# Support Group failed IVF/ICSI IUI or any failed assisted conceptions 2014



## Inky2006

Hi, just wanted to start a thread for anyone who has failed IVF/ICSI this year just as abit of a support and to discuss ways of moving forward, with lots of positivity. Also, tips on finding PMA. Obviously if anyone wants to add a success story that would be great after 1st or 2nd failed attempt or more.

Just abit about myself. I am 34, very nearly 35. DH and I have been trying to concieve since October 2008. We found out at the beginning of this year husband has a sperm count of 3million with virtually all abnormal everything. Fortunately I am okay. Roll on September 2010 and 1 failed IVF/ICSI. The emotional toll this has taken on me has really hit me by surprise. Anyhow, am determined to move on and look towards the future. So please join me. 

In order to make myself feel better the first thing I have done is book myself some pampering activities. What have others done?

June 2011
Just wanted to edit this and let you know I'm pregnant now. 21 weeks infact. I eventually got pregnant on the second round with frozen embroyos. There is not one day when I don't forget the journey that I have experienced. Its still quite raw. Despite being pregnant, everyday throughout this pregnancy I am scared. Also I think we spend such a long time wanting a baby that when we are pregnant alot of us can't enjoy it. This makes me sad.

Anyway, when I created this thread I was unbelievably low. It helped me a great deal. It also helps to know you aren't alone in the world. I gained great comfort from other people's strength. I hope others will continue to get support like I did. Bye for nowxx


Just an update again. February 2012

I havent been on bnb for a while. I just haven't had time. Harriet Georgina was born on the 30/10/11 weighing 7.7IBS. She was delivered by emergency c-section and she is now nearly 4 months. Just wanted to edit this thread and change the date because I still haven't forgotten the support it I gained from it. I hope you too will get support from it. xx

Update 2014

Now have a second icsi child who is 6.5 months old. After Harriet I ended up with an underactive thyroid and raised natural killer cells. I had steriods in this pregnancy. Of you failed ivf/ icsi keep going. Also suggest you get tested for natural killer cells as this can impact on embroyo implantation. We got there in the end, and what a journey, wishing everyone luck, this page really helped me!


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## Inky2006

This is meant as a support group so please reply.


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## MrsF

heya Inky, 

didn't wanna read n run - I'm just about to have my 2nd round of IVF. i think this will be a really good thread, and i shall come and visit if i'm second time unlucky x x x x


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## silarose28

Hi Inky

Good idea for a thread. I have just had an ICSI cycle cancelled due to poor response - I only got 1 egg!!! I am 37 so time is running out for me. I had my first round on the NHS but am paying for my next round as I have to wait 6 months for my next NHS one - even though the first didn't even go ahead!! I just don't have time to wait that long and am going to appeal against that decision.

This whole thing is just truely horrendous! I am trying to take things a bit easier in work and to be healthy to keep myself going. Tryng to stay positive is so hard at times xxx


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## TrixieLox

Great idea! As you know, hubby and I just did ur first round of ICSI, all went well but then I got my AF! So now it's all over.

We've been trying for 3 years. Hubby has amazing sperm (!) but I have a low follicle count (usually about 7 found) and thin womb lining. 

We're gonna speak to our FS in a week or so, then look at an NHS-funded round in the New Year. Not sure what after that. We're coping okay but I wonder if I'll fall apart this weekend?


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## MissMonty

Hi Inky

Sending you big :hugs:

DH and I have had both a failed fresh ICSI cycle and failed FET this year :cry: I understand how difficult and crap this journey is :hugs:

Arranging some pampering sessions is a great idea, DH and I went on holiday after our failed attempts, just so we could spend quality time together and have some fun.

Somedays I find I cope ok but then other days I feel like everything is a total nightmare, we just try to plan nice things to do at the weekends, a trip to the cinema, a drink in a village pub - I find planning stuff like this helps me stay a little positive.

We've just started down regging today for our 2nd fresh ICSI cycle - self funded this time, what are your options for future treatment? xxx


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## JaniceT

Hi ladies, just wanna wish all of you a safe and quick recovery, and a hopeful positive during your next try.


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## MummyIwanabe

I will join, I know how heartbreaking it is when it fails - something us ladies should not have to experience seeing all we go through to get what should happen naturally!

I'm currently on my 2ww for the second treatment and feeling doubtful.

Time heals a little bit and then focussing on the next treatment really helps to move forward.


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## Inky2006

Oh thank you everyone what a great response, I have just got in from work so thought would check. 

Mrs F - I really hope it works for you this time. If it does come back and let us know - because successes give hope. If not come and commiserate.

Hi Silarose - I know how you feel - I have to wait a further 6 months for NHS treatment as well. It leaves you in abit of a LImbo. I think you get so pumped up with the process you want to start again quickly. I feel as if the sands of time are running out for me also. Although everyone reassures me they are not it just feels like that.

Miss Monty - I really hope it works for you this time, got my fingers crossed. It is crap isn't it. For the past week I have been crying like there has been a death. It feels like a bereavement. Today I am back to my old self again. My husband told me last night he wanted me back (the woman he married) so resolved to try and move on and be positive. Sounds like you and your husband have done some nice things together. Me and my husband have rejoined the gym - so hopefully we can do some bonding in the running machine together. LOL.

Janet T - thank you and congrats - it looks like you went through it to get to where you are now - so you really appreciate how we all feelx

Hi TrixieLox - I know I have followed your story and you always seem so positive - I think will be good if you can get NHS funding as you rightly deserve it. Don't give up just yet - I have heard lots of stories like yours with happy endings. I'm not giving up. 

Mummy - you will get your baby this time - I am sure of it. Thanks for the support.

Thank you all for replying and over the coming weeks hopefully we can support each other and spur each other on. 

As for me I have just gotten in from work. This weekend I am going to the theatre. I did contemplate cancelling because yesterday could not stop crying (really glad I have stopped today ) This is quite out of character for me and my mum was really worried. My husband just didn't know what to do. He is lovely. Anyway, the tears have stopped and I feel like I am moving in the right direction. xx


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## sallycat

Hi can I join too? Feeling the need for support.
I've just found out I miscarried. 2nd go at ICSI and shocked at how devastated I feel.
Am taking time off work to grieve and get back to normal. I keep changing my mind about trying again...its so hard.
You never know though...maybe next year..when I'll be 41!!!
xxx


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## silarose28

sallycat said:


> Hi can I join too? Feeling the need for support.
> I've just found out I miscarried. 2nd go at ICSI and shocked at how devastated I feel.
> Am taking time off work to grieve and get back to normal. I keep changing my mind about trying again...its so hard.
> You never know though...maybe next year..when I'll be 41!!!
> xxx

So sorry for your loss sallycat :hugs::hugs:

Look after yourself - you are in need of TLC xxxxx


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## emptywombinwa

Hi i would like to join youre group. I am 27 and my fiance is 34 after all of our testing he was found to have a high sperm count without any problems. They only thing they found with me is a thin endometrium lining. After 5 failed IUI attempts :wacko: I recently tried my first cycle of IVF and found out yesterday that it did not take. I have never felt so devestated in my life. On top of that my cousin who did not know what i am going through called me and told me she is pregnant for a second time.

I am now left to wonder do i try a second time.


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## MrsJA

Hi girls,

Firstly sallycat, I am so so sorry for your loss honey:hugs:

I hope you guys don't mind me posting here - I think it's a great thread and I just wanted to add my support.

I was quite shocked at how hard my IVF failure in June hit me... I don't think I was fully prepared for it. I thought it would be like any one of the other numerous BFN's I had already had. But it's kind of not, because you have so much invested in the cycle. Plus your hormones are CRAZY and that makes it really hard.

I have friends who have failed again and again and I marvel at their strength. It makes me proud to see them pick themselves up and dust themselves off and try again.

But it's a very personal choice of course, and I guess up to each of us to decide what our limits are.

As you'll see from my siggy I got lucky with round 2, which is nothing compared to what some people go through. But I just wanted to say GOOD LUCK to you all and sprinkle you with a truckload of babydust:dust::dust:


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## Inky2006

SallyCat - Welcome. You have been through so much, really feel for you. You must feel raw and emotionally drained at the moment. You just need time to grieve. Have you been offered any counselling? I think they are good at guiding us in decision making and helping us move forward. I am going to see one myself. Thinking of you.

emptywomb - welcome also. Ahhh, I know how you feel. I have also recently failed IVF. As everyone keeps telling me IVF does not always work the first time, and sometimes is almost like a trial. So don't give up. You'll feel better soon - it'll take a little while. It'll get easier. Oh I know how you feel about pregnant people. We all get this. Worldwide theer is a baby boom at the moment. You'll have your baby soon.


Mrs JA - thank you so much for your story. Its really inspiring and gives us hope. So pleased you got your BFP. Just wanted to ask did you have two embies put back.


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## MrsJA

Hi Inky - nope, just the one embie. I live in Australia so that's pretty much the protocol here.
Good luck honey :hugs:


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## Helen76

Hi,

Can I join too? Inky knows me from a different thread but for those that don't I've just finished my first round of IVF that ended in a chemical pregnancy.

It was strange because my results were low from the start so I never really felt pregnant and I really don't know whether to take it as a good sign that I am conceived at all even for a short while?

H xx


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## Inky2006

Thanks Mrs JA. Thought was the protocol in OZ. Its come to the UK with a vengence. I suppose I just wonder if I'd of had two, if one may have stuck. 

Hi Helen, I think it was a good sign you concieved. Very good. x


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## ACLIO

what a great thread xx

I'm 28 (29 next week) DH 34. I have PCOS and DH has a low count. We had a failed ICSI cycle in August. I was on a short protocol which EC had to be brought forward a day as I over stimulated. We got 7 eggs collected only 6 good enough, we ended up with 4 blastos but on the day of ET only 1 survived. After the 2ww my beta was 2 which meant it tried to implant but it was not meant to be. I had to wait another few days and have another blood test to confirm my level had dropped. 

We are currently starting to save for a second go at ICSI with the possability of Egg sharing.

I feel for every women who has to go throug IVF/ICSI it is such an emotional roller coaster that I wish none of us had to go through. 

xxx


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## MrsJA

Hi girls,

Helen, I had a chemical before I got my BFP on the second round and the doctor said that the chemical was a good sign for sure. It does suck though honey, when it happens... so disappointing :(

Inky, re the one embie thing.. I don't know if the stats are the same country to country, but my clinic said you have a 30% chance of success per cycle if you transfer one, and a 35% chance of success if you transfer two - but that you get a 50% chance of twins.

So you don't actually increase your chances much at all, but there is a very high risk of multiples - which obviously come with their own complications. I guess it just depends on whether you are keen on twins or not... I know a lot of LTTTC'ers are!

Lots of luck to you guys:flower:


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## Inky2006

Aclio hi, thanks for story. Everytime you hear a story you realise you aren't alone. When dyou think you might be able to start again. 

I agree about 'wishing none of us had to go through this'. Just yesterday I was think when did baby making become so boring!!! 

Mrs JA - thank you. I had actually heard this statistic. However I have also read contrasting studies to suggest otherwise. I just hope it works eventually. It should be FET next time. It seems to me that when it comes to embroyos it is abit of a lottery as they cannot tell in the lab which one will go on and develop into a fetus. Nevertheless, this process has left me uncertain as now think that there could be a problem with me otherwise not picked up.


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## rachelle1975

Hey Inky,

Our first NHS cycle got cancelled in April. In August we had a private cycle, I'm 34 & we had 2 blasts put back. We got our :bfp: and then the following week beta showed the bloods hadn't doubled & it was all over.

I'm normally Miss PMA but really struggling now & it's so hard with DH as he feels like a failure & has been really tearful.

Follow up is next Friday, hoping to do egg share as we have no frosties.

Trying to be positive as finally got a positive after years BUT if one more person tells me 'at least I got a positive' I'll scream.

Xx


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## Inky2006

Hi Rachelle, thank you for joining thread. I'm so sorry to hear that. I think if you had a BFP you end up having hope only for it to be crushed. Your poor hubby. He sounds like a sensitive soul. MY husband doesn't do emotions which sometimes makes it difficult. He is MR Logic, which annoys me no end. He is wonderful in other ways but....what can I say. Its a hard process. Hope followup goes okay. The fact that you did get blasts was very good last time. I didn't manage this. It bodes well for the future. I have heard of egg sharing and know someone who has done it - it really keeps the cost down and helps others which is great.

Take carex


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone 

Am abit perturbed. Rang clinic. We are NHS funded with a BUPA hospital. Am happy to be funded, but their waiting list for next cycle or FET is 6 months. Am in a dilemma because wonder if should just go somewhere else and pay, forsaking NHS go. I know husband will probably never agree to this. They said they have both private and NHS patients and their waiting list is very high. One embroyologist has left, they are down man power wise. I feel like even if it is NHS funded they should be abit more honest about waiting times. The waiting list is high for private also. The follow up appointment is at the end of NOvember. I am going to write a little letter because don't think they are that supportive, feels like you are a number. Anyway, sorry to moan guys, just ventingxxxxxxxxxxx


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## ACLIO

INKY - the choice is totally yours. My first cycle was NHS funded we only get one go on the NHS in our area which really sucks. I hoping to have a private funded second go in the next couple of months when we have saved. I'm also looking at egg sharing to reduce the cost and to help out even less fortunate women.

xx


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## rachelle1975

Oh Inky that is really naff - i've been frustrated waiting 4 weeks for a follow up so can't imagine how you are feeling. Not being able to move forward is so frustrating.

Was your first go NHS funded? I know you can have 2 private cycles before losing your NHS go? The Lister in Chelsea have no wait and you could be considered for egg share although you would need various bloods as well as HIV 12 weeks apart - that could help and keep costs down? Their embryologists are one of the top group in the country too with fantastic results. Plus in your age group they would put 2 embryos back if that's what you wanted?

Sorry that your clinic has such delays :hugs:


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## Inky2006

Hi Aclio - thanks for your input. I really am lucky with postcode. I know this and and wrangled with guilt. I am not ungrateful at all. Its just that I am nearly 35 (I know this is not old at all) but feel like I'm racing against time. I am probably being silly but I don't know. I think your plan for egg sharing is a wonderful idea. It keeps costs down and helps others. I think the post code lottery is dreadful with IVF, however do believe that all NHS funding for IVF will be scrapped soon with current government.

Hi Rachelle thank you for your input. My first go was NHS funded. We would have gone private - but was encouraged by GP to do NHS funded. We get two goes in our area. I have been informed by many that this is very generous. I am so grateful, but the problem is the waiting times. I will look at the Lister's website. Thank you for your support. Hope you are okayxxxx


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## rachelle1975

Ah don't worry - i know it's great to get 2 goes but when you have to wait so long it's never a good feeling. Our funding got moved and it is a 2 year wait... my eggs will be fossilised nevermind fertilised by this time so we figured we would go to The Lister. You responded fantastically well to the drugs! All those lovely eggies!

Have to say that The Lister have been truly fantastic.....................not just because i got free cake and a sandwich after EC :haha:


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## Inky2006

Hi Rach

Free cake and sandwich sounds marvellous to me....although probably should not be tempted by food as have put on 10Ibs with treatment. Feel absolutely awful. Have stuck to WW diet for 3 days and haven't lost a pound. Mind you, because of heavy head cold have not be to gym. Have been to work which is very active...hope it comes off. 

How is everyone else by the way? Anyone find it a struggle to get back on tract emotionally after failed IVF? I feel flat and like I have lost my MOJO, my spark.


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## Helen76

Hi everyone,

Rachelle I know how you feel as I got BFP but my levels didn't progress. I'd never been pregnant before (not that I ever felt pregnant) and I really don't know if its a good thing or not.

Feeling particularly heartbroken today because my SIL has just had her IVF pregnancy confirmed. She's been through a real journey to get there but it just highlights what we don't have.

If I hadn't miscarried, our kids would have been born so close together and we could have shared the pregnancy journey. As it is at the moment I don't even feel like I want to see her (even though I know its not her fault that I'm not pregnant).

I'm angry, teary, depressed and I don't know how to get over it. 

I'm sorry to dump this all on you but I'm guessing you'll understand a bit of how I feel.

How crappy is this journey!!!

H xx


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## Inky2006

Oh Helen, it must be really hard for you. I definately understand. Its normal to feel teary and depressed. I think its a normal reaction. I feel crap too .:hugs:


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## MissMonty

Hey ladies :flower:

Helen - I've got a friend who's baby is due very soon around the same time we would have been due if our 1st ICSI had worked :cry: I was thinking today I might have been on maternity leave already if it had been sucessful. Even after all these months I still find it difficult. 

Inky - my DH doesn't show much emotions either (unless his football team are loosing :dohh:) he's always so positive and prefers 'solutions, not problems' I must be a right moany cow as he say's this to me almost everyday :haha:

Its a bummer the waiting list is so long, I'm with Care and have had 1 NHS funded and now private funded with them and have never had to wait, although had to wait standard 3 cycles between treatments.

Sending everyone lots of :hugs:


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## rachelle1975

Hey ladies

Big :hugs: to Helen and to Miss Monty... 

Helen - i felt the same, it was surreal, i didn't even tell DH for 2 days as it just seemed so bizarre!

MissMonty - it's so hard to feel happy when you feel so low, regardless of knowing someone has had a tough journey to get there.

The day we got our beta confirmation my friend had a c-section - 2 days later i was holding her baby and i was such a brave bunny but a total dribbler when i got home. I feel so out of control and frustrated - emotional eating is shocking but at least i went and joined weightwatchers last night so that can kick my ass. DH refuses to see our friends baby as he thinks he will cry bless him - my sister is due in 2 weeks so hopefully that'll be okay.

I have emailed the lister egg share nurses today as a girl who has only had egg share and not fully paid told me that the wait was at least 6 months.... not sure we could survive that long so might have to sell internal organs to find 7k!


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## Dilek

I just wanted to say this is a brilliant thread


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## woowoo

Hello everyone,
Thank you very much, Inky2006, for starting this thread, Im sad that any of us have to be a part of it but grateful that we have somewhere to share our feelings. :hugs:

My story (Ill make it as brief as possible):
ICSI 1 Nov 09, 6 eggs, failed fertilisation
ICSI 2 March 10, 7 eggs, 2 fertilised, both poor quality... BFN
ICSI 3 has just ended, 4 eggs (a diminishing reserve by the looks of it), 1 fertilised, good quality, BFP followed by an early miscarriage (I have just received my update beta results this afternoon). :cry:

Im heartbroken. I have no idea how to smile or be cheerful at the moment but I'm sure it will get easier.

I wish everyone all the best and to everyone who has been successful (first time or after loss) thank you for giving me hope. :flower:


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## rachelle1975

Oh woo woo i'm so very sorry - that's heartbreaking :hugs:

Do you have a follow up appt booked? xx


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## woowoo

Hi rachelle1975, you and I have our follow-up appointments on the same day :hugs:

All the best for your review. I'm worried about mine, I guess I'm worried he'll tell me there's no chance :cry:


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## rachelle1975

There is always a chance Woowoo - are you in the UK? What about a change of clinic?

I'm worried because although we did have blasts - we had to go to day 6 to get them. I don't know, i'm worried i'll have nothing to worry about!!!x


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## woowoo

Yes we are in the UK, and we have had a few thoughts about changing clinic.

I really hope that your next cycle is the one. x


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## rachelle1975

Right back atcha woo woo :hugs:

I know at my clinic in London there are a lot of ladies who end up there as they are classed as 'poor responders' and also have low AMH or high FSH - they seem to have fantastic results. xx


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## Helen76

OMG Woowoo, I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this. 

I wish there was something I could say or do to help. I went to pieces this morning because our follow up appointment is when we're on holiday (out of the country) so I rang up to rearrange and the next available appointment is in November which is just too far away.

Your story puts me to shame but I do wonder if I'm emotionally strong enough to cope with this. On the face of it (because we're in unexplained infertility) I could still conceive naturally but I don't think I can go through this month on month again so I want to get straight on with second IVF attempt but I'm already panicking about what it'll do to me if it fails.

I wondered about seeing the doctor further down the line to maybe be prescribed something to help but don't know if that will impact on fertility further?

Rachelle - it must be so hard with your sister about to give birth. Thinking of you.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone

MissMOnty - hope downregging going okay. My husband sounds almost identical to yours. I'm sure your not a 'moany cow'. They don't have a clue about how draining this process is and how all hormones pumped into us make us feel. I am gunning for you - and am sure it will work this timex

Helen - Rachelle, Miss Monty. I can relate to the friends or relatives that are pregnant. I am ashamed to say that I have avoided my husband's friend's baby since January. This is really horrible isn't it. They do live along way from us. Rachelle, you were so brave to go and see your friends baby. You must of had to find alot of inner strength to do that. Your poor sweet husband. He has taken it hard. 

Rachelle - as for emotional eating, I can relate to that. I am joining weightwatchers on tuesday next week. Maybe we can support each other in weightloss. After IVF I have put on about 10Ib - urrrhgggghhh. My BMI has gone from 25 to near 27. I hate it. I am going to the gym today, and getting a programme from gym instructer. Although have had a head cold with chesty cough so not planning to do too much. LOL! 

Woowoo - how are you? I'm glad this thread is helping you. It is me. However, my 1 failed cycle pails into insignificance after hearing what you have been through. I wish I could give you a hug. I hope you are okay. 

Dilek - How are you? 

Anyway, better go, got to go to the gym soon, feel knackered as job really active, and finding hard to peel myself off sofa. Anyway, take care everyonexxxxxxxxx


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## rachelle1975

Well done on the ww front Inky! I look forward to seeing a nice shiny ticker on here once you are all signed up! :winkwink: I'm hoping to have lost a minimum of 20lb by the time we hit NY! :wohoo:

My friend Meg was so lovely, she couldn't believe that i had come to see her. He was a gorgeous bubba - bizarrely i felt nothing. I didn't feel any twangs at all - my big issue is seeing pregnant ladies, that i find very hard. I always was a bit odd :headspin:

Feel a bit stressed today as my brain is in a whirr over the whole egg share vs regular cycle - i'm wondering about time delays and although the whole cost - trying to pay off the 6k we have recently spent vs the 7k we will need for the next go. It's silly to worry when we don't have answers - hopefully next Friday will bring some closure :hugs:


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## Inky2006

Hi Rach

Hope you meet your goal for NY. I've stuck to ww before. The points are easy once you get into it. By the way, how do you get a ticker up. 

Oh Rach I'm sure the wait won't be as bad as you think. Second hand information is not always good. Hopefully you'll get some positive news about egg share. I think its always hard when you are in limbo. Aren't there any other clinics that do egg share if not. As for me I still haven't heard from my clinic. When I rang up they said followup appt would be on 18th NOv. Still haven't recieved a letter. Its pretty poor. I would at least like a followup before I make any decisions. 

Anyway, take carexxx


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## woowoo

Hi Rachelle, I know what you mean about seeing pregnant ladies... that also really hits me hard. Sorry to hear that you are feeling stressed today, all the waiting is very difficult. :hugs:

Hi Helen, thank you for your kind words. Im so sorry that youve had to go through all of this. Its so frustrating that you have to wait until November for your follow up. I hope your consultant has some answers for you. I hope that you manage to have a restful and relaxing time on holiday. After our second failed cycle we went to the US and at the time I remember being really resentful about the whole trip but when we got there it helped, eventually. :hugs: 

Hi Inky, I hope you are feeling better and I hope you receive your letter soon. I too have avoided a number of babies this year (maybe even a few last year). I feel like such a cow but I sometimes worry I am going to start crying and not be able to stop. :hugs:

I was doing well today, work is a helpful distraction, until I got home to find a message saying that my follow up had been rearranged. I immediately called back at 4.58 and luckily someone picked up. After attempting to be calm but almost bursting into tears I have managed to rearrange but now how to think of another excuse (lie) to tell my boss. 

I hope you all have a relaxing weekend, take care xx


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## Helen76

Hi,

How is everyone doing?

Hubby was away yesterday so I arranged to meet up with the only 2 friends who know about the IVF journey. I'm so glad I did that because they sat and listened to me going on and made me feel much better. Although they haven't been through IVF (one has a child the other doesn't) they still made me feel like what I was thinking was normal, bless them. I know I'm lucky to have such good friends.

Today I'm feeling a bit mixed. I'm still not ready to face the SIL and she hasn't been in contact since breaking her news which I'm relieved about. I still have lots of hope that it will happen for us too but then I wonder if I'm just kidding myself.

We are technically classed as 'unexplained' I think although we originally got referred as a result of DH's sperm which seems to have now sorted itself out. I always ovulate late e.g. day 21/22 and then this is followed by a LP of about 11 days with spotting for a few days before and I can't help wondering if that's what is stopping me conceiving. The doctors don't seem too concerned by this though.

I had a chemical pregnancy after the IVF so I don't know what day in my cycle I am, its been 18 days since I started bleeding and I've done an OPK and only the faintest of lines so no where near to ovulating yet. I don't really know what to expect, maybe it'll be weeks before I ovulate? I just feel like I want to get things moving again and I'm sick of the waiting game!!

I hope everyone else is coping and managing to have some fun this weekend. I had a great night out with hubby on Friday, had a good drink and avoided talking about TTC etc! Just what the doctor ordered.

Take care everyone,
H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi Helen

I am glad you feel better following a meet up with friends.

Helen - I am abit like you in terms of not knowing whats going to happen with cycle. Its abit of an unknown. I have just purchased some Ovulation sticks, some presseed and these softcup things off amazon because I am still going to try naturally whilst waiting. What else is there to do. Funny though. I read somewhere that with my husbands sperm count we have a 1% chance each month of concieving. This is the same as birth countrol which is 99% effective. That said I am still going to try. From what I have heard ovulation can be out after IVF. For those of you have been through cycles before. Did you get a delayed AF?

Helen - it may well still happen for you naturally. I know it was a disappointment but the fact you had a chemical I think is a good sign. I am still hoping for a remote possibility of it happening for me.

Woowoo - went out last night and was sitting in restaurant looking at cockail list and I noticed your name, didn't try it though. Funny is also what I call one of my cats. Call them all sorts of silly names. Anyhow - I really hope you are okay. So, now at least you have your follow up. I understand about the work issue. I actually left my job because of this, I work for my myself now, because my job is physically demanding - its hard to make an excuse. There is always a shortage of staff. The down side to this is if I don't work I don't get paid. Anyway, I hope you are feeling abit better and you have come up with an excuse. Take care of yourself.xxx


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## woowoo

Hi,

I hope everyone is taking it easy this weekend.

Helen, I&#8217;m glad that you had a good meet up with your friends, they sound like excellent friends to have. It&#8217;s great to hear that you also had a great night out with your hubby. You are not kidding yourself, it will happen for you.

Helen, I&#8217;m also nervous about where I am in my cycle... I really have no idea after everything and although getting pregnant naturally won&#8217;t happen for us (azoospermia with one vial of frozen sperm left) I am now worried that my body is shutting down.
Inky, I agree that it could still happen naturally and I really hope it does for you (and you too Helen!).

Inky, I too have never tried a Woo-Woo cocktail! I hope you had a great evening at the restaurant.

I had a glass of wine last night (my first since April) which felt strange. I had a nice night in with hubby though and a great day today so I&#8217;m feeling much happier.

I can&#8217;t believe Sunday night is here already!
xx


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## Helen76

Hey everyone,

I had some good news today......they had a cancellation and my follow up appt is now next week!!! Really happy about that :happydance:

Hope everyone is okay.

H xx


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## woowoo

Hi,

Helen, I'm glad to hear your follow-up appointment is now much closer!

I'm anxious about mine, had a wobble this evening... just a little sad about what could have been.

I hope everyone had a good Monday xx


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## Helen76

Bless you WooWoo :hugs:

I think its only natural to feel like that and is maybe even a good thing for you to let some of it out rather than bottling it all up.

We're all here for you and I hope Tuesday is better for you.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone

Hi Helen, great news about your appointment:happydance:

Hi woowoo, its a difficult time for you. . Woowoo hope you don't mind my asking but what are your circumstances. Did your husband have TESE or previous treatment. How is he dealing with things? I think like grief, the emotions hit you suddenly, and you have good days and bad days (I experienced a bereavement about five years ago and felt like this) I hope your appointments goes okay. :hugs:

As for me my appointment is on 16th NOv with FS. I can't do anything about this and feel powerless. I have no idea when FET will be. I have made a complaint to the clinic about being left in limbo. I have booked some counselling because I feel I need to talk to someone. As you all know unless you have been through this you can't possibly understand. 

My husband and I are also going to go to the GP again, because my husband has a hydrocelle in his testicle. Basically it is a large watery cyst. He saw a specialist in 1999 who said they would leave it unless a problem. Apparently it can cause a low sperm count because of increase in temperature. This is an unknown to us and feel that it needs further investigation, We mentioned this at initial consult with specialist but it was dismissed. I think its worth a second opinion.

Anyway, am starting evening class tonight. Hopefully it will take my mind off things.

Anyhow take care, everyonexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Just to say on a lighter note - I apologise for my poor spelling and grammar (I did go to school and even did A'Level literature.) Its because I type fast and don't always notice until I read back.


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## woowoo

Hey,

Hi Helen, thanks Im feeling much better. How are you? :hugs:

Hi Inky, Im 30, my husband is 34. My consultant calls me wonderfully young which is rather annoying because my body does not agree with this! Yes, he had TESE last September and we were told they received gallons of the stuff. I cant believe we are going to be using the last of it. He said he would definitely do TESE again if necessary but I heard that it is less likely to find anything second time around. Has anyone else heard this? He is doing OK, I sometimes see him getting a bit teary... I feel so sad for him; hed make an excellent Dad :cry: I am a bit up and down and I think we need to get away and have a relaxing break. Sorry this is a really selfish post.

Im sorry you are having been left in limbo. I hope they will tell you your FET date soon. All the best for your counselling and I really hope your GP arranges some further investigations for you and your husband. We had a great urologist, he was rather eccentric, positive and enthusiastic (his words were You WILL get pregnant while my husband was in recovery after his TESE op) but he was a really nice man.

I hope you enjoy your evening class. I laughed when I say your comment re grammar etc... I worry about that too :haha:

I hope everyone else is having a good week xx


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## Blue12

I hope you don't mind me stopping in. I am finding grieving this "loss" is the most difficult moment yet. I am sorry that there are so many of us here. 

:hugs: to all.


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## Inky2006

Hi again everyone

Woowoo your post isn't selfish at all. This is what this thread is for. You can pour your heart out here. Its very difficult to do this with loved ones and family sometimes in the real world. I don't know about you but I feel I want to protect them from my anguish. They don't fully understand anyway. Sorry to hear about your struggle. You are young but that doesn't mean it is any less difficult. I think in your favour the younger you are the better your body can cope. Although you might need a break, just to get your body back to normal, buts that down to you, DH and FS. You probably do need a holiday just to have some, you and husband time (with some pampering/romance). I find romance is off the agenda with this IVF. somehow gets forgotten:hugs:

Hi Blue, we all understand. Please share your feelings. Writing it down really helps, From your signature it looks like you have just failed FET. Have you any other embroyos? I'm really sorry your having a bad time. We can all relate to what you are going through:hugs:

As for me this week I feel abit better. I just started an evening class, which was great, but may be more difficult than first thought, and have been to the gym today. I feel somewhat worn out but feel great. Guess the endorphins help. I am trying to keep myself busy but is hard.

Anyway, if you are reading thread. Please feel free join and get some support/encouragement from those that understand.


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## Starbright

What a lovely thread. Can I please join? 
I had IVF in August and got a BFP. But on Friday at my 10 week scan I found out that there was no heartbeat and the baby had stopped growing at about 8 weeks. I'm devestated that it has ended like this.
Sorry to the rest of you who have had similar losses and BFNs. This whole process is such a difficult thing to go through.
Take care xxxxx


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## Inky2006

Hi Starbright, have been on here a little today and just came across your entry. I am so so sorry. I really feel for you. Feel free to vent on here. Anything that helps you. We will all support you in thisxxxxxxxx:hugs:


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## rachelle1975

Hey lovely ladies

How are you all doing?

*Woowoo *- very hard seeing DH's getting upset - makes me realise that sometimes i forget it's about 'us' and not just 'me' :blush:

*Blue*... biggest :hugs: in the world - have PM'd you

*Helen *- awesome news re the cancellation!

*Inky *- well done re the counselling - i think talking to professionals is sometimes the strongest and bravest step we can do:hugs:

*Starbright* - so very sorry for your loss xx

So.... today i'm finally feeling a bit brighter - it took nearly 4 weeks! Had a huge blow up with MIL at my b'day dinner Sunday and lost the plot but think it was just what i needed... it was like a soap opera :blush: So follow up is Friday and i heard back from the egg share nurses and i tick all boxes apart from the BMI although they are flexible on that front - i shall soon find out how flexible (will i have to sever a limb???). I treated myself to a surrogate yesterday... hope the pic makes you girlies smile a little bit :friends:
 



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## Helen76

Starbright - big :hugs:

I hope you have lots of support around you and please know that we are here for you. A miscarriage after IVF/ICSI/FET seems so unfair, especially so late. Thinking of you. :hugs:

Rachelle - sounds like good news about the egg share :) Let us know how Friday goes. I'm loving the surrogate! We got ourselves 2 dogs - best thing we ever did. We call ourselves their Mum and Dad - pretending we are parents lol!

Welcome to Blue - so sorry for the journey you've been on - again please know we are here to help if we can.

Hi to Inky and WooWoo. Inky have you tried ringing up the clinic to see if they have any cancellations? Might we worth a try if you haven't already.

Take care,
H xx


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## Blue12

Star - I am devastated for you - I can't believe it hun - I can't imagine the shock you must be feeling. It is so unfair.

Inky - Thanks so much for starting this thread. I am so sorry for your bfn too. I am glad you are able to have FET. I developed OHSS with my cycle and didn't get to transfer anything and only had 3 to freeze because only 3 fertilized. I transfered all 3 - so I have nothing left.

Woowoo - I have never seen my dh in such rough shape either - it is so so so terrible. I am so sorry for you both too.

Helen - So sorry about your loss too hun. I am late to coming in this group - but do you have any next steps or other goals to focus on right now?

Rach - Thanks again for your constant loverly support. Ugh - what happened with the MIL? Friday is only 2 days away - it is great!!!


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## Inky2006

Hey everyone

Helen - Thank you for advice. I rang clinic. They are pretty useless. They have no cancellations. I have now come to terms with the fact that I will just have to wait. I'm okay with it now. What day is your appointment next week. How are you bearing up anyway? 

Rachelle- Your surrogate is georgous. I want one. How old is he/she? By the way you made me chuckle about argument /soap opera with MIL. Only because is could be me. I would love to do that. I hope you feel much better for letting off steam. Glad about your eggshare. 

Blue - Thank you for your support. I think I'm alright with things now. I just feel disappointment. I am lucky with FET but we'll see. Sorry yours failed. When dyou think you'll be able to try again. I see your from Canada. Dyou have to pay for next round. I say this because I gather you have a good healthcare system. I might be wrong in thinking this!

Star - Just to say I am thinking of youx

Woowoo - hope you are okay too!

Anyway, so much for diet. Had a kitkat and a few choccies at work today. Probably had a gazillion weightwatchers points. Am going to gym again tomorrow evening. This may be my only hope. Rach - how's ww for you?


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## Blue12

Inky you are right - Canada does have an awesome health care system - except NONE of ivf/icsi is covered. 

So I just spent $16,000 on my ivf/fet and have nothing.


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## Blue12

I am feeling so angry at the failed ivf/fet situation today. It is like moving through the stages of grief. It is shit.


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## Inky2006

hey blue. Have pm'd you. 

Hope every else is okayx


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## Leilani

Hi ladies - I saw this thread last week when I was stimming for my second round of IVF, and I considered posting then, as I had the feeling it wasn't going to end in smiles. Turned out my feeling was right - after 11 days of stims I had 1 okish sized follicle and 3 less than 10mm, two days later all four of them had each only grown a further 1mm, so I pulled the pin. On our first cycle I only had 4 follicles, 3 eggs only 2 suitable for ICSI and neither of those survived the fertilisation process. I was so devastated after that experience (and some piss poor communication from my clinic), I really don't think I was in the right head-space to tey again, but at the same time I also didn't see any point in waiting. Not sure how big a part my NMA played in this cycle's failure, but it sure didn't help!

My FS is always super busy - as he runs clinics all over the country, so in place of a follow-up appointment, we had a good phone conversation with him yesterday evening. He thinks we don't need to wait before trying again (though this will be our last chance with my eggs if I don't respond), but I want to give my body a bit of a break and focus on something else for a while - so we ae going to "relax" until January.

I'm glad this thread is here, but also sad it is needed. Even sadder are the familiar faces. :hugs:

Star - I am so very very sorry to see you in here. :hugs:


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## rosegal

Hi, I am new to this forum and hope I am on the right one. i always read the threads but have not yet posted. I have been reading with interest the journey of others and I am so amazed at the strength and courage of the women. 

I have just completed a cycle of ICSI with EC on 25 August and ET on 27 August. The 2 ww was just awful. I could not concentrate on work and just wanted so desperately to be pregnant. 

DH and I trying for 2 years with no success. It was - I am ashamed to admit - very difficult for me watching others around us get pregnant constantly in some cases and with ease. 

We were on waiting list since early last year and the problem was male factor. 

I got my LMP on 2 July and started cyle of treatment on 25 July. After that things seem a blur! 

I think I started my daily injections - which was not as bad as I had expected until the 10th day. I produced too many follicles and there was a danger I was hyper stimulating. But Iw as told to continue until 14th day. Due to the number of follicles I felt so uncomfortable but so excited at the thought it was working. Thankfully they recovered 14 eggs on 25 August and on 27 August I had my ET .I was told I had 11 eggs which were ok and 5 of these were later frozen. 2 were transferred. 

My 2 ww was Friday 10 September where I was told I was pregnant. 

I also had Ovarian hyperstimulation which got worse some 10 days after ET. This was agony. My body was still producing follicles making it very uncomfortable but I was told it would not pose a problem to the pregnancy. 

I asked for a scan yesterday as I have my first scan on 11 October and I am very scared, that anything can go wrong. I have constant pains, from hyper stimulation of ovaries (which is calming) but also sharp pains, cramp pains, stretch type pains, but thankfully no bleeding, so I am taking that as a good sign right?

I am 7 weeks today. yesterday i was told i had two sacs, empty. i was shocked. i was told i would miscarry - delayed. :nope:

i booked a private scan elsewhere today where I was told, one sac is empty, its seperating and the other sac has a foetal pole. My heart lifted then I was told there is no heartbeat. I should remain pessimistic as it is strongly looking like a miscarriage. At 7 weeks they should see a heartbeat. :shrug:

I have an appointment now for 7 October at 10.30pm. The doctor will talk to me to let me know what to do now...

I am gutted. 

I have completed one cycle of ICSI and 5 frozen eggs. What happens now? I have not bled. Do I have to bleed before I can start another cycle? How soon can i start or does that depend on the hospital? :sad2:


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## rachelle1975

Blue - have PM'd you :hugs:

Leilani - so very sorry hun. I think you are right, sometimes it's good to have a break - that's exactly what we are doing. Healthy mind and body before the next go.

Rosegal - so sorry that you are going through this. I had an early m/c and was bleeding so it was relatively straight forward. From my experience on another forum the girls on there have varied between ERPC and natural m/c - sometimes it takes the HCG to fall before you bleed so it can take time. It depends what your FS says and whether they are happy for you to wait. It really is so cruel you are having to go through this hun :hugs:

We had our follow up - drug change to Gonal F as they are worried that the embies slowed down from day 5-6 and there were probs going from morula to blasts - they think the Gonal F could help if it's a prob - can't hurt! Having anti coagulation bloods done - Lister think it's wise to do the test now since IVF is so expensive as normally the do the test after recurrent m/c - if the test is positive it's just aspirin and heperin so straight forward. Consultant said to go again, responded well etc, email PCT to see about having funding sent there rather than our local place, speak to egg share people about the possibility and we have chosen to cycle end of Dec at the earliest... time to chill, enjoy each other - our new kitten and our NyC shopping trip! xxxx


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## rosegal

Hi gals, 

I am going on Thursday to see whether the foetus (no heartbeat at 7week 1)is still in sac or removing itself for m/c. I think I am going to ask to speed things up if it still is in sac. I feel awful but I want to start second round of ICSI now. How soon do I have to wait before I can start ICSI? Do I need to wait a few months?:help::-k

My mind thinks it is wise giving my body time to recover. My heart says try again soon.

What do others think???? Is it easier preparing yourself second time round???? How soon have ppl waited??? :


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## Leilani

Hi rosegal - your clinic will probably suggest you wait at least 2 months before gettingback on track - especially as you over-responded, your ovaries will need that time to recover. As you have 5 embryos on ice, I'm guessing you'll try a couple of FETs before going through the whole IVF process again. Have you spoken to your clinic about getting a review appointment?

Rachelle - were you on Puregon for stimmimg previously? Love the kitten. I asked DH if we could get a couple of kittens, and he said "No, we're going to get a baby".


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## woowoo

Hi everyone,

I hope you are all doing ok, I am definitely glad that Friday is here.

Blue, Im so sorry for your loss. I really wish I could say something useful and give you (and everyone else) a hug.

Inky, I hope you are still feeling better and I am glad that you enjoyed your class. Im sorry to hear they have no cancellations. We definitely deserve a few treats once in a while (I helped myself to three Celebrations at lunch and a latte at lunchtime!)

Starbright, I am so sorry that you have had to join us. That really is devastating.

Rachelle, sorry to hear about your argument with your MIL. What a cutie your new kitten is! I am glad that your follow-up was positive; your consultant seems very helpful. I think having the bloods done is a good idea. Its great about your NYC trip, enjoy!

Helen, how are you?

Leilani, I am sorry that you are here too. I think giving your body a bit of a break is a good idea. I also have a poor response to stims and its heartbreaking.

Rosegal, sorry for what you are having to go through. I barely waited three months before starting my second cycle and as soon as I started my injections I felt as though I had started too soon. With my third cycle I waited four months and felt more relaxed. Everyone is different though. I hope you are ok.

As for me, I had my follow-up on Wednesday and it wasnt great. Consultant said that he feels we have given it out best shot and that he would be reluctant to let us try again. He didnt even acknowledge our early mc (I guess because we didnt get to the scan date). He has suggested donor eggs and has given us details of a clinic in Washington, DC where there is no waiting list. After many tears on Wednesday, we decided that we will go for a second opinion at 2 other clinics. If they agree then I guess thats it. I am heartbroken. Well pick ourselves up (again) but it is getting very difficult. Sorry for the essay.

I hope everyone has a restful weekend xx


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## Helen76

I'm so sorry to come on here and to hear that so many of us are suffering.

Big hugs to all of you especially Blue, Leilani, Rosegal and woowoo. My heart goes out to you all :hugs::hugs::hugs: 

It makes me so sad that this journey has to be so hard and that there are some cr*p parents out there who do not know how lucky they are. Why does life have to be so hard?

I'll update you all on Tuesday after my follow up appt. I'm hoping we can get a date to start round 2 but we'll see. I'm still doing the ovulation tests and no sign of ovulation yet. If I count my cycle from the day I started bleeding then I think I'm about day 23/24 so not really sure what's going on. Just my body getting back to normal after the miscarriage I guess. The only good thing I'm taking from this is that we're off abroad for a week next Sunday and the longer it takes me to ovulate the less likely it is I'll start my period when I'm away. 

Rachelle - looks like things are improving for you and Inky sorry the clinic didn't have any cancellations. I would keep trying but then I am known for being impatient lol!

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi, just to say there are some very sad stories on here and I feel for all of you. 

Having your journey end in miscarriage must be the most awful thing to happen in the world. I can't even comprehend what you are all going through. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything better.

This is just a quick update from myself as have been working all over weekend and yesterday and have not been on site. I went to counselling which was beneficial what came out of it was that I need to let myself feel sad and down as IVF is a huge thing to go through. I know I have only had one IVF that ended in BFN, but my feelings have been 'what if I can't ever get pregnant'. I might never get a BFP. I have also drafted a letter of complaint to the clinic because I think there were alot of shortfalls in their care after a failed IVF. I will send it today. 

Otherwise, as I am in a state of limbo, I have decided that i must get on with my life. I am doing an evening class, I am going to the gym, and am also going pursue my love for Art and start painting again. I am going to join a local art group. I am seeing friends alot more. I am doing things now that I have put of for the past two years. I still feel sad quite a few days of the week, but today am feeling okay. 

I really hope everyone else is okay. xx


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## Blue12

I had a big cry too last night inky. I had bought the book a couples guide to ivf and I had refused to read the chapter on what next - after a failed ivf - because I wanted to be so positive. Reading it last night was helpful but devastating that here I am reading this when only a short time ago I had all the hope in the world for ivf.

thinking of everyone here. xo


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## Inky2006

Blue - I know what you mean. I was positive too. During the whole 3 months of IVF I didn't buy any clothes, because I thought would need maternity ones. It is a miserable time. I hope you are okay. I also avoided that section of the book too. Its good to cry, I do, but not so much now. My biggest problem is anxiety, a big hurdle will be going to a wedding next month. Because I told people, I'm feeling that they will all know when I go to wedding. It makes me feel vulnerable somehow. Also I don't want people to feel sorry for 'us' or give advice. Anyway, I suppose I had better go. Trying to summon up the energy to go to the gym. Also got a great big headache as had some glasses of wine last nightxx Take carexx


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## Helen76

Hi everyone.

Inky I think you do the right thing going to see a counsellor. I initially made contact but it took her a few days to return my call by which point I felt a bit better. Blue have you thought about it?

We've just had our follow up appointment. I wish everyone could have the same service we have. I felt particularly lucky today because we saw the Professor that runs the clinic.

She said two things I particularly liked, one was that at 34 I'm young and the second was that she thought we should try IVF again. She said if you threw a dice wanting to get a 6 and you didn't get it first time you wouldn't just stop and say oh well that's it:

Our clinic doesn't have a waiting list so we're starting round 2 later this month. DH agreed to that on the basis I definitely have counselling if it doesn't work after he saw the state of me last time.

So off we go again......

Hope everyone is well.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi Helen
That is great news. Sounds like a really good clinic. I think having that kind of feedback makes you feel positive. Helen, when you say you start IVF at the end of this month, does that include birthcontrol or will you go straight into stimms. I know there is the long and short protocol. I had the long protcol last time. I took BC for a month prior to stimms. Just interesting to compare different clinics. Also did you get your AF. I know you said you didn't pick up ovulation on sticks. I haven't either and would usually ovulate cd16. I know your situation was different but just wondered.

Anyway, I've written a letter to the executive director of the clinic. I hope they take some of my complaints seriously. Really feel that I've been dumped. 

I was like you with the counselling Helen, by the time it came round I was alright, but decided to go ahead anyway, and feel I benefitted from it. I'm a fan of anything like that anyway. 

Blue - hope you are okay.x 

Hope everyone else is okay. 

With Love Inks.


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## Helen76

Hi Inky,

It's bizarre how different clinics do things different ways. Where I am they start you on the nasal spray at any point in your cycle. I never had to do BC or anything.

I will be on the nasal spray for about 3 weeks and then if all goes well I'll go on injections for 12 days and then onto EC and ET. I worked it out last time and from starting the nasal sprays til getting the results it was 7 weeks and 2 days which I guess is long protocol?

I've been using my OV sticks every other day and tested with the last one this morning and still no sign. I have no idea what's going on but it looks like AF won't show her face on my hols which is good. I am of course worrying that I'm never going to OV again but I think the delay is just a result of the treatment and miscarriage. I'm not going to buy any more sticks and will just wait for AF to show her face when she feels like it (after my holidays please!!).

Glad you've been indulging in wine - always helps I find and I hope the wedding goes okay for you.

Hope everyone else is okay.

H xx


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## silarose28

Hi everyone


I hope you don't mind me butting in! 


I am just about to start my second round of IVF. My first was cancelled due to poor response which I am thinking leaves me with a much reduced chance of success. I have been taking bcp and to be honest all the drugs I have taken over the last year have been making go a bit round the bend this week. I have been worrying about the same things over and over in my head and been feeling disconnected in work because I am so stressed.

Anyway - today I bit the bullet and told my boss exactly how I was feeling. He was amazing and really supportive. My DH was horrified that I had gone into so much detail but do you know what I am just past caring!

I was wondering if counselling would help. Has anyone found it helpful?


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## BabyChristie

Hi everyone. I'm so glad I found this thread but I'm so sad that we are all having to go through this. 

I'm still grieving my failed IVF from July / August this year and I am due to start the next cycle very shortly - AF is due this weekend and then DR should be 3 weeks after that. I can't believe its come round so quickly and I'm dreading doing it all again. I have a history of depression and have been struggling so much that I'm thinking of going to my doctor and asking about antidepressants. Humph. Just don't know how I'll get through things without some kind of support. I've had counselling which was excellent but my counsellor has been off sick now for 4 months and there's been no replacement so I'm all alone, or so it feels. And its starting to drive a wedge between DH and I which is the worst thing - I'm just so insular and withdrawn that he doesn't know how to communicate or reach me. 

Big hugs to everyone :hugs: And especially Star - I'm so so sorry that you are on here. What a terrible thing to happen. :hugs::hugs:


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## Inky2006

Hi

silarose - sorry to hear about your first cycle - dyou know what. I think it was a brilliant thing to tell your boss, because then you might get the support you need, and he might make allowances. I have had counselling it does help because you can't take all the burden yourself. Even if you only need one session, is worthwhile. In the real world it is hard to talk to people about because unless you have been through this your can't fully understand. I think the 'thoughts' on a loop effect is quite normal. I have had this. I have to try and stop myself but is difficult. A counsellor will definately help you be more positive going into the next cycle. Also do you do accupuncture. I am still doing this and I don't how but really relaxes me. I am going to have another session with counsellor jsut before FET.


Baby Christie - I'm so sorry about your last cycle. I also got a BFN in August but have no idea when I can have a FET - because clinic is rubbish - have a long wait.I think alot of us know how both you and silarose feel. If you want someone to talk to, talk to us. I can relate to you with DH. men don't shoulder it as much as we do. After all they aren't being pumped full of hormones. I think this whole process makes you down. Baby did you do accupuncture also, because apparently it works for depression. Also, its having contact with someone each week that understands your plight.

Helen- have a lovely holiday. Hope you relax and forget about it all and enjoy sunshine (presume you are going on a sunshine holiday.) Hope AF stays away.

Anyway, I tell you what has helped me today, my husband has booked a spa weekend. Can't wait. Have chosen to have a massage and a facial. Can also use the sauna, gym and swimming pool. Can also lounge around. I might do the latterxxxx

Take care everyone.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## silarose28

Hiya

Thanks for your support Inky2006. I do acupuncture every week. It really relaxes me too. I can get free counselling with my clinic and I'm going to phone them tomorrow to arrange it. It makes me feel a bit weak that I can't cope by myself - but I have to remember that IVF truely is an ordeal and that it is normal to need help. Good luck with FET - when do you get going?

BabyChristie - I totally understand how you feel. I'm absolutely dreading starting the hormone treatment again - it's soooo awful!!! I am really scared about the impact they are going to have on me. My cycle involves clomid and I cried constantly the last time I took that! Acupuncture might help a bit - I go each week and it is quite uplifting. Is there no way you could ask your gp whether another counsellor might be available for you to talk to? I haven't got any experience of antidepressants and IVF but your clinic should be able to give you advice on this. Good luck

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Helen76

Silarose - my SIL is pregnant after the second round of IVF, the first of which was cancelled due to not producing enough follicles. This time round they increased her medication and it worked. Hopefully they'll be able to sort something out for you too :)

I also told my boss I was going through IVF and he's been supportive so I think you've done the right thing, we need all the help we can get!

Baby Christie - I'm sorry for what you're going through. I think talking to your GP is a good idea. Thinking of you.

Yes Inky off to sunny climes :coolio: - your hubby sounds fab! Hope you enjoy your weekend away, you deserve it :)

H xx


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## Inky2006

sila - good your taking up offer of free counselling. I don't think it is weak at all to have it. I have also heard stories similar to Helen's SIL, hopefully they will have sorted out your drug protocol and it will work this time. Oh by the way you made the mistake of asking about when my FET is. How long is a piece of string? The answer is I don't know as haven't got an appointment with clinic until Nov 13th. Clinic is abit rubbish. I won't bore you.

Night Night.


----------



## BabyChristie

Thanks Inky, silarose and helen. :hugs::hugs: Its helpful just to know that others have and do feel the same. I feel like I am going mad, but I guess this is mostly normal. I haven't tried acupuncture - I've had it for back spasms in the past and it helped with that - but its so expensive and we are trying to use all our money for IVF at the moment unfortunately. I'll see how counselling goes today with a new counsellor and hope that I can get some regular sessions booked again. I'm also going to speak to the GP and clinic about medication. Fingers crossed someone can find a way to stop me ending up in the looney bin!


----------



## silarose28

Hi everyone

Helenttc - thanks for letting me know about your SIL. Any success stories make me feel so much better. I felt much better in work today knowing that I ahve the support of my boss to take it a bit easy!

Inky2006 - it's awful waiting around isn't it? I hope you get success soon!

Babychristie - I really feel scared about going completely mad too! My DH can't understand saying 'it's only for a month' - but a month of feeling nuts is like a lifetime to me! I'm going to try counselling too. Good luck with your GP xxxx


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## Helen76

Hi,

Just wanted to say hope you girls are all doing well and I'll be back in a week and a bit!

H xx


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## Blue12

Just had to have a quick vent - my brother and his wife who know about our situation and failed ivf - have their status on fb as - love my baby making momma/daddy ugh

As time passes it seems to be getting better - and then you get a kick in the face. 

Thinking about everyone here xo.



Oh and silly question... I find that I used to be in awe and sadness of people with multiple lines of ivf 1/2/3 etc on their signatures and now that is me - I can't believe that it is me
It is surreal isn't it?


----------



## silarose28

Hiya

Blue12 - I know how you feel I HATE facebook status updates like that/pictures of scans etc. I have actually changed my privacy settings so I can't see constant updates from friends who are preggars/have new babies. Feels a bit mean but they don't know that I have done it and I don't have constant reminders that I'm infertile - so everyone wins!

I have just taken my first 100mg clomid today. Time to go nuts again!!! 50mg sent me absolutely mad! I hope I'm going to be ok:wacko::wacko::wacko:


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone

Writing to you with a very bad hangover. Yes, I have now embraced life in full and making the most of time off in between cycles. I was teetotal for nearly 4 months so think i deserve to have some fun!!!

Helen - have a lovely holiday, be good for you to get away. Get some vitamin D from sunshine

Blue - funny blue you should say that. I find alot of postings on FB abit smug if I am honest. I actually haven't been on FB for a year and a half. I admit it is good for some things, like keeping in contact with people overseas, but I now email them. Also was good to keep in contact with my brother who lives along way away. My mum is actually on there so that she can keep up with what my brother is doing, as he doesn't always phone. he is in his late 30s but she still worries!!!! It is abit much for your brother and SIL to do that, have you told them. maybe your mum could have a word with them. Blue - I know how you feel anyway, I was saying to my best friend last night that I am faced with the reality that I won't have children. However, we have to keep going. It will be our turn one day - and I think that is the only way to look at it. Glad you are feeling betterxx

Silarose - good luck with the clomid. You may be okay this time, its a step closer to that much longed for babyxxxxxxxxxxxx

Love Inks


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## Blue12

Thanks everyone. Yeah I keep thinking about blocking people on fb - but I also don't want to be left out of some of the news and then find out stuff in person - ugh. 

My brother and sil totally know our situation. I teased with dh that I should put my status as "love my money making husband who provides me a large home" (my brother and sil are very challenged in the finance department). I would never do it - but it is about the same kind of boasting I think lol.

You are right inky - it is a scary reality that we are all facing - but we can't give up and we have to keep going until we get our dream. xo to all!


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## Starbright

Just wanted to say Hi and see how everyone is.
I had a follow up scan - the baby has totally gone now but there is still some more bleeding to come. We will get an appointment to see one of the doctors in about a month to see where to go from here.

I get frustrated with facebook too with status updates and photos. :( I've had to 'hide' people otherwise I'd go crazy

Big hugs to everyone xxxxxx


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## silarose28

Hiya Starbright

Sorry to hear about everything you have been though hun. Hope you are ok - make sure you give yourself lots of tlc xxx


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## Springflower

Hi ladies

May I join? I've now had two unsucccessful ICSI cycles (due to MF). Weirdly my 2nd attempt wasn't as heartbreaking as the 1st, but the reality that I may never become pregnant slowly starting to sink in.

I'm so sorry this thread has to exist, it would be wonderful if it worked for everyone 1st time.

Starbright - I'm gutted to see you here:hugs:

Big hugs to everyone, it's sad to see so many familar faces:hugs:

:kiss:


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## rosegal

Its been a while since I put a post up, but I have been reading posts. Im very very saddened to hear about the sad news people have being going through. My thoughts are with you. 

I have not had the energy to put a post up. But I cant do this on my own...Im a mess. DH suggested counselling...I think I need more time. 

I had ICSI and 2 ET's and at my 6.5 week scan (2 weeks ago)was told no heartbeat, in fact one empty sac and one with maybe something there,:nope: next day I got a private scan, where there was a foetal pole but no HB. :shrug:

Anyways last week I went for my 8 week scan and the Dr performed US. Confirmed two sacs, one empoty. The other had two yolks with one foetal pole at 2.5mm. I was told the pole should be 15-20mm at that stage. 


I was gutted and heartbroken. I had my D&C two days ago as I did not want the delayed miscarriage. I cried so much after it. 

I then picked myself up and thought positive thoughts. Was first ICSI go and I have 5 frosties. So I consoled myself, failing which I have one more cycle. 

But then today I was in the shops and I heard a new born baby cry and my heart stopped and the tears came. It hurts and I have so much respect for women who have gone through countless cycles and still come out on top with their emotions intact!! This is my first one and I am a mess. I am dreading going to my inlaws as they have newborns one after the other and I dont think i can cope at the moment. thats awful isnt it???

Anyways I just wanted to say that I feel when I read teh posts, it gives me some motivation and hope and really it makes a difference. 

Thanks for reading this. :kiss:

Rosegal xx


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## Blue12

Sorry for what you have gone through Rosegal. It is heart breaking - I find as difficult as it is - forward is the only way we can go. xo


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## Blue12

Just have to say I am hating the fertile world today. 

I don't exactly mean that but I am green with incredible envy, and angry at the injustice of not beind able to get pg naturally.


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## MySillyGirls

Well, ladies, unfortunately, my ivf cycle failed. I have kind of known it the last few days from hpts but got the beta confirmation today. Even though I knew, today has been really rough. I am ANGRY.  I feel like my body and the doctor failed me. I also am mad that I allowed myself to get to be almost 38 before doing this. The pms probably isn't helping. 

And, I am GRIEVING. I already loved those little embies as imperfect as I knew they were. 

I know you all know about this. I am thankful there is a thread to vent this. Hugs to all you ladies :hugs:

Right now, I don't know next steps. We have adopted before and had an amazing experience, so, that is close to my heart. However, I have also had a biological child and know how wonderful that is. Initially, we embarked on ivf because insurance paid for one cycle, but, going forward, I'd be 100% self pay which would total around $12,000 a cycle. I have an appt. with the fs next week to discuss


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## Blue12

So sorry MySillyGirls... I know exactly what you mean about already loving the embryos so so so much.

My first one we had to pay ourselves and I am about to start into another cycle that we have to pay for - it is scary - but hopefully worth it. xo


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## silarose28

Rosegals and Mysillygirls - sending you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

It's so gaoddam awaful that we have to go through this.

I'm going in for a scan tomorrow. I started chlomid on sun and stims on tue so hopefully I will get some idea how I am getting along. My last cycle was cancelled due to poor response (1 dominant follicle and 4 other small ones). I didn't even know that could happen and was traumatised afterwards. I'm so scared the same thing will happen tomorrow I can hardly let myself think about it. I'm being positive but will be so devastated if the same thing happens again!!!! Pleas let this time be different PLEASE!!!!!!


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## Helen76

Hi everyone,

Hope you are all okay. I'm back from a fantastic holiday and start my second IVF cycle tomorrow.

The hol was just what I needed, although at one point we got chatting with a couple and it transpired she was 9/10 weeks pregnant which is what I would have been if I hadn't miscarried. That was a bit tough.

Welcome Springflower and so sorry MySiilyGirls and Rosegal :hugs::hugs:

How did your scan go silarose?

H xx


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## silarose28

Hiya everyone

Helenttc - glad your holiday went well and good luck with your next cycle.

My scan was okish. I was on day 4 of stims and the dr noted 4 growing follicles on my left ovary and some smaller ones on my right. He said it was too early to tell and i hope that this is the truth and he wasn't fobbing me off. Does that sound right to everyone else? have to go back Wed to see how I am getting on. My right ovary didn't respond at all last time so got my acupuncturist to foucs on waking it up on Sat. I am feeling blaoted - but felt like that last time when nothing was growing so will just have to wait and see. Am so nervous about Wed!!!!

xxxxxx


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## Helen76

Hi,

How are we all doing? Feeling really down at the moment because if it had all gone to plan I would be on the verge of having my 12 week scan and telling people my good news.

Have been trying for two years now and I know that's nothing compared to some of you but I just can't believe I have nothing to show for it yet.

A friend started trying the same time as me and her little boy is now 4 months old and I'm still not even pregnant :cry:

I've just got to hope and pray this next round of IVF does it for me.

Hope all you lovely ladies are okay.

H xx


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## annmc30

hi ladys my storey ive been ttc 15 yrs ive got pcos no right tube we mc last yr at 7wks naturally in march 2010 i started first cycle of ivf got bfp 1st may everything was going great until 16+2wks midwife couldnt find a heartbeat baby had died at 13wks so we are waiting for test results of baby b4 we can start again hopefully


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## Helen76

So sorry to hear your story Ann, I hope your test results turn out okay :hugs:

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone, hi helen hi ann

Sorry to hear about that ann, must be really awful. Can't imagine what you are going through. Helen hope your second cycle going well so far. I've not been on here much because I needed to have a break and mentally distract myself from it for a while. My news is that I have my follow up appt on 16th Nov. 2 months after negative test. I wrote a complaint to the clinic because, felt there was lots of shortfalls with aftercare. The actual treatment was okay. I was not making a complaint about this at all. I was simply saying that their processes were not very patient orientated in terms of aftercare. However, like with all of these things, when you make a complaint, they turn it around as if it is your problem. I recieved the the reply (results of investigation) letter today and quite frankly do not want to use the clinic again. However I have five frozen embroyos and really want to give them a chance. Its abit of a catch 22 situation. When I have calmed down I expect I will be okay but at the moment I am incensed. Livid!!!!

Anyway, sorry to make this all about me. Hope everyone else is okay.

Love INks


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## annmc30

got test results baby was a girl we named her natalie anne she died of turner syndrome, they said i can start ivf again asap


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## silarose28

:hugs::hugs::hugs:Sorry for your loss annmc30


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## Helen76

Hi,

Inky - sorry you didn't get the response you wanted. I would bite your tongue and go and get the frozen embies.

I'm sure they will have learnt something from your complaint even if they don't admit it.

Ann - I'm so sorry for your loss.

H xx


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## CurlySue

Have now had 2 IVF fresh cycles and one FET. The FET, my final 'chance', has just failed.

Today is End of the Road :(


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## Blue12

CurlySue my heart is so broken for you. The world must feel like it is spinning out of control right now. Take some time for yourself and your dh. Do you think you may ever try ivf again? 

Sending tons of love. xo


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## Helen76

CurlySue - I am so sorry for you :hugs::hugs:

I hope you have support around you to help you through this. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel even the tiniest bit better.

Thinking of you.

H xx


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## MissMonty

Hi ladies :flower:

I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through this pain, I can't believe how life can be so cruel :hugs:

CurlySue - I read your post on the Oct thread and had been thinking of you - I'm so sorry :hugs:

I had 2 perfect embies transfered on 21st Oct, but started spotting 5 days before test date (5th November) then stupid period turned up - can't believe I didn't get a chance to test. Still bleeding now - been one whole week, feel totally gutted and so sad at the moment :cry:


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## Helen76

Big :hugs::hugs: Miss Monty.

Life is rubbish sometimes, and its so frustrating we have to go through all of this.

Thinking of you,
H xx


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## Blue12

So so so so so so sorry MissMonty and CurlySue. xo


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## Inky2006

Oh I'm so sorry for MissMonty and curlysue. Life can be so unfair. MissMonty my AF turned up 5 days early on last cycle, so know how frustrating it is. Blue and Helen hope your current cycles are going wellx

I am awaiting FET and go for followup tomorrow. I have five snow babies.I'm not very optmistic about FET but will try it. It looks like we will be paying for a cycle as the NHS has frozen funding for next cycle until April 2011. I have told my husband I am not waiting that long. I need to get started again now.

Anyhow, I went to a wedding at the weekend and although there wasn't any children there, there were babies. the bride and groom felt that they should invite people with small babies because they would not be able to come to the wedding otherwise. I can't tell you how hard it was for me. This is all tied in with the fact that I am 35 next week. It has been drummed into me that this is the age where fertility drastically declines. I know that this is not really true but can't help thinking it. I know I don't feel 35 and still act abit like a kid at times. I am still trying to be really optmistic about the future,

I think having time off has been good for me (inbetween cycles) It has been frustrating at times but I've also done alot of thinking. I really want my own biological child but have decided that it really would not be the end of the world for me if I adopted. I suppose I just need to know whether it will work or not, Im going to give myself 3 full cycles. I guess like all of us I am inpatient. I would love to have a crystal ball just to have a glimpse into the future. The adoption process is long and ardous in the UK. A journalist stated in a recent article that she would have difficulty adopting her own children. This is because there are so many checks and red tape to go through. 

We shall have to wait and see. Now we approaching christmas and this is a difficult time too. I am thinking of all of you.xx


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## Helen76

Hi Inky,

Good luck for tomorrow, I hope it goes well.

I'm 34 too (35 next year) and I'm trying to cram in my 3 attempts before my 35th birthday for the same reasons as you talk about but it's like with anything, 35 is just the average. Some will become less fertile before 35 and for others it will happen a lot later. We just have to hope we're in the latter category.

I've thought about adoption too, I don't think they'll even look at you though until a long after treatment as they want to make sure you are emotionally prepared. The other thing I had thought about was donor eggs, apparently there are good success for women in their 40's who use say a woman who is 25's eggs. 

I really hope we don't have to consider any other options and that it will happen for us. I feel for you at the wedding, it's so hard seeing other people have what you want and not knowing if you'll ever get it. :hugs:

Let us know how you get on tomorrow.

Hi to everyone else.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi Helen, thank you for your support. I hope all is going well for you and wish that you get an early christmas present this year. 

I have been to my followup day. Only two months after failed cycle!!!!! It was good to actually talk and discuss next options. My next cycle will be a FET in January. My main concerns now are whether my embroyos will thaw. I am having two back this time wheras I only had one back last time due to HFEA guidelines. Thankfully all of my embroyos frozen were grade 1's. I have 5, however I know they can loose a few cells when they thaw, so will just have to hope for the best. We may have to pay because the PCT have frozen funding but the cost of a frozen cycle is around about £890 approx alot cheaper than a full ICSI cycle. I feel happier now. One of the reasons I have decided to go for January is that my cycles have not gone back to normal yet. My last cycle was 43 days. For any of you that have just failed an IVF the AF after the failure is sometimes abit out and this is normal (something I didn't know) I am aiming for an unmedicated FET, so am hoping that cycles will return as normal. We'll just have to wait and see. Anyway, sorry about the lengthy progress report.

Hope everyone else is doing okay. I am just going off to google for FET success stories. xxxxx


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## Inky2006

Just wanted to say that I have changed the title of this thread, so that it may be used as support by anyone who has failed IUI's or FET or any other procedure that I am not aware of.


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## flower18

Can I join??? I had IVF/ICSI this past month. A little background about me...I'm 26 (will be 27 in one month) and My hubby is 31.... We have male factor...Anyhow, background on our IVF/ICSI cycle: I had 42 eggs retrieved, 38 went on to fertilize and 16 became blasts. I was told I'd be lucky if we got to do a fresh cycle because I had signs that I over stimulated. He told me the day of my retrieval be prepared to do a frozen transfer! I did a protocol and fought it off (to the amazement of my doctor) We transferred 1 FRESH blast (5-days after) We wanted to transfer 2 but the doctor was against it and said I could still get very sick...so we didn't want to chance it. 
Throughout the whole two week wait, I had cramps on and off, and a few days of light spotting (I thought OMG, this is implantation, it worked).....well I was wrong, today was the results of my beta and I got a BFN I'm devastated and so is my hubby, we've been trying for 2 years (this was our first IVF/ICSI attempt) We do feel lucky though that there are 15 more blasts waiting for us, but I just don&#8217;t feel hopeful, it this great blast didn&#8217;t work, what makes the other 15 better? Ya know? I&#8217;m probably not making sense! 
The pain of a failed cycle is unreal, I now understand the pain of what some of you unfortunate ladies have had to go through when a cycle fails &#8230;t's like someone took your insides out! How do I mentally prepare myself for a FET... I'm just to distraught but don't want to give up just yet!!!! 
HELP!!!!

I wishing you ladies all the best in your journeys!


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## Blue12

So sorry flower. It is emotionally devastating, take time for yourselves right now and in a few days I am sure you will be ready to jump back in and have a chance again. You are very lucky to have so many blasts!
xo


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

So sorry to hear everyone's stories. Feel like I fit in here. I had a cycle cancelled in July due to poor response (only 1 follicle). Started again in Oct and got 6 eggs - to my amazement they were good quality and had a 5 day transfer - 1 early blast and 1 morula. I tested early and got bfn - but later that changed to a bfp!!! Was so excited - but tested a week later (Tue) and the line had gotten fainter. Had a beta yesterday (Wed) which confirmed baby had stopped growing. Can't express how devastated I am - feel numb one minute and totally hysterical the next. I hate this!!!!


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## Helen76

:hugs::hugs: to Silarose and Flower. I'm so so sorry for what you are both going through.

I can only speak from my own experience but time definitely does help. It may be worth speaking to a Counsellor too. I know I'm going to have to speak to a Counsellor if this cycle doesn't work. It's such a rollercoaster and its so frustrating that we might never get that happy ending. 

I suppose all we can do is hope and take comfort for what we do have rather than what we don't.

Good news on the FET front Inky, got everything crossed for you.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi Sila, hi flower. Hi Helen

Sorry to hear about what you have been through.

Flower, its natural to feel like you do. But you will get over it. I felt the same as you. The fact that you have so many blasts is fantastic. I only managed to get grade 1's day three and not that many. I had 23 eggs extracted. 16 good and only 11 fertilised. I ended up with 6. One put back day three. I had a degree of OHSS. The FS said that sometimes when your estrogen is high (as in your case with OHSS) this can cause the environment not be conducive to egg transfer. The aches that you felt during two week wait were probably your ovaries. You are very lucky how ever that you will not have to go through a full cycle again. I know you might be tempted to rush into the next cycle but I think if you have had OHSS it might be better to have a break. Also your next period may be late. I was not aware of this. My next cycle was 43 days long.

So sorry silarose, its terrible that this happened to you, This is by no means of any help to you but looking at the positives of that cycle, it shows that IVF will work for you eventually.

Hi Helen - hope all is going well. When is EC?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Everyone!

I was hoping i could join your thread as I'm feeling quite low at the moment and talking it through with people who really understand can only help.

A little about me.... I am 25 (26 in Feb) and have been TTC for 4 years. My gorgeous BF is 29 and has no known problems. I have PCOS as well as endo and have been through every treatment under the sun! My BF and me had our first IVF with ICSI in aug/sept this year. I stimulated well however only 7 eggs were retrieved. 5 Fertilized but sadly only 2 survived to day 3 (my hosp doesn't continue to blast stage). I had one 7 and one 6 cell embie transfered on day 3. Was excited after I started spotting on day 10 thinking it might be implantation. However it got heavier over the next 2 days until full AF arrived. Was devastated and convinced I would never be a mum.

Have taken some time (and a holiday!) to get over treatment with the view to try again in Jan. Was just starting to feel strong again when I got a call from the hospital today saying I will need Zolodex injections for a cyst before they can start treatment. I'm gutted as this will add a further 4 months onto my cycle. I feel back at rock bottom again. All the waiting kills me, especially as I work in a nursery and have to be with kiddies every day. I love my work but all I really want is a baby of my own.

I hope that by talking to others I will stop feeling so alone. I have looked at past posts and would like to send all my love to you all going through the same hurt as me.

Hoping this is a lucky forum and we can get through it together!

Lolly :flower:


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## Helen76

Hi Lolly,

I'm so sorry you have to wait another 4 months, it's the waiting that kills me because I feel like I'm wishing my life away all the time. 

If I were you I'd plan to do stuff in that 4 months that you won't be able to do when you're pregnant/have a child and just try to enjoy it as best you can.

With one of my groups of friends we only get together about 3/4 times a year. They came round to mine last night and the last time I'd seen them was when I was in the early stages of IVF last time. One of them was also trying for a baby and had also been struggling to conceive. Not any more, she's 14 weeks pregnant and so would have been due around the time I would have been if I hadn't miscarried.

I have been feeling really positive the last couple of days but now feel down again. Since when should a friend getting fantastic news make another friend feel s**t. It's just not right.

I have EC for my second attempt this Thursday, I'm just hoping and praying as much as I can that it works this time. Not sure how much more of this c**p I can take.

Hope all you lovely ladies are doing as well as can be expected.

Thanks again for starting this thread Inky.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone

Hi Lolly. I know how you feel. I am 10 years older than you, so time is not on my side. However I am still upbeat and positive. Its very difficult when you can't go straight into another cycle. After the cycle fails you just want to get started again. I failed my cycle on September 18th. I have had to wait for FET in Jan. I know this seems like a long time to me. I'm sorry about your delay. It will be your turn soon. You won't be an ancient mummy like me. I will be positively mumified by the time I get pregnant (LOL)

Hi helen. I think when you see your friend pregnant, it makes you think of the possibilities. It could have been me. I also have these thoughts to. Some people are on their second babies in the two years we have been trying. I feel mean because I also find it hard to see my niece. My parents in law constantly talk about her. She is lovely but when your feeling down is hard. I am naughty and do abit of avoidance. I know I can't do this forever. Anyway, just keep positive and remember its worked for you before and will do again. You are a step closer to having a baby. And who knows you might get twins this time. Just remember the drugs make you feel down too. So keep positivexxxxxxxxxxx


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

Thanks for your supportive messages I am feeling totally crap today. Just been on facebook and a friend is posting every other minute about her baby which is due in 4 weeks and it makes me cry uncontrollably. I am happy for her but it really hits home that all our dreams have been shattered. Just started bleeding today - really traumatic.

Inky -good luck with your FET. I'm finding it hard to be around any freinds/family with babies at the mo - try not to feel mean because you aren't mean at all - sometimes we just need to look after ourselves!

Lolly - I work with kids too - can be quite a challenge when going through IVF. Sorry you have to wait for so long. It really is awful waiting around. We have NHS funding but actually paid privately last cycle as would have had to wait 6 months for NHS. I couldn't manange that wait because I had just had a cancelled cycle due to poor response and needed to know if a different drug regime would work. We willl have to wait until Jan/Fen now which is not long really - but we just want to get going. Thankfully Christmas will probably distract us all a bit - I hope so anyway.

Helenttc - good luck for Thur. it will be your turn soon. xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Lovely to hear from everyone and so pleased that you have welcomed me into your group!

Its so hard isn't it when you hear of friends or family getting pregnant. Don't feel guily though (easier said than done). I was going through those feelings also as my sister in law is trying and each month I dread she will tell me she is expoecting. I felt so so bad and went to see my hospitals councillor to see if that was normal. She assured me it is and as she went through IVF also she could empathise with how we are all feeling. She said its not that you don't want them to have a baby, its just the fact that it will highlight that you can't. Wise words. She said that we don't need to put ourselves in these situations and told me that it is within our right to tell people that we don't feel strong enough to talk about children right now. She told me that one year her sisters in law were both pregant and so she stayed home on Christmas day instead of seeing them all!

I am so sorry to hear your news Silarose. I know that horrible dread and sadness you must be going through. Life can be so cruel to give you the one thing you want most and then snatch it away. It makes me feel so mad!!! Sending you big hugs. :hugs:

Good luck for Thursday helen, how well have you responded to the drugs? Hope you get lots of healthy eggs and lil embies! :thumbup:

Inky its really positive that you got so many frosties. I know its no consolation that the last attempt didn't work but its something to look forward to in the new year. :flower:

I have been speaking to my doctor at the hosp today. have to go in Monday for norethisterone to induce a bleed. Then in about a months time will be ready for the zolodex. Then a waiting game (and a ton of hot flushes) until can try round 2 of IVF probably around Easter time. Its crazy how many drugs we have to pump into our bodies and makes me wonder sometimes how they can handle it all. I just hope and pray this will be our time.

All my love to you all, Lolly!

Ps... Got a kitten today so at least I will always have my fur baby!


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## Helen76

Thanks for all the kind words ladies, and you are right about the drugs Inky. So far I'm responding well to the drugs so I don't envisage any major problems for EC. Last time they couldn't get to my left ovary but they said it looked more hopeful this time. I got 8 from my right side last time so as long as I get around that number I'll be pleased (especially pleased if they are all top quality!!)

Silarose - Facebook is a pain in the a*s* for things like that. I have to admit I've stopped going on there as much for that very reason. You can hide a person's posts which might be an option for you.

Hope the little kitten brings you lots of joy Lolly!

H xx


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## Isi Buttercup

Hi ladies. I hope I can join you.

I'm just fresh off my failed IVF cycle. My heart is still breaking. I transferred THREE embies (2 blasts and 1 morula) and really wasn't prepared for failure. I am totally crushed and have almost lost all confidence it will happen for us. I'm just so grateful for a wonderful DH!! It's our 2nd anniversary today, and he's made it so so special. If it wasn't for him, I would have lost my mind.

I'm so scared to hope again. We're not sure what we'll be doing next.....FET of our less than perfect embies (morulas) or a fresh cycle....possibly at a new hospital. DH wants us to try naturally for a month or 2....I'm not holding my breath about that one.

So grateful there's this support group. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. Infertility stinks!


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## Inky2006

Hi isi - so sad for you

When you fail a cycle its as if your insides have been crushed. All of that downregging/stimms with loads of painful injections for what? However, it will work for you. You had Blasts, that was great! You could try FET as sometimes people respond better to this as not having all those hormones pumped into you. Also, when they thaw embroyos, those that make the thaw are said to be strong embroyos and once put back in the chances are the same as fresh cycle. This is what I have been informed. We all feel like it won't happen for us. Yet everyday we hear success stories and if you search the forums most people get there eventually. Take care,am thinking of youxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Isi

Sorry to hear your news, know that you must be feeling cr*p. Its so hard and I don't think you can ever prepare yourself for failure. The long journey and hope, its so cruel when its taken away. 

I can sympathise to how you are feeling. I had two embies transferred and everyone was so postivie telling me that I was young and with two it basically couldn't fail. So when it does you lose your hope for next time. But there is always hope. I keep telling myself that every day and now with the help of my councillor and trying to believe it!

This forum is great as everyone here knows how we feel. Its just not the same trying to explain to someone who hasn't been there. Trying naturally was something my paretner also suggested. He said that miracles happen and if not we could have fun trying!! Think he was trying to make me feel better! Thank goodness we have our men! Whatever you decide it will be the right decision for you.

Hi Inky and to everyone else, I hope you are keeping well, sending lots of positive vibes!

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxx


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## Isi Buttercup

Thanks Inky and Lolly! I'm supposed to have a review with my clinic, possibly tomorrow. I might also have a chat with another FS I had earlier considered......just to weigh all my options.

The pain is still very very raw, and I wish I could have some sort of counselling. In the meantime, I'll just keep waiting and praying I get my PMA back.

Good luck with your FET in January, Inky. How are you preparing for it?

What are your next steps, Lolly?


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## Inky2006

Hi Isi, I have experienced that pain also, its very hard, I experienced it back in September so have had a chance to get over it abit. However it does make me fear another cycle just incase it doesn't work. In terms of preparation I am not doing very much at the moment. I need to ring the clinic when i get my AF(This month and next month) and then the FS will decide whether I have a medicated or unmedicated FET. I want to go for the unmedicated FET personally, the less hormones the better. I am due for AF on friday and have seen some spotting. I can say that this is the first time for a long time that I am actually pleased to be getting my AF. Of course I am trying to stick to a diet (keep falling off the wagon) but staying the same weight. I am exercising but intermittent because my job is active and at the end of a shift I can't move sometimes LOL. Also I am trying to remain positive and upbeat. I think I may be more relaxed going into FET. Anyway, hope your follow up goes okay. This will help you move forward. Take care of yourself.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Helen76

helenttc said:


> Thanks for all the kind words ladies, and you are right about the drugs Inky. So far I'm responding well to the drugs so I don't envisage any major problems for EC. Last time they couldn't get to my left ovary but they said it looked more hopeful this time. I got 8 from my right side last time so as long as I get around that number I'll be pleased (especially pleased if they are all top quality!!)
> 
> Silarose - Facebook is a pain in the a*s* for things like that. I have to admit I've stopped going on there as much for that very reason. You can hide a person's posts which might be an option for you.
> 
> Hope the little kitten brings you lots of joy Lolly!
> 
> H xx

I can't believe I said that I didn't envisage any major problems for EC. Just had my latest scan and they are worried on two counts. One is that the follicles on my right side are smaller than they should be and secondly it looks like there is a problem with my left tube which means that it will be unlikely they can access the left side (for the second time). 

They have put me on an extra day of stimms and put EC back til Friday. It looks like its the Professor who will do my op on Friday but she has warned me there is a chance my cycle will be cancelled on Friday :cry:

If it is cancelled I'll probably end up with my left tube being removed so that will delay things even further.

The only hope I can take is that my follicles looked small on my right side the last time and they still managed to get 8 eggs. Please wish me luck ladies, I can't bear the thought of getting this far and then failing.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi helen, the only thing I can really say is that the medical professional always give you the worst case scenario to prepare you for the eventuality. Hopefully the smaller follicles will catch up with the extra days of stimming, and by the time you do your trigger shot you'll get enough ripe ones (so to speak) I wish you luck. I'm sorry that you have had to go through this.:hugs:


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## MissMonty

Hi ladies :flower: I'm sorry to see there are some new ladies posting in here - I really know how you are all feeling, it's just the most horrible pain ever, my DH's Dad passed away many years ago now and he told me the emotional pain and grief he has been experiencing since our last failed attempt has been worst then when his Dad passed away, he feels that his Dad had a good life and he feels he is griefing more now as we might never get to experience something that a lot of people take for granted :cry:

Isi - I remember you from the Oct tread - I'm sorry things did not work out for you :hugs:

We've been offered some more indepth immune blood tests at the fertility clinic gonna cost us £1000!! eek!! As we have produced good embroys they think there might be an issue that is preventing implantation and these blood tests can check for problems. Having the test the end of next week and will have to wait upto 6 weeks to get the results so next cycle is on hold for the moment. 

I guess our only blessing is we have managed to save a lot of money over the years - I don't know how I would cope if I coundn't afford to do more tests and more cycles - although I would give all our savings away tomorrow if it meant I could have a child without all this heart ache.

Sorry for the long post - I don't post very often and when I do I seem to go OTT.

Sending all you strong amazing women lots of hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## silarose28

helenttc said:


> helenttc said:
> 
> 
> Thanks for all the kind words ladies, and you are right about the drugs Inky. So far I'm responding well to the drugs so I don't envisage any major problems for EC. Last time they couldn't get to my left ovary but they said it looked more hopeful this time. I got 8 from my right side last time so as long as I get around that number I'll be pleased (especially pleased if they are all top quality!!)
> 
> Silarose - Facebook is a pain in the a*s* for things like that. I have to admit I've stopped going on there as much for that very reason. You can hide a person's posts which might be an option for you.
> 
> Hope the little kitten brings you lots of joy Lolly!
> 
> H xx
> 
> I can't believe I said that I didn't envisage any major problems for EC. Just had my latest scan and they are worried on two counts. One is that the follicles on my right side are smaller than they should be and secondly it looks like there is a problem with my left tube which means that it will be unlikely they can access the left side (for the second time).
> 
> They have put me on an extra day of stimms and put EC back til Friday. It looks like its the Professor who will do my op on Friday but she has warned me there is a chance my cycle will be cancelled on Friday :cry:
> 
> If it is cancelled I'll probably end up with my left tube being removed so that will delay things even further.
> 
> The only hope I can take is that my follicles looked small on my right side the last time and they still managed to get 8 eggs. Please wish me luck ladies, I can't bear the thought of getting this far and then failing.
> 
> H xxClick to expand...

Hi Helen

Just to let you know that I needed exra days of stimming and it really helped - my follicles did mature. If you manage to get 8 eggs you still have a really good chance - many people have less than that and are successful. Good luck with everything and let us know ho you get on. I've got my fx'd for you xxxx


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## MissMonty

Helen - I really hope things have improved and you can continue your cycle, I agree with Inky - they always give the worse case scenerio :hugs: I had extra stims on my first cycle as follies were not very big and ended up with 3 eggs, second fresh cycle they increased my stimms and I produced 18 eggs! Next time they told me they will alter the stims dose again :dohh: 

Silarose - I deactivated my facebook after my last failed cycle, got all upset as logged on and another person had annouced they are preggers and another complaining about being preggers, it was really getting me down. For my own sanity I just got rid and to be honest I haven't missed it at all :hugs:


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

I'm starting to feel a bit better - though still have my moments of absolute depression. I keep thinking that I only got 6 eggs so the chances of it working were so low anyway. What if that was my last chance?! I can't believe I was pregnant for such a short time. i keep thinking - last time I was here i was pregnant etc. It's horrid!

Isi - I agree about facebook. I have hidden posts from pregnant people. Am so sick of 1 friend moaning bout being fat and preggars - I would give anything to be in her shoes!!!! Sorry you have to wait wound for your test results. The waiting around is a killer isn't it? I'm 37 and feel like screaming I HAVENT GOT TIME TO BLOODY WELL WAIT ARGH!!!! I hope the investigations help you to get your bfp xxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Hi ladies!

Helen i'm really sorry things aren't going well for you at the moment. But at the same time if you experienced something similar last cycle and got 8 eggs then try to stay positive (I know easier said than done), as my consultant always says you only need one! (Usually wanted to kick her when she said it but it is true!!) I will be thinking of you.

Isi your hospital should be able to offer you councelling. They told me that IVF is one of the only treatments that they have onsite councillors for. You should look into it. Ultimately i know it won't change anything but it does help to talk to a neutral party. As for next steps i'm back to the hospital saturday for my prescriptions. Gotta take norethisterone to induce a bleed (I don't have regular AF), then after 2 weeks they give me a shot of zolodex. I don't know if you are familiar? Its like a temp. menopause and shuts all your hormones down and is to help shrik a cyst I have on my right ovary. have had it twice before and gives me terrible hot flushes!! Then after that wears of after 3 months another 2 weeks on norethisterone, then AF, then IVF. Bloody hell, feel like a junkie with all the drugs involved. Be worth it 1000000000000 times over though if it works!!

Stay strong everyone, Lolly xxxxxxxx :hugs:


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## tigger bounce

Hi Girls
Hope you dont mind me posting on here. I have just had my 2nd failed IVF, and feeling very down. Both attempts have gone very smootly, more so on the second attempt. My first attempt I had 8 eggs, 5 fertlised, then 2 transferred on day 3, however these embries were not of the best quality. 2nd attempt, 11 eggs, 9 fertlised, and then had two perfect 4 cells returned on day 2. 
I just do not understand I dont know what to do. Have I just been unlucky? I have been doing lots of reading up about having immune tests, and have found alot sites saying its a waste of time. Am I just unlucky will this happen for me? Based on my fertlisation rate, and quality, I just do not understand. I have just received a letter to tell me I have two frozen so the quality must be good, why will they not stay with me.

Hope somebody can help a very upset little tigger

Thanks xx


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## Isi Buttercup

Sending you loads of :hugs: Tigger. It's really really hard. I'm just recovering from my first cycle, which failed. I had 2 blasts and 1 morula put back, so my expectations were really high. From what I've read, and been told, it just takes a few more tries for some. It's a good thing you have frosties. You could try FET before considering a fresh cycle.

I just decided to proceed with FET, probably in January. We have 5 frosties, so we might as well see what we can do with them before jumping right into a fresh cycle.

Sending huge :hugs: to everyone.


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## looknomore

Lolly1985 said:


> Hi ladies!
> 
> Helen i'm really sorry things aren't going well for you at the moment. But at the same time if you experienced something similar last cycle and got 8 eggs then try to stay positive (I know easier said than done), as my consultant always says you only need one! (Usually wanted to kick her when she said it but it is true!!) I will be thinking of you.
> 
> Isi your hospital should be able to offer you councelling. They told me that IVF is one of the only treatments that they have onsite councillors for. You should look into it. Ultimately i know it won't change anything but it does help to talk to a neutral party.  As for next steps i'm back to the hospital saturday for my prescriptions. Gotta take norethisterone to induce a bleed (I don't have regular AF), then after 2 weeks they give me a shot of zolodex. I don't know if you are familiar? Its like a temp. menopause and shuts all your hormones down and is to help shrik a cyst I have on my right ovary. have had it twice before and gives me terrible hot flushes!! Then after that wears of after 3 months another 2 weeks on norethisterone, then AF, then IVF. Bloody hell, feel like a junkie with all the drugs involved. Be worth it 1000000000000 times over though if it works!!
> 
> Stay strong everyone, Lolly xxxxxxxx :hugs:

Hi Lolly- Noticed that you will be on Zoladex. I am also currently on the same treatment with Lupron depot. One injection a month for 3 months. this is to shrink my endo. I am taking add back meds (low dose estrogen and progesterone) and have not got any side effects till now. Only frequent headaches.


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## Lolly1985

Hi Tigger, i'm so sorry you are feeling so low. We all know how much it hurts and send you hugs. You have good news that you still have some snow babies though. I'm with Isi when sometimes you just can't understand why it didn't work as everything seems to look so positive. I felt the same and now it makes me scared of another cycle. But as everyone keeps telling me 'these things happen' Grrrrrr!!! I want to scream at them when they do!!! 

Hi looknomore, I will probably have my injection in about 2 1/2 weeks. They either do one a month or one large one that lasts the whole 3 months. I went for that last time as it saves the extra stress of travelling although the size of the injection has put me off!! The nurse said 'oooh I don't like doing this, its such a big needle'.... Ummmm thanks!!! And that was before she'd done it!!! How were you after? I went back to work last time but had an awful pain and couldn't really do much. Will prob have a day off this time. Although first time I was fine, but had it in my bottom instead on stomach that time so maybe thats way, more surface area!!! :haha:

I hope things are ok for you helen, sending positive vibes and :hugs:

Hi Inky, hope you are ok, and to everyone on this thread.

Lots of love, Lolly xxx


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## Helen76

Big, big :hugs: Tigger.

It sounds so simple that you have the right quality embies, put in the right place and so it seems like you couldn't not be successful. I really can't figure it out. 

I know last time I was disappointed not to have any frosties as I was convinced this would be the only way I would get pregnant but I've seen many stories on here where people with frosties don't get pregnant and those without do. We talked to the Embryologist about it at the time and she couldn't explain why some implant and some don't. 

The only thing I can say is that if they expected it to work that well for everybody then the NHS in the UK wouldn't recommend that women should be eligible for 3 cycles. Do you have the option of a third attempt? My ex boss' wife got pregnant on her third attempt which keeps me going.

Today I had EC which was potentially the end of the road. Thankfully it wasn't and they managed to retrieve 7 eggs. I'm still really nervous about the quality and will feel happier once I've had fertilisation confirmed. B*gg*r all chance of frosties I would say but if I get 2 embies to put back in I'll be happy.

Thinking of everyone,
H xx


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## JAR

Hi

Not been on here in a while. I found out today that our 4th IUI has not worked and I'm just wondering if it ever will! Our first IUI in March was successful however I miscarried at 9 weeks. Me and hubby have been ttc for nearly 5 years now. Has anyone else been in a similar situation with the IUI's? Did it ever work for you again? I just feel like giving up at the moment and as we approach December all I can think about is the fact I would have been due.

It would be great to talk to people who are in a similar situation.


J x


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## looknomore

JAR said:


> Hi
> 
> Not been on here in a while. I found out today that our 4th IUI has not worked and I'm just wondering if it ever will! Our first IUI in March was successful however I miscarried at 9 weeks. Me and hubby have been ttc for nearly 5 years now. Has anyone else been in a similar situation with the IUI's? Did it ever work for you again? I just feel like giving up at the moment and as we approach December all I can think about is the fact I would have been due.
> 
> It would be great to talk to people who are in a similar situation.
> 
> 
> J x

Hi JAR. I also hace 4 failed IUIs. I conceived on the 3rd but miscarried at 6 weeks. The doc suggested a Lap right away as we were unexplained so there was no reason why the IUIs kept failing and the chemical. And sure enough- I had grade 3/4 endo and PID which had caused inflammation of the tubes. We tried an IVF post that but sadly that didnt work too. I am currently doing 3 months of Lupron injections to quieten my endo before we try again. I think maybe u should think about an IVF now. Has ur problem been diagnosed yet?


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## JAR

Hi looknomore,

I had a lap done two years ago and nothing was found - they have diagnosed us as 'unexplained' which is frustrating to say the least! I am scared to move onto IVF as I think our problem may be implantation (I have had 2 miscarriages) and I don't want to waste the only funded go we have. It's so unfair isn't it - I suppose I'm just on a bit of a downer this weekend. When will you begin treatment again?


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## Nvr2Late

Joining in... just had my second IVF cancelled due to poor response, and had 5 failed IUIs. Well, more accurately, this IVF has been converted to an IUI which we will do on Tues morning, so technically there is a chance it will work, but a very low one.

We're looking at an egg donor program next. 

Anyone else in a similar situation?


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## looknomore

JAR said:


> Hi looknomore,
> 
> I had a lap done two years ago and nothing was found - they have diagnosed us as 'unexplained' which is frustrating to say the least! I am scared to move onto IVF as I think our problem may be implantation (I have had 2 miscarriages) and I don't want to waste the only funded go we have. It's so unfair isn't it - I suppose I'm just on a bit of a downer this weekend. When will you begin treatment again?

Hi JAR

Unexplained infertility is frustrating. Interesting info for u. For women who have multiple failed IVFs and endometriosis, they can be lacking in what is called Beta 3 Integrin. This is missing in some women and is responsible for successful implantation and esp in women with endo. There is an endometrial biopsy that can be done to check if its missing. The other option is going on GnRh analogue treatment for 2-3 months. Thats what I am doing.

Still early for u. I personally feel u should go ahead with an IVF. It gives u a clearer picture of what the problem is. And u might just hit it off with the 1st attempt. It works for a lot of women.

I will probably do my 2nd attempt in Feb/March 2011.

All the bestxx


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## wishful think

Hi there, I just found out that my first round of IVF with ICSI has failed. I am so broken hearted and gutted. I really hoped for 2 lines but no, we got a BFN! 

I'm 29 (almost 30) and dh is 31. There is male factor infertility and also problems with me. I have 2 blocked tubes and low amh. After stimming (on a very high medication dose) we got 8 eggs on egg collection day and we were so happy. The next day we got the dreaded phonecall that 3 were immature, another 3 disintegrated (were really soft and just fell apart before they could be injected) and only 2 had made it(one looked ok but the other didnt). The doctor wanted me up the next morning to have a 2 day embryo transfer. When we arrived we were told one more embryo hadnt made it so we had just one to transfer. 

The transfer went well but obviously it didnt work!! I'm so devastated.

How long do you have to wait to do another round of IVF?? Does your body need alot of recovery time?? 

And for anyone who has had poor quality eggs - is there anything i can do to improve the quality??


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## Lolly1985

Hi Wisful Think

I'm really sorry to hear your news. I know just how heart breaking it is and can only say that you have made a good decision by joining this thread as people on here truly understand the hurt you're feeling. Despite support from family and friends it sometimes nice to talk with people that really can empathise. Sending you :hugs:

My hospital say that with fresh embryo transfer the waiting period in between cycles is 3 months. This allows time for all the medication you have been taking to work itself out of your system. I initially thought that if my IVF ICSI treatment failed I would want to try again straight away. But when I got my BFN that changed and I felt that I needed the 3 months in order to mentally recover as well as physically. I was due to have my second cycle in January, but have recently heard they want to treat a cyst first so it has been put back until Easter time, which is a bit frustrating to say the least! Hopefully you will not have any other probs and will be able to try again soon.

I'm sorry but not very sure about info regarding egg quality but sure someone else out there can help you.

Hi to everyone else, hope you are all ok and getting into the christmas spirit.

Helenttc, have been thinking of you and hope things are going as well as they can for you.

Much love, Lolly xxxxx


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## Helen76

Wishful think - I hope you find this thread useful. I can't answer on the quality of eggs but in terms of starting your next round, we began ours about 6 weeks after our first cycle failed. I think that was pretty quick but they asked us if we were ready and we said yes.

I'm currently 9dpo and due to test on Friday but I've began spotting so I think AF is on her way. I'm devastated and I wonder if I should have waited longer to give myself time to recover? That said I don't think any failed attempt is easy to get over no matter when it was.

Lolly - thank you for thinking of me xxx


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## silarose28

Hi Helen

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and hope that spotting is implantation. xxx


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## Inky2006

Hi haven't been here for a while so just thought would add two penny's worth.

Hi wishful. Sorry to hear about failiure. We have all been through failed cycles so completely know how you feel (it sucks) I, like lolly have had to wait for next treatment. My clinic also has a 3 month rule. There are two reasons for this. One is to get emotionally prepared for next cycle and two is for hormones to work their way out of system ( as lolly says) Initially I felt that this was a long wait but I think I needed it. I am having a FET in Jan. After failed cycle I did not get a period for 43 days. usually my cycle is 31 days. My last cycle was back to normal. This is different for everyone. I think every clinic is different in the way they operate. 

Just a quick note for Helen - i don't think you were too quick to jump into it (its whats right for you) IVF didn't have a good affect on my body (put on weight and became spotty) so I needed a break to try and lose some the weight gain. I also had a degree of OHSS. I think as sila says you may well have implantation and seem to recall when we were on August thread you had that before (isn't that right) and you were pregnant. So don't give up, just remember its all those damn hormones making you feel negative ( I know how it is) 

Hi Sila and lolly hope you are also okay. Lolly I am definately in xmas spirit have all decorations up and have been baking (not good if you are on a ww diet) but as hit by very deep snow - was nothing else to do. Hope everyone else okay tooxxxxxx


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## Helen76

Thanks Inky, once again you seem to know the right thing to say. Yes I did have spotting last time, it was at 11dpo last time and 9dpo this time. It seems to have settled down a bit today but I don't know why but I just feel that I'm not going to get to my test date before AF shows. I've taken two days off work though as I didn't sleep at all last night. I really hate how this whole thing sends me so crazy, I'm just glad hubby is so supportive and that all you wonderful ladies are around also.

Thinking of you all,
H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi all, in a quest to cheer you all up and get you in the festive spirit. There is a wonderful website with a selection of interactive christmas cards. I can guarantee they will keep you entertained for a while. Check them out at www.jacquielawson.com hopefully you will find them as joyful and entertaining as I do x

Helen - hang in there. check out the cardsxxxxx

Love Inksxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Good luck Helen, and the fact its settled down a bit has got be a positive if anything. Praying its implantation. Keep your chin up although I know thats far easier said than done. Everything crossed for you xxx

Thanks for the link Inky, will be checking that out next to add to my festive mood! Its lovely working in a nursery at Christmas with the excited children, but also makes me sad thinking what i'm missing out on. Have my little kitten to keep me busy though, a mad cat and a christmas tree full of baubles don't mix!!

Hope you are finding this thread a help wishful.

Hope everyone out there is ok, Love Lolly xxxxxxxx


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

Helen - I'm glad you are taking some time off. This whole process is really draining and stressful and keeping a full time job going at the same time can just feel like to much. Good luck -the fact that the spotting has settled is a good sign!

Inky - thanks for the link. I too am getting in the festive spirit. Iwent out with friends on Fri and had way too much to drink - haven't been drinking since June but had real fun. I really needed to let my hair down. Won't be able to do that again though as my new cycle will be in Jan. 

Lolly - I work with kids too and can't wait to have my own at Xmas time! We will get there I'm sure.

Wishful - hope you are feeling a little better.

I will only have had 2 cycles after my miscarriage before I start again. I really feel like I need to get going though as the waiting really does my head in!!! I felt so sad when I went Xmas shopping earlier - seeing lots of baby clothes etc. I feel like everyone thinks I shoudl be over it now - it was only an early miscarriage to some but after nearly 3 weeks I am still completely devastated. Feel like the walking dead at work and am still in shock! Am I over reacting? 


xxxxxxx


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## Blue12

Not overeacting at all. xo :hugs:


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## Helen76

No I don't think you're over reacting Silarose. I still get upset about mine.

H xx


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## wishful think

Hi everyone, thanks for all your kind words. 

Silarose I had a natural early miss in July '09 and I dont think I grieved enough at the time cause I just got up, dusted myself off and got back to ttc. If I had of known then that that was my last shot of it happening naturally I might have grieved properly. Just over a year later i found out that both my tubes were blocked and i dont know how it even happened. So I think u need to take your time to grieve your loss for what might have been xxxx 

To everyone else thank u for your support. My af started today so my little embryo is defo gone. Was hoping it was a little fighter and the hpt was wrong but no, my little bean is gone :( I'm just gonna have to pull myself together and look to the future. I will be speaking to my fertility specialist tomorrow so if u have any advice on the questions i can ask him i would grately appreciate it. I have written a few down already but i know my head isn't thinking as clearly as usual.

xxxx


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## Inky2006

Ahh Wishful. When you see FS you can ask him things like 'can you expect your cycle to return to normal'? Is there any different fertility drugs they can give you to produce a different response (apparently different drugs can actually affect the quality of the eggs- this is what I have read anyway) mmmm what else, be prepared to be emotional. Anyway, so sorry about what you have been through. It takes time to get over it. I am fine now, but back in September I cried for days. My mum was so worried about me. If you think it might help you ask to speak to the counsellor. I did. Emotionally this time is very raw, and unfortunately you will still be feeling the effects of the fertility drugs too.
Anyway, do take care, chin up and keep going. The same goes for everyone.

We will all get there and it will be worth it in the end.xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MissMonty

Hi ladies - I'm not very good with keeping up with all the posts and go through stages of posting so please forgive me if I keep poping in and out.

Wishful think - I'm sorry to hear your news :hugs: I hope you had a positive meeting with your FS today, were they able to answer your questions and did they give you any advice about a way forward?

Silarose - you're defo not over reacting :hugs:

Helen - I hope everything is ok :hugs:

Well its been about 5 weeks now since my last failed cycle, I was starting to feel a better over the weekend but that soon ended today when 'another' girl at work announced she is pregnant, I seriously thought I was going to be sick, I also hate the fact my manager knows my situation and I just feel like I wanna hide away again! We've been advised to have immunology tests but our appointment was cancelled last week because of the snow its been re-arranged for later this week so I hoping the snow stays away.

Hope everyone else is ok xx


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## wishful think

Hi there. Well i had my phone consultation with my fs today. He has said that he wants to make a few changes to my meds for our 2nd try. First of all I wont be put on a birth control pill, I will take my nasal spray like i did last time, then I will be injecting 600 puregon to start with and no Luveris this time. The last time I was put on 450 puregon which was upped to 600 and i was on 75 Luveris a day. Am I right in thinking that the Luveris could have been the reason for my poor egg quality (like they were over ripe maybe??). He said my body should have enough LH hormone without taking any more!!! I will then take the pregnyl trigger shot like i did last time too.

Has anyone else done a cycle like this????

I am going to take a break for a few cycles just to allow my ovaries to recover a bit and to give us time to get enough money together again.


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

Thanks for the reassurance. If I'm honest I'm still really struggling but feel like everyone expects me to be over it by now -the truth is I'm defo not. I'm doing everything I can to be normal - work and going out with friends etc. Feels a bit like going through the motions at times and I cry loads when I'm on my own.

Wishful - I haven't heard of the drugs that you are on. I only know that when my drugs were modified I did so much better so fx'd for you.

Missmonty - I've just gone through 2 announcements at work and my manager warned me about them and asked if I was ok. It's awful so I completely know how you are feeling.

Helen - how are you getting on?

Any news anyone else?

xxxxxxxxx


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## Tory123

Hi 

I have had a BFN on my first cycle, I can't believe how hard it has hit me just keep crying. Have not been back to work for a week and just feel miserable. Along with this realise I have been taking the medication wrong, really don't know how i did this. Since ET was taken 2 suppository both together at night instead am and pm. Could this of made much difference? What a stupid mistake.

Thinking of all of you as I know how painful this all can be. Lots of people go on and have a baby, baby dust to all of you xx


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## MissMonty

Hi Tory - so sorry :hugs: you need to take time to look after yourself. I'm not sure about how much of a difference taking the suppositories at once would have made, try not to focus on it too much, have you arranged a follow up appointment? Sending you lots of hugs :hugs:

Wishful think - I haven't heard of those drugs either but it's good to see they will be trying something different next time x


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## Inky2006

Hi all

Hi Wishful - pleased that the FS is going to try you on different meds. I haven't any experience of this but have read that different protocols can definately make a difference to the egg quality.

Hi Miss Monty - hope your test goes okay. Snow is getting me down now, hope it stays away for you. Can relate to hearing others are pregnant. Just yesterday, had some news about someone I know and it made me feel sad also. I really hope you wont have to wait too long before you get your BFP. I hope they get to the bottom of why its not working. 

Silarose - I don't think people really understand what its like to have a failed cycle (especially if they haven't been through it ) I have often felt like people don't understand and have expected me to be over it. This includes my husband. In your case you were pregnant for a short while and I guess thats worse. Also I think you said you work with children, so you don't get to escape from it. All the things you feel are completely normal. I feel the same most of the time. I am a nurse in real life and for me my whole life is spent bottling emotions and trying to please others. Also taking on others emotions. I spend alot of time bottling things up, so I think its good you cry and let it all out. Its probably worse to be the way I am.

Hi Tory - I think I followed your story abit when I was nosing around the threads. I am so sorry to hear your cycle failed. Am I right in thinking you have more frozen embroyos. I'm very sure what you did with the suppositories didn't make a huge ammount of difference. Thinking of you!!xx

Helen _ I hope you are okay and you can come on here today and give us a success story.

As for me I have my appt with nurse for next cycle (FET) on tues next week. Like Miss Monty I hope it doesn't snow again. The clinic is in the middle of the countryside. Is lovely but not when having to drive in it (not with a 1.1 engine) Anyway, am hopeful about FET because I have to be. I keep trying to suppress the thoughts of it not working out of my head, because I have a tendency to be negative (postive about others) so am really trying hard.

Anyway, hope you are all okay. I am so pleased I started this thread because really makes me happy to think people are getting support from itxxxxx


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## Helen76

Hi Inky and everyone.

I'm really sorry but I'm not going to be a success story. It was BFN.

I had 2 top quality embies put back in and it still didn't work. Don't know what else I can do.

Anyway I'm glad (in a way) we are all here to support each other and I hope we all graduate to the pregnancy forums very soon.

Thinking of you all,
H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi Helen

Sorry to hear about that. I really truly am. I so wanted it to work for you. Anyway, I agree I really do hope we all graduate to pregnancy forums soon, and can start a new 'success thread'. I hope you are okay anyway. Take care. With lots of:hugs:


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## wishful think

so sorry helen xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## MissMonty

Hi Helen - sending you lots of hugs :hugs: on my last cycle I started spotting 5 days before OTD, I didn't have any spotting on previous cycles so started to get mixed feelings thinking it could be implantation or AF arriving sadly it was the latter :cry: I hope with time you start to feel a little better :flower:

Well we had our immunology blood tests today - I had to fill 10 vitals :shock: and DH only 1 - why is it the men get away with things so lightly :dohh: I thought we would have to wait about 6 weeks to get the results back but been told today to contact them in 3. Although we're planning a holiday for March and won't start any treatment again till after then, not sure if I can wait that long but DH wants us to have a nice holiday before we start again.

Sending all you lovely ladies lots of hugs :hugs: stay strong and remember there are people out there who understand :flower:


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## silarose28

Hi Helen

So sorry you got BFN. Sending you lots of:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Lolly1985

Helen, really sorry to hear your sad news. I hope you have good support from all your family and friends, and of course you always have us girlies on this thread :hugs: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Tory123

Hi Everyone

So sorry helen here for you x

Inky I had 4 forzen embroys and they thawed all of them 2 of them didn't expand for me but had the other two put back. I also have done alot of research and they are a lot of babies born from FET so you are right to be positive. My doctor even said they are really strong ones as they survive freezing and thawing although it wasnt for me. The reason could be due to I have really low AMH and I was OHSS and it just wasnt meant to be. Good luck with your next cycle keep us posted x

I have been so upset over IVF not working and its especially hard it being Christmas. I have given myself a four year plan. I am 36 in Feb so bet to stop at 40 and 10 years of trying well anyway my plan is 2 more IVF NHS funded. Then I will change hospitals and try two paid attemps. If this still doesn't work then will try two egg donor and then will adopt a baby. I know this is followed with loads of heart ache probably impossible but I feel a tiny bit better now I have a plan. Has anyone else got a plan? or you just going with the flow x

Tory xxx


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## silarose28

Hiya everyone

Missmonty - 10 vials wow! I know what you mean about waiting - it's awful. Though it can be really nice to have a holiday before you get going again - we did that last year in Morocco and I had such a nice time - it's good to de- stress in preparation for ivf.

Tory - my plan is pretty much the same as yours. I am having private ivf cycles in between my nhs ones. The nhs make you wait 6 months between each go here which is too long for me (I am 37 and am a poor responder which means time is running out for me!) Anyway musn't complain as at least I am able to have nhs treatment - though I am petrified that will be cut soon! I too am planning to do donor eggs if Im not successful. I think we will go to Spain as it is anonymous there and the donors are well paid so they are young and very fertile! My friend just got pregnant with donor eggs in a clinic just outside Alicante. After having my miscarriage though I really want to conceive with my own eggs - please please let that happen!!!!

Helen - how are you feeling honey?

Hi to everyone else too 

xxxxxx


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## Inky2006

Tory123 said:


> Hi Everyone
> 
> So sorry helen here for you x
> 
> Inky I had 4 forzen embroys and they thawed all of them 2 of them didn't expand for me but had the other two put back. I also have done alot of research and they are a lot of babies born from FET so you are right to be positive. My doctor even said they are really strong ones as they survive freezing and thawing although it wasnt for me. The reason could be due to I have really low AMH and I was OHSS and it just wasnt meant to be. Good luck with your next cycle keep us posted x
> 
> I have been so upset over IVF not working and its especially hard it being Christmas. I have given myself a four year plan. I am 36 in Feb so bet to stop at 40 and 10 years of trying well anyway my plan is 2 more IVF NHS funded. Then I will change hospitals and try two paid attemps. If this still doesn't work then will try two egg donor and then will adopt a baby. I know this is followed with loads of heart ache probably impossible but I feel a tiny bit better now I have a plan. Has anyone else got a plan? or you just going with the flow x
> 
> Tory xxx

Thank you for your comments. Makes me feel abit more optimistic. My plan almost mirrors yours. I am of a similar age so know how you feel. I think its good to have a plan. My thoughts are that I will be a mum whatever, even if not in the conventional sense and I think this really helps me cope. Hopefully it will happen for us soon without going down the donor or adoption route. I know how you feel about christmas as well. Its hard, and last christmas I thought I would have a baby now. We went to my husbands cousins wedding this time last year. She has just had a baby. (this feels like a bitter blow -but have to pretend to be happy for her and coo over the baby ) So I can relate to your story. I am determined to stay positive ( despite having many moments of self doubt)xxxx


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## Helen76

Hey Silarose I am feeling surprisingly okay (although a bit worried that it maybe just hasn't hit me yet!).

I think like others on here I'm just concentrating on my plans for the future. I have started Agnus Castus to see if that helps with the spotting and possibly to bring forward ovulation (I tend to ovulate day 21 or after). 

I still don't understand why it didn't work but I know people who got lucky on the third attempt so I don't think it means it won't work for me at some point.

I'm going to just enjoy Xmas and then look forward to my follow up appointment next year. Definitely still feeling like I need a break from it all so wouldn't expect to start until April or later (I think!! I may change my mind - a woman's prerogative!!). 

Hello to everyone else.

H xx


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## Lolly1985

Hello everyone! 

I hope you all as good as can be expected. I just want to say i'm sorry for everyone's heartache and am continuing to pray for all of us and fingers crossed for our happy ending.

My plan is to continue with my further two nhs cycles. Sadly if they don't work I really don't think we will be in a position to pay for another privately. Its a bit of a catch 22 as if we paid for another and it worked it would be worth every penny 100 times over. But if it didn't we would have no money left to get married which would really hinder our chances of adopting. Although I want my own child so so much I ultimately want to be a mum through any means possible and would be happy to adopt. I think as I work with children and have fostered, i've been able to build up really close relationships with children which arn't my own and know that any child adopted would feel like my baby. I also think that if we adopted I would feel like the failed IVFs were for a reason as it lead me to my adopted child which by that point would feel like the best thing that ever happened to me. Its hard to explain properly what I mean as its all bottled up but makes sense to me! Hope people understand what i'm trying to say.

The drugs and failed attempt are really hitting me badly at the moment. I had my first zolodex injection on friday and have cried most of weekend since. Its hard as my family live away, think thats making it worse. Even though I always always said I would do no matter what to have a baby I wonder how long I can keep putting myself physically and mentally through this without cracking. I have known I had fertility problems for 5 1/2 years and am suprised how we all keep going sometimes.

Sorry for the really long post, think I needed to pour some of it out! I know there are people here who have gone through much harder times than these and hope I don't sound too selfish.

I'm glad I found this group, it helps so much. Much love to all of you amazing ladies, Lolly xxxxxxxx


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## Inky2006

Lolly1985 said:


> Hello everyone!
> 
> I hope you all as good as can be expected. I just want to say i'm sorry for everyone's heartache and am continuing to pray for all of us and fingers crossed for our happy ending.
> 
> My plan is to continue with my further two nhs cycles. Sadly if they don't work I really don't think we will be in a position to pay for another privately. Its a bit of a catch 22 as if we paid for another and it worked it would be worth every penny 100 times over. But if it didn't we would have no money left to get married which would really hinder our chances of adopting. Although I want my own child so so much I ultimately want to be a mum through any means possible and would be happy to adopt. I think as I work with children and have fostered, i've been able to build up really close relationships with children which arn't my own and know that any child adopted would feel like my baby. I also think that if we adopted I would feel like the failed IVFs were for a reason as it lead me to my adopted child which by that point would feel like the best thing that ever happened to me. Its hard to explain properly what I mean as its all bottled up but makes sense to me! Hope people understand what i'm trying to say.
> 
> The drugs and failed attempt are really hitting me badly at the moment. I had my first zolodex injection on friday and have cried most of weekend since. Its hard as my family live away, think thats making it worse. Even though I always always said I would do no matter what to have a baby I wonder how long I can keep putting myself physically and mentally through this without cracking. I have known I had fertility problems for 5 1/2 years and am suprised how we all keep going sometimes.
> 
> Sorry for the really long post, think I needed to pour some of it out! I know there are people here who have gone through much harder times than these and hope I don't sound too selfish.
> 
> I'm glad I found this group, it helps so much. Much love to all of you amazing ladies, Lolly xxxxxxxx

Oh lolly sorry to hear you are feeling down. You aren't selfish. Its helps to write it all down. I know it helps me. Just know you aren't alone. I just keep repeating the mantra that I will get there in the endxx

Inksxxxxxxxxx


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## Tory123

Hi Girls

I have had a really bad day today. Naively I thought I had turned a corner and wouldn't cry anymore and would be more positive. No it has hit me today think it might of been my uncle has just had a baby which I am really pleased about. He has named the baby after my dead grandad which I think is lovely. It just makes me think of how proud of this my grandad would be but I can't do this for us at the moment.

Sorry to bring the thread down beat what . Especially with my 4 year plan and reading everyone elses.

Take care

Tory xx


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

Inky - good luck for your appointment tomorrow.

Helen - my fiend just got pregnant on her 3rd go so there is defo hope. I've tried agnus castus before - think it did help my luteal phase a bit (it was only 6 days!) 

Lolly - don't feel bad for sharing. 5 1/2 years is a long time to keep strong and go through all of this! You're doing really well believe me!

Tory - there is nothing like a new baby to hammer home how much we would love to have little ones of our own. Myself - I find it very hard to enjoy my friends' children at the mo and I hate it! It's self-preservation not to be around new mums talking baby talk constantly. Makes me feel so isolated that I can't join in. i so hope that I will be able to 1 day.

I keep having thoughts that IVF won't work twice in a row - I so hope my BFP wasn't my last!!! Fx'd and I will be starting again as soon as af arrives - I'm 37 so there can be no wait for me. I'm dreading OTD more that anything - can't bear the thought of another BFN!!

Here's hoping that we all get some good luck next time round xxxxxx


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## MySillyGirls

After my last failed IVF, we have decided to definitely give it one more go. I'll start stims in a few weeks. This will be it though. The last chance! If it does not work, we may adopt again. I can't believe I am now 38. UGH!! When did this happen??

Lolly, you are right! Adoption is amazing and is a wonderful wonderful option. We adopted my 6 year old daughter at the age of 13 mos and she couldn't be more my baby. I also have an 8 year old bio daughter and they are both equally precious to me. 

We initially stepped into ivf because our insurance would pay for one and a half cycles. So, we will fund this second cycle partially ourselves. But, after that, I also can't privately pay for another and also have the funds to adopt. 

Good luck to all!!


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## Helen76

Hello everyone. 

I can't get on to post much at the minute but just wanted to reinforce that Lolly and whoever shouldn't feel bad about posting anything,, no matter how long.

Thanks for kind words Silarose, here's hoping! 

Big, Big Hugs Tory. Going to post this message in two parts as my phone is crap.


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## Helen76

2nd part. Also good luck to Inky for your appointment and My Silly Girls for starting stimms.

I meant to say in first post that I have everything crossed for you Silarose and will be rooting for you all the way, as I am with all you lovely ladies


H xx .


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## Helen76

I'm such a div! I came on here to post something and got distracted by the other posts.

What I wanted to say is that Lolly, that is such a young age to discover you have fertility problems. Most of us were in blissful ignorance when we were your age. 

I also think you're doing the right thing by getting married, I'm sure you'll have the most fantastic day. You also have a really healthy attitude about adoption. I think you're an inspiration!

H x 
x


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## MissMonty

Hey ladies - sending you all massive hugs :hugs:

Tory - I know how you feel, I often have bad days that seem to last for ever at the mo, just as I'm starting to feeling more positive something slaps me in the face!

We've kind of go a plan for the coming year, we're waiting for our immunology level 1 tests to come back then we think we'll also have the level 2 tests, we're planning a holiday for March 2011 and plan to start our next fresh ICSI cycle April/May time all being well, as this will be our second self funded cycle we are going to see how we feel about further cycles in the future. DH and I did say by the end of 2011 we will make a choice if to continue or not, we love the idea of adopting, and have discussed adopting even if IVF works for us. :flower:


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## Inky2006

Hi guys

Tory - Its very difficult when someone close in the family has a baby. You haven't brought the thread down at all. At the moment I think you probably still feel quite raw - a feeling I can relate to.

Sila - good luck on your next cycle. Really gunning for you. 

MySillyGirls - I am so sorry your cycle didn't work. I hope this next cycle works for you. Thank you for writing about adoption. I, like Lolly have considered this and have made a decision that I will adopt if the next two cycles of IVF do not work. I think it is a wonderful thing to do. I can imagine loving a child as my own. Thank you so much for sharing that.

Lolly - keep going. Hope you are okay. Also think what you said about adoption was wonderful. However, I think IVF will work for you. 

Helen - Hope you are okay - thanks for your supportx


I saw the nurse today at the clinic. Just an update. I start FET in January on a natural cycle. It will be towards the end of Jan as this is when Jan cycle starts. The reason I can't have it earlier is that the clinic closes for 2 weeks over christmas and Jan (to deep clean the lab - hopefully they won't deep clean my embies away!!!) Anyway, I am pleased because a natural cycle means I don't have any meds to control it. Although, techinically that is a lie because I do have to do an Ovitrelle injection and cyclogest suppositories. The downside to FET is that you cannot always guaranttee a thaw, so although I have 5 frozen embies, there is only 60 - 70 % thaw rate at my clinic. We'll have to wait and see. I am not totally positive it will work but am trying so so hard to remain positive. Anyway, at least means I can enjoy christmas and new year and can drink lots of alcohol!!!!xxx


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## MySillyGirls

MissMonty said:


> Hey ladies - sending you all massive hugs :hugs:
> 
> Tory - I know how you feel, I often have bad days that seem to last for ever at the mo, just as I'm starting to feeling more positive something slaps me in the face!
> 
> We've kind of go a plan for the coming year, we're waiting for our immunology level 1 tests to come back then we think we'll also have the level 2 tests, we're planning a holiday for March 2011 and plan to start our next fresh ICSI cycle April/May time all being well, as this will be our second self funded cycle we are going to see how we feel about further cycles in the future. DH and I did say by the end of 2011 we will make a choice if to continue or not, we love the idea of adopting, and have discussed adopting even if IVF works for us. :flower:

Miss Monty, the funny thing about our adoption is that we didn't know we had fertility problems at the time (and, I guess we probably didn't). We had had a bio daughter and thought, let's add to our fam through adoption. We were just in love with the idea. Fast forward 5 years and we thought, let's try to get pregnant again (choosing this due to the costs of adoption) and, guess what, I have diminished ovarian reserve and dh has low count and motility. So, we thought, ok, since insurance will pay for it, let's try fertility treatments. After an IUI (post wash count for dh below 5mm) and a failed IVF, I am sitting back stunned. It never ever occurred to me that this would be difficult for us. So, we will be partially self pay on this second cycle which will cost us around 8k. Part of me thinks we shouldn't do it as 8k would go a long way with adoption. But, the other part of me is convinced that this is what we need to do and we are too far in to stop now. LOL!! Prior to starting the ivf, we actually paid the initial fees to start adoption again from either China or Russia. 

Here's the thing, though. Our ivf doc did say we have an "escape hatch." If we see I am not stimming well (my first cycle I didn't), we may bail and go to iui before the retrieval. This time, our cycle will be a week of lupron then follistim and repronex. I hope this new protocal is better than last time.

I am glad this thread is here. I could use the insights of you fabulous ladies :) Hugs to each of you! Btw, I have attached a pic of my little one when we first adopted her..just a bit of positivity of for those of you contemplating that in your mind.
 



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## Inky2006

Hi Missmonty
Just saw you had written - did not want to leave you out. I think I can relate to alot of what you say. I hope it works for you in the new year. I think its good that you have booked a holiday before the next treatment starts. I think I need to follow your example and go on holiday soon alsoxxxx


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## MissMonty

MySillyGirls said:


> Miss Monty, the funny thing about our adoption is that we didn't know we had fertility problems at the time (and, I guess we probably didn't). We had had a bio daughter and thought, let's add to our fam through adoption. We were just in love with the idea. Fast forward 5 years and we thought, let's try to get pregnant again (choosing this due to the costs of adoption) and, guess what, I have diminished ovarian reserve and dh has low count and motility. So, we thought, ok, since insurance will pay for it, let's try fertility treatments. After an IUI (post wash count for dh below 5mm) and a failed IVF, I am sitting back stunned. It never ever occurred to me that this would be difficult for us. So, we will be partially self pay on this second cycle which will cost us around 8k. Part of me thinks we shouldn't do it as 8k would go a long way with adoption. But, the other part of me is convinced that this is what we need to do and we are too far in to stop now. LOL!! Prior to starting the ivf, we actually paid the initial fees to start adoption again from either China or Russia.
> 
> Here's the thing, though. Our ivf doc did say we have an "escape hatch." If we see I am not stimming well (my first cycle I didn't), we may bail and go to iui before the retrieval. This time, our cycle will be a week of lupron then follistim and repronex. I hope this new protocal is better than last time.
> 
> I am glad this thread is here. I could use the insights of you fabulous ladies :) Hugs to each of you! Btw, I have attached a pic of my little one when we first adopted her..just a bit of positivity of for those of you contemplating that in your mind.

Hi MySillyGirls -the picture of your daughter is adorable she looks so happy. DH and I always talk about how wonderful it would be to adopt, we talk about the excitment we hope to see on their little faces when they see their room for the first time and when we take them to the park to feed the ducks, just little things really. I think adoption is such a selfless act but I know it can be a difficult and timely process. It's something we are seriously thinking about - thanks for sharing your story xx


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## MissMonty

Inky2006 said:


> I saw the nurse today at the clinic. Just an update. I start FET in January on a natural cycle. It will be towards the end of Jan as this is when Jan cycle starts. The reason I can't have it earlier is that the clinic closes for 2 weeks over christmas and Jan (to deep clean the lab - hopefully they won't deep clean my embies away!!!) Anyway, I am pleased because a natural cycle means I don't have any meds to control it. Although, techinically that is a lie because I do have to do an Ovitrelle injection and cyclogest suppositories. The downside to FET is that you cannot always guaranttee a thaw, so although I have 5 frozen embies, there is only 60 - 70 % thaw rate at my clinic. We'll have to wait and see. I am not totally positive it will work but am trying so so hard to remain positive. Anyway, at least means I can enjoy christmas and new year and can drink lots of alcohol!!!!xxx

Hi Inky - great to see your appointment went well and you can start again in the New Year. I'm sure your little embies will be safe and sound during the deep clean. We only had one frozen embie after our first ISCI cycle, I was shocked and amazed when they phoned the morning of the transfer to let me know it had survived the thaw x


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## Inky2006

Hi Miss Monty

By the way I agree with you about 'MySillyGirls' daughter she is georgous. It lifts the spirit thinking there are other options. I like you ,may adopt even if IVF does work - because feel it is a wonderful thing to do. My hairdresser was adopted. She is only 22, she said for her it was like winning the lottery. She has never felt the desire to find her real mother. (I think her real parents were drug abusers) Anyway, thank you for your words. Did you have a natural cycle of FET also. Its abit of an unknown to me. That is amazing that the one embie survived the thaw. Although they say it only takes one. having not experienced it yet interested to know what your experience was. (I note you still have one more frozen too) I'm also really interested to see what your results are from immunity testing. Its not something I have had to go through yet but may have to, so am learning from you (sorry you have to go through it at all )xxxxxx

Hope everyone else is okay. Anyway, I better get off babyandbump got to go to my French class soon (although would rather stay in, in the warm)xxxx


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## Lolly1985

Hello Everyone

I want to thank you all for your kind words, some of the posts made me well up! It means so much, and all the positivity has made me feel much stronger again.

Tori - Thanks for starting the 4 year plan! Its good to hear everyones experiences and makes you realise that no matter how hard times are, there's always light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you are feeling stronger.

Silarose - You can get your BFP twice! I hope your cycle goes really well and have everything crossed for you!

MySillyGirls - Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your daughter is gorgeous! All your fertility problems must have been a bit out of the blue after having your children. After a successful natural pregnancy I really do feel positive that this next cycle of IVF will work for you. I can only imagine how precious your children must be during this difficult time.

Helen - I'm so glad you are doing so well. I hope you continue to make positive steps, and that actually makes you the inspiration!

MissMonty - I think you do right by setting yourself a target, and by the end of 2011 you will be much clearer of your next steps. A holiday is a great plan. We went away after our failed cycle and it was honestly the best thing we could have done.

Inky - I'm sure your little embies will be little fighters! Its great that you have 5 snow babies. I think a good christmas is just what you need before it kicks off again in January! Enjoy the alcohol while you still can! I've heard very postive stories about FET, a lot due to the reduced drug intake. I really am praying that the founder of this thread can soon be a big success story!

I am feeling what I can only discribe as more stable at the moment. I think this is due to many factors, a big one being you guys! But also my mum is up for christmas next week and I can't wait for time off with my family. And I think the initial surge of hormones from the injection is starting to settle down, just the hot flushes to look forward to now!! Happy days!

Sending everyone but hugs and positive vibes,

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxx


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## MissMonty

Inky2006 said:


> Hi Miss Monty
> 
> By the way I agree with you about 'MySillyGirls' daughter she is georgous. It lifts the spirit thinking there are other options. I like you ,may adopt even if IVF does work - because feel it is a wonderful thing to do. My hairdresser was adopted. She is only 22, she said for her it was like winning the lottery. She has never felt the desire to find her real mother. (I think her real parents were drug abusers) Anyway, thank you for your words. Did you have a natural cycle of FET also. Its abit of an unknown to me. That is amazing that the one embie survived the thaw. Although they say it only takes one. having not experienced it yet interested to know what your experience was. (I note you still have one more frozen too) I'm also really interested to see what your results are from immunity testing. Its not something I have had to go through yet but may have to, so am learning from you (sorry you have to go through it at all )xxxxxx
> 
> Hope everyone else is okay. Anyway, I better get off babyandbump got to go to my French class soon (although would rather stay in, in the warm)xxxx

Hey Inky - I hope you enjoyed your French class :flower: 

I had a medicated frozen transfer, I only had one embie left to freeze after my 1st fresh cycle. I started progynova tablets 3 times per day on cycle day 1, CD9 I had my only scan, CD13 started pressies and CD15 had embryo cycle, physically it was less stressful and much quicker than a whole fresh cycle. I've got one frozen embie left from my second fresh cycle. I don't seem to get many embies but they are all good quality and that's why we have been advised to have immunology tests, get the results in January and will let you all know the outcome.

Lolly - its great to hear you're feeling a little better and you've got spending time with your family to look forward to :flower:

I hope everyone else is well - sending you all lots of hugs :hugs:


----------



## Helen76

MissMonty said:


> Hey ladies - sending you all massive hugs :hugs:
> 
> Tory - I know how you feel, I often have bad days that seem to last for ever at the mo, just as I'm starting to feeling more positive something slaps me in the face!
> 
> We've kind of go a plan for the coming year, we're waiting for our immunology level 1 tests to come back then we think we'll also have the level 2 tests, we're planning a holiday for March 2011 and plan to start our next fresh ICSI cycle April/May time all being well, as this will be our second self funded cycle we are going to see how we feel about further cycles in the future. DH and I did say by the end of 2011 we will make a choice if to continue or not, we love the idea of adopting, and have discussed adopting even if IVF works for us. :flower:

It's been a busy posting day today!! 

Miss Monty your story is so similar to mine. Our next steps are more tests (although not immunology), they think I might have a problem with my left tube. After that I'll be looking to start another cycle April/May time (after a holiday in March) and we've also said we'll make that call at the end of 2011 too!! (everything crossed we don't get there....)

Inky - glad your appointment went well and yay for Xmas drinking! :thumbup:

Lolly - really glad to hear you're feeling a bit better about things. :)

MySillyGirls - what a beautiful girl and really good to hear a positive story about adopting. :)

Tory - hope you're feeling better, it just takes time and we are here for you. :hugs:

Hi to Sila too! (and anyone I've missed)

H xx


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## MySillyGirls

Thanks, ladies, on your sweet comments about my girl. She's mama's baby. LOL! 

I hope we all get the bfp or the special blessing we are looking for in 2011. I am praying for all of us.


----------



## Tory123

Hi Girls

Hope your all o.k

I have managed to get a cancellation to see the FS about my failed IVF.

I am going to ask the FS the following questions but can anyone think of anything else I should ask?

Why didn't it work? Bit more polite then that but you know what I mean
Last time I OHSS what medication will be different this time?
What are my chances of success? What else can they do to increase success?
Will I have a better chance on ICSI rather than IVF
When will it start?

If anyone can think of anything else, let me know x

Tory xx


----------



## silarose28

Hi everyone

I have felt soooo crappy today. Just found out that I might be made redundant in jan which is making me so scared for the 1 reason that I probably need to fund more ivf! Had a major problem in work too urgh! Been on the verge of tears constantly and feel so low. Going to see the GP tomorrow as surely I should be feeling better by now?! (m/c on 20th Nov). I've experienced anxiety before but not this - it's awful!!!! I feel like it is just 1 thing after another and has been for over 2 years now! I try and think of all the good things in my life (friends/family/dh etc.) and I am truly grateful - but I really am depressed! I think I need some help but I just don't know what - don't want to take drugs or anything like that and counselling has never really helped me. I'm wondering if I am 'ready' for next cycle but I honestly will crack up if I wait!!! (I'm 37 so time truely is runnning out!)


Sorry to moan but I am having a really bad day. Think I am due to get af within a week or so so maybe my hormones are going nuts after my m/c.


----------



## MissMonty

Good evening ladies :flower:

Tory - great news you have a cancellation - your questions are very similar to the questions I had. You might want to ask if and how they will alter your protocol, I'm not too sure how many cycles you have had and had many eggs/embies you gained from your last cycle. We have had ICSI and as I understand the fertilisation rate seems to be better with ICSI, so if there was an issue there ICSI could be an option. Maybe some of the other ladies will have more ideas - I really hope you have a positive appointment and get some answers :hugs:

Silarose - so sorry to hear you are not feeling good :hugs: Fears of redudancy are just pants and I can imagine just adds extra pressure to an already stressful situation. TBH I'm still feeling crap after failed ICSI and my OTD was 5th November - it's still very early days for you. I said to my DH tonight that I feel like a robot - get up in the morning and put on a brave face and go to work and then come home and feel like crap and try and prepare myself mentally for the next day. You need time to grieve, I sometimes wonder if trying to get things back to normal asap can be detrimental. Don't apologise - you're not alone (although I know it may feel that way) we are here to support each other - let us know how you get on with your GP tomorrow xx :hugs::hugs:


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## Helen76

Silarose, big hugs coming to you.

I know there is the age thing to consider but giving yourself that extra few weeks might make the difference with your mental health. That's what I'm hoping for. 

I think you're right to see your GP but just be mindful about taking time off work if there is a potential redundancy situation. It shouldn't but it might make you a bit vulnerable


----------



## Helen76

Sorry had to do this in two parts again.

I'm not trying to spook you Silarose on the work front, just offering a bit of advice. On the flipside could you take redundancy and maybe temp for a while?

Really hope things get better for you.

H xx


----------



## silarose28

Thanks Ladies

MissMonty - Thanks for the hugs. So wierd that you describe things like being a robot as that is exactly how I described it to someone today. I am just getting through the day but don't really feel like part of anything! I'm not sure what else to do but get on with it as staying at home would make me worse and like Helen says I'd be a bit vulnerable taking time off at the mo with redundance looming.

Helen- thanks for the kind words and advice. I'm a bit scared about temping as have bee doing this job for over 10 years now, Might be good to mix things up though - they say a change is as good as a rest!

Tory I can't really think of anything to add to your list but I took a pencil and paper along to my appointment and write the answers my fs gave me down (stopped me forgetting!). He really didn't mind at all. Oh and I also asked about natural things we could do to help ourselves - but he didn't really say much that we hadn't seen on the internet anyway. 


Hello everyone else. Am really tired so am going to stop writing now but will catch up with you all properly tomorrow. Sorry my post has been all about me tonight - hope you are all ok xxxxxx


----------



## Inky2006

Hi everyone

Silarose - I am so sorry to hear you feel so down. I think as MissMonty said it is early days for you. You have been through abit of a trauma. As for the age thing. In my job I have come to realise 'age' is merely a number. Its really to do with how fit you are, and how well you look after yourself. Diet and exercise! 

Sorry to hear about your job, will you get any redundancy pay. , I know 3 people that have been made redundant. Its a difficult time. It does add to your stress, but as Helen said maybe you could temp. It might work out to be more flexible for you. 

When you feel down it is hard to look at lifes positives. Its when you can't get out of bed that it becomes a problem. You might actually benefit from a very mild anti- depressant, you could ask the doctor. It depends I think what you can take with your treatment. I think counselling would be better because it seems as if you are grieving at the moment. Anyway, just wanted to give you abit of support. I know a little about depression, as was struck by it in my early 20s. x

Tori - hope your appt goes well. I think Missmonty covers it with her advice.x

Lolly - I hope you get some well deserved pampering from your mum, There is after all no one to make it better like your mum (this is how I feel anyway)

My Sillygirls - hope you are okay. I hope you get your baby soon. x

helen - Hope you are enjoying your nights out - at least you got some good advice from the nurse ( Think I read in your journal)x

MissMonty - sorry you feel down too. I have posted a comment in your journalx

With lots of christmas fairy dust
Inksx



S


----------



## MySillyGirls

Hi, ladies! I hope you are all well! It is easy to overwhelmed right now, especially with the holidays upon us...

I have an appointment in the morning for initial bloods and ultrasounds, then will start the bcps again on Sat. Here we go again...! Back on the rollercoaster...


----------



## MissMonty

Hi ladies :flower:

Silarose - how are you feeling today and how did you get on with your GP? I hope you're ok :hugs:

MySillyGirls - good luck with your appointment tomorrow xx

Inky and Helen - thank you for posting in my journal :flower:

How's everyone else doing? 

I'm on count down now - only 4 working days left for me :happydance:


----------



## silarose28

Hi everyone

Went to the GP today and had a good old cry. I am going to have counselling. Feel a bit better.

Mysillygirls - Ahh your little girl is sooo cute! Good luck with this cycle. I am waiting for af in next week or so and will start bcps then so hopefully we can be cycle buddies.

Inky - I'm rooting for you and your frosties! Hopefully we can all be buddies and support each other next cycle.

Missmonty - let us know when you get your results back - I'm sure they will help you get your bfp!

Helenttc - hope you are feeling a bit better. When will you be having your tests done?

Hello to everyone else too - it's difficult keeping up with posts ha ha!


----------



## Greta

Hello everyone, Yes this long-term tcc is very upsetting. I just found out my third IVF has failed. We have had a tough year. The first time we did IVF we had no fertilization and now we have done two ICSIS. The first one in the summer I felt lucky to have two blastcysts (not great quality) put back and on the most recent attempt I got seven eggs, six fertilized and I had two grade 1 and one grade 2 put back. But still no luck! 
My DH has some antibodies and I am 41 which is obviously pretty old for this. But they said I do produce good embroys so have not been advised to stop. However, next time we will probably do assisted hatching. So doing the most technical of the most technical. I feel kind of OK, but my DH is really upset this time. I feel very sad for him. My plan is to spend a few months getting to the height of health and emotionall well being. I am going to try traditional Chinese medicine, acupunture, yoga, meditation and have very healthy diet. I know it may not help, but then I'll really know I have tried. A book that is really helping me is Conquering Infertility by Alice Domar. It suggests how feeling down and infertility can be a vicious circle and I know this has happened to me. I want to still enjoy my life and put this problem in a little box which is there but not taking over the whole time. Good luck to everyone next year and it would be good to follow everyone's stories and support each other. Greta. xx


----------



## Helen76

So sorry to hear your story Greta and welcome.

It sounds like you're being very positive about things, it's such a difficult journey and I think anything is worth a try so you do right to try what you're planning.

Thinking of you,
H xx


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## Lolly1985

Hello Everyone

Silarose I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. Talk about kicking you when you are down. Life can be cruel and i'm glad you've been to see your GP. I really hope you get some benefit out of the councelling. I know I did and will be going back and having it throughout my next cycle. Sending you lots of love.

Hi Greta. Sorry you've had to join this group. It sounds like you've had a hard time of it and its a credit to you that you seem to remain so positive. I think you do right to try some alternative treatments. If the conventional way hasn't worked then anything is worth a good go at. Then at least you can say you have tried everything within your power. I also hope your hubby is holding up ok.

Hi Tory, when is your appointment? I hope it goes/has gone as well as can be expected.

MySillyGirls, how'd your appointment go today? Hoping you got on ok and wishing you lots of luck.

Hi Helen, Miss Monty and Inky, I hope you are all well and looking forward to Christmas, can't believe it'll be xmas eve in a week! Yay!

Hello to anyone i've missed, sorry, i'm full of a cold at the moment and in true seasonal style am sporting a red nose to match! My brain is all over the place, have so much to do before christmas and can't afford to be ill so its soldier on and keep popping the pills for me! Lots of love and christmas cheer!! Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxx :flower:


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## Tory123

Hi Girls


I had my follow up appointment today. Big arguement with hubby first of all didn't help the appointment was at 1.30 and our foster son comes out of school at 3.30 my mum had already said she would have him if we were not back in time. My DH was saying cancel this appointment so your mum doesn't have to come down she lives about 1 hour away. I phoned the clinic and they said the next appointment is the 11th Jan well that seemed too far away for me. He was saying I need to chill out and he wants his old wife back. I broke down crying and said I am going with or without him (not really nutty, but if only I could produce sperm on my own lol). In the end he came but he started saying not going to start again until april which stared another row. Anyway went over what went wrong and they did mention OHSS and will change my protocol to short one and not so many drugs to try and get fresh transfer without OHSS. As it turns out the next appointment to start was not to April so DH was quite happy. He did say after that he would of started sooner if it was possible but he thinks we both need a break from IVF. Sorry Helen I know I have already moaned to you x

Does anyone else sometimes think there DH do not realise the urgency?

Toryx


----------



## silarose28

Hiya Tory 

Sounds really familiar to me. When I started all of this with my DH I had to wait around as he had some time off between jobs and wanted to visit relatives/relax etc. I felt really resentful. I had fought and fought to get us to the point where we could have nhs ivf and then he was making me wait around. I think it was the age thing that was really worrying me (I am 37). 

I know how you feel - really wanting to get going. I think it's our instincts kicking in - our natural drive to become mothers. I have chatted to loads of ivf ladies who say that their men just didn't 'get' this to the same degree. Since we have had a miscarriage my DH is beginning to see how I have been feeling for the last 2 years - he is now becoming as desperate as me whereas previously he had his head in the sand and didn't want to recognise that there was a real issue!

We had a holiday before our ivf kicked off and, though I didn't really want to go, it did do me the world of good. As your appointment is not until April maybe try to build some time in for a break or enjoyable activities togther. Sounds to me like your DH is feeling stressed and it would probably do you both good to have some 'you' time (as frustrating as it is to wait around until April - with ivf it's the waiting around that is truely the killer!):hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## silarose28

Oh and hi Lolly -hope your cold it not too bad - Loads of people seeming to be coming down with bugs at the mo. I had a terrible cold a few weeks back which lasted ages! x


----------



## Lolly1985

Hi Tory, Hi everyone!

Sounds like quite a stressful day but seems like a positive outcome for both of you in the end. I'm glad they are changing things to hopefully suit you better next cycle.

Yes I agree with that statement that the darling men in our lives don't always get it. But I guess how can they? I get angry with my OH sometimes for not understanding but then its my body so I can't really expect him to I guess. When I found out I needed 3 months worth of Zolodex injections I was really upset. I mean a bit OTT to be honest! And all he kept saying was it was good to wait a bit longer so we can enjoy christmas, save more money, I can finish at uni (i'm doing a degree that finshes in may) etc etc. But I'd already waited 3 months! Felt I needed that but then just as I was feeling ready to go again they land it on me that I need to wait another 3?!! Was too much. We also ended up rowing as I couldn't understand why he wanted to keep waiting and started asking if this is what he really wanted etc. Silly questions but by that point I was too upset to be rational!

Its really hard because we just want to plough through sometimes and I think they don't always realise the urgancy in having the much longed for baby. My partner is always trying to put his sesible head on, like I said, justifying why waiting is a good thing. But sometimes its not. End of!!

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Eeeek!! Don't tell me that Silarose... i need this gone by crimbo!! :wacko:

I hope you are doing ok and have a super lovely weekend! xxxxx


----------



## MySillyGirls

Hiya, girls! The appointment yesterday went well. I am on BCPs for two weeks, starting yesterday. I go back for an appointment on 12/30. then, I start a lupron overlay with my bcps for one week. Then, I will start on 300 Follistim and 75 Repronex on approximately 1/6. So, if I stim well this time (praying) then I will have EC around 1/18-1/20. I am sooo afraid I won't stim well. We have decided we will bail if it looks like I am stimming poorly like last time. But, since the protocal is different (didn't do lupron last time, follistim instead of gonal at higher dose) I am crossing my fingers this works. Yikes!! 

Today, I am frazzled! LOL! I have just found out that my 6 year old had started placing the cat in her room at night (and shutting the door). Apparently, she has been doing this since my 8 yr old moved into her own room last week. WELL..the cat urinated all over a pile of clothes, etc. Holy cow. Good times.


----------



## Helen76

Hey everyone.

MySillyGirls - poor you with the cat! Hope you and your girls (and cat) have a lovely Xmas and then a hugely successful IVF cycle x

I think I'm quite lucky that my DH is quite supportive with appointments etc and stuff but men can't possibly understand what we go through, maybe they should have a cycle of drugs and then they'd see ha ha!

I totally understand about the appt though, last time our follow up appt was scheduled for the week we were away on hol so I rang up to reschedule and they said their first appointment was about a month after that. I cried buckets, I was so desolate. I'd asked them if they had a cancellation to let me know and a few days later I got a letter with an appointment the week before we went on holiday, I was so relieved.

This time I'm a bit more chilled out (for now) we've got our follow up appointment on 24 Jan so I think we could potentially get started in Feb but I really do feel that I need a break and I want to concentrate on seeing if there are any problems with me that they can fix before a third attempt. I'm waffling a bit now but basically Tory we may well end up being cycle buddies again.

Lolly - I'm full of cold too but determined to shift it by Xmas!!

Hi - to everyone else.

H xx


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## flower18

Hi ladies...it's sad to see so many ppl in this thread...It's not fair! I hope everyone though is finding strength to press on and keep on trying. We've decided we're going to do a FET this January...I'm excited, nervous, looking for other things I can do differently! Has anyone here tried acupuncture? 

I can't wait to put an end to this awful year...Just yesterday at a party two of my husband's cousins announced they were preggo...I nearly choked on my drink :( and to top it off, one of them have the same due date I would have had if I got pregnant with IVF/ICSI in November :( I was telling my girlfriend I guess ppl like us have to hit rock bottom before things get better...if that makes any sense! Well I hope you guys are unwinding as the holiday approaches and taking a little time for something that matters...YOU!


----------



## Tory123

Hi Girls

I know how you feel flower seems like everyone around me is announcing that someone is pregnant. We always go out with a group of people and spend birthdays and new year etc together. This year one of the member of the group is pregnant and not going out and has asked everyone round there. Everyone is going and I have told my DH don't think I could sit there all night talking about babies. This has left us with not much to do NY Eve.

I did do accupunture and think it helped especially as they thought I would be a poor responder when in fact I got 32 eggs not good but don't think that was down to accupunture.

I have got to April and going to start accupunture in the New Year. I am also defintely losing a stone and doing more exercise, I say more I hardly do any. I have ordered Wheatgerm and DHEA as have heard this good regarding low overian reserve. Has anyone else got anything they are going to do before the next IVF?

Take care my friends and hope you have as much as possible a lovely christmas

Tory


----------



## silarose28

Hi Tory

Where did you get your dhea? How much do you have to take? I have thought about it but am a bit scared! I've heard it can hep poor responders which is me all over x


----------



## silarose28

Hi Flower - I tried acupuncture and will start again with my new cycle in the new year. Not sure if it helped my fertility but it went a long way to helping me feel sane! Good luck with your FET x


----------



## Tory123

Hi Silarose

Got it from amazon not started taking it yet. Perhaps I should read up about it a bit more before I self medicate. As I over responded last time. Once I receive it will tell you a bit more.

Tory xx


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## Blue12

Hi everyone - sending you :hugs:

Tory I don't know enough about dhea - but if you over responded last time I would be very cautious to take it. My first cycle I over responded and they said that it compromised the quality of all of my eggs (out of 24 - 12 mature - 3 fertilized with icsi = 25% fertilization). 

For this cycle I was focusing on quality and not quantity (out of 10 eggs - 6 mature - 6 fertilized = 100% fertilization). I took some special multivitamins called total fertility that are meant to improve egg quality. A small research study was done on the vitamins (people with previous failed cycles) 94% got pg on their next cycle after using this.

I did a fair amount of reseach on the effect of hyperstimulation on the quality of eggs.

Sending you tons of :hugs:


----------



## MissMonty

Hi ladies :flower:

I'm feeling all sorry for myself today as I have a stinking cold, off work sick as spent all night awake coughing and blowing my nose YUCK!!! 

Tory - my DH is just the same, I'd love to start next round as soon as we get the results from our immunology tests but DH wants a holiday, he wants to wait until March though as where we plan to go the weather will be warmer then, I'd rather spend the money on our next cycle but DH feels we need a holiday so at the moment next ICSI is on hold till April/May time. He keeps saying things like 'what's a few weeks difference going to make' blah blah blah. I just keep thinking by the time we get round to another cycle another one of our pregnant friends would have had their baby and I'll be nearly another year older. I didn't realise you had a foster son - how wonderful, how long have you been fostering for?

Lolly and Helen - I hope you're both feeling better - looks like there's a lot of bugs going around - at least we'll hopefully be better by Christmas fingers crossed x

Flower - we had two pregnancy announcements last week too, I hate the way they take you by surprise, just as I'm starting to feel better about the situation its like a knock back. I agree with your statement about having to hit rock bottom, not sure I'm there yet but coming close!!

Hope everyone else is ok - HI Silarose, Inky, Blue and MySillyGirls - sound like you're gonna be busy doing laundry for a while te he he xx Hi to everyone else too :flower:

Can't believe its nearly Christmas :wacko:


----------



## Isi Buttercup

Hi lovely ladies. Hope everyone is doing great.

Just wishing everyone Happy Holidays and good luck to all as we enter 2011!! I hope we are all blessed with our babies next year!!!

I'm hoping to start again in February 2011....a fresh cycle. Praying it all works out!


----------



## MySillyGirls

Hiya ladies! Christmas is almost upon us...baking cupcakes and desperately watering the Xmas tree (which has been gasping its last breaths since they day dh dragged it home)... 

Starting lupron on 12/30. I am actually kind of glad the holidays are taking our minds off this..


----------



## MySillyGirls

MissMonty, I hope you feel better! The other day, I went in for a haircut and highlights. The stylist had a horrible cold and kept sneezing my direction. I have been panicky that I will catch what she has. LOL!


----------



## silarose28

Hi everyone

Sending you all loads of Xmas luck. Hope those of you with nasty colds feel better soon. 

Still waiting for af to come after my chemical. Has been a month now - does anyone know how long it takes for af to come after a chemical. Argh! So sick of waiting - just want to get going! Feel sooooo impatient. Am totally scared that if I don't get in quick the nhs will whip my funding away! Not good when I am facing possible redundancy!


----------



## Inky2006

Hi, there is so much to catch up with that I don't know where to start. 

First of all wishing you all a 'Merry Christmas'. Currently, I am snuggled up on the sofa with a laptop, and its snowing like mad outside. Now, I used to like the snow but am now getting really fed up with it (the UK are rubbish at dealing with snow - including me) For the past couple of days, coping with treacherous conditions has been my focus. Its taken my mind off FET I can tell you. At the back of my mind has been self preservation so that I will be able to go forward with it. I am so pleased that I am not undergoing treatment now. 


Anyway, that rant over. I will catch up. I'm sorry to hear some of you have got colds (going around and nasty) Oh I can relate to the husband thing. My one is in denial. Although, he is lovely he is not very good at expressing himself, so when the cycle failed I felt like I shouldered it all.

As for starting another cycle quickly when you fail, I know I needed a break. I have not has treatment since August/Sept. This will be nearly four/five months. I felt drained by it all and wanted to get my life back. This is partly due to a funding issue also. I think it is also fear that I will fail the next cycle. I think everyone is different. 

Tory - I did pick up on the DHEA,I would definately discuss that with your clinic. I read some research which is not altogether good. I am a nurse and knowing what I do would be very reluctant to self medicate. However, ask your FS.

Just to let you know what I am doing to prepare for next cycle. I think Tory, you asked what others are doing. This time I have not limited myself. I am loosely sticking to weight watchers. Think I do it every other days at the moment. Am not loosing any weight but not putting any on. I am disappointed to say have done no exercise lately (because of tiredness and laziness) and I must admit to a few odd tipples here and there. It is the party season after all. Having said that partying got cancelled saturday due to snow. Boo Hoo!

Oh, have also been baking cakes, iced my christmas cake, made mince pies and biscuits. Baking is not good for a diet!!! So it would seem couch potatoe is my preparation at the moment. I can say that I am very relaxed and have not felt the need for accupuncture this time (is £35 a session)

I also plan to get wasted on new years eve.

As for feeling sad about others pregnancies (tell me about it) As I was icing my cookies today I felt saddness as it is an actvity that you do with a child, as I did with my mum. I have had a feeling lately that time is just passing me.

Anyway, sorry I have not spoken to everyone individually, but I wish each and everyone of you a happy christmas. I hope everyone can try and have a nice christmas and try and forget the saddness for a while, and look forward to a brighter future ( xxxxxxxxxxxx)


----------



## Tory123

Hi Girls

Thanks for the advice regarding DHEA think I will not use it as after reading further it is not very good for over responders and some of the issues that I have. This support site is a wealth of knowledge only wasted £6. Does anyone know anything about wheatgerm?

Blue really pleased for your BFP where did you get your total fertility tablets from?

OMG just realise I am like give me the drugs must be having withdrawal from the IVF stuff lol

Thinking of you all

Toryx


----------



## Blue12

I got the vitamins from my clinic but they can be ordered online.

https://www.wellsphere.com/pregnanc...in-helping-previously-unsuccessful-ivf/829986

https://www.creatingcanadianfamilies.ca/content/total-fertility-women-3-month-supply
Approved for use during IVF protocol, Total Fertility&#8482; is a &#8220;super&#8208;antioxidant&#8221; and preconception supplement that contains specific vitamins and minerals to prepare female patients for fertility treatment. Total Fertility&#8482; is also a complete prenatal supplement that can be taken during pregnancy whether going through fertility treatment or conceiving naturally. 
With the rising cost of InVitro Fertilization it is essential for women to prepare their bodies for fertility treatment to achieve optimum egg and embryo quality. 
Total Fertility&#8482; is the first supplement formulated for women undergoing fertility treatments. Total Fertility&#8482; also provides complete prenatal balance through nutritional science. Total Fertility&#8482; is not only formulated to boost reproductive health prior to conception or IVF transfer, but it also meets a woman&#8217;s post-conception nutritional needs. After conception or transfer, Total Fertility&#8482; can be used as a prenatal vitamin. This allows you to use the supplement until it is gone, saving money and eliminating waste. 

Price: $275.00


----------



## Inky2006

Thanks for that info blue. That stuff sounds good, especially the anti-oxidant qualities. It is quite expensive, bit if it worked for you then its worth a try! I might try it. Just to add to the conversation, I use a prenatal vitamin. I think most of them are quite good, but also I also take royal jelly capsules, and from what I have read these are said to improve egg quality. I also take B complex. This is mainly because I have get quite bad PMT. I have read some good stuff about wheat germ as well. I think after christmas I am going to zita Wests detox plan. Its a difficult time of year to stick to any plans (for me anyway!)

IT annoys me however, that I take all the vitamins and do all the healthly stuff and my husband refuses to take fertility blend or chinese herbs or anything to help his low sperm count. GRRRRRRR.

Anyway, had better go, am off this week and have decided to go to the gym. Despite loads of snow things look abit better. I might be able to get out after all (beginning to get bored ) and have only had 3 days off!! Anyway, byexxxx


----------



## angiemon

Hi everyone,

I hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your thread, ive been reading through it and trying to pick up everybodys stories, its a sad thread to read through but does offer hope too!!! As others have said, Inky, was a great idea to start this thread.

We've just got our BFN on our first ICSI cycle, on Sunday. I had real hopes for the cycle as had quite a smooth time of it and had a really good blasto put back, but it wasn't to be! Not really left the couch since, only to walk the dog. Not been to work (i work with my family so im lucky in that respect) but maybe if I had to go to work, it may be better. My OH has been great but hes at work, finishing today for Christmas thankfully, so feeling a bit lonely!!
I know many of you have been through much more than me already so I dont want to feel sorry for myself and on the plus side we have 4 frosties so am hoping for a FET transfer early 2011 like you Inky and Flower but i am the same and am having reservations about FET but I have read (a hell of alot over the last 2 days) and there are lots and lots of babies out there from FET's :happydance::happydance: and perhaps with less drugs, our bodies may be better places for little embies. I dont think i had OHSS on my fresh cycle but i did stop stimming 3 days before my trigger and had to wear patches for 7 days to lower my E2 levels so who knows whats going on with our bodies eh!!!!

Anyway didn't mean to go on about myself so much-hope everyone is looking forward to christmas. 

Hope you don't mind me joining the thread

Angela xx


----------



## MissMonty

Hi Angiemon - I'm sorry for your failed cycle :hugs: I hope with time you will start to feel a little better :flower: It's great you have several frosties waiting for you - I found the FET mush less stressful on the body and much quicker. I wish you all the best x


----------



## Inky2006

Oh hi Angiemon, first all welcome to the thread. And secondly sorry you have to join it in the first place. I think we have all felt what you have so can relate to what you are going through. So sorry. I have read alot about FET as well. From what I gather, once the embie has thawed and shown signs of growth you have just as much chance a fresh cycle. So am being positive. Its funny I think my E2 levels was high, but my clinic does not monitor bloods. My FS said that high E2 levels can interfere with implantation. So thats quite interesting that you have said that.

I know how you feel about being 'abit lonely', I felt like that when I failed cycle. My husband was also back at work. I remember dragging myself to tescos to go out (tescos is a stones throw away from where I live) and I remember seeing a mother and child and almost bursting into tears. Then I dragged myself to get my hair cut and nails done. I just didn't know what to do with myself. Oh I also bought some very expensive makeup I didn't need. When I did actually go back to work I did feel better. You probably just need some 'you' time to recover anyway. 

By the way you havne't talked about yourself, this is what this thread is about. Anyway, do take care and if you get lonely post, and I'm sure someone will answer youxxxx


----------



## Helen76

Hey Angela - welcome but as Inky said sorry you have to join us. You'll get plenty of support here.

I'm going to have a look at the Total Fertility tablets, DH reckons I should talk to the Fertility Unit before starting them but I'm wondering if they'll just say don't bother. They seem quite flippant at my clinic about what can and can't stop you getting pregnant. They are good in lots of other respects though.

My DH took a lot of persuading to take the zinc and Vit C tablets but he started taking them and his count went up so. 

Silarose, I can't remember how long my cycle was after the chem pregnancy but I was using OPKs and I definitely didn't ovulate for about 4 weeks afterwards.

\I'm loving all the baking. I'm going to go on a health kick in the new year so for now I'm overdosing on mince pies and chocolate. Come the new year though my body will be a temple LOL.

If I don't get on here again (probably will though!) I wish you all a wonderful Xmas. I know it's not the Xmas we would all like but it really could be a lot worse for us so lets just eat, drink, sh*g and be merry!!

H xx


----------



## Blue12

Helen my clinic sells the total fertility vitamins on site - and the fs didn't even recommend it - it was me who asked after reading the article that was in the waiting area next to the bottles. When I asked her if I should take it, she said it was my choice. 

Millions of :hugs:


----------



## wishful think

angiemon said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> 
> 
> We've just got our BFN on our first ICSI cycle, on Sunday. I had real hopes for the cycle as had quite a smooth time of it and had a really good blasto put back, but it wasn't to be!
> 
> Angela xx

Hi Angela, I just went through an unsuccessful round of icsi in November. It was our first attempt too. I felt like my heart was breaking after doing the test. The girls on here were so supportive and after a couple of weeks I started to feel a bit better. At first I just kind of switched off from everything and everyone. I didnt want to talk to or see any of my friends or even my family. But after a couple of days back at work I felt like I could focus on other things. When I was at home all I could think about was the failed cycle and my little embryo that didnt hold on. I had to wait a couple of days to talk to my fertility specialist and that was a good thing in hindsight because I spent those days writing all the questions down that I could think of. I now have a new plan to look forward to in February but until then I am going to enjoy the christmas hols and throw myself into work in the new year. I really hope u feel better soon but I do understand that it does take time. Its not fair but maybe our luck will change soon. U also have those little frozen embies to think about. There could be a real little fighter in that bunch. All my hugs xxxx


----------



## Inky2006

Hi everyone.

Hi wishful, its good to see you back, and you sound like your feeling better. 

Just really wanted to come on here and wish everyone a merry christmas, I plan to try and totally forget infertility over the period and eat, drink and be merry. Hope everyone else can try tooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Lolly1985

Here here Inky!!

A very merry Christmas to all my B'n'B friends! Here's to 2011!

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Inky2006

Thanks Lolly 'sweetie'xxx

Merry Christmas to all!!xx


----------



## Lou32

Hi everyone - Hope you don't mind me gatecrashing your thread either. What a time too. We just went through our first icsi which failed. AF arrived three days before test day, hence the BFN. Apart from pretty low fertilisation (only four out of nine fertilised), we ended up with perfect embies. They would only let us put one back in, which was perfect quality, and told us it was best to get the other three to blast before freezing, but unfortunately they didn 't make it, so no FET for us. It's difficult to get your head around when you're told the embryos are of such good quality they can't risk putting two in as there's a good chance of twins, then it doesn't work at all. Our main problem is MF (low motility), so not I can't stop wondering if it's something to do with me too...
I have a million questions, but we can't get an appointment until early Feb and we have to save up to pay for our next icsi now. So far the nurse just told us we were a victim of statistics, which is no comfort!
Do any of you know if the hospital offers any further tests etc after the first BFN? I never even got my tubes checked as they moved us straight to icsi when the SA came back and I know fluid-filled tubes can stop implantation. Don't know if I'm clutching at straws though...
I too haven't really left the couch since we found out and pretty much avoided family and friends. Two of my closest friends are pregnant, as well as my little sister, so it's pretty tough. Actually can't wait until Christmas is over...
Sorry to be such a misery guts, especially at Christmas! I suppose I knew this could happen, but I just didn't think it would happen to us as everyone told us we had such a good prognosis. So much for that!
Hope you all have nice Christmas and that our luck turns around in 2011.
x


----------



## Inky2006

Hi Lou

I am in a very similar situation to you Lou. In September they only put one embie back in me too because of the risk of twins. Was so annoyed at this. It seems its a national policy to prevent twins. I think it just prevents pregnancy. I was speaking to fertility nurse about this and she said that there is actually some evidence to suggest that one embroyos supports another so it is actually better to put two or more back. We also have male factor and unfortuantely I think its just one of those things that it didn't work. Some embroyos may look perfect under the mircoscope but may not be able to develope beyond day 3. I was and am like you, I wonder if there is something wrong with me also. We were also told we have a good prognosis. I am going to have next treatment and if that doesn't work I will have some tests. 

I am really surprised they did not freeze your embroyos day three. This is what happened to my embroyos. 

Anyway, sorry to hear you have to wait until Feb. I also had a long wait to followup. May be you could get a cancellation. Like you I felt I needed to be able to discuss what went wrong with treatment. 

Like you I have avoided friends and family for months. I'll go if I really have to but can't put myself through it at the moment. Hope your christmas isn't too bad. I think we're all hoping for a happier 2011. 

Anyway, happy christmasxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Helen76

Hey Lou,

Just saw your message and wanted to send you big :hugs::hugs:

Hopefully Inky will have been able to provide some practical comfort, I've only had IVF not ICSI but this time I had 2 perfect embryos and neither of them took. I still don't get it. A victim of statistics isn't much comfort.

During my latest attempt they found that one of my tubes was filled with fluid but they didn't say anything about it impacting on implantation. I'm going back for my follow up at the end of Jan, if I find out any more about that I'll let you know.

Anyway I hope you manage to enjoy Xmas in some way, we'll all be thinking of you.

H xx


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## Inky2006

I can't believe this but its christmas day and I'm on here. How sad am I? I'm going off to relatives soon. have an absolutely blinding hangover. It did me good actually to go abit mad. Anyway, hope everyone is okay. 

I hope santa brought everyone some nice pressies. I hope those of you who have a rough time of it lately can try and have a nice day. Try and forget about it for abit. I send you all a:hugs:

Good bye for now ' Merry Christmas' .xxxx


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## silarose28

Hiya everyone

Angiemon and Lou32 - welcome and sending you:hugs:

Angiemon - Hope your feeling a bit better by now. I know what you mean about work - After my miscarriage I needed to go to stay sane but when I was there I felt like I was really struggling! Good luck with your FET.

Helen - my body will also be a temple after the new year!!!

Lou32 - I know what you mean about everyone being preggars. It's doing my head in! Try for a cancellation before Feb - I managed to get one which brought a consultation forward at my hospital so it may well be a possibility.

Happy Xmas Inky - glad you have let your hair down. I've also had a few drinks and had some fun!

*And happy Xmas/ new year to everyone on here - let's hope next year will be our year.*:

I am gearing myself up for my next cycle. Have started taking the pill as af showed last week - right on time! On a different point - I actually had a distant relative ask me how old I was (37) and whether I was going to have children over the Xmas dinner table. There was an awkward silence before my aunt (who knows I am having IVF) said 'Oh well there's plenty of time for that!' Who does he think he is asking very personal questions likethat?!!! I am obviously not pregnant so I either don't want kids or can't - STUPID QUESTION ARGH! Sorry - feels good to let off steam.

hugs to everyone xxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Everyone!


Hi to Angiemon and Lou, welcome but on the other hand i'm sorry that you have had to join this thread. I hope you holding up ok Angiemon, I wish you lots of luck with your FET. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact you have some frosties. And I do hope you maneged to enjoy your christmas. 

Lou i'm sorry to hear the way that things turned out for you. Its a struggle to understand their reasoning sometimes. That must be hard to take and i send you lots of love. Only two of my embies made it to ET so they put both back in. With two and my age (25), people drilled it in to me that it basically couldn't fail, so when it did it hit me very hard. So with no frosties we are hoping to start our second cycle in march.

Hi to you all, Inky, Helen, Sila and everyone else!! I hope you had lovely christmas's. Mine was about the same as this whole year, a disaster!!! Sorry to feel sorry for myself but on christmas day we had to call an ambulance for my mum who ended up vomiting blood and on a drip with suspected pneumonia!! Luckily turned out to only be a bad virus but she was so ill she couldn't walk and scared the life out of us all!!

She is on the mend now but leaving thursday and I can already feel myself getting down, trying hard to stay positive! I keep thinking roll on 2011, I want to forget this year and start again! But its not all bad, I have found myself enjoying many drinkie-poohs over xmas and got lots of lovely pressies from my darling OH!!

Think i'd probably better get myself off to bed but send you all loads of love, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx :flower:


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## silarose28

Hi Lolly

Your poor Mum! Glad she is on the mend. 

I too am trying hard to be positive. This year will be our year I can just feel it!

:dust::dust:


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## Lou32

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I'm away at in laws for a few days so on my phone. It's really tough as even though everyone knows the ivf failed, everyone is acting like it never happened and that all's fine, whereas I just can't move on. It's really upsetting me how little importance MIL puts on it. She thinks it's no big deal and that it will happen eventually. It's not that easy to explain that with no swimmers it can't! I'd also heard there was evidence that two embryos supported each other, which is why I was so annoyed.Also upset we didn't freeze spares on day 3, but we followed their advice. I'm not sure an earlier appt would do much good anyway as we can't afford to go again until summer, unless we win the lottery! That's really getting me down too. Sorry to be such a misery still! Hope you all had a nice Christmas x


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## Helen76

Sorry to hear about your Mum Lolly hope she's much better now.

Silarose - some people can be insensitive. I've had plenty of people telling me I should get a move on - I would LOVE to!!!!

Louise - I think people generally don't understand IVF and don't know how to handle it. They might be thinking they are helping you by not talking about it. I'm also so sorry that funding is an issue, it makes me mad that not everyone gets 3 funded attempts. If I win the lottery I'll send some your way :)

H xx


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## Lolly1985

Hello Ladies

Thank you for your kind words about my mum, she is doing lots better, really sad she is going so soon though. My brother left today and I ended up a sniffling wreck!! (thanks zolodex!) Don't think he quite knew what to do so punched me on the arm!!

Hope you are all holding up ok and looking forward to your new year plans.

Lou i'm sorry you are having a tough time. I wonder if its that she doesn't quite know what to say so she is keeping quiet. I know that my MIL had too much to say during my 2ww, it can't fail, taking baby clothes and names etc, I kept telling her not to talk like that but she was so sure it would work. Anyway when it did fail I think she was so shocked that she's kept quiet ever since. I thought the same, that she didn't care etc. But turns out she kept speaking with my OH about how I was and what to do/say. He had told her to carry on as normal so I didn't get reminded (as if I could forget) and be upset. So basically what i'm saying is lots of people struggle to find the right words and so say nothing. Also maybe because the main factor with your infertility is to do with her son, maybe that may play a small part? Or maybe i'm reading too much into it. I do hope you are ok though and send you :hugs:

Love to everyone, Lolly xxxxxxxx


----------



## Lou32

I probably am being a bit unfair, but I think it's a combination of things. Her age is one (she doesn't understand ivf and doesn't really want to) and she had kids in her mid 30s so doesn't see the rush.She doesn't know the cause of our infertility and I'm pretty sure she thinks it's me,so I think she sees it as my problem. I think she needs to know but OH doesn't want her to. I just think she might view it differently... Also,when the ivf failed I got so upset we wouldn't be able to afford to go again and my family offered to help where they can. She made it clear she won't be helping. I don't expect money from anyone and I'd rather we saved ourselves, but it hurt when she said that.


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## fluffystar

Hi Ladies,

I have been reading for a while since our IVF cycle failed mid dec and its so sad to see lots of familiar names that I have been talking to on various threads. 

I just wanted to say hi and hope that you all got through the christmas period ok. It really sucks getting a BFP just at the time that you are meant to be all happy and emmersing yourself in visiting and visitors when all you want to do is retreat and resettle yourself. 

love and babydust
fluffy xx


----------



## Inky2006

Hello everyone

Lolly - just to say I'm so sorry about your mum. There are so many virus's going around I know a few people that have been ill over christmas. Glad to hear shes on the mend and sorry to for the stress you had to go through, it must of been awful!!!! Good that that you got some nice pressies. Hope you have a better new yearxx

Lou - just to say as in a similar situation to you. I think the others are right people do not understand IVF. They don't know what to say and whatsmore don't understand it. MIL's can be a pain in the butt. I think maybe if she knew it was your hubby it might change her view point. But I guess if she is of a generation and not very understanding then she might not! It must be difficult! I'm sorry to hear that you have to pay for next round. My PCT have also gone into financial melt down and now we have to pay. Actually still awaiting a final decision. So I know how you feel. I know some people go into egg sharing schemes to decrease the cost, but know this is not for everyone. I have been in your situation and I have felt that I am in limbo until the next treatment. also waited 2 months for followup which I found very frustrating, so I hope you can get a cancellation. It might help you. Your situation almost mirrors my own - so can relate to alot of what you say, hope you have a much better new yearxx


Helen - Hope you had a nice christmas with your inlaws and your family. Really hope you get your BFP in the new year.xx

Silarose - pleased that you are now starting treatment. YAY. Am praying for you!xx

Fluffy- Sorry to hear your cycle failed mid Dec. I have seen you on other threads. Sorry you also have to been here. Lets hope get that BFP in the new year.xx

Miss Monty - not long now until your results. I hope you have managed to have a nice chrtistmas with your family. xx

Wishful - good luck in the new year.xx

Tori - you have not been on here for a while. Hope you are okayxx


As for me christmas was okay, but boxing day I felt very emotional. We went to my inlaws and my niece was there. She is 2.5 years old now and is chatty and giggly and very adorable. I love her to bits but just seeing her with my inlaws made me so so sad. I just felt that we should have our children there and felt left out again. Also, my MIL was taking about my husbands cousin who had just had a baby. This baby was born on my birthday in november so the day was very emotive. I got home and cried my eyes out. 

My husband just doesn't know what to do when I'm like that, he doesn't show he is sad but goes into a sort of denial. I think with male factor its a real dent in the male ego. he did say somethng nice and that was that his parents are getting into practise for when we have our children. He also said the reason he doesn't get sad is because he is positive it will work. Anyway, I feel alot better now. New years eve celebrations is strictly a friends affair so will be better.

I really hope I havne't missed anyone out - but if I have good luck for the new yearxx

Anyway, lets all hope we all have a much much better new year.xxxxxx By the way this is how I feel after christmas (as bloated and fat as):holly:


----------



## angiemon

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your kind words, sounds like its been a tough christmas for everyone!!

Lolly-im glad your mum is okay now, must have been very scary. good shes now on the mend....
wishful-yes your right, its hard to take at the beginning,really think its worked and then dont really want to see anyone and noone really understands...Feb will be here before you know it...
Inky and Lou-I hadnt heard that one embie can support another, I was strongly recommended to transfer 1 as it was they said an "unusually good quality" so risk of twins would be far too much, its so hard when that 1 great one doesnt work, you wonder if it is ever gonna work if the great one doesnt. Hopefully ill get some answers from fs on our follow -up on 17 jan so ill let you know if i find anything useful.
Silarose-i know what you mean about family, quite alot of my family were down the pub on monday with my cousins 4wk old who i was giving a cuddle to many comments of "it suits you", and lots of nudges and winks to my OH. little do they know!!
helen-i was thinking about the total fertility tabs that Blue mentioned. My clinic seems a bit flippant on things to do or not too do, think they're so busy! And my dh had to have a bit of encouragment with the vits but they really helped, he did also give up smoking and his sa has massively improved. but as were having FET, not sure if he needs to worry about vits at the moment, hes def gonna keep off the ciggies though..

We've started to think of naturally getting pregnant, havent really thought about that since ICSI was first mentioned. ITs funny how you get so wrapped up with IVF you forget that there is still a chance of natural preg. or is that just me??

Missmonty-when do you get your test results back? Could be something really simple finger crossed!!

Sure i havent mentioned everyone but thinking of you all. Heres to a happy new year and a great 2011!!!:hugs::hugs:

xxx


----------



## Inky2006

Angiemon

I missed you in my spiel. So sorry . Just to say, myself and my husband do try naturally and always keep hoping. I think thats the best thing to do. 

Hope you get some answers on the 17th Jan anyway. Hopefully you'll be having FET soon tooxx


----------



## Helen76

Hey everyone, how are we all doing?

Lolly - great that your mum is on the mend. Sounds like your brother is as good with emotions as most men lol.

Lou - MIL ouch! She sounds a charmer, I bet she would change her mind if she knew it was her son with the problem but understand you can't tell her that. Tough one. We're here if you need to let off steam.

Fluffy - we were the unlucky ones on what was a lucky November thread, so sorry you're joining me here. :hugs:

Angie - keep going with the getting pregnant naturally, it only takes one sperm and one egg :) (if only it were that easy.....) I've been looking at the vits Blue talked about but £180 for a 3 month supply :shock: DH suggested we talk to the clinic first and that is before I tell him the cost! 

Silarose - good luck with the treatment, lets hope you can be an early graduate from this thread :thumbup:

Inky - I'm loving the graphic, I'm like that too! Sorry you've had a rough time and your 2.5 yr old niece will no doubt be all smiley and nice with you but I'm sure it's a different story at home with the terrible twos! We all have that to come.....

Miss Monty - good luck with the tests :)

My Sillygirls if you're reading this hope your treatment is going well.

Wishful and Tory and anyone else :wave:

Back to work for me tomorrow - boo hoo!

H xx


----------



## wishful think

angiemon said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> 
> 
> We've started to think of naturally getting pregnant, havent really thought about that since ICSI was first mentioned. ITs funny how you get so wrapped up with IVF you forget that there is still a chance of natural preg. or is that just me??
> 
> 
> 
> xxx

Hey angiemon, that's great that u still have a chance naturally. I would love that but it's not going to happen that way for me (blocked tubes and dh has low and slow count so even if one little bugger could swim my tubes decided they wanted to build internal walls). It's a good feeling when u still have natural hope!! Keep the chin up xxx


----------



## Lolly1985

Helloooooo lovely ladies!!

I'm sorry that I don't have time to post much, gotta rush to adsa to sort out some bits for the cat before heading off out tonight. Honestly he's eating me outta house and home! And i've decided not to tell you about the little present he left on my kitchen floor today.... :wacko:

Anyways I wanted to wish you all a very Happy New Year. I'm so happy that 2010 is nearly over! Hated it and can't wait to start again, hopefully happier and more positive no matter what 2011 brings.

Many of you may have already seen this, I found it on another girls signature on this site (while being my usual nosey self!) Anyway I love it and even if you have seen it, read it again and believe it..... 'It's ok to feel down, it doesn't mean you're weak, it means you've been strong for way too long! But when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long!'

Happy New Year to you all! :drunk:

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Lou32

Hi everyone. I'm finally back home and it's nice to type on a keyboard rather than the phone! It was a difficult few days away with the MIL, so it's nice to be back home (and have some peace and quiet!) I know one of you mentioned above that Christmas is all about socialising and seeing friends and family, so it is hard at this time when all you want to do is lock yourself away and basically feel sorry for yourself. I know I'm doing that. 
Just a couple of quick questions for you ladies....After your failed IVFs, did it take a while for your cycles to get back to normal? It's just I'm on day 12 and I'm having no signs of ovulation. I usually ovulate around CD 12/13 and start with EWCM around CD8, but nothing at all, which is freaking me out a bit. I rang my fertility nurse this morning and she didn't know what I was worried about, saying AF was not due yet anyway. I tried to explain that it wasn't my AF that was late, but that I wasn't showing signs of ovulating and she just dismissed it and said I might not. I ALWAYS get EWCM and ov pains, so it's freaking me out a bit that my body's changed. 
Also - I agree it's always worth trying the natural way. But those of you who have MF, did you get your tubes checked or did you go straight to IVF when they found you had MF? Our doc sent us straight to IVF as he said it bypassed any tubal probs, but as it might take us a while to save for our next roud we may as well try the natural way too, but I have no idea if my tubes are OK. This is something I'm going to bring up at our review appt, but I just know he's going to refuse to refer me (I've had numerous arguments with him in my head already about it!) Just wondered if any of your docs had given any good reasons why this needs to be done so I can throw them at him! It's kinda frustrating not knowing the whole picture, but you know what the NHS is like!

Hope you all have a good New Year's Eve and I hope more than anything that all our dreams come true in 2011!!! It's definitely OUR turn!
x


----------



## wishful think

Lou32 said:


> Also - I agree it's always worth trying the natural way. But those of you who have MF, did you get your tubes checked or did you go straight to IVF when they found you had MF? Our doc sent us straight to IVF as he said it bypassed any tubal probs, but as it might take us a while to save for our next roud we may as well try the natural way too, but I have no idea if my tubes are OK. This is something I'm going to bring up at our review appt, but I just know he's going to refuse to refer me (I've had numerous arguments with him in my head already about it!) Just wondered if any of your docs had given any good reasons why this needs to be done so I can throw them at him! It's kinda frustrating not knowing the whole picture, but you know what the NHS is like!
> 
> 
> x

Hi Lou32, well I got referred to a gyno because I was having inbetween bleeds and painful periods after getting the coil removed. I had all the routine tests carried out but everything was looking fine. After 9 months trying our doctor sent my dh for an SA. It came back really poor. So I brought my dh's results to my gyno and he said it was obvious that the reason we weren't getting pregnant was because of my husband. I was put on the back burner and it all became about my dh. It was like my issues didnt matter because they had found a problem. I was put on clomid for 3 months. During this time my inbetween bleeds and af got worse. I just didnt believe that our problem was just down to my husband. So I had to fight my corner and push for further testing to be done with me!!! So all guns blazing and questions ready I went back to my gyno to fight my case and he agreed to do a lap and dye test. He said he really didnt expect to find anything wrong with me and low and behold quess what... both tubes blocked!!!! I had a miscarriage in July '09 so this happened since then. Maybe if they had of listened to me my situation might be different now. 

Knowing exactly what you're dealing with is alot easier. Even though I was devastated that my tubes were blocked because it takes away our chance of it happening naturally, I feel better knowing that ivf is the only way for us now. It has taken away the monthly counting your cycle - the hopes and wishes being dashed - which is just awful every month. Don't know if any of this is making sense or if i just started rambling!!! 

There is one thing that i know can hinder your chances of the ivf working and the embryo implanting and that is if you have 'Hydrosalpinx' in your tubes. And i think the laparoscopy is one of the ways they can detect this!!! So not having the full picture can sometimes be a bad thing!!! Hope something I said will be of use to u xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## wishful think

Lolly1985 said:


> 'It's ok to feel down, it doesn't mean you're weak, it means you've been strong for way too long! But when you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long!'

Love this quote Lolly xxxxxxx makes me feel like crying, it's soooooooo true!!!!


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## Lou32

Thanks wisful think. I had heard about tubes being filled with liquid affecting implantation and I told the doc that before we started ivf, but they dismissed it.
Did you have to fight for the test or did they just agree when you asked? I really insisted before the IVF but they just said no. I guess we could pay for the test, but I don't see why we should when most people get it done on the NHS.
I agree that it's important to have the full picture and I think I'm going to have to go in all guns blazing too. I'm also going to ask about tests for DH's problem too. It might all be in vain, but that's something else he just dismissed and said it's usually unexplained so they were going to make no attempt to find an explanation. It was just a case of finding out not many are swimming so icsi is the only option. 
I just think it's only fair they give us some answers while we save for another go...
I rang earlier to ask a few questions but they said we had to wait until our consultation and, because of Xmas of course, they haven't got round to sending out appointments yet. 
Aaaargh, just hate the waiting!


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## Helen76

Hey everyone, wishing everyone a very happy 2011. Here's hoping this thread will be redundant for us all soon!

Lou - I think its quite common for your cycle not to be normal after IVF. I seem to remember Inky saying her first cycle afterwards was around 45 days. I'm currently CD22 and no sign of ovulation although I do tend to ovulate around day 21 so this is only a bit late for me.

I also had the same issue that once they had identified a MF problem they didn't seem too concerned about further tests for me. They said I was low risk for tubal issues although my latest IVF revealed that there is an issue with my left tube. When I go back in Jan I'm going to ask for every test going because thankfully DH's sperm now seems normal :)

H xx


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## wishful think

Lou32 said:


> Thanks wisful think. I had heard about tubes being filled with liquid affecting implantation and I told the doc that before we started ivf, but they dismissed it.
> Did you have to fight for the test or did they just agree when you asked? I really insisted before the IVF but they just said no. I guess we could pay for the test, but I don't see why we should when most people get it done on the NHS.
> QUOTE]
> 
> Hi Lou, I'm from Ireland so I don't know how the NHS works but over here I went on the public list to see a gyno. I was told that tests could run into thousands so I didn't want to use our bit of savings when I could get it done 'free' going public!!! My first appointment with the gyno was in Nov '09. He sent me for blood tests and an internal scan. The next appointment was Feb 2010 (as far as I can remember) and at that stage I had my dh's SA result with me. Over here u rarely get to see the head consultant, you see one of their team. Anyhow the female doctor I was with on the 2nd visit had agreed it would be a good idea for me to have a lap and dye so she filled out the form for it but wanted to run it by the head fella. Off she went and when she came back she actually ripped up the lap and dye letter in front of me and said the head consultant said it was obviously my husband that had the problem and he wanted me to be put on 3 months of clomid. I was so raging but being the way I am, I said ok I will try that but what about my crazy periods!!! Her response was "What we want to do is get u pregnant". Roll on 3 months (May 2010) and 3 crazy cycles later and I was back in with them. This time I had requested to see the head consultant. I couldnt take being sent from one doctor to another and re-telling my story each time. This time I brought my dh too. I went in and said that i understood that my dh's SA was an issue but that didnt explain my problems. I said I wanted to have a laparoscopy and he agreed it was time for one. I would say in my head I went in all fired up and guns to the ready but I spoke respectfully but strong to him. I wanted him to see it from my side but I was aware that if i pissed him off he was the one who was going to have the final decision (not me). So it worked out that we both were on the same page that day. I had said to dh that I wasn't going to leave his office until he agreed to the lap and dye. So in September 2010 I had the lap and dye, 10 months after my first gyno appointment.
> 
> If u have issues with your af, u could go at it from that angle. Or perhaps the hydrosalpinx angle!! Think they are not as willing to carry out this test so easily because it is invasive and u are put under for it!!! I hope u get the answers u need. It's a really good idea to write down every question u have for your next appointment. I always went in with my notepad. Best of luck xxx


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## Lou32

Thanks wishful think, yes I have a list of questions for the gyno (most of them asking for more tests!) I think there's a couple of other tests which check tubes which can be done a lot easier (like the HyCosy which is an ultrasound), so I'm going to ask for one of them. I figure that if I say we want to try the natural way for a while then I don't know how he can say no. The NHS aren't going to pay for another icsi, so the least they can do is check we're ok to try the natural way for a while. The last test showed he had 4% fast swimmers, and his count is good so there's a slim chance, even if it is equivalent of winning the lottery!
I don't have any issues with my AF, just a couple of minor issues with low progesterone and one multi-cystic ovary, both of which the docs have dismissed and said they won't affect us getting pregnant. They said it's rare to have tubal problems if you've not had previous infections, but this is obviously not the case.

Helen - wow 45 days is a long cycle, of it would be for me anyway. Mine are usually between 25 and 28, which is why it's unusual for me to not ovulate by now. It's just plain weird not knowing where your body is. You get so used to living your life by cycles that it's weird. 
What further tests are you going to ask for Helen? Also, what MF issues did you have and how did you get it sorted? Our gyno told us that most MF problems are unexplained so there was no point looking into it. I have DH on a cocktail of vitamins, off caffeine, milk and drinking loads of water! Don't know if it's helping yet though.


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## wishful think

Lou32 said:


> They said it's rare to have tubal problems if you've not had previous infections, but this is obviously not the case.

That was defo not the case with me. I have a 12 year old daughter from my previous relationship. Then my miscarriage in July '09. So my tubes were in working order back then. No infections throughout the years. They have no explanations for me as to why my tubes blocked, just that sometimes it can happen :shrug:


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## Helen76

Lou32 said:


> Helen - wow 45 days is a long cycle, of it would be for me anyway. Mine are usually between 25 and 28, which is why it's unusual for me to not ovulate by now. It's just plain weird not knowing where your body is. You get so used to living your life by cycles that it's weird.
> What further tests are you going to ask for Helen? Also, what MF issues did you have and how did you get it sorted? Our gyno told us that most MF problems are unexplained so there was no point looking into it. I have DH on a cocktail of vitamins, off caffeine, milk and drinking loads of water! Don't know if it's helping yet though.

Hi, I'm going to ask for lap & dye, tests for endo and a day21 blood test which I've never had. When DH first went for SA his results weren't great (1.5m then 11m and then 18m with abnormal forms etc). When we got referred to the clinic we're using now they did tests again and it came back 73m and all fine! Both times we've had treatment we've been able to do IVF rather than ICSI (29m the first time and 55m the second). I eventually managed to get him to take Zinc and VitC and he started running again, don't know if that made the difference?

Can I have a little rant ladies?? Just found out a friend of a friend who is the same age as me (34) had started trying for a baby and what do you know? Lucky straightaway!! It's so not fair what some of us have to go through. I've now done 2 IVF and so they've managed to get the eggs to fertilise with the sperm have placed two embryos both times in my womb and I'm still not pregnant!

I'm trying to be really positive and just think it's a matter of time but finding it really hard to do that at the moment. I'm just so sick of it all :cry:

H xx

PS and while I'm having a rant, I'm as jealous as hell of all the first time IVF successes. I know that makes me a bad person but I can't help it.


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## Lou32

Helen, that's an incredible improvement. My DH has problem with motility rather than numbers and we just can't seem to figure out how to improve that - not when it's so low. It would be great if we didn't need the icsi, what with the extra £1k charge for it! 

Re the tests - I always thought they'd know if you had endo as it would have been picked up in the scans, but is this not the case? I'm going to ask for tubes checking too, but I have a feeling the gyno will say no.

I totally know how you feel with women getting pregnant so easily! I know we probably all go through similar emotions when people get pregnant, but it feels like it gets harder every time someone tells me they're pregnant. For the past 3 years I've literally known at least 3 people pregnant at any one time. At the moment it's two of my oldest friends, my little sister (which seriously hurt), as well three other friends who live elsewhere. I rang one of my closest friends the night before EC to tell her I had to cancel plans and the reason why and she decided to tell me she had just found out she was pregnant and that they'd planned it exactly to the month so there was exactly three years between their kids. I feel bad for feeling like this, but I really really hate her for it. I couldn't admit it for a while, but my mum was furious when I told her what she'd said and said she could have waited to tell me, as she'd only just done the test. I kinda agree and I really didn't need to know how easy it was for her to get pregnant!

My cousin also went through ivf (she was 38 so a bit older than me at 32) and hers worked first time, even though she only had 2 embryos in total. Bfore my failed ivf it felt like I could really confide in her and we had something in common, but now it feels like she's joined the ranks of the smug women who get pregnant so easily. 
When I think about it too much I can't get my head round how unfair it is and I honestly can't believe this is happening to me. But then that's why it's best not to think about it too much and try and concentrate on making it happen.
Hang in there and look forward to your next go. We'll soon forget all of this when we're preggers x


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## Helen76

Thanks Lou, I know we're lucky in a lot of respects that DH's sperm is okay (for now at least it seems). I have no idea about the endo or what tests they'll do but I'm just grappling at straws trying to find a reason why its not happening for us.

Before we knew DH's sperm was okay I bought a book called Male Infertility Fighting Back' through the Foresight website. I never got round to reading it but they claim 81% of men who followed their programme went on to conceive. I'd be more than happy to post my copy to you but appreciate you might not want to give your details out to someone you don't know. If you want me to send the book then PM me. Here's the link anyway:

https://www.foresight-preconception.org.uk/Product-Info.aspx?productID=33

That was so insensitive of your friend, some people do astound me. It must be hard with your sister as well, I really feel for you. My sister has 2 kids but both were conceived before I even met my hubby so it wasn't an issue for me then

Like you say once we're pregnant ourselves everything will be fine and we will get there!

H xx


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## Lou32

That's so freaky, cos I already ordered that book from Amazon before Xmas. I stumbled upon it on a different website. I had a bit of a splurge and ordered loads of vitamns and a couple of books. My Zita West book arrived a few days ago but still waiting for that.
Thanks for your offer though.


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## fluffystar

Hi Ladies, Mind if I ask a quick question? 

How long did you wait, or are you going to wait, to start another treatment cycle after one has failed? I dont have my follow up appointment until 24th Jan and have no idea yet what the plan will be. Do they recommend waiting a certain amount of time or did you decide to wait purely for your own reasons?

I have no idea what the clinic will say but personally feel like I need a bit of a break. It was only my first IVF cycle but already I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now we have tried IVF at least once. Im really proud of my body for seemingly bouncing back and having fertile signs after only two weeks but I feel liberated by not being a slave to the whole TTC thing and not feeling that we have to perform at this time and not feeling under pressure to ovulate (which didnt always happen when it should). I know its still quite early after the BFN but I feel I need at least 4-6 months for a rest! 

Is that normal or am I wasting time? I am also conscious of all the government cuts and though I am lucky my pct currently fund 3 cycles, I am not sure how long that will last!


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## MySillyGirls

Hi fluffystar! Mine failed in October and I am starting my new cycle now. However, my doc was willing to let me start a new one right away (November) but timing didn't quite work for us


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## Lolly1985

Hi Everyone!

Helen I'm sorry you are having a hard time at the moment. I know exactly how everyone feels. I am always over analysing people, trying to guess if they are pregnant or not, willing them not to be. Then wondering when they will be pregnant, how would I cope if they got pregnant etc etc. I can quite easily stew on these thoughts for hours until I feel sick. It sickens me sometimes to watch pregnant young girls smoking, and I feel jealous of mums walking down the street with a brood of kiddies in tow. It should be me!!! I know my DP thinks i'm a bit mental, but this process makes you! Plus after speaking with my councillor and being reassured its totally normal I have found some peace with myself. Before I was consumed with guilt and disgust at actually resenting my own friends/family. So rant away because I think I may well have just joined you!!!

Fluffy, my clinic made me wait 3 months after a fresh cycle to start any kind of treatment again. They said that this gave enough time to get all the drugs out of the body, and to be honest I felt I needed that time to recover emotionally as well as physically. I was due to start my second ICSI Jan, but now March due to a rather persistant cyst, damn it!! Ready to try again now, the waiting kills me. 

Hi Lou. I hope you can get some answers and that they will run some further tests. I've only ever come from the other angle, that being all the probs were with me and then they ran every test under the sun. Have been poked and prodded many a time over the years!! It was only later we found out that DPs count was low. As we were that far down the line they simply changed our IVF to ICSI and said it wasn't a problem. Although the last two tests have been normal so maybe it was just a blip. Sure he would like to think so. I really wish you luck at getting some more answers.

Good luck with your cycle MySillyGirls, thinking of you and hoping you are feeling well!

Happy New Year to everyone else, Inky, Wishful, Miss Monty, Silarose, Angiemon and Tori!

I am currently feeling ok. Its up and down, more down after the hols and everyone went home. Found that while I was busy I didn't have so much time to think. But since the new year have felt happier knowing that all the horrible bits happened last year, it sounds much better in my head! have my second zolodex injection a week tomorrow, then only 1 more before treatment. Getting there. DP says it'll be our year but I must stay positive so i'm trying really hard!

Anyways best be off, have written an essay! Do enough of that for uni!!! Take care ladies,

All my love, Lolly xxxxxxxxxx


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## Lou32

Fluffystar - My clinic said they were obliged to to wait until I'd had three AFs before starting again. I want to wait at least three months anyway because I'm stepping up a gear with the vits and detox etc and it won't all take effect until then. Just when DH thought I couldn't get any more obsessed, I've now got him on even more vits, all organic food etc!


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## silarose28

fluffystar said:


> Hi Ladies, Mind if I ask a quick question?
> 
> How long did you wait, or are you going to wait, to start another treatment cycle after one has failed? I dont have my follow up appointment until 24th Jan and have no idea yet what the plan will be. Do they recommend waiting a certain amount of time or did you decide to wait purely for your own reasons?
> 
> I have no idea what the clinic will say but personally feel like I need a bit of a break. It was only my first IVF cycle but already I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders now we have tried IVF at least once. Im really proud of my body for seemingly bouncing back and having fertile signs after only two weeks but I feel liberated by not being a slave to the whole TTC thing and not feeling that we have to perform at this time and not feeling under pressure to ovulate (which didnt always happen when it should). I know its still quite early after the BFN but I feel I need at least 4-6 months for a rest!
> 
> Is that normal or am I wasting time? I am also conscious of all the government cuts and though I am lucky my pct currently fund 3 cycles, I am not sure how long that will last!

Hi Fluffystar

Are you in herts? I am at herts and essex and the nhs make you wait 6 months in between cycles - I know as my first was cancelled and then I had to wait 6 months for the next! (I paid private as couldn't wait so long!)

Hi everyone else - I am off out shopping to cheer myslef up and will catch up with you all this evening. xxxxx


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## fluffystar

silarose28 said:


> Hi Fluffystar
> 
> Are you in herts? I am at herts and essex and the nhs make you wait 6 months in between cycles - I know as my first was cancelled and then I had to wait 6 months for the next! (I paid private as couldn't wait so long!)


I thought that the nurse on the phone said something about 6 months but I wasnt quite with it when I rang and so was not sure if I heard it right. 6 months does seemlike an awful long time though if you felt ready, do you know what their reasons are? I dont mind so much as I was already thinking of waiting at least 6 months to give myself a break but for those who are ready to go again that 6 months must be a killer!


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## fluffystar

I just found this website with the fertility policy for the east of england which thought may be useful


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## Helen76

Thanks Lolly, it really helps to know what I'm feeling is 'normal'. I feel so sorry for all those women years ago who didn't have IVF as an option and weren't able to get in touch with others like we do. Thank goodness for the modern age!!

Fluffy - 6 months would have killed me last time. I started attempt 2 about 7 weeks after the first. In hindsight it probably was too soon emotionally but why some clinics take it upon themselves to create unnecessary rules I'll never know!

H xx


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## fluffystar

Thanks Helen, I guess I cant complain that the east of england PCTs set a gap of 6 months between fresh cycles when they still fund 3 full cycles! 

I just find it funny that in my head I was thinking that I needed to wait 6 months as I needed a break and then when the nurse mentioned that I had to wait 6 months anyway I kind of felt that the decision was being made for me and was a bit annoyed at having to wait rather than choosingto wait. My mind is strange!


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## silarose28

hi everyone

Fluffy - I was devastated when I found out I had to wait 6 months! My first cycle didn't go ahead due to poor response so I was going to have to wait 6 months to find out if ICSI was even a viable option for me!!! There seems to be no sense behind this rule - particularly ay my age (37) when my fertility is nosediving at a rapid rate!!! 

Lou - how is your cycle going. It is so annoying that the NHS don't even investigate things. I have endo but diagnosed this myself before arguing my way to a lap and dye to prove it! I heard a story about a woman who went through 3 rounds of ivf without being properly investigated. After this she had some investigations which found her to be suffering from severe endo which needed treatment. After this she got pregnant (might have been naturally - not sure as my friend saw this on the TV not me.) Oh and I saw that fertilaid are now doing a supplement that targets motility as well as count. There is now a UK seller which sells this as well (used to cost a fortune from America). Fertilaid seem like a reputable company with research behing their products so it may be worth a look. I have my DH on their general supplements.

https://medicaltestcentre.co.uk/Trying_To_Conceive/Fertility_Supplements/MotilityBoost_for_Men.html



Helen - good luck with everything and I hope you get all of the tests that you want/need and that they bring you closer to that BFP - it will happen! I know how you feel about getting upset when others get pregnant so easily. I have to go out for a friend's birthday in March and I know 2 other girls in that group have been trying and will likely to be making announcements that night. To be honest I just don't think I can go - it's heartbreaking!

Mysillygirls - How are you getting on with your cycle? I'll be joining you soo. have a scan on Friday after which I need to wait for af and will then start stimming (prob end of next week).

Lolly - glad you are feeling more positive. I feel a little bit like that but am finding it really hard to break the cycle of expecting the worst!

Hello everyone else and happy new year xxxxx


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## MySillyGirls

silarose28 said:


> hi everyone
> 
> Fluffy - I was devastated when I found out I had to wait 6 months! My first cycle didn't go ahead due to poor response so I was going to have to wait 6 months to find out if ICSI was even a viable option for me!!! There seems to be no sense behind this rule - particularly ay my age (37) when my fertility is nosediving at a rapid rate!!!
> 
> Lou - how is your cycle going. It is so annoying that the NHS don't even investigate things. I have endo but diagnosed this myself before arguing my way to a lap and dye to prove it! I heard a story about a woman who went through 3 rounds of ivf without being properly investigated. After this she had some investigations which found her to be suffering from severe endo which needed treatment. After this she got pregnant (might have been naturally - not sure as my friend saw this on the TV not me.) Oh and I saw that fertilaid are now doing a supplement that targets motility as well as count. There is now a UK seller which sells this as well (used to cost a fortune from America). Fertilaid seem like a reputable company with research behing their products so it may be worth a look. I have my DH on their general supplements.
> 
> https://medicaltestcentre.co.uk/Trying_To_Conceive/Fertility_Supplements/MotilityBoost_for_Men.html
> 
> 
> 
> Helen - good luck with everything and I hope you get all of the tests that you want/need and that they bring you closer to that BFP - it will happen! I know how you feel about getting upset when others get pregnant so easily. I have to go out for a friend's birthday in March and I know 2 other girls in that group have been trying and will likely to be making announcements that night. To be honest I just don't think I can go - it's heartbreaking!
> 
> Mysillygirls - How are you getting on with your cycle? I'll be joining you soo. have a scan on Friday after which I need to wait for af and will then start stimming (prob end of next week).
> 
> Lolly - glad you are feeling more positive. I feel a little bit like that but am finding it really hard to break the cycle of expecting the worst!
> 
> Hello everyone else and happy new year xxxxx

Hi, Sila! Right now I am just on the lupron but will start the actual stims on Monday. So, you and I will have similar timing :)


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## Inky2006

Hello everyone, new year, new start an all that. I have had alot of catching up to do on here.

Fluffy - just want to add my 2 pennies worth. My clinic will only carry out another IVF cycle after 3 months. This is mainly because some people's cycles are not back to normal. Mine was 45 days after failed cycle. Is usually every 30 days. After, my failed cycle I had to wait 2 months for a followup appt. I thought this was atrocious, and wrote a lengthy complaint. I even spoke to the PCT comissioners (that organise funding). It transpires that a 6 month wait in between cycles is often due to finances.In my case I am funding FET because would have waited until April (new financial year) luckily have just heard will now get funded for next full cycle and will still stay on the list. Under our PCT are entitled to two cycles and two FETs. This is very good according to what I have heard, but my PCT have been in huge financial difficulties.

As for me am trying to stay off bnb for abit because get too obsessed. My new years resolution is to go with the flow abit more and not over analyse everything. I am going into FET blind, because have banned myself from researching and looking at stats. The only thing I am going to try and do is obsess about getting fit.

Anyway, sending all of you some positivity and hope for 2011. I haven't got time to write to all of you but will be back soon to catch upxxxxx


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## Lou32

Thanks Silarose. Had a quick look but phew, it's still so expensive. DH used to be on Fertilaid (used to buy off ebay and it cost a fortune). i don't really know if they made a difference. His motility went up slightly, but I wasn't sure if it was the fact the second SA was done on site rather than taking it in in the car. He then went onto Wellman Conception for a few months and I've now got him on the Zita West tabs in the run up to our second icsi. Do you know what the shipping's like for this website? i couldn't find it anywhere. 
ZW tabs are already £20 a month, so this would take it up to nearly £40 a month. It's so tempting, but so much to pay with all the ivf to pay for. Whey can't these supplements be a reasonable price?!!
Just been looking at clinics too (thinking either Care Sheffield or Manchester, although I'm swaying towards Manchester) and I can't get over how much they charge for everything. It's looking like nearly £5k rather than the £4k we origi nally planned for. We need to win the lottery!!


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## silarose28

Hiya everyone

MSG - I've got a scan on Fri. I'll stop taking my pills a few days later and start stimming when af comes. We will be very close. Lots of luck to you - oh pllllleeeeaaaaase let us get our BFPs!!!!!!!

Inky - you will be doing FET around the same time too! Lots of luck to you too. This is a lucky thread I can feel it!

Lou - I know it's so ridiculous how much some of these supplements cost! I'm not sure whether I got DH's fertilaid from this site or another one - I have lost the invoice. I think it was that one though but I can't remember the shipping - soz! I reckon if you are talking Zita West then that should be plenty. Don't want to overdose on anything as it might do more harm than good. Zita West is quite reputable. I sometimes suspect half these supplement things are a bit of a con anyway. I know what you mean about the price of ivf. I had ICSI last time and am a poor repsonder so need loads of drugs. That really pushed the price up and we ended up paying around 6 and a half thousand!!! It's sooooo expensive and broke the bank for us. Our next go is nhs funded but I'm really scared they'll pull the funding any day now. Good luck as you research clinics - I'm sure you'll find the right one for you and get that BFP soon.

Hiya to everyone else too xxxxx


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## rachelle1975

Hey ladies :wave:

Hope you are all keeping well.

God yes... the expense of all the vits etc. are ridiculous! The best bit is, it's made no blooming difference in the last few years he has been taking them so i feel bad when i keep harassing him to take them every evening! :blush:

Fluffy - my NHS clinic was a 3-6 month wait inbetween NHS cycle and they offer 2 free (although i was only in the 1 catchment zone). That compared to my private clinic who will let you cycle again if you've had no adverse issues and your mentally strong enough. I guess with the NHS it's all down to the waiting list to make sure everyone gets a go? We've waited 4 months from the start of our 1st cycle to the start of the 2nd -at the time it felt like a decent wait to get my head space but after a month i wished we were doing it sooner - then the start date came and i wanted to push it back! :haha:

Ladies.... for those of you who have started cycle 2 or who are just about to, how did you feel? My stress levels as far as the drugs (needle phobic) and the GA etc. are fine, i'm not worried at all but i took the early m/c so badly last time i'm freaking out about the end result and my reaction more than anything? Feel so dumb as i can't control the outcome and 'you've got to be in it to win it' and all that.....?? xx


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## Inky2006

rachelle1975 said:


> Hey ladies :wave:
> 
> Hope you are all keeping well.
> 
> God yes... the expense of all the vits etc. are ridiculous! The best bit is, it's made no blooming difference in the last few years he has been taking them so i feel bad when i keep harassing him to take them every evening! :blush:
> 
> Fluffy - my NHS clinic was a 3-6 month wait inbetween NHS cycle and they offer 2 free (although i was only in the 1 catchment zone). That compared to my private clinic who will let you cycle again if you've had no adverse issues and your mentally strong enough. I guess with the NHS it's all down to the waiting list to make sure everyone gets a go? We've waited 4 months from the start of our 1st cycle to the start of the 2nd -at the time it felt like a decent wait to get my head space but after a month i wished we were doing it sooner - then the start date came and i wanted to push it back! :haha:
> 
> Ladies.... for those of you who have started cycle 2 or who are just about to, how did you feel? My stress levels as far as the drugs (needle phobic) and the GA etc. are fine, i'm not worried at all but i took the early m/c so badly last time i'm freaking out about the end result and my reaction more than anything? Feel so dumb as i can't control the outcome and 'you've got to be in it to win it' and all that.....?? xx

I feel like you Rachelle in terms of the end result. I'm abit 'what if' at the moment. I took my BFN badly too (hence starting this thread) To a certain extent am still worried that there is something wrong with me that may affect implantation. Like you I also wish I had had the next cycle sooner, but now (also like you) want to push it back abit, as abit scared. Once bitten twice shy (so the saying goes) and am nervous. But as you have so rightly said 'You've got to be in it to win it'. 

I do remain hopeful but doubtful at the same time. 

Silarose - good luck - will keep my fingers crossed for youxx

Hope everyone else okayxx


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## rachelle1975

Sometimes having a break from here is good, I think you need it to clear your headspace on occasion. I got fed up of the 'at least you know you can get pregnant' comments after the early m/c which wasn't exactly how I was feeling at all. I'm not mentioning the IVF in my diary so people don't ask too many questions.

Inky why do you think you might have implantation problems?x


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## wishful think

My best friend just told me that she is pregnant. They have been trying for 3 months!!!!! I'm happy but sad and jealous all rolled into one. My dh was very quiet when I told him the news. She said she was going to text me and tell me on New Year's Eve!! Thank God she didnt. I doubt I would have been able to hold it together. I think I have had enough of heartache and crying!!! When can it be our turn?????:cry:


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## silarose28

wishful think said:


> My best friend just told me that she is pregnant. They have been trying for 3 months!!!!! I'm happy but sad and jealous all rolled into one. My dh was very quiet when I told him the news. She said she was going to text me and tell me on New Year's Eve!! Thank God she didnt. I doubt I would have been able to hold it together. I think I have had enough of heartache and crying!!! When can it be our turn?????:cry:

Oh Wishful I know just how painful that is! It just seems so unfair that we have to wait for so long - but we will get there in the end! .

I find infertility socially isolating. I have to avoid pregnant people as I get so upset! I am dreading a friends bday in March. I will have to go out with a group of 4 friends - 2 of whom have been trying recently and I just know they will be making their announcements around then. I went out with them in March last year and all they talked about was babies so I cried for 2 days afterwards! I told my 2 closest friends from the group that I couldn't do that again so I think they will be supportive - but I still won't be able to stop newly pregnant people from celebrating and I can't bear it! I've stopped feeling guilty though. The way I see it is they are estatically happy and have lots of people to be happy with. I feel shit so they should understand if I am sensitive. I will of course smile and celebrate with them as I won't spoil their moment - but I will cry for ages afterwards. There are 2 pregnant girls in work and I just can't bring myself to talk to them about their bumps! They must think I am rude but do you know what I'm past caring! I need to go into self preservation mode. The fertile world doesn't 'get' how isolating this all is and it's horrible!!!!

Hope you feel better soon hone. Sending you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## MissMonty

Hey ladies - wishing you all a happy new year :flower: :hugs:

I've been AWOL for a while so got some catching up to do - not been feeling great about our situation but tried to have a nice Christmas with family.

Gonna read through the posts now - thinking of you all :hugs:


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## MissMonty

silarose28 said:


> wishful think said:
> 
> 
> My best friend just told me that she is pregnant. They have been trying for 3 months!!!!! I'm happy but sad and jealous all rolled into one. My dh was very quiet when I told him the news. She said she was going to text me and tell me on New Year's Eve!! Thank God she didnt. I doubt I would have been able to hold it together. I think I have had enough of heartache and crying!!! When can it be our turn?????:cry:
> 
> Oh Wishful I know just how painful that is! It just seems so unfair that we have to wait for so long - but we will get there in the end! .
> 
> I find infertility socially isolating. I have to avoid pregnant people as I get so upset! I am dreading a friends bday in March. I will have to go out with a group of 4 friends - 2 of whom have been trying recently and I just know they will be making their announcements around then. I went out with them in March last year and all they talked about was babies so I cried for 2 days afterwards! I told my 2 closest friends from the group that I couldn't do that again so I think they will be supportive - but I still won't be able to stop newly pregnant people from celebrating and I can't bear it! I've stopped feeling guilty though. The way I see it is they are estatically happy and have lots of people to be happy with. I feel shit so they should understand if I am sensitive. I will of course smile and celebrate with them as I won't spoil their moment - but I will cry for ages afterwards. There are 2 pregnant girls in work and I just can't bring myself to talk to them about their bumps! They must think I am rude but do you know what I'm past caring! I need to go into self preservation mode. The fertile world doesn't 'get' how isolating this all is and it's horrible!!!!
> 
> Hope you feel better soon hone. Sending you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

Ladies I so now how you are feeling :hugs: I know how sad and upset these situtations make me feel and I'm sorry that anyone has to feel this way :hugs:

Friends of ours had their baby on boxing day, luckily we were away but we got the text messages, I felt sick when we got the message, their baby was early but very healthy which is great. This couple got preggers after they split up, they argue all the time and are so wrong for each other, yet they manage to get up the duff by accident :shrug: it really does my head in thinking about it. I haven't seen them yet, I just can't deal with it at the moment, but have sent them a gift and card via DH - no thanks have come back as yet - wish I hadn't bothered now.

Also got 3 pregnant girls at work - it's all they talk about all day, they keep getting out their scan photos, they go out for lunch together and come back from town with baby stuff, showing it off to the office and then today I felt under pressure to put money into a collection for one of them who is going on maternity leave, I've spent thousands trying to get pregnant and now all I seem to do at the moment is buy gifts for friends who have just had babies or giving money to maternity leave collections :wacko: As you said Silarose - they probably think I'm being rude as I just keep my head down and only talk to them if I have to but it's the only way I can get through the day - luckily I'm out on the road again from next week so I won't have to see them for a while.

Sorry for the rant but just wanted you all to know that no matter how isolated you feel there are people out there who understand :hugs:


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## silarose28

Hiya Missmonty - I have actually been sent out to buy the bloody baby clothes for 1 lady having her second baby. I hardly even know her. A male colleague came over to me saying he wouldn't have a clue and just assumed I woudl do it! I felt llike screaming - but I was too paranoid to protest in case anyone noticed and guessed I was inferitle and not coping!!!! Arggh! I also went out ahopping with some friends last week and was dragged into a baby clothes shop where I spent ages as they picked out cute baby clothes. They had no idea that it just made feel like crying my eyes out. I was so looking forward to Xams after my BFP and being in that shop made it really hit hoome that all my hopes had been dashed and actually nobody gets it - I feel like to them it's just like a late period I should be over by now!!!! I'm probably being oversensitive but I can't help it!

I am having a right old moan on different threads tonight. Need to get it out of my system though. My friend and I were laughing about how infertility has not only made us mad - but also really wrinkly with all the frowning lol!


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## wishful think

Having a really terrible day. Cant stop crying. Am just fed up with everything. After my friend told me yesterday that she is pregnant, my sister told me this morning that she just had a miscarriage on New Year's Eve. I feel bad for her and i do know what it feels like as i went through it in july '09. I feel bad for thinking this and even typing this but I just cant believe she was pregnant again, she has a 7 month old little baby boy. And all i could think about was myself. How selfish am I??? I just kept thinking well that means she has been trying and no doubt she will be pregnant again soon and i just cant deal with another pregnant person right now. I feel so bad for even typing this and i'm actually in floods of tears here but the pain and heartache of this infertility just seems never ending. 

To add to it all my clinic told me today that my 2nd round of icsi is up in the air until i get my af (this month and then next month). It's late and now the nurse put the thought into my head that i might be pregnant. But i know i'm not but u know how the story goes -u get a glimmer of hope and u want so much for it to be true that u start to have thoughts that maybe it is going to be true. But i know when i do a test in the morning my heart will break again even though there is no way i could get pregnant naturally. 

I feel so ashamed for feeling this jealousy towards my sister but i just cant help it. I wouldnt wish the pain of a miscarriage on anyone and i feel so selfish. Infertility has drove me to be this person. I was never this way before. I hate being like this. I just want to be happy again and to have just even one day to not even think about getting pregnant!!! I cant talk to my dh about this as i dont want to upset him. All i seem to do is talk about vitamins, tests, clinics, appointments, ivf. If i was him i would hate to be married to me. I'm sorry girls, i'm just not dealing with all of this very well today.


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## wishful think

After the worst night last night i got up this morning and did a pregnancy test cause my af is a week late after my failed ICSI. I got a BFP. I'm in total shock!!! I just cant believe this. Like i have 2 blocked tubes. Maybe the failed ivf cleared one. I really dont know what to think. I did a ditigal test and it said i'm 3-4 weeks pregnant. Could it be wrong??? What the hell???? Oh my god, i'm actually afraid to get excited!!!!! 
After my last post to this post my head is spinning!!!! Please let this be real!!!!


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## Helen76

Wishful that is amazing, congratulations!!!!! :happydance::happydance:

It really gives us all hope, you lucky b*gg*r lol!!!

Wishing you an incredibly happy and healthy 9 months. 

Hopefuly see you in the Pregnancy forums before too long!

H xx


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## wishful think

helenttc said:


> Wishful that is amazing, congratulations!!!!! :happydance::happydance:
> 
> It really gives us all hope, you lucky b*gg*r lol!!!
> 
> Wishing you an incredibly happy and healthy 9 months.
> 
> Hopefuly see you in the Pregnancy forums before too long!
> 
> H xx

Oh Helenttc I hope so!!! If it is really in there, it's a miracle baby for sure :happydance:


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## angiemon

Wishful that is amazing. I'm nearly crying in happiness for you. I think I told you ages ok, you have a lucky name!!
I'm so happy for you, hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months.

Ps I an crying now xxxx


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## fluffystar

OMG That is amazing wishful, im in tears too! A real little miracle, there is hope for us all. So pleased for you x


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## wishful think

Thank you to everyone for your good wishes. I did my 2nd test stick this morning and got another BFP :) It truly is a miracle baby!!!! My dh's sperm must have gone from swimming backwards (stupid sperm) to be like olmypic swimmers that can break down walls. I don't know how this happened (well apart from the obvious) with 2 blocked tubes and being told just over 4 months ago that i would never be able to get pregnant naturally. I do think this story (MY STORY, agggghhhhhhh) will give others hope. Well i hope it does cause it has given me and my dh hope back :) love and kisses to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## silarose28

:yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee::yipee:

So pleased for you wishful!!!!

Congratulations again honey xxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Have posted on another thread also but just wanted to doubley celebrate with you wishful! CONGRATULATIONS!! (so jealous....:happydance:)!!!

Love to all you ladies, Wishful has started a good year for us ALL!

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lou32

wishful think said:


> Thank you to everyone for your good wishes. I did my 2nd test stick this morning and got another BFP :) It truly is a miracle baby!!!! My dh's sperm must have gone from swimming backwards (stupid sperm) to be like olmypic swimmers that can break down walls. I don't know how this happened (well apart from the obvious) with 2 blocked tubes and being told just over 4 months ago that i would never be able to get pregnant naturally. I do think this story (MY STORY, agggghhhhhhh) will give others hope. Well i hope it does cause it has given me and my dh hope back :) love and kisses to everyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wow, it goes to show what wishful thinking will do!!
If you don't mind me asking, how many swimmers were you told your DH had? Really makes us all feel like anything's possible.


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## J_in_Dubai

Oh wow, what amazing news, wishful! I was reading this thread and I couldn't believe it when I read your two posts- you must be over the moon! Huge congratulations to you!!


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## wishful think

Lou32 said:


> Wow, it goes to show what wishful thinking will do!!
> If you don't mind me asking, how many swimmers were you told your DH had? Really makes us all feel like anything's possible.

Hi Lou. Dh's first SA was in Feb 2010 (so 11 months ago now) and his count was 2.7 million and 11% motility. His second SA was in April 2010 and his count was 7.3 and motility was 15%. His 3rd and final SA was in July (I think) and the count had gone down to 6 million and motility was 20%. Havent got the paperwork from the 3rd SA as that was done in our fertility clinic but can remember the count was 6. something. The first 2 SA's were done in another hospital. They found round cells in his 3rd SA so he was put on antibiotics and he was put on them again before our egg collection in November just to make sure any infection was gone!!!! The other hospital never mentioned any round cells but i think our clinic was more thorough and properly checked his 3rd SA for any abnormalities!! Hope this helps xxx


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## MissMonty

wishful think said:


> After the worst night last night i got up this morning and did a pregnancy test cause my af is a week late after my failed ICSI. I got a BFP. I'm in total shock!!! I just cant believe this. Like i have 2 blocked tubes. Maybe the failed ivf cleared one. I really dont know what to think. I did a ditigal test and it said i'm 3-4 weeks pregnant. Could it be wrong??? What the hell???? Oh my god, i'm actually afraid to get excited!!!!!
> After my last post to this post my head is spinning!!!! Please let this be real!!!!

Wow - Congratulations - you have given me hope :happydance:


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## wishful think

Hi girls!! Just an update for you all. Just got the results from my first Beta hcg blood test and it's 602. The doctor said that's perfect. And YES it is a miracle baby because as far as they know I defo concieved the cycle after my failed ICSI!!!!! The clinic were as baffled as myself and my dh!!! All they could say was miracles can happen!!! Hope this gives so many people hope. Thank you all again for your good wishes. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lou32

wishful think said:


> Hi girls!! Just an update for you all. Just got the results from my first Beta hcg blood test and it's 602. The doctor said that's perfect. And YES it is a miracle baby because as far as they know I defo concieved the cycle after my failed ICSI!!!!! The clinic were as baffled as myself and my dh!!! All they could say was miracles can happen!!! Hope this gives so many people hope. Thank you all again for your good wishes. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

That's just incredible. You must be so excited! Maybe your DH had something as simple as an infection then that cleared up with the antibiotics. They say tubes can clear, and you're proof that they can! It's just amazing that these things really can happen!


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## Inky2006

Congrats wishfulx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Inky

I know you have stayed away from B'n'B for a bit. Think its sometimes what you need as I have found that I to have become a bit obsessive. Its good to talk but sometimes its best to try and forget about everything (not that it ever really goes away). Anyway just sending you my love and hope you are holding up ok. Not long to go now.

Lolly xxxxxxx

Ps: Love the piccie!!


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## Inky2006

Oh hi Lolly, just dropping by. Everything you have said is spot on. I have also been very busy with work too and going to the gym (and this is exhausting.) I do appreciate the support on here. I just think I have a tendency of over analysing and researching, and sometimes this doesn't do me any favours. I have to keep myself away for periods and try and forget! (which is very hard)

Thank you for your lovely kind words. By the way I love your avatar. What an adorable little kittie? anyway, thinking of you too. Hope all is going well. Have you got your own journal, Poppy? I'll be back soonxx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Inky

Good to hear from you. Thanks, the little kitty is my Billy. Love him to bits but my god does a kitten wreck you house, imagine a baby!! Haha!! Woulod be loving it! Anyways he's next to me on the bed now, and must admit sadly he isn't smelling to nice right now!!! Ewwww! :haha:

I had my second zolodex injection monday and last night felt the rage just hit me out of no where! Started a massive argument with OH, really nothing to argue about, then cried, then got mad again. Never really had PMT due to my absent periods so all this is a bit of a shock. I also vowwed not to log on to B'n'B for few days but here I am again. Its great for support and talking but I am finding myself similar to you and reading to much into everything. It can make you insane!! Love this site but at same time it keeps treatment at the forefront of the mind. Tricky one. I'm not sure if i'll start a journal when treatemnt begins or just hide away like last time, guess will have to see what frame of mind i'm in at the time. Hopefully better than last time!

Good for you with gym, and keep plodding on at work. I have interview monday, already stressing about them looking into my sickness!! Don't think them discovering i'm due further treatment in march would go down too well... they would only be thinking maternity cover also (I soooo wish!!!!) Anyways there I go again over analysing!!

Best go and sort the stinky cat!! Take care won't you and much love,

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :hugs:


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

I am having a bit of a panic. I am starting my next round of ICSI. I was told to take the pill, then stop and wait for af, then take clomid on day 2. I stopped the pill on Sun and I thought af started on Thur evening but it was light so I didn't count that as day 1. Overnight and on Fri morning I defo got bright red flow - I filled a reg tampax in the morning (sorry tmi). I thought 'yay' this is day 1 and booked my scan. However, on Fri afternoon it was very light. Last night I got a bit of flow and small clots when I went to toilet in the night, but today it is very light again. I have taken my clomid today as I think it is day 2 - but now I am so unsure. My periods are normally REALLY heavy and this one is different. Like I say - there has been red flow but much lighter than normal. I seem to remember the nurse sayingxxxxxx that the pill could make your period lighter but I am not sure. I have had to take the clomid today in case I 'missed the boat'. What do you think? I so hope I haven't jumped the gun - but I do think today is probably day 2! HELP!! I am in such a panic ladies xxxxxxxxx


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## Lou32

Sila - I'm sure AF is always lighter on the pill (I think I can just abour remember so far back when I used to take it!) I remember getting a bit of a shock when I came off it because my periods were much heavier and more painful. They were a breeze on the pill.

AF arrived for me today, which was a relief. Had the worst PMT for the past few days - so much more worse than normal (those blasted ivf drugs still playing tricks with my body?!) Unfortunately the PMT happened to coincide with a visit from the MIL. Not a good combination.
Countdown for us to Weds, when we have our failed icsi follow-up appt. Can't wait as it feels like we're in limbo at the moment, stuck in a never ending cycle of dragging my miserable arse to work and wishing I could just get pregnant and go on mat leave!


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## silarose28

Hiya Lou

Thanks for the reassurance honey. I've calmed down a bit now - it couldn't really have been anything other than af really!

Good luck for your follow up appointment. Am I right in remembering you were considering changing your clinic and were looking around at others? (CARE rather than Leeds?) I hope the new fs at your current clinic makes you feel more confident. Let's hope they are able to answer all of your questions etc.

Work is a struggle for me at the moment too. I just don't feel like I belong there - I should be looking after my children at home. It's my total ambition to be a housewife lol! I'm just going through the motions everyday with this obsession in my head argh!!!!


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## angiemon

Sila and lou, you have both said exactly what i am exactly feeling.

We will have our babies this time!!

xx


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## Helen76

Hello my lovelies,

How are we all doing? I had to take a break from this site as it was all getting on top of me.

Since I last posted I've been to see a Counsellor, it was helpful to talk things through but didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know. I really couldn't believe it though because I met an ex work colleague for lunch the same day and she told me she was pregnant! Of all the days!! I managed to somehow hold it together for the rest of the day before coming back in the house and breaking down in tears (again!) in front of DH. 

I also had my follow up yesterday, to cut a long story short (more details in my journal for anyone who is interested) I'm now awaiting an appointment to have a lap and dye and it looks like my plan to start my third attempt at the end of March is out the window.

Obviously I'm hoping the lap and dye will show that we should carry on trying naturally but I just feel once again my life is not in control and I'm sick of it!! I also couldn't believe how sad I felt yesterday at the clinic, I felt a failure because I couldn't conceive naturally and a failure because I couldn't conceive with IVF. Not a good feeling!

Anyway from what I have picked up from other posts:

Silarose - really hope your follies pick up for your next scan. Am thinking of you :hugs:

Lolly - its rubbish when friends get pregnant, I hope you feel better soon :hugs:

MSG - quality not quantity, hope your ET goes well :)

Inky - hope your snow babies are thawing nicely

Lou - how did your follow up go?

Hi to everyone else, sorry if I have missed anything important - it takes a while to catch up!

H xx


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## silarose28

Hi Helen

Sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. I know what you mean about counselling not telling you anything you didn't already know. I went to see a counsellor and just talked to her like I would talk to 1 of my friends. I have to go again next week and feel really unsure whether I want to. I think I will try it and not go again if it's not for me. It's so hard hearing about everyone else being pregnant isn't it? After my awful scan yesterday I was sitting next to 2 girls with beautiful bumps all day! I was just fighting back tears every time I looked in their direction. They are getting so much attention at the mo - I keep getting emails about their baby showers - what people have brough so far and what is needed etc. I am so insanely jealous it kills me. All I could think yesterday is that won't ever be me! It's normal to cry after someone makes a pregnancy anouncement and I'm glad you've got your DH to support you. Hope you are feeling a bit better today. I have got loads of friends 'trying' at the mo and honestly don't know how I will cope if it doesn't happen for us soon!

Good luck with you lap and dye honey. I hope it gives you some answers and helps you along your journey which is not over by any means! How long do you have to wait? I was told they had to do my lap within 4 months. After a couple of months I called in as I hadn't heard anything. The lady on the phone sent me an appointment straight away - I am sure she would have done this if I would have phoned earlier as she was so helpful and appointments didn't seem to be a problem. Might be worth a try for you to do this to get things moving?

I am trying to have PMA today - maybe my follies will catch up. Though every time I think that I feel sick with fear that it is just false hope. Oh well at least I have stopped crying constantly like I was yesterday.


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## Helen76

Hey Sila, good on you for the PMA. I hope it gets you through the day.

I would probably recommend you see the counsellor again, I think it can't do any harm. I might see mine again but I think I need to know where I'm at before I do that. I've been told I shouldn't have to wait too long for the op, should be Feb/March I guess. The letter will come from the hospital not the clinic and I have no idea how long they take to turn these things around, I hate waiting!!

Boo for everyone being pregnant. It will be our turn soon though, we have to believe that.

Thinking of you,
H xx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Helen

Great to hear from you, but not so good about your bad day. I'm sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. I agree with Sila though, stick with the councillor for now. Even though it doesn't change anything sometimes it's just good to unload to someone neutral. But I guess it depends on your support group. I found councillor helpful as I didn't tell many people about ICSI, so found when it failed I didn't have many people to talk to. I tried to talk with DP, but there's only so much he can take before getting upset and so councillor was great for that. Thinking of going again soon.

Its good that you seem to be quick to have your lap and dye. Fingers crossed for some positive results. Think you deserve it.

Why is it everyone seems to be pregnant?!! Had a meltdown when heard some of our friends are having their first. They don't know about our treatemnt so won't be sensitive. Dreading seeing them and having the scan pic thrust in my face. I don't even feel bad saying it, know I don't have to justify myself to you ladies.

Good luck tomorrow Sila, I hope that your follies have caught up.

What a rollercoaster ride all this is, will be happy when we can all get of and enjoy life fully.

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone

I know long time no hear. 

Helen - welcome back. Hopefully Lap and Dye will show everything is okay. Sorry you are feeling down.

Lolly - hope all is going well with the zolodex. How long dyou do that for, and what does it actually do. I am abit naive on this. 

Sila - hope your follicles have caught up (as said by others.) I agree, its a nerve wracking time

Hi Lou32 and Angiomum. Hope you are both okay.

As for me, I'm okay. I guess I'm about as skeptical as they get. I am doing a natural FET, on Monday I have first USS, to check when I'm about to ovulate. I think the worst thing wil be waiting for embies to thaw. Also, don't expect it to work as FET has less chance but going ahead anyway. I realised today, that I have waited 6 months in between treatments, and it has felt like a lifetime. Just hope it works this year.

Also, I'm fed up of this bloomin baby boom. I'm sick, like everyone else of having to make polite conversations about people's children, and their pregnancies. Like everyone else, I want to be the one that has something to look forward to. Anyway, just needed to get that off my chest. Take care everyonexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Inky

Lovely to hear from you. I wish you all the luck in the world with FET. I'm not going to give you all the spiel about positivity etc. I'm sure you've heard it 100 times over, as we all have. Feel how you feel. I just hope you hold up ok and that 2011 with be your year, one way or another. You're in my thoughts :hugs:

The zolodex is to reduce an ovarian cyst. Had it last cycle and it reduced it by half. Now having it again with hope it'll make it smaller or maybe even go, fingers crossed. Have final one of three a week monday and then all systems go. Well in March anyways, we will get the exact date to start at the appointment.

Good luck with everything. THAW EMBIES!

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx :flower:


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## Inky2006

Hi Lolly

Thanks for your kind words. All I can do is hope I guess.

I wasn't aware that zolodex reduced cysts. It seems to be very successful from what you are saying. I have given zolodex (usually to men with prostrate cancer) and think you are brave having it because its quite a nasty injection isn't it. If its the same kind, I usually give some lidnocaine (local anesthetic) before administering it. Anyway, its a means to an end isn't it!

March will come round quickly.

Anyway, take care Inkyxxx


----------



## Lolly1985

Hi Inky

Yes it is for the treatment of prostate cancer. I read this on the packaging before my first treatment and did challenge the nurse before she gave it to me, just to make sure!! 

You sound a lovely nurse, mine just stick in in!!! Does hurt but think i'm getting used to it now, only one more to go.

I hope you've had a nice weekend and thinking of you, Lolly xxxxxxx


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

Inky -good luck with FET tomorrow. I am having ec tomorrow. Fx'd for both of us that things go to plan. Bring on the 2ww argh!!!!! Good luck honey.

Lolly and Helen - thanks for your good wishes - I'll let you know how things go tomorrow xxxxxx


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## Inky2006

Hi Lolly, ah thank you. Your very brave anyway, us nurses (and I know a few doctors) aren't half so brave.xxx

Sila - good luck for tomorrow - hope you get a good nights sleep. I will be thinking of youxxx

Hi to everyone elsexx


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## Helen76

Best of luck Sila!!! Let us know how you get on. Got everything crossed for you.

Inky - can totally understand you being a bit sceptical, FET does have a lower success rate but it does have a success rate so why shouldn't it be you?

Hey Lolly, sounds like you're going through it a bit. Thinking of you.

I'm feeling a bit better today, thankfully and it's great having your support - thank you.

H xx


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## Lolly1985

Good luck ladies, bring on the 2ww (bleugh!) But hopefully with a fab outcome :dust:

xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Inky2006

Good luck silax


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## Lou32

Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I checked in with you. Unfortunately the bladder condition I have flaired up the past few weeks and I've been whiling my time away on a different forum moaning about my pain! I did miss all of you though. There's certainly a lot more hugs and smiley faces on here than there is over there!  I happed to mention the fact I'd been through IVF and was going to have another go and one of the girls asked why we didn't just adopt. Does this annoy you like it does me? I'm fed up of people asking me if we've considered it. Like it doesn't go through my mind ALL the time that it might come to that. Of course we would, but I don't think other people understand what's it's like being faced with this - they don't realise how much we'll fight to have children. You just have to read this thread to see we're a resilient bunch! 
Anyway, we had our follow-up appointment at the clinic and saw a new doc. He wasn't v nice (maybe it's me, but there aren't many doctors I do like. Maybe I just rub them up the wrong way by asking lots of questions, but they all seem to get really defensive, which winds me up even more).
Basically said I'd responded "beautifully" to the drugs and that we should have another go as it was bad luck. He did say he thought it might have been the sperm quality which ultimately let us know (DH's count had gone down from around 25 mill per ml to 10 mil! Before that it had been 38 mil. No idea how that happened.)
He refused to send DH for any tests to find out why motility so low. He only agreed to a basic hormone blood test. 
Only success really was that he agreed I could have my tubes checked (a HSG). He argued against it due to budgets etc and I pointed out that we wouldn't be taking any more money from the NHS as we had had our free go and would be private from now on, so didn't the NHS owe it to us to tell me if we can get preg naturally? He reluctantly agreed. I have to arrange it when I come on my period. I also have an MRI planned for around that time too for my bladder problem, so that's gonna be a fun fortnight. 
We're going to Care in Man'cr next week for an open evening, which I'm really excited about!
Sorry, I've really waffled on here...
Lots and lots and lots of luck to Sila and Inky. Will be thinking of you in the dreaded 2WW. Take it easy and put your feet up, read a good book. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Hope everyone else is OK. Sorry I didn't go back through all the posts. 
We need a BFP on here soon!


----------



## Lou32

Sorry, I just want to add that if I have to read about one more pregnant celebrity then I'm gonna scream!!! It's bad enough with friends and family being pregnant without having to watch a pregnant Holly Willoughby and Emma Bunton every Sunday night, stare at pregnant celebs on the front of newspapers and read their announcements whenever I go online. 
Don't read the Daily Mail's Femail! It should be re-named Celeb Pregnancies. 
AAArgh! Just had to get that off my chest!


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## Inky2006

Hi Lou

Lovely to see you again. I absolutely agree with you about the adoption thing. My friend said that to me the other day. Its almost as if people have no faith IVF/ICSI will work. My reply was that I'm not at the stage of even considering adoption yet. I also know that IVF/ICSI does work. Sometimes it just takes quite a few cycles and tests to get there. Its costly and time consuming but adoption is also. So why not try for your own. 

Its really good that you are going for the HSG, I think its sensible, and to be honest I may also have more tests next time. Hopefully, it will just confirm that you are okay. 

You must feel better since you v'e had your appointment. Interesting to hear what FS said about DH's sperm. I have read some research that suggests the sperm DNA influences development of embroyo from day 3, so if not good,is not going to develop. I must admit this my greatest fear. Having said that lots of people have had success with ICSI with MF. It seems there are so many factors that influence implantation also. Also I think 2 embies are better than 1 (I don't care what the HFEA says)

As for Doctors. Well I work with them. I pretty much always rub them up the wrong way. I will say there are some very good doctors. I think alot of them do not like their expertise questioned, but why shouldn't you take control of the situation - as the patient. Especially, when you are paying. I think that was very brave. Many of us (including me) are too meek and mild.

I must admit my consultant is very nice, but having said that I did make a complaint (. I waited two months for a followup and felt like I was left in limbo. ) Its a long and boring story. However, maybe that's why she is so nice.

Anyway, I know what you mean about celebrities and their pregnancies. Just gets on your nerves. I can't even watch dancing on ice. I am not that keen on Holly or Emma Bunton anyway. Why is an ex spice girl judging ice skaters anyway? 

I'm sorry to hear about your bladder problem. Thats all you need. Hope you get it sorted soon. 

I'm pleased that you get more support from this forum. I agree I also do. I think it is has attracted a nice bunch of people. I think we have to help each other through this. Its the only way.

Anyway, hi to everyone. sila, hope everything went fine. speak soon
Hope everyone else okay

xxxxxxx


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## silarose28

Hiya Inky and Lou - just wrote a really long message to you both and accidentally deleted it argh! Will write it again tomorrow as need to go to bed early ready for transfer tomorrow.

Inky is your transfer tomorrow too? Sorry I'm finding it difficult to keep up with everyone. Good luck hun xxx


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## Lou32

Inky, honestly I feel like my biggest battle is with doctors at the moment. Not as much with the TTC but with my painful bladder. I've had two different diagnoses and all the urologists I've seen are out of ideas. My last one put me back on long-term antibiotics which have just caused me more pain, just like I told her they did last time, but she refused to believe they could. They never listen to my opinion and it feels like I'm talking to myself. I'm thinking of seeing a specialist in London just to rule out a couple of things, so we'll see. Won't be cheap though, which makes me feel angry. I've always been a big supporter of the NHS, but I have to say I feel really disappointed in in after the year I've had. I agree there are some good doctors, and I've met some absolutely lovely nurses who have been complete angels, but there are too many doctors out there who can't see past their own arrogance. Anyway, yet another rant over!

Ooh, you must both let us know how you're getting on. Wow, night before transfer is both exciting and nerve-wracking as hell. We're all willing you both on!

Well I decided to buy one of those fertility monitors off ebay in the hope that I might have some kind of miracle like Wishful did (figured that if the chances of it happening naturally are slim, I might aswell give us a good chance and trade in the the internet cheapie OPKs for a super duper monitor!), but I didn't even get past the first hurdle of receiving the monitor this cycle as it's got lost in the post. Maybe someone's trying to tell me I'm wasting my money...or maybe Royal Mail's just rubbish...Who knows!


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## silarose28

Hi girls on my way for et now - will catch up with you later x


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## Inky2006

Oh good luck on ET sila. Fingers crossedxxx


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## silarose28

Hiya ladies

Lou - well done for insisting on an hsg . I have also discovered that doctors vary a lot and some are better than others. The good ones listen to us as we know our bodies the best and have vested interest in getting things right . The bad ones just make everything so bloody stressful !Good lick with your tests and I hope your bladder gets better soon . Let us know how you got on at care 

Inky thanks for the good wishes . I had two eight cell embies transferred so I am putting my feet up this afternoon . How are you getting on Hun ?

Sorry for short messages but am on my phone xxx


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## Helen76

Hey Sila - congrats on being PUPO!! Got everything crossed for you, hope you have a lovely, relaxing 2ww.

H xx

PS Welcome back Lou and well done for sticking to your guns x


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## Inky2006

hi thats great sila. take care. xxx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Lou

Welcome back! Was wondering where you ahd gone and hoping yo were ok. Sorry to hear all your troubles, hope you are on the mend. Glad to hear you have pushed for some more answers, hope you get what you are looking for.

Hi Inky and Helen, how are you both getting on? All good I hope. Inky hope 2ww is treating you well (or as well as can be expected). :hugs:

Sila, like I've said on the other thread congrats with your fab 8 cell embies!

I am getting my dates for cycle 2 on monday :happydance: Finally feel like i'm getting there. Even though I know it'll likely be the end of march, at least with a date in mind I know what i'm working towards.

Love to you all!

Lolly xxxxxx


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## Lou32

I'm so excited for you both now! In fact, what are you still doing in the failed support group?! Lol You're back in the game! 
Lolly - your cat is so cute! I have a lovely pussy cat called Freddie who's so soft he hasn't been out for two days because of the wind and rain. Honestly, I spoil my cat so much that I think I've made him that soft! I wonder what kind of child I'd bring up if I've done that to my cat!

Well my little sister went into labour today. It's been a really hard nine months, especially with the failed IVF happening while she was pregnant. Now she's gone into labour four days before we go for our appointment at Care. I sometimes think if there is a God, he must be having a right laugh at me! I am excited for her and I can't wait to meet her little one, but I just hope I won't be too far behind her as I don't think I can bear it any longer...We started TTC while she was planning her wedding and in that time she's got married and had a baby. Just doesn't seem fair. 

Sila - two eight-cell embies is fab news. I hope you have a relaxing time being PUPO (as much as you can anyway!)
Hope everyong has a great weekend xxx


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## Lolly1985

Thanks Lou, my little Billy! We got him when I found out would have to wait 6 months between treatments. I felt like I needed something to love! He's great but yep, same as you, spoil him so much! I work with children and am so much tougher on them than Billy! DP often says if i'm like this with a cat what would I be like with a baby.... :haha: Yours sounds a cutie to, lovely fur babies! 

Too true about the forum as well. Few of us have joined the 'ladies trying again in 2011' forum. Exciting to be trying again yet terrifying. 

Pleeeeeeeeez let in be our year ladies!!

xxxxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Oh and also hope that your are coping ok with circumstances regarding your sister. Lovely to be an auntie but know the feeling that the only title that all of us really want is mummy. My SIL thinks she's pregnant. I wish her well (she has had 3 previous m/c), I hope its her time. Yet there is always that voice (the one that fills me with guilt), that says what if mine fails and I have to see her beautiful baby bump.... Then I try so hard to bring myself back to the here and now. Its a hard journey. I keep thinking that its got to work, there is no other option!!


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## Inky2006

Hello guys

By the way just to let you I am not in the two week wait yet. I am on a natural FET cycle. Today picked up LH surge and injected ovitrelle (HCG trigger) then tomorrow I start cyclogest suppositories. Then, this week I will have them back. I am abit nervous. I have a few hurdles to go through yet. 

Lolly - Billy is georgous. I'm pleased youv'e getting info for next cycle Monday. Its good to feel that you can look forward again.

Lou - It must be really hard for you with your sister. I can really relate to that. My husbands cousin had a baby on my birthday back in November and we were only at her wedding in December 2009. I am happy for her but at the same time - like you I feel like someone up there is having a right laugh at me to. Having said that I am sure you are very happy for your sister. 

Fur babies
It seems we are all cat lovers. If it wasn't for my fur babies I don't know if I would have coped so well. My cats are my babies, and like yours, they are all very spoilt. Funny, mine haven't been going out in this weather. Although they hardly ever go out. I wonder what ever happened to Rambo's hunter/killer instinct. Freddie and Billy sound very sweet.

As for other forums. I don't want to go on a cycle forum. What I mean is I don't want to compare with others. Its also disappointing when they get a BFP and you don't. So I stick to my journal and coming here. Anyway, take care.xxxxxx


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## Lou32

Inky - I totally understand about not wanting to go onto a forum where you're checking symtoms. When I went through the last icsi before Xmas I deliberately kept away from the computer all the way through injections, but then during the 2ww I couldn't resist a few posts, but I wasn't into comparing symptoms. Everyone's so different, it's impossible to compare anyway. 
Well, I just went to visit my sister and little nephew in hospital this afternoon. I was actually dreading it and couldn't stop crying all morning, as I just didn't think I'd be able to handle being around my parents who are so happy and excited - feels like it should be me as I'm the oldest :-( But it actually wasn't that bad. My sister was absolutely exhausted as she's gone three nights without sleep. She said it was so painful she couldn't even talk about it (he was 9lb!) I couldn't stop thinking about a poster I saw in our ivf clinic though that said the one thing that's more painful than having a baby is not having a baby...It always makes me cry when I think about it.
I _am _really happy for her and he's absolutely gorgeous, but that gaping hole in our life is just so painful. Anyway, on that cheery note, I'll leave you all before I have you all crying with me! Really have to snap out of this miserable mood!
x


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## Lolly1985

Lou I think you've done really well and should be proud of yourself. I hope your parents are too as I can only imagine how difficult it must be. Don't fight being down, its natural, and I hope it'll ease given some time. Big :hugs:

Inky, sorry I must have gotten muddled with your FET. Wishing you well for your actual 2ww (nasty thing that it is!)

I am happy to talk on forums now but once treatment starts I have a feeling that I will clam up and hide away from these forums. I know how helpful people are but the comparisons are awful and last time I drove myself insane googling 1dp3dt 2dp3dt 3dp3dt etc etc, over and over again each day. I have vowed that I WILL NOT do that this time, and if I am to discuss the 2ww it will be on here in one of the 3 forums I look at and that's it!!!!!

Phew!!

Love to you all

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## LizzB

Hi Everyone,
I've just spent the afternoon reading through this thread..... we found out 5 days ago that our first crack at IVF/ICSI didn't work.

I'm devastated and really surprised by my reaction. I'm usually a really strong and positive person, we were both convinced it would work (no point in not being) and we're completely flawed by our feelings.

I went to work the day we found out as normal and had a crap day, but then came home early and cried and cried. This has repeated itself virtually every day since. I feel so bad that i've had to take time off work today as i just can't pull myself out of it. The day after it was my birthday, so we went out to try to have fun. Didn't work, still felt miserable. It's hit the husband really hard too, we couldn't believe the test said NOT in front of the word pregnant.

We haven't told anyone what we've been going through either, so we have no one else to talk to.

We have our follow up appointment tomorrow at the clinic, so hopefully we should have some answers, but it appears that everything but the implantation was perfect; 17 eggs, 10 fertilized, 1 blasto went in and 3 blasto's frozen......this is way harder than i expected.

I would really like some advice on how I can pull myself out of this funk.


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## Inky2006

Hi Lizzi

First of all welcome. second of all sorry about the BFN. :hugs:

I don't know whether this is advice, but just reassurance. Back last year I had my first ICSI (due to male factor) with a perfect 1 8 cell. I was pragmatic. Outwardly I said I thought it probably wouldn't work but secretly thought would and hoped. Your right, you have to remain optimistic. Otherwise, what would be the point.

I am also a strong person, but was thrown by the emotions that hit me when i had a BFN. I think all of us on here can relate. I remember my mum being very worried about me because just couldn't get myself out of it. I remember wandering around the supermarket and crying. I must of looked a real mess. It didn't help that everywhere I looked there were new borns. Give yourself some time. Like all of us, you will find the strenghth to carry on.

No one knows why implantation fails. Remember, the stats aren't 100% success. Sometimes despite all the conditions, it just fails. My husband always says that as humans we are badly designed, I think he is right. 

In my case. I think i was slightly overstimmed, my consultant speculated that maybe I had raised oestrogen and this can have a negative impact on the receptiveness of the womb. It could of course be other factors, but I am throwing myself back into FET. 

It could be a number of factors

Remember you still have your frosties, which is very positive. Hopefully once you have met with your FS you will feel better, because you will feel like you are moving forward.

Don't worry about work, it will be there tomorrow. Just take care of yourself and get yourself strong. It is quite natural to feel upset (I have had counselling so I should know.) Remember its all part of the bereavement process, and don't be mistaken, it is like a bereavement.x

Anyway, take care. If you want to talk, you know where we all arexxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## LizzB

Hi Inky, Thanks for the advice, the weirdest thing is that you're ok one minute and then it completely throws you again, huh?

I managed to hold the tears in at the supermarket, but on the bus home from work i was dribbling away at the back - there are babies everywhere!

The annoying thing is I just can't set my mind to anything, I'm normally really organised and productive but the sad feelings are just underpinning everything - I really thought we'd have something really positive to focus on, but it's just the nothingness....

Anyhow, hopefully the appointment at the clinic tomorrow will make me feel better, I think there are so many people on these forums who have gone through much more, but it's hard. Especially as we haven't told anyone, i'm very lucky as my husband is amazing, but it does kind of feel like I want to shout at everyone else for not knowing!
Feels bonkers doesn't it!

x


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## Inky2006

The way you feel is completely understandable. Emotions hit you like waves. Anyway, hope the clinic appt goes okay. Let us all know how you get onxxx


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## Helen76

Hi Lizz,

I'm so sorry you have had to join us here. I think we all understand what you are going through and its still very early days for you so not surprisingly you are feeling raw.

That's good that you have your follow up appointment so soon. Our clinic normally makes you wait 6 weeks, although I got them down to 4 weeks the first time. The sad truth of the matter is that IVF doesn't work a lot of the time hence why they recommend you should have 3 attempts on the NHS. Our clinic said they weren't worried until it had failed 4 or 5 times, I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like! There are lots of success stories on this site though so don't give up!

Allow yourself time to grieve and get plenty of cuddles from your OH.

Thinking of you,
H xx


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## Lolly1985

Hi Lizz

Firstly welcome to the thread and secondly im so sorry you had to join. Everyone on here can totally empathise to the hurt that you are feeling. I know now that you feel like you will not get over it, but trust me, in time you will begin to. Talking will help. Have you considered counselling? Your hospital will provide it. At first I honestly didnt think it was for me but was feeling so low I decided why not try it. It doesnt change anything but I found unloading to a neutral party refreshing. I must say that it was a turning point. There are still many ups and down but these days I dont wallow in my misery so much, although must say some days are easier than others. Only time will heal the hurt. Inky is right when she says that it is a grieving process. I personally think many would not think of it this way but you created something and built all the hopes around that and to find it taken away is crushing. Again like Inky I would not outwardly allow myself to be positive (like a defence mechanism I suppose) But I was secretly so hopeful. I didnt make it to OTD, began bleeding early on and knew it was over before it began. 

Please take some comfort that you have your frosties. That has got to be a positive that you take from this. Realistically its only your first try but I understand that right now you feel like its the end of the world. A girl on here told me when I was down to think of your first cycle as a trial run. She said to me that the first try is a certain amount of guessing as they get to know your body and how it ticks. The next try will be specifically tailored to your responses on the first try. I took some comfort in that.

Dont be afraid to cry, its how we deal with the hurt and become strong again,

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I see you also have a fur baby, it seems we are all cat lovers on here!!


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## LizzB

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all your thoughts it helps to know that you're not alone. I'm nervous this morning as i had the clinic appointment in a couple of hours - silly isn't it?! Hopefully we will find out where we go next and why, how etc. The sun is out and it does make you feel a bit more positive.

Going through this process it's just a series of anxious waits isn't it, you get over one and then there is another round the corner. 
The clinic we are using (we're NHS funded, but it's a private clinic, we get 2 fresh and 2 frozen shots) are amazing, the nurses are really positive and the doctors are great too.
It must be mad when you actually manage to get pregnant - then you have another 9 months to wait. One step at a time.

Lolly - I have 3 fur babies, or monkey babies as I call them - funny how we all seem to be cat people! 

Thanks again for your thoughts, hope you're all ok.

Liz x


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## Inky2006

Hi Lizz

Good luck with your appointment. You are right, you are completely not alone. It was funny whilst going for one of my scans last week, I couldn't help but notice how many patient's notes were piled up. Its an astounding ammount of people this infertility affects. Apparently 1 in 7 have difficulty having children, just annoying that we have to be that 1 in 7. 

Sounds like you have picked a good clinic anyway. Your right, the weather is lovely. I live in kent and the sun is shining. I have even been out the front gardening this morning (or an excuse for it.) My little black cat 'Inky' came out to keep me company. She was absolutely loving the sunshine, rolling around on her back. Little flousy!!

By the way I also have 3 cats. I love dogs too, I hasten to add. I know that Helen has two dogs. Lolly has an adorable kitten, Lou also has a cat. Your cat is also beautiful (looking at the avatar.) So I guess you could say alot of us are animal lovers. I am however, abit cat mad. I have framed cat art, cat mugs, callenders, bags, ornaments and so on. Its just everyone buys me something cat related for birthdays and christmas. Have turned into the mad cat lady. Its funny because, up until a few years ago I was more broody about kittens than babies. even now, if anyone has a picture of their cat on their mobile phone, I positively swoon over it. if they showed me their baby, you wouldn't get the same response. 

Anyway, enough of my maddness. You take care and keep coming back so we know how you got onxxxx


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## LizzB

Hi Ladies,

It's amazing the difference a day makes. I went for my follow up appointment today and feel so much better.
Our doctor said that we had such an excellent cycle that he was so disappointed that it didn't work out, he said we really should be optimistic about the future and that we would nail it. It's just the kind of reassurance I needed, he really seemed to care about it and after jumping through many NHS hoops to get this far and almost fighting doctors along the way, just someone being nice makes you feel there is hope.

Anyhow, the good news is we're getting back on the horse in March, day 21 of my cycle (should be around 25th) with a new fresh ICSI cycle. He's keeping my drugs/protocol the same, but slightly increasing my gonal F as it took a little longer last time for the folicles to grow.
It sounds utterly bonkers but i'm so happy that they said they'll put 2 back in as well. I'm sure twins are hell in the first couple of years, but i'd rather have baby hell than no baby - i'm sure you know what I mean.

I think we're really lucky with our clinic, so I have to be thankful for that massively.

Inky - your cat sounds gorgeous, I think we actually could be related - all my birthday cards had cats (or shoes) on last week, I have cat art too, in fact they run the house and we just happen to live here! They're all rescue cats too, so I spoil them far too much - just off to open the tuna......

Thanks for all your positive thoughts, I hope things are going ok for you all.

x


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## Inky2006

Oh Lizz, glad you feel better. Good that you can start so soonxx


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## Helen76

That's great that you are feeling better Lizz. Fingers crossed your visit to this thread is a short one :)

Yep as Inky says I have dogs not cats (although the rest of my family have cats). I'm also like Inky if I see a dog I go ga ga but less so with babies. Thankfully that's the case or people might suss that I'm TTC.

Was on a course today and the trainer was talking about the fact she had twin boys. She gave me a lift back to the train station and I was very casually trying to find out if it was IVF 'are they identical?', 'are there twins in the family?'. If it was IVF then she wasn't giving anything away!

Loving the new pic Inky, good luck for tomorrow!!!

H xx


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## Lolly1985

Your clinic sounds great Lizz! I'm really glad you are feeling so much better and can't believe you can try again so soon! You doc sounds lovely and just some kind words can really restore your faith!

Inky, I want to wish you all the very best for tomorrow. Good luck girl, I will be thinking of you and update only when you are good and ready.

Hi Helen, hope you are getting on ok. Any progress your tests or are you still waiting?

To let you ladies know I have found out that my second fresh cycle starts 28th Feb, can't believe its finally here. So excited yet terrified!!!

Right on the sunject of mad animals better go and get my Billy out of the garage... threw him in there for a little explore to get him out of the way of my mopping. Plus he kept trying to wee in the plant in my kitchen!!!

Lolly xxxxxxxxx


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## alocin55

Hi ladies, i am new to this. We have been visiting the hospital for the last how many months to begin treatment but we can't due to a number of different things such as not enough follicles etc. The most recent is due to cysts on my ovaries which resulted in me having am MRI which was an ordeal in itself. Anyway, been treated for the cysts with injections for last three months, which haven't even worked. I just want to begin my cycle, has anyone else suffered anything like this? To make matters worse, i am suffering a lot of emotional problems which is having an impact on my marriage - does anyone know what i can do? Is there anyone to talk to?


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## Lolly1985

Hello Alocin

I'm so sorry to hear your story. I think I can relate to some the things you have said. I to have cycts on my ovaries. The present a large endo cyst. Before my 1st ICSI cycle I had to have 3 months of zolodex injections to shrink the 5cm/golfball cyct. I also had an MRI just to be sure that there was nothing more untoward. I know what you mean about having that as an ordeal in itself. I was petrified throughout. Luckily the results were clear. The cyct reduced by half and I luckily was given the go ahead for ICSI but the cycle failed quite early on. After three months I resumed the zolodex and had my final injection yesterday. We have our 2nd cycle commencing 28th Feb.

I understand only too well the strain treatment can put on a relationship. You hospital will offer councilling, It will not be specialist marriage councilling but sure they can help in some way. And if not will be able to point you in the right direction. Do you know your next steps?

I send you all my love,

Lolly xxxxxxxxxx


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## LizzB

Hi Alocin, 

I'm new to this thread too, such a shame we all have to meet in this way..... In just a couple of days I have been made to feel so much better just by tapping away at the keyboard and the lovely girls on here with wise words of support.

This is such an emotional thing to go through, there's the why question always at the back of your mind, everything seems so unjust when you see people popping out kids all over the place, teenagers on TV talking about it like it's the same as having a cup of tea. 

All I can say is seek help from someone, a counsellor or therapist as without your marriage you have no one to share this with - couples counselling would be good to perhaps help your other half understand what you're going through. It's tough.

Happy to help where I can.

Liz x


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## Wallie

Hi Ladies,

I'm sorry I am here but I'm sure you'll know what I'm feeling.

My OH and I have been ttc for years. Eventually got told OH had sperm antiboides and IVF would be the best option for us. We tried 2 x IUI too but with no luck.

So today, one day after EC, we found out that our 6 eggs never fertilized. Three were immature and three did not fertilize. We had conventional IVF even though we assumed we'd need ICSI since OH has these antibodies. The hospital said there was nothing wrong with the sperm and said that there was no reason for ICSI and to do IVF. We talked about it a couple of times actually. I was very pleased that the sperm looked so good and I think OH was especially pleased with himself. So anyway, we have nothing now. No Halloween baby, no time off work this year, nothing. It's so shit....

The embryologist has been great though and he's fixed up an appt for us tomorrow at 9am to see the Consultant. I need to really know when we can try again. We paid for this cycle ourselves but are on the waiting list, so I need to find out where we are on that and decide if we try again ourselves. If it's June for NHS IVF I can wait but if it's longer I think we'll pay again ourselves. 

I must say throughout this whole IVF thing it's the waiting for something to happen that gets me. I've not been as happy in a long time since starting my nasal spray and injections. Now I'm back to the waiting game AGAIN!!

Sorry girls, this is so shit, I never thought this would be the outcome. I thought I'd at least have one embie to put back on Thursday.:cry:


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## Helen76

Wallie, I am so so sorry that you are here :hugs::hugs: I remember you from the November thread and you were so looking forward to this.

It makes me so angry that so many of us have to go through this shit for what should be our right, and that so many kids get taken into care and those that would be great mothers struggle to conceive. It's not fair and its not right.

I wish I could give more comfort but hopefully the result from OH's sperm is a good result. Same happened for us, we got referred due to MF and then both times we've had IVF rather than ICSI. I'm currently waiting (yes know all about the waiting, drives me craaaazzyy!!!) for tests for me. Have you had yourself fully checked out? Might be worth it, especially if you have to wait a few months for NHS.

I'm sending you a boatload of hugs and I'm pleased you get to see your consultant soon. At least that will help you move on. Would recommend seeing the counsellor as well. Most of us on here have benefitted from that.

We are all here for you and thinking of you. So sorry you had to join us.

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi all

Alocin - it seems Lolly has given you some really good advice on the cysts. I think as the others as says counselling is a very good idea. Infertility and all the crap that goes with it is stressful and has an effect on a relationship. It feels like myself and my husband have weathered a storm too. I had counselling, because was very down in myself, and in turn was affected my relationship. You could try relate or somewhere like that for couples counselling.

Hi Wallie - I am so sorry you have to be here, and echo alot of what Helen has said. I still have a strong feeling they should have done ICSI on you. Hopefully, you will get some answers this morning. I know how you feel about the waiting game. I have waited 6 months in between treatments. Its all the build up. Its so hard. anyway, thinking of you.x

Well, today I go in for FET. No phone call from clinic yet, but still plenty of time. I feel sick and obly slept for four hours last night. I hate all this. Anyway, speak soon.

By the way Lolly so pleased for you with your start date at the end of Feb. Its going to go fast! Sounds like little kitty will keep you occupied until then.

Also , Helen, Lizz, Lou hope you are all okay today. xxxx


----------



## LizzB

Hi Ladies,

Wallie, I feel so bad for you.....I never imagined that when I started off on this ridiculous journey a few years ago it would be 2011 and i'm still sitting on the starting blocks. 
You're absolutely right the waiting is the killer, but i'm hoping that after your appointment today you will feel a little better. I had my follow up appointment yesterday following a failed ICSI last week and I feel a whole lot better. It doesn't make the horror and shock of it not working go away but it does help you to plan your next steps.

My waiting feels like a lifetime. We'd been TTC for about 3 years then I went to the hospital over a year ago to find out why we couldn't conceive, they basically threw me out as they said i didn't fit in with the BMI you have to conform to, put me through a couple of tests (HSG, scans and blood tests - DH sperm tests) then screwed up 2 appointments 3 months apart (the one we did manage to have the Doc said - go away for 3 months i'm sure you'll get pregnant.....scientific!?) which meant I had to practically beg my GP to write to them again, in the meantime I lost 3 and a half stone and then turned up for our appointment last September for them to say we've rescheduled it for another 2 months! I cried and demanded they sort in out in a snotty tearful way, so we waited 4 hours and they squeezed us in. It was then they recommended IVF as the only way as the swimmers weren't up to it.

You wait for appointments, wait for conclusions, wait for your period, wait for injections to start, wait for scans, wait for follicles, wait for collection, wait for transfer and then wait..... still in the same situation.

I hope you're ok, try to take some time for yourself and work out what you need. I'm a massively impatient person, and so frustrated by the waiting, but when we're all successful someday we'll look back and say it was worth the wait.

Inky - Fingers crossed for you, take it easy.

Hope you other ladies are ok.

x


----------



## Wallie

Thanks for your very kind words ladies. I had a terrible night and hardly slept, so wasn't in the best of moods to go to the hosptial AGAIN this morning. It's such a pain that drive plus OH and I have to take two cars all the time as we work in different directions to the hospital.

On the way there we were late so I phoned to advise them of this, due to roadworks. The lady on the phone knew who I was when I mentioned the appt with the Consultant and said don't worry one of your eggs fertilised! OMG, I nearly cried with excitement. So after a few hours waiting around they tranfered my one little embie into me. It was 3 cell and by the time they transferred it, it was 4 cell. I am so over the moon I can't tell you. I really can't. At least now we have some hope that this will work and it didn't end with nothing fertilising.

They did say if this doesn't work we'll get a review appt and look at increasing meds and doing ICSI, if there's a next time.

Send me all your dust ladies, I sure need it.

Thank you so much for your replies, I can't believe how this has turned around for me. I wish you all the luck in the world, each and every one of you. :hugs:


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## Inky2006

That is bloody fantastic wallie. xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Wallie

I know, I still can't believe it. Having acupuncture tonight too!


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## angiemon

Thats so great Wallie, it so good to hear stories like that! Hope the 2ww goes by quickly (yeh right!!)

Good luck to you too Inky. When you say your going for FET today, does this mean you are starting or are you actually having the ET?

I haven't been on here for a while, ive tried to keep up with what everyone is doing but alot happens..ive been feeling pretty crappy since Christmas really. We are waiting for a FET too! Yes, waiting that is the hardest part isn't it? We had our follow up appointment on the 19th Jan and were due to start on first day of next cycle which is today (got full flow last night early), but not starting as ive been ill for nearly 3 weeks now(chesty cough, congestion and then a bloody tooth infection) had antibiotics last week but they didn't do anything so i am now on 2 lots from yesterday, one from doctor and one from dentist and am feeling very crap today what with AF too!! Anyway moan moan moan, sorry moan over!
Anyway the FS said i should WAIT (that word again) til next month so that I feel as 100% as I can be. This I know is good advice but again its the waiting thing....its also my dads 70th birthday at the end of the month and were having a big family party so I already had that in the back of my mind to wait til after to start more treatment. IvF just rules everything doesn't it??

Why is it so easy for what seems to be everyone else??


----------



## Wallie

I've got a friend who's ttc and her OH only likes people who have had to try really hard to have a baby :haha: he hates these ones who fall preggers at the drop of a hat. I must admit, I couldn't agree more. We've had to fight for this, so everyone else should too. :haha:

Yeh, waiting and waiting. Even I've now got a 2ww but at least it's the first 2ww ever that I've ever had a chance of success, at the end of it.


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## angiemon

That made me laugh (which is a feat in itself today),:haha: yes sometimes it seems to be far to easy!!

I know the 2ww is hard but like you say its still good to still have hope and obviously your embie has showed lots of heart already :thumbup:

xx


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## Helen76

Good luck Inky and Waliie :wohoo::wohoo:

Let's turn this into a lucky thread!!

H xx


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## Inky2006

Hi Angiomum. Sorry to hear you aren't well. The constant waiting is hard. Sorry to hear about your tooth infection. Just last year, I had an absess and the whole side of my face blew up. Felt like a freak. It also makes you feel quite ill because affects you systemically. Sorry about your cold. Next month will come round quickly. It just feels like there are loads of obstacles. (this I can relate to)

I've been waiting since early september for this, and finally had two embies thawed and put back today. Its been the hardest 6 months ever, having had to wait. So really know how you feel. It won't be much longer.

Wallie - I agree with youf friend's OH!!!

Anyway, speak soonxx


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## angiemon

Hi Inky,

Congratulations on being PUPO, the thawing process is supposed to be the hardest obstacle for FET so yay for you :happydance::happydance:

Thankyou for your kind words on me being ill. It feels like one thing after another!!

Good luck with the 2ww and hope your embies are sticking nicely tonight, I did love the PUPO feeling!!!

Are you doing anything different to last time??

By the way, one of the girls on another thread has just got her BFP from FET.
Yippee!!!!

xx


----------



## Lolly1985

OMG Wallie!!! I was just about to say how sorry I was when I caught up with the thread!!! That is amazing news, that little embie is a true fighter! As requested millions of :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust: and please share with Inky as you both deserve it! We all do. Inky so glad to hear your little ones thawed well. Congratulations!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## angiemon

Hi Inky and Wallie, how are you both doing, hope your taking it easy!! Thinking of you 

xxx

:dust:


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## Wallie

Hey Angiemon, yes doing away fine here. Got a sniffly cold but doing well otherwise. Thanks for asking!


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone

Even though don't quite believe it yet and have a few hurdles to get through still. Thought I would offer you all some hope. I had a BFP today. I have done many tests. This was following the transfer of two Frozen embroyos. Whilst still not out of the woods, the BFP has given me hopex


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## LizzB

Inky,

That is fantastic fantastic, fabulous news! In fact i'm even doing a little bit of crying for you, it's so brilliant!

It's good to know that there is hope, especially after how dreadful it can all make you feel, and how when you're going through it it seems like it will never happen.

Liz xxx


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## Inky2006

Thanks Liz, thats really sweet. I feel like all of us really, that I have been on a real rollercoaster. However, the worrying and stressing does not stop now, just because a positive urine test, still got to wait for official confirmation and more waiting,,to hope and pray it will stick. Not changing signature yet as don't want to tempt fate.

I said to my friend, that I was facing life without children, and couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Next time it will be you, I'm sure!

xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Poohbear82

Hello everyone I hope u wouldnt mind if I join for some support hoping to start round 2 in April but to be honest I'm a bit bothered about starting again as had a really bad time of it xx




Just a bit about me me 28 endo & pcos* DH 31 poor swimmers
ttx 8 yrs 
02 - pcos told to lose weight 
DEC09 lost 4 stone 
SEP10 lost 5 stone 7lb told pcos is borderline* but now have 
endo!!!!!* 
*leeds seacroft* * 
1# ivf 10.09.10 100iu puregon 
6.09.10 cancelled 
2# ivf 10.9.10 
day 8 stimms 300 menpure
day 9 scan 03.11.10
otd 24/12/10 chemical pregnancy bfn
moving to care nottingham for our last go


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## silarose28

Hi everyone

Inky that's such good news ! Congratulations hun ! Xxxxxxxxxx


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## Lolly1985

Inky, Congratulations! I am so chuffed for you! I won't go too gushy as I know it must be a sensitive time, but so far so good and i'm very happy for you! xxxxxxx

Hello Poohbear. A lot of your history sounds similar to me. I aslo have PCOS and Endo. The PCOS is also borderline, its the endo that causes me most trouble. I am lucky as it doesn't give me pain but has a tendency to cause cysts to pop up randomly. My DH also had trouble in the past with SA but lately it has been fine. I'm sorry to hear about your failed cycles. I have only hs one but no frosties so moving to round 2 and actually start in a week. I see you are changing hosps? That sounds like a positive step to me. I wish you tons of luck and baby dust for April and we are here if you want to talk.

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxx


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## Poohbear82

Thanks lolly yes it it a lot like mIne dh sa as also been better as he fert 4 out of 8 with out icsi I find it really funny how it can change between good and bad We also had no snow babys (love that name ) lol. Bet u can't wait to start send lots of luck and baby dust to you xx


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## Wallie

I was here a couple of weeks ago as we were doing IVF no 1 and only got 6 eggs, 3 immature and 3 never fertilised. Although on day 2 when we went to speak to the consultant we have one eggie that did fertilise, so we got that transfered on day 2 on 9th Feb. Well today is 14 days later and :bfn: and spotting has started, so AF's on her way.

I suppose our little embie was just not good enough in the end. It gave us so much hope but in a way I wish it never fertilised, at least I wouldn't be going through all the upset again.

Hopefully we can try again in 4-6 months time through the NHS. I suppose we now have to wait on a follow up appt with the hospital before we know what's happening next though.


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## Lolly1985

Oh Wallie, I'm really sorry. I remember reading about your miracle embie, i'm so sorry it didn't stick. When is your follow up appointment? I know 4-6 months feels an age away. I am about to start round 2 after 6 months of waiting, it feels like forever in one way but in another it has flown. I really feel I needed that time in order to move on. Take some 'you' time, and time really is a healer. We are here for you.

Yeah it is strange Poohbear. When my OH first gave a sample it was low, and since then the had done a further 4 which have improved each time. The last one was the one for ICSI and it was normal. But because it has been low in the past they are continuing with ICSI. Wonder why it fluctuates so much? Prob diet and alcohol intake!! Yes I am excited, but also terrified. I so want this to work, as we all do, it hurts! Wishing you loads of luck for this cycle, here's to all of us girlies trying again!!!

Hello to everyone else!

Much love, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxx


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## angiemon

Thats great news Inky, Congratulations and big hugs :hugs: its so lovely to hear!!! :happydance::happydance:

xx


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## angiemon

Im so sorry Wallie, I thought the little embie would be a real fighter...its so difficult, i found out just before Christmas so that took my mind of it for a bit but it hit me in January. It took a couple of weeks before I was ready to start thinking about trying again. I hope you are okay :hugs:


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## Inky2006

Hi everyone

Poohbear - seems like you have been through alot. I think the fact you had a chemical was obviously very upsetting, but at the same time it shows that little embie tried to implant, and shows it will be successful in the future, so be positive. Alot of people with endo get pregnant everyday. 

Angiomum - thank you, hopefully it gives you hope for when you do a FET.

Lolly - I'm so excited for you. I can feel it in my bones, its your time soon.!

Wallie - I'm sorry i have to see you here. I know how it feels to fail, and its hard. i waited 6 months in between cycles. It did go fast. Hope you can find solace in the fact that we all know what youv'e been through. I think there are alot of things that could improve your cycle. Next time, they could do icsi for a start and secondly, I think you'd have a better chance with 2 back. Thinking of youxx


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## Wallie

Thanks.. yes, if I have two embies, they're definitely both going back in me next time and I'm positive they'll to ICSI as they'll not risk non-fertilisation next time (or near enough)! :hugs:


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## mrs_major

so sorry to hear wallie :-(
my otd tomorrow and i'm pretty sure i'll be joining this thread :-(


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## Wallie

mrs_major said:


> so sorry to hear wallie :-(
> my otd tomorrow and i'm pretty sure i'll be joining this thread :-(

I hope not. FX'd


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## Wallie

Meant to ask before ladies. What have you found "happens next" with treatment. Did you have to wait long for a consultation after your failed cycle and how long are you having to wait before you can try again (for whatever reason).

Thanks.


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## Inky2006

Wallie it varies from clinic to clinic.

It took me two months to get a followup, but that is because it was NHS funded and are notoriously slow. Private followups are usually quite soon. Some clinics ask you to wait three menstrual cycles before attempting next round, because some people's period does not regulate straight away after treatment. I didn't have a period for 43 days after failed AF. I was abit overstimmed though. Some clinics will let you go on the next cycle. It depends on the clinic and your recovery. xxx


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## Poohbear82

Inky I no Hun like u said it's been hard and they is some hope after it trying to become implanted xxx


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## mrs_major

Well as i thought it was bfn this time. 
in answer to your question wallie, i've been given a date for follow up which is 3 weeks away. my lovely nurse at the clinic has already told us our options - either a FET or another fresh cycle as we only have 2 snow babies. 

Apparently I have to wait 2 cycles before we can start any more treatment. Im sure it probably does vary between clinics as well though.

hope you're holding up ok xx


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## Poohbear82

So sorry mrs major take some time to relax before starting again sending hugs as I do no how it feels xxx


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## Lolly1985

Hello Everyone

I'm so sorry to see some new faces on here. I hope that you are holding up ok and having lots of TLC during this difficult time. My clinic wanted to wait 3 months before starting any kind of treatment again to ensure all the IVF drugs were out of my system. But I have learnt that each clinic approach things in a different way. Good luck and baby dust to each and every one of you xxxxx


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## raf-wife

im sorry to hear that mrs major, it looks like im joining too just tested a little while ago and its bfn, otd is monday but im not holding out any hope after the bfn af pains started right on cue, thats me done now too no frosties and we cant do a second cycle its taken yrs just to get to do this one x


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## Lou32

Hi everyone! Phew, I don't know where to start. I don't come on here for a couple of weeks and come back to find Inky with a BFP! That's fantastic news!!! I really really hope everything goes well for you as you deserve it. You must be over the moon!
So sorry so see we have new members though as it's certainly not a thread any of us want to join. 
Wallie - it sounds like you had a real rollercoaster of a cycle. I remember waiting for our fertilisation report and thinking that it had never even occured to me before that we might not get to the 2ww. All I wanted was to get to that and have some hope. When we did and it then failed, it's just the worst feeling ever. So sorry it didn't work out for you. 
Mrs Major, Poohbear and raf-wife - welcome. Again, although it's not a thread anyone wants to join, it really is a huge support to speak to others who are going through the same. 
Poohbear - I notice you were at Seacroft in Leeds. That's where we had our failed cycle in December. What did you think of it? We had no major complaints (apart from the fact they'd only put one embryo back) but we aren't going back for our second go. We're going to Care in Manchester, which I'm feeling really positive about.
Did you say you are going to Care Notts? I've heard great things about Care Notts, but we're going to M'cr as they're trialling the new IMSI technique which is meant to improve chances if you have MF. 
Just a quick update from me - We went to the open night at Care M'cr and I LOVED it there. I was hoping we could start in April, but just found out Friday that there's a 5-week waiting list for an initial consultation so looks like I might have left it a bit late for that, so more WAITING!! I sent off our referral yesterday, so hoping the appt will come through soon. 
Not sure if you remember, but I had to fight to get my tubes checked because the gyno said there was no point as we had MF. He eventually agreed and I've been super nervous about it since. I was meant to have it done last Monday but had to cancel (long story, but I wasn't able to take the antibiotic as I had an appt in London about my other bladder problem and as he needed samples ABs would have messed up the results). So I have another month to wait now!!! I wanted to buy one of the Clearblue digi ovulation thingys, but now I'm worried I'll jinx it if I buy one before my HSG. I never even thought about my tubes over the past year but now I'm convinced they'll be blocked and I can't stop stressing about it. Every single twinge I get I think it's because my tube is blocked. I also keep thinking that, because I had so much bleeding after egg collection (I think it was bleeding from my ovaries as I had so many follicles) the blood might have blocked my tubes. Do you think I'm going mad? I know I probably am, as I know we need ICSI anyway, but I don't think I could bear it if my tubes were blocked too.
Anyway, going to leave you and I'll try check back soon instead of leaving it so long again. 
Inky - keep us posted on how you get on!
xxx

Ps - might have to upload a pic of my Freddie soon as we seem to be the cat loving thread!


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## Lou32

Sorry, just realised I didn't say welcome to Lizz! Can't keep up with you all.Let's hope we get another bfp soon.Inky's is the 2nd so far this year I think?!


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## Poohbear82

Lou32 hi yes we was at Leeds I had a really bad Tom there when I was having my m/c one of the nurse said ho just go home and stop bothering me and if u I was u I wouldn't bother with anymore ttx get on with ur life I could have smacked her in face so I will never go back and we picked Nottingham as we live dead on m1 so it's easier for us


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## Poohbear82

Hijv


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## Poohbear82

So my last message was a mistake whoops lol


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## LizzB

Hi Lou,
The waiting is hideous isn't it?? I've been lucky with my clinic in Hove they are amazing - good luck with your next cycle.
I'm waiting to get my AF this month as it means we can then work out when our day 21 is and jump back on the injecting - my cycle was always a bit erratic, so now i'm stressing incase I have a really long one! Utterly ridiculous that I want it to arrive this month! Pah, drives you nuts doesn't it. 
The waiting will be worth it if we all get what we want though.

Good luck,
Liz x


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## mrs_major

hi poohbear - what awful treatment at Leeds you had... i had my cycle at seacroft as well and i'm most definitely not going back for another round, i also had what i feel was terrible treatment there, so if we go for another cycle we're going to Care @ Manchester. 

hope you have better treatment next time around xxx


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## Poohbear82

Mrs major thanks Hun hope ur next one is the one for u xxx


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## Lou32

So that's 3 of us who went to Seacroft! I thought they were ok, but a typical busy NHS unit with little time for patients really.I was shocked that they don't even ring you to tell you if your spare embies don't make it.Their advice for our 3 spare was to get them to day 5 before freezing,but they said if we didn't hear anything day 5 or 6 they hadn't made it.I didn't think it would've hurt to call us either way.I sat by the phone the whole time & by day 6 just called them as I couldn't take any more.It was bad news but they could've put me out the misery the day before! We are going to Care in Manchester next. We've only been to the open evening so far but it seems sooo much nicer than NHS. Poohbear, I can't believe a nurse said that. i hope you reported her! mrs major, what happened with you at seacroft? Good luck Lizz with ur cycle.The waiting doesn't get easier does it, then when you're about to start you feel like you're not ready! At least that's how I felt! x ps. Xcuse lack of paragraphs but on my fone as dh hogging computer!


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## Poohbear82

Lou I totally agree we said well if they ain't going to make it to day 5 would u atleast put 2 back in why let them die but no they wouldn't change there mind I cried all night knowing that my 2 little embryos would not make it to day 5 and then no bloody phone call it made me really upset I've been to open evening at Nottingham and have my first appointment on the 5th of April not long now


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## Lou32

Poohbear - I noticed on your signature you've lost over 5 stone. That's incredible! How have you done it?


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## Poohbear82

I lot of hard work I did 2 by myself and the other at slimming world but to behonest I had lost more but put 2stone on since Xmas what I'm quite upset about going to have my holiday and start again ho I forgot and gym 5 days a week


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## raf-wife

hi i did the same i went from almost 16st to 8st my pcos became borderline and af became more regular, i went on a low fat diet and regular gym workouts, unfortunatly whilst waiting for ivf the stress and the high dairy etc food i was having to try and help the cycle i have gained almost 3st back in just 12 mths so as soon as i get rid of this horrible af im having now from my failed cycle im going straight back to the gym x


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## Helen76

I'm so sorry to see some new faces. :hugs::hugs:to you all.

H xx


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## Poohbear82

RAF- wife it's hard work isn't it but we have done it once sure we can do it again


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## Lou32

Just wanted to share with you that someone at my work had four failed IVFs at Leeds before going to Care Nottingham and she's now pregnant with twins. If it wasn't for M'cr doing the IMSI, I'd be going there too. 
You have my respect for losing so much weight! 've been trying to do an anti-candida diet for the past 6 months because I've had so much antibiotics with my painful bladder condition (and I'm back on the A/Bs now worst luck) and I've lost a bit of weight on that, but I just replaced the sugar with other things I shouldn't eat. My BMI was on the high side of 27 when I did the last ICSI and I thought it would be great to get it down to under 25 for the next one, but I've been hovering around 25.7 for ages and I just can't shift the last bit. I can't exercise much because of my painful bladder , so it's really hard. Am thinking yoga might be the way forward...


----------



## raf-wife

Poohbear82 said:


> RAF- wife it's hard work isn't it but we have done it once sure we can do it again

it is really tough i think it gets easier once it becomes routine, your right though we know exactly what to do and just need the determination back :hugs:


----------



## Lou32

Hi, just wondered how everyone is doing?? Hop everyone's keeping well and that we might have some more good news soon...
Had a bit of a bad day yesterday, all thanks to a horrible new GP. I went to the docs to ask if they'd do my FSH (Care said I need it doing before our first consultation and they suggested asking at my GP surgery first as they sometimes do it on the NHS which would save me paying, which I thought was nice of them). Anyway, it was a new doc (a registrar, not sure what the difference is) and he reluctantly agreed to do the test but made a point of telling me it would be a hard journey and I might not get a baby at the end of it all! I was so shocked and told him I was trying to remain positive, he said he was just telling me the truth. Honestly, I just got out to the car and burst into tears. I spend every moment of the day trying to tell myself it will happen, even though I'm terrified it might not, so it was a pretty cruel thing to say. What a complete b****rd!


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## raf-wife

what a horrible thing for the doctor to say, i think its important to try and stay positive, one thing i have really noticed during this whole thing is how thoughtless and tactless people can be, even so called friends, i hope you dont have to see that doctor again :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Wallie

Lou32 said:


> Hi, just wondered how everyone is doing?? Hop everyone's keeping well and that we might have some more good news soon...
> Had a bit of a bad day yesterday, all thanks to a horrible new GP. I went to the docs to ask if they'd do my FSH (Care said I need it doing before our first consultation and they suggested asking at my GP surgery first as they sometimes do it on the NHS which would save me paying, which I thought was nice of them). Anyway, it was a new doc (a registrar, not sure what the difference is) and he reluctantly agreed to do the test but made a point of telling me it would be a hard journey and I might not get a baby at the end of it all! I was so shocked and told him I was trying to remain positive, he said he was just telling me the truth. Honestly, I just got out to the car and burst into tears. I spend every moment of the day trying to tell myself it will happen, even though I'm terrified it might not, so it was a pretty cruel thing to say. What a complete b****rd!

Some folk are heartless and that coming from a GP is disgusting. Yeh, he is a total b****d, try not to think about what he said. You've got to keep hoping that it will work....:hugs:


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## Poohbear82

Omg lou what a nxxb don't let him upset u just have pma and it will work for u an all of us one day I'm sure sorry can't put anymore but I'm of to Tenerife in 6 hrs so must get to sleep chin up honey xxxxxxx


----------



## Helen76

Sorry to hear about that Lou. He sounds a right prat.

I think sometimes they deal with these things too much that they lose perspective of us as individuals. My clinic have been fab but the last consultant I saw got a bit short with me as I had lots of questions and I was trying to hedge my bets with trying both naturally and with IVF. The ultimate aim was I want a baby but I felt she thought I was being awkward.

A couple of weeks later I tried to speak to her and she was on leave, it was half term so she was no doubt looking after her kids. I'm not sure it's really possible for them to understand what it's like for us having never gone through it.

Anyway keep your chin up, you have every chance of it working. Go in there with a big belly in a few months and show him how wrong he was!!

H xx


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## psp2011

Wow! What a jerk! :growlmad:As if you don't already know and fear that! Yes, you have to stay positive! I just had a failed IVF and will hopefully be trying FET with my one and only frosty pretty soon. It is so hard getting the :bfn:, and being such an emotional wreck since they just took me off all meds right after! One minute I'm okay, even hopeful, the next I'm :cry:. Infertility really sucks and it truley is only something those who have gone through it can understand. I'm thankful I found this forum. Here's hoping we can all get that coveted :bfp: soon! love to you all!:hugs:


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## angiemon

Just had to say what a t****r, good for you Lou to tell him back that your being postive, hopefully he took that in, stupid git!! My GP said its positivity all the way and shes so right. We will all get there in the end :thumbup:


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## Inky2006

Lou32 said:


> Hi, just wondered how everyone is doing?? Hop everyone's keeping well and that we might have some more good news soon...
> Had a bit of a bad day yesterday, all thanks to a horrible new GP. I went to the docs to ask if they'd do my FSH (Care said I need it doing before our first consultation and they suggested asking at my GP surgery first as they sometimes do it on the NHS which would save me paying, which I thought was nice of them). Anyway, it was a new doc (a registrar, not sure what the difference is) and he reluctantly agreed to do the test but made a point of telling me it would be a hard journey and I might not get a baby at the end of it all! I was so shocked and told him I was trying to remain positive, he said he was just telling me the truth. Honestly, I just got out to the car and burst into tears. I spend every moment of the day trying to tell myself it will happen, even though I'm terrified it might not, so it was a pretty cruel thing to say. What a complete b****rd!


What a complete numbskull that doctor was.. A registrar is someone in training to be a GP, they have to complete so much surgery time and take a few exams before they qualify. He has failed. Funny, I was talking to a young female doctor (you know I am a nurse ) this was about a year ago. I was just telling her about my treatment. She said exactly the same thing and it really upset me. I think he needs to do abit more research. IVF is highly successful. It works for 1 in 3. Over three cycles it is over 75% effective. These figures are all over teh internet. So, take no notice. It works for most people actually. I would like to go and speak to him!!! I know loads of people who have gotten pregnant via IVF. Even my neighbour, at 40 is pregnant via her second round of IVF. He needn't of said that. The question someone put to me was, 'Why wouldn't it work for you'. I had to concede I did not have an answer. Also, you have only had one cycle of IVF. The first cycle rarely works, and they can learn so much from a cycle that has failed. Going to a clinic like Care will also give you a greater chance.

Anyway, I haven't been on here much because I thought it was abit inappropriate but as I started the thread so I like to read how everyone is and know that I haven't just forgotten them. 

I see there are some new members and I am very sad you have to be here. Hope the thread helps youxxxxxxx


----------



## flower18

flower18 said:


> Can I join??? I had IVF/ICSI this past month. A little background about me...I'm 26 (will be 27 in one month) and My hubby is 31.... We have male factor...Anyhow, background on our IVF/ICSI cycle: I had 42 eggs retrieved, 38 went on to fertilize and 16 became blasts. I was told I'd be lucky if we got to do a fresh cycle because I had signs that I over stimulated. He told me the day of my retrieval be prepared to do a frozen transfer! I did a protocol and fought it off (to the amazement of my doctor) We transferred 1 FRESH blast (5-days after) We wanted to transfer 2 but the doctor was against it and said I could still get very sick...so we didn't want to chance it.
> Throughout the whole two week wait, I had cramps on and off, and a few days of light spotting (I thought OMG, this is implantation, it worked).....well I was wrong, today was the results of my beta and I got a BFN I'm devastated and so is my hubby, we've been trying for 2 years (this was our first IVF/ICSI attempt) We do feel lucky though that there are 15 more blasts waiting for us, but I just dont feel hopeful, it this great blast didnt work, what makes the other 15 better? Ya know? Im probably not making sense!
> The pain of a failed cycle is unreal, I now understand the pain of what some of you unfortunate ladies have had to go through when a cycle fails t's like someone took your insides out! How do I mentally prepare myself for a FET... I'm just to distraught but don't want to give up just yet!!!!
> HELP!!!!
> 
> I wishing you ladies all the best in your journeys!



Hi Ladies... I'm back with another :bfn: 
We've recently went through a medicated FET...Transferred two blasts (according to the Dr. they were so good, just missing arms and legs) We were so hopeful, but our dreams got crushed again today! To make it even worse... sooo many of our friends and family are pregnant right now, expecting soon or about to deliver...I don't know how I'm going to face that all summer... We def aren't giving up JUST yet...We want to met with the Doctor and see what he says. This time I'm more mad that sad about it not working...What if it never happens? :cry:
3rd times a charm they say, right?

I'm sorry to see so many other ladies here...life is so unfair to us!


----------



## Wallie

I just can's fathom how the likes of two blasts don't work. It's just not fair. I feel your pain in your writing but yeh, don't give up, you've still got plenty of blasts to try again. :hugs:


----------



## flower18

I know, I never thought it wouldn't take. Going to see the Dr soon...I WANT ANSWERS!!! :(


----------



## angiemon

I wish I had the answers flower. Perhaps an unmedicated cycle might prove better. Im so sorry for you. I hope you get some good answers. How long ago was your fresh cycle? Xx:hugs:


----------



## Wallie

Yeh, Inky had an unmedicated cycle and got her :bfp: Maybe that's something to consider especially if you were doing IVF for MF.


----------



## angiemon

What medication did you use flower? I'm doing a fet at the moment and am taking progynova and then I will start cyclogest nearer et!

I've just posted to you wallow on other thread :haha:

Xx


----------



## angiemon

Sorry I mean wallie-damn predictive text on iPhone xx:wacko:


----------



## Wallie

:rofl:


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## angiemon

Theres nothing like a laugh, is there?:haha:


----------



## psp2011

Flower, I know how you feel. We did a fresh cycle with 3 blasts transferred and none of them took. I too will be trying the FET but only have one blast leftover! I was limited since I only have 1 ovary. It is great that you have so many to work with! I know that the :bfn: is so upsetting that it is so hard to feel positive about the next try because you are so afraid of getting your hopes up and then having it not work. But try to stay positive! You have to give yourself every advantage and thinking positive has to help! Keep us posted!:hugs:


----------



## flower18

angiemom...My fresh cycle was October/November, and my recent FET was February/March. For my FET, I was on BC pills, lupron, Estrace, Progesterone in Oil, and Progesterone suppositories. I haven't heard of those meds that your on... When is your transfer date scheduled? Is there anything different that your doing than you did with your fresh (diet changes, bed rest days, acupuncture, etc)? 

Wallie, I never thought of an unmedicted cycle, I'll mention that to my Dr. and see what he says. They are suppose to call me back tomorrow...

Thanks ladies:hugs:

P.S - I'm NOT looking forward to seeing:witch: after this...I remember after my fresh cycle, I was in so much pain!!! Like the :bfn: isn't enough, right?!


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## Inky2006

flower18 said:


> angiemom...My fresh cycle was October/November, and my recent FET was February/March. For my FET, I was on BC pills, lupron, Estrace, Progesterone in Oil, and Progesterone suppositories. I haven't heard of those meds that your on... When is your transfer date scheduled? Is there anything different that your doing than you did with your fresh (diet changes, bed rest days, acupuncture, etc)?
> 
> Wallie, I never thought of an unmedicted cycle, I'll mention that to my Dr. and see what he says. They are suppose to call me back tomorrow...
> 
> Thanks ladies:hugs:
> 
> P.S - I'm NOT looking forward to seeing:witch: after this...I remember after my fresh cycle, I was in so much pain!!! Like the :bfn: isn't enough, right?!

Hi Flower, as Wallie mentioned I was very lucky to get a BFP with an unmedicated cycle. I think this was the key. The fertility drugs make me feel so ill, I don't think my body agrees with them. You might be alot better with unmedicated.xx


----------



## angiemon

Hi Flower, i agree with Inky. During my fresh cycle with all the drugs, i look back now and think i went a bit doolally :wacko: and I had really high E2 levels and had to take more meds for risk of OHSS but now im doing a cycle with only the progynova (this is to increase the lining and to stop ovulation) and im feeling so much better - no side affects.. I know I havent got as far as ET yet but i am def feeling better so perhaps this is something you could talk to your FS about. Infertility issues really do suck but just looking at different threads, IVF/ICSI def does work, it may just take a few times for some of us. I hope you are feeling a bit better :hugs:

xx


----------



## angiemon

flower18 said:


> angiemom...My fresh cycle was October/November, and my recent FET was February/March. For my FET, I was on BC pills, lupron, Estrace, Progesterone in Oil, and Progesterone suppositories. I haven't heard of those meds that your on... When is your transfer date scheduled? Is there anything different that your doing than you did with your fresh (diet changes, bed rest days, acupuncture, etc)?
> 
> Wallie, I never thought of an unmedicted cycle, I'll mention that to my Dr. and see what he says. They are suppose to call me back tomorrow...
> 
> Thanks ladies:hugs:
> 
> P.S - I'm NOT looking forward to seeing:witch: after this...I remember after my fresh cycle, I was in so much pain!!! Like the :bfn: isn't enough, right?!

Hi again, sorry i didnt answer the other questions...i am waiting for a call this afternoon to see when my ET date will be as ive been for a scan this morning and now the doc has to have a look etc...the only thing im doing diff is im not obsessing as much. Im eating what i normally eat, i even had a small glass of wine when just starting the tablets. Last time i got so obsessed about what i should eat, i dont think i ate enough!! I am drinking plenty of water and some milk, trying to eat veg and fruit but eating more than enough. I dont want to go hungry at all!! I am doing acupuncture which i also did on frsh cycle and i am planning on taking it very easy for a few days after transfer. I just feel so much better without much medication :hugs:


----------



## Lou32

Hi everyone, thanks for all your responses. The starred out swear words made me smile....And Inky - I'm so glad you keep popping in to say hi. It's great to see when one of us gets pregnant. It feels like it will happen to all of us in time, we just have to be patient. I also didn't know that a registrar was a doc in training. My OH has written a letter of complaint, but I asked him not to send it yet as I just want the FSH results back without any hassle, then he can send it!
Anyway, just when I was starting to feel a bit better, I went in for my HSG this morning (I've been pestering the fertility unit for it doing for 18 months but they insisted we went straight to Icsi as it was apparently the sperm with the problem). The test showed one of my tubes is blocked right next to the ovary. I did a bit of googling and it turns out that this can mean a hydrosalpinx, ie. toxic fluid collects there which can kill embryos. This is what I feared right at the start and I can't help but think this could have caused the BFN with our last icsi. I rang the fertility clinic and spoke to a nurse and she just said I have to wait for the gyno to see it and they'll either write to me or call me in to discuss. Thing is, I don't trust them to make the right decision at all. They wouldn't do the HSG 18 months ago because they said the problem was with OH and when they finally gave in, he said he'd organise that but there was no way he'd do a lap and dye as they know the problem's with OH. I just really hope they don't dismiss me with this and that they treat it properly. If it means removing a tube then so be it, if it will improve our chances with icsi. It's all about saving money with them as their budget has been cut. It's just really unfair. Anyway, it seems like a baby really is even more unobtainable now. It looks like we're going to have a longer wait for the second icsi as it takes months for any appointments to come through.
My little sis rang (she's just had her first baby) and she just said maybe I should start looking into adoption. Is is just me, or is it impossible to consider this? I've only had one failed icsi and I just can't give up on having my own. OH is working tonight so I just feel like curling up and crying into my pillow!
When I first joined this site I saw some of the ladies who had a huge list of things wrong and I felt kinda lucky we were only contending with bad swimmers. Now I have a bloody knackered bladder (which I got from too much ttc!) and a toxic tube too! 
Sorry to have to drag the thread down again with another miserable post. Just finding it hard to be positive right now :-(


----------



## Helen76

Hey Lou,

I thought I'd respond because I have a suspected hydrosalpinx too. We were initially referred due to MF and so they didn't test me. It's only following DH's sperm being okay during the two IVF attempts and the fact that it was the Professor who runs the clinic who did one of my scans and spotted the potential hydro that I was able to ask for the lap and dye which they've agreed to. I'm so frustrated because I feel like I might have wasted 2 years TTC and 2 IVF attempts.

The good thing is, from what I have read there are good success rates once the tube has been removed. It took me a while to get my head round the fact that the removal of a tube could actually increase my chances of getting pregnant but its true.

So take it as a positive that they've found it now and stick to your guns and get them to treat you. I can't see why they wouldn't, my clinic were very open about the impact a hydrosalpinx can have on IVF/ICSI success rates, I just wish they tested for this a lot more but as you say it all boils down to money.

If its going to take a while for the next ICSI then it gives you the time to get the hydrosalpinx properly checked out and removed if necessary.

Asking about adoption is the bog standard question for people who don't understand what we are going through. If you get the hydrosalpinx sorted then you have a much better chance of the next ICSI working so don't give up!!!

Thinking of you,
H xx

PS Flower, so sorry to hear your story. Have you been fully tested for everything? Might be worth asking for more tests for you to give you the best chance of getting there. I'm sure you will get there though.

PPS Hi to everyone else xx


----------



## Lou32

Hi Helen - thanks for responding. Was it a regular tv ultrasound scan they spotted it with you? I must have had a million of those scans and no-one has ever seen a problem with me, which makes me wonder if the blockage is causing fluid to fill the tube or not. I posted in the LTTC forum to ask if anyone knows if a blockage always causes a hydro, and how they spot one. Does it have to be a lap and dye?
Also, if they remove a tube do they remove the ovary too? Or does it stay there floating about on its own?! Sorry if this is a stupid question!
You're right though, if losing a tube means a better chance of pregnancy, then so be it. My acupuncturist had one of her tubes removed and she went on to have two kids (and she got pregnant the month after she had the tube removed). I doubt that would happen with us as DH's swimmers are v slow anyway, and if anything seem to be getting worse, but I suppose we all just want the best chance don't we?

I kind of have a theory and I may be way off the mark here, but I'll tell you anyway. I had quite a lot of bleeding from my ovaries (I think) after my egg collection last time as I had so many follicles (i have multi-cystic ovaries) and I also had a bit of bleeding around ovulation the cycle after my failed ivf, which I think was my ovaries still feeling pretty sore and recovering. Do you think it's possible, with this amount of bleeding, that some of it could have got stuck in the tube and blocked it? I can't help but wonder, especially as this past cycle I had a lot of pain around one of my ovaries which I've never had before and I wonder if the blockage is as recent as since my ivf....


----------



## angiemon

Im really sorry Lou, but on the hopeful side, once the problem is dealt with, your next ICSI attempt should be a success. Its crap that it takes so long to find out these things and then another wait to get it sorted. I wish i could wave a magic wand for all of us :hugs: I haven't had anyone mention adoption to be before but I wouldn't like it to be suggested now either...it still feels like we're at the beginning of our journey! Sorry you feel down, i hope we can all pull each other up again when we feel like this. :hugs:

I've had a scan today and im now on the cyclogest (nice!!) and i have my ET booked in for Thurs 24th. Im so excited but very nervous for my frozen embies....please let them thaw safely [-o&lt;[-o&lt;

ps i would love to watch comic relief with a nice glass of wine right now :wine:

xx


----------



## Lou32

Hi angiemon
You've just reminded me Comic Relief is on! Might flick over as Corrie is pretty depressing tonight and it might be welcome relief from googling 'blocked tubes...'
I was reading through Helen's journal and I can't help but think I'm heading for the same agonising wait. 
I know I'm wallowing, but honestly, I don't know what I did to deserve this. Just when you feel like you can't take any more hurt and upset and it just goes up a notch. And to make matters worse I have pretty bad cramps after the HSG this morning. I'm thinking this is probably a bad sign.


----------



## Lou32

Oh, and how lovely to be on the Cyclogest! I remember reading extensive debates on various forums about whether to use the front or back door ;-) That's when you know you need to step away from Google!
Good luck! Fingers and toes are crossed for you! x


----------



## Helen76

Hi,

Sorry got caught up in watching Comic Relief last night. In answer to your quesions Lou, they picked up my potential hydrosalpinx during one of my follicle scans during my second IVF.

They don't remove the ovary and don't ask me how but say they took your right tube out, they have said it is possible that your right ovary could produce an egg but that it would travel to your left fallopian tube! It's beyond me but it's true apparently.

Obviously I'm no medical expert so have no idea if your theory is right, I guess all you can do is ask when you have your appointment.

Hope you're feeling better today and thanks for popping by my journal. Yes the waiting is crappy but less than 3 weeks for me now, woo hoo!

Angiemon the best of luck for ET, let's hope we see some more graduates from this thread soon!

H xx


----------



## angiemon

Lou - Im glad i dragged you away from depressing Corrie, Comic relief was good though although i kept on falling asleep and missing the bits i wanted to see i.e fake that!!
The progesterone is still playing tricks on me. Is it in or is it not :wacko: but if it brings a baby, i would happily put the whole pack up somewhere :haha:

Hi helen-thanks for your kind wishes. How are you? Are you starting again soon? Sorry if you have wrote it in a previous post. I think I followed some of your progress on the october thread, i was just reading then not posting but it is hard to keep up with all you read. When i first came on i read so many threads but i have seen you alot. How are you feeling???

Hi wallie-how you doing?

:hugs:


----------



## Wallie

angiemon said:


> Lou - Im glad i dragged you away from depressing Corrie, Comic relief was good though although i kept on falling asleep and missing the bits i wanted to see i.e fake that!!
> The progesterone is still playing tricks on me. Is it in or is it not :wacko: but if it brings a baby, i would happily put the whole pack up somewhere :haha:
> 
> Hi helen-thanks for your kind wishes. How are you? Are you starting again soon? Sorry if you have wrote it in a previous post. I think I followed some of your progress on the october thread, i was just reading then not posting but it is hard to keep up with all you read. When i first came on i read so many threads but i have seen you alot. How are you feeling???
> 
> Hi wallie-how you doing?
> 
> :hugs:

Hey I'm good. Just chillin this weekend!


----------



## flower18

helenttc said:


> Hey Lou,
> 
> I thought I'd respond because I have a suspected hydrosalpinx too. We were initially referred due to MF and so they didn't test me. It's only following DH's sperm being okay during the two IVF attempts and the fact that it was the Professor who runs the clinic who did one of my scans and spotted the potential hydro that I was able to ask for the lap and dye which they've agreed to. I'm so frustrated because I feel like I might have wasted 2 years TTC and 2 IVF attempts.
> 
> The good thing is, from what I have read there are good success rates once the tube has been removed. It took me a while to get my head round the fact that the removal of a tube could actually increase my chances of getting pregnant but its true.
> 
> So take it as a positive that they've found it now and stick to your guns and get them to treat you. I can't see why they wouldn't, my clinic were very open about the impact a hydrosalpinx can have on IVF/ICSI success rates, I just wish they tested for this a lot more but as you say it all boils down to money.
> 
> If its going to take a while for the next ICSI then it gives you the time to get the hydrosalpinx properly checked out and removed if necessary.
> 
> Asking about adoption is the bog standard question for people who don't understand what we are going through. If you get the hydrosalpinx sorted then you have a much better chance of the next ICSI working so don't give up!!!
> 
> Thinking of you,
> H xx
> 
> PS Flower, so sorry to hear your story. Have you been fully tested for everything? Might be worth asking for more tests for you to give you the best chance of getting there. I'm sure you will get there though.
> 
> PPS Hi to everyone else xx


I was tested but 2 yrs ago (should i be re-tested) I'm going to def ask my dr. to run more tests if need be.... I posted this as a thread about hypothyroidism. 
"I've been reading some stuff online and I'm thinking that might be WHY my fresh ICSI and FET failed! Everything was great (lining, blastocyst quality) I just don't understand why it hasn't worked for me, and now I'm thinking it might my my underactive thyroid. I have been taking synthroid to regulate it and my family doctor says my levels are good, but my FS never mentioned anything about my thyroid or it affecting the outcome, but now I'm thinking otherwise. I don't have my follow-up appt for another 3 wks... I'm going crazy trying to rack my brain of why it didn't work...I'm desperate for answers, and desperate for this to work. Thoughts????"
Soo I've been thinking about this alot and wondering if this might be the reason. It's pretty sad when we have to be our own doctors, ya know!

How have you been doing?


----------



## flower18

Inky..Thanks for the info! I'm def going to look into this! Congrats on your BFP...I wish you a happy and healthy 9 months! :hugs:


----------



## flower18

angiemon said:


> Hi Flower, i agree with Inky. During my fresh cycle with all the drugs, i look back now and think i went a bit doolally :wacko: and I had really high E2 levels and had to take more meds for risk of OHSS but now im doing a cycle with only the progynova (this is to increase the lining and to stop ovulation) and im feeling so much better - no side affects.. I know I havent got as far as ET yet but i am def feeling better so perhaps this is something you could talk to your FS about. Infertility issues really do suck but just looking at different threads, IVF/ICSI def does work, it may just take a few times for some of us. I hope you are feeling a bit better :hugs:
> 
> xx

I def can't wait to talk to my FS, there is so much I want to ask, and so much I want answered! lol
It's just sooo hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel after two failed cycles (especially when everything is "perfect") 
The last couple of days have been so hard, but I'm not done fighting for this yet... I hope we all are blessed in the end! Hope your doing well!


----------



## Helen76

Hi Angiemon, its hard to keep up with everyone's stories isn't it? So many nice people on here going through horrible stuff they shouldn't have to. Anyway, I'm currently awaiting for a lap and dye, they think I have a hydrosalpinx which means I might have to have my left tube removed. I'm hoping that, all being well, I should be able to try naturally for a bit once they've done what they need to. Bizarrely I should have a better chance with one tube following the op.

Wallie - good to hear that you are having a nice weekend :thumbup:

Flower, I know how you are feeling at the moment. With my second IVF I had better quality embryos and the first time I had a chemical pregnancy so I expected to get pregnant again but nothing. The truth of the matter is they just don't know why it works sometimes and not others. They say with all things being equal (i.e. no problems with either partner) a woman only has a 20% chance of conceiving naturally each month so you do sometimes wonder how anyone does manage to get pregnant!

I think you should raise any concerns when you have your follow up but it might just smply be a case of keeping on going. I'm sure you will get there.

Hope everyone else is having a nice weekend.

H xx


----------



## Lou32

Hi Helen - I've been doing a bit of reading up on hydrosalpinx and there seems to be two treatment options; either removal of a tube or clipping it. Did they tell you one was better than the other? 
Flower - you're right that it's sad when we have to be our own doctors. I've been my own doctor for over a year now not only with the infertility but also my painful bladder. No two doctors agree on anything and so you're left with several 'theories' on what could be the problem and you have to go with your gut instinct. One thing I've learned is that doctors are NOT always right and that you absolutely have to question them. They're only human, even though they like to think they're better than the rest of us. Of course there are some doctors who are absolutely fab, but I've only met a couple of them so far. If I were you I'd do the research first as there's bound to have been people in the past in a similar position. What doctors don't understand is that they may have gone to medical school and know all the medical theory, but we're living it and people can often become bigger experts in a particular condition than the doctor cos they've researched it so extensively. They should never dismiss what we have to say, although in my experience they do. Sorry, turned into a bit of a rant about doctors there! Good luck and I hope you get some answers soon. x


----------



## Helen76

Hi Lou, my clinic said that removal was better than clipping.

H xx


----------



## psp2011

flower18 said:


> helenttc said:
> 
> 
> Hey Lou,
> 
> 
> 
> I was tested but 2 yrs ago (should i be re-tested) I'm going to def ask my dr. to run more tests if need be.... I posted this as a thread about hypothyroidism.
> "I've been reading some stuff online and I'm thinking that might be WHY my fresh ICSI and FET failed! Everything was great (lining, blastocyst quality) I just don't understand why it hasn't worked for me, and now I'm thinking it might my my underactive thyroid. I have been taking synthroid to regulate it and my family doctor says my levels are good, but my FS never mentioned anything about my thyroid or it affecting the outcome, but now I'm thinking otherwise. I don't have my follow-up appt for another 3 wks... I'm going crazy trying to rack my brain of why it didn't work...I'm desperate for answers, and desperate for this to work. Thoughts????"
> Soo I've been thinking about this alot and wondering if this might be the reason. It's pretty sad when we have to be our own doctors, ya know!
> 
> Hi! I just wanted to add that I just had a failed ICSI and am considering a FET or another ICSI soon and my new doc just suggested that he check my thyroid levels. I haven't had a thyroid issue in the past but maybe there is something to this? I also have a hydrosalpinx, but am not a candidate for surgery or removal. I only have one ovary and I think it is on that side. He said if it was removed, it could cut off blood supply to the ovary. Also I have a history of abcess and going in is too dangerous. However, according to my chart, I had this hydro back in '02 and was able to get pregnant via ICSI with my son in '03 so he thinks it should work again. Not sure why it failed this last attempt. :cry:Click to expand...


----------



## Lou32

Hi psp2011 - Sorry to hear your icsi didn't work. If it's worked once though, surely it's gonna again? Might just be a case of try and try again until you get there. I know that's probably no consolation right now though as I know how difficult and emotionally draining the whole thing is. If we all had the money I guess we could try and try again, but we don't...I pray for that lottery win every day. Don't know why as praying hasn't worked so far!
Interesting about what your doc said about the hydro. I've been researching like made (there's a whole forum on blocked tubes on one of the other fertility sites which addresses this issue loads) and it seems like most women struggle to come to terms with losing a tube/s at the start and sometimes refuse it, only to decide to have it removed or clipped in the end. I'd also read on there some speculation about the fact removing it can affect the blood supply to the ovary (like your doc said), but then some people said when you clip it some fluid can still leak?! So I just think WTF are we supposed to do then?? Some women are also given Doxycycline in the run up to egg collection as a non-surgical alternative, as it's supposed to make the toxic fluid non-toxic. There doesn't seem to be much research on whether this is as effective though.
And some company in Americal claims to be able to unblock it with massage which, I'm sorry, I may be desperate but I'm not stupid. I just don't believe it. 
Interesting about the thyroid issue. 
I can't help but think that there are so many little things can make a difference which are not routinely tested for and which could, potentially, affect the outcome and give an explanation to so many women when, in reality, they get told it just doesn't work every time. 
So fed up of this waiting, and it's only been four days since I found out about my blocked tube and I'm going crazy wanting to move forward!


----------



## psp2011

Lou32 said:


> Some women are also given Doxycycline in the run up to egg collection as a non-surgical alternative, as it's supposed to make the toxic fluid non-toxic. There doesn't seem to be much research on whether this is as effective though.
> And some company in Americal claims to be able to unblock it with massage which, I'm sorry, I may be desperate but I'm not stupid. I just don't believe it.

Funny you should mention these 2 things! I'm almost positive I was on Doxyxycline for a bit during my last cycle. Could be why? Also I too saw the company that says they can do that massage. (wurn technique I think it said) Well, I asked my doc, just wondering if he had heard of it. He said it's junk and that's all I needed to hear. :dohh: I figured it was too! And if it wasn't, I would hope I would have been offerred it as an alternative way before now! So anyway, I think we are going to try ICSI one more time next month. Financially it is really going to set us back, but I just feel like I gotta give it one more try before I give up. My hubby is so nice about it. (He doesn't want to spend the money and would rather not.) But wants me to be happy so he said one more shot. It's gotta work this time, right????:thumbup:


----------



## Lou32

Sounds like you have a great hubby psp. I try not to think about the money and the fact we're bankrupting ourselves for something everyone else gets for free because, as the end of the day it's not just "something", it's a baby and I'd pay anything. 
Really hope it works for you this time x


----------



## psp2011

Thanks Lou! So what is your next step now? Do you know when you will be doing your next round?


----------



## angiemon

Hi girlies.

Im so sorry that you are going through all these things - IVF is so hard already, it must be awful. Im thinking of you xxx

I know this is a support thread but as ive been speaking to you, i just wanted to let you know that i am now pupo with 2 embies transferred today, cant believe that they only had to thaw 2 of our 4 embies. :hugs:

I do hope you can start soon

xxx


----------



## Wallie

Oh good luck Angela, this is brilliant news. Imagine if they both took...:yipee:


----------



## Poohbear82

Anglea good look honey I hope this 2ww ain't to bad for u sending lots of baby dust xxx


----------



## psp2011

angiemon,
Good luck to you!!! Hope they stick like glue!!
:dust::dust:


----------



## angiemon

Wallie said:


> Oh good luck Angela, this is brilliant news. Imagine if they both took...:yipee:

I know I would love it :happydance: and :wacko: although I know it would be hard work. Well my MIL did say she was thinking of retiring soon and she is still fit and able :haha: The only thing I would really worry about is obviously the complications two may bring in the pregnancy. Im only quite small really but i knew the pros and cons before. Its just that last time we only had one embie put back and i kinda regretted it so hey ho!!!
How are you doing? Hope that didn't come across a'la Joey :haha:


----------



## angiemon

Poohbear82 said:


> Anglea good look honey I hope this 2ww ain't to bad for u sending lots of baby dust xxx

Hi poohbear, thank you for your kind wishes!! Just noticed on your signature that you are going to care in Nottingham. I have heard such good things about them and my friend just had twins before Christmas on her second go at IVF. Her first go which failed wasn't at CAre and then it worked. Good luck honey :kiss:


----------



## angiemon

angiemon said:


> Wallie said:
> 
> 
> Oh good luck Angela, this is brilliant news. Imagine if they both took...:yipee:
> 
> I know I would love it :happydance: and :wacko: although I know it would be hard work. Well my MIL did say she was thinking of retiring soon and she is still fit and able :haha: The only thing I would really worry about is obviously the complications two may bring in the pregnancy. Im only quite small really but i knew the pros and cons before. Its just that last time we only had one embie put back and i kinda regretted it so hey ho!!!
> How are you doing? Hope that didn't come across a'la Joey :haha:Click to expand...

oops perhaps an English Joey !!!!

THink i am losing my mind now!!


----------



## Poohbear82

Thanks Angela I do hope so but no sure now see below 

hi all well i went to see my GP at his request over my immune bloods as i said i didn't no why 
*
so when i got there he said we have found out you are positive for factor 5 leiden which is a clotting problem and thats why the embryo would not stay attached\implanted properly the more Ive read about it the more i no very few women doing ivf do get pregnant and the reason 7 times naturally i have believed i was pregnant and ppl said i was just imagining it i now believe that my chance of becoming pregnant is low even with ivf but i am going to a top pioneering clinic


----------



## angiemon

psp2011 said:


> angiemon,
> Good luck to you!!! Hope they stick like glue!!
> :dust::dust:

Thank you PSP2011, and good luck to you too soon xx:kiss:


----------



## angiemon

Poohbear82 said:


> Thanks Angela I do hope so but no sure now see below
> 
> hi all well i went to see my GP at his request over my immune bloods as i said i didn't no why
> *
> so when i got there he said we have found out you are positive for factor 5 leiden which is a clotting problem and thats why the embryo would not stay attached\implanted properly the more Ive read about it the more i no very few women doing ivf do get pregnant and the reason 7 times naturally i have believed i was pregnant and ppl said i was just imagining it i now believe that my chance of becoming pregnant is low even with ivf but i am going to a top pioneering clinic

Oh im so sorry poohbear, had you written that in a past post i didnt see or have you just found out? Where is the top pioneering clinic and are you going to get an appointment there soon?
xx


----------



## Poohbear82

It's still Nottingham as they r the best for immune in uk as far as I see and still do brill pioneering work with gorge. No I just found out today I'm just shocked and confused I no it can work it's having the extra money and also im high risk for having a stroke well giving birth if I get that far


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## angiemon

Im so sorry, hope you and your dh pull together and once the news is settled in it might be easier to digest. I hope Care can do things for you :hugs:


----------



## Poohbear82

Angela thanks very much it helped me just to talk to u xxx


----------



## angiemon

I think sometimes things feel better when you write them down. When we first found out that my DH had low sperm levels, I thought it was the end of the world! I didnt realise how many other things can go wrong too, but there is always hope :hugs:


----------



## Wallie

angiemon said:


> Wallie said:
> 
> 
> Oh good luck Angela, this is brilliant news. Imagine if they both took...:yipee:
> 
> I know I would love it :happydance: and :wacko: although I know it would be hard work. Well my MIL did say she was thinking of retiring soon and she is still fit and able :haha: The only thing I would really worry about is obviously the complications two may bring in the pregnancy. Im only quite small really but i knew the pros and cons before. Its just that last time we only had one embie put back and i kinda regretted it so hey ho!!!
> How are you doing? Hope that didn't come across a'la Joey :haha:Click to expand...

Nah, that was something I worried about, the choice of putting two back but in the end I only had the option of one. I'd definitely put two back too and I'm only 5ft and worry about the complications too but def. put two back if I have the chance next round.

Good luck, woots, this is exciting!


----------



## psp2011

lol! I must be crazy to agree to put 3 back! :dohh: We've done that 2 times now! FS said 2-3% chance of triplets so I said ok! It raised our chances of getting at least one! I would love twins but triplets...ooh!:wacko:


----------



## Wallie

Poohbear this is sad to read that you've just found out about this clotting disorder today. Do you know what they can do to help? I'm off to read up on it now. There's just so many things that we are still unaware of and it really scares me that we can all have umpteen attempts at IVF and fail and never really know the real reason for it not working. At least you now have something to work on and this will certainly help your next attempt. :hugs:


----------



## Poohbear82

Wallie thanks hun after what I've read they would give me aspirin and clexane from day of et until 8 - 20 weeks pregnant also some stockings week before labour and some other ttx to stop me having a stroke during birth that's if it gets that far and mr dowell thinks it's worth the risk don't get me wrong I want this baby more than anything in the world but dh says he will not risk my life for it


----------



## Wallie

I suppose half the battle though is the knowing you've got this and they will be keeping an eye on it all throughout a pregnancy. Good luck xx


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## Poohbear82

Thanks I do still have my heart set on been a mummy it just seams like they is something new everytime I go but like u said as long as they are awear they shouldn't be a problem well I hope


----------



## flower18

Congrats on being pupo Angiemom:hugs:


----------



## flower18

So my follow up appt is 2 weeks in 3 days away, been counting down. Can't wait to meet with the doctor to see what he says... 
I've been doing some research online, and I was thinking of asking him about assisted hatching...any of you ladies had this done on your embies? 
How are the rest of you ladies doing? Hope your weekend is going well :)


----------



## LUCKY11

I would love to hear any success stories from anyone who has been through a positve ivf cycle and then had a missed miscarraige need some hope to cling onto.it was our 1st ivf cycle i am 40 years old no fertility issues just unexplained!!!


----------



## psp2011

flower18 said:


> So my follow up appt is 2 weeks in 3 days away, been counting down. Can't wait to meet with the doctor to see what he says...
> I've been doing some research online, and I was thinking of asking him about assisted hatching...any of you ladies had this done on your embies?
> How are the rest of you ladies doing? Hope your weekend is going well :)

Flower, our clinic does that on every embryo, guess it give them a better chance? I'm not sure really.:shrug:


----------



## gilkar

Just got one today. Failed ICSI. damn !~ Having a beer now./ Karen


----------



## gilkar

LUCKY11 said:


> I would love to hear any success stories from anyone who has been through a positve ivf cycle and then had a missed miscarraige need some hope to cling onto.it was our 1st ivf cycle i am 40 years old no fertility issues just unexplained!!!


Oh - btw .... I had a successful ICSI previously, I am now 40 years old.

Karen


----------



## gilkar

LUCKY11 said:


> I would love to hear any success stories from anyone who has been through a positve ivf cycle and then had a missed miscarraige need some hope to cling onto.it was our 1st ivf cycle i am 40 years old no fertility issues just unexplained!!!


Just got one today. Failed ICSI. damn !~ Having a beer now./ Karen


----------



## psp2011

gilkar, so sorry you had a failed ICSI! I know how you feel, I had one last cycle in Feb. It is so sad. And I also had a previous successful IVF round in 2002.
I'm relatively new here, can you tell me what is meant by a missed miscarriage?
Hugs to you.


----------



## Lou32

Angiemon - congrats on being pupo (and the fact you still have two left!) Really hoping you get your BFP!
So sorry to hear about yoru news Poohbear. It really is the last thing you need. I understand how you feel - just when you think you have enough problems, it seems like there's another to overcome. But just like everyone's told me with my blocked tube, it's better to know than not know. I'm sure Care Notts will give you the treatment you need.
Lucky and gilcar - sorry you've had to join us. Some of us have graduated from here with their BFPs, so there's hope. Unfortunately some of us are stuck here for a while though as we tread water in limbo land!!
I have TWO docs appts tomorrow. The first with my NHS consultant to discuss the result of my HSG which showed a hydro (hopefully he's going to recommend a lap and dye and get it sorted asap, if not I'm ready for him!!) and the second is our first consultation with Care Manchester. A lot of infertility talk in one day. We've both had to take a day annual leave for it. Here's hoping they're successful appointments and we can get moving out of this endless waiting game!!!


----------



## bugs

Hi LOU32, I'm starting to look into my 3rd IVF/ICSI attempt and was thinking of going with Care in Manchester let me know what you think I was possibly going to do the egg sharing as we're a bit skint after paying for the other 2 goes xxx


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## angiemon

Hi Gilkar, bugs and lucky - again sorry to hear that you have had to join but it is a great thread to help with what you are going through :hugs:

Lou - hope the appointments have gone well today, i can imagine it will be a tireing day so let us know when you feel up to it. :thumbup:

:hugs:


----------



## Lou32

Hi everyone - Well we had our marathon fertility day on Weds and thankfully, wasn't as bad as I was thinking it would be.
Our NHS FS said he doesn't think I have a hydro now, but he admits he doesn't know what's causing the blockage. He said it could have been a spasm (it's common for the tube to spasm by the uterus and it means not enough fluid goes through the tube to push it into the ovary, which means it stops by the ovary showing what looks like a blockage). He said he thinks we'd be fine to go straight to our second ivf, but if I want to know for sure the blockage isn't anything more serious then he'd have to do a lap and dye. I said I would, so I'm now on the waiting list! He estimates it will be July!!! I've asked to be put on the cancellation list, but I'm not holding my breath.
Then, we went to Care Manchester and and saw Mr Sedler. He's v nice and, from my ultrasound done there, he said he doesn't think it's a hydro either and he would also go straight for the ivf. Aaaaargh! I am so confused as to what to do! He also scared me sh**less about the lap and dye, saying 1 in 500 develop complications etc. 
My gut's telling me to have the lap so I'm certain all's well before starting the second icsi, but what if I'm inviting trouble?? I'm so scared something will go wrong with it!
What would you ladies do?
Hi bugs - So far we've been to the Care M'cr open evening and had our first appt and they all seem really nice. I've also rung them several times worrying about my blocked tube and the reception staff are v understanding (v different to the other medical secretaries I've dealt with in the past!) I also rang them to make an appt for my FSH doing and they suggested I try my GP first to try and save money. I thought that was great of them!

Hi Angie- I replied to you on the other thread, but just wanted to say again that my fingers are crossed for you!
x


----------



## psp2011

Lou, I don't know what to tell you about whether or not you should have the lap & dye. But I can tell you my experience. I had a HSG in 2002, showed 2 blocked tubes. Two weeks or so later, I ended up with an abdominal abcess. (My FS now says that is one complication that can happen in a certain percentage of women) Now I have a hydro and my current FS says that the lap & dye is way too risky with my history. If it wasn't, he would want to do it to close off tubes at the nearest end to give IVF best chance of working. But even so, since I got pregnant before, it should work again. My last round failed so one try left!!
Back to your lap & dye question, I would do whatever the FS recommends. But go with your gut!!
Sorry I'm not more help!! Good luck!


----------



## Poohbear82

Hi all hope u had a good weekend 

Lou go with your heart Hun you no what's best for u :) 

Well I go to care tomorrow a bit worried not sure what to think ho well I'll no soon 
Right having to go as meeting a old primary school friend for lunch don't no how it be as haven't seen each other for over 19 years wow but I'm looking foward to it :)


----------



## angiemon

Hi ladies, just a quick one to say that mine was a bfn. Thanks lou for thinking of me and ill be back to check on your posts when I feel a bit better! I'm not sure how to advise you as I don't know anything about these type of tests , we've had mf but I am starting to wonder if I have something wrong too. This is so hard and so shit. Xxx


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## Poohbear82

Angela I'm so so sorry Hun it's so dam hard this isn't it big hugs honey and treat your self good today and don't be too hard on each other xxxx


----------



## Wallie

angiemon said:


> Hi ladies, just a quick one to say that mine was a bfn. Thanks lou for thinking of me and ill be back to check on your posts when I feel a bit better! I'm not sure how to advise you as I don't know anything about these type of tests , we've had mf but I am starting to wonder if I have something wrong too. This is so hard and so shit. Xxx

Ah, thanks for posting, I was just about to post and ask how you were. Really, really sorry about the bfn, it's so shit isn't it. It's very tough and that's me just over 5 weeks now since my bfn and it's only now I'm feeling better.

I've also started to think there is something wrong with me too as we were referred for IVF with MF too. I think that's normal to think that and it may be the case but I've had all the tests they normally do as a matter of course, and they've found nothing. But really there's no rhyme nor reason why it does or doesn't work. It's totally pot luck! :hugs:

take care of yourself.

:hugs:


----------



## Lainey27

angiemon said:


> Hi ladies, just a quick one to say that mine was a bfn. Thanks lou for thinking of me and ill be back to check on your posts when I feel a bit better! I'm not sure how to advise you as I don't know anything about these type of tests , we've had mf but I am starting to wonder if I have something wrong too. This is so hard and so shit. Xxx

Angiemon, i am so, so sorry to hear that. It is so unfair. Please look after yourself and take care of yourself. Thanks for all the support you have given me over the last couple of weeks. Sending you lots of :hugs::hugs::hugs: xxx


----------



## Lou32

So sorry about your bfn Angie. I know you got your last bfn around the same time as me (at Christmas, how nice that was!) so it must be really tough to go through it again so soon after. The others are right, you should take care of yourself and take it easy. xxx


----------



## Helen76

Angie, I am so so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Sending you my love.

H xx


----------



## Poohbear82

Hi all had a great app ken was amazing and very knowable he felt like I had a great chance of getting pregnant and as put our percentage as well over 50% so we are so happy and he also said dh sperm was ok just a bit abnormal but wants to do ivf an not icsi as are fert rate was very good only thing is he said my embryos at Leeds was bad ones and he show us the lab results I was upset with this as Leeds said they was excellent and that was why they would only put one in so he was shocked I didn't no they was bad but all in all I loved the staff we was treated with respect and the privet scan room with it's own toilet and no wait about was unreal we are so pleased we decided to go there xxx


----------



## Lou32

Hi Poohbear, 
That's great you liked Care Notts. I couldn't help but notice how nice Care M'cr was compared to our experiences with NHS in W Yorks. Even the big flat screen telly on the wall so you can see what they're looking at when they do the scan - I've never seen what they are scanning before. It's great to get some positivity isn't it? Sounds like you can really look forward to your next cycle now!
x


----------



## psp2011

angiemon said:


> Hi ladies, just a quick one to say that mine was a bfn. Thanks lou for thinking of me and ill be back to check on your posts when I feel a bit better! I'm not sure how to advise you as I don't know anything about these type of tests , we've had mf but I am starting to wonder if I have something wrong too. This is so hard and so shit. Xxx

so sorry!:hugs: I just got on here to read and post a bit and saw your post. Sending support your way.:hugs:


----------



## Lainey27

Hello, i have just had a bfn following my 1st go at ivf. I was tested at the hospital yesterday - although i knew it was a no as i started bleeding on tuesday. The nurse said they dont know why it didnt work - i responded really well to the drugs, i had good eggs and had 2 grade 1 embies put back - but they just didnt stick. I am just devastated, as is DH. :cry::cry:


----------



## psp2011

Lainey27 said:


> Hello, i have just had a bfn following my 1st go at ivf. I was tested at the hospital yesterday - although i knew it was a no as i started bleeding on tuesday. The nurse said they dont know why it didnt work - i responded really well to the drugs, i had good eggs and had 2 grade 1 embies put back - but they just didnt stick. I am just devastated, as is DH. :cry::cry:

So sorry! Wish you didn't have to join us on this thread. Sending love to you.:hugs:


----------



## Wallie

Lainey27 said:


> Hello, i have just had a bfn following my 1st go at ivf. I was tested at the hospital yesterday - although i knew it was a no as i started bleeding on tuesday. The nurse said they dont know why it didnt work - i responded really well to the drugs, i had good eggs and had 2 grade 1 embies put back - but they just didnt stick. I am just devastated, as is DH. :cry::cry:

I think it's just pot luck, the doctors don't know why it works for some and not for others either yet. It's a mystery still....science is still not perfected it.

It's good that you've got your review appt so soon, mine is next Tuesday and I had my bfn 21st February, so you are lucky you don't have to wait long to speak with someone. 

I think it's good to know in your own mind what's now. It'll be good to get this sorted asap.

Hugs to you Lainey, I know exactly how you feel. Just be sad for a while and just let it all out.

:hugs:


----------



## just1wish

This is a really good idea, we have just had a BFN after our 1st IVF treatment, following 3 x BFN after IUI treatment, and starting to feel a bit poo now :cry: and could really do with a chat to somebody going through the same :hugs:


----------



## psp2011

:hug:


----------



## Helen76

Hey Just1wish. So sorry that you have had to join us here.

I remember feeling like you are now and its the worst but it does get easier to deal with, in time.

This is a really good site because there are lots of people who understand what you are going through. You just have to not be too hard on yourself, try and do anything that makes you feel a bit better.

Once you're feeling up to it, read the thread about the girls who have gone through IVF more than once. There are some success stories on there which will give you hope.

Thinking of you.

H xx


----------



## just1wish

my story, we have been ttc for 3 years now and 1 year ago was referred to Birminghams Womens where I had a number of tested including the dye test they all came back fine and my partner is fine so they have said "unexplained".

We have had 3 iui treatments which were all bfn. :cry:

Last month we started our 1st ivf cycle which went really well with 8 eggs collected 6 which fertilised, then the doctors decided to let them go to the blastocyst stage which 3 made it :happydance: I had the transfer on the 4/4 with 1 grade 4ab blastocyst and the other 2 frozen which have been graded 2aa and 4ba.

However we had a bfn on the 13/04 :cry:

We have noe decided to wait until july to try a fresh cycle of ivf and hopefully add to our frozen ones for future use. :happydance:

Would really love to talk to people who understand, my friends are fab but not sure that they ever will understand the heartache we go through.


----------



## Lainey27

just1wish said:


> my story, we have been ttc for 3 years now and 1 year ago was referred to Birminghams Womens where I had a number of tested including the dye test they all came back fine and my partner is fine so they have said "unexplained".
> 
> We have had 3 iui treatments which were all bfn. :cry:
> 
> Last month we started our 1st ivf cycle which went really well with 8 eggs collected 6 which fertilised, then the doctors decided to let them go to the blastocyst stage which 3 made it :happydance: I had the transfer on the 4/4 with 1 grade 4ab blastocyst and the other 2 frozen which have been graded 2aa and 4ba.
> 
> However we had a bfn on the 13/04 :cry:
> 
> We have noe decided to wait until july to try a fresh cycle of ivf and hopefully add to our frozen ones for future use. :happydance:
> 
> Would really love to talk to people who understand, my friends are fab but not sure that they ever will understand the heartache we go through.

Welcome :flower: - we had our bfn on the same day - 13th was definitely unlucky :cry:. I know exactly how you feel - it is just devastating. I feel the same about my friends too - they are great - but all have managed to have kids - so have no idea how I am feeling. Plus my sister in law is due her 1st baby in 3 weeks, and my best friend is due in August - I am surrounded by pregnancy!! :cry:. Sending you lots of :hugs:


----------



## Lainey27

Wallie said:


> Lainey27 said:
> 
> 
> Hello, i have just had a bfn following my 1st go at ivf. I was tested at the hospital yesterday - although i knew it was a no as i started bleeding on tuesday. The nurse said they dont know why it didnt work - i responded really well to the drugs, i had good eggs and had 2 grade 1 embies put back - but they just didnt stick. I am just devastated, as is DH. :cry::cry:
> 
> I think it's just pot luck, the doctors don't know why it works for some and not for others either yet. It's a mystery still....science is still not perfected it.
> 
> It's good that you've got your review appt so soon, mine is next Tuesday and I had my bfn 21st February, so you are lucky you don't have to wait long to speak with someone.
> 
> I think it's good to know in your own mind what's now. It'll be good to get this sorted asap.
> 
> Hugs to you Lainey, I know exactly how you feel. Just be sad for a while and just let it all out.
> 
> :hugs:Click to expand...

Thanks Wallie - i hope your review appointment goes well :hugs:


----------



## just1wish

Lainey 27, 

Sorry to hear about ur bfn :cry:, it just feels so hard to wanna carry on doesnt it? 

We have decided to wait until july till we try again, so feel it right for us, I cant help but blame myself although I no thats not the case.

Did you have any frozen?

Sending you lots of fairy dust :hugs:


----------



## Lainey27

just1wish said:


> Lainey 27,
> 
> Sorry to hear about ur bfn :cry:, it just feels so hard to wanna carry on doesnt it?
> 
> We have decided to wait until july till we try again, so feel it right for us, I cant help but blame myself although I no thats not the case.
> 
> Did you have any frozen?
> 
> Sending you lots of fairy dust :hugs:

Hi just1wish, unfortunately we didnt have any frozen, so we'll be starting from scratch. I feel the same, i know its not my fault, but still.............

We've got a review appt on 17th May, then having a week in the sun on 29th May, and will probably go for our 2nd go after that. So it will be June or July for us. It's just so scary. 

Wishing you lots of fairy dust too!:hugs:


----------



## Lou32

Hi Lainey and Just1wish. Sorry you had to join us. I really feel like I'm outstaying my welcome here, as we had our BFN end December and we're no closer to our next go! I have a lap and dye booked for 28 June to check there's nothing that will affect the second icsi, but I'm hoping to get it done sooner as my GP so kindly referred me to a private hospital to see a different consultant there on the NHS. Hoping the list will be super short there. 
After I was referred through our NHS fertility unit, the consultant said he would put me on the cancellations list. Sooo, heard nothing and I thought it would be a good idea to check I'm on the cancellations list by calling his secretary. She was a complete COW and said there was no cancellations list as all 'her ladies' had confirmed up to my date. I pointed out that someone might get pregnant or poorly, so wouldn't be a help to her if I could step in and she said no, she would not put me forward for a cancellation. I couldn't believe it. This is why I'm hoping the guy at the private hospital will be better....So sick of it all. Why does everything have to be a battle with hospitals?! I hate medical secretaries!!! They really need to learn to have some compassion.
Anyhoo, then got a text from one of my oldest friends yesterday (she lives other side of the country) telling me she's pregnant. That's now the last of my friends to get pregnant. We are officially the only ones without a baby or a bump. It's just too much to handle. 
Hope everyone's doing ok. x


----------



## Wallie

Lou32 said:


> Hi Lainey and Just1wish. Sorry you had to join us. I really feel like I'm outstaying my welcome here, as we had our BFN end December and we're no closer to our next go! I have a lap and dye booked for 28 June to check there's nothing that will affect the second icsi, but I'm hoping to get it done sooner as my GP so kindly referred me to a private hospital to see a different consultant there on the NHS. Hoping the list will be super short there.
> After I was referred through our NHS fertility unit, the consultant said he would put me on the cancellations list. Sooo, heard nothing and I thought it would be a good idea to check I'm on the cancellations list by calling his secretary. She was a complete COW and said there was no cancellations list as all 'her ladies' had confirmed up to my date. I pointed out that someone might get pregnant or poorly, so wouldn't be a help to her if I could step in and she said no, she would not put me forward for a cancellation. I couldn't believe it. This is why I'm hoping the guy at the private hospital will be better....So sick of it all. Why does everything have to be a battle with hospitals?! I hate medical secretaries!!! They really need to learn to have some compassion.
> Anyhoo, then got a text from one of my oldest friends yesterday (she lives other side of the country) telling me she's pregnant. That's now the last of my friends to get pregnant. We are officially the only ones without a baby or a bump. It's just too much to handle.
> Hope everyone's doing ok. x

I agree the medical profession need to sort themselves out. That's all we do is rely and wait on them for everything when we can't do this ourselves. I'm sick of all the waiting and some staff aren't the nicest are they? :hugs: it just makes it all the more difficult at times...


----------



## Lainey27

Lou32 said:


> Hi Lainey and Just1wish. Sorry you had to join us. I really feel like I'm outstaying my welcome here, as we had our BFN end December and we're no closer to our next go! I have a lap and dye booked for 28 June to check there's nothing that will affect the second icsi, but I'm hoping to get it done sooner as my GP so kindly referred me to a private hospital to see a different consultant there on the NHS. Hoping the list will be super short there.
> After I was referred through our NHS fertility unit, the consultant said he would put me on the cancellations list. Sooo, heard nothing and I thought it would be a good idea to check I'm on the cancellations list by calling his secretary. She was a complete COW and said there was no cancellations list as all 'her ladies' had confirmed up to my date. I pointed out that someone might get pregnant or poorly, so wouldn't be a help to her if I could step in and she said no, she would not put me forward for a cancellation. I couldn't believe it. This is why I'm hoping the guy at the private hospital will be better....So sick of it all. Why does everything have to be a battle with hospitals?! I hate medical secretaries!!! They really need to learn to have some compassion.
> Anyhoo, then got a text from one of my oldest friends yesterday (she lives other side of the country) telling me she's pregnant. That's now the last of my friends to get pregnant. We are officially the only ones without a baby or a bump. It's just too much to handle.
> Hope everyone's doing ok. x

Hi Lou - I know exactly what you mean about medical staff! I will never forget the conversation I had with my (male) gynaecologist who carried out my lap & dye. Him - the operation went well but that is the end of the good news for you. Both your tubes are blocked and you will never conceive a child naturally!!!! He then left to go and ruin someone else's life!! :growlmad: I dont think a day has gone by that i dont think about that conversation. Also - i too am the only one without a bump or a baby :cry:. My sister in law is due in 3 wks and my best friend in August. I love them both - but wish it was me................:cry:


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## Inky2006

Hi, just wanted to say hi, I don't like to come on here too much now but just wanted to catch up with everyone. 

Lou32 - sorry to hear about your run-in with medical secretary. Being a nurse myself, I feel exactly the same, and know you don't get anywhere by not being assertive. I must admit I find doctor's receptionists just the same. (not all are like this though)

Wallie - hope all is well with you, and followup goes well. Not long until next treatment.

Lainey-27 - see you are new. I created this support group, because was so depressed after first failed cycle. From what I gather, IVF is very successful for blocked tubes. My mums friends daughter is now pregnant from second round of IVF and had the same thing. Unfortunately, as I found out IVF doesn't always work the first time, but still a blow as I fully well know.

just1wish - good luck in July.

For anyone new on here, just to say hello. I created this support group, when feeling really really down, and it was a great support for me. Fortunately I am now 12 weeks pregnant with second treatment. Waited six months in between, so know the frustration of waiting. Also, although, am pregnant now and very grateful I'm afraid that resentment about the struggle has never really gone away. Anyway, bye for now. Hope you don't mind my posting!xxxxxxx


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## Wallie

I had my review appt today. IVF was meant to be June but now August since the department is being refurbished. How crap is that!

Anyway, they're to do the same protocol (Long) up my dosage of gonal f from 225 to 300 and possibly stim me for a day or so longer before triggering. They will also do ICSI as there was a problem with fertilisation which points at problems with binding the eggs and sperm. So all good apart from an even longer wait.....

Thanks Inky for posting.


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## Lainey27

Inky - Congratulations!! I am delighted to see your scan of your beautiful baby - and so glad that your second try had a positive outcome! All the best for your pregnancy :hugs:. This support thread has been really great. 

Wallie - well thats good news from your review appt - at least you know they will be doing something different next time. Fingers crossed :hugs:


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## Wallie

Lainey27 said:


> Inky - Congratulations!! I am delighted to see your scan of your beautiful baby - and so glad that your second try had a positive outcome! All the best for your pregnancy :hugs:. This support thread has been really great.
> 
> Wallie - well thats good news from your review appt - at least you know they will be doing something different next time. Fingers crossed :hugs:

Thanks, yes, but I suppose they had too with only getting 3 mature eggs and one fertilizing, a day later than expected...just wish it was June and not August though.

What's your timeframe for a next try Lainey?


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## Lainey27

Hi Wallie, well we have our review appointment on 17th May, and we are going away on a week's holiday to the sun on 29th May - DH thought it would be a good idea to have a wee break before the next go - I have to admit I am really looking forward to it :happydance: - I love the sun! 

So our next go will probably be June / July - the clinic have been really good and said last week it's up to me - whenever I feel ready. But i'd rather do it in the next couple of months rather than leaving it any longer than that. I dont know what my review appt will bring - my nurse said last week they might not change anything next time - i responded really well, had good eggs and had 2 grade 1 embies put back and it didnt work, but up until then it all went well? So it could just be the same for me - i dont know how i feel about that :nope:


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## Poohbear82

Hi all I hope u don't mind me telling you that I got a natural bfp :)


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## Wallie

That sounds like a good idea Lainey with the holiday coming up. That's me now 2 months since my bfn and I am definitely ready to go again now. I'd probably said I could have started again maybe 2 weeks ago, I just felt right about it again. Obviously I'll not be though.

Even though they're not changing anything it certainly doesn't mean it won't work. Honestly it's just pot luck if you ask me.

Where are you heading on holiday. Mine is in 15 days now to Florida for a fortnight. It's 33 degrees there just now. I think I'll fry!

:hugs:


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## Lainey27

Hey Wallie - we're off to Tenerife for a week :happydance:. Our main time off work isnt until the end of August, but after everything last week DH thought we could use a break before trying again. I wasnt too sure last week but now i am glad we've booked and am looking forward to it. Florida sounds fab - have done a lot of travelling but have never been to America - 1 day hopefully! 

I think you are right - it is pot luck. Its hard not to keep analysing everything you've done though - I am kind of at that stage just now. Fingers crossed for us both next time around :hugs:


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## raf-wife

hi ladies im in need of your help, my cycle failed on the 28th feb and ive not had an af since, for about 3 weeks ive been having pink blood streaked cm sorry tmi on and off, do you think this is normal after a failed ivf (never had it before) or should i be getting myself to the gp, i have no pain or anything just the pink cm and only when i wipe sometimes, dh said imagine if one of the embryos had stuck but i think that would have to be an absolute miracle and surely not possible when i used about a dozen tests x


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## Poohbear82

RAF wife I'm sorry about your bfn from my own cycle I had no af for over 10 weeks and the same sort of thing as you if you r worried do go to gp but I wool say it's normal it's your body trying to get rid of meds let us no hun xxx


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## Wallie

Raf, I would have thought you should have had proper AF by now. Maybe a phone call to the clinic would ease your mind as I'm sure the doc will be useless.


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## raf-wife

thank you i was thinking its probably normal after ivf but it helps to hear it x


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## raf-wife

thanks wallie il give it another week and see what happens x


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## psp2011

raf-wife said:


> hi ladies im in need of your help, my cycle failed on the 28th feb and ive not had an af since, for about 3 weeks ive been having pink blood streaked cm sorry tmi on and off, do you think this is normal after a failed ivf (never had it before) or should i be getting myself to the gp, i have no pain or anything just the pink cm and only when i wipe sometimes, dh said imagine if one of the embryos had stuck but i think that would have to be an absolute miracle and surely not possible when i used about a dozen tests x

So although I did have AF soon after my failed IVF, I also had the slight pinkish cm for a bit after the AF. Seems it was at least for the whole week that I ovulated. I've since had another AF and now have spotting, like brown and clear on my pad. Almost like I'm wanting to get AF again but I'm on the pill. I figure it's just the medication but I'm going to ask FS about it when I call on monday just in case. And yep, I did that thinking maybe, just maybe they were wrong at first and it did work. But they had me do a blood preg test before I could start my BC and of course it was neg. Do you have any plans for another go? Just wondering because my FS said if my second AF didn't come by 35 days they would look into it. It was here in 28 like my norm so I didn't have to.:dust:


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## psp2011

Poohbear82 said:


> Hi all I hope u don't mind me telling you that I got a natural bfp :)

Congrats to you! That must have been quite the surprise!!:happydance:


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## Wallie

I haven't been on here for a while about how I am etc, but I'm miserable, so I thought it'd help to get it out.

We had our review appt on Tuesday which was 8 weeks after our failed IVF #1. They'll up my meds next time to get more eggs and do ICSI as there seems to be a binding problem with our eggs and sperm. 

I'd been told twice before that our NHS round would be June 2011 but on Tuesday we were told its going to be August as the unit is being refurbished! I'm totally gutted it's going to be even longer than what I expected.

I seem to have awful PMS since IVF too which doesn't help my mood. I just am so upset and I don't know how to get through this. I wish I could just go to bed and sleep until it's time to start IVF again.


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## Nayla82

Hi Ladies is it Ok if i Join you all, I think its easier to talk to other women that have been through this :hugs:

Some of you may know me, if not a quick introduction about my story it will be 1 Month on Wednesday since my Failed ICSI :cry: I was given 70% success that it will work due to my Age 28 and the quality of the eggs, they placed back two 8 Cells Embryos everyone seemed to be happy and confident that it will work and deep down i was thinking 'this is my time to shine' :cloud9: Got my Blood tests done coming to the end of the 2WW it was 3 HCG they said come back in a few days and has to be at least 10 to be a pregnancy :cry: my heart was about to beat out of my chest waited a few days again repeated the blood test it was 3.7 HCG and 100% no :cry: my world fell right in front of me (we went private it cost so much!) stop taking the drugs and my period came 3 days later.. it was very strong and lasted almost 1 week... :cry:

We wanted to pull ourselves together and not dwell too much and repeat it again this Month, FS said that i was stimming on the lowest of dosage and my Ovaries will be back to its size and ready to start ASAP... we popped in last week she said she will up my stimming a little bit and she will scrape my Uterus maybe it helps to make it stickier? (they scrape the uterus after a failed cycle) she did the scraping and wow took my breath away very painful indeed... once she did the scraping she did an Ultra sound to see the Antral Follicles and to make sure im ready to go.... Than there it was on the screen a HUGE Cyst 5cm, which she said was due to the stimming (never had a cyst before) and we have to give this cycle a miss :cry: Im hoping that it will go naturally by next months cycle so we can start again... [-o&lt;

it just feels one drama after another. My husband was going to book us a short trip to spain, but now he needs a root canal this week, and we just cant afford it... Were scrimping and saving for this cycle, but its a dent in both our accounts :cry: i guess i have to keep going to get those DOUBLE LINES.

Wallie- i know what you mean by waking up and starting it all again, it really does consume our lives.. 

Theres a few of us in this situation and life can be so mean, but im sure we will get there :hugs:


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## Wallie

I had a cyst after first IUI which delayed the next one, it went away with my next AF and we got to try the next month. They are seemingly common but it's shocking when you don't expect it... :hugs:


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## Nayla82

Tell me about it Wallie, when i saw that huge black cloud on the screen i was thinking what now! if you dont mind me asking was yours a big cyst? im a little worried about it mine as its 5cm, and it needs time to go, oh i do hope and pray it goes away [-o&lt;


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## Chris77

Hi ladies :hi:

We have had 5 failed IUI's. Our insurance doesn't cover IVF so we're not sure if we'll ever be able to do it.


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## Wallie

Nayla82 said:


> Tell me about it Wallie, when i saw that huge black cloud on the screen i was thinking what now! if you dont mind me asking was yours a big cyst? im a little worried about it mine as its 5cm, and it needs time to go, oh i do hope and pray it goes away [-o&lt;

I don't know what size it was at all, if she did say, I wasn't listening. The nurse was so matter of fact I was shocked and ended up in tears in the car park for about an hour before I left to get home. It did clear up on it's own though. I've heard of others having cysts too and they just go.... next AF wasn't any heavier or anything but thankfully it did go and I got to do my next IUI. Still didn't work mind...


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## Wallie

Chris77 said:


> Hi ladies :hi:
> 
> We have had 5 failed IUI's. Our insurance doesn't cover IVF so we're not sure if we'll ever be able to do it.

I'm so sorry Chris, I just don't know what to say. What are your options? To pay yourself and that's it?

Since we've done IVF we've found that OH doesn't have antibodies now but we've found we have a binding problem which only ICSI can assist with. It's just one thing after another but at least I have an answer (I hope anyway). What are the docs saying about your situation now. OH's sperm is okay, you ovulate don't you???


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## Nayla82

Hi ladies i hope your all doing well...

Wallie thats good news that they can go within a Cycle :thumbup: I know its only been 1 Month today since my failed ICSI but from Egg collection up until now my boobs have been tender... really really sore and it just gets like that right before a period??? :shrug: and i have just finished...

Did any of you ladies experience tender boobs after the failed IVF?? oh i just feel my body still out of whack :wacko:


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## psp2011

Nayla, my bbs stopped feeling sore as soon as I stopped the meds. Probably it is just going to take some time like you said.
Hang in there hun!:hugs:


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## Nayla82

I just woke up and wiped deep red blood on my tissue?? im so so scared... just made an appointment with my FS after work.... what on earth is this? :cry:


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## psp2011

Nayla82 said:


> I just woke up and wiped deep red blood on my tissue?? im so so scared... just made an appointment with my FS after work.... what on earth is this? :cry:

Maybe it is the cyst? Maybe it's leaving you now! Don't immediately think bad! Might turn out to be a good thing? Dumb question but, it couldn't be AF?:hugs:


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## Nayla82

Is that what happens PSP when the cyst goes?? I came off my period last week,, and i NEVER bleed or have any kind of spotting... just periods thats all..
This is very weird for me 6.30pm can not come fast enough! im sure she will do an Ultra sound and its only been 10days since the last scan and i cant really see the cyst to have gone in that short time?? so i will not upset myself if its still there.... but definitely want to know whats happening :shrug: also i will mention my very sore boobs to her been like this since egg collection... i hope and praying its nothing sinister.


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## psp2011

Nayla82 said:


> Is that what happens PSP when the cyst goes?? I came off my period last week,, and i NEVER bleed or have any kind of spotting... just periods thats all..
> This is very weird for me 6.30pm can not come fast enough! im sure she will do an Ultra sound and its only been 10days since the last scan and i cant really see the cyst to have gone in that short time?? so i will not upset myself if its still there.... but definitely want to know whats happening :shrug: also i will mention my very sore boobs to her been like this since egg collection... i hope and praying its nothing sinister.

I honestly don't know, :nope:sorry, I never had one! I suppose it would make sense if it burst. Sounds bad but as long as you don't have a ton of bleeding, probably it would be good to get it gone! It could be just your hormones still being crazy. (would also explain the sore bbs!) Maybe they can take blood and check your levels to find out what is happening. I don't have any bleeding or spotting normally either (except AF of course!) but I am having brown "old blood" spotting everyday. I asked FS and they said it's just because the BC I am on is low dose and it's breakthrough. 
Let me know how the appt goes, I'll be thinking about you today...:hugs:
PS I just did my Lupron! yay!:thumbup:


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## Chris77

Wallie said:


> Chris77 said:
> 
> 
> Hi ladies :hi:
> 
> We have had 5 failed IUI's. Our insurance doesn't cover IVF so we're not sure if we'll ever be able to do it.
> 
> I'm so sorry Chris, I just don't know what to say. What are your options? To pay yourself and that's it?
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Pretty much yeah. I mean we could put it on our credit card....but $15,000 is an awful lot of credit card debt to be in!! :wacko:Click to expand...


----------



## Chris77

Nayla82 said:


> Is that what happens PSP when the cyst goes?? I came off my period last week,, and i NEVER bleed or have any kind of spotting... just periods thats all..
> This is very weird for me 6.30pm can not come fast enough! im sure she will do an Ultra sound and its only been 10days since the last scan and i cant really see the cyst to have gone in that short time?? so i will not upset myself if its still there.... but definitely want to know whats happening :shrug: also i will mention my very sore boobs to her been like this since egg collection... i hope and praying its nothing sinister.

Awww hun. :hugs: Don't go to the sinister thinking yet. But that's easier said than done as with every ache and pain I have, I automatically think the worst. I'm sure it's nothing serious. :hugs:


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## psp2011

Chris77 said:


> Wallie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Chris77 said:
> 
> 
> Hi ladies :hi:
> 
> We have had 5 failed IUI's. Our insurance doesn't cover IVF so we're not sure if we'll ever be able to do it.
> 
> I'm so sorry Chris, I just don't know what to say. What are your options? To pay yourself and that's it?
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Pretty much yeah. I mean we could put it on our credit card....but $15,000 is an awful lot of credit card debt to be in!! :wacko:Click to expand...
> 
> Wow! Is that how much it is in NY? :wacko:Would your ins pay for medications, ultrasounds, lab work, office visits at all? My ins says it does not pay for anything IVF related, however, when pushed, they have and do pay for all but procedures. Something to look into. :thumbup:I'm able to do a cycle for $8400, some places here are more or less. Some even will give you a portion of your $ back if you don't get preg in a certain number of tries. Yep, still a lot of $ but less than 15! Plus we are able to write off all of the out-of-pocket expenses after a certain dollar figure on our taxes, plus mileage and other non-IVF related medical for the year.:hugs:Click to expand...


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## Chris77

1 IVF cycle at my clinic is $9,800 but that doesn't inlude the meds. The meds would be around another $4,000. I work for a Catholic hospital so I very highly debt that they'd pay for any assisted conceptions no matter how much you push.


----------



## Wallie

Nayla82 said:


> Hi ladies i hope your all doing well...
> 
> Wallie thats good news that they can go within a Cycle :thumbup: I know its only been 1 Month today since my failed ICSI but from Egg collection up until now my boobs have been tender... really really sore and it just gets like that right before a period??? :shrug: and i have just finished...
> 
> Did any of you ladies experience tender boobs after the failed IVF?? oh i just feel my body still out of whack :wacko:

I have been having the opposite, no sore boobs. Weird!


----------



## psp2011

Nayla82 said:


> Is that what happens PSP when the cyst goes?? I came off my period last week,, and i NEVER bleed or have any kind of spotting... just periods thats all..
> This is very weird for me 6.30pm can not come fast enough! im sure she will do an Ultra sound and its only been 10days since the last scan and i cant really see the cyst to have gone in that short time?? so i will not upset myself if its still there.... but definitely want to know whats happening :shrug: also i will mention my very sore boobs to her been like this since egg collection... i hope and praying its nothing sinister.

Nayla, how was the appointment? I've been thinking about you all day!:hugs:



Chris77 said:


> 1 IVF cycle at my clinic is $9,800 but that doesn't inlude the meds. The meds would be around another $4,000. I work for a Catholic hospital so I very highly debt that they'd pay for any assisted conceptions no matter how much you push.

Chris, ugh, that's a stinker! $4,000 -I know it's alot of money, but not a bad quote. My meds would have been close to $10,000! Hmm...the only thing I can think of is maybe you could get into a study? I know a couple that was able to get into a study at their FS. Cut the cost to almost nothing! They had 1 embryo transferred and now have a baby boy! I wish I could offer some other suggestions. We are on our own with procedure cost and have borrowed the money (3 times!) so I know where you are coming from!:hugs:


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## Nayla82

Hi ladies,

Thankfully i slept well last night, We didnt get to see the Dr till gone 7pm! when we did she asked me the colour of the blood and does it hurt etc etc? did an Ultrasound and what was once a 5CM Cyst is now 2.5CM im so so happy i cried in the room! i said to her i was so scared it burst or you were going to tell me its 10CM!! i just thought the worst! (its how i deal with pain is always think of abnormal blood tests and bad scans ) PSP your were correct hun! xx

She said its normal to have blood with a shrinking Cyst and the Uterus lining is shedding.. she told me hopefully the Cyst will be fully gone by CD2 i cant believe it shrunk so much within 8 days! i so hope it will be a clear screen by next scan Than i can give this ICSI another Shot!

This is the happiest i have felt in ages!! (sad as it made sound but it was just nice to hear some good news, i just feel like something bad will come out of that clinic...) not getting to happy as like mentioned ANYTHING is possible with every visit...

Also she touched my boobs and said its normal and its the pills, so all in all feeling much better :) xx

Thank you for all your love xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Lou32

Hi everyone, hope you're all doing well. 
Nayla, what kind of cyst did they say you had? My last ultrasound, which was done over a month ago, picked up on a 2cm cyst around the area of my ovary, which they think is a fimbrial cyst or a corpus luteum cyst. Thing is, I'm pretty sure I've had it about three months now as I've been having a lot of pain on that side since my icsi failed at Christmas. It seems like yours has shrunk pretty quickly. Maybe these cysts are common after ivf because of all the drugs?
We have an appt with a different doc next Tues for a second opinion about having a lap and dye. Just hoping like mad that it will go well and he'll be nice. I really want to find a nice doctor as I'm so disappointed with how things have gone with my clinic I had the ivf with. 
xx

ps- Congrats to Poohbear! This is what we all hope and pray for!


----------



## Lainey27

Nayla, that is great news :happydance: I have been stalking you to see how you have been getting on :haha:

You are doing so well - I hope i can be half as positive when i am giving this a go again in a couple of months. :hugs:


----------



## Nayla82

Hi ladies I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed the Royal Wedding as much as I did :thumbup: its was beautiful xxxx

Lou32- Hi Hun,I really dont know what kind of Cyst it was? :shrug: All the FS told me was that its very very common after failed IVF'S and usually they go away themselves usually between 4-8 weeks... Its due to all the stimulating drugs and didnt want to start or do anything till its gone fully?? She has given me Marvelon Pill and told me that should help it :thumbup: I so hope that you find a Good Dr soon, its very tough not being comfortable where you are? when it 1st failed i was telling my husband we need to find a new dr ASAP! i was getting myself in a pickle! as time passed by i thought she has my notes she will know my body better [-o&lt; I just feel theres a ton of pressure for us to get it right 2nd time round... I so hope it works for us,,, i dont know how long i can keep going and living like this... :nope: Your in my prayers xx

Lainey- Aww thanks Hun, I have my moments... some days i feel like a lion and i get take over the world, than the next second im like a mouse and very frail... Im trying to think Positive, My husband was saying the other day ' say it doesnt work again Hun than what???' sent shivers down my spine... we have to keep going and going....

Baby dust to all xx
:dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


----------



## psp2011

Nayla82 said:


> Hi ladies I hope everyone is doing well and enjoyed the Royal Wedding as much as I did :thumbup: its was beautiful xxxx
> 
> Lou32- Hi Hun,I really dont know what kind of Cyst it was? :shrug: All the FS told me was that its very very common after failed IVF'S and usually they go away themselves usually between 4-8 weeks... Its due to all the stimulating drugs and didnt want to start or do anything till its gone fully?? She has given me Marvelon Pill and told me that should help it :thumbup: I so hope that you find a Good Dr soon, its very tough not being comfortable where you are? when it 1st failed i was telling my husband we need to find a new dr ASAP! i was getting myself in a pickle! as time passed by i thought she has my notes she will know my body better [-o&lt; I just feel theres a ton of pressure for us to get it right 2nd time round... I so hope it works for us,,, i dont know how long i can keep going and living like this... :nope: Your in my prayers xx
> 
> Lainey- Aww thanks Hun, I have my moments... some days i feel like a lion and i get take over the world, than the next second im like a mouse and very frail... Im trying to think Positive, My husband was saying the other day ' say it doesnt work again Hun than what???' sent shivers down my spine... we have to keep going and going....
> 
> Baby dust to all xx
> :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:

Nayla, I know what you mean. We have talked about that too. And since we are lucky enough to have one child already, I have decided that if this doesn't work, we will be done trying. For a variety of reasons, the majority being that there is no $ anywhere to use/beg/borrow! but we all will not have to worry about that! IT'S GONNA WORK THIS TIME!!
:dust:


----------



## Wallie

Yeh, do you think that as it didn't work 1st time we're thinking it will the 2nd time. That's certainly my hope but I can just see if failing too. Jings, I don't know what I'll be like if the 2nd one fails too. I think I'll be suicidal...


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## Lainey27

Wallie, I know exactly what you mean. On one hand I can't wait to get the second go under way, but on the other I am absolutely petrified of doing this again and it not working :nope:. It is so scary. I dont know if anyone else felt like this, but I seemed to be handling the BFN better when we initially found out? But the last few days I have felt really tearful and down, although, AF is due to arrive shortly, so I dont know how much of that is down to PMT :haha:

When is your holiday to Florida?


----------



## Wallie

Oh yeh, I was upset with my BFN and after going back to work the next day it got better for about 2 weeks. After that I was on a downward slippery slope, the realisation that it didn't work, no baby when I should have been due, my whole life changed suddenly and then all the pregnancy announcements nearly killed me. My best friend at work, who knew all about my IVF eventually told me his wife was 11 weeks. I was so angry, devastated and hated him all at once. Then once AF was due again I was so depressed and cried for days before AF appeared. Since then every 4 weeks I've been so depressed and have taken myself off to bed for a few days and I'm miserable.

I so hope that 2nd time is lucky for us, I really don't want to have to go through this a third time, especially when the chances are that'll be my last...


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## psp2011

Wallie said:


> Yeh, do you think that as it didn't work 1st time we're thinking it will the 2nd time. That's certainly my hope but I can just see if failing too. Jings, I don't know what I'll be like if the 2nd one fails too. I think I'll be suicidal...

Exactly! I'm thinking that almost all IVF's work either 1st or 2nd time, so second time's the charm!!
Not even going there, the possibility of it not working!:wacko:


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## Nayla82

Hugs to you all :hugs:

My goodness you ALL sound just like me.. tears streamed down my face reading your fears...in ALL HONESTY im scared to death that it wont work again its crazy... I go bed eventually around 2AM thinking of all the bad stuff that can happen again! :cry: and i read that the 3rd IVF success decreases a little after the 1st and 2nd.. :shrug: to me it sounded like if it doesnt work 2nd time theres a high chance that it just was not meant to be :cry: it makes me tremble... many women will say oh dont worry it will work 2nd time... yet thats what many said on my last cycle... and the worst thing is I KNOW IT DIDNT WORK AND THERES EQUALLY THE SAME CHANCE OF IT NOT WORKING NOW :cry: 

Only now after 1 Month my heart feels a tiny bit soothed, at one point i thought i was going to die of a broken heart, never ever felt this kind of pain before.. :nope: and theres a chance that it all can be starting again in a few weeks and i so so so dont want to go through that hardship again if its a no (but i need to realistic and not kid myself it will work it will work)... :cry: 

Wallie i would never kill myself but i had depressing thoughts in my head and i have reached the lowest of the low 'what do i live for now? what do i look forward for now?' i would curl up in a ball in the corner of my bedroom and cry my heart out... sleep all day.. i looked like death... and as you mentioned friends are telling me that there pregnant left right and centre! this journey is draining to the heart and soul... i just thought having to do IVF in itself is such a hard thing to accept and the Lord will bless me finally! than when it failed i feel like screaming 'GIVE ME A BREAK!' 

I know many many friends and family that have got pregnant had babies... and pregnant again with number 2 while im still painfully fighting to make number 1 :cry: i hate it has to be like this... 

Lainey im also very very emotional over stupid things.. i will be peeling the potatoes and it will be taking forever and i will have tears streaming down my face... i look at my cat and i will start crying... adverts dramas... anything and everything makes me so so tearful... i feel this failed IVF has made me so so weak emotionally i just dont know how i will move forward if its a no.... :nope:

Also i feel for my husband so badly.. he feels so helpless and sad and just has destroyed as I am... he was the one that cried in the clinic i cried on the drive home... I feel so so sorry for him i love him so so much and i know he will excel as a dad.... it was weird he never comments on people and friends having a baby... and recently when he was at work he calls me hes so so down, i was thinking no way hes lost his job... than he says 'you know Gary I was like yes.. he just told me there expecting again in winter life is not fair!! he just had his baby girl recently!!! what the hell is this :cry:' i had to be the strong one and tell him to relax our time will come soon... (when deep down im thinking will it??) i just feel sorry for our men....

Sorry for being so morbid and depressed... but i wish i can be doing cartwheels and have confidence ozzing out of my mouth and ears... I am terrified ladies... i want this so so badly for us all :hugs: I FEEL EVERYONES HEARTACHE... PSP i love your attitude your so strong hopefully once i have started the treatment my confidence will come back again.....

All we want is to be a mom, why does it have to be so so painful :cry:


----------



## Wallie

You're very good at writing stuff down Lainey, it could have been me too although my OH is not so upset as I am. He seems to be taking it more in his stride.

It's good to get it out though and for others to read and that we are all exactly in the same position, so thanks for that. It's just not only me who's emotionally drained just now.

:hugs:


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## Ttcne

May I join?
Newly failed here. This was my 1st IVF cycle. Got 8 eggs, 6 fertilized, 2 blasts on day 5, 2 more to freeze if they made it to blast. Two high quality blast implanted a very traumatic bloody transfer. I spotted and cramped from day 2 onwards in the tww. Was told it was fine but at 6dpdt I went and got a beta done myself that was <1. I knew I was out then but the clinic insisted I do two more days of meds then retest. Result was off course negative :cry: 

Moving forward I am not sure what I want to do. I am very tempted to stop this hurt right here and just start applying for adoption. My dh wants to give it another shot. I refuse to until we have a sit down with the RE about the difficult transfer as this is not normal and talk about a few more things. I think that we will also get a 2nd opinion. I might even try to ask to do a couple of IUI as our insurance covers the whole thing. We shall see. 

What have all of you done to move on or even cheer up???


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## Nayla82

Sorry hun to hear your news :hugs: Cry feel sorry for yourself... thats what i did to get it all out of my system... its looks like you had an excellent number of eggs and fertilisation Hun so thats a good thing :thumbup: I think were both in the same boat its 'implantation' that tripped me up :nope: i also popped in early to get a HCG test 9DP3DT it was 3.0 IU the doctor said go again in 2 days than it was 3.75 and she said it had to be 10 or over... it was teh worst day ever....

I have spent time with my husband trying to live as normal as possible, the DR told me she will scrape the uterus before the next try to make it stickier for the embryos, were hoping to start in the next few weeks :thumbup:

What did you mean when you said a traumatic Transfer? it was a little unconfortable and i could feel my bits locking up :blush: she kept saying relax... :shrug: Please dont give up hun i heard 2nd time the charm xx :hugs:


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## psp2011

Ttcne, you know I am so sorry that your cycle didn't work but glad you came over to this thread, the ladies are great support.:thumbup: I may have told you this, but I think time has been the best thing for me. Mine failed in Feb this year and it took at least a month for me to recover, both physically and mentally. I came back to it, using March and April to get stronger, and now I feel like I'm in such a better place than I was even before I started the last one. Do grieve though. You have to. Were you able to get time off work?
Oh, and I'm with Nayla. Why was the transfer so bad? You really need to check that out. The worst part of it for me was the full bladder!:hug:

Nayla, I just wanted to mention to you that I asked my nurse about the uterine scraping thing, as they didn't include that in my plan for this go-round:nope:. She said they don't do it because it has shown that it can cause scar tissue. I don't want to worry you and I know you have to follow the advice of you FS and they all do things differently. But I had to let you know what mine said about it. Maybe research it some?:shrug:


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## Nayla82

God bless you PSP i will google ASAP! :thumbup: i just feel like a hamster just going with the flow in desperation for a baby :shrug: and sometimes i wonder the harshness of the Uterus scraping last time is that causing all the spotting? it was very harsh and would not be surprised if it caused more damage than good... just the words 'uterus stickier' appealed to me :nope:

i will google now xx


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## psp2011

Nayla82 said:


> God bless you PSP i will google ASAP! :thumbup: i just feel like a hamster just going with the flow in desperation for a baby :shrug: and sometimes i wonder the harshness of the Uterus scraping last time is that causing all the spotting? it was very harsh and would not be surprised if it caused more damage than good... just the words 'uterus stickier' appealed to me :nope:
> 
> i will google now xx

Ha, I liked that too! That's why I asked! What I am going to be doing is being put on some meds to help it stick, including Levonox (blood thinner), Methyl Prednisolone, (steroid) and another one I think. I'm hoping that it helps!
Let me know what you find out!:hugs:


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## Nayla82

Oh PSP your so right why on earth did i not find this out before? :cry: all i can found is many FS will not do it for IVF and it does cause unnecessary scarring in many women, one women had a healthy Uterus and since scraping it has gone bad from worse and 10 years on shes claims it was the scraping that prevented her pregnancy :cry:

I dont want her to damage what is ok in me! why didnt she tell me the bloody pros and cons... i was not even prepared :nope: I was laying down for an Ultrasound the next minute i have a huge medal rod in me twisting and scraping :cry: and it was all gone to waste as after that there was a bloody cyst! I cant stop crying now.... and what i read also that many women are put fully asleep or some pain relief... i was WIDE AWAKE and the pain was bone crushing it hurt so so badly, and i know for a fact only a few women can tolerate that kind of pain... :cry: WHY THE HELL DID I ALLOW IT WITHOUT ASKING??

She wants to do another scraping on CD2 what the hell is this? am i some sort of experiment, it just felt WRONG :cry: i will have a word with her which should be some time next week when my period comes... O h i so hope and pray that this didnt cause me any problems... :cry: as im spotting like hell and what i have read people often spot lightly when a cyst goes... my heart tells me something is wrong and is linked to that scraping.... :cry:

i have just written down the meds that gave you hun, i will mention that, Thank the lord for you lovely women xx

oh lord...


----------



## psp2011

Nayla82 said:


> Oh PSP your so right why on earth did i not find this out before? :cry: all i can found is many FS will not do it for IVF and it does cause unnecessary scarring in many women, one women had a healthy Uterus and since scraping it has gone bad from worst and 10 years on shes claims he was the scraping that prevented her pregnancy :cry:
> 
> I dont want her to damage what is ok in me! why didnt she tell me the bloody pros and cons... i was not even prepared :nope: I was laying down for an Ultrasound the next minute i have a huge medal rod in me twisting and scraping :cry: and it was all gone to waste as after that there was a bloody cyst! I cant stop crying now.... and what i read also that many women are put fully asleep or some pain relief... i was WIDE AWAKE and the pain was bone crushing it hurt so so badly, and i know for a fact only a few women can tolerate that kind of pain... :cry: WHY THE HELL DID I ALLOW IT WITHOUT ASKING??
> 
> She wants to do another scraping on CD2 what the hell is this? am i some sort of experiment, it just felt WRONG :cry: i will have a word with her which should be some time next week when my period comes... O h i so hope and pray that this didnt cause me any problems... :cry: as im spotting like hell and what i have read people often spot lightly when a cyst goes... my heart tells me something is wrong and is linked to that scraping.... :cry:
> 
> i have just written down the meds that gave you hun, i will mention that, Thank the lord for you lovely women xx
> 
> oh lord...

Nayla! oh gosh I'm sorry!:hugs: I didn't mean to get you upset! :nope:Is there any way you can go see another doctor? Or get a second opinion? I knew there was no way they should have done that to you without any pain meds at all!:nope:
I'm going to check with the nurse today if there are any other meds in my pile that have to do with the protocol to help the embies stick. I'll let you know.
Oh, I was thinking...did they put you on any antibiotics to prevent infection for the scraping? before and/or after? If not, it's okay. You would know if you had an infection brewwing. (fever, weakness, "just feeling crappy")
You are not the first one on here to mention scraping. :nope:You should start a thread, I'd be interested to see how many others have had it and what their outcome was. Also if they had bleeding after. Wish I could give you a big hug right now. Chin up, it will be ok.:hug:


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## Nayla82

The lords sends msgs in mysterious ways and im sure your msg is something for me to take in... IM GRATEFUL YOU ASKED HUN 

After the scraping I just had a huge injection in my arm? never heard of antibiotics in an injection form... sounds like your in EXCELLENT hands hun, i just feel like a fool with my legs wide open letting her do as she pleases :cry: Im waiting for my husband to get in... i just have a huge migrane... why didnt i see this before :nope:

NO WAY i will let her scrape me on CD2, i will see what she has to say, im praying for a CLEAR AND HEALTHY UTERUS, if all is clear its a 2nd chance from the lord, if i dont feel at ease i think we will have to go elsewhere... why didnt she even tell me the chances of bad things that could happen??? when it finished i said to my husband that was painful i hope she didnt mess me up... looking back now :cry:

I want CD2 to come ASAP


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## Nayla82

God bless you PSP :hugs: if you can tell me what drugs you will be on to help with implantation, maybe she needs to see what other Doctors are doing... there not poking people with rods... :growlmad:

Godforbid if it doesnt work 2nd time she may say well i scraped your uterus we did our best :shrug: 

i just feel im already weak and scared and very fragile.. and i think im taken for granted :cry: im SURE normal women would say 'hey hey what does it mean what is it for?' i just lay there like a looser :cry: i NEED TO TELL MY HUSBAND EVERYTHING... im scared we have a crazy doctor :nope: dont know what to think no more.


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## psp2011

Nayla82 said:


> The lords sends msgs in mysterious ways and im sure your msg is something for me to take in... IM GRATEFUL YOU ASKED HUN
> 
> After the scraping I just had a huge injection in my arm? never heard of antibiotics in an injection form... sounds like your in EXCELLENT hands hun, i just feel like a fool with my legs wide open letting her do as she pleases :cry: Im waiting for my husband to get in... i just have a huge migrane... why didnt i see this before :nope:
> 
> NO WAY i will let her scrape me on CD2, i will see what she has to say, im praying for a CLEAR AND HEALTHY UTERUS, if all is clear its a 2nd chance from the lord, if i dont feel at ease i think we will have to go elsewhere... why didnt she even tell me the chances of bad things that could happen??? when it finished i said to my husband that was painful i hope she didnt mess me up... looking back now :cry:
> 
> I want CD2 to come ASAP

I bet that was the antibiotics. It also could have been something for pain, but sounds like you would have known and would have felt better. You can get injectable antibiotics. They are usually in the arm or butt, depending on how much fluid is in the syringe.



Nayla82 said:


> God bless you PSP :hugs: if you can tell me what drugs you will be on to help with implantation, maybe she needs to see what other Doctors are doing... there not poking people with rods... :growlmad:
> 
> Godforbid if it doesnt work 2nd time she may say well i scraped your uterus we did our best :shrug:
> 
> i just feel im already weak and scared and very fragile.. and i think im taken for granted :cry: im SURE normal women would say 'hey hey what does it mean what is it for?' i just lay there like a looser :cry: i NEED TO TELL MY HUSBAND EVERYTHING... im scared we have a crazy doctor :nope: dont know what to think no more.

oh, hun! You need to stop being so hard on your self! :hugs:When I went through this my first time in '02, I didn't ask hardly any questions and just did what they said. (and it worked!) I feel a lot more informed now that I am a nurse and have been working as such for almost a year. Of course there is so much I don't know, so I ask a ton of questions. I call plenty and they don't mind.:nope: Remember they are working for you! In fact I called today and asked about needles and then about the meds we talked about. She said it was the 2 I mentioned to you already and also a baby (81mg) aspirin. She said the methyl prednisolone (same as prednisone -steroid) will be taken 2 days before transfer until 2 days after. Then I will take the Lovenox and baby aspirin after that. I asked why didn't they give this to me before, just in case. They said they don't like to give these unless they are sure there is a problem with implantation because of the possible side effects. Your clotting time is increased so if you were in an accident, you could bleed much more and faster etc.
Seriously though, don't be so hard on yourself. You are not suppose to know it all! I think sometimes the medical professionals forget that they need to explain everything and shouldn't just assume the person gets it if they don't ask.
How long till CD2 do you think?:hugs:


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## Ttcne

psp2011 said:


> Nayla82 said:
> 
> 
> God bless you PSP i will google ASAP! :thumbup: i just feel like a hamster just going with the flow in desperation for a baby :shrug: and sometimes i wonder the harshness of the Uterus scraping last time is that causing all the spotting? it was very harsh and would not be surprised if it caused more damage than good... just the words 'uterus stickier' appealed to me :nope:
> 
> i will google now xx
> 
> Ha, I liked that too! That's why I asked! What I am going to be doing is being put on some meds to help it stick, including Levonox (blood thinner), Methyl Prednisolone, (steroid) and another one I think. I'm hoping that it helps!
> Let me know what you find out!:hugs:Click to expand...

I had a traumatic transfer than took almost 20 minutes. Apparently my cervix was difficult to penetrate. Which is odd as they had no trouble doing the sonohystogram 2 months earlier, same doctor, etc. She just told me that my cervix wasn't cooperating. She even had to use a special "clamp" which I assume to be a dilator to be able to thread the catheter. I bled quite a bit. I know cause I looked back as I was getting up. I would say that I had probably a 50cc blood loss which is bizarre. 

I haven't heard from work yet about the leave. It would be nice to hear something. 

I am going to ask for some of the immunology testing as I am sure that I at least have an excess of antithyroid antibody floating around as I have Graves disease (an autoimmune thyroid disorder). 

Anyways my plan is to take leave and spend most of my time making a beautiful garden. I also plan on taking some weekend trips to Montana and Martha's Vineyard. I will drink coffee and alcohol and try to revel in the fact that maybe I have a little time to sit back and enjoy life. I would have much rather been pregnant but I will be a parent some how/way. Anyway will be good and hopefully this is all just a big, giant, sad life lesson.


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## psp2011

oh, that's crazy you had so much trouble with the transfer!:wacko: I had some excess blood loss after the EC, they even had to take me back into the surgery room to see if I was actively bleeding. It was only pooled blood as it turned out. Still pretty messy.
Sounds like you've got a good plan to relax!:thumbup: Martha's Vineyard sounds so nice, I've only heard about it. Montana would be nice too I'm sure.:thumbup:
Hopefully you will get your leave soon so you can get a minute to relax.
Keep us posted on how you're doing hun.:hugs:


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## Quaver

Hi everyone, just got BFN on hpt:cry:
I think my eggs are too old. I'm nearly 40:cry:


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## Ttcne

Quaver said:


> Hi everyone, just got BFN on hpt:cry:
> I think my eggs are too old. I'm nearly 40:cry:

Oh I am so sorry. It sucks! I don't know what to say to make it better. Just scream something inappropriate (or many things) and have a good cry. I found that helpful. 
:hugs:


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## Lou32

Hi everyone. It's been absolutely ages since I've called in to say hi. Hope everyone's doing well. 
I'm booked in for my lap and dye on 10 June and I'm completely terrified. Hopefully we can start the second icsi after that though. Please please please let everything go well!!
So sorry to see more people join this thread though.
Quaver - sorry youg ot a bfn. I remember that feeling and it's absolutely horrible. You should pamper yourself and take care as it's a difficult time. Forty's not the end of the world though. While you're still producing eggs you can still get pregnant!


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## psp2011

Quaver, I'm sorry about your BFN. :cry:I hope you are doing okay. I know how hard it can be. Will you try again?:hugs:


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## Quaver

psp2011 said:


> Quaver, I'm sorry about your BFN. :cry:I hope you are doing okay. I know how hard it can be. Will you try again?:hugs:

Probably:cry: We are looking at traditional Chinese medicine in the mean time.


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## Lainey27

Hi everyone :flower:. Quaver, i'm so sorry - I know how hard a BFN is - having just been through the same thing myself :hugs:. 
We had our review appt at the clinic on Tuesday, just to see what will happen with our next cycle. They are going to keep me on the same drugs & dosage as before. From their point of view, i responded really well, had 12 eggs and half fertilised - and they put 2 grade 1 embies back in - but I just didnt get the BPF. But as he said, no-one yet knows the secret of what makes them stick. I wish i knew - then i could share it with everyone who is as heartbroken as i am going through this process! 
So it's now up to me when i want to try again. On one hand, i dont want to wait to long and am desperate to try again, and on the other hand, absolutely petrified that i end up with another BFN.....


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## MyHeartCries

Hi Ladies

I hope its ok that I join here. It feels comforting being around women who have similar experiences :)

I have just come out of a failed ICSI :( I had 21 eggs collected, 20 injected, 14 fertilised and 1 perfect embie transferred on day 4. Two weeks later (last Thursday) I had my BFN :( I have three snow babies frozen on day 5. I have been TTC for nearly 5 years and am starting to feel like I'm running out of time. I have really high FSH level (10.9) which suggests diminishing egg supplies :( 

My next appointment with the FS is on 23rd June so praying for them to get us moving with a new cycle :) not giving up just yet :)

Sorry for the essay! Xxxxx


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## MyHeartCries

Lainey 27 I forget to say that I'm sending lots of sticky happy vibes your way. My clinic like to think of failed treatment cycles as a lesson on how to do things better the next time. You reacted really well to treatment, so much so that they don't want to change anything! That's great because they're not worried about it not working so fingers crossed for a sticky one next time :) 

Xxx


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## psp2011

MyHeart, sending you hugs! I hope your appt goes well and you get some insight for next round!:hugs:


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## MyHeartCries

Thank You Psp2011 

Is that your little boy in your avatar? He's lovely...you must be a very proud mummy :) Hope ICSI #2 gives him a little brother or sister xxxx


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## Lainey27

myheartcries - thanks so much for your kind words :hugs:. Hopefully i will be better prepared next time - fingers crossed for your next time too. :hugs:


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## psp2011

MyHeartCries, yep, that's my little icsi #1 angel! It really can work, he's proof and why I'm still trying now.


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## chocolatecat

My first ivf - bfp on 6,7,8 days post 5 day transfer, but a beta of only 20 on day 9, which rules out a healthy pregnancy. I'm now waiting for a second beta to confirm (tomorrow) and my period. I'm hugely crampy - should I expect af once I come off progesterone? 
I'd give anything to feeling the tugging pains I had last week as tried to implant. :-(
Sorry for the random post on your thread, but I guess I need to rant and I would ike to know when to expect Af so we can hurry along to the next cycle!


----------



## psp2011

chocolatecat said:


> My first ivf - bfp on 8,9,10 days post 5 day transfer, but a beta of only 20 on day 11, which rules out a healthy pregnancy. I'm now waiting for a second beta to confirm (tomorrow) and my period. I'm hugely crampy - should I expect af once I come off progesterone?
> I'd give anything to feeling the tugging pains I had last week as tried to implant. :-(
> Sorry for the random post on your thread, but I guess I need to rant and I would ike to know when to expect Af so we can hurry along to the next cycle!

So sorry! I did get af quite fast after going off the meds, but some don't get it for awhile so I think it's just individualized. You should be able to start the next cycle pretty quickly, but don't forget to leave yourself time to grieve the failure of this one. I wasn't able to start for a few months after my BFN in feb since I switched FS's and timing was a bit off for appts etc. But turns out it was the best thing. I'm so much better now than before. Good luck! Hope AF comes soon for you!:hugs:


----------



## Ttcne

Hi chocolatecat-
I am so sorry this cycle didn't work. I got my af 3 days after I stopped meds but I was very crampy for days prior to my BFN. So I don't know if that makes a difference or not.


----------



## chocolatecat

Thanks guys. I've been really crampy for days - not very painful, just pains at least once an hour. My bubs don't hurt much any more. 

Going for a beta today to confirm the loss, then I can come off the progesterone and start looking forward (ha ha ha) to AF and my next cycle!

I'm trying to take some positives from this month.
1 - first 2 weeks were fine, no probs with the injections
2 - egg collection was fine - once my family is complete I'm happy to be an egg donor
3 - got a fabulous hatching blastocyst (even have a pic, which now makes me sad)
4 - 2 blasties on ice (not as good quality though) 
5 - FET is funded on NHS, and only have to have 1 cycle off if I look well this month (have 2 cysts)
6 - we can find the £3000 needed for another round of IVF in 4 months if needed (i hope!!)
7 - No spotting!!!! This has always been my worry - that I'd never get PG because I bleed so soon after ovulation. Obviously the progesterone and the 'bro trying to stick has prevented it this month.
8 - my hubby is amazing
9 - I can start roller skating again for a few weeks 

That's a great list of positives right? Sigh. Still feeling blue of course.

hugs to you all


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## chocolatecat

Beta was 17. so game over for this cycle.
BUT we can crack right on with the FET as a natural cycle straight away.
yay! :)


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## Ttcne

chocolatecat said:


> Beta was 17. so game over for this cycle.
> BUT we can crack right on with the FET as a natural cycle straight away.
> yay! :)

I am so sorry. It is nice that you get to get started right away again! I am very jealous. I will probably not get to start for at least another month, or more. 

Roller skating sounds like lots of fun! Where do you roller skate?


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## chocolatecat

I don't feel like I need to pause to grieve - I'd rather stay optimistic and look to the future, and hanging around is only going to frustrate us. So I'm very pleased the FS is happy for us to carry on straight away.

No sign of AF yet - I do hope she hurries up - the cramps are rubbish :*(

I play roller derby - a contact sport on roller skates - not compatible with pregnancy unfortunately. I've missed it heaps and my team mates loads over the last few weeks - it was great to get back on my skates yesterday. Only 2-3 weeks before I need to stop again. I'm running out of excuses!!!


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## Ttcne

Oh I was going to ask if that is what you did but wasn't sure if it was big in the UK or not. I would love to try but I am a very big clutz so every time I threaten to do it my husband freaks. I fell of a curb one time and sprained my ankle so I can hurt myself without even roller skating! I had a patient once who did derby and she was so excited to give birth so that she could do it again. Enjoy your 2 weeks of skating!


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## Sukie76

Hi Inky.

I just failed my first ICSI. My husband has severe teratozoopermia. I am 34, (35 in August). We had only been trying for a few months & I was using a high tech. fertility monitor & noticed I was ovulating super late - like on the 23rd day of my cycle. Also my cycles ocillated between 25 days up to 31 days. So we went to the fertility doctor & he said this was fixable with a pill, but he wanted to run a gauntlet of tests on both of us...and BOOM....DH had Severe Teratozoopermia..So we jumped from trying naturally to maybe we had a problem that could be fixed with a pill, to ICSI as our only option. 

I had to go on the birth control pill for 21 days first and I have gained a LOT of weight on it. (before the pill I had a "good" BMI) Also it made me very grumpy and extremely tired. I thought I had a real shot at a first time go with ICSI. I had 40 follicles (20 in each ovary) and they seemed to be moving along on track. When I woke up from my egg retrieval they had only collected 7 eggs as one of my ovaries was not accessible. Of the seven, 5 were mature, 3 fertilised, 2 were transfered on day 2(a 4 cell and a 5 cell both dubbed "good" but not "excellent"). I had severe cramping for 4 days, and 1 day of bad headaches and then all was mostly normal except for the ambiguous symptoms from the Estrace & Progesterone driving me crazy. 

I have my offical pregnancy blood test tomorrow, but I took 2 early detection preggo tests first thing this AM & both came back concretely negative. 

I just want to schedule a follow up with our doc ASAP. We are at one of the very best clinics, but like most places, you mainly talk to the nurses & care team & only the doc before & after a cycle. I wonder, does he review all the blood tests & ultra sounds each time? Is it really him increasing or decreasing meds after each test? I am probably paranoid. 

Anyway Inky, as far as keeping positive, I have decided to resume my walking regime that I abandoned throughout my first ICSI cycle. Not continuing it was a mistake. I am not going to let these drugs turn me into a complere Umpa Lumpa. I have gained so much weight that the only clothes that fit me are my girlfriend's maternity clothes. I am also going to start hacking away at my to do list, and I may even set some unusual goals, like getting my XMAS shopping done before Halloween this year...I am also going to try to schedule a shared activity with my husband once a week. 

Sorry this is so long.


----------



## chocolatecat

Hey Sukie - fingers crossed for you tomorrow. I agree with your plan of staying active. 
as I put above, I had to stop doing the sport I love during IVF, and one of the few positives of it not working was getting back on my skates. I've also got a theme park trip planned. We have to take the positives when we can! 

Ttcne - I'm also a terrible clutz - with no spatial awareness and a constant stream of bruises, but that just makes me a slow learner when it comes to skating. I'm sure I'll get there eventually. And it really is amazing fun and such a life changing activity. Even hubby is now involved. But it really isn't something I can keep doing once I'm PG. I dont' want to risk a fall and losing it now. I only started a year ago, and has been one of my 'well if I'm not PG I'm going to make the most of my pre-kids time" activities. Along with trips to Vegas, lots of nights out and spending money on ME! 
Some selfishness helps us get through the tough times I think.

had my first bloods/scan today for the FET cycle. Looking good. Still have a huge endo-cyst, but shouldnt' affect FET. And a few follicles on the go - so I seem to be doing ok.

AF was grim - heavy, but brief at least. I spend the whole weekend at a roller derby bootcamp, so the pain of being knocked about hid the cramps!!


----------



## Ttcne

chocolatecat said:


> Hey Sukie - fingers crossed for you tomorrow. I agree with your plan of staying active.
> as I put above, I had to stop doing the sport I love during IVF, and one of the few positives of it not working was getting back on my skates. I've also got a theme park trip planned. We have to take the positives when we can!
> 
> Ttcne - I'm also a terrible clutz - with no spatial awareness and a constant stream of bruises, but that just makes me a slow learner when it comes to skating. I'm sure I'll get there eventually. And it really is amazing fun and such a life changing activity. Even hubby is now involved. But it really isn't something I can keep doing once I'm PG. I dont' want to risk a fall and losing it now. I only started a year ago, and has been one of my 'well if I'm not PG I'm going to make the most of my pre-kids time" activities. Along with trips to Vegas, lots of nights out and spending money on ME!
> Some selfishness helps us get through the tough times I think.
> 
> had my first bloods/scan today for the FET cycle. Looking good. Still have a huge endo-cyst, but shouldnt' affect FET. And a few follicles on the go - so I seem to be doing ok.
> 
> AF was grim - heavy, but brief at least. I spend the whole weekend at a roller derby bootcamp, so the pain of being knocked about hid the cramps!!

I have been going with the selfish school of thought, too. I figure in a year or two's time that I will regret if I don't live it up now. I am not a big drinker but all I could think about during the 2ww was alcohol and caffeine so I have been having a glass of wine more often and i'm loving it. We also did a nice weekend away. Your amusement park trip sounds like fun. I am trying to get my husband to agree to one of those. That is also something you can' do while pregnant. 

Glad your AF was brief. Mine hung around like an drunk girl at a frat party! 

I really need to try the roller derby. I use to roller skate a ton as a kid and I would love to do something on skates again. Even though the only broken bone I have ever had was a result of roller skating!



> Hi Inky.
> 
> I just failed my first ICSI. My husband has severe teratozoopermia. I am 34, (35 in August). We had only been trying for a few months & I was using a high tech. fertility monitor & noticed I was ovulating super late - like on the 23rd day of my cycle. Also my cycles ocillated between 25 days up to 31 days. So we went to the fertility doctor & he said this was fixable with a pill, but he wanted to run a gauntlet of tests on both of us...and BOOM....DH had Severe Teratozoopermia..So we jumped from trying naturally to maybe we had a problem that could be fixed with a pill, to ICSI as our only option.
> 
> I had to go on the birth control pill for 21 days first and I have gained a LOT of weight on it. (before the pill I had a "good" BMI) Also it made me very grumpy and extremely tired. I thought I had a real shot at a first time go with ICSI. I had 40 follicles (20 in each ovary) and they seemed to be moving along on track. When I woke up from my egg retrieval they had only collected 7 eggs as one of my ovaries was not accessible. Of the seven, 5 were mature, 3 fertilised, 2 were transfered on day 2(a 4 cell and a 5 cell both dubbed "good" but not "excellent"). I had severe cramping for 4 days, and 1 day of bad headaches and then all was mostly normal except for the ambiguous symptoms from the Estrace & Progesterone driving me crazy.
> 
> I have my offical pregnancy blood test tomorrow, but I took 2 early detection preggo tests first thing this AM & both came back concretely negative.
> 
> I just want to schedule a follow up with our doc ASAP. We are at one of the very best clinics, but like most places, you mainly talk to the nurses & care team & only the doc before & after a cycle. I wonder, does he review all the blood tests & ultra sounds each time? Is it really him increasing or decreasing meds after each test? I am probably paranoid.
> 
> Anyway Inky, as far as keeping positive, I have decided to resume my walking regime that I abandoned throughout my first ICSI cycle. Not continuing it was a mistake. I am not going to let these drugs turn me into a complere Umpa Lumpa. I have gained so much weight that the only clothes that fit me are my girlfriend's maternity clothes. I am also going to start hacking away at my to do list, and I may even set some unusual goals, like getting my XMAS shopping done before Halloween this year...I am also going to try to schedule a shared activity with my husband once a week.
> 
> Sorry this is so long.

Sukie- I'm so sorry. This whole thing just sucks all around. I agree with chocolatecat that the best thing is to stay active during all of this. It has really helped me. You sound like you have a really well laid out plan! 
I am not trying to over commit just indulge and treat myself good! What has helped me is to do a couple of projects and just enjoy myself. My number one secret is a glass of wine and a good book in the sunshine.


----------



## Quaver

Hi:hi:

Those of you who had BFNs, did your temps return to normal after the 1st AF?
I've posted a new topic, but had no reply:

https://www.babyandbump.com/assisted-conception/632137-high-temps-after-failed-ivf-not-pg.html

Thanks:flower:


----------



## psp2011

Sorry, I did not take my temp so I have no idea. I didn't feel any different in that regard though.


----------



## Quaver

Thanks PSP. Was your cycle normal length after the failed IVF?:flower:


----------



## psp2011

hmm, I think so. But I know that can vary from person to person.


----------



## Quaver

Hope mine will come back soon...:wacko:


----------



## Ttcne

Quaver said:


> Hi:hi:
> 
> Those of you who had BFNs, did your temps return to normal after the 1st AF?
> I've posted a new topic, but had no reply:
> 
> https://www.babyandbump.com/assisted-conception/632137-high-temps-after-failed-ivf-not-pg.html
> 
> Thanks:flower:

I didn't take my temp either but my cycle has been very normal. I am thinking my AF is even going to be here on day 28 which is very normal for me.


----------



## Quaver

Ttcne said:


> I didn't take my temp either but my cycle has been very normal. I am thinking my AF is even going to be here on day 28 which is very normal for me.

Thanks for replying:flower:
I wonder what's happened to my cycles:wacko:


----------



## psp2011

Okay, yep, it's me...AGAIN!!!:growlmad:
I suggest if you offend easily, don't read...
Just a bit of a rant here.

F U IVF!!!!!!!!!
F all the shots in my belly that is so bruised from the lovenox I look like a damn dalmation!
F all the shots in my ass with a fricken 22 gauge 1.5" needle that I did MYSELF!
F U to no alcohol and better yet no caffeine which I have sorely missed on midnight shifts at work.
F falling asleep on my way home because of no caffeine!
F driving 3 hours round trip several times a week!
F having multiple people looking up my who-ha multiple times a week!
F feeling sharp pains when simply trying to get up out of bed, or god forbid cough or sneezing!
F leaving me at least 10 pounds over my pre-IVF weight, which I lost in between 1st failed cycle only to gain it back again on 2nd failed cycle!
F making me pee all the time and making me super hungry and thirsty!
F making me crabby and tired all the time.
F all the pokes for bloodwork.
F all the money down the drain with nothing but a bill to show for it.
F U for failing twice without any reason at all!
And F that damn 2WW!

Sorry, oh, I'm sure there's more but I'm done for now. If anyone has anything to add, please feel free!


----------



## Ttcne

psp2011 said:


> Okay, yep, it's me...AGAIN!!!:growlmad:
> I suggest if you offend easily, don't read...
> Just a bit of a rant here.
> 
> F U IVF!!!!!!!!!
> F all the shots in my belly that is so bruised from the lovenox I look like a damn dalmation!
> F all the shots in my ass with a fricken 22 gauge 1.5" needle that I did MYSELF!
> F U to no alcohol and better yet no caffeine which I have sorely missed on midnight shifts at work.
> F falling asleep on my way home because of no caffeine!
> F driving 3 hours round trip several times a week!
> F having multiple people looking up my who-ha multiple times a week!
> F feeling sharp pains when simply trying to get up out of bed, or god forbid cough or sneezing!
> F leaving me at least 10 pounds over my pre-IVF weight, which I lost in between 1st failed cycle only to gain it back again on 2nd failed cycle!
> F making me pee all the time and making me super hungry and thirsty!
> F making me crabby and tired all the time.
> F all the pokes for bloodwork.
> F all the money down the drain with nothing but a bill to show for it.
> F U for failing twice without any reason at all!
> And F that damn 2WW!
> 
> Sorry, oh, I'm sure there's more but I'm done for now. If anyone has anything to add, please feel free!

No need to be be sorry. This was an eloquent f u to IVF! 


Hope your having yourself some alcohol and caffeine!


----------



## psp2011

thanks! I quite liked it! I'm just so mad right now. This is such crap! I'm failing to see the point of making us do this over and over and still giving us a negative. It's not like we are celebrities that can keep trying and spend unlimited amounts of money to keep going. It's really not fair that if you have the money, you can have kids. At least that's the spot we are in.


----------



## Ttcne

psp2011 said:


> thanks! I quite liked it! I'm just so mad right now. This is such crap! I'm failing to see the point of making us do this over and over and still giving us a negative. It's not like we are celebrities that can keep trying and spend unlimited amounts of money to keep going. It's really not fair that if you have the money, you can have kids. At least that's the spot we are in.

I know. I am so jealous of those who can do this without the financial consequences. It sucks that there is no funding for this in this country and insurance does not have to cover infertility. We spend a fortune on healthcare in this country and don't have a lot to show for it. Oh and if one more celebrity tries to say that their fraternal boy/girl twins was not the result of fertility treatment I am going to go off. Like we are supposed to believe that it was miraculous when the natural rate is almost zero, but with IVF/IUI its like 25%! Whatever Jennifer Lopez.


----------



## psp2011

lol!!!


----------



## chocolatecat

A well deserved rant I think!!!
I'm so still so early in this process, but starting to get frustrated/complacent too!
I'm so very lucky, as my work are great, and the hospital is 10 mins walk away, so I can go in for my appt and not take the time off officially, but those long early morning waits for bloods and scans are getting to me (they dont' make appts - just first come, first served from 8-9.30 onwards)

As suspected I'm ovulating very late, I always thought I did, despite a 28 day cycle. 
I'm day 16 today and my dominant follicle is only 15, so not ready to ovulate yet. So back I go in 2 days. At least they're all getting to know me now! 
I suspect I normally ovulate at cd18-19. And my cycle is normally 25-28 days. I wonder if my short Luetal phase is one of my problems...? 

Anyway, fingers crossed my follicle gets on with things, and that FET is early next week (it's day 5 frostie)

Psp2011 - sorry for your BFN :-( Hugs!


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## Ttcne

chocolatecat-rant on! It feels good to get it out.


----------



## dreamofabean

Hey guys,
Can i join you all? Found out on wednesday that our 1st icsi failed. At the moment i feel remarkably calm over it, is that normal?! I cried like crazy on weds and had a few moments yesterday but today im fine. Kinda worried im just maybe not dealing with it and itll hit me in a few weeks?! xx


----------



## Wallie

dreamofabean said:


> Hey guys,
> Can i join you all? Found out on wednesday that our 1st icsi failed. At the moment i feel remarkably calm over it, is that normal?! I cried like crazy on weds and had a few moments yesterday but today im fine. Kinda worried im just maybe not dealing with it and itll hit me in a few weeks?! xx

After the initial upset of it not working for me I was upset, I hated the day I had to go back to work too. After that I was not too bad. It was about 2 weeks later when it really upset me. We had a ton of pregnancy announcements at work and friends. It was one after the other and it was relentless, it just cracked me up basically. It was horrible.

If you are calm that's brilliant, there's no right or wrong but don't worry that you're calm, it's good :hugs:


----------



## dreamofabean

Thanks wallie. Good luck with this cycle!!
I know I'll probably have a couple of melt downs but at the moment I just feel stubborn that I'm not going to let it beat me! Lol


----------



## psp2011

dream, so sorry to see you on here. It seems like I have good days and bad days. My second day after I was doing great. The next few, not so good. Just deal with it as it comes. Hugs to you.


----------



## dreamofabean

Thanks psp. I think im just numb to it all at the moment. We have our follow up consultation on 5th July and are hoping we can move on asap. They grew on 6 more eggs after i had ET and they didnt grow too well so im hoping something may have showed up with those? Maybe im grasping at straws?!
We have 2 frosties so were hoping to do a FET this summer if poss x


----------



## Ttcne

dreamofabean said:


> Thanks wallie. Good luck with this cycle!!
> I know I'll probably have a couple of melt downs but at the moment I just feel stubborn that I'm not going to let it beat me! Lol

I am sorry. This is just rough. I think what ever emotions you are feeling are normal unless your internalizing it.

I was a wreck from the point I found out aboun the bfn and then for about two weeks. I am a super emotional person though.



Just want to say I wanted to hurt someone this am. Started a new job about 3 weeks ago and when I started about a quarter of the nurses were my age, married with no children. Last week 4 nurses announced they were pregnant. This morning the last childless one announced her pregnancy. She's about 6 weeks and has the u/s framed and everyone talked about pregnancy all morning. As well as the silly "don't drink the water!" and planning their maternity leave, etc. 

Blah! Thankfully no one was tactless enough to ask me about my plans for a family today.


----------



## chocolatecat

Oh ttcne - that's horrible. Hugs! I know it's not about resenting them, more about, why isn't it my turn? 
I was in the same situation, last year out of small cohort of married 20-30s women at work, 6 got pregnant within 6 months of each other. I'm reassuring myself, that when they all come back from maternity leave, I'll be heading off on mine (thinking positive!)

Dreamofabean - I was like you, upset for a day or two, and of course the normal downs of seeing people around us getting pregnant, but it wasn't the devestation of a loss that I thought it would be. Possibly because we could look forward to getting on with FET straight away. Hopefully you'll be able to move to that quite quickly too. Good luck!

Ps testing day tomorrow for me. Eeek! Got a bit of spotting, but no cramps not sure what to think!


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## chocolatecat

bugger. 

Another failure. Beta of 27 (I took a HSG 2000u shot on Monday for Luetal support) So I'm not sure if it's BFN or a chemical. But still not pregnant.
Retest on sat to confirm.

I know it's only been 2 goes, but with the unicornate uterus getting PG is only half the battle (the stats say 50% live birth).
Fostering, adoption, surrogacy. Everything is in my head right now.

hope you're all doing well.


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## raf-wife

:hugs::hugs:


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## dreamofabean

So sorry chocolatecat :( big hugs xx


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## Ttcne

chocolatecat said:


> bugger.
> 
> Another failure. Beta of 27 (I took a HSG 2000u shot on Monday for Luetal support) So I'm not sure if it's BFN or a chemical. But still not pregnant.
> Retest on sat to confirm.
> 
> I know it's only been 2 goes, but with the unicornate uterus getting PG is only half the battle (the stats say 50% live birth).
> Fostering, adoption, surrogacy. Everything is in my head right now.
> 
> hope you're all doing well.

1, 2, or 100 these are losses and they hurt. Take care of yourself. :hugs:


----------



## chocolatecat

Thanks guys, yesterday I was more angry then hurt, if that makes sense. Pissed off that the rest of the world seems to manage to do this just fine, and I can't! I know most people have had longer and harder battles, but I still feel it's all so unfair.
My husband and I are very much in love, both desperate to have children, doting aunt and uncle, always the ones to play with friend's kids at parties...I don't think we'll be perfect parents, but I know we'll be the best we can be, and *RANT* better than most I see around the ACU - 8 months PG woman smoking outside yesterday - GRRRRRRR *RANT OVER*

It hurts more today, and I really don't know how long we should do this for, or when to insist on more tests - such as immune compatibility stuff. Does anyone know of a list of tests that can be done when things start failing for non-obvious reasons??


----------



## mrssunshine78

hi ladies i think i may belong here, feel i don't belong anywhere else

sorry all of you are having to go through this too

my first cycle mc, 2nd cycle cancelled due to poor response, and now i'm just waiting til i can try again, but am swaying from don't want to try again to i want to go again now


----------



## Wallie

mrssunshine78 said:


> hi ladies i think i may belong here, feel i don't belong anywhere else
> 
> sorry all of you are having to go through this too
> 
> my first cycle mc, 2nd cycle cancelled due to poor response, and now i'm just waiting til i can try again, but am swaying from don't want to try again to i want to go again now

The reason we don't want to try again is the hurt we feel, not because we don't want the chance of being pregnant and having a child, it's the screwed up state we are in after a bfn or in your case the cycle not responding as it should. It's our way of protecting ourselves...:hugs:


----------



## Chris77

Hi ladies :hi:

We're on the verge of failing our 6th IUI cycle...this one with Follistim injections. :cry: :cry:


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## mrssunshine78

Chris77 said:


> Hi ladies :hi:
> 
> We're on the verge of failing our 6th IUI cycle...this one with Follistim injections. :cry: :cry:

aww am so sorry :hugs: what is your next step? are you going for ivf?

:hugs:


----------



## Lolly1985

Hi Ladies

Eugh, this is the thread no one wants to ever post on, but here I am again! Well a little about me... This was my second ICSI, the first having failed in September last year. It was a long road to get to round two, with multiple ovarian cysts, crazy hormone levels and OHSS thrown in. Because of all those reasons and the fact we still got our perfect 8 cell embie I thought that fate was with us this time and it just had to work. Well, I was wrong. OTD is not until Thursday but the amount of blood I have lost and continue to lose tells me there is no shred of hope anymore. I began to bleed very early at 7dp3dt. At that stage there is always the hope that it was implantation blood, although I think in my heart I knew. The same happened last time, to the day. Its as if my body is too weak to cope with the thickness of the lining. I am only small, 5ft 1in and 7 ½ stone. I dont have periods really and so I think it is just been too much to bear. Each cycle the pattern has been the same. Bleed a week to the day after but only a tiny bit. It then stops and gives you that tiny false hope that it may just be implanting. Then a bit more the next day, but again it goes. Then nothing until day 4 when you know that its over. Im currently very heavy and its just a cruel reminder of the failure. I want to forget, not remember every time I go to the toilet. I have been taking paracetamol to mask the pain as I feel that I shouldnt have my body letting me know that it failed again. 

Im not really sure how I feel, it changes. I know I feel terribly guilty as I feel that I have let everyone down again. DP is perfect, its my body letting us down. He is lovely and reassuring but its that natural feeling that I just cant shake. I think strangely I am dealing with this failure better than the first, which is odd. I have this sickening sense that we are coming to the end of our journey and that maybe its for the best. I know it is totally the wrong attitude but I cant keep doing this to my body physically and emotionally. I feel so sad for DP. He truly believed if I was more positive after transfer it would be different this time. I was and it has still not worked. I think he is struggling as we are both so out of control. The tears went quite quickly. The initial day I saw the blood was the worst, but then I just knew and began to move through it. I am just extremely angry. I am angry with God. I was blessed in church where I asked him for guidance and support and he let me down. Again I realise this is a very unhealthy attitude and I do hope im not offending anyone but I cant help these dark thoughts. We have to attend a family christening on Sunday for DPs cousin. I have told him why should I enter a house of God and celebrate his love for this little baby when he cant help us have ours. Why should I? I have lost my faith and it scares me. My mum says maybe he wants me to follow another path. Maybe, but why make us suffer so badly along the way? I feel as if I am being punished.

I genuinely believe now that I wont carry my child. We have been looking into adoption. It is something I could get excited about. I would do it now if we could. But DP wants one more try and I owe it to him to try again. Its the only other chance we have to have our own child. It is what he truly wants. I just want a family. I think I need closure on this, but understand DPs need to say we tried 100%. He said if we walk away now he will always think what if. I respect that, I just dont want this need consuming me anymore. Its so draining and I am tired now. After 5 years I am tired.
Please dont console me, I am ok. Save your strength for yourselves, we all need to be able to move forwards. I just came home from work with this need to write it all down and think I will feel more at peace now I have. I am scared that the sadness will hit me in a few weeks, I hope it doesnt. And I hope the anger goes away. It isnt a healthy thing.

I cant understand why good people are punished. Although saying that, in the middle of all this I landed my dream job. How can there be such happiness and such sadness all at once? I think we need a good holiday!

You are all brave ladies, many braver than me. This journey is awful, I can only imagine the joy it can bring. Sadly I feel I am not going to be one of those people. But it doesnt mean I wont get that happiness. I now realise I will, I just think it will be the result of a different path. But then I can tell my child that I chose them, mummy and daddy wanted to love you because you are special, so we came to find you and bring you home. Its all I want.

Thank you so much ladies. My heart goes out to all of you, all special in so many ways :hugs:

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## angiemon

Oh Lolly, I dont know what to say. I havent been on bnb for a while but i wanted to see how you were getting on. Im so sorry the horrible witch has arrived! Its so unfair!! I wish I could help in some way :hugs:

Sending you big hugs :hugs::hugs:


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## Lolly1985

Thank you Angie.

I know what you mean. Sometimes there really isn't anything to say and that's ok because just replying is plenty enough. Thank you so much xxxxxxx


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## dreamofabean

Oh Lolly, im so sorry honey. This whole journey just sucks, life just isnt fair :( xxx


----------



## dreamofabean

We had our follow up appt this afternoon after our first failed icsi. We have 2 frosties and when we got fundinf were told if it was unsuccessful then FET are included. Today we've been told that may not be the case anymore :( They will hopefully let us know tomorrow whether we're ok or if we need to pay. Didnt expect it at all, grrr!
Why is nothing ever easy hey?!x


----------



## Donna210369

Oh Dream that's not good. How can they change their mind when they've already told you they'll pay. I would kick up a right stink. Let us know what they decide to do hunni xx


----------



## dreamofabean

We have funding! Phew! Was ready to kick up a stink! Lol. Have to call on cd1 to book scans for fet... Eek!


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## Donna210369

That's great news :happydance: How many snowbabies do you have? Really good they're doing it so quickly; nice not to have to wait long. Wishing you so much luck with this one lovely xx


----------



## mrssunshine78

lolly i am so sorry for your horrible journey :hugs:

dreamofabean good that you still have funding, they count fet as part of one cycle at our clinic, good luck with it :hugs:


----------



## dreamofabean

Thanks Donna and mrs sunshine :)
Donna we have two frosties, they were frozen on day 1 though so unsure of quality. Not really holding out any hope tbh! X


----------



## jappygirl76

I am not sure where to post this question, but I had my ET 4 days ago, and it was a 6 day transfer. I am having cramping and a lot of bleeding on th TP when I wipe, but not enough to require a pad. Sorry for the TMI!!

I am not due to go for my blood pregnancy test until 7/12 which is not for another 5 days. I am using vaginal progesterone suppositories. This seems like a lot of bleeding to be just spotting or possibly implantation bleeding. Am I freaking out about nothing, or do you think that this means that the IVF was unsuccessful??? I am so nervous right now. Any words of advice or anyone else's experience would really help right now.

Thanks in advance. Please let me know :cry::cry::cry::cry:


----------



## dreamofabean

Sorry to hear this jappygirl :( I can't really offer any advice but wanted to send a big hug!! Do you temp honey? Could always check temp if you do? Otherwise wait a day or two and test. Sorry I can't be more help x


----------



## nhood

This post is pretty old, but I wanted to post anyway. I will be starting my 3rd IVF attempt in OCT/NOV. Its been a very long road for us.

I am 32 and my DH is 37. We went to assisted conception route only after 8 months of trying. We figured it was going to be a piece of cake for us, but I was TOTALLY wrong!

We started out with IUI (AI) with 2 attempts and failed. I had 2 myoectomies to remove fibroids and moved on to IVF. The first attempt, the transfer was cancelled due to embryos not surviving. The second attempt, was successful, unfortunately I lost the twins in the 2nd trimester. Now I have scar tissue and have to do a hysteroscopy before trying with the 3rd attempt. 

With all the trying and failures, I will say this...its up to God. I am not giving up, but I am slowly difting from thiking "positive" to now thinking - it just may not happen.


----------



## Lou32

Hi everyone. Doesn't look like anyone's posted here for a while, which I suppose is a good thing. 
Our second ICSI just failed. Completely heartbroken at the moment and not sure what to think other than scare myself into thinking it might never work. I've never ever been pregnant and I can't help but worry I just can't. It's terrifying. xxx


----------



## mrssunshine78

I'm so sorry your second cycle has just failed, my second one was cancelled, just waiting on af now so I can start my third. It is so heartbreaking so just wanting to send you big :hugs:


----------



## MagicStorm

Our 8th cycle (FET) has just failed today.

I have posted my full story on a new thread on this board.

I'm sorry for anyone who is in this horrible situation.

One day we will get our miracles but sometimes it is hard to see the light.

MS x


----------



## ACLIO

Hi Ladies,
I've not been on for some time since our 1st failed ICSI cycle. I was wondering if I could join you. My DH and I are looking to start our 2nd cycle in a couple of months. I'm going to go back a few pages and try and read up on everyone. I really hope you don't mind me joining in


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## mrssunshine78

Magicstorm I'm so sorry for what you have been through, you must be an amazing strong person to get through all of that. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel :hugs:

Hi alcio good luck with your next cycle :hugs:


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## Del xx

Hi girls,hope it's ok to join u.
We have just had our third fail and are totally devastated. I'm after any advice u habe about further tests before giving it another go.
Background info - we are both 29 and having to go through ivf with icsi as my partner was diagnosed with testicular cancer about a year and a half ago. We use frozen sperm for the treatment that was stored before oh was treated for the cancer. We have very limited supply left. We had our first ivf with icsi in Oct '10,transfered 2 embryos, march '11 had frozen embryo transfer,Aug '11 2 excellent quality embryos transfered;no frosties. They have all failed.
Any advice girls?? Xx


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## Wallie

Well I've just failed my second cycle of IVF. Had two top grade embryos transfered back and nada. I'm thinking of immune testing or certainly asking about it and if my clinic supports it. Maybe you could do that? Also, some ladies have had something called hidden C tested. Check out my journal for more info, there's a link in there on the last few pages.


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## Lou32

Hi everyone - so sad that we have to post here. It breaks my heart to be back on this thread. 
Del - All I've thought about is what tests we should have after our recently failed ICSI. We have our follow-up appt next Tues (6 Sept) so I'll post what my consultant said. I'm going to insist on some tests, but just not sure which ones yet!
Take care everyone
x


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## labmommy

Sad to see some people I recognize and rooted for here. Hi Wallie, Del, Lou!
I'm waiting for AF. Hcg went down to 50 yesterday so it shouldn't be much longer. Re wants to wait one natural cycle before moving to FET after that. Gosh I hope the embies survive thaw...


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## Wallie

labmommy said:


> Sad to see some people I recognize and rooted for here. Hi Wallie, Del, Lou!
> I'm waiting for AF. Hcg went down to 50 yesterday so it shouldn't be much longer. Re wants to wait one natural cycle before moving to FET after that. Gosh I hope the embies survive thaw...

I'm so sorry to see you on this thread too Labmommy. To admit the truth I was upset when you got your bfp and I didn't as I tested that same day. I knew that I was out but folk kept saying it was too early for a bfp, but I know you and others have got theirs very early. Although now I totally regret things and I'm so sorry you're pregnancy didn't work out. I think it'll actually be worse for you than a straight bfn as you're in limbo land just now.

I really hope your FET works for you though, :hugs:

I've to wait at least 2 more AF's before they'll think about doing another fresh cycle. The waiting continues...


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## Lolly1985

Sadly some familiar faces. I have not been on here for quite a few weeks and I am so sorry to come back and see others are having to share this pain. I was on here this time about a year ago, and hoped never to be again. I'm glad that of anything, there are some amazing people who understand all the emotions that are stuck inside.

Lou sweetie, i'm so sorry you have found yourself back here again. Its cruel and not fair. I have often thought about how you have been getting on. I am so sorry I haven't been able to support you like you did me. I found everything too hard. I would often type the website in and delete it again. I hope that your follow up gives you some kind of plan to help you look forward. I have also thought about tests, I will be interested to hear what they tell you, although right now the thought of any more poking and prodding feels me with dread. All my love to you at this horribly difficult time :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Wallie, I am sorry to see that your embies were taken from you. Its awful to have the hope stolen away. I would wish it on no one. Thank you for sharing info with everyone, is it bad that I'm too scared to read it? Thinking of you lovely.

Labmommy, what a horrible time you have had, I am just so sorry for what you have been through. I don't understand why bad things happen to good people and I guess never will. I keep coming back to the fact that its not fair. Hope you have wonderful support around you. 

Del, so sad to hear that you have had to feel the heartache 3 times. You have been through tough times with DP and don't deserve this. The only advice would be what has been mentioned, immune testing. I don't know much about it and have consciously chosen not to up until now. But the fact we seem to all be coming back here after a few attempts shows maybe it is something worth knowing about. All my love to you.

ACLIO, good luck for your second attempt. It takes a strong person to stand up and do it again, you go girl!!

Mrssunshine I hope that you are doing ok. The waiting is a killer, I keepclinging to good things come to those who wait... :hugs:

Magicstorm, what a strong strong lady you are. Sorry doesn't seem enough to say, it won't come close to soothing the feelings you have experienced. You are in my prayers.

Well, from september I can ring to sort out next course of action. So that was today and I thought about it, and chickened out. I feel angry at the thought of speaking to them. Not that I am mad at them or in any way blame them. the clinic and all involved are lovely. i think I am just angry that I have to do this again. In one breath I don't want to, I want to run away and never have to this of it again. But then its all I do think of, having a baby. And I need to be a mummy. So guess I will ring in the morning xxxxx

Lovee to you all xxxxxxxxxx


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## Azreal

Hello everyone
this is my first time on a forum... so many others I have read and found unsatisfactory for one reason or another...it is a HUGE relief to find people 'out there' who feel exactly the same way I do... have just had 4th failed IVF - 2 eggs retrieved but no fertilisation. 1st and 3rd cycles we had one embryo to transfer, 2nd cycle was a complete disaster like this one.
I am nearly 41 and DH 42 so time is certainly running out for us. We'll probably have another go in a couple of months and it that one doesn't work we may have to make THAT decision. 
Just a note to those who are considering having extensive blood tests done - our FS ordered a whole raft of tests after the 3rd cycle - these included Karyotype, gluten intolerance, thyroid function and autoimmune amongst other things. Came back I have a positive ANA and raised thyroid antibodies - which the FS described as 'autoimmune tendencies'
Having a low ovarian reserve I wish we had these tests right at the beginning - I think each cycle is lowering my reserve even further. so YES talk to your FS about having these sorts of tests done!
Thanks to you all for posting - at least I know I am not going mad!


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## mrssunshine78

so sorry you've had another failed attempt, it must be so hard for you, you must be a really strong person to keep going :hugs::hugs: Good luck for the future i really hope your next cycle works 

i too have tried other sites, but this one is definitely the best :thumbup:


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## Lou32

Hi Azreal - So sorry you've had to post in this thread. It sounds like you've had a terrible time. Do you mind me asking what ANA is? And how do they treat it?
My doctor doesn't believe in immune tests at all, yet I've read about so many women who have these issues and it's made a difference to have them treated. It's so difficult to know what to do when the doctor is telling you it's a waste of money....
Good luck for your next go xxx


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## Azreal

Hello Lou32
ANA stands for anti nuclear antibodies - people who have lupus always have a positive ANA but not everyone who has a positive ANA has lupus - sometimes it can just be one of those things that your body produces (I have never had any symptoms)- it may have been preventing implantation. I did start on Prednisolone(steroidal anti inflammatory) with the last cycle to combat this but as we didn't get any embryos to transfer I don't know whether it would have been effective. Reading others posts and also yours re doctors and their reluctance to order tests I guess we were lucky to have a FS who suggested it in the first place.
It has been a tough time especially this last time. I was upset after the first 3 didn't work but seemed to get over it okay. This time I am having a lot of trouble dealing with it. We will have another try - we are lucky enough in Australia to get a fair bit of the fee back on Medicare so finances aren't really an issue - but I've pretty much given up hope of it ever working.
As much as none of us want to be on this thread it is nice to know that what I am feeling is pretty much 'normal' which is a huge help. Even if no one had read this or replied I felt better just writing it down. :flower:


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## Lolly1985

Hello everyone

Azreal i agree with you in that writing it down can help. There is only so many times I can cry to DP about the unfairness of it all. And even then I feel that being a man he couldn't understand all the ins and outs of such a personal and invasive procedure. Nothing against him, he is wonderful and I couldn't understand the way he feels, but that maternal instinct is so fierce that only another woman in the hearthbreaking position we are in can understand. I don't know if anyone agrees or not but its just how I read the situation :shrug: He finds it hard to see me sad and gets angry at the situation so have to try and fight on.

I am so sorry to see you have had to do this 4 times. I am at a loss with 2 and you are such a strong lady. It must help to have a good doc on side. Good for you for one final push, I really hope you get to ET this time and all the additional meds help to support a healthy pregnancy. I have read with interest all the ladies stories about immune testing. I feel this may be an issue with me also. I have had 2 ETs, the first with 2 embies and the second with 1 best quality one. Both failed and the bleeding began a week to the day of ET which is surely too soon? Even if they didn't stick I thought that the progesterone would hold off AF for longer. These are definately questions I will be asking at my appointment on 22nd sept, but feel that as we are lucky enough to be NHS they may not come up with any solutions other than 'wait and see this time'. 

I'm so sorry to hear that this go is hitting you so hard. Its such a cruel process and I can only offer you my thoughts and to say that we are all people who understand that hurt, you are not alone sweetie.

Hello to everyone, Lou, Sunshine, Wallie and all you other lovely ladies who sadly have had to post on this thread.

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## ILuvBabies200

New to this section as I hadn't seen it before! We just failed an IUI w/injections cycle in July. It was devastating to say the least. And my RE is refusing to allow another one since I respond so strongly with my PCOS. We are getting a 2nd opinion with another RE this Wednesday. I am nervous as heck....


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## Azreal

Hi Lolly1985

Thanks so much for your kind words - however I don't think I'm brave at all. Fed up, frustrated and a bit lost Yes but brave? No :blush:

I agree with you re crying to the DH/DP. Mine has been more than understanding but I still don't think he really gets how upsetting this time was. Although I do feel a little bad that I wasn't able to give him the support as well - I just didn't have it in me at the time.

Good luck with your appt on the 22nd Sept - not that far away. Our orginal follow up appt was on the 19th Oct but I couldn't wait that long - it would have driven me crazy. Rang the clinic today to see if we could get an earlier phone consult (we live in the country) and the FS will be in our town this Wednesday and there was a cancellation so we got in! We've got a big list of things to go through - could take a while!:wacko: 
I hope you get some answers to your questions. I would certainly ask about immune testing. Are you going to have another go?

I have only used the progesterone once and my period came right on day 14. I then had some breakthrough bleeding about 2 weeks later - that's the only time I have ever had breakthrough bleeding ever. Sometimes I wonder what all this medication is doing to our bodies. :dohh:

We'll probably have another in Dec or Jan. I want to talk to the DH about DHEA which is supposed to help with egg numbers and quality - but you do need to be on it for at least 3 months I think. We did try Saizen with the 3rd cycle (it is a growth hormone which can help with egg quality) but we saw no noticeable improvement and at $200 a vial (we needed 7 vials) I don't think we will use it again.

Sometimes I feel with all the reading I have done and things I have looked up on the internet I'm more of an expert than the doctors!:haha

Thinking of you all


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## KittyCat82

Hello ladies-we have just had our first failed IVF cycle and I must say I didnt expect to be feeling as bad as I am. We are unexplained and after the cycle went well but still BFN, we are almost more unexplained now. There was talk of doing some further tests for implantation (but I have been pregnant before so not so much) or DNA fragmentation but apparently not justified until 2 failed cycles. We paid for this one but we are going to try and get on the NHS list for the next one now.

Part of me wants to do it asap and part of me never wants to do another cycle. I think deep down I am scared now that I will never get pregnant-esp when the Dr's are saying there is no reason why I shouldnt be pregnant already.

How do you guys move on for now? x


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## Ann27

I'm not really a forum user and this is the first one I ever joined. Same as some of the other posts, I suppose it is just the need to communicate with somebody who understands or a way of "self-counseling".
I'm 41. We have been trying for 6 years and been through it all with Chlomid, IUI and IVF. We only had one go on the NHS which feels unfair - as so many other things - given that the general guideline is that you should have 3 goes and some councils allow more. Plus, we had to wait for 4 years! We seem to live in the wrong area and the GP actually suggested at the time that we move...
We just had our follow-up meeting (after failed IVF). Apparently, in spite of my age, we had a really good cycle, with 15 eggs collected and 3 blastocysts. They would not have put more than 2 back but we decided to have one due to previous miscarriage of twins. Clinic suggests to do another cycle but I don't think I can hack it, plus it seems a lot of money for possibly nothing - which we can't really afford.
Yesterday, my best friend told me she was pregnant. Although I'm happy for her, she was the only one I feel I could still talk to. Now, selfishly, feel completely abandoned and very very lonely. :cry: Don't know how to deal with this. We are considering adoption. Is anybody at that stage or has already adopted?


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## Wallie

KittyCat82 said:


> Hello ladies-we have just had our first failed IVF cycle and I must say I didnt expect to be feeling as bad as I am. We are unexplained and after the cycle went well but still BFN, we are almost more unexplained now. There was talk of doing some further tests for implantation (but I have been pregnant before so not so much) or DNA fragmentation but apparently not justified until 2 failed cycles. We paid for this one but we are going to try and get on the NHS list for the next one now.
> 
> Part of me wants to do it asap and part of me never wants to do another cycle. I think deep down I am scared now that I will never get pregnant-esp when the Dr's are saying there is no reason why I shouldnt be pregnant already.
> 
> How do you guys move on for now? x

I feel the same, wot now, it went so well, just didn't get the desired result. Our first cycle was a bit of a disaster from fertilisation. We did get one embryo fertilize but on day 2, so with a bfn from that cycle it didn't feel quite as bad as the second, still bad but I had less hope for sure. I went into the 2nd cycle so positive, doing everything to keep me positive, good luck stuff etc and came out with nothing again...I wonder if we do it again will it work, will I ever be a mum... I don't want to not have family and grow old with no kids. I want to be pregnant, give birth and have a family...but I don't want to do IVF again either...

I am trying to be gentle on myself, be upset if I have to be but try and be happy when I can too. I don't want to be perceived as a miserable cow and be bitter about others having children. 

So keep busy, do things even if you're not in the mood, so push yourself more.

I have a book although I've not finished it yet, but it does seem to help me, it's called Stop Thinking, Start Living, I think it's Richard Carlson who is the author.

:hugs:


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## Ann27

It's hard not to be a miserable cow with all of this! I really don't want to be that either but I have come to the point where I resent having to put on a brave face. It's just so personal. It's not the kind of thing that you easily share with work colleagues for example. But I also feel that people don't really understand if they haven't been there themselves.


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## Wallie

Ann27 said:


> It's hard not to be a miserable cow with all of this! I really don't want to be that either but I have come to the point where I resent having to put on a brave face. It's just so personal. It's not the kind of thing that you easily share with work colleagues for example. But I also feel that people don't really understand if they haven't been there themselves.

I totally agree with you too, it's really a tough one and you've to be picky with who you do tell. Some just don't get it one bit and honestly can't believe the way you are feeling, that makes it even more upsetting that you can't count on someone you think you could.

I'm not at the point of adoption but it has crossed my mind a couple of times over the last few weeks. I just don't know what to think about it all yet. I do desperately want to have a baby myself but if it comes to it I will seriously consider it.


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## Azreal

Hi Ann27
I have been a 'miserable cow' for nearly 2 weeks now and if that's the way I need to feel to get through this then that's what I am gonna feel and too bad for everyone else.
I resent having to put on a brave fact too. Last night I was out and I was sitting with two women - who I didn't really know all that well - and they were raving on and on about their kids, others kids and kids they probably didn't even know. I just wanted to scream 'WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!' Of course they don't know about our failed IVFs but it was tempting.:growlmad:
Feel what you need to - it's al normal and part of the grieving process.


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## Wallie

Azreal said:


> Hi Ann27
> I have been a 'miserable cow' for nearly 2 weeks now and if that's the way I need to feel to get through this then that's what I am gonna feel and too bad for everyone else.
> I resent having to put on a brave fact too. Last night I was out and I was sitting with two women - who I didn't really know all that well - and they were raving on and on about their kids, others kids and kids they probably didn't even know. I just wanted to scream 'WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!' Of course they don't know about our failed IVFs but it was tempting.:growlmad:
> Feel what you need to - it's al normal and part of the grieving process.

Yeah, that's one of the things that peeves me off about women who have kids. All they talk about is their kids, it's as if they've nothing left to talk about. I would love to be like that too but I find it boring and insensitive if they full well know I've been married 8 years with no kids. If I was them, I would think to myself that if that's the case surely we don't want kids or can't have any, so shut up!


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## Lolly1985

hi ladies

Here here to you all!! People do sometimes need to just read between the lines and shut up about babies! The hot topic in the staff room at the moment it 'when im pregnant...' It makes me want to scream, like its a given! I mean i wouldnt wish this on anyone but sometimes people need to think that nothing is a given in this world and what is given is a gift. Grrr!

On the adoption topic i have looked into this and have spoken to social services for more information. Maybe i shouldnt be, maybe i should be focusing on this cycle but it comforts me to know that if this fails again there is still hope. It just comes in a different way. The lady was lovely and gave lots of advice and then a social worker followed up a couple of days later. They told me as it is, not all rosey but a tough journey with many ups and downs. She said sometimes people quit half way through but i just feel if we have made it this far with all the heartache we can do anything. Of course i would love to be pregnant but thats 9 months. If we are to be blessed with a child, whatever way they are given to us, then that love lasts a lifetime.

My thoughts with you all. Love Lolly x x x x x


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## Ann27

Thank you, ladies! So good to have some feedback!
About the insensitivity of others: I sometimes think I was probably one of those people who put her foot in it myself years ago before I realised I would ever have a problem with this. People say the stupidest things because they have never thought of this, never experienced it and having a baby is the most normal, natural thing in the world for most of the population. I think until about a year ago or so even I kind of just expected it to happen eventually. Somewhere along the way, it would work out. But no matter what we do and how hard we try, this is just completely out of our control which I find very hard to accept.
So, yes, I agree I don't wish it on anybody but a bit of thought and consideration and appreciation for the miracle that a pregnancy is in the first place wouldn't go amiss sometimes.


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## Wallie

Ann27 said:


> So, yes, I agree I don't wish it on anybody but a bit of thought and consideration and appreciation for the miracle that a pregnancy is in the first place wouldn't go amiss sometimes.

I was speaking to a Counsellor today, first time, and I was speaking about how I've had to take a wide bearth with some friends who are pregnant especially my best friend. She struggled for a while too to get pregnant but I find her insensitive and very full of herself even though she knows my situation.

I also spoke about my colleague which I'm covering maternity leave for and I got on really well with her whilst she trained me before going off.

It's odd that I can deal with one girl being pregnant and not the other but I've now realised today the reason I get on with the girl who I am covering for at work, it's because she still can't believe she is pregnant, even at 39 weeks! Basically she appreciates being pregnant whilst the other one doesn't.

Anyway just thought I'd put this down in writing.


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## Azreal

Wallie
Just wondering how you went speaking to a counsellor? My DH is insisting I speak to one but I'd rather cut out my own tongue. Did it help at all?


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## Wallie

Azreal said:


> Wallie
> Just wondering how you went speaking to a counsellor? My DH is insisting I speak to one but I'd rather cut out my own tongue. Did it help at all?

Yes, I think it has helped. I found it has been the only time where my OH and I have sat and talked about not yet having a baby for an hour and a half constantly. Certainly without any tears and tantrums. It was good to have a mediator and she asked how we truly felt about it all and how and who we speak to etc. 

It was good as we didn't know anything about her and just sat and talked. I'm going back as it was so helpful so I would recommend even if you just went the once to see how you got on.

She thought I should have some hobbies for myself and relax more. I've always fancied yoga, so I may do that and of course Zumba's all the craze here just now, so I may do that. She also recommended a website for relaxation techniques called MoodCafe. So I'll check that out too. 

One other thing was to stop waiting on when we have a baby, do the things we want to and look ahead to other things other than having a baby. If the baby comes we just fit it in around everything else. Basically stop putting life on hold for when ...


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## Lou32

Hi guys. I'm finding it seriously tough at the moment. If anything, feeling progressively worse about this BFN. Since the follow up, and the doc said we had to prepare ourselves in case it might not happen, I've lost all hope and it's breaking my heart. Every day is such a struggle. I've never felt like this before. Seriously, how do you get through this? Lolly - I've found myself looking up info on adoption recently, but the whole process seems terrifying. Every website goes to great lengths to say it's almost impossible to adopt a baby and they are usually older children, often with serious issues. It's scary stuff! I just can't get my head round the fact I might never experience being pregnant and never hold my baby. I'm sorry to drag the mood down, I'm just finding it all too painful at the moment and don't know what to do.x


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## Lolly1985

Oh Lou

Im so sorry you are feeling this way. I think we can all sympathise with the awful emotions going round your head at the moment. It seems so cruel, unfair and desperate. Of course we are all here for you 100% but have you thought about speaking to someone? It works for some, not for others. I only saw a councellor after first failed, but it did me the world of good. And Wallie seems to be having positive results to. Its worth thinking about, and althouth it wont change the outcome, it may change the way you view it? I know if my clinic was nearer I would have seen her again this time. 

Your doc sounds cold. I know they have to be realistic and I guess maybe the tough love attitude works in some instances, but not this. They havent said it will never happen, so surely while there is still hope they should be focusing everything on that chance, and ploughing everything they medically can into making it happen? Or at least dont say it until theyve exhausted each avenue. They say that many do get lucky on their third time so they shouldnt write you off. Know I just need to follow my own advice now...

With regard to adoption, yes it is super scary! Like you I have read lots of scare stories and when I spoke to the woman on the phone she told me kind of the worst case scenario. But I think they have to make you aware as otherwise any glitch down the line and people might not be able to deal with it. She said that some have backed out half way through because they were simply not prepared for some of the implications so I guess they almost need to scare you initially to make sure the people who proceed are 100% committed. I have worked with children for 10 years now and have seen many adoptive families during my time. Generally the children have been adopted at around 12 months, but one was 7 months and one family adopted two brothers, one being 18 months and the other a newborn. One little girl I used to look after was born addicted to drugs, but we only found this out a lot later down the line. And you would never ever have known. She is the picture of health and happiness, and such a bright little button. Its so scary but I know it can come good. 

I have also been looking at adoption overseas and came to Russia. Adoption there follows much the same process as here, and you have to pay the legal fees so can be costly, but it is much more likely you will adopt a younger baby. There are many orphanages there, where there are healthy babies who have sadly been abandoned. I watched a video and sobbed at the weekend about this couple who adopted there and brought their baby home. They said thank you god for the burden of infertility as without this we would not have brought out angel home. Was a wreck! I hope to post a video like this one day. I know Im writing try 3 off, but in my heart I dont feel it will work. But then I guess who really knows, we have to remain hopeful I suppose, hard as it is.

Lovely, the pain will ease, but of course it will never go away until you hold your child in your arms. And who knows how it will happen, but it will. Your destiny is to be a mum and sometimes we just have to fight harder than others. But if you want it enough you will have it. Never apologise for being down. That is what this thread is here for. Its one that no one ever wants to post in but rest assured that when you do others will understand, you are not alone. My thoughts are with you. Stay strong Lou xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Delly

Hi Ladies,

I had my ET on the 9th Sept, I started bleeding 7DPT heavy to me a normal AF with clotting (red) for 2 days, I phone the clinic and they adviced me to carry on with the prostrogen as my OTD is this coming friday, i have no symptoms and have done a couple of early pregnacy test. I no that is was over for me and dont want to test again on friday just to have it confirmed. It is such a cruel time to go through. I know I have children and should be blessed with what i have but i so wanted to give my hubby to be a gift of a child. Why did i ever let my ex talk me into being sterilised. I am still devatasted. My friends are not supportive towards me as they cant understand why i am doing it in the first place. I am sorry to ramble on but i just cant shake this feeling of dread that i have going around my head at the moment xx


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## _Nell

> Since the follow up, and the doc said we had to prepare ourselves in case it might not happen, I've lost all hope and it's breaking my heart.

Oh crap Lou, is that what they said? :( That just seems so negative of them, i thought the odds increased for the first 3 rounds and it's therafter you have to prepare yourself for the dreaded 'never'?

I've just failed my 2nd round too, with 2 blasts on board. On the whole, asides my BFN of course my 2nd cycle seemed to go better that my first (where we had 22 eggs fail to fertilize so had a 2 day transfer). My lining was dreadful again (not even 7mm) and tbh if we can't sort that there really is no point in me repeatedly paying almost £5k for IVF cycles.

Sucks to be us on this thread, right?


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## Lou32

Oh Nell, I'm so sorry. And sounds like similar story to us - the second go went better than the first, but still didn't work. It's like some cruel joke because you start to think it might actually be your turn. It's truly sh*t. I don't know much about lining problems, but can't they do anything about that? I'm sure it's still pretty raw for you, so I guess you have to find your answers in your own time.
I don't know about the odds tbh. I've read that the odds get worse with each go and I've also read they get better with each go. Who knows. Our last clinic had a nurse who told us that if it doesn't work after three times it will NEVER work. I find that hard to believe and the clinic I'm at now said it simply wasn't true...It sounds like things went much better for you, I'm just so sorry about the outcome....

Lolly - Thank you so much for your post. You're totally right (about everything!) and I can't understand why he couldn't have been more positive about putting everything into the next go. I have a real problem with doctors and tend to take a disliking to them v easily, but this doctor I had a good feeling about from the start because of his directness. Thing is I really feel like he let us down with our follow-up, gave no real advice and, although he couldn't identify anything concrete which had gone wrong, he seemed to just give up on us. I just can't decide whether to stay with him or not....It's all such a mental battle.
With the adoption thing, I understand they have to be realistic, but the whole thing terrifies me. It also terrifies me that I could adopt a child and they'll keep contact with their birth parents and want to go back to them. Does that sound stupid? I know someone who is adopted and he looked up his birth parents when he was 18 and now he includes them in every family occasion. I feel so bad for his adopted parents who brought him up. It's funny you should mention the adoption from Russia, because I had started to read more about adoption from abroad, but again, so much to put you off, especially with the expense. I mean, are we talking tens of thousands? Is that a viable option for ordinary people? I realise you might not know, it's just I suppose these questions go round in your head...
I've been to see a counsellor twice since this last BFN and, although the first time I felt a bit better, I've since been to see her after my follow-up and nothing seems to be budging this dark cloud. I don't think I've ever felt so completely hopeless for so long. 
We have an appointment with Mr Patel, the immunologist at Care M'cr in a couple of weeks (more expense!), so maybe he might be able to give us some options which might help. Although the level one immune tests might be an option if the nice GP will agree to do them, the level 2 ones aren't at the moment at least. They quoted £2.5K for these tests alone!

Hope everyone else is OK and I'm so sorry we all have to post here. I suppose the only positive thing about it is to know that it's normal to feel like this and we can help each other through it...
Take care everyone
xxx


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## Lou32

Delly - I'm so sorry. I really hope that you're wrong, but if it's not to be then it must be hard for both you and your OH. Sounds like your friends could do with being more supportive. I always think you can't judge someone else unless you've been in that position and they have no idea how it feels to be in your position.x


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## Lolly1985

Hello everyone

Lou, the website I looked at quoted around 15k which is an awful lot. I don't know if you have to pay all up front or pay as you go (which would be far more manageable). Ukkk, it really is horrible. But I know DP would prefer this as the child is much younger and the chances of tracing birth parents - something he really struggles with - is extremly remote. I don't know how I feel about birth parents to be honest. I almost think that if you give a child the very best of you they should have no reason to. But know thats unrealistic, curiosity and questions are a given I guess. I know I can be quite jealous though so I admit it does really scare me. 

I hope your appointment with the immunologist goes better than with your other doc. It must be very hard to decide what to do, especially paying private. 

The cloud will lift but I guess no one can say when. I know its horrible living with all this on your shoulders. I can't remember a time when I didn't carry this hurt around. It sucks so bad, it physically hurts if I let it. Sometimes I manage to push it away and be upbeat. I think now my good days outweigh the bad but it will never go until we have our families. I guess its just waiting for things to ease slightly. It will lovely because it has to. And we are all here for you.

Nell and Delly, so sorry to have had to join us here. Nell you are like me and Lou, having has 2 failed attempts. Its so sad because I had convinced myself that the first go was a trial run and they would tweak everything and second cycle would be different. :cry: Love to you both and hope these early days are bearable. This thread is great to let all the emotions tumble out and not worry what people think as more than likely we have felt/are feeling exactly the same.

Well I'm off to the clinic tomorrow to collect my medication for third attempt. I can't believe I am here again. I know I should be so grateful and please don't think I am not, but a big part of me can't face doing this all over again....

Lots of love, Lolly xxxxx


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## Delly

Hi ladies thank you for accepting me into you forum. My dh has taken it better than me but I feel such a failure :-(. I can't seem to shake this mood that I am in x


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## Lolly1985

Delly I'm so sorry. I know what you mean about feeling a failure, I do to. My counsellor said that i'm not and that it is a joint process and no one knows why these things happen. But when its your body its so hard not to feel responsible. I have lots of probs (DP is fine) so I feel so guilty for all this, I think it must be natural from others comments. But doesn't make it an y easier. I sometimes find it hard to understand why DP is with me when I can't give him what many others can. He is so sweet and says he would rather have me but I know he aches for a child. It truely is a sh*tty feeling isn't it. Sending you my love xxxxxxxxxx


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## _Nell

Lolly and Lou - thanks for your wishes. TBH I don't feel too bad, it feels wrong just admitting that tbh as when I started this cycle I thought I'd lose it totally if it failed. I just feel sad but nothing more really (yet?), no tears anyway, mainly because I've always just felt this was never going to happen for me. I thought positive thoughts this whole cycle, but i had to force myself because really I just didn't believe i'd get a BFP.

I keep trying to tell myself that my life with out children is ok, we're happy and healthy but tbh I think what angers me most if that it wouldn't be a choice, being child-free will be forced on us by my failing body.

DH isn't prepared to look at adoption and tbh I did a little googling and as we move around (countries) we wouldn't be eligible in any case.

Delly - I am so sorry you have had the break through bleeding. I bled, AF, on day 12 after EC (so 10days after my 2 day transfer). This cycle I have also started AF through my progesterone on day 13. My clinic say this is ok but it concerns me that the progesterone isn't supportive enough, I use crinone.

I don't think I mentioned earlier but this cycle has been extra hard because I think something did happen, an almost pregnant. On day 11 (after EC) I had the strangest cramps i've ever had lasting about 4 or 5 minutes, too late for implantation surely?. On day 12 I tested early and got the faintest of squinters on a FRER. I've never ever had a squinter before. Day 13 bleeding started and OTD a stark white BFN. I tested out the trigger so the squinter was real, my body obviously had some HCG from the embryo (s) but I guess implantation failed. I wonder if my lining had been better or my progesterone levels checked if i could have hung onto that little embryo better?


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## _Nell

Lolly - can I ask have you had your endo treated in any way before proceeding with an IVF cycle? I didn't know i had endo but i've had pre-menstrual spotting since coming off the BCP and then on this, my 2nd IVF, they found some endometrioma cysts on my ovaries. I'm just wondering if i should have a lap to help my odds or just keep ploughing on really with IVF (DH has agreed to a 3rd and last try). I've asked Dr's but the medical community seem divided on whether to treat endo before IVF or not.


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## Azreal

Just wanted to say Hi to everyone and keep hanging in there.
Lou and Lolly - you two are a godsend... just so compassionate and understanding.
We had a failed 4th try about a month ago now (see previous posts) and it took 2 weeks to get over the acute grief but there's still a big hole. I have been feeling really tired and unusually flat the past 10 days or so and when I went to see the acupuncturist she told me me I had an 'empty pulse' and that my 'chi' was depleted - whatever it is I hope she can fix it because I feel like I'm dragging myself around. I hope you are all looking after yourselves both physically and mentally.
We're going to have a 5th and possibly final round in Dec. If that doesn't work we have tentatively spoken about an egg donor but I don't know I want to go down that road. Adoption is not really an option here in Australia with all the rules and regulations. We might look at fostering but I guess we will have to wait and see.
Take lots of care x


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## Lolly1985

Hello ladies :hugs:

I hope everyone is 'hanging in there'. Easier said than done at times.

Nell, I've never really had any treatment for the endo. I had a cyst removed in 2007 but I was having a lap and was under at the time so think they just did it while they were in there!! I have had zolodex injections x 3 (1 a month) to try and shrink the cysts which worked but then with all the meds they just grow again. I had many last time and was scared they would cancel the cycle but they just monitored me more closely and then drained then during EC. I suspect than when I have a scan in about 10 days time I will have more but it has never stopped the treatment commensing and follicles growing. I know their presence is not the reason this isn't working and the docs don't seem too worried so I go with that. It may well be though I would be treated very differently at another clinic :shrug: 

Hi Azreal! I'm very sorry you are so down at the moment. It can be like a numbness, I found it took time to feel 'normal' again after a failed cycle. Well, saying that I don't think I ever feel 100% normal but you know what I mean. I hope your acupuncture can help you, I have never had it and have heard good things so fingers crossed for you.

I had my appointment on Thursday and got all my meds. Our clinics policy regarding ET has changed in the last month. They now take the embies to blasts if they are of good quality, before it was eaither 2 or 3dt. Our last one was 'poerfect' so that may have been an option but who knows if it would have changed anything. I also asked about the bleeding starting a week after transfer both times and whether that was normal on progesterone. I said it seemed so unfair that weeks of time and emotion were ploughed into 6 days of hope before it all being lost. She was very sweet but said that each woman is different and that the only thing to change my response to the progesterone would be for the embryo to stick. Its just a sad fact that if it doesn't within the set time I will just bleed very early. :cry: She asked if it was my last try and I said yes and she looked really sad for me, which kind of annoyed me and I don't know why...

Anyway I went back to uni today for my final year, it seems a good tool to get my mind on to other things. Can't believe my degree is in early years though :dohh: 

Lou, how are you holding up at the moment? I hope you are having as good a weekend as possible and are not torturing yourself too much. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Delly, how are you? :hugs:

Love to everyone, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## mrssunshine78

i have found that acupuncture is helping a little, i don't feel as sad and empty as normal, i feel like i'm stuck in limbo at the moment because my fsh is high they wont give me treatment, my consultant keeps telling me i'm young, i certainly don't feel like i am in fertility terms at 33, so he's not really prepared to do anything but wait and see if it comes down over the next few months :dohh: pretty depressing really as i feel like life is on hold.

nell i'm so sorry your cycle has failed, are they prepared to do any more indepth testing such as immunes?

delly i'm sorry your cycle failed too, this whole process is just so heartbreaking.

good luck with your cycle lolly

hope everyone else is ok too :hugs::hugs:


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## Wallie

Hi Ladies,

I hear what you are all saying and I'm going through the motions and emotions just now. I have my consultant follow up appt this Tuesday to review our 2nd failed cycle. Did anyone get anything positive out of their 2nd review when they had it, I feel like he'll just say it was bad luck?


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## Lou32

Hi Wallie, I meant to let you know about our follow-up but I think I forgot...Consultant said as we got more eggs this time (21) the embryos were not as good quality so he believes the embryos died in me. I've since requested copies of our notes and the 12 that fertilised started grade 1 and 2 but turned into 2s by day 3.Altho we had 2 early blasts on day 5 and all made it to day 5,the quality was bad. He suggested lowering my dose of Gonal F to get fewer eggs which should make better embryos. Thing is he totally blamed my eggs, but said there was no evidence to suggest it was them. OH's sperm was terrible too, but he dismissed that may be the problem. He also said immune tests were a waste of money as they're not proven. He agreed to do a hysteroscopy to check all ok. Anyway, we ignored him and are going to see the immune doc at Care in 2 weeks for advice. OH also going to have sperm dna fragmentation test.....Lolly, that's exactly my fear with adoption. £15k...it upsets me so much how much it's crippling us financially to get what most people get for free.I think i'd prefer that option though.Hope things going well for you with this cycle xxx We go on hols to Fuerteventura tomorrow. Really wish I was excited but can't seem to feel happy about anything at mo. Pathetic, I kno! Take care everyone xxx


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## Nayla82

Hi Ladies :hugs:

Sorry for everyone that is in here, Some of you may know me from earlier on in the year, and I can see theres a few new names.. Love to you all and so sorry again were in this gloomy part of the forum...

A quick update since my 2nd Failed ICSI in June I have been getting worse with every passing day.. it really took me my surprise the grief and pain that I am feeling, Than in july my luck I broke my right arm fell in the swimming pool, Only now its getting much better...

My follow up Wallie was 'its bad luck i am a victim of statistic' she did say she would like to do a Hysteroscopy the biopsy of my Uterus to make sure nothing is there? even though with both cycles my Uterus has always been fine and my progesterone has been perfect?

She did suggest we do Kerotype blood test which my husband has refused to do :nope: saying i dont need no more shit and surprises! what will be will be... i said they need to check that were compatible and the eggs and sperms are connecting well and theres nothing sinister as the embryos might look great to the eye but inside it could me all messy... he said say if it comes back that we cant have kids together and we have abnormal DNA I dont need that! 
In Regards to immune testing she is very relaxed saying all i can give is Steroids that i gave you anyway for your last IVF.. So what ever Immune testing we do.. Steriods will be the only thing you will take?? :nope:

I dont know do any of you women have a gut feeling what it is?? i just feel with me the seconds she puts the embryos back they die?? i mean i just dont even feel there ok or even trying to stick?? last time the nurse was coughing her lungs out while the dr was doing the transfer? the Dr had to tell her keep still with the ultrasound wand, She could have contaminated my potential babies! sometimes i even feel the quality of my embryos maybe were very bad and just to make me happy as we have paid so much they say 8 Cells excellent grade... in total i have had four 8 cells best of grades why didnt even 1 try to stick? :cry:my husband said i should not think like this this its UK they have laws and will not lie! i just have sick things in my head.. and sometimes i feel like cutting a picture of my Doctor and throwing darts at it! :wacko: i know shes here to help me... at the same time im so angry that she is failing me time and time again :cry:

I have taken unpaid leave of work, as im not in a 'happy place' at the moment and my husband has booked me in for some Therapy.. About positive thinking and being in control, and im just hoping she will help me out in my head :blush: i know the way im feeling mentally a 3rd iVF is a no no.. im hoping to give it a try in the new year, in the meantime my goal is a healthy mind... MARCH and JUNE 2 fresh Failed IVFS so close has shook me so badly and I cry up to 4 times a day and i refuse to be on Anti-Depressants, only now im feeling the intensity of the pain... i have read time and time again if after the 3rd failed cycle the success rates decline alot! and if the 3rd one fails i think mentally it will kill me....

So sorry for my thoughts... not a happy camper at the moment and i dont think theres anything or anyone in this world that can make me happy unless im a mom... a little extreme i know... being a mum is my one and only dream...

I hope our dreams come true,,, love to u all x


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## Wallie

Well I've just had my review with my doctor. Nothing suggests why it didn't work. We had a good cycle, alot better than last (not difficult) had two Grade 4, 8 cell embies put back and they just didn't work. Maybe they never made it as the other 6 did not make it to blast to freeze. Next time depending on quality and quantity they may leave until day 5..eek!

We are getting more blood tests done, I can't remember them all, only one for blood clotting, I'll update when I know the results but she assumes all will be negative.

So we try again in the new year hopefully, same protocol as last and maybe go to day 5 for transfer.

They don't support immune testing or killer cell testing as the FDA don't have supporting evidence that these are true.

Anyway, 12 long weeks before I probably start IVF again... Please let this work, I just don't know what's going to happen if it doesn't work. This is so depressing.


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## Wallie

Nayla you seem in a horrible place just now. I do hope the positive thinking therapy works for you. :hugs:


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## Lolly1985

Hi ladies, I found this on another thread and thought it was lovely... 
What do I think is meant by my infertility?

I think it is so my partner and I grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think we are meant to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think it is meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think it is meant for us to find a cure for infertility.

No, it is not that we are never meant for to not have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less travelled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, I am meant to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let myself down.

Frankly, if the truth be known, I think I have been singled out for a special treatment. I think I am meant to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.

While I would never choose infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me why I have been handed infertility. I already know."

Lolly xxxxxxx


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## pk2of8

hello ladies...

i have read through every word on this thread. i can't believe i am posting here. i saw this thread and avoided it like the plague all through my stimming/2ww for my first icsi cycle. nothing to do with you special women or trying to keep pma...i just didn't want to face the fear that beset me every time i thought it might not work. i can completely relate to every feeling and word you all have shared. the emotions of dealing with this really take you through the ringer. i guess i should give you a little info about me...

i'm 35, dh is 41. we have been ttc since we got married in May 2010, but were ntnp for a year before that. i have 4 children from a previous marriage, so because of that i get mixed responses from anyone who finds out that we're ttc and then going through ivf/icsi on top of that. but dh has no children, and it is my dream to have a baby with him. i love him with all my heart...he wants the experience of having his own bio little one, but if it doesn't happen, he says he's content with "ours" as well. how can i not love this man? well, dh has severe mfi. his last SA just prior to our ivf was total count = 300,000. dh's diagnosis is testicular failure. he has very high levels of fsh and the doc says it's basically a miracle that he still produces any sperm at all, but his counts have been progressively, significantly worse over the past year. down from 22 million total count, which was clearly extremely low to begin with. i'm classed as "secondary infertility" due to my previous pg's. we suspect i have endometriosis due to symptoms, but we haven't tested for that b/c RE says the ivf bypasses the issues it causes. we've both had karyotyping and genetic testing, etc...all came back normal. all my hormone levels have always been in the normal range, but i can't shake the feeling that something isn't "right" with me. i feel like having this failed ivf/icsi just proves it. 

some days i'm "okay"...just getting through. other days, i can't get beyond this overwhelming sadness. dh is trying so hard to be supportive. he's disappointed, but he's not one to express his feelings as much. 

anyway, we did a pretty standard protocol i think. down reg'ed with bcp's for 6 weeks. then got af and started lupron. then after 2 weeks of lupron, added stims. 300 units Follistim and 20 units low dose HCG. stimmed for 10 days, then 250mcg Ovidrel trigger. ER we got only 5 eggs, and only 3 were mature, but with the icsi, all 3 fertilized. i don't know yet what grade the embies were at transfer, but my doc said they were all "beautiful and strong, growing great!" we transferred all 3, never imagining we'd end up with nothing. :cry: it's so devastating...the whole process. and to come out of it with no frosties whatsoever...it has totally left me feeling completely defeated. 

to make it worse, we have to pay out of pocket for everything except testing/diagnostics. our doc thought we had a great prognosis going into this and felt we had a strong chance for success on our first cycle, so we decided to pay for only one cycle. i am regretting that more by the day. now we are in a place where i am not ready to give up! where i just feel like, how can THIS be the end??? and we don't have a way to pay for another full cycle, much less a shared risk or "guarantee" program without putting ourselves in financial risk. the cycle plus meds, plus copays for testing, etc etc cost us nearly $15K!!!! when I think we could have had two more fresh cycles for about 6K more (instead of now being in a position where we have to start over) i want to just scream and kick myself for it!!!! 

i'm so angry and hurt and depressed and upset and sad and just so many other emotions. sometimes i just burst into tears. other times i can't cry if i tried or wanted to. and i have SO MANY questions. our follow-up appointment (btw, i've seen on other boards this referred to as the "wtf" appt...I do rather like that name for it), is not until the 24th Oct. it feels forever away still, and i'm thinking of rescheduling as dh and i are talking about taking the kids down to disney for a weekend to get away and try to relax, and the weekend of the 24th would be the best one for us to do it. so i would have to reschedule our wtf appointment, which i'm somewhat reluctant to do. 

i believe i had a chemical, which alone is its own devastating feeling...to be so close. :cry: i had a bfn frer at 6dp3dt and a negative beta at 9dp3dt. not very early, but just possibly. my clinic didn't give me an hcg level so i don't know. but i wasn't bleeding so they told me to continue on the meds until the regular testing date. i didn't test at all again for a week. 7 days, during which i had what i think was a late implant and then chemical. at 19dpo, i took another frer. i chose not to do another beta b/c why pay another copay, be late for work, and wait 6 hours with through the roof anxiety?? anyway, the frer was bfn at 3 minutes, so i put it away and didn't look at it again until 3 days later...this past wed. there was a 2nd line, faint but defo there...even dh could see it clearly. i had already started af. it was like reliving the pain brand new all over again. i'm positive it's not an evap. i have NEVER had an evap on a frer before. i know some women say they have, but i think it is the rare exception to the rule. i think i caught it on the way back down and if i had tested in those 7 days i would have had a clear bfp. it just hurts so bad knowing it's gone. :cry:

i've always been a "clotter"...i told dh i want the doc to do immunity testing. i don't know if we'll find anything or if it will make a difference. i don't know if the doc will even agree. and i want to know why, if all my levels are "normal", why would i be a "low responder" to the stims and get only 3 mature eggs?? it makes no sense to me. i'm scared to death we won't be able to work out a way financially to try again. we're talking and trying to figure it out, but it seems like just a pipe dream doomed to failure at the moment. :cry: 

i'm sorry i've written a book here. there's just so much that needs to be gotten out. you ladies are an amazing group, and i admire your perseverance and determination. :hugs: i pray we all get our little miracles and blessings very soon. it has been encouraging to me to see that some have gone on to get a bfp. i pray that will be us too... :kiss:


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## Mokie

Help guys! Yesterday I had ER and 10 mature eggs were recovered .... ICSI was done even though my husband's sperm is fine.... Today dr said none of the eggs "took" and we see tomorrow if there is any late fertilization?!?!?! 


Can I be hopeful or is this over?!?! 
Every test I did was perfect.... This blows my mind with sadness!


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## ILuvBabies200

Mokie said:


> Help guys! Yesterday I had ER and 10 mature eggs were recovered .... ICSI was done even though my husband's sperm is fine.... Today dr said none of the eggs "took" and we see tomorrow if there is any late fertilization?!?!?!
> 
> 
> Can I be hopeful or is this over?!?!
> Every test I did was perfect.... This blows my mind with sadness!

Oh no!! I'm so sorry!!! :nope:


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## pk2of8

Mokie said:


> Help guys! Yesterday I had ER and 10 mature eggs were recovered .... ICSI was done even though my husband's sperm is fine.... Today dr said none of the eggs "took" and we see tomorrow if there is any late fertilization?!?!?!
> 
> 
> Can I be hopeful or is this over?!?!
> Every test I did was perfect.... This blows my mind with sadness!

I don't really know what to tell you sweetie. :hugs: I think it's impossible not to try to be hopeful when it's something we so desperately want. I wish I had an answer for you but sending you massive hugs :hugs:


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## Wallie

Mokie said:


> Help guys! Yesterday I had ER and 10 mature eggs were recovered .... ICSI was done even though my husband's sperm is fine.... Today dr said none of the eggs "took" and we see tomorrow if there is any late fertilization?!?!?!
> 
> 
> Can I be hopeful or is this over?!?!
> Every test I did was perfect.... This blows my mind with sadness!

I don't want to give you too much hope but my first round we did normal IVF as hubbys sperm was fine. Next day none had fertilised, it was so distressing. We got an emergency appt with consultant on the second day of EC and whilst travelling I phoned and the clinic told me one had fertilised. We got that transfered on day 2 when we got there. However it didn't work.

So, you may still get one that's fertilised, I hope so anyway.

Best of luck!
:hugs:


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## Wallie

Pk2of8, 

Thanks for posting although in these difficult circumstances I'm not sure I should be thanking you!

I can understand why you're so disappointed, so can everyone on this thread. Just try to get through each day and be thankful you have a wonderful considerate and caring husband and also be grateful that you have already got 4 LO's already. Also be thankful that you've had the "chance" to try to give your OH a child although it didn't work.

Take care of yourselves and a trip to Disney sounds just the ticket for the family, I know that would do me the world of good (at any time). Love, love, love Florida too, you're so lucky living in wonderful place.

:hugs:


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## Lou32

Hi everyone,
We got back off our hols last week and had our follow-up at Care the day after. Basically, they went through all the immune tests with us and we decided to go ahead and get the whole lot done. We weren't going to, because of the cost, but it worked at £2.5K in the end, which is less than I'd previously been quoted for level 1 and 2, so we just decided to go for it. As the doc explained, it's better to know before going through another £5K cycle that doesn't work. I really want to start our third try in January, so we might have to stick it on a credit card as we won't have saved enough by then.
Things are not good at the moment though...OH's job is not safe and he's been told he will find out around Christmas time if he's to be made redundant. That would seriously affect the finances and I've no idea how we would afford tht third ICSI then. 

One other thing the doc confirmed was that PCO can affect egg quality. The gynaecologists I've seen before have NEVER said this before and I can't understand why two docs have now told me this. It now feels like we're in an impossible situation and it will never work. It was bad enough knowing that just OH's sperm were crap.

Our hol was OK, but from the moment we arrived at the airport I knew I wasn't going to be able to leave all the upset behind. The place was full of couples with prams and so was our hotel. There were babies and toddlers everywhere. I honestly think we were the only couple under 40 that didn't have a baby - it was that bad. OH said that wasn't true and that there were a couple of others, but out of a whole hotel! It was heartbreaking. 
I just seem to be getting more and more depressed with each day. I'm terrified of what this is doing to us. 
Take care everyone xxx

PS - Lolly - really hope the stims are going well.


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## Lolly1985

Hi ladies

Lou - i'm sorry holiday was a bit upsetting. Eugh, I know what you mean. Babies and beautiful kiddies are everywhere! It can be heartbreaking. I was at uni on thursday and overheard 2 girls talking about why they had their babies. One said she did because it was the trend at the time and the other said it was becuase she couldn't afford to go on holiday that year so she thought it would be a cheaper way of having some fun :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad: Stupid ignorant people :nope: 

Glad to hear you have made a decision going forward for tests etc. I pray that hubbie gets good news with his job. Its such a hard time and always a worry in this climate. As if there isn't enough on your plate. Sweetie, we are here to talk any time. I was only thinking of you this morning and hoping you were feeling a bit better. :hugs: The positive is you have your plans now so you go girl :hugs:

Mokie, I am so so sorry you have going through this tough time :hugs: I really hope that you get a story like Wallie's and just maybe there may be some good news tomorrow. Thinking of you :hugs:

Pk2, sorry you have had to join us here :hugs: Its so awful when your dreams are taken away. DH sounds so great though. I know its hard but please try to stay strong for your family and be thankful for your darling children. Surround yourself with them and i'm sure they will put a smile back on your face.

Hi Wallie, and everyone else on this tough journey.

AFM... day 7 of stimms today. So far my bloods have been good. First scan tomorrow. Don't know how I feel about it. DP has admitted he doesn't think it will work either this time. I know that sounds terrible but in a weird way it makes me feel better as I now feel less pressured, and know he is not in total denial. I always was scared that if it didn't work and that was it, he would crumble as he has always been so positive. Today he said that he feels good that soon we can draw a line under all of this one way or another. Its a nice thought that we will go into the new year knowing what we are doing. It will work or it won't. He is looking more into adoption and sounding positive so I feel ok. Of course I would love love love it to work :cloud9:, but I have to be realistic. i think knowing that I will have my family one way or another helps me through this hard time.

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lou32

Oh Lolly, I really do hope it works for you. Your OH sounds strong like you. There's no way mine would look into adoption, or anything else for that matter, on his own - not that he's totally against it - but he just follows whatever I want to do. He says he just wants to make me happy and, if I didn't want kids at all, he probably wouldn't be bothered. He's already said that kids aren't everything to him, whereas they really are to me. 
I do sometimes wish my OH would have an opinion and pursue it like I do. It feels like I'm on my own and he's just following along...
Don't get me wrong, he's taking every supplement possible and has done everying I've asked of him, but he just seems to get on with life, whereas as I can't seem to.
Really do have everything crossed for you. x


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## Lolly1985

Thank you Lou

DH just wants to make you happy, It's the maternal instinct that makes our need so strong. DP is great but has taken a while to come on board, i'll be honest. He was so positive for so long, maybe a bit naive, like IVF was the 'miracle cure that couldn't fail'. They all just want us to be happy, and them in turn. Just different ways of dealing with things I guess :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## pk2of8

Thank you wallie...I LOVE living in FL too. I've lived here my whole life and nothing beats it imho. And Disney is my favey place in the whole world!! :winkwink: :hugs: and please don't misunderstand me...I am SO grateful for my children. I just can't explain it other than that if dh and I don't have a child together of our own, there will always be that gap there. A hole that never was filled and will always leave me with the feeling of sadness that there was this one miraculous part of life that we weren't blessed to have together...that being creating life together. 

Lou, I'm glad you decided to go ahead with the testing. I'm curious what you'll learn from it as I'm wondering if I have something going in with that myself. Does it take long to get the results back? It is hard to enjoy yourself when you feel like so much reminds you of the pain you're feeling. I'm sorry you weren't really able to enjoy your holiday that way :hugs: that sucks. 

Lolly, really I'm glad you ladies are here. How terrible does that sound?? But I mean it helps to know others understand. Again, please don't get me wrong...I am so thankful for my children. It's just not about having them or not having them but rather the desire to have a child with dh now. That our family doesn't feel complete right now. That our desire is to have a little one that is a part of both of us and the incredible pain of facing that that might not be possible. Well I know you girls understand that feeling. :hugs: it sounds like your stims are going great so far. I know you don't have any hope much to speak of for this cycle, but I'm praying you'll have your miracle one way or the other. What a relief that your dh has shared his feelings with you and relieved some of the pressure you feel!! maybe that's just what you needed! :hugs:


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## _Nell

Hi all, well after 2 IVF fails I too am contemplating immunes testing. I bought Dr berrs 'is your body baby friendly' and the flat answer seems to be 'no'. The issues of poor fertilization, poor embryo quality, unresponsive lining, an ivf chemical pg, POF, endo and raynauds disease - all of which I have! - are linked to immunes problems. urgh!

Unfortunately my clinic don't support it (they don't even do blood monitoring which i think i need!) and i'm a bit lost on where to start/ go. I put a new thread up but got no response. I know the ARGC do but I here they're crazy expensive and I just don't like the sound of them as a clinic tbh. I'm torn because I really don't want to wait and hang around testing, especially as if we find anything i'm not too sure i'm keen to go ahead with IVig (or whatever it is!) treatment, I really just want to get on with IVF 3. Is it wreckless from what i've written I have to just give it a bash and hope for the best?

Lou32 - I'm pleased you had a better consult with a clearer plan and can really relate to your feelings on holiday - me too. Can I ask what exactly does your £2.5k of immunes test for? I'm bamboozled by it all tbh, I don't think we have a Care clinic down south.

Lolly - I have everything crossed that this will be your BFP cycle. Cycle 3 for us is also our last, unfortunately my DH won't consider adoption though.


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## Lou32

Hi Nell - Just posted a huge post on your immune thread. I'm confused by it all too TBH.


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## babywishes83

Lolly1985 said:


> Hi ladies, I found this on another thread and thought it was lovely...
> What do I think is meant by my infertility?
> 
> I think it is so my partner and I grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think we are meant to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think it is meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think it is meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
> 
> No, it is not that we are never meant for to not have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less travelled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, I am meant to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let myself down.
> 
> Frankly, if the truth be known, I think I have been singled out for a special treatment. I think I am meant to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known.
> 
> While I would never choose infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me why I have been handed infertility. I already know."
> 
> Lolly xxxxxxx

Hi Lolly i'm new to this forum and have just read your post I also think this is lovely, I'm 28 and my dh is the same age. We have been trying for two years with no success we have just yesterday finished our first round of IVF/ICSI which resulted in a BFN.I have been so devastated. I tested last Friday with an EPT which resulted in a BFN and I just new from there it hadn't happened. I also had severe OHSS.

I should have mentioned we transferred 1 5day AAA blastocyst. (I just don't know what went wrong 

We were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. 

bye for now


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## pk2of8

Babywishes83, I'm so sorry you're havingto go through this. It is devastating. There really aren't words that can make it better. But we're here and we understand what you're going through, and we're here for you. Sending you lots of :hug:

Well I was able to get my WTF appt moved up...going tomorrow!! Dh and I have been talking a lot and I think we've worked out a plan to try again financially. God-willing it will all work out!! If not, then I'm going to be devastated all over again. :sad1: ugh. I hope everyone else has been doing well :hugs:


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## Lolly1985

So sorry Babywishes. It's the worst feeling in the world. All I can do is offer my sympathies and to say that we know how you are feeling, you are not alone. I know it doesn't make it any easier right now but talking to others who share your feelings can help sometimes. :hugs::hugs:

It must be extra hard having had such a perfect embie. I again share that, my last embie was perfect and it fills you with hope. especially when all the nurses are raving about how good it all is :cry: Why build up hopes to take them away. i almost wish I hadn't have known.

Unexplained must be hard. At least I knwo what i'm dealing with. I hope and pray that you find the strength to move forwards and try again. How are you feeling after the OHSS? I had it mildly last cyckle and felth pretty rubbish so you must really have suffered :hugs: I hope you are being kind to yourself :hugs:

Hi PK, Glad to hear you have a plan. When do you think you will be trying again? :hugs:

Hi Lou, how are you feeling hun? I saw your post about metformin on another thread. Just wanted to share that at my clinic that prescription is standard for people with PCO/S, I have 500mg twice daily. Push for it. Take care of yourself.

I have EC Friday, nearly 50 follies :wacko: Feeling pretty awful! I hope for some good eggs but from past experience many of my follies are empty :cry: I just don't know what to think, wish me luck. Triggering in 1hr 24mins... not that i'm counting :haha:

Love to everyone, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lou32

Good luck Lolly. God, I hate doing the trigger! I sit there staring at the clock until the time comes round. And you really don't know what you're going to get. One thing I learned from our second go was that each cycle is completely different. On my first they hardly got any eggs from one of my ovaries, but the second cycle they got loads from both. It's a lottery!
But blimey, 50 follicles is a lot! You must be feeling pretty bloated.

And re Metformin - yup, will be pushing big time for it. It seems like all ladies with PCO are given it, so pretty confused as to why I haven't.

Good luck for Friday!!!!

Babywishes - I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN. Unfortunately, we all know how it feels on here. It's upsetting, painful and it takes time to move on. Certainly after the first BFN everyone says that was the practice run, so fingers crossed you'll get lucky your second go. Agree with Lolly though that unexplained must be hard. I don't buy it when doctors say that - it's just that they haven't found the cause yet and hopefully they will have learned things from your cycle to help with the next. After my first BFN I just focused on getting healthier and more prepared for my second. Take care x


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## Lou32

Well, we've been to Care this aft for our bloods taking for the immune tests and OH's sperm DNA test. They took 17 vials of blood from me!!! (and £2.5k unfortunately).I felt OK after, just a bit tired. Poor OH had to lay down for his _four _vials taking. Honestly....
Anyway, turns out Mr Patel, the immune doc, is on long term sick until after Christmas so we'll have to have the follow-up with a different consultant. Knocked me a bit as I wanted it with him. Fingers crossed they're all as good as each other.
Hope everyone doing well.
Lolly - not heard from you in a while but I'm thinking you must be on the 2WW now? Really hoping everything's going well for you. 
Hi to everyone else and please God let us all graduate from this thread soon!!!!!!


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## Lolly1985

Hi Lou :hugs:

17?!!! :wacko: Crikey!! You must have been there a while! Poor DH :haha: God, don't they know how easy they really have it?!!

I'm sorry to hear that you won't get to see your preferred doc, but sure that you will get someone equally as :thumbup: I also hope that they actually find something. While I don't wish you ill health at all sometimes a reason (and a solution that will fix things) can be a very positive step forward.

Yep, 2ww has begun, again :wacko: 2 embies transferred today on day 3. Sadly no frosties, we seem to have a tendency for fast growing embryos, which my clinic see as 'abnormal' so many discarded today :cry: I hear ya sister :haha: We need to start our success thread!! Please god, let my twinnies stick [-o&lt;[-o&lt;

Love Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxx :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## pk2of8

Lou I can relate hun!! I had my followup appt with my RE last week. I can't remember if I told you girls we were able to get it moved up. I talked to the doc about the immunity testing and he agreed to it. I just went this afternoon to the lab...21 vials they took!!!!! And my dh is like yours...gets all faint over just a couple, so it's good he wasn't there! Lol. :haha: it is nice to feel like you're getting things moving in the right direction though (we hope) , isn't it? :hugs:

Lolly, I'm praying your little embies stick like glue sweetie!! :hugs: 

I had a GREAT followup appt with my RE. Got tons of info and decided we will cycle again in Jan. I've just started a new journal and I'm going to post the info there, but I can copy it here too if you girls would prefer that. :flower: (it's not in my journal yet)


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## KittyCat82

Babywishes-we are also unexplained. First failed IVF in Sep. Still pretty gutted. Time does help though. I just panic that if they dont know what is wrong how can they fix it? I know its better that we havent found something seriously wrong and our chances are still pretty good.

We were told only to consider further testing after 2 failed as it is still quite cutting edge etc and the cost just doesnt justify it right now. We are told to take the attitude that it was just unlucky the first time.

I am fed up of being unlucky!! x


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## Lou32

Hi KittyCat - Sorry to hear about your BFN. I'm inclined to agree that the first go is difficult to predict, so you're proabably best seeing how your second cycle goes before you think about testing. I know some ladies wait until their third, but the uncertainty is driving me mad. 
Rang today to try and switch our follow-up to a different consultant, one who specialises in PCO or MF, but they're both booked up til after Christmas. Not happy about that. Think I might have to keep trying for a cancellation. I really like Care, but I'm a bit annoyed by how difficult it is to get an appointment, esp considering how much we're paying out for these tests...


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## angiemon

Hi Girls,
I haven't been on here for a while but i have been browsing and just wanted to say hello :thumbup:
Lou - how are you? Sorry things haven't gone well, it sucks doesn't it. I'm sorry your holiday was affected by your mood, I know what you mean, its so difficult to not think about it when there are families everywhere. We went away too and there was a pregnant couple with her lovely bump in her bikini, i didnt even mention it to dp but it upset me everytime i saw her. I felt really bad, I didn't even know her..not to mention all the little toddlers around. I drunk to try and forget but then felt bad because i shouldn't be drinking so close to treatment!!! Anyway one day we will be on holidays with our babies and then this will all be forgotten!!!


Have you had any joy with immunes? I did ask in my follow up but my fs didn't seem to think there was any point but she also said that our pct doesn;t support it so they can't recommend anything our pct doesn't pay for, even if we want to pay the extra bits ourselves :wacko: so its kind of made me think that we may have got second rate treatment according to what our pct pays for!!! Well we've got 2 frozen embies left and if that doesn't work, then we will be going private. Was going to wait for our next cycle but now im due on, I think we will try straightaway. Its been 3 months since our fresh so we're going to be on the train again soon!!!! At least the frozen cycle isn't as bad although the 2ww is awful no matter what way you look at it...

Lolly - how are you? I have been looking for you on some forums to see how your cycle is going? I so hope this is it for you and you won't be posting anything on this thread again. Im really praying for you xxxxx

Hi to all the other ladies, sorry that you have had to post on this thread but I hope you have had some support from it and it has helped you get through these s**t times, knowing that we are not alone because I know how lonely it feels. Big :hugs: to all of you brave, brave ladies 

love ange
xxxx


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## Ann27

Hello all! I've not been here for a few weeks. I had to withdraw myself from the world for a little while as I was so maddeningly angry and devastatingly sad all the time. Having to come to terms with involuntary childlessness is the hardest thing I've ever had to do... However, it's been "good" (although that's probably not the best word) to read through this thread again and just knowing that all of us are not alone in this awful situation.

I empathised particularly with some of Lolly's and Lou's posts. And I am curious to find out about all this testing that seems to be on offer at some clinics. We were never advised on any of this and I feel again - as I have done so often during this process - that I am having to find out a lot of this by myself rather than getting competent doctors' advice. Immune and DNA compatibility tests...?! I have come to the point that I would actually simply like to know WHY all of this is happening (or rather NOT happening as the case may be). For example, I know that I am rhesus negative and we think (!) that my partner is positive, so after my first miscarriage I was given a double D injection and I can't help wondering whether that has somehow had some adverse effect. I guess I'll never know...

In any case, we very much feel like we've come to the end of the line - in terms of age and finances (just can't afford the 4k+ for any more treatment as we only get one IVF cycle on NHS in our area). We started to research adoption 2 years ago and will now pursue this route. It is indeed very scary in a lot of ways but I do think it could turn out to be the most rewarding thing we'll ever have done - provided we get through all THOSE hoops first of course. The most awful thought to me would be never to have a family at all and I'm glad that my partner agrees with me. I don't know what I would do if we had completely opposing ideas about this. That must be so hard. Nevertheless, I do feel that partners sometimes agree to things in order to make us happy. Unfortunately - or maybe luckily - there is a big difference in how men and women feel about and handle these things.

Hm. Sorry, didn't intend to post another book on here. 

All the best to all of you and good luck to Lolly in particular!
X


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## Lolly1985

Hi ladies

Ann and Angie, nice, but not nice to see you back if you know what I mean :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Angie, i'm glad to hear that you have 2 lovely frosties waiting for you. Have you ever had FET before. I hope that as your body doesn't have to go through the same process that it will be stronger and you get a good result this time [-o&lt;

I'm really sorry about the holiday, I would have felt just the same. I know its on hols but its almost like flaunting it in your face :nope:

Do you think you would ever look into immunes? People have asked me but I just don't know, there is so much out there I wouldn't know where to start. This journey is so hard, I want to get off!! 

I hope that you are recovering well after your sadly failed cycle, and understand the need to press forward. Its so much better knowing you are being proactive.

Anne, your post choked me up. I'm so sorry that you have come to the end of your TTC journey. But you are starting a new one, and i'm sure that it is on this path that you will find your dream :hugs: I may be following you soon if this cycle doesn't work so it will be nice to have a buddy :hugs: As with you my clinic has never discussed other tests. It is only from here that I know what I do. They always just said that it was sadly one of those things. I often wonder if I was a private healthcare patient whether it would be different :shrug: So happy to hear DH is on board, you are very lucky as I know some of the girls partners struggle, and to be honest for a long time my DP did with the whole 'adoption' chat. thank goodness he came round. 

Well I am 8dp3dt and I have never got this far without bleeding before so I am thankful that my body is trying. I don't want false hope though so am trying to be realistic. Each trip to the bathroom I am expecting blood, to be honest I'm going slightly crazy with it :wacko: I have had some af cramps on and off and again have heard that this can be both a good and bad sign :nope: I guess what will be will be. I still can't ever imagine this ending with a positive result. I think I have protected myself so much over the years that its just not an option in my head :nope: But at the same time I would love it to be.

Lou, how are you sweetie? Ok I hope. Hi to everyone and know that none of you are alone on this journey :hugs:

Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Ann27

I keep all my fingers crossed for you, Lolly! I know exactly what you mean with the bathroom runs - dreading to go, yet hoping every time... I'm sure it doesn't help that it's so hard to relax. So, do look after yourself and try to enjoy whatever else is going on in your life!
Hugs & kisses


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## Lou32

Lolly - So glad you're still hanging in there! I know how torturous it is, but I'm so hopeful for you that you've gone further than before.
Angie - We're waiting for our immune results now. They cost us £2.5K in total. We don't have that money, but I know I'd go out of my mind if we didn't do it as I need to know we've left every stone unturned. OH is facing possible redundancy at the moment, which is awful, as I've no idea how we would afford our next IVF. I'm just praying all goes OK.
Love to everyone and good luck with your treatments. 
xxx


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## Wallie

Good luck Lolly!

Hi to everyone else :hugs:


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## Springflower

Hi Ladies

I hope you dont mind me posting here. I used to post ages ago but got out the habit. I've had 3 failed cycles (and a half if you count one which I cancelled due to poor response). I just wanted to say that if you think there is something else wrong, go with your gut. I knew something wasnt right after my 2nd cycled but my clinic kept insisting that it was bad luck. I ended up having a 3rd cycle and then thought enough was enough. My clinic were pushing me to continue. In the back of my mind I'd always been worried about immunes so had started to look into that. I'd mentioned it to the clinic but they werent really interested. To keep me quiet they gave me lose dose immune meds, of course they didnt work. I went ahead found a different clinic and had pretty much every immune test out there. I had huge problems and was never going to get pregnant naturally or with ivf. My next cycle (not counting the one I cancelled with poor response) I feel pregnant with twins. Of course this could just be a fluke and I know many people dont believe in immunes.

Anyway I had got to the point where I wanted answers. I dont want to come across as pushing for immunes, it's not for most ppl, but I just wanted to say if you feel something isnt right etc look into it a bit more. You know your body much more than the dr's. Please dont be afraid to do that. 

Good luck ladies, you are all so determined I know you will get there:hugs:


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## Lolly1985

Hello ladies :hugs:

I want to thank you all for your lovely wishes and for thinking of me. Still hanging in there but taking it one day at a time.

Lou, I hope that you are not kept waiting too much longer. Have you any idea of when they may come in? I think you have done the right thing for you, like you say, you would have gone mad thinking what if and not following you heart. I hope that something does actually show up, but nothing serious, something that may give you answers and can be sorted for your next cycle. All my love.

Ann and Wallie, I hope you are both soldering on,and we always do. Thank you again for your well wishes :hugs::hugs:

Sopringflower, thank you for sharing your story. Its so lovely that you got your happy ending and I wish you all the best for you and your twinnies :cloud9:


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## Azreal

Hello to all
Haven't posted for awhile but have been keeping track of what has been going on and have kept my fingers crossed for Lolly.
We're having our 5th and probably final IVF in December so just waiting for the days to pass until that happens - which is why I haven't posted in some time.
Hope you are all taking care of yourselves xxx


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## SarahAK

Hello ladies,

I'm new to this forum. I'd start by saying I'm sorry for those who have gotten their BFN's :hugs:, we should never lose hope. I just read in another forum something a very brave lady said that each BFN she gets makes her think she's a month closer to her BFP. I loved her frame of mind and promised myself this is how I will think from now on.

Congratulations to those who are hopeful and got their BFP's! :happydance:

My second IUI cycle is going to start today, with Menogon injections for ovarian stimulation. I had 6 follicles the last time and I have no idea what went wrong, did none of them get fertilised, or did none of them implant. Everything seemed perfect.. I'm very nervous this time around. My ovaries aren't very strong and my egg reserve isn't all that good either. Let's see what luck has in store for me..

Lots of baby dust, good wishes and prayers for everyone!


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## Lolly1985

Hi my lovely ladies.

Well sadly it was a bfn from me. Have started the horrible AF now (just to add insult to injury). I was very upset Saturday night, which is strange because deep down I always knew. I think it was the false hope it had given me. I didnt imagine the cramps and the fact the bleeding stayed away so long. Horrible progesterone!! So adoption is now our dream and I guess it was always meant to be this way.

So we are going to adopt and are going to an information evening a week Thursday. We are both excited, and kinda wanna get things moving asap. Dont think thatll be possible though and there needs to be a grieving period in between failed treatment and starting the process so more waiting! But means we can hopefully have a great Christmas, take time together and then start the process next year sometime. So a long road ahead but I am excited, and always knew deep down that this was the path we would end up taking. We are thinking maybe to adopt overseas so we get a younger child. It costs then as you pay for translating documents, legal fees etc, but our families have said they will help us. Lots to think about but a positive step as at least we know there is a definite plan, and not a lot of maybes. We also are going to get married. Its not the huge romance but it makes sense in every way. Love, a commitment, people can see we are a stable unit and I think it can mean more when going down this route. Maybe its wrong to get married as it makes sense but we were always going to, it just makes the reasons even more valid. We thought we would ask for money as a wedding present to help us complete our family  pull at a few heart strings, well make a fortune!!!

I know that I will no doubt be sad again, its all still sinking in. But I will be a mum, its just not the normal way. But then none of this is normal. And as long as I can hold a child in my arms I know I will be fine. Whether its biologically mine or not isnt a huge thing to me to be honest. I have looked after so many children over the years and have created amazing bonds. And these were children I saw a few times a week. This would be always as they will be our baby, and I know it will be just fine. I think the worst bit is the time as I am so impatient!! But I guess I am only 26, I just feel a lot older and I have been through a lot at a younger ages with all of this TTC. I know by 30, I will have a child, and hopefully a lot before then. DP is happy too which is a massive relief. He said now we know a massive weight has been lifted and he can just enjoy us again and stop worrying about treatment, health, appointments, side effects, heartache. Obviously the appointments side will start again but this is something definite, so somehow is different.

I want to thank you ladies for all your amazing support through my journey. You have been amazing.

Lou, I need to to prove that third time can be lucky, ok! I know how much you need this, and you deserve to have your happy ending. Keep fighting for what you believe in and I pray that you get some answers to what has been going wrong. You are a very brave lady, and have been a true support to me. Thank you so much.

Angie, you have been amazing to me and I cant thank you enough. You are an inspiration and I hope that your little frosties are soon all nice and warm in you and getting ready for the long haul! You are so strong and I want this for you, and all of the ladies, so so badly! Keep positive and believe that you will make it this time.

Azreal,thank you for all your wonderful support. I truely have been so lucky with all of you girls. I pray that everything works out for you, we all deserve our dreams to come true. Wishing you all the very best for your journey.

Ann, so here I am, in the same boat as you. I know it is probably not the path we had thought we would walk down one day, but it is a path to happiness. I know the children we will have will not be biologically ours, but as soon as we hold them and look into their eyes and hurt will melt away, our babies will be home. We can do this and when we get our family we will be so happy to have been blessed with such heartache as it will ultimately bring us our happiness.

Nell, I am rooting for you all the way. Just like I have said to Lou, you go girl and show me that third time can be a charm! You deserve your forever baby and I am praying that this time you will get your greatest wish. All my love to you.

Sunshine, thank you for your lovely support along the way, especially during the 2ww, horrible thing that it was! I hope that your follie continue to grow and you get some fab eggs! I want one of those eggs to be your forever baby. You have been through tough times and deserve this so much. Stay strong and take good care of yourself ok hun. All my love.

Wallie, again third time must be a charm ok! You can do it lovely! Well done for trying again, I know it is not an easy thing to do, I admire everyones courage and determination for their dream so much. I am rooting for you all the way and believe that you will get your dream.

Ladies, you are all amazing, special people. I could not have done this, and come out of the other side so positively without the support of each and every one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I dont know if I will be back or not. I dont know how I will manage without you!! I just worry that I will not be able to get true closure if I do. Its all a bit jumbled in my head at the moment to be honest. But what I do know is please do not be sad for me. I am a peace with what had happened, and know clearly now where I need to go. 

I hope that all of your dreams come true,

All my love, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## mrssunshine78

lolly, i'm so sorry for you hun, i honestly thought that this time was going to be your time, i've been checking the last couple of days to see if you'd been on. Sending huge :hugs: your way. 

i'm glad you've got a plan, hopefully it wont take too long for you to have your baby in your arms. Maybe them supposedly relaxing the adoption rules and regs will make this sooner for you rather than later.

you sound like such a strong person and i really wish you all the luck in the world :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jappygirl76

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this thread, but I am feeling a bit hopeless, so I was hoping to get some encouraging feedback to try and get my PMA back.

Just a little about myself and DH, we have been trying since July 2009. We did 2 cycles of IUI, both ending in BFN. Finally we decided to bring out the big guns and try IVF. We attempted our first round of IVF in June 2011. We had 2 embryos/day 6 blasotcysts transferred and AF showed up only 6 days after transfer. Unfortunately, there were no embryos that made it to the freezing stage, so we decided to wait until after our wedding to try IVF again.

We are now 11 days away from our wedding and I am starting to get anxious about our next IVF cycle, but at the same time this is our last try that we can afford, so my mind and nerves are starting to get a life of their own and making me a bit nuts.

I was hoping that the wonderful people who are reading this, will possible have some words of wisdom and maybe some advise for how to get through this.

I look forward to reading all replies, and thank you to everyone in advance for their caring words. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SarahAK

jappygirl76 said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> I am new to this thread, but I am feeling a bit hopeless, so I was hoping to get some encouraging feedback to try and get my PMA back.
> 
> Just a little about myself and DH, we have been trying since July 2009. We did 2 cycles of IUI, both ending in BFN. Finally we decided to bring out the big guns and try IVF. We attempted our first round of IVF in June 2011. We had 2 embryos/day 6 blasotcysts transferred and AF showed up only 6 days after transfer. Unfortunately, there were no embryos that made it to the freezing stage, so we decided to wait until after our wedding to try IVF again.
> 
> We are now 11 days away from our wedding and I am starting to get anxious about our next IVF cycle, but at the same time this is our last try that we can afford, so my mind and nerves are starting to get a life of their own and making me a bit nuts.
> 
> I was hoping that the wonderful people who are reading this, will possible have some words of wisdom and maybe some advise for how to get through this.
> 
> I look forward to reading all replies, and thank you to everyone in advance for their caring words. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

:hugs: jappygirl, firstly woohoo for the upcoming wedding! :happydance: 

Secondly, I understand how you feel hun. Especially the financial aspect of it all. One feels nervous because of the feeling that it all depends largely on your resources.

I've heard from MANY people that the success rate with IUI increases with every cycle, for at least a couple of cycles. Maybe I've been reading that because I myself have started IUI recently, or maybe there is some truth to it (this is what I strongly want to believe because we cannot afford IVF and right now we can't even afford a third cycle of IUI).

At my gynaecologist/RE's clinic I met another patient when I was getting my first IUI done last month. She had had two failed IUI's and one failed IVF and she conceived on her second try, so maybe the same is going to happen with you! 

Are you taking any medications to assist pregnancy/fertility? Such as baby aspirin, prenatal vitamins, green tea etc? Try those and try not to let yourself worry too much. And remember, no try is the last try until the docs say there's no hope left. You can always save up for another cycle, but with every cycle believe and think that this is the one!

After the last month's failed cycle, we didn't have any money even for this second cycle of IUI, I sold some stuff and started the second cycle, today is my CD 5 and is going to be day 3 of inj Menogon (my ovaries only respond to injections, that is what makes my treatments very costly) and I'm staying very much positive and keep telling myself that this cycle is going to be a success :) I'll be sending happy healthy and positive vibes your way as well! :hugs:


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## _Nell

Lolly :hugs: I know you said not to be sad for you and you do sound as balanced as anyone could ever hope to be where you are right now, but I am so sad that you didn't get your BFP. After all the effort and emotion in your journey you really deserved it. 

It's heartwarming to read how you feel about adoption, it's very much how i feel too.....unfortunately my DH doesn't feel the same but I hope one day that will change.

There's lots of talk of cutting red tape and speeding up the adoption process so i hope you can benefit from that :flower:

Sending you lots of love, strength and good fortune for the future
xx


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## angiemon

Lolly1985 said:


> Hi my lovely ladies.
> 
> Well sadly it was a bfn from me. Have started the horrible AF now (just to add insult to injury). I was very upset Saturday night, which is strange because deep down I always knew. I think it was the false hope it had given me. I didnt imagine the cramps and the fact the bleeding stayed away so long. Horrible progesterone!! So adoption is now our dream and I guess it was always meant to be this way.
> 
> So we are going to adopt and are going to an information evening a week Thursday. We are both excited, and kinda wanna get things moving asap. Dont think thatll be possible though and there needs to be a grieving period in between failed treatment and starting the process so more waiting! But means we can hopefully have a great Christmas, take time together and then start the process next year sometime. So a long road ahead but I am excited, and always knew deep down that this was the path we would end up taking. We are thinking maybe to adopt overseas so we get a younger child. It costs then as you pay for translating documents, legal fees etc, but our families have said they will help us. Lots to think about but a positive step as at least we know there is a definite plan, and not a lot of maybes. We also are going to get married. Its not the huge romance but it makes sense in every way. Love, a commitment, people can see we are a stable unit and I think it can mean more when going down this route. Maybe its wrong to get married as it makes sense but we were always going to, it just makes the reasons even more valid. We thought we would ask for money as a wedding present to help us complete our family  pull at a few heart strings, well make a fortune!!!
> 
> I know that I will no doubt be sad again, its all still sinking in. But I will be a mum, its just not the normal way. But then none of this is normal. And as long as I can hold a child in my arms I know I will be fine. Whether its biologically mine or not isnt a huge thing to me to be honest. I have looked after so many children over the years and have created amazing bonds. And these were children I saw a few times a week. This would be always as they will be our baby, and I know it will be just fine. I think the worst bit is the time as I am so impatient!! But I guess I am only 26, I just feel a lot older and I have been through a lot at a younger ages with all of this TTC. I know by 30, I will have a child, and hopefully a lot before then. DP is happy too which is a massive relief. He said now we know a massive weight has been lifted and he can just enjoy us again and stop worrying about treatment, health, appointments, side effects, heartache. Obviously the appointments side will start again but this is something definite, so somehow is different.
> 
> I want to thank you ladies for all your amazing support through my journey. You have been amazing.
> 
> Lou, I need to to prove that third time can be lucky, ok! I know how much you need this, and you deserve to have your happy ending. Keep fighting for what you believe in and I pray that you get some answers to what has been going wrong. You are a very brave lady, and have been a true support to me. Thank you so much.
> 
> Angie, you have been amazing to me and I cant thank you enough. You are an inspiration and I hope that your little frosties are soon all nice and warm in you and getting ready for the long haul! You are so strong and I want this for you, and all of the ladies, so so badly! Keep positive and believe that you will make it this time.
> 
> Azreal,thank you for all your wonderful support. I truely have been so lucky with all of you girls. I pray that everything works out for you, we all deserve our dreams to come true. Wishing you all the very best for your journey.
> 
> Ann, so here I am, in the same boat as you. I know it is probably not the path we had thought we would walk down one day, but it is a path to happiness. I know the children we will have will not be biologically ours, but as soon as we hold them and look into their eyes and hurt will melt away, our babies will be home. We can do this and when we get our family we will be so happy to have been blessed with such heartache as it will ultimately bring us our happiness.
> 
> Nell, I am rooting for you all the way. Just like I have said to Lou, you go girl and show me that third time can be a charm! You deserve your forever baby and I am praying that this time you will get your greatest wish. All my love to you.
> 
> Sunshine, thank you for your lovely support along the way, especially during the 2ww, horrible thing that it was! I hope that your follie continue to grow and you get some fab eggs! I want one of those eggs to be your forever baby. You have been through tough times and deserve this so much. Stay strong and take good care of yourself ok hun. All my love.
> 
> Wallie, again third time must be a charm ok! You can do it lovely! Well done for trying again, I know it is not an easy thing to do, I admire everyones courage and determination for their dream so much. I am rooting for you all the way and believe that you will get your dream.
> 
> Ladies, you are all amazing, special people. I could not have done this, and come out of the other side so positively without the support of each and every one of you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I dont know if I will be back or not. I dont know how I will manage without you!! I just worry that I will not be able to get true closure if I do. Its all a bit jumbled in my head at the moment to be honest. But what I do know is please do not be sad for me. I am a peace with what had happened, and know clearly now where I need to go.
> 
> I hope that all of your dreams come true,
> 
> All my love, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Im really sorry Lolly, I really wanted this time to work for you but it is fantastic that you and your OH are thinking exactly the same way and so I will try not to be sad for you (although i had tears in my eyes when reading your post). I read it yesterday evening but to be honest did not know what to say....
You have been such a support to so many ladies on this forum, me included and you always sound like you have given so much thought to everybodys circumstances which is so hard going through this. It is difficult to not just think of yourself but you haven't, you've given everything and I know you are going to make such a brilliant mum and your future children will be so lucky to have you. They will have found the end of the rainbow and you will be their pot of gold!
Lolly, I hope you come back but I understand thats it difficult not to get wrapped up in Bnb so I completely know where your coming from if you decide not to.
I wish you all the happiness in the world and as Nell said hopefully you won't have to wait so long as the government make the changes they need to with the existing adoption process.
Lots and lots of love,
Angela :hugs:


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## Lou32

Hi Lolly, 
I know I PMd you the best of luck, but I just wanted to reiterate what Angie said above. You do go out of your way to really support everyone else and always have so many kind words of wisdom. I have no idea how you keep it all in your head as I struggle to keep up with what stage everyone's at! I'm going to really miss that.
As Angie said, I understand if you don't want to come back regularly, but I'd love you to keep in touch and I can't wait to hear the news that you've adopted a beautiful baby.
x


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## angiemon

I second that Lou xx


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## Helen76

Lolly,

I am so sorry to hear your news. I don't like to post on this thread too often because my signature isn't happy reading. Currently in the 2ww for cycle 4 and then this is it which is petrifying!

Like you we have also considered adoption and have been to an open evening. I think if this doesn't work we intend to have a long period of time out and take it from there.

I've been reading your story from afar and hadn't wanted to post in case I jinxed you, I thought the lack of spotting meant this would be your turn. So sorry that it gave you a false sense of hope, so annoying and unnecessarily cruel.

You have always been incredibly supportive to me in the past and if there is anything I can do to help now please let me know. I am thinking of you :hugs::hugs: You are an incredibly special person and you will be a fantastic mum.

H xx

To offer a bit of hope to people out there. This thread was set up by Inky and she gave birth to a baby girl on Sunday.


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## Deb111

Can I join girls? :cry:

Just had a :bfn: after a failed ICSI cycle as well as dealing with a hubby with azoospermia who needed a very detailed surgical sperm retrieval op. We had 2 grade 1 embryos transferred on day 5 - 1 blastocyst and 1 morula. Every step went better than we expected and then a :bfn: :nope:

We have 1 frozen blastocyst and a tiny amount of frozen sperm - and I mean TINY (as in about 30-35 sperm). Have a consultation booked with consultant on Tuesday to see where we go from here


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## Wallie

I'm really sorry Deb :hugs: It stinks how things don't work out as you hope.


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## lorri70

I just wanna wish u all the very best of luck in the world!!!!! I know how i.v.f can work,,or not!! I was really blessed as i say,,1st time was my only time,,6 eggs,,5 fertilised n only 2 were strong enuf to put back...Strong being the very word as i fell pregnant :) This was my 2nd child (conceived naturally with 1st daughter) and my chances were so low,but there ya go..Don't give up!!!! xxx


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## pk2of8

Lolly, I know I'm late with this, but I just wanted to send virtual :hugs: you are very strong and have so much to be proud of with what you've been through and the plans you're making for the future! I know that you will be blessed! I do believe that if we keep the faith and never lose sight of the goal that we will all reach the desires of our hearts! :hug:

Welcome to the new girls...although as we say, im sorry you had the experience to now find yourself posting here. Many many :hugs: to you. I know I haven't posted in a while...life has just been crazy and there hasn't been much to say. I'm still waiting for a new schedule from my ivf nurse. I had the bloodwork done for the immunity issues and my nurse said everything looked "normal". I want to know what that means. I'm just not convinced. It's such a tough place to be in. It's not that I want something "wrong" so much as I want to know why the ivf didn't work for us and be able to take steps to prevent it from happening again. Kwim?


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## Azreal

I've been away for a week so haven't had a chance to log onto the forum until now. Lolly - so sorry about your BFN. I agree with all the positive things the other girls have said about you and also thank you for your support and wisdom. Best of luck with the adoption - I hope one day you might come back to the forum just to let us know how you got on.
There seems to a lot of us asking 'WHY?' on this forum - and I'm definitely one of them. We've had numerous blood tests, scans, tried different medications/supplements, trawled the internet for any information, had acupuncture and still no results and still no answers. Sometimes I just want to scream 'WHAT THE HECK DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THIS WORK?!'
I'm glad I'm not the only one who 'knows' when a cycle hasn't worked even before AF arrives. I understand and appreciate other people trying to be positive but it hurts more than it helps. I don't think I can make people understand that I 'know' deep down that it's not going to work. MY DH certainly doesn't understand this knowing.
For those of you who don't know me - we are having our 5th IVF cycle in December. We're lucky enough in Australia that we get a lot of the fees back through our Medicare system. It breaks my heart when I read of all the girls who can only afford 1 or 2 cycles or the doctors won't order tests because they are too expensive. It is one of the most unfairest things in the world that we have to pay for something that so many get for free.
Our cycles have not been very successful and we've never had any embryos to freeze. Basically I have crappy eggs and am what they call a 'poor responder' to any of the medications. This doesn't sound very positive for anyone else reading this but I'm hoping that even in the face of all the negativity that you don't give up. I don't have any expectations of the next cycle working at all but it's still something I have to do. It's better than wondering 'what if?'
Keep looking after yourselves xxx


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## Lou32

Azreal, I just wanted to wish you luck for your cycle in December. My doc says luck is what it comes down to but I'm the same as you, desperate for answers. I really hope this is your time.x


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## Deb111

So we have our review appointment with the clinic tomorrow and have come up with some questions.
Just wondering if I've missed anything obvious that I should be asking?
Ta :thumbup:

ICSI Review / FET questions
What was the quality of the :
- eggs ? 
- sperm ? 
- embryos ? 
- uterus / lining? Is there anything we could do to improve lining?

From what we were told  eggs were good and all mature, sperm was good quality, embryos were best quality they could be so surely the issue just lies with implantation?

Ive read that the actual transfer / difficulty with transfer / spasms can affect the outcome?
The actual transfer was much more difficult for me than my mock transfer at MFS clinic and I was disappointed that the Dr who did my transfer was not aware of any mock transfer and said it wasnt in my notes and he knew nothing about it
Without criticising the Dr, I dont feel that he took my vaginismus into account at all and this meant the transfer was very uncomfortable for me. I appreciate he has a job to do and needs to get the embryos transferred, but is there any way to make this easier for me / less spasming next time?

Why do you think the cycle failed ?

Would it be worth considering assisted hatching? 

Can assisted hatching be done with FET? 

Would it be worth using steroids to help stop body rejecting embryo?

Would it be worth considering DHEA to help with eggs?

What, if anything, should we do differently the next time?

Are there any additional tests we should do  e.g. natural killer cells? 

How soon can we do FET / ICSI?

Would FET be medicated or non-medicated?

Is there any benefit in doing another fresh IVF cycle for me and using Terrys sperm to hopefully get some frozen embryos before AMH / follicles decrease any more?

Any benefit in acupuncture?


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## Wallie

I think that's a good list. Most things will be covered when you speak to the Consultant anyway, but it's good to have a list to make sure it's all covered.


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## Helen76

Well I'm back here again after a 4th failed attempt :cry:

This is the end of the road for me. I'm not emotionally strong enough to go through another cycle. I really admire you for your perserverance Azreal, I hope number 5 is the one for you.

I was reading Deb's questions which I think are all fine. My clinic said having top quality embryos and a smooth transfer give the best chance of success. I had both so why didn't this work?

SIL is pregnant after ICSI, not sure how we are going to cope with it but I think it will be hard especially as it will be the first (and probably only) grandchild on DH's side.

I've created a new post, specifically for people that are at the end of the road with the biological option. If there is anyone on here who is at that stage please feel free to come and join me. I hope that there aren't many and that you all get your happy endings.

Life is really unfair sometimes :cry:

H xx


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## Lou32

Helen I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. Life really isn't fair and I find it hard not to feel bitter about it. I've no idea how long we'll be able to go on for. I know we would struggle financially, and that's not even taking account of the unbearable emotional stress. I suppose we cling onto the hope the next go will be the one. I know we would go down the adoption route if we had to, but I imagine it must be heartbreaking to reach that place. It's hard enough thinking about it. Lolly was in the same position as you so maybe you could catch up with her when she next pops in?:hugs:


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## Lou32

Deb, I don't think you've missed anything there! Good luck with your follow up and let us know what your doc says. X


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## Helen76

Lou32 said:


> Helen I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. Life really isn't fair and I find it hard not to feel bitter about it. I've no idea how long we'll be able to go on for. I know we would struggle financially, and that's not even taking account of the unbearable emotional stress. I suppose we cling onto the hope the next go will be the one. I know we would go down the adoption route if we had to, but I imagine it must be heartbreaking to reach that place. It's hard enough thinking about it. Lolly was in the same position as you so maybe you could catch up with her when she next pops in?:hugs:

Thanks Lou, I would love to catch up with Lolly but I'm not sure she'll be back on here.


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## pk2of8

Deb, that looks like a great comprehensive list. :thumbup: if you go a few pages back...whoops never mind...I can't believe I forgot to post the results of my wtf appt here. Ok...here's a link to where I posted it on another thread with a lovely group of ladies that I started my ttc journey with here on bnb... I had some similar questions to you and I think you might get some similar answers as I did, so maybe this will give you an idea...
RESULTS FROM MY WTF APPT-it's the top post on that page and it's a LONG one. :dohh: I can't believe I forgot to post here about it. I haven't put it in my journal yet b/c I get a little OCD about doing things "in order" and I'm not to that point in my story. And life has just been crazy busy...anyway, I hope the info helps you deb. :hugs:

Helen, I'm so sorry to hear your last cycle didn't work :hugs::cry: I'm so terrified of this being the result when we try again, so I can only just imagine what you're feeling. I hope you can catch up with Lolly too :hugs:


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## dreamofabean

Well girls I'm here a lot sooner than I thought I'd be. Had short protocol this time (2nd cycle) and had ec yesterday. We got 5 eggs. None fertilised. Apparently my eggs had no resistance to the icsi injection. Clinic are calling back later to discuss some more.
I'm just devastated. £5000 for nothing.


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## Wallie

Oh fuck, I'm shocked Dream, I'm so sorry :hugs: 

Helen sorry to hear you're at that point of giving up. I fear I'll be the same in a few months after our third IVF round. It's so heartbreaking.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like if they were with someone else it would all happen naturally? I know it's bad to feel like this but WHY won't it just happen for me!?


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## Helen76

DOAB - I've posted in your journal, I am so so sorry :hugs:

Wallie - thanks. I'm in the reverse situation to you, all the problems are with me so I feel bad for hubby and think if he'd met someone else he might have been a father by now.

Either way it's sh*t and I guess none of this is anyone's fault but I feel like a childless freak. I find myself looking at people and hoping they don't have children too so I'm not the only one. For example I checked out Anita Dobson after watching her on Strictly, she doesn't have children. How sad am I??


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## Wallie

Yeah, everything comes back to children. Even today I was at a first aid course and the guy said you can't use the bandages for real now and just take them home for the kids to use bandaging up the dog or something. I was like oh fuck off I don't have kids...!!!


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## Helen76

ha ha your post made me smile even though I don't think that was the intention!

Maybe we should make that our slogan 'oh fuck off I don't have kids!':haha:

H xx


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## pk2of8

I can relate to that feeling wallie.... :sad1: my ex-husband was abusive. It seemed nothing prevented pg and it happened regardless of what we did to prevent or what I wanted. Now I have problems and my dh has problems. Now with my soulmate, the true love of my life, we may never get the experience. It's so depressing.


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## africaqueen

Hi ladies.

Dream-I am so sorry x

Just spent the evening in tears and now just had a giggle at the 'new title' haha.
Anyway a little about me...I am 30, dh is 31. We had 2 natural pregnancies last yr that both were ectopic and resulted in me losing our babies and both tubes so then IVF only option for us. It was OTD on 3rd Nov and i got a BFN and then AF.
We are devastated but it was not a great cycle at all. I had 4 follies and only 2 contained eggs at collection... one of which fertilised and was a 5 cell grade 4 embie that was transferred at day 2. We needed our miracle so bad as i lost my lovely mum to MND 3mths ago and we started the cycle a mth after my mum died and had prayed for some much needed joy but instead we are grieving the embie that could of been :-( we have a FU appt 15th Dec and as our clinic makes you wait till 3 bleeds we are hoping to start again in Feb next yr. It is our 2nd and last NHS cycle so praying it gives us our miracle baby.
I wish each an everyone of us the joy of a sticky BFP next yr xxx


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## Helen76

AQ what a sad story, I'm so sorry you have to join us here and for what you have had to go through with your Mum :hugs:

I hope you get some answers at your follow up. Many clinics view the first cycle as a trial so they should hopefully be able to make some changes to enable better results for you next time.

Thinking of you,
H xx


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## Lolly1985

Hello everone

Can I thank you all for your amazing words of support. Some have truely been the nicest words I have ever read and mean such a lot to me at what (as you know) is a very challenging time.

I'm so sorry to see new names here. As always we root for you girls and feel the pain all over again when it doesn't work out as it should. And special love to dream, that must be so so hard, i'm very sorry hunny :hugs:

Helen, I have posted on your other thread, I feel we now have a very similar outlook and hope that we can support one another through the next part of our journey. Although of course it is heartbreaking that this is a step we have had to make, I know we will get our happy endings one day :hugs:

Lou, have you had any luck getting your results back. The waiting must be agony for you. Wishing you all the best with them and hopefully some long awaited answers :hugs:

Azreal, thank you for your support, you are just a star, as are all you lovely ladies :hugs:

Angie, I hope that your FET went as well as can be expected. Eugh, the dreaded 2ww, its the worst. Lets hope it ends with the best possible news. Good luck sweetie :hugs: 

Have received my adoption pack through the post and spoke to a lovely woman. There is an open evening tomorrow but we have decided against going as we must have 6 months off anyway before we can officially fill out the first adoption forms. We feel going might just torture us and so are gearing up to go to the next one in the new year.

Love to all of you, it takes strong women to keep going, fight for what is right for you girls, and I hope we all get our families one way or another. Love always, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lou32

Dream - That's just awful. Do they think it's just a fluke? I can't imagine how upset you must be right now. The whole process is one hurdle after another and it must be just devastating to not even get to the 2ww.:hugs:

Africa - Again, I'm really sorry. Were you waiting a while for this round too? I seem to remember seeing you in one of the other threads a while back. You've had a terrible time of it and my heart goes out to you, especially after losing your mum. :hugs:

Lolly - Hi! So nice to hear from you. You are sounding more positive, despite having such a tough time. I really wish I could find the strength to have your positivity, I really do. We will get our immune results on 30 Feb. Not sure what to think really. I just hope everything comes back OK, but I have a feeling it won't. This sounds crazy, but when I had the bloods taken I had been itching like mad for a couple of days, which I think was a reaction to my flu jab. I can't help but think this will affect my results and I hope it doesn't give them a false reading. I really should stop worrying, I know.

Helen - OMG, I do the same. I do it ALL THE TIME, looking to see if someone has kids and if they don't it makes me feel better. I feel like an idiot for doing it, but have this strange compulsion. Another thing I find myself doing is finding out how old someone was when they had their kids. If someone was late 30s or 40s, it makes me feel better because I feel like I have time still...Crazy, I know.
I was quite enjoying watching the TV show on Sky called Mount Pleasant because all the couples in it were childless, and it made me feel so much better to watch telly and not be reminded that everyone else has kids and families and I don't. Then I found out that the actress who plays the lead role (can't remember her name, but she was in Corrie and she's in Loose Women now) actually has kids in real life and it spoilt it for me totally. In fact I saw her on Loose Women yesterday and she spent the whole time talking about her twins and I took a major disliking to her. Sometimes I think I'm losing my marbles. I know it's not hear fault, but she ruined my illusion that I wasn't a freak and that there are plenty of childless couples out there. Clearly it's not the case, as the show is pretend.
I feel like a freak every single day.I now don't have any friends at all without kids, so we're the token infertile, childless couple. 

Wallie - I often think that too. I feel terrible, because I want nothing more than to have kids with my OH and have a family with him, but then sometimes I upset myself thinking that I might never have kids of my own, and not because there's anything wrong with me. That's also when I start to get angry at the total lack of support and downright hurtful comments from MIL, as she has no idea what I might have to sacrifice. Sometimes I wonder if I actually can give kids up for him, which gets me even more upset.

Anyway, I had a totally shit day. Got a letter from my friend who lives abroad and is 20 weeks pregnant. The whole letter was about her pregnancy and how happy she is being pregnant. We both started TTC the same time and she now has a lovely little girl and is pregnant with her second. It was like someone was thumping me in the stomach repeatedly as I read the letter. Then she said she might visit in January. Now I don't see her very often, but I reeeeeally don't think I can cope with seeing her pregnant. I told OH how upset the letter made me and he just said, 'Oh, it's not her fault, she just doesn't understand'. I realise that (althougth she is aware of our situation), but it doesn't make it any more bearable.

Just feel so down about it all today. It really is a struggle carrying this awful infertility weight around, isn't it? We've now officially been TTC three years. 

Love to everyone and sorry I've droned on so long. xxx


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## Lolly1985

Oh Lou :nope: what a sh*tty day :hugs:

That letter would have killed me too. I know people don't realise and I guess its not their fault but doesn't make me want slap 'em anyways!! It feels like rubbing it in your face. I'm sorry that your friends all have babies, that must be very hard. I am kind of in the middle with my mates, some do some don't, but we are at the stage of every announcement either being a wedding or a baby. And its usually the latter. Every time my heart skips and I get that weird pins and needles adrenalin thingy, and am so so thrilled if its an engagement announcement. Its bad I know but its so hard to cope with isn't it :nope: I know DP doesn't understand and says we should focus on our life and not other peoples. But its different for guys, if a girl is pregnant and its your mate you have to not only physically face it, but hear about it non stop and deal with 101 scan pictures and status updates on facebook. I am currently convinced his cousin is pregnant as all her status updates are about feeling sick and its like she is looking for attention. She has a daughter and she talks about her 24/7 and when she went to school in september she was in tears for weeks, so it fits. I have no idea why I am obsessing but have already told DP if she is I am deleting her as a friend. I know that may sound awful but she posts 4-5 times a day and I just couldn't cope with that. It drives you crazy!!

I am also like you ladies! I read a magazine and when it says 'carole 39' and she has 2 kids I take their ages off and work out how old she was when she had them. I do it with everything and its so draining. Like you say, if she's older you can accept it more. I was on training yesterday and a lady next to me was talking about her two children, the whole 'I'm a mum and its the best job in the world' malarky :growlmad: She was asking if I have kids and when I said no she said 'never mind, you have time' :nope: 

I'm like you Helen, feel terribly guilty as all this is 'my fault'. I said to DP at one stage I wished he had crap sperm as then I could blame him too. He looked hurt but its awful thinking if he wasn't with me he could and probably would have his family by now. It can be a lot to cope with. But I guess we never know what happens after transfer :shrug: Maybe we are just not compatible that way :shrug:

Lou, end of feb is a long way off, sorry it takes such a long time for the results to come through :hugs: In a way at least if something shows up maybe you can understand why its not worked and maybe get some additional help :shrug: I of course don't wish you bad luck but sometimes 'unexplained' is just frustrating and I find if I don't know I struggle to deal with it. I hope the business of christmas makes time a little quicker for you :hugs:

Oh its just so hard sometimes xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Lolly1985

Also, I know this is predominantly a 'having a baby site', but all the images of smiling kiddies and nappy adverts popping up down the side of this section of the thread is starting to grate on me!!!!! :grr:


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## Lou32

Oops, I don't know why I put Feb. I meant to say 30 November. I think I need to go to sleep soon! So not long to go really. Feb would be a loooong wait!
And I agree about the ads!! I went onto one of the other threads earlier to post a bit of a rant, but another LTTC girl had posted on there how hurtful it was and had been shot down by women who had a string of toddler and baby scan photos along the bottom of their signatures. It just made me want to shut my computer down and not come back. 
Sorry, feeling v sorry for myself at the moment!


----------



## Wallie

Heh Iwas on a game thread called Take it or Leave it and I put BFP and the next person said leave it! How rude!


----------



## Helen76

Ha ha, I thought it was totally just me that worked out how old someone was when they had their kids and if they are older than me then I'm okay with it! Do you reckon if that person had twins then it might have been through IVF, I generally find that more acceptable too!! We are all crazy or maybe we're normal and everyone else is crazy :rofl:

I'm actually not sure how I'm going to cope with the fact that I now know I'll never get pregnant. I hope I don't end up old and bitter, well older and more bitter anyway!! Hardest thing for me is SIL is pregnant through her 4th ICSI and I'm still jealous, it's the first (and probably only)grandchild on DH's side. She's 20 weeks now and DH doesn't want to tell her our news until after Xmas because he wants her just to concentrate on her pregnancy. That's lovely of him but we're seeing them on Sunday and I'm not sure how I'll be with her at this stage.

Lou - I really feel for you with your friend. My ex best friend got in touch to tell me she was pregnant again, she suggested meeting up in the summer and I avoided it. I am a strong believer in self preservation (despite what I wrote above about my SIL) and I think if it's going to upset you then you shouldn't meet her, it's just not worth it. You might be okay in January though once you have your immune results through.

Lolly is back!! I think we've all been there when we get that sick feeling in our stomach when we expect the announcement and I'm avoiding FB at the moment because it's baby photo after baby photo on there and it's all a bit much. Off to respond to your other post now.

Hi to everyone else.

H xx


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## Helen76

Wallie said:


> Heh Iwas on a game thread called Take it or Leave it and I put BFP and the next person said leave it! How rude!

That is rude, can I take it please???


----------



## dreamofabean

Thanks girls :) I'm actually doing ok. They think it was the short protocol to blame as with long protocol we had 10 embies! We had appt with the clinic today and it was good for closure. Well try again but I want to wait a while.
Lolly as for the 6 month rule, I spoke to my authority about this at an open evening. They said from receiving our forms to a social worker meeting with us it'd be about 6 weeks so we could apply after 4 1/2 months. Worth keeping in mind. I found it very reassuring to know the facts and discuss it with the social worker. Were not ready to go down that avenue yet but it's good to know the facts x


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## africaqueen

Thanks for welcome ladies and Lou- Yes we waited a long time for the cycle :( i truly hope and pray we get some wonderful news next yr and our longed for babies xxx


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## Lou32

Oh, don't get me started on Facebook. In fact I log on when they send me an email threatening to close down my account, I check my alerts really quickly and then log off. If I could do it with my eyes closed so I didn't have to see the baby updates I would do. It's pathetic. OH says he doesn't understand - that there aren't any pregnancy/baby updates when he goes on Facebook. Well maybe that's because we don't have all the same friends duh! It would be a bit weird if he had as many thirty-something female friends like I do. Honestly...I've decided to switch allegiance to Twitter anyway. I can follow who I want. It's much better.

Talking of feeling bitter though, I've become incredibly bitter and I just don't know what I can do to stop it. I lost my temper at the TV this morning in front of OH, screaming at Mel C to f**ck off when she started going on about how being a mother had changed her blah blah. I feel awful. It's not her fault, but it just feels like it's rammed down your throat constantly. Even Tesco keep giving me money off vouchers for tampons at the till. Even Tesco's rubbing my flippin' nose in it!


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## Lou32

...and another thing! Why isn't there a little 'pissed off' face to put on your status?! I'm more pissed off than sad, but it's the closest I can find. 
I don't have PMT, honest.


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## Azreal

Hello to everyone

I'm with you Lou.... a pissed of little face would be most appropriate!

Lolly - still wishing you luck with the adoption process. Here in Australia it is almost impossible - there is some debate and awareness re adoption in Aust at the moment. All I'm hearing is that people are on waiting lists for up to 8 years, files get lost, case workers change and that people just give up waiting. Having just turned 41 I don't think we have that time but we might look at fostering at some stage (I don't have much hope for the next cycle).

Now trying to decide whether we are going to have our 5th IVF in Dec or wait until Jan. Because the clinic closes down for a short time over Xmas/NY I would have to go on the pill so that it can be regulated and ensure I get my period by the 2nd December (cut off date apparently)... it's not really a problem but just another thing to think of. Plus I have been taking DHEA to improve egg quality and number you're supposed to take it for at least 3 months - if we have IVF in Dec it would only just be on the 3 months. If we wait until Jan then it gives us another month for the DHEA to work its magic even more (I hope) but we have a lot of birthdays/weddings etc around that time. We live in the country and it all requires 5 hours driving to and from the city. I don't really care at this stage if we do wait until Jan but I really wish I knew which was the best month to do it in. I have until Monday to decide which is when the clinic is going to call back. :wacko:

Please keep looking after yourselves ladies - remember that whatever you are feeling - whether it be bitter, sad, fed up, pissed off or whatever - it's all completely normal and there are plenty of us who feel EXACTLY the same way. I felt so much relief when I found this thread and realised I wasn't the only one who had 'hidden' friends with babies/pregnancy on FB and didn't want to be around friends or family members who had just had a baby. I could also tell my DH that I wasn't crazy :winkwink:


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## Helen76

Ah Lou, I really feel for you. I didn't see the interview with Mel C but I did catch a bit of her singing and I did think to myself that all of the spice girls all have kids.

I guess, as you said, it's not their fault. We need to find some way of dealing with it becase its everywhere!!! Although I still haven't given up hope for you girls that are continuing treatment though, hopefully you'll be joining them very soon!

I'm on Twitter too and I like it for the reasons you describe. A couple of friends who have kids are on there but they never tweet about their kids, they save that for FB. My tweets are mainly about football related stuff, nothing exciting or thought provoking!

Finally, not wanting to encourage you but if you do want to get it out of your system there is an 'angry' mood on here.

Azreal - don't know what to advise you. I have always rushed things through so would have probably opted for the Dec but maybe it would be nice to get Xmas out of the way first? I think an extra month of DHEA would be good. Where do you buy it from?

H xx


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## Lou32

Thanks ladies. Sorry for yesterday's rant. I was having a bit of a bad day! Helen, I'm one for self preservation too. I try not to beat myself up about it but who am I kidding?! I feel bad all the time for avoiding people. I literally have no friends left who I see regularly. We have limited text and email contact now and they've just stopped inviting me to things. I know they feel awkward around me and embarrassed to talk about their babies, and I don't want to listen to it, so neither of us make an effort. Sorry, gone from pissed off to pathetic today!


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## Lolly1985

oh my god i am so glad im not the only bitter and twisted one!! (and why the hell shouldnt we be, hummphh!) I actually did the same thing and added up how many children the spice girls have between them and its 10 or 11 depending if emma b had her baby, who cares, or not! I just thought greedy b*tc*es!! Grrr!

Im at work now. Had a bit of a bad night last night, tears, arguemets with DP, then bad dreams. Came into work early and typed out a big message to post later but feeling quite a bit better. Will still probably post it though. I wish we lived close by and could meet up for no baby chats and lots of wine drinking!

Azreal, i cant believe the adoption system is so hard over there. I am studying international perspectives of childcare as one of my modules at uni and we are looking at australia now. I might raise this as it seems just so unfair. I of course really hope you get great results from your cycle but understand you are being realistic. I do admire how you keep going, i am too much of a coward and think sometimes maybe i have given up too easily? Its tough deciding which month is best, pros and cons to both, its the whole do whats right for you line, but lets face it, none of this is right.

Well girls im going to try and sign up to twitter this weekend as my tutor wants us to all follow her so she can tweet new government initiatives and crap! I havent got a clue!! 

Know im thinking of you all (and eating a giant flapjack!) Love Lolly x x x x x x x x x x


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## MySillyGirls

Hey, Lolly! I don't know if you remember me but we did IVF at the same time a few times last year. I see that you have started the process to adopt and wanted to let you know that it was one of the best experiences for us. We adopted our youngest daughter at 13 mos old from Ekaterinburg Russia in 2004 and she adds the color to our lives. My newest nephew just came home from St. Petersburg Russia at 18mos old and he is also so wonderful. I know adoption processes vary by country, but, please know there is so much hope. My hugs and best wishes to you, dear.


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## Lolly1985

MSG!! :hugs: Of course I remember you! how lovely to hear from you, and equally lovely of you to support my next steps! I often think of you and remember the beautiful picture you shared of your little girl. What you have done is now mirrored in my dreams and I hope that I can follow you in the adoption journey and find my family. Great to hear that you have a new addition to the family, congrats! How are you lovely? I see you have started a new thread so am about to go and read. Loads of love to you and your family, Lolly xxxxxxxxxx:hugs:


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## Helen76

I'm sorry that you've lost all your friends Lou, that must be really hard. I guess I'm fortunate in that I have 3 groups of friends and in each of the groups there is at least one other person that isn't a mum. In one group there is only one person who is a mum - that's my favourite group!

I agree Lolly it would be nice to meet up over a few glasses of wine if we lived closer! Where is everyone from? I live in the North East.

Sorry you've had an argument with your DP, hope it's sorted out now.

MSG - just seen your other post and have everything crossed for you.

Hope you all manage to have nice weekends.

H xx


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## MySillyGirls

Helen, thank you! Lolly, so great to hear from you too!! After my last BFN I had to just walk away from the board for awhile since our ivf funds were depleted and it seemed like little hope. I forgot how wonderful and supportive you ladies are. :) I am so happy to hear you are considering adoption. And, even though I know doors have to close, I am (at least today) proof that sometimes that door might open again a crack. 

Over the summer, we hosted a little orphan girl from Ukraine as part of an international orphan hosting program. She lived with us for 6 weeks. We considered adoption of her 
and her 5 yr old sister. But, we have just learned that they also have a 4 yr old brother, so that door has closed (although we will always have her in our heart and will keep in touch). So, that door closed for us. 

Hugs to you!!!


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## Lou32

MSG, that's such a lovely story! If we have to go down the adoption route I have to say I'd rather adopt from abroad. It must have been hard though? But v worth it. Lolly, so sorry to hear about your argument. I hope it's all over now and you've made up. It's so easy to say how tough this is on relationships, but you have no idea just how tough until you're living it. He sounds like he's been a great support to you though so I'm sure you'll both be fine. I'm in West Yorkshire btw, so not too far from north east Helen. Would be lovely for a few of us to meet.xxx


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## Lou32

MSG, your dog is sooo cute!


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## MySillyGirls

Hi, Lou! My furbaby, Honey Bear, is just the best pup and is the reason i am now awake at 5:42 in the a.m. on my 39th birthday. LOLL Well, at least dh is able to sleep. 

I have to say, having done both, I found IVF more difficult emotionally than adoption. Especially, adoption from abroad, since I knew how that was going to end once I signed with an agency. I never thought IVF would rock my world the way it did. I walked into it thinking, "oh yeah, i'll try it and if it doesn't work, i'll just move on." Boy, it sure doesn't work that way. I cried more in the last year of ivf than I ever did with the adoption. Of course, our adoption was 12.5 mos start to finish (my sister in law just brought home her 18 mos old from Russia 9 mos start to finish), so the timeframe was in our favor.


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## SarahAK

Hi Ladies, I had my second IUI done again this month. I got the HCG shot on the 10th. The RE called me on the 12th and 13th (day 2 and 3 after the HCG shot) for my IUI. I thought you're supposed to get IUI done on day 1 and day 2 after your HCG shot. I got that done last month but the IUI was unsuccessful...

What do you guys think are the chances of my IUI being successful? Do you think the IUI done on day 3 after HCG was of any use?


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## Wallie

If i remember correctly IUI is done around 35 to 42 hours after HCG shot.


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## Lolly1985

I'm in the north west, in Lancs, so we are not that far away from each other really!

Me and DP all good again now, you know how it goes, ups and downs :wacko: We went out last night with DPs sis and her hubby, and I got pretty drunk, had a bit of a dance and then back for singstar on playstation!! Was good, although SIL got quite drunk too and cornered DP to make sure he was alright with everything!! She went on and on at him, all sweet in a way but don't think he could be bothered with it all :dohh:

Have you guys had nice weekends? :hugs: Boo to the sunday night feeling :growlmad:


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## Lou32

Yup, I have that Sunday night feeling too! Not happy there's no Downton Abbey either to look forward to. It makes Sunday nights bearable!
I've been to the gym twice this weekend, so feeling pretty pleased with myself. Been going for over two months now and been on a low GI diet, but not lost any weight at all, which is sooo frustrating. In fact when I got weighed on the Wii Fit last week I'd put on 9lb over the past year (that's the last time we got the Wii Fit out!) OH had lost weight (typical, he wasn't even trying) and even the cat had lost 1lb! I don't understand how that's happened as he's been on steroids! Determined to lost a stone before the next IVF in Jan. I usually do fast uphill walking on the treadmill, so decided to step it up a gear and start running. Running's so much harder than it looks!
Anyway, just checked my email and I had a message on the dreaded Facebook so I went on. I went on one of my friends' pages (we've been good friends for years, she only lives a couple of miles away, but we hardly speak any more)...her page is just full of baby and toddler photos. Loads of posts from women I've never heard of and photos of her and her kids at various childrens' parties with her new friends. Just makes me so sad and empty. I don't know why I had to torture myself by looking.

Lolly - Sounds like you had a good night! Sundays are for hangovers anyway. Have you made any plans for your wedding yet?


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## Lolly1985

Oh Lou i'm sorry, you shouldn't torture yourself, but I know sometimes we just do it to ourselves and don't know why. Once I clicked on a friends page and she has message my ex who I was with for 6 years, congrats on the arrival of his baby. Took me a long while to get over that, which is stupid really.

Good for you with your health regime, and even if you are not losing weight (which is just so unfair), you will be getting a lot fitter. I know, DP won't go on wii fit anymore, it can just be mean and tells him off!! I took up the running on there and did my feet in with all the pounding on the wooden floor, so how you run uphill :wacko: Youch!!

Been very naughty and topped the weekend off with a KFC, perfect hangover stodge! Went for a walk with DP too, was nice. He held my hand all the way, and told me off for not sqeezing tight enough!!

No real wedding plans yet, don't wanna start booking stuff until I have the ring on my finger, a bit traditional like that!! But have it all in my head and we talk about it a lot. DP has a ring, so excited to see it, but is waitin for the right moment. He says he has a plan in his head but wants to wait until we are in a bit of a better place, so we can truely be happy for the engagement, and not treat it as a sticky plaster over a big crack. I think its for the best, if he gave it to me now I would be happy, then sad again about the failed cycles. I just want to be happy. Probably be early new year, and then the wedding planning starts!! :happydance:

Don't worry Lou, i'm a celebrity get me out of her starts tonight :haha:

:kiss:xxxxxxxxxx


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## Helen76

Maybe we should arrange a day trip in York???

Good on you for the exercise Lou and good on you for having a drunken Sat Lolly!

Been a hard weekend, seeing SIL wasn't too bad, I'd said I wasn't having a good day so wasn't up for seeing her 20 week scan picture and she said she understood. DH doesn't want to tell them we've failed yet.

I love Downton but I'm a Celeb will do as a replacement.

Hope we all have a good week ahead.

H xx


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## SarahAK

Wallie said:


> If i remember correctly IUI is done around 35 to 42 hours after HCG shot.

Thank you Wallie.. so do you think she kind of messed it all up? 

:cry::cry:


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## SarahAK

I have another question as well.. I'm sorry for TMI but when I went for my day 2 of IUI yesterday they asked me to empty my bladder before the procedure and when I did, there was suddenly copious CM, was greenish yellowish in colour.. what could that mean? I'm also taking progesterone suppositories (not pessaries). It hasn't happened after that..


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## SarahAK

Furthermore.. I had around 4 - 5 "good sized" follicles (not VERY good but just good.. around 16 - 17mm..) on one side and two smaller ones on the other side on the day of the HCG shot, i.e. the day after my last Menogon injection (150 units).

There are no issues with DH's sperm count.

Do you think there's a chance I could succeed this month? I've decided to test on the 28th, on my birthday. 14 dpiui would be on the 26th though..


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## Wallie

I'm sorry I'm no expert but what I can gather is that your doc is doing two inseminations, yeah with the one IUI?

Maybe it depends on the amount of HCG they give you when you ovulate but as I said above, I thought that was the norm.

I suppose we cannot tell if it will work until it will work, sorry to be blunt, we can only try. Sorry, I've been at this game for a while and I've hardly any emotions left. You just have to try and see if it works. Try and relax and don't stress too much, it'll only upset yourself.


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## SarahAK

I want to go to my mom's place during the TWW. It's like a 3 hour drive. Would it be safe?


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## Lou32

Sarah - with IVF they say to carry on as normal so it's probably the same with IUI. You should be fine to go. Had bit of a crappy night last night. Burst into tears after I smashed a glass and couldn't stop crying. I think OH was bit put out it was his beer festival glass but he wouldn't dare say anything about it! Didn't sleep v well so I took this aft of as flexi. Bit disappointed in myself though as I've cheated on my diet! Had a lovely choccie shortbread and a packet of mini cheddars. Trying to tell myself it's medicinal...Back to the gym tomorrow! Helen, it must have been hard seeing your SIL. At least you've got it over with now which must be bit of a relief. York is lovely and not far from me at all. xx


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## Lolly1985

Lou im sorry you got upset, sometimes its the little things that set it all off. And dont worry about breaking your diet, you need a pick me up every now and again. I hope you enjoyed it :hugs: nice to finish early, i have too. Have had a family visit today to a dad who doesnt believe in play. This poor little girl, her mum has special needs and her dad doesnt want her to have fun. She never went to nursery and now at school she has big problems as she has had no stimulation or experiences to learn. I tried to talk about how he can help and he just didnt want to know :cry: its just not fair :nope::nope:

Never been to york but have thought about going as its not far and quite quick by train! 

X x x x x x x X


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## Lou32

Hi just wondered how everyone is doing? Is exactly a week til we get our immune and sperm DNA test results. V v nervous.


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## Lolly1985

Hi Lou

Have been thinking of you now its drawing nearer to 30th :hugs: I really hope you get the news you are praying for, whether thats all clear or something shows that can be addressed. Not long now hun :hugs:

I'm doing ok thank you. Busy which I think is good and time ticks along quite quickly. April still seems an age away to get things moving. Think I may give it til February and try my luck :shrug: Fed up of waiting for my life to start :nope:

Hi Helen if you are reading. Sorry that I haven't been on the other thread, not much to report I guess. Hope you are coping ok? Would understand if you weren't though. Thinking of you sweetie :hugs:


----------



## _Nell

Hi all,

Today is my birthday (32) and what am I doing? I'm collecting my period in a cup to send it to Greece. Seriously, you couldn't make this sh*t up LOL.

A friend called with birthday wishes and in the space of that phone call I learned that she was thinking of baby no. 2 (her first is 1 year old, I was with her through first stage labour this time last year) and that two of our other friends are pregnant and due in April. Bleurgh, it's so hard, literally all my friends have got pg in 2010/11.
I say friends but really I've cut myself off seeing them lately, it's not that I don't wish them well but I just feel excluded from this chapter of their lives, DH says we'll get them back and have stuff in common again when their kids are teenagers. I guess need to make some more, new friends in the meantime.
I wish I hadn't had the news today tbh, I had been putting a positive spin on being child free on a birthday.

Lou, are you nervous the results will show something or that there'll be clear and still no answers? I'm not sure what I'm hoping for with my greek tests tbh. Whichever you wish for, I hope it works out for you. Will they not give you the results pre the consult so you can go armed with Q's?

Lolly, I hear you on the fed up on waiting to start life, we feel in limbo too (we'd been planning to move overseas but then infertility hit). There's no harm in trying your luck in February really is there?

Evie, how are you?


----------



## Wallie

Hi Ladies! and Nell I'm fine. AF has started properly with me today too. bleugh is how I feel to that.

I still log on and look on here daily but I've nothing to say really, just waiting really on IVF even though I can't be arsed with it all again. It's just so emotionally demanding after it fails although obviously I hope it doesn't fail but I can't help but think it will and then that's it, childless forever more.


----------



## Azreal

Wallie said:


> Hi Ladies! and Nell I'm fine. AF has started properly with me today too. bleugh is how I feel to that.
> 
> I still log on and look on here daily but I've nothing to say really, just waiting really on IVF even though I can't be arsed with it all again. It's just so emotionally demanding after it fails although obviously I hope it doesn't fail but I can't help but think it will and then that's it, childless forever more.

Hey all
Wallie, I'm exactly the same as you... just waiting, waiting... we were going to have another try in Dec but waiting until January now... I guess it will go quickly enough
Hope everyone is looking after themselves :flower:


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## Helen76

Hi,

Just popped on to say good luck to Lou for tomorrow.

Not been on here much, hubby has been trying to ban me from going on because it was upsetting me too much.

Don't really have much to report, no further forward as to what we do next. Saw a counsellor which helped and I'm just taking it day by day. On a positive note though one of my friends is adopting and just heard she's been matched with an 8 month old and 19 month old. If we were going to adopt that would be just the sort of ages I'd like. So pleased for her.

Hope you are all as well as can be expected :hugs::hugs:

H xx


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## Lou32

Hi everyone and thanks for your good luck messages. They wouldn't give us our results before the consult, which is crap. I suppose my biggest worry is not so much the immune stuff, but the sperm dna fragmentation test. If it's bad they could say OH's sperm will never work. What then? Do we give up or try donor sperm? I don't feel all that comfortable with DS, but can't contemplate this being the end either. Maybe i'm just ahead of myself but I can't stop thinking about it. We are also seriously struggling with money at the moment and I just hope they don't say I need lots of expensive medication and drips etc...Oh, I suppose I need to know so should stop moaning! To make matters worse my IC has flaired up bad and I feel like I need to pee all the time!! Helen, I'm glad the counsellor helped. Oh and Lolly, the PM thing was my fault! I'm on my fone at moment and tried to reply but somehow sent the message back duh! Hi to everyone and hope you're all keeping strong in this minefield of pregnancy announcements, esp at Christmas.xxx


----------



## angiemon

Hi girls, I had a positive on Friday but didn't want to post too much in the last cycle but found out it was a chemical today. Were totally heartbroken and I have to admit a bit drunk now too. I can't believe the jump from elation On friday to comPlete shit today.
Wallie and lou, I think your great and hope everything works out in jan and lou I hope your results help, I so want this to work for you and Helen I've followed you for a while now and I know youre thinking of adopting and I think that's brilliant. I just think its so not fair wHat were all going through. I think of you all so much and it's bizarre because we've never even met! Xx


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## angiemon

Sorry azreal I didn't mean tO miss you out. It must be unbelievably hard to have gone through ivf so much. I wish you sO much good luck in jan and I suggest a meet up in s. Australia for all of us  x


----------



## Wallie

I'm sorry Angie, must be awful for you getting a bfp and then it not sticking. Must be WAY harder than a bfn! :hugs:

What happens now for you, a new fresh cycle sometime?


----------



## Azreal

angiemon said:


> Sorry azreal I didn't mean tO miss you out. It must be unbelievably hard to have gone through ivf so much. I wish you sO much good luck in jan and I suggest a meet up in s. Australia for all of us  x

No problem at all Angiemon! So sorry to hear of the chemical. Such a seesaw of emotions! Thank you for the good luck wishes and YES if anyone ever visits Australia be sure to visit us here in good old South Australia - there's always a spare bed :flower:


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## _Nell

angiemon - I'm so sorry, I had a chemical with IVF2 and it really really hurt to see those 2 lines and be so close yet still so far ((hugs))

lou - good luck for today, I hope it's all good news.


----------



## angiemon

Wallie said:


> I'm sorry Angie, must be awful for you getting a bfp and then it not sticking. Must be WAY harder than a bfn! :hugs:
> 
> What happens now for you, a new fresh cycle sometime?

Hi Wallie,

Thanks I feel a lot better today but I think sometimes it hits you again in a few days. Probably still a bit numb. Its really hard but I suppose its further than I got before so I have to see the good in that too. I know it didnt stick properly but I did a few things differently. I ate the core of the pineapple for 5 days after ET and I downloaded meditations from a website called Circle and Bloom (its $50 but there is a new track for every other day and I think that really helped too. Just thought for your upcoming cycle, it might help. I also didnt come up baby and bump nearly as much as I have done in the past. 
I think we might look in too doing a fresh cycle in Mar/Apr and I want to try and get my OH to go snowboarding. We'll see.....


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## angiemon

Azreal said:


> angiemon said:
> 
> 
> Sorry azreal I didn't mean tO miss you out. It must be unbelievably hard to have gone through ivf so much. I wish you sO much good luck in jan and I suggest a meet up in s. Australia for all of us  x
> 
> No problem at all Angiemon! So sorry to hear of the chemical. Such a seesaw of emotions! Thank you for the good luck wishes and YES if anyone ever visits Australia be sure to visit us here in good old South Australia - there's always a spare bed :flower:Click to expand...

Thanks Azreal, I love Australia, travelled around there for a bit in my 20's and my OH's best mate lives in Sydney!
xx


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## angiemon

Azreal said:


> angiemon said:
> 
> 
> Sorry azreal I didn't mean tO miss you out. It must be unbelievably hard to have gone through ivf so much. I wish you sO much good luck in jan and I suggest a meet up in s. Australia for all of us  x
> 
> No problem at all Angiemon! So sorry to hear of the chemical. Such a seesaw of emotions! Thank you for the good luck wishes and YES if anyone ever visits Australia be sure to visit us here in good old South Australia - there's always a spare bed :flower:Click to expand...




_Nell said:


> angiemon - I'm so sorry, I had a chemical with IVF2 and it really really hurt to see those 2 lines and be so close yet still so far ((hugs))
> 
> lou - good luck for today, I hope it's all good news.

Thanks Nell, Im sorry that you had a chemical to, how many IVF's have you had? Haven't you got a lot of snowbabies now?

xxx


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## angiemon

Hi Lou,

I hope today has gone well xxx


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## _Nell

Angiemom - I've had 3 fresh cycles and got frosties on our 3rd, just not too sure of the quality yet (follow up appt. this week). My problem, or one of, seems to be my thin lining.

Take good care of yourself, like you I try to take comfort in the fact that I was 'close' and my Dr thought it was a good indicator that 'we'll get there'.


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## Lolly1985

Hello everyone

Angie sweetie, I am so so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs: Like Wallie said, that must be the hardest, having hope and then it is cruelly taken away :nope: Life is just not fair :nope: Bad things happen to good people :nope: I hope that you find comfort in loved ones at this time and know we are here, although sometimes BandB is the last thing you want. Thinking of you :hugs:

Lou, what a pain! How long do you think that'll be. Its mean building up to something and then being told to wait all over again :growlmad: Hope its not too long and it is positive news for you and DH :hugs: So hard to think all sorts but you can't plan until you know what you are dealing with. Stay strong :hugs:

Helen, nice to hear from you. I hope you are ok lovely, I think of you often. Lovely stroy about your friend. I hope that can be us soon. Nope, rephrase, it WILL be us :hugs: And then life will be perfect :hugs: 

Azreal, have you decided to wait until Jan then? Aus sounds like a great plan, when we going then ladies :haha:

Hi Wallie, how are you doing? Hope you are feeling ok about going again, we are all right behind you :hugs:

Nell, sorry you have also had sad news :hugs: Fingers crossed for some good frosties :hugs: How are you holding up lovely?

Well I am an idiot :dohh: Read a story in a school newletter (was where I used to work) about their two teddies that got married. Anyway there were two children at the school in foster care and they got adopted and moved away. So the school took on the story, to explain to the children, that the bears were going to adopt. They actually had a social worker come and assess the school and talk to the children. then they waited 2 weeks and sent an approval letter, then another two weeks and a little bear came. It said that her daddy went away and her mummy couldn't look after her so she came to her new family. I was blubbing like a trooper!!! If only it was so quick huh!

Also got a letter chasing me up for payment of meds for last cycle. I haven't paid as I am still very mad it didn't work and this is my small stupid way of punishing them :shrug: But then getting the letter reminds me all over again so I guess I will get DP to sort it. Can't face speaking to anyone even if it is only their finance dept.

Love to you all, Lolly xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Wallie

Lolly, I can imagine how you were upset about the Bear adoption story, it's just awful, anything can set you off really.

It's really nice you remember everyone, I certainly can't!

As for me I'm okay just now although worry and upset is starting to creep back in quietly. I'm just scared of what will happen or rather what will not happen. I just want this to work so much since it will probably be my last go. I worry too that I'm quite happy in my own little world just now and I know it's all going to be shaken up again and I don't really want that.

This weekend I'm getting a new car! I'm so excited as it's been over 6 years since I had one. OH has decided WTF lets live life and stop putting things like this on hold. We have to just get on with things and that's what our therapist said too. So I'm pleased but I got a three door car in the hope that I'll need to change it in about a years time!

Anyway, hope all are doing okay? Remember and keep us all updated on how you're all doing, it's nice to hear from you all. :hugs:


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## Lou32

Hi everyone,
I'm so sorry to hear your news Angie. When I read the line that you'd got a BFP I was so happy for you, and I can't believe it was so cruel to end. It's just not fair. I can't put it any plainer than that.
As for me - our results were not good. My worst fear was realised, as the sperm DNA fragmentation came back at 70%. According to the masses of information online, anything above 30% is seriously bad. The doctor said OH could either go on a high antioxidant regime and retest before our next go, they could try surgically removing the sperm (as there's some research to suggest it might improve things) or we could use donor sperm. OH is understandably not keen on option 2 or 3. He said one other possibility would be trying an experiment where he ejaculates 7 days in a row then leaves it two days (rest!) before giving the ICSI sample. This may reduce the dna damage. I'm seriously doubting this would be enough.
Neither of us want to use donor sperm yet, so OH is settled on the 7-day thing. Surgical sperm retrieval is £1,500!!! I'd rather go for this, but we're already completely wiped out financially. It's an awful awful thing to decide.
On top of this, they found problems with the immune tests. I have some raised natural killer cells and I don't have something which protects my embryo from the NK cells (can't remember what he called it). There was something else which I can't quite remember, but they say I need intralipids (this is the bloody drip which costs £400 a go), steroids, clexane and estrogen. 
This on top of the fact that I've already asked for the progesterone bum injections this time as I don't think cyclogest works for me.
I honestly can't think straight. I could go through all this immune treatment and it still fail because the sperm is so badly damaged.
OH is at work at the moment (I took the day off. No way I could face work today) and I think we're going to have to discuss it more. 
I can't believe it's come to this. It was bad enough having to do IVF, but it feels like the situation is getting worse as times goes on. I feel numb.
I suppose this is what you get for doing more tests and asking the question. Sometimes you get the answer you don't want :(


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## _Nell

Lou ((hugs))

We did the ejaculate every day thing for IVF 2 (not had the dna test done but we had shocking fertilization that indicated a sperm problem and had read that as suggested treatment). Out of interest what was your DH's morphology? (Mine was 4% which was the minimum for normal) For IVF 3 we lessened it to every other day. DH also took a high dose vitamin c and e - could your DH do that alongside the extra 'emptying'?
Our Dr says she'll give us a full list of stuff he needs to take if we are to do another fresh cycle.

Re the extras for you - snap! I haven't had the full array of tests but as per yesterdays consult i'll be having steroids, clexane, intralipids and progesterone shots for my FET. At first I was releaved we were trying the big guns, then i got home and thought 'why me, as if this ivf sh*t isn't enough I have to have even more meds and expense'. I'm nervous of these meds but OTOH I do keep seeing people get pg with these add ons on their first or 2nd round with them.


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## Lou32

Hi Nell, this really is shit isn't it?! Did you have an improvement with the daily or every other day technique? He's already on every antioxidant in existance, incl high C and E. His morphology is around 3 or 4%.Motility awful.Best result we had was 3% fast and 7% slow prog. To make matters worse, my IC has got really bad and I've no idea why! It's been getting gradually worse for about a month and the past week bam! Fully blown again. All i can think is maybe it's the metformin. I'm going to go to the docs tomorrow to check I don't have an infection. Dreading what work will say if I have to call in sick again.


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## Lou32

Can I just say that I dreaded becoming one of those women with a signature a mile long with problems! I'm now officially one of those women who people will think, why doesn't she just give up!


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## _Nell

Oh bless you, I keep meaning to put my signature on here - I bet people think 'who is she, has she even had ivf' when i post.

I think back in the beginning I would have looked at people like us and maybe thought ' eek it's not working for them why do they keep doing it again and again' we even said initially 3 rounds and we're done. But it's not like that is it, you learn more as you go, there are more things to try and frankly i'm increasingly realising people do get lucky on there 4th,5th,6th etc tries...... It'll be finance or emotions that drive me to stop tbh. No one will be thinking you should give up Lou - not after 2 rounds, now you have some more diagnosis they can treat - it's like a fresh new start in a way.

Re improvements, in truth I don't know! We do icsi now and i've never really paid attention to the SA they do on EC day. I don't really understand the whole sperm DNA thing in truth, does it mean the embryos we have might have been graded 'ok' but could still actually be no good? Or if they make it to blast is that an indicator that sperm was ok?.....I sort of wish we'd done PGD on them now, to just know if it's the embryos or me for sure.

Re the IC - I was going to say the metformin as soon as I read your post. It just seems logical that it might wreak havoc a little. I've decided to relax a little more and allowed myself a glass of wine the other week, just one, nothing wild. Boy did I suffer, I think I might have made my bladder more sensitive by abstaining from alcohol. I used to suffer after a whole evening out, not just one drink!

I hope these extra meds are the magic fix for both of us, I really do :)


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## Lou32

Thanks Nell. It helps so much to talk to someone in a similar position, although I wish so much we were in a similar position on the pregnant forums. I think sperm dna damage can manifest itself in different ways depending on which part of the dna is broken. One website likened it to missing pages from a book. If the pages are missing at the beginning there will be poor fertilisation, if theyre missing further along the embryo will stop growing and fail to implant and if even further along the embryo will grow until it gets to that missing page and it will end in miscarriage. We haven't even got to implantation yet. Crazy thing is that our embryos look great up to day 3, which is when the sperm dna kicks in:( Can't stop crying tonight. AF has shown up really early and MIL is really upsetting me. She's never supported us doing IVF and OH just told her the results and she's totally against us carrying on. She could even help if she wanted but she doesn't want to. I feel so hurt I'm finding it hard not to just say, well, something really bad and I know it would put OH in an impossible situation. I have an awful feeling my mum might say it for me as she's so upset by it all too. Anyway, maybe I should leave this out of the public forum but I suppose I just wanted to offload. Take care everyone. Xxx


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## Wallie

I'm so sorry Lou, anyone in your position would be upset and MIL won't help that's for sure. I always find people are not very sympathetic, so I've stopped confiding in folk just for that reason.

I hope you give it another go though if you can go through it emotionally and financially as otherwise what was the point of the tests. I just hope you get your baby and everyone else on this thread :hugs:


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## Lou32

Thanks Wallie. OH has even now said he'd go straight to surgical sperm retrieval if it gives us a better chance. Only thing standing in our way is the money, as this and the intralipids could potentially add £3K onto this cycle. We will have to see how much we can fit on a 0% credit card.


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## Wallie

Seems awful that you have to get yourself into debt to try and have family. It's something that grates on my nerves. We're not skint, or wasn't, we had savings and were in a great position to have a family. Now all our savings have been spent on IVF and after this try we've really got nothing else left. We can obviously save again but that takes time and time isn't something we have as a couple. Plus I just want this to work NOW, I can't wait any longer.

I hope you manage it, even just so that you know that you tried everything you could with the information you had.

I feel for you :hugs:


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## _Nell

eek at an extra £3k, that's tough. I'm really sorry you're having to put up with your MIL's unwelcome views, you don't need that anytime but especially not right now - it's more important that you and DH are on the same team and it sounds like your DH is really supportive. Sod your MIL, i'm sure she'll eat her words when you are pg with her grandchild.


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## Lou32

Well this is the problem - we could save first but I don't think we have the time to wait. If we have damaged sperm to overcome my eggs have to be good so me getting older won't help. If we get a 0% card at least there's no interest. Nell - do you know why ladies have to have steroids AND intralipids? I asked the doc if I could have just the steroids but he said I should have both.....Yes sod the MIL indeed. I won't forget all this in a hurry.


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## _Nell

Wallie - That's about where we are too, we had savings and were in a good position to start a family.....then IVF and tests sucked a huge chunk of money up. I often wonder how it would have gone if it had been a friend instead of me, our friends seem to be spenders and we're savers. It seems our rainy day came as a monsoon.

Lou - I don't know why both together tbh. I know I had steroids alone last round though and with a grade AA blast I got diddly squat! I think i'll be only having 1 lot of intralipids pre transfer and then more only if a BFP.....as I haven't got that far before i figure i may not really care about costs then and will just have to fathom it then.


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## pk2of8

I so freaking hate when you have a post all ready and typed up and something happens and then the whole thing just disappears. It's enough to put me into hysterics at times :brat: anyways..............

I know I haven't posted in here in a while but I've been following along. I just haven't had much to say b/c we're still just "waiting" for our next cycle, which is supposed to be in Jan but my nurse is being completely lax and hasn't sent me my new schedule. She was supposed to send it over 2 weeks ago and I've already emailed once to remind her. So frustrating. :growlmad: I'm afraid it's going to turn our Jan cycle into a Feb cycle b/c of her delay. My only consolation is that it might give us just a tiny bit more time to save just a little more even though I don't know how much that will be possible during the holidays. :wacko: 

In any case, I just wanted to say, wallie and Nell, how much I resonate with what you're saying about cost and savings. We HAD savings too. Almost comp,etely gone now and with this next cycle, we'll have to go into debt some too. It just doesn't seem fair. :sad1:

Life has been so crazy and stressful too...my dh's only sibling, his brother, passed away unexpectedly this past Sunday. He was only 44 and had a massive heart attack. No children of his own, so now dh is the only one to carry on the family name and we have all this infertility to deal with. :cry:

And I feel like you girls too...we just don't have TIME to save and save to keep doing this. Dh has testicular failure and won't have sperm at all much longer. And for me, despite my "normal" hormone levels, I have poor response to stims and low number of eggs. It's just all so overwhelming. :sad1:

I also wanted to throw out there that I think the intralipids are necessary ton reduce the response of the NK cells and other such immune stuff. That just the steroids isn't enough when you have those specific factors. I suspect I have something going n with that too, but i haven't seen my bloodwork yet and I don't even know what exactly they tested for. :wacko: anyway, check out this link, that explains a lot of it. https://www.ivfauthority.com/search/label/intralipid. 

That is to dr. Sher's blog, and he seems to be the general authority on this here in the US. Plus if you scroll down to his list of other topics, there's a wealth of info about immunity issues and so forth. I hope this helps girls and I just wanted ton say that I empathize with where you're at with all this. :hugs:


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## Helen76

Lou,

Have just caught up with your news, I am so so sorry love :hugs: I just can't get my head around why things have to be so difficult.

A guy at work has just walked out on his kids again over the tiniest argument and I think WTF?? How do these people get to have families and we can't!!

I'm sorrythat I can't advise on the details of your situation. I'm still debating whether to have the immunology tests. If we decide to cycle again we will do but just not sure at the moment, have my head in the sand thinking it might still happen naturally for us - idiot!!!!

Anyway in terms of number of tries, they reckon it takes 'normal' couples up to a year to conceive - that's 12/13 monthly cycles. That's what makes me think that we should cycle again and that 4 fails doesn't mean it will never work. 

I am thinking of you lots and if I had the money it would be coming your way.

Sending you big hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:

H xx


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## Lou32

I'm going to try and stop thinking about the money, I really am. This is what we have to do, so we will have to find it somehow. We've been thinking of having a huge clear out for a while, so I'm thinking we could make a bit by selling stuff as I'm sure we have a lot. I'm wondering if it's too cold for a car boot sale before Christmas! It might just make a tiny dent, but at least I'll feel like I'm doing something. It might cover the skip load of antioxidant tablets I've got OH on. Another thing arrived in the post for him today that I've ordered - a drink claiming to be the world's most powerful antioxidant drink. It looks pretty nasty, but hey ho! 
Feel a teensy bit better after reading up a bit on intralipids. So it's only a soya substance?! I didn't realise how worried I was about it until I read that and I felt instantly reassured. I don't know what I thought it was, but I was worried about them pumping it into me. Told my dad all about it and the steroids. He's concerned about me and worried I'll get ill. He also told me I'd probably get fat (thanks for that). At least it should only be temporary. Our cat went on steroids earlier this year and I swear he started to pile the pounds on. He's back to his slimline self now and he didn't even have to diet!
I took another day off work today as I felt crappy. Had a lot of crying last night after conversation about MIL and didn't really sleep. I took it as annual leave as I'd rather save my sick time for my next ICSI. How sad is that.

Helen - I didn't realise you were still in two minds about carrying on. Maybe you just need a bit of time to absorb things and you'll make the right decision in the end. You just have to go with your gut. 

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. 
xxx

PS - I've decided to come off the Metformin for a while. I've had a really bad flare up of my painful bladder condition and the only thing I can think it can be is the Met. Pretty disappointed, but if that's the cause then there's no way I can carry on with it as I'm in agony. Just hope my consultant was right and that it would have made no difference any way.


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## _Nell

Lou, I'm not too worried about the intralipids they were iriginally given to patients in hospital who were under norished or couldn't feed properly. It is just essentially a giant boost of food! 
If it helps reassure you, I took steroids last cycle and after scaring myself silly reading the leaflet i didn't have any side effects at all.

As for the car boot - i hear ya. I couldn't face one but fleabay is my friend at the moment, we are selling a load of stuff, part ofr cash and part because i just feel better for clearing the crap out of life :)

Helen - I'm glad you're still thinking about trying again. I know it can't be an easy decision but I do agree with you, there's no reason why a 4th, 5th, 6th cycle etc can't work. someone has to be the vicitm of stats to not get pg in 3 rounds after all - it's just sucks it's us.


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## Lolly1985

Hello everyone :hugs:

Ahhhhh just deleted my whole post :growlmad: Pressed the wrong button and the screen refreshed, sooooo annoying :growlmad:

Lou i'm sorry your results were tough to hear. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now as I chickened out from going down that path. I'm glad that you and Nell can support one another, although it goes without saying that I would rather neither of you had to contend with this. I'm so sorry that money is so tight. Like many have said, why is it so unfair that we have to fight, battle, pay, cry and struggle to what so many get without a second thought. :nope: But it goes to show that you are doing whatever it takes and you can look back no matter what and think that you tried your very best and no one can do more than that :hugs: 

:growlmad: MIL :growlmad: Who is anyone to judge when they will never ever have a clue about the situation and how you feel. The most important thing is you are DH standing together though and it sounds like you are fighting through this as a unit.

Hi Nell, you seem to be fountain of all knowledge on here! :haha: Like I said to Lou, it is nice to have the support of someone is the same position as you and get through it together. I hope that you are feeling positive, rooting for you :hugs:

:hugs: Helen :hugs: Nice to hear you are maybe thinking of trying again. Braver woman than me, as I said to Lou, think all this has turned me slightly chicken! But you are right, who is to say how many cycles it will take to work. And when you look at natural conception, some of them take a good few months. Have been thinking of you, hope you are holding up ok :hugs:

Good luck pk2! :hugs: So sorry to hear of your BIL. What an awful thing to happen. I hope that your family can have some good news soon. If your nurse ever pulls her finger out :growlmad:

Hi Azreal and Wallie!! How are you ladies? Hope you have had nice weekends and the build up to christmas is a happy time. I know some people can get down but hoping you are alright :hugs:

AFM... I was having a happy day today. was chirping on to DP how good it will be when we adopt, all the things to prepare for, all the happy times ahead. then I went on Facebook. How stupid of me :growlmad: His cousin has kind of announced her pregnancy. I suspected for a while with the whole 'went to see so and so's baby, we have decided we want one', 'missing my baby now she has gone to school, time for another'. Then follows the 'feeling sick', 'bored of feeling sick', 'feeling so tired', 'night in with coke for me' comments. Then today the 'I can eat a takeaway now I allowed to get fat' followed by the congrats comments :shrug: So she hasn't confirmed but that makes it soooo much worst. To be honest I don't actually like her and only became friends with her so I could pinch a pic she had of me and DP at a family wedding. She whinges all the time when she doesn't know how lucky she is, forever preaches to me that I should have kids, time will run out blah blah, and posts about 10 times a day about every move her daughter makes and puts pictures up all the time. So conclusion made, she is being deleted!!!!!

:kiss: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Wallie

Thanks for your post.

I'm in a happy place just now, everything just seems nice and easy. I'm not sure if I want to get on the IVF roller coaster at all yet, although I will!

My OH eventually, after me going on about it so much, bought me a new car. I just picked it up on Saturday and I love it, and love him even more for letting me get it! Stupid weather and time of year to get it mind. We've had snow yesterday and again today. Wish it would sod off now!

We said there was nothing wrong with our cars so haven't changed them in years. Also because of ttc it's been on hold anyway. So since our chat with our fertility councillor we've been trying to not put things off just incase, so this is us moving on. Although I hope I have to change it again in about a years time!


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## Lou32

Wallie - Congrats on the new car! We've had snow here too in Yorkshire. I bloody hate the snow! Bet you can't wait until it's cleared so you can have a proper drive. 
Lolly - Good on you for deleting her. I know pregnant women don't act like that intentionally to cause upset, but sometimes I think they could be more sensitive, less intrusive (what's it got to do with them when someone decides to start a family?!) and just shut up. And more than anything, you just have to delete or ignore people sometimes for self preservation. 
I bumped into my friend today with her baby and she talked a lot about her kids and instead of asking how I was, she asked how my little sister was, who has a nine month old baby. It's like I've got nothing to contribute as I'm childless. I cried so much after as it felt like she was saying my life's not valid or something. I know she didn't mean to upset me, but people seem to think like that! I've lost count of how many people skip asking about me and just ask how my sister and nephew are. It's not even like he's just been born. It's just that people like to ask after other people's kids. I was once in the pub with friends and they were asking about each other's kids and they turned to me and asked how my cat was. Thankfully it was when we'd only just started TTC, so it didn't hurt as much as it would now. I think I'd probably burst into tears if they did that now!

Well, I'm off sick at the moment now as I have a bad case of f'ing cystitis (or a flare up of my painful bladder condition - neither me nor my GP really knows. All I know is it hurts like hell.) Can't sleep! 

Take care everyone.
xxx


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## _Nell

Lolly - I would have delted her too - good for you! I'm not sure i'm the fountain of all knowledge but i am a keen researcher, I can't help it. It's my way of gleaning a little control i think, i may not be able to fix myself but i can at least try understand what's going on. Not helped by the fact I seem to be gathering an A-Z of fertility conditions as i go.

Lou - sorry you're in pain, so unfair to have that on top of everything else ((hugs))

Wallie - Yay for the new car - although I too hope you have to change it next year :)

AFM: Well I had been feeling unusually positive this last week. After seeing my new Dr (new clinic) I just sort of felt like she was taking charge and i could relax. DH and I have even been saying 'when we have children' which i never dare say. I sort of had this feeling of being relaxed and that the FET might just work.
Well I should have guessed a fall was coming......I sent my menstrual tissue to greece on my birthday last week......and my surprise 'gift' is that I have hidden chlamydia and mycoplasma. Urgh. I guess this explains my BFN's and thin lining. I knew it was possible, that's why i tested, but i'd tested negative for both on the regular swobs so i was kinda hopeful. Like Lou I don't really feel better for having an answer tbh because the kick in the gut is.......drumroll........more drugs! I'm the sort of person that wouldn't take a painkiller for a headache so this is all kind of getting silly now. A months course of super strong AB's for both me and DH and then a months wait and re-test. I'm not sure what this means for our FET but i guess logically it's pushed back.

And because nothing in fertility is ever straightforward i have to check my Dr actually 'believes' in this aspect of immunes and will prescribe the meds......if not i need to go to a 3rd Dr. I officially have more Dr.s than non-pregnant friends LOL.


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## Lou32

Hi Nell - Is it Doxycyclene that they prescribe for chlamydia and mycoplasma? I was wondering whether to do this test too, but I actually saw a doc in Harley Street last year (I was desperate!) over my interstitial cystitis and although the tests came back negative for ureaplasma/mycoplasma and chlamydia, he put me and OH on a month long course of Doxycyline just in case because he said they didn't always show up in pee tests. I figured that if we've both had the A/Bs anyway, it might not be worth doing the hidden C test.
There is a school of thought that mycoplasma/ureaplasma could be the root of IC, so you never know, you might get cured of that too.
Do you mind me asking how much the test was? I'm still in two minds whether to do it.
When do you think you'll do your FET now?

We had a follow up with our NHS clinic today and the consultant seemed overwhelmed by our situation now, what with the immune protocol and OH's damaged sperm. Apparently I'm the only one who's ever been recommended intralipids from this satellite clinic. 
I'm also getting mixed messages about the TESE - fresh or frozen. Both Calderdale and Care are saying frozen makes it easier (I guess it means OH wouldn't need the general anaesthetic and surgery on my egg collection day) but I've read fresh is better. When I asked our consultant if fresh was better, he just said testicular sperm is bad quality anyway. But the reason we're getting testicular sperm is in the hope it will be better! Aaaaaargh! It's all so confusing, and I really don't want to put OH through this surgery if it doesn't work. Really don't know what to do.
Our Nhs clinic did agree for OH to see a urologist so we can have peace of mind over whether something obviously wrong with him, such as a varicocele. Thing is, we have to wait until the end of Jan, it's looking like we'll have to put this next cycle off until at least March now, which is frustrating. More months of this agonising limbo!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## _Nell

Oh Lou, I'm sorry you've had your cycle pushed back too.

I don't know much about TESE, is it a guaranteed procedure to get the sperm? That would be my concern - ie is there a risk if you do it on EC day that there'll be no sperm/failed procedure, is that a benefit of doing it beforehand and freezing?

I don't know when our FET will get pushed back to tbh, I suppose it depends on if we clear the bug first round of AB's (some people have to repeat the AB's). It's not just doxy no, i've been reading up and it's a months course of a mix of AB's - I had taken doxy and azrithmocyn (sp?) before too so thought i'd be ok. I also had prophylaxis AB's for 3months for my repeat UTI's.....yet still I have this! I have a consult booked for Thursday so hopefully things will be clearer then.
I organised the test direct with the lab in Greece, it's 90Euros a test and i had all 3, chlamydia, ureaplasma and mycoplasma so 270euros.

Are the NHS doing anything for you immunes wise at all (asides DH's urologist). I'm finding regular provate fertility Dr.s don't 'believe' let alone nhs. I'm not sure what to think tbh, I just know i'm willing to believe enough to try all the extra meds.


----------



## Lou32

_Nell said:


> Oh Lou, I'm sorry you've had your cycle pushed back too.
> 
> I don't know much about TESE, is it a guaranteed procedure to get the sperm? That would be my concern - ie is there a risk if you do it on EC day that there'll be no sperm/failed procedure, is that a benefit of doing it beforehand and freezing?
> 
> I don't know when our FET will get pushed back to tbh, I suppose it depends on if we clear the bug first round of AB's (some people have to repeat the AB's). It's not just doxy no, i've been reading up and it's a months course of a mix of AB's - I had taken doxy and azrithmocyn (sp?) before too so thought i'd be ok. I also had prophylaxis AB's for 3months for my repeat UTI's.....yet still I have this! I have a consult booked for Thursday so hopefully things will be clearer then.
> I organised the test direct with the lab in Greece, it's 90Euros a test and i had all 3, chlamydia, ureaplasma and mycoplasma so 270euros.
> 
> Are the NHS doing anything for you immunes wise at all (asides DH's urologist). I'm finding regular provate fertility Dr.s don't 'believe' let alone nhs. I'm not sure what to think tbh, I just know i'm willing to believe enough to try all the extra meds.

Well our Nhs consultant said that's why they prefer to do TESE beforehand and freeze, in case they don't find anything on EC day. But I spoke to Care and pointed out that he does produce plenty of sperm providing a sample the 'normal' way, as he has normal numbers, so is this likely? I also asked if there was a slight chance of being left with nothing, could he produce a sample the normal way before going for his TESE. It's a gamble, but everything I read is that fresh is better.

I'm seriously tempted to get this hidden c test done. I've no idea where I'll find the money, but I'm already skint, so what's another couple of hundred (not sure what it is in £ but presume it's around £250 ish?) This was a concern of mine with all the UTIs, but I suppose I thought the Doxy would clear anything...

Nope, NHS not supporting the immune treatment other than giving me a prescription. Our consultant said I need to get the suggested protocol from Care and he'll do me a prescription. I can get the usual meds from the hospital pharmacy really cheap, but I will have to source the immune stuff myself. Care have to organise the intralipids. He basically said he'd already told us his thoughts on it, which were that it's a waste of time and money, but that it's up to us if we want to go ahead. He was shocked we were going ahead with TESE too and asked if we were sure we wanted to spend so much. Obviously we're not over the bloody moon, but I don't see what choice we have?! It's this or donor sperm, and we're not ready for that, if ever.

By the way, got a letter from Care today and it gives my results in full. It says I have: borderline high tumour-necrosis facor alpha level (this came in the normal range, but was to the top end), increased level of CD 56, 19 and 5 NK cells and HLA antigens on the 05 locus. I've absolutely NO idea what this means!

I know what you mean about not knowing what to think with the immune stuff. I really think it's OH's sperm letting us down tbh and I still can't help but think that if we didn't have that issue, I'd have baby now :( But even if there's a chance the immunes could help, it's worth doing right?

So will your consutant prescribe the A/Bs for the infection or your GP? And does the clinic tell you what you should be prescribed along with your result?
I'm sorry to hear this came at a time when you were feeling positive. At least it could be the answer you're looking for. x


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## _Nell

> At least it could be the answer you're looking for. x

I know, you're right. I'm just upset at the wait. My head says I have to do it properly, clear the infection, re-test to see a negative, let my lining improve, then FET. My heart says, heck you have a fair few frosties just take the AB's, go straight into the FET with the other extra meds and cross your fingers. We're meant to be moving overseas next year and I won't want to go not pg if i still have frosties here left to try, it just won't happen.

No the lab don't send suggested AB protocol. My clinic don't 'believe' in hidden chlamydia (they know i've been tested though), I'm so tempted to go along with them and just forget it but then what was the point of testing if i don't treat it?! Dr G at the london fertility academy (well known for immunes) will hopefully write me a script based on my test results. It's a bit complicated dealing with more than 1 clinic though.

TnF alfa I've heard of, that can be linked to endo (and other things i'm sure, it's just something i came accross when i was researching about my endo). The NK's i've heard of but 'HLA antigens on the 05 locus' is new to me. There are so many tests it's mindblowing tbh. 

I think immunes are worth it, yes. Will they be enough for you or me? I don't know but i really do think they're worth trying....I'm excited to try but nervous that it could still not be a 1 cycle =bfp it's like starting over it feels.


----------



## _Nell

Me again :) Does anyone see those signature tickers, that say 22 cycles, £125 on HPT's, OPK's and other tests etc and just think 'whoah i wish, i'm in another league on that one'.

I keep a running total, excluding hpt's, OPK's, pre seed, soft cups etc (they are now as regulr a purchasel as bread and milk and therefore not recorded). This running total doesn't even include this weeks array of test and consults yet is already over £11000......I feel like putting a ticker up just to share that. It might be the only thing i'll win at in this TTC game :haha:


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## Wallie

Oh ladies, I'm lost with all these tests you've are having/had. I thought about the Hidden C test too but with no-one recognising it I thought wots the point. I have only heard of a few doing the test but each one is positive. How reliable is this test really?

Anyway, I've read all your posts and don't understand things really and I hope to hell I don't have to, I think I'm not taking them in really to protect myself as no doubt I will have everything you have too... but I just don't want to know it yet.

:hugs:


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## Lou32

I don't know Wallie - I've wondered about how reliable the hidden c test is too. I just don't know whether to do it or not, but I'm starting to wonder if I have one of these things as they can cause the raised NK cells...
With the immune tests we've had. We went to see the consultant at Care as we didn't know what to do next and he pretty much talked us into having them as he said at least we might get some answers. It was the first time we'd had some proper advice rather than doctors saying they don't know why it isn't working and they don't know what we should do next, so we jumped in and followed his advice. I don't feel like doctors always advise all that well, but maybe that's just our docs.


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## angiemon

Ive jut been reading through the last few pages and my mind is blowing also!! We have talked about the immune tests but my doctor wouldn't recommend them but now we have finished with the nhs, they may recommend it.....its all soooooooooooo confusing and its so difficult to know what to do..
hopefully Lou and Nell, the information you have found now will help but it must be so difficult to know when to stop testing and have the treatments.
Is there no end to all this??
:cry:


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## angiemon

Lou32 said:


> Hi everyone,
> I'm so sorry to hear your news Angie. When I read the line that you'd got a BFP I was so happy for you, and I can't believe it was so cruel to end. It's just not fair. I can't put it any plainer than that.
> As for me - our results were not good. My worst fear was realised, as the sperm DNA fragmentation came back at 70%. According to the masses of information online, anything above 30% is seriously bad. The doctor said OH could either go on a high antioxidant regime and retest before our next go, they could try surgically removing the sperm (as there's some research to suggest it might improve things) or we could use donor sperm. OH is understandably not keen on option 2 or 3. He said one other possibility would be trying an experiment where he ejaculates 7 days in a row then leaves it two days (rest!) before giving the ICSI sample. This may reduce the dna damage. I'm seriously doubting this would be enough.
> Neither of us want to use donor sperm yet, so OH is settled on the 7-day thing. Surgical sperm retrieval is £1,500!!! I'd rather go for this, but we're already completely wiped out financially. It's an awful awful thing to decide.
> On top of this, they found problems with the immune tests. I have some raised natural killer cells and I don't have something which protects my embryo from the NK cells (can't remember what he called it). There was something else which I can't quite remember, but they say I need intralipids (this is the bloody drip which costs £400 a go), steroids, clexane and estrogen.
> This on top of the fact that I've already asked for the progesterone bum injections this time as I don't think cyclogest works for me.
> I honestly can't think straight. I could go through all this immune treatment and it still fail because the sperm is so badly damaged.
> OH is at work at the moment (I took the day off. No way I could face work today) and I think we're going to have to discuss it more.
> I can't believe it's come to this. It was bad enough having to do IVF, but it feels like the situation is getting worse as times goes on. I feel numb.
> I suppose this is what you get for doing more tests and asking the question. Sometimes you get the answer you don't want :(

Im so sorry Lou that you have had to deal with all of this. As if doing IVF/ICSI isn't bad enough. Im thinking that we'll be following you down this road too but i think my Oh thinks his sperm is ok now because we have fertilisation. Im worried about what our FS will recommend in our follow up.
Im thinking of you :hugs:
Thanks for feeling happy for me, I know its not easy to be happy when you find out someone else is pregnant... xx


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## _Nell

Angie / Wallie,
I feel much the same as you re the hidden c tbh. I had read about it a while back and had a firm view that as it was only really done by a couple of clinics and there were no firm studies to support it I wouldn't bother.
But then I do see women getting pg after testing and treating for it (although they likely have extra meds too for the ivf cycle).

The reason i went for it is because i have a history of repeat UTI many which have often shown no infection at all in my urine. I get no burning pee with them just a sore inflamed feeling abdomen. Then since TTC i have spotted brown gunk for about a week before my period every single cycle. Lastly, despite plenty of estrogen my lining has been very thin, just 6 or 7 mm on all 3 IVF's. All 3 of those could be linked to uterine infections so i felt it was worth a shot testing, secretly hoping to get peace of mind from a negative. One more thing ruled out in trying to solve my lining problem....but then it was positive.
I'll take the AB's and just hope.
One thing I would say though is it's the first STD i've ever had and I've always been very careful, DH and I were both tested before we started having unprotected sex and have been married 7yrs, so where has this come from if it is there?!

My clinic Dr doesn't really accept the tests and I am very tempted to agree with her logic, but OTOH it's just a course of AB's to 'fix' whatever it is.

If i hadn't had this bleeding and stupid thin lining i wouldn't have bothered.


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## Lou32

_Nell said:


> Angie / Wallie,
> I feel much the same as you re the hidden c tbh. I had read about it a while back and had a firm view that as it was only really done by a couple of clinics and there were no firm studies to support it I wouldn't bother.
> But then I do see women getting pg after testing and treating for it (although they likely have extra meds too for the ivf cycle).
> 
> The reason i went for it is because i have a history of repeat UTI many which have often shown no infection at all in my urine. I get no burning pee with them just a sore inflamed feeling abdomen. Then since TTC i have spotted brown gunk for about a week before my period every single cycle. Lastly, despite plenty of estrogen my lining has been very thin, just 6 or 7 mm on all 3 IVF's. All 3 of those could be linked to uterine infections so i felt it was worth a shot testing, secretly hoping to get peace of mind from a negative. One more thing ruled out in trying to solve my lining problem....but then it was positive.
> I'll take the AB's and just hope.
> One thing I would say though is it's the first STD i've ever had and I've always been very careful, DH and I were both tested before we started having unprotected sex and have been married 7yrs, so where has this come from if it is there?!
> 
> My clinic Dr doesn't really accept the tests and I am very tempted to agree with her logic, but OTOH it's just a course of AB's to 'fix' whatever it is.
> 
> If i hadn't had this bleeding and stupid thin lining i wouldn't have bothered.

Nell - this is EXACTLY how my IC started. UTI after UTI, but the tests always came back negative, despite the fact the A/Bs always worked. It got to the point where my GP refused A/Bs because she said there was no infection and I left the surgery in pain and in tears. The UTI pain stayed for a year. It was the worst year of my life - living with that pain and having to put IVF on hold. That's why I went to see Dr Lim in London who suspected ureaplasma, although his tests didn't pick it up. His Doxycycline helped and I've been around 90% pain free since. I'd convinced myself that if I had any kind of infection then the Doxy would have zapped it (I was on it quite a long time, as was my OH). I think I'm still going to do this test though, just because of my background of UTIs.
I'd agree with Nell though - unless you have solid reason to do it, I wouldn't bother either. 
I did do a bit of reading up on it yesterday though and there were a couple of women who said they'd tested positive and had still got pregnant and had healthy babies. Maybe it depends on the degree of infection.
I think the decision to do further tests depends on your individual circumstances...We did the sperm test because OH's sperm is bad quality to start, so we wanted to know the chances of it working at all. 
As for the immunes, there was a couple of reasons which swung it for me. Firstly, I always get terrible pains in my uterus after ET, which the doctor said could be a sign of immune activity (it also could just be the hormones!) and the fact I'd had so many UTIs/antibiotics the past three years and I wondered if it had affected my immune system. 
Don't worry about not doing tests though. Some docs will prescribe some of the medication empirically, which is what I'm thinking might have been the best way for us (would have saved us a hell of a lot of money!)


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## Wallie

Well now that IVF is in close reach again, I've started to feel upset and weepy. I've been doing so well these last few weeks but since last Thursday I've cried nearly every day. I really don't want to go through it all again and it doesn't work! It's so upsetting as you have all these hopes and dreams and now I can't believe it will ever work. Why do people get this so easy and I've had to struggle for 4+ years, I just don't get it....


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## Lolly1985

Wallie, so sorry that it is all getting a bit overwhelming for you. I can totally empathise with you. DP could never understand why every time we drew near to something - an appointment, blood work, treatment, cycling - I would get upset again. I think he always thought waiting was the hardest. And while in a way it is, and during that wait we feel we should be being proactive, as soon as it becomes really 'real' again the fear kicks in. Its all the what ifs, and all you can do is try your best to fight on. And you will because you have to. But it just plain sucks at the same time. Its so unfair, I say that all the bloody time, but it just is, there is no other way to describe it. Oh so much I pray all this works out for all of us. Everyone fights on, and everyone here is so much stronger than they even realise :hugs::hugs::hugs:

That goes for all of you, and special love to to Lou, Angie, Nell and Azreal also. You are all special ladies, don't forget :hugs::hugs::hugs:

:kiss:xxxxxxxxxxxx:kiss:


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## Wallie

Lolly1985 said:


> Wallie, so sorry that it is all getting a bit overwhelming for you. I can totally empathise with you. DP could never understand why every time we drew near to something - an appointment, blood work, treatment, cycling - I would get upset again. I think he always thought waiting was the hardest. And while in a way it is, and during that wait we feel we should be being proactive, as soon as it becomes really 'real' again the fear kicks in. Its all the what ifs, and all you can do is try your best to fight on. And you will because you have to. But it just plain sucks at the same time. Its so unfair, I say that all the bloody time, but it just is, there is no other way to describe it. Oh so much I pray all this works out for all of us. Everyone fights on, and everyone here is so much stronger than they even realise :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> That goes for all of you, and special love to to Lou, Angie, Nell and Azreal also. You are all special ladies, don't forget :hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> :kiss:xxxxxxxxxxxx:kiss:

Thanks Lolly, I just seem to get upset at anything now, I just can't believe I'm like this. I've been so content about the wait and getting on with life and i just can't help the way I feel.

I suppose I'm more scare this time too, since it will be my last try. I just so want it to work as I don't want to be childless and never go through pregnancy. It's all so cruel.:cry:


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## Lolly1985

I think sometimes, after all you have gone through, you just start feeling normal again and bam, you suddenly realise you ahve to do it all again. I was like that, but once I got going I was honestly better. Obviously the 2ww is very hard but hopefully you will get a good outcome this time (I won't say chin up or stay positive cos sometimes you just plain can't) but good luck :hugs:

It amazes (and infuriates) me how anyone gets pregnant naturally :shrug:

xxxxxxxxx


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## Wallie

Thanks Lolly!


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## Azreal

Wallie said:


> Well now that IVF is in close reach again, I've started to feel upset and weepy. I've been doing so well these last few weeks but since last Thursday I've cried nearly every day. I really don't want to go through it all again and it doesn't work! It's so upsetting as you have all these hopes and dreams and now I can't believe it will ever work. Why do people get this so easy and I've had to struggle for 4+ years, I just don't get it....

Hi Wallie
Just wanted to send you support... we're having our last (probably) go in January too - almost the exact same time as you! Fingers crossed for both of us. I hope that you can enjoy your Xmas a little and maybe we can say a little prayer for each other on egg pick up day :hugs:


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## _Nell

Wallie, sending some more :hugs: your way too. Like Lolly says it's all just so unfair. I'm quite impatient with the wait to start and look forward to starting again, but that first day of injections it hits me and just as you describe I feel miserable and teary. That tricky balance of hope and fear of failure is just torture.


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## Wallie

Thank you ladies and yes, we'll all be saying prayers for each and every one of us to have a positive cycle! :hugs:


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## chocolatecat

Fingers crossed for you Wallie! Hope it works out for you. (and for us all!)

(I was on here a few months ago, ranting after my failed IVF and FETs, but I've stayed off BnB till the end of this cycle).


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## Azreal

Wallie said:


> Thank you ladies and yes, we'll all be saying prayers for each and every one of us to have a positive cycle! :hugs:

Hi Wallie

Just wanted to see how you were doing. Have you started injections etc yet?
I'm on day 9 and have scan and bloods tomorrow. I am thinking EPU will be Monday 9th January. Had a fair bit of pain in my right ovary for a few days there which I am hoping is a good sign - I tend to get a bit of pain just before ovulation.

How was your Xmas and New Year? I hope that you are feeling better. I had a few days there where I couldn't stop crying but I put it down to the fact my period was due in 3 days - thought I was going a bit mental tho'!

Thinking of you and fingers crossed! :hugs:


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## neha

Hello ladies!

I'm new here. Married for a year, ttc for 4 months. Had my first IUI last month that resulted in a failure. Thought I was having all the symptoms &#8211; period-like cramps, queasiness, bloating. But AF showed her ugly face yesterday on 18dpiui. So devastated! My husband had already started saying, "Doll's on her way!"

Next IUI cycle to begin today. Really hope I get a BFP this time. Wish me luck.


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## Wallie

Azreal said:


> Wallie said:
> 
> 
> Thank you ladies and yes, we'll all be saying prayers for each and every one of us to have a positive cycle! :hugs:
> 
> Hi Wallie
> 
> Just wanted to see how you were doing. Have you started injections etc yet?
> I'm on day 9 and have scan and bloods tomorrow. I am thinking EPU will be Monday 9th January. Had a fair bit of pain in my right ovary for a few days there which I am hoping is a good sign - I tend to get a bit of pain just before ovulation.
> 
> How was your Xmas and New Year? I hope that you are feeling better. I had a few days there where I couldn't stop crying but I put it down to the fact my period was due in 3 days - thought I was going a bit mental tho'!
> 
> Thinking of you and fingers crossed! :hugs:Click to expand...

Hi Azreal,

No I've not started injections yet, not even DR'ing yet, that's next Wednesday 11th January. So I'll not get a baseline scan until end of January and then hopefully EC after or around Valentine's Day!

That's good that you've moved on so far, I'd be thinking they'd be wanting you to stim for a day or so more and then you get to trigger. Good luck!

My Christmas was good although I was recovering from the cold and was a bit miserable with a sore head on the day, but it was good with family. New Year was very quiet!

I'm not too bad emotionally just now, it's always when I'm about to DR and stimming, you know doing it, I feel really good, it'll all go haywire again from 7dpo onwards though.

Keep strong and best of luck and thank so much for asking how I was! :hugs:


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## Hopeful42nd

Hello everyone, hoping to join and offer, and maybe gain some support.

We are TTC our 2nd child and this time around I don't want to let in all the family members and friends on what we are up to. I'm sick of all the questions, 'it'll happen when it's meant to be', and unwanted unhelpful advice that however well meaning it is, it hurts.

I'm so glad I can come on hear and read about others going through the same type of emotions/situations. I am praying for you all to have a posive result soon, as testing our strength isn't really what we want.

This time time doc recommended same as what worked for fist child. Clomid 50mg days 3-7, IUI day after surge detected with Bloodwork. After two tries because they possibly spotted a polyp last ultrasound before my last pregnancy, if it doesn't work then I have to have a hysteroscopy. Really don't want to get to that point but if I must, I will do anything.

So today is Cycle day 3 of my 2nd try for IUI, I am so nervous already and we are a ways off from my 2WW. Anyone else in a similar situation?


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## _Nell

Hello to all and Happy New Year, really hope this year is a good year for all of us.

Azreal - how are you? are you in the TWW, how is the cycle going? Wishing you lots of luck and strength :)


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## Lou32

Hi, just wanted to let you know that we've had our planning appt so will start SP mid Feb, so EC will be around end of Feb. Oh and my hidden C test came back all clear which is a relief. Looks like it's just my bladder that's knackered then. I'll probably take a bit of a break from BnB during treatment as I found it hard last time. Good luck to you all and stay strong xxx


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## _Nell

Great news Lou, enjoy your little break from BnB and I hope you have some great news to return with :)


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## Azreal

_Nell said:


> Hello to all and Happy New Year, really hope this year is a good year for all of us.
> 
> Azreal - how are you? are you in the TWW, how is the cycle going? Wishing you lots of luck and strength :)

Hi Nell and to everyone else

Nell - thank you for asking and also for the luck and strength!

yes just started the 2WW - had transfer yesterday

EPU turned out to be 2 days later than I thought. Had first lot of bloods and scan on the Friday and then was told that I had to have more on the following Monday. That's the first time I have had to had 2 lots of bloods and scans. Didn't really panic but was a little worried.
Anyway long story short we got 2 eggs (normal for me) which were both mature eggs and both fertilised - that's a first for us! Usually the eggs are crappy and we are lucky if one fertilises. Got to transfer yesterday and one has come along in leaps and bounds and is a great blastocyst. The other is okay but delayed bya few days. So we had both put back in and I guess we can only see how we go.

Hope everyone else is going okay and made it through Xmas and New Year relatively unscathed :wacko:


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## Wallie

That's brilliant news, I bet you are so happy with that. Now just to wait and see. Best of luck! :dust:


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## _Nell

Wallies right, that's fab news to get a great blastocyst and a 2nd embie too. Good Luck
:dust:


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## Azreal

Hi everyone
Well I don't know if it's the 2ww but I am going a bit mental and need some support/advice/sympathy. Since last night (which was only 2 dpt) I've been in tears. I have myself convinced that this cycle hasn't worked. My boobs have gone down, stopped being tender and I have absolutely no symptoms at all. Logic would tell you that this is only 3dpt and there is probably no signs but am I supposed to feel anything? I was feeling a little bit hopeful which was nice for a change but that has since gone out the window. We are supposed to be going away for the weekend which I was really looking forward to but am now dreading. I have to go because it is my Dad's 70th birthday. We also have a 5 hour car ride to get there - I am really NOT looking forward to that! HELP!


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## Hopeful42nd

No symptoms is a good thing, least it was for me :) 
The ones you had were from O or meds, my o symptoms went away too I am now 3dpIUI and feel nothing as well. I was tired for abut today, that's about it.
The last pregnancy I had I had no dymptoms till after I found out I was pregnant, besides slight twinges in uterus about 12dpo. I guess my signal is I didn't have my normal symptoms if AF. I'm sure everything is fine...your chances are excellent with a transfer, hold on to that :)
We'll make it through this 2ww, I'm here with ya :hugs:


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## Azreal

Thanks Hopeful - your words mean a lot! :flower:
Good luck to you too!


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## Wallie

I know the 2ww is hard but try and think of it like there's no point in upsetting yourself for nothing. No symptoms mean nothing, it's all just you being upset because you're thinking of it all so much. You need to keep busy and take your mind off it.

I know it's very hard though :hugs:


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## Springflower

The only symptoms I had were exactly the same as my normal monthly ones when Af is on her way. 2ww is horrendous, it really is horrid. 

Good luck! You never know it might have worked! 

xxx


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## Azreal

Hi all
Thank you all so much for your words but I am pretty sure this last cycle hasnt worked. Sometimes you just 'know'. And I'm starting to get all the signs of AF rearing their ugly heads. I do so hope that there is some good news out there for some of us as this misery and pain is just too much to bear sometimes. I hope you are all still taking care of yourselves :cry:


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## Wallie

Azreal, I hope you're wrong :dust:


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## Azreal

How are you going with your IVF/ICSI Wallie?


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## Wallie

Azreal said:


> How are you going with your IVF/ICSI Wallie?

Hi,

It's going fine, just down reggin' just now, so nothing much happening really. Just waiting for baseline scan and waiting to hear when I can start stimulation injections. The clinic stay to their rules and they only start you on stims on a Friday and my baseline scan is also a Friday. I just hope they say I can start that night rather than wait another full week. It seems to take forever some days!

How are you feeling just now? When is your official test date?


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## Azreal

Waiting for something specific always seems to take forever doesn't it! What is down regging? I have heard of it but never did it. I so so hope this one goes well for you - could do with some good news!
Wow your clinic is specific as to when to start the stim meds. At the clinic I go to here in Aust we start the meds on day 2 of AF and then go from there. You ring them when you start AF to book on for the cycle.
Today is d8pt. Blood test due next Monday. I have never got to the blood test stage and even now am not confident that we'll make it but I am feeling a little better in myself. I had started to feel fine by last Thursday but then a friend rang and in the course of the converstion proceeds to tell me that her SIL is pregnant. I couldn't believe her insensitivity! So of course that set me off again. We went away for the weekend for my Dad's 70th birthday and I was in tears the whole weekend and managed to have a fight with my Mum. Some people really don't think! :growlmad:
I hope that you can start sooner rather than later - that extra week would be a killer!


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## _Nell

Azreal - Wishing you lots of luck for blood test day, I really hope this is it for you :)


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## Wallie

Yeah my clinic likes you to DR, which shuts down all your reproductive organs and gets them very quiet until THEY are ready for you to start stims. they like having a batch of you all at the same stage at once.

Not long now until you know. Some folk are really insensitive. They'd best say nothing than come out with crap like so and so's pregnant. 

Best of luck, we need you to get a bfp, to give all us LTTTCer's some hope. We do need it!

:dust:


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## Azreal

Sorry girls but it isn't going to be me that gives everyone hope...
AF just arrived... I have had awful cramps for the past 2 days so not really surprised
Wallie it's up to you now :thumbup:


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## Hopeful42nd

Azreal said:


> Sorry girls but it isn't going to be me that gives everyone hope...
> AF just arrived... I have had awful cramps for the past 2 days so not really surprised
> Wallie it's up to you now :thumbup:

So sorry Hun :hugs: :hug:
I'm 10 dpo and getting AF type pains, due on 13 dpo. I really hope this isn't another bust :( my pessimism is getting the best of me.


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## _Nell

Oh Azreal, i'm so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs:

and hopeful some for you too, :hugs: i hope your internal pessimist is wrong this time.


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## Hopeful42nd

So, last night woke with horrible back paid and some AF type cramps. Pretty sure she's around the corner. I was trying not to test till tomorrow but should i just get the bad news over with already? I'm 11dpo. So down right now, it's going to be a long day!


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## Wallie

Oh no Azreal. I'm so sorry to hear this. Dam right not fair! What on earth do we have to do to have a family? :hugs:


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## Wallie

Hopeful42nd said:


> So, last night woke with horrible back paid and some AF type cramps. Pretty sure she's around the corner. I was trying not to test till tomorrow but should i just get the bad news over with already? I'm 11dpo. So down right now, it's going to be a long day!

I'm determined not to test until due date this cycle, so I'd say save yourself the stress of a bfn and wondering if it'll change before you're due on. Although then again it might just be two little pink lines? I just don't know :cry:


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## Hopeful42nd

Yeah, I couldn't resist:blush:
But I think it's positive! A very faint second line is def there!
I'm no help with resisting the urge, but holding off till 11dpo is good right?


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## Wallie

Hopeful42nd said:


> Yeah, I couldn't resist:blush:
> But I think it's positive! A very faint second line is def there!
> I'm no help with resisting the urge, but holding off till 11dpo is good right?

Oh wow! Excellent. You lucky thing!!!


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## Hopeful42nd

Wallie said:


> Hopeful42nd said:
> 
> 
> Yeah, I couldn't resist:blush:
> But I think it's positive! A very faint second line is def there!
> I'm no help with resisting the urge, but holding off till 11dpo is good right?
> 
> Oh wow! Excellent. You lucky thing!!!Click to expand...

I'm trying not to get too overexcited yet, it was faint and I will test tomorrow and see if it's better


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## Azreal

Hopeful42nd said:


> Wallie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hopeful42nd said:
> 
> 
> Yeah, I couldn't resist:blush:
> But I think it's positive! A very faint second line is def there!
> I'm no help with resisting the urge, but holding off till 11dpo is good right?
> 
> Oh wow! Excellent. You lucky thing!!!Click to expand...
> 
> I'm trying not to get too overexcited yet, it was faint and I will test tomorrow and see if it's betterClick to expand...

Best of luck.... everything crossed for you!


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## Azreal

HI Wallie
How are things going?:thumbup:


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## Wallie

Hi Azreal, I'm not too bad thank you. Hows you?

I've started DR'ing and on Friday 10th Feb I start stims. I'm up and down emotionally so much just now but today's good so far.

Hope you're okay. Check out my journal and we can chat more on there or PM me.


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## _Nell

Just bumping this thread back up onto the first page.


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## dovkav123

I just failed my natural cycle IVF.
We really have a feeling, that embryo transfer was to blame. Dr. had to force an embryo in, I don't think it end up in my uterus....:(


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## woowoo

Hi everyone,

I've returned here after quite a break but wanted to bump this back to the top and say thank you. 

Although we continued our long ivf journey for 4 more years for a total of 12 fresh cycles with further heartbreak I just couldn't face writing on here. Our consultant was incredible but realistic. We were told a number of times along the road to look at other options but we never could.

Fast forward to last year when we had our 12th cycle and I'm now 24 weeks pregnant. We are still in disbelief but we are looking forward to meeting our long-awaited baby.

My thanks are to Inky2006 for starting the thread because although I didn't contribute much I appreciated the support that she and others gave to me.

I don't know what advice to give anyone facing this -you'd think after 5 years I'd have a few answers! Support from those around you is so important but, if you're like me, it sometimes feels so hard to talk to those closest to you. So coming here and reading messages of support and advice for next steps is a great comfort.

Thank you for reading and sorry if I've waffled on too much. 
Best wishes to all x


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## Springflower

Ahhh congratulations! Lovely news.


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## Helen76

Fantastic news!!! So so pleased for you xxx


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## Blue12

Absolutely amazing. Congrats


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## Inky2006

Hi what an incredible journey you've been on. I am so very happy to hear your news. I started this group at a time when I was feeling an all time low at thinking I would never have children. I hope many people can look at this thread and see that even after many ivf or assisted conception failures, there is still hope and you can't give up. You must keep us updated xxx


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## Lolly1985

Wow, I've just skimmed through and found my first post in 2010! I can't believe all that's happened since that very first cycle. I was crying earlier from sheer exhaustion but the tears were so different to the ones back then. It's also nice to see so many familiar names and read their happy signatures. Congratulations to you all and strength to anyone still enduring IF hell, I hope reading some of these stories gives you hope :hugs:


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## _Nell

woowoo - congratulations and wow that is some journey. amazing dedication to your goal.

what a lovely thread to see bumped up again. so many positive outcomes despite such long, varied and difficult journeys.

love to all, i hate that we went through it - it still hangs like a black bitter cloud for me some days despite getting my lovely girls - but i'm so glad i found such lovely women to share with, raise hope and find answers.


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