# Do you feel its rude



## HBGirl

For people to ask "whats wrong" with your child? I don't mind questions like what is that in her neck or why does she have that but whats WRONG seems so rude to me.

I have started answering "nothing, what's wrong with you".


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## sequeena

It does piss me off but perhaps I am too sensitive.


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## Linny

I'm dreading that. I usually get asked why she's so small. I used to say she stopped growing in womb but that leads to more questions so I just say she was premature now.

I can't imagine ever saying that to somebody, it is in incredibly rude. There is a lady in my FB group when asked 'what's wrong' replies 'nothing's wrong, she's just greedy and has an extra chromosome' :)


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## HBGirl

I am glad I am not alone here. The first time it happened I answered with "not a damn thing is WRONG with my baby, she is perfect". Ironicallybthe woman who asked told ME I was rude. LOL


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## alibaba24

you are certainly not alone! to be honest i think it is beyond rude! I think most adults have an intuition about a childs behaviour or if its something more obvious in appearance I Would never dream of even asking about it politely never mind asking whats wrong. I hate that word! since when was it expected children should all be perfect little textbook clones of each other

grrrrrrrrrrr! x


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## HBGirl

This is my little sweetie, she is just 4.6kgs and 60cm at 6 months, she has a tracheostomy and bilateral coloboma but there is not a darn thing "wrong" with her.
 



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## Tayla2748

Your daughter is gorgeous HBGirl :flower:


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## Vampire Mom

My go to response is "She has tactless adults being rude." and strolling away if Hannelore is asleep. If she's awake, she just stares at them with her big blue eyes and says "Nothing, I'm perfect."

Those usually stun people speechless so we can walk off without a debate. No point debating fools, you'll just sink to their level and get beat by experience.


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## alibaba24

HBGirl said:


> This is my little sweetie, she is just 4.6kgs and 60cm at 6 months, she has a tracheostomy and bilateral coloboma but there is not a darn thing "wrong" with her.

she is so gorgeous! she actually reminds me of my baby girl with those big round eyes :cloud9::cloud9:


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## Linny

HBgirl, she is perfect! Such a cutie :D


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## Pearls18

I just saw this come up on "New posts" and just wanted to say I think it's very rude to ask somebody "what's wrong" unless it was a child asking in which case they obviously wouldn't understand the language they had used (hopefully a parent could correct them) but for an adult I think it would be an atrocious question, if I saw your daughter the first thing I would think is what a gorgeous girl, she really is adorable.


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## HBGirl

Thanks ladies. I think she is beautiful. Even at 2am, 3am and 4am today. :p

I have had children ask what is wrong and I explain what happened to her throat and that doctors are trying to fix it. The way kids ask is adorable and how they just accept it is even cuter. <3


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## Vampire Mom

Missed the picture first time, but total agreement that she's a beautiful little girl! 

I don't mind kids asking, plus they frequently talk to my daughter instead of over her. Cutest was the little girl who loved her purple KAFO and wanted some also. She gets a lot on why are her legs funny. Which honestly to me seems like an appropriate question. Adults should phrase it better or just mind their own business.


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## DonnaBallona

HBgirl, there might be a couple of things wrong with your LO but there are a million things right with her too! she is absolutley gorgeous!!!!

I have had a few odd questions at various points over my sons life so far.... generally I don't mind questions, I'm quite open and honest (as long as I'm having a good day, haha) but I do take offence to pity. I HATE IT when people CONSTANLY say 'oh, poor thing, etc etc when my LO is running around happily at playgroup. for some reason that irks me more!

I also dislike it when people stand close enough for me to hear them but don't direct questions about my child at me, but at each other! the height of rudeness! x


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## Linny

^^^Total agreement about the pity thing! Omg that was literally all I got when family friends were told about D. It just made me feel so much more shit. Where is the positivity?? I'm trying my best to hope that D will have a good life but those sad shakes of the head make me feel like it's only gonna be doom and gloom. Surely I'm the only one who should have moments feeling that way. Not them.

Ooh it feels good to get this out haha!!!


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## RachA

I don't really find it rude when people ask what's wrong. I think it stems from an inability to ask the correct question because what is acceptable to say keeps changing. 
Whilst the word wrong obviously implys something is incorrect with the child and therefore that the child is less than perfect, the adult isn't saying it to imply that. 
I really struggle to know what to say because nothing ever seems to be the right thing to say/ask.


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## Jencocoa

Yes, it is rude. People tend to be ignorant until something affects them personally. Most don't mean any harm though and I try to remind myself of that. Just like I personally do not like it when people say normal, as in my child is not normal. I prefer typical.


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## HBGirl

I must say, I stopped using normal when DD was diagnosed. Only then did I realise how ridiculous the word normal is. How can anyone be normal if we are all so different?


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## Larkspur

I saw this in New Posts and agree it's terrifically rude. But I'm struggling to think of ways to express (non-judgemental!) interest in your children's experiences/health that would not be regarded as rude! 

How would you like for people to ask you about it, given that special care for your children must be a significant part of your experience? Or do you prefer people to say nothing and leave it to you to offer information in your own time?


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## mummy2o

I was going to praise a mum with a child with a breathing tube who was pregnant and also had a toddler in toe, but after reading this post I thought she might get offending if I asked about what was wrong with her child. So I left it. How would you ladies advise me giving the woman some praise if I ever see her again?


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## Tor

I agree I find it really awkward at my special needs groups/hospital appointments to talk to anyone because im so worried about saying the wrong thing!

How else would you ask about their child? or as above would you prefer not to be asked?


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## HBGirl

Larkspur said:


> I saw this in New Posts and agree it's terrifically rude. But I'm struggling to think of ways to express (non-judgemental!) interest in your children's experiences/health that would not be regarded as rude!
> 
> How would you like for people to ask you about it, given that special care for your children must be a significant part of your experience? Or do you prefer people to say nothing and leave it to you to offer information in your own time?

I don't mind interest expressed at all. Questions like what is that in her neck, what happened etc are fine. What is wrong implies a fault in a person, that is rude. I am proud of how strong my daughter is and I am always willing to explain if people ask.

Funny enough a teenager asked what was wrong and I was fine with it, they are not "mature" enough to know its rude.


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## HBGirl

Tor said:


> I agree I find it really awkward at my special needs groups/hospital appointments to talk to anyone because im so worried about saying the wrong thing!
> 
> How else would you ask about their child? or as above would you prefer not to be asked?

In your position I would ask if they have a diagnosis.


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## Plex

I think this all depends on how well u know the person asking - if its a complete stranger then yes its incredibly rude and none of their business. 

My son is getting more noticably different to other children his age and younger, ive not had to answer that question yet but im sure that time will come. Not sure how i will react then though x


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