# September loss thread, TTC our rainbow babies



## late2theparty

Hi ladies,

I haven't been very successful with responses to my posts in the past, but I am really struggling with this loss, and would like to hear how you are all coping and getting through this painful time and when we can start trying again? I lost my first through early MC at 5w,and I am still suffering through it. 

Sending strength and love to you all :kiss:


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## StillPraying

Hi :flower: I'm sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is to get through. I lost my little boy at 15 weeks, delivered him on Aug 21st. :cry: 

Have you had an AF since mc?

Here's to leaning on each other to get our rainbow babies!


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## HelenJane

I lost my baby at 14 weeks and delivered them 2 days ago. Its not fair.
I think i am dealing ok. I do burst out crying randomly still. It has been helping to talk about the baby definitely. 


I dont know when we will try again, to be honest did not even think about it untill i came on here. I can see a lot if people TTC literally straight after a loss, even ones further along than me. I was actually shocked but the more i think about it the more i understand that for some people it helps heal quicker.


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## StillPraying

Helen I'm so sorry for your loss. I delivered at 15 weeks so we are very similar. I think a lot of people go right into ttc because it helps you heal emotionally in a way. I can say from experience that rainbow babies have a way of filling the holes in your heart. But it's different for each person. You'll know when you are ready :flower:


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## late2theparty

I'm so very sorry for your loss, hoping you have your rainbow baby soon!


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## HelenJane

So StillPraying. It was not long after I read these words about people trying so soon after a miscarrage that ...... I have now become one of those!
I thought about it a lot and the more I did the more I realised that it might be something we should think about. As days have gone by we have really just been wanting to be preggo again as scary as it will be.
So we have decided that we will give it a go and hope for the best. 
We are still to have our appointment with the hospital but i hope we hear this week so we can get some questions answered but aside from that we will very much be TTC :)


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## StillPraying

Oh helen thats amazing :hugs: it is scary but in the end will be worth it :) im so excited for you!! did you have any testing done?


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## HelenJane

Yes we chose to have testing done to see if it could tell us why it happened. They said because its never happened before then they might not find a reason.
We are ok with that. We have not heard anything at all yet. 

Yes its so scary to be even thinking about trying really and part of me also feels guilty for wanting to but i think weather we try next week or next year i will still feel the same way, its just natural I suppose.

What has happened has just made us even more determined to add to our family. We will still grieve for what has happened but we hope if we are lucky enough to have another pregnancy and it is successful that the happiness will heal some of the pain.

Did you opt for testing too?


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## StillPraying

I only had testing done on me, they tested for everything from toxoplasmosis to lupus. After delivering him and holding him I just didn't want to know how, just wanted to make sure it wasn't me that caused it or would cause another.


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## HelenJane

Good call. I didn't get that option.
Did you get the results through pretty quickly? We have been waiting 3 weeke now.

Have you had a period yet? I read about a lot of women who say they do not get one. I kind of want one before we start trying but no idea when to expect one.


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## G x

Hi ladies,
Sorry to meet over such sadness. I had my MC on 17ty Sept @ 10+5. Been for scan and given the all clear that everything passed naturally. DH and I and totally devastated as it's something you just never think will happen to yourself. 

After a long chat together & with the midwife agreeing all is safe we are deciding to continue the TTC journey as soon as possible!

The lovely midwife we spoke with today actually recommended it as you are highly fertile in the 1st few months after loss..

Sending you all baby dust & hoping we all get our BFP soon :dust: xx


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## StillPraying

I had an appointment the next week and they had the results back. I think they did the testing on me because I was 15 weeks and my previous pregnancy was pretty rough. 
Yesterday was my 4 week mark but still no AF, but that's pretty common.


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## HelenJane

This is my concern. I dont want to wait for a period that wont arrive ie- for 8 weeks or something. Can i still ovulate in the mean time?

Sounds like from the lady above you dont really need to wait for a period. Thats incredible..
G- good luck to you.


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## G x

HelenJane said:


> This is my concern. I dont want to wait for a period that wont arrive ie- for 8 weeks or something. Can i still ovulate in the mean time?
> 
> Sounds like from the lady above you dont really need to wait for a period. Thats incredible..
> G- good luck to you.

Thank you Helen, i was quite suprised that you didn't have to wait for at least One AF, but the midwife I spoke with said definitely not to wait on anything if we are still wanting to TTC. 

I'm not wanting to speak for all cases I totally understand that everyone if different.

I've still got some period like bleeding ATM, so we are just waiting on that passing and then we will begin the journey again. xx


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## HelenJane

Thats amazing as I thought at least one AF too.
This is making me more excited! Ive stopped bleeding a week a go and my miscarriage was 14 weeks on 1st September.
We have still not heard any news so im going to ring them and chase up our appointment.


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## G x

How is every one doing in there cycle? Is anyone temping or using opk's?.

I fell pregnant the 1st cycle off BC, so we didn't do any charting last time round! Think I'll start chatting once the bleeding finishes & might buy some cheep opk's online & see how I get on with them never tryed them before.

I just got a call from midwife my hgc levels are down to 86 to go back in for another st of blood tomorrow morning to make sure they are still dropping.
She also said that everything from scan is looking great, I had internal exam 2days back womb & ovaries look perfect.

I can't wait until the bleeding stops know to begging trying again, feeling more positive today.xx


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## StillPraying

You can ovulate once your hcg gets to 25 is what I understand, hence no reason to wait for AF :)


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## HelenJane

How will I know if my htg gets to 25?

(We have never temped or charted or use ovulation tests or anything. Just did things the "old fashioned way" lol.) So this is all new to me!


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> You can ovulate once your hcg gets to 25 is what I understand, hence no reason to wait for AF :)

Really that's great to here, I've still got mid/heavy bleeding so as soon as it stops we will on the look out for o'v x


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## G x

HelenJane said:


> How will I know if my htg gets to 25?
> 
> (We have never temped or charted or use ovulation tests or anything. Just did things the "old fashioned way" lol.) So this is all new to me!

I've read that it can take UPTOO 6 weeks for all hormones to go? I'm not sure if it goes but how many weeks you where at time of mc? 

You could always just ask docs to do bloods on you, that was you'd get a clear result.

On a thread I read prev, some people test every few days with cheap pregnancy test until it becomes negative. 

If you have stop bleeding & are feeling ready to start bedding again I would just go with it. xx


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## StillPraying

Yes it can take up to 6 weeks. I just finally got a bfn, just over 4 weeks post delivery. I recommend getting cheapies and test every few days till negative. That way if you get a new bfp youll know its new and not left over hcg.


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## G x

Got more bloods took today & results came back at 29. Just need the bleeding to stop & then we can try out the suggestion that ladies are far more fertile after a loss.xx


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> Yes it can take up to 6 weeks. I just finally got a bfn, just over 4 weeks post delivery. I recommend getting cheapies and test every few days till negative. That way if you get a new bfp youll know its new and not left over hcg.

SP, that's great you've finally got your Negative result, (feels weird saying that's). Are you going to wait any time before trying or just going straight ahead?xx


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## StillPraying

Turns out it wasnt negative. Still getting positives. But i got blood drawn today so we'll see what they say.


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> Turns out it wasnt negative. Still getting positives. But i got blood drawn today so we'll see what they say.

Really, hopefully your blood results are right down thin & you negative is on its way. Are you planning on starting Ttc straight away.

Helen- how are you getting in so with your cycle?

AFM- bleeding almost completely stopped! It's so weird is I never feel like this usually but ( I can't wait to BD)..x


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## StillPraying

We started ttc when the bleeding stopped.


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> We started ttc when the bleeding stopped.

That's my bleeding gone just slighter there when wipe. Today the thing is although I'm really wanting to TTc straight away I'm so scared that the same thing my happen again! Have you been having any feelings like that? I'm trying to stay so positive.

What did your bloods come back as?xx


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## HelenJane

Its been nearly 2 weeks since i stopped bleeding and no sign of period yet. I have been a bit achey and craving chocolate so i might get it soon. Fingers crossed anyway. We are going to start TTC again after its been and gone.

In other news , we still have no results but the memorial service is on Tuesday and we have asked if they can tell us what sex the baby was so we can name them beforehand. 
We were having a girl!!!!


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## StillPraying

AF is here finally after almost 5 weeks post loss.


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## G x

Helen, have you beenTTC within the past 2 weeks? Or have you been holding off until you got a cycle after MC?
That's was lovely that you got to find out sex on baby :pink:. Hope yous have a beautiful memorial service on Tuesday.

Still, so sorry AF got you, you hormone levels must be getting back on track, hopping you get a lovely BFP in October.

AFM, I though my bleeding have completely gone today but it has sneakily came back(spotting really). DH and I are hoping to get some BD'ing in over the weekend just before we start TTC as I'm so scared this cycle! We will try temping & checking CM this cycle.xx


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## StillPraying

G I know the bleeding varies woman to woman but for me the bleeding and spotting went on for almost 3 weeks and it would stop and start go from light to heavy, ugh. Glad they're following your levels down, they didn't do that for me and I kept getting positives it was a nightmare


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## HelenJane

We are holding off TTC untill a period has been and gone.
Thank you G :D

My bleeding did that too after one day but then disappeared again and that was it.


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> G I know the bleeding varies woman to woman but for me the bleeding and spotting went on for almost 3 weeks and it would stop and start go from light to heavy, ugh. Glad they're following your levels down, they didn't do that for me and I kept getting positives it was a nightmare

Aw hopefully it doesn't last to much longer, it's so horrible the spotting is sometime worse that a full bleed.

I took a cheep test today about teatime it was negative, going titre another in the morning.

Are you not due to get anymore blood taken?x


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## G x

HelenJane said:


> We are holding off TTC untill a period has been and gone.
> Thank you G :D
> 
> My bleeding did that too after one day but then disappeared again and that was it.

Your very welcome. Hopefully it will be totally gone soon, just feel so horrible all the time when the spotting is there.x


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## StillPraying

No they shouldn't need to do any since AF showed. I'll test when AF leaves to make sure I get a negative tho


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> No they shouldn't need to do any since AF showed. I'll test when AF leaves to make sure I get a negative tho

Yeah that's a great idea, & least having AF just now lets you know that's everything is ok & your hormones are getting back to where they should be, I'm so hoping that we both get out BFP in October.

If my cycle go straight back to normal & I count MC as start of new cycle which is what midwife suggested then AF would be due around 15th. 

:dust: all round xx


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## StillPraying

I also think I bled longer because I was further along, with my 8 week loss I only bled for a week. With that my o was only a few days later than normal.

Yes I'm glad I no longer have to wonder about the positive tests. New cycle new beginning :)


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## HelenJane

Girls, i just got my period ahhhhhh!


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## G x

HelenJane said:


> Girls, i just got my period ahhhhhh!

So sorry AF got you :hugs:, least you'll be sure that your hormones have returned to normal after MC & you get get you BFP in October. xx


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## G x

Still- How are you feeling?

AFM, currently CD9 due to hopefully OV in around 6 days depending how thing are from MC as I've not waiting on period to come before TTC. I'm feeling like I've relaxed in to this cycle now, I was so anxious a few day back even about BDing.xx


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## HelenJane

Well that was short lived. I am confused. I got a large spot of blood in my underwear so after i showered i put on a pad but its been a few hours now and ive had no more bleeding since that one time?!?!
It was bright red and not like the dark red of a period so i was a bit suspicious but i thought since its my first it might be different??

G, i feel a bit funny about having a period because i dont want one but i do at the same time as we were waiting one cycle before TTC again.


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## StillPraying

This is the worst period ive ever had. I feel so weak.
Not ttc in October as dh said no so we will see :cry:


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## G x

Helen- that's strange, have you been tracking anything since your MC? & have you & DH been BDing? 
I know you said you where planning on waiting until AF but just incase it's implantation?? There's so many stories of people having ov days/week after MC,? 

Still- I'm so sorry DH is not wanting to TTC, ATM I had read that yous had been talking of gender swaying?. I hope things change & you can still be in with a chance of your BFP.

I'm finding it hard to get my DH to open up about the (MC/TTC), he was a great support but with us falling pregnant 1st cycle we didn't actually talk of TTC, now after the loss I'm all cycles, charts, CM, when to BD, ECT.& I think it just scare's men slightly!!xx


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## StillPraying

Helen AF showed up bright red for me, not the normal darker color. It's stayed bright red too. Has it picked up at all or truly go away?

G I've never really told dh about anything ttc related. I just ask if he wants to try and then jump him when I need to lol but he's saying no for now so I just have to let it go. He was interested in the gender sway though so that gives me hope that it won't be forever.


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## G x

Still- so sorry, hoping DH has a change of heart. Are you going with NTNP? 

Helen - how thing with you? Anymore AF?
 
AFM- feeling a little crampy today & have a strange pain in my right breast?? I did have a little brown in my CM while checking. I feel like I'm possible still spotting although nothing there when wiping.xx


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## HelenJane

StillPraying- the blood was bright red and literqlly like a few drops worth I would say. The "spot" was golf ball size. And thats it. Even still now, there is not even a sign of a period and nothing upon wiping. 
Its very strange. Is it possible it was a 1 day period? It doesn't make sense!


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## StillPraying

Helen no I wouldn't call it a period if it was just one time. Do you know if you've ovulated yet?


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## HelenJane

No idea. I dont use ovulation tests at all and i was not sure when i was "supposed" to get a period so im just waiting but the doctor on Tuesday says i should be expecting one any day now. I think they use the date u miscarried as a date to go from if that makes sense. So its not far off 4 weeks as I miscarried on September 1st.


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## G x

HelenJane said:


> No idea. I dont use ovulation tests at all and i was not sure when i was "supposed" to get a period so im just waiting but the doctor on Tuesday says i should be expecting one any day now. I think they use the date u miscarried as a date to go from if that makes sense. So its not far off 4 weeks as I miscarried on September 1st.

Helen, do you think it was maybe implantation bleed you've had? I know you said your weren't TTC but it sound so like implantation esp with you have noting at all since?xx


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## HelenJane

No definitely not


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## StillPraying

My af didn't show up until almost 5 weeks post mc. And I did have a lot of random spotting so maybe af will be coming soon :hugs:


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## HelenJane

Thanks. Got her memorial service today so dont want it to come soon! Did u have a memorial service for Luke?
Its arranged by the hospital for all the lost babies and their names get read out at the service.


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## G x

Helen - hope all went well at the memorial service today, been thinks of yous :hugs: xx


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## StillPraying

Helen I hope the service went well and brought you some comfort :hugs: we didn't have that for Luke but we had him cremated.


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## HelenJane

Aww thanks for thinking of me! Thats really nice. 
StillPraying did you keep the ashes?

Still no sign of period. Due back in work next week. Not looking forward to that if my period shows up. Next week will be my 5th week since MC and Still, i know yours showed up so fingers crossed. 
I don't *want* my period i just want to know my body is back to normal.


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## StillPraying

Yes we kept them, we were thinking of maybe planting a tree with them, but for now theyre in a pretty ceramic box.
Having AF finally show up was a relief that it was finally over, but also emotional because it hit home that i really am not pregnant anymore


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## HelenJane

I think that will be the same for me too.
So i had another "1 day period" yesterday. I notice both times it has happened i had walked more than usual. Im due at the doctors on 5th but a bit worried and maybe i should try and make an earlier appointment? I really don't know why this is happening. But like you said, you had lots of random spotting so idk


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## HelenJane

Girls, how are you getting on??
My period came


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## G x

Hi 

Helen- I'm so glad AF eventually showed, that way you can get her out the way & get started with TTC. :dust:

AFM- I've either O'd today or it's hopefully just about to happen, just waiting on my temp shooting up, been having ov type cramps on left side past 2/3 days with watery/EWCM. I'll be continuing to BD until O has been confirmed. (Poor DH lol..)

I hope everyone else is keeping well xx


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## G x

Hi 

Helen- I'm so glad AF eventually showed, that way you can get her out the way & get started with TTC. :dust:

AFM- I've either O'd today or it's hopefully just about to happen, just waiting on my temp shooting up, been having ov type cramps on left side past 2/3 days with watery/EWCM. I'll be continuing to BD until O has been confirmed. (Poor DH lol..)

I hope everyone else is keeping well xx


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## StillPraying

Helen glad AF showed for you. I'm going on 12 days of AF. *sigh*.


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## HelenJane

Oh no! What do you think that could be? Are you going to see the doctor? Has it stopped now?

Mine has stopped which means we can make a start on baby making....BUT... I think Im actually scared of trying again. Did you feel this way? I am scares of getting pregnant and loosing the baby all over again. Especially since its only been 5 weeks since our loss.


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## StillPraying

I saw the dr yesterday. It's not AF. It's secondary bleeding from mc. I havent ovulated due to stress so no real af. Just bleeding. :( 

I definitely have been through that fear. My first mc was at 8bweeks and after that I freaked and didn't want to try again for almost a year, but dd2 is what really healed me from that loss, so this time I know that another rainbow will help me heal. The fear doesn't go away, but with each milestone it eases a little bit. There's no harm in waiting until you feel a little braver as well. The fact of it being so recent does make it more frightening.


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## HelenJane

Thats true. I think i will be scared if it happened next week or next year. Just gotta do it i suppose and hope for the best!
Awww no sorry about that, do you know how long it will last? Isnt it strange how our bodies work. Lets hope this is the last time eh and doesn't last too long.


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## StillPraying

Well im starting supplements to see if that will help me regulate. Dr offered bc to help and i wad like uh no thanks lol me and bc do not get along lol


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## HelenJane

So i had my period as i said and it stopped after 5 days which is normal. But after a few days i have had a bit more bleeding. What do you think thats about?


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## StillPraying

Mc messes up your cycles. I read the miscarriage myths and facts page in the mc support section and it was super helpful. They have a whole page about af and different ways it can show up etc


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## G x

Hi ladies, sorry not been on I a while, been redecorating the house trying to take my mind off things as my heads still in total over drive.. 

Still, sorry AF is still causing you problems, hopefully the sup help with that & your able to start trying again.

Helen, I've also read that AF after MC can be a hit/miss with the prolonged spotting & feeling like AF if coming back. I hope it goes soon & you can start TTC.

AFM, well I'm ''4 dpo'' but I really don't know if I eve over this cycle? I did get some cramping ov like pains & 8 had EWCM... but my temps are not rising like they have prev? So I'm a little confused. Just need to wait until AF is due to see for sure x


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## EBAUERHAUS

I found out I was pregnant September 5th, 
started spotting on September 10 (5 weeks),
started bleeding on September 16 (5 wk, 6 d).

It's been almost a month now. Honestly, I was hoping just to immediately get pregnant again so I don't have to go through the first period after miscarriage (I didn't have a D&C), but I don't think I have. 

I just feel a little jipped right, now. And, I guess I needed somewhere to share. 
It was my first pregnancy. We weren't trying, but we weren't preventing. My sister-in-law is also pregnant with her first, we were just a month behind her. 

Anyway, I'm hopeful that maybe it'll happen next month since we'll be actually trying to conceive at that point. 

I wanted to say hello and participate since I've been stalking the forums for a bit.
I'm sorry for all of your losses - I hate that I had to actually go through it to really understand what it feels like emotionally, but I guess I had to.


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## StillPraying

Welcome Ebauerhaus! Sorry for your loss and that you've had to experience the pain of mc. My first pregnancy was a MC, but I have 2 dds now so don't lose hope:flower:

G was anything going on that could have thrown your Temps off? Ewcm is a good sign tho! I'm sure you've said but have you had an af since your loss?


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## G x

Welcome Ebauerhaus, sorry for your loss :hugs:, hope to see you get your BFP soon :dust:xx


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> G was anything going on that could have thrown your Temps off? Ewcm is a good sign tho! I'm sure you've said but have you had an af since your loss?

No not that I can think of, the do indicate that I have O'd but I guess I'm just really worried, incase I haven't? Would my temp rise if I didn't O? 

No I've not had any AF since MC I bleed from 15/9 - 21/9 then 4/5 days mild spotting xx


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## StillPraying

I read that mc can throw off ovulation too so it may come later or sooner than it normally does. My OB seems to believe my irregular bleeding meant no O for me last cycle. How long did you bleed after your loss?


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## EBAUERHAUS

Thanks, ladies. 
I won't lose hope!


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> I read that mc can throw off ovulation too so it may come later or sooner than it normally does. My OB seems to believe my irregular bleeding meant no O for me last cycle. How long did you bleed after your loss?

Yes I also read that, I had 7 days of bleeding during MC then4/5 days of mild spotting.

I'm not holding up much hope for this cycle ATM just awaiting AF, if I did o late when my temp went up a little to give me cross on FF then AF would be due 20th so if nothing I may test 21st x


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## StillPraying

Keeping my fx for you G! 

Who is first to test this month? I got a positive opk last night so I'm already out since no bd lol


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> Keeping my fx for you G!
> 
> Who is first to test this month? I got a positive opk last night so I'm already out since no bd lol

Thanks still, I love for all us to get out BFP soon.

I hope you still BD, you could still be in with chance. Sperm can live up to 5 days, plus you may have Od 24/48 hours after positive?

Stay positive x


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## StillPraying

I got a veery positive opk today so I'm hoping we'll dtd tonight but we shall see. He's very stressed and cranky at the moment lol


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> I got a veery positive opk today so I'm hoping we'll dtd tonight but we shall see. He's very stressed and cranky at the moment lol

FX'd you've managed to get some bedding in around your positive opks


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## StillPraying

Good Morning Ladies :coffee:

How is everyone? Who all is in the TWW?

We did BD last night so fx on the hope one is all it takes! :thumbup:


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> Good Morning Ladies :coffee:
> 
> How is everyone? Who all is in the TWW?
> 
> We did BD last night so fx on the hope one is all it takes! :thumbup:

Still, glad you a DH managed to get some BD in with your positive, they do say it only takes the one time. X


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## G x

Hi ladies, how is everyone keeping?

AFM - currently 6 dpo, and although I'm trying to not symptom spot or even think about things I can't help myself.
So I had a temp dip under my line on FF, so I as usual went straight to 'dr google'. And read that it can still go either way it could be implantation.
I'm also feeling a little nausea today & Ive got horrible restless legs, I had terrible restless legs when I was around 7 weeks preg last times.

I'm currently keeping everything crossed, but not getting my hopes to high xx


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## StillPraying

G I had all of my pregnancy symptoms come back post MC, but I never got a negative test. Did they follow your levels back down to zero? I'm sure you said, sorry, I just cant remember.


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> G I had all of my pregnancy symptoms come back post MC, but I never got a negative test. Did they follow your levels back down to zero? I'm sure you said, sorry, I just cant remember.

Yeah I got my blood levels checked twice the last time was saptember 21st and they where 29, I was told to take preg test a week later & if positive to call back, the test was negative so didn't call. 
I'm in the UK and they are happy to discharge you with levels 25/30 as long as you've had bloods previously & that can see they have already dropped. 
So my last lot of bloods was 4weeks ago.x


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## StillPraying

So hopefully the symptoms you are having now are symptoms of a new pregnancy? How do you track O? I know just going by signs and CP post mc can be misleading because your body is all over the map.


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> So hopefully the symptoms you are having now are symptoms of a new pregnancy? How do you track O? I know just going by signs and CP post mc can be misleading because your body is all over the map.

I didn't use Opks this cycle as it's just the 1st after MC, I've just been temping & checking CP & CM the days I got the ewcm I also got cramping in my ovary, like I've pain I've had that before.

Ano fingers crossed I'm trying to stay level headed x


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## StillPraying

Are you going to test again?


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> Are you going to test again?

I'm currently only 7dpo, so I didn't have any plans on testing but had a family meal on Sunday so I'll test in morning just to see if anything shows I'll be 10 dpo then so still super early.

When are you planning on testing?x


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## StillPraying

Well I'm only 1dpo and thinking AF will show possibly on the 27th. If no show I'll test on Halloween:)


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## G x

StillPraying said:


> Well I'm only 1dpo and thinking AF will show possibly on the 27th. If no show I'll test on Halloween:)

Fingers cross we both get our BFP. :dust: x


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## glovities

I had an early miscarriage at 5 w 5 d. I had bloodwork done again today and will get results tomorrow (hopefully) to see if I am back to zero. But, I am hoping that I get pregnant again during this cycle. My cycles are usually 30 days so if I count MC as day 1 then I expect AF on Oct 24. Of course, I think my boobs are sore and that I am peeing alot more, but might just be imagining those things! Good luck to all!


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## G x

glovities said:


> I had an early miscarriage at 5 w 5 d. I had bloodwork done again today and will get results tomorrow (hopefully) to see if I am back to zero. But, I am hoping that I get pregnant again during this cycle. My cycles are usually 30 days so if I count MC as day 1 then I expect AF on Oct 24. Of course, I think my boobs are sore and that I am peeing alot more, but might just be imagining those things! Good luck to all!

Welcome Glovities, sorry for your loss:hugs: hope you get yourBFP soon :dust:x


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## Myshelsong

I haven't completely finished reading everyone's stories, but I wanted to share my story. I didn't know there was this group on B&B but I am glad I found it.

On September 24 I delivered our son after finding out the day prior during a regular ultrasound that he had no heartbeat. It was the worst day of my life, and every day since has been a little bit better but still horrible. 

We are talking about trying again, but since this pregnancy was five years in the making and an IVF Miracle it isn't going to be easy. Thankfully we have some frozen embryos that we are hoping will thaw correctly for us. We are seeing the clinic in December and will hopefully start in January. The waiting game is horrible!

I am just having a really hard time with the unknowns, the grief, the calls from people checking on me, the fear that it will happen again... everything really.
Thankfully my husband has been a great support and is in this with me 100%

I hope that we can all find strength together.
So sorry for all of your losses. All the love to our little angel babies.


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## StillPraying

Welcome glovites and myshel! Im sorry you have both gone through the horror that mc causes.


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## G x

Myshelsong said:


> I haven't completely finished reading everyone's stories, but I wanted to share my story. I didn't know there was this group on B&B but I am glad I found it.
> 
> On September 24 I delivered our son after finding out the day prior during a regular ultrasound that he had no heartbeat. It was the worst day of my life, and every day since has been a little bit better but still horrible.
> 
> We are talking about trying again, but since this pregnancy was five years in the making and an IVF Miracle it isn't going to be easy. Thankfully we have some frozen embryos that we are hoping will thaw correctly for us. We are seeing the clinic in December and will hopefully start in January. The waiting game is horrible!
> 
> I am just having a really hard time with the unknowns, the grief, the calls from people checking on me, the fear that it will happen again... everything really.
> Thankfully my husband has been a great support and is in this with me 100%
> 
> I hope that we can all find strength together.
> So sorry for all of your losses. All the love to our little angel babies.

Welcome Myshelsong, so sorry for your loss, wishing you all the pic for December, and hoping you get your BFP soon :dust:x


----------



## G x

Hi ladies, how's everyone? Where are yous all at in your cycle?

AFM- I'm currently 9 dpo & woke to a huge temp rise, the highest my temps been this cycle, so I'm hoping thats a good sign.
I also felt rather sick when I got up which didn't come to anything, 
I've got a slight cramp nothing to extreme. 

:dust: x


----------



## StillPraying

3dpo....nothing to report really. Had some nausea last night and just my left breast hurt :wacko:


----------



## G x

Still- hope your symptoms get stoned rover the next few days.

Well I caved 9dpo & tested about 3pm with no hold, of course BFN, totally expected it but I was still so disappointed x


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## StillPraying

Sorry for bfn G, ive been talking myself out of testing early every day!


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## Myshelsong

I am still hanging around waiting for my period to start.

From what I have read some people don't ovulate first month after their mc, but it is not everyone so although I am hoping to be intimate (without crying) I am not going to try to symptom spot or anything. Although the likely hood of us conceiving naturally is about 0% 
Feeling excited about the fertility appointment, just hope they can get us earlier than December.


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## StillPraying

Myshel i delivered at 15 weeks, and didn't ovulate until almost 8 weeks later. I have not had an actual AF post mc. If you don't mind me asking, what prevents you from conceiving naturally?


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## Myshelsong

I don't mind telling, I have shared it on my journal before. Unfortunately we have Severe male factor infertility. We have low numbers, high abnormal and high fragmentation. So unless something crazy miraculous happened over the last few months while I was pregnant and hubs numbers got better it is probably not going to happen naturally. But we are going to try anyways, and if not will do a frozen egg transfer.


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## StillPraying

Are you going to try any natural supplements to help?


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## Myshelsong

We have tried a few different ones, some subscribed some not, and it did make a very small difference on the fragmentation. Unfortunately with fragmentation if it is genetic vrs environmental they have no effect really. So we are thinking it might be genetic, but who knows.

If anyone has any suggestions we are open to it for sure.


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## StillPraying

What have you tried? There's no way for them to see if it's genetic or not?


----------



## Myshelsong

Nope, fragmentation is relatively newish. But we are still going to try, getting hubby to quit sugar, eat cleaner, excersize once a day, drink lots of water, turn the heat down on his showers.

We have done CoQ10, C, E, B, Folic ... ah ... can't remember the rest tbh 
Fertility Aid's Motility boost, count boost and for men

My emotions are still all over the place so I feel like my af is going to take forever to get here! But on the plus side give me time to focus on getting healthier and hubs getting healthier.


----------



## glovities

G x said:


> Hi ladies, how's everyone? Where are yous all at in your cycle?
> 
> AFM- I'm currently 9 dpo & woke to a huge temp rise, the highest my temps been this cycle, so I'm hoping thats a good sign.
> I also felt rather sick when I got up which didn't come to anything,
> I've got a slight cramp nothing to extreme.
> 
> :dust: x

I dont do OPKs so idk if i Oed or not but I am considering this my Tww. TeI expect AF 10/23, so I will probably start testing tomorrow. My boobs feel like they might explode so I am taking that as a good sign.


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## StillPraying

pretty sure I'm 7 or 8 DPO. I got a faint line on a test yesterday but I tested again this am with FMU and the line was barely there so now I'm not so sure.


----------



## HelenJane

do you ladies mind me asking, how often do you have sex?


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## StillPraying

At least once a week normally. But its been weird since the loss.


----------



## Sweetkat

HelenJane do you mind me asking what your OH's fragmentation is? Mine has 44% and we have had 3 losses in a row (all natural conception). He has now given up the medication that is likely causing this and waiting for fragmentation results.

Did you have ICSI or normal IVF? Can they select the least fragmented or non fragmented sperm? OH also taking supplements but last two results both 44% and no change :(


----------



## Myshelsong

His fragmentation was at 45% and with vitamins, no sugar, 10 glasses of water a day it went down too 25% - So we tried two more IUI's before moving onto IVF 

We ended up doing the icsi IVF, they washed the sperm and dyed them or something to find the non fragmented ones I think. Out of 12 follicles we had, four made it through the process from implanting the sperm to germination.


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## Sweetkat

Thank you so much for your reply. Could you not get pregnant with the 25%? What's weird is that I am getting pregnant first month every time so literally at the drop of a hat, but MMCs at 8 weeks and another at 7 weeks and trisomy 21 at nearly 11 weeks.

We also have a DD, DH gave up the medication for 11 months before she was conceived although I don't know what his fragmentation was then - we didn't test it.

Can I ask why no sugar?? And the water?

This fragmentation and the MMCs are literally all I think about :( if IVF could get me pregnant and keep me pregnant I would do it.


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## Myshelsong

I am so sorry about your multiple losses that is horrible. Have you been prescribed progesterone? 
I am sure your doctor is doing everything that they can do but if not it might be a thing to talk with your dr about if you haven't already. 

Because of his motility and abnormal forms on top of the fragmentation, they are not making it too my tubes to do any natural fertilization. Technically 25% is boarder line ok, but with all the other issues it makes it so much harder. So if we can get the numbers up, forms better and good motility we might have a chance!

The water is to change the viscosity of his sperm, the natural liquid with it was thick so we were thinking increase volume of water will increase the liquid and overall health of the sperm.
Sugar is horrible overal for you and my hubs is a crazy sugar addict, sothat is really just him trying to eat better. Not sure if it co-ordinates with anything sperm related, but it can't hurt.


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## Sweetkat

So results are in - fragmentation is now 52% and very poor sperm integrity. He also has 6% morphology so all not good.

I don't think progesterone will help because last two losses were chromosomal. Second loss had enlarged yolk sack which is indicator of chromosomal issues and also didn't develop beyond 3-4 week. Last loss was Down's (although that apparently has nothing to do with his sperm issues a and was random). 

With first one I don't know if it was definitely chromosomal but I suspect it was.

Thinking of going to donor sperm... We had karyotyping done and it's not karyotype issues ...


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## Myshelsong

You could do super donor, or do icsi IVF and have the embryos genetically tested for any issues. 
This does cost a fair bit, but will confirm they are implanting good quality embryos.

Sorry the test came back even worse, what vitamins did they have him on?


----------



## StillPraying

I wish I could contribute useful information but this is out of my area of knowledge. I do feel like I'm learning quite a bit here lol

Are sperm donors expensive?


----------



## HelenJane

StillPraying said:


> At least once a week normally. But its been weird since the loss.

Thanks for replying Still. We have only done it once and i feel like i cant join in with "im that dpo" and things as i dont feel we do it enough to warrent it. :(

PS i also feel im learning a lot in this convo!


----------



## HelenJane

SweetKat I have no idea. This was my first loss so i was shocked when it happened plus i was 14 weeks too and nothing picked up on the scan or bloods etc. We have had no results yet and I am anxious.


----------



## Sweetkat

Thank you for your replies ladies.

I knew nothing about fragmentation until I started exploring it myself. Apparently it's quite common and even the background 20% risk of MC at age 20-30 is also partially due to that because even healthy men could have 15% fragmentation.

Sperm donors aren't expensive per se, but to then do an IUI with their sperm is around 2k a time. Considering it's like natural conception except they insert the sperm instead of having intercourse then it could take 12 tries in theory :(

My OH is saying let's wait until end of year before we go down donor route but I am really annoyed with him. We have been together 8 years, first 3 years he didn't want kids as has 2 from previous relationship, then he said he did but we had to wait while he gave up medication (a year). Then we had DD (who is now 3) and for the last year all I have had is MMCs.

I am now 36 and don't want to wait indefinitely for sth that might or might not improve. Plus if he hadn't wasted those first 3 years we might already have 3 kids :(


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## Sweetkat

HelenJane said:


> SweetKat I have no idea. This was my first loss so i was shocked when it happened plus i was 14 weeks too and nothing picked up on the scan or bloods etc. We have had no results yet and I am anxious.

Sorry for your loss. If it's a first time and you have 2 children already it might just be random bad luck? Hope you get answers soon.

It's hard going through MCs and never knowing 100% what caused it :(


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## Sweetkat

Ok so my options as I see them

- keep trying with high fragmentation
- wait for fragmentation to improve - problem is it changes daily and there is a 2 week gap between the test and the result
- DH to take antioxidants and proxeed - so far 2 months of this has led to 8% increase from 44% to 52%
- try Chinese herbal medicine which claims to cure fragmentation
-try ICSI (although apparently they can't pre-test sperm for fragmentation)
- try IUI with donor sperm

I am torn :(


----------



## G x

Hi ladies, & welcome to the new ladies,
Sorry not posted in a bit hope
Everyone is keeping well. 

Well today @ 14dpo the witch arrived, I feel so down I think I had my self on such a high as I had actually ovulated & we BD at the right times that I just stupidly thought for sure if wee that BFP.. but it wasn't to be this cycle.x

:dust:


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## G x

HelenJane said:


> do you ladies mind me asking, how often do you have sex?

Helen- roughly twice per week, we do try bed a bit around the time I was getting the good CM x


----------



## Myshelsong

Sweetkat said:


> Ok so my options as I see them
> 
> - keep trying with high fragmentation
> - wait for fragmentation to improve - problem is it changes daily and there is a 2 week gap between the test and the result
> - DH to take antioxidants and proxeed - so far 2 months of this has led to 8% increase from 44% to 52%
> - try Chinese herbal medicine which claims to cure fragmentation
> -try ICSI (although apparently they can't pre-test sperm for fragmentation)
> - try IUI with donor sperm
> 
> I am torn :(

Sorry Hun, I know how it feels with impossible decisions. 
That is weird that it went up with the antioxidants... what amounts was he on of what? There are so many different theories and thoughts of treatment with fragmentation.


----------



## Sweetkat

Myshelsong said:


> Sweetkat said:
> 
> 
> Ok so my options as I see them
> 
> - keep trying with high fragmentation
> - wait for fragmentation to improve - problem is it changes daily and there is a 2 week gap between the test and the result
> - DH to take antioxidants and proxeed - so far 2 months of this has led to 8% increase from 44% to 52%
> - try Chinese herbal medicine which claims to cure fragmentation
> -try ICSI (although apparently they can't pre-test sperm for fragmentation)
> - try IUI with donor sperm
> 
> I am torn :(
> 
> Sorry Hun, I know how it feels with impossible decisions.
> That is weird that it went up with the antioxidants... what amounts was he on of what? There are so many different theories and thoughts of treatment with fragmentation.Click to expand...

So he was one 1g vitamin E and C and on proxeed. Month one it stayed 44%. Month 2 52%.

Obviously I don't really want a baby with a sperm donor, but the prospect of another miscarriage is too much and it is very likely as things stand :(

Chinese medicine for £3k seems like a waste. Waiting seems like time is running out (am 36). 

Sigh sigh sigh


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## HelenJane

SweetKat, i know its difficult the "what ifs" and "if he hadnt done this". Hindsight. You may also be in the same position even if you did things a different way. So just try to think like that. It may help.

Also regarding your decisions, i know you have many and it could be a good idea to do a pro and con list about each and eliminate them like that untill you have a lesser number where you can make a decision. I just say follow your instinct. Look at the list with fresh eyes and see which one you gravitate towards immediately. Thats the one to go for.


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## Sweetkat

HelenJane said:


> SweetKat, i know its difficult the "what ifs" and "if he hadnt done this". Hindsight. You may also be in the same position even if you did things a different way. So just try to think like that. It may help.
> 
> Also regarding your decisions, i know you have many and it could be a good idea to do a pro and con list about each and eliminate them like that untill you have a lesser number where you can make a decision. I just say follow your instinct. Look at the list with fresh eyes and see which one you gravitate towards immediately. Thats the one to go for.

Thank you so much for your reply. I know that no amount of what ifs will change anything and that things could have been the same or worse. We do have a healthy DD and I am grateful for that.

At the moment I am almost certain will go for donor IUI. OH isn't thrilled BUT he has 3 kids (two from a previous relationship and before he had arthritis and had to take medication). He has no incentive to have more kids and obviously it will be a bit embarrassing/ tricky admitting he couldn't give me a baby; but at this stage I don't care. 

I am desperate for a second baby and having donor IUI from a young man (quite a few on the donor register are university students) at least brings my MC risk to 25%, with OH it's 50% or more!!

Being 36 and with 3 MMCs and a D&C I at least want to maximise my chance of a healthy baby by using a donor. Not ideal, of course, but being pregnant and knowing every minute of every day that there is a 50% chance of miscarriage is sh*t!!!


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## Myshelsong

If your DH will be fine with a sperm donor than I say do it if it feels right.

My hubs and I thought about it, and at one point said if the IVF didn't work we would consider it. He said he would be fine with donor, but I am the one on the fence. 

We have our first doctors appointment in a few hours, I am trying not to freak out too much. Hoping for some answers but not expecting much. Trying not to get my hopes up.


----------



## Sweetkat

Myshelsong said:


> If your DH will be fine with a sperm donor than I say do it if it feels right.
> 
> My hubs and I thought about it, and at one point said if the IVF didn't work we would consider it. He said he would be fine with donor, but I am the one on the fence.
> 
> We have our first doctors appointment in a few hours, I am trying not to freak out too much. Hoping for some answers but not expecting much. Trying not to get my hopes up.

Good luck. With us we got reasons for what didn't cause the losses but no definite reason for the causes (we went to the best private specialists in London and £3k later not really any the wiser).

OH doesn't want me to get pregnant with donor sperm, but he hasn't got a leg to stand on as he wasted 4 years of my life telling me he didn't want more children!!


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## MorgansMom09

Hi Ladies, 
I lost my first son at 38weeks on Sept 11 due to a double nuchal and a true cord knot. My husband and I just held his memorial service this Saturday and get the all clear to try again Friday. My AF however decided to add to my misery by showing up last Thursday. However in the effort to stay positive I know this means my hormones are back on track. 

My younger sister was pregnant and only due 2 weeks after I was and she recently had her baby. I've been learning to cope but it's really hard. I'm so ready to try again. Because I feel like I made it so close only to have everything ripped from me. Coming home to the fully set up nursery was the worst. I've been looking for a forum to join where the women were supportive and you all seemed all right to me. 

I'm wishing everyone good luck in TTC.


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## StillPraying

Welcome morgan :hugs: i am truly so sorry for what you have gone through. I don't have the words to even try to explain how much my heart aches for you. Youre in good company here and im wishing you a ton of :dust:


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## HelenJane

Wow morgan that is so sad. You sound like your coping amazingly. I am so sorry for your loss too and welcome to this site. Its very helpful for finding people with the same feelings and who have been through the same thing. Life is so cruel. Good luck for trying again, you are very brave.

My 2nd period showed up bang on time so this is good news my body has gone back to normal but I am so ready to have another baby now. Its been tough this past week. Seeing babies and hearing news of new pregnancies. But also enjoying Halloween celebrations and whats to come knowing my baby will never be able too, its so sad :( :(

And if i hear one more person say "well you've already got two". I will have a breakdown


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## Myshelsong

I am so sorry for your loss Morgan, I have no idea how you are coping with your sisters birth.

I am having such a hard time this week, it was my birthday on Friday and we tried to have a weekend away but we were surrounded by families and it was so hard to be positive. Still waiting for af to show, maybe it will rear its ugly head soon so I can move onto the next phase. The waiting game is so horrid.


----------



## StillPraying

Happy Halloween ladies!


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## MorgansMom09

Happy Halloween tho to be honest I would be happier if I was spending it with my son. We had planted a memorial garden for him so I at least got to put out a pumpkin for him.
Myshelsong, happy birthday! And a family away trip sounds like a good idea. Me and the hubby are taking one this weekend and going away to Colorado springs for a week. I just needed to be a little further from my sister for a bit and let the rest of my family bond over her new baby without them getting worried about upsetting me. I'm also keeping my fingers crossed that I come back pregnant. But I don't want to get my hopes up too much. At least all the sex is fun. I missed being able to be close to my husband without a huge belly in the way.


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## Myshelsong

Happy Halloween!
I hope everyone's night was pleasant. This is normally my fav holiday because my bday is so close, but this year was really low key. No pumpkin, no makeup, but I did decorate outside with a few things. I am glad that I didn't buy the pregnancy costume I was thinking of getting. No tears handing out candy so that is one thing!

Morgan hope you are having a good trip in Colorado. Ours was pretty good, but we had some up and down times which we expected. One step at a time.

Helen - I can't believe people would say that you already have two. What As$hats!! Glad that your cycle seems regular already, that is a good thing to hear. Big hugs

Right now I am still waiting for af to arrive. Think it might be soon, my emotions are starting to comeback to normal (with some extremes) but my numbness is gone for the most part. I really am dreading this but want this to make sure my body is responding correctly. I want to be pregnant again!


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## HelenJane

My AF came back 5 weeks after i had my daughter with some random spotting days leading up to it. But after it there has been no issues. I hope its the same for you.
Some days i also feel numb and as each day goes by sometimes it just hits me that it's actually real and i can't believe what happened. Its too much for my soul to comprehend. I miss my baby so much and want to wake up from this nightmare but thats never going to happen.
I heard a quote recently about greif. It said:
"Grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

And that's what we will be doing for the rest of our lives.


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## StillPraying

:hugs: ladies :hugs:

Where is everyone in their cycles?


----------



## HelenJane

We are going to get on the baby making boat full force from tomorrow! Eeek its scary and exciting all at once


----------



## Myshelsong

So my cycle started today five weeks and four days after I delivered my baby boy.
I don't know how to feel, I don't know how I am feeling right now. I am glad that my body is "working" and that there is a chance we can get pregnant again, but at the same time I ache knowing that he is really and truly gone. There is no more of him or my hormones that sustained him left in my body. 
I knew this would happen, I knew it would bring up emotions but I am just having a hard time processing them right now.

Helen that was a great quote and very true. Good luck on baby making month!!

Hey stillpraying- how are you holding up? I am seeing a chemical on your signature are you Ok? Big hugs


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## MorgansMom09

Hi all, 
Man have I got baby fever bad today. Like really bad, my sister came to visit today with the new baby which was nice and I'm doing really well with her, but I think it just made me want a child more. I should say a live child, I miss my son terribly especially when my sister visits. I read him a story today at least, it was a nice morning with his garden. 
Still praying, as far as cycles go today is supposedly an ovulation day. But I doubt I'll be having sex. Hubby worked both jobs today so was gone at 7am and won't be home till 11pm. 
We had decided originally not to track anything and just have sex and if anything happens it happens, but I really want a baby. So I downloaded an app that tracks your period but also suggest your ovulation day.

I'm also super eager (like more than normal, has anyone else felt this at all?!) so im worried he will think I just want him for his sperm and not because my mind is like a teenager who just discovered sex. I mean honestly it's both, but sometimes it's hard to tell. Sorry if my posts seem to get a bit rambly, this is one of the few places I can openly vent and it's been really helpful.


----------



## HelenJane

Me too morgan. I do sometimes feel awful like im using him for his sperm lol! He does feel the same though as he wants more children. 


I have to say ladies i am still having a super tough time grieving. I had a massive cry tonight and for the first time in 2 months since it happened, i got her box out and cried even harder hugging her and telling her how much she is loved.

I didn't expect to be even more emotional 2 months on but its just hitting me hard what with others pregnancy announcements and celebrations in general this time of year. Im just so heartbroken :(
I will continue to greive but as Stillpraying said to me all those weeks ago, the only way to properly heal is to have my rainbow baby and now i know that is true more than ever. As nothing compares to that feeling you get knowing or finding out your pregnant


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## StillPraying

Morgan I think maybe just not telling him about O day so as not to make him feel that way. I've made the mistake of telling DH before and I could tell he wasn't completely into the bding that night :nope:

Myshel I'm glad your body is going back to "normal" but I know what you mean about feeling like it really is over. It's like a very physical slap in the face that your baby is gone. I felt the same way. 

Helen how did the force of baby making go? :haha:

AFM yes I had a chemical last month. very disappointing. At the same time, I had 2 females at work come to me and tell me they accidentally got pregnant (ACCIDENTALLY?!) and neither of them are in a stable relationship. so I've been struggling to stay positive. I also have a dreadful cold and my voice is gone. But AF is gone now so on to OPKs.


----------



## MorgansMom09

HelenJane said:


> Me too morgan. I do sometimes feel awful like im using him for his sperm lol! He does feel the same though as he wants more children.
> 
> 
> I have to say ladies i am still having a super tough time grieving. I had a massive cry tonight and for the first time in 2 months since it happened, i got her box out and cried even harder hugging her and telling her how much she is loved.
> 
> I didn't expect to be even more emotional 2 months on but its just hitting me hard what with others pregnancy announcements and celebrations in general this time of year. Im just so heartbroken :(
> I will continue to greive but as Stillpraying said to me all those weeks ago, the only way to properly heal is to have my rainbow baby and now i know that is true more than ever. As nothing compares to that feeling you get knowing or finding out your pregnant

Helen I'm sorry to hear that today was rough. I'll let you in on my secret. Those first few days and weeks even, I set aside time to mourn everyday. Sometimes it was only for a min other times it was for up to two hours. I said anything I wanted to no matter how ugly or mean or unloving it sounded, but I also had nice days too where I talked about everything I had wanted for Morgan (that was my son's name btw Morgan Adams McCully, mines Nicole) and how I know he at least lived only knowing love. 
Now almost 2 months out I still cry, but not everyday and I still think about everything I wanted for him but I also focus on what I want in life for his future siblings. And I talk to him about them. But I'm sure you already do something like this, but who knows only we know what is the best way for us to grieve. 
Ps. I still smell his clothes and blanket he was wrapped in. They were in the box the gave me. I refuse to wash them because I don't think I could ever live without that scent. Sometimes the scent makes me cry other times it fills me with hope. Hoping we all get BFP's soon.&#10084;&#10084;&#10084;


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## MorgansMom09

Still praying yeah I didn't want to put added pressure on him, but I'm more worried about me because I know it could be happening and if we don't do anything I'll question whether or not I should have told him. Idk, maybe now's not the right time either, but I can't think like that. You see Morgan was a surprise oops BC baby. But he was so wanted once I found out, now I'm afraid I've lost my chance because we weren't trying before and I still got shafted, so why should I even be given another chance when were trying. This probably doesn't even make sense to anyone but me but it does start the waterworks. So I think I'm cutoff on forums tonight. Good luck and lots of love everyone &#10084;


----------



## StillPraying

Morgan my baby Luke was also a surprise oops. And I felt like I was being punished when I lost him. I completely understand how you feel about feeling like you've lost your chance and being shafted. :hugs: It makes sense to me hon.


----------



## Emma241179

Hi everyone, sorry to jump in so late but I'm kind of new and looking for some shoulders to cry on! So sorry for all of your losses.. losing a baby at any stage is simply the worst feeling in the world.

I am already a mum to my beautiful boy who is 2 and a half- DH and I conceived him very easily and I think perhaps this has unrealistically raised my expectations of TTC the second time around..

I have now had two 'chemical' pregnancies back to back- one in September and one as we speak.. both between 5 and 6 weeks. I know this is very early on and it must be so incredibly hard for those miscarrying later on; but I'll be honest.. I feel crushed. I can't shake the feeling that there must be something wrong.. Why I am I conceiving successfully but then failing to carry? The NHS (I'm in England) won't investigate until your 3rd MC and I feel like its such a huge leap of faith to try again in a bid to get answers. I had IUGR (Intrauterine growth restriction) and oligohydroamnios (low fluid) with my DS and I keep thinking perhaps there is something underlying this and my two early losses?

Has anyone else experienced several early losses and then gone on to be successful?

Desperately searching for hope..

Love to you all,

Emma xxx


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## Myshelsong

Hi Emma, sorry for your losses. I don't have any suggestions, but have you talked with your doctor about progesterone? I know they had me on that up until 12 weeks.... 

Ok so I am wanting to be in this baby train now! We are going to try naturally after this af leaves, here's too hoping. We were diagnosed with male factor, so maybe my uterus environment will be extra nice to his swimmers and we can make this happen before the schedule FET.

Anyone having some .... anxiety of actually having sex? We havent been intimate in what feels like forever and I am kind of terrified that this is going to be weird and might trigger some deep emotions and I am going to cry...


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## StillPraying

Myshel I cried after the first time we dtd post delivery. But it wasn't weird, and honestly I found sex very comforting.


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## MorgansMom09

Myshelsong I cried after sex the first time too. But mostly because it was the first time in six weeks that we were able to be that close. It didn't feel weird at all, it just felt right.
Emma sorry for your losses and I'm sending hugs your way. Unfortunately I am not familiar with chemical pregnancy so I don't know too much about how all that works. However after my loss I researched hundreds of pages on infant loss and TTC again and many women who posted on those who mentioned a chemical pregnancy did eventually get their rainbows. So don't lose hope!&#129303;&#10084;


----------



## ChanyMarie

late2theparty said:


> Hi ladies,
> 
> I haven't been very successful with responses to my posts in the past, but I am really struggling with this loss, and would like to hear how you are all coping and getting through this painful time and when we can start trying again? I lost my first through early MC at 5w,and I am still suffering through it.
> 
> Sending strength and love to you all :kiss:

I'm so sorry to hear that u are going through this as well. I lost my little one on 9/21 at 5+3. Trying to conceive again, had one af in October since and have done the bd within the window to see what luck we have but I'm not sure if anything was accurate just yet... I still have fears and often think about that day &#128532; Hoping your doing better xxx


----------



## Myshelsong

So we are officially back on the baby making train. I can't believe that we are going through this again, I can't even really believe we were pregnant and lost it and trying again. It feels so surreal, but here we are.

We are trying to stay positive, being hopeful but also trying to enjoy ourselves ... ? Ugh, this is so weird.


----------



## StillPraying

Totally get you myshel. It is weird.


----------



## Myshelsong

So I got a new lipstick and outfit to spice up the night life in the house, hahaha
How is everyone else doing this Weekend? Anyone ovulating soon?
Our plan is to try every other day until the next af comes, I have no idea when I will ovulate after the loss. I think we are CD 11 today and I normally ovulate a bit later like cd 17.... but who knows


----------



## StillPraying

My opks confused me and now I don't know how many dpo I am *sigh* my body is wreck lol


----------



## Myshelsong

I hate opks so much!
Sorry Hun, do you temp as well?


----------



## StillPraying

No temping made me crazy and my sleep isn't consistent enough either.


----------



## HelenJane

So ladies...I bought some cheap ovulation tests off Amazon. Like, 50 in a pack plus 50 preg tests too. The stick ones. I've never had those before but I really wanted to track every day and see what its like.
Anyway they came on Thursday afternoon and by Thursday night i think I'd used about 10. I was a mad woman lol. I just couldn't help but do one every time I went to the bathroom.

Anyway, my fertile week was Monday- Friday according to my calendar. We had sex Wednesday and when i was doing the tests Thursday i thought they were good but not good enough. They looked nearly as dark as the control line but not equal (i thought)...but when i did them on Friday the test line was much lighter, if anything.
Now Friday was supposed to be my highest fertile day so I was confused...maybe Thursday was the day.
But i thought it wasnt dark enough to the control line....so maybe Wednesday was my day...and Thursday was showing as good but not quite there because the time had passed...? 
We didnt get to have sex on Thursday as my OH was feeling poorly and tierd and Friday was showing nothing basically so i wasn't bothered then lol.

So yea these stick ovulation tests are very much down so a judgment call i think. Maybe Thursday was the day but i thought it wasn't dark enough.....you never know. 
I hope it was Wednesday though!

What i though about doing next month is one a day or two a day and keep them lined up somewhere (no idea where) for the whole month and see what it shows.
BUT fingers crossed for this month as Wednesday could have been Thee day. :) :)

I have not done anymore ov tests since because they were getting on my nerves but I wanted to ask.....IF we did get pregnant on Wednesday and now we are in the two week wait....will the ovulation tests show as negative as ovulation has passed? If u are preggo when will they start to show this?


----------



## StillPraying

Ovulation tests only tell when your surge is and don't confirm if you od. If you never got a positive testing that frequently you may not have od. I'd keep testing.


----------



## HelenJane

Looking back I think it might have been equally as dark or almost as the control line but I can't be sure. So I don't know if Almost is a geniune postive?! At the time I was doubting myself so I dismissed it but on Friday It was very faint. What does that mean? Will I KNOW if its 100% positive? Will the test line truely be darker than the control line?


----------



## StillPraying

The test would be equal to or darker. Mine usually go = to, darker than, and then = to, then lighter aka negative. Fmu can give false positives on opk since your pee is more concentrated also. But if you have one that is = to control I'd go with that one.


----------



## Myshelsong

I think the Super moon is tonight. I have decided this is a good omen and am hoping that this month is the month for all of us. Sending fertile and loving thoughts to you all.

I have no idea when and even if I will be ovulating this month. Who knows what my body will do after the loss.

Helen I am thinking you had a surge for sure. Hopeyou caught it!


----------



## HelenJane

Im not sure but my son was conceived on one try in my fertile window. I was supposed to be highest fertile on Friday but Friday ovulation test was very faint compared to Thursday that was pretty obvious however, i don't know what Wednesday would have been so i will just have to wait and see. I know i wont get another positive now as my period is due at end of month.


----------



## StillPraying

All it takes is one :)


----------



## Myshelsong

I am so hoping all it takes is one. 
I am really praying that this fertility after giving birth thing is real because holy crap do I want it. I don't want to wait for the FET in Dec/Jan!
So we are doing every other day/night and I am trying to be positive. Any suggestions to keep my mind from going overdrive?


----------



## StillPraying

Oh girl if I had that answer. Let's see. I've been slowly organizing my whole house, getting rid of a ton of unneeded/unwanted stuff. Plus detoxing like that is very healing. Re dedicated myself to my gym obsession. Also trying new recipes out too as I've seemed to have lost my cooking touch.


----------



## HelenJane

Hey you're doing well every other night!! I wish we could.
Its been 2 months now and we haven't had very much sex due to my OH but i am hoping i am extra fertile still. And this month we have done it on the right date.

Myshelsong i dont know if there is anything to take your mind off it!


----------



## HelenJane

Stillpraying the gym and cooking and decluterring sound excellent ideas. Cooking i already do and in the process myself of decluterring. I haven't started working out yet. This may sound weird but i feel abit funny about exerting myself in that way while we are waiting to see if we conceived. Like, im (probably irrationally) worrying that if i do exercise or something like that then it could hamper our chances?! I'm sorry i must sound like a fool but i seem to be so much more cautious of everything since what happened :(


----------



## MorgansMom09

Hey ladies, our trip was both amazing and sad. Here I am proud of myself for making it up a huge mountain and all I could do was sit down and cry. 
We got back Saturday and I started work again today. I'm a cashier at a grocery store when I'm not nannying. And honestly I don't think I was ready to come back here yet. I'm on break rn and i just spent the first half of it crying because of all the moms and babies that come thru. I truly don't know if my heart can take it. But we can't really afford for me to take more time off. 
I don't know what to do. I hate feeling so lost and confused over simple things. I'm due for my second AF on Wednesday. Here's keeping fingers crossed that I don't see it.


----------



## StillPraying

Helen I've read so many studies about fitness and pregnancy. Honestly it won't hurt anything. The only time there is an issue with exercise while pregnant is in the later stages when women push themselves too hard. But physical fitness can also lead to a BFP too :) 

Morgan I'm sorry work is hard. I felt the same way when I went back. Take deep breathes and sing a song in your head. Try to smile. Odd but I found that trying to compliment pregnant women or new mothers helped me immensely.


----------



## HelenJane

Thanks stillpraying that made me feel better. I like doing the high intensity ones so thats good.

Morgan i felt the same. So lost and i still do sometimes but its better to be at work and get back into things sooner rather than later. Days will get easier in time. I hope work is being good to you.


----------



## StillPraying

My Dr's have always told me if exercise wise if you did it prior to being pregnant you'll be fine while pregnant unless of course a condition comes up saying otherwise.

Ugh I tested at 4dpo today :rofl:


----------



## HelenJane

If my fertile day was Thursday then so did i LOL! Did both ov and preg test, why not - ive got 50 haha


----------



## StillPraying

Exactly lol that's why I order them online, so I can poas as much as I want.


----------



## Myshelsong

Morgan, sorry darlin. Going back to work is such a hard thing to do, especially when you have to work with the public with a smile. I agree have a song in your head.

There is a part of me that wish I had opks left over and then another that is greatful I don't. It would make me go poas crazy!


----------



## MorgansMom09

My other sister just told me she is pregnant....my younger one. It's her first baby. &#128546;&#128512;&#128559;


----------



## HelenJane

Hugs. Big huge hugs


----------



## StillPraying

Hugs Morgan. I know that sting. During the week of my chemical last cycle I had TWO ladies tell me they were "accidentally" pregnant. I'm sorry hon.

Man we need some BFPs on here!


----------



## HelenJane

One of the girls in work is pregnant too. 3 months i think. Have to see her all the time and even though i am pleased for her i just wish it was me still :(


----------



## StillPraying

The closer I get to Feb the harder it is for me. 

well off to the gym because I need something else to obsess over!


----------



## HelenJane

Ive been thinking a lot about February too. It will be here before you know it. I am not looking forward to that day at all. My girl, Alice we called her...not sure if I mentioned that was due on 9th February. 
Yes i am trying not to think about the dates and things! Im just so sad. I want another baby of course but I wanted MY Alice. I hope if I do get pregnant that i don't feel like I am replacing her. :(
No way can she be replaced but I just don't know how I will feel. Any advice?
I will be thinking of you in Feb too StillPraying and your baby Luke


----------



## StillPraying

I've worried about that too, but honestly I don't think it will feel that way. Every baby is different. So I think you bond with them differently.

Helen I was due Feb 7th :hugs:


----------



## Myshelsong

Omg I had a sad day today out of the blue after going shopping.I was thinking of how pregnant I was suppose to be, and how only a few months ago I was like "wow this is one of the last times I will be shopping without an infant" and bam the waterworks ..... we were due Jan 31.
I hate this. Hope we all get our rainbows soon.


----------



## HelenJane

God me too. What makes it worse is that i wrote on my calender every week untill the end of the year how far along i would be so every week i am reminded :( 
Mind you, i would remind myself anyway when something or nothing triggers it but still... It just keeps hitting me so hard whats happened. My heart wants to change what happened and make it right again but that can never be and i am struggling to accept that. I hope its early days and normal to feel like this.


----------



## Myshelsong

Helen I did the same thing to our kitchen calendar.
thankfully i had a back up calendar in the office so I broke down last week and threw the one with the dates out and put the office calendar in the kitchen. It is just easier not to remind myself ever time I walk by it, which is always because it was above the cats dinner bowl. Oh the small stupid things that get us eh?

So it looks like our fertility clinic appointment is on Dec 3 - I thought it was the week after so that is good news. And the nurse said I can call on my cd 1 next cycle to start my investigation cycle even if it starts before the doctors appointment! That means we might be able to do the FET in January .... holy shit.

We are still trying this month but it is good to know that if it doesn't work the wait to move forward won't be as long as I thought it would be.


----------



## StillPraying

Myshel great news about the possibility of January!


----------



## Myshelsong

Thank you. It is bitter sweet to see the time pass but I am glad that time is going as quickly as it is right now and that I can have some "hope" mixed in with the sad days. Trying to stay positive and move forward.

where is everyone in there cycle? Is anyone testing soon?
Anyone doing anything fun this weekend? We have a party for my friends 1 year old on Saturday in Toronto, so that should be fun and emotional. Going to try to and have fun it is going to be the first time we see some friends since the loss.
We are on CD16 now, I previously ovulated on cd17-20 so looks like we are in the peak time if we do ovulate this month. I am not one that tests before af comes, makes me feel to crazy.


----------



## StillPraying

Are you doing OPK or just going off of calendar?

I'm 7-9dpo... BFNS for days of course. Honestly I don't think we caught this month, but I'm actually okay with it. After this cycle we will be preventing so if it isn't meant to be it isn't meant to be.


----------



## Myshelsong

I didn't have any opks left last year and when we went to IUI's and IVF I never bought any more. Didn't even think of it when we lost Blue. They make me crazy anyways so I am just going with the flow.

You are still really early to see a positive, I will send you happy positive thoughts!


----------



## MorgansMom09

Myshelsong
Hi I tested Tuesday actually because I had woke up that morning and ran to throw up. Unfortunately it was a BFN. &#128557;
So now as far as cycles go I just got my 2nd AF today. On top of my sister announcing her pregnancy and my other sister having her newborn, I'm a wreck. 
I've spent the last 3 days sobbing. Today I cried while rocking my niece to sleep because I couldn't help but think I was supposed to be doing this with Morgan right now. 
And I know it seems silly to hope I would've been pg but having my AF arrive today added another wave of sorrow. And then I let my mind wander and I just make myself cry more thinking about everything that should've been but now possibly never will be. You see my older sister (I have 4 sisters lol) has recently been getting help to conceive her second child and is not seeing good results. So that knowledge makes me wonder if I'll have too much trouble too. 
I guess you could say I'm having an extremely "selfish thoughts" week. I'm angry at the world and yet trying to fake positivity for everyone around me. 
As for fun weekend plans I have a massage scheduled for tomorrow morning. Then I'm making scarfs for my nieces cheer team. 
Sending love and luck for everyone this month&#10084;&#10084;


----------



## Myshelsong

Morgan - Cry it all out Hun. scream, cry, beat a pillow until it is dead because it isn't fair. I don't even know what I will do if I see an actual baby this weekend, I am still so raw from it all.

Sending you lots of love and positive energy. I hope tomorrow is a better day. :dust:


----------



## HelenJane

Well I cried on the way to work today. Just thinking how far along i would have been then thinking about everything that happened. 
Then i cried on the way home because a song came on the radio that was playing in the car when we picked her ashes up. I now call it Alices song and started thinking crazy thoughts, like, when its MY. funeral i want that song played...crazy thoughts but things to think about.

Morgansmom its not silly to hope. Hope is we survive on. Its ok to have a selfish day or week. Its self preservation. Its your mind reminding you that you should care about yourself.

I am due my 3rd period and i do not want it but we only did it once in my "window" so im just praying it worked but something is telling me no.
Its frustrating since you hear u should be extra fertile and yet nothing :(
Because u think that you think it should be easy, right?

Im due at end of the month.


----------



## StillPraying

How is everyone?


----------



## Myshelsong

Had a good weekend so far! Went to a friends kids first bday party and didn't have a melt down so score one for me. Then played around at the aquarium in Toronto, it was beautiful but so full, like crazy busy with families. I wish I lived closer, apparently there is morning yoga at the aquarium how amazing would that be?!

I think my fertility window is over I am no longer getting ewcm, so hoping we caught an egg if there was one. Not sure if I should test before af shows up or just wait and wait and wait. I think it my cycle lasts longer than 35 days I will test just to see what happens, but still so unsure of everything. If I get af hopefully I won't breakdown too much.


----------



## StillPraying

I'd say wait as long as you can at least just to avoid the disappointment of a bfn if you test to early. 

AFM last night I got an obvious positive on my wondfo test, but then a bfn on this mornings test (first signal) but a positive opk? I hate limbo.


----------



## HelenJane

What is a wondfo test?

I keep doing ov tests every time i wee just to make sure I'm not ovulating late or miss it. All been definately negative.
Stillpraying im so happy you have a positive!! Get doing it lol.


----------



## StillPraying

I'm 10dpo. Wondfo is a brand of pregnancy test. I've had 2 positives now, still faint though


----------



## Myshelsong

Ahhh still a faint is still something!! Fingers crossed this little bean sticks for you Hun. Sending sticky happy vibes your way


----------



## StillPraying

Just hoping it isn't another chemical. Hard to get too excited.


----------



## HelenJane

I wish you all the luck in the world.
We get the results on Thursday :(


----------



## Myshelsong

Totally understand, it is going to be hard to be excited to be pregnant at all for is I think. Just hope it gets darke and sticks around. Big optimistic hugs


----------



## MorgansMom09

Stillpraying when will you know for sure if it's a strong positive?(I'm hoping it is for you!!)As she said earlier faint is still positive! &#10084;&#10084;&#10084;


----------



## StillPraying

Bfns this morning :(


----------



## MorgansMom09

Oh honey &#128557;&#128557; big hugs!


----------



## StillPraying

I just got a positive on frer?!

https://www.countdowntopregnancy.com/pregnancy-test-gallery/image.php?galleryid=613230


----------



## HelenJane

Ladies. I calculated wrong and i am due on Saturday. Anyway i kept doing the tests like I said and I was also doing the preggo ones and yesterday, i got a BFP too!!
I do worry though because it is faint. I've never done tests before a period before though so not sure if its normal??
I went and bought some cheap ones from supermarket ones I have used previously and they also showed positive but faint. 
Ive done about 15 of the stick ones and they are all barely visible and 4 of the more accurate ones which are more stronger.
Is it normal they are faint before period? 
I have my fingers crossed for you Still!! That is definitely a positive when are you due??


----------



## StillPraying

Helen congrats! Yes it's normal for them to be faint before AF is due. You can only really see progression every 2 days and even then the tests can't really tell you if it's truly progressing. 

AFM Idk. I got a bfn on frer with fmu this am and then a faint positive on Clearblue this afternoon so I'm guessing another chemical. Somewhere between 10-15dpo today:(


----------



## HelenJane

We must not give up hope until AF arrives !
I have been reading a lot and some people say FMU is not good for some people. Sometimes afternoon wee is better, depends how much you have drank each time (some people drink a lot at night). I keep doing the cheapo tests though each time as i cant help myself. Not good.
I am going to do a "proper" one in the morning before work. Fingers crossed its dark.
If Saturday comes and ive not got a period i will be spending £££ on clearblue digi...
Ive not had a chemical before, can you explain more about them? I know its the egg failing to implant but you get positive tests before and/or after your period is due?


----------



## StillPraying

Positives Just before your period, and then your period comes either on time or maybe a few days late. It's basically a very early mc (before 5 weeks)


----------



## MorgansMom09

Well I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the both of you! And I have a question what does dpo stand for? Thanks still new to all these terms!


----------



## StillPraying

Days past ovulation:)


----------



## HelenJane

So I was reading that countdowntopregnancy website last night and they have a pregnancy test calculator ie- when is best time to test. So I put the date of my last period in and it came up period on Saturday which I know but it was saying on Monday & Tuesday when I tested first, it would not have been likely to show anything up. Same on Wednesday. It said 2 days before (Thursday), it would show something and Friday it will more than likely show something, so it got me thinking maybe I am just testing too early. It said some early preg tests can pick up things early but it didnt say if they would be faint lines or not.

Obviously it said the best time to test was Saturday when my period is due.
I'm not one for waiting...lol...I did another this morning with FMU and there is a line but it is still faint. You can see it with the naked eye though.
Im worried what to think which is why I asked about chemical....should it be light this close to Saturday...have I tested too early....I just have to wait and see I guess. I'm not looking forward to today anyway where we get the results of our baby girls post mortem and this uncertainty is adding to things.
I am praying and hoping so much that we are lucky StillPraying. Did I ask when you are due your period?


----------



## StillPraying

AF should show between 23rd-25th yesterday was a no show.

Helen :hugs: for today. I only had myself and placenta tested, not Luke. Even those results made me cry so I'll be thinking of you. Are the lines getting darker?


----------



## HelenJane

No they did not but I had bloods done at hospital and they said they would ring us tomorrow with the result! Ahhhh

Results for post mortem came back with nothing found so nothing wrong with my baby or me so they are saying its just one of those things... :(
Even that makes me sad because if there is NO reason then why did it happen, ya know? Anyway it has provided a bit of closure and the Doctor was very thorough. Saying slim chance it will happen again and if anything, finding nothing wrong was a positive in his eyes. It did sting when he said that but i see where he is coming from.


----------



## StillPraying

:hug: it does mean that it's not something that needs to be fixed or that there is any reason to wait to ttc. It still stings though I know.


----------



## HelenJane

yes he actually recommended TTC as soon as poss lol thats when we told him there may be a possibility.
Now I'm just anxious about tomorrows phone call.
Are you still testing?


----------



## StillPraying

No AF should be here tomorrow so we will see if she shows. I did an opk tho which was definitely positive.


----------



## HelenJane

wow good luck that sounds positive!


----------



## HelenJane

Any news? I did another test this morning and it was a bit darker but not as dark as the control line.
Still waiting on call but still going to test too. Anxious is not the word


----------



## StillPraying

The witch showed last night so i guess another chemical.


----------



## Myshelsong

Sorry Still, so many hugs.


----------



## StillPraying

I'm just over all of this.


----------



## Myshelsong

I totally get being over trying to conceive. So sorry you had this crazy test drama. Big hugs
That is the exact reason why I never test, like ever. After five years of failed cycles every single month it's hard to get your hopes up.


----------



## HelenJane

Im so sorry to hear that Still :(
And you Myshelsong I can't imagine how you feel after 5 years.
One of my friends is infertile and taking hormones to help but it just puts things into perspective that there is always someone worse off than yourself and its hard but it definitely makes you grateful for what you have.


----------



## StillPraying

I'm not sure if I'm ttc this month, dh hasn't said and honestly I don't want to ask. And maybe after 2 back to back chemicals within 3 months of a 2nd trimester losses maybe my body needs a break?


----------



## HelenJane

Maybe your right. Get Christmas out of the way and start again in the new year. 
You will probably enjoy Christmas more without all the stress.


----------



## MorgansMom09

Im so sorry still.
Currently I'm in my peak window of opportunity. So far I am not really tracking my ovulation, but if I don't concieve this month I probably will buy the opk. But according to my cycle I'm due to ovulate on the 30th. This month has been ridiculous. I was an emotional mess on Thanksgiving and then me and hubby got a little to rough doing the BD so we had to go on hiatus for a couple days, luckily we were able to resume activities yesterday. Immediately after tho i felt nauseas which has only happened once or twice before. So hopefully it's not a repeat occurrence.
Today is a little rough though. I was helping my parents decorate their house for Christmas and set up their tree and after a while I just wanted to cry. It's only Nov 27th how am I supposed to make it through all December especially with my sisters. And I'm pretty sure work just put me on for working Christmas eve too. &#128533;


----------



## Myshelsong

I decided to ruin a perfectly good day and take a pregnancy test. It was negative obviously but I am so horribly depressed about it. It doesn't matter that I have a doctors appointment coming up all that matters is that I don't have my baby anymore. The process is slowly killing me


----------



## MorgansMom09

Big hugs myshelsong.&#128532;
After the next 2 days I'll be in the 2 weeks wait of hell and even if I think the test will be negative I'll still probably take it too. So far though I'm trying to think positive that maybe somehow I'll will my body into being pregnant lol. &#128517;&#128533;


----------



## Myshelsong

I broke my own rule so I don't know what I expected, I still have no real idea if I ovulated I guess I was just hoping for a Miracle.

Have an enjoyable next couple days Morgan, hope this cycle is it for you!


----------



## Myshelsong

We were just approved for a January FET!!!
Freaking out but excited.
How is everyone else doing?


----------



## StillPraying

Myshel that's so exciting!!!


----------



## Myshelsong

I am excited, terrified, happy, sad ... you name it.
But we are going to move forward with some kind of positive hope I guess. 

I am having a sono this week to make sure there are no issues with my uterus and then we are a go. We are still going to try naturally this month for a miracle, I even bought pre seed hahaha. 

Where is everyone in their cycle? I think I am on CD5


----------



## StillPraying

I can only imagine that Rollercoaster of emotions:hugs:

I'm CD 11 but not tracking o or anything this cycle. Idk if dh will decide to not prevent and talking about it is a no go so I'm just in a whatever happens happens kinda mood.


----------



## Myshelsong

Taking some time off or just going with the flow sound brilliant.
This time of year is always so hectic I just want to enjoy life right now if I can.


----------



## MorgansMom09

I'm currently 7 dpo and honestly feeling a little nauseas today, I actually vomited. But don't really want to get my hopes up. I did feel a twinge like cramping a few days ago. However I don't know if I actually have the symptoms or just want to enough that my body is having them.


----------



## StillPraying

morgan I hate that we can somehow trick our bodies into having symptoms. But I'm keeping my fx they mean something for you! Do you intend to test early or wait for AF?


----------



## MorgansMom09

Wait for AF. That way I have a solid reason for testing other than just feeling like I might be pg. Still that's 8 days away and I'm having a hard time being patient.


----------



## Myshelsong

I know the feeling, I am so impatient right now. 
Having my sono tomorrow and if we get the all clear we are for sure doing January FET ... gulp.
Fingers crossed.
Where is everyone else in their cycle? I am on cd 8 and we are going to try naturally this month for a miracle before the FET as well. Just in case the gods are on our sides for once.


----------



## MorgansMom09

So I couldn't resist and tested yesterday. BFN. So unless AF never shows up Thursday I'd say this was not our month.


----------



## Myshelsong

Sorry Morgan's mom. How many dpo are you?

Starting in the fertile window now, so fingers crossed we will have a miracle for Christmas this month, although I really don't think we will. Just need to get through the holidays without too much of a breakdown I think.

Where is everyone else in their cycle? Anyone testing soon, or in their fertility window with me?


----------



## MorgansMom09

.


----------



## MorgansMom09

Currently 13 dpo and was feeling sick this morning.so idk what's going on, probably stress.


----------



## Myshelsong

How are you doing Morgan?
Fertile window is open, hoping to get at least a few tries in this month for a Christmas miracle. We will see how we end up feeling. Got the pre seed though so fingers crossed!
Weather is crap today, going to hunker down and stay warm inside.


----------



## MorgansMom09

AF came right on schedule. &#128546;&#128545;


----------



## Myshelsong

So sorry Morgan's mom. Big hugs to you hun.


----------



## Myshelsong

This Christmas season is really hard. I just want to reach out and give you all a big hug.

I know we all lost something precious recently and are tying our hardest to put on a brave face and move forward with hope and love. So big hugs to all of us, just getting through this month.


----------



## StillPraying

Sorry AF came Morgan :hugs:

Myshel where are you in your cycle?

AFM I've been trying to stress about testing and what not. Not sure how many DPO I am but I *think* maybe nine? AF is due on Christmas which is just fabulous.


----------



## Myshelsong

For me af is due the 28-29 I am not going to test unless she doesn't come by New Year's Eve. I want to be hopeful, but since it was impossible to get pregnant naturally for the last five years, I am just looking forward to our FET in January. (But secretly hoping this is our cycle!)

Good luck still praying! I hope this is your month love.


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## StillPraying

How does the whole FET process work for you? I find it strange saying that since in the military here we have FET but it stands for female engagement team lol sorry, I'm slightly brainwashed I think.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up but every where I turn there are people getting pregnant. It's frustrating me.


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## Myshelsong

Why can't we all use the same acronyms hahahaha

It is the same idea as IVF, only all the hard work already done. Thankfully we had additional embryos that were of good quality that are in a freezer. So for the frozen transfer my drugs are much less. I take estrogen to build the lining but suppress follicle growth. After ten days (if everything looks good) I will add progesterone to also build the lining. After five days of that we are hopefully good to go and we will transfer one of the embryos. Hopefully it will thaw correctly.


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## MorgansMom09

Hey ladies I'm supposed to ovulate in about a week, but I doubt this cycle is going to be the one. Currently DH and I are fighting about something stupid but my hormones and personality don't think it's that stupid so we're at a stalemate there lol. But also if I were to concieve this month the baby would be due right around the birthday of Morgan so idk how I'd feel about that, I also just want to be pregnant asap so I'm conflicted there too. Honestly I'm just considering why bother trying since it's not going to work out. This holiday season is sure zapping whatever little hope I had left out. So I apologize for you guys having to listen to the humbug that I am being, but I wish you the best of luck in your cycles this month!


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## StillPraying

A lot can be forgiven in a week Morgan :) I understand your feelings though. I don't think I'd want a due date the same month as Luke's preferably, but like you I really do just want to be pregnant again.


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## MorgansMom09

Happy holidays all. Well I survived Christmas with only 2 crying spells. One triggered by a pregnancy announcement. But at least DH and I have been on better terms. And surprisingly since I've backed off on trying to get it all day every day lol DH has been pretty frisky. (I'm now 100% positive I can confirm my son was conceived after a friend's party last year lmao) so we're actually semi trying I guess. Im not getting my hopes up tho, just trying to have fun and if it happens it happens. After February tho, if it still haven't happened by then I'll be buying some opk.
How is everyone else doing?


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## Myshelsong

Happy holidays and merry Christmas!
Sorry you had some crying sessions, but glad it wasn't too bad for you guys.
I officially got my bfn this morning so I am now just prepping myself for FET in January!!! Ahhhh

Hope you all have a wonderful new year everyone. May we embrace it with love and hope. 
Big hugs


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## StillPraying

Merry Christmas ladies.

Myshel so exciting for FET in January! 

Morgan I'm sorry for the tears and I know how you feel love. Glad to hear you and hubby are doing well.

AFM....AF is a day late. Idk what to think, because I took a test this am on a 2 hr hold and it was bfn


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## MorgansMom09

Hey still did AF ever show up? Today's my big day, then the 2ww starts again. So im on the hunt for positive vibes!


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## StillPraying

No =( According to previous cycles she was 2 days late. According to my normal cycle she was a day late. So I'm not sure what happened. Maybe my change in diet threw it off. IDK but I have plans to attack DH as much as possible this month. Bout to get all kinds of use out of my lingerie haha


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## Myshelsong

Just want to wish everyone a happy new year.
I know that 2016 will forever be in my heart. May this new year bring us all joy and hope as we learn to live with the grief that is with us. Hugs


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## MorgansMom09

Hope everyone's had a good start to the new year. I think I'm coming down with the flu, it's been going around and I've just felt off today, my husband had it right before new years so hopefully after me it'll be done at this house. I'm currently 9 dpo and eager to start trying again this next cycle.


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## Myshelsong

It seems like everyone has the flu, i really need to get the flu shot this year!

Good luck on this cycle morgansmom baby dust all over you!

Getting my lining checked tomorrow and then we find out how close we are to the FET. Hoping it wont be too much longer or a wait. I feel like the days and hours are just standing still to see if i will break something.

I am horribly conflicted at times about moving forward with the FET. Especially since I should be delivering this month. it still seems so surreal and crazy that we are starting all over again. It is hard to feel hope when all I feel is grief ... do you guys feel the same way?


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## MorgansMom09

Yes whole heartedly. I feel like we've got so used to grief that were not comfortable enough to let hope back in. Good luck with FET


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## Myshelsong

Thanks so much, I sometimes feel crazy alone in this grief.

Are you guys going to be using opks or temping? I know how crazy stressful that all is, not fun at all.
Fingers crossed for you!


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## MorgansMom09

If it doesn't stick this time around yes, I want to get some opks. But that's as crazy as I'll let's myself get right now. We've only been trying for 3 months so Imuch trying not to stress to much.


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## Myshelsong

So we are having the FET this Sunday.
I am so happy and scared. And the prometrium is no helping, so out of it today!

How is everyone else doing?


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## MorgansMom09

Well no sign of AF yet today. And my opks came early on Tuesday so I an at least prepared. Hopefully she never shows up:)


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## MorgansMom09

Day 3, still no AF and still getting BFNs. I have a doctors appointment Tuesday for my yearly check up, so if she doesn't show by then I'm asking for a blood test. I feel like I'm going crazy. But I don't think stress would make me late because I'm actually less stressed than the last couple months and she came right on schedule almost to the exact same time too.


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## MorgansMom09

Oh and good luck tomorrow Myshelsong!


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## Myshelsong

Morgan I hope your af stays away. How did you track ovulation is cycle? I hate it when af is later and all I got see negatives. Drives me CRAZY!!

I am excited, terrified and everything in between about tomorrow. I can't believe it is tomorrow it feels like forever, but it also feels like I blinked and here we are again.

What are you doing this weekend to keep your mind from giong crazy?
We are heading to a movie I think, maybe a quick dinner out. Nothing fancy.


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## MorgansMom09

Working to stay busy. It's not working as I type this from the store bathroom lol


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## StillPraying

Myshel how did it go?

Morgan any sign of the witch?

I'm sorry I haven't been on much, I find it harder and harder to watch others get their bfps when I should be miserably pregnant right now. My due date with Luke is in less than a month and I'm just....struggling. I had comforted myself with the thought that I'd be pregnant again before that date but here I am on cycle #5. Ugh sorry for the pity party. It hit me so hard tonight for some reason....probably because yet another girl at work announced that she's pregnant.


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## Myshelsong

Don't worry Still. I have been crying each night because this is his birth month. It has been so much harder than I thought it would be, I thought I could get through Christmas and be ok, but I am not. Hubs isn't either, he has been crying along side me a few nights talking about him. Big hugs. You have to take care of yourself as well, if you need space take it.
Even with this FET I am happy and hopeful, but still sad and grieving. I hope to god I will get pregnant but I know that even if I do it will be bitter sweet.

So FET went off without a hitch yesterday. We have 1 4bb little blast on board and I am just praying it sticks around.


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## StillPraying

I try not to bring it up around dh or anything because it just makes him angry. I'm just focusing on getting healthier and learning how to just be. I'm considering taking up yoga, I've tried it a few times and enjoyed it. Anyone here do it?

I'm keeping you in my prayers that this little bean sticks Myshel!!


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## MorgansMom09

Well AF decided that yesterday, while I was running at the gym, was the best time to show up. So that answer that question. Uh of all the months she had to be late it would be the one that I'm scheduled for a pap smear. At least I was able to reschedule that for next week. And now I can at least put my opks to use. I guess I'm looking at the bright side because now the timeliness would not be the same, but unfortunately now if I get pregnant I'm going to have to pass his birthday and that'll be rough. I guess it could let
Always be worse and I could still not be pregnant by then too.


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## Myshelsong

I am not great at it, but I love doing a few yoga stretches in the morning when I get a chance. I would love to do it for real one day but I am so uncomfortable in front of people I don't think I could work up the courage. I would fall over and toot I know it!

Sorry af hit. I hope next cycle is your month.


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## StillPraying

Sorry AF showed Morgan, but it's nice to hear you are looking at the bright side of things:) 

Myshel that's hilarious lol


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## Myshelsong

It is funny but true. I do it is my own house, so I know I will do it in public.

My emotions are crazy high and low today. 
How is everyone else feeling?


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## StillPraying

I got this today :shock: [-o&lt; please don't be a chemical please please please[-o&lt;
 



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## Myshelsong

Ahhhh!!!! Fingers are crossed so much for you! How many dpo are you?
Sending you lots of :dust: and :hug:


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## StillPraying

Thanks myshel! How are you? When do you start testing?
I actually am not sure of DPO, as I didn't track much this cycle. But based off of the spotting I had, today I'm somewhere between 10-13dpo lol I got a positive on Tuesday but dh said it was too faint. Took frer yesterday he still said too faint. So I did the digi. Did another clearblue this morning and it's much darker! Top is Tuesdays and bottom is this morning.
 



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## MorgansMom09

Oh my congrats still!! What a good start to the year! Big hugs and happy thoughts to you!! &#128512;


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## Myshelsong

Looks like it is getting progressively darker, that is fantastic! I am literally crying right now.
Stick little baby stick. :dust:

I am 4dpt feeling super emotional and out already hahaha.
Testing on the 25 for beta, will test a day before that with a regular test to prepare myself.


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## StillPraying

Is 4dpt kind of like being 4dpo?


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## Myshelsong

It is further along then that because the egg was fertilized for 5 days prior, it is more like nine or eight days post ovulation I think. If you think cycle wise, af isn't due until the 26 or 27 
Four days post transfer is what it stands for. We don't test until ten days post transfer with my clinic.


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## StillPraying

So you're testing on the 24th?


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## Myshelsong

Beta is on the 25 but I will test again on the 24 just to prepare myself. I stupidly tested this afternoon and got a stark white negative. So annoyed I did that.


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## StillPraying

It's not stupid myshel, it's just being hopeful.


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## Myshelsong

Beta is today I am waiting on the results. I am not feeling very well, I took a digital and some cheapies all week and all of them back negative. Trying to hold onto hope that I am feeling really out. How is everyone else doing?


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## Myshelsong

Beta came back low, about 40. So technically it is positive, but since it is not a great number I am really not going to get my hopes up too much. Keeping fingers and toes all crossed until the next appointment


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## StillPraying

But that's still positive! Ooohhh keeping everything crossed for you and I'll be praying! When is the next beta?


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## MorgansMom09

Same! Good luck and keep us postwd im kust now getting to use the opks for the first time. Weird thing was i saw a faint line right after my period ended, but today nothing. &#128580;


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## StillPraying

Morgan what time of day are you using them?


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## Myshelsong

So I am pregnant! Holy crap, I am crying is much.
Trying to keep calm and pray for the ultrasound in feb to come back great. Can't believe I am doing this again.


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## MorgansMom09

Congrats i am testing around 11am


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## StillPraying

Myshel are you still testing at home or just doing betas? So happy for you!

Morgansmom I found they worked better for me in the evening. Everyone is different though.


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## MorgansMom09

Ive been testing at 11am and 6pm. Because i couldn't tell if the line was getting darker or not lol. Tho I am feeling like the odd ball put of the group now and i won't lie my heart dropped a little to know im the last one still trying right now. I may have to take a break for a week or so on here.


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## Myshelsong

I know what you are saying Morgan, and big hugs. This will happen for you, I had a LTTTC thread and 4 years later I am still one of the origins ones on it. everyone else got their babies and left and it recycled over and over again. if I didn't have FET we would never get pregnant. 

Afm I am just hoping even with a slow start and now spotting this sticks around. 
I am not doing any tests at home, it would just drive me mad. Although I am going crazy with a bit of spotting, I think I felt like crying all night. Hubs is trying to be positive, but he doesn't understand why I am so upset. I am terrified this will be over and done with before we even start.


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## StillPraying

Morgan I know the feeling all too well, I'm sorry :hugs:
Take all the time you need hon, we're here for you.

Myshel ugh I feel the same way. I'm trying so hard to stay positive.


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## Myshelsong

So I am pretty sure I am having another mc. I know some bleeding is normal but this is now heavy with lots of clots and cramping. 
Blues Due date is tomorrow so I am not going in for another beta until the next day to confirm I have lost it. It is just too emotional for me to hear I have lost two babies in nine months.


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## StillPraying

Oh no myshel I'm so sorry. :hugs: I hope you're wrong :(


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## MorgansMom09

Oh myshell i hope you are wrong! Lots of love!


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## StillPraying

Thinking of you Myshel, I hope you're doing okay:hugs:


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## MorgansMom09

So so far this cycle the opk worked however 2 out of the 3 good days hubby was not in the mood. Needless to say I was devasted. So now im moody and only slightly feel bad about it.
How's everything going Myshelsong?


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## Myshelsong

It is so annoying when ovulation and moods don't come together. Feels so frustrating and I use to get so angry about it. Hope you are relaxing during your tww.

So we lost the pregnancy. My numbers have come down drastically and obviously I had a lot of bleeding and other things happen. Feeling ok I guess, heartbroken, dissapointed and upset about the timing of it, but ok. We just passed Blues due date and this week has been pretty emotional and numb. The worst is I know we cannot conceive naturally no I have to wait for doctors appointments, and other things before we can even attempt another cycle. I am just hoping that there are no other complications and we can get approved for another FET and that that one works so that I don't have to do another full IVF cycle.
My life sucks


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## StillPraying

Myshel :hugs: I know it's hard but don't let this define you or your life. How soon will they do another FET?


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## Myshelsong

I am trying to stay positive, just such a crappy week honestly.
I can do it as soon as the next cycle, but hubs and I are talking about taking a one cycle break to recover after the bad timing and loss. 
Doing much better so far today emotionally, it is just hard to comprehend we were suppose to be parents a week ago and bam all gone. It just kind of all hit home at the same time.

Anyways, how is everyone else doing?


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## StillPraying

Myshel taking a break for at least a cycle makes sense. Give yourself a second to catch your breathe.

Thursday is Luke's due date and we got a bunch of bad news today that DH wasn't selected for promotion and they are canceling our move to Virginia. We're really upset about it :cry:


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## Myshelsong

Oh that isn't great. I am so sorry that he didn't get the promotion, how did it fall through?
Did you guys already sell or end the lease where you are currently living?

So I got my negative hcg from my last blood test. So we are got the ok to do FET next cycle. We are still talking about timing, when we want to do what. We haven't quite made up our minds yet. I am really torn emotionally. I don't want the same due date as I did with blue, but if we keep pushing this and I am lucky enough to get pregnant I might. I guess that is thinking positively actually, the idea that I might actually get pregnant and substain a pregnancy... 

How are you doing Morgan?


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## StillPraying

Myshel glad you got the go ahead. I also understand not wanting the same due date as before. I think you just have to get completely relaxed and then asked yourself are you ready to try right now or do you still need more time. It's okay to take a break, and it's just as okay to jump right in. It only matters where your mind is at. 

The promotion thing is hard to explain, but the guy they picked really didn't deserve it over the others so that's frustrating. Fortunately our lease is good to October and it's easy to renew, it's just hard because we were very excited about moving and being close to family.


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## MorgansMom09

Popping in for a quick update. I hate just about everyone and everything right now. Anger and bitterness is getting me bad this month. On the bright side I get to start a new job March 1st. That's about all I have the energy to type. I'm so sorry for your loss Myshelsong and I hope next time works out for you.


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## Myshelsong

Thanks Morgan. I hear you on the anger and bitterness, you are not alone in this.
Big hugs Hun. Hope you have a better rest of the month.


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## MorgansMom09

Ok so I need some opinions. I took a hPT yesterday and this morning and both times got faint positiveso, I'm 5 days late. My docs office opens tomorrow and I'm thinking of making an appointment. Should I call or wait a couple days. Ughhh the debate is killing me.


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## Myshelsong

Call tomorrow if af hasn't arrived and you are still getting faint positives.
Good luck Hun, I really hope this is a rainbow for you!


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## StillPraying

I would definitely call Morgan! What brand are you getting the faint positives on? Fx for you!


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## MorgansMom09

I'm getting positives on the off brand frer. But the @home test I got one faint positive on that one, and thenetflix one negative followed by a positive from the frer type one.


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## StillPraying

I don't trust frers at all. Have you tried clearblue? I was getting obvious positives on Clearblue where frer was barely there if at all. If you take tests throughput the day you'll get varied answers based on your urine concentration.


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## MorgansMom09

I dont trust any tests really lol but another faint line on the cheapo this morning so I'll be calling before work.


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## StillPraying

Fx for you Morgan! :hugs:


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## Myshelsong

Hope this is it for you Hun!


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## MorgansMom09

So can't get in to see my doc or her assistant until March 10th. Now to try and distract myself for almost 3 weeks &#55357;&#56899;


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## StillPraying

:hugs: that is so frustrating! Are you going to keep testing?


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## MorgansMom09

Nah, as long as AF doesn't show up im assuming and living as if I'm pregnant.


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## StillPraying

:hugs: I think that's a great mindset to have!


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## Myshelsong

Waiting for af to show in the next couple days so I can get this FET started! How is everyone else doing?
Had a good weekend though which was nice, hung out with family and even saw a movie with my mom and sister yesterday.


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## StillPraying

Morgan did AF ever show?


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## MorgansMom09

Hey y'all. No AF is not going to make an appearance for quite awhile. Had to get a physical for work on Thursday so I asked if they could do a pg test. And it was positive. So now I'm just anxiously awaiting for my appointment on the 10th and I hope I get to hear the heartbeat. Because honestly I'm driving myself insane with worry even tho everything in my last pregnancy was smooth till the end.


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## StillPraying

MorgansMom09 said:


> Hey y'all. No AF is not going to make an appearance for quite awhile. Had to get a physical for work on Thursday so I asked if they could do a pg test. And it was positive. So now I'm just anxiously awaiting for my appointment on the 10th and I hope I get to hear the heartbeat. Because honestly I'm driving myself insane with worry even tho everything in my last pregnancy was smooth till the end.

Morgan I'm so happy for you! My first appointment is also on the 10th. Please come join the Fall 2017 rainbows :hugs: keeping everything crossed for you!!!


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## Myshelsong

Congratulations Morgan! Happy and healthy nine months love. very happy for you. Big hugs!

Still waiting on af over here, which sucks. If she doesn't come by tomorrow I will have to wait for FET until April since hubs wants to be ther for the transfer and he will be away in Newfoundland it this comes any later. So annoyed.


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## StillPraying

Hopefully she shows soon then myshel! Are you okay with doing FET in April with a Jan due date? I know you had mentioned before that you didn't think you'd want that.


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## Myshelsong

I am not really ok with it, but I would rather be pregnant then not be pregnant, if that makes any sense...
No matter what it will be a stressful time, regardless of due date. I just want to be pregnant at this point. I am ready. Emotionally ready to get this process doing again.


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## StillPraying

Oh that makes sense. I hope AF shows soon so you can get this next cycle and not have to worry about it :) is AF late now? I know it's hard to say post mc, i know drs usualkt say count the first day of real bleeding as day 1 but Even then AF can be off.


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## MorgansMom09

Ok so went in for what I thought was an ultrasound at 7w4d and all they could see was a sacred measuring me at 5w2d give or take a day. So I had blood work done yesterday and will have to go again Monday. Waiting is killing me and I don't know how many more times I can cry about it. Ughhh haven't we been through enough!?! And if one more person tells me to relax and not stress, I'm going to find stress release by punching them in the face. Wow that got violent quick lol.

How are you doing Myshelsong?


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## StillPraying

Morgan are you sure of your dates? Scans can be off by a whole week. I'm sorry you're in limbo :hugs:


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## Myshelsong

Hey Morgan, sorry that you are stressing with the ultrasound results. I am thinking positive for you, I hope your dates are just off Hun. Big hugs.

I am cd 7 I think now, trying not to be upset about waiting for FET and keeping myself busy.
There is an Art battle in Hamilton Ina couple weeks that we are going to go too. I am pumped about that. Taking my vitamins and just hoping for a miracle BFP this month hahaha.


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## MorgansMom09

So my numbers didn't double but the did rise slowly. Going back for more blood work and another ultrasound Wednesday. Outlook not so good &#128557;


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## Myshelsong

I am so sorry Hun, thinking of you and wishing you much luck.


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## StillPraying

So sorry Morgan :hugs: I hope this turns around for you


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## Myshelsong

Ugh I am so done with sex week and it just started. Please someone make this month go by faster ....


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## StillPraying

Myshel sorry it's dragging for you. It's no fun when it becomes a chore!


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## MorgansMom09

No growth, waiting to schedule a d and c since of course my doc is out of town this week.


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## Myshelsong

I am so sorry Morgansmom. Seriously big hugs too you. There are no words, so very very sorry. We know how awful this is, it really isn't fair at all.


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## StillPraying

Morgan I'm so sorry :hugs: I hope you heal quickly, It's so very unfair:cry:


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## Myshelsong

Hey guys.
April 1, brought AF and started so I am onto my FET cycle
I am trying to remain calm and keep myself busy, but still scared. I am scared this will be like last FET where I got pregnant only to lose it so quickly, or I will get pregnant and lose him or her half way through again for no reason, or even worse I won't get pregnant at all... 
Anyways, needed a bit of a new cycle rant. Thanks so much ladies, I hope this weekend is a good weekend.


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## MorgansMom09

Don't know if this thread is still active but I'm back at trying and trying to kill time in the tww.


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