# Joint custody of a newborn?



## cassmama

Hello all. To start I am from Canada and am expecting in 5 months or so. Recently I have split up with my boyfriend ( the father) of my child to be. He wants joint custody and I have no idea how that works. I believe he will be caring but I don't feel comfortable leaving my newborn child in the care of anyone else. Is there any way I can wait until the baby is grown more? I don't plan to exclude him entirely but a baby needs stability especially in the first year. What can I do!? Anyone been in the same position??


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## jessrabbit

I'm in a similar position but in the UK so cant advise on how your legal system works. Do believe though that no judge would expect you to hand over a new born baby to father straight away, especially if you are breast feeding. 

Quite lucky as FOB said to me he doesnt expect to have baby straight away as I wont want to. So glad he understands. Hopefully someone from Canada can answer your question.


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## Lemonflower

I'm in the same situation aswell lovey but also from the UK! 
I have a thread further down with some helpful replies that you can take a look at.
xxx


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## Lemonflower

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## davidjoemum

hi i didnt want r+r i think that he cannot take newborn under his care for more than 2 hours especially when you breast feeding and also u need to have time in the beginning to bond with the child.i think that you can point that also that u dont wish any third person be involved in child life like his girlfriends ect.unless he is married to not get child confused.or try to just talk to him that he is more than welcome in your house anytime until baby is big enough or that may be naughty of me to say but if you have any dirt on him hidden in your sleeve use it .i hope i helped.


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## davidjoemum

i have question to you is the father of your child is attending with you to antenatal classes doctor/midwife appointments scans is he supportive and is he gonna be present in a birth of the child?if not there you go nail in his coffin but if yes you still got your right to say no to joint custody.


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## cassmama

davidjoemum said:


> i have question to you is the father of your child is attending with you to antenatal classes doctor/midwife appointments scans is he supportive and is he gonna be present in a birth of the child?if not there you go nail in his coffin but if yes you still got your right to say no to joint custody.

He won't be there for any following appointments but he was there for the first ultrasound. I do not however want him there for the birth. I don't want much to do with him around because it causes me so much stress. He has also never taken and courses of any childcare kind. I don't know how he will handle it!?


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## davidjoemum

cassmama said:


> davidjoemum said:
> 
> 
> i have question to you is the father of your child is attending with you to antenatal classes doctor/midwife appointments scans is he supportive and is he gonna be present in a birth of the child?if not there you go nail in his coffin but if yes you still got your right to say no to joint custody.
> 
> He won't be there for any following appointments but he was there for the first ultrasound. I do not however want him there for the birth. I don't want much to do with him around because it causes me so much stress. He has also never taken and courses of any childcare kind. I don't know how he will handle it!?Click to expand...

you know what i was watching tv documentary today here in england about that and you dont have to agree to full custody if you not comfortable with that and now u telling me that he aint got clue about baby care ect and he cause you lots of stress even if you put him on baby birth certificate he has no right to take kid from you whenever he fancy.


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## davidjoemum

by the way i dont think he will get joint custody with snap of his fingers unless he'll prove in court that u r unfit mother

i hope i helped
hugs(((((((((())))))))))))))))


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## aliss

I'm not a single mom but I'm from Canada and have some experience with family law.

First, as an unmarried mother you have the natural right of custody.

Everything is according to the child's best interest - which means establishing a relationship with the father BUT with custody being granted to the primary caregiver. That means you as mom.

If you don't list him on the birth registry then he must seek paternity through the courts - technically, he may not even be "dad" until quite some time (I'm unclear if you are doing this or not).

Perhaps it is different in the UK but breastfeeding is not good enough for the courts here. The court will likely give you primary custody with some visitation but this will not be based on breastfeeding. They will expect you to pump or use formula. The courts deem the breastfeeding relationship to be less important than the bonding with the father.

It would be well worth it to you to speak with a lawyer and/or some women's groups for some more information - UK law and Canadian law are very different about child custody.


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## Mally01

Wow, in Canada the bond with the father is deemed as more important than feeding the child properly?? that's harsh. I can't see how that would work effectively for the LO, especially if you have a situation where the baby is breastfed only and routinely and it's hard for the Mum to pump/ express enough milk on demand for even e.g a days worth of feed if the father takes the baby to his home. I also know that stop/starting the physical act of breastfeeding is not good for the baby either, so if the FOB has the baby for like a whole weekend, then it totally disrupts the mother/baby bonding (which I deem as _way_ more important than a father/baby initial bonding. 

Weird how countries do things so differently. I'd be mad as hell if my early newborn had to spend days away from me in the beginning, as the routine I establish would be messed up to hell and cause me endless crying baby problems to deal with and the father could rest easy, whilst the mum who has the baby most of the time deals with the disruption. Phew!


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## aliss

Mally01 said:


> Wow, in Canada the bond with the father is deemed as more important than feeding the child properly?? that's harsh. I can't see how that would work effectively for the LO, especially if you have a situation where the baby is breastfed only and routinely and it's hard for the Mum to pump/ express enough milk on demand for even e.g a days worth of feed if the father takes the baby to his home. I also know that stop/starting the physical act of breastfeeding is not good for the baby either, so if the FOB has the baby for like a whole weekend, then it totally disrupts the mother/baby bonding (which I deem as _way_ more important than a father/baby initial bonding.
> 
> Weird how countries do things so differently. I'd be mad as hell if my early newborn had to spend days away from me in the beginning, as the routine I establish would be messed up to hell and cause me endless crying baby problems to deal with and the father could rest easy, whilst the mum who has the baby most of the time deals with the disruption. Phew!

The laws are written by old men............ :( In the beginning, then fathers generally have supervised visitation with the mother present (so the breastfeeding is not put off) but as time goes on (ie. a 1 year old) then they are expected to pump or give a bottle.

A lot of fathers are all talk though - once they spend enough time with a cluster feeding newborn, talk of overnights etc. tends to go away..... :nope: I don't know of any man who would actually want joint custody of a newborn (ie. the WORK of a newborn) once they realize how difficult it is!

Good luck OP :)


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