# Worst rollercoaster ride of my life...



## HillyJen

Hello, 
I'm new to the forum and currently going :wacko:. 

I've been reading so many of your stories - I've cried over your BFNs and MCs, but I've been overjoyed by your BFPs.

We've been ttc for 2 years and I've had 6 (and probably working on my 7th) early miscarriage, all within the past year. But something has changed this month... 

We just moved to Sweden a few months ago, after living in Scotland for four years. We've had all the investigations, both for fertility and recurrent miscarriage: no known cause. 

I always suspected low progesterone, but UK doctors would not prescribe it. My pattern was that I would get a BFP on either 10dpo,11dpo or 12dpo (but I would always be spotting beforehand), I would then get suddenly ill (so weak I couldn't lift my arms, and eventual collapse) and AF would rear her ugly head the next day. Over and over and over again. 

Well, a wonderful Swedish ob-gyn put me on Crinone (vag gel progesterone), and after using it for the first time to extend my LP, I've had a full 8 days of actual BFPs - no spotting, no collapsing!! It's the first time this has happened. I'm at 16dpo, but scared to keep testing (you'll see why below). I'm at CD 33(!), not spotting at all, when previously I'd be spotting already around CD 25. I should be happy, right?

With FRERs (20mIU/mL): 
9dpo: 3 BFPs afternoon/evening (saw them but they faded when dry (after 30mins)
10dpo: BFP fmu (sooo happy - but it also faded when dry)
11dpo: BFN :growlmad: (went to Ikea that day and growled jealously at pregnant women)

Ran out of FRERs and had to buy much less sensitive test (25 or 50mIU/mL):
12dpo: BFP fmu (???) (tested to be sure BFN before stopping Crinone. This one ALSO faded, leaving us in doubt)
13dpo: BFP afternoon - faint but NO doubt, and no fade. 

In the meantime, had developed BBs that felt like pin cushions, nausea, milky CM, sudden food aversions (I now hate chocolate...??), constipation - but I put it all down to Crinone effects, so really ignored symptoms. 

Then, using horrid insensitive test again:
15dpo: BFP fmu... but it took almost 10 minutes (my heart burst to pieces in those 10 min, sobbing hopelessly) to develop and the only up-side is it was there for sure and it didn't fade away completely when dry. (this test says to read result only AFTER 5mins, discard after 30min)
Going crazy and worrying, took afternoon test, with same result, though faded slightly more than with fmu.
Reality check:
I should really be seeing strong lines by now, but because I've been forced to abandon FRERs (not available where I live), I'm stuck with lousy insensitive tests, so it's hard to compare from one day to the next. And I know we shouldn't compare HPTs because a line is a line, right? But we all know that when lines fade or don't get stronger... 
I shouldn't rationalize... I keep blaming the tests, but I know it's just not going to work, this will be a chemical AGAIN, right?? It's so hard to bear. All my symptoms are still here. It's all so real. I have to stop myself from fantasizing about all that could be... will there ever be a baby for us? I have to keep hoping. 

Big bags of baby dust to all of you wonderful ladies. :kiss:


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## jzgrace

I would think that if it were a chemical AF would have shown by now for sure. I used frer on 10dpo with fmu and the line was so faint I saw a glimps of pink at first then it dried and faded. Then about 8 hours later I tested again with frer, a darker super super super faint but pink line that only myself and my sister could see. Dh, and my mom said I was crazy. Then the next day went to see my nurse. She did a urine test and told me "nope you're not pregnant!" I was devestated!! The next day went out of town to go gown shopping for my wedding and returned late night. My sides were hurting so bad in my ribs that I went to the hospital. They took blood and sure enough they told me I AM pregnant. I wouldn't get discouraged those cheap tests are CHEAP! And they aren't as good as frer or blood testing. Best of luck to you and try not to worry, your symptoms seem to be a good indicator too. :flower:


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## Graceyous

Hi & Welcome 
I hope everything is still going well for you, it sounds to me that you were indeed suffering from low progesterone in your past. I did aswell - spotting at about 8 dpo (called a luteal phase deficiency) - which I've been told will not support a heathly sustained pregnancy - progesterone is needed to keep the lining in place for at least the fisrt 10 - 12 weeks before the placenta can then take over. 

I'm so glad you've finally been given the suppositories. They do come with their own side effects (similar to early pregnancy) the sore bb's etc. However u are getting a bfp - even 15dpo can still give only a very light line especially with less sensitive tests, to ease your mind can you not go and get a blood test? Progesterone suppliments can help support a viable pregnancy so they are definitely something you should continue to use until you consult with ur doctor - best of luck 
:hugs:


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## sweetcheeks78

Hi hon, I hope you come back and let us know how you are getting on at some point. I had fading lines and they didn't seem to be getting any stronger until after 15dpo. I had my doubts about a sticky bean too, but I'm 19 weeks now and all is going well. Baby dust to you xxx


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