# Anyone's Husband "Is NOT ready to have a baby"



## BumbleBeeMom

Hi ladies,

I feel like i am the only one lately. I am 28 and my DH is 26 years old; married for 2.5 years and i would like... no, i would love to start a family; however my husband keeps pushing it off and says he is not ready. It has gotten quite frustrating that i have been depressed and lonely as he is not willing to compromise.. basically his way only! Everytime i want to talk to him about the situation, he pushes me away and it's quite frustrating because at least we could mutually set a date, but that hasn't happened... :cry:


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## wellsk

You are far from the only one, I know for a fact there is quite a few women on here who's partners don't feel ready for children. :hugs:
I'm sorry that it makes you feel so awful, but you really must get him to open up to be able to understand why he's refusing to have children yet. I would advise maybe either writing your feelings down in a letter, explaining that you are desperate for children and are willing to listen and compromise for his concerns. But he must voice them, otherwise you could possibly end up resenting him for dragging it out.

If that's not your thing, then maybe take him out for coffee or something, in public, so it keeps it calm. Explain how you feel, and the same above again. He needs to be willing to compromise or at least explain, maybe he's scared?
I really hope it gets sorted soon and you get a TTC date
:hugs:


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## Amygdala

I agree, especially with the last bit. Women are usually blessed with a vivid imagination which men often lack. My husband "wasn't ready for kids" until I asked him how he imagined it would affect our lives. Basically he'd been thinking that he would need to completely give up his me-time, no social life, no money spent on hobbies etc. ("because that would be unfair to the baby"). I'd had no idea he had such extreme ideas. I basically told him to chill and gave him my view of how it would affect us, which were a lot milder and more realistic in hindsight. At the end of that conversation he went "well, if that's the case, let's have a baby!" and we decided to try a few months later. Funny, because I'd had no clue what had been holding him back. 
So bottom line: Talk to him and try to find out his concerns and reasons.


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## lucy_smith

I'm right there with you ! And every time I try to talk about it he pushes off the subject in any way possible! I hope he starts to open up to you a little more, like the other girls said, speak to him... I know its easier said than done but maybe he might suprise you one day.


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## BumbleBeeMom

Thanks ladies,

Appreciate your advise.. and yes easier said than done. I have tried speaking to him various times :cry:. I have resented him in the past and now i'm at point where i really don't care about anything. 

My sister just had a baby and i no longer think of having a baby myself. I am really enjoying just spoiling and taking care of my nephew. I think i have brushed my dream aside just because my sisiter is a single mother and i watch and take care of my nephew when she needs me to. .... and as the saying goes " It's better not to dream, that way you're not disappointed". 

:nope:


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## longing_mum

I know where you're coming from. My FH doesn't feel ready for quite a while, due to medical conditions I have, we don't have any choice but to start soon. The idea scares him, but I know as soon as he finds out I'm carrying his child, excitement will take over. We've finally agreed on ttc in 2014, but its been an up hill struggle. I can only suggest that you keep chipping away at it. Make it clear that having a baby is everything to you.


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## oceania

My husband. I'm lucky to have a TTC date though, which is april 2014. I've known the date ever since we got engaged april 2011, and I agreed on the date. Fast forward to our wedding in august 2011 and having had a surprise BFP in june and a miscarriage, babyfever hit me really bad. Just the other day DH said "im so glad we dont have a kid now, we wouldnt have been able to concentrate on our relationship with all that stress"...I'm just trying to cope with it and be grateful that hey, actually almost half of my "jailtime" lol is gone and about 1,5 years left! :cloud9:


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## ashine

I'm in the same boat... together for 8yrs, married for 2.5 and craving babies for 3+yrs now. I think the hardest part is not having a date. Actually, I've had a date probably 20 times and everytime it gets close or half-way there, he comes up with another condition and postpones it further. So frustrating and hard to let go of the resentment that's now been built up for years.

I just keep waiting...


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## CMarie

I'm with you girls...nice to know I'm not alone! :flower: DH and I already have a 14 month old son, but I would love to start trying for our second...he said he doesn't want another one for 5 YEARS! :(


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## BumbleBeeMom

Thanks' for the words of encouragement. It has been tough and continues to be hard at times, but i will hold on to the hope that time will tell, i guess.:thumbup:


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## BumbleBeeMom

ashine said:


> I'm in the same boat... together for 8yrs, married for 2.5 and craving babies for 3+yrs now. I think the hardest part is not having a date. Actually, I've had a date probably 20 times and everytime it gets close or half-way there, he comes up with another condition and postpones it further. So frustrating and hard to let go of the resentment that's now been built up for years.
> 
> I just keep waiting...

 I am waiting as well... courage my dear :flower:


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## sunnylove

I am telling myself this while I say it, but honestly, what you really need to do is let the baby thing go for now and wait for him to approach the subject. The more you bring it up, the more he's going to _not_ want one (especially if you get emotional about it). He will bring it up sooner or later. Especially* if you _don't_ bring it up! This is one of those issues where _someone_ has to compromise, and because of the nature of the subject, the person that needs to compromise is the person who wants the child. (Because who wants to bring a child into the world when one of its parents didn't at least initially want it?)

He KNOWS how much you want one. Trust me, he does. The less you talk about it, the more he'll consider it because you're not annoying him about it.

And trust me, I am really talking to myself here...


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## miley 123

hi i know the feelin


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## green turtle

When my husband doesn't listen to me or doesn't want to talk about something I write him a note or send him an email that he can read by himself and process slowly and then I request that he respond in written form so that we don't argue and so that he has time to think about what he wants to say and read it over.

It really works for us. I hope that it can help some of you.


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## ImpatientMe

I can so relate to all of this right now... Had a pregnancy "scare" this month and got my period yesterday. I'm on birth control pills and really want a baby. Hubby isn't ready at all, and says he won't be ready "for two years" (how can you even know that?!) Anyway, I thought I was pregnant because I had a lot of weird symptoms going on that I had never experienced before. I was scared, because I knew how he felt about it... but he was so understanding and comforting, and I started to get my hopes up.

Now I'm just seeing babies everywhere and wanting to cry. :( I know, I need to be patient... So.HARD.


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## BumbleBeeMom

sunnylove said:


> I am telling myself this while I say it, but honestly, what you really need to do is let the baby thing go for now and wait for him to approach the subject. The more you bring it up, the more he's going to _not_ want one (especially if you get emotional about it). He will bring it up sooner or later. Especially* if you _don't_ bring it up! This is one of those issues where _someone_ has to compromise, and because of the nature of the subject, the person that needs to compromise is the person who wants the child. (Because who wants to bring a child into the world when one of its parents didn't at least initially want it?)
> 
> He KNOWS how much you want one. Trust me, he does. The less you talk about it, the more he'll consider it because you're not annoying him about it.
> 
> And trust me, I am really talking to myself here...

:flower: Agree that's just what i have done in the last couple of months. However that doesn't stop me from venting here..


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## mummyflanagan

we have 2 beautiful children one of each
after the birth of our daughter we miscarried 8 times to finally be blessed with our son. when he was 7 months we decided to try again and we lost another one. now my hubby wants to wait 5 years. our daughter is 4 and our son is just about to turn 1, i want to try again so badly he just doesnt see how i feel. he says he cant see me go through the heart ache again. 

i want one so bad so i know how you feel 

hope hubby opens up soon xxx


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