# Confessions (yet another pass-the-time game)



## babyzoe

Okay, now's your chance to get your burdens off your chest. No judgements.

I confess that sometimes I feel it would be easier to just raise a child without my husband. We disagree on so many things relating to the pregnancy/childbirth. I'm jealous of my mom that she didn't have to compromise with anyone for the first decade.:-=


----------



## brenn09

I secretly hoped to fall pg before my friend who confided she would be trying before me... then she changed her date to the exact same as me. When I had to push back my date, she got preg two months later and I'm still angry/jealous/hurt. I'm so happy for her and don't wish she didn't get pregnant, just that I didn't have to wait because her pregnancy reminds me of what we couldn't have and what we should have had if the eggie had stuck, when we accidentally conceived.


----------



## crayoncrittle

Our friends who were meant to be waiting another 2 years or something, or at least until the end of this year (cos of study) told us she's going off the pill next month - i was irrationally annoyed. Of course I'm excited for them - but I just got so annoyed! I felt so mean for it too. I felt like telling her "you haven't even put any planning into it, you're not on vitamins you haven't had a doctors appointment or anything YOU CANT JUST START TRYING" but, I guess they can. I just don't want her to be all "oooo im pregnant are you even trying yet?" gah!

Stupid I know.

My other confession is I am TERRIFIED that we'll be stuck in TTC for ages. T E R R I F I E D beyond belief. I just can't handle the thought. It's like a failure every month, and worse as every month passes!


----------



## aidensxmomma

I confess that I am insanely jealous of my best friend's pregnancy. I love her to death and am so happy that's she's pregnant and having a successful pregnancy, but I'm still jealous. I just wish it were me who got to be pregnant, or better yet, that we could have been pregnant together.


----------



## Mrs Dragonfly

I too am worried of being stuck in TTC for a long time. I'm also afraid of morning sickness, I'm ok with pains and what not but when it comes to being sick I'm the worst!


----------



## babyzoe

I've been jealous of other pregnant women too. Namely my SIL. I was jealous that it wasn't me first. I got married before her so I always assumed I'd be the first to provide grandkids. That was hard. Though my nephew was a silver lining.


----------



## loeylo

My confession is that I was delighted when I fell pregnant for a second time (accidentally) and miscarrying again hurt me way more than I let on. I am so jealous of two of my friends (not close friends luckily) and my mums friends daughter who are due on the 28th, 29th and 30th of March. It is my birthday on the 29th of March, and it should be my due date. I'm coincidentally off work on that date as it is good Friday, and I am dreading it! 
I had also secretly hoped that we would have another accident and I would be pregnant before my due date.


----------



## vikster

Thank the lord for this thread.

-I sobbed the other day when I found out a friend is pregnant. Hubby told me over the phone and luckily I was in the house on my own but I just managed to get through the phonecall.
-I feel guilty for feeling upset/envious of other peoples good news
-It is getting harder everytime I hear someone else is preggo even though I am happy for them
-I often feel that I have no one to talk to face to face because i feel that friends/family won't understand
-I buy pregnancy mags
-I have a notebook for writing down any ideas/products/name ideas
-I have pregnancy/babies on the brain 24/7
-I want to TTC early but my head says that waiting until our holiday is the right thing to do. The whole point of the holiday is to have one last luxury trip and i KNOW that I will regret not being able to enjoy the cocktails
-I fear morning sickness
-I actually look forward to labour
-I get anxious at the thought of an onslaught of visitors post birth
-5 months seems ages away, I feel bad for wishing my life away
-Baby and Bump is the only thing that keeps me sane!

I feel better now! x


----------



## Teilana

I am the same about most of this! The last couple of trips that we have planned is out to the mountains for our anniversary in May and a trip out to Kelowna later in the summer to visit my parents. I also have not bought any books or mags yet.



vikster said:


> Thank the lord for this thread.
> 
> -I sobbed the other day when I found out a friend is pregnant. Hubby told me over the phone and luckily I was in the house on my own but I just managed to get through the phonecall.
> -I feel guilty for feeling upset/envious of other peoples good news
> -It is getting harder everytime I hear someone else is preggo even though I am happy for them
> -I often feel that I have no one to talk to face to face because i feel that friends/family won't understand
> -I buy pregnancy mags
> -I have a notebook for writing down any ideas/products/name ideas
> -I have pregnancy/babies on the brain 24/7
> -I want to TTC early but my head says that waiting until our holiday is the right thing to do. The whole point of the holiday is to have one last luxury trip and i KNOW that I will regret not being able to enjoy the cocktails
> -I fear morning sickness
> -I actually look forward to labour
> -I get anxious at the thought of an onslaught of visitors post birth
> -5 months seems ages away, I feel bad for wishing my life away
> -Baby and Bump is the only thing that keeps me sane!
> 
> I feel better now! x


----------



## chazzmatazz

- I have a wish list with 100+ items on it that I would like for baby!
- I am jealous of not only my friends but random women in the street!
- I'm worried about not being able to get pregnant cos I'm over weight!


----------



## RainbowDrop_x

After eating, when the "food baby" arrives I stand in front of the mirror rubbing my tummy an day dreaming that its a real baby and not just my bangers and mash :rofl: :blush:


----------



## Mrs Dragonfly

RainbowDrop_x said:


> After eating, when the "food baby" arrives I stand in front of the mirror rubbing my tummy an day dreaming that its a real baby and not just my bangers and mash :rofl: :blush:

Haha I do that too! Last night I made pulled pork for Valentine's Day dinner for OH and was soo full afterwards I told him "honey look! I've got a food baby"

I get overly excited looking at midwife options within hospitals. And feel guilty that I shouldn't be looking at anything until TTC or actually preggo rather than wasting time I should be wedding planning instead:blush:


----------



## Karenfla36

agree, i am 36 and overweight, DH is 45. There are 3 things against us! I worry it will take a long time to conceive. We just started a week and a half ago, so who knows what will happen, but i would hate for 6 months to go by and nothing! I don't want to go through the Fertility issues / testing. That is a fear and the fear of Miscarriage. I can't imagine how that feels! and then to try again after, the fear of it happening again. That is the scariest. i also fear having a baby born with health problems or as they get older, being sick with something serious. i hate watching those St. Jude commercials!!! But i know i cannot dwell on this stuff. If it is meant to happen, it will. It is in God's hands. Good luck to you all!!!! :)


----------



## angiepie

RainbowDrop_x said:


> After eating, when the "food baby" arrives I stand in front of the mirror rubbing my tummy an day dreaming that its a real baby and not just my bangers and mash :rofl: :blush:

OMG same here! And if I'm out on the street and wearing something that makes my stomach look fat, sometimes I rub it and pretend it's a pregnant stomach and hope everyone around me thinks I'm pregnant.


----------



## babyzoe

angiepie said:


> RainbowDrop_x said:
> 
> 
> After eating, when the "food baby" arrives I stand in front of the mirror rubbing my tummy an day dreaming that its a real baby and not just my bangers and mash :rofl: :blush:
> 
> OMG same here! And if I'm out on the street and wearing something that makes my stomach look fat, sometimes I rub it and pretend it's a pregnant stomach and hope everyone around me thinks I'm pregnant.Click to expand...

And Babyzoe makes three


----------



## hopeandpray

I secretly hope that I'll get to ttc as soon as I'm finished uni but I know in my field of work most people wait 6+ years after that! I kind of wish that I had either a partner who would make enough so that I could stay home or that wouldn't mind staying at home with children.


----------



## chazzmatazz

I don't even need a food baby to do a bit of tummy rubbing :'( and I like to wander round baby shops u know just to look! Thank god I don't have much more of a wait!


----------



## wantb502

I push out my stomach after I eat, just to kind of see how I would look pregnant too.
When I am around my friends that are pregnant, I get depressed and jump on BNB when I get home.
I hope I fall pregnant before my holiday in July so I can wear a two piece bathing suit on the beach with a bump showing.
I have visions of going to the park, walking my kids to school, and finger painting with my non-existent children. 
I am afraid I will get something horrible like cancer and I will never be able to have children.
I am scared if we don't start TTC now, It will take years.
I am scared I won't ever be able to have kids of my own.
And many many many more.....


----------



## krisnjay

My deep confession is that I was so mad/upset that my sister n law got pregnant without trying just 2 weeks off of the pill. The main reasn is because I am overweight and have PCOS and I cant get pregnant unless I weigh a healthy weight yet she weighs over 300lbs and just got preggers...I know I shouldnt feel this way but I do. I have to work so hard to get pregnant an she treats her body like shit and got pregnant and then continued to treat her body like shit throughout her whole pregnancy........oh, that feltgood to let out


----------



## vikster

I am guilty of the food baby thing too!


----------



## Rcx

I'm downright terrified of not being able to get pregnant. I have endometriosis so I think that's why it's so active in my mind. The gynaecologist told me it shouldn't be of too much concern as it didn't show up on the ultrasound so it's not too thick & she also thinks its mostly attached to my bowel so shouldn't affect it too much but we won't know until we try.

I'm such a worrier too, I'm already dreading getting through 9 months of pregnancy without having a nervous breakdown!


----------



## RainbowDrop_x

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does the food baby thing :rofl:


----------



## brenn09

I don't do the food baby thing but I have IBS and often have severe bloat by the evening. On the bad nights, I've been known to rub my belly in the mirror just pretending!


----------



## Kestersed

Im frightened my husband's ex will fall pregnant.... We know she's tried and sadly had a miscarriage, but she's also a druggy/alcoholic and I'm raising her 4 year old daughter because the courts have deemed her unstable.... 

But if she gets pregnant.. I'll be heartbroken.... I've lost one and had an ectopic pregnancy which was hard on us and she doesn't even know... but I'm raising the first baby she had foolishly without thinking whilst she goes out and hosts house parties and drinks. I love my step-daughter, but she's four.. 2 when I met her. I never got to hold her when she was a newborn... 

I want my own blood in the child I'm holding.. and it will feel so unfair if my husband's ex gets the chance to tell the little girl I'm raising that there's going to be a brother or sister before I get the chance to my little heart will break :'( xxxx


----------



## chazzmatazz

New confession alert!!!!

I just bought a rocking chair for our future nursery!!! My OH and I are are gonna sand it down paint it White and Im going to make cushions! Then were just gonna store it away :$


----------



## Kestersed

chazzmatazz said:


> New confession alert!!!!
> 
> I just bought a rocking chair for our future nursery!!! My OH and I are are gonna sand it down paint it White and Im going to make cushions! Then were just gonna store it away :$

Awww, I want to do that.... is it jinxing things though???? I mean.. I'd like a rocking chair anyway.... so it doesn't count? Right? >.>' xxx


----------



## Doodlebug28

I confess.....that I get jealous when I found out my friends/family are pregnant. ( I know it is terrible...I should be happy for them) I also confess that I sometimes think my older brother is going to have the first grand baby in my family and for some reason it eats me up inside! I know how selfish and silly it sounds but it's the truth. :-/


----------



## chazzmatazz

Kestersed said:


> chazzmatazz said:
> 
> 
> New confession alert!!!!
> 
> I just bought a rocking chair for our future nursery!!! My OH and I are are gonna sand it down paint it White and Im going to make cushions! Then were just gonna store it away :$
> 
> Awww, I want to do that.... is it jinxing things though???? I mean.. I'd like a rocking chair anyway.... so it doesn't count? Right? >.>' xxxClick to expand...

I like the idea of us having a little project together to make time fly by faster! I might even teach him to use a sewing machine! And like u I would Jay like a rocking chair so it will get lots of use :)


----------



## Kestersed

It's bad actually, the family all know we want to try, so they've given us a newborn car seat, hand-me-down clothes. Loads. And as we've got an empty spare room, it's just sitting in there... 

I'd paint the whole thing if it didn't remind me that it's empty right now lol.... :)


----------



## chazzmatazz

Kestersed said:


> It's bad actually, the family all know we want to try, so they've given us a newborn car seat, hand-me-down clothes. Loads. And as we've got an empty spare room, it's just sitting in there...
> 
> I'd paint the whole thing if it didn't remind me that it's empty right now lol.... :)

No one knows were gonna start trying yet I think the rocking chair might give them some ideas though!


----------



## Kestersed

I'm pretty excited about being a Mum one day, but I have to admit.... the late nights scare me. I wonder whether my husband and I should be rejoicing in these months with no newborn.... because once it's here, it's here for life! <3 xxx


----------



## brenn09

Doodlebug28 said:


> I confess.....that I get jealous when I found out my friends/family are pregnant. ( I know it is terrible...I should be happy for them) I also confess that I sometimes think my older brother is going to have the first grand baby in my family and for some reason it eats me up inside! I know how selfish and silly it sounds but it's the truth. :-/

I certainly feel the same way. When I see an preggo announcement on fb, I congratulate them then promptly block them so I don't have to see updates that are so painful for me. It has nothing to do with them and I'm honestly happy for them, just crazy sad for me. :hugs: Seems normal to me! 

I'm the oldest and my little sister got preggo in high school so I guess she "took" the first grandbaby from me but I've always been so thrilled to have my niecey that it hasn't bothered me. Oh's older sister had their side's first baby and I was quite jealous of her pregnancy (I was soooo broody) but again my nephew means so much I don't care about being the first. My in-laws and parents just can't wait for us to have a baby I know they will be just as excited for us as they were for our sisters (if not more, since my sis got preggers in school). I definitely know how you feel about being jealous but it hurts less once your niece or nephew gets here- if your brother did happen to have the first baby.


----------



## jooba85

This is going to sound horrible... but here goes...

I'm still waiting to find out whether I'm infertile after undergoing chemo last year for lymphoma. The thought that I might not get to have children breaks my heart. :cry:

Everyone says "Oh, don't worry, there are plenty of options if you are infertile. There's always donor eggs, adoptions etc etc." But (and here's the horrible part) - all of those options mean that I would have somebody else's baby... I know I would love it as my own, but I desperately want to have my own child. I want to know it's physically a part of me... I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth, and I want it to be mine... It's probably irrational, but I can't help it :cry:


----------



## wantb502

Not irrational at all. I think this is completely understandable to feel that way. I think most woman (especially on this website), feel the same way. I hope you get your dream one day and wish you much health and good news ;) always try to stay positive even when it seems impossible.


----------



## brenn09

jooba85 said:


> This is going to sound horrible... but here goes...
> 
> I'm still waiting to find out whether I'm infertile after undergoing chemo last year for lymphoma. The thought that I might not get to have children breaks my heart. :cry:
> 
> Everyone says "Oh, don't worry, there are plenty of options if you are infertile. There's always donor eggs, adoptions etc etc." But (and here's the horrible part) - all of those options mean that I would have somebody else's baby... I know I would love it as my own, but I desperately want to have my own child. I want to know it's physically a part of me... I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth, and I want it to be mine... It's probably irrational, but I can't help it :cry:

It doesn't sound irrational to me- oh is adopted and we have plans to adopt as well but I still want to be pregnant and give birth and do the whole thing, too. I think it is perfectly natural to crave that, doesn't mean you wouldn't love your child the same, no matter how they come to you. :hugs:


----------



## brunette&bubs

^

massive :hugs:

i understand hun


----------



## crayoncrittle

I'm also pretty terrified about my mums reaction to us telling her we're pregnant. Gahhhh!

But a positive confession is that I'm probably too excited for things like decorating babys room, baby showers etc...


----------



## babyzoe

Deep Confession to follow:

The closer I get to my TTC date, the more anxiety I've been getting. Like, seriously. Almost on the verge of panic attacks. I've finally been able to pinpoint the reason. (I confess) that I feel that having a baby seals the deal that I'm no longer the child of the family anymore. Up until I fall pregnant, I'm the one everyone is always offering advice too. I'm the one raging against the machine. I'm the one doing what I want when I want and how I want. I'm free to pursue to my dreams however long it may take. But as soon as I have a kid. I'm now the adult. I'm handing over the reigns to them and forced to take a back seat.

But even more frightening. Right now I feel invincible. I can live forever. Having a baby makes it all the more real that I'm that much closer to dying. The my life is finite. And that's scary.

I confess that I'm scared to move to the next phase in life.


----------



## HGsurvivor05

I am petrified of pregnancy I have one DD who will be 7 next month and I suffered severe hyperemesis with her and vowed never to go back. After having DD I couldn't look at a baby, I was fine with DD but that broodiness I always used to have seeing babies had gone I was actually scared of them! But in the summer I had been round at my friends for chat both DD are good friends and I guessed she was preg but didn't say 2 days later I get the call after her scan in the first time in 7 years I felt total jealousy my DD cried her eyes out as she wanted to be big sister that day I was filled with guilt and jealousy but petrified to even mention it to DH. It has taken me till last month when a friend of mine who suffers PSOS and has conceived 3 natural pregnancies after 3 failed IVF and being told they would never have say to me talk to DH before you regret it, so I did and we have decided we will try once we return from summer hols as this is our first real family holiday and going to Florida. I feel stronger in my head and getting my body prepared already but I am sooooo scared as If i do get Hyperemesis again I worry how it will effect DD even though it will be for 9 months then recovery time. 

I worry about being hospitalized again and that my DD is going to have to look after me when DH is working and she will miss out on a year of her life but then I think what I am giving her I hope she can forgive me :-(


----------



## LoveCakes

vikster said:


> Thank the lord for this thread.
> 
> -I sobbed the other day when I found out a friend is pregnant. Hubby told me over the phone and luckily I was in the house on my own but I just managed to get through the phonecall.
> -I feel guilty for feeling upset/envious of other peoples good news
> -It is getting harder everytime I hear someone else is preggo even though I am happy for them
> -I often feel that I have no one to talk to face to face because i feel that friends/family won't understand
> -I buy pregnancy mags
> -I have a notebook for writing down any ideas/products/name ideas
> -I have pregnancy/babies on the brain 24/7
> -I want to TTC early but my head says that waiting until our holiday is the right thing to do. The whole point of the holiday is to have one last luxury trip and i KNOW that I will regret not being able to enjoy the cocktails
> -I fear morning sickness
> -I actually look forward to labour
> -I get anxious at the thought of an onslaught of visitors post birth
> -5 months seems ages away, I feel bad for wishing my life away
> -Baby and Bump is the only thing that keeps me sane!
> 
> I feel better now! x

Pretty much this word for word!


----------



## Alyssa Drough

A few years ago we agreed I would stop taking the pill on my 29th birthday. I actually stopped in November when I ran out and couldn't be bothered to go to the doctor to get more. We've been using condoms and I've finally managed to nag him into TTC when the current box runs out. I've already bought loads of clothes and feeding equipment, and even a moses basket!!!

My SIL had a little boy in October and I can't go round there any more without wanting to burst into tears with jealousy when I get home!


----------



## LoveCakes

joobja85 when do you find out? I find out hopefully in June/July if abnormal cells (essentially pre-cancerous) have gone away. We can maybe wait together. :hugs:

I've gotten so defensive when people as me about kids everyone probably thinks I hate them!


----------



## sarahfh

I was a little disappointed today when my GP gave me yet another pill to try as the last one set my eczema off around my eyes again. I feel like it means that for OHs sake I have at least try them and put up with the side effects. We used FAM successfully for a whole year with no problems, why can't we just do that still?!

I love my best friend and her LO but I will be gutted if she has baby number 2 before I get to try or fall pregnant. I will be so over the moon for her, but it will break my heart having newborn snuggles.

I resent OHs car, I feel the expense of it is stopping us saving up for our mortgage deposit so is holding us back from getting where we want to be for a baby. I wish he could take his boy head off and put his man head on. 

I'm emetophobic and seriously can't even imagine how I'm going to cope with first trimester and morning sickness. The thing I'm more scared off about labour is the chance of being sick, not the pain (hello niavety). 

Even when my period has been a day late and I've known I will get a BFN it still always makes me sad. 

I have a small collection of baby clothes and cloth nappies hidden away in my wardrobe, in a gym bag to look inconspicuous. 

Oh and I do the food baby thing too ladies!


----------



## Onions

Oooo this is good!

-I hate having to keep our plans to myself and never being allowed to talk to anyone, as much as it makes sense. It all churns around in my head all day every day.
- Sometimes I feel silly and immature to even be considering TTC (at 22!).
- I'm terrified I won't be able to have children of my own because of pretty severe PCOS.
- I've bought quite a lot of baby things, including bottles and a breast pump! They were going really cheap so that's how I rationalise it.
- I want to start asap but I know my OH is probably going to move the date when it comes to it and that upsets me on a daily basis.
- I hate that he really doesn't understand how it feels to have such a deep seated need for a child, and makes me wait, even though it makes sense.
- I hate that he keeps telling me he wants to live after uni, he doesn't just want to jump into being a dad. He lived loads before uni, as he is older he went late and did nothing for 2 years before applying. That and he doesn't even have any goals to work towards! Plus it could take years to conceive and even when it does happen you have 9 months of waiting before baby even gets here. Urgh.


----------



## Alyssa Drough

I hate the 'financial excuse'. Obviously with no income, no place to live etc it's a valid reason. But we both have good full time jobs, manageable debt and a rented flat with a guarantor - not to mention a supportive family on both sides. 

We're in a good place, but we'll never be in a GREAT place financially now unless we win the lottery, so I admit I got quite upset and angry when the OH used money as an excuse as to why he wasn't ready.


----------



## Alyssa Drough

TK Maxx is great for one off cheap items. Got a breast pump and steriliser for less than half the RRP!


----------



## Mies

I'm afraid that come April - when we'll be no longer wtt but actually ttc - I'll get so absorbed into the whole getting pregnant thing that I'll neglect work and school...

I'm afraid that come April, DH will have suddenly changed his mind and tell me he wants to wait a little while longer.

I'm sooo not looking forward to the morning sickness.


----------



## Hollynesss

I got engaged last year to the man I have been with for 3 years. A week later, another girl at work got engaged to a man she had been with for 2 months. She got married just a few months after that, and then announced that she was pregnant. Although I am happy for her, I can't help but be annoyed and jealous that she got engaged after me to a guy she hadn't been with for long, and already has a baby while I am still 3 months away from getting married.


----------



## CantHrdlyWait

Oh man.. I have several
-I am petrified of what pregnancy will do to my body. I'm average right now, but i'm afraid of stretch marks, and never being able to lose baby weight.
-I HATE thinking about morning sickness. It really makes me uneasy. 
-I worry that having a child will ruin my relationship with husband. I know so so many people that have had children and then they ALL get divorced. I DO NOT want to be a single mother. 
-I had undiagnosed celiac disease for many years, and i'm afraid I won't even be able to get pregnant..

*sigh*


----------



## aidensxmomma

sarahfh said:


> I was a little disappointed today when my GP gave me yet another pill to try as the last one set my eczema off around my eyes again. I feel like it means that for OHs sake I have at least try them and put up with the side effects. We used FAM successfully for a whole year with no problems, why can't we just do that still?!
> 
> I love my best friend and her LO but I will be gutted if she has baby number 2 before I get to try or fall pregnant. I will be so over the moon for her, but it will break my heart having newborn snuggles.
> 
> I resent OHs car, I feel the expense of it is stopping us saving up for our mortgage deposit so is holding us back from getting where we want to be for a baby. I wish he could take his boy head off and put his man head on.
> 
> *I'm emetophobic and seriously can't even imagine how I'm going to cope with first trimester and morning sickness. The thing I'm more scared off about labour is the chance of being sick, not the pain (hello niavety).*
> 
> Even when my period has been a day late and I've known I will get a BFN it still always makes me sad.
> 
> I have a small collection of baby clothes and cloth nappies hidden away in my wardrobe, in a gym bag to look inconspicuous.
> 
> Oh and I do the food baby thing too ladies!

I'm the same. I have this horrible, horrible fear of getting sick and it causes me severe anxiety. I am worried about having morning sickness when I get pregnant again next. And I was always worried about getting sick during labor. But I wanted to offer you some hope...I have three children. Throughout all three pregnancies, I never got sick once...not during the first trimester and not during labor. That being said, I did have some pretty horrible nausea with my last pregnancy, but still never got sick. So it's not guaranteed that you will get morning sickness or get sick during labor. I hope that helps a little bit. :hugs: And I'm really sorry you suffer with that phobia. 

As for my confession, I wish my OH understood how much getting pregnant meant to me. My desire to get pregnant is partially because I'm just broody and partially has a lot to do with my daughter's death. I've been waiting to try since a month after she died and it's just been killing me. It's the one thing that I feel will really help me with dealing with my daughter's death and I just can't have it. It kills me. :cry:


----------



## chazzmatazz

Today's confession; 

I am having one of those can't wait any longer days and i think i may go a bit mental lol :)


----------



## Elpis_x

My confessions:
Sometimes I hope we have an "accident" because I know if it wasn't for my studies, we'd probably be TTC already and I know that apart from that we're ready and we'd manage just fine. But really I know that's not good enough, I know we're waiting for the best reasons.
I'm absolutely terrified that we won't be able to conceive, or that we'll really struggle.
I don't think we'll be able to achieve everything I want to achieve before TTC in the time frame I've set out and it worries me that we'll have to push our date back further.
It scares me that my parents are most likely going to be in their 70s by the time we have a LO, that makes me want to TTC now, even though I know that's not a good enough reason.
I have already bought things for our future LO and have a worrying baby shoe collection growing!
I am wishing the next 3 years away, even though I know I should be enjoying them.
I'm terrified of being sick.
I'm so so scared that I won't lose the baby weight, although I'm over my eating disorder, I'm not sure how I'll cope with that.


----------



## wishuwerehere

I confess it really upsets me that my BIL and his girlfriend actively chose to try for and have children and now neither of them are looking after them :( she is not allowed to be alone with them by social services order and he has fobbed them off on his mum (I could understand if it was whilst he worked or something but he doesn't have them at the weekends either, or if his mum is at his house he goes out in the evenings rather than staying in with them. His mum came over to our house with themthe other day because she was so fed up of being on her own with their kids).
I just find it really difficult to watch as they tried without any planning or thought and now their kids aren't with their parents, who knows how that's going to affect them in the future? And we've waited for so long and I'm so desperate now, it hurts :(:(:(


----------



## MamaByrd

I confess.....

-I'm worried my brother will get married & have kids before me. I wanted to be the first one to give my parents grandbabies & my brother is not even close to being able to take care of anyone, let alone himself.
-I'm worried I won't be able to be a SAHM like I've always dreamed of doing.
-I'm worried my OH will never feel ready.
-I wish we would accidentally fall pg.
-I'm terrified of what my future career looks like.
-I'm terrified of becoming my mother.

That's enough stress for today. :dohh:


----------



## Mies

@MamaByrd: I'm also incredibly terrified of becoming my mother...

Btw I work at a secondary school and whenever a teenager is pg I keep thinking about how unfair it is to the (unborn) baby and the people who have been actively ttc for a long time.


----------



## babyzoe

MamaByrd said:


> -I'm terrified of becoming my mother.

I am sooo scared that I'll be like my mother and let emotions get the best of me. With my mom it was her way or the high way...and without a father in the picture she ALWAYS got her way, which led to her eventually kicking me out at 17. I hope that I'll be able to think rationally and see the big picture with my kids...even on those days when they are being brattards (lol...yea, I made that word up).


----------



## bumblebeexo

Confessions..

- I'm terrified of having another, but not because it's another child, but because of labour. With my first I ended up collapsing, losing a lot if blood and having to be rushed to theatre. I was told I scared everyone - even the doctors. I've been told I can opt for a c-section, but I'm not sure if that scares me more than having to risk going through what happened before. 
- Despite this, I do wish we could bring our TTC date forward. Next year seems so far away.


----------



## Kestersed

Here's a question for you ladies.....

does the broody feeling go away after you've had a baby, or does it carry on?


----------



## wishuwerehere

For me feeling broody became a problem after my daughter was born, but i think that was me feeling disappointed and sad about the circumstances surrounding her conception/pregnancy/birth, and a need to 'complete' my family. As i hope to have 3 kids i don't think it'll go away until i have a third!


----------



## Hunbun

Kestersed said:


> Here's a question for you ladies.....
> 
> does the broody feeling go away after you've had a baby, or does it carry on?

For me it went away until LO was 3 months old, then it came back. :dohh:


My confessions are: 

-I'm scared we will find it hard to TTC this time as I have gained weight and can't seem to get rid of it. 
-I don't want any other family members to beat me to the post and announce their pregnancy before me. 
- Infact, as mean as it sounds, I don't want any other family members to be pregnant at the same time as me. I don't want constant updates about how they are feeling compared to me. 
- I'm really excited but scared about going through labour again. 
- I'm dreading the night feeds again, I only just got my full night sleep back.


----------



## Mies

Since my SIL (who is younger than me) is a childcare worker and I haven't been around babies much in my life, I'm afraid she'll know exactly what to do and I'll be completely clueless...


----------



## aidensxmomma

Kestersed said:


> Here's a question for you ladies.....
> 
> does the broody feeling go away after you've had a baby, or does it carry on?

For me, the broody feeling went away for a while after I had my kids. My first wasn't planned, so I wasn't broody before I got pregnant with him; but about 6 months later the broody feelings came. Then I got pregnant with/had my daughter and the broody feelings went away for about a year. Then they came back, a year later I got pregnant with my second daughter and the broody feeling went away after I had her. I don't think it would have come back for quite a while except for the fact that losing Sera made me want to start trying for another baby again. So for me, it went away temporarily. Not sure how it'll be once I complete my family, though.


----------



## Mrs Dragonfly

Mies said:


> Since my SIL (who is younger than me) is a childcare worker and I haven't been around babies much in my life, I'm afraid she'll know exactly what to do and I'll be completely clueless...

I worry about this too!! MY soon to be SIL did a ton of nannying and I'm terrified her and MIL are going to always tell me what I'm doing wrong with caring for a baby :nope:

Today I was out shopping and saw the cutest baby outfit with elephants, I nearly burst into tears because I wanted to buy it and save it away but I'm scared of jinxing it or something... I don't believe in those things mostly but when it comes to LO's I feel sheepish.


----------



## crayoncrittle

Mies said:


> Since my SIL (who is younger than me) is a childcare worker and I haven't been around babies much in my life, I'm afraid she'll know exactly what to do and I'll be completely clueless...


It's ok, you'll catch on. Anything you dont know, you can just ask. I used to be asked stuff all the time when I worked in the nursery- stuff I had no idea about "What's the best formula/nappies/songs to play" I HAVE NO IDEA IT'S UP TO YOU!! hehe :)


----------



## crayoncrittle

One of my friends is TTC next month, and keeps talking like they'll fall pregnant first try and be due on this date and blah blah blah. And I kind of want to tell her "Love, it might not even happen first try, you're coming off the pill this week and you've not really done anything to get ready (charting etc) and even then it could be months" but I don't want to sound mean! But then I also don't want her to be really disappointed if they don't fall straight away - they're so sure they will! Gah....

I've just been replying with "hopefully yeah!" to most things, like "The baby will be due Nov 26!" 
"Hopefully! :)" 
"And then your baby will be a month younger" (we might be trying in April now) 
"that'd be cute if it happened"

She just speaks with such certainty and I want to just shake her and say "it doesn't always work like that!!!"


anyway. that's me.


----------



## Mrs Dragonfly

crayoncrittle said:


> One of my friends is TTC next month, and keeps talking like they'll fall pregnant first try and be due on this date and blah blah blah. And I kind of want to tell her "Love, it might not even happen first try, you're coming off the pill this week and you've not really done anything to get ready (charting etc) and even then it could be months" but I don't want to sound mean! But then I also don't want her to be really disappointed if they don't fall straight away - they're so sure they will! Gah....
> 
> I've just been replying with "hopefully yeah!" to most things, like "The baby will be due Nov 26!"
> "Hopefully! :)"
> "And then your baby will be a month younger" (we might be trying in April now)
> "that'd be cute if it happened"
> 
> She just speaks with such certainty and I want to just shake her and say "it doesn't always work like that!!!"
> 
> 
> anyway. that's me.

I catch myself doing that, planning ahead of myself when I'm like "oh yeah.. may not happen right away" BUT, we can all be hopeful that it doesn't and even if it does, it will still be a happy day:flower:


----------



## Teilana

Mrs Dragonfly said:


> crayoncrittle said:
> 
> 
> One of my friends is TTC next month, and keeps talking like they'll fall pregnant first try and be due on this date and blah blah blah. And I kind of want to tell her "Love, it might not even happen first try, you're coming off the pill this week and you've not really done anything to get ready (charting etc) and even then it could be months" but I don't want to sound mean! But then I also don't want her to be really disappointed if they don't fall straight away - they're so sure they will! Gah....
> 
> I've just been replying with "hopefully yeah!" to most things, like "The baby will be due Nov 26!"
> "Hopefully! :)"
> "And then your baby will be a month younger" (we might be trying in April now)
> "that'd be cute if it happened"
> 
> She just speaks with such certainty and I want to just shake her and say "it doesn't always work like that!!!"
> 
> 
> anyway. that's me.
> 
> I catch myself doing that, planning ahead of myself when I'm like "oh yeah.. may not happen right away" BUT, we can all be hopeful that it doesn't and even if it does, it will still be a happy day:flower:Click to expand...

I haven't even brought up that we may not fall the first month to my DH. I'll give him until May and then maybe mention it in passing that if we still start in September it may not happen right away so we will have more time to find a house if we haven't yet.


----------



## babyzoe

crayoncrittle said:


> One of my friends is TTC next month, and keeps talking like they'll fall pregnant first try and be due on this date and blah blah blah. And I kind of want to tell her "Love, it might not even happen first try, you're coming off the pill this week and you've not really done anything to get ready (charting etc) and even then it could be months" but I don't want to sound mean! But then I also don't want her to be really disappointed if they don't fall straight away - they're so sure they will! Gah....
> 
> I've just been replying with "hopefully yeah!" to most things, like "The baby will be due Nov 26!"
> "Hopefully! :)"
> "And then your baby will be a month younger" (we might be trying in April now)
> "that'd be cute if it happened"
> 
> She just speaks with such certainty and I want to just shake her and say "it doesn't always work like that!!!"
> 
> 
> anyway. that's me.

LOL. I do this too. Aiming for a June/July baby. I HAVE to get pregnant on the first try. I mean, logically I know that may not happen...but hey...the mind's a powerful thing, right. I just have to will it into existence. Haha!


----------



## Mrs Dragonfly

I would love a February LO so fingers crossed for a first try lol. Although if that dones't work that's fine, as long as there is no trying in March because I'd rather avoid December babies if possible. *babyzoe*, the mind is a powerful thing! :)


----------



## thestarsfall

Confessions:
- I don't think I'll tell some people that we were ever TTC so that when I fall pregnant I could say that it wasn't planned so they won't be upset with me about not waiting until we're completely financially/spatially ready.
- I am terrified that something major will come up between now and April that will make it horribly irresponsible to start TTC in April since that is what happened last year as well. 
- Part of me wants to just say "eff this" to all of life's TTC setbacks and TTC anyway even if it means we'd be eating beans a rice for a year or something like that.
- The closer we get to the TTC date the more anxious I get that I should put it off further and further. I think because it's somehting I've been looking forward to for so long that I don't know how I would handle actually doing it and not just looking forward to it. That and I don't yet see myself as an adult yet.


----------



## Sarah lo

I also plan like it will happen on the first try. We can't start TTC any earlier than September because we have weddings and a holiday to get out of the way first, but then I want the baby to come before September 2014 as I don't want them to miss out on the school year when the time comes so that gives us a window of about 3 months! 

Whatever you do though girls, try not to go the opposite and plan for it taking ages to conceive. I did that with #1 - because it took my mum 4 years to get pregnant I assumed I'd have trouble too so we started TTC a lot earlier than we would have liked....and got pregnant on the first try! :haha:


----------



## MrsGax

I confess: 
-that I get jealous more than I admit it when other friends and family are pregnant. 
-I am terrified of another MC. 
-I am hoping my BIL and SIL have the first baby (weird, I know) so that my in law family will not be super crazy over ours. I don't mean not excited, cause they will be ecstatic since we have had a MC, but I mean like literally telling me how to raise him/her, bashing me for different things I do, judging me left and right, thinking they have some claim over MY baby. When I went through the MC, my dear MIL had quite a few words to say basically blaming me for the MC and said it was the hardest thing she ever went through without even thinking how I felt. And when I was pregnant, they would always say "How is MY baby doing?" Ummm sorry, it is your grand kid, but not your baby. There is some tension there for me. Even my own mother, who is my very best friend would say "How is your little baby doing? How do YOU feel?" etc. How it should be.
-I totally do the food baby thing too. But I even take pictures lol. 
-I am getting in shape right now to be able to work out while pregnant, but most of all to feel good in a bathing suit this summer. 
-I totally want to try birth naturally, but I won't admit to people I know because I have had contractions with the MC and I know I could not take more of that but I do not want to hear people say "I told you so" when I get the epidural. 
-I am so scared of my kitty suffering during birth, I have had night mares of it ripping all the way up to my lower back 
-I feel like I have this friend who always tries to one up me and sometimes, I wish that she would go through what I went through just so she would appreciate her pregnancy more. Although, I think of that and it makes me feel so bad because I would NEVER EVER wish it on anyone. It was awful, but I hate when girls do not realize what a blessing it is to carry that baby and have no issues. 

I like this thread. It is good to confess and get it out with no judging.


----------



## babyzoe

MrsGax said:


> -I am so scared of my kitty suffering during birth, I have had night mares of it ripping all the way up to my lower back

I read this too fast and thought you were referring to a feline. I was like..the only way that could happen is if you were laying on it and why on EARTH would you do a thing like that?! :rofl:


----------



## MrsGax

babyzoe said:


> MrsGax said:
> 
> 
> -I am so scared of my kitty suffering during birth, I have had night mares of it ripping all the way up to my lower back
> 
> I read this too fast and thought you were referring to a feline. I was like..the only way that could happen is if you were laying on it and why on EARTH would you do a thing like that?! :rofl:Click to expand...

hahahahahaha! I am cracking up over here! lol... I call my vag my kitty. lol hahahahaha. that was such a needed laugh... thank you! I just keep picturing my cat that I have now in the birthing room with me and me laying on him. hahahaha.


----------



## onetwothreebp

we don't live in the same city anymore but one of my best friends is TTC and it's seriously bumming me out!! as somebody who had an unplanned child young, i always relied on her to be my escape. somebody would watch lo when we were in the same city and we'd go out together. i don't want another ~mom~ friend, i want my crazy friend who makes me forget that i AM a mom!


----------



## Mrs Dragonfly

babyzoe said:


> MrsGax said:
> 
> 
> -I am so scared of my kitty suffering during birth, I have had night mares of it ripping all the way up to my lower back
> 
> I read this too fast and thought you were referring to a feline. I was like..the only way that could happen is if you were laying on it and why on EARTH would you do a thing like that?! :rofl:Click to expand...

Seriously tickled my funny bone haha:rofl:


----------



## MrsGax

Mrs Dragonfly said:


> babyzoe said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MrsGax said:
> 
> 
> -I am so scared of my kitty suffering during birth, I have had night mares of it ripping all the way up to my lower back
> 
> I read this too fast and thought you were referring to a feline. I was like..the only way that could happen is if you were laying on it and why on EARTH would you do a thing like that?! :rofl:Click to expand...
> 
> Seriously tickled my funny bone haha:rofl:Click to expand...

Mine too! hahaha


----------



## SAmummy

I have three beautiful boys, but am secretly broody. We are not planning on more, but whenever I feel broody I come on bnb and read birth stories :dohh: I have tried to convince hubby, but that's not working ... Don't blame the poor fellow :haha: 

Secretly I hope for an oopsie baby and have even googled for people's unplanned pregnancy experiences in the hope that it would happen to me :blush: oh my gosh when I read this I realize how crazy I am ! 

To be honest I don't think this feeling will ever go away :nope:


----------



## wishuwerehere

babyzoe said:


> MrsGax said:
> 
> 
> -I am so scared of my kitty suffering during birth, I have had night mares of it ripping all the way up to my lower back
> 
> I read this too fast and thought you were referring to a feline. I was like..the only way that could happen is if you were laying on it and why on EARTH would you do a thing like that?! :rofl:Click to expand...

I thought the exact same thing! I was like...well that's an unorthodox birth partner!


----------



## chazzmatazz

Another new confession from me! I stalk the pregnancy test forum every day just waiting for it to be my day and my pictures :s


----------



## thestarsfall

Silly confession: I have such a hard time seeing any 2nd line on the pregnancy test galleries (because a lot of them are people asking if anyone else can see a line, right)...so I thought that it would be really hard to see the lines on a test and was afraid that when I test I might not know at all unless I got a digital.

Then I went to a baby shower for my hubby's aunt and she had her test on a shelf and I could totally see it. It's just cameras don't pick up the fainter lines well..lol.


----------



## Mrs Dragonfly

AF isn't due for another week but we had two pull out oopsies and I wish I would be pregnant on accident. My nipples hurt so much I have to wear a swim suit, really fatigued, and low back soreness and keep hoping it's early signs but it's probably just AF preparing to show her nasty face and me getting my hopes up for nothing :(


----------



## thestarsfall

According to my average cycles I was due for AF last week, but last cycle was long so I am not going to test until the 28th...and even though this would be totally not what I wanted in terms of planning for babies and all that....I am now starting to get excited and being like "what if?" so I fear I'll be really disappointed when I get a BFN. And yet I'll also be kinda disappointed if I get a BFP because it would really mess up our plannings. urgh


----------



## aubreee

:blush: ok my confession is that I have the "what if.." every bloody time I'm preparing for AF to show her face :dohh:

and i quite like to do the food baby as well


----------



## Rachie004

CantHrdlyWait said:


> -I had undiagnosed celiac disease for many years, and i'm afraid I won't even be able to get pregnant..
> 
> *sigh*

I'm a coeliac too! I figure it has to go undiagnosed at some point because otherwise we wouldn't have had the symptoms. I do worry about the impact it will have on getting pregnant and the pregnancy but as long as we're super strict with our gluten free diets then I think we'll be fine. How long have you been diagnosed for? Someone told me that it takes 2 years of being fully gluten free for the damage to be prepared. And folic acid, how much are we supposed to take, a couple of years ago the recommended dose was 5g daily whereas now I believe the recommended is just the normal 400mcg daily?

I didn't think I was going to get involved in this thread because I've been trying to tell myself that I'm not that baby bonkers. I'm guilty of most the things that people have cited so I guess if we're all doing it then it's okay.

- Insanely and irrationally jealous of people who are pregnant/have just had babies. Yes, of course I'm happy for them but there is a teensy little part of me that wonders why they deserve a baby
- Love looking at baby items, clothes, nursery furniture etc
- Love looking at birth plans etc, I look forward to giving birth and breast feeding.
- I'm terrified of having problems conceiving because of health problems (coeliac disease and an underactive thyroid) and the impact those may have on my pregnancy
- Miscarrying or worse, I just don't know how anyone gets beyond or past that!
- I don't have periods because of the type of pill I'm on so every so often I take a test just to check, even though I know I'm not going to be pregnant, I still feel totally crushed/disappointed when the test comes back negative. 

Man, that feels good to get off my chest. Long ramble post, sorry!


----------



## Maybe1daysoon

I am secretly afraid that since my son is such a good baby ie. sleeping through the night since 8 weeks, took to breast feeding very easily, hits every developmental milestone early. I am scared that my second will be a devil spawn. Hopefully lightning will strike twice *fingers crossed*


----------



## crayoncrittle

I am so jealous of my best friend ttc that I don't want to visit her - se lives an hour away so we don't see them often but now I don't want to because I know that's all she'll be talking about, and while we're hoping to start ttc in April it could be as late as September if my husband doesn't get off his lazy ass and find an apprenticeship. Which is a whole another story, omg.


----------



## zajm

I'm worried that because of financial restraints my partner and I might have to forget about having our 1st baby together. Only because I am 36 this year and that is my cutoff point. I have 3 other children and am lucky to have been blessed with them. 

I see happy families everywhere and get so jealous. I've never been that way in my life, lol. So, I must win the Loto or Euro Millions, just enough to buy a house outright ;) So jealousy of happy families is my confession.


----------



## zajm

@Maybe1daysoon...

That too was my fear. I had 2 wonderful babies and they have grown into beautiful teens. My 4 year old, OMG!!! He's like a hurricane! I was spoiled with my first 2, lol. Hopefully #4 will be a good baby/child :D


----------



## sailorsanchor

I am worried that we are going to have a hard time TTC. We were NTNP for January and February and nothing happened. Makes my worried about the future.


----------



## CantHrdlyWait

Rachie004 said:


> CantHrdlyWait said:
> 
> 
> -I had undiagnosed celiac disease for many years, and i'm afraid I won't even be able to get pregnant..
> 
> *sigh*
> 
> I'm a coeliac too! I figure it has to go undiagnosed at some point because otherwise we wouldn't have had the symptoms. I do worry about the impact it will have on getting pregnant and the pregnancy but as long as we're super strict with our gluten free diets then I think we'll be fine. How long have you been diagnosed for? Someone told me that it takes 2 years of being fully gluten free for the damage to be prepared. And folic acid, how much are we supposed to take, a couple of years ago the recommended dose was 5g daily whereas now I believe the recommended is just the normal 400mcg daily?
> 
> I didn't think I was going to get involved in this thread because I've been trying to tell myself that I'm not that baby bonkers. I'm guilty of most the things that people have cited so I guess if we're all doing it then it's okay.
> 
> - Insanely and irrationally jealous of people who are pregnant/have just had babies. Yes, of course I'm happy for them but there is a teensy little part of me that wonders why they deserve a baby
> - Love looking at baby items, clothes, nursery furniture etc
> - Love looking at birth plans etc, I look forward to giving birth and breast feeding.
> - I'm terrified of having problems conceiving because of health problems (coeliac disease and an underactive thyroid) and the impact those may have on my pregnancy
> - Miscarrying or worse, I just don't know how anyone gets beyond or past that!
> - I don't have periods because of the type of pill I'm on so every so often I take a test just to check, even though I know I'm not going to be pregnant, I still feel totally crushed/disappointed when the test comes back negative.
> 
> Man, that feels good to get off my chest. Long ramble post, sorry!Click to expand...

I've been diagnosed for about 13 months!! It scares me so much because they think i've had it since I was a child. If I don't get PG in the first 6 months, i'll be heartbroken.


----------



## Rachie004

Oh gosh, please don't put so much pressure on yourself. I think in the last book I just read it said on average it takes people 12-18 months to get pregnant so as I say, don't put so much pressure on yourself. 

Just make sure you're sticking to your diet 100% and taking your folic acid as it is especially important for us xx


----------



## MariposaTam

Just ran across this thread and feel I have some confessions to make! 
*Even though I am very very broody and want a baby asap, I am scared of giving up my life once the baby comes-i am an only child and have focused on myself and then my OH for so long and I know that once there is a baby there is no going back, I know myself well and am a caring nurturing person so I know my focus will be on baby more than anything.I will have to work hard at maintaining our relationship and mainly keeping my OH happy.
*I am terrified that we won't get pregnant quickly- we can't afford trying for very long, money wise and time wise, as my OH (who is going first) will be 34 when we start trying and we don't have a known donor we can use to make it more affordable.
DEEP CONFESSION:
*please don't take it the wrong way, but I am not just jealous of couples who are having kids around me-like my best friend since 5th grade who just had her first-but I'm also jealous of those who have the ability to have children and are waiting-mostly those who are on some form of birth control and can just stop and try when wished. Please, don't get me wrong-I commend everyone on here for waiting and understand that everyone has different, valid and logical reasons for doing so; but if only it was that easy for us. Being in a lesbian relationship, we have to somehow get ahold of some swimmers, spend lots of money in the process, and pray that one sticks quickly because we can't afford more than a couple tries especially since I want one of my own too in a few years. I really really like all of you so please don't hate me for this! I just felt I had to get the confession out of the way! I just have jealousy issues all around!


----------



## babyzoe

Mari, no hurt feelings here!

It sucks there isn't a viable male friend that could donate for no/low cost. It really stinks that you have to make such a financial commitment just to try. But I hope you get a fast BFP. :thumbup:


----------



## MariposaTam

Thanks babyzoe- I wish we did. For a while we were going to use my best friend, but then found out that his heart condition is hereditary :( we are still keeping options open, asking around and possibly looking into a donor from a website I found on this forum, but chances are likely that we'll have to go frozen.


----------



## Seusar

Well, judgement or no judgement, this is the internet, right?

I haven't confessed even wanting to TTC to anyone other than OH but any time he thinks I'm serious/not thinking about the distant future, he freaks out and it makes it so much worse. I feel crazy for wanting a LO so badly when I'm only 19, but by time I finish Uni, get a real job, and a house, OH will be at least 34 and I'm terrified we'll have troubles TTC- especially if he freaks and backs out for a couple years. I feel mentally, physically, and emotionally ready for a child, I just know that financially it isn't feasible, and my family will put me in the "accidental teen mom" category.

I feel so guilty for being horribly jealous of my older sister's pregnancy, even going as far as thinking of getting something for my nephew-to-be and then changing my mind because I want my child to have the advantage! I know I'm awful. I'm so frustrated knowing that neither of my parents will be half as excited for my future pregnancy since my sister is giving them the first grand-baby (our mother was terrified she wouldn't end up with any), and I will be so mad if she gets pregnant a second time before I do my first time.

More than anything though, I am absolutely terrified of accidentally falling pregnant in the near future. I couldn't justify keeping it, and that would kill me. I'm terrified that if that happened, it's the one thing OH couldn't be supportive of, and he'd think I tried it on purpose. I know that's all very irrational because he's always supportive and helpful, and great at communicating, but I couldn't stand it if I was facing such heartbreak and he blamed me for getting pregnant in the first place.


----------



## Itsychik

Great idea for a thread :thumbup:

As long as we're being honest and not judgemental...

1) I'm afraid of having a miscarriage. Not because of the emotional damage (because honestly, it doesn't feel like a 'baby' to me yet at that point) but because with my first I was SO nauseous and miserable in the first 5 months and to think of miscarrying means all that sickness will be wasted and I'd have to start all over again.

2) I'm terrified of having a breech baby! My first LO ended up being born via EMCS (he wasn't breech) and I'm desperate for a VBAC... and having a breech baby is something I can't control but would likely severely reduce my chances of a VBAC.

3) I'm afraid I won't be able to exclusively breastfeed :nope: once I "got the hang of it" with my DS I loved it, but I had a low supply and so always had to combi-feed, and had to stop before I was ready because my supply just dropped (despite trying everything). I get a little jealous when I see/hear of people breastfeeding because I want so badly to be able to do so with #2!


----------



## Rachie004

MariposaTam said:


> DEEP CONFESSION:
> *please don't take it the wrong way, but I am not just jealous of couples who are having kids around me-like my best friend since 5th grade who just had her first-but I'm also jealous of those who have the ability to have children and are waiting-mostly those who are on some form of birth control and can just stop and try when wished. Please, don't get me wrong-I commend everyone on here for waiting and understand that everyone has different, valid and logical reasons for doing so; but if only it was that easy for us. Being in a lesbian relationship, we have to somehow get ahold of some swimmers, spend lots of money in the process, and pray that one sticks quickly because we can't afford more than a couple tries especially since I want one of my own too in a few years. I really really like all of you so please don't hate me for this! I just felt I had to get the confession out of the way! I just have jealousy issues all around!

No offence taken and no need for apologies! It's part of everyone having different circumstances and different reasons for waiting. Don't feel bad :) I do hope everything goes well and is successful for you xx


----------



## MariposaTam

Thanks Rachie-I felt guilty about that since I started browsing this section of the forum and when I came across the confessions thread I just had to get it off my chest- thank you so much for not taking offence!


----------



## Quicksand

I'm jealous of one of my best girlfriends.. I've been with my FI for over a year, wedding in another year and then TTC. SHE met her husband first week of November and was married to him by the third week of November (which no one knew about) and now they just started TTC.. I was always the one who wanted kids early and to be married.. she never really cared and now she's getting everything I want. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for her, but jealousy is there as well.


----------



## laurac1988

MariposaTam said:


> Just ran across this thread and feel I have some confessions to make!
> *Even though I am very very broody and want a baby asap, I am scared of giving up my life once the baby comes-i am an only child and have focused on myself and then my OH for so long and I know that once there is a baby there is no going back, I know myself well and am a caring nurturing person so I know my focus will be on baby more than anything.I will have to work hard at maintaining our relationship and mainly keeping my OH happy.
> *I am terrified that we won't get pregnant quickly- we can't afford trying for very long, money wise and time wise, as my OH (who is going first) will be 34 when we start trying and we don't have a known donor we can use to make it more affordable.
> DEEP CONFESSION:
> *please don't take it the wrong way, but I am not just jealous of couples who are having kids around me-like my best friend since 5th grade who just had her first-but I'm also jealous of those who have the ability to have children and are waiting-mostly those who are on some form of birth control and can just stop and try when wished. Please, don't get me wrong-I commend everyone on here for waiting and understand that everyone has different, valid and logical reasons for doing so; but if only it was that easy for us. Being in a lesbian relationship, we have to somehow get ahold of some swimmers, spend lots of money in the process, and pray that one sticks quickly because we can't afford more than a couple tries especially since I want one of my own too in a few years. I really really like all of you so please don't hate me for this! I just felt I had to get the confession out of the way! I just have jealousy issues all around!

Completely agree with your post Hun. Me and do have been trying with a donor we found online in the last year, then found out some pretty horrible things about him so that's that over. We're going to be trying with a new donor from October.

It is frustrating that us lesbian ladies don't have the goods just lying around, but what has helped me is talking to lots of ladies. You soon realise that everyone has the same fears of infertility and such. 

Have a look online, there are plenty of websites around and you never know, you could find a great donor and save loads of money. I understand the financial side of things because if DP turns out to be just as infertile as I seem to be, we will have to look at the clinic route too.


----------



## MariposaTam

Thank you laurac-I actually joined this forum because everyone seemed friendly and accepting and very informative-we really are just at the very beginning of this and everyone here has helped a lot already. Because of this forum we are now considering the known donor route a little more than we had in the past-we had just assumed we were going frozen initially but that is so much money, and doesn't seem to work as well! I'm so sorry to hear about your donor/infertility issues-I really hope everything works out for you guys, that just stinks!


----------



## Rachie004

I'm having a bad broody day today! I just want to get pregnant RIGHT NOW, despite the fact that I'm committed to running a half-marathon in 6 months (I'm raising money for SANDS). We've made some good progress on the house in the last couple of days so I think that is spurring me on!


----------

