# Consequences of baby wearing ?



## Sanka7

My boy is five months on Thursday and I wear him quite a lot. I don't just take him when he cries as I don't want it to be associated with that. When I am busy I will wear him as I get a lot more things done. I am trying to get my milk supply up ATM so I am wearing him pretty much all day on and off for changes. 
My family especially mil dont agree on me wearing him. They say that he will be a mummies boy and will have trouble going to other people later on ! 
For now he doesn't have any problem being with his dad or others. I don't leave him with anyone but he will happily sit with them for a while. 
Does anyone have any long term experience with baby wearing ? I want my boy to be happy, and I know he is happy when I am wearing him, when he starts to grumble its because he wants to get down or he wants a pee. He sleeps so well in the scarf too, he will easily sleep two or three hours, which he won't do when in his bed on his own in the day.
Am I spoiling my son ? I am believe that we can't spoil our children with too much love. I was spoilt with material things and do not want to do that to my boy. I am fighting with mil ATM as she buys him something every week when she comes. I want him to love her because she is his grandmother and not because he has a present every time.


----------



## Owlmummy

I'm afraid I don't have any advice but will be watching for any tips if you don't mind! My little boy is five months next week and I've always worn him or held him, except for the five mins a day when I'm in the shower. 
Yesterday I took him to his godmother's for a visit and had to leave him with her while I moved the car. I was gone less than three minutes but he was inconsolable when I got back - properly sobbing and weeping for over half an hour which he's never done before. Now I'm worrying I'm making him clingy and spoiled but I felt so guilty for leaving him! So if anyone has any wise words for you to tell your mil I'd like them for reassurance too! Hope you don't mind! :wacko:


----------



## indifference

Dr Sears has some absolutely fab resources for citing to people involved in an 'attached childs' life https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting/7-benefits-ap

I have worn and co-slept my twins and they have no trouble going to anyone else. Wearing them makes them trust you. That trust carries forward to knowing that even when you are not in sight, you will come back. Of course there are periods of normal developmental stages (separation anxiety) where baby will cry inconsolabley if their main caregiver is not in sight, but it ends relatively quickly :) 

Hope that makes sense! I've not had enough coffee yet hehe


----------



## lozzy21

As fab as babywearing is i do thing you need to give your LO chance to be with other important people in their life. I have left LO with OH, my mum and MIL for varying periods of time since she was a few months old, she is now two and we have had no separation anxiety, she is quite happy going with anybody. I put it down to baby wearing but also giving her the chance to trust other people apart from me and OH.


----------



## Mum2b_Claire

You will know when your child is ready to go to other people. Scarlett wasn't until about 8 months. She would just cry hysterically before then. I didn't try and make her go to other people. She just was ready in her own time. I wouldn't leave her for long though.


----------



## MommyJogger

Here's my take: I'm from the US, where mat leave is usually 6 weeks, then baby goes into daycare, away from mom 40h/week. I'm lucky in that I've been able to flex my schedule so that ds is only there 3d/week and I can visit for an hour midday, so maybe 3-4h/week I'm in the daycare nursing and baby-watching. These babies have gone to someone else 40h/week from almost birth. Some of them cry hysterically throughout the day, some are fine and confident about being left. Frankly, I think a baby crying when mom leaves has more to do with the child's innate personality than whether they were worn or left with others frequently. You're not going to spoil him with what amounts to hugs and healthy mental and physical stimulation.


----------



## Ozzieshunni

Crying = communication. Babies don't cry just because it's their personality.

I don't see any negative effects of babywearing and building trust :)


----------



## MommyJogger

But a baby's personality determines whether they feel the emotion to communicate.
Edit: Sorry: can contribute to determining*


----------



## Ozzieshunni

Crying hysterically usually means they need comfort and to be held. I think the maternity system in the USA sucks. I'm very lucky to have had my baby boy in the UK.


----------



## MommyJogger

Yes, but what is it that determines whether they need comfort? My son went into daycare at 6 weeks, is worn at home, and rarely needs comforting at all. I think it's just cause he's a chill guy; it's certainly not some magic I've performed. I agree our system sucks.


----------



## Ozzieshunni

I'm going off my experience. If a baby is hysterically crying, I'm going to pick them up and cuddle them.


----------



## MommyJogger

I would, too, but what does that have to do with the consequences of babywearing and what affects a baby's contentment with non-mom people? I think we're just thinking along different lines, lol. :flower:


----------



## Ozzieshunni

It doesn't :shrug: lol


----------



## Bex84

I baby wore and still do occasionally and my lo is happy to indipendently play, she has a good attachment. In my experience and this might not be same for everyone a baby who is picked up, cuddled and worn has good attachment to parent and will be more secure so more confident as they grow up. My lo is still a mummys girl and other day cried when seeing my parents but she hadent seen them for 2 months. I think its what works for your baby i go by my instinct. My lo still loves cuddling but she is happy to play on own and is happy to go to my friends for a cuddle (understandably she isnt comfortable with strangers and those she hasent seen for a while)


----------



## Tulip

DS has recently turned two and has been worn to varying degrees since birth. He was occasionally but not regularly left with people other than myself or DH before he turned one. He went through the usual separation anxiety starting at about 9 months where he got hysterical if I left the room.

We moved away in the summer for hubby's work and cam go months between seeing either set of grandparents, but he has a strong attachment to them regardless, and can ID them and will go straight to them when he sees them. He is now in nursery 3 days a week while I work. At his first nursery (15-20months) he would cling to me and sob when I dropped him off. He started his new nursery at 21 months at settled immediately - honestly, he walked in and acted as if he'd been there forever. Formed excellent attachments with staff in the tots room. Two weeks ago (on his birthday) he was introduced to a new, bigger room with older children aged 2-3 years and a whole new set of carers. He didn't need settling sessions, he just walked in and carried straight on. 

That's my worn, AP'd confident, outgoing, happy boy. 

Just because you're the one that wears him, doesn't mean you'll be the only person he ever wants or needs - in fact Daddy is always preferable to mummy in D's eyes. Your LO is still tiny and needs reassurance that his needs will be met xx


----------



## aliss

My son is 2.5 and I wore him until 9 months pregnant with #2 (so, 30 months). His daddy always wore him too. He is not a "mummy's boy", it has been MONTHS since he has been willing to snuggle on my lap. Enjoy your 5 month old in the sling, one of the saddest days of my life was when I realized that my older boy no longer wanted to be worn by me. And it will happen to you too, despite what silly others think.


----------



## NaturalMomma

You can't spoild a 5 month old. Babies need to be close to their parents, especially momma. 

I babywear until my kids no longer want to. That is generally around 3 years of age, although I have worn my 5 year old here and there. Both of my boys have no problem spending time with family away from me and they are independent.


----------



## tommyg

I've never baby wore but I wish I did. Never saw anybody do it or thought about it until DS was about 1 so verging on a bit late. 
However I got lots of grief about BFing until DS was 14 months and I remain convinced that it is all to do with Grannys wanting a shot rather than any real concerns for the child or mother bond. And I'm sure your MIL is exactly the same if you baby wear she can't lift LO out of your arms or go "pram pushing" with him.


----------



## Tulip

^^ Absolutely this. You can imagine when they're waiting for baby to arrive they picture themselves feeding and pushing baby, it must be a shock to find that your parenting choices haven't factored that in. We weren't precious about wearing full time, so grandparents do get to push him (FIL wore him in the ergo once too ;)) and to this day D sees the buggy as an exciting treat.


----------



## urchin

I had FIL & his partner mutter things about my LO being spoiled because during the day she is generally either sitting/lying on me or her daddy, or I am wearing her in the sling. She was 4 weeks old at the time!

I made a very conscious decision to ignore any advice that includes the words 'rod' and 'back' - it won't be long before my babe in arms wants to be a babe on the floor or a babe up a tree, and the days of long cuddles will be behind us. But she will decide when this is, not me.

I see my job as to provide her with a safe, secure base from which to explore the world - even as an adult, knowing someone's got your back enables you to take risks you never would without that safety net.

I think there are probably 2 things going on for your MIL
1) she is taking your decision to parent differently from how she did it as an implicit criticism
2) she isn't able to do what _she_ needs to do to feel like a good grandma e.g. cuddle/play with your son at will because he is tucked up snug with you

But, the important thing is, he's your son - you are the one best placed to know what works for him - and wearing him or not will not turn him into a mummy's or a daddy's boy. Denying him that closeness just has the potential to turn him into a miserable one


----------



## CraftyBean

I've been an AP mama since I had my first son, who is now 7. He was worn full time until he was walking everywhere, but still worn when tired upto age 4. My daughter is 20mths and still worn. 

Both are outgoing, gregarious children. Comfortable around adults and other children alike. What causes a clingy child is NOT baby wearing and responding to their needs, it's quite the opposite. A child becomes clingy through insecurity, AP kids are rarely to never insecure. AP kids have their needs met, often before they realise they need meeting. They are secure, and enveloped in their parents love, not screaming until someone..anyone listens. 

For what it's worth, I think it's a grandparent thing though. My MIL bought a pram when I was pregnant with my daughter, despite me telling her she wouldn't need it. She now slags me off at every opportunity and throws barbed comments every single time she visits, purely because we AP and she doesn't get a chance to babysit. When asked why she needs to have the baby alone, what she needs that she can't do when we're there.. There was silence! Which says it all really. 

I believe some grandparents see their grandchildren as a chance to be parents again, they want their parenting choices followed because it verifies that they made the right parenting choices, and they seem to take it as a personal insult when you do things very differently. 

We don't get a single word of support from anyone in the family, particularly if its a direct result of AP. They'd prefer to swear the kids are who they are in spite of us, rather than as a direct result of our parenting choices. Hugely irritating.


----------



## dragonhawk

We've worn ds since he was about 3-4 weeks old. We (dh and I) still do. In fact, my mother wears him as well. 

The only thing I would say though, is if people haven't done it themselves, they don't know how good it is, both for the child and the wearer. My mother wore me in one of the very first BabyBjorn carriers that were sold in this country, when they were first available. (Yes, that proves how old I am.) So she was fully supportive of our choice.

Good luck and stick with it. Just as an aside, I was obviously worn as a baby/child and I never had any problems socialising with other children or adults. Ds is particularly outgoing, at nursery and other places he'll always play with other children, but something to remember is that all children will want to be with others sometimes and other times, want to be on their own. We all do, don't we???


----------

