# sex after birth



## lil-lauren

I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl sleeping at 23 weeks on friday. 

Im curious as to how soon after i can have sex? Right now i feel like im not emotionally ready as expected. But when i do become/feel ready how soon is ok to have sex? Iv been reading online and not really got any answers. It cirious as someone said to me yestersay not to get pregnant too soon i could end up killing myself instead. Needless to say i feel dead anyway but it made me panic as to what if i want to like tomorrow or next week. I have a million things running through my mind and i cant make sense of anything right now.

So when is it ok to have sex? How soon did you have sex?


----------



## Lottelotte

I thinks it ok to have sex once you stop bleeding. 

We first did it about 2 weeks after and i think i had had no bleeding for about a week. 

There are quite a few people who fall pregnant without a first af, and they have gone on to have a healthy baby and i know noone ever mentioned to me about waiting to try. When i told my consultant i was pregnant again he congratulated me. 

Its so difficult because for me i just wanted to be pregnant again, and i felt that was the only way i could ever feel better. 

I'm so sorry for your loss (i replied to another of your post on gestational complications). 

Did you name your little one? 
Xx


----------



## lil-lauren

We named her Isabella :) she was a tiny little dot weighing only 150g at 23 weeks. Dh wants to try asap but im confused, i want her back so much. I keep rubbing my belly like i did when i was carrying her. Some ways i think being pregnant will help heal t hole in my heart but then id be terrified incase something went wrong and it makes me think i couldnt just enjoy being pregnant if you know what i mean. Do you have to wait till you stop bleeding? Thankyou for your reply/ies xx


----------



## Lottelotte

Isabella is a beautiful name. :hugs:

I think when to try again is a very personal decision. After my first lost it took me a while to fall pregnant (i had complications due to placenta acrreta and my cycles were wacky) that was hard because i just wanted to be pregnant so much. When i fell pregnant it was hard but i was emotionally stronger and had had longer to grieve. After my second loss (Rory was born sleeping in october) i fell pregnant much quicker and that brings different challenges. I feel very guilty about it, and have gone from wishing this baby was Rory to then feeling bad that i want this baby so much. (still early days for me in this ptegnancy). 

I read a good book called Trying Again. Its a guide to trying again and also pregnancy after loss. i really recommend it. 

If you ever need to talk i am here. Its just so unfair that any of us have to go through this. :hugs:

I wish you gentle days ahead 

Xx


----------



## lil-lauren

Thankyou!! I will def look into that book! Xxx


----------



## OliveBay

So sorry for your loss :hugs:

After I lost my little boy at 22 weeks, I was advised by my midwife to wait 6 weeks before having sex. She said it was something to do with making sure the cervix was fully closed again or something, but I've never read anyone else on here being told the same and I wasn't actually given that advice after my recent full-term birth.

After our loss I craved some physical closeness to help me heal from the devastation, but we just had cuddles until 6 weeks.

Like the previous poster I found a book which helped me. I bought both "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart" and "Pregnancy after a loss" which were both very good.

I wish you lots of strength at this difficult time


----------



## avapopsmum

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your angel Isabella. I can completely understand the feeling of wanting to try again soon. It was what kept me going after I lost my boy in June. I think it was about two weeks (after the bleeding stopped) that OH and I dtd for the first time. I had my first AF five weeks after Thomas was born and conceived my rainbow baby on that very first cycle. I panicked so much in the early days that it was too soon and my body wouldn't be ready etc but this pregnancy has been as normal and straightforward so far as my last pregnancy was complicated (massive bleeds as 11 and 13 weeks followed by horrendous 20 week scan were a devastating fatal abnormality was picked up). 
I've been through a complete roller coaster of emotions since I got pregnant again and it hasn't been easy. I was and still am grieving for my lost angel but the pain does get that much easier with time. 
Sending you lots of love and strength xxxx


----------



## 3xscharmer

There are a lot of opinions about the sex and when to try again and honestly, as long as you don't have any medical issues it's pretty much a question of when you want to try. As far as sex goes, I remember going in to my two week post partum check-up and telling my doctor I'd already resumed sexual activity but that's me and when I'm in grief I tend to reach out to my husband for comfort and I don't know if that's wrong or not, but right after I had my son I had an overwhelming urge to be with DH, it started out as wanting him to hold me constantly and then I went full on clingly (which is so not me). At this time, I'd say take whatever advice your doctor gives you into consideration but make that ultimate decision for yourself.


----------



## HBelcher33

Im wondering too. I lost my baby at 15w4d (measuring 14ish) 2 weeks ago last monday. Not sure when i really lost him/her but found no hb 2 weeks ago. D & E was 2 weeks ago today and im still spotting. So im assuming no sex til thats done. And im not in the mood anyways. Dh and i arent getting along the greatest and i am basically a mess.

XX


----------

