# Toddler will not leave the house!



## Green Lady

And other problems. I am struggling so hard with DD anymore! I feel like she is completely in control and I'm just doing damage limitation. 

She's gotten so she doesn't want to leave the house. No amount of bribery works, and we're stuck here half the week. I don't go out, don't get anything done and don't see another adult human being all day. We gave up on the pushchair ages ago because it was just a battle every time we went out. In fact I sold it as it wsd just taking up space! But there's no option to just strap her in and go, so if she doesn't want to go we're stuck. 

WWe'll get as far as the door and she'll say "home" and want to go back in. Except she doesn't want to go in, she wants to go back out! Repeat a dozen times, end in a tantrum that has the neighbours looking out their front doors to see what is happening! 

A big problem is tiredness I think. DD seems to be dropping her nap though she still needs a sleep. I can only get her to nap maybe twice a week anymore, or sometimes she will fall asleep at something stupid like 4pm and go to bed late. But I just feel like we're stuck in a loop. I'm going nuts not being able to get the simplest errands done, and fed up with needing a mercurial toddlers permission to do anything! Any tips on how to get things back? :(


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## OmarsMum

I'd just carry her out. Omar was the same at the age, going out was a battle, dressing him was also another issue, he preferred to stay a home it was his comfort zone, he wasn't very social so I guess it was one of the reasons & his sleep was all over the place, we used to go out close to his nap time as he used to nap easily in the car. 

I also used to give him quiet time at home as he used to refuse to nap, I used to take him to the bedroom, blinds down, with a book to relax or put the tv on & give him his pillow & duvet. It used to improve his mood. At 3 yrs we were finally over this phase.


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## Green Lady

Unfortunately I can't carry her if dhe doesn't want to go, she either turns into a pro wrestler with all the kicking and screaming, or she will throw herself on the pavement and refuse to budge. I've had a few times when I had to carry her like that and it was horrible, honestly thought someone would call the police! Absolute nightmare. She is incredibly stubborn and never gives up. Once she gets worked up you can't calm her down. I do have quiet time when she doesn't sleep, but she usually just plays anyway.

DD is also a home body, very very attached to me. But she always liked going out before. Hoping this is an extended phase!


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## OmarsMum

The crying & tantrums didn't bother me but we only use the car & we live in a tower so the car is in the car parking within the building, no one used to see him screaming :haha:

I don't know Hun, it takes 4-6 weeks to build a habit, if you try to go out almost everyday she might get used to it as part of her daily routine. I know it's not easy Omar was too stubborn at that age, he was always crying & throwing tantrums, but now he's easy going in general. He argues but he's not stubborn anymore. He's still attached to me, I can't even get him to sleep in his own room. I really hope it gets easier when she's older xx


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## OmarsMum

You can try jumping & racing towards the door? It used to work, just make it like a game or something xx


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## Bex84

have you tried a scooter, buggy board or smart trike. My lo walks most of time but often gets tiered on longer periods out so its helpful to have something to give her a rest. Is there a place nearby like park on pond with ducks so you can build up walks, to be honest if I need to get stuff done and she is been fussy I strap her in the push chair or if we are walking just carry her until she calms down. We try and get out once a day though less last week due to rain. I would give her good warning to such as we are going to do this, then this then going here. When we go out I get her to look for things such as point out a car or colour


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## hattiehippo

I would 2nd just carrying her out - I know it's really hard but at the moment she is making all the choices not you and believe me she will get worse if she knows you are scared of her losing it and that she can get her own way by kicking off.

I know how hard it is - I have a very stubborn, difficult tantrum thrower who has been kicking off on and off for over 2 1/2 years.

For going out I would either get a cheap pushchair again and use it regardless of the screaming or see if making a game of going the shops/park etc works. I used to use bribes a lot tbh - we can get a 20p toy out of the machine in the shop when we've finished etc.

And practise ignoring the screaming, kicking, hitting etc again I know that's easy for me to say but I've had Tom kicking off everywhere you can imagine including my favourite, in the entrance to the main town library...that got everyone looking! :wacko:

He's much better generally now but does still have his moments and people are less understanding now he's older. His behaviour reduced me to tears last week for the first time ever!


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## _Vicky_

I would buy another buggy and strap her in - I didn't have the carry option either as I have twins so it was - do as you're told or you get in the buggy. Xx


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## SerenityNow

I agree, buy another pushchair. I'd also only take her to do things that she enjoys for a while. I rarely run errands with my DS (27 mo.) anymore. It always involves me carrying a screaming, kicking toddler at some point. Also, try giving her an enticing snack as soon as you buckle her into the pushchair.


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## Green Lady

Yes I think I will have to get another chair, especially as winter now coming. Although one of the reasons we stopped using it in the first place was she could get her arms out of the straps and I was afraid she would topple out! 

I know she needs to learn more to mind, but her tantrums are so intense they can be scary. She bangs her head hard as she can. Today she charged the door like an angry bull and head butted it! Its a miracle she has never knocked herself out. I'm so exhausted that it's 8:30 and I'm in bed. She is a sweetheart really but she can be such hard work!


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## Bex84

For straps get reigns and then use the harness bit over the straps and clip over back. My lo can get arms out but not when we do this as creates second lot of straps which is fitted tightly to body without restricting comfort


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## hattiehippo

Green Lady said:


> Yes I think I will have to get another chair, especially as winter now coming. Although one of the reasons we stopped using it in the first place was she could get her arms out of the straps and I was afraid she would topple out!
> 
> I know she needs to learn more to mind, but her tantrums are so intense they can be scary. She bangs her head hard as she can. Today she charged the door like an angry bull and head butted it! Its a miracle she has never knocked herself out. I'm so exhausted that it's 8:30 and I'm in bed. She is a sweetheart really but she can be such hard work!

I really feel for you because this was Tom at the same age. He used to refuse to leave the house or get out of the car and everything was such a battle. He has very intense violent tantrums as well that can last up to an hour.

It is def worth standing your ground in a calm quiet way and not let them take over. Tom is so much better most of the time and he accepts that I am in charge not him mostly anyways! I do negotiate with him a lot but he now understands when no is no. And I tend to tell him I understand why he is angry but he can't stay t home on his own because he's not big enough etc.

It will get better I promise x


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## ShelbyLC

I wonder if you could give this a try: have someone come over to "watch" DD while you "leave." Make a show of leaving "I'm going out, see you later." and stand outside for 5 minutes then go back inside and tell her what a good time you had while you were gone. Maybe if she realizes she's missing out, she'll be more willing to go.


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## KittyVentura

Dolls pram? Will she push a dolly for a walk? Just something different to get her going? Or make walks really special with lists of leaves and things to collect? Make a point of casual, fun walks rather than walks with a purpose for a while and I would definitely make sure you are not in a rush! let her set the pace! take time to stop and feel how rough a wall is, how waxy a leaf, say helo to a spider, jump in a puddle, float leaves on big huddles etc... Just as muchas you can to make outdoors fun for now? Autumn is a brilliant time for nature walks and experiencing things when walking Xx


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## chysantheMUM

We don't have this problem because my little girl wants to go out all the time but just wondering if props could help. Like someone suggested a bike /trike might be an idea or sometimes my LO takes her dolls pram for a walk or takes her toy dog for a walk. Also today she was begging to go splashing in puddles in her wellies, could you not suggest fun activities to do, splashing, collecting leaves / conkers. Sometimes she just takes something cuddly with her if shes feeling clingy or tired. No doubt you've already tried a lot of these ideas but I hope you find something cos its sounds very stressful :hugs:

Edit: Lol kittyventura beat me to it - great minds ;)


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## Green Lady

Thanks for the advice ladies, I have bought another pushchair! It's paid for itself already as it allowed me to do the grocery shopping! 

She didn't want to go out again this morning, bless her. Nothing at all works. I think she just wants to stay home and play with her toys! Fair enough, but Mummy needs to leave the house sometime. :dohh: In the end I had to lie and say we were going to the soft play place. We just started going again after a long break and it's novel enough to get her moving. Not a lie really, we did go, just after a detour to Argos to pick up our new chair! She likes it well enough but still kicks up a fuss if she doesn't want to go in. She can get her arms free and tries to stand up so that is a challenge, but the harness idea is very clever.

I do hope this is just a phase that will pass. She really is a great little kid, but she's stubborn as they come!


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## Bex84

the harness really does work, my lo was doing what your lo does and a friend suggested it and she hasent done it since. I don't know if this would help but my lo has better times of the day to go out, in the afternoon she is generally quite tiered so not best time to go out, I find about 10 in the morning is good for my lo


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## MumToEva

I haven't read the other responses, but it seems to me like you are giving her too much say in the matter. I think you need to adopt more of an "I'm the adult, we do as I say" attitude. My daughter has never been a sleeper, and if I left it up to her she would never have a nap, nor would she go to bed at an appropriate time. So I just have to put her up to bed and let her be. Yes she cries a bit, but if I pander to her then it just results in a very unhappy, tired little girl. I regularly feel like a mean mummy, but I know that it is the only way that works for my little girl, and I am doing what is best for her. As for the going out thing, I'd say buy a cheap lightweight pushchair and when you need to go out, just strap her in and ignore the screaming - if you are consistent she will learn that she just has to do as you say. :hugs:


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## PepsiChic

sounds like a nightmare but honestly, as above I think your allowing her to be the parent and deciding what to do.

If your going to go out because you want to she doesnt get to decide. pick her up facing away from you so the kicking hitting waving arms doesnt get you so bad plonk her in the pushchair do up the straps and go. dont talk to her, dont acknowledge the tantrum and she'll stop eventually. it'll take a while for her to realize shes no longer in charge but eventually she will stop.

Barry is the same about coming back in the house, and we dont use a pushcahir because we have to drive as everything is miles and miles away, but the moment i undo his carseat on the drive way he tries to make a run for it, throws himself on the floor, has a completely tantrum and even grabs onto the porch, the banister, the door handle and i have to pry his fingers off. we're getting there slowly though!


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