# Pregnant, dumped, and sooo hurt.



## Tracy76

Hello everyone! I was looking around the net last night, hoping to find a little support for my situation right now, as I feel completely lost. I found this site :) First I'd like to say thank you to all of you brave enough to share your story. Hearing that I'm not alone in this nightmare is more reassuring than I can put into words...

Ok. Here goes... I am a 34 year old single mother of 3 beautiful children. My first baby was born a month after I turned 17. I was a single mother to him for 9 years before I met my husband and had two more babies, 19 months apart. A year after we were married, I walked in on him and his best friend. His MALE best friend. We were divorced a year later. 

He has not been the best father, however he has never abandoned his children and his parents have taken a very active role in my children's lives. I did not want any more children. I finally started dating again two years ago. I fell madly and deeply in love with this man. He was soooo handsome and charming, had his own house and two cars and seemed to have his life together. Then one day about 10 months later, completely out of the blue to me, he announced that he had been seeing a 19 year old and he was breaking up with me. I can't explain the heart break and rejection I felt. I felt used and thrown away like yesterdays garbage. 

I was also in a dire financial situation at the time, so I took a job at an escort agency for a few months. At least if I was going to be used for sex, they were going to pay through the nose and I wouldn't be getting hurt. I made $30,000 in that 3 months. And then that same guy came crawling back one day, telling me how much of a mistake he made, how much he missed me and wanted me back. I still loved him sooo much, and against the advice of my best friends, I quit that job and took him back. Everything was great for months, until one day he found an old ad I had. He confronted me, calling me every name in the book, telling me how he could never trust me again. But he "loved" me, and wanted to still try. 

It only got worse. The relationship became abusive, filled with constant accusations of me "working", even though I spent every waking moment with him. He choked me, called me names, went through my phone, my purse, every drawer in my house, even read my diary at one point and confronted me about what was in there as well. I had never cheated on him, and I so hoped that eventually he would see that and things would go back to normal.

One night we had a terrible fight while my 7 and 5 year olds slept in the bedroom next door. That's my number one rule, NEVER fight when the children are home, sleeping or not. So I tried to pack up my stuff and wake my kids up to take them home. He grabbed me around the neck and threw me on the bed, telling me I wasn't going anywhere that night. I did not want my children to see this so I gave in and tried to just go to sleep until morning when I could sneak out while he slept. He didn't let me sleep. Instead he reached over for the condom and demanded sex. I could have screamed and yelled rape, however it would have been my children who woke up to those screams, so I just lay there and endured it. The next morning I left. 

3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was so mad. I had been so careful, used protection EVERY time! How did this happen?? I showed up at his house with a box of pregnancy tests to prove I was pregnant and question him as to how this happened, and he admitted to not using the condom that night we had the fight. He said he didn't want me to leave him, and he didn't want me to go back to work and he knew I was against abortion. I was tricked. Then he started with the whole "I love you so much baby, we can make this work." Don't ask me why, but I gave him one more chance. 

2 weeks ago he changed his mind again. He decided he wanted me to get an abortion and that we should break up. No matter what mean things he said to me, I could not/ would not have the big "A". So how did he handle it?? He sent me his mother's phone number and told me to contact her if I needed anything from him, and he changed his number. 

So here I am, pregnant at 34 with baby number 4. I had my first baby alone at 17, and 17 years later I am having my last baby, alone. I'm terrified, maybe even more than I was when I was a teenage mom. I feel so tricked and used and hurt that I don't know how to handle all these emotions. I feel so alone. Its killing me to know that I am single and alone and he is carrying on with his life, dating, going out, being free of all responsibility. When I refused the "A" he threatened to try to take me to court to take this baby away from me. Even if he tried I'm sure he'd never be successful, however the worry and confusion and absolute heart break I feel on a daily basis is overwhelming. All I can think is "how on earth did I let myself get tricked like this? Can I really do this, all by myself, again?" 

I'm so lost. I surfed the net last night hoping to find stories of others who've been through this and maybe find strength and comfort in their story and that is how I found this site. I'm sorry for the long winded letter, I just feel like I am so stuffed with emotions that I'm going to pop. I cry every day. I don't know how I am going to make it through this entire pregnancy, as I am 10 weeks along today...


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## im_mi

You need to get the hell away from that man forever honey. Seriously. I am so sorry you had to go through that :( you and your kids will be SO much happier now, you really will. 

He is obviously a complete psychopath. i mean, demanding you have an abortion and when you refuse, threatening to take you to court for custody??? Whoa. This guy needs some serious help.

Do you have a sure start childrens centre in your area? i really think it would help you to be able to have somewhere to go to get the support you so obviously need right now. I hope things get better for you soon :hugs:


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## Tracy76

Thank you for the kind words. I keep hoping I will feel better now that he's gone. But I don't. I feel worse. I feel so tricked, so lost. He's living his life, dating, sleeping around, partying, and here I am, getting fatter and lonelier by the day.... I don't know of any groups like that here in Calgary, however I'm sure they exist. I guess I'd feel kinda silly going there, with this being my fourth pregnancy...


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## sweetlullaby

You shouldn't feel silly going hun :hugs: But you do need to cut all contact and stay away from him. You and your kids will be so much better off without him around!


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## littlekitten8

Oh hell hun. Thats awful! My ex partner was violent to me hence why I am now a single mummy. No person should EVER have to put up with what you had to. He sounds like a complete t**t! Don't feel silly about going just cos it's your 4th pregnancy! Those centres are there to provide support and advice for any parent. Regardless of what number baby it is. I go to a local Sure Start centre and there are all sorts of people who go. If you ever want to chat feel free to PM me. I may not be in your exact situation but I know what its like to be on the receiving end of controlling and violent people. Hugs hunny xx


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## Linz88

this man..well boy, assaulted and raped you whilst your kids slept next door
count your self lucky and PLEASE stay away from him and his mother.
unless u want to end up dead


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## aliss

You can speak to the Calgary Victim Assistance Unit at 403-206-8321 or 403-206-8322, they will have a good listing of all resources and support groups for women that have been through abusive situations and have children.


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## purpledahlia

I agree, you need to stay away form him for the sake of your family. Cut all ties, move if you can. maybe its what you need, new house / area / job / start. This man is evil, x


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## Tracy76

Thank you to everyone who responded. Just to reassure every one, I AM staying away from him. Far, far, away. I flew across the country to visit my best friend for a week and do some soul searching. The hard part is NOT staying away from him, the hard part is understanding HOW I could be still in love with him? It sounds insane, I know! I am a very strong girl, I have lived through more pain in my 34 years than most people live in ten lifetimes, and I KNOW better!! Yet.... I miss him. Go figure :( 

I think the part I am having the hardest time with, is that I promised myself 17 years ago when my son was born that I would never let myself get pregnant by a deadbeat ever, ever again. I never wanted to go through another pregnancy all alone. I have a condition called Gestational Diabetes, pregnancy takes a lot of determination and self control. 

Trust me ladies, I don't want him back. I'm more worried now about how I will be able to deal with him when the baby is born! I feel like he used me as a baby factory, and when the baby gets here, he gets what he wanted.... a child. And there is nothing I can do about it.... 

I know the hormones of pregnancy make me feel worse and they will pass, however every day I cry angry, hurt, tears. I try to focus on the beautiful little baby that will soon be here, but that just makes me cry harder! I know first hand how much pain my son went through when his dead beat father stood him up over and over and over again all through his life and I never wanted to watch another child go through that pain. Yet now I have no choice...

I have taken your advice however, and I have searched out a few pregnancy groups in my area. Wether or not I go is another story, because I feel like I am too old, been through too much, and should know better!! I have never been in an abusive relationship like that one before, and I guess I never realized the shame and humiliation that go with admitting to the world that I let someone treat me that way... and worse yet, that somehow, I still love him. 

It helps so much to read all of the posts on here. I know I'm not the ONLY one in this situation, and reading about all of your victories gives me hope that I WILL make it through this, everyone WILL be ok. If only there was a way to erase all these mixed up emotions in the mean time.... 

BTW, someone mentioned sending a pm... however I cannot find a private message box on here anywhere! lol.


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## lou_w34

I agree with everyone else, stay away from him, you deserve so much more and so do your littles ones, And try not to worry, youve done it once before, so i have no doubt that you can do it again :hugs:

Oh and if you click on a persons user name, it will say send a private message :)


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## littlekitten8

Yeah if you click on my name it will let you send me a private message :) and it was me that said to PM me if you need to talk. Oh and if you don't put his name on the birth certificate (which is your choice whether to or not) he has no rights to access.


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## NuKe

Hi and first of all, welcome to baby and bump! im not a single parent, but I myself have been in an abusive relationship and was lurking in this forum and couldnt not post on your thread. I applaud you for not having the big A and for getting the hell away from that "man" which he clearly is NOT. hes a fucking scumbag. I wish you luck with your pregnancy hun, at least some good has come out of being with that scumbag! :hugs:


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## purpledahlia

You've done it before, and you will do it again. Youve prooved your strength to yourself already! dont doubt yourself. He is scum, and i would not give him any rights. hope you find help in this forum like the rest of us did. I think to a single parent its so so much x


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## suzanne108

:hugs:

I'll ditto what everyone else has already said!

You sound like a strong lady and you can do this. Makes me so sad though reading stories like this...I don't know how these men can do it. I never realised until I was pregnant and dumped just how much it happened :nope:

xxxx


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## Tracy76

All of you have been very kind since I posted my current situation on here. I have done this before, kind of. I was a single, teen mom many years ago, and it was nine years before I met and married my husband and had more children. I had forgotten the gut wrenching fear and guilt that overwhelms you when you find yourself pregnant by a looser and left to fend for yourself. 

It's been a crazy couple weeks, I have done a lot of crying and soul searching and I have definitely found comfort in this forum. I know I'm not the only person going through this or that has gone through this. I guess part of my pain is that I am the "strong" one amongst my friends and family. I'm the one everyone turns to for advice and support, the one who knows where all the resources are and has her life together. I feel so humiliated that I allowed myself to be in this situation, and the last couple months of the relationship I even hid certain details from my friends and family, knowing full well they would scream for me to leave. 

I've been away from him for almost a month now. He continued to harrass me, my best friend, and my brother throughout that time. Last saturday he phoned me again and told me he was going to kill himself. I phoned the police and they went to his house and found him unconcious in his garage in his truck while it was running. They revived him and took him to the hospital where they then released him into his parents custody, 6 hours later. His mother phoned me the next day and begged me to just do whatever he wanted because if I didn't and he killed himself it would be all my fault.

I did what I should have done months ago... I went to the court and got a restraining order. That was yesterday. Today I got another phone call from his mother. She said she had hired a lawyer and a private detective to follow me around and she would be in contact again very soon. Unfortunately, even though the order says "no direct or in-direct contact by him or by agent", because she didn't say she was calling FOR him, there is nothing the police can do. So tomorrow I have to go back to the court again and file another restraining order against her as well. 

This is going to be a looooong journey. But you know what?? I CAN do this! I feel like some of the poison he brought into my life is gone and I can finally see and think clearly again. I know, deep down, that I have to change my attitude and stop crying and feeling sad for someone who is so obviously incapable of feeling anything and needs help terribly. This is a new member of our family coming very soon, and I've decided that that is where my energy and emotions need to be. 

I am so grateful for my three, soon to be four, beautiful children. I have been truly blessed, and that creep is going to miss all the amazing wonders that babies bring into our lives. 

Thank you to all of you that take the time to post your trials and successes on here, they have been truly inspiring and motivational for me. I needed to remember that I am not the only one who has gone through stuff like this, to never give up because it is worth it in the end..... and I have ;)


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## skyrocket

Tracy - I can seethe change in you since your first post. You go girl!
This guy sounds completely dangerous and unstable and rather than focussing on having you followed his mother needs to get a grip and focus on the mess that is her son.
No way will he get custody after attempting suicide so why exactly is she having you followed? His family sound toxic and you are well rid of them!
Be strong and focus on your 4 babies. Everything will work out fine, I promise you.
It always does xxxxx


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## Starla

tracy76... your ex is a narcissistic psychopath. google it, I swear to God, its textbook behavior cz I have one like that too. Its like they try to suck you back in and keep you hooked. What kind of man acts like he's going to use a comdom, and then dosent. Its almost as if he had the intention of keeping the 2 of you tied together. Heres some websites just look at them. (well Im going to have to send them to you another way bc this site wont let me.) 
I have been with a man similar to yours for over a year. A few weeks ago I kicked him out bc I got sick of being treated like dirt and terrorized for hours. Just when I started to feel like I had a huge weight lifted from my shoulders, I had this funny feeling like I might be pregneant, sure enough I found out on friday that I am. I have an 11 year old daughter that I have raised myself. Im freaking out bc I do not get the big picture as to why this had to happen to me Now... I had plans of getting my life on track, moving, dating again, going out with friends... but apparently God had other plans. Anyways Im so glad Im not alone here, either... and I hope you look at those websites. Take Care, Girl...


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## shaunanicole

I'm SO sorry that you have been handed these hardships in life but there truly is a reason for everything. You might not know why you were handed another child when you are in the current situation you are in but there is a reason behind it you will one day know.

Stay strong and know that you are capable of doing this. :hugs:


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