# So scared.



## lj2245

My waters broke 2 days ago at 35+2 and as my baby was breech, it was decided I would be monitored in hospital and given steroids then a c-section when labour began. Throughout my stay in hospital the staff consistently ignored everything I said about how my labour was progressing, ignored the fact I was bleeding heavily for 7 hours and ignored me when I told them I needed an immediate section because I knew I was close to full dilation. They insisted I wasn't even in labour right up until I delivered my daughters legs. 

As a result I ended up having to give birth to my daughter vaginally. The registrar who was delivering her (and who had made all decisions regarding everything that had happened previously) chose to do nothing when my daughters head became stuck and her cord was wrapped tightly around her neck. She insisted I continue pushing even though I was no longer contracting. She refused to let me take my legs down from the stirrups and had 2 members of staff hold them there (I have bruises) even though I told her I couldn't push from my bottom like that and could only push from the front. I ended up just urinating when I tried to push. 20 minutes ater my daughter's body had been delivered, another doctor arrived. One of the midwives on duty had become concerned by what was happening and had called him at home and got him from his bed. He came swooping in, gave me an episiotomy and removed my daughter's head with his hands. She was born without a heartbeat at 7:37am yesterday morning. The NICU staff immediately began working on her and got her heartrate back after 8 minutes. She was put on a ventilator.

Currently she is still on the ventilator. She is being cooled to 33.5 degrees to prevent further brain damage. She has machines and tubes doing everything for her. We were told today that her chances of survival are good but that she will likely have some form of lasting brain damage. She has wires on her head that record her brain waves on a machine and we have been told that these are showing that she is having seizures. 

I am so scared for my little girl. Her name is Phoebe Lauren. I am so angry at the countless mistakes that were made in the 17 hours I was in the labour ward when she could have been delivered by section. She would likely have needed help as she was premature but she wouldn't have been starved of oxygen for 20 minutes. She wouldn't have brain damage. I created a perfect human being and the negligence of 1 doctor and 2 midwives have changed who she is forever. I can't bear the thought that she may suffer. 

I don't know what to do. Noone can tell me what to expect. I want to hold my daughter and hear her cry. I want to take her home. I understand that noone can tell me how long anything might take but I just feel so desperate. 

I wish I could trade places with her. I feel so helpless. :cry:


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## sue_88

Oh my goodness, my heart just broke for you :( you're treatment was shocking.

I will keep little baby Phoebe in my thoughts and hope that she is strong and fights and surprises everyone.

(This may or may not have crossed your mind with the situation you've been in, but document everything that has happened (like you've done in this post), and continue to do so because I think you've got a clear case for medical negligence).

Again, you're in my thoughts. I hope you get to cuddle your little girl soon x x


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## ParisJeTadore

I have no words :( I am so sorry you are going through this. 

I have faith your little girl will get through this well and strong. I was born at 30 weeks back in the early 80's, went into cardiac arrest three times and was deprived of oxygen for ten minutes during one episode yet I lived to tell the tale and am, for lack of a better term, "normal". 

I agree with pp that you should document everything. It sounds like some very serious neglect took place and in due time will have to be addressed.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## SoBlessedMama

I am in tears, and my heart is broken for you. I am so, so sorry for all you and your sweet girl have endured. Praying for you both!! I sincerely hope that she makes a full recovery, and that the people responsible are held accountable and prevented from hurting another mom or baby.


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## sbl

The care you received sounds dreadful.
I am so sorry this is how you were treated.
I hope your lo is doing better.
I had my lo at 34 + 5 she was breech also. I was 9cm by the time I got to the hospital.
They did suggest at one point I have a vaginal delivery but that was quickly rebuffed by other Dr's.

You have every right to be angry.

hugs and prayers your way x


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## 25weeker

I am so sorry you have had such a horrendous experience and as a result your daughter has needed cooling treatment. I don't have experience with brain injury due to being deprived of oxygen but my daughter did have a large brain bleed and like you we were told it was a waiting game to see what her outcome would be. We were given worst case scenario and although it wasn't nice to hear I wanted to be prepared. I spent the first couple of years of my daughters life worrying how she was going to develop and over analysing everything she done and really stressed myself out. She is 5 next month and we have been incredibly fortunate and she does not appear to have any problems as a result of her brain bleed but we will need to monitor her when she starts school.

I will be thinking of your little girl and hope you get a cuddle soon. Although it's good to prepared do not give up hope of a miracle. There is many on this board that prove they do happen.

Take care xx


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## lj2245

Thank you, everyone. It helps so much to have your messages because you know what I'm feeling right now. 

Phoebe is doing well. She is stable and her blood results are showing normal kidney and liver function. The only real worry is her brain. She is hooked up to a CFAM machine and it's showing clinical seizures, which she is on stage 2 treatment for. 

She is so beautiful.


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## AP

Glad to hear Phoebe is doing well hun. We were a bit like 25weeker too, Alex had a brain bleed too and shes dones fantastically - at a young age, the brain can rewire itself.

Please look after yourself too. :hugs: :hugs:


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## SoBlessedMama

It is so good to hear a positive update! I hope you get good news about the brain and seizures soon, as well. 

I also hope you are getting to cuddle and kiss her, and if not yet, then very soon!

Continuing to pray for you both!!


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## SucreK

My friend had a very similar experience. One of her twins needed brain cooling due to a cord around her neck. Today, mentally, she is PERFECT. Has hit every milestone. She did have significant kidney damage from the lack of oxygen--I am so glad Phoebe does not. I am rooting for you and your little fighter.

Also, consider hiring a forensic perinatologist. My friend did. It sounds like you have a legitimate legal case against these so-called doctors.


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## minties

How is beautiful Phoebe today? I have been thinking about her every day and hoping for a miracle. 

I'm so furious about how you were treated. What was that effing doctor thinking?!?


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## sue_88

Thinking of you and Phoebe.


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## lj2245

Phoebe is actually doing really well. Her cooling treatment ended today and she is now back to normal body temp. She is still on life support but they hope that she will make attempts to breathe on her own now she isn't cooled. 

She has had some seizures. THey can't really tell us whether it means anything for her future or whether it's something that will repair itself. She has to go to a children's hospital around her due date for an MRI and the doctor told us today that whatever happens, he will be keeping her in hospital until then as if she is discharged, there is a 3 month waiting list for the MRI scan as an outpatient. I honestly couldn't believe that he was saying she may be ready to be discharged before then otherwise! It's amazing how good things are looking now compared to 2 or 3 days ago. 

She is now taking breastmilk through a tube into her stomach. Only 4ml every 2 hours but it's a start and they are going to let us do the feeding from tomorrow. So excited! It looks pretty complicated because you have to suck stomach acids up first and test PH levels then syringe in the milk but I'm sure we will get the hang of it and it feels SO good to be doing something for her. 

My breasts have gone into overdrive. I think I have about 15oz of milk in the storage at the NICU. Not bad considering I only managed 0.6ml of colostrum in day 1 and 2 and the rest has been since my milk came in yesterday :) 

So yeah, basically to look at her she is still the same. She is heavily sedated and not doing much for herself but test after test come back with good news and apart from her brain she is perfect. Only time will tell about her brain. Whatever happens, we will deal with it and be so grateful that she is alive.


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## minties

Thank you so much for updating us. I'm really pleased to hear how positive things are. I imagine you go from feeling hopeful to devastated and back to hopeful again. I know I would be.

Well done on the breastmilk feeding! Woo for all that milk.

I'm not really sure what to actually say but I want you to know how much I am thinking about you and Phoebe. Nothing I say sounds quite right.

Love her name. So pretty.


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## SoBlessedMama

Lj, that is a fabulous update!!! Continuing to pray for sweet Phoebe to make a full recovery, and for your peace and strength. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job with the feeding--way to go, Mama!!


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## vermeil

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter!

BUT oh my gosh I am in shock reading your story!! I am in tears. I cannot BELIEVE that 'doctor' ! It took a midwife calling another doctor at home for something to change?! gaaaaah!

My son was a micro preemie and the first two weeks he went into cardio pulmonary arrest every single day. Sometimes it took quite some time to reanimate him and he would turn blue. When he left the hospital 100+ days later he was stiff on the right side. They confirmed he had cerebral palsy, so confirmed brain damage. We did lots of physiotherapy. I also felt completely helpless and wanted sooo badly to trade places with him.

The amazing fact about these little miracles is their brains can 'rewire' themselves, compensate and reorganize. My son is 4 now and has no sign left of his paralysis. He's a bright and happy little guy.

Thinking of you and Phoebe.... what a beautiful name for a gorgeous little baby.


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## SoBlessedMama

Vermeil, I cried reading your story and looking at your sweet little boy's pictures!!!! How amazing!

Lj, I know you have SO much on your plate right now, but when you have a minute, go check out Vermeil's story. Phoebe will get there! It will be a long journey, but there is so much hope in her story and pictures. Praying for you today!


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## Kiwiberry

So sorry for everything you and little Phoebe have gone through mama. I am glad to hear things are getting better. You both will be in my thoughts.


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## lj2245

So Phoebe has been breathing on her own for 14 hours now and tonight I got a cuddle :)

Thank you so much, everyone, for all the kind messages. It's appreciated a great deal.
 



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## SoBlessedMama

That's amazing!!!!! She's precious! Thank you for updating--I hope to hear another great report soon!


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## sophxx

So sorry about the awful time you had. 
But so glad to see you got a cuddle with your lo. Hope she keeps improving. X


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## sue_88

What a great moment, so sweet and peaceful cuddled next to her Mama. You continue to be in my thoughts. X


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## Kiwiberry

lj2245 said:


> So Phoebe has been breathing on her own for 14 hours now and tonight I got a cuddle :)
> 
> Thank you so much, everyone, for all the kind messages. It's appreciated a great deal.

What a precious photo! I remember the first time I got to hold my baby in the NICU (she is still there) and it was a magical moment :cloud9:.


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## mummy3

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## lj2245

She's pretty jaundiced and will be connected to her cfm monitor to read her brain waves for some time. The leads are glued to her scalp and the White hat she's wearing is a special one that holds it all together so I haven't seen her head yet. 

She's still showing abnormalities in the cfm readings but because she's premature the doctors aren't 100% sure whether it's something to worry about or not. She isn't showing outwardly signs of seizures but her eyes seem to be permanently rolled back. Depending who her nurse is, this is either concerning or normal :/ 

She was weighed at midnight and has only lost 50g of her birth weight so is now 2400g or 5lb 5. She's the smallest baby I've ever held (my boys were 9lb 11 and 8lb 11) so it's pretty scary to me!


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## lj2245

Kiwiberry said:



> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> So Phoebe has been breathing on her own for 14 hours now and tonight I got a cuddle :)
> 
> Thank you so much, everyone, for all the kind messages. It's appreciated a great deal.
> 
> What a precious photo! I remember the first time I got to hold my baby in the NICU (she is still there) and it was a magical moment :cloud9:.Click to expand...

How is she doing? I had to giggle when I saw your countdown to ttc. I mentioned yesterday while visiting Phoebe that I would love another and everyone was horrified that I'd even consider it while Phoebe isn't even home yet :)


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## MrsRH

:hugs:


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## justplay91

I'm so sorry this happened to you.
First off, congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby girl. I'm glad to hear she's doing well.
Secondly, when my mom was 33 weeks pregnant with my younger brother, she went into preterm labor and her waters broke. At the hospital, it was discovered that, although he was only 33 weeks and still tiny, there was no way he would be able to be born vaginally, as he was completely sideways. But her TERRIBLE doctor wouldn't do a cesarean section, and just kept saying that he would be able to turn the baby eventually. While the doc was struggling to get him turned with suction and forceps, my brother's heart rate plummeted and stopped. After minutes, they were finally able to get him out. He wasn't breathing and was technically born dead. It took them another 5 or so minutes to resuscitate him, and I know when they finally were able to, he was on a ventilator for days. Long story short, he ended up being in the NICU for 4 weeks for various traumas, and being a preemie. He did go home on an apnea monitor, but he's almost 21 now, completely fine, and a borderline genius. He'll be graduating college in the spring. So while it can look really, really bad at first, babies are extremely resilient. I have a lot of hope for your little one. Good luck :)


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## lj2245

justplay91 said:


> I'm so sorry this happened to you.
> First off, congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby girl. I'm glad to hear she's doing well.
> Secondly, when my mom was 33 weeks pregnant with my younger brother, she went into preterm labor and her waters broke. At the hospital, it was discovered that, although he was only 33 weeks and still tiny, there was no way he would be able to be born vaginally, as he was completely sideways. But her TERRIBLE doctor wouldn't do a cesarean section, and just kept saying that he would be able to turn the baby eventually. While the doc was struggling to get him turned with suction and forceps, my brother's heart rate plummeted and stopped. After minutes, they were finally able to get him out. He wasn't breathing and was technically born dead. It took them another 5 or so minutes to resuscitate him, and I know when they finally were able to, he was on a ventilator for days. Long story short, he ended up being in the NICU for 4 weeks for various traumas, and being a preemie. He did go home on an apnea monitor, but he's almost 21 now, completely fine, and a borderline genius. He'll be graduating college in the spring. So while it can look really, really bad at first, babies are extremely resilient. I have a lot of hope for your little one. Good luck :)

Thank you :) I've honestly been amazed over the past week by what I've seen from my girl. Truly astonishing :) it's brilliant to hear stories like this because we are just beginning to hope...


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## Kiwiberry

lj2245 said:


> Kiwiberry said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> So Phoebe has been breathing on her own for 14 hours now and tonight I got a cuddle :)
> 
> Thank you so much, everyone, for all the kind messages. It's appreciated a great deal.
> 
> What a precious photo! I remember the first time I got to hold my baby in the NICU (she is still there) and it was a magical moment :cloud9:.Click to expand...
> 
> How is she doing? I had to giggle when I saw your countdown to ttc. I mentioned yesterday while visiting Phoebe that I would love another and everyone was horrified that I'd even consider it while Phoebe isn't even home yet :)Click to expand...

She is doing great! Thanks so much for asking! :hugs:

She is just now taking all her bottles on her own and waking up for her feeds. They won't tell me but, I think she might get to come home soon! 

I try not to mention the TTC part to anyone in the hospital lol. I have heard comments from people and everyone is always saying we should wait at least a year before TTC for another baby. They sometimes even mention that out of the blue with no rhyme or reason lol. As if they can "sense" it on me or something. I just don't let it bother me and OH and I have already decided we don't care what other people think about if I get pregnant again.


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## lj2245

Kiwiberry said:


> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Kiwiberry said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> So Phoebe has been breathing on her own for 14 hours now and tonight I got a cuddle :)
> 
> Thank you so much, everyone, for all the kind messages. It's appreciated a great deal.
> 
> What a precious photo! I remember the first time I got to hold my baby in the NICU (she is still there) and it was a magical moment :cloud9:.Click to expand...
> 
> How is she doing? I had to giggle when I saw your countdown to ttc. I mentioned yesterday while visiting Phoebe that I would love another and everyone was horrified that I'd even consider it while Phoebe isn't even home yet :)Click to expand...
> 
> She is doing great! Thanks so much for asking! :hugs:
> 
> She is just now taking all her bottles on her own and waking up for her feeds. They won't tell me but, I think she might get to come home soon!
> 
> I try not to mention the TTC part to anyone in the hospital lol. I have heard comments from people and everyone is always saying we should wait at least a year before TTC for another baby. They sometimes even mention that out of the blue with no rhyme or reason lol. As if they can "sense" it on me or something. I just don't let it bother me and OH and I have already decided we don't care what other people think about if I get pregnant again.Click to expand...


Oh it's brilliant that she's feeding :) Phoebe is being tube fed 32ml of milk every 2 hours and is far too happy with that set up. No effort required lol. She's not showing any interest at all in feeding herself so my plan is to get loads of skin to skin with her this week and see what happens. 

My husband says no more babies but I reckon he will change his mind in time because he loves them just as much as I do. We have been lucky with our boys, they are so different but both amazing wee characters :) If I had enough room in my house Id keep on having babies as long as nature allowed me to! 

I hope you have your girl home with you soon. Especially with Christmas coming up, what a gift :)


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## lj2245

It's been a bit of a rollercoaster for our girl. She is still charging on. Every time the doctors say she can't do something, she does it. 

We had her MRI on Friday. We were told there would be a week wait for the results to reach Phoebe's consultant. Yesterday another consultant covering Phoebe's while he had a day off approached my husband and told him he'd had the verbal report and that it showed there was definite brain damage. He then said he couldn't elaborate further until the written report arrived. I feel it was really unfair of him to tell us that. We'd much rather have had all the information at once. 

We were so down yesterday after hearing that. Then the CHarge Nurse from Neonatal phoned me about the possibility of me spending the night in the Mum and Baby room with Phoebe soon, as (in her words) "Phoebe is showing absolutely no signs of being interested in suck feeds at all". I knew this was untrue as I had seen her when her feed was an hour overdue because she'd pulled her tube out and she was rooting and sucking her hands and crying for her milk. I keep telling the nurses she's being kept too content with her 3 hourly 55ml tube feeds so has no reason to look for her milk elsewhere. 

Anyway, after all these conversations we went in to see Phoebe for the nurse to tell us that she'd just wolfed down a bottle with 55ml of EBM in it. Her first suck feed. Proving them all wrong as usual :) 1 day later and she is on alternate tube/suck feeds. 

It's very difficult to believe she could be brain damaged at all to look at her. SHe is amazing. The things she has done in the last 13 days have taken my breath away. I hope the report comes quickly so we can find out what it says and then let Phoebe prove them wrong again.
 



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## Kiwiberry

Your baby girl is so precious! I just want to snuggle her lol :cloud9:

It is great she is showing everyone she can do what they claim she can't. I know its so rough mama, hang in there though. It sounds like she is doing really well for her age. The only reason she is alternate feeding for her bottles is because she is tired right? That is so good if thats the case. She will build stamina in no time! 

About the brain damage, that was really unfair of them to do that. I too would have wanted to know everything at once instead of being terrified for days before I got all the facts from them. I am so sorry mama :hugs:. Preemies are so amazing, they surprise people just from being alive, such little miracles. Don't let anything you hear get you down. Your little Phoebe seems to be doing such a fantastic job. I look forward to reading her updates whenever you get the time to post them. 

Riya is doing great too. She gets to come home on Tuesday and tomorrow through Tuesday morning I will get to room in with her!! She is only taking her bottles in full feeds but hopefully when she gets home we can work on breastfeeding again since she seems to prefer the bottle right now. Hopefully that will all change soon though! I started her out on breastfeeding but because of all the bottles she has taken things changed. Make sure if you plan to breastfeed that you work on it every day you can, don't take any days off. I made that mistake when :af: arrived and regret it because I know thats the reason she is not wanting to breastfeed as much.


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## lj2245

Kiwiberry said:


> Your baby girl is so precious! I just want to snuggle her lol :cloud9:
> 
> It is great she is showing everyone she can do what they claim she can't. I know its so rough mama, hang in there though. It sounds like she is doing really well for her age. The only reason she is alternate feeding for her bottles is because she is tired right? That is so good if thats the case. She will build stamina in no time!
> 
> About the brain damage, that was really unfair of them to do that. I too would have wanted to know everything at once instead of being terrified for days before I got all the facts from them. I am so sorry mama :hugs:. Preemies are so amazing, they surprise people just from being alive, such little miracles. Don't let anything you hear get you down. Your little Phoebe seems to be doing such a fantastic job. I look forward to reading her updates whenever you get the time to post them.
> 
> Riya is doing great too. She gets to come home on Tuesday and tomorrow through Tuesday morning I will get to room in with her!! She is only taking her bottles in full feeds but hopefully when she gets home we can work on breastfeeding again since she seems to prefer the bottle right now. Hopefully that will all change soon though!

Oh wow, I was hoping she'd be home for Xmas so that is amazing news! You must be thrilled to bits :) 

I was told that they usually start off with 1 bottle to every 3 tube feeds and then work from there but she has been fine with 1/1 from the start. I'm chuffed to bits. As soon as she has the energy to go to 2 bottes to 1 tube feed they will do that :) 

She also no longer has any machines attached to her and is in a standard hospital cot :) Just need to sort the feeding and she can come home :)


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## Kiwiberry

That is so great!!! :happydance: She is doing so well!! I just know she will be home in no time.


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## Dinah93

Thank you for your update. She really is the most stunning little girl. 

The amazing thing about these tiny babies is their brain is still developing, and can often rewire itself to bypass the damage. I know of preemies who had grade 4 bleeds on both sides, families told they'd never hold up their head, let alone walk or talk, and at age 3 are living completely normal lives. Usually there is some delay in reaching gross motor skills, but baby brains can adapt in a way adult brains cannot.


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## SoBlessedMama

So pleased to hear another wonderful update!!!!! : ) She is completely gorgeous! 

I would feel exactly the same way--it would have been so much better to have all the information at hand before hearing any news. But, as you said, Phoebe is already proving them wrong at every turn. I have every hope that the report and her prognosis will be far better than any of her doctors currently think! You're doing great, Mama--stay strong!


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## lj2245

So the MRI report came back today and, from what I understand Phoebe's brain has significant damage to the White matter in the part of her brain that controls movement, coordination and hearing and a large bleed at the back of her brain where the visual part is. It's not good news really and we are devastated. She is scheduled for another MRI at 4 months old and her doctor has already organised a team of physios and neurologists for her. We basically have to wait and see what happens now. 

She's still doing well with her feeds. Tomorrow she's moving to 2 suck feeds to each tube feed and the doctors reckon she will be home by the end of next week or the start of the week after that. Basically, around her due date.

I wish I could cancel Xmas but I have 2 boys who need me to stick a brave face on and get on with it. Thank god for them or I would have fallen to pieces.


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## Kirsty3051

Beautiful little girl! I'm glad you finally found a name for her too. 

I gave birth to my son at 35+2 and can't even imagine how you must be feeling. :hugs: congratulations btw! X


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## SoBlessedMama

I am so sorry for the poor report. I'm praying for a miracle for sweet Phoebe. You've already seen so many amazing things from her, and I'm sure you will see many, many more. I can't imagine the pain you're feeling right now, and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope you and your sweet family have a joy-filled Christmas in spite of the difficulties you're facing. Massive hugs and lots of love and prayers sent your way!!!


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## lanaross

Just sending you hugs hun x can you seek other opinion? don't give up.


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## bdb84

I just caught up and I am devastated for you. Little Phoebe is proving to be a warrior, and I just know she will be fine in the long run.

Normally I'm not a litigious person, but in your situation, I believe you have high grounds for legal action. The care you received was atrocious at best. All of this could have, and should have, been prevented had the medical personnel just listened.


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## Kiwiberry

bdb84 said:


> I just caught up and I am devastated for you. Little Phoebe is proving to be a warrior, and I just know she will be fine in the long run.
> 
> Normally I'm not a litigious person, but in your situation, I believe you have high grounds for legal action. The care you received was atrocious at best. All of this could have, and should have, been prevented had the medical personnel just listened.

I agree completely.


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## lj2245

Yep. They postponed my section several times and I begged them to just take me but they refused. I even sent my husband a message at 2am begging him to come and take me to a different hospital. 

I saw the registrar responsible for it all 5 minutes after we got the news about the MRI and it was only because my 3 children were present that I didn't chase after her. I don't know what I'd have said :/


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## SoBlessedMama

That all just blows my mind and shatters my heart for you. I am so, so sorry. You have some superpower restraint to not have decked that registrar the second you saw her. You have three precious kids, and you don't deserve to be facing any of these obstacles that have been solely caused by incompetence. You're so strong, Mama. Praying for you!!


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## lj2245

SoBlessedMama said:


> That all just blows my mind and shatters my heart for you. I am so, so sorry. You have some superpower restraint to not have decked that registrar the second you saw her. You have three precious kids, and you don't deserve to be facing any of these obstacles that have been solely caused by incompetence. You're so strong, Mama. Praying for you!!

It was strange because it was the first time I'd seen her since but for some reason I'd managed to convince myself that she'd have to have been at least suspended because of what happened. I was so shocked to see her there that all I could do was burst into tears. I'm so angry at her. My baby girl effectively died because of her and it was only because of the Intervention of a consultant who came in from his bed that she was able to be resuscitated. Her consultant told us when he was giving the mri results that most wouldn't have survived it and the fact she came back to us at all is a miracle so we should be amazed that she's doing so well after only 2 weeks. The girl astounds me every day. I'm completely in awe of her.


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## vermeil

Juste wanted to say I've been thinking of you and beautiful Phoebe a lot these past few days. What an amazing little girl she is. I remember all too well the hopelessness I felt when I received my son's prognosis. And here I am with a healthy son.

Please try to do skin to skin kangaroo care as much as you can. When I was finally able to hold my son (at 22 days) I did so for hours every day. His oxygen requirements dropped from their steady 65+ % to a much lower 30% within a few days,and his general state improved. I am convinced it really helped.we're social creatures, those cuddles do wonders.

Try to document everything that happened and yes I also think I would clock that woman, christmas day or no.. . I'm sooo angry for you.

*hugs* I was told my son would need a walker to get around because of confirmed brain damage and he's a 4 year old monkey now, climbs everything in sight!

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones


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## lj2245

I'm glad your boy is doing well :) I'm hopefull that she will have a good quality of life but to be perfectly 'normal' is something we have been warned against hoping for :/

Physically Phoebe is continuing to do amazing things. She was on 2 suck feeds to 1 NGT feed as of christmas eve and her consultant allowed her to come home for a couple of hours yesterday. 

We eturned her at 3pm yesterday and she had a tube feed. We just phoned and she's had a suck feed every 3 hours since 3pm yesterday. I'm thinking she might be coming home for good soon!

Here's my little Xmas Cracker :)
 



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## SoBlessedMama

She is SO sweet!!!!! I'm excited for you to be able to have her home--like Vermeil said, we are social, and need that contact. I imagine giving her loves and cuddles will be infinitely easier in her new home as opposed to a hospital. It is so great to hear her good feeding updates!


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## Tasha

I'm so sorry that you were given such bad news, I know Phoebe will continue to astound you.

I've had two daughters die from medical negligence and even now (seven years and three years) I hate the people responsible.

Once Phoebe is home and settled perhaps pop to your GP and ask for counselling. I know lots of people don't like the idea but I think it's important to acknowledge that you've been through a horrific time and talk about it.


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## lj2245

Tasha said:


> I'm so sorry that you were given such bad news, I know Phoebe will continue to astound you.
> 
> I've had two daughters die from medical negligence and even now (seven years and three years) I hate the people responsible.
> 
> Once Phoebe is home and settled perhaps pop to your GP and ask for counselling. I know lots of people don't like the idea but I think it's important to acknowledge that you've been through a horrific time and talk about it.

Good god that's horrific :( you must be a pretty amazing person just to find the strength to get through each day never mind coming on here and helping so many other ladies. I think you're made of the same kind of special stuff I see in Phoebe ;)


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## Tasha

That is such a lovely thing to say, thank you. You're doing amazingly too (I know it won't feel it), Phoebe has to get it from some where :hugs:

I didn't tell you for any other reason than to let you know the anger and hatred is normal. You're not alone. Keep talking to us xx


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## lj2245

Tasha said:


> That is such a lovely thing to say, thank you. You're doing amazingly too (I know it won't feel it), Phoebe has to get it from some where :hugs:
> 
> I didn't tell you for any other reason than to let you know the anger and hatred is normal. You're not alone. Keep talking to us xx

I know I won't ever stop feeling the anger I feel towards the medical staff responsible. It's so unfair and it was all so preventable. No one had to do anything difficult, they just had to listen to me and act upon what I was telling them. I will make sure they pay for what they have done to my girl and aren't able to make the same mistakes with another precious life. 

I can't bear the thought that my girls life has been changed. I can't bear the thought of her lying dead for 20 minutes before the consultant arrived and intervened. I can't bear the thought of her tiny body being battered and bruised as she was given cpr. Mostly I can't bear the thought that she has suffered and may continue to suffer. She was supposed to be safe. 

At the same time I'm so aware of how lucky we are that she's alive. I'll never forget how I felt when I thought she was dead and the elation I felt when I was told they'd got her heartrate back. I am so so lucky. 

I don't want her growing up with me bitter and angry. I need to either get over it or bury how I feel. I don't want her thinking I'm angry about who she is, whoever that may be. I love my babies more than life. All I want is their happiness. 

What a rollercoaster eh :/


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## Tasha

It's quite often the case in situations similar to this, that they just needed to listen to mum and her instincts. I hate that often they think they know better than us because of the qualifications but no one knows our bodies (or babies) better than us.

I will reply a longer reply tomorrow but needed to say before bed that you absolutely can not bury the feelings, for a while maybe, but eventually it will come back to bite you on the bum. Take it from me the wife of someone who didn't work through his anger and upset and the consequences of that were awful and almost life changing for the whole family. You love your babies with everything you have, that's obvious, so if you don't work through for you, do it for them. They need you at your best and you can't be if there is so much left unsaid.


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## SoBlessedMama

Well said, Tasha. You and Lj both are amazingly strong women.


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## lj2245

Phoebe pulled her feeding tube out 72 hours ago and has had suck feeds since. Waiting to find out if she can be discharged today :)


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## Tasha

Fingers crossed for you x


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## SoBlessedMama

That's great, Lj!!!! I hope your sweet girl gets to come home today!


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## lj2245

She's getting home today :)


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## SoBlessedMama

How wonderful!!!!!!! Enjoy your first day at home as a complete family. : )


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## Kiwiberry

lj2245 said:


> She's getting home today :)

That is so exciting!!!! I am so happy for you hun!!! :wohoo:.


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## Tasha

Yaaaaaay. I'm beyond pleased for you. Can't wait to see a picture of you taking your girl home <3


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## lj2245

She's home and settled nicely in her crib :) she won't stop pooping haha :) 

Hoping to establish breastfeeding over the coming weeks but happy to keep expressing and giving her it in a bottle if I need to. I'm just so happy she's alive and home where she belongs.
 



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## Tasha

Awwwww she looks dinky. I'm so happy to see that photo. Bet it feels like you've waited forever for that <3


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## SoBlessedMama

What a sweetheart!!!!!! She will thrive even more at home. I'm so happy this day is finally here for you! : )


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## lj2245

She's 5lb 12oz now lol. My sons were 9lb 11oz and 8lb 11oz so she's so tiny to me. Took a long time for me to hold her without freaking out. She was the chunky one on her ward too lol. 

It's almost too easy to forget about the brain damage when she's lying so peacefully in my arms. It's blissful. Tonight I feel like the luckiest mammy in the world.


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## SoBlessedMama

I smiled just picturing that, Lj : ) I pray she continues to grow healthy and strong, and proves the doctors wrong about the MRI results.


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## lj2245

They seem to load sideways from my phone but here's a photo of all 3 Together at last :)
 



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## SoBlessedMama

How sweet!!! They look as pleased as can be with their little sister. : ) I'm so happy for you to all be home together now!!

Is the feeding still going well?


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## lj2245

Yeah she's taking expressed milk from a bottle. I was hoping to change to BF but attempts haven't gone so well so far and I'm worried about confusing her. Expressing before every feed plus all the time spent washing and sterilising bottles and pumps is time id rather spend asleep at night but I'd rather do that than change to formula. 

11pm to 3am seems to be her wide awake and wanting held time. Zzzz


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## sue_88

What wonderful news that she's home just where she should be with her family :hugs:

You amaze me with how strong you are, and it's clear that's a trait little Phoebe has already inherited from her mama.

You're doing great, she's precious x


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## Tasha

Beautiful photo. 

Keep trying hun, confusion is only usually a worry if they're on the breast and you try them on a bottle. So there's no harm in sticking her on even just for the closeness x


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## lj2245

Tasha said:


> Beautiful photo.
> 
> Keep trying hun, confusion is only usually a worry if they're on the breast and you try them on a bottle. So there's no harm in sticking her on even just for the closeness x

She doesn't open her mouth for either bottle or breast and her reflex only kicks in when the bottle is put in her mouth. I may try nipple shields If I can bring myself to go out and buy some. I've seriously seen enough of my car to last a lifetime!!


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## SoBlessedMama

The nipple shields are a good idea if you can bring yourself to make the trek. : ) I know you have to be completely exhausted--but it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, and that she is doing great!


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## lj2245

She's latched on! Was an hour before her feed and she was fussing so decided to try again. She's not transferring much milk, if any at all but has been lying latched on and peaceful. Amazed she's made a start already :)


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## Tasha

Wahooooo go phoebe. She's never going to stop surprising you x


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## SoBlessedMama

Yay!!! : ) She's amazing!


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## lj2245

Happy New Year, ladies. I hope 2015 brings much happiness to us all.


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## SoBlessedMama

Happy new year, Lj! I hope that 2015 brings you much in the way of miracles and blessings!


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## vermeil

Happy new year to you and your amazing daughter Phoebe! She's home yaaaay!


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## ParisJeTadore

I am so happy to see that things are going well for you! Congrats on the home arrival of your little miracle. I'm sure you will cherish those baby cuddles all the more :hugs:


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## Kiwiberry

I know it's late but happy new year hun anf so glad Phoebe is home with you now :hugs:.

I hope you share some at home pictures!


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## lj2245

She's had a cold so it's been a rough few days. I've had to hold her upright all night as she's not been able to breathe well on her back. Starting to get better now though but I bet she's too used to being held now to want to go back in her crib. 

She's a chunky 6lb 6oz now. Still following 25th centile line so happy with that :) can't believe its her due date on Friday. She'll be almost 5 weeks old by then. It's strange to think I should still be pregnant!

Here's a photo of Alex kissing Phoebe, which he does constantly. He also removes his trousers at every opportunity :)
 



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## SoBlessedMama

Awww! What a sweet big brother!! (Little boys DO love being pantsless lol.)

I hope P feels better soon, and adjusts well going back into her crib.


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## lj2245

Phoebe is 4 months old now so thought I would update. 

Overall she is doing well. She is 13lbs now :) 

She is attending lots of different therapies, Physio, OT, Neurology, etc. We got a name for her condition, HIE and she is Grade 3 which is the most severe. Her initial MRI showed significant damage to the part of her brain that controls movement and co-ordination and hearing. She has also had a significant bleed at the back of her brain where sight is controlled. I'm pretty sure she can see ok but I'm also sure she has hearing loss. 

Phoebe's HIE means she is likely to have some form of Cerebral Palsy. At present she is taking her milk herself, which is a bit or a miracle as most HIE III babies don't have a suck/swallow/gag reflex and rely on an NG tube. We tried to get her to breastfeed but it just got her agitated so I have been expressing every feed and giving it to her in bottles. It works well as she has reflux which is controlled brilliantly with Gaviscon alone. 

She also has a social smile :) This is the first milestone her Neonatal Consultant was looking out for and she started smiling at 11w, 6w corrected. She has also started cooing a little. 

The best bit is at 10w old, 5w corrected, she started rolling from front to back. The girl HATES tummy time :) She still hasn't rolled from back to front but is trying so hard to sit up. 

It's going to be a long road and it's looking extremely likely she will be severely disabled but she is alive and I am so thankful for that :)
 



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## Tasha

Thank you for updating, I think of you and Phoebe often. That's a huge mix of news but I'm so glad that she is doing things that they thought she wouldn't and that she is here brightening the world with that beautiful smile <3


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## lj2245

Tasha said:


> Thank you for updating, I think of you and Phoebe often. That's a huge mix of news but I'm so glad that she is doing things that they thought she wouldn't and that she is here brightening the world with that beautiful smile <3

Thank you :) 

28 weeks now! Wow :) How are you feeling? Sick of people asking how you're feeling I bet :)


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## Tasha

:haha: not at all. I'm okay mostly, my anxiety gets really bad at times though. How about you? Have you had someone to talk to?


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## lj2245

Just friends, which I'm happy with. I'm definitely suffering from PTSD and most of my hair has fallen out :cry: but it's getting easier. Phoebe sleeps well but for a long time I couldn't sleep at all because when the house was quiet, I'd lie in my bed going over and over everything thinking about what I should have said and done differently. We have spoken to a lawyer though and starting that ball rolling has helped. I have also repeatedly told myself that I didn't have the benefit of hindsight but the guilt is still enormous. :wacko:

Are you being well looked after?


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## SucreK

She is so, so gorgeous. Thank you for updating us--I think about you all often.


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## sue_88

Thank you for updating Lj. She is beautiful, with a beautiful smile and very good on not having a ng tube. Little miracle. I hope the future is as smooth as it can be.

Glad to read you've spoken to a lawyer, I think it's natural to feeling guilt, maybe some counselling will help?

Take care x x


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## Tasha

Oh Hun :hugs: I'm so sorry. The guilt is awful, rationally you know you couldn't know what was going to happen but when it comes to our babies, there's not much rational is there? 

PTSD is something I've been diagnosed with and it's horrific. I really think it's worth asking for professional help especially since you're on the legal route, we did that with Honey and it was a very long process and you have to keep going over things again and again, stuff you try (unsuccessfully) to block out. I know it's hard to ask for help though.

I am, I get growth scans every two weeks and cervix scans regularly too. I'm going to ask to be seen in the weeks between scans as my anxiety gets bad.

I know we've been through very different things but if you ever need to talk to someone who has been through medical negligence/ptsd/legal case then please please message me. You're not alone :hugs:


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## vermeil

Oooh thanks for the update! Glad to hear she is making progress. Go go Phoebe! :happydance:

I think of you often because my son has CP too, though mild. I remember the long hours of thinking what ifs. Very hard not to do! Did your nicu have a psychologist? Oursreally helped me and there's no shame at all in asking!


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## lj2245

Tasha said:


> Oh Hun :hugs: I'm so sorry. The guilt is awful, rationally you know you couldn't know what was going to happen but when it comes to our babies, there's not much rational is there?
> 
> PTSD is something I've been diagnosed with and it's horrific. I really think it's worth asking for professional help especially since you're on the legal route, we did that with Honey and it was a very long process and you have to keep going over things again and again, stuff you try (unsuccessfully) to block out. I know it's hard to ask for help though.
> 
> I am, I get growth scans every two weeks and cervix scans regularly too. I'm going to ask to be seen in the weeks between scans as my anxiety gets bad.
> 
> I know we've been through very different things but if you ever need to talk to someone who has been through medical negligence/ptsd/legal case then please please message me. You're not alone :hugs:

Ahh I didn't get notification of these messages :( Just saw them when I came on to update again. I see you have had your darling baby so I won't trouble you just now while you'll be basking in your newborn but when you have time, I'd love to talk about all of those things! No hurry, they said it can take up to 15 years! Congratulations, I know you must be absolutely on cloud 9 :cloud9:

Phoebe is now 6 months old and her problems are starting to become apparent. She has problems with her mouth, she doesn't seem to open it in anticipation of food. I am still expressing breastmilk for her and she is taking it in a bottle with a hard teat so I can cram it in. I have started to wean her but she needs to have pureed stuff because of her oral problems. She holds things but is entirely missing the instinct to bring things to her mouth. She seems to have left sided problems and I'm pretty sure she's deaf on that side too. Most of her brain damage was to the right side of her brain so that makes sense. Her Physio has mentioned low trunk tone and she can't roll over yet but can sit unaided. :wacko:


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## lj2245

vermeil said:


> Oooh thanks for the update! Glad to hear she is making progress. Go go Phoebe! :happydance:
> 
> I think of you often because my son has CP too, though mild. I remember the long hours of thinking what ifs. Very hard not to do! Did your nicu have a psychologist? Oursreally helped me and there's no shame at all in asking!

I'm so sorry, I just noticed this and didn't get a notification. There wasn't a psychologist but they did send along a grief councellor, which I thought was their way of telling me she was dying and I freaked out a little :wacko:


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## SucreK

Thank you so much for updating us--I think of little Phoebe often.

Does she have an occupational therapist to help her with the nursing? My nephew has a very rare chromosomal disorder and was born with practically no muscle tone anywhere. This became very apparent with nursing, which he couldn't really do. After occupational therapy, he had absolutely no issue.

Do you have any recent pictures of the little beauty? :)


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## lj2245

We have an OT and a speech and language therapist, amongst many others but unfortunately she's just missing the instincts. She doesn't root and doesn't open her mouth (in anticipation of food). She doesn't babble either. I don't think it's a tone thing because she can suck fine. We think it's a sensory issue. I'll find a photo and post it :)


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## lj2245

Here she is :)
 



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## SucreK

Oh, she is just so beautiful! I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Please lean on us.:hugs:


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## alibaba24

Iv just read this whole thread pheobe is just gorgeous !! You have handled yourself with such grace through an ongoing ordeal. you are such a great lady I will continue to check in on your thread if you ever need an ear to bend please mail me. X


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## lj2245

alibaba24 said:


> Iv just read this whole thread pheobe is just gorgeous !! You have handled yourself with such grace through an ongoing ordeal. you are such a great lady I will continue to check in on your thread if you ever need an ear to bend please mail me. X

Aw thank you. We just do what we have to do eh :) are you enjoying the sunny weather? I'm in between Edinburgh and Glasgow.


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## lj2245

SucreK said:


> Oh, she is just so beautiful! I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Please lean on us.:hugs:

Thank you, you've no idea how much it's appreciated.


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## sethsmummy

oh what a beautiful little lady! I remember reading your thread before and was sure i had posted but i must not have. I am so so sorry for everything you have had to go through.. those midwives and the other woman should be struck off! 

:cloud9:


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## alibaba24

lj2245 said:


> alibaba24 said:
> 
> 
> Iv just read this whole thread pheobe is just gorgeous !! You have handled yourself with such grace through an ongoing ordeal. you are such a great lady I will continue to check in on your thread if you ever need an ear to bend please mail me. X
> 
> Aw thank you. We just do what we have to do eh :) are you enjoying the sunny weather? I'm in between Edinburgh and Glasgow.Click to expand...

Yes I and the storms ! I also live between Edinburgh and Glasgow ! If you ever want an ear to bend / grab a coffee give me a shout


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## lj2245

alibaba24 said:


> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> alibaba24 said:
> 
> 
> Iv just read this whole thread pheobe is just gorgeous !! You have handled yourself with such grace through an ongoing ordeal. you are such a great lady I will continue to check in on your thread if you ever need an ear to bend please mail me. X
> 
> Aw thank you. We just do what we have to do eh :) are you enjoying the sunny weather? I'm in between Edinburgh and Glasgow.Click to expand...
> 
> Yes I and the storms ! I also live between Edinburgh and Glasgow ! If you ever want an ear to bend / grab a coffee give me a shoutClick to expand...

The storms are crazy!! I'm in a wee village called Carnwath.


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## lj2245

sethsmummy said:


> oh what a beautiful little lady! I remember reading your thread before and was sure i had posted but i must not have. I am so so sorry for everything you have had to go through.. those midwives and the other woman should be struck off!
> 
> :cloud9:

Thanks. I'm sure the midwives got off but the registrar got sent on a trainin course. I'm pretty insulted by this. We have a meeting with the hospital next Monday to discuss our complaint so we will see what they have to say.

How's your little lad? He was in yorkhill at the start of the year wasn't he?


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## sethsmummy

oh hun that is disgusting. a training course.... thats not a punishment! I really hope they get their finger out their butt and do something proper hun. 

he sure was hun. 3 weeks in ICU/HDU. hes doing ok.. weve had another 3 hospital stays since then, one as he goes hypothermic at night regardless of how well he is wrapped up, 1 for a severe kidney and urine infection where we found be has duplex (double) kidney with a ureter each, grade 5 hydronephrosis in the second kidney and ureter, thinning of the kidney wall, a uretaceal and a fluid filled cyst in his kidney, and then another stay for a bad viral infection. 

we are back in glasgow tomorrow for a detailed ultrasound of his left kidney (right one if perfectly normal) and then he has to have an Mcug cathater test to see exactly what damage has been done and how big the cyst etc is and then an operation to burst the cyst. If that stops him getting infections then that should be it but if not he will have to have the bad kidney and ureter removed in a bigger operation xx


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## alibaba24

lj2245 said:


> alibaba24 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> alibaba24 said:
> 
> 
> Iv just read this whole thread pheobe is just gorgeous !! You have handled yourself with such grace through an ongoing ordeal. you are such a great lady I will continue to check in on your thread if you ever need an ear to bend please mail me. X
> 
> Aw thank you. We just do what we have to do eh :) are you enjoying the sunny weather? I'm in between Edinburgh and Glasgow.Click to expand...
> 
> Yes I and the storms ! I also live between Edinburgh and Glasgow ! If you ever want an ear to bend / grab a coffee give me a shoutClick to expand...
> 
> The storms are crazy!! I'm in a wee village called Carnwath.Click to expand...

I think that's further out than me I'm closer to Edinburgh west lothian x


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## Kiwiberry

Just checking in on you and your sweet babies :).


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## lj2245

sethsmummy said:


> oh hun that is disgusting. a training course.... thats not a punishment! I really hope they get their finger out their butt and do something proper hun.
> 
> he sure was hun. 3 weeks in ICU/HDU. hes doing ok.. weve had another 3 hospital stays since then, one as he goes hypothermic at night regardless of how well he is wrapped up, 1 for a severe kidney and urine infection where we found be has duplex (double) kidney with a ureter each, grade 5 hydronephrosis in the second kidney and ureter, thinning of the kidney wall, a uretaceal and a fluid filled cyst in his kidney, and then another stay for a bad viral infection.
> 
> we are back in glasgow tomorrow for a detailed ultrasound of his left kidney (right one if perfectly normal) and then he has to have an Mcug cathater test to see exactly what damage has been done and how big the cyst etc is and then an operation to burst the cyst. If that stops him getting infections then that should be it  but if not he will have to have the bad kidney and ureter removed in a bigger operation xx

Aw what a shame for him. How are his big brothers coping with it all? My 2yo still isn't the same after we were back and forth to see Phoebe all the time.


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## lj2245

alibaba24 said:


> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> alibaba24 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lj2245 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> alibaba24 said:
> 
> 
> Iv just read this whole thread pheobe is just gorgeous !! You have handled yourself with such grace through an ongoing ordeal. you are such a great lady I will continue to check in on your thread if you ever need an ear to bend please mail me. X
> 
> Aw thank you. We just do what we have to do eh :) are you enjoying the sunny weather? I'm in between Edinburgh and Glasgow.Click to expand...
> 
> Yes I and the storms ! I also live between Edinburgh and Glasgow ! If you ever want an ear to bend / grab a coffee give me a shoutClick to expand...
> 
> The storms are crazy!! I'm in a wee village called Carnwath.Click to expand...
> 
> I think that's further out than me I'm closer to Edinburgh west lothian xClick to expand...

Aw you're not far at all. My nearest shopping centre is in Livingston :) I'm about 13 miles from there :)


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## lj2245

My Facebook page is https://www.facebook.com/laurajapp14282?ref=br_rs


If anyone wants to add me :)


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## alibaba24

I tried to add you but there was no option to add only msg x


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## lj2245

Ah yeah. I run a cake business and customers were always trying to add my personal page so I set it so only people with mutual friends can send me a request! Oops! If you send me a message I will add you :)


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## sethsmummy

ive sent you a message hun :D xx


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## kirstybumx3

Just read this. She is absolutely beautiful and you are one tough mama! She has done amazing, and so have you. I'm so upset by how you were treated though, don't settle until you are happy with their punishment! X


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## lj2245

We had a meeting with hospital management on Monday to discuss my complaint and they admitted fault in everything. The junior registrar wasn't qualified or experienced enough to deal with a breech vaginal delivery and used the wrong forceps. She also left Phoebe limp when she should have been supported in order to perform the procedure to deliver the head. They said they acknowledge I should have been listened to and since I had a previous quick labour they should have taken me for a c-section much sooner or should have got the on-call consultant to come in when I was admitted. They said they agree that the heavy bleeding I had from 1am was bleeding and not "blood stained liquor" and that would have been the point at which an emergency section should have been more important than getting a 2nd lot of steroids into me. 

Anyway, I am glad I got an apology but I don't think any of this will help my court case at all. From what I've read it seems it's all set up to protect the NHS and it's near impossible to win.


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## sethsmummy

:hugs: you will win this one hun. theyv admitted fault so at minimum they will have to provide compensation hun :hugs: xxx


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## Tasha

:hugs: Hun. It can be quite tough to battle the NHS but if you get all that in writing it will help your case massively! Are they going to write to you about what you discussed?


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## lj2245

Tasha said:


> :hugs: Hun. It can be quite tough to battle the NHS but if you get all that in writing it will help your case massively! Are they going to write to you about what you discussed?

Yeah there was someone taking minutes so they are getting it to me in writing within 3 weeks. Proving causation is going to be the hard part. The labour notes are terrible, it reads like I came in and all was quiet until I suddenly started pushing her out.


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## wannabemomy37

Wow what a story! :hugs: I'm so glad Phoebe is home safe and doing well, despite the brain damage caused by negligence :( I really hope you win this case, and I wish the best for your family. Phoebe is absolutely stunning and quite a fighter! I'm sure she will amaze you daily.


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## mbg81

I am so sorry that this has happened. I feel your pain and i cant even begin to grasp what you are going through. Keeping your family in my prayers.


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