# Jessica Charlotte Reay 3/10/08



## oxSarahxo

*Saturday 20th September  *
We went to hospital to get checked out as we werent sure if my waters were trickling or not. While I was there I had an internal to check, waters were fine and the check showed my cervix was very posterior, very thick and very closed. Thus meaning it wasnt even trying to get ready for labour.

*Thursday 2nd October  *
Wed went into hospital very very early in the morning because Id been having pains, and as they do, they hook you up to a machine, checking babys heart rate, checking for contractions and your blood pressure. They gave me an internal to check the state of the cervix again, immediately I lost my mucus plug and then started bleeding, which we had assumed were my colours going. This bleeding continued from the time we got home which was 6am, until I went to hospital the next day.

Evening/Night Time came and I had been in total agony for 7 days by this time, and had already been to hospital in the morning, so I rang the hospital again, complaining of agony, they said because I was low risk pregnancy just to stay at home and not go in. The pain I was in was unbearable but I stayed at home. I had explained that my colours etc had gone after the internal.

*Friday 3rd October  *
Rang hospital on the night complaining of agony, which had only gotten worse, told them out right I was not coping and went in to get checked out. They said just to bring my hand held notes, so we did.

They took me in and hooked me up to the machine as usual, to measure contractions and baby's heart rate and left the room. I was writhing around on the bed, completely out of it with pain, Matt was trying to help keep me calm with breathing techniques that the Midwives were telling him to use, telling him to stand to the side of me and rub my shoulders to try and get me to relax them. The pain, Ill never forget, Ive never felt pain like it, I knew something was wrong because wed already found out my cervix wasnt playing ball so to speak. 

We had our doubts about this being labour, as a week prior Id had an internal exam, which showed my cervix was shut. 

Id been hooked up to the machine for just a few mins when Jessicas heart stopped, but with no staff there to witness. This is where things sped up, everything went into fast forward. 

Matt shot outside to find someone to tell them the machine was beeping like mad.

The Midwife came running in, called in the Surgeon, he looked at the chart, saw it and immediately Jessicas heart rate went off the chart again, within a second he said "we need this baby out now, emergency cat 1 c-section"... I was prepped and in theatre in mins. It literally only took a matter of mins from the Surgeon saying C-Section to me being in there having one. Matt ran out of the room to ring my Dad  who he couldnt get hold of. In the short time Matt was outside on the phone I had from what I remember, about 5 members of staff around me in the bed, I was having things put in the back of my hand, signing forms to say it was alright to knock me out, as with Cat 1 Sections you have to be unconscious, and because Jessica had no heartbeat, this was necessary. I had the anaesthetist on the left hand side of me explaining what would happen to me whilst other people were stripping my clothes off and pulling a robe thing round me. I had someone between my legs putting a catheter in. You understand this all happened in mins. I was walked down to theatre carrying my catheter, shaking like a leaf, a total wreck having still not seen Matthew as he was still on the phone  again, that shows how fast this happened. 

So I was in theatre, sat on the bed having everything explained to me while the staff were preparing everything they needed.

I was still on the monitor and Jessicas heart rate slowly started creeping back up, very slowly mind. But this meant I no longer had to be unconscious, I was allowed to be awake.

I was given the epidural into my spine.

I was pretty out of it so just lying there looking around as I couldnt see what was going on with being covered by a sheet thing up to my chin, I kept asking where Matthew was, if he was coming and just generally wanting him by my side. They said he was busy getting changed and would be in very soon. I looked above my head at people standing in scrubs and genuinely didnt recognise Matthew standing there all in green. He sat down next to me stroking my hair asking if I was ok and telling me he loved me. I felt a lot more calm with him there for some reason, just with his hand on my head and feeling his touch, I felt secure.

He never looked over the sheet during the section, as he was pale as it is, he was terrified himself. The first time they mentioned the section he was a total wreck, totally nervous, panicking and everything.

Baby was delivered at 23.38 on Friday October 3rd, she had to be resuscitated immediately as her heart had already stopped when she was in my tummy, we had already lost her when that happened.

No one said a word as Jessica was delivered because of this, however they managed to resuscitate her and we heard her make a noise, 4 times. I dont think well ever forget hearing her little voice. As soon as this happened the Surgeon leaned over and said Congratulations, we looked at each other and smiled and said we loved each other. I said youre a Dad and Matthew was just staring into my eyes smiling back, still stroking my head.

She was a very poorly little girl, had the cord round her neck and had opened her bowels a few days PRIOR to us going to hospital, this was the reason for the total agony I was in, not labour. There was very very little fluid, it was mostly meconium.

Shortly after she made the noise the Midwife came dashing over saying Ill show you baby quickly and flashed her face at us then ran off with her, taking her up to Special Care upstairs.

After Id been treat for infection and had the meconium cleaned out of me and was stitched back up, we were taken back down to the room we were initially in and we were told youll be able to see baby within the next hour Great we thought, fantastic, we couldnt wait. Matt was talking about his shift at work on the Saturday and getting it covered and time off. We were discussing the visiting times so he could come back in the morning and see his little family, we were so happy. He was even saying how he could go to the pub on the Sunday night with his mates for a drink to celebrate. Everything was perfect, we had our little girl. We now understood WHY people would go back and have more than one child, its for that instant when theyre born and you just hear them, that instant feeling of endless love that comes from nowhere on earth. The 9 months of hell was instantly forgotten, it didnt matter, it wasnt a factor, Id do it for twice as long just to have that feeling again. (Not that we would dream of even trying to replace Jessica  cant be done).

The hour passed, we were told maybe another 20mins. 

The 20mins passed, then 2 hours passed. Time kept passing and we realised something wasnt right.

It got to about 04:00 and the consultant (paediatrician) came down to see us with staff from Special Care, where he went on to say she is a very poorly little girl, we are doing everything we can for her  My heart had just been sliced in two with an axe. We have the top doctors from the RVI here trying to save her, theyre working on her round the clock, we have to transfer baby to the RVI for the treatment she needs. He went on to explain they had an ambulance ready for Jessica, and all they needed to do was stabilize her so they could get her into the incubator and across to Newcastle RVI. South Shields didnt have the equipment for a baby this ill. Theyd said I wouldnt see Jessica for a few days while she was in Newcastle, which was terrifying, I just wanted to be next to my baby and to be able to cuddle her and make everything better, but with all the love in the world I was still totally useless. 

My Midwife saw how I upset I was and she came back in once the Doctor had left saying shed been on to the RVI and would I want a place on a Post Natal ward there so I could be around Jessica, obviously I replied saying I wanted to be close to her if possible And so it was arranged, as soon as Jessica was stable, shed be taken to the RVI and I would follow over a few hours later. The Midwife left the room.

About 06:40 came and the Midwife came back in saying we could go up and see Jessica soon but to understand she was on a lot of machines, with a lot of wires and lots of people around her. We just wanted to see our little girl. 

The pain I was in after the C-Section wasnt even bothering me, I clambered out of bed and into a wheelchair, I just wanted to get to my baby so desperately. We were taken up to Special Care and as soon as we went through the doors, we saw people, everywhere, lots of doctors, nurses, midwives, consultants, all around, all working. Then we saw her, lying on her back, lifeless on a machine with all the wires, things down her nose and throat. The most perfect, innocent and gorgeous little thing wed ever seen in our lives, my heart sank and I was pouring my heart out, my poor baby girl was NOT well, and it was NOT a dream, nor was it the drugs from the section. This was very, very real now and it HURT. 
I stretched my hand out, scared to touch her, not sure if I was allowed to, and touched the back of her hand with my left index finger, she was warm, but there was no reaction. I just sat stroking the back of her hand, with Matthew standing over us, his hand on the back of my shoulder, hugging me occasionally. He was staying so strong, he hadnt cried but the hurt was in his eyes, like Id never seen before. I got a bit more brave and put the tip of my finger inside her little fist, again there was no reaction, nothing, but she was still perfect. Her skin was immaculate, she was so different to what wed expected from the scans, on scans shed shown as chubby with chubby cheeks. In front of us she was a lovely, slim, tall baby.

I was watching her heart rate on the machine and whispered to Matthew her heart rate is going down, and we watched it go down. It slowly started creeping back up, very slowly indeed. We took our eyes off the machine and back to Jessica. The lady from the RVI dashed over and put her stethoscope on the left of Jessicas chest, then moved it quickly to the right. 

The heart rate is gone! Lets get Mam out of the room, get Mam out of the room!

There was staff everywhere, I could barely see for tears and now Matthew who was being so strong had completely lost it, he was beside himself. We were rushed into another room, pouring our hearts out, he was kneeling in front of my wheelchair holding my hands, both crying so hard. I said If ever theres a time to be religious Matthew its now and I prayed and prayed and prayed, please God dont let my baby die.

The door opened I think you need to see your baby now and we were rushed back to the room. I cant find words enough to describe the feelings we had going on and the total mess we were in. 

The staff were around her all working, the lady from the RVI was trying to manually resuscitate her with her hands, rubbing her chest and saying to me This is where we have to stop Sarah, we have to stop now. NO! Dont stop! PLEASE dont stop! I was shouting, blood curdling yells of No! No! No!  Then it happened, that split second where I looked straight into the eyes of RVI lady, and she looked straight into mine, and I nodded. She lay Jessica back down, the time of death of 07:17 was announced. It was over, wed lost our little angel to a better world.

I was asked if I wanted to hold her, they took the things out of her chest and nose and passed her to me in a blanket, I was beyond help, looking at my dead little girl knowing I couldnt save her, Id never see her grow up, or hear her shout Daddy! when he came home from work one day. All the things that happen on a daily basis to others, it wasnt going to happen anymore, and it felt wrong on so many levels. 

Holding her, looking at her, I genuinely dont have words to describe this feeling. The feeling that was made worse when blood was pouring from her nose and mouth in my arms, as if knowing she wasnt alive wasnt enough, we had to see just how ill she really was. This was the blood that was in her lungs. 

We were asked if we wanted her baptised, to which we said yes Please understand, none of this was calm, or rational, this was all absolute terror, tears and crying, sobbing non stop. The type you see in movies. It actually happens in real life.

The chaplain Jennifer Lake came up to see us, and asked us her name. We looked at each other and said Jessica Charlotte Reay. We hadnt even had time to name her, when we were discussing it in the room downstairs Matt had said well weve got 6 weeks to register her name, so we dont have to rush it Well, now we did. But wed already said we didnt think she looked like a Charlotte, more a Jessica. So we knew somewhere deep down, she was Jessica Charlotte Reay, daughter of Matthew Thomas Reay and Sarah Tuck. And the best thing that had ever happened to either of us.

Jennifer baptised Jessie for us, while she was in Matts arms. I wanted him to hold her while she was baptised, the whole time we were breaking our hearts and I was just staring at the two people I loved more than life itself, seeing them both broken. Our little family that had been perfect just 7 hours earlier, smashed to pieces in an instant, irreplaceable, unable to be repaired.

They gave us time with Jessica and then took us back downstairs into a different room. Room 9 on the Delivery Suite. The lonely door that stands on its own to the left of the reception desk as you enter. 

I was put into bed there while we waited for Jessica to be brought down to us. We were told we could dress her. Matthew passed my hospital bag over with all of Jessicas clothes in, the sensible tracksuit Id packed with her supposed to be a September baby, in case it was cold outside when we took her home. So I didnt want to pack a pretty dress. I was sorting through the clothes, deciding on baby grows and crying to Matt saying Do I put a baby grow on her to keep her warm under her top?, then you think, she cant feel anything, and cry even harder. 

Our midwife for the day Keely came in, introducing herself carrying Jessica in a moses basket and placing the basket inside the crib next to me. She asked if I wanted to dress her, or if I wanted her to. We were still crying, we hadnt stopped, I asked her how to dress Jessica, what clothes to use, socks etc. She said You dress her like you would if it were any other day So I did, I picked the clothes, baby grow, socks, booties and hat and asked Keely to dress Jessica, I was scared in case I hurt her.

The whole of the Saturday was filled with tears and us tightly holding our baby girl, talking to her for hours, telling her how much we loved and missed her and how beautiful she was. Promising to get married, so Mammy could have the same name as her daughter. Daddy telling her that Jessica will always be number one. We had lots of visitors, family coming to see us, every last person in tears, absolutely beside themselves. 

Saturday was a very long day.

Friday was the best day in our lives, the day our daughter was born, Saturday was the worst day in our lives, there can be nothing worse than that to come.
*
Sunday 5th October -*

We had a lovely day with Jessica, we got up at 7am, and they brought Jessica to us. We had to send her to the mortuary on a night as she had to be kept cold to stop her from deteriorating. This was hard for us, the thought of our little girl, so cold, so lonely in a bloody freezer without even a teddy bear for company. But, we had to do it.

Sunday we spent acting like a proper family, just as if our baby girl was sleeping, we sat and ate with her next to us in her crib. I had to get up and about that day to try and get myself better, so I had to go in the bath, where Matt ran the bath for me and I asked if he was gonna keep me company and he said "I'm gonna keep an eye on the bairn". We picked her up, had lots of hugs. We just wanted ONE day where we could TRY and be a proper family, and have some happy photos of us and our little girl. It wasn't all sad, we love her very much and we LOVE the fact that we have a daughter together and she's so perfect. 

Just because she doesn't play in the same playground as other peoples children, it doesn't make us any less "Parents" than anyone else. We *have* a daughter, she's just asleep.

I can't describe the Sunday very well, because its something you won't understand unless you've lost a child and done it. It was such a lovely day, we just enjoyed our time with Jessica. Genuinely enjoyed it. 

Ok, we didn't feed her, change her nappy, hear her cry. But we cuddled her, kissed her lots, snuggled up together as a family on the sofa, slept next to her. Tried to do the things we could STILL do with her, even though she was asleep.

We played music to her and cried so hard.

We played :

Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven *(CLICK)*
Sarah Brightman - Time To Say Goodbye* (CLICK)*
Madonna - Dear Jessie *(CLICK FOR SONG) *

*PLEASE READ THE LYRICS FOR MADONNA DEAR JESSIE HERE - THERE IS A REASON WE PLAYED IT*

But don't get me wrong, we are in no way happy. We just knew we had *one day*, and one day only, to pretend everything was ok, so we did, we pretended and literally played happy families. As a result we have hundreds of photos of our family. Matt fell asleep next to Jessica and I just stood and recorded a 2 min video of them asleep together. So when he feels ready he can see it and say he got to fall asleep with his little girl.

We never got to see her when she was alive, we never got a photo of her before she fell asleep, we never got to see her with her eyes open, we dont know what colour eyes our daughter has and never will.


-------------------------------------------

This little angel had touched so many lives in the short time she was with us.


--------------------------------------------

There are still bits and pieces missed out of this story, there is so much to tell and not enough words to describe what happened well enough.



*Her name is Jessica Charlotte Reay. She was with us for 459 mins and this is her story.*


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## honey08

so sad :( :hugs: but u seem so strong x x

think they shud of kept u in from 2oct, but then u cant be thinking what ifs x


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## Serene123

:cry: You are so brave Sarah, and Matt too! I can't even imagine going through any of that. :hugs:


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## Someday74

Oh I am so so said for you :sad2:. Can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. You are a very strong, brave woman. I really just don't know what to say - you and Matt look after each other :cry::hugs:


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## isil

I'm so amazed at how strong you seem. :hugs: So so sorry too.


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## ~KACI~

Aww sweetheart you are so strong , i've not read it yet but just your sig,and that had me in tears, i will read in abit when i've got the full attention Jessica's story deserve's x


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## mz_jackie86

Im in tears reading your story and im so sorry you had to go through this!
I hope one day you wil have your family again you truely deserve it! xxx


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## taperjeangirl

Lots of :hugs: for you and Matt, thinking of you both xxxx


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## Alexas Mommy

:hug: i dont know how you coped with this. i lay here with my baby girl crying as i read her story. you are so strong.


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## miel

:hug:thinking of you , your husband and your little girl :hugs:


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## lauriech

Sarah and Matt,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Your little princess is gorgeous and will never be forgotten.

Be strong for each other. My thoughts are with you both.

Take time for each other :hug:


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## polo_princess

My heart breaks for you both, you are in my thoughts :hugs::hugs:


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## Suz

:hugs:


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## Chris77

I am so very sorry for your loss. :hugs: I think you are an amazazingly strong woman. I have said a little prayer for Jessica and for you and Matt so that you may get through this. My thoughts are with you both. :hug:


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## xXDonnaXx

:cry: What a story,It's brought a tear to my eye.:cry: You and Matt are so strong. I cannot imagine what you are going through. :hugs: You take care of yourself. And Matt too. Sleep tight Jessica. You're in my thoughts.xx


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## lynz

in tears reading your story. Im so sorry :hug:


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## Vickie

:hug:


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## v2007

The lump that is in my throat rite now is huge. :cry:

My daughter Taylor died in the same circumstances she got tangled in her cord and inhaled her meconium, She was sadly born asleep 3 days after this happened and i can remember it like was an hour ago.


She is beautiful, the songs are so fitting and know what you mean bout not seeing the colour of her eyes and her never saying Mummy or Daddy. 

Im sure Taylor and all the other Angels is giving her the guided tour of the clouds. 

My thoughts are with you and you are both so brave. 

Rest in Peace Jessica. 

Victoria x x x


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## ~KACI~

Well she had my full attention and her special story has made me cry like i haven't in a long time, you are so strong, both of you!! I love the music you played for her and glad you got that one day. Stay strong but remember its ok to cry wheneva you need to.
Lots of virtual hugs for you and matt x x


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## chefamy1122

My heart is breaking for you and your family.


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## pinkmummy

You are both so amazingly strong. I don't know how you have coped, you are amazing people. I couldn't help but shed a tear when I read this, it is so so sad. I'm so glad you managed to spend one day with her as a family, you will cherish that forever and Jessica Charlotte Reay will NEVER be forgotten, she was a beautiful little girl and always will be :hug:


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## maddiwatts19

Jessica's story left me in absolute tears...
you are the strongest people i have ever come across!
Jessica sounds so perfect, too perfect for this world.
she truely is in a better place now..out of pain and looking down on her brave mummy and daddy.
she's always going to be with you, giving you the strength to carry on when things get tough.
she has gone to a better place, a place where no-one and nothing can hurt her, where she is away from all the harmful things in this world...a place where her and all the other angels can play together.
the three songs you played her are beautiful, just like her. 
i hope that in time you can gain some strength and celebrate the time you had together.
your all in my thoughts and prayers.
sleep peacefully Jessica Charlotte Reay 
xx :hugs: xx


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## waiting4u

Thank you for sharing Jessica with us, you are incredibly strong, amazing women. Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time. Sending you lots of love. :hug:


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## keldac

I have walked in your shoes and trodden the long road ahead. It has been 6 years for me since I laid my daughter to rest - and I think of her every single day as you will with Jessica.
The day will come when you can think of her without utter despair and sorrow as you feel now.
May our children play together and send strength to you at this much needed time.
Although we have not 'met' online before I will be here for you if you need a shoulder.
I am also an active member of the SANDS forum where we all understand your pain and will be there for you if you want.
:hug:


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## SJK

sleep tight little angel, thinking of you both xxx


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## mrsholmes

:hugs:thoughts are with you and your husband, I am so sorry for your loss x


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## DaisyDuke

As all the other girls have said, i to am here in tears reading ur story. You have put down what happened and ur thoughts in such a lovely way, thank u for sharing it with us. I am thinking of u and ur oh and of ur little girl. :hugs:


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## Erised

I think that your little girl, while only 7 hours old, has touched more hearts than any other little one on this forum has ever done. She is, in every aspect, a truly remarkable little angel. 

I, like every one woman on here, cried while reading her story. I've seen her pictures in the other thread, she's gorgeous. I wish you and Matt all the strength in the world to get through time. She'll never be forgotten


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## vicky

Erised said:


> I think that your little girl, while only 7 hours old, has touched more hearts than any other little one on this forum has ever done. She is, in every aspect, a truly remarkable little angel.
> 
> I, like every one woman on here, cried while reading her story. I've seen her pictures in the other thread, she's gorgeous. I wish you and Matt all the strength in the world to get through time. She'll never be forgotten

erised said everything hun that i would say. I've seen pic of your little girl on the other thread she is so beautiful hun, both you and matt are so brave. so many :hug:in the world hun.


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## ALY

i cried wen i read ur story 
:hug: to u ur oh and for ur little princess 
:sleep: tight jessica x


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## Shri

Sarah, Matt, Jessica...
i found reading Jessica's birth story very moving and your love and strength equally so. 
My own firstborn died during labour and there was so much you wrote that i recognize. 
You will ALWAYS be her parents and she will ALWAYS be your beautiful little girl. Sometimes the conventional world can seem a very strange and stark place after an experience like this and I hope you will find all the support and understanding that you need as you make your way through it. Jessica will always close in your hearts and minds, and she will be treasured and thought of by many many people - all over the world. 
I'm so sorry for your sorrow - you have a gorgeous daughter.


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## bigbelly2

whilst reading your daughters story i was unable to see the monitor through tears, i cannot ever begin to understand how you feel and no words i use will make your pain any easier...

your daughter was and still is beautiful, remember her as the chubby cheeked princess in the scans and the slim faced perfect princess you held and spent a beautiful day with, your strength is truly amazing and jessica was blessed to have two such beautiful strong parents.

You will never forget her and likewise you both will always live in her heart forever...

god bless you and your family and may the angels watch over you all always...

hayley x


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## ellasmummy

:cry:

You are so strong and so brave. I cant imagine what you are going through right now but Jessicas story is very moving. You and your family are in my thoughts. :hugs:

xx


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## jonnanne3

God bless you and your family. You and Matt are very strong parents. I know your precious Jessica looks down on her mommy and daddy and she is very proud. Bless you both. :hugs:


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## reallytinyamy

I'm sorry for your loss.
Look after each other Sarah and Matt
Sleep tight Jessica
xxxx


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## lulu0504

I am truly astounded by your bravery. What amazing people you both are. Thankyou so much for sharing your story, it touched me to hear what you went through. Sleep well baby Jessie

*"She was so very, very special
And was so from the start
You held her in your arms
But mainly in your heart

And like a single drop of rain
That on still waters fall,
Her life did ripples make 
And touched the lives of all.

She's gone to play with angels
In heaven up above
So keep your special memories
And treasure. them with love

Although your darling daughter
Was with you just a while
She'll live on in your heart
With a sweet remembered smile"*


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## nikky0907

:cry:

:hugs: Rest in piece little Jessica...


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## Younglutonmum

You & Matt are undoubtably 2 of the bravest people I have come across

I truely admire you & so wish you didn't have to go through this

I read Jessicas birth story in floods of tears & can't even begin to imagine what you are going through

Thinking of you all

Sleep Tight Jessica xXx


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## JJF

Sarah I am so very sorry for your loss and can't not imagine how it must feel. I hope that the next few weeks you find some comfort and your right, Jessica will never be forgotten. You wrote her story so well. 

I'll be praying for you and Jessica-she is in heaven now.


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## x-amy-x

:cry:

Thanks for sharing your story :hugs:


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## Beltane

Thank you for sharing your story- you are so very brave. :cry:


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## Laura1984

Our thoughts, prayers and love are with you.
Sleep tight baby Jessica :hugs:
xxx


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## bex

:hugs:
You and matt are in my thoughts xx


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## danni2609

Dont really know what to say other than im So so sorry for your loss and ur in my thoughts as is jessica xx


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## Jodie__x

I'm So sorry for your loss . I lost my Little boy 3 months ago so i can relate to the pain you are going through , although it doesnt feel like it, one day things will get easier for you . As The man who did the speach at Jaydens funeral said, The pain you feel is just your Baby holding on and when the pain is starting to ease It does not mean she doesnt need you anymore It just means shes ready to let go a little more knowing that you love her. If you ever need to talk P.m me anytime .. Take care , Your a very brave woman x


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## **Claire**

Thank you for sharing your birth story with us. You are an incredibly brave woman and I cannot begin to comprehend how difficult this time must be for you and Matt. 

I know no words can ease the pain that you are both feeling, sending you both all my love, Claire

xoXox


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## x_Rainbow_x

im not gunna lie i cryed threw the whole of that. you are one strong pair. 
the biggest amount of love for you both... may your little princess R.I.P
xxxxxxxxxx


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## Mamafy

I cried from start to finish reading that and sobbed at times too, sweetheart I am thinking of you and Matt and I am so glad you got that one day to spend with Jessica:hugs: I know how special that one day was to you because I am lucky to say I had one day with my son Rory whom we lost 14 weeks into pregnancy.....you will hold Jessica in your heart forever and have an extra special angel looking down on you both every night:hugs:

xxxxxxxx


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## Blob

:hugs: :hugs:

You are one of the bravest people i know.. Thank you so much for telling us your story.


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## kaygeebee

Sarah, I'm in tears just reading your story - makes me realise just how precious life is.

I know there are no words to ease your pain right now, but you, Matt and Jessica are in my thoughts and prayers. :hug:


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## bambikate

:hug: I am so sorry for your loss Sarah and Matt, rest in peace Jessica x x


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## helen1234

im so so sorry :cry:
sweet dreams in heaven jessica
and god bless sarah, mat and your famil and friends
xxx
:hugs:


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## sam's mum

Thank you so much for sharing your story and your beautiful Jessica with us. You are so incredibly brave, and you and Matt are in my thoughts every day :hugs:

The Dear Jessie lyrics are beautiful :cry: God bless you all, and sweet dreams Jessica :hug: x


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## Tiff

You are SO strong. :hugs: I'm so sorry for your loss, but thank you for sharing your story. I know that must have been very hard. You're in my prayers. :hugs:


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## vickie83

:cry: You're amazing Sarah. Thank you for sharing your beautiful daughters story. You and Matt take good care of yourselves and each other :hugs:


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## leedsforever

Im actually crying my eyes out :cry: I cannot imagine how you are feeling hun!! You are very brave and strong to write out your birth story and Im thinking of you all lots :hugs:


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## Jem

Like I wrote in your other thread, you and Matt are brave, brave people. I sat and sobbed so much when you wrote your other thread, even my husband sat reading it stunned. I don't think he really understood what can happen sometimes and how your baby is never really safe until they're in your arms. I feel for you both that you've had to experience such heartache. Jessica will never be forgotten and she'll be waiting for you both in Heaven when the time comes for you all to be together. My love to you all xxxx


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## charlottecco2

Thank you so much for sharing that with us, it was written so beautifully, i can't imagine how you must be feeling. I am so sorry for your loss, some things in life just do not seem fair. Hugs to you and your partner at this difficult time xx


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## Tilly

Such a beautiful way to write her story. I feel so heartbroken for you, I am a mess reading that.

It's so good that you have amazing memories of her and some photos to look back on.

Im thinking of you both.:hugs:


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## glamgirl

You are a very strong woman, i`m sure jessica is happy wherever she is. Thinking of both of you xxx 

Big :hugs:


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## Jessa

I'm not sure exactly what to say. I don't think there are any words that would sound right. I cried through your entire story. Grow together as a couple. Thinking of you....


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## Dream.A.Dream

I also don't know what to say. Your story has made me cry more than i've cried in a long time. You wrote it so beautifully. You and matt are so strong. But don't forget it's okay to cry too :hugs:


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## ryder

Wow... :cry: I am sitting here crying my eyes out after reading that... 

You and Matt are so strong and brave... I can't imagine what you both have gone through. Thank you for sharing.

:hug:


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## cleckner04

Thank you for having the courage to share that story. I don't think there is a dry eye in the house after reading this. RIP beautiful baby Jessica. :cry: I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## Holldoll

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't even imagine having an experience like yours!


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## Novbaby08

:cry:its so sad, I couldn't imagine what you guys are feeling. :sad2:


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## Logiebear

Oh sweetie, I can barely see the keyboard through my tears and I just wanted to offer you my condolances and to say you are a very brave couple and I know Jessie is watching over you and smiling hun xxx :hugs:


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## clairebear

thank u for sharing jessies story. u and matt are amazingly strong people. :cry:

rest in peace with the angels little jessie x x x :cry:


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## nessajane

hunni you are so brave, both you and matt, My thoughts are with you all :hugs:
RIP Jessica xxx


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## NeyNey

Such a heartbreaking and beautiful story, it's taken me a while to get through this due to the tears...but I wanted to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts, including precious little Jessica.


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## Christine33

:hug:
i am so sorry for your loss.
Jessica is in heaven now with the angels, dancing with them until you will all be together again.

god bless you.

Christine
X


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## Uvlollypop

i dont know what to say, im sorry......


hugs


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## Frankie

xxxxx


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## AppleBlossom

I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. Your story made me cry. She is free of her pain now. Thinking of you and your OH xx


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## oOKayOo

I have just read this and i am crying my heart out for you.
I cant ever imagin what you are going through im so sorry :cry:
I dont know what to say apart from im thinking of you , your husband and your gorgeous baby girl.
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## emmajane

You sound like amazing people. I am so so sorry for what has happened to you all. I have cried all the way through your post. Take lots of care of each other. 
xxx


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## LilFlower08

_I cant imagine the unbearable pain you two must be going through! Im sending all my love as i sit here in absolute heartache for your pain and suffering but i hope everyone learns lessons from you today...

How strong and enchanting you little princess's story is and that she will never be forgotten.

Your both amazing people and i sincerely hope things get easier with time and the heartache turns those sad memories into positive nostalgia like you appear to already be doing...

Much love and support for you both..

R.I.P Lil Jessica, your in a better place now. xxxxxx_


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## luvbunsazzle

:hugs: my thoughts, prayers and love are with you all.


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## Nicnac

I'm so sorry Sarah, sending you lots of love


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## Amanda

Sarah, the way you have written Jessica's story show such strength and courage, and love for your beautiful little girl. I have tears streaming down my face.:hugs:

A close friend of mine lost her little boy Khian in a similar way in May of this year. He survived for just over 24 hours. They played Tears in Heaven at Khian's funeral, so that song already means something to me, it's got beautiful words. I'll never forget that tiny little white coffin. But his mummy got us all to light a candle for Khian and they played Everythings gonna be alright by Sweetbox as we lit them. There were lots of tears, but it made us realise that through all the heartbreak, Khian was in a better place.:hugs:

I would like to share with you the reading that Kelly's friend did:

*The world may never notice*
*If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom*
*Or even pause to wonder*
*If the petals fall too soon*

*But every life that ever forms*
*Or ever comes to be*
*Touches the world in some small way*
*For all eternity*

*The little one we longed for*
*Was swiftly here and gone*
*But the love that was then planted*
*Is a light that still shines on*

*And though our arms are empty*
*Our hearts know what to do*
*Every beating of our hearts*
*Says that we love you*

Sleep tight Jessica. If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.:hugs:


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## greenkat

I'm so sorry you got such a short time with your little girl. You are such a strong person.


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## violet 73

im so sorry to hear that this has happened your story had me in tears , :hug:, :hugs: violet xx


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## Rumpskin

I am so very sorry darling. This has bought tears to my eyes.

My thoughts are with you both at this difficult time.

xxx


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## aurora32

In tears reading your story :cry: You and Matt are so incredibly strong, you have a beautiful baby girl, who will never be forgotten by anyone who has read your story, May she rest in peace and play and be watched over in heaven with angels until you can all be together again.
Thinking of you both :hugs::hugs:

She was so very, very special
And was so from the start
You held her in your arms
But mainly in your heart


And like a single drop of rain
That on still waters fall,
Her life did ripples make 
And touched the lives of all.


She's gone to play with angels
In heaven up above
So keep your special memories
And treasure. them with love


Although your darling daughter
Was with you just a while
She'll live on in your heart
With a sweet remembered smile.
Rest in Peace baby Jessica, you have touched the hearts of many and will never be forgotten.


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## princess_bump

thinking of you all, i am so so sorry for your loss xxxx


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## izzy29

My thoughts are with you and your family during this tragic time, you truly are a very strong person to even have shared your experience with us all. I was in tears reading about Jessica.


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## leeanne

My thoughts are prayers are with you and your family. :hug:


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## MrsP

My thoughts are with you x x


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## Wobbles

Erised said:


> I think that your little girl, while only 7 hours old, has touched more hearts than any other little one on this forum has ever done. She is, in every aspect, a truly remarkable little angel.

^ That made me cry again! It's also true x


I read Jessicas story last night Sarah & I could not reply ...my heart aches for you & Matt. I can not imagine for a second how you guys are. I hope you both comfort each other and grow stronger each day.

Shes truely a beautiful little girl.

May she rest in peace ...our thoughts & love with you, Matt & family on Monday.


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## Fossey

I am so sorry for your loss hun, this story is truly heart wrenching :cry: You take care of you and your family. Massive :hug:


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## Donna79x

:cry::cry:

So so brave both of you xx :hugs::hug:

My thoughts are with you xxx


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## Mira

I am so sorry for your loss! Your story was so hard to read through all the tears.


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## Newbie77

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Matt and baby Jessica...x.x.x.


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## charveyron

:hugs: I'm so sorry for you loss, I'm glad that you had the sunday with your little girl though! xxx


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## Lilipop

I am new to the forum and your story broke my heart in two.

I never really know what to saw when I hear things like this, but yet I have to say 'something'.

I will be thinking about you, your family and little Jessica :hugs: :hugs:


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## SuzyQ

:cry::cry:There are no words...
:hug:Thinking of you and your family-god bless-sleep tight little angel. x


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## doctordeesmrs

:hugs: You both are so strong. You and your family have been in my thoughts and will continue to be.

Sleep tight little angel.


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## Kooky

I am so so sorry for your loss, you are both so brave. God bless your little girl xx


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## Mummy2Many

:cry: you are so brave. thank you so much for sharing your story with us :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## redberry3

:hug:


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## AnnaBanana9

My heart goes out to the three of you... you and Matt are so strong, and your wonderful, wonderful Jessica sleeping so peacefully.

Thank you for sharing Jessica's story with us all. Sleep well little one.

May God bless and keep you all.

:hug:


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## srm0421

The love and admiration for your daughter is evident in her story. Your love for her is so strong it enabled you to tell her story. I am so very sorry for your loss but so happy you got to hold your daughter in your arms and the love you and Matt share for each other and for her will get you through this. One day you two will have another child and you will be able to tell that child about their big sister who will always watch over them and protect them and she will always be remembered in you mind and in your heart and in your photos. Much love and well wishes to you and Matt. :hugs:


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## missjacey44

This story and your words made me cry, I dont even know what to say. Nobody deserves to go through that, You are such a brave couple. 

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sleep tight little angel Jessica x


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## PeanutBean

Know that there are hundreds of hearts breaking for you across the whole world as they read Jessica's story. :hugs:

I'm glad you got your day together, I'm so sorry there can't be more.


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## porkpie1981

:hugs: im so sorry


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## charliebear

:hugs: I'm so very sorry. x


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## Samantha675

no real words, just so so so very sorry


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## Irishmum

I've welled up so many times for the pain you must be feeling. I don't even know you but can only imagine the pride that people who do know you feel.

You are an inspiration. Im so sorry for your loss.

:hug:


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## The Catster

It takes a special Mummy and Daddy to do what you have done!!!!! You truly are an amazing couple!!!

Your Sunday sounds so Peacefull!!!! She will be with you for ever and ever!!!! And if you have any little brothers or sisters for her, she will be their invisible Angel!!!!!

God love you both!!!! I have cried so much reading Jessie's story, I just can't get her out of my head!!!! So she has even had an impact on a complete stranger!!!! She's a very special little girl!!!!! That special, God deprived you of her coz he wanted her all to himself!!!!
God is a lucky man!!!

Take care and I hope the forthcoming months are bareable!!!!

Thinking of the three of you!!!!

xxx:hug::hug::hug:


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## Aidan's Mummy

My heart is breaking for you hunni. Im so sorry for your loss
:hugs:
xx


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## Jemma_x

:hug: Thinking of you and your family at this sad time


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## Tezzy

unable to see the keyboard through my tears.

i wish i could reach through my computer and hug you both.

my heart is with you


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## Linzi

You are so strong I cant imagine going through any of that.

Lots of love to you and Matt

xxx


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## Ames

Thankyou for being so brave and sharing your story. it has touched my heart and will stay with me.
thinking of you and your family and sending lots of love.


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## susan_1981

It absolutely breaks my heart to read this and I can't stop thinking about it. I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now xxx


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## wilbrabeany

So sorry you had to go through this.xxx


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## claire1983

Thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. I hope your memories of your time with Jessica will comfort you in your grief. I am so sorry for you both. But it is clear to see she has touched your lives forever and she will never be forgotton. Rest in peace little Angel.


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## Belle

Such brave parents! 
U are in my thoughts and prayers!
Sleep tight baby Jessica.
xx


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## FEDup1981

Im so sorry for you and Matt, its absolutely heartbreaking and i think you are so strong and brave. Cherish ur memories xxx :hugs:


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## Mervs Mum

I've only just been able to read Jessica's story. I'm so glad that I have now. Sarah, there are no words I can say.

You, Matthew and Jessica are in my prayers.

x


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## ANGYPANGY

you and your angel are in my prayers


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## Angeldust

You are a woman of such great strength i am so sorry thinking of you both xxx


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## AC81

thinking of you both in this difficult time xx


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## emma_27

:hugs: Im so sorry you had to go through this lifes so unfair :(


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## Elli21

:hugs: Im so sorry xx


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## saraendepity

i am so sorry for your loss thinking of you both at this very sad time

xxx


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## Jayden'sMummy

:hugs::hugs: sitting here reading this, in tears with no idea what i can say to you. you are such a strong and amazing woman. no matter what any one says it won't make it any better but may bring you some comfort. you little girl was a gorgeous little princess and was way to special for this earth and will be smiling over her mummy + daddy, watching over yous thinking of how proud she is to have such brilliant parents and that when your time comes the three if yous will be together. she is with you in your hearts were ever you may be and will never leave you. she is resting until that time comes. 

Your in my thoughts xxxxx
R.I.P. xxxx


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## nickyb

so very sorry god bless your angel xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## doc123

i'm sending you so many prayers and thought for you both and all your family...Jessica has such a wonderful mother and father... together you are clearly an amazing team and in the depths of your grief you will be stronger day by day ... words cant express how sorry i am for your loss and you should feel proud of your family. I hope that you can cherish those brief moments you had with your little girl and try to remember her for the perfect baby she was. I hope time heals both of your hearts and that to carry the good memories of your time with Jessica. You will always be her mother and father and you should never feel anything other than pride at that fact- no matter how short a time she was with you for. 

with much love and condolences on your loss, sarah


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## happy mum

:cry: :hugs: :cry:

All i can do is cry for you both and your beautiful little girl

:cry: :hug: :cry:

you have written the most heart renching story i have ever read, but at the same time it is a beautiful story and epitaph to your jesicca, a truely loved little girl

:hugs:


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## Oblivionbaby

I am so moved Sarah. You wrote so beautifully. God bless Jessica x x x


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## passengerrach

im thinking of you and your family at such a difficult time your story had me in tears she will never be forgotten


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## Tegans Mama

That really made me cry. I can't say how sorry I am for your loss.


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## cuddles314

Thankyou for being so brave as to share Jessica's story with us. I am so so sorry for your heartbreaking loss, and you and your family are all in my thoughts and prayers.
xxx
:hug::hug::hug:


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## Heavenx

xxx


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## XKatX

You are both so brave and strong. She is a beautiful little girl.
Good luck to you both in the future. All 3 of you are in my heart, thoughts and prayers x x


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## Pebbles

Your story touched my heart Cant imagine how your feeling Stay strong


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## bluebell

:cry: Thank you for sharing your story Sarah, I am truely touched :hug:
You and Matt are so brave and Jessica was so lucky to have you both as her parents. I am thinking of you all :hug: Rest In Peace little Jessica...

xx



There's a beautiful song written by singer/songwriter Craig Cardiff called Smallest Wingless which he wrote to support an American charity called NILMDTS (Now I lay me down to sleep Foundation)...

dear one we've been waiting for you.
thrilled, beside ourselves you've arrived.
white coats came in heads held low.
talked for a bit, shuffled outside.

we closed the curtains, held each other and cried.
said hello at the same time we said goodbye.

smallest and wingless
leaving as soon as you arrived.
sadness is just love wasted
with no little heart to place it inside.

we closed the curtains held each other and cried.
said hello at the same time we said goodbye


If you would like to, you can listen to the song on Craig Cardiff's Myspace page, it's the first song on his songlist...
https://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=26500824


I have been on the NILMDTS website and wanted to let you know they have a forum for grieving parents that you and Matt may find helpful :hug:

Huge :hug: to you both

xx


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## cheeky_carrie

OMG im sat hear in tears and dunno what to type :cry::cry:

You and Matt are so incredibly brave!!! thank you for sharing your story, I am thinking of you all :hug: 

Rest In Peace little Jessica sleep with angels xxx


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## cosmotbear

:hugs::hugs::hugs: I am sat here in tears reading this. You are so brave sharing your story. I'm glad you got to spend that day together and have pictures to remember baby Jessica. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## hopefulfor09

I am so very very sorry for your loss and haven't stopped thinking of the three of you since I read this post. I can't even find the words - but thank you for sharing your story - you are so strong and together you will get through this. You're family is in my thoughts and prayers.


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## mrsmab

You are so strong and it is amazing that you are able to share this story with us!! 
My heart is really with you both and your beautiful angel. 
:hug:
xx


----------



## lfc_sarah

So sorry xx


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## wantababybump

I just got up the courage to read your story as I knew it was going to be very emotional. I was right, your story made me cry and I am just so amazed at how strong you are. I could never have been as strong as you. My thoughts are with your family. Thanks for sharing her story. :hug: xx


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## ribboninthesky

Oh honey, I am so sorry for your loss :(

Your honesty and bravery astounds me, I'm sat in tears after reading what you have written.

I wish you and your other half all the best in your future xxxxxxxxx


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## Always&amp;4ever

I'm so sorry honey *hugs* Jessica is a truly remarkable little girl and your story has touched many on and i'm sure off the forum. Rest In Peace Jessica xx


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## katieandbump

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby girl, no one deserves this to happen to them, you are such a strong and loving mum, treasure the cuddles with little Jessica i'm sure they'll stay with you forever. This is truly the saddest thing i've ever read. She'll be right with you.... living in your hearts every day. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Katew

So so sorry. I was in tears after reading. You both seem like wonderful strong people and I wish you all the luck in the world.


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## xHx

I am so sorry for your loss babe. Thinking of you and your family x x


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## Drazic<3

Im so sorry for the loss of your baby girl.
All my love goes to you and yours. :hug:


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