# my daughter is 5



## alibaba24

Its just not sitting well with me :rofl:

seriously though in terms of her delays iv always told myself "oh its ok shes only 3" .... oh its ok shes only 4

now its like shes school age and its stressful the thought of her starting school and worrying if shes going to struggle or not and the fact her speech is a year and a half behind. worrying if that gap is going to close :shrug:


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## Thurinius

I feel the same. My son just turned 4, he's due to start school in September and I just can't picture it. I'm wondering what'll happen about homework and show/tell type activities because he has such limited speech. But the thing is he understands everything. 
made such progress like yesterday with a friend and her boy at playbarn. Generally my son ignores her son, including one notable encounter when her son was begging mine 'talk to me, why won't you talk to me'
Yesterday her son said hello and my boy waved at him and said hello. This is massive for him but then I see his peers chatting away and having proper conversations and he seems miles behind


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## alibaba24

i feel you! when i see the conversations 5 year olds can have it is so upsetting. my daughter is the opposite of yours as her lanuage understanding is poor she is sociable but the lanuage puts up a barrier with peers

and that is a huge breakthrough for your son must have felt great


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## Thurinius

Does anyone with kids at school know what happens about homework? If our kid are unable to do it because of language etc do they just not do it?


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## alibaba24

Im only guessing it depends on what type of homework it is, the teacher might send a note home with the child. good question would like to know this myself


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## mummy2o

My son has never had homework besides reading books. He's currently in year 3. He has a statement though and had a 1-1 TA as that's what he needed in a mainstream school. His school was great. It was a village school so not sure if that makes a difference, but no one made fun of him for being behind or different. At the end of his time at that school he was even making his own friends.

However, for him mainstream school was to much and the gap just got bigger and bigger. We could see that and there was no point having him at the bottom of mainstream school for everything besides Maths. So he's not in a special autistic school and they have the teaching skills he needs to learn. I can honestly say in the last term (12 weeks) he's learnt more there than he did his whole time in mainstream school (3 years) his language has come on leaps and bounds. He's a different person. 

Also I know that some schools like to get rid of the children after year 2 due to SATs. A child is suppose to improve steadily along a graph, as you know not all children, particularly some of ours, it doesn't work like that. If they don't think they'll improve to where the government wants you they will try and move you to a different school. The reason is down to money as they get more money each they pass. Which is a shame really.


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## Peanut78

I have this feeling every time another birthday comes round. Of course I'm happy it's his birthday and we are celebrating him, but I also have that sinking feeling that another year has gone by and he still can't talk :nope:


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## alibaba24

thanks for the info mummy2o peanut does your son have any diagnosis x


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## Midnight_Fairy

Thurinius said:


> Does anyone with kids at school know what happens about homework? If our kid are unable to do it because of language etc do they just not do it?


My son either gets his owm homework, something easy, or he doesnt do it. Nowadays he is year 6 (age 10) and this is his first year doing homework. Luckily for him he has been reading since he was 2 and he has always hit his 'achievement targets' at school. That said, socially he is behind and like a 7/8yr old. X


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## Midnight_Fairy

P.s my son has autism and is in a mainstream school. In September he starts a mainstream secondary. He has a statement but no longer requires 1:1 x


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## sequeena

Hugs I am dreading school we are almost finished with statementing I can't bear him going


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## alibaba24

when will he go sequeena


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## Midnight_Fairy

Hugs. Very worrying. It will be nerve wrecking for me in Sept too. Secondary!


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## sequeena

We're looking at some schools soon and the statement is about to go in front of the panel. So anytime really.


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## alibaba24

up here they dont go until they are 4 earliest x


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## mummy2o

Midnight_Fairy said:


> Hugs. Very worrying. It will be nerve wrecking for me in Sept too. Secondary!

Could you try and find a secondary school with an autistic unit attached? We have a couple around where I live (I live in Bristol though so have loads over the area) and some parents think they are great. If school gets a bit to much they can go there and just relax for a bit then return to normal lessons. Also if he's doing fine in primary school, he'll be fine in secondary school. I have aspergers and managed fine in mainstream school (I didn't get diagnosed until 26). Plus there has been loads of improvements since I went to school and people are more aware of autism and more accommodating.


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## Midnight_Fairy

Thanks, yeah he is absolutely fine generally and loves his friends. He is in the top 3% with some of his levels and many of the SN schools do not do full gcses (currently!) Plus we live in a national park and have 3 schools available in distance) one is huge mainstream (where most go) other is a smaller secondary, which is mainstream but teachers have autism training and it has an amazing rep for children with asperger etc that function on their own but need occasional support and a sen school that is for severe needs and he doesnt really fit that. We are going and have applied for the small school and It sounds better than his junior! He wouldn't fit in at a sen school. I work at a primary sen school and I can see how he is in the right place. I am glad you thini he will be ok :) yes he has coped 7yrs in mainstream and doesn't require as much help as he used to for sure. Sometimes I dare say he even blends in! X


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## mummy2o

By what I've read, if he was my son and those where my choices I'd have picked the same.


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## RachA

Thurinius said:


> Does anyone with kids at school know what happens about homework? If our kid are unable to do it because of language etc do they just not do it?

They should give your children appropriate homework for their development. The school my two go to issues homework at the level they are at. My son (in year 3) isn't delayed but I know for a fact that his homework can be different to others in his class. 

Esther is nearly 5 months into her schooling. Her homework is pitched just above her ability level. We have reading books which are the lowest band. To start off with we read the book to her and showed her the pictures. Then she started pointing out things in the pictures that she knew the words to. Then she started pointing at the words and asking what they were. She now tells me the letters that she knows-probably about 8 letters so far that she recognises. 
She also gets sheets home with the letter of the week on it. She will colour in the specific letter and that's about it but there is more on the sheet to do, she just can't do it. 

Honesty the teachers know what to expect from the child. I know it's a worry. We spent all summer convienced we'd made a mistake sending her to mainstream but she's been fine. The gap isn't closing up but she is improving little by little. 5 months ago I would never of said she'd know 8 letters by sight and the numbers 1-8. It doesn't seem much when all the others know so much more but compared with what she did know it's huge. 

I've just been with her teacher going through her targets for the next few months. One is for her to be able to write the E, S and T for the start of her name! It doesn't sound much really. 

School is a two way thing-you need to be talking to the school as soon as you get offered the school place in order to make sure they know what's going on. We even spoke to staff at the school before she'd had the place confirmed as we were applying for a statement so we knew we'd be bike to change our minds if the school didn't present itself well.


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## Midnight_Fairy

RachA said:


> Thurinius said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone with kids at school know what happens about homework? If our kid are unable to do it because of language etc do they just not do it?
> 
> They should give your children appropriate homework for their development. The school my two go to issues homework at the level they are at. My son (in year 3) isn't delayed but I know for a fact that his homework can be different to others in his class.
> 
> Esther is nearly 5 months into her schooling. Her homework is pitched just above her ability level. We have reading books which are the lowest band. To start off with we read the book to her and showed her the pictures. Then she started pointing out things in the pictures that she knew the words to. Then she started pointing at the words and asking what they were. She now tells me the letters that she knows-probably about 8 letters so far that she recognises.
> She also gets sheets home with the letter of the week on it. She will colour in the specific letter and that's about it but there is more on the sheet to do, she just can't do it.
> 
> Honesty the teachers know what to expect from the child. I know it's a worry. We spent all summer convienced we'd made a mistake sending her to mainstream but she's been fine. The gap isn't closing up but she is improving little by little. 5 months ago I would never of said she'd know 8 letters by sight and the numbers 1-8. It doesn't seem much when all the others know so much more but compared with what she did know it's huge.
> 
> I've just been with her teacher going through her targets for the next few months. One is for her to be able to write the E, S and T for the start of her name! It doesn't sound much really.
> 
> School is a two way thing-you need to be talking to the school as soon as you get offered the school place in order to make sure they know what's going on. We even spoke to staff at the school before she'd had the place confirmed as we were applying for a statement so we knew we'd be bike to change our minds if the school didn't present itself well.Click to expand...


Agree. I already have weekly contact with his secondary x


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## RachA

Midnight_Fairy said:


> RachA said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thurinius said:
> 
> 
> Does anyone with kids at school know what happens about homework? If our kid are unable to do it because of language etc do they just not do it?
> 
> They should give your children appropriate homework for their development. The school my two go to issues homework at the level they are at. My son (in year 3) isn't delayed but I know for a fact that his homework can be different to others in his class.
> 
> Esther is nearly 5 months into her schooling. Her homework is pitched just above her ability level. We have reading books which are the lowest band. To start off with we read the book to her and showed her the pictures. Then she started pointing out things in the pictures that she knew the words to. Then she started pointing at the words and asking what they were. She now tells me the letters that she knows-probably about 8 letters so far that she recognises.
> She also gets sheets home with the letter of the week on it. She will colour in the specific letter and that's about it but there is more on the sheet to do, she just can't do it.
> 
> Honesty the teachers know what to expect from the child. I know it's a worry. We spent all summer convienced we'd made a mistake sending her to mainstream but she's been fine. The gap isn't closing up but she is improving little by little. 5 months ago I would never of said she'd know 8 letters by sight and the numbers 1-8. It doesn't seem much when all the others know so much more but compared with what she did know it's huge.
> 
> I've just been with her teacher going through her targets for the next few months. One is for her to be able to write the E, S and T for the start of her name! It doesn't sound much really.
> 
> School is a two way thing-you need to be talking to the school as soon as you get offered the school place in order to make sure they know what's going on. We even spoke to staff at the school before she'd had the place confirmed as we were applying for a statement so we knew we'd be bike to change our minds if the school didn't present itself well.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Agree. I already have weekly contact with his secondary xClick to expand...

I used to feel like I was being one of those annoying parents that feels the need to talk to the teacher about nothing important. Now I feel it's an important part of the school week. 
They send a book home each day with various bits of info in it so I know what's been going on.


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## Amy_T

I had this last year, my daughter started school in September and I was dreading it as she only turned 4 at the end of August so is the youngest in her year as well as being delayed. I feel sad when I see the others having lengthy conversations that she can't join in with but she's done really really well, her speech has progressed a lot but she's still behind the others with her speech as well as reading and writing - but she's coping and enjoying it so I feel that at this age that's a major achievement in itself. 

It's scary but these kids are so amazing. x


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## alibaba24

Amy what type of delays does your daughter have? Im freaking out for her going to school so pleased she will be one of the older ones x


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## RachA

Just wanted to share with you something that came out of Esther's review from school. 
Currently she is in a little group for things like phonics. Obviously this group is for those that are really struggling at the moment although Esther is the only one with any delays etc. she is doing ok in this group. However we were advised that in all likelyhood the gap between her and her peers will widen dramatically over the next couple of years. Then hopefully over the following years she will catch up although may never catch up totally. 
It's sounds awful when you hear it put like that but I'd rather know now that we're looking at a bigger gap than there is currently in a few years time rather than it being a shock. 
We are prepared (as much as you can be) for the fact that at done point we may need to take her out of mainstream. 
It obviously depends in the nature of the delay as to what actually happens. Some children will catch up anyway quite quickly once they are in school. Given that Esther still needs to learn how to talk consistently in proper sentances then she's likely to fall behind because her school day has a lot less actual schooling than her peers.


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## alibaba24

RachA said:


> Just wanted to share with you something that came out of Esther's review from school.
> Currently she is in a little group for things like phonics. Obviously this group is for those that are really struggling at the moment although Esther is the only one with any delays etc. she is doing ok in this group. However we were advised that in all likelyhood the gap between her and her peers will widen dramatically over the next couple of years. Then hopefully over the following years she will catch up although may never catch up totally.
> It's sounds awful when you hear it put like that but I'd rather know now that we're looking at a bigger gap than there is currently in a few years time rather than it being a shock.
> We are prepared (as much as you can be) for the fact that at done point we may need to take her out of mainstream.
> It obviously depends in the nature of the delay as to what actually happens. Some children will catch up anyway quite quickly once they are in school. Given that Esther still needs to learn how to talk consistently in proper sentances then she's likely to fall behind because her school day has a lot less actual schooling than her peers.

Thanks for sharing this. It is quite upsetting to think the gap will widen when your working so hard on closing that gap. have they put an age on where her speech and language is?


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## Midnight_Fairy

I find it hard with the gap too. M is now 10 and it is obvious thay he needs more help and has less independance!


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## RachA

I know. She's working her socks off with her speech and language stuff on top of her normal school stuff and yet she won't catch up yet. But I definitely prefer knowing what's likely to happen. 

She's (as all the children are) assessed constantly and her speech consistently falls in the 30-50months (2yrs 4mths-4yrs 2mths) bracket with some in the 40-60months. Comparing her with other children I'd say her understanding is much improved and is nearly in line with her age but her actual speech is similar to the 3 year olds I know.


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## alibaba24

Midnight_Fairy said:


> I find it hard with the gap too. M is now 10 and it is obvious thay he needs more help and has less independance!

what kind of thing does he need help with if you dont mind me asking? my fears are whether or not she will be independant


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## alibaba24

RachA said:


> I know. She's working her socks off with her speech and language stuff on top of her normal school stuff and yet she won't catch up yet. But I definitely prefer knowing what's likely to happen.
> 
> She's (as all the children are) assessed constantly and her speech consistently falls in the 30-50months (2yrs 4mths-4yrs 2mths) bracket with some in the 40-60months. Comparing her with other children I'd say her understanding is much improved and is nearly in line with her age but her actual speech is similar to the 3 year olds I know.

My daughter has just started in a language unit so I am awaiting new assesment report. her last one put her at age 3 for some things that was the lowest age shes been in speech therapy almost 1 year for 30 mins a week sometimes fortnight. now though she will recieve therapy 4 days per week in this new placement . Im trying not to pin my hopes on it but I so hope it helps close the gap a little. such a worry our kids


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## RachA

The daily salt definitely seems to help Esther as 1 issue with her is that if she doesn't do something regulary then she looses it. Even though she's only been off school for a weeks she will of lost some of her letters that she knows as I haven't been able to look at the daily with her.


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## Midnight_Fairy

alibaba24 said:


> Midnight_Fairy said:
> 
> 
> I find it hard with the gap too. M is now 10 and it is obvious thay he needs more help and has less independance!
> 
> what kind of thing does he need help with if you dont mind me asking? my fears are whether or not she will be independantClick to expand...

Well with academic stuff he is fine with and hitting levels above average but he has a scribe for some of the tests amd his SAtS. He also goes in a room with his TA rather than in class for tests. 

He needs help with fine motor, he can not do laces and sometimes needs help with zips etc

Some stuff he just can not understand because of his language delay. He can say anything and no one would notice by how he speaks but hos understanding is way way lower than his age and gets confused/takes offense easily.

Also cant walk in school alone/cant walk to friends. Cant be out my sight for even 1min and is starting secondary in 6mths. So things like that.


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## alibaba24

fortunately we don't have that her memory for things once she has learned them is really quite good. tonight especially I am just feeling drained. I feel like all I do is work on her language and fine motor skills. frustrating for us both


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## alibaba24

Thanks for sharing midnight fairy. its such a rollercoaster of emotions worrying all the time


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## RachA

That's definitely a plus. 

I know what you mean. It's so nice now that we don't have any regular appointments to take her to. 
We were advised by her SALT that now she's getting it every day at school we don't need to work on stuff with her at home as it'll just be too much for her as she doesn't get homework. If you can I would cut yourself a little slack and just enjoy playing with her etc otherwise life is just about speech and language!


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## Midnight_Fairy

I agree. Dont stress as it doesnt change thing. All will be ok xx


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## alibaba24

Thanks Ladies. Iv given myself a shake and taken a look at the bigger picture. this week she started her new nursery perfectly. She has tried 3 new foods! (this is a huge deal) she now likes chicken. and she started sunday school today x


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## RachA

That's great. 
Sometimes it's so hard to see the bigger picture but you definitely need to focus on that. 
Plus God thinks she's pretty special just as she is :)


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