# no contact with fob



## lauram_92

Hiya I'm just wondering if anyone else has no contact with fob? I haven't spoken to him since i was twelve weeks pregnant and he has made it clear he never wants to see our son or even have contact with our son. It still gets to me and i hate imagining the future and having to explain it all to oliver. Guess all im wanting it moral support from people in the same situation.


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## louloubelle76

yeah me and after what he done I dont want to hear from him, your welcome to message me :) 

here is what happened to me

https://www.babyandbump.com/single-parents/823877-feel-so-used-fooled.html 

x


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## Strawberrymum

I don't I haven't spoken to him since we broke up i was 19 weeks pregnant. I have however seen him 3-4 times while meeting with his mum so she could see LO he said nothing to me i said noting to him. his mum literally had to drag him to come. I see her once or twice a year. 

PM me if you ever want to talk


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## teal

I have absolutely no contact with FOB. Feel free to pm me anytime :hugs: xx


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## lauram_92

Sometimes I rather that he has no contact but other times I feel so low and jealous of what other people have. Just he word dad makes me feel awkward. I dont even like to call my own father that with Oliver in the room. My friends buy him books without looking at them and it is full of my dad does this, my dad does that and I dont know what to do with them. I just want to burn them!

I'll pm you guys later on when I'm on my laptop. Would be so good to get to know people in the same situation.


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## bumphenders

I love this post - for the soul fact its slightly different to single parents as a while iykwim?

Like, other posts are people who have the FOB's involved, this doesn't.

FOB isn't involved anymore either, feel free to read my other posts about him...

Also anyone can PM me if they need to talk :)

:flow:


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## Bumpi

yep .. same here .. we've been in text contact 3 times since i found out i was pregnant at 5 weeks (am now 26 weeks) .. the last time was just after my 12 week scan when he asked 'did you get dates, is it healthy' my reply: yep and yep .. the past couple of days I have been wondering if I should contact him, but then think to myself if he cant be bothered then why should I .. yep I am a stubborn cow lol xx


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## lauram_92

bumphenders said:


> I love this post - for the soul fact its slightly different to single parents as a while iykwim?
> 
> Like, other posts are people who have the FOB's involved, this doesn't.
> 
> FOB isn't involved anymore either, feel free to read my other posts about him...
> 
> Also anyone can PM me if they need to talk :)
> 
> :flow:

I feel like I can't relate to people who have split from fob but still have him involved because it is such a different situation. Their children still have dads. They don't have to feel the guilt or handle all the responsibilities on their own.


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## Bumpi

lauram_92 said:


> bumphenders said:
> 
> 
> I love this post - for the soul fact its slightly different to single parents as a while iykwim?
> 
> Like, other posts are people who have the FOB's involved, this doesn't.
> 
> FOB isn't involved anymore either, feel free to read my other posts about him...
> 
> Also anyone can PM me if they need to talk :)
> 
> :flow:
> 
> I feel like I can't relate to people who have split from fob but still have him involved because it is such a different situation. Their children still have dads. They don't have to feel the guilt or handle all the responsibilities on their own.Click to expand...

My son is 10, and he has a different 'father' to Sophie who I am carrying now .. my story is sooo long so wont go into it all on here .. but need to say to you please dont feel any guilt .. if the father does not want to be involved, then why should you feel guilty?
When David was about 5 a neighbours son kept pushing and pushing .. he knew David did not have a father but kept asking and mentioning it to David when we were all walking to school .. David turned round and said to him 'I dont need a dad, I have my mum, she is my Mumdad' .. that said it all for me (and yes I did cry) .. If your child at 5 can come out with something like that then you know you've made the right decision and have nothing to feel guilty for xx


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## bumphenders

lauram_92 said:


> bumphenders said:
> 
> 
> I love this post - for the soul fact its slightly different to single parents as a while iykwim?
> 
> Like, other posts are people who have the FOB's involved, this doesn't.
> 
> FOB isn't involved anymore either, feel free to read my other posts about him...
> 
> Also anyone can PM me if they need to talk :)
> 
> :flow:
> 
> I feel like I can't relate to people who have split from fob but still have him involved because it is such a different situation. Their children still have dads. They don't have to feel the guilt or handle all the responsibilities on their own.Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean!! I have tried so hard with FOB, like mentioned in my past posts and I just feel like I shouldn't be giving up, but I don't have a choice anymore, I can't deal with the stress and upset :/

:flow:


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## bw1691

Fob used to come and see alfie once a week, when he could be bothered, and mostly got cancelled by him and ended up being more like once a month. We were stuggling to arrange a day for him to see Alfie as we both had busy weeks (April '11) and we havent heard from him since. In some peoples opinion this is wrong of me, but i havent tried to contact him as he only stayed for half an hour, never provided anything for Alfie or even showed much interest in Alfie, most of the visit was spent trying to wind up and pick fights with me and my mum. But i couldnt care less, Alfie is an incredibly happy boy so things can stay this way as far as im concerned. One Birthday and Christmas has passed and still nothing, so i think he's made his decision now. Feel free to message me if you want to rant :) xx


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## Bumpi

bw1691 said:


> Fob used to come and see alfie once a week, when he could be bothered, and mostly got cancelled by him and ended up being more like once a month. We were stuggling to arrange a day for him to see Alfie as we both had busy weeks (April '11) and we havent heard from him since. In some peoples opinion this is wrong of me, but i havent tried to contact him as he only stayed for half an hour, never provided anything for Alfie or even showed much interest in Alfie, most of the visit was spent trying to wind up and pick fights with me and my mum. But i couldnt care less, Alfie is an incredibly happy boy so things can stay this way as far as im concerned. One Birthday and Christmas has passed and still nothing, so i think he's made his decision now. Feel free to message me if you want to rant :) xx

i dont think its wrong of you at all .. if he wanted to know his son then he would be in touch wouldnt he xx


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## louloubelle76

I feel like im letting my little girl down but i think why should i contact him all the time, he has hands and fingers he can use them on bloody facebook he can use them to text or call me


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## Bumpi

louloubelle76 said:


> I feel like im letting my little girl down but i think why should i contact him all the time, he has hands and fingers he can use them on bloody facebook he can use them to text or call me

that's exactly how I feel .. but i know my FOB won't xx


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## bumphenders

Bumpi said:


> louloubelle76 said:
> 
> 
> I feel like im letting my little girl down but i think why should i contact him all the time, he has hands and fingers he can use them on bloody facebook he can use them to text or call me
> 
> that's exactly how I feel .. but i know my FOB won't xxClick to expand...

Me too! 

:flow:


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## peapod11

I am in the exact same position! Bf of 4yrs decided to leave because he fist want to be a dad! I'm 16weeks pregnant! He hasn't and won't come to any of my scans as in his words he's afraid he will get attached, very unsure y he wouldn't want to even try! So in the space of a month, our relationship has gone from living together ad talking alot throughout the day to him not even being in contact once in 2weeks! It's so hard dealing with breaking up with my bestfriend, dealing with him not being in my child's life at all, and how he has treated me! I don't no if he will come around! I'm so against getting in contact him as I have said how I felt and he's the one not wanting to be with me or my child and i can't force him to be a dad :(


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## Dezireey

I haven't seen FOB for three months when he told me that there was no hope for us as he didn't want the baby and I did. I think he thought he could call my bluff but it backfired on him as I have kept my baby son. 

At first we still texted every now and again, sometimes nice texts sometimes a bit strained but he has NEVER once asked about his child and when I asked on the day that we broke up, whether he was even going to attend the birth, he just shook his head and said no.

I think the anger has boiled up inside me so much about his behaviour these last few weeks that two weeks ago I went ballistic on him via e-mails and several texts. Everyone said I should leave him alone, don't push him as he will go further away but it's easy for them to say, their heart is not breaking in two about being dumped by someone you loved and the power this man has over changing such a momentous occasion in my life (e.g don't we all dream that we want the perfect partner, kids and happy ending and the father of our child is at least in our child's life? I feel so angry that he just took that dream away from me in just a few words) 

I told two of his friends that I was having his baby and he has left me, he hated that I did that and tried to be all nicey nicey to me and said he never wanted to fall out with me (yeah to save his own reputation no doubt) He told me to call him whenever but he hasn't lifted a finger to contact me at all. After my recent outbursts, he ignores me completley. 

Sorry to ramble on but the title of the thread really gets to my heart. I would just have much preferred it, if he told me he didn't love me at all and never wanted to be with me again, yet wanted to get totally involved with my baby's birth and life. I know I am going to have to tell that little one's face one day that he hasn't got a daddy/ daddy can't be with him. That is what hurts soooo badly and I am livid with pure anger at the moment that that man has done this to this tiny little innocent person :growlmad:

I do get people saying he may come around when he is born and once he sees him he will melt but I think that's a pile of rubbish. If he can do this to a pregnant woman and just ignore her and disappear, there is no way he will 
'come around' when his son is born.


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## XoXKittyXoX

Theres one book you should look at ... you can google it.. Its called " My Mom Can Do Anything" :) Hope this will help..


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## peapod11

XoXKittyXoX said:


> Theres one book you should look at ... you can google it.. Its called " My Mom Can Do Anything" :) Hope this will help..

Thank u


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## TattiesMum

:hugs::hugs:

I don't know how this is going to be received, but in all honesty I envy you girls without FOBs in the picture :hugs:

Most of the really stressful stuff involved when you are a single parent seems (in my experience) to be caused by FOBs ... they drop in and out of lives, make threats, send solicitors letters, take us to court, lie, don't help a bit, make unreasonable demands, introduce short term girlfriends or have long term ones that try to take over, have pushy parents, won't stick to visitation schedules, stir up trouble with mutual acquaintances ... the list is bloody endless :dohh: 

I know it's hard work doing it all on your own, but those of us with FOBs still in the picture still have to do that (they are rarely any use in any practical or financial sense :nope:) and have an endless source of grief :hugs: I wish both my ex and my Grandson's FOB would just vanish off the face of the earth :blush:


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## dustbunny

As soon as FOB realised I was going to get back with him I think the varnish of everything wore off. I'm pretty sure if I phoned up for a chat and to indulge him in asking how his life is he would talk for England but mention the baby or anything else he clams up and sounds so bored. Since phoning on boxing day about a truce and trying to include him I haven't heard from him apart from a Happy New Year text which had nothing to do with baby or asking how baby was. His facebook is covered in posts about his excitement of the Olympics, playing his Xbox and his new camera equipment he has just bought [we are now talking in total an excess of £1000] but he has said asking him for money for baby is out of line. Now I have 3 jobs [which I love] so don't need to ask him anymore!!! To be honest if he contacted me now I would simply tell him to F off.


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## peapod11

Dezireey said:


> I haven't seen FOB for three months when he told me that there was no hope for us as he didn't want the baby and I did. I think he thought he could call my bluff but it backfired on him as I have kept my baby son.
> 
> At first we still texted every now and again, sometimes nice texts sometimes a bit strained but he has NEVER once asked about his child and when I asked on the day that we broke up, whether he was even going to attend the birth, he just shook his head and said no.
> 
> I think the anger has boiled up inside me so much about his behaviour these last few weeks that two weeks ago I went ballistic on him via e-mails and several texts. Everyone said I should leave him alone, don't push him as he will go further away but it's easy for them to say, their heart is not breaking in two about being dumped by someone you loved and the power this man has over changing such a momentous occasion in my life (e.g don't we all dream that we want the perfect partner, kids and happy ending and the father of our child is at least in our child's life? I feel so angry that he just took that dream away from me in just a few words)
> 
> I told two of his friends that I was having his baby and he has left me, he hated that I did that and tried to be all nicey nicey to me and said he never wanted to fall out with me (yeah to save his own reputation no doubt) He told me to call him whenever but he hasn't lifted a finger to contact me at all. After my recent outbursts, he ignores me completley.
> 
> Sorry to ramble on but the title of the thread really gets to my heart. I would just have much preferred it, if he told me he didn't love me at all and never wanted to be with me again, yet wanted to get totally involved with my baby's birth and life. I know I am going to have to tell that little one's face one day that he hasn't got a daddy/ daddy can't be with him. That is what hurts soooo badly and I am livid with pure anger at the moment that that man has done this to this tiny little innocent person :growlmad:
> 
> I do get people saying he may come around when he is born and once he sees him he will melt but I think that's a pile of rubbish. If he can do this to a pregnant woman and just ignore her and disappear, there is no way he will
> 'come around' when his son is born.

your situation is exactly like my situtation.


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## surprisebaby

Dezireey said:


> I haven't seen FOB for three months when he told me that there was no hope for us as he didn't want the baby and I did. I think he thought he could call my bluff but it backfired on him as I have kept my baby son.
> 
> At first we still texted every now and again, sometimes nice texts sometimes a bit strained but he has NEVER once asked about his child and when I asked on the day that we broke up, whether he was even going to attend the birth, he just shook his head and said no.
> 
> I think the anger has boiled up inside me so much about his behaviour these last few weeks that two weeks ago I went ballistic on him via e-mails and several texts. Everyone said I should leave him alone, don't push him as he will go further away but it's easy for them to say, their heart is not breaking in two about being dumped by someone you loved and the power this man has over changing such a momentous occasion in my life (e.g don't we all dream that we want the perfect partner, kids and happy ending and the father of our child is at least in our child's life? I feel so angry that he just took that dream away from me in just a few words)
> 
> I told two of his friends that I was having his baby and he has left me, he hated that I did that and tried to be all nicey nicey to me and said he never wanted to fall out with me (yeah to save his own reputation no doubt) He told me to call him whenever but he hasn't lifted a finger to contact me at all. After my recent outbursts, he ignores me completley.
> 
> Sorry to ramble on but the title of the thread really gets to my heart. I would just have much preferred it, if he told me he didn't love me at all and never wanted to be with me again, yet wanted to get totally involved with my baby's birth and life. I know I am going to have to tell that little one's face one day that he hasn't got a daddy/ daddy can't be with him. That is what hurts soooo badly and I am livid with pure anger at the moment that that man has done this to this tiny little innocent person :growlmad:
> 
> I do get people saying he may come around when he is born and once he sees him he will melt but I think that's a pile of rubbish. If he can do this to a pregnant woman and just ignore her and disappear, there is no way he will
> 'come around' when his son is born.

the way you discribed everything here is exactly what i went through. my daughter is now 20 months and when i got pregnant thats when my fob cut me out of his life and ignored my calls, texts, emails. it was awful. so hurtful. he still has nothing to do with Charlotte. not paid a penny either. i oten wonder if he will ever contact me and how things would be.


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## lauram_92

TattiesMum said:


> :hugs::hugs:
> 
> I don't know how this is going to be received, but in all honesty I envy you girls without FOBs in the picture :hugs:
> 
> Most of the really stressful stuff involved when you are a single parent seems (in my experience) to be caused by FOBs ... they drop in and out of lives, make threats, send solicitors letters, take us to court, lie, don't help a bit, make unreasonable demands, introduce short term girlfriends or have long term ones that try to take over, have pushy parents, won't stick to visitation schedules, stir up trouble with mutual acquaintances ... the list is bloody endless :dohh:
> 
> I know it's hard work doing it all on your own, but those of us with FOBs still in the picture still have to do that (they are rarely any use in any practical or financial sense :nope:) and have an endless source of grief :hugs: I wish both my ex and my Grandson's FOB would just vanish off the face of the earth :blush:

There are times when I think I am lucky to not have FOB in the picture because some of them are a total waste of space, but then I think at least he would have a Dad. He would have a proper family, with more than one set of Grandparents, he would have people that WANT to see him, take him out etc. More people who are proud of him and more people to turn to when he needs help.
One day I will have to tell him his Dad wasn't "ready" to be a father, and it breaks my heart knowing that he doesn't know what he is missing out on.


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## TattiesMum

I can understand that desire for your LO to be part of a huge loving family :hugs::hugs:

The thing is that even with an FOB in the picture that rarely happens ... my kids haven't seen or had contact with a single member of their Father's family since the day we split :shrug: Not even so much as a card on birthdays and Christmas ... and that's not my doing, it is entirely their choice :nope:

My Grandson is the same ... the only time they get in touch is to abuse my daughter via text or FB :growlmad: but they aren't actually interested in Kaylum himself :shrug:

Here's the good bit though .... when you meet someone else - someone who loves you and your LO as you deserve to be loved - *their* family will become that huge loving family for him :happydance: My DH's family totally accepted my 3 into their lives ... it's those Aunts and Uncles, Great Aunts and cousins who never forget a birthday, congratulate them on their achievements, have shared memories and get togethers :thumbup:

Same with my Grandson - my Daughter's partner's family completely accept him as their own ... post proud photo's of him on FB, take him out, have him to stay, spoil him on his Birthday and at Xmas and boast about his milestones being reached etc ... and because he has no contact with his birth father's family there is no confusion for him at all :happydance: :hugs::hugs:


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## Lemonflower

peapod11 said:


> Dezireey said:
> 
> 
> I haven't seen FOB for three months when he told me that there was no hope for us as he didn't want the baby and I did. I think he thought he could call my bluff but it backfired on him as I have kept my baby son.
> 
> At first we still texted every now and again, sometimes nice texts sometimes a bit strained but he has NEVER once asked about his child and when I asked on the day that we broke up, whether he was even going to attend the birth, he just shook his head and said no.
> 
> I think the anger has boiled up inside me so much about his behaviour these last few weeks that two weeks ago I went ballistic on him via e-mails and several texts. Everyone said I should leave him alone, don't push him as he will go further away but it's easy for them to say, their heart is not breaking in two about being dumped by someone you loved and the power this man has over changing such a momentous occasion in my life (e.g don't we all dream that we want the perfect partner, kids and happy ending and the father of our child is at least in our child's life? I feel so angry that he just took that dream away from me in just a few words)
> 
> I told two of his friends that I was having his baby and he has left me, he hated that I did that and tried to be all nicey nicey to me and said he never wanted to fall out with me (yeah to save his own reputation no doubt) He told me to call him whenever but he hasn't lifted a finger to contact me at all. After my recent outbursts, he ignores me completley.
> 
> Sorry to ramble on but the title of the thread really gets to my heart. I would just have much preferred it, if he told me he didn't love me at all and never wanted to be with me again, yet wanted to get totally involved with my baby's birth and life. I know I am going to have to tell that little one's face one day that he hasn't got a daddy/ daddy can't be with him. That is what hurts soooo badly and I am livid with pure anger at the moment that that man has done this to this tiny little innocent person :growlmad:
> 
> I do get people saying he may come around when he is born and once he sees him he will melt but I think that's a pile of rubbish. If he can do this to a pregnant woman and just ignore her and disappear, there is no way he will
> 'come around' when his son is born.
> 
> your situation is exactly like my situtation.Click to expand...


Ouch I feel the same - especially this part.

"....their heart is not breaking in two about being dumped by someone you loved and the power this man has over changing such a momentous occasion in my life (e.g don't we all dream that we want the perfect partner, kids and happy ending and the father of our child is at least in our child's life? I feel so angry that he just took that dream away from me in just a few words)"

xxx


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## peapod11

My fob has took every excited away I should be having, instead I'm stressed, wanting to know where I going to live, get a home ready and a baby in short of 5months! Iv lost what I thought was my bestfriend, and so hurt by what he has done! I'm having servere headaches caused by stress! And I am totally put of having more children because of fear of finding someone and they do this to me again! This should be the most amazing time of my life bringing a new person into the world and my world is just full of hurt at the min :(


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## Dezireey

TattiesMum said:


> :hugs::hugs:
> 
> I don't know how this is going to be received, but in all honesty I envy you girls without FOBs in the picture :hugs:
> 
> Most of the really stressful stuff involved when you are a single parent seems (in my experience) to be caused by FOBs ... they drop in and out of lives, make threats, send solicitors letters, take us to court, lie, don't help a bit, make unreasonable demands, introduce short term girlfriends or have long term ones that try to take over, have pushy parents, won't stick to visitation schedules, stir up trouble with mutual acquaintances ... the list is bloody endless :dohh:
> 
> I know it's hard work doing it all on your own, but those of us with FOBs still in the picture still have to do that (they are rarely any use in any practical or financial sense :nope:) and have an endless source of grief :hugs: I wish both my ex and my Grandson's FOB would just vanish off the face of the earth :blush:

I understand what you mean Tattie and it is also a painful and upsetting thing to go through aswell. hugs :hugs: 

However, I'd rather my son, as he grows up, knows and has met his Dad (he can make his own decisions about what he thinks of him) and at least knows his Dad was / is interested in actually _being_ his father of some sort. 

When there is this empty, empty blank space in a persons life where a biological father should be...I think that is heartbreaking. I even think a kid that maybe has met or knows his/her father but later in life never sees them, is better than just nothing. How do you explain to your child that their father didn't even want them to be born? I will never say that to my son though, he will never know the real truth. My family wishes my FOB would rot in hell but he is still the father of my child and he always will be, whether he likes it or not. He will be living the rest of his life as a 'father', regardless of where he is and who he is with. 

I hope one day the anger will subside but no-one has ever treated me as badly as this and no-one ever will again. Like someone else said, I do not trust that another man will do this again if I have any more kids. It seems to me on here that there are so many women just flabbergasted at the behaviour of their partners just 'disappearing' as they thought the relationship was strong, loving and long term in some cases?? I tried to make my ex see what an insanely terrible thing this is to do to his child but just no response at all. I hope he feels as guilty as hell one day and goes to his grave regretting this stupid, life changing decision he has made. Even if he eventually decides that he _does _want to be in my sons life after all, he has done so much damage to the Mother, that the relationship we had is ruined for good, he will never get me back after this. I hope he doesn't even try to as the words he would receive from me would be horrible, to say the least. What makes me laugh is all his protestations of love when he found out I was keeping the baby and how 'his world will be torn apart now without me' and he will 'hurt forever' and how *my* decision is breaking us apart. Oh what a load of old hairy bollocks :haha::haha:


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