# Anyone else parenting gifted children?



## BKKBabe

It's never about bragging and mainly about supporting each other through the challenges and difficulties but it's always nice to connect with other parents that can relate. 

Would love to hear from anyone parenting a or several gifted child/ren. 

My daughter is going on 7yo and my son is 4yo. Challenges are daily. The intensity is off the chart. Would love to find others with whom to discuss, schooling, behaviours, sleep, therapists...


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## lindseymw

My eldest is on the Gifted and Talented List due to his high level of reading and understanding.

We haven't come across any challenges really. School are very supportive in this aspect and make sure he challenged enough. He is taken to another class for English and Maths.

The only struggle we have really is finding books that are suitable for his reading level and his age. 

We also have to be careful where we take him, i.e we went to Croatia last year and visited a museum about the Bosnian war. As he was reading it all (obviously wasn't suitable content for a 5 year old), we had to make a quick exit.


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## Elljo3

My daughter has always read at 3 years higher than her age.


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## alibaba24

I never realised there was a gifted list? what is this would love to know


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## aimee-lou

Earl's in G&T at school too. Early days obviously as he's still in Reception but the school are trying. Only issues so far have been that they can't keep up with him reading wise. As soon as they put him up a bracket, he's steaming through the books in that colour lol. 

We're moving soon, so I'm hoping that his new school will be a bit more prepared to meet his needs. For the time being I'm doing some more home-study type stuff with him and making sure he reads every day. I'm trying to get him doing more numeracy work as they really don't focus on that at school much but he really enjoys it, and he learned to tell the time last year which impressed his teachers.


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## OmarsMum

DS is bilingual, he reads very well in English (3 yrs ahead of his age), so now we are concentrating on Arabic more than English, he can read in Arabic but he still can't write well. We are also engaging him in sports as he is showing interest in that area. He goes to swimming, karate & football. We also enrolled him in piano classes & now he can read basic notes. 


We concentrate on adding to his knowledge, like buying mini encyclopaedias. 

I'm not sure if he is gifted or not, but he is advanced for his age. He can add & subtract easily in his head, he loves to pretend to buy & sell & he plays with real money. 

The struggle we face are social, he is more mature than his peers at school, so his teachers are working on that area, he is also obsessed with following the rules and too serious at school (he is not at home). 

he is a perfectionist, which is a struggle for us and his teachers. He will not do anything if he can't master it, that is one of he reasons why we enrolled him in sports.


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## lindseymw

alibaba24 said:


> I never realised there was a gifted list? what is this would love to know

I didn't know much about it until Joshua was at School. We went for the initial parents evening when he started Reception (after a few weeks of starting). The Teacher discussed it with us and said that he would be placed on the list. I believe the School gets extra funding to help. 

It covers academic subject (english, maths etc) as well others such art.


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## erinprime

I am curious how early you could tell that your child was gifted? My almost 17 month old knows all letters, uppercase and lowercase and can tell you what sound they make phonetically. She is just starting to figure out the answer to questions like "What letter does the word tiger start with?" She wil sound it out and say T. She can't do this for all sounds yet but she gets better at it every week! She also knows numbers 1-20 and can count things accurately if there are just a few. She is my first so I have no one to compare her to but I have learned to not talk about it with mom friends because they do not have the same experience with their babies.

I am curious if this will slow down and she will become more like her peers or if I am in for a ride with academics.


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## BKKBabe

Omar's mom - definitely sounds like he is gifted. It is very typical for them to have social issues and be obsessed with things like rules. May I suggest a book? A parent's guide to gifted children. It's been a life saver for us.

Erinprime - most litterature will say that you can spot it as babies (in a lot of cases) when you know what you are looking for. Definitely sounds like your daughter could be.

Being ahead academically is only one sign. My daughter was UBER fast in language acquisition but is not standing out in school in regular subjects. Yet when they tested her, she was evaluated to be in the 1-0.5% top percentile of IQ. It manifests itself in all sorts of way.

But one trait that describes most of these children is INTENSITY. In emotions, interests, focus... And the higher the IQ, the higher the intensity (generally, as everything in life, nothing is a hard fast rule ;))

My daughter's school has an ''exceptional learner'' program where they actually test the children to determine wether they are high achievers in particular subject (which does not automatically mean they are gifted) or gifted. Either way, they provide support but it gives them a better idea of the child's profile.


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## BKKBabe

erinprime - sorry, just read your last phrase... totally get you, I hesitated posting this because there are all kinds of strange (and wonderfully supportive sometimes) reactions. WE were going through the same thing with our daughter and could tell she was different - people commented on it all the time - but had no idea what we were dealing with. Frankly, it's when she started school and we started having issues socially and with teachers and that a teacher friend suggested we look into it that we investigated it further. 

And I'm glad I did because parenting is a challenge in the best of times but when you're child is vastly different from the average, you can often feel isolated with your experiences. Since giftedness is not so well known and has so much stigma around it, you end up picking and choosing who you can share with. 

Anyways, nice to meet you :flower:


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## Midnight_Fairy

I hope schools scrap the list soon
They put pressure on the children they expect good SATS results from to make the school league results better! My son is 10 and is expected to be one of only 2 children to get a level 6 in his sats and oh boy do they want to make sure he gets it. Personally I told him not to sTress.


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## erinprime

BKKBabe - intense is one word I would definitely use to describe my daughter, and it has been that way since the day she was born. Everyone talked about this potato sleepy newborn stage and we did not have anything like that. As a newborn she would stay awake for 12 hour stretches in the day regardless of what we did and she was always just so alert and aware of what was going on around her. She hated everything about being a baby and was pretty much miserable all the time until she gained some independence. She has _always_ known exactly what she wants and would get so angry if I couldn't figure it out. My friends would talk about how much harder their babies were once they started crawling and I was just thinking... "what do you mean? She can finally get wherever she wants to go so she doesn't scream all day. This is much easier!" 

I don't know how her language compares to the norm but from the small group of mom friends I have she is much further along than the other toddlers her age. She says more words than I can count (can label every object and action in our day to day lives). She learns a new word from just one exposure and can recall it weeks later. Earlier this week we went on a walk and I pointed out the differences between chickadees and robins and she remembered which was which later in the week when we saw some birds in our lawn. She isn't speaking full sentences quite yet but lots of 3 word phrases like "sip mommy cup" if she wants me to give her my drink. She will be 17 months old in a week. 

She currently only speaks if she is in a setting that is comfortable to her so she doesn't say much with other people. She has always been painfully shy. I had selective mutism as a child so I hope she doesn't have social problems that extreme. 

I am very curious to see how she develops and what things will look like once she is school age. It sounds like your school district is great, your daughter is lucky. The city we live in has just started a gifted program but it is currently only at he high school level.

One friend, who has a son 2 months older, actually told me that I should not try and teach her so much when she is so young, but all I have been doing is going along with her interests. If anything, sometimes I get bored with something she is in to and try to get her to focus on something else. When she first became interested in letters I had to stop wearing clothing with writing on it because she would just obsess over the letters alllllllllll day long.


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## Jchihuahua

As a teacher I personally feel ALL children are gifted and talented in some area.

My own daughter is an interesting one. She is highly sensitive and emotional and has things that she finds very difficult because she is so sensitive and can struggle to manage her feelings but she is exceptionally gifted with her reading. She knew all her phonics at 2, could read pink and red band books at 3 and now at 5 is currently reading lime band books at school (stage 11 and aimed at 8 year olds). At home she reads Enid Blyton and Roald Dahl books independently - The Wishing Chair is the latest she's read. She could pick up The Times and read it word perfect but obviously have no comprehension of what she is reading. She is also working two years above with her writing and maths.


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## MollyMalone

My sister was deemed gifted by the school psychologist when she was 6 year old (or younger, not sure). My mom was told at that stage she should have been in secondary school and by the time she started secondary school she should have been in college really. She is 24 now. 

I think the most important thing is finding a school that understand their needs. My parents were told to let her stay at home whenever she wanted to because she was still learning then. When she started secondary school things weren't so great for her because they weren't able to understand that her needs were different (and my mom didn't highlight the issue with them either). When we moved to Ireland the new teachers quickly picked up on it and were absolutely brilliant. 

In terms of challenges.. I guess that what she excelled in intelligence she lacked in social skills. She always had friends but she was "weird" I guess. She also had a hard time dealing with emotions..it's like she was behind in that area. As a toddler she was a bit behind in speech, but quickly caught up with the rest. She was also a very "needy" and clingy child and barely slept. To this day she doesn't sleep much.


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## Larkspur

I'll be keeping an eye on this thread. My son is not quite three but I have been told he may be gifted (which would not be too surprising as I tested in the gifted category as a child). 

Erin, my son also knew all his alphabet and most numbers up to 20 around that age. 

He does the same thing with letters and sounding out the start of words, can recognise and spell quite a few words now, has been able to recite my and my partner's cellphone numbers from memory since he was just two, and speaks in extremely complex sentences. 

Omar's Mum - yes, I recognise that perfectionist streak too. My son will watch and watch and watch and refuse to even try new things, but when he is ready, will do it perfectly first go. 

I would not actually describe him as an "intense" child in the way you often hear about with gifted children. He's more like an "old soul" - he's been preternaturally calm and self-possessed since a very young age.


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## BKKBabe

jchuahua - I completely understand what you mean but the term ''gifted'' - although maybe this should have been labelled differently but we have to use the term accepted- refers to more than talents and uniqueness. Every child is as valuable as the next and every child needs to be cherished. They are all important in their own way. But the ''gifted'' child that truly has an IQ in the top 3% is as different from the average than a child that lives in the bottom 3%. And I'm sure you wouldn't say that all children are mentally delayed (or whatever you deem the PC word to be) in their own way. Gifted children are wired differently and their needs are as different from the average than children with learning disabilities, this is fact, not opinion. They are just so much better at adapting that it's not as often detected. 

I would highly recommend anyone interested in the subject, who has a child they think may be gifted read ''A parent's guide to gifted children''. 

Larkspur - definitely genetic as well. My whole family is gifted and all of our children are as well. Makes for complicated family dynamics :blush:

Mollymalone - Thanks for sharing :)

erinprime - yup. Same with both of mine. And even within gifted children, they are as different from each other than any other individuals. And they often have asynchronisms in their developments meaning they'll be way ahead in some areas and barely average or even below in other areas. My daughter is not so well coordinated physically but she could explain photosynthesis at age 2. And it's not about us pushing information on them. They just naturally pick up more and you keeping up. It's not like you're drilling her. My son for example has an outstanding memory. He loves movies and can reenact scenes word for word and movement for movement. 

midnight fairy - I hear you. It can definitely have a double-edged and these programs need to address more than their areas of high-achievements and should be managed the same way as learning support for children with disabilities: you support them in the areas where regular programs do not fit their needs to benefit THEM.


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## Jchihuahua

BKKBabe said:


> jchuahua - I completely understand what you mean but the term ''gifted'' - although maybe this should have been labelled differently but we have to use the term accepted- refers to more than talents and uniqueness. Every child is as valuable as the next and every child needs to be cherished. They are all important in their own way. But the ''gifted'' child that truly has an IQ in the top 3% is as different from the average than a child that lives in the bottom 3%. And I'm sure you wouldn't say that all children are mentally delayed (or whatever you deem the PC word to be) in their own way. Gifted children are wired differently and their needs are as different from the average than children with learning disabilities, this is fact, not opinion. They are just so much better at adapting that it's not as often detected.
> 
> I would highly recommend anyone interested in the subject, who has a child they think may be gifted read ''A parent's guide to gifted children''.
> .

I have been a teacher for 16 years and all I meant was some children are gifted academically, others in music/art/sports. Some have amazing personal, social and emotional skills.


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## Cattia

My children are not 'gifted' as far as I can see so far. However I think the problem with the gifted and talented lists here is that they have become another political tool. Schools are judged on the performance of students on their gifted and talented lists, in the same way that they are judged on the performance of those on free school meals etc. I can't help thinking that if our education system (and I mean the system, not the individual teachers) really prioritized the individual learning of each child rather than having to chase after targets and constantly produce evidence of what we are doing, then we wouldn't really need a separate provision for gifted and talented.


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## BKKBabe

jchuahua - I hear you! and I agree with you! It's a bit of a problem that the term chosen for those children with an IQ in the top 2% is ''gifted'' because sensibly, it can mean exactly what you've described. Yet for them, it's on a completely different level. There's no confusion when you say you're child is dyslexic or has an attention deficit disorder. But when you say ''gifted'', it's not so clear and a lot of people perceive this as us saying our children are somehow ''more'' (not so). They're just different. And it's different from having an outstanding talent. 

Cattia - what I said above explains part of this. ''Gifted'' and ''talented'' are two different beasts and unfortunately, when we say ''gifted'' it is often perceived as elitist and even more unfortunately, some people that run these programs, run them as so. I completely agree that focus should be put on individual needs, but gifted children do have significantly different needs then the average child. And I don't say ''average'' in a demeaning way, human IQ is a bell curve and it's just a fact that only about 2-3% will have an IQ above 135. 

Gifted children (and individuals - gifted children become gifted adults) are biologically different. And a lot of them wouldn't even get picked out to be in a gifted program because the school system doesn't work for them and they more often than not get noticed for misbehaving then for good academics. 

My son wasn't put on a gifted list, he got kicked out of 2 pre-schools by age 3 because of his behaviour and intensity. 

My daughter was put in the class that needed learning support before they evaluated her and she was found to be highly gifted.

So when I bring up that my children are gifted, it is more often then not to explain an odd behaviour, a disturbing behaviour or because they sometimes behave like they were raised in a zoo. :dohh: ( I say this with good humour :wink wink:).

Hence why I started a thread... I have met other parents of gifted children and it was SUCH a relief to find other people that can't figure out why they can't get parenting right. :hugs:

Larspur - the ''old soul'' thing most definitely comes up a lot. Not all are super intense in terms of energy but this intensity sometimes is displayed with their interest or focus. 

Anyone with gifted little ones - please feel free to pm to chat :wave:

I have been having a hard time with my son lately. His anxieties are pretty intense at the moment so we're looking for a psychologist who can help us. He's acting out a lot and cannot transition from anything to anything.


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## motherofboys

My eldest 2 have never been officially placed on a list of any kind, but their teachers have described them as gifted. DS2 seems to be more so than DS1 (in that they are both doing very well academically but DS2 is right there just behind DS1 although there are almost 2 years between them, and DS2 is talented in sports and pretty much an physical activity he turns his hand to) although it's never something that I really 'big up'. I don't tend to share exactly how well they are doing because I fear it will come across as boasting. 
I don't really say much to them, just say that they are doing well and to carry on working hard. I don't want to put pressure on them. It's nice for me that they are doing so well and I am incredibly proud of them, but I don't ask that they do any more than what they can and if over time they found they levelled off with the other kids then so be it, as long as I felt they were still trying.
Parenting them is so different from each other. DS1 has always been a much easier child, much calmer and slept better. DS2 has been hard work in the past and although he still can be quite hyper and moans about being bored a lot he has calmed down in the last couple of years.


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## OmarsMum

BK- I understand what you're saying. My son was placed in special needs class when we tried to enrol him in a nursery so we decided to pull him out, he wasn't given a place at one school after assessment as according to them he wasn't the norm & he has temperaments that require extras from the teachers. 

We are thankful for finding the right school for him, his key teacher understands him, she doesn't push him to join in or participate, when he refuses to do something when it seems silly to him she doesn't push him, he is assessed & evuated based on his knowledge & he is given extra work without pushing or overwhelming him. 

Another issue we have is getting distracted easily, during his piano lesson on Sarurday he couldn't concentrate as his tutor changed the room, he had to play on a new piano and for him it didn't feel or sound the same as the one he was using earlier, he spent the class wanting to know why he had to use another room, he complained about the room's temperature , he wasn't comfortable. 

Reading a school book takes us an hour, he analyses everything, he makes up different scenarios & if he likes what he's reading he wants to know more about the subject. 

He notices small details and he gets obsessed with them. 

I honestly wouldn't feel happy if he is placed in a talented or gifted list, he panics & gets overwhelmed easily, I don't like to add pressure to his life.

Eta: today we received an invitation to a day out with his karate class for next Saturday, on the same day there is a day out with school & he already attends piano & arts classes on Saturday morning. He was trying to organise his schedule to fit all activities, he was asking about the time it takes us to drive to those different places, he panicked at the end & didn't know what to do, I felt so bad for him. He was overthinking, he is only 5, he shouldn't be worried about time & organising his schedule.


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## Quartz

Yep here. And am one myself.

I find the biggest challenge (for me and in parenting) is switching my brain off and its constantly on the go. And entertaining them - I can easily take in multiple sources of information and I think its stopping that and letting yourself sleep (although I do manage it much better since being a parent!) They dont sleep much (DS has just gone down after having a five minute nap and DD is still awake).

Because of this we often cosleep even DD as it helps to help her switch off. Also channelling her into other things. She is learning how to play the recorder and is doing music theory. She has mastered the theory side and is learning the bass clef and can play it pretty well as well. This I find helps her focus just on one thing.

The social aspect I worked hard on but we are incredibly fortunate in that in her class there are some other clever children. DD is on Ruby level (I think around level 11) which normally starts 3 or 4 years ahead but 2 others are with her and her best friend is a level behind. I think this helps normalise her. Its sometimes difficult to grasp that not everyones brain works the way yours does!


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## BKKBabe

quartz and omarsmom - Oh that sounds like a lot of the issues we have here... Have either of you deal with therapists to sort out issues? Any books you've found helpful? 

Quartz - I am as well. Which makes parenting two (and looks like 3 soon!) gifted children even more difficult at times I find. The emotional intensity we all live with makes high times high but also low times, low. 

My daughter is highly gifted but like yours omarsmom, she gets really overwhelmed and stressed the second she faces a difficulty. When things are easy for her, she flies! But as soon as she needs to work on something, she shies away and will get defensive. Very low tolerance for frustration. She's also an incredibly independent thinker and it makes it difficult for her to listen to anything that contradicts what she feels is right. She has really intense focus but regularly is not focusing on what teachers would like her to and since her real strength is visual spacial and cognitive, her academics are quite average (I have no doubt she'll eventually be in the top of the class but will never be the one to work at levels above what is expected of her, unless it's a subject that fascinates her). So teachers get really frustrated. She fiddles CONSTANTLY. Has stuff in her mouth all the time (she's 6.5yo) and talks enough for 3 (or 4). 

My son is complicated. Had about the worse sleep I've ever heard of. Much improvement since he's been 3 yo but still regularly has insomnia (at 4yo). He has a lot of sensory stuff going on. Very intensely emotional. Incredibly high focus. He didn't fit in classes when he was a toddler because he had no interest in singing the same song every morning and would not participate in activities that didn't get his attention. Got into awful battles when teachers tried to make him ''cooperate''. 

Like you Omarsmom - we are incredibly thankful for his teachers right now. We found this school a year ago and they have taken him in with open arms and have totally accepted him as is and he's blossomed tremendously. Now he has to move on to my daughter's school after this school year and I'm really nervous. The school is fantastic and does have an exceptional learner program so they should be able to accommodate him on some levels but I find the individual teacher has a lot to do with it. He's excited about the move though and I'm hoping the fact that his academics are excellent (way ahead of his class, number knowledge to 100 in two languages and he's starting to read. He's 4yo) will play in his favor.

But we've been having real anxieties issues with him lately... I'm looking into a new psychologist to see if we can get some support. 

Thanks for chatting. :flower:


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## Quartz

I am terrible with doing things I find difficult. When at school it tended to be stuff that I did not necessarily need to do - like sport, rather than academic stuff. So even now I tend to give up if I dont get something straight away.

I was aware of this with DD so signed her up for a sports class and then helped a lot in making it fun and she at least feels comfortable enough to participate.

Anxiety worries me a lot I can keep her on the straight for now but I think its going to get harder as she gets older


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## northern_me

I am so glad you are all talking about this. I've had nobody to really talk to about this because I feel like other parents would think I'm bragging.

The perfectionist streak is overwhelming with my DD. She literally won't even attempt something unless she knows that she is going to get it right the first time. She can't handle failure at all and gets a bit hysterical.

She is in grade 1 and is reading at (at least) a grade 6 level. She hasn't been tested past that. I find it really difficult to find appropriate material for her that she finds challenging.

She was in a private school for JK and SK but I've recently switched her to public school and we are really struggling. She is constantly bored. Her teacher gives her advanced spelling and math but she learns it the first time she reads it. Currently she's obsessed with reading ingredient lists on nutrition labels and figuring out how healthy the food we are eating is. She is also struggling to make friends because the kids are interacting on a level that she isn't interested in.


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## Larkspur

northern_me said:


> She is in grade 1 and is reading at (at least) a grade 6 level. She hasn't been tested past that. I find it really difficult to find appropriate material for her that she finds challenging.

Ha, yeah, and it's really important to get it right. I read "Day of the Triffids" when I was eight years old, and was terrified of plants with tendrils for the next three years.


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## BKKBabe

Quartz - we sound a lot alike in terms of tolerating frustration (if you want to call it that way). I almost feel panicky when I face something that doesn't instantly make sense to me. Everything was always so easy at school that I never learned to learn. If that makes sense. So when I got to university, there was this one statistics class that I didn't just absorbed by attending class and I eventually failed it and dropped out of the program because it was a mandatory course. Thankfully, the department's rector wouldn't let me quit when he saw my grade point average and we figured something out so I still ended with a degree. 

Larkspur and northern_me - That's difficult! I go through a bit of the same here but with documentaries. My daughter is fascinated by national geographic documentaries on just about anything nature. I'm quite keen to have her watch them but sometimes it's hard to tell in advance which ones will have material that her 6yo mind won't deal so well with. 

I wonder if there may be a list of level appropriate books that are appropriate for this age somewhere?


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## Warby

Yes. My 8 year old son was assessed by an educational psychologist and he is gifted.

And yes, the intensity! There are no small problems. Everything is terrible...or wonderful. And he is fantastic at finding loopholes. If I say "no computer" as a punishment, he will use Apple TV through the television to watch YouTube videos. If I say "no going to friends' houses" he will go play at his cousin's. I have learned to be very specific.


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## fatandlumpy

Um... I was assessed as 'Gifted' from about the age of 5 (when I started school). Apparently I was very naughty and disruptive therefore was sent to a child psychologist - who then did the 'diagnosis' and I was moved up a couple of years. When my parents moved back to the UK (military family) my parents insisted I was moved back to an age appropriate class (big sister didn't like being in the same class as me).

Apparently my boy (nearly 2 - yes - just in this bit of the forum for other issues!) has similar 'naughty traits' - but I am totally glad my parents didn't make a fuss or a big deal and let me have a childhood.

Incidentally - I work as an educator in one of the best Universities in the world. My students range from 18-22 years old. I work with both Medical, Veterinary Science and Natural Sciences Students (bit of a clue where I work! - ho hum). I've seen the results when all these kids have in their lives are their academic achievements. The fear of failure and the lack of coping strategies they have when they do find anything difficult results in some extreme upset - perhaps precipitating depression.

To the poster to who said all kids are 'gifted' - I salute you. You are totally correct.

To all those who want to 'push' your kids. I know all you want to do is to ensure they'll achieve their potential, but please don't push too hard or perhaps you will push them too far.

... just an opinion from someone who's just come out of the other end of 'exam term'.


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## Seity

This has been an interesting read. I've never considered my son to be gifted, but he is certainly advanced in many areas for his age. He will be starting kindergarten next year. We got lucky and managed to get one of only 9 free spots for pre-k this past year and he's done very well. He is very obsessed with rules and the teachers tell me he is doing 1st grade level math. He does simple addition and subtraction and can do it in his head. He's always been obsessed with numbers. His vocabulary and understanding has been above what I would expect for his age, although he's never been interested in writing, so is only just now learning to write. He has never been much of a sleeper. Always insanely high energy and intense. Dealing with him on a daily basis is mentally exhausting. I do worry that when he starts school they won't challenge him enough and he'll get bored. That happened to me and I was a terrible student (study habits) despite always getting A's. 
At one point early on in the year the teacher's said they wanted to work on helping him learn to count to 10. I was confused because he'd been counting to 10 forward and backward since he was 2. Turns out he simply didn't like the way they were counting in a group activity and was refusing to participate, so the teachers had no idea he could already count to 100. *sigh*


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## minties

My brother and I were "gifted", how I hate that word. I hated being singled out and expected to do better than everyone else. My brother thrived on it though.

The only thing I wanted to do was read, I was happily reading my mums books as an 8-9 year old. It has not helped me at all with writing or spelling! 

At high school I was put in the advanced class but always felt stupid. My brother ended up in the same year as me (he's two years younger than I am) so I never understood why everyone said I was smart. I think my brother was and is still the bright cookie. I just feel like I'm the same as all other adults I come across now. My brother would score in the top 99th centile in all his exams and had an IQ around 150 at age 15!

I don't think either of my kids are especially smart but this was an interesting read.


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