# Possibly upsetting thread - MC at home?



## aliss

For those of you who have dealt with loss, did you allow it to happen naturally (to the best of your ability, assuming no immediate risks) at home, or did you go with any sort of medical procedure?

The idea of going under GA with surgery (D&C) and/or getting pitocin to help deal with this MC is upsetting to me. I feel, even though this baby was not okay in the end, that allowing my body to do this naturally is still the best route. I couldn't have a natural labour but I'd like to do the closest thing to it. I suppose for me, it feels like proper closure. 

Thoughts??? I know this is home/natural birthing and not MC but I'd really like to hear from those of you with a very pro-home/natural perspective.


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## diz

Sorry that your going through a MC honey xxx

I dealt with both of my MC's at home. There was no risk to me and thats what i felt most comfortable with. They were both painful, but the second one was the worse with regards to pain. 

xxx


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## Tomo

Sorry to hear you're going through a MC. It's a horrible thing to go through. 

I found out that we had lost our baby last December. I was booked in for a ERPC for a few days later due to the New Years holidays, but I ended up miscarrying on my own at home. They had said that it might happen naturally, but that often it takes a long to happen- which is why that are often keen to book you in for a D&C or ERPC. 

I have to say that it was preferably to having to go into hospital for a procedure. It was uncomfortable, like prolonged period pain, but manageable with painkillers and having a warm bath. It was quite an emotional experience, but I had my husband there with me, which really helped and the fact that I could be in my own home I think did really help. 

Good luck with whatever you decide & Be kind to yourself. 

xx


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## efairie

I had both my 2 m/c at home, they wanted me to have a d+c but i refused i just wanted to be at home it seemed natural, i was sent for a scan after to check nothing had been left and i had a slight infection after the second. I dont regret doing my way
Good luck sending you hugs


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## Rebaby

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:

I've had two miscarriages, one very straightforward one at home, started with spotting on the Friday and then woke up to full scale bleeding and pain on the Saturday morning. The worst of it happened overnight Sat/Sun and throughout the day on Sunday.

I didn't even go to the GP until Monday, and she got my an appointment at EPAU on the Weds but they said it was pointless scanning me as clearly it was all over already. They had me POAS to see if my HCG had dropped and it was negative already, just 5 days after the MC had started. The bleeding continued a couple more days after that and that was that. I ovulated exactly a fortnight later and Toby was conceived.

It was my first pregnancy, and first mc, we had only found out on the Tues that i was pregnant so it was all a bit of a shock and i wasn't prepared for the intensity of the pains or how much i would bleed. I was only 5 weeks along so assumed such an early mc would be very much like a bad period but it felt very different to me. Emotionally/mentally it was intense but i really rolled with it- cried and bawled when i needed to, talked when i needed to, lay in bed being quiet when i needed to etc.

My second miscarriage was my 3rd pregnancy and very different. I knew something wasn't right from the start and sure enough an early scan confirmed things weren't looking as they should. I had scans every single week for four weeks before my miscarriage was finally officially 'confirmed' and i was offered conservative management, medical management or the surgical option. By that point i felt i had been walking around in a daze, not knowing if i was 'really' pregnant or not for a month already. My body had given me no signs that it was ready to let go, no pain, no bleeding, no spotting, nothing. I couldn't handle the waiting any longer and opted for the ERPC. I was fortunate enough to get a cancellation slot and had the procedure two days later. Physically it was very straightforward, and the pain/bleeding was very minimal, just a couple of days of discomfort and spotting afterwards. Emotionally i found it harder to connect with the experience, as i had been put under GA pregnant and then you wake up not pregnant, and i felt empty and numb and not sure how to feel or think or behave. Toby was my saviour and helped me stay positive.

This time we waited for AF to show, which it did, exactly a calendar month later, and then Rudy was conceived that cycle.

I think only you can know which is the right option for you at the time. Having experienced both a natural complete mc at home and an erpc/d&c, i wouldn't say one is any worse/better than the other. They were both very different experiences, each one difficult in it's own way but i didn't have any problems/complications from either iyswim?

I'm not sure if that will have been helpful for you but i hope so :hugs: Sending you lots and lots of hugs :hugs:


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## aliss

Thank you girls. I've been through labour once, and I am not worried to do it again (not sure how this will compare). Thank you for sharing your stories, it seems that at home/natural is just the best way for closure for me. I wanted, ironically, to have a home birth but was denied due to my son's shoulder dystocia. Now that I have the choice, I'd like to take it, even if the outcome was not what I had wanted.


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## mamaraha

So sorry you have to go through this! :hugs:

I had my miscarriage at home. I've had two hospital births and three home births, and while there were things I liked and disliked about both, I found the homebirths to be much more peaceful. With the miscarriage I wanted that peace and privacy even more. 

Just to let you know, however, at 9 wks you may have a lot of pain and bleeding. I was 10 wks and passed huge clots and lost more blood than I did with any of my babies. I also had contractions with the bleeding for about four hours before the baby came out still in the sack. It was an overwhelming experience, and while I wanted to be home because I was so emotional and not up to having strangers around, some women might feel safer/ more secure in a hospital setting.


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## aliss

mamaraha said:


> So sorry you have to go through this! :hugs:
> 
> I had my miscarriage at home. I've had two hospital births and three home births, and while there were things I liked and disliked about both, I found the homebirths to be much more peaceful. With the miscarriage I wanted that peace and privacy even more.
> 
> Just to let you know, however, at 9 wks you may have a lot of pain and bleeding. I was 10 wks and passed huge clots and lost more blood than I did with any of my babies. I also had contractions with the bleeding for about four hours before the baby came out still in the sack. It was an overwhelming experience, and while I wanted to be home because I was so emotional and not up to having strangers around, some women might feel safer/ more secure in a hospital setting.

Hi Mamarha, thank you for the details. May I ask how those contractions compared with real labour contractions? I have only had a pitocin induced labour with my son so the idea scares me but I also like the idea of the peace/privacy of the home. I don't like the idea of going under and "waking up" to find it "gone".


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## fides

i'm so sorry for your loss.

I miscarried at home, and my OB preferred natural over surgical b/c she didn't want the possibility of damaging any tissue if I could handle waiting it out at home. They did want to monitor the hcg levels in my blood until they reached zero, though, to make sure there was no retained tissue, so going in for the blood draws every few days for about a month, seeing a bunch of pregnant women in the office, was a bit tough emotionally. I am glad I was able to pass it at home, though, because I could scream and cry as much as I needed. Other women would prefer to go in and have it all done in a shorter time, which I completely understand, too - whatever makes you most comfortable.

Again, my condolences. :hugs:


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## stardust599

I'm so sorry for your loss hun.

I lost my first in 2007 just over 4 years ago at almost 12 weeks.

The pain doesn't compare to labour for me, it was very sore and intense with cramping and "pushing" to pass clots. But it was definately not as traumatic or painful as the birth of my LO which was an induction with pitocin. In the end I opted for an ERPC which was over very quickly and left me feeling a bit shocked and stunned, I think next time I would opt for a "natural" miscarriage to allow me to deal with it better emotionally. xx


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## ljo1984

I'm so sorry your going through this. I had a mmc with my first baby and I opted for erpc although it was almost a week after my dating scan so was secretly hoping for it to happen naturally! I think if I went back I would wait as then I'd of been able to see/hold her. The only good thing I got from going in was I had genetic tests so found out my baby was a girl. Xx


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## aliss

ljo1984 said:


> I'm so sorry your going through this. I had a mmc with my first baby and I opted for erpc although it was almost a week after my dating scan so was secretly hoping for it to happen naturally! I think if I went back I would wait as then I'd of been able to see/hold her. The only good thing I got from going in was I had genetic tests so found out my baby was a girl. Xx

Hi, thank you. May I ask, at 9 weeks, would they be able to do testing and tell me the gender?


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## Samantha675

I am so sorry hun. I mc'd at home as well at 6 1/2 weeks. It was all very straight forward for me. I started bleeding on a Thursday and passed the placental stump on Saturday. My MW did some blood work and told me a few things to look for, and that was about it. I would have dreaded and hated having to go to a doctor or hospital. It was a very raw time, and I just wanted to be left alone.


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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry::cry::cry: I am so deeply sorry you even have to go through this. I lost my Ava at 18 and a half weeks. A D&E was pushed on me and encouraged, i could not do it I defied the doctors and gave birth in my home. I know it is not the right choice for all but for me it was. Only you know what you can handle and what is right for you.
I wish you all the best and if you ever need a friend I am here..
I am just so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## amjon

aliss said:


> Hi, thank you. May I ask, at 9 weeks, would they be able to do testing and tell me the gender?

They would be able to tell at conception. If they are checking the DNA it is there from the beginning.


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## ljo1984

aliss said:


> ljo1984 said:
> 
> 
> I'm so sorry your going through this. I had a mmc with my first baby and I opted for erpc although it was almost a week after my dating scan so was secretly hoping for it to happen naturally! I think if I went back I would wait as then I'd of been able to see/hold her. The only good thing I got from going in was I had genetic tests so found out my baby was a girl. Xx
> 
> Hi, thank you. May I ask, at 9 weeks, would they be able to do testing and tell me the gender?Click to expand...

Yeh they will be able to tell, although they don't generally do genetic testing I don't think, maybe something to ask. At my dating scan they had quearied conjoined twins so thats why they did it, turned out there was no twin just a shadow on the scan but she had a balanced translocation of 2 chromosomes but normally with this they are born normal and don't have problems until they are ttc themselves. So still don't know why! It is so hard deciding which route to take! I know it took me 4 days and in the end opted for the quickest least traumatic but now I wish I could have seen her. If you ever want to talk just pm me. Thinking of you. Xxx


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## lynnikins

ive dealt with my MC's at home they had me do another POAS test 2wks later to make sure things were done and to make sure to let them know if i was still bleeding or in any pain at that point


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## Quackquack99

I'm so sorry :( when I mc I dealt with it at home. I was petrified of going under or being prodded inside. So I got to say bye in my own way. But I did take a test a couple of weeks later to see if my hormone levels have dropped


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## chuck

Aliss my thoughts are with you, I know you were hoping to do things differently so much.

Allow this experience to make you stronger, it will take time but you can take this experience and you can grow from it.


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## aliss

Thank you girls for all your support and sharing your experiences :hugs:

My OH is fully supportive and so far, just waiting.


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## chuck

Remember you dont have to say good bye to us we're always here for a chat and support.


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## aliss

Thank you girls for all your personal stories and support, it has really given me the desire for the "home birth" that we wanted, even under the worst of circumstances. We have family a few streets away who is aware of what's going to happen and they are on speed dial to come pick up Alexandre when the time comes (it will upset him to witness, I've been told at 9-10 weeks, it will be similar to actual contractions/a short labour). Thanks chuck, I'll still be around :) If I can have Evie at home, maybe that will be the push I need to be brave for #3.


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## chuck

Like I said it'll be tough really tough but eventually you can use this to help make you stronger it wont all be in vain.

X


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## aliss

Thank you :hugs: I've seen the doctor and she is supportive of my home "birth" with Evie. I have started my Misoprostol pills and it should happen within the next 3 days. Thanks for your support.


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## aliss

I think Evie will be coming tonight, I am getting some tightenings that apparently are what people call early labour pains. Since I was pumped full of pitocin with Alexandre's horrific labour, I suppose this is what natural contractions may start like. Hmm.... not minding the experience, as bizarre as that sounds. I think Evie will be my little angel to restore my faith in labour. I know obviously at almost 10 weeks it is not the same as full term but still... it's a bit of an eye opening experience.


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## chuck

Hope things go smoothly for your LO's early birthday.


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## modo

Oh Aliss I am so sorry :hugs:


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## ljo1984

aliss said:


> I think Evie will be coming tonight, I am getting some tightenings that apparently are what people call early labour pains. Since I was pumped full of pitocin with Alexandre's horrific labour, I suppose this is what natural contractions may start like. Hmm.... not minding the experience, as bizarre as that sounds. I think Evie will be my little angel to restore my faith in labour. I know obviously at almost 10 weeks it is not the same as full term but still... it's a bit of an eye opening experience.

i had pitocin with imogen too, although was going natural before hand, and sounds like early labour. i hope things went/are going smoothly. im thinking of you. sending loads of :hugs: and floaty :kiss: for you little angel. xxxx


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## numum

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: a beautiful angel spreads her wings. I am so sorry aliss. Like you so bravely said maybe evie will help you take a huge leap of faith all love and lighting a candle here for her x


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope things went as gently as they could for you and little Evie. Fly high little angel xxx


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## Lliena

So sorry Aliss :hugs:


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## aliss

Thanks girls :hugs: It's over, happened in the peace of my own home and not in the hospital surgery, I wouldn't have had it any other way :hugs: Thanks for your support and encouraging stories of doing it at home. Most other women I spoke to have had a D&C instead. It was hard to wait knowing the baby had died almost 2 weeks before but in the end I think this was better mentally.


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## ljo1984

Glad all went well and you got to say goodbye properly to your angel. Like I said I had a d&c with grace but would definatly opt for home if anything like that was to happen again. Sending lots of love to you and evie, she'll always be with you. Xxxxx


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## InVivoVeritas

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

I've had one D&C and four miscarriages at home. The D&C was hell, unsupportive midwives, questions not answered and no respect for my grief at losing a very much loved baby.

When I miscarried at home my heart was still broken, but at least I could do things my way and say goodbye properly. It made the loss easier to come to terms with.


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## summer rain

Hi Hun

Sorry to hear about your loss. I had a MMC in 2009, I only got my BFP at about 8 weeks and something just didn't feel right about the pregnancy that I couldn't put my finger on. The hospital messed up my booking so my booking appt and scan were scheduled for nearly 16 weeks, the evening after my booking appointment I started to bleed heavily in my poor in laws house-just exactly a week before my BIL and his wife had their daughter at 26 wks and she died at 48 hours old. We went to A&E and they said it may be a miscarriage but for various reasons they decided it probably wasn't and moved my scan forward by 2 days, when the lady did the scan it took her a long time to find the baby because he or she had stopped growing at 9 or 10 weeks. It was really horrible and we had to wait hours to speak to a specialist who said we could go for the surgery but he would personally advise waiting and seeing, as the bleeding although it had tapered off meant things had probably started to happen. They don't do the tablet option as it has various risks associated with it.

So we went home and I had the idea of taking various supplements with high levels of natural prostaglandins in to help things along, maybe it was a fluke but around 45 minutes after taking those, 32 capsules altogether of starflower oil, black seed oil and flax seed oil things really started to happen. The amount of blood was a lot and I did nearly faint at one point but I think that was due to the ick factor of the blood as opposed to any medical reason, for me the sac with baby came out first and fell into the toilet bowl so I fished it out, it was surreal to think this could have been a baby, it was so teeny. The placenta was the worst bit, as the sac and placenta had continued to grow so both were quite big. After 4 hours the bleeding went to a light pinkish discharge.

At my local hospital they rescan you every 2 weeks until they are sure everything has come out, thankfully this took only 2 scans for me. I would only do things this way in the future, it was upsetting and traumatic but wasn't very painful plus I was in my own home. Xx


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