# My 18 month old hates nursery, advice needed please



## mazy

Hi All

I've just started a new job and work 3 full days a week 8.30am to 4.30pm. My daughter spends 1 day with my mum and two days at nursery from 7.30am to 3.30pm then is picked up by OH. Problem is that she won't eat or drink there and just refuses everything they give her. 

The days she goes is a nightmare... she cries as soon as we turn up and I have to leave her crying, I ring to check at lunchtime and its always not eaten, playing a little bit but never truly happy. 

Will she ever settle as its been 3 weeks and i am so stressed over her not eating for the whole day twice a week. I'm starting to wonder if I went back to work too soon as shes not coping with me gone. Any advice would be great please... don't know what to do, do I continue to take her or give up work?

Thanks for reading


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## Scooby12345

its very early days yet. it may be take a while, especially as lo is only going 2 days per week. it took my lo about 5 weeks and she goes 4 days per week. she loves it now though! good luck.


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## isil

I'd give around 6 weeks. But if she doesn't settle in another month or so, don't be afraid to look at other options. If one nursery doesn't suit a child, it doesn't mean another won't.


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## lisa9999

God I can relate to this!
When I started back to wrk I tried Sophie in a nursery and she hated it- she refused to eat even a snack, and cried loads. Made me feel so shit. Like why should me going to work mean that she had to suffer? 
Cutting a long story short, I took her out and found a cm. Best thing I ever did by a mile. She ate, napped and played, literally from day 1. No-one was more suprised than me, trust me.

Now, I go to fetch her and she is running around in excitement. Its so lovely to see. Worth thinking about maybe?
xxx


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## mazy

Yeah I was thinking maybe a child minder if nothing improves in next couple of weeks. Thanks ladies for your replies. Feel a bit better knowing my LO not the only one to have been like this x


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## Lara+sam+bump

For children under 3 I think a CM is a much better option, the enviroment is less chotic, your LO will bond with the one person and the children that go there, where as a nursery usually has a constant stream of staff and children so its really hard for a LO to settle. Your LO's routine will be followed as closely as possible and a childminder has a smaller child to adult ratio, so better one on one interaction xx


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## hattiehippo

It is not true that all nurseries have high child and staff turnover and its a chaotic environment. Tom's has a pretty stable staff and he's been with the same children for a long time - the nursery has a long waiting list so people are not moving their kids out.

I would give your LO at least 6 weeks as she's only 2 days a week. But it could be that she'd prefer a childminder - she might not be ready for being with lots of other kids all day or might need to be only give 1 adult rather than a couple.


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## Kiddo

Harvey only goes to nursery twice a week and it took him a good couple of months to settle in. After that he'd get excited about going and sometimes he doesn't want to come home! Try talking about nursery on the days LO doesn't go so that it's still fresh in her mind and she doesn't forget about it before her next session. We found in the first few weeks that Harvey was more settled on his Wednesday session than the Monday one because not so much time had passed between them and he remembered what he was doing.


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## Sazzoire

Lara+sam+bump said:


> For children under 3 I think a CM is a much better option, the enviroment is less chotic, your LO will bond with the one person and the children that go there, where as a nursery usually has a constant stream of staff and children so its really hard for a LO to settle. Your LO's routine will be followed as closely as possible and a childminder has a smaller child to adult ratio, so better one on one interaction xx


Sorry hun but I couldn't disagree with this more... it did take Lucy about 6-7 weeks to get into nursery but it is the best thing we did.. she absolutely loves it now. She has 'come on' in her development enormously and is thriving. We haven't found that there is a high turnover of staff at all.


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## fringe88

Hey Mazy,

I've just put my 20 month son into nursery twice a week, 9-3. Today is his full session, we've had 4 settling in sessions and he won't eat lunch there and snacks are hit and miss so I know how you're feeling. He cries when I leave him but after a while he calms down but he just sticks to his key worker all day, he won't move from her lap or play with the other kids. I know its still early days but I have said to my OH that if he says like this after a month I'm going to pull him out and take him to a different nursery.

I'm also in Nottingham, which nursery do you take your LO to??

I'm going in at lunchtime to sit with him and see how they feed him during lunch and maybe do that a couple of times to see if he'll eat with me there and then leave him once he's gotten used to the food there. 

I was also thinking of telling them to give him milk if he won't eat lunch cos at least I know he'll have something in his stomach. Then when he comes back at 3 he can have a snack and then a big dinner at 5-6ish then bed.


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## jkbmah

I posted about this a couple of weeks back. My 1 year old has been at nursery for about 6 weeks now (we had a badly timed 1 week holiday a couple of weeks ago) and she is still not settling. Not crying all the time but moaning and wanting to be carried all the time, not interacting or playing. She is also constantly ill (and passing it on to me) meaning today for example she hasnt been able to go because she vomited yesterday!

I feel awful that she not her usual self and do hope that she settles eventually - everyone tells me that she will and its for the best etc but i still stress about it every week


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## Mum2b_Claire

Lara+sam+bump said:


> For children under 3 I think a CM is a much better option, the enviroment is less chotic, your LO will bond with the one person and the children that go there, where as a nursery usually has a constant stream of staff and children so its really hard for a LO to settle. Your LO's routine will be followed as closely as possible and a childminder has a smaller child to adult ratio, so better one on one interaction xx

I agree generally that a good CM is best for very young ones. We're currently settling Ruby into a nursery after some issues with our CM and I have to say I would not have placed her in a nursery at a much younger age than she is now (2 and a half.) It does seem pretty chaotic sometimes but where that would have been overwhelming for her a year ago it is fun and stimulating for her now. 

We chose Ruby's nursery as friends LOs go there and there is not a high turnover of staff - that really would concern me. 

I thought nurseries and childminders were allowed the same ratios of adult to child? I was always surprised at how many children Ruby's CM was allowed to have. 

So, OP I would look at other nurseries and CMs if the situation hasn't improved in a couple of weeks? Or, on the other hand, if your gut says this is just wrong for LO then act right away.


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