# Question to ladies who decided against d&c



## ElaineG

2 days ago my doc said the baby stopped growing at 8w5d. Today I would be 10w6d. How long after the baby stopped growing did you experience your natural miscarriage?

I've opted out of the D&C and going back to doc on the 19th
I have had no MC symptoms and still have all my preg symptoms

Maybe I'm in denial who knows, but if I really am MC'ing why hasn't it happened yet?


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## Andypanda6570

I am sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice. I lost my Ava 5 weeks ago at 18 weeks and I was supposed to a D and E, which is horrible, but the baby came out on her own in my bathroom :cry: I pushed the Placenta out in the ambulance and I bled for 2 weeks and now i am still waiting for my period. I should be getting it soon as next Thursday is 6 weeks and I do feel it coming.
Sorry i have no advice, I never experienced a miscarriage. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Kittique

Hi I am so sorry for your loss.

I was 11wk 4 days when I miscarried naturally i was told that the pregnancy did not go past 7weeks so it took a long time.

the m/c was not straight forward but i am glad i had a natural mc :(

sorry xx


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## ElaineG

Thanks ladies...I just hate this limbo stuff and thinking "what if they are wrong" but I guess all we really can do in the end is wait it out. I'm trying to remind myself that 30 years ago they didn't do ultrasounds and women would have carried on in my situation never knowing anything was wrong


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## Gilette

I was 10 weeks pregnant and found out my baby stopped growing at 7.5 weeks. I miscarried at home. It was painful but I am glad I didn't go for the D and C. I am so sorry for you loss :(


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## MRS_HJO

Hey,

I opted to miscarry naturally. I did not want a D&C. It sucked because it was a waiting game for the bleeding to start, and once it did (and I don't want to scare you, just prepare you), it was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I have a strong pain tolerance, but this was awful, especially when I passed the baby/sac. I have heard with a D&C, the pain is not nearly as bad because it is taken out instead of you passing it, but the surgery scared me, and I felt nature would run it's course. My doctor agreed luckily. The only major advice I would give you is make sure your doctor gives you some antibiotics to prevent infection, and also... He gave me another medication that contracted my uterus to make sure I passed everything. ALSO - Pain Killers. Lots of them. Motrin 800. Worked wonders. 

I'm so very sorry you have to go through this, but you are not alone. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to message me anytime. Good luck, and again, I'm so sorry.

Heather


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## ElaineG

The emotional limbo pain seems to be so much worse at night.. I honestly just have lost hope of ever finding resolve once the physical pain comes and goes..

I'm in denial one minute and acceptance the next and angry after that and just plain hopeless and shattered through it all. I think I may need to see about anti-depressants after this is all over.

I was the one who "could never get pregnant again" and for it to happen and then be taken away just reminds me of my MC when I was 23.. I'm 37 now and it took 14 years to get here only to lose it all again. I am not getting any younger and have no OH, so I think this will be my last attempt for a child..

I feel guilty when I eat, because I feel like why should I eat if my baby is dead and I feel guilty about smiling or even doing my college class work or even anything but crying over my loss that hasn't happened yet.

I look into my future and the path ahead and all I see is black in front of me, a big gaping hole of nothingness, no purpose, no reason, nothing.

My eyes have been swollen for two days since I was told I was having a MMC. I'm just so sick about it all


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## MRS_HJO

ElaineG-

These are all normal feelings to be having. And remember, you have ALOT of hormones going crazy in your system right now, which is also causing the depression. Your body is going through so much, so please try to go easy on yourself.

I went through all the same emotions before I started bleeding... I had *thought* I already accepted the baby was gone, but nothing prepared me for how it actually felt to be losing the baby. I felt like a failure (still do) and I was angry that other women in my life had perfect pregnancies and had no idea how it felt to lose their baby. I hated how no one seemed to understand, but the thing is, only those of us who have gone through this horrid thing understand... You can't expect anyone who hasn't gone through it to understand the pain you are feeling.

Please try to just be easy on yourself for the time being. It's nothing you did. You didn't cause this and you did nothing wrong. Just try and get a lot of rest if you can.

Hugs, Heather


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## Rachb1987

im so sorry for your loss :( i know what a terrible time this is, and your hormones are bound to be all over the place.

I personally chose to have a D&C but ended up miscarrying naturally before theatre whilst in the hospital, in a urine sample tray of all things. In hindsight i wish i would of still demanded the D&C for everything that was still left in there because i think miscarrying naturally definetly took its toll on me emotionally. it was a long drawn out process. i miscarried at 10 weeks, but was only measuring 6. the wait from when i first started bleeding on the 7th january until i actually miscarried on the 31st january was a long struggle. i also wish i would have had a D&C as 10 weeks on im still waiting for my period. 

the option of having a d&c, or opting for a national miscarriage is purely a personal one, and everyone has there own reasons for choosing what they do. Just do whatever feels right for u. and the ladies on here are very supportive and i am sure will be able to answer any questions u have about anything. and also are here just to listen if u need to just let it all out. i know i found it very helpful, the support network on here is amazing. xxxxx


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## 20102001

I decided against d&c but took tablets to bring on 'labour' I was only measuring 7 weeks but felt I owed it to the baby not to have a d&c.

I also went through the what if they're wrong/it's too early etc. but asked for a second scan and there was no growth and still no hb.

:flower:


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## sbmello

I'm going through this now as well...Found out on 4/4 that I am having a mmc. I was 7wks3d. This is my 6th loss but my others were around 4-6 weeks and were all natural losses. This waiting around for things to start is pure torture. I asked not to have a d&c but now am thinking that it might be better to just do it. I am suffering more with this one because it DOES mess with you...I still have my preg symps and there's that little evil voice inside of me saying that maybe they were wrong...I will probably call on Monday to schedule. I did not want to do the procedure, I really didn't...but I think that emotionally, I cannot handle the wait, esp if it's going to be weeks...

I'm so sorry you are going through this too.


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## ElaineG

I'm so sorry you are going thru this as well.. I cannot imagine the pain of 6 losses and now another. I have that evil voice too, wondering what if they are wrong, what if it's all just a nightmare, what if.... 

I had a MC back in 96 and I had a d&c when the placenta failed to expel, it wasn't as painful emotionally as this one is, don't know why because it happened at 10 weeks, I just kinda went wild after that one, shutting out the memories and bottling it up and moving on, but this one strikes me so hard


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## Lilla

Hi ladies,
I am now in the same situation and I am waiting to miscarry naturally. I have a blighted ovum and that could lead to WEEKS of waiting. I occasionally have pregnancy symptoms and me too, I hope they are wrong and the baby exists.

As for your question: last year I had a mmc. The baby stopped growing and at 9 weeks the hearthbeat wasn't there anymore. After a few days I started spotting but I had already scheduled my D&C and at the hospital they said it could take weeks and it was better to do the D&C. Since it was in July I decided to do the D&C. I didn't want to wait weeks since I was supposed to go on vacation in August (already postponed) and I felt I really needed to do that, for my mind. 

This time is different: no vacations planned. I have my anniversary, but this will be a sad one instead of a happy one. I will wait at home.

My gyn gave me strong pain killers but he did not mention antibiotics. I am scared of the pain and the blood but I want to live this experience, I don't know if you can understand me.
Let's hope everything goes well :-(

Hugs to everybody.


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## Neversaynever

I'm so sorry :hugs: and thoughts sent to you. 

I ended up having both a natural miscarriage and ERPC in February and for everyone it's a personal decision as to which way to go. I originally chose ERPC as I could not face walking around knowing and just waiting for everything to pass (they said it could be anytime up to five weeks) and to try and get some control over the situation. My problem was I have a phobia of surgery so they could put me first on the list but not until the Monday (I found out on a Thursday)
I returned home and OH had the awful job of telling our parents and family whilst I lay in bed numb. 

I began having the pains on the Saturday evening before bed and was contracting for four hours passing tissue, clots and blood. It was heartbreaking, painful and lonely. 

I thought it would all be over but as I was still bleeding heavily on the Monday, I still had to have the ERPC. 

If I were to ever be in this horrific situation again, I'm taking the ERPC option asap and will just have to cope with the surgery fear. 

Lots of ladies have been through this on here and we are all here to support each other. 

Be kind to yourself :hugs:

XxX


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## Lilla

Neversaynever said:


> I'm so sorry :hugs: and thoughts sent to you.
> 
> I ended up having both a natural miscarriage and ERPC in February and for everyone it's a personal decision as to which way to go. I originally chose ERPC as I could not face walking around knowing my baby was sleeping, waiting for the baby to pass (they said it could be anytime up to five weeks) and to try and get some control over the situation. My problem was I have a phobia of surgery so they could put me first on the list but not until the Monday (I found out on a Thursday)
> I returned home and OH had the awful job of telling our parents and family whilst I lay in bed numb.
> 
> I began having the pains on the Saturday evening before bed and was contracting for four hours passing tissue, clots and blood. It was heartbreaking, painful and lonely.
> 
> I thought it would all be over but as I was still bleeding heavily on the Monday, I still had to have the ERPC.
> 
> If I were to ever be in this horrific situation again, I'm taking the ERPC option asap and will just have to cope with the surgery fear.
> 
> Lots of ladies have been through this on here and we are all here to support each other.
> 
> Be kind to yourself :hugs:
> 
> XxX

Hello,
I have already had a D&C last year and so I decided to wait this time. Also, I have a blighted ovum so no embryo at all.
I know it could be painful but I have pain killers. Did you use them or not?
Thanks


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## BeautifulD

Hi ladies, 
First of all I want to give you all big big :hugs: I am so sorry for your losses :hugs: 
Personally I have had two natural MC and all I can say from my experiance is that I wish with every ounce of my broken heart that I had had the option for a D&C I found the whole process just horrendous, I knew with every pain, clot, gush of blood what was happening and emotionally it was almost too much to bare, especially the second time round. I'm not saying D&C is easier by any means.... Its such a personal choice but it I had one I would have opted for the D&C.... Lets hope none of us ever have to make the choice again! 
Big hugs to you all :hugs:


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## Garnet

I had a natural miscarriage in the bathroom. It kinda felt like pushing pains and labor then the next thing you know I lost everything in the toilet. Sorry to be so graphic but I was bleeding very heavy that morning...


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## ElaineG

Not graphic hon, its simply what happened and sometimes by reading others stories we can be better prepared.

I still have no MC symptoms and all my preg symptoms remain except my oily skin but this emotional limbo is one of the hardest things I've ever faced.

I go back to my Doc on the 19th and I have decided after another scan is done if there is no change I am going to book the D&C at which time maybe they will also cut out that grapefruit sized fibroid in my uterus.

It's harder now since I have begun to see tiny droplets of fluid from my breasts from time to time and my tummy has begun to "round" even though I have lost weight

Thank you all for your support and I pray we all make a healthy recovery


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## Neversaynever

Lilla said:


> Neversaynever said:
> 
> 
> I'm so sorry :hugs: and thoughts sent to you.
> 
> I ended up having both a natural miscarriage and ERPC in February and for everyone it's a personal decision as to which way to go. I originally chose ERPC as I could not face walking around knowing my baby was sleeping, waiting for the baby to pass (they said it could be anytime up to five weeks) and to try and get some control over the situation. My problem was I have a phobia of surgery so they could put me first on the list but not until the Monday (I found out on a Thursday)
> I returned home and OH had the awful job of telling our parents and family whilst I lay in bed numb.
> 
> I began having the pains on the Saturday evening before bed and was contracting for four hours passing tissue, clots and blood. It was heartbreaking, painful and lonely.
> 
> I thought it would all be over but as I was still bleeding heavily on the Monday, I still had to have the ERPC.
> 
> If I were to ever be in this horrific situation again, I'm taking the ERPC option asap and will just have to cope with the surgery fear.
> 
> Lots of ladies have been through this on here and we are all here to support each other.
> 
> Be kind to yourself :hugs:
> 
> XxX
> 
> Hello,
> I have already had a D&C last year and so I decided to wait this time. Also, I have a blighted ovum so no embryo at all.
> I know it could be painful but I have pain killers. Did you use them or not?
> ThanksClick to expand...

So sorry I haven't replied sooner, have been in a bit of an emotional hole this last week. 

I had painkillers at the ready in case I needed them (think they were diclofenic??) but was scared to take them in case it didn't help and the pain got worse if that makes sense?

So no, I didn't use them and looking back, I'm glad I didn't, it was almost like I needed to feel the physical pain to match the emotional pain. 

Everyone is different, I am a complete wuss but it was bearable and I breathed through it with my eyes closed. 

Big hugs and thinking of you. 

Elaine, I think you're making the right decision as you're choosing that option. It's never easy whichever way you look at it. Deep thoughts and :hugs:

XxX


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## Lilla

Thanks for sharing your experience, ladies.
I am still waiting for something to happen. My symptoms have gone and only occasionally I have sore breasts.
Yesterday I started noticing brownish mucus only when I go to the toilet. So maybe the process is starting?
I have to call my gyn this week in order to have a u/s and see what's going on.

Elaine: I also think you are making the right decision. I have a blighted ovum, but if your embryo is more than 8 weeks big it's going to be painful, maybe.

My mother also had a miscarriage back in 1970. The baby had stopped growing at 5 weeks but she lost it naturally at 12/13 weeks. No u/s back then! She told me that she didn't feel much pain.
After the miscarriage, though, they performed a d&c since without u/s they wanted to be sure everything was out.
Hugs!


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## KateC

Hi hon.

Just wanted to pipe in. I got a D&C in the end, but I didn't want it. I found out about the same time as you did that my pregnancy wasn't viable. I waited 4 weeks or so, and the waiting almost killed me (emotionally -- so depressed I could barely get out of bed), so I got the D&C in the end. It was MUCH easier than the waiting, for me. But do what's right for you. I can hear that you're struggling the same way I was.

A friend of mine waited it out, and it took her months. She reabsorbed and never had her heavy bleeding. She just got her period back the other day, probably 3-4 mo after diagnosed miscarriage. 

Whatever you do, choose what will help you heal. I'm sorry it's so hard and so tragic right now. Just take it a day at a time and try not to look at the big picture all at once. You can make decisions about your family planning (trying again, fertility treatment, adoption, etc.) later when you feel up to it. For now, just work on healing. 

Love and strength.


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## sbmello

Well, I'm still in limbo. I go back for an ultrasound this Friday (4/15)...I cancelled the d&c. I prayed about it and talked with my husband and I am doing ok. I'm going to wait it out as long as I can, unless an infection or something which I hope doesn't happen. I haven't started to bleed yet, still normal cervical discharge, still having some nausea, and a few other symps. Not holding onto hope but I'm praying that this Friday's u/s will bring some peace.


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## Mallow9

I was just reading all the stories and my heart goes out to all of you. :hugs:

I didn't have a choice since my MC just started on Sunday without any notice. This was my first MC so i had no idea what the hell was going on and what was 'normal' or not. After about 4 hours I had such heavy bleeding and contractions I think the not knowing what was going to happen was the scariest thing of all. I started to hemorrhage and my hemoglobin was low so I had to go on pills yesterday to reduce the blood. The baby has already passed and so i still have to flush out the tissues. After going through all of this I might have to go through a D&C because not all the tissues will come out and could cause infection. 

Like I said before I didnt have the choice, but if I had to wait it out for days or weeks before it would even start I think it would drive me crazy and into a deep depression (that is just me though

Listen to your gut and follow it. If you want to have a natural MC then be prepared for not just the physical pain but the long emoitional pain that will come with it because i am in the middle of it and wished i knew when it will be over. Support system will get you through either way :hugs:


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## ElaineG

No more waiting for me...

Sadly that inner voice "Could the doc be wrong" was not the case..The doc was right

At 4 am this morning my MC began.

It was excruciating pain, cramps that hit so hard they left me breathless and dry heaving as I lay in my bed.

Finally at 3pm after 11 hours of intense pain I had my mom take me to my Doctor

He pulled a piece of tissue from my cervix and contained it for testing and sent me straight away to the OR. They prepared me for surgery and I woke at 7pm no more pain.

I don't regret trying to do it naturally but it was too much for my body to handle.

Now the emotional healing can begin


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## pooh_bear

My heart goes out to you Elaine. Thinking of you and sending lots of love and healing energy your way. x


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## Rachb1987

im so sorry elaine :( xxxx


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## Alpinestars

So sorry Elaine x I suffered a MC 11 days ago, I was 9wks and the baby had stopped growing at 8wks It happened naturally and was extremely scary, heartbreaking experience, but all I can say is now that my bleeding has stopped, I feel that I can emotionally begin to deal with the loss

I'm so sorry for all the ladies on this board - so, so sad
X X X


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## Mallow9

ElaineG said:


> No more waiting for me...
> 
> Sadly that inner voice "Could the doc be wrong" was not the case..The doc was right
> 
> At 4 am this morning my MC began.
> 
> It was excruciating pain, cramps that hit so hard they left me breathless and dry heaving as I lay in my bed.
> 
> Finally at 3pm after 11 hours of intense pain I had my mom take me to my Doctor
> 
> He pulled a piece of tissue from my cervix and contained it for testing and sent me straight away to the OR. They prepared me for surgery and I woke at 7pm no more pain.
> 
> I don't regret trying to do it naturally but it was too much for my body to handle.
> 
> Now the emotional healing can begin

I am so sorry to hear this! I am happy now that you are not in anymore physical pain and can start healing emotionally and try again :hugs:


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## sbmello

I'm so sorry Elaine...

I am still waiting. Had an u/s on 4/15 and 4/18 and neither detected a heartbeat. I guess I have my confirmation. I was diagnosed with a mmc on 4/4 at 7 weeks. My other 5 losses happened naturally and quickly. I am going on almost 3 weeks of waiting. I do feel less pregnant today but still no bleeding or cramping. I fear the cramping but don't want a d&c but it looks as if I might not have a choice if my body doesn't soon respond.


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## dizzi141

I had my first scan on Monday 18/4. 

They basically said I've had a MC but I hadn't had any pain or bleeding. That puzzled them a bit, apparently they've never seen a scan like mine before. From what I've read on the net though it sounds like I had a blighted ovum.

I couldn't cope with the potential of weeks waiting and wondering to pass naturally. So I elected for the D&C. They decided they were unhappy with my scan so I'm booked to go back on Wednesday coming to re-scan.

You try not to get your hopes up, whilst praying that they got it wrong. Last night I started bleeding and it's fairly heavy. I'm just praying it goes quickly and we can move on. At least my pregnancy symptoms are dropping off now.

Feels like a piece of me has been ripped out, it was our first baby and took us 8 months before we managed conceive so to lose it was devastating. I get angry at those who have babies and don't want them, or won't give up drinking/smoking :(


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## firsttimer1

Hi all,

Firstly, many hugs to you all xxxx

I found out last week that my baby stopped growing... thinks been 2 or 3 weeks since it stopped.

I chose to wait for it to happen naturally BUT i matty in six weeks and am petrified it wont have happened. For that reason - and to ease my emotinal state - i am telling the doc tomorrow that i want a D&C. but i have a couple of Q's if anyone can help??

How long did you wait for the D&C after saying you want one booked?

Soemone said if you have a D&C and get preg again, then you will need your ''cervix stitched at 12 weeks''??? - this sounds scary??

xxx


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## pinkflamingo

hey hun,
I am sorry for your loss. I waited over 8 weeks for nature to take control, and then i bled for a further 4 weeks so ended up having to have an ERPC anyway. When I passed baby I had no pain at all. Even though I had reached a point where I was considering medical intervention I am SO happy that it happened naturally. It gave me time to deal with the emotional side of our loss before the physical happened. And when I did have to have the ERPC I knew that it wasn't to remove my baby, as they had already gone.

It's all very personal but this was the right thing for me.

I wish you the very best for the future hun xx


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## pinkflamingo

Having a D & C does not go hand in hand with needing stitches during pregnancy. It can be a cause of an incompetent cervix during pregnancy, which just means that your cervix is weaker than it should be, and as baby grows and put weight on it, it can open before it should. About 1 in 100 pregnancies will fit into this scenario.

Found this on the internet to give you some info -

What causes an incompetent or weakened cervix? 
A weakened cervix can be caused by one or more of the following conditions:

Previous surgery on the cervix 
Damage during a difficult birth 
Malformed cervix or uterus from a birth defect 
Previous trauma to the cervix, such as a D&C (dilation and curettage) from a termination or a miscarriage 
DES (Diethylstilbestrol) exposure 


What is the treatment for a weakened cervix?
The treatment for an incompetent or weakened cervix is a procedure that sews the cervix closed to reinforce the weak cervix. This procedure is called a cerclage and is usually performed between week 14-16 of pregnancy. These sutures will be removed between 36-38 weeks to prevent any problems when you go into labor. Removal of the cerclage does not result in spontaneous delivery of the baby.


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## MRS_HJO

Elaine G: I'm so very sorry for your loss and I'm so sorry that you went through the same exact pain I did. Back when I posted (soon after you originally posted this), I didn't want to get graphic and tell you exactly what had happened to me... I just wanted to tell you that the pain was UNBEARABLE and that you WILL need pain killers... But honestly, the same thing happened to you as it did to me... I was in the most pain I've ever felt before in my life, contractions, and pressure, and sick to my stomach, and it got worse every couple mins (much like contractions), would sit on the toilet and tissue was coming out... The pain was so bad, my husband had to physically carry me into the doctor's office, where I passed the baby on the doctor's table... He pulled it out right in front of my poor husband... My husband is a police officer, so he sees a lot of awful things, but he turned completely white. And then I wish I could say the pain stopped, but there was still more tissue in there that had to come out... All I can say is forgive me for not sharing the experience with you at the time... I honestly didn't want to upset you. I'm so so so sorry that you had to go through this. And you're right.. It's just way too much for our bodies to handle. My prayers are with you during this difficult time.


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## Babypower

im also in limbo. i have been told the babies heartbeat has stopped, got to wait till nxt friday to get another scan. im torn between d&c and a tablet because its not happening by itself. any advice?


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## MRS_HJO

Hi Babypowder, I think it's a choice only you can make along with your doctor. I had already started to bleed, so my doctor wanted me to do it all naturally... It really depends on what you and him feel is best for you. I'm very sorry about what you are going through. I hope you find all the strength you need.


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