# Unplanned pregnancy



## Naturalmystic

I am currently pregnant with my second baby and even though I planned to have my kids close together I did not plan for my babies to be this close in age. As you can imagine I went through alot of emotions when I found out that I was pregnant from shock, guilt, happiness, embarassment the whole nine yards. But with the support and words of encouragement from DH, friends and family I am excited most days but I must admit that I am scared alot of the days too since I worry how I will deal with a toddler and a new born baby.

Anyway I was just wondering whether anyone will support an unplanned pregnancy forum for ladies who find themselves in a similar situation. I realise now this is very common since almost one third of pregnancies are unplanned. Please note that I said unplanned and not unwanted so bear that in mind before anyone gets offended. I just think that it will be nice to have a place where people can speak about their fears and get words of encouragement and support from people who is probably going through the same or went through it before.

Having support and people to talk to really made coming to terms with the pregnancy a whole lot easier and I know that I am lucky to have a great DH but I can't help but think about the thousands of lovely ladies out there who does not have that support.

:cry:


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## LegoHouse

I don't think there is a need to split planned and unplanned pregnancies if they are both wanted pregnancies x


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## Naturalmystic

I disagree because my first baby was planned and the emotions and feelings I felt during that pregnancy was different than what I feel with this one.


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## LegoHouse

Same... but I think my emotions would be different the second time even if they were both planned or both unplanned x


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## Naturalmystic

I totally agree as I expected it to be different for my next baby but I am pretty sure if this baby had been planned some of the emotions that I went through in the beginning would not have been an issue. I definitely would not have needed those words of encouragement from DH and my family since I would have felt more prepared. Maybe its a personal thing because I am such a planner.
:shrug:


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## creolechica3

Naturalmystic said:


> I am currently pregnant with my second baby and even though I planned to have my kids close together I did not plan for my babies to be this close in age. As you can imagine I went through alot of emotions when I found out that I was pregnant from shock, guilt, happiness, embarassment the whole nine yards. But with the support and words of encouragement from DH, friends and family I am excited most days but I must admit that I am scared alot of the days too since I worry how I will deal with a toddler and a new born baby.
> 
> Anyway I was just wondering whether anyone will support an unplanned pregnancy forum for ladies who find themselves in a similar situation. I realise now this is very common since almost one third of pregnancies are unplanned. Please note that I said unplanned and not unwanted so bear that in mind before anyone gets offended. I just think that it will be nice to have a place where people can speak about their fears and get words of encouragement and support from people who is probably going through the same or went through it before.
> 
> Having support and people to talk to really made coming to terms with the pregnancy a whole lot easier and I know that I am lucky to have a great DH but I can't help but think about the thousands of lovely ladies out there who does not have that support.
> 
> :cry:

I wud support it....I to had a second unplanned pregnancy when my son was 2yrs old I got pregnant with my daughter I was very scared nd nervous to hve a toddler nd a newborn nd not to mention I was a single mother but I had support from friends and family.....and I was able to make it through now my son is 8yrs and my daughter is 6yrs old nd I am pregnant again unexpectdly nd I was suprise to find out I was 16 1/2 weeks I couldnt believe it tht I had bypassed the entire first trimester...wit out syptoms but I am going to embrace it I am excited at times nd sometimes I am scared because I am a single mom nd its been a while since I had a newborn bby so it would b nice to talk to other ladies who can relate......:kiss:


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## hellohefalump

I'd support it, it might also be nicer for the people who are long term trying to concieve, because it won't 'rub it in their faces' so much when someone gets pregnant by accident and isn't entirely thrilled. 

My daughter wasn't planned, but I don't regret having her she is very much wanted.


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## NuKe

all my pregnancies have been planned, but I think a seperate area for unplanned pregnancies would be a great idea!


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## keepthefaithx

Its a blessing ...

I wish i had even 1 baby....


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## kit10grl

I wouold support this also having just found myself in the same position, we wanted two but not quite THIS close together. I do feel it brings a lot of different emotions than a planned pregnancy and a pregnancy after long term TTC.

There are TTC forums where women can discuss the planning stages and how they feel, i think its a good idea where some of us can discuss the shock and feelings of being unprepared. Ive had moments where I have thought OMG how did i let this happen so soon, and yes this is a very wanted pregnancy but sometimes i do feel a little stupid for getting pregnant so quick and wouldnt feel comfortablke posting that for some one long term TTC who is so grateful for their pregnancy, (I was two years to concieve my first, hence the reason we thought it would take longer for this time.)

It would also be a place we could post without our unplanned posts being in the same place as someones early miscarriage post. I feel that must be very hard for those posting miscarriage posts to see. If it was seperate they would have the option of not having to see them


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## ZombieQueen

I'd definitely support this, I find it somewhat hard to talk about how I'm feeling because although my baby is 110% wanted, she was very unexpected and I feel like expressing my uneasy emotions might offend or stir up unwanted trouble. I considered adoption for a long time, and even though I now could never even dream of giving her away, I still find myself thinking "holy crap, can I actually do this?!" :dohh:


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## majm1241

I would support it! This pregnancy was unplanned but very much wanted of course. It was a big shock and my emotions still get the best of me because My DH is in the US Army and will be leaving to Korea soon after she is born. :cry: I am excited for her arrival but sad he has to miss the first year like he did with our son while he is away for a year.


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## rockabillymom

This pregnancy for me was very unplanned. It was an emotional rollercoaster for me because we werent ready for another baby. I just had DD only a year ago and was hoping to wait till she was in school till we tried for another. I think it would be nice for an unplanned pregnancy section so that you can vent your feelings more cause most people on here are trying to get pregnant so its hard to talk about how you really didnt want this at first.


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## dustbunny

I like the principle of the idea but I feel that creating another forum for 'unplanned' pregnancies would also include people who found out they were pregnant and were not happy about it and decided against the dreaded and banned A word. I think it might open up a whole new can of worms. 
Yes some pregnancies which are unplanned are considered miracles, some women do accept they are pregnant and are excited but some don't. And I don't think a lot of women on here would appreciate reading about women going down that path whilst they are desperately trying to conceive.


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## Sassychic

I would definitely support it as this second pregnancy of mine was unplanned and I had a mix of emotions during the early parts.

We all have the option to skip over threads/sections that do not apply to us or would make us upset.


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## kit10grl

dustbunny said:


> I like the principle of the idea but I feel that creating another forum for 'unplanned' pregnancies would also include people who found out they were pregnant and were not happy about it and decided against the dreaded and banned A word. I think it might open up a whole new can of worms.
> Yes some pregnancies which are unplanned are considered miracles, some women do accept they are pregnant and are excited but some don't. *And I don't think a lot of women on here would appreciate reading about women going down that path whilst they are desperately trying to conceive.*

I think thats actually the best reason to create a seperate area. Those that dont want to read dont need to pick through these posts in the tri-forums or pregnancy club, they have the option to not see them at all if they are in a seperate place. 

We have a place to celebrate for those who have been TTC, it would be nice to have a place for those who werent to express how they feel too where they wont be judged by people who might struggle to understand their point of view, because of how they feel about their own pregnancy/ TTC journey


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## dustbunny

kit10grl said:


> dustbunny said:
> 
> 
> I like the principle of the idea but I feel that creating another forum for 'unplanned' pregnancies would also include people who found out they were pregnant and were not happy about it and decided against the dreaded and banned A word. I think it might open up a whole new can of worms.
> Yes some pregnancies which are unplanned are considered miracles, some women do accept they are pregnant and are excited but some don't. *And I don't think a lot of women on here would appreciate reading about women going down that path whilst they are desperately trying to conceive.*
> 
> I think thats actually the best reason to create a seperate area. Those that dont want to read dont need to pick through these posts in the tri-forums or pregnancy club, they have the option to not see them at all if they are in a seperate place.
> 
> We have a place to celebrate for those who have been TTC, it would be nice to have a place for those who werent to express how they feel too where they wont be judged by people who might struggle to understand their point of view, because of how they feel about their own pregnancy/ TTC journeyClick to expand...

I'm not opposing the idea outright or trying to be awkward, more so playing devils advocate if you will.
But the forums are open to anyone and even though there are separate forums for different circumstances, that doesn't stop people from going from one to another. As a single mother to be I have seen women who have an OH/DH go onto the singles forum just to bash people because they fail to read the circumstances or just outright ignore them in favour of their own beliefs. As I have also seen on various forums people clashing over things, everything getting heated and threads either closed or 'cleaned up.' In the past I have seen threads by women who are confused and 99% of the replies are basically 'keep the child' more than 'here are the options'... if that makes sense. There will be people who will go onto such a forum just to push the whole pro-life concept.


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## kit10grl

I agree it might be difficult to police. And i do understand that some people would use the area as a 'help me decide' place, but those threads do still happen anyway and as they are gainst forum rules should really get removed wherever they are. Maybe having them in one place might make it easier for the mods to keep track of them?

As you've said there will always be trouble makers who go in areas of the forum where they maybe shouldnt post, but i would hope that they wouldnt be the main reason for not creating an area to discuss the feelings of this section of the members.

You have made me wonder now tho, its a shame that other people can be mean instead of supportive here. like the examples you gave there is really no need for it


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## dustbunny

kit10grl said:


> I agree it might be difficult to police. And i do understand that some people would use the area as a 'help me decide' place, but those threads do still happen anyway and as they are gainst forum rules should really get removed wherever they are. Maybe having them in one place might make it easier for the mods to keep track of them?
> 
> As you've said there will always be trouble makers who go in areas of the forum where they maybe shouldnt post, but i would hope that they wouldnt be the main reason for not creating an area to discuss the feelings of this section of the members.
> 
> You have made me wonder now tho, its a shame that other people can be mean instead of supportive here. like the examples you gave there is really no need for it

The thing with forums on the internet is that people tend to say things they wouldn't dare to if face to face which I think is why there have been some really nasty comments and so forth from time to time. 

But maybe if such threads were all in one place then, as you said, it would be a lot easier to moderate.


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## baby287

I would definitely support that. I 100% want my baby but he /she was also 100% unplanned lol I am thrilled about it, don't get me wrong but there is a lot of stress and anxiety felt when you find out you're pregnant and not ready. Great idea :))


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## Naturalmystic

> I think thats actually the best reason to create a seperate area. Those that dont want to read dont need to pick through these posts in the tri-forums or pregnancy club, they have the option to not see them at all if they are in a seperate place.
> 
> We have a place to celebrate for those who have been TTC, it would be nice to have a place for those who werent to express how they feel too where they wont be judged by people who might struggle to understand their point of view, because of how they feel about their own pregnancy/ TTC journey

This is exactly my point. I think that it will be nice to have a place where I can talk about the good days and bad days of being pregnant without someone saying how I should be grateful to be pregnant, now don't get me wrong I am grateful but there are days when I feel so overwhelmed and I just need someone to say it is going to be alright.

I really think that its difficult for someone who never had an unplanned pregnancy to understand the range of emotions that comes with it. My opinion is that it is really unfair to have ladies who are going through this to have to always be surrounded by all the excitement of those who actually were TTC because it makes you feel more guilty for not being happier.

Maybe a forum like this can be members only so ladies who may be offended cannot accidentally come across these posts.

As for the 'A' word I think that a forum like this can actually help prevent some people from even considering the big 'A' if they have a place to express themselves and get support in the first critical days after getting their BFP.


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## dustbunny

Naturalmystic said:


> I think thats actually the best reason to create a seperate area. Those that dont want to read dont need to pick through these posts in the tri-forums or pregnancy club, they have the option to not see them at all if they are in a seperate place.
> 
> We have a place to celebrate for those who have been TTC, it would be nice to have a place for those who werent to express how they feel too where they wont be judged by people who might struggle to understand their point of view, because of how they feel about their own pregnancy/ TTC journey
> 
> This is exactly my point. I think that it will be nice to have a place where I can talk about the good days and bad days of being pregnant without someone saying how I should be grateful to be pregnant, now don't get me wrong I am grateful but there are days when I feel so overwhelmed and I just need someone to say it is going to be alright.
> 
> I really think that its difficult for someone who never had an unplanned pregnancy to understand the range of emotions that comes with it. My opinion is that it is really unfair to have ladies who are going through this to have to always be surrounded by all the excitement of those who actually were TTC because it makes you feel more guilty for not being happier.
> 
> Maybe a forum like this can be members only so ladies who may be offended cannot accidentally come across these posts.
> 
> As for the 'A' word I think that a forum like this can actually help prevent some people from even considering the big 'A' if they have a place to express themselves and get support in the first critical days after getting their BFP.Click to expand...

Would just like to point out I am fully aware of the emotions which come with unplanned pregnancy as I fell pregnant unplanned at 19 with the father telling me to get rid and he got lost himself. There were complications as well which resulted in me going down the 'A' route for which I am not ashamed at all about hence why I felt it should be thought about when considering such a forum. But with my decision comes the belief in pro-choice not pro-life and although some women use 'A' as a form of contraception [which I also do not agree with] I also don't think it should be seen as something to necessarily try and be prevented. 
I agree with the forum in principle but I'm just trying to highlight that there will be posts by people who do go down the 'A' route which on a board such as this I don't think would sit well with a lot of people... as all the ladies here who have expressed interest in such a forum have decided to keep you LO's and, for major want of better phrasing and please don't take offence, want the confidence boost. But it wouldn't all be nice and shiny and there would be women who want the support for the alternatives. I think if people are prepared for that and the occasional users coming over from other boards to voice their opinions then yeah I would back it.


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## Naturalmystic

> I also don't think it should be seen as something to necessarily try and be prevented

For me the purpose of the forum will not be to try and prevent this but if it does prevent someone from having the big A which they may later regret then I don't see how this can be a bad thing. 

As I said the main purpose will be for giving support to those going through an unplanned pregnancy


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## davidjoemum

Naturalmystic said:


> I am currently pregnant with my second baby and even though I planned to have my kids close together I did not plan for my babies to be this close in age. As you can imagine I went through alot of emotions when I found out that I was pregnant from shock, guilt, happiness, embarassment the whole nine yards. But with the support and words of encouragement from DH, friends and family I am excited most days but I must admit that I am scared alot of the days too since I worry how I will deal with a toddler and a new born baby.
> 
> Anyway I was just wondering whether anyone will support an unplanned pregnancy forum for ladies who find themselves in a similar situation. I realise now this is very common since almost one third of pregnancies are unplanned. Please note that I said unplanned and not unwanted so bear that in mind before anyone gets offended. I just think that it will be nice to have a place where people can speak about their fears and get words of encouragement and support from people who is probably going through the same or went through it before.
> 
> Having support and people to talk to really made coming to terms with the pregnancy a whole lot easier and I know that I am lucky to have a great DH but I can't help but think about the thousands of lovely ladies out there who does not have that support.
> 
> :cry:

i support it 100% and im in the same situation my son was 3 months when i got pregnant again(birth control fail)so my kiddies will be exactly 1 year apart.when we found out i was crying my eyes out feeling guilty that im betraying my Lo and i wont enjoy him as much having newborn to look after too and i was (still i am)scared how do I cope but my OH and MIL supporting me 100% my OH have identical twin brother and he knows how cool is to have full time mate to play with and my Mil obvioustly had twins to raise so she knows i will be fine(sadly she lives in USA)shame i dont have my own parents with me anymore(they passed away)so is only me and OH.and about being embaressed I agree in my case I felt like w***re when i was meeting my mates and they go "oooo u pregnant.....again but in the end of the day Im happy and i wouldn't trade.but the worst part was to tell my boss.
Im suppose to go back to work 15 march(yes in 6 days)and now im due 2nd april so instead going bk to work im going bk on maternity!!!!

good luck to you:thumbup:


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## Thaynes

I fully agree with the creation of the forum. My son was unplanned but I love him more than anything. I did kind of feel strange being like "no I didn't ttc my son." Its not that anybody really made any comments but I'm a nervous person so I was always afraid someone would. I'm not worried about it this time around but I do think it is a great idea.


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## Amarna

I agree too. This one was planned but my daughter wasn't. I was 20 when I found out I was expecting with her and I remember being so scared even though I of course wanted her. There is definitely a huge gap between the emotions of a planned vs. unplanned pregnancy in my experience and I think a dedicated space for women to talk about their feelings and doubts openly without having to worry so much about upsetting or causing distress to those who may have been trying for a long time is a great idea.


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## Naturalmystic

I know a forum like this will help alot of people out there because even though all children are precious gifts not everyone is immediately happy on finding out they are pregnant. for example this lady i know had 4 kids and sacrificed her career to raise them and she and her husband decided that their family was complete and her husband had a vasectomy and she started on her degree then she found out she was pregnant. needless to say she cried everyday of her pregnancy. i also know this lady who was in an abusive relationship and she is a SAHM and she swore that when her youngest is old enough for school she will leave but her youngest start school in september and she is pregnant again.

my point is that not everybody is excited about the prospect of a new baby and they should not be made to feel guilty about it and should have somewhere they can open up and talk about it.


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## YoshiPikachu

I think it is a good idea.


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## YoshiPikachu

davidjoemum said:


> Naturalmystic said:
> 
> 
> I am currently pregnant with my second baby and even though I planned to have my kids close together I did not plan for my babies to be this close in age. As you can imagine I went through alot of emotions when I found out that I was pregnant from shock, guilt, happiness, embarassment the whole nine yards. But with the support and words of encouragement from DH, friends and family I am excited most days but I must admit that I am scared alot of the days too since I worry how I will deal with a toddler and a new born baby.
> 
> Anyway I was just wondering whether anyone will support an unplanned pregnancy forum for ladies who find themselves in a similar situation. I realise now this is very common since almost one third of pregnancies are unplanned. Please note that I said unplanned and not unwanted so bear that in mind before anyone gets offended. I just think that it will be nice to have a place where people can speak about their fears and get words of encouragement and support from people who is probably going through the same or went through it before.
> 
> Having support and people to talk to really made coming to terms with the pregnancy a whole lot easier and I know that I am lucky to have a great DH but I can't help but think about the thousands of lovely ladies out there who does not have that support.
> 
> :cry:
> 
> i support it 100% and im in the same situation my son was 3 months when i got pregnant again(birth control fail)so my kiddies will be exactly 1 year apart.when we found out i was crying my eyes out feeling guilty that im betraying my Lo and i wont enjoy him as much having newborn to look after too and i was (still i am)scared how do I cope but my OH and MIL supporting me 100% my OH have identical twin brother and he knows how cool is to have full time mate to play with and my Mil obvioustly had twins to raise so she knows i will be fine(sadly she lives in USA)shame i dont have my own parents with me anymore(they passed away)so is only me and OH.and about being embaressed I agree in my case I felt like w***re when i was meeting my mates and they go "oooo u pregnant.....again but in the end of the day Im happy and i wouldn't trade.but the worst part was to tell my boss.
> Im suppose to go back to work 15 march(yes in 6 days)and now im due 2nd april so instead going bk to work im going bk on maternity!!!!
> 
> good luck to you:thumbup:Click to expand...


Oh wow! That is interesting. Good luck!


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## fernanda

I totally get where you are coming from!
My situation is a little different, since this is my first baby, but I completely understand your feelings and what you are going through!

Me and my boyfriend have only been together like two months when I found out I was pregnant... what really kept me going at the beginning was his support, which I really didn't expect to be honest. I LOVE my boyfriend, but before he was with me he was kind of an asshole ;) He's 24 but I'm his first real girlfriend - it's the first time in his life that he's in love ;) So if any other girl had come up to him before and told him she was pregnant he probably would have freaked out and wouldn't have wanted it, but now it was all different. He was sooo supportive and told me that even though we've only been together for a short time, we could do this together. He said he'd be there for me and the baby during every step. I was so surprised! I expected him to get scared of such a commitment, but he really surprised me! I was SO SO SO relieved. I don't think I could have handeled it all on my own! And he is really doing his best - he does so much for me and he is there for every appointment at the doctors, he makes lists of names for the little one and he proudly told EVERYONE ;) 
to be honest, more proudly than i did at first....now i'm really happy and wouldn't want it any other way, but my feelings are still pretty confusing... As much as I love the thought of being a mom, I am worried of what it's going to be like walking around with a big baby bump, since I'm only 22. As horrible as that sounds, but I'm afraid what people might think...especially since me and my boyfriend haven't been going out that long. 
Also, I get so scared that I will not be able to handle having a baby. I'm still studying and have another 2 years ahead of me... I have my family's support, but still...a baby is not like a puppy... When I look at my tiny little bump that's now starting to show, I get mixed feelings! Sometimes I feel really really happy about becoming a mom, I think of all the beautiful moments ahead of me like seeing my baby for the first time, holding him/her in my arms.
But then other days...I start crying, because it scares me so much and I don't know if I will be a good mom, I have the worst thoughts, like that everything i had planned out for my life I now won't be able to realize... and I really hate myself for having thoughts like that, but I can't help it :(


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## Naturalmystic

> I totally get where you are coming from!
> My situation is a little different, since this is my first baby, but I completely understand your feelings and what you are going through!
> 
> Me and my boyfriend have only been together like two months when I found out I was pregnant... what really kept me going at the beginning was his support, which I really didn't expect to be honest. I LOVE my boyfriend, but before he was with me he was kind of an asshole He's 24 but I'm his first real girlfriend - it's the first time in his life that he's in love So if any other girl had come up to him before and told him she was pregnant he probably would have freaked out and wouldn't have wanted it, but now it was all different. He was sooo supportive and told me that even though we've only been together for a short time, we could do this together. He said he'd be there for me and the baby during every step. I was so surprised! I expected him to get scared of such a commitment, but he really surprised me! I was SO SO SO relieved. I don't think I could have handeled it all on my own! And he is really doing his best - he does so much for me and he is there for every appointment at the doctors, he makes lists of names for the little one and he proudly told EVERYONE
> to be honest, more proudly than i did at first....now i'm really happy and wouldn't want it any other way, but my feelings are still pretty confusing... As much as I love the thought of being a mom, I am worried of what it's going to be like walking around with a big baby bump, since I'm only 22. As horrible as that sounds, but I'm afraid what people might think...especially since me and my boyfriend haven't been going out that long.
> Also, I get so scared that I will not be able to handle having a baby. I'm still studying and have another 2 years ahead of me... I have my family's support, but still...a baby is not like a puppy... When I look at my tiny little bump that's now starting to show, I get mixed feelings! Sometimes I feel really really happy about becoming a mom, I think of all the beautiful moments ahead of me like seeing my baby for the first time, holding him/her in my arms.
> But then other days...I start crying, because it scares me so much and I don't know if I will be a good mom, I have the worst thoughts, like that everything i had planned out for my life I now won't be able to realize... and I really hate myself for having thoughts like that, but I can't help it

Congratulations! I am so happy that you have the love and support of your boyfriend because that really makes things a whole lot easier. I understand about the up and down days because I have them myself but I found that as I get closer to my due date I am have less and less down days, and now that I can really feel the baby kick I am more excited.


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## BabyKiwi

I would support one. I found out I was pregnant while in the middle of getting my degree and my OH is in the middle of getting his masters. Pill and condom failure. We are the 1 percent, lol. 

We decided to keep the spawnling pretty quickly and even though we are in a difficult financial situation it won't be forever. But it would be nice to have somewhere to go on the days that I want to be all "I have assignments due and OH is finishing his thesis and we are deciding between petrol or meat this week and I'm so STRESSED, WHAT WAS I THINKING???"


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## whoknowsx

fernanda said:


> I totally get where you are coming from!
> My situation is a little different, since this is my first baby, but I completely understand your feelings and what you are going through!
> 
> Me and my boyfriend have only been together like two months when I found out I was pregnant... what really kept me going at the beginning was his support, which I really didn't expect to be honest. I LOVE my boyfriend, but before he was with me he was kind of an asshole ;) He's 24 but I'm his first real girlfriend - it's the first time in his life that he's in love ;) So if any other girl had come up to him before and told him she was pregnant he probably would have freaked out and wouldn't have wanted it, but now it was all different. He was sooo supportive and told me that even though we've only been together for a short time, we could do this together. He said he'd be there for me and the baby during every step. I was so surprised! I expected him to get scared of such a commitment, but he really surprised me! I was SO SO SO relieved. I don't think I could have handeled it all on my own! And he is really doing his best - he does so much for me and he is there for every appointment at the doctors, he makes lists of names for the little one and he proudly told EVERYONE ;)
> to be honest, more proudly than i did at first....now i'm really happy and wouldn't want it any other way, but my feelings are still pretty confusing... As much as I love the thought of being a mom, I am worried of what it's going to be like walking around with a big baby bump, since I'm only 22. As horrible as that sounds, but I'm afraid what people might think...especially since me and my boyfriend haven't been going out that long.
> Also, I get so scared that I will not be able to handle having a baby. I'm still studying and have another 2 years ahead of me... I have my family's support, but still...a baby is not like a puppy... When I look at my tiny little bump that's now starting to show, I get mixed feelings! Sometimes I feel really really happy about becoming a mom, I think of all the beautiful moments ahead of me like seeing my baby for the first time, holding him/her in my arms.
> But then other days...I start crying, because it scares me so much and I don't know if I will be a good mom, I have the worst thoughts, like that everything i had planned out for my life I now won't be able to realize... and I really hate myself for having thoughts like that, but I can't help it :(


This is so similar to me. Only was with my boyfriend for 2 months when I got pregnant and we were so rocky anyway. So I have a mix feeling about this pregnancy -- I'm ashamed that we dated for such a short time and im pregnant, and I also feel bad for those moments when Im ashamed because I see a baby as a blessing.

I totally support an unplanned pregnancy forum.

Afterall my pregnancy was completely unplanned.... I went through shock and depression before I was even able to smile. I cried when I saw my pregnancy test -- not out of joy but out of fear.

Thats COMPLETELY different than what I envisioned for my first pregnancy.


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## Asti

I would definately support it. I know having a baby is a precious gift, but we dont all feel positive feelings about it all of the time. I felt worried, scared, wondered if I would ever feel good about being pregnant this 3rd time, and when I came on here, didnt feel I could share this in any of the areas. I am now over those feelings and would love to be able to support other parents through these difficult feelings.


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## jasminejo24

i agree this forum would be a good idea as it does feel terrible to mention your not happy some days when there are women here who are trying so hard to have even 1 child

i do however agree that this forum would have to be moderated a lot more than other forums not just because women who are thinking about the A route will post on them but also because a few women who come on the forum to be reassured may see a post by someone who wants to take the A route and might decide to do the same based on the points put forward by the woman who is thinking of the A route.

i think regardless of your circumstances baby and bump should be a place to help all women and men ttc, pregnant or moms or dads allready wether your having a good day and want to share the news or a bad day and want advice and cuddles.


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## Naturalmystic

it is amazing how you feel as though your world is crashing down when you find out your pregnant with a baby that you are not ready for. i must admit to get me through those initial days i visited other sites to get that support and what i found was very nice they had information regarding adoption and they had links where you can actually visit if you were struggling with deciding what to do. it was also nice to read the experience of lovely ladies who told their stories about how distraught they were but how now looking back they will not change a thing. I just felt sad that bnb did not have a similar forum


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## Brieanna

I would support it completely! I agree with what other people have said about this.

It is completely different to ttc forever and then get pregnant and see posts in first-tri about how other pregnancies were unplanned. It is very easy to get bitter when reading posts about others who got what you wanted without even trying while you would have sold your soul to have one.

This forum should be a place where people feel comfortable talking about their feelings, no matter what, imo. Just like there are people who try forever, suffer many hardships, spend lots of time/money to get pregnant and have emotions to talk about, there are people who have an unplanned pregnancy who have emotions to talk about. I don't think one persons emotions are more/less important than the others. :flower:

I do think it should be moderated more or even made where you have to be approved to post in it because I can see how it could open LOTS of cans of worms, lol. :)


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## Naturalmystic

hi

just wanted to give you ladies an update, my lil princess is here, she came 10 days early after giving us a minor scare since she was breech up to a few days before her birth. I must admit that my birth experience with her was far more positive than my first. I feel in love with her alot sooner than i did with my first as well, she is so precious and I am so in love with her that I now feel the timing for her arrival was perfect and I will not change it if I could. sometime i can't believe i was so upset and worried about her arrival since most of the things i was worried about hasn't even occurred. My son does not seem jealous at all as he loves his lil sister and I still find time to shower him with love. Don't get me wrong sometimes its rough but its definitely doable.

She is truly a gift from God and she is here when she was suppose to be.

Hope that this can offer some words of encouragement to any ladies who find themselves in a similar situation.


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## Samiam03

It would be nice to have an unplanned forum. I haven't read through this whole thread yet but I disagree with the first person who replied. While I want my daughter NOW, when I found out and up until I'd say 16 weeks, I was not at ALL thrilled to be pregnant. It sucks too how everyone around me gets pregnant on accident and they are all so excited right away. I did think about abortion in the beginning (I didn't do it though so I don't want any comments about it) and adoption but my husband would never go along with it. We were planning on starting to try next year but the difference between THIS year and NEXT year are pretty huge...I was trying to make use of my college degree and get a job...and ontop of it my son (who was 14 months when I found out) was starting to become stressful because he is starting to pop up with a lot of delays that I have to deal with ontop of having my pregnancy and a newborn. It would have been so nice to have someone say "i understand" instead of condemning me for not jumping for joy right away.

Like I said, now I do want her and I do love her...and we can afford her...but this pregnancy is still nothing like my (planned) son's was...I'm still worried all the time and stressed out about my son's problems and I'm not really enjoying this pregnancy or as in awe as I was with my son.


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## Kezbob

This would be a great idea, I've found out 5 weeks ago I was 26 weeks pregnant. I have been ill for three years with stomach issues so I just Put pregnancy symptoms down to that as they are both similar. I've had to leave my job and my OH has just started a new business so this was the worst timing but once we got our heads around it I can't wait to meet my little girl. The emotions u go through with an unplanned pregnancy are different to a planned one. A place were we could go to get support while u figure out your feelings would be great xx


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## oliviarose

I think it would be an excellent idea... Going through now it first hand I totally understand it......

We found out on Mon that I am expecting again and boy are we not happy about it (me more so). We had decided last month that we didn't want anymore children (currently have two)... We realised that we couldn't comfortably afford another one and our DS (19 months) is such hard work, we didn't want to put even more stress onto our family..... It took 9 months to fall pregnant with DS, so having only DTD twice since we decided no more babies how the hell did we fall pregnant.... DS so wanted and months of trying.... It seems so unfair......

This pregnancy is still not wanted on my part (don't get me wrong I will never consider the A word) and it is going to take a long while for me to come to terms with it........ And I feel so awful for saying this... It is also a honeymoon baby which makes these feelings even worse :(

I know that every baby is a blessing, but in my mind my family was complete... We had decided what memories we were going to make as a family... They aren't going to be possible now as we won't be able to afford it....... I know that money isn't everything, but I don't want my children going without..........

I feel so lonely at the moment, I have no one to talk to... So a section like this would be wonderful for me......


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## Naturalmystic

i so understand what you are going through oliviarose. i really felt devastated when i found out i was pregnant and i felt that this baby will ruin my life since it was unplanned, but as i got further along in my pregnancy i felt more and more excited about the baby, don't get me wrong there were days that were still a struggle but as I said I survived and now I understand that she was meant to be here. everything will turn out fine. babies bring there own blessings :)


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## Emma11511

i just wanted to say that although my baby was planned, if ANYONE finds themself in a situation with an unplanned pregnancy and feels they have noone to talk to, please private message me. i don't believe in judging people, it's not my place to do so. it breaks my heart to read how upset and lonely some of you feel, noone deserves to feel alone :flower:


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## Seity

Hi, we didn't want anymore. More than happy with just the one. So, it was a bit of a shock when I got my BFP. We'd only had sex the once in the 2 months prior to getting the BFP and apparently that was all it took. I mean, I'm turning 39 next month. It should be hard to get pregnant!
We had our scan this morning and everything is looking perfect so far. Saw the heart beating. I was happy because, I'm pregnant, I don't want anything to be wrong with my baby, but at the same time me and my OH got in the car after and turned to each other and were like, "Oh fuck, it's really real. We're going to have another kid!" 
I hate babies. The first year of my son's life was very traumatic for me. I suffered (self diagnosed) PTSD from the sleep deprivation. (He woke every 1-2 hours the entire first year) I have a hard time being happy for other people who are pregnant, who actually want to be, because the idea of having a baby again fills me with dread.
I know that this baby might be different. I pray every day that will be the case, but there's no guarantee of that. We've got plenty of time to come to terms with this and it helps that the grandparents are thrilled, but we have no family nearby to help. I hope we can afford a second. There's no way we can stay in our current house, there's just not enough room, but I just refinanced the 2nd mortgage, so we have to stay at least another 2 years and somehow make it work.
I had low milk supply issues and couldn't get a pump to do a thing and my husband is a SAHD, so I have to go back to work after 6-8 weeks. I worry I'll have problems with my milk supply again.
I believe everything happens for a reason. I know we'll be ok and I think my OH is taking the news better than me, but it's hard to be excited about things right now.
Probably the best thing to come out of this news is my OH has finally agreed to get the vasectomy I've been asking him to get since the birth of our son.


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## Naturalmystic

:hugs:
I hope that you have things alot easier this time. My son was really a handful as a baby but so far my daughter has been alot easier. I actually feel more rested with the baby than I used to feel when I only had my son lol. It is early days yet so we will see if that changes.

As you said there is alot of time to get used to the idea of having a new baby, as I said in a earlier post none of the things that I spent so much time worrying about came to past so far, so try to enjoy your pregnancy as best as you can. :hugs:


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## Lois22

100% support an unplanned section! Our baby was totally unplanned and wrong timing. It's taking me until 4 weeks before she's due to get excited. I've been through a lot of depression, anxiety and wondering whether this is right. I also mentioned the adoption route a few times to start with. Which none of my family were supportive with. I felt very trapped at times and feel talking to someone in the same situation would of helped :) 

Xx


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## AngelofTroy

I would support it. Let me just start by saying our baby is VERY much wanted. I was even a regular in the Waiting To Try section of this forum and we have always wanted children. 

However! We were newly engaged when we found out, we were planning on waiting until after the wedding and had just started to plan and save. We had also saved up a deposit for a house but didn't want to buy OH found a job in an area we liked enough to buy in!!

It was tough, it was only a year or so before we planned on starting a family but it changed a lot of our plans. 

Now we've got our heads around it, we're very excited. We can't wait for LO to be born and are excited about the prospect of a little paige boy or flower girl toddling down the aisle with us. We've agreed to stay in our rented house a few more years and OH is staying in his stable job for now as changing jobs would mean a probabtion period and we simply can't risk that right now. 

I would have really appreciated somewhere to discuss all the feelings involved when we first found out. At the time I felt it was too insensitive to those who had been TTC for a long time to even mention that our pregnancy had thrown our plans up in the air. I felt that my only option was to be grateful. 

Like I said, this baby means everything to us now, but in an ideal world would they have arrived a year later? Maybe. Which is a hard thing to admit, even to myself.


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## embo216

I would love a section like this, Im feeling so lost and scared. :cry:


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## Smudgelicious

100% support from me. This is an unplanned pregnancy. We'd thought about another at the start of the year, but after a lot of discussion, we felt very confident we were finished. I'd lost that 'feeling', you know, the baby feeling ?

3 days before DH's vasectomy appt - BFP. It was awful, stress, tears, agony, just awful. We even did talk about 'A' which i never thought would ever come up. We've accepted it now, but it's a different feeling.

I would love the chance to talk to others in the same situation.:flower:


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## Naturalmystic

My daughter is 2 1/2 months now and I thank God for her every single day, she is so adorable that it is hard to believe a few months ago I was dreading her arrival. I am so in love with her and she is such a lovely baby, I now feel that the timing of her arrival is perfect. I still make time for my son and he does not appears to be negatively affected by her arrival and I did not rob him of the care and attention I was so convinced that he will be missing out on, as a matter of fact I think he gets alot more hugs and kisses and undivided attention than he did before her arrival. I also feel better able to take care of him because I am not tired all the time as I was during pregnancy.

Thanks to all the lovely ladies who offered support during my pregnancy, it really helped to have somewhere to vent my anxiety and fears.

:cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9:


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## MumToEva

I'm not in that situation myself, in that all my pregnancies were planned, but I totally support it. You can't know how it feels to be in a certain situation unless you have been there, so to be able to go to a specific place and know that you can get support and advice from others in the same situation would seem like an excellent idea. The emotions associated with unplanned pregnancy are just as valid as those associated with say LTTTC, so why not have a specific place to express them. I can see what others are saying about it being potentially difficult for those LTTTC and those suffering miscarriages/stillbirths etc, but surely the same could be said about pregnancy club or the trimester boards. I agree with the OP that that would seem a valid reason for having a separate section - that way they don't accidentally click on posts that end up causing offence/ hurt.


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## Barnesmaries

Hi. just been reading through the comments on your post.
Im in the same situation. 8 weeks pregnant with an unplanned baby. and im struggling to feel how I did first time round when pregnant with my daughter.
Reading your progress though has given me hope.. Thank you. I hope things go the same way for me and I can enjoy my 2 children as much are you are!


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## Hangin_On_AGS

I support this forum. This LO was not planned and I'm having a mix of crazy guilty emotions. I was one of those long term ttcers and I would look at the emotions of mothers with unplanned and say they have no clue what they have. and now i'm on the other side of that fence having those same emotions and I have to imagine there are other women like i was when i was ltttc who don't want to see it and dont understand


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## nov_mum

I totally support a forum for unplanned pregnancies. I have three children, close in age and all 3 or under. We had made the decision that our family was complete and then found ourselves pregnant after a contraception fail. I looked for answers and searched forums but there is little in the way of support unless you are a teen it seems. Apparently 30 something year olds with a husband and kids already don't have that issue hahaha. Well it was a pretty huge deal in our house. We both felt incredibly shocked and overwhelmed with the idea. Financially we are not in a great position and I have complicated pregnancies also which places more burden on the family. We made a decision to carry on with the pregnancy and are looking at ways to make this work financially. We felt incredibly guilty that we were not instantly overjoyed and excited and I bet myself up about that for a bit. I know of other couples where it has split them up so it is a huge deal for many. Some have been really supportive and said, unplanned pregnancies are just how many families are made which kinda normalises it but in this day and age having kids you can't afford, financial responsibilities to attend to and no family around makes unplanned pregnancies a rather huge deal. Just getting tips on managing, words of advice from others and knowing that once a decision is made and a game plan in place you can accomplish it. I know children are a blessing but sometimes when you are thinking that you will lose your home it makes it a little harder to see that at the time.


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## Dahlia2007

I would support this!

My first pregnancy was not planned. It was crazily emotional, especially with me being unmarried. I totally wanted my baby, but there were many emotional issues I carried around from the situation.

This time around, the pregnancy was totally planned and I felt so liberated to know that it was planned for. It was a great feeling.


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## Firefly83

This is my first pregnancy and it was not planned. I am thrilled to have a baby on the way, but the situation is less than desirable. I had been going between TTC and Not preventing/not actively trying off and on for over 2 years. My husband and I split up, we both cheated on eachother and I got pregnant by another man. I have always wanted children, but not like this. I feel like I have already ruined my child's life and they haven't even been born yet! I am in a really sticky situation and would love to know if there is anyone else out there that may be in a similar situation.


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## younglove

I would support this. For an unplanned pregnancy, the prepping (emotionally, financially, and otherwise) might be different, more condensed and greater than for a planned pregnancy. I would support this forum as it might provide additional support to women (and men) who are trying to cope with their surprise BFP without any additional guilt.

I hope this request is seriously considered by the forum moderators, in order to provide needed support the women in such circumstances :flower:


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## J04NN4

I think this would be a great idea. This pregnancy was unplanned. Although I was desperate for a baby and was in fact a regular on the WTT board here we had decided to wait for various reasons - and lo and behold, one split condom created this little one :haha:

I'm thrilled to bits now, can't wait to meet my baby and love it more than anything. All I've ever wanted was to be a mum and now I've got my head round it all I'm so happy it's happening sooner rather than later. But it was that period - the 'getting my head round it' - that I felt totally alone. All the friends I'd made here were still waiting and I felt like a fraud around other women who'd actually 'tried' for their babies. There was never any doubt in my mind that we'd keep this baby but a sounding board for other people who were freaking out would have been fantastic. Having to abandon all our well thought out plans was very difficult for me and I was made to feel ungrateful sometimes by other people who just told me how lucky I was - I know that, but that doesn't mean everything is always 100% rosy. Life isn't as simple as that!

So all in all, I support this whole heartedly for everyone's sake - the women who find themselves with an unplanned pregnancy who need to vent as well as the women who are trying/have tried for ages and feel (understandably) that it's somehow unjust that other people aren't 100% happy about falling by accident.


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## Seity

I support this even more after basically being called an ungrateful bitch and ganged up on by a whole bunch of other girls on this forum last night. I'm still dealing with the sleep deprivation trauma from my son and don't appreciate having my feelings poo poo'd.
I'm sorry that some woman have experienced loss or trouble conceiving, but that doesn't make my emotions any less than theirs.


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## shocker

I think this is a great idea, this baby was unplanned, hes very much loved and adored but I had just gotten to the point in my life where I was ok with not being a mum, where I had finally come to be at peace with being around other pregnant women and babies after my loss and had to give up my career, my friends and my flat to move to my home country just to have this little guy, I would do it again in a heartbeat but i did/do feel quite alone in those terrified moments and would really have benefited from speaking to someone in a similar situation especially at the start, so long as it was clear that that forum section was for very loved and wanted babies, albeit at a time that may not have been ideal then i would definatly support it


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## laila 44

I think this section is great. I fell pregnant when my daughter was9 months old this past march. It was totally unplanned and I cried endlessly when I found out even though dh was thrilled... I was not ready yet after having gone through a lot of drama with my dd. I totally understand those feelings. I felt alone and afraid... Didn't think anyone understood. Well that pregnancy ended in a mc at 12 weeks ( my sig is wrong I haven't changed it yet) which made me really feel even worse and super guilty. I think every aby is a blessing but it can be difficult when it was not planned. We all come around and it just takes time. I would have loved to chat with women in similar situations at the time....


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## OmiOmen

I support that idea. However only if it was a request access part of the forum. I know that people WTT, TTC, LTTTC and going through losses who look in other parts of the forum knowing it will only make them feel worse and I do not think those people should have access to this potential part of the forum. 

I agree that when a woman has an unplanned pregnancy regardless of if it was a great surprise or full of worries they should have a place to talk about it. But I also agree than it is very hard for some people to read about it and I think a request access section would be the ideal solution to both these things.

All of 4 my pregnancies were planned and I do not think we will ever be in the situation of unplanned pregnancy (once we are done we are thinking of permanent contraception). But because I do not know how it feels to have an unplanned pregnancy and because my first was a MMC and second was a MC and because I had to do a lot of waiting before TTC my son and this pregnancy I do find it hard to read about unplanned ones. I am not saying others feelingly are not valid but simply that people such as myself do not have the experience to give advice to offer and can find it difficult to read about. Frankly if I think back to the mess I was in after having a MMC and MC in the space of a few months reading about someone talking about the worries of unplanned pregnancy would have made me cry for the rest of the day. Once again, I am not saying their feelings would not be valid just that maybe a different place for those feelings might be the best solution.


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