# How do i get through the next few days?



## Lottelotte

So, last year on the 30th aug, i lost my little girl. I was heartbroken. It was my first baby. I then went through 10 months hell. I had placenta accreta and some of my placejta was deeply embedded in the womb. It took me 10 months for my hcg to fall. 

I fell pregnant very quickly after my consultant gave me the ok. Everything was going perfectly. I had scans at 5,7,9,11 and 13 weeks and baby seemed fine. 

Yesterday, i couldn't find the heartbeat on my doppler and couldn't feel him moving, it was there on friday and this morning phoned labour and delievry. I went in, and they couldn't find heartbeat on doppler either, so i was scanned.

Baby had no amniotic fluid round it and no longer had a heartbeat. :cry:


I am going to be induced on tuesday. But i don't know what to expect and how to get through the next few days. 

I went through this just over a year ago, and don't know how i got through it then, let alone for a second time.

What to do with work, my physical and emotional wellbeing, and then i have the issue with my hcg, will i have to go through the same thing again?

Please help....


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## Pink_Sparkle

I am so so sorry for your losses. You've really been through the mill. I simply cant imagine having to go through it for a second time...I lost my daughter on the 21st of August at 19 weeks. When I was 17 weeks we discovered, like you, there was no amniotic fluid around the baby...my baby's heart was still beating though - I had no choice but to be induced after two weeks and to terminate the pregnancy as my baby girls lungs were not able to develop...plus with no water she couldnt really move which would cause other problems.

I was induced on a Tuesday also...initially I felt that I was coping with losing her quite well, but I think I was on survival mode. It hit me quite bad a few weeks later once the dust had settled. I have days where I'm fine and I have days where im a mess...its very up and down....I am starting to feel like the days are getting easier, but I can still cry at the drop of a hat.

We are all here for you and there are also ladies on here that have experienced more than one loss that will be able to offer some advice and support. Be gentle on yourself, take your time to grieve over your losses. Dont expect too much from yourself too soon. Come on here anytime you like, to chat or to vent. 

Sending big hugs to you xxx


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## Lottelotte

Thank you pink.

Tuesday went as well as could be expected and i delievered a little boy at 2.20pm. He was perfect. We named him Rory.

I miss him so much and just want him back in my tummy.

Xx


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am so deeply sorry for both of your losses :cry::cry::cry: Having to go through it once was hell I can't imagine twice.. :cry::cry:
I wish I could just hug you, my heart aches cause I know this pain is just constant and piercing .. Rory is up there playing with my Ava looking down on us and smiling. Rory will always be remembered and loved. Hope the next coming days are gentle on your body and heart.. If you ever need a friend or just to talk I am always around. XOOXOXXO Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Pink_Sparkle

Im so sorry again....Rory is a lovely name. I hope you got to spend some time with him. I totally understand the feeling of wanting him back in your tummy. Sounds corny but I felt a deep emptiness in my tummy when I lost Freya..Id give anything to have her back there. At first it felt like I could still feel her moving. Big hugs to you, I hope the coming days are gentle on you xx


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## parky

im so so sorry for both of your losses. I have also had two second trimester losses - we lost our little girl Macy a week before christmas last year at 18 weeks and more recently on the 6th july lost a little boy who we named Lucas at 16 weeks. we are very lucky to have our 3 year old son to distract us but it has been one hell of a year and i also sometimes wonder how we have got through it - each loss has felt very different for me - we had an amnio with our little girl and that was what caused us to loose her (i contracted an infection) where as Lucas was a spontaneous loss that hasnt been explained. we had a massive sense of guilt with macy which we didnt have with lucas and as a result felt differently. I think my bodies way of coping with the loss of our little boy was just to shut it out where as i was a lot more emotional after Macy. i have felt sooooo bad that i have had such different reactions and have beat myself up about it but have come to realise that the way i feel is just the way i feel , not right or wrong, it just is! i think partly i hadnt let myself get attached to lucas because of what happened before. all i can say is take each day as it comes and dont worry about wether you are handling it in the right way, just do what you need to do and use the knowledge that you made it through the last time and will make it through again - big hugs to you


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## Bluebell bun

So sorry about your loss:hugs:


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## Lottelotte

Andypanda6570 said:


> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> 
> I am so deeply sorry for both of your losses :cry::cry::cry: Having to go through it once was hell I can't imagine twice.. :cry::cry:
> I wish I could just hug you, my heart aches cause I know this pain is just constant and piercing .. Rory is up there playing with my Ava looking down on us and smiling. Rory will always be remembered and loved. Hope the next coming days are gentle on your body and heart.. If you ever need a friend or just to talk I am always around. XOOXOXXO Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thank you Andrea. This message put a smile on my face to think of our little angels playing together :hugs:

This really means a lot to mean. I am so sorry for the loss of Ava - this is something none of us should have to go through 
xx


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## Lottelotte

Pink_Sparkle said:


> Im so sorry again....Rory is a lovely name. I hope you got to spend some time with him. I totally understand the feeling of wanting him back in your tummy. Sounds corny but I felt a deep emptiness in my tummy when I lost Freya..Id give anything to have her back there. At first it felt like I could still feel her moving. Big hugs to you, I hope the coming days are gentle on you xx

Thank you Pink. I am sorry for the loss of Freya - she was so very beautiful. :hugs:

I spent some time with Rory which as nice - the hospital never once belittled my loss and were so very kind. We have the funeral tomorrow. 

Thank you
xx


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## Lottelotte

parky said:


> im so so sorry for both of your losses. I have also had two second trimester losses - we lost our little girl Macy a week before christmas last year at 18 weeks and more recently on the 6th july lost a little boy who we named Lucas at 16 weeks. we are very lucky to have our 3 year old son to distract us but it has been one hell of a year and i also sometimes wonder how we have got through it - each loss has felt very different for me - we had an amnio with our little girl and that was what caused us to loose her (i contracted an infection) where as Lucas was a spontaneous loss that hasnt been explained. we had a massive sense of guilt with macy which we didnt have with lucas and as a result felt differently. I think my bodies way of coping with the loss of our little boy was just to shut it out where as i was a lot more emotional after Macy. i have felt sooooo bad that i have had such different reactions and have beat myself up about it but have come to realise that the way i feel is just the way i feel , not right or wrong, it just is! i think partly i hadnt let myself get attached to lucas because of what happened before. all i can say is take each day as it comes and dont worry about wether you are handling it in the right way, just do what you need to do and use the knowledge that you made it through the last time and will make it through again - big hugs to you


I am so sorry for the loss of Macy and Lucas. I feel very similar with Tilly and Rory. I loved Rory with all my heart but I was so wary of something going wrong, that I don't think I let myself get so emotionally attached. Also after having Tilly, I had a horrific time physically, I bleed for over two months had to have two repeat D and C's even after passing baby, and my hcg just did not want to come down and just after christmas had planned to start chemo to get it down. It was without a doubt the hardest time in my life. Compared with now, I delivered baby quickly and physically have been ok (so far). This meant that emotionally it didn't ever seem to end. 

Thank you for your comment, it means so much to mean, and I hope that we all have better things to come.

xx


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## Lottelotte

Bluebell bun said:


> So sorry about your loss:hugs:

Thank you :hugs:
xx


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## Lottelotte

Tomorrow, we have Rory's funeral. We picked the poems and songs we wanted and went through everything today with the chaplain who was very nice. 

I never thought I would ever have to plan my babies funeral :cry:

xx


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