# Husband says he wants a baby but will not have sex when I am ovulating.



## babyonmymind1

Hi I could really use some advice from whoever has some. I feel like I am talking my family and friends to sleep about it and they all keep telling me be patient but I feel I need to do more.

My husband and I decided in January that we would TTC. I have a very regular cycle so was hoping that it would happen within the first few months. I am still not pregnant and I am frustrated because when I am ovulating I can not get my husband to have sex with me. I don't announce it to him I just try to put the moves on and it is always a difference excuse like "I'm tired", "I ate too much", or 'Maybe later" and then he falls asleep. he has done this several months in a row and last month I finally asked him if he was serious about having a baby and he said yeah and expressed some concerns he had. We talked about them and he promised this month we would make our best effort. Well last night which was a good day to TTC according to my calendar I tried to initiate and got shot down AGAIN. I wanted to burst into tears right there but am trying so hard to not make our sex life only about babies but I want a baby so bad. I keep seeing friends get pregnant in one try and some even on accident and it makes me sooooo depressed. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him about it again? If I am not pregnant in a year I don't even think I would feel comfortable asking a doctor for help because we don't know if it is a fertility issue because we have not had sex during my ovulation since we have been trying. I feel so lost. I love my husband with all my heart but I feel betrayed and I don't understand why he is putting me through this. I even told him last month if you are not ready and want to wait that is fine I just need to know because I am stressing myself out about this. PLEASE any advice is appreciated. I am so stressed out and have no concentration cause all I think about is what is wrong with me. Why does he not want to have sex with me?


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## jenniferlawe

If you are regular and ovulate the same time each cycle maybe try not to have sex a couple days before so by the time you ovulate he is ready for sex.


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## Hopeful214

I agree with Jennifer, try to hold out a little longer that way his anticipation will build up just in time :winkwink: or try making it fun, if not just sit down n talk to him, Me and my dh officially decided we would TTC last cycle so I tell him when im "most fertile" and it we dtd my O day and around it as well, we've never really had a problem in the :sex: dept to begin with but now that were TTC we make sure we BD just in time...


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## Amy_Nicole

My first bit of advise, don't hide the fact your in your window. Be honest with him. Let him know that your time to conceive for the month is limited to days, and this is it. Let him know your cycle. I mark mine on my husbands calendar. I may not ovulate on the same day every month, but I know I usually ovulate btw 11-19 dpo. Let him know it's coming. I can understand wanting to keep the romance and sex about other then baby making, but sometimes that doesn't always work. There are lots of times I'm tired and sore and not feeling it or I know my hubby is really tired (he works nights) so sometimes I give him a skip the foreplay card. Let him know your plan and what is expect from him. Sex everyday? Sex every other day durning your window?
Also when he told you his concerns, did you address your feelings as well? Does he know you feel lost and frustrated by his lack of intative?


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## babyonmymind1

Thanks for your reply. I have tried holding out the days before hoping he would be in the mood and still nothing. I think I have to talk to him tonight the stress is causing my constant headaches and no motivation. This is not healthy for me at all and probably not the best way to conceive either. I always though TTC would be exciting and I can not find that yet.


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## babyonmymind1

Yes I have told him I feel misled. I feel like he is telling me he wants a baby just because he knows how bad I want one but deep down he doesn't feel ready or is just very scared. I even told him if he was that scared we could wait a few months. he told me no that he felt better just talking about it. Last night when I tried to initiate and he told me he was too full I told him well this is the good days of the month and he just looked and me and smiled and held me close to him but didn't say a word. I tried again with well don't go to sleep you may feel better and he kinda whispered stop pressuring me and help me closer. I really don't feel like I have been pressuring him at all. I have been understanding and trying to help him with his concerns for the past 6 months and I don't think I can do this anymore. I just want the truth. This is also our first year of marriage and it has been wonderful and I am trying not to argue about things I want to talk about them but what he says and what he does are two different things. One sentence he is picking out names for our babies and the next he is turning me down during my most fertile time. I just don't understand him.


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## jenniferlawe

My husband and I decided that we would dtd every other day once my AF was gone so that we were both on the same page and no one had to say anything and that way we shod be good around my fertile time


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## Gunnhilde

I've always made it clear to any guy I've been with (XH and DF included) that there better be sex once a day or else! I think you just need to be really honest about feeling rejected and clearly outline to him how you are feeling about this and INSIST he tells you how he is really feeling. It is ok to disagree and fight sometimes, but repressing it is only going to leave you feeling hurt and resentful.

Trust me from experience with XH, you don't want to go into having children if the guy is not 100% committed to it.


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## Amy_Nicole

It could be he is experience performance anxiety, and is hiding behind other excuses. Maybe he worried that he'll fail.
Might I ask how old the two of you are? 
If he is feeling a lot of anitixy about baby making, maybe try keeping it on the down low for a month. Don't bring it up or remind him, and see if that doesn't pull some of the stress to preform off him? I mean still bd and track yourself, but don't mention baby's. He might be less scared of having them and more scare of if it doesn't happen?


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## Tbell31

This is awful for you :( tbh he sounds very controlling to me ! I would lay my cards down, take some initiative Hun and tell him you won't stand for it ! He's in or not ?? Stop playing games. GL Hun xx


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## letdoit

Hi Babyonmymind

I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I have the same problem. My partner has always said he want us to have children and in Dec we went to see a doctor and we were given a go ahead. Since then , he has told me that he does not want to have children anymore,,, he only said he wanted children to please me, ...just lots of excuses. When I'm ovulating, he won't have BD with me! All I'm saying, you are not alone and I know how you feel!


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## babyonmymind1

Wow thanks everyone for the responses. I do think that he is afraid that he will fail. I am 30 and he is 40. He has no children and after the first 2 months of trying and we weren't pregnant he was discouraged and immediately thought that something was wrong with him. i explained to him that we need to time stuff and he thinks because he is 40 his chances are lower and I told him no that is not the case for men like it is for women. He is just a worry wart and honestly before trying to have kids we had a great sex life. I am not saying our sex life is bad now there is just all this pressure and I don't know how to not think about it and pretend like it isn't the elephant in the room ya know. I can definitely see him being afraid of failing and knowing how bad I want this so kinda feel like what we don't know won't hurt us. He is not controlling at all I am just not going to be a psycho about it. We have only been trying since January and my doctor said it could take up a year but I can tell something scares him and he tells me his fears we talk about them and then its like he has a month to rethink them again and is all worried again. I know deep down he wants kids I just dont know how to push past all these fears and barriers he has.


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## MrsParker

Maybe try explaining to him that a normal healthy couple with no fetility issues (thats a lot to ask lol) only has a 25ish % chance of getting pregnant each month. Me and DH naively thought it would happen straight away but it really doesn't. 

Remind him of some older celeb dads as well, there are guys having babies in their 70's! hopefully whatever the issue is you can identify it and work on it because there is clearly something going on his end.

good luck x


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## danielle1984

babyonmymind1 said:


> Yes I have told him I feel misled. I feel like he is telling me he wants a baby just because he knows how bad I want one but deep down he doesn't feel ready or is just very scared. I even told him if he was that scared we could wait a few months. he told me no that he felt better just talking about it. Last night when I tried to initiate and he told me he was too full I told him well this is the good days of the month and he just looked and me and smiled and held me close to him but didn't say a word. I tried again with well don't go to sleep you may feel better and he kinda whispered stop pressuring me and help me closer. I really don't feel like I have been pressuring him at all. I have been understanding and trying to help him with his concerns for the past 6 months and I don't think I can do this anymore. I just want the truth. This is also our first year of marriage and it has been wonderful and I am trying not to argue about things I want to talk about them but what he says and what he does are two different things. One sentence he is picking out names for our babies and the next he is turning me down during my most fertile time. I just don't understand him.

Ah! I totally understand you! We have been TTC for a year but I don't think mine is ready too, but he said he is. When I announce to him that I was pregnant in January, he was so stress out and he seem upset about it that he left work came at home and told me we need to go to the hospital to double check if I'm truly pregnant. When I lost it, he was totally fine. He doesn't want to talk about babies, or names. He doesn't even seem excited. During O time, he's always tired too, but he made an effort this month. Aren't men suppose to be excited too about this? I feel like I'm alone in this, that he's not taking part of the TTC thing.


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## CooCooCaChoo

This thread is bitter sweet for me. I am sad, actually in tears (stupid hormones).
I am heartbroken for you and what you are going thru. I agree with these ladies that are writing comments along the lines of him needing to "man up". He isn't being fair. He cannot say he is ready and then tell you to stop pressuring him when its "time". He either isn't be truthful to you, or himself, or possibly both of you. Your need to vent is 100% real and justified. Im so sorry you are going thru this. 

This thread has also made me realize how truly blessed I am to have the support I need, from my hubby, by my side, while we TTC. He rides this roller coaster too. Its not always pretty or fun, and sometimes he doesn't grasp all the ups and downs I truly feel on some days, but I've never had to feel what you are feeling. This makes me appreciate even more what I have and kind of served as a wake up call to not take him for granted.

I wish I could say something that would help you get thru to him. Although I cannot offer any helpful advice, I can offer to be a sounding board for times that you need to talk. Stay strong Girl, and don't ever think for second you don't have the right to be upset or hurt by this. :hugs:

Im adding this: If you really believe he is worried about his fertility, check out my thread "Home Sperm Analysis (Micra) - Great Thing". I feel like a darn salesperson pushing this, and I am really not, but its a great option that saves some men the embarrassment of going to the DR.... Good Luck Sweetie.


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## Gunnhilde

danielle1984 said:


> Ah! I totally understand you! We have been TTC for a year but I don't think mine is ready too, but he said he is. When I announce to him that I was pregnant in January, he was so stress out and he seem upset about it that he left work came at home and told me we need to go to the hospital to double check if I'm truly pregnant. When I lost it, he was totally fine. He doesn't want to talk about babies, or names. He doesn't even seem excited. During O time, he's always tired too, but he made an effort this month. Aren't men suppose to be excited too about this? I feel like I'm alone in this, that he's not taking part of the TTC thing.

That is exactly how it was with my ex-husband when we were TTC. When I finally ended up pregnant he had a total meltdown and just wasn't ready. We ended up getting divorced when I was pregnant and he's never seen his daughter. Lesson learned about men and never being with someone who isn't 100% ready to be a father.

My wonderful fiance is the total opposite. He wants kids and is totally disappointed that we haven't gotten our BFP this month. :thumbup: I guess you have to go through a few bad ones before you get a keeper. :serenade:


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## kimberleyrobx

whenever i want sex but my partner doesnt, i actually force him to the bedroom lol turns into a play fight and then we end up DTD! try buying some sexy underwear or a sexy outfit, try and turn him on make him get in the mood! x


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## hopefuljm

reading your post reminds me of my dh in many ways. We have tried off and on for many years. I try to keep in fun but he takes it very personally and stresses about it. We both want a baby very badly. We are very active but many times he is not in the mood when the time is important. Best of luck to you and your dh.


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## mumwannab

your situation definitely reminds me of my own!! :nope: spoke to hubby on several occasions about his unwillingness to have sex with me and he was always using work as an excuse. I know that he absolutely loves me but i was getting to a point where i started questioning my own attractiveness :(

over several conversations, it did finally come out that hubby was feeling quite insecure about himself and even felt like the reason why we're not having a baby after TTC for 3 months is his fault (we now know it's pcos related..). Things did improve slightly after we had that conversation.. 

Anyway, the biggest turn came about when we went to the chemist about a month ago to pick up my pregnancy vitamins. Hubby walked past the aisle with male vitamins and decided to pick up some male performance vitamins.. (he was so embarrassed about it he rushed me to the counter immediately and made me pay while he waited outside ) It's been about 2 weeks now and he can't get his hands off me! :happydance: I'm sure it's all in his head but it sure works for him!


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## dozydormouse

Oh dear, sad to say I'm in a samey sort of situ babyonmymind1. My supposedly-dear husband has informed me tonight that he's really tired and he forgot it was a special time. I didn't push it this time, as it's so humiliating when I'm practically begging - I shouldn't have to!
He has a lower sex drive than me, always has done. Makes no difference if I : tell him I'm ovulating (or not) / stave off sex until ovulation (or just try for whenever I can get it) / Cry (or be calm) / act sexy (or sulk).
Thought he was getting better at working at this baby-making, he started giving it a go even when I could tell he wasn't fully keen. But even though I know he wants a baby too and he's pretty good at biology, he doesn't get that he's throwing away months of my life!

I think I'm just about to ovulate, he's going away tomorrow on a stag do til Sunday evening and he's rolled over and gone to sleep


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## AshleyLK

I would like to say I was in a similar situation. We just are not a "two times a day" kinda couple and I was getting stressed when I wasn't getting pregnant! Of course I let him know the situation AND I mentioned that if we didn't get pregnant conventionally, we would have to go get IUI, which can be very intimidating for a man who is as private as my husband. 

Unless he wants to go the expensive, medically assisted route, explain to him you guys should really try the conventional method. I don't know if it would be an incentive for him to perform, it might help!

Also, maybe if he doesn't feel like performing, you could always look into at home insemination with his sperm after he takes care of himself? This perhaps will eliminate his performance anxiety? 

I know if you are anything like me, I would try anything once to get pregnant ;)


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## samoorah1983

Hi I am on the same boat as well. this our 3rd year of marriage, our anniversary is in July. I am 28 and husband 29. Both healthy. When we first got married I wanted to wait a couple of months before we try, we started talking about how cute our baby would look like when we have em, he would talk about how he wants a cute little girl and how they're so sweet and caring, rather than a boy because boys are trouble makers Lool.. So whenever I feel we have a fertile time he would just say I am tired, my legs hurt, I'm full, I'm sleepy and on and on. I don't blame my husband he works his ass off... But problem is I try to hold it off right to when I ovulate, he'll do it once or twice and stop... My cycle is not regulated, it ranges from 28 -30 or 34 depends, so my ovulation time pushes backwards and forward.. I have been riding this train till now... Every single month that passed by ever since we got married we ALWAYS miss our window ALWAYS!! Why? Because he's tired, and then he tells me oh you got your period?? I'm devastated!! I get upset and he makes me feel like I'm the one with problems and maybe it's just me that I can't conceive. Which I did all the doctors checks, ovaries , utures, Fallopian tubes, pap, all normal. But I am at high risk of hypothyroid which my doctor said that it does not affect us to have a child. I love husband to death I can't live without him, he wants children more than anyone but he's not trying... I'm sorry about the loooong story , but I gotta try with him if it takes me forever.... Don't get sad it's just a matter of the right time. :dust:


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## baby222

Sorry Samoorah1983 to know your story .....keep your faith on....and don't stop trying I wish to assist you but try with your self first .......

the first step to change any situation you must start changing yourself first


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## marymoomin

I can relate to this. I had an ectopic and I was hell bent on getting pregnant again. I used to wake of up at all hours for sex around ov. Eventually the pressure became too much and he couldnt perform as well. 
We have since had a baby and are ttc#2 and I dont mention ov any more, that way it takes the pressure off him. 
Good luck!
xx


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## lilesMom

sounds kind of crude but a bj to start off is guaraunteed to get him in the mood, i know u shouldnt be the one making all d effort but if it works ye r both happy. people will prob kill me for saying it but it can def work :) best of luck to all.


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## pcsoph2890

God this is so my story too. Months ago i told husband that i was in the fertile period, and he replied that after i told him that it was the last thing he wanted to do to be told that he had to dtd. So now i don't bother, but during the time we just don't have enough sex to conceive, i would like to be at it like rabbits throughout the whole period, but he is tired, aching (from all his sports training), late off work (or i am) so we never do it. Sometimes he just turns over and falls asleep, and i have cried myself to sleep on occasions. Makes me feel unwanted and unattractive thinking he should be wanting to pounce on me too. I have tried on occasions too to instigate things and he (sorry TMI) looses his erection, so i just stop and he's asleep in a couple of minutes - just feel at times it is me that is putting all the effort into TTC, by buying OPK's, checking CM etc and think what is the point?
I'm hoping that by the middle of June it'll all change as he is training for a competition and he'll be able to relax more and dtd more without being too knackered.
It's been 11 months TTC and as the lady said above i feel a bit stupid going to the doctors as i'm sure when they look at the chart they'll say we just aren't having enough sex.
But i know he wants children as each time i get my AF he is so disapointed and asks when we'll get pregnant - if he asks this month (as only dtd 1 day in fertile period - the day before 0 - so quite sure AF will be visiting again) i'll be straight with him that we don't have enough sex and be very blunt with him about the fertile period and we just aren't hitting it!

If in June we give it a good go and nothing happens then i'll go back to the doctors and see whether there is something wrong with us - i'm panicking as i'm 37, husband is 32, so he just undertstand that if there is something wrong then we have a short period of time to get it sorted!

Onwards and upwards i suppose!


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## Loveya

I know it might be abit of a turn off but if he wants a baby as much as you do would it help if you told him that it was your most fertile day and it would be the best time to conceive. I always tell my OH and even if we are tired we will make sure we dtd to have the best chance. 
Luckily my OH doesn't mind being told when I'm most fertile as he knows it will help.

Good luck with it :)


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## lily28

lilesMom said:


> sounds kind of crude but a bj to start off is guaraunteed to get him in the mood, i know u shouldnt be the one making all d effort but if it works ye r both happy. people will prob kill me for saying it but it can def work :) best of luck to all.


Lol yep that usually works...

Anyways I also have a very reluctant to have sex hubby, and it gives to my nerves. I know for a fact other man can;t get enough, and mine is the opposite. 

Enough of my rant :growlmad:, I'm going to take a lh test now.


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## baby222

samoorah1983 said:


> Hi I am on the same boat as well. this our 3rd year of marriage, our anniversary is in July. I am 28 and husband 29. Both healthy. When we first got married I wanted to wait a couple of months before we try, we started talking about how cute our baby would look like when we have em, he would talk about how he wants a cute little girl and how they're so sweet and caring, rather than a boy because boys are trouble makers Lool.. So whenever I feel we have a fertile time he would just say I am tired, my legs hurt, I'm full, I'm sleepy and on and on. I don't blame my husband he works his ass off... But problem is I try to hold it off right to when I ovulate, he'll do it once or twice and stop... My cycle is not regulated, it ranges from 28 -30 or 34 depends, so my ovulation time pushes backwards and forward.. I have been riding this train till now... Every single month that passed by ever since we got married we ALWAYS miss our window ALWAYS!! Why? Because he's tired, and then he tells me oh you got your period?? I'm devastated!! I get upset and he makes me feel like I'm the one with problems and maybe it's just me that I can't conceive. Which I did all the doctors checks, ovaries , utures, Fallopian tubes, pap, all normal. But I am at high risk of hypothyroid which my doctor said that it does not affect us to have a child. I love husband to death I can't live without him, he wants children more than anyone but he's not trying... I'm sorry about the loooong story , but I gotta try with him if it takes me forever.... Don't get sad it's just a matter of the right time. :dust:


Sorry Samoorah1983 to know your story .....keep your faith on....and don't stop trying I wish to assist you but try with your self first .......

the first step to change any situation you must start changing yourself first


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## dozydormouse

baby222 said:


> samoorah1983 said:
> 
> 
> Hi I am on the same boat as well. this our 3rd year of marriage, our anniversary is in July. I am 28 and husband 29. Both healthy. When we first got married I wanted to wait a couple of months before we try, we started talking about how cute our baby would look like when we have em, he would talk about how he wants a cute little girl and how they're so sweet and caring, rather than a boy because boys are trouble makers Lool.. So whenever I feel we have a fertile time he would just say I am tired, my legs hurt, I'm full, I'm sleepy and on and on. I don't blame my husband he works his ass off... But problem is I try to hold it off right to when I ovulate, he'll do it once or twice and stop... My cycle is not regulated, it ranges from 28 -30 or 34 depends, so my ovulation time pushes backwards and forward.. I have been riding this train till now... Every single month that passed by ever since we got married we ALWAYS miss our window ALWAYS!! Why? Because he's tired, and then he tells me oh you got your period?? I'm devastated!! I get upset and he makes me feel like I'm the one with problems and maybe it's just me that I can't conceive. Which I did all the doctors checks, ovaries , utures, Fallopian tubes, pap, all normal. But I am at high risk of hypothyroid which my doctor said that it does not affect us to have a child. I love husband to death I can't live without him, he wants children more than anyone but he's not trying... I'm sorry about the loooong story , but I gotta try with him if it takes me forever.... Don't get sad it's just a matter of the right time. :dust:
> 
> 
> Sorry Samoorah1983 to know your story .....keep your faith on....and don't stop trying I wish to assist you but try with your self first .......
> 
> the first step to change any situation you must start changing yourself firstClick to expand...

Um, baby222, I noticed your comment before and thought maybe I didn't read it properly to understand, then saw it again but still don't understand - what do you mean?


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## Gingersnaps

I read a study recently that said, sex when expected to perform ie baby making can cause performance issues. It is not a definite but it can. Common sense really. Once you have been ttc more than a month or two it puts pressure on you both, but honestly the guy has to do something and that can be psychologically hard at times. We are ttc but I do not mention my 'time'. I also initiate at other times of the month (very important). I get disappointed if miss a day i want but we usually get at least two in the fertile window. Sex before O is very important. The best is supposed to be the two days leading up to O. Do not get upset if you miss one as then you may ruin your chances for the next day. Don't let ttc turn into a squabble. And make sure he knows you want him ttc aside. If you like I will find the article for you.


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## vicky84

My hubby suggested in march we have a baby, i had coil removed in april , gettin him to BD at the right time is a NIGHTMARE he just goes im tired *sigh*

Sorry ive edited cos ive read more, i love this thread, makes me feel a little less ALONE. Im thinking of scrapping all means of"ttc" BTT and OPKs and just being OK with the fact he will do it when he wants (or so he thinks) 

Last night i was playing with him for ages and then he yawned and went "im tired now" LOL are u really well u may be waiting a while before that happens again!!


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## lilesMom

i hve a much higher sex drive than my other half so i do understand wasnt trying to be flippant. i used to think it was my fault and feel shitty over it but now i dont cos i know its just a chemical thing, as long as ye both enjoy it when ye do. guys egos go a bit funny too if they reckon u dont really want him just a baby making machine and it can put pressure on him too. i know we r under pressure and shouldnt hve to do all d work but if u manage to make it less like work, u will both enjoy the whole process more. be as honest as u can with him without blame for either of u and it will make it easier. sometimes they just might not realise just how important it is to u or just how important timing is, we do our research a lot o the time they dont. they just think that loads o people get preggers by accident so why the pressure. best of luck hope u feel better about it and hope u get ur bfp sooon to all xxx

lots of cuddles that dont lead to sex helps ye both feel better too :)


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## samoorah1983

baby222 said:


> samoorah1983 said:
> 
> 
> Hi I am on the same boat as well. this our 3rd year of marriage, our anniversary is in July. I am 28 and husband 29. Both healthy. When we first got married I wanted to wait a couple of months before we try, we started talking about how cute our baby would look like when we have em, he would talk about how he wants a cute little girl and how they're so sweet and caring, rather than a boy because boys are trouble makers Lool.. So whenever I feel we have a fertile time he would just say I am tired, my legs hurt, I'm full, I'm sleepy and on and on. I don't blame my husband he works his ass off... But problem is I try to hold it off right to when I ovulate, he'll do it once or twice and stop... My cycle is not regulated, it ranges from 28 -30 or 34 depends, so my ovulation time pushes backwards and forward.. I have been riding this train till now... Every single month that passed by ever since we got married we ALWAYS miss our window ALWAYS!! Why? Because he's tired, and then he tells me oh you got your period?? I'm devastated!! I get upset and he makes me feel like I'm the one with problems and maybe it's just me that I can't conceive. Which I did all the doctors checks, ovaries , utures, Fallopian tubes, pap, all normal. But I am at high risk of hypothyroid which my doctor said that it does not affect us to have a child. I love husband to death I can't live without him, he wants children more than anyone but he's not trying... I'm sorry about the loooong story , but I gotta try with him if it takes me forever.... Don't get sad it's just a matter of the right time. :dust:
> 
> 
> Sorry Samoorah1983 to know your story .....keep your faith on....and don't stop trying I wish to assist you but try with your self first .......
> 
> the first step to change any situation you must start changing yourself firstClick to expand...


Hi baby222 I don't understand what do I need to change myself about? I'm kinda confused? Can you explain why I need to change myself?


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## lily28

lilesMom said:


> i hve a much higher sex drive than my other half so i do understand wasnt trying to be flippant. i used to think it was my fault and feel shitty over it but now i dont cos i know its just a chemical thing, as long as ye both enjoy it when ye do. guys egos go a bit funny too if they reckon u dont really want him just a baby making machine and it can put pressure on him too. i know we r under pressure and shouldnt hve to do all d work but if u manage to make it less like work, u will both enjoy the whole process more. be as honest as u can with him without blame for either of u and it will make it easier. sometimes they just might not realise just how important it is to u or just how important timing is, we do our research a lot o the time they dont. they just think that loads o people get preggers by accident so why the pressure. best of luck hope u feel better about it and hope u get ur bfp sooon to all xxx
> 
> lots of cuddles that dont lead to sex helps ye both feel better too :)

Same here...

The thing is without sex there isn't going to be any baby. Simple as that. No matter how hard I try, by planning, taking opks, bbt etc etc if he can't perform the result will always be the same. He seems like he doesn't care and say he is just tired but often I wonder he is just not into me sometimes. I never tell him about making babies, or that I'm ovulating. Then we wouldn't have ANY sex at all.:dohh:


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## baby222

samoorah1983 said:


> baby222 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> samoorah1983 said:
> 
> 
> Hi I am on the same boat as well. this our 3rd year of marriage, our anniversary is in July. I am 28 and husband 29. Both healthy. When we first got married I wanted to wait a couple of months before we try, we started talking about how cute our baby would look like when we have em, he would talk about how he wants a cute little girl and how they're so sweet and caring, rather than a boy because boys are trouble makers Lool.. So whenever I feel we have a fertile time he would just say I am tired, my legs hurt, I'm full, I'm sleepy and on and on. I don't blame my husband he works his ass off... But problem is I try to hold it off right to when I ovulate, he'll do it once or twice and stop... My cycle is not regulated, it ranges from 28 -30 or 34 depends, so my ovulation time pushes backwards and forward.. I have been riding this train till now... Every single month that passed by ever since we got married we ALWAYS miss our window ALWAYS!! Why? Because he's tired, and then he tells me oh you got your period?? I'm devastated!! I get upset and he makes me feel like I'm the one with problems and maybe it's just me that I can't conceive. Which I did all the doctors checks, ovaries , utures, Fallopian tubes, pap, all normal. But I am at high risk of hypothyroid which my doctor said that it does not affect us to have a child. I love husband to death I can't live without him, he wants children more than anyone but he's not trying... I'm sorry about the loooong story , but I gotta try with him if it takes me forever.... Don't get sad it's just a matter of the right time. :dust:
> 
> First of all you need to keep your faith in God
> 
> Convince yourself that you can make a baby , not you need a baby but you can't make it
> 
> I was in the same boat until some one gave me some advices, now I am pregnant ...thanks GOD
> 
> Pray , Pray and Pray
> 
> ask God as much as you can , dont give up
> 
> be Honest with your self instead to be Honest with someone else and answer on these sample questions ?
> 
> are you really want a baby ? or you act?
> is your husband want a baby ? or he acts?
> are you suffering from any problems ?
> is your husband suffering from any problems ?
> 
> and any other questions you think that will affect on your problem....
> 
> write them down and try to fix your problems first
> 
> Treatment will never found before you find your problem.
> 
> 
> 70% of People that have problems is an illusion because they dont know their problems .
> 
> 
> Be patient and let start this program together
> 
> trust me the last thing in my mind was my problem, when I fixed it I became pregnant. Thnaks GOD
> 
> I will be in touch with youClick to expand...Click to expand...


----------



## baby222

baby222 said:


> samoorah1983 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> baby222 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> samoorah1983 said:
> 
> 
> Hi I am on the same boat as well. this our 3rd year of marriage, our anniversary is in July. I am 28 and husband 29. Both healthy. When we first got married I wanted to wait a couple of months before we try, we started talking about how cute our baby would look like when we have em, he would talk about how he wants a cute little girl and how they're so sweet and caring, rather than a boy because boys are trouble makers Lool.. So whenever I feel we have a fertile time he would just say I am tired, my legs hurt, I'm full, I'm sleepy and on and on. I don't blame my husband he works his ass off... But problem is I try to hold it off right to when I ovulate, he'll do it once or twice and stop... My cycle is not regulated, it ranges from 28 -30 or 34 depends, so my ovulation time pushes backwards and forward.. I have been riding this train till now... Every single month that passed by ever since we got married we ALWAYS miss our window ALWAYS!! Why? Because he's tired, and then he tells me oh you got your period?? I'm devastated!! I get upset and he makes me feel like I'm the one with problems and maybe it's just me that I can't conceive. Which I did all the doctors checks, ovaries , utures, Fallopian tubes, pap, all normal. But I am at high risk of hypothyroid which my doctor said that it does not affect us to have a child. I love husband to death I can't live without him, he wants children more than anyone but he's not trying... I'm sorry about the loooong story , but I gotta try with him if it takes me forever.... Don't get sad it's just a matter of the right time. :dust:
> 
> 
> In the question "you act like want the baby ? "
> 
> means do you want the baby because you want the baby or you want the baby because people want it
> 
> Or you want the baby because people look at you in different way because you dont have it till now
> 
> DONT LET PEOPLE AFFECT ON
> 
> You are normal trust me but you are not patient look at my previous post for you and let start this simple program to solve any problemClick to expand...
> 
> Click to expand...Click to expand...


----------



## Hopeful214

baby222 I love ur outlook and motivation..!!:thumbup:


----------



## baby222

Hopeful214 said:


> baby222 I love ur outlook and motivation..!!:thumbup:

we need to help each others Hopeful214


----------



## samoorah1983

baby222 said:


> baby222 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> samoorah1983 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> baby222 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> samoorah1983 said:
> 
> 
> Hi I am on the same boat as well. this our 3rd year of marriage, our anniversary is in July. I am 28 and husband 29. Both healthy. When we first got married I wanted to wait a couple of months before we try, we started talking about how cute our baby would look like when we have em, he would talk about how he wants a cute little girl and how they're so sweet and caring, rather than a boy because boys are trouble makers Lool.. So whenever I feel we have a fertile time he would just say I am tired, my legs hurt, I'm full, I'm sleepy and on and on. I don't blame my husband he works his ass off... But problem is I try to hold it off right to when I ovulate, he'll do it once or twice and stop... My cycle is not regulated, it ranges from 28 -30 or 34 depends, so my ovulation time pushes backwards and forward.. I have been riding this train till now... Every single month that passed by ever since we got married we ALWAYS miss our window ALWAYS!! Why? Because he's tired, and then he tells me oh you got your period?? I'm devastated!! I get upset and he makes me feel like I'm the one with problems and maybe it's just me that I can't conceive. Which I did all the doctors checks, ovaries , utures, Fallopian tubes, pap, all normal. But I am at high risk of hypothyroid which my doctor said that it does not affect us to have a child. I love husband to death I can't live without him, he wants children more than anyone but he's not trying... I'm sorry about the loooong story , but I gotta try with him if it takes me forever.... Don't get sad it's just a matter of the right time. :dust:
> 
> 
> In the question "you act like want the baby ? "
> 
> means do you want the baby because you want the baby or you want the baby because people want it
> 
> Or you want the baby because people look at you in different way because you dont have it till now
> 
> DONT LET PEOPLE AFFECT ON
> 
> You are normal trust me but you are not patient look at my previous post for you and let start this simple program to solve any problemClick to expand...
> 
> 
> Hi baby222 Thank You for your motivation and support as of believing and praying.. I am doing that too... But it's hard when there's a lack of intimacy when it comes to baby making or let alone have intimacy... My husband works night shifts , comes home at 7 in the morning... I get up at 7 get ready to go to work. Our problems doesn't concern people how they think of us , or when we should haves baby, it's our concern and we both have to deal with it. Whoever is outside our bubble does not concern us whether it's friends or family. As of health issues were both healthy. I on the other hand am at high risk of hypothyroid, but that does not stop me from getting pregnant. I did all the testings more than 3 times , I understand it's god willing to have children. But we are the issue of not completing the assignment or even trying to put effort in completing the tasks in life. For an example, why do we work? Why do we eat? Why do we sleep? Everything has a reason of all the things that we do in life and we always thank god for our jobs that we have to provide us and put a roof on top of our heads. But we made that happen . My main point is as for people to get what they want, they have to try, whether it's work, babies, success, school anything... Everything is in our hand. And again thanks for your motivation.Click to expand...
> 
> Click to expand...Click to expand...


----------



## Hormonal10

Hi there
I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months with no success. Before TTC my husband had a far higher drive than me but since trying it feels like he's hardly ever in the mood. I'm finding the feeling of rejection pretty hard to get used to and never expected it to be this way. I wish I could offer a magic answer but I'm afraid I don't have one just wanted to let you know your not alone!
I would say though whatever you do make sure you talk to each other after all your in it together. My husband and I lived together for quite a while before getting married but still found our first few years of marriage quite a learning curve. Try and give yourselves a break (a lot harder than it sounds I know) and enjoy your marriage because when the baby does come along the marriage will have to come second. We've decided next month we're gonna cancel our plans and give up on the house work for the ovulation days and have an 'us' night, worth a try!


----------



## samoorah1983

Hormonal10 said:


> Hi there
> I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months with no success. Before TTC my husband had a far higher drive than me but since trying it feels like he's hardly ever in the mood. I'm finding the feeling of rejection pretty hard to get used to and never expected it to be this way. I wish I could offer a magic answer but I'm afraid I don't have one just wanted to let you know your not alone!
> I would say though whatever you do make sure you talk to each other after all your in it together. My husband and I lived together for quite a while before getting married but still found our first few years of marriage quite a learning curve. Try and give yourselves a break (a lot harder than it sounds I know) and enjoy your marriage because when the baby does come along the marriage will have to come second. We've decided next month we're gonna cancel our plans and give up on the house work for the ovulation days and have an 'us' night, worth a try!

Ya I need to do that ovulation is coming up soon and I want us to get busy hopefully hell give in .. I will talk to him about it... And hope hell understand ... Well see what happens.. :dust:


----------



## 2have4kids

Hi samoorah, I have a few suggestions. You said something a while back that he may be taking it personally having not been successful the first two times and having him be 40? My husband's 42 and has amazing fertility, (64 mill last iui squirt-it's me who's the problem child) so age shouldn't get him down. If you use ovulation tests you don't need to bd the whole week, just once or twice when you need it. And with knowing when you'll o, have you tried bluffing? Maybe try asking him for a bd and let him know it's that time on day 11 knowing that you haven't ovulated or knowing you normally ovulate day 17. You'll receive your usual rejection, then once off the hook a few days/week later when the positive O occurs jump him. I know it's not nice to use reverse psychology but it's amazing what mind blocks can do when we're aiming for success.

What about counseling? My partner responds really well to third party intervention. When there's something going on in our relationship that I need changed, he won't take it from me no matter how creative I get in encouraging the appropriate response from him. But when a third person is in the room, there's a different level of accountability and openness. I've learned alot, he comes out with some interesting things. And who knows, maybe just the thought of counseling will spur frolicksome moments of bd'ing, just when you need it most.:happydance:

Finally, I'm a Fine Arts grad and without wanting to offend anyone, I'd like to suggest trying to introduce some porn. Visual "art" if I may call it, is the quickest way to illicit response. If the sperm collection clinics can provide porn for our husbands in order to complete the job for iui/ivf, why can't we help them out too? I think the risk of taking their mind back to a very carnal place and out of the land of poopy diapers and screaming babies is so worth the effort. I'm happy to push that button on our TV digital remote if my husband is a little weary but he's more reserved than I and never lets me (I think I'd actually enjoy it more than him being a visual person). Who knows, maybe it'll be the opposite for you two? Just a suggestion out of the very best wishes for you two :hugs: :friends:


----------



## lilesMom

lily 28
[
Same here...

The thing is without sex there isn't going to be any baby. Simple as that. No matter how hard I try, by planning, taking opks, bbt etc etc if he can't perform the result will always be the same. He seems like he doesn't care and say he is just tired but often I wonder he is just not into me sometimes. I never tell him about making babies, or that I'm ovulating. Then we wouldn't have ANY sex at all.:dohh:[/QUOTE]


i feel ur pain, it is so bloody frustrating when u feel like u are the only one who gives a damn. maybe give him a kick in the ass and tell him u really need his co operation and ask him does he honestly want a baby or what. u hve obviously tried to treat him softly and he isnt playing ball. im not sure if this is any help at all but im not sure what else to say and i really really hope it work s out for u. i know how strong the longing for ur baby is and i hope u work it out xxxx


----------



## lilesMom

Hormonal10 said:


> Hi there
> I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months with no success. Before TTC my husband had a far higher drive than me but since trying it feels like he's hardly ever in the mood. I'm finding the feeling of rejection pretty hard to get used to and never expected it to be this way. I wish I could offer a magic answer but I'm afraid I don't have one just wanted to let you know your not alone!
> I would say though whatever you do make sure you talk to each other after all your in it together. My husband and I lived together for quite a while before getting married but still found our first few years of marriage quite a learning curve. Try and give yourselves a break (a lot harder than it sounds I know) and enjoy your marriage because when the baby does come along the marriage will have to come second. We've decided next month we're gonna cancel our plans and give up on the house work for the ovulation days and have an 'us' night, worth a try!



hey hope u get ur good news soon hon. 
maybe ur hubby wants a baby but is a little scared by the change it will bring hence the hesitation, he knows how badly u want it so maybe he is afraid to voice his fears . plus no man likes to admit being a bit scared. :) 
hope ur new plan works, we tried for 2 months when i concieved and the 3rd month we didnt try cos i was goin away on hols and it was that month it worked with bd on one day only :)
best of luck to u and hope u get ur good news soon x


----------



## baby222

Samoorah1983 that agood thing that u dont concern people
And u r doing well when u pray but that is not every thing..

U nee to realize why you dont havee baby until this moment


Do u know why? cause you pushibg it.

Relax and dnt even think about it

Live every moment as its the last moment in ur life

If this is the last moment in ur life what would u do? 
I will give u the answer.....

1. U will enjoy it
2.u will do any thing u wish to do for a long time
3.u will fix any mistake u have done 

But u will never make a baby 

So live in faith, in hope, in love and make sure when baby nock on the door u will open it


----------



## lilesMom

hey samoorah, just wanted to let u know i have hypothyroid and take tablets every day for it and i concieved on my third month. my friend is the same as me and concieved in her first month and has a healthy baby now . just to let u know if your thyroxine levels arent crazy, ( ie are under control) u wont have extra trouble just by having low thyroid, in case ur worried about it :) but they do monitor ur levels while pregnant in case u need to adjust medication. 
take it easy on urself, it is by no means ur fault, u dont need to change urself, just take it easy on urself. x
best of luck to u hon. :)


----------



## dozydormouse

baby222 said:


> Samoorah1983 that agood thing that u dont concern people
> And u r doing well when u pray but that is not every thing..
> 
> U nee to realize why you dont havee baby until this moment
> 
> 
> Do u know why? cause you pushibg it.
> 
> Relax and dnt even think about it
> 
> Live every moment as its the last moment in ur life
> 
> If this is the last moment in ur life what would u do?
> I will give u the answer.....
> 
> 1. U will enjoy it
> 2.u will do any thing u wish to do for a long time
> 3.u will fix any mistake u have done
> 
> But u will never make a baby
> 
> So live in faith, in hope, in love and make sure when baby nock on the door u will open it

Baby222, I appreciate you're probably trying to help and you don't mean to sound condescending, but don't forget that everyone is in a different situation, no matter how similar they seem. What works for you might not work for everyone and not all people believe in God (I do, as it happens). Also, do you think it would be gentler to write "maybe you could" or "what works for me is" instead of "you need to"


----------



## dozydormouse

Babyonmymind1, how are you doing today? Hope you're feeling better and that he's made some progress. :hugs:


----------



## vicky84

well i think i pretty much have to go with what will be will be, hubbys doin harder work now and is knackered when he gets in at 7am, when he gets his day off hes so tired hes sleeping and wants to relax. *sigh* wouldnt care if it wasnt his piggin idea to have one


----------



## baby222

dozydormouse said:


> baby222 said:
> 
> 
> Samoorah1983 that agood thing that u dont concern people
> And u r doing well when u pray but that is not every thing..
> 
> U nee to realize why you dont havee baby until this moment
> 
> 
> Do u know why? cause you pushibg it.
> 
> Relax and dnt even think about it
> 
> Live every moment as its the last moment in ur life
> 
> If this is the last moment in ur life what would u do?
> I will give u the answer.....
> 
> 1. U will enjoy it
> 2.u will do any thing u wish to do for a long time
> 3.u will fix any mistake u have done
> 
> But u will never make a baby
> 
> So live in faith, in hope, in love and make sure when baby nock on the door u will open it
> 
> Baby222, I appreciate you're probably trying to help and you don't mean to sound condescending, but don't forget that everyone is in a different situation, no matter how similar they seem. What works for you might not work for everyone and not all people believe in God (I do, as it happens). Also, do you think it would be gentler to write "maybe you could" or "what works for me is" instead of "you need to"Click to expand...


Thats right ,....excuse my langauge, but I dont mean no Harm ....

its all about to keep every one motivated and to remember that as long as we still a live we can do a lot of things instead to focus on one thing and make our life stuck in a certain point


----------



## vicky84

in a way i kind of agree, i was so flippant when i concieved my first 2, they were both fast, was was sure as hell it "just wouldnt happen" and i was wrong, now im on my 3rd cycle. Of course you are right - hubby may well be gettin stressed about it and wondering if its just him not working - well we already had two children together! So im literally not pushing, and its killing me, but weve had little - no intimacy for a good week and a bit now , which for us is not normal. So im gonna relax, i know O time is approaching and i just have to hope he goes for it!!


----------



## RKW

Hi, really feel your pain with this one. It's the most frustrating thing ever. After 18 months of trying I caught my OH smoking at a party this weekend. I am so disappointed as he knows how much it affects fertility. I just think men think of things do differently to women. Hope it all sorts out soon


----------



## vicky84

That too - hubby didnt smoke before and does now and i dont think he understands


----------



## lily28

^ Oh dear. he must quit asap. Smoking is sooo bad. Not just for ttc, but mainly for his health. I'm sure he doesn't wish his 2 beautiful daughters orphans, right? Smoking is self destructive and nothing good comes out of it.


----------



## samoorah1983

lilesMom said:


> hey samoorah, just wanted to let u know i have hypothyroid and take tablets every day for it and i concieved on my third month. my friend is the same as me and concieved in her first month and has a healthy baby now . just to let u know if your thyroxine levels arent crazy, ( ie are under control) u wont have extra trouble just by having low thyroid, in case ur worried about it :) but they do monitor ur levels while pregnant in case u need to adjust medication.
> take it easy on urself, it is by no means ur fault, u dont need to change urself, just take it easy on urself. x
> best of luck to u hon. :)

Thank you so much, you gave me hope, I can't wait to get my blood test done on Monday and see what my levels are at, they haven't diagnosed me yet, but told me I'm at high risk.. Were gonna check and see what level I'm at and if required for any medication. I hope everything goes well.. And thank you....


----------



## samoorah1983

2have4kids said:


> Hi samoorah, I have a few suggestions. You said something a while back that he may be taking it personally having not been successful the first two times and having him be 40? My husband's 42 and has amazing fertility, (64 mill last iui squirt-it's me who's the problem child) so age shouldn't get him down. If you use ovulation tests you don't need to bd the whole week, just once or twice when you need it. And with knowing when you'll o, have you tried bluffing? Maybe try asking him for a bd and let him know it's that time on day 11 knowing that you haven't ovulated or knowing you normally ovulate day 17. You'll receive your usual rejection, then once off the hook a few days/week later when the positive O occurs jump him. I know it's not nice to use reverse psychology but it's amazing what mind blocks can do when we're aiming for success.
> 
> What about counseling? My partner responds really well to third party intervention. When there's something going on in our relationship that I need changed, he won't take it from me no matter how creative I get in encouraging the appropriate response from him. But when a third person is in the room, there's a different level of accountability and openness. I've learned alot, he comes out with some interesting things. And who knows, maybe just the thought of counseling will spur frolicksome moments of bd'ing, just when you need it most.:happydance:
> 
> Finally, I'm a Fine Arts grad and without wanting to offend anyone, I'd like to suggest trying to introduce some porn. Visual "art" if I may call it, is the quickest way to illicit response. If the sperm collection clinics can provide porn for our husbands in order to complete the job for iui/ivf, why can't we help them out too? I think the risk of taking their mind back to a very carnal place and out of the land of poopy diapers and screaming babies is so worth the effort. I'm happy to push that button on our TV digital remote if my husband is a little weary but he's more reserved than I and never lets me (I think I'd actually enjoy it more than him being a visual person). Who knows, maybe it'll be the opposite for you two? Just a suggestion out of the very best wishes for you two :hugs: :friends:

Hi thanks for your response what your saying it's absolutely logic, and that's common sense. My husband is 30 and our life works around a very busy schedule, I'm gonna take your advice and do some changes around. I'm gonna motivate myself to make it work.. Thanks


----------



## babyonmymind1

I am feeling much better. When I went home the night I wrote this my husband actually initiated sex which made me feel so much better. I am actually 3 days late on my period but do not have my hopes up yet (I did that last month just to be disappointed). I am crossing my fingers and if not at least know that my husband is on board and we can have fun trying next month. I should have know with my husband sometimes patience is all i need to have and I lack that very much. Hope everyone else is doing well. There is light at the end of the tunnel.


----------



## RKW

:thumbup:Good to hear things are looking up:thumbup:


----------



## vicky84

well am happy to say my husbands been a little more inviting today. Sadly its not o day - but the test is darker than it was at this point last cycle so maybe ill o a little earlier - the only catch is i have to convince him its a good idea again then!! LOL


----------



## lilesMom

samoorah1983 said:


> lilesMom said:
> 
> 
> hey samoorah, just wanted to let u know i have hypothyroid and take tablets every day for it and i concieved on my third month. my friend is the same as me and concieved in her first month and has a healthy baby now . just to let u know if your thyroxine levels arent crazy, ( ie are under control) u wont have extra trouble just by having low thyroid, in case ur worried about it :) but they do monitor ur levels while pregnant in case u need to adjust medication.
> take it easy on urself, it is by no means ur fault, u dont need to change urself, just take it easy on urself. x
> best of luck to u hon. :)
> 
> Thank you so much, you gave me hope, I can't wait to get my blood test done on Monday and see what my levels are at, they haven't diagnosed me yet, but told me I'm at high risk.. Were gonna check and see what level I'm at and if required for any medication. I hope everything goes well.. And thank you....Click to expand...


best of luck with the tests and dont worry if they tell u, u have low thyroid it doesnt affect my life at all . i just take my tablets every day and as long as i dont forget im fine, if i do forget one day im just a bit tired that day. if you do get put on thyroxine take it at the same time every day preferably on an empty stomach an hour before food. 
once ever i started to feel symptoms again ( i hve been on them yrs now) and they raised my tablet strength a tiny bit and i was fine again. 
best of luck hon x
:hugs:


----------



## lilesMom

babyonmymind1 said:


> I am feeling much better. When I went home the night I wrote this my husband actually initiated sex which made me feel so much better. I am actually 3 days late on my period but do not have my hopes up yet (I did that last month just to be disappointed). I am crossing my fingers and if not at least know that my husband is on board and we can have fun trying next month. I should have know with my husband sometimes patience is all i need to have and I lack that very much. Hope everyone else is doing well. There is light at the end of the tunnel.



woohoo on both counts. :thumbup:

why does ur profile thingy say sad, hope thats just cos u forgot to change it.
best of luck hon


----------



## Becky07

To the original poster on this thread....
Talk to your husband! Tell him how you feel. If it is irrational and crazy.. who cares... this is your best-friend... the man you will be with forever. If you feel he is not interested in having a baby after saying he would... tell him so. We are dealing with men here not prissy co-ed girls. I am scared for women kind :( If you all can't just talk to your men instead of tip toeing around their feelings. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Have an open and honest relationship... that way if you insult them as you ladies say..... they will tell you it hurt them.. then you can apologize. What is the big deal with saying what is on your mind to the man you love anyway????!!!!!


----------



## Becky07

babyonmymind1 said:


> Hi I could really use some advice from whoever has some. I feel like I am talking my family and friends to sleep about it and they all keep telling me be patient but I feel I need to do more.
> 
> My husband and I decided in January that we would TTC. I have a very regular cycle so was hoping that it would happen within the first few months. I am still not pregnant and I am frustrated because when I am ovulating I can not get my husband to have sex with me. I don't announce it to him I just try to put the moves on and it is always a difference excuse like "I'm tired", "I ate too much", or 'Maybe later" and then he falls asleep. he has done this several months in a row and last month I finally asked him if he was serious about having a baby and he said yeah and expressed some concerns he had. We talked about them and he promised this month we would make our best effort. Well last night which was a good day to TTC according to my calendar I tried to initiate and got shot down AGAIN. I wanted to burst into tears right there but am trying so hard to not make our sex life only about babies but I want a baby so bad. I keep seeing friends get pregnant in one try and some even on accident and it makes me sooooo depressed. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him about it again? If I am not pregnant in a year I don't even think I would feel comfortable asking a doctor for help because we don't know if it is a fertility issue because we have not had sex during my ovulation since we have been trying. I feel so lost. I love my husband with all my heart but I feel betrayed and I don't understand why he is putting me through this. I even told him last month if you are not ready and want to wait that is fine I just need to know because I am stressing myself out about this. PLEASE any advice is appreciated. I am so stressed out and have no concentration cause all I think about is what is wrong with me. Why does he not want to have sex with me?

See above


----------



## Becky07

Hi I could really use some advice from whoever has some. I feel like I am talking my family and friends to sleep about it and they all keep telling me be patient but I feel I need to do more.

My husband and I decided in January that we would TTC. I have a very regular cycle so was hoping that it would happen within the first few months. I am still not pregnant and I am frustrated because when I am ovulating I can not get my husband to have sex with me. I don't announce it to him I just try to put the moves on and it is always a difference excuse like "I'm tired", "I ate too much", or 'Maybe later" and then he falls asleep. he has done this several months in a row and last month I finally asked him if he was serious about having a baby and he said yeah and expressed some concerns he had. We talked about them and he promised this month we would make our best effort. Well last night which was a good day to TTC according to my calendar I tried to initiate and got shot down AGAIN. I wanted to burst into tears right there but am trying so hard to not make our sex life only about babies but I want a baby so bad. I keep seeing friends get pregnant in one try and some even on accident and it makes me sooooo depressed. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him about it again? If I am not pregnant in a year I don't even think I would feel comfortable asking a doctor for help because we don't know if it is a fertility issue because we have not had sex during my ovulation since we have been trying. I feel so lost. I love my husband with all my heart but I feel betrayed and I don't understand why he is putting me through this. I even told him last month if you are not ready and want to wait that is fine I just need to know because I am stressing myself out about this. PLEASE any advice is appreciated. I am so stressed out and have no concentration cause all I think about is what is wrong with me. Why does he not want to have sex with me?


This was what I was responding to. 
B.


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## Faylinameir

okay honestly I CANNOT read all these posts, its too depressing to see some of the issues you ladies are having but I feel strongly I need to share my two cents:

If your husband or whatever doesn't want to have sex or if they're aren't 110% sure they want children, you should NOT be trying to have a baby with this person. This may hurt some people's feelings but you need to think of your child in the event your relationship was to end. My step son is a product of a similar sort of thing, my husband's ex wife went off the BC and pretty much planned it without my husband's knowledge. Unlucky for him and lucky for her, when we was trying to leave her, she actually got pregnant. 9 months later they had my step son, like an idiot my husband's married her and trying very VERY hard to make it work but in the end, it wasn't ment to be. Exwife went psycho, cheated on him for over a year and in the end got everything, including the son. He has suffered pretty much since that day, he grew up thinking he was abandoned and unloved or that it was his fault, reguardless of what anyone else told him. 
You guys just need to realize that its pretty common for men to freak out and eventually leave (or worse). Also, you might realize the guy you loved is actually a different person and you yourself might want out. 

I'm not trying to be super negative, just need to realize these things.

Me personally, I am VERY open with my husband and we often re-evaluate our wishes for children and thankfully for us both its been consistant for the over 8 years we've been trying for one. Recently we have "gotten serious" about it, and I am open and say I am fertile or I have the good mucus today and we should have sex. My husband and I want a child more than we want the air we breathe so often we do what we have to do (lose sleep, take herbs, even have sex in the bathroom because the step son was staying over and we couldn't do it in the bed since we live in a studio apartment).

:dust: 
Dust to everyone.


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## Vorlander

take it from a man, he only knows because your telling him

just tell him its another point in the month, he wont know

just make him an offer he cant refuse at the right times


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## 2have4kids

Becky07 said:


> To the original poster on this thread....
> Talk to your husband! Tell him how you feel. If it is irrational and crazy.. who cares... this is your best-friend... the man you will be with forever. If you feel he is not interested in having a baby after saying he would... tell him so. We are dealing with men here not prissy co-ed girls. I am scared for women kind :( If you all can't just talk to your men instead of tip toeing around their feelings. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Have an open and honest relationship... that way if you insult them as you ladies say..... they will tell you it hurt them.. then you can apologize. What is the big deal with saying what is on your mind to the man you love anyway????!!!!!

Here here! When did we ever become such caretakers that we suppress our own needs? Did our mothers teach us this? If so, it's up to us to stop the cycle. We only have a short time on this earth and when my hubbie starts whining louder than I do I always remind him there's only room for 1 princess in the house, and it's certainly not him! Lol


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## spuddy13

Hi, if I were in your position, I would totally call his bluff and tell him you have had time to think and you don't want to try for a baby for a while. Don't mention it, don't tell him when you are fertile, just pretend you don't care (I know that's going to be so hard) but I personally think if you take away the fact of wanting it, one of two things will happen : he will either agree with you, and then you truly know he isn't wanting to try. Or he will disagree and start to make an effort to try xxx


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## alkemist

I feel like I'm almost in the same boat with the OP. Husband says he wants a family and tells people we are hoping to have a baby within a year and have yet to see him be active about it. I've been more open about it, telling him it's probably a good idea to have sex during my fertility window and I get nothing. Last month, we did have sex on the first day of the window and on ovulation day but every time, it's the same excuse. I'm tired, maybe later, I want to sleep, tomorrow.. and so forth. He works a long shift and everything but a baby isn't going to make itself. This isn't all about baby making sex either, I would like us to have intimacy in that part. We've lived together for 2 years and been married for a few months. I've seen my sex life drop off a cliff maybe half year after we've lived together. It's frustrating, I'm always the one that has to initiate...

Long thread, I haven't read all of it. If you have your problem solved then good luck. If not, well it's time to sit down as adults and have a chat about the situation. At the end of the day, you're not the only one. Having a baby can be a very intimidating life changing situation.


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## oneKnight

I'm not sure you guys. My experience with guys is that if they don't "ever" want to get it on, something is seriously wrong. Like Alkemist, a year or so into my first marriage his sex drive seemed to drop off a cliff. I always had to initiate. Constant rejection HURTS. Well, we lasted almost 6 years, but towards the end I was LUCKY to get some once a month.

I'm in a MUCH better relationship now. Been living together for 9 months and I practically NEVER initiate coz he gets there first! LOL I don't tell him about my cycles or anything, just kinda drop hints that I'm in the mood near O and he runs with it! And there's NO denying that he wants us to have kids. He just wants a girl, and I want a boy haha


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## Faylinameir

oneKnight said:


> I'm not sure you guys. My experience with guys is that if they don't "ever" want to get it on, something is seriously wrong. Like Alkemist, a year or so into my first marriage his sex drive seemed to drop off a cliff. I always had to initiate. Constant rejection HURTS. Well, we lasted almost 6 years, but towards the end I was LUCKY to get some once a month.
> 
> I'm in a MUCH better relationship now. Been living together for 9 months and I practically NEVER initiate coz he gets there first! LOL I don't tell him about my cycles or anything, just kinda drop hints that I'm in the mood near O and he runs with it! And there's NO denying that he wants us to have kids. He just wants a girl, and I want a boy haha

LOL well eventually one of you is going to be happy with the gender  or who knows, maybe twins one boy one girl? :thumbup::baby:


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## Tammy012

Don't be too technical with him. Maybe he gets freaked out when you approach and are like, "Hey, baby, I'm ovulating..." that's like not sexy at all lol Instead, just get all sexual and excited around that time of the month to conceive so he knows you want HIM and not just his sperm lol


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## ACKKMOM

My sh doesn't always want to have sex but when I ignore him and show not interest in initiating sexual intercourse he is ready to go sometimes the man is so stubborn but men get that way. or maybe try telling him you have decided that now is obviously not the right Time for you to have children cuz you guys can't even agree when to have sex or how often. this may also get him more motivated! Happy humping!


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## FaithnHope41

Sometimes I think with talking about it so much and planning and timing when to bd, it takes away the fun and can make hubby not want it like when we're just caught in the moment. I know there have got to be more of you out there that have this happen sometimes too! I tend to try and pull out the lingerie to surprise him!! :)


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## LovesMyLovey

This story saddens me as the same thing happened in my first marriage (lasted 3 years) 
I'd initiate, and he'd shoot me down.. I'd dress up.. still nothing.. and btw.. what man in his right mind turns down oral favors from a beautiful woman dressed in lingerie?? ya.. mine did..
it was heartbreaking. we went 6 weeks without anything. Talking didn't help, hints didnt' help.. nothing did.. after about a year of occasional sex it really started breaking me down.. he said he wanted children.. but yet.. he never wanted to bd when I was o'ing. 
Turns out we just weren't meant for eachother.. I found out he was having an innapropriate friendship with a girl he worked with and that was the final straw.. I filed for divorce.. left everything except what I came in with.. I didn't want a thing to do with anything that belonged to him.. furniture pics.. nothing.
I made sure to throw my lingerie behind the dresser and leave some pieces from our toybox in places I knew he wouldnt find.. and knew she probably would if she cleaned the house ever and split. 
I am now married to the best guy ever, who never makes me feel unsatisfied and loves making love, and wants babies and to be a family, and wants me! 
I only hope others can have a happy ending like i did. I'm so thankful for my hubby. He's my miracle in life


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## FaithnHope41

Lovesmelovely, I am so sorry you had to go through that with your ex husband. No man should ever treat a woman that way! But on a brighter note, I am very happy to hear you are in a better marriage now with somebody that truly loves you and wants to be with you!! Good luck and I hope you get your BFP soon!! :)


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## 2have4kids

Lovesmylovely, what an awesome story. I'm so happy for you. What a courageous strong woman you are. Sometimes the grass is MUCH greener on the other side.


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## lily28

Now that I'm pregnant my DH is just relieved that I no longer bug him about sex. I think he is happy with sex 1-2 a month, I don't know what to think. He loves spending time with me, and we are always together, he is very affectionate but I guess not so much into sex as I am.... I decided to give him a break, for now!


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## 2have4kids

lily28 said:


> Now that I'm pregnant my DH is just relieved that I no longer bug him about sex. I think he is happy with sex 1-2 a month, I don't know what to think. He loves spending time with me, and we are always together, he is very affectionate but I guess not so much into sex as I am.... I decided to give him a break, for now!

I went to counseling a while back with my hubbie and this was one of my complaints. The counselor said that one person will always want more sex than the other. She required him to set up dates for us once /week. He failed miserably. Now his task was to plan this Turkey vacation we're planning and again hasn't even looked at the map. If we were millionaires and could arrive and afford to pay $500/night if we needed to I'd say fine. But since this was a task he's meant to complete for us (straight out of counseling) and he's failing at this too - he just leaves it to the last minute like our honey moon (I ended up booking everything 1 week before we left)- it's terribly disappointing. I will vow not to raise boys who have problems with women. Somehow, they will know that it's their job to keep their wife happy and tear-free. To be the protector and the romantic and know how to wash the dishes, vacuum and split the housework after he comes home from work (along side his wife). I see these issues somehow stemming back to a lack of good rearing.

Harumph. Sometimes it's too difficult. Some ladies get lucky with carnal men that lust for sex, some of us get men who would rather be reading a book. I've been terrible and called him all sorts of names...even called him gay a few times. He'll never forget but I have to live my future with his low sex drive. That's hard, I never thought my life would be with a low sex drive man. If I could I'd be getting it once/day, he's happy once/month. It will be something I tell my girls to NOT marry unless they know what he's like in bed and are compatible this way (how to do that without personalizing it is going to be difficult!) I'm not religious and would never wish for my child to save herself for after she legally binds herself to-that's part of the reason there are too many divorces. 

At least my OH good about putting out for procreation. I suppose if we went further with no children and I let everyone know that we're childless because he wouldn't get down to business, he couldn't forgive me so it's really something he's behaving well with. If I get some outside of the 3-4 day fertile zone it's rare and very gladly greeted (this was a wonderful week as I got an extra bump in) but otherwise I could just ring his neck after a romantic evening that he settles down and picks up his book. Grrrrr.


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## Pelusita

I'm in the very same situation. My husband has had a "low libido" (we'll call it that since I don't know the reason behind his lack of sex drive) from day one. We talked about it frankly before getting married and he advised he was afraid of getting me pregnant as my family is quite religious. He convinced me that things would change once we got married.

It hasn't improved at all since we have been married (two years). He wants a baby desperately and has actually teared up at times about not yet being a father. But he does.not.want.to.have.sex.with.me. He says it's not me, I'm attractive, etc. I just don't know what to do. I feel like we keep having the same conversation and nothing happens. Do I give him an ultimatum and just leave? Does "for better or worse" cover this? We have gone two or three months with nothing - a good month might be three times but that rarely happens.

I also want children badly and, as I'm 31, don't want to stay in a marriage that might not get fixed and thus ruin my chances of having a family with someone else. I just don't know what to do.


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## atalanta85

I know how you feel. It may not have been as long (only two cycles), but my OH has avoided sex during my ovulation times too. He goes on about the fact that I rarely initiate sex anymore (had chronic UTIs for 2 years and it shattered my confidence), that now when I do try to initiate, he realises I'm fertile and says no (great confidence builder *sigh*).

After i was in hysterics last week because he said no to kids while I was ovulating (which he believes i misheard), I finally got him to have a chat with me about it. Basically he doesn't want to know anything about my cycles. Apparently me telling him when I'm fertile, it sends off big warning lights in his head and turns him off.

So, his conclusion is that we just have regular sex and if it happens to fall on a fertile day, then it happens. He doesn't want to know anything about conception until I'm actually pregnant. Really thought he'd want to be more a part of the process, but he doesn't. 

I'm still going to chart BBT and CM to try to sway things my way, but its going to be hard to do this 'sneakily' without feeling bad about it (even though I got his permission to). Fun times :shrug:


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## pixielmh

To be honest i don't blame a guy for not wanting to know the ins and outs of our cycles its not a very big turn on it makes them ferl we after sex for 1 reasonly only and not because we love them and want to be intamate with them it seems to them more like a job than a luxury... i dnt tell hubby we just bed naturaly every other day..


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## 2have4kids

Pelusita said:


> I'm in the very same situation. My husband has had a "low libido" (we'll call it that since I don't know the reason behind his lack of sex drive) from day one. We talked about it frankly before getting married and he advised he was afraid of getting me pregnant as my family is quite religious. He convinced me that things would change once we got married.
> 
> It hasn't improved at all since we have been married (two years). He wants a baby desperately and has actually teared up at times about not yet being a father. But he does.not.want.to.have.sex.with.me. He says it's not me, I'm attractive, etc. I just don't know what to do. I feel like we keep having the same conversation and nothing happens. Do I give him an ultimatum and just leave? Does "for better or worse" cover this? We have gone two or three months with nothing - a good month might be three times but that rarely happens.
> 
> I also want children badly and, as I'm 31, don't want to stay in a marriage that might not get fixed and thus ruin my chances of having a family with someone else. I just don't know what to do.

Hi ladies, I'm so sorry you're all going through this. Pelusita, has he admitted that he has an aversion to sex? Is he open to counselling? Getting a third party to ask hard questions will open his ears to what this means to you. If you feel it's a deal breaker, a counselor can give him some guidance to work on this problem. It's SO different hearing feedback from a counselor vs wife. My OH and I went to counseling and she said that one party will always want sex more than the other. She got us to agree on a happy medium, a number in between both of our ideals. Then my job was to track it on a calendar. When we didn't hit the numbers it was up to both of us to initiate. If he said no it was up to him to ask me twice in the next week. It was all about accountability.

Also, if there are learned hang ups due to his family/religious life (before you) you are more likely to find out with a third party. You don't want to grow to be 50 and regret that you're best years were wasted with someone who didn't make you feel beautiful. It will change who you are as a person.


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## Melanieanne77

I havent read the whole thread, but do these OH who dont want sex take blood pressure tablets?

I was with a man for 2 years in a practically sex-less relationship because he just wasnt interested...the reason he wasnt interested was because he was on blood pressure tablets that stopped him from staying hard...it also meant that it killed any inkling of him being aroused...I googled it - showed him evidence of it but to no avail.

It was very difficult trying to address this as he didnt know what he was missing. Id try and explain to him that he was missing out on a fantastic sex life - but if you dont know, you dont care.

It was a major reason for us breaking up.


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## Jules16

pcsoph2890 said:


> God this is so my story too. Months ago i told husband that i was in the fertile period, and he replied that after i told him that it was the last thing he wanted to do to be told that he had to dtd. So now i don't bother, but during the time we just don't have enough sex to conceive, i would like to be at it like rabbits throughout the whole period, but he is tired, aching (from all his sports training), late off work (or i am) so we never do it. Sometimes he just turns over and falls asleep, and i have cried myself to sleep on occasions. Makes me feel unwanted and unattractive thinking he should be wanting to pounce on me too. I have tried on occasions too to instigate things and he (sorry TMI) looses his erection, so i just stop and he's asleep in a couple of minutes - just feel at times it is me that is putting all the effort into TTC, by buying OPK's, checking CM etc and think what is the point?
> I'm hoping that by the middle of June it'll all change as he is training for a competition and he'll be able to relax more and dtd more without being too knackered.
> It's been 11 months TTC and as the lady said above i feel a bit stupid going to the doctors as i'm sure when they look at the chart they'll say we just aren't having enough sex.
> But i know he wants children as each time i get my AF he is so disapointed and asks when we'll get pregnant - if he asks this month (as only dtd 1 day in fertile period - the day before 0 - so quite sure AF will be visiting again) i'll be straight with him that we don't have enough sex and be very blunt with him about the fertile period and we just aren't hitting it!
> 
> If in June we give it a good go and nothing happens then i'll go back to the doctors and see whether there is something wrong with us - i'm panicking as i'm 37, husband is 32, so he just undertstand that if there is something wrong then we have a short period of time to get it sorted!
> 
> Onwards and upwards i suppose!

Congratulations on your success! I’m 35 dh 34 and we’ve been trying for a year and a half. Good to see there is still hope!


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## OnErth&InHvn

For months, dh stops right at O. He is good until O, then putters out. Last night he couldnt get it up and I lost it on him. 

Dang it, I just want a baby and some cum.


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