# 39, single and planning to go it alone.....anyone else???



## Jill72

I intorduced myself the other day :

"_"I am Jill - 39 (just - birthday on the 18th Jan). For so many reasons I find myself on my own and no baby due to career , crap husband ( got rid of)and insecure about re-committing to any one.

I have decided to go it alone and am going to use un-official sperm donation to make my dream come true. I am planning to start the process in a few months time - mainly because I need to save a bit more money. I came off the pill in September and am a bit worried as my cycles seem to be 22 / 23 days which according to what I have been reading could be a problem???? Just ordered the CBFM fro Amazon so I can start tracking everything. I did get pregnant when I was 30 but due to the abusive relationship I was in I had a termination (which I now deeply regret - I was in a bad place then) so I know I can get pregnant but now I am worried about the age thing......... ooo it feels good to get all this off my chest - being feeling very isolated recently."_

I have now reached crunch time - can't see myself finding a relationship in time to begin a family with someone so I am going it alone. I have joined a site called co-parenting where altruistic guys offer to help sad women like me out!!! I plan to find a donor and start trying in June - will be in school holidays (I am a teacher) and I need to make sure I have enough saved for maternity and Everything else!! I am currently getting fitter and eating more healthy in preparation. I am totally worried about problems such as Downs and not getting pregnant at all. I have got my CBFM in the post and going start monitoring fertility to help out. So I am looking for a bit of support to help me along the way


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## FutureMommie

I commend you for going it alone and not waiting on anyone to help you make your dream a reality. I'm not in the same situation but I am here rooting for you! There are lots of wonderful ladies here, check out the 35+ and ttc 1st, they are an awesome supportive group of ladies.


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## fsugirl

I think that is awesome and incredibly brave that you are planning on going it alone. You sound like a very strong women to get through some of the difficulties you have had in the past and so I believe you can definitely do it. Best wishes on your quest :)


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## blueberry9

That is fantastic that you are going for it. If I were you I would start trying asap, don't wait for savings or the summer holiday or anything first. Your body clock won't wait. I am 37 going to be 38 in a month and I have been ttc for 4/5 months. I thought it would be easy as in the past I got pregnant even though I took the morning after pill. Now it is not so easy. Don't wait. 

How much to does it cost to take to care of a baby -answer - as much as you have. 

I am ordering the CBFM today, fingers crossed


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## sounder

hello jill - welcome and good luck!


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## Jill72

AF was due to day and no sign - want to get started with my CBFM!!!!!! Feeling really tired but think that is more to with the fact that I took a trip of kids from school overnight to London on Monday Tuesday!! Thinking on it perhaps thats why no AF today - stressed and tired!! :sleep:


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## FutureMommie

Hope the witch stays away! Come on BFP!


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## Hopin&Prayin

Amazing... I wish you much luck, you have it all planned out wonderfully. 
I too have had my share of ups and downs with relationships and I'm going at it alone too. I'm dating someone but he's not interested in having more kids, he has a son, But takes no precautions to not have babies and I'm not on the pill or shot and I've told him that. I just want his swimmers and he can go jump off a bridge per say :lol: I'm 43 and this has been a dream of mine since I was a child. I want children and I know when your older your more prone for multiples, twins was predicted for me and him... I'm pretty sure when push comes to shove he will be fine with it all... 

Did'nt mean to hi jack your thread but I think its fabulous your doing this alone, there is alot of Women out there who put their life on hold for careers, family etc, I'm praying soon you get your :bfp: Wishing you the best hun. Please keep us posted..
Sending loads and loads of babydust your way .. :dust::dust: :dust:


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## jpmystic

Hi Jill.. I'm new to this forum (1st post actually). I'm in a similar situation in that I'm 38 (will be 39 in a few months) and I have finally decided the relationship I'm waiting for just isn't going to happen on a predefined timeline.. I never wanted to have a child on my own, but I'm at the point where I can't wait to find the perfect partner. I still have hopes that I will find that special someone, but now I'm heading down the baby path on my own. 

I got serious about the ideal of doing it alone a few years ago (after a failed relationship), but just couldn't get up the nerve.. tried dating again.. unfortunately no luck on finding the right person... Last year I finally found the perfect "donor" and bought/stored sperm (that was a huge step for me). 

Then.. after one of my best friends got pregnant in December (unfortunately a chemical preg) I decided no more waiting for the perfect person to come into my life.. so I tried my first IUI on January 11th, 2011! It wasn't meant to be that time, but I'm getting ready to hopefully try again early next week!

I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

Jewels


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## Jill72

jpmystic said:


> Hi Jill.. I'm new to this forum (1st post actually). I'm in a similar situation in that I'm 38 (will be 39 in a few months) and I have finally decided the relationship I'm waiting for just isn't going to happen on a predefined timeline.. I never wanted to have a child on my own, but I'm at the point where I can't wait to find the perfect partner. I still have hopes that I will find that special someone, but now I'm heading down the baby path on my own.
> 
> I got serious about the ideal of doing it alone a few years ago (after a failed relationship), but just couldn't get up the nerve.. tried dating again.. unfortunately no luck on finding the right person... Last year I finally found the perfect "donor" and bought/stored sperm (that was a huge step for me).
> 
> Then.. after one of my best friends got pregnant in December (unfortunately a chemical preg) I decided no more waiting for the perfect person to come into my life.. so I tried my first IUI on January 11th, 2011! It wasn't meant to be that time, but I'm getting ready to hopefully try again early next week!
> 
> I wish you the best of luck in your journey!
> 
> Jewels


Hi Jewels - are you doing this through a clinic? I am trying to find a donor via the www.co-parents.net site and hope to start trying in June - I moved jobs recently and need to have been in this one for more than a year to qualify for maternity. Are you using the CBFM? I have just got and am waiting for AF to start monitoring but I am two days late - strange.


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## Jill72

I have had another trawl through the co parenting website looking for any new potential donors and found a couple. It feels really artificial - like online dating and I HATED THAT! Anyway I have sent a couple of emails off to say hi to a couple of chaps and will see what comes of it. I had found one guy who sounded perfect but he had to decline to help as he is already helping a number of women - frustrating - like the sound of his pedigree!


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## zucchini

Hey Jill and Jewels good for you! I'm turning 39 on Wednesday and currently trying for baby no.2 (TTC about 2 years). I think there are lots of ladies on here around our age so welcome and good luck with your ttc journey!! :flower:


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## bobblebot

congrats hun,i'm a single mum, 40 in month, mum of 5 after a 15 year marriage and a failed 2nd marriage )I adored him but he was a constant cheat and ended up getting a one-night stand pregnant). I lost our 2nd child with him at 11 weeks (he said he didn't want it) i was devastated, i got caught on pill. Never recovered after miscarriage as found out he had a little girl with other woman who was pregnant same time as me. we have a son and i would have loved a girl. 

I'd given up after relationship ended on any more children but then considered a donor to try for one last child. Our son is 3 and other kids are all over 14 so he is like an only child which i hate as he seems quite lonely. check out free sperm donors worldwide google fsdw, it is a site costs £30 to join for year but has lots of donors worldwide on there you can check out. 

Anyway i never went down that route but ended up pregnant after a 'fluke' random night out. The night was very strange, lots of wierd things led me to do what i did and totally out of character. The guy was lovely we talked all night, found out he has a 9 month old baby with his ex, but hes from cameroon and plans to go back home. When i found out i was pregnant i thought of telling him but i know he didn't want another kid and he doesn't want to stay and after trouble with my ex i'd rather not go down that route again. I will tell my daughter about her father but explain he was a student and had to go back home. I believe all things happen for a reason and fate steps in, i believe now for definate in karma and destiny.

I am now 17 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. i woke up yesterday with a girls name in head i had never heard of, an unusual name, i had my 4d scan booked yesterday too and it was a girl. I know of no-one with the name in my head but then last night i decided to stay home instead of going to mates and watch a film. i watched going the distance on sky box office and guess what the daughter is called who is in the film? Maya...the name that was in my head all day....I am now convinced my baby girl has named herself......maya ayo (means joy in nigerian, my son is half nigerian and i wantmy daughter to share nigerian middle names with him). I'm still in contact with my ex's mother too so have nigerian ties and my daughter will at some point get to know her.

So what i'm saying very longwindedly is all things happen for a reason and i believe babies themselves choose their own parents, even parents like us that don't fit the traditional family settings. I now believe the baby i lost knew the father didn't want him/her and instead waited to come back at a different time. Truth is if i'd have had that baby we probably would have stuck it out and stayed together but we would all have been miserable.

Good luck hun,hope fate brings you a beautiful little bundle! x


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## jpmystic

Jill72 said:


> Hi Jewels - are you doing this through a clinic? I am trying to find a donor via the co-parents site and hope to start trying in June - I moved jobs recently and need to have been in this one for more than a year to qualify for maternity. Are you using the CBFM? I have just got and am waiting for AF to start monitoring but I am two days late - strange.

Yep, I'm going to a fertility clinic. I went a couple of years ago for bloodwork and got the go ahead. Right now, I'm IUI only, no fertility meds.

I haven't seen that site, I'll have to check it out. How's your search going? Several years ago I had a friend lined up to use, but in the last year I decided against it. I have another friend that wants to co-parent, but I'm thinking I'm going ahead alone (with lots of friends support, thank goodness) and will re-evaluate if I get pregnant. Finding a donor through a sperm bank was a long process for me. Since you can pick features and review medical, hobbies, and work, I started getting more than a little finicky. Luckily I found the one late last year and jumped on the opportunity to stop searching. :happydance:

I haven't used the CBFM. I'm BBT and OPK at this point. You'll have to let us know how the CBFM works for you.

And congrats on the new job opporunity. :thumbup: Starting to plot your cycles now is a great ideal!


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## Jill72

bobblebot said:


> congrats hun,i'm a single mum, 40 in month, mum of 5 after a 15 year marriage and a failed 2nd marriage )I adored him but he was a constant cheat and ended up getting a one-night stand pregnant). I lost our 2nd child with him at 11 weeks (he said he didn't want it) i was devastated, i got caught on pill. Never recovered after miscarriage as found out he had a little girl with other woman who was pregnant same time as me. we have a son and i would have loved a girl.
> 
> I'd given up after relationship ended on any more children but then considered a donor to try for one last child. Our son is 3 and other kids are all over 14 so he is like an only child which i hate as he seems quite lonely. check out free sperm donors worldwide google fsdw, it is a site costs £30 to join for year but has lots of donors worldwide on there you can check out.
> 
> Anyway i never went down that route but ended up pregnant after a 'fluke' random night out. The night was very strange, lots of wierd things led me to do what i did and totally out of character. The guy was lovely we talked all night, found out he has a 9 month old baby with his ex, but hes from cameroon and plans to go back home. When i found out i was pregnant i thought of telling him but i know he didn't want another kid and he doesn't want to stay and after trouble with my ex i'd rather not go down that route again. I will tell my daughter about her father but explain he was a student and had to go back home. I believe all things happen for a reason and fate steps in, i believe now for definate in karma and destiny.
> 
> I am now 17 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. i woke up yesterday with a girls name in head i had never heard of, an unusual name, i had my 4d scan booked yesterday too and it was a girl. I know of no-one with the name in my head but then last night i decided to stay home instead of going to mates and watch a film. i watched going the distance on sky box office and guess what the daughter is called who is in the film? Maya...the name that was in my head all day....I am now convinced my baby girl has named herself......maya ayo (means joy in nigerian, my son is half nigerian and i wantmy daughter to share nigerian middle names with him). I'm still in contact with my ex's mother too so have nigerian ties and my daughter will at some point get to know her.
> 
> So what i'm saying very longwindedly is all things happen for a reason and i believe babies themselves choose their own parents, even parents like us that don't fit the traditional family settings. I now believe the baby i lost knew the father didn't want him/her and instead waited to come back at a different time. Truth is if i'd have had that baby we probably would have stuck it out and stayed together but we would all have been miserable.
> 
> Good luck hun,hope fate brings you a beautiful little bundle! x

Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I do believe in fate to some degree - time does have a funny way of pulling things together I find! Congratulations on your little girl - I love the name Maya! It has a dignified quality to it. I have been so scared to actually go ahead and do this but since Christmas (and the dreaded 39th birthday) I find that I no longer care about other peoples opinions I am going to get on and do it! June is my starting point - roll on June!!:happydance:


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## Jill72

Jewels - thanks for replying - I cannot afford to pay for fertility treatment - I am trying to save up a deposit for a house and money to cover a maternity leave. I am going to try it this way first and see how I get on. I am more than half way with my deposit and once this is done I will start a new fertility fund in case I struggle to conceive. I had to sell my house and move up to Cumbria for my new job this time last year and have fortunately been able to move in with my dad,(he is on his own after we lost my mum in 97), although we get along well and things are great here I really will need my own space - dad is 72 and I don't think he will appreciate a screaming baby at his age!!! 

I have my fingers crossed that I do not encounter problems and things happen naturally !! I will have a look at the site you spoke about. I am waiting on some reply s back from some potential donors......


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## Omi

Thought you might be interested in this article in the Guardian today, good one by the way! 

https://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/feb/05/sperm-donation-denmark-artificial-insemination


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## rosie5637

hi jill:hi:

i'm single and currently trying for a baby with a sperm donor. it was a very nervy experience at first. i was terrified what my family would think and was more than a little concerned about the fact i'd have to do it without a clinic involved which is a bit more risky.

i did lots of research and came up with an action plan and a list of things to keep me as safe as possible and found a lovely donor. i found him on fsdw.it's a great site that is well moderated and is AI only. any donor offering anything else is kicked off!

i think you might be pleasantly suprised about how people react. my family have been brilliant and as part of my safety measures i've told a few friends too (they are always there when i meet my donor) and although they've been shocked they have been very supportive.

i'll be 29 this year but i'm at risk of premature menopause so it's now or never. there are a few threads in the assisted conception section about using donor sperm. you'll find lots of tips and a really friendly bunch of ladies who are happy to offer advice and answer any questions.

good luck on your journey and lots of :dust:


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## Jill72

Omi said:


> Thought you might be interested in this article in the Guardian today, good one by the way!
> 
> https://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/feb/05/sperm-donation-denmark-artificial-insemination

Omi - thank you for sending this link! It was very encouraging - I hope I can get the same result here but I will keep this in mind


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## jpmystic

Jill72 said:


> Jewels - thanks for replying - I cannot afford to pay for fertility treatment - I am trying to save up a deposit for a house and money to cover a maternity leave. I am going to try it this way first and see how I get on. I am more than half way with my deposit and once this is done I will start a new fertility fund in case I struggle to conceive. I had to sell my house and move up to Cumbria for my new job this time last year and have fortunately been able to move in with my dad,(he is on his own after we lost my mum in 97), although we get along well and things are great here I really will need my own space - dad is 72 and I don't think he will appreciate a screaming baby at his age!!!
> 
> I have my fingers crossed that I do not encounter problems and things happen naturally !! I will have a look at the site you spoke about. I am waiting on some reply s back from some potential donors......

I understand cost being a factor. I was able to save up the costs for up to four IUIs/donor fees last year.. I'm hopefully going to attempt the 2nd IUI this week. I'm also trying to put aside a little more over the next few months, just in case. Luckily, I was able to find a research clinic that will perform IUIs without all the other fees (some fertility clinics charge a set fee that includes everything, ultrasound, fertility meds, etc.. even if you don't want to use that part). I'm not saying it is cheap, but it is 1/2 to 1/3 of the costs of the other places. 

I think that is great that you have a plan in place. I'm sending out donor dust for you!


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## jpmystic

zucchini said:


> Hey Jill and Jewels good for you! I'm turning 39 on Wednesday and currently trying for baby no.2 (TTC about 2 years). I think there are lots of ladies on here around our age so welcome and good luck with your ttc journey!! :flower:

Hi! Maybe 39 will be the lucky year for all of us. =) Best of luck on your journey too!


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## Jill72

JPMystic - I am catching and bottling the donar dust!!!:thumbup:


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## jpmystic

Jill72 said:


> JPMystic - I am catching and bottling the donar dust!!!:thumbup:

Great idea! =)


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## Deethehippy

I find this a very interesting thread, i had no idea there were donar websites and i think they are a very positive thing plus you sound like a strong woman who would make a great mum :0) i wish you all the best Jill in finding a great donar and getting your BFP soon :0)


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## Jill72

Morning all! I am currently full of the lurgey and supping vast quantities of Covonagh Linctus for thickly coughs!! Supposed to be going to see my two best friends tonight (Al and Phil) for a singles Pyjama Valentine Evening!! 

Good news - I think I have found a donor and I have also started my CBFM a few days ago. The donor is anonymous to some extent and he has been donating to lots of women and he encourages you get in touch with them to check him out - so I think I will go ahead and do that. He gives a very comprehensive run down of all his and his family's medical history and encourages you to take this to your doctor to discuss. Anyways I have a good feeling about this one.


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## Jill72

on day 8 of cycle CBFM - 1 bar low fertility.. thought it would be two bars as my period tracker on my iphone says Iam only two days away from ovulation... it is the first month doing this so not sure what to expect ......any advice ladies???


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## Jill72

I noticed a helpline number on the CB leaflet and rang - spoke to a lovely lady who told me that it sounds like I flooded the stick and made the test void - oops! over excited I think!! lol! I feel low back ache that I would associate with ovulation and yet I have voided the test and it is saying low fertility. She advises peeing in a cup and controlling the test better that way so I think thats what I will do tomorrow. It's all a learning curve!!! At least I can stand down from RED ALERT mode having yet again convinced myself I am not fertile!!

I am still off work feeling dreadful - I spoke to my best friend over the weekend and showed her the information about my donor and she approved - the acid test!! lol! I have contacted him again and he is happy to go forward in June. Feels like a massive milestone achieved and that my plans are becoming real. Doing the CBFM is also a positive action. Feeling very determined but apprehensive - will I be lucky and have no fertility issues or is this going to be the beginning of months of heartache??? You may have seen my other thread about my secret baby box - it keeps me focused on my goal - if it turns out that I have no baby I will find someone who is struggling and give it away but I hope I will be filling those cute little baby grows this time next year!! Love to all :dust:


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## Jill72

So I did my CBFM test this morning and used a pot instead and dipped my stick being carefull not to flood it - a top result - 3 barrs and an egg - OVULATION!!! yes!!:thumbup:

Level one complete ...move to level 2..........


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## jpmystic

That's exciting you found your donor! Congrats. Lots of baby dust to you in the near future! :dust:


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## Jill72

:cold: I have viral bronchitics - great! Still off work... as I am temporarily staying with my dad while saving for deposit for a new house we have have been falling over each other last few days, he is retired. When I first told dad about my plans he was horrified and I didn't get the response I was hoping for:nope:

Anyway he has slowly come round to the idea and I have been VERY slowly dripping feeding him snipits of info but today I went for the jugular and told him all about my donor - much more positive response today so I am feeling a bit more encouraged that he is on board. 

I have emailed a lady that has used my donor and she has invited me to give her a ring - :blush::mail: bit nervous but excited to talk to her....


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## seoj

Just wanted to wish you all the best of luck hun!!!!! I think it's great what you are doing. You are being proactive and taking control ;) Only good can come of that! 

May your journey be short and well worth the wait! Baby dust!


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## spellfairy

wow i really hope you get your baby xox Ive been a single parent for 7 years after me and my cheating ex spilt up its hard but omg you feel so liberated and strong. I now have a lovely man i met from a dating site/singles night plenty of fish for past two years we lost a baba but are trying again:) good luck and i will be rooting for you!


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## jennybobenny

Jewel - all of your posts could have been written by me! :haha: And my initials are JP too! LOL

Thanks for starting this thread Jill - we're all in this together ladies! xo


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## beatrix

Just wanted to wish you luck and lots of baby dust! I'm also in the position of using a private donor due to hubby having a vasectomy before we met. Looks like i'll be Oving next week :happydance: so i'm busy trying to sort out dates etc with the donor ... this will be the first try and we're so nervous! 

It's reassuring to know that i'm not alone in going down the donor sperm route!


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## jennybobenny

So... I've got 2.5 months until my appointment (will probably be another couple of months after that when we finally get down to *it*). I started taking prenatals this month and that's pretty much become a habit now =D&gt; and starting March 1 I've decided I'm not going to buy a bus pass in order to "force myself" into walking to and from work - even though winter is not over yet in this prairie city! :cold: So in that respect, I am preparing for this journey and am proud of myself for it.

What I'm having the most trouble with is stopping the junk food. I KNOW I need to stop eating the junk food but being alone is bad for my psyche. Especially weekends - this winter all I did was watch movies and eat on the weekends! This is not behavior conducive to conceiving quickly and cheaply!

Speaking of $ - I also am having a hard time switching from "just me" to thinking about what I should and shouldn't splurge on. I KNOW I want a house and that conceiving this baby may take some major moolah but I still catch myself looking at WII's and new furniture that I don't really need. UGH!

Anyone else having trouble transitioning from 'single and free to do whatever I want' to 'gonna' be a mommy and it's not about me anymore'?


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## jennybobenny

So, I've come up with a new tactic to encourage myself to save money faster (or rather, to discourage myself from spending money randomly). I've decided that I will remind myself that with every unnecessary dollar I spend, I am giving up approximately 7000 sperm (based on the assumption of about 5million sperm per vial at about $700 per vial).

So, if I see a paperback I absolutely MUST have, I will ask myself "do you want the book or do you want 70,000 sperm swimming up to meet your egg?" :haha:

I just need a kick in the pants because frankly, this whole process doesn't quite seem real yet so I'm not feeling the real urgency to make the sacrifices. I don't want my May 9 appointment to come and go and THEN be freaking out about how real and soon this is all happening and not quite be ready for it! (fyi - I have $ saved, just not enough to cover if this takes a long time or if I have to switch to IVF).

I'll keep you posted on how much I don't spend this week! LOL


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## jpmystic

Jenny.. that's a cute stork picture by the way.

Sounds like you are getting everything worked out. I will say that as I've attempted to become pregnant things of course do start to seem quite a bit overwhelming at times. It's nice to have the good friend support system that reminds me on occasion that I will be ok alone. Yes, thinking about the fact that it will no longer just be you is very challenging! My mom once told me that she couldn't see me as a mom because I'm too selfish. Ouch, I don't think she meant it quite that way, but she was just trying to remind me that I won't be the 1st priority anymore.. not that I've ever felt like I was. Don't get me wrong, I know I will have to make quite a few changes, including the last minute go hangout with friends or buying whatever I want. I believe though that the rewards will completely outweigh the sacrifices (if you even want to call them that).

Lol on your spending plan.. but sometimes it works to remind ourselves of certain things until they become a habit. Not that I have to lose much, but my jeans were getting tighter and I want to save any weight gain for pregnancy! So.. I started writing down everything I eat this weekend. It sure did make me realize how often I want to eat junk food! 

I saved for this process too, but not enough to start covering things like IVF. Hopefully the Clomid I started this cycle will kick things in gear.


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## Jill72

Now I have decided a start date of June I am feeling like things are beginning to happen - but saving is HARD work!!


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## SHERRY

Hi Jill, I'm new to this as well. I think it's wonderful that you are doing this! I am not single, but just turned 39 on 2/1, and am TTC (TWW now). 
I also feel odd trying so late, too, but it's just the way things worked out for me. Would love to chat anytime!


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## Jahzmine

I'm also 39, single - have been pregnant in my early 20's but didn't have it because of maturity/horrible relationship. Almost 20 years later, I KNOW I'm ready. I've decided to do this on my own and have done so much research and I'm currently reading the book Choosing Single Motherhood which is really good. It's helping me feel reassured with my thinking/notions/fears. I'm concerned about my age and whether or not I'm still 'fertile' - guess we aren't as invincible as we once were, huh? I also had surgery last month to remove endo and I'm going back to my gyno to get the 6cm fibroid removed. After that, I'm hoping to move forward with my decision.

Like many of you, I'm prepping my body. Trying to shed some extra pounds, I've been walking 12km/week and avoiding alcohol, not that I'm a heavy drinker. I suppose it's like 'training' your body and getting it ready to be in 'optimal' shape.

Question though, do you find yourself seeing strollers/babies EVERYWHERE now that you've made the decision to be a choice mom? Are you more sensitive to your own mother's feelings and how you interact with her? (Mine doesn't know my decision, I'd rather wait and give her good news) Personally, I feel my sensitivity has heightened to levels that I'm not really used to. I'm the fiercely independent, never let them see you sweat type but lately my eyes well up when I see a teenager gush about how much they love their mom ... 

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself, especially since I see so many of you are in the same boat as me ... it's comforting to know you're there ... good luck to everyone out there who are in the process of TTC!!

Jahz.


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## Jahzmine

Jill72 said:


> Now I have decided a start date of June I am feeling like things are beginning to happen - but saving is HARD work!!

My neighbour gave me a detailed monthly budget which rolls up to an annual forecast as to what you should be spending, where you're over spending and what % of each category should be a part of your income. I ignored it for the past year but filled in everything a couple weeks ago to see where I can start saving. I've put myself on a super lean budget. I make my coffee/lunch everyday and I froze my credit card so I don't spend impulsively. When I say freeze, I mean literally, tupperware full of water and dunked the credit card in. I also have $50 coming out of my main bank account each week and transferred to another account (I named the account what I would name my baby if it was a girl) as emotional incentive to NOT TOUCH IT. It would make me feel like I'm stealing from my child. Any extra cash I have (which isn't much), I throw in there. 

Financial preparations for IUI/Donor stuffffs.

Just thought I'd share some additional creative saving techniques.

Jahz.


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## Jahzmine

SHERRY said:


> Hi Jill, I'm new to this as well. I think it's wonderful that you are doing this! I am not single, but just turned 39 on 2/1, and am TTC (TWW now).
> I also feel odd trying so late, too, but it's just the way things worked out for me. Would love to chat anytime!

I'm open to chatting as well ...


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## jennybobenny

Hi Jahz!

Welcome and it would be great to keep this thread going throughout our respective journeys. I am due to go to the RE May 9 for my first consult. I am 38 and like you, fiercely independent but always wanted to be a mom. I've had a handful of promising relationships that failed and last summer after a year of the dating scene going nowhere, I decided just to do this on my own. I'm thrilled with my decision as almost daily I'm reminded of the plus side of it all. No one to veto my name choices, no one to fight over money with me, no one to tell me I'm being too hard/easy on the child, no religion struggles, etc etc. I still hope to find Mr. Right after my child is born, but even if I do, it will still be my child so the big decisions will be made by me.

I love the cc in the freezer idea. I heard that before. Wouldn't work for me though as my impulse buying is usually online at Amazon and my cc is on file there. :haha: I started an investment account for my baby fund as well. It's tied into my house fund in a way because I'm hoping not to use all of it for donor sperm and IUI. My benefits through work allow 5k per lifetime for fertility treatments. I have no idea if my sperm is reimbursable though. They wouldn't give me answers when I asked. I'm going to assume no for now just to be prepared.

I'm also prepping my body. Have taken my vitamins now for a month without fail. I've lost 5 pounds and 4 inches (2 off waist, 2 off hips) in 2 weeks. I'm starting some weight training and changed my diet to 40% carbs, 30% protein and 30% fat. Also just bought some fiber supplement because I can't get enough fiber without eating half my calories in carbs! We'll see how it goes. 7 weeks before my appointment - I'd like to lose 10 more by then.

I had a dream about my baby last night. First one ever. It was a girl and she had lots of black hair (I'm blonde, but I was born with lots of black hair and it changed within weeks). The weird thing is as dreams are weird in general, that her hair was actually really long. I told someone that her name was Faren Rose and I chose Rose because her hair was so black and long it looked like it needed a rose pinned into it. :wacko: Weird. Anyway, I dreamed I was breastfeeding her and walking around with her, showing her off and everything. It was awesome.

Have a great day ladies!


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## fluffyblue

Hey girls fab thread and good luck to you all.

My friend has just done the same she was seeing a bloke for years and it wasnt going anywhere and he cheated on her with his ex wife. They wanted kids and she even paid for his vasectomy reversal and he cheated so she chucked him, she met a bloke got pregnant and has just had a little boy with no man and is soooooo happy


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## Jahzmine

Hey Jenny,

I can totally relate to the online shopping thing. My guilty pleasures are Chapters & Etsy. I love having this baby fund in the name of my future child. I'm throwing every saved penny into that account and it's unbelievable how it's grown. Focus, budgeting and determination really CAN play a part. If you want (or anyone else) wants that budget spreadsheet, please let me know, I'd be more than happy to share, just not sure how on this forum. Can we exchange emails via private messages if we add each other as friends? 

YES, let's totally stay connected and share stories. It's so great to be able to talk to someone who's slightly ahead of me in the process. May 9th - very close to Mother's Day!!! You'll have my healthy baby vibes coming your way and I can't wait to hear how things are developing.

Congratulations on the 5lb shed we must be living parallel lives, I lost 5lbs as well (yeah us!). That was a very vivid dream you had. I'm a very spiritual person and as much as society calls us Choice Moms (to be), I believe the spirits/souls of children choose their parent(s) for a reason. Ever wonder why adults say "I can learn from my child"? Just my notion which makes me believe that your child to be came to visit you. If I were you, i would invest in a dream book. Something tells me your dreams are going to be more intense as you undergo this very exciting journey. I'm going to grab my dream book tomorrow and see if I can decipher your dream (if you don't mind).

Have you noticed, as you were making your decision to be a choice mom, people were put in your path and/or you had conversations you never thought you would? I usually vacay solo and submerse myself in a book. Last month, I went on holidays with my family - huge fam/extended fam. In our group, I had the opportunity to spend time with an infant, twin toddlers, an 8 year old and a 16 year old. I enjoyed every minute with all of them and had the chance to introduce them all to something new. 

I've worried about being too old when (positive thinking) my future child turns 20. Tonight I had a convo with someone and she confided that she wished her mom was younger, her mom was 44 when she had her. Her only 'wish' was that her mom was younger so she could do more things with her now that she was at an age where she REALLY appreciated her. On the flip side, last night on American Idol, one of the contestants had older parents and he said he loves the fact that they were so much older because they imparted so much wisdom on him.

Just some food for thought. 

Pleasant dreams everyone!

Jahz.


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## SHERRY

Jahzmine said:


> Hey Jenny,
> 
> I can totally relate to the online shopping thing. My guilty pleasures are Chapters & Etsy. I love having this baby fund in the name of my future child. I'm throwing every saved penny into that account and it's unbelievable how it's grown. Focus, budgeting and determination really CAN play a part. If you want (or anyone else) wants that budget spreadsheet, please let me know, I'd be more than happy to share, just not sure how on this forum. Can we exchange emails via private messages if we add each other as friends?
> 
> YES, let's totally stay connected and share stories. It's so great to be able to talk to someone who's slightly ahead of me in the process. May 9th - very close to Mother's Day!!! You'll have my healthy baby vibes coming your way and I can't wait to hear how things are developing.
> 
> Congratulations on the 5lb shed we must be living parallel lives, I lost 5lbs as well (yeah us!). That was a very vivid dream you had. I'm a very spiritual person and as much as society calls us Choice Moms (to be), I believe the spirits/souls of children choose their parent(s) for a reason. Ever wonder why adults say "I can learn from my child"? Just my notion which makes me believe that your child to be came to visit you. If I were you, i would invest in a dream book. Something tells me your dreams are going to be more intense as you undergo this very exciting journey. I'm going to grab my dream book tomorrow and see if I can decipher your dream (if you don't mind).
> 
> Have you noticed, as you were making your decision to be a choice mom, people were put in your path and/or you had conversations you never thought you would? I usually vacay solo and submerse myself in a book. Last month, I went on holidays with my family - huge fam/extended fam. In our group, I had the opportunity to spend time with an infant, twin toddlers, an 8 year old and a 16 year old. I enjoyed every minute with all of them and had the chance to introduce them all to something new.
> 
> I've worried about being too old when (positive thinking) my future child turns 20. Tonight I had a convo with someone and she confided that she wished her mom was younger, her mom was 44 when she had her. Her only 'wish' was that her mom was younger so she could do more things with her now that she was at an age where she REALLY appreciated her. On the flip side, last night on American Idol, one of the contestants had older parents and he said he loves the fact that they were so much older because they imparted so much wisdom on him.
> 
> Just some food for thought.
> 
> Pleasant dreams everyone!
> 
> Jahz.

Hey Jahz, Just a note about being too old when your child turns 20. My mom had me when she was 39 (and I'm 39 and trying now). I absolutely love my mom and she's still such a cool presence in my life. I def. have no regrets that she's been "older" and really never put that much thought into it when I was 20. It has given me SO MUCH strength to know it hasn't made any difference in my life, and truthfully, I've found comfort in hearing her experiences, and wisdom. :winkwink:


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## jennybobenny

Hey everyone! I was housesitting for a while with no internet so I apologize for not replying earlier...

Jahz - thank you for a lovely post! I too am quite spiritual (without being part of a religion any longer) and believe the same as you in regards to souls choosing their parents (and their basic path in life) before they arrive. Seems like you and I are alike in some ways!

I would love to check out the budget spreadsheet! I'll pm you my email address.

How's your weight loss journey going? I joined a weight loss clinic 3 weeks ago that is lifestyle focused and teaches you to eat healthy balanced meals while providing you with good nutritional supplements and exercise plans... plus the person to person support and accountability which is what I need the most. To date, I am down 11 pounds, 13.5 inches and 5% body fat! :happydance:

I also fell into a bit of money recently (my own money really but I forgot I had it). My previous employer sent me a letter asking me how I'd like my pension paid out... transfer to my RRSP or take the cash. This year?..take the cash please! So basically I'm set to get pregnant this summer(God willing) and from now on all my savings is to go towards a down payment of a house. :thumbup:

Sherry, thanks for the insight on having an older mother. It's become another motivating factor to getting healthy and in top shape so that I can have the energy and stamina to really BE THERE with my child in whatever he/she wants to do. People are always shocked when I say I'm turning 39 this year - they say I look 10 yrs younger. I only hope that my insides are as youthful as my outsides and I get pregnant fast and that I can keep this youth throughout my child's life. My dad died from colon cancer 7 yrs ago when he was only 58. If Heaven forbid I went that early, my child would barely be an adult! This can't happen if I can do anything to help it. So... back to the healthy lifestyle topic... no more fast food, and much less couch time for me!

Today marks my countdown til my appt! I'm getting really excited and really nervous at the same time! Natural feelings though I am sure. My life will never be the same after May 9!

How's everyone else doing? I didn't mean to write a book about myself. Keep in touch! xo


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## jennybobenny

Hey! Where is everybody? Hope all is going well! I've seen my RE and been tested for everything under the sun (including an HSG test - my tubes are clear) :thumbup: So I'm good to go... but my #1 donor of choice is unavailable until September so I'm debating whether or not to wait. I think I might. He's worth it. 

How's everyone else?


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## jennybobenny

Hi everyone! Hope you are all well! Where are you in your respective journeys? Please post an update!!

AFM: I just ordered my sperm yesterday and am so excited about it! Now just waiting for cd1 (still a few weeks away) and my August cycle will be my first attempt (hopefully my only needed attempt!!)

Hope you're having a great summer so far! Please write!! xoxo


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## SHERRY

Hey Jennybobenny!!

Congrats on picking your sperm donor!! Very exciting :) !

Currently I am 39, never been pregnant, but not single. I am in my TWW, fingers crossed. I test on Sunday :) 

Keep us updated!


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## jennybobenny

Thanks Sherry! Good luck to you in the 2ww!! I hope you get your BFP! Keep me posted! xo


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## Codsy

Hey let's get in touch. I turned 39 on the 18th Jan too and have basically decided the same thing... There must be something in that do would be great to tell it over with you


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## drsquid

didnt read the thread... too long but.. im 39 (turning 40 in march) never married. used a sperm donor. im currently 33 weeks and 5 days with twins.


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## JennyEc

Drsquid, thats very encouraging to hear. I'm also doing this alone. I'm 42, so I do feel like this is my last chance, what's that expression - last chance saloon! I have a donor and I started the process this month. I don't think it worked this month, but I'm going to carry on trying. I'm in pretty good shape and healthy, I think with a fair wind and a bit of application I might pull it off. Congratulations to you. Would love to hear how the process went for you.


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## JennyEc

oh, hello Codsy as well, I just saw your post. How exciting to find other women in the same boat. I thought I was completely alone!!


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## drsquid

well... part of it was a bit of a cluster/ did 4 rounds of iui, first unmedicated, then 2 with femara, then 1 with shots, before the doc finally tested the sperm (he kept saying it is always good from sperm banks) turns out the sperm was garbage. was gonna do one more iui with a different donor but i had a cyst so i couldnt take meds, and was gonna try a natural cycle but wasnt for sure making a follicle and my doc was going away... so i said fuck it and went to ivf. had ridiculously good results (again implying it wasnt me, it was the sperm). succeeded first try with twins


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## emily405

Hello! Nice to see this thread! I am also in the going it alone boat. I'm 38 and using a known donor. I'm on cycle #2. Crossing my fingers that this is the one. He already has a child, so I know that his swimmers are good, or at least they were in the fairly recent past. I haven't seen a FS or anything as my temps show that I'm ovulating, so I'm just crossing my fingers that the DIY method works quickly. If not, I'll see what comes next. It's nice to hear that a few others are taking this leap alone.


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