# Birth certificate questions? From the uk.



## Cassie96

So my ex partner, and my baby's dad, was mentally abusive, possessive, has seriously bad anger problems, basically has made my life a living hell since I fell pregnant.
My daughter is 15 days old and baby's dad has seen her three times, he didn't turn up at the birth and doesn't care at all about her or her well being.
He's very violent and can't be trusted on his own, he constantly texts me off unknown numbers calling me names, insulting me, and basically just harassing me.

So I'm registering my daughter tomorrow and I've told him where, the date and time and at first I didn't think he would turn up but now h
I think he will because he asked me again for the details. 
I know there's certain things about the birth certificate like him being on it will automatically give him parental responsibility and I'll need permission off him for taking her out the country for holidays, etc etc. and I know he will make things extremely difficult for me.

Does anybody have anymore information concerning my situation?
And also, if he turns up tomorrow and I decide not to put his name on, what do I have to do, would I have to put it on?


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## Zondon

Hey there, 

I have no advice, but didn't want to read and run. Hope tomorrow goes ok for you and your LO and that you both stay safe... :) 

Zondon


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## Dream.dream

It could go either good or bad if you put him on. 

If you don't put him on you could end up having to get a court order DNA test of you want child support and he can apply for parental right anyways even if he not on the birth certificate . 

Contrary to what people think the name being on the birth certificate has little to do with what rights he gets . If he wants them he has to go to court whether you put him on or not , however I he signs the birth certificate he can't go to court and try and pull the its not mind card with the judge .

In the end its up to you but really the Beth certificates just a piece of paper it has nothing to do with the law about parents rights . 

I would suggest you give baby your last name though


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## teal

I agree that by not having him on the birth certificate it doesn't stop his rights, it just means he can take you to court to get his parental rights. 

My ex isn't on the birth certificate, we have no contact, so on my sons birth certificate there is just a line through the fathers details. I also gave my son my surname, but I would have done that regardless of my ex being around. 

Good luck :hugs:


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## Ceejay123

Even if you don't put him on the birth certificate, he can get it forced on. The way I look at it is always.. I'd hate to have 'unknown' on mine, and I'd certainly blame my mother for it if there was no real reason/it was just for control/fear of sharing. Obviously sometimes there are real reasons not to do it. :) :/ I went through a very possessive time when I had my little one because of the conditions around his birth, I'm still with his dad and even I questioned signing the birth certificate alone as I really couldn't face sharing my son. However 'unknown' is just too upsetting for the child in my eyes.


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## Cassie96

I must of forgotten to include this,
I wont be applying for child maintenance. He's 16 and still at school, so even if I did, I wouldn't get anything.
Also, there's no way he would take me to court, he's not bothered about her and even if he did there's no way a court would give him access, he's too violent, I've kept all threatening messages as well etc etc
X


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## Cassie96

Ceejay123 said:


> Even if you don't put him on the birth certificate, he can get it forced on. The way I look at it is always.. I'd hate to have 'unknown' on mine, and I'd certainly blame my mother for it :/ I went through a very possessive time when I had my little one because of the conditions around his birth, I'm still with his dad and even I questioned signing the birth certificate alone as I really couldn't face sharing my son. However 'unknown' is just too upsetting for the child in my eyes.

Although it would say unknown I would never not tell my child who her father was, when she's old enough and starts asking questions, I will tell her and tell her about everything he did to us both. I will let her make her own mind up when she's older but as for whilst she's a child, I'm not happy with giving him parental responsibility, he can't look after himself so how can he look after a screaming baby?


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## Ceejay123

Cassie96 said:


> Ceejay123 said:
> 
> 
> Even if you don't put him on the birth certificate, he can get it forced on. The way I look at it is always.. I'd hate to have 'unknown' on mine, and I'd certainly blame my mother for it :/ I went through a very possessive time when I had my little one because of the conditions around his birth, I'm still with his dad and even I questioned signing the birth certificate alone as I really couldn't face sharing my son. However 'unknown' is just too upsetting for the child in my eyes.
> 
> Although it would say unknown I would never not tell my child who her father was, when she's old enough and starts asking questions, I will tell her and tell her about everything he did to us both. I will let her make her own mind up when she's older but as for whilst she's a child, I'm not happy with giving him parental responsibility, he can't look after himself so how can he look after a screaming baby?Click to expand...

I get what you mean. If you're sure he's not bothered and wouldn't take you to court then it's up to you honey :) with being a student he's entitled to legal aid and could.

In what way was he violent sweetie? It's extremely rare for a guy not to be given access. Though with bad violence it's sometimes supervised. I guess if he's that bothered he could get his name forced on (would take him 18 months or so which proves hes bothered) x


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## Cassie96

Ceejay123 said:


> Cassie96 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ceejay123 said:
> 
> 
> Even if you don't put him on the birth certificate, he can get it forced on. The way I look at it is always.. I'd hate to have 'unknown' on mine, and I'd certainly blame my mother for it :/ I went through a very possessive time when I had my little one because of the conditions around his birth, I'm still with his dad and even I questioned signing the birth certificate alone as I really couldn't face sharing my son. However 'unknown' is just too upsetting for the child in my eyes.
> 
> Although it would say unknown I would never not tell my child who her father was, when she's old enough and starts asking questions, I will tell her and tell her about everything he did to us both. I will let her make her own mind up when she's older but as for whilst she's a child, I'm not happy with giving him parental responsibility, he can't look after himself so how can he look after a screaming baby?Click to expand...
> 
> I get what you mean. If you're sure he's not bothered and wouldn't take you to court then it's up to you honey :) with being a student he's entitled to legal aid and could.
> 
> In what way was he violent sweetie? It's extremely rare for a guy not to be given access. Though with bad violence it's sometimes supervised. I guess if he's that bothered he could get his name forced on (would take him 18 months or so which proves hes bothered) xClick to expand...

Not violent to me exactly, but violent as in he's smashed his parent house up time after time, punching holes in door, smashing windows, all whilst i was pregnant and in the same room.
he just flipps his lid really quickly if you say something he doesn't like, I was always terrified that he would eventually turn on me as he used to blame it all on me, say it was my fault etc etc.


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## Ceejay123

Court would probably still give him access under those conditions, if he wanted it. It all comes down to the judge on the day, but if he has no criminal record for domestic violence (as he never hit you) and no drug problems etc, they'd probably grant him access. But, as you said.. You don't think he'd take you to court.

You could always leave him off it, see if he proves himself, then add him at a later date if he deserves it x


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## lovejoy

If his on the birth ceritcate doesn't mean he can stop you taking her on holiday without his permission, my ex told me this too and I was scare but the police told me it's a load of crap. If you took her on holiday and he didn't like it they'd do nothing but it works the other away around too. They would only get involved if you up sticks and left the country for good with her. 

I would cancel the appointment and registered her alone, yes he can take you to court, but men like that often don't bother. Save yourself years of headache and worry everytime he takes her for a walk worrying if he'll return or try and scare you with threat etc. I won't stop him seeing baby just yet unless he was dangerous but I would really think about if you want him on the document


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## Dezireey

It doesn't say 'unknown' on a UK Birth Certificate, unless you actually request that to be put on there. That actually implies that the Mother actually has no idea who the father is, so that is why they don't (and shouldn't) be putting that on any UK issued Birth Certs anymore. It is just left blank by the registrar. I colour scanned mine and typed in his Dad's name and details on the copy and then attached it to the original. My FOB just refused to attend or have his name on it.

There are two parts to the UK Birth Cert. The first one, which is the official document, which is mostly used, just states where you were born, it doesn't have the Mother's name on it, it is just a registration of your offical birth date and place etc. The second document has the details of mother and father on it and like I said, if the father does not attend or give permission for the registration, that space is just left blank. 

I also don't think that as an adult most people will blame their Mum for his/her Dad's name not being on their birth cert. I am sure hun, there are loads of instances where its simply not viable and more often than not, its not the Mum's fault and she is protecting her kids or simply (like me) had no choice.


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## Mummy1995

My FOB isn't on her bc. I emailed him the details and got no reply. He then moaned saying I didn't email him but I have proof! My biggest worry is if on bc and you give LO to them for a visit then they legally do not have to give them back and you'd have to go to court and fight for that x


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## Dream.dream

Mummy1995 said:


> My FOB isn't on her bc. I emailed him the details and got no reply. He then moaned saying I didn't email him but I have proof! My biggest worry is if on bc and you give LO to them for a visit then they legally do not have to give them back and you'd have to go to court and fight for that x

Unless your married that's not 100% true . Unless uou were married or living common law then its not assumed that dad is a guardian or has joint custody so if he wouldn't give the child back its still parental kidnapping. It's just a fear tactic people spread


Ideally all single moms should go to court and get child support( even if he's making no money set up the order and when he does start worki g it will be in place) , custody , guardianship and visitation sorted out. Right of the bat so there's no problems later .


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## teal

Dezireey said:


> It doesn't say 'unknown' on a UK Birth Certificate, unless you actually request that to be put on there. That actually implies that the Mother actually has no idea who the father is, so that is why they don't (and shouldn't) be putting that on any UK issued Birth Certs anymore. It is just left blank by the registrar. I colour scanned mine and typed in his Dad's name and details on the copy and then attached it to the original. My FOB just refused to attend or have his name on it.
> 
> There are two parts to the UK Birth Cert. The first one, which is the official document, which is mostly used, just states where you were born, it doesn't have the Mother's name on it, it is just a registration of your offical birth date and place etc. The second document has the details of mother and father on it and like I said, if the father does not attend or give permission for the registration, that space is just left blank.
> 
> I also don't think that as an adult most people will blame their Mum for his/her Dad's name not being on their birth cert. I am sure hun, there are loads of instances where its simply not viable and more often than not, its not the Mum's fault and she is protecting her kids or simply (like me) had no choice.

Thanks for this. Reading someone would blame their mother made me feel awful. It was out of my control since my ex wasn't in contact so I couldn't have him on the birth certificate even if I'd wanted to.

I'd like to think the person who would blame her mother would find out the circumstances first before assuming the father is the innocent party.


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