# Not sure where to start....



## Bella1185

Hello - this is my first time ever venturing over to this section of bnb. In fact - I haven't even read through the other threads yet, but will do so after I post this! So please forgive me if I am repeating "common" or standard questions.... 

DH and I have a very spirited 3 year old little girl. DH has been begging for her to have a sibling as long as I can remember but I do not feel inclined to add another child in a biological way - although as far as we know, I am technically "able". (For what it's worth, I've had many miscarriages - including one that was later term and still devastating!) But most issues were determined to just stem from very low progesterone. Not sure why - I just am happy with her being biologically "ours", and feel as if another kiddo in the mix would simply add to the joy! There are ALOT of kids that sadly aren't quite at home where they live now - but maybe they could be with us??

Something in my heart keeps "whispering" haha: don't judge! Lol I know that makes me sound like a nutcase!!) that adoption is the avenue to pursue. For whatever reason; I've always felt totally complete with our family just being me, DH and DD. Another biological child is not something I particularly desire as other women might....yet I just KNOW I could open my world to a foster or adopted child. It's an option I so SO want to learn more about....but am not sure where the heck to start, how to find out if we can even "do" this, or SHOULD?!

(Little background: I worked for a foster care agency part time for two years after college, so although I know very VERY little, I am aware of some of the aspects involving adoption and fostering)....



So I guess I'm just asking:
-how did you know that fostering and adoption was right for you and your family?
-how the heck do you get started? (the "good" websites seem few
And far between)
-did you hire an attorney immediately upon your decision to adopt?


Basically - just any suggestions, questions, anythiiiiiiing tossed this direction would be so helpful :flower:


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## Axl2

Hey there so how I decided that adoption was right for myself and my husband I felt like we were doing the right things and it felt very positive.

In Canada we looked up the agency in our province called them. There was some steps we had to do 1. Seminar 2. Application 3. Homestudy and now we are on the waiting list.

I would look up agencies in your area and then call and ask questions.

I hope I helped you out little.


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## MKaykes

Hi Bella...so this is an old thread without much activity, but that seems to be pretty standard here in this section. Just curious how things have gone? Have you started the process of adoption? I'm expecting we will make the move to investigating adoption this summer...but clearly I'm already looking :) DH just isn't ready yet and wants to take some more time trying for a biological child, but we likely won't do IVF.

Or if anyone else has any input if I bump the thread up :)


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## Left wonderin

Firstly I'm sorry for all of your losses . Having worked in the area I would like to suggest something . Would you consider going to do a few sessions with a therapist to help figure it out ? Partly to ensure that the decision is not being driven by fear of another pregnancy due to your late loss and unresolved grief . I hope you don't mind me saying this but it jumped off the page at me . You didn't say if your " late loss " was before of after the birth of your little girl , not that it matters in any way . I wish you the very very best of luck whatever your decision


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## Bella1185

Thank you so much, for the replies!!!

Mkaykes - thanks for the bump! I've only lightly started to look into it! Seems to be lots and lots of research to be done first and foremost!! I hope your DH warms to the idea. There is a couple at our church where the wife wanted to adopt but her husband was soooo hesitant. He had his reasons and they were all understandable - but eventually he conceded. They adopted the sweetest little girl! The wife was very content with just the one, but her husband then CONVINCED HER TO ADOPT TWINS, too! :headspin: Very much a flip of perspective for him and beautiful to watch!! They went from being just the two of them to a family of FIVE in about a year and a half!!! :hugs:

Left wonderin - thanks for the great question! I wish people were more open about therapy and counseling. IMO everyone should get a little therapy, by themselves and/or as a couple. Its great to touch base and be a little introspective, resolve old issues, or even just have an opportunity to let your voice be heard! Also, it's nice to have a (hopefully) unbiased individual guide you to better understand your actions and reactions. I'm always advocating on here that people get counseling haha I hope no one is offended! It really should be destigmatized and seen as a positive choice

Late loss was before my daughter. However, I don't think that considering adoption due to a previous loss is a necessarily a bad thing. If a woman (and her body) had a traumatic experience and is honest with herself that she is emotionally, mentally or physiologically unable to go through it again, then in my opinion that level of self awareness would indicate a preparedness to move forward and consider other options. I do agree that fear itself is NOT a good enough reason to adopt- or do anything for that matter!




Thank you all for your thoughtful replies!!! will keep updating as we go forward!!


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## Left wonderin

Bella sounds like you have thought this all through :) I think your right and that you would fly through the assessment process . You sound like a very reflective person :) I wish you all the very best and please do keep us posted !!!


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## Bella1185

Left wonderin said:


> Bella sounds like you have thought this all through :) I think your right and that you would fly through the assessment process . You sound like a very reflective person :) I wish you all the very best and please do keep us posted !!!


Aww thanks!!! I really appreciated your insight on the situation in general! Hopefully this is something that will pan out - however - I've hardly started the process! Only light research! So looking forward to learning as I go!


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## tag74

:hi: My thread went dormant for awhile for myriads of reasons but I'd be happy to answer questions. Our steps for adoption were last year and we brought our son home June 2016. 

Here is my thread: https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/a...ting-next-love-my-life-page-29-34-update.html

I'll try and update my thread more frequently. :)


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## MKaykes

tag74 said:


> :hi: My thread went dormant for awhile for myriads of reasons but I'd be happy to answer questions. Our steps for adoption were last year and we brought our home June 2016.
> 
> Here is my thread: https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/a...ting-next-love-my-life-page-29-34-update.html
> 
> I'll try and update my thread more frequently. :)

Thanks! About half way through &#128513;


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## BronteForever

I'd love to follow this thread as well. My husband and I aren't ready to pursue adoption at this time. We'd like to get over our IVF emotional and financial losses first. But we know it's likely going to be something for our future. 

I just don't even know where to begin to start with the process. So I'm curious of websites that will help as well. 

Bella - have you made any progress or found good information to assist you yet? I wish you luck.


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## Hatethewait85

Hi All! I went through private, domestic, infant adoption last year and am trying to gear myself up for starting the process for a #2 later this year.

When we first started exploring the idea, we met with one of the local adoption agencies which was helpful. I admit it did stress me out looking at the paperwork so we put the breaks on for awhile - while we learned about more about adoption in general as well as open adoption specifically. I read a number of books and tried to read different blogs/personal accounts online. Anyway, I'm happy to answer any questions I can - and it would be nice to have a some people to talk to who get it when we go through this again :flower:


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## BronteForever

Hey HatetheWait - I'm just now trying to get back on here after a much needed break. I'd love to hear some good book recommendations to help with the adoption planning process though. It just seems so overwhelming with all the various options. I also don't know how open I am to an open adoption. I know it varies greatly with the level of openness but I have this strange fear I will be judged by the birth mother so much and no matter how stupid that sounds I don't know how to get over that fear.


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## Axl2

Hey BronteForever, its normal to have fears and the birthmom will have her fears too. My husband and I have been on the waiting list for over a year now, and I have times where I think the reason we haven't been placed is that we don't have much to offer. But then I think yes we do we have a lot to offer. We all have fears. Adoption is scary but it is amazing at the same time.


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## Bella1185

Long time since I've checked back on this post! Can't wait to read everything!!!! Thanks everyone!


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