

awe erica longest you've been preg..what a milestone hun it can only get better!!!! i cant even watch one born every minute anymore it makes me cry my eyes out lol. heres hoping for a brill app tomorrow and getting to hear LO's hb xxxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## jennijunni

Hugs Erica!!! I know how excited, and scared you are. I hope you have a great appointment tomorrow!!

Okay, CD28 for me, BFN :( and I think I am going to start my period tonight. I am starting to feel like it is about to come on any minute. Oh well. Next month right??


----------



## Andypanda6570

ericacaca said:


> Hi ladies. Just me checking in to say and maybe celebrate and say how scary it is thinking that this is the longest I've ever been pregnant for! And I really don't know how to feel about it. I watched One Born Every Minute tonight and just couldnt stop crying! I REALLY want this baby! And really hope that we get to hear heartbeat tomorrow with midwife..... argh!
> 
> Sorry about the rant :-(
> 
> Hope you're all well
> 
> Erica x

Don't ever be sorry , you are aloud to rant as much as you want ..:hugs:
You will hear the heartbeat and everything will go great, you will see :kiss::kiss: Please don't cry , you will be fine I know it. I can only imagine the worry , I would be petrified , but that is only natural to feel like this. Please update as soon as you can how your appointment went, I am waiting ya know :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Love xoxoxoxo Andrea


----------



## collie_crazy

I really should just stay away from the pregnancy forums they make me want to scream at some people :( someone has posted a thread about how her horrible it is that her bil had posted a photo of their little daughter who was stillborn at 20 weeks. 

Why should our babies be hidden away as though they are some shameful dirty little secret!? 

As many of you know since
Losing Emily I have had her name in the Sand pics or her footprints as my profile pic. I actually had a 'friend' send me a message about the footprints tellin me they upset her as she had a loss at 6 weeks and it made her think of it everytime she seen the pic and could I take it down! Needless to say she was deleted pretty quickly!

I'm actually quite upset / angry now :cry:


----------



## jennijunni

Im sorry you were made to feel badly. Lots of hugs!!!


----------



## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> I really should just stay away from the pregnancy forums they make me want to scream at some people :( someone has posted a thread about how her horrible it is that her bil had posted a photo of their little daughter who was stillborn at 20 weeks.
> 
> Why should our babies be hidden away as though they are some shameful dirty little secret!?
> 
> As many of you know since
> Losing Emily I have had her name in the Sand pics or her footprints as my profile pic. I actually had a 'friend' send me a message about the footprints tellin me they upset her as she had a loss at 6 weeks and it made her think of it everytime she seen the pic and could I take it down! Needless to say she was deleted pretty quickly!
> 
> I'm actually quite upset / angry now :cry:

I saw that thread and it was upsetting. I was going to post on it but I didn't. I think people who have not went through this just don't understand and they don't mean to be judgemental but they are. It is ok don't be upset. How are you feeling, Amanda? I miss you..XOXOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## feeble

Oh Collie how horrid that you have been made to feel bad x 

so sorry, you should feel proud to show your daughter off as you would with any child, you grew her! Shes yours x 

much love and if people do not want to see your angel they dont have to look!


----------



## jojo23

Amanda i actually read that same thread and was also disgusted...she prob could have chosen a better way for it to come across... i couldnt get any of Lilys footprints unfortunately but if i had i would have loved sharing them with my friends/family that are far away and obviously facebook is a good way to do that. its your profile at the end of the day and who is anyone else to say what you should and shouldnt put on it! id be proud to show off any of our little angels xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Krissy - Bloody hope you did OV - hope you did your best to catch that egg!! I know hubby was off soon...has he gone? Fingers crossed xx

Britney & Nikki - Good luck ladies hope you caught that egg! TWW hell!!!!

Nat - did you go to the baby shower? Hope your ok?

Hayley - hope you get loads of BDing done....its eggy time for you isnt it?

Andrea - keep going with the weight loss - its fab! I want to get rid of the weight I have put on (I think only a stone maybe...everyone else says I havet put any on but I think I have!) Your an inspiration. Not long now...even if you do decided to wait until March. We will be starting ttc together as I am end of Feb/March xx

Ericacaca - hope the mw appointment went well xx Make sure you let us know how it went.xx

Jojo - hope your feeling ok now, not long really until your scan...it'll come round soon enough. 

Tanya - have you got your results back yet? How'd you get on?

Mummystobe - yay for getting an actual EDD! Lovely July baby! Glad baby was having a good old dance about in your belly!! Great news xx

Helen- hope your feeling good xx

Fiona - hope your ok too

Amanda - some people are so insensitive. Does this friend consider that your babys footprints are special to you and that you are proud to be a mummy and that your angels footprints are about all you have to remember her. I dont mean to be insensitive but a loss at 6 weeks can surely not be as hard as a second tri loss. I'm sorry to say that a miscarriage is awful regardless of the gestation but at 6 weeks you know that there is a higher risk that the baby may not make it...and its only really just starting to form.

Jenni - sorry for BFN, thats crap hun xx Are you def out do you think. Big hugs anyway.

Sally - how are you doing hun?

I really really hope I've not left anyone out!! There are so many of us now! But thank goodness that so many are now baking their rainbows. I have a feeling there has got to be another BFP soon as there are quite a few on the TTW!!!:happydance:

AFM - I ordered the Pregnacare 'his & hers' OH was a bit like "what have you ordered that shit for" think it might take some convincing that "that shit" will hopefully give him super strength swimmers so we dont have to wait ages for our next BFP! He's keen to try again which is good! 
I am feeling very down at the moment. I think its because I think people expect me to be 'better' now and to have moved on. But I havent. I desperately want to have a little something in my arms, and just feel like a piece of me is missing. I am not back to work yet as I am too emotional to deal with the real world. I am keeping myself busy with sorting out stuff for our wedding like our wedding website & menus, so its not like I am just sat around all day doing nothing. But even doing these things my mind doesnt wonder too far from the reality that I dont have my baby growing inside me anymore. I almost feel like I am the only one who is not coping. You ladies all seem so strong. Its going to be 7 weeks on Monday...were you all back to work & normality by then?


----------



## feeble

I am really good today thanks x 

hit 8 weeks pregnant yesterday and had a day of MS to remind me to eat in the morning ;) 

today i have gone to No1 on the list for a beautiful COTTAGE with open fire in a little village on the council!! cant quite believe it might be ours... 

tax credits have decided to rip us off awfully but the council look like they are pulling their thumb out today and are helping us out :) 

Also it feels like spring time outside!! really beautiful and sunny and warm which has put me a in a good mood :) 

I hope everyone is okay x I was going to say, when trying for this baby we got some individual lube packs, its a sperm friendly/help the swimmers lube and then a vagina friendly/gets ph balance back to normal lube for when your not OVing, it worked for us! 

we have a few of them left, they are in individual little packs so not 'contaminated' or anything, they havent even left the box! so if anyone wants any please let me know!! xxx


----------



## Bride2b

Oh wow, that cottage sound idyllic - perfect for a new start & a new addition to the family! Can almost picture it in the snow too!!!

Whats the lube called? Tell me MORE!!! ha ha. How does it work exactly? I got a bit confused about the ph thing then OVing / not OVing.

I brought preseed last time (not really sure if that was any good TBH!) Do think I used it when we got our BFP...think I'd given up by then!!!

x


----------



## feeble

It's called yesyesyes lube and I bought it because preseed gives me awful thrush! 

It's organic and certified by the soil association, very cool! 

I found it better than preseed I must say and was a lifesaver when we felt we 'should' bd but couldnt really be arsed! I will try and find the splurb about the ph balance but it's something like the vagina changes after ovulation and it's shown that if you use a ph balancing stuff it makes it more likely for you to conceive the next time round because the vagina isn't so acidic, or something...


----------



## Bride2b

P.s I've just changed my avatar! I found this picture on the internet by accident like a year or so ago and thought it was soooooo cute. If only I had known the relevance of it! Anyway I think its soooo sweet x


----------



## feeble

It's called yesyesyes lube and I bought it because preseed gives me awful thrush! 

It's organic and certified by the soil association, very cool! 

I found it better than preseed I must say and was a lifesaver when we felt we 'should' bd but couldnt really be arsed! I will try and find the splurb about the ph balance but it's something like the vagina changes after ovulation and it's shown that if you use a ph balancing stuff it makes it more likely for you to conceive the next time round because the vagina isn't so acidic, or something...


----------



## Bride2b

feeble said:


> It's called yesyesyes lube and I bought it because preseed gives me awful thrush!
> 
> It's organic and certified by the soil association, very cool!
> 
> I found it better than preseed I must say and was a lifesaver when we felt we 'should' bd but couldnt really be arsed! I will try and find the splurb about the ph balance but it's something like the vagina changes after ovulation and it's shown that if you use a ph balancing stuff it makes it more likely for you to conceive the next time round because the vagina isn't so acidic, or something...

YESYESYES!!!! I love it already....how much do you want for it....it sounds awesome! Hope it works for me too......right i'm going to google it now! Maybe we can start a thread called 'Yesyesyes babies' ha ha ha. Sounds good if it works when you are having an "I cant be arsed to get jiggy moment!!!"
x


----------



## Bride2b

Cool just found it https://www.yesyesyes.org/yesbaby.htm

Do you use all the tube in one go? Doesnt really give instructions but I guess they come with instructions! 

When I used preseed it was WAY to slippery! Sorry TMI! You certainly didnt need the recommeneded (fuck it I cant spell today!!) amount!


----------



## kiki04

Forgot to tell you all- I am doing a great job quitting smoking!!! :happydance: I am down to one pack a week now :dance: My cost went from $120/month to $40/month so far!!! :happydance:


----------



## dnlfinker

kiki04 said:


> forgot to tell you all- i am doing a great job quitting smoking!!! :happydance: I am down to one pack a week now :dance: My cost went from $120/month to $40/month so far!!! :happydance:

go krissy go krissy! You are getting in "ready for the baby mode"


!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Hellylou

Gemma - I think by the 7 week mark I had gone back off work sick again, or was about to, so please don't think you're not strong, and everyone else is! I went back to work after a month, but had a severe case of denial, and 3-4 weeks later I was back off for a couple more weeks after having a total meltdown at work. In many ways, 2 months on was way harder than 1 month. Then 3 months was grim, but 4 months has felt better, but far from 'normal', if there is such a thing after such a loss. You're doing great :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Sounds great with the vitamins - love your OH's reaction to them! But I do believe they are a good idea, not just to improve chances of conceiving, but for general health. You've taken a massive knock to the system and you need to be at full fitness ready for your rainbow.:happydance:

Don't know anything about preseed or similar. I never knew it existed til I joined bnb. I hope it all helps!


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## Hellylou

Hi Nat - how did the baby shower go? Did you go in the end?


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## feeble

Oh you can have a few for free x no charge just pm me your address x


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## dnlfinker

Hellylou said:


> Hi Nat - how did the baby shower go? Did you go in the end?

THanks Helen, 

I ended up gatherring myself together and going. THank God it was so quick , just picked a piece of cake and left :) . I cant believe it bothered me so much. I actually just found out that another of my coworkers is pregnant so there will be another one soon ! It more or less having to do with me obssesed with pregnancy and annoying PCOS that is getting in my way. 
Recently I read about the surgery that can be done to help with my problems , but it seems like the risk of damage is more ->so much for that thought. :dohh: I am just still very confused and puzzled how to get pregnant with my problem (drug , surgery and other intervention freee). There is one more solution that is known to help , the weight lose. I have to catch up with Andrea on that and its hard these days wink :haha:wink. I have been attacking sugar big time nowdays , I just cant seem to control myself. As bad as it sound , I can eat sugar for breakfast lunch and dinner without actually eating lunch/ dinner :) . Yes I will be joining SUGARANNANOMOUS


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## Hellylou

Ah well done for braving it! Glad it wasn't too traumatic :hugs: 

I don't know much about PCOS - I know my friend has it and took clomid to get pregnant with her two, but I don't know much about surgery for it.

Losing weight is tough. If I can be any help there...I was always a little overweight but then in 2005 my weight ballooned in a year through massive overeating whilst unhappy in my job (different career - now I love what I do). I changed career and went on a massive drive to shed the weight. I just cut my calories to something like 1000 - 1200 a day, and exercised every day doing different fitness videos so I didn't get bored. I lost 3 stone in weight (42 pounds), and it has stayed off - well, it did until I got pregnant in June last year...! I think the biggest motivator was seeing the weight coming off. Once it started, I was addicted, and I think it took the best part of a year for it to completely come off, but I then just went onto a better diet with better portion sizes with no snacking in between and no eating after about 6pm. I never denied myself the stuff I liked - I just made sure I didn't eat too much of it, and made sure the calories stayed low in total for the day. I remember keeping a food diary - I just wrote on the white board in the kitchen everything I ate in a day. It makes you notice what you eat a lot more.

Just thought I'd share that, if it's any help! :hugs:


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## Bride2b

Thanks Helen...I guess if I stop worrying about what other people think I might actually start feeling better! I cant believe what goes into those tiny pregnacare tablets!!! I will make him take them! Lord knows what he'll think if I start using the yesyesyes - I never told him about the preseed.....think he thought he was doing a good job when I used it without him knowing LOL! Sorry tmi!!!

Nat, well done for going to the baby shower! Very proud of you xxx

Fiona....PM coming your way darling!!


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## Hellylou

Gemma, that's hilarious :haha:


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## feeble

ffs! Gem i got your message and i tried to reply but it wouldnt let me the bugger!

i will send them when i next have a few quid, dont worry about paying me back, just sharing the love innit x


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## kiki04

Natalie :hugs: I have been there :hugs: I was pg with a coworker of mine. I would go chat with her everyday and we would laugh and joke about all the "fun" things pg bring.. like bumpy nipples, peeing yourself and sexy dreams :haha: We became pretty good friends, and she was only 1 week behind me. After I lost Hadlee, she was afraid to come around me. I didnt see her for a couple weeks, but in my mind I convinced myself, it isn't fair to her, to push aside a joyous time in her life because I was going through something terrible. So I finally went and visited her in her department and it was awkward but each time got easier. She knew there were times I was envious but yet we stayed friends. Then came her baby shower. She knew it was a boy, his name is Liam :cloud9: I was invited and really wanted to go. So off I went shopping for itty bitty newborn stuff feeling quite empty and sad, but yet still sooo happy for her. I went to the shower, and in the card I wrote something kind of sentimental and as she read it she kind of looked up at me, I had tears in my eyes and she knew it was tough for me and didnt push it. I was due nov 4 and she had Liam Nov 9th... and I am head over heals in love with that little man. It is like I live vicariously through her and I am going to get some little Liam snuggles on saturday to soak up all his newborn goodness :cloud9: It was very tough so koodos to you for going... its one more step in a positive direction :thumbup:


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## OliveBay

Hi all, just popping in to say a quick hello to you all :hugs:

Gemma, I went back to work after 7 weeks off and looking back now I don't know how I did it, I really should have stayed off longer. I'm still feeling like its getting a bit easier every day, but I still don't feel back up to my full capacities if you know what I mean? Everything is a bit harder and takes more effort and attention than it used to. 

I've been rather up and down since new year really. Am getting more and more sad as my due date approaches (22nd Jan) and the celebs who were due around the same time as me are starting to have their babies. I feel like I've taken a bit of a step backwards in my grief and am back to constantly thinking 'its just not fair. why me?' I know this is a probably normal and will pass, but the due date is such a huge thing isn't it?


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## Bride2b

OliveBay said:


> Hi all, just popping in to say a quick hello to you all :hugs:
> 
> Gemma, I went back to work after 7 weeks off and looking back now I don't know how I did it, I really should have stayed off longer. I'm still feeling like its getting a bit easier every day, but I still don't feel back up to my full capacities if you know what I mean? Everything is a bit harder and takes more effort and attention than it used to.
> 
> I've been rather up and down since new year really. Am getting more and more sad as my due date approaches (22nd Jan) and the celebs who were due around the same time as me are starting to have their babies. I feel like I've taken a bit of a step backwards in my grief and am back to constantly thinking 'its just not fair. why me?' I know this is a probably normal and will pass, but the due date is such a huge thing isn't it?

Sally, I've been thinking of you....
Was just hoping that your ok after recent events on top of everything else xx
I hear that the due date is hard, but things get easier after that point as you can stop counting how many weeks pregnant you should be. But then dont people start thinking about how old the baby should be? I dunno??

:hugs:


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## OliveBay

Thanks Gemma. I'm generally doing ok (in between my sad moments), but I'm so glad I've got this place to reassure me that I'm not the only one going through this. :hugs:


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## feeble

I'm the same olive...my baby would have been due this time next week and it's hard :( 

Just wish I could fast forward past it really...


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## OliveBay

Its just impossible *not* to think about the things that could have/ should have been....:cry:

Thinking of you Fiona. The next couple of weeks will certainly be tough for us both. Hope your little rainbow's coming on nicely. Fingers crossed that mine will be along soon :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

OliveBay said:


> Its just impossible *not* to think about the things that could have/ should have been....:cry:
> 
> Thinking of you Fiona. The next couple of weeks will certainly be tough for us both. Hope your little rainbow's coming on nicely. Fingers crossed that mine will be along soon :hugs:

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Just wanted to say i wont be around for a bit, I wont get into it here but I don't feel comfortable in this thread anymore so it is best for me to back away before something goes on in this thread that i don't want to, this a TTC thread and I don't want trouble on it, but I can't stay here for reasons I would rather not say at this time.
Love you all XOXOOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## feeble

OliveBay said:


> Its just impossible *not* to think about the things that could have/ should have been....:cry:
> 
> Thinking of you Fiona. The next couple of weeks will certainly be tough for us both. Hope your little rainbow's coming on nicely. Fingers crossed that mine will be along soon :hugs:

I feel for you honey it must have been so hard the last little while x I am sure your little rainbow will be baking soon :) 

:hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Andypanda6570 said:


> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> Its just impossible *not* to think about the things that could have/ should have been....:cry:
> 
> Thinking of you Fiona. The next couple of weeks will certainly be tough for us both. Hope your little rainbow's coming on nicely. Fingers crossed that mine will be along soon :hugs:
> 
> Thinking of you and wishing you all the best :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> Just wanted to say i wont be around for a bit, I wont get into it here but I don't feel comfortable in this thread anymore so it is best for me to back away before something goes on in this thread that i don't want to, this a TTC thread and I don't want trouble on it, but I can't stay here for reasons I would rather not say at this time.
> Love you all XOXOOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

I hope you're Ok Andrea? If one of us has upset you please tell us, I'd hate to think any of us are hurting you without realising? Much love xxx

ETA: It's not just a TTC thread anymore either, we've turned it into a free for all, haven't we! I hope you are OK hon.


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## jennijunni

I hope all is well Andrea. I am sorry you are feeling this way. Hugs, and I hope to see you back soon!!


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## kiki04

Andrea :( I hope everything is OK and I didnt say anything to upset you :hugs: :hugs:


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## Hellylou

Andrea - hope everything's ok. This isn't just a TTC thread, it's an everything thread now. I would hate to think something was bothering you and you couldn't tell us...please don't stay away :hugs:

Well, I'm having Friday the 13th feelings today...I found very light brown tinged CM this morning and I am a bit crampy. Seeing the doc later this morning (which I was going to do anyway - I still haven't told her I'm pregnant) but for me this is a bit of a worrying sign. Last time with Thomas I had pinky CM before AF was due, which was unusual, and then quite heavy brown bleeding for a full week at 6-7 weeks. I think that was a sign that all was not 'secure' in there for me. And now I am seeing something unusual at 5 weeks and alarm bells are starting to ring. If this is a sign that once again it's not a sealed secure environment in there, I don't know what I will do. I can't go through that again, I just can't...


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## feeble

Sweetie I had that at 5 weeks with jasper who is clearly now a big baby so try not to worry until you know sweetie x


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## Nikki_d72

Oh I hope eveything's OK Helen, I'm sure it is but I can understand how worrying this must be for you. Positive thoughts coming your way sweetie xxxx


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## Bride2b

Helen hun I know that you must be scared, but 'spotting' and bleeding is VERY normal during pregnancy and I am sure that deep down you know this. Keep positive & try not to worry. I know its easier said than done. Please let us know how you are xxxxx

Andrea :hugs: I hope your ok if your still lurking, we are here for you & would hate to think that you were uncomfortable with anything xxxxx If your lurking but not able to reply, dont go too long & keep up the great work with the weight loss hun xx:hugs:


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## collie_crazy

Oh Helen I hope everything is ok *hugs* I know how scary bleeding / spotting can be oneself pregnancy but it doesn't always mean bad things. Thinking of you xxx

Gemma I was off work for a total of 11 weeks after my loss. At 7 weeks I was in no way shape or form back to normal. And there was no way I could have went back to work. Although everyone does deal with things differently. There is no right or wrong time line for this *hugs*

Andrea *hugs* you know I don't want you to go but i understand why you feel you need to. Just please please know we are always here for you - you have been such a strength to me over the last 5 months and I don't know where I would be without you. 

AFM: I posted our scan pic on facebook yesterday. I was absolutely terrified doing it but OH really wanted to tell people so I took a deep breath and went for it. I'm still so scared because it's 'out there' now and its making me a bit uneasy. I can't even properly explain why really :(


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## Hellylou

Thanks girls. Saw doc this morning and it's too early to have a scan at this point, so if it gets any worse, they could scan in a week's time. It really was very light - hardly what you would call bleeding, just a brown tinge to the CM, which hasn't been there until now. It seems a little less now, but I am checking like crazy at the moment. I am hoping that because of the timing it might be implantation or something. It certainly doesn't look at this point like what I experienced at 6-7 weeks last time. It just feels like the bubble burst a bit - I was thinking this time it would be easier on me with less worrying. I am trying to stay positive though. Fingers crossed that's it, and there wont be any more. I'm so glad I have you all.

I also rang to book in for my scan - GP wanted me seen earlier but when I spoke to the hospital they said they wouldn't see me before 12 weeks, but are going to check with someone on Monday to confirm. My previous history doesn't warrant it, apparently, even with GP requesting earlier scan. So basically I wait til 12 weeks before I know all is well, unless I get early bleeding...great. I may get a different answer on Monday, we'll see.

Amanda - your scan photo is lovely, and your words about the rainbow made me cry. (I may borrow those at some stage if all is well xxx) I can understand your unease about announcing it - it's out there now, and everyone knows, but I think this is your rainbow after the storm, and it will be a beautiful outcome this time. :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

collie_crazy said:


> Oh Helen I hope everything is ok *hugs* I know how scary bleeding / spotting can be oneself pregnancy but it doesn't always mean bad things. Thinking of you xxx
> 
> Gemma I was off work for a total of 11 weeks after my loss. At 7 weeks I was in no way shape or form back to normal. And there was no way I could have went back to work. Although everyone does deal with things differently. There is no right or wrong time line for this *hugs*
> 
> Andrea *hugs* you know I don't want you to go but i understand why you feel you need to. Just please please know we are always here for you - you have been such a strength to me over the last 5 months and I don't know where I would be without you.
> 
> AFM: I posted our scan pic on facebook yesterday. I was absolutely terrified doing it but OH really wanted to tell people so I took a deep breath and went for it. I'm still so scared because it's 'out there' now and its making me a bit uneasy. I can't even properly explain why really :(

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I feel the same way, Amanda..


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## jennijunni

Hugs Helen, that is a bit scary, but I found with me, the more pregnancies I had the more likely I was to bleed in the beginning. I hope you are able to have some comfort, and peace. Lots of hugs!!!

Andrea, hugs!!

AFM, CD30 here, and I am pretty sure I O'ed, so I am 2 days late, and still have BFN's, so just waiting for my cycle to reset. I hope it does soon!! LOL!!


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## kiki04

I got you beat Jenni.. Im on cd60 :haha:


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## Bride2b

Helen I had brown tinged cm for a bit at about 9 weeks or so then a bleed about 12 weeks (not loads but enough to worry - but it was very dark not bright red which is what they get concerned about) It could well be implantation. I'm so sure it will be fine. All I can say is f***ing NHS, if your doctor said you could get an early scan then that bloody well what you should have!!!! It makes me angry! Are they going to mark your notes with a sticker to signify a previous loss? Did you tell the hospital the circumstances? If they do know then I think they are pretty crap for not booking an earlier scan for you and that its quite insensitive! I hope you get an earlier one than 12 weeks as its nice to see the little one in there to ease the mind!

Amanda - yay for being brave about facebook! can you post the scan pic on here for us to see? I was never brave enough to do the whole facebook thing and banned everyone from saying anything on there. Luckily only close friends & family knew we were expecting so all the other 'friends' dont know. I feel a bit relieved about this but also really upset that many people dont know that my special little boy existed and I feel I have denied him an existance (even though most of the 'friends' are just people I know from school etc who I dont see). 

xxx


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## KamIAm

Helen, I'm thinking about ya .. I know it's a lot easier said than done but try to remain positive and calm.. I know I'll be a nervous wreck when I conceive my rainbow ... Eek!! I hope to God you get a scan sooner than 12 weeks! Ugh! That's a LONG dang time :wacko:

Andrea, I know 100% what you mean ... I'm feeling the same.... Just know YOU only know what's right for YOU.. As I always say.. You do what you need ... Always know you will always have a place to fall back on, if ever need be...

I have been having some thoughts and feelings lately... Since I went away on my vacation, and I wasn't plugged into BnB daily (I actually used to log in several times a day) ... I feel a bit different now, and differently about being on here... I feel better..... Like, REALLY better.... After I took some time away and stopped living with my loss and just living... Wow.... I see things and feel so differently, I honestly don't know how to explain it... Like the chains have been broken ... I am not JUST a woman who's daughter was born sleeping 9 and a half months ago... I am Kelly ...I am alive... I have 4 living children, a wonderful fiancee, amazing friends (lots on here) .. I go to college to be a nurse ... I love music (right now, I'm obsessed with Adele... I know, us American's are a bit behind LOL) ... I love shopping (YES! again)... I love to read (not just stories of death and grief) ... I love life again friends ... I will NEVER forget my Emma or ever try to, EVER... I will not ever stop doing things for her and in honor of her, I'll never stop visiting her lil grave at the cemetery, I"ll never stop planting a beautiful flower garden for her in my yard, I'll vow to never stop speaking of her and including her in our family .. (In fact, while driving the other day, my youngest son, who's 8, asked if we could please go see Emma." That made my heart smile... They still remember her! I used to take them out to the cemetery once a week to see her grave, I'd go about every day, but since we've been back from vacation I haven't taken the kids out, guess I thought if they asked I will but don't wanna shove death down their throats anymore like I was doing... But they noticed and wanted to go visit :flower:) 

I am not sure if this even made sense... I just sat down and started my usual ramblings ...

I can't tell you enough how this forum..this section..with you amazing women have saved my life... Truly... I know if I didn't have this place to come to and vent, listen and just be surrounded by you all... I know I'd be in a very bad, dark place... Each and everyone of you was my lifeline .. And, I am not saying that lightly ... 

I have decided to take a step back... not log in here everyday.... I of course will log in still to check in on you all... For those who have added me on facebook- you will certainly find me there daily ... If you want my email address, just private message me and I'll send it to ya cuz I would LOVE to remain in contact with you all .... 

I am guessing this is my time, for now.... I know this journey is a rollercoaster ride and we'll see what tomorrow will hold... Until then.... Take care of each other, always be kind, when reading someone's rantings or venting and you disagree, always stop and think about that person and don't just pop off with your opinions-that person more than likely isn't thinking clearing and just needed to talk.. :hugs:

This isn't a permanent goodbye.... Just a wee bit of a break:flower:

Thank you all for everything! :flower: :hugs: 

I'll be back!!! :kiss:


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## kiki04

Kelly :hugs: Totally understand :hugs:


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## Hellylou

Sounds like a we have a few of our ladies leaving lately, which makes me sad. :cry: I do totally understand, though. I can understand the need to get back to normality and the real world and heal. At one point I did wonder if this place was holding my recovery back, and perhaps keeping me focused on what went wrong, but I don't think it has, at least not at this stage. I get a lot of strength and comfort from knowing that I am not alone, and also it helps to be able to support others through this terrible process as they find themselves here. It doesn't, for me, keep my loss fresh in my mind. I think personally I have found a better state of mind outside of this place _because_ I come here. It has helped me to balance.

Now that I have a rainbow growing, who I really hope is safe and well in there (the brown CM seems to have stopped now) I still feel the need to come here and share and see how everyone is, check their TTC or rainbow journeys, and share mine, but there may come a time when I feel differently too. I am really sad to see people leaving, but I do understand if this place has become something which is no longer a support, but is something of a reminder of the sad times. I am so glad to know I still have you on fb, Kelly, Mhairi, and Andrea. If anyone wants to add me on fb, just send me a pm. I would hate to lose touch.


----------



## Tia30

Hi all,


I've been hovering around reading other peoples comments since my loss on xmas eve... I am terribly afraid of becoming obsessed with pregnancy, having a baby, or not having one, as the case may be. I don't really talk about how I feel with anyone now, although it is just short of 3 weeks since my baby was born. It's as if everyone has forgotten except me and I know I am currently in denial about it. It would have been my 20 week scan yesterday which was horrible although the only one who knew was my partner, didn't remind my mam as it was also her birthday yesterday so didn't want to put a downer of the celebration, kind of similar to how I felt on xmas day when I got released from the hospital. I still went to the family xmas dinner, there were 16 of us in total. 

I have gone back to work, went back last week (Thursday) it's the only thing I leave the house for at the moment. I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to be feeling about any of this, I just didn't expect this to happen, I guess no one does. 

A lady comes to my project and volunteers her service (massage therapy) and for some reason my co-workers said I should have one as a client had cancelled. I told her what had happened, two losses in December, she massaged me, and I was telling her how fine I was, how maybe I'm a freak etc, she explained to me during the massage that they tend to bring out how you actually are - physically and emotionally. When she finished I actually looked exhausted and I felt like I was going to pass out. I think perhaps I have gone back to work too soon and am running away from these feelings, because I know they are there, very mixed up ones too - a lot of guilt and regret as well as pain. 

We are TTC again but it is way too soon (I know that) but a part of me just doesn't care at the moment, I just need to be pregnant again.


----------



## feeble

Hey sweetie x 

I had that need to be pregnant too , it did pass , before I fell pregnant 

Give yourself time, it's still so early but I totally understand wanting to TTc again, I was the same, became obsessed with it, spent a fortune on special lube and opk's and fell pregnant on my first cycle! 

Oh just decided I was mental. 

Hugs xx and so sorry for your loss x


----------



## jennijunni

hugs tia30. I am so sorry for your loss. Just make sure you take time to heal, and grieve. If not it will come anyway, and it will knock you down. Please make sure to take care of yourself. Hugs!! I also had a very intense need to get pregnant again. We did 2 cycles later, and we lost that baby too at 15 weeks, but that pregnancy did heal my heart. This time around, while I am excited to be pregnant, it is not as strong as it was with my son. Lots of hugs to you!!!


----------



## Bride2b

Tia, I too know what you mean about the desperate need to be pregnant! I think its a very natural response! I think a new pregnancy will give us something to focus on, instead of thinking I should be 'x' amount of weeks pregnant! I know that tomorrow I'd be 26 weeks :cry: it makes me really sad thinking of that as there is nothing more in the world I want than to be 26 weeks pregnant with my baby I lost. A new pregnancy would mean focussing on that new pregnancy, not replacing the lost one but I think it will make me stop counting the weeks!
I should have been 30 weeks pregnant for my best friends hen do in Dublin...I couldnt go as I wouldnt probably have been able to fly & being 30 weeks pregnant in bars/pubs etc doesnt really sit comfortably with me. Now I am no longer pregnant I have chosen not to go on the hen weekend, as to me I shouldnt be there & would only be there because my baby died. I know that weekend is going to be hell for me staying at home but it would be hell if I went! By her wedding I should have been 37 weeks pregnant! We had to take my bridesmaid dress back & get a smaller one as I'll have no bump to fill it. I think the rest of the journey up to the due date is going to be scattered with painful reminders of what could have been. I am DESPERATE to be pregnant again. I have to wait until next cycle (mid-end Feb) to try as I am getting married in July & my dress wont fit if I get pregnant this cycle (think I pushing it next cycle but fuck it!!). We did nothing to not get pregnant before my AF arrived after my loss as I just wanted to be pregnant again...it didnt happen but maybe thats a good thing. Just got to make sure we are a bit careful this month, but am now taking prenatals to get my body in shape for pregnancy!

As far as the 'dealing' with stuff goes, just go steady on yourself, if in your heart you are strong enough to be at work etc then that is fab - I wish I had your strength. I worry that maybe the pain will come to bite you on the arse at some point! (Dont want to worry you or anything, just be aware :flower:).

Oh shit I rambled on again!!!!!:blush:


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## Hellylou

Hi Tia,

Welcome, and I am so sorry for your loss. It is so soon for you. You sound like a very strong lady. Everyone is different, so don't worry about how you should or shouldn't be feeling - just allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.

The need to be pregnant again is overwhelming after a loss. I felt it the very next day. I just _knew_ that the only thing that would fix my pain was to be pregnant again. I was told to wait 3 months, which I did, and I am glad I did. During those 3 months I made sure I built my body back up to health again, physically and emotionally. I realised that what I really wanted in those early days was to erase everything that had happened, and being pregnant would achieve that. I know now that I needed to allow myself to grieve for the one I lost, because this new pregnancy, this new baby would not be the baby I lost - I would never get him back. I needed to fully accept that and let him go before I was truly ready to try again. 

I hope that makes sense. I am sure medical professionals will advise you on when the right time to try again is for you. Be kind on yourself. We are here to listen :hugs:


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## ericacaca

Oh Tia, I'm really sorry. I know the feeling about not being happy until I was pregnant again. Both me and hubby said that. But then I realised all the things I could do when I wasnt pregnant - like do a summer camp we really wanted to help out at, go to theme parks, drink wine when I wanted, be able to take ibuprofen and other medicines without worrying. And I know that doesnt help the longing of wanting to be pregnant again - but it did help me get through it. We were very lucky, we lost Eve in March and we decided to try again after 5 cycles in August just to make sure body was back to normal - September cycle I was pregnant! I'm not saying this to gloat - I'm saying this to encourage you that there is light at the end of the tunnel and YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT! 

xxx


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## ericacaca

AFM - yesterday's midwife appointment went really well. She asked me whether I was feeling baby move and I said I thought so but didnt want to say for sure until we heard heart beat. Midwife asked me where I was feeling it the most and I said the middle - she said that maybe it was wind.... but she checked with the doppler and started in the middle of my belly and THE HEARTBEAT WAS THERE! 

You have no idea how relieved we are! The last time a doppler was on me before that it was the worst possible outcome, it was just so nice for something good to be heard. 

I'm seeing a consultant in February at 23 weeks - because of the post-partum hemouragge I had when we lost Eve. And I've been referred to a physio for my back! Hope they'll be of some help - its getting better, but its still a pain! :-( So at least I'm being looked after! 

Hope you're all ok 

Love and hugs

Erica xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Wow, I've a lot to catch up on! Apologies now if I miss anyone! 

Kelly, gonna miss you hon but fully understand, I think I undid some of the strings a bit at Christmas too through forced withdrawal! I do know what you mean and I know what you mean about not wanting to just be defined by your loss, you are more than that, you are a whole multi-dimensional person and restricting yourself to your grief won't do yourself justice, or your family. I'm gonna PM you my details though, I'd really hate it if we lost touch permanently, you have been such a light in my life these past 5 months, I genuinely don't think I'd have got to where I am now without your support - thank you. I was just thinking last night that the problem with this site is, you make friends or someone touches you, then they can dissapear and you always wonder about them - you can't just go knock on their door and check they are OK, they can dissapear without a trace, it's a shame. Then I come on in the morning and see your post! I do understand though, I'm not putting the guilties on you, but I do want to get contact details from you, I would so hate to lose your friendship.

Helen, so glad the brown CM has stopped, I hope it hasn't burst your bubble hon and you can still be positive about this little rainbow - I've read lots of accounts of IB at your stage, they are still snuggling in. I do think it's crap that the NHS aren't wanting to give you an extra scan for reassurance, that's so crap - I hope your doctor overrides them. and you get to see your wee bean soon to put your mind at ease.

Tia, it saddens me to welcome anyone new here but glad you found us. I'm so sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is completely normal, it's a deep primeval urge, I think to be pregnant again. I also hope you allow yourself to grieve, if you push your emotions to one side too long they do tend to come back and bite you in the butt somehow, and often in other ways. I have also pushed my emotions away for periods of time and it has always led to meltdowns at unexpected and inconvenient times! I was off work for 6 weeks and was still very shaky when I went back, I'm only now feeling more confident over 5 months later - please don't expect too much from yourself hon, though we are all different I know. 

Erica - Yay for getting the heartbeat! That's so good to hear! I'm glad you are getting treatment for your back too. 

Not much to report here - I'm feeling really really sad again just now and I've no idea why. I had a meltdown yesterday evening in bed and I was getting visions and flashbacks all day when I was just going about my business. Who knows, I'm sure it will pass. I'm on CD17, possibly 5 or 6DPO, so a while to wait. We saw a huge rainbow over the house a couple of days ago and we don't get many here as we don't get much rain so hoping it's our sign. xxx


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## jojo23

tia im so sorry for your loss hun!!

erica im so please for you pet it must have been amazing to hear that lovely heartbeat!

Kelly i totally understand the need to take a step back for a while, your a tower of strength and you have been a constant rock to so many of us on this forum. i can only say thank you from the bottom of my heart for the times ive felt hopeless and like a mad woman and you have always been there with kind words or advice or even a funny story to pull me back!! thank you always xxxx

AFM.. well girls all along with this pregnancy ive been ok, just not thinking much about anything bad happening but tonight and this morning it hit me like a ton of bricks. im terrified! i have a knot in my tummy and i just cant help but think something is wrong and when i go for my 20 week scan it will be bad news!!! im 17 weeks atm and just wish i could feel little kicks or something to reassure me.... the other double whammy is my 20 week scan is exactly a year to the day i delivered Lily... the 16th of feb!! i dont know if i should change it or not. i mean if anything is wrong it will just be devastating in more ways than one and yet i feel its almost a good sign! i just dont know.... sorry for rambling on just lying in bed feeling like a complete lunatic lol and if im honest feeling utterly lost xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Bride2b

Jojo, being fearful is all too normal If Lilys birthday wasnt approaching maybe you would feel less stressed about it all. Its a big deal, but coupled with that the 20 week scan is a big deal too! Thats two big events hun so no wonder your nerves are shot to pieces!:hugs:
Is there a way of speaking to your mw about getting an earlier scan? If you have previous history they may be willing to do one earlier to ease your mind. I know in the same breath they may not as they will probably think everything is ok - and why wouldnt it be? Have you started to feel bubba move? Is your bump progressing? If there are little flutters (may be too early) and if you little bump is getting a bit bigger I am sure things are fine, its only natural to worry, I know I'll be a wreck when my time comes! Failing that could you get a private scan (if you can afford it?), if I was that terrified I'd find it somehow to pay for one.

I am sure you just need reassurance that everything will be ok! I am sure you would give advice to someone else on here that is worried, and that advice would be that they should not panic & that everything will be ok. xxxx


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## jennijunni

Jojo, I know just how you feel. The anxiety, the fear, but everything will be fine. I know how tough it is. We are thinking of you and the baby!! Lots of hugs, and prayers!!


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## Hellylou

Erica - wonderful news on the appt and heartbeat. That must have been such a relief, and knowing you had been feeling little kicks all along! :hugs:

Jojo - everyone feels kicks at different points. I was at least 18 weeks with my first when I started feeling the kicks, but earlier with subsequent ones, which I have heard is pretty normal. I found lying on my back I was more likely to feel something, and it was so infrequent and odd at first I was never sure if I really was feeling it. I am sure everything is fine, and it wont be long before little one is kicking so much you wont be able to sleep at night! 

Nikki - sorry you're feeling bad at the moment. It's horrible how these things just come out of nowhere to smack us when we least expect it. So, 5/6dpo then...how are you feeling about this cycle? I hope the rainbow is a sign, and that you caught that eggy. :dust:

Gemma - def not trying this cycle? Must be frustrating with the wedding dress issue. I take it the dress is something that can't be altered that dramatically if need be? I'm sure the time will go quicker than you think til you start trying again.

AFM: no sign of the brown CM at all now. It was very very slight yesterday morning, but now seems to have completely vanished. It was more of a slightly different colour than anything, and only visible because I was examining every bit of toilet paper after I wiped (that becomes second nature for all of us, doesn't it?). So I am hoping that is it now, and was just a little IB left over. It was enough to dampen the spirits somewhat.

Having major stress at the moment (which isn't good for me at all) over this whole house move. We have 2 possible houses lined up to buy - one is smaller, less living space, but is ready to move in, no work needed. The other is much bigger, and has an enormous amount of land (three quarters of an acre, possibly more) backing onto a valley, but needs loads of work doing to it - new kitchen, bathroom, redecoration throughout etc. So, do we go for the better long term prospect and go through the trauma of renovations (with a baby on the way no less) or do we go into the ready to move in one, which we may well outgrow very soon? Agh?


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## feeble

Glad the spotting has stopped :) 

I would absolutely go for the longer term investment/land/doing up house 

basically if you can just get it to a suitable standard for the newborn stages, you can start looking at doing it up in earnest... 

I am good today, decided to go vegitarian, to save money and for health reasons... So today have enjoyed a lovely pasta lunch, going to have veggie lasagne for tea and snack on seeds/yogurts/fruit in the evening if needed

its actually a great time for me to start because i am finding it difficult to eat a big meal but needing to have a meal before i go to bed at night or i end up waking up vomiting! 

9 weeks on Wednesday but thats also angel babies due date... so going to be a mix of emotions 

hugs to all x


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## Hellylou

Thanks, Fiona. I think I'm inclined to agree. It's just major stress. The kitchen is just AWFUL, and would be the first thing to be ripped out, closely followed by the bathroom, the downstairs WC, every room in the house, , carpets, flooring, every door....:headspin:

I am already veggie because of my kidney probs. I actually prefer veggie food. Problem is, my kids hate all things pulse/bean/lentil/veg, so I end up cooking several meals. Veg protein is much healthier than meat, and kinder to the kidneys (hence my reason).


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## feeble

Well for us it is mainly money orientated, and also my husband would LOVE to go back to being veggie, he doesn't feel like his body reacts well to meat (and from the smell of his farts I tend to agree) 

I could definitely do with loosing 4/5 stone also 

So veggie we go! I'm quite excited about it, trying out new recipes etc :) 

Think it will take a while for my stomach to adjust though, we had lunch at around 1pm and I am already hungry again:( am going to have some yogurt and fruit to try and keep me going until dinner time!


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## jojo23

thanks girls!! i think its just being extra emotional etc that has me like this... but my bump is getting bigger by the day and im still feeling very much pregnant so im taking it all as good signs and had a chat with a friend today and felt a bit better so ill stop wallowing now and just relax because i know at the end of the day theres not much i can do either way!! ill try ring and get an earlier scan date if i can!

hope all is well with everyone else xxxxxxxx thanks again for the support girls


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## Bride2b

Kelly - I dont know if your still lurking, but I totally get what you mean. I had thought maybe my recovery may be hampered by coming here and reminding myself that I am here because I have had a tragedy. But at the same time I could not have got through this with out coming here to vent & to get the support from everyone as I think trying to deal with the emotions & thoughts I've had may not have made any sense if I hadnt been made aware that its very normal to have those thoughts and feelings.

I am going to limit myself to just coming on once or twice a day for now. Hopefully I will only feel the need to do it once a day....not that I dont need you but I want to get to the point where I dont feel I need the constant reassurance and can rely on the friendship & ttc madness (rather than sadness).

I know when I am back to ttc I will be here all the time! Helen, I am def going to give it a miss this month as the dress is fitted to the hip and very figure hugging in that aspect (I put on loads of weight since moving in with OH and just generally through my 20s, so 2 years ago I started slimming world and lost 5 stones - (70 lbs) in 9 months, so when we got engaged & was looking for my dress everyone kept telling me I needed to show off my figure and I am proud of the shape I have as it took alot of hardwork & dedication!) I posted a link a few days ago of the dress. Its a corset back so there is scope to be a little bit forgiving with the size & the lady in the shop ordered it a size too big as I should of had Bertie 3 months before the wedding & we didnt know how big I'd get etc! She got me the size to fit my hips I think, so it will be a size too big on my waist and 2 sizes on the bust. I sound like a strange shape....but I get smaller as you go up my body! So bascially maybe its fate that the dress is too big as it means I can be pregnant....but I think being 30 weeks pregnant might be pushing it a bit! Also I am convinced I will never make it full term, I dont know why, I dont expect that I will give birth REALLY prematurely but would be surprised if I make it to 37 weeks where they class it as 'full term.' 

Blah blah blah I always manage to ramble on....I'm sure you're all bored senseless!!!!

I have enquired about getting some reflexology though. Has anyone tried it? I figure if I get some done this month, by next month it might have an effect. I read that reflexologists who know about fertility can target your uterus and ovaries. If it works great....but I am also helping it will be a relaxing entity & make me feel better.

Helen - I would go for the big house, it makes sense in the long run (if you can afford to do it all up), and all that land sounds gorgeous! Its horrible living somewhere where its all a bit dated and nasty but if you think you can put up with a horrible kitchen for a while it might me worth it in the long run. 

Nikki - good luck, so really 5 or so days until anything will show on a test. keeping my fingers crossed xxxxxxx

Erica, I'm so pleased the mw appointment went well xxx


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## Hellylou

Ok girls, just started bleeding bright red now - not gushing but like the start of AF, with some mild cramping. Not good. Think it's most likely over. :cry: I'm gutted, but I guess I would much rather it happened now than later on down the line! Blurgh I could use some hugs right now.


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## BabyBoyle

Jojo!! I havent been on here for ages but sooooooooooo glad to see you are happily carrying!! 

Congratulations!!!

Sending lots of babydust to everyone still waiting and hurting :( 

Hopefully it'll happen soon enough for us xxx


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## feeble

So sorry :( massive hugs x x x


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## collie_crazy

Oh Helen I am so sorry :( thinking about you and hoping everything is still ok!!


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## Hellylou

It's stopped again. There was quite a bit on the tissue but now nothing when I wipe. I really don't think this can be a good sign, though, so I am preparing for the worst here. It's the cramping along with it that kind of seals the deal for me. I will update you all when I know for sure. I know it's too early for any kind of scan anyway, so it would be a week before anyone could scan me, by which point I imagine the bleeding will have either got worse, and I'll know for sure, or it will have stopped and a scan can see what's going on.

I had such a good feeling about this too...:cry: Now I just feel a fool.


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## collie_crazy

You are not a fool :hugs: would your doctor do a beta blood test? If they do them over 2 days they can check if your HCG is still rising? Xxx


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## OliveBay

Helen, I am hoping with all my heart that you are ok and that this is just a little scare that will pass. Take it easy, put your feet up, get plenty of rest if you can and try not to worry. Please keep us updated. I'm keeping everything crossed for you honey :hugs:


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## OliveBay

Have a few more hugs, just in case you need them! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Sending armfuls of positive vibes your way 
x


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## Hellylou

Thanks. I probably sound so negative and defeatist but I just don't want my heart to break again. I mean, this isn't anything like losing Thomas, not even close, but I had such hopes and I felt happy, truly happy for the first time in such a long time. But it's a little late now, my heart IS breaking, it doesn't matter how much I try to soften the blow, it just is. 

:cry:


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## feeble

Oh honey :( Tis so sad :*( I dont know what to say i really dont, i feel for you so so much but there are no words x x take care of yourself x x


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## OliveBay

Helen, after what happened to me just before new year I know exactly how you feel right now and my heart breaks that someone else is feeling like this. But try to stay positive, you don't know for definite whats going on yet. There is still a chance it will be ok hon. :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> It's stopped again. There was quite a bit on the tissue but now nothing when I wipe. I really don't think this can be a good sign, though, so I am preparing for the worst here. It's the cramping along with it that kind of seals the deal for me. I will update you all when I know for sure. I know it's too early for any kind of scan anyway, so it would be a week before anyone could scan me, by which point I imagine the bleeding will have either got worse, and I'll know for sure, or it will have stopped and a scan can see what's going on.
> 
> I had such a good feeling about this too...:cry: Now I just feel a fool.

I just had to post to you. I am sending so many prayers and SO much love. I am sorry you have to endure this. Please stay positive and I hope for all the best. I am thinking of you, Helen :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## winterwonder

Hello friends,

So we've returned from our holiday which was terrible. On the tuesday i started spotting, and although my OH tried to reassure me everything would be fine, it didn't work, and unfortunately around midday, i started properly bleeding, and then that evening (sorry if tmi) i lost the biggest clot i have ever seen about the size of a pingpong ball, so as you can imagine i spent the rest of the holiday, attempting to act happy to my Mil, who we were staying with, and didn't know we were pregnant, whilst going through what felt like the worst period in my life (went through nearly 20+ pads!)

I'm still bleeding now, i dont know how long miscarriages are meant to last, the out of hrs gp, just said to call my gp on monday and they might arrange an appointment to the early pregnancy clinic, so i could have a scan to check everything was gone.

Sorry for such a depressive post, i'm not actually feeling too down about this now, as i knew that we should've made more of an effort not to fall pregnant so soon after losing bud, i also realise that lots of miscarriages happen in the first tri, so i'm trying to stay positive, and give my self more time before trying again.

What saddens me most is the realisation that i wont be having a baby this year now.:cry:

I haven't had a chance to read back through everyone elses posts but i'll try and catch up with them all soon!

Christine xx


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## Hellylou

OMG Christine I am so so sorry hun :hugs::cry::cry: Sending massive hugs to you.:hugs:


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## winterwonder

Hellylou said:


> OMG Christine I am so so sorry hun :hugs::cry::cry: Sending massive hugs to you.:hugs:

Thank you, i'm sorry that you've also been spotting :hugs:


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## blav

I've just been lurking the last week or so...this will probably be a rather mega post!

Christine-I am so, so sorry for your loss :cry::cry::cry: Seems like it is really going around here right now :nope: Keep your head up and stay positive, you are so strong and will get through this too (sounds like you are trying to do this anyway!) Yes, there are many first trimester losses and they are certainly different than second trimester, but it is still difficult in it's own way.

Helen-Sending hugs your way :hugs::hugs::hugs: It is just not fair to have to go through something like this so soon. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Amanda-so happy that you got a great pic of the little one. I know OH and I have decided to wait until late in our next pregnancy to share with friends/family but I wonder how far we'll really make it! I'm glad the news is out. Try to breathe easy! :hugs:

Gemma-I know how you feel about that "need" to be pregnant again. I feel the same way. I feel positive about this month, so we'll see. I've read so much and I know you've posted a few times but I can't remember what else you said :blush: But, I'm wishing you the best and hope all is going well for you.

Kelly-So sorry to see that you won't be around as much but I think you're right in doing what feels best. So many of us can agree that when we take steps to move ono it feels like we're taking steps to forget, and that's not true at all. Even though we know we will never forget our angels, it takes a while to let go of the pain and saddness and look toward the future. I've been around less lately and have to agree that it feels good to let go in a lot of ways. :flower::flower:

Tia-I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. It is easy to tell ourselves we're "fine", but those times of saddness and reflection still surface. Sometimes it will feel like you're taking steps back in the grief process and that is okay too. I hope that you are still getting time to rest and think when you need to and that work is not so hard on you as time goes by. :hugs::hugs:

To all of our little rainbow makers-I hope things are going well! :baby:

To those waiting for :witch: hope she comes soon, I know a few of you are having some insane cycles. I hope the maddness ends soon!

AFM-I am on CD 13 and OH and I plan to :sex: for the next 5 or 6 days just to catch both ends in case ovulation is early or late. I've been doing the BBT and I feel like my temps have been a little inaccurate the last couple days (moving around too much before taking temp). This is my first time doing BBT so we'll see. I also broke down today and picked up a few ovulation tests. I'm such a POAS freak. I just feel really good about this month and want to do everything i can! I took it today and it was negative :growlmad: I also picked up some Pre-Seed after seeing you lovely ladies mention it. We'll see if all these things get us a bfp this cycle!!!


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## Andypanda6570

Christine, you are in my thoughts and prayers.. XOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kiki04

Helen :hugs: It might not be what your thinking... hang in there and see what happens. I will be thinking of you :hugs:

Christine I am so sorry :cry: Big hugs to you hun :hugs:


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## jojo23

oh girls im so sorry to you both!!! Helen hang in there i had quite a big bleed early on and everything turned out ok...but your in my thoughts and prayers xxxx

christine i cant imagine how you must be feeling right now but know we are all here for you and thinking of you!!xx

babyboyle im so glad to hear from you! how are you keeping hun?? xxxxxxxxxxx


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## collie_crazy

Girls I am actually crying for you right now. This is all so horrendous - just why!? First trimester losses may be high (I think its 1 in 4 or something?) but seriously after everything we have all been through :cry: I wish I could hug you but I cant so I send massive virtual ones instead :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry Christine. I am just so sad for you. Lots of hugs and prayers for healing and comfort coming your way.

Helen, I really hope all is well, and I am thinking and praying for you and your bean as well. Lots of hugs and love to you both!!!


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## Bride2b

Ahh no pages of bad news to read through!:growlmad:

Christine I am so sorry hun, its so unfair and cruel that you have had to endure this, it just not fair when you are happy but cautious about being pregnant again that this should happen :hugs: I really do feel for you at this moment :hugs:

Helen I'm gutted about what your going through too, I just hope and pray that its not the end, make sure you get plenty of rest, I really hope its just a scare. :hugs:

Sending out much love to all......I dont want to hear any more bad news here, its not fair and you all are too wonderful to have to go through any more horrible shit xxx


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## OliveBay

Hi all

Helen, how are things today? Thinking about you lots :hugs:

Christine, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It must have been so hard to go through that whilst you were away and having to put on a brave face for MIL. I hope you've had plenty of time to rest and get all your emotions out now you are home. Take care of yourself :hugs:

As for me, I think I'm in the 2WW as I _think _I OV'd on Thursday. I've been doing my opk's again just to see what my body might do this cycle after my chemical (or whatever it was) before new year, and they just followed the normal pattern that I'd been getting before, so maybe things are just back to normal. Could my body actually be doing something right for once?! I'm not getting my hopes up for a bfp this cycle though, as who knows if my body will be ready for it. I just figured there was no point in _not _trying this month and we'll just deal with whatever happens. If my body is ready and it works then great, if not then oh well we'll just have to keep on trying.


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## Hellylou

Hi girls, thanks so much for your positivity and thoughts, it means so much.:hugs:

I have no idea what is happening, to be honest. It's all stopped again, and now there is a very slight brown CM again, so it was one episode of bright red when I wiped yesterday afternoon, and nothing afterwards, and it wasn't enough to even reach underwear (sorry tmi). Still a little crampy, but nothing major. It might be ok, it might be a sign that something has gone wrong, I have no idea, and I wont be able to get a scan til I'm further along - I'm 5+2 at the moment, so no hb would even be detected at this stage anyway. I am quite a lot calmer about it all today. I think what will be will be, and I'm ready for that.

I'll see doc on Thurs or Fri either way and we'll take it from there, unless of course I have severe pain or anything like that. 

Sally - fingers crossed for 2WW. :thumbup:


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## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Hi girls, thanks so much for your positivity and thoughts, it means so much.:hugs:
> 
> I have no idea what is happening, to be honest. It's all stopped again, and now there is a very slight brown CM again, so it was one episode of bright red when I wiped yesterday afternoon, and nothing afterwards, and it wasn't enough to even reach underwear (sorry tmi). Still a little crampy, but nothing major. It might be ok, it might be a sign that something has gone wrong, I have no idea, and I wont be able to get a scan til I'm further along - I'm 5+2 at the moment, so no hb would even be detected at this stage anyway. I am quite a lot calmer about it all today. I think what will be will be, and I'm ready for that.
> 
> I'll see doc on Thurs or Fri either way and we'll take it from there, unless of course I have severe pain or anything like that.
> 
> Sally - fingers crossed for 2WW. :thumbup:

I am thinking of you ,Helen. Sending so many positive thoughts. You are so brave and I want you to know I am here if you ever need to talk, anytime. 
XOOXOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Christine, thinking of you and I am so sorry you are going through this . Sending much love and if you ever need me I am here, always..:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

Hellylou said:


> Hi girls, thanks so much for your positivity and thoughts, it means so much.:hugs:
> 
> I have no idea what is happening, to be honest. It's all stopped again, and now there is a very slight brown CM again, so it was one episode of bright red when I wiped yesterday afternoon, and nothing afterwards, and it wasn't enough to even reach underwear (sorry tmi). Still a little crampy, but nothing major. It might be ok, it might be a sign that something has gone wrong, I have no idea, and I wont be able to get a scan til I'm further along - I'm 5+2 at the moment, so no hb would even be detected at this stage anyway. I am quite a lot calmer about it all today. I think what will be will be, and I'm ready for that.
> 
> I'll see doc on Thurs or Fri either way and we'll take it from there, unless of course I have severe pain or anything like that.
> 
> Sally - fingers crossed for 2WW. :thumbup:

glad to hear it has stopped hun!! when i had the bleed it was also bright red and soaked my underwear and i was very crampy. i was 6 weeks and then i had another bleed at 11 weeks but to this day i still dont know where the blood came from but it def was not from the pregnancy sac!! 
i really hope it works out the same for you hun... ill have everything crossed for you xxxxxx:hugs:


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## winterwonder

hey ladies, thank you all so much for the kind words. I told my mum what happened today, and she was also quite upset about it, as she says she'd sort of figured out that i was pregnant over christmas because of the way i was behaving.

All i want is to be pregnant and have a baby, and it just feels so unachievable right now, I just feel like i'll never be able to enjoy a pregnancy again, because i'm always going to assume that this is how they're going to end.

Its not fair, I'm only 26, i made sure i took folic acid both times, that i ate healthily, cut out caffeine, did everything right, and now i just feel like such a failure as a person. 

Sorry i'm just feeling down at the mo.

christine xx


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## Hellylou

Ah Christine, again I'm just so so sorry you have gone through this. It is just brutally unfair. You did everything right, and I know that sense of total injustice. I remember walking past heavily pregnant mothers at the hospital who were outside smoking and thinking how utterly unfair it was when I had done everything by the book yet I was walking away empty.

I know it will seem very bleak right now, and I am sending as many positive thoughts and vibes your way as I can. That take home baby will be with you before you know it. I have friends who have lost both early and late and they have healthy children now. You will get through this, and these two losses you have suffered are most likely completely unrelated, just really awful luck. 

Rest up, take your time to recover, and we are all here to support and listen whenever you need us :hugs::hugs:


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## ericacaca

Hello there girls. I'm so sorry to hear the bad news.... I'm thinking and praying for you. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

I'm just posting to also say like another couple of ladies that I'm going to take a break from this thread for a while. I'll keep popping my head in and out I'm sure but I feel bad not writing as much as I can and I really don't feel in that place any more to be posting in here right now. You ladies have been amazing through the horrendous past few months and I want to thank you so much for that but I just feel now that I need to stop dwelling in the past in order to move on and enjoy this pregnancy that we have right now. 

I love you all, and will try to keep in touch. 

Love and hugs 

Erica xxx


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## Andypanda6570

ericacaca said:


> Hello there girls. I'm so sorry to hear the bad news.... I'm thinking and praying for you. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
> 
> I'm just posting to also say like another couple of ladies that I'm going to take a break from this thread for a while. I'll keep popping my head in and out I'm sure but I feel bad not writing as much as I can and I really don't feel in that place any more to be posting in here right now. You ladies have been amazing through the horrendous past few months and I want to thank you so much for that but I just feel now that I need to stop dwelling in the past in order to move on and enjoy this pregnancy that we have right now.
> 
> I love you all, and will try to keep in touch.
> 
> Love and hugs
> 
> Erica xxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I understand how you feel. You are a really nice person and I wish you all the best..XOXOOX


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, I haven't been around in a while, I just don't have the time & like alot if the girls that have been here a while I don't want to be logging in all the time. After reading a new story of loss on here I almost always dream that it is happening to me & i don't think that is good for my mind especially while ttc & if when I get pregnant. I think reading new stories has made me more fearful & not only now do I fear losing another baby in the same way I did the last time but also in the same way you all have. I'm rambling now and I'm not explaining myself very well. I how you know what I mean though. I'm still going to come here though but just not as often as before. yous have probably noticed that already though. 

I didn't get the results of the blood test. I missed the appt because if the stupid receptionist. She tole me te clinic was open til 5.30 and it was no problem being a bit late for my Appt which was at 3. I got there at half 4 to be told that the clinic closes at 4. I just cried on the spot. More time to worry and fret over the results.

Helen I am so sorry you had bleeding but I'm glad it has stopped now. It's pretty normal at this stage & could be implantation. Your in my thoughts. 

Christine I'm so sorry for your loss. Xxx

Jemma at 7 weeks I was still a mess & still hadnt left the house on my own. Don't feel like you should have moved on by now. It's only now 5 months later that I am feeling a tiny bit stronger but u could cry at anything still. 

Im on my phone so I can't reply to everyone. I hope your all ok. Xxxx

Tanya.


----------



## Nikki_d72

Oh Christine, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss honey, this is so unfair, I could scream for you. massive virtual hugs hon :hug:

Helen, I really hope that that is the bleeding over and it's just an episode in early pregnancy, as does seem to happen, I'm sorry it's causing you worry and I hope for the best for you hon. have one of these too :hug: 

I wish I could be there properly for you, in person to hug you both. 

Erica, I understand honey, you do what you have to.

Tanya, same to you sweet. 

Man, there's hardly any of us left! I am glad folk are able to move on a bit though, I'm not moaning, maybe it will help break my addiction to this place a bit!

Love to you all, not much to report here - we had more visitors this weekend and I've been working as well, so I'm pooped, looking forward to some time with just us, might try to get away somewhere this weekend, school hols are nearly over...


xxx


----------



## Kelly9

I sadly get to be a member of your group now if you'll have me. I lost my little girl Hannah just a few days ago at 18 weeks. She had a sacrococcygeal teratoma that was growing very rapidly and taking blood away from her making her heart pump harder. We went to Toronto for fetal surgery on Jan 12 to try and cut off the blood supply, which went well but discovered in the morning of Jan 13 that her heart had stopped. They suspect she bled out into her tumour after the surgery. The labour was fast but horrible I didn't even have pain killers to numb myself and had a horrid nurse during most of the ordeal. 

I don't know if I should add anything else except that my heart is breaking and I have no idea how to cope. I want to know when things will get better? I'm afraid that I'll feel guilty for feeling better or wanting to soon. My husband and I used all our savings to do IVF to have our Hannah and we're tentatively planning to do a frozen egg transfer as soon as my body is regulated. Thats all from me.


----------



## feeble

Kelly :( so sorry for your ordeal, 

I can only imagine how hard it's been :( 

I found out my baby had died during a routine scan, having the pressure of surgery must have been so hard, both for you and of course for darling hannah x 

No one can really say when it will get easier, I found that every day that went on, as I slowly convince myself that I am and will keep on keeping on... That was the only way I could cope

I wrote lists for everything, made sure I was on a tight ship of what to do and when to do it... For jasper my little boy as much as everything x 

After a while I found that the grief came in waves, which made it easier to cope in between the waves x 

So many hugs x sorry to welcome you here but welcome all the same x


----------



## Bride2b

Hi Kelly9, I'm sorry you have joined us in such awful circumstances. Be sure to know that we are here to help you along the journey, this has been my life line when everything else in the world made no sense! You will have loads of emotions, thoughts and feelings...the worse probably guilt & emptiness. The way to fill this void will most likely be for you to want to be pregnant again. This will probably cause you to feel more guilt. I believe the feeling of trying again is actually a mixture of still wanting to be pregnant with the baby you have lost but wanting to be pregnant again to not have to think about not being pregnant....not sure that makes sense.
Sorry that you have not many chances due to IVF, the doctors will take care of when physically you are ready....thats their job. If its like me after my 6 week consultants appointment where I got all the results back they said there is no reason why we could try again straight away, but to make sure you have grieved & make sure you are ready emotionally. So I'd wait for them to give the all clear, and it will take a few weeks for bleeding to stop and AF to return.

We are here to help, I know how important it is to ask questions and be supported by people who know how you feel as people around you will not really have any idea of what you are feeling. 

Nikki - yes theres not many of us left!!! I'm glad that some of our ladies are getting to a place where they do not need to be reassured everyday and come here....that is great! Are you in the tww? I've forgotten!:dohh:

Krissy - where are you? Its something like CD 1001 isnt it? bloody hope you did ov the other day!

Sally, Andrea, Amanda, Fiona, Kelly, Britney, Tia, Mhairi :hi: I know some of you are around.

AFM - 7 weeks today :cry: I've got my first real counselling appointment (2nd time seeing her though as the first was like a quick session). Not really sure what I want to say to her today....feel ok today, not 'normal' but ok if that makes sense! I just miss him :hugs:
I know that in a few days I will commence the poas madness as I work out when OV will happen.....purely for research so I can catch the egg next month. I am so tempted to say fuck it though...I just want to be pregnant and so be it if the damn wedding dress doesnt fit! My heart is saying just try, but my head is saying NO! I'd be 30 weeks pregnant when I get married...it'll be hot (hopefully), I'll be uncomfortable, wont be able to reach past my belly for the first dance! Thats is if I reach 30 weeks - just convinced the next one will come early at about 30 weeks for some reason!


----------



## Andypanda6570

Kelly9 said:


> I sadly get to be a member of your group now if you'll have me. I lost my little girl Hannah just a few days ago at 18 weeks. She had a sacrococcygeal teratoma that was growing very rapidly and taking blood away from her making her heart pump harder. We went to Toronto for fetal surgery on Jan 12 to try and cut off the blood supply, which went well but discovered in the morning of Jan 13 that her heart had stopped. They suspect she bled out into her tumour after the surgery. The labour was fast but horrible I didn't even have pain killers to numb myself and had a horrid nurse during most of the ordeal.
> 
> I don't know if I should add anything else except that my heart is breaking and I have no idea how to cope. I want to know when things will get better? I'm afraid that I'll feel guilty for feeling better or wanting to soon. My husband and I used all our savings to do IVF to have our Hannah and we're tentatively planning to do a frozen egg transfer as soon as my body is regulated. Thats all from me.

Hi Kelly,
I am so sorry for your loss. You are always welcomed here. Believe me you are surrounded by women who fully understand you and every emotion you are or will go through. :cry::cry:
I lost my Ava at 20 weeks in March. I gave birth in my house and we buried her on 3/11/2011. Only now 10 months later do I actually feel stronger and I am going to try again. I got pregnant at 40 and it was a total accident as I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11. It was my little girl which I thought I would never have :cry: I went in for a sonogram and they said there was no heartbeat, I was devastated.

You have been through so much , but I promise you things will get easier, it takes a lot of time and this grief process is different for everyone, same emotions but different times of coming to terms with things. Its not a saying it is true that time does heal you, I promise. 

Be gentle on yourself and when the emotions come let them out, it is healthy for you to do so. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk or vent or whatever you need. Hannah will always be in your heart, but I promise the day will come when you think of her with a smile and not a tear. 
XOXOOX Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## bek74

Andypanda6570 said:


> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> I sadly get to be a member of your group now if you'll have me. I lost my little girl Hannah just a few days ago at 18 weeks. She had a sacrococcygeal teratoma that was growing very rapidly and taking blood away from her making her heart pump harder. We went to Toronto for fetal surgery on Jan 12 to try and cut off the blood supply, which went well but discovered in the morning of Jan 13 that her heart had stopped. They suspect she bled out into her tumour after the surgery. The labour was fast but horrible I didn't even have pain killers to numb myself and had a horrid nurse during most of the ordeal.
> 
> I don't know if I should add anything else except that my heart is breaking and I have no idea how to cope. I want to know when things will get better? I'm afraid that I'll feel guilty for feeling better or wanting to soon. My husband and I used all our savings to do IVF to have our Hannah and we're tentatively planning to do a frozen egg transfer as soon as my body is regulated. Thats all from me.
> 
> Hi Kelly,
> I am so sorry for your loss. You are always welcomed here. Believe me you are surrounded by women who fully understand you and every emotion you are or will go through. :cry::cry:
> I lost my Ava at 20 weeks in March. I gave birth in my house and we buried her on 3/11/2011. Only now 10 months later do I actually feel stronger and I am going to try again. I got pregnant at 40 and it was a total accident as I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11. It was my little girl which I thought I would never have :cry: I went in for a sonogram and they said there was no heartbeat, I was devastated.
> 
> You have been through so much , but I promise you things will get easier, it takes a lot of time and this grief process is different for everyone, same emotions but different times of coming to terms with things. Its not a saying it is true that time does heal you, I promise.
> 
> Be gentle on yourself and when the emotions come let them out, it is healthy for you to do so. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk or vent or whatever you need. Hannah will always be in your heart, but I promise the day will come when you think of her with a smile and not a tear.
> XOXOOX Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...


Andrea this is Tiff (fb).
Tiff I am so glad u found ur way over to here, the ladies here will offer you comfort and strength.
I am so sorry about your loss of little Hannah, you researched and seeked out Dr and you did everything u could have done to try and save ur baby girl, I hope you find some comfort in knowing u did all u could.
Thinking of u daily x


----------



## Andypanda6570

bek74 said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> I sadly get to be a member of your group now if you'll have me. I lost my little girl Hannah just a few days ago at 18 weeks. She had a sacrococcygeal teratoma that was growing very rapidly and taking blood away from her making her heart pump harder. We went to Toronto for fetal surgery on Jan 12 to try and cut off the blood supply, which went well but discovered in the morning of Jan 13 that her heart had stopped. They suspect she bled out into her tumour after the surgery. The labour was fast but horrible I didn't even have pain killers to numb myself and had a horrid nurse during most of the ordeal.
> 
> I don't know if I should add anything else except that my heart is breaking and I have no idea how to cope. I want to know when things will get better? I'm afraid that I'll feel guilty for feeling better or wanting to soon. My husband and I used all our savings to do IVF to have our Hannah and we're tentatively planning to do a frozen egg transfer as soon as my body is regulated. Thats all from me.
> 
> Hi Kelly,
> I am so sorry for your loss. You are always welcomed here. Believe me you are surrounded by women who fully understand you and every emotion you are or will go through. :cry::cry:
> I lost my Ava at 20 weeks in March. I gave birth in my house and we buried her on 3/11/2011. Only now 10 months later do I actually feel stronger and I am going to try again. I got pregnant at 40 and it was a total accident as I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11. It was my little girl which I thought I would never have :cry: I went in for a sonogram and they said there was no heartbeat, I was devastated.
> 
> You have been through so much , but I promise you things will get easier, it takes a lot of time and this grief process is different for everyone, same emotions but different times of coming to terms with things. Its not a saying it is true that time does heal you, I promise.
> 
> Be gentle on yourself and when the emotions come let them out, it is healthy for you to do so. We are all here for you anytime you need to talk or vent or whatever you need. Hannah will always be in your heart, but I promise the day will come when you think of her with a smile and not a tear.
> XOXOOX Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Andrea this is Tiff (fb).
> Tiff I am so glad u found ur way over to here, the ladies here will offer you comfort and strength.
> I am so sorry about your loss of little Hannah, you researched and seeked out Dr and you did everything u could have done to try and save ur baby girl, I hope you find some comfort in knowing u did all u could.
> Thinking of u daily xClick to expand...

Thanks Bek for telling me, I am so glad she is here with us, hope we can help in any way..XOXOXO :Love you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jennijunni

I am so so sorry Kelly. How heartbreaking. I cant tell you how you will grieve, it is different for everyone. Some move on more quickly, others take their time. As for me, I agree with Feeble, my grief came in waves, and still 7 months later and 2 months later still does. Lots and lots of hugs!! I am so sorry.


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## Bride2b

After promising myself I wouldnt keep logging on several times a day I am back after being on a few times today :dohh:

Anyway, does anyone know anything about reflexology when TTC? What cycle days are best to do it?

I just cant find the info out, I've been googling for about an hour! I just had my counselling appointment and if anything it brought me more to think of the next pregnancy. I emailed a reflexologist in my area on Friday but havent heard back from her, so I called her this afternoon and left a message. I just want to be in a place where my body & mind is ready to conceive next month. I feel if I can do everything possible I will get my BFP, not getting pregnant next month is just not an option!!!


----------



## Kelly9

It seems to come in waves now right now is a bad one my milk has come in and I was really hoping it wouldn't. Does the bleeding last less time with an early loss? I bled for about a month with my son. Also when does the milk go away? It was devastating to feel it in my breasts all I can think of is how I should be feeding my baby. 

I do want to be pregnant again as soon as possible but I know it will be an emotional ride with happy and sad tears. I do feel so empty I hate that I can sleep on my stomach and that gas in my intestines feels like her little kicks. Everything hurts inside and out. Even my belly is still tender from the surgery. I don't want to be such a downer but it's only been a few days. I think we will ttc naturally till the clinic calls and tells us its ok to do a transfer. How long does it take af to show up after delivery? Is it 4-6 weeks?


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## kiki04

From the day of my d&c it was 41 days later when I got AF. I bled for about 2.5 weeks after the procedure though.


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## Hellylou

Hi all,

Kelly9 - I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugs: This is the very early raw stage on a journey that is so individual for everyone. There is so much to deal with, and the physical on top of the emotional is a lot. I found until I was better physically I couldn't even begin to deal with the emotional side. You can get tablets to dry up the milk - I remember how distressing that was for me, as no one even warned me it would happen. I thought at 16 weeks it would be too early... I had a D&E 10 days after my loss for retained placenta, but after that I only bled for about 2 weeks, then AF returned 2 weeks after that. If you have any questions or need to talk about it all, we're here. Sending hugs :hugs:

Gemma - not sure about reflexology. I don't know much about it with TTC. You could always try some reiki? I know a bit about that...

AFM: had no spotting at all yesterday, then today a little bit more red spotting, just when I thought it might have backed off. It was only a tiny bit, then nothing again. I felt really sick this morning. I really don't know what to think. I guess a scan will tell.


----------



## feeble

i had the same phantom gassy kicks :(


----------



## OliveBay

Hi Kelly9, I'm so sorry you've had to join us here, but I'm glad you've found us. 
My milk lasted for about 4 days and I do remember it being really painful. I found that a warm bath helped ease a bit of it, then wearing a tight sports bra to keep them compressed. I asked my GP about the medication to make the milk dry up as I didn't sleep for a couple of nights because of the pain, but he was rather unsympathetic and I just had to wait it out :growlmad:

I bled sort of heavily for a week and then lightly for a week after I lost my baby at 22 weeks. To be honest I expected it to last longer, so was relieved when it stopped. Then after another 3 weeks (5 weeks after delivery) had AF.

Please be gentle on yourself and give yourself plenty of time to rest and grieve. This is a truly awful thing to go through, but you will get through it - it just takes time....and a lot of it. I think everyone of us on here has been through that desperate need to be pregnant again, infact its amazing how quickly we can get to that stage. After we received the news that our baby had died my immediate thought was 'how can anyone _ever _want to get pregnant again?' but within days of delivering him I had totally changed my mind and felt that urge to be pregnant again as soon as possible. I would advise waiting until all your follow up appointments to see what your doctor recommends about trying again though. It sounds like your body has been through a lot recently and you want to be as strong and fit as possible for your next pregnancy. We were advised not to even BD for 6 weeks (which seemed like forever :haha:), although I think that advice varies. Sending you lots of love and support in these difficult days :hugs:


Everyone else :hi: Sorry not to write to you all individually, but I am sending hugs to you all :hugs:

Gemma, sorry I don't know anything about reflexology. I can't stand anyone touching my feet, it maks me feel all icky!!! :haha:

Helen - still sending major positive vibes and hugs your way :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Kelly9 said:


> It seems to come in waves now right now is a bad one my milk has come in and I was really hoping it wouldn't. Does the bleeding last less time with an early loss? I bled for about a month with my son. Also when does the milk go away? It was devastating to feel it in my breasts all I can think of is how I should be feeding my baby.
> 
> I do want to be pregnant again as soon as possible but I know it will be an emotional ride with happy and sad tears. I do feel so empty I hate that I can sleep on my stomach and that gas in my intestines feels like her little kicks. Everything hurts inside and out. Even my belly is still tender from the surgery. I don't want to be such a downer but it's only been a few days. I think we will ttc naturally till the clinic calls and tells us its ok to do a transfer. How long does it take af to show up after delivery? Is it 4-6 weeks?

Like Sally (olive) says wear a really tight sports bra, find the smallest bra you have and wear it! I was also told switching between really cold compresses (like a bag of peas) then a hot flannel (as hot as you can stand) also takes away the pain in the breasts. My milk lasted for about 4 days. I had read that expressing a small amount helps....but then read this actually encourages milk production too. I think squeezing a small amount out helps as I remember. This is a horrible thing to go through as it just adds insult to injury. 

I bled for just under 2 weeks after I delivered my son (at 19 + 3 my waters broke - he was still alive, but delivered him 8 hours after they broke). The bleeding differs from one lady to the next though.
My AF arrived exactly 4 weeks after bleeding stopped. (Now need to get through this cycle to see if they are 'normal').

I think the general consensus is to wait to ttc until bleeding stops as this could lead to infections. (I'm not really sure if anyone would really dtd when they are bleeding after a mc - it just doesnt seem right to me!)

Sally / Helen - thanks about reflexology, does anyone else know? The bloody woman hasnt got back to me yet! I want to find out as I think you might have to go before you OV which should be Friday (ish) if I OV like I used to. I'd like the reflexology to start working this cycle....so I'm ready for next month xx


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## Nikki_d72

kelly 9 - So sad you have to join us hon. I remembr too well the phantom kicks, I had them a lot - I hated the contracting down feeling too - I took paracetamol to numb the feeling and the pain a bit for the first few days. I got my milk in after 4 days too, I delivered at 20 weeks and also had no idea this would happen, nobody warned me either. I got engorged and it was really sore - I had to stand in a hot shower and unblock the ducts manually. I took belladonna for a few hours to clear the engorgement (it's a homeopathic thing) but then thought it was increasing the let-down reflex and they were filling up faster than ever so I stopped that. I had to just squeeze a tiny bit off now and then as it was just so sore but was careful not to do it so it would cause a let-down and produce more. Having said that, it lasted for 2 weeks for me so maybe I did prolong it a bit doing that. I hope it doesn't last too long, there is a drug you can take to dry it up. 

As for bleeding, it can be pretty much the same as a term delivery I think - I bled for about 3 weeks and then got AF 2 weeks after that so 5 weeks PP. It does seem to vary from woman to woman though. Even after that my hormones were still not settled properly, I feel it's taken quite a while for me, again we are all different though. 

I hope all the physical stuff is over soon for you, again I'm so sorry you have to join us but I hope we can help you in some small way. 

Gemma, sorry but I don't know anything about reflexology either, though I have heard some good reports about accupuncture for TTC and also emotional stuff, I've been thinking about it but it's quite expensive here. If I get no joy this month I may try it.

Helen, when are you getting your scan honey? I hope the bleeding stays away but you must be going nuts wanting to know what's going on in there?

I hope everyone else is well, my DD is still on school hols so I better go and entertain her a bit... xxx


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## Kelly9

We won't be jumping back in to soon we have male factor infertility do there's like no chance of being pregnant before then and I will wait till I have had at least one cycle. We have an apt at the fertility clinic tomorrow to see what their recommendations are but we're thinking in about 3 months time. I got my period back at 3 months exactly while bf'ing my son and was surprised at how fast things got back to normal. 

So far I've had my milk for a day and some and no let down feeling! Just extremely engorged. I pray that I don't let down and start leaking. I won't squeeze any off unless I can't bare it and am going to pick up some cabbage later will also be asking doc about the pills to dry me up I just don't want to take anything that will mess my
Body up more. I kind of figured that it would take about 5-6 weeks to get my first af so that was expected. Someone mentioned that they couldnt start to heal emotionally until they were physically better and that's how I feel. It's hard enough without all the horrible reminders from our bodies. 

I'm relieved to hear that a fair few of you only bled for 2-3 weeks I feel like mine will end sooner I already can wear a pad for 24 hours without needing to change and even then I'm sure I could go longer I just prefer to be fresh. 

I appreciate all the advice and kind words from everyone and am sorry for the losses you have had I wouldn't wish this on anyone.


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## jennijunni

I did not get engorged, since I was still nursing my little girl, but I felt all the "new baby" let downs. It is the worst. Hugs!!


AFM, I am on CD33, 5 days late, no AF, and really no sign of her either. I am never, ever late. With my last loss, I started AF 5 weeks and resumed my normal 28 day cycle. I was hoping that would happen this time too. I will test again on Thursday if no AF.


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## kiki04

Or you could test tomorrow... that works just as well ;)


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## Bride2b

Jenni - I hope your cycles havent gone whack too!

I've thought about acupuncture but not sure if I want to be pricked with loads of needles! Reflexology seems a nicer option for me! I did post in the TTC forums...wonder if I've had a response there! If not I think I'll phone another woman in the area that does it.

x


----------



## Andypanda6570

jennijunni said:


> I did not get engorged, since I was still nursing my little girl, but I felt all the "new baby" let downs. It is the worst. Hugs!!
> 
> 
> AFM, I am on CD33, 5 days late, no AF, and really no sign of her either. I am never, ever late. With my last loss, I started AF 5 weeks and resumed my normal 28 day cycle. I was hoping that would happen this time too. I will test again on Thursday if no AF.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I wish you all the best..XOOXO I am right now in a 2WW , I was not planning on trying now, but lets see what happens.

XOXOXOO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kiki04

Last night I had a dream that I vaginally delivered via water birth a 12 lb baby girl!? :wacko: And I wanted to name her Isabella. :shrug:


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## Andypanda6570

kiki04 said:


> Last night I had a dream that I vaginally delivered via water birth a 12 lb baby girl!? :wacko: And I wanted to name her Isabella. :shrug:

LOL.. You are SO funny, but what a great dream.. Holy Moly 12 pds :dohh: :haha::haha: :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

i love the name isabella :) could be a good sign lol xxx


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## OliveBay

Bride2b said:


> I've thought about acupuncture but not sure if I want to be pricked with loads of needles! Reflexology seems a nicer option for me! I did post in the TTC forums...wonder if I've had a response there! If not I think I'll phone another woman in the area that does it.
> 
> x

I've had accupuncture in the past and it really wasn't as bad as you might think. The needles are so fine that its nothing like having an injection, like I'd imagined it would be. I had it in my knees, which you'd think would hurt a lot as they are pretty bony (well, mine are downright knobbly to be honest!! :haha:), but it didn't hurt at all. I sort-of felt a tugging as they were going in, then it just felt really warm and relaxing whilst they were in there. Quite a strange sensation but I'd definitely consider having it again. Maybe something for you to consider if the reflexology doesn't work out. I do like the reiki idea too - can't remember who suggested that.



kiki04 said:


> Last night I had a dream that I vaginally delivered via water birth a 12 lb baby girl!? :wacko: And I wanted to name her Isabella. :shrug:

I keep having quite vivid labour dreams too, its so strange. Unfortunately my last dream didn't have a happy ending like yours :cry: - hope thats not a bad omen for me :nope: Must be my mind going into overdrive again and replaying past events.
I love the name Isabella too by the way - maybe put it on your list for the future!
PS any sign of AF yet? Can't remember what's going on with you right now!


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## kiki04

OH MY WORD SHE'S HERE!!!! AF IS FREAKIN HERE!!!! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

She showed up about an hour ago.... while I am at work... but the point is.... SHE'S HERE!!! :happydance:


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## OliveBay

kiki04 said:


> OH MY WORD SHE'S HERE!!!! AF IS FREAKIN HERE!!!! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:
> 
> She showed up about an hour ago.... while I am at work... but the point is.... SHE'S HERE!!! :happydance:


Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!!! About freaking time!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
I'm sooooooo pleased for you Krissy, that has been one record-breakingly-long cycle. Here's hoping things settle down for next time. Does this mean you'll be TTC soon then......?!!


----------



## kiki04

You bet!!! :happydance:


----------



## dnlfinker

kiki04 said:


> you bet!!! :happydance:


hallaluya!


----------



## dnlfinker

dnlfinker said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> you bet!!! :happydance:
> 
> 
> hallaluya!Click to expand...

. By the way , that explains your [email protected]


----------



## Bride2b

THANK THE LORD!!!!!!!:happydance: Bloody hell Krissy that was EPIC! And so much for the dreams....ummmm maybe something in it?

I had a dream a few nights back, it was very vivid too, I was getting into the car outside the hospital with my baby boy, it was pretty cold & getting quite dark (early evening Oct/Nov/Dec time). If I get a BFP in Feb or March then this is the time of year I would have a baby...is it a sign? Or am just hoping that I get a BFP in the next 2-3 months & am just hoping for another boy so I can live Berties life through him? Um dunno :dohh:

Oops rambled...again!!!

So pleased AF is here Krissy, another one for the Feb TTC club!! Yay :happydance:

Sally, reiki sounds interesting too, but I think I want to be physically touched - well massaged. I contacted a lady today via email and she sent me a message about calling me tonight, but I've been at the gym for the past 2 1/2 hours so I asked her to call in the morning which she is going to do. So fingers crossed she has some info!

I cant remember whats going on with everyone. We have a few in the TWW dont we, so whos testing first? I've not heard much about poas addictions lately :haha: I am gonna start poas on Thurs to see when I OV (I'm CD 12 & with CBFM I OV'd between CD16-18) xxx


----------



## dnlfinker

dnlfinker said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> you bet!!! :happydance:
> 
> 
> hallaluya!Click to expand...

. By the way , that explains your [email protected]:kiss:


----------



## winterwonder

kiki04 said:


> OH MY WORD SHE'S HERE!!!! AF IS FREAKIN HERE!!!! :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:
> 
> She showed up about an hour ago.... while I am at work... but the point is.... SHE'S HERE!!! :happydance:

Yay! Woot!


----------



## Nikki_d72

So glad Krissy! FX'd for next cycle, hope your dream was an omen! xxx


----------



## kiki04

Well not the 12lb part :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Can we say YEOUCH!!!! :wacko:


----------



## Andypanda6570

SOoooo happy you got it!!!! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Kelly9

Great news on AF, how long did you have to wait? 

We had our apt at the fertility clinic today and it gave me my first glimmer of hope that I've had in weeks. We have to go back on the wait list which is about 2-3 months long but then even if my cycles aren't sorted (which they should be) we can still continue on with a frozen egg transfer since they control your cycle and lining with meds. So we're looking at likely april for our FET. I don't think it is to soon, my desire to be pregnant again is very strong and though I know it will be a hard pregnancy to get through, if all works as we would hope, it will help me to focus on happier times while still giving me the 3 ish months to grieve that I know I will need. 

My milk is in and I am terribly engorged and full, no let down feelings yet but I am leaking some, not enough to need a pad though. The doc gave me some pills to take for a week and said it should be gone by then, I can't wait. Maybe sooner since it's been 2/3 days since it came in. Bleeding has also slowed a lot and is starting to turn brown though still has a fair amount of that light pinky/red colour.


----------



## kiki04

This cycle has been 64 days so far :dohh: They are normally 31-33 days :shrug:

And 3 months will fly by my friend!! I have confidence your next FET will be a successful one :hugs:


----------



## Kelly9

I hope so. We'll be doing 2 embryo's at 3 day transfer. It gives me something to look forward to. I'll be taking clomid in between to make sure my cycle doesn't drag out. 64 days is crazy!


----------



## as.strong.as

Hi I'm new here so unsure how it works I lost my twin boys max and bobby five weeks ago I was five mouths gone and they had ttts when I found this out both me and my hubby tried to remind positive then my next scan showed our boys had died I knew before they told me gut feeling I lost my first daughter who would of turn 18 this year so dreading Christmas the only thing that keeps me going is my three year old son although very small he is the biggest rock in my world I feel so guilty that he may be a only child and so want to try again but I really feel my body soul and spirit couldn't take anymore goodbyes xxx


----------



## feeble

So sorry for your losses as.strong.as

Five weeks is not much time, give yourself a chance to heal before trying again hey but don't make any big decisions about trying or not trying now, it's not time for that, just be kind to yourself x x x

Much love x


----------



## Nikki_d72

as.strong.as said:


> Hi I'm new here so unsure how it works I lost my twin boys max and bobby five weeks ago I was five mouths gone and they had ttts when I found this out both me and my hubby tried to remind positive then my next scan showed our boys had died I knew before they told me gut feeling I lost my first daughter who would of turn 18 this year so dreading Christmas the only thing that keeps me going is my three year old son although very small he is the biggest rock in my world I feel so guilty that he may be a only child and so want to try again but I really feel my body soul and spirit couldn't take anymore goodbyes xxx

I'm so sorry hon for your loss of your lovely boys, it's so unfair. I also lost ID twin boys at 5 months, but due to pPROM, where the waters break. It's so heartbraking whatever the reason. I hope you stick around here and let all the wonderful ladies on here help you, they have been a lifesaver to me. I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter too. xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

as.strong.as said:


> Hi I'm new here so unsure how it works I lost my twin boys max and bobby five weeks ago I was five mouths gone and they had ttts when I found this out both me and my hubby tried to remind positive then my next scan showed our boys had died I knew before they told me gut feeling I lost my first daughter who would of turn 18 this year so dreading Christmas the only thing that keeps me going is my three year old son although very small he is the biggest rock in my world I feel so guilty that he may be a only child and so want to try again but I really feel my body soul and spirit couldn't take anymore goodbyes xxx

I am so deeply sorry for your losses :cry::cry: How devastaing. You need time to heal . I lost my Ava at 20 weeks on 3/3/2011 and only now am i trying again. I am 41 and have 3 boys already 20,17 and 11 and was not planning on having anymore, Ava was a beautiful surprise for me. I know what you mean about not taking anymore pain, I am petrified to try again , but I am going to give it one more try and pray for the best. They don't know why Ava passed I had all great signs, they picked up her heartbeat at 7 weeks it was 192. I never ever knew I could experience so much pain, but it does exist. If you ever need to talk I am always around..XOXO Andrea 
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry mama. How awful. So much sadness. I lost my baby boy Judah in June at 17 weeks, and then became pregnant really quickly, and we sadly lost that baby girl at 15 weeks. But I have confidence that I will have another one. I am so sorry for you. I know the pain is so new right now. We are all here for you. Lots of hugs!!


----------



## Kelly9

So sorry for your loss :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

as.strong.as, I am so sorry about the losses of your little twins & your daughter. Please take comfort that we have all lost our treasured ones here...some more than once, some later on in the second trimester & some earlier. Overall we all know the emotional rollercoaster that happens after a loss. I think what I a trying to say is that we are there for you and we understand some of what you must be going through, its a really safe place to vent & get support.

Kelly9 I am glad you have had a good bit of news with regards to your next FET, April will come around really quickly. I kept on looking into the future the week I lost Bertie & kept thinking that there are so many weeks that needed to pass before I can try again, and this really upset me (and still does) but I've managed 7 weeks so far, and I know in about 4 weeks or so I will be ttc again. In one sense time has flown by, but it has also dragged. I feel that I might feel a bit more 'me' again once I can do something proactive like try again, this limbo stage is such a pain in the arse. But Kelly it will go past quickly - and it does give you time to grieve over the loss of your LO.

Hope everyone else is ok xxxxx


----------



## jojo23

hey girls just wanted to pop in and let you know my facebook is acting a lil crazy at the moment so if i havent accepted your friend requests etc dont worry im not ignoring you!! just have to wait until the weekend to get someone to have a look at it... love to you all xxxxxxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hey,
Just checking in to see how everyone is doing? I don't feel any different so I am thinking I didn't hit it this month, even though I was not planning to anyway :dohh: I guess I just have to wait till the 26th to really know.
Hope everyone has a great day..XOOXOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## winterwonder

as.strong.as I'm so sorry for your loss, i hope you can find some comfort here from all the lovely ladies.

I hope everyone else is doing ok?

Afm - spoke to the doc about this recent loss, and he said they wouldn't start investigating until i'd had a third miscarriage, and to wait a few moths till we try again, so i'm thinking late march, i want to hopefully have at least 2 af's before we try again so i know its all working properly.

xxxx


----------



## OliveBay

winterwonder said:


> Afm - spoke to the doc about this recent loss, and he said they wouldn't start investigating until i'd had a third miscarriage, and to wait a few moths till we try again, so i'm thinking late march, i want to hopefully have at least 2 af's before we try again so i know its all working properly.

Sounds sensible to me. March will be here in no time. Until then, just enjoy doing all the things you can't do when you're pregnant!



Andypanda6570 said:


> Hey,
> Just checking in to see how everyone is doing? I don't feel any different so I am thinking I didn't hit it this month, even though I was not planning to anyway :dohh: I guess I just have to wait till the 26th to really know.
> Hope everyone has a great day..XOOXOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Andrea, don't give up hope yet, its still waaaay too early to tell! Sending positive vibes your way :hugs:



as.strong.as said:


> Hi I'm new here so unsure how it works I lost my twin boys max and bobby five weeks ago I was five mouths gone and they had ttts when I found this out both me and my hubby tried to remind positive then my next scan showed our boys had died I knew before they told me gut feeling I lost my first daughter who would of turn 18 this year so dreading Christmas the only thing that keeps me going is my three year old son although very small he is the biggest rock in my world I feel so guilty that he may be a only child and so want to try again but I really feel my body soul and spirit couldn't take anymore goodbyes xxx

So sorry for your losses, but welcome here. Do you mind if I ask what ttts is? (please don't feel you have to reply if its too upsetting for you)




Bride2b said:


> Sally, reiki sounds interesting too, but I think I want to be physically touched - well massaged. I contacted a lady today via email and she sent me a message about calling me tonight, but I've been at the gym for the past 2 1/2 hours so I asked her to call in the morning which she is going to do. So fingers crossed she has some info!
> 
> I cant remember whats going on with everyone. We have a few in the TWW dont we, so whos testing first? I've not heard much about poas addictions lately :haha: I am gonna start poas on Thurs to see when I OV (I'm CD 12 & with CBFM I OV'd between CD16-18) xxx

Really weirdly my counsellor brought up the subject of alternative therapies in our session today - what a strange coincidence! I used to work with someone who did reiki so I may see if I can contact her, as I'm quite intrigued by it now, although I'll have to ask if that's ok if I'm in the 2WW. Don't want to disturb anything that might be going on in there! if this cycle isn't successful I think I'll look into something for next time, but still not sure if I could handle someone messing around with my feet :haha:

As for the poas, I think I'm going to try to hold out til next weekend (28th) but I know in all reality I'll probably use some ICs from next Wednesday onwards because I'm so flipping impatient. I just never tire of peeing on those lovely magic little strips! It's so much fun!! After my IC's were really vague and inconclusive last time, I said I wasn't going to bother with them anymore, but then I changed my mind and put in another order :dohh:


----------



## kiki04

Oh she's messing with me :growlmad: Darn spotting now for 2 days... I know she's coming but I just want her to actually show her face already so I can get on to my new cycle.. so I can start POS's with my OPK's soon so I can fertilize an egg :rofl: Its going to happen this month... just you wait and see.... I WILL be pg before Hadlee's one year angelversary.... :thumbup: I got pg with her on my cycle that started Jan 28, 2011. If this beeee-otch ever shows up, say like tomorrow... Then this will be the one. Jan 19. Only one week before Hadlee's due date. :thumbup:


----------



## MummyStobe

Popping in to say a quick hello to everyone.

I've noticed there are a couple of new names here now. I'm very sorry for your losses and that you've had to join us but you've found the right place for comfort and support, everyone here is amazing. as.strong.as - my angel son is also called Max - we said goodbye to him on 10th Aug 2011 after pprom at 19+3.

Hope everyone is well and AF is and isn't turning up as everyone wants.

AFM: I've got my first cervix scan on Monday and seeing the consultant again on Wednesday with the results of the scan.

Love to you all xx


----------



## Andypanda6570

For some reason my muscles are so achy, why? My arms and legs and now my shoulder :dohh::dohh::dohh: My body is playing tricks on me again. I don't understand why the body does this. I actually wont be upset if I am not pregnant, cause I wanted to loose some more weight anyway. I just don't understand why i am achy, I am not sick.. Weird.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

GL Hayley, hope it's shut tight! xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Sounds promising Andrea!


----------



## as.strong.as

Ttts is twin to twin transfusion syndrome only occurs in identical twins it's were the placentae has fused blood vessels and supply's one twin with too much blood and the other with little blood it is treatable but our twins had a acute bleed before any treatment could of been done if needed max was bright red when he was born because of it and bobby was pale so small but both were beautiful in our eyes xxx


----------



## Bentlee

I would like to join you group, may I?


----------



## Nikki_d72

as.strong.as said:


> Ttts is twin to twin transfusion syndrome only occurs in identical twins it's were the placentae has fused blood vessels and supply's one twin with too much blood and the other with little blood it is treatable but our twins had a acute bleed before any treatment could of been done if needed max was bright red when he was born because of it and bobby was pale so small but both were beautiful in our eyes xxx

I'm sorry hun, I knew what it was as I was tested for it after the membrane rupture with my boys. It's such crappy luck, it does seem to be a huge risk with ID twins. Do you know the chorionicity of your boys? Were they in their own sacs or together in one? Mine were monochorionic, Diamniotic - so they had one outer layer around them both, then an inner layer each and only one placenta. This is quite risky but not as risky as mono/monos, where they share a sac and can get their chords tangled up. It's of no comfort now I know but at least you know for definite that your loss was solely caused by the twin type they were and so won't recur. It may bring you some small comfort if you ever decide to try for a rainbow. I'm so sorry it all occured before any operation was possible, it's a raw deal. huge hugs. xxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

Bentlee said:


> I would like to join you group, may I?

Of course you may..XOOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Kelly9

as.strong.as the doc I saw for my/hannah's surgery primarily does ttts surgeries for Canada, he's one of the few, we had a similar procedure for ttts done to our little girl to stop her tumour from growing but sadly she didn't make it.


----------



## Bride2b

:hi: Bentlee, your more than welcome here, everyone is lovely & more than happy to help get you back on track to a happier place after such sad times xx

Krissy - my AF teased me for a few days with the whole spotting on and off for a few day, which is why I started getting my hopes up that it was IB - that little witch was really playing with my emotions! Then she arrived full on! Good Luck! And I LOVE the positive thinking too - next cycle is going to be the one especially as you've had to wait soooooooo long x

Sally - let me know about the reiki & what they say. 

I am having reflexology next Friday, the lady was lovely & said that its really beneficial to have after a trauma as it helps but everything back in balance & helps to deal with the emotions. She almost guarantees that people feel great after their first session. She also has a special interest in fertility/conception/maternity so I think is really keen on working on me. She said it really does make a difference. Going for a half hour free session to see if I like it (bonus!!!), I am sure I will, so then going to book in for more. I am so certain that next month will be my month (I havent even considered that it wont!) I am going to follow the SMEP too as if you do t properly 40% of ladies get their BFP after MC compared to 20 % of women who dont use it! I hope to use the yesbaby lube too!
I was supposed to be 36 weeks pg for my best friends wedding in April, I am determined that I will be pg for her wedding :kiss:

Hayley GL for the scan xx

Andrea I hope its a good sign xx

Nikki, you must be almost done in the tww?

Kelly & as.strong.as I hope you ladies are doing ok xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Hi girls - hope everyone's ok. 

Welcome Bentlee :flower:

Gemma - reflexology sounds good. I can do reiki on myself so I usually self treat. I can treat others but it's been so long I've lost confidence. I can also do distance healing, so if anyone would like some, I am happy to send it.

Nikki - :dust: (a little smilie for ya)

Andrea - :dust: (and for you!)

Hayley - gl for scan xxx

AFM: I have a scan tomorrow at 9am so fingers crossed we see a little bubs in there doing ok. Wish me luck xxx


----------



## Bentlee

Thanks for the warm welcome, ladies! Baby:dust: to you all!


----------



## Bride2b

Good Luck for tomorrow Helen xxxxxxx


----------



## jennijunni

i think after messing with me for 2 days my Af has finally arrived!! Bitch! LOL!! So this morning a bit more spotting. I hope she is here to stay!

Welcome to all the new faces. I hope all of our bump mamas are doing well, and growing nice and round. GL to all the TTC mamas. I forsee a bunch of BFP's next month!!!


----------



## feeble

:( 

Just found out an old friend gave birth to a wee girl yesterday (my due date) 

she looks perfect, i am happy for them but shell shocked really 

How can life be so cruel.


----------



## kiki04

:hugs: Thats tough :hugs:

*On a side note, I always want to call you Feebs... because on 'Friends' they call Pheobe, Feebs and that all I think when I see your name! I just wanna be like "Oh hey feebs!" :thumbup:

:rofl:

AFM-I finally can say she is here and I couldnt be happier. I am sure it was just stress because even after losing Hadlee, I got my first true AF 41 days later, then they slower got back to my normal 31-33 day cycles ever since. Them bam out of nowehere I get a 65 day cycle... garbage I tell ya... garbage! :dohh:


----------



## feeble

Yeah feebs is one of my many nicknames x your welcome to call me that x


----------



## blav

kiki04 said:


> :hugs: Thats tough :hugs:
> 
> *On a side note, I always want to call you Feebs... because on 'Friends' they call Pheobe, Feebs and that all I think when I see your name! I just wanna be like "Oh hey feebs!" :thumbup:
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> AFM-I finally can say she is here and I couldnt be happier. I am sure it was just stress because even after losing Hadlee, I got my first true AF 41 days later, then they slower got back to my normal 31-33 day cycles ever since. Them bam out of nowehere I get a 65 day cycle... garbage I tell ya... garbage! :dohh:

Yay!!! So glad she's here!!! I have a lot to catch up on!

AFM I feel like I'm out this month. I was doing the BBT and it seemed like my temp went up just before my fertile period should have started (but I was paranoid so I would go back to bed and take it later and it did go down). I took an OPK the day my fertile period was supposed to start and the line was light, next day it was light, since then NOTHING, not even a light line! Sooo, I've kind of given up for this month even though OH and I did :sex: a few times, I'm just afraid I o'd too early. Will have to start the OPK earlier next month. Gack!


----------



## Hellylou

blav said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> :hugs: Thats tough :hugs:
> 
> *On a side note, I always want to call you Feebs... because on 'Friends' they call Pheobe, Feebs and that all I think when I see your name! I just wanna be like "Oh hey feebs!" :thumbup:
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> AFM-I finally can say she is here and I couldnt be happier. I am sure it was just stress because even after losing Hadlee, I got my first true AF 41 days later, then they slower got back to my normal 31-33 day cycles ever since. Them bam out of nowehere I get a 65 day cycle... garbage I tell ya... garbage! :dohh:
> 
> Yay!!! So glad she's here!!! I have a lot to catch up on!
> 
> AFM I feel like I'm out this month. I was doing the BBT and it seemed like my temp went up just before my fertile period should have started (but I was paranoid so I would go back to bed and take it later and it did go down). I took an OPK the day my fertile period was supposed to start and the line was light, next day it was light, since then NOTHING, not even a light line! Sooo, I've kind of given up for this month even though OH and I did :sex: a few times, I'm just afraid I o'd too early. Will have to start the OPK earlier next month. Gack!Click to expand...

Did you manage to BD a few times before you started using the OPKs? If so, it wont really matter as you may have caught the egg anyway. Or could it be that you haven't O'd yet and still may? I would carry on using the OPKs until AF shows (or not, hopefully) just to be on the safe side.


----------



## blav

Hellylou said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> :hugs: Thats tough :hugs:
> 
> *On a side note, I always want to call you Feebs... because on 'Friends' they call Pheobe, Feebs and that all I think when I see your name! I just wanna be like "Oh hey feebs!" :thumbup:
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> AFM-I finally can say she is here and I couldnt be happier. I am sure it was just stress because even after losing Hadlee, I got my first true AF 41 days later, then they slower got back to my normal 31-33 day cycles ever since. Them bam out of nowehere I get a 65 day cycle... garbage I tell ya... garbage! :dohh:
> 
> Yay!!! So glad she's here!!! I have a lot to catch up on!
> 
> AFM I feel like I'm out this month. I was doing the BBT and it seemed like my temp went up just before my fertile period should have started (but I was paranoid so I would go back to bed and take it later and it did go down). I took an OPK the day my fertile period was supposed to start and the line was light, next day it was light, since then NOTHING, not even a light line! Sooo, I've kind of given up for this month even though OH and I did :sex: a few times, I'm just afraid I o'd too early. Will have to start the OPK earlier next month. Gack!Click to expand...
> 
> Did you manage to BD a few times before you started using the OPKs? If so, it wont really matter as you may have caught the egg anyway. Or could it be that you haven't O'd yet and still may? I would carry on using the OPKs until AF shows (or not, hopefully) just to be on the safe side.Click to expand...

No we didn't BD before :dohh: should have! It could be that I haven't but I think it's unlikely. I think you're right, I should keep using them until the :witch: comes...if she does. I really wanted to give OH a BFP for Valentine's Day! :growlmad:


----------



## Kelly9

I'm hanging in barely some days. I got really mad at someone who called what happened to me a miscarriage, I set them straight though. Anyone else get mad about that or am I just still hurting to much?


----------



## feeble

I had a woman tell me that she understood exactly how I was feeling because she lost a baby at 8 weeks and then proceeded to ask why I couldn't just have a d+c... 

I very nearly punched her


----------



## Kelly9

Some people are so ignorant. I would have punched her. At least in my case I think they called it an mc just for lack of knowing what else to call it.


----------



## kiki04

I get SUPER angry when people refer to it as a miscarriage.... it was NOT a miscarriage and an 8 week loss is NOT the same as a 20 weeks loss :cry:


----------



## Bride2b

Totally agree, I do not class what I had as a miscarriage.....I gave birth, he was perfectly formed, just a little teeny baby. People who have miscarriages do not give birth to perfect little people! I have told everyone who knew about my pregnancy what I had to go through, and that it wasnt a miscarriage, I gave birth. 

x


----------



## Bride2b

Its my OH birthday in a few weeks & I am getting my friend to make him some cufflinks with Berties name on and his little thumb print in each one (Just like the necklace I had made - which I plan on wearing every day for the rest of my life). I am going to get a cuff link box to put them in, but one you can engrave with a personal message.:flower:
I want the message to say something along the lines of a special memory with love. I kind of want to make sure that they are given to him in memory of our son but not directly from Bertie if that makes sense. Anyway has anyone got any suggestions of wording I can use?

I am hoping he will wear these on our wedding day. 

Thanks xx


----------



## feeble

It was horrid, having to explain to this woman that delivering my daughter at 23 weeks was not the same as her early loss... We have barely spoken since 

She took great exception to my insistence that she stop referring to my loss as a miscarriage and suggesting she 'knew exactly how I felt' 'I've been through the same' 

Very hard. 

Also, even though my baby was dead, even though I spent eight hours in labour, I wouldn't have changed it... That was my birth of my child, not a quick operation I could forget about... It was a birth albeit a still one... 

She just didn't understand and got upset with me...


----------



## Nikki_d72

Bride2b said:


> Its my OH birthday in a few weeks & I am getting my friend to make him some cufflinks with Berties name on and his little thumb print in each one (Just like the necklace I had made - which I plan on wearing every day for the rest of my life). I am going to get a cuff link box to put them in, but one you can engrave with a personal message.:flower:
> I want the message to say something along the lines of a special memory with love. I kind of want to make sure that they are given to him in memory of our son but not directly from Bertie if that makes sense. Anyway has anyone got any suggestions of wording I can use?
> 
> I am hoping he will wear these on our wedding day.
> 
> Thanks xx

Maybe something to do with imprints on the heart? I'm sure there's a poem something about that somewhere, it might be about footprints but you could adapt it - maybe there's a line you could use? I'm thinking there won't be much space on the back but a good hand-engraver can do amazing things.

Getting fingerprints was a brilliant idea! I've got hand prints and footprints just. 

I'm also a jeweller, though I've not been using my trade for years now (was supposed to be part of the plan in coming here to NZ but the house has taken over as usual) and I was thinking of getting my act together and making something for me and DH, he's not really a jewellery guy but would maybe wear something really subtle. I am wondering how they transpose the fingerprints/footprints etc into the metal - is it photo-etching, do you know? Sorry to crash your question, but it's been bugging me for ages how to do it! Would you mind asking her for me? :flower:

I'm sure you OH will proudly wear them to the wedding, it's a very thoughtful idea. xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

As for the misacrriage thing, yeh I hear you - it drives me nuts! 

I bawled my mother out the morning after having the boys on the phone coz she asked me if I needed a D&C, poor woman didn't have a clue, she was on the other side of the world rummaging about forums like this trying to get a handle on what had happened to me. I felt really bad afterwards, as I was a bit brutal with her and told her exactly what had happened! She just didn't understand, no-one in our close family had even had a M/C never mind a midtrimester loss or stillbirth. 

Some folk just try to be kind and say the wrong thing, others seem to want to insist they know all about it, I just say now "unless you've been through this you'll never get it and I hope you never do..." I don't really discuss it with many folk beyond here though TBH, I just don't want to hear their misplaced opinions. 

My Mum and Dad's main concern was for me, but I was just wanting my boys back and worrying about if they suffered etc. The fact that they were only concerned about me bugged me! Silly, huh. They were thousands of miles away so couldn't see anything else I suppose, she knows more now and gets it a lot better, she really made the effort to find out, poor woman. I don't tell her much though, she's so far away and can't do anything I don't want her looking into this abyss with me - why make anyone else see it?


----------



## feeble

The thing is, I would never imagine that I knew how someone else is feeling! Even if they went through the exact same thing as me, it would be their experience not mine! 

I just think its an incredibly arrogant thing to assume you know exactly how someone feels about the death of their child x


----------



## Bride2b

Nikki_d72 said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> I
> I'm also a jeweller, though I've not been using my trade for years now (was supposed to be part of the plan in coming here to NZ but the house has taken over as usual) and I was thinking of getting my act together and making something for me and DH, he's not really a jewellery guy but would maybe wear something really subtle. I am wondering how they transpose the fingerprints/footprints etc into the metal - is it photo-etching, do you know? Sorry to crash your question, but it's been bugging me for ages how to do it! Would you mind asking her for me? :flower:
> 
> My friend takes impressions in a special clay that you mix together & sets quite quickly, so before it sets you take the print. This then hardens and she uses it to make silver jewellery. She came with me 2 days after I had Bertie and took prints of his hands & feet and his thumb print. His hands and feet are in silver...they are too big to make into jewellery but are gorgeous. She used a heart shape cutter to make a pendant with his thumb print in.
> 
> This is the sort of thing;
> 
> https://www.fingerprint-jewellery.co.uk/catalog/fingerprint-jewellery-c-51.html
> 
> There is also the option to send in / email scanned hand and footprint that are then reduced & put onto silver (somehow). They are gorgeous too.....if the link works there is something about it in the FAQ section.
> 
> I wear mine everyday & so many people have commented how lovely it is. I will try & take a photo of it & upload. I feel like he is with me & I am so proud to wear it xx
> 
> I will look into poems too - great idea xx:thumbup:Click to expand...


----------



## Nikki_d72

Ah, it's precious metal clay. Wow, what a brilliant thing you did, getting casts made! It's the photo or print thing I'm wondering about, as it's too late for me to do what you did. Thanks for the link, I'll look it up now. xx

ETA: I see it's s special putty they use to take the impressions then cast them from there, not PMC. What a great site she's created. Better not ask about her technology, she'll think I'm going to rip off her idea! I'd just like the footprints put onto sheet so I can do my own thing with it from there, I could contact them to ask about this. Thanks again for the link!


----------



## OliveBay

as.strong.as, thanks for explaining about ttts - I've never heard of it before. I'm so sorry for your beautiful little boys

Bentlee, welcome here, I'm so sorry that yet another person has to go through this, but I hope we can help you through this :hugs:

Helen, I am keeping my all my fingers and toes crossed that everything is ok at your scan tomorrow. I know you'll let us know how it goes and I will be frantically checking here for updates. I've never heard of distance healing with reiki - how does that work? I'm very intrigued and perhaps tempted to take you up on your offer!

Kelly9 and everyone else who commented on people calling what happened to us a 'miscarriage' - I am totally with you all. I absolutely don't consider that I had a miscarriage, I just had to give birth to my baby early as he had passed away. He was a fully formed, perfect little man, much bigger than I had expected, with all his fingers and toes, beautiful little eyelids and cute little nose. I totally have to bite my tongue when people liken it to an early loss, as it is nowhere near the same thing, and think this will always make me angry. I can almost forgive people who have never had children for thinking this, as maybe they just don't know what happens at different stages of pregnancy and have never heard anything about second tri loss. But I've recently found out that one of my friends who has a child herself has likened the loss of my baby to some personal difficulties she had herself and I just can't believe she thinks they are even comparable. If it wasn't you all of you ladies, I would sometimes drive myself mad thinking that no-one else in the world truly understands what this loss has been like. I'm sorry that such sad events have brought us all here but glad I've found you all :hugs:

PS am around 7dpo now, the countdown to poas madness has started! No symmtoms yet, but I've never noticed anything this early anyway. Andrea, maybe your tired achy thing could be a symptom....?!

Big love to everyone else :hugs:


----------



## winterwonder

Evening girls,

I remember my Mil pointing out that my Sil had had a miscarriage at 9 weeks at some point after i lost bud, and all i could think of was seriously, it really isn't the same thing, and now having had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, yes it sucks,and is devastating especially if you had all your hopes and dreams pinned on it but it is definitely not the same.

just my opinion!

love you all xxx


----------



## as.strong.as

Hi they both had there own sacks but shared the one placentae x


----------



## Nikki_d72

as.strong.as said:


> Hi they both had there own sacks but shared the one placentae x

This might not be your thing, but I got my boys' placenta back and put it in a big ceramic pot outside the front door and planted a camelia bush in it, as it flowers around the time they were born, I've underplanted it with snowdrops too as they were in bloom also at that time and my DD picked them for the tiny posies she made each of them for their cremation, they are so apt. I'd like to get a plaque made with the poem "snowdrops" on it and put it in the pot too. It's nice to have something here with me that was part of both of them, and that can (hopefully) help sustain new life in the plants. It means if we ever move we can take it and is something I see everyday to remember them by. Just thought I'd share that with you, making a memorial can be very therapeautic. I wasn't in the form to do it for ages, the placenta lived in my freezer for quite a while till I was ready. xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Interesting debate about the miscarriage thing...

The other week I saw a colleague and friend who I hadn't seen since my loss (never in the same place at the same time), and we were talking and I told her a few details about what happened. Halfway through she stopped me and said "wait a minute, I thought you had a _miscarriage_!" I had to tell her, yes, that's the medical term for it at this stage. She said "I thought it was like a bad period or something - you had a stillbirth!". She was horrified, so much more upset, and amazed I'd gone back to work after only 4 weeks after suffering that. She just had no idea what it meant, and people use the term miscarriage right up to when the baby would be 'viable', I think?

Sometimes just a few details are enough to make people stop using the term miscarriage. My colleague was furious that the email that had gone round about me losing the baby gave no indication of what had really gone on. I mean, I would never have wanted them to give any details, obviously, but I do think different terminology would let people know the utter trauma of a 2nd trimester loss.


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hellylou said:


> Interesting debate about the miscarriage thing...
> 
> The other week I saw a colleague and friend who I hadn't seen since my loss (never in the same place at the same time), and we were talking and I told her a few details about what happened. Halfway through she stopped me and said "wait a minute, I thought you had a _miscarriage_!" I had to tell her, yes, that's the medical term for it at this stage. She said "I thought it was like a bad period or something - you had a stillbirth!". She was horrified, so much more upset, and amazed I'd gone back to work after only 4 weeks after suffering that. She just had no idea what it meant, and people use the term miscarriage right up to when the baby would be 'viable', I think?
> 
> Sometimes just a few details are enough to make people stop using the term miscarriage. My colleague was furious that the email that had gone round about me losing the baby gave no indication of what had really gone on. I mean, I would never have wanted them to give any details, obviously, but I do think different terminology would let people know the utter trauma of a 2nd trimester loss.

I think that's it exactly, Helen - it's the terminology that throws people off and it's usually just lack of understanding on their part. In the main I'd say it's not bad-mindedness that causes it and most folk will be horrified when they find out the truth. 

I swing between wanting people to know and acknowledge what happened and sort fo protecting folk from the truth, you know? What you know you can't un-know sort of thing. It depends who it is I'm talking to really. I think for me now the best thing to say is that they were born too early to survive at only 5 months, which for me is the truth. It lets people know they were born and that's the reason they died, which it is, without having to go into details. I know that doesn't fit with everyone's situation though. I had to think of a concise way of saying it as I was being asked so bloody often if I'd had my baby, when I was at work. :cry: I got it again just a few days ago - I thought I was past it now. A lady came in, peered over the bartop at my belly and said "well, baby number 2??" I couldn't even reply, it caught me so off guard, I just looked at her and shook my head frantically. She must have realised what I meant and just said she was really sorry. She stayed with her friends till closing, I was a bit of a shaky mess, we never spoke about it - she probably thought I wouldn't want to given my ridiculous response, I felt so stupid, I just wasn't ready for it.


----------



## jennijunni

I agree with all of you. I have had an early loss at 6-7 weeks, I was devastated, but I healed quickly, and while it was a sad time for me, it was nothing compared to my 2 second trimester losses, Judahs especially. I held him, and put his tiny hand on my finger, and touched and looked at his little toes, and fingers. He was perfect, a perfect little baby. I almost died when I had him. when I tell people that they still dont understand. I literally almost bled to death and have blood transfusions, had to have emergency surgery, and lost half of my blood volume. It was the most traumatic thing I have ever been through. And all I can think about is holding him in my hands in the bathroom, and looking at him and sobbing. That was not a miscarriage, that was birth, that was life and death, that was a baby who I loved, and looked at in amazement like I would any of my other children. My second 2nd trimester loss at 15 weeks was not as traumatic, but also in a way more traumatic in a way, because I was in pregnancy bliss, and was shocked that it was happening again. But I chose to have a D&E, and I think it helped with the coping a bit more. But I will never forget those sweet spirits that moved, and wriggled, and were a part of me, and who I looked at and held, and admired. I really wish people understood the difference, and understood the pain, and suffering. It is like no other. Hugs mamas!!


----------



## Kelly9

I'm glad it's not just me then. I think medically they refer to it as an mc here to but I promptly corrected each and everyone of them and said what I went through was not an MC I delivered a fully formed baby. I refer to it as still birth. Medically they say it's stillbirth at 20 weeks here but I was close enough. I went through the same that someone 20 weeks would have to deliver the baby. It just gets me so mad/upset to hear it referred to that way like I had a bad period etc. 

I didn't get hand and foot prints though I think they were suppose to do them. I do have a lot of keep sakes but nothing compared to having my actual baby girl.


----------



## Bride2b

Nikki_d72 said:


> Ah, it's precious metal clay. Wow, what a brilliant thing you did, getting casts made! It's the photo or print thing I'm wondering about, as it's too late for me to do what you did. Thanks for the link, I'll look it up now. xx
> 
> ETA: I see it's s special putty they use to take the impressions then cast them from there, not PMC. What a great site she's created. Better not ask about her technology, she'll think I'm going to rip off her idea! I'd just like the footprints put onto sheet so I can do my own thing with it from there, I could contact them to ask about this. Thanks again for the link!

I've no idea how they transfer prints on paper to the silver,it's very clever though,I think I read that they developed the technology for circumstances like ours where we get prints from the hospital on paper but where it's too late to get impressions done. Im sure google has the answer! I know there are lots of different companies doing the clay type like my friend does,I think the link that I posted allows people to become trained in doing the prints & supply people with the means to make a business out of it.

I was terrified my prints from the hospital might get ruined & is the only thing I had,I didn't keep the blanket or anything (I wish I had now) but at the time I didn't feel it was his so couldn't see why I would want it. Anyway I wanted something tangiable that I could hold & touch,not sure where I got the idea but I was laying in bed 2 days after trying to think of how I can keep him 'real' & I remember my friend makes silver jewelery from finger prints etc so gave her a call. She even came to the hospital to help do it....that's what I call a friend,no amount of flowers could ever thank her for doing it for me,it's the most previous thing I own. 

You should definitely look into sending the scanned copies to get them made into charms etc as its the exact print.

Helen- good luck again xxx let us know how you get on zx

WOW what a debate about the mc thing! At my work the policy is that you get maternity leave if your baby is stillborn after 24 weeks,it pisses me off that before 24 weeks you can still have a stillborn & will have the same physical & emotional experiences but you don't qualify. I know that a baby is viable after 24 weeks so that is why & i guess there has to be a cut off point,but birthing a baby at 19,20 etc weeks & not taking it home is in my opinion just as awful 

Xxxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

I lost Ava at 20 weeks ( I gave birth to her) and they called it Fetal Demise :cry::cry::cry::cry: To me she was a loss not a miscarriage . I always feel like if I kept her in for 4 or 5 more weeks she would have had a chance, I know that is silly :cry::cry::cry::cry:

I think a loss is a loss and I know it may not be the same for people under 12 weeks, but they still feel our pain it is the same. So I could never minimize anyones pain and say oh my loss was at 20 weeks yours at 8 so it isn't the same, i just couldn't do that. I know for me seeing Ava killed me. My SIL never saw her baby she didn't want to and she has come along better than me, she is fine now. But for me I had to see Ava and I had to feel her so she could know how much I love her. I will never regret holding her and burying her and going to see her so much. My SIL said to me I didn't want the drama of a burial :cry::cry::cry: I could not believe she said that to me, but that is her way she doesn't realize her words are hurtful and so inappropriate, she has always been like that so i don't get that upset over her comments. I just said I thank God everyday i have somewhere to go and talk to my daughter, then I ended it at that..

Just a long hard lonely road and it sucks when nobody understands ..
XOOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Just to update - scan today showed heartbeat and everything looked fine. Very relieved, although they did find a small fibroid (14mm) in wall of uterus, which has me a little concerned. They don't seem to think it's a problem though. Still, good news overall. :thumbup:


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Just to update - scan today showed heartbeat and everything looked fine. Very relieved, although they did find a small fibroid (14mm) in wall of uterus, which has me a little concerned. They don't seem to think it's a problem though. Still, good news overall. :thumbup:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
SOoooo happy to read this, Helen!!! Good news! What did they say about the fibroid? I would not worry over that , but did they say anything about it?

Wishing you all the best..XOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Just that it's there - I saw it on the scan. They are benign, but she said given the size of it it's nothing to be concerned about, she just has to report it. They will keep an eye on it. I decided to be silly and start reading about them and scared myself with stories of premature labour, but I think those cases are more severe and much larger than the one I have. It wasn't even found last time I had scans after losing Thomas, so it must be very recent, and it is tiny. I've been reading of women having them the size of baseballs, or grapefruits and still having healthy pregnancies, so I'm not really that worried. I would just rather not have known about it!


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Just that it's there - I saw it on the scan. They are benign, but she said given the size of it it's nothing to be concerned about, she just has to report it. They will keep an eye on it. I decided to be silly and start reading about them and scared myself with stories of premature labour, but I think those cases are more severe and much larger than the one I have. It wasn't even found last time I had scans after losing Thomas, so it must be very recent, and it is tiny. I've been reading of women having them the size of baseballs, or grapefruits and still having healthy pregnancies, so I'm not really that worried. I would just rather not have known about it!

Well that is good to hear. i would not worry over it either, I am sure you have enough emotions not to bother with something like this. I am so very happy for you and things will be wonderful for you. Thanks for updating, I love reading that everyones pregnancy is going well.. It gives me hope..XOOX:hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Hellylou said:


> Just to update - scan today showed heartbeat and everything looked fine. Very relieved, although they did find a small fibroid (14mm) in wall of uterus, which has me a little concerned. They don't seem to think it's a problem though. Still, good news overall. :thumbup:

Woop Woop - great news about lil heartbeat :cloud9:, if they are not worried about fibroid then you shouldnt. (I watched maternity ward on Really the other day and this woman had fibroids larger than the babys head! yukky! and she & baby were fine!)

Fab news xxxx


----------



## winterwonder

Hellylou said:


> Just to update - scan today showed heartbeat and everything looked fine. Very relieved, although they did find a small fibroid (14mm) in wall of uterus, which has me a little concerned. They don't seem to think it's a problem though. Still, good news overall. :thumbup:

Oh Yay! I'm so happy for you!


----------



## Hellylou

winterwonder said:


> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> Just to update - scan today showed heartbeat and everything looked fine. Very relieved, although they did find a small fibroid (14mm) in wall of uterus, which has me a little concerned. They don't seem to think it's a problem though. Still, good news overall. :thumbup:
> 
> Oh Yay! I'm so happy for you!Click to expand...

Thanks Christine. How are you doing, hun? :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Nikki_d72 said:


> Maybe something to do with imprints on the heart? I'm sure there's a poem something about that somewhere, it might be about footprints but you could adapt it - maybe there's a line you could use? I'm thinking there won't be much space on the back but a good hand-engraver can do amazing things.

Well I've searched for a poem....:cry:, I can seem to find anything fitting. All I want is to steal a line or two! Some of the poems just bring back too many emotions. I think I will just have it engraved with 'Lots of love....' or something.

I feel I have taken a few steps back today. I think because I've had a few relatively good days. This always happens when I have some good days, I end up having some real awful ones, its almost like a punishment for trying to move on!
I should be OVing today/tomorrow if my cycles are the same. I poas yesterday & today but nothing yet. I am now trying to convince myself that whats the point in waiting until next month. I feel like I just want to go for it this month as feel so shitty about everything that I hope if I was to get a BFP in a few weeks it might make life more bareable.
I cant imagine I'd fall pg anyway. I wanted to follow smep & dont have fertile cm (but that probably as I'm not OVing) but I would have thought it would have started to change ready for being fertile. Sorry TMI!
At the same time I then think about THE DRESS!:dohh:

What should I do, shall I leave nature to decide? x


----------



## kiki04

Helen!!! :dance: :dance: :dance: What a relief hun!!! :hugs: So happy for you...

Bride :hugs: :hugs: Follow your heart. If you dont want to wait then go for it and alter your dress. :hugs: If you choose to wait it isnt that far away either :hugs:


----------



## winterwonder

Hellylou said:


> winterwonder said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> Just to update - scan today showed heartbeat and everything looked fine. Very relieved, although they did find a small fibroid (14mm) in wall of uterus, which has me a little concerned. They don't seem to think it's a problem though. Still, good news overall. :thumbup:
> 
> Oh Yay! I'm so happy for you!Click to expand...
> 
> Thanks Christine. How are you doing, hun? :hugs:Click to expand...

I'm doing ok, just inpatient really to be pregnant again, but i want to definitely wait til end of march, so i can sort myself out physically and emotionally. I just feel like i've become obsessed with babies (one born every minute is not helping) and i feel like all i do is talk about babies with my oh and i'm sure its not what i need right now, so i'm just going to try and save my baby conversations for on here, i think!

I'm so glad you were able to have a scan of your lil bean, when are due?


----------



## winterwonder

bride2be - this website has some lovely poems on it https://grievingparents.com/Poems.html i especially like 

How quietly he
tiptoed into our world.
Softly, only a moment
he stayed
but what an imprint
his footprints have left
upon our hearts.
~Unknown

Its Bud due date tomorrow and i think i'll probably post that on facebook, i have a terrible need to make people realise that he would of been due now. We're also planning on going to the crematorium after dark and play with some sparklers in front of the garden where his ashes are spread, and if its not too windy hopefully release some chinese lanterns.


----------



## Bride2b

winterwonder said:


> How quietly he
> tiptoed into our world.
> Softly, only a moment
> he stayed
> but what an imprint
> his footprints have left
> upon our hearts.
> ~Unknown

Thats really lovely! I am going to look at the website now.

It sounds lovely what you have planned for Buds due date. Hope you feel ok tomorrow, so sending you a virtual :hugs: xx


----------



## feeble

I am trying to remember one 
*

No name, no face, no date of birth,
No hour of death, no plot of earth.
You never breathed, or kicked or cried
And yet for us, you lived and died


----------



## jojo23

feeble said:



> I am trying to remember one
> *
> 
> No name, no face, no date of birth,
> No hour of death, no plot of earth.
> You never breathed, or kicked or cried
> And yet for us, you lived and died

awe hun thats beautiful!!
i think my fav still has to be:

An Angel in the book of life wrote down our babies date of birth.Then whispered as she closed the book 'too beautiful for earth'

i always save all these little quotes and poems and when i read through them they kind of give me some peace!thanks for sharing this one!xxxx


----------



## jojo23

to all our angels who have a due date or birthday coming soon 


A Birthday In Heaven - by Kris Smith

I heard you crying yesterday,
And felt your heart-sent love.
So Im sending you this message
Now, from Heaven up above.

Youre wondering if Ill celebrate
My Birthday (way up here).
I know youre missing me today
I feel your essence near.

God planned a special day for me,
He told me with a wink.
Hed ordered me a special cake
(Its Angel food, I think).

Balloons will fill the streets for me,
They float up through the clouds.
And we have lots of friends up here
That make us laugh out loud.

There is a Birthday carousel,
Jewelled horses ride the wind,
With music playing, oh so sweet
The magic never ends.

Ive made so many friends, you see
We laugh and play and sing.
We ride our bikes and play jump rope
And sleep in Angels wings.

Well have our cake and ice cream
And open gifts - SURPRISE!
But we dont blow out our candles here
Instead, they light the skies.


----------



## jojo23

I also have this one Lilys headstone:

A beautiful flower, lent not given. to bud on earth but bloom in heaven!

Hope you find something lovely Bride!


----------



## OliveBay

Helen I am so relieved and pleased for you, it must have been such a weight off your shoulders to see that little heartbeat today. I'm so happy your lil rainbow is still safe in there. I did check here on my phone earlier as I had to know how you'd got on, but I've had such a hectic day at work today that I didn't get chance to write you a message then. How many weeks did they date you as? 


Gemma, I know that it is sooooo hard to wait and not to try getting pregnant when you want it so bad, but whatever you decide and whatever ends up happening this month, I'm sure you'll be fine :hugs:


----------



## OliveBay

Oh, I've just seen your ticker Helen, ignore my question about how many weeks you are! :dohh:


----------



## Hellylou

OliveBay said:


> Oh, I've just seen your ticker Helen, ignore my question about how many weeks you are! :dohh:

Well, they said somewhere between 5-6 weeks but it's so dinky it's very hard to tell. Dating scan should be able to give definitive further down the line. Last time I had an early scan at 6 and a half weeks with Thomas they said I was 5+5, so I put back my 12 week scan based on that, only to have it and find I was 13 weeks - exactly where I thought I was. I think at this stage it's impossible to tell. I do know when my lmp was (10th Dec) and I also know when I conceived (21st Dec being BD day but when it all happened could have taken a few days?), so I think my ticker is right.

This had better be the last of the scares. I was trying so hard to be detached and not get my heart broken but when she smiled at the screen and then showed me, I just burst into tears.


----------



## kiki04

Helen I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy that everything is alright. I was holding out hope and this is the best possible outcome ever :cloud9:


----------



## OliveBay

Hellylou said:


> This had better be the last of the scares. I was trying so hard to be detached and not get my heart broken but when she smiled at the screen and then showed me, I just burst into tears.

I certainly hope its the last of the scares too. There are bound to be ups and downs - its totally natural and only to be expected - but I know you'll get through it. Try to enjoy it as much as you can :hugs:


----------



## jojo23

yay helen xxxx


----------



## blav

Ok ladies...let's see how crazy I'm being this month.

Alright, so I'm pretty sure I o'd early this month (probably the 12th or 13th). OH and I BD the 14th and 15th so I was thinking that we would be out this month. However, today I've had some sharpish pains in the bottom right near my pelvis. Could this be implantation pain? It was almost pulsing (would hurt for a few seconds and then stop). Not severe pain though. Also, this morning I had a dip on my BBT chart. Am I nuts or am I in the TTW?????


----------



## Bride2b

Britney - keep temping, I've looked at loads of BFP charts, the temp should stay high (but it does fluctuate on the lead up too). I've been charting so keeping a keen eye on what to expect with a BFP chart (not that I'm in that stage yet, but want to be fully aware) Will keep my fingers crossed xx

Helen - so sweet reading you cried at the HB...I'm not surprised x its so lovely xxxx

Sally & Krissy, my head says no, but my heart says yes. Say if this is my month & that if I dont go for it this month it might not be my month again for months (lots of months there!) It took 10 months last time, I just cant wait that long! Reading some of the other forums people tend to get pg soon after mc/losses & I dont want to lose my window of opportunity. I feel so torn (because of the dress - I chose it when preggers with Bertie & feel he helped me choose it, as its the only dress I really fell in love with & had to get a move on with choosing as I needed to get measured before I got too pregnant). It wouldnt feel right not being able to wear that dress because of that fact. I just dunno!!!!x


----------



## blav

I know that it is supposed to stay high but I just read a bunch of stuff on implantation dips...so confusing!


----------



## Kelly9

Congrats on the HB. I think I'd have reacted the same as you. 

So I had a scan today from a scare I had with a very large clot that looked like tissue and well they couldn't tell at the scan if there was tissue left because they found something else, I have an Arteriovenous Fistula which means if I ever had a D&C it would either kill me from bleeding out or I'd need an emergency hysterectomy to stop the bleeding. I was at my breaking point today I just couldn't handle anymore bad news but in the end despite having this fistula my fertility doc doesn't think I need surgery on it (just yet) to correct it and says that I should be able to go on as planned with the FET but I'm being closely monitored before, after and during. I guess it's small enough that unless I start to bleed heavily I can avoid the surgery and I know you ladies don't know much about my story but the fetal surgery that was performed on my precious Hannah, would essentially be what I'd need done to this vessel. I was a wreck hearing this. The only thought that would go through my head all day was "will I ever have another baby" I almost went off the deep end.


----------



## Bride2b

Ah Kelly you poor thing you are really goinv through it. I dont know much about those things. I'm sure the doctors will do what they need to & it sounds like your fertility doc is happy for you to try again which is good. It must be scared but positive vibes are coming your way xxxx

Britney temping is confusing....it's only my first month doing it so need to learn more,I'm sure there are others here that know more,how many DPO are you now?xx

My temp is still around the same as it has been so don't think ov is gonna happen yet x


----------



## feeble

Morning Ladies :) my luck seems to be changing, we have just been offered a 3 bed council house in a local village! its lovely :)


----------



## Andypanda6570

blav said:


> Ok ladies...let's see how crazy I'm being this month.
> 
> Alright, so I'm pretty sure I o'd early this month (probably the 12th or 13th). OH and I BD the 14th and 15th so I was thinking that we would be out this month. However, today I've had some sharpish pains in the bottom right near my pelvis. Could this be implantation pain? It was almost pulsing (would hurt for a few seconds and then stop). Not severe pain though. Also, this morning I had a dip on my BBT chart. Am I nuts or am I in the TTW?????

Your not out yet!! It could still happen. With all 3 of my boys I got pregnant the day before ovulation and the day after . With Ava I got pregnant by accident, but I know with her it was 3 days before I ovulated/ So yes we do have hope for you :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: You are not nuts. Good Luck and fingers crossed for you XOXOXOOX :hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kiki04

Bride2b said:


> Ah Kelly you poor thing you are really goinv through it. I dont know much about those things. I'm sure the doctors will do what they need to & it sounds like your fertility doc is happy for you to try again which is good. It must be scared but positive vibes are coming your way xxxx
> 
> Britney temping is confusing....it's only my first month doing it so need to learn more,I'm sure there are others here that know more,how many DPO are you now?xx
> 
> My temp is still around the same as it has been so don't think ov is gonna happen yet x

I have been temping for years so if you have any questions feel free to ask!! :happydance:


----------



## blav

kiki04 said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Ah Kelly you poor thing you are really goinv through it. I dont know much about those things. I'm sure the doctors will do what they need to & it sounds like your fertility doc is happy for you to try again which is good. It must be scared but positive vibes are coming your way xxxx
> 
> Britney temping is confusing....it's only my first month doing it so need to learn more,I'm sure there are others here that know more,how many DPO are you now?xx
> 
> My temp is still around the same as it has been so don't think ov is gonna happen yet x
> 
> I have been temping for years so if you have any questions feel free to ask!! :happydance:Click to expand...

Do you know anything about this so-called implantation dip? :dohh::dohh::dohh:


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## kiki04

Absolutely! Alot of women will see an implantation dip anywhere from 3-4 dpo to 8-9 dpo. One of my coworkers had it on her chart, with spotting on the same day as the dip. I told her then that she was pg... she didnt believe me and low and behold she is now 18 weeks pg with a girl. :haha:


----------



## blav

Well, I'm keeping my fingers crossed! I'm trying not to symptom spot, but it's impossible!

I think i could be about 8-9 DPO today. Yesterday I had the dip, and also pain in the lower right side of my abdomen (near pelvis). Would almost pulse for a couple seconds then go away. Today I've had some cramps tonight (way too early for AF and worse than I usually have for AF, also seemed like maybe pressure) and I've had back pain all week (could be unrelated). Took an OPK this morning and got the darkest line I've seen all cycle (wasn't a positive OPK though, still lighter than the control line). Cervical mucous has been quite creamy looking (OH claims it looks like it did when I was pg last time but how can he be sure?).

Someone give me a chill pill!!!!!


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## kiki04

Well I have a need to POAS and I am on cd4 or something :rofl: I might POA OPK for now :haha:


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## Nikki_d72

Helen, so bloody glad to hear that everything's OK!! I've been away the weekend so this is the first I've been online and I was dying to get in and check on you. Phew! I'm not surprised you cried hon, what a relief! I think you'd built yourself up to expect the worst, hadn't you? So so happy for you. I wouldn't worry about the fibroid either, they are very common and if it's tiny too and only just formed it should be fine. I think they only need to be noted so if you needed an emergency c/Section then they know where it is and don't go through it. 

Bride, it's a hard one for you to decide, I don't really want to influence you either way! You do whatever you think is right. I know the decision for me to TTC was hard without thinking about fitting into a dress, I changed my mind every day for a good while!

As for me, well we had a lovely weekend away in the funniest wee cabin I've ever seen - it was like an "A" frame with wings! Too funny. It was in native bush in a tiny wee township northwest of here. It was really nice to have a wee break and we did lots of wee nature walks etc and saw lots of cool birds and beasts and waterfalls. Good for the soul and loooong overdue! There wasn't even any phone reception, it was great!

Prior to that however, I went and saw my neighbour who has just had her wee baby boy and took them some food etc. I got myself all stressed thinking about it and cried half the morning then when I went I was fine! I'm so proud of myself - she handed him to me and I just looked at him and breathed him in and actually loved it. She went out of the room and a wee tear snuck out but then I was fine again. I rocked him to sleep and I was in heaven. Aftyer all my moaning about her I felt really bad, she was lovely, genuinely pleased to see me I think and asked me if it was really sad for me and I said "yes and no, how could you be sad seeing a lovely wee man like that?" Yes it reminds me of what I've lost, but it just felt lovely holding him, I don't know, I think I've turned a corner - really seeing her pregnant bothered me more than seeing her with her wee man, I've no idea why and I'm not going to analyse it, I'll just take it! 

I know I wouldn't have felt this a couple of months ago and I know we all heal at different rates, so I hope this doesn't upset anyone else, I would never judge anybody who can't be near newborns or feels the horror jealousy that we all have felt. I think often though that the buildup to being around a baby may be way worse than actually doing it and holding him washed all the horrid feelings away and filled me with hope, who knows why? Anyway, I'm so glad I did it before we went away, it meant I could fully relax. My midwife came in while I was there too (we had the same one, she had reccomended her to me whan I was pregnant with the boys) and I think she was really glad to see me holding him, she'd been asking about me. It also solved a bit of a puzzle I've been mulling over in my head a lot recently about which Midwife I would go with if I ever get pregnant again. I felt relaxed in her company and I'll be under shared care with my OB as well for anything technical so I think I would go with her again, I think feeling relaxed is half the battle. I realise I'm very lucky to be able to pick my own one anyway and it gets funded for me. 

I hope everyone else is well, sorry that turned into such an essay, I'm just so happy with my self, it's like having an epiphany, hehe!

xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

P.S. Goodluck Blav and Krissy!
xx


----------



## Kelly9

With my son I had a dip at 8dpo or maybe 7dpo I can't remember if the increase in temp was on 8dpo. Anyway there is a book I bought that made me a temping pro in no time it's called taking charge of your fertility by toni weschler. I highly recommend it. I'll be temping again once af returns. I've already gone on my FF account and marked in the first day of bleeding from the delivery. It was hard to do. 

I am eager to be pg again but not so eager to temp and use opks etc, I didn't think I'd have to for a long time to come.


----------



## yazoo

I see we have a few newcomers. I am so sorry for your loss. My name is Tanya & I lost my little boy Jakob at 22 weeks after going into premature labour. I don't be around here as much anymore (I had a serious addiction before now lol). I hope you get as much support here as I do. 

Just wanted to let you girls know that I got the results of the blood I was waiting for. I have Antiphospholipid syndrome which is a blood clotting disorder. It is a very serious condition to have & the chances of having a baby full term without treatment is less then 10%. My poor wee man didn't stand a chance. I didn't get much info from the doctor as she was incompetent and failed to answer any question I asked her. she simply referred me to a haematologist. I can't shake the feeling that I will never have another baby. This is such a risky disorder to have in pregnancy & I feel that it just won't happen for me. I know there is treatment for it (heparin injections) but because I have googled I have read stories about the injections not working for some women. I should stay away from google. 

Britney- I hope you get a bfp hun. How are all you girls doing? xxxx


----------



## OliveBay

yazoo said:


> Just wanted to let you girls know that I got the results of the blood I was waiting for. I have Antiphospholipid syndrome which is a blood clotting disorder. It is a very serious condition to have & the chances of having a baby full term without treatment is less then 10%. My poor wee man didn't stand a chance. I didn't get much info from the doctor as she was incompetent and failed to answer any question I asked her. she simply referred me to a haematologist. I can't shake the feeling that I will never have another baby. This is such a risky disorder to have in pregnancy & I feel that it just won't happen for me. I know there is treatment for it (heparin injections) but because I have googled I have read stories about the injections not working for some women. I should stay away from google.

Sorry you got this result Tanya. I hope the haematologist gives you some better information. Its a bit crap that they dumped the result on you and then didn't help much after that :growlmad:
This has reminded me that I need to chase up my blood clotting result - had blood taken for this in November and haven't heard back yet. Maybe I'll give the hospital a ring this week. Did you have any signs or idea you had this before you had the test? They said to me they were just doing this test to rule it out, but you always have a sneaky suspicions they know more than they're letting on when they say things like that (os am I just paranoid?!)


Britney, those signs sound pretty positive to me. Are you going to test soon or do you have the patience (unlike me) to wait til AF is due? I'm 9-10 dpo now, so almost the same as you I think. I have poas twice already over the last 2 days (I know its too early but I can't help it! :blush:) but BFN so far. I'm not giving up yet....


----------



## Bride2b

Ohhh ladies lots going on & not been able to get on and read & reply!

Britney - I am getting exited, I am keeping everything crossed!!!! I so hope this is the start of your rainbow....I am about the get too excited so shall move on :thumbup:

Nikki I am glad you had a lovely little break away, it sounds gorgeous & just what you needed. Even better news is that you have been so amazing with your neighbour & I am so pleased that you got to hold her little man & that you were super dooper ok with it (a little tear is aloud). I'm so proud that you have turned a corner & feel like you are getting back on track :cloud9:

Krissy - Thanks for the info on implatation dip - I shall remember that. I am sure I will have loads of questions about temping.

Kelly - I am going to google that book. I am definately in the market for taking control of my fertility! (Am going to start Evening primrose - for fertile cm, taking pregnacare & getting reflexology this week!)

Tanya, I'm sorry to hear about the results, I remember you talking about these a few weeks ago. Its even worse that they didnt manage to give you answers. That is just bull shit!! Hopefully the haematologist (sorry cant spell it!!) will be able to give you more info. I know I always google everything, but Dr Google can sometimes do more harm than good. Stay positive as the medical profession can do wonderful things & there is still a chance that you can have a baby. Dont give up yet hun xxxx

Sally - good luck with the poas! 

Andrea - doing the dirty :xmas13:

AFM - temp still around what it was, I had a VERY faint line on the OPK yesterday am, but then it was completely white in the evening - whats that all about. Been poas twice a day for the last 3 days. Still no OV! I have been checking cm too & that doesnt seem to be changing much. It seems to change throughout the day - is this normal. But yet to have anything resembling egg white. I hope my cycles are not out of whack, I should really be OVing today (yesterday or tomorrow) based on cycles before my pregnancy. I just want to know what my body is doing so I know that in 2 weeks I'll have AF again & that is the cycle I can start trying. I am not trying this month I have decided (I hope I dont change my mind again once that OPK shows OV!). All I think about all day long is how much I want to be pregnant I am obsessed to the point where I actually think its unhealthy!

Lastly :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Aw Tanya, try to stay positive, I know it's so hard but you had a DD already so you were one of the 10% already with no clue you had his and no treatment. Or does this thing suddenly develop? Have a look on the Gestational complications board, I'm sure there are threads there about clotting disorders, you may see some ladies there who are being treated successfully and having their babies. I'm sure you will get your rainbow, heparin normally works well. (I had a few injections of it in hospital because they were worried about me being on bed rest and carrying twins and not moving, I was high risk for DVT - I just wanted to add that they aren't too sore, I know that's the last thing on your mind, but wanted to add that) I'm sorry again you had a rubbish appointment, I know what a build up there is to them too, they are so long-awaited. I would ask to see someone else - there must be someone taking on your Ob's caseload while she's away on mat leave, surely? Maybe a few questions to the secretary might give you the name and let you make an appt? GL xxx


----------



## yazoo

Sally, I had no clue that I had it. Even when they done the tests they had said it was doubtful that I had it as I had no history of bleeding. I have been reading alot about it and I definitely have had alot of the symptoms associated with it eg. headaches, blurred vision, patchy skin. I hope you get a BFP this month. :hugs::hugs:

Thank you Gemma. :hugs::hugs:

Nikki when I spoke to my consultant last time she said that people are either born with it or acquire it over time so because I had no complications with DD and she was a big 8lb 6 oz baby (It affects the growth of babies) then I have acquired it overtime. I have had a look at the thread of GC but although there are alot of success stories it is the stories of people who continue to have losses despite having treatment that sticks in my head so I think its better if I just stay away from them. My consultant did say that the chances increase dramatically (around 80%) with treatment so I really have to hold on to that but its hard. 

Thanks for letting me know they are not sore. I have read loads about them being really painful but I would put up with that if it meant I got a take home baby. My ob has a team working with her & on the day of the appointment there were other doctors from her team who I dealt with during my pregnancy with Jakob & I would have been happy to have seen them. (One of them actually delivered Jakob)- Its just luck of the draw I guess. I will definitely ring the secretary the next time though and ask if I could be seen by one of them as opposed to the one I saw.


----------



## Andypanda6570

Bride2b said:


> Ohhh ladies lots going on & not been able to get on and read & reply!
> 
> Britney - I am getting exited, I am keeping everything crossed!!!! I so hope this is the start of your rainbow....I am about the get too excited so shall move on :thumbup:
> 
> Nikki I am glad you had a lovely little break away, it sounds gorgeous & just what you needed. Even better news is that you have been so amazing with your neighbour & I am so pleased that you got to hold her little man & that you were super dooper ok with it (a little tear is aloud). I'm so proud that you have turned a corner & feel like you are getting back on track :cloud9:
> 
> Krissy - Thanks for the info on implatation dip - I shall remember that. I am sure I will have loads of questions about temping.
> 
> Kelly - I am going to google that book. I am definately in the market for taking control of my fertility! (Am going to start Evening primrose - for fertile cm, taking pregnacare & getting reflexology this week!)
> 
> Tanya, I'm sorry to hear about the results, I remember you talking about these a few weeks ago. Its even worse that they didnt manage to give you answers. That is just bull shit!! Hopefully the haematologist (sorry cant spell it!!) will be able to give you more info. I know I always google everything, but Dr Google can sometimes do more harm than good. Stay positive as the medical profession can do wonderful things & there is still a chance that you can have a baby. Dont give up yet hun xxxx
> 
> Sally - good luck with the poas!
> 
> Andrea - doing the dirty :xmas13:
> 
> AFM - temp still around what it was, I had a VERY faint line on the OPK yesterday am, but then it was completely white in the evening - whats that all about. Been poas twice a day for the last 3 days. Still no OV! I have been checking cm too & that doesnt seem to be changing much. It seems to change throughout the day - is this normal. But yet to have anything resembling egg white. I hope my cycles are not out of whack, I should really be OVing today (yesterday or tomorrow) based on cycles before my pregnancy. I just want to know what my body is doing so I know that in 2 weeks I'll have AF again & that is the cycle I can start trying. I am not trying this month I have decided (I hope I dont change my mind again once that OPK shows OV!). All I think about all day long is how much I want to be pregnant I am obsessed to the point where I actually think its unhealthy!
> 
> Lastly :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:

LOL..I can't believe I thought that... Can I ask another question here> What is POAS :wacko::wacko::wacko: Did I spell that right? XOXOXO :kiss::hugs:




yazoo said:


> I see we have a few newcomers. I am so sorry for your loss. My name is Tanya & I lost my little boy Jakob at 22 weeks after going into premature labour. I don't be around here as much anymore (I had a serious addiction before now lol). I hope you get as much support here as I do.
> 
> Just wanted to let you girls know that I got the results of the blood I was waiting for. I have Antiphospholipid syndrome which is a blood clotting disorder. It is a very serious condition to have & the chances of having a baby full term without treatment is less then 10%. My poor wee man didn't stand a chance. I didn't get much info from the doctor as she was incompetent and failed to answer any question I asked her. she simply referred me to a haematologist. I can't shake the feeling that I will never have another baby. This is such a risky disorder to have in pregnancy & I feel that it just won't happen for me. I know there is treatment for it (heparin injections) but because I have googled I have read stories about the injections not working for some women. I should stay away from google.
> 
> Britney- I hope you get a bfp hun. How are all you girls doing? xxxx

Tanya,
Don't ever give up hope :hugs::hugs::hugs: I don't know anything about this but I do know there is always hope and you deserve this so I know one way or another it will happen for you. Try to stay positive.. ALl My Love XOOXOX
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## OliveBay

poas = peeing on a stick ie doing a pregnancy test (or opk i guess). This language is a bit tricky to get used to, but saves so much typing time!


----------



## Andypanda6570

OliveBay said:


> poas = peeing on a stick ie doing a pregnancy test (or opk i guess). This language is a bit tricky to get used to, but saves so much typing time!

I am all over the place with this friggin short terms to words :wacko::wacko:
They do have a thread up above the forum with all the meanings to the words, I should get my ass to studying them..
Thanks :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Kelly9

Tanya sorry to hear about the diagnosis, I will have issues with bleeding for future pregnancies due to the fistula in side my uterus. I am hoping to have twins next so that I get my three babies without risking loosing my uterus after the next delivery. I really hope there is something that can be done for you.


----------



## kiki04

I aced my first two assignments in my class tonight ladies!! :happydance: 9.5/10 on one and 15/15 on the other!!! Totally couldnt have done it without the help of a friend but together we aced them!!! :dance:


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## Nikki_d72

Aw sorry Tanya, I should have gone there to read them before I sent you there - didn't realise there were tales of losses there too. You will have to try to hold onto that 80% chance, I know it must be hard though. I hope you get your BFP soon!


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## Nikki_d72

Krissy well done you! I don't know how you can concentrate enough to study - my brain is utter mush still!


----------



## kiki04

I have to keep busy! I was back to work one week later and after 2 weeks was back to working both my jobs! Fulltime mon-fri and part time evenings. I just stopped my part time job at the end of december so I can start school in january. Now I am working fulltime and taking 2 college courses... one in class and the other at home through internet. There are times I find it hard to concentrate but for the most part... I dont have much downtime... :wacko:


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## Nikki_d72

Wow! You're some woman!


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## kiki04

No not really... I just need to have stuff to keep me busy or I lose my mind. However, I am soooooo looking forward to June when I am done school and wont be working my part time... it will be go to work, come home and relax. I am not sure what I will do with myself :rofl:


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## blav

Continued with my POAS obsession today...neg preg test and neg OPK (test line was the darkest I've seen it but not a pos). Not giving up yet though...still having back pain and very increased CF. I've been symptom spotting non-stop, it's ridiculous. OH is so sweet and listens to everything I say and all my craziness and doesn't even seem to mind! Thank you for all the well wishes, I really hope this is it!!!

Tanya-I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but now that you know, the chances seem better that you will be able to have a safe pregnancy. Try to stay positive even thought it is difficult, and when you just can't be positive yourself, we will be here for you :hugs:

Krissy-way to go on the assignments and good for you for staying busy...I need some of your motivation!


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## OliveBay

Andrea, there is a thread with all the abbreviations on, i think its in or near the intros section at the top of the list of sections, if that makes sense! I wouldn't have known what all these things mean if i hadn't looked there when i first joined.

Britney, keep us the poas work. Hope it all becomes clear soon.

As for me, i'm 10-11 dpo now and poas with ic just now (fmu) have got the faintest line but i'm sure its there. Wasn't there by 3 mins but defo there under 10. Am trying not to get excited yet after my chemical last month as af isn't due for another few days, so just staying cautiously optimistic.

x


----------



## blav

OliveBay said:


> Andrea, there is a thread with all the abbreviations on, i think its in or near the intros section at the top of the list of sections, if that makes sense! I wouldn't have known what all these things mean if i hadn't looked there when i first joined.
> 
> Britney, keep us the poas work. Hope it all becomes clear soon.
> 
> As for me, i'm 10-11 dpo now and poas with ic just now (fmu) have got the faintest line but i'm sure its there. Wasn't there by 3 mins but defo there under 10. Am trying not to get excited yet after my chemical last month as af isn't due for another few days, so just staying cautiously optimistic.
> 
> x

Yay! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!


----------



## Nikki_d72

blav said:


> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> Andrea, there is a thread with all the abbreviations on, i think its in or near the intros section at the top of the list of sections, if that makes sense! I wouldn't have known what all these things mean if i hadn't looked there when i first joined.
> 
> Britney, keep us the poas work. Hope it all becomes clear soon.
> 
> As for me, i'm 10-11 dpo now and poas with ic just now (fmu) have got the faintest line but i'm sure its there. Wasn't there by 3 mins but defo there under 10. Am trying not to get excited yet after my chemical last month as af isn't due for another few days, so just staying cautiously optimistic.
> 
> x
> 
> Yay! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!Click to expand...

Me too!! xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Fingers crossed Sally!!!


----------



## Bride2b

Fingers crossed Sally & Britney xxx And Andrea too - I know your not quite at the testing stage yet but still FX xxx

I did say last week I can sense more BFP soon, I just hope I am right! 

Tanya - 80% is a pretty good stat. I know its the other 20% that you will naturally worry about - everyone would. I guess its a decision that you have to make. Do I want to take home my baby and hope I am in the 80% & be fully aware that there could be more heartbreak. If it was me I would want to try, I'm not sure how I'd cope knowing that something might go wrong - as thats the bit I would focus on, but I think I'd take the risk to get my baby.

Krissy, well done! Wow you are a busy lady!xx

Kelly9 - I just ordered the book :happydance:

AFM temps gone up a little bit today, not loads but a bit. CM still not looking like it should (well what I have read it should). I never got the whole cm thing last time. I am trying to learn more about my body so I know what I'm doing next month. Will do some opks today again - been doing them twice a day for last few days. (Didnt get chance to do one last night tho!) I hope I OV soon so I know what my body is doing. Going to get EPO today. Does anyone know if I should take it everyday until my OV next month? I read you should take it from CD1 up to OV. But seeing as I am not TTC this month, can I just take it everyday?


----------



## OliveBay

Thanks ladies. I did a second test with SMU just to check and the line was very definitely there. Pale but there for sure. Now i really need this to stick- please send sticky vibes my way!


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## Bride2b

OliveBay said:


> Thanks ladies. I did a second test with SMU just to check and the line was very definitely there. Pale but there for sure. Now i really need this to stick- please send sticky vibes my way!

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

OMG SALLY!!!! I just read this then had to re read it again! Jesus woman! I'm so pleased for you. 

I hope this is the one Sally, its got to be! I think its true about being more fertile! Are you gonna do a digi to you can see those magic little words?xxxxx:kiss:


----------



## jojo23

Oh Sally im so excited!!!!! im thinking of you and sending you lots of sticky wishes xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

Sending many positive thoughts, Sally!!! :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I get way to excited when people get BFP or almost BFP :happydance:


----------



## Bride2b

I want some TTC tips from you Sally!x


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## OliveBay

Going to try to wait a little longer to do a digi. Have got some in already but am storing them away from the bathroom so they're out of temptation's way! Just feel like i shouldn't rush it. Am trying so hard not to get my hopes up too much.
I must have been super-fertile this month! Think i deserve some good luck after all the crap over the last few months


----------



## jojo23

you definitely do hun!!! im so so happy for you :hugs: :hugs: xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Hellylou

Oh Sally how exciting!! I am keeping everything crossed for you here :hugs: Hoping that line gets darker - stick little bean, stick! When would AF be due for you?


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## kiki04

OMG SALLY!!! Best news ever to wake up to :cloud9: Congrats hun!!! :hugs:


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## Bride2b

I just went for lunch with a friend & we were discussing another friends whose little girl turned 2 this weekend. I said I thought this friend would have had another by now - or would be at least trying. My lunch friend said yes other friend is trying & has been since september but hasnt had any luck yet. I said oh september isnt that long to be trying as its only January. She said "well I think she said if it doesnt happen soon then she is going to go down the line of ovulation kits" My friend seemed to think that its obsessive using ovlation kits as it seems to prescribed. I didnt have the balls to tell her I am an obsessive compulsive ovulation test/CBFM/Preseed/temping/soy etc freak.....I think she would think I'm NUTS!! ha ha. Its funny getting other peoples views on TTC! She said that this other friend thinks she had a mc last year - she took a test but was -ve & had a super weird AF after & she went on about how having a mc was the worse thing ever to experience & she knew what it was like. Needless to say lunch friend was a bit like "what the F does she know!!!" Afterall she never even got a BFP but just assumed she had mc because of her AF.
Anyway lunch friend said that she was lucky with both her kids and conceived within 4-5 weeks of deciding and starting to try. Ok this is amazing for her but I'm so incredibly jealous! How can some people just fall pregnant at the drop of a hat?!

Anyway thought I'd share with you all that in the 'real world' apparantly people dont take ovulation tests so were are all officially CRAZY!:happydance:


----------



## SLCMommy

Can I please join? I lost my baby 14w6d approx :( I had a D&E on Friday, lost over 1.5 liters of blood on the OR table, ended up being admitted into the hospital and needing 5 blood transfusions. This whole thing and left me traumatized.


----------



## dnlfinker

SLCMommy said:


> Can I please join? I lost my baby 14w6d approx :( I had a D&E on Friday, lost over 1.5 liters of blood on the OR table, ended up being admitted into the hospital and needing 5 blood transfusions. This whole thing and left me traumatized.

 I am am sorry about your loss! We always welcome new comers here , but 
with deep regret for their loss. I too had D and E back in July when I lost my little girl Emmunah due to some serious birth defects. Again I am very sorry to welcome you here , and I got to say that people here are very very nice.

I am Natalie by the way or you can just call me Nat


----------



## MummyStobe

SLC I'm so sorry to read about your loss. You are more than welcome to join us here. All the ladies are amazing, they've really helped me through the past few months. I hope you find comfort and support here like I have.

Sending big hugs your way.
Fly high little angel xxx


----------



## blav

I'm so CONFUSED!

FRER-Neg (not even a hint of a line)
BBT-97.23 (highest it's been all cycle)
OPK-Essentially positive (lines basically the same shade)
CM-Still creamy but much less than the last few days

Ideas? Because I'm going crazy over here.


----------



## collie_crazy

Welcome SLC as the others have already said newcomers are more than welcomed into our little group (that no one really ever wants to join :cry:) I'm so sorry for your loss hun. Have you decided to name your baby? :hugs: 

Sally!!!!! I am so excited for you. You so so so deserve this! You should post pics for us to peer at. 

Bride (gemma right?) I have a crazy POAS addiction so your friend would think I was bonkers LOL I still get the urge to POAS at 15 weeks!!


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## Bride2b

SLC welcome hun, we are here to lend a friendly ear & be of support in this awful time. Sounds like you have had a rough ride physically so that will take a while to heal before you even begin to deal with whats happened emotionally. I'm glad that you found us after your loss as its so supportive here xxx


----------



## winterwonder

SLC - I'm so sorry for your loss, you are more than welcome here though, everyone is very understanding :hugs: xxx

Sally - Oh My God!!!:happydance: i am sooo excited for you!!!!!!!! i hope it sticks!

Afm - not very well at the mo, got the lurgy, Buds due date was ok, we managed to light a sparkler for him at the crematorium and we sung to him aswell. I'm trying to get stuck into life at the mo and get myself to the end of march without obsessing too much on babies so i'll probably only visit here every now and then until i can ttc then i'll be back here full force!

hope everyone else is doing well and lots of :dust: to those that are trying! xx

Christine xx


----------



## Bride2b

collie_crazy said:


> Bride (gemma right?) I have a crazy POAS addiction so your friend would think I was bonkers LOL I still get the urge to POAS at 15 weeks!!

Yes your right, I honestly thought that most people did the whole poas thing! She seemed to think it was an alien idea that in order to get pg people actually have to resort to this! Some people dont know how lucky they are! Do you know I can for the life of me remember your name!!!! Have such a shocking memory since I fell preggers with Bertie, I thought it might have come back!!


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## kiki04

SLC- I am so sorry :cry: Breaks my heart everytime someone new joins us but I am happy that you found us :hugs: I lost my daughter at 16 weeks 6 days. Her heart stopped beating about a week before :( Anytime you need anything, we are here :hugs:

And Britney- (I hope thats right!) Dont use an OPK as an HPT lady! Are you using FF to chart? If so I am a huge chart stalker... can I take a peeksie? :lol:


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## blav

kiki04 said:


> And Britney- (I hope thats right!) Dont use an OPK as an HPT lady! Are you using FF to chart? If so I am a huge chart stalker... can I take a peeksie? :lol:

I wasn't intentionally using and OPK as an HPT but since I couldn't tell for sure when/if I ovulated I was going to continue the OPK until AF showed in case I o'd late. And now that I'm potentially 10 DPO I wanted to take the pg test so I used both :dohh:

I use countdowntopregnancy.com for my bbt https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/my-account/bbt_chart.php?cycleid=85698 I doubt you will be able to see that but you can try


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## blav

Maybe this will work?
 



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## Bride2b

Ohhh errr Britney, I'm excited to see what Krissy says......I'm a new charter so this is fascinating to me. What do'y reckon then Krissy? I'm keeping everything crossed xxxx


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## blav

Bride2b said:


> Ohhh errr Britney, I'm excited to see what Krissy says......I'm a new charter so this is fascinating to me. What do'y reckon then Krissy? I'm keeping everything crossed xxxx

Me too! This is my first month charting so (unfortunately) I have no idea what is normal :dohh: 

And Gemma, as far as your friend, I guess I never considered all of this POAS stuff until after my loss. I mean, we weren't really planning and got pregnant so it wasn't a big deal. Now that we're actively trying, we want to do everything we can. We used Pre-Seed this month as well. So OPK, Pre-seed, BBT, checking CF, and now HPT...I think we're normal :winkwink:


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## Bride2b

See I started getting pissed off with TTC last year after about 4 /5 months so started doing a bit of research which is what led me to buy CB digi OV sticks (expensive!) and then switched to the CBFM to 'track' what was going on. Then I just started doing other stuff as the time went by. I used soy for 2-3 months (cant remember now) then stopped as your not supposed to use it every cycle. The cycle I stopped using everything I fell pg, I was convinced its because I chilled out. I'm not sure why I fell pg - I guess if I hadnt have used CBFM I really wouldnt have known about when I OV.

I am so desperate to be pg I think about it every waking moment - which isnt good. Until I can start trying again I think its all I can do to pass the time. Its so frustrating. I still havent OV'd yet & its CD 17. With CBFM I would get a peak between 16-18. So I guess actually now writing this I shouldnt get pissed off. Its hard with those ICs as its either a yes or no answer. At least with CBFM you can see the OV building. Gutted I sold it now!!!
I brought evening primrose oil to day so will start that on CD1.

I honestly dont know how I will cope if next month I get BFN - does anyone else feel like this? Am I baby obsessed freak? :blush:

I hope its your turn Britney xxx


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## KamIAm

Hi Ladies!!!! 

Just popped back on here to check on everyone... Lots going on, I read back a few pages but whewww! No where near caught up LOL!!! 

I hope everyone is doing well :hugs:

Miss you all and you will be seeing more of me :winkwink:


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## dnlfinker

Bride2b said:


> See I started getting pissed off with TTC last year after about 4 /5 months so started doing a bit of research which is what led me to buy CB digi OV sticks (expensive!) and then switched to the CBFM to 'track' what was going on. Then I just started doing other stuff as the time went by. I used soy for 2-3 months (cant remember now) then stopped as your not supposed to use it every cycle. The cycle I stopped using everything I fell pg, I was convinced its because I chilled out. I'm not sure why I fell pg - I guess if I hadnt have used CBFM I really wouldnt have known about when I OV.
> 
> I am so desperate to be pg I think about it every waking moment - which isnt good. Until I can start trying again I think its all I can do to pass the time. Its so frustrating. I still havent OV'd yet & its CD 17. With CBFM I would get a peak between 16-18. So I guess actually now writing this I shouldnt get pissed off. Its hard with those ICs as its either a yes or no answer. At least with CBFM you can see the OV building. Gutted I sold it now!!!
> I brought evening primrose oil to day so will start that on CD1.
> 
> I honestly dont know how I will cope if next month I get BFN - does anyone else feel like this? Am I baby obsessed freak? :blush:
> 
> I hope its your turn Britney xxx

OMG OMG , I thought that I went crazy at the begin of this month , I was obsessing so bad to the point that i didn't feel like posting here for some time.(its nothing personal to our future mummy's on here , I love all of you , you been such a wonderful friends help for the last couple of months !) . I guess its a combination of my messed up cycle and pregnant coworker with her baby shower. Well anyways my AF was finally here two weeks ago and I was suppose to ovulate few days ago. My monitor showed that I had high fertility but did not ovulate this month. For the last two days my OH was sick as a dog , so we couldnt get the action going -> oh well , I am out this month yet again but at the same time very excited for those that are waiting to find out that their AF will not show for the next 10 months!


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## Bride2b

:wave: Hey Kelly, how are you....its good to see that you are going to be around more, how you doing?xx

Nat dont forget the CBFM doesnt always show a peak & egg. I have read on several occasions ladies getting a BFP without getting a peak. It might not be too late to get that egg still if you do get chance to :sex:. Remember your not out till the fat lady sings.....just make sure to DTD even if no peak shows!

xx


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## dnlfinker

Bride2b said:


> :wave: Hey Kelly, how are you....its good to see that you are going to be around more, how you doing?xx
> 
> Nat dont forget the CBFM doesnt always show a peak & egg. I have read on several occasions ladies getting a BFP without getting a peak. It might not be too late to get that egg still if you do get chance to :sex:. Remember your not out till the fat lady sings.....just make sure to DTD even if no peak shows!
> 
> xx

It was weird, before my cycle was out for 2 months, the ovulation predictor kit showed that I ovulated and the monitor did not. The monitor also had some water demage before , it might be very sick(not that I am counting on that). On the other its not possible to dtd , because OH is still sick with stomach flu and I am staying away from him for couple more days. As much as I want to get pregnant , I am not willing to risk getting a flu from him


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## Bride2b

Stomach flu, yep I think I'd keep a wide berth too! 

Have you had peaks on the CBFM yet? I also read some people never get peaks...not sure why! x


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## OliveBay

AArgh, I just wrote a really long post and then closed the wrong window by accident and lost it all :dohh::wacko::nope:
I just haven't got the time or energy to re-write it all now, so am just going to say hi to everyone and sorry for not sending you all my lovely personalised messages that I had written.
Oh, and here's a piccy of this morning's second test (10-11dpo) Please tell me I'm not imagining that second line.... (control line is the dark one, on the right)
AF should be due Thurs so I'm just praying this sticks and that witch stays away.
 



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## dnlfinker

Bride2b said:


> Stomach flu, yep I think I'd keep a wide berth too!
> 
> Have you had peaks on the CBFM yet? I also read some people never get peaks...not sure why! x

No peak fertility detected but its been on high fertility for the last week or so(since tues). I had some dis-comfortable feeling last week and lots of CM(sorry for details) on day 11 but is it possible that ovulated then?


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## Bride2b

How many months have you used it for? What CD are you on at the moment? I'm not sure with this really, I would have thought cd11 is early but I know it can happen early on some cycles - so I read. Was this the first day of 'highs'?
I always had peaks with my CBFM, so I'm not sure what happens when it doesnt detect a peak in terms of how many days of highs it will give in a row.

My first 2 cycles showed highs CD12-19 with peaks CD17 & 18. So maybe if you have high at cd 11 you might be ov soon after that. If you are fairly new to CBFM dont forget it can take a cycle or two to 'learn' your cycle.

Not much help but its good to try and work out whats going on ready for when your OH is back to full fitness next month xx


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## Bride2b

How many months have you used it for? What CD are you on at the moment? I'm not sure with this really, I would have thought cd11 is early but I know it can happen early on some cycles - so I read. Was this the first day of 'highs'?
I always had peaks with my CBFM, so I'm not sure what happens when it doesnt detect a peak in terms of how many days of highs it will give in a row.

My first 2 cycles showed highs CD12-19 with peaks CD17 & 18. So maybe if you have high at cd 11 you might be ov soon after that. If you are fairly new to CBFM dont forget it can take a cycle or two to 'learn' your cycle.

Not much help but its good to try and work out whats going on ready for when your OH is back to full fitness next month xx


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## mhazzab

OliveBay said:


> AArgh, I just wrote a really long post and then closed the wrong window by accident and lost it all :dohh::wacko::nope:
> I just haven't got the time or energy to re-write it all now, so am just going to say hi to everyone and sorry for not sending you all my lovely personalised messages that I had written.
> Oh, and here's a piccy of this morning's second test (10-11dpo) Please tell me I'm not imagining that second line.... (control line is the dark one, on the right)
> AF should be due Thurs so I'm just praying this sticks and that witch stays away.

Sally there's definately a second line there, congrats! I know you are probably excited and terrified too after last time, just wanted to say I am so happy for you, you so deserve this. I got my BFP two days after my due date, a little gift from my girls I think, hope it's the same for you xxx


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## feeble

OliveBay said:


> AArgh, I just wrote a really long post and then closed the wrong window by accident and lost it all :dohh::wacko::nope:
> I just haven't got the time or energy to re-write it all now, so am just going to say hi to everyone and sorry for not sending you all my lovely personalised messages that I had written.
> Oh, and here's a piccy of this morning's second test (10-11dpo) Please tell me I'm not imagining that second line.... (control line is the dark one, on the right)
> AF should be due Thurs so I'm just praying this sticks and that witch stays away.

That is definitely a positive! 

Bride did you get your parcel yet? x


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## Bride2b

Not yet Fiona, will let you know when I do!

Yeah Sally there is def a line there! It WILL get darker everyday esp if your AF is due Thurs - thats like 3/4 days away. Its looking goooooooood xx


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## Hellylou

Sally that looks fab!! Congratulations! I know how scary this is, but stay positive, take each day as it comes. I'm keeping everything crossed for this little bean :happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## yazoo

OliveBay said:


> Thanks ladies. I did a second test with SMU just to check and the line was very definitely there. Pale but there for sure. Now i really need this to stick- please send sticky vibes my way!

Sally congrats hun, I definitely see a second line. I'm hoping and praying its a sticky bean. :hugs::hugs:



SLCMommy said:


> Can I please join? I lost my baby 14w6d approx :( I had a D&E on Friday, lost over 1.5 liters of blood on the OR table, ended up being admitted into the hospital and needing 5 blood transfusions. This whole thing and left me traumatized.

SLC I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my little boy Jakob at 22 weeks due to premature labour caused by bleeding. YOu are more than welcome here although I hate that you have had to join us. :cry::cry:


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## feeble

I reckon it will be tomorrow then hun x


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## collie_crazy

Sally there is a definite line there - and I've always found those blue handled ICs to be not so sensitive. My BFP showed up way clearer on a FRER than a IC. Fingers crossed for a super sticky bean :happydance:

PS Gemma I'm Amanda :wave:


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## kiki04

Sally-Thats positive!! :happydance:

Britney- Looks as though cd19 was your ovulation day putting you at only about 3 dpo right now.


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## blav

kiki04 said:


> Sally-Thats positive!! :happydance:
> 
> Britney- Looks as though cd19 was your ovulation day putting you at only about 3 dpo right now.

How can you tell???!!! That is not what I would have guessed at all!!!! I guess because of the dip? But why would I not get a pos OPK until now?


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## SLCMommy

Ladies, I just got a call from a nurse saying that pathology is done with my baby and that they will be calling the cremating society. 

Bitter-sweet. I hopefully will get my wish that my baby will be cremated, but I'm still gutted this happened.


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## blav

SLCMommy said:


> Ladies, I just got a call from a nurse saying that pathology is done with my baby and that they will be calling the cremating society.
> 
> Bitter-sweet. I hopefully will get my wish that my baby will be cremated, but I'm still gutted this happened.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know it's so difficult to deal with these things that you never thought about or expected. We had our baby cremated as well and it was the right choice for us. I hope that everything works out so that you might be able to get a little bit of closure during this extremely tough time. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

SLCMommy said:


> Can I please join? I lost my baby 14w6d approx :( I had a D&E on Friday, lost over 1.5 liters of blood on the OR table, ended up being admitted into the hospital and needing 5 blood transfusions. This whole thing and left me traumatized.

I am so deeply sorry for your loss :cry::cry: I lost my Ava at 20 weeks . We buried her on 3/11/2011. It has been a long hard road, just now over 10 months am i feeling better and stronger :cry::cry:

I am just so sorry you are going through this, i promise things will get better, but it takes a long time. We all are here for you.
My name is Andrea.. XOOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SLCMommy

Thank you!

We wanted to bury our baby, but because it was a D&E... the baby is in pieces and my DH started to cry and said he emotionally couldn't handle seeing our baby in pieces, so that is why we decided to cremate.

We go to in tomorrow afternoon to pay for the service & sign papers. Now I am in the process of looking at Urns.


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## Nikki_d72

SLC Mommy I'm so so sorry for your loss. I hate it when anyone new joins because I know what you are going through and I wish you weren't but I hope we can help you. xxx

Sally, everything crossed for a sticky bean for you, congrats and ...breathe... xxx


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## blav

SLCMommy said:


> Thank you!
> 
> We wanted to bury our baby, but because it was a D&E... the baby is in pieces and my DH started to cry and said he emotionally couldn't handle seeing our baby in pieces, so that is why we decided to cremate.
> 
> We go to in tomorrow afternoon to pay for the service & sign papers. Now I am in the process of looking at Urns.

Instead of an urn we made a Build-a-Bear and put our baby's ashes inside of it. We will but the bear in our rainbow baby's room to "watch over" him/her. OH didn't want something as "sterile" as an urn, he wanted something you might find in a baby's room so it worked out perfectly for us! Good luck in your search.


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## Kelly9

Slc mommy im sorry for your loss. We just lost our Hannah jan 13 at 18 weeks so everything for me is very fresh and raw. We also had our girl cremated. I just heard back from my bil that her ashes are ready for pick up and that he'll be sending then to me tomorrow. She was cremated in Toronto because we'd had fetal surgery to try and save her life but sadly she passed away hours later. So once all was done and I'd said my goodbyes I returned back to Alberta to be with my husband and son while our bil and his wife took care of the details back in Toronto.


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## Kelly9

I went out and found a small pewter trinket box and had Hannah's name engraved on it. That will be her final resting place once she arrives home and that box will be sealed and placed in her memory box for whenever I need to be with her. 

I do really like the teddy idea though.


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## kiki04

blav said:


> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> Sally-Thats positive!! :happydance:
> 
> Britney- Looks as though cd19 was your ovulation day putting you at only about 3 dpo right now.
> 
> How can you tell???!!! That is not what I would have guessed at all!!!! I guess because of the dip? But why would I not get a pos OPK until now?Click to expand...

Are you SURE it was positive though? Because you will almost always have 2 lines on the tests... even a dark one can show but that doesnt mean it is positive... If you got your surge on cd19-20 it could still be showing a line on the way back down from your LH surge. There is *usually* a dip on ovulation day or the day before and then a rise... if your temps continue to go up from here for a few more days, then level out... I would say cd19. I always ovulate (minus last cycle :haha: ) around cd17-20 so it wouldnt be unrealistic to think you could too... its quite common actually! How long are your cycles usually?


----------



## kiki04

SLCMommy said:


> Ladies, I just got a call from a nurse saying that pathology is done with my baby and that they will be calling the cremating society.
> 
> Bitter-sweet. I hopefully will get my wish that my baby will be cremated, but I'm still gutted this happened.

Hun I really am so sorry... I have seen you post around the boards as your pic looks very familiar to me, and I want you to know how sorry I am that you had to join us here :( I hope time is gentle on you :hugs:


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## SLCMommy

Thank you ladies. Even though we can't physically hug - I feel them :)

I really love the build a bear idea too! The only issue is, is that I know it wouldn't last as long as an urn... but It's definitely still a possibility in my mind. I am also wanting an urn because years and years from now - when I am old, my DH and I want this baby to be buried near us or with us. ;)


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## blav

kiki04 said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> Sally-Thats positive!! :happydance:
> 
> Britney- Looks as though cd19 was your ovulation day putting you at only about 3 dpo right now.
> 
> How can you tell???!!! That is not what I would have guessed at all!!!! I guess because of the dip? But why would I not get a pos OPK until now?Click to expand...
> 
> Are you SURE it was positive though? Because you will almost always have 2 lines on the tests... even a dark one can show but that doesnt mean it is positive... If you got your surge on cd19-20 it could still be showing a line on the way back down from your LH surge. There is *usually* a dip on ovulation day or the day before and then a rise... if your temps continue to go up from here for a few more days, then level out... I would say cd19. I always ovulate (minus last cycle :haha: ) around cd17-20 so it wouldnt be unrealistic to think you could too... its quite common actually! How long are your cycles usually?Click to expand...

I'm pretty sure it was positive. I had several days before where there was nothing (not even a hint of a line). Then I had two days where the lines were both dark but the test line clearly wasn't as dark. Then today they were more or less identical. Tonight I took another and the test line was much lighter than the control. My last cycle was 30 days. Before Mateo they were about the same 28-30 days if I remember right. I am actually kind of okay if I o'd on CD19 because that would mean there is still a chance that I could be preg this month as we did BD before then when I would have been quite fertile ideally. I really need to stop overthinking all of this or I'll never get pg! Thanks for all your help! I'll be interested to see what my cycle does next month if I don't get a bfp.


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## Hellylou

SLCMommy said:


> Ladies, I just got a call from a nurse saying that pathology is done with my baby and that they will be calling the cremating society.
> 
> Bitter-sweet. I hopefully will get my wish that my baby will be cremated, but I'm still gutted this happened.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby boy at 16 weeks when my waters broke early. Sorry you've had to join us here like this :hugs:


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## Bride2b

kiki04 said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kiki04 said:
> 
> 
> Sally-Thats positive!! :happydance:
> 
> Britney- Looks as though cd19 was your ovulation day putting you at only about 3 dpo right now.
> 
> How can you tell???!!! That is not what I would have guessed at all!!!! I guess because of the dip? But why would I not get a pos OPK until now?Click to expand...
> 
> Are you SURE it was positive though? Because you will almost always have 2 lines on the tests... even a dark one can show but that doesnt mean it is positive... If you got your surge on cd19-20 it could still be showing a line on the way back down from your LH surge. There is *usually* a dip on ovulation day or the day before and then a rise... if your temps continue to go up from here for a few more days, then level out... I would say cd19. I always ovulate (minus last cycle :haha: ) around cd17-20 so it wouldnt be unrealistic to think you could too... its quite common actually! How long are your cycles usually?Click to expand...

Britney & Krissy I am totally intreaged by this! I see what you mean about CD19 dip. I want to learn!! I hope this is good news Britney that youre not out then!:happydance:
I am now doubting the OPKs as by the sound of this they are not accurate.....my OPKs have been totally white - with just the control line. I'm wondering if I have a duff batch. I had the faintest line I think Fri am but it was almost not there. I've added my chart now to my signature. I'm obviously not TTC this month so I'm not worried about catching the egg. I just want to make sure that I know what my body is doing for next cycle. Maybe I will OV later as this is my first cycle since my loss & my body is returning to normal. Any advice would be good xx

Britney I LOVE the idea of Build a Bear! We want Berties ashes to be buried with OH dad, but the plot is supposed to have OH mum buried there too when the time comes, so we are not sure how it would work as we are not keen on one day Bertie being dug up for his mum. I might suggest the build a bear to my OH. SLCMommy I like the idea of burying the baby with you one day, so maybe the bear could go with you instead of an urn. I think this is what I would like to do. I am glad this came up and that its taken so long for us to get the ashes (I've not collected them yet as only found out Fri they are ready) I think its fate that this has all taken this long as I really do love the bear idea xxx


----------



## SLCMommy

The build a bear idea is adorable, isn't it? A lot of the urns I have found have been...emotionally cold looking. I think if you can find an Urn that you LOVE - I think it's a great idea! Just like deciding to bury or cremate, what you do with your babies ashes and/or where you put them are all very personal choices that I feel every couple has the right to make. I'm a little nervous, as the baby "stopped" growing at 13w4d but that doesn't mean it stopped living than. The amino fluid was a lot smaller than what it should of been at 13w4d so chances are it lived a little longer but the processes of death probably started around the tail end of my 12th week. So the actual "date" of death I'll never know - but it's sometime between mid 13th week and mid 14th week. So, I'm really, really, really scared that they cremation service place won't even be able to get ANY ashes - but pathology said there was enough so it might just be a tiny wee-little bit? I don't know... this whole process sucks! 
:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

DH and I also decided to wait until May 2013 before we actively start TTC. So I am starting to think about birth control and what I want to do. I personally had the IUD in for 3 years and while I enjoyed no periods, I hated every minute of it! My bbs hurt, hair fell out, etc... It just wasn't very fun. In the past I've been on birth control pills which made me break out with acne, the Depo shot made me bleed all the time, The nuva ring kept popping out, and the birth control patch sucked because it would get that brown gunk on my skin like a band-aid. I don't do well with condoms because for some reason I'm really sensitive "there" and the latex makes me bleed...but does that sound more so like a latex allergy? I don't have any reactions if I were to wear a latex glove - so is it possible to have a latex allergic in just that area? So - I feel like my choices will be to 1) do Natural Family Planning or 2) Try and see about the new birth control pill options as it's been years since I've even been on the pill.

Did anyone here WTT after their loss by any chance? & If so, what BC method did you use? :)


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hi, I've laso had my fair share of problems with BC - I had the mirena coil which stopped my periods too and gave me all the symptoms of PCOS as well! Depo made me feel pregnant all the time and most birth control pills made me fat and miserable. I don't do well with hormones. I too am sensitive to latex down there and found some non-latex condoms - they were fine but expensive and don't stink like rubber ones. I can't remember the name of them but they were easily available, might have been Avanti or something - they were Durex ones anyway. HTH xxx


----------



## Hellylou

Hi SLC - shame about the condom irritation, as they have been my bc of choice for years (been married 13 years now) as I am intolerant to the pill, and anything with hormones, and hate the idea of the coil. We basically used either withdrawal or condoms - have you tried all brands/latex free? I think it is possible to be sensitive to them down below, even if not anywhere else. It's a very delicate area, and it's all about ph balance. 

I think given the fact you are trying again in the future it is probably wise not to use anything that will interfere with natural cycles, as it can take a while after you come off them for cycles to get back to normal.


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Hi SLC - shame about the condom irritation, as they have been my bc of choice for years (been married 13 years now) as I am intolerant to the pill, and anything with hormones, and hate the idea of the coil. We basically used either withdrawal or condoms - have you tried all brands/latex free? I think it is possible to be sensitive to them down below, even if not anywhere else. It's a very delicate area, and it's all about ph balance.
> 
> I think given the fact you are trying again in the future it is probably wise not to use anything that will interfere with natural cycles, as it can take a while after you come off them for cycles to get back to normal.

I agree with Helen. I mean for me it has taken me 10 months to try again, but I didn't want any form of birth control, cause it does mess up your cycles.
Have you thought about condoms? I just know for me I have never used any form of birth control, only the pull out method :blush::blush: sorry TMI...
Wish you all the best SLC Mommy ..xoxox :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## SLCMommy

I think we will try latex free at first and see how that goes? I'm glad to hear somebody waited 10 months before TTC. I feel like everyone TTC right after they get the green light too, and that left me feeling kinda lousy about my choice to wait. LOL

Ugh, and of COURSE my very jealous ex, who - mind you, is engaged to another woman and we haven't been together for over 6 years - still seems to be jealous because he is VERY judgmental of me and any of my choices. He found out about my toss, and on his facebook called me "stupid and reckless". 

I barley even know him anymore, and the fact if he knew I lost a child - to say something SO cruel? Ugh, I don't know what the matter is with people.


----------



## Hellylou

SLCMommy said:


> I think we will try latex free at first and see how that goes? I'm glad to hear somebody waited 10 months before TTC. I feel like everyone TTC right after they get the green light too, and that left me feeling kinda lousy about my choice to wait. LOL
> 
> Ugh, and of COURSE my very jealous ex, who - mind you, is engaged to another woman and we haven't been together for over 6 years - still seems to be jealous because he is VERY judgmental of me and any of my choices. He found out about my toss, and on his facebook called me "stupid and reckless".
> 
> I barley even know him anymore, and the fact if he knew I lost a child - to say something SO cruel? Ugh, I don't know what the matter is with people.

How horrible. Good thing he's your ex, is all I can say to that. Do you have to be in touch on facebook?

I wouldn't compare your choice about TTC to anyone else's. It's a very personal, individual decision for everyone. At first, my OH didn't even want to try again, which destroyed me, but then he came round. Some people want to be pregnant again straight away, others feel they want to take more time to heal. There is no right or wrong, and it's a choice you make as a couple, and personally as a mother. You will know the right time, and you may find as time goes on that your feelings change. It's such early days for you, so try not to put yourself under any pressure over that side of things. You just need to take time to get through this at this moment. :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook! 

I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx


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## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook!
> 
> I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx

Your old!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????? :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
I am oldddddddddddd..I will be 42 in June :brat::brat::brat::brat:
You are not old my dear friend.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am also glad that moron is your EX SLC, I can't beleive anyone would be that cruel :cry::cry::cry: Believe me Karma comes back to all of them.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Andypanda6570 said:


> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook!
> 
> I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx
> 
> Your old!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????? :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
> I am oldddddddddddd..I will be 42 in June :brat::brat::brat::brat:
> You are not old my dear friend.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> I am also glad that moron is your EX SLC, I can't beleive anyone would be that cruel :cry::cry::cry: Believe me Karma comes back to all of them.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Thanks Andrea, but I'm feeling every second of my years at the moment! And I'm not fit either so even though you may have a couple of years on me, I bet you're physically younger, IYKWIM! I'll be 40 in September, where did that go? Where did I go?!


----------



## Andypanda6570

Nikki_d72 said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Nikki_d72 said:
> 
> 
> WSS! i was just about to say thank God he's your Ex and I would delete him off your facebook!
> 
> I was also going to say it is an individual choice and I too changed my mind a million times before deciding. I'm older though at 39 so don't have time on my side, if I did I would probably choose to wait longer. Don't worry about others, you just focus on what's right for you and yours, we will be here to support you whatever you choose. xx
> 
> Your old!!!!!!!????????????????????????????????? :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
> I am oldddddddddddd..I will be 42 in June :brat::brat::brat::brat:
> You are not old my dear friend.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> I am also glad that moron is your EX SLC, I can't beleive anyone would be that cruel :cry::cry::cry: Believe me Karma comes back to all of them.. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Thanks Andrea, but I'm feeling every second of my years at the moment! And I'm not fit either so even though you may have a couple of years on me, I bet you're physically younger, IYKWIM! I'll be 40 in September, where did that go? Where did I go?!Click to expand...

Aww Nikki, it is hard I know. I am still trying daily to loose another 15 pds, it is hard. I love food :growlmad: and we need it to live, but i cut back a lot, it is just really hard. I feel old also and the years are slipping away :cry: good god I will be 50 in 8 years :friends::friends::friends::friends:
XOXOOX Thinking of you XOXOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Hellylou

It's a strange thing, getting older, isn't it? I turned 37 a couple of days ago, and I can't quite work out how that happened! It's like getting older is something that happens to other people. I remember writing in my diary when I was 17 and saying that 20 was just ancient! I do think as well about being an 'older' mum now. My other kids are 13 and 11 this year. I was so young when I had them, and I liked being one of the younger mums out of their friends' mums - many of them are now late 40s or 50. Now, I'll be the other way around with this little one, all being well, and one of the older mums. I get to see both sides of the coin!


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## Nikki_d72

Thinking of you too hun, don't think too far ahead, you'll blow your mind! I better go to bed, it's 1:40am here and I have plumbers coming in the morning and a wee girl who will need organised for her swimming lesson. Another night lost, ooops! Ah well, I hadn't had a chat for ages to you girls on here, I so miss you when I'm busy and can't get on here! Speak soon and everything crossed. xxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Haha, you're right, Helen - it happens to other people, not us!


----------



## Bride2b

Bride2b said:


> I am now doubting the OPKs as by the sound of this they are not accurate.....my OPKs have been totally white - with just the control line. I'm wondering if I have a duff batch. I had the faintest line I think Fri am but it was almost not there. I've added my chart now to my signature. I'm obviously not TTC this month so I'm not worried about catching the egg. I just want to make sure that I know what my body is doing for next cycle. Maybe I will OV later as this is my first cycle since my loss & my body is returning to normal. Any advice would be great xxx

still negative opks, not even a hint of a line ....what's going on? Did anyone else find ov dates changed after pregnancy / loss?

Any advice on what might be happening would be great that's if anyone has any ideas of what's happening....could the opks be duff? I doubt I ov before I started using them coz of my temps xxx


----------



## Kelly9

I'm going to ttc as soon as possible but we need to do an frozen embryo transfer and the waitlist for that is 3 months. We'll be trying naturally but with our issues it's not likely to happen. I think having gone through what we did to have Hannah (ICSI) made things a lot harder on me because I know we can't just get pregnant without the help of doctors and our embryo's don't guarantee us another pregnancy. I am trying not to be negative but I just can't fathom getting our hopes up for good news knowing all the bad news we've had. 

SLC mommy, I found the urns cold and not right as well which is why we went with a small trinket box. We're expecting Hannah's ashes in a few days so I'll let you know how much there are for an 18 week baby to give you a better idea. What I am expecting is maybe the amount the size of a quarter.

Question about sex, how long did you guys wait to have sex again? I don't have any trauma to my netherbits since Hannah was so small so I know I can go for it whenever I want but I just can't seem to feel in the mood for it. I want to start resuming a normal life and this is part of it, so I don't know if I should just jump back in or wait? I'm afraid if I wait I'll never want to again but if I do it then maybe those feelings will come back and I'll feel like doing it, if that made any sense.


----------



## Nikki_d72

Hi Kelly, I waited until after our follow-up appt just after 6 weeks, by then I'd had my first AF too. I wanted to be sure the cervix was all closed up again, but in the end nobody checked anyway. I think the usual wisdom is that once you are done bleeding then there shouldn't be any risk of infection. I was particularly paranoid as I had traces of infection found in my babies' placenta. I also just didn't feel like it. The urge will probably come back to you when you are ready emotionally but I know what you maen, if you leave it too long it becomes a bit wierd. I wouldn't force it, I felt the desire again naturally after a while, though it was emotional.

What about everyone else? Did the urge to have sex come back on it's own or did any of you have to sort of make yourself do it the first time?


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## Kelly9

I know my cervix is closed, they checked the other day and my bleeding is minimal so that wouldn't bother me either, though I just started doing sit ups again so it may pick up for a bit. I don't want to wait for 6 weeks. The nurse at the hospital told me I could around 2 weeks after or when I felt like it. After having my son it took 3 attempts due to the pain of an episiotomy and 7 weeks later we finally managed it but I found I had to kind of suck it up and do it. Maybe we'll give it a go after it's been two weeks. I don't think it will hurt but it might and I guess I'm more worried about that. I know my husband won't push me into anything which is nice. Not meaning to share to much but I had my first orgasm the other day and it was mentally tough to achieve and I had some cramping and weird sensations but I assume thats cause my uterus is still a little bigger then it should be.


----------



## blav

Gemma-I agree, last month I never got a positive opk but AF was on time so I most likely did ovulate. This month, who even knows. I'm trying to just temp, record it, and not worry about it (althought, last night I just had this feeling that I'm pregnant with a girl). We'll see what happens at the end of the month. I'm going to try really hard to not test unless AF is late.

Kelly9-I would recommend waiting until the cervix as closed. If you have sex before that you can open yourself up to infection. Don't be hard on yourself if even when you feel ready, the actual sex just doesn't feel quite right. I remember one time when OH and I were having sex for some reason something he did seemed to give me the exact same feeling as it felt when Mateo was being born and it just totally ruined everything for me, I started crying, it was awful. It is okay if things aren't perfect right away.

Nikki-I think you're right, you do just kind of finally feel like having sex is okay again. For me the urge definitely just came back on it's own after a period of time. I was actually quite frisky.


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## Kelly9

My cervix is closed. They did an internal when I went in for a scan to
Check for placental remains.


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## blav

Kelly9 said:


> My cervix is closed. They did an internal when I went in for a scan to
> Check for placental remains.

I didn't see your other response before I replied :dohh:

If the doctor has given you the go ahead, I would say whenever you feel ready! My doctor had told us to wait 6 weeks, but we waited 3 (I think, might have been 4). OH was very hesitant because he didn't want to hurt me or introduce infection but I was able to convince him it was okay :thumbup:


----------



## Kelly9

That's ok it's easy to miss stuff on here. I'll ask again when I have my scan tomorrow to double check that it's closed but I feel comfortable with what the doc told me when he did the internal. Im just worried emotionally that it will be tough. I Mean last time emotionally I was excited and ready but we had a healthy baby. I guess I should just give the dh a heads up I may go hormonal on him.


----------



## blav

Kelly9 said:


> That's ok it's easy to miss stuff on here. I'll ask again when I have my scan tomorrow to double check that it's closed but I feel comfortable with what the doc told me when he did the internal. Im just worried emotionally that it will be tough. I Mean last time emotionally I was excited and ready but we had a healthy baby. I guess I should just give the dh a heads up I may go hormonal on him.

Yeah of course it's a good idea to talk to him about it, but there is no right or wrong time to start up again. You can wait until you feel ready and if you try and you're not ready yet you can keep waiting. It will all happen at the right time...as with most things, we just have to have patience (which I am NOT good at :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:)


----------



## Kelly9

I am not a patient person by nature either, I tell my DH that in the 6 weeks we went through hell with Hannah's diagnosis I used up 10 years worth of patience.


----------



## SLCMommy

Kelly, six weeks?! That had to be a horrific wait! Im waiting on my pathology report . Its hard because I want to know what went wrong.


----------



## feeble

we waited 12 weeks for our results... 

very hard wait and i am so glad it came back as nothing to worry about for the next pregnancy. just one step closer to moving on a bit...


----------



## Bride2b

Ah thanks Britney, maybe it is just a cycle where I wont ovulate, I've not had this before (to my knowledge as before when using CBFM etc there was always OV peaks). Its better it happens this month & maybe a sign so I couldnt try this month, hopefully if AF arrives on time (cd 28 or cd 29 like it was before) then I'll relax. I'm so worried that my body isnt doing what its meant to, I'm just so desperate to get back to ttc & being successful without having to wait months!

About the sex thing, I didnt feel the urge but went along with it to see if I felt ok with it. I have to say I didnt and ended up quite tearful. I say just do things when your ready & dont feel you have to rush into anything x


----------



## Bride2b

Ah thanks Britney, maybe it is just a cycle where I wont ovulate, I've not had this before (to my knowledge as before when using CBFM etc there was always OV peaks). Its better it happens this month & maybe a sign so I couldnt try this month, hopefully if AF arrives on time (cd 28 or cd 29 like it was before) then I'll relax. I'm so worried that my body isnt doing what its meant to, I'm just so desperate to get back to ttc & being successful without having to wait months!

About the sex thing, I didnt feel the urge but went along with it to see if I felt ok with it. I have to say I didnt and ended up quite tearful. I say just do things when your ready & dont feel you have to rush into anything x


----------



## Tia30

Hi all,

Not sure if you can help.

Phoned the hospital yesterday as had heard nothing since I was in there on xmas eve about finding out what went wrong and the results of the autopsy. Anyway they said they were just about to write to me and have given me an appointment on the 5th of March?

Doesn't 10 weeks seem like a long time to wait to find out what happened? Also I am scared to try again in case something is wrong - as they did mention I had a heart shaped womb and something about the baby needing to implant on the right hand side as blood flow is better.

Thanks


----------



## Andypanda6570

Tia30 said:


> Hi all,
> 
> Not sure if you can help.
> 
> Phoned the hospital yesterday as had heard nothing since I was in there on xmas eve about finding out what went wrong and the results of the autopsy. Anyway they said they were just about to write to me and have given me an appointment on the 5th of March?
> 
> Doesn't 10 weeks seem like a long time to wait to find out what happened? Also I am scared to try again in case something is wrong - as they did mention I had a heart shaped womb and something about the baby needing to implant on the right hand side as blood flow is better.
> 
> Thanks

I waited 6 weeks for Ava's test and then after all that waiting they told me her cells didn't grow :cry: I was like WHAT?? I said what does that mean they said sometimes the cells don't grow and we don't have another tissue sample so we can't test again. So I will never know why her heart just stopped. My doc said he is 90% sure it was chromosomal, but I will never really know. 
I would think an autopsy would take longer than a test for tissue. I thought 6 weeks was long, 10 weeks is long, but i think that is just how long it takes. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray you find out a reason for it.
I also did not want to try again till i knew all the facts. 

XOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

Hi Tia, hope your well apart from all this waiting. I was told the follow up would be in 6-8 weeks after I lost Bertie. Infact it was exactly 6 weeks after. We didnt have an autopsy, but I know sometimes it takes longer to get the results back if you chose to do that.
Is it worth making an appointment with your GP in the mean time to ask questions about the condition you have. I asked a few questions on a few occasions running up to my appointment & the doctors were only to happy to talk me through things. For me my questions were speculative as I had no idea about why my loss occurred. They are usually pretty good & quite sensitive and understanding towards situations where a baby has been lost. If you really want to try before hand I would certainly go see the doctor. At your follow up though they will give you information on how they will treat you next time, including different tests/scans etc. So it might be worth waiting if you can.

The 5th of March does seem ages to wait. I hope you can get some info / advice before this xx Good luck xx


----------



## kiki04

I was never really told anything definitive :shrug: It was something that just *happened* as far as I know :(


----------



## kiki04

Bride2b said:


> Ah thanks Britney, maybe it is just a cycle where I wont ovulate, I've not had this before (to my knowledge as before when using CBFM etc there was always OV peaks). Its better it happens this month & maybe a sign so I couldnt try this month, hopefully if AF arrives on time (cd 28 or cd 29 like it was before) then I'll relax. I'm so worried that my body isnt doing what its meant to, I'm just so desperate to get back to ttc & being successful without having to wait months!
> 
> About the sex thing, I didnt feel the urge but went along with it to see if I felt ok with it. I have to say I didnt and ended up quite tearful. I say just do things when your ready & dont feel you have to rush into anything x

With your temp going down two days in a row this could be your pre ov dip :shrug: If it starts to go up tomorrow and continues to rise I would mark today or tomorrow as possible O days. But that being said, I just had my very first cycle of 64 days :dohh: Had no clue what was going on but thank god thats over now! CD8 for me now and hoping to begin my OPK's by about Monday. :happydance: I expect OV in about 10 days ladies so its time get things rockin!! :haha:


----------



## Bride2b

I feel a bit of a nob asking about my lack of OV after your mega cycle...just paranoid I guess that my body is f**ked! I guess I've lost faith in it after it allowed my baby to be born too soon! Its all scary stuff!

Not long now hun for you to wait to crack open those lovely little sticks!!! xx


----------



## kiki04

Mega Cycle :rofl: Perfect name for it :haha: But it isnt uncommon to ovulate around cd20. Are your cycles at least 30 days? Did you monitor them before?


----------



## Bride2b

Yes usually 28-29 days before. I kept a little table and recorded what the CBFM said. I'm a bit of a geek, I used red for low, amber for 'high' and green for peak days, so it was really easy to see what was going on. Then I knew when the best days were to bd once I stopped using the monitor.

I hope this cycle is just a one off & that I do get AF after 28-29 days! 

I wrote down loads of stuff yesterday about how I feel & emailed it to OH to read (otherwise sometimes when you talk you cant say everything you want to as you get interrupted!). I laid it out how desperate I am to be pregnant again as I dont think he realised how much I think about it. I just feel like I am some sort of nutter at the moment!


----------



## kiki04

Well if you are ovulating late, you will want your cycle to run to about 33-34 days to ensure your LP is long enough for implant ;) They say 12-14 is good. 

I think thats a great idea writing all that to your OH. Sometimes it is just easier to get it all out on paper. :thumbup:


----------



## SLCMommy

I'm sorry to those who had to wait for along time to get their results back. That really is such a nerve-wracking time. My next appointment is February 16th, and I was told the doctor likes to go over the results with the patient so I guess I am kind of stuck waiting until than, even if my results come back sooner. To not really get an answer is heartbreaking because at that point, all you are really wanting in your heart is just answers. FX & baby dust to all of you who are ttc now or will be soon! Me & DH are a long haul away from TTC again. Also, the hospital that I had my D&E at, had a memorial baby blanket for me but I never got it. :( I don't want to call and ask for it because if it doesn't given to me, I don't know if it was meant to not be given. I just heard from a lady from a local support loss group that she had "heard" about a woman who lost her baby at that hospital and had three older kids. I suspect it was me because the hospital was tiny and I had a nurse who usually works with the laboring mamas but she said there were no patients up there. So, I am assuming it was me. I wish people would do their job right.... at that moment that memorial blanket would of helped me out...a lot :(


----------



## KamIAm

Quick Question... 

I've been trying to play "catch-up" and I've noticed Sally's lil post a few pages back and then NOTHING ... 

Sally, log your bum back in here and give us an update... :haha: :hugs:

I've also seen we have some new ones here, unfortunately... I am terribly sorry that you ladies have been thrown into this journey.. I'm just so glad you found your way here... Hope this place offers you the same support, love, friendships & understanding as I found... My name is Kelly - My daughter was born sleeping 10 months ago at 19.4 weeks.. due to my crappy cervix.. aka.. Incompetent Cervix.. She was completely perfect and healthy.. Just my body failed us miserably... 

Sending loves and cuddles to all our lil ones .... :kiss:


----------



## Hellylou

Hi Kelly! I was just flicking back and checking on Sally too! Sally, we need an update!! :hugs:


----------



## OliveBay

KamIAm said:


> Quick Question...
> 
> I've been trying to play "catch-up" and I've noticed Sally's lil post a few pages back and then NOTHING ...
> 
> Sally, log your bum back in here and give us an update... :haha: :hugs:

ha ha, sorry I've been keeping a bit quiet! Didn't want to worry anyone by disappearing, but also don't want to harp on about it all too much! Am just trying to get through the next week or so without AF or any bleeding before really getting my hopes up. Oh heck, who am I kidding? My hopes are well and truly up there in the clouds already, I'm just feeling a bit cautious in case it all comes crashing down again like last time. I already know when i will be due and am looking forward to maternity leave - I just can't help thinking about it! :haha:

Have been poas every morning just to check and those faint lines I saw earlier on the week are defo still there and getting darker. AF would be due tomorrow so probably going to do a digi on Fri, even though I am 100% certain that i am pregnant already so its sort of pointless, but still nice to see those words written there!

Thanks for thinking of me. I'll make sure I keep posting to keep you all updated x
I almost feel like I'm holding my breath for another week, just to get past the point last month where I started bleeding.


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## kiki04

I want a pic of a new darker test!!


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## Nikki_d72

Good to hear from you Sally, I have everything crossed for you! I will look forward to hearing more from you next week when you are past that point. xxx


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## Hellylou

Ah Sally, so glad to hear lines are getting darker. :happydance: I am keeping everything crossed for you this time. You deserve a happy ending! Remember, every pregnancy is different, and this one is going to be the one that goes all the way with a rainbow at the end. :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Well said Helen!


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## OliveBay

Thanks ladies, you're so sweet. Might upload another pic tomorrow if i get chance! Sending much love to you all x. :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

OliveBay said:


> Thanks ladies, you're so sweet. Might upload another pic tomorrow if i get chance! Sending much love to you all x. :hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: You do deserve this.. I am so happy for you..XOOXOXOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

Slc mommy by six weeks I mean we found out about Hannah's diagnosis at 12 weeks then it was a wait and see game till she passed away at 18. Had she made it through the surgery we'd still be waiting till she decided to be born to find out how thugs were going to be.


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## Kelly9

Of the ladies that lost their babies to pprom was it mostly due to incompetent cervix or did other issues not cervix related happen to cause it?


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## Bride2b

Kelly9 said:


> Of the ladies that lost their babies to pprom was it mostly due to incompetent cervix or did other issues not cervix related happen to cause it?

I thought my PPROM was due to crappy cervix, I was convinced of it. I've had work done on my cervix for abnormal cells, so to me it seemed like the obvious cause. I had geared all my questions ready for the consultants appointment towards getting my cervix measured & a possible stitch next time. 
However he tells me that when I was examined upon arrival to hospital my cervix was long and thin. So no signs of IC. 

I was not prepared for them to tell me that I dont have an IC. To me if I did there are things they can do to prevent it happening again.

I told him that I'd have stomach pains all day & they were intermittent accompanied by back pain. I had 2 HUGE surges of pain just before my waters broke. I am sure these pains were contractions, but he couldnt tell me if they were or not as he hadnt seem me when this was happening.

Basically there was no cause found as to why my waters broke. Nothing. No infections, clotting disorders etc! The good news is statistically I have a 99.9% chance of this not happening again. The chances of a woman having their baby due to PPROM for a second time is therefore very slim. (Obviously there are women who do have it happen - I know there are some on here who have had to endure this tragedy more than once)

Although this is good news, I have found it hard to accept that there is no obvious cause as to why this happened. (My baby was perfectly formed, the correct size for his gestation & his heart was still beating after my waters broke - there was nothing wrong with him).

x


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## SLCMommy

I go pick up the ashes today. No urn yet, but all I want to do is to have my baby with me. That's all I want. Even if all I can get it ashes .


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## Bride2b

SLCMommy said:


> I go pick up the ashes today. No urn yet, but all I want to do is to have my baby with me. That's all I want. Even if all I can get it ashes .

Good luck hun xxxx I need to do this in the next few days. I called the funeral directors on Friday & his ashes are ready to collect, but OH has been at work so we've not been able to collect them yet. I desperately want to bring him home. 

Have you chosen an urn? Or decided what you want to do?

x


----------



## Andypanda6570

Hey,
Just popped in to see how everyone is doing? My AF is due today or tomorrow and yes I do feel cramps. It is ok though I really want to try in March so I wont be upset if AF comes. Hope everyone is doing ok.. XOXO Love you all ..XOXOO
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Huge hugs SLC and Bride, for when you bring your little one's ashes home.xx

As for the reason for pPROM in my case it was unknown - there was strepB found when I was swabbed on arrival at hospital (actually I did the swab myself, as they forgot) but my waters had been broken for about 15 hours by then. It was also found in the histology (of the placenta) but there is no way of knowing if the strep was the reason for the break, or if it ascended afterwards, as I didn't deliver till 6 days afterwards. In my case they "suspect" the twin pregnancy caused so much torsion that it either caused the rupture directly, or else it causes a temporary case of IC and allowed the bacteria in, in turn causing the rupture. They will monitor my cervix weekly from 10 weeks next time, if there ever is a next time, just in case and have promised me a cerclage immediately if changes occur. I have never had any Leep or cone biopsy done on my cervix and I have a DD who was born at just about term. I did however have an emergency C/section with my DD and in the process my uterus was torn to the cervix. he told me that when they do a section, it's the cervix they are cutting into, at the top end, he couldn't rule out this being the cause either. From what I've read (which is quite extensive, I went a bit research-mad in my search for answers) nobody really knows the exact aetiology of pPROM. There are known risk factors so it's really a case of trying to eliminate these in the search for possible causes. I don't have all the info to hand, I lent some of it to my midwife and haven't got it back but here's what I can remember as risk factors (remember none of these guarantee pPROm occurring, neither does the absence of them guarantee it not occuring, but they seem to increase the odds):

Smoking
Illegal drug use (mainly cocaine)
Previous surgical trauma to the cervix (causing IC) ie LEEP, Cone biopsy, forced dilitation of the cervix (usually medical termination)
Multiple pregnancy, causing uterine torsion
Irregularly shaped uterus (ie bicornial, septate, etc, not just retro or tilted)
SCH (thrombin in blood is thought to irritate the membrane and possibly cause rupture)
Low socio-economic status (no idea why!)
Chlamidia Infection, Ghonnoreah infection
and I can't remember off the top of my head but I'm sure it said something about women of afro-carribean and hispanic descent being higher risk than caucasians (again, no idea why and it was probably an American study)

BV has also been mentioned a lot as a possible link too. 

I'm sorry I don't have links to sources but that's what I can definitely remember.
HTH xxx

ETA: Here's a great link about future care and what you should request: https://www.inkan.se/pprom/pap-guidelines/trans-vaginal-ultrasound/


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## SLCMommy

Bride2b said:


> SLCMommy said:
> 
> 
> I go pick up the ashes today. No urn yet, but all I want to do is to have my baby with me. That's all I want. Even if all I can get it ashes .
> 
> Good luck hun xxxx I need to do this in the next few days. I called the funeral directors on Friday & his ashes are ready to collect, but OH has been at work so we've not been able to collect them yet. I desperately want to bring him home.
> 
> Have you chosen an urn? Or decided what you want to do?
> 
> xClick to expand...

 We haven't chosen an urn yet. We decided to wait for our pathology report to see if that will give us any answers as to gender, etc. Because we would like to personalize the urn by having it engraved with a name so if we can find the gender - we will go with the names that we had originally planned for this baby and not change the name. We chose Liam Maxwell for a boy, or Charlotte Ruby for a girl. Someone told me to find a different name so I could use these on a different baby and actually use it - and as much as I would love to have a little Liam or Charlotte running around, those names were chosen specifically for this baby and DH and I decided it shouldn't matter if baby is living or not, that it will always be our Liam or Charlotte. Now, if we can't find the gender than we will have to decide on a gender-neutral name and we could use those names we picked out for a future pregnancy.


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## Bride2b

Nikki_d72 said:


> Huge hugs SLC and Bride, for when you bring your little one's ashes home.xx
> 
> ETA: Here's a great link about future care and what you should request: https://www.inkan.se/pprom/pap-guidelines/trans-vaginal-ultrasound/

Nikki that link is really interesting. Thanks for that, I will go armed with the info when I next get pregnant. They suggested a Trans vaginal scan next time at 12 weeks to measure my cervix, but then didnt say if it would be measured again. (I've not received the follow up letter yet - and going to chase it today as this should contain all the test results & future plan).

This bit stuck out for me;
Cervical funneling cannot be detected during a speculum or vaginal exam, which only evaluates the lower half of the cervix. Trans-vaginal ultrasound is the best way to detect cervical funneling because it evaluates the entire cervix, including the upper half.

At my follow up they said on examination at the hospital my cervix was long and thin. HOW THE HELL DO THEY KNOW? :growlmad:They only looked at my cervix. This has pissed me off.....so I might have had shortening. I am going to demand that I get scans as suggested;

Starting at: 9 weeks to get a baseline cervical length
Frequency: Every 2 weeks; every week from 15-24 weeks
Purpose: To monitor for cervical weakness or irritability (often called &#8220;incompetent cervix&#8221; or IC); particularly changes in the upper half of the cervix that cause &#8220;funneling&#8221;. 

Thanks so much for posting that! :thumbup:

SLC its great that you had names lined up. We had decided a name for a boy (but not a girl as I just knew I was having a boy) but we decided to keep that name. OH suggested the name Bertie & I just loved it & it just suited him so nicely. Its really personal choice about what to do with names, either way if baby turns out to be Liam or Charlotte, you still have a name left for next time if the baby is a different sex. 
With our next baby I hope to give it Berties name as a middle name. I am convinced I'll have a boy again, and one day he will know why his middle name is Bertie & why he is special enough to be given that name.
x


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## jojo23

hey girls just popping in to see how everyone is!! hugs to bride and SLC xxxx

im just sitting here thinking of everyone!
so today for the first time ever in my life(yes hard to believe) i went into a mother and baby store. i never bought anything for Lily before i lost her, i dont really know why maybe i felt all along in my heart that something wasnt right. but today i bit the bullet and went in for a look around!!i almost cried at all the baby stuff lol i really hope this time everything works out ok for me and i can buy my little baby all these things instead of buying things for a grave!

also theres this client of mine who is a little psychic and she was in today getting her hair done. i havent told her im preg and because i was wearing an apron she wouldnt have been able to tell. she just turned and said to me why do i keep getting the word pregnancy with you so i laughed and told her and she said awe i knew it and she said she feels its a little girl! 

dunno what to make of it lol but it will be interesting to see... my bump is getting quite big lol but still not much movement :( feel like poking this lil one all day haha to get some movement.

Hope everyone is well and im thinking of you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## kiki04

How cool Jo! Do you feel girl? How many weeks are you now?


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## jojo23

im 19 weeks now hun! to be honest im not really feeling an inciling either way lol i dont know is it because ive been trying all along not to be too attached to this baby even though its silly cause i absolutely love him/her to bits but after losing Lily i just feel ive been almost trying not to think about being pregnant too much! 

but for some reason today i let myself get excited and im lookin towards the future :) i think i needed to just get a grip and enjoy being pregnant and have faith that everything will be ok.

Jeez us women have crazy things to go through!!! lol xx


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## OliveBay

So glad you're feeling positive jojo, hope you start really enjoying it all. You deserve it! :hugs:

Hope everyone else is doing ok. :thumbup:

I caved and did a digi this morning (14-15 dpo), I just couldn't wait til tomorrow! Was nicely suprised to see a 2-3 as was expecting a 1-2, so I'm really pleased it looks like the hormones are building up nicely :happydance: The IC line hasn't really photographed too well - it's darker than at the beginning of the week, but not really that dark still - I think they must just be a bit crap! Still feeling cautious but hopeful....
 



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## Hellylou

Oh wow, Sally - 2-3, how fantastic!!!

Congratulations, lovely. I have such a good feeling... :hugs:


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## Bride2b

I actually want to cry for you Sally xxxxx Congrats my lovely,you deserve this & this one is for keeps this time xxxx


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## collie_crazy

Oh Sally huge huge huge congrats :hugs: :hugs:


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## jojo23

oh sally im so happy for you!!! you absolutely deserve this rainbow baby xxxxxxx sending you lots of love xxxxxxx


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## Kelly9

We had our little girls name picked out almost a decade ago, when we found out our girl had the teratoma and knew the chances we called her by the middle name we'd had picked out cause we were saving her first name to announce when she was born. But by the time things happened I was so used to calling her Hannah that it didn't seem fitting to change it so we gave the other name to her as a middle name. Depending on how we feel about it when the time comes we may use the middle name or a variation of it for a future baby but it would be in memory of Hannah. 

I'm still waiting for her ashes, I really hope they've been mailed already, I just want her home with us.


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Sally, I am so excited for you!!!! What great news!!
Sending so much love .H&H9months :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SLCMommy

Got our darlings ashes :) So sad, but so happy babe is home with us now. 

DH wrote a beautiful poem for our angel...

"Child of mine, I love you and miss you. You are luckier than I to never have to feel my sorrow and ever have to suffer the attachments of life or the pains of the world. Remember our voices and the womb of your mother while we remember you always in our hearts. You will always be the child of mine - Daddy ":cry::cry:



:angel:


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## Nikki_d72

Sally! HUGE congrats to you hon! I also have a great feeling for you this time! I think a lot of those dippy test sticks are like that - When I did them when I was pregnant with twins they never really got any darker than the one in your picture, even at 5wks. They weren't even IC's either, they were First Response ones (@$15 for 3!) Yay for the digi, I can't get them over here, boo.

SLC Mommy, hugs for gettign your LO's ashes, your DH's poem is lovely. 

Jojo, that's sooo cool, everybody is gettign psycic predictions except me, no fair, no fair!! Only kidding. 
#
xxx


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## SLCMommy

Is there anyone on here who is WTT? :)


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## Bride2b

Slc mommy I'm glad you have your baby back with you now & your OH poem was lovely,he sounds great. I'm having trouble pinning my OH down to collect our baby's ashes,think he is avoiding it,but it's not doing me any good. He just won't engage in conversation about it!
As for WTT, yes I have been waiting,but I hope to try next month. It seems like I didn't ov this month anyway so I guess it's natures way of saying my body isn't ready yet.

Did anyone else not ovulate during their first cycle after mc / loss? Is it quite common?

Getting my trial reflexology today....in just over an hour infact. I'll mention to her I didn't ov,maybe she can work on getting me ready to ov next month 

Love to all xxxx


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## Andypanda6570

SLCMommy said:


> Is there anyone on here who is WTT? :)

LOL, yes I am in 2WW ... I am supposed to get my AF now or by Monday the latest.. I was not trying this month, I wanted to wait till March. But if I am I will be so happy. Good Luck to you XOXOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:




Bride2b said:


> Slc mommy I'm glad you have your baby back with you now & your OH poem was lovely,he sounds great. I'm having trouble pinning my OH down to collect our baby's ashes,think he is avoiding it,but it's not doing me any good. He just won't engage in conversation about it!
> As for WTT, yes I have been waiting,but I hope to try next month. It seems like I didn't ov this month anyway so I guess it's natures way of saying my body isn't ready yet.
> 
> Did anyone else not ovulate during their first cycle after mc / loss? Is it quite common?
> 
> Getting my trial reflexology today....in just over an hour infact. I'll mention to her I didn't ov,maybe she can work on getting me ready to ov next month
> 
> Love to all xxxx

Your husband will come around, I think we don't realize it is hard on them also. They just don't show as much emotion as us :hugs::hugs::hugs:
I did ovulate after my loss. After I gave birth I got my AF 5 weeks later and then I ovulated. At the time though I didn't even think to try again, I was to terrified. Some people try again fast some don't, we all are different and no one way is wrong. If you feel ready go for it :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I think it is common not to ovulate right away, we all are different. 
XOXOXOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## winterwonder

SLCMommy said:


> Is there anyone on here who is WTT? :)

I'm waiting till march as i want to have 2 periods before i try again, as i recently lost another lil bean at 8 weeks and want to definitely make sure i'm in tip top condition before we get pregnant.

hope everyone else is well!

and Sally big, huge congratulations!!!!!! :happydance::happydance:


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## Bride2b

Ok so I had my first mini session of reflexology today. It was relaxing but I cant say I feel amazing. Maybe because it was only a short session.

The lady who did it reckons with regular treatment I will be pregnant sooner rather than later (I like her positivity). She also wants me to do a food diary as she says some foods prevent pregnancy etc. She will focus on the pituary gland that stimulates hormone production and also on the reproductive organs.

The session was good and she told me now she felt tension in my neck & shoulders (from my feet). This is so very true, I do feel alot of stress in my shoulders - I always tend to carry it there. I also feel myself clenching my jaw alot lately through anxiety. She picked up on this.

I know some people do not believe in this sort of stuff, but I feel that I am taking positive steps forward, and actively doing something to achieve my goal of being pregnant again. I just know I am going to find it so hard to move on with my life without getting pregnant again.

xx


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## Bride2b

Oh and I forgot to say I posted on the TTC forum a couple of weeks ago about reflexology in case there were people there that have tried it.

I got a PM today from a lady there who had started reflexology after having an ectopic & a tube removed in November, she is now pregnant! WOW!!!!


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## OliveBay

OliveBay said:


> I caved and did a digi this morning (14-15 dpo), I just couldn't wait til tomorrow! Was nicely suprised to see a 2-3 as was expecting a 1-2, so I'm really pleased it looks like the hormones are building up nicely :happydance: The IC line hasn't really photographed too well - it's darker than at the beginning of the week, but not really that dark still - I think they must just be a bit crap! Still feeling cautious but hopeful....

I did another IC this morning (I'm going to stop the daily testing now, I promise!!!), and typically since I said they were crap in my post yesterday, of course today I got a lovely strong line, almost as strong as the control line, and it appeared so much quicker than I've ever seen before, pretty much immediately. :happydance: 

Have got one more digi left which I'm going to do next week before I call the midwife - this takes me to after the time when I started bleeding last month which is my first little milestone. If I wait til next Thurs/ Fri I should be 5 weeks and so should hopefully get a 3+ on the digi, and then I'll really start to believe it!

Hope everyone is feeling ok and ready to enjoy the weekend :happydance:


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## Andypanda6570

Did anyone watch Dr. Oz today? My God I am so depressed now :cry::cry:
They basically said women over 40 should not have kids cause we have so many risk factors. It made me think maybe I should not try. What if I do get pregnant and something goes wrong :cry::cry: I will be responsible for bringing a life into this world and then ending it? The risk of DS is so high and other abnormalities .. I was crying through the whole show.. :cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## OliveBay

Oh Andrea, don't be sad :hugs:

I don't know that show, I've never heard of it in the UK, but I think it sounds like a load of crap. Yes there are increased risks for some things in pregnancy over a certain age, but plenty of women over 40 have happy and healthy babies these days and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty or worried about this. No-one has any right to tell people when they should and shouldn't have babies, it is a personal choice. Whatever we do in life we weigh up the risks involved. Nothing in life is totally free of risk, but we do things anyway because we believe it is the right thing for us to do.

Despite all that I have been through over the last 4 months, I still believe that things will turn out ok in the end. Keep your chin up lovely lady and keep on TTC if thats what you want to do - don't let some crappy tv programme tell you any different. 

Sending you huge hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

PS Any sign of AF or have you tested again yet? x


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## feeble

Bride2b said:


> Ok so I had my first mini session of reflexology today. It was relaxing but I cant say I feel amazing. Maybe because it was only a short session.
> 
> The lady who did it reckons with regular treatment I will be pregnant sooner rather than later (I like her positivity). She also wants me to do a food diary as she says some foods prevent pregnancy etc. She will focus on the pituary gland that stimulates hormone production and also on the reproductive organs.
> 
> The session was good and she told me now she felt tension in my neck & shoulders (from my feet). This is so very true, I do feel alot of stress in my shoulders - I always tend to carry it there. I also feel myself clenching my jaw alot lately through anxiety. She picked up on this.
> 
> I know some people do not believe in this sort of stuff, but I feel that I am taking positive steps forward, and actively doing something to achieve my goal of being pregnant again. I just know I am going to find it so hard to move on with my life without getting pregnant again.
> 
> xx

She would have had to learn your map first before doing anything major so it's good the first session was short, they usually are (but with lots of questions) 

It's great that your doing something for yourself, more than anything x 

It will be great for your shoulders and back too x 

Glad you enjoyed it, I love reflexology but I often use it as a basis for other therapies, unless it's to do with organs and especially the stomach/reproductive system and so on, then reflexology is great (though acupuncture is better, I haven't learnt that though!) 

Look forward to seeing how you get on with it x


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## Hellylou

Andypanda6570 said:


> Did anyone watch Dr. Oz today? My God I am so depressed now :cry::cry:
> They basically said women over 40 should not have kids cause we have so many risk factors. It made me think maybe I should not try. What if I do get pregnant and something goes wrong :cry::cry: I will be responsible for bringing a life into this world and then ending it? The risk of DS is so high and other abnormalities .. I was crying through the whole show.. :cry::cry::cry::cry:

Andrea, I hate to think of you being so upset over a TV show that is dealing in statistics. Yes, statistically risks go up over 35, which puts me at higher risk of abnormalities too (I'm 37), and it's something I am always considering, but I have to put it out of my mind until I need to worry about it. If we spent our lives worrying about statistics of this and that happening we'd never get in a car, or cross a road, or step outside the house. For us ladies here, statistics are not our friends anyway - we beat pretty horrible odds by having 2nd tri losses, which are statistically very rare. I think we have to ignore statistics and go with our hearts here, and believe that we will be ok. Plenty of women have babies in their 40s and everything is ok. Remember, you carried Ava in your 40s, and she didn't have DS, and neither did my Thomas. It was some other accident of nature that made what happened happen, and not an age thing. It will be ok this time. :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

Hellylou said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> Did anyone watch Dr. Oz today? My God I am so depressed now :cry::cry:
> They basically said women over 40 should not have kids cause we have so many risk factors. It made me think maybe I should not try. What if I do get pregnant and something goes wrong :cry::cry: I will be responsible for bringing a life into this world and then ending it? The risk of DS is so high and other abnormalities .. I was crying through the whole show.. :cry::cry::cry::cry:
> 
> Andrea, I hate to think of you being so upset over a TV show that is dealing in statistics. Yes, statistically risks go up over 35, which puts me at higher risk of abnormalities too (I'm 37), and it's something I am always considering, but I have to put it out of my mind until I need to worry about it. If we spent our lives worrying about statistics of this and that happening we'd never get in a car, or cross a road, or step outside the house. For us ladies here, statistics are not our friends anyway - we beat pretty horrible odds by having 2nd tri losses, which are statistically very rare. I think we have to ignore statistics and go with our hearts here, and believe that we will be ok. Plenty of women have babies in their 40s and everything is ok. Remember, you carried Ava in your 40s, and she didn't have DS, and neither did my Thomas. It was some other accident of nature that made what happened happen, and not an age thing. It will be ok this time. :hugs:Click to expand...

:cry::cry::cry::cry: WHY did I watch that stupid show? It got me so depressed and I was crying all day yesterday. We were supposed to go out for dinner and I couldn't even go :cry::cry:
This one doctor was attacking all the doctors saying get back to medicine and be honest and tell these women they are at risk and should not be having babies past 32 :shrug::shrug: 32?????????????? I couldn't believe she said that. I realize it is only her opinion and then she said do woman know at 45 their risk of DS is 1 in 12 :cry::cry: I said OMG to myself. I got so scared and thought what if I bring another life into this world and something happens. I have high blood pressure I take medication for .I have a thyroid condition, I take synthroid for and now my triglycerides are sky high and I have no idea why? All my tests were fine except that . I have to go to the doctor Tuesday and find out why they are so high, I lost weight you would think they would be normal. I have so many problems that could interfere with the baby and I just don't know if I should risk it. I know my Thyroid is ok and that medication wont harm the baby, but it has to be monitored throughout my pregnancy and high blood pressure can cause me problems. now my tests came out great ( Metabolic panel ) except for high triglycerides and I have no idea what is going on. 
I am very confused :cry::cry::cry::cry: I just don't know what to do anymore..
XOOOXOXOOXOXOXO Thanks Helen...:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

awe andrea hun dont be upset! what a silly subject... my mother was 37 when she had me and 40 when she had my broter both us and her were and are perfectly healthy. and she's the most amazing mother ever!we never felt she was old or that she wasnt energetic with us etc so thats a load off bull!! 
we all know theres huge risk in every pregnancy but i was 24 when i lost Lily so age couldnt have be that huge of a deal and id love to tell these doctors that!!. if all your tests came back normal hun i really dont see why you should have any problems with your little rainbow!!! dont listen to them pet, just have faith that WHEN you get pregnant you will be so well taken care of and obviously be on your folic acid etc so you'll be giving yourself the best opportunity at being healthy.
you're an amazing mother and the little one god picks to send to you will be the luckiest little boy/girl ever!!!!!! xxxxxxxxx


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## kiki04

My mom and a coworker had babies at 38... both perfectly healthy kids :hugs:


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## kiki04

Holy sheep ladies! Look at my tests yesterday and today.... I had increased CM but I normally dont ovulate until cd17-20. Last cycle was all crazy but I hoped this one will be normal. I also dont normally start my opk's this early due to my normal late OV.... but I have been desperate to POAS so I started yesterday, had a line, then today a darker line and it is almost positive!!! I am only on cd11 right now....

https://i43.tinypic.com/iqim45.jpg


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## FngrsCrossed

Hellooooo lovely and beautiful ladies!!! :flower:

I hope all of you are doing extremely well today. :cloud9: Just thought I would pop in here and see what all of the chatter is about. and from the looks of how many pages this thread is, it must be a happening little spot.

Thanks for the link and invite Bride2b...


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## FngrsCrossed

Andypanda6570 said:


> Hellylou said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> Did anyone watch Dr. Oz today? My God I am so depressed now :cry::cry:
> They basically said women over 40 should not have kids cause we have so many risk factors. It made me think maybe I should not try. What if I do get pregnant and something goes wrong :cry::cry: I will be responsible for bringing a life into this world and then ending it? The risk of DS is so high and other abnormalities .. I was crying through the whole show.. :cry::cry::cry::cry:
> 
> Andrea, I hate to think of you being so upset over a TV show that is dealing in statistics. Yes, statistically risks go up over 35, which puts me at higher risk of abnormalities too (I'm 37), and it's something I am always considering, but I have to put it out of my mind until I need to worry about it. If we spent our lives worrying about statistics of this and that happening we'd never get in a car, or cross a road, or step outside the house. For us ladies here, statistics are not our friends anyway - we beat pretty horrible odds by having 2nd tri losses, which are statistically very rare. I think we have to ignore statistics and go with our hearts here, and believe that we will be ok. Plenty of women have babies in their 40s and everything is ok. Remember, you carried Ava in your 40s, and she didn't have DS, and neither did my Thomas. It was some other accident of nature that made what happened happen, and not an age thing. It will be ok this time. :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> :cry::cry::cry::cry: WHY did I watch that stupid show? It got me so depressed and I was crying all day yesterday. We were supposed to go out for dinner and I couldn't even go :cry::cry:
> This one doctor was attacking all the doctors saying get back to medicine and be honest and tell these women they are at risk and should not be having babies past 32 :shrug::shrug: 32?????????????? I couldn't believe she said that. I realize it is only her opinion and then she said do woman know at 45 their risk of DS is 1 in 12 :cry::cry: I said OMG to myself. I got so scared and thought what if I bring another life into this world and something happens. I have high blood pressure I take medication for .I have a thyroid condition, I take synthroid for and now my triglycerides are sky high and I have no idea why? All my tests were fine except that . I have to go to the doctor Tuesday and find out why they are so high, I lost weight you would think they would be normal. I have so many problems that could interfere with the baby and I just don't know if I should risk it. I know my Thyroid is ok and that medication wont harm the baby, but it has to be monitored throughout my pregnancy and high blood pressure can cause me problems. now my tests came out great ( Metabolic panel ) except for high triglycerides and I have no idea what is going on.
> I am very confused :cry::cry::cry::cry: I just don't know what to do anymore..
> XOOOXOXOOXOXOXO Thanks Helen...:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...



Andrea I wouldn't fret at all. My mother was 42 when she had my little sister, who is now 12! If 32 if the baby cut-off then I am over the limit too. I am 33 and 34 is knocking at the door! I don't think that Dr. has too much validity with the 32 year old baby cut-off, individual people have individual problems and some people have none at all. 

I know that I don't have to tell any of your ladies that are 30 or older why we wait, or why we space kids out. I was 20 when I had my oldest 24 for the second and 28 for the third...32 when I got pregnant with my angel baby...I have enjoyed my children and their milestones, I spaced them on purpose! To give them the chance to be "the baby" for a while. Not to mention 30+ is more stable, financially, mentally and physically. 

If you 30+ ladies are like me then you aren't the party girl and are done with all of the fun nonsense of the 20's. even though I had Tyler and Hailey in the 20's I still had time to do things and enjoy being in the 20's. No I didn't get to travel the world, but I don't care I am scared to fly.

So I wouldn't pay Dr. such-n-such any mind. I am sure if she wanted to have a baby late in age she wouldn't think twice about it. :hugs:


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## Kelly9

I wouldn't let the tv bother you either. I'm not in my 30's yet but I know lots of women who've had healthy babies in and around 40. If you want another child and you have the love to give that child then what a doctor on tv says shouldn't matter. I always thought I'd have my three kids by 30 and unless I get twins for my rainbow it's not going to happen, I've accepted it and I'm ok with it so long as I'm blessed with all the kids I want.


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## Andypanda6570

Thanks :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
All of you are so wonderful. I am ok now I don't know why I got so upset .
I went to Ava's grave before and I just sat there and cried my eyes out :cry:
I miss her so much . I asked her to please give me strength and to please look after her brothers. I just wish things were different. I should be buying her girly things . I wanted that mother /daughter relationship so bad :cry::cry::cry:
I don't know why this has been taken from me, maybe one day I will get my answer. Love U All.XOXOXOOX


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## FngrsCrossed

Andypanda6570 said:


> Thanks :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> All of you are so wonderful. I am ok now I don't know why I got so upset .
> I went to Ava's grave before and I just sat there and cried my eyes out :cry:
> I miss her so much . I asked her to please give me strength and to please look after her brothers. I just wish things were different. I should be buying her girly things . I wanted that mother /daughter relationship so bad :cry::cry::cry:
> I don't know why this has been taken from me, maybe one day I will get my answer. Love U All.XOXOXOOX



:cry: It's just not a good day for you dear...and to be expected. Here is a :hugs: for you, and squeeze with it.


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## FngrsCrossed

I am in dying need of some help here...I had my little Angel baby in Nov. on th 7th, Had a full period on the 11th of Dec. (5 days), Then again on the 8th of Jan (4 days). Alllll normal periods, scouts honor. Well I started spotting on the 26th of Jan. Now on the 28th this is looking like an all out PERIOD!!! My period wasn't due til the 4th of FEB!!! I started spotting 9 days before time?!?! REALLLY?!?! I thought IB but it can't be it looks like a period now. What in heavens is going on? Why 2 periods in one month? (blah) 

I get to have a period before my due period, and this period is going to come and go before the real star period shows up?! HELP! I have an imposter AF!!!


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## Andypanda6570

I don't know what that could be. Maybe your cycles are changing I know mine have. I used to be every 35 days, that is why with all my pregnancies (Except Ava) I didn't know I was pregnant cause I am always so late. Now after my third son in 2000 I got to every 30 days and just 2 years ago i am every 26 days. I think our bodies just change over time and after you have a baby things change also. See what happens and then go from there, if you really feel something is not right see the doctor. What is happening with you is not unusual it does happen. Hope you get everything sorted..
xoxoxox:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

I was getting periods every 11-19 days after getting my cycle back from having my son. I know my irregularities were from bfing though. I wouldn't freak out or be alarmed unless you keep getting them every 2-3 weeks for a while. Sometimes our bodies just do weird things. 

So how long will it take the hcg to leave my body after a second tri loss? I got a barely positive on an opk today when I did one. My temp has fallen a lot and was 36.28 for those who temp. I'm just wondering if it's remaining hcg or my body fighting to ovulate. I know a lot of you said you got our periods back about 5 weeks after delivery so that's why I'm wondering.


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## blav

Blah...feel like I'm out this month because I've been wanting to eat everything in sight and have had several bm's today (usually signs of AF). I know it's not over til it's over but :growlmad:

Tomorrow makes 3 months since we lost Mateo :cry: I can't believe I would be 8 months along at this point. Ugh...hard day :cry::cry:


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## feeble

I bled for 3 weeks after i lost my angel, then i had a period 2 weeks later (v light) and after that my hormones went back to 0 (i know that because of doing OPKs and HPTs 

then i had ANOTHER period 2 weeks after that which was a much more period like period, so i clearly didnt ovulate inbetween 

then i had a proper cycle and fell pregnant.


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## Bride2b

kiki04 said:


> Holy sheep ladies! Look at my tests yesterday and today.... I had increased CM but I normally dont ovulate until cd17-20. Last cycle was all crazy but I hoped this one will be normal. I also dont normally start my opk's this early due to my normal late OV.... but I have been desperate to POAS so I started yesterday, had a line, then today a darker line and it is almost positive!!! I am only on cd11 right now....
> 
> https://i43.tinypic.com/iqim45.jpg

WOOO HOOO Krissy! Bloody lucky you tested then, how odd that its happening alot earlier, that mega cycle has made your body go mad! But the good thing is there is OV happening! :sex::spermy::dust:


----------



## Bride2b

FngrsCrossed said:


> I am in dying need of some help here...I had my little Angel baby in Nov. on th 7th, Had a full period on the 11th of Dec. (5 days), Then again on the 8th of Jan (4 days). Alllll normal periods, scouts honor. Well I started spotting on the 26th of Jan. Now on the 28th this is looking like an all out PERIOD!!! My period wasn't due til the 4th of FEB!!! I started spotting 9 days before time?!?! REALLLY?!?! I thought IB but it can't be it looks like a period now. What in heavens is going on? Why 2 periods in one month? (blah)
> 
> I get to have a period before my due period, and this period is going to come and go before the real star period shows up?! HELP! I have an imposter AF!!!

I think post baby / loss / mc our bodies dont always play ball, so I would say its just playing you up. I dont think for the first few cycles we can expect anything 'normal' if we do then thats a bonus. I think thats how I am going to look at it xxx


----------



## Bride2b

blav said:


> Blah...feel like I'm out this month because I've been wanting to eat everything in sight and have had several bm's today (usually signs of AF). I know it's not over til it's over but :growlmad:
> 
> Tomorrow makes 3 months since we lost Mateo :cry: I can't believe I would be 8 months along at this point. Ugh...hard day :cry::cry:

Its not over until the fat lady sings Britney! Keeping everything crossed xxxx

I hate the 'month' markers, I hope your ok xxx Its so crap knowing that you sould be 8 months & should be getting all exited about LO arriving soon. Its just not fair :hugs:


----------



## jojo23

ok girls if this baby doesnt start kicking soon im gonna end up crazy lol! im on a mission to get him/her moving more so any tips greatly appreciated lol!

i dunno im up and down like a yo yo!!! one minute im fine and staying positive and then next im crying my eyes out. i dont really feel very pregnant atm... just tired and i wish i had a bigger bump lol the one and only time i want a fatty belly haha... people are looking at me a little funny n not sure whether to ask or not. i wanna be like hey here's my bump there you go yep im pregnant!

sorry girls lil rant lol xxxxxxxxxx


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## Bride2b

Andrea please dont let some TV show upset you sweetie :hugs: Most TV shows are put on to cause controversy & points for people to agree & disagree with....thats entertainment. I dont think some of these TV stations actually even consider how sensitive some of these issues are to the people watching their shows. So many women have babies at a later age now, yes there are some risks but many babies are born healthy xxxx Follow your heart :kiss:

There was a woman on 'One born every minute' this week who already had 4 kids (3 girls & a boy) she was only 27, and she was expecting her 5th. She pissed me off. She wasnt planning her pregnancy & seemed in two minds about the pregnancy as she didnt want anymore kids. Anyway she wanted another boy and really didnt want a girl. She openly said she would be disappointed if its a girl & her face will show she is. I was so bloody annoyed with her. Be flipping happy that you have a healthy baby, who cares if its a boy or a girl. I just though so many of us would give our right arm to be in her position. I would have thought a mother who has children would realise the miracle of it all and be pleased the baby is healthy regardless of its sex.
I did want a girl when I was pregnant before, only because I can identify with girls more. But I have to say I wasnt one bit disappointed that Bertie was a boy, he was my baby & I love him just as much as I would have loved a girl. Next time round I just dont care, I just want to take home a healthy baby xx

AFM: Looks like my chart says I OV'd Weds, even thought the OPK was negative. I think there was a very very very weak line but took ages to develop. I think this is negative though. I dont know much about these ICs. But I am sure I didnt OV this month.

Still havent managed to collect Berties ashes - OH hasnt been able to get off work early, so we've not managed to get there. He promises we will go tomorrow. I'm supposed to be back at work next Mon. But all this has just dragged on so much that I dont feel like I have been able to move on as in my opinion Bertie hasnt been laid to rest in the place he will be forever. I dont even know when the cemetary will be able to put him with OHs dad, I just cant go back while all this is happening. Its 9 weeks tomorrow. I think people think I should b over it all by now, but how can I be if we havent completed all the things to put him at rest. I am now really scared again that my doctor wont sign me off. I need time to finally take it all in without worrying that we havent had phone calls to arrange stuff. :growlmad:


----------



## Bride2b

jojo23 said:


> ok girls if this baby doesnt start kicking soon im gonna end up crazy lol! im on a mission to get him/her moving more so any tips greatly appreciated lol!
> 
> i dunno im up and down like a yo yo!!! one minute im fine and staying positive and then next im crying my eyes out. i dont really feel very pregnant atm... just tired and i wish i had a bigger bump lol the one and only time i want a fatty belly haha... people are looking at me a little funny n not sure whether to ask or not. i wanna be like hey here's my bump there you go yep im pregnant!
> 
> sorry girls lil rant lol xxxxxxxxxx

Oh bless you Jo, I felt a bit like that, people who knew I was pregnant were like 'you have no bump' 'I look more pregnant than you,' it really pissed me off as I wanted to start looking pregnant as then it feels real. With my clothes off my shape had changed but with clothes on it really disguised any teeny bump I had. Not that I was going to start walking around naked!:blush:
Can you get LO to start moving by having a sugar rush? Eat loads of sweets or chocolate? When I first got scanned (after I had a bleed) she told me to eat something sugary for my 12 weeks scan to get baby to move around a bit as he was just sleeping and not moving around.


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## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> ok girls if this baby doesnt start kicking soon im gonna end up crazy lol! im on a mission to get him/her moving more so any tips greatly appreciated lol!
> 
> i dunno im up and down like a yo yo!!! one minute im fine and staying positive and then next im crying my eyes out. i dont really feel very pregnant atm... just tired and i wish i had a bigger bump lol the one and only time i want a fatty belly haha... people are looking at me a little funny n not sure whether to ask or not. i wanna be like hey here's my bump there you go yep im pregnant!
> 
> sorry girls lil rant lol xxxxxxxxxx

Is your little monkey still refusing to do as mummy asks? naughty!
I've heard people suggest cold things or sugar, or both! like maybe cold fruit juice or sweets. Jelly beans used to get the twins moving, lol. 
I was just saying to hubby the other day that this one kicks about the most when I have indigestion after eating and trapped wind (tmi lol). It's definately the baby moving, maybe my bloated belly gives it less space or something! Not that you want to try and give yourself indigestion! Have you tried playing music, that used to get the twins going too? when I was 19 weeks with them I was at a friends house for a 'take that' night (we had tickets to see them in the summer) and she had the concert DVD on really loud and they were going nuts! That was probably the most I ever felt them move.
Other than that I usually find either lying flat on my bed, or when I'm bent over at my desk at work is when I feel the most movement.
Let us know how it goes and try not to worry xxxx


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## Bride2b

mhazzab said:


> when I was 19 weeks with them I was at a friends house for a 'take that' night (we had tickets to see them in the summer) and she had the concert DVD on really loud and they were going nuts! That was probably the most I ever felt them move.

:happydance: I brought the DVD after seeing them in concert last summer & I really felt Bertie kick! I think he was a Take That fan like his mummy! Sounds like your twins had good taste too!:winkwink: I took OH to see the Red Hot Chilli Peppers 10 days before we lost Bertie & he didnt like them! I didnt really feel him move but I brought the Take That DVD a few days later & he danced about!! OH wasnt impressed with his taste in music!xx

I cant believe your 18 weeks already!! Wow, hope you are really well xx


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## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> when I was 19 weeks with them I was at a friends house for a 'take that' night (we had tickets to see them in the summer) and she had the concert DVD on really loud and they were going nuts! That was probably the most I ever felt them move.
> 
> :happydance: I brought the DVD after seeing them in concert last summer & I really felt Bertie kick! I think he was a Take That fan like his mummy! Sounds like your twins had good taste too!:winkwink: I took OH to see the Red Hot Chilli Peppers 10 days before we lost Bertie & he didnt like them! I didnt really feel him move but I brought the Take That DVD a few days later & he danced about!! OH wasnt impressed with his taste in music!xx
> 
> I cant believe your 18 weeks already!! Wow, hope you are really well xxClick to expand...

Lol I love Take That was delighted when they reformed. Have been to all their tours this time around apart from the last, I gave birth to the twins three days before the concert. :( I was also supposed to see Bon Jovi the day before Take That. Grrr. I suppose it could have been worse, I could have been away from home and at the concert when things went wrong. Sigh. My friend bought me the DVD, I might try listening to it and see what this baby thinks! 
Yeah I can't believe I am almost 19 weeks either but still time is not going fast enough. I'll be a lot happier when I get past 23 weeks. Feeling quite positive at the moment though, hope it lasts.

How are you doing? Xx


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## Andypanda6570

blav said:


> Blah...feel like I'm out this month because I've been wanting to eat everything in sight and have had several bm's today (usually signs of AF). I know it's not over til it's over but :growlmad:
> 
> Tomorrow makes 3 months since we lost Mateo :cry: I can't believe I would be 8 months along at this point. Ugh...hard day :cry::cry:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: It aint over till it's over..xoxoox




Bride2b said:


> Andrea please dont let some TV show upset you sweetie :hugs: Most TV shows are put on to cause controversy & points for people to agree & disagree with....thats entertainment. I dont think some of these TV stations actually even consider how sensitive some of these issues are to the people watching their shows. So many women have babies at a later age now, yes there are some risks but many babies are born healthy xxxx Follow your heart :kiss:
> 
> There was a woman on 'One born every minute' this week who already had 4 kids (3 girls & a boy) she was only 27, and she was expecting her 5th. She pissed me off. She wasnt planning her pregnancy & seemed in two minds about the pregnancy as she didnt want anymore kids. Anyway she wanted another boy and really didnt want a girl. She openly said she would be disappointed if its a girl & her face will show she is. I was so bloody annoyed with her. Be flipping happy that you have a healthy baby, who cares if its a boy or a girl. I just though so many of us would give our right arm to be in her position. I would have thought a mother who has children would realise the miracle of it all and be pleased the baby is healthy regardless of its sex.
> I did want a girl when I was pregnant before, only because I can identify with girls more. But I have to say I wasnt one bit disappointed that Bertie was a boy, he was my baby & I love him just as much as I would have loved a girl. Next time round I just dont care, I just want to take home a healthy baby xx
> 
> AFM: Looks like my chart says I OV'd Weds, even thought the OPK was negative. I think there was a very very very weak line but took ages to develop. I think this is negative though. I dont know much about these ICs. But I am sure I didnt OV this month.
> 
> Still havent managed to collect Berties ashes - OH hasnt been able to get off work early, so we've not managed to get there. He promises we will go tomorrow. I'm supposed to be back at work next Mon. But all this has just dragged on so much that I dont feel like I have been able to move on as in my opinion Bertie hasnt been laid to rest in the place he will be forever. I dont even know when the cemetary will be able to put him with OHs dad, I just cant go back while all this is happening. Its 9 weeks tomorrow. I think people think I should b over it all by now, but how can I be if we havent completed all the things to put him at rest. I am now really scared again that my doctor wont sign me off. I need time to finally take it all in without worrying that we havent had phone calls to arrange stuff. :growlmad:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I thought about it and you are right. I am ok now, it just really made me upset. I can't believe they say things like that.:cry::cry: Then I started to cry cause this girl who was young got up and said nobody has the right to tell any woman she should not have a baby and she was crying. I thought look at this girl not a doctor and so young and she makes the most sense. She just was so passionate and so honest. 
So instead of me taking negative things from that show I will just focus on the positive. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

thanks girls! ill try a bit of everything today and see if LO co-operates. the evening seems to be the best time for me... im feeling little waves but thats about it so im starting to think maybe my placenta is anterior. i dunno are you more likely to have it again if you've had it in a pregnancy already! i wish i could hibernate for the next 4 months and just wake up when baby is ready to come out lol xxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> thanks girls! ill try a bit of everything today and see if LO co-operates. the evening seems to be the best time for me... im feeling little waves but thats about it so im starting to think maybe my placenta is anterior. i dunno are you more likely to have it again if you've had it in a pregnancy already! i wish i could hibernate for the next 4 months and just wake up when baby is ready to come out lol xxxxxxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Everything will be ok, Jo. I can't believe how fast it is going :happydance::happydance::happydance:
Only 4 months to go and we will see your beautiful little miracle. Hey, did I ever ask if you were finding out the gender?If you are you better tell me or I will have to make a trip ot Ireland :growlmad: :haha::haha::haha:
I love ya girlie!!! XOXOXOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Bride2b

I think it was a good job you were close to home when it happened & not at a concert! I'm so pleased there is a fellow Take That fan! I've seen them every tour since they reformed. I saw them twice this year, once last time & three times in their first tour when they reformed. I even got to kiss Howard!!! I went CRAZY :haha:!!
I hope your little rainbow has good taste!xx

I'm ok, just waiting for 'closure' in terms of properly laying Bertie to rest & dont feel like I can really breathe until this happens. I have been very up and down. I've started reflexology to release some stress & she is going to start working on my 'reproductive' system to help the TTC process along a bit. I hope to start TTC next month & really hope we are lucky. Going to do everything I can to help it to happen xx


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## Bride2b

Jo I had an anterior placenta & didnt feel that much movement if that makes you more at ease. I felt waves as you describe, mainly when I was in bed at night & I could see my belly rolling on the side where he was laying. Soon you'll be cursing LO for keeping you awake & kicking you in the ribs! xx

Andrea - glad your feeling better hun xxxx


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## jojo23

LOL Andrea, yeah i think im gonna find out just because it will be so much easier for us to be organised... ill def be letting you girls know :) im not very religious but i swear ive been saying more prayers these last few weeks than i have in my whole life lol!!! 

a woman was in with me yesterday getting her hair done and was telling me her niece unfortunately gave birth the other day but there was an accident withthe cord and th baby was stillborn. i felt so sorry for her and really felt i could give her good advice having lost Lily. i also gave her the name of the website i got Lilys memorial candles and necklace from. she phoned me today to say thanks so much she ordered some amazing things for her niece and really felt she could give her comfort after speaking to me.

i just thought to myself how a few small words from someone who knows what your going through can make a huge difference and comfort us when we really need it! xxxxxxx


----------



## FngrsCrossed

Andypanda6570 said:


> I don't know what that could be. Maybe your cycles are changing I know mine have. I used to be every 35 days, that is why with all my pregnancies (Except Ava) I didn't know I was pregnant cause I am always so late. Now after my third son in 2000 I got to every 30 days and just 2 years ago i am every 26 days. I think our bodies just change over time and after you have a baby things change also. See what happens and then go from there, if you really feel something is not right see the doctor. What is happening with you is not unusual it does happen. Hope you get everything sorted..
> xoxoxox:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:



Thanks Andypanda...I think my old AF quit her job and sent in a replacement. :rofl: Unfortunately this :witch: wanted to make a good impression and show up early!!! :rofl::rofl::rofl: I am quite sure she is working for the :devil:, because she has now reset my cycle average on FF to 26 days!! :rofl: This is too funny :haha:I am definately, in the words of Tampax, having a "happy period". I have DH getting me OPk's this morning before he gets home from work. So at least I get to :sex: with a mission sooner than I was, without having to wait the 2ww out the whole way!!!:yipee: My 2ww is overrrrrr!!!


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## Kelly9

So I think I'm ovulating?!? I did an opk yesterday and it was positive just barely then today I did a pregnancy test to see if it was HCG but it's clearly negative. I'll do another opk today and see what it says. My temps are low, not as low as they would be in a regular cycle but low enough to be pre ov for me. My first period after it coming back from having my son, I ovulated then the witch showed 4 days later so if i get a temp rise in the next day or so I will be armed and ready just in case. The sooner the better cause I'll get to call the fertility clinic sooner. Did any of you use tampons with your first period after the post partum bleeding?


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## FngrsCrossed

Kelly9 said:


> I was getting periods every 11-19 days after getting my cycle back from having my son. I know my irregularities were from bfing though. I wouldn't freak out or be alarmed unless you keep getting them every 2-3 weeks for a while. Sometimes our bodies just do weird things.
> 
> So how long will it take the hcg to leave my body after a second tri loss? I got a barely positive on an opk today when I did one. My temp has fallen a lot and was 36.28 for those who temp. I'm just wondering if it's remaining hcg or my body fighting to ovulate. I know a lot of you said you got our periods back about 5 weeks after delivery so that's why I'm wondering.


Hmmm, that is a good question. I cant' say exactly, all I know is I took and hpt a month after the baby was born and it was negative. Doesn't it go by how late in the second tri the loss was? The later the loss the more the HCg has built up over time...I think that's the way it goes. Or it could be dependant on how your system works with flushing it. I would guess the if it could double every few days to built up then it certainly can do the same to come back down.

If your opk is looking positive then you might be getting ready to OV, your temp is pretty low you may be getting a little dip before you ovulate. I did that on my before I preggers...That was on my April chart and I was just coming off of Mirena. I thought it was a neat little pre-ovualtion spoiler. All I can think is keep a watchful eye for a couple more days to see if thats whats happening. How PP are you again?


----------



## FngrsCrossed

blav said:


> Blah...feel like I'm out this month because I've been wanting to eat everything in sight and have had several bm's today (usually signs of AF). I know it's not over til it's over but :growlmad:
> 
> Tomorrow makes 3 months since we lost Mateo :cry: I can't believe I would be 8 months along at this point. Ugh...hard day :cry::cry:

Awe :hugs:, It's not ever til the ugly :witch: flies!!! I am so sorry for your loss :cry:, it gets that way as the milestones pass. I hope you feel better before long :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## FngrsCrossed

Bride2b said:


> FngrsCrossed said:
> 
> 
> I am in dying need of some help here...I had my little Angel baby in Nov. on th 7th, Had a full period on the 11th of Dec. (5 days), Then again on the 8th of Jan (4 days). Alllll normal periods, scouts honor. Well I started spotting on the 26th of Jan. Now on the 28th this is looking like an all out PERIOD!!! My period wasn't due til the 4th of FEB!!! I started spotting 9 days before time?!?! REALLLY?!?! I thought IB but it can't be it looks like a period now. What in heavens is going on? Why 2 periods in one month? (blah)
> 
> I get to have a period before my due period, and this period is going to come and go before the real star period shows up?! HELP! I have an imposter AF!!!
> 
> I think post baby / loss / mc our bodies dont always play ball, so I would say its just playing you up. I dont think for the first few cycles we can expect anything 'normal' if we do then thats a bonus. I think thats how I am going to look at it xxxClick to expand...


I don't usually fall for pranks, but I must admit this prank was by far the best one yet!!! Only the :witch: can get me :rofl:. I am also thinking that my body is just adjusting and trying to get back in the game. Everything looked "normal" on the outside these past few cycles. Who knows I am probably getting ready to truly ovulate this cycle and FEB. may be our month. just in time for DH's birthday!!!!


----------



## FngrsCrossed

jojo23 said:


> ok girls if this baby doesnt start kicking soon im gonna end up crazy lol! im on a mission to get him/her moving more so any tips greatly appreciated lol!
> 
> i dunno im up and down like a yo yo!!! one minute im fine and staying positive and then next im crying my eyes out. i dont really feel very pregnant atm... just tired and i wish i had a bigger bump lol the one and only time i want a fatty belly haha... people are looking at me a little funny n not sure whether to ask or not. i wanna be like hey here's my bump there you go yep im pregnant!
> 
> sorry girls lil rant lol xxxxxxxxxx




A glass of Orange juice and laying on your left side for an hour. You could always let your Dr. know and they can put you on the monitor. And they do have monitors that can be taken home also....Hope that helps.


----------



## jojo23

thanks hun, i have a doctors app this week so ill mention it to them and see what they say... also just wanted to say with your AF i was the same i had 2 totally normal cycles after losing Lily and then all of a sudden they went crazy and i ended up with really long cycles in the end but once i kept track of them i found it was fine and i still got pregnant so heres hoping feb is your month xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## OliveBay

FngrsCrossed said:


> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> I was getting periods every 11-19 days after getting my cycle back from having my son. I know my irregularities were from bfing though. I wouldn't freak out or be alarmed unless you keep getting them every 2-3 weeks for a while. Sometimes our bodies just do weird things.
> 
> So how long will it take the hcg to leave my body after a second tri loss? I got a barely positive on an opk today when I did one. My temp has fallen a lot and was 36.28 for those who temp. I'm just wondering if it's remaining hcg or my body fighting to ovulate. I know a lot of you said you got our periods back about 5 weeks after delivery so that's why I'm wondering.
> 
> 
> Hmmm, that is a good question. I cant' say exactly, all I know is I took and hpt a month after the baby was born and it was negative. Doesn't it go by how late in the second tri the loss was? The later the loss the more the HCg has built up over time...I think that's the way it goes. Or it could be dependant on how your system works with flushing it. I would guess the if it could double every few days to built up then it certainly can do the same to come back down.
> 
> If your opk is looking positive then you might be getting ready to OV, your temp is pretty low you may be getting a little dip before you ovulate. I did that on my before I preggers...That was on my April chart and I was just coming off of Mirena. I thought it was a neat little pre-ovualtion spoiler. All I can think is keep a watchful eye for a couple more days to see if thats whats happening. How PP are you again?Click to expand...

I'm sure I remember reading in one of my books that HCG levels drop significantly after 13 weeks of pregnancy, rather than continuing to go up throughout the whole pregnancy. This might mean that your level goes down quicker after a second trimester loss in comparison to if you had experienced a loss in the first trimester, but thats just my logic and I could be totally wrong about that! I never thought to do a pregnancy test after my loss - it didn't even occur to me. I just started using opks a couple of months later when we started TTC again and my first few were bright white, so my HCG must have gone down by then.


----------



## Kelly9

Fngrscrossed, by PP do you mean how far post partum am I? If thats what you meant it's been 16 days since I delivered Hannah. If I am ovulating I don't know if I want to have sex or not. I don't know if I'm ready but the idea of "wasting" a perfectly good egg bothers me because DH and I did IVF/ICSI and it's unlikely we'd conceive naturally so a part of me feels like we shouldn't waste an egg incase it was meant to be. My son was a miracle, we were suppose to start IVF the next month but my period never came and then I had him so I know it's possible no matter how unlikely. We beat pretty crappy odds to have him, the docs told us it would be less then a 2% chance to have a baby naturally. I don't know what to do. I went back to the pg test 20 mins later and there may have been an evap or the faintest of faint pink lines but it did not show up in the right time frame so if there is any HCG left it has to be almost gone. I think those test are 10 or 20 MIU for sensitivity.


----------



## SLCMommy

After your loss, did any of you feel the need to clean and organize your house? I've got this really weird, almost "nesting" instinct going on - except for me it's wanting to get my children's small clothes out of the house, make their bedrooms nicer, etc.... 

I don't know why I have this urge to clean and reorganize... but I just do! I am wondering if subconsciously it's about healing?


----------



## OliveBay

Oh no, my new rainbow ticker has disappeared- it was fine yesterday but this morning it was there when i tried to edit it but didn't show up in the preview or posts. Have just deleted it totally now but am too scared to make another one. I'm hoping this isn't a bad omen :nope:

I know that is a truly irrational thought but can't help feeling a bit worried- please can someone talk some sense into me?!


----------



## mhazzab

OliveBay said:


> Oh no, my new rainbow ticker has disappeared- it was fine yesterday but this morning it was there when i tried to edit it but didn't show up in the preview or posts. Have just deleted it totally now but am too scared to make another one. I'm hoping this isn't a bad omen :nope:
> 
> I know that is a truly irrational thought but can't help feeling a bit worried- please can someone talk some sense into me?!

Awww sorry Sally, stupid technology is rubbish sometimes, please dont take it as a sign. I just know you are cooking your rainbow and it's getting all snuggly and cosy right now and growing super strong. Just remember your 'pregnant 2-3' you got on the digi, that was a good sign. Are you getting an early scan by the way? Xxx


----------



## feeble

SLCMommy said:


> After your loss, did any of you feel the need to clean and organize your house? I've got this really weird, almost "nesting" instinct going on - except for me it's wanting to get my children's small clothes out of the house, make their bedrooms nicer, etc....
> 
> I don't know why I have this urge to clean and reorganize... but I just do! I am wondering if subconsciously it's about healing?

I did, but it was more to keep myself going, I had lists for everything, get up, get dressed, eat, go out for a walk, tidy lounge, tidy kitchen eat 

Literally every moment was on a list to be ticked off... 

It was the only way I knew how to survive and keep going...


----------



## feeble

Oh... Though I haven't touched the baby clothes, they are in a pile in the corner, going to wait and find out the sex of this baby before going through them all...


----------



## collie_crazy

SLC I was the complete opposite. I just wanted to hibernate and couldn't face the housework at all. I remember everything seeming so pointless. I was hoovering the stairs one day when I got really angry and thought why the hell am I doing this? Nothing matters anymore, who cares about the stairs. And I threw the Dyson down the stairs! 

But I've heard of lots of people saying similar to you. It almost like your trying to get back control of something, anything. Because losing your child you had no control over. Just do whatever you feel is best for you - :hugs:

Sally it is not a bad omen! It's more than likely just a sign that either BnB is rubbish or you are hopeless with computers :haha: please don't let it stress yourself out :hugs: 

AFM I'm getting closer to 'that day' the same gestation I was when I lost Emily. And you know I hadn't really given it much thought to start with but now that it's coming closer I'm freakin out a bit. I feel guilty and sad that this baby will make it further than she ever had the chance to :cry: I still don't feel the same love or attachment to this pregnancy as I had the last time, I guess I am still in protection mode. I don't think that will ever leave me now. I just have this horrible morbid fear that something will happen again, that I don't deserve this baby :cry: I went to the cemetery yesterday and completely lost it I was howling away hugging Emily's headstone I could barely breathe :cry: it's been a long time since I've let go like that... A long time since I e felt the need to I suppose. 

I have a scan on 'that day' and I think that's only adding to my anxiety. I am happy we are being closely monitored by I feel my anxiety levels reach the sky everytime we have a scan appointment closing in. Scans are not a happy time for me. 

Sorry for bringing my worries here girls


----------



## jojo23

awe hun i have my scan on the same day as i lost Lily as well!!! its kinda odd isnt it, i was gonna change it but then everyone kept teeling me maybe it was a sign that she's gonna be there looking after her lil brother/sister :)

have to vent for a sec girls.... my OH's grandmother and grandfather didnt know about me being pregnant, we kept it from them because they are elderly and when i lost Lily his grandfather (who has bad health due to a stroke a few years ago) was very down and out for a few months afterwards as she would have been his first great-grandchild and he is extremely fond of my OH. 
so we decided it would be better to keep it from them until after our 20 week scan. well his cousin who i already dislike decided she would like to be the one to tell them our good news and now they are so annoyed and upset with us for not telling them. we've explained our reasons for it etc but i think they are hurt that we didnt feel we could share the news!

im just so annoyed that she felt she had the right to tell them, she's like this all the time!!im nervous enough this time and havent told loads of people just because last time with Lily i had people coming up to me for months after asking me when was i due!i didnt want that this time so i figured i just would tell my close friends family etc! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr


----------



## Bride2b

Sally - its not an omen, just those tickers are really crap to get working sometimes! Keep your chin up, this rainbow will be in your arms in 8 months xxxxxx

Amanda - maybe you will start to feel more bonded with your rainbow after Emilys birthday passes? I think its natural to feel slightly cut off from this pregnancy emotionally as you do not want to have to go through all the pain again. I am sure the closer you get to viability the more you will relax and start to bond. I think Ive said to you before that you probably think you dont feel a connection with your rainbow, but the fact that you are guarding yourself from 'attaching' shows that you do love your LO thats growing but maybe you are too scared to feel it. Does that make sense?xx

Jo - I believe Lily will be with you that scan day, and its going to be something happy on a day where otherwise you could be lost in sadness.

AFM - We just picked up Berties ashes. I could barely keep in my tears walking to my car. I just broke down when I got in, finding it hard to even breathe. Now we have to contact the cemetary to see if we can bury him with OH dad. But we need to see if they can put him where the headstone will go as the grave is also for his mum when the time comes & I dont want him dug up in the future. I just want to finally have him at rest as I dont feel I can relax until this is done, I just feel anxious all the time. But at least we have reached another milestone today which is collecting his ashes.

FF has changed when I was supposed to have OV'd. I stopped using OPKs as thought I hadnt OV'd so who knows if I did or didnt in the end. All I know is if I did its much later that I used to.....and I told OH that I hadnt OV'd & my body is crap so it wouldnt matter if he uhemmmm when we BD. I am pretty sure I didnt & my CM hasnt been what is should be for OV.

Hows everyone else.....I see there are new ladies on the forum. I've not read their stories yet. I cant believe how many new ladies have joined, it makes me really sad to know that others are going through this too. xx

Nikki, Helen, Krissy - you all seem quite, are you all ok?xxxx


----------



## Bec C

Hi Im new. I lost my daugter last July at 21 weeks and soon hope to try again maybe early summer. Justtrying to get stronger both physically and mentally. Would be nice to meet some others as I have felt quite alone these last 6 months noone understands how it feels to be in these shoes unless they have been there personally. Its very hard every day.

Hope you are all well


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## kiki04

I'm here! I was busy renovating my basement all weekend and realised yesterday I hadnt done my homework all week!! :dohh: 

I thought I got a +opk the other day but it wasn't as my temps did not shift sooooooooo onwards and upwards I go waiting for my +opk which will be by the weekend if my body cooperates this cycle :dance: I would like to say by sunday I should be in my 2ww :dance:


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## blav

My 2ww is almost over, thank GOD! I just want to know either way!

If AF is not here on the 1st, I'll test...maybe. I've been so good about not testing early this month!


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## Bride2b

Fingers are crossed Britney xxxxxxx Your so good not testing. Do you have any signs either way yet? xx

Krissy, your so naughty for not doing your homework! Hope you get that positive OPK soon. Now you have said this about the OPK & temps would you rely on your temp more than opk as an indication of OV?x

Hi Rebecca xx


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## Kelly9

I may possibly have ovulated yesterday at 16 days post partum or cd17?!? I say may cause I got a positive opk the day before yesterday then a neg one yesterday then a temp rise this morning BUT it could be my body being wonky. So I wont believe it till I get sustained high temps and then a period at the end. I never used to Ovulate till cd17-19 and yesterday would have been cd 17 but I still find it hard to believe given whats just happened with my body. Plus my first period after having my son I ovulated then 4 days later got my period. Whats the soonest anyone got their AF after delivering? 4 weeks? 5 weeks?


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## Kelly9

Forgot to mention that we did dtd last night for the first time and as unlikely as it is that we'd get pg on a natural cycle I'm not ready to be in the tww.


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## kiki04

Bride2b said:


> Fingers are crossed Britney xxxxxxx Your so good not testing. Do you have any signs either way yet? xx
> 
> Krissy, your so naughty for not doing your homework! Hope you get that positive OPK soon. Now you have said this about the OPK & temps would you rely on your temp more than opk as an indication of OV?x
> 
> Hi Rebecca xx

I definately would rely on my temps more then an OPK but pairing the two together is even more definitive :thumbup: OPK tells you you are ABOUT to ovulate. It gets the surge just before you release an egg. Only after temps have gone up, does it indicate you actually HAVE released an egg. Look at my cycle last time... I had 3 times where my temp shot up, then very quickly shot back down, showing, I got the surge of LH that I was about to ovulate so my temp shot up, but then no egg was released, so it went back down. Only after ovulation does your body release the hormone that rises your temp and keeps it up, until AF shows :thumbup: So each one on their own is fine... but the two together are better... you get the 2 lines on your opk, then if your temp goes up, it confirms that what the 2 lines predicted was about to happen, did in fact happen! lol


----------



## kiki04

blav said:


> My 2ww is almost over, thank GOD! I just want to know either way!
> 
> If AF is not here on the 1st, I'll test...maybe. I've been so good about not testing early this month!

Oh I cant wait!!! Goodluck Britney! (seriously what is the right way to spell your name? :dohh: )



Kelly9 said:


> I may possibly have ovulated yesterday at 16 days post partum or cd17?!? I say may cause I got a positive opk the day before yesterday then a neg one yesterday then a temp rise this morning BUT it could be my body being wonky. So I wont believe it till I get sustained high temps and then a period at the end. I never used to Ovulate till cd17-19 and yesterday would have been cd 17 but I still find it hard to believe given whats just happened with my body. Plus my first period after having my son I ovulated then 4 days later got my period. Whats the soonest anyone got their AF after delivering? 4 weeks? 5 weeks?

From the day of my d&c was 41 days later when I got my first true AF. Then my next one was 36 days, then 30. My normal is 31-33 so it took a couple cycles to get back on track :thumbup:


----------



## blav

Thanks, Gemma!!! I feel like I've had signs, but I know I'm symptom spotting so I can't be sure what is real and what isn't LOL!

You got the spelling of my name perfect! There are so many ways to spell my name, it makes my head spin!


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## Bride2b

Kelly I got AF approx 5 1/2 weeks after I delivered. I think for the first few cycles its a case of keeping an eye on whats happening with your body. I used to OV between 16-18, but according to FF I either OV'd on 20 or 22 (If I OV'd at all - but now I think I may have!) Its common that cycles go wacky after. It seems like you could have ov'd. Do you temp?
xx

Krissy - I suspect I might have OV'd then based on what you say. I just stopped using opks as I thought it was getting too late. My temps shot up and are high still. Did you look at my chart. If I did OV I doubt I'd get pg as havent BD much & havent had any fertile CM. You are an expert on this, I dont know what I'd do with out you xxxx


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## Bride2b

What signs have you had?XXXXXX


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> What signs have you had?XXXXXX

My back as hurt a lot (could be other things), increased cervical mucous, it's been creamy most of the time, had an acne break out which is pretty rare for me, OH thinks bbs feel a little heavier, temps are still high, have been feeling bloated/heavy in the uterus. So many of my "symptoms" could be me overthinking it though!


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## Bride2b

Ohhhhh they sound like GOOD symptoms!!! Keeping everything crossed xxxx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Good luck Britney!! xx


----------



## OliveBay

Just a quick update from me tonight. I'm feeling more positive now after my little ticker wobbly moment this morning. I'm not even 5 weeks yet but have already got a bloated little tummy- OH thinks it is hilarious and i can't stop admiring it! Should be 5 wks on thurs so going to use my last digi then (hoping for a 3+) and will ring the midwife after that. The consultant i saw when we got all our test results said i should get a scan at 7-8 wks, so i really hope that happens.

Big love to everyone else. Keep up the good work temping so you catch those eggs.

Britney, fingers crossed for some good news soon x


----------



## Bride2b

Ah thats good news Sally xxx good bit of bloating makes you feel a little bit more pg. Only a couple of weeks to wait for your first scan then hopefully xxx


----------



## blav

Yay, Sally, that's great. I'm so glad you and OH are happy and things are going well :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I'm feeling a little crampy now I think...can't tell if CM has slowed down or if I'm just checking it so much I'm running out! I feel out this month :growlmad: On to the next...


----------



## feeble

Best of luck Sally x


----------



## OliveBay

Thanks so much ladies. Just a quick question- can anyone see my other ticker now, my original one, with my angel boy on it? It seems to have disappeared too, unless its just that my phone is being stupid for some reason. Aaargh, I'm usually pretty good with technology but today you wouldn't believe that!


----------



## blav

OliveBay said:


> Thanks so much ladies. Just a quick question- can anyone see my other ticker now, my original one, with my angel boy on it? It seems to have disappeared too, unless its just that my phone is being stupid for some reason. Aaargh, I'm usually pretty good with technology but today you wouldn't believe that!

Your angel ticker is still there :hugs:


----------



## OliveBay

Thanks Britney. I can see it again now! I blame this stupid phone then. Maybe my rainbow ticker hadn't really disappeared at all this morning and my irrational panic was all for nothing! Phew, i feel quite relieved! Deleted it off though and don't want to tempt fate by putting it back up yet. I never use to be this superstitious! I'm even considering getting a tarot reading done on one of my days off this week after being inspired by krissy's post. Right, i'm off to bed now. Night all x


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## Kelly9

I do temp, I'm quiet the pro at it now I've been doing it for a while. I got a temp increase higher then any of my other temps today to but I found another IC pg test and did it and there was the faintest of faint pink lines today so the positive opk two days ago must have been remaining HCG but then I ask why would it have been negative yesterday? If my temps stay high I'll assume I o'd but I expect them to fall tomorrow. I really don't think I've ov'd now unless it's possible to Ovulate with a minuscule amount of hcg in your system? The tests I have are like 10miu sensitivity I am sure and the one I did two days ago was neg. I'll keep temping in either case. 

I see your angel ticker still, sometimes the sites go down temporarily so our tickers may not show from time to time.


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## Kelly9

Apparently it is possible to ovulate with low HCG levels so I'll have to wait to see what my temps are doing. I hate not knowing. I'm also getting wicked cramps to, I keep expecting to pass a clot but nothing comes out, my bleeding is just spotting and has been for a few days now. I may go to docs to see if she'll run a beta hcg for me so I know where my levels are. I wish I had more pg tests, I just ordered a bunch but they won't be in for a week or so.


----------



## Andypanda6570

OliveBay said:


> Just a quick update from me tonight. I'm feeling more positive now after my little ticker wobbly moment this morning. I'm not even 5 weeks yet but have already got a bloated little tummy- OH thinks it is hilarious and i can't stop admiring it! Should be 5 wks on thurs so going to use my last digi then (hoping for a 3+) and will ring the midwife after that. The consultant i saw when we got all our test results said i should get a scan at 7-8 wks, so i really hope that happens.
> 
> Big love to everyone else. Keep up the good work temping so you catch those eggs.
> 
> Britney, fingers crossed for some good news soon x

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: SOooo excited for you Sally! I had really really bad bloating till i was like 16 weeks, it was awful and I only had it with Ava. I just knew she was a girl.. :hugs::hugs::hugs:
SO happy everything is going great for you, it makes me so happy to read all these posts..XOOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

Nikki hun thinking of you and your little angels today xxxxxx sending you sooo much love


----------



## SLCMommy

Question ladies - I am now starting to feel bitter towards anyone who is all smiley about her pregnancy. I especially can't stand the woman who post pictures of their belly or brag about their upcoming anatomy ultrasounds. Now, don't get me wrong... it's not that I don't want them to be happy for their pregnancy, because, of course I do! And, it really isn't anything personal to the woman.... I feel bitter because I am upset my much-so desired, wanted and loved pregnancy ended in such a heartbreaking experience. Is it normal to feel a little bitter? Did any of you feel that way?


----------



## Bride2b

SLCMommy said:


> Question ladies - I am now starting to feel bitter towards anyone who is all smiley about her pregnancy. I especially can't stand the woman who post pictures of their belly or brag about their upcoming anatomy ultrasounds. Now, don't get me wrong... it's not that I don't want them to be happy for their pregnancy, because, of course I do! And, it really isn't anything personal to the woman.... I feel bitter because I am upset my much-so desired, wanted and loved pregnancy ended in such a heartbreaking experience. Is it normal to feel a little bitter? Did any of you feel that way?

I posted something similar last night and called the thread "Does anyone else do this?" Basically I wondered if anyone else looked at pregnancy pictures in the bump sections of the 2nd & 3rd tri threads & also at preggo friends of Facebook. I hate seeing preggo ladies as like you t makes me feel like shit basically but I havent been able to help myself. Yes I am happy for them, who am I to take that away - most probably wouldnt even think twice that some of us dont have quite as happy pregnancies - it just would occur, and they dont post pictures to make us feel shit, they are happy. But I am totally jealous too & feel horrible for it!


----------



## Bride2b

jojo23 said:


> Nikki hun thinking of you and your little angels today xxxxxx sending you sooo much love

Oh I didnt realise today was the day xxx sending big hugs Nikki xxxx
:hugs: :kiss: :hugs: :kiss: :hugs: :kiss:


----------



## blav

SLCMommy said:


> Question ladies - I am now starting to feel bitter towards anyone who is all smiley about her pregnancy. I especially can't stand the woman who post pictures of their belly or brag about their upcoming anatomy ultrasounds. Now, don't get me wrong... it's not that I don't want them to be happy for their pregnancy, because, of course I do! And, it really isn't anything personal to the woman.... I feel bitter because I am upset my much-so desired, wanted and loved pregnancy ended in such a heartbreaking experience. Is it normal to feel a little bitter? Did any of you feel that way?

Yes, I think this is a pretty normal feeling. I still get bitter and angry and it's been over 3 months. There is a girl at work who is pregnant and the other night was talking about how she can't wait until they cut it out of her (c-section due to placenta previa) and how she can't wait to get Mirena, etc. she was not employeed there when I went through everything with Mateo, but it was really hurtful to me to hear her say those things. 

It does get easier, but it doesn't necessarily go away. I think I will fight these feelings for a long time.


----------



## kiki04

Oh I get like super in love... like obsession in love with them :haha: I see a pg belly and want to feel baby kick... I see a baby, literally steal it from mom and snuggle... just yesterday a coworker on mat leave brought her son in.... holy sheep he was 4 weeks old and 7 lbs!!! EEEEEEEKKKKKKK I just snatched him up for some serious snuggles. Its just a mandatory thing for me... bring a baby near, and its mine. Basically :haha:


----------



## jojo23

hope you ladies dont mind when i talk about my pregnancy here! dont want anyone to feel bad x


----------



## kiki04

Thats what this thread originated as, ttc thread after loss and evvolved into an everything thread.... I love hearing about all these rainbows!!! :dance:


----------



## Hellylou

I found it quite tough in the early weeks seeing pregnant women, and even now it gives me a bit of a jolt. I didn't feel angry or jealous as much as terribly sad for what should have been, and helpless at the situation I was in. I actually found holding new babies very therapeutic, and it helped a lot with my healing. 

Sorry I haven't been around as much ladies. Hope everyone's ok. Sending big hugs :hugs:


----------



## blav

jojo23 said:


> hope you ladies dont mind when i talk about my pregnancy here! dont want anyone to feel bad x

For some reason it doesn't bother me here. Maybe because we do have a common bond of loss??

Mostly it bothers me when the pregnant women seem like the don't care or maybe seem like they are unfit to be a mother.


----------



## jojo23

yep i remember wen this thread started... would be so lost without it now but still wouldnt want anyone feeling bad listening to me rant on etc lol xxxx


----------



## Kelly9

Hannah's ashes arrived today. She is finally home.

I don't mind you guys talking about your pregnancies, I will admit sometimes I feel like I don't fit in here cause most of you are in such a different phase of loss and life but I don't hold it against you and I don't want you not to post about being pregnant cause I know when I get pregnant again I'll need all your support and have a whole new set of questions to go with my mixed emotions. Just don't be offended if I choose not to comment on the pregnancy until I'm ready to. Deal? :flower:


----------



## mhazzab

Kelly9 said:


> Hannah's ashes arrived today. She is finally home.
> 
> I don't mind you guys talking about your pregnancies, I will admit sometimes I feel like I don't fit in here cause most of you are in such a different phase of loss and life but I don't hold it against you and I don't want you not to post about being pregnant cause I know when I get pregnant again I'll need all your support and have a whole new set of questions to go with my mixed emotions. Just don't be offended if I choose not to comment on the pregnancy until I'm ready to. Deal? :flower:

Hi...don't think we have spoken before, I'm not round here so much these days as I am trying to pretend bad things don't happen for a while, but I do pop in every so often to catch up.
I'm so sorry to read about your daughter, Hannah, I'm glad you have her back at home now though, that must be a comfort.

I just wanted to say that I felt the same as you about pregnant people and couldn't bear to hear about them/ look at them or speak to them. Everyone is different, some of us are able to deal with it sooner than others. Even though I am now pregnant again I still feel the way you do about other pregnant women, which is weird, I can't explain it. I still don't like having conversations with most people about it, it just makes me really uncomfy. Its such early days for you, that its totally understandable you feel this way and even if you feel the same in six or twelve months there's always someone else that feels the same.
sorry if I'm rambling...! just trying to say we all understand and that its totally normal xxxxx:hugs:


----------



## jojo23

totally agree mhairi! even now i feel uncomfortable telling people im pregnant cause i almost feel i cant be happy... i totally understand you ladies in saying its hard to look at/speak about pregnancy! my cousin was pregnant the same time as me and when i lost Lily she called up to speak to me and i was so annoyed with her i couldnt even speak to her! but it does ease off and you start feeling a little more warmth again.

even so i really hope i havent offended anyone at any stage and will be a little more considerate in future!:)
xxxxxxxxxx


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## Kelly9

Most of my friends and all of my bnb stalkers are pregnant right now and I've just been avoiding them and their journals. No one is taking it to heart though as I imagine they understand it would be hard for me to see them or read their happy news in their journals. It's nice cause I can take my time. I don't think I'll be ready or comfortable around them until I am at least pregnant again, at least I hope it doesn't bother me so much then. It's really hard with my friends where I live cause so many of them are due either a few days before or after I was due with Hannah. I've already told other people to relay to my pregnant friends that I will not be attending any baby showers and that I will send along a present when I feel ready enough to go into the baby section of a store, till then they just have to wait it out, much like I'm doing.


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## jojo23

it def takes time hun! but if they're true friends they will totally understand how much you need your space right now. i have to admit i really realised who my friends were through losing Lily, there was people i really expected to be there and be supportive who literally never even sent me a text or passed on their sorry or anything and i know its quite a hard subject to approach but to me a friend who is there and says the wrong things is better than a friend who says nothing!

its only looking back now that i realise how much support i needed. at the time i was pushing everyone away and just wanted to be with my OH but thinking about it now a year on i just couldnt have coped without the people around me. and now i think i still need all those people but for a different reason and i can only hope they will still be there as i would be for them.

i think thats why this forum is so great cause even though we are all at different stages we are all coming from the same place. and we all know that at some point or another we have needed support and its always here even for the silly things you think wont matter! if they matter to you they matter to us! 

im so glad Hannah is home with you now hun xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

I have to say on these threads I am over the moon to hear about pregnancies. Because you have all been through tough times too and dont take being pregnant for granted. You also know that if you came across someone who had a loss you would be more sensitive.

So ladies with rainbows please dont stay away or worry about talking about your rainbows as it gives us hope xxxx


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## Andypanda6570

Bride2b said:


> I have to say on these threads I am over the moon to hear about pregnancies. Because you have all been through tough times too and dont take being pregnant for granted. You also know that if you came across someone who had a loss you would be more sensitive.
> 
> So ladies with rainbows please dont stay away or worry about talking about your rainbows as it gives us hope xxxx

I agree and I feel the same as you.
I can't tell you how excited I am when people get BFP :hugs::hugs::hugs: I am just so happy for them. I don't want anyone to stay away and JO I love you..
XOXOO Love U All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## blav

BLAH!

Day before yesterday, felt like AF was on her way! Had some cramps/pains most of the day (which is a little abnormal as I usually dont get too many cramps as a warning). Thought I would have spotting yesterday but nothing. Nothing this morning. BFN with FMU as well. 

:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:


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## Bride2b

So today is CD27, 5 DPO (if I did ov). I usually get AF 12 days after ov (approx), so that means 1 week today. One week today is my OH birthday!!! 

I know I didnt want to try this month & the chances that I ov'd & caught the egg from minimal bd is about 1% BUT it would mean the world to me to get a BFP next Weds for his birthday!! After all the shit we have been through, with his dad being ill and him passing away, then 2 months later losing our baby it would be amazing! I can dream cant I?! I wish I hadnt realised this now as I really want this to happen!:wacko:


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## Bride2b

blav said:


> BLAH!
> 
> Day before yesterday, felt like AF was on her way! Had some cramps/pains most of the day (which is a little abnormal as I usually dont get too many cramps as a warning). Thought I would have spotting yesterday but nothing. Nothing this morning. BFN with FMU as well.
> 
> :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:

How many DPO are you? Should AF have arrived? If so when? 
Whats going on????????:dohh:


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## blav

Bride2b said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> BLAH!
> 
> Day before yesterday, felt like AF was on her way! Had some cramps/pains most of the day (which is a little abnormal as I usually dont get too many cramps as a warning). Thought I would have spotting yesterday but nothing. Nothing this morning. BFN with FMU as well.
> 
> :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:
> 
> How many DPO are you? Should AF have arrived? If so when?
> Whats going on????????:dohh:Click to expand...

I thought AF would be here today (well yesterday spotting and today full on) but nothing! Not sure when I o'd, but I think it may have been a couple days late which means AF could be a couple days late. In any case, it's torture. I just want AF to be here if she's going to be here! The test this morning with FMU didn't even have a hint of a line so I really don't think I'm preg.


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## kiki04

Awwww Britney :hugs: 

Gemma I hope you get your POS for OH's bday :happydance:

AFM- I had a temp dip today so I am expecting a pos OPK today or tomorrow :happydance:


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## jojo23

Andypanda6570 said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> I have to say on these threads I am over the moon to hear about pregnancies. Because you have all been through tough times too and dont take being pregnant for granted. You also know that if you came across someone who had a loss you would be more sensitive.
> 
> So ladies with rainbows please dont stay away or worry about talking about your rainbows as it gives us hope xxxx
> 
> I agree and I feel the same as you.
> I can't tell you how excited I am when people get BFP :hugs::hugs::hugs: I am just so happy for them. I don't want anyone to stay away and JO I love you..
> XOXOO Love U All :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

awe thanks girls love you all too!!!cant wait for the day i log on and see you girls with your bfps!!!!! nothing new to report other than being totally zonked this week just cant get into a sleep routine at all!!! how are you all doing? xxxxx:hugs:


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## Kelly9

My hcg yesterday at 18 days pp was 18 so it should be out of my system soon and I expect to ovulate soon if my body is working the way it did after having my son. Not sure if I want to ttc before AF or not now. It's highly unlikely we'd get pg but I find it hard to just let a perfectly good egg go to waste.

Was having terrible cramps for the last two days, not sure if I mentioned, but anyway passed a big clot last night and now no cramping. White blood cell count is normal which is great! but I do have a UTI with no symptoms so started anti b's today. 

Hi to everyone and blav I hope she comes or you get a bfp soon. Maybe the spotting was ov spotting or implantation if you o'd late? Have you ever had that before?


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## Hellylou

blav said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> blav said:
> 
> 
> BLAH!
> 
> Day before yesterday, felt like AF was on her way! Had some cramps/pains most of the day (which is a little abnormal as I usually dont get too many cramps as a warning). Thought I would have spotting yesterday but nothing. Nothing this morning. BFN with FMU as well.
> 
> :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:
> 
> How many DPO are you? Should AF have arrived? If so when?
> Whats going on????????:dohh:Click to expand...
> 
> I thought AF would be here today (well yesterday spotting and today full on) but nothing! Not sure when I o'd, but I think it may have been a couple days late which means AF could be a couple days late. In any case, it's torture. I just want AF to be here if she's going to be here! The test this morning with FMU didn't even have a hint of a line so I really don't think I'm preg.Click to expand...

What sensitivity was the test? Have you tried a FRER or other early one? If you ov'd late it might not show yet on a normal test. The cramping is one of those 'could be either' symptoms, which is v frustrating...I'm stalking!

Gemma - good luck. I hope it's happening for you this month.:hugs:


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## kiki04

Well I am soooo axiously awaiting my +opk and am expecting it either tomorrow or the next day... then the 2ww! OMG I just want the weekend here already so I can "pretend Im not symptom spotting" :haha:


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## Nikki_d72

Britney, keep us posted! GL!

Gemma, you never know honey - GL! (we only managed to dtd once the month I concieved the twins, OH had done his back in badly, it started to come right, and then the floor gave way under him, he fell through, ripped all his leg up and put his back back out again!! The poor guy managed to soldier on the once - he was all puffed up with pride that once was enough and it gave us twins...) 

Krissy, Gl with OV, sounds like your body's back on track, yeeha, hope you catch it!

Helen, how you keeping hon?

Jojo - and all our rainbow carriers - don't you dare go anywhere! We have all been through such tough times, it is totally different from someone else being pregnant, especially if they take it for granted. Your new pregnancies give me hope anyway and I'm interested to hear what goes through your mind as I hope to be in the same boat one day and I want to be able to support you through any worries if I can. We have all been through this awful time together, I wouldn't dream about shutting you out now that you have a bit of happiness in your lives! This thread did start as a TTC/pregnancy after loss thread anyway, we just changed it to everything so as not to exclude anyone who wasn't at that stage yet.

I hope that everyone is well, nothing much to report here - I'm approaching my fertile time hopefully so better get ma jiggy on - better get out of my trackies and jammies into something a bit more human and appealing hehe!

Love to all xxx


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## kiki04

Oh so you will be in my 2ww thread with me then ;)


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## Bride2b

Ah Nikki you are about! I thought I posted in this thread asking if your ok, but did it in Andreas 'oops he didnt listen' thread! So you are coming up to ov too!! yay xx


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## FngrsCrossed

Good afternoon ladies...I am not sure if I can even post this here or if it goes in an OPK gallery...buuuut I need help

FF changed my OV date to CD7 last month which would have been 3 days after AF ended (I didn't temp very much). This month FF still anticipates OV to be on the typical CD12 like it used to be. I am tempting this month, given my early AF and I am using OPK's. I started using the opk's on CD4 (according to box in says go by shortest cycle and then start testing) since the last AF was 20 days long.

Well I have an almost positive that started at CD5, is it possible to ovulate on CD7 or CD8? I still had a little spotting earlier this morning, all gone now...:shrug: I know LP doesn't change but OV date can. I am expecting Darker lines by tonight. That means my "fertile period would be during my period???? :dohh::shrug:

Please help...:wacko:

Info: the first 2 tests are CD4
second 2 are CD 5
Last 2 test are CD6 (2 in morning will take one this evening)
 



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## kiki04

You can have "almost positive" ones randomly throughout. I had one a few days ago... and now today they still arent pos :shrug: I usually ovulate cd17-19 and I am cd15 now so just keep going twice a day with your opk's until you get a blazing positive. Because really... an "almost positive" is still considered negative, plain and simple.


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## Kelly9

^wss re opks. I used to get weird darker but not positive ones randomly but I also know someone who O'd on cd 9 so surely cd8 wouldn't be impossible. Just keep track and maybe dtd every second day for now to cover your bases. 

My opk was neg this morning, I'm going to keep doing them every day to every second day cause now that HCG should be negligible in my system I suspect I'll Ov soon.


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## FngrsCrossed

Thanks ladies...:flower:

Kelly9

I was reading up on early OV, and came across a lady who OV on CD7 that's what freaked me out
I am suspecting that by CD 9 they may be even darker or I may even OV..Only "temp will tell" (no pun intended) :haha: .it's just when you ovulate more toward your period then your follicular phase is shorter and your fertile days are fewer. Who tries to BD with an all out period and ends up with a positive? I don't know anyone, usually Dh's stay away during that time, so if the fertile 5 days are during your period how are you suppose to end up preggers? lol lol lol 

At least if I OV by CD 9I get 4 days to BD...just cant OV any sooner:nope:


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## Kelly9

`My husband and I dtd during my period but to be fair I have a short period and after the first 2 days I just spot so there's barely anything there.


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## FngrsCrossed

kiki04 said:


> You can have "almost positive" ones randomly throughout. I had one a few days ago... and now today they still arent pos :shrug: I usually ovulate cd17-19 and I am cd15 now so just keep going twice a day with your opk's until you get a blazing positive. Because really... an "almost positive" is still considered negative, plain and simple.

I am just so glad that I found my BB-thermometer...it took legs in December...So I found it at the end of last cycle. Without those temps none of us would have a clue what our bodies are up to.:shrug::nope:

I am expecting a blazing positive in a few days...I just want to see if I am going to be correct in that statement or will I eat those words? DH and I :sex: starting today since the opks were darker. I just didn't want to miss any posssible fertile days waiting for a positive...It's a blessing to see a fade in pattern. Not many women get that luxury.:nope:

So baby dust to all of us!!!! And thanks again..:hugs:


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## FngrsCrossed

Kelly9 said:


> `My husband and I dtd during my period but to be fair I have a short period and after the first 2 days I just spot so there's barely anything there.

Ok...well having a short period and BDing on the spotting day doesn't count as a fell fledged heavy, use a super tampax thing. I was spotting today and DH and I BD'ed too. I think DH's can roll with spotting. Well at least ours does lol. I was just imagining ovulating on CD7 and my period was 6 days of bleeding. I couldn't help but ask, does sperm survive menstrual flow, menstrual flow can't be considered a fertile mucus...:nope: 

This is just too crazy...lol lol lol lol

I read that they can survive it...and just want mother nature to be fair and give me all of my fertile days...lol lol lol


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## Kelly9

It's funny cause I complain that it takes me longer to Ovulate then I have a 16 day lp so my cycles are about a week + longer then the typical 28 day cycle. I wouldn't want to ovulate on cd 7 but cd 10 or after would be nice! I'll be taking clomid once af comes just to keep my ovulation more on time so I can start my FET sooner.


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## Nikki_d72

kiki04 said:


> Oh so you will be in my 2ww thread with me then ;)

Just joined!:thumbup:


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## Nikki_d72

Bride2b said:


> Ah Nikki you are about! I thought I posted in this thread asking if your ok, but did it in Andreas 'oops he didnt listen' thread! So you are coming up to ov too!! yay xx

Yeah I was just in there checking for any update from her and saw it, I replied in there - sorry if i'm crashing your thread, Andrea! Thanks for thinking about me. xxx


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## blav

Tested again this morning and another BFN. I used the First Response 6 days sooner one so I don't know. Felt very twingy tonight, but no period like cramps today. My best guess is that I was 11 dpo today so I feel like it should have been pos. I suppose I'm not out yet but I just wish I knew one way or the other!


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## Andypanda6570

blav said:


> Tested again this morning and another BFN. I used the First Response 6 days sooner one so I don't know. Felt very twingy tonight, but no period like cramps today. My best guess is that I was 11 dpo today so I feel like it should have been pos. I suppose I'm not out yet but I just wish I knew one way or the other!

No you are not out yet. Last night I remembered something. 20 years ago when my first son was born, I didn't get my AF and I kept testing and it kept coming up negative and I just knew I was pregnant. Missed AF like 10 days still negative , i went to the doctor and got a blood test and that confirmed it. So you are not out yet till the witch appears.
Good Luck XOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Bride2b

blav said:


> Tested again this morning and another BFN. I used the First Response 6 days sooner one so I don't know. Felt very twingy tonight, but no period like cramps today. My best guess is that I was 11 dpo today so I feel like it should have been pos. I suppose I'm not out yet but I just wish I knew one way or the other!

WTF is going on Britney????? I saw something about why some people get their BFP sooner than others - I'll try & find it, the figures for LH can really differ. 11 DPO is still on the cusp of getting a BFP, not many get it before xx :hugs:


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## Bride2b

Andypanda6570 said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> Tested again this morning and another BFN. I used the First Response 6 days sooner one so I don't know. Felt very twingy tonight, but no period like cramps today. My best guess is that I was 11 dpo today so I feel like it should have been pos. I suppose I'm not out yet but I just wish I knew one way or the other!
> 
> No you are not out yet. Last night I remembered something. 20 years ago when my first son was born, I didn't get my AF and I kept testing and it kept coming up negative and I just knew I was pregnant. Missed AF like 10 days still negative , i went to the doctor and got a blood test and that confirmed it. So you are not out yet till the witch appears.
> Good Luck XOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Maybe history is repeating itself Andrea (fingers crossed xxx) :hugs:


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## blav

Well, I just went to the bathroom, I think I saw a tiny bit of pink spotting so it looks like AF might be on her way. It's okay if she is, I just want to get on with it so we can try again. I really hope this is our month (all this waiting SUCKS!).


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## Bride2b

Damn you witch!!!! Sorry Britney thats crappy news! But it looks like we will be TTC buddies xxxx


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## Bride2b

Bride2b said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> Tested again this morning and another BFN. I used the First Response 6 days sooner one so I don't know. Felt very twingy tonight, but no period like cramps today. My best guess is that I was 11 dpo today so I feel like it should have been pos. I suppose I'm not out yet but I just wish I knew one way or the other!
> 
> WTF is going on Britney????? I saw something about why some people get their BFP sooner than others - I'll try & find it, the figures for LH can really differ. 11 DPO is still on the cusp of getting a BFP, not many get it before xx :hugs:Click to expand...

Just found it....I just posted in our new tww thread that Krissy has started too (so sorry if you see this twice & think you are going mad!)


I just thought this was an interesting chart that helps explain why some women get their bfp as early as 10dpo and others a week after AF should have arrived. I believe, although someone else can varify, most early pregnancy tests need to have 25mlU/ml. Hope you all find this as informational as I did. 

Found at americanpregnancy.org
Guideline to hCG levels during pregnancy:
hCG levels in weeks from LMP (gestational age)* :

3 weeks LMP: 5 - 50 mIU/ml
4 weeks LMP: 5 - 426 mIU/ml
5 weeks LMP: 18 - 7,340 mIU/ml
6 weeks LMP: 1,080 - 56,500 mIU/ml
7 - 8 weeks LMP: 7, 650 - 229,000 mIU/ml
9 - 12 weeks LMP: 25,700 - 288,000 mIU/ml
13 - 16 weeks LMP: 13,300 - 254,000 mIU/ml
17 - 24 weeks LMP: 4,060 - 165,400 mIU/ml
25 - 40 weeks LMP: 3,640 - 117,000 mIU/ml
Non-pregnant females: <5.0 mIU/ml
Postmenopausal females: <9.5 mIU/ml
* These numbers are just a GUIDELINE-- every womans level of hCG can rise differently. It is not necessarily the level that matters but rather the change in the level.

:dust: to all!!!


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## Andypanda6570

blav said:


> Well, I just went to the bathroom, I think I saw a tiny bit of pink spotting so it looks like AF might be on her way. It's okay if she is, I just want to get on with it so we can try again. I really hope this is our month (all this waiting SUCKS!).

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I know this waiting sucks. I am on day 32 and no AF and keep getting BFN with the cheapie tests. I don't understand what is going on, I just have to wait I guess,.
XOXOOXOX And yes February will be your month :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## blav

Yay Gemma, TTC buddies! It looks like a lot of us are trying this month so hopefully we get a bunch of BFPs! If I get preg in Feb my dude date would be a little after Mateo was born which would be very bittersweet. I really want a baby before the end of the year so I really hope this happens soon! 

Onward and upward!


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## kiki04

I know... 2013 or 2014 just seems too far away to wait for another baby... but if I dont get a sweet surprise this cycle.... thats what it will be for me :cry:


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## Bride2b

If I get my BFP I will have a due date of just before Bertie was born. I hope we do both get it this month as having a new baby may take the pain away from that dreaded time of the year. You will have a new one to look forward to & I will have a new one to look after. It would be great xx

Just been looking at CBFMs on ebay! I wish I hadnt sold mine now! I wasnt to know though! i'm going to get one again though I think as it helped me know when I was Ov'ing last time, and I think I need to know when again as I am all out of sink! xx


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## blav

Do any of you watch The Biggest Loser?

One of the men on the show talked about the loss of his first child at 6 months years ago. He was in tears and of course I was crying too. He explained it as, you know sometimes people have miscarriages? Well, that's not what happened. My baby was born and I got to hold her in my arms. 

And I don't know something about that just really touched me, because what we went through wasn't a miscarrige. I guess sometimes it's just nice to hear those words! I hope he reaches his weight loss goals!


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## blav

Bride2b said:


> If I get my BFP I will have a due date of just before Bertie was born. I hope we do both get it this month as having a new baby may take the pain away from that dreaded time of the year. You will have a new one to look forward to & I will have a new one to look after. It would be great xx
> 
> Just been looking at CBFMs on ebay! I wish I hadnt sold mine now! I wasnt to know though! i'm going to get one again though I think as it helped me know when I was Ov'ing last time, and I think I need to know when again as I am all out of sink! xx

Yes, that would be great! It will be nice to have a TTC buddy and hopefully a pregancy buddy too!

I thought about buying a CBFM but haven't as of yet at least. I'm going to try one more month of OPKs and temping and if I don't get a bfp, I'll have to spring for the CBFM! I feel like now that I've had a couple normal cycles and really paid attention to everything this cycle, I should be off to a good start for this one!


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## blav

kiki04 said:


> I know... 2013 or 2014 just seems too far away to wait for another baby... but if I dont get a sweet surprise this cycle.... thats what it will be for me :cry:

I'm keeping everything crossed for you! I really hope you get a bfp this cycle. That is definitely too long to wait!!!


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## Bride2b

blav said:


> Do any of you watch The Biggest Loser?
> 
> One of the men on the show talked about the loss of his first child at 6 months years ago. He was in tears and of course I was crying too. He explained it as, you know sometimes people have miscarriages? Well, that's not what happened. My baby was born and I got to hold her in my arms.
> 
> And I don't know something about that just really touched me, because what we went through wasn't a miscarrige. I guess sometimes it's just nice to hear those words! I hope he reaches his weight loss goals!

I love the Biggest Loser!!! I will have to seek out the US version then! Its ofte on TV somewhere!

I watched a program called '15 Kids & Counting' and this week a woman with 14 split with her husband & got with a new bloke & ended up pregnant, but she lost the baby. I'm not sure how many weeks she was but she showed the footprints and hand prints the hospital did. It broke my heart even though she had 14 other amazingly beautiful kids.....no one deserves that. The press were all over her! The baby must have been 20 weeks + as the prints werent much bigger than what Berties were x


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## feeble

I had another friend visit last night who was convinced his loss (missed miscarriage at 8 weeks) was 'the same' as ours and full of brilliant things like 'nature does these things for a reason' well actually my baby had the cord wrapped round her neck,there was NO reason. 

Just another reason why we are keeping this pregnancy so quiet (though for some reason Liam told that guy). I just cannot handle people who don't understand second tri losses, it hurts me so so much to hear them talking about it like it was 'just' a miscarriage and it happened for a reason :( 

Sorry just really upset me :(


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## OliveBay

feeble said:


> I had another friend visit last night who was convinced his loss (missed miscarriage at 8 weeks) was 'the same' as ours and full of brilliant things like 'nature does these things for a reason' well actually my baby had the cord wrapped round her neck,there was NO reason.
> 
> Just another reason why we are keeping this pregnancy so quiet (though for some reason Liam told that guy). I just cannot handle people who don't understand second tri losses, it hurts me so so much to hear them talking about it like it was 'just' a miscarriage and it happened for a reason :(
> 
> Sorry just really upset me :(

It hurts so much when people say things like this to us. I've had people say that to me too and I just want to scream that it is nowhere near the same thing. If I'm being sensible about it though, I just have to remind myself that of course they don't know how we feel and actually I wouldn't want them to - I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone. People just try to empathise and understand in the way they know best, and will naturally make comparisons to similar experiences in their own life, but sometimes their message of support just comes out a bit clumsy and doesn't have the effect they were after. Big hugs to you feebs, and try to keep your chin up :hugs:

As for me, today I got my 3+ on my last digi, so that marks the end of my poas antics - no more now! Phoned my midwife this morning, who spoke to my consultant and then phoned me back. They've advised I start my low-dose aspirin now and have booked me in for an early scan on the 14th feb - only 12 days away! I really do rate my midwife and consultant so highly and I've had such good treatment all along. I really must get around to printing and sending them the thank you letter I wrote about two months ago....:dohh:


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## feeble

am so happy for you Sally x I really hope this is it for you i do x 

No i would never want them to go through what i did (i wouldnt wish it on anyone at all ever) but it is hard to sit and hear :( 

My 13 week scan is on the 16th of Feb :) am trying to think extra positively about it, so i will keep you in my thoughts xx


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## Andypanda6570

Anyway........................
How is everyone? Hope everyone is doing good.
Still waiting here, I just hope tomorrow I have more info on myself :dohh:
XOOXOXOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## dnlfinker

Bride2b said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> blav said:
> 
> 
> Tested again this morning and another BFN. I used the First Response 6 days sooner one so I don't know. Felt very twingy tonight, but no period like cramps today. My best guess is that I was 11 dpo today so I feel like it should have been pos. I suppose I'm not out yet but I just wish I knew one way or the other!
> 
> No you are not out yet. Last night I remembered something. 20 years ago when my first son was born, I didn't get my AF and I kept testing and it kept coming up negative and I just knew I was pregnant. Missed AF like 10 days still negative , i went to the doctor and got a blood test and that confirmed it. So you are not out yet till the witch appears.
> Good Luck XOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Maybe history is repeating itself Andrea (fingers crossed xxx) :hugs:Click to expand...

 Thats what I was thinking too when I read your message!


----------



## jojo23

i was getting bfns for about 12 days after af was due and i was preg lol!! just wasnt picking it up on home tests and eventually i got a positive! hang in there hun xxxxxxxx


----------



## jojo23

feeble said:


> am so happy for you Sally x I really hope this is it for you i do x
> 
> No i would never want them to go through what i did (i wouldnt wish it on anyone at all ever) but it is hard to sit and hear :(
> 
> My 13 week scan is on the 16th of Feb :) am trying to think extra positively about it, so i will keep you in my thoughts xx

eeek my anomoly scan is 16th of feb xxx yay for us:hugs:


----------



## kiki04

I didnt get a positive HPT until cd34 with my daughter :thumbup: I even had a blood test on cd32 that said NEGATIVE but AF hadn't shown so I tested again with an HPT on cd34 and it was positive! :dance:


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## Nikki_d72

Yay for 3-4 on Digi Sally! 

GL Andrea, if it happened with your son all those years ago, then maybe that's just the way your body works and will happen again. sossy I hope I'm not getting your hopes too far up, I just really want this for you. xxx


----------



## FngrsCrossed

Kelly9 said:


> It's funny cause I complain that it takes me longer to Ovulate then I have a 16 day lp so my cycles are about a week + longer then the typical 28 day cycle. I wouldn't want to ovulate on cd 7 but cd 10 or after would be nice! I'll be taking clomid once af comes just to keep my ovulation more on time so I can start my FET sooner.



I couldn't agree with you on at least CD10 mine used to be CD12...There is an increased risk of miscarriage with OV so early....It takes about 7 days or so to implant and if cycles are 25 days long that means...an 11 day LP?

25 day cycle - 7 days for menstruation (2 spotting days included with OV on day 7) - 7 days to implantation = yep!! 11 day LP The best thing that could happen in that situation is implantation at 6 dpo, anything longer would be less than an 11 day LP and end in MC if not a chemical....

How sucky is that?! :cry: I hope I OV just a little later...I have used these tests before and I have not gotten such dark results so soon. And then with that possible OV on CD7!!! The nerve of the :witch: to be early...I even had a questionable pregnancy test on the 24th of Jan. Take a look..

What I thought was 5 dpo was actually much later and 2 days before I started spotting...Thought it was a fluke or something. Wondering if it was now. :cry:
 



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## jojo23

not sure about the risk of mc/chemical with oving early as ive never heard of this but at least your ovulating hun and once you start clomid you can keep a really good eye on it and regulate it!xx


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## jojo23

FngrsCrossed said:


> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> It's funny cause I complain that it takes me longer to Ovulate then I have a 16 day lp so my cycles are about a week + longer then the typical 28 day cycle. I wouldn't want to ovulate on cd 7 but cd 10 or after would be nice! I'll be taking clomid once af comes just to keep my ovulation more on time so I can start my FET sooner.
> 
> 
> 
> I couldn't agree with you on at least CD10 mine used to be CD12...There is an increased risk of miscarriage with OV so early....It takes about 7 days or so to implant and if cycles are 25 days long that means...an 11 day LP?
> 
> 25 day cycle - 7 days for menstruation (2 spotting days included with OV on day 7) - 7 days to implantation = yep!! 11 day LP The best thing that could happen in that situation is implantation at 6 dpo, anything longer would be less than an 11 day LP and end in MC if not a chemical....
> 
> How sucky is that?! :cry: I hope I OV just a little later...I have used these tests before and I have not gotten such dark results so soon. And then with that possible OV on CD7!!! The nerve of the :witch: to be early...I even had a questionable pregnancy test on the 24th of Jan. Take a look..
> 
> What I thought was 5 dpo was actually much later and 2 days before I started spotting...Thought it was a fluke or something. Wondering if it was now. :cry:Click to expand...

wow those tests look positive hun! have you taken any more since just to see???xxx


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## FngrsCrossed

jojo23 said:


> FngrsCrossed said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> It's funny cause I complain that it takes me longer to Ovulate then I have a 16 day lp so my cycles are about a week + longer then the typical 28 day cycle. I wouldn't want to ovulate on cd 7 but cd 10 or after would be nice! I'll be taking clomid once af comes just to keep my ovulation more on time so I can start my FET sooner.
> 
> 
> 
> I couldn't agree with you on at least CD10 mine used to be CD12...There is an increased risk of miscarriage with OV so early....It takes about 7 days or so to implant and if cycles are 25 days long that means...an 11 day LP?
> 
> 25 day cycle - 7 days for menstruation (2 spotting days included with OV on day 7) - 7 days to implantation = yep!! 11 day LP The best thing that could happen in that situation is implantation at 6 dpo, anything longer would be less than an 11 day LP and end in MC if not a chemical....
> 
> How sucky is that?! :cry: I hope I OV just a little later...I have used these tests before and I have not gotten such dark results so soon. And then with that possible OV on CD7!!! The nerve of the :witch: to be early...I even had a questionable pregnancy test on the 24th of Jan. Take a look..
> 
> What I thought was 5 dpo was actually much later and 2 days before I started spotting...Thought it was a fluke or something. Wondering if it was now. :cry:Click to expand...
> 
> wow those tests look positive hun! have you taken any more since just to see???xxxClick to expand...


:cry: So I was right about thinking they were + ?! :cry: Oh noooo! :cry: I have taken more hpt's, after AF left all BFN!! Aw, they were positive. :cry: Wooow...I didn't mention it to anyone because I didn't want to get my hopes up, I really thought it was a fluke and too soon for a +...But it must not have been a fluke I must have OV early like FF said; we BD on all three of those after AF days (Jan. 12th 13th 14th OV on 14th), OV must have been the reason it was extra good and why I had increased libido at that time. I could just start swearing at this moment and lose whatever God is in me...This is crappy.

I didn't even show DH and I am terrified to mention it to him. He may want to stop trying for another baby if he knows this. I just need to go to bed!!! (sigh) It's really depressing. I want to know what happened..But no way of really knowing. AF started sooooo early I had a 19 or 20 day cycle?! SERIOUSLLLLYYYYY! Poor DH didn't even get enjoyment sex!! (that's kinda funny :haha:)

What in Italian green salad is going on with my booooddddddyy!?:growlmad:


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## Nikki_d72

Aw Im sorry honey. Is it possible that there was still HCG left in your system at that time? I'm sorry I don't really know how quickly it leaves after a second tri loss like ours, I never thought to test. 

I had a possible early chemical a couple of cycles ago, right after christmas, I took a test and it came back positive (but may have been after the time, but it was a strong pos and never faded, it still hasn't) and then I started spotting and got AF the next day. I'm still not sure if it was or not, it made me sad to think it may have been but I put it down to maybe a dodgy test. Anyway, the next cycle I had the most EWCM I've ever had in my life and Ov'd super-early, so maybe my body was trying to make up for it! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is hopefully if it was a chem then you may be more fertile this time and watch out for early ovulation - I missed mine as i wasn't expecting it and had people staying. Best of luck xxx


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## Kelly9

You can still have a healthy pregnancy with an 11day lp, I know people that do with a 9 day lp. They just say having 10 days or more is ideal. The one test looks like it may have been positive the one with the blue plus sign but the other looks like an evap to me I can't see colour but it could be the quality of the pic. I had very short cycles after having my son, my shortest was 11 days long and the longest (of the messed up cycles) was 21 days long then when I stopped bf'ing they went back to normal. It sucked though bleeding for 5 days then having 5 days of no bleeding just to bleed again. 

I called my fertility clinic today and have activated on the wait list. Now waiting for my period to show so I can call in to report it and then pray for a phone call back to start FET. My bleeding is nearly done and in it's final stages and my hcg should be 0 by now. Opks are neg but I'm doing them every day to see when I ov. I think DH and I have decided not to waste any egg and will give it a go before my first period in the hopes that we'll be blessed with a second natural miracle before doing FET.


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## SLCMommy

Kelly9 - Are you doing IVF?


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## jojo23

so sorry hun... maybe it was some hcg still in your system. are they reliable brands to test with?? it happened to me before i got pregnant with Lily i was a few days late and took a test and it was positive and then AF came a couple of days later. i didnt really understand anything about chemicals or evap lines etc at that time and put it down to a dodgy test but now i am convinced thats what happened!

dont loose faith hun. AF is here now and you can start concentrating on this cycle and putting all your prayers and hopes into it..we're all here for you xxxxxx


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## FngrsCrossed

Nikki_d72 said:


> Aw Im sorry honey. Is it possible that there was still HCG left in your system at that time? I'm sorry I don't really know how quickly it leaves after a second tri loss like ours, I never thought to test.
> 
> I had a possible early chemical a couple of cycles ago, right after christmas, I took a test and it came back positive (but may have been after the time, but it was a strong pos and never faded, it still hasn't) and then I started spotting and got AF the next day. I'm still not sure if it was or not, it made me sad to think it may have been but I put it down to maybe a dodgy test. Anyway, the next cycle I had the most EWCM I've ever had in my life and Ov'd super-early, so maybe my body was trying to make up for it! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is hopefully if it was a chem then you may be more fertile this time and watch out for early ovulation - I missed mine as i wasn't expecting it and had people staying. Best of luck xxx



No possible way hcg was left from nov. I took hpt's to make sure and they were BFN's. I looked at it again after that and threw it away just day before yesterday..still was + :cry:. I kept the pics from when I took the test though. 

Isn't it just sucky though? You get a BFP and BOOM. Gone. :nope: Nothing in life is fair..I keep telling myself that just so I don't complain and say it's not fair. There are women out there who abuse their children, neglect them, and take them for granted. And here we are with so much love to give :hugs:, and.well. nevermind, before I actually start with the complaining...and thats what he ---> :devil: wants me to do. Question God and be angry. 

Well, like you I had the early AF and at least I get to try again. :thumbup: That's if DH is still in this little mission. He hasn't been cooperating with the :sex:, I got shot down yesterday and was so hurt. I have never been refused for :sex: Not even not TTC. He has been working nights and gets home sometimes at 9 a.m. so I am trying to not be so :sad1:,:cold:,:amartass:, and give him --->:trouble:

Hopefully all of us on here get our BFP, we derserve it!!!:growlmad::cry: If teen girls can have ample babies then what in the holy roly poly is wrong with is having the same?!:blush:


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## FngrsCrossed

Kelly9 said:


> You can still have a healthy pregnancy with an 11day lp, I know people that do with a 9 day lp. They just say having 10 days or more is ideal. The one test looks like it may have been positive the one with the blue plus sign but the other looks like an evap to me I can't see colour but it could be the quality of the pic. I had very short cycles after having my son, my shortest was 11 days long and the longest (of the messed up cycles) was 21 days long then when I stopped bf'ing they went back to normal. It sucked though bleeding for 5 days then having 5 days of no bleeding just to bleed again.
> 
> I called my fertility clinic today and have activated on the wait list. Now waiting for my period to show so I can call in to report it and then pray for a phone call back to start FET. My bleeding is nearly done and in it's final stages and my hcg should be 0 by now. Opks are neg but I'm doing them every day to see when I ov. I think DH and I have decided not to waste any egg and will give it a go before my first period in the hopes that we'll be blessed with a second natural miracle before doing FET.



I tried to take the best pics possible..the lighting in here makes it so hard though.

11 DAYS?!?!:shock: Oh God no! Girl I would have just died! I already hate 1 period a month, much less having one 11 days later or 11 days total! I could see me begging for mercy:haha:!! Asking everything holy to make it regulate! lmfo lmfo lmfo 


What's FET? :shrug: I think I know but I just need to be sure, so I will just ask what it means. Hopefully they will be calling you back very soon, I hope so. I am going to be praying with you on that one. And I don't blame you and DH for not wanting to waste a good egg :BD: away hun!!! It would be so awesome to get the BFP wouldn't it?!?! And have a healthy, sticky bean, and full term pregnancy...:cloud9:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## FngrsCrossed

jojo23 said:


> so sorry hun... maybe it was some hcg still in your system. are they reliable brands to test with?? it happened to me before i got pregnant with Lily i was a few days late and took a test and it was positive and then AF came a couple of days later. i didnt really understand anything about chemicals or evap lines etc at that time and put it down to a dodgy test but now i am convinced thats what happened!
> 
> dont loose faith hun. AF is here now and you can start concentrating on this cycle and putting all your prayers and hopes into it..we're all here for you xxxxxx

I have used them before with no problems. So :shrug:. I guess it was chemical. No way of truly knowing unless I has went to the Dr to get levels checked. :nope: Once again I will say that's sucky! I think I should tell DH about it and maybe he will be more sympathetic and :sex: despite being tired...of course that could backfire and he can say that a 2nd loss is the last straw. :shrug: Call Houston we have a problem!! I am going to shush for a while I think, or ease into that convo.


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## kiki04

FngrsCrossed said:


> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> You can still have a healthy pregnancy with an 11day lp, I know people that do with a 9 day lp. They just say having 10 days or more is ideal. The one test looks like it may have been positive the one with the blue plus sign but the other looks like an evap to me I can't see colour but it could be the quality of the pic. I had very short cycles after having my son, my shortest was 11 days long and the longest (of the messed up cycles) was 21 days long then when I stopped bf'ing they went back to normal. It sucked though bleeding for 5 days then having 5 days of no bleeding just to bleed again.
> 
> I called my fertility clinic today and have activated on the wait list. Now waiting for my period to show so I can call in to report it and then pray for a phone call back to start FET. My bleeding is nearly done and in it's final stages and my hcg should be 0 by now. Opks are neg but I'm doing them every day to see when I ov. I think DH and I have decided not to waste any egg and will give it a go before my first period in the hopes that we'll be blessed with a second natural miracle before doing FET.
> 
> 
> 
> I tried to take the best pics possible..the lighting in here makes it so hard though.
> 
> 11 DAYS?!?!:shock: Oh God no! Girl I would have just died! I already hate 1 period a month, much less having one 11 days later or 11 days total! I could see me begging for mercy:haha:!! Asking everything holy to make it regulate! lmfo lmfo lmfo
> 
> 
> What's FET? :shrug: I think I know but I just need to be sure, so I will just ask what it means. Hopefully they will be calling you back very soon, I hope so. I am going to be praying with you on that one. And I don't blame you and DH for not wanting to waste a good egg :BD: away hun!!! It would be so awesome to get the BFP wouldn't it?!?! And have a healthy, sticky bean, and full term pregnancy...:cloud9:
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

What she means by 11 day LP (luteal phase) is the 11 days after you ovulate. Not 11 CD (cycle days)


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## Bride2b

I am the proud owner once again of a CBFM!!! Really wish I wasn't back to using one do soon but onwards and upwards! My taking control of your own fertility book arrived today too! It's very interesting I've learnt sooooo much!loads about charting,just need to put it all into practise!xxx


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## Kelly9

Yeah I had an 11 day cycle but I was saying anything with an LP which is the time from ovulation till af.

FET is frozen embryo transfer. We did IVF/ICSI to conceive Hannah which makes this that much harder. I can't just conceive another baby with my hubby on our own, we needed help due to male factor infertility. I think it would be easier (for me) if I knew we didn't have other issues to deal with and could just try on our own to have a baby for however long it took. I can't help but think that we went through so much to have her and now she's just gone.


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## blav

Bride2b said:


> I am the proud owner once again of a CBFM!!! Really wish I wasn't back to using one do soon but onwards and upwards! My taking control of your own fertility book arrived today too! It's very interesting I've learnt sooooo much!loads about charting,just need to put it all into practise!xxx

Ahhh! Kind of jealous, hehe! It's too late for me to do the CBFM this month anyway, but next month if I don't get preg. I really hope this is it for both of us!


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## Kelly9

Bride2b I'm glad you like the book. It answers all regarding charting plus more. I can't remember but how long has it been since you lost your lo? Am I right in thinking that it wasn't to far off from when I lost Hannah?


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## Bride2b

Cant wait to start using the CBFM as then I will feel like I am doing something & can see exactly what is going on. I didnt like those cheap OPKs as they didnt show anything this month for me & not sure if I will actually know when I get a +ve with them. I might use them once the CBFM says peak (just so I know) that little egg isnt escaping!!!!!!!

Kelly the book is really interesting. So glad you recommended it! I feel so much more prepared now!
I lost my LO Nov 28th, but wasnt much further on than you were when you lost Hannah. I was 19 w + 3 xx

Hows everyone doing?xxxxxxx If freezing here! Just waiting as tonight we are expecting a snow dump! Woo hoo time for some fun! We are such big kids! x


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## FngrsCrossed

kiki04 said:


> FngrsCrossed said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> You can still have a healthy pregnancy with an 11day lp, I know people that do with a 9 day lp. They just say having 10 days or more is ideal. The one test looks like it may have been positive the one with the blue plus sign but the other looks like an evap to me I can't see colour but it could be the quality of the pic. I had very short cycles after having my son, my shortest was 11 days long and the longest (of the messed up cycles) was 21 days long then when I stopped bf'ing they went back to normal. It sucked though bleeding for 5 days then having 5 days of no bleeding just to bleed again.
> 
> I called my fertility clinic today and have activated on the wait list. Now waiting for my period to show so I can call in to report it and then pray for a phone call back to start FET. My bleeding is nearly done and in it's final stages and my hcg should be 0 by now. Opks are neg but I'm doing them every day to see when I ov. I think DH and I have decided not to waste any egg and will give it a go before my first period in the hopes that we'll be blessed with a second natural miracle before doing FET.
> 
> 
> 
> I tried to take the best pics possible..the lighting in here makes it so hard though.
> 
> 11 DAYS?!?!:shock: Oh God no! Girl I would have just died! I already hate 1 period a month, much less having one 11 days later or 11 days total! I could see me begging for mercy:haha:!! Asking everything holy to make it regulate! lmfo lmfo lmfo
> 
> 
> What's FET? :shrug: I think I know but I just need to be sure, so I will just ask what it means. Hopefully they will be calling you back very soon, I hope so. I am going to be praying with you on that one. And I don't blame you and DH for not wanting to waste a good egg :BD: away hun!!! It would be so awesome to get the BFP wouldn't it?!?! And have a healthy, sticky bean, and full term pregnancy...:cloud9:
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> What she means by 11 day LP (luteal phase) is the 11 days after you ovulate. Not 11 CD (cycle days)Click to expand...


oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :dohh:


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## FngrsCrossed

Bride2b said:


> I am the proud owner once again of a CBFM!!! Really wish I wasn't back to using one do soon but onwards and upwards! My taking control of your own fertility book arrived today too! It's very interesting I've learnt sooooo much!loads about charting,just need to put it all into practise!xxx

:happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## FngrsCrossed

Kelly9 said:


> Yeah I had an 11 day cycle but I was saying anything with an LP which is the time from ovulation till af.
> 
> FET is frozen embryo transfer. We did IVF/ICSI to conceive Hannah which makes this that much harder. I can't just conceive another baby with my hubby on our own, we needed help due to male factor infertility. I think it would be easier (for me) if I knew we didn't have other issues to deal with and could just try on our own to have a baby for however long it took. I can't help but think that we went through so much to have her and now she's just gone.

Ok I will admit, I was close in what I thought the FET stood for. Cloce, but not correct. I know that that has to be hard...because all of those procedures are grueling at times, with the "wait and see" approach. Asking if it worked or if you have to go through it again. (sigh) I wish things were easier for everyone. When you think about it, TTC is a lot like procedures in the "wait and see" approach. I feel so awful for the LTTTC ladies.

I hope this all gets better for you, all the other ladies here in this thread and hopefully myself also. Well at least you know that for the FET your odds of conceiving are way higher than those of us still BD'ing to get baby. I am so going to keep praying that all goes well with you and that they call you even sooner than expected. Did they say about how long the list is or how long you'd be on it?:shrug: What's the usual length of time couples wait?

It's hard not to feel you are feeling, your feeling are justified. I could go on and on about the women who go to jail for burning their baby or letting their boyfriend kill the child...I think those are the one's who don't need to be having children and here we are. :cry: It's ok to miss Hannah and long for her. :cry: Loss of a child is the most awful thing in the world thus far. :?

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

The wait list is 2-3 months, they go by your period so on cd1 you call in to report your period and they put you on the list of others who started their cycles in that week then the top 25 or so (the ones who've been waiting the longest) get called to start their cycles and everyone else has to wait till their AF turns up again to get another shot the next month. I am hoping and praying that I get in after 2 months and not 3. I don't want to wait till april it's to far away. Even better yet would be to make a miracle baby on our own while waiting but I know statistically it's very unlikely. The chances of FET working is about 43% the fresh cycle is about 64% so I am worried cause its less likely to work with FET and i can't handle any more disappointment. I already feel so beat down.

bride2b, I thought you weren't to far ahead of me, you've gotten your first AF since I would assume? I'm just wondering who all will likely be ttc when I get AF back and start FET, I don't want any of you guys to have to wait any longer then necessary to have a baby even if having buddies is nice and I won't have a good shot until march or april with the FET.


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## Bride2b

Yes I got my first AF 6th jan,now just waiting to try next cycle....whenever that may be as my cycle it appears is different to before I conceived. I think the wait is really hard as until you get your cycle back your just in limbo!x


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## blav

It stinks! I feel like my cycle was like clockwork before and now I'm still trying to figure everything out and it sucks.

I also feel like...I don't know, just feeling down recently and I think it might be because my due date was the 29th fo this month. Lately I'm just feeling so much doubt about the decisions we made. I have so many regrets about not going to the hospital sooner and it's just impossible to keep pushing aside those thoughts and emotions. I really feel like I could have changed the course of what happened if I would have just listened to how I was feeling...I really felt like something was wrong and did nothing about it. 

And, I know I have to try to not think like that and blah blah, but I can't because it's true. It's so hard not to live in the past. Right after we found out Mateo was a boy we bought some adorable boy clothes and I found them in the closet last night...just added insult to injury at this point. I keep getting formula and coupons and stuff in the mail telling me "You're almost there!" and it makes me want to scream!

NO, I'M NOT ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even close...in fact I feel the farthest I've ever felt from "being there". OH has to get circumcised in April which means if it doesn't happen this month or next, it won't even happen this year! I can't wait for this terrible month to be over...


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## feeble

I have been feeling terrible too Hun, babies due date was the 18th, it does gradually start to ease though x x be kind to yourself x x


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## ericacaca

Hi ladies... I'm back again..... crap.... I'm spotting..... blood - not alot of it but still worried like crazy about it! If it carries on tomorrow we're going to go in to hospital! Such a stress! Argh! 
xxx


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## blav

feeble said:


> I have been feeling terrible too Hun, babies due date was the 18th, it does gradually start to ease though x x be kind to yourself x x

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

I feel like I even think about anything and I start crying. I just want to be pregnant again and althought this past month was our first really trying, for some reason I just feel really discouraged. I'm trying to not worry so much and just relax but it's so hard!


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## Bride2b

Britney everything you are saying I can relate to 100% Hun. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think why didn't I realise the pains I was getting wasn't normal & if I had been checked out they might have monitored the pains or contractions I was having & been able to give me something to stop it. It's all good looking back with hind sight,but the horrible reality is that at the time we obviously were not alarmed otherwise as mothers to be we would have done anything to protect our LO. Like is unfair that we have had to learn the hard way. In years to come we will remember & we may still regret but I hope the pain is taken away and it's something we learn to live with xxxx

Have you thought of smep?it seems like such a good method of making sure you are getting bd in at the right time of your cycle.is there anything that you are going to do to get your BFP or are you letting nature take its course? It's rubbish that you only have a couple more tries before you OH has surgery,do you know how long he'll be out of action for? Hopefully you will get your BFP before but I can see why you are worried. Thinking of you hun xxx

I also think clothes etc brought for the baby are painful,OH put our few bits in the loft,we only brought one little sleep suit 2 days before we lost Bertie,this was the first time I looked at baby stuff,my OH got really excited & brought it even though I still felt nervous about looking! He even talked me in to buying a stuffed toy that looks like our husky for our baby. I know doing these things didn't cause our loss but I hadn't wanted to tempt fate by buying anything. My mum brought us some bits the day after we announced we were expecting & I got really angry with her! Anyway it's all waiting in the loft for next time,but I know deep down they should all have been Berties things,just like your bits for Mateo. There are going to be so many reminders,it's just a case of finding a way to best deal with these things. 

Big hugs my ttc buddy xxxxx


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## blav

Bride2b said:


> Britney everything you are saying I can relate to 100% Hun. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think why didn't I realise the pains I was getting wasn't normal & if I had been checked out they might have monitored the pains or contractions I was having & been able to give me something to stop it. It's all good looking back with hind sight,but the horrible reality is that at the time we obviously were not alarmed otherwise as mothers to be we would have done anything to protect our LO. Like is unfair that we have had to learn the hard way. In years to come we will remember & we may still regret but I hope the pain is taken away and it's something we learn to live with xxxx
> 
> Have you thought of smep?it seems like such a good method of making sure you are getting bd in at the right time of your cycle.is there anything that you are going to do to get your BFP or are you letting nature take its course? It's rubbish that you only have a couple more tries before you OH has surgery,do you know how long he'll be out of action for? Hopefully you will get your BFP before but I can see why you are worried. Thinking of you hun xxx
> 
> I also think clothes etc brought for the baby are painful,OH put our few bits in the loft,we only brought one little sleep suit 2 days before we lost Bertie,this was the first time I looked at baby stuff,my OH got really excited & brought it even though I still felt nervous about looking! He even talked me in to buying a stuffed toy that looks like our husky for our baby. I know doing these things didn't cause our loss but I hadn't wanted to tempt fate by buying anything. My mum brought us some bits the day after we announced we were expecting & I got really angry with her! Anyway it's all waiting in the loft for next time,but I know deep down they should all have been Berties things,just like your bits for Mateo. There are going to be so many reminders,it's just a case of finding a way to best deal with these things.
> 
> Big hugs my ttc buddy xxxxx

You are so right on every level, Gemma. I'm so thankful to have lovely ladies who just understand how I feel, who don't tell me I should feel differently or where I should be in the grief process. Truly a blessing.

What is SMEP? I'll try anything at this point. I was going to do OPKs and temping again. I feel like I need to be patient to O because I seem to O a day later than the calculators say. If I don't get pregnant this month, I'm definitely buying the CBFM (woud do it this month, but too late). OH will be out for about 6 to 8 weeks. I would just really like to get a BFP this month for many reasons, but especially because Mateo's due date was February 29 and it's going to be such a difficult time, it would be so nice to have BFP and something positive to look forward to.


----------



## Bride2b

ericacaca said:


> Hi ladies... I'm back again..... crap.... I'm spotting..... blood - not alot of it but still worried like crazy about it! If it carries on tomorrow we're going to go in to hospital! Such a stress! Argh!
> xxx

Oh hun I'm sure things r fine,but like you say it's best to get checked to settle your mind xxx try not to worry (like that's not going to be easy!) and try and rest xx wow your baby is the size of a banana now! Let us know how you are won't you xxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Britney it's the sperm meets egg plan (smep) basically you bd every other day from cd8, then once you get pos OPK you bd that day & 2 more days, miss a day then try once more. I have a great link what I got from another thread,I'll post it in the morning as I'm on my phone in bed.....it's really good! There is a thread in ttc after a loss. I've been there ready & waiting to try. They had 8 ladies doing smep this month & 3 have got their BFP so far...I think there is one or two more about to test but a few didn't get lucky this month. Have a look if your intestested....if you can't find it I'll post a link in the morning. It seems fool proof if you follow it properly. It is supposed to give people who have recently lost more chance of falling pg again. Xxx


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## Bride2b

https://https://www.babyandbump.com/ttc-after-loss/848091-any-smepers-month-8-testers-2-bfp.html

Have a look at the thread.... I hope this link works from my phone! This is the thread I'm talking about & first page has a link to the info on it x

I'm going to try it along with EPO maybe royal jelly,temping,CBFM,& reflexology! I am one determined lady!!!! I WILL get my BFP! I just can't stop obsessing about being pregnant,I want it do much!xx


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## kiki04

Ive basically been doing SMEP although my days are 9, 12, 13, 15, 17 and today is 18 and can tell you now it wont be happening, so maybe a +OPK tomorrow so bd cd19 and 20 :shrug:


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## blav

Bride2b said:


> https://https://www.babyandbump.com/ttc-after-loss/848091-any-smepers-month-8-testers-2-bfp.html
> 
> Have a look at the thread.... I hope this link works from my phone! This is the thread I'm talking about & first page has a link to the info on it x
> 
> I'm going to try it along with EPO maybe royal jelly,temping,CBFM,& reflexology! I am one determined lady!!!! I WILL get my BFP! I just can't stop obsessing about being pregnant,I want it do much!xx

Awesome, thanks! Will do this as well!

I can't stop obsessing over it either! Hopefully our angels are really looking over us this month and we will all get our BFPs!!!!!!


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## Kelly9

As soon as I got home from Toronto and everything sad that happened there I cleaned out anything and everything baby related and put it in our basement so I wouldn't be reminded. I know I'm not quiet in the same boat as some of you in terms of not knowing or not having gone into the hospital to get things checked out but I still get it. I wonder if the decisions I made regarding the fetal surgery were right, like what if we waited till she was a bit bigger or if we did the fetal transfusion first then waited for her anemia to correct before doing the surgery etc. I don't know if it would have changed anything but it's there at the back of my mind.


----------



## SLCMommy

Kelly9 said:


> Yeah I had an 11 day cycle but I was saying anything with an LP which is the time from ovulation till af.
> 
> FET is frozen embryo transfer. We did IVF/ICSI to conceive Hannah which makes this that much harder. I can't just conceive another baby with my hubby on our own, we needed help due to male factor infertility. I think it would be easier (for me) if I knew we didn't have other issues to deal with and could just try on our own to have a baby for however long it took. I can't help but think that we went through so much to have her and now she's just gone.


Any loss is sad, but when you have to go through hell & high water to just conceive a baby to just end up having to say goodbye too soon - that is just even more heartbreaking :cry:. I'm so sorry hun :(


AFM, I am taking each day at a time. I haven't heard back from my hospital about the pathology report, but I'm tempted to call on Monday and see if my OBGYN has gotten any information. At my next appointment on Feb 16, I really hope that the doctor gives me the "okay" to at least be intimidate with my husband. TMI, I know... but when I was pregnant my morning sickness was SO bad that I didn't even want him around, and now that I have gotten the good majority of my bulk crying out of my system, I really just want to show my DH how much I truly love him. 

When you have a "check up" after a miscarriage.... does the medical provider do a vaginal exam?


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## collie_crazy

Erica I am so sorry you are going through this worry :hugs: I'm sure it's nothing but like you said if it continues go get checked out :hugs: let us know how you are, ok?

I did SMEP the cycle I conceived this time. It's hard work but it worked for us :thumbup: it's all about basically having a continuous supply of sperm there and waiting to pounce on that egg :haha: good luck with it girls!

I also get the 'could I have done more' feelings. Even though the problem Emily had was chromosomal and completely 'random' I still feel as though I'm at fault, I did it to her... Because I was the one growing her right? I feel guilty everyday for the decisions I made and constantly wonder if they were the right choices. 

I think that's natural though, we will always have what ifs, why us, and buts and sometimes there just are no answers :cry: but I believe we all did what we thought was best for our babies at the time, look how much we all love them! We wouldn't be here if we didn't! Hindsight is a wonderful thing...


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## jojo23

awe erica sorry your getting this worry again! im sure its just LO keeping you on your toes!

how are all my ladies that are ttc? any symptoms dpo etc???

im doing good girls feeling a little more moevment lately, still no kicks but im worried about my bump size. i dont look pregnant at all and i just have a little wobbly tummy. when i lie down it almost disappears...i wish i could sleep through this and just wake up when its time for baby to come lol. i have everyone i know saying prayers for me..
my 20 week scan is in 11 days yay so im hoping that this year the 16th of feb will be a day full of joy for me instead of heartbreak.

hope you are all well girls love to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## blav

Good luck at your scan, Jolene...let us know how it goes as soon as you can! Like I said in the other thread, I know Lily will be watching over you!

I told OH about the SMEP and he's on board so yaaaay! It seems to have a lot of positive results so I REALLY hope it works for us as well...even after just one month of TTC, I'm over it. I just want to be pregnant again and it seems like TTC just brings up a lot of emotions and makes me constantly think about how I'm NOT pregnant.

Also, have I ever mentioned how much I hate periods? I feel gross.


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## jojo23

blav said:


> Good luck at your scan, Jolene...let us know how it goes as soon as you can! Like I said in the other thread, I know Lily will be watching over you!
> 
> I told OH about the SMEP and he's on board so yaaaay! It seems to have a lot of positive results so I REALLY hope it works for us as well...even after just one month of TTC, I'm over it. I just want to be pregnant again and it seems like TTC just brings up a lot of emotions and makes me constantly think about how I'm NOT pregnant.
> 
> Also, have I ever mentioned how much I hate periods? I feel gross.

thanks so much hun!! yay for hubbie being on board..ttc is so draining at times isnt it, cause you so want to be pregnanct but getting knocked down every month is just heartbreaking. but it WILL happen for you hun and we're all sending you our positive prayers and thoughts xxxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


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## Bride2b

Jo hun I didnt look pregnant at 19 1/2 weeks & my baby was bang on the right size, so dont worry that your bump isnt showing much, soon you will pop and then spend your time trying to remember what your feet look like. 11 days will go so quick & you will get to see your gorgeous little one on the screen & it will be amazing, little Lily will be looking over you and her lil bro or sis! big hugs xx

Britney glad you OH is on board! It looks like a great way of getting that BFP!!xx

AFM - temps still up (as I said in the tww thread) just wondering whats happening! It snowed here loads last night so me and OH took our husky out for a walk with some bum sliders & had loads of fun sliding down hills! I did think I wouldnt have been doing that pregnant as I would have been 29 weeks. We had fun & it took my mind off everything for a few hours, then just went and had a nice roast dinner at the pub a few doors down! yum yum xx


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## Hellylou

Hi ladies :flower:

Erica, hope everything's ok. Most likely from cervix? Maybe some irritation, which is quite common :hugs:

Jojo - don't worry about bump size too much. You must just be 'neat' as they say - I never showed much in 2nd tri with any of mine. People used to say to me 'where is it?'...then in 3rd tri I was enormous! Good luck on 16th - I have my booking in scan then too x

Good luck to all the TTC ladies this month. I am keeping everything crossed for you x

AFM: feeling ok. Just a bit down - prob because my daughter is away on a trip and I miss her, and also I'm just wishing time to go faster so I can start feeling more positive about this pregnancy. I should be happy but I feel like I can't be until I'm more sure everything is going to be ok...


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## ericacaca

Hi again ladies, really hope you're right. I called the hospital up, the doctor said as long as it doesnt come back again then they arent too worried about it. If it comes back again I should go in and get checked out. So now stressing hoping it doesnt happen again! Argh! I thought the whole checking the loo roll phase would be over by now! argh! I'm not going into work tomorrow or Tuesday as I find those two days the most stressful at work and I'm determined to take it easy and look after myself! xx


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## Bride2b

Helen wow 8 weeks already!! xxx Gosh time flies xx


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## jojo23

eek helen 8 weeks yay :) 
erica been thinking of you all day and saying a little prayer! im sure its nothing to worry about,but its easy to say that cause i know you will be going crazy...the joys:)

hellylou thanks so much im feeling a but better about my bump now lol its very neat but at least its there. i know lots of my friends didnt show until they were about 24-26 weeks so hopefully by then ill be nice and plump. lol the one time i want some fat hehe xxxxxxxxxxx


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## SLCMommy

When you have a "check up" after a miscarriage.... does the medical provider do a vaginal exam?


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## Bride2b

No but then ours wasn't a check up,it was results from the tests x


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## Andypanda6570

After I lost Ava I was supposed to go back in 6 weeks and I never did. I was supposed to go and get my bloods for my thyroid and I never did :cry: I was so devastated I just didn't care. I lost Ava ( I gave birth) on March 3rd and I didn't get my bloods till the end of April, it took me 6 months to get my thyroid in check. I didn't go back to the doctor till December :nope: I know that was way to long, but I just could not be in that office. After I had Ava they did a sonogram and nothing was left so I just knew I was ok. I do go now and everything is ok..
:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## feeble

I had no exam x


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## mhazzab

SLCMommy said:


> When you have a "check up" after a miscarriage.... does the medical provider do a vaginal exam?

I had one, but that was when I went for my results after 8 weeks, and I was still bleeding that's the only reason she did it.
So sorry for your loss i hope your check up goes 'okay' xxxxx


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## blav

SLCMommy said:


> When you have a "check up" after a miscarriage.... does the medical provider do a vaginal exam?

I had a check about 2 weeks after and she did do a vaginal exam to make sure my cervix was closed.


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## Kelly9

I'm suppose to go in at 6 weeks for a pap cause I did give birth and thats what they do here but I may not go in for a while longer, I plan on doing a FET as soon as I can and they'll just redo my pap if I get pregnant so I don't see the point in having another one 2 months down the road if I get pregnant.


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## blav

Kelly, the little box/urn you got for Hannah is beautiful. I absolutely love it...what a perfect little treasure!


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## jojo23

i had one but it was also to do swabs for bv etc!! other than that it was all to check my bloods etc! xx


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## jojo23

girls just wanted to let you all know i had a visit with my doc yday and she listened on the doppler and found my lo's heartbeat straight away :) she measured my bumop too and its bang on 20 weeks so all my worrying was so not needed but just wanted to say thanks so much for listening to me and being so supportive. for the first time since i lost Lily im starting to hope! love u all girls xxxxxxxx


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## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> girls just wanted to let you all know i had a visit with my doc yday and she listened on the doppler and found my lo's heartbeat straight away :) she measured my bumop too and its bang on 20 weeks so all my worrying was so not needed but just wanted to say thanks so much for listening to me and being so supportive. for the first time since i lost Lily im starting to hope! love u all girls xxxxxxxx

Yay I'm so happy I hope 
maybe you can relax a little bit now. Not too long till your scan now either. How are you coping at the moment, I know the next week will be hard for you, I'm (we're) here for you any time you need xxxx


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## kiki04

Awww Jo!!! Thats awesome!! :happydance: I'm so happy you are feeling at ease with things now :hugs:


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## jojo23

thanks girls... im actually feeling ok this week. My Oh is so supportive and i dont want to remember Lily in a sad way i want to remember the happiness i felt before all the saddness if that makes sense! she saved me in so many ways i cant even explain and i know i have a forever angel!

im being very calm i must say lol xxxxxxxxxx


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## DueSeptember

*I am excited for all you and your Rainbow Babies  I am still scared to try :*(*


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## Bride2b

blav said:


> Kelly, the little box/urn you got for Hannah is beautiful. I absolutely love it...what a perfect little treasure!

Yes I thought that too,Kelly it's lovely,do you mind asking where you got it from? Bertie's ashes are in a plastic urn the crematorium put them in,but I wouldn't know how or if I could open it up to transfer it into something pretty like yours xx


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## Bride2b

Oh and Jo that's fab news hun xxxx


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## jojo23

DueSeptember said:


> *I am excited for all you and your Rainbow Babies  I am still scared to try :*(*

thanks hun and its totally understandable being afraid to try... i was TERRIFIED and id say the ladies here are so sick of listening to me moan lol but its completely your decision when you feel ready and theres no need for you to rush into anything! we're all here for you when the time comes that you do feel ok to try xxxxxxxxx:hugs:


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## Kelly9

I bought the box at a store called Personally Yours, they do engravings they have a sister store which sells the same items called Things Engraved. It is beautiful and I couldn't have found something better to put her in. If the plastic container is sealed I am sure a crematorium can open it back up for you, the ashes should be in a sealed bag inside if it's done like how they did Hannah's. 

My bleeding has finally stopped, just over three weeks later. I also called a pregnancy and infant loss program out here and set up a counselling appointment next week. I don't know if i really need it but at least they will understand how I feel and hopefully tell me it's all normal.


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## feeble

I learnt a lot from my angel too x 

I think it's really positive to look at what they has done for us and how they affected our lives x


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## Bride2b

Kelly9 said:


> I bought the box at a store called Personally Yours, they do engravings they have a sister store which sells the same items called Things Engraved. It is beautiful and I couldn't have found something better to put her in. If the plastic container is sealed I am sure a crematorium can open it back up for you, the ashes should be in a sealed bag inside if it's done like how they did Hannah's.
> 
> My bleeding has finally stopped, just over three weeks later. I also called a pregnancy and infant loss program out here and set up a counselling appointment next week. I don't know if i really need it but at least they will understand how I feel and hopefully tell me it's all normal.

It is so beautiful Kelly xx I'm glad your bleeding has finally stopped it feels good to know that 'that' bit is over! It's a good idea to see & talk to someone then you know you have 'dealt' with things x


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## blav

feeble said:


> I learnt a lot from my angel too x
> 
> I think it's really positive to look at what they has done for us and how they affected our lives x

I could not agree more with this. Mateo has changed so many things about our life, how we will parent in the future, and has really taught us that babies are amazing miracles and blessings...not that we didn't think that before, but I don't think we realized how fragile life can be. 

So, this weekend is my great grand mother's 90th birthday. My family is driving to Northern Pennsylvania from Canada to be there. OH and I live in Virginia and are also going to drive up (7 hrs, ewww) to surprise everyone! It will be a whirlwind trip, just one night because we only have the weekend off, but I'm soooo excited to see my mom and sisters (my sisters ages are 4, 5, and 16). I'm the oldest by a long shot, haha!


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## SLCMommy

This is the urn we picked out :) It'll be graved with his name as well.
Pathology report came back, babe was a boy and perfectly healthy. It was a dysfunctional placenta most likely. 

This is what his urn looks like:
https://4.bp.blogspot.com/_7-VbHGufXxY/TOlHwnKeDdI/AAAAAAAAACk/K5O_LhsqPL0/s1600/joe_baby_angel_lg.jpg


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## jojo23

awe hun what an amazing urn!! its so beautiful xxxx
im glad you got your report back... i had no reason for losing Lily either they say most likely chromosome issues but the only upside to getting the all clear was i know its was so unlikely to happen again! i hope you get some comfort from it!

Blav its so nice you get to see your family again hope you have an amazing time hun!

AFM well im starting to get more hopeful with everyday that passes, feeling a little more movement as the days pass too! i have bad thrush atm though tmi lol so its pretty annoying! work is driving me a little bit crazy butu im only working part time at the moment so at least its not too bad. hope everyone is good and keep me updated on all the babymaking and ttc etc xxxxxxx


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## Kelly9

I didn't even realize that could be an urn, its perfect. It's sad when the reports come back with no real reason but then you do know that you're healthy and like Jojo said it's less worry for when and if you decide to have another. With Hannah she had such a rare tumour (1 in 40,000 live births) that wasn't genetic at all so as crappy and terrible as the odds were that this would happen to her we were reassured that it would be the same chance as everyone else that we'd have it happen again. They also were able to reassure me that her diagnosis was nothing to do with IVF which made me feel a lot better about using our frozen embryos. I'm waiting on the pathology of her tumour, sometimes they can be cancerous though not often so I'm interested to see if anything new comes from that.


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## DueSeptember

jojo23 said:


> DueSeptember said:
> 
> 
> *I am excited for all you and your Rainbow Babies  I am still scared to try :*(*
> 
> thanks hun and its totally understandable being afraid to try... i was TERRIFIED and id say the ladies here are so sick of listening to me moan lol but its completely your decision when you feel ready and theres no need for you to rush into anything! we're all here for you when the time comes that you do feel ok to try xxxxxxxxx:hugs:Click to expand...

*
Awww Thank you  I do not want to wait 2 long because I am old already lol well im 29 but I dont want to be 2 old you know *


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## OliveBay

Hi ladies, not been on here much recently as I've been really busy at work and usually only get chance to come on here on an evening but then the website always seems so slow at that time of day and I just run out of patience waiting for the pages to load! :dohh:

Kelly and SLCmommy - I just wanted to say that I love the urns you've chosen for you little ones.

I hope everyone is doing ok - Helen and Fiona are you still out there? How are you both doing? 

I still feel like I'm in limbo until my early scan next week. Everything is going fine I think and there's no reason for me to worry, but I'm anxiously checking the paper everytime I go to the toilet and haven't really go any pregnancy symptoms expect for looking a bit bloated and feeling slight off my food every now and then. I'd just feel so reassured if i woke up with obvious morning sickness - I promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms, I just want some reassurance. Hopefully on Tuesday I'll see a little healthy bean and can finally start to enjoy this journey....

Big hugs to you all (and don't forget about me even if I'm not around much!) :hugs:


----------



## Andypanda6570

OliveBay said:


> Hi ladies, not been on here much recently as I've been really busy at work and usually only get chance to come on here on an evening but then the website always seems so slow at that time of day and I just run out of patience waiting for the pages to load! :dohh:
> 
> Kelly and SLCmommy - I just wanted to say that I love the urns you've chosen for you little ones.
> 
> I hope everyone is doing ok - Helen and Fiona are you still out there? How are you both doing?
> 
> I still feel like I'm in limbo until my early scan next week. Everything is going fine I think and there's no reason for me to worry, but I'm anxiously checking the paper everytime I go to the toilet and haven't really go any pregnancy symptoms expect for looking a bit bloated and feeling slight off my food every now and then. I'd just feel so reassured if i woke up with obvious morning sickness - I promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms, I just want some reassurance. Hopefully on Tuesday I'll see a little healthy bean and can finally start to enjoy this journey....
> 
> Big hugs to you all (and don't forget about me even if I'm not around much!) :hugs:

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## OliveBay

Thanks Andrea, I think a good hug is just what I needed! You're always so supportive and I appreciate it so much. How are you doing?


----------



## feeble

Hi honey, i am still here 

Just got some great news, we are moving out of temporary accomodation and into a proper house!!! 

Which is Just Fantastic, it will be Our House and we can paint it, put shelves up :) :) 

its got a loft for all those things i 'ahem' really need :D 

Honestly i am over the moon and its a stones throw from town, with great schools nearby 

Feeling very blessed today, perhaps my angel is smiling down on me :) 

Also am 12 weeks and 1 day pregnant today! So exactly a week until our scan!! 

How you doing? xx


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## Bride2b

Hi ladies, Sally I'm glad your doing ok & your early scan is only a week away. I know what you mean about not complaining about symptoms, it almost like you want morning sickness as its a good sign that baby is growing, (although some ladies dont get it & their babies are fine ...... lucky I guess). I know with Bertie I felt nauseous 24 hours a day and I said to my OH that I wasnt going to do it again as I felt so rough! Little did I know, but I would do it 10 times over just to get a healthy buba.

Fiona - fabulous news on the house sweetie! 

Hi Amanda, how you doing hunny?xxx

Yes I wonder how Helen is too, maybe she is taking a little break ATM. If you out there Helen, hello!!!! Hope your little rainbow is being good xxx

SLC have you chosen a name for you baby? I cant remember if it was you that had Liam lined up for a boy? Beautiful urn by the way xx

Dueseptember - I cant remember you name! Do you think you are going to try again soon? 29 isnt old hun, but I know what you mean about getting going sooner rather than later. I'm 30 and want a few kids (maybe 3) so I feel I want to get moving on this baby making business.

AFM - AF arrived yesterday (woo hoo) so now this is the cycle I am officially starting to try again. In fact my CBFM just got delivered. Going to start EPO today to get that yummy cm in production ready for a bit of SMEP! Cant wait to try out the Yesbaby too when I hopefully get my peak on cbfm! 
I just watched one born every minute and felt really emotional about the midwife saying to the young girl "one more push and your going to be a mummy.' I just cant wait until its my turn! I swear when I finally get my baby I am not going to want to put it down! 

Love to all xxxx


----------



## collie_crazy

Hello ladies I'm so sorry I'm not around as much anymore - just want you to know that I do come in and catch up with how you all are and think about you often :hugs::hugs:

I just wanted to pop in and let those of you who arent on facebook know that we found out last night our little rainbow is a boy :happydance: Think I am finally accepting this pregnancy, finding out the sex has helped a lot already. I admit I was a little disappointed when she said boy as I had secretly hoped for a little girl - but the more I thought about it the more I realised that I didn't want _another _girl I wanted Emily, and no amount of wanting or wishing is going to make this rainbow be her :nope: I am just so relieved and thankful that everything looks great with him so far and hope it continues :thumbup:

Hope you are all keeping well :hugs:


----------



## Hellylou

Hi ladies - sorry not been around much... :hugs:

Gemma - great news about AF and best of luck for this cycle!

Amanda - so excited about little fella! :hugs::happydance:

Sally - good to see you're doing ok. It's such a waiting game at this stage, not knowing what's happening. Let us know how your scan goes. I'm sure this time it's perfect!

Fiona - 12 weeks already! Let us know how the scan goes x

I'm doing fine. The cat is out of the bag at work now. I couldn't resist telling - they are all so lovely, more like friends than colleagues, and I'm at the stage where I think they would have to know about it if the worst happened anyway. I'm 9 weeks tomorrow and I have a scan on Thurs 16th, so I'm hoping everything is ok...fingers crossed. I'm certainly feeling pregnant now - bbs are very sore and HUGE, bad nausea, and exhausted, and none of my clothes fit any more! Hang in there, little one! I can't seem to get the idea out of my head that this is a girl. It's so strange! I had no feeling either way with Thomas, but I know I didn't have nausea this bad. Time will tell!

One Born Every Minute was so harrowing to watch this week. I don't know if I should be watching it. OH said to me 'why are you watching this?!' as I sat there and sobbed...I'm a glutton for punishment!


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## OliveBay

Amanda, great news about your little boy. I'm so pleased for you and I hope you continue to enjoy this.

Fiona, so exciting about your house. Let the nesting commence!

Gemma, have lots of fun with SMEP :happydance: I know what you mean about One Born Every Minute. I watch the whole thing through blurry, teary eyes! Its only very recently that I can even bear to watch it at all. It really makes me admire midwives, they do such an amazing job.


----------



## OliveBay

Yay, Helen, missed your post as I was busy writing my own! So lovely to hear from you. I wonder if I may have to tell quite early this time, as I already feel bloated and tend to wear quite fitted clothes for work. I've decided that if all is well at the scan next week I'm going to tell my parents. I really want to tell someone already, I'm feeling so impatient!


----------



## FngrsCrossed

Good morning ladies...it looks like I haven't been around much either, like a lot of us. Busy, busy, busy. Between :laundry:,:iron:,:dishes:,:shower:'ing,:hangwashing:, being ->:wedding:, :friends:, annoying :telephone: calls, and :sex:; I think all of us have a lot to :juggle:. Plus I had a "moment" of estrogen the other day and was a sobbing, :cry:, almost nasal mucus secreting mess. Oh that estrogen! I started thinking about my baby, that weird positive looking hpt last month, and was wondering if I was even going to OV, and there I went!! I missed him so much and starting :cry:'ing. I am so bad you guys, I made DH feel so bad. I don't even want to mention what I told him because it was not nice and wrong. But it pertained to our baby...:shy: Then I ended up showing him that test and he was in denial. I felt like he didn't believe me and was calling me a liar, when the test was staring him in the face on the computer screen. I think I felt attacked by then. But I am so embarrassed and hurt that I did that. I haven't even apologized to him :nope:. That's bad enough not to pologize. I know I owe him that much, and I will.. I just haven't figured out how to...yes I have, just waiting til' today. I always just take the straightforward approach to apoligizing. The killing thing is that he has acted as if he knows it was hormones or a woman thing, because he hasn't mentioned it and we have BD'ed a lot since then.:blush: I feel so mean! That's not me but I feel like a mean girl or something. Dang hormones, here we go again, I feel all sappy and gooey...:dohh:

The battle of :muaha:!! lol God help me. Someone please tell me shame on me so that I can feel better and apologize already...:sad1:


----------



## feeble

can you do something lovely like cook a nice meal with candles by way of an apology x

then it might come a bit more naturally than feeling like a naughty school girl on her way to the headmasters office LOL


----------



## blav

SMEP started this morning! With our schedules it's easier to BD in the morning than at night. I really hope this works! If I get pg this cycle we would find out right around my due date and my new due date would be right around when Mateo was born so there would be something a little bittersweet but also special about getting pg this month! 

It's been slow around here, hope everyone is well!


----------



## Bride2b

Oh yay Britney glad you have started to smep! :sex: woo hoo. I cant wait to see if it works!

Sally glad your ok, its not long until your first scan, thats exciting!

Helen its great you have let the cat out the bag, I bet people are really taking care of you at work.

I did write a post earlier on my phone but dont think it worked!

I saw that in 2 weeks One born every minute has a lady on it who lost a baby at 22 weeks & we will see her rainbow, no doubt this will be an emotional episode! 

x


----------



## Bride2b

Oh Amanda fabulous news about :blue: 

Maybe its a good thing that it is a boy so this baby and Emily will have a different identities. But I know what you mean about hoping for a girl as then it might give you an idea of how Emily might have been growing up. I would love a boy next time as it might give me an idea of what Bertie might have been like. I know every child is different, but you cant help but wonder. If my rainbow is a girl I wont complain though, as I could always see myself with a girl and had hoped last time I would get a girl. I do feel guilty about wanting a girl & stupidly even thought that this might be why I lost Bertie as he was a boy. I had said as long as the baby is healthy I dont care, and really I did mean it. But I love the fact I have a son, even though he is in heaven he is my beautiful boy and always will be.:flower:


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> Oh yay Britney glad you have started to smep! :sex: woo hoo. I cant wait to see if it works!
> 
> Sally glad your ok, its not long until your first scan, thats exciting!
> 
> Helen its great you have let the cat out the bag, I bet people are really taking care of you at work.
> 
> I did write a post earlier on my phone but dont think it worked!
> 
> I saw that in 2 weeks One born every minute has a lady on it who lost a baby at 22 weeks & we will see her rainbow, no doubt this will be an emotional episode!
> 
> x

Oh wow, tears all around for that episode!

I keep seeing a commercial for the new season of that show with the Duggars and it says something about being together through the good times and they show clips of the whole family trying to pick out baby names and the bad times where the show the mom crying at her doctors appointment and then what appears to be the funeral. It makes me burst out in tears every time....I'm tearing up just writing this now. So very sad :cry:


----------



## Bride2b

Gosh I'm not surprised! They wouldnt show that on TV here I dont think, as too many people would probably complain. 

Last night a woman had a 10lb something baby and the shoulders got stuck, they spent what seemed like ages in theatre trying to get this baby out. They had the womans knees up by her ankles and I know initially they gave her an episiostomy (sorry cant spell it) but I think they had to cut her more as they tried to turn the baby & get the arm out. The midwives all looked scared and worried, and they kept showing the clock as each minute passed with this poor baby stuck. Loads of people on facebook had made comments on 'how lucky we are to have had no complications & healthy babies' etc. I just thought these people on facebook dont know the half of it, and hopefully never have to experience what some of us have. It really upset me how they are all so 'sheltered' from the harsh reality of some pregnancies.

What CD are you on Britney? x


----------



## blav

So true Gemma, people just don't understand. This is truly the only place I feel 100% comfortable talking about my feelings and things. I do with OH as well, but other people just don't get it.

I'm on CD 8, first day of SMEP...we're going out of town this weekend and could have stayed with family but opted to get a hotel instead (because we have to BD on Saturday :blush:). 

Really hoping this is the month!


----------



## jojo23

Amanda im so so happy for you.. a lovely lil boy :) congrats hun... only a week until my scan eeeeeek! hopefully ill be able to find out what gender it is...im so excited/terrified lol!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## feeble

its exactly a week til my scan too jojo! 

i'll be 13+1 but going to ask for a gender guess anyway!


----------



## Kelly9

I don't think I'll find out the gender when we're pregnant next time. I think it's going to hurt either way. Ive wanted a girl for as long as I can remember and when I finally got her i lost her to soon. So if it's a girl I'll be sad cause I'll think of Hannah and if it's a boy I'll be sad cause I still want a girl. That being said I'll also be happy with either so based off of that maybe waiting till birth to find out is better. I still reserve the right to change my min though. I guess it all depends on how I feel about the pregnancy. 

The last couple of day have been rough for me. Lots of tears and sad moments. I can't even bring myself to watch obem I have a bunch of episodes recorded but I know I can't handle it now. 

I ended up bawling at moms group today cause two New moms joined who are pregnant. One due only 2 week after me. It's just so hard.


----------



## jojo23

awe kelly im sorry you've been feeling sad! sending you so many :hugs: hun and we're all here for you.xxxxx

i know what you mean about finding out the gender, i have changed my mind so many times about it and i know if its a girl ill be upset because it will make me think of Lily but i just pray every day for a healthy baby!!. my 20 week scan is so scary for me.... ill be 22 weeks and its exactly a year to the date i lost Lily and i was 22 weeks when i lost her! but at the same time i want to be able to tell my parents and close friends if its a boy or a girl so we can celebrate together.. i never got to do that last time it was just like wham bad news and that was it!

i cant watch obem anymore im too emotional when i watch those women so ive given up lol anyways i hope you feel a lil better soon hun xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Kelly9

Thanks. I honestly thought I'd be in a better place by now not 100% but better then where I am.

Jojo I think I'll know the gender anyway. I was bang on with both my kids I just got this intuitive feeling each time. The only way I might not intuitively know is if I end up with twins but if I'm expecting twins then I'll find out anyway just so I can be prepared.


----------



## jojo23

i think a womens intuition is her best guide for everything in life!!

i know hun its such a long road to feeling someway 'normal' again. its only really since christmas that i feel im in control of myself again. at first i couldnt control when i would cry or anything. i would be in work and someone would mention somethin stupid and i would literally have to run to the bathroom because i couldnt stop the tears. now i still cry often but i do it on my own with some of Lilys things and i just let it out.

i promise there will come a day when you dont feel like you have this huge shadow hanging over you! it will just become part of you that you live with and its there but its not overwhelming you. now i look back and think how happy i am that i had her and i wouldnt change a thing but for months i was so angry and kept saying why would god let me get pregnant only to take it from me... i couldnt understand it!!!but im so happy i had that little time with her, however short.that feeling has only come to me through time.

Hannah has an amazing mummy<3 and she will be helping you through the tough times, and there through the happy times too!! she would be so proud xxxxxx


----------



## feeble

I have never had any clue what sex i am having! I thought Jasper was a girl and got that wrong. Liam knows every time though, he knew straight away with J, straight away with our angel and this time he has decided its another girl... 

I am unsure, going to wait til the scan when i think i will be more clear x


----------



## Bride2b

Hello all, just thought I'd see how you are all doing? 

I had my first reflexology session today. I hope I feel the benefits but I know it will take a few sessions. The lady is super dooper nice that does it. I do find it hard to switch my brain off and relax. She said my body felt relaxed and that the only thing she felt on my feet was the lung part, she said it seems I am not taking in enough air, rather short breaths through stress / anxiety. Which I think is right really. She said my left side is really relaxed & that the side that has the reproductive organs. So thats a good sign. I have just ordered a hot stone aromatherapy diffuser & some oils to have at home so I can keep up the calmness. The last thing I want to do is start feeling stressed as I know this wont help me to conceive.

I start taking soy today to hopefully make some nice strong eggs! 

Just off to make a homemade butternut squash, spinach & goats cheese lasagne! Yum yum! Hope it tastes good as I'm starving! :drool:


----------



## feeble

you seem so healthy and good at giving your body what it needs :) Its lovely 

I think when Liam is making more money, we will both treat ourselves to a massage a month each ;) 

Today i am okay, yesterday was a bit shakey, i was really concerned that everything wasnt okay with the baby... but i feel a bit more positive today about it, which is good x 

I think i am just always going to feel that something is wrong until i have my baby in my arms

i am dreading the scan, but looking forward to it at the same time...


----------



## Bride2b

I think its understandable to have lots of shaky moments! I dont think you would be human without them! I'm sure your scan will be fine, but again I know what you mean I think the next time round I will be more scared, even though the 12 wk scan for me was fine & I havent had to hear any bad news at a scan. xxx


----------



## feeble

it was at a scan that we got the worst news ever :(


----------



## Bride2b

its going to be fine! just remember that! its so highly unlikely for us to have to go through what we have been again xx


----------



## Hellylou

I'm starting to wonder whether I should have this scan next week or not...

See, it was the 13 week scan where they tried to get the NT measurement and pushed really hard into my uterus causing bruising and pain for days afterwards, and I lost my mucus plug 4 days after that scan. It took 3 weeks but I think it started a chain of events that led to my waters breaking. I have always had that suspicion and I can't prove it.

My gut instinct here, is although I want to know everything's ok, I'm also terrified someone is going to hurt me again...


----------



## Bride2b

Jesus Helen what were they doing with you? They shouldnt be doing that! Can you remember the person who did it? I'd probably ask not to have them again if they were rough. Thats just shocking!
I dont know if being rough like that can cause what happened, but thats still so wrong to treat you like that! :hugs:


----------



## Nikki_d72

Helen, I think you just need to go in there knowing that you won't suffer that again - if they can't get the measurement quite quickly and they start to press hard you can just tell them to stop, that you'll make another appointment to try again another day. You are in control, not them and you know you will assert yourself if there are any problems. With that in mind you will be fine honey. It may have been nothing at all to do with your last scan but if that is something you have in your head and your gut at least you know you can control this one to mitigate against it. All the best xxx


----------



## Kelly9

No scan should cause bruising, just tell the tech your concern before they start and if it hurts tell them to stop. 

jojo, is it terrible that I wish I'd never been pregnant then? Or that I'd lost her super early? I know this feeling may someday change but right now thats how I feel. At this point I feel the pain would have been less not knowing her the way I did, for those 5 hours when I just held her and cried but other times I'm happy I got those 5 hours. I'm seeing a counsellor on wednesday at the pregnancy and infant loss program out here, they deal with counselling specifically for this kind of situation. I don't know that it will help but it's worth investigating. 

My opks are still faint, I don't think there is any change in the last couple of days. I am so eager for ovulation so I can get out of limbo and begin counting down the days for each cycle. I've been having light cramping for over a week now that feels menstrual but nothing comes of it and I haven't bled for about a week now either. I guess it's just residual cramping from the postpartum bleed?


----------



## feeble

Kelly9 said:


> No scan should cause bruising, just tell the tech your concern before they start and if it hurts tell them to stop.
> 
> jojo, is it terrible that I wish I'd never been pregnant then? Or that I'd lost her super early? I know this feeling may someday change but right now thats how I feel. At this point I feel the pain would have been less not knowing her the way I did, for those 5 hours when I just held her and cried but other times I'm happy I got those 5 hours. I'm seeing a counsellor on wednesday at the pregnancy and infant loss program out here, they deal with counselling specifically for this kind of situation. I don't know that it will help but it's worth investigating.
> 
> My opks are still faint, I don't think there is any change in the last couple of days. I am so eager for ovulation so I can get out of limbo and begin counting down the days for each cycle. I've been having light cramping for over a week now that feels menstrual but nothing comes of it and I haven't bled for about a week now either. I guess it's just residual cramping from the postpartum bleed?

My friend (who lost her husband at 25) told me that when she went to see the death councillor, they told her, that ANY life, no matter how short, is valid. It happened, we cannot wish it away or wish it was 'more' because life just is. 

You offered a wee soul an opportunity to experience the unconditional and perfect love of a mothers womb, sometimes thats all the souls are ready for, they arent strong enough to go skin-side yet, they just have to experiendec love to get them ready for the next step. 

I know your hurting and its so tough, but one day soon you will realise how special you are for being strong enough to give that experience to a soul who needed it xx


----------



## OliveBay

OliveBay said:


> I still feel like I'm in limbo until my early scan next week. Everything is going fine I think and there's no reason for me to worry, but I'm anxiously checking the paper everytime I go to the toilet and haven't really go any pregnancy symptoms expect for looking a bit bloated and feeling slight off my food every now and then. I'd just feel so reassured if i woke up with obvious morning sickness - I promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms, I just want some reassurance.

It seems I spoke too soon when I wrote this the other day. Have been feeling absolutely exhausted, totally starving and like I could vomit for the last 2 days. :sick: It seems my morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness has arrived. Not actually puked yet but feel like it is a constant lurking threat! Never have I felt so happy to be feeling so queasy! :happydance:

Helen, I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about your scan. It sounds like last time was awful. I'm sure it'll go fine this time, but maybe you could talk to them when you go in and let them know why you're feeling like that, then hopefully they'll reassure you and be really gentle with you :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

OliveBay said:


> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> I still feel like I'm in limbo until my early scan next week. Everything is going fine I think and there's no reason for me to worry, but I'm anxiously checking the paper everytime I go to the toilet and haven't really go any pregnancy symptoms expect for looking a bit bloated and feeling slight off my food every now and then. I'd just feel so reassured if i woke up with obvious morning sickness - I promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms, I just want some reassurance.
> 
> It seems I spoke too soon when I wrote this the other day. Have been feeling absolutely exhausted, totally starving and like I could vomit for the last 2 days. :sick: It seems my morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness has arrived. Not actually puked yet but feel like it is a constant lurking threat! Never have I felt so happy to be feeling so queasy! :happydance:
> 
> Helen, I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about your scan. It sounds like last time was awful. I'm sure it'll go fine this time, but maybe you could talk to them when you go in and let them know why you're feeling like that, then hopefully they'll reassure you and be really gentle with you :hugs:Click to expand...

Yay :happydance: yay :happydance: yay :happydance: for 24 hours a day nausea!!!! I'm really not being mean, its a good sign! I had it 24/7 for about 8 weeks, even at night when I was trying to sleep....I didnt get much sleep! I found it so hard getting into a position I didnt feel sick in! I hope I get that again sooooooon!

I'm so excited for you! :happydance:


----------



## Hellylou

Thanks ladies. I think I wont be having any NT measurements this time anyway, I don't want them prodding too much. A quick scan just to check all is ok and that's it for me I think. I remember afterwards I went to the loo because my bladder was full and wiped and saw blood. I told the midwife and she said 'oh let us know if it gets any worse' and left it at that. I did mention how much the woman had pushed into me but she dismissed it. It hurt to walk for days afterwards. I don't know why I didn't make more of a fuss about it at the time. There are so many times I wished I'd done more. I don't really think any of it could have been prevented once it was happening, but what if that scan really did cause a bleed, and start something off? When I was being scanned before losing Thomas the placenta was the same side as where the tech had pushed into me and it was showing a clot behind it. I know for sure I was bruised there because it hurt so much, but I thought it was just my muscle that she bruised, not the uterus itself, but maybe she did!

I remember it was a few days after my loss and I was home. I woke up in a sweat and remembered the scan. I just went cold when I thought about it. I told my consultant but she was dismissive, saying it was very unlikely. But I know what I saw and what I felt. The tech let me have my scan pic for free because she had been so 'rough' with me, as she put it.

The way I see it, is that if this is what caused it, it's preventable next time, and I really don't want to do anything that might cause this to happen again. My instinct is saying leave me alone this time. :cry:


----------



## mhazzab

Wow Helen you are 9 weeks already, wish we had these tickers in FB so i could keep track better!. Try not to think too much about the 'what ifs' from your last scan, when I start thinking that way I just get upset, because there is nothing I can do to change what happened. I know I made the best choices I could at the time although with hindsight and new knowledge I would make some different decisions again.. I think it's worth you explaining your situation and your fears and make sure the tech knows to stop if you say so. You are in control and don't have to let them do anything you dont want them to. Do you have a date for the scan yet? Xx


----------



## mhazzab

OliveBay said:


> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> I still feel like I'm in limbo until my early scan next week. Everything is going fine I think and there's no reason for me to worry, but I'm anxiously checking the paper everytime I go to the toilet and haven't really go any pregnancy symptoms expect for looking a bit bloated and feeling slight off my food every now and then. I'd just feel so reassured if i woke up with obvious morning sickness - I promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms, I just want some reassurance.
> 
> It seems I spoke too soon when I wrote this the other day. Have been feeling absolutely exhausted, totally starving and like I could vomit for the last 2 days. :sick: It seems my morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness has arrived. Not actually puked yet but feel like it is a constant lurking threat! Never have I felt so happy to be feeling so queasy! :happydance:
> 
> Helen, I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about your scan. It sounds like last time was awful. I'm sure it'll go fine this time, but maybe you could talk to them when you go in and let them know why you're feeling like that, then hopefully they'll reassure you and be really gentle with you :hugs:Click to expand...

Sally, Yay for the symptoms! I had that queasy thing too, but was never sick. I still check for blood or weird discharge! I'm so happy you are ill, lol! Do you have a scan date?
I had my 20 week scan on thurs, baby looks well, no issues found, and my cervix is tightly closed with no funnelling observed. I feel a lot better now!
Xx


----------



## ericacaca

Hi there ladies... just a quick update. I'm ok - had a bit of pink spotting today and last night after a week without it - but I've been on my feet alot over the past couple of days and midqife has said if it gets heavier/continous to go into hospital. Still so on edge! But hey.... I always will be x


----------



## Hellylou

Erica - so glad you're ok. Take it easy as much as you can. Did they check your cervix for irritation?

Sally - yay for sickness! It's a good sign. I'm still having a bit of nausea but it's definitely easing off a bit now. 

I will definitely tell them at the scan to be really gentle on me after last time. I'm in on Thursday 16th for booking in and I assume a scan too. That's at 1.30pm so I will definitely update. I'm just so tired and irritable. I should be happy but this is something I've always suffered with during pregnancy - me and hormones don't mix too well. It's why I could never go on the pill. It turned me into a grump monster - snappy and irrational, just like pregnancy. I remember after having my first two it was like a curtain lifting each time and I was 'back'. Obviously after Thomas it was different... I'm just not myself when I'm pregnant! I wish I knew how to combat it! I don't know if anyone else suffers from this?


----------



## feeble

Yes I get the same thing... Try orange juice x


----------



## jojo23

hey girls... so i just came on to have a little moan! i have had a horrible few days :(
i have very bad sciatic pain in my back/leg at the moment so thurs night i was awake at 5am last night 4am and all day long been so painful.

last night i was stopped at traffic lights and a women crashed into the back of my car! it jerked me forward enough for the seatbelt to tighten around my bump so i called the maternity ward and they said to cum in for a check up. had a scan all was fine with bubs but it hasnt stopped me worrying all day long as i havent felt very many kicks.

just had to have a lil moan :( xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Oh Jojo bless your heart, how scary!!! :hugs: not a good few days then!x

Helen I feel really sad that your feeling a bit fragile atm, maybe mention to the person who does the ultrasound that last time the person was rough with you and air your concerns. Hope you start to feel better soon, its a shame that pregnancy turns you into a hormone crazed woman - maybe its a good thing though as it shows the hormones are there helping your rainbow to grow xx

Mhairi - were you not tempted to find out what you are having? xx Glad your scan went well.

Erica hope that spotting stops hun xxx


----------



## ericacaca

Helly - I havent been in for any obs.... I really don't want any unless absolutely neccesary, I had loads with little Eve and I just get paranoid that that might have caused the infection in the first place! xxx


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> Mhairi - were you not tempted to find out what you are having? xx Glad your scan went well

Yes it was a big relief to have a good scan, particularly the cervix part! I was slightly tempted to find out, but we have both always been in agreement that we just want to find out when baby is born. It's more fun for us. Happy to speculate and gender guess but I don't want it confirmed, if that makes sense! Almost everyone who has seen the pics says girl though, as do I. We'll see if I'm right in June! 
Hope you are well Gemma, i miss talking to you! X

Erica I'm sorry you have had more bleeding that must be scary but sure everything is okay :hugs: xx

Joelene, sorry you have been in pain and I can't believe someone crashed into you Grrr. Just you take it easy. Not long till you see baby againxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Mhairi I think instincts are usually right. I knew 100% we were having a boy, there was no doubt in my mind. Its funny how you just 'know.' I have said to OH that next time I'm not sure I want to find out. We didnt get to our scan where they will tell you, I had Bertie at exactly a week before, so I havent experienced that whole 'its a boy' thing when its good news. I'm sure when we get to it I will cave in and want to know!

Hows your bump doing? Is it really obvious yet? xx

I'm so excited for all you ladies that are expecting :hugs: its just so nice to see after so much heartbreak xxx


----------



## feeble

I have never been sure of what sex I am having, Liam knew with both the other pregnancies straight away but it's taken him a while this time... He has settled on girl though :)


----------



## mhazzab

Bride2b said:


> Mhairi I think instincts are usually right. I knew 100% we were having a boy, there was no doubt in my mind. Its funny how you just 'know.' I have said to OH that next time I'm not sure I want to find out. We didnt get to our scan where they will tell you, I had Bertie at exactly a week before, so I havent experienced that whole 'its a boy' thing when its good news. I'm sure when we get to it I will cave in and want to know!
> 
> Hows your bump doing? Is it really obvious yet? xx
> 
> I'm so excited for all you ladies that are expecting :hugs: its just so nice to see after so much heartbreak xxx

Well my instincts were totally wrong last time I thought I was having two boys, oops. My bump is pretty obvious and has been for weeks! Definately started showing earlier this time. I miss my girls so much but it's good to have something to look forward to. 
Can't wait to hear some rainbow news from you x


----------



## jojo23

thanks mhairi im so so happy you had a good scan :) yeah thursday is the big day and the scan they did last night was lovely baby was really going for it lol so many movements! just got a fright from the accident is all and still a little worried even tho i saw little one was ok!

i love hearing about everything girls xxxxxxxx


----------



## mhazzab

jojo23 said:


> thanks mhairi im so so happy you had a good scan :) yeah thursday is the big day and the scan they did last night was lovely baby was really going for it lol so many movements! just got a fright from the accident is all and still a little worried even tho i saw little one was ok!
> 
> i love hearing about everything girls xxxxxxxx

Thanks joelene! Of course, you got to see baby last night too. At least some good came out of your smash! Do you feel better now for seeing baby?

Mine is so active all the time, yet did bugger all when I was at my scan. Just lay there all curled up and didnt do anything. Couldn't believe it! X


----------



## Bride2b

jojo23 said:


> thanks mhairi im so so happy you had a good scan :) yeah thursday is the big day and the scan they did last night was lovely baby was really going for it lol so many movements! just got a fright from the accident is all and still a little worried even tho i saw little one was ok!
> 
> i love hearing about everything girls xxxxxxxx

Ummm yeah, I know its not good that you had that person crash into you, but it forced you into an earlier scan.....are you still worried for your scan next week? xx


----------



## Bride2b

mhazzab said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> Mhairi I think instincts are usually right. I knew 100% we were having a boy, there was no doubt in my mind. Its funny how you just 'know.' I have said to OH that next time I'm not sure I want to find out. We didnt get to our scan where they will tell you, I had Bertie at exactly a week before, so I havent experienced that whole 'its a boy' thing when its good news. I'm sure when we get to it I will cave in and want to know!
> 
> Hows your bump doing? Is it really obvious yet? xx
> 
> I'm so excited for all you ladies that are expecting :hugs: its just so nice to see after so much heartbreak xxx
> 
> Well my instincts were totally wrong last time I thought I was having two boys, oops. My bump is pretty obvious and has been for weeks! Definately started showing earlier this time. I miss my girls so much but it's good to have something to look forward to.
> Can't wait to hear some rainbow news from you xClick to expand...

Oh so for now its team :yellow: all the way! I like yellow! We are having a yellow colour scheme for our wedding!
I hope I have rainbow news soon! I feel really positive. Just hope I still feel that way if I dont get my BFP this month. Its a big expectation for the first month back ttc but other people get it so why cant I?! :thumbup:


----------



## jojo23

i think ill always be worried lol but not anywhere near as much as i was. she said everything looked fine last night and there was plenty of fluid etc around baby so its all good signs! ill prob worry until the day this LO turns 18 lol...fingers crossed!

awe mhairi its typical isnt it lol lazy when you want them to be active and vice versa. but at least i did get a scan after all the craziness xxxxx


----------



## Kelly9

Does anyone know why they call it a "rainbow" baby? Is it cause it normally comes out after the rain or something?


----------



## kiki04

Yeah it's like after the storm comes a rainbow :)


----------



## Bride2b

Totally off topic but I just cant believe Whitney Houston has died! I think she is one of the all time greatest female artists ever! And I love 'The Bodyguard' it's so sad when you hear of these amazing talents that dont live to be very old.. Micheal Jackson, Patrick Swayze! Sad day for Whitney fans xx


----------



## Nikki_d72

Kelly9 said:


> Does anyone know why they call it a "rainbow" baby? Is it cause it normally comes out after the rain or something?

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."


----------



## jojo23

there wouldnt be a rainbow without any rain :) xxxx


----------



## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> there wouldnt be a rainbow without any rain :) xxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: How true that is..XooXoo


----------



## OliveBay

mhazzab said:


> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> OliveBay said:
> 
> 
> I still feel like I'm in limbo until my early scan next week. Everything is going fine I think and there's no reason for me to worry, but I'm anxiously checking the paper everytime I go to the toilet and haven't really go any pregnancy symptoms expect for looking a bit bloated and feeling slight off my food every now and then. I'd just feel so reassured if i woke up with obvious morning sickness - I promise to never complain about any pregnancy symptoms, I just want some reassurance.
> 
> It seems I spoke too soon when I wrote this the other day. Have been feeling absolutely exhausted, totally starving and like I could vomit for the last 2 days. :sick: It seems my morning (and afternoon and evening) sickness has arrived. Not actually puked yet but feel like it is a constant lurking threat! Never have I felt so happy to be feeling so queasy! :happydance:
> 
> Helen, I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious about your scan. It sounds like last time was awful. I'm sure it'll go fine this time, but maybe you could talk to them when you go in and let them know why you're feeling like that, then hopefully they'll reassure you and be really gentle with you :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Sally, Yay for the symptoms! I had that queasy thing too, but was never sick. I still check for blood or weird discharge! I'm so happy you are ill, lol! Do you have a scan date?
> I had my 20 week scan on thurs, baby looks well, no issues found, and my cervix is tightly closed with no funnelling observed. I feel a lot better now!
> XxClick to expand...

Thanks for the reassurance, Mhairi. I have an early scan this Tuesday to check my dates (since I didn't wait a cycle after my early loss the month before I conceived this one). I'm getting excited but a bit nervous now, trying to stay positive that I'll see a little blob thats the right size, rather than being told something is wrong.
I'm glad your scan went well x


Erica and Joelene, sorry to hear about your little setbacks. Hope you are both keeping well and eveything is ok now :hugs:


----------



## jojo23

thanks hun im perfectly fine thank god. baby moving loads and loads today! 

glad your having your early scan, i had an early scan at 6 weeks and wasnt really expecting much but they could show me the yolk sac and egg and the flutter of a heartbeat although it was very faint at that stage!!sending you lots of hugs and prayers xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## yazoo

Hi girls, how r u all doing? I'm so sorry that I haven't been around much. Taking some time out has been good for me I think. When I cane here every day and read new stories I would dream that it was me that was experiencing someone else's story but I've had no nightmares like that since taking a little break so it has definitely done me some good. I really don't have the time anymore to come here as much as I did also. By the time I get home from work, get dinner etc it's pretty late. I think about you all alot and I how you are all doing ok. My laptop is away getting fixed but when I get it back I will read further back on the posts and see what's going on with you all. I'm still ttc but if it doesnt happen this month we are going to take a break for a few months so fingers crossed this is our month. Xxx


----------



## jojo23

Tanya hun im so happy to hear from you!! i guessed you were taking some time away.... im glad your feeling a little better and we all totally understand that sometimes we need a break!!

ill say a little prayer for you hun i really hope this is your month xxxxxxx love to you xxxxxxx


----------



## Kelly9

Nikki_d72 said:


> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone know why they call it a "rainbow" baby? Is it cause it normally comes out after the rain or something?
> 
> "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."Click to expand...

Thats so well said. I copied it to use when the time comes and i get my rainbow baby. I want one so bad. 

Now question time, I'm still cramping. My bleeding stopped about a week ago, all I've had is some beige or tan cm actually lots of it. But the cramping lingers. For the most part it's not bad just feels menstrual, is this normal? I would have thought the cramping would be gone by now especially since I'm not bleeding anymore. I also have been having a really sore lower back, I had it before I delivered Hannah but also thought this would be gone by now since it didn't start till I was pg. I don't remember ever cramping or having back pain this long after my son.... suggestions?


----------



## feeble

It took me a good 4 weeks to get back to normal, i kept having random periods and crampy cramps 

it obviously wasnt an issue because i got pregnant again 2 weeks later! 

I would just try and remember that its a lot for our bodies to go through so give yourself time and rest xx


----------



## Bride2b

So just opened my post to find a letter from a children's centre about support for parents for 0-5 year olds...... I don't have a child, I don't need to be contacted by people from children's centres where new mums go and drink coffee & talk babies! Should there not be some way of stopping my information for being passed on to these places,it's obviously come via registration with the midwife. Why is it when you start to feel like you have passed these reminders does another come and slap you right across the face? Blahhhhhh! This has made me feel shitty!!

I met my cousins 5 month old baby for the first time yesterday, I was really brave and held him,usually I would shy away,even before all this I would never have volunteered myself to hold a baby. But I really hoped someone would ask me, and it felt so so right! It felt so natural. I have never felt like this before. I have always felt awkward around babies,but I felt so confident, I felt I knew what to do because I'm a mum (even though my baby is in heaven). I don't know if that makes any sense?
I though I'd share with you as I felt proud of myself & I know that this is what I want,more than anything else. Xx


----------



## feeble

Sorry your getting letters, I think you need to call your health visitor at your GP and give them some grief. They will be the ones sending your the letters. 

It took me over 3hrs to stop pampers from sending me bloody emails about what stage of development my baby was after it died :(. They are just such muppets it should be EASY 

Congrats on holding the baby, I haven't held a baby since I had my loss, but I don't think I would mind... It's a bit different though because I still have jasper and really he is still a baby 

Well done x your right to feel proud of yourself x


----------



## jojo23

Bride2b said:


> So just opened my post to find a letter from a children's centre about support for parents for 0-5 year olds...... I don't have a child, I don't need to be contacted by people from children's centres where new mums go and drink coffee & talk babies! Should there not be some way of stopping my information for being passed on to these places,it's obviously come via registration with the midwife. Why is it when you start to feel like you have passed these reminders does another come and slap you right across the face? Blahhhhhh! This has made me feel shitty!!
> 
> I met my cousins 5 month old baby for the first time yesterday, I was really brave and held him,usually I would shy away,even before all this I would never have volunteered myself to hold a baby. But I really hoped someone would ask me, and it felt so so right! It felt so natural. I have never felt like this before. I have always felt awkward around babies,but I felt so confident, I felt I knew what to do because I'm a mum (even though my baby is in heaven). I don't know if that makes any sense?
> I though I'd share with you as I felt proud of myself & I know that this is what I want,more than anything else. Xx

Hey hun awe i know those stupid emails and letters annoyed me so much i actually changed my email address in the end lol... its such a setback!
im so happy you held a baby hun its the most natural thing in the world even though its so difficult for anyone that has had a loss. im very proud of you xxxxxxx:hugs:


----------



## blav

So much to catch up on!

I actually got a package of formula in the mail recently and it was so frustrating because somehow they knew to update my mailing address when I moved but my baby doesn't need formula, jackasses. Ugh...those emails and things in the mail are the worst.

I had a great weekend...OH and I drove 7 hours to surprise my family with a visit! My mom and sisters had driven 10 and a half hours south to be with my great grandmother on her 90th birthday so we made the drive north to meet in the middle and surprise everyone and it was great!

I feel like I've been slacking on my TTC a little this month, but it feels good. I haven't really been tracking BBT. I'm doing OPK and SMEP and CM but it's just less than before. I'm trying to think about it less and not symptom spot as much, but in a good way! I still hope this is the month though!

Hope you all are doing well :hugs:


----------



## Bride2b

blav said:


> I feel like I've been slacking on my TTC a little this month, but it feels good. I haven't really been tracking BBT. I'm doing OPK and SMEP and CM but it's just less than before. I'm trying to think about it less and not symptom spot as much, but in a good way! I still hope this is the month though!
> 
> Hope you all are doing well :hugs:

Hey if you've been following SMEP I wouldnt call it slacking! Thats a heck of a slog!!! Maybe its good you've ditched temping, sometimes all these things and the worry prevent us from getting out BFP. Your 6 days ahead of me, what day do you usually ov?x


----------



## blav

Usually a little later like CD 18 or so...we will see what happens soon enough. I would just be elated if we both got out BFPs this month! 

Like an idiot ive locked myself out of the house....waiting to someone to rescue me!


----------



## Kelly9

I'll be seeing a friend with a 2 month old on wednesday, not sure if i want to hold her baby girl yet. We'll see how I feel. 

I'm 31 days post partum now and no sign of ov with the opks, having lots of cm though and have been for the last 5 or so days. No idea what my body is doing but I hope so badly that AF shows by the end of this month whether I Ovulate or not.


----------



## Bride2b

blav said:


> Usually a little later like CD 18 or so...we will see what happens soon enough. I would just be elated if we both got out BFPs this month!
> 
> Like an idiot ive locked myself out of the house....waiting to someone to rescue me!

Oh no! I hope its not cold where you live! I would be thrilled if we both got our BFP this month!!!!!! That would be amazing! So you still have about 6 days to go until OV.....so these next few BD's are super important :happydance: 

I booked a smear test today the next appointment they have is like 29th (possible in my fertile zone?? who knows) I tell you what I will not be going if it is in my fertile time as theres no chance I'm not going to BD for a smear!! Will have to reschedule! I have to have them yearly due to shitty cells. I need one soon just incase I get pg, I dont want anything interfering with being pg.

Having a shitty day today, I just keep trying to do some deep breathing like my reflexologist showed me...I'm so trying to keep 'in the zone' so not to undo any of the reflexology!


----------



## blav

Bride2b said:


> blav said:
> 
> 
> Usually a little later like CD 18 or so...we will see what happens soon enough. I would just be elated if we both got out BFPs this month!
> 
> Like an idiot ive locked myself out of the house....waiting to someone to rescue me!
> 
> Oh no! I hope its not cold where you live! I would be thrilled if we both got our BFP this month!!!!!! That would be amazing! So you still have about 6 days to go until OV.....so these next few BD's are super important :happydance:
> 
> I booked a smear test today the next appointment they have is like 29th (possible in my fertile zone?? who knows) I tell you what I will not be going if it is in my fertile time as theres no chance I'm not going to BD for a smear!! Will have to reschedule! I have to have them yearly due to shitty cells. I need one soon just incase I get pg, I dont want anything interfering with being pg.
> 
> Having a shitty day today, I just keep trying to do some deep breathing like my reflexologist showed me...I'm so trying to keep 'in the zone' so not to undo any of the reflexology!Click to expand...

Its not too cold thankfully. Just sitting in my car texting my mom and watching YouTube videos. Never thought I'd be so glad I upgraded to the iPhone last week lol!! 

OH and I BD this morning and tried to make it count! Only a couple more top O!!


----------



## Bride2b

Kelly9 said:


> I'll be seeing a friend with a 2 month old on wednesday, not sure if i want to hold her baby girl yet. We'll see how I feel.
> 
> I'm 31 days post partum now and no sign of ov with the opks, having lots of cm though and have been for the last 5 or so days. No idea what my body is doing but I hope so badly that AF shows by the end of this month whether I Ovulate or not.

Its a real guessing game with how our bodies work after a loss. Its so frustrating! Well if your cm turns egg white then make sure you BD, you never know what might happen. Have you got any more info on your next FET? xx


----------



## Kelly9

My nips are sensitive which is normally a sign of ovulation shortly. No more info on FET, don't get to call in till my period shows. We have been did every second day roughly. A miracle bfp would certainly help turn the tide of events here but I've learned not to hope for it, less stress that way.


----------



## Bride2b

My first AF came about 6 weeks after so you might get it sooner rather than later (hopefully) then you can get on the case with the FET, thats if nature doesnt take its course first. I know what you mean about getting your hopes up, either way I'm sure your wait is nearly over xx


----------



## Kelly9

^ It may very well be, I got an almost positive opk today which I used to get the day or two before I would actually ovulate. I so hope it's positive tomorrow and that my lp is at least 10 days. My first cycle after my son my lp was 4 days but I was bf'ing. My hormones should be normal now. I also have sensitive nipples which I get before Ov. Will do another opk tonight to see if it's darker or appears faster. I'm just hoping todays wasn't a fluke and the lines don't get lighter.

On a completely unrelated note, my barely 18 month old son peed in the potty for the first time ever today.


----------



## blav

Kelly9 said:


> ^ It may very well be, I got an almost positive opk today which I used to get the day or two before I would actually ovulate. I so hope it's positive tomorrow and that my lp is at least 10 days. My first cycle after my son my lp was 4 days but I was bf'ing. My hormones should be normal now. I also have sensitive nipples which I get before Ov. Will do another opk tonight to see if it's darker or appears faster. I'm just hoping todays wasn't a fluke and the lines don't get lighter.
> 
> On a completely unrelated note, my barely 18 month old son peed in the potty for the first time ever today.

Yay, Skyler! That's so great! Also hoping for a normal cycle for you! Mine was normal right of the bat (AF came exactly five weeks after Mateo was born) so it can definitely happen!


----------



## Kelly9

Well tonights opks was a barely there line which is odd for me when the afternoon one is positive but it wasn't a true positive today, so either I'll get a positive tomorrow or day after or the almost positive today was as positive as it was going to get this cycle and ov is impending (which has never happened) or it was all just a fluke. I'm interested to see what happens tomorrow. I'm keeping a look out for a temp increase. 

Bride2be I've been getting ewcm for about 5 days now really stretchy and everything just tan coloured and sometimes streaked with blood which is from my postpartum bleeding.


----------



## Bride2b

I'm such a wally! I forgot about my CBFM & just flushed my fmu away!!!!! I forgot about it yesterday & forgot to turn the monitor on until after the window had passed so it didn't ask for a stick! Today I just forgot I was too busy with a thermometer in my mouth & thinking about getting downstairs to let the dogs out before one of them pees on the floor! Once I get into it I'll remember!! Im hoping with won't make much difference if I use smu as it'll only be low today on cd7!

Kelly I don't get opks,I used them last cycle & never got anything do gave up....then I think I ov'd so don't know much about them. But ewcm is good news!x


----------



## OliveBay

Just a quick update from my phone. Been for my scan and saw a little blob with a heartbeat, so all is good. Measured pretty much exactly as big as expected so looks like i was right about my dates. Feel sooooo relieved now! X


----------



## feeble

Well done on the potty Kelly! 

We bought my 19 month old a potty yesterday, within 10 minutes of it being home we had all put it on our heads! 

Which isnt the best start, but at least it's a start :)


----------



## Bride2b

OliveBay said:


> Just a quick update from my phone. Been for my scan and saw a little blob with a heartbeat, so all is good. Measured pretty much exactly as big as expected so looks like i was right about my dates. Feel sooooo relieved now! X

:cloud9: Thats great Sally xxxx :happydance: Really pleased xxxx


----------



## Hellylou

Great news Sally! :happydance:


----------



## kiki04

Sally!!! This makes me soooo happy :cloud9:


----------



## winterwonder

Happy Valentines Ladies!

Gosh, i haven't been on here in awhile, i hope everyone is getting on ok?? well guess what happened today of all days! My period arrived!!!!!!!:happydance: oh my word you have no idea how excited i am about this, this is the first real period i have had in oh ages! I'm sorry but i really needed to let somebody know that my first real period since losing bud and our 8 week angel had arrived , i may have to phone my mum later to tell her ( i've already informed hubs!!!) 

Sad i know, but it just makes me feel like my body is finally working again!

Anywho i hope all the rainbow makers are good!

and :dust: to everyone else!

christine x


----------



## Bride2b

winterwonder said:


> Happy Valentines Ladies!
> 
> Gosh, i haven't been on here in awhile, i hope everyone is getting on ok?? well guess what happened today of all days! My period arrived!!!!!!!:happydance: oh my word you have no idea how excited i am about this, this is the first real period i have had in oh ages! I'm sorry but i really needed to let somebody know that my first real period since losing bud and our 8 week angel had arrived , i may have to phone my mum later to tell her ( i've already informed hubs!!!)
> 
> Sad i know, but it just makes me feel like my body is finally working again!
> 
> Anywho i hope all the rainbow makers are good!
> 
> and :dust: to everyone else!
> 
> christine x

yay on AF arriving - it feels kind of bittersweet to know you body is getting back to normal. Does this mean you will be ttc again? xx


----------



## collie_crazy

Oh Sally that is fab news :happydance: 

Christine, I'm glad AF has arrived and your body seems to be getting back on track. Its bittersweet though so I hope you are doing ok :hugs: Will you be TTC straight away or taking a break? I hope your rainbow is on its way soon :hugs:

My work colleague that was due 4 weeks after I was had her baby last week. When the news first came in I felt that horrid (and all to familiar now) stabbing in my heart.... then came the pictures but thankfully I was home before I seen them. I cried. lots. I have been dreading it for so long but didnt really think I would react so badly. I sobbed for the first time in a long time, I actually could barely catch my breath. I ached for *my *little girl. And now my colleague is talking about bringing her LO into work to show her off... I am hoping we get prewarned of her visit so I can book the day off, or run for the fire escape at the very least. I cant handle looking at her pictures there is no way I can cope with actually seeing her. 

One of the girls in work was really sweet and took me aside after we found out she had arrived and made sure I was ok and has been good at trying to change the subject whenever the baby comes up. But the rest seem to have forgotten that I lost Emily at all... and that R and I were so close in due dates. I dont blame them but its hard. I think its probably because I am pregnant again so they assume I am ok with pregnancy, pregnant ladies and babies :shrug: but I still find myself looking at other pregnant woman and feeling sad, looking at babies and instead of getting excited feeling like something is missing :nope:

*sigh* 

But on the plus side I am starting to feel more positive about this baby. I still have times when I wonder when I will lose him, how it will happen, what I would do... but they are becoming less. I still cant quite picture him coming home but I can get excited about the prospect of it, if that makes sense? I have even bought a little blue outfit and little blue hats :happydance:


----------



## Kelly9

feeble his potty has been on his head plenty of times. 

I don't know peoples real names so I get confused with whose who, can someone make a list for me? 

I've always got strong positive with opks and I temp and have always been able to see whats going on that way.

Yay for AF. I am still waiting for mine, hoping so hard for a positive opk today.

Now I have another question,

Did any of you have a hard time reconnecting with your partner? I mean we function ok, sometimes well, and sometimes I feel like things are normal but sexually things have been hard. I told my husband flat out that I don't want to initiate sex for a while and that I won't, but that I am open to it, he's just going to have to pay attention. Basically if he tries and I don't say no then consider it ok, except he's either not paying attention or he's pushing me to ask for it and I"m not ready for that. I don't know which. I wanted to have sex last night in the event that ovulation is imminent and we were laying in bed watching tv and while watching tv he was doing actions that to me would indicate we were going to have sex, like foreplay. Only when we turned the tv off we cuddled for a bit then he rolled over and went to bed. It made me so mad, I'm just happy my temps are still lower. This is not the first time this has happened. I know I could say something but I just feel like I can't ask for it like if I do it'll make me cry or feel guilty. To be honest if I wasn't trying to take advantage of ovulation and wasn't trying to get pregnant again then I likely just wouldn't have sex, but I hate the idea of missing ovulation and a chance to create a miracle baby no matter how unlikely the chances. We need to did tonight especially if my opk is positive.


----------



## winterwonder

Bride2b said:


> winterwonder said:
> 
> 
> Happy Valentines Ladies!
> 
> Gosh, i haven't been on here in awhile, i hope everyone is getting on ok?? well guess what happened today of all days! My period arrived!!!!!!!:happydance: oh my word you have no idea how excited i am about this, this is the first real period i have had in oh ages! I'm sorry but i really needed to let somebody know that my first real period since losing bud and our 8 week angel had arrived , i may have to phone my mum later to tell her ( i've already informed hubs!!!)
> 
> Sad i know, but it just makes me feel like my body is finally working again!
> 
> Anywho i hope all the rainbow makers are good!
> 
> and :dust: to everyone else!
> 
> christine x
> 
> yay on AF arriving - it feels kind of bittersweet to know you body is getting back to normal. Does this mean you will be ttc again? xxClick to expand...

Not just yet, i dont want to feel like i'm constantly falling pregnant, also my doctor did want me to wait a couple of months, so i'm thinking end of next month we'll start ntnp as frankly thats how we fell both previously.


----------



## jojo23

yay sally great news!!! 
just wanted to pop in and say happy valentines day to you all and send you some love xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Kelly9 said:


> feeble his potty has been on his head plenty of times.
> 
> I don't know peoples real names so I get confused with whose who, can someone make a list for me?
> 
> I've always got strong positive with opks and I temp and have always been able to see whats going on that way.
> 
> Yay for AF. I am still waiting for mine, hoping so hard for a positive opk today.
> 
> Now I have another question,
> 
> Did any of you have a hard time reconnecting with your partner? I mean we function ok, sometimes well, and sometimes I feel like things are normal but sexually things have been hard. I told my husband flat out that I don't want to initiate sex for a while and that I won't, but that I am open to it, he's just going to have to pay attention. Basically if he tries and I don't say no then consider it ok, except he's either not paying attention or he's pushing me to ask for it and I"m not ready for that. I don't know which. I wanted to have sex last night in the event that ovulation is imminent and we were laying in bed watching tv and while watching tv he was doing actions that to me would indicate we were going to have sex, like foreplay. Only when we turned the tv off we cuddled for a bit then he rolled over and went to bed. It made me so mad, I'm just happy my temps are still lower. This is not the first time this has happened. I know I could say something but I just feel like I can't ask for it like if I do it'll make me cry or feel guilty. To be honest if I wasn't trying to take advantage of ovulation and wasn't trying to get pregnant again then I likely just wouldn't have sex, but I hate the idea of missing ovulation and a chance to create a miracle baby no matter how unlikely the chances. We need to did tonight especially if my opk is positive.

Dont you just hate it when blokes do that! Sometimes its obvious that we want it and they just dont get it, aside from being totally obvious like saying "have sex with me now" they dont always realise! Men are sooooo bloody annoying sometimes. I'm Gemma by the way. This link is to the thread where we all introduced ourselves not so long ago....
https://www.babyandbump.com/second-trimester-losses/826442-way.html so you can familarise yourself.

xx


----------



## Kelly9

Thanks Gemma. Well I got a blatant positive opk today so positive that there is no doubting it. Loads of ewcm and sore nips still so look like I'll be ovulating today or tomorrow. When I saw it was positive I went out to my hubby with it and said "we're having sex tonight" just so he wouldn't get confused again. If that doesn't work then I'll have to slap him next time. 

My son peed on the potty again today! Then figured out how to climb out/fall out of his crib so we've been out getting everything for hIs big boy bed.


----------



## Nikki_d72

Sally, so so happy to hear that hun! 

Christine, glad your body is getting back to normal, I know it's sad too though, hope you're OK.

Helen, how are you going/feeling?

xxx


----------



## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> Thanks Gemma. Well I got a blatant positive opk today so positive that there is no doubting it. Loads of ewcm and sore nips still so look like I'll be ovulating today or tomorrow. When I saw it was positive I went out to my hubby with it and said "we're having sex tonight" just so he wouldn't get confused again. If that doesn't work then I'll have to slap him next time.
> 
> My son peed on the potty again today! Then figured out how to climb out/fall out of his crib so we've been out getting everything for hIs big boy bed.

Hi, i read something the other day about why rainbow babies are so called. I didn`t know that.I have also seen it on the bottom of your post.
I think that is so beautiful.


----------



## SLCMommy

dancareoi - I LOVE that urn that is in the photo of your avatar!! I just bought it for my sons ashes...it is beautiful!! :)

How was valentines day?! Mine was pretty good!!

Here is a pic of DH and me on Valentines Day. It felt SO good to do something because since our loss we've just been kinda depressed.
https://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/423818_10151265430740268_676250267_22464308_2052512902_n.jpg

Also, my 7 year old daughter did a "manners" book in her class.....take a look at what she did...I think it will give you ladies a giggle!!
https://a2.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/407953_10151207933910268_676250267_22296970_440931171_n.jpg

LOL! :)


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## Bride2b

ha ha bless her! Its good to put a face to a name too xx


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## Andypanda6570

Just wanted to let everyone know I am thinking of you all and I miss you. Sorry I have not been here as much, I love this place a lot but it is hard to be here sometimes and I wont get into why.
Hope everyone is well and feeling ok, XOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

andrea hun i hope your ok! im always here if you need to chat hun xxxxxx

the big day is in 24 hours for me...20 week scan :) if you can spare a minute will you keep me in your thoughts/prayers that everything will be ok. i just know this time its different and Lily will be there to watch over me as its her special day too!

love you all xxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> andrea hun i hope your ok! im always here if you need to chat hun xxxxxx
> 
> the big day is in 24 hours for me...20 week scan :) if you can spare a minute will you keep me in your thoughts/prayers that everything will be ok. i just know this time its different and Lily will be there to watch over me as its her special day too!
> 
> love you all xxxxxxxx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Sending SOOOOOOoooooo many prayers and SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo much love.. Everything will be great!!!!
Get back here and let us know as soon as you know.. love u :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SLCMommy

jojo23 said:


> andrea hun i hope your ok! im always here if you need to chat hun xxxxxx
> 
> the big day is in 24 hours for me...20 week scan :) if you can spare a minute will you keep me in your thoughts/prayers that everything will be ok. i just know this time its different and Lily will be there to watch over me as its her special day too!
> 
> love you all xxxxxxxx

Good luck!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Best of luck Jojo, you'll be in my thoughts - I'm sure all will be fine, looking forward to hearing an update from you hun.

SLCMommy, thanks for that, it's brilliant! That made me laugh so hard, especially when I got to the bottom - frt! Ha! I hope you put this on your fridge to make everyone smile, it's gold!


xxx


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## blav

Hahaha SLC that is amazing and hilarious! Definitely have me a laugh!


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## Bride2b

Jojo best of luck Hun xxxxxx sending lots of love, thinking of you tomorrow,let us know how you get on xxxx


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## jojo23

thanks girls! i cant even sleep lol plus i have this stupid cough but im excited for the first time in ages :) ill be saying a zillion prayers tonight lol xxxxxxxx


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## Kelly9

I hope tomorrow goes wonderfully for you Jojo. :hugs: Will you find out the gender?

I held a friends 2 month old girl today, I didn't cry and though I was sad at times it felt so nice to hold a newborn again. 

Another blatant positive even stronger then yesterday but my temp was up this morning so O'd yesterday on valentines day or will tonight, will know for sure when I get a few more temps in there. 

SLC funny of your little girl lol. 

Danc...: One of the girls posted that quote on here, forget who it was now (sorry) but it was so beautiful I had to use it. I read it so many times a day.

Andrea, I hope you come back soon and things are resolved whatever they may be. I've noticed you haven't been around much.

Hi to everyone


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## dancareoi

JoJo sending lots of luck for today.


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## jojo23

thanks girls! yeah i think ill def find out if the baby co-operates lol my OH and i are the most laid back people ever so we'll need the next few months to pick names etc or poor little bubz will have no name :) 

Kelly9 sending you so many positive thoughts hun... ov'ing on valentines day so romantic lol. so good that you can track your cycles xxxxx


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

All the best, Jo..I am sooooooooooooooo thinking of you xoxoxoxo:hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

thanks andrea 4 hours to go eeeeeeeeek xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Andypanda6570

jojo23 said:


> thanks andrea 4 hours to go eeeeeeeeek xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

LOL... You will be ok and everything will go great!!! You already know that cause I already know that so we both already know that :wacko::wacko::wacko: you know? :haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:
XOXOOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jojo23

lol im on serious countdown now 1.5 hours. oh im so scared girls but excited scared you know!love u all xxxxx


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## Hellylou

Hi girls - just a quick update - had a scan today and everything looks good. Very wriggly little bean! Measuring slightly ahead of dates so 10+2 so have adjusted my ticker - I've gained 4 days! :happydance:

The real bittersweet part is that my due date is now 11th September, the day after I lost Thomas. I can't quite get my head around that. Felt quite tearful. Still, so far so good.

Jojo, can't wait to hear your update x

Hope everyone's ok. :hugs:


----------



## OliveBay

Great news Helen, I'm so glad it went well. I presume you'll still get the usual 12-13 week scan as well, or was this one instead of that?

We need an update from jojo now. Such a busy day for scans!


----------



## Hellylou

No, that's it now til 20 weeks, all being well, which is fine by me. I was invited to come back at 12 weeks for NT measurement scan, but I refused that - I have turned down all screening. I don't want any more scans than are necessary, and I wouldn't have amnio anyway, so if I came back as high risk from those tests I wouldn't take it any further. I just want as little poking and prodding as possible this time around. I don't know if that really had anything to do with anything last time but it will make me feel better just leaving things alone now. I'm happy that so far little bubs is looking fine, and will be getting the 16 week check with midwife and have consultant appt in 4 weeks.


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## Bride2b

Thats great news Helen, I cant believe your 10 + 4 already! Where does time go? Do you know what they will do for you at your consultants? I mean additional care to keep a closer eye this time? xx So pleased all is well. I find it so amazing how these little rainbows keep having dates that correspond with their angel brothers and sisters. As your little rainbow is due the day after Thomas, Jo has her scan today on Lilys birthday. Its really strange how this all works out xx


----------



## Bride2b

Jo how did you get on? xx Are you team pink or blue? xx


----------



## Kelly9

Jo hope all is well.

Helen great news on the scan.

My body is tricking me or making me wait, my temp went back down today after two days of very positive opks. I'll do another one today and if it's not positive I'll expect another temp rise tomorrow so looks like I will O today or O'd sometime in the early hours of this morning. At least I hope. My belly is very tender again today, it seems to come and go, one minute I feel fine then the next it hurts to push on it and I worry about infection. I have a scan tomorrow to check my uterus and the fistula so hopefully they'll say no signs of infection and everything is well. Now I just need my body to ovulate!


----------



## OliveBay

Fiona, i know you're probably still watching this thread and section of the forum, even if you don't feel like posting here at the moment. I just want to know how your scan went. I hope all is well. Please don't stay away - there are probably lots of ladies on here who care and want to know that your little rainbow is ok x:hugs:


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## jojo23

hi girls sorry didnt get on yesterday for an update was a very busy day lol!! so everything went perfect! little bubs is doing great and was moving around so much it took the poor lady doing the scan 2 or 3 goes getting measurements hehe... and im on team BLUE :) a little boy :):):) im so happy that its kinda scary lol. i held my breath the whole way through the scan and then when it was all finished i cried my eyes out lol but i was just so relieved. he shoved his little boy parts right up to the screen on show for the world haha thank you all so much for your thoughts girls its helped me more than you will all know!!

we couldnt get out to Lilys grave yesterday as it was pouring rain all day and its quite a long walk up so we're going today but i know she wont mind! she definitely gave me a helping hand yesterday!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## OliveBay

Kelly, I hope you get some reassurance at your scan today. Hope your body gets back to normal soon x


----------



## Bride2b

jojo23 said:


> hi girls sorry didnt get on yesterday for an update was a very busy day lol!! so everything went perfect! little bubs is doing great and was moving around so much it took the poor lady doing the scan 2 or 3 goes getting measurements hehe... and im on team BLUE :) a little boy :):):) im so happy that its kinda scary lol. i held my breath the whole way through the scan and then when it was all finished i cried my eyes out lol but i was just so relieved. he shoved his little boy parts right up to the screen on show for the world haha thank you all so much for your thoughts girls its helped me more than you will all know!!
> 
> we couldnt get out to Lilys grave yesterday as it was pouring rain all day and its quite a long walk up so we're going today but i know she wont mind! she definitely gave me a helping hand yesterday!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Congrats hun,so pleased it went well & your little man was being all wriggly! It's excellent news xxx

Good luck today Kelly xx


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## OliveBay

Yay jo, must have just posted at the same time as you. Then I spent ages writing a reply on my phone but pressed a wrong button and the whole flipping thing disappeared :dohh: Have turned the computer on now as typing on my phone just drives me mad!

I'm so pleased the scan went well for you. Sounds like you've got a really cheeky little boy in there!

Did you find out the gender when you were pregnat last time? We didn't and I'm intending to do the same this time, although I'm so impatient I'm not sure I can wait. Plus, I'm worried that I might not bond as well with this baby during pregnancy because of being worried about something going wrong, and I wonder whether finding out the gender will help me bond more. I do have a hunch that this one willl be another boy, which I would totally love, but in a way I think it would be easier if it was a girl, then I'll know for sure that this baby is not a replacement for my first little man. Does that make any sense?!

Anyway, thanks for the update and I hope everything:hugs: continues to go well for you


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## Hellylou

Yay Jojo - fantastic news!! A little boy, how lovely x Bet you're feeling wonderful now :hugs:

Fiona - hope scan went well, please update :hugs:

I don't plan to find out gender at 20 weeks, and didn't with my first, but with my second, it was very much as Jojo described - bits right up there on view and I had no choice but to see what he was! :haha:


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## OliveBay

Hee hee, I just have images in my head now of all of these cheeky babies flashing their bits on the the screen. It must be so funny to see that! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## jojo23

i didnt find out last time hun until she arrived!! i wanted to know this time because i definitely wanted to bond more.. up intil now i sort of was kidding myself and not thinking too much that its actually a baby iykwim! but now it feels so real to me and i know he's in there giving a kick to remind me lol im 22 weeks now and im still terrified that something is gonna happen!!! but i have come to the conclusion that if hope is all i have then thats what ill have to go with....

i think it would have been harder if it was a girl but i still wouldnt have minded. in a way i think this whole pregnancy is totally different so maybe its a good thing it is a little boy and it might help me relax a little more!

when is your next app hun??? they keeping a good eye on you i hope! xxxxxx


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## jojo23

Lol it was so funny legs wide open and bum and everything just stuck there!!!


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## OliveBay

Thanks jo. I'm glad things are feeling good for you. Its so nice and reassuring.

I have a booking appointment with the midwife in a couple of weeks, then I'll have the 12-13 weeks scan. Then after that I've been told I can have extra reassurance and monitoring scans, which I'm really pleased about. I think I'd go every day if they'd let me!!! My midwife really is great and she's putting me straight under consultant care so I do feel like they are taking very good care of me. Maybe I'm lucky to have such a good local service.


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## jojo23

awe thats brill hun those extra scans are so reassuring i cant tell you how much it makes you relax when you have 1 or 2 extras lol. your midwife sounds great :) i have to have a glucose tolerence test at 28 weeks because my mum is diabetic so they just want to double check im not at risk and ill have another scan that day!

ah time will fly for you now hun so happy for you xxxx


----------



## Bride2b

Jo it seems like you are a new woman, a few weeks back you were terrified and I really wanted to hug you, now you seem totally 'in the zone' of this is a new HEALTHY pregnancy. You seem to have had a new lease of life. Its so lovely to see. V day isnt too far away now hun. I wonder of your little dude is gonna be a nudist when he grows older! 

My friends little girl always takes her clothes off & my friend is forever trying to get her to put them back on, its so funny! Anyway my friend had her Hen do last weekend and ended up taking her clothes off in a pub (well her top & her bra) and getting her :holly: out. Then she insisted on wearing a wig and layed down on the balcony (on her stomach) stark bollock naked! And she wonders where her daughter gets it from!!! :rofl::flasher: There is photo evidence!! She also insisted on doing a strip tease in front of the full length windows in the apartment...which was on the bottom floor....right next to a restaurant where people were eating. I'm not sure the clients at that restaurant really bargained for that!!

Its fab that there are so many ladies here with little rainbows growing! Its so nice to see really positive messages - it gives me so much hope.:cloud9:


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## jojo23

LOL awe your friends lil girl sounds so funny! a right star in the making hehe

i definitely feel like a new person hun you have it exactly right... i just feel different this time and although im still scared im just daring to hope! i cant think of anything bad happening again because i know im a good person and will make a good mother and i cant see how it can happen again, of course for all of us we know anything can happen but for now im gonna take one day at a time and enjoy my little man :)

i cant wait to hear of more ladies getting their long awaited news... i really hope all of us get our happy endings and im so glad we can be a part of each others lives. love you all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MaevesMummy

Totally get you jojo, no more suprises! I felt like that, hubby refused to find out, Joe flashed his willy at every scan though. :haha:
Congratulations. :hugs: Here if you need me xxxx


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## dancareoi

jojo I am so pleased everything went well and you can look forward to a lovely little boy.
I have 2 boys and 1 girl (the boys are easier than the girl!!!!!)
i had MMC in July 2009, when I became pregnant again with my little boy I was worried the whole time, which is natural.
I used to have to go to the hospital quite a lot due to gestational diabetes and it was so reassuring to keep being checked so often.
My little boy was then born 2 weeks early in May 2010.
Look after yourself and your little rainbow.


----------



## Kelly9

Glad the scans went well.


----------



## Kelly9

Ugh, so 5 weeks to the day I lost Hannah and the witch shows. I did ovulate on valentines days but was confused cause my temps spiked for a day then started to fall but then when I got my period it all clicked, my lp coming off my first cycle with my son was 4 days this one was 3, I've never gone over a 37 day cycle today was cd36 so it makes sense, my lining sheds around the mid 30's no matter if I've ovulate or not. I won't know 100% that its the witch till tomorrow but I am fairly certain the bleeding is bright red and fresh and I was getting some streaks in my cm the last day or so. I'll also be starting my clomid to keep my cycles shorter so I can call into the fertility clinic sooner. 

So if I noticed the bleeding tonight at 9pm would today still be cd1 or would tomorrow technically? I seem to remember reading something about making cd1 the next day if it started after dinner time?


----------



## Hellylou

Hi Kelly, sorry about witch showing, although I think in some ways there is comfort to be had, in knowing your body is getting back to normal, but I know how horrible and sad that first AF feels. :hugs:

Not sure about timing for first day of cycle - I always thought the spotting part was ignored, and the first day you see full flow is day 1. That was my thinking anyway. I had terrible cycles for years and never had a clue where I was, so all of that went out of the window for me. It was strange but my cycles went completely regular after my loss so I could actually track properly.


----------



## dancareoi

I am still waiting for first AF after my loss 5 weeks ago. i think it will be next thurs or friday due to some tell tale signs.

Over the years i have come to know exactly how my body works and what to look out for.

My AF cycle used to be all over the place. However I have noticed as I have got older my cycle has become shorter and more regular.

I think this is because I am now 40 and my egg quality is going down hill, therefore takes less time to mature so get released earlier.

This may be why I lot my LO.


----------



## Bride2b

I would say if its full on AF count it as day one. My af showed in the afternoon, so I counted that as CD1 as had to put it into FF.

Its horrible having your first one as I felt like the pregnancy was truely over....I'm not sure that makes sense, I also felt a sense of relief that I was one step closer to trying again!

How is everyone?

Lisa - how'd things go with your OH?
Britney - hows smep going? what CD are you on?
Nikki? How many dpo are you now?
Krissy - are you still lingering? How things going?
Andrea - are you ok? have you decided to ttc again?

Hope all our rainbow ladies are well, Sally, Helen, Jo, Mhairi, Amanda.

Sorry if I missed anyone xx


----------



## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> I would say if its full on AF count it as day one. My af showed in the afternoon, so I counted that as CD1 as had to put it into FF.
> 
> Its horrible having your first one as I felt like the pregnancy was truely over....I'm not sure that makes sense, I also felt a sense of relief that I was one step closer to trying again!
> 
> How is everyone?
> 
> Lisa - how'd things go with your OH?
> Britney - hows smep going? what CD are you on?
> Nikki? How many dpo are you now?
> Krissy - are you still lingering? How things going?
> Andrea - are you ok? have you decided to ttc again?
> 
> Hope all our rainbow ladies are well, Sally, Helen, Jo, Mhairi, Amanda.
> 
> Sorry if I missed anyone xx

Hi Gemma(?) we had a chat on Fri 10th feb. He doesn`t know what we should do, he is worried we could lose another, or his biggest worry, there could be something wrong with it. He feels it is too soon to decide and he won`t be rushed!:nope:
We finished the conversation by him asking if it would make me happy if we were TTC, I answered yes. 
We haven`t spoken about it since, but the torment of it is killing me. I will have to bring it up again soon, I need to know. Especially as i want to TTC ASAP!
Having a bad day again today, just sat on a bag of laundry in the utility room crying my eyes out! :cry:
How are you doing? 
Lisa:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

I'm counting today as cd1 since it started so late last night. It's light flow but more then spotting. Did anyone else have a light first period? I'm wondering if it's light cause I only stopped pp bleeding about two weeks ago? Normally it would get heavier for me but it's about the same. 

Bride I understand what you mean and that's how I feel.


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## Bride2b

I think at least he hasnt said no. Do you chart ovulation/temps? Maybe its an idea if you do to let him know when your fertile time is about to happen. Say something like, "I've been keeping track of my body & it looks like I will OV in 3 days, I want to TTC, do you feel ready?" ..... or something like that. The chances of it happening again are so slim. I guess he is just scared. I would probably take control and be very open about when your most fertile so it puts it in the forefront of his mind.

You are going to have really really crap days, I've had so many of them. Some days it just felt like nothing else matters, and all I wanted to do was cry, then you feel sos shattered and more emotional because you are tired. Its such a vicious cycle. Its shitty but its just going to be like this for a while, fighting the grief doesnt help in the long run. :hugs:

I'm ok, just trying to 'relax' and allow the reflexology I have been having to work. I just want to get my mind, body & emotions into balance so I can ttc. I know I wont fall pregnant with out this. I am on CD11 and I know OV wont happen for at least a week. So I kind of feel like I am getting stressed about not being able to destress. I want to get pregnant so much this month I dont think I will cope if I get AF. I am going to have reflexology weekly for the next few sessions to see if it helps. 
I really struggle with knowing I'm not pregnant anymore. Today I should be 31 weeks, its so hard knowing that in a few weeks I should be finishing work to have my baby, instead I am off work as I cant cope with the fact that I have already have him and that he didnt make it. I think I need chocolate!!!! x


----------



## Bride2b

Kelly9 said:


> I'm counting today as cd1 since it started so late last night. It's light flow but more then spotting. Did anyone else have a light first period? I'm wondering if it's light cause I only stopped pp bleeding about two weeks ago? Normally it would get heavier for me but it's about the same.
> 
> Bride I understand what you mean and that's how I feel.

If it was late and light thats probably best. 

I had spotting for a day or two then (tmi) it was like a tap being turned on it was so heavy. My AF came almost 5 weeks after pp bleeding stopped so I guess the lining was thicker to shed?

xx


----------



## Kelly9

I guess so, I'm not sure how much that would affect it. I was only 5 weeks post partum yesterday so I was surprised it came but my body does fight to regulate fast or so I've noticed. I think I am going to call the clinic, I am fairly sure it's af it's just the lightness confuses me plus if I was gushing blood I'd have to go to emerge cause of the fistula, it can rupture at any time which could cause me to bleed out. :wacko:


----------



## blav

I have been lurking more than posting recently. As others have said its kind of a relief to take a break sometimes. I feel like last month I was so obsessed with every little thing and this month I'm trying to just let things happen without analyzing everything. 

As for SMEP it's going well I think. OH had to go out of town this weekend but we shouldnt have to miss any days. I am on CD 17 and just waiting for th OPK to turn positive. If I ovulate on CD 19 like I did last month that'll be Monday! OPK was negative this morning but I will start doing them twice a day so we shall see!


----------



## Kelly9

Good luck blah - britney right? Or did i mess that up?

So it IS the witch. The bleeding is heavier now and looks like my af bleeds normally do. I'm cramping lots to which I expected. I've called fertility clinic to report it and though I don't expect a call back this cycle I am still 1 month into the 2-3 month wait. Hoping very hard that we can start FET with the next cycle. Which would line me up for a christmas baby if it worked. 

Question again: Does/did anyone else loose faith after they lost their baby? I'm not an overly religious person but now I can't even bring myself to say "Im praying" when a friend asks for prayers on here all I can manage is to say "I hope" I guess I feel like I was let down in so many ways by whoever or whatever I prayed to before when my Hannah was fighting, only to go on to loose her. We had people all across the world praying for her, whole congregations even bishops and none of it worked. Maybe I've lost whatever small amount of faith that I had to begin with?


----------



## jojo23

kelly i definitely know what you mean. im not at all religious but when i lost Lily i kept thinking if there was a God he wouldnt do this so how could there be one etc.... theres so many things you go through in your head!!!

Hope is the most precious thing any of us could ever have and i think sometimes hope is even better than praying cause you hope with your whole heart and soul!! and thats perfect for us....

your faith will come back, whether its religious or just faith in yourself etc. and in the mean time you dont have to pray just find a way of asking the universe for this miracle and then when it happens (and it will!) you can say a prayer of thanks to everyone who had hope for you..!!

i will be thinking of you in whatever way i pray/talk to myslef lol hun and all of the ladies here!!! xxxxxxxx


----------



## Kelly9

thanks jojo you made me feel so much better


----------



## Bride2b

Kelly questioning your faith is a very common part of grief, as if you have religious beliefs you find it hard to work out why it has happened & why prayers were not listened to.
My OH is a born again Christian, although doesnt go to church much anymore (hes a lifeboat crewman and they have training on a Sunday - I know you can go to church on other days but hes a full time teacher), anyway we are getting married in a church in July, and he started to question his faith when we lost Bertie. I asked if we were going to go to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve & he replied by saying he didnt think so as he wasnt sure what he believed in anymore and cant understand why god would take his dad & son away from him within 2 months of each other. He wasnt sure a church wedding was something he wanted. He has come round now, and we did go to midnight mass in the end. We have a 'Marriage preparation day' at the church in 2 weeks. I'm not being funny but I think all the shit we have been through these last few months and the fact that we are still strong has proved that no marriage preparation seminar could even come close to what we have experienced.

I think as Jo says for now I think hope is a good word, we can all have hope if nothing else. I hope you get your FET next month hun, at least you know that it should happen in the next few months & fingers crossed it'll be a successful one!

Britney - I remember you saying about 'chillin' this month with the whole ttc obsession! Good plan batman! I have everything crossed for you! xxx
I missed a smep night last night as OH went out & by the time he got home I was sound asleep. I think it was because my reflexologist stimulated the gland that controls sleep! Buggered the SMEP right up! I dont think I'll OV for a week though. I am thinking I might get a high on my CBFM tomorrow as the first month I used one I got highs CD12. Once I do get highs I'll tell OH we have to BD regularly (I wont say every other day to him - that just adds undue pressure I think) & hopefully by the time I get a peak we would have covered ourselves! 

Phew long post!!!!!:dohh:


----------



## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> I think at least he hasnt said no. Do you chart ovulation/temps? Maybe its an idea if you do to let him know when your fertile time is about to happen. Say something like, "I've been keeping track of my body & it looks like I will OV in 3 days, I want to TTC, do you feel ready?" ..... or something like that. The chances of it happening again are so slim. I guess he is just scared. I would probably take control and be very open about when your most fertile so it puts it in the forefront of his mind.
> 
> You are going to have really really crap days, I've had so many of them. Some days it just felt like nothing else matters, and all I wanted to do was cry, then you feel sos shattered and more emotional because you are tired. Its such a vicious cycle. Its shitty but its just going to be like this for a while, fighting the grief doesnt help in the long run. :hugs:
> 
> I'm ok, just trying to 'relax' and allow the reflexology I have been having to work. I just want to get my mind, body & emotions into balance so I can ttc. I know I wont fall pregnant with out this. I am on CD11 and I know OV wont happen for at least a week. So I kind of feel like I am getting stressed about not being able to destress. I want to get pregnant so much this month I dont think I will cope if I get AF. I am going to have reflexology weekly for the next few sessions to see if it helps.
> I really struggle with knowing I'm not pregnant anymore. Today I should be 31 weeks, its so hard knowing that in a few weeks I should be finishing work to have my baby, instead I am off work as I cant cope with the fact that I have already have him and that he didnt make it. I think I need chocolate!!!! x

He hasn`t said no and he knows how much i want and need this. I am having such a bad day today.
i think AF is due next week, which means i should OV in about 3 weeks,so plenty of time still to talk to DH to see what we are going to do.
When Ihad MMC in july 09 I was desperate to get PG again asap,it was all very clinical, it was like ok i`ve OV`d lets DTD. Because I was so stressed out about it all I didn`t think it would happen but i got BFP straight away!
I should be 23 weeks now, and like you keep thinking what would be if i still had my baby:cry:
My DH is out tonight with his mates,he hasn`t seen them since all this happened, so i think it will do him good to go out and have a drink or two or three or.....:drunk:
I have already eaten all the chocolate in the house, so I am currently drinking the largest glass of baileys and ice you have ever seen!


----------



## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> Kelly questioning your faith is a very common part of grief, as if you have religious beliefs you find it hard to work out why it has happened & why prayers were not listened to.
> My OH is a born again Christian, although doesnt go to church much anymore (hes a lifeboat crewman and they have training on a Sunday - I know you can go to church on other days but hes a full time teacher), anyway we are getting married in a church in July, and he started to question his faith when we lost Bertie. I asked if we were going to go to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve & he replied by saying he didnt think so as he wasnt sure what he believed in anymore and cant understand why god would take his dad & son away from him within 2 months of each other. He wasnt sure a church wedding was something he wanted. He has come round now, and we did go to midnight mass in the end. We have a 'Marriage preparation day' at the church in 2 weeks. I'm not being funny but I think all the shit we have been through these last few months and the fact that we are still strong has proved that no marriage preparation seminar could even come close to what we have experienced.
> 
> I think as Jo says for now I think hope is a good word, we can all have hope if nothing else. I hope you get your FET next month hun, at least you know that it should happen in the next few months & fingers crossed it'll be a successful one!
> 
> Britney - I remember you saying about 'chillin' this month with the whole ttc obsession! Good plan batman! I have everything crossed for you! xxx
> I missed a smep night last night as OH went out & by the time he got home I was sound asleep. I think it was because my reflexologist stimulated the gland that controls sleep! Buggered the SMEP right up! I dont think I'll OV for a week though. I am thinking I might get a high on my CBFM tomorrow as the first month I used one I got highs CD12. Once I do get highs I'll tell OH we have to BD regularly (I wont say every other day to him - that just adds undue pressure I think) & hopefully by the time I get a peak we would have covered ourselves!
> 
> Phew long post!!!!!:dohh:

All of this does make us question our faith, if there is a God why would he do this?
My DH and kids are Catholic (his parents are Irish) I am C of E,although not practicing.
However DH and kids do go to mass,but not every week. Strangely before we lost our LO they had been to mass the 3 previous sundays in a row. My DH did make a comment along the lines of, fat lot of good that did.
My son is 10, he is very sensitive and takes his religion quite seriously, he attends a catholic school and always says his prayers every night.
When this first happened he prayed for all of us and for his lost sibling. The Sunday after this happened, my DH took him and my daughter to mass and my son lit a candle for the baby.
As you say all we can do is hope.[-o&lt;


----------



## Bride2b

dancareoi said:


> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> My DH is out tonight with his mates,he hasn`t seen them since all this happened, so i think it will do him good to go out and have a drink or two or three or.....:drunk:
> I have already eaten all the chocolate in the house, so I am currently drinking the largest glass of baileys and ice you have ever seen!
> 
> My OH went out with his mates a few weeks after & I did the same, except I drank a whole bottle of red wine & was plastered!! I NEVER drink ever so this was very usual for me! But it felt good at the time as it took the pain away.
> I dont think I've eaten so much chocolate in ages! I certainly didnt eat hardly any when I was pregnant, so I think I'm making up for it now!xClick to expand...


----------



## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> dancareoi said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Bride2b said:
> 
> 
> My DH is out tonight with his mates,he hasn`t seen them since all this happened, so i think it will do him good to go out and have a drink or two or three or.....:drunk:
> I have already eaten all the chocolate in the house, so I am currently drinking the largest glass of baileys and ice you have ever seen!
> 
> My OH went out with his mates a few weeks after & I did the same, except I drank a whole bottle of red wine & was plastered!! I NEVER drink ever so this was very usual for me! But it felt good at the time as it took the pain away.
> I dont think I've eaten so much chocolate in ages! I certainly didnt eat hardly any when I was pregnant, so I think I'm making up for it now!xClick to expand...
> 
> I`m not a drinker, I never go out. i have 3 kids who are usually awake at 6, so late nights don`t agree with me! i have the odd baileys,like now!
> I have eaten 2 large bars of diary milk over the last few days, slightly soft, melt in the mouth. My favourite.
> 
> Thanks for the chat, I`m feeling a little better now.:thumbup:Click to expand...


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## Kelly9

dancareoi I think our due dates were very close, I would have been 23 weeks yesterday my due date was june 15. 

I figured questioning it was normal, I likely won't forgive until I am pregnant again and can focus on something positive. Once the scars are gone from my belly (if they ever fade away completely) then I'll have nothing left to remind me of my pregnancy. Everything is gone now, my period returning was one of the last things.

I also wrote a letter to the nurse who was assigned to me the day I had Hannah. She upset me so much and made my birthing experience more painful then it had to be and I felt that it was time to let her know how I felt. I called the nursing manager for the unit I was on and explained my situation. I was encouraged to file a formal complaint but being a registered nurse I didn't want to do that. All I wanted was for her to understand how bad she made me feel, on already the worst day of my life. So thats done now, and I called the doc who did Hannah's surgery to request the last few pictures I've been waiting for to put in her memory box. I can't think of anything else that I need to do for the sake of closure, the rest is emotional.


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## dancareoi

kelly, my due date was also 15th June and my LO was born 12th Jan, from your ticker I think your LO was born 13th Jan.
We are both at the same stage of grieving so will know exactly how the other feels right now.
My LO`s birth was very quick and relatively painless, so in that respect I am thankful.
The staff who looked after me were very good and i left the hospital with a special memorial book in which they put the photos they had taken and the hand and footprints they had done.
As you say, everything is done for closure and physically I am fine (just waiting for AF to return) but emotionally I am still a complete wreck.
I think your signature about rainbow babies is beautiful. 
xxxxxxxxxx


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## Kelly9

Yes we lost Hannah at 18 weeks exactly on Jan 13, friday the 13th, though I am pretty sure she passed away sometime before midnight on jan 12 I don't know for sure, I'm just going by what I felt physically and the fact that I never felt her move again after the surgery and was told she would wake up from the paralyzing meds by midnight.


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## dancareoi

We found out during a routine check up on mon 9th jan, that baby had died 3-4 weeks before.
We don`t know reason. Our scan at 12-13 weeks showed a very healthy pregnancy and baby. Baby probably died shortly after this scan.
We decided against PM so will never know why our LO wa taken.
Sometimes I think we just know when something i wrong.When I had my first MMC in a way I wasn`t surprised as I knew for a while something wasn`t right.
This time it was a bit more of a shock, especially after having had our scan. Although the morning of my check up I put a bottle of folic acid pills away and said to myself " I migt need these again"
Perhaps subconciously i knew tings weren`t right.
Sorry, but I don`t know what happened to your little Hannah.


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## Kelly9

We went in at our 12 week scan and a sacrococcygeal teratoma was discovered which is a very rare tumour that grows off the tailbone, from that point on we were being scanned 1-2 times a week to monitor the growth of the tumour. It was growing fast and was quiet large in comparison with the size of Hannah and because it had such a large blood supply we were told that if nothing was done her heart would give out due to its inability to pump enough blood to the tumour and her body so at 17+5 we were flown to Toronto to meet a doctor that was going to try to cut off the blood supply to the tumour and protect her heart. Surgery went well and an hour after she was still good. It was the next morning when they confirmed she had died. I had used my doppler minutes prior to the scan and it was eerie how quiet my bump was. Intuition is a funny thing, when we went in for the 12 week scan I felt something wasn't right as well but I was worried about down syndrome risks cause thats what the 12 week scan is all about so I was shocked when they gave us her diagnosis. Then again the night of the 12th, I felt something was wrong I knew in my heart that she didn't make it but I didn't use my doppler to find out for sure till the next morning cause I just wanted to sleep and put it off for as long as possible.


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## dancareoi

Those weeks of waiting must have been terrible, not knowing if everything was going to be ok or not.
I think, by putting things off and not thinking about it, maybe we think it isn`t actually happening.
Have the doctors said if this is likely to happen again when you TTC again?


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## Kelly9

They were the hardes weeks of my life. Thankfully the tumour Hannah had is not genetic some have the same chances of it Happening again as any one does. 

On another note my bleeding from af has picked up and I'm now bleeding quiet a bit it's a little alarming. I have a fistula which can cause heavy serious bleeding and am wondering if it actually is af or the fistula. My temps are also way up like post ov and even though I just started taking my clomid the clomid has never caused high temps for me.


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## blav

Well...still no positive OPK but the line did seem darker than it has. My cervix is high and I've got some Ewcm so I'm thinking I should ovulate very soon! OH and I bd last night and have been keeping up with smep so fingers crossed ladies!!!!


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## Bride2b

Good luck Britney, sounds like you will soon! How is smep going? I've buggered it, but I am going to get back on track and BD every other day from tomorrow! Thats if I can get OH to stick to the plan (I've not told him the plan as I dont want to put pressure on!) xx


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## blav

It's going pretty well, Gemma! OH is doing well with it too. I told him what we were doing and he was up for it thankfully. I am over caring about him feeling pressure. We both want a baby and that takes sex....and lots of it! I feel pressure (even of its just from myself) so he can too! Although I know your OH has has a lot of sadness so I can understand where you're coming from! I'm going to do one more OPK before I go to work and then one when I get home. I O'd on CD 19 last month which is today sooooo come on eggy!!!! Good luck getting back on track!


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## blav

I just did the OPK and got a smiley!!!! Yaaaay time for extra BD! I was surprised to see it positive but I'm excited because 1 I'm fertile and 2 I O'd on the same day two months in a row which means I'm having regular cycles!!! Yaaaaaay!


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## Bride2b

blav said:


> I just did the OPK and got a smiley!!!! Yaaaay time for extra BD! I was surprised to see it positive but I'm excited because 1 I'm fertile and 2 I O'd on the same day two months in a row which means I'm having regular cycles!!! Yaaaaaay!

Woop woop!!! fab Britney, so loads of action for you over the next few days! :babydust:

keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!!


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## Bride2b

Its CD14 for me and still reading low on my CBFM! ](*,)


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## kiki04

Hey I just ovulated on sat....cd32 ladies. I normally ov on cd17-19 but these last 2 cycles have been something else! Last one I ov cd53 this on cd32.... wth? At least we are O'ing lol


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> They were the hardes weeks of my life. Thankfully the tumour Hannah had is not genetic some have the same chances of it Happening again as any one does.
> 
> On another note my bleeding from af has picked up and I'm now bleeding quiet a bit it's a little alarming. I have a fistula which can cause heavy serious bleeding and am wondering if it actually is af or the fistula. My temps are also way up like post ov and even though I just started taking my clomid the clomid has never caused high temps for me.

that`s good news that it`s not genetic:thumbup:

Hope everything else sorts itself out. If you are worried about anything, you should go and see your doctor, just to check all ok.

i am still awaiting first AF which shoud be thurs or fri this week.

DH has still not said yes or no to TTC again, but thinks I am too emotional still to talk things though rationally.

Although he did say if we could guarantee a baby with nothing wrong with it (I am 40 hence the worry) he would TTC straight away!

Let`s hope we all get what we want soon.:baby:


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## Bride2b

Lisa I reckon he'll come round...hes obviously very scared. At least he said if he knew everything would be ok he would try straight away! The chances are they will be. I'm so hoping he agrees as I know how much this means to you! xx

Yes Krissy I agree at least we are OV'ing (hopefully) and your ov has come earlier this month than last.....lets hope this is THE cycle, I think we are on a roll for BFPs on here, it has been a few weeks since the last lot so its about time! xx


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## Bride2b

Ladies I now I posted a thread a few days ago about not being able to answer anyones threads as I feel my 'journey' back to a normal life isnt being helped my reminders of sadness.

I have decided I am going to take a short break away from BnB as its becoming an obsession (well it became that a long time ago). I need a clear mind & need to stop stressing about not being pregnant & thinking about how long it will take me. The more I think of it the more I think it will ultimately stop me from achieving my goal in getting pregnant.

I will be back, but I am going to try and stay away for a while, then try and keep the obsession to a minimum after that! Good luck to you all in the mean time, I'm hoping there will be lots of good news when I've finished my BnB holiday! xx


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## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> Ladies I now I posted a thread a few days ago about not being able to answer anyones threads as I feel my 'journey' back to a normal life isnt being helped my reminders of sadness.
> 
> I have decided I am going to take a short break away from BnB as its becoming an obsession (well it became that a long time ago). I need a clear mind & need to stop stressing about not being pregnant & thinking about how long it will take me. The more I think of it the more I think it will ultimately stop me from achieving my goal in getting pregnant.
> 
> I will be back, but I am going to try and stay away for a while, then try and keep the obsession to a minimum after that! Good luck to you all in the mean time, I'm hoping there will be lots of good news when I've finished my BnB holiday! xx

Gemma, wishing you all the best. i know what you mean about taking a break. It does start to become an obsession and can make you sadder sometimes.
Hopefully when you come back there will be good news for all of us.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


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## jojo23

Gemma i hope you'll feel better after taking some time. it gets totally addictive in here at times and i understand that sometimes we can rely too much on coming on here every day, i know i defintiely do lol!

i wish you all the best and just want to let you know if you need anything we are here and will be here for when you return and hopefully there will be lots of news waiting for you!

love to you xxxxxxxxx


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## Nikki_d72

Gemma, i get where you are coming from exactly hun. Enjoy your break and I hope it does you the world of good. Your time WILL come, please don't lose hope, it's early days yet. xxx


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## Kelly9

See you when you return, hopefully you and a bunch of us others will be rainbow makers soon. I am very much in the "need to be pregnant again" phase. I feel like life will not continue properly till I am. 

AFM: Hopefully 4 more weeks till I find out if I can do FET next month or start the process anyway. I"ll be very upset if they make me wait an additional month the only thing is if we get accepted next month and get pg I'll have a january baby which means I may run the risk of delivering on my Hannah's birthday which terrifies me. But if we wait it's another month gone, another month to struggle through until I get a chance at a bfp and another baby.

Bleeding has slowed down so it's AF. I'm not worried anymore.


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## collie_crazy

It's gone quiet in here, hope everyone is doing ok :hugs:


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## Kelly9

I don't know what my body is doing anymore :cry: My temps are all over the place highs and lows and my second period just showed up only 10 days after the start of my first.


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## kiki04

Mine too.... last cycle 65 days with ov on cd 53... currently on cd42 ov on cd 32. It has been 9 months for me and my cycles were normal until november... then went wonky! So frusterating :(


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## Kelly9

I hate it. I'll never get in for Frozen embryo treatment if they keep doing this. Did anyone on here take vitex? I have some and it helps balance the hormones but I forget how much to take.


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## Bride2b

Ah Kelly what a pain in the arse. Have you googles vitex to see, I havent used it, I guess if its supposed to help I would probably try it especially if you want to get the FET underway sooner rather than later!

I never realised how having a loss/baby can screw your cycles up! I can now see why some women get caught unexpectedly soon after a mc/baby & end up pg!!! BUT why isnt it happening to us!!!!!


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## Bride2b

collie_crazy said:


> It's gone quiet in here, hope everyone is doing ok :hugs:

Hello hun, wow just over 1/2 way there! How are you feeling?xx


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## dancareoi

Hi girls,

i can`t really comment on the cycles.

When I had first MMC in July 09 I had first AF 5 weeks and 4 days later on 25th August 2009. We then TTC after this and i got BFP straight away.

Based on this my due date should have been 1st june, but was in fact 9th June, so this would have given me a 36 day cycle!

My cycles used to be all over the place when I was youger, but have got closer together as I have got older!

i didn`t have AF for a while after the birth of my little boy in May 10 as i was breast feeding. i think first AF after his birth was 9 months later! My cycle then was about 30 days, give or take, but did become fairly regular.

If you think what your bodies have been through and the fact you were in the 2nd trimester, I think it is probably just taking them a while to sort themselves out.

I am sure it will all work out ok in the end.

On a positive note, i believe if your cycles are a little furter apart this could be better egg quality as the eggs are mtruing longer, good news i think for a healthy baby.

My egg quality is deteriorating as i am now 40, which is why I think my cycle is shorter than it used to be.

i read something once which i thought was quite interesting.

When we first start a relationship, in most cases we use birth control of some sort. Someone wrote that we spend all this time trying not to get pregnant and then find it`s not that easy to get pregnant when we want!

I am sure everything will work itself out.
xxxx


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## dancareoi

sorry bad typo - should read MATURING longer. My keys keep sticking!!


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## Kelly9

So another mystery with me!!!! I'm still bleeding and cramps though the bleeding is light but more then spotting AND I GOT A FREAKING POSITIVE OPK!!!???!!??? WTH??? I got one at 4pm and another around 6pm, I'll keep testing till the positives go away. What sucks is I can't use other signs of impending ovulation because they're all masked... my cm is masked by the bleeding and my temps are all over the place so I won't know if I do ovulate till I start bleeding again in about 2 weeks :wacko: I haven't counted the current bleed as a period in terms of calling the fertility clinic, nor have I marked it as so on my chart just cause my temps are still high like post ov high. I did an hot today cause they were high but it was neg as I expected, I just wanted to be sure. Someone please tell me whats going on with my body!?


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## ericacaca

Hello there ladies. Just checking in to say hello and that I hope you're all doing ok and to see if there have been any more rainbows in the making? 

Thinking of you all

Erica xxx


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## Andypanda6570

Just wanted to let you all know I am thinking of you all and love to those who are pregnant and love to those trying.. I am still around just a little quiet..
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

I hope you're doing ok Andy and that this Saturday is easier then you're anticipating. :hugs:


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## dancareoi

ericacaca said:


> Hello there ladies. Just checking in to say hello and that I hope you're all doing ok and to see if there have been any more rainbows in the making?
> 
> Thinking of you all
> 
> Erica xxx


Hi Erica, just spotted your ticker. I would have been 25 weeks today, my due date was 15th June. hope everything is going well with your rainbow?
Lisa:hugs::hugs:


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## Hellylou

Hi ladies,

Hope everyone is well. Erica - good to hear from you. I assume the spotting stuff passed ok and everything has settled? :hugs:

Andrea - thinking of you for tomorrow :hugs:

Hope all the TTC ladies are doing well. Updates?

AFM: I am doing fine, so far so good. Just taking each day at a time, really. Still haven't fully accepted this is going to be ok. I'm just under 4 weeks off where I got to last time, which is pretty scary. I know that last time the problems began at 13 weeks onwards, so if I can get through these next few weeks with no scares I might just start to accept things better.


----------



## Kelly9

I'm still in limbo.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> I'm still in limbo.

I`m in limbo too, not knowing of we are going to TTC again. It is such a horrible feeling, not knowing what`s going on and just thinking and wandering all the time if it will ever work out.:cry::cry:


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## Bride2b

Hey Helen, I've been lurking more than posting really as I am trying not to get stressed too much as I know stress plays a massive role in not conceiving!

I have been wondering if your ok & how you are doing, and omg you are 12 weeks already! That has gone so quickly (although I bet it hasnt for you!) I guess the first 12 weeks are the first hurdle as this is when most mc occur, but for us its the hurdle of markers that were significant in our previous pregnancies. I'm willing you on a healthy little bundle of joy in 6 months xx

AFM I'm either 4 or 6 dpo depends on what date I O'd as my cbfm had peaks cd18 & 19, where as FF said I O'd CD20 after initially saying cd18. Its back at cd 18 as I asked a FF expert & they changed my settings, but still should have cd20 in mind for testing purposes so I dont get tempted to test too early! God knows when af will be due though as I really dont know what my body is going to do after a 5 day LP last month! Phew!!

Amanda hugs for tomorrow xx I'm thinking of you xxx

I hope all of you waiting to ttc are well & that the days are getting easier for you xx Three months on for me and I am starting to feel a little bit more like the old me again! I think the backing off from BnB has helped my journey in the last few weeks. Its not that I dont think of you all, I just find it hard to be constantly reminded of why I am on here xxx


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## Kelly9

bride, I've been taking a break from most threads to and find it helps. Plus I'm back at work which is full time training for my new job which is keeping me busy. Many people don't realize or know this but most mc's happen before the 9th week of pregnancy, the 12 week thing is a myth. Your statistics of mc'ing after you've seen the heartbeat at 9 weeks drop to something ridiculously low (can't remember the number), the problem is most people don't get a scan till 12 weeks so a lot of mc's are reported then which I think is the reason why people pin so much on the first 12 weeks, if that made any sense at all. With our next pregnancy we'll have a dating scan around 6-7 weeks then another just after 9 weeks to alleviate worry till our 12 week scan. I think it will do wonders at keeping me as sane as possible.


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## babylou

Hello all.

Hoping you ladies can help me. 

I am 14 days into an irregular 28-35 day cycle and have the achy 'period' crampy pain on my left hand side. I have poas but line is very faint. 

Usually, does the pain come before or after ov? 

I'm new to all of this terminology, so sorry if I get stuff wrong. Never done the whole monitoring thing, as we had terrible probs getting pregnant both times and didn't need the stress. 

It's now 5 months since we lost Sam, and we feel ready to try again. Although I do have a bit of weight to loose too, I have joined a slimming group to help.

Hope all are well.

:hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

Babylou I normally feel it during ovulation, and for me cramping lasts about 45 mins to an hour and my ovulation signs normally coincide i.e. sensitive nips, ewcm and positive opk. 

I got another positive opk today but since I'm still bleeding lightly I can't tell if I have ewcm so paying attention and waiting to see if I get ovulation cramping on my sides.


----------



## dancareoi

babylou said:


> Hello all.
> 
> Hoping you ladies can help me.
> 
> I am 14 days into an irregular 28-35 day cycle and have the achy 'period' crampy pain on my left hand side. I have poas but line is very faint.
> 
> Usually, does the pain come before or after ov?
> 
> I'm new to all of this terminology, so sorry if I get stuff wrong. Never done the whole monitoring thing, as we had terrible probs getting pregnant both times and didn't need the stress.
> 
> It's now 5 months since we lost Sam, and we feel ready to try again. Although I do have a bit of weight to loose too, I have joined a slimming group to help.
> 
> Hope all are well.
> 
> :hugs::hugs:

Hi, over the years i have become more aware of how my body works. I have 3 children and have had two MMC.

I find the best indication of ovulation is large amounts of CM, really thick and stretchy, just like egg white a few times when you wipe. (sorry if TMI)

I find then I OV 2-4 days after this and always find that 2 weeks after I have the increased CM my AF starts!

When I have been trying, once I get the CM i start using an OV test and DTD from the day the CM arrives until day after OV test is positive. We used this method on my 2nd, 3rd and 4th pregnancies. Each time I became PG first time!!

Good luck:thumbup:


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## Kelly9

Today was a very hard day for me. My body is still not cooperating 8 weeks after the fact. I've been bleeding for 6.5 weeks out of the last 8 with only a few days in-between where I've had no spotting or bleeding at all. The stress of my body not working is taking it's toll and now that I've started spotting again after having just 2 days without any bleeding I think if it turns into another full flow that I'm going to go on birth control pills. I don't want to have to do this, I want more then anything to be pregnant again but I can't take the constant let down from my body every time I think it's going to fix it's self then doesn't. 

I've been so cranky and moody and I'm taking out all my stress and anger on my husband and son and I hate myself for it. I just can't seem to stop doing it, something needs to change so if that something is taking the pill then so be it. My dream of holding another baby in my arms is just going to have to wait. Quiet frankly I just want to give up.


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## collie_crazy

Kelly I'm so sorry you are growing through this :hugs: have you said to your doctor / ob that you are still bleeding?

I had a similar thing where I bled for 8 weeks with it sometimes stopping for a day or two then starting again then tapering off etc. I said to my doctor at 5 weeks and she swabbed for infection but it came back clear. Then at 8 weeks pp I heamorraged and lost over a pint and half of blood in minutes. I was rushed to hospital and after an internal scan they found I still had pieces of retained placenta that were becoming necrotic. I had no other symptoms like pain or cramping just the bleeding which is why they never thought about placenta being left behind. I had to have a D&C the next day to get the placenta out and my bleeding stopped almost immediately after that. 4 weeks later I fell pregnant and here I am 22 weeks later :hugs: 

So if you haven't already I would be contacting your doctor and or OB and asking for a scan. 8 weeks is a long time to put up with this!


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## mhazzab

Kelly I'm so sorry you are still having the bleeding. I think I said in another post to you I had it for 14 weeks so I know how hard it is. I was desperate for it to stop so I could start to TTC again and I kept getting my hopes up that it had stopped and then the next thing I was at the toilet and it was back again. I found it very hard to deal with. For me, it was just wacky hormones, but as collie says, hers was retained placenta so if you haven't been scanned it's probably best to arrange this just in case. I really hope it stops soon for you so you can make a start on trying for your rainbow x


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## Bride2b

Oh Kelly you poor thing, I would say get checked out too, the longer it goes on the harder it gets emotionally, I know how desperate you must be to get back on track so you can start ttc again. There is nothing like the desperation & need to be pregnant again. I really hope that if you do see a doctor or take the pill that it sorts everything out. xx


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## Andypanda6570

Kelly,
I am thinking of you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> Today was a very hard day for me. My body is still not cooperating 8 weeks after the fact. I've been bleeding for 6.5 weeks out of the last 8 with only a few days in-between where I've had no spotting or bleeding at all. The stress of my body not working is taking it's toll and now that I've started spotting again after having just 2 days without any bleeding I think if it turns into another full flow that I'm going to go on birth control pills. I don't want to have to do this, I want more then anything to be pregnant again but I can't take the constant let down from my body every time I think it's going to fix it's self then doesn't.
> 
> I've been so cranky and moody and I'm taking out all my stress and anger on my husband and son and I hate myself for it. I just can't seem to stop doing it, something needs to change so if that something is taking the pill then so be it. My dream of holding another baby in my arms is just going to have to wait. Quiet frankly I just want to give up.


Kelly, I`m sure all the worrying and stressing can`t be helping either.

As one of the other ladies suggested, I really think you should see your doctor about this and get everything checked out properly.

Hope everything gets sorted out for you.:hugs:


----------



## Kelly9

I've been to the docs many times and had a few scans, no evidence of retained pieces and I have no other symptoms of that plus Hannah's placenta was intact. I think it's my hormones, I had my blood taken to measure them so should be getting results this coming week. It could be my fistula but as of the last scan that was resolving and settling nicely. I can never have a D&C due to the fistula. 

I haven't had any spotting since yesterday at 2pm so am keeping my fingers crossed it was just late ovulation spotting, though I've never had ov spotting before. I just need any bleeding to hold out for a couple more days. Ideally thursday would be best but I'll take anything after monday. 

Thanks for the responses. I've just been so beat up lately and want things to go back to normal so we can move on with our plans for a frozen embryo transfer, I can't help but think that the world at least owes me a properly functioning body after everything.


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## collie_crazy

:hugs: I hope this time it has stopped for you :hugs:


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## Kelly9

I hope so to. I feel like most days I am barely holding it together and when I'm constantly reminded that my body is messed up I go over the edge and have a melt down, I had a melt down yesterday and ended up bawling on the phone to my MIL, it was horrible.


----------



## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> I hope so to. I feel like most days I am barely holding it together and when I'm constantly reminded that my body is messed up I go over the edge and have a melt down, I had a melt down yesterday and ended up bawling on the phone to my MIL, it was horrible.

So sorry you are having such a stressful time. Hopefully now things will start to settle down for you.

It`s so fustrating when you want something so much, but something out of your control is stopping you.

I know it`s easier said than done, but try to stop stressing out because it can`t be doing you any good. When you feel yourself getting stressed try taking some deep breaths, in through the nose, out through the mouth, or if that doesn`t work, try hitting something!!

Sending lots of hugs and best wishes your way:hugs:


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## Kelly9

Well the witch not showing in the last couple of days has helped keep me calm, I haven't had any more spotting since the one day though my temp dropped today. So if I can just make it a few more days without bleeding I'll be happy.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> Well the witch not showing in the last couple of days has helped keep me calm, I haven't had any more spotting since the one day though my temp dropped today. So if I can just make it a few more days without bleeding I'll be happy.

I`ll keep everything crossed for you.:hugs:


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## Kelly9

I made it, it's nearly tuesday and no witch though had spotting again today. I am sick though just got over a cold and now have a bug cause I was throwing up :(


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> I made it, it's nearly tuesday and no witch though had spotting again today. I am sick though just got over a cold and now have a bug cause I was throwing up :(

It just seems to be one thing after another doesn`t it? I see to have got food poisoning. I have had a really really bad stomach for 24 hours now. I have lost 4 pounds in weight in one day and haven`t eaten in 24 hours, even the water i am drinking is going straight through me.

i said to my DH, I feel bad enough as it is, without having all this to put up with as well.:cry:


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## Kelly9

^ you sure it's food poisoning? I was up puking all night last night and had the runs very badly, I also lost 3 pounds or so overnight from fluid loss, I have a bug it's going around out here. I'm feeling a little better now 24 hours later but my stomach is still a little iffy. More spotting today it was pink then brown now nothing, Hopefully the witch comes by friday.


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## dancareoi

Could be a bug - feel a little better this morning, but still feel a bit iffy too. Have lost 6 pounds in 2 days.
I feel in a way this will have done my body good. I want to TTC again if DH agrees, but I needed to lose some weight. My body has had a detox the last couple of days.

`They` say everything happens for a reason, perhaps `they` are right! i wanted to TTC this month, but DH said no. However, just as well, as we would be having to try this week and i feel so yuk i wouldn`t have been able to, that combined with the loss of weight, which is what i wanted before TTC, perhaps `they` are right after all!!

Makes you wonder doesn`t it, perhaps someone out there is looking out for us. My mom used to say that your whole life is mapped out for you already and everything that happens is meant to happen.

i know sometimes it seems how could that possibly be so.

However, i had MMC in July 09. I then went on to have my beautiful little boy in May 2010. If I hadn`t had MMC my little boy would not be here today. I know i would have another child, but this adorable little person we have now, would not have been - makes you think doesn`t it?


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## Kelly9

It's worth a thought butni choose not to believe that everything happens for a reason my Hannah was taken from me for no good reason at all and I find it impossible to believe that any good will come out of her being taken to soon. ( I'm not offended by why you said so dont think that just sharing y thoughts) 

I hope your hubby will get on board with ttc.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> It's worth a thought butni choose not to believe that everything happens for a reason my Hannah was taken from me for no good reason at all and I find it impossible to believe that any good will come out of her being taken to soon. ( I'm not offended by why you said so dont think that just sharing y thoughts)
> 
> I hope your hubby will get on board with ttc.

I know what you mean, I can`t see any good reason why my little one was taken either. 

I too hope hubby agrees to TTC. I think he might, because he knows how devasted I will be if he doesn`t agree.

We are waiting on an appoinment to see some professor to do some tests to see if we are likely to have any further problems. I think it will be a waste of time. There are no gentic reasons, because we already have 3 healthy children. It isn`t an incompetant cervix, because i have already had 3 kids.
i had blood staken for all the usual tests when I was PG and no abnormalities there. My hormone levels were tested when i had scan for DS and all was normal there.
So apart from the usual problems that come with my age(40) I can`t see the point.

If this guy says no reason not to try, hubby i think will agree.

there again, on the other habd, if this guy says don`t try really high chance you will have problems, obviously we won`t try again. I will be broken hearted, but i suppose it will be better than going through all this heartache again.

i think that is what worries me, that he will say not to try. the thought of trying is the only thing that is keeping me going!


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## Kelly9

I understand that, getting to my frozen embryo transfer is whats been keeping me going. I'm so close to it to and now the witch is just playing with me giving me spotting and no cycle. She'd better get here soon.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> I understand that, getting to my frozen embryo transfer is whats been keeping me going. I'm so close to it to and now the witch is just playing with me giving me spotting and no cycle. She'd better get here soon.

Hope is the only thing keeping me going - i think without that I would totally fall apart.:cry:


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## Andypanda6570

Just checking in and letting you all know I am thinking of you all..
XOOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

Not many have been in here lately just me and Dan so hi. 

Still no witch but more spotting.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> Not many have been in here lately just me and Dan so hi.
> 
> Still no witch but more spotting.

Are things settling down a little? I think i have OV this week, but as we are not TTC i suppsoe it doesn`t mean anything.

Hope to tell Dh over weekend that i want to TTC next month, which will be approx 4 weeks time, we would actually be in Wales at that time.

I don`t think he`ll agree, but i need to tell him what i`m thinking.

Still feeling a little iffy from whatever i have had over the last few days, still not eating properly. Things like this bug don`t usually make me so ill, but as i said to DH i am probably a little run down at moment due to everything so not as strong to fight it off.:hugs:


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## WILSMUM

Hi all can i join you?
My name is Anouska and I'm 35 years old and lost my baby at 18 weeks over the weekend.
I have a 6 year old son from my first marriage. My current DH adn I had a bit of a whilrwind romance and were married 5 months after getting together, its our 4th wedding anniversary on Monday! Anyway we decided to start trying for a baby of our own and as we both had kids from previous relationships we didn;t expect any problems, 12 months passed and no BFP so we started seeing the fertility specialist at the local hospital for tests etc, DH did a sperm test which was ok,not great but ok and then 15 months after we started ttc I got a bfp unfortunaltely it didn;t stick and i miscarried at 5 weeks so back to the fertility specialist we went and I had a lap and dye which showed my tubes were a bit screwed up, there was a way thru but it would make things difficult for egg and sperm to meet! 12 months after my early mc i got another bfp which resulted in our gorgeous daughter being born perfect and healthy. about 6 months after she was born we decided we would ntnp and 6 months later we get a bfp! went for dating scan at 12 weeks (got dated at 13+3) and saw a healthy wriggley baby with a strong healthy heartbeat, a couple of weeks later got the nuchal scan results back as low risk and all was good! We were so excited to be having another baby so close in age to our daughter, we even worked out they would be in consecutive years at school. And then saturday came, I had some slight bleeding when i wiped after going to the toilet first thing, the next couple of times i went to the loo there was nothing so i just put it to the back of my mind and got on with things, then at lunchtime there was more blood so i told dh, range the maternity unit and went in for a check up. Blood pressure and everything was fine, she felt my belly adn all was fine, no pain or anything then she got the doopler out, she couldn;t get a clear heartbeat but said she could hear it herself in the background, which is exactly what my mw had said at our 16 week appointment. she tried for ages to get the heartbeat so that we could hear it but couldn;t so basically said she would get the scanner so we could see baby instead. went thru to the scan room and as soon as the baby came up on the screen i could see it wasn't big enough to be 18 weeks, the dr looked for a bit then asked if she could get someone else in to have a look, we had my son and daughter in the room with us at the time so DH asked the mw if he should take them out and she said yes it would probably be best and then asked if they would be ok staying with a member of staff so dh could stay with me, so tshe took the kids off another mw came in who was also a sonographer and started the scan again and told us straight away there was no heartbeat and the baby had probably died not long after my dating scan as was only measuring around 15 weeks. we arranged to go back on monday for me to be induced but by half 5 saturday night i started having pains which i now know to be contractions! 4 hours later i'd given birth to out baby on the floor in the bathroom, and due to having to wait over an hour for an ambulance i delivered the placenta in the shower cubicle at home, the baby has been sent away for chromosone analysis but due to deliverying the placenta in the shower it became contaminated and they couldn;t send it away with the baby. I had to spend saturday night in hospital and now i'm back home having to get on with things! it just feels like i've stopped and the rest of the world is carrying on around me! i don't know what to do or what i should be doing. it could be up to 3 months before we get the results back but the drs have all said there is no reason why this would happen again and that there is no medical reason for us to wait and we can ttc again as soon as we feel ready. i just don't know if i want to atm sometimes i think i would like to then other times i think but what if it happened again. and then i think mayb i'm just too old, although i said that to the dr in hospital and she told me i was one of the youngest in maternity at the time!
i guess i'm still in shock, its only been 6 daysand i just can;t believe this has happened to us, life feels really unfair at times. And then i go on facebook and see people moaning about their silly little probems and i just want to go up to them and slp them and tell them to get over themselves as some of us have real issues/problems to deal with!


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## Bride2b

Hi Wilsmum, I'm really sorry for the loss of your precious one, its a hard time & sadly a long journey to find any comfort. I have found so much support here and so much guidance from these wonderful ladies who have also been through hard times too. I hope you find these parts of help over the coming days, weeks & months.
I know what you mean about trivial stuff people put on facebook! It hurts so much seeing the crap people write when you are suffering in such a way that most people will never understand (thankfully). 
I wouldnt say that 35 is too old to try again, you will see that there are older ladies here carrying rainbows, so dont let your age put you off trying again if thats what you want. In most cases it takes a few months to get AF back to normal after the loss. I have just started my 3rd cycle after my loss in November & can safely say that my cycles have changed, although are now (hopefully) returning to 'normal.' I am ttc again after losing my first baby to PPROM at 19 + 3. 
I hope the coming days are kind to you. xxx:hugs:


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## Kelly9

So sorry to hear of your loss wilsmum :hugs: 

I lost my daughter at 18 weeks, she passed away hours after having intrauterine surgery to cut off massive blood flow into an external tumour attached to her tail bone.


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## WILSMUM

i think the hardest thing is not knowing y or what went wrong and knowing that even tho we are having chromosone analysis done its likely that we will never know. this weekend will b hard i think. But a lovely thing happened yesterday my dr who i've never met called to c how i was doing and to say to pop in if i need anything even just a chat! Was not expecting that.


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## Kelly9

I agree with you about not knowing, though it is not my situation, I think it would be way harder to have ultimately not known the reason, though we don't know for sure what the "complication" was we have an idea. I really feel for all you ladies that lost your little ones and never got an answer, I think you're all incredibly brave to have gone through that and then made it out the other end, or in some cases trying to make it out the other end.


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## Nessa805

My name is jeannessa im a 28y/o mother of 4 (2boys 2girls) 
Ive had four 1st trimester losses and just had a 24w loss. I had a perfect lil girl in my eyes march 8 i go in for my 2weeks check up next week and juat still have alot of mixed emotions. I still dont know what to do the shock of it all.


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## Kelly9

So sorry Nessa, its a terrible thing to go through. I'm not the greatest at giving support at this point cause I'm still very much mixed up from our loss but the ladies floating around here are great.


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## Andypanda6570

Nessa805 said:


> My name is jeannessa im a 28y/o mother of 4 (2boys 2girls)
> Ive had four 1st trimester losses and just had a 24w loss. I had a perfect lil girl in my eyes march 8 i go in for my 2weeks check up next week and juat still have alot of mixed emotions. I still dont know what to do the shock of it all.

I am so deeply sorry for you loss :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:It is just a pain that never seems to go away, just gets manageable. I lost my Ava at 20 weeks over a year ago and I think about this baby every single day. Be gentle on yourself and we all are here if you need us, anytime.. Andrea
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Miss Mitch

Hi everyone xx


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## Kelly9

Hi. 

I'm starting my FET this cycle. I start down regging in 12 days. If all works I could getti rainbow baby in may.


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## WILSMUM

i'm sorry kelly but i didn't understand what any of that meant! but good luck for a may rainbow x


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## Kelly9

FET means frozen embry transfer we have to do fertility treatment. So I start the medication process April 3 with possible transfer of two day 3 embryos between April 30 and may 5. Does that help?


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## WILSMUM

yes thanks! Sorry for being dumb! I really hope it works for u xxx


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## Kelly9

You're not dumb you just thankfully don't need to follow the same path as myself.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> You're not dumb you just thankfully don't need to follow the same path as myself.

wishing you lots of luck:dust:


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## Kelly9

Thanks, I'm going to need a lot of it in the coming month. The tww of this cycle is going to be brutal. I am trying so hard to be positive but it's sooooo hard.


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## Bride2b

Kelly9 said:


> FET means frozen embry transfer we have to do fertility treatment. So I start the medication process April 3 with possible transfer of two day 3 embryos between April 30 and may 5. Does that help?

Good luck xxx Thats great news that its going to happen soon! :dust:


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## Pinkorblue11

Hi everyone, mind if I join in? About me..

My water broke in the early morning hours of April 13th, and I was rushed to L&D. The OB on call tried to assure me this wasn't my fault, there's nothing I could have done but there wasn't anything they could do to save my baby. They offered to induce but I chose to wait for my body to labor. I only felt cramps when my bladder filled up but that was it. My fluid levels were checked periodically and I had one vaginal exam. I was 3cm dilated and Azriel had some fluid around his head but his lower half had none. By the night, he had no fluid around him at all and no change by the next morning. I needed to go to the restroom when I woke up on Saturday since I didn't feel any of the pressure I was told about, I didn't ask for a bedpan. I sat down and felt a weird sensation down there and instinctively reached down and felt my baby's toes. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I rang for the nurse. They helped me back to bed and prepared a bedpan for me but I couldn't go anymore she then called for the OB to come in. She and the midwife on call, were as comforting toward me as they could be and expressed their sympathies for what I was about to do. It was so hard to let him go, I knew he was still alive but I couldn't hold him in anymore. So despite my heavy heart, I pushed. His chin got caught in my cervix and after resisting pain meds for the majority of my stay, I gave in and accepted. Azriel entered the world with a beating heart and was immediately placed on my chest. He had such a sweet little face and I kissed him and told him how much I loved him. His daddy couldn't be there with us so I put him on the phone so he could say his goodbyes. His brothers said theirs and after we hung up, I said my own goodbyes. He lived for just under an hour and I'm so proud of him for being so strong. I love him, I miss him and will never forget him. Rest in peace, my love, I hope to see you again someday. 

When I got home that night, it took everything in me not to hop in my car, drive back to the hospital and ask for him back. :cry: Thanks in advance to the creator of this group and all the ladies here..


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## Kelly9

pinkorblue I am so sorry. These bad things happen for reasons we don't get to know and its heartbreaking. This thread has been quiet lately but the ladies here are great. Share and vent what you need to.


----------



## dancareoi

Pinkorblue11 said:


> Hi everyone, mind if I join in? About me..
> 
> My water broke in the early morning hours of April 13th, and I was rushed to L&D. The OB on call tried to assure me this wasn't my fault, there's nothing I could have done but there wasn't anything they could do to save my baby. They offered to induce but I chose to wait for my body to labor. I only felt cramps when my bladder filled up but that was it. My fluid levels were checked periodically and I had one vaginal exam. I was 3cm dilated and Azriel had some fluid around his head but his lower half had none. By the night, he had no fluid around him at all and no change by the next morning. I needed to go to the restroom when I woke up on Saturday since I didn't feel any of the pressure I was told about, I didn't ask for a bedpan. I sat down and felt a weird sensation down there and instinctively reached down and felt my baby's toes. Tears immediately filled my eyes as I rang for the nurse. They helped me back to bed and prepared a bedpan for me but I couldn't go anymore she then called for the OB to come in. She and the midwife on call, were as comforting toward me as they could be and expressed their sympathies for what I was about to do. It was so hard to let him go, I knew he was still alive but I couldn't hold him in anymore. So despite my heavy heart, I pushed. His chin got caught in my cervix and after resisting pain meds for the majority of my stay, I gave in and accepted. Azriel entered the world with a beating heart and was immediately placed on my chest. He had such a sweet little face and I kissed him and told him how much I loved him. His daddy couldn't be there with us so I put him on the phone so he could say his goodbyes. His brothers said theirs and after we hung up, I said my own goodbyes. He lived for just under an hour and I'm so proud of him for being so strong. I love him, I miss him and will never forget him. Rest in peace, my love, I hope to see you again someday.
> 
> When I got home that night, it took everything in me not to hop in my car, drive back to the hospital and ask for him back. :cry: Thanks in advance to the creator of this group and all the ladies here..

I am so sorry for your loss, your story has made me cry, just thinking of you and your little one. 

At least you got to hold him and say goodbye.

Heaven now has another angel.:angel:


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so sorry for the loss of little Azriel. I'm not around here too much anymore but I wanted to wish you the gentlest days ahead possible. It's such ahard loss I know, I'm sorry xxx


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## winterwonder

Hello everyone!

Its been awhile since i've been on, but i need some advice, i am yet again pregnant (god all i feel like i do is get pregnant) i am 5 weeks an a couple of days, i'm pondering when to tell my boss because i work in a hospital, and my mum keeps pestering me to tell them soon as she's so worried that i'll lose another, i want to wait because i've become a real pessimist, and if something does go wrong then i dont have to deal with work knowing.

anywho i hope everyone else is well and that there are lots of new rainbow mummies!

pinkorblue - i am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you can find all the support you need here xxxx

christine xx


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## Pinkorblue11

Thank you very much ladies. Friends and family have been wonderfully supportive. My husband and I are getting help from a friend of mine to plan a balloon release for Azriel, either at the end of August or beginning of September. 

Congrats on your pregnancy, Christine!


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## mhazzab

winterwonder said:


> Hello everyone!
> 
> Its been awhile since i've been on, but i need some advice, i am yet again pregnant (god all i feel like i do is get pregnant) i am 5 weeks an a couple of days, i'm pondering when to tell my boss because i work in a hospital, and my mum keeps pestering me to tell them soon as she's so worried that i'll lose another, i want to wait because i've become a real pessimist, and if something does go wrong then i dont have to deal with work knowing.
> 
> anywho i hope everyone else is well and that there are lots of new rainbow mummies!
> 
> pinkorblue - i am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you can find all the support you need here xxxx
> 
> christine xx

Hiya Christine, it's lovely to hear from you, and I am delighted to hear you are pregnant again. If you think your boss may be able to help make things easier for you, I would tell him/her, but on the understanding that it is to go no further until you are ready to share. I actually did this with both my pregnancies and my boss did what he could to keep me less stressed while I was going through those tiring first few weeks. I'm glad I did it.
How are thing with you? Are you finding this pregnancy hard so far? I think the very early days were the worst for me, but it did get better, and my confidence grew as time went on xx


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## winterwonder

mhazzab said:


> winterwonder said:
> 
> 
> Hello everyone!
> 
> Its been awhile since i've been on, but i need some advice, i am yet again pregnant (god all i feel like i do is get pregnant) i am 5 weeks an a couple of days, i'm pondering when to tell my boss because i work in a hospital, and my mum keeps pestering me to tell them soon as she's so worried that i'll lose another, i want to wait because i've become a real pessimist, and if something does go wrong then i dont have to deal with work knowing.
> 
> anywho i hope everyone else is well and that there are lots of new rainbow mummies!
> 
> pinkorblue - i am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you can find all the support you need here xxxx
> 
> christine xx
> 
> Hiya Christine, it's lovely to hear from you, and I am delighted to hear you are pregnant again. If you think your boss may be able to help make things easier for you, I would tell him/her, but on the understanding that it is to go no further until you are ready to share. I actually did this with both my pregnancies and my boss did what he could to keep me less stressed while I was going through those tiring first few weeks. I'm glad I did it.
> How are thing with you? Are you finding this pregnancy hard so far? I think the very early days were the worst for me, but it did get better, and my confidence grew as time went on xxClick to expand...

Things are going ok, we did have a little scare last week a few days after we found out, i had a few small smears of blood when i went to loo which turned me into an absolute wreck, but everythings been fine since, i just want to get to 12 weeks really, and that first scan.

I cant believe you're thirty weeks! how are you feeling at the mo?

xx


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## Kelly9

Winter that's great news. I agree with what the others have said. 

My little Hannah's due date is fast approaching id be 32 weeks pregnant now :( I want to do something for her due date but not sure what. I may just end up staying in bed all day. Well be back home on vacation over her due date so I'll be surrounded by family something I didn't get when we lost her so I know my son will be looked after while I "check out". 

Also we're getting closer to transfer day. It looks like it'll be somewhere around the 27-30 of this month. Im Excited but nervous and scared it won't work. This is my only chance to be pregnant before her due date something I want so badly.


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## mhazzab

Pinkorblue - I was so sad to hear your story. I love the name you gave your son. I hope you can find some comfort in here. :hugs:

Kelly I'm very happy to hear you have got a date for your transfer. I'm wishing for it to be a success for you, to help you deal with Hannah's due date. On my due date, me and hubby went away for the day and just walked, talked and held hands. Simple yet peaceful. Two days later I got my BFP with my rainbow. 

Christine- I'm doing good, getting to around the 23 weeks stage was tough mentally, but once I passed this my confidence has grown that I will get my happy ending. I'm sorry you had a scare but I hope all is ok now. Will you be getting an early scan? Xx


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## Kelly9

I don't know if my husband would want to do anything with me, he's been over this whole thing for so long and I'm still hurting, I may just decide to spend it on my own. I need the FET to work otherwise there will be no happy surprise before on or around her due date, if it doesn't work we'll be starting a fresh ICSI cycle when we get back from vacation but that will be after. 

Another set of friends of ours I just found out are 13 weeks pregnant, she would have conceived her baby either on or just a few days off of the day we lost Hannah. As much as I dislike hearing about my close friends pregnancy at the moment I am happy for them because they've been trying for this baby for 4 years. I NEED to be pregnant to be able to go home and see them and show that I'm happy for them or else it will be impossible. I'm scared it could work but I'm even more scared that it won't work.


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## mhazzab

I know what you mean Kelly, I needed the new pregnancy to help me deal with my pregnant friends or new babies, and even my return to work. I'll admit it does help, it doesn't fix it all, but It does help. It also provides a whole heap of extra emotions to deal with, but its worth it.

Do whatever you need to, to help you get through Hannah's due date whether it's finding a friend or family member to share it with you, or going somewhere peaceful alone. I'm sorry your husband is reacting differently to you, that's men for you. I think it just tends to hit us women harder, because we have more time to bond. Could it be that he's hiding his emotions, to try and protect you?
X


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## Kelly9

No I don't think so, he just didn't get attached like I did especially when we found out at 12 weeks that she only had a 50/50 chance of surviving, of course those odds went down at every apt as the tumour grew so large. He also wasn't there when we had the surgery or when we lost her or for the delivery since I was in Toronto having the surgery, he had to stay with our son. I don't hold his reactions against him but he doesn't understand me. He asked me a week ago why I was crying (something I usually do at night when he's sleeping) and all I could muster was a "why do you think?, Why do I always cry these days?" He seems to think I should be over it but he sees my face when we find out another friend is pregnant, he knows it upsets me, he just doesn't get it.


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## mhazzab

I'm really sorry, that must be hard for you. I don't think my husband understood the extent of my hurt, sometimes he would ask what was wrong when I didn't think there was any need to explain. He was hurting alongside me but he was able to get on with life much easier than me. I think it's just different for men, we feel our babies growing inside us and are the ones who give birth to them, try as they might, they can never understand that.

At least you can speak to people in here who understand how you feel, I'm not sure how I would have coped without that x


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## Kelly9

bnb has been a good thing but a bad thing as well, in the last few months I haven't been on here often, all of my usual circle on here were pregnant or had just had their babies so it was to painful to constantly be reminded that I was no longer pregnant. I haven't gone into any of their journals since we lost Hannah and I don't suspect I'll be back in them anytime soon. I have a few close friends that I call when I need to talk and I have been seeing a counsellor which helps, it's nice to know every 2 weeks I can go into a room and just talk about her without worrying about crying or asking how other people are. I see my counsellor tomorrow, and I think our next apt will be scheduled with when I test after the FET, I'll need someone to talk to if it's neg and if it's pos. I think test date for me will be may 7th.


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## Bride2b

Hi Pinkorblue, I'm so sorry to read your post, I cant imagine how hard that must have been to go through what you did, and without his daddy by your side. This place is quieter these days BUT there is always overwhelming support through those dark days that you think will never pass. I hope the near future is kind to you.xxx

Kelly - good luck with the FET, I have everything crossed that it works for you before your due date with Hannah. I cant wait to hear some good news from you!

Christine congrats on your news! Maybe you should tell your boss then at least if your not feeling well he knows there is a genuine reason and hopefully they will understand your circumstances xx

I know I dont come here often but I think of all of you who I dont speak to on a regular basis. As I have said numerous times this area of BNB has been my saviour, but I have also felt great sadness coming here & it being a reminder of the painful journey I am on. My due date is in 2 days, at the moment I am OK. I am just keeping busy. I have had a few more tears this week than the last few but I am also thinking its going to be worse than what it will be if that makes sense. I am hoping that my darling baby boy Bertie is looking down on me and blesses me with a present on his due date - I am due to ovulate & I hope he can help me be blessed with a new pregnancy as a gift. I cant wait to have kids and tell them about their special big brother xx


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## Kelly9

^ I do the same thing, when I talk to Hannah before I go to bed every night I ask her to send us a rainbow with this cycle, I don't know why I think she can help with that but there ya go. I hope to be giving good news to. 

Has anyone else ttc in here had any luck? I know kiki was in the midst of it did she get her bfp?


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## Bride2b

She is about to O or just O I believe. Britney (Blav) got her BFP 2 weeks ago!! So hopefully its the start of a nice little lot of rainbows! x


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## Kelly9

That is good news. I hope we have a string of bfps to, looks like kiki, myself and you bride will be close this cycle. Maybe we'll all get lucky.


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## Bride2b

Fingers are crossed xxxx


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## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> Fingers are crossed xxxx

just wanted to wish all of you lots of luck.

:dust::dust::dust:


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## Kelly9

So I'm finally pupo with my twin embies whom I've nicknamed "luck and love" official test date isn't till may 15th but I'll be testing at 10 or 11dpo on the 7th or 8th of this month, so one week to go. Hopefully I will get my rainbow or maybe a double rainbow.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> So I'm finally pupo with my twin embies whom I've nicknamed "luck and love" official test date isn't till may 15th but I'll be testing at 10 or 11dpo on the 7th or 8th of this month, so one week to go. Hopefully I will get my rainbow or maybe a double rainbow.


stick little beans - sending you lots of baby dust

:dust::dust::dust::dust:


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## WILSMUM

good luck hun i have everything crossed for you :hugs:


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## Bride2b

Good luck Kelly, I hope this works out for you, I will be checking back for progress xxx


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## Pinkorblue11

Good luck, Kelly! :flower:


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## Kelly9

Thanks ladies. I'll keep you informed.


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## collie_crazy

Good luck Kelly - I have everything crossed for you! :dust:


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## Kelly9

I don't know if it's going to result in a bfp I've had zero symptoms which is a little alarming and depressing, with both my other pregnancies I had cramping and sore boobs. We'll see test day is 3-5 days away.


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## Bride2b

Hopefully Kelly its a case of 'all pregnancies are different' I still have everything crossed for you xx Good luck hun xx


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## Kelly9

Thanks! I managed not to test today which is good cause I'm only 8dpo. Just got to make it through Sunday now.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> Thanks! I managed not to test today which is good cause I'm only 8dpo. Just got to make it through Sunday now.

Hi kelly, sending you lots of baby dust. Hope you get your BFP this month.:hugs:


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## Kelly9

I tested at 9 and 10dpo and they were neg, am hoping it was just to early but I have zero symptoms too which is more bothering then the early negative tests I did. I'm afraid I don't have much hope left. I'm testing tomorrow at 12dpo.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> I tested at 9 and 10dpo and they were neg, am hoping it was just to early but I have zero symptoms too which is more bothering then the early negative tests I did. I'm afraid I don't have much hope left. I'm testing tomorrow at 12dpo.

Hi, it may be a little early, there`s still hope.:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kelly9

I know it was early but my complete and utter lack of any symptoms makes it hard to believe that I am. Testing tomorrow, I'm super scared cause I know whatever the results tomorrow they are likely right. I'm so afraid to see a bfn after everything we've been through.


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## WILSMUM

fingers crossed for that BFP for you today hun :hug:


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## collie_crazy

:hugs:


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## Kelly9

It was neg. Not much chance it will change in the coming days.


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## collie_crazy

I'm sorry it was negative Kelly :( I really truly had everything crossed for you. Still hoping it could change though. What happens is this cycle is unsuccessful? :hugs:


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## Kelly9

We hope to get in for another fresh cycle and spend another 9000 dollars but we're going to be moving soon so time is tight.


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> We hope to get in for another fresh cycle and spend another 9000 dollars but we're going to be moving soon so time is tight.

Sorry it was a negative kelly9 - keeping everything crossed for you that next time it works out.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Bride2b

Oh Kelly I'm sorry. FX that next time is the lucky cycle. Hope your ok. xxx

Lisa I see in your siggy you are 'trying for a rainbow' woweeee you got him to change his mind!! Hows it all going?xxx


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## dancareoi

Bride2b said:


> Oh Kelly I'm sorry. FX that next time is the lucky cycle. Hope your ok. xxx
> 
> Lisa I see in your siggy you are 'trying for a rainbow' woweeee you got him to change his mind!! Hows it all going?xxx

Hi Gemma, yes our hospital appoinment last week was good and DH agreed to TTC straight away!!! 

Hopefully i will be PG soon and once i am the hospital will see me every 2 weeks to scan me. Nothing is guaranteed, but they have promised to offer us the best care possible and if we are unlucky enough to lose another they have promised not to let us get as far as we did last time.

I feel safe that we are in good hands and will have to see what happens.

I think I will be OV in the next couple of days, so it is all systems go at the moment. DH was going to go out with mates on Saturday night(first time in ages) but has made his excuses as he has other things to attend to!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i see from another post that your LP is really short, I think mine is about 10 days so i`m hoping that will be ok.

Keeping everything crossed for you.

Keep me updated on how it is going and I will let you know how we are getting on too.xxxxxxxx


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## Bride2b

Good on your hubby for being otherwise engaged on Saturday! Love him! I have everything crossed for you. Good luck xxx


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## Pinkorblue11

Hope next cycle gives you your bfp, Kelly. :hugs: 

Good luck, dancareoi, hope your ttc journey is a short one! :flower:


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## Kelly9

^ me too, we can't afford much more treatment. We'll be borrowing money from our parents this time.


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## Kelly9

anyone still on here anymore?


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## Bride2b

Hi Kelly

This thread is in my saved threads so I do see if anyone posts. I think its gone quiet.

How are you getting on?

I got my BFP 6 weeks ago, but last week I found out it was ectopic (I was 9 weeks) so I had emergency surgery to remove the baby and my tube. So just more bad luck for me! I just feel like its another set back which is hard to take. I felt so positive that everything was going to be fine too so it was a massive shock to find out it was ectopic and that I was very lucky it hadnt ruptured especially as I got so far along too compared with most ectopics.


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## Kelly9

oh bride I'm so sorry it ended like that. I'd be shocked to. Why did they take the tube if it hadn't ruptured? I really hope you get your forever rainbow, life just isn't fair sometimes. 

I'm pupo again, 7dpo with 1 perfect blast and really feeling more positive about this cycle. Won't know for another week though if it's worked, trying not to test early to avoid the disappointment from getting all those negatives last time.


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## Bride2b

Oh I have everything crossed this is your lucky cycle! Its about time that you got your rainbow! Please keep me updated!

My tube couldnt be saved as the baby was too big at 9 weeks, it would have been far too damaged to leave it in there after removing the baby and the risk of another ectopic would be much higher if it was left, so it was better to remove it.

Got to wait now 3 months before trying again. I guess its lucky I get married in 2 weeks so its helping to take my mind off the crap thats been thrown at me!!

Fingers are crossed for you hun xx


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## Kelly9

Getting married will certainly pass the time for you :hugs:

I will keep you updated even if it's just you :) I'm feeling so much better about this cycle then the last and mentally I'm in better shape. Tomorrow marks 6 months since we lost our daughter. I can't believe it's been 6 months already.


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## Pinkorblue11

This is saved for me well, it has been quiet.. 

Sorry to hear that, bride2b :hugs: 

FX for you Kelly! :dust: 

I'm trying to conceive again, tried this cycle but I ovulated a couple of days early. So hopefully the end of this month or early August goes smoothly.


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## Kelly9

good luck pinkorblue I hope you get your rainbow soon to.


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## mhazzab

Kelly9 said:


> I'm pupo again, 7dpo with 1 perfect blast and really feeling more positive about this cycle. Won't know for another week though if it's worked, trying not to test early to avoid the disappointment from getting all those negatives last time.

good lucky Kelly, I really hope you get your BFP you deserve it so much xx


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## dancareoi

mhazzab said:


> Kelly9 said:
> 
> 
> I'm pupo again, 7dpo with 1 perfect blast and really feeling more positive about this cycle. Won't know for another week though if it's worked, trying not to test early to avoid the disappointment from getting all those negatives last time.
> 
> good lucky Kelly, I really hope you get your BFP you deserve it so much xxClick to expand...

mhazzab - many congratulations on the birth of your rainbow daughter.:baby:

kelly9 - FX for you this month.:dust:

bride2b - hope you are doing ok.:hugs:


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## Kelly9

mhazzab lots of congratulations! 

Well I'll know in a few short days, till then I'm trying to keep busy. 

So happy to see some of the old faces on here and with great news to.


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## mhazzab

Thanks guys...it's nice to have something to smile about again. No problems at all this pregnancy, I hope that gives you a little hope.

I often pop in here, but don't always post.

Sending you both lots of baby dust x


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## Pinkorblue11

Congrats on your rainbow, mhazzab! :) :flower:


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## Kelly9

I am very happy to say that I got my true :bfp: this morning, as I suspected my trigger never left but now my test lines are dark enough from the squinters I was getting to feel comfortable saying it. I got my first true (just didn't believe it) positive on friday the 13th, the 6 months anniversary of the loss of our daughter, maybe Hannah was looking out for me after all. :cry:


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## Pinkorblue11

Kelly!!!! :happydance: Congrats, I think your little Hannah is and will always look out for her mommy. :hugs: Wishing you a very healthy and peaceful 9 months!


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## mhazzab

Kelly9 said:


> I am very happy to say that I got my true :bfp: this morning, as I suspected my trigger never left but now my test lines are dark enough from the squinters I was getting to feel comfortable saying it. I got my first true (just didn't believe it) positive on friday the 13th, the 6 months anniversary of the loss of our daughter, maybe Hannah was looking out for me after all. :cry:

Oh wow I am so very happy for you...this is fantastic news x


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## dancareoi

Kelly9 said:


> I am very happy to say that I got my true :bfp: this morning, as I suspected my trigger never left but now my test lines are dark enough from the squinters I was getting to feel comfortable saying it. I got my first true (just didn't believe it) positive on friday the 13th, the 6 months anniversary of the loss of our daughter, maybe Hannah was looking out for me after all. :cry:

Kelly9, congratulations, that is wonderful news - your little Hannah is truly looking out for you.
Wishing you a happy and healthy nine months.:hugs:


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## collie_crazy

Wow Kelly thats fab news!! congratulations :happydance: How are you feeling? Do you know what extra care etc you will have this time :hugs:


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## Kelly9

Collie what a cutie you have in your avatar, huge congrats!

I don't think I'll have much extra care as our daughter had a specific condition that is not genetic but I do have an av fistula in my uterus so they may scan me a bit more frequently, it all depends on what my OB says. I guess I'm high risk now for every pregnancy cause I have a higher risk of haemorrhaging during labour and c sections would put me at high risk for bleeding as well (though I hope to never have one of those). I don't expect my dating scan will be before 7 weeks so mid august then I hope to get one for right around 9-10 weeks to settle my nerves then I'll have the usual 12 week screen, it'll be this one that scares me as our daughters condition was noticed at the 12 week scan. 

I'm feeling pretty good I'm super early only 3+3 I found out at 3+1! So just achey back and boobs, tiredness and cramps. Ms will likely kick in in about 2 weeks or so.


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## Bride2b

:happydance: Amazing news Kelly!! I am so happy for you! Congrats hun - wow Friday 13th was lucky for you! 

Its funny that I got my BFP a few days after the 7 month mark, and heard of other who got their BFP around the 6 month mark of their angels.......

I wish you a happy & healthy 9 months, congrats again xxxxxx:thumbup:


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## Kelly9

Unfortunately friday the 13th isn't lucky for me, we lost Hannah Jan friday the 13th but the bfp did make me smile and feel excited this time around, thats why I feel Hannah was looking out for me.


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