# Gender disapointment...



## xloulabellex

_(Don't know if this is the right forum to post on but I didn't know where else to post... Apologies if it isn't..)_

Don't judge or hate me on this post, I hate myself enough to be honest..

I was dying for a little girl, I always wanted a little girl.. I always joked when I was younger "eww I don't want a BOY! if it's a boy, it's going back up!!!"

Anyway, surprise surprise, i'm having a little boy.

I was smiley during the gender scan, my OH cried he was so happy.. he is over the moon. I smiled at him. Held his hand. Smiled the 45 min drive home. Smiled whilst we were back at the flat, whilst he got ready to go to football.... the moment he stepped out the door, I burst into floods of tears.

I curled up in a ball, and cried.

I hate myself for being so selfish. But I hate boys clothes, I hate blue, I hate f*cking cars, trucks, trains, transformers... I love girlie stuff.

I've tried so HARD to overcome it.. I finally admitted to my OH how I was feeling, he told me to stop being negative, and that he didn't really understand.. "it's our baby.. I don't care what it is, it's OURS.. you shouldn't either babe. Sorry but I don't understand, no." - he said that after I basically cried over the "boys toys" adverts on TV.

I've tried .. and tried.. I've bought some boys clothes that weren't blue.. like little tigger ones, little green one with frogs on... i've started to make a scrap book for my little one.. stuck in pictures of scan photos, hoping i'll get over it and start getting excited. Putting little Harley's name on my signature on here, calling him Harley when I rub my belly.. FORCING myself to get over it.

I'm not.

Two of my friends are due baby girls, a few of my friends already have girls and post photos all over facebook of their babies in pink dresses and stuff "Going to take my little Poppy swimming today".. and bottom line? It's breaking my heart to read.

Struggling so much. I WANT to get over this.. but i'm not sure I will..

I'm so lost.

Anyone else relate? Or am I just coming across as a selfish bitch who should be greatful for even being pregnant? (which I SHOULD be since I've had an eating disorder for years and didn't think I was even fertile so was amazing news to find i'm pregnant)


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## Dragonfly

sounds like hormones are not helping here either. I cant relate though as I was happy with whatever I had . I did want a girl second time but was thrilled at a boy to. I think when you see your baby you will feel differently? maybe try and change your way of thinking and i dont mean to sound nasty but be more thankful.


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## xloulabellex

Dragonfly said:


> sounds like hormones are not helping here either. I cant relate though as I was happy with whatever I had . I did want a girl second time but was thrilled at a boy to. I think when you see your baby you will feel differently? maybe try and change your way of thinking and i dont mean to sound nasty but be more thankful.

Hopefully.

I tried that, OH said to me to try and think of all the positives.. which I have tried, but doesn't seem to have made much difference to be honest. x


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## success777

Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant


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## xloulabellex

success777 said:


> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant

I appreciate that, and like I said.. I KNOW I should be thankful, doesn't make things easier though does it.

I AM thankful that i've got a little one..


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## Andypanda6570

success777 said:


> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant

I think that is a little harsh, but I do understand your point :hugs::hugs:
I have 3 boys 20 17 and 11 and got pregnant accidentally at age 40 and yes I did want a girl and I would have been upset if I didn't get one and never in a million years did I ever think I would, It was a girl, my Ava :kiss::kiss:
Sadly I lost her at 18 and half weeks, i gave birth to her in my home :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: Next time I get pregnant if I do i don't care what my little peanut is as long as he/she is healthy. Your feelings are normal and don't be upset by them, but when you loss a baby after that gender goes out the window, your to busy worrying about keeping that little peanut safe.
Good luck to you and don't feel bad for feeling your feelings..
XOXOXOXO ANDREA :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## xloulabellex

Andypanda6570 said:


> success777 said:
> 
> 
> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant
> 
> I think that is a little harsh, but I do understand your point :hugs::hugs:
> I have 3 boys 20 17 and 11 and got pregnant accidentally at age 40 and yes I did want a girl and I would have been upset if I didn't get one and never in a million years did I ever think I would, It was a girl, my Ava :kiss::kiss:
> Sadly I lost her at 18 and half weeks, i gave birth to her in my home :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: Next time I get pregnant if I do i don't care what my little peanut is as long as he/she is healthy. Your feelings are normal and don't be upset by them, but when you loss a baby after that gender goes out the window, your to busy worrying about keeping that little peanut safe.
> Good luck to you and don't feel bad for feeling your feelings..
> XOXOXOXO ANDREA :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

I have read your story actually *hugs* you are amazingly strong :)

Thank you for the support and not making me feel even smaller.

I appreciate what you/they are saying though.

Good luck with your next pregnancy (if one occurs) sounds like you're an amazing mum already :) :hugs: xxx


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## oldmamamia

it took me about 2wks after my gender scan to stop crying and accept my baby was a boy, on one hand i felt so selfish that i felt so strongly about not wanting a boy, the baby was healthy thats all that mattered right but i couldnt help i soooo wanted a girl, hubby didnt understand and got really annoyed with me, i felt the disapointment all through my pregnancy although it did get better towards the end and of course the moment he was born i fell head over heals in love with him, but i do understand how you are feeling although many mums wont, i still look lovingly at the baby girls section when im shopping i cant help it but i wouldnt change charlie for the world, ive already got a son and daughter and now charlie so at least ive got my girl but i really would have loved another. hope you feel more positive soon xxx


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## somebody

Its 50 / 50 what we deliver. Don't beat yourself up for what your feeling and don't push yourself too much to feel what other believe you should be.

I believe that the day you deliver your little boy you will be hit with emotion and this will seem like a silly insignificant.

Also not all girls like pink and doing girly things as they grow up, they get an attitiude at a very young age and are so bloody independant it can drive you up the wall. I have a 7 year old. My 4 year old son is the cuddly one who gonna marry mummy -I'm happy with that! LOL

Please just chill out and enjoy your pregnancy. :flower:


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## xloulabellex

oldmamamia said:


> it took me about 2wks after my gender scan to stop crying and accept my baby was a boy, on one hand i felt so selfish that i felt so strongly about not wanting a boy, the baby was healthy thats all that mattered right but i couldnt help i soooo wanted a girl, hubby didnt understand and got really annoyed with me, i felt the disapointment all through my pregnancy although it did get better towards the end and of course the moment he was born i fell head over heals in love with him, but i do understand how you are feeling although many mums wont, i still look lovingly at the baby girls section when im shopping i cant help it but i wouldnt change charlie for the world, ive already got a son and daughter and now charlie so at least ive got my girl but i really would have loved another. hope you feel more positive soon xxx

Thank you for this, it's very reassuring and i'm glad you can relate (although, i'm NOT glad, if you get me lol!)

Thank you for the words of support, just want it to hurry up so I can meet him and fall in love :) xxx


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## xloulabellex

somebody said:


> Its 50 / 50 what we deliver. Don't beat yourself up for what your feeling and don't push yourself too much to feel what other believe you should be.
> 
> I believe that the day you deliver your little boy you will be hit with emotion and this will seem like a silly insignificant.
> 
> Also not all girls like pink and doing girly things as they grow up, they get an attitiude at a very young age and are so bloody independant it can drive you up the wall. I have a 7 year old. My 4 year old son is the cuddly one who gonna marry mummy -I'm happy with that! LOL
> 
> Please just chill out and enjoy your pregnancy. :flower:

Haha thanks :) I hear boys are more affectionate so looking forward to that :)

<3


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## Dragonfly

I have 2 boys and they are truly wonderful. They love each other to. You can get nice stuff for boys to I see they do more and more now a days. I hunt them out the nice stuff :) my other half is glad as he dosnt have to lock them away he was so worried if it was a girl about her getting boyfriends in future lol mighty over protective.


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## oldmamamia

xloulabellex said:


> oldmamamia said:
> 
> 
> it took me about 2wks after my gender scan to stop crying and accept my baby was a boy, on one hand i felt so selfish that i felt so strongly about not wanting a boy, the baby was healthy thats all that mattered right but i couldnt help i soooo wanted a girl, hubby didnt understand and got really annoyed with me, i felt the disapointment all through my pregnancy although it did get better towards the end and of course the moment he was born i fell head over heals in love with him, but i do understand how you are feeling although many mums wont, i still look lovingly at the baby girls section when im shopping i cant help it but i wouldnt change charlie for the world, ive already got a son and daughter and now charlie so at least ive got my girl but i really would have loved another. hope you feel more positive soon xxx
> 
> Thank you for this, it's very reassuring and i'm glad you can relate (although, i'm NOT glad, if you get me lol!)
> 
> Thank you for the words of support, just want it to hurry up so I can meet him and fall in love :) xxxClick to expand...

you will i promise x i joke to hubby that when he goes to work i dress charlie in a nice pink dress, not sure if he belives me but he doesnt find it funny in the slightest!


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## xloulabellex

Dragonfly said:


> I have 2 boys and they are truly wonderful. They love each other to. You can get nice stuff for boys to I see they do more and more now a days. I hunt them out the nice stuff :) my other half is glad as he dosnt have to lock them away he was so worried if it was a girl about her getting boyfriends in future lol mighty over protective.

Haha bless him!

On the plus - i'm still the only lady in my OHs life and don't have to fight for that twinkle in his eye right? haha


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## xloulabellex

oldmamamia said:


> xloulabellex said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> oldmamamia said:
> 
> 
> it took me about 2wks after my gender scan to stop crying and accept my baby was a boy, on one hand i felt so selfish that i felt so strongly about not wanting a boy, the baby was healthy thats all that mattered right but i couldnt help i soooo wanted a girl, hubby didnt understand and got really annoyed with me, i felt the disapointment all through my pregnancy although it did get better towards the end and of course the moment he was born i fell head over heals in love with him, but i do understand how you are feeling although many mums wont, i still look lovingly at the baby girls section when im shopping i cant help it but i wouldnt change charlie for the world, ive already got a son and daughter and now charlie so at least ive got my girl but i really would have loved another. hope you feel more positive soon xxx
> 
> Thank you for this, it's very reassuring and i'm glad you can relate (although, i'm NOT glad, if you get me lol!)
> 
> Thank you for the words of support, just want it to hurry up so I can meet him and fall in love :) xxxClick to expand...
> 
> you will i promise x i joke to hubby that when he goes to work i dress charlie in a nice pink dress, not sure if he belives me but he doesnt find it funny in the slightest!Click to expand...

hahah aww! I joke with my OH that our little Harley will be the next Billy Elliott. He isn't impressed. LOL! x


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## mrsf1234

its sounds dramatic but try and imagine how you would feel if the pregnancy ended. i'm sure you would be devastated and realise how much you love the little bump, blue or pink.

and you never know what personality they will have. he may not be into cars and trucks or anything. my friends son is into painting and dancing and is veyr sensitive!!
x


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## xloulabellex

mrsf1234 said:


> its sounds dramatic but try and imagine how you would feel if the pregnancy ended. i'm sure you would be devastated and realise how much you love the little bump, blue or pink.
> 
> and you never know what personality they will have. he may not be into cars and trucks or anything. my friends son is into painting and dancing and is veyr sensitive!!
> x

Yeh, I would be devastated.

true, painting is always good :) x


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## ravenmel

success777 said:


> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant at least your healthy to get pregnant

Comments like this are not at all helpful.

Anyway, it is a real thing, many women feel this way. Did you ever see the show '8 Boys and Wanting a Girl' (you can watch it on youtube or channel 4 online). The show was all about gender disappointment, and there are other forums about this kind of thing. I research it a lot when I was pregnant because I was really scared of having a boy. Before I got pregnant I didn't care about the gender and the out of nowhere this overwhelming desire to have a girl hit me. I'd get angry inside when everyone said "oh I bet it's a boy". My oh really wanted a boy like many men do. We ended up having a girl but I knew when I saw the baby I would have been happy boy or girl.

My oh was like you smiled at the gender scan and stuff, but I know he was a bit disappointed that his dreams of having a boy had gone, don't get me wrong he loves our girl but his in to mountain climbing, motor bikes,cars, tattoos and football but has adapted well to pink, fairies and love hearts and you well adapt to team blue and love your baby boy more then anything just wait until you see him.


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## xloulabellex

ravenmel said:


> success777 said:
> 
> 
> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant at least your healthy to get pregnant
> 
> Comments like this are not at all helpful.
> 
> Anyway, it is a real thing, many women feel this way. Did you ever see the show '8 Boys and Wanting a Girl' (you can watch it on youtube or channel 4 online). The show was all about gender disappointment, and there are other forums about this kind of thing. I research it a lot when I was pregnant because I was really scared of having a boy. Before I got pregnant I didn't care about the gender and the out of nowhere this overwhelming desire to have a girl hit me. I'd get angry inside when everyone said "oh I bet it's a boy". My oh really wanted a boy like many men do. We ended up having a girl but I knew when I saw the baby I would have been happy boy or girl.
> 
> My oh was like you smiled at the gender scan and stuff, but I know he was a bit disappointed that his dreams of having a boy had gone, don't get me wrong he loves our girl but his in to mountain climbing, motor bikes,cars, tattoos and football but has adapted well to pink, fairies and love hearts and you well adapt to team blue and love your baby boy more then anything just wait until you see him.Click to expand...

No I haven't, i'll look it up on YouTube.

Thank you for this, I guess it must be harder for a bloke to adapt to pink so if he can.. I can.

just want it to hurry up so I can meet him, and forget all of this.

x


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## 17thy

Oh don't feel bad. I always wanted a little boy, and I had all the signs of a boy, carrying low, yada yada, the ultrasound tech even mentioned how low I was carrying. But alas she was a girl. I was still amazed and cried from happiness at seeing her move around on screen, but yeah, disappointed she wasn't a boy. Now I can't even imagine having a boy, wtf would I do!? lol. My husband was more disappointed than me, and he is head over heels with his little girl now haha. It really seems important to some people, but when they are out you are gonna be too busy falling in love with them to even notice whether they are a boy or girl. And of course you can always try again next time!


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## Carrie&Char

ahh bless try not to worry, i always though out LO was going to be a boy and internet shopped on loads of sites for little funky boys stuff and when we had a scan i could swear i saw something butt now we have a girl and would not have it any other way. 

I think when the day comes and you see your little one it will all be ok, maybe try looking at it different as he might be into dolls and dancing and hate cars trucks and trains,


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## Dragonfly

Maybe have a look at things to get for boys, baby boy pics even ask here what people are like with boys and get you excited?I think you will get excited in time though maybe just the initial shock and hormones can make you hang on to things to.


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## Odd Socks

*hugs*
when i was pregnant with bella, i found out at my 20 week scan because i was worried i'd feel a bit sad if i was having a boy. not _because_ of having a boy, but because i wanted a girl (i think this will make sense to anyone who has worried about / suffered gender disappointment).
i can't imagine what emotions are going through you, having found out you're going to have a wee boy because bella obviously was a girl. i know though, that i would have had a few tears in secret if she'd been a boy, & i didn't want to be feeling that way at birth.
focus on the fact now that you still have the rest of your pregnancy to get excited about meeting your son, do what others have suggested & think about all the positives to having a little boy :)
xx


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## snowfia

When I first found out I was a bit disappointed as I had talked about having a boy with OH for ages etc so I had my heart set on that.
But now I'm just happy I have a healthy baby and I wouldn't change anything for the world.
Just remember, once you see LO, you will fall in love with him.
Also, if you don't like all the blue things you could always get unisex stuff?


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## sofiasmommy

I think the "be thankful" posts arent very helpful, and definitely dont try and force yourself to be happy. accepting your feelings is the first step to getting over them! this is your first pregnancy? well your second one may very well be a girl! And also, i think its extremely likely that you will fall in love with your little boy when he is born and you get to hold him :D. And btw, i have a girl, but it she into anything girly? no! she plays with trucks and mud and loves blue, and it really doesnt matter as long as she's happy! i hope you come to terms with having a little boy because children are always a blessing :D


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## Dragonfly

I think she is very brave saying this out to all as a lot of woman have felt this. As Sofiasmommy said there getting the feelings out is the best way to get past them to the next step. Update this thread with how you feel as you go along I have a feeling things will get better from here on in.


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## sofiasmommy

Dragonfly said:


> I think she is very brave saying this out to all as a lot of woman have felt this. As Sofiasmommy said there getting the feelings out is the best way to get past them to the next step. *Update this thread with how you feel as you go along *I have a feeling things will get better from here on in.



Pretty good idea! :thumbup:


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## BradysMum

My Mum wanted a girlie girl, but she got me as her only daughter. I was a tomboy who liked to play cars and rugby with my brother. I used to love climbing trees and building stuff. My favourite colour is blue and I don't wear makeup. I'm having a girl now and I don't know what I'm going to do if shes a girlie girl, because I have no idea about that sort of stuff!! 

It's good that you have admitted to your disappointment, it's all part of dealing with it. I struggle to understand because I can't relate but to you what you are feeling is very real. Your feelings for a girl may still continue when you baby is born but you will also fall completely and utterly in love with your beautiful baby boy. Plus as someone else said, your next baby may be a girl, and then she will have a big brother to look after her!


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## tinkerbelle93

Don't worry hun, it's totally normal to feel this way! At the end of the day though, people seem to have a preference towards little girls for all the superficial reasons.. cute outfits, dressing up, pink things etc. etc. At the end of the day there's only so many years when you can indulge in all that sort of stuff before they're big and too old. And not all little girls are pink-loving princesses either, some prefer to play with trucks! I'm having a little boy and find all the baby-boy stuff is just as cute- I've bought tons of gorgeous outfits for him and done up his nursery perfectly, you can have just as much fun with having a boy as having a girl- you just miss out on having everything pink and purple. 

Once your little boy is born all these feelings will just instantly disappear and become a distant memory- I definitely think hormones play a massive role in the feelings we have during pregnancy. And don't feel guilty either, I think gender disappointment effects more women than those who admit to it. :flower:xx


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## xloulabellex

snowfia said:


> When I first found out I was a bit disappointed as I had talked about having a boy with OH for ages etc so I had my heart set on that.
> But now I'm just happy I have a healthy baby and I wouldn't change anything for the world.
> Just remember, once you see LO, you will fall in love with him.
> Also, if you don't like all the blue things you could always get unisex stuff?

Majority of everything we have so far is neutural/unisex :)

I've banned anything thomas the tank engine and everyone seems pretty supportive hehe


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## xloulabellex

sofiasmommy said:


> I think the "be thankful" posts arent very helpful, and definitely dont try and force yourself to be happy. accepting your feelings is the first step to getting over them! this is your first pregnancy? well your second one may very well be a girl! And also, i think its extremely likely that you will fall in love with your little boy when he is born and you get to hold him :D. And btw, i have a girl, but it she into anything girly? no! she plays with trucks and mud and loves blue, and it really doesnt matter as long as she's happy! i hope you come to terms with having a little boy because children are always a blessing :D

That's a very good point, I didnt think of it.. accepting it first to get over it. Thank you.!

Yeh it's my first.

Haha really? n'awww bless her!

Thank you :) xx


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## xloulabellex

Dragonfly said:


> I think she is very brave saying this out to all as a lot of woman have felt this. As Sofiasmommy said there getting the feelings out is the best way to get past them to the next step. Update this thread with how you feel as you go along I have a feeling things will get better from here on in.

I will do, thank you for the support girls x


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## tinkerbelle93

xloulabellex said:


> snowfia said:
> 
> 
> When I first found out I was a bit disappointed as I had talked about having a boy with OH for ages etc so I had my heart set on that.
> But now I'm just happy I have a healthy baby and I wouldn't change anything for the world.
> Just remember, once you see LO, you will fall in love with him.
> Also, if you don't like all the blue things you could always get unisex stuff?
> 
> Majority of everything we have so far is neutural/unisex :)
> 
> I've banned anything thomas the tank engine and everyone seems pretty supportive heheClick to expand...

Haha I'm gonna ban Thomas too I hate it! xx


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## xloulabellex

BradysMum said:


> My Mum wanted a girlie girl, but she got me as her only daughter. I was a tomboy who liked to play cars and rugby with my brother. I used to love climbing trees and building stuff. My favourite colour is blue and I don't wear makeup. I'm having a girl now and I don't know what I'm going to do if shes a girlie girl, because I have no idea about that sort of stuff!!
> 
> It's good that you have admitted to your disappointment, it's all part of dealing with it. I struggle to understand because I can't relate but to you what you are feeling is very real. Your feelings for a girl may still continue when you baby is born but you will also fall completely and utterly in love with your beautiful baby boy. Plus as someone else said, your next baby may be a girl, and then she will have a big brother to look after her!

Aww really? Reassuring to know not everyone is a steriotype, just cos I am doesn't mean every girl is girlie/boy is boystrous!

x


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## xloulabellex

tinkerbelle93 said:


> Don't worry hun, it's totally normal to feel this way! At the end of the day though, people seem to have a preference towards little girls for all the superficial reasons.. cute outfits, dressing up, pink things etc. etc. At the end of the day there's only so many years when you can indulge in all that sort of stuff before they're big and too old. And not all little girls are pink-loving princesses either, some prefer to play with trucks! I'm having a little boy and find all the baby-boy stuff is just as cute- I've bought tons of gorgeous outfits for him and done up his nursery perfectly, you can have just as much fun with having a boy as having a girl- you just miss out on having everything pink and purple.
> 
> Once your little boy is born all these feelings will just instantly disappear and become a distant memory- I definitely think hormones play a massive role in the feelings we have during pregnancy. And don't feel guilty either, I think gender disappointment effects more women than those who admit to it. :flower:xx

Thank you so much for the support, I agree - I think it does too. My friend found out she was having a girl and was gutted as she wanted a boy.. but now wouldn't change her for the world so it IS reassuring.. just a pain I seem so far from the "end product" as i'm only 19+ weeks.

It IS nice to do up the nursery regardless of it being neurtral :) xxx


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## xloulabellex

tinkerbelle93 said:


> xloulabellex said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> snowfia said:
> 
> 
> When I first found out I was a bit disappointed as I had talked about having a boy with OH for ages etc so I had my heart set on that.
> But now I'm just happy I have a healthy baby and I wouldn't change anything for the world.
> Just remember, once you see LO, you will fall in love with him.
> Also, if you don't like all the blue things you could always get unisex stuff?
> 
> Majority of everything we have so far is neutural/unisex :)
> 
> I've banned anything thomas the tank engine and everyone seems pretty supportive heheClick to expand...
> 
> Haha I'm gonna ban Thomas too I hate it! xxClick to expand...

haha! :) xxx


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## BleedingBlack

After two girls, when I got pregnant with my son, it was a shock to my system and honestly took a bit to set in before I got excited. I wouldnt trade him for the world. He's amazing and such a sweetheart. Given I'm on child #4 everyone assumed I'd want 2 girls and 2 boys but honestly...I didnt want that at all. I wanted my son to be the only boy and he is.


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## Futuremommy1

I so wanted a boy!!! I had outfits picked out and names and was looking forward to playing tag football and watching him grow to be like his daddy...then the ob said "it's a girl" and DH was video taping the ultrasound so you hear me distinctly moan and groan and say "well this just sucks!" 

That was a week ago and I'm still not completely excited about having a girl and I even have it in the back of my mind that we could be wrong and a little boy pops out...I doubt it but I still think it.

I've had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy and tried to conceive for a bit of time so all that think about people who can't have children I don't agree with cause all i have to do is think about myself this time last year having to take a shot to end my ectopic pregnancy. I know what that feels like and I'm not diminishing my feelings at all. 

I am slowly warming up to having a girl. I'm extremely excited to be having a baby and that has not changed. And sometimes I slip and refer to the baby as him or he and i have to correct myself. And i still look at girl's clothes and not like any of them so i have no idea if and when that will change but knowing DH is happy to have a little girl to spoil makes it easier. And I know that even if it takes me a while I will be so in love with this little girl and the world won't be so bad with a mini-me.

Just think of how much you love your OH and think you're gonna raise a mini-him but better


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## xloulabellex

Futuremommy1 said:


> I so wanted a boy!!! I had outfits picked out and names and was looking forward to playing tag football and watching him grow to be like his daddy...then the ob said "it's a girl" and DH was video taping the ultrasound so you hear me distinctly moan and groan and say "well this just sucks!"
> 
> That was a week ago and I'm still not completely excited about having a girl and I even have it in the back of my mind that we could be wrong and a little boy pops out...I doubt it but I still think it.
> 
> I've had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy and tried to conceive for a bit of time so all that think about people who can't have children I don't agree with cause all i have to do is think about myself this time last year having to take a shot to end my ectopic pregnancy. I know what that feels like and I'm not diminishing my feelings at all.
> 
> I am slowly warming up to having a girl. I'm extremely excited to be having a baby and that has not changed. And sometimes I slip and refer to the baby as him or he and i have to correct myself. And i still look at girl's clothes and not like any of them so i have no idea if and when that will change but knowing DH is happy to have a little girl to spoil makes it easier. And I know that even if it takes me a while I will be so in love with this little girl and the world won't be so bad with a mini-me.
> 
> Just think of how much you love your OH and think you're gonna raise a mini-him but better

I'm glad you can remotely understand what i'm saying then!

Congrats on having a healthy pregnancy after your last one.. like you say, a mini-me will be good hey <3

Yeah, a mini-him will be perfect I guess :) xxx


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## truthbtold

The in-gender.com forums are great for finding comfort about your gender disappointment. No one has the right to make you feel bad about it. I am currently expecting my third boy, very hard after losing my daughter last december at
22 weeks. I suffered GD but as time went on I have accepted it and am preparing for his arrival. Its hard at first but gets easier with passing days.


----------



## QuintinsMommy

I knew I was having a boy from the start because I so badly wanted a girl 
and at the gender scan they told me it was a boy 
I named him Quintin around that time and I think that helped with the bond
Little boys clothes aren't as fun to buy as little girls but that doesnt matter to me
He loves trains but also loves to put on lip glass :haha: 
but hes mama's little boy and I honestly couldn't be happier 
I love him sooo much.


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## Pretty Sakura

I assure you that the second that baby arrives and you hold him for the first time all those thoughts are going to melt away. There are plenty of moms who have felt the same but not as brave to say so. Pregnancy hormones and expectations are are tough. Try not to beat yourself up we are all human. :hugs:


----------



## Mari30me

Sorry you are feeling down about a baby boy. It is totally normal and lots of women can feel that way. I have a daughter and a son already. Just found out last week that we are expecting our 2nd boy. I was a bit down because a small part of me wanted a girl. I am a girlie girl too, but now I am so happy to meet this little boy. When our ds#1 was born in 2010, it was love at 1st sight. He is so sensitive and sweet, but he is a daddy's boy for some reason! lol Maybe I will get a mamma's boy with our 2nd son:) Once your baby is here, you will forget that you ever felt this way:) GL


----------



## gills8752

Firstly I want to say how great it is that 99% of this thread is supportive! There have been other gender disappointment threads that have ended up bashing the mum for not "loving her child" and "being grateful for being pregnant". Nice to see a positive response this time :thumbup::thumbup:

I understand how you feel about disappointment. I so wanted a boy with my first child and was upset for some time that I was having a girl. I wasn't sure what I would do with a daughter to play with, I'm not a girlie girl, not into sparkles and pink etc and was dreading trying to play with a child with dollys and dressing up. BUT I now love her to bits, she's not a typical girl, she loves all things cars, planes etc and is a joy to play with.

I'm expecting another baby girl now and although I would have liked one of each, I've accepted it and am happy that I have another little girl to play with my daughter.

I think the real thing that helped me accept I was having a girl was realising that just because she has a fanny it doesn't mean she can't play with pirate boats and she doesn't have to wear pink. I went out a bought a few outfits that I would be happy for a girl to wear that weren't too girlie - more the style I would wear and started feeling better that I didn't have to deal with the pink, sparkly, frilly, princess thing. She could be a girl like me who likes cars and planes and wears tight jeans and black tops.

Like someone else said (sorry can't remember who) first step is accepting your feelings. I'm sure you'll feel excited soon enough and look forward to having a little boy.

Hope you feel better soon, and do keep us updated!
:hugs:


----------



## karlilay

Hunni - a year ago i could have written this word for word. I understand your feelings. I understand how horrible it is when people ask you if you have a preference (before you know) and you really want to tell everyone, i was a girl. Im so desperate for a girl.. but you know you shouldnt. With Madi i convinced myself she was a boy, i even brought boy things so i wouldnt feel the dissapointment. At the 20 week scan, when she said she was a girl i sobbed and sobbed i was so happy. 

Fast foward 18 months- pregnant again. Never entered my head i might have a boy as i already had a girl i kind of expected it to be a girl. I has 1083783654 names picked, and even told OH if it was a biy he could call it whatever he wanted. So were laying there and the scan woman says 'Can you see that? Its *his* little willy' OH punched the air, and i felt someone had punched me in the stomach. I couldnt function for days. I was terrified, i actually felt quite detatched from my bump for a while. But i brought some little blue baby gros and sorted the hospital bag out. When he came out, i looked down and he was the most beautiful newborn. I kept saying to the midwife 'look at him' 'look how cute he is!' I think id convinced myself i wouldnt love him the same because he was a boy. But it doesnt matter at all. You will love him, i promise you! You will love him the same way you would love a girl. When he was tiny, i was terrified of the whole cars/trucks/football/dirt general boy things. But he is now nearly 11 months old and hes started to love little boy things. Cars and things with wheels, and it makes my heart completley melt when i see him trying to push a car around the floor or doing the 'brrruuummm' noise :cloud9:

I cant imagen life without him. I would never ever change him for the world. And yes its cute looking at all the fancy frilly, lacey girly clothes. But beleive me, they are a FUCKING NIGHTMARE to iron! :thumbup:


----------



## Sunshine12

success777 said:


> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant

I dont see why that makes any difference nor do I see why its remotely relevant TBH.

Loullabelle, I hope you feel better about it soon hun but meantime Im sending you big hugs. xxx


----------



## cherryglitter

huge hugs :hugs:
like others have said. things will be a lot different when he's here. excitement will begin to take over soon too. 

my baby boy is so loving. i can't even remember what my life was like before i had him. 

take care. :flower:


----------



## Akinesia

I found out recently that my little one is a boy as well. I was hoping for a girl too, and while I haven't cried about it I did feel disappointed when the ultrasound tech announced the sex. Then I felt guilty for feeling disappointed, because everyone always says to just be thankful for the pregnancy and whatnot. I know a lot of girls who have been struggling trying to conceive a baby for years, including my sister in law, and I know what they'd have to say to me if I admitted that I wanted a girl as my first baby. But I also know that I can't help how I feel. It was just something I hoped for, and I know there's nothing wrong with that. 

Now, the way I am helping myself to come to terms with things not panning out as I had hoped is to focus on all the positives of having a little boy, and I try to imagine what he'll be like in the same sort of way I thought about having a daughter. I envision him as the protective big brother of my future children, and I think of all the things he may take part in. Maybe he'll be a little athlete, or musician, or artist, or scientist etc. I imagine what it will be like to encourage him and teach him in whatever he decides to pursue in life. I find this helpful, and it's the start of me bonding with my little man :) I'm sure you'll be able to overcome your feelings of disappointment as well and start to be really excited at the thought of having your little boy.


----------



## xloulabellex

truthbtold said:


> The in-gender.com forums are great for finding comfort about your gender disappointment. No one has the right to make you feel bad about it. I am currently expecting my third boy, very hard after losing my daughter last december at
> 22 weeks. I suffered GD but as time went on I have accepted it and am preparing for his arrival. Its hard at first but gets easier with passing days.

The in-gender doesn't seem to work every time I try to load it. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter *hugs* you're so strong :)


----------



## xloulabellex

karlilay said:


> Hunni - a year ago i could have written this word for word. I understand your feelings. I understand how horrible it is when people ask you if you have a preference (before you know) and you really want to tell everyone, i was a girl. Im so desperate for a girl.. but you know you shouldnt. With Madi i convinced myself she was a boy, i even brought boy things so i wouldnt feel the dissapointment. At the 20 week scan, when she said she was a girl i sobbed and sobbed i was so happy.
> 
> Fast foward 18 months- pregnant again. Never entered my head i might have a boy as i already had a girl i kind of expected it to be a girl. I has 1083783654 names picked, and even told OH if it was a biy he could call it whatever he wanted. So were laying there and the scan woman says 'Can you see that? Its *his* little willy' OH punched the air, and i felt someone had punched me in the stomach. I couldnt function for days. I was terrified, i actually felt quite detatched from my bump for a while. But i brought some little blue baby gros and sorted the hospital bag out. When he came out, i looked down and he was the most beautiful newborn. I kept saying to the midwife 'look at him' 'look how cute he is!' I think id convinced myself i wouldnt love him the same because he was a boy. But it doesnt matter at all. You will love him, i promise you! You will love him the same way you would love a girl. When he was tiny, i was terrified of the whole cars/trucks/football/dirt general boy things. But he is now nearly 11 months old and hes started to love little boy things. Cars and things with wheels, and it makes my heart completley melt when i see him trying to push a car around the floor or doing the 'brrruuummm' noise :cloud9:
> 
> I cant imagen life without him. I would never ever change him for the world. And yes its cute looking at all the fancy frilly, lacey girly clothes. But beleive me, they are a FUCKING NIGHTMARE to iron! :thumbup:

hahaha thanks for this :) he sounds adorable xx


----------



## xloulabellex

gills8752 said:


> Firstly I want to say how great it is that 99% of this thread is supportive! There have been other gender disappointment threads that have ended up bashing the mum for not "loving her child" and "being grateful for being pregnant". Nice to see a positive response this time :thumbup::thumbup:
> 
> I understand how you feel about disappointment. I so wanted a boy with my first child and was upset for some time that I was having a girl. I wasn't sure what I would do with a daughter to play with, I'm not a girlie girl, not into sparkles and pink etc and was dreading trying to play with a child with dollys and dressing up. BUT I now love her to bits, she's not a typical girl, she loves all things cars, planes etc and is a joy to play with.
> 
> I'm expecting another baby girl now and although I would have liked one of each, I've accepted it and am happy that I have another little girl to play with my daughter.
> 
> I think the real thing that helped me accept I was having a girl was realising that just because she has a fanny it doesn't mean she can't play with pirate boats and she doesn't have to wear pink. I went out a bought a few outfits that I would be happy for a girl to wear that weren't too girlie - more the style I would wear and started feeling better that I didn't have to deal with the pink, sparkly, frilly, princess thing. She could be a girl like me who likes cars and planes and wears tight jeans and black tops.
> 
> Like someone else said (sorry can't remember who) first step is accepting your feelings. I'm sure you'll feel excited soon enough and look forward to having a little boy.
> 
> Hope you feel better soon, and do keep us updated!
> :hugs:

Thank you for this, I guess it must be just as hard for a non-girlie girl to have a little girl too.. I will keep you updated :) xx


----------



## xloulabellex

Sunshine12 said:


> success777 said:
> 
> 
> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant
> 
> I dont see why that makes any difference nor do I see why its remotely relevant TBH.
> 
> Loullabelle, I hope you feel better about it soon hun but meantime Im sending you big hugs. xxxClick to expand...

Thank you :) xxx


----------



## Fruitymeli

im a girly and i have a lovely little boy , they is some gorgeous clothes not just the typical so hes always been stylish 
am sure you will come round dont forget shopping is helpful :)


----------



## Mindy_mini

Oh Hun I could have written that myself after my 20wk scan (except I wanted a blue one and got a pink one)

I can honestly say I didn't come to terms with it til I had my daughter in my arms. But you will love your baby, you will start to notice nice bluethings and you will get into trucks and cars etc. Just take the time to digest it.

Oh and ignore those who say "be grateful you're even pregnant". I wonder how they'd feel if a terminal cancer patient told them "be grateful you have your health and a long life ahead of you". 

Gender disappointment is a real issue and affects each woman differently. We all have dreams and ideas about our baby before we find out the sex, some just deal with it quicker than others xxx


----------



## xloulabellex

Mindy_mini said:


> Oh Hun I could have written that myself after my 20wk scan (except I wanted a blue one and got a pink one)
> 
> I can honestly say I didn't come to terms with it til I had my daughter in my arms. But you will love your baby, you will start to notice nice bluethings and you will get into trucks and cars etc. Just take the time to digest it.
> 
> Oh and ignore those who say "be grateful you're even pregnant". I wonder how they'd feel if a terminal cancer patient told them "be grateful you have your health and a long life ahead of you".
> 
> Gender disappointment is a real issue and affects each woman differently. We all have dreams and ideas about our baby before we find out the sex, some just deal with it quicker than others xxx

Thank you for your support :) I appreciate it! xxx


----------



## InVivoVeritas

As PPs have said, accept your feelings, i think more women feel that way than you'd think.

My first DD I really wanted a boy. I saw the nub at the 12-week scan, thought it meant boy, and spent the rest of the pregnancy buying blue things, picked a boy's name, prepared the nursery in blue. When the midwife said "it's a girl" I felt a wave of shock and disappointment. But then I saw her and fell immediately in love. She's 13 now, loves spooky things and the colour black, hates pink and glitter.

Second time I knew I could do girls, knew girls were fantastic, and with a close age gap really wanted another girl this time. You guessed it -- boy.

My son died as a newborn and I fell pregnant again quickly. I wanted another boy with every fibre of my body, so it didn't surprise me at all when the midwife said 'girl'. My younger DD is an animal loving, tree-climbing, mud-attracting tomboy with a secret pink fetish she's embarrassed to show. :flower:

This time we're a house of women, no male role model, and I'd love one more girl to add to the hormonal soup. Which, given my history, means that this one is odds-on a boy.

In my experience, once you meet that new person, once you hold him in your arms, your love will be so strong and specific to him that you won't even think about his gender. You'll probably still want a girl, but you'll be thinking in terms of next pregnancy.


----------



## xloulabellex

InVivoVeritas said:


> As PPs have said, accept your feelings, i think more women feel that way than you'd think.
> 
> My first DD I really wanted a boy. I saw the nub at the 12-week scan, thought it meant boy, and spent the rest of the pregnancy buying blue things, picked a boy's name, prepared the nursery in blue. When the midwife said "it's a girl" I felt a wave of shock and disappointment. But then I saw her and fell immediately in love. She's 13 now, loves spooky things and the colour black, hates pink and glitter.
> 
> Second time I knew I could do girls, knew girls were fantastic, and with a close age gap really wanted another girl this time. You guessed it -- boy.
> 
> My son died as a newborn and I fell pregnant again quickly. I wanted another boy with every fibre of my body, so it didn't surprise me at all when the midwife said 'girl'. My younger DD is an animal loving, tree-climbing, mud-attracting tomboy with a secret pink fetish she's embarrassed to show. :flower:
> 
> This time we're a house of women, no male role model, and I'd love one more girl to add to the hormonal soup. Which, given my history, means that this one is odds-on a boy.
> 
> In my experience, once you meet that new person, once you hold him in your arms, your love will be so strong and specific to him that you won't even think about his gender. You'll probably still want a girl, but you'll be thinking in terms of next pregnancy.

I'm sorry to hear about your son <3 *hugs*

Aww I bet a house of women is fun hehe :)

You speak alot of sense, thank you x


----------



## Drazic<3

It's very true, when they arrive - the love knocks you over and you really don't care what bits they have! I have a girl, and she loves bladdddy Thomas the Tank and Chuggington, but she dresses like a little me. I had a HUGE row with a girl on a thread like this a few years ago. I had just lost a baby, and I really thought she was a selfish cow tbh - but I see it now! It's more than that, but it will go. It's hormones and expectations - trust me, your little boy will blow them out the water.


----------



## Arisa

success777 said:


> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant

Not very helpful advice since it does not make a blind bit of difference when you feel the way you do. I wish women would be more understanding I mean if its okay for our partners/husband etc to want a boy or a girl why is not okay for us? because we are the baby machines we are supposed to be happy with whatever we pop out? no sorry.

I understand how you feel completely xloulabellex because I know i would feel the same if I find out we are having a boy too


----------



## pixeldust

It's ok to grieve the girl you wanted to have. This is, probably, the last baby for us, so no chance of having a daughter. Only after I grieved the baby girl I'd never have did I find I could move on.

It still pangs me when friends announce they are having girls. I still get jealous. I'm still pissed my family don't give a shit about my unborn son because he's a boy. But I'll get over it, and so will you, I promise :)


----------



## xloulabellex

Arisa said:


> success777 said:
> 
> 
> Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant
> 
> Not very helpful advice since it does not make a blind bit of difference when you feel the way you do. I wish women would be more understanding I mean if its okay for our partners/husband etc to want a boy or a girl why is not okay for us? because we are the baby machines we are supposed to be happy with whatever we pop out? no sorry.
> 
> I understand how you feel completely xloulabellex because I know i would feel the same if I find out we are having a boy tooClick to expand...

<3 I hope you get what you want, however if you want to talk at all.. you know where I am :)

I am feeling alot more positive today which is good! I guess the idea of having a little mini-OH is helping alot xx


----------



## xloulabellex

pixeldust said:


> It's ok to grieve the girl you wanted to have. This is, probably, the last baby for us, so no chance of having a daughter. Only after I grieved the baby girl I'd never have did I find I could move on.
> 
> It still pangs me when friends announce they are having girls. I still get jealous. I'm still pissed my family don't give a shit about my unborn son because he's a boy. But I'll get over it, and so will you, I promise :)

Thank you :)

I guess grieving really DOES help get past it. <3


----------



## xloulabellex

Drazic<3 said:


> It's very true, when they arrive - the love knocks you over and you really don't care what bits they have! I have a girl, and she loves bladdddy Thomas the Tank and Chuggington, but she dresses like a little me. I had a HUGE row with a girl on a thread like this a few years ago. I had just lost a baby, and I really thought she was a selfish cow tbh - but I see it now! It's more than that, but it will go. It's hormones and expectations - trust me, your little boy will blow them out the water.

I'm sorry to hear about your loss <3

Thank you, bloody hormones hey!

Haha bless your little'un :) although i'l admit.. no idea what Chugginton is haha *blush* I guess i'll have to learn!


----------



## beanzz

Don't worry, I even wanted a boy from the start and still felt a little disappointed when they confirmed my LO is a boy as then I realised I wasn't going to have a little girl in pretty pink dresses and to take shopping when she's older. I think maybe it's because it can only be one or the other that when you get told your baby's sex, even if it's the one you wanted, it's natural to feel sad about the other side, if you get what I'm tryin to say? Like the grass always seems greener on the other side? :hugs:


----------



## xloulabellex

beanzz said:


> Don't worry, I even wanted a boy from the start and still felt a little disappointed when they confirmed my LO is a boy as then I realised I wasn't going to have a little girl in pretty pink dresses and to take shopping when she's older. I think maybe it's because it can only be one or the other that when you get told your baby's sex, even if it's the one you wanted, it's natural to feel sad about the other side, if you get what I'm tryin to say? Like the grass always seems greener on the other side? :hugs:

Yeh, that makes sense! It's like when I can't deicde between.. say.. sandwiches!! I finally pick one, start eating it and think "damn, wish I chosen the other"... haha!

<3


----------



## overcomer79

Hey Hun. I think I will add my 2 cents. I got pregnant with my DS in dec 08. My mom wanted a girl and at first I did too. I knew because I wanted a girl so bad that it would turn out to be a boy. I even started calling the baby our son's name. It did come out to be a boy. I love him and honestly don't know what I would do without him.

This time around, everyone has put pressure on me to have a little girl. I am not getting worked up over it. I already have both names picked. 

My son was a miracle baby. When he was born at 41 weeks, we didn't know anything was amiss. He was born not only with cord wrapped twice but also a true knot was soon discovered. 

I think what you are feeling is normal especially since you had a gender preference. I don't know what else to say but hugs hun


----------



## Joyzerelly

I completely relate. When I was pregnant with my last baby, at the gender scan the sonographer said rather unprofessionally "there's a willy and a pair of goolies" and I was horrified. I kept it together in the scan room, no smiles from me though. As soon as we were out of the room I ran through the waiting room in floods of tears and locked myself in the toilet, I cried all the way home. Fortunately my partner was really understanding and supportive. I'd wanted a girl SO MUCH. It seemed as though everyone around me were having girls, even my OH's sister who was 2 weeks behind me. I too dislike boys clothes, they're all blue and grey and brown and gloomy. Even the clothes that have a lot of colour are also striped or trimmed with grey, there's also no selection. 
I have to say though, that my little boy, now 15 months is the absolute light of my life. He's so sweet and gentle, and chilled out, while many of the little girls of the same age that we know are high maintenance, tantrum throwing little madams. My LO hasn't actually had a tantrum yet (so far). People kept telling me that girls were harder to raise (though obviously, all children are individuals and I'm pretty sure my sisters and I were good children). You can't change what your baby is and when he's here you won't want to. You'll love him so much and what's between his legs won't matter a bit.
So far as clothes are concerned, dress him in what you like! He'll be completely oblivious to society's expectations for the first couple of years. My LO wears plenty of pink, along with bright colours like red (lots of red), yellows etc, I rarely even glance at the boys section, some of his clothes have frills and the only blue thing he has is a vintage pale blue floral blouse, intended for a girl I think. It's my favourite item of clothing. I put tights on him, all from the girls section too.

With this baby, I am once again hoping for a girl, I'll be disappointed if its another boy, but not so much as I know what a pleasure little boys can be. I have a lot of girls clothes, including dresses, and if this baby is a boy he'll be wearing dresses for the first six months of his life, (it was once the norm for boys anyway, oh and btw, in the 17th century, pink was a boys colour, according to what society dictated at the time, the only way these trends change is by people refusing to be held by them and chossing to do things differently). 
You don't have to introduce your child to transport vehicles, you don't have to adhere to societal rules about boys and girls toys, that's all rubbish anyway, children are genderless for the first couple of years. Go for unisex stuff.

Anyway, I've run on long enough. BTW I found it helpful to talk to people sympathetic to my feelings about my situation on a website called Ingender.com


----------



## wellyboot

Just another chipping in to say I understand how you feel, and don't feel bad for it.

I didn't realise how much I wanted a little girl until I became pregnant with my first. I thought that, with sod's law, it would be bound to be a boy, so I convinced myself that the baby would be a boy. I was completely blown away when I had my little girl and fell completely in love with her at first sight.

When I was pregnant second time round, I would have really liked another little girl, but was completely certain from early on that the baby was a boy. He was, and although I loved him as soon as I saw him, it wasn't the overwhelming, mind-blowing total love that it was when I saw my daughter (although the fact that he was early and a stupidly fast birth could have had something to do with it, as I was quite in shock). However, my love for him grew and grew, and there is now no difference between how much I love my boy and my girl. And to be honest, my little boy is so much easier than my daughter - she challenges me continually and doesn't give me a moments rest, whereas my little son loves me unconditionally, he plays by himself, is easier to second guess etc.

Hope that helps a bit.

Welly xxx

P.S. And, to be totally superficial, you can get the greatest cute stripey cardigans for little boys (look in Boots and John Lewis). Girls cardigans are pants!!


----------



## threemakefive

The moment you lay your eyes on that little boy you will forget all about the negative...and to be honest boys are less drama filled, and my boy is amazing, he has taught me patience and dinosaurs lol HE knows every dinosaurs name and teaches me, he loves to fish and explore outside, he is one of the greatest gifts I have ever recieved, and so is my little girl. Both genders have their moments of better than the other, but just remember this baby is part of you, and will love you the same as if it were a girl... hormones suck but you will get better with it oh and did I mention, hats, bowties, and little aviator sunglasses are SOOO worth having a boy :)


----------



## xloulabellex

Joyzerelly said:


> I completely relate. When I was pregnant with my last baby, at the gender scan the sonographer said rather unprofessionally "there's a willy and a pair of goolies" and I was horrified. I kept it together in the scan room, no smiles from me though. As soon as we were out of the room I ran through the waiting room in floods of tears and locked myself in the toilet, I cried all the way home. Fortunately my partner was really understanding and supportive. I'd wanted a girl SO MUCH. It seemed as though everyone around me were having girls, even my OH's sister who was 2 weeks behind me. I too dislike boys clothes, they're all blue and grey and brown and gloomy. Even the clothes that have a lot of colour are also striped or trimmed with grey, there's also no selection.
> I have to say though, that my little boy, now 15 months is the absolute light of my life. He's so sweet and gentle, and chilled out, while many of the little girls of the same age that we know are high maintenance, tantrum throwing little madams. My LO hasn't actually had a tantrum yet (so far). People kept telling me that girls were harder to raise (though obviously, all children are individuals and I'm pretty sure my sisters and I were good children). You can't change what your baby is and when he's here you won't want to. You'll love him so much and what's between his legs won't matter a bit.
> So far as clothes are concerned, dress him in what you like! He'll be completely oblivious to society's expectations for the first couple of years. My LO wears plenty of pink, along with bright colours like red (lots of red), yellows etc, I rarely even glance at the boys section, some of his clothes have frills and the only blue thing he has is a vintage pale blue floral blouse, intended for a girl I think. It's my favourite item of clothing. I put tights on him, all from the girls section too.
> 
> With this baby, I am once again hoping for a girl, I'll be disappointed if its another boy, but not so much as I know what a pleasure little boys can be. I have a lot of girls clothes, including dresses, and if this baby is a boy he'll be wearing dresses for the first six months of his life, (it was once the norm for boys anyway, oh and btw, in the 17th century, pink was a boys colour, according to what society dictated at the time, the only way these trends change is by people refusing to be held by them and chossing to do things differently).
> You don't have to introduce your child to transport vehicles, you don't have to adhere to societal rules about boys and girls toys, that's all rubbish anyway, children are genderless for the first couple of years. Go for unisex stuff.
> 
> Anyway, I've run on long enough. BTW I found it helpful to talk to people sympathetic to my feelings about my situation on a website called Ingender.com

Thank you so much for your input, I appreciate it. And it's great to know i'm not alone.

I gues you're right, they ARE genderless for first couple of years..

The Ingender website keeps crashing on me for some stupid reason but i'll keep trying.

<3


----------



## xloulabellex

wellyboot said:


> Just another chipping in to say I understand how you feel, and don't feel bad for it.
> 
> I didn't realise how much I wanted a little girl until I became pregnant with my first. I thought that, with sod's law, it would be bound to be a boy, so I convinced myself that the baby would be a boy. I was completely blown away when I had my little girl and fell completely in love with her at first sight.
> 
> When I was pregnant second time round, I would have really liked another little girl, but was completely certain from early on that the baby was a boy. He was, and although I loved him as soon as I saw him, it wasn't the overwhelming, mind-blowing total love that it was when I saw my daughter (although the fact that he was early and a stupidly fast birth could have had something to do with it, as I was quite in shock). However, my love for him grew and grew, and there is now no difference between how much I love my boy and my girl. And to be honest, my little boy is so much easier than my daughter - she challenges me continually and doesn't give me a moments rest, whereas my little son loves me unconditionally, he plays by himself, is easier to second guess etc.
> 
> Hope that helps a bit.
> 
> Welly xxx
> 
> P.S. And, to be totally superficial, you can get the greatest cute stripey cardigans for little boys (look in Boots and John Lewis). Girls cardigans are pants!!

Aww i'll have to have a look! Thank you sweetie, I 've heard they are easier so i'm pinning hope on that. <3 thank you fior your words xx


----------



## xloulabellex

overcomer79 said:


> Hey Hun. I think I will add my 2 cents. I got pregnant with my DS in dec 08. My mom wanted a girl and at first I did too. I knew because I wanted a girl so bad that it would turn out to be a boy. I even started calling the baby our son's name. It did come out to be a boy. I love him and honestly don't know what I would do without him.
> 
> This time around, everyone has put pressure on me to have a little girl. I am not getting worked up over it. I already have both names picked.
> 
> My son was a miracle baby. When he was born at 41 weeks, we didn't know anything was amiss. He was born not only with cord wrapped twice but also a true knot was soon discovered.
> 
> I think what you are feeling is normal especially since you had a gender preference. I don't know what else to say but hugs hun

So glad to hear your son is okay!!

Thank you, *hugs back*


----------



## Angelbabymama

Huge hugs from me, I can only say I feel I'm going to be in the same boat as you.... You basically just described future me in your post (if I'm having a boy) I've always wanted a baby girl and I can feel I'm going to be gutted if the little one's a boy (although happy for a healthy child), but we have to smile and just think, next time may be the time to have a little girl! :D 
love and light,
Lola xXx


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## PepsiChic

I came across this thread and i just wanted to say that i dont undestand how you feel but i can tell you this....regardless of gender the FEELING you will have when he is brn will be overwhelming.

you wont want him out of your sight, you'll be checking his breathign 100 times a night and you'll never put him down. he clasps his tiny hand around your finger, and does a huge yawn against your chest you'll cry untill you cant cry any more with love.

i have never, in all my life, loved anything as much as i love my son, and hes the most precious and wonderful thing in my life. I wasnt trying for a baby he was a suprise. and i wish SO SO MUCH that i had taken the time to just enjoy my pregnancy knowing i would love him when he was born, instead of worrying if i wont. 

i wasted my beautiful baby boys pregnancy being preoccuiped worrying about money and possesions and crap when i should of been cherishing his every movement, and putting headphones on my belly and letting him here it, talking to him more and singing off tune to him while i showered...i didnt, its my biggest regret.

i PROMISE you this...when hes born, nothing else in this world will matter.not even the fact that hes a boy.


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## hpjagged

I very rarely talk about my gender disapointment on here because majority of the lovely ladies on here havent experienced GD. And this subject is always so heated.
I think people get confused about it all. Your mourning for the little girl you so always wanted. And which you still might get in the future!! Your not sad about having a son, but the girl you didnt/haven't got yet! 
Does that make any sense? Genderdreaming.com is another site to look on. But ingender seems to have a lot more information, but there's so many dam bugs on it, sometimes all you seem to get all the time are the monkeys lol.

When your little boy comes into this world. Your disapointment will all but of disappeared!!
As soon as I saw my daughter, it was just amazing and I know with my second daughter it will be the same. :)


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## pip2009

Whilst some people may not understand your feelings it doesn't mean they're not valid and recognising this is the first step in dealing with them.

I think PepsiChic is spot on with what she said about enjoying your pregnancy, this is such a precious time in your life that can never be repeated. Enjoy every minute of it, all the kicks, somersaults and hiccups because he is your baby, no-one else can, or ever will, feel him moving inside of them and this is something to be treasured.

I had no preference regarding gender and when my son was born I was so overwhelmed I forgot to even ask what he was, thats how unimportant it is at that moment! He is a complete mummys boy and I love it. He is the light of my life and I wouldn't change him for all the girls in the world :)


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## PoodleMommy

Aww... I know what you mean... we are ALL wanting a girl in my family, but we're going to find out the gender today and I feel 100% sure it's going to be a boy (there are about four reasons I think this)... and I'll be 41 when this baby is born, so it may be my only shot!! :(

If it's any consolation, everyone I know who wanted a girl but got a boy, fell in LOVE after their baby was here and can't believe they ever were disappointed. I'm hoping that is the case!!


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## calm

Just wanted to give my support. I haven't got any experience, but I am so sure that what the lovely ladies say that once that boy is in your arms, everything else will come into place. But don't feel bad or guilty, you can't help how you feel! It doesn't make you a monster or a bad person! Big hugs, I am sure everything will be fine :hugs: :hugs:


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## EMC0528

I have to be honest with you, I totally don't relate to this!! BUT I certainly don't judge you for it, or think that your feelings arent justified. 

I wanted a boy with my first and got one, and this time around I don't care what I have. The fact that you wanted a girl so bad and got a boy is a legitimate reason to be upset. I may not understand how your feeling, but please know that what previous posters have said about loving your child as soon as you see that precious little boy is completely true. I promise you, when you look back, you may always want that little girl, but you'll love that sweet baby boy more and more each day.

Don't be so hard on yourself. :hugs:


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## amandad192

Big :hugs:

I have 4 younger sisters and 2 younger brother..but I have never met my brothers. I grew up in a house of girls. I've changed girls nappies, played girls games.
When I was pregnant with Liam I really wanted a girl. It would have been MIL's first grandaughter so I felt a bit pressured. I had a 4d scan at 27 weeks and when the sonographer said he was a boy I felt gutted. When I was alone I had a good cry. How the hell was I going to look after a boy?
But now, I wouldn't change him for the world. He's so loving and cheeky and not one day has gone by in his life that he hasn't made me laugh. He is such a character. Watching him play fight with his daddy, sitting on the floor whizzing cars to each other...he is perfect in everyway.

I'm now pregnant with a little girl. At my 16 week gender scan, when the sonographer said girl I was soo happy. I wouldn't have minded another boy at all, but this is our last LO (and I'm only 19 :cry:) so it makes it a little extra special to know our family is complete with one of each. My little girl will have an amazing big brother to protect her from filthy teen boys. I'm soo glad I had a little boy first to protect his little sister.

Give yourself time to accept your little boy. By the time your due you'll be so anxious to meet him that you'll forget all about your gender dissapointment. It may not stop you from wanting a girl in the future, but you'll never wish that your boy was a girl.
xx


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## rwhite

Don't fret doll :hugs:

When I was pregnant with my son I desperately wanted a girl. I am very girly and I will admit, a lot of the reasons I wanted/want a daughter are very petty, but I don't think anybody needs to justify their feelings - feelings cannot be helped, they just are.

I just knew I was having a little boy - the same way a lot of the other posters in this thread have said - because I wanted a girl so badly I knew it couldn't possibly be one. So when I had my anatomy ultrasound and the technician matter of factly commented 'It's a male' I glanced at my partner who _wanted_ a boy and my parents who thus far only have grandsons, and forced a smile.

Later that night I went home and just felt hollow. I fretted that I wouldn't love a boy as much as I would love a girl, and that a boy wouldn't be as much fun.

I know in my case that when he was born it wasn't love at first sight, but I feel that girl or not it would have been like that. I think I was just in shock that I was now responsible for a helpless little human - it's a crazy feeling!

I didn't like boys things either, and I still don't like some of them but you know what? They're growing on me and the stuff my son loves I am really beginning to take joy in. I get excited looking at toy car and garage sets and train sets because I know how much fun he would have playing with them. Ben 10 toys and Transformers? Not so much but I suspect when he starts to play with them and I see how much he delights in them I'll like those too. As for the clothes, I still find a lot of boys clothes to be awful (sports designs, MASSES of clothes with dogs on) but you can find the cutest little polo shirts and jeans and trust me it is so fun to dress your little boy up so he is a super handsome wee dude.

You will love your son because he is just that - _yours_. And you will be his favourite gal.
My little boy gives me snuggles and big sloppy kisses and picks daisies, sniffs them and then gives them to me. He is the absolute sweetest and while I would still love a girl, I would take ten the same as my wee man.

If you're ever having a bad day (I remember having quite a few of those) you're more than welcome to drop me a PM. As for In-Gender, it's broken :( But as HPJagged said, genderdreaming is good too :)

x


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## xloulabellex

rwhite said:


> Don't fret doll :hugs:
> 
> When I was pregnant with my son I desperately wanted a girl. I am very girly and I will admit, a lot of the reasons I wanted/want a daughter are very petty, but I don't think anybody needs to justify their feelings - feelings cannot be helped, they just are.
> 
> I just knew I was having a little boy - the same way a lot of the other posters in this thread have said - because I wanted a girl so badly I knew it couldn't possibly be one. So when I had my anatomy ultrasound and the technician matter of factly commented 'It's a male' I glanced at my partner who _wanted_ a boy and my parents who thus far only have grandsons, and forced a smile.
> 
> Later that night I went home and just felt hollow. I fretted that I wouldn't love a boy as much as I would love a girl, and that a boy wouldn't be as much fun.
> 
> I know in my case that when he was born it wasn't love at first sight, but I feel that girl or not it would have been like that. I think I was just in shock that I was now responsible for a helpless little human - it's a crazy feeling!
> 
> I didn't like boys things either, and I still don't like some of them but you know what? They're growing on me and the stuff my son loves I am really beginning to take joy in. I get excited looking at toy car and garage sets and train sets because I know how much fun he would have playing with them. Ben 10 toys and Transformers? Not so much but I suspect when he starts to play with them and I see how much he delights in them I'll like those too. As for the clothes, I still find a lot of boys clothes to be awful (sports designs, MASSES of clothes with dogs on) but you can find the cutest little polo shirts and jeans and trust me it is so fun to dress your little boy up so he is a super handsome wee dude.
> 
> You will love your son because he is just that - _yours_. And you will be his favourite gal.
> My little boy gives me snuggles and big sloppy kisses and picks daisies, sniffs them and then gives them to me. He is the absolute sweetest and while I would still love a girl, I would take ten the same as my wee man.
> 
> If you're ever having a bad day (I remember having quite a few of those) you're more than welcome to drop me a PM. As for In-Gender, it's broken :( But as HPJagged said, genderdreaming is good too :)
> 
> x

Thank you so much for your support! He sounds adorable :) xx


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## xloulabellex

For everyone : thank you so much for your support on this issue.. it means alot <3

I am gradually doing much better.. mainly because three people around me have lost their baby in the past week (one being 38 weeks pregnant!)

So i'm currently not giving a shit what he/she is... I need him to be healthy! This week has been a total shock to my system. :(

<3 You're all so amazing, thank you again for your kind words. It's nice to know im' not alone. xxxx


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## Kielee

Omg I understand one million %, im having twins and im desperate for girls or one of each, the thought of having two boys does scare me but I have to say I have a gut feeling that it's two boys just because im not big on little boys, iv never really been able to relate to boys that well. My little sister is only 8 and she's amazing so pink and fluffy she's my angel :) xx


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## future_numan

When I had my first DD, I was so convinced through the entire pregnancy that she was a he.. I even bought all blue but when the DR announced " it's a girl" my heart sank..
I have always been a "tom boy" and thought I would relate more to a son, and my DD turned out to be the girlest, girl you ever met ( she still is)... fast forward 22 yrs..and three more daughters..
I am now pregnant with my 5th and hoping this one is also a girl..
I gave up the thought of having a boy years ago, I love my girls..


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## rwhite

xloulabellex said:


> For everyone : thank you so much for your support on this issue.. it means alot <3
> 
> I am gradually doing much better.. mainly because three people around me have lost their baby in the past week (one being 38 weeks pregnant!)
> 
> So i'm currently not giving a shit what he/she is... I need him to be healthy! This week has been a total shock to my system. :(
> 
> <3 You're all so amazing, thank you again for your kind words. It's nice to know im' not alone. xxxx

I'm glad you're having a better time of things x It honestly does get better. I am so sorry for your friends' losses, how heartbreaking :cry:


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## poppy666

future_numan said:


> When I had my first DD, I was so convinced through the entire pregnancy that she was a he.. I even bought all blue but when the DR announced " it's a girl" my heart sank..
> I have always been a "tom boy" and thought I would relate more to a son, and my DD turned out to be the girlest, girl you ever met ( she still is)... fast forward 22 yrs..and three more daughters..
> I am now pregnant with my 5th and hoping this one is also a girl..
> I gave up the thought of having a boy years ago, I love my girls..

Hey your here, will be stalking to find out what your cooking sweetie :happydance:


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## mummystheword

I've got to say, I felt exactly the same! I was dreading the scan because I really didn't want a boy at all and at the beginning of the pregnancy both me and OH thought it was a girl but then we started to think 'boy'. When we were having the scan I had second thoughts and didn't want to find out, but I hadn't mentioned this to OH and he said we wanted to know. Low and behold the tech told us 'boy!' and I couldn't hide my disappointment, I managed to hold back the tears until we got in the car, I hardly spoke on the way to the car and couldn't bear to look at the pictures, OH was beaming (although he was happy regardless of gender). I felt guilty, disappointed and even felt as though I didn't want the baby anymore! 

It took me ages to get over the fact he was a boy, I couldn't look at boys clothes, or anything to do with boys, and I just thought they were all dirty and smelt (lol) and played football (which I hate!!). When I was younger and before I was pregnant, I always imagined having a girl and going shopping etc (although I don't go with my mum and we don't get on that well!). In a way I think I wanted to put right mine and my mums' relationship through a daughter, then I could be the kind of mum I had wanted all my life :cry: 

Anyway...

After several weeks and many tears, I came around to the idea of having a boy and bought him some clothes and got excited. I know everyone says this, but as soon as he was born, I couldn't care what he was, I just had an overwhelming desire to protect him, care for him and cuddle him! I was (and am still) in love with him and would do anything for him! And, if we were to have anymore children, I hope its anther boy as i've seen and had experience of some really mardy girls with an attitude problem :haha: My niece being one of them! :haha: 

Don't worry hun, the feeling will pass, you will love him so much and he will love you, it may take a while to pass but like me, you will be reading this in a few months and think, what was I talking about! :hugs:


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## rwhite

poppy666 said:


> future_numan said:
> 
> 
> When I had my first DD, I was so convinced through the entire pregnancy that she was a he.. I even bought all blue but when the DR announced " it's a girl" my heart sank..
> I have always been a "tom boy" and thought I would relate more to a son, and my DD turned out to be the girlest, girl you ever met ( she still is)... fast forward 22 yrs..and three more daughters..
> I am now pregnant with my 5th and hoping this one is also a girl..
> I gave up the thought of having a boy years ago, I love my girls..
> 
> Hey your here, will be stalking to find out what your cooking sweetie :happydance:Click to expand...

Aww you had your wee girl, congrats! She's beautiful. I remember you from the tri forums when I was pregnant with my little boy :)


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## poppy666

Thanks :hugs: remember you too and my korben's birthday 3 days after your Lachlan's 26th :hugs:


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## jenniferttc1

I haven't read all the pages, so not sure if your feeling better.
It took me and my husband a pretty long time to concieve (19 months) and I was so desperate for a little girl, I didn't even like wakin up from dreams of a baby boy. I just couldnt imagine having a boy. But once I saw him moving on the screen and being told he was a boy, I fell so in love with him. When he started moving alot more, it made it even easier to accept him. He is not even here yet, and I love him more than anything in the world. I look for clothes that are not bright and cartoon characters etc. He has alot of cute litte blue jeans and very cute tops that are not childish looking. My husband wanted a girl, but im sure thats just cause of something that I won't even get into about with my husbands father, its a very long and confusing story to stragners. But he is so pleased to have a son on the way, and can't wait to take little man fishing, fourwheeler riding, monster trucks, and honestly It makes me happy for him. When we decided to start ttc, me and my husband went to a monster truck show in 2009 and we sat next to this man and his little boy,having a boys night out, and was the cutest thing ever. That night my husban turned to me and asked if we could start trying for a baby. I'm so excited for him that he will have a son to do these things with.
You'll come around I promise :)


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## JadeEmChar

I had a bit of gender disappointment because i have 2 girls already i was hoping for a boy but in a way I'm glad to be having another girl as i know girls..

Just think this is your first and you could have a girl in your next pregnancy if you decide to have another....*hugs*


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## future_numan

poppy666 said:


> future_numan said:
> 
> 
> When I had my first DD, I was so convinced through the entire pregnancy that she was a he.. I even bought all blue but when the DR announced " it's a girl" my heart sank..
> I have always been a "tom boy" and thought I would relate more to a son, and my DD turned out to be the girlest, girl you ever met ( she still is)... fast forward 22 yrs..and three more daughters..
> I am now pregnant with my 5th and hoping this one is also a girl..
> I gave up the thought of having a boy years ago, I love my girls..
> 
> Hey your here, will be stalking to find out what your cooking sweetie :happydance:Click to expand...

I am :happydance:
After 10 months of TTC was are finally pregnant:hugs:
We find out the gender Dec 3rd !


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## poppy666

future_numan said:


> poppy666 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> future_numan said:
> 
> 
> When I had my first DD, I was so convinced through the entire pregnancy that she was a he.. I even bought all blue but when the DR announced " it's a girl" my heart sank..
> I have always been a "tom boy" and thought I would relate more to a son, and my DD turned out to be the girlest, girl you ever met ( she still is)... fast forward 22 yrs..and three more daughters..
> I am now pregnant with my 5th and hoping this one is also a girl..
> I gave up the thought of having a boy years ago, I love my girls..
> 
> Hey your here, will be stalking to find out what your cooking sweetie :happydance:Click to expand...
> 
> I am :happydance:
> After 10 months of TTC was are finally pregnant:hugs:
> We find out the gender Dec 3rd !Click to expand...

Ohhhh exciting :happydance::happydance:

Keep us updated not long to wait :hugs:


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## Mrs HM

beanzz said:


> Don't worry, I even wanted a boy from the start and still felt a little disappointed when they confirmed my LO is a boy as then I realised I wasn't going to have a little girl in pretty pink dresses and to take shopping when she's older. I think maybe it's because it can only be one or the other that when you get told your baby's sex, even if it's the one you wanted, it's natural to feel sad about the other side, if you get what I'm tryin to say? Like the grass always seems greener on the other side? :hugs:

This makes perfect sense to me and is why I'm on team yellow...I'm hoping that if I'm told the gender once the baby is in my arms I'll not care at all as obviously my baby will be the cutest ever born!

:hugs: to the OP. I've no doubt you'll love your baby more than anything when he gazes into your eyes for the first time.


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## poppy666

I waited for a girl for 20yrs as ive already got 4 boys and suffered bad GD when i found out my 4th was a boy, but now ive been bless with a girl she's such a Diva id have 10 boys :haha:

To the OP even tho i suffered this more with my 4th boy once he was born i fell in love and wouldnt change a thing, you will get through this :hugs:


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## 2011butterfly

TBH, I think I would feel the same. But think I'd keep the gender a surprise until it's born. I want a girl but OH wants a boy so between us at least one of us is happy. Think I'd prepare myself for the worse and start looking at boy clothes so I would get used to that idea, just in case.


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## mamawannabee

Honestly, I really wanted a boy, I always wanted boys, and couldn't imagine having a girl. We were team yellow but were told by accident that LO is a girl, and I really couldn't be happier. I have actually surprised myself by not being disappointed or anything, and am over the moon about it now, and my OH always wanted a girl so he is so excited which makes it more exciting for me. I still have a hard time believing it, as we had a boys name picked out, I had gotten lots of blue, I really thought it was a boy, but my instinct and dreams were wrong! This may not be the case for everyone, but for us, it never became an issue.


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## CeeDee

DH didn&#8217;t take us having a girl well either. He really wanted a boy since he already has a girl with someone else. I would have gone either way, but now I know that this will probably be my first and last pregnancy because DH does not want to try again and have 3 girls. This makes me more disappointed than having a girl.

This has been a great, supportive thread. You ladies are awesome! I&#8217;m glad you are feeling better loulabelle!


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## Rees

Massive :hugs: to OP (sorry hun, forgot your username!)

I always wanted one of each, when pregnant with my first I wanted a girl, same order as my mum. I couldn't find out at the 20 week scan so was a reluctant team yellow, she came out pink :) I couldn't have been happier.

Then it took us AGES to conceive our second, at first I wanted a boy, but then I convinced myself I was having a girl and I was so excited at that prospect and I had my heart set on it and had picked out the name, even though OH wasn't keen. At 14 weeks I caught chicken pox, it scared the shit out of me and I was so worried about my baby.

Baby so far seems fine, had an in depth 20 week scan and the first thing we saw was a pair of balls. My heart sunk, I cried and tried to pretend they were happy tears.

I was so relieved more than anything that he was fine. We had a name picked out if it was a boy so he's been Jago for several months now!

I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I am having a boy (reading that his testes should have descended kinda made it hit home!). My daughter is crazy, she loves everything, from fairies to cars, to playing with stickers and dancing to jumping in puddles (blame Peppa Pig!).

I now can't wait to meet my little man, I hate boys clothes and I'm still drawn to baby girls. I dislike how it's all joggers and trucks etc... I have seen a very pretty pink shirt in Next which I think he might have :) and I love all the smarter boys clothes that are around, little waistcoats, nice chino's and he WILL have a flat cap :)

There are upsides and downsides to both genders, however regardless of baby's flavour it will be your baby, that first cuddle is good, I won't say amazing, but it's lovely. When they smile at you for the first time your heart melts, and the first time they kiss you, hug you and say "I love you" is amazing. My little girl is a daddy's girl, I cannot wait for mummy's boy to be here.

:hugs: I hope you're doing well and are beginning to come to terms with having a little willy growing inside you (this freaked me out for WEEKS! :haha: ) :hugs: xx


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## ZombieQueen

Oh hun! I don't judge you at all, I personally want a boy more than anything, but I can already sense it's a girl, tons of girl dreams and since I found out I've been calling LO her/she. I know I'll be disappointed, and I know my hormones will only make me feel worse, but don't beat yourself up and don't try to force yourself to be happy. For now, even if you can't get excited about LO being a boy, at least be thrilled to have a healthy baby and try to focus on other good things. You may not get used to the idea or even be fond of having a boy until the day he arrives, but hun once you have him in your arms and he's looking up at you, you'll forget all about these hard times. Don't worry, I think a lot of people have preferences and a lot are disappointed, at least you can admit it and you're not hiding anything. Stay strong and just focus on keeping baby healthy :flower:


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## Arisa

I will be upset if its a boy and so will my DH. I guess with all the horrible things that happen to baby girls for example in china and the mutilation in africa it would be nice to bring a little girl into a country where either sex is praised and not just males. This was my SIL's philosophy because she felt terrible for all the unwanted and rejected baby girls around the world especially when a boy would be treated like a prince whereas over here the girl would be treated exactly the same only as a princess so yeah, it would be a blessing plus one day should she choose to have a baby herself, a girl will understand what her mother went through in pregnancy and labor which is something a man can never understand no matter how lovely and sweet they are, even my darling OH cannot grasp it because its something he will never have to do


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## kat2504

In the past I have not always been entirely sympathetic about these things but actually I can understand where you are coming from.

I recently found out I'm having a boy. It's a first baby after two miscarriages, so it really doesn't matter if its a boy or a girl, but I did have some secret hopes for a little girl. I guess a lot of women do. It isn't just about the pink dresses and stuff. I think we all hope for the mother daughter relationship. I can't honestly say that I wouldn't have been more excited to be told the baby was a girl. 

But actually, it doesn't matter. There's no saying my little boy will be into football and trucks. He might like reading and drawing, he might like cooking, he might like any number of things. There is a lot more to a person than just if they are male or female. Our babies will be special unique individuals whatever their gender. Also I'm quite fond of men. I'm living with one anyway! And if our little boy grows up to be as good a man as his daddy I will be ever so proud. And perhaps next time I'll have a little girl. If not, I'm sure two brothers would get on like a house on fire.


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## Saaaally

Some of these comments are really nasty, these forums are for support not bullying. 

I don't even know you but I'm so proud you admitted it, things can only work up :)

I was a little bit disappointed, as I am a real girly girl. I have no idea what boys do or like. But if you think about it, your little boy will be able to look after your little girl if you have one at school and stuff :D 

Chin up babe!

P.s, i live near you ;)

xxxxx


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## JackiePed

I have one of each, and I can say that there are such wonderful, endearing things about both genders. In fact, I was 'set up for' the ultimate 'gender disappointment', as I was told ds was a girl... we had all girl stuff, etc... and I delivered ... a BOY! I'm not sure if, had I been told via late ultrasound in third tri... "Oh wait... it's actually a boy" I may have been very disappointed, shocked, not known how to handle it, etc...
But because I found out the way I did, I didn't care one bit that it was not Summer Annelynne in my arms, but Trevor Michael instead! We have memories of laughing in the delivery room, not crying. My boy has brought me no less joy than my girl has, and vice-versa. 

Although I understand that what we feel IS what we feel, and we can't just magically 'turn it off'... I will say that the one thing we DO have power over is not to 'coddle' our reaction if it is one of disappointment. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but I think there's a difference between experiencing a feeling that you have little control over, and wallowing in it and allowing it to fester. That, I believe, is unfair to you! It robs you of your joy!
So... if you are disappointed... experience your disappointment... say it out loud if you need to... understand it's ok... but then do everything in your power to move forward, and to put it aside, and to get excited about your coming LO. The longer and more often you talk about it, think about it, etc... the more "real" the disappointment, feeling of being robbed, etc... becomes, and who wants to feel that way when their baby is on the way? We don't have control over our feelings, but we do have control over how we decide to move on from there. :hugs:


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## pixeldust

JackiePed said:


> Although I understand that what we feel IS what we feel, and we can't just magically 'turn it off'... I will say that the one thing we DO have power over is not to 'coddle' our reaction if it is one of disappointment. I hope that doesn't sound harsh, but I think there's a difference between experiencing a feeling that you have little control over, and wallowing in it and allowing it to fester. That, I believe, is unfair to you! It robs you of your joy!
> So... if you are disappointed... experience your disappointment... say it out loud if you need to... understand it's ok... but then do everything in your power to move forward, and to put it aside, and to get excited about your coming LO. The longer and more often you talk about it, think about it, etc... the more "real" the disappointment, feeling of being robbed, etc... becomes, and who wants to feel that way when their baby is on the way? We don't have control over our feelings, but we do have control over how we decide to move on from there. :hugs:

I think it's fair to think this way, but in reality I think a lot of GD stems from the disappointment of others. For me personally, it started when my DH was disappointed about having a boy (he really wanted a girl). Then it got worse when I called my mother to tell her, and she said "Oh, that's a shame" and hung up on me. Then worse again when my grandmother said "What a pity, I wanted a granddaughter". Then going shopping with my mother it got even worse when she would insist on picking up dresses and sighing loudly, not bothering to be involved in looking at anything else.

A lot of the time our feelings of GD are based on the disappointment of those around us, I think most of us who suffer from others opinions are people pleasers. I know I am. I felt like I let everyone down around me. 

And no matter how much I convinced myself that I loved this baby, that he was wanted, that I would get over it, that there were a million great things about only having sons, every time someone said something negative about me having a boy, and (for me personally) every time I read a thread announcing "I'm joining TEAM PINK! My beautiful PRINCESS is on her way!!!!11!" with 50 responses and every "TEAM BLUE" thread with 5, I died a little inside. With every comment about boys bad behaviour, how they destroy everything, how they are rough and dirty and horrible little creatures, I felt worse.

It's not easy to "get over it". Especially when you feel like every one around you is on a mission to make a big deal of it. No matter how much you want to.


----------



## JackiePed

What bizarre (and horrible) reactions to a boy joining the family... 
Separating yourself from them, if you have any other support at all, sounds to me like something I wouldn't blame you one bit for doing.

Do they know (not that they should need to be told!! :dohh:) how this affects you? 

It just makes me so angry that any family (or friends... or anyone) would inflict that kind of joy-robbing on anyone's pregnancy. And WHY in the world it would seem to affect THEM so much that they felt the need to go onnnnn and onnnnn about it..... it's not their baby!

I know it's not easy to 'get over it'... I think, after watching my mom deal with mental illness, that 'get over it' is a term used mostly by those who are ignorant of the reality of the issue. I don't understand it... but I have learned that 'get over it' is such a blatantly stupid thing to say or think... because if you feel it, and/or are experiencing it, it's real. Period.


----------



## pixeldust

JackiePed said:


> What bizarre (and horrible) reactions to a boy joining the family...
> Separating yourself from them, if you have any other support at all, sounds to me like something I wouldn't blame you one bit for doing.
> 
> Do they know (not that they should need to be told!! :dohh:) how this affects you?
> 
> It just makes me so angry that any family (or friends... or anyone) would inflict that kind of joy-robbing on anyone's pregnancy. And WHY in the world it would seem to affect THEM so much that they felt the need to go onnnnn and onnnnn about it..... it's not their baby!
> 
> I know it's not easy to 'get over it'... I think, after watching my mom deal with mental illness, that 'get over it' is a term used mostly by those who are ignorant of the reality of the issue. I don't understand it... but I have learned that 'get over it' is such a blatantly stupid thing to say or think... because if you feel it, and/or are experiencing it, it's real. Period.

It stupid, and selfish of people to project their wants regarding the baby's sex onto the pregnant woman... But it happens. I guess people are just inherently inconsiderate :nope:

I've had one positive comment this entire pregnancy, from my husbands grandmother (who raised him). She said "well aren't you clever!". I swear I could have kissed her :)


----------



## Lucy Lu

Hi ladies, hope you are starting to feel happier loulabelle. I can so relate. This is our last (planned!) child, and we already have a little boy, so I would love a daughter. I think I crave that typical mother/daughter relationship - I've definitely become closer to my mum since having our son. My mum helped a lot with feelings on gender early in this pregnancy, saying look how close she is to my brother, and that we could have a daughter who moves miles away and whose future family we don't see very often. Harsh but true. 

I think we have a stereotypical view in our mind of what constitutes a boy or a girl, and actually there's a whole spectrum of personalities within each gender, so does it really matter? Our little boy is already showing signs of not being your typical boy. Granted he is mad on his cars, and he does like to run around outside, but he is showing much more of a preference for sitting, and doing puzzles, reading books and playing very thoughtfully with his toys.

Having said all this, my overwhelming urge for a little girl has surfaced again this week. For weeks now, I've just been so excited about meeting our baby, regardless of the gender, but I'm now starting to get a little nervous about how I'm going to be after the birth. I just have no idea how I will react to a little boy. I'm sure I'll love him to bits, but if we don't have a little girl ever, I can't help but always feel I will have been missing something. It won't be about replacing the boys we have - more a bit of sadness that I won't get to have the daughter as well that I've so yearned for :flower:


----------



## xloulabellex

rwhite said:


> xloulabellex said:
> 
> 
> For everyone : thank you so much for your support on this issue.. it means alot <3
> 
> I am gradually doing much better.. mainly because three people around me have lost their baby in the past week (one being 38 weeks pregnant!)
> 
> So i'm currently not giving a shit what he/she is... I need him to be healthy! This week has been a total shock to my system. :(
> 
> <3 You're all so amazing, thank you again for your kind words. It's nice to know im' not alone. xxxx
> 
> I'm glad you're having a better time of things x It honestly does get better. I am so sorry for your friends' losses, how heartbreaking :cry:Click to expand...

Thank you hun.. one of them was my SILs baby.. she is/was due the day after me... she had to give birth to her little angel last week...

It's broken my heart in more ways then I ever imagined.. I thank GOD that my little baby is okay.

Fuck the gender.. I don't care anymore.

I went into the shop the other day, before I would have started crying at the sight of the girls clothes, knowing I cannot buy them.. NOW, I looked at them.. shrugged, and looked at all the little boy clothes.

We have got tons of amazingly gorgeous boy clothes recently and I can't wait to put him in them.

I can honestly say, I'm PROUD to be having my little Harley, and I cannot wait to meet him.

_*THANK YOU *_everyone who has given me support, I'm glad I have overcome this crap (although obviously, under horrific circumstances, I wish it didn't take my SIL to lose her baby to make me see this.) and I can't wait to hold my little froggy in my arms.


:kiss::kiss:


----------



## esst

Obviously I don't know what gender I'm having but I did notice DH has been calling "olive" him/he. He knows I've always said I wanted a boy as I grew up with two younger sisters but honestly, I'd be happy either way.

My DH's family would probably want a girl as he is one of two boys and only has two female cousins out of ten. My sister has both a girl and a boy but my extended family was mostly female cousins and then the three youngest were boys.


----------



## wellyboot

I contributed to this thread earlier, about how much I had wanted a girl in my first pregnancy and how it took me a bit longer to get used to a boy with my second.

From reading the threads through, and people talking about mother-daughter relationships, it's suddenly hit me that my set ideas about gender are to do grief over my Mum's death. My Mum died while I was pregnant, and I hadn't realised until now that I needed a girl because I was desperately missing my mother-daughter bond. And I hadn't twigged that the reason I keep wanting girls is because I still miss my Mum so much.

Thank-you so much, girls. By supporting the OP, you've also really opened my eyes, and helped me to understand why it is that I have these feelings. Now that I understand why I want my bump to be a little girl, I'll feel far less guilty if I feel some initial disappointment if it's a boy.

Welly xx


----------



## xloulabellex

wellyboot said:


> I contributed to this thread earlier, about how much I had wanted a girl in my first pregnancy and how it took me a bit longer to get used to a boy with my second.
> 
> From reading the threads through, and people talking about mother-daughter relationships, it's suddenly hit me that my set ideas about gender are to do grief over my Mum's death. My Mum died while I was pregnant, and I hadn't realised until now that I needed a girl because I was desperately missing my mother-daughter bond. And I hadn't twigged that the reason I keep wanting girls is because I still miss my Mum so much.
> 
> Thank-you so much, girls. By supporting the OP, you've also really opened my eyes, and helped me to understand why it is that I have these feelings. Now that I understand why I want my bump to be a little girl, I'll feel far less guilty if I feel some initial disappointment if it's a boy.
> 
> Welly xx

<3 You are so brave honey. Maybe adjust this to a mummy SON bond, you know how much a mummy means to you, and i'm so sorry you've had to go through what you have... so maybe bring the double amount of love into yourself for your son.

Hope you're okay. If YOU want to talk, feel free to inbox me xx


----------



## hellywelly

Hey loulabelle. I hope this helps with what I have to say.

When me and hubby found out we were pregnant - and people would ask - what would you prefer - we both said girl - we came up with the girls name instantly - we decided to remain team yellow, and when we tried to think of boys names we just couldn't think of one - only Harry.

Me and hubby are at an age where it is only really fair to have the one child. People would say to me why do you want a girl - I said simple - my mum is my best friend and I want the same. Whenever me and hubby went shopping we would be dazzled by the girls clothes and always remark how boring the boys clothes are ....

Everytime I went and had a midwives appointments I would always say to them 'well what do you think it is' - guess what - each one of them - 4 of them - said girl.

So three weeks ago yesterday I had my baby - Harry.

Honestly - and I am being really sincere - all of those feelings that I had - went straight out of the window. I don't feel guilty about wanting a girl for when I was carrying - but looking at Harry now - watching hubby with him - watching anyone with him - just looking at him - I would not want anything else in the world apart from him.

I really can relate to everything you have said - about trains, football all of that crap - blue clothes - the whole lot - but honestly when you see your bubba and you are holding him - you can't help it but love him - and through that love - everything will fall into place - one of my close friends said to me - 'at least you remain the princess of the house' xxxx


----------



## xloulabellex

hellywelly said:


> Hey loulabelle. I hope this helps with what I have to say.
> 
> When me and hubby found out we were pregnant - and people would ask - what would you prefer - we both said girl - we came up with the girls name instantly - we decided to remain team yellow, and when we tried to think of boys names we just couldn't think of one - only Harry.
> 
> Me and hubby are at an age where it is only really fair to have the one child. People would say to me why do you want a girl - I said simple - my mum is my best friend and I want the same. Whenever me and hubby went shopping we would be dazzled by the girls clothes and always remark how boring the boys clothes are ....
> 
> Everytime I went and had a midwives appointments I would always say to them 'well what do you think it is' - guess what - each one of them - 4 of them - said girl.
> 
> So three weeks ago yesterday I had my baby - Harry.
> 
> Honestly - and I am being really sincere - all of those feelings that I had - went straight out of the window. I don't feel guilty about wanting a girl for when I was carrying - but looking at Harry now - watching hubby with him - watching anyone with him - just looking at him - I would not want anything else in the world apart from him.
> 
> I really can relate to everything you have said - about trains, football all of that crap - blue clothes - the whole lot - but honestly when you see your bubba and you are holding him - you can't help it but love him - and through that love - everything will fall into place - one of my close friends said to me - 'at least you remain the princess of the house' xxxx

Someoen said similar to me :) "at least you'll be your OHs favourite girl still" hehe.

Harry is GORGEOUS <3 Congratulations x x


----------



## cantwaitforu

There is a reason for everything. I am having a boy, and I love him to pieces. I'm not going to lie though, I would be devastated in future pregnancies if I didn't get at least one girl. My parents and I are so close, so I would also love to go through all the special things girls experience in life with my own daughter. 

But there are also lots of special things only moms and sons can experience together. I will never understand the relationship my brother has with my parents - as it is different from mine - but strong nonetheless. 

My extended family openly expressed real disappointment in my baby being a boy (my cousin already has a boy, so they hoped that the next baby - mine - would be a girl). I can't tell you how pissed off I got and how protective I became of my little boy - I am genuinely thrilled about having a healthy little boy. He's a miracle to me as I was told four days before I got my BFP that I wouldn't be able to have children naturally. 

You are not wrong in feeling disappointed about all the superficial things a boy brings (blue clothing and trains and trucks), because, let's face it, dresses, head bands and little girl things are irresistable to many moms and moms-to be. 

But there will be soooooo much more to your relationship with him, it won't matter what you have to dress him in and what he wants to play with. Your heart will melt when you meet him, when he smiles at you, and even when he does something unbelievably boyish.


----------



## CeeDee

Loulabelle, I&#8217;m so glad you are feeling better.


----------



## Arisa

So this is a question for all the mummies with boys already, are they really slower to learn? All four of my nieces were walking, talking and using the potty between 18-24months but my two friends who have boys that are two have not even bothered trying to train them and their husbands said "its not my job to toilet train" (that makes me madder than anything personally) but they also do not talk well and one of them cannot even crawl, the other boys I see are walking before two but the not speaking or using the potty is an issue as are the baby clothes :( I was convinced I was having a girl and did see a lot of signs and I admit whenever I see a baby girl I burst into tears and wonder if this will spill out onto my LO

I do not know for certain but this stupid gender urine test I took said BOY :(
I want to be happy and if this was my second baby I would be over the moon because I have always wanted a girl and a boy but then again being pregnant is something to consider seriously before trying again

My friend is really miserable because she knew her first was going to be a boy and it was and she was convinced her second would be a girl and it wasn't and now she is living with two boys and is finding it so difficult >_<


----------



## JASMAK

When I was pregnant with my first..I wanted a girl...but I just KNEW he was a boy. I was sad by this, to be honest. I so so so wanted a girl. My twin sister had a girl first...I just didn't know even what to do with a boy!!! Even the day I delivered, the doctor hooked me up to monitors, looked at the heartbeat, and said "I guess boy" and I was upset. I was hoping he was wrong. Well, a short time later, my son was born via c-section. I heard his cry...and I cried. It was before they even announced he was a boy. As soon as I heard my baby cried...I knew he was mine, and I was his mommy. I still don't remember them saying "It's a boy", just his cry. Then everyone sang Happy Birthday, and I held him and kissed his sweet face. I never looked at him and though 'boy'. He was just my baby. I found clothes that I liked (and now I LOVE boy clothes) and the toys...well, I have to admit...I don't have a clue. I like going down the girl toy isle with my daughter's...but my son...he loves his mommy. He gives me snuggles (STILL - he is 8) and I still look at him and remember that cry. I can guarantee...your son will be the apple of your eye. x


----------



## JASMAK

Arisa said:


> *So this is a question for all the mummies with boys already, are they really slower to learn? *All four of my nieces were walking, talking and using the potty between 18-24months but my two friends who have boys that are two have not even bothered trying to train them and their husbands said "its not my job to toilet train" (that makes me madder than anything personally) but they also do not talk well and one of them cannot even crawl, the other boys I see are walking before two but the not speaking or using the potty is an issue as are the baby clothes :( I was convinced I was having a girl and did see a lot of signs and I admit whenever I see a baby girl I burst into tears and wonder if this will spill out onto my LO
> 
> I do not know for certain but this stupid gender urine test I took said BOY :(
> I want to be happy and if this was my second baby I would be over the moon because I have always wanted a girl and a boy but then again being pregnant is something to consider seriously before trying again
> 
> My friend is really miserable because she knew her first was going to be a boy and it was and she was convinced her second would be a girl and it wasn't and now she is living with two boys and is finding it so difficult >_<

No!! My son did everything first. He walked at 9mths. He potty trained in literally a day when he was just over 2 years old. He talked early. He is super smart. He is well behaved...and WAY easier than my girls. No drama!!! Best of all...he is a mamma's boy!! Oh...he also gets straight A's in school.


----------



## rwhite

Arisa said:


> So this is a question for all the mummies with boys already, are they really slower to learn? All four of my nieces were walking, talking and using the potty between 18-24months but my two friends who have boys that are two have not even bothered trying to train them and their husbands said "its not my job to toilet train" (that makes me madder than anything personally) but they also do not talk well and one of them cannot even crawl, the other boys I see are walking before two but the not speaking or using the potty is an issue as are the baby clothes :( I was convinced I was having a girl and did see a lot of signs and I admit whenever I see a baby girl I burst into tears and wonder if this will spill out onto my LO
> 
> I do not know for certain but this stupid gender urine test I took said BOY :(
> I want to be happy and if this was my second baby I would be over the moon because I have always wanted a girl and a boy but then again being pregnant is something to consider seriously before trying again
> 
> My friend is really miserable because she knew her first was going to be a boy and it was and she was convinced her second would be a girl and it wasn't and now she is living with two boys and is finding it so difficult >_<

I can't speak for everybody of course, but I think kids all vary. Some are lazy, some are super in to everything and just really advanced. Lachlan took a while to start crawling but when he did (at 10 months) he was off and great at it! Same with his walking, he started walking at 15 months but was brilliant at it when he started. But then I have a couple of friends I have met on here and their boys have learnt things super early. One friend's son was walking at 7 months :shock: And my other friend's son is just crazy advanced, like six months ahead of his age. He's such a smart wee thing.

Lachlan is a great talker for his age, if I do say so myself. It's amazing at this age how much they understand and while I used to worry about him when he was younger I hardly do any more. As for potty training...most kids aren't potty trained until two and a half at the earliest. Any earlier than that is, well, early. I think I was potty trained at three, and I'm a girl so there we go :thumbup:

Don't be worried about the Intelligender test - they are a load of shite, it's been proven time and time again. They're just for fun and who knows, the result can probably be altered by what you've had for lunch :shrug: I wouldn't put any stead in it at all!

And I promise you if you are having a boy a) being upset about him won't carry over to him at all...unless of course you starve yourself :haha: and b) you _will_ love him. You will have your shitty days (I still have mine) and you will probably still want a daughter, but when he arrives it just won't matter, he will be your little spark. When I have bad GD days it's not even to do with my son because he is perfection in my eyes, it's just me dealing with my inner turmoil about not having a daughter.

:hugs:


----------



## Arisa

rwhite said:


> Arisa said:
> 
> 
> So this is a question for all the mummies with boys already, are they really slower to learn? All four of my nieces were walking, talking and using the potty between 18-24months but my two friends who have boys that are two have not even bothered trying to train them and their husbands said "its not my job to toilet train" (that makes me madder than anything personally) but they also do not talk well and one of them cannot even crawl, the other boys I see are walking before two but the not speaking or using the potty is an issue as are the baby clothes :( I was convinced I was having a girl and did see a lot of signs and I admit whenever I see a baby girl I burst into tears and wonder if this will spill out onto my LO
> 
> I do not know for certain but this stupid gender urine test I took said BOY :(
> I want to be happy and if this was my second baby I would be over the moon because I have always wanted a girl and a boy but then again being pregnant is something to consider seriously before trying again
> 
> My friend is really miserable because she knew her first was going to be a boy and it was and she was convinced her second would be a girl and it wasn't and now she is living with two boys and is finding it so difficult >_<
> 
> I can't speak for everybody of course, but I think kids all vary. Some are lazy, some are super in to everything and just really advanced. Lachlan took a while to start crawling but when he did (at 10 months) he was off and great at it! Same with his walking, he started walking at 15 months but was brilliant at it when he started. But then I have a couple of friends I have met on here and their boys have learnt things super early. One friend's son was walking at 7 months :shock: And my other friend's son is just crazy advanced, like six months ahead of his age. He's such a smart wee thing.
> 
> Lachlan is a great talker for his age, if I do say so myself. It's amazing at this age how much they understand and while I used to worry about him when he was younger I hardly do any more. As for potty training...most kids aren't potty trained until two and a half at the earliest. Any earlier than that is, well, early. I think I was potty trained at three, and I'm a girl so there we go :thumbup:
> 
> Don't be worried about the Intelligender test - *they are a load of shite*, it's been proven time and time again. They're just for fun and who knows, the result can probably be altered by what you've had for lunch :shrug: I wouldn't put any stead in it at all!
> 
> And I promise you if you are having a boy a) being upset about him won't carry over to him at all...unless of course you starve yourself :haha: and b) you _will_ love him. You will have your shitty days (I still have mine) and you will probably still want a daughter, but when he arrives it just won't matter, he will be your little spark. When I have bad GD days it's not even to do with my son because he is perfection in my eyes, it's just me dealing with my inner turmoil about not having a daughter.
> 
> :hugs:Click to expand...

:hugs: Hey again, thanks so so so so much for your reply. wow walking at 15 months? thats advanced to me :D heck I was not even attempting to walk until 18 months but I was talking very early and using the toilet, mind you I was a tidy type of girl and my sisters took longer to learn to use the potty. My cousins girl was three before she could pee on her own so it does vary I guess. Your little boy sounds perfect with the talking and walking thing and I read that boys tend to crawl and walk faster is this true?
Hey as long as they both, boy or girl finally learn to sleep at night that would be a blessing :happydance:


LOL that made me laugh it is a load of shite really considering the chinese gender test is supposedly 75% accurate and it says girl for me, it also was right with mum who had three girls and it was correct for my SIL who based on her age and month of conception had a boy this time round and it was also right for my cousin, hmmm a little eerie lol

The main GD will come from the adorable dress I purchased last year when I really felt after praying about it that I would have a girl one day, i think if not this time then possibly next time? Maybe its the same for you, you could end up with a girl next time?????:hugs::hugs:


----------



## BradysMum

I have 2 boys that have developed at completely different speeds. Brady was an early walker, talker and was fully potty trained by 28 months. Jacob is 21 months now, and he walks, but doesn't talk and isn't anywhere near potty training, I won't be thinking about even mentioning the word potty to him for at least another 6 months. He says a few words but thats it. At the same age Brady was talking loads. All kids are different.


----------



## Andypanda6570

JASMAK said:


> Arisa said:
> 
> 
> *So this is a question for all the mummies with boys already, are they really slower to learn? *All four of my nieces were walking, talking and using the potty between 18-24months but my two friends who have boys that are two have not even bothered trying to train them and their husbands said "its not my job to toilet train" (that makes me madder than anything personally) but they also do not talk well and one of them cannot even crawl, the other boys I see are walking before two but the not speaking or using the potty is an issue as are the baby clothes :( I was convinced I was having a girl and did see a lot of signs and I admit whenever I see a baby girl I burst into tears and wonder if this will spill out onto my LO
> 
> I do not know for certain but this stupid gender urine test I took said BOY :(
> I want to be happy and if this was my second baby I would be over the moon because I have always wanted a girl and a boy but then again being pregnant is something to consider seriously before trying again
> 
> My friend is really miserable because she knew her first was going to be a boy and it was and she was convinced her second would be a girl and it wasn't and now she is living with two boys and is finding it so difficult >_<
> 
> No!! My son did everything first. He walked at 9mths. He potty trained in literally a day when he was just over 2 years old. He talked early. He is super smart. He is well behaved...and WAY easier than my girls. No drama!!! Best of all...he is a mamma's boy!! Oh...he also gets straight A's in school.Click to expand...

Nooo that is SO not true. I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and my youngest walked at 11 months and waved his hand bye bye at 6 months. I think those are myths for sure. I will tell you the only difference I see with boys (mine anyway) they were a bit easier to raise. All my friends have girls and are going crazy with them especially when they hit 13, that is the age it starts according to them. But I know one thing when the girls become in their twenties they become your best friend and your including in a lot of things more than the boys mom meaning the wedding and pregnancy (Not saying everyone just a lot of what I have seen and was not true for me cause I love my MIL alot) My boys love me I know but they go on their own, my middle one has a girlfriend for 2 years and I can see already i come second and they are not even married yet :dohh::dohh::dohh: but usually not all the time it is the girls that stay with the mom through their marriage and other stuff. I am a wonderful daughter in law so for me I am hoping I get at least one nice one, cause I am going to have 3 of them :huh::huh::huh::huh:

I believe strongly in Karma so i figure I am a nice person and I love my MIL so maybe I will get a DIL that loves me back too.. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## xloulabellex

Andypanda6570 said:


> JASMAK said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Arisa said:
> 
> 
> *So this is a question for all the mummies with boys already, are they really slower to learn? *All four of my nieces were walking, talking and using the potty between 18-24months but my two friends who have boys that are two have not even bothered trying to train them and their husbands said "its not my job to toilet train" (that makes me madder than anything personally) but they also do not talk well and one of them cannot even crawl, the other boys I see are walking before two but the not speaking or using the potty is an issue as are the baby clothes :( I was convinced I was having a girl and did see a lot of signs and I admit whenever I see a baby girl I burst into tears and wonder if this will spill out onto my LO
> 
> I do not know for certain but this stupid gender urine test I took said BOY :(
> I want to be happy and if this was my second baby I would be over the moon because I have always wanted a girl and a boy but then again being pregnant is something to consider seriously before trying again
> 
> My friend is really miserable because she knew her first was going to be a boy and it was and she was convinced her second would be a girl and it wasn't and now she is living with two boys and is finding it so difficult >_<
> 
> No!! My son did everything first. He walked at 9mths. He potty trained in literally a day when he was just over 2 years old. He talked early. He is super smart. He is well behaved...and WAY easier than my girls. No drama!!! Best of all...he is a mamma's boy!! Oh...he also gets straight A's in school.Click to expand...
> 
> Nooo that is SO not true. I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and my youngest walked at 11 months and waved his hand bye bye at 6 months. I think those are myths for sure. I will tell you the only difference I see with boys (mine anyway) they were a bit easier to raise. All my friends have girls and are going crazy with them especially when they hit 13, that is the age it starts according to them. But I know one thing when the girls become in there twenties they become your best friend and your including in a lot of things more than the boys mom meaning the wedding and pregnancy (Not saying everyone just a lot of what I have seen and was not true for me cause I love my MIL alot) My boys love me I know but they go on their own, my middle one has a girlfriend for 2 years and I can see already i come second and they are not even married yet :dohh::dohh::dohh: but usually not all the time it is the girls that stay with the mom through their marriage and other stuff. I am a wonderful daughter in law so for me I am hoping I get at least one nice one, cause I am going to have 3 of them :huh::huh::huh::huh:
> 
> I believe strongly in Karma so i figure I am a nice person and I love my MIL so maybe I will get a DIL that loves me back too.. :hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

See, I actually thought that boys were meant to be brighter anyway..

Either way, I think it's completely different per child, depending on their parents, teaching, and thirst to learn I guess :)

AndyPanda.. I bet you'll have a DIL that loves you TONS! I definately love my MIL so much, and she knows it. Like a second mum :) xx


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## kiki04

Well I didnt read this whole thread but here is my say on the OP...

I always always always wanted girls when I was growing up. I got pg with my first hoping for a girl. When HE was born... (a surprise) I was instantly in love. He was mine :cloud9: He was perfect and he was here :cloud9: He was just the funniest and funnest thing ever! He was fat, and rough, and seriously hilarious... how could you not love him. Then I got pg with #2. Again it was to be a surprise. Again it was a boy. And the minute he was born I was in love :cloud9: I had 2 boys, less then 2 years apart... they were going to be buddies!! And now they are :cloud9: Then 3 years later, pg again... this time I was finding out! No more surprises... and it was my girl :cloud9: I am sooo in love with my boys and now I get my girl. If I ever had to redo it... I wouldn't change a thing! I have to boys close together in age to grow up little buddies and be the bestest big brothers to their little sister. It is absolutely perfect!~ I then got pg with #4 and sadly, like Andrea (Andypanda) lost her at 17 weeks. :cry: My daughter so wanted to be a big sister and it would have been amazing to have 2 boys then 2 girls.. but as it stands right now, my boys are soooo protective over their little sister. She is a princess in their eyes. They will sit outside her door if she is in timeout and ask me if she can come out yet. If Riley (ds#2) is being pushed around at school.. big brother Tyler to the rescue!! :happydance: We will be trying again, hopefully be pg SOON... but I dont care about the gender... because you will soon find out, the second you hear him cry, you wont even have to see him and you will be so in love with him it wont even matter. Then when you hold him, your whole body will feel nothing but wonderment on how you made such a beautiful little boy. He will be so tiny and warm and dependant on you and you will want to give him the world :cloud9: And you will :thumbup:

As far as boys being slower... oh hell no!My first... a boy... could pick up a book at 3 years old and read simple words.. at mat, rat, mom, dad and words like that. By the time he was 4 he could read a whole beginner book himself and went into kindergarten at 5 yrs old being ahead of most grade one children. He was walking at 10 months and talking FULL SENTENCES "May I have juice please?" at 18 months. :thumbup:

My daughter on the other hand... is 4.5 and is having a hard time learning to write her name for petes sake :dohh: Every child is different but I promise you, the instant he is born... none of this will matter... cuz he will be your and he will be here :cloud9:


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## mnjhowell

Sounds like maybe your really not ready for motherhood and still living a pipe dream. It's a baby that did not choose to be born or be a boy. I agree with your husband.


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## rwhite

mnjhowell said:


> Sounds like maybe your really not ready for motherhood and still living a pipe dream. It's a baby that did not choose to be born or be a boy. I agree with your husband.

Not the most helpful piece of advice in the world :coffee:


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## staralfur

mnjhowell said:


> Sounds like maybe your really not ready for motherhood and still living a pipe dream. It's a baby that did not choose to be born or be a boy. I agree with your husband.

What a horrible and completely unnecessary thing to say. :nope:


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## mnjhowell

It wasn't horrible or unnecessary. She asked and I told her what I thought, food for thought and sugar coating things gets no one anywhere. If she can stop and think about how this baby might feel that it is not wanted as much as a girl maybe she will realize this is being totally selfish and unnecessary.


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## pixeldust

mnjhowell said:


> It wasn't horrible or unnecessary. She asked and I told her what I thought, food for thought and sugar coating things gets no one anywhere. If she can stop and think about how this baby might feel that it is not wanted as much as a girl maybe she will realize this is being totally selfish and unnecessary.


She asked "Don't judge or hate me on this post" and "Anyone else relate"?

You obviously don't relate, and you didn't offer anything except judgement. Pat yourself on the back all you like, that WAS horrible and unnecessary.


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## JackiePed

Not to mention, had you read through this entire thread, not ONLY would you know how genuine her struggle is to 'get over' this, but you'd also see that 2 pages back she has come around to a very different way of thinking... so your comment was totally pointless too.


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## xloulabellex

mnjhowell said:


> It wasn't horrible or unnecessary. She asked and I told her what I thought, food for thought and sugar coating things gets no one anywhere. If she can stop and think about how this baby might feel that it is not wanted as much as a girl maybe she will realize this is being totally selfish and unnecessary.

I can honestly say I DON'T think I am being selfish or unnecessary.. I am human.

Due to sadness in my family with a close relative MCing.. I can say I no longer care about gender...

But considering I asked if anyone could relate in my origional post.. A simple "No I don't" would have been better, rather than accusing me of not deserving my child because I am selfish and living in a pipe dream.


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## Andypanda6570

mnjhowell said:


> It wasn't horrible or unnecessary. She asked and I told her what I thought, food for thought and sugar coating things gets no one anywhere. If she can stop and think about how this baby might feel that it is not wanted as much as a girl maybe she will realize this is being totally selfish and unnecessary.

It was unnecessary :flower: I have 3 boys and before I lost my Ava do you think I wanted another boy>>> Do you think I was not wishing for a girl.. After I lost her at 20 weeks that is when I realized that even if she was a boy I would not have cared, that baby would have been so wanted and so loved like my other boys. After i had my first son at age 21 ( I am 41) do you think I was not praying for my next to be a girl, then I had another boy at 23 and again was I not wishing for my little girl?? It is a normal feeling and a normal emotion and has NOTHING to do with being selfish, once she sees her baby, gender will not even come into her mind, just loving and protecting that child will be her instinct. So try not to be to hard on people, cause one day you might need a kind word said to you... :flower::flower:


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## mnjhowell

I related with your husband. I have a group of friends that I met in 2007 while we are going through fertility treatments that would die to just be pregnant. So yes I do find it selfish but this is an open forum and not everyone is going to agree with what people have to say.


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## Andypanda6570

mnjhowell said:


> I related with your husband. I have a group of friends that I met in 2007 while we are going through fertility treatments that would die to just be pregnant. So yes I do find it selfish but this is an open forum and not everyone is going to agree with what people have to say.

It is selfish to people who can't have a baby , lost a baby, but when it is your first baby it is a natural expectation, I know I had those too . I do understand what you are saying, but you need to understand if a person never has experienced a loss or the beautiful feeling of being able to carry a baby of course they are going to say oh I want a boy or I want a girl. I have 3 boys and with my first I wanted a boy cause i just wanted my oldest to be a boy, who the hell would have known that I would never have a girl and go on to have 2 more boys:wacko::wacko::wacko: Then get pregnant at age 40 by total accident and finally get my girl and loose her. Life is just that way, i do understand what you mean, but I also remember being 21 and wanting that doctor to say it's a boy, i just didn't want a girl. I am 41 now so I understand more, as you get older you understand , she is not saying she would love the baby any less she just wanted a specific gender, we all did at some point. 
I wish you all the best ...:hugs:


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## xloulabellex

mnjhowell said:


> I related with your husband. I have a group of friends that I met in 2007 while we are going through fertility treatments that would die to just be pregnant. So yes I do find it selfish but this is an open forum and not everyone is going to agree with what people have to say.

Each to their own, and i'm sorry you went through trouble falling pregnant, and i'm happy for you that you are now, congratulations.

That is your opinion, I personally do not think I am selfish, I KNOW that this is a genuine issue with many woman across the world, and not every single woman, in the thousands, are selfish. 
I do not think I deserve my baby less than anyone else on this website. I have recovered a lot of personal issues/health issues to make sure this baby is healthy. I deserve this baby so much and I don't doubt that for one second.. gender thoughts or not.

I am so excited to meet my little man now, and wouldn't change him for the world. He has a personality already just from being in my tummy, with every kick he does.

You are right, not everybody will agree on this forum..and right now, I disagree with you and I am offended. But from the sounds of it.. so are you. So.. there we go. Agree to disagree.

Take care and good luck, I wish you 9 months of a happy & healthy pregnancy.


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## x_Rainbow_x

Personally i will never understand Gender disappointment, but only because i went through so much pain and hurt trying to have a child that when i did i actually didnt care what my baby was. 
BUT... i was told at 16 weeks i was having a girl. and i went mad with girl stuff, picked her name everything. Then everyone polluted my mind that baby looked like a boy, and they could be wrong... i went into my 20 week scan holding my breath because if she told me my girl was now a boy i was gunna have a breakdown. Not because i didnt want a boy but i was so used to a girl that it would be weird that she was a he... luckily my girl was still very much a lady at all scans. so i can see when you convince yourself with a sex how daunting it can be if baby turns out to be the other. 

I can see youv come to terms with having a boy, and think of it this way, boys are all mummy. They want there mum :D all girls want there daddys lol 

Just think doesnt mater weather girl or boy your gunna have a little person that will depend on you, love you and need you always. even when there grown up people always need there parents :)


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## xloulabellex

Tracie87 said:


> Personally i will never understand Gender disappointment, but only because i went through so much pain and hurt trying to have a child that when i did i actually didnt care what my baby was.
> BUT... i was told at 16 weeks i was having a girl. and i went mad with girl stuff, picked her name everything. Then everyone polluted my mind that baby looked like a boy, and they could be wrong... i went into my 20 week scan holding my breath because if she told me my girl was now a boy i was gunna have a breakdown. Not because i didnt want a boy but i was so used to a girl that it would be weird that she was a he... luckily my girl was still very much a lady at all scans. so i can see when you convince yourself with a sex how daunting it can be if baby turns out to be the other.
> 
> I can see youv come to terms with having a boy, and think of it this way, boys are all mummy. They want there mum :D all girls want there daddys lol
> 
> Just think doesnt mater weather girl or boy your gunna have a little person that will depend on you, love you and need you always. even when there grown up people always need there parents :)

Congratulations on your DD :) not long now!!

Yeah, well.. they depend on you so much NOW, it can only grow stronger hey.

I can't wait to meet him and have a little mummies boy.. plus, I won't have to fight for female affection with my Fiance hey, i'll still be the only girl in his life hehe!


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## x_Rainbow_x

exactly... think how i feel... i asked for a new pet because my little girl will be a daddys girl and il be left out haha


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## vicky_w

I was exactly the same with my first! I was desperate for a girl, I even brought loads of baby girl stuff and then I found it was a boy and I was devastated but after a while i came to terms with it and when he was born I fell in love with him! Hes 4 now and he's such a mommas boy! I wouldnt have him any other way. Good luck and congratulations!


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## xloulabellex

Tracie87 said:


> exactly... think how i feel... i asked for a new pet because my little girl will be a daddys girl and il be left out haha

LOL bless you


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## xloulabellex

vicky_w said:


> I was exactly the same with my first! I was desperate for a girl, I even brought loads of baby girl stuff and then I found it was a boy and I was devastated but after a while i came to terms with it and when he was born I fell in love with him! Hes 4 now and he's such a mommas boy! I wouldnt have him any other way. Good luck and congratulations!

I was going to buy boy stuff in beginning cos I KNEW it was gonna be a boy.. should have done really lol!

Awww :)

Thank you x x


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## staralfur

mnjhowell said:


> It wasn't horrible or unnecessary. She asked and I told her what I thought, food for thought and sugar coating things gets no one anywhere. If she can stop and think about how this baby might feel that it is not wanted as much as a girl maybe she will realize this is being totally selfish and unnecessary.

Um, it IS a horrible thing to say. I don't understand how you think it's appropriate to imply that someone isn't ready to be a mother just because you don't understand where they're coming from. Plus if you read any of her posts in this thread you can see quite obviously that she's a great mother already. 

Offer up your opinion all you want, and it's fine to agree with her OH (I'm sure many do), but maybe think about phrasing things with a little more tact before hitting 'Submit'.


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## mnjhowell

I said that because it's in a medical journal. Women who have gender disappointment and postpartum depression may actually be having issues with motherhood and what it means and what is given up. It was not tacky or rude or inappropriate y'all are just being super sensitive and saying what you think someone wants to hear helps no one. I have a masters degree in nursing with a specialty in maternal health and I have learned to state the obvious and not beat around the bush. 

[/QUOTE]Um, it IS a horrible thing to say. I don't understand how you think it's appropriate to imply that someone isn't ready to be a mother just because you don't understand where they're coming from. Plus if you read any of her posts in this thread you can see quite obviously that she's a great mother already. 

Offer up your opinion all you want, and it's fine to agree with her OH (I'm sure many do), but maybe think about phrasing things with a little more tact before hitting 'Submit'.[/QUOTE]


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## rwhite

Tracie87 said:


> Personally i will never understand Gender disappointment, but only because i went through so much pain and hurt trying to have a child that when i did i actually didnt care what my baby was.
> BUT... i was told at 16 weeks i was having a girl. and i went mad with girl stuff, picked her name everything. Then everyone polluted my mind that baby looked like a boy, and they could be wrong... i went into my 20 week scan holding my breath because if she told me my girl was now a boy i was gunna have a breakdown. Not because i didnt want a boy but i was so used to a girl that it would be weird that she was a he... luckily my girl was still very much a lady at all scans. so i can see when you convince yourself with a sex how daunting it can be if baby turns out to be the other.
> 
> I can see youv come to terms with having a boy, and think of it this way, boys are all mummy. They want there mum :D all girls want there daddys lol
> 
> Just think doesnt mater weather girl or boy your gunna have a little person that will depend on you, love you and need you always. even when there grown up people always need there parents :)

See, _this_ post is a great example of what would have been better tact. Honest (she states at the beginning of her post that she doesn't understand being disappointed about gender) but she is respectful about it. She does not use put downs ("living a pipe dream" etc) and she offers helpful advice, not a guilt trip - despite the fact that she herself has struggled with infertility. You wouldn't believe how often the heartbreaking topics of loss and infertility are brought up when gender disappointment is discussed and yes of course we are overjoyed to have healthy children. 

I think you'll find that not everything is as black and white as you appear to view it as being and if you are not willing to look at things from another's point of view then it's a little bit pointless berating people for feelings that they cannot help.


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## JASMAK

mnjhowell said:


> Sounds like maybe your really not ready for motherhood and still living a pipe dream. It's a baby that did not choose to be born or be a boy. I agree with your husband.

Mean!!! A pipe dream?! Are you for real? You are right, no one chooses to be a boy or a girl, but YOU can choose to be rude or not. If you don't get it, fine. Haveing gender dissapointment is a VAILD feeling. Of course she loves her baby...this has nothing to do with that. OK, off to your perfect world...


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## Pussycat

The thing with gender disappointment is that nobody WANTS to feel it. Nobody wants to have a baby that is not what they feel they wanted. Everybody wants to feel an immediate bond with whoever is growing in their tummy, but not everybody does. It's not a choice.

If you can't relate to it then good for you, it's like if you've never actually suffered from, say for example, depression, then you won't know what it's like for people who do suffer, and most of us would agree than saying to someone with depression 'pull yourself together, you've got lots to feel grateful for, smile' is going to be tactless and unhelpful. People with depression don't want to feel so down but they can't help it.

People who suffer with Gender Disappointment don't want to feel the way they do either. They can't help it.


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## xloulabellex

Pussycat said:


> The thing with gender disappointment is that nobody WANTS to feel it. Nobody wants to have a baby that is not what they feel they wanted. Everybody wants to feel an immediate bond with whoever is growing in their tummy, but not everybody does. It's not a choice.
> 
> If you can't relate to it then good for you, it's like if you've never actually suffered from, say for example, depression, then you won't know what it's like for people who do suffer, and most of us would agree than saying to someone with depression 'pull yourself together, you've got lots to feel grateful for, smile' is going to be tactless and unhelpful. People with depression don't want to feel so down but they can't help it.
> 
> People who suffer with Gender Disappointment don't want to feel the way they do either. They can't help it.

Exactly. I was gaining NOTHING for feeling like this, why would I WANT to be upset?

ANYWAY.... I guess this is over as I am over it, and I appreciate eveyones support (who's given it) and I can't wait to take on the next chapter of my life with a little child.

x


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## rwhite

xloulabellex said:


> Pussycat said:
> 
> 
> The thing with gender disappointment is that nobody WANTS to feel it. Nobody wants to have a baby that is not what they feel they wanted. Everybody wants to feel an immediate bond with whoever is growing in their tummy, but not everybody does. It's not a choice.
> 
> If you can't relate to it then good for you, it's like if you've never actually suffered from, say for example, depression, then you won't know what it's like for people who do suffer, and most of us would agree than saying to someone with depression 'pull yourself together, you've got lots to feel grateful for, smile' is going to be tactless and unhelpful. People with depression don't want to feel so down but they can't help it.
> 
> People who suffer with Gender Disappointment don't want to feel the way they do either. They can't help it.
> 
> Exactly. I was gaining NOTHING for feeling like this, why would I WANT to be upset?
> 
> ANYWAY.... I guess this is over as I am over it, and I appreciate eveyones support (who's given it) and I can't wait to take on the next chapter of my life with a little child.
> 
> xClick to expand...

:hugs: So pleased for you that it was short lived. Perhaps you had more gender desire than full blown gender disappointment, I am so pleased for you that you are feeling better about everything x It would possibly be worth messaging an admin (any will do) and asking that they lock this thread seeing as it's done it's job :flow:


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## xloulabellex

rwhite said:


> xloulabellex said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Pussycat said:
> 
> 
> The thing with gender disappointment is that nobody WANTS to feel it. Nobody wants to have a baby that is not what they feel they wanted. Everybody wants to feel an immediate bond with whoever is growing in their tummy, but not everybody does. It's not a choice.
> 
> If you can't relate to it then good for you, it's like if you've never actually suffered from, say for example, depression, then you won't know what it's like for people who do suffer, and most of us would agree than saying to someone with depression 'pull yourself together, you've got lots to feel grateful for, smile' is going to be tactless and unhelpful. People with depression don't want to feel so down but they can't help it.
> 
> People who suffer with Gender Disappointment don't want to feel the way they do either. They can't help it.
> 
> Exactly. I was gaining NOTHING for feeling like this, why would I WANT to be upset?
> 
> ANYWAY.... I guess this is over as I am over it, and I appreciate eveyones support (who's given it) and I can't wait to take on the next chapter of my life with a little child.
> 
> xClick to expand...
> 
> :hugs: So pleased for you that it was short lived. Perhaps you had more gender desire than full blown gender disappointment, I am so pleased for you that you are feeling better about everything x It would possibly be worth messaging an admin (any will do) and asking that they lock this thread seeing as it's done it's job :flow:Click to expand...

Good plan, thanks :) I shall track one down! xx


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## Sunshine12

mnjhowell said:
 

> *It wasn't horrible or unnecessary.* She asked and I told her what I thought, food for thought and sugar coating things gets no one anywhere. If she can stop and think about how this baby might feel that it is not wanted as much as a girl maybe she will realize this is being totally selfish and unnecessary.


Errr, yes it was. To suggest that someone might not yet be ready for motherhood because of this is utterly ridiculous and you are clearly uneducated as to how common these feelings actually are (despite your masters degree which, in any case, is of absolutely no relevance to this whatsoever). 

I would prefer to have a girl rather than a boy. Does that mean at the age of 38 that Im not ready to be a mother. What a load of tosh!!


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## Vickie

thread closed at OP's request


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