# my family is making me feel awful about baby's name



## kneeswrites

Hey there... I don't usually venture outside of my journal but I'm so heartbroken I need advice or something! 

On Wednesday we found out we're having a little girl, and we're naming her Caoimhe (pronounced Keeva). It's an Irish name and we're American so obviously we had to think long and hard about whether or not we were comfortable with the spelling (we pondered the name way before we found out the gender). My husband was set on the name but it took me many weeks to finally become absolutely 100% happy with the name, and now it's set in stone - this baby inside of me is Caoimhe, and that's that! We had many long talks about how the spelling might affect her life. I grew up with an unusual name that nobody could say and it was a positive experience that made me a more unique and creative person, I think. So we finally decided on the name. 

Well I decided to surprise my grandfather and family with the gender at my grandpa's surprise 80th birthday party tonight. I've spent every day since Wednesday absolutely bursting with excitement to finally tell them it's a girl, to call her by her name in front of them, etc. Somebody let it slip to my grandfather that I was pregnant before I could tell him myself, so I wanted to make him feel more involved by surprising him. 

We got a card, I made a copy of the ultrasound dvd and put special music to it (I spent hours picking out the perfect songs). We bought a picture frame and put Caoimhe's pic inside of it and wrapped it all up, and inside the card was the huge pic with her girly bits and "IT'S A GIRL!" written on it. 

I was so excited all day, and then when he finally opened it there were about ten seconds worth of "Yay it's a girl" before they asked her name and we told it. 

My mom already knew we'd considered the name for a girl, and the first thing she said was in a really disgusted tone, "You've got to be kidding me." 

My uncle made fun of the name and mocked us, treating us like children who had just gone and picked some random word as a name or something, as opposed to us putting time and effort into this name. 

My mom kept saying how our daughter will absolutely hate us when she's older if we name her that, and they all kept saying we need to "seriously reconsider" naming her Caoimhe. 

My grandfather seemed completely disinterested and just lectured us on how we need to rethink her name because we're in America and my uncle's partner said her life would be hell with that name. 

All in all it seemed like they didn't give a damn about our daughter and were concerned with how awful the name is. This was supposed to be a celebration of her existence and instead it turned into an attack on us and the name, and I ended up crying there and having to leave and crying until about two hours ago. 

To top it off, my mom came out before I left and was telling me that I'm too sensitive, that it was my perception that this was rude of them and that if I am going to name my daughter this I have to just take the criticism. I tried to point out that I'm fine with people's opinions, but the way they came across was incredibly hurtful and rude and it was just the wrong time for it! 

Our best friend and my sister were both confused by the spelling but were so excited about her coming into this world that they don't care one bit about her name and they love her anyway. My family is acting like nothing about her matters but her name and it hurts so much. I feel deflated and heartbroken as my family usually doesn't do stuff like this. 

I don't know what to do. We're not changing the name but I don't know how to approach this subject with them. I feel like I can't talk about her anymore or they'll lecture me again, or secretly think we're idiots for keeping the name. I also really want them to understand how much it hurts for them to act this way but I don't know how to go about it. 

:cry:


----------



## joo

It _ is_ rude and no you _ don't_ have to "just take the criticism" - people should be courteous enough to keep it to themselves. As you said, your parents gave you an unusual name & your life wasn't hell was it, you think of it as positive thing! I just don't get why people do this about names. Say there was a kid in the playground & you went up to his mum & asked what's his name? Even if it was a crazy name you wouldn't start giving the mum a piece of your mind about it would you, you'd just say "oh, that's interesting" & leave it at that! Or say you meet a 40 odd year old at work & they've got a name that sounds strange to you, you wouldn't just start having a go at them or making fun of them. So why do people (and family are the worst for it) think it's ok to do the same thing to a woman expecting a child, announcing their baby's name & identity?

Hun you have done NOTHING wrong & the most important thing you have already covered in your post? That * you* and * your OH* have thought & talked long & hard about this & come to a decision between you. Everyone else can get stuffed in my opinion lol

As for how to approach it... I wouldn't! Just carry on as normal but instead of referring to your bump as she, call her Caoihme. If people still dare to question you or scoff at her name, then wear your best "you do not want to cross with me" face & tell them it's decided so they can get used to it & join in now, or get used to it & join in when _Caoihme_ is born. You could also point out to them how she (or they for that matter) would feel if she ever found out that uncle or gramps or who ever made fun about her name before she was even born.

Anyway that's enough from me :haha: just makes me mad is all


----------



## sue_88

I, personally, am not a fan of the name. I do think if she were talking over the phone and someone was taking her name...if she said "Keeva", I wouldn't automatically think Caoimhe. She will have to spell her name out every time she says it for the rest of her life......however that being said, it is absolutely not anybodies business but your own, and some of us have spent our life having to spell our surnames, so what's the difference if it's a first name instead?

Your family have no right to treat you the way they did, truth be told they sound not very nice at all.

It's your baby girl, your baby Caoimhe and if that is what you & your hubby have decided on, then that's her name.

I would simply tell your family...like it, or lump it. I'd not even let them around the baby if they didn't change their horrible opinion by the time she's born.

She's your baby <3 nobody elses.


----------



## MrsSmartie

Poor you! That is a shame. I completely understand how hurtful that must have been. They will just have to get used to it! It's not like it isn't a real name! Maybe with your next LO don't tell the name until it's born, people tend not to say anything once the baby's here. That was very rude of them, I would have been very upset as well. I bet by the time she is here they will have all got used to it and it won't get mentioned any more! X


----------



## lunar

First off, I just want to say that it's pretty rude the way your family treated you. She is your baby, and your choice. Personally, her having to spell and explain her name is something that will just be a part of life. My name is "Carissa" and I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I have to tell people it's a C, not a K, that it's one R, not two, that it's two S's, not one.. Her having to spell out her name really isn't that big of a deal.

Secondly, I can sympathize. :( Although my LO isn't here yet, if he had been a girl, his name would've been "Alaska". Like you, it's a name I thought long and hard about, but got mocked endlessly by everyone for it. (My father is the worst, he still insists, months later, that he's going to get a Husky and name the dog Alaska!) But in the end, the name is your choice, and you have every right to name her something unique and different.


----------



## Lauren25

Ignore them, this is your baby and no one should put you off a name!
I'm so used to this, we are team yellow and have our boys and girls names picked, my FIL turned round and said let's hope the babies a girl because he hates the boys name!

But I've found whatever name you say someone wont like it, someone will find someone horrible with that name, someone will try and put you off!

Btw I am so in love with the name Caoimhe :)


----------



## Jarenk

My advice...who gives a rats ass what your family thinks about the name YOU and your OH want to call YOUR daughter. I know, we all want that validation from our family, we are raised to want acceptance, especially from our family, but there comes a time in our lives when we only need the validation of ourselves and no one else. You did what you thought you needed to do by announcing baby's name to your family, you got all excited that they would be excited for you and like the name you picked. Guess what? Didn't happen the way you wanted it to and your dream was crushed. Good thing she's the baby of you and your oh, not your family. Keep the name, embrace it. I have to spell my name out to everyone I talk to on the phone, I've had people "correct" my name by crossing out the "n" at the end and putting a "d" or crossing out the "J" at the beginning and putting a "K." When I was a child, I'd call girlfriends and ask their moms if they can come over, they'd say "No, she can't go over to a boys house!" I'd politely tell them I was a girl. They felt silly.

Who cares what anyone but you and OH think about the name.


----------



## Breadsticks

Wow, how rude! I think Caoimhe is a beautiful name but most importantly you and your husband love it!

If we have a girl, we have decided on Aisling Meara. We are also American (though I have Irish heritage) so I am a little nervous about how family will react.

I think your best bet is to just be honest with them. If my family reacts in any way similar to yours, I will be telling them that they will not change my mind and I will not discuss it with them further, period.

I hope they realize how rude they were and apologize to you :hugs:


----------



## AonTaistealai

While the spelling definitely isn't intuitive for anyone unfamiliar with Gaelic, it's a lovely name. Maybe your family will grow into it more after hearing it several more times and after she is born. It's a bummer they weren't more supportive of your choice, but don't let that persuade you to do something else. 

I didn't particularly care for my nephew's name, but it seems to fit him. (And I DID NOT tell my sister that I thought it was less than stellar; it's her kiddo, her choice.)


----------



## Piper84

Sorry to hear you had such a horrible time when it should have been a joyous occasion.

The most important thing here is that this is YOUR baby and you choose her name. No-one else's opinion matters. In fact, your family doesn't even sound deserving of the nice surprise you prepared for them.

I have an unusual name too and while my parents chose then English spelling, people still don't get it right first time. I didn't like it when I was a teenager but now I love it that it's unusual. My surname also has two spelling variants and I ALWAYS have to spell it out on the phone, even though it's quite a common surname; it's just the less common spelling.

For what it's worth, we didn't tell anyone our baby's name until he was born and aren't planning to do so with this one either. We saw how everyone had an opinion on my BIL kid's first name and just didn't want the tension, because I seriously couldn't give a toss what anyone else but me and my DH think :D


----------



## Liesje

It was the wrong time for them to criticize the name like that, but that's unfortunately the opinion of many people when you pick such a unique name. They'll give you their honest opinions while they think there is still time to change your mind, but once your baby is born they won't have the balls to criticize the baby's name. 
Right now it's just we weird word that they can't spell or pronounce but once your baby is here, it will be her name and it will have a different association.


----------



## andypandy2

Stick with the name you love hun and bugger anybody else xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## kneeswrites

Thank all of you so very very much. It means a lot. I think after last night that's just what I needed to hear, plain reassurance, haha. It had absolutely no effect on our name choice, she's Caoimhe to us and it's not gonna change unless the doctor tells us it's a boy 

I definitely understand that people are going to be opinionated about the name, it is unusual (especially here) and that's fine. I just wish they had picked a different time, and just celebrated the fact that we're having a little girl! 

I know they'll get over it once she's here, and I just have to make it clear that they won't be changing our minds. 

Thanks again ladies :hugs:


----------



## Jarenk

kneeswrites said:


> Thank all of you so very very much. It means a lot. I think after last night that's just what I needed to hear, plain reassurance, haha. It had absolutely no effect on our name choice, she's Caoimhe to us and it's not gonna change unless the doctor tells us it's a boy
> 
> I definitely understand that people are going to be opinionated about the name, it is unusual (especially here) and that's fine. I just wish they had picked a different time, and just celebrated the fact that we're having a little girl!
> 
> I know they'll get over it once she's here, and I just have to make it clear that they won't be changing our minds.
> 
> Thanks again ladies :hugs:

What a great attitude! It would have been nice if they celebrated the fact you were having a girl, hell, just having a baby.


----------



## amjon

I think they are just trying to protect the child. There is NO WAY I would get anything close to Keeva with that spelling. For the rest of her life people will think she is using a nickname and will be called nothing close to Keeva on the first day of school. Any time she gets calls for anything where they don't know here (job interview, etc.) they will not pronounce her name even close.


----------



## Jarenk

Much better than the name Abcde pronounced AB-si-de. I sure as heck would not like to put these letters on a job resume and I surely wouldn't expect to take someone serious with this name. At least Caoimhe is a real name.


----------



## vikster

First of all, if that is the name you have chosen then bugger what anyone else says or thinks, it is your baby and not theirs to name.

If it makes you feel better, I just showed my husband the last post you wrote with the spelling of her name and he guessed right! He guessed a pronunciation of keeveh not keeva but pretty much spot on. He correctly spotted the Irish origin and got the pronunciation because of the letters m and h together just like the name Niamh has which is pronounced neeve.

Stick to your guns, people can be so rude especially family who think they can say anything xx


----------



## Linzi

We had a similar reaction when we wanted to name our daughter Samia (sammy-ah), its an arabic name and we got an awful reaction because we are both british. We had some really really hurtful comments, which I was happy to brush off but my husband wasn't, we changed her name to Heidi, which again we got awful comments about then fell with Molly when we let our 3 year old son choose, thinking no one would dare say to him what they said to us and suprise suprise they didn't, and she is now Molly. I have to say, she is Molly now but im still not a massive fan of her name and really wish we had stuck to our guns over it. But when you are in the situation it is very hurtful and very hard to ignore. Whatever you decide to name her, thats who she will be and people will see that too. Personally I would say stick your fingers up to whoever and carry on with what you want. Your baby, your choice.

The spelling thing, my name is a pretty ordinary name but I have to spell it on a daily basis, as does my husband (he is matt but ends up being 'Mark' or 'mart' or something) and my son Seth has been called Zef, Jeff, Steph.... I don't think having to spell a name makes it a good reason for not choosing it really x x x


----------



## jensha

Caoimhe is pronounced Keeva??????
There is not a single person in this world who'll be able to pronounce her name properly. That's really sad for her. Of course, it's going to affect her life. Come on! :nope::nope::nope:


----------



## NaturalMomma

Next time just say "I'm sorry you feel that way, but we love the name". My ds2 has a Russian name that no one can pronounce or spell except for us and our family. It's only 4 letters too. But I really dont' care since the name is totally him and we "knew" he was that name when we were pregnant. DH is also Italian and so many can't spell any of their middle names, and probably won't be able to spell this baby's name either as he/she will have an Italian name. Oh well. I will say, even with easy sounding names, like my last name, people will still have a problem with. It's more them then it is the name sometimes.


----------



## Larkspur

I think it is a divine name and the spelling just makes it interesting.

Your family needs to realise that we live in a globalised world and little Caoimhe is probably going to be going to school alongside little Jiang and little Alwine and lots of other kids with names that are not pronounced according to the rules of US English. 

Not that I think it makes much difference if you were to choose a fairly standard name, as I have spent my whole life spelling out 'Melinda' for people, which - geez, really? "No, there's no 'y' in it." 

Stick to your guns, I bet Caoimhe will be the envy of her friends for having such a pretty name, and will love it.


----------



## kneeswrites

jensha said:


> Caoimhe is pronounced Keeva??????
> There is not a single person in this world who'll be able to pronounce her name properly. That's really sad for her. Of course, it's going to affect her life. Come on! :nope::nope::nope:


Haha. Throughout my life I can count on my hands the number of people who got my name right the first time around. Every single roll call in school, every single job interview, I've had to spell, re-spell, and pronounce my name multiple times. Not ONCE in my entire life has it been "sad." In fact, I am grateful to my parents because it makes me feel unique and special, and I know I will never meet another person with my name! Every time I meet a new person, the first thing they say is "Oh what a beautiful name you have!" That's a good feeling, not the other way around. Maybe a child raised in an environment where different is bad would have a life horribly affected by an unusual name, but that's not going to be my child.


----------



## frstndonly

kneeswrites

:hugs:. I think Caoimhe is a beautiful name. I'm glad you are sticking to your guns even though your family doesn't yet understand. . My name is Kandiece (pronounced kandeese, it is French) I have had to spell, and pronounce it for people my whole life I am not sad or upset about it at all. My parents thought long and hard about my name and I am proud of it, always have been and will be. 

PS jensha 

I didn't realize that EVERY PERSON in this world was from the US, speaks English only and is as ignorant about different pronunciations as you obviously are. Get with the times and look at your average school classroom now and the names of the children. They are almost certainly extremely varied with all of the different origins of peoples families. I find your attitude kind of sad and hope that you raise your child to be more tolerant than yourself.


----------



## korndogger123

jensha said:


> Caoimhe is pronounced Keeva??????
> There is not a single person in this world who'll be able to pronounce her name properly. That's really sad for her. Of course, it's going to affect her life. Come on! :nope::nope::nope:

I am from New Mexico, USA (I am african american, and an english speaker if any of that matters).. and know how to pronounce that name! I guess I don't belong on this planet.
Saoirse (sear-sha) is a name I absolutely love.
I also went to school with a Siobhan, and a Sinead... here in little ol' New Mexico. 

Caoimhe is a beautiful name!


----------



## Harley Quinn

Hey, kneeswrites. So sorry your family reacted that way. My son also has a unique name, and while my DH's family did give us some grief, my side of the family was pretty supportive. Or, they at least kept their negative opinions to themselves! So I don't really have first hand experience with how to deal with it, but I think if you do talk to them about it, this is what you should express to them: 


> All in all it seemed like they didn't give a damn about our daughter and were concerned with how awful the name is. This was supposed to be a celebration of her existence and instead it turned into an attack on us and the name

Especially the first part. I think it's wonderful that you have chosen a name for her already so that you and your family can have time to bond with her as Caoimhe (which is a lovely name, btw!). 

We did have some close friends who were adamant that we had to give our DS a "normal" middle name, so he ended up with Joseph (named after my grandpa). So if he really hates his first name and the nicknames associated with it, then he can always be Joseph or Joe! :) I think adding that second middle name helped people be able to accept his strange first name. Although, no one ever asks about why we chose it; they just ask where the heck we got Ozymandias and Lovecraft from! (You can click on his name in my signature for an explanation if you are really curious.)


----------



## Piper84

People in the English-speaking world have learned to deal with Siobhan, Sinead, Niamh and Saoirse, so I'm sure they'll be able to deal with your LO's name :flower:


----------



## sevenofnine

The name is lovely! With that being said, I would have never in my life guessed that it was spelled "Caoimhe". 

There's not even a V or an E in there! :haha:

I'm sorry that your family reacted so badly; I'm sure they will come around if you stick to your guns. We too are picking a name that some people are having trouble with: Annika, pronounced "AH-NIH-KA". 

It's a real name, just like yours, but people aren't familiar with it here as it isn't a common English name. (More common in Sweden.) 

:flower:

Just give them time to get used to it. Some family members also made fun of our choice; and we ignored them. They're over it now.


----------



## RKW

Have you considered just calling her keeva, and spelling it that way?


----------



## ispeakinsongs

dont listen to anyone, it really doesnt matter what your family thinks at the end of the day....you and your husband have to like it. I think it's a great, unique and sweet name.


----------



## RosieB1977

There will always be someone who disapproves of a name.. whether it's an odd spelling, odd pronuciation or "oh I knew someone with that name, and I hated them" type things.. 
All that matters is that you and your husband like it, and are comfortable with it. 
Let everyone else just get over it on their own. No sense is talking the crap out of it and trying to reason with them... they will see her and love her, no matter what you were naming her.


----------



## Fergie

jensha said:


> Caoimhe is pronounced Keeva??????
> There is not a single person in this world who'll be able to pronounce her name properly. That's really sad for her. Of course, it's going to affect her life. Come on! :nope::nope::nope:

Sorry but i can pronounce it.

I think it's a gorgeous name, stick with it :thumbup:.

Also to add, my name is Leigh. Very simple and straightforward you would think but apparently it's Leah, Leia, Leg !, Lig etc. And that was nothing to my married name. Thankfully i'm back to Ferguson now :D.


----------



## Liesje

kneeswrites said:


> jensha said:
> 
> 
> Caoimhe is pronounced Keeva??????
> There is not a single person in this world who'll be able to pronounce her name properly. That's really sad for her. Of course, it's going to affect her life. Come on! :nope::nope::nope:
> 
> 
> *Haha. Throughout my life I can count on my hands the number of people who got my name right the first time around. Every single roll call in school, every single job interview, I've had to spell, re-spell, and pronounce my name multiple times. Not ONCE in my entire life has it been "sad." In fact, I am grateful to my parents because it makes me feel unique and special, and I know I will never meet another person with my name!* Every time I meet a new person, the first thing they say is "Oh what a beautiful name you have!" That's a good feeling, not the other way around. Maybe a child raised in an environment where different is bad would have a life horribly affected by an unusual name, but that's not going to be my child.Click to expand...

I'm the opposite. I wish just once in my life someone could ask me my name, I give it and not have a conversation about it. I soooo wish my parents weren't feeling all unique and creative that day. I've never once liked my unique name, there were times as a kid I tried to accept it, embrace that it meant something beautiful in a culture I'm not a part of, but I've got nothin' :shrug:
I hope your daughter appreciates her name :flower:


----------



## Larkspur

I'm back... I just have to say that I've been thinking about the name Caoimhe non-stop since I read this thread yesterday and I'm now so obsessed with it that I've added it to my list of potential girls' names for when OH and I TTC again. So there you go. It's a short list, too.


----------



## weewdy

I think the names gorgeous. I would never have been able to pronounce it though. Go with your heart.


----------



## kneeswrites

Thanks you guys, it's really encouraging to see how many open minded people there are in the world. 

I sent a message to my mom and I think I made my point - today on facebook she was gushing about how in love she is with my daughter :thumbup:

And Liesje - I appreciate your input, from a different perspective. 

Oh and we absolutely AGONIZED over other ways to spell Caoimhe. Kiva, Keeva, Keva, Keevah, etc etc etc. We just didn't like any of them. They felt too fake, they look made-up and we both really dislike made-up names (not that there's a problem, it's just a personal thing). What really made up my mind about the spelling was when I remembered how I once met a Chivonne and I absolutely hated the name and I remember wishing her parents had just spelled it Siobhan.


----------



## Harley Quinn

You're welcome. I also meant to say I like your avatar. We're pretty big nerds/geeks at this house. :) And I read (watched?) your sexual abuse story; thanks for sharing and spreading awareness.


----------



## passion4shoes

Beautiful name. OH and I wanted to name our daughter Doris. But the reaction we got from EVERYONE (even seriously nice people!) has persuaded me not to do it. 

I would stick to it if it was a beautiful name, but it really isn't!! It is on an equal footing to Maud. But it is original and retro at the same time (although obviously not 'retro' enough to be cool!!)

So Lily-Mae/ Lola/ Matilda it is (if it is a girl!)


----------



## lilyanne

Just like everything else with pregnancy, people feel like they can give opinions, advice, and share judgements and information that would normally be socially unacceptable and just plain rude in any other circumstance (and still is but people seem unaware of it). 
Last time around we shared our name choice early on and it seemed like every person had an opinion and a suggestion for a "better" name. It was sooo annoying and drove me crazy. This time around we have decided to not share at all until the birth and it has been much much less stressful.


----------



## dizz

Funnily I was talking about anglicised spellings of Irish names with a couple of Irish friends of mine the other night (yes, possibly a bit of a sad conversation to get up to in the pub...)

One of them has a VERY traditional Irish name and has found it to cause problems (in her case it's the traditional "daughter of..." surname part causing the issue) - they were running late for their flight and the tannoy announcer didn't even ATTEMPT to pronounce her name calling them - but just called her travelling companion's name instead! But like I say - this is a very very very long convoluted surname that she has the issues with, and she uses a simplified version of it in her everyday life through her own choice.

As long as you're prepared to have to explain to schools and the like that the name is pronounced how it is - and NOT likely to get apocalyptic with anger when someone has to pronounce it "cold" and makes a mistake - so be it (I always think it's a bit unfair when someone does go utterly off it when it's something not at all phonetically workable and you get it wrong - yes I'm coming at that from the angle OF being a substitute teacher - as long as you're not going to go ballistic if I was taking the register and had to say "can you tell me how you pronounce your name?" ... just like I often have to do with things like Aaron and ask them "are you Ah-ron or Air-on?"), I'd rather go for the Irish spelling than try to make the name fit the English phonic structure (I love the name Niamh, hate it when people spell it Neve etc).


----------



## XJessicaX

First off, I think its a lovely name!! but the poor girl is going to have to repeatedly EVERY DAY of her life spell her name. No one will pronounce or spell her name correctly. I think that would drive me insane if I was the child. I think it would be different if you lived in Ireland and the name was known but living in America the name will not only be said wrong but said wrong in an American accent!


----------



## XJessicaX

passion4shoes said:


> Beautiful name. OH and I wanted to name our daughter Doris. But the reaction we got from EVERYONE (even seriously nice people!) has persuaded me not to do it.
> 
> I would stick to it if it was a beautiful name, but it really isn't!! It is on an equal footing to Maud. But it is original and retro at the same time (although obviously not 'retro' enough to be cool!!)
> 
> So Lily-Mae/ Lola/ Matilda it is (if it is a girl!)

hehehe, I LOVE Matilda! Doris is erm...umm....yeah, on the same par as Maud. Your beautiful daughter will need a pretty name!


----------



## passion4shoes

Doris is definitely off the cards - unless she comes out with a blue rinse!

I saw in a trashy mag the other day that an American Pie actress has called her daughter Keevah. 

My name is fairly standard and yet I always have to spell it out. But I have figured it out - the problem is with the hyphen and an e on the end, so that's all I say. (Julie-Ann btw)


----------



## XJessicaX

Keevah is pretty though!

I think people will have an opinion on a name whatever. When I announced my LO was to be called 'Tabitha' I had shocked looks and "ugh, thats a cats name" and "bit unusual nowadays to be called that isn't it?" but meh, they love it now!

My next is going to be 'Ottilie' which again is unusual, its actually VERY unusual (its an 1880's name!) but I guess it is pronounced as it reads. I did think about the impact the name would have on the child and whether or not they could say/spell their own name lol! Just didnt want a name where it would be abbreviated to something common.


----------



## mavsprtynpink

I am baffled by the spelling. BUT the name "Keeva" is beautiful. As long as you and your husband are commited, are 100% sure this is right for YOUR family then you have made the right choice. I am not judging you by any means, but please picture her first day of school each year from the time she is in kindergarden till each highschool class when the teacher calls out your name for the first time. She will have to correct, explain, and pray that the other children dont make fun of her. We live in a world of bullies. I was bullied for the name Carly growing up because I was the only girl in school with that name. That doesn't mean I dont like my name, or am mad at my mother for choosing it. Just be sure this is really what you and your husband want, and hopefully in the end your family will be supportive.


----------



## Liesje

You may also want to keep in mind that headhunters and employers (although they're not supposed to) tend to skip over names which aren't easy to pronounce. 
With all of the experience I have with employment/labor law and HR firms, I chose to name my kids completely average, ordinary names because I've seen how much of a disadvantage unique names create.


----------



## MumToEva

I'm Irish, so Caoimhe is just a normal name here. If I was you I would just refuse to discuss it any further and call her it when she is born. No one will argue when she is here and that's her name. And in future pregnancies can I suggest keeping the name to yourself until LO is born as people aren't mean the same when it's actually their name. :hugs:


----------



## kneeswrites

I completely understand where some of you are coming from in regards to her having trouble with her name especially when she's young. We have thought about that, and it was my biggest concern with the name - at first it was a dealbreaker for me, but I thought it over and I decided that the name just fits her so perfectly that I can't bear to name her anything else. Absolutely from the beginning (once she has to start going out in the world and telling people her name by herself) we will give her the option to go by an easier spelling such as Kiva or Keeva if she is just completely unhappy with having an "unusual" name. I will totally understand if she's one of those people who doesn't enjoy having to explain their name. I enjoyed it but everyone is different and going to have different experiences. I would just prefer to use Caoimhe and let her make the decision later! 

I agree, next time we might keep the name to ourselves - though our first boy is going to be Elliott and our second girl will be Violet, and our families are 100% in love with those names so it likely won't be an issue second time around. :dohh:

OH! And regarding the name Doris - I honestly think you could get away with it! I loved the names Dorothy and Dorothea but my husband hated them. I feel like by the time that child began school, what made a name "cool" would have progressed some more. Growing up, if I had met a Violet or an Alice or something, it would have been sooo weird and they would've seemed like such old lady names, but now it's totally the norm. I feel like Doris and Maud will make comebacks soon as well :thumbup:

And Ottilie is such a gorgeous name O___O I've never even heard of it until now!


----------



## Leliana

I love the name Caoimhe! Never had trouble with it, it's not uncommon in the UK and it was the name of my MA course leader (who was awesome with an awesome name!) :thumbup:

Speaking of older names, I totally agree that what was embarrassing to us growing up is now becoming quite cool. I teach a little girl called Edith. I associate that name with older people but it actually really suits her. Names seem to go through phases - older names are mega popular right now, Daisy, Rose, Ivy, Charles, Henry etc. It's the names of my parents generation which seem to be the most unfashionable: Barbara, Linda, Wendy etc. Those names will be popular again one day though! :)


----------



## staybeautiful

Caoimhe is a lovely name! Being from Scotland and knowing a lot of Irish people (and people of Irish heritage through Mass growing up/family) I don't see any issue with the pronunciation, but I totally understand how you feel right now. We've decided on Ruaridh for our LO, pronounced Rory. FIL keeps calling him Rudolph (as in, red nosed reindeer). My friends keep taking the mick out of how it's spelt saying that if I want it pronounced Rory, I should spell it Rory and if it's spelt Ruaridh then his name should be pronounced like ROO-ah-RY and it does my face in and the worst part is I'm not sure who's right! It's made me have doubts about how we're spelling it, even though we both fell in love with the Scottish spelling, pronouncing it Roo-ry in my accent (a mix of Scottish and English, so not a thick accent) sounds a bit weird in my head.


----------



## Liesje

staybeautiful said:


> Caoimhe is a lovely name! Being from Scotland and knowing a lot of Irish people (and people of Irish heritage through Mass growing up/family) I don't see any issue with the pronunciation, but I totally understand how you feel right now. We've decided on Ruaridh for our LO, pronounced Rory. FIL keeps calling him Rudolph (as in, red nosed reindeer). My friends keep taking the mick out of how it's spelt saying that if I want it pronounced Rory, I should spell it Rory and if it's spelt Ruaridh then his name should be pronounced like ROO-ah-RY and it does my face in and the worst part is I'm not sure who's right! It's made me have doubts about how we're spelling it, even though we both fell in love with the Scottish spelling, pronouncing it Roo-ry in my accent (a mix of Scottish and English, so not a thick accent) sounds a bit weird in my head.

These names are making me dyslexic (and I say this with love lol) ...I keep reading Caoimhe as Camomile or Quinoa and Ruaridh as Rudager or Rhubarb... Even though they're not even comprised of the same letters, my mind just keeps jumping to those words.
I don't know why but my feeble little brain can't comprehend the pronunciation, even though it's not hard :shrug:
Now I see why I had to tell everyone how to pronounce my name 700 times before it finally clicked lol


----------



## Fergie

staybeautiful said:


> Caoimhe is a lovely name! Being from Scotland and knowing a lot of Irish people (and people of Irish heritage through Mass growing up/family) I don't see any issue with the pronunciation, but I totally understand how you feel right now. We've decided on Ruaridh for our LO, pronounced Rory. FIL keeps calling him Rudolph (as in, red nosed reindeer). My friends keep taking the mick out of how it's spelt saying that if I want it pronounced Rory, I should spell it Rory and if it's spelt Ruaridh then his name should be pronounced like ROO-ah-RY and it does my face in and the worst part is I'm not sure who's right! It's made me have doubts about how we're spelling it, even though we both fell in love with the Scottish spelling, pronouncing it Roo-ry in my accent (a mix of Scottish and English, so not a thick accent) sounds a bit weird in my head.

I would pronounce it Rory, but my mum would say Ruaridh the gaelic way but then english is her 2nd language (gaelic being her 1st). I don't think it really matters as it's such a nice name :flower:.


----------



## Babushka

Great advice.


----------



## WholeHeart

I substitute teach, and sometimes I can't pronounce a full half (or even more) of the roster. It's not at all uncommon for kids nowadays to have non-intuitive spellings for their names....

Oh, and we're giving our little boy a relatively common (for hundreds of years) first name and two totally normal and easy-to-spell middle names, and some friends have given me a hard time because it'll make it hard to fit his name on paperwork and stuff. Sometimes you just can't win.


----------



## missmiylove

sighhhh.

i do think it was wrong for them to attack you infront of everyone.



BUT i also think parents need to think more about how the child may feel about their name since they are the ones that have to live with it! not "oh well WE really like this name even tho 9/10 ppl cant make it out" there is a huge difference between a unique name & a name that will probably give her hell.
are you irish or speak gaelic?

i mean she is going to get HELL.

example: my name is Shamiya pronounced SHA-MY-AH

simple right? nope bc ppl already cant spell so they miss pronounce my name constantly.

growing up with teachers saying your name wrong is EMBARRASSING!!! having to correct someone over and over again is ANNOYING AS HELL!

now she's gonna be more annoyed when they look at her weird & wonder how that says keeva . bc atleast my name looks like how its spelled..shes gonna have a double whammy.

why not just name her Keeva, Kyva?

then imagine her talking over the phone when someone asks her name & they automatically start typing it she'll have to spell it out SLOWLY each time for the REST of her life.

i dont mean to be rude- honest.. i know it's annoying when ppl dont like your names but in your case it's just the spelling.

mine as well name a girl ashley & spell it welaahum.. i mean it's night & day nd we live in america-- & i dnt remember u mentioning u spoke gaelic.


----------



## kneeswrites

missmiylove said:


> sighhhh.
> 
> i do think it was wrong for them to attack you infront of everyone.
> 
> 
> 
> BUT i also think parents need to think more about how the child may feel about their name since they are the ones that have to live with it! not "oh well WE really like this name even tho 9/10 ppl cant make it out" there is a huge difference between a unique name & a name that will probably give her hell.
> are you irish or speak gaelic?
> 
> i mean she is going to get HELL.
> 
> example: my name is Shamiya pronounced SHA-MY-AH
> 
> simple right? nope bc ppl already cant spell so they miss pronounce my name constantly.
> 
> growing up with teachers saying your name wrong is EMBARRASSING!!! having to correct someone over and over again is ANNOYING AS HELL!
> 
> now she's gonna be more annoyed when they look at her weird & wonder how that says keeva . bc atleast my name looks like how its spelled..shes gonna have a double whammy.
> 
> why not just name her Keeva, Kyva?
> 
> then imagine her talking over the phone when someone asks her name & they automatically start typing it she'll have to spell it out SLOWLY each time for the REST of her life.
> 
> i dont mean to be rude- honest.. i know it's annoying when ppl dont like your names but in your case it's just the spelling.
> 
> mine as well name a girl ashley & spell it welaahum.. i mean it's night & day nd we live in america-- & i dnt remember u mentioning u spoke gaelic.


I don't "speak gaelic" and I don't have to in order to appreciate a name. :)

Please don't lecture me on how awful it is to have a name nobody can say - as I said, I've dealt with it my ENTIRE life. I am a very awkward person, and I was a very shy child. I was also bullied throughout my childhood. However, my name was NEVER the reason and my name was NEVER a cause for shame or embarrassment. I can't remember the last time somebody said my name right when first meeting me. I had a gym teacher in elementary school who pronounced my name incorrectly for the three years I had her, no matter how many times I corrected her. 

My parents could have spelled my name Vayla or Vaila or Vayluh or some uglier spelling than Vaela, but instead they had faith in their decision and that they could raise me to believe that being different is good. And that is exactly what having a strange name taught me. I am so glad my parents gave me an unusual name that nobody gets right. It's an ice breaker for me in social situations, as they are very uncomfortable for me and having a weird name always gives me a way to break into conversation. 

I truly feel sorry for anyone who grew up with a "weird" name and considered their life hell. I don't know what was wrong with the people around you, but I live in the American south, a place where difference is frowned upon heavily, but my name was always complimented and built my confidence and individuality. 

I was "unlucky" enough to have a bizarre last name that is, like Caoimhe, not pronounced intuitively. So explaining my name throughout my life - should - have been a huge hassle... but I got over it. Instead of having a negative attitude about it, I grew accustomed to it and treated it as a part of life. The good thing? Nobody ever forgets my name. 

Maybe I'm lucky or maybe it's because I was raised to be an individual, I don't know. I'm not going to Americanize the spelling of a beautiful name and completely butcher it in the process because people might have trouble saying it. Correcting someone about your name is a 1 step process. In fact I had to deal with someone on the phone just yesterday. This is how the conversation went: 

"Hello, may I speak to ...um...Veelay?" 

"This is she, it's pronounced Vayluh." 

"Oh, I'm sorry! What a beautiful name!" 

And that was that.


ps: I am also sorry if I come off as rude. I just got a letter in the mail from my grandfather begging me to change the spelling, so I'm a bit touchy right now. I think your name is gorgeous btw.


----------



## nabo86

hi

I think the name Caoimhe is lovely and I'm glad you're sticking with it.

I am a teacher in England and i come across many unusual names -i ask the child and then its pretty simple just to remember how to pronounce it and its not an issue.

A lot of people have names from around the world, the only difference is they are more common so people accept them more - my name is greek, my brothers name is hebrew and my mothers is old english. The name I picked for my angel baby was german.

My cousin called his first daughter Meave which is also Irish (i know its easier to read) Some of my family found that strange at first because neither him or his wife had irish heritage but they grew to love it and its a much more common name in England these days.

I hope you continue to feel the support from your DH and i hope your family come round to the name soon 

xx


----------



## Liesje

I can picture her getting sent to the principal's office :haha:

T:What's your name?
C:"_Keeva_"
T:How is that spelled?
C:C-a-o-i-m-h-e
T:Yea, ok :coffee:

Although the name is kinda growing on me... Whenever people poke at my name and say "you must have had a hard time in school with a name like that" I always say "yea, there are only two outcomes, you grow up to be a serial killer or have a wicked sense of humor"... and then don't say anything after.


----------



## XJessicaX

I must be an idiot but I just cant stop reading the name like 'cay-o-mee' (Like Naomi with a C) 

I keep breaking the name down trying to force myself to see 'Keeva' but I cant! I guess I would have to hear it in an Irish accent and then I would probably go "ohhhh!"

Still love the spelling, but just cant see the actual name. Its almost as confusing as someone spelling their name 'Bogdoris' and it actually being pronounced Lilly. My brain struggles most of the time though.


----------



## LillyTame

Just another person putting my two cents in:

Name YOUR child what YOU want! I've had to spell my names and you wouldn't think they could get any more simple ERICA LONG...what is so hard about that?! But trust me...I DO have to spell it out for people, frequently, and I try to pronunciate as clearly as possible.

BUT me and BF even looked up the name you have chosen and listened to the audio and both being American, we can't phantom how you get Keeva out of that! Very interesting indeed. You really never know how a person will react to their own name...like you said...it made you a better person to have an unusual spelling name...but she may not like it...you could name her Amy or Karen and she may not like it. So I say go with what you like! After all we can't wait till she is 15 so she can decide lol.

Good luck hun!


----------



## Piper84

missmiylove said:


> we live in america-- & i dnt remember u mentioning u spoke gaelic.

I don't remember the OP asking for your analysis of her name choice. 

I know I've said it before in this thread, but I feel compelled to say it again in the face of these breathtakingly ignorant contributions.

You name your child what you want to name it. You said yourself you've been through the whole unusual name thing your whole life and are none the worse for it. If people have a problem with it when she's born then they've saved you the trouble of working out that they're not worth your time anyway:D


----------



## Liesje

LillyTame said:


> Just another person putting my two cents in:
> 
> Name YOUR child what YOU want! I've had to spell my names and you wouldn't think they could get any more simple ERICA LONG...what is so hard about that?! But trust me...I DO have to spell it out for people, frequently, and I try to pronunciate as clearly as possible.
> 
> *BUT me and BF even looked up the name you have chosen and listened to the audio and both being American, we can't phantom how you get Keeva out of that! * Very interesting indeed. You really never know how a person will react to their own name...like you said...it made you a better person to have an unusual spelling name...but she may not like it...you could name her Amy or Karen and she may not like it. So I say go with what you like! After all we can't wait till she is 15 so she can decide lol.
> Good luck hun!

I had to research this because I was fascinated.... From what I've read, it's not actually the same alphabet so it doesn't matter how our letters are pronounced, they're just borrowing the 'shapes' of the letters. I thought it was the combination of letters which would make up the sound but it's not, it's kind of like an emoticon, if you wanted to name your baby "Smiley" you'd spell it : ) (assuming smilies were an actual language lol)


----------



## lolita1990

Lovely name.... So what we have all just to name our children 'Emma' or 'Amy' or 'Kirtsen' and conform... No thanks!

I've also got an unusual name and despite having to correct/ spell it out for people (which is NOT a big deal) I'm so glad that my parents gave me a unique name! 

Love the spelling honey, glad your sticking with it. Irish Gaelic names are beautiful xx


----------



## Jilliank2005

Love it, I'm British, have lived in Scotland and worked with a lot of Irish people so am aware of basic principles of Gaelic pronunciation. Gaelic as a language is dying out so I think it is wonderful names are being kept alive. 

I second other people who said even with basic names you end up spelling them, seriously - my parents spelt Jillian with a J because they thought that was right, and I am constantly correcting people who spell it with a G, doesn't bother me at all. When I got married and changed my surname to an incredibly common one, I always have to spell it cos there is 2 versions, my stranger maiden name was so phonetic that I never had to bother! 

Go with your instinct! (and don't tell anyone the next time! We haven't, because as much as I love them, families and friends can be every judgmental!)


----------



## monkee12

I think its a beautiful name hun *hugs* ignore people who mock and tease the name, its your baby, your choice x


----------



## kirstabelle

I think its a lovely name, and I am biased because I love Irish names. My name is Kirsty which is very popular in Scotland (or was back in the eighties at least:haha:) where my parents are from and I was born but I grew up in Australia and now live in the US and in spite of my name being pretty damn phonetic people always spell it wrong and say it wrong, especially on the phone. You should see some of the starbucks cups I have come away with. I post them on FB and my friends all think it is hilarious. And do I have a meltdown every time someone says it or spells it wrong? No. Do I hate my name? No. When I was in school I hardly ever had to correct people because my friends and classmates would all roll their eyes and do it for me when teachers would get it wrong :haha:

And just one more thing, not so long ago Sean was a "weird" name and spelled oddly. Gaelic names are becoming more and more popular and the traditional spelling is way better than an english translation imo, plus there are loads of people giving their kids "ordinary" names with "weird" spellings, y's and k's all over the place. Especially in the US. 

Sorry for the rant, but you should definitely forget about the naysayers. And the people saying "omg you're not even irish" or whatever, my background is Scottish and Irish, hubby's is Irish and Swedish and the name at the top of our list is German!


----------



## LillyTame

Liesje said:


> LillyTame said:
> 
> 
> Just another person putting my two cents in:
> 
> 
> I had to research this because I was fascinated.... From what I've read, it's not actually the same alphabet so it doesn't matter how our letters are pronounced, they're just borrowing the 'shapes' of the letters. I thought it was the combination of letters which would make up the sound but it's not, it's kind of like an emoticon, if you wanted to name your baby "Smiley" you'd spell it : ) (assuming smilies were an actual language lol)
> 
> 
> Thanks for the info Liesje, that makes a lot of sense when you put it that way! :thumbup:Click to expand...


----------



## kneeswrites

LillyTame said:


> Liesje said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> LillyTame said:
> 
> 
> Just another person putting my two cents in:
> 
> 
> I had to research this because I was fascinated.... From what I've read, it's not actually the same alphabet so it doesn't matter how our letters are pronounced, they're just borrowing the 'shapes' of the letters. I thought it was the combination of letters which would make up the sound but it's not, it's kind of like an emoticon, if you wanted to name your baby "Smiley" you'd spell it : ) (assuming smilies were an actual language lol)
> 
> 
> Thanks for the info Liesje, that makes a lot of sense when you put it that way! :thumbup:Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Yes, thank you very much - I didn't even know that! So interesting!Click to expand...


----------



## Sinead82

jensha said:


> Caoimhe is pronounced Keeva??????
> There is not a single person in this world who'll be able to pronounce her name properly. That's really sad for her. Of course, it's going to affect her life. Come on! :nope::nope::nope:

There are at least 5 million people in Ireland and many more across the world with Irish connections who could pronounce this name no problem! I find your post very offensive and intolerant, the world does not consist of the US alone!


----------



## Sinead82

Hi OP,

As you can see I have an Irish name as well as a sister named Caoimhe, your post made me smile as I was wondering what name your family could be so upset about and it turned out to be one I have known all my life and is not an all unusual here! My name is a much more common Irish one, and so people oftentimes do know how to pronounce it, even people I have met abroad etc. although I do have to spell it at times, and have seen it written as shinaid on more than one occasion, this does not bother me as I love my name.

The spelling of course does seem very odd to anyone not familiar with the Irish language, but that is the world we live in today, in Ireland now we have a lot of immigrants from Eastern Europe and I struggle to pronounce their names, as I'm sure they would struggle to pronounce mine too. It the world we live in and I don't see that as a bad thing. 

For the record I have always loved the name Caoimhe and think your wee baby girl will be lucky to have such a beautiful name! I also think your family were well out of order in their response, which is a shame for you. However this does happen and I plan to keep m baby's name secret until he / she is here as I don't want anyone to put me off. Though I will also be team yellow so it wil be much easier! 

Sorry for the essay, as an Irish girl your post struck a chord with me! Wishing you the best of luck xx


----------



## kneeswrites

Sinead82 said:


> Hi OP,
> 
> As you can see I have an Irish name as well as a sister named Caoimhe, your post made me smile as I was wondering what name your family could be so upset about and it turned out to be one I have known all my life and is not an all unusual here! My name is a much more common Irish one, and so people oftentimes do know how to pronounce it, even people I have met abroad etc. although I do have to spell it at times, and have seen it written as shinaid on more than one occasion, this does not bother me as I love my name.
> 
> The spelling of course does seem very odd to anyone not familiar with the Irish language, but that is the world we live in today, in Ireland now we have a lot of immigrants from Eastern Europe and I struggle to pronounce their names, as I'm sure they would struggle to pronounce mine too. It the world we live in and I don't see that as a bad thing.
> 
> For the record I have always loved the name Caoimhe and think your wee baby girl will be lucky to have such a beautiful name! I also think your family were well out of order in their response, which is a shame for you. However this does happen and I plan to keep m baby's name secret until he / she is here as I don't want anyone to put me off. Though I will also be team yellow so it wil be much easier!
> 
> Sorry for the essay, as an Irish girl your post struck a chord with me! Wishing you the best of luck xx

Thank you!!! I do find it funny how weird everyone here thinks the name is - me being a long-time internet addict, seeing international names is totally normal and to me, Caoimhe isn't even that weird. I know it's actually rather popular in other countries. I've seen many women on BnB considering it! So I think that's why it was such a shock how my family and friends have reacted - I wasn't expecting it! Haha! 

I can't tell you all how much your support and input has meant and helped me!


----------



## Stressbucket

I think it's a lovely name--old-fashioned, but with a very modern feel. I love Irish names. I went to school with kids named Tadgh and Niamh, and yes, they had to spell them for people, since they're not common in the U.S., but that was fine.

Your relatives will get over it.


----------



## Stressbucket

Oh, and for the reader who was wondering how you get "Keeva" out of Caoimhe, in Irish, the aoi combination is used to represent an 'ee' sound, the 'mh' is a 'v'--yes, odd, but how do you get a 'f' out of 'gh' in 'rough' or 'enough'? And the final e is a sort of schwa noise.

So if you know the rules of Irish spelling, it's phonetic. Both English and Irish are stuck using the Latin alphabet, which was really not designed for the languages at all, so we sort of improvised along the way...


----------



## Hispirits

i have this same problem with my family, so i sympathise.they have been very opinionated and i regret telling them the name i have chose
i love the name you've picked.i like things a bit different. why would you want to name your child knowing too well when hey start school theres going to be 2-3 other kids in their class with the same name?
My family don't like the name i've picked if i have a boy, i was gutted they all mocked me, but i'm sticking with my guns, babies grow to become their names.
my cousin named her daughter, Bonita Blossom Louise.:dohh:
At the time I thought it was awful, I'm still not keen, but little Bon Bon has become her name, and it really suits her and she's beautiful and unique, and the name adds to her quirkiness.


----------



## special_kala

Ignore them!

The amount of stupid comments and funny looks we got when we told peopl Rivers name was ridiculous but you know what not one single person has said anything about it since she was born!


----------



## warlikepeace

kneeswrites said:


> Hey there... I don't usually venture outside of my journal but I'm so heartbroken I need advice or something!
> 
> On Wednesday we found out we're having a little girl, and we're naming her Caoimhe (pronounced Keeva). It's an Irish name and we're American so obviously we had to think long and hard about whether or not we were comfortable with the spelling (we pondered the name way before we found out the gender). My husband was set on the name but it took me many weeks to finally become absolutely 100% happy with the name, and now it's set in stone - this baby inside of me is Caoimhe, and that's that! We had many long talks about how the spelling might affect her life. I grew up with an unusual name that nobody could say and it was a positive experience that made me a more unique and creative person, I think. So we finally decided on the name.
> 
> Well I decided to surprise my grandfather and family with the gender at my grandpa's surprise 80th birthday party tonight. I've spent every day since Wednesday absolutely bursting with excitement to finally tell them it's a girl, to call her by her name in front of them, etc. Somebody let it slip to my grandfather that I was pregnant before I could tell him myself, so I wanted to make him feel more involved by surprising him.
> 
> We got a card, I made a copy of the ultrasound dvd and put special music to it (I spent hours picking out the perfect songs). We bought a picture frame and put Caoimhe's pic inside of it and wrapped it all up, and inside the card was the huge pic with her girly bits and "IT'S A GIRL!" written on it.
> 
> I was so excited all day, and then when he finally opened it there were about ten seconds worth of "Yay it's a girl" before they asked her name and we told it.
> 
> My mom already knew we'd considered the name for a girl, and the first thing she said was in a really disgusted tone, "You've got to be kidding me."
> 
> My uncle made fun of the name and mocked us, treating us like children who had just gone and picked some random word as a name or something, as opposed to us putting time and effort into this name.
> 
> My mom kept saying how our daughter will absolutely hate us when she's older if we name her that, and they all kept saying we need to "seriously reconsider" naming her Caoimhe.
> 
> My grandfather seemed completely disinterested and just lectured us on how we need to rethink her name because we're in America and my uncle's partner said her life would be hell with that name.
> 
> All in all it seemed like they didn't give a damn about our daughter and were concerned with how awful the name is. This was supposed to be a celebration of her existence and instead it turned into an attack on us and the name, and I ended up crying there and having to leave and crying until about two hours ago.
> 
> To top it off, my mom came out before I left and was telling me that I'm too sensitive, that it was my perception that this was rude of them and that if I am going to name my daughter this I have to just take the criticism. I tried to point out that I'm fine with people's opinions, but the way they came across was incredibly hurtful and rude and it was just the wrong time for it!
> 
> Our best friend and my sister were both confused by the spelling but were so excited about her coming into this world that they don't care one bit about her name and they love her anyway. My family is acting like nothing about her matters but her name and it hurts so much. I feel deflated and heartbroken as my family usually doesn't do stuff like this.
> 
> I don't know what to do. We're not changing the name but I don't know how to approach this subject with them. I feel like I can't talk about her anymore or they'll lecture me again, or secretly think we're idiots for keeping the name. I also really want them to understand how much it hurts for them to act this way but I don't know how to go about it.
> 
> :cry:

I didn't read through all of the posts, but I totally get what you're dealing with. Our first son has an irish name (Sionn, pronounced sh-OOn), and my parents gave us a hard time about his name. It didn't help that he also has 3 middle names, too... they harked on that a lot also. It sucks when they would constantly make remarks about it, but in the end they will get over it. Heck, they gave him a nickname to make it easier (Pete), which I didn't mind. Our LO that is due in February is going to be named Connor. Although its easier to pronounce, they still have a nickname for him (Mack - can you tell my father is a truck driver? LOL)

The best thing is to just make them understand that its YOUR choice, and the name really means a lot to you. The way I did it with my parents lacked tack, but I basically told them to get over it, and to be grateful for a grandchild: harking over names is immature, and hurts. Being blunt and putting my foot down make them understand how much it bothered me. 

Good luck with dealing with them. Trust me, once you talk to them about it it will be easier to deal with. UNLESS they are terrible people, then you can say that you tried.

ETA: we are still not totally set on the name Connor, either. I will be 27 weeks tomorrow, and we are still contemplating the name Faolan. :)


----------



## mudgekin1989

kneeswrites said:


> Hey there... I don't usually venture outside of my journal but I'm so heartbroken I need advice or something!
> 
> On Wednesday we found out we're having a little girl, and we're naming her Caoimhe (pronounced Keeva). It's an Irish name and we're American so obviously we had to think long and hard about whether or not we were comfortable with the spelling (we pondered the name way before we found out the gender). My husband was set on the name but it took me many weeks to finally become absolutely 100% happy with the name, and now it's set in stone - this baby inside of me is Caoimhe, and that's that! We had many long talks about how the spelling might affect her life. I grew up with an unusual name that nobody could say and it was a positive experience that made me a more unique and creative person, I think. So we finally decided on the name.
> 
> Well I decided to surprise my grandfather and family with the gender at my grandpa's surprise 80th birthday party tonight. I've spent every day since Wednesday absolutely bursting with excitement to finally tell them it's a girl, to call her by her name in front of them, etc. Somebody let it slip to my grandfather that I was pregnant before I could tell him myself, so I wanted to make him feel more involved by surprising him.
> 
> We got a card, I made a copy of the ultrasound dvd and put special music to it (I spent hours picking out the perfect songs). We bought a picture frame and put Caoimhe's pic inside of it and wrapped it all up, and inside the card was the huge pic with her girly bits and "IT'S A GIRL!" written on it.
> 
> I was so excited all day, and then when he finally opened it there were about ten seconds worth of "Yay it's a girl" before they asked her name and we told it.
> 
> My mom already knew we'd considered the name for a girl, and the first thing she said was in a really disgusted tone, "You've got to be kidding me."
> 
> My uncle made fun of the name and mocked us, treating us like children who had just gone and picked some random word as a name or something, as opposed to us putting time and effort into this name.
> 
> My mom kept saying how our daughter will absolutely hate us when she's older if we name her that, and they all kept saying we need to "seriously reconsider" naming her Caoimhe.
> 
> My grandfather seemed completely disinterested and just lectured us on how we need to rethink her name because we're in America and my uncle's partner said her life would be hell with that name.
> 
> All in all it seemed like they didn't give a damn about our daughter and were concerned with how awful the name is. This was supposed to be a celebration of her existence and instead it turned into an attack on us and the name, and I ended up crying there and having to leave and crying until about two hours ago.
> 
> To top it off, my mom came out before I left and was telling me that I'm too sensitive, that it was my perception that this was rude of them and that if I am going to name my daughter this I have to just take the criticism. I tried to point out that I'm fine with people's opinions, but the way they came across was incredibly hurtful and rude and it was just the wrong time for it!
> 
> Our best friend and my sister were both confused by the spelling but were so excited about her coming into this world that they don't care one bit about her name and they love her anyway. My family is acting like nothing about her matters but her name and it hurts so much. I feel deflated and heartbroken as my family usually doesn't do stuff like this.
> 
> I don't know what to do. We're not changing the name but I don't know how to approach this subject with them. I feel like I can't talk about her anymore or they'll lecture me again, or secretly think we're idiots for keeping the name. I also really want them to understand how much it hurts for them to act this way but I don't know how to go about it.
> 
> :cry:

Have they not seen the stupid names celebrities give their children???

Kal-El. 
Pilot Inspektor. 
Apple. 
Coco. 
Kyd. 
Sage Moonblood. 
Ocean. 
Prince Michael the 2nd. 
Blanket. 
Rocket Rodriguez. 
Blue Angel. 
Audio Science.
Moon Unit.
Diva Thin Muffin.
Moxie Crimefighter.
Tu Morrow.
Harper Seven.

Caoimhe is a very pretty name... Tell them to get over it. x :hugs:


----------



## Irish Eyes

I'm Irish & currently living in england. No-one here has ever heard of my name, I do have to spell it out and often people point out that it's unusual. However they always say that they think it's lovely and it's a great start for a conversation! 

I think the name you've chosen is lovely but someone will always have an opinion on it. If you'd chosen a popular name then you'd get "everyone calls their kid that, have some imagination!" I've found that everyone likes to comment until the baby actually gets here.


----------



## zilla

I love the name! it's beautiful. 
I had the same reaction from my family when we suggested a few names at dinner once. 
I haven't told ANYONE our LO's name - it'll get announced when he's born and then they can like it, or lump it!


----------



## Ellberry

Its a beautiful name!!! I met a Caoimhe once, and yes I got it wrong the first time but she didnt mind and I didnt blame the name!!
You call your girl what you want to call her :)

To be honest I'm shocked by how rude some people have been on this thread!! Do they not realise that it is a real name in a real language?? Have they not guessed that from everyone elses posts??

Also do people not realise that bullies will find anything to bully someone about, but I have never heard of anyone being bullied for their name-and we had a lot of bullies in our school!!!
My name is a simple common Lauren, people frequently get it wrong and I am called Laura more than I am lauren and always having to spell it but heyho, doesnt bother me!!

Call her Caoimhe and stuff your family....when my nephew was born and my sister announced he was called Sage, we all had our feelings about it, but its his name, it suits him and we're all glad she picked that name :) 

It's a gorgeous name, stick to your guns :) :)


----------



## MrsHopeful

I think it's a beautiful name (I am biased as have several Gaelic names on our short list). I really feel for you-how rude your family were to you. We shared our favorite name and my family made fun of it so much so that I have decided not to use it.....(we are team yellow and were not set on the name) ....I am now not discussing names with anyone but OH-people keep asking then tell me they not like this name and that and it's really annoying me.
In e past I have disliked some people's name choices but I would never be so rude as to say that to them.
Anyway-I think your choice is beautiful with the traditional spelling.
Hehehe I have never heard a lot of those celeb baby names......wow there's some unusual names in that list!!


----------



## Whimsy82

Wow. Okay.

First of all, your friend and sister responded appropriately, I think.

Second of all...on top of pregnancy horomones, to call you too sensitive was INSENSITIVE.

And third, your parents and grandparents and uncles were from a generation full of Johns, Mary's, Roberts and May's. So they're not going to understand a name so different. But that's not the generation we're in anymore. More and more unusual (though, beautiful for the most part) are becoming the norm.

I imagine if you keep the name you want (which you should, totally) you're going to be dealing with people who disapprove trying to call your daughter something else anyway. :(

You have a lot of standing your ground to do but I think it's something you SHOULD do.

Make a point to say your babies name in their company over and over again. Let them know you're firm and you don't care what they say. Let them know you won't budge.

I too have an unusal name but growing up I heard more "wow, that's pretty" than I did "what were your parents thinking?"


----------



## Whimsy82

Jarenk said:


> Much better than the name Abcde pronounced AB-si-de. I sure as heck would not like to put these letters on a job resume and I surely wouldn't expect to take someone serious with this name. At least Caoimhe is a real name.

Or better than L-Ah... (pronounced LA-Dash-Ah :/) Yeah, I've heard that before.


----------



## Lellow

So in order for OP to have a quiet life and receive acceptance from every Tom, Dick and Harry, she must name her daughter Sophie, Hannah, Laura or Jo?

While they are all lovely names, i just think that in this day in age, most kids have unique names and not everyone wants to conform to societies ideals and sticking to easy to spell/traditional names.

I dont think its fair for people to make comments on a name choice that has zipp to do with THEM...so what if its spelt differently, it Gaelic...not English.

Whos to say that if your an American then you have to use a typically American name...you can use any name you like, Arabic, Chinese, Indian, African, Gaelic or any name you please....the world is becoming more and more diverse, there are no restrictions anymore and if you cant spell someones name, just ask, theres no harm in it.

Your choice of name is lovely OP, but that irrelevant cos quite frankly whether i or everyone else like or dislike, inevitably if thats the choice youve made then people ESP your family need to respect that.

:hugs:


----------



## Sarahdisco

Personally, I love the name, but my best friend is called Caoimhe, and her daughter is a Siobhan (she has Irish blood somewhere along the line... Not enough to class herself as Irish though)

The family (and some in this thread) are hugely insensitive! Time was, that a name like Rachael or Jade or Kayleigh was seen as unusual when people were being called Ethel, Doris and Maud!

Bottom line, it's your child and as long as you and OH are happy, that's all that matters. The amount of times school teachers, call centres, employers have spelt my name wrong makes me chuckle! I have a really common name (Sarah) but people still get that wrong!


----------



## Alicebarak

I love this name and no doubt its so beautiful


----------



## IcklePickle

Hello,

I am new to the forum but this thread jumped out at me as we told my OH's family of the name we had picked if our baby is a girl (I am 16 weeks at moment and hope to find out at 20). We have picked India if we have a girl. Lets just say that his family were less than impressed and made their feelings known too. His nan just scoffed at us and said "dont be ridiculous, you might as well give it the middle name of Africa if you call it that!". My OH is quite sensitive to his family's feelings and think that he is now doubtful of the name but I am quite a stubborn person lol and I dont feel I should have to change it if we are having a girl.

I think the name you have chosen is beautiful. 

My name is Claire and I have to spell that out all the time due to various spellings of it.


----------



## marina294

At the end of the day its your choice hun.I've already had people moan st the girls name we have chosen if this ones agirl . But I gotta be honest I read it straight away as cay-oh-mee. She would be spelling her name for people. Saying that my maiden surname I had to spell all the time as no one could spell it.


----------



## Vegas_baby

Felt I needed to just chip in here!

I have an Irish Gaelic 'mh' name too - Mhairi , prounounced Vary, like Gary.

Yes I have to explain it, but actually I like that-people don't tend to forget me or my name, and it's a really good conversation starter when meeting new people. It's also given me some good laughs at peoples interpretations! :haha:

Oh, and I work in a job where I am on the phone A LOT, never caused me any great issue.

Go for it-it's a beautiful name x


----------



## Amy_T

LillyTame said:


> Just another person putting my two cents in:
> 
> Name YOUR child what YOU want! I've had to spell my names and you wouldn't think they could get any more simple ERICA LONG...what is so hard about that?! But trust me...I DO have to spell it out for people, frequently, and I try to pronunciate as clearly as possible.
> 
> BUT me and BF even looked up the name you have chosen and listened to the audio and both being American, we can't phantom how you get Keeva out of that! Very interesting indeed. You really never know how a person will react to their own name...like you said...it made you a better person to have an unusual spelling name...but she may not like it...you could name her *Amy or Karen *and she may not like it. So I say go with what you like! After all we can't wait till she is 15 so she can decide lol.
> 
> Good luck hun!


This made me laigh - my name is Amy and my maiden surname was Hall - you have no idea how many times I had to spell that out! Love it though. 

I also struggle with the pronounciation of Caiomhe but that doesn't make it a bad name, it's grown on me as I've been reading the thread - not that my opinion matters at all! My daughter is 7 and called Grace but in her class there are so many names that are different for whatever reason (made up names, foreign names etc) but she couldn't care less and thinks no less of them, if anything it has made her quite accepting of other cultures, 'different' ideas etc. 

If you are that in love with the name then use it otherwise you will probably regret it. I'm not one for made up names but this is a real name with a real heritage (regardless of whether you are of that origin or not), makes no difference whether anyone on here would use it or not.


----------



## too_scared

I love your name choice. It is beautiful and different and just perfect.

We are having problems with family liking the name we have chosen too. I thought our choice was nice and straight forward. We love it. As soon as I thought of it I just knew it was right. We chose Finn Oliver Jack. DH's grandmother hates the name Finn and said it is not a real name. I really don't care what anyone thinks of our choice because we love it and that is all that matters. DH chose Jack because it was his grandfather's nickname. So, of course DH's father said "you can just call him Jack" to his mother. No. That is not happening. His name is Finn and that is what everyone will call him. 

There aren't many people who told us that they like our name choice. There were lots of screwed up faces and snorts but I don't care one little bit.


----------



## Foogirl

kneeswrites said:


> My parents could have spelled my name Vayla or Vaila or Vayluh or some uglier spelling than Vaela, but instead they had faith in their decision and that they could raise me to believe that being different is good. And that is exactly what having a strange name taught me. I am so glad my parents gave me an unusual name that nobody gets right. It's an ice breaker for me in social situations, as they are very uncomfortable for me and having a weird name always gives me a way to break into conversation.

And these are the same parents who are having a go at you? Have you pointed that out to them? It seems a little hypocritical of them.

I'll be honest, I think it may become an irritation to have to spell it out and have it mispronounced all the time. I'm fairly well versed in Irish names and their spellings but I would not have known that one. My name is a plain name but with a slightly unusual spelling. It has always annoyed me to have to spell it, along with my last name (again plain but with different ways it can be spelled) Given we lived in rural Scotland, (Lumphanan.......)I always had to end up spelling my whole address. It's no surprise I'm great at spelling!!:haha: I wouldn't want to pass that on to my child, although it appears no-one can ever spell Abby either :dohh: Also, for some reason I have yet to fathom, whenever anyone forgets my name they always call me Claire. It is really strange.

But I do agree with those who say this is your child, name her how you like. I think it is pretty shitty of your family to say what they did, there was no need for that. Especially when you were so excited about it. Just remember if this is the reaction you get from family who are supposed to love and support no matter what, you can expect the same or worse from complete strangers! The only other thing I'd ask is that you don't laugh at people pronouncing it wrongly. I've seen that happen before and I think it's really mean.



passion4shoes said:


> Beautiful name. OH and I wanted to name our daughter Doris. But the reaction we got from EVERYONE (even seriously nice people!) has persuaded me not to do it.

Oh I so want a "Doris" But I think "Doris Paris" is bordering on abuse :haha: I love all the old names, Ethel, Dorothy, Rose etc But Mr Foo wont have them.


----------



## mummyfin

How spiteful to put a downer on her name! It's not their child!

We are giving our baby an Irish name as well (Aoife), so have already had a few comments about the difficult spelling, but only DH's auntie has said anything unpleasant about it (that's been repeated to us anyway) and no-one would have the cheek to say anything nasty about it to my face, my side all looked a bit surprised, then quickly covered it up lol!

We're in Scotland and I know an Aoife, and lots of Caoimhes and Niamhs, mostly Irish students here.

I like the name, and honestly it's not your fault if they're too uncultured to know how to spell it :haha:


----------



## mummyfin

Also, my name is gaelic but a fairly obvious one, and I still always got Christmas cards with the wrong spelling, and got asked if it was pronounced like this or like that when we had supply teachers, and still now at doctors apps etc, and I really couldn't care less. I much prefer it to the english version, or the ridiculously common name they were also considering calling me, which I LOATHE.


----------



## awifey

My name is not too popular in the first place and my mother chose a strange spelling of it in addition to that. As a result I never find my name on souvenir things, I get strange looks at it, and I either have to live with everywhere spelling my name incorrectly or spelling it out for them. It is a nuisance. As a child I wished to change it. Now I am ok with my name, but still get frustrated that everyone spells it incorrectly and sometimes I am just so tired of fixing it I give up. 

Your name is cool, the spelling is going to make her have to pronounce her name to each and every teacher and sub she will have.


----------



## jessthemess

You've gotten so many replies! I love it.

My name is Jessica. So common. So boring. There's a million everywhere. I've had roommates and co-captains on my cheerleading squad with the same name, coworkers too. My sister in law has the same name, ha no joke!

I love your baby name. I also plan on giving my kids odd names and knowing they are different and special and that they might never meet someone with the same name and I love the idea. My family loves to tease me about our future babies and their monikers. 

This will sound rude to some but it's not meant to be, just a personal opinion. Names like Ava, Sophia, Isabella, Emily, Emma, Michael, Jacob, Joshua, William, etc sound very uncreative and boring. When people say "I'm naming my daughter Olivia, Madison, Abigail" or "I'm naming my son Tyler, Andrew, David, Christopher" etc, I feel bad because like me they are going to go by their last initial forever. Because that's how it always was for me. And I really didn't like it.

My point is, whether you go unique or common, there will be people who will disapprove. Always. 

You're doing the right thing by picking a name you love and it's fantastic.


----------



## mac1979

My parents gave me a somewhat common name but spelled it weird, Melani, everybody spells my name Melanie. I am 33 and still relatives misspell my name when I get cards in the mail. Nobody can pronounce it for some reason either. No clue why :shrug:


----------



## zombiedaisy

I know you've gotten a lot of replies but I just wanted to tell you I know where your coming from. I have an extremely common name and always hated it, so when DH and I found out we were having a girl (different pregnancy than this one) we wanted something pretty but different. we decided on Talinna (ta- lean- ah). our families hated it, but we stood our ground on it. our daughter is almost 5 and everyone she tells her name to tries to place it with a more common name and give me funny looks when I correct them but it fits her perfectly. 

just remember once your daughter is born, everyone will be so happy she's here that they'll forget all about fussing over the name. after it was said and done no one fusses about. they really have no say in the matter.


----------



## Lauki

I love the name and think you should go for what you feel is right! I had a very distinct feeling with Sophies name and just knew she was a Sophie. I know it's 'common' but I knew it was her. It's about how you feel about it!

My hubby is Mathew with 1 t.. So he has to always say that. Everyone pronounces it correctly, but it always has to be said.

My name is Laura, but having been born in the Netherlands it's pronounced completely different to the English way. Since I moved over here (The UK) I've yet to meet one person who can actually pronounce my name. I think it's quite funny seeing people struggle getting their tongues around it iykwim ;). It doesn't bother me, neither does it make me sad.


----------



## Lauki

After all.. You are giving her an actual name. It's not like you're calling her Yellowjello or something! Or Hashtag!


----------



## wristwatch24

I saw Alyson Hannigan on Ellen the other day and she was saying how she named her daughter Keeva, and how it's a Gaelic name that is normally spelled another way, but they thought it would be too hard for her/other people to spell/pronounce so they went with Keeva instead. I thought of this thread immediately!


----------



## TwilightAgain

Personally i'm not a fan of unique names and those which aren't easy to pronounce on first glance, however I love the one that you've chosen. Its very beautiful and girly, love the spelling of it! Sod what your family think, she's your baby :flow:


----------



## lau86

This is why I'm all for waiting till the baby is born then telling family the name! People can't help themselves they HAVE to give an opinion. Once the baby is born and it's their name it isn't nearly as easy for them to object! 
It's a beautiful name and you know alot of people will struggle with the spelling but as PP have said, people struggle with simple names!


----------



## BrollyDolly

I absolutely adore the name Caoimhe and ever since I was about 16 I decided that would be the name for my daughter. As far as I am concerned it's my child and not my parents, grandparents, aunt's or uncle's (luckily my family like the name due to us having an Irish background). Dear OP, you choose a name both you and your OH are happy with, not what the rest of the world decide! My sister is calling her daughter Prue and she was told her child would hate her when she was older! Harsh!! If you're happy with the name and it's nothing absolutely ridiculous (like hashtag!) then you go with it


----------



## sue_88

BrollyDolly said:


> I absolutely adore the name Caoimhe and ever since I was about 16 I decided that would be the name for my daughter. As far as I am concerned it's my child and not my parents, grandparents, aunt's or uncle's (luckily my family like the name due to us having an Irish background). Dear OP, you choose a name both you and your OH are happy with, not what the rest of the world decide! My sister is calling her daughter Prue and she was told her child would hate her when she was older! Harsh!! If you're happy with the name and it's nothing absolutely ridiculous (like hashtag!) then you go with it

Totally OT, but I concieved my baby too on Soy Iso's and concieve plus after 30 months TTC! Aren't they wonderful!


----------



## BrollyDolly

sue_88 said:


> BrollyDolly said:
> 
> 
> I absolutely adore the name Caoimhe and ever since I was about 16 I decided that would be the name for my daughter. As far as I am concerned it's my child and not my parents, grandparents, aunt's or uncle's (luckily my family like the name due to us having an Irish background). Dear OP, you choose a name both you and your OH are happy with, not what the rest of the world decide! My sister is calling her daughter Prue and she was told her child would hate her when she was older! Harsh!! If you're happy with the name and it's nothing absolutely ridiculous (like hashtag!) then you go with it
> 
> Totally OT, but I concieved my baby too on Soy Iso's and concieve plus after 30 months TTC! Aren't they wonderful!Click to expand...

Absolutely!!! I had doubts at first with everyone saying how amazing they were but the proof is now growing inside me!!!  Xx


----------



## Annie77

Caoimhe is a lovely name, although I must confess in Scotland the girls I know with this name pronounce it Kee-vay.

My mum didn't like the name Caitlin to begin with but loves it now. My gran (who is Irish but from the north) couldn't get to grips with it. I like a lot of Gaelic names; Aine, Aoife, Cian etc but my favs for this baby are Aidan and Ailish.

We have just learnt not to ask other people's opinions and although they may react with horror to begin with, the generally come to accept the name as fitting for the owner.


----------

