# Any divorced moms or soon to be?



## Jenny Bean

Are there any divorced moms or soon to be of young children that are or have gone through a divorce.

Can anyone tell me about the custody arrangement or struggles you are going through and your work or living arrangements. Meaning are you a stay at home mom or not and if you live out side of the city your ex resides in?

Thank you.


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## Laylagirl

I saw your post in another section so I came to find it here... I have two children from a previous marriage.. we have been apart since my kids were 3 and under 1... it was pretty difficult.. and I have to say that the whole custody thing depends entirely on how you and your ex can be around each other... do you have a decent relationship that you can co parent and get along? In my case we did not. So my ex fought me on everything. It was more about hurting me than it was about actually wanting the kids.. we have joint custody.. but I have primary.. I have them 4 days out of the week and he has three. It's always difficult with him. So it's all up to how you both can make it. You can have a great conoarebting relationship if you both want it... I do try with my ex so we can get along with the kids... I invite him to spend holidays with our family... or to children's birthday parties... but he just thinks he is so much better than my husband and I... the girls are now 14 and 11. And I have since remarried and having my 5th child with my current husband... it does get better though... it just takes time and effort... I hope this helps a little.... if not, just offers you one side of the way custody can go for someone.. because every situation is different..


Also, i was a stay at home mom at the time of my divorce... and my ex made it really difficult for me to have a job... he didn't want to pay child support, but he expected me to stay home with the kids for the four days I had them and NOT work... completely unrealistic... I work in my marriage now, and my ex still expects me to stay home with the kids while they're with me.... he's a real piece of work..


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## Jenny Bean

thank you so much for responding.
I haven't made up my mind yet but my husband is an angry guys and has outbursts of verbal abuse at least once a week.

So needless to say I don't want him around her a lot if we split but I will probably be moving 30-40 mins away from him to be with my family and I might consider staying home with her until she is school age if that is the case.

So many things to think about but I worry these outbursts are very bad for her but also worry that if I break up a marriage it will be harmful to her also.


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## Beanonorder

I'm not divorced yet but we are separated and have been for quite a while. I live in China with the kids and he now lives back in South Africa. I totally support the kids on my own. We do still have an amicable relationship despite everything. But he knows I get the final say in everything. When we get divorced I will have sole custody. Living abroad makes it necessary and I also feel if I have to support them and raise them on my own then why should he have an equal say. 
The emotional outbursts have a huge effect on kids so don't stay just because you think it might be better. It's not worth it.


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## Jenny Bean

Thank you I am my wits end but if he gets my daughter I will be devastated! I cant handle his attitude or outbursts any longer!


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## Jenny Bean

Has anyone been through a divorce with a small child.
How to you retain primary custody, do you see a lawyer or file the paperwork on your own?
How do you keep things civil?
How do you keep your child from hating you (even if your walking away from an unhealthy situation)!


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## Kelwar

Im a divorced mom. My LO is almost 4 and her father and I separated right after her first bday. My ex was an emotionally abusive piece of work. Most of the time he just had mild comments but now we go through my mom for anything serious. Also, he moved a couple states away with his new wife. I have our daughter primarily while he got her for 6 weeks in the summer. I was so paranoid but his new wife is also a mom so knowing she was there helped me a ton


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## Jenny Bean

Kelwar said:


> Im a divorced mom. My LO is almost 4 and her father and I separated right after her first bday. My ex was an emotionally abusive piece of work. Most of the time he just had mild comments but now we go through my mom for anything serious. Also, he moved a couple states away with his new wife. I have our daughter primarily while he got her for 6 weeks in the summer. I was so paranoid but his new wife is also a mom so knowing she was there helped me a ton

Thanks for this! I wonder if your situation was anything like mine currently is? Its so hard to know what to do. I go back and forth all the time on what the best decision is for me and my daughter.


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## New_Start

Jenny Bean said:


> Are there any divorced moms or soon to be of young children that are or have gone through a divorce.
> 
> Can anyone tell me about the custody arrangement or struggles you are going through and your work or living arrangements. Meaning are you a stay at home mom or not and if you live out side of the city your ex resides in?
> 
> Thank you.

Here here! Just made the decision yesterday! I'm going to make a post soon about it all. :cry: Having the worst time of my life right now but I cannot wait for it all to be over.


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## Jenny Bean

New_Start said:


> Jenny Bean said:
> 
> 
> Are there any divorced moms or soon to be of young children that are or have gone through a divorce.
> 
> Can anyone tell me about the custody arrangement or struggles you are going through and your work or living arrangements. Meaning are you a stay at home mom or not and if you live out side of the city your ex resides in?
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> Here here! Just made the decision yesterday! I'm going to make a post soon about it all. :cry: Having the worst time of my life right now but I cannot wait for it all to be over.Click to expand...

Oh please post soon, I want to read all about it.... I need to figure my shite out soon!


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## drcaldwel

Hi! How is everything going now? I'm not a divorced mom or soon-to-be but I have a close friend who is. She just divorced her husband and trying to figure out what to do with her life. Her husband was an awful man to live with and she applied for a divorce online. They have a kid and her ex-husband agreed that their daughter needs to stay with mom. She moved in a separate house with their little daughter and she's going to find a job. She has difficulties with finding a job that's possible to combine with taking care of a little kid.


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## Jenny Bean

drcaldwel said:


> Hi! How is everything going now? I'm not a divorced mom or soon-to-be but I have a close friend who is. She just divorced her husband and trying to figure out what to do with her life. Her husband was an awful man to live with and she applied for a divorce online. They have a kid and her ex-husband agreed that their daughter needs to stay with mom. She moved in a separate house with their little daughter and she's going to find a job. She has difficulties with finding a job that's possible to combine with taking care of a little kid.

I am dealing with pretty much the same issues as always... My LO has been ill this last week and he has been terrible....


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## Proserpina

Hi Jenny Bean, 

I started posting on BnB about 5 years ago, while I was pregnant with my youngest, thinking I was happily married to my best friend of ~10 years. 

He effectively abandoned me while I was pregnant. I later learned he was a cheating piece of dog crap. 

I was fortunate in the divorce in that we were very poor with few assets, so we both just wanted the divorce over with as fast as possible. Plus I told him I would file for at-fault divorce for adultery and depose his mistress if he didn't give me everything I wanted, so he did. (His mistress dumped him before the divorce was final, so his sacrifice was for nothing.)

The salvation of my sanity has been "no contact." For years I have been extremely firm with him that his problems are not my problems, that he fired me from caring about his problems when he cheated. That if he isn't contacting me to discuss visitation or child support, he shouldn't be contacting me at all. 

My husband was also verbally abusive and told me I was "disgusting" and "repulsive" and that I "make [him] miserable." He held up my then-9-month-old son when I was drowning in postpartum depression and said, "Do you see this here? THIS is the only reason I have anything to do with you." I cut myself off from him to shut that s*** down. He doesn't even try it anymore. 

XH has gradually become less and less involved in the children's lives. For the first time in 3+ years, he paid only a fraction of the full child support amount in March and nothing at all in April. Last week he announced to me that he's moving out-of-state to Indianapolis on May 15th. I say good riddance (and his older daughter wants nothing to do with him, either). 

He refuses to tell me where he'll be working or living because he thinks he can dodge child support enforcement. I've already got a good idea of where he'll be working and have opened a ticket with child support services. Wish I could see the look on his face when his new boss pulls him aside to let him know they've received a garnishment order!

Anyhow, things do get better. Hang in there.


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## Jenny Bean

Proserpina said:


> Hi Jenny Bean,
> 
> I started posting on BnB about 5 years ago, while I was pregnant with my youngest, thinking I was happily married to my best friend of ~10 years.
> 
> He effectively abandoned me while I was pregnant. I later learned he was a cheating piece of dog crap.
> 
> I was fortunate in the divorce in that we were very poor with few assets, so we both just wanted the divorce over with as fast as possible. Plus I told him I would file for at-fault divorce for adultery and depose his mistress if he didn't give me everything I wanted, so he did. (His mistress dumped him before the divorce was final, so his sacrifice was for nothing.)
> 
> The salvation of my sanity has been "no contact." For years I have been extremely firm with him that his problems are not my problems, that he fired me from caring about his problems when he cheated. That if he isn't contacting me to discuss visitation or child support, he shouldn't be contacting me at all.
> 
> My husband was also verbally abusive and told me I was "disgusting" and "repulsive" and that I "make [him] miserable." He held up my then-9-month-old son when I was drowning in postpartum depression and said, "Do you see this here? THIS is the only reason I have anything to do with you." I cut myself off from him to shut that s*** down. He doesn't even try it anymore.
> 
> XH has gradually become less and less involved in the children's lives. For the first time in 3+ years, he paid only a fraction of the full child support amount in March and nothing at all in April. Last week he announced to me that he's moving out-of-state to Indianapolis on May 15th. I say good riddance (and his older daughter wants nothing to do with him, either).
> 
> He refuses to tell me where he'll be working or living because he thinks he can dodge child support enforcement. I've already got a good idea of where he'll be working and have opened a ticket with child support services. Wish I could see the look on his face when his new boss pulls him aside to let him know they've received a garnishment order!
> 
> Anyhow, things do get better. Hang in there.

Sorry I am just reading this now.
Sorry for your troubles, it sounds like you are in a much better spot now!
Good for you for actually making the decision to leave


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