# Can my bad temper screw up my baby?



## Betheney

We all know those moments where your baby just wont stop crying and crying and crying and you for one moment just yell "Shut up"

Well i've probably only done it a few times in the past but she's a pretty easy baby so she very rarely get's to me. But this last week she's sick with hand, foot and mouth disease and she's so miserable and whiney. About 3 nights ago i completely snapped and just screamed "SHUUUUT UUUUUP" She looked at me with complete shock and then screamed even more, of course i felt like total shit and instantly picked her up and cuddled and kissed her (probably further messing her up)

ANYWAY! my problem is now whenever i yell at all!! even at the dog. She starts crying. At first i thought i was imagining it but i'm not. She's terrified of me yelling. I yelled at the dog because she's not allowed in the lounge room and Eva burst into tears. I yelled out to my husband in the kitchen "HONEY THE FOOTY HAS STARTED COME WATCH!!" and she looked at me and burst into tears.

I feel like shit! What kind of mother am i?? and i suppose this post is more of a sad i can't beleive what i've done kind of post. I do have a horrible temper and do yell rather often, i'm exactly like my over emotional father. I tried to mellow out when i was pregnant but obviously didn't work. Then when she was born she couldn't really understand my ranting so i didn't worry about it. But now she's getting into the toddler age she's obviously understanding alot more and i'm worried i'm not going to get my temper in check before it can affect her and how she thinks it's ok to act and carry on growing up. I've never held in my angry emotions my entire life, it's always an on going joke wherever i work, people laugh about never crossing me or someone nicknamed me the angry little ball.... how on earth can i change now??? My poor baby :-( she has no hope.


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## sparkle_1979

Well at least u recognise it hun that's the first step. No advise really apart from maybe when you feel like yelling just walk out, leave her in a safe place even if she's screaming and return when you have calmed down. I think it could have a lasting affect so I'd nip it in the bud now. xxx


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## sparkle_1979

oh and of course she has hope you obviously care about her very much to sit and write this post x


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## QTPie

I have been guilty of yelling a few times (not much), but I still hate having done it...

People cannot change the past, but they sure can change the future!

Just because you have a "history"/"reputation" for being angry, doesn't mean that you have to continue being angry.... Obviously it isn't easy to change "overnight" and there will be slips, but - each time - just get back on the wagon. Get some counselling help if needed - help you work through issues.

Children are HUGELY adaptable and HUGELY forgiving: what has gone before isn't important, but what you do from now on is. However, never underestimate the amount that small babies pick up - from pregnancy onwards they have huge connection to their mother's emotions.


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## Pearls18

I lose my temper easily and I have shouted at LO before and it has made him cry- particualrly the times I reflexively yelped when he bit me BF bless him, we're mothers, we're human, we can't be perfect all the time and like most people we will lose our tempers from time to time, it won't be the last time you do it I'm sure, all you can do is what we would do if we shouted at anyone else and that is apologise so we say sorry to our babies by kissing them and cuddling them, your daughter knows you're not a bad mummy, nobody likes yelling so it's no wonder she gets a little upset but you haven't 'broken' her, it would be more worrying if a baby didn't cry when someone shouted because it shows they are used to it! x


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## buddyIV

QTPie said:


> I have been guilty of yelling a few times (not much), but I still hate having done it...
> 
> People cannot change the past, but they sure can change the future!
> 
> Just because you have a "history"/"reputation" for being angry, doesn't mean that you have to continue being angry.... Obviously it isn't easy to change "overnight" and there will be slips, but - each time - just get back on the wagon. Get some counselling help if needed - help you work through issues.
> 
> Children are HUGELY adaptable and HUGELY forgiving: what has gone before isn't important, but what you do from now on is. However, never underestimate the amount that small babies pick up - from pregnancy onwards they have huge connection to their mother's emotions.

I second all of this! (QT your advice is always awesome!) 

We all have flaws, and whilst some of them are innoccuous, others are significant and are things we want to resolve. It takes conserted effort, but it's possible to change how you respond to situations: you do have control over these things, even when it seems like you dont. 

I wasn't very patient before LO was born, and it was something I knew had to change. I'm way, way more patient now, especially with my son. It took effort, and I still have moments when my patience is short, but overall I'm winning the battle to be unfazed! Take a moment when you feel like shouting and ask yourself if it's really worth it...or would that energy be better served to tickle your LO? :flower:


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## AlwaysPraying

I think it's important to learn how to deal with your frustration. You said that you've never been one to hold in your anger. But that's not how to deal with it properly. You have to manage it in a way that your calm and not bottling it up either. It's a big challenge!!!


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## Lara+sam+bump

I did and probably deep down still do have a terrible temper and am guilty of shouting, swearing and banging doors, throwing stuff (in another room) when LO has refused to sleep for hours on end or whinged all day or when younger cried for hours solid (reflux and constipation baby) But I became a childminder and since pretty much the first day I have felt much more in control, sure there have been times when ive felt totally frazzled and out of control, but I seem to be able to cope with it better. I have now developed coping mechinisms. I follow a routine with LO, I try to always think of situations from his perspective before I react, I have learnt to zone out the crying and just carry on with what im doing. I have a set disapline techniques for certain behaviours so I never feel that I dont know what im doing and I find constantly sustaining a calm and patient tone of voice helps your patience and nerves dramtically, you may sound like a serial killer occasionally, but its better than losing it. Not saying I never lose it anymore, about 3 months ago Noah had a cold and was miserable and tired and refusing to nap and after an hour of gently trying to settle him I snapped and shouted go to sleep and slammed the door of his bedroom. He then ironically did go to sleep but I felt terrible afterwards and actually think that was the last time I snapped. Good luck hun, dont let anyone judge you, your a fab mum, we cant just erase our personalities and faults just because we give birth it takes time xxxx


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## Mummy2Asher

The last cou


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## Mum2b_Claire

My mum said she got angry with me a number of times when I was a baby including apparently putting me down in my cot roughly and walking away. I was a bit of a high needs baby. I'm pleased to say I'm not screwed up! I said to my mum I'm sorry I was such a nightmare baby! 

I have found that generally I have a lot of reserves of patience with Ruby that I'd never have in any other situation BUT being in my third tri and Ruby going through a difficult phase is testing me a bit I'll admit. I find talking about how I feel to OH, my mum, friends etc really helps me keep things in perspective.
And if I end up snapping I say sorry to Ruby and explain that mummy gets cross sometimes because she is tired, or whatever the actual reason was, but it's still not nice that mummy shouted and she is sorry...


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## deafgal

Just be prepare when your LO imitate you :) But yeah, there are days that were very frustrating and I snapped and say " can't you just be quiet!"

of course, I tell him "I'm sorry" afterward. I felt really bad.


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## flower01

ive done it too, actually when i have PMT im horrible and i shout and slam doors and my poor girlie thinks ive gone mad. Her mood then changes and she is in a bad mood like me, usually after the PMT has subsided we go back to normal and we are all happy again!

I feel bloody awful but i dont feel theres anything i can do to help it!!
pmt and the fertility drugs im on makes my patience dissapear completly!!
so your not alone and i think its great you wrote this post :)
xxxxxxx


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## Lara310809

Oh hon; I'm guilty of it too. When she was still a baby I shouted at her from about a metre away, and I scared her :( I saw it in her face, and I can still see her face in my mind to this day. I haven't done it since. I have shouted, but perhaps from another room. I do it now when she's throwing tantrums and I want her to be quiet. I don't shout because she's worn me down, but shout in a disciplining way. But it's still shouting, so I shoudl't do it. Most of us are guilty of it though.

You can't change what's already happened though, and you can't expect to change yourself and everything you are overnight. Just take it a day at a time. A tantrum at a time, and you will notice a difference. Take a step back from the situation and remember that she's just a child and she knows no better. You _will _notice a difference; I promise. I used to fly off the handle so much more before I was a mother. Even when she was a baby I lost my temper more than I do now, and she's harder to deal with now. It's all about slowly training yourself to cope with these situations.


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## Betheney

Thank you so much for your comments!!!

In the last week i've really made an effort to not yell at or in front of her. I'm hoping that if i continue to do this it may permanently change my short fuse. It's not just yelling AT her that upsets her it's just when i yell in general. But i suppose if i can manage to control all angry situations then i'd probably have a better chance of changing myself permanently for the better. Where as if i only avoid yelling at her but continue yelling at everyone else i probably will be back yelling at her again anyway.

Thanks again.


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## MissRhead

I have a very very short fuse, and i get angry very easily. I found it so hard at first trying to control it, but now when i can feel myself getting worked up i put LO somewhere safe and just take 2 minutes and then go back to him. Im not ashamed to admit that i was pretty awful before, ive even thrown a bottle at the tv and smashed the screen in temper (LO was screaming wouldnt sleep, and FOB was trying to cause an argument) but i feel like ive got it under control now, i just have to leave the situation then im fine, i also find counting helps me to xx


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## elephant29

:hugs:

I did shout at LO once when she was tiny and I still remember it. She cried and I cried and her little face that night has burned into my retinas. I havent done it since but that doesnt mean I dont lose my temper. I get very easily frustrated at the moment as I am 8 mths pregnant and LO is going through a phase of waking a few times a night and I dont really get much help so I do get angry. Last night After being up hours I had to place LO in her cot and walk awake and screamed into a pillow and balled my eyes out! 

Alos remember though that our LO's are susceptible to loud noises at this age. I dont shout around LO at all but if I shout on OH for something sometimes she looks terrified and cries!

xxx


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