# Am I just being silly?



## teeniestep

Well my OH proposed to me the other day...
He was on tag, (over hardly anything) and they took it off on Monday.
I came round to sit with him all day, well i say all day he was at his mates while i was babysitting HIS baby niece. I was trying to settle the baby with tears streaming down both our faces...
That night he blamed me for his brothers dog dying so i went home early, he made a complete and utter idiot out of me infront of his family saying it was my fault :cry:
I was going to go round last night after work but when i told him he said 'Not to bother he's 'busy''
I was going to go down now but again he said 'He's busy'
I don't know if i was being stupid or what but i'm sure he said' 'Babe he's alright yano' when he thought that i had put the phone down. When I was asked him what he said he was like 'Oh oh nothing'. 
WHAT THE HELL! :cry:
He's the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with. :dohh:



*FINAL UPDATE IS ON PAGE 17 *


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## Armywife

I don't really know what to say sweetie as i don't know the background to each incident and whether this is the first time he has treated you in this way but i don't think you're being silly. I would be very upset if my husband acted like this towards me and you have a right to be hurt and cross. 

Sometimes men don't think though, he may just be trying to see how far he can push you or he may really not have a clue how his actions have affected you. The only thing i can suggest is have a long think alone, write down all the pros and cons in your relationship then wrtie down all the things he does/has done. Arrange to meet up when neither of you are angry and discuss each point. 

Healthy relationships are based upon communication, trust, support and honesty, without those things there is nothing to fall back on when things go wrong. Good luck to you, i hope you manage to sort things out happily xxxxx


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## Armywife

Oh and congratulations on your engagement! xx


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## aliss

Hon, having read your past posts about this guy (didn't he cheat on you recently, too? Not to mention the drama that he currently has another girl pregnant), I'm not sure why you put yourself through this? I don't know what your previous relationship experience is (you are 18, so I'm guessing it isn't a lot), but a good man would NEVER treat you like this guy does.


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## Armywife

Didn't know about past posts but in that case i'd have to agree. Any man worth your time would never treat you like this. As hard as it may be to walk away, you really do deserve better and it will probably be the best thing you ever did. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this but aliss is right. Take care xxx


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## poppy

Sorry to sound stupid, but what does 'on tag' mean?


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## maaybe2010

poppy said:


> Sorry to sound stupid, but what does 'on tag' mean?

I think it means an electrical tag round his ankle, so the police can track where he is?
And make sure he sticks to a curfew

xx


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## mumsxboys

Oh dear I dont really have any advice, but didnt wanna read and run! Congratulations on the engagement! xx


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## Lianne1986

same here mumsxboy...congrats also xx


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## poppy

maaybe2010 said:


> poppy said:
> 
> 
> Sorry to sound stupid, but what does 'on tag' mean?
> 
> I think it means an electrical tag round his ankle, so the police can track where he is?
> And make sure he sticks to a curfew
> 
> xxClick to expand...

Thanks! I am having a real :dohh: moment!

Hmmm, he sounds a real catch.

I think the police tagging thing plus the fact that you have said that he is treating you like rubbish, I would get out now and count it a lucky escape! If he is being like this to you now, what is he going to be like once you are married? Unless he makes a real concerted effort to change his ways (including not getting involved with the police - now, I know people make mistakes and so on and I don't know what he had the tag for but I recon people don't get tagged for having a parking fine), do you really want him to be the man you have children with? Would he be a good role model?

I hope you work things out one way or another and find the happiness you deserve.

xxx


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## carbafe

You do not deserve to be treated like that ! I definitely don't think you should get engaged to someone who treats you like this. At the very least I would give him an ultimatum and tell him he either treats you better or the engagement is off. 

I have been treated badly by a boyfriend in the past and I thought I loved him to much and couldn't live without him and kept forgiving him. Eventually enough was enough and we broke up and I can tell you it was the best thing I have ever done. Once we had broken up I realised just how miserable he made me and how happy I was without him. I am now married to my lovely husband and have never looked back. 

You are only 18 don't get tied into a destructive relationship. Also in my experience once a cheat always a cheat.

I hope you don't think I am being to forward. If so you can ignore my post. I just know from experience it can be so easy to make up excuses for someone when your in love but sometimes its so much better for you (and less heart ache in the long run) to get out.


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## plutosblue

Hun if some man, any man for that matter blamed me for his brothers dogs death and then started acting like that to me I would tell him where to sling it. 

No man, no matter how much you love him, should be allowed to treat you like that.

I would say congrats on your engagment, but are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him? I don't know the ins and outs of the relationship, but no man would treat you like that if he held any sort of respect for you. 

Take some time and evaluate how this is going, since from your other posts its seems like hes making you pretty miserable, a good thing to go by is that, no man is worth your tears and the one who is worth it, won't make you cry. :hugs: 

Sorry if I sound negative, but I was in a relationship like this in my teens and I left him and I was so glad I did now.

:hugs: Feel better hun.


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## Amygdala

I agree with the others, run for the hills!


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## wanna-b-mummy

I agree with everybody - No man has the right to make you feel this way and I would not be standing for it. I reaaaally don't mean to be patronizing, honestly hun, but you are so young with so much ahead of you, would you really want a guy that blames you for his brother's dog dying and speaks to you like crap? There are some wonderful men out there that would worship the ground you walk on and wouldn't treat you like he has. 

I hope this isn't too cut and dry but if someone is making you cry more than they make you smile, I always say it's time to get out.

I hope you can work this out hun xx


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## Princess_LV

Sorry to be blunt, but he sounds like an absolute arse to me hun. If you stay in a relationship like that, it will not do either of you any good in the long run, as it will entirely alter your perception of the opposite sex. He will spend the rest of his life thinking all women are pushovers and continue to treat them that way, and you will spend the rest of yours thinking that is how you should be treated as a woman... and that is NOT GOOD. Self-fulfilling prohecies and all that. I really think you need to re-evaluate what you are doing together, because from the outside looking in, it is not working. xxx


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## sleepinbeauty

I'm sorry to say this to you because I now you must be excited still seeing as it's only been 4 days (according to your ticker) but it sounds like he asked you as a means of control.

My ex-fiance did the same thing to me. He was a lying good-for-nothing dirt-bag. As much as it hurts, you need to get yourself out before it gets worse. It certainty did for me in the same situation.


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## caz81

omg ive just read some more of your posts about him, and the only thing i can say is - run!!! what an idiot, he treats you terribly...you need to give him back the ring & get out of the relationship now xx


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## Damita

Sorry to say this but I am agreeing with all the others, he sounds like he isn't ready for this sorry hun :(


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## Cornbread

aliss said:


> Hon, having read your past posts about this guy (didn't he cheat on you recently, too? Not to mention the drama that he currently has another girl pregnant), I'm not sure why you put yourself through this? I don't know what your previous relationship experience is (you are 18, so I'm guessing it isn't a lot), but *a good man would NEVER treat you like this guy does.*

I don't know about the other stuff because I'm new but I totally agree with the bolded.



plutosblue said:


> Hun if some man, any man for that matter blamed me for his brothers dogs death and then started acting like that to me I would tell him where to sling it.
> 
> No man, no matter how much you love him, should be allowed to treat you like that.
> 
> I would say congrats on your engagment, but are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with him? I don't know the ins and outs of the relationship, but no man would treat you like that if he held any sort of respect for you.
> 
> Take some time and evaluate how this is going, since from your other posts its seems like hes making you pretty miserable, a good thing to go by is that, no man is worth your tears and the one who is worth it, won't make you cry. :hugs:
> 
> Sorry if I sound negative, but I was in a relationship like this in my teens and I left him and I was so glad I did now.
> 
> :hugs: Feel better hun.

I completely agree with everything in this post. It says a lot about his character that he's treating you the way he is, and none of it is good. I think it's lucky that you're finding out he's like this now rather than after you get married. If he's treating you like this while you're *just* engaged, how bad is it going to get once you're his wife? 

You deserve so much better than how he's treating you, and I don't have to know you to be able to say that with total certainty. No woman deserves to be treated how he's treating you. If you don't think you can cut ties and run, what about confronting him about his behavior? Stand up to him and say "This is how you're making me feel, this is how you're treating me, it's not acceptable, and it needs to stop." and his reaction to that should tell you plenty.

You deserve SO much better than this. If you want to stay with him, it sounds like at a BARE minimum he needs to go to anger management and individual counseling, and you two need to go to couples counseling and pre-marital counseling together. If he's not willing to change his act, blows off what you tell him, and doesn't want to go to counseling and whatnot, please please please run far away.

I know it's not easy but in the long run, you (and future children you want to have with this guy) will be better off if you stand up for yourself NOW.


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## Lilly12

Stand up for yourself hun!!! Nobody else is going to do that for you.
And you don't want a child with this man do you?? If he treats you like sh**, which he obviously does? Then why would you want to bring a child into that situation.
A real man doesn't treat a woman like that!!
Always remember that.
You can get way better than that.


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## teeniestep

Things seem to be on the up :thumbup:
I stayed at OH's last night, we went on a walk and just basically spoke about everything and how much we ment to each other.
He can be a complete and utter horrible idiot at times and he admits that, but now he just walks away and last night told me from now on if he gets angry or annoyed he's just going to say 'Leave me for 15 minutes'. 
He got annoyed because I wasn't coming to his after work tonight but just said 'I'm not arguing with you' and put the phone down :thumbup:
We've helped each other through a lot of things and he really helped me today, i'm not sure if to tell you girlies what about because it might be abit tmi but lets just say something that happened at 14 is still effecting my sex life right now. (I lost my virginity at 14 to a horrible persuasive 18 year old who took advantage :nope:, the more me and OH talk about it the more i start to think it was not right!)
Thankyou for all the lovely advice ladies, my OH now knows his place trust me. He even said 'From now on your wearing the pants in this relationship', :haha:


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## Lilly12

well i hope for you he really means it..
as i said before, aint nobody going to stand up for you, but YOU!
Good luck.


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## Cornbread

Lilly12 said:


> well i hope for you he really means it..
> as i said before, aint nobody going to stand up for you, but YOU!
> Good luck.

Yup. Did he admit he's wrong and apologize for how he's treating you? Did you bring up counseling and anger management? Those are a couple of things I think he/y'all might benefit from.


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## aliss

Listen to actions, not words.


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## sleepinbeauty

aliss said:


> Listen to actions, not words.

Yes. Please do. For your health, be it mental or otherwise.


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## Lullaby2009

Glad you both talked it out, however from past experience I know how easy it is to talk things out on a regular basis and still get nowhere. It's good that he's willing to try, but if he goes back to treating you bad, then do what is best for YOU and leave him. A guy that gives up on treating a girl with respect, has no place being with her at all!


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## tasha41

Hun it doesn't matter if he can admit he's an asshole sometimes... the fact that he is an ass and knows it and continues to be an asshole to you says enough.

I had a boyfriend EXACTLY like that when I was 15-18... I stayed with him for 2 long, miserable years (for the most part-- of course we had some good times that made me forget about the bad but the bad kept reoccuring you know??).. we always talked about stuff and "worked through things" and he was always going to treat me better and I was going to get more say in stuff but it never happened!

I still say give back the ring and move on with your life. Even if you don't break up... I REALLY think you guys should reconsider your engagement until things are going a bit more smoothly. You guys are young and have been together for only 6 months and are engaged-- you are just getting to know each other still really. And you're WTT also? At 18 you shouldn't have to put up with this stuff yet, not that anyone should at any age. Go live your life and do 18 year old things and have 18 year old problems!!


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## Lianne1986

i agree , i have been in similar situation and b4 long he will have brainwashed u!! ive seen it happen to other girls...
u will be left heartbroken, 
Lianne x


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## Miss_d

Good luck and i think u will need it, words are great we can all be great with words but actions speak louder than words!!!


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## teeniestep

Cornbread said:


> Lilly12 said:
> 
> 
> well i hope for you he really means it..
> as i said before, aint nobody going to stand up for you, but YOU!
> Good luck.
> 
> Yup. Did he admit he's wrong and apologize for how he's treating you? Did you bring up counseling and anger management? Those are a couple of things I think he/y'all might benefit from.Click to expand...


He's tried counselling and anger management, all i can say is the system failed him (social services). :shrug:. To be honest i wouldn't want him to go to counselling, i've tried it and soon said i wasn't going back again...


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## teeniestep

I've made him sound like a horrible twat aint i :shrug:
He's got his anger problems and sometimes he takes it out on the wrong person. Using words not violence!
I can honestly say i love him, when things are good they are perfect, when things are bad they are bad but that lasts less than a couple of days.
I've been there since he split up with the pregnant ex (we were best mates) & from when he was really depressed and just wasn't himself. 
Ladies he's much better than he use to be, (he use to literally not care about how he looked, what anyone thought about him, he was 'scatty') i love him and he loves me i can't just walk out, words are easier said than actions. He's honestly getting his life back on track and i've been there for him.


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## Cornbread

teeniestep said:


> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lilly12 said:
> 
> 
> well i hope for you he really means it..
> as i said before, aint nobody going to stand up for you, but YOU!
> Good luck.
> 
> Yup. Did he admit he's wrong and apologize for how he's treating you? Did you bring up counseling and anger management? Those are a couple of things I think he/y'all might benefit from.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> He's tried counselling and anger management, all i can say is the system failed him (social services). :shrug:. To be honest i wouldn't want him to go to counselling, i've tried it and soon said i wasn't going back again...Click to expand...

But did he admit he was wrong and apologize for how he's been treating you? What I'm getting at is, does he truly realize his mistakes and that he can not treat you how he has been? If he doesn't and it continues then all the apologies and promises in the world don't mean a thing. I know you have been there for a lot for him but that's all the more reason why he needs to appreciate you and treat you like a princess, not abuse you emotionally. I don't care how many good times you've had or how perfect things are when they are good, the fact that he repeatedly treats you like crap (even if he apologizes) means something is wrong. I've been emotionally abused (as well as physically) by my brother and it took me YEARS before I did anything to put a stop to it. He was my BROTHER, I couldn't just get him in trouble. Eventually however, it got to the point where I realized that no matter who he was or how much I loved him it was totally unacceptable for him to treat me how he was (and it was mostly emotional/verbal abuse) and that I was the only one who could do anything about it. We can all give you all the advice in the world but YOU have to be the one to start believing you deserve better than what you've been getting.

For your sake I hope he changes but I do think you need to start being proactive and standing up for yourself and letting him know you're not going to put up with being treated poorly. Is supporting someone you love important? Yes. Is taking care of yourself and ensuring your own safety and well-being (emotionally too, not just physically) equally if not more important? Yes.


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## aliss

You can't change or save a man. I hope you see this for what it is - one day.


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## Princess_LV

I stand by my previous post - and if it was me, I would have been out the door a LONG time ago. If I'd even got into the relationship in the first place. I hope you do what you think is right for you, because only you can really know what that is. Hopefully seeing what other people would do has helped you to establish this. Good luck x


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## Lilly12

aliss said:


> You can't change or save a man. I hope you see this for what it is - one day.

I agree with this..
Like my ex boyfriend was an ass and he made me think I was the one messed up and he blamed everything on me etc etc.
He always said he was going to change but never did.
So at one point I finally realized this and I was out the door the same day.

Now with my husband, he used to drink alot etc and he slowed down ALOT ever since we got married, but this is just a part of growing up I think, he changed that part about himself..cause he wanted to and he knew I hated him drinking.
But that is different, because thats all about him...

If a guy treats you, even slightly, bad..if it EVER crosses your mind that there might be a better guy for you out there..then the guy you're with right now isn't the one for you..
Seriously..!!

a guy is not going to change the way he treats a woman, he might bend his ways a little, and compromise on things, but he wont change the way he treats you..he has no respect for you, obviously.


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## DragonMummy

The system hasn't failed him. Plenty of people have bad experiences and bad childhoods and bad backgrounds and end up ok. At the end of it all, a real man takes responsibility for his own actions and makes changes and decisions to make things better. From where I am he is sitting back and blaming any bugger that will stand still long enough for his shortcomings. I know as I have been out with exactly his type as have many other women on here it seems. The thing is it is quite clear you are under his spell as you are now trying to make him out as Mr Wonderful when it is very apparent he is not.

I was with a guy like him for a year and the more he pushed me away the more I wanted him - thats human nature. Eventually he left me for another girl. Then I met my husband and I honestly don't have a clue what I was thinking staying so long with him. My husband treats me like his best friend. He rarely shouts, he treats me like a princess. He has utmost respect for me and we are equals. None of this one wearing the trousers - thats bullshit. It's a partnership. And it doesn't sound like he is bringing anything to the table apart from a really bad attitude and a lot of baggage.

Seriously hun, there's better options out there. I don't believe a word of what he has said to you. However it really is up to you to make the decision yourself and I hope one day soon you see him for what he really is. A bully and a coward.


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## Armywife

DragonMummy said:


> The system hasn't failed him. Plenty of people have bad experiences and bad childhoods and bad backgrounds and end up ok. At the end of it all, a real man takes responsibility for his own actions and makes changes and decisions to make things better. From where I am he is sitting back and blaming any bugger that will stand still long enough for his shortcomings. I know as I have been out with exactly his type as have many other women on here it seems. The thing is it is quite clear you are under his spell as you are now trying to make him out as Mr Wonderful when it is very apparent he is not.
> 
> I was with a guy like him for a year and the more he pushed me away the more I wanted him - thats human nature. Eventually he left me for another girl. Then I met my husband and I honestly don't have a clue what I was thinking staying so long with him. My husband treats me like his best friend. He rarely shouts, he treats me like a princess. He has utmost respect for me and we are equals. None of this one wearing the trousers - thats bullshit. It's a partnership. And it doesn't sound like he is bringing anything to the table apart from a really bad attitude and a lot of baggage.
> 
> Seriously hun, there's better options out there. I don't believe a word of what he has said to you. However it really is up to you to make the decision yourself and I hope one day soon you see him for what he really is. A bully and a coward.

I could not have said it better myself. 

I know it is so so hard to see from the inside of a relationship like this (most of us have been there) and i also realise that no amount of advice will sway your decision but i hope you keep what has been said in mind and hopefully find the strength to find someone who truly deserves you. You will realise one day that no one is trying to get at you, this _boy _is simply not good enough for you xxxxx


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## teeniestep

The system has failed him and i'm not going to much into detail but he has seen some harrowing things, he was sent to one kids home to another and was seperated from the person who ment the most to him, his identical twin brother! He's broke down to me about it but i am really not getting into that right now.
I am not 'under his spell', me and him get into arguments at times like all couples do! We haven't argued for a good couple of days and i haven't laughed or been as happy as much as i have done for the last couple of days.
We have been there threw thick and thin and have been there through alot of situations together!
He's also helped me with the thought of having to meet the man i lost my virginity to when i was 14 on sunday at a gathering which was a big thing!
It's easy to say that he's no good for me, and its easy for people to think that, but i don't give up on love that easy! :thumbup:


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## aliss

Teenie, all of us here who have been treated like this by a man know that you aren't going to listen to us and think that we just don't understand. We've all said the same things that you've said - it is incredibly common for women like you, who are being treated like garbage (and he DOES treat you like garbage - what good man would do and say these things to his fiance??), to say these things in defense. We've all said the same lines. It's like an alcoholic defending the drink or an abuser blaming the victim - the lines are always the same.

What we do know, is that usually (and hopefully), girls in your position finally see the light - it usually happens when he leaves you for another woman. You've been with him 6 months and he's already cheated on you, plus another girl is pregnant. I suspect you won't be dealing with him for too much longer, it is only a matter of time. Good luck and I hope one day you realize that it is not ok for a person to treat you like this. You are worthy of respect.


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## Cornbread

teeniestep said:


> The system has failed him and i'm not going to much into detail but he has seen some harrowing things, he was sent to one kids home to another and was seperated from the person who ment the most to him, his identical twin brother! He's broke down to me about it but i am really not getting into that right now.
> I am not 'under his spell', me and him get into arguments at times like all couples do! We haven't argued for a good couple of days and i haven't laughed or been as happy as much as i have done for the last couple of days.
> We have been there threw thick and thin and have been there through alot of situations together!
> He's also helped me with the thought of having to meet the man i lost my virginity to when i was 14 on sunday at a gathering which was a big thing!
> It's easy to say that he's no good for me, and its easy for people to think that, but i don't give up on love that easy! :thumbup:

Plenty of people have seen harrowing things and been through what he has and worse, and yet still manage to not treat the people they claim to love like crap on a regular and consistent basis. My DH has been through and seen a LOT of crap, between life, his ex-wife (she's a LOON), and his deployments with the Army... but he takes responsibility for his mistakes and makes an effort to change when there's something wrong.



Armywife said:


> DragonMummy said:
> 
> 
> The system hasn't failed him. Plenty of people have bad experiences and bad childhoods and bad backgrounds and end up ok. At the end of it all, a real man takes responsibility for his own actions and makes changes and decisions to make things better. From where I am he is sitting back and blaming any bugger that will stand still long enough for his shortcomings. I know as I have been out with exactly his type as have many other women on here it seems. The thing is it is quite clear you are under his spell as you are now trying to make him out as Mr Wonderful when it is very apparent he is not.
> 
> I was with a guy like him for a year and the more he pushed me away the more I wanted him - thats human nature. Eventually he left me for another girl. Then I met my husband and I honestly don't have a clue what I was thinking staying so long with him. My husband treats me like his best friend. He rarely shouts, he treats me like a princess. He has utmost respect for me and we are equals. None of this one wearing the trousers - thats bullshit. It's a partnership. And it doesn't sound like he is bringing anything to the table apart from a really bad attitude and a lot of baggage.
> 
> Seriously hun, there's better options out there. I don't believe a word of what he has said to you. However it really is up to you to make the decision yourself and I hope one day soon you see him for what he really is. A bully and a coward.
> 
> I could not have said it better myself.
> 
> I know it is so so hard to see from the inside of a relationship like this (most of us have been there) and i also realise that no amount of advice will sway your decision but i hope you keep what has been said in mind and hopefully find the strength to find someone who truly deserves you. You will realise one day that no one is trying to get at you, this _boy _is simply not good enough for you xxxxxClick to expand...




aliss said:


> Teenie, all of us here who have been treated like this by a man know that you aren't going to listen to us and think that we just don't understand. We've all said the same things that you've said - it is incredibly common for women like you, who are being treated like garbage (and he DOES treat you like garbage - what good man would do and say these things to his fiance??), to say these things in defense. We've all said the same lines. It's like an alcoholic defending the drink or an abuser blaming the victim - the lines are always the same.
> 
> What we do know, is that usually (and hopefully), girls in your position finally see the light - it usually happens when he leaves you for another woman. You've been with him 6 months and he's already cheated on you, plus another girl is pregnant. I suspect you won't be dealing with him for too much longer, it is only a matter of time. Good luck and I hope one day you realize that it is not ok for a person to treat you like this. You are worthy of respect.

ITA with all three of these posters. They said it so well.

OP, I wish you the best and hope that you will soon see the light, stop making excuses for him, stop putting up with his deplorable behavior, and find someone who will treat you right. If you don't leave him, I pray with all my might that he cleans his act up before he hurts you or gives you a disease or something and before you two get pregnant. Oh how I pray for that.


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## tasha41

I don't understand the "I don't give up on love that easily" bit when you've been together 6 months, during which, his ex girlfriend has been pregnant... he has cheated on you & has given you an STD, you argue... you say you haven't argued in a couple of days?

I argue with my OH maybe once every 2 or 3 months :wacko: We didn't even start to have arguements TBH until we were together for 12-18 months.

Every poster essentially on your threads in WTT and Teen Pregnancy gives you the same advice, if you aren't going to listen and then just defend him against what we are saying... I just hope you don't end up learning the hard way


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## sleepinbeauty

I haven't read your other threads...

I hope you don't feel like we're we've all got in in for you or anything. We just want you to be safe and happy. Please take some times to think about it.



tasha41 said:

> I argue with my OH maybe once every 2 or 3 months We didn't even start to have arguements TBH until we were together for 12-18 months.

Yeah, us either. It's usually over within a few minutes. Sure, we can go longer but NEVER more than an hour or two. Days? I remember what that was like with my ex. I'll never be with someone like that again (even if I weren't engaged to my honeybun <3). MY ex routinely made me feel like *I* was doing somethign wrong and that he was trying to find "his" method to "cope". Horseshit. He was controlling me. We were together for almost 5 years. He cheated on me, lied to me stood me up (for holidays with my family, no less!). He once stood me up at HIS family party. I was there without him. I left him the next day.

We'd have fun but as time went on I began to hate him. It all started with his words then it escalated to him forcing me to have sex with him even though I didn't want it. I worked all week and he sat around and smoked up while I did. He's make me feel bad for being tired. I was always uncomfortable with his around. I just couldn't relax! He would always be pushing me past where I was comfortable.

He always carried knives with him. Always had to tell everyone how much better and stronger he was than they were. I was afraid of him in the end. I was afraid to leave him because I thought he would do something to someone because of the way he was.

Even now he will contact me on occasion and start in with me. At least now I know how fucked up he is. And you know what? No woman will ever change him. That's who he is. I didn't "give up on love". I got myself OUT so I could be safe.

I hope you get out too. Preferably before it gets to that point.


----------



## aliss

https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/269523-he-really-worth-update-pg-4-6-a.html
https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/297820-paternity-testing.html

Cheats on you, gives you STD's, treats you like crap, and you are willing to pay for a DNA test for HIS child with another woman because he doesn't make enough to do it himself? You are 18 & dating 6 months?

Good lord, you really need to take off the blinders. People don't even do things like that to people they hate.


----------



## plutosblue

aliss said:


> https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/269523-he-really-worth-update-pg-4-6-a.html
> https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/297820-paternity-testing.html
> 
> Cheats on you, gives you STD's, treats you like crap, and you are willing to pay for a DNA test for HIS child with another woman because he doesn't make enough to do it himself? You are 18 & dating 6 months?
> 
> Good lord, you really need to take off the blinders. People don't even do things like that to people they hate.

Wholeheartedly agree. After reading all that I have concluded he is a waste of fresh air. :nope:


----------



## sleepinbeauty

plutosblue said:


> aliss said:
> 
> 
> https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/269523-he-really-worth-update-pg-4-6-a.html
> https://www.babyandbump.com/teen-pregnancy/297820-paternity-testing.html
> 
> Cheats on you, gives you STD's, treats you like crap, and you are willing to pay for a DNA test for HIS child with another woman because he doesn't make enough to do it himself? You are 18 & dating 6 months?
> 
> Good lord, you really need to take off the blinders. People don't even do things like that to people they hate.
> 
> Wholeheartedly agree. After reading all that I have concluded he is a waste of fresh air. :nope:Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly.:nope:


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

Have you seen how bad he treats you? Would you really want a baby with this man?/ If he is like this 6 months into a realtionship then what is he goingto be liek two three years downthe line with a baby??

I would tell him to sling his hook you are better than the way eh is treating you and you can do so much better
xx


----------



## Lianne1986

i totally agree with all u ladies...
he treats u like crap then u stick up for him, 
it doesnt matter what u have been thru in the last 6 months months, hes treatin u like sumthing on the bottom of his shoe, 
he sounds like he needs to grow up a bit before being in a relationship or becoming a dad!!!if he isnt mature enuff to treat a women right i'd say he certainly isnt mature enough to b a dad!!

what would u say to ur best friend or ur sister(if u have one) if SHE was being treated like this???


----------



## Armywife

As with *Cornbread*, my hubby has seen a lot of bad things, mostly within the army. He has done 2 tours of afghan (as well as many other tours in other places) and seen people being blown to bits right next to him (including his best friend) he also had a difficult childhood but he has never taken it out on me or anyone he loves. He has shouted and ranted *TO *me - never *AT *me, there is a huge difference between the two. He was 'failed' as in he was given no support for a long time with his post traumatic stress disorder but he found himself the help that worked. He didn't just go to one session and then say, 'Oh, well i talked for an hour and don't feel better so it musn't work' he continued to go back until he found the coping method that _did_ work. The reason he says he did this? FOR ME AND OUR FAMILY. 

Sweetie, no one, (and i promise you this) is saying these things to hurt you or to get at your oh for kicks. The fact is, we know where you are like the back of our hands because we have all been there. The truth of the matter is, you felt bad enough at some point to post the original post and that is what you need to remember. I fear for girls like you, young, naive and totallly in love. The thing is, whether you believe it or not, you are in love with the idea of this relationship, not the reality or the boy in question. He is a child and seriously needs to grow up before he even looks at a baby. No one on this site wants you to turn around in a year and say, 'He doesn't mean to hit me, he doesn't even know he's doing it till its done. He's always so sorry, it breaks his heart when he realises what he's done' Believe me, with most men of this nature that is only one step away.

Please have a look at this link: https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-cl...ved-domestic-violence-june-7th-june-14th.html

I feel there is nothing else i can say but i hope you are safe and at least keep what has been said in mind xxxx


----------



## sleepinbeauty

^ She put it perfectly.

You should deffo check out the link provided.


----------



## Amygdala

I just read your other thread and I think if you REALLY can't see that this is not a healthy (nor loving or respectful) relationship then there's nothing anyone on here can say to make you realise that. It's so blatently obvious that he's bad news from the outside but I fear that for you things will probably have to get even worse before you see him for what he is. Just please please do not have a child with this boy. You can leave whenever you decide to do so but his child would be stuck with him as a dad for life.


----------



## carbafe

teeniestep the fact that you are posting threads asking us about your bf behaviour means you know the way he is treating you is not right. Otherwise why bother posting ? Please see all of these responses telling you to dump him as a sign that this is really not the guy for you. 

You say your making him sound like a twat - this is how I would feel when I told people about things my ex did to me. Believe me he IS a twat. 

You say you haven't fought in a few days - When I first stared to go out with my husband I said to him on a night out " This is so weird we go out and get drunk and never fall out or end up crying and going home" to which he looked at me with wide eyes because normal couples don't fight that often. Hubby and I will have cross words like "I told you it was in the kitchen" etc but we only have arguments every couple of months and even these are tame compared to the fights I had with my EX. 

Please read all of these posts and have the strength to leave him. You can never really change a man - you can perhaps change his small things like sense of dress - I am slowly getting hubby to wear shoes that match his outfit - but you can't change his personality.


----------



## Princess_LV

Armywife has really summed this whole thing up perfectly.

I think you have a case of "battered wife syndrome" teenie, have a look at what that means and I'm certain it will ring true. If you have a baby with this BOY (not man) you won't just be being silly, you will be being stupidly naive and selfish. You say in one of your other posts that you know that he will not take his anger out on his child... if he takes his anger out on YOU, which he clearly does, this will affect your child in a huge way. I'm not going to sugar coat this, he's a waste of space, and he cannot blame anyone but himself for this.


----------



## teeniestep

Me and him are over, i'm not going into details because i'm really hungover right now and got to get ready for work :dohh:. he was emotionally blackmailing me and obviously doesn't care about me :cry:
I NEVER drink but i was just necking alcohol last night and ended up stupidly drunk :shrug:


----------



## teeniestep

I hate to say it but you were right about him :cry:
Sorry if i seemed horrible in some of my posts ladies.


----------



## Lianne1986

teeniestep, i wish the best of luck in ur life, 
i dont really know wat to say but i didnt wanna read and run x


----------



## sleepinbeauty

Don't apologize sweetie. :hugs: It'll be ok. We're just so glad you got yourself out.


----------



## aliss

teeniestep said:


> I hate to say it but you were right about him :cry:
> Sorry if i seemed horrible in some of my posts ladies.

Of course we don't think you were horrible - a lot of us have been there. I *promise* you will look back and realize that this will be a good learning experience for you- now, you will see the signs (looking back) and know what to demand for yourself in the future.


----------



## Cornbread

teeniestep said:


> I hate to say it but you were right about him :cry:
> Sorry if i seemed horrible in some of my posts ladies.

I'm sorry you had to get hurt. :hugs


----------



## Dinah

Sorry to hear you got hurt but glad you are out - it was not a good situation at all. *hugs* hoping you feel happier soon and find a man who treats you like you deserve!

- Dinah


----------



## caz81

glad you have got out of that situation xx


----------



## carbafe

You didn't seem mean and like aliss said lots of us have been there. I hope you have some lovely friends who you can watch girlie films and eat chocolate with to help make you feel better. I know you are upset just now but soon you will be smiling again. Hugs.


----------



## plutosblue

Hun you didn't seem mean at all in your posts, and all I can say is some of us girls might sleep a little better tonight knowing you are out of there. Now you have the rest of your days ahead of you, even if it hurts, you will find someone who will make you smile and worship the ground you walk on, just as you will to him, it will be an equal partnership and you will be happy.

Many hugs :hugs:


----------



## wanna-b-mummy

You didn't seem mean at all hun, it can just be hard sometimes hear the truth. As they say, the truth is hard to swallow.
I promise you that you will look back and be so proud and pleased with this decision, he was no good for you. and had no respect for you. Now you can concentrate on making something of your life, and in the not so distant future, you'll have a lovely man who loves you and your own little family and you probably won't give him any thought... other than "Whew, was I right to give him the boot".

First boyfriends are always a difficult one to let go of, no matter if they're a bit of a twat. My first boyfriend... well I didn't even fancy him, lol. Like one of the girl's said earlier, I liked the "idea" of the relationship. He was irritating, about as manly as a tutu and extremely possessive. I stuck it out for 9 months and thought "But he's my first boyfriend, I don't want to give up". In the end, I dumped him and now I look back and laugh and wince at the whole thing.

Pamper yourself. Snuggle up in bed, watch some films and stuff your face with chocolate. The only sure fire way to get over a break up! PM me if you need someone to talk to :)


----------



## Armywife

I'm sorry you ended up being hurt. I know at the minute it seems like the worst thing in the world but i promise it is actually the best. It will take time to get over this and it will take a lot of strength and determination to resist going back there if he calls full of excuses and promises (which i suspect he will). Just remember what all these wonderful ladies have told you and how each of them are now happier than ever. Take strength and comfort from the fact that you have back up on b&b any time of the day, no one on here is offended or thinks you were nasty, we all know exactly where you are at right now.

You will find happiness because you are worth it, this boy will never be happy (nor will anyone he is with) whilst he continues to blame others and his past for his shortcomings. Good luck to you honey xxxxxx


----------



## teeniestep

I've spoke to my good friends who i met through him and they said it's totally upto me what i do but they even get miffed off and think the way he acts sometimes is out of order.
We spoke 'civally' before, we're not back together but i think me and him need to vent how we feel. I'm seeing him in the morning so i know what is going on.

Oh and girls as soon as work found out i was single two lads started flirting, it was quite funny :haha:


----------



## Cornbread

teeniestep said:


> I've spoke to my good friends who i met through him and they said it's totally upto me what i do but they even get miffed off and think the way he acts sometimes is out of order.
> We spoke 'civally' before, we're not back together but i think me and him need to vent how we feel. I'm seeing him in the morning so i know what is going on.
> 
> Oh and girls as soon as work found out i was single two lads started flirting, it was quite funny :haha:

Erm... you don't already know what's going on? I hope you can stay strong and not go back to him. You deserve better. No girl deserves to be treated like he was treating you.


----------



## sleepinbeauty

That's what I as going to say-- DO NOT GET BACK WITH HIM!!!!

Mine tried this tactic on me too. "Oh geez, I'm so sorry! I miss you. I'll be different." I didn't believe him. Good thing too--he's still doing the same crap he was doing when we broke up over a year ago. Pathetic.

How are you feeling?


----------



## teeniestep

I've not got back with him :happydance:
Went to see him and decided...
We're staying away from each other for now..
When i went though he said 'I love ya yano', :dohh:

Since i've been 'single' i've got a bit of interest from men that i work with :wacko:,


----------



## aliss

teeniestep said:


> I've not got back with him :happydance:
> Went to see him and decided...
> We're staying away from each other for now..
> When i went though he said 'I love ya yano', :dohh:
> 
> Since i've been 'single' i've got a bit of interest from men that i work with :wacko:,

Good for you. Remember that you do not have to see him or remain friends. Some people can stay friends with their ex but you have to hold them to the same standard as any other friend. A friend would simply not do the things he says and does. You are 18 and have all the time in the world to meet new people (including new guys!) to find out what you really want :)


----------



## teeniestep

I hadn't spoke to him since Wednesday till last night.
I went to see my friend who lives down the road from him, her sister seen two girls go into his house when he went outside. 
I was so angry :growlmad:

I rang him only to see if his phone was on and then he answered.
He told me that he had trouble with some girl, I asked why and he just said 'Doesn't matter'. 

MEN :growlmad:


----------



## anita123

it didnt take him long to move on!! u are so much better off without someone like him!! so go and enjoy urself with other new guys (ie: ur workmate :winkwink: )


----------



## teeniestep

So an update about me and my ex..
He told me to come round after college to speak so i did :dohh:
I went looking for him for an hour, I went to my friends down the road and rang him to ask him where he is 'I'm in mine, come down in an hour' I knew something wasn't right.
I knocked at his and his house mate answered and said 'He's not in', but he was. So i walked up the stairs and he was telling me not to go up and go for a walk, well i knew what was coming...
HE HAD SOME OTHER GIRL IN HIS ROOM! :growlmad:
And he had a dirty hicky on him, ewwww!
I went mental, was shouting at him and we argued in the middle of the street. He rang her a taxi and i watched her get in the taxi, let's just say she wasn't exactly stunning.
He instists that is just his mate and he didn't sleep with her, but he did sleep with someone else (the girl i thought he was cheating on me with in the first place), and she gave him the hicky! I went to town to calm down and on my way back I seen her, I went balistic! She's 20 years of age she should know better! :growlmad: and she ran away from me :wacko:
I'm speaking to him now, we're 'seeing each other' for a long long while! :growlmad:


----------



## aliss

If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room - save yourself whatever dignity you have left after this whole disaster and walk away! You are talking about attention from men now that you are single in one thread, yet going crazy at him over this~ you are going to come off as a loon if you don't cease contact and remove yourself from the situation!


----------



## teeniestep

aliss said:


> If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room - save yourself whatever dignity you have left after this whole disaster and walk away! You are talking about attention from men now that you are single in one thread, yet going crazy at him over this~ you are going to come off as a loon if you don't cease contact and remove yourself from the situation!

Oh ino :shrug:
I just don't know what to do, it's so hard to walk away.. 
He's my first ever love, first proper boyfriend and was my best friend.
I wish I was strong enough to be able to walk away...


----------



## aliss

teeniestep said:


> aliss said:
> 
> 
> If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room - save yourself whatever dignity you have left after this whole disaster and walk away! You are talking about attention from men now that you are single in one thread, yet going crazy at him over this~ you are going to come off as a loon if you don't cease contact and remove yourself from the situation!
> 
> Oh ino :shrug:
> I just don't know what to do, it's so hard to walk away..
> He's my first ever love, first proper boyfriend and was my best friend.
> I wish I was strong enough to be able to walk away...Click to expand...

Just take it one day at a time, delete his phone number and make plans with others...


----------



## teeniestep

aliss said:


> If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room -

It mattered to me, i won't go near anyone else and feel guilty for liking someone at work because i still love him. We were suppose to sort things out a couple of days ago and he promised he wouldn't go near any other girls for now because he wanted me and him to work.. :shrug:

He's admitted he's in the wrong, he doesn't want to be with me either right now because he's thought about how he use to treat me. :shrug:

Oh i duno anymore :shrug:


----------



## aliss

teeniestep said:


> aliss said:
> 
> 
> If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room -
> 
> It mattered to me, i won't go near anyone else and feel guilty for liking someone at work because i still love him. We were suppose to sort things out a couple of days ago and he promised he wouldn't go near any other girls for now because he wanted me and him to work.. :shrug:
> 
> He's admitted he's in the wrong, he doesn't want to be with me either right now because he's thought about how he use to treat me. :shrug:
> 
> Oh i duno anymore :shrug:Click to expand...

Well, if you are still trying to get back together with this guy, then I don't know what to say. Us girls here wish you the best but there is nothing that we can say or do that will show you how painfully obvious this man has robbed you of *all *respect and dignity - I don't think we can say much more than we already have. Good luck in the future.


----------



## Cornbread

teeniestep said:


> aliss said:
> 
> 
> If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room -
> 
> It mattered to me, i won't go near anyone else and feel guilty for liking someone at work because i still love him. We were suppose to sort things out a couple of days ago and he promised he wouldn't go near any other girls for now because he wanted me and him to work.. :shrug:
> 
> He's admitted he's in the wrong, he doesn't want to be with me either right now because he's thought about how he use to treat me. :shrug:
> 
> Oh i duno anymore :shrug:Click to expand...

I thought you decided you were done with him? 

I really don't think there's anything else that anyone can tell you to show you how poorly he's treating you and honestly, you're enabling it and allowing it. You are essentially telling him that you are okay with how he is acting and treating you, that you don't think you need or deserve more, that it's okay for him to tread on you. 

You. are. enabling. his. behavior. You are GIVING him PERMISSION to behave like he is. If you keep coming around, why the heck would he think he needs to change anything? You aren't showing any respect for yourself so why the heck would he think he needs to respect you?


----------



## Lilly12

Cornbread said:


> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> aliss said:
> 
> 
> If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room -
> 
> It mattered to me, i won't go near anyone else and feel guilty for liking someone at work because i still love him. We were suppose to sort things out a couple of days ago and he promised he wouldn't go near any other girls for now because he wanted me and him to work.. :shrug:
> 
> He's admitted he's in the wrong, he doesn't want to be with me either right now because he's thought about how he use to treat me. :shrug:
> 
> Oh i duno anymore :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> I thought you decided you were done with him?
> 
> I really don't think there's anything else that anyone can tell you to show you how poorly he's treating you and honestly, you're enabling it and allowing it. You are essentially telling him that you are okay with how he is acting and treating you, that you don't think you need or deserve more, that it's okay for him to tread on you.
> 
> You. are. enabling. his. behavior. You are GIVING him PERMISSION to behave like he is. If you keep coming around, why the heck would he think he needs to change anything? You aren't showing any respect for yourself so why the heck would he think he needs to respect you?Click to expand...

i second this!


----------



## sleepinbeauty

Lilly12 said:


> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> aliss said:
> 
> 
> If he is your ex then it doesn't matter who is in his room -
> 
> It mattered to me, i won't go near anyone else and feel guilty for liking someone at work because i still love him. We were suppose to sort things out a couple of days ago and he promised he wouldn't go near any other girls for now because he wanted me and him to work.. :shrug:
> 
> He's admitted he's in the wrong, he doesn't want to be with me either right now because he's thought about how he use to treat me. :shrug:
> 
> Oh i duno anymore :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> I thought you decided you were done with him?
> 
> I really don't think there's anything else that anyone can tell you to show you how poorly he's treating you and honestly, you're enabling it and allowing it. You are essentially telling him that you are okay with how he is acting and treating you, that you don't think you need or deserve more, that it's okay for him to tread on you.
> 
> You. are. enabling. his. behavior. You are GIVING him PERMISSION to behave like he is. If you keep coming around, why the heck would he think he needs to change anything? You aren't showing any respect for yourself so why the heck would he think he needs to respect you?Click to expand...
> 
> i second this!Click to expand...

Third!


----------



## Lianne1986

i cant believe ur even THINKING about being with this guy! after everything he has done, even if my husband treated me like this i wudnt hang around! we have a family etc so we wud lose a lot more! but i wudnt care about tht, i would walk away with dignity!! 
sorry is just a word to most blokes...i have been there in a nasty relationship for 5yrs, i was young i was with him from 15yrs til i was 20yrs, and yes it was hard to walk away with my son, but i HAD to do it!! 
so glad i did i am now a 23 yr old married to a lovely man!!!

Just Hope U See Sense...sooner rather than later!!!


----------



## anita123

aww hun u know in your heart u can do so much better than this guy!!! he does nothin only hurt you and lie to you!!! 
i think u need to be the strong one here and walk away!!! plus he has said he doesnt want to be with you!! u know _*u can do better*_!!! :hugs:


----------



## teeniestep

I know i should walk away, but it's easier said than done.
I love him, he's my first boyfriend and it's so friggin hard!
It hurts me to see him with anyone else, it hurts me to think he has been touching someone else, it hurts me that he was all 'lovey dovey' with someone else.
I care about him, I really don't want him to mess everything up.
I helped him so much, i was the only one there when he had nothing, no matter what i will still care about him.
I am a div for going anywhere near him again, i know i am. 
I've got the love bug.. :cry:


----------



## Lilly12

teeniestep said:


> I know i should walk away, but it's easier said than done.
> I love him, he's my first boyfriend and it's so friggin hard!
> It hurts me to see him with anyone else, it hurts me to think he has been touching someone else, it hurts me that he was all 'lovey dovey' with someone else.
> I care about him, I really don't want him to mess everything up.
> *I helped him so much, i was the only one there when he had nothing, no matter what i will still care about him.*
> I am a div for going anywhere near him again, i know i am.
> I've got the love bug.. :cry:

Read that over girly...
YOU helped HIM, whenever he didn't have anyone...not the other way around.
I think you're wanting to help him too much, while he doesn't seem to be wanting it.
You have to step out of the situation for a minute and re-read everything you posted on here, stop using your emotions and start using your brain girl!

Write down all the good things about being with him and all the bad things, break it down.
Care for yourself first, I know you don't care about yourself because you're with someone that doesn't care about you.
You want this so bad, because it's probably all you have, or all you know.
Sometimes you have to break out of the situation for your own safety, for your own health weather it's mental or physical health.


----------



## teeniestep

I HATE HIM, I FRIGGIN HATE HIM!
I'm in tears, he just admitted he's been seeing some other girl!
The fat cow i found him with in his!
I'm going to go mental, i'm getting a taxi down there and going to go mad!


----------



## Lilly12

why even go there and make things worse?
you're letting yourself go through all of this stuff, you know.
I think he already made the point very clearly that he doesn't want to be with you..yet you hold on to him.

Sorry it didnt work out the way you want to but as I said tons of times before, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, you're letting this happen right now.


----------



## aliss

teeniestep said:


> I HATE HIM, I FRIGGIN HATE HIM!
> I'm in tears, he just admitted he's been seeing some other girl!
> The fat cow i found him with in his!
> I'm going to go mental, i'm getting a taxi down there and going to go mad!

And what will that accomplish?


----------



## teeniestep

I went to see him, i was crying my eyes out in the middle of the street.
He had the girl in his room...
I love him and i feel so numb.


----------



## Lilly12

Love yourself first, then start loving others.


----------



## sleepinbeauty

You deserve better. :hugs: Hang in there. Time heals, I promise.


----------



## Cornbread

Lilly12 said:


> why even go there and make things worse?
> you're letting yourself go through all of this stuff, you know.
> I think he already made the point very clearly that he doesn't want to be with you..yet you hold on to him.
> 
> Sorry it didnt work out the way you want to but as I said tons of times before, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, you're letting this happen right now.




Lilly12 said:


> Love yourself first, then start loving others.

ITA with both of these posts. You've been telling him through your actions that you don't respect yourself and don't expect him to respect you or treat you right, so why would he start respecting or treating you right? People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Start demanding respect from him. Please note that I'm NOT saying go back to him, I think you need to cut contact with him completely, but if you have to have any contact with him, make him treat you right, insist on being treated with the respect that you deserve. You can make the choice right now to start respecting yourself and insisting that others treat you right as well but you have to stick to it.

Honey, you deserve so much more than what you're getting from him. Please stop torturing yourself. Cut all the ties you have with him. Stop seeing him. Move on with your life. I know it hurts, believe me, I know it hurts a lot. When my XDB dumped me I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. months later when I found out the girl he started seeing a week after he dumped me and had been talking to while he was with me, she was pregnant before he dumped me... I felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest all over again. I still get angry sometimes over how he treated me and the friendships I lost because of him. But, I moved on. I didn't think I would ever love anyone again, I didn't think I would ever feel like myself again, but I do. You CAN get over this, you deserve to get over this. It's not easy but you can do it and you can go on with life and meet someone better who will treat you like the princess you are. It'll probably take a lot of tears and anger to get to that point but that's okay, just don't keep letting him screw you over. It's pretty obvious that it's tearing you up, please stop adding to that by torturing yourself. :hugs:


----------



## sleepinbeauty

Cornbread said:


> Lilly12 said:
> 
> 
> why even go there and make things worse?
> you're letting yourself go through all of this stuff, you know.
> I think he already made the point very clearly that he doesn't want to be with you..yet you hold on to him.
> 
> Sorry it didnt work out the way you want to but as I said tons of times before, STAND UP FOR YOURSELF, you're letting this happen right now.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lilly12 said:
> 
> 
> Love yourself first, then start loving others.Click to expand...
> 
> ITA with both of these posts. You've been telling him through your actions that you don't respect yourself and don't expect him to respect you or treat you right, so why would he start respecting or treating you right? People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. Start demanding respect from him. Please note that I'm NOT saying go back to him, I think you need to cut contact with him completely, but if you have to have any contact with him, make him treat you right, insist on being treated with the respect that you deserve. You can make the choice right now to start respecting yourself and insisting that others treat you right as well but you have to stick to it.
> 
> Honey, you deserve so much more than what you're getting from him. Please stop torturing yourself. Cut all the ties you have with him. Stop seeing him. Move on with your life. I know it hurts, believe me, I know it hurts a lot. When my XDB dumped me I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. months later when I found out the girl he started seeing a week after he dumped me and had been talking to while he was with me, she was pregnant before he dumped me... I felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest all over again. I still get angry sometimes over how he treated me and the friendships I lost because of him. But, I moved on. I didn't think I would ever love anyone again, I didn't think I would ever feel like myself again, but I do. You CAN get over this, you deserve to get over this. It's not easy but you can do it and you can go on with life and meet someone better who will treat you like the princess you are. It'll probably take a lot of tears and anger to get to that point but that's okay, just don't keep letting him screw you over. It's pretty obvious that it's tearing you up, please stop adding to that by torturing yourself. :hugs:Click to expand...

^this.


----------



## teeniestep

He's come running back.
Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time :haha:

I'd like to share some of the texts..
Lissan ring me am going to get killed

U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...



Charming aint he :growlmad:


----------



## Cornbread

teeniestep said:


> He's come running back.
> Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time :haha:
> 
> I'd like to share some of the texts..
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> 
> 
> Charming aint he :growlmad:

I'm going to confess that I only understood a couple of phrases of what you said... can you (or someone) translate for a poor confused American?


----------



## Lianne1986

Cornbread said:


> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> He's come running back.
> Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time :haha:
> 
> I'd like to share some of the texts..
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> 
> 
> Charming aint he :growlmad:
> 
> I'm going to confess that I only understood a couple of phrases of what you said... can you (or someone) translate for a poor confused American?Click to expand...

Lissan ring me am going to get killed

U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...

i think it should say...

listen ring me i am going to get killed

u know what go to hell, you never cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and im going to get you killed u tit, see you in hell you fat slag, u make me sick


----------



## Cornbread

Lianne1986 said:


> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> He's come running back.
> Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time :haha:
> 
> I'd like to share some of the texts..
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> 
> 
> Charming aint he :growlmad:
> 
> I'm going to confess that I only understood a couple of phrases of what you said... can you (or someone) translate for a poor confused American?Click to expand...
> 
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> i think it should say...
> 
> listen ring me i am going to get killed
> 
> u know what go to hell, you never cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and im going to get you killed u tit, see you in hell you fat slag, u make me sickClick to expand...

what's a slag? what is "Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time"? Thanks. :)


----------



## Lianne1986

a slag is sum1 tht sleeps around with loadsa different men...
the other bit means...he tried to go running back to her but she was knocked for six in bed, i pressume she means she was ill in bed...
hth x


----------



## teeniestep

Cornbread said:


> Lianne1986 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> He's come running back.
> Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time :haha:
> 
> I'd like to share some of the texts..
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> 
> 
> Charming aint he :growlmad:
> 
> 
> I'm going to confess that I only understood a couple of phrases of what you said... can you (or someone) translate for a poor confused American?Click to expand...
> 
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> i think it should say...
> 
> listen ring me i am going to get killed
> 
> u know what go to hell, you never cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and im going to get you killed u tit, see you in hell you fat slag, u make me sickClick to expand...
> 
> what's a slag? what is "Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time"? Thanks. :)Click to expand...


A slag is someone who goes sleeping around.
And knocked for six means i was in a deep sleep :)


----------



## teeniestep

Lianne1986 said:


> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> He's come running back.
> Well he tried to put i was knocked for six in bed at the time :haha:
> 
> I'd like to share some of the texts..
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> 
> 
> Charming aint he :growlmad:
> 
> I'm going to confess that I only understood a couple of phrases of what you said... can you (or someone) translate for a poor confused American?Click to expand...
> 
> Lissan ring me am going to get killed
> 
> U no wat go to hell wher u ever cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and am going to get killed u tit see you in hell u fat slag make me sick...
> 
> i think it should say...
> 
> listen ring me i am going to get killed
> 
> u know what go to hell, you never cared about me u rat im glad we never lasted and im going to get you killed u tit, see you in hell you fat slag, u make me sickClick to expand...


Its suppose to say that he's going to get killed,...


----------



## Cornbread

Okay, thanks ladies.

OP, I guess it sounds like you're not taking him back? If that's the case, good for you.


----------



## anita123

See he is starting to show his true colours in those texts!!! He didnt get his own way ( ie- u were asleep in bed so you didnt answer his txts and he didnt like it!! so he goes on to call you names?! just shows what a child he really is!! Sounded like he was trying to put the blame on you if anythin happens to him but DONT let him make you feel like this!!! If anything happens to him its his own fault and no-one elses!! Like i said, stay strong and show him your not going to be walked over by him anymore!!! Show him you dont need him and that he cant upset you any more than he already has!!! 

If anything comes from this whole experience show everyone that it has made you a strong, independant woman!!! :hugs:


----------



## wanna-b-mummy

God, the guy sounds like an absolute tool. He'll wake up one day and find himself very lonely, with nothing to show for his life. I don't think anyone in their right mind or with one brain cell would even go near him for a relationship. I hope you do the right thing and stay away.


----------



## Lianne1986

Just goes to show tho...becuz in one breath he is sayin he's goin to get killed & hes crapping his pants wanting ur help then hes threatning to kill u....


----------



## sleepinbeauty

*Corn*--A few good word for slag would be slut, trollop, ho, etc... I don't think it was a "which form of English you speak" problem. Just a lot of txt speak. :)

*OP*--I'm SO glad you're staying away from him! Don't talk to him for any reason!


----------



## Cornbread

sleepinbeauty said:


> *Corn*--A few good word for slag would be slut, trollop, ho, etc... I don't think it was a "which form of English you speak" problem. Just a lot of txt speak. :)
> 
> *OP*--I'm SO glad you're staying away from him! Don't talk to him for any reason!

Thanks sleepin, sometimes I'm not sure which of the two linguistic challenges you speak of is the one I'm dealing with  However, I now have a new name to call people. I'm getting a whole education here!


----------



## FrothyBunny

Teenie - I hope that you find the strength to stay away from this moron for good, he's really not worth it, and you really really can do better. I know that the women on here will be here for you when you want to rant and rave and cry and get it out of your system

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## sleepinbeauty

Cornbread said:


> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> *Corn*--A few good word for slag would be slut, trollop, ho, etc... I don't think it was a "which form of English you speak" problem. Just a lot of txt speak. :)
> 
> *OP*--I'm SO glad you're staying away from him! Don't talk to him for any reason!
> 
> Thanks sleepin, sometimes I'm not sure which of the two linguistic challenges you speak of is the one I'm dealing with  However, I now have a new name to call people. I'm getting a whole education here!Click to expand...

:rofl:


----------



## teeniestep

FrothyBunny said:


> Teenie - I hope that you find the strength to stay away from this moron for good, he's really not worth it, and you really really can do better. I know that the women on here will be here for you when you want to rant and rave and cry and get it out of your system
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thankyou :hugs:

I really need to rant otherwise i'll end up sobbing my heart out again! Girls I really can't get him out of my head, i try not to love him and i try not to get jealous but i cant help it.I wish he felt the same way..:dohh:

On the plus side, i'm getting a bonus in work :happydance:
A mystery shopper rang my work and I scored 92% for my customer service. :happydance:


----------



## FrothyBunny

teeniestep said:


> On the plus side, i'm getting a bonus in work :happydance:
> A mystery shopper rang my work and I scored 92% for my customer service. :happydance:

That's really good news, just try and focus on the positive things that happen and day by day it does get easier, trust me most of us have been there and now we're happier for the experience and have learned from it


----------



## teeniestep

When will it get easier?
And when will i stop dreaming about him? :growlmad:


----------



## anita123

It will get easier hun!!! Just give it time!!! Please stay strong :hugs:


----------



## sleepinbeauty

Can't tell you that. It's different for everyone.

Do something to distract yourself. Pick up a new hobby, surround yourself in people you care about (and who care about you, of course!), buy a new video game....

:hugs:


----------



## Cornbread

I'm sorry you're still having a tough time, it can take a while to get over. It took me forever to get over my XDB after he screwed me over and I still have a tiny piece of my heart that is sad for losing the man I thought he was, but I'm happy that I found my DH who is a much better man. Just hang in there. Nobody can tell you how long it will take you because you're not bound to anyone else's experience. Your feelings are yours and you feel free to take however long you need to move on. :hugs We're all here for you.


----------



## mightyspu

it is 5 years since my ex and I broke up and I am still not truly over him. I have now met a wonderful man, who I love to the ends of the earth and would never swap in a million years, however, I am not over this other man. 

I don't love my ex and I don't want to be with him, but sometimes you can't get over someone. I think the problem is, he hurt me and I can never forgive him for that! 

You can however realise that it is not meant to be and sometimes even accepting that can be helpful. The moment that I realised that he wasnt going to come back it was a like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was a relief to not have to keep constantly trying to get him to love me. 

It's normal to dream about him, he was a big part of you life, but it can only get easier when you properly let go.


----------



## FrothyBunny

That was actually really helpful for me mightyspu.

I've recently been trying to figure out why when my ex and his wife are near me i just get really angry.

about 9 years ago he and her had an affair which she told me about because she thought she had cancer and could die. me and him deceided to give it another go and she disappeared from our lives (I had sent her an email asking why she'd done it and she accused him of forcing her). we split up 4 and a half years ago but he met her again and they got married, and for some reason i get nuts when they're near me, i don't love him and he was a real moron and physically abusive too, and i'm glad to be wll rid of him. Now i just wish i never had to see him again, but we still have mutual friends :dohh:


----------



## mightyspu

I'm glad I'm not on my own then! Sorry he was such an arse to you, I think the thing that makes me so cross is that he is now carrying on as if nothing happened when he broke my heart dammit! :haha: 

I think my problem is, I wanted him to hurt the way I did, and there's no way of enforcing that! I can't make him love me and then scorn him the way he did to me! So I don't like the thought of seeing him because part of me thinks he doesn't deserve to be happy!

We had other issues, thankfully he never laid a hand on me, or was unfaithful (that I know!) but my message to the op remains the same, you may never forgive or forget, but it sounds like you are much better off without this person in your life.


----------



## FrothyBunny

agreed


----------



## teeniestep

Thankyou for all the lovely advice...

I was stuck inside today and sorry girls i went to see him...
I'm glad I went to see him though, i managed to tell him how i've been feeling and how hurt I was. He told me the reason he split up with me was because he was sick of shouting at me, hurting me and was so in love with me that he couldn't do that anymore. There were a few tears and we both told each other that we miss being together. We're staying really good mates and will see how it goes from there.
I feel much better :flower:


----------



## sleepinbeauty

Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here. 

I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.

If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.

Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you. :hugs:


----------



## mightyspu

agreed ^^

I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.

What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.


----------



## caz81

teeniestep said:


> Thankyou for all the lovely advice...
> 
> I was stuck inside today and sorry girls i went to see him...
> I'm glad I went to see him though, i managed to tell him how i've been feeling and how hurt I was. He told me the reason he split up with me was because he was sick of shouting at me, hurting me and* was so in love with me that he couldn't do that anymore*. There were a few tears and we both told each other that we miss being together. We're staying really good mates and will see how it goes from there.
> I feel much better :flower:

I dont mean to sound like a bitch but if he was in love with you he never would have treated you like he does, thats just an excuse for his behaviour, if you really love someone you never treat them the way he treats you. Please see things for what they really are xx


----------



## Lianne1986

If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.


i agree completely...
teeniestep...
u said in recent threads that u hated seeing him with other girls...if ur only mates now, he will get another girlfriend, and where will that leave u then? 
stay away now before u get hurt even more!!!


----------



## Cornbread

sleepinbeauty said:


> Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.
> 
> I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.
> 
> If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.
> 
> Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you. :hugs:




mightyspu said:


> agreed ^^
> 
> I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"
> 
> If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.
> 
> What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.

I agree with both of these.

If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.


----------



## teeniestep

Cornbread said:


> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.
> 
> I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.
> 
> If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.
> 
> Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you. :hugs:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mightyspu said:
> 
> 
> agreed ^^
> 
> I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"
> 
> If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.
> 
> What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.Click to expand...
> 
> I agree with both of these.
> 
> If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.Click to expand...


He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him :shrug:. I've tried it aswell and wish i never did :nope:. 
I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak :growlmad:. We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing. 
This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show :dohh:
I have respect for myself and my feelings,...


----------



## mightyspu

teeniestep said:


> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.
> 
> I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.
> 
> If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.
> 
> Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you. :hugs:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mightyspu said:
> 
> 
> agreed ^^
> 
> I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"
> 
> If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.
> 
> What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.Click to expand...
> 
> I agree with both of these.
> 
> If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him :shrug:. I've tried it aswell and wish i never did :nope:.
> I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak :growlmad:. We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing.
> This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show :dohh:
> *I have respect for myself and my feelings*,...Click to expand...

Well good for you, however, do remember that you owe him NOTHING! Seems like karma may well be at play here! (for him!)


----------



## sleepinbeauty

*Mighty*--Right??


----------



## mightyspu

sleepinbeauty said:


> *Mighty*--Right??

It does have a tendancy to bite you on the ass doesnt it?


----------



## Cornbread

teeniestep said:


> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.
> 
> I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.
> 
> If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.
> 
> Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you. :hugs:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mightyspu said:
> 
> 
> agreed ^^
> 
> I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"
> 
> If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.
> 
> What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.Click to expand...
> 
> I agree with both of these.
> 
> If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him :shrug:. I've tried it aswell and wish i never did :nope:.
> I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak :growlmad:. We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing.
> This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show :dohh:
> I have respect for myself and my feelings,...Click to expand...

Have you considered that you both may need to try a different counselor? If you went with a secular counselor before, try one from a church, and vice versa. I have seen counseling (when done properly) be a huge help to my marriage and to others. Why not give counseling as much of a chance as you're willing to give him?


----------



## teeniestep

Cornbread said:


> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Cornbread said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> Don't apologize to us. It's only you that is going to get hurt here.
> 
> I don't mean to sound like a bitch but you owe him NOTHING after what he did to you. NOTHING. Not an explanation, not a check-in, not even the time of day.
> 
> If you can be friends, great. From my own personal experience (and the experience of others) I can tell you that I would be VERY surprised if he suddenly turned around. It sounds like he's still manipulating you. If he really loved you he wouldn't have treated you like that from the get go.
> 
> Like I said, I'm sorry to be a bitch but I really think you need to hear that. I hope everything comes out ok for you. :hugs:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mightyspu said:
> 
> 
> agreed ^^
> 
> I wonder the difference between "mates" and "really good mates"
> 
> If he were to get another girlfriend tomorrow, how would you feel? Are you ready to be able to let him get on with his life, or do you think you would be really upset? I am suspecting it is the latter, which is understandable, judging by how long you have been broken up.
> 
> What I am trying to say is, it's ok to be civil, but please be aware he is a manipulator, and there's every chance he could flutter those eyelashes at you and you'll be back to square one.Click to expand...
> 
> I agree with both of these.
> 
> If he loved you that much and just couldn't take doing that to you anymore and wanted to be with you, wh not get himself into some sort of counseling with a pastor or anger management classes or couples counseling or something of the sort? If he loved you that much and couldn't take treating you like that and still wanted to be with you, he could have.. I don't know... stopped treating you like that (he never should have started in the first place). I've got red flags going up all over the place over this for you. It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, in the form of being single but still keeping you on the line. He sounds like a manipulative douchebag and I really think for your own emotional well-being, you ought to distance yourself from him, especially while you're trying to get over him. It sounds VERY much like he's still trying to play you and I hope you won't let him.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> He's tried counselling in the past and it doesn't work for him :shrug:. I've tried it aswell and wish i never did :nope:.
> I spoke to a good friend of mine who i actually met through my OH, and she warned me to be more careful and not to be 'second best'. I'm going to speak to him later today, i'm worried about him. His new druggy girlfriend seems to be playing the game on him, using him because she knows he was weak :growlmad:. We're staying mates, and when i mean mates i mean i am not sleeping at his no more, having sex with him or no kissing.
> This would make a good Jeremy Kyle Show :dohh:
> I have respect for myself and my feelings,...Click to expand...
> 
> Have you considered that you both may need to try a different counselor? If you went with a secular counselor before, try one from a church, and vice versa. I have seen counseling (when done properly) be a huge help to my marriage and to others. Why not give counseling as much of a chance as you're willing to give him?Click to expand...

He really won't want to go, and to be honest neither do I :shrug:. I've tried a couple of counsellors and only one truly helped, and she was only my school mentor when I was 13/14. :shrug:


----------



## mightyspu

I don't see why the op needs a councillor. She's going through something fairly standard - a douchebag ex/oh. A lot of us have been there and not needed professional help. It will just take her time to realise what he is and get over this relationship. Or he may change, but I doubt that!


----------



## Cornbread

mightyspu said:


> I don't see why the op needs a councillor. She's going through something fairly standard - a douchebag ex/oh. A lot of us have been there and not needed professional help. It will just take her time to realise what he is and get over this relationship. Or he may change, but I doubt that!

I think HE needs counseling or anger management and if they were going to get back together I really think couples counseling would be a good idea.


----------



## sleepinbeauty

I think he need help PERIOD. He reminds me too much of my abusive ex-fiancé.


----------



## aliss

I don't really see this guy as a typical douchebag ex. Let's not forget he has given her an STD *and* still has another girl pregnant, amongst sleeping with others. And he has a girlfriend. I've seen some pretty bad relationships, but he honestly treats her worse than dog shit.

This is obviously going to get worse before it gets better. Teenie refuses to see this for what it is, and until she does, she is going to get hurt again and again and again.


----------



## sleepinbeauty

^ That was my point in a previous post. I hate to say it, but it's true.

*OP*--I hope you know we're not picking on you. We're just trying to get you to really see what you're involved in.


----------



## Cornbread

aliss said:


> I don't really see this guy as a typical douchebag ex. Let's not forget he has given her an STD *and* still has another girl pregnant, amongst sleeping with others. And he has a girlfriend. I've seen some pretty bad relationships, but he honestly treats her worse than dog shit.
> 
> This is obviously going to get worse before it gets better. Teenie refuses to see this for what it is, and until she does, she is going to get hurt again and again and again.

True. Douchebag was a poor choice of words on my part, it's a little too complimentary for him.

I especially agree with the last paragraph/sentence. Teenie, please understand we're all trying to help you see the truth and keep you from getting hurt more than you already have.


----------



## mightyspu

I don't think a councellor would help becausehe doesn't want t be helped. Neither does Teenie! I agree that douche is too nice a word for him, but this is public forum and we didn't want to offend others! I wouldn't be wasting all this effort on a 6 month relationship tbh!


----------



## Amygdala

mightyspu said:


> I wouldn't be wasting all this effort on a 6 month relationship tbh!

Agreed. Far more hassle than it can possibly be worth.


----------



## Lianne1986

Amygdala said:


> mightyspu said:
> 
> 
> I wouldn't be wasting all this effort on a 6 month relationship tbh!
> 
> Agreed. Far more hassle than it can possibly be worth.Click to expand...

i totally agree...if my husband treated me like this i'd be gone in a flash! and we have been together a lot longer than 6 months, have children etc, 

just hope the OP see's him for what he is before its too late!


----------



## mightyspu

Just think ladies, in your current (and I presume happy) relationships, what did the first 6 months entail? I did marry a pretty amazing chap, but here goes...

Upsides
Flowers 
Meals out
Support finding a job
Asked me to move in with him (very early I know)
Holidayed together
No arguement (to this day we have done nothing more than bicker) 
Lovely Christmas presents

Downsides
was not as good at cleaning the bathroom as me. 

As far as I can tell all he brought to Teenie's relationship was

Unfaithfulness
Constant rows
an STI
an unsincere proposal of marriage
Selfishness

Teenie my love, I do hope you don't think we are having a go, but you seem a lovely girl and he is not worth your generous nature.


----------



## teeniestep

Well i've spoke to his friend, we're all sitting him and his new girlfriend down tonight to basically tell them the truth. He's chosing drugs and her over the people who mean the most. I've had enough of the lies, the hurt and treating me like a complete tosser!. 
Girls i'm just so scared,.. i've got to go and get tested for STI's again and see if i come on my AF! I'm so scared to go through everything by myself from now on.


----------



## caz81

teeniestep said:


> Well i've spoke to his friend, w*e're all sitting him and his new girlfriend down tonight to basically tell them the truth*. He's chosing drugs and her over the people who mean the most. I've had enough of the lies, the hurt and treating me like a complete tosser!.
> Girls i'm just so scared,.. i've got to go and get tested for STI's again and see if i come on my AF! I'm so scared to go through everything by myself from now on.

please dont do that....just walk away with your head held high :hugs:


----------



## teeniestep

caz81 said:


> teeniestep said:
> 
> 
> Well i've spoke to his friend, w*e're all sitting him and his new girlfriend down tonight to basically tell them the truth*. He's chosing drugs and her over the people who mean the most. I've had enough of the lies, the hurt and treating me like a complete tosser!.
> Girls i'm just so scared,.. i've got to go and get tested for STI's again and see if i come on my AF! I'm so scared to go through everything by myself from now on.
> 
> please dont do that....just walk away with your head held high :hugs:Click to expand...

This is something i need to do, i need to know the truth! 
I can't walk away and not tell him that it's definately over and i'm never seeing him again. 
I'm packing his stuff as we speak,


----------



## aliss

He knows. He doesn't care.

Stop trying to prove that *you* are worthy enough for someone to turn their life around for you. I think it all comes down to this - you refuse to accept that someone doesn't care enough about you to change their life for you.


----------



## mightyspu

So despite saying "we're just friends", it's only now that you are packing his stuff? Am glad that at least his friend will be there too, he/she will hopefully give you support.

Why do you need to be tested for STI's again? is that just to check you are in the all clear? And when is your period due?


----------



## wanna-b-mummy

Hun I don't mean to sound mean but I think you're mad and I would probably put money on it that sitting him and his new girlfriend is going to cause nothing but hassle and arguements and there you'll be, at square one upset again. If you'd been with him for years and years and the relationship had once been perfect with romance and wonderful moments and you'd made a life together, then maybe spend some time trying to get through to him, but he has treated you like shit throughout a 6 month period. I think you should walk away, delete his number, cut all ties and just get on with your life without him and anything to do with him.


----------



## wanna-b-mummy

aliss said:


> He knows. He doesn't care.
> 
> Stop trying to prove that *you* are worthy enough for someone to turn their life around for you. I think it all comes down to this - you refuse to accept that someone doesn't care enough about you to change their life for you.

Sorry for the double posting but I agree with this 100%


----------



## Armywife

I honestly can not believe this is still going on. Teenie, he is making a fool out of you and every time you 'sit him down' or 'have a long talk' you are allowing this to happen. Every time you make an excuse for him you give him permission to hurt you all over again. He does not love you, he doesn't even like you. If he did he wouldn't do these things.

Right now you are kidding yourself, whether you choose to believe it or not. The ladies on here have been so supprotive and offered you some of the best advice there is and you are choosing to ignore it. 

He does not need to be told he is choosing drugs and this girl over everything else - he knows! He is making a conscious decision to do so! You don't need to tell him he will never see you again - just don't see him! It will not make the blindest difference. The best you will get is him crying (which will not be genuine) and telling you he will change (which he won't). He is taking the piss out of you good and proper sweetheart and you are allowing that to happen therefore you have to prepare yourself for the pain of one day realising that this boy has been playing you and laughing behind your back about it. 

The day will come when this has to stop, for your sake i hope you get a grip sooner rather than later. I hate to sound patronising but when you get a bit older and find a real man who you don't need to run around after and make 'plans' to get back, a man who treats you with respect and looks after you, you will realise just how stupid and blind you are being right now. 

WALK AWAY


----------



## mightyspu

^^well said


----------



## Lianne1986

yes well said...

in the 1st six months of being with my DH, i cried with happiness not because he treated me bad!

we also have been through so much together & beacuse of the way i was treated by my ex i am a much stronger person now & my DH knows everything & wudnt dream of hurting me emotionally or physically, 
thats what LOVE is, also love means respect & obviously ur ex doesnt respect u for not using a condom even tho he knew he could pass on STI'S,

Teenie i think u really should open ur eyes now & see him for what hge really is..u owe this "boy" nothing..not even the time of day!!


----------



## ooSweetPea

Armywife said:


> I honestly can not believe this is still going on. Teenie, he is making a fool out of you and every time you 'sit him down' or 'have a long talk' you are allowing this to happen. Every time you make an excuse for him you give him permission to hurt you all over again. He does not love you, he doesn't even like you. If he did he wouldn't do these things.
> 
> Right now you are kidding yourself, whether you choose to believe it or not. The ladies on here have been so supprotive and offered you some of the best advice there is and you are choosing to ignore it.
> 
> He does not need to be told he is choosing drugs and this girl over everything else - he knows! He is making a concious decision to do so! You don't need to tell him he will never see you again - just don't see him! It will not make the blindest difference. The best you will get is him crying (which will not be genuine) and telling you he will change (which he won't) he is taking the piss out of you good and proper sweetheart and you are allowing that to happen therefore you have to prepare yourself for the pain of one day realising that this boy has been playing you and laughing behind your back about it.
> 
> The day will come when this has to stop, for your sake i hope you get a grip sooner rather than later. I hate to sound patronising but when you get a bit older and find a real man who you don't need to run around after and make 'plans' to get back, a man who treats you with respect and looks after you, you will realise just how stupid and blind you are being right now.
> 
> WALK AWAY

I have just read back through all these posts and could not agree more with ^this one.^ I literally cannot believe that you keep going back to him after all that he had put you through. 

I honestly think that the only reason for this "sit-down" is for you to see if he will go back to you, plain and simple. I know it hurts. I know you still love him. I know that you know in the back of your mind that you'll never get over him. By no means am I saying to you that you will get over him eventually... there will always be a little piece of your heart that stays reserved especially for him, because he was your first love. I think a lot of women on here share my mindset on that. BUT! Just because he has that little piece of your heart does not mean that you should give him the rest of it, and not go forward with the rest of your life. 

I WAIT for you to be able to look back on all this crazy business when you have found a man that treats you the way a woman should be treated. I have a feeling it will literally be like night and day for you, and after going through what you have been with him, you freakin' deserve it.

I agree, WALK AWAY. Stop letting yourself continuously get sucked back into this hellhole of a situation. Like I said, you deserve better than that.


----------



## teeniestep

Well I went down after work, his GIRLFRIEND answered the door, her face was hilarious! She was really shocked! I asked him where the hell he had been bla bla bla, on my way out i went to his new girlfriend 'Get him to tell you the truth' she went off her rocker. 
Then all the arguments happened because he brought peoples names into it. 
Cut a long story short, i left him crying :happydance:
And I SPLIT UP WITH HIM! 
I'm so happy, :haha:


----------



## Amygdala

:shrug:
Well I hope for you that this is the end of this story now and that next time you'll pick a man who will treat you with respect.


----------



## Lilly12

Umm, you split up with him??
Weren't you just "mates" a few days ago??

I don't know how old you are but you sound very young, no disrespect. Please learn from this situation and don't let anyone take advantage of you anymore.
I do hope you realize what's been happening and that you're worth more than being treated poorly.


----------



## teeniestep

Lilly12 said:


> Umm, you split up with him??
> Weren't you just "mates" a few days ago??
> 
> I don't know how old you are but you sound very young, no disrespect. Please learn from this situation and don't let anyone take advantage of you anymore.
> I do hope you realize what's been happening and that you're worth more than being treated poorly.

I sound young? Well everyone says i actually acter older than 18 who knows me :shrug:
When I mean i split up with him, i mean that I told him that i never want to see or speak to him again. Before last night there was a chance we were getting back together, but now there is no chance. Not after all his threats and chosing someone who doesn't even deserve him over his friends.


----------



## mightyspu

Regardless of how old or young you sound, I am pleased you did it. You got your say in and ended it. I hope you have the strength to move on and stay true to your word. Well done!


----------



## Lianne1986

Lilly12 said:


> Umm, you split up with him??
> Weren't you just "mates" a few days ago??
> 
> I don't know how old you are but you sound very young, no disrespect. Please learn from this situation and don't let anyone take advantage of you anymore.
> I do hope you realize what's been happening and that you're worth more than being treated poorly.

i agree with this post!! 
teenie u are confusing me let alone urself, :wacko:


----------



## wanna-b-mummy

Lilly12 said:


> Umm, you split up with him??
> Weren't you just "mates" a few days ago??
> 
> I don't know how old you are but you sound very young, no disrespect. Please learn from this situation and don't let anyone take advantage of you anymore.
> I do hope you realize what's been happening and that you're worth more than being treated poorly.

I also agree with this.

Hope it's the end of all of it now and you can just get on with your life.


----------



## Cornbread

Armywife said:


> I honestly can not believe this is still going on. Teenie, he is making a fool out of you and every time you 'sit him down' or 'have a long talk' you are allowing this to happen. Every time you make an excuse for him you give him permission to hurt you all over again. He does not love you, he doesn't even like you. If he did he wouldn't do these things.
> 
> Right now you are kidding yourself, whether you choose to believe it or not. The ladies on here have been so supprotive and offered you some of the best advice there is and you are choosing to ignore it.
> 
> He does not need to be told he is choosing drugs and this girl over everything else - he knows! He is making a conscious decision to do so! You don't need to tell him he will never see you again - just don't see him! It will not make the blindest difference. The best you will get is him crying (which will not be genuine) and telling you he will change (which he won't). He is taking the piss out of you good and proper sweetheart and you are allowing that to happen therefore you have to prepare yourself for the pain of one day realising that this boy has been playing you and laughing behind your back about it.
> 
> The day will come when this has to stop, for your sake i hope you get a grip sooner rather than later. I hate to sound patronising but when you get a bit older and find a real man who you don't need to run around after and make 'plans' to get back, a man who treats you with respect and looks after you, you will realise just how stupid and blind you are being right now.
> 
> WALK AWAY

YESYESYES!!! He is not choosing drugs and the other girl over "everything that means the most to him" if you are throwing yourself in tere, because I think it's pretty obvious to everyone but you that you mean nothing to him.



Amygdala said:


> :shrug:
> Well I hope for you that this is the end of this story now and that next time you'll pick a man who will treat you with respect.

I'm not holding my breath.



teeniestep said:


> Lilly12 said:
> 
> 
> Umm, you split up with him??
> Weren't you just "mates" a few days ago??
> 
> I don't know how old you are but you sound very young, no disrespect. Please learn from this situation and don't let anyone take advantage of you anymore.
> I do hope you realize what's been happening and that you're worth more than being treated poorly.
> 
> I sound young? Well everyone says i actually acter older than 18 who knows me :shrug:
> When I mean i split up with him, i mean that I told him that i never want to see or speak to him again. Before last night there was a chance we were getting back together, but now there is no chance. Not after all his threats and chosing someone who doesn't even deserve him over his friends.Click to expand...

I'm sorry but in this situation, you're acting like... oh... 15 or so? You're behaving like a schoolgirl who is lovesick and can't accept the fact that her "relationship" is over. Running around chasing him like you have been is only making you look like a fool and makiing it clear to him that you can be treated like absolute crap, it makes it appear to him that you really don't have any standards because if you did, you'd be done with him and not chasing someone is not worthy of anyone's affections right now. You continue to set yourself up for failure time and again. Do you know how it makes you look to go to his place and try to convince him to leave his girlfriend for his ex? It makes you look like a clingy, needy, immature, jealous girl who can't stand to let go of her ex and has no self-respect. You are not setting yourself up for success with future relationships or with friends. Heck, here in the States, what you've been doing would possibly be grounds for a threat of a restraining order or harassment charges.

Until you stop behaving like this and truly LET HIM GO and move on, you're going to continue getting hurt. He does not deserve you or your attempts to "save him". You don't owe him anything. Let him go. Let him make his mistakes and quit worrying about him. Worry about YOURSELF. Do what you need to to fix YOU. Don't even THINK about dating again until you do because it would be unfair to the guy you're dating. Start taking the advice you've been given here by some very wise women, including some who have BTDT. Stop repeating history and learn from it.

It's time to let go. Say your goodbyes (so to speak, do NOT contact him again, in fact I think you need to block any means of communication he has with you so that he can't get in your head again) and move on. Quit stalking him and his girlfriend. Let them make their screwups. You're not going to keep them from it and in the process you just keep yourself open for more unnecessary heartache. It is obvious that he doesn't care about you and he doesn't want you and that you quite possibly never really meant anything to him so WHY keep going back to him? You have a choice to make and I really hope you'll make the right one and take care of yourself insttead of continuing to abuse yourself and let him abuse you and your kind heart.


----------



## mightyspu

^^ couldn't have said it better myself.


----------



## Lianne1986

Very very very well said Cornbread!!!


----------



## Lilly12

AMEN @ cornbread!!:thumbup:


----------



## Armywife

teeniestep said:


> Lilly12 said:
> 
> 
> Umm, you split up with him??
> Weren't you just "mates" a few days ago??
> 
> I don't know how old you are but you sound very young, no disrespect. Please learn from this situation and don't let anyone take advantage of you anymore.
> I do hope you realize what's been happening and that you're worth more than being treated poorly.
> 
> I sound young? Well everyone says i actually acter older than 18 who knows me :shrug:
> When I mean i split up with him, i mean that I told him that i never want to see or speak to him again. Before last night there was a chance we were getting back together, but now there is no chance. Not after all his threats and chosing someone who doesn't even deserve him over his friends.Click to expand...

I have to agree entirely with CORNBREAD on this one Teenie. You may 'act older' in the respect that you want grown up things (a relationship, baby etc) but the way you write, the decisions you make and the actions you take are those of someone much younger than 18 honey! I know that isn't a nice thing to hear at your age but when you get older and have seen a bit more of the world you will look back on this and likely cringe. I know couples who haven't had this much drama during a divorce! This is not a major life changing decision for you as you think it is, its the end of your first 'love' - everyone has been there and come out the other side. Ever heard the sayings 'I look at my ex and wonder what the fook i was thinking!' or 'I must have been pissed for the entire relationship with my ex' THAT IS WHERE THOSE SAYINGS COME FROM! You need to walk away and stop wasting your time. 

You really must put this boy to the back of your mind and forget his existence for your own sake and for ours!


----------



## teeniestep

Not to sound nasty, but this is my first proper relationship, a lot of my friends who are in 19, 20, 21 are lot more immature in the relationship sense than me. I've learnt from it and i'm moving on.


----------



## mightyspu

Good for you! :thumbup: lets hope the next one is a lot more deserving of your kindness!


----------



## sleepinbeauty

You don't sound nasty. The reason a lot of us are being so blunt is because you've had your head in the clouds and wouldn't hear anything we were trying to tell you. We were just trying to get you to listen.

I'm so glad you've decided to cut him out. Delete his number and don't talk to him anymore. If you have to drop off his stuff you should bring a friend with you, drop it off and leave right then.


----------



## teeniestep

UPDATE... 
Firstly thankyou girls for all your lovely advice...
It took me a couple of weeks to notice what an absolute rat he was.
On Monday I decided to have no more contact with him and that he was a complete waste of space :happydance:

He's living with his third girlfriend of a week... :rofl:
Shows how much of a loser he really is.

I'm concentrating now on doing things i've been meaning to do for months.


Thankyou so much :flower:


----------



## mightyspu

teeniestep said:


> UPDATE...
> Firstly thankyou girls for all your lovely advice...
> It took me a couple of weeks to notice what an absolute rat he was.
> On Monday I decided to have no more contact with him and that he was a complete waste of space :happydance:
> 
> He's living with his third girlfriend of a week... :rofl:
> Shows how much of a loser he really is.
> 
> I'm concentrating now on doing things i've been meaning to do for months.
> 
> 
> Thankyou so much :flower:

Brilliant news! I am so sorry he broke your heart, but pleased that you can look at him now and laugh! I believe you have to have gone out with a d*ckhead to really appreciate when a good one comes along! 

:flower:


----------



## Armywife

Brilliant, i really hope you stick to it and let yourself be happy! xxx


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## sleepinbeauty

I'm so glad you realized what kind of person he really is. It took me months to figure out my ex and then even longer to leave him (I was afraid of him). I'm so happy for you!


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