# At what age are repetitive questions/comments no longer typical?



## SarahBear

So I know I just posted a similar post about dinner, but this is more about questions and comments in general, and not about a specific topic that gives reason for repetitive questions. The repetitiveness is driving me a bit buggy. She'll tell me basically the same thing a bunch of times in a row and I have to tell her to stop repeating. She'll also ask the same thing a bunch of times and I prompt her with "Do you remember what my answer was the first time?" I know this is "normal" in little kids, but she's 5 and it feels like she should be getting past this.

Edit: And before anyone asks, no, I'm not concerned about autism and find it annoying that when you search for autism related concerns, the ONLY results you get are about autism. Bleh. She's repetitive as heck and has issues around food, has a history of sensory issues, and isn't spectacular socially, but I know enough about autism (trained to assess for it) that I have zero concerns there.


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## Zephram

My DS1 did this until fairly recently. Not sure when it stopped actually, maybe around the time he turned 5? I used to just put it down to him either not really understanding the answer or not knowing what question to ask to get the information he wanted. In the last few months Ive noticed that hell continue to ask questions but will modify the question if he doesnt get the right answer. Often they ask such general questions you could answer in a myriad of ways, its no surprise they keep on asking until you give the right answer. :haha:

I dont know when it becomes abnormal to keep asking though. Maybe if she does you could just ask her to be more specific or ask if youve given her the info shes wondering about yet?


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## SarahBear

I don't think it's about being too general. When she asks a question that's too general, I ask her to clarify. And then there are times when she asks a specific question over and over and when I prompt her to think about the answer the last time, she has either forgotten the answer, or she responds as if I've given the actual answer such as saying "yay, I get to have ____!" or "Awe, but I don't want ____!"


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## Gym knickers

Im not sure when it stops being typical. Neither of my older girls have really done it to the extent that youve described Violet doing it. They will nag if they really want something but they only really ask the question once or twice then just say pleeeeaaassse!!! Etc. DD1 will try to barter with me or negotiate to get the response she was hoping for but I havent really experienced the repetition that you have. 

If you dont mind me asking, what is your concern with regards to it? Other than it obviously bring quite challenging and draining I can imagine!


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## Neko

Older than 7... :dohh:


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## SarahBear

Gym knickers said:


> Im not sure when it stops being typical. Neither of my older girls have really done it to the extent that youve described Violet doing it. They will nag if they really want something but they only really ask the question once or twice then just say pleeeeaaassse!!! Etc. DD1 will try to barter with me or negotiate to get the response she was hoping for but I havent really experienced the repetition that you have.
> 
> If you dont mind me asking, what is your concern with regards to it? Other than it obviously bring quite challenging and draining I can imagine!

No specific concern... it's just annoying and I'm surprised it hasn't improved more than it has. That being said, it is worse when she's tired and hasn't been that bad since I posted this thread.


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## morri

mine also still does this. i guess it is reassurance? shell litereally ask something every 10 minutes usually something new that she learnt..


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## .Mrs.B.

My 5.5 year old does it every now and again. Not every day but every week at least. It is very annoying and I will never answer the same question twice, I always respond with "what was my answer last time?"


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## minties

I know you don't want to look into ASD, which can present pretty differently in girls anyway, but are you thinking there is something else to be looked into here? Violet very much so reminds me of how Thomas has acted in the past (he has ASD) and at the least she may have sensory processing disorder and OCD? Thomas's ASD is "level 1", or mild. Probably closer to the aspergers of the old days. He had no real issues developing as an infant and toddler, but it became apparent around age 4 that he was socially different, and he also had strong food fussiness, didn't enjoy changes to routine and had some obsessions with clothing etc. His repeating is more in statements than questions though, where he tells us stuff about whatever his current interest is and says the same sort of thing over and over.

I was in total denial that anything was amiss and still find it hard to swallow to be honest. He got diagnosed just before 7.


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## SarahBear

minties said:


> I know you don't want to look into ASD, which can present pretty differently in girls anyway, but are you thinking there is something else to be looked into here? Violet very much so reminds me of how Thomas has acted in the past (he has ASD) and at the least she may have sensory processing disorder and OCD? Thomas's ASD is "level 1", or mild. Probably closer to the aspergers of the old days. He had no real issues developing as an infant and toddler, but it became apparent around age 4 that he was socially different, and he also had strong food fussiness, didn't enjoy changes to routine and had some obsessions with clothing etc. His repeating is more in statements than questions though, where he tells us stuff about whatever his current interest is and says the same sort of thing over and over.
> 
> I was in total denial that anything was amiss and still find it hard to swallow to be honest. He got diagnosed just before 7.

It's not so much that I "don't want to look at ASD," but it's not ASD. She has some quirks, but not patterns of characteristics typical of ASD. Regardless of "presenting differently," the patterns of deficits are still the same in boys and girls. And it's hard to say what's her nature, what's her epilepsy condition, and what's the medication that manages her epilepsy.

Violet does have sensory issues, but they went from being "pathological" when she was age 4, to simply being more similar to preferences after her seizures started. Apparently sensory issues are common with epilepsy. It's no longer causing major impact on her life. As for social issues, her issue early on was that she had trouble relating to peers because they weren't as verbally advanced as she was. When she interacted with older kids, she did just fine. Then several months before she turned 4, her behavior escalated due to seizure activity building up in her brain. This impacted social skills. Then there was a period of several months where her seizures were not controlled. She was impacted enough by this that she ended up in the hospital. In the hospital, her motor skills, verbal skills, and cognitive skills were all impacted. In the hospital, she couldn't get to the toilet on time and at times couldn't walk without support. She couldn't talk in a comprehendible way at times too. She was back at school 5 days after being released from the hospital and eventually bounced back, but she was on a medication that made her seem like she had ADHD, so there were continued issues. Then eventually she got off of the medication that was causing issues and we found the right dose of the right medicine. She's usually back to "normal," but she is not "neurotypical" and does have challenges sometimes. She started having behavior again last December and we upped her dose. She is pretty much a normal 5 year old right now, but she did not have a normal 4 year old year. I feel like she's working on catching up socially, but her patterns of relating to others is consistent with a child without ASD.


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## BunnyN

She obviously has some symptoms typical of ASD but that doesn't necessarily mean she has enough to be diagnosed with it. I think sometimes there is no answer and it comes down to everyone has quirks in their personality. Have you thought of attention deficit?

I have read your posts for years now and so much of violet's personality reminds me of our little girl. So if you work it out let us know :).


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## SarahBear

BunnyN said:


> She obviously has some symptoms typical of ASD but that doesn't necessarily mean she has enough to be diagnosed with it. I think sometimes there is no answer and it comes down to everyone has quirks in their personality. Have you thought of attention deficit?
> 
> I have read your posts for years now and so much of violet's personality reminds me of our little girl. So if you work it out let us know :).

Yes, lots of people have "some symptoms typical of ASD," but reading too much into them is why it is so over diagnosed. Having quirks that are typical of ASD is a far cry from having a pattern of symptoms in all 4 areas that are typical of ASD, not caused by another disability, and starting before age 3. She has another disability impacting some of her quirks plus autism-like characteristics floating around in her gene pool. The only issue that showed up before 3 was sensory. As for ADHD, that runs strongly in the gene pool and is much higher of a possibility. She is also on medication that causes ADHD like symptoms. Who knows how much is her nature and how much is Depakote. The only thing we can say for sure is she does have Doose Syndrome.


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## minties

4? They've only looked at 3 areas for Thomas. Girls do present differently. I was diagnosed at 35 . Are you a paediatric psychologist? I get the feeling you work with kids.

The only area of issue Thomas really has is the social stuff now, they still say ASD. He no issues socialising or playing normally in the home, so I don't really understand it all.


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## SarahBear

I work in education as an autism consultant and evaluator. I have only Had this job a couple years and am not qualified to make a diagnosis, but I do have a good understanding of ASD. My background is in education, not psychology. I have both a general and special education degree. The four areas are social communication, social interaction, repetitive/restricted interests/patterns of behavior, and sensory. Sorry for the disjointed post... Past my bed time ;)


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## SarahBear

Ok, I dont feel like sleeping. One thing to note is that my training mainly focuses on educational eligibility and not diagnosis. I don't know where the line is drawn in the medical field, but I do know it is very subjective and I have seen kids with basically no symptoms have diagnoses and I have seen medical professionals disagree. No one who actually knows Violet actually thinks she has ASD. It's just when I post about things on here that people start throwing the label around. As for girls presenting differently, remember that at the core, the deficits are the same... ASD is defined by a set of common deficits that can present in a myriad of different ways. Where one person may not pick up on social cues, another has learned them with meticulous studying... That isn't lacking social deficits. That is possessing better coping skills. I wouldn't say Violet is masking autism with good coping skills. I'd say she has a number of quirks that are spectrumy but do not come together as autism.


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## Tanikins

My son is 6.5 and he also repeats. Especially if I feel it's a comment that doesn't warrant a response 'its raining' for example. However if you don't say 'i see' he will just give you the info again and again untill he gets a response. 

He also I does the same with questions but mainly if he didn't like the answer he got. 'can I have sweets' no. 'can I have a few sweets' no. 'could I possibly have some sweets' still no


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## BunnyN

Our 3 year old repeats until you answer him, or sometimes until he is satisfied with the answer which I think is pretty normal. Our 4 almost 5 year old will repeat things 10 times even though you have answered her every time. Is that more like what violet does?


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## SarahBear

Tanikins said:


> My son is 6.5 and he also repeats. Especially if I feel it's a comment that doesn't warrant a response 'its raining' for example. However if you don't say 'i see' he will just give you the info again and again untill he gets a response.
> 
> He also I does the same with questions but mainly if he didn't like the answer he got. 'can I have sweets' no. 'can I have a few sweets' no. 'could I possibly have some sweets' still no

I think part of her repetitive questioning is anxiety that the answer will change and she wants reassurance that it won't. Problem is, sometimes I change the answer or threaten to if she asks too much... Threatening to change the answer does get her to stop...


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## SarahBear

BunnyN said:


> Our 3 year old repeats until you answer him, or sometimes until he is satisfied with the answer which I think is pretty normal. Our 4 almost 5 year old will repeat things 10 times even though you have answered her every time. Is that more like what violet does?

Yeah... Although it isn't generally right in a row. I think it probably used to be, but I think we "trained" it out of her. Now she'll wait a while or say other things in between. It just gets repeated in a fairly short amount of time, even when she knows the answer. It is more intense when she's tired or off for another reason. I think things are improving with it.


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## sequeena

We've done the why questions. Now onto the what questions! I know it's all developmental and it will take Thomas a bit longer but I am ready to cut my ears off :dohh: and when I answer he usually asks again or says he doesn't understand what it means when he does :wacko:


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## SarahBear

sequeena said:


> We've done the why questions. Now onto the what questions! I know it's all developmental and it will take Thomas a bit longer but I am ready to cut my ears off :dohh: and when I answer he usually asks again or says he doesn't understand what it means when he does :wacko:

Interestingly, Violet never went through a "why" phase. She did do the "what" phase as a toddler though.


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## CRWx

I work with a child who does this. It&#8217;s repetitive on anything he says, you say to him as an answer or anything else really. He&#8217;s 3 and we&#8217;ve observed that this isn&#8217;t typical in the way he does it so often and for so long. We&#8217;re looking into it! Will let you know of the outcome, if there is one.


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