# Kind of nervous...



## Cassie10

There are still alot of people of I don't speak to regularly that don't know I lost Brailynn. It was just a few weeks ago I posted on facebook about having a glass of wine and I got a few messages asking why I was drinking. 

Anyways I put this as my FB status... "October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day... Too many of us feel like we can't really grieve our losses especially not openly so today is the day to remember our babies that have been lost. If everyone could please light a candle at 7 PM and leave it burning for at least one hour. This will cause a continuous wave of light for our sweet angels that have been lost. Thanks everyone!" 

Below in the comments I put I would be lighting one for Brailynn... Now I'm kind of nervous about the messages I may get. I'm already emotional today so I don't know if I can explain over and over again what happened.

I just feel like I am tired of hiding it... She wasn't some little secret ya know. She was my baby and I want everyone to know her and know how much I love her and miss her. I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or anything though...


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## mhazzab

you are right, you shouldn't have to hide what happened to you just to save other people from being uncomfortable. There is just something about losing a child that makes a lot of people very uneasy, I have noticed. That's their problem, not yours though.

if you get a lot of questions about what happened, maybe you could just answer them all in one comment, or one message to everyone?

I hope you find that all of your friends are there for you, and if they aren't...they aren't a real friend.

Be proud of Brailynn and don't be afraid to talk about her - she was and still is, your little girl.

hugs xxx


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## KamIAm

:hugs:Hugs to you sweetie! :flower:

Facebook can be an interesting format for this topic, some choose to be more private than others, I think it's however works for you... 

I personally, chose to use facebook to my advantage... I got SO tired of re-explaining what happened so I just posted a mass post for everyone that is my friend can see and be able to see how I was doing, to save me from having to talk to each and every one individually... It helped me a ton! 
I found that I posted ALOT on facebook, just shouted out my feelings, or my wants.. Everyone was worried and always called or texted, which drove me nuts but once I started using facebook it all stopped, it was great! :thumbup: My OH hated that I chose to post, he thought I should keep everything to myself, or private... but he also wasn't the one that had to face everyone's calls, questions, or concerns on a daily basis....

So, I still use my status line on facebook to let others know how I am, and whether I am up for company, visits or not.... 

Since I do share quite a bit on facebook, I keep all my settings on private... I only allow "my friends" to have access ....

Hope everyone you encounter is gentle and respectful ...:hugs:


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## SarahJane

I am the same as Iamkam, I have never ever held back on facebook. I always took the view that if they are offended they shouldn't be my friend on there. It is a very personal decision though and only you know your limits. Look after yourself babe xxx

Loads and loads of love and hugs for you and Brailynn xxx


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## Hellylou

I haven't posted on facebook at all since my loss, but I wasn't a big facebook user in the first place. There are loads of people who have no idea about any of this - most of my facebook friends, in fact. I just couldn't face drawing attention to it all and dealing with questions by posting the wave of light message as my status, even though part of me wanted to. 

That's just me, though. I'm pretty private by nature, and most people didn't even know I was pregnant. I had announced to people I see all the time, work, and close family, but most on facebook were unaware anyway. I was going to announce on facebook maybe later on down the line - post 20 week scan maybe, but I never got that far...:cry:


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## Andypanda6570

You shouldn't hide anything it is not healthy for you . And if anyone says something stupid delete them. You need a lot of understanding now in your life so don't surround yourself with people who wont give that to you. Believe me I am 41 and I have learned life is way to short to not be around the wrong people. I am thinking of you and know we all care about you and wil always be here for you..XOXOOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## MummyStobe

I had never actually posted on facebook that I was expecting so I didn't feel like I had to put anything on there about losing Max. However on the day of his funeral I did post 'that it was so hard to say goodbye when I hadn't had the chance to say hello' and a couple of people sent me private messages asking what had happened and asking if I was ok and I found myself wanting to explain to them.
Today I posted about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Max is part of my life and I don't want to hide him away. So what if people I haven't seen since school don't know what to say to me, I know who my real friends are and they have all been fantastic over the past couple of months. Having said that one girl who I know from school posted on today's status with a row of kisses, it was all she had to do to let me know she was thinking about me.


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## collie_crazy

Oh Cassie :hugs::hugs: I hope if you got comments they were nice ones. 

I have used facebook more and more since my loss - I dont know why because sometimes it annoys me when I post what I'm feeling or maybe just a little poem and people reply with the standard *hugs* message. I get like twenty virtual hugs and then I want to scream STOP IT because its like so what :shrug: You dont really care and if you did you would post more than *hugs*! But I guess its just peoples way of showing they are thinking of me and reading the status - so I shouldnt be so ungrateful. I think people are probably sick of my posting now... but I dont do it for sympathy or whatever I find it helps just to write it out :shrug:

I dont know what I would have done if I had to tell people individually what had happened - I found it much easier to update via facebook. Obviously family knew first... 

But I know what you mean about people not knowing you're not pregnant - I was shopping the other day and seen someone I knew, that knew I was pregnant but does not know we lost Emily and my heart literally stopped beating - I paniced and raced out of there because I couldnt face her asking how the baby was or why I didnt have a bump. Its strange also because my neighbours etc dont know I was pregnant, so they dont know I lost a baby and it was very strange in the early days when I was so upset and they would say hello as though nothing had happened.


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## SarahJane

MummyStobe said:


> I had never actually posted on facebook that I was expecting so I didn't feel like I had to put anything on there about losing Max. However on the day of his funeral I did post 'that it was so hard to say goodbye when I hadn't had the chance to say hello' and a couple of people sent me private messages asking what had happened and asking if I was ok and I found myself wanting to explain to them.
> Today I posted about Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Max is part of my life and I don't want to hide him away. So what if people I haven't seen since school don't know what to say to me, I know who my real friends are and they have all been fantastic over the past couple of months. Having said that one girl who I know from school posted on today's status with a row of kisses, it was all she had to do to let me know she was thinking about me.

I have found that lots of people say nothing through fear of saying the wrong thing hun x

It was lovely of your friend from school to do that though.

:hugs:


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## Cassie10

Thanks guys. So far everyone on there has responded by saying they will light a candle for Brailynn.

I had announced on FB that I was pregnant at about 9 weeks...then when the problems started at 12 weeks that is how I kept everyone updated on how we were doing, what the doctors said, etc. After we lost her I didn't post anything for a very long time. Then once I started posting again I acted as if nothing had happened.

I created an album for today and I almost put up a sonogram picture of Brailynn... I figure since I've made it this far and have started to let everyone know that it would be nice to share. I almost feel stronger now that I am letting everyone know. 

It is so easy to talk to all of yall because you can understand and always know the right things to say. It is so much more difficult to tell the rest of the world. It may sound silly but I kind of felt like all this time I've been protecting her from everybody but really I was just protecting myself and not letting everyone know how amazing she made me feel for the little while she was a part of me.


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## collie_crazy

I am glad you are feeling stronger now that you are telling people :hugs: It really does help to talk. And if you are not comfortable with putting the sonogram onto facebook yet then maybe you could think about posting it here instead? :hugs:


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## Vickieh1981

It's hard in the earlier days when there are still people who don't know and you have to keep going over it. It's nicer when everyone knows and you can just speak openly about your angel. xx


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## Cassie10

That's a good idea...I think I will post it here first. :)

There are a few people I talk to pretty openly about it... Those are the few people that don't call her "the baby". They actually call her by her name which I don't think they know how much that means to me.


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## Cassie10

I set it as my picture... This is my favorite one. It was before the fluid had built up too badly. :cry:


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## collie_crazy

That is a beautiful ultrasound pic Cassie and I'm glad you felt able to share Brailynn with us :hugs: We dont really have a good sonogram of Emily, they didnt give us one at our 12 week scan - I asked for one when we got the CVS test done at 13w but the doctor tried to get one where the fluid wasn't so apparent but you cant really make out the baby shape... and by the next scan I wouldnt have wanted a pic of her like that surronded by so much fluid :cry:


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## Cassie10

Thank you. :hugs: They had to try for a while to get this one. In all the other ones the fluid is so obvious. I was so oblivious back then though... I just saw my baby. I didn't see the fluid at all actually. I can see it now... especially in the last ultrasound at 14w1d. I can barely even look at those. It is astonishing how quickly the fluid will build up. 

I'm sorry you weren't able to get a good sonogram pic of little Emily. I bet she was beautiful! :hugs: I bet she still is beautiful actually...


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## SarahJane

Your pic is gorgeous Cassie, a stunning little girl xxx


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## Cassie10

Thank you! :)


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## Andypanda6570

Cassie10 said:


> I set it as my picture... This is my favorite one. It was before the fluid had built up too badly. :cry:

:cry::cry: I am so sorry..What a beautiful picture..XOXOXOO:hugs::hugs:


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## Cassie10

Thank you so much :hugs:


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## KamIAm

Oooh Cassie! What an amazing picture!! :flower:

She is beautiful!!! :hugs::hugs:


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## Cassie10

:hugs: Thank you sooo much!


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## mhazzab

Cassie, I am so happy you got a good ultrasound pic of Brailynn, and that you have shared it on here with us...thankyou so much :hugs:
xxx


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## yazoo

Brailynn's pic is gorgeous Cassie. 

In relation to facebook, I deleted my account before Jakob was born due to privacy issues (someone I wasn't friends with could see my pics despite me having everything set to friends only so I was pretty p*ssed off with that) but after Jakob was born I was so glad I did. I dreaded the thoughts of people asking me how baby was and how the pregnancy was going and me having to explain to them what happened. I have thought about rejoining since but I chicken out every time.


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## jaykay

Cassie10 said:


> Thanks guys. So far everyone on there has responded by saying they will light a candle for Brailynn.
> 
> I had announced on FB that I was pregnant at about 9 weeks...then when the problems started at 12 weeks that is how I kept everyone updated on how we were doing, what the doctors said, etc. After we lost her I didn't post anything for a very long time. Then once I started posting again I acted as if nothing had happened.
> 
> I created an album for today and I almost put up a sonogram picture of Brailynn... I figure since I've made it this far and have started to let everyone know that it would be nice to share. I almost feel stronger now that I am letting everyone know.
> 
> It is so easy to talk to all of yall because you can understand and always know the right things to say. It is so much more difficult to tell the rest of the world. It may sound silly but I kind of felt like all this time I've been protecting her from everybody but really I was just protecting myself and not letting everyone know how amazing she made me feel for the little while she was a part of me.

Hello, it sounds like you have some lovely friends on FB, who created a beautiful light for Brailynn. I used FB too, when I lost my angel Alex. I found it very comforting because my friends showed me lots of support, and were able to post things that maybe they would have found difficult saying to me in person.

Take care :hugs: xx


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## Cassie10

Thank you all so much! 

I was pretty surprised about the reactions I got. They were all very lovely... I even had a few people on there that let me know about times they had lost a little one. They wanted to let me know that they understand and are here if I ever need to talk. It was very nice and very much appreciated!


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## mhazzab

Cassie10 said:


> Thank you all so much!
> 
> I was pretty surprised about the reactions I got. They were all very lovely... I even had a few people on there that let me know about times they had lost a little one. They wanted to let me know that they understand and are here if I ever need to talk. It was very nice and very much appreciated!

that happened to me too, when we put a message on FB that the girls had passed away. I was touched that people trusted us enough to share their story with us, and that they wanted to do something to make us feel less alone. It's sad that people feel they have to hide these losses.

I'm glad your friends have all been there for you xxx


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## Cassie10

It is very sad that we feel we need to hide what happened. I think something kind of clicked in me yesterday though and I want to just shout out to everyone that yes I was pregnant and no I'm not anymore but I love that little girl with every ounce of my soul and I always will! It feels good to talk about her and remember the good feelings.


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## SarahJane

If it helps to talk, we are here to listen babe. Pregnancy is a wonderful thing, I can still remember the moment where I put the car keys in the fridge and smile. I also did lots of other very silly things but it is those things I can look back on and make me so happy.


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## Vickieh1981

Awww she is precious. Thank you for sharing her with us. 

I am Vickie Hatherley on fb by the way if you would like to add me. It'd be good to chat xxxx


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## Cassie10

Thank you! I would love to add you! 

I sometimes forget about the good memories because I feel this emptiness all the time but I need to try to remember the good more often.

Like the feeling when I saw those two beautiful clear lines...and getting to tell my husband after all those months of trying we were actually pregnant! 

And finding her heartbeat on the doppler for the first time... gosh I tried for weeks and finally when I heard that little thump thump going so fast I burst into tears! 

Ahhh here I go rambling again! LOL!


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## mhazzab

Cassie10 said:


> Thank you! I would love to add you!
> 
> I sometimes forget about the good memories because I feel this emptiness all the time but I need to try to remember the good more often.
> 
> Like the feeling when I saw those two beautiful clear lines...and getting to tell my husband after all those months of trying we were actually pregnant!
> 
> And finding her heartbeat on the doppler for the first time... gosh I tried for weeks and finally when I heard that little thump thump going so fast I burst into tears!
> 
> Ahhh here I go rambling again! LOL!

it's not rambling! it's talking about your daughter, other people are allowed that, why aren't we? those sound like good memories.

I'm always up for listening if you want to talk about her xxx


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## SarahJane

Yeah been meaning to say to all of you wonderful girls in here - I am Sarah Fellows on FB - just add me if you like (profile pic currently 2 magpies) x


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## Cassie10

I would love for anyone to add me as well... I am Cassie Riddle on facebook! 

And thank you all for listening... It really is so helpful having all of you!


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