# Ex wants my son adopted



## Glitch

Long story short: ex was a useless dad and mentally abusive when my son was a baby. I left him. Massive control freak, only interested in our son when he could use it to manipulate or ruin plans for me etc

He eventually got a new girlfriend (3 years ago) and hasn't seen my son since. He'd pop up once in a while demanding him, but by this point my son didn't know him, so I could tell him contact centre or nothing - he always chose nothing.

Child Maintenance caught up with him, and he now has to pay me. Because of this, he's now decided that he wants my new partner to adopt him ASAP so that he can get out of paying.

My son has autism and other additional needs, I am his full time carer (i'm now also home educating him), child maintenance is REALLY useful.

My son knows my partner as daddy, and he is brilliant at it. He's been in the picture most of my son's life and really stepped up when the ex has done nothing but mess him about.

I know that the reason he wants him adopted is just to get out of paying, but he's such a manipulative and petty person, if we don't go along with it, I expect he'll start trying to cause problems out of spite.

But also, even if we do.. can he still come back later on even if DS is adopted by my partner? I would not be surprised at all if he eventually gets dumped by the girlfriend and then turns his attention back on us and starts trying to cause problems again.
He'd probably go back to the courts and say we bullied him in to signing the adoption papers or something.

I don't even know what i'm asking.

But has anyone had similar situations or can advise please? :dohh::nope:


----------



## Glitch

Should also add: he only contacts my partner now to pester about adoption, as he is a man (ex believes that women should not have independence and so my partner is the person in charge).

and an update:

My partner was meant to ask him about a name change. He got confused (my partner's lovely but dippy as anything) and thought the name changing had to happen to adopt.

The ex is now flying off the handle because you don't have to change a name to adopt someone (duh) and now saying he's going to "make an application to an arbitration service" ??


----------



## Smille24

My dh adopted my dd1 a few years ago. Her "sperm donor" had zero involvement in her life and was unable to be located, which made things easier for our case. In the US (in my state) you have to be married a year b4 you can present a case. In your case, the bio father will have to agree to relinquish his rights in order for the adoption to be finalized. Once the adoption goes through, he cannot be involved whatsoever. In our case, if for some reason my ex found out my dh adopted dd1, there's nothing he can do about it. There are so many hoops to jump through, but that's to prevent lawsuits, etc. I hope that helps. 

I have no knowledge of name changes for children without adoption. I would think your ex might have to sign off on that, but not sure.


----------



## missk1989

Does your partner want to adopt your son? Is it something you would have discussed without the input of your ex?
I don't think your ex should be pushing for it or that you should be considering it for any reason other than it is what is best for your son. If your partner adopts your son, he has PR even if the two of you break up. If you die, your partner is then full carer to your son. Is he prepared to take that on?
Your Ex would not be able to change his mind and cause trouble after the order is granted. He would also have to give permission for a name change.


----------

