# Am I the only one on here with no contact with FOB?



## resursval

I have absolutely zero contact with my FOB. Anyone else on here that also have no contact with FOB? Everyone seems to more or less have some contact with their FOB..


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## lil_mama_415

i have zero contact with my dd father


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## Gunnhilde

We've talked on the phone a handful of times, but I haven't seen him since I was pregnant. It has been about 4 years. I've got sole custody with no visitation. :thumbup:


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## resursval

Thanks for replying. We broke the contact when my daughter was 3 months old but he had already been very absent during all the pregnancy and didn't bother to be with me when giving birth as well.


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## resursval

Gunnhilde said:


> We've talked on the phone a handful of times, but I haven't seen him since I was pregnant. It has been about 4 years. I've got sole custody with no visitation. :thumbup:

Hej, 
See you will be soon living in Denmark, I am in south of Sweden


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## Gunnhilde

resursval said:


> Hej,
> See you will be soon living in Denmark, I am in south of Sweden

Ohh that is nice! I'll be moving to Aarhus. :flower: 

Well, if you had to pick a country to be a single mother in... Sweden is probably one of the best. I couldn't afford to live here, in America, as one.


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## surprisebaby

i have no contact whatsoever with my fob. his choice. He just cut us off from his life from day 1 of finding out I was pregnant. Has never even looked at our daughter who is now 2. He never replied to any messages, calls etc. Just pretends we don't exist. It is quite sad really that he can't even make any communication at all. He is in deep denial that he has a child. Hard to understand. He graduated this week from university so I am very looking forward to contacting the csa to start getting money from him once he starts earning. Maybe he won't be able to deny money leaving his bank account quite as easily as denying he has a daughter!!


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## lil_mama_415

once the fob started making threats about kidnapping her and death threats to me while i was pregnant that was the last straw


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## resursval

lil_mama_415 said:


> once the fob started making threats about kidnapping her and death threats to me while i was pregnant that was the last straw

I'm so sorry to hear that.

However it is "nice" to know I am not the only one in this situation. Sometimes I feel almost like an alien having no contact with FOB. It's his choice but probably mine as well as he is not a good parent to any of his kids. He always ends up abandoning them sooner or later.


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## Gunnhilde

lil_mama_415 said:


> once the fob started making threats about kidnapping her and death threats to me while i was pregnant that was the last straw

My ex-husband threatened to take her and sell her off after she was born. That was the last time we saw each other. Weird thing is that he was the one who wanted to try and get pregnant. :growlmad:


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## resursval

Gunnhilde said:


> lil_mama_415 said:
> 
> 
> once the fob started making threats about kidnapping her and death threats to me while i was pregnant that was the last straw
> 
> My ex-husband threatened to take her and sell her off after she was born. That was the last time we saw each other. Weird thing is that he was the one who wanted to try and get pregnant. :growlmad:Click to expand...

Yes I had a similar thing happened "we will work things through if you get pregnant" "what happens is meant to happen". Then when it happened he threatened me, wanted me to kill our baby and then when he thought she was a boy (first ultrasound misleading) he changed his mind (all he ever wanted was to have a son) and then wanted me to have an abortion at 17 weeks pregnant (when it was confirmed she was a girl). 
Disgusting and absolutely appalling I say.


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## dannyo

surprisebaby said:


> i have no contact whatsoever with my fob. his choice. He just cut us off from his life from day 1 of finding out I was pregnant. Has never even looked at our daughter who is now 2. He never replied to any messages, calls etc. Just pretends we don't exist. It is quite sad really that he can't even make any communication at all. He is in deep denial that he has a child. Hard to understand. He graduated this week from university so I am very looking forward to contacting the csa to start getting money from him once he starts earning. Maybe he won't be able to deny money leaving his bank account quite as easily as denying he has a daughter!!

Wow, He is a real piece of work. I just can't believe anyone would deny their own child.


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## gracexxx

surprisebaby said:


> i have no contact whatsoever with my fob. his choice. He just cut us off from his life from day 1 of finding out I was pregnant. Has never even looked at our daughter who is now 2. He never replied to any messages, calls etc. Just pretends we don't exist. It is quite sad really that he can't even make any communication at all. He is in deep denial that he has a child. Hard to understand. He graduated this week from university so I am very looking forward to contacting the csa to start getting money from him once he starts earning. Maybe he won't be able to deny money leaving his bank account quite as easily as denying he has a daughter!!

Pretty much in the same situation myself, We had some contact to begin with, but after him being no help at all during my pregnancy, ignoring many of my calls and messages and coming up with excuse after excuse not to see me or his daughter i gave up and have now completely cut contact and deleted him out of our lives. FOB saw LO when she was 2 days old wasnt at the birth, and hasnt been there since. He also denies the existence of his own daughter, which breaks my heart when i think about it. But then i think i have a wonderful baby girl, why would i want a useless 'father' who abandons his own baby and treats me like im totally worthless in our lives? Were both so much better off without him.


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## resursval

gracexxx said:


> surprisebaby said:
> 
> 
> i have no contact whatsoever with my fob. his choice. He just cut us off from his life from day 1 of finding out I was pregnant. Has never even looked at our daughter who is now 2. He never replied to any messages, calls etc. Just pretends we don't exist. It is quite sad really that he can't even make any communication at all. He is in deep denial that he has a child. Hard to understand. He graduated this week from university so I am very looking forward to contacting the csa to start getting money from him once he starts earning. Maybe he won't be able to deny money leaving his bank account quite as easily as denying he has a daughter!!
> 
> Pretty much in the same situation myself, We had some contact to begin with, but after him being no help at all during my pregnancy, ignoring many of my calls and messages and coming up with excuse after excuse not to see me or his daughter i gave up and have now completely cut contact and deleted him out of our lives. FOB saw LO when she was 2 days old wasnt at the birth, and hasnt been there since. He also denies the existence of his own daughter, which breaks my heart when i think about it. But then i think i have a wonderful baby girl, why would i want a useless 'father' who abandons his own baby and treats me like im totally worthless in our lives? Were both so much better off without him.Click to expand...

Yes I thought the same about my FOB, better he's gone from the start than she gets attached to the asshole and then he breaks her heart abandoning her for real.


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## teal

I have absolutely no contact with FOB. We broke up when I refused to have a termination. He's never met my son xx


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## lizardbreath

I'm sorry ladies all these men as real pieces of work. I couldn't imagine my girls not seeing their dad. You are all very strong women I give you all a lot of credit


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## lil_mama_415

only good thing is he may not b her father theres a 50%chance


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## Fraggles

I'm another with no contact. Not seen his eldest since 7 months and never met his youngest.


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## Ersurgeongirl

I have some contact, if you can call it that. He likes to threaten me with his new gf saying she will be the perfect step mom... She's a felon! Ugh. Sometimes I wish I had no contact at all


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## MommaAlexis

Have had zero contact since I was nine weeks, he's ignored every message and call.


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## resursval

Ersurgeongirl said:


> I have some contact, if you can call it that. He likes to threaten me with his new gf saying she will be the perfect step mom... She's a felon! Ugh. Sometimes I wish I had no contact at all

What a piece of work she is and what a piece of work he is to use his gf for such purposes as well.


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## Ersurgeongirl

Yep, better off without.


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## Calambria

My husband doesn't ignore my calls, but he doesn't give a shit. Doesn't let me on his insurance, doesn't care what's happening. The last time we spoke I finally just said, it's clear this isn't a priority. You rush me off the phone, you never initiate contact, you don't ask what's going on at my appointments...I sent him ultrasound pics, he apparently doesn't know where they are and never looked. I asked him if he wanted to listen to baby's heartbeat on the doppler, on Skype(he moved out of state), he said it was 'too much hassle'. Asshole. 

Sorry. He infuriates me. I'm still trying to process this. I wanted to wait a couple more years before getting pregnant. He wanted children so much. I don't get it. 

Anyway, I'm done with him. I'm DONE. I don't need him to care about me, but that fool can't seem to separate me from the baby. Or perhaps I'm just an idiot and the whole children thing was one of those things that just "sounded good" to him at the time, until some other shiny toy crossed his path. 

I've never known this hate before. I know anger is important but this is eating away at me.


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## Gunnhilde

Calambria said:


> My husband doesn't ignore my calls, but he doesn't give a shit. Doesn't let me on his insurance, doesn't care what's happening. The last time we spoke I finally just said, it's clear this isn't a priority. You rush me off the phone, you never initiate contact, you don't ask what's going on at my appointments...I sent him ultrasound pics, he apparently doesn't know where they are and never looked. I asked him if he wanted to listen to baby's heartbeat on the doppler, on Skype(he moved out of state), he said it was 'too much hassle'. Asshole.
> 
> Sorry. He infuriates me. I'm still trying to process this. I wanted to wait a couple more years before getting pregnant. He wanted children so much. I don't get it.
> 
> Anyway, I'm done with him. I'm DONE. I don't need him to care about me, but that fool can't seem to separate me from the baby. Or perhaps I'm just an idiot and the whole children thing was one of those things that just "sounded good" to him at the time, until some other shiny toy crossed his path.
> 
> I've never known this hate before. I know anger is important but this is eating away at me.

:hugs: That IS my ex-husband to a tee. Although, I am the one who moved because I couldn't take it anymore.

Not to worry you, but he is still that way now, almost 4 years after our divorce/pregnancy. It took me until my LO was about 9 months old to process that he wasn't ever going to come around.

He'll probably try and blame you as a reason he doesn't want to see the kid or whatever else. Try and realize that it is just him trying to manipulate you and make himself feel better. :hugs: Real men want to see their children, even if they hate their ex-partners.


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## Calambria

Thank you, hun. He is absolutely infuriated with me, has been since the day he left. The amusing part in this whole story is that while he left(and I'm talking left...packed up his stuff on a whim and moved across the country), he called it an 'oops' a few days later and after the issues within our marriage, I said individual + marriage counseling is the only way this is happening again. He's too narcissistic for that. So I'm the bad guy for not accepting him with open arms or whatever goes through his head. 

Sometimes I feel like the idiot. Because I tried to involve him in the pregnancy in whatever way I could even seeing that he's flat out not interested. I wind up hurting myself because I hurt for what my baby might go through later(and no worries, I understand this trend is likely to continue. It's that or he'll fight me tooth and nail to get sole physical custody, like he threatened. He's extreme like that, either direction). 

I am sorry about your ex-husband. It's a pity, the way people can behave. There's just some things I'll never understand(and frankly, I'm glad that I won't). My mom once told me: "Don't worry when you can't understand...Worry when you do."

Thanks for listening to me. :hugs:


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## resursval

Calambria said:



> My husband doesn't ignore my calls, but he doesn't give a shit. Doesn't let me on his insurance, doesn't care what's happening. The last time we spoke I finally just said, it's clear this isn't a priority. You rush me off the phone, you never initiate contact, you don't ask what's going on at my appointments...I sent him ultrasound pics, he apparently doesn't know where they are and never looked. I asked him if he wanted to listen to baby's heartbeat on the doppler, on Skype(he moved out of state), he said it was 'too much hassle'. Asshole.
> 
> Sorry. He infuriates me. I'm still trying to process this. I wanted to wait a couple more years before getting pregnant. He wanted children so much. I don't get it.
> 
> Anyway, I'm done with him. I'm DONE. I don't need him to care about me, but that fool can't seem to separate me from the baby. Or perhaps I'm just an idiot and the whole children thing was one of those things that just "sounded good" to him at the time, until some other shiny toy crossed his path.
> 
> I've never known this hate before. I know anger is important but this is eating away at me.

It's kind of weird that I don't hate my FOB. I just feel sorry for him. Sorry for him that he is not well in his mind, what person that is normal would abandon their own child? And act like a total moron? It has taken me quite a while to come to peace with this (soon 3 years) but I realize he is not well. I still want to understand and I think I do hence the reason I don't think of him so often.
It is normal to feel the way you do. But maybe if you try to understand why he is an asshole that would make you less angry at him because he doesn't sound well either. Sorry for intruding like this and blurting out, just saying what's on my mind really. You need to prioritize you and your baby, which I think you are, that asshole will hopefully one day realize what he has given up and that day noone will want to be in his shoes..


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## Calambria

You're not intruding at all. :hugs:

When I say "I don't want to get it", a better way of explaining that would mean "I don't want to relate to it". I would never want to be so understanding of how his mind works that I could empathize with what he's doing...If that makes sense!

This is still pretty new to me so I've got a road ahead of me in learning to find acceptance. My husband is not well, no. There's just...stuff wrong. I don't know what nor do I want to analyze him because I've been down that road and you can never really come up with answers...And I think that's what I have to accept. That I might not know the whys - And learning how to be ok with not knowing. 

Thanks :)


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## whatwillbe

I can relate to all you ladies, my fob wont be seeing this baby, my choise, he was the one who wanted me to have his baby, he told me practically every week fo months, "i want you to have my baby" and if we had a baby it would be a love child", he even went so far as to pick names ! The last time i saw him i was about 5 weeks preg and havnt seen him since, we had a big argument over his ex, an then he just tells me he's not in a relationship with any 1, i spoke to him about two weeks ago and he's basically saying he never said he wanted a baby with me and that if he did, he didnt mean it, and he's making out i was desperate to have a baby, i already have 3 kids so thats really not true! I think he got back with his ex but doesnt have the balls to tell me :( , i hate him so much right now, and the way i see it, if he cant be botherd to show an interest now, he will not be getting that chance once baby arrives, everything we had together was a lie, and me and my baby dont need some one like him in our lives, sorry to go on and on! I hope all you ladies are doing well, keep strong ! X


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## Surreal

I've had no contact with FOB since ten or so weeks pregnant. He's never met my son, and has never attempted to.

Good riddence, I say... Though, he got his wife to have a baby, which turned out to be a boy, so good chance that's why we don't exist, anymore.


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## Calambria

whatwillbe said:


> I can relate to all you ladies, my fob wont be seeing this baby, my choise, he was the one who wanted me to have his baby, he told me practically every week fo months, "i want you to have my baby" and if we had a baby it would be a love child", he even went so far as to pick names ! The last time i saw him i was about 5 weeks preg and havnt seen him since, we had a big argument over his ex, an then he just tells me he's not in a relationship with any 1, i spoke to him about two weeks ago and he's basically saying he never said he wanted a baby with me and that if he did, he didnt mean it, and he's making out i was desperate to have a baby, i already have 3 kids so thats really not true! I think he got back with his ex but doesnt have the balls to tell me :( , i hate him so much right now, and the way i see it, if he cant be botherd to show an interest now, he will not be getting that chance once baby arrives, everything we had together was a lie, and me and my baby dont need some one like him in our lives, sorry to go on and on! I hope all you ladies are doing well, keep strong ! X

Yes, yes yes. This is what I think causes so much confusion. I'm not saying we all are expected to have perfect reactions to pregnancy - Whether planned or unplanned. But it's certainly not normal by any means to go from "The womb is holy grounds" and lay their hand there every night(yes, this is what my soon to be ex husband did) to complete, sustained indifference and even outright denial once the womb became holier or however he thinks of it.

My guess is these people either say what sounds good at the time without thinking of the reality of the situation and the responsibilities that come along with it. Unfortunate. 

I so understand how you feel, luv. I wish we didn't have to understand each other.


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## teal

Sad there are so many_ men _out there who can just ignore they have a child.


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## resursval

teal said:


> Sad there are so many_ men _out there who can just ignore they have a child.

Actually I feel more fortunate than many women that have a man "by their side"...


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## Ceejay123

Wow, so many men have walked out on their children, I feel awful for you guys. these men have no idea what they're missing out on! My OH has no contact with his ex, but see's his LO through a family member - It was a compromise so that there would still be visitation, but they wouldn't have to speak after a bad breakup. It's working for now, but he hopes to make things better in the future for the LO's sake. 

All of you are strong women doing this alone <3. Well done. x


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## LoLoKate

I dont...he passed away nearly 3 months ago. Prior to passing though, we were an "of&off" couple.
But now I've adjusted to the single-teen-mother life


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## teal

resursval said:


> teal said:
> 
> 
> Sad there are so many_ men _out there who can just ignore they have a child.
> 
> Actually I feel more fortunate than many women that have a man "by their side"...Click to expand...

For me it's not so much the having a man by my side, I've never been one of those women who needs a relationship, it's just worrying about whether or not my son is going to feel he's missed out or how he'll feel when he learns that his father never wanted him. 

Definitely know what you mean about feeling more fortunate, I've seen friends in relationships where their partner does absolutely nothing. I think if you're single at least you don't expect anything. (If that makes sense!) xx


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## jcrhccna1

That would really suck your fob dosnt know what he is missing


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