# TMI (picture) please please help!!!



## Kandl123

woke up this morning to this in my underwear. Signs of the start of a miscarriage or not? :cry: sorry if this is in the wrong place but I don't know where else to post it 

I'm 8 weeks pregnant


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## Sunshine14

It could go either way hun xxx can you get an early scan to see what is going on? Have you had any cramping with it?

Good luck hun xx


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## Kandl123

I've had no cramping at all. Will they scan me this early? On a Sunday? X


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## Sunshine14

No cramping is a good sign hun x fingers crossed for you.

I meant do you have an early pregnancy unit that you could contact when they are open to see what's going on. I'm in the UK and we can go to A & E or get a referral from our GP for an early scan.


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## mummof1

I really hope it's nothing for you . 
I can't believe how many miscarriages I have seen from first tri this month, including my own missed miscarriage now :(
Please update I hope it's a happy outcome <3


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## Natty_babez

Sending lots of hugs your way Hun. You can go straight to a&e if your worried or ring your early pregnancy assessment unit tomorrow morning and because your over 6 weeks they should see your straight away, I had bleeding with clots and no pain and unfortunately by the time I was 6 weeks and the unit would see me I had suffered a full miscarriage and on the scan there was nothing there but like another lady has said it can go either way. I've heard that some ladies suffer terrible bleeding and their babies are born full term and fine so good luck Hun 

How is the bleeding now ? 

Xxx


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## BunnyN

Bleeding isn't what you want to see but its not always the worst. I had spotting in 3 pregnancies. 2 of them were fine, one was the beggining of an early loss. Bleeding can be from the cervix or another place that doesn't effect the baby. At 8 weeks it should be quite easy to check out how your baby is doing on a scan. They might start with an external scan and ask to do an internal one if they need a better veiw.


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## Kandl123

Natty_babez said:


> Sending lots of hugs your way Hun. You can go straight to a&e if your worried or ring your early pregnancy assessment unit tomorrow morning and because your over 6 weeks they should see your straight away, I had bleeding with clots and no pain and unfortunately by the time I was 6 weeks and the unit would see me I had suffered a full miscarriage and on the scan there was nothing there but like another lady has said it can go either way. I've heard that some ladies suffer terrible bleeding and their babies are born full term and fine so good luck Hun
> 
> How is the bleeding now ?
> 
> Xxx

Bleeding is still the same, very light & having to wear a panty liner. 
I went to a&e and they referred me to EPU. They did some swabs to check for any infections ect. Felt my tummy and asked if there was any pain while she was doing so (there wasn't) She checked my uterus (which is still closed!) she said I haven't miscarried as of yet, but can't rule it out either. So I have a scan booked in for Tuesday to check baby. I wish it wasn't a bank holiday so I could be scanned tomorrow! X

I'm so sorry for your loss too :hugs: xx


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## Kandl123

BunnyN said:


> Bleeding isn't what you want to see but its not always the worst. I had spotting in 3 pregnancies. 2 of them were fine, one was the beggining of an early loss. Bleeding can be from the cervix or another place that doesn't effect the baby. At 8 weeks it should be quite easy to check out how your baby is doing on a scan. They might start with an external scan and ask to do an internal one if they need a better veiw.

Did you have any pain with either of the pregnancies you bled in?


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## mummof1

Sounds promising <3 keep us updated


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## Natty_babez

As long as it doesn't get any heavier hopefully everything will be ok Hun &#128516; mine got heavy within a few hours and I started to pass dark red clots but still had no pain. 

Fingers crossed for your scan Hun 

Xxx


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## BunnyN

Kandl123 said:


> BunnyN said:
> 
> 
> Bleeding isn't what you want to see but its not always the worst. I had spotting in 3 pregnancies. 2 of them were fine, one was the beggining of an early loss. Bleeding can be from the cervix or another place that doesn't effect the baby. At 8 weeks it should be quite easy to check out how your baby is doing on a scan. They might start with an external scan and ask to do an internal one if they need a better veiw.
> 
> Did you have any pain with either of the pregnancies you bled in?Click to expand...

No, I didn't have any particular pain at the same time as the spotting. 1st time it was at 7 weeks and was probably from a blood clot behind the placenta which later showed on scans. All went well though and the clot went away on its own after about 6 weeks. My other pregnancy it was at 16 weeks and I was otherwise fine. I think it may have been from the cervix that time.


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## Natty_babez

This may be a private question but have you dtd recently I've read that this can sometimes cause bleeding or spotting due to your cervix being sensitive xxx


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## Kandl123

Natty_babez said:


> This may be a private question but have you dtd recently I've read that this can sometimes cause bleeding or spotting due to your cervix being sensitive xxx

We dtd Thursday evening. But didn't start to lose any blood until this morning.. Which was brown. It's now red. So I don't think it would be that? I don't know. Fx :cry: x


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## Natty_babez

If it's brown it's old blood Hun, I don't want to say everything will be ok because none of us can say and with me so many people told me coz I had no pain it was a good sign when in the end it wasn't but try to stay strong I know it's so hard and heartbreaking and your probably feeling really rubbish at the minute but everything happens for a reason. How are you feeling in yourself ? In the back of my mind I think I knew something wasn't right probably mothers instinct and I had to wait a full week before I could have an early scan so I know first hand how scary and horrible it feels. 

One lady on here told me to talk to my little bean it helped to calm me down and did make me feel a little bit positive just try to think good thoughts and fingers crossed on Tuesday you'll see that little baba and everything will be fine &#128536;

Xxx


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## Kandl123

It's turned to fresh red blood now & seems to be getting heavier &#128546;. Like you in the back of my mind I think I know what the outcome is going to be. But I'm trying to stay positive too. I feel so down but there is nothing possible I can do. I just wish Tuesday would hurry up so I know what's happening either way :cry: xx


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## caz_hills

I'm so sorry that this is happening. Stay strong and I hope the bleeding stops x


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## Kandl123

Thank you everyone :hugs:


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## BunnyN

Hugs. Honestly it doesn't sound great but it is not without hope yet. Some women have heavy bleeding and bean is still okay. Limbo is awful. Hugs xx


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## mummof1

I hope it turns out okay<3


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## Vicky_92

Big hugs. It doesn't sound great but then again I've heard of women having bleeding and going to have full term pregnancy. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.


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## Natty_babez

How are you today Hun any changes ? My heart is going out to you right now this is nearly the same situation I was in

Xxx


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## Dana_Scully

I hope everything goes well for you! :hugs:


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## Kandl123

Natty_babez said:


> How are you today Hun any changes ? My heart is going out to you right now this is nearly the same situation I was in
> 
> Xxx

Horrible. Bleeding is starting to get heavy and I have bad lower stomach cramps. I know which way this is heading now :(. Thankyou so much for your support xx


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## Natty_babez

Aw Hun it really doesn't sound good BUT try to keep positive it could be anything I've heard of trapped blood and cysts. Are you passing any clots ? If the pain is really bad you can go back to a&e you shouldn't suffer Hun 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Blood is just dripping out of me now, had to come home early from been out as it soaked through my jeans with a pad on!. Heavier than any period I've had. Not had any clots yet but pain is horrible x


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## caz_hills

Oh Hun I'm so sorry :( stay strong x


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## Natty_babez

Can you not go to a&e Hun ? The heaviness doesn't sound good when I had my miscarriage I was heavy but not that bad but I was only 6 weeks at the time. They could also give you something for the pain 

Xxx


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## Vicky_92

I'm so sorry your going through this. I agree with natty_babez would you considering going to A&E don't want to scare you, but when I was bleeding heavy with this MC when I was waiting for my appointment with the EPC my doctor told me if the bleeding was to fill a pad within a hour to go to A&E.


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## Mrsmac02

So sorry you're going through this hun, hope you managed to get seen x


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## mummof1

I'm so sorry :(
If it is heavy enough to soak a thick pad every two hours you should go to the hospital .. I was just given all of this information for my MMC, starting the tablets tonight to induce the miscarriage. 
My OB told me to watch the bleeding , it will be heavy but if you're profusely bleeding through pads (she said every two hours) then something may not be right.
Hope it all ends for you soon.


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## Natty_babez

Any updates Hun ? I hope you and your little bean are ok xxx

So sorry for your loss mummof1 hope everything goes ok for you and goes as best as it can do &#128149;


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## Dana_Scully

I'm so sorry :( :hugs:


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## BunnyN

How are you doing? Hugs


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## Kandl123

Hello all. I went to a&e last night. I was filling a pad within 15 mins. Saw to me straight away. That's when I started loosing some clots. They took to up to EPU where a doctor examined me and pulled the rest of blood clots out along with tissue :cry: I'm heartbroken, I can't help but feel like it's my fault :cry: I lost my little baby. They're still scanning me later.. Why!? Where there should be a baby there will be nothing ;(. 
I just can't wait to go home... They kept me in as I had a lot of bleeding. 

Thankyou so much everyone for your wishes xxx


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## Natty_babez

I'm so sorry Hun it's so heartbreaking don't blame yourself though I still do even though I know deep down there's nothing I could have done to save my baby. Make sure you cry Hun don't hold it in or it'll make you feel worse xxxx

They might be wanting to do another scan to make sure you have passed everything naturally (I hate the way that sounds) hopefully you will have then you won't need to be messed with anymore. 

Thinking of you Hun xxxx


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## Kandl123

Yeah that's what they scanned for, there's still clots there but I've been allowed home. They've told me to wait 3 months until trying again, that feels like a lifetime. All I want to do is cry and cry. When I was waiting for me scan, some stupid nurse made me wait in the waiting room same as PREGNANT WOMEN! Why!? I just lost my baby and she made me sit there! Other than her I can't thank the staff enough for how they treated me. 100% xx


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## Natty_babez

I only suffered my miscarriage 2 weeks ago and we have decided to try again straight away I just feel that if my body is ready to fall pregnant again it will do and if not it'll happen when it's meant to so I'd say it's up to you Hun do what you feel is best for you and your body. 

I'm so sorry this has happened to you Hun my heart goes out to you I know how hard it is if you ever need to chat you can always message me Hun 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

We're both happy to try again straight away, but I'm scared of another mc. Think I'm going to wait until my first period then try. Did your hospital tell you to do a hpt after 3 weeks and ring them back with the results?

I'm so so sorry for your loss too, how far was you if you don't mind me asking? It frustrates me so much that people like us who want a baby have mc's but then people who don't "care" during their pregnancy have happy heathy babies :cry: xx


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## Natty_babez

No I didn't have anything like that I bled for about 5 days before the epu would even see me and then by then there was nothing to see when they did the scan id passed everything so they took some bloods to test my hcg and then I was supposed to go back a few days later for more to check my levels were dropping but they rung me and said my levels were 2 on my first blood test so there was no reason to go back and it was all over, it hurts to know I went through it all with no idea at all and all on my own (my other half works away during the week) and had to put on a brave face during the day for my little girl and then crumble into nothing at night. I was only 6 weeks but I loved that little baby the minute I found out I was pregnant. 

I think it's awful they made you wait in a room with pregnant ladies that must have been terrible I remember waiting for my scan and a heavily pregnant lady walked in and I just remember my heart dropping and me hoping so much that the scan would go well and that would be me a few months down the line !! 

I know exactly how you feel I think you go through a range of different emotions I was devastated at first then went through a really angry stage I've even fallen out with my friend over it (long story short she is married and has several affairs which her husband knows nothing about and then when the last guy ended it with her she must have had a guilty conscience and decided to try for another baby with her husband ..... She got pregnant first time and everything went well for her) it's just not fair that like you said some people don't care drink smoke take drugs cheat on their partners n couldn't care less really and they end up with no problems and then have healthy babies. I wouldn't wish anything bad on their babies but like my friend why can them people do bad things and not suffer in some way 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

I can't believe they didn't see you sooner. I really really feel for you that you went through it alone, no one should ever have to go through it never mind by themselves. I had my partner with me every second of it and I felt alone. So big :hugs: to you. 

I see what you mean with you mean friend, I don't think I'd be able to face her. I know she's your "friend" but she's got a heathy happy baby where she only wanted it "for guilt" reasons. Why are they the ones that live happily ever after? And people like us don't :cry: xxx


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## Natty_babez

My other half tried to get home he came home on the Wednesday but had to go back away on the Thursday so I took my mum with me when I had to go to the hospital for the scan. 

I haven't spoken to her she knows something is wrong but to be honest I don't want her in my life anymore the people who have been here for me the past few weeks are the ones I want in my life right now. As cheesy as it may sound as well though the ladies on here helped me through a lot as well all that week when I was awake through the night someone was on here to talk to. 

You just need to remember Hun that what you've been through is a big thing and give yourself plenty of time to grieve and get angry and sad and go through all the emotions also take care of yourself take it easy and rest your body is going through a big ordeal. How are you feeling today ? Did the hospital give you something for your pain 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Least he tried his best to be there with you, bless him. And least you was able to have your mum by your side at the scan. 

Yeah I see what you mean, you don't need people like that in your life. When you go though something like this, you find out who your true friends are and who you need in your life. This website is a godsend. It has helped me loads, this might sound cheesy too.. But you have helped me a lot too.. You've always replied and never ignored me. And you kept me positive when I needed to. So Thankyou for that :) 

Today, I just feel numb, I don't want to eat or drink and I just wanna cry and cry. I should of been at work today today but phoned in sick and told them I won't be on for the rest of the week. I wouldn't be able to face it. I'd just cry every time I saw a baby or a pregnant lady. 
Hospital gave me paracetamol and codeine. I honestly cannot thank them enough for how they was with me, except the one woman who sat me in that waiting room. 

How do you feel now, 2 weeks later? Xx


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## Natty_babez

Aw your more than welcome Hun a lady on here helped me through mine and I'm so glad I could help you I honestly think only women who have been through this terrible thing can really understand how you feel and what your going through and all the different emotions you feel xxx

I'm ok it still feels really raw some days and then other times I feel ok. I still cry a lot specially as we haven't told our little girl so she still thinks I have a baby in my belly and says and asks thing so that's hard but I think the thought of having a healthy baby keeps me going and it will in time do for you as well &#128516; 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Yeah, you can't truly understand it if you've never been through it. It's a horrible feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. 
Wow, you're doing well still keeping it together for your daughter. Mine asked about baby soon as she got home.. I just cried and I had to tell her. I had question after question after question but she understands and says she's sad. But I'm glad I've told her xx


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## Vicky_92

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby last Wednesday, I was only 6 weeks and only knew for 10 days I was pregnant but it felt like a lifetime and I loved my little bean so much. I'm nearly recovered physically but mentally that's going to take a while. I feel similar to you as in blaming myself and I can't say 'stop blaming yourself' when I'm doing it too. But I love this quote I read 'if love could of saved you, you would of lived forever'. 

Big hugs and again I am so so sorry.


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## Kandl123

No matter how far on you are, or how long you've known.. You still love your little bean with your world. You grow a bond with it. I only knew for 3 weeks but it felt like a lifetime and my world now feels shattered. 

I love that quote it's a beautiful saying :)

& im so sorry for your loss too :hugs:


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## Natty_babez

How old is your little one ? I didn't really know what to do for the best i didn't know whether to try and explain it but my other half just said she wouldn't understand and we can try again and she'd never know or understand how long it takes I feel awful coz whenever she asks about it I change the subject quick she has seen me cry a few times but I just said mummy's sad and needs a cuddle. 

That is a lovely saying Vicky I really like this one
An angel of life wrote down my babies


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## Natty_babez

Sorry the post sent before is finished !!

An angel from the book of life wrote down my babies birth and whispered as she closed the book and said to beautiful for this earth


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## Vicky_92

That's a lovely saying natty_babez. I love wee quotes.


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## Natty_babez

Me to they seem to help a little I could spend hours looking at them 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

My little one is 4 (born June 2011). She is a smart girl and she did understand.. I told her the baby had gone to "baby heaven" she asked why it's gone there, how it got to baby heaven, how they got it out of my belly, what did they put it in to send it to heaven.. They were hard to answer to be honest but I'm glad I told her. Rather than her ask about baby and put me through the ordeal of knowing there isn't one. She will still talk about the baby, but it won't be as hard on me now she knows. 

You're right, she won't know how long it will take but at the same time it will be hard on you when she asks about the baby. But whatever is best for you, if you find it easier to let her carry on how she is then keep it that way :). You know your own daughter and how she will take it/understand it. How old is she? Xx


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## Natty_babez

She's 4 also born April 2011 it is hard for me when she asks all the time I'm thinking it might be easier to just sit her down and explain that way I might deal with this better not having to dread her asking all the questions all the time and having to try and change the subject or lie to her which I hate doing. 

Is your little girl starting school this time ? My little girl starts next Monday and I'm so scared I'll dwell in my own pity once I don't have her keeping me on my toes all day 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

In my personal opinion id say tell her, I think it would make it easier on you. But you know your daughter well enough to make your own decisions. And you know what you can and can't deal with. It's not nice having to lie to them, I know. 
If you do tell her just be prepared for questions. 

Yeah she starts tomorrow, only half days though then starts all day next Monday. I feel what you mean, I'm dreading the exact same thing happening, so I really don't know what to suggest. I'd say keep busy, but there's only so much housework or whatever that we can do to keep our minds busy &#128542; xxx


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## Natty_babez

All I keep thinking is I teach her not to lie and that she can talk to me about anything but then I'm lying to her so it's double standards and not setting a very good example to her ... I am seriously considering it now to make it easier for all of us. 

My house is going to be spotless and my cupboards are going to be fit to bursting I'm even thinking of decorating anything to keep my mind busy !! 

How are you feeling tonight ? 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

But she doesn't know you're lying to her. I totally understand what you mean and where you're coming from (because you know you are lying although she doesn't) 
I also thought of it this way too to help me decide... What if when she starts school and tells her friends her "mummy is having a baby" that would be pretty hard on you. I'm not trying to get you tell her, as it might come across that way. 

I know I've thought about decorating too, anything to keep me busy. I work but only 16 hours so that doesn't cut it as I only do 2 days a week. 

Tonight, just the same as earlier really. Still feel empty and numb. I keep on having spells where I just sit and cry. Then I'm okay, then I'll cry again. Don't feel like talking to anyone except people on here, cause you all understand me. Caught up on eastenders tonight (last nights & then tonight's) that was horrible to watch, cried all way though it, but I just couldn't turn it off either :cry: xxx


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## Kandl123

I'm also having horrible cramping.. The sort of cramping I had when my mc started &#128542;. I wonder if it's the rest of the clots ready to come out.. The doctor did say there was a few left in me that will come out over next couple of days, that's why she prescribed pain killers. I just want all the pain to be over now, I feel like I've suffered enough xx


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## Natty_babez

That has crossed my mind she keeps saying I've got a baby in my belly I think telling her is going to be the best decision really now I've thought about it properly. 

I work but at the minute I've been signed off work which I'm glad about as I don't think I could cope being in work right now my head is just not with it at all I'm forgetting things and can't concentrate so I dread to think what I'd be like in work. 

Eastenders was heartbreaking wasn't it I watched it and cried all the way through my other half just had to hold me it was one of them were you just had to keep watching even though you know it's not helping. I've not been able to watch one born every minute though I usually love that programme but it would be to painful. You have absolutely suffered to much it is awful how the pain is just being prolonged and that it feels like it is being dragged out over days and every time you go to the toilet your reminded of it. I really feel for you Hun 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Let me know if you decide to tell her and how she is. I don't want to go into work with me been customer facing, babies/pregnant women or songs on radio will set me off straight away. And no one at work knows I was pregnant, which is pretty hard. I was waiting for my 22 week scan which should have been on the 23rd &#128546;. 

Eastenders was awful, I cried all the way through too... But yeah, it's one what you can't stop watching. Oh I wouldn't be able to watch it either, it makes me cry happy tears watching it normally.. Now id just cry sadness all way through. 

Yeah that's exactly how it is. You just think "hasn't my body been through enough without you giving me more pain and reminders" how long does the bleeding last? Cx


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## Natty_babez

I've not told her yet we've been busy today and she's a bit of colour so I'm gonna have a chat with her tonight I think I don't think we give her enough as I do think she'd understand and I don't want to lie to her anymore. 

I feel like my body is playing horrible tricks on me at the minute I've been having all the symptoms I had when I was pregnant before my miscarriage and the last few days I've had weird pains it's really confusing !!

Hope your ok today or atleast feeling a little better 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Let me know how you get on :). Any chance you could be pregnant? I know it's soon but you never know. I feel better today physically, only cried once. But physical I feel terrible.. Only been to get some food shopping and my abdomen is really hurting me. Hope you're okay xxx


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## Natty_babez

I think I ovulated over the wknd so there could be a slight chance I could be I'm to scared to do a test though I've decided to wait until I'm atleast 2 months late maybe and then do a test coz if I start to bleed then I'll just put it down to being a period as my miscarriage was just like my normal periods. 

Maybe you need to try and take it as easy as you can Hun did you carry anything heavy ? Have a lazy day tomorrow put your feet up and look after yourself ... As easy as that is with a 4 year old at home with you ha 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Have you done a test since you had your mc? I've been told I need to do one 3 weeks after to make sure it's all out of my system. If it's positive then to go back as something's not right. I do hope you get your bfp soon though :) and it's a sticky bean. 

And j don't plan on moving from sofa tomorrow. Except from school run.. She is on half day tomorrow so I get 3.5 hours to myself :) xxx


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## Natty_babez

No I haven't done one my HCG levels were 2 so the midwife said that means there are no pregnancy hormones so I didn't need to do a test. While I was going through my bleeding during that week I did a test only on a cheap eBay one and there was no second line at all that's when I kind of knew it was all over even though I didn't want to believe it at the time &#128546; I'm so hoping it is a sticky bean but I'm also petrified !! 

Give yourself a pamper Hun and make the most of them 3 and a half hours ... I'm gonna decorate next week I think my little girl is starting with full days straight away so need something to occupy my mind 

Xxx


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## Vicky_92

Thinking about you lots kandl :hugs: I really hope you start to feel physically better soon. Take it easy tomorrow. Sending you :hugs: too natty-babez I hope you get your rainbow baby.


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## Kandl123

This will probably sound awful, but when I do a pregnancy text.. Say a week or twos time I hope it says negative. Then I know I'm fully ok to TTC, that's it I decide not to wait a cycle. I'm getting too impatient. 

I know, as of Monday I won't know what to do with myself either.. Think a few days of rest then I might join you on the decorating. 

I really really hope it is a sticky bean for you and not your body playing tricks on you. You deserve to be happy after everything you've been through recently with your loss xxx


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## Kandl123

And Thankyou Vicky :), means a lot xx


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## Natty_babez

I understand that exactly Hun when you've been through something so awful you just want it to be over with I felt exactly the same once it was confirmed at my scan I just wanted the bleeding and everything to stop and when the midwife rung me to say my levels were only 2 I felt slight relief that my body had done all the hard work without me having to have any tablets or anything and that we can try again soon. I suppose someone just reading that and having not gone through the experience would think it's selfish or a horrible thing to say but until your actually in that situation they'll never really understand how it feels. 

Thank you Hun hopefully you'll have your rainbow baby as well and then we can swap bump stories and compare the good and bad pregnancy symptoms and all this will be in the past I don't think you ever really forget about it and I think I'll always think of the little baby we could have bad but it happened for a reason and it's definatley just made me a stronger person 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Glad you understand what I mean by it, it does sound horrible to say but it means it's finally all over, ok going to test once the bleeding has stopped. & no, no one will ever understand what a miscarriage feels like until they've been through it themselves. You think you know, but actually, you don't. 

No, I'll never forget this little bean, I'll probably always wonder why & wonder "would it have been a boy or a girl" too, that may sound daft but it's what I've asked myself a few times. But I can't wait until the day we can compare pregnancy stories and moan about anything and everything the pregnancy does to our body... Sore boobs/stretch marks ect. But every moan will be worth it in the end when we have our rainbow baby :) xxx


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## Natty_babez

I often sit wondering if it was a boy or girl and what they would have been like and looked like drives me mad one of the things that also plays on my mind is the thought that all the clots I passed during the week before my scan was more than likely my little baby and I didn't know so they just got flushed down the toilet ... I know there's nothing much more I would have done with them but it's just that thought !!

That is gonna be a good time I think when I fall pregnant again I will appreciate it a lot more I did in the first place but this time I'll cherish it a lot more and realise it really is a gift and a miracle ... I really wanted a boy but now I couldn't care less as long as they are healthy 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Yeah I often think that with the clots too. I only ever flushed one down yh toilet but it still hurts me to think about it. Al the rest, either the nurse looked at it to see what I was bleeding. And the others the doctor pulled out with what looked like pliers. 

I always said I wanted a boy too because we already have a girl. But like you as long as it's a sticky bean and a happy heathy baby I couldn't care less what th sex is xxx


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## Vicky_92

I refuse to let myself think about 'if it was a boy or girl' etc. it's just too hard. I really hope we all get our rainbow babies soon xx


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## Kandl123

I wish I could do the same Vicky but I just can't stop myself from thinking the way I do. & I hopE we all do too, we deserve it!


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## Vicky_92

I know it's difficult but when I start to think like that I get up and do something even if it is cleaning lol, just something to take my mind off it. Thank goodness for being at work, even tho I do work with babies and children, I'm too busy to think which I like to be honest. :hugs:


----------



## Natty_babez

I try my hardest to not think about it and no matter how many times I'm told it wasn't my fault I can't help blaming myself I just hope the feeling will get better soon !! I find night time is the worst time when my little girl has gone to bed and I'm on my own 

Xxx


----------



## Vicky_92

I find night time hard, because I can't distract myself. But day by day I am noticing it is getting a tad easier. And being on this wonderful site really helps. Thank you ladies :hugs:


----------



## Natty_babez

Everyone on here is so lovely specially the people in this bit they all know exactly how the others are feeling 

I don't know if this link will work but I've just broke my heart to this song it's so lovely 

https://www.facebook.com/kierancannon1/videos/957042620996485/


----------



## Vicky_92

That is just beautiful. Thank you natty-babez. I agree, we are all on the same journey and I know through this site that it will get better :hugs:


----------



## Kandl123

That song is beautiful. Definitely brings tears. I know I find night time hard too once little one has gone to bed, but saying that I just haven't even been able to bring myself to play with her today :cry: she knows what's up though, she did to me earlier "are you crying because baby died mummy" and I said yes. She gave me a cuddle and tidied up all her toys shed played with and said "I'll go to bed now mummy" at 4 year old she's looking after me. So just tucked her in bed. Bless her. Just been to the toilet and passed a clot with white stuff in :cry: as if I don't feel rubbish enough already. I wish the bleeding would just stop. 

Hopefully in time we will all feel a little better xxx


----------



## Vicky_92

Ack kandl God bless her wee pet. Your post brought a tear to my eye. :hugs:


----------



## Natty_babez

I love music it really helps me in times when I'm low or sad and also when I'm happy. Me and my other half are getting married in 18 months and I'm enjoying finding some lovely songs for that. 

Aw that is so lovely of her bless her children are so clever I was upstairs getting upset last week and my little girl came up and said mummy don't be sad and gave me a big cuddle .... I've still not got round to telling her about the baby yet she's not mentioned it for a day or 2 so I'm hoping she's forgotten but I know I'm going to have to tell her before school on Monday I don't want her saying anything to anyone and me having to explain. 

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Yeah music helps you through all sorts. I like the saying that goes "when you're happy you enjoy the music, but when you're sad you understand the lyrics" because it's so true. 
Aww that'll be nice to keep you busy, planning for your wedding.. So much to look forward to :). 

Aww bless her, it melts your heart when they're like that doesn't it. So cute. She won't have forgot, maybe she's picked up on your emotions and that's why she's not mentioned it? They may only be small but they are smart! In my opinion like I said to you in an easier post, it might be better on you because someone saying "congratulations" to you would break your heart. My little girl has already told one of her friends that "mummy's baby has gone to baby heaven" (I'm friends with her mum, but she didn't know I was pregnant.. Was waiting until 12wks to tell people) and she mentioned it to me today "our *** has been talking about a baby you had that's gone to heaven" so clearly kids talk about these things! I just told her then about it. It hurt but not half as much as it would hurt for someone to say to me "congratulations" for me then to explain I had a miscarriage.. If that makes sense xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

That saying is so true there are songs that the words remind me so much of what we've gone through recently n then in the past and also the love I have for my little girl and my other half I'm so soppy like that haha. 

I know your so right I just think it's so hard to sit down and kind of re live it all it would have been easier to tell her when it first happened but either way I'll tell her this weekend and my other half is home tomorrow so might be easier with him to help me as well I'd hate to have someone congratulate me I think it would just make me cry there and then !! Were you strong when you was telling your friend today ? Children are so clever and do pick up on the slightest thing I don't think I give my little girl enough credit really 

Xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

Feeling slightly angry .... Gone on my Facebook and some girl I'm friends with who is pregnant is complaining that her baby is moving to much !!!! I know I'm overly sensitive at the minute but come on what I and no doubt lots of other ladies including us would give to have that feeling 

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

It will be hard to do and it will probably make you cry, but it will probably be for the best in the long run. I was strong while I was out on the school run, but I won't lie soon as I got home, I cried. But if I got a "congratulations" of her thinking I'm pregnant id break down there and then and probably wouldn't even be able to tell her straight away. 
They are very clever little people, I don't think I give mine enough credit either but when I think back to situations I realise how bright she actually is. 

And reading that last one, it made me blood "boil" don't know it made my insides angry. How can you complain your baby is moving too much!? Least he or she is showing they're active and healthy and you know they're okay. Think she'd be complaining more it little one was hardly moving at all. Some people don't know how lucky they are to have a happy bouncing baby in their bellies! If it was me, I'd of probably put a sarcastic comment with way I'm feeling at the moment xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

I did it this morning !! I did cry but then the questions I got made me giggle .... She wanted to know how it got to heaven and why it had gone to heaven but then asked how it got there so I said daddy gave me a seed and put it in my belly and it grew a baby like he did with you so then she said has he got a lot of seeds and can she have one haha it made a horrible conversation really funny in the end !!! I think she understands and I just said hopefully there will be another baby that isn't poorly in my belly soon and she said she understood I'm just waiting for more questions to come now I do feel better now she knows though. 

It took everything in me to not comment or even delete her it just made me sooooo angry still makes my blood boil now when I think about it

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Aww she asked exact same questions as my little girl did. And we used same reason about a "seed". Did you get the question of "how did it get out of your belly to go to heaven"? That one stumped me. But it does make you smile doesn't it how intrigued they are about it :). Glad you feel better now, bet it feels like a weight off your shoulders. 

Yeah makes my blood boil thinking about it, doesn't know how lucky she is. I wish I could have the feeling of constant movement in my belly, and feet in my ribs xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

Yeah I was so stuck with that one I just said it was really poorly so an angel came down and took it out of mummy's belly and took it up to heaven with her so when it's night time there will be an extra star in the sky now and that's the baby. She has been poorly at the beginning of the week so then she said well I've been poorly does that mean I'm going to heaven so it back fired on me ... I just said she wasn't going anywhere and that baby was very very poorly and had something wrong with it so that's why it had to go to heaven. She keeps saying she wants some seeds now and has daddy got a lot to give out haha if I don't laugh I'll cry she's so funny !!!

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Aww what a cute way of explaining it to her :). She sounds a bright little girl with a good understanding. 
Looks like daddy better get some seeds then doesn't it haha, I think someone is excited to be a big sister :) xx


----------



## Natty_babez

She's asked her grandad today if he has some seeds haha this could be a new thing now !!! She is really excited that's what broke my heart thinking I'd let both her and my other half down even though I shouldn't think like that and I haven't. Daddy needs to hurry home with his seeds haha

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Don't ever think like that. You haven't let no one down. It wasn't your fault, and you shouldn't think that way either. It's an evil part of life that happens to 1 in 4 pregnancies, unfortunate to us it that it happened to us. 
I can't wait until OH can start making seeds again :haha: but at the moment sex is at the bottom of my want to do list :( xxx


----------



## Vicky_92

I done the deed last night for the first time, wasn't too bad! But I only done it for my partner I felt bad for him because it has been a while.


----------



## Natty_babez

It was the last thing on my mind when my miscarriage first happened so that's totally normal I've heard some women get really emotional as well when they do eventually dtd after everything has died down. 

My other half is taking me away tomorrow night I'm hoping this will take my mind of it all even if it's just for a night

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Oh I've made sure OH knows he'll be having nothing until my body is ready to dtd. Only reason why I would want it at the moment is purely for a baby, but I'm still bleeding anyway so it won't happen/ but I'm definitely going to wait a cycle first before we start trying. 
Did any of you two get emotional the first time after your mc? 

Aww that will be nice for you to get away for the night. Is it just the two of you too? Hopefully it'll take your mind off things and you can have a nice night together without all the stress and heartbreak xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

I'm sure he understands as well Hun my other half did he waited for me to be ready but like you I so want my rainbow baby I was ready to start again once my bleeding had stopped and I was feeling better .... I think you'll just know when your ready Hun and until then your other half will understand &#128512; I was quite lucky I didn't feel emotional I do feel scared though which is why I am trying my best not to do any tests or get my hopes up about anything at all right now if it's meant to be it will be and the not knowing is fine with me I'm just treating myself as if I am trying so eating all the right things taking my folic acid tablets and no drinking any alcohol I want to give this sticky bean the very best start from the minute it is hopefully conceived. 

His sister has a caravan so we're just going there for the night with them it'll take my mind of everything and will be nice to just get away from the same 4 walls for a day and spend some time with family I know it all can't be forgotten but we all just have to take one day at a time and hope for the best don't we 

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

He said he understands so that made me feel a little better. Once these 3 weeks are up and I no the pregnancy text.. Which I'm praying so much it says negative then I'm going to start taking my folic acid too, eat healthier (don't feel like eating anything at min) drink more water... Hope my period doesn't take long in coming then start trying after af had been. I wish I could do same as you and start straight away, but j know id be obsessed with testing, and wouldn't be able to stop myself. This way, I'll know my if my af is late as they've always been like clockwork on a 28 day cycle. 

I hope you enjoy your night away, yes it will be very nice for you to get out of the house and hopefully enjoy yourself. I have work today and I am dreading It :( xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

I do feel like I want to test but I'm also terrified of bleeding again so I keep thinking (and I don't know whether it's a good idea or not) if I leave it by the time I've missed a period or 2 I could be quite far along so passed the time when I bled this time and if I do bleed I'll just put it down to being my normal period. I think if I fell pregnant it would be harder to date this pregnancy as I don't know if you count my first day of mc bleeding as day 1 but that means I also might get an early dating scan fingers crossed. 

How do you feel about going back to work ? What do you do Hun ? Just take it one step at a time I'm sure your boss or I'd hope your boss would understand. Let me know how it goes and good luck will be thinking of you

Xxx


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## Kandl123

That's why I'm waiting until I've had a period to start trying so they can date me properly. With the pregnancy I lost I had implant out and no period Inbetween so they couldn't give me an exact date. She just went on when I had my implant removed. And I was never offered an early scan. 
Do you think you could go all that time though without testing?

I felt okay about work at first, but I got to the car park and broke down. I lasted 50 minutes and walked out. No explanation or nothing. The people who was in today don't know anything. (Only told one of my duty managers & she's not in today) I could lose my job. But fingers crossed I don't xxx


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## Natty_babez

What you've been through is a massive thing so f*** what anyone else thinks you need time to get over it I'm sure your boss will understand Hun and if they don't then your better of with another job were they do. Could you not go to the doctors and get a sick note for a few weeks so you won't have to worry about losing your job and that way you've given yourself enough time to grieve as well. 

I think the mc scared me so much that I'd rather not know I know that sounds awful but I don't know how I'd cope if I had another mc so soon after. Don't get me wrong I'm dying to test but purposely not got any in the house and will try to resist not to buy any

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Yeah I know how you mean, maybe it would be for the best then. It'd be awful going through another one knowing. I hope you do get your rainbow baby soon though

I think they'll understand, I'll see what gets said when I'm next in. But I have rung up saying sorry. And she was actually okay about it on the phone. I'd love to be able to have a few week off, but I can't afford to. I only work part time so wouldn't get no sick pay.. And I have bills and what not to pay :(
Xx


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## Natty_babez

I'm hoping I get a rainbow baby soon to I'm dying to do a test but will resist fingers crossed you'll get yours soon as well &#128516; 

Aah yeah that's a point I'm quite lucky I've been with my employer ages so I get so many months full pay and then it drops to halfy full pay finishes in Novemeber so I have a few weeks to decide what I'm gonna do

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Just keep away from those pregnancy tests whenever you go shopping! Haha. I'm sure if you really want to wait you'll resist. 

I've been with my employer 8 years but get nothing :dohh:.. What you get for working for a company that's tight with money.

How was your night away?
Ccc


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## Natty_babez

I've got some cheap Amazon ones but I think it'll be to early to test now but I'll try try try to resist the temptation !! I feel like some of my symtoms have gone I've still got a bad headache but my boobs don't feel sore or anything anymore so I'm thinking it was all on my head. I've downloaded a free app called fertility friend on my I phone and it charts everything it seems really good. 

What do you do as a job Hun ? I'm quite lucky with my employer I've been with them nearly 9 years so get sick pay and then it drops to half pay before it goes to nothing. My boss isn't very nice but the company is fab. 

My night was really nice it was nice to have a catch up with my sister in law and her husband and little girl and no one mentioned the mc which I'm thankful for 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Maybe they were symptoms of ovulation or your af coming? Or maybe it could be pregnancy. Either way my fingers are crossed for you. I'm going to have a look at that app now and download it myself, I was thinking of using ovulation kits but I've no idea how they work :dohh:

As a job, I'm a supervisor in retail. Not the best of jobs but it works around my daughter. Least you have a good company behind you and you know you've all the time you need to take until you feel ready to go back

Glad you enjoyed your night away, maybe it's what you needed. To get out of looking at same 4 walls and some adult company :)
Xxx


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## Natty_babez

It's a good job Hun better than not having one at all &#128516; fingers crossed they'll be ok with you and understand your situation anyone with any kind of heart would be silly not to !! 

The app is really helping me once your period shows up I bet it'll be easy to see when you'll ovulate and get that special rainbow baby you deserve &#128151; I think I ovulated last weekend so my period will be or should be coming soon I'm just hoping she won't show but I think maybe the symptoms were showing that it's on it's way arghh just trying to not let myself get stressed out about it as I know it'll happen when it's meant to be 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

I'm off to doctors tomorrow to get a sick note to cover me for last week, although I won't get paid it'll shut some people up I work with. But I won't be letting the doctor out real reason why I've been off.. I'll ask her to put "medical issues" or something along the lines. 

Could be pregnancy symptoms, could be the witches symptoms.. But I really hope it's the first one for you. I just wish my bleeding would stop and I wish my period would hurry up and come (never thought I'd hear myself say that!). No don't stress yourself although it's easier said than done. Take it steady, and try stay calm. When your body is ready it will happen. Which for you, I hope is very soon :), you deserve your happiness xxx


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## Natty_babez

Yeah that's a good idea Hun it's no one else business !! When do you have to be back in work now ?

Aw thank you Hun that's lovely I'm hoping you get your af and then you can start trying again to would be lovely to be pregnant at the same time &#128516; just dropped my little girl of for her first day at school n I'm a mess haha luckily there was a little girl she already knew so she was fine but I miss her already it's to quiet 

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

I'm currently sat in doctors now waiting to be seen. I'm back in work tomorrow. Not looking forward to it still though. Every time I leave house I feel like everyone is staring at me thinking "that's her that had a miscarriage" :dohh:

It would be nice, compare pregnancy symptoms and notes and bumps :). How you feeling been home alone? You plan to do anything today or not? Either way I hope you're okay, least you know your little girl is happy and making lots of new friends :) xxx


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## Natty_babez

How was the doctor with you Hun ? I have bad anxiety so always feel like that it's horrible isn't it it does get easier though I've tried my hardest to keep busy and not think about missing my little girl today and also didn't want to stop and sit still coz then my mind would wander to my mc again. I'm gonna have the cleanest house around at least haha !! 

She's had a fab day at school though she said it's loads better than nursery so that's a good sign 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

She was brilliant. She asked me how I was and how I felt. I told her exactly how I felt. She asked about work, and it I wanted more time off. I said I do, but I need to go back. She's told me she doesn't think I'm fit for work yet and signed me off until Friday. & yes it's a horrible feeling &#128542;

It's quite hard to keep busy all the te isn't it, only so much housework we can do. Definitely going to start decorating soon haha. 

Glad she's had a good time. Was she tired when she got in? My little on was fast asleep on sofa for 6pm :haha: xxx


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## Natty_babez

That's good atleast you've got a few more days of just use it to relax &#128521; how's your bleeding is it stopping ? 

My little girl was so tired I managed to keep her awake till bedtime coz I knew she wouldn't sleep at night for me if she fell asleep before bedtime so took her to the park haha she said she loved it though and keeps asking is it time to go now just hope she carries on liking it ha. Did your little girl have a good day ?

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

It's pretty much come to a stop now yes, just spotting. Finally!

Aww, bless her :) what time does she normally go to bed? They'll probably be tired for first few weeks until they get used to it. Glad she likes it, it makes you feel so much better in yourself doesn't it when you know they enjoy it, rather than having to force them to go. My little girl also enjoyed it thankyou, I knew she would though as all through the holidays she kept on asking "how many more sleeps until school mummy" :haha: xx


----------



## Natty_babez

Oh that's good hopefully it will stop then you'll get your AF and then be able to start all over again eek exciting times ahead !!! 

She's normally in bed for about half 7 but last night she went to bed at 7 and tonight asked to go to bed at quarter to 7 haha she must be knackered .... Aw bless her we've been doing the counting sleeps last week she was so excited and when she woke up this morning the first thing she asked was an I going back to school today lets hope they still want to go after a few weeks time fingers crossed 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

I can't wait for my AF to come, never thought I'd say that! Haha. I did a pregnancy test this morning too.. Was advised to do it on 21/9 but I was curious. And it was a BFN! And it made me happy as my af might come sooner than I thought! Weird how a few months ago I'd be heartbroken at a negative, but this time I'm happy. 

Aww bless her, school is definitely tiring her out then isn't it. Sounds like she's definitely enjoying it though. It's all new to them though isn't it, making new friends and socialising. But yes, I hope the like for school continues too 
Xx


----------



## Natty_babez

Haha it's crazy isn't it in a way I want mine to arrive and then I know everything is working again but then also wanting my rainbow baby !! 

My little girl seems to have made a little friend already which I'm happy about yesterday and today she wouldn't go in school without her they were so cute walking in holding hands made me want to cry ha. 

How are you feeling in yourself now Hun ?

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Hardest part waiting around isn't it either for af to come or bfp with out rainbow baby. 

Aww that's so cute bless them both, least you know she's happy and making friends :)., seems like she's really enjoying it. 

To be honest, I'm feeling much better in myself now and I think I'm ready to go back to work tomorrow. Ive started eating now too, more than just the one small meal a day I was having anyway. 
What about you? Xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

That's fab news Hun take each day at a time I find I have some really good days and then just when I think I'm ok I feel rubbish for a day but I over think things loads which I shouldn't do !! Apart from that though I'm ok just keeping myself busy while little one is enjoying herself at school and taking it little steps at a time .... I have a doctors appt on the 22nd of this month to talk through some things so I'll see how that goes and then think about going back to work again

Xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

How are you feeling Hun ? Xx


----------



## Kandl123

Hello :). I'm feeling loads better thankyou.. It's done me a whole lot of good going back to work to be honest. Feeling abit sad today as I would of been my scan day tomorrow :(. Still waiting for af to turn up, but she's not showing any signs of coming just yet!

How are you? You back st work yet? Xx


----------



## Vicky_92

Hey kandl just saw your post popping up... and was actually just thinking about you. Glad you feeling better and work is easier. I'm the same AF has showed either I'm in the TWW tho xx


----------



## Kandl123

Aww thankyou.. How you feeling Vicky? Ohh, how long have you got to wait until you test? I hope it's a BFP for you xx


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## Vicky_92

No problem :). I'm getting, good days and bad days but mostly good days &#128512; My app is saying 2 day's although I tested the other day it was a BFN. Thank you x


----------



## Natty_babez

I'm not to bad thanks Hun still not at work my boss wasn't very supportive so I'm trying to find a new one before my sick pay runs out .... I was due on last Tuesday and now I'm a week late but that's just going of the first day of my bleeding of my mc was the first day of my period if you get me. 

Been to see the doctor today and she's hopeful I'll get pregnant again soon and has said wait till next Tuesday when I'll really be 2 weeks late and then do a test so fingers crossed !!

So glad your ok Vicky xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Glad you're having more good days than bad, always good to hear :). Well my fingers are crossed for you it's a positive! Just because it was negative the other day doesn't mean it'll be negative in two days. 

I can't believe your boss wasn't supportive of you, that's awful. You'd think he/she would support you, you've gone through one of worst things anyone could ever go through. Ohhh my fingers are crossed for you too then, I hope you get your bfp you deserve!

I know I said I was waiting for af to come to try again but we ended up dtd unprotected tonight (tmi? Sorry haha) soooo fingers crossed something may come of it. Even though I have no idea where I am in my cycle at all cxx


----------



## Natty_babez

How good would it be if we all got our bfp's this time !!! Fingers crossed for us all eek

Yeah my boss wasn't supportive at all so I've applied for a couple yesterday and just gonna keep looking every day and sure something will come up soon 

Xxx


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## Kandl123

It'd be great wouldn't it :). 
Well my fingers are crossed for you, that you get another job. I can't believe how they are been, especially if you've worked for company w long time too xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

I did a test this morning and it was negative &#128546; I don't think I've even ovulated though I've had all sorts of different cm one day it'll look like I am and then the next I'm completely dry ... Just have to keep trying and see how I get on !!

Signing up to slimming world today I'm sure losing some weight and eating healthier won't hurt our trying 

Xxx


----------



## Natty_babez

Any news with you both yet ???

My other half came home with a puppy Thursday night we had talked about getting a dog but not said a definate yes he is gorgeous though and is keeping me on my toes !!

I've still not had a period yet and not done a test since I'm dying to do one again but don't want to waste it 

Xxx


----------



## Vicky_92

I got a BFP :happydance: I'm terrified though


----------



## Natty_babez

Congratulations Hun that's fab news &#128516;&#128516;&#128516;fingers crossed everything will go well this time eek how exciting xxx


----------



## Vicky_92

Thank you. Hopefully FX


----------



## Kandl123

Hiya, I've finally had af, was very heavy for 2 days, barely anything there on the third. So we're now officially TTC :happydance:, so if I'm right, I'm due to ovulate on the 9th October. 

Aww what puppy have you got? & when you thinking of testing? I honestly don't know how you've held back so long, you've done well. Vicky got her BFP after a mc with no af.. So maybe you're as lucky as her & you might get yours too &#128522;

Xx


----------



## Natty_babez

:happydance: Ooohhh and so it starts how are you feeling are you excited? Nervous?

I've still not had a period yet and done one of my cheap amazon tests last night and it came back BFN so now I'm getting annoyed more than anything I just wish the wicked witch would arrive if she's going to so I know my body is back to "normal" and we can start trying because at the minute it just feels like I'm in limbo not sure if I am pregnant not sure if I've already ovulated it's all a big mess AND my other half is working away now for 2 weeks so if I do ovulate while he's away we've no chance for this month ... arrgghh feeling so frustrated !!!

He's so cute he's a 12 week old Maltipoo our little girl called him Teddy it's just like having a little baby in the house obviously a very hairy one but still similar haha

I'm so excited for you both fingers crossed something will happen for us now one way or another !!

xxx


----------



## Kandl123

I'm abit of both to be honest, so excited to start but nervous too for incase, I either don't get pregnant or I do & something will happen. 

Give it a few more days and test again, you never know. Either way, I hope you get your BFP or if the witch decides to come, I hope she holds off for at least another week for you, least then you have a chance of trying. Have you tried using OPKs or anything to try track ovulation?

Aww, gorgeous dog and your little one has picked a lovely name for him too :). 
Yeah fingers crossed we get our rainbows soon 

How you getting on with work/looking for another job? & has your little one settled fully into school now too? 

Xxx


----------



## Vicky_92

Good luck ladies :). I might have got my BFP and I know I'm extremely lucky... But I'm terrified &#128546; I'm convinced I'm going to lose this one too xx


----------



## Kandl123

It's only natural you're going to be scared. And I know it's easier said than done, but you need to stop thinking that way. You'll torture yourself if you keep thinking like that. Before you know it, you'll be seeing a happy bean wriggling about on screen, and you'll have your rainbow before you know it :hugs: xx


----------



## Vicky_92

Ack kandl thank you :hugs: I know I shouldn't think that way but I really can't, it's impossible. I've a doctors appointment on Monday I'm going to beg them to take my blood and see if the HCG numbers are ok. And beg for an earlier scan if not I'm going to pay for a private one... I'm going out of my mind.


----------



## Natty_babez

Good luck for Monday Hun I'm sure everything will be ok and hopefully they'll give you an early scan to put your mind at ease a little I think your always going to worry though when you've been through something like this though. I'm so excited for you tho xxx

I think my AF is on its way I'm spotting so atleast now I'll know when I'm definatley ovulating and can try properly !!

Xxx


----------



## Kandl123

Good luck for today Vicky! Let us know how you got us :)

& glad your body is finally getting on track for you, did your af turn up or are you still spotting? Fx for you

Xx


----------



## Natty_babez

Excited to know how you've got on &#128516;&#128516; xxx

It's disappeared I had spotting then nothing today at all

Xxx


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## Kandl123

Oooo, could it be implantation bleeding!? It do another test &#128513; xx


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## Kandl123

How you feeling natty? Any updates? :)

And hope you're feeling okay too Vicky, I know it's a silly thing to say.. But hope your feeling as good as can be, I'm thinking of you :hugs:


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## Natty_babez

Hi ladies

Well AF came so now I'm back to the start but atleast if I do fall pregnant they can date it properly now

How are you both ????

Xxx


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## Natty_babez

How are you both any updates??? 

xxx


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## Kandl123

Hello, I'm good thanks yourself? And as for me, I got my bfp on 23/10 &#128513;&#127881; I'm soooo happy!
How about you? Any news? Xx


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## Natty_babez

Aw congratulations hun that's fab news how far gone are you? How are you feeling?

I've not had anything :( I am due my AF today and so far no signs of it but not getting my hopes up I think maybe this is going to be a long hard journey for me !!

xxx


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## Kandl123

I'm 5+2. And I'm feeling fine thankyou, but seem to be getting stressed out so easily for no reason at all. :(

Have you not tested if you're due today? I wouldn't be able to hold back if I was late. Fx crossed for you xx


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## Natty_babez

AF arrived &#128532; I'm struggling with my emotions so much right now !!! I feel like everyone is getting pregnant and I'm just hear I get so jealous when I hear about people having their babies and getting pregnant I feel so awful &#128546;&#128546; 

I'm losing myself and who I am to these terrible emotions and still hurt like I had my miscarriage yesterday 


Xxxx


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## minnie1990

Natty_babez said:


> Sorry the post sent before is finished !!
> 
> An angel from the book of life wrote down my babies birth and whispered as she closed the book and said to beautiful for this earth

Natty_babez. That's beautiful... Can I ask how your coping with the loss. I've just recently had a mc, after speaking with the doctor again, I was about 5-6weeks. Knowing I had this little bundle of joy growing in ne was the best feeling ever... Then I started bleeding and got cramps in my stomach and lower back was aching... My doctors wouldn't give me an appointment until a week after, by this time the mc was well and truly on the way and I knew it... This has left me heart broken.. my partner wouldn't talk about it but tonight he admitted how it was hurting him too... This has made me have self doubts as to why this happened... Was it my fault, what could I have done etc... Do you have any coping methods? 
I'm truly sorry for your loss xxx


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## Natty_babez

Hi Minnie

I'm not coping very well &#128546; I thought it would get easier and it has slightly but the pain is still there but I think it always will be. I have gone through a range of emotions in the last few months and right now it's the horrible jealous emotion and sadness right now. If I see a pregnant lady specially one that is complaining which a lot of them have been I feel intense anger and have to walk away otherwise I'd say something really nasty to them and if I hear of anyone falling pregnant I feel so much sadness and jealousy over it and just don't understand why it can't be me what did I do so wrong. 

The 2 lovely ladies in this thread suffered miscarriages around the same time as me and have both got their bfp's now which is brilliant news but I can't help wishing I was joining them 

The sadness does get easier Hun but I don't think it ever goes away you will always remember that little lost bean. 

It's really good your oh will talk to you my oh doesn't really


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## Natty_babez

.... Talk the only thing he has said to me is that I am hurting more than him as he is finding it hard to understand as he didn't see a scan or I didn't have a bump to see so in his eyes even though it was real it didn't seem real to him and he's just glad if it really had to happen then it did while I was only a few weeks not a few months 

Xxx


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