# Postpartum sadness/anxiety? How long will it last?



## TntArs06

Im supposed to be the happiest person alive with my girls. But im not! OH and I have NEVER fought this much in the 6 years we've been married. Im afraid of divorce and sadly not trusting OH. I've always trusted..... Im exhausted and feel almost alone. This is not easy for me to admit because im usually very on top everything and my emotions. But I cry constantly ( I know sounds pathetic) and feel guilty for everything. And I just wanna be a happy family and enjoy our girls!! 

Dr. gave me Wellbutrin last week so I know that takes time. But how long does postpartum last? How long do these hormones stay in me? Im afraid if something doesn't get better that OH and I are doomed.

Dont mean to sound pathetic or attention seeking just wanna know if anyone else felt this way and how long till it gets better??:nope:


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## lizziedripping

Hi hun, and sorry you are feeling so low :hugs: 

I felt incredibley depressed after my first baby was born, and I am convinced that post-partum depression is in part caused by the total upheaval and change caused by that first baby/babies. As a couple and as individuals life has changed beyond all recognition, and this takes time to come to terms with, coupled with the rush of some hormones, and sudden decline of others. The combination of all these things serves to leave you feeling exhausted, and miserable - having two screaming babies compounds thos feelings.

I have always founs that up to a month after babies, the baby blues are really strong, then this passes to leave you feeling happier. If depression kicks in then that improvement doesn't happen immediately and the generalised sadness can go on for longer. My first born was a difficult baby who cried almost constantly, and it wasn't until he settled down that I felt like my old self again. He got into a routine, slept better and as a result I could begin to put myself back together again.

Are the girls settled babies? Have you got any help with them? Have you and dh had a chance for some alone time at all? I think men sometimes find it hardest of all to adjust to their new role, and the fact that they are no longer the centre of their partners world. Just the tiredness alone in raising twoo newborns is enought to test any relationship, so you and dh are not alone in how you feel hun.

Once the babies and you have adjusted to a routine, and you start to feel like you're getting some normality back in your lives, you will begin to feel better chick. Most ladies here have been where you are, so please feel free to vent here any time, and PM me if you need some support in getting the girls into a pattern which helps you all to feel a bit better :hugs:


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## TntArs06

lizziedripping said:


> Hi hun, and sorry you are feeling so low :hugs:
> 
> I felt incredibley depressed after my first baby was born, and I am convinced that post-partum depression is in part caused by the total upheaval and change caused by that first baby/babies. As a couple and as individuals life has changed beyond all recognition, and this takes time to come to terms with, coupled with the rush of some hormones, and sudden decline of others. The combination of all these things serves to leave you feeling exhausted, and miserable - having two screaming babies compounds thos feelings.
> 
> I have always founs that up to a month after babies, the baby blues are really strong, then this passes to leave you feeling happier. If depression kicks in then that improvement doesn't happen immediately and the generalised sadness can go on for longer. My first born was a difficult baby who cried almost constantly, and it wasn't until he settled down that I felt like my old self again. He got into a routine, slept better and as a result I could begin to put myself back together again.
> 
> Are the girls settled babies? Have you got any help with them? Have you and dh had a chance for some alone time at all? I think men sometimes find it hardest of all to adjust to their new role, and the fact that they are no longer the centre of their partners world. Just the tiredness alone in raising twoo newborns is enought to test any relationship, so you and dh are not alone in how you feel hun.
> 
> Once the babies and you have adjusted to a routine, and you start to feel like you're getting some normality back in your lives, you will begin to feel better chick. Most ladies here have been where you are, so please feel free to vent here any time, and PM me if you need some support in getting the girls into a pattern which helps you all to feel a bit better :hugs:


Thank you for your response. :hugs: My girls are almost 5 weeks old and my emotions or these feelings have gotten worse with everyday. Im even starting to get jealous of my OH's life. OH works pretty much full time and goes to school full time on top of study groups. So I basically take care of them by myself. Sunday my mom will come over and visit and help which is a nice relief to shower or clean up. I just kinda feel alone. Then top it off with not sleeping...im exhausted.

The girls I think are pretty good babies. They sleep bout 3 hrs in a row at night. But I have so much anxiety that they will choke and die so I haven't really "slept." I almost sleep with eyes open. They pretty much only cry when they are hungry or need a diaper change. They have reflux so every now and then they will fuss from discomfort. So I dont think they are too bad. Just think OH doesn't understand what all I have to do during the day. Just thinks they lay around and sleep all day. Which would be lovely! LOL

I just wanna feel HAPPY about my girls being here. Im no where near happy. I figured they would get here and we'd be this happy family. And we are the EXACT opposite! And I hate it and im afraid to lose OH because of how I feel.

I try to get the girls on routine....they are usually in bed around 9 and usually turn down lights and turn tv down around 8 to get them a little settled. And at night I feed them only when they wake us and during the day they go about 3 hrs between feedings. But no other routine than that I guess.

I appreciate your honest response. I have a dr appt today to see the dr about all this. I dont want it to get worse.


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## sparkle05

Hi TNT, I was just coming to find you to see how you were getting along. First of all :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I had PND after my second baby. Everyone couldn't understand why I was so sad. To them I had just given birth to a DD after having a DS, so had the pair lol, she was so good slept, fed, slept again :winkwink: but inside I was so sad.
I just couldn't shake it, I pushed everyone away until I had no one. By the time my DD was 3 months I knew I needed help and went to the doctors. The DR was helpful, he gave me some anti depressants at the time though I refused to take them, I think that's why things got a whole lot worse before it got better. My DD was around 11 months before i started to feel myself again. I refused help from anyone and didn't start my pills until she was around 7 months, I think that's why it took so long, I wouldn't admit I had a problem:blush: 

Having one baby is overwhelming and you have had two :happydance: 
Everything you once were or once knew has changed. It takes a little time to
Adjust. I'm sure that you and Amy will be fine once you have both adjusted to your new roles and the babies start to settle into a rotine. You will find 
yourselves again I promise. Isla is 9 months now and me and DH have only
just started to find time to breathe.
I think that partners go into shock when the baby comes. We have been lucky 
enough to carry them round for nine months and feel them moving, I don't 
think it becomes real for them until they are here. My DH is useless for the 
first couple of weeks. You will be very exhausted and overwhelmed with 
hormones and feelings that you have never felt before and this make things 
appear 10 times worse.
I know that you and Amy are making fantastic parents and you will see that too very soon, just look at everything you have been through to get here. 
You will get through it together. Keep talking to each other and don't hold 
anything back, keep telling each other how you feel and work through all these odd feelings together. 

If you ever want to talk, I'm here anytime. Lots of love to you and Amy and 
those gorgeous girls. Take care :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## lizziedripping

Hi hun. The babies are doing quite well given that they are only 5wks old. You should find that by the time they are 12wks they are able to go longer between feeding, and that you have more time to yourself during the day and night :hugs:

the feelings you describe are probably hormone related and causing PND, and despite the girls being essentially good babies, they are still draining you of ALL your surplus energy sweet. 

I know all about husbands who are on another planet ;) they really have no idea, how could they? You are the one who grew those babies for 9mths, gave birth to them (from which you are still recovering), and their care primarily falls to you. 24/7 care of two babies is tough and men only really understand how tough if the care is handed over to them entirely, which it rarely is! Your dh is also getting precious time away from the 'madness' and isolation of looking after babies - something which is essential if you are to survive the first few months hun.

If you think about it, 50yrs ago women lived very much in family groups. Often sisters, grandparents and cousins all lived within spitting distance of one another. When a woman had a baby, there was plenty of support from these women, new Mums would even be sent to their beds for a fortnight after delivery just to recover from childbirth. What an amazing concept! I believe firmly that the loss of this mini community has increased the rates of PND because nowadays women are given lots of time and attention when pregnant, but then simply sent home after delivery and most of the help and support vanisheswhen in fact they need it the most. It isn't any wonder that depression creeps in - there is nothing more isolating than being trapped indoors with a baby and no one to share the burden of those eraly weeks.

I have rambled, but the point is darlin that you are not alone or unusual for feeling this way. It is totally understandable and can be fixed :) Get back to us when you have chatted with your Doc again, and let us know what he has advised :hugs:


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## fuzzylu

lizzi is right women had so much more support years ago. Honestly I felt the same when y boys were 5 weeks old. Things improved alot at 12 weeks when they were sleeping for longer. You are doing everthing right, admiting that everything is not ok and seeking help from your dr is the first step to feeling like you again.

Having a baby is a big shock, your life changes so dramaticly and nothing prepares you to how hard it is. then add the fact its twins makes it so much more a challange, no wonder we all struggle at times. us twin mummys deserve a huge pat on the back.

Could you get someone to watch the girld for 2-3 hours one day while you have a break? I found having a long soak in the bath (i tended to fall asleep lol) made me feel so much more refreshed. in the first few weeks I struggled to get out of my pj's before my husband got home from work at 5pm even just alittle time to yourself might just make all the diffrence.


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## Lucy28

I completely understand, hun. It gets better. My babies are going to be 7 weeks soon, and I found that the last week things finally have started to get better. Being alone with them that much would drive anyone insane. You need a break. We got desperate and called in every possible relative. Each came in for about a week. I now have my 80 year old grandmother helping! She had twins herself (my mom is a twin) and is a big help. She leaves on Friday, and then we are all out of help :) 

After about 6 weeks I have started to see a real change. They will sit and stare around for long periods of time without crying. Both are lifting their heads up and starting to try to smile and coo. 

It is amazing what a few hours of alone time will do for you. Try finding a nanny you can get for just an hour or two a day or so (if you can afford it). I found a nanny on care.com and she comes in twice a week. Very helpful indeed!

It gets better.


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## KELLYBD

Hi Hun

I understand how you are feeling, me and OH have argued alot too. He has children from a previous relationship so every time I say he needs to be doing things a certain way, he throws at me that he's already had kids and he knows what he's doing, or I resent comments he makes when he tells me to do things a certain way. 

OH's mum and dad have taken the twins for two nights and we have had a lovely two days, lots of hugs and kisses and drinking beer :) it's been a real tonic for us. I've missed my babies loads and can't wait to see them tomorrow so we both feel happy and refreshed now. 

I've had a few breakdowns since the twins arrived, crying for no reason, crying because the babies won't stop crying, crying because OH has said something off hand to me, and everyone I speak to tells me it's totally normal. 

We have everything twice as hard and no one except another twin mum can understand the intensity of coping with two babies at the same time. You are doing a great job, you are a twin mum, so don't be so hard on yourself hun. Like I keep telling myself, the hard times will pass and it will be a joy once they are in proper sleeping patterns. 

Keep your chin up and don't worry, explain to your OH how you are feeling and if you can get someone to look after the twins to give you both some alone time, take it!

Big hugs, Kel xx


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## beckyboo1980

Didn't want to read and run. Just wanted tosend you a big, big hug!!!
Beckyboo
XXX


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## lizziedripping

The girls are so right chick, 6wks is the first turning point with newborns, then again at 12wks and then 6mths. You turn huge corners each time, then suddenly life seems to be pretty much back to normal (albeit with the new additions) at around 18mths - we are just reaching that point now, at which time I usually get broody again lol. 

You are in the most difficult phase at the moment, AND these are your first babies - it must be tough having twins first. You are doing brilliantly, and by accepting that it is hard, that there is nothing wrong with you for feeling sad, and that the 'happy family' image you so longed for but never came is actually just around the corner, things might feel a little easier my darlin. 

I never had the 'happy family' moment until each of my babies turned 6mths and I had come through the 'newborn storm'. I too had yearned for that feeling with my first, but it never actually came because I was drained and exhausted, and my dh seemed oblivious to my plight. We were suddenly at odds after 10yrs together, and in a sense were in shock at this new found responsibility and change to our lives. Come 6mths we began to enjoy our baby, and the sadness lifted slowly but surely :hugs: xxx


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## Wispyshadow

Hey Girlie!!!!!! I'm so sorry you are struggling with PND. I do too...things are better now. I quit grad school, started anti-depressants, and make sure I get out of the house everyday. Sunshine and some exercise does help some. You definately need to take a few moments for just you and also try to have a date night with OH. You guys probably need to reconnect. It can be a tough transition. I have also unfortunately taken to shopping therapy. I started roller blading once a week with a friend too. Take the girls for a walk, find a moms group you can meet with maybe a moms of multiples group. I am sending you major cyber HUGS!!!!!!!

Traci


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## CelticNiamh

Been seeing your FB updates so came looking for you, I so hope your ok :hugs:
feeling down, worrying about the girls at night all normal! I still wake up and check Paul, I do remember lying a wake with my first DS listening to him breath and checking if I couldn't hear him! its a great but scary and worrying time.
I wont repeat what every one else has said but they are right and I agree with whats been said:flower:
Are you still BF do you get up to all the night feeds do you ever get a break at night! I know that's harder when BF! I hope your napping in the day when the girls do! do get out for a walk as well it does help! 

Have you any one to come over and help during the day, I wish I was close I would be there in a heartbeat to help and get a cuddle :flower:

Hope to hear from you soon, big huge (((((HUGS)))) to you and the girls


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