# Infertile people are annoying.



## tamithomas

Ok Ladies n Gents, I gotta get something off of my chest. As infertility makes more awareness, I have been coming across more and more blogs on other sites about how apparently us infertile are annoying. Apparently we should:

-Get over ourselves
-Just adopt
-We do not have a right to be pissed off at other women for being pregnant
-We are selfish
-Infertility is not a disease and should not be treated as such, if you want a baby so damn bad suck it up and pay for the treatments yourself
-Just suck is up and go to the baby showers and be happy for everyones pregnancies

the one that got me really shaken by disgust was: They should just shut up and stop whining, this world is already over populated as it is and they're doing the world a favor.... this came from a husband that had been TTC'ing with his wife for 20 years saying that it was just for his wife he even bothered TTC'ing, I felt so bad for the wife while reading that.

Has anyone else been falling on these blogs lately? A part of me boils like a kettle while reading this as it's usually those who pop them out at ease who make these blogs who only TTC for a year before conceiving. What do you think the problem is, a misunderstanding about infertility or insensitivity?


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## StephieB

I've never read any of them, and if I did I would probably try and delete the stuff from my mind entirely. Nothing annoys me more than people who just don't understand!! 

I was having this discussion with DH the other evening after we finally told our families we were LTTTC, and it annoys me that people just don't understand or realise what it is! Its never represented ANYWHERE! You don't see charities supporting new infertility investigations, or support groups advertised on TV, and people just think it never happens. My Dh and I were married 8 months ago, and all we've gotten from friends and family is "Oh you'll be having kids soon" or "enjoy the piece and quiet when it lasts" and I just think people assume everyone is capable of having children because they don't know any different! 

For all of the people who make flippant comments about infertility, I would love for them to have their hearing, sight or ability to walk taken away for a day or two, then just say to them "Thats something thats every human should be able to naturally do, but you can't? shame. get over it" (bit extreme I know :haha:)

:devil:


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## mjemma

It's not just blogs but mainstream media too. The Daily Mail seems to have a constant surge of provocative articles about IVF followed by streams of ignorant, offensive comments by their readers. 

The ones that rile me the most are:
-A baby is not a right, its a gift (usually said by mothers, and often by those who conceived v.easily)
-If you can't afford the money for IVF how can you afford a child (firstly IVF is not like buying a pony, it's an expensive gamble and secondly, there are millions of people who can't afford children that we are funding and they got knocked up naturally)
-NHS shouldn't pay for fertility treatments, it should be spent on life saving work (then lets stop funding hip replacements, treating facial deformities or giving disabled people wheelchairs too shall we!!)

Grrrr!


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## PocoHR

I think its just pure insensitivity. Some people have very little empathy and they can't imagine even how it would feel to not have children. Those who accuse people with fertility problems of being selfish or who recommend we get over ourselves are not even worth paying attention to, in my opinion. They are clearly the ones who are so selfish that they can't even sympathize on a basic level with another human being's pain. 

As far as people who say we have no right to be pissed at others for getting pregnant, I agree with them. We are all absoutely allowed to become pregnant and be happy, and should be able to do so without facing the anger of someone else. I also agree that even though you have fertility problems, you should make an effort to be happy for others who are pregnant. Maybe that doesn't mean you attend a baby shower, because that is tough, but you should send a present and give congratulations, and visit once the baby is born. I get jealous and sad too, but I try to remind myself that its not MY baby they are carrying. Its their baby. They are entitled to get pregnant and give birth to their baby and it doesn't have anything to do with me. I don't agree with people who close themselves off completely from pregnant friends, I think its one thing to pull away a little, that is understandable, but we should all still have respect and kindness for others who are pregnant. 

As far as infertility not being a disease, that is just stupid. Obviously, every person should be able to get pregnant. When you can't, its because of a medical problem, or better put: a disease. Its a medical problem with medical solutions, and that is what healthcare exists for. 

That Dad who made that terrible comment about overpopulation, I don't know. While it is an awful thing to say, I wonder how true it is, or how much of it comes from defenses he has built over years of infertility. Its hard on men too, and sometimes we say stupid things out of pain and disappointment. What he said was wrong, but I guess I question whether or not he actually meant something like that.


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## zanDark

yeah it's easy to judge when you pop kids out like there's no tomorrow :growlmad:

people that say that infertile couples are annoying are the kind of ANNOYING people that conceived on the first try and think you're obviously doing something wrong and want to offer you their helpful advice.


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## shorman

thats aweful i havent suffered from fertility problems but i sympathise with what you ladies have to go through, also i must say though as much as women who dont understand because untill your put into that situation you cant understand fully how it feels its also true and very sad for some ladies do delibratley cut of all there friends that are pregnant and cant be happy for them and get consumed in jelousy end up bitter so theres two sides to the story but i dont understand how some people can say people having problems concieving are annoying they must have no compassion at all for others, hope you ladies dont mind me posting here, big hugs


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## Gina91

That's disgusting. Can't say I've ever seen anything of the sort. I hate the fact there are so many waste of space parents going around at the moment but the people who really deserve and will care for a child properly have trouble.... 
The people who write these things are clearly ignorant - not even worth thinking about... 
Every woman should get the chance to be a mummy.


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## Gina91

mjemma said:


> -If you can't afford the money for IVF how can you afford a child (firstly IVF is not like buying a pony, it's an expensive gamble and secondly, there are millions of people who can't afford children that we are funding and they got knocked up naturally)
> -NHS shouldn't pay for fertility treatments, it should be spent on life saving work (then lets stop funding hip replacements, treating facial deformities or giving disabled people wheelchairs too shall we!!)
> 
> Grrrr!

Don't even get me started! My sister spends a fortune on ivf which has failed 4 times now! People who have treatment are more likely to feel more grateful to have a baby, but like you say, we're left funding the irresponsibles who get pregnant at the drop of a hat.... 

I think i need to leave this thread! Haha!


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## Lily7

I think they are just under-educated on infertility through no fault of their own because admittedly I didn't know too much when I embarked on this everlasting journey. BUT like my Mother always taught me, "if you haven't got anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" I think they should take heed of that and if they don't fully understand something or are just plain ignorant to it then they shouldn't make negative comments.

Also like someone else said earlier, it's always the ones that have 3 kids in tow that they have spat out that most likely we are paying for that always pipe up and have something to say! 

And I am one of those people who gets upset when I hear of pregnancies etc but I wish I didn't feel that way but you can't control your feelings can you? So yes, unless you have walked in my shoes, don't comment on how I should or shouldn't feel!!


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## Armywife84

It's a combination of ignorance and insensitivity. Those people who write that garb never struggled to conceive. What's funny is some of them probably live off benefits, and my tax money is probably supporting their little family (Not taking a stab at those who need benefits, but those who abuse the system). 

I cut myself off from pregnant people because that's part of my coping mechanism with IF. Unfortunately, I'm not taking this struggle well and have developed depression and anxiety. Thus seeing a baby or being around pregnant women can trigger an anxiety attack. It's best that I stay far away.


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## Arcanegirl

Thread tidied up, things said have been apologised for and I have passed on the request made in help and testing onto admin :hugs:


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## zanDark

Arcanegirl said:


> Thread tidied up, things said have been apologised for and I have passed on the request made in help and testing onto admin :hugs:

thank you so much hun :hugs: I really appreciate your hard work and that you're keeping an eye out on us :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## tamithomas

Arcanegirl said:


> Thread tidied up, things said have been apologised for and I have passed on the request made in help and testing onto admin :hugs:

thank you, was wondering how the thread instantly got shorter lol. These things happen when sensitives topics come up, keeping doing what do you best :) much love! xox


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## rosebud_01_99

hi , i was wondering why my post was deleted and why i cant see any replies that were made, very annoying as i made a valid point? rosebud


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## tamithomas

rosebud_01_99 said:


> hi , i was wondering why my post was deleted and why i cant see any replies that were made, very annoying as i made a valid point? rosebud

Any posts that were related to the under the belt comment that was left have been deleted by one of the admins and fairly so, we made great points but it's only a downer in the end as this website is for support and understanding. :hugs:


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## rosebud_01_99

i understand that but i still feel i should have been able to view any replies than had been made when i next logged on, 

i just hope that our replies made the person who made the comment think twice about being so judgemental in future, all we really want is for those lucky enough to be fertile to just have a bit of compassion for those of us who have through no fault of our own have been left childless.

rosebud


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## tamithomas

rosebud_01_99 said:


> i understand that but i still feel i should have been able to view any replies than had been made when i next logged on,
> 
> i just hope that our replies made the person who made the comment think twice about being so judgemental in future, all we really want is for those lucky enough to be fertile to just have a bit of compassion for those of us who have through no fault of our own have been left childless.
> 
> rosebud

Totally understand, gonna give the admin credit though unlike other websites, these ones actually keep up to par with keeping things clean :) That was the point i was trying to make to the person before too was we have no bitterness for pregnant people themselves, just we give compassion to them how about giving a little back kinda thing. 

But at least infertility is making light more and more in the public eye. Just recently I had to block my SIL from my news feed because she just had a baby and even though she knows her biological sister had 3 MC and my DH are are unable to conceive naturally and she knows this,she insists on her whole facebook being surrounded by her son. Kid's only a month old and already has 50 pictures uploaded of him, profile picture:him, timeline banner:him, status: him. No sensitivity at all. On her part it's plain ignorance because she's fully aware she has infertility around her. sending babydust all around :hugs:


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## beegray

I think I might have actually read the same thing a few weeks ago. I must admit I actually felt extremely hurt. We have no control over the conditions that we have that cause infertility. Yes, we get jealous wen we see other pg women and it bloodly well hurts! Not only jealousy, it's anger at the unfairness of life where most of us are in a good position to raise a child yet pple that do drugs, sleep around and can barely hold a job together r the ones falling pg???? It hurts when someone close to u falls pg and has a baby bcause all u want to do is feel the same thing! Go thru the same thing! We pull away because more often then not it would cause more damage to the relationship to stay close to that friend / family member. We pull away to try protect what little sanity we have left. Adoption? Do pple not understand the PROCESS it takes to go thru. With an adoption and not only that the pain of having a door slammed in your face? It's not like going to a shop, picking a child from the shelf, paying and walking out!!!!! IVF? Well, it takes about a month on bc, then another 5 weeks (correct if I'm wrong here) before anything else can happen, it's a highly invasive process and also a very expensive gamble. Sure, it's like deciding if you want a bath or a shower? Really???? Do people think it's just a quick fix? That snap your fingers and all of these are done? Ok so maybe ranting alittle but ignorance is not excusable. It's downright harmful to other people!!!!!! The amount of times I have skirted on the edge of depression while ttc is scary. My dh has been my only beacon and sometimes it hits him hard too! Women who have been LTTTC should get medals for making it through alive and in one piece! Each day is a struggle of being reminded of what u so desperately want, reminded constantly of what ur body can't do? Every hope and dream slipping away as another month passes till eventually you fully understand that this will more than likely NEVER happen for you! It's crushing and to have ignorant morons slamming on top of daily struggles? I think not!!!!!!! Rant over! Lol!


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## Lily7

Well said beegray x


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## NavyWife84

BeeGray...I couldn't have said it better! Thank you.


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## hopefull85

infertility sucks, i have to deal with people everyday that dont understand what i have to go through on a daily basis. i have been called selfish by close family members. my 22 yr old sister in law just had her 2nd child yesterday and wanted me to be in the room with her. honestly that was the hardest thing i had to do. i tried so hard to keep tears from coming out. everyone seems to think that we just walk around and get mad at every woman who is pregnant. the only thing we are upset about is the fact that its not us. if you knew someone that was ill, didnt have legs, couldnt see. or hear, wouldnt you try to say things that wouldnt upset them. then the people that are close to you should watch what they say. we can only be strong for a little while then we hit that wall and have to break down. some of the things that i have heard from friends and family are
1.wait til your second husband
2. just relax, it just because you want it so bad
3. stop being so selfish
4. oh it will happen just give it time

what angers me is that im 26 will be 27 this month and have never had a BFP but 23 yr old brother and his wife have 2 ( 5yr old and newborn) they were living with my parents but are now staying with my older sister. and they think its ok to keep having kids, i have a friend who is also younger than me who has a 3yr old and when she found out she was pregnant she and her mother talked about abortion she was even a whiny hefer because it was a boy and not a girl. she lives with her lazy husband at her mother in laws house because they couldnt afford the place the were in a year ago and yet trying to get pregnant again. i am married and have been for 5 years my husband makes good money all my bills get paid and i dont have to have the government or anyone else's help and yet i have to struggle to get pregnant. thats what i cant understand. i am so tired of always having to go through so much for the things i want. this should be the one thing that comes easy and yet my body fails me. thanks goodness for BNB


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## PocoHR

While I hate infertility, I have to say, I don't expect people to be especially sensitive to me. I feel like its my job to protect my own feelings. I get jealous and angry too, but I know its my problem, not someone else's. It does not bother me when people post pics of their kids on fb. I think its normal and healthy that they do that. Of course they are excited. I don't begrudge other people their children, no matter what kind of parents they are. Different backgrounds and upbringings make people more interesting, and its good to have all kinds in the world. My mother has drug problems, and has for most of my life, and I am not sorry she is mom. 

I don't know ltttc is hard, maybe I haven't been at it long enough to become truly upset (almost 2 years ttc here), but I think I have an obligation to try and not let it totally make me bitter and hateful to people who have what I don't. And when people say stupid or hurtful things, I just make it a point to never talk about ttc with them again.

I hope this doesn't make anyone upset, and when people come out and actually attack those who struggle with infertility, I think that is really wrong, and a horse of a different color. But I don't think my infertility should affect other people from doing normal things like having kids and being excited about it. I don't know, I just wanted to throw this out there. Hopefully we will all get our bfps soon and none of this will be a problem anymore! :dust:


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## tamithomas

PocoHR said:


> While I hate infertility, I have to say, I don't expect people to be especially sensitive to me. I feel like its my job to protect my own feelings. I get jealous and angry too, but I know its my problem, not someone else's. It does not bother me when people post pics of their kids on fb. I think its normal and healthy that they do that. Of course they are excited. I don't begrudge other people their children, no matter what kind of parents they are. Different backgrounds and upbringings make people more interesting, and its good to have all kinds in the world. My mother has drug problems, and has for most of my life, and I am not sorry she is mom.
> 
> I don't know ltttc is hard, maybe I haven't been at it long enough to become truly upset (almost 2 years ttc here), but I think I have an obligation to try and not let it totally make me bitter and hateful to people who have what I don't. And when people say stupid or hurtful things, I just make it a point to never talk about ttc with them again.
> 
> I hope this doesn't make anyone upset, and when people come out and actually attack those who struggle with infertility, I think that is really wrong, and a horse of a different color. But I don't think my infertility should affect other people from doing normal things like having kids and being excited about it. I don't know, I just wanted to throw this out there. Hopefully we will all get our bfps soon and none of this will be a problem anymore! :dust:

Now this I can understand, it is your personal way of feeling without coming off as attack mode. Your view is very understanble, we all have our different ways of coping/dealing with infertility and you if anything i applaud you for being strong enough to be able to accept and feel normal around facebook posts and other peoples pregnancies. Some of us are not as strong but you at least explain it in a manner that does not feel intimidating and i again applaud you for you.:hugs:

beegray: spot on.


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## Sad Panda

Ever been to baby-gaga? The place is full of insensitive women like this who think that they, and only they, have the right to an opinion. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 15, had four miscarriages, gave up and had that implant thingie surgically put in my arm. Met a nice guy and we decided to be reckless and TTC after only 8 weeks together (I even talked my mom and dad round into it being a good idea based on my infertility). Got the implant out. Doctors told me I wouldn't conceive for at least 3 months due to the hormone still being in my system, if at all because of the severity of my PCOS. Two weeks later....yup I literally got knocked up the first time I ovulated and here we are 4 weeks off due date. I can see both sides. It was an inconvenience conceiving so quickly and easily but I'd never tell someone who struggles with infertility to just "suck it up" that's a horrible thing to say. Some people are just wrong in the head. It was also very hard watching my sister pop out 3 healthy babies in 4 years while I had miscarriage after miscarriage and eventually gave up all hope. The people saying this nasty stuff have obviously never had to deal with the heartache and bitterness being infertile/having multiple losses can cause.


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## tamithomas

Sad Panda said:


> Ever been to baby-gaga? The place is full of insensitive women like this who think that they, and only they, have the right to an opinion. I was diagnosed with PCOS at 15, had four miscarriages, gave up and had that implant thingie surgically put in my arm. Met a nice guy and we decided to be reckless and TTC after only 8 weeks together (I even talked my mom and dad round into it being a good idea based on my infertility). Got the implant out. Doctors told me I wouldn't conceive for at least 3 months due to the hormone still being in my system, if at all because of the severity of my PCOS. Two weeks later....yup I literally got knocked up the first time I ovulated and here we are 4 weeks off due date. I can see both sides. It was an inconvenience conceiving so quickly and easily but I'd never tell someone who struggles with infertility to just "suck it up" that's a horrible thing to say. Some people are just wrong in the head. It was also very hard watching my sister pop out 3 healthy babies in 4 years while I had miscarriage after miscarriage and eventually gave up all hope. The people saying this nasty stuff have obviously never had to deal with the heartache and bitterness being infertile/having multiple losses can cause.

I just checked baby-gaga and I feel as though it has a cold empty vibe to it, not the supporting warm vibe bnb has. Plus, just checked out the "drama" section (that's a horrible sign right off of the bat of how immature it is when you got that tab ) and i :dohh: real hard lol


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## zanDark

Sad Panda I'm sorry for your losses hun :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## vixxen

I'm sorry first of all if you think i am wrong to post here, but i wanted to say i am so sorry for all the insensitive ignorant people out there that maybe you have met.
I myself have no fertility problems but my older sister has, so have found myself looking on the ltttc forums to try and find ways where i can maybe lessen the hurt for her.
She has severe pcos and mental health issues and is also lesbian (not that matters!) but the nhs will not pay for ivf for her or any other treatments.
I hope you don't mind when i look at the posts here as i am really only trying to be more sensitive to others and be less ignorant of things i have not expirienced myself.


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## zanDark

vixxen it's always refreshing when women with no IF problems come in to show their support! :thumbup::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thank you! There aren't a lot of fertile women who are understanding towards the way we feel! 

I'm sorry about your sister hun :hugs: she's lucky to have such an awesome sister!


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## tamithomas

Vixxen, your heart is made of pure gold. Every LTTC member needs a sister like you honestly! That is very heart warming to hear that you take time out of your day to find ways to cope with her and learn about "us". Seriously major :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## nickyXjayno

it swings in roundabouts though. 
I know a few people from baby group etc who had IVF for kids & have already palmed them off! 
yet me who got pregnant at a drop of a hat have never spent any time away from my son other than the first 3 weeks cause he was in nicu. 
you'd think after all waiting they'd spend every second with their kid but nope. 

I get jealous of those who have had a baby born with no issues & could hold them etc straight away but they don't appreciate it. 

jealousy is never ending so don't assume the ones who got pregnant easy live in a perfect rose tinted world.


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## tamithomas

nickyXjayno said:


> it swings in roundabouts though.
> I know a few people from baby group etc who had IVF for kids & have already palmed them off!
> yet me who got pregnant at a drop of a hat have never spent any time away from my son other than the first 3 weeks cause he was in nicu.
> you'd think after all waiting they'd spend every second with their kid but nope.
> 
> I get jealous of those who have had a baby born with no issues & could hold them etc straight away but they don't appreciate it.
> 
> jealousy is never ending so don't assume the ones who got pregnant easy live in a perfect rose tinted world.

nothing of that sort was ever assumed, we are talking about people who are insensitive to infertility, never mentioned about how pregnant couples have it peachy. Yes there are downs and ups on both ends I agree. We were just discussing how a bit of sympathy would be nice instead of being treated like as if we are spoiled 5 year olds that should just be happy with what we got type of attitude.


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## nickyXjayno

no I didn't mean that. think I came across wrong there too. 
just that I've met a few ladies who were lttc & had IVF & yet the kids they wanted so bad they leaving regular. 
kind of makes me a bit cynical & irritated.


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## tamithomas

nickyXjayno said:


> no I didn't mean that. think I came across wrong there too.
> just that I've met a few ladies who were lttc & had IVF & yet the kids they wanted so bad they leaving regular.
> kind of makes me a bit cynical & irritated.

yea totally know what you mean, you would think that after spending all of that time and money to conceive, not taking care of the kid would be the last thing on your mind lol. I know that if I ever get my BFP that kid is going to be spoiled rotten with affection and everything else. Some women are just not meant to conceive, I'm not gonna lie..some women do TTC for the wrong reasons such as just because they've been brainwashed into thinking it's an obligation or pressure by family. But I understand your post now, misunderstanding :hugs:


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## sweetmere

I just want to say that I have only been trying since November but I am pretty sure I have an issue of some kind (in the process of figuring out what). I cannot fathom the pain that comes with infertility. It's hard enough on me in just this short amount of time, it feels like forever. I've already dealt with a million rude comments, because people think it takes 1-3 months to get pregnant, that's how most people are. I work with a girl who is about to give birth, and it has been hell. She isn't one of the normal pregnant women, it's all showing off. She hasn't posted about anything but being pregnant on Facebook, constantly has a "we are so blessed and lucky" status and weekly bump photos. She has said some hateful things to me (once asked if I wanted to feel her baby move, I said yes and her baby stopped as soon as I felt and she told me her baby doesn't like me, and when she had baby shower invites it had a picture of her bare belly baby bump on it and she told me to hang it on my refrigerator so I could stare at it all day). She also used the crib she knew I wanted, and a quote she knew I had wanted to use for years on her baby's wall. She has done so much more but it hurts to work with her, it has been a LONG 9 MONTHS. When she told me she was pregnant I was devastated - I work with her and our husbands are best friends so I knew it would be hard, but it's been much harder than I thought it would be.

I've had so many comments from her and other people (and I haven't told many). Just relax, everything happens for a reason, there's a reason you're not pregnant and other people are, God blesses you when you're ready (oh, I'm not ready and that 14-year old over there is, and so is that lady over there with 9 kids already that lives in a 2 bedroom house?), among "you're fine" that I got about 3 times yesterday after they ASKED me how my appointment went. Oh, your doctor wants to do blood work and agrees that there is probably a thyroid or hormone issue, but you're fine. It's like a slap in the face.

I really understand being upset about other women being pregnant. To me, it's understandable. I *suppose* I can see how people think so negatively, but personally I have never had any negative viewpoints on infertility. I'm 21 and have always understood it to be hard, awful, unfair...some people just don't get that. I swear, there are so many selfish people in this world, so many that aren't thankful for what they have, and don't see how lucky they are. I understand now more than I ever have, I actually visit this board often. It's rough, you all are so strong even if you don't feel like it. I will take up for all of you at any point in time, infertility IS a disease, everyone deserves a child. I wish you all the luck and baby dust in the world. *hugs*


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## sweetmere

Oh, and if none of you have read the book "Waiting for Daisy" I highly recommend it!! <3


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## lovie

i have noticed it after becoming pregnant after lttc, when talking about our ivf (we didnt actually do ivf we were waiting for my period to start to start stimming when i got my bfp) my own grandfather said "oh things were so much easier in my day" to which i said "well not if you were infertile!" 

also people are so happy to say "Oh you relaxed and it happened!" our bfp was on a relaxing month as the doctor had said i had 40 folicles and i wouldnt ovulate that month so we were not ttc, just dtd and we went skiing and drank lots. but it was also month #2 after a hsg and i think that had much more to do with it than the "relaxing"

I wanted to anounce on facebook when i hit 12 weeks but i know how much those anouncements hurt me and how i pictured everyone to have had easy conceptions as soon as they decided they wanted a baby. what i did was announce that we were expecting and then in another status explain how long we had tried for and how close to ivf we were and how infertility is unfortunatly such a secretive thing in our society. I wanted any friends who are secretly struggling to conceive to see that its not allways an easy road and hopefully that will make the baby/pregnancy updates that i will do not so hurtfull.

I do think that its not fair to feel anger towards a pregnant woman. even secret unspoken anger, it is damaging for everyone. I struggled with intense jelousy when ttc but i never thought bad thoughts about the unborn child or mum to be, just anger at my own body and my own situation. I do think that thos lttc should be happy for pregnant women as being angry/upset wont actually change anything. I feel deep shame about choosing to avoid some of my pregnant friends. now i am experiencing pregnancy with all its amazing and hard times i know how much they needed me as a friend. i must sit down with them and explain that for me i needed to avoid them at that time because it made me feel so bad about myself, not that i wasnt happy for them.

:hugs:


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## rosebud_01_99

i thought this thread was closed , why is it reopened?


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## Vickie

rosebud_01_99 said:


> i thought this thread was closed , why is it reopened?

I looked at the moderation history of the thread and it was never closed, comments were removed by moderators but the thread was not closed.


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## tamithomas

Vickie said:


> rosebud_01_99 said:
> 
> 
> i thought this thread was closed , why is it reopened?
> 
> I looked at the moderation history of the thread and it was never closed, comments were removed by moderators but the thread was not closed.Click to expand...

exactly, it was only modified. welcome back! :)


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## tamithomas

lovie said:


> i have noticed it after becoming pregnant after lttc, when talking about our ivf (we didnt actually do ivf we were waiting for my period to start to start stimming when i got my bfp) my own grandfather said "oh things were so much easier in my day" to which i said "well not if you were infertile!"
> 
> also people are so happy to say "Oh you relaxed and it happened!" our bfp was on a relaxing month as the doctor had said i had 40 folicles and i wouldnt ovulate that month so we were not ttc, just dtd and we went skiing and drank lots. but it was also month #2 after a hsg and i think that had much more to do with it than the "relaxing"
> 
> I wanted to anounce on facebook when i hit 12 weeks but i know how much those anouncements hurt me and how i pictured everyone to have had easy conceptions as soon as they decided they wanted a baby. what i did was announce that we were expecting and then in another status explain how long we had tried for and how close to ivf we were and how infertility is unfortunatly such a secretive thing in our society. I wanted any friends who are secretly struggling to conceive to see that its not allways an easy road and hopefully that will make the baby/pregnancy updates that i will do not so hurtfull.
> 
> I do think that its not fair to feel anger towards a pregnant woman. even secret unspoken anger, it is damaging for everyone. I struggled with intense jelousy when ttc but i never thought bad thoughts about the unborn child or mum to be, just anger at my own body and my own situation. I do think that thos lttc should be happy for pregnant women as being angry/upset wont actually change anything. I feel deep shame about choosing to avoid some of my pregnant friends. now i am experiencing pregnancy with all its amazing and hard times i know how much they needed me as a friend. i must sit down with them and explain that for me i needed to avoid them at that time because it made me feel so bad about myself, not that i wasnt happy for them.
> 
> :hugs:

firstly congrats on BFP. How courageous of you to announce your struggle, that's actually very nobble and brave of you to let people know they're not alone.

That being said, I understand being angry towards pregnant women will not get my closer to my BFP. However, if we are feeling an emotion it is healthy to go along with it instead of supressing it. I'm not saying we go around bashing pregnant woman to their faces and make their pregnancies living hell. Never in a million years though would I wish harm on a unborn child or the mother, that's just go borderline psychopath and anyone who thinks that should go get their head checked lol.

But if we chose to avoid them or unsubscribe to them because we don't want to be around it then it's our way of coping. What we feel on our private time is our business. I understand that you see the light now that you are BFP but some of us aren't and we still have that struggling aching IF feeling. We still cry to sleep at night wondering if we'll ever be mothers, wondering if all you'll ever be is a babysitter instead of taking care of your own. I'm not saying you don't know how it feels as you've struggled through heck to get BFP but for us who still live in the If world, pregnancy is not something we wanna be surrounded by. We all deal differently, I will respect your opinion just so long as you respect ours. If they really are friends who actually take the time to understand then I'm sure they understand as well. Once again, congrats on the BFP :hugs:


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## StephieB

> *now i am experiencing pregnancy* with all its amazing and hard times i know how much they needed me as a friend. i must sit down with them and explain that for me i needed to avoid them at that time because it made me feel so bad about myself, not that i wasnt happy for them.

This is what makes the difference. 

Hearing a pregnancy announcement, or seeing a pregnant friend/relative for me, and many many other woman on here produces a deep, dark soul destroying pain of seeing someone else be granted something which we want more than anything in the world. For me, it's like being punched in the stomach and having my heart ripped out, not to mention the sympathetic looks you get from everyone because we're the 'broken couple'. 

I'm not willing to put myself through that unnecessary pain just to make other people feel happy. To be brutally honest I physically can't, my mental health comes before other peoples, and the resurfacing of clinical depression and anxiety is not worth faking the smile. 

I have full admiration for woman who can go through LTTTC and be positive, if I'm truthful I'm envious of them. But its not going to change me. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm always ecstatic to hear of a LTTTC-er who have gotten their wish, so many congratulations. But many of the woman on here have never or sadly will never experience pregnancy, so we don't get to look back after our struggles over, because we're still in the war zone every single day.


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## lovie

I really stuggled whilst ttc with my feeling that it is right to feel happy and wrong to feel jellous, at new year it was one of my new years resolutions that i will try to keep those feelings under control. I made a thread about it and i understand that there are mixed feelings towards it from people. I work with young families so i think it helped that i actually had no choice but to be around pregnant women, toddlers and babies every day of the week, for me it wasnt just my personal life it was my working life aswell that I had to deal with those feelings. I didnt succeed compleatly and as i said i did do things i am ashamed of now, your right tho tami my friends will understand i just need to find the right time to talk to them:hugs:

I dont think that everyone should do as I say but I think its ok for everyone to voice how they feel, I do respect peoples opinions, I have read some things in the past (not on this thread and not written by and of you) that have made me feel so sad that people can feel that level of anger towards another human being because they unknowingly have what they want. I feel very sorry for people who feel like that as the person it is damaging is the person feeling the anger.

Yes i have got what i worked for, and i do have a different perspective on it now. I only wanted to voice my opinion. I am not ttc at the moment but i know a lot more about lttc and fertility issues than i do about pregnancy/birth, even tho I am pregnant the worries dont stop, I worry that a girl will inherit my fertility issues, i worry that a boy will get rubbish sperm like my oh, I worry that one day i will be ttc for years again I worry that my heart shaped womb will mean my baby is unable to be born safely and my pcos will prevent me from breast feeding. Alot of people on this forum will become mothers, should they just disapear compleatly from a place they have visited for months/years? the op said things that i have an opinion about so i replied with my opinions.

Im sorry if i was offedned anyone, it wasnt my meaning at all. 

happy misummer from sweden :)


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## rosebud_01_99

Well said stephie b , i echo everything you said in your post, 

i especially empathise with 

"it's like being punched in the stomach and having my heart ripped out, "

and yes we definately have to protect ourselves, after all who else is going to , we are the ones struggling with loss and grief every day, while the pg ones are the winners in the situation no matter how long they ttc, they are the ones who are going to be mothers and have the congratulations of all friends and familys , what difference should it make if we just stay silent on the matter not admitting we are envious or not congratulating. 

dont understand at all their need for other ladies who are continuing in this god awful struggle to be happy for them. seems needy and crazy to me.

rosebud


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## lovie

for me I felt like if i never had my own children then the babies of my close friends and family would be the children close to me in my life. I come from a family with adopted siblings so for me (im not saying that this should be the opinion of anyone else) i can see that i can love someone like a sister/brother so i feel i can love the babies of my friends and get joy out of their little milestones. so for me it was importnant to overcome the feelings of envy to be able to get the most out of the relationship, for me and the friend and the baby:hugs:


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## NavyWife84

lovie said:


> Alot of people on this forum will become mothers, should they just disapear compleatly from a place they have visited for months/years?

That is exactly what I plan on doing. Life changes and sometimes it is time to move on. People change and grow apart or closer togerher because of life experiences in real life, why should it be any different on a website for support? Even if my opinion changes when/if I do become pregnant, I would not post it in the ltttc section, unless it is under success stories. Although I am over the moon for all the ltttc ladies that get their bfp, it is still hard to see them move on and I am still here. Seeing that little friut ticker is one of the hardest things to look at. I want to happily compare my baby to fruit and if I do get pregnant, I plan on using it. Because of this and the fact that my status would say "pregnant (expecting)" I will not post on the ltttc forum because I know how it makes me feel right now, while I am still infertile. It kills me to see this and know that I may never have it. I love my ltttc ladies dearly and it will be sad to lose them as friends because of my bfp, but I completely understand that and respect the fact that it will be too hard for them to hear from me. They know my name and I am friends with some of them on fb. If they are having a strong day and want to pop by to say hello, I would be elated. But I will also understand if I never hear from them again, even if it makes me sad. In the infertile world you sometimes have to let go of friends for your own sanity and I totally get that. I will continually stalk them, but I wouldn't dare post for fear of having them feel what I currently feel when a lady with a bfp posts in the ltttc section. I know this is a public forum and everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I really do wish the ladies with their bfps would stick to the success stories part if they feel the need to share their perspective with other ltttcers.


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## sapphire1

.


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## tamithomas

lovie said:


> I hope you don't think I'm poking my nose in where I don't belong, I just wanted you to know that there are some people fortunate enough to have a child, that can understand your pain. Everybody has the right to become a mother, and when I hear those kinds of comments against infertility it maddens and sickens me. I truly hope that all you LTTTC ladies get the babies you deserve, you will all make wonderful mothers. x x :flower:

Totally agree, even though I'm not BFP I do understand that even after BFP that memory of infertility never really leaves you. Especially when you go to post on facebook you remember being on the other side of things. As weird as it may sound, I'm greatful for my infertility issues. I have grown from them and matured. If we had gotten BFP 3 years ago when we started TTC I would have been one of those insensitive post every ultrasoudn possible pregnant woman who didn't take anyones feelings into consideration. But being sent down this road, I am thankful for it for the lessons it gives me. If I ever get my BFP, I'm still gonna stick around to offer my support as I know how it feels. Any support should be welcomed :)


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## NavyWife84

sapphire1 said:


> I know I do not technically belong here as I already have a child, but I can understand your feelings more than you probably realise. When I met my DH he was infertile - he had a vasectomy in a previous relationship. I spent a couple of years longing for a baby, knowing that we would have to opt for intervention. We decided to get his vasectomy reversed, and I am now fortunate enough to have an 18 month old. When she was 5 months old, we started TTC again as VRs are rarely permanent (and DH only has one side reattached). I got a bfp after 6 months, but sadly miscarried at 10 weeks. That was 6 months ago, and now my marriage is falling apart and DH no longer wants to have another child. I very much doubt he'll change his mind, a split is looking likely. All my TTCAL buddies are pregnant, and the vast majority of my other friends are pregnant or have newborns. There's nowhere to hide, and just as those who have no children get asked, everyone wants to know when you're going to have baby #2. I can fully understand why you'd avoid pregnant women, be jealous and even angry. Everyone 'seems' to get pregnant at the drop of hat and without even trying in some cases. I avoid baby talk where I can, but having a baby already makes that quite difficult. I support my pregnant friends, but they have no idea how painful it is for me, especially with my 'due-date' being in a few weeks time.
> 
> I hope you don't think I'm poking my nose in where I don't belong, I just wanted you to know that there are some people fortunate enough to have a child, that can understand your pain. Everybody has the right to become a mother, and when I hear those kinds of comments against infertility it maddens and sickens me. I truly hope that all you LTTTC ladies get the babies you deserve, you will all make wonderful mothers. x x :flower:

Secondary infertility is still infertility, so you belong :) you are still going through it while those women currently pregnant are no longer suffering. I know they suffered for a long time and the scars will always be there, I'm not belittling that, but they will be able to look at that and say, look at all I have gone through to get this miracle in my belly or in my arms. IYKWIM


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## lovie

Again I didnt mean to offend purely by my pressence here, i never felt anything other than hope when people who had been lttc or had assisted conception had their little tickers ticking up. I didn't realise that even long awaited pregnancies caused negative feelings. 

I feel really sad to be told that certain groups "belong" and others dont, sure i am pregnant now but mine and my oh's bodies still have all the issues that we had before i became pregnant. We rolled the dice enough times to get lucky but the chance is very high that we will be rolling the dice again in the nearish future if we want a sibling we may well not get lucky again, things wont magically fix themselfs, and this time we will have no funded help at all. I dont see why a secondary infertility is different to anticipating a future where you allready know you will spend probably years battling fertility problems and you have allready spent years ttc.

the reality is that the majority of infertile couples will become parents, that doesnt mean they forget how it feels to loose faith in our bodies, how a bfn can ruin an entire week, how unromantic ovulation sex can be. lots of people pregnant after lttc will have a huge amount of knowledge and a deep understanding of lttc from both sides, surely that information is usefull and by making those people feel unwelcome the lttc comunity looses a great resource for those still ttc.

this is a public forum and if i see something that i agree/disagree/have advice/know information about then i will post, no matter where it is. It's not like im in the loss section posting when i know nothing about loss or the wedding section when i know nothing about weddings.

tami that is such a positive way to look at lttc, i think lttc really does help take the edge of the harder parts of pregnancy:hugs:


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## zanDark

even tho I don't feel like posting in the LTTTC section anymore I wanted to say that if I ever get pregnant I'd like to think that I'd be able to come in here and offer some hugs. 

But since I understand how much LTTTC hurts and how terrible it makes people feel about themselves...I'd make a _point _to uncheck the "show your signature" option. I can't imagine being pregnant and posting in here with my ticker informing infertile ladies about how big my baby is, or how many days ago I found out I was pregnant, or what fruit it is! I'd cry with happiness if any of my LTTTC friends announced their pregnancy! But I'd expect them to respect the pain they know all too well!

It's the little things that count! 

And just to avoid confusion, my post isn't written in an angry manner. :flower:


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## Armywife84

lovie said:


> Again I didnt mean to offend purely by my pressence here, i never felt anything other than hope when people who had been lttc or had assisted conception had their little tickers ticking up. I didn't realise that even long awaited pregnancies caused negative feelings.
> 
> I feel really sad to be told that certain groups "belong" and others dont, sure i am pregnant now but mine and my oh's bodies still have all the issues that we had before i became pregnant. We rolled the dice enough times to get lucky but the chance is very high that we will be rolling the dice again in the nearish future if we want a sibling we may well not get lucky again, things wont magically fix themselfs, and this time we will have no funded help at all. I dont see why a secondary infertility is different to anticipating a future where you allready know you will spend probably years battling fertility problems and you have allready spent years ttc.
> 
> the reality is that the majority of infertile couples will become parents, that doesnt mean they forget how it feels to loose faith in our bodies, how a bfn can ruin an entire week, how unromantic ovulation sex can be. lots of people pregnant after lttc will have a huge amount of knowledge and a deep understanding of lttc from both sides, surely that information is usefull and by making those people feel unwelcome the lttc comunity looses a great resource for those still ttc.
> 
> this is a public forum and if i see something that i agree/disagree/have advice/know information about then i will post, no matter where it is. It's not like im in the loss section posting when i know nothing about loss or the wedding section when i know nothing about weddings.
> 
> tami that is such a positive way to look at lttc, i think lttc really does help take the edge of the harder parts of pregnancy:hugs:

I believe where everyone had the issue is when you were suggesting that we be happy for pregnant women. It's easy for you to say that, because there's light at the end of your IF tunnel. We're still trapped in that dark, lonely corner wondering when our turn is, if we're ever going to get a turn. 

Not necessarily every fertile couple will get their baby. I certainly wouldn't make that assessment. Some will end up living a childless (not by choice) lifestyle. You have very little control of getting a baby, sometimes no control of your body. 

I also think a lot of us are used to LTTCers getting their BFPs and not looking back when it comes to this forum. 

There's also been some patronizing posts from pregnant women on here, attacks, and former LTTCers bashing this forum. So we're a little sensitive when it comes to any pregnant woman posting on here.


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## BobDog

i saw this thread a long time ago (what feels like a long time ago...) there were loads of comments that were below the belt and so i avoided it. i came back to find that it's been cleaned up! :thumbup:

now i feel i can post in here! yay!



I'm one of these infertile people. and i may be annoying to the more fertile people, but that is purely for self-preservation! as with many others in the LTTTC category. it's been 3 years and 10 months for me. (but i just say 4 years. because what's 2 months when you've been at it this long?! lol). now i've lost close friends over the issue of infertility and the lack of understanding from others. when a woman (well the women i know) becomes pregnant they forget that there are other people in the world other than her and her baby. then comes the understandable announcement and the scan pictures, then the bump pictures. 

but then comes the complaints and the grumbles of the pregnancy... things like "urg, morning sickness is a killer" things like that. that's where i think "what i would give to feel like that" 

i'm not saying all pregnant women are like that... as i said i'm referring to the pregnant women i know and have interacted with, this isn't a generalization of ALL pregnant woman. 

now, i've been through 9 m/s's one at 27w4d. but i never got to announce any pregnancy. i could never tell people i'm mourning my babies deaths. my closest friends and family knew about it, but then never understood that i was in mourning. it was like, ok you lost a pregnancy, it's not like you got attached or anything. well yeah, i did. so when someone announces their pregnancy, i think of the babies i've lost and i sink into a deep sadness. i pull away from that person and avoid talking about babies and pregnancies and all that goes along with it. 

that's my choice. that's how i choose to deal with my issues. i'd rather pull away from people who don't understand or are insensitive to infertility, because i would crumble and i would end up saying something that would take the joy out of that person's pregnancy. and that's something i could never forgive myself for. there is also the selfish side of it, i can't cope with it, so i'm not going to put myself through it. i never wish anything bad for the person enjoying carrying a child. my pain is my pain. and i'm going to deal with it. i'm not going to expect someone else to soothe me when they have a right to be happy. that's not right. but, if i pull away and then i get called selfish and this and that. then that to me is more like rubbing salt into an already gaping wound. 

but that's my opinion. and no doubt someone will disagree, and that's ok, but it's how i choose to do things.


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## wonderstars

BobDog said:


> that's my choice. that's how i choose to deal with my issues. i'd rather pull away from people who don't understand or are insensitive to infertility, because i would crumble and i would end up saying something that would take the joy out of that person's pregnancy. and that's something i could never forgive myself for. there is also the selfish side of it, i can't cope with it, so i'm not going to put myself through it. i never wish anything bad for the person enjoying carrying a child. my pain is my pain. and i'm going to deal with it. i'm not going to expect someone else to soothe me when they have a right to be happy. that's not right. but, if i pull away and then i get called selfish and this and that. then that to me is more like rubbing salt into an already gaping wound.
> 
> but that's my opinion. and no doubt someone will disagree, and that's ok, but it's how i choose to do things.

Thank you! This was wonderfully put!

At some point, our self preservation is not only protecting ourselves from feelings of despair, but also preventing us for harming those who are important to us. I live in the now and my now says I have to protect myself. 

I've become that person who pushes others away and stays far away from pregnant women. It's funny, I attribute a lot of my sense of peace right now to doing that. I don't feel bad in the slightest because now I get to live while still dealing with IF.


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## lovie

My opinion that I (when lttc) should be happy for pregnant women is something I have felt for a long time, I have personal reasons as to why I feel like that, I made this post in january that expressed exactly those opions, so this definatly isnt a new post BFP feeling https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...p-being-jellous-my-friends-families-bfps.html

I have also said how much i have struggled, and yes I do feel bad now about limiting my time with my pregnant friends (one in particular who's pregnancy was scary, unplanned and difficult) I felt bad at the time even tho it felt "right" to protect myself. The day I decided to try to stop my negitive feelings really helped me to be happier in myself. I dont expect others to do that, but I dont think its fair to be told im wrong to have at least tried to be happy for them.

As for my ticker I am a member of groups where lttc-ers and former lttc-ers mix, when a lady hides her ticker i get the most awful sinking feeling that something really bad has happened to her baby, i have heared so many time lttc women saying dont hide your ticker its an inspiration to see. I thought about it before it was mentioned and changed my profile picture so there are no actual babies on my profile.

I dont want to cause any more upset, im sorry that my pure presence is enough to offend people. Infertility is something that has shaped my family for generations and is likely to continue to effect future generations in one way or another, I feel like one of the big issues whilst lttc is feeling on the outside of situations where people chat about babies, meet for coffee in the middle of the day with their kids. I never expected to feel unwelcome and like i dont belong and like my opinions are invalid by a comutity that I feel I know alot about and have experiences worth sharing. As you can see from my signiture I dont have bump buddies (alltho i do have some lovely pregnant lttc friends) but my main wish is that those still waiting for a bfp get what they want soon.


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## Wobbles

I think if your going to discuss this you should consider turning off your pregnancy tickers like someone else said!


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## zanDark

lovie said:


> As for my ticker I am a member of groups where lttc-ers and former lttc-ers mix, when a lady hides her ticker i get the most awful sinking feeling that something really bad has happened to her baby, i have heared so many time lttc women saying dont hide your ticker its an inspiration to see. I thought about it before it was mentioned and changed my profile picture so there are no actual babies on my profile.

under the "submit reply" there is an option to uncheck the "show your signature". 

so you can only hide it in some posts and show it in others. 

I don't understand how this thread went from LTTTC people being annoying to pregnant people feeling they need to explain themselves or explain why everyone should be positive and pooping rainbows LOL

everyone is different! 

I am a VERY cheerful and positive person IRL. I listen to my friends whine and complain about their babies or pregnancies and hug them and say it will be OK and every mother has their bad days...I sat and watched my SIL's (brother's fiance) scan video even though she's not crazy about being pregnant and kept this pregnancy because she didn't want another termination, I'm also going shopping with her to buy her the furniture for the baby room because they're broke and need help. I also helped a new member post pics of her BFP because she wanted to share it with the world but couldn't post pictures yet...and I was happy for her!

^^^
that is Evie in real life.

zanDark is the darker side of LTTTC. The person that wants to turn the huge empty room we have sitting around waiting for a baby into a reading room, a guest bedroom, a gym...anything to get rid of that empty space.

She's also the online woman that admits that seeing pregnant bellies, tickers, bfp avatars make that dark side even darker because she thinks that someone forgot to turn on that damn light at the end of the tunnel. There are other times when I venture in to the baby club, pregnancy forums etc to see what life is like as a mom and often read helpful things...but I keep quiet instead of replying to people_ I_ feel are ungrateful or being silly...because it's not my place to make anyone feel bad about their feelings.

People that aren't LTTTC don't _HAVE _to understand why we are the way we are...just like we don't _HAVE _to understand how some LTTTC like to rub it in our faces that they're oh so positive and happy aaaaall the time. No one needs to convince anyone of anything...but for the love of God respect that for some people, tickers are like a stab to the heart, hearing that they should be happy while they swallow their grief makes us want to tear our hair out, rip off our clothes and go running down the street naked screaming bloody murder :haha:

I felt really crappy about this thread and a few others...but after a few days of being quiet I came to the decision that I won't let anyone drive me out of the one place I belong. The one place I can vent so I can continue to smile in my every day life without people knowing how much I hurt inside!! Even my husband thinks that I'm OK with LTTTC because I don't want to hurt his feelings by crying anymore...so now I just cry when I'm completely alone and need to let it out. The forum has a block feature, and I intend to use it on anyone that's rude in this forum.

Respect and understanding is the only way to go here...respect that other people feel differently and understand that they don't need to act like you do because you think it's right!...especially when you know nothing about them!

ETA: Lovie not all of this is directed at you btw. You've been very polite in expressing your opinions and I respect and thank you for it even tho I disagree with you. You DO have the option to hide your ticker in some posts...I hope you respect that since you've said over and over again that you don't want to upset people.


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## tamithomas

This took a major outta nowhere twist from a simple question lol. It's all about respect which is what the LTTC forums are about. I simply put this thread up as a way to discuss and let people vent about others being insensitive to our situations. 

Lovie- no one ever said you were not welcome here, we only request that you respect that a lot of us do not see the end of the tunnel yet therefore to not patronize us for not jumping for joy when we see bumps and newborns. May as well ask a man who just lost his leg to go cheer for a marathon just as he wakes up from surgery, it makes that much logic. Very happy that you get to see the brighter side of things because you finally got what we all want, the only reason you're suddenly regretting not spending time with your BFP friends is because you can finally relate to them. We can't, we are still in the before phase. Like I said, pregnant ladies I find are aloud here just so long as there's respect involved. Saying stuff like "I used to be bitter but since I have my own bean now I feel guilty for pushing them away" doesn't it seem coincidental? The reason is obvious as to why you felt bad meanwhile we don't.

If I have friends in the future if I even get a BFP and they chose to distance themselves, I will fully understand as I've been there. But, we all have our own different ways of dealing. At the end of the day, it's a case by case basis on how to react. I wish you H&H 9 months just please avoid the jump shit attitude, some of us are not even docked yet.

ZanDark,Well said! :hugs:


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## tamithomas

*if I ever get a BFP


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## tamithomas

wow i gotta re read what i write before posting.. "jump SHIP. not shit. SHIIIIPPPP. omg i feel terrible for that :dohh:


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## BobDog

Zan, you said it so well there!! i think you should be my on-line wifey! lol! you worded it amazingly! 

Lovie, i know your intentions are good and you want us to realise you can see it from both sides of the pond, and you are a lovely woman from post i've read in the past, and i don't want to make you feel you are in the wrong, but i also don't appreciate being told in a roundabout way that my feelings are silly and i should learn to be happy and positive all the time round pregnant women. that's just not realistic for me. some people can see the positive's in everything, but i'm not one of these people. i need time to process all the information, i need time to figure out how i feel. and sadly i need to pull away from pregnant people as i said for self-preservation. i hope you are as understanding of my feelings on LTTTC and pregnant women as you are of your feelings about it. not everyone feels the same and that's something that not many people like to accept. i hope you are one of the few who can accept that. :flower:


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## BobDog

tamithomas said:


> wow i gotta re read what i write before posting.. "jump SHIP. not shit. SHIIIIPPPP. omg i feel terrible for that :dohh:

:haha::haha:

i read it and thought - oops tongue in cheek there Tami!! :haha:


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## zanDark

BobDog said:


> Zan, you said it so well there!! i think you should be my on-line wifey! lol! you worded it amazingly!

I do! :wedding:



:haha::rofl::rofl::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## BobDog

zanDark said:


> BobDog said:
> 
> 
> Zan, you said it so well there!! i think you should be my on-line wifey! lol! you worded it amazingly!
> 
> I do! :wedding:
> 
> 
> 
> :haha::rofl::rofl::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

:cake:
:plane: where will we go on honeymoon!! :haha:
:dance::yipee::headspin::wohoo::holly:


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## BobDog

wait - who's the dude...!!! lol


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## zanDark

BobDog said:


> wait - who's the dude...!!! lol

we'll take turns :haha::haha: lmfao!!


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## BobDog

lol! :kiss:


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## Tasha

I dont fit in this section, because my problem is staying pregnant (I have been TTC for three years and ten months with eleven miscarriages and a stillbirth in that time) but I often read because I do feel I relate to the LTTTC posts in some ways, like the feeling let down by my body, in fact not just let down I hate my body. 

Any way, I came in to say that I think it is really unhealthy to surpress what you are feeling. Faking your happiness for those around you, pretending you are fine with LTTTC is okay for a certain amount of time but eventually it will catch up with you. I have the doctors this week because I have been surpressing my pain, sadness, anger etc for such a long time now that I have spent the past six months physically ill, so I need to make myself mentally well in order for the physical side to be okay too. 

Your pregnant friend will be fine if you arent dancing with happiness for her, the most important thing for you to do is make sure you are mentally and physically well by not putting other people's feelings before your own :hugs:


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## zanDark

While I don't fake being happy for others (I am happy for them)..I am guilty of pretending to be "fine" :blush: mostly because I don't want to upset those who love me and because I hate the "pity" in their eyes. It drives me insane. 

that's why this forum is such a great place! I can finally tell people that I'm not fine!! I've found it much easier to cope after I vent here, or write in my LTTTC journal lol :hugs::hugs::kiss:


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## NavyWife84

I have been laying in bed crying for two days straight because not only am I infertile but I have been fighting depression for about 15 years. So, for me it is impossible to fake happy. I am happy for those who are pregnant or have children, but I have to keep my distance. I wouldn't wish any of this on anyone. But I being angry makes me feel better, then so be it. I would never show that anger toward the fortunate preggers, but it is completely normal. Luckily, my family is very understanding and will give me my space when I need it (I am the only one who hasn't given my parents grandchildren). I also have a best friend who is wonderful about it. I visited her right after she had the baby, have been to her sons christening, and recently celebrated his first birthday.she and I started trying for a baby around the same time and she didn't want it as bad as I did at the time (they were going to try for three months and if it didn't happen they would wait for a year). She knows that although I love her to pieces, I can't stand to be around her more than a few times a year. For me, it is truly life or death (pretty sad I am feeling this while medicated!)


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## sharnw

:flow::flow::flow:


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## StephieB

I'm going slightly off topic here, but am so saddened to see so many of my ltttc friends also suffer from the nightmare of depression. Its truly awful to see so many infertile woman also having to deal with depression. I'm not saying its not awful that fertile people suffer from depression, just seems to be a worry trend between IF and depression. :(


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## beegray

StephieB said:


> I'm going slightly off topic here, but am so saddened to see so many of my ltttc friends also suffer from the nightmare of depression. Its truly awful to see so many infertile woman also having to deal with depression. I'm not saying its not awful that fertile people suffer from depression, just seems to be a worry trend between IF and depression. :(

I was diagnoised with it when i was young and managed to contain it until now, can feel it coming back!!!! on top of everything else we have depression to deal with and IF is a big factor in this, because it's a constant roller coaster of emotions. :cry:


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## uwa_amanda

StephieB said:


> I'm going slightly off topic here, but am so saddened to see so many of my ltttc friends also suffer from the nightmare of depression. Its truly awful to see so many infertile woman also having to deal with depression. I'm not saying its not awful that fertile people suffer from depression, just seems to be a worry trend between IF and depression. :(

I have been treated in the past for depression. I also feel that it is slowly creeping back into my life again. I sometimes feel that I have to drag myself out of bed and I feel mopey all the freakin' time. :cry::cry::cry: Infertility sucks and I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.


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## shiara

i also have to deal with my depression along with all the IF issues... im not a expressive person,so i keep it all in myself,,,and cry it all out after a week or so when i cudn't contain it any more... i have even stopped discussing it wid dh... u ppl r a big support though! :hugs:


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## tamithomas

StephieB said:


> I'm going slightly off topic here, but am so saddened to see so many of my ltttc friends also suffer from the nightmare of depression. Its truly awful to see so many infertile woman also having to deal with depression. I'm not saying its not awful that fertile people suffer from depression, just seems to be a worry trend between IF and depression. :(

Sadly it almost comes hand in hand.. I had already been suffering from depression due to anorexia, but TTC is what keeps me on my toes from staying "recovered" (no such thing as being fully recovered from it). 

Luckily I got a DH who understands when I feel down, but I usually hide and form of down time I feel during the first 2 weeks of he month as I don't wanna kill the mood of BD and miss my chance but the 2nd half of the month I don't shy away from how I feel. If I'm pissed off or sad, I'll let it out. the worst thing to do is let it build up inside of you because it's only gonna come back to haunt you in the end if you let it build up.


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