# so sam, (see post 15)



## rjb

has gotten me somethin for valentines day that he says is coming tomorrow,
and he's asked me to marry him again :blush:
so.
that was my day.
how was everyone else's?


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## rubixcyoob.

My day was good, my parent's came back from holiday, it was my dads birthday and now just relaxing.

What did Sam get you?

And I know you won't like this, but I have no idea how you can get engaged at 15 years old. At 15 you don't know who you really are or where you are going in life so how you can decide to marry someone then is beyond me. Especially someone you are too scared to meet because your parents. Idk, it just seems pretend too me.


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## Leah_xx

My day pretty much sucked untill later this evening
And aww hun I'm excited for you.
Glad Sam is there for you 2 now


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## rjb

rubixcyoob. said:


> My day was good, my parent's came back from holiday, it was my dads birthday and now just relaxing.
> 
> What did Sam get you?
> 
> And I know you won't like this, but I have no idea how you can get engaged at 15 years old. At 15 you don't know who you really are or where you are going in life so how you can decide to marry someone then is beyond me. Especially someone you are too scared to meet because your parents. Idk, it just seems pretend too me.

lol it is all pretend for now.
he's been asking me to marry him for a year or so now
i just think it's cute :blush::cloud9:


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## Tanara

_It was Tayes birthday today, so my morning was depressing because he's at his Dads, but I got to spend the day playing with fayth, watching sponge bob (its totally her favorite show, probably cause her brother loves it) Then OH cooked a yummy supper and bought me flowers and gave me a long letter he wrote. 

Were gonna cuddle up and watch movies when hes out of the shower.

Glad you had a good day (and I got engaged to my sons father when I was 15 and I bought a dress had the certificate waiting to be signed and everything. Age doesn't matter IMO. We would have got married if I wouldn't have left._


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## vinteenage

Our day was good! We went to Olive Garden before the mad rush started, Finn was a good baby and got cooed over by other diners. Then we went and saw Evan's grandparents who hadn't seen Finn since last month. Lastly we went to the mall and bought Finn about $150 worth of stuff (clothes, diapers, wipes, formula, etc). :blush:


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## x__amour

My day was good! We all had a lay in until 1pm, lol. Then later Zach's mom watched Tori and we saw The Roommate. It was okay. It was late then so we didn't get dinner. But he got me a really cute card and chocolates. :)


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## faolan5109

Congrats!:flower:

Eh not the greatest fought with the man because he had his man period or something.:haha:
But lane was a great valentine before I had to work. We played all day and he gave me hugs all day.:happydance:


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## Marzipan_girl

Awww I think it's sweet he asked you to marry him, even if it IS just pretend :) At least you know he loves you!! 

My day was lovely, but we're actually officially celebrating on Saturday as he works during the week. On Saturday we're going for dinner, (a suprise restaurant....I'm not sure where yet!) and then onto the theatre in the West End to see a show called The Woman in Black. We're doing prezzies on that day too...:winkwink: I'm soooo excited :happydance:


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## rjb

he got me a dozen roses and candy :)
:cloud9:


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## 17thy

It was our 1 year anniversery for conceiving Emerald! Lol.
I went to work with DH and ate lots of chocolate :)

And I lost DH's present :(


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## Marzipan_girl

rjb said:


> he got me a dozen roses and candy :)
> :cloud9:

Thats so cute!!!


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## Burchy314

Awww how sweet! It seems like he really wants to be there for you guys! I got nothing and my valentines day sucked. I woke up went to the dentist, found out I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled, then went to drivers ed. I didn't even get to spend time with OH since he was at work.

Oh and I got engaged a month after I turned 16. Just because you get engaged doesn't mean you will be married within months. I have been engaged for 2 years now and will be three years this december. We hope to get married either this summer or next summer. Also I was afraid to bring my OH around my parents at first but that didnt keep me from loving him. I think she is old enough to love, know what she wants, and get engaged. I mean she was old enough to have a baby!


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## lily123

We had a fab time :)
Although, could hardly sit down all day today iykwim :winkwink:
xxx


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## rjb

:cloud9::cloud9:


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## annawrigley

But in all fairness 12 year olds are old enough to have babies, I just think at 15 you are soo young still and I know I sound horribly patronising since I'm only 18 but I look back and laugh at how I was at 15 because I was SO different, its only 3 years but its a huge leap and so much about you changes x


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## Mellie1988

Wss ^ 

I remember being with an ex and begging him to propose to me :s I was only 15 at the time and I thought I wanted to marry him....thank fook I didn't haha, but yeah I was so young and naive, I have definitely changed ALOT since I was 15 and my views on relationships and marriage etc are totally different!


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## rjb

if i were to decide to marry sam, and please don't take this badly girls because i adore you all,
but if i were to make this decision, it's one i'd be making for myself


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## cabbagebaby

do what you feel's right and if it goes wrong it goes wrong we all have to learn from are mistakes :flower:


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## amygwen

I don't even remember being 15 :dohh:


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## Bumblebee20

rubixcyoob. said:


> My day was good, my parent's came back from holiday, it was my dads birthday and now just relaxing.
> 
> What did Sam get you?
> 
> And I know you won't like this, but I have no idea how you can get engaged at 15 years old. At 15 you don't know who you really are or where you are going in life so how you can decide to marry someone then is beyond me. Especially someone you are too scared to meet because your parents. Idk, it just seems pretend too me.

I totaly agree with this sorry op.iv been with my oh since I was 15,have two kids with him,been living with him for 4 years and we love eachother to bits but stil woudnt marry eachother not yet anyway and were 20.
But everyone is different.


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## rjb

no need to apologize, it's your opinion
doesn't hurt my feelings at all :flower:


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## rainbows_x

I got engaged at 17. Worst decision of my life - not saying that because of my age, it was because he was a dick :lol:

It's up to you at the day. :flower:


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## xforuiholdonx

He sounds like a sweetheart, :)


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## Hotbump

i think we all know we can sit here and tell her not to get married but at the end of the day the decision is hers. The only way you learn in life is if you make your own mistakes. I dont think your wrong for accepting his proposal if you do but thats just me. Im not 15 im 19 and in my heritage is normal to marry young :shrug: that's imo. Haha i dont remember being 17 much less 15 im amazed how my parents can remember themselves being 8 yrs old when i can barely remember last year :rofl:


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## Burchy314

Of course it is her choice since it is her life, but like you said you change in the years. We can be completly different at age 25 then we are now at 18. People change, that's what they do when they get new and different experiences. When I was 15 I was the same as I am today except I was dreaming of being in love and having a family, now it is a reality. Some people find out who they are earlier then others. I know girls who change complety and I know girls who are like 22 who are the exact same as they were a 15. Everyone is different.


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## x__amour

What a sweetheart! That's too cute! :flower:


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## Croc-O-Dile

Am I the only one who read where she said she WASN'T running off and getting married to him? It's like if I said "I want to have more children some day" and everyone started telling me why I shouldn't get pregnant next week. I never said next week, I just said some day. And she just thought it was cute that he was saying it, not that she's going and picking out a dress. :flower:


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## lily123

Becca, pleeease don't take offence at this but i really don't think it's a good idea considering the circumstances. I remember you saying he used to be abusive and that he's only recently changed, well don't you think you should give him a bit longer to prove that he actually HAS changed?? Your parents won't even let you see him, and in all honesty how do you know he won't fall back into old habits? I realize things have changed since you had Adelaide, but 15 is just so young, and you've got so much time ahead of you to get to know each other 100% - because trust me, you never really know someone until you live with them!
xxx


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## Bumblebee20

Hotbump said:


> i think we all know we can sit here and tell her not to get married but at the end of the day the decision is hers. The only way you learn in life is if you make your own mistakes. I dont think your wrong for accepting his proposal if you do but thats just me. Im not 15 im 19 and in my heritage is normal to marry young :shrug: that's imo. Haha i dont remember being 17 much less 15 im amazed how my parents can remember themselves being 8 yrs old when i can barely remember last year :rofl:

I never said she cant get married??she can do what she wants,i just gave my opnion.


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## Bumblebee20

lily123 said:


> Becca, pleeease don't take offence at this but i really don't think it's a good idea considering the circumstances. I remember you saying he used to be abusive and that he's only recently changed, well don't you think you should give him a bit longer to prove that he actually HAS changed?? Your parents won't even let you see him, and in all honesty how do you know he won't fall back into old habits? I realize things have changed since you had Adelaide, but 15 is just so young, and you've got so much time ahead of you to get to know each other 100% - because trust me, you never really know someone until you live with them!
> xxx

Yay someone else who talks sence


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## annawrigley

lily123 said:


> Becca, pleeease don't take offence at this but i really don't think it's a good idea considering the circumstances. I remember you saying he used to be abusive and that he's only recently changed, well don't you think you should give him a bit longer to prove that he actually HAS changed?? Your parents won't even let you see him, and in all honesty how do you know he won't fall back into old habits? I realize things have changed since you had Adelaide, but 15 is just so young, and you've got so much time ahead of you to get to know each other 100% - because trust me,* you never really know someone until you live with them!*
> xxx

Hear hear :wacko:

Of course its your choice Becca, nobodys denying that I just think you'll look back when you're 20 and find it funny you ever even considered it :flower:


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## Desi's_lost

Croc-O-Dile said:


> Am I the only one who read where she said she WASN'T running off and getting married to him? It's like if I said "I want to have more children some day" and everyone started telling me why I shouldn't get pregnant next week. I never said next week, I just said some day. And she just thought it was cute that he was saying it, not that she's going and picking out a dress. :flower:

i'm glad someone else noticed this lol. and just adding, i met a boy when i was a month past 16 that i would probably have grown up and married if he didnt live so far away and i didnt end up having a child. its about connection, not age.


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## Burchy314

I noticed that too. I was really just trying to say that it doesn't matter if she is 15 or 30, if she feels as though its what she wants she should do it. Reading back on the posts I had it did kinda seem as though I was talking about her going off soon to do exept I am pretty sure I said "just because you get engaged at 15 doesn't mean you will get married at 15" there are such things as long engagements. 

Oh and I like what Desi said "its about connection not age"


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## annawrigley

:headspin:


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## lily123

It's not her age i'm thinking of, it's her past with this man. He's abused her before, and things like that should not be taken lightly, Especially as there is a baby involved too! He might well have changed for good, but i just think it's a little soon to judge, and would most likely be in her and her daughter's best interest to wait and see.
x


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## Desi's_lost

lily123 said:


> It's not her age i'm thinking of, it's her past with this man. He's abused her before, and things like that should not be taken lightly, Especially as there is a baby involved too! He might well have changed for good, but i just think it's a little soon to judge, and would most likely be in her and her daughter's best interest to wait and see.
> x

this i agree with for sure. i dont think she plans on anything happening with him anytime soon though.


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## rjb

i'm definitely not marrying him tomorrow :haha:
i've told him he has a lot to prove to me first.
i just thought i was cute, i didn't mean to strike up a political debate :shrug:


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## rubixcyoob.

Croc-O-Dile said:


> Am I the only one who read where she said she WASN'T running off and getting married to him? It's like if I said "I want to have more children some day" and everyone started telling me why I shouldn't get pregnant next week. I never said next week, I just said some day. And she just thought it was cute that he was saying it, not that she's going and picking out a dress. :flower:



I didn't say don't marry him, I said don't get engaged at 15. At 15 you do not know who you are, you aren't even out of puberty. You aren't set on your future, your wants, your likes and dislikes romantically - nothing.

15 is a silly age to get engaged at. In the UK you have to be 18 to by a knife, and getting 'engaged' before you can legally buy a knife yourself to cut your engagement/wedding cake is ridiculous.

At 15 you are a child still, haven't experience much in the real life of love and shouldn't make decisions based on boys mid way through puberty.





lily123 said:


> It's not her age i'm thinking of, it's her past with this man. He's abused her before, and things like that should not be taken lightly, Especially as there is a baby involved too! He might well have changed for good, but i just think it's a little soon to judge, and would most likely be in her and her daughter's best interest to wait and see.
> x



Hear hear.
She is young and that can often cloud the mind when it comes to abusive partners, when we are younger we are more willing to brush people's pasts behind them, live and let live etc.


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## Hotbump

i didnt know he was abusive. Anyways yall know that my OH was abusive to me and eventhough he has change his way (well he hasnt had a slip up) i do not trust him completly just yet. I have my suit case ready incase he fails. The car is under my name and so are the living room and bedroom sets(they use to be under his name). He has been great so far helping me with everything. Sorry i just wanted to throw that in to show that SOME people do change :flower: just take his change of behavior with a pinch of salt.


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## rubixcyoob.

Your OH isn't a 15 year old boy though, that's what people are saying. He's a grown man not going through all the teenage silliness.


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## Croc-O-Dile

I am the last person who would ever make excuses for an abuser. I am very unforgiving in that sense and won't even touch that subject because it's still very raw for me. All I was saying was that Becca's thread wasn't about her getting married or even getting engaged. It was about how she thought it was cute that he was saying it. He's asked her several times to marry him, but you don't see her going around flashing a ring and saying she's engaged.

Am I the only one who realizes BnB is like Facebook? IF THERE'S NO TICKER IT'S NOT OFFICIAL! :winkwink:


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## lucy_x

Am i the only one who doesnt really see an engagement as that bigger deal?
I mean, I have a ring, We got engaged at 16 (remember only a year older than 15!) but it means sod all.... to me anyway, Its only a ring, a commitment that "one day, maybe" we may get married.
and IMO (remember only my opinion!!!) Having a baby is a far bigger commitment :shrug:

As far as im concerned, Engagements are only official when the dress is bought :haha:

Probs just made myself look like a t**t saying that, But just intrested to see others thoughts :flower:


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## rubixcyoob.

Croc-O-Dile said:


> I am the last person who would ever make excuses for an abuser. I am very unforgiving in that sense and won't even touch that subject because it's still very raw for me. All I was saying was that Becca's thread wasn't about her getting married or even getting engaged. It was about how she thought it was cute that he was saying it. He's asked her several times to marry him, but you don't see her going around flashing a ring and saying she's engaged.
> 
> Am I the only one who realizes BnB is like Facebook? IF THERE'S NO TICKER IT'S NOT OFFICIAL! :winkwink:



What I'm about to write explains everything.



lucy_x said:


> Am i the only one who doesnt really see an engagement as that bigger deal?
> I mean, I have a ring, We got engaged at 16 (remember only a year older than 15!) but it means sod all.... to me anyway, Its only a ring, a commitment that "one day, maybe" we may get married.
> and IMO (remember only my opinion!!!) Having a baby is a far bigger commitment :shrug:
> 
> As far as im concerned, Engagements are only official when the dress is bought :haha:
> 
> Probs just made myself look like a t**t saying that, But just intrested to see others thoughts :flower:

Honestly, to me, I would say if that's your attiutude you aren't engaged.

To me an engagement isn't something you flaff about with saying that you and the OH will 'maybe' get married 'one day'. To me an engagement means that you are definately getting married, in the proccess of planning and doing so, regardless of how long. Not just a 'maybe'.

To me the term 'engaged' means the traditional sense, 'engaged to be married', meaning that you are getting married, end of.
I, personally, could never flap about with an engagement on the thought of maybe. I plan on being engaged and married once, to my soul mate, who upon an engagement I will plan and commence my wedding to him. 

Engagements aren't something willy nilly without reason. If that were the case anyone with an OH could get 'engaged' because they might one day marry that person. But it means sod all when those feelings aren't certain and if everyone done it, then 'engagement' would just become another word for 'relationship'.

And to me a boy who decides to ask many times and a girl who finds it cute - that's not engagement, thats kiddy love. Puppy love. And it should never be confused with, nor compared to, real, forever, committed love like an engagement declares. Otherwise, it takes away the magic from the moment, takes away the meaning and degrades it.

If you are not using the 'engaged' position to show you are 100% getting married to that person (at that moment in time, things can change) then you are not 'engaged', simply in a relationship. Similarly, if you just see 'engagement' as a funny, casual, whatever thing then you are not mature enough to be engaged.

My personal opinion.


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## amygwen

rubixcyoob. said:


> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> I am the last person who would ever make excuses for an abuser. I am very unforgiving in that sense and won't even touch that subject because it's still very raw for me. All I was saying was that Becca's thread wasn't about her getting married or even getting engaged. It was about how she thought it was cute that he was saying it. He's asked her several times to marry him, but you don't see her going around flashing a ring and saying she's engaged.
> 
> Am I the only one who realizes BnB is like Facebook? IF THERE'S NO TICKER IT'S NOT OFFICIAL! :winkwink:
> 
> 
> 
> What I'm about to write explains everything.
> 
> 
> 
> lucy_x said:
> 
> 
> Am i the only one who doesnt really see an engagement as that bigger deal?
> I mean, I have a ring, We got engaged at 16 (remember only a year older than 15!) but it means sod all.... to me anyway, Its only a ring, a commitment that "one day, maybe" we may get married.
> and IMO (remember only my opinion!!!) Having a baby is a far bigger commitment :shrug:
> 
> As far as im concerned, Engagements are only official when the dress is bought :haha:
> 
> Probs just made myself look like a t**t saying that, But just intrested to see others thoughts :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> Honestly, to me, I would say if that's your attiutude you aren't engaged.
> 
> To me an engagement isn't something you flaff about with saying that you and the OH will 'maybe' get married 'one day'. To me an engagement means that you are definately getting married, in the proccess of planning and doing so, regardless of how long. Not just a 'maybe'.
> 
> To me the term 'engaged' means the traditional sense, 'engaged to be married', meaning that you are getting married, end of.
> I, personally, could never flap about with an engagement on the thought of maybe. I plan on being engaged and married once, to my soul mate, who upon an engagement I will plan and commence my wedding to him.
> 
> Engagements aren't something willy nilly without reason. If that were the case anyone with an OH could get 'engaged' because they might one day marry that person. But it means sod all when those feelings aren't certain and if everyone done it, then 'engagement' would just become another word for 'relationship'.
> 
> And to me a boy who decides to ask many times and a girl who finds it cute - that's not engagement, thats kiddy love. Puppy love. And it should never be confused with, nor compared to, real, forever, committed love like an engagement declares. Otherwise, it takes away the magic from the moment, takes away the meaning and degrades it.
> 
> If you are not using the 'engaged' position to show you are 100% getting married to that person (at that moment in time, things can change) then you are not 'engaged', simply in a relationship. Similarly, if you just see 'engagement' as a funny, casual, whatever thing then you are not mature enough to be engaged.
> 
> My personal opinion.Click to expand...


Amy, I love you :hugs:


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## rubixcyoob.

I love you too Amy!

Just seen the US meet thread, going my nosey as I was bored - when and where are you in the UK woman!?

(I feel like I was talking in third person to myself just there, with the Amy'ing lol)


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## Bumblebee20

*Claps hands*
:-S


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## amygwen

rubixcyoob. said:


> I love you too Amy!
> 
> Just seen the US meet thread, going my nosey as I was bored - when and where are you in the UK woman!?
> 
> (I feel like I was talking in third person to myself just there, with the Amy'ing lol)


LOL
I'll be visiting July 27th-August 8th to visit family!! All my family lives in Doncaster and then my brother lives in Southampton so we'll be going there and also spending two days in London!! I am soooooo excited :happydance: I get to drink! WOOHOO

Hahaha I know.


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## lucy_x

rubixcyoob. said:


> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> I am the last person who would ever make excuses for an abuser. I am very unforgiving in that sense and won't even touch that subject because it's still very raw for me. All I was saying was that Becca's thread wasn't about her getting married or even getting engaged. It was about how she thought it was cute that he was saying it. He's asked her several times to marry him, but you don't see her going around flashing a ring and saying she's engaged.
> 
> Am I the only one who realizes BnB is like Facebook? IF THERE'S NO TICKER IT'S NOT OFFICIAL! :winkwink:
> 
> 
> 
> What I'm about to write explains everything.
> 
> 
> 
> lucy_x said:
> 
> 
> Am i the only one who doesnt really see an engagement as that bigger deal?
> I mean, I have a ring, We got engaged at 16 (remember only a year older than 15!) but it means sod all.... to me anyway, Its only a ring, a commitment that "one day, maybe" we may get married.
> and IMO (remember only my opinion!!!) Having a baby is a far bigger commitment :shrug:
> 
> As far as im concerned, Engagements are only official when the dress is bought :haha:
> 
> Probs just made myself look like a t**t saying that, But just intrested to see others thoughts :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> Honestly, to me, I would say if that's your attiutude you aren't engaged.
> 
> To me an engagement isn't something you flaff about with saying that you and the OH will 'maybe' get married 'one day'. To me an engagement means that you are definately getting married, in the proccess of planning and doing so, regardless of how long. Not just a 'maybe'.
> 
> To me the term 'engaged' means the traditional sense, 'engaged to be married', meaning that you are getting married, end of.
> I, personally, could never flap about with an engagement on the thought of maybe. I plan on being engaged and married once, to my soul mate, who upon an engagement I will plan and commence my wedding to him.
> 
> Engagements aren't something willy nilly without reason. If that were the case anyone with an OH could get 'engaged' because they might one day marry that person. But it means sod all when those feelings aren't certain and if everyone done it, then 'engagement' would just become another word for 'relationship'.
> 
> And to me a boy who decides to ask many times and a girl who finds it cute - that's not engagement, thats kiddy love. Puppy love. And it should never be confused with, nor compared to, real, forever, committed love like an engagement declares. Otherwise, it takes away the magic from the moment, takes away the meaning and degrades it.
> 
> If you are not using the 'engaged' position to show you are 100% getting married to that person (at that moment in time, things can change) then you are not 'engaged', simply in a relationship. Similarly, if you just see 'engagement' as a funny, casual, whatever thing then you are not mature enough to be engaged.
> 
> My personal opinion.Click to expand...

:flower: Fair enough.

_Engagements aren't something willy nilly without reason. If that were the case anyone with an OH could get 'engaged' because they might one day marry that person. But it means sod all when those feelings aren't certain and if everyone done it, then 'engagement' would just become another word for 'relationship'.
_
Unfortuantly you have just summed up how i have only ever seen engagement. sad really.

_personally, could never flap about with an engagement on the thought of maybe. I plan on being engaged and married once, to my soul mate, who upon an engagement I will plan and commence my wedding to him. _
Isnt that everyones intentions :shrug: My mum has been engaged 3 times, Married three times, Divorced, Yep you guessed it 3 times... Sometimes things dont work out, It doesnt mean that at the time she thought they were her soul mate?

My other thing, Once me and OH got engaged, We planned our wedding. Hell we even booked it..(something in the family happend, It nearly tore us apart hence why im not married)
So at the time engagement meant something to me.

Maybe its just me & people i know (After all not many people i know even do engagements, they just nip down to the registry office) that have tainted my opinion. Im a bit sour too as i have only ever seen marriages fail (except ofcourse my lovely grannys) - Just because you get engaged and married doesnt mean its forever... 

Maybe im just not traditional anymore, Living with someone and having their child is commitment enough for me :flower: Having his name, his ring whatever isnt going to change that commitment.

Lol Id just like to add, That i dont actually ever use the term "engaged" or "fiance" when i address my OH (I only used it in my above post to simplify things) Maybe if we had actually gotten married when we planned it (booked and payed for!) and MIL hadnt fucked everything up id have a differnt view on the situation, Maybe i wouldnt be so bitter about "engagments" and marriage........., Maybe i just see it as a ring now? Hell i dont even wear the thing anymore, My fingers are too fat!

Sorry went off on a tangent there :haha: I hope one day, When im not so bitter about it failing last time i share your views :flower:

Maybe i should have explained myself better the first time.

hope that makes sence, Im tired and confused :lol:


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## AriannasMama

IMO I think she knows he isn't being serious, she just thinks its cute that he asks her as much as he does (showing how much he cares, maybe?). Abusers can change, just don't get yourself in a situation that you can't get out of. :)


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## lucy_x

Oh maybe i should have explained my "one day...Maybe" better.
As above, we did actually plan to get married, I use my "maybe" loosly because of several reasons.
I do intend on marrying him "oneday".
I use "maybe" because if he wont take my name and Im definatly not having his, then it wont happen, regardless of our "commitment" I will not stand down on that. So really i only use "maybe" In our circumstance, Not about marriage all together :thumbup:

ETA; rjb Im sorry i didnt mean to hijack you thread with my nonsence drivel :haha:


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## rubixcyoob.

lucy_x said:


> rubixcyoob. said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> I am the last person who would ever make excuses for an abuser. I am very unforgiving in that sense and won't even touch that subject because it's still very raw for me. All I was saying was that Becca's thread wasn't about her getting married or even getting engaged. It was about how she thought it was cute that he was saying it. He's asked her several times to marry him, but you don't see her going around flashing a ring and saying she's engaged.
> 
> Am I the only one who realizes BnB is like Facebook? IF THERE'S NO TICKER IT'S NOT OFFICIAL! :winkwink:
> 
> 
> 
> What I'm about to write explains everything.
> 
> 
> 
> lucy_x said:
> 
> 
> Am i the only one who doesnt really see an engagement as that bigger deal?
> I mean, I have a ring, We got engaged at 16 (remember only a year older than 15!) but it means sod all.... to me anyway, Its only a ring, a commitment that "one day, maybe" we may get married.
> and IMO (remember only my opinion!!!) Having a baby is a far bigger commitment :shrug:
> 
> As far as im concerned, Engagements are only official when the dress is bought :haha:
> 
> Probs just made myself look like a t**t saying that, But just intrested to see others thoughts :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> Honestly, to me, I would say if that's your attiutude you aren't engaged.
> 
> To me an engagement isn't something you flaff about with saying that you and the OH will 'maybe' get married 'one day'. To me an engagement means that you are definately getting married, in the proccess of planning and doing so, regardless of how long. Not just a 'maybe'.
> 
> To me the term 'engaged' means the traditional sense, 'engaged to be married', meaning that you are getting married, end of.
> I, personally, could never flap about with an engagement on the thought of maybe. I plan on being engaged and married once, to my soul mate, who upon an engagement I will plan and commence my wedding to him.
> 
> Engagements aren't something willy nilly without reason. If that were the case anyone with an OH could get 'engaged' because they might one day marry that person. But it means sod all when those feelings aren't certain and if everyone done it, then 'engagement' would just become another word for 'relationship'.
> 
> And to me a boy who decides to ask many times and a girl who finds it cute - that's not engagement, thats kiddy love. Puppy love. And it should never be confused with, nor compared to, real, forever, committed love like an engagement declares. Otherwise, it takes away the magic from the moment, takes away the meaning and degrades it.
> 
> If you are not using the 'engaged' position to show you are 100% getting married to that person (at that moment in time, things can change) then you are not 'engaged', simply in a relationship. Similarly, if you just see 'engagement' as a funny, casual, whatever thing then you are not mature enough to be engaged.
> 
> My personal opinion.
> 
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> :flower: Fair enough.
> 
> _Engagements aren't something willy nilly without reason. If that were the case anyone with an OH could get 'engaged' because they might one day marry that person. But it means sod all when those feelings aren't certain and if everyone done it, then 'engagement' would just become another word for 'relationship'.
> _
> Unfortuantly you have just summed up how i have only ever seen engagement. sad really.
> 
> _personally, could never flap about with an engagement on the thought of maybe. I plan on being engaged and married once, to my soul mate, who upon an engagement I will plan and commence my wedding to him. _
> *Isnt that everyones intentions  My mum has been engaged 3 times, Married three times, Divorced, Yep you guessed it 3 times... Sometimes things dont work out, It doesnt mean that at the time she thought they were her soul mate?*
> 
> My other thing, Once me and OH got engaged, We planned our wedding. Hell we even booked it..(something in the family happend, It nearly tore us apart hence why im not married)
> *So at the time engagement meant something to me.*
> 
> Maybe its just me & people i know (After all not many people i know even do engagements, they just nip down to the registry office) that have tainted my opinion. Im a bit sour too as i have only ever seen marriages fail (except ofcourse my lovely grannys) - *Just because you get engaged and married doesnt mean its forever... *
> 
> Maybe im just not traditional anymore, Living with someone and having their child is commitment enough for me :flower: * Having his name, his ring whatever isnt going to change that commitment.*
> 
> Lol Id just like to add, That i dont actually ever use the term "engaged" or "fiance" when i address my OH (I only used it in my above post to simplify things) Maybe if we had actually gotten married when we planned it (booked and payed for!) and MIL hadnt fucked everything up id have a differnt view on the situation, Maybe i wouldnt be so bitter about "engagments" and marriage........., Maybe i just see it as a ring now? Hell i dont even wear the thing anymore, My fingers are too fat!
> 
> Sorry went off on a tangent there :haha: I hope one day, When im not so bitter about it failing last time i share your views :flower:
> 
> Maybe i should have explained myself better the first time.
> 
> hope that makes sence, Im tired and confused :lol:Click to expand...



I totally get your point and it's ashame other people have detracted you from feeling the way you once did lol.

Bolded 1 - those things may not have worked out, but they did get engaged to get married - not for the fun of it.

Bolded 2 - well I'd say then you were engaged if it meant something, now you are not.

Bolded 3 - you're right, it doesn't mean it is forever. But when you get engaged it means you have full intention of marrying the person, again, not just for fun.

Bolded 4 - no it won't. But simply saying you have a ring from him to be engaged isn't the same as engagement to me.


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## rubixcyoob.

lucy_x said:


> Oh maybe i should have explained my "one day...Maybe" better.
> As above, we did actually plan to get married, I use my "maybe" loosly because of several reasons.
> I do intend on marrying him "oneday".
> I use "maybe" because if he wont take my name and Im definatly not having his, then it wont happen, regardless of our "commitment" I will not stand down on that. So really i only use "maybe" In our circumstance, Not about marriage all together :thumbup:
> 
> ETA; rjb Im sorry i didnt mean to hijack you thread with my nonsence drivel :haha:



Yeah, in that circumstance I understand then.

It's the whole - lets get engaged because maybe on day we'll get married, who knows, attitude that bothers me.

When there is legit reason to question whether it will happen but working towards it, it is completely different.


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## lucy_x

rubixcyoob. said:


> lucy_x said:
> 
> 
> Oh maybe i should have explained my "one day...Maybe" better.
> As above, we did actually plan to get married, I use my "maybe" loosly because of several reasons.
> I do intend on marrying him "oneday".
> I use "maybe" because if he wont take my name and Im definatly not having his, then it wont happen, regardless of our "commitment" I will not stand down on that. So really i only use "maybe" In our circumstance, Not about marriage all together :thumbup:
> 
> ETA; rjb Im sorry i didnt mean to hijack you thread with my nonsence drivel :haha:
> 
> 
> 
> *Yeah, in that circumstance I understand then.*
> 
> It's the whole - lets get engaged because maybe on day we'll get married, who knows, attitude that bothers me.
> 
> When there is legit reason to question whether it will happen but working towards it, it is completely different.Click to expand...

Im glad i was able to clear that up, AS you can tell im not very good at expressing my feelings :blush: 

I agree the whole lets get engaged for the sake of it thing annoys me too, But it happens a hell of a lot now, Which is stupid (for instance, And this really is degrading the term, I had a boy on my FB who was with a girl 2 weeks, And they were "engaged" and planning their baby :shock:--- ETA: this "boy" was 26!)

:hugs: I should have made myself more clear in the first instance, I didnt used to think of it this way i promise, Its just to much has happened for me to take it at all seriously now :hugs: I am working on it thou :flower:


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## rjb

AriannasMama said:


> IMO I think she knows he isn't being serious, she just thinks its cute that he asks her as much as he does (showing how much he cares, maybe?). Abusers can change, just don't get yourself in a situation that you can't get out of. :)

this exactly sums up my feelings, so i'll leave it at that
and just to clarify, sam is 17, and i'm turning 16 this year.


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## annawrigley

Hotbump said:


> i didnt know he was abusive. Anyways yall know that my OH was abusive to me and eventhough he has change his way (well he hasnt had a slip up) i do not trust him completly just yet. I have my suit case ready incase he fails. The car is under my name and so are the living room and bedroom sets(they use to be under his name). He has been great so far helping me with everything. Sorry i just wanted to throw that in to show that SOME people do change :flower: just take his change of behavior with a pinch of salt.

But to be fair he was abusive to you only a couple of weeks ago, how can you know he's changed already?

Basically ditto everything Amy has said. You phrased it alot better than me :haha: I think people keep missing each others points here, I'm not like OH HELL NO dont marry him!!! Nooooooo dont doooo itttt because I dont think you have any intention to, nor him, so then why propose? Its just.... silly! 

Everyone nowadays seems to be 'engaged', seems to be just a word to say "hey look at me im in a SERIOUS relationship because im ENGAGED, how grown up and proper am i?" Have to say I'm waiting for the majority of weddings/rings :coffee:

ETA: That last bit wasnt aimed at you Becca


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## _laura

amygwen said:


> rubixcyoob. said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I love you too Amy!
> 
> Just seen the US meet thread, going my nosey as I was bored - when and where are you in the UK woman!?
> 
> (I feel like I was talking in third person to myself just there, with the Amy'ing lol)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> LOL
> I'll be visiting July 27th-August 8th to visit family!! All my family lives in Doncaster and then my brother lives in Southampton so we'll be going there and also spending two days in London!! I am soooooo excited :happydance: I get to drink! WOOHOO
> 
> Hahaha I know.Click to expand...

im going to find you in southampton :flower:
im there far too much.


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## rubixcyoob.

I have a family wedding in Southampton in July Amy. I might just camp out at the army base and come find you :rofl:


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## _laura

rubixcyoob. said:


> I have a family wedding in Southampton in July Amy. I might just camp out at the army base and come find you :rofl:

I'm going to come find you as well muahaha :rofl:


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## amygwen

LOL yall are hilarious!
Please do camp out and find me!! I'd love to meet you guys :) :) :)


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## lily123

annawrigley said:


> Hotbump said:
> 
> 
> i didnt know he was abusive. Anyways yall know that my OH was abusive to me and eventhough he has change his way (well he hasnt had a slip up) i do not trust him completly just yet. I have my suit case ready incase he fails. The car is under my name and so are the living room and bedroom sets(they use to be under his name). He has been great so far helping me with everything. Sorry i just wanted to throw that in to show that SOME people do change :flower: just take his change of behavior with a pinch of salt.
> 
> *But to be fair he was abusive to you only a couple of weeks ago, how can you know he's changed already?*Click to expand...

I wonder this too - an abuser DOESN'T change in 2 weeks, promise!


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## Hotbump

umm he wanst abusive only two weeks ago maybe yall havent seen my old threads. Up to now he has changed and like i told becca take his change of behavior with a pinch of salt and thats exactly what im doing. Kwim? :flower:


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## annawrigley

You posted a thread a couple of weeks ago saying he hit you and you were considering leaving :wacko: then he went to anger management and has changed but I just think abusive people are like that for a reason and thrive off the control and don't change their ways that easily!


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## Hotbump

you takin my post from a different point of view and there for dont agree. i dont believe in the saying once an abuser always an abuser because is not true in some cases. My dad was abusive with my mom and has been a changed man for 23 years. My OH was abusive but the most recent thread was the first time he hit me im not saying that wow he has totally changed forever. Im taking it slowly and giving him a chance and why not give him a chance? How do i find out if he really has changed if i dont give him a chance?


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## annawrigley

:shrug:


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## Hotbump

annawrigley said:


> :shrug:

:shrug: :confused: :hugs: :dance:


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## annawrigley

:dust::shower::plane::fool::flasher::bunny:


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## rubixcyoob.

I don't believe abusers change. A year and bit, punched, slapped, threatened and strangled until you pass out yet each time an "I'm sorry, I'll change" or "I'm so sorry, I won't do it again, I love you" ... yeah maybe they won't right away. Bet your ass when they get angry again the thought crosses their mind or gets put into action.


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## Desi's_lost

like they say on Criminal Minds, the only thing certain is uncertainty.


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## Croc-O-Dile

annawrigley said:


> :dust::shower::plane::fool::flasher::bunny:

The way my brain registered that was "TTC in the shower, on a plane, at a circus, at a strip club, and on Easter." There's something wrong with my brain. :haha:


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## annawrigley

Croc-O-Dile said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> :dust::shower::plane::fool::flasher::bunny:
> 
> The way my brain registered that was "TTC in the shower, on a plane, at a circus, at a strip club, and on Easter." There's something wrong with my brain. :haha:Click to expand...

:rofl: Yeah thats my plan of action :wacko: Just couldnt find a ticker long enough :/


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## lily123

Croc-O-Dile said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> :dust::shower::plane::fool::flasher::bunny:
> 
> The way my brain registered that was "TTC in the shower, on a plane, at a circus, at a strip club, and on Easter." There's something wrong with my brain. :haha:Click to expand...

Me too atually! :rofl: Ally we are sick, sick people 
x


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## lily123

annawrigley said:


> You posted a thread a couple of weeks ago saying he hit you and you were considering leaving :wacko: then he went to anger management and has changed but I just think abusive people are like that for a reason and thrive off the control and don't change their ways that easily!

^^Agreed. If i were you i wouldn't be going around the forum saying that you were abused but now he's changed in a few weeks, because you may well get a pat on the head and "okay dear, if you say so" from people who have been abused for long periods of time, including myself and some other members who've posted in this thread!


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## Hotbump

lily123 said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> You posted a thread a couple of weeks ago saying he hit you and you were considering leaving :wacko: then he went to anger management and has changed but I just think abusive people are like that for a reason and thrive off the control and don't change their ways that easily!
> 
> ^^Agreed. If i were you i wouldn't be going around the forum saying that you were abused but now he's changed in a few weeks, because you may well get a pat on the head and "okay dear, if you say so" from people who have been abused for long periods of time, including myself and some other members who've posted in this thread!Click to expand...

thats not what im trying to say at all but since my english is no good i have gaven up explaining since i dont know how to :shrug: Like i told anna im not saying wow he has changed forever! He has changed for NOW but im takng his change of behaviour with a pinch of salt! Maybe you still wont understand what im trying to say but thats ok ill just need to take some time off bnb and practice my english more because i feel like my words are getting twisted here :(


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## rjb

i'm giving him a chance to prove something to me..
and so far he has been amazing.
he let me have his jacket and got the baby some shoes :)

it might not be much to everyone else.
but it is a big deal to me.
i've seen him twice this week and he was amazing both times.
and maybe that doesn't mean anything to some people,
but it does to me


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## lily123

Awww becca those shoes are gorgeous! Bless him, it definitely does sound like he's trying.

And Hotbump... sorry but you can't really use "my English is no good" as an excuse IMO, in all the threads and posts you've made your English sounds absolutely fine to me, also, English is not my first language either and i manage fine :shrug:


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## rubixcyoob.

Did know English wasn't your first lanuage Linz! :O I'm envious of those who are bi/multi lingual.


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## rjb

i love the shoes. we went shopping and he insisted i let him buy the baby something :)


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## Mellie1988

Is your mum and dad okay with you going out with Sam now?? Thought they wouldn't let you out of the house on your own? 

X


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## rjb

Mellie1988 said:


> Is your mum and dad okay with you going out with Sam now?? Thought they wouldn't let you out of the house on your own?
> 
> X

technically no. she isnt.


----------



## hurryupsept

Croc-O-Dile said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> :dust::shower::plane::fool::flasher::bunny:
> 
> The way my brain registered that was "TTC in the shower, on a plane, at a circus, at a strip club, and on Easter." There's something wrong with my brain. :haha:Click to expand...

:rofl::rofl:


----------



## rjb

shoes from daddy :)


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## Hotbump

lily123 said:


> Awww becca those shoes are gorgeous! Bless him, it definitely does sound like he's trying.
> 
> And Hotbump... sorry but you can't really use "my English is no good" as an excuse IMO, in all the threads and posts you've made your English sounds absolutely fine to me, also, English is not my first language either and i manage fine :shrug:

im being honest here seing that my words where being twisted (imo) i thought to myself maybe im not explaining right :shrug: so i sat there and couldnt think of how else to explain what im trying to say. Honestly im wasnt trying to use my english as an excuse but saw that you didnt really know what im was trying to say so i thought it was my english so i thought i excused myself for any misunderstanding. Im not going to speak anymore on this subject :flower: oh becca i love those shoes! Too bad i have two boys i dont think they appreciate pink shoes :haha:


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## lily123

rjb said:


> View attachment 171909
> 
> shoes from daddy :)

Awh she looks so sweet :) i'm glad that he's met her finally, how is he with her? xxx


----------



## rjb

lily123 said:


> rjb said:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 171909
> 
> shoes from daddy :)
> 
> Awh she looks so sweet :) i'm glad that he's met her finally, how is he with her? xxxClick to expand...

he loves her, but she had just had her shots, and she was very sore.
so she cried whe he held her, and he only got to hold her for a minute or two.
:cry:
but he does love her.


----------

