# How too make baby come early??



## Shocklee16

Anyone know how too make the baby come a little early? Ive heard of alot of things...but anyone know of a sure way too make it happen a little bit faster??


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## happyladybugg

My guy came 3 weeks early but I didn't do anything to make him come early, I dont think??...I got a pregnancy massage on a Wednesday which gave me a tiny bit of cramping, on that Friday I got an internal from the dr to check dilation was 3 cm, had bloody show on Saturday (it started very light on Friday tho) and was in full blown labor in the wee hours of the morning that Sunday.
Pregnancy massage or internal check by the dr?? one of those might have sped things up for me, I'm not too sure.


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## happymamma

If you're thinking of now, at 34 weeks, that kinda scares me! Wait til 37 weeks then try to self induce. Im sure the baby would be ok, but why take the chance? Besides, if you were to go into labour now, the dr's would prob try to stop labour. I know how you feel thou, Im only 30 weeks and had enough . xxx


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## rwhite

Wish I could help hun, but I don't think baby really comes until they're ready :shrug: I've been trying! Even tried my breast pump because apparently it can start contractions, but only got out a few drops of colostrum..then freaked that I wouldn't replenish it if I kept pumping, so have stopped before it had the chance to do too much :rofl: 

Desperate as I am, I figure all that's left to do is wait, really :shrug:
x


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## WhosThatGirl

Unless your body is ready nothing will work. If your body/baby/cervix arent ready you can walk alll youwant, eat all the funny foods you want, have all the sex you want and it wont do a thing. BUT if your body IS ready and your cervix favorable, sex, nipple stimulation, walking, spicey foods can all help jump start labor. But wait until 37-38 weeks!!


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## tiger

happyladybugg said:


> My guy came 3 weeks early but I didn't do anything to make him come early, I dont think??...I got a pregnancy massage on a Wednesday which gave me a tiny bit of cramping, on that Friday I got an internal from the dr to check dilation was 3 cm, had bloody show on Saturday (it started very light on Friday tho) and was in full blown labor in the wee hours of the morning that Sunday.
> Pregnancy massage or internal check by the dr?? one of those might have sped things up for me, I'm not too sure.

I agree that you have to wait until 37ish weeks before self inducing- but i have to wonder about the above comment, because i know of 2 other women on this forum who got a pregnancy massage and went into labour within 48hrs!!! must be because it is sooo relaxing. im actually going to book myself in for one to see if it works lol


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## insomnimama

I wouldn't recommend trying to speed things up till at least 39 weeks- doctors here are now only booking C-sections after 39 weeks as before that there is a much greater risk of breathing problems (and associated brain damage / mortality). You'll go into labour when you go into labour. 

I know it feels like forever. :hugs:


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## LogansMama

Welll- I think I'm gonna go get one of those massages! SOunds great... and if it doesn;t work - who cares!


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## MiissMuffet

at 34 weeks !?!? you've got to be joking!!! :shock:
Try in a few weeks :thumbup: xx


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## Seity

hahaha - try anything you want, but the baby will come when it's good and ready!


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## happyladybugg

The pregnancy massage was so delightful and I agree with everyone else 34 weeks is way too early!!! Book yourself a pregnancy massage but wait until you're full term just to be on the safe side.


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## DueMarch2nd

I have just been reading that relaxation helps baby come. So that explains why massages work. But wait til you are further along. You probably already know that and are hopefully asking in preparation rather than asking for tips to do now.

With the full moons help last night (sunday)i tried spicy food and walking and sex and still no labour and my due date is tomorow (tuesday) so bubs will certainly decide when the time is right, there is no rushing it. 

Today I will be trying a hot bath and calming relaxing thoughts. Worth a try.


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## 1st_timer

I have been having pregnancy massages through out pregnancy (last one just over a week ago) they are fab but haven't bought baby along any quicker.

My midwife suggested sex twice a day, spicey food and pineapple. I'm also taking epo and bathing in clary sage. As the other girls said wait until youre at least 37 weeks...and tbh with you I think baby comes when baby wants to. I don't think there is a whole you can do.

xxx


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## insomnimama

I would recommend against spicy food when you are actually close to dates- many (if not most) women vomit and/or have diarrhea during the transition phase of labour and it BURNS when it's going out the wrong way. :rofl:


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## Rozie_1985

MiissMuffet said:


> at 34 weeks !?!? you've got to be joking!!! :shock:

In fairness the OP didn't say at 34 weeks, she said a little early. Maybe she meant 39 weeks?


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## alibaba24

Id want to let my let baby come when its ready, at the mo your babies still developing its lungs which is so important. Having an early baby isnt always fun imagine if baby came now would you want to be sitting in special care with baby or have a full term baby and have bub at home, I know what id chose, Think how lucky you Are to still be carrying and keep feeling luck when you are full term :) xx


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## thechaosismex

I think if there was a "sure fired" way people wouldn't ever go overdue! No amount of anything will make bubs come quicker than when he/she is good and ready :thumbup:


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## katzone

insomnimama said:


> I would recommend against spicy food when you are actually close to dates- many (if not most) women vomit and/or have diarrhea during the transition phase of labour and it BURNS when it's going out the wrong way. :rofl:

Yep I had both! Thank god I didn't have a curry the night before :haha:


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## MiissMuffet

Rozie_1985 said:


> MiissMuffet said:
> 
> 
> at 34 weeks !?!? you've got to be joking!!! :shock:
> 
> In fairness the OP didn't say at 34 weeks, she said a little early. Maybe she meant 39 weeks?Click to expand...

hmmm, fair point :thumbup: x


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## DueMarch2nd

insomnimama said:


> I would recommend against spicy food when you are actually close to dates- many (if not most) women vomit and/or have diarrhea during the transition phase of labour and *it BURNS when it's going out *the wrong way. :rofl:

yup! that was all my vindaloo managed to do. :haha::loo:


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## Unicus

The is no sure fire way... If there were all babies would be born bang on time and women would hardly ever need to be induced by the hospital. Would be great if there were a definate way... Imagine how organised we would all be :) x


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## trashit

everyone has pretty much summed it up, nothing works, your baby will come when it very well wishes. Dont try things at 34 weeks... thats ridiculous.


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## Aidan's Mummy

You dont want the baby to come yet! It is still getting that last bit of development in. As trashshit said dont try anything yet. Wait until You are classed as full term which os 37 weeks
xx


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## carrieanne

honestly nothing will work i tried everything but only when i went over due babies come when they want end of lol but its fun trying but certainly not bfore 38 weeks hun ok xxx


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## smokey

Theres not even a way to make the lazy little things come on time, im not cranky honest :)


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## Celesse

I have tried (and failed with) the following:

1-*EPO* (orally and vaginally)
2-*RLT* (though still take for second stage)
3-*Curry* (Some BH's but mostly just onion farts) 
4-*Pineapple*
5-*Sex*
6-*Oral Sex *(Did have the positive effect of less whining from Boyfriend)
7-*Walking* (lots of BH, that went away)
8-*Bouncing on birth ball* (back pain)
9-*Clary Sage* (nice smell, had it in bath and it made OH almost too relaxed)
10-*Nipple stimulation* (takes way to long to get a contraction, plus if OH is in the room tends to lead to demand for points 5 or 6)

Baby will come when ready.


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## debjolin

Yep, bubs will come when he or she is ready.
:hugs: to all the mammys who have lived through the experience of having a baby born premature. xx


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## twinklestar

celesse- point 10 comment made me laugh, lol 

your LO will be in your arms v v soon hun, hang in there x


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## beckibee

tiger said:


> happyladybugg said:
> 
> 
> My guy came 3 weeks early but I didn't do anything to make him come early, I dont think??...I got a pregnancy massage on a Wednesday which gave me a tiny bit of cramping, on that Friday I got an internal from the dr to check dilation was 3 cm, had bloody show on Saturday (it started very light on Friday tho) and was in full blown labor in the wee hours of the morning that Sunday.
> Pregnancy massage or internal check by the dr?? one of those might have sped things up for me, I'm not too sure.
> 
> I agree that you have to wait until 37ish weeks before self inducing- but i have to wonder about the above comment, because i know of 2 other women on this forum who got a pregnancy massage and went into labour within 48hrs!!! must be because it is sooo relaxing. im actually going to book myself in for one to see if it works lolClick to expand...

My friends a beautician and does these massages at her work! Says its lovely seeing all these pregnant woman, and when she does them the babies go crazyyyy, wriggling and jumping about and the ladies often say that they get braxton hicks with it and tightenings. I think its because you go very relaxed. She gave me one of these massages when i was around 30 weeks and its true i got a very hard belly and he was bouncing around like mad, i had never felt him move like that, i loved it! There may be some truth in it bringing on labour, i am just glad it didnt when i was 30 weeks!!! I would say go for it book your self in :)


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## bexxie

No matter how uncomfy you get why try??

My first was 2 weeks late all I thought was lovely extra sleep......and boy was I glad of it as she was a crap sleeper.......2nd one early by 3.5 weeks luckily she slept well lol

This one will come when he comes am in no hurry at all would rather he is all tucked up inside me safe and secure....Sam9kids was exactly the same day as me and luckily Jenson has come out safe and sound but I bet she would have preferred another few weeks (eh Sam?) I think when you see all the hearbreak and worry Prem-mums go through why wish a baby here sooner just becuase out arses feel like they have hit the floor and we cant do anything considered reasonably comfortable.....yes I get fed up right now I could cry with the SPD pain and yes can be induced at 37 weeks but I dont think I will go for it unless my baby is over the 9lbs threshold which in that case large enough.....

Enough of the lecture,keep your sprits up and rest.x


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## Rozie_1985

Celesse said:


> I have tried (and failed with) the following:
> 
> 1-*EPO* (orally and vaginally)
> 2-*RLT* (though still take for second stage)
> 3-*Curry* (Some BH's but mostly just onion farts)
> 4-*Pineapple*
> 5-*Sex*
> 6-*Oral Sex *(Did have the positive effect of less whining from Boyfriend)
> 7-*Walking* (lots of BH, that went away)
> 8-*Bouncing on birth ball* (back pain)
> 9-*Clary Sage* (nice smell, had it in bath and it made OH almost too relaxed)
> 10-*Nipple stimulation* (*takes way to long to get a contraction, plus if OH is in the room tends to lead to demand for points 5 or 6)*
> 
> Baby will come when ready.

This just made me laugh very loud and now everyone in the office thinks i'm a loon!! x


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## JennTheMomma

Baby needs to come when he/she is ready. Rushing it will only cause problems. Even babies who are born at 39 weeks can still spend time in the NICU, and that is not a pleasent way to spend your first days outside of the womb. Let baby come when he/she is ready. The average pregnancy lasts 38 weeks - 42 weeks, and having a late baby isn't a horrible thing.


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## Laura2919

You may not have intended to but this post is really disrespectful to women who have had premature babies. 

Women have had their children die infront of their eyes being born that early and you want to have the baby early?? 

Why o why do you have children if you want to put them at risk for your own joys?? 

What would happen now if your baby came along early and was in NNU, Who would you blame???


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## Laura2919

MiissMuffet said:


> Rozie_1985 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MiissMuffet said:
> 
> 
> at 34 weeks !?!? you've got to be joking!!! :shock:
> 
> In fairness the OP didn't say at 34 weeks, she said a little early. Maybe she meant 39 weeks?Click to expand...
> 
> hmmm, fair point :thumbup: xClick to expand...

If she was thinking about ways to be induced at 39 weeks she wouldnt be posting now would she. Nearly 5 weeks before she even gets to 39 weeks!


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## staycutee

Why do you want your baby to come early? I know you don't mean premature but your baby will come when he or she is ready, trying to force labour to begin before it's naturally meant to occur won't be good for your baby.


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## lizzieandzara

Laura2919 said:


> You may not have intended to but this post is really disrespectful to women who have had premature babies.
> 
> Women have had their children die infront of their eyes being born that early and you want to have the baby early??
> 
> Why o why do you have children if you want to put them at risk for your own joys??
> 
> What would happen now if your baby came along early and was in NNU, Who would you blame???

I doubt she meant any harm by her post she is just probably fed up :coffee:


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## Sam9kids

bexxie said:


> No matter how uncomfy you get why try??
> 
> My first was 2 weeks late all I thought was lovely extra sleep......and boy was I glad of it as she was a crap sleeper.......2nd one early by 3.5 weeks luckily she slept well lol
> 
> This one will come when he comes am in no hurry at all would rather he is all tucked up inside me safe and secure....Sam9kids was exactly the same day as me and luckily Jenson has come out safe and sound but I bet she would have preferred another few weeks (eh Sam?) I think when you see all the hearbreak and worry Prem-mums go through why wish a baby here sooner just becuase out arses feel like they have hit the floor and we cant do anything considered reasonably comfortable.....yes I get fed up right now I could cry with the SPD pain and yes can be induced at 37 weeks but I dont think I will go for it unless my baby is over the 9lbs threshold which in that case large enough.....
> 
> Enough of the lecture,keep your sprits up and rest.x

:thumbup:

I sure as hell wouldnt wish it on anyone! 

Trips back and forth to scbu at least 3 times a day.

Seeing allsorts of leads and tubes coming out of various parts of his tiny body Including drips, nasal tubes, heart monitors

Alarms going off when he forgets to take a breath

Looking at his black and bruised tiny heels where they have to keep giving him a heel prick to draw blood for blood gases, sugar levels etc

Not being able to hold him

having to wash him through a porthole in the incubator

Not being able to settle him to sleep and be able to check on him whenever during the night. (i have to ring and someone elses has to tell me how he is)

I could go on but wont, ive made my point i think x:hugs:


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## bexxie

Sam9kids said:


> bexxie said:
> 
> 
> No matter how uncomfy you get why try??
> 
> My first was 2 weeks late all I thought was lovely extra sleep......and boy was I glad of it as she was a crap sleeper.......2nd one early by 3.5 weeks luckily she slept well lol
> 
> This one will come when he comes am in no hurry at all would rather he is all tucked up inside me safe and secure....Sam9kids was exactly the same day as me and luckily Jenson has come out safe and sound but I bet she would have preferred another few weeks (eh Sam?) I think when you see all the hearbreak and worry Prem-mums go through why wish a baby here sooner just becuase out arses feel like they have hit the floor and we cant do anything considered reasonably comfortable.....yes I get fed up right now I could cry with the SPD pain and yes can be induced at 37 weeks but I dont think I will go for it unless my baby is over the 9lbs threshold which in that case large enough.....
> 
> Enough of the lecture,keep your sprits up and rest.x
> 
> :thumbup:
> 
> I sure as hell wouldnt wish it on anyone!
> 
> Trips back and forth to scbu at least 3 times a day.
> 
> Seeing allsorts of leads and tubes coming out of various parts of his tiny body Including drips, nasal tubes, heart monitors
> 
> Alarms going off when he forgets to take a breath
> 
> Looking at his black and bruised tiny heels where they have to keep giving him a heel prick to draw blood for blood gases, sugar levels etc
> 
> Not being able to hold him
> 
> having to wash him through a porthole in the incubator
> 
> Not being able to settle him to sleep and be able to check on him whenever during the night. (i have to ring and someone elses has to tell me how he is)
> 
> I could go on but wont, ive made my point i think x:hugs:Click to expand...

aww hunnie:hugs:


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## Sam9kids

Rozie_1985 said:


> Celesse said:
> 
> 
> I have tried (and failed with) the following:
> 
> 1-*EPO* (orally and vaginally)
> 2-*RLT* (though still take for second stage)
> 3-*Curry* (Some BH's but mostly just onion farts)
> 4-*Pineapple*
> 5-*Sex*
> 6-*Oral Sex *(Did have the positive effect of less whining from Boyfriend)
> 7-*Walking* (lots of BH, that went away)
> 8-*Bouncing on birth ball* (back pain)
> 9-*Clary Sage* (nice smell, had it in bath and it made OH almost too relaxed)
> 10-*Nipple stimulation* (*takes way to long to get a contraction, plus if OH is in the room tends to lead to demand for points 5 or 6)*
> 
> Baby will come when ready.
> 
> This just made me laugh very loud and now everyone in the office thinks i'm a loon!! xClick to expand...

made me laugh too! xx


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## kaleidoscope

Celesse said:


> I have tried (and failed with) the following:
> 
> 1-*EPO* (orally and vaginally)
> 2-*RLT* (though still take for second stage)
> 3-*Curry* (Some BH's but mostly just onion farts)
> 4-*Pineapple*
> 5-*Sex*
> 6-*Oral Sex *(Did have the positive effect of less whining from Boyfriend)
> 7-*Walking* (lots of BH, that went away)
> 8-*Bouncing on birth ball* (back pain)
> 9-*Clary Sage* (nice smell, had it in bath and it made OH almost too relaxed)
> 10-*Nipple stimulation* (takes way to long to get a contraction, plus if OH is in the room tends to lead to demand for points 5 or 6)
> 
> Baby will come when ready.

I shouldnt laugh..but did chuckle at point 10 leading to demands for 5 and 6:rofl:...


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## sobersadie

Nothing shifted my 1st 2 babies they were both 10 days overdue and induced and i tried the usual curry, etc. My 3rd came 2 weeks early and i had started nipple stimulation a few days before (google it!) and my hubbie gave me a back massage the hour before my waters broke so i dont know if it was coincidence or it works. You need to do it a lot though!


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## Hollys_Twinny

Eassssy girls, she didn't state how early! Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt on this 1.


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## babybel

Seity said:


> hahaha - try anything you want, but the baby will come when it's good and ready!

Haha have to totally agree!


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## staycutee

x Hayley x said:


> Eassssy girls, she didn't state how early! Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt on this 1.

making it come early is TOO early however early she meant!


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## amazed

Im so uncomfy and have been since around 30 weeks dont rush it though.... u dont want baby coming yet!


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## Minstermind

Not so much a point to the original poster as until she comes back to reply, we don't really know why she was asking so it's best to wait really as she might have a very good reason or explanation for her questions.

But as a side comment on the whole early baby issue....I don't really understand why anyone would want a baby to come out sooner? I'd rather go the full term. I know it gets really uncomfortable, but to me, it's worth a few weeks more of discomfort to allow baby to fully develop and put on those layers of fat. I won't be doing anything at all to try to make baby come sooner even if it did work - I want a fully fattened up and developed baby to come out :)


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## frouphea

Minstermind said:


> Not so much a point to the original poster as until she comes back to reply, we don't really know why she was asking so it's best to wait really as she might have a very good reason or explanation for her questions.
> 
> But as a side comment on the whole early baby issue....I don't really understand why anyone would want a baby to come out sooner? I'd rather go the full term. I know it gets really uncomfortable, but to me, it's worth a few weeks more of discomfort to allow baby to fully develop and put on those layers of fat. I won't be doing anything at all to try to make baby come sooner even if it did work - I want a fully fattened up and developed baby to come out :)

A great tip my Mum gave me was to always think of the pregnancy as 42 weeks long, and to think of your due date as two weeks later. You don't get so annoyed then!

Personally, despite the complications I had, I never wanted him out early, until one morning I woke up and wanted him out. I asked them to induce me, they said no. They started monitoring me that evening and turns out I'd developed pre-eclampsia and the baby was in distress. He had to come out ASAP.


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## Shocklee16

My mom had me early and everything was fine. Sometimes when baby is born early things do not always go wrong. Like I said, I came out just fine. No health issues or problems. And this post was not meant too upset anyone who has had a premature baby before. I didnt intend for it too sound like that. I appreciate all the input from everyone. I realize it is a little early but I have my reasons as too why I would like him here a little earlier. Im going too be a single mother. No one is helping me or anything. Some family but that is it. I am working full time, no car, and im not in college. Im 18 and Im doing the best I know how too. Im trying too get everything ready for baby and in order for me too keep my job too support me and my baby, I cant lose my job. And lately I have been missing alot. I need to be able too stay on my feet and I figured it would be nice too have him here a little earlier than expected so I can get things moving again. Thank you!


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## frouphea

Shocklee16 said:


> My mom had me early and everything was fine. Sometimes when baby is born early things do not always go wrong. Like I said, I came out just fine. No health issues or problems. And this post was not meant too upset anyone who has had a premature baby before. I didnt intend for it too sound like that. I appreciate all the input from everyone. I realize it is a little early but I have my reasons as too why I would like him here a little earlier. Im going too be a single mother. No one is helping me or anything. Some family but that is it. I am working full time, no car, and im not in college. Im 18 and Im doing the best I know how too. Im trying too get everything ready for baby and in order for me too keep my job too support me and my baby, I cant lose my job. And lately I have been missing alot. I need to be able too stay on my feet and I figured it would be nice too have him here a little earlier than expected so I can get things moving again. Thank you!

I don't understand how you are willing to take such a big risk with your babies life and health :(


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## insomnimama

Shocklee I understand you must be under a lot of pressure (that's a lot of things on your plate at once) but really, truly, hoping that an early baby is one of those that do okay rather than one of those with long NICU stays or breathing problems / brain damage / fetal death is a hell of a gamble. 

Fortunately there's bugger all you can do to speed it up anyway :rofl:

Honestly I wish you the best of luck in parenting but I really, really encourage you to get community & family supports no matter when you deliver- it will make life a lot easier. 

Best of luck to you!


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## Sparky0207

Yes you were fine but what about other babies that are born early and are not fine?

Im sorry but I think you are incredibly selfish. Not commented up til now as thought maybe you meant you wanted your baby at full term but at 34 weeks is far too early. Yes you may be single and yes you may be having a lot of time off work but thats not your babies fault. Do you seriously want to risk your baby's long term health because you 'figured it would be nice to have him here a little early'?

Disgusting IMO.


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## ~KACI~

Shocklee16 said:


> My mom had me early and everything was fine. *Sometimes when baby is born early things do not always go wrong.* Like I said, I came out just fine. No health issues or problems. And this post was not meant too upset anyone who has had a premature baby before. I didnt intend for it too sound like that. I appreciate all the input from everyone. I realize it is a little early but I have my reasons as too why I would like him here a little earlier. Im going too be a single mother. No one is helping me or anything. Some family but that is it. I am working full time, no car, and im not in college. Im 18 and Im doing the best I know how too. Im trying too get everything ready for baby and in order for me too keep my job too support me and my baby, I cant lose my job. And lately I have been missing alot. I need to be able too stay on my feet and I figured it would be nice too have him here a little earlier than expected so I can get things moving again. Thank you!

Honey i can understand that you want your life back on track, but what happens if something does wrong?? 

It is much better to let your LO cook until he is ready to come and at the moment it is too early :nope:

Most people start eviction proceedings at 37weeks, but if baby isn't ready he isn't going to come :hugs:


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## Laura2919

Shocklee16 said:


> My mom had me early and everything was fine. Sometimes when baby is born early things do not always go wrong. Like I said, I came out just fine. No health issues or problems. And this post was not meant too upset anyone who has had a premature baby before. I didnt intend for it too sound like that. I appreciate all the input from everyone. I realize it is a little early but I have my reasons as too why I would like him here a little earlier. Im going too be a single mother. No one is helping me or anything. Some family but that is it. I am working full time, no car, and im not in college. Im 18 and Im doing the best I know how too. Im trying too get everything ready for baby and in order for me too keep my job too support me and my baby, I cant lose my job. And lately I have been missing alot. I need to be able too stay on my feet and I figured it would be nice too have him here a little earlier than expected so I can get things moving again. Thank you!

Well you clearly show your age by your comment. No offence to 18 year olds just i am a few (ok a bit more than a few) years older

What makes you think that your baby will be just fine?? Because you were?? I wasnt a prem, I was born on time on my due date to be exact, my partner 7 days late! We still both had prems! My mum carried me and my siblings without a hitch to full term an I was fine. My girls werent so lucky! 

You think that you saying your job and you being single can justify you wanting your baby early?? Id have very easily quit my job if it meant risk to my kids however much I needed it and trust me I need my job. 

Nothing can justify you wanting that baby early.


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## lizzieandzara

Lay off the girl.


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## amyw044

you have been pregnant for 34 weeks another 6 aint gunna hurt. what if something did go wrong?? im fed up but going to wait till at least 37 weeks before i start eviction process! xx


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## frouphea

You've been put on bedrest after having contractions, but you still want to try and get the baby to come early?

If you are struggling so much, would you consider sticking to the prescribed bedrest, and then giving the baby up for adoption?


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## Laura2919

frouphea said:


> You've been put on bedrest after having contractions, but you still want to try and get the baby to come early?
> 
> *If you are struggling so much, would you consider sticking to the prescribed bedrest, and then giving the baby up for adoption*?

Couldnt have put it better myself.


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## LuckySalem

That's a bit nasty.
I understand that this is now controversial but there is no need for that.


OP - That's REALLY too early, no matter what is going on in your life don't put your unborn babies health at risk.


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## insomnimama

I think it's out of order to suggest that someone relinquish their parental rights, no matter how ignorant they may be about the realities of premature babies. There are plenty of women a lot older that make the same kinds of suggestions on this board and this is the first time I have ever seen anyone suggest that that person does not deserve to parent their child. I would suggest that someone young and single needs education and support. Adoption is all too often a permanent solution to a temporary problem (usually financial).


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## Sparky0207

Laura2919 said:


> frouphea said:
> 
> 
> You've been put on bedrest after having contractions, but you still want to try and get the baby to come early?
> 
> *If you are struggling so much, would you consider sticking to the prescribed bedrest, and then giving the baby up for adoption*?
> 
> Couldnt have put it better myself.Click to expand...

Totally agree.


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## insomnimama

Frouphea I have reported your post. I feel really strongly that it is inappropriate, and I hope that the rest of you agreeing with her give your heads a shake. The OP should know better, certainly, but you should know better than to make that kind of suggestion unsolicited. And I would imagine you are all a fair bit older than the OP.


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## ~KACI~

Ladies i think if you don't have anything positive to say to help the OP realise that 34weeks is too early for her little man to be in this world then it would be best to leave the thread:) 

I think Insomnimama is right what the OP poster needs education and support.


----------



## debjolin

frouphea said:


> You've been put on bedrest after having contractions, but you still want to try and get the baby to come early?
> 
> If you are struggling so much, would you consider sticking to the prescribed bedrest, and then giving the baby up for adoption?

I dont think this comment was necessary. :nope:


----------



## rwhite

Sparky0207 said:


> Laura2919 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> frouphea said:
> 
> 
> You've been put on bedrest after having contractions, but you still want to try and get the baby to come early?
> 
> *If you are struggling so much, would you consider sticking to the prescribed bedrest, and then giving the baby up for adoption*?
> 
> Couldnt have put it better myself.Click to expand...
> 
> Totally agree.Click to expand...

:shock: Ladies, think about what you're saying please. I'm sure the OP was just wondering for when she is at least 37 weeks, not at a mere 34 weeks gestation. What a horrible thing to post, and inconsiderate too :nope: Sometimes if you have nothing nice to say, it's better not to say anything at all...


----------



## Wobbles

Ok many women say 'I wish baby would come early' but they tend to mean earlier than that 40/42 weeks anyone who would literally want to have baby at 34 weeks is crazy and very risky. Is your babies life a worthwhile risk?

BUT some of the comments on the last handful of pages are just totally disgusting and uncalled for.

Young gullible naive ...maybe? - Guide the girl in the right direction.


----------



## corrie anne

As a mother to 4 preemies and most like this one will be too, I know that you may think your baby will be fine. I take it you havent got steroids for his lungs? If not, that makes his recovery if born early much harder on him. If he were to need a c-pap(which is very possible) b/c he cant breathe on his own, he could end up with breathing problems when he is older, he could develop apnia as an adult and that is very serious. He could have childhood ashma that he would need meds for and thats not far to him. He can have behavioral problems and learning problems b/c i bet you didnt know that boys have a harder time recovering when born early than girls do. I do think that its very important that you leave him in there at least another 3 weeks. 37 weeks isnt that far off. just wait. I dont understand why you care more about your job than your sons health. I know its going to be hard being a single mother but making a bad choice now before he is even born is not going to make the situation any easier, just harder. more docs appt and time off work b/c he cant gain weight right, or b/c he cant breathe, he needs more monitoring to make sure he is developing correctly. Please just rethink your plans.


----------



## Sparky0207

Sorry but although I feel the OP certainly does need education and support, I also think she needs to realise exactly what she is saying. There are plenty of babies born at 34 weeks, some lucky, others not so. Maybe she should try looking up the problems associated with premature births and figure out how she would cope with that, if she thinks things are so difficult at the moment.

It infuriates me that someone could want their baby this early, she should be thankful that shes pregnant and got this far. I know people who would give anything to get pregnant or carry a baby to term yet here she is wanting her baby to come far too early just because it suits her. Sorry but thats damn selfish IMO.


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

The comment about adoption is one of the worst I have seen on this site. It's disgusting. She needs gudiance and support. And it has nothing to bloody do with being 18.

OP- ignore the nasty comments, I said before it isnt good to make baby come too early as bubba is just getting the last bit of development in :D. PM me if you need me sweetie
xx


----------



## Seity

You _really_ don't want the baby early. Chances of there being complications requiring an extended hospital stay for your baby are significantly higher the earlier the baby and since you live in the US that means you'll get stuck with a huge medical bill and from the sounds of it you don't have the extra money to afford trying to support a newborn and try and pay off a medical bill like that.


----------



## Sparky0207

rwhite said:


> Sparky0207 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Laura2919 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> frouphea said:
> 
> 
> You've been put on bedrest after having contractions, but you still want to try and get the baby to come early?
> 
> *If you are struggling so much, would you consider sticking to the prescribed bedrest, and then giving the baby up for adoption*?
> 
> Couldnt have put it better myself.Click to expand...
> 
> Totally agree.Click to expand...
> 
> :shock: Ladies, think about what you're saying please. I'm sure the OP was just wondering for when she is at least 37 weeks, not at a mere 34 weeks gestation. What a horrible thing to post, and inconsiderate too :nope: Sometimes if you have nothing nice to say, it's better not to say anything at all...Click to expand...

I didnt comment before the OP made a second comment as I wanted to give her benefit of the doubt, but she has just come back and said she wants the baby out now.


----------



## corrie anne

Maybe visit the preemie section and see what our babies have gone and are going through. We have pics up of our babies at all stages of prematurity and how sick they look and some didnt make it while others did great. give your baby a chance. You can also visit the march of dimes, preemie forums etc. get educated and informed know what you will be going through and all those needles and leads and lines that will be on your baby.
i am editing for you some helpful websites you can look into.
https://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/14332_1157.asp#head8
https://www.keepkidshealthy.com/Newborn/premature_babies.html
https://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/nation/5563880.html


----------



## mummypeanut

This forum has a tendency to get very nasty very quickly at times.

People will always have opinions which are controversial or mal informed but the lynching that occasionally goes on here is un called for and means that the vunerable people who MOST need access to information dont feel welcome or able to post questions and find the answers theyre looking for.

I'm sure OP has seen the consensus of information here which is that a baby will not come until it is ready and full term is the healthiest thing to aim for.

PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS ABOUT AGE or about someone's ability to be a good mother. Just because someone is young doesnt mean theyre automatically stupid or ill equiped to become a parent ....Whether parents are young or old there will be good ones and bad ones - being mis-informed doesnt make you a bad parent, it makes you niave.

If she thought she knew all the answers she wouldnt be asking

OP- I hope this doesnt put you off posting in the future. It is important that we get our questions answered


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

mummypeanut said:


> This forum has a tendency to get very nasty very quickly at times.
> 
> People will always have opinions which are controversial or mal informed but the lynching that occasionally goes on here is un called for and means that the vunerable people who MOST need access to information dont feel welcome or able to post questions and find the answers theyre looking for.
> 
> I'm sure OP has seen the consensus of information here which is that a baby will not come until it is ready and full term is the healthiest thing to aim for.
> *
> PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS ABOUT AGE or about someone's ability to be a good mother. Just because someone is young doesnt mean theyre automatically stupid or ill equiped to become a parent ....Whether parents are young or old there will be good ones and bad ones - being mis-informed doesnt make you a bad parent, it makes you niave*.
> 
> If she thought she knew all the answers she wouldnt be asking
> 
> OP- I hope this doesnt put you off posting in the future. It is important that we get our questions answered

Thank you
xx


----------



## kaleidoscope

to the op:

sweetheart I appreciate that late pregnancy can be demanding and exhausting....but if your baby were born now..he or she would require treatment in special care..could still potentially be sick and need help with breathing..before 37 weeks..baby hasnt had a chance to finish off the fine tuning thats needed to his/her central nervous system, digestive system and lungs and during this pregnancy Ive been an in patient and witnessed even ladies who have had 35/36 weekers, still have their babies go into scbu....there is a reason why pregnancy lasts a certain length of time.
Yes people do have babies early and they are little fighters..but most mums will tell you that they would rather have their babies born when ready and take them home from hospital, than walk away from hospital leaving their precious bundle in scbu.

you are nearly there..only another 3 weeks and you will technically be classed as term..make the most of these last weeks....life will be even busier very soon!


----------



## frouphea

I apologise for the adoption suggestion, if it hurt. It wasn't intended to. 

I stand by the suggestion, it isn't a terrible thing or something to be 'hush hush' about. 

The OP is struggling, financially and emotionally. I just mentioned an alternative, if she doesn't think she can manage as a single parent.

It wasn't made in response to her age, or wanting her baby to come early, but the fact she mentioned that she is struggling, in this thread and in others.


----------



## kristen77

mummypeanut said:


> This forum has a tendency to get very nasty very quickly at times.
> 
> People will always have opinions which are controversial or mal informed but the lynching that occasionally goes on here is un called for and means that the vunerable people who MOST need access to information dont feel welcome or able to post questions and find the answers theyre looking for.
> 
> I'm sure OP has seen the consensus of information here which is that a baby will not come until it is ready and full term is the healthiest thing to aim for.
> 
> PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS ABOUT AGE or about someone's ability to be a good mother. Just because someone is young doesnt mean theyre automatically stupid or ill equiped to become a parent ....Whether parents are young or old there will be good ones and bad ones - being mis-informed doesnt make you a bad parent, it makes you niave.
> 
> If she thought she knew all the answers she wouldnt be asking
> 
> OP- I hope this doesnt put you off posting in the future. It is important that we get our questions answered

Totally agree MP x


----------



## Wobbles

frouphea said:


> I apologise for the adoption suggestion, if it hurt. It wasn't intended to.
> 
> I stand by the suggestion, it isn't a terrible thing or something to be 'hush hush' about.
> 
> The OP is struggling, financially and emotionally. I just mentioned an alternative, if she doesn't think she can manage as a single parent.
> 
> It wasn't made in response to her age, or wanting her baby to come early, but the fact she mentioned that she is struggling, in this thread and in others.


Think thats something we all (or many of us) worry about nomatter our relationship status, income and age.

:confused:


----------



## mummymia

mummypeanut said:


> This forum has a tendency to get very nasty very quickly at times.
> 
> People will always have opinions which are controversial or mal informed but the lynching that occasionally goes on here is un called for and means that the vunerable people who MOST need access to information dont feel welcome or able to post questions and find the answers theyre looking for.
> 
> I'm sure OP has seen the consensus of information here which is that a baby will not come until it is ready and full term is the healthiest thing to aim for.
> 
> PLEASE DONT MAKE THIS ABOUT AGE or about someone's ability to be a good mother. Just because someone is young doesnt mean theyre automatically stupid or ill equiped to become a parent ....Whether parents are young or old there will be good ones and bad ones - being mis-informed doesnt make you a bad parent, it makes you niave.
> 
> If she thought she knew all the answers she wouldnt be asking
> 
> OP- I hope this doesnt put you off posting in the future. It is important that we get our questions answered

:thumbup: excellent post I totally agree:thumbup:


----------



## LuckySalem

I think frouphea that you needed to word it a little differently. The way you said it made it come across as that she was unworthy of having a child due to her thoughts.


----------



## AP

Oh my god, please, just look at the preemie section. I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

Early babies are:


known to need assistance with breathing
can end up going home on oxygen - that means walking around with a long wire attached to thi nose 24/7
at risk of brain haemorrages due to the birth, many preemies i know had it and now at risk of cerebral palsy
known to have difficulties feeding 
low weights
will stay in hospital for a long while
long term health issues
their bodies are not strong enough to fight infection
cost you a lot of money to go back and forth to visit in hospital
and i do not wish upon anyone to go home at night and cant sleep in fear of having a phone call of bad news from the hospital, and just a teddy to hold at night til LO gets home.:cry:
 Preemies may never come home huni.:cry:

I had worries too about having Alex, I was in such a bad way I was at the doctors crying and even suggesting we consider adoption.

When baby is here though - its a different story - us mums have a way of just making things work!


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

Spot on wobbles
xx


----------



## frouphea

Wobbles said:


> frouphea said:
> 
> 
> I apologise for the adoption suggestion, if it hurt. It wasn't intended to.
> 
> I stand by the suggestion, it isn't a terrible thing or something to be 'hush hush' about.
> 
> The OP is struggling, financially and emotionally. I just mentioned an alternative, if she doesn't think she can manage as a single parent.
> 
> It wasn't made in response to her age, or wanting her baby to come early, but the fact she mentioned that she is struggling, in this thread and in others.
> 
> 
> Think thats something we all (or many of us) worry about nomatter our relationship status, income and age.
> 
> :confused:Click to expand...

But to want her baby to come early, suggests the struggles she is having is greater than the norm. She doesn't have much support, and is finding it hard emotionally and fincancially. It doesn't matter what her age is, she is finding it hard. I just wanted her to know there are options. If she is financially unable to have the bedrest prescribed, then things must be really, really tight, so was making a helpful suggestion. No offence intended, and I'm making no judgements about her abilities to be a parent, or if she deserves it or not - just saying to her there is an alternative.


----------



## Shocklee16

Sparky0207 said:


> Yes you were fine but what about other babies that are born early and are not fine?
> 
> Im sorry but I think you are incredibly selfish. Not commented up til now as thought maybe you meant you wanted your baby at full term but at 34 weeks is far too early. Yes you may be single and yes you may be having a lot of time off work but thats not your babies fault. Do you seriously want to risk your baby's long term health because you 'figured it would be nice to have him here a little early'?
> 
> Disgusting IMO.

Well I am really sorry you feel that way. Everything must be going great with you. But for me, its not. Yes I understand what everyone is saying too me. Im not stupid. Thanks for the input.


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

Hun PM me if you need to
xx


----------



## Shocklee16

Laura2919 said:


> frouphea said:
> 
> 
> You've been put on bedrest after having contractions, but you still want to try and get the baby to come early?
> 
> *If you are struggling so much, would you consider sticking to the prescribed bedrest, and then giving the baby up for adoption*?
> 
> Couldnt have put it better myself.Click to expand...


First off Im not going too do that. Because I know I can make it. Why dont you try putting your children up for adoption? Then tell me how that makes YOU feel!


----------



## mummy3

Ive had 3 preemies, 1 at 33 weeks and 2 at 35 weeks. All mine had steroids to prepare them but all 3 had breathing difficulties. My eldest, a 35 weeker very nearly didnt make it. A 34 weeker is not ready to be born:nope:

As said before please please look at the preemie section, this is the reality of a baby born early.

Also I agree that adoption shouldnt be hidden away but in this case I think its more pressing that the op sees that a baby coming at 34 weeks is not a safe option.


----------



## bumpsmum

As a mummy to a baby born at 33+4 I I can say that it is VERY hard and emotionally draining and going through this as a single parent with little family support would be far too much to cope with hun.

As some other preemie mums have said the risks of breathing problems, cerebal palsy, brain bleeds etc are far too risky, and are in no way trying to be cirtitcal but informative of all that t entails.

I can understand why some mums would want to 'start the eviction process' at 37 weeks but personally I feel that is still early, low birth weight, juandice and breathing issues, hypoglycemia may still be an issue even then. Having never made it to term myself I cant comment on how uncomfortable that must feel but Id give my left arm and a few other limbs to find out.

In reality having an early baby in the long run will be more finacially draining, it is highly unlikly you would return to work on time never mind early as baby may need long term medical care, there is consultant appts, physios etc which will mean more time off work, there is a higher vhance of developing PTSD or PND which I suffer from and is really tough to go through without support.

I def agree more support, guidance and education would be great but please please do not try and bring your baby boy early, for me (and other prem mums) Id say let him come when he's ready. Even trying to bring on labour 37-40 weeks is unsettling for me but I understand for some its necessary.

Please dont feel like you cant share your problems and ask advice here as this isue has got a little heated but please seriously look at trying to tackle some of your other worries first and let bubs lay down some fat, develop his wee lungs (one area people are not aware of is that teh suck reflex needs time to develop and more early babies have difficulty establishing feeding and if your hoping to BF at all this can affect your supply and make latching etc very difficult).

All the best, hope to see your birth announcement in 5-6 weeks time ) xx


----------



## Wobbles

frouphea said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> frouphea said:
> 
> 
> I apologise for the adoption suggestion, if it hurt. It wasn't intended to.
> 
> I stand by the suggestion, it isn't a terrible thing or something to be 'hush hush' about.
> 
> The OP is struggling, financially and emotionally. I just mentioned an alternative, if she doesn't think she can manage as a single parent.
> 
> It wasn't made in response to her age, or wanting her baby to come early, but the fact she mentioned that she is struggling, in this thread and in others.
> 
> 
> Think thats something we all (or many of us) worry about nomatter our relationship status, income and age.
> 
> :confused:Click to expand...
> 
> But to want her baby to come early, suggests the struggles she is having is greater than the norm. She doesn't have much support, and is finding it hard emotionally and fincancially. It doesn't matter what her age is, she is finding it hard. I just wanted her to know there are options. If she is financially unable to have the bedrest prescribed, then things must be really, really tight, so was making a helpful suggestion. No offence intended, and I'm making no judgements about her abilities to be a parent, or if she deserves it or not - just saying to her there is an alternative.Click to expand...

So throw the most encouraging supporting suggestion at her ...adoption? :wacko: thats the only great bit of advice you have for this young lady to cope? No financial information for single Mums and low income families, job status question and rights, housing, doctors for some emtional help, young support group suggestion ...etc.


----------



## pinktaffy

i think some people have been abit mean. i think alot of us r guilty of wishing the last few weeks away. ok maybe the op was wrong by saying she wants the baby out now . but i think she needs support not preaching at. 

being pregnant is hard enough if u have support . imagine if u felt alone maybe she did have these thoughts about wanting the baby out early but i don't think she wants to harm or put the baby in danger . i think she is just feeling really low and needed someone 2 talk 2.


----------



## scaredmum2be

I was a premature breech and had 7 weeks left in me mothers tummy although with me being breech i had dislocated hips but that prob has nothing to do with it :shrug:

Im hoping i can get to 40 odd weeks at least and then when im overdue id be saying i want the baby out lol.

All the best on when your baby comes when ready :) xx


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

Speaking of groups wobbles you gave me an idea

OP- maybe pop into your local sure start centre they have great groups for after baby is born and they can put you in touch with people that can help you through anything anmd advise you on what to do and where to go for help
xx


----------



## Shocklee16

frouphea said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> frouphea said:
> 
> 
> I apologise for the adoption suggestion, if it hurt. It wasn't intended to.
> 
> I stand by the suggestion, it isn't a terrible thing or something to be 'hush hush' about.
> 
> The OP is struggling, financially and emotionally. I just mentioned an alternative, if she doesn't think she can manage as a single parent.
> 
> It wasn't made in response to her age, or wanting her baby to come early, but the fact she mentioned that she is struggling, in this thread and in others.
> 
> 
> Think thats something we all (or many of us) worry about nomatter our relationship status, income and age.
> 
> :confused:Click to expand...
> 
> But to want her baby to come early, suggests the struggles she is having is greater than the norm. She doesn't have much support, and is finding it hard emotionally and fincancially. It doesn't matter what her age is, she is finding it hard. I just wanted her to know there are options. If she is financially unable to have the bedrest prescribed, then things must be really, really tight, so was making a helpful suggestion. No offence intended, and I'm making no judgements about her abilities to be a parent, or if she deserves it or not - just saying to her there is an alternative.Click to expand...

Im pretty sure I was informed of that when I first found out I was pregnant. Everyone finds out the options when they discover they are pregnant. And if I had chosen adoption I would have stuck too it. But im not and still dont plan too. Things were not this way when I found out I was pregnant. We had everything figured out. And now that things are changed it is hard. I want to be the best I can to my baby and be able too provide for him. And doing it alone is hard. I dont expect help and im not going too ask for it unless I really need it. Im very independent. And if I wanted too stay on bed rest I would...but the more money I have saved up for my little man, the better. Its my choice.


----------



## corrie anne

Shocklee16 said:


> Sparky0207 said:
> 
> 
> Yes you were fine but what about other babies that are born early and are not fine?
> 
> Im sorry but I think you are incredibly selfish. Not commented up til now as thought maybe you meant you wanted your baby at full term but at 34 weeks is far too early. Yes you may be single and yes you may be having a lot of time off work but thats not your babies fault. Do you seriously want to risk your baby's long term health because you 'figured it would be nice to have him here a little early'?
> 
> Disgusting IMO.
> 
> Well I am really sorry you feel that way. Everything must be going great with you. But for me, its not. Yes I understand what everyone is saying too me. Im not stupid. Thanks for the input.Click to expand...

Do you still justify having your child born early? Most companies wont let you work after having a baby until 6 weeks after birth, most childcare wont watch a baby before that period either. You would need a docs note to be able to go back to work. I would suggest maybe using that time to get a grant for schooling and go back to school i know that if you are on medicaid they can pay for your college. I would also look into maybe jobcorps if you didnt finish high school. They pay for your g.e.d, you live there with your child(some dont so you have to ask the agent)while you get it and you take vocational classes like cna and stuff like that. and they will pay for your first 2 years of college. There is no time limit on staying a know some people that were there for more than 6 months. I am just trying to help you and i so wanted to go there but my oh wouldnt let me.


----------



## xpinkness87x

Its too early to make a baby come now!! at 34 weeks everything isnt ok!! 

I was born at 34 weeks and yes im lucky i didnt have much wrong with me... but i have a heart mumour, slight deafness and other problems due to being early. 

My OH was born at 32 weeks he nearly died twice also has a heart mumour and other things wrong with him. 

I know it can be hard sometimes when your pregnant... im only 4 years older than you and i have struggled worrying about money and stuff, but there are lots of people that can help you... 

PLEASE PLEASE dont try and make your baby come early. I would have loved my baby to come a few weeks ago they are stubbon little things anyway and will only come when THEY are ready or if you are induced x


----------



## LuckySalem

It is your choice BUT as others have said the healthier your baby is the easier your life will be. So please take the bed rest (can't you start your MAT leave early?) and give your baby the best start in life.


----------



## Sparky0207

Shocklee16 said:


> Sparky0207 said:
> 
> 
> Yes you were fine but what about other babies that are born early and are not fine?
> 
> Im sorry but I think you are incredibly selfish. Not commented up til now as thought maybe you meant you wanted your baby at full term but at 34 weeks is far too early. Yes you may be single and yes you may be having a lot of time off work but thats not your babies fault. Do you seriously want to risk your baby's long term health because you 'figured it would be nice to have him here a little early'?
> 
> Disgusting IMO.
> 
> Well I am really sorry you feel that way. Everything must be going great with you. But for me, its not. Yes I understand what everyone is saying too me. Im not stupid. Thanks for the input.Click to expand...

No things have not been great for me, I was single throughout the early stages of my pregnancy. I also went into labour at 31 weeks with my daughter and was told all of the risks to her and was petrified that I could end up having my precious child too early. Thank god they were able to stop it. Its not just you thats had it hard. You seriously need to think about what you are saying.


----------



## NickyT75

Has your doctor advised you to be on bed rest hun?

coz I can appreciate the fact that you feel youd rather be at work earning more money for your baby :hugs: but surely your little boys health should be your main priority? and if you have been medically advised bed rest - it is in your babys best interest to do it xx


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

Scrap the sure start thing hun sorry your in the US
xx


----------



## Shocklee16

LuckySalem said:


> It is your choice BUT as others have said the healthier your baby is the easier your life will be. So please take the bed rest (can't you start your MAT leave early?) and give your baby the best start in life.

I dont know if I can even get maternity leave without getting fired. I have only been at this job a little over a month now...so I dont know if I qualify or can even stand being away that long. As much as I would want too idk if I can do it. Because I would need too be putting in hours too support me and my baby.


----------



## bumpsmum

you also need to think of your own health as well, if bed rest has been advised, itd for BOTH of you. I developed pre-eclampsia ans that was scary within hours of my emergency section I needed kidney dialysis I was very lucky and I was not advised bed rest.

Have you been in touch with your midwife service, they can offer so much support and info on funding support etc that you are entitled to x


----------



## lizzieandzara

cant someone lock this thread? Repetative..


----------



## bumpsmum

you might not get mat leave but you will get some kind of statutary maternity pay from Govt? not sure of US system tho tbh


----------



## LuckySalem

You need to ask


----------



## tonyamanda

Sam9kids said:


> bexxie said:
> 
> 
> No matter how uncomfy you get why try??
> 
> My first was 2 weeks late all I thought was lovely extra sleep......and boy was I glad of it as she was a crap sleeper.......2nd one early by 3.5 weeks luckily she slept well lol
> 
> This one will come when he comes am in no hurry at all would rather he is all tucked up inside me safe and secure....Sam9kids was exactly the same day as me and luckily Jenson has come out safe and sound but I bet she would have preferred another few weeks (eh Sam?) I think when you see all the hearbreak and worry Prem-mums go through why wish a baby here sooner just becuase out arses feel like they have hit the floor and we cant do anything considered reasonably comfortable.....yes I get fed up right now I could cry with the SPD pain and yes can be induced at 37 weeks but I dont think I will go for it unless my baby is over the 9lbs threshold which in that case large enough.....
> 
> Enough of the lecture,keep your sprits up and rest.x
> 
> :thumbup:
> 
> I sure as hell wouldnt wish it on anyone!
> 
> Trips back and forth to scbu at least 3 times a day.
> 
> Seeing allsorts of leads and tubes coming out of various parts of his tiny body Including drips, nasal tubes, heart monitors
> 
> Alarms going off when he forgets to take a breath
> 
> Looking at his black and bruised tiny heels where they have to keep giving him a heel prick to draw blood for blood gases, sugar levels etc
> 
> Not being able to hold him
> 
> having to wash him through a porthole in the incubator
> 
> Not being able to settle him to sleep and be able to check on him whenever during the night. (i have to ring and someone elses has to tell me how he is)
> 
> I could go on but wont, ive made my point i think x:hugs:Click to expand...

this made me cry hunni.. I feel for you and your little man. :cry: :hugs: I wouldn't want my baby to come any earlier then 40 weeks.. my son was born at 37 weeks and that was early enough to scare me :nope:


----------



## frouphea

OP, even though you aren't with the babies father, will he be contributing finacially? Could he help out now? Don't feel to proud to ask for help, you and your babys health depends on it. You are supposed to be on bed rest. 

Also, can I ask what would help about him coming early? I don't understand b


----------



## Sam9kids

tonyamanda said:


> Sam9kids said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bexxie said:
> 
> 
> No matter how uncomfy you get why try??
> 
> My first was 2 weeks late all I thought was lovely extra sleep......and boy was I glad of it as she was a crap sleeper.......2nd one early by 3.5 weeks luckily she slept well lol
> 
> This one will come when he comes am in no hurry at all would rather he is all tucked up inside me safe and secure....Sam9kids was exactly the same day as me and luckily Jenson has come out safe and sound but I bet she would have preferred another few weeks (eh Sam?) I think when you see all the hearbreak and worry Prem-mums go through why wish a baby here sooner just becuase out arses feel like they have hit the floor and we cant do anything considered reasonably comfortable.....yes I get fed up right now I could cry with the SPD pain and yes can be induced at 37 weeks but I dont think I will go for it unless my baby is over the 9lbs threshold which in that case large enough.....
> 
> Enough of the lecture,keep your sprits up and rest.x
> 
> :thumbup:
> 
> I sure as hell wouldnt wish it on anyone!
> 
> Trips back and forth to scbu at least 3 times a day.
> 
> Seeing allsorts of leads and tubes coming out of various parts of his tiny body Including drips, nasal tubes, heart monitors
> 
> Alarms going off when he forgets to take a breath
> 
> Looking at his black and bruised tiny heels where they have to keep giving him a heel prick to draw blood for blood gases, sugar levels etc
> 
> Not being able to hold him
> 
> having to wash him through a porthole in the incubator
> 
> Not being able to settle him to sleep and be able to check on him whenever during the night. (i have to ring and someone elses has to tell me how he is)
> 
> I could go on but wont, ive made my point i think x:hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> this made me cry hunni.. I feel for you and your little man. :cry: :hugs: I wouldn't want my baby to come any earlier then 40 weeks.. my son was born at 37 weeks and that was early enough to scare me :nope:Click to expand...

Thankyou hun xxx:hugs::hugs:

Shocklee, i understand that you are struggling but no hunni, you dont want a baby born now believe me. Ive had 4 premmies, and honestly, you dont.

I was 19 when i had my first, ive been there, i know how hard it is :hugs:

Please read my origional post as quoted above and think about what you are saying. As much as i loooooooooovvvvvveeeeeeee my little man, i wish he was still inside me growing and getting the best start he deserves.

I spent last night crying thinking that i had failed him. You honestly dont want to feel like that.

Good luck hun xx:hugs:


----------



## Foogirl

Sparky0207 said:


> Yes you were fine but what about other babies that are born early and are not fine?
> 
> Im sorry but I think you are incredibly selfish. Not commented up til now as thought maybe you meant you wanted your baby at full term but at 34 weeks is far too early. Yes you may be single and yes you may be having a lot of time off work but thats not your babies fault. Do you seriously want to risk your baby's long term health because you 'figured it would be nice to have him here a little early'?
> 
> Disgusting IMO.

Totally agree



Shocklee16 said:


> I dont know if I can even get maternity leave without getting fired. I have only been at this job a little over a month now...so I dont know if I qualify or can even stand being away that long. As much as I would want too idk if I can do it. Because I would need too be putting in hours too support me and my baby.

What? 34 weeks pregnant and you haven't even bothered to find out what your rights are for maternity leave? Or, presumably what other help is available to you?

I really, really don't like using the word "stupid" but unfortunately it is the one going round my head at the moment. I am just furious over your progressive comments about how hard it is for you and how terrible it all is. Perhaps you should have thought about that before getting yourself in this situation. But here you are and you must deal with it. Start by working out what you are entitled to for maternity leave and are able to get in terms of help and go get it. No matter how independent you think you are, independence doesn't provide food for a child or pay your bills. If your job will fire you for taking maternity leave, what exactly are you planning to do to keep your job? Have a couple of sick days to give birth then go straight back? If you lose this job you just have to go find another.

If you have been prescribed bedrest for goodness sakes take it.

Do not , under any circumstances, wish a premature (or even an early) birth on yourself. And certainly don't to anything to encourage it.

Apart from being hugely insulting to those of us who have had premature babies - and more so to those who haven't been so lucky, your knowledge appears to be based entirely on one situation where one baby survived. And that proves nothing.

Others have already listed the large numbers of problems premature babies (and their parents) face so I won't re-iterate. But as it appears to be money which drives all of your argument so far, consider this. Most of those comments so far have been from the UK where we have a good universally free healthcare. I would hope you have good medical insurance - how would you feel about facing a massive bill for premature baby care? We estimated Abby's 6 week stay would have cost in the region of £50,000. That's almost $75,000. You able to foot that bill?

Then there is the time off work you would need to be able to visit and care for your child - unless you expect to visit for an hour a day after work. Would your job allow that? And the time off work required for follow up appointments. The additional costs of any special care nursery your child may need - even Abby at eleven weeks early with no known issues has been turned down by some nurseries so far. Medicines your child will definitely require, food supplements and additives to compensate for low birth weight. All that is supposing your child is one of the lucky ones and has the minimal amount of health issues. Beyond this you may well need medical equipment at home, you'll even pay more for things like special premature baby clothes. The list of costs is endless. Certainly your computer and internet connection would have to go - as well as pretty much any other unnecesary items you pay for. Every penny you have spare will be required.

You've got yourself into a situation and are looking for a way out which is not in any way acceptable. Right now you have no time to be dealing with a premature baby, you need to be spending every spare minute working out how you are going to provide for your baby. You've got 6 weeks, you're going to need it.

I apologise to anyone who finds this post offensive. I normally will hold back but as I said on another thread, there is a time and place for "softly softly there there" and this is not it. Having experienced premature birth and seen these tiny babies fighting for every breath, spending weeks going through numerous procedure, seeing parents who are not so lucky being told their babies aren't going to make it, I believe the OP needs to have some sense shocked into her to make her see this is not the way out of her situation. "Awww Hun" just aint going to do that.


----------



## thechaosismex

^ Well said. :thumbup: x


----------



## Seity

Look into this ASAP 
https://www.growingfamilybenefits.com/texas_short_term_disability
Hrmm. Nevermind you'd have needed it before you were pregnant.


----------



## LuckySalem

Foogirl I actually think/hope your post will work.


----------



## pinktaffy

Foogirl said:


> Sparky0207 said:
> 
> 
> Yes you were fine but what about other babies that are born early and are not fine?
> 
> Im sorry but I think you are incredibly selfish. Not commented up til now as thought maybe you meant you wanted your baby at full term but at 34 weeks is far too early. Yes you may be single and yes you may be having a lot of time off work but thats not your babies fault. Do you seriously want to risk your baby's long term health because you 'figured it would be nice to have him here a little early'?
> 
> Disgusting IMO.
> 
> Totally agree
> 
> 
> 
> Shocklee16 said:
> 
> 
> I dont know if I can even get maternity leave without getting fired. I have only been at this job a little over a month now...so I dont know if I qualify or can even stand being away that long. As much as I would want too idk if I can do it. Because I would need too be putting in hours too support me and my baby.Click to expand...
> 
> What? 34 weeks pregnant and you haven't even bothered to find out what your rights are for maternity leave? Or, presumably what other help is available to you?
> 
> I really, really don't like using the word "stupid" but unfortunately it is the one going round my head at the moment. I am just furious over your progressive comments about how hard it is for you and how terrible it all is. Perhaps you should have thought about that before getting yourself in this situation. But here you are and you must deal with it. Start by working out what you are entitled to for maternity leave and are able to get in terms of help and go get it. No matter how independent you think you are, independence doesn't provide food for a child or pay your bills. If your job will fire you for taking maternity leave, what exactly are you planning to do to keep your job? Have a couple of sick days to give birth then go straight back? If you lose this job you just have to go find another.
> 
> If you have been prescribed bedrest for goodness sakes take it.
> 
> Do not , under any circumstances, wish a premature (or even an early) birth on yourself. And certainly don't to anything to encourage it.
> 
> Apart from being hugely insulting to those of us who have had premature babies - and more so to those who haven't been so lucky, your knowledge appears to be based entirely on one situation where one baby survived. And that proves nothing.
> 
> Others have already listed the large numbers of problems premature babies (and their parents) face so I won't re-iterate. But as it appears to be money which drives all of your argument so far, consider this. Most of those comments so far have been from the UK where we have a good universally free healthcare. I would hope you have good medical insurance - how would you feel about facing a massive bill for premature baby care? We estimated Abby's 6 week stay would have cost in the region of £50,000. That's almost $75,000. You able to foot that bill?
> 
> Then there is the time off work you would need to be able to visit and care for your child - unless you expect to visit for an hour a day after work. Would your job allow that? And the time off work required for follow up appointments. The additional costs of any special care nursery your child may need - even Abby at eleven weeks early with no known issues has been turned down by some nurseries so far. Medicines your child will definitely require, food supplements and additives to compensate for low birth weight. All that is supposing your child is one of the lucky ones and has the minimal amount of health issues. Beyond this you may well need medical equipment at home, you'll even pay more for things like special premature baby clothes. The list of costs is endless. Certainly your computer and internet connection would have to go - as well as pretty much any other unnecesary items you pay for. Every penny you have spare will be required.
> 
> You've got yourself into a situation and are looking for a way out which is not in any way acceptable. Right now you have no time to be dealing with a premature baby, you need to be spending every spare minute working out how you are going to provide for your baby. You've got 6 weeks, you're going to need it.
> 
> I apologise to anyone who finds this post offensive. I normally will hold back but as I said on another thread, there is a time and place for "softly softly there there" and this is not it. Having experienced premature birth and seen these tiny babies fighting for every breath, spending weeks going through numerous procedure, seeing parents who are not so lucky being told their babies aren't going to make it, I believe the OP needs to have some sense shocked into her to make her see this is not the way out of her situation. "Awww Hun" just aint going to do that.Click to expand...

i dont think theres any need to call the poor girl stupid.

i think u had alot of good advice in this post and u made alot of sence . but there is no need to insult her while u was doing the post. u could of easly left the stupid part out .


----------



## 05wilkesm

Honestly, its starting to get on my nerves that most of the threads on third trimester turn in to arguements! i got too about page 4 and all i saw was girls bitching saying how she shouldnt be trying to but i think by about page 4 of the same thing she would have realised, sorry too all you preemie mums about what you had too go through though :hugs:
xx


----------



## Vickie

Let's remember to keep this thread supportive. :flower: Educating is one thing, belittling another


----------



## Foogirl

pinktaffy said:


> i dont think theres any need to call the poor girl stupid.
> 
> i think u had alot of good advice in this post and u made alot of sence . but there is no need to insult her while u was doing the post. u could of easly left the stupid part out .

You are probably absolutely right. And ordinarily I wouldn't as I really don't like making that sort of judgement.

But maybe a picture of my daughter first born will help you understand where I'm coming from.

https://i690.photobucket.com/albums/vv268/original_foogirl/09-04-27a.jpg

And she was lucky to have a great weight and 2 courses of steroids before she was born. The thought that someone would intentionally want to put their child through this is - well, I won't go there.....


----------



## LuckySalem

She's gorgeous - how heavy was she? She looks drowned in that nappy.


----------



## pinktaffy

Foogirl said:


> pinktaffy said:
> 
> 
> i dont think theres any need to call the poor girl stupid.
> 
> i think u had alot of good advice in this post and u made alot of sence . but there is no need to insult her while u was doing the post. u could of easly left the stupid part out .
> 
> You are probably absolutely right. And ordinarily I wouldn't as I really don't like making that sort of judgement.
> 
> But maybe a picture of my daughter first born will help you understand where I'm coming from.
> 
> https://i690.photobucket.com/albums/vv268/original_foogirl/09-04-27a.jpg
> 
> And she was lucky to have a great weight and 2 courses of steroids before she was born.Click to expand...

i do totaly get were your comming from . my neice was so tiny and small. i think your post made loads of sence and would of been helpfull. if u had worded it less insulting. dont forget she is only 18..


----------



## corrie anne

depending on your job title, you most likely wont get mat. leave. The u.s has no support like the u.n does(or what i have gathered) on mat.leave. We dont have resources like the do. If you are on Medicaid, i know the can help well. The can help with child care and you would only pay a little charge. I know you can make it work for you and our baby, you just need to know what our gov. has to offer. I am sure you can qualify for public housing or section 8 if you need a place of your own. your community churches can help you, pregnancy centers can help as well with clothing and diapers for your baby if need be. I would use all the help you can get. Sometimes you just have to ask. freecycle.org has free stuff people give away you can find one for your area. I am hoping things get better for you,hun.


----------



## Foogirl

pinktaffy said:


> dont forget she is only 18..

And yet when others have mentioned her age they've been told that age has nothing to do with it. I totally agree.


LuckySalem said:


> She's gorgeous - how heavy was she? She looks drowned in that nappy.

Thanks. It is just so heartbreaking to see them with wires, on a ventilator and having had so many needles in to them.

She was 3lbs 7oz - about a pound heavier than most 29 weekers. She would have been massive at full term - as would I! (Interestingly, before I actually read the OP's post I was sympathetic, thinking about how being ready to pop with a baby the size Abby would have been, would have been horrible! - But then I realised it had nothing to do with the oh so common "sick of being pregnant" cry we hear a lot)

That nappy is pampers micro. The smallest size they do. It is about the size of the palm of your hand.


----------



## lanaross

girls stop attacking her, it doesn't help. You're forgetting that our maternity leave is not even paid in most companies and our medical bills even with an insurance will pile up. Put yourself in her shoes for a second, then comment. She's trying to figure out how to provide for her bubs and it's not possible without a job and she will lose the job if stays on bed rest. It's a lose-lose.

Shocklee16 -- didn't you find a job at Loehmans a while back or I am confusing something? If you started a month ago, I am pretty sure you can't get any maternity leave, but you can surely try for short term disability. Also did you get fired/laid off from your previous job? You might want to look into unemployment if possible. Also look here https://www.adoptionservices.org/women_infants_children/index.htm - they are listing some financial/food help available for you and the baby while you're pregnant and after. 

Did you contact your family? Will they be able to help? Did you contact baby's father? He will need to step in. 

I completely understand about the bed rest hun, try to speak to your manager and explain the situation maybe? especially if she's a woman, she should understand? You need to stay put for another couple weeks, then at 36 weeks they really let you do whatever you need, that's just a couple weeks.

DO NOT PANIC, this is not the end of the world, just the beginning.


----------



## Foogirl

lanaross said:


> she will lose the job if stays on bed rest. It's a lose-lose.

And she may lose her child if she doesn't.

I don't know about the US, but in the UK complete bedrest isn't something they prescribe lightly.


----------



## lauralora

i cannot believe the harsh comments on this post, im not even from third tri but i just HAD to comment. It annoys me so much how younger people get discrimminated against, they are JUST as capable of being good parents. Im 21 and no i can do a dam sight better at raising a baby than most bloody 30 year olds. Love is the key and im sure the poster has this for her baby. 
I do agree that she shouldnt have her baby early, BUT the post about adoption is the worst post on this sight ive EVER seen. 
Give her a break shes struggling and has admitted that, shes probably having an emotional day and needs help, you older posters (if you think your wiser) should give guidance not petty comments back to her.

xx


----------



## 05wilkesm

i think this thread ought to be locked or something, Some of the things said on here are totally disgusting. i Hardly come in to 3rd trimestester cos when i do i see crap like this! And her age should never have been brought up at all as if you have a look in the teen pregnancy forum you will see no arguements and they occur hardly ever, so what does that say.
Instead of having a go and putting things accross so nastily you should try and actually help the girl and give her advice, Yes you might be giving her advice etc but your not doing it in the nicest way exactly are you. Why dont some of you girls try that for once instead of constantly seeming like you want an arguement.
Yes i really do feel sorry for all you preemie mums who had to go through seeing your babies like that, But then shouldnt you want to explain to the girl in a way that she will listen and not make it look like your constantly your insulting her for being so stupid??


----------



## katrina1987

Hi, I would say the same leave it till atleast 37-39 weeks. I know how you are feeling I have 8 days off my due date and am completely fed up now. I am trying what my midwife advised, walks, lavendar baths, and lots of sex. But in all honesty he'll get hear when he is good and ready. Hopefully soon. Take care and good luck x


----------



## nightkd

Laura2919 said:


> Shocklee16 said:
> 
> 
> My mom had me early and everything was fine. Sometimes when baby is born early things do not always go wrong. Like I said, I came out just fine. No health issues or problems. And this post was not meant too upset anyone who has had a premature baby before. I didnt intend for it too sound like that. I appreciate all the input from everyone. I realize it is a little early but I have my reasons as too why I would like him here a little earlier. Im going too be a single mother. No one is helping me or anything. Some family but that is it. I am working full time, no car, and im not in college. Im 18 and Im doing the best I know how too. Im trying too get everything ready for baby and in order for me too keep my job too support me and my baby, I cant lose my job. And lately I have been missing alot. I need to be able too stay on my feet and I figured it would be nice too have him here a little earlier than expected so I can get things moving again. Thank you!
> 
> *Well you clearly show your age by your comment*. No offence to 18 year olds just i am a few (ok a bit more than a few) years older
> 
> What makes you think that your baby will be just fine?? Because you were?? I wasnt a prem, I was born on time on my due date to be exact, my partner 7 days late! We still both had prems! My mum carried me and my siblings without a hitch to full term an I was fine. My girls werent so lucky!
> 
> You think that you saying your job and you being single can justify you wanting your baby early?? Id have very easily quit my job if it meant risk to my kids however much I needed it and trust me I need my job.
> 
> Nothing can justify you wanting that baby early.Click to expand...

No. The OP shows her MATURITY if anything. I'm 19. Not making a big deal out of it, but sometimes just a slight change in wording can help avoid offence :winkwink:

At the end of the day OP, LO won't come until he's ready. I know it might feel crappy to be missing work and seem easier if LO arrives asap, but I know you'd feel awful if LO did turn up early and there was something wrong with him because he needed a bit longer to cook. Baby's health is worth a lot more than...well..._anything_! I do think some of the comments in this thread have been a little too harsh and uncalled for...I'm sure after reading all the comments you understand the points that people have been trying to make (some are just a little sensitive because of their own experiences, but all are basically just worried about the health and safety of yourself and LO - it's just a risk that's not worth taking) so I won't go on.

The US system SUCKS - DH is not entitled to ANY paternity leave legally...I read somewhere that if I was working I'd only be entitled to a couple of weeks :wacko: it's crazy....Better to find out now though, instead of waiting until the last minute and finding yourself stuck!

xx


----------



## insomnimama

Resources for single parents- Texas:

https://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/resources.shtml

https://www.oag.state.tx.us/cs/ofi/index.shtml

https://www.maxxfamilylife.com/Sing...ssistance_for_single_mothers_texas_page_1.php

https://singleparents.about.com/od/statebystateresources/qt/texas.htm

https://singlefamilyvoices.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=49

And on how expensive it is to raise a preemie (never mind how risky and how heartbreaking)... 
https://thepreemieexperiment.blogspot.com/2007/02/financial-impact-of-having-and-raising.html

Please, please take your bedrest if it has been prescribed.

:hug:


----------



## Minstermind

05wilkesm said:


> i think this thread ought to be locked or something, Some of the things said on here are totally disgusting. *i Hardly come in to 3rd trimestester cos when i do i see crap like this!* And her age should never have been brought up at all as if you have a look in the teen pregnancy forum you will see no arguements and they occur hardly ever, so what does that say.
> Instead of having a go and putting things accross so nastily you should try and actually help the girl and give her advice, Yes you might be giving her advice etc but your not doing it in the nicest way exactly are you. Why dont some of you girls try that for once instead of constantly seeming like you want an arguement.
> Yes i really do feel sorry for all you preemie mums who had to go through seeing your babies like that, But then shouldnt you want to explain to the girl in a way that she will listen and not make it look like your constantly your insulting her for being so stupid??

We must be clicking on different threads in here cause the vast majority of the ones I read are pretty positive and supportive! I just think the few nasty ones that pop up tend to command people's attention more than the more ''run of the mill'' types lol :)


----------



## xpinkness87x

I just think everyone should just leave the OP alone now. 

Some of the things i have seen in this thread are just plain nasty. *And no i am not sticking up for the fact she thinks its right to want her baby to come early!! *


----------



## scotsgirl

hiya popping over from 2nd trimester. i had my DS at 34 weeks due to premature rupture of membranes(PROM). he was in fetal distresss so had to have an emergency ceaserean.
he then developed respiratory distress syndrome due to his underdeveloped lungs and was ventilated. so although he was 34 weeks but mb seem a lot for a premie baby and was 5lb 10 he just wasnt ready to be born. we nearly lost him twice and thankfully he is a healthy 3 year old now, it could have been so different. i had no warning.. nothing!!
not an attempt to scaremonger you hun but just to let you know that its better to get to as full term as possible. i know u must be fed up.. god knows im fed up and im only 24 weeks lol but just think every day your baby is inside you they are growing that bit stronger for life on the outside xxx


----------



## Youngling

lauralora said:


> i cannot believe the harsh comments on this post, im not even from third tri but i just HAD to comment. It annoys me so much how younger people get discrimminated against, they are JUST as capable of being good parents. Im 21 and no i can do a dam sight better at raising a baby than most bloody 30 year olds. Love is the key and im sure the poster has this for her baby.
> I do agree that she shouldnt have her baby early, BUT the post about adoption is the worst post on this sight ive EVER seen.
> Give her a break shes struggling and has admitted that, shes probably having an emotional day and needs help, you older posters (if you think your wiser) should give guidance not petty comments back to her.
> 
> xx

Best comment Iv seen on here so far. Im also not from 3rd tri but jesus some people are just plain rude.
Poor girl just wanted some advise and ends up getting attacked. If you dont agree with something then sometimes its best to keep ur thoughts to urself. Im sure some of you really hurt her feelings posting some of the things you did.
My twin brothers were born 3 months early, and yes they were poorly for a while but they made a full recovery. They are now 24 and are very fit and healthy.
To OP - Im sorry some people have given u such a hard time but sometimes its best to ignore what other people say. Hope ur ok.
Im 20 and also think i am just as capable as a 30 year old to raise a baby. Age doesnt matter, as long as u have love and support around you. Which is all this girl needed and Im sure u made her feel like shes worthless, which she isnt!! 
xx


----------



## Laura2919

At the end of the day babies born at 34 weeks are a higher risk of having problems and needing help, Just because you was born at 34 weeks dont mean for a second all will be ok. 
Maybe you should experience what a NeoNatal unit is like when you first walk in, and we will see if you ever post about wanting your baby early again! 

People may think I am harsh but I am not. I sat by both my daugthers incubators as I watched machines pump their little bodies and IV Drips hang out their arms, Monitors beeping left, right and centre and little babies around us needing blood transfusions and blood being taken from anywhere possible.


----------



## MandaAnda

OP, I'm sorry the comments on this thread haven't all been entirely positive. I can only imagine how tough it must be preparing to be a single mum in the US healthcare system (I'm American myself and have worked in that system). But if you're worried about money, trying to have your baby pre-term isn't the way to go, as even low level NICU care is hundreds to thousands of dollars each day, much more than you'd lose missing a few days' work.

As a NICU nurse, I can tell you this: while you are currently at a good gestation that would hopefully avoid most problems experienced by extremely premature babies, there are still things that would cause problems delivering this early. The main two are breathing and feeding. Baby's lungs are not completely developed, so there could be problems there (anything from requiring mechanical ventilation where the baby can't breathe on its own, to CPAP, to low-flow nasal cannula oxygen). Long-term oxygen use can cause problems as well (look up ROP/Retinopathy of Prematurity if you're interested). Bleeds on the brain and resulting developmental delay are also a concern that diminishes the longer a baby remains in the womb. Also, while baby can perform all the actions to feed, these actions aren't coordinated yet (sucking, breathing and swallowing), and baby would likely need to be fed via nasogastric tube until it can do this (some babies are slower and take until they would've been term to accomplish this). Also, bringing on labour before the baby's head is engaged can cause cord prolapse (the cord comes before the baby) with the cord possibly being compressed during delivery and cutting off the baby's oxygen/nutrient supply.

I'm certainly not trying to scare you in any way, but I think it is very important for every woman to have as much information available to them before they make such a decision.


----------



## Laura2919

Youngling said:


> lauralora said:
> 
> 
> i cannot believe the harsh comments on this post, im not even from third tri but i just HAD to comment. It annoys me so much how younger people get discrimminated against, they are JUST as capable of being good parents. Im 21 and no i can do a dam sight better at raising a baby than most bloody 30 year olds. Love is the key and im sure the poster has this for her baby.
> I do agree that she shouldnt have her baby early, BUT the post about adoption is the worst post on this sight ive EVER seen.
> Give her a break shes struggling and has admitted that, shes probably having an emotional day and needs help, you older posters (if you think your wiser) should give guidance not petty comments back to her.
> 
> xx
> 
> Best comment Iv seen on here so far. Im also not from 3rd tri but jesus some people are just plain rude.
> Poor girl just wanted some advise and ends up getting attacked. If you dont agree with something then sometimes its best to keep ur thoughts to urself. Im sure some of you really hurt her feelings posting some of the things you did.
> My twin brothers were born 3 months early, and yes they were poorly for a while but they made a full recovery. They are now 24 and are very fit and healthy.
> To OP - Im sorry some people have given u such a hard time but sometimes its best to ignore what other people say. Hope ur ok.
> Im 20 and also think i am just as capable as a 30 year old to raise a baby. Age doesnt matter, as long as u have love and support around you. Which is all this girl needed and Im sure u made her feel like shes worthless, which she isnt!!
> xxClick to expand...

Yeah ignore us. Lets hope you never ever experience a NNU with your own child. You might of experienced it with your 'twin' brothers but you aint experienced nothing until its your own little baby fighting for life. 

I am 23 and just as capable, In fact blowing my own trumpet, I have two kids that are 13 months old, I also work, cook, clean, tidy and all the other stuff a mother does. This is not about how she is going to bring the child up its why the hell would she want to put it at risk! Please!


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## Laura2919

nightkd said:


> Laura2919 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Shocklee16 said:
> 
> 
> My mom had me early and everything was fine. Sometimes when baby is born early things do not always go wrong. Like I said, I came out just fine. No health issues or problems. And this post was not meant too upset anyone who has had a premature baby before. I didnt intend for it too sound like that. I appreciate all the input from everyone. I realize it is a little early but I have my reasons as too why I would like him here a little earlier. Im going too be a single mother. No one is helping me or anything. Some family but that is it. I am working full time, no car, and im not in college. Im 18 and Im doing the best I know how too. Im trying too get everything ready for baby and in order for me too keep my job too support me and my baby, I cant lose my job. And lately I have been missing alot. I need to be able too stay on my feet and I figured it would be nice too have him here a little earlier than expected so I can get things moving again. Thank you!
> 
> *Well you clearly show your age by your comment*. No offence to 18 year olds just i am a few (ok a bit more than a few) years older
> 
> What makes you think that your baby will be just fine?? Because you were?? I wasnt a prem, I was born on time on my due date to be exact, my partner 7 days late! We still both had prems! My mum carried me and my siblings without a hitch to full term an I was fine. My girls werent so lucky!
> 
> You think that you saying your job and you being single can justify you wanting your baby early?? Id have very easily quit my job if it meant risk to my kids however much I needed it and trust me I need my job.
> 
> Nothing can justify you wanting that baby early.Click to expand...
> 
> No. The OP shows her MATURITY if anything. I'm 19. Not making a big deal out of it, but sometimes just a slight change in wording can help avoid offence :winkwink:
> 
> At the end of the day OP, LO won't come until he's ready. I know it might feel crappy to be missing work and seem easier if LO arrives asap, but I know you'd feel awful if LO did turn up early and there was something wrong with him because he needed a bit longer to cook. Baby's health is worth a lot more than...well..._anything_! I do think some of the comments in this thread have been a little too harsh and uncalled for...I'm sure after reading all the comments you understand the points that people have been trying to make (some are just a little sensitive because of their own experiences, but all are basically just worried about the health and safety of yourself and LO - it's just a risk that's not worth taking) so I won't go on.
> 
> The US system SUCKS - DH is not entitled to ANY paternity leave legally...I read somewhere that if I was working I'd only be entitled to a couple of weeks :wacko: it's crazy....Better to find out now though, instead of waiting until the last minute and finding yourself stuck!
> 
> xxClick to expand...

I am not in the US I am in the UK but I couldnt care less if you was on Mars. NOTHING and I mean NOTHING could possibly make you want to practically put harm to something you have a carried for 34 weeks!!


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## lizzieandzara

Please someone lock this bloody thread. Nothing positive is coming out of it, people are just getting high-rate and insulting each other. NOT what this forum is about. I suggest no one replies anymore.. its become ridiculous!


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## Youngling

Laura2919 said:


> Youngling said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lauralora said:
> 
> 
> i cannot believe the harsh comments on this post, im not even from third tri but i just HAD to comment. It annoys me so much how younger people get discrimminated against, they are JUST as capable of being good parents. Im 21 and no i can do a dam sight better at raising a baby than most bloody 30 year olds. Love is the key and im sure the poster has this for her baby.
> I do agree that she shouldnt have her baby early, BUT the post about adoption is the worst post on this sight ive EVER seen.
> Give her a break shes struggling and has admitted that, shes probably having an emotional day and needs help, you older posters (if you think your wiser) should give guidance not petty comments back to her.
> 
> xx
> 
> Best comment Iv seen on here so far. Im also not from 3rd tri but jesus some people are just plain rude.
> Poor girl just wanted some advise and ends up getting attacked. If you dont agree with something then sometimes its best to keep ur thoughts to urself. Im sure some of you really hurt her feelings posting some of the things you did.
> My twin brothers were born 3 months early, and yes they were poorly for a while but they made a full recovery. They are now 24 and are very fit and healthy.
> To OP - Im sorry some people have given u such a hard time but sometimes its best to ignore what other people say. Hope ur ok.
> Im 20 and also think i am just as capable as a 30 year old to raise a baby. Age doesnt matter, as long as u have love and support around you. Which is all this girl needed and Im sure u made her feel like shes worthless, which she isnt!!
> xxClick to expand...
> 
> Yeah ignore us. Lets hope you never ever experience a NNU with your own child. You might of experienced it with your 'twin' brothers but you aint experienced nothing until its your own little baby fighting for life.
> 
> I am 23 and just as capable, In fact blowing my own trumpet, I have two kids that are 13 months old, I also work, cook, clean, tidy and all the other stuff a mother does. This is not about how she is going to bring the child up its why the hell would she want to put it at risk! Please!Click to expand...

Why did u put twin in quotations?? are u implying that i dont twin brothers? Yes its a scary thing for any mother to go through and Im sure my mum was just as scared as any1 else when it happened to her. 
All im saying is that it is possible for babies to pull through after being born prematurely. and i know sadly it isnt the case for every1 and my heart goes out to any1 who has lost their child.
My post wasnt impltying that I was agreeing with her trying to bring her labour on prematurely but was simply giving her some kind words after being attacked.


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## AP

The comments regarding the OPs age ec are disgusting but this thread will no doubt offend preemie mums. 

I hope, shocklee, you've gave up on the idea. I would not wish having a preemie on anyone in the world.

And members going on about "so and so was preemie but fine now" Well - lucky you!
I was preemie too, at 29 weeks. I'm OK. Alex is NOT!

A lot of us arent that lucky and have to deal with our LO's having long lasting health problems.

I am currentley in a 2 year wait to discover whether Alex has cerebral palsy or not. My friends baby lives by living at home on a monitor and being tube fed - no bottles! Shes in the same 2 year wait as well!

We never asked for our preemies to be early, its going to hell and back. To see someone want their baby to be preemie is offensive to some of us.


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## AP

MandaAnda said:


> . Long-term oxygen use can cause problems as well (look up ROP/Retinopathy of Prematurity if you're interested). .

This is WHY Stevie Wonder is blind btw - just a real life example


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## Youngling

sb22 said:


> The comments regarding the OPs age ec are disgusting but this thread will no doubt offend preemie mums.
> 
> I hope, shocklee, you've gave up on the idea. I would not wish having a preemie on anyone in the world.
> 
> And members going on about "so and so was preemie but fine now" Well - lucky you!
> I was preemie too, at 29 weeks. I'm OK. Alex is NOT!
> 
> A lot of us arent that lucky and have to deal with our LO's having long lasting health problems.
> 
> I am currentley in a 2 year wait to discover whether Alex has cerebral palsy or not. My friends baby lives by living at home on a monitor and being tube fed - no bottles! Shes in the same 2 year wait as well!
> 
> We never asked for our preemies to be early, its going to hell and back. To see someone want their baby to be preemie is offensive to some of us.

I totally understand that and 100% agree and Im so sorry your baby is going through this.
However as I said I was simply trying to be nice to the girl as some people were just being unfair to her and Im sure she didnt mean to cause any offence to any1.
xx


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## x-amy-x

:shock: how anyone could think having a preemie is easier than being pregnant... i dont know! Id sacrifice everything I had to make sure my baby was safe... didnt happen though, unfortunately we aren't given that choice. 

Enjoy the time left you have being pregnant, you're so close to being full term x


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## flame

I think with different opinions and with feelings running high that maybe this thread was stopped as what should be remembered that everyone has different feelings of life and how they will cope as some people are more mentally strong than others and the US has completely different healthcare and support than the UK as most things have to be payed for over there. Its easier for us in the UK as we can get free therapy about our feelings and how we are coping. 

As a community worker i have seen all kinds of diverse social situations and feel that shocklee shouldnt be judged in a harsh way as this will not help her self esteem or confidence in her abilities as a parent.


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## AP

Youngling said:


> sb22 said:
> 
> 
> The comments regarding the OPs age ec are disgusting but this thread will no doubt offend preemie mums.
> 
> I hope, shocklee, you've gave up on the idea. I would not wish having a preemie on anyone in the world.
> 
> And members going on about "so and so was preemie but fine now" Well - lucky you!
> I was preemie too, at 29 weeks. I'm OK. Alex is NOT!
> 
> A lot of us arent that lucky and have to deal with our LO's having long lasting health problems.
> 
> I am currentley in a 2 year wait to discover whether Alex has cerebral palsy or not. My friends baby lives by living at home on a monitor and being tube fed - no bottles! Shes in the same 2 year wait as well!
> 
> We never asked for our preemies to be early, its going to hell and back. To see someone want their baby to be preemie is offensive to some of us.
> 
> I totally understand that and 100% agree and Im so sorry your baby is going through this.
> However as I said I was simply trying to be nice to the girl as some people were just being unfair to her and Im sure she didnt mean to cause any offence to any1.
> xxClick to expand...

I think anything regarding her circumstances or age was unfair but anyone trying to tell her about life with preemies was justified hun. :)


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## Youngling

sb22 said:


> Youngling said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sb22 said:
> 
> 
> The comments regarding the OPs age ec are disgusting but this thread will no doubt offend preemie mums.
> 
> I hope, shocklee, you've gave up on the idea. I would not wish having a preemie on anyone in the world.
> 
> And members going on about "so and so was preemie but fine now" Well - lucky you!
> I was preemie too, at 29 weeks. I'm OK. Alex is NOT!
> 
> A lot of us arent that lucky and have to deal with our LO's having long lasting health problems.
> 
> I am currentley in a 2 year wait to discover whether Alex has cerebral palsy or not. My friends baby lives by living at home on a monitor and being tube fed - no bottles! Shes in the same 2 year wait as well!
> 
> We never asked for our preemies to be early, its going to hell and back. To see someone want their baby to be preemie is offensive to some of us.
> 
> I totally understand that and 100% agree and Im so sorry your baby is going through this.
> However as I said I was simply trying to be nice to the girl as some people were just being unfair to her and Im sure she didnt mean to cause any offence to any1.
> xxClick to expand...
> 
> I think anything regarding her circumstances or age was unfair but anyone trying to tell her about life with preemies was justified hun. :)Click to expand...

Agreed : ) I just dont think she started the thread intedning for any1 to come back at her like that or to hurt any1s feelings
x


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## AP

Youngling said:


> Agreed : ) I just dont think she started the thread intedning for any1 to come back at her like that or to hurt any1s feelings
> x

As long as she's learnt something from it - ie. Baby is not cooked!:wacko:

Seriously I thought my mum had me at 29 no problems. I just though - they get a bit of care and thats it, they're ok! She never really told me just how horrific it was. So it was horrible to find out for myself when i had my daughter!


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## 05wilkesm

Why hasnt this thread been closed, Honestly.


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## xpinkness87x

05wilkesm said:


> Why hasnt this thread been closed, Honestly.

I have reported it... so maybe everyone is busy and hasnt seen it yet.?


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## AP

05wilkesm said:


> Why hasnt this thread been closed, Honestly.

Agreed, its upsetting.:cry: We've had too many preemie babies born here who haven't been able to go home recently, this is pretty upsetting and insulting


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## polo_princess

This thread has now had 2 mods and admin post on it to try and calm the situation, so this is the final warning ... if you cant offer *constructive* advice then please leave the thread

There is a huge difference between "harsh reality" and just being plain harsh. Yes sometimes people need a wake up call and hopefully the experiences of the preemie mummies will make the OP reconsider the situation.

We dont allow belittling on any other thread on the forum so this one is no different!!


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## DueMarch2nd

Ok wow i have FINALLY caught up. Some of the comments have gotten quite heated due to preemie mums taking offense. I was giving her the benefit of the doubt when i posted before she replied and before all this turned heated. I assumed she meant how to get bubs out in a few weeks and i didnt think she was actually considering a preemie. I think age had nothing to do with it because if she was 30 and posting the same things she would get the same comments. And tbh she is the one that felt the need to say she is 18. I think that after her replies I can see that she is being quite selfish. I am no trying to be mean, just that it is selfish. I hope the OP sees that by now. It is way worse to have a premature baby than be pregnant financially and emotionally ESPECIALLY in her circumstances. There has been plenty of posts to give evidence to that fact. So tbh it is getting repetative (as if my post is helping that!) It doesnt really matter what we all say about the preemie situation anyway because as we know, bubs will come when ready so she has no choice in the matter. 

To the OP- I really hope you read all these peoples comments and filter out the negative comments and look at the facts that are there. Some people have given you loads of good advice. You need to educate yourself on what you are entitled to because if your job is the only source of income and you cant take time away from that job then how will you have recovery time off after birth. Do you have child care set up? 

I wish you the best of luck in the future and hope bubs stays put for a few more weeks at least.


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## pinktaffy

i shocked this thread is still open. i think alot of people have took this thread 2 far and personal. and im sure the op did not meen to upset anyone spesh mums with preemie babys.


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## 1st_timer

Honestly some people ought to be ashamed of themselves. This is a highly sensitive issue which deeply affects many people but baby and bump is about being supportive and not meant to be a place for people to vent their bad feelings. I think the earlier posts summed it up - that 34 weeks is really too early to try and evacuate your baby but many of us here are from the UK and can not even begin to comprehend how different things are in the US. 

We moan about not getting our HIP grants immediately, we moan if we think we aren't getting the right level of benefits etc but were pretty damn lucky - 9 months off with some money coming in? Bet many of the girls in the US would LOVE to swap places with us even if there is delay in getting what we think is rightfully ours.

The OP has not said what the additional circumstances are that may mean she's thinking in this way and nor quite frankly should she have to. Good on the ladies who have offered constructive advice and support.

Shocklee - it will happen when it's meant to. Don't rush it. Perhaps have a look into the great links the other girls have posted and see what's available to you - make sure you get all the help you can.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and the arrival of your little one.


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## Mummy2Asher

my turn to post...
have to say im really shocked at what some people wrote, i thought this forum was for support and sharing experiences of pregnancy? they are many ways to say your opinions without it being cruel.

to OP, some of the posts on here were informative and it is best to wait until baby reaches past 37weeks. age has nothing to do with being a parent, i had my son at 16 and know i am a great mum and have built a great life for him. the situation your in must be very hard, but the chance on having a ill baby would make things alot harder for you.
the best approach is to tackle it full on, take advantage of all the support there is in your area, find out about money and benefits you may get. you need to plan what your going to do, and trying to induce early isnt something to do, also the sex and curry things are old wives tales and rarely work. your baby will come when its ready to. its not just about starting contractions, your cervix softens and thins getting ready for labour. 
theres the teen board if you want support.


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## bumpsmum

Anyone (myself included) who has contributed to the thread who has a prem baby has done so with the intention of providing info and a bit of reality (yes possibly hash) at times but not to attack OP herself, but to provide insight into the reality of having an early baby.

Given that OP has not felt safe or comfortable to post in a while has maybe opened her eyes to a few things and which she has taken on board, if this where my thread too Id be too worried to come back which should not be what the forum is about.

Open forums with 'hot' topics are always going to be heated at times but personally I think that prem parents contributing to this thread may feel like other posters think we are 'ganging up' on the issue this is honestly not the case just individual posters sharing their experiences.

I agree with polo that unless folk can get there point across amicably then please dont post x


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## honeygrl

Shocklee: If you're still reading this, I actually have some constructive advice. I know you feel desperate at the moment. I know it has to be scary being young and alone with a baby on the way. It's easy for everyone to say to forget the job, take care of baby because they aren't the ones who will end up a homeless mother in the end.

You DO have help though!! First, if your job fires you over absences due to pregnancy you need to go directly to the unemployment office and file for unemployment. They will send you a weekly check to help you stay on your feet until you find another job after baby comes. Second, before that even happens, go to your local Dept of Family and Children Services. They are there to help you and you should qualify for medicaid (will pay all yours and baby's medical bills), TANF (will give you extra money for bills), and food stamps. If you are still struggling with rent money apply to live in government housing and your rent will be either *really* reduced or free entirely. This is what this system is meant for and you should use everything they can offer you. We all have moments of desperation and it's clear that you are having one of those moments. You certainly don't deserve to be berated for it. I hope you get the help you need and work things out. I promise things will get better! The tough times like this are the ones that build character and make us stronger people in the end.


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## MandaAnda

As someone who used to live in Texas (I believe that's where you live), I know that they also have WIC as well.


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## bunnyhop

sobersadie said:


> Nothing shifted my 1st 2 babies they were both 10 days overdue and induced and i tried the usual curry, etc. My 3rd came 2 weeks early and i had started nipple stimulation a few days before (google it!) and my hubbie gave me a back massage the hour before my waters broke so i dont know if it was coincidence or it works. You need to do it a lot though!

Ohh thats interesting as my 1st two where both 10 days over too i wonder if this one wont keep me waiting


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## lizziedripping

Wow!! Alot has happened here since my last visit.

I am the mum of a 24 weeker, so think I can speak with some authority and knowledge on this whole issue of prematurity.

I can honestly say this young girl's original post did not offend me. It was a shortsighted post which at best was naive, at worst insensitive - it certainly was not meant to offend.

As I said over on the "Preemie" forum, everyone has a different perspective on pregnancy relative to their past experiences. Though it is annoying to hear women complain about the last few weeks of pregnancy as they easily sail towards their 40th week, when I have been so desperate to hold on to this pregnancy to atleast 28 and beyond, I try not to condemn.

Only when you have been thru the prem experience can you really know how horrific it is, and how fraught with uncertainty having a baby before 37wks can be. To have easy pregnancies with full-term babies means that you are really ignorant to the implications of prematurity and all that it brings. 

In my first pregnancy (full term), I too complained about how uncomfortable I was, how I longed for it to be over and I couldn't wait to get baby out! Only when I faced the horror that was a 24weeker, did my perspective change. I wasn't being callous or selfish, just human - and let's face it, those last few weeks are tough!

I have had a stressful third twin pregnancy, convinced we faced another long battle for our babies' survival, and quite frankly despite my huge bump, constant discomfort and lack of sleep, I am soooo relieved that the bubbas are still cooking I daren't complain. I consider anything less than birth at 37wks to be unacceptable, and pray constantly I'll make it, but only because of my past experiences.

This girl quite clearly didn't mean to offend, and obviously doesn't realise the implications of a preemie birth - and how can she when she has no experience of it? 

She is not unlike the many people I meet daily who dismiss my predicament with comments like "well, you've reached 30wks now, you're home and dry" and "Evie (the 24weeker) is ok though isn't she?" i.e. it wasn't really that bad was it? Obviously these comments irritate, but at the end of the day they are not ill intentioned - just based on ignorance.

Let's draw a line under this, accept that both sides have a point, neither meaning to be offensive and move on. Suppressing opinion on a open forum certainly isn't the way to go xxx


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## Bee26

I have to say that although I think some of the comments onthis thread are uncalled for and out of line, I have found the information and experiences of a lot of posters really educational and informative. Not that I've ever even thought of wanting my baby here prematurely, my OH and I have exchanged comments like " if he came now he would be fiiiiine"....I genuinely hadn't realized the extent of the health problems that could occur if babies are born just 3 weeks before term. Naive of me, yes maybe, and as I said there is no way id encourage my baby to be born early, I guess I'm saying that it's easy to have preconcieved ideas or just a general lack of understanding of issues if you haven't experienced them yourself. Thankyou for opening my eyes and sharing experiences. I really think the OP had no idea of the implications her post would have and now she is better informed I'm sure she hopes her baby will stay cooking in there for as long as he needs to! X


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## bumpsmum

great response Lizzie my thoughts exactly if I could not put it into words :wacko: shocklee did not mean to upset or offend anyone its just a heated topic I was not personally offended just hoped to offer a realistic viewpoint x


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## Aidan's Mummy

Ok ladies I think the OP gets the poiny now and has had alot of inormation given to her. Maybe its time to ease off a bit
xx


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## sophieee18

I have resisted posting on this thread, but now I feel I have too.
Why are people bringing age into this matter?
She asked 'how to make a baby come early', and we have now established that she meant making a baby born at 34 weeks. All she was looking for was advice. 
I know we are all fed up and want our LO's now, but after explaining to her that this is not the right decision, im sure she will understand. 
Just because she asked a simple question does not inflict that she will be a bad mother.
I am 18 myself, and I know I have posted some stupid threads, but if someone was to reply to one of my post's saying that I will be a bad mother, I would be extremly upset.
I am disgraced at some of the comments!
This is meant to be a friendly forum, but recently, I have seen so many nasty posts.

Age does not affect a womens abilty to be a good mother!!!
Think of how many people who are reading this who are young. Pregnancy is a hormonal and emotional time, and comments like that are NOT needed!!!


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## Minstermind

Dead horse. Fists. Proceed beating. lol


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## Vickie

this thread seems to be going in circles :wacko:

closed pending review


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## Wobbles

Staying locked - I think its gone as far as it needs to go.

Thank you to everyone who advised this young lady of the dangers and gave good strong advice without getting loud. I hope she listens x


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