# On the road again graduates



## RedWylder

This thread is begun with the hopes that all the lovely ladies I met in my journey to concieve a rainbow will have a place to share about the horrors and joys of being pregnant again. We do not leave those behind who are still trying for their rainbow but we need a place of our own for those in the next part of their journey. If you would like to know our roots, our thread and stories can be found here: https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/t...lace-women-getting-into-ttc-groove-again.html


----------



## anchor08

Thanks Red! How far along are you now? Any appointments coming up? I can't remember if you're getting specialist care or not. Since I had "only" had one miscarriage I was considered "normal", so no early appointments, my first one was at 10+5 and the wait nearly killed me! But that one was good, and today I have my NT scan! I'm a little bit nervous, but mostly very excited.


----------



## rayraykay

Yay! Thank you for creating this!


----------



## RedWylder

anchor08 said:


> Thanks Red! How far along are you now? Any appointments coming up? I can't remember if you're getting specialist care or not. Since I had "only" had one miscarriage I was considered "normal", so no early appointments, my first one was at 10+5 and the wait nearly killed me! But that one was good, and today I have my NT scan! I'm a little bit nervous, but mostly very excited.

I'm like 4 wks 4 days and it can't go any slower. I do have one appointment scheduled for the 23rd of this month and I'm pretty excited because I'm going to get my first ultrasound then. I just have to make it that far. I never made it to my first appointment last time. I think they are scanning me early because my last period was way back in March and they think I'm further along than I am. I told them I ovulated really late so it's on them . I'll take the scan. 

The dreams continue- two nights ago I had the extremely realistic miscarriage dream and last night I woke up screaming and punching my husband to kill the spider crawling on me (I had dreamed the spider but didn't realize it until after we had turned the lights on and looked around). Next up- sleep walking. Eeck.

So ladies tell me about your progression- how did you make it through the early months, what were your symptoms, etc. My boobs feel fuller but they barely feel sore at all. I keep waiting for the sore boobs everyone talks about to kick in. I'm a little nauseous every once in a while and tired (could be from my 5am runs).


----------



## anchor08

Welcome Rayray! Are you around 8-9 weeks now?

Red, those first few weeks were SO slow for me too. At 6+4 you should be able to see something good, but it would probably help your case if you bring your chart...they might be worried by your measurement otherwise if they're only going by LMP. I'll be counting down with you, it's so exciting!

As for symptoms...I wish I had journaled, but I think I was scared to journal because I did it every day last time and...didn't have a good ending. So I don't remember exactly, but I also didn't have much soreness until maybe 6 weeks or so. I have rarely felt nauseous, although around 6-7 weeks I started being sensitive to strong smells, and that would sometimes make me not feel like eating something. I was a bit tired from the start, and that increased until about 11 weeks (I also had a bad cold for a few weeks, so that contributed). It's great that you're running though, keep it up! I've been getting out 2-3 times most weeks (except for when I was sick) and it feels great.

I guess I would say as much as possible (which I know isn't much!) to relax about symptoms. I've always had a little something to remind me that I'm pregnant, but it hasn't been consistent...peeing a lot one day, heartburn the next, light-headed the next...and all fairly mild judging by what I hear from other ladies on these forums!


----------



## rayraykay

Congrats on being 12 weeks 5 days Anchor! That's incredible and must feel so good, although I am sure the anxiety never completely fades. 

Red, I can promise you that after your first scan, it does get somewhat better. After I heard the heartbeat although I am still very anxious about it sticking it did relieve some of my stress. The other thing (EVERYONE SAYS THIS AND ITS HARD TO BELIEVE SOMETIMES!!!) is that every pregnancy is different. And early on, it is sometimes hard to tell you're pregnant and that BY NO MEANS is a prelude to something bad. Around 4-6 weeks I was having incredibly vivid dreams. One night I would hear the heartbeat in a dream, the next night I was bleeding. It was hard. My vivid dreams arent every night anymore (which of course, worries me, but I think that initial surge of hormones is gone. Hang in there, I have faith you will meet your rainbow. 

AFM- I am 8 weeks 3 days now. Due 12/17/13. Christmas baby :-D I had an appointment on the 2nd, where I heard the heartbeat. It was- by far, the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. It was completely taken by it. I didn't want her to stop it. I wanted to keep listening and listening. The one thing about the appointment that freaked me out is that the baby was measuring small. About 6 weeks 5 days. My doctor has been my doctor since I was 16- so knows all about my miscarriage and kept reassuring me "It's normal Rachel, I swear it's normal. This appointment is cause for a party!" I kept asking and she kept saying it was okay. Then I of course did internet researching and found that as long as there's a strong HB and your doc says it's okay, it's okay. As far as symptoms go, my boobs are extremely sore and a lot bigger. It's pretty funny. I pee so much more, I have the white CM, I'm exhausted. Only nauseated sometimes, but haven't thrown up. Trying to be so happy!


----------



## rayraykay

Also definitely have a pudgy belly already... I'm assuming that's a good thing? Haha means it's still growing? I mean I don't have a full on bump yet but it's gonna be hard to hide soon. I'm only 5'2" so there isn't a lot of room for it to go other than out haha


----------



## RedWylder

All of your symptoms reassure me so much. Thanks! I definitely get sticky vibes from this one but I still check my panties every time I pee. And everytime I find no blood, my heart sighs a little. I'm excited for my scan. Once the baby has a heartbeat I'm going to use my doppler and listen all the time. So excited!


----------



## rayraykay

Ah yeah I was thinking about getting a Doppler too. Id love to be able to reassure myself whenever rather than waiting in agony. My next appointment isn't until the 30th annnnnd it's killing me. But if I'm not able to find the HB with the Doppler... Blah ill go crazy! Where did you get yours or where are you going to? I've seen them online for between 50-70 dollars...


----------



## RedWylder

OMG Help! I just went to the bathroom and when I wiped there was a tiny (TINY) bit of pink/brown mixed with normal discharge. I don't know what to make of it and I'm scared. My hubby and I haven't had sex recently so it's not my cervix and it's not the time when my period would have started. What could it be? I hope I'm not in the pre-stages of miscarriage. I'm going to have to buy tests tomorrow. Don't have any right now. Did either of you experience any spotting?


----------



## rayraykay

First of all- I'm so sorry that this happened... Because I can imagine how incredibly scary it is. Secondly- this does not at all mean a miscarriage is starting to happen. Many many women have some brownish/pink discharge and everything is okay. It happens in so many normal pregnancies. Some women have it the entire time and give birth to a beautiful baby. If I were you I would definitely get tests tomorrow and test, but I would also call you care provider and ask for/demand an earlier appointment. If you're working with the same doctor that handled your miscarriage, he/she should understand how incredibly important it is to have reassurance from them ASAP. If they are in a practice and your own doctor can't see you soon, request to see a partner. If you're having severe cramps and the blood is very red with clots (sorry that's really descriptive) I've heard that's when it could be worrisome. Otherwise- see your doctor and I know everything has a very good chance of being okay. 

When I went thru my miscarriage in November it was a missed miscarriage, there was no blood and even tho it didn't "feel" totally right to me it was a first pregnancy so I didn't see it coming. With my current pregnancy, I haven't had any spotting. (Because of my previous experience this isnt totally reassuring for me...) However I have a co-worker who was spotting quite a bit early on recently and her baby is A okay. She went in for a reassurance scan and there was the baby and the heart beating away. As hard as it is, try to stay calm, get in bed and rest. Watch a movie, put your feet up whatever you do to relax. Then call the doctor and test tomorrow. I'm so sorry, sending you love and thinking of you.


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks ray ray. I took a bath lisenend to meditation music and i feel a bit better. Your words are very helpful. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Im working with a new doc this time around and i just went to an urgent care clinic when i miscarried so i dont have a regular provider that would know my history well. Hopefully the new doc/ midwife is supportive. I dont think my first scan can be moved up any sooner. Its already set for six weeks and from what i understand thats about as early as you can see a baby.


----------



## anchor08

RedWylder said:


> Thanks ray ray. I took a bath lisenend to meditation music and i feel a bit better. Your words are very helpful. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Im working with a new doc this time around and i just went to an urgent care clinic when i miscarried so i dont have a regular provider that would know my history well. Hopefully the new doc/ midwife is supportive. I dont think my first scan can be moved up any sooner. Its already set for six weeks and from what i understand thats about as early as you can see a baby.

I'm so sorry for the scare, Red, that's the last thing we want to see! I agree with Rayray though, it's probably fine. Even if you wouldn't be able to see anything on a scan yet, could you have them do bloods a few times and see if your hcg levels are increasing correctly? I don't want you to worry more than necessary though, so if it were me, if the spotting stopped (and no cramping or red blood) then I would probably breathe a sigh of relief, stay in bed for a day or two (for emotional wellbeing as much as anything) and wait for the scan. If it continues but doesn't get worse, maybe ask for hcg testing. But how you feel is very important to your and the baby's health, so do what you need to do!


----------



## rayraykay

You are totally right, usually early on there's not much to see. My first scan this time around on April 18th I was barely 5 weeks along and all my doctor pointed out was the gestational sac and the yolk sac. Which, was nice to see and was reassuring that there was a pregnancy happening- but no heartbeat so the two week wait between that appointment and the one I had where I did heart the HB was very hard. If you can, relax today. Don't do anything physical you don't have to do. I also agree with anchor that blood testing can be helpful because it will tell you what your HCG levels are and this early on in pregnancy I think that's the most important indicator. Hang in there, and remember as long as it's not severe cramping that interferes with your breathing or really red blood it's probably 100% normal. I still cramp sometimes and it makes me SO NERVOUS but we have to remember...our body is supporting life right now, so we are gonna feel it.


----------



## RedWylder

I have a doctor's appointment at 12:30 today. It will actually be my first with my new midwife. I was supposed to meet her for the first time on the 23rd. Le Sigh. Miscarriages suck. They mess with your head. I will let you know what they say.


----------



## rayraykay

Okay sending positive vibes your way. I'm glad you're going. I will be waiting to hear from you, I'm thinking of you! xoxoxo


----------



## RedWylder

It's awfully quiet here. I think that's my fault. I've been taking a break because there's only so many times I can tell ya'll that I'm freaking out. I still am though. I went almost 5 days without having a melt down but today I had too much time to think and yep....wound up in tears. My U/S isn't until Thursday but I'm not expecting good things. Time could not pass any slower. :(

How are you guys hanging in there?


----------



## rayraykay

Awww red. I'm so so sorry. I am so hopeful for you tho, and I honestly believe things will work out for the best with you. Even if things aren't starting off the way you'd hoped. I think everything will be okay. 

AFM- just the pinching sensations are enough to make me crazy. It's not constant, it's not severe, and everything I read tells me it's just growing pains. All my other symptoms are still there. Nauseated sometimes but never extremely bad- really sore breasts etc. exhausted. I've been putting off calling my doctor which is what anchor advised me to do and I know I need to now. I think I will on Monday. The pinching isn't just in one spot- it moves around so that makes me calm down a little bit. I ordered a Doppler as well in hopes that being able to hear the heart will help calm my nerves in between appointments. How are you anchor? 

Hang in there Red. I believe everything will be okay.


----------



## rayraykay

Wow 14 weeks today anchor! Congrats!!

I really hope that's you & me soon Red, it will be. It has to be. xoxoxo


----------



## RedWylder

Oh anchor that's so exciting! Your success gives me hope. I just wish I heard more good stories about low betas working out. Most things I read wind up freaking me out more so I try not to read things. I did however poas today with diluted urine. I was hoping for the test line to be darker than the control line. It wasnt and I'm scared all over again. My darn hcg just needs to hurry up and rise already. Grrr. Ray ray once again thank you so much for believing in my baby. If it helps I think your stabbing pains don't mean much. Could it be gas? I believe hings are going to work out for you just fine.


----------



## rayraykay

Yeah it could be gas. It could be stretching pains. It is probably just fine. I feel it in my an muscles, my hip bones sometimes... So it's not just my uterus area which makes me hope it's just my body preparing to stretch. I'm only 5'2".. Petite build so maybe I just have to extra stretch? Idk. The things we try to convince ourselves of hahahahah. 

Yeah google really proves to be a foe more than a friend in most situations. Better to stay away until you know what's going on for sure. If it makes you feel any better it took awhile for my test line to be way darker than the control line. At least until I was 6-7 weeks pregnant. I really do have faith in you, and thank you for having faith in me.


----------



## rayraykay

Ab** not an. Typing on my phone haha


----------



## RedWylder

Actually that does make me feel loads better! Thank you for sharing that tidbit. I have a group of newly preggo moms on facebook and all of them have really high betas, tons of symptoms, and really dark lines. It's making me feel like something is wrong.


----------



## anchor08

Hi Red, good to hear from you again -- you can always repeat yourself if something is making you crazy! I'm so sorry for the limbo, we're here with you and really hoping that everything is fine. I've never had my levels checked, but from others on here it sounds like there's a pretty broad range of what's normal for various dpo, and even a range of acceptable doubling time. I really hope that's you! Stay away from the threads that make you crazy. :)

Rayray -- thanks for the mention, 14 weeks is so exciting! Even at 12ish it felt a little weird to tell people even though I have had 2 scans and everything looks good, but I'm feeling more and more confident. Symptoms are still there but manageable -- having to pee a lot, fatigue, stretching pains...the worst is headaches, but I know compared to others I'm very lucky, practically no nausea or actual sickness the whole time. 2 or 3 weeks until my next appointment, but for once I'm feeling relaxed! Imagine that.

Also it sounds like your pinching/stretching is feeling more normal -- it's still scary, but hopefully you're feeling better about it. At this point I would still call the doctor when you get a chance, but more just to ask the question -- what would be abnormal and should make me worry? I'm feeling good about what you're describing!

Hope you're all enjoying a nice weekend!


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you for the confidence anchor and red. I appreciate it. Glad to know you're doing well and starting to feel more confident about your pregnancy anchor. (We will get there red...!!!!) 

It turns out you were both totally right. What I've been feeling is normal. My sonoline B Doppler came in the mail last night (perfect timing, I have an extremely graphic miscarriage dream night before last) and DH and I were able to find the baby's heartbeat in 15 minutes... We found it at 144 BPM.. Then I starting crying and laughing and moving so it dropped. It was magical.


----------



## rayraykay

Had** not have!!! Haha typing on my phone will be the death of forming proper sentences for me!!! Hahaha


----------



## RedWylder

Yay! That's good to hear. My U/S is Thursday. If I don't have a panic attack before then I'll be surprised.


----------



## rayraykay

ahhh Red you're in my thoughts and I'm constantly sending you love. It will be okay, I know it. xoxo


----------



## anchor08

Rayray, that's amazing! I wish I had a doppler, maybe I'll try to get one in the States and bring it over here for next time (stuff like that is insanely expensive and/or impossible to find here). I'm so happy for you.

Red, that must seem like an eternity to wait still, but it is soon. We're holding our breath with you! What time is the appointment? 

I was very excited on Sunday to hit 180 days left -- 100 days gone! Obviously that includes the first 25 or so days before I knew I was pregnant, but still a fun milestone.


----------



## RedWylder

Appointment is at9am Alaska time. I have no idea what that is for you though.


----------



## rayraykay

Woooo!!! Go anchor!!! That's incredibly exciting. That's a huge milestone, it must feel wonderful. Do you have a bump? I want a bump! Right now I just have the bloat/bludge before the bump haha.

I live in Oregon red so 9 am your time is 10 am here. I will be thinking of you and sending you love. I assumed the worst for my first appointment and everything was okay. I'm really hoping it will be the same for you.

Anchor can you buy a Doppler on amazon.com? That's where I got mine. Forgive me if that's a dumb question.. I just thought maybe just maybe in other countries amazon can be accessed although I guess the shipping might be absolutely ridiculous. Definitely something to look into next time youre here or online. DH & I found the heartbeat again last night at 171 BMP.. It has already paid for itself in the peace of mind it's given me. Have a wonderful day ladies. xoxoxo


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks ladies. I will definitely let you know how it goes. I had a bit of a scare. So I've had some blood after sex a couple days ago and since then I've had a bit of brown spotting which I assume is just old blood from my injured cervix. Last night and this morning I had a slightly bigger and darker clump come out. It's probably still leftover but damn it's scary. The majority of my CM still looks clear though with the occasional brown clump. From what I remember of my miscarriage, the spotting was definitely more than an occasional brown spot so who knows. I am feeling slightly less hopeful today. Come on Thursday!!! I need you to be here NOW!


----------



## A.P.

Just a note with the Sonoline B doppler....dont trust the screen....mine has been right twice but all the rest of the time its been lower than the actual heart rate...get DH to set a timer for 15 seconds and both of you count the beats for those 15 seconds...when time is up multiply the number you counted by 4 that will give you the exact BPM :) DH is a nurse and hes always saying no no that thing is wrong..its way faster than that...so we count...it usually says 130-140-ish but counted its between 160-170...just my experience with it :) congrats on finding HB I love it...use mine every day


----------



## rayraykay

Thanks AP. I will keep that in mind. We will try to measure it ourselves. For me, it's more about the fact that I can hear it, not so much about the BPM. But thank you for your advice, We will try counting the beats ourselves tonight. Congrats on your baby :)

Red- to me, that sounds like "normal" spotting even tho it's still scary as all hell. I have a co worker who's due exactly a month before me and she had spotting at the start of her pregnancy, not in patterns just brown discharge every once in awhile accompanied by some mild cramping. The clots can be unnerving but I agree with you, it's probably just left over. Also- my doctor told me at my first appointment when I was about 5 weeks along to be very gentle during sex and to be warned- there could be spotting after and not to worry. You're in my thoughts-
Let me know if the spotting stops or continues and how your appointment goes. xoxoxoxo


----------



## A.P.

i payed attention to the BPM the first few times not its pretty easy to find it so i basically put it on my belly...hear thump thump and turn it off feeling a bit relieved... theyre gret things for us anxious ladies lol


----------



## rayraykay

Exactly! That's what I do too. Turn it on, find the horses galloping under water, listening for a few minutes, turn it off and feel great. It's such a gift for us anxious ladies... It makes waiting for the next appointment soooo much easier. I'm not really even worried about my appointment next Thursday, if I can find the lil baby with my at home Doppler, I know lil baby is there.


----------



## A.P.

its sooo hard to not worry...sometimes I use mine twice a day if im freaked about something I ate or touched (neurotic I know...sometimes its like "ah!! i touched something bad!! better make sure i didnt kill the baby!!" lol) but it does help....im not anxious about my appointments anymore...my next one is next tuesday...but my anatomy scan is in 4 weeks so im starting to freak a bit about that.... i wish i could just turn my brain off for the next 5 months!


----------



## RedWylder

I'm freaking out...like this is ridiculous. I can't sit still. I keep looking for comfort on here or on google and all I get are bad stories and then I freak out more. 11.5 hours to go...yikes!


----------



## rayraykay

Awww god I know what you mean. I was like that before my first appointment. I think every woman who has been thru a loss feels the same way while waiting for appointments. I'm so sorry all you're finding is horror stories but I promise there's definitely a good chance this pregnancy is viable, even if it feels like it isn't. It's so hard to be positive when all we've known is loss... So ill be positive for you. Thinking of you xoxoxo


----------



## anchor08

You're almost there Red! Hopefully you're asleep now, and I'll be thinking of you at 7pm my time, which I think matches up. I won't be home until after 10, so crossing my fingers for good news then!

Rayray, I could order online but the shipping and customs/duty charges would make it cost way too much (as I've learned the hard way). I really needed it a month or two ago, but now I'm feeling much more relaxed. I even feel the tiniest movement occasionally, can't wait until it's regular! No bump yet...since 8-9 weeks my lower stomach fat (there's not tons of it, but it's there) has been pudged out below my belly button, but it varies a bit depending on the time of day and how recently I've gone to the bathroom, lol! I can feel my uterus, and it's hard and getting higher, so that's definitely what's pushing everything else out, but it's by no means a hard bump yet. I'm sure I'll get plenty big by the end, so I don't mind too much if I don't show for a few more weeks.

Hi AP! We're almost the exact same dates. How's it going for you?


----------



## RedWylder

Where would I be without you ladies?! You continue to keep me hopeful and moving forward when I'd rather just lie around and mope. 2 more hours!


----------



## rayraykay

You ladies do the same for me. It's the least I can do! 10 o'clock my time I will be sending you love and baby dust and good thoughts. Please keep us updated as soon as you can! I can't stop thinking of you!


----------



## A.P.

Red: I had a HCG problem which unfortunately ended in a loss in Jan... after extensive research on HCG levels I do know that even if the numbers are low....thats ok...as long as they are rising... that was my problem...in a 1 week period they went 26-28-32-40-6-1-0 they just didnt rise....the first one i got back I was a bit worried as it was low but my reading all told me that could just be normal for me... some ppl have low numbers throughout pregnancy and have a perfectly healthy baby....but whats more important is that they rise by at least 60% in a 48 hr period... A friend of mine had low numbers throughout pregnancy and her lil man is 1 now. try to relax...I took the digi tests once a week this time...first said 1-2 weeks second 2-3 and third 3+ thats how i knew they were rising...the line tests can be terrible because you will spend what feels like half your hay trying to interpret if the line is darker or lighter than last time :p fingers crossed for you...i know its stressful :(


----------



## A.P.

Anchor: Thats really cool were only 2 days apart from each other....its going alright for me...i am a nervous wreck but getting used to that...use my lil doppler buddy every day and it helps....feeling better physically...only 2 trips to worship the porcelain god in the last 2 weeks so yay! hahaha but now heartburn is starting and round ligament pains with backache...yay! (not) when is your anatomy scan? mines 4 weeks from yesterday and i am FREAKING OUT!


----------



## RedWylder

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo11_zps2807e6ab.jpg

It's unfortunately what I feared. I have a underdeveloped sac that shows no baby because it's so small. I'll go back in a couple weeks if I don't miscarry before then but no one, not even my midwife is optimistic anymore. Thank you ladies for showing me so much support and getting me through the hard moments. I know I'll be needing it still.


----------



## rayraykay

:( god red I'm so so so so sorry. I don't really have the words to say how sorry I am. Sending you love always.


----------



## anchor08

I'm so sorry Red, that is the worst. Take good care of yourself, I wish I could do or say more but just know that we all care and are hurting so much with you.


----------



## anchor08

Rayray, are you still here? How are you getting along?


----------



## RedWylder

I'm still here stalking now but I won't have much to contribute. I hope you ladies are doing well.


----------



## anchor08

I'm glad you're still here Red, how are you doing? Physically are things going okay?


----------



## rayraykay

I'm here!! Thinking of you red. Sending love your way. 

I'm doing well. Had my appointment yesterday. Heard the heartbeat at 160.. Didn't do an ultrasound sadly because I have my genetic screening on June 11. Doctor was very happy and told me its okay to start announcing it to people. Looking forward to seeing another ultrasound on June 11. 

How are you anchor?


----------



## anchor08

That's great Rayray! So glad everything's going well. I have my next appointment a week from Monday (17+2). A lot of my friends say they usually got a quick scan every time, so I guess it's possible that I'll get a gender peek then, but I'm not holding my breath. My "20 week scan" isn't until 23 weeks, so that still feels ages away. I'm trying to relax and let time pass more quickly, but it's hard...hopefully I'll start feeling movements soon, so that will help!


----------



## Carybear

Hi Rayray and anchor... How are you both doing? So glad to see how far you all are!


----------



## rayraykay

Hi carybear!

That's really sweet of you to come by. I'm doing pretty well. I have my genetic scan on Tuesday which I'm nervous about since there's a high rate of false positives but I think it's a good thing to do. I get to see the baby which I'm really looking forward to since we haven't seen a picture of it since 6.5 weeks. I've been listening to the heartbeat on the at home Doppler whenever I feel nervous. It helps. 

How are you carybear?

Anchor! Your appointment on Monday is now only 2 days away! Yay! How are you?


----------



## Carybear

I'm doing great! Even though things around me are falling apart, I am feeling very positive  ntnp has taken a lot of stress off of me....

Ray... So glad that you have a way to send the worry packing...

Hoping you get a sneak peek Anchor... I'm def following you guys and can't wait to hear about the milestones as you hit them


----------



## Carybear

I saw today that Left got her BFP  I'm so excited for her...


----------



## Left wonderin

Hello everyone . Well looks like I graduated :) looks like ill be joining you ladies lol...... 
BFP smu 12dpo ... I don't really believe it yet and I'm terrified !!!!!! Testing again in the am with fmu and digital so fingers crossed ill see it spelt out lol...

Tested early as had brown discharge on 10 and 11 DPO ... Way to early for AF was driving myself bonkers not knowing so tested . Here is the picture for you guys :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Carybear said:


> I saw today that Left got her BFP  I'm so excited for her...

Awh thanks Cary :) lets hope its a sticky one :) like super glue !!!!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 13.1 KB
Views: 2


----------



## Left wonderin

I've just read back through the Thread and saw Red has not had good news . How sad for her , I hope she is doing ok and I'm sending on lots of love xxxxxxx


----------



## anchor08

I've typed two replies now and they won't post, so this is a quick test. Yes, I should have saved it the second time but I forgot...grrr.

Okay, this seems to be working. Left, congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you, please keep us posted.

I'm excited but also nervous for tomorrow. It's slowly gotten easier to relax and feel confident, but I'm not totally there yet. I hope it will be easier when I start feeling movement. I've felt what I assume are flutters of movement, few and far between, but amazing! The less fun news is that my digestive system is acting HORRIBLY and making life very uncomfortable. I'm trying literally every remedy available to me and nothing is working. I guess it's payback for not having first-tri sickness, but I really hope it lets up soon!


----------



## rayraykay

LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!! YAHOOO!!! welcome!!! I am so happy for you. 

Thank you for checking in Cary, I think of you often. Staying positive is so hard sometimes... I admire you for being able to do so being faced with such difficult stuff. 

I feel the same way anchor, when I get a huge bump (right now I have a slight one but its kinda in the stage where my clothes don't fit right at all but I don't look super pregnant yet) and feel movement, I feel like I might calm down some and not use the Doppler. Please let me know how your appointment goes, I am sure it will be beautiful!

xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

Thanks RayRay... 

Anchor, can't wait to hear how it goes tomorrow....


----------



## anchor08

Everything's good, measurements are on track, blood work is fine, etc. It's crazy, there's part of me that still doesn't quite believe I'm pregnant...or it's like "pregnancy" is a weird physical state that's affecting the way I feel, but it doesn't seem real yet that there will be a baby at the end. He did a quick scan and I was like "there's actually a baby in there!"

And he thinks it's a GIRL...but we'll check back in a few weeks to be sure. I'm so excited!!!


----------



## rayraykay

anchor that is such fantastic news. I am sooo thrilled for you, hearing that news from you makes my day. Congratulations. Possibly a girl!!!! How exciting!!!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Congrats Anchor... When my time comes I'm sure I will feel that way... You sound like you're in awe..... I'm so happy for you!


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor that is wonderful news :) and yes there is offically a baby in there :) isn't it wonderful xxxxx They are each little real life miracles :)


----------



## rayraykay

I had my appointment this morning. I was laughing the whole time.. The little one was kicking and moving and wiggling. It was the coolest thing I've ever seen. The hands.. The face the legs. It was insane. Delightful. I attached a photo... Any boy or girl predictions? Baby is measuring 13 weeks 1 day :cloud9:
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 29.3 KB
Views: 1


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh my god RAY a little person ! He/ she is perfect . I soooo soooo hope I get to experience it and the wonder of seeing that little person for the very first time . I'm guessing team girl :) too pretty to be a boy ;)


----------



## Carybear

I'm with left... I predict. :pink:


----------



## rayraykay

Awwww thanks ladies!!! I kinda think girl too. I've had dreams about a girl too. But then in another thread other women are predicted boy by the skull theory... But I've always had a gut feeling based on my dreams that it's a girl. Ahhhhh I wanna know!!


----------



## anchor08

That's amazing Rayray, so glad you had a good experience (especially seeing it move!). I also think girl, so funny that we all agree! Do you know when your next few appointments will be?


----------



## rayraykay

I have another one with my OB on June 28th...ill be 15 weeks and 4 days. Hoping the Down syndrome scan comes back okay. I'm 24 DH is 29.. None of that runs in our families so I'm
Staying positive. How is everyone?


----------



## Carybear

Hi ladies! How are you all doing?


----------



## RedWylder

Pssssst....you all are my insight into pregnancy. You must talk. :) What's goin on in the preggo world?


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi red its quite on here isn't it lol....... Well I'm keeping the head down and going day to day still . I'm not thinking ahead in any way shape or form , and tbh have not let myself get excited about my BFP. I'm staying detached , sad I know but the only waive foundi can deal with the uncertainty right now without letting anxiety totally take over . I don't think about being pg at all ! Or try very hard not too. So far its kinda working , I'm functioning anyhow and I swear if I'd kept going how I was a ball of anxiety I was heading towards panic attacks !!! So now I wait , first waitis to get to Friday week the 12th of July . I get an early scan that morning .... All being well I should be 8 weeks3 days. At this point I'm not thinking beyond that .

Sounds like your a busy bee these days , hope it is helping to keep busy xxxxxxxx


----------



## rayraykay

Hi! Good to hear from all of you.

Left- so happy to hear you're holding up okay. Waiting for the appointment can be such a pain, but I have faith that you and your baby will check out wonderfully. At an 8 week appt the little bean will start to look like a baby too! I am always sending you love and support.

Red and Cary- lovely to hear from you, I'm also always thinking about the two of you and sending you love. Thank you for checking in. I may not chime in much on the other thread, but I'm watching and checking in on you often. 

AFM- my genetic scan came back clear. That was wonderful to hear although it wouldn't have changed a thing other than the way I prepared for the baby's arrival. Had my appointment on Friday- we listened to the baby's heartbeat which was in the 150s. We will have the anatomy scan at the end of July... The same week as my birthday. I can't wait to find out. Still nervous something could go wrong, but really trying not to be. I really appreciate you ladies more than I can say. Thank you for the support.

How are you anchor?

Love to you all. Like I said, always thinking of you xoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

Wow Ray almost 15 weeks already !!!!! I actually cannot believe that ! 5 weeks to half way !! Time seems to pass very quickly when you are on the outside looking in . Thank you so much for your well wishes and support , it really helps when other people offer reassurance xxxx only 11 days to scan day :) I'm so nervous and excited too :)


----------



## anchor08

Hi ladies, it really felt like endless days for a while but the last few weeks have gone by quickly -- I just celebrated halfway! Next week Monday I have a regular OB appointment, so hopefully can confirm that it's a girl (found out at my 17-week appointment)...I'm talking to her and buying a few girly things anyway in the meantime. After weeks of very slight movements I'm starting to feel some stronger kicks, which is lots of fun. Everything's good...I just hope I start showing some time soon! I think that's why I'm having a lot of heartburn and digestive discomfort -- she's growing up instead of out! No complaints though. Glad to hear the rest of you are doing well. Left, I'm counting down with you until that scan, it is so hard!

Cary and Red, I'm also still following on the other thread. My computer crashed and I lost track of it for a while but eventually found my way back and got caught up. I'll post there too. Thanks for sticking with us on this journey!


----------



## RedWylder

Omg! Anchor! A GIRL?! Gosh it really is happening isn't it? Are the kicks wonderully weird? I always thought it would be something like having an alien living in you. You're at that stage that I always dream about when I think about being pregnant.

RayRay I suspect it's starting to feel a bit more real for you too. I'm so happy that you guys have made it this far and that gives me hope that I can get there too some day.


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you Left- time is surprisingly going pretty dang fast for me too. I can't wait to hear about your scan, I have faith everything will be as it should. How are you doing as far as symptoms go? 

anchor- WOW! Halfway point!! Yippppiiieeeee!!!!! That must feel so amazing. That's a huge milestone. I can't WAIT until I can feel the baby move. Right now, I feel some stuff down there sometimes but I bet it's just gas.. just little flutters here and there. I can't wait until I feel it for sure. How incredibly special. I am so happy for you. 

Red- I really do believe you will get your rainbow. I really, really do. I know that isn't necessarily helpful to hear right now because it might feel so far away, but I just know it. That baby is going to come, and when it does, it will be that much more incredible. 

It is starting to feel more real, I am really trying to believe I can relax and start to enjoy getting a bump and being pregnant. I don't take a single feeling or symptom for granted, and I definitely don't complain, but it is hard sometimes to truly let go of my fears of something bad happening. I am so lucky tho, to have made it this far, and I repeat that to myself on a regular basis. Everytime I've thrown up I've been grateful! I know that sounds weird but it's true hahaha. We have our anatomy scan on August 1st, I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl. That will be so exciting. Thank you again, all of you lovely women for the support. I am thinking of you and sending love.


----------



## Carybear

Wow ladies.. You are really moving along!!! I think you are both having girls 

Glad to hear that things are going so good. Left, you'll be joining these ladies with the halfway mark before you know it.. I can't wait to hear about your scan!


----------



## anchor08

Left, for some reason I misread your earlier post and thought your scan was this past Friday...I've been dying for an update and worrying for you! Hope everything's okay...the waiting is an absolute killer, but I'm hoping that no news is good news from you at this point.

I have a regular appointment tomorrow morning, excited! It's amazing (and humbling) how at each new stage there are new worries. I keep thinking that passing a certain milestone will make things easier, but the fact is that it's up to me. For example, I can feel baby moving now...but not always regularly. I had two quiet days in a row and woke up this morning and lay in bed for a while not feeling anything...it was freaking me out a little bit even though I know that's normal at this stage! Well, post-breakfast it's a dance party in there, so I'm happy now.

All that to say...it's really true when people say take it a day at a time and choose to be hopeful, because circumstances will never do it for you!


----------



## RedWylder

Let us know how it goes Anchor!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi anchor , sorry if I worried ye no my scan is this Friday . Whatever the outcome ill be back to share but really hoping and praying it will be great news that I am sharing :) 

Thinking about it you are so right , one day at a time and choose to be hopeful sounds great ...... Now I just have to work out exactly how to do that lol......... But you are right all the worrying in the world won't change the outcome ( its something we just have no control over ) that is so so hard for a self confessed control freak lol.............. 

Great lessons to be learned !


----------



## rayraykay

Ahhh left I'm so excited for your scan I can hardly wait. I am sending you positive vibes. 

Good to hear things are going well anchor. Let us know how the appointment goes. I'm sure all will be well :) I can't wait to feel my baby move. Sometimes I get worried that I haven't totally felt something yet then I remember that usually first time moms don't feel anything until 20 weeks or even later. I still use my Doppler on a daily basis because I still worry constantly. Taking it one day at a time is definitely a hard lesson to learn, I'm with ya ladies. But, as you all said, worrying doesn't change the outcome. You can't worry something bad into happening. Thoughts do not become reality just by thinking them. I always think- okay with the next stage I will feel better. Right now it's "when I feel the baby move, ill stop worrying." But then, of course ill just worry when I don't feel anything for a little bit. And ill still obsessively use the Doppler. Ha ha ha. One day at a time!! We can do it! Being hopeful and believing everything is going to be okay is the only thing we can do.

Hope your appt goes well tomorrow anchor, and hoping yours goes well on the 12th left. Sending you love red.

Xoxoxoxo


----------



## anchor08

Thanks ladies, believe me, it's not a lesson I've been able to practice very well, just head knowledge! My appointment was cancelled this morning (doctor was at the hospital, someone delivering I guess), and because of my husband's schedule (which is also my car schedule) I can't have it until next Monday. I'm feeling relaxed so I don't mind waiting, only that I have my detailed anatomy scan two weeks from today, so I was hoping to spread out the appointments a bit more. Oh well!

My mother-in-law mailed me some baby magazines (it's her first grandchild, so she's really into it even from two continents away), and I unfortunately fell in love with a very expensive bedding set. What kind of scam is crib bedding sets? Crazy expensive, and all I want is the quilt anyway to use as a play mat. I'm just starting to learn how to sew, but I wish I was much better at it so I just make a copy. So stinking cute!


----------



## Carybear

Ok left... Not sure if you're going to post pics on the other site, but I want to see pics of your little bean


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi all :hi: Today I feel truly blessed and very very thankful to the man upstairs. 
My scan was today and you all know I was a nervous wreak , I have not relaxed for one second of the past 8 weeks , and I was so certain that the news would be bad . Well I'm am so relieved to tell you it wasn't :happydance: everything was just fine with my bean . They are measuring 4 days ahead of my calculations at 9w ( mine from lmp 8+3) and have the most wonderful heartbeat :) 

Hearing it for even the briefest of time has made all my suffering , sadness, heartache and uncertainty on this road towards motherhood worth it and more . 

I know there is still a long way to go but today I praise GOD for this blessing , I'm hopeful, thankful and filled with joy :cloud9: 

Now would ya like to see a pic or two lol......


----------



## Left wonderin

<3<3<3<3<3
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 26 KB
Views: 5


----------



## Left wonderin

And heartbeat :)
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 24.5 KB
Views: 6


----------



## rayraykay

YAYYYYY!! Oh left my heart sings for you. I am so so thrilled for you. Yes yes yes! Congrats mommy I'm so so excited, happy and relieved to hear baby is well!!! xoxoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

So awesome!!!!!


----------



## anchor08

That's amazing Left, congratulations! I love pictures at that stage, little gummy bear!


----------



## Starry Night

Here's the graduation thread. I've been looking for it but couldn't find it. I don't want to get anyone too excited yet but it's really looking like I'll be joining you. Got a very, very faint line today and have been getting loads of symptoms. I'm testing again on Tuesday. I've believed this whole time that my next pg would be my rainbow so am really hoping this is it!

Will catch up on the posts now...


----------



## rayraykay

Oh starry, I'm sending you and your little bean good juju and love. I know you're probably feeling a million ways right now... So we are here to feel happy for you. Let us know how the faint line progresses. I also think this could definitely be your rainbow.

I've been following the other thread very closely even if I don't always chime in. Please keep us updated... I will be sending constant love.


----------



## rayraykay

Had to share with all of you-

IT'S A GIRL!!!!! Everything looks good! My dreams were spot on :)

How is everyone?

xoxo


----------



## rayraykay

Had to share with all of you-

IT'S A GIRL!!!!! Everything looks good! My dreams were spot on :)

How is everyone?

xoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

rayraykay said:


> Had to share with all of you-
> 
> IT'S A GIRL!!!!! Everything looks good! My dreams were spot on :)
> 
> How is everyone?
> 
> xoxo

Yahoo :happydance: so delighted for you :) a little princess :) bet your over the moon :) can I ask how you decided to find out and not to stay team yellow . I'm in two minds about it


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you! (Sorry my previous post posted twice... I'm posting from my mobile so maybe that's why...) 

My husband and I decided to find out for a few reasons.
1. We wanted to be able to narrow down the name search and only focus on girl names or boy names.
2. We wanted to be able to plan more adequately. I know you can still plan when you don't know but I wanted to be able to really plan the nursery around whether it's a boy or girl. Ill do mostly neutral colors anyway cause that's what we like but I wanna give the room or girl or boy flair. 
3. My curiosity would eat me alive. 
4. I have also heard (IT'S ONLY WHAT I'VE HEARD!! It's totally not a universal truth) but that you're really able to totally bond to the idea that your child is growing inside you when you know what he or she is. You can start calling the baby by names you like and see what fits (although you can't know for sure until you see the babe) and you can start calling the baby he or she. 

These are my reasons and mine only, I can totally understand wanting the thrill of the surprise. That would be special in a completely different way, but still totally magical :) what are you thinking left?


----------



## Left wonderin

I was thinking I'd wait and have the SUPRISE but having talked to people and my sisters I'm kinda leaning towards finding out now all things still being well by then ( taking nothing for granted ) I have 4 sisters and 3 of them have said exactly that thing that finding out really helps with the bonding as the baby takes on a persona before birth its a if you already " know " them . Rather than it just being the " baby" One sister who found out on one and not on the other said she even forgot to ask what sex the baby was for a few mins lol.......
She after doing both would definitely find out again . ....... Also OH keeps referring to the baby as "he " I keep reminding it could be a she and he just laughs ..... Might be good to know before they arrive lol........


----------



## Left wonderin

Anyway have loads of time before I have to make that decision ..... Maybe it will be taken out of our hands totally and baby will have other ideas lol.....


----------



## RedWylder

Yaaaaay Rayray that is amazing!


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you red. How are you?

Left- My husband called our little girl he a lot too. Low and behold, she aint no he! He just had a strong feeling she was a boy. I knew from the start she was a girl. I had a dream at 6 weeks before I heard the heartbeat when I was still terrified.. I asked the baby to come to me and let me know everything was gonna be okay, and in that dream, she was a girl. From that day on, I just knew she was a girl. If she would have turned out to be a boy I would have been shocked. Happy and healthy is the most important tho! Even after just a day of knowing, I love being able to call her she instead of baby. 

I also wanted to ask, (honest opinions please) what do you all think of the name Sloane?

xoxoxo hope everyone is doing well

Anchor- how are you?


----------



## Left wonderin

I love it :) it's got an edge to it but is still pretty :)


----------



## RedWylder

Rayray I'm ok. :) I'm still busy as ever and taking it easy. I've really felt happy this summer with all the sunshine I've been getting. It's such a relief not to be constantly thinking about getting pregnant.

Sloane- pronounced like Slone? or Slow-anne? Haha. It's different and at first I wasn't sure. After a few tries on the tongue it's interesting. It could definitely grow on me but most importantly is how you like it :).


----------



## anchor08

Congrats on having a girl Rayray! Sloane is very nice, makes me think of Ferris Bueller, but kids around her age won't know it. :) And it's not a bad association at all.

I'm doing well, pretty good energy. We had overseas visitors the last two weeks, which was really tiring, and my eating and exercise got way off track. Trying not to be upset about the few extra pounds (24 weeks is usually a growth spurt anyway, right?) and just get back on a good routine, but it's hard when you're used to eating all kinds of unhealthy things! Also, my husband's family is arriving Wednesday for 10 days, so I don't know what I'll do...

I had my detailed scan two weeks ago and they confirmed that it's a girl (and gave me a very explicit picture, lol!), so the next step is to finally sort out what my insurance will pay for (they take ages to process anything and then deny claims that were submitted properly so it's a big hassle) and then switch from my gynae to a midwife (keeping the gynae for back up, but I want the birthing centre instead of hospital if I can). 

Glad to hear everyone's doing well!


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor that's wonderful news! Where are the bump pictures ladies????? And U/S ones too? I want to know everything so I can live vicariously through ya'll. :)


----------



## Carybear

:Congrats everyone... Rayray and anchor congrats on :pink:

I am so happy that everything has been going great for you both... And you left :hugs:

I'm with red.... I want to see pics!


----------



## rayraykay

Hi ladies-

I'm sorry for the delayed response- work has been a little insane and I haven't found any time to jump on a computer and communicate with all of you lovely women. 

Anchor- having house guests can be so wonderful, but being pregnant and having house guests is a whooooole different ballgame. We have my cousins staying with us over Thanksgiving weekend, when I will be 37 weeks... they are two of my best friends so I know they will understand that I will be pretty tired and not totally able to do whole lot...but preparing the house for them and stuff.. it's gonna be tough! I am also a little worried about the weight I've gained, the doctor said it's perfect and nothing is wrong... It's just really hard for me to see the number on the scale. I am sooo thankful to have a belly and have this little girl on the way, but it's definitely hard on some days to adjust to my new body. I need to be exercising more often as well, blah! 24 weeks totally is a growth spurt! Don't get too down on yourself, remember we are growing babies!!!! Sloane also makes me think of Ferris Bueller... and the HBO show Entourage. Thank you for the support! Have you thought of names for your little girl?

Sloane is pronounced like the word "slown" would be if it were a real word. My husband and I like that it's not popular, it's not super girly, and it's Irish. 

I am glad you are enjoying your summer Red :) I will post pics on my break from work.. I've got some good ones on my phone. 

Left- Let me know how you're doing!!! I can't wait to find out if you're having a boy or a girl (if you decide to find out :hugs:)

Thank you Cary! I will post pics in a little bit!

xoxo have a wonderful day ladies


----------



## rayraykay

Here's an ultrasound from last week... Baby yoga! Hahaha
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 22.2 KB
Views: 2


----------



## rayraykay

Baby bump in the bathroom today
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 25.6 KB
Views: 8


----------



## Left wonderin

rayraykay said:


> Baby bump in the bathroom today

What a cute bump :) my next scan on Monday ill,only be 13 weeks so still another 7 to find out what sex baby is :)


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you!

That's okay! The 13 week scan for me at least was an amazing ultrasound that eased some of my fears. It's crazy to see how they go from a little bean at 7 weeks to a mini person at 13. Please update us ASAP, I can't wait to hear how it goes. When is your due date?

I still get really nervous sometimes, but I am trying not to.


----------



## RedWylder

Fricking adorable! Love your bump rayray!


----------



## RedWylder

OK ladies. As I set into waiting mode, I'd really like to know what the first few weeks were like for you? Should I expect my symptoms to come and go? What were you're symptoms? When did they start to pick up (if they did). I'm managing to keep my anxiety at bay for now but I'm not sure how long that will last and I want some reassurance.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Red I had nearly 0 symptoms till about half way through my 6th week . No sore boobs , no sickness and just a little tiredness . Felt more hungry then usual but that was it . At the end of the 6th week I started to dry heave in the morning out of the blue . Started about 7 + weeks to feel nauseous from lunchtime , then again in the evenings . Lost my appetite completely about 8 weeks . Sore boobs then kicked in but not how I remember them . Mostly at night when I took my bra off , and going over speed bumps lol...
Tbh I panicked more than once as the symptoms came and went a lot between 7-10 weeks , one day here next day not . By week 10 they were kinda constant nauseous from lunchtime to bed time .... This lasted till about 3 days ago !!!!! But at the start defo every day was different at the beginning xxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks Left! I definitely needed that because I'm not feeling anything today. I've had a stomach ache (cross between hunger and nausea) for the past few days and today I feel fine. I don't want to feel fine. I want to feel like I have a baby growing and not dying.


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you for the cute bump comments. I appreciate the support. It's amazing (and crazy sometimes) to see how rapidly your body changes once you hit a certain point. I am so grateful and ridiculously happy to be pregnant and this far along... but the support is appreciated.

As far as symptoms go, the only thing I had until about 10 weeks was really sore boobs and I was SO TIRED. Around 11 weeks, I puked for the first time, but it was mainly from a terrible headache I had. I have had a few really terrible headaches that have ended in throwing up but that wasn't until 11 weeks. I haven't had much nausea at all, only when it goes along with headaches. I was worried in the early stages of my pregnancy because all I really felt until around the 2nd trimester was tired and sore boobs. (Which was exactly how I felt in my pregnancy that ended in my angel.) There were LOTS of days in the beginning where I didn't feel much, and it was so scary. I completely understand your fear. I am sending you and your little bean love xoxoxo


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> OK ladies. As I set into waiting mode, I'd really like to know what the first few weeks were like for you? Should I expect my symptoms to come and go? What were you're symptoms? When did they start to pick up (if they did). I'm managing to keep my anxiety at bay for now but I'm not sure how long that will last and I want some reassurance.

Like Left, mine took a little while to get into full swing. I don't remember exactly when, but I want to say it was around 7 weeks when I started to really feel symptoms. I was nauseaus pretty much all of the time and dry heaved most days, although I only actually threw up once. Similarly, my boobs hurt pretty much all of the time. I would have days where I felt slightly better than others, but my symptoms were fairly consistent.

However, I freaked out around 9.5 weeks because my nausea and food aversions and fatigue suddenly went away and I felt like my old self. I got my doctor to order an ultrasound because I was so convinced that I had miscarried. Thankfully everything was fine, but it was so scary to have everything completely go away! All of my symptoms came back with a vengence though about a week later!


----------



## RedWylder

Your horror stories give me comfort but I'm so nervous right now despite everything ya'll have said. I wish there was something I could do to know right now that I get to keep this baby. Gah! How did you ever make it through these first few weeks without a heart attack.


----------



## Topanga053

I really focused on the present. I figured that the future was completely out of my hands, so I very much adopted the "today I'm pregnant and everything is ok" mantra. I allowed myself to enjoy knowing that I was pregnant that day, so that even if it got taken away from me again, I would have enjoyed the time that I did get to be pregnant. (After 8 months TTCAL and some potentially scary infertility test results, I was really convinced that something was wrong with us and we'd never get pregnant again, so just being pregnant was somewhat relaxing for me at first.)

I also absolutely refused to think about the future. I would not talk about genders or names or nurseries. I was very mindful of the fact that it could get taken away from me again at any time, so I did not want to have a whole life planned for this baby the way I did for my first one. When I did want to focus on the future, I allowed myself to just look ahead to the next milestone (the next week, the first ultrasound, etc). Once I got passed that milestone, I focused on the next small milestone (after the first ultrasound, it was looking ahead to my first doctor's appointment, etc). Focusing on the short term made it more bearable for me.


----------



## rayraykay

It was so hard not to freak out- especially since my symptoms were exactly the same as what happened before that didn't end well. However a few things helped me:

1. repeating this in my head a thousand times a day: "I am happy, I am healthy, I am pregnant. My body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do. My baby is growing strong and healthy inside me. Everything is going to be okay." Trust me, I truly didn't believe it for a long time, but after saying it so many times... I started to and it actually helped. I seriously said it to myself about 7 times a day in the first 14 weeks.

2. I caved and bought a doppler. I got it around 9 weeks and listened to the baby's heartbeat every other day or so from 9 weeks until I started to feel her move a lot (around 19-20 weeks). It was 60 dollars, but honestly, for my sanity it was worth every penny. 

Don't let yourself believe that worrying will effect anything either if you can help it. I was a wreck there for a little while and everything turned out okay. I was terrified it wouldn't. This baby is coming Red. I know it's not easy to believe, but I will believe it for you. xoxo


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks guys. That made me tear up a little Rayray. I'm trying so hard to be positive and most of the time I feel sort of excited in a reluctant/cautious way but I'm afraid of letting myself want it too much since it just makes it that much harder later. Topanga, you are so right about just focusing on one little milestone at a time. Currently, it's making it to tomorrow which will be 5 weeks. And then it will be making it to next Tuesday which will be 6 weeks. After that at 7 weeks is my scan and that's as far ahead as I can think without panicking.


----------



## rayraykay

Anything I can do to help I will. And topanga is right- focusing on small milestones is very helpful. Heck, I still get really nervous. It's hard not to when you've gone thru what we have. Tomorrow is 5 weeks, that's something to look forward to. Get yourself a small treat every Tuesday whether it be a favorite food or a good movie to rent or something. Or maybe just close your eyes and say happy 5 weeks to your baby. I couldn't help getting attached and imagining a life for this baby like i did for my angel. i knew it'd hurt more if this baby turned out to be an angel as well- but I just can't help it. It would of course be a lot harder, but it also gave me hope. It gave me hope that I will get to meet this baby. And I believe I will. And I believe you'll meet the one growing inside of you too red. 

xoxoxo


----------



## Topanga053

Happy 5 weeks, Red! :happydance: I turn on Tuesdays too, so this will be easy for me to remember! :winkwink:


----------



## RedWylder

We should do bump picture Tuesday. :) You're right ray ray, it might hurt more later on but I need to feel hope so maybe ill let myself feel a bit more attached to this pregnancy and baby.


----------



## rayraykay

Happy 5 weeeeekksss!!!!!!!! :) :) :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Happy 5 weeks RED , we have the same change day !! I'm 15 weeks today !!! I can't believe it !! 15 weeks !! Our babies will only be 2 months apart in age :)


----------



## Topanga053

Left, I keep forgetting that you got bumped up!! I'm 15 weeks today too!!


----------



## Left wonderin

We really are bump buddies so lol !!! I feel like a fraud though lol.....


----------



## RedWylder

3 people with change days on Tuesday??? We are definitely starting a Tuesday bump picture thing. I'll even post a picture of my non-bump this evening.


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol red , when I get one ill post !!! Till then its disguised as a flabby belly !!!! No pictures of that !!


----------



## Topanga053

Deleted.


----------



## Topanga053

Left wonderin said:


> Lol red , when I get one ill post !!! Till then its disguised as a flabby belly !!!! No pictures of that !!

Ha! Too funny. We've been taking weekly "bump" pictures since week 10. This morning, I woke DH up and the first thing he said was, "tonight's chunky picture time!" 

Last week I told him I hoped the baby was doing ok and he said, "of course the baby's fine... look at how fat you are!!" :haha: This is the only time that DH can make fat jokes and have me not only laugh, but be genuinely happy about it! :haha:


----------



## RedWylder

Hahahahaha That is exactly something my hubby would say.


----------



## rayraykay

I change on Tuesday too! How funny. And it's okay... the fat stage ends soon. My bump started looking pregnant like around 17-18 weeks. I know everyone is different but you ladies should have pregnant looking bodies in no time. Red- if your boobs get huge before you get the belly, enjoy that hahaha cause it's kinda like having fake boobs on your normal body... it's also kinda fun ;) (even tho they are so sore it's not fun for them to be touched ha ha ha)


----------



## RedWylder

That would be awesome Rayray. I wasn't blessed with a chest so a little cleavage can never hurt. :) Maybe I'll finally fill out a shirt.


----------



## Topanga053

I can't believe that FOUR of us change on Tuesdays!!! That's insane!!


----------



## Left wonderin

It is a bit Crazy alright !!!!! What's your edd Topanga ?


----------



## Topanga053

2/11/2014. You must be the same??


----------



## rayraykay

That is pretty funny! 2/11... What a sweet valentines gift :) <3


----------



## RedWylder

I'm having a nervous day. I keep thinking "what if I don't see a baby and a beating heart in a few weeks?". And then I realize that I've got two more weeks before I find anything out.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> I'm having a nervous day. I keep thinking "what if I don't see a baby and a beating heart in a few weeks?". And then I realize that I've got two more weeks before I find anything out.

Awh Red wish I could take some of that worry away !!!! I was convinced I was having a chemical , ectopic , phantom pregnancy lol.... You name it worried about everything under to sun !!!! Don't think ahead !!!! Remember 

TODAY YOU ARE PREGNANT AND ALL IS OK :flower: ( tis the only way I got through it ) had to drag my mind out of those thoughts as they are not helpful and ultimately worrying wont change the outcome but WILL rob you of the happiness and enjoyment of the here and now :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Weirdly Topanga my edd is the 14th of February !!!!! Weird or what !!! When was your LMP ? I've seen other son here due on the 15 th and 13th who are 15 weeks !!!! Making no sense to me lol....that's why I asked !


----------



## Left wonderin

So when are we putting tickers up bump buddy ??? I'm thinking after to 20 week scan lol....... Are you planning on finding out if your team blue or pink ?


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> I'm having a nervous day. I keep thinking "what if I don't see a baby and a beating heart in a few weeks?". And then I realize that I've got two more weeks before I find anything out.

Aw Red :hugs: I hate those days so much. I can totally relate to how you're feeling. The night before my first scan, I was a nervous wreck. I didn't sleep more than about an hour and I was convinced that I wouldn't see anything on the screen. Even after three healthy ultrasounds, I STILL have days like that. But Left is right... today you're pregnant and everything is ok!! 



Left wonderin said:


> Weirdly Topanga my edd is the 14th of February !!!!! Weird or what !!! When was your LMP ?... So when are we putting tickers up bump buddy ??? I'm thinking after to 20 week scan lol....... Are you planning on finding out if your team blue or pink ?

That IS weird!! My LMP was May 7. Yours?? 

As far as tickers, idk! I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon (trying not to think about it too much lol). I thought I might put one up afterwards if everything goes well. And yes, I am definitely planning on finidng out the sex!! September 20 is the big day, assuming everything continues to go well!! What about you??


----------



## rayraykay

Red I am so sorry. I also still have days like that. I wish I could take the worry away too, but unfortunately as you know only time and good news can do that. I am keeping positive for you tho, everything is going to be okay and you will hold your rainbow. Your body is working just as it's supposed to! Your baby is growing strong and healthy inside you!!!!

Good luck at your appt today Topanga, I have one today too :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga my LMP was 14th of May ?? Weird or what !!!!! I'm thinking they are dating thinking I caught the egg a week before I think I o/v ??? Not quite sure but they said I was measuring 8 days ahead so they changed my edd from the 18th of February to the 14th of February ??? 

He,LO everyone else hope you are all well and all the appointments went well today :) 
Anyway I'm sure they will arrive when they are good and ready and not before lol......


----------



## SusieC

Hello ladies,
May I join? I've made it over here! I got a "pregnant 1-2 weeks" on a CB digital this am :) I am beyond happy!!! My OH doesn't even know yet as he is away and back tonight! I've felt pregnant for nearly a week but didn't want to get his or my hopes up. After 8 long months TTC this time & nearly 18 months TTC altogether it feels pretty amazing. Like I imagine all or you were/maybe still are I feel a bit nervous. But I'm doing my best to trust my body that this is my rainbow. Am going to make a GP apt today to see about baby aspirin and progesterone as rec by my gynaecologist.


----------



## rayraykay

Of course you can join!!! Congrats on your positive test, that is such a wonderful feeling even if it's also anxiety inducing because of past experiences. I've found in this current pregnancy to try to enjoy every step as much as I can (enjoying it was/still sometimes is nearly impossible but i really do try.. it gets easier every day..) while still knowing I'm going to feel nervous and unsure. I have never for a second stopped believing that this is my rainbow. Even in the beginning when I'd say "this is my rainbow I know it." Then I'd have a cramp and I'd say "never mind. It's over. I know it." It's a crazy roller coaster that not all women have to be on in pregnancybut.. Maybe we are just a special breed of strong that we can actually handle it. Congratulations on your pregnancy, welcome to the group, have a great time telling your significant other/baby daddy ;) xoxo I look forward to talking to you more.


----------



## Left wonderin

Welcome susie :) and well done on your wonderful news xxxx


----------



## SusieC

Thanks for your replies and letting me join. I remember some of you guys from before. I've just read the whole thread and can see what a bumpy ride I may be in for, but also lots of joy as you make your milestones. It's super early days for me but thanks for the advice about taking it one day at a time. I've been referred for an early scan already so that's my next goal :)


----------



## Topanga053

rayraykay said:


> Good luck at your appt today Topanga, I have one today too :)

Thanks Ray! Everything went well. She able to find the HB with the doppler really quickly this time. Last time (at 11+2) she couldn't find it with the doppler, so she did an abominal ultrasound and we saw the baby, but no HB. Then she did a transvag ultrasound and we immediately saw the HB. But OMG was it so scary!!! We talked about that yesterday and she was like, "I felt so bad for you!! I couldn't imagine a worse person for that to happen to!!!!" LOL I love my doctor. She's seriously one of the sweetest people I've ever met.

How did your apt go???



SusieC said:


> Hello ladies,
> May I join? I've made it over here! I got a "pregnant 1-2 weeks" on a CB digital this am :) I am beyond happy!!! My OH doesn't even know yet as he is away and back tonight! I've felt pregnant for nearly a week but didn't want to get his or my hopes up. After 8 long months TTC this time & nearly 18 months TTC altogether it feels pretty amazing. Like I imagine all or you were/maybe still are I feel a bit nervous. But I'm doing my best to trust my body that this is my rainbow. Am going to make a GP apt today to see about baby aspirin and progesterone as rec by my gynaecologist.

Welcome Susie!! Congrats on the BFP!!! :happydance: I definitely remember seeing you around from before. It took DH and I 8 months to get this BFP after our MC too. Isn't that awful?? I think a long wait like that is 10x harder after a loss! But so glad to hear that's over for you now!! And that's wonderful that they're going to get you in for an early scan! When is it??


----------



## RedWylder

Welcome Susie! It's good to have someone early in pregnancy to share my craziness with. One day at a time. "Today I'm pregnant, feeling icky, and I'm ok"

So glad your scan went well Topanga. Left?


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol I'm loving the add on RED !!! " I feel icky " pmsl !!!!! I was at a training day on mindfulness today which was wonderful all about dealing with stress and living in the hear and now , what I learned is that 50% of the time we worry when were are happy that it will end and 50 % of the time we try avoid " not deal" with the " bad stuff that is happening . So in reality we never ever live and experience the hear and now either the good or the bad !!! So its all about learning to stay in the present which apparently enhances your life and reduces stress and negative outcomes :) so the advise is if you start to stress just take a second to " observe " the fact and check in with yourself which brings you back to the hear and now !!! 
It's harder than it sounds lol. 

AFM my jeans are getting very tight and uncomfortable ! Don't think ill be in them for much longer , I do believe there is a bump emerging or trying to from beneath the belly flab !!! Lol


----------



## rayraykay

YAY for tight jeans!!! I remember feeling that way and being excited- it was a great feeling. 

I am so glad they found the HB topanga! It's a brilliant sound isn't it? Your baby must be a mover if they doc had trouble finding it with the doppler ;) That is so scary to have to wait, but then to hear the baby's heart AND see the baby? Awesome!! Thank you for asking how mine was, I appreciate it. It went well. Listened to the heartbeat with the doppler, and she started measuring my belly this week. I do the glucose test at the next appt. 

At my work we did a mindfulness training too left! I found it to be very helpful not only in this part of my life but in others as well :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Rayray only 4 days to v day :) I can't wait for that milestone :)


----------



## rayraykay

yeah!! Thank you for reminding me Left. That will be a great milestone to hit!


----------



## Left wonderin

Think for me that's when I will truly relax xx


----------



## Topanga053

I'm so glad your appointment went well, Ray! Baby was definitely moving a lot at the ultrasound, but the doctor said that she couldn't hear it w/the doppler because I have a retroverted uterus and it was still early (11 weeks back then). But it WAS a special treat to get to see the baby then! It was almost disappointing when it worked right away with the doppler this time and I didn't get another unexpected ultrasound! :winkwink:

Left, my clothes have definitely been getting snug too! I gave up everything except for my looser clothes several weeks ago. Then today I noticed my sweater is riding up, so it's shorter in the front than in the back! :haha: I think it will be time to switch to maternity in the next couple of weeks!! Thankfully, one of my friends gave me her whole maternity wardrobe (most of which is office attire), so I won't have to buy too many new clothes for work! Exciting! Have you felt any movement yet, Left??


----------



## Left wonderin

None that I can distinguish but I'm paying close attention as I can't wait to feel that first movement :) it's one of the things I'm looking most forward to . I'm not sure what I'm on the look out for yet. I've read it described as like having wind ? Butterfly's ? Rumbling tummy ? But how will I know that its baby rather than wind lol....... 

Have you felt anything ?


----------



## Topanga053

I've had a couple of mornings (and once this afternoon) where I've felt this random fluttering that I think was baby. It almost felt like someone was really briefly and lightly tapping on my insides. I've never felt anything like it before, so I think it must be baby. It only lasts for about a second and then it's gone and I might not feel it again for a few days. I really can't wait until it's more defined and I can be SURE that it's baby and not my imagination!!


----------



## RedWylder

I'm so excited for you guys getting to feel movement! It's still so absolutely amazing to me that you can have a living creature in your belly just kicking around.

I'm feeling more confident since I feel like crap all day long. I still don't feel any urge to barf except when I eat my pill on an empty stomach but the persistent icky feeling goes a long way to making me feel more positive about this pregnancy


----------



## rayraykay

That sounds like movement to me! At first it's just little flutters here and there... it really does just feel like a butterfly is flying around in your tummy. And at first, the baby is still relatively small so you will only feel it for a fleeting second. That started for me around 15-16 weeks. I definitely got it confused with gas at first...:dohh: I didn't start feeling definite kicks or moving until 19-20 weeks. Now I definitely do. It's such a surreal feeling at first. It's very, very cool. 

YAY for feeling like poop red!! yahoooo!!!!! (although I am so sorry because it's hard to work & do other things....) but it is SO reassuring! :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

The only reason I'm even thinking it maybe movement rather than gas is that there is a pattern to it . It's every night well for the past 3 night right about bed time , I've never had it before but I've never been this far pregnant before so could as easily be gas !!!!! Lol don't worry ya will all know when I eventually do feel a "real kick " ill be so excited and in awe ill go on about it for days :) 

RED delighted your feeling ucky lol .......... It's a weird feeling as you feel uck thinking " thank God !!!! I counted to every morning for the past 79 days I've dry heaved for 20 mins in the morning !! Now its just part of my day lol......


----------



## SusieC

SusieC said:


> Hello ladies,
> May I join? I've made it over here! I got a "pregnant 1-2 weeks" on a CB digital this am :) I am beyond happy!!! My OH doesn't even know yet as he is away and back tonight! I've felt pregnant for nearly a week but didn't want to get his or my hopes up. After 8 long months TTC this time & nearly 18 months TTC altogether it feels pretty amazing. Like I imagine all or you were/maybe still are I feel a bit nervous. But I'm doing my best to trust my body that this is my rainbow. Am going to make a GP apt today to see about baby aspirin and progesterone as rec by my gynaecologist.

Welcome Susie!! Congrats on the BFP!!! :happydance: I definitely remember seeing you around from before. It took DH and I 8 months to get this BFP after our MC too. Isn't that awful?? I think a long wait like that is 10x harder after a loss! But so glad to hear that's over for you now!! And that's wonderful that they're going to get you in for an early scan! When is it??[/QUOTE]

Thanks Topanga. Yep 8 months felt like FOREVER!! lol! I don't have a date for my scan yet, after the weekend my midwife is going to try and get me one but won't be for a few weeks as I'm only 4 weeks 0 days, so v v v early days for me! 
So exciting to see that you and others are feeling fluttering, that must feel wonderful! X


----------



## SusieC

RedWylder said:


> Welcome Susie! It's good to have someone early in pregnancy to share my craziness with. One day at a time. "Today I'm pregnant, feeling icky, and I'm ok"
> 
> So glad your scan went well Topanga. Left?

Yep, I'm your girl for getting through the first trimester with :) I'm defo up for the "feeling icky" bit!!! The ickier the better in my mind! I'm praying for lots of morning sickness lol!!! I had nausea before but no actual sickness, I think that anything that is different in this pregnancy will help me feel reassured but generally i feel positive- this will be my rainbow!!!

I guess I'll be aspiring to left's heaving every morning just being part of my day! Lol! 

It's great to be able to hear how some of you ladies in your second & third trimesters are getting on - gives me great hope indeed!


----------



## Topanga053

Ha! Be careful what you wish for! I was so enthusiastic about being sick in the beginning, but when my dry heaving and nausea hung around until well after 14 weeks, it definitely started getting old! Then I re-started thinking that whole "please let me feel sick" thing!

I'm so excited for you guys though, Susie and Red! I have a good feeling!!!!


----------



## SusieC

Topanga053 said:


> Ha! Be careful what you wish for! I was so enthusiastic about being sick in the beginning, but when my dry heaving and nausea hung around until well after 14 weeks, it definitely started getting old! Then I re-started thinking that whole "please let me feel sick" thing!
> 
> I'm so excited for you guys though, Susie and Red! I have a good feeling!!!!

I know lol! I've already said to my OH "when I've got my head down the loo remind that I REALLY wanted this!!!"

Nice that you have a good feeling - thanks :) Me too I defo feel calmer with this pregnancy than I did with the 2nd one.


----------



## RedWylder

Happy turnover day!!! 6 weeks for me. :) Although last night I woke with this conviction that I lost the baby and I would miscarry in a few days. I still can't shake the feeling that something is wrong.


----------



## Topanga053

Happy turnover day!!

Aww Red :hugs: I'm sure I've probably told you this story 500 times by now (I tend to repeat mysef... I get it from my mother lol!), but I was entirely convinced that I'd lost the baby between 9-10 weeks. I mean really, I was convinced. Obviously, my intuition sucks and everything was fine. I think a loss really messes with your mind.

When is your first scan???


----------



## RedWylder

My Scan is on Sept 5th! My husband will be moose hunting during this time so he won't be able to make it but I plan on video taping it all (assuming it's good).


----------



## Left wonderin

Happy turn over day ladies :) 16 weeks today! Got a bit of a scare last night when I had a big glob of whitish , brown , pink, yellow tinged jelly like substance on my underwear !! Sent me into a tail spin !!!! Only happened the once ( wondering if it was connected to DTD on Saturday ?) left over semen that coagulated ? Anyway nothing since but enough to make me worry enough to have a weird dream that I miscarried by the babies brains coming out !! They were green !!!!! Uck I hate feeling scared something will go wrong . I'm paranoid all day with every twinge , and back on knicker watch 1,0000 times today !!!! Come on 24 weeks you can't come quickly enough !!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Left! You're supposed to tell me that the fear goes away and I will be fine in a few weeks.


----------



## rayraykay

Happy turnover day everyone!!!

I know the feeling too red & topanga. Every other second I was convinced something bad was going to happen or had already happened. It was awful. If I felt normal I freaked out. If I had cramps I'd freak out (even tho that can be a good sign during pregnancy..) so just try to hang in there red. Everything is gonna be okay.

Ahh left I'm so sorry that's so scary. But I bet everything is okay. Dreams can really shake you tho. I had some scary ones for awhile, sometimes still do. 

Welcome Susie!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

LOl Red you are right !!!!! Overall it does get easier lol there are days. Now I Actually look forward ;) . I researched my emmmm little issue and seems it has happened to others after DTD . No reoccurrence since thank God . That's is no DTD till trying for the next one lol..... My heart can't take it !!!!!!!! 

How is everyone doing ?


----------



## SusieC

Happy turn over day to everyone for yesterday!! Sorry to hear you had a fright Left and that you're struggling Red. Not long til your scan now, but it feels like FOREVER!!! I spoke to my midwife today who was a bit shitty about getting me am early scan because I've "only" had 2 MCs. Anyway I asked her to refer me to EPAU (as when I had my first MC there they said I could request am early scan with them). I've got a scan for 9th sept but I'll only be 6+2 so I might not see much anyway, but I was so grateful for the apt I took it!


----------



## Topanga053

Susie, so glad you got a scan!! That's awful about your midwife being reluctant to give you one! That's one thing I love about my doctor's office. I automatically got a scan at 6+6 because of my previous loss (my doctor wanted me to have an early scan to help me relax) and they got me in right away for another one at 9+6 when I noticed a decrease in symptoms. At 9+6, the tech said, "I'm so glad you called us! We don't want you to be worrying all the time!! Now let's see that baby of yours!" LOVE them!!!

As far as the scan, you never know! I was supposed to be 6+6 at my first, but baby was measuring 5+6 (which we knew would happen because I ovulate a week late). Not only did we see a little speck of a baby, but we saw AND were able to measure the HB! I know it can go either way that early, but sometimes you really can see stuff!


----------



## SusieC

Thanks Topanga. I felt like I was being a neurotic nuisance to be honest. The EPAU were brilliant when I saw them before, so I know I'll have good treatment there. I'm v sure on my dates as I had a scan (to check for cysts) the day after I ov!

I am feeling a bit anxious today tho, think its because I "felt" a bit less pregnant this am. Trying to stay positive, as there is much more chance of this pregnancy going right than wrong. OH is struggling so I'm trying not to worry him too much. He thinks we won't cope if it happens again. I can't wait to have the first scan, the days are crawling by. I guess this journey will be up and down! Seeing how you guys have progressed gives me lots of hope.


----------



## Left wonderin

Susie I'm with ya re feeling less pregnant I'm 16 weeks 2 days now and can't wait till the 30th of September to see this LO again :) , right now I've no bump , feeling no movments and feeling less tired and less sick ! I wish there was a little window into my uterus !!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Susie, I definitely know how you feel. There are days I wake up and just don't feel like it's real or it's not gonna last. And then the nausea returns. Still no pukey for me but I'm miserable enough to buy some unisom. I'm afraid of puking on my students.


----------



## Topanga053

Happy turnover day everyone!!

Quick question for those of you who are a little further along, I've been having some odd, dull aches/cramps the last couple of days. I've had strong period cramps before, but this is a little different. It's in my stomach/back area and just sort of a constant, relatively dull sense of being uncomfortable/slightly painful. I'm sure it's just growing pains, but has anyone else experienced something like this?? If it matters, it was much worse after DH and I walked around a lot yesterday.


----------



## rayraykay

Happy turnover day! One step closer!


Topanga- yes yes and yes. I got really strong ones around 15-18 weeks. It was always worse when I was walking around a lot or standing for long periods. The ones that go into your back are normal too. I asked my doctor if it was okay around 16 weeks & she said as long as they aren't completely constant every second of single day (and don't continue for hours and hours after you rest) and there's not lots of blood involved, it's okay. She alsk told me to be aware that some days they will happen much more. Your uterus is stretching so much and it's gonna hurt. However, women who have been what we've been thru... That's hard to accept. What you're describing sounds like what I experienced. I still get some crampy pain now & it still worries me. I don't think it will ever not worry me in pregnancy.

Have a wonderful day everyone!


----------



## RedWylder

7 weeks. U/s on Thursday and I'm afraid but doing my best to keep the fear at bay.


----------



## Left wonderin

To panga I've experienced exactly the same sensations and pains over the last week or so, stays for a few hours and tends to be as the day wears on . I put it down to stretching . Hope I'm right xxx


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks ladies!! I figured it was normal, but it's always nice to have reassurance! 

Red- fingers crossed for Thursday!! It's normal to be nervous. I don't think I slept a full hour the night before my first scan. It's such a nerve wracking experience for those of us who have had a loss, especially if the earlier loss(es) were diagnosed by ultrasound! But today you're pregnant (7 weeks!! yay!!) and everything is ok!!


----------



## SusieC

RedWylder said:


> 7 weeks. U/s on Thursday and I'm afraid but doing my best to keep the fear at bay.

Good luck for thurs. this whole thing is terrifying. I've had a really bad and anxious day. I think it's because I'm at the stage where I was bleeding last time. I keep telling myself "there's more chance of it going well than of it going wrong." So I'll say the same to you and give you a big hug! Thursday will be one more milestone that you'll pass and get closer to meeting your rainbow


----------



## RedWylder

Susie I totally understand. I'm right at the point where I started spotting last time. However the spotting was expected then because I had had a poor U/S at 6 weeks showing an underdeveloped sac with no baby. We couldn't even diagnose if it was blighted or not because it was obvious that everything had stopped growing early on. I definitely feel confident that I'll see more this time but I'm hoping and praying that baby is 1. alive 2. heart is beating nice and fast 3. baby isn't too small 4. there is a baby at all.


----------



## rayraykay

Thinking of you both Susie & red. xoxoxo hope everyone had a nice Tuesday


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks Rayray! My Tuesday was actually quite nice. My hubby is trying his best to be really patient and understanding and it's sweet. He normally is a pain in the butt. lol 

On a side note, my boobs are starting to fill out my bras in ways they never have before. It's quite fascinating. I've always been small chested so it's a new experience to have something there. They get in the way! I have to move them around when I'm sleeping because they sort of have a mind of their own. hahaha


----------



## rayraykay

Baaahahahahaha that happened to my boobs too!! It was the first thing that I really noticed physically. They will only get bigger!!! Mine are out of control. 

That's a fantastic sign lady!!


----------



## SusieC

Thanks Red and Rayray. Today is a new day and I'm 5+4! My boobs are also massive and kill :) I wouldn't mind some proper morning sickness to seal the deal lol!! 
I'll be thinking of you tomoro Red :hugs: I find (like us all I'm sure) US so scary but I'm telling myself this time there WILL be a heartbeat.


----------



## Left wonderin

Sending lots of positive thoughts your way Red and Susie :) it's so so hard !!!! Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a time machine and you could press the FAst FOrward button !! Although not sure where I would fast forward too . I'm still a bag of nerves !!! Now at 17 weeks still have no bump , not feeling movement so feeling like " eh is there really something in there lol " I'm never happy was worried as I still has MS It eased for two days and then I worried it had gone , it's come back this morning and I'm back to worrying is that normal !!!!!!! I guess girls we better get used to it as we have a lifetime of worry ahead of us as Mammys ;)


----------



## SusieC

Thanks Left. I think you're right after a loss there is always worry. In my time machine (great idea by the way!!) I'd prob go straight to 35 weeks or something lol!!! At the moment I'd love to be the day after a successful 12 week scan! I'm hoping the scan on Monday will be the first of many positive scans!


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol setting the co- ordinates for you now !!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Re bigger boobs: DH kept telling me I was pregnant this time because my boobs were bigger. Lol he was like, "seriously, you're pregnant this time. Your boobs are huge! I would know!" Lmao


----------



## SusieC

Topanga053 said:


> Re bigger boobs: DH kept telling me I was pregnant this time because my boobs were bigger. Lol he was like, "seriously, you're pregnant this time. Your boobs are huge! I would know!" Lmao

Lol! My OH is the same! He's in awe but it's strictly no touching!


----------



## Left wonderin

The man upstairs gave me big boob to begin with d cup !!!!!!! Now my nipples look like they are taking over lol.... !!!!


----------



## RedWylder

My boobs really haven't gotten so tender that no touching is a rule. I dunno if it's because I'm smaller chested to begin with but they hurt but it's not amazing painful so both hubby and I have been playing. Hahaha it's just so weird to me!


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> My boobs really haven't gotten so tender that no touching is a rule. I dunno if it's because I'm smaller chested to begin with but they hurt but it's not amazing painful so both hubby and I have been playing. Hahaha it's just so weird to me!

Give it time Red , wait till 11 weeks and you will be like , get away from my boobies !!!!! Mine used to hurt going over speed ramps !!


----------



## rayraykay

Thinking of you Susie and red! Big boobs is a great sign. Even if they aren't tender...(yet) cause like left said- it's probably coming! From weeks 11-20 they were pretty much a no touching zone so poor DH would just have to stare. Hahahahah left I'm in a similar boat.. I was a C cup before this and now I'm a double D maybe even gonna surpass that! My nipples are also a tad large. Ha ha ha biology is so cool.


----------



## Topanga053

Left wonderin said:


> Mine used to hurt going over speed ramps !!

OMG YESSSSS! This has totally happened to me. Also, when I was about 10 weeks (before we had announced) one of my good guy friends hugged me goodbye and he squeezed wicked tight. I thought I was going to cry!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Thinking of you today, Red!!! Let us know how everything goes!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Still no update on Red here, either? Really thinking of her today!!

I loved boob play during pregnancy. Just nothing on the nips. ha ha! Mine got achey but still liked the touching but my sex drive during my son's pregnancy was through the roof and i was on a sex ban by doctor's orders. It was my uterus that was ultra sensitive to bumps so you can imagine driving down country dirt roads at 9 months pregnant. Yikes!

Carry on....hope you don't mind a TTC'er butting her head in. ;)


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, please! You're ALWAYS welcome here!!! It's just a pre-cursor for when you'll be joining us for real! :winkwink:

No, no word from Red yet. I'm anxious for news!!

And that's so funny about your sex drive! Both times I've been pregnant, I have NO sex drive!!! I normally have a super high drive, so the difference is really, really noticable. This time, I haven't even felt nearly as physically affectionate toward DH as normal (hugging, hand holding, etc). It's all coming back a little bit since I hit second tri, but still not at normal levels.


----------



## RedWylder

Gosh today was exhausting but I've made it home and for once I'm not sobbing hysterically in my bed mourning the loss of yet another baby. That's right my peanut is alive and doing well!!! Heartbeat was 157 bpm, and he/she measure a perfect 7 weeks and 2 days. How's that for guessing my O date?? I feel sooooo relieved and happy.

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo_zps37bd54b1.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

Red - so super please for you! :)

Topanga - my drive is already high so I'm super-charged when pregnant. I think my last pregnancy it went down but the other 3 I was like a ravenous beast. But with my history I have to avoid it. *sighs* lol

And I hope my turn is coming soon. I think I'm in the TWW. I'd normally ovulate this coming weekend but I got all my signs last weekend. I've been so hormonal my mom asked if I was pregnant but I had to say, "nope...just ovulating". ha ha


----------



## RedWylder

Hahaha Starry. I hope you'll be joining us soon. Stupid TWW is rough.


----------



## rayraykay

Starry I so hope you will join us soon. You are a rockstar and you deserve it so much.

RED I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! Beautiful picture!! Hearing/seeing the heartbeat is the most beautiful thing. Yayayayayayayyaya man oh man I am relieved and so incredibly happy for you!!!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

The horrible thing with having such a hormonal fertile window is that I have to ignore every single "sign" I get in the TWW because I've been getting those already! I've even gotten morning sickness! Though that stopped once my ov signs stopped. But early ov means I'm already 2 or 4 dpo and AF will be due when I test rather than only being 11dpo (I have a doctor's appointment on the 19th so want to know the verdict before I go). I could even test earlier guilt-free! I just wish I could pinpoint the exact date of ov. I got ov signs from Sunday afternoon to Tuesday morning.


----------



## SusieC

Red- that is the best news! So pleased for you :) 
Fab scan pic too! Hope u got a really good nights sleep after your big day


----------



## Topanga053

Yay Red!!!! I knew it would all be fine!!! What an awesome picture too... the little bean looks so big already!!


----------



## Left wonderin

RED I'm so so thrilled , our broadband was down so only getting to check in now . That deserves a very special HAPPY DANCE ;) :wohoo::wohoo: 
I am SO happy for you :) you can now exhale !! So what was it like hearing the HB ? Did ya shed a tear ? I bawled and had to be asked to stop so they could take measurements lol 

Starry you a free to come hang out with us here :happydance: I think the only reason the thread separated was to spare the feelings of those feeling a little raw and sensitive . We all had periods like that where the last thing we wanted to be a part of was talk of pregnancy . I for one would love if you were a regular lol.....


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, Left. I think I may still give my detailed TTC updates in the TTC thread and once/if AF shows I'll probably prefer staying there but right now I feel like I'm talking to myself over there at this point. lol


----------



## RedWylder

Left I love those dancing faces! haha

My reaction was very underwhelming from the outside. One tear ran down my face as I smiled at the hb. Inside my heart was sighing with relief and just blooming with love. I'm not sure why I didn't respond more dramatically on the outside but I guess that's not who I am. I hide things until I can let be by myself. But it was such a sweet moment for me easily one of the best moments of my life so far.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red that brought a tear to my eye and made me well up !! Xxx


----------



## rayraykay

Starry you can talk to us whenever you'd like. I love having you. I have so much faith that you'll get your rainbow. 

Man red I can't stop smiling for you. And it's okay you didn't have some huge reaction on the outside. I didn't either at the first HB appt- just a few tears and a smile. The appointment I had a big reaction was the 12 week appt & the 20 week one. When you see the baby move around on the monitor.. Gosh it left me speechless. I am sooooo happy for you!!!!! 

How is everyone else?


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor?? I want to know how she's doin. She must be ready to pop!!


----------



## Starry Night

Red - that sounds like me. I internalize a lot of my emotions when in public but at home I'm a stormy mess! With my son I'd tend to laugh and giggle at the scans especially when they came after a major bleed. I'd scold my little baby for scaring me and make dumb jokes because that's what I do to cope.

I've been thinking about anchor too. I totally forget when she was due. I feel like she got pregnant shortly before I did with my latest angel. I had been due early December so that would make her EDD very soon!


----------



## anchor08

I'm here, I'm here! I keep up with these threads all the time but for some reason haven't been writing. 30 weeks today, so I still have a ways to go but it's moving along very quickly. I just had an appointment with an independent midwife with a birthing suite at her offices that one of my friends highly recommended, so I'm planning to be there if all goes well, and she also has a good working relationship with my gyn. in case anything goes wrong and I have to transfer. It's crazy to be actually planning labour! Thinking about it being 7-12 weeks away is blowing my mind. I'm not ready at all yet, but so excited at the same time.

Red, I am SO SO excited for you! What a beautiful picture. I know for me that first successful appointment was amazing but it didn't take all the fear away by a long shot, so we're all still here with you taking it one day at a time. I hope you are celebrating though, even if it's in a quiet way.

Starry, I can't help getting so excited for you with all the crazy preggo signs, such a roller coaster! You are so strong, and I'm really inspired by your steady hope. I'm praying this is the month for you!


----------



## rayraykay

30 weeks!!!! Yay anchor!! Congrats!

I'm with you about both starry and red, couldn't have said it better myself.


----------



## Carybear

Okay... So I had my pity party and pouted for awhile but the truth is I just can't stay away... As much as I'd like to be pregnant, it doesn't diminish one bit my excitement for everyone of you!

Is there room for me to squeeze in?


----------



## skyesmom

hey girls, i'm not pregnant with my rainbow yet, but i know some of you from the mc support group and well some of you are already there like topanga and some of you are almost there like starry and well... it just fills my heart knowing at least some of us got their rainbows on the way :)

if you don't mind a stalker that is :)


----------



## rayraykay

Cary and skyesmom- you are always welcome. Thank you for being so supportive and kind. I know I don't just speak for myself when I say I appreciate it.

xoxoxoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary and Skye , I for one am delighted to have ya along for this journey . I for one need all the support I can get lol.......... It's one scary journey !!! The worry never stops !!! Last night had really bad cramps and was so worried that it was contractions , I'm only 17 weeks ! Anyway they were not like the other cramps I had up to now ..... Well turns out it was trapped wind :haha::blush:

What a relief !! I am not one to worry but now its constant lol............every ache , pain , no pain !!! It's preparation for the next 30+ years :haha:


----------



## SusieC

Hi Cary & Skye
Nice to have more joiners - the more the merrier!
Poor you Left - glad it was only pesky wind!!


----------



## skyesmom

:) thanks for the welcome girls! left, it's so great to know it was nothing serious.. actually just a funny gas inconvenience... i guess you never stop worrying once you become a mother! 
when i lost my first angel, i was worried he was all alone in the heavens, somewhere far where i couldn't reach him or help him from where i was.. i think being a mom makes you kinda silly!

is LucyLake also posting here? i know she's expecting twins and that's one awesome news!


----------



## Topanga053

Hey Cary and Skyesmom!! So glad to see you both over here... you are ALWAYS welcome!! Like Ray said, the support means so much. And, I have to say, I really admire how strong and kind you are (that goes for Starry, too!). Personally, I was so bitter when I was TTCAL that I found it really difficult to even see announcement on the TTCAL board, let alone read the posts over here. So, I guess what I'm saying is you ladies are much better people than I am! :haha: At any rate, so so glad to see you over here and I can't wait until you're all announcing!!! 

Skyesmom- no, I haven't seen Lucylake on here in awhile. Certainly not on this thread. If she's posting on other threads over here, I've missed them!

Left- not to laugh, but that's happened to me SEVERAL times now!! I get these AWFUL cramps and start to worry (not TOO much, since I've had cramps off and on throughout this pregnancy and everything has been fine so far, so I don't let them freak me out too much), and it FREQUENTLY turns out to be insane gas. I don't know if it's related to the constipation, but sometimes the gas I've been passing it just insanely embarrassing!! 

As far as other symptoms, I was really freaked out because two nights in a row last week I woke up with crazy chest pain and I was completely out of breath. I really felt like I was having a heart attack or something and it took a long time to go away; I had to walk around or sit up for awhile. I thought it might be crazy bad heartburn, so last night I took Tums before bed and used an extra pillow. It didn't happen last night, so I'm crossing my fingers that solves the problem!! It's not fun waking up and thinking you're dying!!!! 

It's been a couple of days since I've noticed any movement, so I think I might cave and buy a doppler. My gender ultrasound is in just about a week (next Monday). I'm excited, but already nervous that something will be wrong. You'd think by this point I would be over my fear of seeing something wrong on the ultrasound screen, but nope!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga , thanks , think it also has to do with everything shifting around in there as in the last 4 days my bump has really popped ! Ms has lessened and the pattern of it has changed , think I'm digesting things differently lol........ 

As for the 20 week scan I've mine on the 30th of the month and am already panicked !!!!! Don't think ill ever relax , every stage brings a different worry lol...... And I usually don't worry about stuff !!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - I often deal with bad heartburn, pregnant or no, so what you describe definitely sounds like heartburn. It can also feel like the flu with chills and feeling feverish. Very annoying. Glad that the tums worked for you. When I was pregnant with ds I just assumed all heartburn meds were bad and didn't even bother asking my doctor about them so I just suffered through it. yikes. 

And it does seem a bit early to feel consistent movement. Some girls don't feel any until past 20 weeks if not later. I remember my SiL refusing to believe I felt my son move at 16 weeks because she was 24 when she first felt hers. Even then, it was about 25 weeks before I could do kick counts that were reliable. I had loads of scans and I would see him moving around like crazy and I didn't feel any of it other than the biggest kicks and rolls. 

I understand the nerves though. It's a mom thing, I think. A doppler could help if you're really nervous.

Left - good luck with your upcoming scan! So are you going to stay team yellow or are you going to find out the gender if you can?

skyesmom - lucylake is pregnant?! And twins! Wow! I didn't speak with her overly much but I do remember her from the MC forums. That is so exciting. I'm very pleased for her. :)


----------



## Topanga053

Left, I didn't THINK I was showing that much (even though other people kept saying it, even people who hadn't known I was pregnant) until this evening when I tried on some of my tighter work clothes that I haven't worn for awhile. Yikes!!! I couldn't even get some of them ON and others made my belly look huge!! And I'm so glad to hear I'm not the only one who still worries at scans!!

Starry, I know it's really early, but it's still hard not to worry, especially when I do usually feel something every other day or so! Thank you for the reminder though and a huge thank you for letting me know that my crazy heart attack like symptoms are "normal" for heart burn sufferers!!! I've never felt anything like it!!!! So glad I'm not actually dying! :haha: Where are you in your cycle?? Are you testing anytime soon??


----------



## rayraykay

Topanga- I got a doppler around 9 weeks. I used it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (multiple times even...) until around 21 weeks when I started feeling more consistent movement. I still use it if I don't feel her move for awhile. Don't let anyone tell you it's bad for the baby or whatever, it isn't true. I asked my doctor about using it every day and she said it's 100% okay. Some woman on here when I was posting in a different thread about dopplers told me it was terrible for my baby to use it every day. Well, she had never lost a baby and sent me into a tailspin. Low and behold, that isn't true. If it would help you, get one. Mine has paid for itself tenfold. Again and again and again. 

The worrying never stops. That is why I still use my doppler sometimes. If I don't feel her move very much during a period of time, I use it. If I on accident bump my tummy into something then don't feel her move right away, I use it. Like you ladies have said before me, I guess pregnancy prepares us for a lifetime of worrying about our LO. 

As usual, thinking of all of you and hoping your weekends are going well. xoxo


----------



## skyesmom

Starry - yes LucyLake is pregnant and it's twins by surprise, natural ones, identical and for now monochorionic and monoamniotic!! 

and Topanga, we're no better people then you are, feeling resentful and repelled by other people who are already pregnant is totally normal, especially when you ttc after a loss and you don't get to conceive immediately. Both Starry and I have been dealing with the losses for a while now, and at least in my case, seeing other women who have had losses and managed to get their rainbows gives me hope that i will get my rainbow baby too <3 <3 <3


----------



## RedWylder

Hi Guys! I'm in Vegas right now for a conference for work. I was having fun but today my symptoms don't seem as bad and while I know that this is 100% normal I having troubles staying calm and not worrying. I just want to feel like crap again. :(


----------



## rayraykay

aww Red I promise everything is okay!! I know it doesn't feel like it. But relish the days you feel okay if you can because you never know! You could be hugging the toilet all day tomorrow. Remember, you saw your little bean, and heard the beautiful heartbeat. I am so sorry that you are scared, but I truly truly believe your little one is doing just great.

"I am happy, I am healthy, I am pregnant. My body is working just as it's supposed to. My baby is growing strong and healthy inside of me. Everything is happening just as it should." 

Even if you don't believe it as you're saying it a few times... say it. Say it looking at yourself in the mirror, say it in your own head, say it out loud while falling asleep. Have your partner say it to you. It helped me so much even when I didn't believe what I was saying.

xoxo


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - I'm not exactly sure when in my cycle I am. I meant to temp this time but forgot. :dohh: I got ov signs last weekend but I got a second round a few days ago though the strongest signs were last weekend. By my normal cycles I should have ov'd this past Friday (the day after my second round of ewcm) but my last cycle was off at 50 days so I can't go by the calendar. I'm finally getting post-ov signs so I do think I'm in the TWW. Either way, I plan on testing around the 18th. I'll be 12 to 17dpo by then.

Red - if you weren't having super strong symptoms to begin with it is possible the fun you were having distracted you and made you notice them less. But I sympathize with your worry. Just take a deep breath and put up your feet if you need to. If you're still worried call the doctor and see what s/he says. :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Hi Guys! I'm in Vegas right now for a conference for work. I was having fun but today my symptoms don't seem as bad and while I know that this is 100% normal I having troubles staying calm and not worrying. I just want to feel like crap again. :(

Oh Red , I know exactly how you are feeling !!! I had many many panic stricken days in the first tri as my symptoms were not consistant and seemed to be less or go completly , some times for a couple of days at a time :dohh: even now at 18 weeks tommrow ( even though I want it to go ) I am uneased by the fact I don't feel as sick :wacko: hang in there and like Ray says , today you ae pregnant and all is ok :) xxxxxxxxxx 

Try remember it is very normal and expected for symptoms to adjust as your body adjusts to the rising hormones xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## SusieC

Hi All
Had my scan this am at 6+2- it doesn't look good, no yolk sac, fetal pole or heartbeat. 2 small areas of 3mm & 4mm that "might" be sign of a gestational sac. I'm v sure of my dates as I had a scan which showed when I ov. They took bloods, I go back weds for a repeat. They weren't hopeful, neither am I. I'm feeling pretty devastated right now


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Susie, what awful news! :cry: I know it doesn't look good, but I really, really hope that your little bean is just taking a long time to grow. No matter what happens, we're all here for you, however you need us. :hugs: Let us know what happens on Wednesday.


----------



## SusieC

Thanks so much Topanga. I really value the support I get here. Just going to do my best to get thro the next few days and hope for a miracle


----------



## RedWylder

Oh Susie I am so sorry. I was in almost the exact same place last pregancy and unfortunately it didn't end well. Take time for yourself and just focus on getting through the next few days.

Afm, I'm still going through my own personal nightmare. Ms is still less today and I found a little brown spotting in my underwear just now and I'm freaking out.


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - :cry: I'm so sorry to hear your news. I've been there twice in the past year. It really sucks. But there is still a chance for a miracle. I've done some Googling in the past and studies show that most times it doesn't end happily but there is always that small percentage where things turn out fine. I'm really hoping you get your miracle and defy the odds. :hugs:

Red - I'd call your doctor, hun, and see what s/he says to do. Stay off your feet as much as possible. If the spotting picks up just go to the ER even if it isn't heavy. Since you've already had 2 losses most staff there will by sympathetic and understanding and will try to calm your fears. 

I have had a nurse tell me that bleeding and spotting at 7 to 8 weeks is fairly common as that's when the placenta forms and sometimes it shakes loose some of the womb's lining. 

Thinking of you and your little baby. :hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

Susie i'm so sorry for your news... :hugs: :hugs: and i really really hope you get your miracle there. 6w2d is still really early for a scan and sometimes they mistake it too. 

Red - i agree with Starry, i'd ring a doctor or go to the hospital just to get some reassurance. i'm sure it's all fine with you and your baby, but as you already had two losses, you're going there with a good reason for a check up and the medical staff can't downplay it to simple paranoia. for you, losses were real and it changes things. but i am sure your sweet little bean is just fine in there!

i send tons of hugs to all you ladies :hugs:


----------



## rayraykay

Susie I am so sorry. I also hope little one is just taking a little longer to grow and maybe you'll get good news. Like starry said- miracles are possible. Thinking of you today. Sending you love.

Red- I would definitely call your doctor too & see what they say. Try and stay off your feet. Like starry said if it gets heavy call to an ER. I had a co worker who spotted quite a bit during weeks 6-8 and she is 30 weeks now. Even tho it seems like the worst case scenario..little one is probably just snuggling in tighter. 

Xoxoxo


----------



## SusieC

Red, Starry & Skye - thanks for your kind words and positive wishes. i am holding onto a grain of hope. 
Starry - I've been on those sites tonight - hoping it's me! I'm telling myself all sorts to try and convince myself it could be me but it feels pretty hopeless.
Red my dear I'm so sorry to hear about the spotting - it makes me so angry that we have to go through this again and again. I agree with the others re seeing ur Doctor. Try and remember although it's terrifying it can be harmless :hugs: to you, take care


----------



## Topanga053

rayraykay said:


> Red... I had a co worker who spotted quite a bit during weeks 6-8 and she is 30 weeks now.

Actually, one of the girls who used to post on these boards a lot had two heavy bleeds (one around 8 weeks and another in second tri) and just gave birth to her healthy rainbow five days ago!! It's cruel for that to happen to women who have had a loss, but it definitely does not always mean bad things!! Fingers crossed it's just one of those random things! In the mean time, lots of :hugs:, Red. The fear is just awful. We're all here for you, anytime you need us.


----------



## skyesmom

also a girl who was sharing a room in the hospital with me had a massive massive bleed for 3-4 days around 9 weeks and yet her little one was fine and measuring on time!


----------



## Starry Night

I had frequent toilet-filling bleeds with my son during the first tri. The worst was the m/c of his twin but I had big bleeds after that as well. It's terrifying but there is hope.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry- I just noticed that today is your son's birthday! Happy birthday to him! :dance:


----------



## Topanga053

Well, apparently it's the day for brown spotting. I just had a couple of batches in my underwear/on the toilet paper. I called the on call doctor (it's 9pm here) and she wasn't too worried. I'm going to go in in the morning just for a quick check up. 

I thought I could be more rational about this, but I was just shaking/tearing up in DH's arms. God bless him, I have no idea what I would do without him! He's my rock!


----------



## rayraykay

Happy birthday to Starry's son!! 

I am so sorry topanga and red. Spotting at any stage is just plain cruel. I am thinking of you both.

Susie you haven't left my mind all day. xoxoxo


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Topanga, so sorry about the spotting. Glad your doctor doesn't seem overly concerned but is seeing you anyways. Hold tight. Help is coming soon.

Red - thinking of you. Hope you are OK

Susie - you're in my thoughts too

OK....I need to update my ticker. My son's birthday was 2 months ago. LOL But thanks everyone. I can't believe it's been two years already.


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga, I literally feel your pain. It never gets any easier no matter how many times we deal with the scares. I really hope that both of our episodes are nothing and babies are fine.

Susie, I'm still thinking of you. :hugs:


----------



## SusieC

Morning ladies
How are you Red & Topanga? What a nightmare few days for us. I hope the spotting has stopped for you both. 
AFM - feeling pretty grotty this am from all the crying. Still in bed so guess I'm not going to work then! Still feel pregnant - painful breasts and even feel queasy this am - think it might be the progesterone tho. 
Just playing the waiting game like we all are - I just hope for the strength to get thro it whatever lies ahead xx


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone 

Red and Topanga I'm sorry to read about your very scary experiences !!! Happened to me at 6 weeks and I swear my heart stopped for a week !!! Why did no one ever tell us this journey is so hard !!! Fingers crossed for both of you that it was just one of those things and your LO are cosy snuggled inside oblivious to their mammys worry :) 
I really don't think I'll ever just be able to go to the loo again without taking a quick breath in , saying a silent prayer before looking at the tissue paper ! Please keep us poststed girls .

Susie I'm so so sorry to hear about the news you received , I would love to be able to give you a hug but can only send you a cyber one :hugs: your dead right not going to work , take as long as you need right now you need to mind yourself . Living with uncertantity is so hard , it's cruel . I'm hoping and praying that there is good news when you go back . Thinking of you xxxxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

I'm doing ok. I am in Vegas for a conference and it's a good distraction. I won't be able to get in to a doc until I get back. By then I hope my symptoms have returned in force and no more spotting has occured. I feel icky this morning so I'm hoping that's a good sign.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red that's good to hear , hopefully it will stay away for good now :) . I've never been to Vegas but would love to go ! Are ya getting to do some fun stuff or is it all work ?


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks ladies. :hugs: I really have no idea how I would make it without all of you!! The support here is incredible.

Red- so glad things are looking up this morning! I agree with Left... hopefully it will all stay away, except the symptoms! I know those are comforting!!

Afm, no more spotting since last night. So, all told, it was a tiny, tiny amount of brown discharge. I still have an apt in a few hours just to be double checked. If it were my health, I wouldn't make the apt, but nothing is worth gambling when it comes to the baby!!! Feeling much more optimistic this morning, but will still be glad to be looked over.


----------



## Left wonderin

Phew that is good news Topnaga , by any chance did you DTD a few days ago ? That was my last heat stopping moment two weeks ago when I had what's best described as a lump of gluey stuff come out that was a weird mix of white , brown , pink colour . Tbh it was hard to say what colour it was !!! Any way it was 2 days after we DTD so I swear never again till this LO is safely in my arms and we are frying for a brother or sister :haha: it really doesn't do our hearts any good !!!! I'm sure the appointment will go great , keep us posted xxxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

topanga, this is soo good to hear! and red - i have a feeling in my gut that all is just fine with our baby.

it is so sad, brown discharge and bleeding are really common in pregnancy as the whole area is super loaded with blood (i mean, even the GUMS get to bleed easier with pregnancy alone on their own!!), but once you've experienced a loss, it's almost impossible not to panic and worry your ass off about every little even slightly stained discharge. 
it's like the most normal common thing turns out into the cruelest joke ever.

i send a massive hug to all of you brave ladies! and susieC you're in my thoughts!


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks ladies! And no, Left, we haven't DTD for over a week (we're staying at my mother in law's so opportunities are a little harder to come by!), but that's the first question my doctor asked too! :haha:

Anyway, the apt went really well. We heard the HB on the Doppler and the doctor said he could hear the baby moving too. He offered me an ultrasound if that would make me feel better, but I turned it down since our gender scan is on Monday (kinda regretting that now lol). He said everything in my abdomen feels normal too, so he thinks its just "one of those things." He said to avoid DTD until I've gone at least a few days without spotting and to call if it happens again.

Red- any updates on you? Symptoms? Any more spotting?


----------



## SusieC

Good news Topanga- glad ur apt went well. 
Red- glad ur symptoms r back x


----------



## Left wonderin

Just call me DR Left lol......... Delighted all went well , even more excitingly Monday and gender scan :) wahoooo mine is not till the 30th of the month so 19 sleeps left till I see LO again . Not that I'm counting or anything !!!!! Mmm wonder will ya be team blue or pink ?? 

Red hope all well with you and spotting has stopped . Susie thinking of you xxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Susie love, I can't get you out of my mind. The similarity of your situation to my last pregnancy is so similar. I went in for my 6 week 3 day scan and all they could find was a tiny 6mm sac that had no evidence of fetal pole, yolk sac, nothin. My heart goes out to you and I am hoping for a miracle and if that doens't work out, the strength to get through this yet again. Be strong!

Afm... no spotting since that one time. I went and laid by the pool for several hours and it was nice. Today I woke up feeling icky again and was relieved when I threw up (first time) unexpectedly. I've also had a headache all day and just felt exhausted. All of this makes me much more secure.


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga those are great news!!! so so happy for you!! you're definitely finding out the gender on monday then? awww so so curious to know!

and Red - it sounds so silly to say, but - i'm so glad you're feeling sick and that you puked :D (doh) what a pregnancy can do to you is totally insane!


----------



## rayraykay

Great news topanga!!!! Can't wait to hear if you're having a boy or girl!!! Yeehaw! Any feelings or predictions one way or the other?

Red- so glad you got to relax by the pool. That sounds amazing right about now. And as odd as this feels to say, yay! You puked! Hahaha but I was super relieved when I puked for the first time at 11 weeks so I totally understand. It was so reassuring. 

Left- what do you think you're having?!! Boy or girl? What does DH think?

Susie you're constantly in my thoughts. :hugs:


----------



## SusieC

Thanks guys for your thoughts. Off for more bloods today. Trying to stay strong. I'm still having lots of pregnancy symptoms but think its the progesterone, I also had lots of symptoms with my MMC. 
Red- glad ur feeling sick - lol!! The only time it's ok to say you're glad someone is sick!! R&R by the pool sounds like heaven 
Left & Topanga - v exciting for gender scans :)


----------



## Left wonderin

What are the bloods for today Susie ? Goodluck . 
Red that all sounds so good :) the puking and the lying by the pool lol........ 
AFM had one hell of a dry heaving episode this am !! Thought it would never end !!!!


----------



## skyesmom

keeping my fingers crossed for your bloods today Susie! <3


----------



## Topanga053

Ray- No, I don't have a feeling one way or the other, but DH had a vivid dream that I gave birth to a girl, so he's convinced it's a girl!

Susie- good luck today with your bloods. :hugs: Is today your follow up scan as well or am I getting my dates confused??


----------



## SusieC

Thanks girls. My HCG levels are rather low -133 on Monday and roughly stayed the same today. I know its not so much the mumbers that matter but what they do - obv they should be rising. They are going to scan me again on Monday. Still no bleeding, cramping or back ache.


----------



## Topanga053

Ahh Susie, so sorry it wasn't better news. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that things are just happening slowly! This waiting game is so unfair. :nope:


----------



## anchor08

I am so sorry everyone seems to be having such a rough time! I'm really hoping for good news from all of you very soon. It really is cruel to go through spotting after experiencing losses. And Susie, I am so heartbroken for what you're going through right now, hoping for a miracle. I hope you're getting lots of love and support in real life too!


----------



## RedWylder

Susie, how are you doing? 

Topanga- no more spotting?

Me- no more spotting and nausea is back in force. I threw up for the first time yesterday and today I just feel like poo. So basically I'm thrilled. I'm going to go enjoy my last few days in Vegas by the pool.


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor I can't believe you're so near the end. It feels like yesterday you were letting us know you got your BFP and it's even more heartwarming to note that you were the first of us to "move on". :) I'm so glad your rainbow will be here soon. I can't remember, are you having a girl or boy? Have you figured out the name thing yet? And you should really consider posting a photo of that bump.


----------



## Topanga053

No, absolutely no more spotting. I got my Doppler in the mail today. I'm still getting used to operating it myself (and it's a cheap one), but I'm 99% sure I heard the HB and some movement. 

Red- so glad the spotting stopped for you too and the sickness is back!! When's your next apt??


----------



## Starry Night

Red - hooray for feeling sick! :haha: Hopefully, the spotting was just one of those things and it will be a case of what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and you'll get no more scares.

Susie - thinking of you. :hugs:

Topanga - have fun figuring out the doppler. I hope it can keep you sane until your rainbow arrives.


----------



## SusieC

Thanks ladies for your kind thoughts. Things aren't looking hopeful, I've started bleeding and mild cramping now. Looks like I'll be joining the recurrent miscarriage club- a club no-one wants to be a member of! 
Glad you other ladies are doing well. Keep puking Red!!! Lovely to hear a heart beat at home Topanga! Anchor - glad ur cooking nicely! 
Am hoping to be back here in the next few months with happy news. 
Healthy & happy pregnancies to all xx


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Susie. :hugs: that is so unfair. I hope you'll be back here soon with good news too, but don't feel like you need to go anywhere.. you're always welcome here!! We're all here for you, however you need us. 

I wish you all the love and comfort in the world as you heal from this. It's a journey that none of us should have to be on. Hopefully your rainbow is just around the corner!! :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - I recently joined the recurrent m/c club and the ladies there are so kind and smart and really helpful. I've lived in dread of that club since my first m/c but if I have to go through recurrent losses I am glad there is a place for me--that forum is a great place for support. I am so sorry that you are going through this again. :(


----------



## RedWylder

Susie I'm so sorry but I know you must have a mixture of feelings at the moment. Devastated yet glad that you know the outcome and you can start moving forward again. This group actually started in the TTC after Loss forum and we have a wonderful support there that you might be interested in. All of us same ladies post in both but we try to keep our preggo comments out of the TTC one so that feelings aren't hurt. Here is the link:

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/t...lace-women-getting-into-ttc-groove-again.html

:hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Susie firstly :hugs: , life sometimes is so unfair :nope: . I'm sure you are asking why me :shrug: . I hope you have lots of support around you and some real life people who understand how hard this is for you right now . I hope you ar being well minded by those around you . Take care and give yourself as much time as you need to grieve . We are all here to support you xxxxxxx


----------



## SusieC

Thank you ladies you are all so kind :hugs:
Starry - I will see you there. When you start the TTC journey never in a million years do you think that's where you're headed. I see you've had 4 losses - so sorry for you. What has helped you to cope?
I'm lucky to have a caring OH, family and friends. In RL I only have 1 friend who belongs to the recurrent MC club and after 5 losses she is about to have her first :) So I wouldn't dream of burdening her at this happy time for her. I have 2 other close friends who both had 1 loss before having babies, I will be able to talk to them as they have been kind before xx


----------



## skyesmom

Susie C i am so sorry for your loss and for such hard news. i am sending you my love and i hope you get your rainbow soon... give a big loving hug to yourself, and take your time to heal.. it sounds like you got a good back up system of friends and family in real life and that is so so important.
if i were you, i'd contact your friend that is now having her rainbow after 5 losses. i am sure she has felt as alone as you feel now, and wanted to reach out for someone but she couldn't. 
when a friend of mine suffered a loss and reached out for me (i didn't know she was pregnant even though i had a feeling she may be), and i helped her through, it was healing also for me. in my circle of friends, i was the only one to suffer losses until a year ago when it happened to my friend, and it was a huge relief having someone to talk to and also being able to help. it was as if taking away her loneliness healed my own too.

and even though she is now having her rainbow, the truth is you never forget your angels and it is always beautiful when you have someone you can share your feelings with and who can understand you. so i think instead of burdening her, it could also be helpful to her.

:hugs: hugs to you and to your OH and to all your beautiful angels <3 <3 <3


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - it can be tough to cope. I have a friend who has had multiple losses and most of them came after her last child was born so she had to give up the dream of adding to her family. She's older than me (her youngest is in highschool) but she can still relate and she's been the one person who has truly understood and had the patience to listen to my ramblings. Having a loving, caring DH has helped too. Also, dh and I recently went on a mini-vacation just to "get away". It really, really helped remove some of the anxiety and reignite the passion between us.

If you want to talk more or hear more about my story please join us in the TTC thread Red linked. This is a pregnant thread and I am trying to keep my contributions positive.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> If you want to talk more or hear more about my story please join us in the TTC thread Red linked. This is a pregnant thread and I am trying to keep my contributions positive.

Aww don't worry about that, Starry. We've all been there too (some of us multiple times). I can't speak for the others, but it doesn't bother me in the least to hear about others' losses in more detail on this thread. I'm sure it would be different in a "regular" pregnancy thread, but I don't think it's disturbing in a PAL thread because we've all been there. No innocence to destroy here! :haha:


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga I agree totally , we lost our virginity in this area :haha: So Starry and anyone else here please feel free to share the ups and downs of the journey your on right now , we have all been thee not so long ago , no need for brave faces here :)


----------



## SusieC

I have to say I am feeling a bit emotional at your kindness and caring. I am touched to receive so much thought from people I have never met. You are all truly beautiful people, who's rainbows will be blessed with so much joy & love xx


----------



## Starry Night

Left - you're too funny! "virginity" indeed. LOL

I plan on testing on Wednesday and am feeling quite nervous! It's still quite the wait so I have to distract myself until then.


----------



## Topanga053

Left- HAHAHA I agree with Starry, virginity indeed! I laughed so hard at your comment.

Susie- aww honestly, that brought a tear to my eye. That was so sweet of you to say. Your rainbow will be just as lucky when she arrives. 

Starry- everything about this process involves waiting!! It's so frustrating!! FX'd you can distract yourself until Wednesday!!


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga053 said:


> Left- HAHAHA I agree with Starry, virginity indeed! I laughed so hard at your comment.
> 
> Susie- aww honestly, that brought a tear to my eye. That was so sweet of you to say. Your rainbow will be just as lucky when she arrives.
> 
> Starry- everything about this process involves waiting!! It's so frustrating!! FX'd you can distract yourself until Wednesday!!

I'm totally with Topanga on all three of these! actually it's hard to add something more to it except that Red you made me laugh my butt off haha :) :) yes we're no virgins here!

and Susie yes, your rainbow will have an amazing mom and dad too, just like your angels already do <3 <3 <3


ohhh and Starry let's see, you could try with knitting, cleaning your hard drive from old useless files (dangerous business though because it's like going through old boxes), writing a weird journal of all the possible let'smakethetimepassbyrealquick remedies you could think of, buy a box of colorful cake decoration flakes and then separate them by shape and color using only a toothpick (something you could do with your LO), hide all your OH's underwear and then design a treasure hunt around the house for him when he comes back from work.. and so on and so on.... 

(ok i haven't slept in a looong while and have been working a bit too much so i got a bunch of crazy ideas coming into my head)

:hugs: to you all ladies!


----------



## Topanga053

HAHAHAHA ohhhh Skyesmom, now I kinda want to ask DH to separate a box of cake decoration flakes with me by color and shape, just to see the look on his face. I'm sure it would be priceless! :haha:


----------



## Starry Night

I think my DH would have me committed if he caught me doing that! I don't have the patience for tedious tasks so he'd wonder what I was up to!! ha ha! And DS would either just eat the flakes (highly likely) or fling them all over the floor (most definitely HIGHLY likely). And of course, the cat would have to get involved too. She can't keep her nose out of anything. hee hee

Ladies, I'm starting to feel nauseated and I couldn't be more excited even with my barfing phobia. Yesterday, I gagged a few times and this morning I woke up and felt awful. No fever or other signs of illness. I'm crossing my fingers so tight they could snap!


----------



## RedWylder

I found baby's heartbeat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was only for a second but it was undeniably the baby's and not my own. Gosh I'm so happy right now. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Red that is great news :) and I'm sure a sweet sound :) 
i won't get a Doppler as I know I would become obsessed !!!! Can't wait till I'm feeling regular kicks for reassurance. 

Tonight I am so tired , but good tired, went for a hike today for 3 hours in the country side , only I would start hiking at almost 5 months pregnant !!! Lol .....was amazing views though , well worth it and the dogs are wreaked !! Sitting here now feeling "pops" in my belly trying to figure out if its wind or baby having a wiggle !!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Left...it's definitely baby! (because wind isn't very exciting). I don't know if I'd purchase a doppler but since I have one at work, I don't see any harm in it. Plus it just made my day. This baby might actually be my rainbow!!


----------



## anchor08

You ladies are all so funny! I know it's all ups and downs, but I'm amazed by how positive you all can be sometimes in the worst circumstances. Susie, I am SO sorry again about this loss...please stay with us if you want and let us know how it's going, we are all with you. 

Red, I'm a few pages late in responding but thank you so much for your encouragement! Sometimes I stay quiet because I feel guilty about being so far a long, past most of the scary part -- though I have to say, even now there are a lot of threads on here about counting movements and making sure nothing changes...I guess the worrying is for life! But I'm doing well, and I can't believe I'll be meeting our little girl in a matter of weeks. So unreal. I will definitely post a bump picture -- my bump has taken a long time to show, so it's pretty cute right now!


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor !!! Please don't hide for us !!! We need to hear what's its like further into this journey !!! You should celabrate being 31 weeks and let us all join in the party :) I think there are NO parts of this journey that aren't scary ! And it even get worse when baby arrives !!! Lol.


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> I found baby's heartbeat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was only for a second but it was undeniably the baby's and not my own. Gosh I'm so happy right now. :)

Yay Red!!!!

DH and I just used the Doppler. DH thinks it was just my HB, but I'm convinced we found baby... my HB isn't that fast!!!


----------



## SusieC

Red - that is fab news!
Skye's mom- you're so sweet :) 
Anchor- don't feel guilty , you're our poster girl! 
Starry - fingers x for you ++++++
Xxx

BTW- AFM- I'm doing ok, it's sad, crap and up and down but I know we'll get through this and have our rainbow. Plus I bought a sewing machine and have started some projects! (I'm so old before my time,lol!)


----------



## Carybear

Yeah Red!!! That's so exciting...


----------



## rayraykay

Red! Yahoo!! So cool about finding the baby's heart beat. A doppler pays for itself over and over. I don't know what I would have done without mine in the first 20 weeks or so. Congratulations. I am so extremely happy for you.

I am with anchor and want to reiterate what she said- I am in awe of all of you. Your positivity and perseverance thru things that no woman should have to go thru.. then having to deal with it multiple times and still staying positive.. I just am in awe. That's all I can really say. I am also with her in the sense that sometimes I feel like I should be quiet, because I do feel guilty sometimes that I am so far along and yet sometimes I still get sick with worry. So I apologize if I just stalk sometimes. 

I hope everyone has a nice weekend.


----------



## RedWylder

Nope, we all want to hear every detail so we know what to expect as we go through this. :)


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you Red, I will try and remember that. 

I am so glad you got a doppler. Don't feel like you can't use it all the time. I once asked a question in the first trimester thread about using the doppler and a woman answered me "I hope you aren't using that all the time. It's harmful to your baby." Well, of course, since I was using it 4 times a day (haha) I FLIPPED out. I called my doctor in a panic (we are talking tears) and she said "no no no. That isn't true in the least. A doppler only uses sound waves to pick up the heart beat and nothing else. It's not an x-ray machine. That woman had no ground to say that." I was furious.. she had no idea what she sent me into. Then, I looked into her history on BnB and she had never had a loss before. I know she was trying to be helpful but... yeah. Anyway, the moral of this story is please don't go searching on the internet to see if using it too much is bad for your baby. Of course there are sources that will say using it too often is bad. Sure, don't sit there with it for 15 minutes on your belly but using it 6 times a day to find the heart and turn it off.... NO PROBLEM. Knock yourself out with the intoxicating feeling that comes with hearing your baby's heart. 

Sorry, haha that was a long story.


----------



## RedWylder

Ok so now I can't find it. It was hard to find the first time and now it's not there anymore. I feel like I killed my baby with all the mashing around with that thing. Why do I feel more paranoid than ever?? I just want out of 1st trimester.


----------



## rayraykay

Don't be discouraged if you can't find it. That early if you aren't pretty much directly over the heart you aren't gonna hear it. You can not kill your baby with a Doppler I promise. I went through thinking that too. But you can't. Many people can't find their baby's heart with an at home Doppler until 10 weeks at least. It's gonna be hard to find this early that's one of the huge cons to dopplers. Try to find it again today and let me know how it goes.


----------



## RedWylder

After many failed attempts and my uterus feeling sore from all the prodding, I finally found it again this morning and m hubby was able to hear it too. After that, I'm putting it away for a while although I do wish I could hear it constantly. It's so reassuring.


----------



## Carybear

How cool is that Red! 

Ladies I love to hear how things are going... It gives me hope!


----------



## rayraykay

Ahhh good Red. Very good. Honestly, it's amazing you were able to find it. Use it as much as you want, but, as you are finding out there's a reason people don't get them as well. But man, ohhhh man is it reassuring. 

I am so glad it gives you hope Cary. You deserve your rainbow so much and soon enough it will be you. I know it.


----------



## Starry Night

ray - don't feel guilty. My son's pregnancy was the one after my first loss and I was TERRIFIED every single moment of every single day for about 6 months. I did have some complications but even after things calmed down in the second tri I couldn't shake the fear. It's normal. It just takes one loss to steal all the innocence out of pregnancy.

re: the doppler being "bad". I love this site with all the support that comes but it also attracts the people who believe every homemade blog and "article". I had known there were differing opinions on parenting, but I had no clue how passionate people were on things until I came to this site. lol The pregnancy forums can be bad because everyone is so crazy hormonal. It's really quite funny now that I can look back on it. The Baby forums can be just as bad because everyone is sleep-deprived. I remember getting so upset when a lady had posted that fetal monitoring during labour is dangerous and should be made illegal. I was so upset because fetal monitoring is what revealed my son's oxygen was being compromised and the need to have an emergency c-section to save his life. Now that I'm not hormonal or sleep-deprived I wouldn't be upset by a comment like that. 

Red - that is so great that you could find the heart beat. :) :) But the trickiness in finding the heartbeat is one major reason I couldn't bring myself to invest in one. I would drive myself (and thus my dh) crazy! I mean, even the professionals can have a hard time with that!


----------



## rayraykay

Starry you are so right! About the forums and blogs. Everyone is coming from their own story, their own journey to get pregnant, with their own hormones at play... it can get sticky. I never thought of that, thank you for pointing it out. And thank you for understanding that I still get worried. I've been feeling some cramps today- of course I am freaking out. It started and I hadn't felt her move for a little bit and I really started freaking out since I helped (minimally) my husband paint the nursery today. I have since felt some movement, but gosh. Being pregnant after any loss is such a roller coaster. 

I wonder what it feels like to have a pregnancy go totally right the first time? Must be bliss. What about those women who never have to feel the pain of a loss? I can't help but be so jealous. My cousin and sister in law are both pregnant, due 8 and 5 weeks before me. Both first time pregnancies, both accidents. They don't understand why I won't touch bleu cheese. Or why I wouldn't drink ANY caffeine in the first trimester and only allow myself 1/2 decaf drinks occasionally now. They will never understand. My favorite is when they tell me "now they know how I must have felt going through a miscarriage" because they are pregnant and have that connection to a baby inside them.

No, sorry, you will never know and I wouldn't wish it on ANYONE.

Wow, that turned into a rant. I have a lot of feelings lately ;)

xoxo love to everyone


----------



## Topanga053

I've wondered that too, Ray. Like you said, it must be bliss. Ive sometimes thought of PAL analogously to driving and my friend who was paralyzed in a car accident. I might get a little nervous driving in bad weather and think, "what if", but I don't TRULY believe it will happen to me. But my friend (at least used to) becomes legitimately scared driving in bad weather because he KNOWS what can happen because it has happened to him. Once you have a bad experience with something, your sense of security is taken away from you and you realize all of the bad things that actually could happen and that you're not immune from them happening to you. It becomes real, rather than hypothetical.

And you're right-- there is no way anyone can know what it's like without experiencing it.


----------



## anchor08

Ugh, I can't imagine someone saying that Rayray! Although at least they get now that it wasn't just a pregnancy you lost, it was a child you knew. I feel like that misunderstanding is the basis of most of the insensitive comments I hear.

I really hope it's okay to complain about pregnancy on here, though I really try to be very positive about it...I've been in a lot of pain the last week and a half or so and it's driving me crazy. Not even worry, just frustration. I've felt really good for most of the time so far, and that has allowed me to keep exercising, which is a cycle of positive reinforcement. Now all of a sudden my hips and back hurt if I walk for, I don't know, more than 15 minutes at a time? It's maddening, since I still sometimes have the energy to do much more. I feel weak and out of control and like my body hates me. Exercise really grounded me emotionally too. Help!

The positive side of this -- I'm spending more time lying on the couch, so I get to feel my little girl moving more. :)


----------



## Starry Night

If you can't complain about pregnancy in a pregnancy thread, then where can you? I believe the TTC'ers joining in the conversation know the risk. 

Well, it looks like I get to officially join the graduates thread. I got my bfp this morning!! I'm only 10dpo and the line is fairly dark...almost as dark as the control line. I got an early bfp with my son too so I am hoping that is a good sign.


----------



## Topanga053

OMG Starry!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

I think I'm as happy now as I was when I got my own BFP!!!! Oh hunny, you deserve this so, so much!!! I'm already praying for you and this little bean so, so hard!!

Are you planning on any early betas or scans?? Can't wait to hear about everything!!


----------



## Starry Night

I'm not sure what my doctor is willing to do. I'm going to beg, beg, beg for an early scan. And I tend to bleed in my pregnancies so odds are I'm going to need an emergency scan at some point (I had at least 5 of those for my son). I'm supposed to be seeing a new doctor on Thursday but it's just a "meet and greet" and I don't want to switch doctors now that I'm pregnant. I'll probably cancel and stick with the one I have.


----------



## Left wonderin

Any pics of the test STarry :) I am so happy for you :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Ooh so excited forgot to say, hi to everyone else :) 

Ray I totally agree with all you have said ! The fear is really tangible and does not go away ! I'm sick of my sisters telling me to stop worrying and enjoy my pregnancy , easy for them lol .... Little do they know that every time I go to the loo and wipe I say a prayer and then thank the man upstairs when all is ok and no bleeding ! That up to 7 times a day ! Don't think this stopping any time soon !! Every day is a blessing :)


----------



## RedWylder

Only 7 times in a day? Geez right now it feels like 7 times an hour. Sometimes I pee,put my drawers back on and by the time my belt is buckled, i have to pee again.


----------



## Starry Night

I'm already panty-checking. I guess now that I got my bfp my body has decided to ramp up the symptoms and now I'm getting all the fun discharge that fills any rainbow pregnancy with anxiety. My IBS is also flaring up so am getting all those cramps and yucky feelings.

I made an appointment with my regular doctor's office. I just feel too stressed about switching doctors now that I'm already pregnant. I want an office that knows my history. My actual doctor is on a two-month's study leave so I'l be seeing the other doctor in the clinic.
 



Attached Files:







test.jpg
File size: 78.4 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol ok well maybe 70 hehehehehehehehehe


----------



## Topanga053

We're Team Pink!! It's a girl!!!


----------



## Carybear

Yeah Starry!!! That's awesome... Praying for a sticky bean... A little princess for ya


----------



## Carybear

Wow Topanga!! Congratulations on a little princess!


----------



## Starry Night

Congrats, Topanga!!! Aw, a darling rainbow princess. When is your due date? I know I could do the math but I'm claiming pregnancy brain. lol


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga! Did you JUST find out? Did you have an appointment today? I can't seem to keep track of everyone's appointments. If so, I expect U/S photos of the little miss. Yay!!! Team pink!


----------



## RedWylder

anchor08 said:


> I really hope it's okay to complain about pregnancy on here, though I really try to be very positive about it...I've been in a lot of pain the last week and a half or so and it's driving me crazy. Not even worry, just frustration. I've felt really good for most of the time so far, and that has allowed me to keep exercising, which is a cycle of positive reinforcement. Now all of a sudden my hips and back hurt if I walk for, I don't know, more than 15 minutes at a time? It's maddening, since I still sometimes have the energy to do much more. I feel weak and out of control and like my body hates me. Exercise really grounded me emotionally too. Help!
> 
> The positive side of this -- I'm spending more time lying on the couch, so I get to feel my little girl moving more. :)

Anchor- never responded to this before but you are more than welcome complain or say anything pregnancy related here. That's why I made this branch off thread to begin with because sometimes you just need a place to put your preggo rants without hurting your friends.


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks everyone! Yes, we just found out this afternoon. I'll try to figure out how to upload a pic here tomorrow.

Starry- I'm due 2/11/14.


----------



## skyesmom

aaaaaaaa STARRY!!!!!! THESE ARE BREATHTAKING NEWS!!!! 
so so SO happy for you!!! BFP!!!!

congratulations my dear!! oh love! i hope you get your early scans and that this rainbow of yours sticks and spares you the bleeds and scares so you have the easiest possible journey!!! and that you get your early scans and updates and all!

who ever knows your medical history MUST give you a scan, just for the sakes of your psychological well being!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: yayyyy!!! you made my day!


EDIT: I wrote this immediately after reading Starry's post so i didn't see the rest of the thread and i gotta add:
CONGRATULATIONS ON TEAM PINK TOPANGA!! a real rainbow princess!!! so so happy for your news and that everything is going fine!!!

oh girls you made my day!


----------



## rayraykay

Congrats on team pink Topanga! We are on the same team :hugs: That scan is so so so exciting. I wanna see pics!

Starrrryyy!!! YAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! I got an early BFP with this pregnancy too so I think it definitely is a good thing! I am so happy for you! I really hope your provider understands and respects the need for an early scan. Man I am so happy for you. 

ahhh what a good day!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - aw, it could work out that you would have a Valentines baby! And February is an awesome time for babies. Both DH and I have our birthdays in that month. I always loved being a February baby. I got to be one of the oldest kids in my class (in grade school that holds some clout) and I loved all the red and pink and hearts in the stores. I also got leftover Valentines goodies for my birthday.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga wahoooo team pink :) did ya guess right ? I so can't wait for my scan now only 12 more sleeps :) wonder will I have a prince or princess to be a bnb cousin for your LO ;) please do post the scan photo would love to see :) Starry how did you sleep ? I bet your still pinching yourself :)


----------



## rayraykay

Ahh 12 more sleeps left! Time will fly even if at times it seems to creep by. 

Hmmmm. What do you think you are having? My initial intuition says boy. But then topanga, anchor and myself are having girls.. So maybe this is a girly dust thread? Or will your little man be the prince to our princesses?!? How exciting.


----------



## Topanga053

Left- nope, I was totally wrong! I was sure it was a boy! DH thought it was a girl from early on though because he had a really vivid dream that he was holding a baby girl in a hospital room. 12 days!!! :happydance:

Stupid question-- how can I upload the scan pic in a post??


----------



## Starry Night

Left - I keep getting girl vibes from you. This is one pink thread! But I guess one of us is due to have a boy. We'll find out soon!

According to most of the Chinese gender prediction tests online I am going to have a boy but the one on babycentre says I am having a girl. All my rainbow dreams were of a girl with brown hair and brown eyes so I'm going with that right now.


----------



## rayraykay

That's so funny topanga! Our ultra sound tech at our 20 week said dads are usually right :)

For me, in the early stages, before my reassurance scan at 7 weeks after seeing the baby initially at 5 weeks.. I was of course terrified. I thought for sure we would go in and not see a heartbeat, I was basically preparing myself for it. The miscarriage I had was a "missed miscarriage" so I didn't bleed at all. Or have any signs. I had my suspicions something wasn't right but I thought maybe I was lucky and was having an easy pregnancy. Yeah, not so. So add me to the group of avid underwear checkers. At 27 weeks, I still check every single time. Anyway, I was laying in bed unable to sleep so I placed my hands on my tummy and asked the baby to come to me somehow. Any way. A dream. A sign while I was awake.. Anything. That night I had the most amazing dream of a baby girl I've ever had. She came to me completely. I woke up telling my husband it was for sure a girl. He thought boy. We made a bet and now the first date night after she comes (even if it's not until July, ha ha) is on him :) 

The Chinese thing was wrong for me but I know it can be right sometimes. It's soooo fun to guess.


----------



## Left wonderin

OH thinks boy but I think that's more wishful thinking ! Me I think girl but I think that's just cause OH doesn't lol..... Looks like its 50/50 so !!! 11 more sleeps !


----------



## Carybear

Left... I think boy...

Starry... I think girl


----------



## rayraykay

I'm with Cary :) 100%!


----------



## skyesmom

Starry i also think it's a girl...

...left, i don't know...but i'd go for a boy too :)


----------



## Starry Night

Left - if the ladies are right that you're having a boy then there will have to be some matchmaking going on. I might have to opt out though if I have a girl as our church is overrun by little boys so we need to even out the girls so the boys aren't all fighting over the same girls when they're older. lol


----------



## SusieC

Wow lots of good news on this thread :) (stalking!!).

Massive congrats Starry - I really pray for a sticky bean for you.

Topanga- congrats on team pink - soooo exciting!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - thanks. Hope you are doing OK.:hugs:

Saw the doctor this morning and she's going to book me an early ultrasound. :happydance: She is also referring me to see the OB who did the m/c testing. Here we usually don't see the OB until 30 weeks but the doctor is going to request the OB start seeing me right away for all of my prenatal care. That is such a relief. She also mentioned my hormones were tested and they were fine, so no progesterone issues.


----------



## Topanga053

Yay! I finally figured it out!! Here's a scan picture from Monday! :happydance:

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/1236248_747682461544_1332562171_n_zpsb09bffc7.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

Hello, little baby! What a darling! :)


----------



## skyesmom

awwwwwww topanga! that is the sweetest picture ever <3 <3 <3


----------



## Left wonderin

They look so big on the scans xxxxx and they are only dots !!!


----------



## rayraykay

Starry such good news. I love that they are giving you an early scan!!

Topanga- beautiful photo!! She looks lovely!!!

Hi Susie! :hugs:

AFM- I have my glucose test tomorrow. I don't think ill have gestational diabetes but of course I'm very worried. Blah, it will be nice to have it over with tho.


----------



## RedWylder

Awe! Such a cutie. Left, can't wait for your scan!


----------



## skyesmom

starry it's such a relief that you're getting so much care! finally! being taken seriously by the doctors and taken care of means so so so much. it's like someone finally acknowledged all you've been through!!

i had a really bad treatment at my first gyn, when i fell pregnant and told them i was freaked out because i had one loss before, they treated me if i were crazy. when i came back a month and a half later for a post D&C check up which was done in an emergency unit in a hospital, their faces froze when i walked in. even the receptionist. i'll never forget that scene.
of course i changed the office as they treated me as if it was normal and didn't offer any support even when asked openly. and my new doctor is amazing! 

she told me that whenever i fall pregnant again, just to ring her up and come straight into her office for an early scan and bloods! hearing this alone healed me, literally!


----------



## Starry Night

It is wonderful to have someone who cares. Even with DS and all the scares I had, I kept getting shoulder shrugs with the comment "it would be sad if something happened but there is nothing to be done...". But then I was sent to see a high-risk specialist and he was able to give me detailed information as to what was going on, what my risks were, and what the game plan would be should things start to worsen. That took such a huge load off of me.


----------



## Topanga053

Seriously, hearing women's stories on this board CONSTANTLY reminds me how unbelievable my doctor's office is. From the doctors to the nurses to the techs to the RECEPTIONISTS, they have NEVER treated it like "one more loss" or dismissed my fears. This conversation just really reaffirms for me that I'm going to write the staff a long thank you letter whenever this journey is over for me, thanking them for their constant compassion.


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga it's really awesome that you've found a place that cares so much. I've really only had a few bad experiences with my health care providers but I'm definitely happy with my Midwife. I picked her up with my 2nd pregnancy and she's really done her best to help me through the process of loosing a baby and then getting another. She takes me seriously and will let me make as many appointments with her as I need to be reassured. And right from the get go, she has pretty much trusted me on my cycle tracking and O dates which a lot of providers are not keen on doing. Hooray for good people!


----------



## RedWylder

Oh and off topic but 9 weeks has been by far the worst week for me. I feel like the world is coming down on my head or at least the hormones would like me to think it is. So far this pregnancy I've been fairly emotionally stable but this week I've bawled three nights in a row because something hurt my poor little tender pregnancy heart. LOL! I also feel more exhausted, more nauseous, and just crappy in general. On the other hand, I'm not too concerned for baby since everything seems to be progressing "normally". Yay symptoms.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red DDDDDelighted your feeling emotional and exhausted not to mention sick ;) wow 9 weeks already can't believe it . Where has that time gone ? Although I am sure every day for you feels like a month !


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, Red. I'm sorry you're having such an emotional time. Those pesky hormones can really do a lady's head in. :hugs:

afm - I am going to get SO fat this pregnancy! :haha: My pregnancy has just started and I discovered my craving is PASTA!! And cheese! But mostly pasta. I gobbled up a giant slice of lasagna in the middle of the night and for lunch I made Kraft Dinner and then at supper (forgetting about the KD) I made a low calorie asparagus linguine. Only, it's only low-cal if you don't eat a double portion! And then finish off your son's bowl! :dohh:

At least I'm having an aversion to salt so that makes me avoid the snack/munchy foods and other things high in sodium. Things like frozen pizzas, hot dogs and even sodas (which I had before my bfp) all taste like pure salt. blech!


----------



## rayraykay

Red- I had a total spike in symptoms around 9-10 weeks as well. Yay!! Although I'm sorry because i know at some points it's not super fun even tho it's so reassuring. 

Starry- that's mostly what I've been craving too. Carbs. My doctor hasn't told me I'm gaining too much weight which I am happy about... But honestly I'm just so happy to be pregnant I probably wouldn't care tooooooo much if she did ;) 

Topanga- I also have a great support in my ob office. It really helps. I hate hearing that offices are less than sympathetic when working with mothers who have endured losses before. It makes me so sad/mad.

AFM- had my first glucose screening today at 2:45, failed it. Cut off was 140 & my levels were 164. It was in the afternoon, so I hadn't fasted and they didn't tell me to! I had a frozen veggie enchilada, rice & beans for lunch at 1:30 and drank the drink at 2, had my finger pricked at 3. I feel like I was set up for failure. My doctor even said my baby is measuring perfectly on time, not too big which would be an indicator & that she isn't even "suspicious" that I have gestational diabetes. But, of course I am terrified & I have to waste 4 hours doing the test where they take your blood 4 times. I feel like I'm a failure & I am so scared im gonna fail again. I have a baby shower this weekend where I know there's gonna be treats and I feel like I can't treat myself because I will fail on Tuesday. :( to top it all off, a co worker said to me today "would you be offended if I said I can see you're pregnant in your face now?" I'm already self conscious about my face being rounder and fatter. It just wasn't my day. 

I'm sorry- total rant.


----------



## Starry Night

Wouldn't they take your lack of fasting into account? At least your doctor doesn't think you have GD so hold on to that. I think a few treats this weekend should be OK. I think it would be out of your system after 24 hours. 

And don't let your coworker make you feel badly. Some people just get puffy in pregnancy. One of the most athletic girls I know got very puffy all over in her pregnancy and looked awesome again almost straight away afterwards. The 'puff' has nothing to do with actual weight gain.


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you. I appreciate that.

I know puffiness is totally normal. I just wished she wouldn't point it out. I appreciate the support.


----------



## RedWylder

Rayray I'm sure you look gorgeous! And sometimes the "pregnant in your face" doesn't mean puffiness at all. Sometimes it's just a lively glowy (maybe a bit fuller) look. But honestly this is usually considered beautiful. Even Duchess Kate had that look to her and she was stick thin. Don't fret!

Oh is it YOUR baby shower? If so that's sooo crazy that you're far enough along for that! I demand another bump photo. And dammit I want to see other people's bumps and photos. There isn't enough photo sharing in this thread.

afm: cravings for me have been spicy, juicy, and sour stuff. I can't handle things that are dry and bland like crackers or plain chicken, blech. I did however enjoy a buffalo chicken wrap which was very yummy. I have been sucking on lemons and loving fruit in general. Veggies are meh....not as bad as crackers, not as great as the other stuff.


----------



## Topanga053

Ha! Red, you're way too cute. DH and I are going to do a photo together next week for 20 weeks, so I'll be sure to post that here to keep you happy! :winkwink:


----------



## Starry Night

I'm going to wait on a bump photo until there is a bump and not just c-section pooch. ha ha With DS I had a proper beginner bump by 14 weeks and with later children you're supposed to show earlier so we'll see.


----------



## anchor08

I was really vigilant about my weight gain and it was going really well...it still is, I guess, but having to be so inactive now totally changes things. For my sanity and enjoyment of life I'm easing up -- still trying to eat healthy food for good nutrition, but not limiting the unhealthy food as much. I guess that's emotional eating, but it's not out of control, just more than I was doing before. I think I'm okay.

But wow, I have to say I had such a scare this morning. I usually feel the baby moving when I lie down to go to sleep, when I wake up in the middle of the night, when I roll over in the morning...and she was VERY quiet, a few tiny movements but nothing like normal. I've read so many threads on here about how careful you have to be about noticing reduced movement at this point and I was so afraid! Finally about an hour after I ate breakfast she woke up and moved a lot all the rest of the day.


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor that must be so scary! We always talk about first trimester scares but having almost made it to the end and having so much time to bond with your little one would be the absolut worst time to loose a baby. I'm so glad she woke herself up and is happy and alive. :)


----------



## rayraykay

Anchor I've had a few of those scares too. Sooooo scary. But, I always try to remember she might just be sleeping. Sometimes I gently push her (VERY gently) and most of the time she responds. Hahahah :) 

Red you are so cute! So ill attach a pic at 24 weeks and I'll take another this weekend and post. You are so so sweet. It is my baby shower, I'm having two. This weekend is a joint one with my cousin from my husbands side, we are both having girls a month apart so we bought out husbands side of the family will only have to attend one shower if we do it together. My mom & mom in law are throwing me another on the 12th. I am very grateful.

Everyone have a fabulous weekend!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 39.9 KB
Views: 5


----------



## RedWylder

Shut up Rayray. You look adorable. Seriously a perfect preggo. If all of us could look half as good as you, then we'd be blessed. So go tell those hormones that make you feel icky to leave you alone and let you be pregnant in peace!


----------



## rayraykay

haha thank you Red. I appreciate it. A whole lot. I have good days and bad days... it's amazing watching your body change but it's like nothing I've ever experienced before (...duh) I will take some more this weekend or soon. I don't think I've gotten tooooo much bigger since that pic, but I know it's coming.

I hope everyone had a fabulous Friday! Any fun plans this weekend?


----------



## Starry Night

ray - I echo red. You are adorable and have the perfect bump. My first thought was "what was her coworker talking about???" You don't look pregnant in the face other than that beaming smile.

I'm a little ashamed to be sharing bump photos. I'm a point over my health bmi and defintely have tummy tub and flabby arms. I also need a haircut but now I'm going to wait until I'm out of first tri. I would be too afraid that I'd start to m/c while out in public.

Anyways, got a call from the doctor's office today and the doctor wants me to come in on Wednesday for some tests. I'm not sure what kind. The usual pregnancy tests are usually done closer to the end of first tri. I'm wondering if my hormone levels are going to be checked. Either way, I finally feel like the doctor's office is taking my history seriously. I also hope to hear from the OB's office soon and about my scan. We get referal appointments in the mail and I live in the middle of no where so that sometimes takes awhile.


----------



## Topanga053

Ray, adorable!! I can't imagine having that bump in just over a month! I'm showing, but barely. People who don't know me would definitely not think I'm pregnant... even my co-workers who CAN tell are shocked when I tell them that I'm almost 20 weeks! I'm skinny, but have a retroverted uterus, so I'm wondering if that's part of it!


----------



## Topanga053

PS- when I had that spotting scare I saw a different doctor and nurse than my normal ones. The first thing the nurse does when she gets me from the waiting room is look at my belly and say, "you don't LOOK pregnant." I don't know if she meant that as a compliment, but who says that to a patient who's there because they're worried about losing the pregnancy??


----------



## skyesmom

jesus topanga that is awful to hear when you come in for a scare like that!

other than that: rayray you look absolutely amazing! i wish i had a bump like that too! and you're so beautiful!

and topanga post a pic! and you too starry! i hope those hormone tests come back perfect!

wish u a lovely weekend ladies!


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you for all the support. I really appreciate it. Very very much.

Starry I know you'll look amazing whenever you post a photo. That being said, do it when you're comfortable :hugs: I can't wait!

I wanna see one soon from everyone else!!

Topanga.. I'm not sure why someone would say "you don't look pregnant" to you other than they are thinking it's a compliment. But it's not to someone who wants a bump. I bet you'll get one in the next few weeks.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga I feel your pain ! 20 weeks on Tuesday and no bump here !! Can't imagine looking as good as ray in only 4 weeks time unless it is going to happen over night !!!!!! Mmm wonder where baby is hiding !!!


----------



## rayraykay

hahaha you guys are so kind. My bump showed up around 19ish weeks... I am only 5'2" soooo there's not a whole lot of place for baby to go. Soon enough you ladies will have gorgeous bumps! I promise! Mine didn't show up over night like others describe. Mine was gradual. Either way, your bumps are coming!! I promise!!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Everyone is so far along! I want to be at week 20. It seems forever away. :(


----------



## Starry Night

I'm with ya, Red. I'm only 4 weeks and I feel like this is taking forever!! Of course, early bfps will do that to you. I'm trying to find non-pregnancy things to look forward to. I Skype with my family every weekend and my parents are coming for Canadian Thanksgiving which is 3 weeks away. I need to distract myself.


----------



## RedWylder

I just got my Hypnobabies home study course in the mail! I'm excited to try it out. I've heard really good things about using hypnosis for childbirth and I can't wait to start. I'll let you know how it goes. :)


----------



## Topanga053

Aww Red, I remember feeling that way. Second tri, let alone 20 weeks, seemed soooo far away. I honestly can't believe I'm here now. In hindsight, the time FLEW by. I really have no idea how I got here already. You'll be at 20 weeks before you know it!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red and Starry I agree !!! Even thought did cheat a bit and skipped a week ( lol ) the weeks between 12 and 20 or (19)has flown !!!!! Bet you will oth be there in no time at all xxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

With DS time just draaaaaged until I reached viability. Around 18 weeks I had started to go into labour and was so, so scared. But after 24 hours of contractions they just stopped on their own and everything was fine. In fact, it was while I was at the ER for that occasion that I started to feel him kick consistently. so when they couldnt' find the heart beat with the doppler and told me to "prepare myself" I wasn't worried because I felt him kicking the doppler the whole time. I'm surprised they didn't feel it too.

After viabiltiy the time started to go much faster. Then it slowed right back again at 35 weeks. ha ha


----------



## rayraykay

I feel deeply for you all. The beginning is so hard. You wanna be excited, but it's hard to be excited. Time seems to pass so freakin slow in the first trimester. Viability was also my marker that I couldn't wait to reach. Time is still kinda passing slow on some days, because I just want a healthy happy baby in my arms. I still fear the worst.

I had an awful dream last night that I miscarried. I remember thinking in my dream "but.. I can't go through this all again..." So, it gives me a reminder of what you ladies early in the game are going through. I've mentioned this before, but women who have suffered miscarriages have to deal with something that is so unfair. That is, pregnancy not being innocent and just this beautiful thing that just "happens the way it should." It's still beautiful, of course, but it's also extremely hard. She hasn't been super active today, so of course, I am freaking out. I've only felt little movements here and there. Naturally, I am flipping my taco. 

Anyway, hang in there ladies. We will all get our rainbows. :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

ray - yeah, it can be hard anytime during the pregnancy to stay calm. You never want your mind to 'go there' but it's so easy to expect the worst. 

In another thread I saw someone bring up the point that girls with longer cycles have m/c risk 130% higher than those with regular 28 day cycles. I knew this stat from before but to see it in writing again and to see the phrase "old eggs" just made me feel badly like my baby doesn't stand a chance. :nope: Maybe it's irresponsible of me to keep getting pregnant with my dusty, old eggs that are doomed to die. But then I remember I conceived my son on a 70 day cycle. I have to hope I have a chance. And I've been taking my fish oil for at least 3 months and that is supposed to help with egg equality. I have to cross my fingers and hope that a healthy egg made it out.


----------



## skyesmom

oh Starry that's the old wives tale. the egg lives up to a day after ovulation and then it can't be fertilized anymore. it's not that it takes you weeks to ovulate instead of days. it's just that the ovulation doesn't even start after your period is gone, it starts a couple of days or weeks later. i mean, if it was so, virtually ALL of the girls who were on oral contraception would be full of years-long supply of superold eggs and would only keep miscarrying. but it's not the case :)

i have a 22-23 day cycle and i miscarried twice anyways. whoever says those things has never been through a loss and has no ideas on how it can make a person feel. as if it was your fault.. please!


----------



## skyesmom

..and regarding the waiting game (i'm not pregnant again the 3rd time now... yet), even the tww is enough, i can't imagine how it is to go through 9 months like that... for me, a part of me is excited and would like to welcome a new life, and another one is petrified. because if there's one thing that scares me, it is going through a mc again. i just can't do it. i'd rather die, seriously. i know it sounds crazy but it is so.

so every next period that comes is both a slight disappointment and a major relief. (i'm not allowing myself to get excited at all otherwise i'd go crazy!)


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, skyesmom. I used to get shorter cycles as well (26 to 28) but I never conceived on those ones. I only seem to conceive when my cycles are in the 40ish range with my son being the extreme exception. I'm just happy to be regular! I used to be all over the map with no pattern whatsoever. Now my body keeps returning to 40 days exactly.

And I understand about what you mean about rather dying than going through another m/c. I felt that way last time and yet I pulled through. I feel that way now and it made me afraid to get pregnant again. But if I want a baby of my own I have to face the spawning chasm that is the first trimester. I have to cross through it if I want my rainbow. I am a little mad though that I keep having to endure the fears and yucky side effects of the first tri without getting a baby out of the deal.

So where in the tww are you?


----------



## skyesmom

somewhere around 10 dpo but it's highly unlikely this time, due to the BD timing... we're not TTC, it puts too much pressure on us and it broke us up for a while even. if it happens it happens, just tracing my ovulation is enough to make me dread the whole sex thing... so.. better not mentioning the official TTC at all. that said, i know how long my cycles are as i do keep trace of that for the sakes of my gyno, so i know more or less where i am, and when i should get my period... but i wouldn't call it like a real TTC style 2WW... it's more like a ticking: ok, now i should get my period and what if i don't? how the hell will i cope with that?

it still takes some time for me to heal but it's ok, the one thing i'm not gonna do is let anyone or anything put any pressure on me. not even myself. probably one of the biggest lessons i've learned from this entire experience.


----------



## RedWylder

Gosh I don't know what's been up with me these last few days but I haven't felt pregnant and I've done a little bit of Firefighting stuff (nothing major, mostly just training other people) but there has been a growing worry building in my mind that I've killed or hurt my baby. Today I finally gave in and looked again for the heartbeat and for an agonizingly long time I couldn't find baby and was near hysterics until at last.....baby's heartbeat was found louder than ever. I shed some tears and I'm feeling soooo much better now. I'm so happy baby is still alive.


----------



## skyesmom

oh red!! so sorry u had to go through such a stress! it's normal to "forget" you're pregnant, that happens all the time and i know girls who would be like that for weeks... none of them suffered a loss though and had to go freak out because of it. but it's normal, it's like when you take a new haircut and then get shocked every time you go by a mirror and after a week you're accustomed to it - your body is also getting used to being pregnant by default which is a great thing actually!

and Starry, regarding TTC again after multiple losses, you are my hero! i admire you so much for that, it ls like jumping off the cliff into the unknown because your love your LO to come so much! you are amazing!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red you opportunity thing !! Isn't it just awful we all want this so much we get so scared from time to time that its all going to just disappear !!! Finding the hb must be such a relief and comfort no wonder you cried !! My comfort these days is feeling this little on squirm around ! Everyday they are getting more recognisable and more pronounced :) he/she has a little pattern going now , sleep the morning long , mid afternoon a bit of a wiggle , then its party time after dark lol........ Can't wait till OH can feel our wriggler on the outside :)


----------



## Topanga053

Happy turnover day!! :happydance: 20 weeks for Left and me!! 

DH and I will be taking a picture tonight for 20 weeks, so I'll try to remember to post that here, although I still don't have much of a bump!!

Also, I had my follow up scan last night because they couldn't get all of the spine and heart pictures they needed at my gender scan. Once again, she was being STUBBORN! Lmao the techs at both ultrasounds commented on how stubborn she is. Both of them tried having me lie in all different positions, but nothing would make her move. Anyway, they finally got what they needed. Everything is normal (and we've confirmed that she's stubborn LOL) and HB was 148 last night. So cool to see her moving all around!


----------



## rayraykay

Starry is also my hero. Her strength astounds me.

Red I'm so sorry, I felt the same way early on, I am a self proclaimed Doppler addict. I used it every single day until around 20 weeks when the movement I felt was undeniably her. I also cried many times at the sound of the heartbeat. It never ever gets old. Ever. Hang in there. Baby is growing rapidly as I type this. Making him/herself right at home :hugs:

Happy turnover day! 

Left I can't wait to find out what you're having! I still think boy but this is a girl heavy thread...

Topanga my little girl was also stubborn. At the 13 week genetic scan and the anatomy scan. It was funny to me.. The techs were annoyed hahahaha


----------



## Starry Night

Hee hee. I love hearing stories of how our unborn babies behave. My son was a little rascal. He kept somersaulting and barrel-rolling away from the scanner or doppler. He kicked back on it alot too. He also would go quiet whenever DH tried to feel him. I was maybe 8 1/2 months before DH finally felt him!:haha: DS would also kick like mad whenever children started yelling, laughing or crying around me. From that we predicted he would be quite social and he is! And he definitely earned his nickname "Monkey". When he was small we wanted to nickname him Cuddle Bug. He is not cuddlely at all. :haha:

And I am not feeling very strong. Last night the pessimism really began to creep in and now all I want to do is cry. I'm not feeling very pregnant so it makes it hard to accept this is "sticky". DH is annoyed that I'm giving up but it's so hard to ignore the fears.


----------



## RedWylder

Hang in there Starry! That first week is by far the hardest. First you have to get past the point of "It could just be a chemical", and then the praying for all your worth that it's sticky. I'm still in that stage but starting to feel more confident. Have you had any bloodwork done? Thankfully I got early tests done at 11,13,15 and my results helped ease my mind (obviously my mind is never at ease, but it helped a smidge). I don't pray but I've got everything crossed for you. I don't think I can bare watching you go through another heartbreak so this obviously has to be sticky.

Happy turnover day to everyone else! Left and Topanga- I just realized we're exactly 10 weeks apart. I just hit double digits and I'm exactly 10 weeks today (I'm doin a little dance). I felt a tad bit of pain this morning that could only be RLP and I grinned. It's funny how I hear you all talk about everything you go through and then when I finally get it, it's just like "Hello, nice to meet you Round Ligament Pain."


----------



## Topanga053

Starry- too funny about your son! Lauren (we've already named her... Lauren Elizabeth) has been stubborn both times, not only for the techs, but for us! We really wanted a nice profile picture and the best we have (from both ultrasounds) is a nice picture of her back! LMAO it's like she's saying, "I'm sooooooo bored with this! All you get is my back!" :haha: 

As far as your worries, they are completely understandable. Once you've experienced a loss(es), it's impossible not to worry. DH got annoyed with my worrying too. But, you have no reason to worry. When is your scan? Hopefully that will help start putting your mind at ease!!

Red- Yay for double digits!!! :happydance: Almost out of first tri!! :happydance:


----------



## Starry Night

I'm still waiting for my scan referral to come in the mail. I'm pretty annoyed by that. I hope it comes in the mail tomorrow. Last time the doctor mentioned he was considering getting me an early scan for dating purposes and when the referral came in the mail it was only for my 20 week scan. Grrr. I was too annoyed to fight it. This time I'm going to and it would be nice to find out if I'm going to have to fight it before I see the doctor tomorrow afternoon. I'm seeing another doctor right now because my regular doctor is on study leave. She had said she would get me an early scan so I could have her call the hospital again and insist on giving me earlier one.

I did hear back from the doctor's office and my appointment with the OB has been booked for November 6. :happydance: In a way, that feels so long from now but I'll be 10 1/2 weeks by then so fairly standard. That's how it was in my home province, at least. I'm hoping for a 'boring' pregnancy but one of the complications with my son is one I'll likely have again as it has to do with the arteries in my uterine wall. The blood doesn't flow through them properly.

And, while I can't say I have ms exactly, today I noticed that eating is becoming a chore. I will finish my meals but man, every bite is a challenge. It doesn't gross me out. I think it's very tasty. But I just feel so full. And that is definitely not like me. I don't get 10, 20 pounds overweight with a small appetite. ha ha And then supper almost came back up on me. Now that my stomach is settling I am feeling better.


----------



## SusieC

Just stalking & checking in with you all!

Praying for your sticky Starry- the early days & weeks crawl by. Hope u get a date for an early scan soon.

Yeah Red! For 10 weeks!! :) and RLP! 

Topanga- Lauren is such a pretty name :) Lol re the ultrasound pics!! 

Hope the rest of you ladies and your bumps are keeping well. 

Funny how there are lots of girl bumps- in RL my friends all seem to be having boys! I have a strong feeling my first will be a boy too! Time will tell!


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - it is funny how the gender bunches up like that. I was 7 months pregnant when I moved to my new home and everyone wanted to know what I was having. I was so proud and would say 'boy' and everyone would just groan and go 'not another one!'. lol I guess at our church all anyone had for years was boys. There was maybe one girl per age group. I couldn't even say it was 'something in the water' for me because DS was conceived on the other side of the country. But now quite a few people have had girls so it is girl season over here. 

Topanga - I also love the name you chose for your LO. I really love the classic names. If this is a girl we're naming her Hannah. We're still mulling over a middle name. The options are Sophia and Morgan and Faith. The first twp options are the middle names for my 2 angels I feel were girls. The third would be more symbolic as 'rainbow' just isn't my type of name. ha ha

afm - almost feel like writing a song called "I Hate First Tri" to help me cope. lol It would go "I hate first tri, I hate first tri, la la la, I hate first tri". The end.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, no way!!! Hannah was tied for a long time for a girl's name for us! I loved Hannah, in part because it means "Grace of God", which I thought was particularly fitting. Ultimately, DH liked Lauren a little better, so we went with that, but seriously, it was between the two of them for a looonngg time! How funny!!! And I love your song! :haha:


----------



## RedWylder

Hahaha Starry. I love your song too-so very fitting. 

Last night I had some pretty intense back cramps. I'm not sure what that was about. My cramping has been sort of quiet lately and then all of a sudden, BAM. WTF? Is this normal?


----------



## Topanga053

Red, I've had really intense back cramps sporadically throughout this whole pregnancy. They used to freak me out a lot more in first tri, but after a couple of healthy ultrasounds, I figured it was just going to be normal for me. The worst was Sunday night. I was trying on some clothes and putting laundry away and all of a sudden I had the worst back cramps ever. I mean, curled in a ball on the bed, whimpering, unable to move. Poor DH didn't know what to do.. he just kept rubbing my back and saying he'd never seen me like that. They passed in 5-10 minutes and haven't come back since and I've had no other distressing symptoms (bleeding, etc etc), so I figured I just overdid it somehow moving around so much. 

So anyway, at least for me, cramping is totally normal.

Oh, and I had an ultrasound the next day that showed her healthy and happy as can be, so it wasn't a sign that anything was wrong with her!


----------



## Topanga053

As promised, here's the bump pic that DH and I took last night for 20 weeks. Poor DH is sick as a dog with the world's worst head cold. I'm surprised he was willing to take the picture with me! Although he did go to bed immediately after this. :haha:

[URL=https://s927.photobucket.com/user/darcyamitchell/media/1236426_749637084464_1391987861_n_zps66bf18f5.jpg.html][IMG]https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/1236426_749637084464_1391987861_n_zps66bf18f5.jpg[/URL][/IMG]


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, Topanga, you look lovely!! And your bump is so teeny and cute with such a nice shape.

I should have taken a photo this morning. I had a lovely bloat bump. It's still there a little bit but it's settling and the flab is taking over again. ha ha


----------



## RedWylder

You look great Topanga! Nice to see yo face. :) I've had cramping throughout this trimester in varying intensities but that was my first all on back cramp. It caught me off guard and I could hardly breathe. At least this is abnormal and doesn't mean I need to freak out.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red firstly completly normal ! I got it so bad I went to the doctor . He told me that during the first tri all your muscles and ligaments are looser and softer than normal due to everything stretching , its very easy to pull or over stretch a ligament or muscle in your back , simple things like carrying a shopping bag ( not even a heavy one ) a washing basket anything can do it causing you to be in agony !!!! 

Topanga you look great and is so nice to put a name to your face :) you have a wee bump :) ill be brave and take a photo tommrow ans post it :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry almost 5 weeks already :)


----------



## Starry Night

Saw my doctor today and it turns out the test I need is a simple hcg draw. She said the hospital is giving her hard time about booking a scan (I figured something was up as I hadn't heard anything) and she said they said I need to get my beta levels tested. She said she didn't know why but when I go they'll have no more excuses. lol I went to the hospital lab but apparently the front desk closes at 4. We arrived at 4:05 It never said that anywhere on their posted hours!!! So I"m going to our local walk-in clinic. The results will take longer as they have to ship into the city but hopefully the hospital will accept the referral and get one booked before the weekend.

I feel like the hospital is power-tripping. I think my doctor would have a better idea if I should have a scan or not. It's not like we're demanding a particular day or even week. Just the first tri!


----------



## RedWylder

Starry that all sounds really messed up. I feel like it should be a lot more straight forward than that. From my experience, you might be better off getting your labs done tomorrow at the hospital. I went to an urgent care clinic for my first labs and didn't get them back for 3 weeks (was only supposed to take 3-5 days) because they had to mail them. I had two sets of hospitals labs done before I ever got back the other tests.


----------



## Starry Night

The people at the local lab said they drive up the samples to the nearest city everyday in the afternoon. It's just that it's a half hour drive each way to the hospital and gas is so expensive.


----------



## RedWylder

That's not too bad.


----------



## rayraykay

Topanga you look amazing!!! YAY! SOOO beautiful.

Starry I am so sorry getting an early scan is a pain. I wish people would be more understanding! Hopefully after you get the HCG draw things will happen. An early scan would be amazing piece of mind. But hey! Almost 5 weeks! 

Red and Left I also had terrible back pain and cramps in the first trimester. I was worried sick about it all the time. It was so hard. As Left said it's totally normal and it's just stretching pains or the beginning of "round ligament" pain. It's still a total pain in the you know what to deal with. I have it really bad right now. 

Hope everyone had a nice day!


----------



## Starry Night

My bleeding usually starts between 5 and 6 weeks so I definitely feel that looming over my head. Really, really hoping and praying for a boring pregnancy.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry here is wishing your the MOST BORNING UNEVENTFUL PREGNANCY EVER ! Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Had my betas drawn today. Hopefully I will get a scan booked soon! But on my way back I suddenly felt this pricking pain in my cervix. It felt like it was trying to rip open. It really scared me. :cry: As soon as I got inside I rushed to the bathroom. No spotting. But I'm taking it as a warning that I have been doing too much. Even though I've put myself on bed rest I actually do a lot. I cook all the meals and am constantly cleaning the kitchen. I usually avoid the stairs but today I went up and down repeatedly to clear out the trash and recycling. Dh scolds me but he doesn't offer to do it either. Dirty kitchens are so depressing. But I have to put up with it I guess. Resting is more important.


----------



## Topanga053

Sounds like a good plan, Starry, to rest as much as possible. I'm sure it was absolutely nothing, but when I got that insane back pain on Sunday, I immediately stopped doing laundry and went to bed for the rest of the evening. No chores are worth the risk!


----------



## skyesmom

oh Starry i totally second Left!! I wish you the most boring uneventful pregnancy in the world!!

and it's so hard when you try to juggle between not straining yourself and still doing all the things you have to do, especially after a loss.

i send you all amazing ladies a hug!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry that is actually a good sign :) yes a pain in your cervix !! I remember getting it too in the very early days and worrying like mad !! I googled it and loads of people get it !!! Not quite sure why but they do :)


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, Left. :hugs: I became crampy this afternoon and it took awhile to realize they were stretching pains. But now dh has put his foot down and is making me rest. He even made supper. He made pizza from scratch. It turned out quite good. I had 5 pieces. :blush: I justify it since I don't really eat that much at the other meals anymore. It's always which meal I feel good over. Today and yesterday it has been supper.


----------



## skyesmom

and yay to Starry's DH and all the other DHs who spoil their expecting ladies!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I feel quite lucky. Dh is so good. But we've both been through a lot and I know it hurts him how much the losses have hurt me. He is just as eager to keep this baby as I am. He got mad at me because I lifted ds out of his crib after his nap. I have to admit that it hurt quite a bit. Now if only I can get dh to clean the kitchen. LOL


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry only 7 more weeks of resting ! Well done on 5 weeks :)


----------



## Starry Night

I really hope I only need to be on bed rest for first tri as I had to be for six months with DS. I'm already bored out of my mind. With DS we had cable and I watched all my movies all day. But now we only get 4 channels and the sattelite streams in downstairs and I'm supposed to avoid stairs! And I have to be careful what I watch in front of DS and kiddie shows aren't always entertaining. I also don't want him watching TV all day. In the afternoon I put on one of my movies--a BBC time period drama of some sort---which is kiddie safe but ultra boring for him so he just plays beside me. I need to get some good books for the TV-free time. I don't mind him watching a little extra for now but I do feel guilty. He better not get used to it though.

My ms is still hit and miss but now when it hits I find it's getting stronger and it feels really gaggy. I think I'm throwing up with this pregnancy. I have a barfing phobia (panic-attack inducing) so I'm trying to steel myself for the possibility. I've only ever thrown up in pregnancy when I was actually sick with illness....or the one time my friend and I pigged out on pizza and I had a large diet soda, forgetting that diet sodas still had caffeine and also had yucky aspertame. LOL That one I did to myself.

LEft = how are you doing? Isn't your gender scan coming up soon? One day I feel girl for you and the next I feel boy.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, I have a total barfing phobia too, but amazingly enough, wasn't that bothered the couple of times I threw up this pregnancy. Not that I would want to repeat it anytime soon (LOL!), but it was surprising easy to deal with, given my phobia. Maybe it was easier to tolerate because I knew it meant baby was probably healthy?? :shrug:

In other news, Lauren has been relatively quiet the last two days, but DH got to feel her kick for the first time last night. He was so excited! It was so adorable!! <3


----------



## RedWylder

Awe! Topanga that's so sweet. I can't wait till my hubby can feel the same thing. His reaction to the heartbeat was pretty awesome but I'm thinking that this will be better. :)


----------



## Starry Night

Our dhs can be so sweet in pregnancy. When we found out DS' gender Dh was beside himself. We had already picked out a name so dh was saying 'hi' to him over and over. I found it sweet and cute.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well Topanga my LO is the total opposite of yours today! Yesterday was a little worried as LO didn't do a lot of wiggling , well today they have definatly made up for it ! There is a party going on in there :) all day !!!!! OH has tried twice to feel the wiggling but has not yet :( can't wait for him too he will be so excited ! 

Becks my scan is 3 more sleeps away and I cannot wait :)


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone... Left, I still say boy!


----------



## skyesmom

oh Left almost there for the gender scan!! yay!! i think the little wriggler will get u on team blue too :)

and starry, congrats on your 5th week, it is almost over!! maybe you can try an online language course or sth like that to occupy your mind while on bed rest... it can be quite funny actually :)

oh and Topanga, how sweet that your OH finally got to feel her kick!! i can't wait to have those moments! 

hugs to all of u!


----------



## rayraykay

My vote is for boy left.

Hope everyone is doing well.


----------



## Starry Night

Ugh, I think I am getting to that point where I want to start nibbling just to keep the yuckies at bay. I still don't know if I want salty or sweet though. And constipation kicked in yesterday so in the afternoon I get all bloated and cramped. Last night a cup of coffee got it going so I might try that again this evening.

I'm doing a lot of crossword puzzles these days. I need to find a good book to read though I find it a little tough to concentrate as I get so tired so fast. I sleep a lot. :sleep:

Left - I guess I have to stop flip-flopping and just take a guess. I think I'll join Team Blue and say boy for you. It is based on nothing though so take that guess for what it's worth. lol

Topanga - glad your dh was able to feel the kicks. That's such a moment for our men, I think. It makes them a part of the process and realize there really is a baby in there. I know dh sometimes envies my connection with our unborn.


----------



## Topanga053

Ok ladies, quick rant time. I am having HORRIBLE heartburn tonight. Like, I can barely breathe some moments the pain is so bad and NOTHING (milk, tums, etc) is helping. 

I haven't been sleeping well the past few night for various reasons and was really looking forward to a good night's sleep. I woke up at 2am with this awful heartburn. I was up in pain and trying everything to treat it until a little after 4am. When it finally got better, I tried sleeping in a recliner, but couldn't, so made the mistake of going back to the couch, with my head propped up. An hour later (5am), boom, I'm back up in awful pain. So now I'm back in my recliner after some more milk and Tums at 6am, just wanting to sleep!!!!! 

One more night like this and I'm calling the doctor to get heavy duty heartburn meds to have on hand, just in case!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga , I've been experiencing a bit of heartburn myself the last week or so but not as bad as your !!! Poor you ! Its so uncomfortable . Only one more sleep eeeeeeeeh :)


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - aw, that sounds awful!! I had heart burn pretty bad with ds but it was more in the form of acid reflux than the actual pain. I hope your doctor is able to find a way to help. 

My heart burn is already getting on my nerves. It's always one of my first signs. I hate that when I mention it there is always someone who has to say "oh that doesn't happen until later on in pregnancy". Um, I know what heart burn is and it is happening now! Every day! After everything I eat. So I'm pretty sure it's related to my pregnancy. In fact, this time around I got heart burn every single day since ovulation. It's the same with sciatic nerve pain. "oh, that isn't from the pregnancy as it's too early". Yeah....OK....that's why I start to get pain in my butt muscles every single time a bfp appears. Right....

Not everyone fits into the textbook! I mean, bfp means bed rest for me right away. My labour with ds was not textbook. The nurses all gathered outside my door and whispered about me (I heard them). My contractions were never even, my cervix never dropped yet the doctors were always shocked to see that I was dilating so quickly. My body doesn't know how to be pregnant or how to deliver a baby. It is what it is. There is an older woman in my church who went through something similar so she understands. She had 3 kids and had to be on bed rest for all them and they were all c-sections (back in the day when that was still a very big deal) as her body just couldn't labour properly. And she was a tiny lady having 10 pounders. 

When I was pregnant last fall my SiL told me I shouldn't have another c-section because they are hard to recover from. Um...I know....I've had one. You have not. :dohh::haha:

OK, that was bit of a rant. I shouldn't let people's comments get to me especially as I haven't heard too many.


----------



## RedWylder

Hi Ladies! Heartburn is no fun. I've only had it like once or twice my whole llife and I didn't enjoy it. Definitely don't lie down during it, Topanga (which you discovered made it worse). Sitting/Standing will allow gravity to at least help keep the stomach acid where it should be. 

Starry- gosh pregnancy sounds awful for you. I'm surprised you're eager to do it again.

afm- all my symptoms seem to be morphing a bit now that I'm nearing 2nd trimester. I don't have constant queasiness but M/S still hits me at weird times. Today I was showering, felt fine, and then all of a sudden I was dry heaving. I hadn't eaten anything so my stomach was empty or it would've been everywhere. I'm tired sometimes, energetic others. Oh and just as I was typing this I started to feel light headed and got a cold sweat, which is now gone. Very weird.


----------



## Starry Night

REd - I hope your symptoms go away soon. They really are unpleasant.

And I hate being pregnant. Mostly for the emotional upheaval and stress due to the problems and history. I only do it because it is necessary to have a biological child and I still have this strange urge to reproduce and dh isn't keen on adoption anyways (I might like to someday). I don't really get sick with m/s that badly (no hypermesis) and there is still hope I won't have complications with this one. FX'd!!!!!! 

But I know it is all super worth it. DS is living proof of that every day. He has been such a blessing and I can't wait for you ladies to find that out for yourselves. Am I the only one in the thread who already has a child? I can't remember if anchor is on her first or not....

things I did like about being pregnant: feeling my baby move around inside of me, feeling like I was a 'sacred vessel" carrying another being inside of me, getting boobs....finally!!!! (I used to be an A cup) and maternity clothes can be very cute and comfy. And I totally loved the stares and attention you get in public. I even laughed when a little girl said, "mommy, that lady is very fat". ha ha hahahaahah OH, that was funny because I was!!! My complications healed by the end of second tri so I got to have some normalcy later on. Third tri I had the most energy of the entire pregnancy. It was awesome. I could actually go outside and feel the sunshine.


----------



## Topanga053

Left wonderin said:


> Only one more sleep eeeeeeeeh :)

Eeeekkk it's today!!!! :happydance::happydance: I'm with the others in that I vote boy, but I really don't know why! I can't wait to hear the news!!!



RedWylder said:


> Hi Ladies! Heartburn is no fun. I've only had it like once or twice my whole llife and I didn't enjoy it. Definitely don't lie down during it, Topanga (which you discovered made it worse). Sitting/Standing will allow gravity to at least help keep the stomach acid where it should be.
> 
> afm- all my symptoms seem to be morphing a bit now that I'm nearing 2nd trimester. I don't have constant queasiness but M/S still hits me at weird times. Today I was showering, felt fine, and then all of a sudden I was dry heaving. I hadn't eaten anything so my stomach was empty or it would've been everywhere. I'm tired sometimes, energetic others. Oh and just as I was typing this I started to feel light headed and got a cold sweat, which is now gone. Very weird.

Red, I would NEVER lie down when I'm having heartburn, except I'd already been sitting/standing for most of the night waiting for it to subside and I was DYING for some sleep!!! Anyway, I bought a wedge pillow yesterday ($30 for a pillow... crazy!!), but it seemed to work. I had light heartburn all day yesterday, but nothing since I went to sleep on the pillow or so far this morning. If it will help with the heartburn, it's worth every penny!! :happydance:

As for symptoms, the same thing happened to me! I think between 12-14 weeks it was so sporadic. Some days I could do normal things (like taking out the trash) without being sick, then the next day throwing something out would make me dry heave forever! It was frustrating because I never knew what I could do and what I couldn't. At least for me though, that was the beginning of the end of my first tri symptoms. After a couple of weeks of that, the MS and fatigue just gradually faded away. (To be shortly thereafter replaced by abdominal pains, horrible constipation, and now heartburn! :haha:) I think it's been a relatively easy pregnancy (not that I have much to compare it to), but DH keeps saying, "I don't know how you women do it! There's NO WAY I'd want to go through all of that!!!" :haha: 

In other news, DH and I were using the doppler the other night and it was AMAZING how much we could hear her moving around!!! She was doing somersaults in there, I swear!! Even more funny because I couldn't feel a thing!


----------



## RedWylder

Left, you must let us know asap! I cant wait to hear. I vote boy as well.


----------



## Starry Night

So excited for you, Left!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Well ladies , I'm back ! And it was amazing the whole experience from begining to end ! 
I can't quite believe that a little person is growing inside me !!! Today made it very real ! Our LO was so active , yawning , swallowing , resting its head on its tiny hands , pulling its Knee up to its chests , rolling away from the probe a few times . But the little dear co-operated and we got all our measurements needed . Everything looks great :) 

So do ya want to know what team I'm on ?


----------



## Topanga053

Oh come on Left, now you're just being cruel!!!! Tell us!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Left - I can't believe you didn't tell us!!!! Oh, how cruel!!! I was checking for updates all day. Let me guess, the baby was crossing its legs....


Oi...my stomach is hurting so badly! I don't know if it's trapped gas, my irritible bowel, stretching pains or how my m/s is expressing itself. If I sit too long I get horrible pains but when I lie down I get horrible heart burn. It's making me feel like a whiney baby.


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol I forgot I'd left ya hanging ! 

Well say hello to Sean Joseph Bowe :cloud9:
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 36.5 KB
Views: 6


----------



## Topanga053

Awww yay!!!! So excited for you, Left!!! And so funny we all guessed right!!! Love the name!!


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, hello little Sean! Continue to grow big and strong! Don't give your momma a hard time.

Congrats, Left.


----------



## Carybear

Congrats Left!


----------



## rayraykay

Congrats! I just had a feeling it was a boy!! So awesome!


----------



## RedWylder

Left!!!! Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I have the biggest grin for you. That is just way to exciting. Congrats on your handsome little man.


----------



## skyesmom

yay! congrats left!! hello Sean!!! you are so beautiful! keep growing healthy and strong!


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks everyone :) I have the biggest smile on my face :) 21 weeks today ! My dates have changed again from the 15th to the 11th of February ! Apparently they mis- calculated on my last hospital visit when they changed my dates !


----------



## Topanga053

That makes so much more sense!! And now we have the same due date Left!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Turnover tuesday! It's week 11 for me. Since I keep buggin ya'll about photos here's one of my "bump" although it's not really bumpy.

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo6_zps9d076a55.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

Wow, Red, you look adorable! I definitely see a little bump.

And gosh, I think I'm the only chubby girl on the thread. Now you're NEVER seeing my bump photos.:blush::mrgreen::mrgreen::mrgreen: Sometimes I seriously think I'm the only chubby girl on all of BnB because on the May threads everyone is sharing their early bump/bloat photos and they're all teeny tiny too. But I'm not plus-sized so I feel badly joining the plus-sized threads. I'm that bulgy inbetween. ha ha

I'm already unable to do up my jeans comfortably. I am going around the house with the fly completely undone. I know most of that is bloat but I do feel a little, teeny-bit of growth. It's hard to see underneath the pooch and flab leftover from my son's pregnancy and c-section. And those extra 10 pounds I gained after my previous m/c's.:blush:


----------



## RedWylder

Aww Starry, I'm sure you look just perfect for you. Everyone is blessed with a beautiful body all their own. You should wear your mommy weight with pride because of what it means and how you got it. I'm sure that's easier said than done and I'll try to remember my own words when it comes time.


----------



## Starry Night

Weight has always been a struggle for me. With DS' pregnancy I gained 60 pounds and I managed to lose 70 pounds afterwards. It was a struggle but I did it! But with all that struggle I still only managed to get just within my healthy BMI range. I plateaued at about 5 pounds over my goal weight and I just would not go down. I could have picked up my exercise routine but I'm just not an exercise buff. Walks and bike rides are what I like. Though once I have this baby I might try something a bit more strenuous. I was fairly happy with my weight after DS but I could have worked on toning my ab muscles a bit more. That alone would probably have shaved that extra 5 pounds off.

I do like to joke that I was built to survive Siberian winters. My immediate ancestors were sentenced to work camps in Siberia during Russia's communist era due to their religious beliefs. They survived the tough conditions so I figure that is why I'm so thick and keep on weight so well. 

I'll share a bump photo when there is one to share. Things are getting tight but it will be a few weeks at least before something shows up from underneath my mummy tummy.


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol Starry I say I am built to survive the Famine !!! I am not a skinny minny about a uk size 16 before pg , still am as I've only put on 2kg so far at 21 weeks !


----------



## Starry Night

I'm not feeling as nauseous today though I still get painful stomach cramps. It's pretty awful, really.

I finally heard back from the hospital today and they are giving me an early scan! I was so worried they would power-trip and overrule my doctor's decision. It's on the 15th. It feels so far away but I'll be just shy of 8 weeks. Man, this pregnancy is going slow.


----------



## skyesmom

great news Starry!! keeping my fingers crossed! and u already passed the dreaded 6 weeks didn't u? massive hugggsss to u!


----------



## Starry Night

I'll be 6 weeks tomorrow and so far no spotting. this morning I had some awful period-like cramps and it made me very scared. But it seems that can be normal.

I'm usually a bit further when I actually m/c but it's normally around this point when things start to go wrong. If I can have a healthy scan at 8 weeks then I will start to relax a little bit more.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I've got my fingers crossed!


----------



## rayraykay

Red you look awesome. So good! I definitely see a bump too. Don't worry, it will only get bigger from here on out :)

Starry I am seriously grateful they are giving you a scan. I am sending you and your little bean love. And please! Post pictures whenever you feel comfortable! I wanna see! Never be embarrassed, I know you are a beautiful momma:)


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. My parents will be over for a visit at the time so they'll be able to watch DS when we go and it would be nice to have them around no matter how the scan goes.

I hope I'm not speaking too soon but it does seem my nausea is going away a bit. With my last two pregnancies the loss of nausea was the beginning of the end but this time I'm choosing to rejoice. I still don't feel awesome and my gag reflexes are on high alert but it's far more manageable outside of the stomach pain. My mom said that she was only sick the first two weeks with me. I wouldn't complain if that was happening to me.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry yahoooo on 6 weeks :) half way through the first tri ! Great news about the early scan too . And as for tummy pain , I had loads n loads !!!


----------



## anchor08

Glad you're hanging in there Starry, that's the hardest and slowest few weeks imaginable! My doctor's office was not sympathetic and only gave me an appointment at 11 weeks and I thought I was going to lose my mind. I guess we're all stronger than we know...

Sounds like everyone's having a tough time with preggo symptoms, nice to have company! Hope it gets better for everyone though. I've had a lot of back, hip and pelvic pain in the last 2-3 weeks -- suddenly went from feeling very normal and able to do anything I wanted to as long as I got enough sleep to hurting all the time, whether I was walking, standing, sitting or lying down. Fortunately it's easing up a bit -- I think my baby shifted a little higher up, or at least I'm getting used to it. I have an appointment and quick scan next week so I'm nervous to see how she's positioned. She's been breech or transverse every time so far, and there's still time for her to turn but not a lot!


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor you're so close! I'm so sorry that you're feeling all that pain. I'm sure we'll all be able to relate eventually and you'll be cheering us on from the other side telling us that it's worth it. :)


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - towards the end with my son I remember crying every time I got out of bed it hurt so badly. I started sleeping on the couch simply because it was easier to get up off of in the morning. I hope the aches and pains ease up and you can enjoy your final weeks as a pregnant lady.

ugh - last night I had a bit of brown spotting. I was on the eve of reaching six weeks and my body just could not let me get there without incident. It was very pale brown and kind of yellowish so I'm hoping it was mostly just cm. My gums also bled while brushing my teeth last night so I am crossing my fingers that I was just being sensitive. I am taking it even easier if that's possible. It is like I have to be lying down most of the time. Even sitting isn't good enough. 

It is hard not to worry though. My nausea is getting less and less everyday. I'm cramping and now I've had some spotting. I know this can all be normal and I've had much, much worse with my son. But my track record speaks for itself too. Right now I'm feeling that if I lose this one then I am done. Or least, would go on a long break. It's too hard physically and emotionally to have all these pregnancies only to lose them.


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Starry. :hugs: Like you said, that's all perfectly normal, but I can completely understand with your history why you're so nervous. Maybe they can get you in before 8weeks, just to put your mind at ease??

Afm, no updates. Lauren was quiet for a couple of days and has now been doing the conga. She was kicking up a storm night before last and has been really active this afternoon, which is unusual for her. I'm hoping this is a sign that the movement is going to start becoming stronger and more frequent.

Also, I couldn't find any clean maternity pants this morning, so I'm wearing one of my normal suits with my pants unbuttoned and unzipped with my blazer covering them. :haha: Classy! Hopefully nothing slips and my co-workers get more of a view than they bargained for!


----------



## Topanga053

Deleted. Duplicate post... See below!


----------



## Topanga053

Ladies, quick question. How, if at all, are you dealing now with friends who were pregnant during your loss(es)? 

One of my old best friends (we've drifted apart a little for various reasons in the last few years) invited DH and me to her son's first birthday party soon. It's not like it was when we were TTCAL, but I still feel a sting, remembering that I should have a 6 month old now and that this time last year I was just finishing up my loss while her son was being born. She's also pregnant again (about two months behind me), which honestly makes it that much more difficult. It feels really painful to see her son when I should have a newborn AND hear about her current pregnancy (which, like her first, happened right away). Part of me doesn't even want to go just because I think it will bring up a lot of old pain/memories that I'd rather avoid. But then I feel like a selfish prat and that I need to start getting past these feelings.

Thoughts?? Advice??


----------



## Starry Night

I think some of those feelings will always be with you but as time goes on you learn how to put them on the backburner a bit. My dh's cousin had a baby just a few days before my first angel's due date and I had a hard time seeing photos on facebook for a long time. But eventually the pain wore down to more of a simple reminder. The last time I saw him I simply thought "oh, I guess my angel would be at that stage right now". But I didn't feel sad about it. I was a little more sad that she was pregnant again when I had another loss.

I'm still waiting to see how I will be around my future niece even if i do end up keeping this baby. I was just fine meeting my last niece even though I miscarried during that pregnancy as well.

I haven't had any further spotting since the one time last night and I am feeling gross again today so we'll see. If I get any red spotting I'll go in to the ER and see what they'll do for me.


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga- what starry said. Some feelings just never leave. I still feel annoyed at pregnancy announcements on facebook even though I will soon be one of them.


----------



## skyesmom

hey dear... my cousin had her second daughter born exactly on my edd... we spent our teens together and we're close; her baby came 4 weeks early and was in NICU for almost two weeks due to jaundice and an infection, gave us all a pretty bad scare. when she arrived i took it as my niece and my angel cooking up a surprise for me and wanting to say hello. :) i also have to say my cousin was really understanding towards my loss, she never complained about her pregnancy at least not when i was around and well.. two months after my loss while she was still preggo, she called me up and told me she feels terrible that i've lost my baby, that we're not expecting together (we joyed about this so much) and that she feels guilty for still being pregnant, as if she robbed me off something... we cried our hearts out together and well... that helped A LOT to manage her pregnancy. she also talks about my angel as if he was a real living baby, like her daughter is, so i have no issues with her.

other friends... i love babies so much that whenever i see my prego friends i just think how lucky they are, and always hope they'll never get to know what this pain means. what did piss me off is when a couple of them fell pregnant accidentally and well... debated over having an abortion with me just few weeks after my loss. that's a thing i couldn't deal with at all and had to use all my good manners not to slap them. but in time - and with LOTS of practice - it eased and i manage even those conversations too, although it hurts. 

but... i do get more emotional when seeing pregnant women in general as my EDD approaches. i didn't have this with my first angel, just with my second, it's something automatic and i can't control it, it just comes. and then well... if i have to see my pregnant friends or their LO's and so on, i go and if i get moody i just tell them. most of them are understanding and just hug me without attempting to console me with stupid words (this also was learned over time from both sides! i literally gave them directions on what to do when it happens!).

hope this helps!


----------



## Starry Night

Had some more brown-tinged cm last night. I had been up and around in the afternoon to make supper (I was tired of waiting for dh to make it) so now I'm being more strict about lying down. Even sitting I find to be painful. 

Pregnancy is hard.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, so sorry, hun. I'm sure that's stressing you out. Any updates today? I've been thinking of you!!


----------



## Starry Night

No more spotting, thank goodness! And my sickness is so crazy bad and gets worse by the minute it seems like. So glad for things like Gravol and Tylenol. They're the only things getting me through the day. I only took Gravol once which was yesterday. It was so bad I couldn't even open my eyes without getting sick. Today Tylenol was all I needed as my sickness was largely being caused by a headache.

I am still getting some food down. I even ate a banana and a handful of strawberries so it wasn't all bad. And I had oatmeal for breakfast. Yum.


----------



## RedWylder

Ugh I really don't feel pregnant anymore now that my symptoms are calming down. Plus I had a dream last night that I miscarried. Now I'm in a weird mood that I can't shake.


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Red- I think it's normal to feel not-pregnant when you're at that stage of being between the yuckiness of first trimester and first feeling the baby move. When is your next doctor's appointment? 

But I understand getting bad feelings. I was very achey this morning and just got a bad feeling. I've been forcing myself to ignore it.


----------



## Topanga053

:hugs: Red. Even though I feel her move pretty much every day now, I STILL don't feel pregnant. I'm bigger, but don't have a huge bump and rarely feel her during the day when I'm busy, so most days I tend to forget I'm really pregnant. It still freaks me out somedays. When is your next scan?? It must be coming up soon!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga053 said:


> :hugs: Red. Even though I feel her move pretty much every day now, I STILL don't feel pregnant. I'm bigger, but don't have a huge bump and rarely feel her during the day when I'm busy, so most days I tend to forget I'm really pregnant. It still freaks me out somedays. When is your next scan?? It must be coming up soon!

Topanga I feel exactly the same. !!! My bump still not really visible to the outside world ! Was at a hen on Saturday and nobody could beliee I was that far along ! Its the only time in your life you don't want to be told your tiny !!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Same thing happened to me yesterday Left! DH and I are building a new house and the painter came out to look. When it came up that I was pregnant, he asked how far along I was. He was visibly shocked when I told him just about 22 weeks!! I agree... I'm ready for a bump that everyone else can notice!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Ladies you are too funny. I'm sure you'll be large and in charge in no time.


----------



## Left wonderin

So ladies when are the next scans ? I'm dying for updates :) hoping everyone is well :)


----------



## RedWylder

I have an appt today but I'm not sure if they're going to do a scan or not. For now I'm only planning on a regular appt.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> I have an appt today but I'm not sure if they're going to do a scan or not. For now I'm only planning on a regular appt.

Good. Luck with it, keep us posted :happydance:


----------



## Starry Night

I have a scan on the 15th so just over a week. Already getting nervous. Having this scan go well would be a major milestone compared to my last two pregnancies.

Red, good luck with your appointment. I'm sure things are fine.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry your scan is only around the corner ! For me the closer the scans came the more nervous I became daily !!!! Everything crossed for a positive outcome xxxxxxx 

Red best of luck for your appointment today keep us posted :).


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I've got a good feeling about this one. I've got my toes and fingers crossed for a good scan.

I just realized my update yesterday didn't post so I'll do it now. My appt went really well with my midwife. I was able to ask all the birth questions I had been wondering about like intermittent fetal monitoring and immediate skin to skin contact with baby. I feel reassured that her and I are on the same page now since I'm wanting a natural birth. But by far the best part of the appointment was the impromtu u/s scan. She wheeled the machine into the room (stole it from the u/s people) and poked around. We got to see baby. It was amazing! Here's the video that speaks for itself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX2WSsRxsgE&feature=em-share_video_user


----------



## Starry Night

Red - that's excellent news! And what a lovely video of your little baby bouncing around. So sweet.

afm - trying to stay positive but it's so hard. And I'm just so, so sick. I tried to take a small Tylenol this morning but I gagged and heaved as soon as it went in my mouth. Not sure I'm going to get my prenatal down, let alone all the other supplements I'm taking. At least I know I can get the fish oil in liquid form. I may have to crush the others and mix them in a drink.


----------



## Starry Night

Just feeling really discouraged by my sickness. My parents are coming to visit for Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and the week after and I'm not even looking forward to it because I know I won't be able to enjoy the visit. I'll probably be in bed the whole time. Though my mom promises to make a nice Turkey dinner and then some Turkey soup for me. I know dh is looking forward to having some more helping hands around for awhile.


----------



## Topanga053

Red, what an adorable video!!!! I wish I'd taken a video of some of my scans. I'm so glad that everything went well and baby is developing so nicely!!!

Starry, so sorry about the awful MS, although I'm sure it's a good sign. I'm sure you'll find a way to enjoy the holiday, even if you're not feeling well. And remember, if this is what it takes to get your second rainbow, it will all be worth it in the end! :hugs:

Afm, DH and I spent the whole weekend painting our house (we're building a new house... set to move in early November). The doctor OK'd all the painting, but I was a little nervous when I hadn't felt her move much since we painted, so last night I got the doppler out. It took me a second to find her HB. As soon as I found it, I pushed down a little bit so I could hear it better and she immediately kicked the doppler!!! :haha: It scared the crap out of me because the sound was *SOOOO* loud and it made the doppler jump! Once I calmed down, I pushed the doppler down again and she kicked it again! Lmao I guess she's telling me to knock it off already! Anyway, it made me giggle.


----------



## Starry Night

That's funny, Topanga. I guess the little ones don't like having their slumber disturbed by all that poking and prodding. And have fun making your new house a home.

I found a way to take all my supplements! I ground everything down with my mortar and pestel and mixed it in with some yogurt. It went down quite well that way. Maybe some of the value of the supplements is diminished that way but it's better than not taking them at all or just throwing them up again.


----------



## rayraykay

Red- beautiful video, beautiful baby. DH and I both watched it with huge smiles on our faces. You will treasure that forever. 

Topanga- I had a similar experience about 3 weeks ago when we were painting the nursery. My husband was great and did most of it but I wanted to help. Then, I didn't feel her move for a little while after... I was terrified so I broke out the doppler. Sure enough, she kicked the crap out of it. It made me laugh so hard. "Momma!!! I am okay!! I promise!!!!!" What a sweet memory you have now. That's awesome.

Starry- Nice work on finding out how to take your supplements. You are crafty!!! I am so sorry you feel sick, but I also have a good feeling about this bean. Take care of yourself. 

Anchor- thinking of you! you are so close!

AFM- I apologize for being quiet. About two weeks ago I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I am RIGHT on the edge of it. So the good news is, I am able to regulate it with diet and since I have started monitoring my blood sugar levels, it hasn't been over 109. The range after eating is 60-140. My fasting levels are always on the super low side of 60-95 which also means this will go away after she is born, and I don't have the hugely increased chances of getting type 2 after birth. I heard that right from my doctor and the dietician's mouth. It was a huge shock. I take good care of myself. I exercise (now more than ever) and it was just really a slap in the face. It's hard to believe I didn't do this to myself. But, I didn't. I have to believe that. Of course, I am terrified she will get too big, or something bad will happen. Sometimes in GD, there is a higher risk of still birth. But once again, I have to remember that's with insulin regulated GD which I don't have and poorly regulated GD, when I am regulating the crap out of this very VERY carefully. I just want my healthy happy baby girl. I am so scared now. I just have to tell myself (my doctor reminds me all the time) she's measured perfectly every appointment, she kicks all the time, she has seen no ill effects of this yet and if I continue to be diligent, she will not see any effects of this & her birth can be a natural one. I was just really looking forward to the end of pregnancy, being able to enjoy it and have some of the feelings of anxiousness subside, but alas, that won't be happening. It's been really, really hard. 

Thank you for letting me rant.


----------



## Left wonderin

firstly Ray :hugs: to you . I'm sure it did come as a shock to get that news ! Did you have any signs or symptoms of it our was it just the test ? Sounds like your managing your diet and levels really well . Even so I'm sure it takes time to get your head around it all. I'm sure everything will work out just fine :hugs:

Starry I'm sorry to hear your feeling so unwell MS is just no fun :nope: ( but also have a good feeling about your sticky beanie :happydance:) hang in there girl . Rainbows are hard to grow !!! :blush: 

AND RED what an amazing , incredible video . Have to admit it brought a tear to my eye . You must be on :cloud9: xxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

ray - I'm sorry you have GD. I'm sure it must have been scary and a shock. But it's as you said, you need to keep reminding yourself that you didn't bring this on. Sometimes these things just happen. And you are being well-looked after and you're doing your part to stay healthy and to manage it. :hugs:

afm - doing ok today after the rough beginning. I think I need to be more proactive with my Gravol. If I wait until I get really sick it doesn't work as well as when I take it right away. I am getting killer migraines though. I see my OB on the 6th of November and will bring it up if I'm still getting them. I think that can be a sign of other things. It's still early though so I'm hoping it's just a first tri thing and they'll go away with the rest of the symptoms. and I'm still clinging to the hope that this will be like my son's pregnancy and the m/s will make an early departure.


----------



## RedWylder

Rayray :hug: I'm so sorry to hear that but you and baby are going to be just fine! You're not the neglectful type that's going to do anything that would remotely put baby in harms way. Diabetes is just one of those things that sometimes you can't prevent. It's not like you're grossly overweight or anything so you are probably just prone to the disease. If you take good care of yourself it will most likely go away after pregnancy and never be heard of again. I'm not sure if that helps but I just wanted to try and be helpful, lol.


----------



## rayraykay

It's really hard to believe I didn't do anything to bring this on, but I don't see how I could have. No family history, not overweight, I am 25, baby isn't measuring big at all. I guess it really is just my placenta. It is however, teaching me a way to eat that most people should hear. It's great information and it will help me have a healthier lifestyle after this is all said and done. 

No signs or symptoms, no. In fact, after I failed my first one my doctor came in and said "I have NO suspicion, at all, whatsoever that you have GD, but we have to send you to do the second test just to be safe." So yeah. The only real sign would be that your baby is measuring big. That could also be for other reasons. 

I hope you are feeling okay today Starry. I also hope the rest of you have had a good tuesday :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

Ray - when are you going for your second test?

afm - feeling a bit better today, either that, the Gravol is having more effect today. Normally it would have worn off about an hour ago.


----------



## rayraykay

I had my three hour- I definitely had GD. It's just not an extreme case at all. I saw my dietician again today for a check in.. she said my numbers were the lowest she's ever seen. Basically, I need to loosen up on myself. I just don't want to hurt my baby. I see my OB tomorrow to check in on her growth but since I have been controlling it so well (almost too well) I doubt she will be in any sort of trouble. 

I am so glad you are feeling a bit better today Starry.


----------



## RedWylder

Wow Starry you're almost 7 weeks! How come it seems to be going so fast for you? lol It took me forever to get to 7 weeks but it always seems fast when you're not the one going through the torture.

Rayray, I'm glad your numbers are down. I wasn't worried but I know you were. Try to relax a bit. If you want I can send you my hypnobabies tracks. They are such a good way to relax.


----------



## Starry Night

RedWylder said:


> Wow Starry you're almost 7 weeks! How come it seems to be going so fast for you? lol It took me forever to get to 7 weeks *but it always seems fast when you're not the one going through the torture.*
> 
> Rayray, I'm glad your numbers are down. I wasn't worried but I know you were. Try to relax a bit. If you want I can send you my hypnobabies tracks. They are such a good way to relax.


It definitely has not been going fast for me at all! :haha: It doesn't help that I got an early bfp. I'm still trying to take it day by day. Every day that goes by without spotting I get hopeful. I've never made it this far in any pregnancy without any red bleeding so it's already a milestone for me. It's also the sickest I've ever been so fingers-crossed!!

I think it might start going by faster once I start to feel better and if/when I have a good scan next Tuesday. I still need my Gravol but it actually made a difference today so I'm hoping for better days to come.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry That is some milestone :) I will be keeping everything crossed for your scan next week . Are ye still on restrictions re moving around ? Can I ask what is Gravol ? 

Good morning everyone else :) its a lovely sunny day here even if it is a bit chilly ! I love the autum :) Chrisp Clear days . Pity I have to work !!! 

AFM : Feeling my little boy doing flip flops all day long. Its wonderful ! Ill feel good too , long may it last . Got my appointment for my GD test for mid November , guess we will have to wait and see what happens with that one. If its positive ill be coming after ya Ray for your tips :) you are the star pupil !!!! Xxx


----------



## Starry Night

Gravol is an over-the-counter anti-nausea medication. I recently found out it is safe in pregnancy so I've been taking that. I think the prescription stuff is safer but we don't have a drug plan so if I can save myself my money and the half-hour trip to the doctors then I'm up for it.

Ladies, it's so, so hard not to worry. I have not had a lot of stretching pains for about a week now and that was one of the big clues the last two pregnancies were going wrong. :( If it weren't for the sickness then I don't think I would feel very pregnant. I just cannot make myself imagine my scan going well. I just expect to hear "are you sure of your dates" and "I don't see anything". The lack of stretching is not helping.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, every pregnancy is different. A lack of stretching pains in this pregnancy doesn't have to mean that something is wrong, even if it did before. I didn't have any stretching pains to speak of until last week, nor did I have any in the pregnancy that I miscarried. So in my case, the absence of early stretching pains had NO correlation to whether the pregnancy was healthy or not! The fact that you're still experiencing any sypmtoms, especially intense MS, is a great sign. Try to hold on to that hun. :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Oh Starry, I know how scary that can be. But to be honest your uterus has already done this dance before so maybe all the stretching won't hurt as much this time. Hang in there.


----------



## Starry Night

DH went on DR Google and found the same stories as you have said. It's good to hear over again though. I keep trying to tell myself that. It's just tough because with my son's pregnancy I felt them all the time. And even the pregnancy before him I felt them until I lost it at 12 weeks. 

I just have to hope. I am starting to be pregnant in my dreams so I like to see that as a positive.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry its almost impossible not to worry , I think I worried every second of every day !!! I was sure I was going to end up on anxiety medication !!! However it did really help me to take it one day at a time and tell myself " today I am pregnant and all is ok " ...... I tried stay in the moment and not think beyond that . ( to the point that me and oh didn't even talk about the baby ) I wouldn't let him plan beyond the day ahead !!! When I started to worry about what could happen I stopped myself and reminded myself " today I'm pregnant and all is ok " .... Big hugs to you xxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I really am trying to take it day by day but it's still tough at times.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry Night said:


> I really am trying to take it day by day but it's still tough at times.

Oh Starry I am sure you are. :hugs: you doing amazingly for all you have experienced in this journey . Wish I could take some of the worry from you , hang in there xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

sending a massive hugs to all you ladies!

Starry you are doing great!! hang in there! you are so brave! i second what all these ladies said: your uterus has already stretched before and may have just learned how to do it "better" without causing you pain.. you know, like when you do yoga and you stretch for the 1st time and you wanna die.. and then later it's a piece of cake!

Ray - sorry to hear about your GD but sounds like you're managing it as a trooper!!! congratulations on your strength and determination!! 

i am sure all of your beans are doing just fine!

red your video made me so emotional!

and then topanga's dopler-kicking story finished me off! :) :)

been away for a while and updated my stalking on you all :) :) :)

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## Topanga053

Great to hear from you, Skyesmom!! How's everything going with you??? :hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

all good here, working too much now so ttc will be postponed to 2014 but... 

...at least 18 months after my mc my body started functioning like before :) got my periods back almost like i knew them, which is a relief! it took AGES, but i don't complain since it all feels in tune!


----------



## Starry Night

skyesmom - I'm glad your body has returned to normal. I hope it is making an nice, comfy home for your future rainbow.

afm - had a bit more brown spotting last night. It was dull brown and mixed with cm and only when I wiped. But it definitely put the scare into me. I'm getting loads of pains too but it could be stretching and my sickness picked up again. Dh and I had had some sexy times yesterday morning so that could have aggravated things, I suppose. I really hate having to take it so easy. Dh can only do so much and I want things to be somewhat presentable when my parents arrive tomorrow.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I'm thinking its definatly the sex ! Irritated cervix ! Is your scan this Tuesday ?


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, my scan is on Tuesday. We didn't actually DTD but I did, er, enjoy myself and I do know that orgasms can aggravate things. With my son I was on complete pelvic rest so no orgasms. Made it tough because I kept getting preggo sexy dreams where I would orgasm in my sleep. I'd wake up with horrible cramps and fresh bleeding.

I really have this sinking feeling that things are not going well. I can't shake it. :(


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I can't tell you how many times I had that exact same sinking feeling. I know you want to trust your instinct and just call it another failed pregnancy but I have been wrong every time this pregnancy. I can't say for sure if you are wrong as well but try to stay positive and believe in your baby.

afm: I'm almost to 13 weeeks but I can't figure out when exactly I am out of 1st tri. If I go by "what to expect" then I'll be out on tuesday. If I go by other calendars, I'll be out the second I hit 14 weeks, ie. a full week later. I guess it doesn't matter but I wish there was some agreement.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - you're probably right. It definitely feels easier to just give up and say things are failed. Hope takes work. I just wish I felt more pregnant (besides feeling sick). Though I have to say that my sickness is definitely going down. I still need Gravol to control it but it's more like sea sickness with some gagginess now. No more death wishes. Of course, I worry about the easing sickness even as I am relieved. But my sickness left really early with DS too.

Yeah, it's hard to tell when second tri starts. With my son my doctor started counting at 14 weeks and so did the hospital. 13 weeks is such a grey zone in pregnancy.


----------



## Topanga053

I second Red. It's amazing how much we want to trust our instincts as mothers and think we know what's going on with our babies and our bodies, but oh my goodness, are we wrong so often! How many times in the TWW were you convinced that that was the month, just to have AF show up? Or been convinced that you were out, just to get a BFP? It's crazy that there aren't alarm bells that go off when we're pregnant or when the pregnancy isn't going well, but there aren't. And so often those "feelings" are just the product of our own fear! Like Red, I've been convinced that things were going wrong, only to get to a scan and see a healthy baby! I pray the same is true for you, Starry!! You've got all of us rooting for you and that little bean!!!


----------



## Topanga053

PS- complete pelvic rest might kill me. I think I would be a basket case if I had to go months without an orgasm!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Complete pelvic rest is really, really hard and dh and I broke that every once in awhile though we never technically DTD. Even so, it was still really tough on the marriage. DH was very understanding and in agreement because he was just as eager to keep our baby alive but not being able to take that time for each other made us start to feel like roommates and not partners, if that makes sense. We did get lifted off of pelvic rest but only a month later I was so big and swollen nothing was getting in there. lol

My parents are here now so looking forward to the visit especially as I"m not so sick day and night anymore. And last night my mom pointed out I didn't know what a normal pregnancy felt like because I haven't had one yet. Really, I have no real reason to think it's over other than my previous history. I don't have any negative signs outside of the rare, minimal brown spotting and even that is barely a reason to be concerned.

How is everyone else doing? Anyone starting to work on their nursery yet? We already have a nursery so our project for this pregnancy will be to get DS' "big boy" room ready for him.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well I gave in and bought 2 pair of maternity jeans today with some tee shirts and a sweater :) I'm so comfy right now and they show of my little growing bump quite nicely lol!!! Will get oh to take a photo later and post . Tried to do,it myself but disaster all I ended up with was fingers !! 

I'm thinking navy, cream and duck egg blue for my nursery , will get cracking on it after I've reached the 24 weeks mark ! After Tuesday only one week to go :) I'm very excited thinking about it :) I need to start writing a list !!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Aww Left, what pretty colors!!! And maternity clothes are awesome. I switched to maternity jeans quite awhile ago just for comfort. Now I'm in mostly maternity office clothes too because my regular clothes don't or barely fit anymore. I didn't realize how many tight dresses, skirts, and pants I wore to work until I got pregnant! 

DH and I are building, so we painted Lauren's room a light salmon pink. The nursery theme is going to be the Lion King and my mom has already bought her some Lion King stuff.


----------



## rayraykay

Starry- I am looking forward to your scan on Tuesday. I think it's going to go very well. :hugs: 

Red- I wasn't sure when to call myself officially in the 2nd trimester either. 13 weeks tho... that's awesome. You've come so far and I am so happy for you!! 

Left I am so glad you got some maternity clothes! Once I started wearing them I was SO MUCH more comfortable. I will actually miss my maternity clothes when I am done wearing them. All my co workers say they miss their maternity jeans when they are back in their prepregnancy ones. I believe it. Maternity jeans are commmmfy. 

I love the Lion King Topanga! We didn't go with a Lion King theme but there was a Simba blankie at babies r us so we registered for it as one of the extra blankies and we got it at our shower yesterday. It's so soft and nice.

AFM- I went to my dietician and my doctor last week. Both told me my numbers are very well controlled. Almost too controlled. They both told me to loosen up and treat myself more. Since I started monitoring it, they haven't been over 110. So yesterday at my shower I treated myself to some m and ms and a mini cupcake. Still, an hour later my number was 78. I even tried to raise it! I guess I can relax a little, this isn't an extreme case of GD whatsoever, and it really is just my placenta that has made this happen. My doctor said she would be shocked if I had type 2 after this. I can now be thankful for what this has taught me, a healthier way to eat that will help me lose the baby weight (although I am not at all worried about that now.) I won't end up gaining as much either which, also not something I was ever concerned about. (Just really trying to find positive things about this situation.)

We have started on her nursery- DH painted the walls a soft but sunny yellow with a grey/blue accent wall. We are going with a jungle animals theme. We have the furniture just need to decorate now. It's fun putting it together, makes things more real.


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, I love all those nursery ideas! I am imagining them in my head and they all look so pretty. We have a Peter Rabbit/Beatrix Potter nursery with soft yellow walls. Even though it's done already, my mom said she'll get me a few more pieces for the room for the new baby. She has a cross stitch pattern book for Peter Rabbit so she is going to make a decorative pillow with the Flopsy Bunnies on it. I already have two framed cross stitch pictures of Peter Rabbit and Benjamin Bunny. I had always wanted a nursery that was 1) NOT Winnie the Pooh and 2)Gender Neutral so I didn't have to redecorate every time (I came up with the idea when I was still hoping for 4 kids)

Ray - you are doing such a great job managing your GD. It's really impressive how well you're doing. And I think there is lots of hope you won't have type 2 afterwards. On another thread I'm in, a girl had GD during her pregnancy and 2 weeks after her baby was born she was already back to normal.


----------



## rayraykay

I LOVE Peter Rabbit Starry. That's awesome. I also went with a more gender neutral theme.. one because I am not super into pink myself (Sloane can make up her own mind hahaha) and two because if we end up having a boy second it would be nice not to have to buy a whole bunch of new stuff! It sounds like your LO's room will be beautiful!

Thank you for the support Starry. This has been frustrating to say the least, I am just trying to find different ways to make it better. I am just really hoping since I am 25, not overweight, no family history, etc, that I will be like the woman in your other thread and this will go away after my placenta is out. Both my OB and dietician are confident that this will be the case. I am just trying not to think that I could be binging on Halloween candy and enjoying myself, ha ha. I guess that isn't good for me anyway :( but it still sucks. The one time in my life I was more willing to treat myself.... and alas... life had other plans.


I am so sorry for the rant. I hope everyone is having a beautiful Monday.

Hey Starry isn't it Thanksgiving today? Happy Thanksgiving!


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving but we had forgotten to buy some important ingredients and the stores were closed so we'll be having our turkey dinner tonight. I hope the scan gives us an extra reason to be thankful!

I am so nervous I'm having panic attacks. I can't get on the computer much with my parents here so I might not be able to update until tomorrow.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I'm thinking of you!


----------



## Topanga053

Ditto!!!


----------



## rayraykay

Thinking of you starry.. I hope it goes well today.


----------



## Left wonderin

Thinking of you xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I just got back and everything is perfect!!! The baby is measuring a day ahead of the dates I was guessing and it had a heart beat of 174. :cloud9::cloud9: And there are no signs of clots or bleeds in the womb.....a first for me!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry Night said:


> I just got back and everything is perfect!!! The baby is measuring a day ahead of the dates I was guessing and it had a heart beat of 174. :cloud9::cloud9: And there are no signs of clots or bleeds in the womb.....a first for me!!!

I just had to take abig deep breath in when I saw you had posted :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

I could not be happier right now . YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9:

OMG never never mind me how are you feeling ? How did you get through waiting for the scan ??????? I am so so so so so so so so so happy right now , 
Here is to a SUPERGLUE BEANIE , and on Angel day , your little ones were looking down on you both xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I'm so, so happy and relieved. But I also have a major headache and I can feel myself start to succumb to the evening sickness. At least I now know that the sickness is worth it.

As soon as the technician said "it looks like we won't need a vaginal ultrasound today" I knew things were OK. I was so nervous that I had been babbling non stop. I just wouldn't shut up! And then afterwards, I was so happy and excited I still wouldn't shut up. I think I told the technician my whole life story. LOL DH is thrilled too, especially as it's not twins.


----------



## Topanga053

OMG Starry, I am so thrilled for you!!!!!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

I got so nervous when I saw you had posted!! I am SO, SO happy that it's such good news!!!! Whew!!! :happydance: 

Like Left pointed out, I love the timing! It's like all of your angels were looking down on this special day and helping out their mom and their little brother or sister! :kiss: 

Now go RELAX and ENJOY yourself!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I am so happy I've got tears in my eyes. You deserve this! :wohoo:


----------



## rayraykay

OH MYYYYYYY GOOOODDDDNNNEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS STARRYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so ridiculously thrilled. I am so incredibly happy for you. Wow. You deserve this so much and I am so so happy for you. 174! That's a good strong heartbeat.

I am so happy for you, this has made my day, for real. 

xoxoxoxo :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

And enjoy every second of that sickness now !!!!!!! Its the SUPERGLUE :) !!!!!!!!!!!! Oh I really am so so happy , is it possible to be this happy for someone you never met ??????? 

Lol well I am for both you and DH :) xxxxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I'm just so thrilled! I had to say it another time. But I'd also like to say my heart breaks for Cary and Susie and Skyes because they aren't able to join in our enthusiasm. Ladies we are still rooting for you! Your time will come. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Red I was thinking that too about the girls and how hard it is waiting :( I am going to say a special prayer to the man upstairs that it is their time very soon xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

:happydance: Starry..... :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
That is such wonderful news...


I have been praying for a beautiful princess for you!! I'm so excited....


----------



## skyesmom

Starryyyy!!!!!!!!!!! Starry these are the best Angel Day news ever!!!!

CONGRATSSS!! as Left said, cheers to the SUPERGLUE BEAN!!! so so happy for you!!!!

:happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance: :happydance:

and sure i may not share a rainbow pregnancy with all you lovely girls right now, but enthusiasm for such a great great life changing news, well that i can share for sure!!!

oh Starry i wish i was there to give you a hug!!!

and to all of you rainbow mommies!!!


----------



## skyesmom

and Red and Left: thanks for your support and your rooting and all your lovely energy and prayers! maybe the weatherman from above does send some rainbows to us too soon!! and when he does you will know asap!!


----------



## anchor08

Starry, I am so glad to hear about your good news! My computer was giving me issues so I haven't been able to check in for about a week, so just read and got caught up. I have to admit, I was seriously skimming to get through quickly and make sure everyone was okay!

I'm doing a little better with the pain...it's easing up just a little bit and I'm getting better at handling it (both by taking it easy and by not being as frustrated!). I have this weird looking microwave heating pack that curves around the bottom of my stomach and then has two "wings" that wrap around the inside of my hips...very sexy, let me tell you! But it's my new best friend.

My last appointment was 34+2 and baby girl was definitely breech, so I started going into overdrive on spinning babies exercises, hot and cold packs, chiropractor, and HypnoBabies track for turning the baby. Nothing seemed to help at first, but a few days ago I could tell that she was transverse (I could feel the head in the same place as before, but now the back and bum were across on the other side) which I guess can be an intermediate phase for turning. Now I'm not entirely sure...but she might be head down, so I don't know what to do! The movements and kicks I'm getting are confusing me. I go to the midwife in a week and I don't want to lose all that time not doing something if she is still breech. Feeling more relaxed though -- the doctor said at 34+2 that she didn't have a lot of space and her feet were straight out so he wasn't optimistic about her turning, and he tried to turn her manually (ouch!) and she wouldn't budge, but I've felt enough big movement in the last few days that I'm confident she has room, she just needs to figure out what to do.

Sorry for writing a book, but this has been consuming my attention for a while now! I REALLY want to have a vaginal birth, so this is very important to me at the moment. Bottom line though, she's healthy and growing well so we'll be okay either way!


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor my nieces baby was transverse till 36 weeks then she woke up one evening feeling her belly would burst ! Low and behold the next morning her shape had changed and baby moved :) head down ! Hoping the same happens for you xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, ladies, you are all so sweet.:cry::hugs:

anchor - Getting close to the end now! I know several people who had breach babies that turned just in the nick of time. I hope your little one is on the verge of turning herself over. But as you said, however she arrives, she is healthy and you'll be so happy to have her in your arms. The actual birth is such a small part of the joys of motherhood. The details become blurry after awhile. All you will really remember is seeing your little one's face for the first time.:cloud9:


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor I really I hope she turned. And I think it's about time for a bump picture before it's too late :). Are you doing the full hypnobabies course or are you just using the turning track? I've got the home study hypnobabies course and I'll be curious how things go for you if you do use their techniques.


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - how are you doing? Any word on if the baby has turned or not?

rayray - I hope you're starting to feel a bit better about everything and even treating yourself from time to time.

red - have you reached second tri yet? I'm not exactly sure when you reach 14 weeks.

afm - I am hoping my sickness is finally lifting. Just 3 days ago it seemed to be getting worse and worse but now I'm on my second day in a row where it has been quite manageable. So far I've only taken 1 Gravol today. I may take a second yet as evening is generally a bad time for me. But it seems the sickness is being taken over by extreme tiredness and as long as I take naps and rests I can keep the sickness under control. Still picky about what I eat though and lots of smells make me gag.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry you remind me why I am so glad to be past that phase. I hated feeling tired and icky all the time. I am in my 2nd trimester according to What to Expect. I'm 13 weeks and 3 days which means I'm in my 14th week. It feels good to have made it this far. I never thought I would. Now I'm just impatient to pass time to get to the point where I can feel baby move. I've dreamed of that day for so long I'm just not sure what I'll do when it happens.


----------



## Topanga053

Aww Red, I can't wait for you to feel movement either. I felt some tiny, tiny flutters around 14 weeks, so you could start noticing small things relatively soon. Like you, I always wondered what it felt like and how I would feel if I ever actually got to feel it. At first they were so small my biggest reaction was to second guess myself about whether they were really baby or not, even though they were. Now that the kicks are bigger and there's no question, it's an awesome feeling. Usually I talk to her once or twice a day telling her to kick me more!! :haha: I wish I could feel it all the time!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red I second Topanga :) its the most wonderful feeling . For me it was around 16 weeks where when sitting watching tv in the evenings I would feel " popping " in my belly . Much like air moving around . I started to get suspicious it was something else when it developed a pattern and happened at the same time every night . I second guessed myself for about 2 weeks and then low and behold they got stronger . :) its so exciting I can't wait for you to feel it . Its such a comfort :) oh and another worry when its not happening lol..........


----------



## Starry Night

I like when the baby is still a bit smaller and you can feel it roll around. It's like those balls in a massage chair. Once the baby gets bigger the rolling gets a bit uncomfy. My son also had the hiccups all the time. That was pretty funny. The worst was near the end when he'd bang away at my cervix like a jackhammer. Oi. LOL He treated it like his own personal trampoline. Once he was head down it was even worse....especially on bumpy country roads. I made dh putter along barely above idling speeds otherwise I'd burst into tears. But maybe that's why I only went 4 days overdue with my first.

I am really hoping this is my rainbow. I am anxious to feel a baby move inside of me again.


----------



## anchor08

Well, I'm pretty confused both by the movement I'm feeling and by what I can feel from the outside, I don't know what way she's positioned now! Trying to stay hopeful though. I know that even if she's not turned right at this appointment and they schedule me for a c-section it could still happen later on, it would just be so nice if she would do it now.

Red, I bought mp3s and an ebook from Natal Hypnotherapy, which is a British version of similar ideas/techniques to Hypnobabies. It was highly recommended on here and not too expensive so I decided to try it. Then I got the turning baby track from Hypnobabies, so I've been able to compare a little bit. They're quite similar in content -- the guided relaxation at the beginning of the tracks are almost exactly alike, and then the rest of it is different but mostly just that they're for different things (overall birth prep vs. turning baby). 

I have to say, I'm really impressed with both of them -- I figured it couldn't hurt to try, but I wasn't really expecting much (especially since I thought I would find them weird and would have to get over that). The first time I listened to the turning baby one, I felt so relaxed especially in my uterus that I could tell there was lots more space for her to move, and I could feel a lot of movement at that time and afterwards. I think it will help a lot for labor pain as well, though I need to practice more.


----------



## RedWylder

I've heard from all the midwives I've spoken with that hypnobirth mom's are always far calmer during labor. I've been practicing (not very regularly) since 11ish weeks. I'm hoping I'll be super good at the techniques by the time 3rd trimester rolls around. My sister also found that in listening to the hypnosis tracks allowed her to sleep well in 3rd tri when with her first kid she hardly slept at all during this time. If you're still having a hard time being comfortable, you might try falling asleep with one of the tracks playing.

afm: I've been working on my halloween announcement photo for facebook. I originally wasn't going to do anything special but then I had this great halloween idea. The final picture will be lit with candles and it will be night time. Pumpkin one= man, pumpkin two= preggo woman and baby, pumpkin three (not pictured)= dog, pumpkin four=announcement. What do you think?

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo2_zps6eecb2fa.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

Looks wonderful! I'd love to see a photo of the final product. That is such a creative idea.

afm - last night I had the worst nightmare about miscarrying. It felt so, so real except I couldn't scream out for help. It was so detailed and gory and when I woke up I was convinced I'd find it was all over. It wasn't, but I have been cramping all night. I think my IBS is flaring up and I know I haven't been drinking enough but it's still scary. The dream upset me so much I almost woke up DH in the middle of the night. It's hard not to take it as a 'sign' even though I know it's silly.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry your subconcious is just playing out your fears while your asleep ! Its not a sign ........ The only real sign you got was seeing your LO all cosy inside and seeing his\her heart beating :) your doing so well :)))) and your ticker is moving along really quickly !!!!


----------



## rayraykay

That's a super cute announcement Red, I love it! 

Starry I had many dreams about miscarrying during this pregnancy too. It was horrific and so so hard to wake up from.. then have to go on during the day constantly thinking of it- I am so sorry. Dreams can be so real. But remember- it's not. It's not reality. Your baby is inside of you, heart beating, getting stronger every day.


----------



## Topanga053

Happy turnover day!! And for Left and I, yay for viability!!! :happydance:

Red, that is an ADORABLE announcement!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Congrats on reaching viability, Topanga and Left!!!:happydance: That is such a huge milestone.

Thanks for the encouraging words, ladies. I keep getting sicker so I would like to think that the hormones are still increasing. And I think I'm starting to see signs of a proper bump forming. It's still below the belt line so I mostly just look fat. I think I'm going to need new maternity pants though because with my son I got the ones with the panels that went up over the belly and this time, so far, I HATE having anything over my belly. It hurts so much. I might have to get the ones that tuck in under the bump.


----------



## anchor08

Congratulations on turnover day, so glad everyone is moving along nicely!

I went to the midwife yesterday and the baby was still definitely head up, so I got the gynae to squeeze me in today to try an external version (turning her manually from the outside). It hurt but not nearly as much as at the last appointment -- I knew what to expect, really focused on relaxing, used my hypnobabies breathing, etc. I also knew it wouldn't last long because either it would work or it wouldn't and he wasn't going to force like crazy if she wasn't cooperating. 

It didn't work, her legs were still stretched out straight so she was a bit wedged, but the doctor is willing to try again in a week, so I'm still holding out hope and I'll keep doing all the crazy upside-down stuff!


----------



## Starry Night

Uh-oh, anchor. Looks like you have a stubborn little lady on your hands. Naughty baby! I hope the next appointment will get her turned and on her head.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry how are you feeling almost 9 weeks already :) where did that go !!! Are you still resting and sick ? 

Anchor the little minx , she obviously doesn't like being upside down !!! Guessing she won't be any good at headstands ;) seriously though I'm hoping she move very soon xxxxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Yay Starry!!!! I am still so happy that this little one is looking like a sticky fella. 9 weeks?! Gosh that seems to have gone by fast.

I'm 14 weeks 1 day. I'm so impatient now to feel the baby. I don't feel preggo right now because I feel great, lol. I feel energetic and more like myself. I guess I didn't quite realize how tired and icky I felt until it was gone. What a relief.

Anchor, I'm really bummed that she's still breech. I wish people were still trained in breech births because they can actually be quite manageable but our healthcare system doesn't train on them anymore.


----------



## Starry Night

Well, I'm glad my pregnancy is going by quickly for everyone else. LOL For me it's still dragging though it is starting to go a bit faster. And yes, I'm still pretty much useless. Feeling quite sick though Gravol takes away the worst of it.

Red - I was 16 weeks when I first felt DS so maybe you'll be feeling yours soon. I know I'm really hoping to feel this baby early again. Other than feeling sick I don't really feel pregnant either. I certainly don't look it. 

All the reassurance from my scan is quickly evaporating and it's another 2 weeks to my first OB appointment.


----------



## skyesmom

Starry you are doing great!! 9 weeks!!! this IS your sticky one!!! and Topanga and Left congratulations on viability!!! so so happy for you ladies!

anchor, i hope she does a flip soon! i read breech babies can be safely delivered in standing squat where the body is working together with gravity to bring the baby down, and the assisting people interfere the least possible with the process.. maybe you can still get informed on this thoroughly? maybe she decides to turn more eagerly when she hears what her options are :)

hugs to all of you!


----------



## Starry Night

How is everyone doing? Right now we're visiting the in-laws. The 9 hour drive was something I had worried about but it was rather uneventful. The Gravol worked that day so I wasn't too sick and we stopped every hour so I could get out and walk around a bit.

I did have a bit of a scare yesterday. I was feeling so crampy and I felt all this pressure pushing down on my cervix and it didn't let up for at least an hour. I imagined I had this "I have to get this out" feeling that mimicked how I feel just before a miscarriage. I had a bit of freak-out and DH had to work all his magic powers to get me to settle down (he is the only person on the planet who can talk me out of a panic attack...one of the qualities that made me know I wanted to marry him). It turned out my IBS was flaring up. I had some awful diarrhea and went to the bathroom about 3 or 4 times in a hour. The pressure finally let up after that. When I have to go to the bathroom it can really feel heavy like I do before AF. 

I hate being pregnant after multiple losses!! At least I'm starting to notice the teeniest of bumps. I can still do up my jeans but it's very uncomfortable so I just loop an elastic through and leave the fly undone.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> How is everyone doing? ...
> I did have a bit of a scare yesterday. I was feeling so crampy and I felt all this pressure pushing down on my cervix and it didn't let up for at least an hour. I imagined I had this "I have to get this out" feeling that mimicked how I feel just before a miscarriage. I had a bit of freak-out and DH had to work all his magic powers to get me to settle down

Starry, :hugs: So sorry you had that experience, but glad your DH was there to calm you down. I had a similar experience yesterday. The last few days I've noticed that when I walk around after going pee, I feel like I *ahem* peed myself. I wasn't initially worried because I figured I just hadn't completely emptied my bladder, even if I thought I had, and that Lauren was just pushing on it. Anyway, I made the mistake of trying to confirm this with Dr. Google, where the first thing I found was leaking amniotic fluid. So then naturally I freaked the hell out, wondering if it was just pee or amniotic fluid. Good old DH was there to hug me and tell me everything was ok. Like you, my DH is really the only one who can calm me down when it comes to PAL fears.

Anyway, I am much less freaked out this morning. I don't notice it any time other than when I've gone pee and I have also noticed that if I stay on the toilet longer, there is usually a little bit more that trickles out, even after I think I'm done. I've never had this before, so I'm assuming it's just a normal part of pregnancy messing with your bladder??? 

How is everyone else today??


----------



## rayraykay

Starry and Topanga I totally understand. I worry myself constantly, I have to tell myself all the time to relax and try to find comfort when she moves (which is all the time she's very active... thank goodness.) I am so sorry Starry- it's so cruel because we have had losses before, cramps are so worrisome. I would imagine women who haven't experienced a loss don't freak over them so badly. It's so extremely hard not to, but I truly believe this is your sticky bean.

Topanga I have the same problem. I never feel like I get all my pee out and sometimes it feels like I pee myself! hahahaha it's so funny yet embarrassing. Definitely just sitting on the toilet for a few seconds longer works quite well for me too.

Red did you post your announcement on facebook? So cute.

Anchor... so close! How is your baby girl?

AFM- still controlling GD to a T. Had an appt with my OB on Friday, she once again told me to ease up a little bit. It's hard to do for me tho, because I want birth to be vaginal and as natural as possible. I am a petite woman, so if the baby was much over 9 pounds, I would probably need a C-section. Baby is still measuring perfect, I haven't had one out of range reading. Not even close. My doctor has no concern for this going on after I deliver the placenta, I have no precursors. Especially since my numbers have been so in range. This is totally hormonal for me. It's unfortunate there's such a stigma attached to GD, yes it is a pain to deal with at times but it also promotes a healthy pregnancy. I actually feel much better than I did before. The fears and ideas people have about it only happen when GD is uncontrolled or undetected. 

I am just focusing on a healthy happy birth that results in a happy healthy baby. I hope everyone is doing well!


----------



## RedWylder

I haven't posted it yet. I'm waiting for Halloween day. Lately I've been really impatient. It annoys me how not pregnant I feel and look. I have been checking the heart beat about every other day and it always surprises me that it's there and there's a baby in me. I am anxious to get to 20 weeks and feel movement and have a bump.

Glad to hear everyone is still doin ok.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hello everyone :) well I did a little shopping for baby today , I bought a changing unit , a crib and a nursing chair . Oh and a baby bouncer . I have also ordered lots of stuff for the nursery on line . Waiting for it all to be delivered . Our postman is going toto busy lol......... 

Decided. On a nursery theme and am so exited about it . I lovvvve Tatty Teddy. Nursery will be more for me than baby lol.... My little sanctuary ..... Am painting the walls peacock blue on top ( warm powder blue) and soft grey on the bottom . Have ordered a border of wonderful tatty teddies . Waiting for it all to arrive . Don't want to put it all together yet as feel its way too early !!! Ill only drive myself mad . But shopping with my fingers was all I could do when I was out of action for a few days with a groin strain ;) that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it !


----------



## Starry Night

Sounds lovely, Left! But what exactly are "tatty" teddies? Is it a line of specific characters? Or a style of teddies? I'm imagining the old-fashioned style of teddy bears. I love those.

Red - I understand the impatience. I'm a few weeks behind you and I'm already saying to myself, "Bump, where are you? Baby, I want to feel you!" Hopefully, you will feel your little baby kicking you soon.

Ray - glad to hear your doctor is so optimistic about the GD going away shortly after delivery. I hope you can get the birth you want.

Topanga - I worried about leaking amniotic fluid all the time with my son. It didn't help that half the articles I read said amniotic fluid is clear and odourless while the other half said it was slightly coloured and had a distinct scent. And I had read a lot of articles! Drove me batty. I was so glad that I was having scans every other week and the doctor always mentioned they were measuring the fluid levels and that they were fine. Maybe you could ask your doctor about it at your next visit. I'm sure things are fine though. Leaking fluids doesn't seem overly common.

afm - feeling a little more positive today. Trying to hold on to my appointment next week.


----------



## anchor08

Starry Night said:


> I hate being pregnant after multiple losses!! At least I'm starting to notice the teeniest of bumps. I can still do up my jeans but it's very uncomfortable so I just loop an elastic through and leave the fly undone.

It's fun to have to do something about it, it's happening! Do you have belly bands as well or will you jump straight into maternity clothes?



Topanga053 said:


> I have also noticed that if I stay on the toilet longer, there is usually a little bit more that trickles out, even after I think I'm done. I've never had this before, so I'm assuming it's just a normal part of pregnancy messing with your bladder???

I think it must be, I get the same thing. It's crazy the things our bodies do! These days my stomach will rumble and it's coming from such a weird place because everything's squished up in my rib cage, it makes me laugh!



rayraykay said:


> AFM- still controlling GD to a T. I actually feel much better than I did before. The fears and ideas people have about it only happen when GD is uncontrolled or undetected.

Good for you for keeping it so well controlled! I had an abnormal sugar level at my last appointment so my midwife advised me to change my diet as if I had GD just in case, but it was normal again today so I think I'm okay...but I'm craving sweet things all the time, so it hasn't been easy even for a short time. I really admire people like you who manage it for months. And you're right, it's a very healthy way to eat in any case.



RedWylder said:


> I haven't posted it yet. I'm waiting for Halloween day. Lately I've been really impatient. It annoys me how not pregnant I feel and look. I have been checking the heart beat about every other day and it always surprises me that it's there and there's a baby in me. I am anxious to get to 20 weeks and feel movement and have a bump.
> 
> Glad to hear everyone is still doin ok.

It's really hard to wait, especially for movement! I hope that starts very soon for you. As for the bump...don't hold your breath just in case -- I barely showed until 28 weeks, and even from 28-33 or so it was subtle, so if you knew I was pregnant you could see it but if you didn't know you wouldn't necessarily guess that I was. It was a little annoying, but kind of a fun secret too. :)



Left wonderin said:


> Hello everyone :) But shopping with my fingers was all I could do when I was out of action for a few days with a groin strain ;) that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it !

 Ouch, I hope it gets better soon! It's tricky the way the hormones mess with our joints -- I was feeling great and exercising a lot and then all of a sudden injured the ligaments in my hips and was in lots of pain and could barely walk. It's a little better now, though I have pelvic pain as well so I can't do a lot. If the weather warms up a bit I can swim in the ocean, but it's pretty cold and makes me tight, so slightly counterproductive.

And the latest over here...had another external version today and it was not successful -- the doctor was able to move her part way but she was too stuck to get all the way over. Argh. We went to the hospital and did all the pre-admission paperwork (and got the ball rolling on insurance authorisation) for a c-section on the 12th, which will be 39+3. It's so frustrating, but both my gynaecologist and my midwife (they have separate practices but he acts as backup for her patients) said that for a first baby it is much more risky (particularly for the baby) to try a vaginal breech delivery and my husband also wants to go with their recommendation. I know there's still a very small chance she will turn on her own, so I'm hoping for that. I can't be happy about the c-section, but I will be okay if that's where we end up.


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor sounds like your LO is wedged in there tight and too comfy to move !!!! Maybe she still will there is still time . If she doesn't I guess the 12th it is :) is it exciting or terrifying ??? A C-section wouldn't be first on my list of wishes either but I've kinda excepted from the begining that how baby comes is something I have zero control over !! No more than I had control at the begining of this journey and life I ain't at how the decide to make their entrance into this world !! Keep focused at the prize at the end xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Anchor - I am sorry it seems you won't be getting the birth you want. At least you know your little girl is almost here. There is a definite end in sight! I think your LO is going to be the first "on the road" baby to be born.

afm - another gross day. I don't even want to think about how I'd feel without the Gravol. Still getting awful, awful and scary cramps whenever I have a BM. And DH has this cold that just keeps coming back. It's been over a month now. I have a friend who is struggling with this too. I'm really hoping I don't catch it!!

I'm making a 'real' dinner tonight. I'm looking forward to it and hope I can eat the veggies cooked inside. Ooh, the oven buzzer is going so it's ready now! :)


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor! You mean to tell me you might have this baby in less than 2 weeks and you still haven't shared a bump photo??? WOMAN! Get on that. :)


----------



## RedWylder

Today is the big day. I am "coming out" at work and on facebook today. I just posted the following image and message.

1. Happy Halloween! 2. It is with many emotions that I bring to you this news. Over the past year and a half Ben and I have supported each other through 2 miscarriages that at some times felt like it would break us. Alas, many storms end in rainbows. And I could not be happier that my rainbow seems to have finally come. (see image below)

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/jackobabyfacebook-2_zps3f9fb538.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

Red - those pumpkins turned out fantastic! I'm sure everyone is going to be so super happy for you.

afm - 10 weeks! I'm in double digits!! Hokey Smokes, didn't think I'd get this far without problems. See the OB next week and I really hope we get to hear a heart beat!!


----------



## skyesmom

wow Red!!! your pumpkins look amazing and your message is so touching!!!! i am sure you will get quite some emotional responses there!!

and Starry!!! YAY to 10 weeks with no problems!!!!! so so happy for you!!! this is your sticky one!! <3 <3 <3 <3


----------



## Starry Night

I'm getting really nervous for my appointment on Wednesday. Last night I had two separate dreams that the OB told me the baby had died. In both dreams I realized I had to face my SiL's new baby with two lost babies during her pregnancy. In both dreams I just cried and cried and knew I'd never have another baby. It was horrible. :cry::cry::cry:


----------



## rayraykay

Nice pumpkins red!!! I love them! I am sure you will get overwhelming support from your family and friends.

Starry I am so sorry about the dreams but I have faith you little one is nice and snug in there. It's SO HARD to separate dreams from reality especially when our hormones make dreams so crazy intense. Everything is gonna be alright :)


----------



## rayraykay

And also I hope everyone had a happy Halloween :haha:
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 44 KB
Views: 7


----------



## RedWylder

bwhahaha Rayray that's awesome! Did you go around like this? Starry I'm sure your LO is fine. I had a dream last night that I started bleeding. It was scary and thankfully never really happened. Dreams are so unnerving and frustrating. Hang in there.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ray how cool and cute is that . Certainly one for the scrapbooks ;) you also look FANTASTIC , ALL bump no Blubber :) your a walking advertisement for GD lol...........


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry a dream is just that.......... A dream althought I'm sure upsetting . I hate the ones where you can shake the feeling after waking :( AFM have increasingly frequent heartburn , my boy will be born with hair like Sampson ;) I'm also feeling more emotional theses days . The smallest things make me teary and that not me at all !!!!! Bloody hormones !! I nearly ended up in tears over a split shopping bag ........


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, ladies. I know they were just dreams but they come from a place of real anxiety so I've just been feeling upset all day. :( I had been praying and hoping for a 'boring' pregnancy and I guess I'm getting one which means this early I have no real clue what is going on in there. With my son I had so many ultrasounds that I was up to date on how he was doing. My boobs have really started to hurt again and my pants keep getting tighter so hoping these are all good signs.

Ray - that is funny. That pumpkin looks like he's a little surprised to be there. lol

Left - my hormones have started to kick in too. Before I was too sick but now I'm tearing up over the stupidest things. I had loads of heart burn with my son and he definitely had a head full of hair. When I had my last scan at 34 weeks you could even see it bobbing around. ha ha


----------



## skyesmom

haha rayray you made me crack up!!! that's aaaaawesome!! and u look a-mazing!! i'd never ever tell u ever had a minute of GD!!!

starry, so sorry u have to go through these nightmares... of course the anxiety you feel is real, but those are just dreams... and your LO is all perfectly safe in there you'll see!!! this is your forever baby!! hang in there!! can't wait for wednessday so you can spam us with your perfect scan pics!!

:hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

I don't know if I'll get a scan. My former OB back in my old province gave me a scan on first visit but I don't know what this OB will do. In Canada the only routine ultrasound is at 20 weeks. Really, I am hoping it's not too early to hear a heart beat on a doppler. It will be so tough if I have to wait another 4 weeks to get any sort of reassurance.

I do think I can feel the top of my uterus peeking out from my pubic bone but it's hard for me to know what is what.


----------



## skyesmom

i think you should really mention your previous history with some extra weight on and insist on how crucial it is for your mental well-being to get some reassurance due to it.
explain them that the wait is agonizing for you and that they would really set your mind at ease even if it's only for some days. doctors are there to take care of your HEALTH, be it physical or mental. after my experience with my losses, i learned how to demand that.


----------



## Starry Night

I'm thinking she should be aware of my history. This is the OB who did my m/c testing this summer. And out here, you don't see the OB until you're about 7 or 8 months so the fact she's willing to see me at 10 weeks (my GP referred me early due to my history) means I'm hopeful she'll be understanding.


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry for the double post but also wanted to add that I am worried about DS and his possibly having 5th Disease (slapped cheek syndrome). He's had a rash around his mouth for a little while but he has sensitive skin so we dismissed it (and that doesn't seem to be a sign of 5th disease) but yesterday we noticed a very fine rash appearing all over his body and this afternoon he now has bright red cheeks. It's the weekend so there isn't really anything we can do other than wait for Monday but it's nerve-wracking as it can also be bad for my unborn baby. And if it's not 5th disease, I can't figure out what it is. He's getting over a cold so it could be viral (it is not bothering him) but still...so stressful!


----------



## skyesmom

oh starry many many viruses have skin as their secondary target tissue, meaning people come up with rashes all over the place once the main flu reaction passes! so if he just is coming off flu and generally has sensitive skin, it could as well be the case.


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. I think that is what it is. He normally gets a rash after a cold (he is getting over one) and his skin is very sensitive. He often gets a rash around his mouth after eating something dribbly and I thought it was allergies but his doctor said it was just sensitive skin. My sister was like that growing up but it has turned out she is allergic to everything. We just never found out until she was in her teens. We were all lucky she naturally hated nuts and never ate them as it turned out she was severely allergic!!

Anyways, DS woke up this morning with a clear face. He still has a faint, faint body rash but it does seem viral. It doesn't bother him a bit so we've decided to let it go. He's probably going to get a nasty diaper rash soon though. He gets those so badly after a cold. Hope it stops once he is potty trained.


----------



## skyesmom

ah glad to hear it is subsiding! sounds like a viral thing to me now even more! well i'm happy to hear that :)))) oh starry you've been managing this so so well, i'm so proud of u and your DH!!!
you two are two rocks!!!!! can't wait to hear how your scan went!!! :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry is your scan today ?? If so best of luck with it :)


----------



## Topanga053

Morning ladies!

Starry- I'm so glad DS's rash is going away and hope it's not as serious as you feared! I'm sure it's nothing.

Afm, the left side of my left ankle has been mysteriously swollen/painful for the last few days. Saturday the swelling started spreading to my foot, so I saw a doctor. She's not completely sure what it is because it isn't textbook anything. Her best guess is cellulitis (a bacterial infection), but a clot was mentioned as a possibility, especially since I'm pregnant. I'm sure it's no big deal, but I made the mistake of researching both things thoroughly on Dr. Google ( you'd think I'd have learned after last time!!!!!) and it's a little scary that both conditions can be potentially serious/fatal. I have anti-biotics to pick up today in case it's an infection. They're supposed to be safe during pregnancy, but they do cross the placenta and I just HATE taking drugs now, especially if they're not 100% sure that's what the problem is!


----------



## Starry Night

Yikes, Topanga! I hope it's not a blood clot. Definitely stay away from Dr Google but also definitely stay on top of your doctors. How much are they monitoring it? I don't want to scare you, but our little community was rocked a year ago when a young mum died of a blood clot in her leg that the doctors passed off as an 'infection'.

Anyways, if it is just an infection I would take the antibiotics. Some of these drugs do cross the placenta but doctors probably prescribe them because the disease is worse than the cure. Infections really do end pregnancies so it's best to treat them. I mean, you're far enough along that they would try to save the baby but it's best to keep her inside awhile longer.

But yeah, don't let your doctor brush you aside until the worst is ruled out. I'll be thinking of you!


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks Starry. As I said, it doesn't really meet all of the normal criteria for either a blood clot or an infection. She was leaning toward it not being a blood clot because of something about my veins (I think because they weren't inflamed or something like that?) and the fact that the swelling/tenderness is so centrally located over my ankle (apparently not a normal place to get symptoms of a blood clot?). 

It wasn't my normal doctor (just a walk in weekend clinic), so she's not monitoring at all, just told me to go to the ER if it got worse or I developed other symptoms and to call my regular doctor if it wasn't gone after a few days of antibiotics. But DH and I are leaving on a trip on Wednesday, so I think after all of my reading and now your story, I'm going to call my doctor to see if they can get me in and get a second opinion and maybe do some more conclusive tests. 

I really wish I could remember exactly when it developed and what was happening at the time. We've been doing a lot of work around the new house, so I can't rule out that I stepped on it wrong, although I don't remember doing that.

Anyway, hopefully my doctor can get me in and we'll see what it could be!


----------



## RedWylder

Eeck! That's a little scary but I hope with good care you'll be back to normal in no time!


----------



## skyesmom

have you dropped something heavy on your foot? or even just leaned something heavy on it? or maybe used it to shut a door or sth like that? because all those tissues are oversensitive in pregnancy as you carry extra weight, your blood circulation is higher, meaning here is generally more blood and fluids in the system and generally more water retention in the legs.. so maybe you just really hit it a little bit and instead of a small invisible lump due to the water retention now u have this? 

i think a second opinion is a great idea especially if u wanna travel! u r in my thoughts! xxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi guys had my 3d scan today . Amazing :) meet baby Sean
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 28.6 KB
Views: 5


----------



## Left wonderin

And one more
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 35.8 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, Left! Sean is so adorable!!! I love the first one. Looks like he is pouting for the camera. :haha:

Topanga - I'm realizing I maybe was only adding to your stress and worry so for that I'm sorry. I had really bad swollen ankles and feet with my son and my blood pressure was always good and fine. Sometimes it is nothing. I do think calling your doctor before your trip is a good idea though. Ruling out a blood clot for sure would help you enjoy it all the more.


----------



## RedWylder

Left!!! That is soooo cute. Sean is a handsome little guy!


----------



## Carybear

Congrats Left... what a handsome liitle man!

Topanga I hope the ankle gets better soon!


----------



## Topanga053

Left, that is adorable!!! I'm so jealous.. I wonder if I'll get a 3D one?? 

Cary- how are you??

Starry- no worries!! My primary doctor (who is amazing) also doesn't know what it is, but said there's no way it's cellulitis or a blood clot. He didn't seem worried about it at all (and like Skye suggested, asked about possible injuries, which I don't remember but we are building a house so I can't rule it out!). He just said it wrap it in an Ace bandage, ice it, and keep an eye on it. In the meantime, he's going to chat with my OB and a specialist to see if they've ever seen anythjng like it before. Lol I love being a medical mystery.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga it was a wonderful experience :) I'd recommend it :)


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - I'm glad your doctor isn't worried. Soon as you said 'blood clot' I got scared. Glad things are OK! :) 

I never went for a 3d scan for DS but during one of my many, many scans the technician asked if we wanted to see him in 3d. Of course we said 'yes'. we didn't get to keep a print out but we did get to see him. It was really neat. He looked like one of my baby photos and for the most part he does look like me.

AFM - getting close to the moment of truth and honestly, I'm freaking out!!! Only one more day and I see the OB. I'm so glad I see her first thing in the morning. Last night I finally found my uterus underneath all my flab and it seems to be nearly reaching my belly button. I think that's a good thing and I think that was my uterus. Hard to tell.

One happy note: yesterday two ladies from my church came over and cleaned house for me. I've really been struggling physically and it was so nice to have sparkling floors and bathroom and clean dishes. I had been helping with the tidying and when I started to sweep I was so achey I could have weeped and the one lady scolded me and said I wasn't allowed to do one thing. I nearly cried right then and there from relief. They also left some treats which we demolished fairly quickly. It's hard for me to accept help but yesterday showed me people are willing to help and that I really do need it. Letting go of the guilt...


----------



## Carybear

I'm good... Taking a little break, but following everyone's progress on here. It's awesome to see that everyone is doing great!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi starry , thinking of you xxxx hoping all went well at your appointment xx


----------



## skyesmom

starry love!! how did your appointment go? i hope it all went great! :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Yeah! How did it go?


----------



## Topanga053

Starry! How are there no updates?? I'm traveling and I've waited all day to be able to sign in and hear from you!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Yes , hoping and praying it was good news . A little worried she has not been on to update . Whatever way today went for you Starry know that we are here for you xxxxxx


----------



## rayraykay

I truly hope your appointment went well Starry... thinking of you today!

Cute pic Left!!! 

Hi Cary! 

Topanga so glad your doctor isn't worried. I am so glad things are okay!!!

Hope everyone else is doing well :)


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry for not updating, ladies. I figured there might be some concern at lack of updates but the city is so far away that we always make a day of it. We visited some relatives and by the time we got home I had to go straight to bed. It was 9pm and thus, past my bedtime. :sleep: (seriously, I start to throw up if I stay up later than that, Gravol or no)

The OB was really nice and listened to all of my questions and concerns but she said it was way too early to hear a heart beat with a doppler. But because of my worries she will see me again in 2 weeks instead of the standard 4. So, I don't really like that I'm still in limbo, I do appreciate she is willing to give me some extra help. She already agreed to see me at this point in the pregnancy when out here they don't tend to see you until 7 or 8 months.

My appointment is on the 18th so not quite 2 weeks to go....


----------



## RedWylder

Well that's frustrating. What she really should have said it's really early and the heartbeat is really hard to find right now. I began finding my baby's heartbeat on my own at 10 weeks so saying it's too early is a lie or at least the wrong words. She could have at least given it a try. :( Sorry you're still in limbo.

My anatomy scan is made! December 2nd is our big reveal day!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry :) thank goodness :) I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you ?? Where the heck do you live ????? Do you not get a 12 week scan as standard ?? Sounds like ya really are left to go with nature lol.......... Glad all is well though and yeah on 11 weeks :)


----------



## Starry Night

Only getting a 20 week scan is pretty standard in Canada from what I read. I used to live in Southern Ontario which is pretty much the most populated part of the country and it's the most "americanized" so the treatment there has been a bit more thorough. It's also where both of our top children's hospitals are. It was one of those that oversaw much of my pregnancy with DS. I would have been "left to nature" if not for them even with my complications. 

I'm actually getting more care than I have with my other pregnancies and my doctors are actually going above and beyond the standard care and seem to genuinely care about my fears. I haven't been belittled or blown off once. I've seen enough doctors and nurses to be able to tell when they truly care and when they don't. I'm sure if I was seeing a fertility specialist it would be more hand-holding. I mean, my gp had to lie to the hospital to get me a scan. When i went for my scan I saw the words "spotting" underneath the reason for the scan. I didn't spot! And I never told my gp that I did. She had said the hospital was giving her a hard time about booking an early scan. 

And most doctors won't check the hb before a certain point. I think the reasoning is that it is hard to find and if they don't it can cause more panic. In my case it most definitely would so when she said she wouldn't be able to find it I just accepted it and didn't push for her to try anyways. I've had it happen with DS where they couldn't find a heart beat and it just shook me.



Saying that, I hate being in limbo and I will have to pass my final loss milestone to make it to my appointment.


----------



## anchor08

I'm late to the party, but wow Left!!! Amazing pictures! And Starry, I'm sorry you couldn't get anything more from the appointment, but glad that as far as we know all is still well. You're hanging in strong.

And as I've been properly chastised, here's a picture! It's from 3 weeks ago I think, so that would be 36 weeks or so. Not my best hair day, but I think the bump looks good!
 



Attached Files:







PA180470 small.jpg
File size: 39.8 KB
Views: 8


----------



## Left wonderin

Your bump is lovely , your so neat :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Only 9 days to go !!! OMG very exciting


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor! Yay! You look so adorable and I can't believe how tiny your bump is for being at the end! Thanks for sharing. :) Now I can put a name to a face and bump.

Starry- I wasn't implying that they weren't being caring and I definitely wasn't there to catch subtle tones but I just meant that saying it's too early to find is not necessarily true but I agree it's not worth the anxiety of not finding it. I nearly gave myself a heart attack when I couldn't find my baby's heartbeat in the early weeks.

afm- I THINK I FELT BABY MOVE!!!!!!!! I was sitting in class and suddenly felt a tickling/muscle spasmy feeling in my lower left uterine area. I almost giggled in class because it tickled and I just knew what that feeling meant.


----------



## skyesmom

Red!!!! CONGRATS on feeling the first movement!!!!!! man what a great news!!

and anchor you look awesome!!!

and Starry - you are dealing with it amazingly, so proud of all your strength and you!! 10 days to go!

hugs to all of you ladies!


----------



## Starry Night

Red - that's so wonderful that you felt the baby move! It's only going to get stronger and more frequent from here on in. Enjoy every flutter. :cloud9:

And sorry for getting defensive earlier. I had found out that people have been spreading bad things about me because of my bed rest. I don't get why people take MY health issues so personally. :growlmad: The same thing happened with DS and I even had a written doctor's note that time! :dohh: It makes me wonder how they'd react if I were a cancer patient. Oh wah, wah, I'm SO sorry my medical issues are so inconvenient for you. I'll plan my next pregnancy accordingly and tell my body to be good and not to miscarry or have complications or get morning sickness. And then I'll tell my barfing phobia -- the one I've had since a baby -- to just go away.](*,)](*,)](*,)

I'm part of a committee in my church but I haven't been able to go to meetings or events because I'm so sick in the evening. I had gotten a call form the president and she said, "I know you *say* you're sick but we'd really appreciate it if you would come". Um....no??? Unless you want me barfing and/or (most likely "and") falling asleep 5 minutes into it. 

I cried all afternoon. DH is fuming but like most gossip mills, we have no clue who started it or who is all actually spreading it.


----------



## Starry Night

And achor, you look AWESOME!!! No way is that a 36 week bump. It's so perfect.

Now I'm really, really embarrassed about my body. You're all going to have to be extra nice to me to get me to post a bump photo. LOL OK, just joking, but don't expect a 'yummy mummy'. hee hee


----------



## anchor08

We definitely want to see! I'm apparently a freak of nature because I don't look that amazing when I'm not pregnant, lol! Pretty average sized with a giant chest, but you don't notice it now. :)

I'm so sorry about the way everyone is responding to your situation, it's so callous. I hate that you have to be the one to take the high road when you're already dealing with so much. Vent on here all you want if it helps you not take it out on them, we've all got your back.


----------



## Starry Night

I guess bump size is also genetic. My mom was always very petite (why couldn't I inherit that?) but she got HUGE when she was pregnant. She once had a stranger ask if she had an elephant in there. Her doctor was convinced she was carrying twins with my brother (u/s' still weren't routine so they never checked). Though she never got stretch marks. What the heck?? I found out that HER mom got them bad though so i guess they skipped a generation. 

And yeah, I have to take the high road. Sometimes I'd like to be petty but we're not in junior high and grudges really only hurt the grudge-holder. Easier said than done, but I must give it a go.


----------



## Starry Night

How is everyone doing? I'm now taking a prescription anti-nausea tablet and those work so much better than Gravol. Wow, I feel so different. They make me very sleepy though so still tough to motivate myself to get up and do things. But I'll take sleepy over sick any day.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

hey! how is everybody doin? congratulations to everyone =) glad to see you starry!


----------



## RedWylder

Hey you! It's been a while. :) Thanks for dropping in. Congrats to YOU!


----------



## Starry Night

ilovemyhubby said:


> hey! how is everybody doin? congratulations to everyone =) glad to see you starry!

Glad to see you too! Congratulations on your own little miracle. :happydance:


----------



## ilovemyhubby

heyya red =) thanks girlies! how are you guys feelin? ive been so nauseaus today its silly...


----------



## Starry Night

I've been getting really nauseas too. Finally am on prescription anti-nausea pills but my body is still getting used to them. First day they practically knocked me into a coma, they made me so drowsy. But on day two they make my body tired and my mind wide awake. I'm not falling asleep until late and waking up early. And my boobs are so achey. They grew so much with DS I didn't think they'd get any bigger. I was wrong. DH is pleased, though. I look through my pre-pregnancy photos from years ago and I was so flat-chested! It's hard to believe.


----------



## Carybear

Love my hubby... CONGRATS!!!!!!!


----------



## ilovemyhubby

heyya cary thanks! how are you doing these days????? 

starry: ive heard that the anti-nausea pills make u super groggy... i hope you get used to them and they help ya out.... yea my hubby is very happy about my inflating chest too... lol... guys are funny... i dont have my first appointment until dec 9th and it feels like ages away... im so nervous... i dont like doctors =/... 

hope you girls are doing good today. =)


----------



## ilovemyhubby

trigger>....... vent! 





oh goodness. some cray cray on babycenter just posted that women have pregnancy loss becuase of lack of faith, and if we werent demonized our babies would be alive... seriously!!!! people like that make believers look bad... infuriating.


----------



## anchor08

Welcome back ilovemyhubby, so excited for you!

Well, it's happening -- she is breech as ever and I'm going in for a c-section today! I have about an hour and a half left at home before we leave, then I'll sit around the hospital for a few hours and some time in the late afternoon (probably depends on how many emergencies they have to work around) we'll have our rainbow girl! It might be a few days before I can update, but can't wait to share the good news. Hang in there everyone!


----------



## skyesmom

oooooh anchor!!!! so so SO excited for you!!!!! finally meeting your rainbow girl!!!!! wow!!!!


----------



## rayraykay

YAYAYAYA ANCHOR!!!! WOOHOOOO!!!!!! Congratulations. Can't wait to hear about the new addition. xoxoxoxo good luck I will be thinking of you!


----------



## RedWylder

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! OMG I'm so excited for you!!!!!! I can't believe the time is here?! I'm all teary eyed thinking of you. You posted the message a while ago so I can only assume your little rainbow has arrived. We can't wait to see pictures. (You're gonna post some right?) You must come back and tell us EVERYTHING about what it's like to be a mother. :)


----------



## ilovemyhubby

=) what an exciting day! enjoy mama! congrats!!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

ANCHOR !!!! Sooooooo excited for you:) You posted a few hours ago so I'm thinking your rainbow is here already :) I can't wait for the updates :))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

yeah Anchor!!!!! I'm so excited for you!!! I can't wait to see your pics!!!!! Congratulations and know that I'm thinking about you and your wonderful rainbow baby!


----------



## Starry Night

Yay!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Our first Graduates' baby!!! I hope everything went well and that you heal well from the section and just enjoy bonding with your new little one!!! :cloud9:

ilovehubby - I totally agree. What nonsense. :rolleyes: People like that apparently never read the book of Job. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. So frustrating.


afm - this is my life now --->:sleep::sleep::sleep::sleep: :haha:

My final loss milestone is getting closer and closer and it's hard not to be afraid but I'm also starting to get excited about this pregnancy too.


----------



## skyesmom

omg so much joy here!!! 

and starry i am so so proud of you!! you are doing such an amazing job and you are such a strong woman!!! 

sending kisses to all your beautiful rainbows baking in there :)))))) and welcome mini-anchor!!! <3 <3 <3


----------



## Topanga053

Yay Anchor!!!! :happydance: I can't wait to see pictures!!!

Afm- Starry, I feel you. DH and I traveled last week, so I'm still tired from that. Now I'm back to work and we're painting our new house every night after work. The 12 hour days are really wearing on me and I need a break. We're almost at the finish line, but I'm just a walking zombie right now. The mornings are incredibly painful... I would give ANYTHING to just relax and sleep all day. :nope:


----------



## Left wonderin

OMG Topanga I can't imagine having to paint all night after a full days work ! Every day now im feeling a little tireder !!! I'm not sleeping great either and I wake with a really stiff , painful sore upper back !! All part n parcel of the wonderfulness of this journey and I still feel so blessed and privileged to experience it :)))) even the not so nice bits !! 

I'm getting BH tightenings every couple of days , they are weird !!!! Bump nice a big now so can only imagine what size it will be with another 3 months of growing ahead lol......

Hope everyone is well xxxxx


----------



## ilovemyhubby

starry: yes. frustrating... people can be rediculous..
im glad you are excited =) i am trying to get there.. i am hoping it will be easier after my first ultrasound.. once i KNOW there is a heartbeat... we decided that if the U/S goes well we will buy something for the baby that day.. 

topanga: you do need a break! that sounds like crazyness!! hope you get some time to pamper yourself soon... at least take a nap =/


so for now, im gunna keep breathing in and out and praying that dec 9th comes soon and everything turns out lovely..

have a great day girlies!


----------



## Starry Night

ilovemyhusband - these early days just drag, don't they they? I'm not sure what ideas will make the time pass quicker other than finding other things to look forward to. I only have to wait for Monday to see the doctor again and this week has been just going on and on and on...lol

Urgh! More annoying people rant! On Sunday, I finally felt up to going to church again and in the women's class I am in, I was asked what I needed prayer for. So I mentioned the appointment and how I would like to hear the heart beat. Well...one lady immediate says all know-it-all-like, "I didn't hear my daughter's heart beat until I was 6 months so don't expect anything". Um, that's not what I was asking for. I just replied, "Well, let's pray that if there is a heart beat that the doctor will be able to find it. Besides, my doctor found my son's heart beat at 14 weeks and it took him 5 seconds to do that. he said it was easy."

Yeesh. I know that this woman has had a loss so you'd think she'd be more sympathetic especially since she knows I have to multiply that by 3. I just don't get why she felt the need to say that. I mean, I know it happens. My SiL had her placenta all in the front with my nephew so she wasn't able to heart beat until that point either. But still. Grrrrrr.


----------



## Starry Night

And yay!!! 12 weeks! I can't believe it that I'm here. I am really freaking out though. Last night I was getting tightenings that really felt like really mild contractions. Oh, I was petrified! But then I had a bm and I realized it was trapped gas. Stupid body!!! Scaring me for no reason. This morning I thought I saw blood specks but I think it was just dirt or something. I"m losing my marbles.


----------



## RedWylder

Wow Starry! Congrats on making it to 12 weeks!


----------



## skyesmom

...and starry is at 12 weeks!!! congrats!!!! and only 4 days until the scan!! great!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

12 weeks Starry where did that go ??????? I bet you felt every second ;) ....... Here is to Monday xxxxxx


----------



## ilovemyhubby

starry: people can be really insensitive...sorry she was being so thoughtless.... 6months? really?.. her doctor must have been pretty dumb....i heard ligias heartbeat at 11 or 12 weeks with a doppler... im praying you will hear that happy swoosh swoosh sound at your next appointment. before too long you will be feeling babies little butterfly kicks in there! =)

about the gas... i have had the worst gas too, and it feels exactly like contractions... so im hoping i figure my diet out or im gunna drive myself nuts thinking im in labor for 9months!... so silly...
and my toilet paper has little fibers that turn colors when wet.. so ive been freaking out over "specks" too... 

so i made pot roast in the crock pot yesterday and it was so yum...i love my crockpot...i have been so rediculously hungry.... i literally chewed ALL day yesterday.... my cheeks hurt....you gals been cooking anything extra delicious??

hope you are all doing well today! =D


----------



## Starry Night

No cooking here. I literally have no energy. It sucks so bad. But a few friends are bringing me meals. Yesterday, a friend brought homemade chicken parmesan and tomorrow another friend is bringing another meal. Earlier in the week I tried to make my own meal but I couldn't stand for more than a few minutes and the very thought of mixing and frying and boiling and dicing made me want to cry. I don't understand why pregnancy makes me such a weakling. Every other woman seems to continue on with life as normal. And whenever I do push myself I get massive cramps and brown spotting all the next day. (by 'pushing myself' I mean doing a load of laundry and changing out the dishwasher. I can only choose to do one or the other per day). 

I miss cooking. I miss feeling like my house is mine.

I am hoping to make pulled pork this weekend. All you have to do is stick the roast in the crockpot for the day and then shred it up with a fork afterwards.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

oh starry, crock pot is your new best friend... i have ONLY been cooking things that i can cut up a potato and a couple carrots and add some stock and lay back down... lol... i am also not very good at being all superwoman during pregnancy... 
the other day i put a whole chicken in the crockpot and cut up a sweet potato for underneath.. quartered an apple put it inside the bird, sprinkled some rosemary seasoning on top... and let me tell you! it was soooo tender and moist.... and than i made chicken salad sammiches =)

i cant stand over the stove and cook.. it makes me want to puke smelling things... and i get all upset when the kitchen is dirty...


----------



## Starry Night

I have a recipe for crockpot lasagna. I've made it once or twice before and it's really good. I just need to fry up the ground beef and boil the noodles ahead of time. I might get dh to do it.


----------



## Left wonderin

I hear ya ladies my cooking went from every day to zero and is still there !! I can't face it !! I STILL feel uck cooking meat or any thing that smells strongly !


----------



## Starry Night

I don't know how other ladies push through it. I'm so glad I'm a SAHM because if I had to go to work feeling like this then I don't know what I'd do. I remember reading tips such as "bring a bucket with you in the car" or "keep a bucket at your desk". Lovely! I can't imagine your coworkers being too thrilled with that....

And other girls seem able to keep to their diets while pregnant while I'm a carb and junkie hound. Eating makes me feel better so I do lots of it. I've actually gained several pounds already. It's embarassing. Especially when in other threads I see girls moaning "I ate a second bagel today". Yeah? I ate 1/2 a pizza AND 3 plates of pasta. AND 4 pieces of brownies AND half a bowl of jello that I bregrudingly shared with my son. Yikes. Every day I tell myself I'll be good. I'll pick up fruit and veggies from the store only to have them wither in the fridge. Veggies still gross me out but fruit I can handle so no real excuses there.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> I don't know how other ladies push through it. I'm so glad I'm a SAHM because if I had to go to work feeling like this then I don't know what I'd do. I remember reading tips such as "bring a bucket with you in the car" or "keep a bucket at your desk". Lovely! I can't imagine your coworkers being too thrilled with that....
> 
> And other girls seem able to keep to their diets while pregnant while I'm a carb and junkie hound. Eating makes me feel better so I do lots of it. I've actually gained several pounds already. It's embarassing. Especially when in other threads I see girls moaning "I ate a second bagel today". Yeah? I ate 1/2 a pizza AND 3 plates of pasta. AND 4 pieces of brownies AND half a bowl of jello that I bregrudingly shared with my son. Yikes. Every day I tell myself I'll be good. I'll pick up fruit and veggies from the store only to have them wither in the fridge. Veggies still gross me out but fruit I can handle so no real excuses there.

Ha! Well, thankfully I wasn't actually vomitting much at all (only one night), the rest of the time it was only dry heaving. Although I'm sure the people on my hallway enjoyed the sound of me dry heaving in my office several times a day! :winkwink: And the fatigue was fun. I remember one day in first tri I was meeting one of my investigators at a courthouse that's a long way from my office (I travel all over the state for my job). I had some extra time and I was SOOO exhausted, so I pulled over and took a nap in a Hannaford parking lot halfway to the courthouse! I called my investigator afterwards and told her that I would be there shortly, but had pulled over to take a nap. She asked if I wanted to tell her about my pregnancy yet! (This was before I had announced at work) :haha:

And as for junk food, I hear you!!!!! EVERY DAY I tell myself I will be better, but it's so hard. I've been eating way more fast food and chocolate than I should be. Even DH is starting to get on my case, which makes me feel guilty. :nope: I always make sure to work in some healthy foods throughout the day, but I've been so busy with work and painting the new house that I don't always have time to do anything other than grab fast food on my way to court.


----------



## RedWylder

Bwhahaha Topanga- sleeping in my car became a regular habit for me in first tri. So did sleeping behind my desk in my classroom. I'd lock my door and go hide behind my desk for 15-30 minutes just to help me get through my day. It's funny what pregnancy makes acceptable. I still take the occasional nap at work when I'm feeling especially exhausted. But Starry- I could never be a stay at home mom. I'd go nuts being in the house too much.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

starry: HAHAHAHAHAHA that is so funny... i know what you mean... i am an eating fool too!!!! =) went to IHOP this morning... 3 eggs 4 strips of bacon 3 pancakes and a side of toast... yup... it was amazing by the way... =) ive been eating so much my face hurts from chewing.. no joke 
and i am also so grateful to be able to stay home... there is no way i could be around people right now, much less focus on working with how exausted ive been...plus my cat would miss me far too much =D


----------



## Starry Night

I was dumb yesterday and pushed myself a bit. I cleaned up some laundry (not lots) did a few loads of the dishwasher and tidied around the house and we had company for supper that I had completely forgotten about so there was that last minute rush to wipe down the table and hide the worst of the mess. They had brought supper with them at least so I didn't have to prepare anything but I decided I had to help set up the table and retrieve things even though they kept telling me to sit down. Sure enough, in the evening I got a little bit of faint brown spotting. Why????? I just want to be normal and take care of my own house!!! I didn't even do a lot. It really seems I'm limited to one chore a day. I no longer have guilt about the clutter of DS' toys but I do hate letting the laundry pile up or having dirty dishes on the counter. 

Tomorrow marks my final loss milestone. I'm almost there. I was spotting red the day before so if I get through today with nothing then it will help me get through tomorrow, I think.


----------



## anchor08

Oh no! Just wrote a long update and then accidentally clicked the browser back a page and lost it. I need to get to sleep so this is going to be bare-bones.

Evelyn is here! 8 lb 1.5 oz, and just short of 21 inches. She is strong and beautiful. Feeding started out okay and was going well when we left the hospital but now I'm engorged, nipples are sore, incision hurts, etc. and she's having more trouble latching on to the full breasts, so we're having some ups and downs. It's very emotional and tiring, wonderful and occasionally excruciating. I wouldn't trade it, but I hope it gets easier soon.

Glad you're all doing well and congrats on the milestones!

Here we are on Wednesday (with my friend Leanne), 1 day old.
 



Attached Files:







1452436_10151699435120563_1985174959_n.jpg
File size: 59.6 KB
Views: 11


----------



## RedWylder

Oh my goodness she is tooo perfect! Congrats Mama! Everyone says breastfeeding is mighty challenging but well worth it. Keep at it! You'll be great. <3


----------



## skyesmom

OMG Anchor!! Congratulations!!! she is so so so perfect!!! yay!! our first miracle rainbow is here!!! welcome!!! awww!!


----------



## Topanga053

Congrats Anchor!!! She is gorgeous!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Ok you made me cry !!! She is so perfect . Your Little hope bringer ans pain easier ( all rainbow babies are ) you must be overjoyed as well as over whelmed . I get so emotional just seeing everyone else's babies and hearing their experiences and the emotions attached . Not quite sure how I'm going to cope,with my own !!!!!!! A blubbering mess I am thinking !!!! 

She is amazing enjoy every second with her and THANKYOU for sharing your story with us xxx


----------



## Carybear

Anchor... What a beauty!!!! Congratulations!!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Congratulations, anchor!!! What a beautiful little baby and you look so, so happy. And did you just have a baby? You look so fresh and amazing.


----------



## rayraykay

Anchor she is absolutely gorgeous. CONGRATULATIONS!! Breastfeeding will get easier, hang in there. You are amazing!! I am so thrilled for you!!!! You look fantastic! I hope you're having a wonderful day :hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

starry good luck for your scan tomorrow!!!! keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I'm pretty sure I'm not getting an actual scan. Just the doppler but if the doppler doesn't pick anything up I think I"ll probably cry and demand a scan. I can't wait any longer to find out if things are OK. I'm averaging 3 nightmares a night. :wacko:

Last night I got MASSIVE cramps and I was so terrified especially when I had to go to the toilet and I felt this horrible pressure on my cervix. I really, really thought it was the end. But then the pressure shifted and it turned out my IBS was acting up. Oi. It did put the pressure on though as I got gobs and gobs of clear cm directly afterwards. If things had been going poorly in there I'm sure that awful bm would have ended it. It rattled me for the rest of the night.


----------



## Starry Night

NOT AN UPDATE (I haven't left yet:haha:): Just thought I should let you know that my appointment is in the city and we always make a day of it so it may be late before I can update. So try not to worry if you don't hear from me.


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Starry for the update . I've everything crossed for a positive outcome :) xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

There is a heart beat. :cloud9: It took the OB a few seconds to find it so of course I was inwardly panicking but all is well. She only listened long enough to make sure it was healthy so I only got to hear about 4 seconds' worth. Such a relief! Last time I made it this far in a pregnancy I got my son.

We lightly discussed my method of delivery and so far it is up to me to decide if I want c-section or a VBAC. I'm so torn. I've read up lots on it so I don't need more info to persuade me one way or the other. I just have to decide. I told her I hadn't decided yet because either option scared me. She said we can talk about it at each appointment and see how I'm feeling. But if I do VBAC I have to go to the high risk delivery ward so that limits my birthing options. But that's how it was with DS so I'm familiar and comfortable with that.


----------



## rayraykay

Congratulations Starry- what a wonderful appointment. I am so happy for you.

Luckily you have some time to decide about a VBAC or another c-section. I have heard many VBAC success stories, but I understand there is risk to it. I wish I had experience to share but in this circumstance I can only offer support! You will know what's more comfortable for you and your LO when the time is right. For now, you can focus on a wonderful appointment and a heartbeat! Yay! :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Starry!!!! I am so happy for you! Congrats on a healthy heartbeat and the joy of a pregnancy that is progressing as it should!

I'm so happy for all of you!


----------



## skyesmom

Starry!!! awesome awesome awesome news!! congratulations on your little precious perfect heartbeat!! yay yay!! the little rainbow is all safe & sound there inside!

glad your appointment went so well, seems like your doctor is really taking care of you! tough decision there though, but you still have some time and i think you'll have it clearer as the due date approaches!

massive hugs to u!!


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, everyone. :hugs:

My fears with the VBAC don't really have to do with a ruptured uterus. The risk of that is so low. I'm more afraid of having to go through labour again only to have to get an emergency section. I'm scared of another case of fetal distress. What if I don't get a happy ending this time? If I'm going to get a section anyways, why not avoid the pain of labour? (I know what labour is like so I know it's bad...I felt like I wanted to die but I knew I wouldn't and that made me mad, :haha:). 

But with a section I am afraid the epidural will fail again but this time the doctor won't care I'm feeling everything and just make me endure it. (I've heard that horror story on here enough to be very afraid). What if my scar doesn't heal as nicely this time? For an emergency section, mine went very smoothly and other than a minor infection with a bit of 'ooze' everything healed quite well. My only trace of a scar is a very, very fine white line. I don't have any residual pain or redness or anything. How will I handle a toddler and a baby while healing? I mean, my mom is coming over for the first 2 weeks so I will have help during the worst bits.

DH wants me to have an elective section as he is a planner and we won't have to worry about something going wrong during labour. Though he is always very careful to say that I have the final say and that it's not up to him. And we have to consider who will be watching DS. We don't have family here and I would feel bad calling someone at 2am if I go into labour then. Especially since our friends who have been offering over and over live 1/2 hour in the opposite direction of the hospital. That would add an hour to our trip to drive him there and then come back.

This is why I can't decide. 

:wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko::wacko:


----------



## RedWylder

Starry, so glad there was a heartbeat! As for the VBAC or CS- I know you'll figure out what's right for you. :)


----------



## ilovemyhubby

:happydance::dance::yipee::headspin::wohoo: @ starry!!!! hooray for hearing that beautiful heartbeat!!!! glad things went well.. 

try not to worry about delivery(easier said than done i know),but you still have lots of time to decide.. :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

I was stupid and decided to watch some "live birth" videos on Baby Center's website. :dohh: The videos for both the vaginal and c-section were very graphic. I am wishing it could be like Star Trek where they just transport the baby out of me or a fairy could come and wave her wand and POOF! the baby appears. lol I'm a mess.

And I'm getting so huge! My friends are telling me that I'm showing already but I think I just look fat. I'm definitely in maternity pants and my shirts are starting to get quite snug. I'm just glad I'm pregnant over the same seasons as DS so I don't have to buy too much.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

oh the videos are ick... ive never had a c-section but vaginal birth, hurt... quite a bit, but you cant see whats down there so its not nearly as icky from your perspective....i think vaginal birth is really empowering, but i totally understand the concern of the scar tissue thing... maybe you have already, but you could research the incident rate of uterine rupture during v-bac and let that be a factor into your decision too... thats a tough decision to make...i have no idea what i would choose... =/


----------



## Starry Night

It's not about the rupture. I"m actually not afraid of that. I'm more afraid of the pain or damaging my wahoo to the point I never like sex again or something going wrong with the baby (the fetal distress repeating itself). I have read up a lot on a VBAC so I don't really need more info. I just need to make a decision that I'm comfortable with. I had a good c-section experience and bonded well with my son so I don't have any regrets from last time. I honestly felt empowered in a more emotional way with how I dealt with the stress of my labour.

So how have you been feeling these days? Any sickness? Or are you holding on OK?


----------



## ilovemyhubby

yah, they are both scary options in their own way... im sure you will know what you need when its time...

ive been ok... feeling a some nausea... trying not to get excited, at least until i see a doctor and find out if there is a heartbeat and it is a viable pregnancy... i dunno if i am just feeling detached, or im just afraid to get my hopes up again... hopefully ill be able to get into the groove a little more or something...

how are you feelin today?


----------



## Starry Night

Today is not so bad. I made it through yesterday without using a single anti-nausea tablet. I felt a little nausea in the afternoon but I was able to work through it. I got gaggy in the evening but that happens every time I try to stay up late. 

I think right now the worst part is I think I'm getting SPD. It's not horrible everyday but yesterday was a bad day. I feel cracks and grinding in my hips, groin and lower back. I'm still officially in the first tri so it makes me nervous about what will happen later in pregnancy. So far today it's not too bad.

And yesterday I felt the baby move. It made things feel a little more real. It's still early so I haven't felt it much. I'm still waiting for it today.

And I understand the detached feeling. When you lose a baby you don't want to get too attached. I think it's a form of self-preservation. I'm only now starting to feel excited about this pregnancy but I'm still nervous and saying "if the baby gets here" or "I think we might be having a baby in the spring". I am not really superstitious but I don't want to get my hopes up too high.


----------



## RedWylder

ilovemyhubby- don't worry about feeling detached. I think all of us in this thread felt that way in the beginning. When you go through a loss, it's natural to try and protect yourself from another heartbreak. Take it easy, focus on getting through the day and maybe this might be your rainbow. I have good vibes for you.


----------



## Topanga053

I agree. I think being a little detached (especially early on) while PAL is perfectly normal. I was incredibly detached for quite awhile and slowly started letting myself feel more like it's real, especially when I hit second tri and things were still fine.

And yay Starry for a healthy HB!!!! :happydance::happydance:

Afm, sorry I've been MIA ladies. It's been a crazy week. Work is crazy and we're trying to close on the new house and hitting ALL SORTS of issues (title issues, the appraisal came in low so the bank unexpectedly wants us to bring ANOTHER $5,000 to closing NEXT WEEK..AGH!!!). Also, I had my GD test on Monday and failed. I'm going to call tomorrow to schedule the 3 hour test. It's not a big surprise... my mom either had or almost had GD with me and both of my parents are diabetic and a lot of my family members have diabetes, so I'm pretty genetically screwed. My sugar addiction doesn't help.:haha: The plus side is, I've seen so many people manage the disease so well (my mom has managed it for years with diet and exercise and no side effects) that I'm not too scared about it. So we'll just have to take the second test and see where that gets us! So Rayray, you might not be the only one on this thread with GD.


----------



## Starry Night

I'm sorry you failed the GD test. I wonder what the rates are of those who fail the first test only to pass the next. Or is it one of those things where if you fail the first test you are likely to fail the next?

I've always passed all my glucose tests and I feel the unfairness of it all because I'm still not really trying to eat healthy. Sometimes I fit some fruit in here and there but veggies are few and far between. I'm drinking iced tea and nibbling on chocolate all the time. I'm not craving a lot of sweet-tasting things, but I do crave a lot of the no-no's when it comes to starches and hidden sugars: potatoes, cheeses, sweet n'sour BBQ sauce, fruit juices, etc.

One thing I'm craving more than anything is deli meat. I asked my OB if it really is that big of a deal to have them during pregnancy and she said that she used to think it was not an issue but a few years back one of Canada's main supplier/producer of deli meat had a big listeria outbreak. Now she tells women that it's better to be safe than sorry. She said the risks are low but if it were to happen I'd never forgive myself. True, and DH has been forbidding me from deli, but I really want a turkey sub. *sighs* LOL


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga I've my GD three hour test on Monday . Not sure what to expect re the results but no doubt whatever the outcome we will get by :)


----------



## ilovemyhubby

starry: hip pain sucks... i feel like my hips are barely back in place and ready to get all achy and uncomfortable all over again... ive also been getting wierd shooting nerve pain in my vagina... like the outside... im wondering if its from where i tore or what... 

topanga & left wonderin: good luck with your blood glucose screening! that juice they make you drink is not fun, sorry you have to do the long one, i had the 3 hour my first time last pregnancy... hope you girls have super pancreas power that day and process the sugars really well =)

thanks for the encouragement ladies, im hoping i will feel better later in pregnancy too...
its just wierd since we lost her during labor its hard not to feel like there isnt a safe point, if that makes sense, hopefully ill be able to bond with this baby. the whole thing is just a bit scary for me. i really feel like if we lost this baby too and i didnt let myself enjoy being pregnant than i would feel terrible like i didnt want this baby or something, or didnt appreciate the pregnancy... 

hope you gals are having a good night =) me and my cat are watching christmas movies and snuggling under covers... cold rainy nights are the best for that...


----------



## anchor08

Starry, congrats on the heartbeat! I know that's far from the end of worrying, but it's a huge step.

Ilovemyhubby, when is you're appointment? That first wait is a killer, hang in there!

I'm typing this one-handed with Evelyn sleeping in my lap after a middle-of-the-night feed, so I can't write much, but I want to give a much longer update, hopefully tomorrow. We're doing well though! Hugs to everyone.


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga and others concerned about GD- I just feel the need to clarify that the amount of sugar you eat or don't eat doesn't actually effect you getting this disease. Don't let yourself be tricked into thinking it's actually something you control because then there's that whole spiral of blame that's you don't need. I explained GD to some other friends the other day and they found it helpful so I'll copy and paste it here:

Basically- your cells need energy. Sugar provides that energy. Without sugar- they don't work and die. However, sugar can't get into your cells without insulin "opening the door". In gestational diabetes, your body has become insulin resistant which basically translates into you can't use sugar effectively and it takes a lot more insulin to get the sugar into your cells. If you don't control your sugar intake, all that sugar builds up in your blood and bad things happen. So you see- truly not your fault. It just happens when your pregnancy hormones cause your cells to resist insulin


----------



## rayraykay

Many women do go on to pass the 3 hour after failing the one hour. Lots of things can go into failing the one hour. However, it is a good sign that your doc sent you to do the 3 hour, some people fail the 1 hour so badly that it's clear they have GD and there's no need for the 3 hour. My doctor was sure I would be one of those women but alas, I am not, and hey, that's okay.  

Topanga- I am so sorry about failing the first test. You still have a chance of not having GD. I marginally failed both- but I am so glad I am on the diet because I have been able to keep everything under complete control. I had my growth ultrasound & appointment today. Everything with baby girl is perfect. She is in the 56th percentile for weight which is great (babies that are too small are actually more dangerous than babies that are too big) 56th percentile is right smack dab in the middle tho- which I feel great about. All her other measurements are great. I am 1 centimeter dilated and 60% effaced! Her head is way down in my pelvis too. I know it could mean nothing...but I like that progress is being made!

Like I have said before- my OB isn't treating this like a high risk pregnancy because frankly- it's not. Red is right- NO amount of sugar you could eat would give you gestational diabetes. You have absolutely no control over whether you get GD or not. None. Like I said before, I have no family history, not overweight, don't eat a lot of sugar and was already exercising during pregnancy. It is simply your placenta & hormones messing with your ability to process insulin. 110% not your fault. To be honest, now that I see the light at the end of the tunnel- I am actually thankful for this diet. I haven't gained a ton of weight, I feel great, and I have nutritional information I didn't have before. It will help my family and I to continue to be healthy in the future. I have been able to treat myself, and I know the way I have been feeding my little one has made her healthier than if I was able to eat whatever I wanted. For Thanksgiving- I can eat everything at the table. I just need to make sure I balance protein and carbs. Do I ever drive by Sonic and desperately wish I could have a milkshake? Sure. Of course I do, but I will be able to have one the second she is born! If you do have GD- you will get the hang of it, control it, and your LO will be totally 110% perfect. Both your sugars and your baby's sugars will be checked at birth and if both are normal (most of the time they are normal right after the placenta is delivered) then you both go about your lives like nothing ever happened. It's as easy as that. Even if your LO's sugars are low at birth, they give them formula and check again and 9 times outta 10 they are normal within a few hours of being born. I hope you and Left both pass the 3 hour, but if you don't, everything will be okay. I promise. 

Anchor I can't wait to get a more detailed update!! She is so beautiful! I bet being a mommy is as wonderful as we've all dreamed about. I CANT WAIT. It's so friggin soon now!

ilovemyhubby I LOVE cuddling with my cats and watching movies!!! Sounds like an amazing night. I hope you start to feel better soon.

I also can't wait to have some deli meat again, I love goat cheese, salami & crackers. Or prosciutto. YUM. Definitely having some during my cheat week around Christmas! I can't wait. 

I hope everyone is doing well and having a wonderful evening. xoxoxo


----------



## anchor08

Phew, we're still here, just exhausted! Evelyn is beautiful and sweet, feeding and sleeping pretty well for a newborn, but the lack of sleep, pain and hormones are catching up with me. It's amazing, it's totally worth it, and it's hard!

I can't remember if I mentioned before, but she has hip displasia as a result of being breech -- her legs were straight out for a long time, so both hips were out of joint and loose. She's in a device called a Pavlik harness, which helps keep her legs curled up so the hips can stay in joint and develop correctly. Hopefully in a few weeks it will all be fixed and we can carry on normally. Otherwise we're both healthy, just the usual ups and downs of the early days I guess.

Rayray, I can't believe you're so close!!! Wow, so exciting. How are you feeling about it all?


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh the poor pet anchor , hope its not uncomfortable on her , but its all for the best for her :) Sounds like a new born is HARD WORK and as much as you think you know it in your head it HAS to be different when the reality of it hits . Not to mention all those hormones !!!! Thankfully at some point ya end up back on an even keel ( that's what I'm telling myself anyway lol ! )


----------



## Starry Night

Before I had DS I would often wonder why most new mothers would disappear from public life for a few weeks but I learned the hard way that it is a tough adjustment! Just how difficult depends on the individual baby as each has its own personality and how much the mom is willing to martyr herself. ha ha I know a mom who had a baby in the morning and hosted the youth group at her house in the evening and never looked back. I personally think that's crazy as no matter how good you think you feel your body is still healing and your baby is so vulnerable to everything.

I hope Evelyn's hips are fixed soon. I know a couple of babies who had to wear the harness. They all seemed happy and comfortable enough. 

rayray - baby's arrival is getting close! Is the nursery ready or is that a touchy subject? LOL


----------



## anchor08

Yeah, the harness only seemed to bother her the first day and since then we've been fine. It stays on 24/7 and we diaper, clothe and wash around it, so I'm sure she doesn't even notice it now. I'm annoyed by it, but it should fix things and we'll be fine.

I think the hardest thing (about that and everything else these days) is how time is condensed. Looking back I can see that, for example, we had a really tough 36 hours or so when we first got home, but when you're in it it feels like forever...especially because 36 hours is roughly 15 feedings! Makes every difficulty seem bigger even though it doesn't actually last too long. I hope I don't sound too down, I am enjoying myself, but we all need the venting space. We've had some really good days too! And honestly, even breastfeeding is so amazing when it works. I'm impatient to heal and feel more settled, but we really are doing well.


----------



## Left wonderin

Rant away :))) I love hearing everyone experiences post birth its so comforting as it is not the sugar coated version sold to you but the reality show lol ..............


----------



## rayraykay

Anchor- so proud of you. It sounds like you're getting the hang of it even with the hip displasia. It always seems to be something.. Which is something I've discovered by the different support blogs I frequent. No woman hardly ever has the perfect pregnancy, birth or experience with a newborn. (And the women that do... Lucky lucky ladies.. Haha) It's really just how you cope with it. And it sounds like you're a rockstar anchor. I'm so happy for you. I will probably have a lot of questions for you!

How is everyone else doing? 

Now that I'm about 3 weeks away.. I'm feeling really good. Ready. The nursery is finished as of about 30 minutes ago when the rocking chair was delivered. I'm gonna have my mom come over to help DH and I do one more deep cleaning before she comes. (I do the easy stuff that doesn't require a lot of cleaning products but I like to help haha) I had my growth scan this week and everything is looking perfect, she's in the 56th percentile for her weight which is great. Right in the middle. Too small is as big of a problem as too big apparently so I was really happy to hear that. I am 1 cm dilated and 60% effaced which I know can mean nothing but nice to know some progress is being made. Her head is way low. I'm walking and DH is happy because he's getting lucky in hopes we will speed things along. :haha: thank you for asking. I appreciate it. I've attached a bump photo in hopes it will lure others into posting theirs! I wanna see everyone else's bumps too! Plllleeeaaseee? ;) 

And anchor whenever you wanna share photos of your sweet baby girl pleaseeeeee dooooo!!!!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 32.9 KB
Views: 7


----------



## Starry Night

Once again, you're looking fresh and adorable. And I love that top. It's right up my alley.

I am planning on posting a bump photo when I reach second trimester (only 1 more week). I'm hoping my bump looks a little more bump-like then and less like fat. There is definitely a bump there but my c-section pooch really blurs the line between bump and flab. But I am actually starting to crave fruits now so I'm hoping that cuts back on some of my weight gain (so far about 6 pounds...yikes)


----------



## rayraykay

I bet you look amazing Starry. I can't wait to see.

Thank you- the top is from Target. I got most of my maternity stuff there.. cheap & of great quality. It's fun to be super pregnant in the fall. I think with my next pregnancy I will wanna do it around the same time. I can't imagine being this pregnant in the summer. Yikes.


----------



## skyesmom

rayray you are so beautiful!! and so so close your bump is perfect! oh oh can't wait for the new birth announcement!!! 

and anchor u r doing great in there!! i think u only understand it all when the LO is there... as u can't really imagine what it is to be a mom to a 10 year old now, or to a 30 year old either.. u see it only when ur lo reaches that age :)

hugs to all of u ladies!


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you skyesmom. I appreciate it.

Hugs to you. How are you?


----------



## skyesmom

all good here, just wrapping up a really important project and honestly i can't wait for that 2014 to come so we can finally ttc!


----------



## Topanga053

Ray- you look ADORABLE!!! That is an absolutely perfect bump and you are just glowing! 

Starry- OMG I can't believe you're almost in second tri!! And as for weight gain, I've already gained 21 pounds (and have 2.5 months to go), so my doctors are telling me to cut it back a bit. Lol but I'm not eating ANY more than usual and I'm hungry! I figure although I'm gaining a lot, it's all belly... nothing is showing anywhere else yet and if I'm hungry, then I'm hungry! 

I will try to post a bump pic later this week when I'm on a computer. So excited to really be showing, although it makes dressing for court MUCH harder!!


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, I'm sorry your doctor is getting after you already, Topanga. To me 21 pounds sounds like a dream weight gain amount. I gained about 60 pounds with DS. I did have a nurse scold me once as I went up 10 pounds between visits (before that my weight gain had been normal). There was no looking back after that. And I had lost 10 pounds in first tri that time. 

Finding good maternity clothes at a good price is virtually impossible. I don't know what I'd do if I had to work while pregnant. Most maternity stores around here pretty much only sell business casual and dressy styles. But it's pretty much $80 for a blouse. When I was working I remember the pregnant girls in the office would wear the same outfit day in and day out. Now I know why. lol

skyesmom - the New Year is fast approaching. I hope 2014 brings you your rainbow baby.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Topanga and Starry !!! Wow STarry where did the first tri go ????????? I'm so happy for you :) as for weight gain I have no clue what I've put on , guess ill find out tommrow at hospital visit !! Don't think its too much as I haven't really loved food throughout the pregnancy so far mostly eat cause I know I have to not cause I want to ( so so unlike me ) although I have not gone off cream cakes I loooooooooove them lol ...


----------



## Starry Night

Left - so how far along are you now? I'm trying to remember your due date. Both you and Topanga are due in February, right? I hope I have gotten that right! Red is due in April, I'm in May and Iluvmyhusband is, um....July? And both Cary and Skyesmom are in with a chance for a 2014 baby. I believe!!

Anyways, I"m still in a happy state of shock that I made it this far. I'm still nervous and am anxious for my 16 week appointment to hear that precious heart beat again. but I am finally allowing myself to look ahead. I'm actually anticipating my 20 week scan whereas before I didn't even let myself think about it. I'm still worried about any possible gender disappointment if my baby is a boy but I'll have the rest of the pregnancy to get excited about it. We even have a name. Luke Bradley. hee hee It took us an entire drive to city to hammer that one out but I like it. :) For a girl we are going with Hannah Faith. We had tossed around Sophia and Morgan as middle names as those are the middle names we gave to our angels we believe to be girls. But Faith really means something special to me too. I tried to think of something as meaningful for a boy's name but didn't really like those sorts of names this time around. 

I still really want a girl though. I know I need to let it go and I am trying to do that already. I am so grateful to be here.


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor, I love the 100% honest updates. Keep them coming. I love hearing about what's it's like for a new mom. Is it completely surreal or did your 9 month journey prepare you for the reality of having a baby. I still can't picture myself in that position. Half the time I'm still convinced I'm going to miscarry this LO. But then I realize I'm only 6 weeks away from V-day and I just have to make it a little longer. I think I can, I think I can. :)

Ray- I can't believe you're so close as well! So many of my TTC buddies are now at the end of their journey and it's so humbling to remember where we began. The struggles and friends we've met along the way have been life changing. And by the way you look perfect. I'll share a few photos since you shared yours. 

First is me at 17 weeks- starting to get a bump!
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo3_zpsc57bf353.jpg

Next is me at 18 weeks- looks about the same. I feel like I'm at a standstill.
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo1_zps7fbf88d5.jpg

And last is my new delivery gown from Pretty Pushers. No hospital gown for me! I'm gonna birth this baby in style. :)
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo2_zpsaca032aa.jpg

As for my update: I'm 18 weeks 5 days. My anatomy scan is 1 wk and 1 day away and I CANNOT WAIT!!!! I am dying to know what I'm having. I thought I felt movement a while back but haven't really had anything but gas since so I'm still waiting on my first confirmed baby movement. I have persistent nerve pain in my lower right back. It's especially bad when I wake up making it hard to walk. By the end of the day I usually don't notice it much but I suspect this is only going to get worse. I've also been working on my registry a bit. I think I've got my crib and a few other key items picked out. If the anatomy scan goes well, we'll start purchasing things. That's about it for now!


----------



## Starry Night

If you go by the placenta theory then this one is a girl but I take all these online theories (nub, skull, chinese predictor, etc) with a huge grain of salt.

And I'm being so lazy! We're going to a Grey Cup party today for which I made a dessert. Double Brownies. Yum. A layer of chocolate brownie with a layer of butterscotch brownies all topped with caramel icing. That has all been made but I still need to do the chocolate drizzle on top. All I have to do is melt some chocolate chips and drizzle it on top. But I feel too tired and don't want to do it. but I should as we leave in just over an hour and it needs time to harden.

PS. The Grey Cup is Canada's version of the SuperBowl. I know nothing about football but I love any excuse to get out of the house. And I need to take my anti-nausea pill before I go. I can go without it for the most part but you never know when my nausea is going to strike...which is still sometimes does.

EDIT:

RED - you look awesome! I love you teeny little bump. Those are the kind of bumps I want. And you really are going to push in style. I didn't even know you could get those. I would totally be doing a fashion show for the nurses in that (probably because they'd be laughing at me and then, well, you have no choice but to hamm it up).

I'll post a bump photo on Thursday in celebration of officially reaching second tri.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry me and Topanga are due the same date I think ???? :) ill be 29 weeks on Tuesday please God x

Loving both your boy and girl name :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Red your bump is soooo cute and I'm loving the delivery dress !! I must pop a pic or two of my current bump up tommrow !


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks guys! I know I'll appreciate being smaller later when I have an obvious bump but I'm sick of people telling me I don't even look pregnant. Dammit I'm almost halfway there. I should look pregnant. haha As for the gown, it was $22 at a local retailer but you can find them on Amazon for around 30. You guys should totally get one too so we'll all be styling! They are made to be disposable (come with a matching headband), they have ties in the front for fetal monitors, quick ties around the neck for immediate skin to skin contact, and a very low back for epidural access. The designers have really done a nice job with them.


----------



## Topanga053

Yup, Left and I are the same. Due 2/11/14. 

Red- I have the same problem!! I'm almost 29 weeks and you can tell I'm pregnant, but people think I'm about 20 weeks! At 18 weeks, I don't think strangers could tell.


----------



## Topanga053

As promised, here's my latest bump photo. This was at 28 weeks exactly.

(And obviously I need to clean that mirror!)

[URL=https://s927.photobucket.com/user/darcyamitchell/media/1453439_764764883234_1046357279_n_zps6a3a2a19.jpg.html][IMG]https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/1453439_764764883234_1046357279_n_zps6a3a2a19.jpg[/URL][/IMG]


----------



## RedWylder

You look beautiful and your bump is adorbs. :)


----------



## anchor08

Oof, I did way too much today, no nap, and I'm seriously regretting it now. The good news -- we went to the orthopedic surgeon for a check on the hips and both are still in joint, so it looks like the harness is working. We have an appointment for a sonogram next Monday to get a precise look and measurements and if that confirms that everything's in place, it will only be six more weeks to hold it there.


----------



## rayraykay

anchor- Glad to hear baby girl's hips look good! I hope the sonogram goes well. How crazy to be getting a sonogram of your little one when she's out and not inside of you!!!

Red- CUTE pics! I love the nightgown! I plan on just bringing nursing friendly nightgowns and PJs to the hospital... I suppose I will just give birth in whatever they give me... but dang that is so cute! There is still time for me to order one.. hmm..

Topanga! You look fantastic! That's about how big I was at 28 weeks, I don't think you look too small at all. I think you look perfect!


----------



## rayraykay

skyesmom- I am also looking forward to the new year. I always do. I can't wait until you can TTC again.

Left- can't wait to see the bump!

Starry- hmmm.... I wonderrrrr if you're gonna have a girl or a boy.... hmmmm hmmm hmmm... I will make a guess when I start to feel one way or the other.

Red- my money is on boy ( I think....) ... cant wait to find out for sure!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - you look lovely! I think you have a nice bump and it's obvious it's baby and not weight gain. I can assure you that getting very big is super uncomfortable and gets you lots and lots of stares when you go into public. lol Lots of pitying looks too from the moms in the crowd.

anchor - I am glad the harness is doing it's job and it looks like your LO won't have to wear it for much longer. It's also so tough to gage how much we can do after the baby. Some days you feel awesome and other days not so much. I learned after to DS that sometimes it is better err on the side of caution but then I had a lot of bleeding post partum even with a C-section. If I did do much I'd start clotting again.

afm - I haven't actually 'popped' yet but I am starting to feel huge. *sighs* And we were out all afternoon doing some grocery shopping and other errands and now I'm cramping like crazy. I know it's just my body complaining but it's still nerve-wracking.


----------



## Starry Night

OK...it's not Thursday...but here I go...don't laugh, please....ha ha
 



Attached Files:







bump2.jpg
File size: 65.2 KB
Views: 15


----------



## rayraykay

Starry you look fantastic!! So cute!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

ha, ha, thanks. I know I feel huger than I actually look (looking straight down at your belly is much worse than from the side). I'll be sad when I get too big for my pullover sweaters. I like them so much. I'll have to get some in maternity sizes. As much as I don't want to get too huge yet, I look forward to 'popping' so it becomes obvious I'm pregnant and not just fat.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry your bump is looking great and so are you! Don't be embarrassed. :)


----------



## Topanga053

I second Red! Really Starry, the way that you've been talking about your body, that wasn't at all what I was expecting to see. You are adorable and WAY too hard on yourself!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry !!! You look fantastic ! And there is a wee like bump :)


----------



## skyesmom

Starry!!! by the way you were talking about your body i was expecting to see a whale!!! you look amazing!! and there is a tiny bump there, you look adorable!!

So does miss Topanga!! what a lovely bump!!

all of you ladies look amazing! and how cute that Left&Topanga have the same due date!

I hope i'll get to share at least a bit of my rainbow pregnancy with Starry, Red, Ilovemyhubby and Cary!!

and anchor - such a great news for the hips! hope the time with the harness flies by!!


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, ladies. I need to hear that right now. :hugs: I weighed myself this morning and I have gained 10 pounds since becoming pregnant. And I was already 10 pounds heavier than I wanted to be before that. :cry: I know I'm fairly average sized but it seems every girl I meet on this site turns out to be this petite, super-thin girl with a gorgeous, little round bump. And then I come trollumping along. The girls I know in real life are like this too. I'm the only person in real life (besides my SiL) who needs maternity wear before 6 months. It makes me self-concious. My maternity panelled pants do tame the rolls a fair amount too. I appreciate that. :thumbup:

I know I can't get rid of the c-section "apron" I have at the bottom of my tummy and along my hips without surgery so I can accept that. And I know once baby is here I can get serious about exercise and get my weight back under control. I'll always be fleshy (even when eating 1500 cals a day and working out 5 days a week I was still 5 pounds over my healthy bmi and could not get lower). I'm mostly OK with that.

I'm just hoping my boobs doubling in size is contributing to my weight. :haha:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry, you will be happy to know that I'm one lady you know that is not petite and pr skinny . I was at least 20 lb over weight pre pg and small to boot lol...... Ever lb shows !!! I'm kinda blessed that I lost my appetite during this pg .... Nature knows best lol.........


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, I'm short too. Excess pounds are not kind to me. I do have a broader build so I think that is forever going to keep me at the upper limits of healthy weight for my height and age. I have my mom's small stature but the women in my dad's family are stockier and taller. So I am a weird blend. My sister is tall and has my mom's smaller build. No fair! My mom was 110 pounds after 3 kids. Seriously, I haven't been that weight since I was 13. LOL


----------



## anchor08

Starry, super cute! The horizontal stripes emphasize the bump very nicely. It sounds like you're in a similar place to me now with having to be careful about your activity level. I know what I need to do, but can't always make myself do it. 

Another good report today, Evelyn gained lots of weight this past week so she doesn't have to go for a weekly check for two more weeks. So the breastfeeding is working well, even though it still hurts sometimes. Starry, how long do you think is normal for sore nipples? I'm getting conflicting reports...some people say it's normal for a while, others say the latch is wrong if I'm in pain.

I'm so excited for everyone, can't wait for more babies around here! 

(pictures my friend took on Saturday, so 11 days old then)
 



Attached Files:







Faces!.jpg
File size: 56.3 KB
Views: 5


----------



## RedWylder

11 days! How does time go so quick.


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor she is adorable :)))) and 11 days already :) its going to be such fun watching them all grow up ;)


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - I'm not sure what is normal. The nurses and lactation consultant at the hospital told me it's not supposed to hurt at all if the latch is correct. From what I've read here on BnB that doesn't seem to be the case all the time.

Other than that, I can't really be of much help as we ended up bottle feeding. DS never wanted to suckle. He always fell asleep on my breast and would let go. He was getting dehydrated and losing weight so we just made the switch. I tried to supplement with pumping but I think I'm one of those who can't pump. When DS did latch it didn't hurt and since he never really suckled I never got any sores.

Have you tried nipple shields? That's the only thing I can think of suggesting at the moment.

And your little one is such a sweetie! They grow up so fast. I actually really enjoyed the newborn phase even with all the fussing and getting up and feeling slovenly and the baby's runny poops. They're so small and helpless and wholly dependent on you. It's the shortest stage and the hardships will soon be a distant memory, believe it or not.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I just realized that you ARE in your 2nd trimester at least by my standards. You may only be 13 weeks and 5 days but that means you're in your 14th week of pregnancy. So I'm gonna say it early...CONGRATS!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. I feel so blessed. :cloud9: I ordered Christmas cards today and I included "May Baby" in the 'from' section. A little nervous as doing that last year backfired on me, but I'm further on in this pregnancy than I was with that one.


----------



## Carybear

Starry... so happy that you have made it this far... I'm calling a girl for you (But... I've already said that before)

Red... I've debated back and forth, but I'm calling a boy for you


----------



## RedWylder

I felt girl in the beginning and now I'm feeling boy. You might be right! We find out in T minus 6 days. Eeck!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I keep assuming girl for myself but that's because that is what I want. I don't actually have vibes just yet. Sometimes I do think boy but it's hard to say as this pregnancy is so different from my son's. 

Red - yeah, I'm sensing boy for you. No particular reason though.


----------



## skyesmom

Red i'd say a boy for you, and Starry, i gotta get my antenna clear for that one!


----------



## Left wonderin

Mmmm I agree with Cary , boy for red and girl for Starry :))) red are you finding out the gender :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Ok so my LO has been SUper active all day !!! Since 4am !!!!!!!!!! I am serious when I say I don't think there has been a half hour since then without a roll , kick or jab !!! Its like Zumba class in there !! Lol........ Poor little fella must be exhausted !


----------



## RedWylder

I am finding out the gender and I just cannot wait. This is what I've been waiting 20 week for- to finally be able to say I'm having a little boy. Or a little girl. I really don't care! I'm just done with this whole 'it' business.

I would love to have baby zumba time right now. I've been really trying to hold back to worry that my LO isn't moving yet. I *might* be feeling flutters occasionally but I'm also just as sure that it could be gas. I'm 19 weeks 1 day and dangit something should be going on by now!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red dont worry that all sounds normal !! The gas is it isn't question will start becoming more definite to that has to be baby about 2o - 22 weeks . A lot depends on how baby is lying , and where your placenta is . If you have an anterior one ( to the front ) its harder to feel the kicks as the placenta Shiels you !!!


----------



## Starry Night

Babies all decide to make themselves known on their own time and each woman is different. When I first started to feel DS at 16 weeks my SiL refused to believe me as you apparently can't feel babies until 24 weeks. (she's bit of a know it all at times). So it is obvious that is how long it takes her to feel her babies.

And even though I felt my son early I was not able to do kick counts until past 30 weeks as I simply could not feel him that often. I had enough scans to know he was extremely active. I just couldn't feel half of it.


----------



## anchor08

Well, Evelyn is officially American! She was from birth really, but we took her to the U.S. consulate yesterday to register her and apply for a passport (so we can take her home for a visit soon!). Then today she celebrated Thanksgiving in true American style -- she ate too much and made herself sick. :) Nothing alarming, she just has barely spit up once or twice before, and tonight she really let it go, at least a full feeding's worth! She's asleep now though, so hopefully everything's settled. I feel like I've been christened as a mommy.


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, bless little Evelyn. Already an American abroad. lol

And baby spit-up always looks worse than it really is. Poor thing. I always dreaded getting the spit-up in the mouth. I've seen it happen and it looked really gross. My son was a spitter-upper (big time) so I rarely ever held him over my head or had my mouth open when he was near my face.


----------



## skyesmom

oh anchor! happy thanksgiving and happy momma christening! that's hilarious!!

red - can't wait for you to find out!!! keep us posted!

hugs to all of u ladies!! can't wait to join u with a super-sticky bean!!!


----------



## anchor08

That's a good reminder, I'll have to be careful to keep my mouth closed! I don't mind it really, it's no worse than any other mess babies make, this was just a very large volume. :) I just hope she figures out to eat a bit less! She fed like crazy again this morning and then lost it again, though not nearly as much. The fun thing is how happy and peaceful she is afterwards!


----------



## skyesmom

i think this is a necessary part of the learning process - she's learning how the "too full" feels and what are the consequences, so as soon as she gets her hang on "oh, this is a full tummy" she'll stop overfeeding... and decorating u with vomit!! :) :)


----------



## Starry Night

Some babies also just have a hard time keeping it in. My son's doctor reassured me that it had nothing to do with my over-feeding him. I mean, over-feeding did make it worse but I just got used to be covered in baby spit-up. He did it until he was about a year. The hard part was getting all the "you're feeding him too much!" criticisms. But he was following his growth chart perfectly and the doctor kept telling me to do what I was doing. DS has struggled with the "full" sensation so I've had to keep a tight control on that. He will often eat until he throws up....and then keep on eating! He's 2 1/2 and is just starting to figure that out. He's also become a picky eater so he's actually starting to fall below the growth curve.


----------



## RedWylder

Well today is the day! My scan is 3:30pm AK time so I wouldn't expect an update from me until late.


----------



## Starry Night

So excited for you!!! I can't wait to find out what you're having. Good luck!!! :happydance::happydance:

afm - today dh and I were supposed to go Christmas shopping and follow it up with a date night but we couldn't find a sitter. :nope: I'm actually really depressed about it. We have no family near by and since we live in a small town, there are not many people we trust enough to watch him during the day. Finding a sitter is always tough. There is a Christmas banquet this weekend for the adults in our church and we can't find a sitter for that either. I'm going to have to miss it. I missed it last year for the same reason. DH and I can never go out. With all my m/s in the first tri it's been a long time since we've gone out just the two of us. :cry::cry: It's getting to the point where I don't want to get out of bed.


----------



## skyesmom

oh red so so curious for your news!!! i'm all pins and needles !!!! all the best for your scan!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red wahoooooo , Goodluck with your scan .... I'm guessing a pink bundle ;) 
Starry I hear ya can't remember the last date night I had !!!!!!!! But in the grand scheme of things ill cope lol......... Will only get harder when my LO arrives . I live in a rural area so family offers of babysitting will be few and far between !!! Thinking there will be lots of family date nights instead !!!


----------



## Starry Night

Don't get me wrong, I love going out with DS. He's fairly manageable. He's happy in the car seat even though it's 1 1/2 hours to the city and he's usually OK being in the stroller all day (though that now needs a toy or two to keep him happy) and he's good in restaurants. But I want adult time. I want to go to the movies, for pete's sake! :growlmad: And soon he'll be too old just to drag along to Christmas shopping otherwise the gifts won't be a surprise. He's already getting upset when we don't let him play with the toys right away but he's still young enough we can distract him and make him forget about them.

In the past, DH and I have tried to go once a month and out here we've had some success with that but it's always like pulling teeth to get someone to sit. I'm so stir crazy and tired of being in Mommy-mode. I want a fun night out with DH where we can just kick back and have fun.

Like, I'm REALLY depressed. I spent the whole day in bed so far. DH thinks I'm sick but I'm just sad. :cry:


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry I'm sorry your feeling so down :( not having family around must be so hard :( is there no one in church that could give a dig out ?? One night is not a lot to ask !!!!! And maybe you could return the favour ? Is it that no one is available today or s it an on going problem


----------



## Carybear

so sorry Starry! Are there no teens or young adults who would be willing to earn a little cash? I've already got my eye on two girls for when I ge to the point where I need a sitter. I understand the staying in bed because you feel sad. I don't have any kids yet, but I am with kids ALL day and Sunday too! I understand the desire to just be with adults and talk about adult things without someone wanting your attention every two minutes. I'm praying you find a sitter and get that shopping and date night!

Red!!! I can't wait to see what you are having... Hope he's not camera shy and poses for ya. Did I just say he??? LOL!! Stalking to see if I am right...

Anchor... as the first graduate to have your rainbow, you are definitely making me smile... Careful not to get caught in the spitup... So happy for you. Gives me hope that my turn is coming soon 

Rayray how are ya doing?

Left... I'm really glad you passed your diabetes test.

Topanga, how are you?

SKyesmom, how's it going?


----------



## Starry Night

There are a few teens in our church who sit but EVERYONE goes to them for sitting which I think is a bit unfair as they all have family who can watch for them but they all have 'opinions' on asking family to sit. They think it's wrong. Um....what??? That's what grandparents are for!!! My parents sit for my brother all the time. As long as you ask ahead if it works for them then what is the problem?

There is a couple we have an agreement with but both work full time and shopping will take the day (as I said, it's a long trip to the city). I think it being Christmas time makes it harder as well. Dh said he's going to call one of our go-to people and simply ask what day works for them and we'll work around that.

I think I am really just stir-crazy as it's been a long first trimester. And right now I don't know if my depression is making my other concerns seem worse than they are of if it really is all these disappointments making me depressed. And I'm wondering if my iron is getting low. I have been feeling lethargic for over a week now and it keeps getting worse.

My sadness has been building for some time and today's outing was something that brightened me up whenever I got really down. I see the OB in two weeks so I know I need to bring up the depression and lethargy up to her though I am anxious about taking any sort of drugs to help. I don't know if I fully trust them during pregnancy.


----------



## Carybear

I would definitely bring it up to the OB... and know that there is nothing wrong with feeling sad or depressed, but when you have your rainbow in your arms you will be so happy  It will all be worth it.


----------



## skyesmom

Starry - so sorry that you're having such a hard time! sounds like your hormones are playing a rough game on you, like having the worst kind of bummer-depression style pms that lasts for months! one that makes everything seem way worse and complicated than it really is and makes you just give up in front of everything. i would definitely bring that up to your OB, maybe she can help you with medication/dietary supplements/diet change?

Carybear i'm also thinking it's a little "he" for Red's little bump, so so anxious to find out finally!!

as far as i'm concerned, i'm fine but feeling really really broody these days, i can't think of anything else but having a baby, i'm longing for my rainbow so so hard and it literally occupies 95% of my thoughts when i'm alone, not to mention before going to bed.
i can't bring it up always with my OH as i'm afraid i'll just scare him from ttc/ntnp, and make him feel under pressure. i have no clue how women cope with this. any advice on this matter??
I feel my entire productivity, organization skills, motivation and creativity is suffering because of this. I invest so many hours on dealing with this (and depression i got after the losses) every day, but i can't help it, emotionally speaking it's my highest priority and all the rest is secondary, even though i really do LOVE my job. I've healed A LOT over the past two years, and my depression is way more manageable and not a daily issue anymore, but baby fever and broodiness... that's a whole other chapter.


----------



## RedWylder

Oh starry im so so sorry. Depression is so damn painful and reallyt akes a toll. Hang in there! 

Skyes...i know what you mean. I remember how utterly consuming TTC was. Every hour of every day was spent thinking about a baby. It finally got to the point after two miscarriages that I gave up. I was so unhappy that I just quit and focused on loving my husband and the time we spent together began to mean more than just babymaking. It was a wonderful change of pace and thats when I concieved this little rainbow GIRL!!!!!

Yes im having a girl! It turns out my gut instinct from first tri was completely right. I only began to think boy when I started second guessing my intuition. Baby girl is completely healthy, bendy, ans doing great. I have an anterior Placenta which would explain the lack of movement I feel. Im sooooo overwhelmed with emotion that I just need to go lie down and take it all in. I will post pics tomorrow.


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, congrats, Red! A little girl! :happydance: Other than for Left, this has proven to be a very girly thread so far. I can't wait to see the scan pics.

skye - what you say about being broody sounds so familiar to me. That's how I have been feeling on my journey to TTC#2. It just becomes an obsession, doesn't it? I don't think people can fully comprehend just how much TTC can take over your life until it becomes a struggle...whether through infertility or m/c....or both. 

Not much longer until you start properly TTC again and I hope you get your rainbow straight away! :hugs:

afm - dh and I had bit of a talk today. He's so good for putting up with me. I still have to deal with this depression but he was able to get some smiles and laughs...eventually. I'm lucky to have him. :cloud9:


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye I can empathise with your all consuming feelings . Its like the interest in everything else just isn't there anymore :( its so hard ! I found it was worth making the effort and dragging myself to social events ( even though they were the last thing I wanted to do ! ) I always felt much better afterwards even just coffee with the girls as it reminded me that there was life outside of TCC . You can get ALL CONSUMED with living in your own head :( 
As Starry said not long ow and you will be right back in the saddle , until then hang in there xxxxxxxxxx

Red so I see I was right a little Princess for you :) yahoooooooooooooooo can't wait to see her first photos ;) ...... It really is such an emotional experiences made more so after our experiences of losses .

Starry sounds like you oh is to be treasured ;) and it does sound like hormones are giving you a hard time . I recall right around the stage your at it ALL felt TOO MUCH like the worry of the first tri would never end, the feeling ucky would never end , the tiredness would never end and just when I thought I can't do this any more ...... Hey presto I began to feel MUCH better almost overnight my energy returned and I felt good again . Hang in there , talk to your ob but hopefully by the time the appointment comes around you will have turned a corner and be feeling on top of the world !


----------



## Carybear

congrats Red!!!! A little girl for you!!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Congrats Red!! :happydance: So exciting!!!!

Starry, I'm so sorry hun. :hugs: I don't struggle with depression on an ongoing basis, but I've had two depressive episodes in my life (one of which was after the loss and while we were TTCAL) and it really sucks the joy out of everything. It's such an awful feeling to have to deal with. I was on antidepressants when we were TTCAL and both my doctor and my OB said they were safe to take when I got my BFP. I made the personal decision to stop them at that point because the depression was really linked to TTCAL, so it lifted pretty much entirely once we got the BFP. But if I had kept feeling that way, it probably would have been worth it to continue on with the meds.

Skyesmom, sorry, no advice here. I struggled with exactly the same thing, so just know you're not alone hun.

Cary, thanks for asking! Everything is going well here. 30 weeks today!! :happydance: I can't believe we're that close to the end! My only struggle is still feeling a bit of a panic if it's been a little while since I've felt her move. Like now. I felt her last night before bed, but haven't felt her yet at all this morning, so I'm a little bit anxious. The worry has lessened so much, but it's amazing that sometimes small things can still make me worry what I assume is more than most women who haven't had a loss. So for now, I'm just praying that she gives me a good kick soon so I can relax!


----------



## RedWylder

Pictures from yesterday. I'm still completely in awe of the prospect of having a girl. 

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/962c0830-061c-4c3f-bbab-ebb4dec36b2d_zps1624d526.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo1_zps547ece37.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/dabb4795-7ffe-43ad-970b-85b3d931364c_zps920578d3.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo6_zps5124f57a.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, Red, what lovely scan pictures!! And that is a very clear potty shot. Definitely a little girlie. And you look so glowy in that bump photo. That is the sweetest little bump.

Left - yeah, my DH is really wonderful. He takes care of me and is so sympathetic to my mood swings, fears and general neurosis. He always says he knew what he was getting himself into when he married me. ha ha Whenever my friends complain about their hubbies I have a hard time relating as he helps clean, he listens to my rambles and lets me cry and he's actually quite sentimental and romantic. The other night there was a really soft, quiet snow and he made me come outside and just enjoy it with him. ha ha

And thanks for the encouraging words. I do hope I am feeling better by my next appointment. Today I feel a little better. I am still really tired but that could be the baby draining the life out of me. And I still have my concerns about my iron levels.


----------



## Topanga053

Love it Red!!! You're definitely glowing!!!


----------



## skyesmom

omg red!!! congratulations on your little girl!!!! yay!!!!! you look amazing!!

and thank you girls for your understanding, empathy and support, i'd go crazy without you!! at least ranting here offers some relief, knowing i'll be understood!!


----------



## rayraykay

skyesmom you are ALWAYS welcome here and I know I speak for every one of us when I say I can't wait to go on your TTC journey with you and share in your joy when you get your BFP and go on to meet your rainbow babe. 

Red! A girl! YAY! I am so happy for you, congratulations. Beautiful pictures.

Starry- I also understand the woes of the first trimester, feeling it will never end. I also got myself into this head trick that by not allowing myself to believe I was pregnant and assuming that I'd have a miscarriage, that I would actually think it into happening. It was awful. I hope that with every appointment you start to feel more relief. I also hope you and DH can have a night out soon!!! Adult time is always helpful. I truly think you will feel better after you enter the 2nd trimester. Although all your worries won't subside, I do believe you will start to feel better. :hugs:

Hi cary! Thank you for asking! I was doing really well, still feeling comfortable and because of my diet (blessing and a curse!!!!!) I haven't felt huge at all, which has been nice. I woke up on Sunday, and whoooaaa freakin nelly, baby girl has dropped. I mean like, realllllyyyy dropped. I hurt preeettttyyy badly. It hurts to move, it hurts to lay down, it just hurts. Haha. I am really thinking she might be early. I was 1.5 cm dilated, 60% effaced, -2 station on Tuesday of last week... I have an appt on Thursday... so I am truly hoping I will have made more progress. My doc predicted early on Tuesday 11/26.... so I am hoping she still thinks that. I literally feel like I am walking with a ball between my legs. It's insane. We will see!

Hope everyone is doing well, xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

Red you look fantastic!

Topanga, glad things are going good... not much longer now..

Rayray... wow!!!! I'm thinking you are next and right around the corner. Seems like just yesterday you were trying to get through the 1st trimester.

Starry... You'll get through this time and before you know it, you too will be welcoming your new little one...

Hiya Left
Skyesmom... I'm right here with you. We'll get there...


----------



## RedWylder

Awe rayray you are so close. Cherish these last few day/weeks that you can be selfish with your baby and hog her to yourself. Apparently there is no other time you can cart her everywhere with you ( even to work). But Im sorry youre so uncomfortable. Are you ready for her arrival? 

Anchor, how are you and evelyn?


----------



## rayraykay

Yeah jeez time really does fly by. This has gone incredibly fast looking back on it now.

I am definitely enjoying these last few weeks (possibly days) but towards the end, especially after your LO drops.. it's just hard to function haha. I still love feeling her kick and squirm around in there. I have read again and again that babies slow down and you mainly just feel rolls and slow movements, but I still feel full on kicks from her. It makes me hopeful that she isn't huge because it feels like she still has room in there.

yeah!! How are you anchor?! How's baby Evelyn? I bet she's growing so much every day!


----------



## skyesmom

rayray where did the time go???? my god you're about to welcome ur rainbow girl anytime soon, seems it was days since ur gender scan and ur first mini bump picture!!

i hope u get to enjoy these last weeks or days with her and that the pain eases up a little bit as ur body adjusts to her new position (although i don't know if it's actually possible for ur cervix&pelvis to go into permanent zen state and ignore several lb of baby pushing onto them 24/7!!!!)

carybear, thanks for your support!! and we'll get there!!:hugs: :hugs:

OH and i agreed on NTNP (from 2014) by the way, i think it's way better for the sakes of my mental sanity. i feel that temping and charting would just turn me into an obsessive compulsive mad scientist, and if anything, in my silly mind, this may kinda scare that little soul sitting on the cloud waiting to be conceived and thinking: "mom, that's scary. relax."
...and not to mention, our sexy times will be way better this way!!


----------



## Starry Night

rayray - you're so close now!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: It doesn't take too long after the baby drops. A few weeks tops. Doesn't feel like you're sitting on the baby's head? It's so strange. Driving down bumpy roads is also "fun" during the time. :haha: It's so exciting to think your little girl is coming so soon.:baby:

afm - I'm a little afraid to bring it up, but a big part of the reason I've been so down lately is my angel's due date is coming up on Sunday. Due dates are always the worst/hardest for me. :cry:


----------



## RedWylder

skyes- NTNP is sooo much better on you mentally. I felt so free when I hid my thermometer.

Starry- nothing ever replaces our lost ones but hopefully this new rainbow in your tummy will help ease the pain.

Rayray- I'm just so dang excited for you. This is the climax of your story where everythng is peaking and about to rush to the end. :)


----------



## Starry Night

I just don't want rayray to feel badly about being so near the end when I'm having an angel due date. That's why I feel hesitant to bring it up. I'm not trying to rain on anyone's parade. I'm genuinely excited and happy for you.


----------



## skyesmom

starry love, if you can't bring those things up HERE, where can you??? if someone learned and someone knows how to both joy and suffer at the same time, and acknowledge all these feelings for people, it's us here!!

we all know way too well how hard and how important the angel due dates are, and yet acknowledging this and showing support to each other doesn't shade or steal the stage to other's happiness!! 

there is no stage or spotlight to steal here!!! :))))))))))) i send you a massive hug!


----------



## rayraykay

Starry- please please don't feel like you can't talk about your angel due date on here because of me. I 100% understand and that's what this forum is for. We have all been thru it! I had my D&C on 11/19 of last year... and every once in awhile I think about how I felt this time last year. I just wanna hop in a time machine and go back to myself and tell the Rachel of last year that it's gonna be okay. For some reason, this year, I found it harder to pass the date of my D&C then my due date in June. I don't think there will ever be a June 12th that goes by that I don't think of my angel baby, but remembering the emotional and physical pain of my D&C and the events that followed... that was just gruesome. I wouldn't wish it on ANYONE. (How's that for a parade rain? ha) I so appreciate your consideration, but you will not rain on my parade. I promise. That is what this forum is for, support. Even tho we are all in different stages of moving on, losing a baby is something that sticks with you, and it's always okay to talk about it especially with women who have been there. :hugs: If you can Starry- try and hang onto to the fact that your rainbow is growing inside you. THIS is the baby you're meant to have. Every time I get sad about losing my baby last fall, I think about the fact I would never have been able to meet Sloane, and I truly believe she is the baby I am meant to have. 

Thank you ladies for the support! I am about to go on my elliptical for 20 minutes (thats about all I can manage now... to try to make sure the doctor gives me good news tomorrow!!) I can'ttttt waaiiitttttt! Seriously thank you for all the well wishes. I am so honored and grateful to be a part of this group. I am so thrilled for each of you, and have great feelings about where everyone is at in their journey to conception, or their due date. I just have a feeling that every single woman on this board will have their rainbow. 

What is everyone up to today? I honestly just feel like I am finding ways to kill time now... ha ha


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, everyone. :hugs: My first angel's 3rd birthday is 2 days after the upcoming due date and a few days ago marked the loss of my son's twin so it's just a rough time of year all around. The saying is that bad things come in threes so December is done with bad times...as is May (one angel due date and two m/c anniversaries there too). So yeah....feeling good that this is my rainbow. Also, all the little flutters inside of me are reassuring. :cloud9: 

Today we're having our first real snowstorm of the season. We've had a fair amount already but it has all come in patches. A few centimetres here and there until it has built up. But today it's coming in droves. Visibility isn't horrible right now but there is the threat of blowing snows. Schools are open and busses are running. In my old hometown this would have shut down the city but we didn't get snow like this very often. I love it! Just having a lazy morning watching the snow from my living room window, listening to Christmas music and letting DS play at my feet. I hope to make cookies this afternoon. Just hoping for the energy to be there when I need it!


----------



## RedWylder

I think I'm with you Rayray...just passing time. I am so anxious to get to V-day so I can finally kick the fear of miscarriage. I realize other bad things can happen but at least if I went into labor early there would be hope for the little one. Technically I'm already past "miscarriage" possibility and have moved onto still birth but what evs. I still think of it the same way.

Anywho... now that we now our munchkin is a little girl we are pretty set on the name Piper. We've liked it since about 4 weeks and always thought that if it was a girl, that would wind up being her name. Soooo now onto the task of picking a middle name. So far we've got Piper Quinn and Piper Jane but I'm not sure on either one.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry :hugs: . I think we all understand and share your feelings . I can talk for myself when I say I will never ever forget the loss of my LO . It changed me forever . I although 30 weeks and on :cloud9: about Sean's arrival in the new year can't stop myself being sad about Christmas coming and remembering the lead up to it ending up in the loss of my LO on Christmas Eve . This year will be filled with mixed emotions for me , sadness , hope , joy , fear , gratitude all rolled into one . I am sure I will shed a tear or two :cry: I've decided ill do something on Christmas Eve to remember , maybe go to the church , light a candle .... Maybe a act of kindness in memory of baby , donation to a children's charity not sure yet... But then I'm going to try be thankful for my current blessings xxxxxx I think its important to remember but like Rayray feel in the end what has happened is for a reason , maybe yet unknown but will make perfect sense someday . 

Anyway sorry for being blah . In other news it just dawned on me just how close Christmas is !!!!! I better get my finger out and start decorating :xmas9::xmas9::xmas9::xmas9::xmas9:


----------



## Starry Night

Red - I love the name Piper! For the middle names I'd go with Quinn. It seems to match with Piper best, IMO. But I don't know the significance the name Jane holds for you.

afm - no cookies yet but I am softening the butter at room temperature. I'm feeling really lazy again today. This lethargy is so hard to shake. But the cookies only have 4 ingredients so I'm feeling like maybe I can handle it. lol


----------



## Left wonderin

I vote Quinn too :) Piper Quinn is a wonderful name :) yummm for the cookies straight out of the oven !!! Although I wish my heartburn would go away !! I have it all day every day :((( ill be totally able to tell you if the myth is true or not about heartburn = hair lol......


----------



## Starry Night

The old wives' tale about heartburn was true for DS. I had AWFUL heartburn with him and a scan at 34 weeks showed his hair bobbing around on the screen. My siblings and I were all baldies as newborns so I was a bit surprised. But then I remembered DH's baby photos showed him with hair. I never really liked newborns with hair, to be honest, but DS converted me. :kiss:

I'm waiting to see if it proves true again because I've had terrible heart burn every night since I conceived. I wish I was joking. 

So Left, I really feel for you. At least you know it's not that much longer of having to put up with it. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Starry not complaining :) guess its all part and parcel of arriving at my rainbow so ill take it all and more !!!!!


----------



## skyesmom

Piper Quin sounds awesome as far as i'm concerned! 

left - sorry to hear you're struggling with a heartburn.. i wonder now if you are really having a little bushy head rainbow in there!!


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, heart burn is one of the lesser pregnancy complaints. I always drink about half a glass of milk before going to bed and that seems to help. I had hardly any last night. I guess an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! But I'm definitely going to ask my OB about what is safe to take for the times it is really bad. Man, I have alot to talk to my OB about next time. She's going to think/know I'm one of THOSE patients. ha ha She has been understanding so far though.


----------



## anchor08

Wow, I've missed a lot! I hope I don't forget anyone.

Hi Cary! I'm so glad you're enjoying the baby updates, and I know we will be rejoicing over yours before we know it. Are you really busy with the kids' ministry with Christmas coming up? Any pageants or choirs or anything like that to wrangle?

Red! A girl!!! So cool. I felt so much more connected to the pregnancy (not less worried, but less detached) when I found out that I was having a girl. Are you going to start shopping for her? I didn't go crazy right away but I did buy a few special outfits, which was so much fun.

Left, I feel for you with the mixed feelings around Christmas. We are all going through such extremes! I conceived my m/c baby a year ago, and the anniversary of the miscarriage is coming up. Last year at this time we were over the moon with excitement at the first pregnancy, so it's weird to look back and see what we didn't know was coming...and now to be so joyful in a different way, with a sadness behind it that sort of makes it stronger.

Starry, I'm glad your husband is supporting you with the depression. Definitely get help as soon as you can! I hope I'm not overstepping with unwanted advice, but I just had a though -- do you get Seasonal Affective Disorder? I wonder if that might be compounding the problem, and if sitting in the sun (if there is any sunshine!) or one of those light lamps might help a bit. I used to get it (mildly) when we lived in Northern Vermont and I was inside at work all day and it was dark when I arrived and when I left.

Skye -- if you ever decide to chart I will be your #1 stalker, but NTNP sounds like a good plan! I love that you can talk to your rainbow already -- he or she is definitely looking out for you (and maybe hanging out with your angel!).

Rayray -- sounds like good progress, though unpleasant! Evelyn never dropped so I don't know what that feeling is like, but hopefully in your better moments you can be happy that it's signalling the finish line. I can't remember anything about your birth plans, where are you going to be? What kind of preparation are you doing?

I really hope I didn't miss anyone. Evelyn and I are doing well! I still have pretty sore nipples (or one side in particular), but other than that breastfeeding is going well. She's gaining weight nicely, and we got her hips scanned on Monday and they're totally normal! So the harness worked right away, and we only have to leave it on until she's 6 weeks. I can't wait!

This picture isn't the most recent, but I love it (sorry it's sideways). When we can manage to rest at the same time life is good!
 



Attached Files:







IMG-20131120-00252.jpg
File size: 26.7 KB
Views: 7


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh what a beautiful picture :) how are you adjusting to your life as a new mum ? Any advice lol


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, anchor, what a lovely photo! And I'm so glad the harness is doing its job so well. Not much longer until it's a thing of the past and you will almost forget having to use it (that's I how I feel about the corrective helmet DS had to wear).

And I can suffer depression year round, so can't blame the winter blahs on that (and I LOVE winter). I do think being trapped inside can be somewhat to blame at the moment. On the days we go into town for groceries I usually perk up a little. Depression is something I've always struggled with. It's generally mild and I can go years at a time without any, so I can usually cope but sometimes it really gets to me. I'm pretty sure I had post partum depression after my last loss and I never really recovered before I got this bfp.

And I have had someone offer to babysit!! :happydance::happydance: We just need to settle on an exact date with DH. A friend had been on vacation but now she's back and said she would sit for us.:thumbup:


----------



## Carybear

Yeah for a sitter Starry!

Anchor she is precious!

Left, hope the heartburn gets better...

Rayray - how much longer?

Red - I really like Piper Quin


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - how have things been going? Is the craziness getting better or only growing? Christmas is so nutty busy at church and I can imagine school is another place that the season makes go insane.

I'm still a little disappointed that I'm missing tonight's banquet but I can always watch chick flicks which I normally don't do when DH is around.


----------



## Carybear

things are going good... since I finished the classes, things are a little quieter.. we are just doing something small with the kids at church so that is good... 

The down time is a little hard, especially since it gives me more time to think about not having kids.. especially during the holidays... But, I have a wonderful husband and many blessings... Sometimes it is hard to focus on that, but when I do it makes life a much happier place... SO I'm working on it...

So happy to hear that you will be able to get out and about...


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, the holidays can be both a curse and a blessing. When I was single I was the loneliest at Christmas. I found it harder than Valentines.

Today is my angel's due date. As sad as I was all week about it I think I'm doing OK today. I will take a little time to be sad and cry though.


----------



## skyesmom

Happy Birthday Starry's Angel <3 <3 <3 we all love you here <3 <3 <3

(and massive hugs to you Starry :hugs: )


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. I had a massive cry after DS went to bed. It feels good to get it out of my system. Though I wish we didn't live in the middle of nowhere because I would have loved to have been able to drive out to the nearest Starbucks to get myself a peppermint mocha and a slice of lemon poppyseed loaf.


----------



## RedWylder

Aww Starry, glad to hear you are surviving the due date. 

Cary- any plans to see a fertility specialist? I know you're NTNP right now but I thought I'd ask if you'd thought about it.

afm- I felt baby girl kick on the outside today which totally caught me by surprise since I haven't really been feeling any distinct movements on the inside. I guess this isn't terribly uncommon for having an anterior placenta but I am certainly looking forward to more kicks! It was wonderful.


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- I'm sorry to hear that the holidays and down time are making it harder on you. I agree with Starry-- I always found the holidays to be particularly difficult when I was single or when I was grieving something else (like my angel last year). 

Red- how exciting!!!! I hope you feel many, many more soon!!!

Afm, DH and my mom both think that I've dropped quite a bit, which is making me a bit nervous. I'm just shy of 31 weeks, so it seems early if that's the case. I know some women drop early and deliver at full term, but obviously you hear about the opposite too! I honestly can't really tell, but I'll definitely be mentioning it at my appointment next week. We've been so busy with building the new house and moving in and unpacking that baby stuff has really been put on the back burner. We still haven't toured the hospital or taken any classes or found a daycare and we don't have a lot of stuff because I'm waiting until after my shower (which is next month) to buy much of anything. So I'm just worried that if something happens and she comes super early, we won't have a crib or enough supplies or daycare or anything! Hopefully she behaves and keeps baking for awhile, so we can get ready!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I hope baby is just snuggling in and relaxing for the big day and won't come early. It is a good thing to ask about though. I can't remember when I dropped with DS. It was at least several weeks before he was born. And even if she comes early I'm sure you can improvise. You only really need the basics. Apparently, I slept in a laundry basket in my parents' room the first few weeks. Unpack a few changes of outfits and a few blankets. Diapers are easy enough to pick up. That should fill the gap until you know more one way or the other. You'd just have to make sure you have a car seat as most hospitals won't let you leave without one.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga I could have written that post !!! Except for the moving house bit !!! My LO moved RIGHT up this week , bump gone from below and rock solid above my belly button for about 2 days. Tink he wedged himself between my ribs!!! Well today he has dropped right down again ..... The closer the end gets I'm begining to get more anxious !!!! I'm sure its all perfectly norrmal and normal to feel like this :)) not a thing organised or packed yet !!!! Was waiting till after Christmas ..


----------



## Starry Night

Ladies, you're nearing the end. I know you have 10ish weeks to go but it's all normal. The baby is getting bigger and running out of room.


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks starry , thinking of you on the annevarsary of the loss of your LO xxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

hi everyone...
Starry... So sorry about yesterday... Passing my due date and the one year anniversary of my mc without celebrating a BFP was very difficult. But I got to thinking about our LO and you know... at least he never suffered pain or had to endure all the bad things that this earth throws at us... For that I can be grateful!

I can't believe how close you all are coming... And Starry... YEAH for making it past 15 weeks.... Can't wait to find out what you are having 

this time is just hard because I take care of everyone else's kids...

I would love to see a fertility specialist (and did so in a sneaky way last July) but the initial visit was all I could do (They marked it unusual bleeding or something like that).. Our insurance will not pay for anything rrlated to infertility and we don't have the funds... So, it's a waiting game...


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, I HATE, HATE, HATE when insurance companies won't cover infertility related things. I mean, I get that they are "elective", but I think there's a big difference between being tested for infertility and say, getting a nose job! Are there any other "sneaky" ways you could get additional tests? What did they do in July? And thankfully there are still some things you can probably rule out from home. Temping would probably tell you if you had a serious progesterone/ovulation issue (my mom had annovulatory cycles frequently and figured that out because most months she didn't get a temp hike). And our sperm analysis was actually relatively cheap, even without using insurance (about $100), so that might be something you can pursue out of pocket. 

Thanks Left and Starry! I really still can't tell if she's dropped at all (my MIL doesn't think so). Anyway, I appreciate the reassurance!!

Also, my nurse just called and said my 3 hour GD test results were normal, so I do not have GD. Life lesson? Eating ice cream and pie shortly before first test is SOOOOOO not worth it, not matter how badly you're craving it. That 3 hour test is AWFUL!!!


----------



## rayraykay

Hi everyone-

I also think it's total crap insurance doesn't cover fertility related health care. If they cover pregnancy things... I would hope that it would fall under that umbrella. It seems silly. 

I am so sorry about passing your anniversary without a BFP Cary. I can't imagine how hard that is... but I admire your strength to continue to work with others' children...I also do that for a living and I absolutely couldn't stand it after my loss. I would cry on the way to work, in the bathroom at work, on the way home... etc. Once again, you amaze me. I am pulling for you and sending you every bit of hope I have for you that you will get your rainbow.

Starry- 15 weeks 4 days! Yeehaw!!! That is so wonderful. I remember feeling some relief once I got after 14 weeks. I hope you're feeling well.

Topanga & Left... my baby also moved around a lot. She would get lower, then get higher, then lower.. she is a mover. It's totally normal unless you start feeling other signs of prelabor Topanga... It is early to "drop" persay but I don't think it necessarily means the babe will come early. I'm glad you don't have GD Topanga, but I can honestly say it's not that bad. I actually appreciate it for keeping me on track weight gain wise. 

Red- I love Piper! So cute!

AFM- It's a total waiting game now! I have a membrane sweep at 39+2 on Thursday... Hoping that will get things moving along and maybe she will come this weekend. That would be amazing. We will see!


----------



## Starry Night

Another graduates baby is coming so soon! That's so exciting. I hope the membrane sweep gets things going.

I know in the days leading up to my son's birth my belly suddenly felt so heavy like I had to put my hands underneath it to help support the weight. It almost felt like my stomach couldn't do it on its own anymore.

Cary - I keep thinking about you and asking God to give you a baby. I know I wish I could wave a wand and make it happen right now.

afm - a week until my next appointment. I keep telling myself that once I hear the heart beat again I will be truly relaxed. Right now DH just rolls his eyes and says, "Yeah right!" :haha: He knows me too well. :blush: I've also been dealing with a yeast infection. I used a 3 day treatment cream but now I"m wishing I went with the 7 day. I think it would have been less of a shock and maybe more effective overall. My last day's treatment still made me sting and itch like crazy. Just one more thing to talk to the OB about. She's going to hate me by the end of all this. :dohh:


----------



## rayraykay

I definitely have that heavy feeling. It's insane. I feel like she's gonna drop out. I did a loooot of cleaning today & walking around so... I am hoping that helped! 

I hear ya Starry. I kept wondering when I would stop worrying. I still haven't stopped. Now I just am hoping she's gonna come out safely and be healthy and alive. I don't think I will be truly satisified until she's in my arms with a clear bill of health. 

Then all the worrying about her outside of the womb starts.... which at this point, I AM SO READY FOR! It will be a relief!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Ray your sooooo near now :) I can't believe it .,how exciting :)))) We definetly need a final bump picture !!!!!! Right better get going I'm late for work again !!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Oooh, Ray, it really sounds like you're getting close. :happydance: And I agree that worrying about a living baby is a welcome change after worrying over our pregnancies. It feels like we have more control over that. We make sure the baby is fed, cleaned, sleeping well and if it gets sick we can take it to the doctor. During pregnancy it all feels so helpless.

afm - had another nightmare about losing the baby last night. I just felt so crushed by the unfairness of it all. I really hope these dreams are just a manifestation of my fears. I just want to relax and enjoy being pregnant. I think I'm also nervous because last night I was signing Christmas cards and the photo cards I ordered are signed with "and May Baby" at the end. It is all so official. Last year I had to blot out the "May Baby" on the cards and I guess I'm scared I'll have to do it again.


----------



## rayraykay

Starry- I am so sorry about the dreams. Ugh. Nightmares have also plagued me this whole pregnancy. It never seems to get easier to accept that they are just your fears manifesting in your mind during sleep- but it is. I wish I could say I got over the nightmares and was able to see them for what they are which is just fears coming into play during the night but... it's hard. Try to take solace in the little things. Having another appointment will hopefully help at least for the day. Your nightmare did probably come out of signing cards and being nervous.. but more power to you, it is time to put the news of the pregnancy out there, and maybe having others be happy for you will help you accept that it's happening and you should be happy for you too! (once again, easier said than done, I know.) I strongly, strongly believe there will be no blotting out the May Baby in these cards. May baby is coming for you. 


39 weeks today!! I can't believe it. I am starting to get really impatient. Ha ha. I just really, really want to meet her. I have the membrane sweep on Thursday.. and in all honesty I never thought I would ask this but if she doesn't come by her due date (the 17th) I will probably ask to schedule an induction for the weekend of the 20th. I have no reason to believe she is going to be huge, my doctor has told me she's measuring perfectly. I just have this fear that the longer she stays in there the longer I have to mess things up and I can't stand that thought. I have reached my wit's end with all of this, and I am just ready to hold her. So I am hoping my doctor will be willing to schedule an induction for my due date or a few days after on Thursday if she hasn't come by then. We will see.

How is everyone?


----------



## Topanga053

I'm good, absolutely nothing new to report today. But I do have a tiny bit of a rant. I just popped over on the miscarriage boards and one of the newbies had an early threatened miscarriage with lots of bleeding. She had an ultrasound today and they said there was a baby measuring two weeks behind and no HB yet (which would be understandable, given baby's actual measurements). But then they told her that she had miscarried a twin and this baby was healthy. I hope that that's the case, but I have no idea how they could diagnose that with the information she provided and I really have no idea why they would pretty much tell her she's out of the woods with heavy bleeding, a baby measuring two weeks behind (she's at least certain of her LMP), and no HB yet. I guess I'm just frustrated because she's ecstatic that everything is fine, but it seems like there's still some very real cause for concern and it seems like her doctors should be a little more cautious with what they tell her. Some of what I learn about doctors/insurance companies on this board really drives me crazy. It just seems like both of them have such a general lack of understanding what this process (miscarriage, infertility, TTCAL, PAL, etc) is like for women and how what they say and their policies can make the emotional impact that much harder. 

Ok, I'm done with my rant and I hope everything turns out really well for that girl and her doctors are right and I'm concerned for no reason.


----------



## Left wonderin

Had doc appointment today , all good , no protein , sugar or blood in urine , bp bang on and have only gained 6kg so far :) this is great news as I needed to loose a little when I got pg !:) doc very happy with me :) not that I've done anything Mother Nature took care of it and took away my appetite this whole pregnancy so far ;) today im into single figures :) 9 weeks to go .... I can't quite believe it still !!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Left, that's terrific! I'm glad things are going so well and that you're already into single digits.

Topanga - I hear you. I'm in Canada so don't deal with the insurance companies but doctors sometimes can be just as insensitive. I even had a doctor at the ER treat me like one of those girls who lies about bleeding just to get a scan. I was horrified and humiliated. I came back 2 days later to be told by another doctor that it was over (which I had figured at this point already). And some of the stories I read here are even worse. :nope:

afm - napped too long this afternoon. I've tried drinking water, eating an orange and walking about and doing laundry but still so groggy.


----------



## anchor08

I'm glad everyone is doing well, it's getting so close! Good luck with the sweep Rayray, and I hope your little one will come out before the induction date even if you decide to go that way. Are you feeling ready? What's on your "bucket list" for the next few days?

I'm finally feeling more like myself physically, though there's still so much I can't do. Amazing how important your abdominal muscles are! I have to be careful not to push myself, but I get so impatient, especially since the last 10 weeks of pregnancy were so difficult as well.

But it's so worth it! Evelyn is doing very well and continuing to feed and grow nicely. Her sleep is still random, but she rarely cries except when she's hungry (or she wakes up in the car seat -- car moving is good, sitting still in the seat is bad!). It's hard to get her to sleep without one of us holding her or carrying her in a sling or wrap, but on the other hand it's easy to soothe her -- snuggle or carry her and she relaxes almost immediately! I'll take it. :)


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - aw, what a sweetie-pie! I love the middle photo. So funny. 

I remember hearing it takes about 12 weeks for babies to develop a routine and I found that to be basically true for my son. He wasn't a good napper and it was so frustrating to get him to take naps of any kind. But by 3 months we had some awkward routine consisting of a series of 30 minute naps. It does get better!

And recovering from a c-section does take time. It's major surgery. I remember the nurse warning me that I would start to feel really good around 4 weeks but that it was important to remember to still take it easy as if I pushed myself too soon then I would experience some set-backs. Sure enough, at 4 weeks I felt great and started to do more around the house and after a few days I was in agony. ha ha They say 6 to 8 weeks for a reason, I suppose. And it takes even longer for the inner stitches to completely heal but I don't think it hampers your day to day life unless you're a professional wrestler or something like that.


----------



## skyesmom

oh my god! i'm off for a week and rayray is having a sweep and almost welcoming her rainbow!! second graduates baby almost there!!

and left is into single digits and killing it regarding the physical form!!

and mini-anchor is so so cute! she's perfect!

and starry is just few weeks shy of finding out what she's having!!

and red felt the kicks! so many good news!

and my congrats to you Cary, for being so strong and managing to do your job still despite everything! i admire you so much for your strength. and i feel with you on that - holidays, due dates/mc dates while taking care of other people's children without your bfp.. those are one of the loneliest and hardest times ever. i don't work with children but i often babysit my friend's babies, and while i love them all dearly, i know the empty feeling when you hand them back to their parents and walk home alone without a baby inside of you.
my relationship broke up after my 1st loss so i remember that xmas very well: no baby, no OH, far from my family, single and with several friends just gotten married/pregnant/having babies inviting me to their parties/dinners (meaning only the best). i felt so alone and out of place i thought i would die.

but those times will pass, i think what makes them so hard is that you can recall so sharply where you were the year before and how it felt and all... and no matter if those were those happy "we were pregnant and so innocent" times or those devastating times after the loss... they both are tough to remember and always make me cry no matter how happy and fulfilled i may be.

but hang in there, i am sure we'll get our rainbows soon! i'm with you! <3 <3 <3


----------



## Left wonderin

Sky what a lovely post xxxxxx and anchor what a sweetheart !!!!!! She is just adorable !!! Seriously !!!


----------



## rayraykay

Cary & Skye... you WILL both get your rainbow. I am sure of it. You are both so strong, you are admirable women and the children you have will be lucky, lucky little rainbows. And you are so right Skye- the hard times do pass but we will always remember the pain and scar that was left in their place. Honestly, I wouldn't want to change my hard times, they've helped shaped the women we are today. I hope all of you feel the same, even tho it can be so hard when you're in the thick of it.

Left- congrats on your wonderful appointment! Single digits! Watch out it goes by soo fast from here on out. Enjoy it!

Anchor- your rainbow is beautiful. SOOOO beautiful. I too have heard it takes about 12 weeks to set up a solid routine with a newborn... but it sounds like you are doing a great job so far! Her sleep will become more regular :) Take it easy girlfriend!!!! A C-section IS major surgery... you've gotta be easy on yourself. Before you know it you'll feel like yourself again. 

I am soooooo ready. SO ready!! I am enjoying my last week of feeling her move around inside me.. I have some signs of her coming soon. I am definitely hoping the sweep will help things move along. It's tomorrow at 10am! I can't wait. I am bouncing on my yoga ball right now (and having some cramps...!) I have decided to schedule an induction date tomorrow however, the official due date is the 17th- I am hoping she will schedule an induction for next week if she doesn't come on her own before then. I have an irrational fear that she will be huge if I go over my due date. My doctor has told me nothing but that she is a great size (from what she can tell) but I'm terrified she will be huge. I am just ready to stop stressing about everything and stress about her outside of the womb! Ha ha! After I post this I will post my final bump photos for y'all unless I go to 40 weeks! Come onnn Sloane!

I also wanted to take a second to genuinely thank every one of you for the outpouring of love and support you have each given me every step of this journey. I can't thank you enough, from the bottom of my heart. I care about each and every one of you so much. Thank you for sharing in my ups and downs. I am forever grateful I have met every one of you, even if it's online. I wish we could all go get coffee or something sometime! xoxoxo hope everyone is having a nice day!


----------



## rayraykay

There we go! 39+1!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 35.2 KB
Views: 10


----------



## rayraykay

Dangit! It's sideways! Sorry!


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh ray a coffee would be so nice :) Sounds like your alllllllmost there :) Slone will be here just in time for Santa :happydance: . I know how you feel I can genuinely say I love my daily catchup with everyone on here and would miss them terribly :( good luck with the sweep .....


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you so much, I appreciate it. Send me some baby labor dust haha


----------



## Starry Night

Meeting for coffee would be fun! I'd want to go to a coffee shop that sells cheesecake slices.


----------



## Left wonderin

Mmmm I love cheesecake or I would probably go for a nice big chewy meringue with lots of fresh cream ;)


----------



## RedWylder

I'm sorry I haven't been talking much lately. I've been having a hard time balancing school (teaching), and school (college), and just being pregnant in general. I'm so dang exhausted. Yesterday I took off from work just to concentrate on getting my college coursework caught up. I think I'm in better shape now.

I'm going to miss people if I try to respond to all but know that I'm reading and following even if I'm not talking. <3 

So I've been having some pain in my uterus lately but it doesn't feel like cramping, RLP, or anything else I'm used to feeling. Sometimes it's one sided, some times it's both and it usually comes after having done something physical that I probably shouldn't have done. I guess it could be round ligament pain but it just feel sharper and stronger than it has before. Any other ideas?


----------



## Topanga053

Ray- you look amazing!! What an adorable bump for the end of a pregnancy!!! And thank you so much for that sweet post. I feel the same way! I absolutely love coming here and hearing about each one of you and getting love and support from you. It really IS too bad that we're not all near each other in real life!

Anchor- those pictures are precious!!!!! 

Left- wow, you know, until you said it, I really didn't put it together that we ARE down into the single digits. That is absolutely insane. I can't believe we're here already.

Red- Glad to hear you're more caught up! I can relate. Between my job and the new house and the pregnancy, I sometimes find myself not knowing if I'm coming or going. It's not the busiest I've ever been (law school and working 2-3 jobs wins that award!!), but it' still a lot. Try to slow it down when you can and take some time for yourself and the baby!! As for the pains, I'm not sure if it's the same, but I found that I experienced a lot more sharp pains (like side stitches) when I did anything too active after ~15 weeks. Sometimes even a relatively leisurely walk with DH would give me cramps and sharp pains after not too long, not to mention leave me winded. I asked my doctor about it and she basically just said it's normal, but that eating more magnesium and potassium (i.e. bananas in particular) might help reduce some of that pain.


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga that does sound a bit like what I'm having. It's probably just normal growing pains and now that my uterus is getting big, it's just going to be more intense.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red me too , I had some awful pains that worried me , not cramps nor round ligament something else ... All normal i was told everything moving about and stretching !!! Oh the worry of it all !!! These days my worry is if baby moving too little or too much !!!!! Cord accidents too .......... Worry is constant and does not go away you just find something new to worry about !!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I hate random pregnancy pains. I find I get achey right before a growth spurt. My stomach and pelvic area has been really aching the past several days and then last night was the first time it hurt to lie on my back because my stomach felt too heavy. Which I was surprised by because it seems like my bump is shrinking. I guess I'm finally losing all that first tri bloat. I still bloat up by the evening but in the morning I seem almost flat when I stand. But still the heavy stomach.

My paranoia for the day is me thinking I'm leaking amniotic fluids (gotta be looking for trouble!:dohh:) I thought I saw a yellowish stain on my panties but it could be old stains (I have more period leaks then I care to admit) so I put on a liner to see. I know I'm at the point where the discharge really picks up and it could even be pregnancy incontinence. Baby was moving a lot last night so odds of it being leaking fluids are low. But I freak out anyways. I keep forcing myself to cough to see if that causes any sort of flow. :blush:

Oh, and found out my scan is to be on January 2nd!!:happydance:


----------



## skyesmom

i hope i'll remember these posts of yours when my time comes, so i can calm myself down before spamming you here!! 
with all these random pains during pregnancy, i really admire all of you for managing to keep your mental sanity!!

rayray, your bump is perfect! and almost gone! sending u labor dust!! (can't believe i'm actually writing this!!) how did ur sweep go?

..and yes, it would be so so great to meet up for a coffee... rainbow moms meeting :) we'd jam the entire cafe' with our strollers/prams and our little rainbows :)))))

hugs to all of u!


----------



## Topanga053

Ok, I'm going to be self-indulgent and have a little complaining session! I'm still loving being pregnant and would take all of this 10x over any day, but my feet/ankles have reaaalllllyyy started to swell in the last couple of days (it hurt to walk by the end of the day yesterday) and I am NOT getting much sleep! Between needing to pee, leg cramps, snoring, and sometimes finding myself on my back and unable to breathe properly, I'm waking up at least every couple of hours and I'm pooped! haha every morning when my alarm goes off for work, I think about how desperately I want to take a sick day and just sleep!!!! 

And, even though she's still moving several times a day, I still find myself worrying that she's not moving enough! Anytime I've gone several hours without feeling anything, I worry!


----------



## skyesmom

oh topanga!! way to go, this is a place for rants and you've been waaaay to good and patient so far!!!

maybe you should really call in sick! sometimes just a day of rest can do wonders!! sounds like your LO is going through a growth spurt and absorbing your body resources like crazy!! and your body still has to adjust to the weight gained in your abdominal region, this is why your knees and ankles are swollen... your lymphatic system can't pull the fluids up because ur LO is pressing on the ducts in your pelvic/stomach region... and it takes a while for your organism to adjust to this...

but massages and lifting your feet above your knees can help, and so those ubersexy compression stockings...

re snoring, it was one of my first symptoms of pregnancy and my OH was complaining A LOT...i used to snore so hard to wake myself up!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - :hugs::hugs: You're one strong momma. The last few weeks can be very tough. I remember crying lots simply because I was sick of it all. I think everyone reaches that breaking point no matter how grateful they are to be there. And I don't think rainbow babies ever move enough to keep us mommas happy. :wacko:


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga are you seeing inside my head ??? Lol the second post you have written that I could have !!! Well except the swollen feet don't have them yet ! But the sleeping buisness is becoming routine , the most I sleep for is 2 hours unbroken but have to say I'm not doing too badly on it ! My biggest moan is constant reflux and heartburn . I dislike eating as it always makes me feel like crap afterwards no matter what I eat. LO movin is a constant source of concern , I think part of it is that. I'm so close to the end now I'm begining to worry its all too good to be true . My anxiousness is increasing rather than decresing the further along I get now ! In other news my OH has put his back out and cannot move , so,that makes 2 of us lol...... He gets so worried when I loose my breath which happens regularly depending on how I'm sitting I just can't seem to,suck in enough air sometime . Apparently its because my diaphragm is compressed with baby or so,doctor says . Very unpleasant feeling and leaves me light headed . 

Ah well enough moaning :) hope everyone is looking forward to the weekend


----------



## Starry Night

All things to look forward to, I suppose. :haha: Can hardly wait. ;)

afm - had our date night yesterday. It was lovely. Though I ordered a meal with wine sauce. I didn't mean it order it but I find restaurants to be a big source of my social anxiety (no clue why, I was like this as a child) and panicked when the waitress arrived. I had meant to order a hamburger. :dohh: Since the meal wasn't too costly I'm assuming the "wine sauce" was mostly cheese and filler and not so much wine. It tasted good though. Haven't felt the baby too much since so of course I'm worried. :blush:

We also saw the movie FROZEN and I absolutely loved it! DH took me to see Tangled when I was pregnant with DS so I thought it fitting to see another Disney princess movie while pregnant.


----------



## Starry Night

I have my OB appointment today and I'm really scared as the baby has been really quiet the past few days. I felt some real, strong kicks 4 days ago but now those real kicks make me question any of the pops and flutters I've felt since then. I just hate how scared I get for my routine appointments. I'm desperate to hear that heart beat again.

I am starting to get some compliments on my bump though so I must be growing and maybe I'll even 'pop' soon.


----------



## Topanga053

Good luck at your appointment today, Starry! And, as a very wise woman once told me (about two posts ago!): " I don't think rainbow babies ever move enough to keep us mommas happy." :winkwink:

I do know how you feel though because I've been feeling more nudges and rolls rather than strong kicks for the last week or two. But I am sure everything is fine and you're going to hear the strong heartbeat of a healthy baby today! Have you considered buying a doppler? Maybe that would help put your mind at ease? I bought a really cheap on on-line (about $20). I don't use it often, but when she's been particularly quiet and it's been awhile since my last appointment, sometimes I take it out. It's always reassuring to hear the HB and to hear her moving around in there. 

Left- good for you! I only get about 2 hours of consistent sleep too, but it's killing me. I got a 4 hour block last night and today I feel like a whole new person! :happydance: I hear you about the breathing... that happens to me too sometimes. Especially anytime I bend over (i.e. to pick something up, get into bed, etc). DH has been phenomenal about picking stuff up for me and helping me get up.


----------



## Starry Night

LOL!! I had forgotten I said that. DH will laugh at me big time as he's always telling me that things are fine and that any little movement counts even though I want those big kicks.

I'm too scared to buy a doppler though. I feel like I'll be too much of a dope to figure out how to use it and won't find a heart beat even if there is a strong one....or even if there are 5 in there!!! Or I will use it every 30 seconds or so. A twenty dollar price tag is very tempting though. Yikes.

I'm glad your DH is taking pity on you and helping you with picking things up. Bending over can become such a chore after awhile!


----------



## RedWylder

Good luck today, Starry!!


----------



## Carybear

Thinking about you Starry and praying for a wonderful appointment...


----------



## rayraykay

Good luck today Starry!! Hope it goes well xoxo


----------



## skyesmom

good luck Starry!!! wishing you all the best!! keep us posted!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry bet of luck for your appointment today :) looking forward to hearing your update :) I like Topanga am now feeling different types of movments rather than kicks ! I get worried about lack of movment whenever LO nods off for a few hours . My moan for the day is I CANNOT get comfortable , sitting , lying , standing ......... Its gonna be a loooong 8 weeks lol......


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks everyone. Everything went perfectly, of course. The heart beat was such a beautiful sound.:cloud9: The OB answered all my questions. She's kind of short, not in a grumpy way, but the words were barely out of my mouth and she was all "that's normal" and briefly mentioned that it's up to me if I want meds for anxiety or not. I like that as it cuts me off from diving deep into paranoid delusion. ha ha This OB really is a good fit for me.

Had blood work to test screen for spina bifida and downs syndrome but really not focusing on that. Also requested for a urine test just to see if I have a bladder infection or not. I'm not getting strong symptoms but with my last pregnancy I was discovered to have one and I had no idea.

My scan is on the second and I'm hoping they'll tell me the gender there. If not, I will have to wait for my next appointment on the 15th to get the official report from my OB. I don't want to have to wait 2 weeks!

We finished our Christmas shopping today too. I'm really tired now.


----------



## skyesmom

yay Starry!!! ahhhh those are such an awesome news!!!! what a nice thing to wake up to!!!

sending my love to u & ur little perfect rainbow!!


----------



## rayraykay

Yay starry! So happy for you!

I am currently in my hospital bed- my baby girl will be here on her due date- the 17th. I will update when I can. 

Thank you all again for all the love and support. I can't ever express the gratitude I feel towards each and every one of you.

Xoxoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

rayraykay said:


> Yay starry! So happy for you!
> 
> I am currently in my hospital bed- my baby girl will be here on her due date- the 17th. I will update when I can.
> 
> Thank you all again for all the love and support. I can't ever express the gratitude I feel towards each and every one of you.
> 
> Xoxoxoxo

Ohhhh Ray I'm in tears after your post !!! I'm so excited and overwhelmed you get to meet your baby girl really soon ........ I'm not quite sure how ill cope with the emotion of it all when its my turn !!! Best of luck with the next part of this journey xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

And Starry :))) I'm so so happy for you . Your LO is just a snug as a bug :) but ya won't stop worrying till they are safely in your arms !!! I'm guessing boy , not sure why just a feeling xxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I'm really, really hoping for a girl but I am feeling boy too. The thought disappoints me a little but boys are cute. (potential gender disappointment is the biggest reason I can't stay Team Yellow) I used to always say I'd rather have all boys than all girls and that is still true. I just always hoped I'd have mostly boys and one girl. We'll see though! I thought boy for Red and I was totally wrong.


rayray - ack! I"m so super duper excited for you! I can't believe your little girl is coming soon. Don't worry about updating us on everything. Just focus on what you gotta do and enjoy every moment you have with her. You deserve some selfishness!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! Rayray that's the most amazing news and I'm so teary eyed for you. You've made it and soon your little rainbow will be in your arms. Cheers to the next part of your journey. <3


----------



## Topanga053

Starry- :happydance: We knew everything would be fine, but so glad you got that confirmation and can stop worrying (for a day or two...).

Rayray- OMG!!!! I can't believe it's here already!!! Like the others, so so SO excited for you and can't wait to hear all about it and see pictures!!! 

Afm, I have an appointment this afternoon. I'm getting a little bored with the appointments. It's nice to hear the HB, but I can do that at home with my own doppler, so it's not a huge reward. And I HATE when they try to measure me... it tickles/hurts. I'm going to ask today if they're going to give me a growth scan... it would be lovely to see her again! It's been so long since my last scan. Anyway, I'm just grumpy because it's a relatively long drive to the office I'm at while my normal OB is on maternity leave (30 minutes from my house and over 1 hour from the office), so I don't really like doing it just to get prodded and asked if everything seems to be normal. They should know by now I would call them instantly if I thought something might be wrong!! :haha:


----------



## skyesmom

omg Rayray!!!!!! so so excited for you!!! aaaaa!! pins and needles and tears here!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga can I ask what your movments feel like now ? Mine have changed in the last week or so to less kicks and more rolling , waves of movment and pushing a squirming ( its hard to describe really ) hoping its all normal and LO just no room to really kick out anymore ... Lots of ripples too !!


----------



## Starry Night

Left - sounds normal to me! :) I'm sure your little man will start head butting your nether regions soon. Not a pleasant feeling but it's movement....and no....he won't escape that way. lol Though it feels like it.


rayray - thinking of you!! Hope you're well on your way to having your baby in your arms. So pleased for your family!!


----------



## Carybear

Starry so excited that everything is going good.. How awesome to hear a good strong heartbeat!

Rayray I'm so excited for you! I can't wait to hear that you have your rainbow in your arms... Welcome Sloane!


----------



## rayraykay

She's hereeeeee!! 

Sloane Maria (I'm 1/4 Spanish and my Spanish Grammys mother is Maria) Kinne was born on 12/17/13 her due date at 12:29 pm. She's 21 inches long, weighed 8 lbs 3 oz at birth. It's so funny to me they lose weight right out of the womb. She's already 7 lbs 14 oz now... But I guess it makes sense! They go from getting all our food to drinking colostrum. 

Anyway- Monday the 16th I woke up to a sensation of squirting discharge into my undies. I had been losing my mucus plug in huge chunks all weekend and having mild to pretty dang painful contractions two nights in a row. When I checked my underwear.. It wasn't mucus. It wasn't pee. It was pretty clear and not thick. I did for a second think "...hmmm.." But then I thought quickly... No way no way it's just discharge. Let my husband g to work even tho he was even kinda like "...Rachel.... That isn't pee..." 

All day I was leaking and some of it was kinda cloudy white so I was able to discount it as discharge. I was with my mom and finally a leak wet thru my undies and unto my leggings. With texts from my husband and my mom insisting... I finally called. The nurse of course said- go get checked at the hospital you're delivering at. My husband came home and soon enough we were driving to the hospital. I was for sure thinking we would be sent home. So I was very calm. We get there- they do an fluid test and sure enough... I've been leaking water all day. They admit me. I was shocked. I was leaking the whole day and not feeling more than mild cramping! I kept convincing myself if it was fluid I'd know because labor would distinctly begin!!! 

Things didn't start on their own after 2 hours... Oh yeah you guessed it! Pitocin. Around 2:45 my water sac burst open. Then things really got going. Wow. It was really, really intense. I don't know if it was way more so because if the pit- probably. But wow. At about 4:30 am I was 6 cm, having intense contractions back to back and needed rest before the big show so I got an epidural. Couldn't have asked for a better doctor to give it to me & it really took the edge off. I was able to rest from about 6-9:30. At 10:41 my epidural has almost completely warn off and it was time to push. I felt everything while pushing. For 2 hours. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. She was head down but needed to turn. When she did turn it caused her much stress but, she ended up just fine. She was born at 12:29. I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed when they put her on my chest. It is by far the most beautiful experience I've ever had. My GD is completely gone- her sugars are completely controlled and she has no side effects from it whatsoever. They have stopped checking her sugars and mine. I can't express to you the incredible overwhelming since of love and joy I have for her. It's truly amazing.

I am sore from a small tear... But other than that I feel amazing. Thank you again for all the support and love. You ladies are amazing. All of you will soon hold your rainbow baby like my husband and I hold ours.

Please update me on how all of you are.. We are in the hospital until Thursday! Sorry for the long winded story!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 25.7 KB
Views: 13


----------



## rayraykay

Here's my husband with her... Sorry they are all sideways I dunno how to flip them when I post from my phone!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 31.7 KB
Views: 7


----------



## skyesmom

oh rayray!!!CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

you guys are so so perfect cuddled up together, and she is amazing!!!

Welcome to the world Sloane Maria!

burstin out of joy (and tears) here!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Yay! Ray, she is so absolutely beautiful!!! Congratulations!!!! :happydance::happydance:


----------



## Carybear

Ray!!! I've got happy tears for ya! She is absolutely gorgeous 

Congratulations!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

AWWWWW! Bawling* Thank you for sharing the details of her birth. It must feel so wonderful to have her here with you. Take it easy and let us know how being a new mom feels when you have time in between diapers and feeding. :) Welcome to the world Sloane Maria!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Well my oh just came into me crying on the couch , he got all concerned and asked what's wrong Hun . I burst into tears and said Ray has had her baby , Sloane is here :) !! He looked at me liked I'd two heads lol !!!! 

Ray I am so happy for you , your picture say it all and captures the emotion of the moment better than any words . Welcome to the world Sloane , and very well done Mammy xxxxxxxx


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Ray, she's absolutely precious!!!! I am so unbelievably happy for you!!! You are absolutely glowing in that picture; the look on your face is absolutely priceless. I hope you're enjoying these first few days with your rainbow and let us know how everything is going when you have time!!

Left- Yes, I'm having the same thing. Far fewer kicks and a lot more rolls/squirms. I mentioned it to my doctor at my appointment earlier this week and she didn't seem concerned. And since you're experiencing it too, I'm sure it's normal! I'm sure they're just starting to run out of room!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Topanga I'm not back to the doc till the 6th of jan and didn't know if I should go in to get checked out . I'm still feeling movment every day it just seems duller ????? Today he wiggled a lot so not too worried . I'm guessing they are just running out of room too and feeling just a squished as we are these days lol


----------



## Starry Night

I think I'm getting sick. :( My stomach is so gurgly and crampy and my appetite is even worse than normal. DS is sick too. Right now it's nothing major so I'm going to just eat simply and try not to aggravate things. DS has a full-on cold and is being whiney. He's trying to be his usual busy self so getting him to rest is a full-on job. lol


----------



## Starry Night

How is everyone doing? Getting ready for Christmas OK? I feel like it has snuck up on me. I only mailed out Christmas cards yesterday so it'll probably be New Years before anyone gets theirs! Whoops. Well, my mom mailed out our Christmas gifts on Thursday so who knows if we'll be getting those on time. She shipped them out priority but we live in No-man's Land so it still takes awhile.

And I've been having horrible nightmares about the baby again. I wish I could just enjoy being pregnant. I'm well in the second trimester and the doctor says everything looks good. I hate all the anxiety yet I can't get my emotions to listen to my head.


----------



## Starry Night

I realize I'm talking to myself right now but just so excited. My mom sent us a box of Christmas presents and in the box was a new set of maternity clothes! I knew she was sending some but wasn't aware she really went to town. Two new pairs of pants (one set of jeans and one of corduroys) and four sweaters. With those added to my current rotation I am totally set for the rest of the winter. She knows what I like too. They came just in time as all my maternity is in the wash and I was wearing PJs all day. ha ha


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry its so good to see you allow yourself get a little excited :) xxxxxx I'm excited for you :)


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, trying to think positive. And baby has been a busy beaver today. Feeling a nearly constant onslaught of bubbly and fluttery movements with the occasional kick (they're getting stronger :)). Makes me feel good. And I love Christmas presents. I will never tire of them. ha ha


----------



## rayraykay

Left- I totally understand why duller movements would be scary. If they really get to you.. drink something sugary lay down and do a kick count. I would always get terrified when she had a slower moving day- it happened around 30 weeks. They run out of room and their hard kicks turn into rolls more. How is it going? Are you feeling the movements more now? You can ALWAYS go see your doctor if you have a feeling one way or the other, trust your instincts. 

Starry! YAY! I love getting Christmas packages. Maternity clothes! What a wonderful gift. I love that. I am so happy you are excited! I hope you didn't get full-blown sick and you're now feeling better. 17 weeks! Man time flies. I hope your dreams subside. They can feel so real, but that baby is coming for you! I just know it. 

Once again- thank you for the responses and the support for my birth story and for my daughter and new family. We are over the freakin moon. Luckily I did all my shopping and wrapping before she came so everything is set for Sloane's first Christmas. We are obviously having a low key one and having our families come to us. She is far far too young to take to my in-laws big Christmas eve gathering. I wouldn't dream of taking her right now. There's upwards of 25 people there... I know they will be upset but frankly... I don't care. She cannot get sick and it's cold here in Oregon right now. She's eating like a champ, sleeping 5-6 hours a night (not straight of course) and is such a calm loving snuggle bug. I am in disbelief, this is all still very surreal. I burst into happy tears daily looking at her. I cannot WAIT to hear about your birth stories and babies, I will be so proud. Thank you again, and I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday at home with their loved ones. Relax and enjoy some amazing food. (Oh by the way I have been eating my fair share of Christmas deliciousness... eff you GD!!!!)


Love to you all- think of you sooo often. Let me know how everyone is xoxoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi ray , great to hear from you :) you sound like you were super organised !!!! Delighted you are doing so well :) Slone sounds like a dream :) 

Well litte Sean is back to making his presence felt lol! He must have been lying differently or having a quite day ( allowed I'm guessing ) think also when I'm busy he is quite and when I'm quite he is busy !! Thanks for asking :)


----------



## Topanga053

Glad to hear everyone is doing well! Ray, LOVE the updates! So glad everyone is adjusting well!!

Nothing new here, just saying hi since it's been awhile. Lauren has been doing some dramatic rolls now... I just can't get over watching my whole stomach move on its own!!! I'm getting really excited to meet her, the closer it gets. My shower invites went out last week and the shower is in a few weeks... looking forward to getting some stuff to start doing her nursery with! And it will be nice afterwards to be able to do our own shopping, since we'll know what we have!


----------



## Starry Night

ray - Aw, I'm so happy you get to have your first Christmas with Sloane and that you're all adjusting to each other so well. And I don't blame you for not wanting to go to a gathering. She's still so little and Christmas is such a germy time of year. And little ones are easily over-stimulated with everyone passing them around and not letting them sleep. Staying home will also help you recuperate and relax better too.

Topanga - that's so exciting about the shower! Are you throwing it yourself or are you getting help? Any themes or is it simply food and fun and presents?

Left - I'm glad Sean is moving well again. And remember that any little twitch or bump is considered a 'kick'. So even if he isn't doing flips anymore doesn't mean he isn't moving like he should. 

Are you having a shower? I remember hearing they aren't as common in the UK. (When I was pregnant with DS whenever a NA girl would ask a shower etiquette question there would always be a UK girl or two coming on to say 'we don't need people to buy things for us. We are able to provide for our babies on our own'. Fights, of course, ensued. :rolleyes: But it made me think they must not be common over there)


----------



## rayraykay

Topanga- ahhh so glad you're having a shower. It was such a lovely day for my husband & I. To have the support of our family & friends is priceless. All the wonderful things we received helped us finish the nursery for sure. I am so glad Lauren puts on a show for you! I loved watching my whole tummy move too. It's crazy how strong the little ones get in there! 

Left- yay for Sean!! I love to hear that. I also noticed that when I was moving around more and on my feet Sloane would sleep & when I had a quieter day taking more naps or doing less she'd bang around in there some more haha. Ahhh enjoy the movements you feel on the inside now! It's such an amazing feeling. Take videos of it on your phone if your phone does that. 

Okay okay I can't resist I'm gonna post some pics of Sloane.
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 34.2 KB
Views: 5


----------



## rayraykay

Baaaah I'm so sorry they always post sideways I dunno how to change it on my phone!!!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 36.1 KB
Views: 7


----------



## skyesmom

my god ray she is gorgeous!!! u made a masterpiece there!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Ray! She's absolutely adorable! She looks so healthy and happy!!

Starry- so funny! I never even stopped to wonder if showers were a cultural thing! And forget that ... after buying the new house (and furniture... and curtains... and restocking our kitchen...) we can use all the help we can get with baby stuff! We're doing a small lion king theme to go with the nursery, but nothing outrageous. My mom and MIL are hosting it, but it's at our new house. Partly so most of our friends can finally see it and partly because it has a really good layout for parties (it's not an open concept, but the downstairs basically has a big circle through the den/kitchen/living room/dining room, so it's easy for people to move around and mingle). 

How have you been feeling recently Starry? Better??


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi all :) wow what a beautiful head of hair Sloane has :) showers are not common in Ireland where I am from . People usually buy you a gift after baby has arrived . Just not the done thing here . I've never been to one . only ever seen them on the tv ;) I'd happily be a guine pig for one here lol.....


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - I'm feeling mostly better. I still get some baby-related nausea but I think I avoided the bug going around. DS is still sick. We thought he was better so I let him have some milk yesterday and this morning he had another messy diaper. So back to toast and watered down apple juice. He was sick last Christmas too. These things can last up to a week. I just hope he's better before our relatives show up on Saturday. My MiL will be sneaking him treats and all sorts of things and he won't ever get better.

A "The Lion King" theme sounds cute! It would make for an adorable nursery too. And it works for both genders so if you have another baby and it's a boy you don't have to change things around too much.


----------



## Starry Night

ray - Sloane is such a sweetie pie! So precious.


----------



## Carybear

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday!

Rayray ... Sloane is beautiful! What a beautiful head of hair!


----------



## skyesmom

Merry Christmas girls!! all the best to you and your little rainbows!!

(i'm stalking these past days but a bit overworked so i am sorry i couldn't reply to all your updates personally! but i'm really excited for all your news and those little rainbows!!)


----------



## Starry Night

Merry Christmas, everyone!

And I wish bfps for sky and Cary in the New Year!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Merry Christmas and here here for Starry wish for Sky and Cary
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 24.2 KB
Views: 6


----------



## Starry Night

Left - you're so adorable! I didn't know they even made maternity Christmas sweaters. I love it. You look a little unsure about it. LOL Love the antlers. :xmas12:


----------



## skyesmom

Left and Starry you girls made me cry!!

Left, i love your xmas outfit!! so so cute!


----------



## Left wonderin

I hate getting my photo taken !!! I always end up with a weird face on lol !!!!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Merry Christmas or whatever Holiday you might celebrate! I'm with family down south and don't have much computer time so haven't been able to respond but I'm loving the updates. Left you look perfect and Rayray she's just too dang cute with her hair.


----------



## Left wonderin

Merry Christmas Red , hope you are having a lovely time :) I need a reminder as you have no ticker how many weeks are you now ????


----------



## Starry Night

Red - I'm with Left. I'm trying to do the math but am trying to figure it out! I know you're due 1 1/2 months before me so you must be nearing viability if you haven't already.

afm - one week until my anatomy scan!:wohoo: I'll 'only' be 19 weeks so not really halfway but I can't believe I am soooo close. Really, really hoping the technician will tell me the gender at the scan. I don't want to wait another 2 weeks to find out.

I'm starting to think I won't get as big as I did with DS. I mean, we'll see. I don't have that many photos of me pregnant with him as I was on bed rest much of that time, but I have a photo from 25 weeks and I was pretty darn huge. I'd like to stay smaller. My appetite is definitely smaller so that should help.


----------



## RedWylder

I'm 23 weeks! V-day is next Tuesday!!! 

Starry I can't believe how far you've made it either. You're right behind me! It seems like yesterday I was going in for my anatomy scan.

If you loose count, remember I am exactly 10 weeks behind left and topanga. So they must be coming up on 34 weeks! I cannot believe that this is the same group of women who were ttc this time last year.

Oh and I am with you guys, 2014 must be Skye and Cary's year!


----------



## Topanga053

Happy holidays everyone!

Left- too cute! And I can't believe that showers aren't done over in Ireland. Really, it absolutely never occurred to me that they were a cultural thing! I can't believe you've never been to one! ALL of my friends have had one (expect for one friend because she and her husband had just moved out of state and didn't know anyone in their new home yet)... I can't even tell you how many I've been to over the years! 

Starry- I can't believe your scan is so close! :happydance: I hope they tell you the gender then too! So excited to hear how everything goes!! 

Red- Yay for V-Day soon!!! :happydance: I remember how unbelievably excited I was to hit that milestone. Just a huge weight off your shoulders, you know?? And yikes, I can't believe that Left and I are coming up on 34 weeks this Tuesday. Where did the time go!????

Afm, I'm getting so, so excited for my shower!! DH and I have been so busy that I haven't had much time to see my friends recently, so I'm so excited to see them all and for them to see our new house! Two weeks from Saturday... I'm dying!

We bought and assembled the crib yesterday. It's so nice to have one more piece of furniture in the nursery! DH was so sweet too. Every time we went into Target when we were TTC, I would make him take me past this crib and I would touch it and say that I hoped one day we would have a baby to put in it. So when we went to go get it, he said how nice it was that I was finally getting the crib I'd been wanting for so long.

DH has been amazing recently. We get along well anyway (most of the time! :haha:), but he's been unbelievable in the last couple of weeks. He's so worried about Lauren now. I'm not allowed to lift anything, he's getting almost everything for me so I don't have to get up too often (even though I'm fine!!), and he's so worried about the weather. It's been really icy and snowy here the last couple of weeks. Last night we were walking through town and I almost slipped, so from then on, he would hold me and tried to convince me to stay in the store while he got the car and picked me up at the door. And this morning he wouldn't let me go outside and start my car before work, so he got out of bed and shoveled and started my car, even though he has the day off and could have slept in!

And when we were setting up the crib yesterday, he started talking about how excited he was to see more done in the nursery and he was really ready for her to get here. I know you ladies don't know DH, but this was so huge for him. Two years ago, we were fighting about whether to start TTC because he didn't think he wanted children. He was worried about everything, from money to quiet to our relationship. So coming from someone who only reluctantly agreed to try to make me happy, it's been absolutely surreal to hear him talk about how he can't wait to meet her and see how worried he is about anything happening to her. I KNEW he would be an amazing, doting father when the time came, but I also knew that he wouldn't be able to see it until we actually had the baby. And sure enough! 

I just feel so blessed right now. From DH originally not wanting kids through the loss and the long time TTCAL, it feels so amazing to be approaching 34 weeks and feel her kick and see DH fall more and more in love with her everyday. I feel so blessed and I thank God every single day (usually multiple times a day!) for what I've been given. 

Ok, I'm done... sorry for the novel ladies! :haha:


----------



## skyesmom

oh wow Topanga your story made me tear up! that is so so lovely!

i guess baby becomes more real for some men when it's kicking and they know the gender and see it at the scan, for some only when they are born... and i also know men who can't wait to be a daddy even like teenagers (my ex high school sweetheart was like this but i was far from being ready at 18!!!!)

but it's so so great to see him like this, and shoveling and coming to pick u up in front of the store.. oh those things make me melt!!!!!

kudos to your DH!!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga your DH sounds like a wee dote :) and so excited at the near arrival of his daughter . you sound like I feel , I CAN'T believe it could be only 6 weeks till they are here !!!! The last few weeks have flowed by !!!! I'm sooooo excited and nervous at the same time . I still need to pinch myself that it is all real and I too thank GOD for all my blessings every single day , I still can't quite believe it . 

My OH had to tie my laces this am for the firs time , bending down now is a bit of a challenge lol...... I can't wait to spend the next 6 weeks stalking you lol ........ Comparing symptoms of a different kind lol !!!!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks ladies! It's been so wonderful to see him this doting (and I certainly don't mind all the attention either! :haha:). He calls me Hobbles now (since I waddle a lot). After Christmas Eve mass, I was walking up the aisle toward him and he held out my coat to help me put it on and said, "Come on, Hobbles, get in." :haha: :haha: It just tickled my funny bone! Really, he's been amazing!!

Left- too cute about your DH tying your shoes today!! DH hasn't had to do that yet, but I wear a lot of flats/boots, so I can still slip into my footwear. It IS hard to bend down now though, isn't it?!?! Like you, I still can't believe it's real most days!! I just honestly never thought I would be here! My ticker says our EDD is only 46 days away... that is CRAZY!!!!! I mean God, 46 days is NOTHING!! How are you sleeping nowadays???


----------



## rayraykay

ahhh hahaha yes! At the end my DH was totally putting on and taking off my shoes. It's so hard!!!! It feels weird now not to have a belly to work around.

Topanga that story about your DH is truly touching. Watching your loved one turn into a dad is a pretty emotional experience. It's been one of my favorite things about all of this. PS I LOVE the Lion King. I hope you have a wonderful shower, you deserve it.

Red- YAYYY V day!!! I was also thrilled to hit that milestone. I can't believe how fast time is flying. Soon, you'll have your babe in your arms!

Left- What an adorable picture and sweater. I love it. Thank you for sharing!! It's nice to put faces to names especially since I feel like we all know each other so well. You look amazing!

Starry!!! One week from the best scan ever!!! Yippie skippieeeee!!!! I am vibing girl for you... I am also so glad you didn't catch the bug your family had. Baby related nausea is okay.. means baby is nice and snug in there... :-D 

Cary and Skye- 2014 is the year of the rainbow baby for both of you! I can feel it! 

I hope everyone had a lovely holiday with their family. Thank you for the compliments on Sloane... I wish you could all meet her and I could meet all of your babies! And all of you!! 

xoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

46 days OMG !!!! And as for sleep not so good theses days hard to get comfortable. And then I'm like an elephant turning in the bed !!! I have on avg 2-3hours of unbroken sleep a night the rest is cat napping . Funny though I'm surviving pretty ok on it ! How about you ?


----------



## Starry Night

One time my mom told me that when she got to the end of her pregnancies she would have to get out of bed just to change positions. :haha: For myself, I just could not sleep in bed at the end. I had to sleep half-propped up on the couch.

afm - in-laws are coming over for the next few days so I will be MIA. A little nervous as there is a blizzard rolling in for our entire province and it's going to be a looooong drive for them. The weather updates keep getting worse and worse too. And we're supposed to meet them in the city for supper. That in of itself is a long drive. It would be stupid to go but if they're driving for 9 hours then it seems mean to back out of a 2 hour one. Super stressed!! And at 2am (go to sleep, Starry!!!) it is easy to feel morbid, especially after reading a book about WW2 in Nazi Germany that is narrated by Death itself. Good book though! The Book Thief.

And my belly has popped since Christmas! I'm 'officially' looking pregnant. \\:D/:D


----------



## skyesmom

oh congrats to the popping belly Starry!!!

Topanga and Left and Starry, after reading all your no sleep stories, it sounds like the old myth of pregnant women sleeping all the time is a fluke! especially when you hear people say stuff like: "oh get all the sleep you can now, because later when they're born you won't be sleeping any"... as if getting some sleep while pregnant is a piece of cake!

i know in europe you can buy these special sleeping pillows for pregnant women that prop your belly up from the sides and can also prop your back, they call them beluga pillows (yeah like the whale), i don't know if they're a common thing in us and canada but a couple of my friends have tried them and all of them swear by it:
https://www.moms-rus.com/products-page/accessories/theraline-maternity-nursing-pillow/

oh well... for now it's daydreaming for me but 2014 will change that!!!


----------



## Starry Night

skyesmom - I think the stories come from the fact that when you're pregnant you are extra tired and fall asleep at inopportune times. In first trimester I HAD to be in bed by 9 otherwise I was throwing up all over the place. Now I get tired but things like heart burn and discomfort can keep me up. There is also pregnancy insomnia (like tonight) but I also take a lot of naps in the afternoon where I can sleep for hours at a time.

But yeah, there is no catching the extra Zzzzz's in the final weeks before baby comes. I'm just glad that my kids will be somewhat close together as I still give DS 'quiet time" which will hopefully let me get some rest....just hope the new LO will sleep during DS' quiet time. 

And the "get the sleep while you can" is one of those nasty "let's scare the new parents" statements others like to make. Some LOs really do struggle to get a sleep routine but I think the average LO finds some sort of routine and you work your sleep around it.

Also, I'm one of those who NEEDS my sleep. There is only so much I can martyr myself. In the beginning when DS still had his days and nights a tad mixed up I started to sleep through his crying. I was just too, too tired. I would feed and comfort him to the best of my ability but once it got to the point where I was on the verge of blacking out from exhaustion I put him back in his crib, tears and all, and fell back asleep for about 45 minutes when I could do it all again. Those 45 minutes were bliss, too. You also learn to sleep through the minor fussing and 'talking'. He was in my room for 3 months so I just got used to it and slept until he was crying 'for real'.


----------



## Topanga053

skyesmom said:


> Topanga and Left and Starry, after reading all your no sleep stories, it sounds like the old myth of pregnant women sleeping all the time is a fluke! especially when you hear people say stuff like: "oh get all the sleep you can now, because later when they're born you won't be sleeping any"... as if getting some sleep while pregnant is a piece of cake!

Ha! Yeah, at least for me that has NOT been the case! It's varied throughout the pregnancy, but for the last month or so, sleep has not been easy. For me, it's not even that I can't get comfortable (I just sometimes lose my breath if I turn around too quickly in bed... I think she squishes my lungs or something if I'm not careful lol), it's usually just that I have to pee 085408954 times a night. And of course sometimes (like last night) I can't go back to sleep afterwards, so then I'm up for most of the night. I suppose it's good practice for when she's born, but I'm not a fan. I require a lot of sleep and it's been really difficult to work some days.


----------



## Starry Night

Pregnancy insomnia strikes again! I've been up for nearly 2 hours now just tossing and turning. At this point there is no fighting it anymore.


The in-laws are here. Got two more full days with them.

:brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat::brat:


----------



## Starry Night

Maybe I'm not being entirely fair, but I am so darn hormonal and my FiL is such a control freak and DS ran out of diapers (how did that happen???) and all the stores were closed and I just felt so closed in by loud, loud, loud that I am kind of losing it. Doesn't help that DH is kind of proud of me when I stand up to his parents or flip out on them. I think marrying me was his passive aggressive way of asserting his independence from them. They like to tell him what to wear so I'm guessing they had opinions on who he should marry, or at least, the type of girl he should marry and I'm guessing I wasn't it. Though they do like me. I just don't 'tow the line' (what DH says he likes about me but causes stress for me).

On a happier note: we found out that dh's cousins in the city are expecting again and are due about 1 1/2 months behind us. I have to admit that I'm a little annoyed they didn't tell anyone until the traditional 12 weeks because I feel like it just adds to the m/c stigma -- that it is somethign that is supposed to be secret. We are very, very open with our losses (in a non bitter way...it just is what it is) so it sort of feels like they think we should shut up. But that's my hormones talking. They've been nothing but kind and praying for us. And I'm thrilled to be having a baby with her. I hate being the only pregnant lady. Too much attention. I also have two friends at church pregnant with me so that also splits the attention. One friend was pregnant with me last time and our kids are best friends so I'm happy to be pregnant with her again.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, so sorry to hear about the in-laws driving you crazy. In-law drama can be so difficult to weather. It sounds like all-in-all you're doing a really good job of it!

I barely slept last night (about 3.5 hours), but was looking forward to a good afternoon. I have another doctor's appointment this afternoon, which is normally boring now but DH is coming with me this time and we were going to do maternity pictures, have dinner, and then tour the hospital birthing center afterwards. I found a great deal for the maternity pictures and I checked the website yesterday, which seemed to say there was a lot of availability this afternoon. But when I called to book the appointment, they said they were completely booked today. So I scheduled the shoot for Wednesday, but DH is annoyed because 1) he doesn't like having his picture taken anyway so he wasn't a big fan of this in the first place, and 2) we have to make a special trip to the studio, which is about 45 minutes from our house, but only about 10 minutes from my doctor's office. DH hates traveling to the city, so I was really hoping to squeeze everything we needed to do there into one day! It's not a huge deal because we don't have plans on Wednesday (other than a football game DH wants to watch), but I know that the second trip is going to make him grumpy, so I'm not looking forward to that. :nope:


----------



## Starry Night

Had another bad night's sleep. :wacko: My stomach feels a little off and DS is sick again. He threw up after lunch and dinner the other day and yesterday he wouldn't really eat anything. He even was refusing drinks so I had to syringe them in. He was already getting some dry diapers. Yet he is still busy and laughing and playing with his cousins so I have had to argue with my MiL non-stop about her constantly shoving food and treats into his face. She keeps insisting he has to eat and that it's bad he's not eating. I'm more concerned about his not drinking! You can go several days with minimal food. He's fine on that front. And eating just aggravates a sore tummy. Especially when it's treats! :growlmad: He even had a fever again yesterday.:nope: We really need to air our house out and get rid of this bug that just will not go away but all our windows are frozen shut. (It's *minus 50* with the wind chill today).

I'm just so sick of having to argue about all of my parenting decisions. I'm winning those arguments and dh is backing me up but I'm not a confrontational person so having to argue EVERYTHING and essentially being ignored (I might as well be talking to myself) is so draining. And FiL feels it is his duty to be a teacher to ds and make him learn to talk and say his numbers. He'll grab his face and make him stare at things or take his arm and pull him to something. I think he's way too rough but he won't listen to me. I am so stressed!!!!!!!!!!!! To be fair, my dad is a bit of a control freak too, but our whole family talks back and lets him know when he's getting that way...including my mom and he eventually backs down. Here, people just give in after awhile.


----------



## Carybear

red... congrats on V-day!


----------



## Starry Night

Oooh, today is V-day? Congrats!!!! :):):)


----------



## Topanga053

Red- yay for V-day!!! :happydance: You must be feeling so awesome! 

Starry- so sorry to hear that you're not sleeping well AND that both you and DS are feeling sick. :nope: Hopefully things turn around soon! And that's really frustrating about your in-laws. How much longer do you have with them again???

Afm, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. Little bit of protein in my urine, but no other signs of pre-eclampsia, so they're not worried. What I'm more concerned about is that I gained TEN POUNDS since my appointment TWO WEEKS AGO! Yikes! I didn't even know it was possible to gain ten pounds in two weeks!! The doctor didn't say anything about it (thank goodness!), but I just can't believe it. I have not been eating more than normal, unless I'm hungry (i.e. I eat a meal, give myself plenty of time to digest, and then only eat again if I'm still actually hungry). I haven't been eating as healthy as I could be, but I've definitely been working in fruits, veggies, juice, lean meats, etc. And I'm still waking up starving in the middle of the night sometimes! I'm getting a little worried about the weight gain, but I don't know what to do about it because I know I'm not overeating and sometimes I am *still* really hungry. (Like the other night, we had an early dinner of potroast and veggies around 5pm, then I had a plate of nachos at 9pm because I was starving, then I woke up at 2am starving again!)

I'm also taking comfort in the fact that it doesn't *look* like I'm gaining that much weight. DH was shocked when he heard how much I'd gained. He said he didn't think it looked like I'd gained anything recently, let alone 10 pounds The only place it's showing at all is my belly and that's measuring just fine for where I am. I don't care at all about the number on the scale... I just want to make sure that I'm healthy and not putting myself or baby at risk!


----------



## RedWylder

Thank you for remembering Cary!!!! And thanks for the well wishes from everyone else. I can't think of a better gift for the new year than knowing that my little girl has a high chance of surviving outside the womb now. For all women with previous miscarriages, this is one huge milestone!

I hear you guys on the sleep issue. I'm starting to have restless nights where I'm absolutely pooped but can't fall asleep.

Topanga- 10 lbs? sheesh! I wonder where it's going? Maybe baby had a growth spurt. I have my next m/w appointment this Thursday and I think I'm finally going to see some weight gain but with all this holiday eating, I'm afraid to know just how much I've gained.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red yahoooooooooo on V day :) it is such a milestone to reach :) you can banish the mc word from your worries for the remainder of the journey :)))) every day and week from now brings ya closer to your rainbow xxxxxxx happy new year


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - sometimes I think we just gain weight. It could even be water weight. If it is, whatever is from water retention should go away once the baby is born. And it's been the holidays so I think the doctors will understand. Everyone gains extra weight over the holidays.

I'm glad the doctors aren't worried about pre-eclampsia. I haven't started the screening yet and I'm wondering when it will. With my OB in my old province we had to give a urine sample every week starting at 10 weeks.

afm - everyone leaves tomorrow morning. Trying to hold on. The lack of sleep and DS being sick is really not helping matters. At least I can play the "pregnant card" and hide out in my room when I'm feeling especially grouchy and unfair. (I try to be fair to people and in my head I know they aren't bad people...just annoying...but my hormones are turning me into a pyscho and much less forgiving)


----------



## RedWylder

You can make it Starry! Hang in there. :)

Here are a few V-day bump photos.

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/24weeks2_zps67d1dbc8.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/5to24_zps413935f4.jpg


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh what a cute bump xx


----------



## rayraykay

such a cute bump!


----------



## Starry Night

Lovely bump! It's the perfect shape.


----------



## Left wonderin

rayraykay said:


> such a cute bump!

Look at all Slones hair and the fact its blonde !!! Don't think I've ever seen a baby with such thick blonde hair before xxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Me either! She's so precious.


----------



## Starry Night

I agree. :) My son was born with blond hair but not nearly that much.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry think your scan is today ?? Well best of luck with it :) I'm off back to work today . Only 11 working days till I'm done :) can't quite believe it !!!! Sooooo much to do . Have to get organised both to finish up and for the new arrival . Just a pity I can't muster up the energy and this big bump keeps getting in the way !!! You only realise how much you need to bend a carry things when ya can't do it any more !!!


----------



## skyesmom

Happy New Year ladies!!!! may the 2014 welcome all the growing rainbows in the easiest, healthiest possible way, and may it bring a rainbow to Cary and me too :))))

Topanga: so glad DH could assist the appointment and that despite some protein in the urine (which can be normal as your body is really doing a hard job now!!), there is no reason to worry for pre-eclampsia! phewwww!!!

Red: happy V-day!!! what a perfect bump you have!!! it is just amazing!!! it reminded me of the bloat bump i had when i was 5 weeks along with my angel.. i would wake up in the morning and be like your 5 weeks picture and end up being like the second one in the evening! but you could tell it was pure bloat and it didn't look anyhow cute like yours!!!!

Starry: good luck with your appointment and hang in there with the in-laws!!!

Left: wow, only 11 days of work? girl you're almost there, it's unbelievable how fast it went!!

Rayray: i have to second all the girls!!! I've never seen a baby with so much thick blonde hair!!!!! and she's quite dark-skinned too! she's just so so precious!!!

as for me: i've spent the most amazing days with my OH, we really spoiled each other... we've hardly left the bed ;) or seen any other people or even logged online! we just snuggled together and left the world outside the door... and then had a wonderful new year's eve with family and friends!!

massive :hugs: to all of you!


----------



## Starry Night

skye - that sounds like a lovely way to spend the day holidays!

left - enjoy your last few days at work. Let your oh do as much of the lifting as possible. ;) Soon that belly won't be much of a hindrance but you will have a lovely extra weight in your arms.

afm - scan is today! Really getting nervous, to be honest. I'm anxious about them finding some sort of complication. This pregnancy has been going too smoothly. I don't trust it. ha ha And of course I'm anxious about the gender. And I'm anxious about getting there on time. The referral letter says being late will mean I'll be rescheduled. It's tough to make appointments when you're 2 hours away and this will be in the hospital and I'm not exactly sure where we're going. The hospital's website doesn't have a very detailed map. Logistical stuff can stress me out too. bla!

But I slept well last night after a week of insomnia so that's good. And the house is ours again.

Oh no! DH just came in and said the van won't start. No, no, no!!! LOL It's so cold out and our block heater is broken so we can't even plug it in at night.


----------



## Topanga053

Ahh Starry, I hope the car started!!! And good luck with your appointment!!!! Let us know how it goes as soon as you can!!

Left- really??? Only 11 more days of work?? That's crazy! My boss would cry if I was leaving in 11 days. Lol he already joked that he wants me to bring work with me to the hospital when I go into labor. How long are you taking off altogether?? I plan on working up to my due date. If she's late, I'll probably work from home after the due date until she arrives.


----------



## Starry Night

I'm just glad we discovered it now and not 2 hours from now when we need to leave. dh is calling around to hopefully get someone to come give us a boost.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga053 said:


> Ahh Starry, I hope the car started!!! And good luck with your appointment!!!! Let us know how it goes as soon as you can!!
> 
> Left- really??? Only 11 more days of work?? That's crazy! My boss would cry if I was leaving in 11 days. Lol he already joked that he wants me to bring work with me to the hospital when I go into labor. How long are you taking off altogether?? I plan on working up to my due date. If she's late, I'll probably work from home after the due date until she arrives.

Yup ! 11 days . Here legally your forced to take 2 weeks prior to your due date as part of your 6 months maternity leave by law . You have no choice ! I also have weeks of annual leave left to take so I'm taking one of them to do the nursery ( well at least direct proceedings lol)


----------



## RedWylder

Good luck on the Nursery, Left. My hubby and I are trying to clean out the nursery room this week and it's soo stressful. Our house has barely any storage and we have a lot of hobbies so it's been really trying to figure out what to get rid of and where we can make room for things. Ugh.


----------



## Topanga053

Left wonderin said:


> [Yup ! 11 days . Here legally your forced to take 2 weeks prior to your due date as part of your 6 months maternity leave by law . You have no choice ! I also have weeks of annual leave left to take so I'm taking one of them to do the nursery ( well at least direct proceedings lol)

I completely forgot that you're in Europe. Much different maternity leave situation over there than here in the US! Here, I'm just grateful that I get any paid maternity leave... definitely a rarity over here! If you work in a larger company (50+ employees) here, they have to give you at least 12 weeks of *unpaid* time off, but not a lot of places offer *paid* maternity leave. I get 4 weeks of paid maternity leave, plus I can take short term disability (which is 2/3 pay) for the first 6 weeks after the birth. So, a total of 10 weeks leave, not including whatever personal leave I want to use. That's nothing compared to what you guys get, but a lot of people over here can't believe I get that much! DH asked his employer if he got anything and they were like, "you can use your personal leave or your 12 weeks unpaid." 

Although I will say that it would frustrate me to be legally *required* to take off at least 2 weeks before my due date. I'm a little bit of a workaholic (as in, my boss's joke about me working from the hospital is not totally off base... I would actually consider it) and it would drive me CRAZY to be off for two weeks with nothing to do other than housework. Even now, I definitely plan on bringing some work home while I'm on maternity leave. It doesn't help that my work gets quite a bit of media attention locally and there's a lot of political emphasis on my job, especially in the coming year, so any drop in productivity will DEFINITELY be noticed and discussed ad nauseum publicly.


----------



## Left wonderin

I'm a little bit of a workaholic myself !!! Being at home is going to be a BIG adjustment for me . I get itchy feet to get back to work after 2 weeks leave !! I keep being told by everyone around me that ill be too busy to notice not working !! And that priorities will change . I keep saying WE WILL SEE lol...


----------



## skyesmom

i was shocked about the US policy on maternity leave! apparently there are only four (4!!!) countries in the world without payed maternity leave and us is one of them, while other are poor countries in development (Lesotho, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea)! 

...in europe you can easily get up to a year, and in nordic countries there is also two months of paternity leave and you can actually negotiate and distribute the maternity year off between the two parnters, ie. first 6 months moms, and other 6 months dads get to stay at home!

that said, i'm a workaholic myself but honestly ALL of the workaholic women (even the ones that had a 60 hour working week and worked monday to sunday with me, up to their due date) totally changed after having their babies. they couldn't care less about coming to work, for at least six months. 

and even when they'd get itchy feet to go to work, separating from the baby and leaving them at daycare or with babysitters was tough for them all. especially going to work with a sick child at home. this changed a bit when the kids weaned and/or were about 1 year old and started walking and turned into toddlers from newborns, but still.

when a colleague of mine that used to send us emails from the hospital while in labor, didn't even CALL for 10-15 days to let us know it all went just fine, as she was so absorbed with her first baby, i gave up.
and the first months she was back to work, instead of listening to her business strategies during EVERY lunch break if she would ever take one, it was all baby and nappies and night colic and projectile vomiting talk.

...that said, i'm really happy i'm in europe, too. especially because being a workaholic myself, having a baby would balance me out a bit. and i can't believe the usa policy of no payed leave.

it is really really discriminating to women and yet people talk about equal rights.. come on! i wanna see men pop up a 8-9 lb of living human being out of them and then feed them million times 24/7 with their own body and THEN go work on top of that!! 

(sorry for the irony, but i'm a bit sensitive on this topic!)


----------



## Starry Night

Canada gives a year paid maternity leave too. Well, half of that is maternity leave and the other half is paternity leave but usually it's the mom who uses both. I think a decent maternity leave is required just so a woman can finish healing after labour, never mind bonding with the baby and breast feeding. I bled for 6 weeks after my son and then my first AF arrived just two weeks after that and it was super, duper silly crazy heavy. Nigh on m/c levels. I couldn't have worked through that!! I was borderline fainting for the first 4 days. I had to lie on the couch with DS lying on the floor or strapped into his bouncie seat all day.

But in Canada you can choose how long to work. Most girls will work right up until their due date so they can have as much time as possible off with their baby afterwards. I have read articles saying that maternity leave doesn't protect your jobs as well as it should. You still will come back to a job at your place of work because that is protected by law, but often women will return to suddenly find themselves in a lesser position with lesser pay and now have to answer to the "temps" who were hired while they were on leave.

I was always planning on becoming a SAHM after my son was born but I had been planning on working right up until the due date so I could still claim maternity. Being on bed rest changed that but at least I got a few months' worth of worker's comp.

Anyways....

I'm pretty sure my scan went well. The technician was following the hospital policy to the letter of the law so he really did not tell me anything. He asked if I wanted to know the gender and I said 'yes" so he said he would write it in my report so my OB could tell me later. Poo. He was kind so I couldn't get mad about it and I knew about the policy ahead of time . I was just hoping he'd bend the rules. Oh well. He DID say that the baby is measuring 5 days ahead so that is a very encouraging signs! :D

And in the potty shot I did see a serious lack of penis. I'm not an expert so I can't get too excited just yet but I saw two distinct lines with a little dot in between. I've read online that that usually means girl. Fingers crossed we got our princess!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry that would drive me crazy !!!!! Going all that way having the scan and leaving none the wiser !!!!!! How did you do it !!!!! When will you get feedback ???? Oooooh I so hope you get your princess :) xxxxxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

Starry you have the nerves of steel!!! what the heck is that hospital policy???? i would DIE out of curiosity if that would have happened (and i'm planning to have a yellow bump haha!!) oh god!! when can u talk with your OB??

fingers crossed it's a baby girl!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I have to wait two weeks to see my OB!! I'm going to be driving myself mental, let me tell you. I think I'm going to be looking up girl vs boy u/s pics the entire time.

The crazy thing is this hospital also has a fetal assessment department and they WILL tell you the gender as well as give you a free printout or two and your dh can sit in with you the entire appointment. I don't know why they don't just send all pregnant ladies there. But that department is for those needing non-routine scans. I got one with my son and the actual doctor who makes the official report came in at the end and explained everything. We got a print out of his face, his heart chambers (very neat) and his feet.

Now I'm kind of wishing we had sprung the $50 for the cd of images so I could obsessively go over them. Oh well.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, that's awful!! Can you call your OB and ask them to go over everything with you sooner??? 

One of the most fascinating aspects of this board to me is to learn how different doctor's offices/countries operate. My ultrasound tech told us the sex right away and confirmed that everything was fine, then we had an apt with my OB immediately afterwards to review everything in more detail. And I definitely can't get over the difference in maternity leave... one year in Canada (if the mom takes the dad's time)!?!?! That is INSANE to me!!!!! I'm just so used to living in a culture with little to no paid maternity leave that as awful as it is (I agree with you, Skye!!), it just seems like the norm, so it's always shocking to hear about such extensive leaves!


----------



## Starry Night

Probably not. If there is something wrong, then my OB will call me to go over the results sooner. I don't think the office would appreciate me calling "just" for the gender. When my son's blood work tested as high risk for spina bifida I got the call the next day.

If I don't hear anything over the next few days I have to assume everything with the baby is fine. All tests are that way no matter the issue. If you hear nothing...then you're fine. You have to call if you want to go over specific results.


----------



## Left wonderin

2 weeks !!!! That's torture !!!


----------



## Starry Night

I need something to distract myself! At least I can hold onto the fact the baby is doing OK. I'm feeling it move more everyday.


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies,

So DH and I got rear ended while running errands this afternoon. The roads are awful here and the girl behind us couldn't stop in time. She was going pretty slowly, but we still definitely got a huge jolt and DH's bumper is MESSED UP.

Of course, I immediately started crying, worrying about Lauren. Afterwards, I made DH take me to the ER, just so they could make sure everything was ok. She seems to be fine (HB was 136 and she's been kicking and no obvious signs of distress or injury), but talk about scary! I was also really unimpressed by my treatment there (I'll explain in another post when I'm on a keyboard and not my phone). Anyway, glad everything seems to be ok for now; I'll keep monitoring her movement, etc for the next few days and THANK GOD I have the Doppler at home!


----------



## skyesmom

oh my god!!! i had creeps just while reading your post!!! thanks god all three of you are ok! keep us posted please!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - I am so glad that you're all right! And baby Lauren too. So scary. One of my friends got in a car accident while pregnant and her baby is fine. Actually, my mom got in a really, really scary car wreck while pregnant with me. Her pregnant friend was with her and both me and her friend's baby are just fine. But definitely keep an eye on it. I'm sorry the staff at the ER were not more helpful.


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga I can totally relate to the fear. We hit a dear a few weeks ago and really had to slam on the brakes. The seatbelt was placed correctly below my belly but I could not shake to awful feeling that it might have gotten tight enough to squish my little girl. I'm sure Lauren is fine but I know how much it can shake you up.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga , I'm sorry to hear what a shock you must have gotten. I'm sure Lauren is just fine they are well protected in there ! But you were right to get checked . When my sis was 38 weeks we where in a car crash with me driving where car was ploughed into side on by a. Driver turning right breaking a red light !!!! Our car spun and ended up hitting a lamp post and bringing it down .i remember being so so scared !!! Well all turned out just fine . LO now HOlly aged 6 perfect . In fact she ended up staying put till 10 days after her due date .


----------



## RedWylder

Well my little girl has been a wiggle worm lately. It feels so dang weird! I love it at the same time it's like holy crap I have an alien in there poking around. :)


----------



## Starry Night

It's a neat feeling, isn't it? :cloud9: Mine feels like it's tap dancing or doing the Riverdance in there.


----------



## rayraykay

Topanga I am so sorry- I am glad to hear Lauren is okay. She is well protected in there. I am so happy you have a doppler too. It helped me so much all the time, even in the later stages when you can feel the little one move all around. Keep us updated, I hope you are able to get some good rest tonight.

Starry- SO HAPPY to hear about your scan! I can't believe you have to wait 2 weeks!!! AHH! Enjoy your son and maybe try and do something fun? I dunno!! I would go insane waiting!!! It sounds like it could be your little girl too :) How fun. 

Thank you for all the compliments regarding Sloane. I feel so friggin lucky to be her momma. 

xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

Topanga, I'm so glad to hear that you and your family are ok. How many weeks do you and Left have?

Left... So glad you're almost there! 

Rayray... Sloane is absolutely adorable. It must be awesome.

Starry, I so could not wait two weeks.. I'd be on the phone with the OBGYN begging for information. Hoping that it is hello princess for ya!!!!

Red... It must be amazing to feel your LO moving all around. I'm so happy for ya!

Anchor how is Evelyn?

Skyesmom... how are ya? Are you TTC now?

Ilovemyhubby how are you? How are things going?

AFM... Back to work... My DH and I joined up with a company so that is keeping us busy! Now I have 2 full time jobs and 1 part-time... But I believe it will pay off in the end, and really it helps to take my mind off things.

I pray everyone is having a FANTASTIC start to their new year! I can't wait to hear about the next batch of babies to be born. How cool would it be if Lauren and Sean were to be born on the same day!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - wow....that sounds really busy. How do you have 2 full-time jobs at once? Don't the hours conflict or do the jobs overlap? I'm glad you seem so upbeat about it.

afm - speaking of jobs, my dh just lost his. He has to have a 3 month grace period to finish out the contract, but after that it's done. We weren't totally satisfied here so I think in the end it will work out for the best but it's still a little stressful wondering what is going to happen next. Our long-term goal is to move back to our hometown (we're both very homesick) but we're staying put for the foreseeable future.

On a brighter note: I'm a day away from officially being half-way!!! More and more I am starting to expect this to be my rainbow. I know anything can happen but I'm starting to assume my baby will be arriving alive in May.


----------



## skyesmom

starry - i am so sorry for your OHs job, but wow!! half way through tomorrow!!!! where did the time go??? so so excited for you! it is your forever rainbow here <3

cary - 2 full times and a part-time?? how the heck do you manage that?? wonderwoman!

as for me, we're NTNP :)))))))) AF just arrived for this cycle so i'm out but to my great surprise the disappointment didn't hit me like it used to a year ago... it used to feel like a bowling ball in my stomach each time. i'm so relieved about not stressing about it this time around! 

actually ideally, i'd love the bean to be conceived from march on as february has a crazily intense work schedule for me, i'll be traveling a lot and honestly, going though the first weeks of the first tri on the road would pretty much drive me nuts from worry!


----------



## Starry Night

Baby is a bit quieter today and I hate when that happens. It's still a bit early to feel it all the time and last night I had a hard time falling asleep because it was using my cervix as a trampoline. It's allowed to have a quiet day. But I still hate it. Of course, it will probably start doing the Riverdance in there later on today. It is usually busy in the early morning and later in the evening.


----------



## Carybear

Starry... I'm sure the baby is just chilling a little.... Needs some down time.
So sorry to hear about the job. Is he starting to put out feelers??? Maybe you will find something in your hometown. How wonderful to be close to family! This is your rainbow and you deserve it! Still praying for a little princess for you!

Red, have you decided on Piper for sure? That is such an adorable name. It makes me think of a little pixie...

My second full time job is worked from home and all day sunday  It may not require a full 40 hours but sometimes it feels like it... I just don't get a paycheck for that one... at least not at the moment... The part time job is actually doing great and will, I believe, in a few months allow me to quit my regular job, something I would really like to do at some point...


----------



## Starry Night

skye - good luck as you ntnp. I really hope your rainbow comes soon!

cary - right now we're putting out the feelers locally. We need to save a down payment and houses in our hometown are more costly than here so we need to have a way to pay the bills now and start to save. We're confident God will show us the way and that this is what He wants. We've been praying loads and it's one of those situations where he would have quit in the near future if he hadn't been let go. He does have a 1/4 time job lined up and there is a possibility of another part time job but we have to wait until the spring to find out for sure. It's a government job and they're reworking the rules and contracts so it won't open until the spring...when his current contract runs out. It's only part time but being government-run it pays really, really well. He just needs to look for a third part time job. If I weren't pregnant I might have looked for a temp job too. We're hoping a third job would let him put all of his 1/4time job's pay into savings.

And I hope your work plans come together. It's frustrating when we're stuck in a job we need but no longer fits us. :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

We have all but finalized the name Piper but we still call her baby for now. We're still deciding on the middle name and we don't plan on making any sort of announcement until she's born. I want to avoid being swayed one way or another by people's opinions but we both still love it. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

I love it too :) we are also definite about our name but baby it is for now !


----------



## Carybear

It is really cute! I understand the wanting to keep it under wraps though. When my sister was pregnant with my niece she wanted to name her Ashley Elizabeth. Her best friend was due a few months before her and took the name :-(... So my niece ended up being Jennifer Lynn instead.


----------



## Starry Night

I love the name Piper! :) 

We're keeping our names secret too. It's one way to keep some of the surprise and guesses for everybody else. And it spares us the "wah wah, I don't like that name" from opinionated people. We also like to tease people with fake names for the baby. The fake names are usually ones that generally not liked or we know the person specifically hates.

Right now we're calling the baby "Perry" as in "Perry the Parasite". LOL DH came up with it after I said it felt like the baby was draining the life out of me.


----------



## RedWylder

Parasite has been used several times in our house too. :) We also pick random silly names to call her. Lately she's been Gwenifer Gwendolyn. I think I have a hard time using Piper because I can't see her face. I like to associate names with faces so it just doesn't feel right using it.


----------



## Topanga053

Ha! Parasite makes me giggle. I think I've mentioned that early on we named her Mooch (because she steals my food and energy). Even though we've officially named her, DH still pretty much only calls her Mooch.


----------



## skyesmom

hahaha sweet!!! i wonder what faces will our LOs make as teenagers when we confess how we called them while they were pickling in there for 9 months!


----------



## Starry Night

"Pickling". I love it! ha ha "Pickle" is a good baby nickname. hee hee

afm - turning into a right, old fatty. This past week the extreme hunger has hit. I'm always, always starving. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to suppress the urges to eat as I get the shakes and feel faint unless I grab a bite or two. No matter how well-rounded my meals are, I am STARVING a few hours later. And healthy snacks don't satiate me. I feel sick until I have a cookie or a piece of chocolate or several slices of cheese (cheddar cheese is becoming the big craving at the moment) I had mananged to get my weight gain under control but now.....


----------



## skyesmom

Starry maybe your baby is going through a growth spurt and is demanding extras???


----------



## RedWylder

Hahaha Starry, you're cravings sound like mine. I told my husband the other day that I needed I had a "sweet tooth" and a "cheese tooth". I could survive on those items.


----------



## anchor08

Hi everyone, sorry to be quiet for so long! I have been following along and thinking about all of you. Such an exciting time! Rayray, I don't think I every congratulated you on beautiful Sloane. I hope you're doing well with her and getting the help and support you need. Any exciting new developments?

I started emerging from the fog of the first few weeks and then my family came to visit, then we just had a few days rest and now my in-laws are here. On the one hand it's great that they waited because the early days were such a blur, but on the other hand I feel like now we are just starting to play with establishing a routine and with the visitors it's all a bit random again. We'll be fine though -- my family was excited to do lots of fun things around Cape Town (which I enjoyed as well, but it was too tiring in the end), but my in-laws will be more low-key and hold Evelyn while I take a nap!

She is getting so big, and since about 7 weeks she is doing a lot more -- holding eye contact, tracking objects, responding to faces, smiling, etc. It's harder to get her to take naps because the world is so much more stimulating than it used to be, but it's also fun that she's awake more and easier to play with. Nights are inconsistent, but sometimes we get longer stretches of sleep as well. 

Here are some low-res phone pictures -- it's hard to capture a smile, she's quick!
 



Attached Files:







IMG-20140103-00286.jpg
File size: 36.6 KB
Views: 3









IMG-20140108-00296.jpg
File size: 29 KB
Views: 5


----------



## Starry Night

I'm glad I'm not the only one! With DS I honestly felt like if I didn't eat a brownie I would die. :haha: This time I'm glad I don't have a brownie craving. Those are far too quick and easy to make.

I weighed myself and I've gained 5 pounds since I last weighed myself about 4 weeks so it's not as bad as I thought. I just have to get myself back under control now before it gets worse.


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - it seems we posted at the same time. And what a sweetie your little girlie is! I love that baby smile! Enjoy your time with the inlaws. She is still young so it shouldn't be too hard to get back into a routine. And don't be afraid to insist on certain things if you can see Evelyn is getting stressed. You'll start to figure out just how far off you can go from the routine before baby begins to protest. For us, we can have 2 crazy days in a week before DS throws in the towel and turns into an absolute monster. Just pick which parts of the routine are the most important to maintain. For us, we make sure DS goes to bed and naps at the same time as meals are unpredictable with a house full of guests.

And I'm eating a bowl of fruit. Everyone be proud of me. LOL


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor hi:) she is adorable and growing at some rate !!!!! How do you every put her down she is so cute :) sounds like you have been a busy lady !!!


----------



## skyesmom

Anchor she is amazing!! and i am super proud of you Starry!!!


----------



## Carybear

yeah for the fruit starry!!!!

Anchor she is just precious!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary :) how are things with you ? How are you doing theses days apart from work ?? Have you any plans to chart again soon or are you leaving it all in Gods hands for now ??


----------



## Carybear

Hi Left! Things are going good... I'm extremely tired these days but life is good. I just went to see a friend whose baby is just about a month old. She is very sweet. I have no doubt that my time is coming.

At this point I do not have the strength or energy to chart. We are completely leaving it in God's hands. For the time being, I am rejoicing with you all as you get closer to holding your rainbows. And i know that when it is my time you all will rejoice with me


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I'm delighted to hear your doing ok , I think of you often and keep you in my prayers . I have no doubt your time is coming just when it should . The day you announce your BFP I'm having a celebration :)))


----------



## skyesmom

Left wonderin said:


> Cary I'm delighted to hear your doing ok , I think of you often and keep you in my prayers . I have no doubt your time is coming just when it should . The day you announce your BFP I'm having a celebration :)))

dito! :happydance: i'll throw a party for that too! :happydance:


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I think I'm going to jump around the house the day you get your bfp. LOL I am glad that you're staying so up beat. I'm sure it's not always an easy choice to make! It's something I always struggle with, that's for sure.

afm - my appointment is today and really, really hoping to find out the gender...finally! The OB said she'd tell us if the technician didn't and the tech had said he knew what it was so I think we should find out one way or the other. After two weeks waiting I don't want to hear "inconclusive". eeeks! However, we are supposed to be getting a blizzard followed by freezing rain today. Why today??? We'll just have to leave super early so we can take our time.


----------



## skyesmom

Starry!!!!! keep us posteddddd!!!! aaaa i'm all pins and needles now!


----------



## RedWylder

Oh Starry I can't wait to know! 

Anchor, Evelyn is so sweet. I bet she's getting more fun with her little smiles.

I'm sorry I'm not around much, I hardly have energy to type. I follow though. I've definitely taken on as much as I can handle this semester. I am taking 2 really tough distance ed Biology/Lab courses that I'm doing in my "spare" time between teaching and volunteering at the Fire Dept and making a baby. I'll be pushing myself to the limit but I hope it's all worth it. In the mean time.. take care every one! <3


----------



## Starry Night

Well, after hitting white-out conditions on the way to the city we made it to our appointment safe and sound and.....

It's a GIRL!!!:cloud9::cloud9:

Mother's intuition wins the day once again. lol


----------



## Carybear

Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh! Oh My Gosh!!!!!!!! I'm jumping up and down and thanking God for answering prayers.... STARRY!!!! I'm so excited for you!!!! Now... eat some more fruit and give her all the healthy stuff she needs!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

That is so exciting Starry!!!! Congrats on the little princess.


----------



## Left wonderin

Awhhhhh a princess :) I'm thrilled for you and Oh :) oooooh now you get to shop for pink things !!!! You won't feel the time now going Starry till you meet her xxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

this is the pinkest rainbow thread ever!!!! CONGRATS STARRY!!!!! AAAAAAWWWWWW YEAH!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Guess your little man Left is the little prince among all the princesses... ;-)


----------



## Starry Night

I was thinking he had his own harem but that's not exactly progressive. LOL Maybe fan club......ha ha

I also need to report that everything on the scan was perfect. I have never had a normal pregnancy before and was sure they'd find something to be concerned about. Also, my results from my downs' syndrome and spinda bifida tests came back all clear. Next appointment (in 4 weeks) I go for some more blood work. Not sure what is all involved. And then 4 weeks after that I go for my GD screening. So I'll be about 28 weeks I think.

And I didn't do it on purpose, but one of the bodysuits I bought yesterday has a rainbow on the front. I didn't make the connection until we were on the way home.


----------



## Topanga053

Aww Starry!!!!! Congratulations!!!! Skye is right-- this IS the most girly rainbow thread ever!!!

Red- try to relax every once in awhile!!! I have the same tendancy to overdo it, so I totally get it. We'll miss you when you're too tired to chime in!! 

Afm, 36+2 today and have definitely been feeling a lot more cramps and pains in the last few days. I'm starting to wonder if she's going to come early, but I guess we'll have to just wait and see! We had the baby shower last weekend and it went really, really well. It was so great to see all of our friends/family and everyone was so generous... we're still trying to sort through all of the stuff and find a place to put it!! Otherwise, just a LOT of stress from work and real estate issues and finances and getting stuff ready for her. I know it will all work itself out, but definitely feeling massively overwhelmed this week. Prayers would be much appreciated!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey bump buddy I'm with ya with the aches and pains , loads of very uncomfortable BH too !!! Heartburn at all time worst , doc says baby butt pushing up my diaphragm which is causing it ! Noting to be done about it but wait till becomes out lol.....

I'm finished up work tommrow :) dying to put my feet up . YEAH RIGHT I've sooooooo much to do , the complete nursery , pack my bags , wash clothes , buy a new car , do a major house clean ... The list is endless !!! 

Topanga we are on labour watch from next Tuesday :) how exciting !!! I'm sorry your overwhelmed ill say a quick prayer for ya xxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Gosh you guys are hitting full term and I'm hitting 3rd tri on Tuesday! That's insane! How did I get so far along? lol Wait how did you guys get so far? Hahaha...on one hand it's gone by soooo slow and on the other it seems like yesterday I had my first miscarriage.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - wow, 3rd tri already! That's so exciting!

afm - my SiL is now over a week overdue. She switched to midwife care very last minute (long story) and now the midwife won't induce her until she's past 42 weeks. She's never been able to go into labour on her own before but she's had a bad experience with induction so it would be nice if that wouldn't be needed this time. And now, with her baby being so overdue, the birthday won't be anywhere close to my angel's so I am hoping its arrival won't be so painful. I'm actually kind of getting excited for it even though it will be several months before we can fly out to meet her. (I'm not flying pregnant unless I absolutely have to....it's not fun)


----------



## Topanga053

So I think I told you ladies that I had a little bit of protein in my urine at my last apt? I had another apt on Thursday and there was a little more protein in my urine and my BP was really high. So I got put on bed rest for Friday and then had to go back in the afternoon for more tests. The numbers were better on Friday, but still elevated. My doctor said if they hadn't gone down, I would have been going straight to the hospital. So anyway, I'm not on strict bed rest, but I'm supposed to keep it really easy (working minimally from home, fewer chores around the house, etc) until I deliever. And I'm on continued pre-eclampsia watch. I have two appointments next week (Monday and Thursday) to keep an eye on my numbers. I haven't asked her yet, but I got the impression my OB thinks I'll be delivering early. We'll see what happens!! In the meantime, just starting the transition out of work, resting a lot, and making sure my hospital bag is ready to go! Crazy that it might be here even sooner than I thought!


----------



## Carybear

Saying a prayer for you Topanga! Looks like we will have another little princess soon.


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - I'm glad the numbers are better than they were. I know it will be hard, but take it easy and just relax. You can always get to the house chores after your baby is here. Not much longer until you meet her! :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga it sure is a rollercoster at this stage anything can happen any day !! I am on day one of no work and its weird but just in time as I really am not sleeping at night at all !!! Its just dawned on me this weekend how close to the end I am so PANICED and packed my bags lol..... All done now ..... Hospital appointment for me today lets see how I get on . 

As for you Topanga get as much rest as you can in the lead up to the big event :) any day now we will be mums :)


----------



## anchor08

Wow Starry, YAYYYYY!!!!!!!! for a girl! Such a blessing, especially after all you've been through. It's so great to hear you talking about buying clothes for her and scheduling third-trimester appointments. Did I miss your V-Day, or is it coming up? Either way, lots of celebrating on your behalf.

Topanga, I hope you're able to relax as you rest, even though it's not by choice and it might be a stressful situation. Numbers going down in response to rest is great, and also that they're keeping a close eye on you. I can't believe you and Left are so close, can't wait to hear all the updates!

Rayray, I hope you're doing well too. No pressure to update, just know that we're thinking of you and cheering you on. It really is boot camp, but I know you're doing great!

Photo: Evelyn and Nonnie (my mother-in-law)
 



Attached Files:







IMG-20140120-00312.jpg
File size: 43.3 KB
Views: 5


----------



## RedWylder

Anchor she is such a cutie! I can definitely tell a little personality is blooming. :) 

Left/Topanga it would be awesome if you guys delivered on the same day too!! Then you could be bump AND birthday buddies. :)

Starry...v-day must be coming up soon right? It's such a wonderful milestone to hit. I can tell how much it's eased my mind. Now I don't think so much about loosing my baby. I think more about "what if I had her now" but the scenarios always end with a living baby in my mind so that's wonderful. :)


----------



## skyesmom

wow, Topanga and Left, when did you get SO close???

Topanga - you always sounded like a hard working, very energetic and busy woman, no wonder some rest does you good :) you deserve it girl!! i keep my fingers crossed your protein levels drop even more...

...and yes sharing a birthday with Left would be just insane!

Red - the 3rd tri!!!

this end of the winter will be full of things to celebrate: two rainbows born and Starry hitting the V-day and another rainbow almost getting there... yay! and Cary, who knows, maybe we join them :)


and Anchor - Evelyn is gorgeous!


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies! Thanks for the thoughts! My 24 hour urine sample had protein, but not enough for pre-eclampsia so the official diagnosis for now is gestational hypertension (my BP was up again on Monday) and my doctor is watching to make sure it doesn't develop into pre-eclampsia. I feel fine (other than the obvious), but I'm on partial bed rest until delivery (can do some work from home, some chores, etc, but generally need to take it easy). They're going to monitor me and I get weekly ultrasounds now, yay!! If my numbers get worse or Lauren is in distress, they will induce me early. My doctor also said she won't let me go one day beyond my due date with these numbers, so if I'm not in natural labor by Feb. 11, they'll induce me. Our first ultrasound is tomorrow morning and I am so excited to see Lauren again!!!! 

Starry- When IS V-day???

Anchor- awww she is adorable!!!!

Cary & Skye- your future LOs are just waiting for this batch of rainbows to be born so they don't have to share the limelight with any other babies! ;-)


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - have fun seeing Lauren again! And try to enjoy taking it easier these last few weeks. And I'm glad you don't have pre-eclampsia. 

afm - V day is in two weeks! :) Though I don't know our hospital's specific policy. I was going to ask last time but I forgot.


----------



## RedWylder

Hey ladies, what do you know about breast pumps? I want to get a professional grade one (covered by insurance) and any brand works so I can literally buy the best. I hear it's between Medela, Avent, and Ameda brands. Thoughts?


----------



## Starry Night

I have a Medela. It seemed to work pretty well but with DS I wasn't able to pump. Even the ones at the hospital only got a few drops out of me. I have heard some women aren't able to pump. But I was told that Medela is the best and it was the brand my hospital used.


----------



## rayraykay

LADIES!! HIII!!!! I am SO sorry I've been gone for a little while. 

Starry you get your princess!!! YAHOOO!!! So thrilled for you & a healthy pregnancy. Wonderful, wonderful, WONDERFUL!!!

When did Red, Topanga & Left get so close?! Time freakin FLIES! Myyyyyyy goodness! Topanga- I am sorry abou tthe hypertension diagnosis but I am SO happy it's not pre-e. Take it easy girlfriend! Enjoy the last few weeks of pregnancy.. even when they drag on. It's time you never get back!

Anchor your baby girl is GORGEOUS. I love her! 

Hi Skye! Hi Cary! How are you ladies?

AFM- Sloane is 5 weeks old as of yesterday. Once again, wow...!!! Times flies. She and I are doing well. She is such a calm sweet baby. She has a "witching hour" in the evening.. where she is much more fussy. She eats so well tho, and takes bottles so my husband can feed her too. She sleeps for about three 3-4 hour periods at night so I am not too sleep deprived. My husband does night duty on the weekends, bless his heart. She sleeps in a rock n play next to our bed for now... when she is around 8 weeks old I am going to have her take naps in her crib in her room which is right next to ours to get her used to it. My goal is to have her sleeping in her crib at night around 12-15 weeks. Sleep training... not looking forward to it. Some nights like last night.. she is going thru a growth spurt.. she mostly slept in our bed. Something I said I would "never do" before she came. HAHA! So funny to think of that now. Sometimes when she is eating more often, it's easier just to nurse laying down, and I always fall asleep. Hey, she's only this young once. 

I have a medela as well. I love it. It's been fabulous so far... really effective! I would highly recommend it.


----------



## Starry Night

I can't believe Sloane is 5 weeks already! And I don't know what it is about evenings but most little babies get fussy around then. DS was the same. Good luck with your sleep training. I forget the exact method we used with our son but he was eager to sleep at night so that helped. Sloane sounds like an easy-going gal so she should go along with it once you find something that works.

afm - my sweet DD (love being able to type that!) was kicking up a storm this morning. I could actually see them. It was the most obvious kicks I've gotten yet. She's normally just wiggly but I guess she was feeling enthusiastic today. She seems to respond to the voices of children and DS was being loud. DS was the same way and is now very social so I'm wondering if his sister will share that quality with him.

My SiL is getting induced tomorrow so by the end of the week I'll have a new little niece. I feel happy that I'm actually getting excited for her arrival. I also feel badly that my SiL has never been able to get into labour on her own. She'll be 2 full weeks overdue tomorrow. I hope everything goes smoothly. By the time I get to go out to visit her though my own LO will be 3 months old (not flying before first round of vaccinations)


----------



## skyesmom

awww Starry!!! it is a true gift from heavens, you talking about your DD! funny how some character traits can be spotted from the womb on and then kept later through the lifetime. i always found that impressive!


----------



## Topanga053

Ray- so exciting that Sloane is doing so well!! And 5 weeks... oh my goodness!!! How is that possible??

Starry- love hearing you say DD!!

Afm, ultrasound yesterday morning went very well. Lauren is measuring just over 7 pounds and everything looks good. At my apt in the afternoon though, my BP was in the 160s (my nurse was shocked I didn't feel any symptoms). My doctor did an exam and I'm 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced. She sent me to the hospital so they could monitor my BP and run tests to keep checking for pre-e and she said she thought they would probably just induce me since I was already heading toward labor on my own. Anyway, after a few hours of observation, normal BP, and normal labs, the doctor there decided to discharge me to try to let me get just a little further along, since I just hit term a few days ago. The machine showed I am having some contractions, but they're still few and far in between. So for now, we're back home and totally on pins and needles!!!! I'm doing another 24 hour urine test (agh!!) and have an apt on Monday to check my BP and cervix, assuming I don't go into active labor before then! The up and down with my BP is getting frustrating and now we're totally on pins and needles, knowing I'm already partially dilated, mostly effaced, and feeling more and more cramps!!!


----------



## skyesmom

Topangaaaaaaaaaa!!!! that sounds like Lauren is gonna come ANY day now!!!!!!! if i were you i would avoid induction unless absolutely necessary because it sounds like Lauren is getting ready to meet you any day now on her own!!! and since it's baby that triggers the labor when she's ready (not the mother! baby's brain makes a hormone when she's ready and sends it to yours via bloodstream and then your brain receives it and starts off with the labor... amazing!!!)... i'm kinda against the induction unless it is necessary because of your BP and a possible pre-e... but to me it sounds like she is gonna meet you soon!

were you also an early-coming baby?? 

rayray - it is so great to hear from you again!! sloane is so precious on your avatar pic!! i can't imagine how perfect she must be in real life!! so glad she's not giving you too much trouble! ahhh the blondie head of hair!!

afm - looking forward to this year :) i already know i'm out this cycle but as i said, we decided not to strictly TTC for the sakes of our mental health :) no charting no temping and re-learning how to enjoy our private times again!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - sounds both exciting and stressful! Really sounds like Lauren is super eager to meet her mommy and daddy! :) Stress can affect BP so anything that can help you relax would be good. Not sure what to suggest though as I know I'd be a wreck in your case too. LOL

skye - sorry you're not 'in' for this cycle but I do appreciate your positive, relaxed outlook. Have fun learning to enjoy each other again! :)

afm - DS is dealing with a stomach bug that just will not go away. We're on day 3 now. *sighs* He's the type of kid who sickness does not slow him down in any way so it's hard to tell he's still sick. I can only tell because he wakes up in the morning covered in barf and now he has diarrhea. I'm trying to get him to sit still so he can rest but that's not really happening. He is desperate to go outside in the snow but I am not about to let him do that sick. It's annoying because he was JUST sick over Christmas. I don't know how he keeps getting it and I am desperate to avoid getting sick myself.

Also, not sure what to make of it, but I have to give up sex as it is way too painful. I had brought it up to my OB last time and she suggested lubricant but we tried it last night and it did nothing. I feel like everything is on fire inside and last night I even got bit of a pinkish hue to my discharge afterwards. It was only a small dab but enough for us to decide that we can't do pregnant sex. I haven't been showing any other signs of infection so maybe my body just does not like pregnant sex....which is unfortunate.....we weren't allowed to do it while pregnant with DS and even though it's for the greater good, it's still hard on the relationship for both of us. We both miss that form of intimacy. :(


----------



## skyesmom

hmmm my friend had that kind of burning pain inside when she wasn't pregnant but she was virgin so she didn't initially suspect it was anything more than a horrendous first time sex, but it persisted later and... turned out she had a silent form of yeast infection that gave no other symptoms. could u get checked for that??? also pink hue could be due to that you know. sorry to hear you and your OH are going through this again :/


----------



## Starry Night

I have been curious about a symptomless infection. I will have to give my doctor a ring. I just never know if I should call my OB or my GP.


----------



## rayraykay

Topangaaa!!! My goodnesssss any day now!! I am so excited for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers, I am sending you constant love for a happy healthy labor! I am sorry about the high BP tho.. It's always something isn't it? Everything is going to be okay, and you will soon have Lauren in your arms!!!

Sounds like a good plan Skye- I got pregnant with Sloane on a cycle that I didn't temp, no ovulation tests, nothing. Just kept having sex haha. There was something very releasing about just having fun with it. You got it this year lady! I can feel it.

Starry- ugh painful sex. I am SO not looking forward to the first time DH & I have sex after giving birth. Everyone & their mother (literally) have told me how bad it hurts. I think I am gonna wait awhile. Luckily, my husband is more than understanding and isn't pressuring me at all. I am so sorry about DS being sick- it's been a REALLY bad flu season here in Oregon. I have been very careful about taking Sloane out. It's been hard cause I wanna get used to taking her places by myself... but I also don't want to get her sick whatsoever.

AFM- Sloane is a very calm, sweet baby. Last night she slept from 9-12:30, 1-4:50, 5:30-8:30 then a morning nap from 10-11:30. I feel like I have hit the jackpot. I can't get over how much I love her. Her blonde hair is still there! None fell out! I will post a photo in a few.

xoxo


----------



## Carybear

Topanga... Sending prayers for a happy and healthy delivery!!!


----------



## Starry Night

rayray - once it's time to get your groove 'thang' on, just remind hubby to be slow, tender and gentle! You can always finish him in other ways if need be. ;) Even after my section I was very tender inside for awhile (I did get to full dilation so that must have been a factor). But if you go easy for the first few times it does get better. Just pretend you're a virgin again. ha ha

My OB called back and she wants to take a look at me but during my next appointment....3 weeks away! Oi. In the meantime, no sex. *sighs* I'm to call if the pain becomes constant or I get more spotting but the pinkish discharge was probably from the sex itself. DH got a bit enthusiastic at one point, LOL. 

And I'm an auntie!!! Feeling sad as I can't rush off to the hospital to go meet her. I was able to see both her siblings at the hospital but now we live so far away. I gave my mom strict instructions to give her a kissie for me and to email me loads of photos.


----------



## skyesmom

ohhh congrats auntie Starry!! i am so so happy that all went well and that you are also excited about it!! :) :) :)

rayray - ouch! i never though about the first time sex post birth.. thanks for the warning!! haha there's still so much road to go till there but at least i hope it will cross my mind before OH and i start a rodeo after being off sex for a while!!

can't wait for Sloane's pics, she is so very beautiful!

Topanga, i second Cary here: prayers and wishes for a healthy delivery!!!

....and Ilovemyhubby, are you anywere around? how are you?


----------



## Starry Night

I've been thinking about iluvmyhusband too. I hope all is well with her and baby wherever she is.

I've been starting to feel sorry for myself. I was looking at the photos of my whole family celebrating together in the hospital room and I felt so jealous and left out (even though I know I'm a 24 hour drive away). And then it hit me that not only am I missing out on visiting my niece, but that my own daughter's entry to the world will have no family around to come visit me in the hospital. I remember with DS how sad and lonely I felt without visitors (didn't help that my roommate was CONSTANTLY getting visitors and DS was in NICU). So yeah....feeling sad and lonely right now.


----------



## rayraykay

I also wonder about iluvmyhubby. If you see this...hi! Hope you're doing well!

Ahh thank you for the tips starry. Slow & gentle will definitely be the way to go. Congrats Auntie!!! I'm so sorry you can't be there & that you're so far away from family. That's so tough. Although they won't be there in the flesh I am sure your family will be thinking of you and come as soon as they can. I wish I could come visit you!!! I'm still so thrilled for you that you get your little girl. 

Skye I'm still really vibing that you'll get your rainbow very soon. Enjoy the process of making that little cutie. Sex & making a baby is meant to be fun! It's just sad that all of us had that innocence ripped away by our tragedies but... I really noticed when I let go of the temping and such... It was easier to relax and enjoy the process.

How are you red? Left? What are you up to this weekend?

Topanga how are you feeling? Thinking of you! 

Hi Cary!!! xoxoxoxo 

I'm gonna post some pics now... Sorry in advance that they aren't right side up my phone posts them sideways & I dunno how to change it! If anyone knows let me know haha :)

Love to all!


----------



## rayraykay

Here she is grabbing my hair haha
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 36.6 KB
Views: 5


----------



## rayraykay

Loves her kitty friend :)
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 34.7 KB
Views: 5


----------



## rayraykay

One more-sorry!

She loves bath time
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 27.9 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Ray... She's so beautiful!


----------



## Starry Night

aw, she's so darling! I love her expression in the first one. What a stinker! LOL And I am so glad she likes baths. DS screamed every day in his bath for the first 8 months or so. ha ha Once he discovered he could splash mommy and daddy then he started to like it.

bla....both dh and I are catching DS' stomach bug. So far it's just mild so as long as I don't eat too much I should be OK...I hope. DS woke up without any barf in his bed so I'm hoping he's on the mend.


----------



## skyesmom

rayray she is AMAZING!!! what a little cutie!! and looks so sweet with a kitty <3 <3 <3 she is so precious! and my god how much hair!!

Thanks for those vibes by the way, i can't wait and i think the little sneaky rainbow will come this year!!


----------



## RedWylder

Rayray she's soooo cute! I love all that blonde stuff on her head!! I've seen a lot of brunette babies lately so she seems special to have so much light hair. Definitely a cutie.

I also think of Ilovemyhubby occasionally. She seems to visit when she needs to and then goes away while passign time. I hope she comes back and visits us 20 weeks preggo!

Im doing well, ray, thanks for asking. I'm feeling good physically but I'm struggling to stay on top of life stress so that it doesn't suck my soul away and with that the last few months I have with my daughter all to myself. Balance is key and I am just going to have to ditch some of my responsibilities at work/home/firedept, etc. 

Skye- I'm with rayray, when I finally ditched TTC with charting, temping etc. and just enjoyed my time with hubby I felt rejuvenated and free. And then I got my rainbow. Your's is just around the corner!


----------



## RedWylder

It's quiet...how's everyone?


----------



## Starry Night

Not much is going on. Just trying to pass time, I guess. This pregnancy is really dragging for me. I'm always nervous something is going to happen so I want the end of May to get here. I know every moment in life is precious and I shouldn't wish them away but I just want my baby to be here safe and sound. Then time can slow down.

I've been taking things easy as I get cramps really easily and now we've all had the stomach bug all last week and this weekend. The chores have really piled up.


----------



## Topanga053

I'm still in a holding pattern. I had an appointment yesterday and my blood pressure, while still high, was closer to the normal range. Given the number of elevated BP and protein readings though, my OB has officially diagnosed me with mild pre-eclampsia. Not exactly a big surprise at this point. I'm still 3cm (grrr!), so no progress there. I have another ultrasound Thursday morning to keep monitoring Lauren. If I haven't gone into labor by next week, my OB wants to start talking about a plan to induce me around my due date. So, for now, just waiting to see if labor starts and keep making sure that me and Lauren are still healthy and keeping the pre-e under control!

In non-baby related things, tomorrow is my birthday. I'm going out to brunch and shopping with my parents in the morning and then in the evening, DH and I are going to his mom's house for dinner. I'm looking forward to getting out!

How's everyone else? Left, it's been awhile since you've chimed in. Is everything ok?


----------



## Starry Night

Oooh, an early Happy Birthday to you!


----------



## skyesmom

it's already tomorrow on my side of the ocean, so.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOPANGA!!! enjoy your special day!! so Lauren will be your belated birthday present!! how sweet!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Happy birthday Topanga!!! And left....how's you and baby?


----------



## Starry Night

left - thinking about you! Hope all is well.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hello everyone :) everything is just fine here my Internet was down until today . I missed ye all x all good here with me and the bump , bp and urine all normal . Only real complaint is still awful heartburn all the time . Zantac even stopped working now :( have hospital app on Monday for an examination and hopefully a plan :) They said that they will see where things are at and maybe plan to induce me shortly after my due date if needed . Ill keep ya all posted :) oh and ill post a photo of my finished nursery , I'm very happy with it :)


----------



## Starry Night

Oooh, nursery photos! I can't wait to see them! And I'm glad to hear all is well.

I've been fighting with a stomach bug and I think I'm on the mend now. But dh seems to be coming down with Round 3 of it and DS still has messy diapers after a week. I am still cramping and I don't know if it's bug or braxton hicks. Either way, I find them disconcerting. I have been able to do more today so that's a positive sign. The chores really pile up when both parents are sick at the same time.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well here is a sneak preview :)
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 26.4 KB
Views: 7


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Left, how pretty!!! I love the walls!!!


----------



## Carybear

The nursery is gorgeous Left! It looks like such a cozy room!

Starry so sorry you all are still fighting through the sickness. I hope that you are free from it soon.

Happy Late birthday Topanga!


----------



## Starry Night

Wow, Left, that looks so professional! It looks so cute and put together.


----------



## RedWylder

It looks awesome Left! I love seeing everyone's nursery. Topanga, Rayray, and Anchor, you should share. :)


----------



## skyesmom

Left, that's super sweet!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi guys, well,over the last 2 days my bump has really dropped and taken on a new shape . Here is hoping its all heading towards d day :) can't wait to meet my LO now , super excited and of course a little anxious just for good measure :)


----------



## Starry Night

Ooh, your belly dropping is a good sign! I would guess another week, maybe two tops! I can't believe we're so close to getting two more rainbows in this thread!


----------



## RedWylder

EEEE! LEFT! So close I can hardly believe it.


----------



## Left wonderin

Yahoooooooo its Feb 1st . Never thought all those months ago in May that it would ever get here :) 10 days to due day :) come on LO I'm waiting to meet you !!! I feel like bursting into tears every time I think of the moment I get to look at his little face for the first time :) I'm one big hormone at the moment lol


----------



## rayraykay

Leftttt!!!!! I remember when it turned to December I was blown away by the fact it was the month I would meet my baby. I too, burst into tears a few times thinking about me getting to hold her for the first time. And- let me reassure you, that moment when your baby is placed on your chest for the first time is as amazing and powerful as you imagine. In fact, it's more amazing and powerful than you could ever imagine. I was blown away. 

Topanga- are you hanging in there?

Red how are you? 

Starry?

Skye?

Cary?!

I will take pic of Sloane's nursery and post soon!


----------



## rayraykay

PS Left I love Sean's... so sweet. The walls are so cool!


----------



## Topanga053

Yup, I'm hanging in here! Ultrasound on Thursday showed everything is still great with Lauren. The tech was so funny. She saw Lauren was head down and went, "good girl! She's found the exit!" That tickled my funny bone!

Otherwise, no sign of labor. I don't love the idea of being induced, but I know pre-e can go south fast, so I'm glad that its stayed steady long enough to give Lauren a few more weeks. If she's not here by Monday, my OB and I are going to discuss planning the induction, which will be no later than 2/11. I'll let you ladies know was soon as I know more!

Left, any signs of labor for you, other than the dropping??


----------



## RedWylder

All is well here. I'm getting so close to the 30 week mark it's crazy. I never ever ever saw me making it this far after 2 miscarriages. It's humbling to think back to where I started. I feel pretty good too. I had a few weeks of struggling to sleep but I think for the moment I've figured out a few positions that allow me to rest comfortably.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Topanga and Red , ( and everyone else ) not a sign of labour here except for total lack of the ability to sleep !! Insomnia rocks not !!!!! I've a hospital apt on Monday , will get checked out and see what plan is from there . Last visit was told wont be allowed go much over dd so we will see :) 

Red enjoy the sleep I hope it lasts for you . Mine isn't. Even about getting comfortable its just I can't . Hormonal I think ! I totally relate to your feelings of humbleness . I don't take a second of this experience for granted and feel,so blessed every day xxx


----------



## skyesmom

hello girls!! OMG!!! 

Left & Topanga!! i can't believe you girls are so so close!! two little rainbows are gonna be here within days! unbelievable!!

Rayray - post those nursery pics :) with Sloane in there :)

afm, getting over the AF and we'll see ;) i am very very positive about this year for me! <3 <3 <3


----------



## Topanga053

**sorry ladies, sent too early... Silly iPhone! See below**


----------



## Topanga053

Red- Ahhh so exciting that you're closing in on 30 weeks!! And I feel the same way. Parts of this journey may be slightly uncomfortable, but it's so hard to complain knowing where we've come from! Every day I am just SO GRATEFUL to be here! 

Left- I do hear you on the insomnia (lol I'm writing this at 4:30am because I just woke up again to pee and now I can't sleep)! I can't wait to hear what they tell you at your apt on Monday!! Keep us updated!!

Skye- sorry about AF, although I think you said you were expecting it this month. And I agree- I have a really good feeling about this year for you too!!! In the meantime, it's been so nice that you've stayed part of this thread. I've really appreciated all of your support! :hugs:

Cary- any updates? Still insanely busy??


----------



## Carybear

Hi Ladies! Two more rainbows is so exciting!!!! I'm so happy for you all! I can't wait to see pics... And hear the story of when you first saw them.

Red... Omg... I can't believe that you are almost 30 weeks! Starry you are not that far behind red right? It seems like yesterday you didn't think it would last... 

I know we've never met irl but I feel like we are long lost sisters and I rejoice with you all as you receive your hearts desires...

Skye we will get there this year, I know it... But you ladies better not be too busy with your little ones to get back on here... Skye and I need to be able to complain to you all about backaches, sleeping positions, and getting past those last few weks 

I am very positive for this year and am excited to see what God has in store!

AFM.... Still insanely busy, but the new business is taking off and that is fabulous! 

Looking forward to hearing delivery news...


----------



## Starry Night

Insomnia caught me too. Though it wasn't as bad as I originally thought. I checked the clock after 1/2 an hour and it was 7:30. After nearly 3 years here I am still getting used to the northern sun. It rises so much later in the winter than I am used to. I can't see it above the trees until after 9am. Red, you're an Alaskan girl so I apologize now for my whining. LOL I can't imagine what it does up there!!

I'm about 23 1/2 weeks. I guess I have come a long way already but I still feel like D-day is eons away. Part of my insomnia had to do with my own fears as I was getting intense stomach pains. My stomach has been going hard lately and staying that way for hours at a time. It's hard not to freak out over every little thing. I still spot check, for pete's sake! 

Also, getting to see my new niece over Skype made me so anxious to have a baby in my own arms (every time she cried my baby kicked and rolled in response...she wants to play with her cousin!). I have to admit that when she started her little newborn wail I couldn't help but reflect that I should have a crying one month old in my arms. It was only brief though, thank goodness.

Skye & Cary - I really am hoping and praying that your rainbows are "in the mail" as we speak and you'll be getting your bfps soon.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry not long now to v day :) I remember the feeling well of being petrified of cramping and tightenings around the mid to late 20s . Even went to doc who reassured that its perfectly normal and that its a time of significant growth and everything stretching ! Your weeks seem to have flown !!!! But I'm sure not for you but looking from the outside in . 

Time for me has slowed down its almost at a standstill !!!! For pity sake I can't even sleep to kill time lol !


----------



## skyesmom

Carybear said:


> I know we've never met irl but I feel like we are long lost sisters and I rejoice with you all as you receive your hearts desires...
> 
> Skye we will get there this year, I know it... But you ladies better not be too busy with your little ones to get back on here... Skye and I need to be able to complain to you all about backaches, sleeping positions, and getting past those last few weks
> 
> I am very positive for this year and am excited to see what God has in store!

Oh i have to second Cary on all of this!! although we never met in real life girls, i feel we are somehow connected in an unique and priceless way! 

and yes, better find a minute to follow up on Cary & me, as i'd so so love to share my rainbow pregnancy with you!!!

<3 <3 <3 oh Cary, and i agree, 2014 is THE year!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies! So, Lauren Elizabeth is here! My numbers were bad again yesterday afternoon, so I got induced last night. I'll give more details later, but I just wanted you all to know that she's here, safe and sound!


----------



## Starry Night

:happydance::happydance: Congratulations!!!! :happydance::happydance:
Welcome to the world, baby Lauren!! :cloud9::wohoo:


----------



## Left wonderin

OMG Topanga :) time for my happy dance
:wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo::wohoo: congratulations :)))))) I'm so happy for you . Hope you are both doing well . Welcome to the world baby Lauren . Can't wait to hear the story of your birth :happydance:


----------



## RedWylder

Well I wasn't expecting that...was just getting on to do some browsing and low and behold we have another rainbow!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats Mama!!!! The next days are going to be exhausting and tough but we can't wait to hear about them and her. <3


----------



## skyesmom

oh wow!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS TOPANGA!! yaayyyy we got another rainbow!!!

i just came home knackered and exhausted and really really overridden by the day to find these amazing news!!!
oh going to bed with so much joy in my heart!!

kisses to you lovely girls!!!!!!!! and welcome to the world little Lauren Topanga ;)


----------



## Carybear

Awesome!!!!! Welcome to the world little Lauren! Can't wait to hear all about it...


----------



## skyesmom

i can't believe how much joy and happiness here! ladies, thank you for this wonderful journey all of us together!!


----------



## rayraykay

Congratulations mama!!! Welcome to the world Lauren Elizabeth!! 

I am so happy!


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies! 

Ok, so my protein and blood pressure was higher again at my OB apt Monday afternoon, so my OB sent me to the hospital to be induced. She had already scheduled an induction for Wednesday morning, but wanted it done earlier since my numbers were declining. So I met DH at home and we grabbed our bags!

I was between 3-4cm when we were admitted and started the pitocin at 7pm. Some strong cramping, but by 2am I had only progressed to 4cm, so the doctor broke my water. I IMMEDIATELY started having really strong contractions and asked for an epidural right away. (I know pain tolerance varies, but I'm in awe of whoever can give birth without pain meds! After about six strong contractions I thought I was going to die!) The epidural took an unexpectedly long time to fully kick in, but once it did, I couldn't feel ANYTHING. At 5am (three hours after breaking my water), my nurse checked me... and I was fully dilated and Lauren was almost crowning. I was shocked because I had felt NOTHING!! I pushed for one hour and she was born at 6:12am. (20 inches long and weighing 7 pounds 4 oz.) 

I had second degree tearing and a moderate hemorrhage afterwards (and had been awake for 36 hours straight at that point), so that sucked. It was AMAZING having her put on my chest and seeing her face for the first time. DH and I both bawled our eyes out lol. I do wish I had a little more sleep/was in a little less pain because after the initial bonding, I really just wanted to eat and sleep... I found it hard to be as involved with her as I wanted to be. 

So, now she's about to be two days old and everything is great. She is PERFECT and passing every test with flying colors. The stitches from my tearing still really hurt, but I'm starting to feel better too. We're going home tomorrow morning and both DH and I are excited/terrified to be home alone with her as a family!

DH has been unbelievable. He would kill me for telling anyone all of this, but he's cried over her do many times already. I looked over one time this afternoon and he was crying. I asked him why and he said he was just thinking about her first day of school! :haha: she has him COMPLETELY wrapped around her finger... I've never seen him so in love. And he said he is surprised at how much more in love he feels with me now, having watched me born and given birth to our child. Seeing how moved he is and watching him cradle her to sleep in his arms has really made me realize how lucky I am to have him as a partner!

So anyway, sorry for the novel! You should all be up to speed now! I can't wait to hear updates from all of you and I'll let you know how things go once we get back home! And I'll post a picture of her once I get home too! 

Thank you all so much for all of the support along this journey. It's really been such a pleasure to get to know you all and I couldn't imagine being here without you!!


----------



## RedWylder

Oh my gosh Topanga, I lost it when you talked about your hubby. How sweet to watch him learn to be a daddy. I am soo so so happy for you guys.


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, bless your DH. Lauren really is going to be daddy's little princess. I'm glad to hear she's doing well and that you're starting to feel better too. I hope those stitches heal up quickly!

I have to say that tears are one of the things I'm quite worried about. The nice thing about a section is your wahoo stays intact. I know people say it's easier to recover from a vaginal birth but to me a sore vagina sounds so much more inconvenient and uncomfortable than a sore stomach. But my OB really wants me to VBAC so I just have to suck it up! lol


----------



## skyesmom

awww Topanga! just bawled my eyes out over your birth story and especially the part with your DH!!! so so so sweet! can't wait for the pics!


----------



## Left wonderin

Ok Topanga , you set me off again !!!! Bawling here !!!! And now I can't stop !!! So delighted for you that she is here safe and sound . Can't wait to see photos of her :) Sean's future cyber girlfriend ;) lol......if he ever gets here that is !!!! Not a sign of him budging !! No pain , less BH than before , no increase in CM or the loss of the tiniest bit of plug . Nada , nothing lol......bet he waits it out till the very last second ....... A bit like his mum :) 

I'm so so happy for you :)


----------



## Carybear

Awww... Topanga I'm so happy for ya. Your DH sounds a lot like mine and I know that next to holding my rainbow the second best thing will be watch Dh's face.

So happy she's here and doing great! I second left! Can't wait to see pictures.

I hope you heal quickly!


----------



## Starry Night

Left - sounds like you're having the quiet before the storm. ;) Things can change so quickly at this stage. I had no signs of labour with DS but then on his due date I had bloody show and then started to contract semi-regularly every 5 to 45 minutes (but mostly in the 5 to 20 min range) for the next several days and he was born 4 days later.


----------



## skyesmom

sorry for the change of mood ladies, but i need to vent somewhere...

...just came back from a get together with friends and working colleagues who all have babies/newborns/children under 5-6 except of me. OH couldn't make it because he was stuck at work ;/ 

some of the ladies are pregnant again, others are planning to conceive and so on and that was THE topic of the evening. it was all fine for me until they started asking me when are we finally gonna have a baby (virtually all of them know i've had losses), and is it coming soon and whatnot. some even jokingly said i should "hurry up"... i KNOW they didn't mean it in a wrong way and that no one meant to hurt me. 
none of them has experienced a loss and they all got all of their children easily, and they have no idea how it feels, how it feels to be the only childless person in the room, with all those beautiful babies who adore you, with all their comments on conceiving again, with all their benevolent comments on what an amazing mom would i make as all their children love me.

i felt so so helpless without OH there when they started asking questions when and if we're trying. i just wish he were there to tell them that we're taking our time with it and that it's a bit of a sensitive topic to me. 

and then i just left early, i couldn't take it anymore. it was all fine, the talks, the babies, the undefined answers i sort of avoided giving, until one point when i just felt so so out of place there, like the only lost sad soul in the middle of a party. and it just reminded me in that moment, while being so isolated from the world around me, how big is the hole in my heart for my son who is not here in my arms now.

sorry for this rant really, i just need to get it out of my system and i know you ladies will understand. thank you so so much for being there and for withstanding all this. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: I'm sorry they were so insensitive. And it was true insensitivity because they know of your history. Of course they will be excited about their own pregnancies but it's good to remember the childless women in the room too. 

After my first loss, we were at a family reunion and, other than my best friend/cousin who is single, we were the only childless couple, and one evening everyone was complaining about the travails of parenthood and one of them said to us "you're lucky you don't have kids yet". I could have forgiven them if they hadn't known about the m/c but they did. I immediately left, went into the car and sobbed my eyes out for an hour. I should have found out the gender just before that reunion and that milestone was sitting very rough to begin with. It took me a LONG time to forgive them. Thankfully, I no longer remember which one made the comment so I can't harbour a grudge.

I think people usually just forget themselves and don't mean to be insensitive but it still hurts. I would have walked away too. 

:hugs::hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Sky I'm so so sorry you had to experience that . Its just awful :( it magnifies all the feelings you already have around ttc . I know people just don't think before they speak sometimes and maybe it's because of our experiences but I would always try remember that there are possibly some people having a tough time of it . 

Sending you lots of hugs xxxxxx xxxxx


----------



## anchor08

Skye, I am so sorry! I'm glad you're able to vent here, it's exactly what we're all here for -- ups and downs at every stage. I am sending you a big hug. It sounds like you were very gracious under the circumstances so well done, but I hope you don't have to face that again. I hate how we have to go through the pain of loss and also do the hard work of dealing with that kind of nonsense. I know people often mean well (or at least don't mean ill), but why can't they do the work of trying to understand us for once?

I hope that's not too rant-y, I haven't had the best day. E is almost 3 months and I'm getting so fed up with still recovering and not having energy. I can barely keep up with taking care of her when I'm on my own, let alone get us out of the house and actually do something fun (or heck, grocery shop!). I had a lot of help from my husband for the first six weeks, then we had family visit (which was sometimes helpful and sometimes exhausting), and now I feel like my energy has tanked again and I'm on my own, sometimes for full days and overnights since my husband has to travel for work. I really want to enjoy my beautiful, sweet baby (who hates being put down for more than a few minutes, she just loves me so much!) but honestly it's really hard right now.

But somehow in the midst of all that, it's still wonderful. Topanga, you must be experiencing those extremes now! Congratulations!!! I can't wait to see pictures. I'm so glad to hear that your relationship with OH is strengthened by the birth. It is an amazing transformation that all three of you go through as a family, so special!


----------



## skyesmom

awww Starry thank you so much for your post <3 <3
i also think it just slipped their minds as the general atmosphere was uplifting and relaxed so it's even harder for them to associate that to a loss, or even me to a loss as i am rarely in a bad mood even when i'm depressed... so now after 2 years from the loss i don't hold grudges either and am way better with brushing it off in a short time but still... cried my eyes out on the way home.

luckily my OH came home shortly after i've posted and he was amazing. <3


----------



## skyesmom

oh and Left and Anchor posted in the meantime as i was replying to Starry! THANK YOU so so so much ladies!!! sometimes just a bit of understanding from someone somewhere on this planet can do so much and heal so much.. thank you.

it means the world to me!


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - :hugs: That first year after a baby can be so tough--physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes it just takes awhile to figure out a routine and for our bodies to get used to the new way of life. And you went through major surgery. I remember it took me several months after my c-section to feel 100% like myself. I have heard it's normal to feel 'off' for about 6 months after major surgery. Try not to be too hard on yourself if some days you are only able to care for E and the rest gets put to the side. I watched lots of movies in the beginning as DS fussed in my arms or babbled in his bouncey seat at my feet. 

Even after I felt better I made DS my priority as I figured what is he going to remember: a sparkling house or a mommy who read to him and played with him? And never mind little ones need chasing and know how to undo everything you just did. :haha:

About 6 months after my section I went for a massage and that really helped me in feeling good too.


----------



## Starry Night

Double-posting to bump up with a (post) V-day bump photo! I was looking at a photo from 25 weeks with DS and I am a lot smaller this time. Still gaining weight like crazy though.
 



Attached Files:







bump.jpg
File size: 72 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Left wonderin

Congratulations on V day and on your courage to keep going in the past despite all you had to go through . It all was leading to this Rainbow :) your bump is adorable :) maybe as you a carrying a girl this time its a different shape ?


----------



## rayraykay

Ahhh so much to reply to!!!

Topanga.. beautiful birth story. Isn't pitocin LOVELY?!! It really makes contractions so fast and furious. You were smart to get the epi right away.. I didn't. It was awful for about 2 hours. Then mine stopped prettty much at all while I pushed! Felt everything. Ugh, so worth it tho right?? Your DH sounds like an angel. Enjoy every second. It has been the greatest joy of my life- to see my DH with our daughter. It's an amazing gift. I hope the transition home has gone well. I hope she's eating well and you are healing well! It gets better every day, I can tell you that. I can say that 7 weeks PP... my vagina is finally feeling normal again. It took until about week 4/5 for it to really feel okay again. Hang in there. Just take it very easy! SO HAPPY FOR YOU!

Skye- I am so sorry about your experience. I have come to find that people don't really know what to say unless they've been through it. A miscarriage is a uniquely painful experience... I honestly think that people just flat out don't know what to say. Even though your friends didn't mean anything by it... it's still so painful and you would think they would know telling someone whos had losses to "hurry up" isn't a smart idea at all. But alas, if you haven't felt a loss, it's hard to fathom. :hugs:

Starry!! Cute pic! You look fabulous!!!

Aww Anchor. I am sorry it's been tough so far. Recovering from major surgery and having a brand new baby.... I can't imagine. It seems there are so many pros and cons to vaginal vs c section. I can't believe she's 3 months old!! Time flies. Sending you love and thinking of you. 

Left- I am sorry there aren't any labor signs yet! Just remember it can start anytime even with no signs. Ya never know, it could happen tomorrow! I am so excited for you, you are so close to meeting your rainbow boy!! YAY! 

Sending you all love! You are all amazing!


----------



## Starry Night

Left wonderin said:


> Congratulations on V day and on your courage to keep going in the past despite all you had to go through . It all was leading to this Rainbow :) your bump is adorable :) maybe as you a carrying a girl this time its a different shape ?

According to the ultrasound we are getting our little princess. :cloud9: I have already spent a small fortune on clothes. :blush: (My mom has emailed me photos of the stuff she bought and she has gone nutty too, lol) I have also bought 2 new sets of crib sheets as after nearly 3 years of use my son has really soiled the ones we already have. It's a good excuse to get girly ones. :winkwink: The nursery is gender neutral but girly accents will be nice. I also bought a nursing cover. It was only $8 so if nursing is a bust again I won't feel like I wasted a lot of money on a more pricey/designer one.

I hope your DS decides to come in a timely manner. Isn't your official due date next week? I know with my DS I had no signs anything was happening when I suddenly had bloody show on his exact due date and he was born 4 days later. It can happen that quickly. :hugs:

EDITED TO ADD: here is my 6 month bump photo from DS. You can see the difference...
 



Attached Files:







DSCN9375_2.jpg
File size: 49.9 KB
Views: 3


----------



## Carybear

Starry... Congrats on V-Day!!!! So happy for ya.

Skye... So sorry to hear about what you went through. I completely understand as I hear all about everyone's children and how tired they are of them and everything every day at lunch. Three days after my mc I actually had someone tell me, "Well, this was a trial run... The next one will last until the end..." I was like what??? Are you kidding me??? My baby was not a trial run... 

People can be insensitive and while I'm sure they weren't doing it on purpose I wish people could understand that they need to take people's feelings into account.

Saying hi to everyone and looking forward to the next birth announcement Left!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I can't believe someone called your baby a trial run. :nope::growlmad::hugs:

Speaking of insensitive....last night I was talking to my family on Skype and my brother said I had no reasons to be worried and that I was looking for trouble and compared me to his hypochondriac wife who has never had anything but perfect pregnancies. He told me I was silly for worrying about DS being behind his milestones and that I had been looking for trouble. I'm sorry, but DS had issues with the placenta and I had impeded blood flow to whatever was left of the placenta that still worked and he was deprived of oxygen during delivery. OF COURSE I was going to be scared that there would be something wrong. DS seems quite healthy but he IS behind on milestones. Every one has been a fight and his doctor gets after us so I'm not "looking for trouble".:cry: I am so pleased with how healthy he is and I'm please with how well this pregnancy is going so far but I do feel my fears are understandable and certainly not "made up". :growlmad: I'm sure it's frustrating to live with such a severe hypochondriac who turns every rash into a serious illness/cancer but not everyone who is afraid is the same.


----------



## Starry Night

Getting a lot of stomach tightenings now and only lying down helps. I have to say I'm getting nervous! Baby is still moving well so I think she's OK. I have an appointment on Friday so really going to take it easy and make sure to drink loads until then.


----------



## skyesmom

oh girls! haven't logged on over the weekend and so so much has going on!! congrats on your V-day bump Starry, and thanks for posting a pic! you definitely look smaller than with DS! what a cute cute pink bump though! so happy to hear everything is going smooth... and sorry to hear your brother in law can be so insensitive. i guess people can't cope with those kind of thoughts and prefer sort of masking them away and sweeping the under a rug hoping they will disappear. :/

anyway, my OH was an angel over the weekend and made me forget the last week's events completely so... :) we'll have our angel back in our time :)

thank you so so much for your support girls, it is so much easier when someone understands you. and i know they didn't mean to hurt me, but sometimes i just can't not get hurt anyway, i think a part of me will always stay a bit sensitive on certain things.

and Cary i am sorry your baby was called a trial run!! that is insane.. and insensitive..and the worst thing is, it was meant to console you. 

anyway, getting back to work on monday after a sweet sweet weekend with OH all alone... i think we really needed this after a hard core working january for both!

hugs to all of you ladies! :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary how awful for you :( some people just don't put their brain into gear before speaking ! Starry those tightenings are very very normal even more so at your stage , my advice get used to them !!!!! 

AFM dd tommrow !! Quite can't believe I'm here !!! Anyway still waiting for mr Bowe to decide to make his arrival . Here I am with two of my dogs waiting for his arrival !! Oh and my 40 week bump !! I'm enormous !!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 31.2 KB
Views: 7


----------



## Left wonderin

A side view lol....
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 30.6 KB
Views: 8


----------



## Starry Night

Left - you look tired and impatient but still so adorable! I love that top. And your puppies are so, so cute. 

I remember going for a walk the evening before my son was born. We were still in a tiny rental house out in the countryside at the time and we had seen a deer and I was feeling all weird and bubbly and hyper...like loads of crazy energy....and I started throwing rocks and yelling just so I could see the deer run and flash it's white tail. (It was very far down the road so there was zero chance of me even getting close to it). It was kind of insane. I guess that was my nesting energy coming out in a very bizarre way. :haha: 12 hours later and we were on our way to the hospital.

I got a hold of my doctor's office today. Mine wasn't in so I spoke with another one and yeah, my tightenings are apparently BH. They have improved today and baby is moving very well so I'm trying to relax. They had gotten to the point where I had them even when sitting upright so I spent the past two days lying flat out. I plan on continuing to do that until my appointment on Friday.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well for me the only way I could get hem to ease off was lying down on my left. Side cushion under my bump . I'm still the same today . Somedays I felt like I could seriously go pop at any second !!! My LO always seems to stop wriggling when I have them . They are kinda weird and uncomfortable but not painful


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, mine don't hurt either. I've had a tight stomach for weeks but the past few days were actual contracting. I also have an infection that has been left untreated a few weeks (why I'm annoyed my dr is still putting off seeing me as I called weeks ago about it) so I was worried they were aggravated by that.

And your bump looks like mine when I was full term with DS. So I can imagine the discomfort and readiness to expel that baby. I remember crying every morning as I pulled out of bed as it hurt so much. I was so sick of waddling! And all the stares and double-takes I got in the mall. ha ha It's funny now but at the time it was a little embarrassing.


----------



## Carybear

you look great left... can't wait to hear about your lo's arrival..

AFM... burning hot and not able to sleep... what is that about????


----------



## Starry Night

I hope you're not coming down with anything! Do you think you could be in the TWW? I usually get a combination of hot and cold flashes plus insomnia in the early stages of my pregnancies. If you start to get heart burn I would be getting suspicious! :winkwink: Do you think you have a chance to be pregnant this cycle?


----------



## skyesmom

Cary!!! that sounds like a suspicious little thingy there! are you in the TWW?? i remember the last time i was preggo, i would sweat through my pajamas and the bed sheets, and my oh who would normally have to warm my feet as they were deadly cold, almost left the bed a couple of times as i was so so so hot. he thought i was running a fever :) but nope, it was our LO :)


----------



## Carybear

Well.... no two weeks wait... I'm actually on CD8 today. This last period was very short maybe a day and half... Bled heavy for one day and then could have worn the same pad all day long for the other 3....

I did feel like I was coming down with something on Sunday. But, I work too hard and hardly ever have time to rest. I went to work on Monday but took yesterday off... The thing is that I feel feverish for awhile and then I'm fine. I know it is not an infection because the fever would not come and go. I have had a headache for like two days too... 

I think I'm going to make an gyn appointment to talk about why AF was so light.

The good news.. I have no HPT's and I don't intend to buy any right now... I'm truly getting rid of the stress of TTC... I'm tired of thinking about it all day long... It will happen when it does.


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- I hope you feel better soon, no matter what it is! And hopefully they can explain that strange period!

Skye- I think that's awful that your friends said those things, especially since they knew about your loss. I don't think you have to have had a loss yourself to appreciate that you shouldn't say stuff like that to someone who has had one. They were really inconsiderate, IMO. I hope you're feeling better now! :hugs:

Left- any updates???????

Afm, have been insanely busy trying to keep up with LO and develop a system. Not to mention that we've had visitors in and out of the house nonstop. 

LO is amazing, but can be a real handful at night. She'll sleep most of the day and then fuss pretty much all night. Some nights she's only down for a couple of hours, so DH and I are wiped. DH went back to work yesterday, so I've been doing the night shifts and only waking DH if I really need help. I've found the last couple of days that I'm happy and loving LO during the day, but around dinner time I start getting grumpy and distant because I'm dreading what's to come. Thankfully, she was much better last night, so I hope it's a sign of things to come! I know some of those feelings are probably a combination of hormones/baby blues, extreme fatigue, and the fact that I'm providing almost all of the care for her now with DH back at work. I know I'm also pushing myself wayyyy too hard during the day. I might take a really short nap while she's sleeping, but the rest of the time I'm running around the house doing dishes/laundry/cleaning/etc. Not a great idea on only 2 hours sleep! So today I'm forcing myself to take it a lot easier. A lot less dishes and a lot more napping and TV time!


----------



## Left wonderin

Its great to hear from you Topanga x no news this end .. His lordship showing no signs of budging any time soon !!! Sounds like your not giving yourself a minute !!! Feck the dishes for now and get some sleep !!! You and Lauren are all that are important right now . There is always paper plates !!!!!! Would love to see another photo of her if you get the chance :)


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga! so so great to hear your news! and i second Left! give yourself a break woman! can you call any of your visitors that popped by over the past days to come and do the dishes for you while you sleep for god's sake, and maybe cook you a meal or two?

i wish Lauren will get into the groove with you and settle in an easier rhythm soon! but you defo need some sleep and it's time to take it during daytime when she is napping too <3 <3 <3 and call for help!

massive :hugs: to you!

and Cary, i am so so proud of u and happy to hear you're out of the TTC obsession yourself! i hope your OB/GYN can give you answers on your short period! but i know you and i will celebrate your rainbows this year! xxx


----------



## Carybear

I agree with you Skye. This our year  I thought about going back to temping... but honestly I'm just tired of it all. So, I've put it all away and will let God decide when...

As for the short period, I know I need to go and ask why, but I just don't want to. I should make an appointment but a part of me has had enough...


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - so sorry you're not feeling well and having problems with a short period. It all sounds so frustrating.

Topanga - you sound like a real type-A personality but now is your time to relax!! I don't know how long your leave off of work is but when you return you're really going to regret having not taken that time to relax and get the rest you need. You can't do everything off of 2 hours of sleep. Sleep now! There will always be dishes and laundry (I feel like mine reproduces whenever my back turns). You'll feel so much better in the long run. Most new moms let things slide in the beginning so no one will judge. We just imagine they will. ha ha

It's really common for newborns to mix up their days and nights but it tends to correct itself over time. I can't remember if I did anything special to fix that or if it happened naturally. Those first few weeks and nights are now all a big, fuzzy blur. LOL And I loved it so much I'm going to do it again. ;)


----------



## Left wonderin

Tis awfully quiet on here ??? How s everyone ?? I'm still waiting :dohh: don't feel like anything will be happening soon :( ah well guess he will come when he is good and ready :) 

Hope everyone is well :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

I think we're all just waiting... lol.

I'm 30 weeks and on the countdown. I hope you get your rainbow boy soon!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Exciting times ahead for all of us :)


----------



## Starry Night

I got the requisition for my GD screening so need to go some time in the next 3 weeks. I can't see anything on the paperwork about fasting so I'm not going to. If they want me to they should say!

Left - any word from the doctor yet about how long they'll let you go before they intervene? It can't be that much longer before he is here! Very exciting times, indeed!

Red - congrats on reaching 30 weeks. I'm just aching to reach that point. Somehow week 30 makes everything feel more real and final.


----------



## Carybear

How is everyone? Waiting to hear the news of the next rainbow


----------



## skyesmom

same here! left, we're all waiting for you to pop!

red - congrats on your 30 weeks mark!! where did the time go??? and starry trust me, u'll be there before the blink of an eye!


----------



## Starry Night

Well, it looks like I'm going to get huge again. I had a major, major growth spurt this past week which would explain why my stomach was hurting so much and why the baby was so quiet. I Skype with my mom every week and she said she could really see a difference. I'm so huge!!! I can barely zip up my coat and now I have to borrow my dh's hoodies. Mine hurt my stomach when I do them up. I've also now gained 28 pounds!!!!!!! Last time I checked it was 19!! I think I gained 9, 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I have to keep reminding myself that I lost the weight with DS so I know I can do it again. I did go to the grocery store and pick up a lot of fruit today.

What makes me feel a little better is I have a friend who is due 4 weeks after me and she says she gets really big too. And now she found out she's expecting twins (a huge surprise to get at your anatomy scan!) so she's worried about how big she will get this time as she said she usually gains around 40 to 50 pounds with a single baby (and she's a skinny lady!).


----------



## skyesmom

oh starry! growth spurts always sound so exciting to me! feels like lots of interesting things are happening in there! and good job with that fruit shopping :)

and regarding the weight loss... your body did it once, it will do it again and this time around you'll have two to run after so that guarantees quite some exercise for you!

hugs to all of you :) no big news at my side, i'm in the period that should be called the 2ww but am not waiting for anything (i managed to reach this zen state) and i'm sure i'm not pregnant so it's useless to bang my head with symptom spotting! it used to drive me (and my wallet) so so desperate! but now i've learned to spare myself from it!


----------



## Carybear

I'm right there with ya skye... I have completely stopped symptom spotting... DH and I are BD every other night through the next ten days to cover any chance we have. We have both started taking better vitamins and just enjoying the work that we are doing. I finally made it to that stage where I'm not envious of every pregnant woman I see or wishing that it was me. Life is too short and I want to live... Baby or no baby I want to enjoy my life!

So DH and I are just enjoying each other. I was tempted to start temping but decided to not stress too much. My insurance won't pay for anything fertility related, so I decided to stop wondering... It will happen when it is supposed to and that is enough for me... 

We got our first check for the month of starting our business and it was 843.88... not too bad for part time work and just starting out. Might just do a little shopping 

How is everyone feeling today? Any news left??? So excited for ya!


----------



## RedWylder

Left??? That's a good question. Maybe her silence means good things! 

Cary and Skye Im glad you guys are finding the positive things to live for and not focusing on the negative. It can be so draining! Cary, I think I've mentioned this before but if you ever decide to temp again, it can be a good indicator on what's going on with your body and whether or not you're ovulating or having regular cycles. Because most insurances cover issues with your normal menstrual cycle- this might be a good approach to sneaking in some doctor's visits and tests. (that's how I did it) But if you're in a good place right now, then don't worry. Keep enjoying life and focusing on the good.

I'm doing well enough. I'm 31 weeks and had been sleepign really well up until the past few nights. I've been having troubles sleeping and when I'm not sleeping I've had a lot of round ligament pain that sometimes makes it difficult to walk right. But all that comes in phases and it's not constant so I'm counting my blessings.


----------



## Left wonderin

I'm still here :) had a sweep yesterday and lost my plug with a bloody show today . No sign of labour yet , still a waiting game !!! I'm starting to loose it lol !!!!!! I'm so ready to get this show on he road , every hour feels like a year !!!!! Its hard not to constantly symptom spot !!!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary and Skye - I am so pleased you've both reached that place of peace. I don't know if I'd have been able to do that as quickly as you have (not to undermine the struggles you've had to achieve that peace). I really hope you're blessed with wonderful surprises in the near future, and, if not, that you will continue to love life and take whatever opportunities they bring you. :hugs:

Left - so excited for you! The end is in sight! I'll bet that this will feel like the longest week ever but it WILL end. It will!!! I promise!! And there will be the handsomest little boy waiting for you. :happydance:

afm - the countdown for me goes into double digits tomorrow. :) I've been trying to call the lab to book my GD screening test but no one is answering. There isn't even a voicemail service. I had a glucose test there this summer without an appointment so I think I'm just going to show up on Monday. They're never-ever busy. I'm usually the only one there and it's right next door to my OB's office so she'll get the results right away.


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh thanks for that starry I needed it . Having a bit of a pity p arty over here ;). Feeling just awful since my sweep , had nosebleed , bloody show and feel nauseous , just weird in general !! And can't bloody sleep !!!! Its good to be reminded the end is in sight and I will get to meet my little boy :)


----------



## Carybear

:hi: Red! Are you getting excited? Won't be long now...

Sorry the :coffee: is so hard Left... But soon he will be here and you will be holding him in your arms and then you will be like... wait??? what wait???

:hi: Starry! Glad to see everything is progressing along quite nicely. So happy...

So glad to know that Skye and I will have you all to come to for advice when we finally get there


----------



## Starry Night

Countdown at double digits now....:)


----------



## Left wonderin

Yahoooo Starry the weeks will fly by now just wait and see ........... Well at least till the last few lol. Are you feeling able to breath yet at all ??


----------



## Starry Night

Not yet! This morning I woke up to the most horrific cramps and even going to the bathroom didn't help. My stomach felt so heavy that I couldn't walk properly and baby wasn't moving. I laid down in bed and rubbed and rubbed my belly until it calmed down and I fell asleep again. Baby girl has kicked and punched a bit but is rather quiet. I later had the bathroom trip from hell so I guess that's what caused the cramps earlier. But it wasn't a fun way to start my day. :nope: I don't think this pregnancy is going to give me any peace.:dohh:


----------



## rayraykay

hiii!! 

LEFT HOLYYYY MOLE! SO CLOSE!!!! AHHH!!!! I hope for you a wonderful labor. Enjoy it even when it is so painful. I am so excited for you. I went into labor about 4 days after my membrane sweep. Either way you spin it- ITS CLOSE!

Cary and Skye- I honestly don't know what to say other than I am in awe of both of your positive outlooks despite having to wait for what you truly want. I can offer this however- once you meet your rainbow (I think this year is gonna be it for both of you) you will never question again why you didn't get to meet your other little angels. If my first pregnancy would have worked out, I would never have gotten to meet Sloane. Although that baby would have been my earth angel, Sloane was meant to be mine. I don't know if that's helpful at all and if it's not I am so so sorry...but I just have so much faith that 2014 will bring a rainbow for both of you.

Starry! OH HAAYYY!!! you are getting closer now too! My goodness time freakin FLIES! Double digits! Whoop whoop! I know how you feel too, if I didn't feel Sloane move for even like... 30 minutes I pushed on her to make her respond. Ha. Poor thing probably got tired of that. I hope your GD scan goes well!!! Although looking back on my GD pregnancy it wasn't that bad... it was just something else to worry about which is the last thing any of us need. So I truly hope you don't have to deal with it. I am still SO thrilled for you that you got your little girl! YAY!

Red- how are you? 

Topanga- I hope you are loving every second with your new little lamb. Soak it up. It goes by so freakin fast.

Anchor- how are you? How's little E?

AFM- Sloane was 2 months on the 17th... 9 weeks on Tuesday. I can't believe it. She's growing so fast. We have little conversations. She smiles all the time, and is close to laughing. It's amazing. She lifts her head during tummy time and has more head control in general. She got her 2 month shots today- didn't even cry. I was way more freaked out then her. She was a little fussier than usual when we got home so I gave her a small dose of Tylenol and she's been asleep ever since. We will see how it goes when she wakes up. She has started sleeping 9pm to 6 am. It's insane. Every once in awhile she wakes for a 3 am feeding then goes back to sleep until 7. My husband and I are grateful. I am so incredibly thankful for my rainbow. 

Love to you all.


----------



## Carybear

Rayray what a precious post... Thanks!

I do believe that this is both mine and skyes year for a rainbow and we are blessed that we have such a great group of women who are going before us and can give us lot of advice!

Looking forward to many pictures, funny stories, and even complaints from those who are getting close!


----------



## Starry Night

ray ray - my little man never had bad reactions to shots so maybe yours won't either. I don't even bother with Tylenol anymore. I am so happy for you and your little Sloane. Just continue to soak up every moment!

Left - tomorrow is induction day!!! :happydance: Can't wait to hear all about your little man! I will be thinking of you and hoping all goes smoothly.

afm - been feeling really down and outright depressed the past few days. And it's not the weepy sort of depression. It's the jaded/cynical/angry and panicky sort of depression.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry might not be depression . Could very well be pregnancy hormones . If ya look back around your stage I was so so irritable !! OH could do NOTHING RIGHT I mean nothing !! Couldn't breath without annoying me !! Also had loads of anxiety about the pregnancy and an impending sense that it was all too good to be true , a sense that it could be taken away at any second . Everyone used to say Awh are you so excited ? And I'd look at them and think eh that's not exactly how id describe it .... Sheer terror was more like it all day every day !! As the more it became real the more I felt afraid if that makes any sense ?? 

Anyway enough about me , I'm off to meet my baby ;) xxxxxx ( God willing )


----------



## skyesmom

Leeeeeeeft!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! can't wait to read your next post!!!!

big hugs to all of you ladies, been stuck in a mountain with my oh over the past days, so no internet at all... but OH compensated for my web addiction in other ways ;) 

i hope this message will be sent as it is so so slowwwww!


----------



## RedWylder

Yay Left!!! You're going to do great and see your little man soon.

(btw totally get those feelings of terror you've describe. I have a fair bit of that right now)


----------



## Starry Night

Goooo, Left!!! So excited for you!!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Yeah Left!!!!Can't wait to read about your little man's debut!!!! Thinking about you and praying for a quick and safe delivery!


----------



## rayraykay

LEFT!!!! AHHH!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!

can't wait to hear the story and see pictures! oh my gooodddnesssssssss!!!!


----------



## rayraykay

I realized I hadnt posted pictures in a little while... so here are some recent ones of Sloanie at 2 months. 

Also- a nursery pic is still coming I promise!

love to you all! Left... I hope you have your baby in your arms right now!:hugs:
 



Attached Files:







photo 1.JPG
File size: 42.6 KB
Views: 9









photo 2.JPG
File size: 34.7 KB
Views: 6









photo 3.JPG
File size: 32.2 KB
Views: 7


----------



## rayraykay

Dangitttttt why are some of my pics sideways always!!! grrr!! Im sorry!


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, ray, she's so super adorable! And you are positively beaming! I still feel that way about DS so just continue to enjoy the ride. And man, that little girlie is growing so fast. She looks like she is so much fun. :)


----------



## Carybear

SHe's so beautiful Ray!


----------



## RedWylder

She really is beautiful and you just glow. Such a pair!


----------



## Carybear

Any news on Left???


----------



## Starry Night

Not yet. I am hoping she is resting and just enjoying holding her little man.


----------



## skyesmom

Rayray, you two girls are glowing!! and she is so so so beautiful!!

and i can't wait for Left to post either!! sending my prayers to her and to our little rainbow prince!


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies! No news from Left yet, huh??? Hopefully she's enjoying this precious time with her rainbow!!

Afm, enjoying Lauren and still just insanely busy!! I was going to post a picture of Lauren because I know it's long overdue, but for some reason, it's not working. I'll try again later!


----------



## Starry Night

I know I had to stay in the hospital 5 days with my son. Nothing was seriously wrong...it was just a precaution because nursing wasn't going well and DS had to be in NICU to get his blood sugar levels back up. I don't have internet service on my cell phone so when it's my turn it will probably be a few days at least before I'd be able to update. I probably won't even have time to say "I'm on my way" because with a 2 hour drive I'll need to get to the hospital pronto. For those reasons I'm forcing myself to not worry about Left! lol I'm sure she'll update when she can.

Topanga - hope things with Lauren are going well and that you're adjusting to each other nicely. I'm still so happy that she's here and finally have your rainbow to hug and squeeze.

afm - Happy Birthday to me! :cake: I'm in my 30s and I still get giddy about the whole thing. I've been bugging my DH for my present all morning. ha ha


----------



## skyesmom

oh Happy Birthday Starry!!!! :))))))) :p :yay: :hugs:

you just gave me an excuse to bake some cake here!


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you everyone. I feel blessed that I can share pictures of her with you all. 

Left!!! I hope you are doing well!!

Topanga- don't worry! I understand being busy... post when you get the chance and hopefully it will work next time. It's okay, I can never get photos to post right side up. Ha ha.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STARRYYY!!!! :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Happy Birthday Starry!!!!!

Hi to everyone


----------



## Starry Night

GD screening today. Not really expecting anything to go wrong and I honestly don't mind the orange drink. I'm getting together with a friend in the city afterwards and we're seeing a movie while leaving our men with the kids. ha ha She's pregnant too so I think it will be a nice break for both of us.


----------



## skyesmom

oh Starry! that sounds like great fun! and a great time off from your mommy duties at least for some hours!
good luck with the GD screening!


----------



## RedWylder

Sorry I'm late, Happy belated Birthday!! Enjoy your day out and about Starry. :)


----------



## rayraykay

Good luck on the GD screening Starry! I hope it goes well- I am sure it will. What movie are you seeing? 

I had my blood test on Friday to make sure it's gone away... I have yet to hear the results which of course makes me nervous but I would be shocked if I had type 2 diabetes. It doesn't run in my family... I have no precursors or signs... so yeah. 

Hi everyone! Happy Tuesday!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi all sorry I'm on,y getting on now . Only just home from hospital today . Thankfully Sean has arrived safe n sound after a very scary experience and a drama . All is well with us both now . Ill fill ye in over the coming days when I get the time .
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 35.8 KB
Views: 8


----------



## Carybear

:happydance::happydance::happydance:congratulations left!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's absolutely gorgeous....


----------



## Topanga053

Left, Sean is gorgeous!!! So glad to hear you're all healthy and home now! Can't wait to hear more in the coming days.

Starry- good luck with the GD screening! And happy belated birthday! 

Ray- fingers crossed for good results, although I'm sure they will be! 

Red- how are you doing??

Hello to everyone else!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Congrats LEFT!!!! He's so cute and upside down but that's understandable. You've been busy and it sounds like there was some drama. I'm really sorry that you had a fright but sooo thankful that all seems to be well now. Take care of yourself and update us when you can.

Topanga- I'm doing well. I've got a lot of back pain and RLP and a baby in my ribs but I'm just so thankful to have my little girl right now that I'd willingly bear this over and over again. Lately I've been reminded of my losses and feel so grateful for this opportunity. It might be the hormones but it honestly make me feel like crying when I think about how luck I am.


----------



## anchor08

Wow Left, look at your adorable little man! I'm so sorry it was a scary and difficult process, and I hope you're getting lots of support emotionally and physically right now. Fill us in when you want, we'll be thinking of you and praying for you in the meantime!


----------



## Starry Night

Congratulations, Left! He is simply darling! As the others already said, I'm sorry you had a scare but am glad it all turned out well in the end. Rest and let your nerves settle as you get ready for a lifetime of joy with your precious rainbow. I'm so happy for you!

afm - fun day in the city and had a good time with my friend. We saw The Monuments Men with George Clooney and it was really enjoyable. We both agreed we liked it better than we were expecting (we were a bit worried it would be depressing and violent as it had Nazis in it...but it wasn't). When we got back to her house the kids were all asleep and our dhs were playing video games. I had to tear mine away, ha ha. So it seems they all had a good time too.


----------



## skyesmom

Left!!! Sean is so so so precious!! he's perfect!!!! so glad you are both home safely now, and sorry to hear it was a difficult experience with drama and complications... but beyond happy it all ended well!!!

waiting for more updates from you, whenever you guys settle :) but for now take it easy and recover and spoil both yourself and Sean as much as you can!

starry- great to hear you had such a fun day out and that the GD test went well!

rayray - i hope your results turn in soon and that it's all clear for you! 

hi to all of you girls!


----------



## rayraykay

Left- he is BEAUTIFUL. Congratulations. I am so happy for you and your family. I am sorry delivery was rough.... update when you can. I hope your healing is easier.

Love to you all!!! SO MUCH LOVE!

My follow up screening is fine- no diabetes. Thank you for the well wishes Skye :)


----------



## Left wonderin

A quick photo the right way up :) story to follow tommrow . Love to all xxxx
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 70.3 KB
Views: 7


----------



## rayraykay

He is sooo handsome. Wow. Congratulations! I can't wait to hear the story. xoxoxo


----------



## Starry Night

What a cute little muffin! Aww.....


I can't believe it....I have to take another stupid glucose test! Gah! My numbers were still in the normal range but on the high end of normal. Going in on Monday morning to take care of it.


----------



## Carybear

sorry for the added testing Starry... It will all be worth it when you are holding your little rainbow princess...

Left.. Sean is so cute... Cant wait to hear how it all went. So happy that you are home and everyone is healthy!


----------



## Starry Night

I'm more annoyed that the testing is going to cut into my visit with my sister. She's only here a few short days and I need to spend 3 hours doing another test "just to make sure". I'm glad my OB is being extra careful though.


----------



## skyesmom

awwww Left he's adorable!! can't wait to read the birth story!!! congratulations woman!!! <3 <3 <3 what a perfect rainbow boy!!


----------



## RedWylder

I love baby pictures! So cute. :) Can't wait to hear about the birth.


----------



## Left wonderin

successful


----------



## Carybear

You're right starry! Better safe than sorry... I hope you have a wonderful time with your sister!

Left... so glad it was successful


----------



## rayraykay

definitely better safe than sorry Starry! However I am sorry, the three hour test is super annoying. I am sure everything will be okay.

I am so glad the birth was successful and you have your rainbow Left :) 

:hugs: to everyone!


----------



## skyesmom

haha Left! that was the best and the shortest birth story in the history of the human kind!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Did I miss the rest of the story? lol I think she's teasing us .


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol only noticed it didn't post !!!!!! Lol you must think I've gone mad. !


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone Finally getting 10min to catch up ! 

So hope ye don't mind sharing my birth story , ill keep it brief cause I could be here for days. So was 10 days over and brought in at 7am for scheduled induction . On the labour ward by 7.45 and examined by midwife . Was 1cm still and " favourable " they also discover that my back waters had broken oops I completely didn't notice when so had to get IV anit biotics four hourly up to delivery to treat / prevent any infection . Plan of action was one round of prolactin gel to get things going , wait 6 hours and then as waters gone straight to oxytocin drip . Ok due to emergency s gel not administered till 12am . Then lots n lots of walking in circles around the hospital lol......... At this point tracing of baby shows Sean is in great form and doing very well . Me I'm having very mild cramps , kinda like a period pain you would take a hot water bottle to bed for . I constantly felt a need to wee . 6pm re-examined I was now 2cm after 5 hours ! Gel not so successful but my waters had broken so none left ! Not sure where they went as I had no gush or leakage . Can only guess it was to do with all the weeing that they came out at the same time ? Its a bit of a mystery ! 
Anyway midwife decided to move me to the delivery suite to start drip this was at 7pm ...........at 9pm still waiting on room to become free I had decided to get epidural at same time as drip so also waiting on anitiasthist . 10pm room available but no anitiasthist as one had gone home sick and the other was in surgery . This stage I'm still having bad period pains but very manageable and am 3cm . Baby still happy out . At 11pm I decided to let the oxytocin drip be started without epidural with the promise that they would be there in the next hour . Well you can guess what happened next !! 

I went from NO pain to SERIOUS UNRELENTING contractions , OMG they were horrific how quickly they came on . I had a midwife that was less than sympathetic shall we say ! Due to the awful heartburn I'd had I was vomiting acid in buckets too ! Tried gas n air and that too made me sick , nothing for it but to breath !! My poor OH got an awful fright how quickly it all happened . 

So after 2 hours of contractions I was 6cm ....... Baby tolerating drip and doing ok . No sign of my epidural eventually after 2.30 hours he arrived and boy was I happy to see him . So Epidural in and OH steps out of the room for air ( to recover ) for 10 mins . He leaves me sitting up happy out smiling and comes back to a very different scene . 

When he was gone they increased the strength of the drip to speed things along , all of a sudden alarms go off , I'm told to move onto my left , onto my right , 10 people come running into the room . No-one telling me what's going on ! Eventually they tell me baby heart rate had dropped from consistant 140 to below 70 and was not recovering . They called at catagory 1 c section and began prepping me for theater , poor oh walked in to the room with 20 people in it , me flat out in a gown , alarms going , he got an awful fright . I was rushed off out the door on the trolley by him , they did not wait for him to change before begining the section but he got there just as baby came out . There was no crying .. It was the loudest silence I've every or will ever experience . Two paediatricians took baby immediately to resus . No one in the room was saying anything , the only sound was me sobbing . After what seemed like forever I heard the most precious sound , SEAN cried 
He had gone into fetal distress , either from the drip , not tolerating the epidural and also had pooed and swallowed the macomium . The ped took him off for a head to toe and to see if he had inhaled the poo to his lungs . I went into shock my bp dropped , I was in and out of consciousness , freezing cold and uncontrollable shaking alongside vomiting . Thankfully the OH have gone with Sean so didn't see this I'd say it was scary to see , it was scary to feel lol . 

After what felt like an age ( prob 30-60 mins) I was wheeled to recovery swaddled in an electric blanket and daddy brought Sean in to me .He was perfect from head to toe , apart from a little shocked like his mum and very hungry overall the experience was not what I had hoped for but I would do it all again and more in a heartbeat for the amazing gift from God I've been given


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: What an ordeal! I've heard so many horror stories about induction. I'm sorry, that sounds like it was so hard and awful to go through. I can identify with the fetal distress and how quickly things can go from "interesting" to outright scary. I'm so glad you and Sean are safe now. I was unconcious for my section so I am not exactly sure the state of DS when he came into the world (DH wasn't allowed in the room so he didn't see either). Not hearing a cry is my biggest fear. Lots of :hugs::hugs:.


----------



## Topanga053

OMG left!!! I am SO GLAD that you and Sean are both ok. I really can't imagine... You must have been so terrified, waiting for that first cry. I'm so sorry that you had that experience, but thank goodness everything ultimately turned out ok!!! And as for the contractions going from 0 to 60 instantly, I hear you! I was having strong period like cramps until they broke my water and then it instantly became UNBEARABLE contractions. So sorry the epidural didn't come through at the same time! I asked for mine as soon as the real contractions started... I couldn't handle it! Anyway, glad you're all home safe! Keep posting pictures! (And I know I still owe you guys pictures of Lauren too!)


----------



## RedWylder

Left! That is so scary. I cried reading that. The sound of silence would have broke me. Do you know why you went into shock? Did you have a hemorrhage or something else? (Shock is a lack of oxygen getting to cells) It sort of makes me mad that they made you get induced. This is one of the big reasons why I'm so frustrated that inductions are so standardized. You were fine, baby was fine- so why couldn't they let your body start labor naturally while monitoring both of your all's health? Anyways- not to involve my personal feelings to much on the matter. I'm just so glad you both are ok and happy. I hope you two are bonding well. :)


----------



## Starry Night

I think getting some shivers afterwards is normal. I got the shakes the night after my section but the nurse said it was normal though that might have been a reaction to the general anesthetic. An emergency section is a bit traumatic for the body to go through. I still recovered well though and don't have any regrets around my son's birth. He's here and Sean's here, safe and sound. Sometimes I think rainbow mommies are better able to keep that perspective. I would have let the doctors cut me to pieces if it meant my son's safe arrival.

I don't know if our hospital does induction for VBACs or not (I mean outside of breaking waters and doing sweeps). I was a little surprised that my OB is pushing for the VBAC. I had mentioned I was started to lean towards an elective and she made it clear that she would much prefer I VBAC. I had always told myself I'd go whatever direction my doctor told me as I really don't care either way. So I'm mentally preparing myself to go through labour again and end with a new experience: a vaginal delivery and the joys of pushing. (I pushed 3 times with my son and I was so tired at that point I just couldn't do it and found the idea of a section so relieving). But I also need to prepare to go through all the fun of labour and end in another hurried emergency section.

It's the thought of another case of fetal distress that scares me. My son was quite distressed by the time I got to the hospital so it wasn't interventions that caused it. And I'm scared that I'm pushing my luck to hope for a second happy ending in a similar scenario.


----------



## Starry Night

And I'm getting so fat! Like, truly fat and not just pregnant big. Yesterday, as i was showering, I noticed I had chub gathering on my friggin' knee caps! I really didn't think I was eating that much more than normally and I'm definitely eating better than I was with my son's pregnancy (no brownie diets). Yet I'm still gaining fat. And now with my GD close call (still hoping to pass the next test) I think I need to open my eyes and just do better. It's too cold to go outside for walks but we do have a 1980s' exercise bike. I'm sure I could do a gentle routine on that. I'm already craving fruit in this pregnancy so cut back on the treats. I know I can't diet or undo what's been done already but I've still got 3 months to go and it's only going to get worse. I've gained 30 pounds already. I gained 60 with my son and I really don't want to repeat that.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry on your knee caps lol !!! How can you even see them with your bump ;) I really am doing fine now , well over the trauma and would do it again 10 times over and more if it resulted in a Sean :) I am so so in love with him :cloud9::cloud9:<3<3<3 . This eerie nice would not put me off from giving Sean a brother or sister ;) my OH though will need some persuasion as he was very scared and shook up . We will give him time ;) 

I am also surprised how quickly recovery from c section is and that I'm not in any major discomfort or pain . It feels stiff and uncomfortable sometimes if I do too much or walk too much and it is a BIG pain I cannot drive for 6 weeks ! But other than that I'm great 

Red I totally agree with you re induction I now know why lotsofwomen are so against it . I'm now one of them , I I can avoid it in the future ( should the need arise ;) ) I will at all costs . Think I'd even prefare a planned c section . 

Hope everyone is having a great weekend xxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Having a fairly good weekend. I'm finding it hard to give up bad habits like snacks in the middle of the night (such as now). I'm just so hungry! And I baked all these goodies for a guest we were having. Yeesh. ha ha Even my healthy meals I eat too much negating all goodness. And I think DS is coming down with pink eye and there is a manufacturer's shortage on eye drops so we have to wait for the walk in clinic to open. Yay.....

Left - give yourself a small rest to make a sibling for Sean. ;) But broodiness is catchy so I"m sure your DH will warm up to the idea eventually. I was able to talk DH down from waiting a year after DS was born to 10 months. A small concession but once he was on the TTC train he was full-on. And we had had our scares too. Broodiness is very strong and not to be reasoned with. 

And I'm glad your recovery is going well. The worst part of recovery for me actually was the post partum bleeding but I'm a bleeder so that was to be expected, I suppose.


----------



## skyesmom

LEFT!!! your birth story has shocked me and given me shivers!!! so so SO glad Sean and you are all right and that it all ended well!!
that silence gave me chills only to read that, can't imagine how you must have felt. no wonder you went in shock, that is normal after a physical and emotional stress like that, it is not only the reaction to section and epidural but your own adrenaline and endorphins shooting up and then withdrawing. SCARY!

anyway i'm on the same page with Red here - these horror induction stories make me angry... but anyway... it has all ended good and the little Sean and you are doing great and that is all that matters in the end!!

now - pics, Topanga you too!!!

as for broodiness, it was literally KILLING me these days, OH also seemed to get some cold feet at the idea again and our angelversary is coming up the next weekend and it all just crushed me, honestly. 
broodiness is so so heavy to deal with and i really try not to overwhelm the OH as i know this puts him off and it's totally understandable but still... it sometimes makes me feel very very lonely.

but anyway, feeling better today and he is warmed up to the idea again so all fine but wow... these couple of days last week were pretty rough i must say!

topanga, i had to think of you so so much when you wrote how amazing it felt that your OH was getting all excited about Lauren and how you had to wait for such a long time to have her and to convince him... insane what one can survive and go through.


----------



## Topanga053

Skye, :hugs:. It's so painful when our SO's get cold feet. I don't know if anyone understands unless they've been there. I remember crying my eyes out before we were TTC because DH said (yet again) that he didn't know if he ever wanted kids. It felt like he was rejecting me! Even with the loss and TTCAL, I knew his heart wasn't in it as much as mine was. I don't think it was until my second or third trimester that Lauren became REAL to him (whereas she's been real to me since before we even started trying!). The change was instantaneous and he became the doting father who held me when I was walking on the ice, cried at her birth, and sings to her every day now before showering her with kisses. But it took him years to get here. It was several months of me being hysterical before he would agree to TTC (my mother in law has told me since that she was worried when she knew he wasn't agreeing to TTC and was planning on talking to him about it before he changed his mind because she didn't think it was fair to me! Lol!). It's now been over two years since I wanted to start trying for a baby and it will be two years next month since we started TTC. It was a long, painful journey, ESPECIALLY those times when DH wasn't on board or having second thoughts, but it was so worth every second of it. I know you'll get there Skye, and your OH's bouts of cold feet will melt away too when the time comes and he realizes what a precious little life the two of you have created! I can't wait to be there when that all happens for you!


----------



## Left wonderin

Morning everyone :) its a beautiful morning here , you can almost feel spring around the corner . Skye I'm sorry your feeling down :hugs: . Angelvarsarys are always a time of high emotions and sadness . It brings all the pain and sadness to the fore . All you can do is be kind to yourself , go with the feelings and trust that it is very normal to feel like that . I also find it helpful to plan something re remembering for the day , visit a special place , go out and buy a special candle to light for the day , complete an act of random kindness in honour of my angel . 
I'm lucky that oh has always been on board with ttc despite finding it very frustrating at times . 

Topanga lol I'm laughing it will be two years in two months that we also made the decision to ttc . It was at a wedding on the May bank holiday . That was me done I became immediately obsessed !! AFM I think I've picked up a nice dose of cystitis :( I hope its not a uti that needs anit biotics. Ill try manage it with cranberry juice for a couple of days and see how I get on .


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga, your post almost made me cry... and smile. This feeling of knowing your child before it's even there, and feeling them and wanting them; and on the other side knowing they're not as much as wanted from the OH all the time is horrifying. sometimes when he gets cold feet i feel like i am the only one who wants that baby and that he couldn't care less and that it is me pushing him into things (and i know it's far from truth but this is how it feels when this feeling comes!).... 

i wouldn't wish this on anybody... yet it is such a relief when you know there is someone, somewhere in the world who has experienced this feeling and who can understand... i find it healing, really.

THANK ALL OF YOU girls for being there for me!!!! <3 

oooh and when this rainbow comes, it will be such joy!!!


----------



## RedWylder

:hi: Hi Left! Hi Topanga! Glad to hear things are wonderful for you two on the other side. I can't believe how fast time seems to be speeding up. I'm 32wk6d and that's just crazy. I'm not quite ready for my LO's birth but she's coming ready or not!

Skye- Men cope so much differently than women. It's important to understand that he might just be getting cold feet as his was of coping. But you guys will figure it out. Don't ever feel alone because we've all been there and done that.


----------



## Starry Night

My dh was always worried about whether or not we could afford a child. I had to point out he and I were in careers that were not going to increase much in the way of pay so if we waited until we could "afford" kids then we'd never have them. I've been lucky that he has otherwise been on the baby train. He said he was one of those guys who always knew he wanted to get married and have kids. He said in highschool his friends made fun of him for it, but that's what he wanted. Though he only ever wanted two kids. I had gotten him to agree to three (and was secretly plotting to get him to agree to four) but now that I feel 'done' with all this TTC I think he's very, very happy that I've become happy with the idea of two. lol

Red - I was thinking about you this morning and wondering when you'd be full-term. It's getting close!

afm - had my second glucose test this morning. It was so frustrating. I got there first thing in the morning and there was already a huge lineup. I was there for half an hour and they had not called a single name! I was fuming as my sister was back at my house and she is flying home tomorrow. I guess the computer had been down but once they got it going they started going through the names faster. The test was more involved than I was expecting. My finger still hurts from the poke they gave me.

I technically passed the first test (it was just very close) so I'm hoping I more clearly pass this one.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, sorry to hear about the frustrations with the second test, but so glad it's finally behind you! Hopefully the results are good! And oh my goodness, four kids! Just the idea exhausts me! DH and I have been talking a lot and we're pretty sure Lauren is going to be our only child. We both always said we would only have one IF we had kids (believe it or not, I always said growing up that I NEVER wanted kids. Then the TTC bug hit me.. hard!!). We love her to pieces, but we also love traveling and working and a lifestyle that's just harder to maintain with multiple kids. So, it's still under discussion, but right now we're pretty convinced this is it!


----------



## Starry Night

We are giving ourselves a year after this one to possibly change our minds but we're pretty set now that we're going to have two. I used to think two kids was 'boring' as I imagined I was going to love having babies. Truthfully, I do love having babies--the baby stage was terrific with DS--but I just can't handle pregnancy or the prospect of another m/c. I really feel I'd have to go through at least one before another live birth and I just can't face that.


----------



## skyesmom

it's insane what the losses do to you. they make you crave the baby even more, even if you were never a baby-person, and at the same time they also make you dread the whole journey and in the end have less children than you wished for... Honestly, when i think of an impact they have on human lives, and how life-long and life-determining that impact is, i am shocked (still to this day) that miscarriage is still such a great taboo, and so so much underrated.


----------



## Starry Night

Exactly. That insanity and baby-obsession is a big part of why I want to stop after two now. I'm tired of the TTC train. I feel drained and don't like how much it has taken over my life. Other than the 10 month break between DS and the start of our TTC#2 journey, I have been in this world since fall of 2009. I'm just so weary. If I were younger maybe I could handle taking a few years off and reconsider then but I'm in my 30s already and I also just feel I can become a better person if I move on with my life.

And I think since most couples choose to only have one or two kids it reduces the odds of them ever having a miscarriage. If everyone was still having 5 or 6 babies then more of our peers would have had at least one as well. Though I'm glad so many of my friends do not know the pain of miscarriage firsthand even though some of their flippant remarks are painful.


----------



## Carybear

I can understand that. I think its awesome that you are having one of each! What a blessing...

Life has been so busy for me that it has been a little easier to not obsess about it... More than anything in the work I want to hold my rainbows in my arms, but no amount of wishful thinking will get me there. Just patience and hard work. I'm finding that right now hard work seems to be my life. I know though that when my little blessings come I will be able to ease up and enjoy them.


----------



## skyesmom

Cary you're a trooper honestly! 

i admire you so so so much! i hope when my angeversary passes this week, that it will be easier to focus on other things! thank you for all your incredible support ladies!


----------



## Left wonderin

Where has everyone gone ??????? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelooooooooooooooooooo :) hope everyone is doing ok ? For those waiting how is pg going ? Those with new arrivals how are ye feeing ? For those still ttc Or ntnp how are things with ye ??


----------



## Starry Night

Been battling a stomach bug which has really left me flat. 48 hours later and I still feel like junk though I think there is some improvement. 

I haven't heard back from the doctor yet about my glucose screening results so I'm hoping that's a good sign. With my first test I had heard back the next day. My next appointment is on Tuesday so I'll know for sure one way or the other then. And I'm hoping I go to 2 week appointments after this. I think things will go quicker which more frequent check-ups. Third tri has just started for me and I'm already so tired of it all. I feel as cranky as I did with DS at 35 weeks. Can't imagine how hard I"m going to be to live with when I am that far along. :blush: I just want baby Hannah to be here safe in my arms.


----------



## RedWylder

Hi left! I'm just waiting. I don't have much to say at the moment. 33 wks and counting. It's all going quite quickly right now and I'm enjoying the last few weeks I have alone with my daughter.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oooooh your all just flying by !! In no time we will have some new arrivals :) I can't wait to see all our on the road again babies :) that obviously includes Cary and Sky :) me and Sean are doing just fine :) I can't believe how it feels like he has been here forever and he is only 2 weeks old ! Here we are having a cuddle after a feed this morning
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 31.8 KB
Views: 5


----------



## Left wonderin

And one when we are little more decent ! Ready to to to granny for dinner :)
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 39.6 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Carybear

How precious left... He is just gorgeous!

Wow! Red! Can't believe how close you are getting... Now much longer for you either Starry... and I love the name Hannah


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, Left, he is so wee and precious. I love his scrunchy little face. Newborns make the best facial expressions. I can't wait for my turn to come.

Still feeling under the weather. Tried to eat some lunch today but it didn't go over well. I wasn't sick but it just tasted blech and is sitting heavy. And I'm so dizzy. Going on day 4....:wacko:


----------



## rayraykay

Left- what a birth story. Man oh man. I am so glad Sean is here safe & sound. Labor is not for the faint of heart! Haha, women are so amazing. Our bodies are incredible. How are you feeling? 

Starry- I hope no news is good news as well for your GD test. I would imagine if they haven't called you yet it's probably good news. I am so sorry you've been sick. I hope you start to feel better soon. 

Red- 33 weeks! Enjoy the time.. as I know you are. Even tho I am so happy to have Sloane here, I do sometimes miss feeling her inside me. There is something so special about that- it's a bond only you and your baby have. No one else. So cool. 

Cary- As usual thank you for the support. How are you? How is DH? 

Skye- Hi!!!! I hope you're doing well. 

Anchor- Hi! Love to you and your precious baby Evelyn! 

AFM- Sloane will be 12 weeks on Tuesday. She rolled from her tummy to back for the first time on Wednesday. That was insane. She also laughed for the first time at me singing her Bingo last night. It was to die for. She also cries real tears now. So heartbreaking! Time seemed to creep by when I was pregnant and now I wish it would slow down.

Love to everyone. xoxoxo


----------



## skyesmom

awww Left!! he's so so precious!

and Starry - Hannah is a beautiful name! I also like that it's a palindrome, that you can read it both from left to right and vice versa... lol sounds funny but i like symmetrical names (and still named my angel Skye which is not symmetrical at all!)

Rayray - thanks for checking up! so so sweet to hear Sloane is making her first big discoveries and achievements, i think those "first everythings" really make your heart melt in a way which can't be described and told. 
and you also answered one of the questions i've been asking myself for a while, too.. after mc i of course missed the feeling of the baby inside my tummy, and was wondering if you still feel that after the birth, too, even if they're safe and sound and healthy in your arms, as it's such a particular and unique feeling! so, you do!

Red! 33 weeks!!!!! eeeek!! it's gonna be in no time!!

Cary, Anchor and Topanga: my greetings and love to you! i hope you're doing fine girls!

afm, working and feeling much better now. my angelversary passed, only OH and i remembered and it was fine :) he was really really really sweet and took me out for a dinner and then a little trip to the beach which was totally unexpected and it really really made my day! he's just the best! <3


----------



## rayraykay

skye- I am so sorry about your loss. Angelversaries are tough. Although I am so happy that your OH remembered and treated you with loving kindness. I remember feeling that way after I had my mc too. And yes, I do miss feeling Sloane inside my belly sometimes. It's odd, to feel something then have it be gone. It's nice that I have her where I can see her, anything that comes up seems easier to fix when she's on the outside, but the worrying never stops, haha. Welcome to motherhood my momma has told me.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ray ray you have such a great way of describing things ! That's exactly it now they are here I feel I have some hope of fixing the issue that arises ! When they were inside its all so totally out of your control . Skye anneversaries are so hard , its so lovely that you marked it and your oh remembered and minded you xxxxx I hope you also minded yourself , anniversaries bring up so many emotions, feeling and memories xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

skye - :hugs: Angelversaries are tough. How wonderful that your OH participated in it with you and was there to help you through and make you feel special. As time passes the emotions on those dates get less raw even though you never really forget. 

This rainbow is due right smack in between three angelversaries (2 m/c anniversaries and 1 angel due date...it is a tough week...) so I am hoping to find some way to remember my lost babies when this one is born. Maybe include them in the FB annoucement.

afm - appointment went well. No GD! :happydance: Little girl was bashful and I had to force myself to not panic with my OB couldn't find the heart beat right away. The doctor was hemming a bit and I right away said "she was kicking me the whole way here!" I was still relieved when she found the heart beat. I'm at 2 week appointments now so I'm hoping that will help time pass.


----------



## skyesmom

thank you for your support ladies! it means the world to me!

this angelversary went quite smoothly compared to the last year (it was the first one for this loss, so all still very very raw and I was on a business trip! sucked BIG time!!)
but yes, i definitely am so so lucky to have the OH i have... the best man ever :) 
i was happy it was weekend so i didn't have to work and so on... otherwise i think i'd taken some time off anyway as being forced to put up a pretty face is the worst for me. i actually woke up feeling quite well to my surprise, and both OH and I had a couple of hard moments but as we were "allowed" to show our feelings (there were no people around) and talk about them, it all went away smoothly... 

if we were at work or ie. a drink with friends and had to keep up a smiley face, it would have been way way harder! like this, it was perfect and i was happy to see that the time did heal some wounds, although we never forget.

Starry that is a tough angelversary schedule there in a week! but your LO arriving exactly then feels like she's a present from all your angels, like all of them saying hello to you and letting you know they are always close to their sister... even with their angelversaries <3 honestly, the romantic person i am, i just can't believe this is a coincidence <3


----------



## Starry Night

I am hoping it's not a coincidence too. My first miscarriage actually happened on the anniversary of the day DH proposed to me and ever since then I've been hoping to "redeem" that day, that month, to the happy time it used it be in my mind.


----------



## Left wonderin

I had Sean on the 22nd of February but was brought in for induction on the 21st . The date of my first ov after mc ( checked ff ) was the 21st of feb 2013 ! Weird or what


----------



## Starry Night

I had a dream that this one will come by section on the 21st of May. I doubt that will happen though. My doc wants me to VBAC so a section a week before the due date would mean something had changed and not a good change and I don't want that.


----------



## Carybear

I'm having a difficult night... I want to be a mom so much... I should totally write this in another thread because you all deserve to hear good things and not complaints, but it just sucks... Most of the time I can keep it to myself and go on with life... But it was 16 months today that I mc and it is hard for me not to wonder why not me????
I'm sure my time will come but I'm tired of the waiting... 

Sorry ladies.. Don't have too many pity parties but I guess tonight just feels like a good time to have one...


----------



## Starry Night

You are more than welcome to pity-party here. :hugs: That desire to be a mom is such a beautiful thing so of course it will hurt when it doesn't happen. We can't always be strong. I keep thinking of you (and Skye) and hoping that you will get your precious babies soon.


----------



## Left wonderin

Carybear said:


> I'm having a difficult night... I want to be a mom so much... I should totally write this in another thread because you all deserve to hear good things and not complaints, but it just sucks... Most of the time I can keep it to myself and go on with life... But it was 16 months today that I mc and it is hard for me not to wonder why not me????
> I'm sure my time will come but I'm tired of the waiting...
> 
> Sorry ladies.. Don't have too many pity parties but I guess tonight just feels like a good time to have one...

Cary I would be sad to think you couldn't share how you are feeling with us . You have been so supportive to all. Of us even when your journey has been difficulty . I know that yearning and it cannot be ignored its like a ache deep down . Please share how you are feeling and doing and let us be here for you even if its only with a listening ear :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Thanks so much.


----------



## rayraykay

Cary- first of all :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: times a million. This is one of the many times that I wish I could hug you in person. I am a big believer in hugs and I love giving and receiving them. haha. 

Second of all- ALWAYS feel free to come here and tell us those things. That's what this is, a support thread. I am always in awe of how incredibly supportive you've been to us even when you journey to a rainbow is still in progress. sending you love today & always


----------



## RedWylder

I'm with the other ladies, Cary. Never feel like you can't share here. We all remember the pain of trying to concieve far to well and we'd be poor friends if we couldn't support you even though you've graciously supported us for the past 9+ months. Hang in there. You'll get your moment.


----------



## skyesmom

Cary!! i hear you! and i second all the other ladies here! i've pity-parted here recently myself, big time! :) and receiving all the support and understanding from all of you has really made a difference for me. 

as rayray says, i'm also a great believer in hugs, and if i could hug you instead of typing, i would. i so understand this yearning in your heart, when all the rest that you do no matter how it's going, gets just a relative importance and it all feels senseless because you can't get your baby.

those moments come sooner or later, no matter how strong you are (and trust me, you're one of the strongest women i've seen around here. all of you here).

these nights come because it is simply effing HARD. hard hard hard hard. and you can't always be having good days and easy heart when it's hard. and feel defeated and discouraged and wanting to give up because it is so unfair. 

and when it gets that tough, there really is no need for giving you an extra load by staying alone... that's why we are here, to support each other!

the day i see you posting your BFP announcement here, i'll do a happy dance as if it were my own!

<3 and trust me, they're just around the corner <3


----------



## Topanga053

The other girls have already said it all, but Cary, I'm so glad you're here and sharing with us! We're all here to support each other, no matter where we are on our journey!! I am so sorry you were having a hard day. I hope the sorrow has past for you and your heart is a little bit lighter today. You are an amazing woman and your rainbow will be just as amazing as you someday! In the meantime, ALWAYS come here if you need shoulders to cry on! We have plenty of them and we've used your shoulder plenty of times! 

Love to all of you amazing girls!! xoxo


----------



## Carybear

Ladies! I feel so loved! Thank you all so much. 

My neice is pregnant and due May 2nd with number four. She doesn't take care of the first three. I guess that is what made me lose it.. Saw her message on facebook. 

I know my time is coming (and yours too Skye) and when it does I will be the happiest woman in the world. Anywho... :hugs: to you ladies and precious rainbows.


----------



## skyesmom

Starry Night said:


> I had a dream that this one will come by section on the 21st of May. I doubt that will happen though. My doc wants me to VBAC so a section a week before the due date would mean something had changed and not a good change and I don't want that.

...and Starry regarding your dream, i know you're fearing another C section, but especially because of this, i see this dream as a way for you and your brain to deal with that fear, rather than a premonition of something bad or unforeseen.

you're a trooper for having made it this far and you know it! i really really hope you'll get your VBAC in the end, and that it goes smoothly!


----------



## Starry Night

ha ha, thanks. I'm not afraid of a section itself. I've been through one and I wasn't really traumatized or anything. But my OB seems quite set on VBAC so for her to change her mind would mean something has happened. My only 'bump' so far in this pregnancy was the mild GD scare. 

A section in some ways would be convenient. My mom wants to come after the baby is born to help around the house for a few weeks and she needs to know when to take time off of work and book her flights. She would also like to be here so she can watch DS for us. Last time it worked out perfect as she just booked for the week after my due date to allow time for going over and the day I was released from the hospital was the day we had to pick her up from the airport. It was perfect timing. But not sure we're going to get as lucky again this time.


----------



## Left wonderin

Boy its quite on here ! Everyone just waiting lol. Well just wanted to wish you all a happy st Paddy's day xxxxxxxx
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 34.1 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Carybear

Left, He's such a darling... 

Happ St. Patty's Day!


----------



## Starry Night

Cute! I guess today is St. Patrick's Day. Yesterday, our neighbour across the street spray painted green all over the snowbanks by their yard. They do the same for Valentine's Day.

Today's been a bad day. First tri symptoms seem to be coming back and I'm so constipated and bloated and crampy. My stomach just ACHED today and I feel like I'm on the edge of gagging. It feels similar to just before I got my bfp. I am on anti-biotics for an infected cuticle so that is probably not helping. Baby is moving well so I'm trying not to imagine the worst.


----------



## RedWylder

Im sure all is great Starry. Things are not going super for me either. This has been a hard week in terms of comfort. I'm now wearing a supportive belly band thing pretty much full time. When I don't wear it and even when I do, I have constant back pain on my right side. It can get so bad that it feels like someone is stabbing me in teh kidney. I think it's round ligament pain. Regardless, there doesn't seem to be any cure or fix for it so I'm just waiting it out. I'm going to go to the chiropractor and hope they can help but I don't have high hopes. However, all that beign said, I'd gladly take 9 months of this pain to meet my rainbow. 5ish weeks to go!


----------



## Starry Night

Wow! 5(ish) weeks! I hope they go by quickly for you in spite of all the discomforts. And yes, our babies will be worth it all in the end. The discomforts just make me all the more anxious for that day to come.


----------



## skyesmom

awwww Sean the leprechaun!! Happy St. Patrick's day!!

eeeek red 5ish weeks!!! where did the year 2014 go???? omg!! keeping my fingers crossed the chiropractor helps you (one of my friends swears by it, she gave birth 2 years ago and if someone mentions the word "chiropractor" to this day, she'll start an hour long monologue on how it saved her life in the 3rd and 4th tri).

Starry i believe the antibiotics are causing your bloat and constipation (and nausea). they sure help fight the infection but they also kill the good intestinal flora which you NEED for digestion (let alone good digestion), so if i were you i'd either ask for a probiotics supplement or eat loads of those probiotic yoghurts and such to help you! 

hold on ladies!! you are my heroes!!!

ps. hahaha and i laughed my ass off at the thought of spay painting the snow green!!! actually, to spray painting the snow at all!!!


----------



## Starry Night

One farmer along the highway spray-painted the words "Free Snow" on a snowbank along his driveway! The next time we drove past we saw a pair of stuffed jeans complete with boots sticking up in the air out of the same snow bank. This winter is doing crazy things to people. ha ha

And I do have pro-biotic yogurt. I need to get eating it. I'm getting some itching "down there" and I am blaming the anti-biotics. As well as DTD. This pregnancy I seem to get an infection every single time we do it. So super annoying. I was like that when I was on the pill and my GP told me that the pill kills pro-biotics in the system. Bla.


----------



## skyesmom

hhaha you should publish a scientific research on "effects of winter and too much snow on psychological health of canadian farmers" lol!! those people are hilarious!

and the itching down there is defo the antibiotics, i also had that issue sometimes when would take them! then yoghurt it is Starry!


----------



## skyesmom

gah girls!!! i didn't wanna spread hopes and panic out here but gosh... 

AF was 5 days late... i knew i was out as i wasn't feeling pregnant (the only night i was queasy, OH was feeling sick too, turns out we had a milder food poisoning from a bad (and expensive!) restaurant!)... 

...no BFP here, i didn't post anything in the meantime not to raise the hopes up (both yours and mines), as i knew i was out... i did cave in and POAS yesterday when it was 4 days late and got a big blasting BFN... might sound disappointing, but to me it was somehow exciting... 

...you know, i at least got to the POAS stage! after all these months of waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting... even a damn BFN feels like a success (i'm going bonkers i know!).


----------



## Starry Night

That IS very exciting that you're back at the POAS stage! I hope it goes quickly for you and you get your sticky rainbow soon!

:dust:


----------



## rayraykay

Skye!! That IS exciting! 2014 is gonna be another great year for sticky rainbows in our thread!

:dust: :dust:


----------



## Starry Night

Baby got her first serious bout of the hiccups today. It was very cute. My whole stomach was vibrating with them. DS had gotten them really badly and they got quite violent towards the end. We'll see what happens with his little sister! :)

And I happily no longer automatically associate my niece with my lost baby. I just adore seeing her on Skype every week and hearing her fussing and crying. And seeing her smile at my relatives makes me so super excited for my own little one. And I just want to pinch those chubby thighs of hers! It's not taking long at all for her to become a little porker. ha ha My brother sires tubby babies. So cute! It's hard being so far away from them.


----------



## skyesmom

awww Starry that's so cute, hearing your excitement over your niece and also hearing you've managed to make that great healing step! it is such a relief!

oh and baby hiccups! i never knew babies could get a hiccup while still in the belly haha :) things u learn on babyandbump!! how does that look and feel like? can you see it on the outside too??

awww sweet!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry how cute , Sean used to get them all the time inside and now still does lol ! Its so wonderful to see you excited :) I'm so happy for you :)


----------



## Starry Night

I remember hearing that if a baby has loads of hiccups while in the womb they will most likely have them as a newborn. That was definitely true of DS. Most of my kick counts were his hiccups! Sometimes that was the only way I knew he was still alive in there. LOL He was otherwise fairly sedate. This one is a wiggly worm and hasn't had the hiccups that often. I knew DS would be a calm, happy baby before he was born. This one....I'm not so sure. LOL I've already nicknamed her "the Pest" because she is always dancing on my cervix, using my bladder as her personal bean-bag chair or grinds her head against my hip bone. LOL


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry Night said:


> I remember hearing that if a baby has loads of hiccups while in the womb they will most likely have them as a newborn. That was definitely true of DS. Most of my kick counts were his hiccups! Sometimes that was the only way I knew he was still alive in there. LOL He was otherwise fairly sedate. This one is a wiggly worm and hasn't had the hiccups that often. I knew DS would be a calm, happy baby before he was born. This one....I'm not so sure. LOL I've already nicknamed her "the Pest" because she is always dancing on my cervix, using my bladder as her personal bean-bag chair or grinds her head against my hip bone. LOL

Sounds like ya might have a little madam on your hands :haha: !! Isn't it lovely getting to know them and their little ways . I knew Sean would be a laid back little guy who does not like being disturbed ! I was so right . He is a gentle little soul . So your into single figures :happydance: Starry you won't feel the time going . Are you on forget nightly visits to hospital yet ?


----------



## Starry Night

Yep. I see my OB on Wednesday after only a 2 week wait. It makes me feel like things are happening. But I know this time will still drag. With DS I think by 35 weeks I was crying every day because it wasn't over yet. LOL Dang those hormones....


----------



## RedWylder

Starry our experiences couldn't be different. I nearly had a panic attack last night thinking I was going to go into labor soon and I'm not ready. I don't have all my sub plans done, I'm still working through some college coursework, and baby stuff isn't completely done. 36 weeks tomorrow so I'm on crunch time!


----------



## skyesmom

eeeek red 36 weeks!!! you are almost there! i hope you manage to finish all you need to do and relax a bit before your baby comes! oh a new rainbow is here soon! (fingers crossed not too soon for you!)


----------



## Starry Night

RedWylder said:


> Starry our experiences couldn't be different. I nearly had a panic attack last night thinking I was going to go into labor soon and I'm not ready. I don't have all my sub plans done, I'm still working through some college coursework, and baby stuff isn't completely done. 36 weeks tomorrow so I'm on crunch time!

With both my pregnancies I was no longer working or in school so I think only having house chores to do (and bed rest the first time around) gives you a lot of time to dwell and think. Nothing to distract me. Also, this time I already have pretty much everything I need. I do need to set up the bassinet and get my hospital bags ready but feel I have a few weeks yet to do that. We're having the baby in our room for a few months so we're not even in a rush to get DS out of the nursery though we do have his new bed ready to go. We just need to paint his new room and we're doing that after baby is here and my parents come to visit.

Anyways, yay! So exciting to think your little one will be here soon. If you're really stressed about getting things ready just focus on the absolute essentials you'll need when she first arrives. Make sure the car seat in the car, have your hospital bag ready and a place for the baby to sleep. The other things can essentially wait. It's nice to have them done ahead of time but it's not really necessary. We ended up not painting the nursery until after my son's first birthday. :blush:


----------



## Left wonderin

Your so right Starry ! Non essentials can wait ! You spend most of the time sitting on the couch feeding , the most important things to have is the remote control , the phone , a drink ( for you ) nappy and wipes and your good to go for at least a month !! Oh Muslin or a bib !! I could easily have lived on my couch for the last month ;) lol


----------



## RedWylder

I'm not really worried about baby stuff. I'm actually pretty relaxed about that. It would be nice to have the nursery completely organized and everything but that stuff is not worrying me. I've got 8 credit hours of difficult biology labs plus a teaching job that is the real concern. But honestly, I feel pretty ok about that stuff too. I will get as much done as I can but if baby comes then oh well. LOL! 

I'm so excited to meet my rainbow but I'll miss being pregnant. Sure I'm uncomfortable but I don't get to do this all the time. I'm not a 18 kids and counting sort of person .


----------



## Starry Night

lol. Me neither. Two is most likely enough for us (though I admit it is a little tough to give up the dream of a third) It is neat to think you have another human being growing inside of you who will be their own individual. I don't really enjoy being pregnant but it is wonderful to be so intimately connected to my child. I think that feeling of being part of something special will be what I miss the most.


----------



## skyesmom

oh Red, 8 credit hours of bio lab are tough! are you allowed to do any being pregnant because of chemicals and risk and stuff? I'm so far out of that world now but i remember it was quite tough even without being pregnant, long hours and so much to do and so much dangerous stuff to use too... how old are the kids you're teaching?


----------



## RedWylder

I'm doing it distance ed and so far none of the chemicals and stuff have been too bad. I teach high school.


----------



## skyesmom

high school kids can be tough, i really admire you for doing that job. it's a mission not a job actually!


----------



## Carybear

Wow! Red! 36 weeks!!!! I'm so excited for you! 

Starry it is so awesome that you are finally excited! I can actually feel the excitement in your posts.

How are all the rainbows and their mommas????

How are ya Skye?

AFM... well I'm busy as anything and working really hard on our rainbow... This month was a first for me. I got a lot of clear EWCM - which is normal - and then I got a lot of clear liquid. It was kinda watery. I know it isn't my husband because his sperm has a distinct smell. SO... not sure if it goes along with ovulation or not... We've been DTD every night so as not to miss it.


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - those definitely sound like positive signs. I usually get the clear liquid after ewcm around ov. The clear liquid is fairly fertile cm as well. Sounds like you've done all you could! I hope your body is figuring out what should be going on and that it takes advantage of this opportunity and gives you a sticky bean!:dust:

afm - OB appointment today. I'm glad they're only 2 weeks apart now. Less time to imagine horrible things. ha ha


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary :) its lovely to hear from you :) sounds like you and oh are keeping busy these days :haha: hopefully your hard work will pay off this month with a pay check of a sticky beanie:baby: Sean is sitting in my arms as we speak so we both said a quick prayer to holy God for a rainbow for you:hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

oh Cary!! that's a hard-working rainbow-making schedule there! every night!! you guys are amazing!

i'm out this month but it's ok. i was 5 days late for AF and just peeing on a stick even with a blasting BFN felt as a success already. at least SOMETHING! 

i am keeping everything crossed for you that you get your beautiful rainbow this time around!


----------



## Left wonderin

skyesmom said:


> oh Cary!! that's a hard-working rainbow-making schedule there! every night!! you guys are amazing!
> 
> i'm out this month but it's ok. i was 5 days late for AF and just peeing on a stick even with a blasting BFN felt as a success already. at least SOMETHING!
> 
> i am keeping everything crossed for you that you get your beautiful rainbow this time around!

Sky of course we had a little whisper in Gods ear for BFP for all our bnb friends :) :flower:


----------



## Carybear

LOL... That's our NTNP schedule

I was going to go back to temping but it's just too stressful so I'm covering cd9-22... The truth is my mom lives with us which can at times hinder things  She sleeps on the other side of the house. But, for this week she is visiting my sister and the house is ours... Figured we should take advantage of the alone time.... Couldn't have fallen at a better time in the month!


----------



## Carybear

In work related news... We had to turn in our intents for next year. I currently teach fifth grade but am thinking about going to middle school. 

I just need a change. My school is a very hard school to work in and I think it would be good to move to another place. Of course, I'd rather need time off because a rainbow is coming


----------



## Carybear

Sorry I missed it when I read.. How did the appointment go Starry?


----------



## Starry Night

Appointment went well. Baby gave a giant kick to the doppler today. First time she's done that. Little stinker. ha ha And OB made me decide whether to VBAC or not. I wasn't prepared to make that decision today but I'm going to go ahead with the VBAC. A little afraid but my section with DS had to do with fetal distress and not with any sort of failure to progress. I got to 9cm unassisted. Our hospital will go through with an induction for VBAC but they won't do one until 42 weeks so odds are I will go into labour on my own before that. DS was born at 40+4 so hoping this one is just as punctual--if not more so.


----------



## Starry Night

Double posting to BUMP this thread. :winkwink:
 



Attached Files:







bump.png
File size: 184.3 KB
Views: 3


----------



## Left wonderin

Wow Starry its all so real now and flying !!!! Can't believe your 31 weeks !! She will be here before you know it :) and your bump is so cute :)


----------



## Starry Night

I hope time flies! I am so eager to hold her. I was watching an episode of "Call the Midwife" today and I just wanted to snuggle all the little bundles they showed. ha ha


----------



## Left wonderin

I know that feeling well , near the end of my pregnancy I couldn't watch a newborn on an add or tv or I'd cry !! Hormones , one born every min was the worst I sobbed !! Now I can have as many cuddles as I like :) and soon you can too :)


----------



## RedWylder

Oh my gosh Starry, I'm with you. I cry at everything baby. My hubby is even starting to feel a little mushy. I caught him looking at a baby and I asked if he thought that was a cute baby. He said something like "Dammit, yes. That parasite of yours is making me sentimental." Normally he wants nothing to do with other people's babies so it was a funny and cute moment.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Red how are you feeling ? Have either of you gotten insomnia ? I really was nuts for a while about 3 weeks before he came !!! I just couldn't sleep no matter what I did . I had periods I'd be awake for 36 hours and full of energy !!!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

I've only had one or two nights where I've struggled to sleep because I just felt too alert. I have been blessed with the ability to sleep through just about anything including my urge to pee. Most nights I only pee once if that through the night. The main cause of my lack of sleep when I do have issues is back pain. I have these severe spasms or something that will just attack me out of no where. But thankfully they are not constant.


----------



## Starry Night

I struggle with insomnia while not pregnant so definitely get pregnancy insomnia but most of my sleepless nights aren't from random energy. My one major cause is horrific hormone-induced nightmares. I also have problems with nightmares when not pregnant but most are the type that I find silly as soon as I'm awake and I wonder why I was so scared. But the ones I have now freak me right out and torment me for days. :cry: The pee breaks are not so bad but if I'm going to be up anyways I might as well go. :haha: Trying to fall asleep with acid reflux and aching hips and tailbone are the main difficulties.

I usually have to sleep with the TV on to help keep my anxieties at bay and to distract me from any sick feelings caused by the acid reflux. For awhile my nightmares had gotten so bad I had to sleep with the light on as well. (I can't share a bed when pregnant as DH is way too tossy and turny so he's been in the spare room the past 7 months and will be until baby is born)


----------



## skyesmom

jesus, reading this thread really warns me on everything that i could expect in the third tri! thanks ladies! :) although knowing myself i'd be like you Left.
Last time i was prego i was suuuuuper emotional (like cried my eyes out on the stupid bethoven the dog movie because of how they were a family and loved each other, lol :S ) and had tons of unexplainable energy too :)


----------



## RedWylder

Skye, it isn't all bad. The important thing is to remain positive throughout any of the negative effects. My hypnosis training has really helped me with this. I listen to my "joyful pregnancy affirmations" on the way to work and my hypnosis tracks while I fall asleep and I think they make a big difference with how you experience pregnancy. It isn't easy being pregnant but I am thankful everyday that I wake up and have a chance to feel the little girl move. Since she is a rainbow baby, it makes it even more precious to me.


----------



## skyesmom

:) i don't take any of these experiences as negative :) they are all a part of an amazing journey that is lived day by day :) just since i never gotten even to the second tri, it seems so far off to me and reading your experiences makes it more real :) with all of its amazing "troubles"! and you ladies are my heroes!


----------



## Left wonderin

Sky I felt like the whole experience was like a dream for me . All the odds were against me , my ages (41) previous loss and OH being a smoker ... ( since reformed ! ) I actually felt like pinching myself every day to make sure it was real . Still do to be honest . I'd given up hope of ever being some ones Mum but hang in there dreams do come true and there are happy ever afters :) xxxx I'm sure one day soon you will get yours xxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I honestly hate how pregnancy makes me feel physically and it's not fun adding the fear from previous losses on top of my pre-existing anxiety disorder but that takes nothing away from the specialness of it all and how excited I am to meet the baby. I'm definitely super grateful and DS is proof it's all worth it in the end. I loved, loved the baby stage with him. That in of itself had an adjustment period and it wasn't all roses but I just loved having him around. I still will stand over his bed at night as he sleeps and just thank God for him. I often choose to forget the scares I had with him during my pregnancy as it's just to painful to think I almost didn't get to keep him. He really, truly is a miracle child. And his little sister is one too. Can't believe I'm getting a second chance at this.

I'm not a fortune-teller....I can't see into people's futures....but there is always hope and there is always the possibility your own little miracles are waiting for you just around the corner.


----------



## Starry Night

I hope everyone is doing well! Not too much going on at the moment though baby is starting to get extremely busy in there. On Sunday she moved non-stop ALL day. It was starting to make me feel ill. LOL We had made the 9 hour drive to the inlaws and I"m glad we did as now they won't be coming here at Easter. I always find them easier to bear at their own house rather than mine and I can't imagine how I'd be with them in my face while I"m full term. We also managed to miss a massive winter storm that seemed to hit only our town and surrounding area -- we returned to a foot of snow!!! And this is on top of all the snow we already had. ha ha


----------



## RedWylder

37 weeks today for me! I spend the day washing and oranizing baby clothes/blankets etc. Im also busy putting finishing decorative touches on the nursery and trying to figure out where to put things she doesn't need right away. Gosh babies have a lot of stuff.


----------



## skyesmom

haha lol Red!! you are so so so right! when my SIL got her baby (the first one in the family and also after a loss) i remember i'd go to their place, find it flooded with stuff and i have to admit, except from the obvious things (baby clothes, diapers, pacifiers, muslins, etc)... of some i wasn't even aware they existed, let alone know what they were for!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry 9 hours !!!! Is that round trip ? My goodness that is some treck ! How long did that take ? I think its bad when I've to drive 2 hours to visit my inlaws ! Sure that only up the road compared to your epic journey ;) 
I remember that sickly feeling with non stop movment awwwwwwwh I miss the inside kicks but don't envy the uncomfortableness of the last tri . 
Red exciting weeks ahead for you your journey is nearly over , soon ya will meet your LO:) I would love to see photo of your nursery if ya want to share ?


----------



## Carybear

I second left... I would love to see nursery photos...

So excited for you Red and Starry... Two more rainbows are almost here


----------



## Starry Night

Nope. The drive is 9 hours each way. The joys of living in Canada. Everything is very far apart. I normally don't mind road trips but stopping every hour to pee is no fun. :haha: I always have to imprint on DH's mind "the next gas station we ARE stopping" because the one after that could be another 15 minutes. We did the drive in my first trimester which was worse in a way because I was also quite sick. I was popping Gravol like candy.

The hardest part of the journey was actually stopping at one rest stop where I had a major bleed out during my m/c in fall 2012. I had thought it was all over when we left for our journey, but about 2 hours in the bleeding started up and by the time we reached this particular stop I was practically bleeding out. I remember bleeding all over the floor and having to mop it all up. So, this time, as I was entering the building I felt myself shaking a bit. But thankfully, the stop had redone their washroom entirely and it looked nothing like it did that night. I was surprised by the feelings that entering the stop had evoked.

Red - wow, full term!!! I hope you're enjoying sorting through the baby's things. Makes it seem more real, doesn't it? Can't wait to hear all about your baby's arrival.


----------



## RedWylder

I will take more of the rest of the room once it's picked up. As it is I had to clear the floor around the crib and chair for clutter free picture. 

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Nursery_zps346afc25.jpg


----------



## skyesmom

oh Red it is so so cute! very romantic rustic touch to it!


----------



## Carybear

How precious is that! I love the mobile!


----------



## Left wonderin

I love it red and I love the splashes of colour :)


----------



## Carybear

I'm guessing I am around 7 dpo... For the last two days I have had period like cramps... nothing terrible just uncomfortable... I keep thinking AF is here but she would be about a week early... 

I've been so stressed lately that I'm thinking maybe that is it... I'm constantly exhausted but I'm working 13-15 hours a day. My school district just informed me that I needed to take the TIP program. This is a program for new teachers. A new teacher to the district gets a mentor and has 3 years to complete the program. This is my third year with the district and I'm just now being notified???? They gave me the Early completion option because I have 16 years of teaching. But, I have to do 6 hours of training each Saturday for the next 3 saturdays..

Today I worked until 8 pm for conference night. Tomorrow we have a meeting for our business and saturday I'm in training from 8:30-3:30 and a marriage conference from 6-8:30... Sunday I work the whole day in my church's childrens ministry... Monday I start my week all over again. And I wonder why I'm exhausted... I want a vacation so bad... But It's not in the budget right now :-(


----------



## skyesmom

Cary your week sounds like a trooper march. no wonder you are knackered. but i really really hope with all my heart that there is another little priceless rainbow reason contributing to your exhaustion in this moment! keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Red - that nursery is amazing!!! I absolutely love the rustic style and the bright colours you have added. It looks like you have a real eye for these things.

I will have to post my nursery pics after baby is here as we won't be moving DS out until then and the room needs a few touch ups. We're sticking with the Peter Rabbit theme though.

Cary - sounds like such a rough schedule. It's amazing you're keeping up at all. Teaching really is such a thankless job at times and then people want to say you have it easy. (I'm not a teacher but several of my friends are so I hear stories). I'm with skye....I hope there is a little rainbow inside that is adding to the exhaustion.

Either way, are you ever able to take time off for a "staycation"? Just stay home, turn off the cellphones, unplug the computer, etc and just spend time the two of you. One year DH and I did that for our anniversary as that was all we could afford. It wasn't exciting but it was restful.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks... I'm not really letting myself think too much about it. I'ver spent too many months where I was sure that it was the month only to be let down. 

DH and I are both taking very good vitamins so we will see if that helped. Its hard because I feel like the things I want most are so far out of reach! I'm just trying to keep everything in perspective.

Staycation sounds wonderful but it won't happen. DH will never turn off the phone or aanythng like thaat... Summer is coming and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to teach summer school. So I plan to do a lot of NOTHING this summer. I'm going to let my church know that I will not be doing VBS... I just have to get some down time. 8 weeks... In 8 weeks my fifth graders will leave and I have a HUGE smile on my face!!! It has been a rough year.

I realized today that in 8 days I will be reaching 18 months since my mc... Never thought I would be TTC still... It took us 2 1/2 years to get the first BFP... Praying it doesn't take any longer...

Red, any signs that LO is starting to think about coming?

Starry, glad to hear the she is so active.

Skye how's the TTC coming along?

Hi to Anchor, Left, Rayray, and everyone else....


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi ladies :) hope you all are well its been kinda quite on here ?


----------



## Starry Night

Not too much to update. Have my next OB appointment tomorrow. DH also has a job interview in the city so he's going to drop us off at the mall that has a play centre for tots. I do have some small concerns about the amount of dizziness and breathlessness I've been having. I mostly think baby's position has a lot to do with it though. It's worse the higher up she's sitting or when she's breech. She is still somersaulting around in there. No clue how she has the room. :haha:


----------



## Starry Night

Appointment went well. Picked up a few more things for baby -- the mattress pad and a sheet saver/spit up pad to go over the sheets. Still need to get some soothers and some new bottle nipples and diapers. Then it's time to start getting my hospital bag ready. But I'm not ready to look to that just yet. Feels too soon. lol

Red - how are things getting on with you? Baby should be coming any time soon! :)


----------



## skyesmom

so happy about your appointment Starry!! and so so happy your little girl didn't give you much hard times so far!! 

as far as i'm concerned, no baby yet here, but weirdly enough a colleague asked me if i was pregnant yesterday because i was going to the toilet all the time, and then i had a most wonderful dream about being pregnant (they don't happen often even though i spent two years wishing that more than any other thing and thinking about it so so much). i know i'm out this month as OH was on a business trip in the right days, but it's ok. the rainbow will come eventually!


----------



## Starry Night

I've often had dreams of my bfps just before conceiving them so hopefully this was a sign yours is coming soon.


----------



## rayraykay

Hi everyone-

Sorry I have been so quiet. I haven't meant to be away for so long. 

Cary- I hope not teaching summer school will permit you and DH to have a good relaxing summer. You deserve it. That rainbow will come. I know you're sick of hearing that I am sure... but I have faith. You are so strong. 

Skye- Ahhh pregnancy dreams can be so wonderful but so painful at the same time when you want it so badly. However, I like to believe sometimes dreams are telling. Like Starry- I often had dreams of pregnancy before I got my BFP. It happened with my angel pregnancy and Sloane's pregnancy. I think you are close to that rainbow even if it's not this month. You are also so strong. You and Cary are going to make amazing mothers.

Red- SO CLOSE!!!!!! April is such a nice month, a great month for a birthday! What a beautiful room you have prepared.

Starry- I loved it when Sloane was so active in my belly. It was so reassuring. Glad to hear you are getting things ready for her... I think that part is so fun. You are getting so close to meeting your little girl too! MAN time flies!!!

Left- How is motherhood treating you?!

AFM- Taking Sloane swimming for the first time today at a children's pool called Children of the Sea. She LOVES bath time so I am thinking she is gonna love it. We transitioned her to her crib where she sleeps thru the night... its so lovely but at the time same I miss having her next to me in her bassinet! She was 16 weeks on Tuesday... I cannot believe it. SLOW DOWN TIME!!!

Love to you all. SO much love.


----------



## skyesmom

Rayray! always so nice to read your posts!

16 weeks already???wow where did the time go indeed?? 

i love pregnancy dreams, especially when they feel so happy and serene like this one did :) i find that this year i am coping so much better than the last. last year i just couldn't think of anything else, especially when OH and i were going through rough times and he said he never wanted a baby in the first place and never will want one (turned out it was just his way of coping but this went on for months, for aaaages and the more he turned his back on it the more desperately i wanted it; and the more i pressed him about it the more he turned cold... vicious cycle to say the least!! so so so SO glad those times are OVER)...

now the things are way more peaceful and balanced, we found our way around the things and the entire waiting for the rainbow is now way more bearable. now i know it will come. last year, i was desperate as i felt someone had also ripped me off the hope that i will ever have a baby again, when OH was so adamant against ever trying again. 

this thing now is a piece of cake in comparison! and our communication is perfect :) phewwww!

anyway! how did Sloane's first time in the pool go??? i hope she had so much fun, like in the bath! (me myself i'm a great water fan too and seeing babies and newborns splash away is always such a joyful scene to me!)

hugs to all of you ladies!


----------



## RedWylder

oh ive been slacking in updating you guys on my progress but that could be the little baby in my arms!!!! THATS RIGHT!! Baby Piper Quinn has made her appearance unexpectedly on Sunday morning. Since then time has been flying by in a whirlwind. Here are some pics to tide you guys over until I can update more.

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo3_zps509a1cc5.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo4_zps000e5576.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/piperandmom_zpsf995b451.jpg


----------



## skyesmom

OMG Red!!!!!!!!!! congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! another rainbow!!!!! what a perfect little bundle you got there! and you look so... ah that new momma look is unexplainable by words!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 all my love and joy to both of you!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 can't wait to hear more from you!!


----------



## Carybear

red...Congrats! She is beautiful...

I've been up since 3 am... AF woke me up... 

Ladies it has been quite the journey... but I'm signing off... I just can't do this right now.. God bless you all, you and your rainbows... I guess this is just one school I can't seem to graduate from.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red OMG those pictures made me cry and now I can't even blame pregnancy hormones ! I so so happy for you :) Welcome to the world Piper :) when I saw the pics Red I had a flash back to all the pain and heartache you expressed with your second loss and to see your rainbow here safe and sound is just amazing . I truley believe Rainbow babies are he bringers xxxxxxxx can't wait to hear your birth story in the meantime enjoy every second xxxxxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Carybear said:


> red...Congrats! She is beautiful...
> 
> I've been up since 3 am... AF woke me up...
> 
> Ladies it has been quite the journey... but I'm signing off... I just can't do this right now.. God bless you all, you and your rainbows... I guess this is just one school I can't seem to graduate from.

Cary :hugs: I'm sorry to see you go , you will be missed but totally understand the need to take a step back from time to time . Hopefully you will be back to share some good news with us in the future :flower: until then take care of yourself xxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, Red. I was starting to wonder if little Piper was the reason for your silence. She is so beautiful!!!! I love how her little legs are all curled up in the last photo. So precious. Congratulations!! :happydance::happydance:

Another month or so until it's my turn! :)

Cary - I can't even begin to imagine how hard this journey has been for you. We'll miss having you around but it's totally understandable why you feel you need to go. May God grant you peace, joy and happiness whatever may happen. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

Carybear said:


> red...Congrats! She is beautiful...
> 
> I've been up since 3 am... AF woke me up...
> 
> Ladies it has been quite the journey... but I'm signing off... I just can't do this right now.. God bless you all, you and your rainbows... I guess this is just one school I can't seem to graduate from.

..Cary... so sorry you are leaving... but i understand your need for a break. sometimes it all can be just plain overwhelming. i wish you and your OH all the peace and happiness in the world. also pm if you wanna talk anytime. <3 we'll miss you girl.


----------



## rayraykay

RED! CONGRATS MAMA!!!! Holy cow she is beautiful. Enjoy every second. 

Cary- lots of love to you. I can't imagine how you are feeling and I am so sorry. We will always be here for you. :hugs:


----------



## Topanga053

Hey Ladies!!!! :hi:

I am so, so sorry I've been MIA! Things have been crazy around here!! 

Lauren is 10 weeks old tomorrow (_what_???). I went back to work when she was 8 weeks, so this is the start of my third week back to work. I miss her, but I love my job so much, so it's been nice to be back overall. Unfortunately, a massive amount of work accrued in my absence, so life has been more than a little frantic trying to catch up. 

I know I promised AGES ago to post pictures of her, so here are a couple of professional ones we had done when she was about 3 weeks old!

[URL=https://s927.photobucket.com/user/darcyamitchell/media/DarcyBrian032_zpsdc71262a.jpg.html][IMG]https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/DarcyBrian032_zpsdc71262a.jpg[/URL][/IMG]

[URL=https://s927.photobucket.com/user/darcyamitchell/media/DarcyBrian009_zpsa9a90b0a.jpg.html][IMG]https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/DarcyBrian009_zpsa9a90b0a.jpg[/URL][/IMG]

I'm so glad to see that everyone here seems to be doing well (I try to stalk when I can, so I'm stalking occassionally, but usually don't have time to post properly!). 

Ray-- Piper is BEAUTIFUL!! I am so, so glad that she's here and you apparently had a healthy delivery! It's amazing (and exhausting), isn't it??

Cary-- like the others, I'm so sorry to see you go, but I completely understand. AF is cruel. I wish you all the best in the world and really hope that one day our paths will cross again and you'll have good news to share. You so, so deserve it. You are one of the kindest, most goodhearted people I've ever met and your LO is one of the luckiest babies in the world, whenever he/she is finally ready to meet you.

Afm, as crazy as it sounds, now that I'm not pregnant anymore, I find myself feeling envious of pregnant women again. I really thought this was gone for good once I got pregnant with Lauren, but it seems like it's back. I just get this rush of jealousy whenever I see pregnant women/ultrasound photos, etc. Does anyone else still feel like this??

I hope everyone else is doing well! Miss you all!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga great to hear from you :) wow your back to work already life must be hectic !!! I'm still finding my feet being a mammy ! I'm not due back to work till August , you get 26 weeks paid leave here . I know we are very lucky but when I have to go back ill be ready . I don't think I'd make a very good full time stay at home mum I need a balance of both so I'm going back working a 4 day week . 

And I know EXACTLY how you feel about being jealous of pg women ! I'm even jealous of those trying to concieve. I ne'er thought I'd say this but I miss being pregnant ! I remember when I was pregnant others saying it after having their babies and thinking " they must be mad " but its a feeling that kinda just happens .... Lauren is just beautiful and what amazing eyes she has . I cannot believe Sean is 7 weeks old already the weeks just fly by . Here he is today .


----------



## Left wonderin

Oops forgt the photo lol
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 37 KB
Views: 4


----------



## rayraykay

Nice to hear from you Topanga! Lauren is absolutely beautiful! Love her dark hair and eyes. 

I can't believe Sean is 7 weeks! He is gorgeous by the way. So cute. Or Lauren is 10 weeks! Insanity!!!!

I have to go back to work April 22nd. I have Fridays off and get to ease back into work part time but... I am really dreading it. We will see how it goes. :( My husband says me staying home until Sloane is around a year isn't out of the question. Ideally I would like to find a true part time job. We will see. Here is a picture of Sloane I took over the weekend :flower:

How is everyone's monday going?
 



Attached Files:







IMG_9755-1.jpg
File size: 27.5 KB
Views: 7


----------



## RedWylder

Cary! I am so sorry to see you go especially since my rainbow news was more than likely a part of it. Thank you so much for all your support throughout both my pregnancy and TTC. Your a wonderful person and I wish you the best. I hope you find that you are able to relax a bit over the summer and maybe your rainbow will find you then.

My birth story is nearly written. I've taken the time to write out most everything I can remember and it's probably a good thing because it's already getting fuzzy. When I delivered Piper I was so dang relieved that it was over and thought that I would never do it again...but now the bad parts are already fading and I'm left with just my little rainbow girl that made it all worth it. I've got both photos of the birth and the story and when it's done, I'll share if you'd like.

As for all of your lovely rainbows- they are so beautiful, each and everyone of them. <3

As for the jealousy...haven't felt it yet, but I know it's coming. I missed my belly almost as soon as it was gone. I felt so beautiful and full of life (when I wasn't in pain) while pregnant.


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, such cute babies!! Topanga, good to hear from you! Glad you are happy to be back at work.

red - I'd love to read your birth story. Even though the memories start to get fuzzy there will be moments that stick with you forever. 

I was crazy doped up from the drugs with my c-section and I still remember DH approaching the bed with this little bundle in his arms saying "someone here wants to meet you". I'll never forget looking into his face for the first time. I didn't feel that instant love but I knew he was mine and that I was going to like him. He seemed neat. lol


----------



## rayraykay

ahhhh please share your story Red!! 

I have almost fully forgotten the bad parts of giving birth. Right after Sloane came I was SO HAPPY to be done being pregnant and was even thinking "hmm... maybe I don't wanna do that again and my rainbow baby is enough.." Now I can't imagine not having one more and getting to experience pregnancy again. I miss being pregnant sometimes for sure! No matter how much I love having Sloane here!


----------



## skyesmom

awwww ladies! so so good to read all your news!!

Topanga, Lauren is so sweet! and so cute with her dark hair, and you and OH looks o blessed! also, you're a trooper for going back to work already! here in EU you can get a year off to spread between both partners and i can't imagine going back to work that early if i were working in a company. luckily i'm self employed so such thing as a full on maternity leave doesn't really exist TECHNICALLY, but still, the state WILL support you for the same amount of time if needed.

Left! When did 7 weeks go???? Sean is so so beautiful (lol, turned my laptop upside down to check him out!)

...and Rayray Sloane is so so cute and she grew so big!!! and still with her full head of hair like at birth!

Can't wait to read your birth story Red and see more pics! post post post!

...and Starry now you're continuing with the cooking and i can't wait to see that rainbow appear! 

...and even if this tread eventually dies out, and i don't get my rainbow soon or well, if they decide to come after Starry's lil princess is here, i promise i'll update you when they're on the way!


----------



## Left wonderin

Eh no talk of the thread dying ! Updates till at least everyone's first birthday including yours ;) Red I'm dying to read your birth story :) and what a beautiful girl Sloane is , she will break hearts for sure . I hear ya all about missing being pg and wanting to do it all again funny how you forget just how miserable you were at stages during the process .


----------



## Topanga053

I love all of the pictures!! So nice to see Sloane and Sean!

Left, I'm with you in that I don't think I'd make a very good SAHM. I enjoyed maternity leave more than I thought I would (I really thought I was going to be tremendously bored) and there were definitely some days I cried hysterically at the thought of going back to work. The first day of daycare was awful (I bawled my eyes out leaving her), but once I got to work, I was fine. Now it just feels great to be in a permanent routine. I always feel like a bad mom when other people ask if I'm having a hard time with the separation because they did, and I say that nope, I'm happy to be back at work! I love the balance of work (the stress, the intellectual stimulation, the sense of doing something I love that's making a difference in the world, etc) with the balance of family (coming home to DH and Lauren, snuggling in together on the weekends, etc). I really do need both in my life. I think I just struggle sometimes because even if I'm a working mom, I feel that I need to be sad about it in order to be a good mom. But I'm not. I'm really, really happy to be back at work. I just feel like I hear so few working moms talking about being happy at work, so I feel like I'm betraying Lauren somehow. Lol I need to get over that! She loves daycare, I love work, and then we have great snuggles at night!

And I'm so glad I'm not the only one who misses being pregnant! I couldn't believe it when I started feeling that way!! 

Red- I can't wait to hear your birth story!!

Starry- how are things going with you??


----------



## Left wonderin

Well put Topanga , I have said long before I got pg that I would make a terrible SAHM , everyone said ah you will feel differently if you have a baby . I now have the baby and don't feel different . I know exactly how you feel about feeling you should feel bad but don't . It doesn't make us bad mums just honest ones :) I know a couple of people in work who are also honest about needing the balance . If I didn't have it I'd be a unhappy mummy and Sean would be an unhappy child . I think getting the balance is important and having priority right. Family comes first when needed to no question but I'm happy doing both. :)


----------



## Starry Night

I would be the type who would be miserable if I had to be anything but a SAHM...at least while the kiddies aren't in school yet. I am insanely jealous and want to be the one to do everything for baby and see all his (and her!) firsts. :haha::blush:

Anyways.....this sums up how I'm feeling right now: :hissy::loopy::cry:. The pain and discomfort caused by the end of pregnancy is really starting to catch up with me. Baby has been sitting low this entire time but now she's big enough that I think she's just pinching off EVERYTHING. Yesterday, I could hardly walk due to nerve pain. I know I'm whining, but I am just miserable. She has moved slightly so I can now limp to the washroom without feeling like I am about to buckle or have to hold on to the wall. I am trying to make jokes when I can to keep things light but it is tough right now. I keep thinking "I still have a month and a half of this..."


----------



## skyesmom

oh Starry!! you're a trooper like every single lady in here!! the end of pregnancy seems to be a really rough time, and some "whining" as you say is NECESSARY i find. people need to get things off their hearts at least (until the "things" grow big and strong and impatient enough to get off your cervix and come into the world!!!).. the absolute gratitude of carrying a healthy rainbow doesn't take the physical challenges away unfortunately, otherwise you all ladies could have slept through a childbirth ;)

but only 6 weeks left!! eeeek!!!

regarding working/SAHM mommies... i'm a workaholic. i was even more of it before i met OH and well allowed myself to have a proper relationship that demanded my time and devotion. working for 18-20h a day for aaaaages was normal. so i kinda tend to exaggerate, especially when i was single. when OH came into my life, it got better but still i just can't sit still. vacations bore me out.

...and that's why i am so so happy to become a mom eventually. i need to balance it out. and this is also the main reason why i wouldn't try the SAHM thing... not because i find it not fulfilling enough.. but for the sakes of my LO who would end up having an obsessive overwhelming perfectionist mom to cloud and hover over them like crazy! (and OH couldn't agree more!)

so as far as i'm concerned.. i'll defo allow myself some lazy time with my baby when they're finally here... but will go back to work at some point. being a freelancer it doesn't really mean a strict cut or a strict start. ahhh daydreaming!! come baby come!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Sky you have a lovely way with words :) and your baby is on the way of that I'm sure :)


----------



## Left wonderin

I'm sorry to ask but you don't have any details on your signature sky . When was your mc ?


----------



## Starry Night

Feeling a bit better today. Baby is more active again too which also helps my mental state. It's hard to be cheerful in the face of physical pain when you're worried about the baby.

I might try making some Easter bread before the weekend. Every recipe I find makes A TON but I think you can freeze it for awhile. I've never made it before and I'm not the most domestic SAHM so hopefully it turns out! I spoiled my last dessert attempt so we'll see. lol:blush:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry what is Easter Bread I ne'er hard of it ? I'm going to make coffee sponge cakes with fresh cream and coffee icing :)


----------



## Starry Night

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paska_(bread)

https://2.bp.blogspot.com/_GKXvEAj1d8k/Sa7nB8umisI/AAAAAAAAYWg/fEhYXGfy7qw/s1600-h/paska+and+spring.jpg

It's been a traditional Easter treat but I've never made it before. It also makes A LOT and I'm not savvy enough to cut down the ingredients at the correct ratio. I'm trying to decide if I'm willing to have months' worth of paska in my freezer. I usually only eat it at Easter.


----------



## Left wonderin

Wow never heard of it . Is it sweet or savoury ?


----------



## Starry Night

It's sweet but just how sweet depends on the recipe and the baker, I suppose. Our neighbour gave us a small loaf the other day and she put raisins in it and it was very soft and sweet. But my MiL sent us some and it was dry and just kinda blah. I do like to make a sweetened spread (butter, sugar and vanilla) to spread on the slices. It's not healthy in ANY way.

Anyways, I decided against making it. It looks fairly easy instruction-wise but it would seem it would take all day to do between dough rising and baking the various batches. And I DON'T want to have months' worth. But mainly I'm just really tired and lazy these days. I don't even have the energy to make proper meals anymore. I'm just going to do some cupcakes with a cake mix. Good enough. lol

And I'm being such a hypochondriac. I keep scaring myself that I have a blood clot in my leg which would be serious. I have this pain in my leg and DH was rubbing it the other day and felt a small lump. However, it's been sore for weeks and weeks so if it were a clot I figure I'd be dead now. My guess it's actually a sore tendon and some pinched nerves as the pain is rather mild and comes and goes. I just like to imagine the worst. :dohh:


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol near the end of my pg I had myself having symptoms of rare blood disorders , skin disorders which harm the fetus , everything including the plague lol..... The near you get to the end I think the more you worry !! Its so hard not to . Hang in their Starry nearly there ;)


----------



## Starry Night

ha ha Thanks. Still worrying and DH actually yelled at me a little. He has been looking up the symptoms for me and none really match though it does seem to be close to varicose veins. Yuck. I did feel one tiny, slightly raised vein. Boo.....


----------



## Starry Night

Hey wonderful ladies. Hope everyone is doing well. :)

Getting a little nervous as I've been having pretty bad cramps the past 2 days and now I think my belly is starting to drop. I carry low so it's hard to tell if it has dropped or if I'm just having a fat/bloat day but it does seem lower than from yesterday. I do feel a lot of pressure down low and had some "opening" feelings yesterday plus loose stools. Yikes. Baby is still technically premature so I need her to stay put a while longer. 

Of course, with all this she could still end up going 2 weeks overdue! LOL I hope not.....I am trying to remember how long it was between my belly dropping and DS being born. It was at least 2 weeks. But I can't say for sure.


----------



## skyesmom

Left wonderin said:


> I'm sorry to ask but you don't have any details on your signature sky . When was your mc ?

hey hey ladies! been out at the in-laws over the easter, a nice little break for me and the OH :)

to answer your question Left, my first angel was in may 2010 and the second one in march 2012... it is funny how the time passes and some things take so long. i though of getting a ticker in my signature or sth but then in the end i know myself, i would be obsessing over those dates every time i post so i decided not to put any until the rainbow is on its way. :dohh:

hang in there Starry!!! you are almost there! the baby is growing and so are your fears but it is all normal for this phase! you did great throughout the entire pregnancy so far, now just 5 weeks are left or so!! wow!! may is around the corner, literally!

Left, how are you and little Sean doing? 

happy Easter to all you lovely ladies and your sweet little rainbows (awww the first Easter holiday for all of them!!) :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. Feeling somewhat better today. I even think baby moved back up a bit as I can walk without feeling like my hips are going to snap. Still hurts, but not as much. I think yesterday was a bloat day because I finally went to the bathroom early this morning and the cramps mostly stopped and my belly isn't has heavy. Trying to hold on best I can.

Getting my hospital bag ready now. Bought most of the last few things I need including some "granny panties" for after baby is here. But shoot! I forgot the pads. I knew there was something else! :dohh: Add to the list. Our local Walmart does not have big selections and didn't have the bottle nipples I need so will still have to pick some up when in the city for my OB appointment. I would also like to get a hamper for baby's clothes.

skye - it is tough to avoid obsessing. You're handling your journey so well. You've come through so much. Hope you get your rainbow and chance to put up a ticker soon. :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

This is way long and took forever to write, but here is my birth story and some photos to go along with. The birth was 100% natural. I didn't even get an IV. It can be done but I only survived it due to a very supportive birth team that was my hubby and doula.

Pipers Birth 
Pre Labor:

I woke up and had a lazy Saturday morning. Ben made breakfast burritos while I took the morning to do my normal routine and check facebook. To my surprise I found that an old college friend had had her baby. She was due 5 days after me and I couldnt quite believe her little one was here. I sent her a quick message congratulating her and telling her I was jealous of her because I probably wouldnt be meeting my little girl for a few more weeks. I was fairly convinced that not only would I make my due date but I would also go over. Anyways, thats how my morning began; a nice lazy morning. Ben and I were both in good spirits and discussed plans for maternity pictures which we had decided to do later that day. During this time everything felt normal; just an ordinary day. I had some contractions but for me, this was the regular as I had Braxton hicks since about 22 weeks so nothing new here.
At around 1pm I showered, dressed, and fixed my hair. I spent time doing my makeup and pampering myself for my photos. The indoor photo shoot was set up in our house with a backdrop and lighting I had used several times before for other shoots. We had quite a bit of fun with the photos. It started awkward with Ben not having much experience in the posing world. By the end he had me dancing in front of the camera and acting like a fool which surprisingly made some nice shots. Five outfit changes we were both happy and content with our work and ready to move on to the outdoor shoot. 
Getting ready for our next adventure, we had sex. I add this part in here because it was only after this that my contractions intensified to a point where I would call them painful. But this was not unexpected as I had experienced this phenomenon many times before. So naturally we both ignored the contractions and headed out. On the way we stopped at the fire station. Here is where I realized that my contractions were indeed stronger than normal because I was in enough pain for a friend to notice and ask how things were going and I remember saying my uterus is cranky to which she replied, its got a baby in it which seemed to be enough. 
After the station, we had to go to Lt. Dans house to borrow his tripod. Ben of course knew where he lived which meant that we took several wrong turns to get there. During this time, my contractions intensified to the point that I was getting very angry at Bens driving and all the bumps in the road which seemed to make everything worse. I told Ben that I was never having sex with him again and we laughed as another contraction set in and I found myself starting to focus a bit more inward. I began to try a few of the breathing and relaxation exercises from my hypnosis training. They made a huge difference and I was able to ride out the rest of our drive by turning off my light switch every time I had a contraction. I should have known then that something was up but I was convinced my uterus was just cranky.
Forty minutes of driving later, we reached our destination: a pretty spot. I wanted photos outdoors-somewhere Alaskan. So we drove around until we found a little river and nice scenery. By this time I just didnt care the much about photos and we even discussed waiting until tomorrow to do them. However, wed made it this far and put off the photos this long already that we went ahead with our plan. 
The shoot went well enough. We had some good laughs while Ben fell in a creek and I sunk into snow up to my crotch and was forced to roll around trying to find a position that would allow me and my belly to get back up. The photos were shot with Ben looking through the camera for positioning and then him getting into the photo and remotely triggering the shutter. Again we found ourselves giggling as we posed ourselves. Look into the distance, now look into each others eyes, now kiss. We did this in several shots because I guess thats all we could come up with. 
A while later, with cold butts, soaked pants, and happy hearts we went home. My contractions continued but did not seem any different, neither more intense or regular than before. At home I timed a few contractions and found them coming fairly regularly between 2 and 5 minute intervals. I texted my doula to give her a heads up just in case while editing and posting a few maternity photos. She texted back saying that I should take a bath and relax to see if this would cause the contractions to relax as well. I had been so active all day it was likely that they were caused by this.
Into the tub I went and almost immediately the contractions calmed and I felt better. I told Ben that we were in the clear as he jokingly told his buddies (playing Titanfall) that his wife might be in labor. After the bath, however, the contractions came back and this time they did seem to become more regular and more intense. Finally around bedtime, I went to the bathroom to find a bit of light spotting. Oh this is new, I thought to myself. It had been almost 9 months since I last saw anything similar. And then the bleeding got heavier and filled the toilet bright red. All of a sudden it hit me. I was in labor. My baby was coming. Ben. I think this is it. 

Labor
A call to the midwife and the doula later, we were quickly trying to get our bags packed. From here on out things seemed to progress rapidly. I could feel the eminent change in the air propelling me forward into the unknown. I would meet my baby soon, a fact that both terrified and excited me in equal measures. However in the moment all I could do was focus on one contraction at a time. There was little room and space for much else.
So we packed our bags as best as we could with little preparation. I had assumed that I would have plenty of time to do this later so almost nothing was together. I remembered to grab a swim suit and some speakers for listening to my hypnosis tracks. I threw in a bag of toiletries and my birth gown. I had been really excited to wear this gown and it seemed the time had finally come for it.
On the way to the hospital I listened to one of my hypnosis tracks which helped me manage the pain and the contractions well enough. It was near midnight by the time we finally arrived. It was sort of surreal feeling that I was now here. This walk into the hospital was the last time the world would see me with my baby on the inside. When I think back to this moment its almost as if walking through those doors was somehow more meaningful than it was- like the very act of walking through those hospital doors was the first step I took as a mom. To be honest, the rest of the night after walking through those doors is such a blur that its no wonder that I tend to focus on that moment.
So once inside, Im checked in at the ER. I hear Ben tell the nurse that Im having contractions 2 mins apart and having some heavy bleeding. In the back of my mind I wonder what the poor strangers over hearing this are thinking and thenIm over it. Im so focused on my contractions and relaxing my way through them at this point that nothing else hardly matters. 
We are greeted and taken upstairs to Labor and Delivery. The nurses are nice enough but they keep trying to talk to me and Im annoyed because Im trying my best to block the outside world out and focus on my relaxation techniques. Prodding nurses made this difficult. Once we get into our room- 217, they have me change into a hospital gown. I asked if I should put my own dress on but since we werent for sure I was in labor yet, the nurses advised against it. So I put the gown on and go through the motions. I honestly cant remember too much about what they did but I imagine they took some vitals and checked a variety of other things. Then they checked my cervix. I was nervous because I was afraid theyd tell me I was faking it or having false labor. My cervix checked out at 3cm dilated. That was good but not definitive. They said that they would come back and check on me in a couple hours to see if I had progressed. So now began the waiting game.
Two hoursa blur. What did I do for two hours? I hardly know. I know that as soon as the nurses quit bugging me I settled into my hypnosis tracks again but this time it was more challenging to get relaxed. However, I managed to do so for a bit until all of a sudden one contraction hit me out of nowhere. Suddenly I was up throwing my earphones and phone and hypnosis tracks away saying something like screw this! Im not sure where I was from a cervix standpoint but in my mind I had reached a transition point where thing were suddenly much more intense. No longer could I just lie still and focus on relaxing; I was now at a point where new tactics needed to be tried.
Kassandra, the doula, suggested that I try using the ball or maybe I asked for it. I also changed into my birth gown because there was little doubt any anyones mind at this point that it was the real thing. I labored there beside the bed on the ball with my head in my hands and the world tuned out as best as I could. The pain was intense especially in my hips and back- back labor, they call it. Due to the baby pushing against the nerves/spine it can make for an extremely painful labor. With the contractions escalating in severity, I asked Ben and Kassandra to help out by doing counter pressure. Pushing on my hips in a way that helped relieve the back pressure took the edge off the pain. And so begun our routine. As each contraction came, either Ben or Kassandra was right there helping me through it. 
The nurses were in and out the whole night. I was only aware of them if they were addressing me directly. One of them came in and while completely supportive of my natural birth preferences, suggested a pain management technique that involved having water injected into my skin. Somehow this helps take the edge off. Im still not sure why I didnt get this done right then and there because I was pretty sure I said that I wanted it. Somehow it was decided to go ahead and wait a bit to see how I was progressing first.
Two hours from my original cervical check, it was time for the second to determine if I was indeed in labor although no one really thought otherwise. They wanted me to lie down. I thought they were crazy. Lying down was the opposite of what my body was screaming at me to do. They told me they would do it as quick as possible in between contractions and so we waited until the very end of one and then as quickly as possible, I lied down, and they did the exam. I was afraid they would tell me I had not progressed much but the result was just the opposite. In the short time since I had arrived at the hospital I had gone from 3cm to 7cm. As if I needed any more confirmation- baby girl was on her way.
Seeing that I had established a good pattern and my labor was on a roll, I could now get in the tub. The hospital had one giant tub for all the laboring women to share. Lucky for me, hardly anyone ever chooses to use it (a silly thing if you ask me) so it was empty and ready for my use. So I moved to the tub room which would be mine as long as I wanted it. I could get in and out of the tub and many times as I wanted and the room would be mine until I gave it up. 
The water was warm and soothing and I could move freely. Ben and Kassandra continued to take turns doing counter pressure. By this time the contractions had reached the point where that pressure was the only thing that got me through each contraction and each time I felt one coming on, I frantically called for one of them to help me. I was exhausted, sleep deprived and miserable. I had never felt anything quite like this. Why did I decide to do this without drugs? I remember asking or maybe just thinking. I was so tired that in between contractions Id dose off. A couple of times I nearly fell face first into the water only to be awoken by a sudden onslaught of pelvic pain and pressure. I wanted to cry and scream and be done. 
Time lost all meaning but at the same time meant everything. I glanced at the clock occasionally but the numbers didnt mean much to me. Time had passed but I was unsure of how much. Each time I looked at the clock I realized that I had no idea how much longer this was going to last. I felt like giving up. I wanted to quit. But I didnt. Quitting has never been in me. 
Ben offered me ice cubes. I think this was the one thing I remember because it was the one time I remember smiling once I reached transition. Ice cube? hed ask. Id nod yes. Ice cube? hed ask again as he shoved another spoonful in my mouth even as I shook my head no. He seemed to be amused with his ice cube duties and his lack of concern for what I wanted gave us a momentary respite. We both giggled as more ice cubes were shoveled into my mouth.
Sometime later, I was sick of the bath and decided to get out and move to the bed and ball again. I began to count through each contraction. The numbers meant nothing but they gave me something to do and to focus on each time I felt the pain intensifying. Here at that bed, on the ball I began to have my first pushy feelings. They were not intense at this point but I could feel the baby wanting to move lower and my body instinctually responded. My midwife came in and checked on me. I thought she would do another cervical check but she was pretty laid back and told me if I felt like pushing, go ahead. If there was any pain or discomfort I was instructed to stop but as long as it felt good and right that I could listen to my body.
Ben, Kassandra, and I were sort of like a team. I never felt alone. I couldnt have done it alone. The pain was so great that only that continuous counter pressure made it possible to get through contraction after contraction. Us three got into a rhythm of sorts. I would sit on the ball acting and being miserable, head in hands and one of them was constantly at my back ready at a moments notice to give me the relief I needed. 
After I sat in the tub room for a while, it became clear that I was done with the tub thing and my little team moved back into the original room that was being prepared for birth. A table of medical instruments was wheeled in. I glanced at it but never gave it a second thought. I moved from the ball to the bed which was transformed into something with two levels. One level I could kneel or squat on and the other level I could rest my torso on. For a short time I was on my knees but when things were getting closer I moved into a squatting position, bracing my hands on the upper level while squatting on the lower level.
I began to feel more and more pushy as I squatted there in the worlds worst labor position. I was leaning back with all my weight on my hands. The squat bar was in front of me but I felt frozen in that position. Moving was just out of the question. Finally the midwife did her last and final cervical check. Ten centimeters. I had made it. 
The last 30 minutes of labor are some of the most incredible and horrible moments of my life. Ben played my pushing baby out hypnosis track for the whole room to hear. (Later I found out he had everyone giggling as he made fun of it) It helped a bit and gave me something to focus on. As I began to push Piper out, I felt like my body was breaking. I literally felt that each push was tearing me apart. I screamed. I cursed. I asked if I was almost there only to be told that they couldnt even see the head yet. I wanted to cry but no tears came. I couldnt do this. It was impossible. And yet, each contraction brought her a little further into my pelvis and a little closer to being born. 
Finally the moment of truth and the ring of fire. It burned. Babys head was stretching my body. Dont fight against her head said some nurse. It was good advice but difficult to follow. It felt unnatural. Surely she was nearly out because there is no possible way I could stretch any further. I see hair! said someone- I think my midwife. I was close but the head was only just now visible which meant I still had a ways to go. What felt like hours later but was likely only minutes, I pushed harder and with more determination than before. I was exhausted and just wanted her out. I stopped caring how much it hurt or what it tore because anything was better than having her stuck right there in my pelvis. I pushed and could feel the final bit of her head come through and then I pushed some more because dammit I didnt want to do this any longer and all of a sudden she was here. 
Piper fell on the bed in her glorious and somewhat explosive birth. No one had expected her head and body to come out in one push. But almost as soon as she was out, she was being lifted to my chest where I grasped her firmly and sobbed in relief. It was done. My baby was here. And then she let out her first cry and I was realized that I was a mom.
I lay on the bed now while I was stitched up (only a few superficial tears), shaking from the exertion. I could finally relax. It still amazes me how immediate the relief came. The intense back labor was over. The contractions were all but gone and my babymy baby was in my arms. I lay there, staring at her tiny body parts. How did this happen? It felt so incredibly surreal to have her in my arms and know that this little person had been growing in my belly for the last 9 months. I loved her immediately and when I looked at Ben, I could tell he did too. There was something else there as well. I could tell he was proud of us, our little family. We had done well.

"Ice Cube?" https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2322_zps9c6d51fb.jpg

"Counter pressure"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2331_zps06bfb28b.jpg

"Tired"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2341_zps30f411fd.jpg

"Almost there"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2346_zps334152ad.jpg


"Pushing"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2349_zpsc8d67490.jpg

"She's here"
https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Pipers%20Birth/IMG_2354_zps769c9d40.jpg


----------



## Left wonderin

Wow red that is so well written . I felt I could actually have been there !! Well I cried when she arrived ;) love the photos too . Thank you so much for sharing it with us . Hope all is well with you xx


----------



## Starry Night

Red - you are the most posh birthing mamma I've ever seen. I know you weren't aware of your surroundings but you look so polished and together in each photo (though I'm assuming you aren't sharing the photos where you don't, ha ha).

Anyways, that was very well-written and, like Left, felt like I was there beside you. I even find it inspiring as I'm still afraid of my potential VBAC but your story makes me want to be brave.

Thanks for sharing. :flower: Hope you're enjoying getting to know little Piper more and more.:hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Starry- actuallly most of the photos I'm in the exact same position. I spent almost the entire labor hunched over like that. It may look like I'm calm and in control but I didn't feel that way. I'm actually shocked looking at the pics because I seriously thought I was dying. I guess I can attribute my composure to my hypnosis training. It was all about relaxing through every contraction because tensing up and fighting them prolongs your labor. As for my appearance- keep in mind I had a photo shoot that whole day so my hair was fixed, makeup was on...normally I look like a train wreck. Hahaha

Anyways- thank you so much for the positive feedback. It's humbling... all of labor and birth is. You realize what you're capable of and I believe every woman is capable of a natural birth if they believe in themself.

Did I ever post maternity photos? If not, here are 3 from the day. The outdoor shoot I was having fairly intense contractions throughout. 

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/LauraMaternity-034-Edit_zps07559502.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/LauraMaternity-112-Edit_zps1a048a9f.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/LauraMaternity-186-Edit_zps9f594edf.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

Beautiful photos! It's funny how a couple of hours can change things. The last one reminds me of a photo of my SiL during her last pregnancy. She went into labour while tobogganing and she shared a photo of her that was taken about 5 minutes before she left to go to the hospital. She was just standing there in the snow holding a sled.

And I believe you felt like you were dying during labour. That's certainly how I felt! ha ha I just am sure that I actually looked like a terminal patient. I don't know though because no way would I allow photos. lol I remember my mom telling me that the worst part of labour was wishing she could die but knowing she wasn't going to. I went through those thoughts as well.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red those photos are lovely :) love the first one . Reading your story as cracked as it sounds makes me sad I didn't get to push in the end , although I did get to experience the pain lol..... But the pushing nope .... Maybe next time lol


----------



## RedWylder

Gosh pushing was somewhat traumatizing. I remember feeling really sick thinking about it after. The feeling of being spread a part like that is indescribable. It is a very good thing that memories fade over time because now when I look back I don't feel too bad about it but immediately after...different story.


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> I believe every woman is capable of a natural birth if they believe in themself.

Haha Red, I admire you for having a natural birth. I agree with this statement that every woman is probably capable of it, but it's not anything I would want to do! I'm all about that magical epidural! :haha:



Left wonderin said:


> Red those photos are lovely :) love the first one . Reading your story as cracked as it sounds makes me sad I didn't get to push in the end , although I did get to experience the pain lol..... But the pushing nope .... Maybe next time lol

Sorry Left! :nope: I don't know what that's like to wish you had gotten to push, but really, it's not all that great. It wasn't _too_ painful for me because of my epidural, but it was still really uncomfortable and I had awful tearing/bleeding afterwards. I wouldn't waste too much time wanting it! :winkwink: But yes, maybe next time!

Afm, DH and I have started to wonder whether we want another one down the road. We're still very much back and forth. I guess time will tell! It's not easy when I _still_ get jealous of pregnant women or women w/multiples or women with more than kid. I mean really, WTF?? It's soooooooooo illogical!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga053 said:


> RedWylder said:
> 
> 
> I believe every woman is capable of a natural birth if they believe in themself.
> 
> Haha Red, I admire you for having a natural birth. I agree with this statement that every woman is probably capable of it, but it's not anything I would want to do! I'm all about that magical epidural! :haha:
> 
> 
> 
> Left wonderin said:
> 
> 
> Red those photos are lovely :) love the first one . Reading your story as cracked as it sounds makes me sad I didn't get to push in the end , although I did get to experience the pain lol..... But the pushing nope .... Maybe next time lolClick to expand...
> 
> Sorry Left! :nope: I don't know what that's like to wish you had gotten to push, but really, it's not all that great. It wasn't _too_ painful for me because of my epidural, but it was still really uncomfortable and I had awful tearing/bleeding afterwards. I wouldn't waste too much time wanting it! :winkwink: But yes, maybe next time!
> 
> Afm, DH and I have started to wonder whether we want another one down the road. We're still very much back and forth. I guess time will tell! It's not easy when I _still_ get jealous of pregnant women or women w/multiples or women with more than kid. I mean really, WTF?? It's soooooooooo illogical!!Click to expand...

Don't think logic comes into it as I feel exactly the same !! Was out yesterday with my sister who has 4 from 12-1 and was holding Rebecca's hand who is 1 and carrying Sean in his car seat . I was thinking mmmmm this is manageable lol ........... I KNOW I want another now to convience OH ! I'd go again tommrow lol:haha:


----------



## Starry Night

Oh, I am definitely asking for an epi with this baby and I am hoping it doesn't fail like last time. I didn't get to push either but those transitional contractions really, REALLY hurt and I felt so ripped off because everyone told me that you couldn't feel a thing with epis besides "some pressure". Besides, if I end up with another emergency section I want to be awake for that this time and I need an epi that works. My OB is pushing for a VBAC but our hospital has a VBAC rate under 40% and I"ll be at the mercy of whatever OB is on call. So I'm not setting my heart on VBAC just in case. Besides, I'm scared of pushing! ha ha I was just starting to feel the beginnings of the "ring of fire" when I was told to stop and the section was going under way. Yikes. The nurse assured me that I had felt nothing yet when I told her about it later.

Anyways, saw the OB today. Shortest visit ever! It was over in about 2 minutes. And I still have to wait 2 weeks for the next one. I'll be full term by then! Well, just about. A few days shy. Will be getting my Strep B (or whatever it is) test. And according to OB my baby hasn't dropped but then why does it feel like I"m pinching her head between my legs? Oh well.

And while in the waiting room DS was running around like the monkey he was (DH was following him) when he slid on the slippery tile and hit his face. He was crying, of course, and when DH brought him over I saw his mouth was full of blood. :( We tried wiping it away but every wipe of his blanket spread the blood around his face. I felt sure he had split his lip so made DH take him to the hospital while I waited for my appointment. So stressful! The hospital was around the corner so I walked over after my appointment and they were JUST being registered (an hour after they left the OB's office) and then some guy in the waiting area sitting beside us starting harfing his guts out. So gross! But by this time the bleeding had slowed and eventually stopped and we could see the lip wasn't split. He had simply bitten it so after making sure it had really stopped we told the nurses we were leaving. The wait time was nearly 6 hours and DS was already getting edgy and ready to tear the place apart....he couldn't have been all that hurt. I'm glad we did. The blood has totally gone and now he keeps sucking on the little flap of torn skin and he's his usual happy self.

It's just been a crazy day.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh poor little man :( hope he is ok although it probably upset Mammy more than himself ! Not a nice experience though for either of you . The visits near the end are a let down lol .. I always went in " expecting " something ... Not sure what but something ! Always came away after 2 mins of being told all is well wanting " something " more lol ........ Its so great you have gotten your boring pregnancy at last Starry , now to hope for a boring birth !! Xxx 

Oh and ladies you have all now TOTALLY got me over my feeling of sadness re pushing !! Next time please god ill happily agree to a planned c section ;)


----------



## skyesmom

awwww Red!! this is such a poetical and so well written birth story! i almost felt i've spent that day with you two! i got all antsy after reading "Ben, i think this is it." and of course autoplayed a mind-movie of me saying sth along those lines to my OH!
Thank you so so so much for sharing this amazing (and scary and breathtaking) experience with us!

you're a trooper Red! i'm a bit scared of the hospitals so i think i'd either go for a home birth or a birthing centre (depending on how much OH is upset about assisting the home birth), and no pain relief... i die at the thought of having a needle pun it my spine so i'll rather take everything you wrote about, even if it feels like dying or wanting to die!! (no judgement towards anyone who wants an epidural!! we all have our ways! i am just so so dreaded of it that i can't take it into consideration!)

and another thing is, my general discomfort around hospitals worsened after the emergency d&c i had when i lost my second angel, i hated the general anesthesia and waking up out of it, and in this occasion we also discovered that quite some of the pain medications and also some of the general anesthetics don't work with me. 

anyway, it is so so good to read honest and sincere stories, no matter on which side they are from "i felt nothing, pushing was a relief" to "pushing felt like my body ripping apart", and thank you so much again for sharing this with us Red!

and your pictures look amazing, both from the birth and the last maternity ones. you really look so calm and in control and beautiful (and your birthing gown is amazing, let me say it!).. my fave from the maternity pic is the second one :) you look so so beautiful and your skin is perfect and wow... great!!! and great that Piper waited long enough for you to get those pics done!!!! 
she did her last in-belly posing :) the little cheeky princess!

oh girls!! Starry i can't wait to read your story here!! so so glad the appointment went so easily and that you got your boring, uneventful pregnancy you so much deserved! 

OH and i had a super sweet easter and still all cuddly and snuggly from that! 
he's just the greatest! <3 ah i feel in love like if we were teenagers <3


----------



## Starry Night

I'm glad you had such a good Easter with your OH. There are times I feel like my dh and I have a "romance for the ages". It's nice to share such a special bond with someone. And it makes the stresses of TTC and going through losses a bit easier.

DS is much better today and I can see the cut on his lip is trying to scab over. All the healing is going to have to come while he sleeps because he keeps chewing on it. Right now he has figured out how to open the back door and is constantly opening and closing it and is yelling out at the backyard. Don't know who or what he is yelling at. Maybe the cat. Thankfully it's a small town and the neighbours behind us are a good 200 feet or more away. And they know us and DS. ha ha


----------



## skyesmom

haha lol your DS sounds like lots of fun Starry!!


----------



## Starry Night

He is. :) He earned the nickname "monkey". When he was a baby we called him our Cuddle Bug but that name does not fit at all.


----------



## shoelaces17

Oh my goodness I am so happy for you Red thinking back to last year and both of us not having any babies and still dealing with our losses and now look at you and your beautiful daughter. I am so happy for you and so happy that you had such a wonderful birth. 

I am so jealous on how lovely you looked during your photo's!! At 37 weeks right before I delivered I looked horrible, hopefully I can blame it on the pre-eclampsia right?!?!? lol


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone :) how is everyone doing ? Any current photos of babies or bumps ???


----------



## skyesmom

awww no massive surprises from myself here, but... i am really enjoying this holiday today and taking some rest from a really really busy week! 

...and OH surprised me with a poshy dinner out tonight! :) he's so so sweet!


----------



## Starry Night

No real updates. I'm officially 9 months today but that's about it. Not sure I want to take any more bump photos. I've gained way too much weight and it's definitely not all bump. And my allergies have really flared up this year after being dormant since a child. Can't even open the windows to enjoy the fresh spring air because I get so sick. Blah.

And I think baby is settling in for the long haul. 42 weeks here I come. lol


----------



## RedWylder

Things are going well here. Piper is 3.5 weeks old. Time flies. I'm trying to survive the last week of school and final exams. Pretty sure I failed one yesterday. I've had a solid A in the course all semester but studying with baby and my mom visiting just didn't work out for us.

Starry don't give up hope. The morning I went into labor I was convinced I was going to 42 weeks. Things can change quickly, lol. You're a week and a half out from when I had my baby so who knows, maybe we'll be meeting your little girl soon. :)


----------



## Starry Night

I have been losing little bits of plug here and there but I've also heard you can do that for weeks on end. I would love to have her early. DH is convinced she will be and so is MiL. If she takes after DH's side of the family then she will. Not only do their babies come early but extreme punctuality is the clan's family trait. My family is a bunch of last minute Charlies. My latest niece was born at 42 weeks and she had to be induced. We were born to be late (literally!). ha ha

I started to go into labour on my exact due date with DS but he was a dawdler and didn't come until 4 days later. He's still like that. So we'll see. ;)


----------



## skyesmom

....ok, so AF is officially late again, i did get some brown spotting a day before and the day it was due, still nothing so far but i've tested one day after it was due and it's bfn. 

i was wondering if to post here or not - the thing is, i "know" i'm out and definitely do not feel pregnant and i haven't had any symptoms, so... i wasn't surprised of the result and i didn't wanna raise hopes and panic here! 

but... on the other hand... every time i do get to the POAS stage i feel that at least something is going on, regardless of the result :) so i thought in the end, if someone can understand, it's you ladies here!
i also gave up on waiting (but haven't given up on a baby)... it's a miracle and have no idea how it happened but it did and is making the whole life and the entire NTNP business much much easier. phewwww.

lots of love and hugs to all of you ladies, and thank you for your amazing support! i hope it is all going great with you... and am very antsy to meey Starry's little rainbow!! :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Sky your not "out" just yet not till the ol cow AF arrives :) maybe she has decided to take a 9 month holiday !! Are you temp taking using FF or charting ?


----------



## skyesmom

no charting as it was driving me nuts, we decided to NTNP this time around as back in 2012 the ttc obsession almost got us broken up. way too much stress on both sides.

af actually arrived today afternoon or i thought it did, just checked the tampon (sorry, tmi!!) and well it's not even a 1/4 of what i'd usually have on the first day (in twice as many hours on top of all!!!). it's red though, no doubts on that and still no symptoms so let's see tomorrow. maybe it's just a whacky cycle because i was sick the last month.

POASed on a frer again and again a BFN. (even though i said no poas addiction this time!!! but i waited out until it af was already late for the first test so this one doesn't count!)

9 months vacation of the witch would give me a nice january snowflake though!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I hate when AF does kooky things. Throws the whole system off. I've had AF come late when I caught the swine flu just days before it was due. However, I have heard of some girls getting late bfps complete with AF-like spotting. You seem rather zen about everything so it's a good attitude to have. And even the most 'zen' amongst us get crazy when it's time to POAS. lol

afm - I'm officially full term tomorrow and I'm so "over" this pregnancy thing. I've been pregnant on and off (mostly "on") since September 2012 so I'm feeling like "just give me that baby already!". ha ha I joke, but I'm starting to feel quite depressed on a regular basis. 

I think the worst is the physical pain. And, for the first time in YEARS, I am suffering from seasonal allergies. I outgrew them in my preteens but in years where the allergens are really bad I will get the occasional reaction. Well, this year is supposed to be REALLY bad for allergens and now with my pregnancy screwing up my immune system I am just out and out sick. The worst part is my allergies are presenting more as asthmatic...and I don't have asthma. When the windows are open I struggle to breath. It feels like something is sitting on m chest and I can feel my throat close up. I had been so scared of blood clots or my bp, etc, but then I realized that I only felt that way outside or by an open window and that my eyes would puff up and feel gritty at the same time. As soon as I went and closed the windows I felt better. I'm hoping once the baby is born that the symptoms go away. To get such a severe allergic reaction when I live out in the country is not exactly ideal. I would love to go outside and go for long walks to kickstart labour but I can't breathe outside so it's not happening. I miss outside and the fresh air. :(


----------



## RedWylder

Skye you can totally use this thread. It's great to keep up with you and I want to know when you finally get your bfp. :)

Starry I can't wait to meet your little girlie! I can't believe mine is already a month old. She's growing like crazy.


----------



## Starry Night

A month already?? You're not serious!! Wow, time really does fly!

Now I just need to kick DH in the butt and get him to install that car seat. I had wanted it done weeks ago already. I would do it myself but I'm so stupid when it comes to car seats. I still screw up the buckles whenever I try to load DS. DH has shown me over and over and over. Still can't do it. Makes me so angry! LOL


----------



## skyesmom

congrats on the full term Starry!! omg the time has really flown! i hope the rest of your pregnancy passes smoothly and that you get some relief from your allergies somehow. it sucks when you can't enjoy spring, but think soon you'll have your amazing rainbow daughter in your arms and hopefully your immune system will straighten up after the birth so you'll be able to enjoy late spring/early summer walks with TWO babies!!! i can't wait for her to arrive!

btw, car seats are traps for parents. our parents were so so lucky not to need them with us.

and Red, already a month??? wow. still feels like yesterday. 

this AF is acting up still, i can't really tell it has started, still haven't gotten a real proper bleeding, just lots of spotting (dark red and brown), but a lot of it. i ended up using small daily pads as it is still not enough for a tampon. sorry tmi, it's just so confusing. it could just be it is taking it's time to arrive as i was sick the past month and OH and i traveled over easter and may 1st holidays so... oh well.

i'll keep you updated girls! thank you so much for your support!


----------



## skyesmom

ok, AF seems to be gone. after a day without ever starting properly. is it late to have implantation bleeding from 11-16 dpo?
the thing is - i don't feel pregnant at all. no trace of symptoms. the previous two times i had symptoms from 4dpo and on, had already tested positive and i KNEW i was pregnant from the very start. 
this is not the first time my cycles are messed up after the second mc (although it's been over a year since the last time it acted up like this), so nothing new here but still. 

if i were to test positive i'd be shocked. not so much for the rainbow on the way, as much as for not being absolutely aware of anything going on in my body (and i'm quite in tune with it).


----------



## Starry Night

I don't have much experience with implantation bleeding. I got a small speck a few days before my first-ever bfp but all the spotting in my other pregnancies were from clots in the womb or the beginning of a m/c. 

Your illness and travels (change to routine) sound like plausible explanations for a wonky cycle. Maybe take another test at the end of the week just to put all wondering to rest. If it's still negative then it probably is an off cycle. My only concern would be a possible etopic but you said you've had this happen before so I wouldn't worry too much. You'd probably be getting positives already whether the pregnancy was viable or not.


----------



## skyesmom

thanks Starry :hugs:

it's a wonky cycle for sure but you're right, i'll do a test by the end of the week just to make sure (let's see if i manage to hold my urge from POAS lol). i don't think it's an ectopic as i have no pregnancy symptoms at all, ectopic ones included. my cycle got this low and wonky before, when i was overworked, stressed and also sick. when i look at the last month, well stress levels are lower than back then, but overworking, traveling and also not eating so well and being sick, it is all there.

oh well. i'll update you girls anyway!


----------



## RedWylder

In my experience, it's usually not implantation bleeding. I think it's a myth we women make up to give ourselves hope. I'm sure it certainly can happen but most of the time it's your period on the way (that bitch!). It sure would be great if it wasn't though. I agree with Starry. Test at the end of the week. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Red its definetly not a myth !! I had it on both pregnancies . Not to give false hope Skye but on my pregnancy with Sean I started at 10 DPO and thought it was AF on the way . It was alot more than spotting but brown . Then 11dpo had some red spotting and thought def AF , went out bought tampons ect and even put one in !! Next morning when changing it was only brown blood and small amount ... Spotting continued for another 2 days. Tested and BFP ! I didn't believe either until I experienced it twice


----------



## rayraykay

skye theres totally hope! I never had implantation bleeding but my cousin and sister in law both did! Enough for them to think like Left that it was AF. I hope it means rainbow for you!!

Hi ladies- so sorry for my absence. I have been thinking of you all. 

Congrats on full term Starry! 

Red, Left, Topanga, Anchor...I hope motherhood is treating you well!


----------



## skyesmom

:) thanks for your support ladies, you are amazing!

i don't think i'm pregnant this time around, i just don't feel there's a baby inside of me. but it's actually fine like this. i had a viral infection that kept me in bed for almost a week this cycle and i started panicking that if i DID get pregnant on this cycle, the virus might have damaged the baby and so on and so on. :dohh: and honestly, this would really worry me insane.

i know a rainbow is a rainbow, but if i could conceive them in the month when i'm really physically fit rather than in one where i'm burning with fever and eye infection and so on, i'd be way more relaxed and optimistic! 

Still no AF, i lost literally two drops of blood yesterday and two today, but i think it will come eventually. if it ain't here by sunday i'll test again! and update!

..by the way, this is my post nr.1000 on bnb in a bit over a year. awwww. i am so happy this honor goes to this thread. my absolute favorite group of ladies here!

a big big hug to all of you and thanks for being there for me! :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

It's a little late but happy mother's day to all mommies here including those with angel babies. <3 <3 <3


----------



## skyesmom

awww Red!!! that is so so sweet of you! last year i was coping so bad on mother's day, this year i almost forgot!

by the way, i'm not pregnant, AF started yesterday and properly finally! i'm actually relieved because the worrying of potentially getting pregnant while sick was driving me nuts!! and also happy that it is not an anovulatory cycle, i think i just ovulated later! 

i never thought i'd be happy for NOT being pregnant on a cycle!


----------



## Starry Night

Skye - it's good that you at least know what's going on now. Hopefully, you'll stay healthy this cycle and have the optimal chances at conceiving a healthy bean. Good luck!

afm - getting closer everyday! But I feel this little lady is going to keep me waiting until 42 weeks. I keep getting false labour--much more than I ever got with DS--so feeling rather jumpy and frustrated that these cramps are not meaning anything. It's such a long drive to my hospital that I have to pay attention each time. My nerves are frayed! I have an appointment today and am finding out the results of my Strep B swap. Not a big deal really, but it's another piece of the puzzle.


----------



## skyesmom

oh Starry! you must be really all pins and needles now! the last days seem so unnerving and exciting at the same time! i really hope she doesn't make you wait all that long!

can't wait to see you announce your rainbow!


----------



## Starry Night

I know I've mentioned it before, but months back I had a dream where I had the baby on the 21st. Well, last night my mom told me that my grandma likes to say baby will arrive 10 days after false labour. I went into real labour 10 days after having false labour with DS (though he was born 4 days later) and on Saturday I had false labour with this one. Saturday was the 11th. 10 days later would be....the 21st! :haha: I love my grandma's kooky theories!

Anyways, on a more 'serious' note: my full-term bump!

Edit: Dang it! Didn't work. Have tried multiple times and it won't load. Oh well. Just imagine me looking huge.


----------



## Starry Night

OK....this should work
 



Attached Files:







fullterm.png
File size: 232.6 KB
Views: 5


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry you look wonderful :) I'm so excited to meet this little lady :)


----------



## skyesmom

Starry that's the sweetest bump ever! it is so so close.. and what a strange coincidence with the dates, the dream and your grandma's theory!

i'm even more curious to see if you are right!! one week left aaaa!!


----------



## Starry Night

ha ha! I never know what to make of the whole "dream thing" but I have had many dreams come true in eerie ways. Like, the week I conceived my last angel I had two dreams of my rainbow--a girl named Hannah. But in the second dream I had had two dead babies before getting her. And well, here I am 2 weeks from my due date with two m/c's in between DS and this baby....and it's a girl! Also, it is this grandma's side of the family that sort of has a history with dreams. My great-great grandfather had taught my great-grandmother to pay attention to dreams and it was sort of passed down.

I'm definitely taking it with a grain of salt though. I have had dreams come true in eerie ways but most of the time they're just dreams. And if this one comes true the dream also included a c-section. I'm not against sections in general but since I'm planning a VBAC a section would mean it's an emergency one and that something would be going wrong. I don't want that.


----------



## rayraykay

Skye- I am glad AF came and you have an answer. (Only glad because YOU are glad and it means a reboot in your system. New cycle! I can't wait until she stays away and it means your rainbow is coming.) 

Starry- You look fantastic! I love your bump! Amazing!

How are the babies doing? Topanga? Left? Red? Anchor? 

Always stalking ladies, always stalking. xoxoxoxo :hugs:


----------



## rayraykay

PS Starry I think dreams can be incredibly powerful. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say your rainbow will come on the 21st.... or a day before or after. 

I am so excited for you!


----------



## Starry Night

I would love for my precious Hannah to come on the 21st. I'm so sick of waiting and the physical pain is getting harder to bear each day. Also, my next OB appointment is on the 21st so I'll be in the city anyways. And DS will be staying with relatives nearby too. So convenient. Getting to the hospital in time is my biggest, biggest worry. I just have to make sure to have all of our bags in the car. I want to get them in the car soon anyways because wherever we go we will be far from home and won't be able to get back to pick up our bags should labour come quick and hard. The joys of rural life. :wacko:

rayray - hope you are doing well. How's baby? Still growing like a weed, I bet! My niece was born a few weeks after your lady was born and she is such a chunker. She's already holding up her head and trying to stand (not on her own, obviously).


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone . We are all good here , I'm on holiday / sporting event in Italy at the moment . Having a ball . Sean is being so so good :) he is three months this Saturday and I can't quite believe it ! Here he is supporting his dad who is representing Ireland in the world agility competition
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 42.6 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, how cute! He looks so dashing in green. And good luck to your DH!! Enjoy your trip to Italy. I've been there once. Very beautiful country side.

Getting my nightly BH. Man, some of them really take my breath away. Baby was really quiet today too but she just finished up a kicking storm. Probably why I'm having the BH. She seems to trigger a good many of them.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I keep thinking of you .... Am so excited for you


----------



## Starry Night

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-thzRi5Hwks

My mom used to sing this song at us kids when were, well, being us. I think it applies now. :wacko::loopy::rain:

I'm one of the last ones in nearly all of the threads I'm a part of to have her baby. Getting to that point in the pregnancy where it seems like I'll be pregnant FOREVER. Baby? Babies come from pregnancy? Really? Coulda fooled me!


----------



## skyesmom

oh Starry she will come with a drum roll!!!!! so so excited myself!!


----------



## RedWylder

Piper had a check up today. She's 10lb. 6oz.... crazy! She is only 6 weeks and she's getting chunky! Hahaha. She also got her tongue tie clipped. It was so hard to watch but we were still having issues with breastfeeding so I'm hoping it was worth it and that BF will get easier for us.

Starry....anything? I'm on baby watch!


----------



## Starry Night

No baby yet! I'm an hour and a half into the 21st and am thinking my dream was a total tease! LOL I'm cramping a bit but have had so much false labour and BH the past few weeks that I don't trust anything.

It would be nice if she would come today. I'll be in the city anyways and the Prince of Wales will be visiting so it would almost be like a Royal blessing! ha ha

I would be a complete wreck having to watch my baby get a tongue-tie clipped. I'm a mess during vaccinations or the time my son needed a chest x-ray to check for pneumonia and I wasn't even the one in the room with him. DH went. I was in the waiting area trying not to sob my eyes out (didn't help I was in the middle of one of my m/c's at the time).

I hope it does the trick and makes BF'ing go more smoothly for the both of you. And yay to the awesome weight gain! It took my son 3 months to chunk up and then there was no looking back until he was finally running around.


----------



## Starry Night

Just an update: had my internal today and cervix is still high and closed. Drat!! But....my internal with DS showed the same and I had him before my next appointment. So I know things can change rapidly. Just not as rapidly as I would like.

Baby feels way too comfortable in there. Little minx. :fool:


----------



## rayraykay

SOOO EXCITED FOR YOU STARRY! The end is near! Baby Hannah will be here soon! And she already has so many rainbow friends :) I can't wait to hear your story and see her precious face! My internals never showed much of anything either... I was effaced but never really dilated. As they did with your DS.. things can switch up on a dime!

Red so happy to hear Piper is gaining weight! I am so sorry she had a tongue tie to get clipped... that must have been so hard but I am sure it will be better in the long run. I have been so taken by how fast they grow and change. It's absolutely insane to see it first hand. 

Left... Sean (the man of the group!) is SO handsome. Three months already? wow. 

AFM- Sloane was 5 months on the 17th. I can't believe it. Here is a pic of her with my mom and myself at my Grandma's 90th birthday. I went back to work part-time... but I quit. My last day is June 5th. I gave it the old college try... but she's only this young once and I can't stomach not being the one who's with her all day. I know working is right for some moms which is so so cool... and I was planning on it being right for me but it's not. :hugs: to EVERYONEEEE!
 



Attached Files:







IMG_1261.JPG
File size: 45 KB
Views: 9


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, ray, she's so super cute! I love her pinchable cheeks! I pinched my son's cheeks all the time!! Sometimes I still pinch his thigh fat but he says "Mommy, stop it!" ha ha And enjoy being a full-time mommy. It's not for everyone but I've been loving it. Glad you are able to make that happen.


----------



## rayraykay

thank you! My husband and I call her "cheeks." hahaha. You can see why! I kiss them all the time. She is so sweet.

Yeah.. It works for our family right now and I can't turn down the opportunity. 

We just booked our first flight to California to see my cousin who is more like a sister in August. She will be about 7 months and two weeks. SO nervous to fly with her for the first time but it will be worth it.


----------



## RedWylder

Ray she really is beautiful! I have many nicknames for Piper as well including "squeaky" and "teradactyl" due to the sounds she makes.

Starry- Piper is living proof that things can happen quickly. I don't think I had dilated or effaced much at all and then all of a sudden she was here.


----------



## Starry Night

I love the nickname Pterodactyl! ha ha! It really does capture that squeaky sound that newborns can make. Aw, so precious.

"Cheeks" is pretty great too. I love hearing the different nicknames. My DH called my son an "Ewok" for months. I didn't like that one at the time but it was funny now that I think about it.

I do know things can change quickly. Same happened with DS. My OB at the time told me I had ages to go and he was born the night before my next appointment. And my cervix never dropped during labour with him (the doc on call was shocked I kept dilating so rapidly in spite of the high cervix and irregular contractions) so my cervix being high right now doesn't mean anything to me.


----------



## Starry Night

This is a non-update update: Still pregnant! Argh!!! ha ha Weather has suddenly gotten hot and my feet and ankles have swollen up like balloons. Boo!! Every time I think I'm getting contractions it turns out I simply have to go to the bathroom. Baby is dropping lower though and feels partially engaged. Feels like she could fall out at any given moment and the lightning crotch is to die for. 

My next appointment is on Monday and then on Thursday I will be at my official due date.


----------



## RedWylder

I bet you dont make it to your due date! Yay! A new rainbow soon. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Red I have the same feeling :) I'm offically now on Starry labour watch ;)


----------



## skyesmom

likewise!! stalking!!


----------



## Starry Night

Hooray for optimism! I still get so scared that I'll get to 42 weeks but really, DS was only 4 days late so she SHOULD be coming soon. I keep telling her how comfortable it is outside though now I think I need to recruit her older brother to convince her it's better out here. It seems she is inheriting her mother's stubbornness. It's a dominant gene I think. My whole family is cursed with it. ha ha

Yesterday, I went to a Mother/Daughter tea at our church. So, in away, I got to bring my daughter along.


----------



## Starry Night

My last non-update update (I promise): just to warn you all that I don't have internet on my phone so probably won't be able to let you know when I go into labour as with the hospital being so far away we're going to be in a huge rush to get out the door and won't have the time to log onto the computer. I also won't be able to say anything until we're back home. Last time I was in hospital for 5 days so it could be awhile before I'm able to post anything.

I guess I will update if I go overdue or hear something interesting at my appointment tomorrow. My friends tell me that out here you get fetal assessment scans when you go overdue so I guess that could be a silver lining if I go overdue. The fetal assessment department lets you keep a printout from the scan. I don't have any printouts from this pregnancy.


----------



## Left wonderin

So starry if you disappear for a few days we will take it Hannah has made or is about to make an appearance ;) you must be so excited and impatient now !!!!! Not to worry very soon you will be holding your daughter . Oooooooooh I'm so so excited :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh and come on " sticky beanie " I know your mum told you to stay put and grow for many many months but now LO is the time you can stop being sticky , let go and come out and meet the world and your very own mummy xxxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

:) come on rainbow Hannah, you got so many antsy web aunties looking forward to meet you finally! :) :) :)


----------



## Starry Night

Cervix is still high and closed! Garh! I told DH he has a very incorrigible daughter but he just had to remind me that she's my daughter too. OB keeps assuring me it can change overnight but I'm just not feeling it right now. With DS I got loads of warning signs. This time it just may be an "out of the blue" thing. Or I just am going to go all the way to 42 weeks. Oh I hope not! They're going to have to use the jaws of life to pry her out of me. LOL


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I know all too well the pain of going over but at least there IS an end point ! In Ireland they only let you go 10 days over , do you be let go the full 14 before induction is considered where you are ?


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, it's my province's standard to allow you to go the full 14 days as long as there is no complications. My friend told me that she started getting fetal assessments once she went over. But my doctor seems especially hands-off so I don't know. My first overdue appointment is on Monday. I never made it to my overdue appointment with DS so I don't know if they'll be more vigilant or not. I'd like to think so. 

But because I went into labour on my own without being a full week over my doctor seems to think it won't be a problem. I'm just nervous because I really don't want to go through an induction--especially after a previous section. I looked up our country's guidelines for VBAC (it's officially called TOL -- "Trial of Labour") and according the guidelines they're not allowed to use pictotin or one other drug, I forget which due to increased risks of uterine rupture so that makes me feel a little better.


----------



## skyesmom

oxytocin is the other one! and so good they don't allow that, i actually remember one lady here on bnb posting an uterine rupture story due to VBAC WITH pitocin (in USA of course). i had shivers after reading that.


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, oxytocin was the other one. I'm going to confirm with my OB at my next appointment that those won't be used. I have to put my foot down on that one!

Was really antsy and nesty all night. I paced around the house a bit. I desperately wanted to do the dishes or vacuum but it was 4am and I didn't want to wake up the others. I hope this is a true pre-labour sign. With DS nesting was my last pre-labour sign but I had been getting other signs at the time too (semi-regular contractions, bloody show, etc). Not getting anything else at the moment.


----------



## Starry Night

Cross your fingers for me, ladies. I've been having steady, albeit mild to moderate, contractions for the past 3 hours. Earlier today I lost a small chunk of brown-tinged plug. The contractions are continuing through change of position and even hot shower. I even had a 'clear out'. So I think something is starting. (please, oh, please [-o&lt;). I was stuck in early labour with DS for days so not sure when it will happen but we are calling our relatives in the city to warn them they MAY be getting a call in the middle of the night as they're watching DS for us.

It would be nice if Baby Hannah came on her due date. I think I should get a prize if she does. :winkwink: There is family precedent. DH came on his due date as did my brother and my mom.

But yeah....DS took days to come after the start of things but I'm getting hopeful and excited that she'll be here by the end of the week. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Ooooooooooooooh exciting come on Hannah !!!!!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Grrr! still here! I think this is going to be my son's labour all over again. Contractions were getting stronger around midnight but not enough to keep me awake so I went to bed when they just....stopped. Seriously??? 5 hours of contractions every 5 minutes and they just....poof! But I started getting this horrible downward pressure and now I'm constantly aware of her head. The pressure kept me up most of the night. Feeling a bit crampy but nothing major at the moment. still feeling the pressure. I had called the hospital and they said as long as the pressure is on the vagina and not the rectum I should be fine.

I just hope this pre-labour/early labour stuff doesn't last overly long. Sometimes I wonder if being in early labour for 4 days is what contributed to my son's fetal distress. If he was anything like me, he would have been very tired.


----------



## RedWylder

Baby?


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey red how are things ? How is bf going ? Any photos of LO ?


----------



## Starry Night

No baby yet. Seems my son's labour of start and stop cramps for days on end is repeating itself. Lost a huge chunk of plug today though. Hopefully, the real thing will start in a day or two....if not by the end of today. (doubt it though....cramps still are refusing to build to anything and will stop suddenly)

Hope everyone else is doing well.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hannah wants to be a June baby ;) but sounds like things are moving in the right direction starry !!! I'm grand I am however feeling ridiculously broody !!!!!! Can't be normal with a 14 week old baby !! Seriously ! Lol ...


----------



## Starry Night

I was broody the first 3 months with DS too until I started getting what I thought were pregnancy signs and I got REALLY scared. I realized I wasn't ready for another baby yet. Also, I was assuming I'd have to be on bed rest again and I didn't want to miss my son's first year. Never happier to see a bfn. LOL I think that was the first time I ovulated. My first ovulation after a pregnancy always has intense symptoms.

I think we get broody right after a baby to help us forget about the nasty sides of pregnancy and ensure the future of the human race. That's my theory, at least.

afm - cramps getting REALLY strong and losing more snotty discharge but cramps are still about 10 to 30 minutes apart. If this labour follows the same pattern as my son's then she would be coming in the next 24 hours. But I doubt I will have two labours be so close to one another. But each bout of false/prelabour is getting stronger and more intense than the one before. I'm getting really tired so I'm guessing she is too.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, can't believe she's still hanging in there!!! Fingers crossed things get underway soon!!!

Left- I hear you! DH and I are both very conflicted about a second. The plan was always one and done and we were both great with that until LO was about a month. Then we started having moments of wanting a sibling for her. We've both gone back and forth a lot and change our minds every day. We finally decided that the pros/cons pretty much equal each other out and we'd probably be happy either way. So, crazy enough, I stopped my birth control last week and am just getting my period/withdrawal bleeding. We are going to NTNP for 6-12 months. Since neither one of us can make up our mind, we agreed to just let go and let God. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, that's great too. We will be perfectly content with just LO (I was an only child and loved it). If we do have another, we both want them close in age, thus the NTNP now. I was insanely happy about it last week (giggling and glowing and everything), then last night I had a dream about labor and now I'm scared! Lol. 

If we don't have a second, I'm seriously considering applying to be a surrogate for someone. I LOVED being pregnant (labor, not so much) and I love the idea of being able to give a family such a precious gift, since I know how much wanting it can hurt. DH is totally on board. 

We're both really flexible with everything at this point. I'm usually VERRRYY type A and need to know and plan the future, but for some reason right now I am happy to be super laid back about all of this. So for now, we're going to relax and NTNP and not think about it, one way or the other. Then maybe down the road I'll be a surrogate... or maybe not. Lol we're putting no pressure on ourselves to decide anything! 

Hope everyone else is doing well!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Sounds like a great plan :) I think being a suurogate is such a selfless act and a great gift . Not sure I'd be strong enough to do it though . I'm too old anyway so no worries there !! I'm a bit like ye , have not gone back on birth control but am not putting any pressure on about ttc. Ntnp it is, I've also just finished my first AF so not sure how my cycles will go from here . Am charting because I enjoy it lol ..... I continue to feel so so blessed been given the gift of motherhood , if one is gods plan so be it , ill be content but if 2 is his plan ill welcome it :) 

Starry :))))) one day closer :)


----------



## Starry Night

Baby Hannah is here! It was a long, eventual (tramautizing!) labour but she is safe and completely healthy. No NICU, no section, no extended hospital stay. I hate, hate HATE labour and even with pain relief the pushing part was torture. I just could not bear the pressure. They wanted me to feel the pressure but the epidural was not covering the level of pain. It didn't help that my cervix never dropped so after an hour and a half of pushing I had only moved my cervix from the -1 to -2 spot. She wasn't even coming out. So they gave me an hour break which had me nearly screaming in agony just trying to ignore the urge to push but I also had zero energy to push and my "pushes" at the time weren't accomplishing anythign anymore. Also, even after giving me an Adovan to help me relax I was STILL getting panic attacks after every single push.

At around midnight Hannah's heart rate was finally affected by the long wait and began to drop. So I was told they would use forceps and if I didn't get her out within 2 contractions or so they would go ahead with the section. At that pointed I was desperate for the section because I was so tired but thought if they were promising only 2 contractions I could summon every last energy reserve and last ounce of courage. 

I was brought into the operating room and I was freaking out. But at least DH could be with me this time. And then they gave me the really good pain relief. It wasn't as strong as the stuff for sections but it took away all the pain and only the good parts of the pressure so I'd know when to push. It really was only 2 or 3 pushes and suddenly she was out. At this point I had been up for 24 hours and in active labour for 19 and was on serious drugs so the moment wasn't as magical as I was hoping. My bottom felt 10 feet away from me and not quite attached. Her body sliding out felt like this weird little gloop but with flailing limbs attached. She immediately gave a little cry and DH was practically euphoric in his praise for how proud of me he was. But I was honestly just happy the pain was over. They didn't let me see her for a long while and two nurses were hovering over her for quite some time. But I couldn't even be worried. I just figured she'd be sent to NICU and I'd see her the morning. But she was OK and they placed her on my chest. I made DH help me hold her because I really did not trust myself. And the goofy man took a photo and he just laughed and laughed because Hannah looked so ridiculous and I just looked...well....pathetic. It really is an awful photo. ha ha

I had the worst roommates ever and I'm so glad I'm home now. I was in a room with 2 other ladies though one lady left the morning after I got there. She bugged me the most. Every time her baby made the slightest whimper or cry she'd go "SH! sH! SH! SH!" like a MILLIONS times until she'd finally yell "What is wrong with you?!!" The nurses kept coming in and telling her she was smothering her baby and that babies could die underneath so many layers and blankets but this lady and her mom kept insisting they were right. I was hardly shocked when the social worker showed up several hours later. They weren't taking the baby away but it was clear the situation was not ideal. Then the other lady's baby literally cried ALL DAY and ALL NIGHT. I'm not even exaggerating. The nurse eventually had to come in and take the baby out and give her a bottle (the woman was one of those "I have to only breast feed no matter what" types ) because the baby was so hungry and agitated her heart rate was crazy, crazy high. Needless to say, between those nut jobs and Hannah herself (who was a saint compared to the other babies) I got hardly any sleep.

But my overall feeling of the experience has been relief and wonderment that my TTC#2 journey is FINALLY over. She's here, she's beautiful and she's healthy. It's still too early to say if she will be an easy baby like DS or not but I think she's absolutely perfect. My parents come in 3 days and my mom will now be staying 3 weeks instead of 2 to help. And our neighbour is bringing us dinner tonight. Just as well. I have the worst case of swollen feet and legs right now. It's so much worse than while pregnant. And my blood pressure is really low. They only let me go home because they could see I was walking around just fine without any signs of dizziness, my bleeding is fine and I was eating and talking and, other than really tired, not showing any negative signs.


----------



## Left wonderin

Wow starry what a story ! Sounds like a lot of hard work on your behalf !! But the most import at thing is SHE IS HERE :) yahooooooooooooooo Hannah has arrived :) I'm thrilled to bits for you :) your hope bringer and pain healer is here :) ( that's how I see rainbow babies :) I'd say your delighted to be home your room mates did not sound great ! How is your little boy now she is here ??


----------



## Starry Night

My son really liked her when he first met her but now she's old news. ha ha Having him visit in the hospital really was terrible because he would not stop running away, up and down the hall. He did want to give her kisses and hold her and help me push her bassinet/cart up and down the hall but mostly he just wanted to run. we can't afford a double stroller right now so we're going to have to get one of those harness/leash things because even when I'm with DH we have a hard time keeping him by our side. I couldn't imagine going about just me. And now I know why my mom always took my grandma along during our errand outings when my siblings and I were kids!


----------



## RedWylder

Sorry I'm quiet. I'm exhausted. Piper has had a rough couple of days and the in laws are here so we are quite distracted in this house. Piper is doing great and gaining tons of weight. I think she may have doubled her birth weight already! I'll post picks once the in laws are gone and I have some time to myself. :)

Starry!!! Yay she's here! I can't believe that! It's just wonderful knowing that you made it through your labor vaginally. It's no joke for sure.

As for our other readers hoping for their rainbows...you're next! I can't wait to meet them.


----------



## skyesmom

Starry!!!!!! i didn't log in yesterday afternoon (i'm in europe) and look and behold - you got a baby!!! welcome Hannah!!!

and congrats on being so tough and making it through a vaginal labor!! so so glad you got the VBAC you wanted even though it was tough!! you're a trooper! and good to have your folks coming over and your mom to help out with the two until your body recovers a bit!

ahhhh the summer rainbow of this thread arrived!!! 

now don't forget to post in here now and then and update the rainbow pics! and i promise when i catch the eggo i'll update here the first! (and then maybe on the bfp announcements, but you ladies will be first to know!!)


----------



## skyesmom

...and Topanga!!! NTNP the nr. 2??? CONGRATS! I so love these stories when people spontaneously change their minds and relax about things and just go with the flow! 
who knows, maybe your 2nd rainbow comes with my 1st together :) :) that would be so so cool!

i also find surrogacy to be a selfless act, but i honestly don't think i'd be able to separate from the baby afterwards, and i really admire the women who can go through with it!

and Starry, will u post a pic of Hannah when you catch some breath?


----------



## Topanga053

Starry- CONGRATS!!!!!! I am so, so happy that Hannah is here safe and sound!! It sounds like it was an awful labor for you (eww!!), but I'm so glad it ended ok! I'm sorry your roommates were so awful (my hospital had private rooms and I'm even more grateful for that now!!! I couldn't IMAGINE sharing a room after birth!!), so thank goodness you're back home! I hope you're settling in and healing alright. I know how long after birth it can take for things to feel normal again. 

Red- so glad Piper is doing so well!!!!

Skye- that would be amazing!!! We'll have to see. We agreed to NTNP, but DH has been reluctant to er... finish, now that I'm off birth control. So we'll see how this all goes. I don't know why, but it kind of bothered me. 

Hope everyone else is doing well!!


----------



## Topanga053

And I agree Starry... pictures are a most once you feel up to it!!


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga, give him time to get use to it :) he may just be scared that Lauren is so small and needing so much care and you being pregnant at the same time might be exhausting for both of you. and maybe he fears another loss as well, somewhere deep inside of him, and fearing it may bring you down like it did the last time. he'll come around i'm sure!


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks Skye! You always know what to say! :hugs: I'm sure you're right. How's everything going on your end??

I love all of you girls so much. It's such a shame we don't live closer together. It would be so much fun to have weekly coffee dates!


----------



## skyesmom

ah weekly coffees with this group here would be such a treat! all good at this end, OH is really really spoiling me lately!

no big news over this last cycle but no wonder, we've been working like crazy! but.. i went to my GP to book a yearly GYN appointment and he was really amazing and ordered some extra blood work on top of the standard ob/gyn stuff just to make sure everything is ok one more time (since everything came back clear after our second loss, they even told me they've ran a test on the baby and that it all came back fine). 
and he literally ordered me "no stress for the first 4 months of pregnancy and keep yourself really really warm as well" :) 

it's so nice when a medical professional shows an extra step of care for you. i haven't asked for those tests, just asked him to book me in for a yearly check up as we are NTNPing after two losses and he said immediately: OK, then let's get this and this checked out, since you've also been depressed and so on. (he remembered my post-mc history). makes me feel very safe and taken care of!


----------



## Starry Night

skye - that's so lovely that your doctor is taking such good care of you.

I will try to post a photo soon. It always seems that by the time I get online it's almost time for the next feeding. Sometimes Hannah is grubby and grouses for food and other times I need to wake her up. Today is a lazy morning but she is starting to fidget.

Right now I'm combi-feeding and you can sort of imagine how that news went over when the public health nurse called today. I should be seeing her in the next day or two so I'm hoping I can better explain my views and reasons in person.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry sounds like baby Hannah is settling in :) I hope her mum is getting as much rest as she can ! 

Topanga at least your a set ahead of me my oh just doesn't seem interested any more lol... He hasn't tried it on once since baby came ! Didn't stop him when I made the advances though !! Men are funny creatures !! I'm sure it will all come good after all its a big adjustment and my poor oh was in such shock at the experience of our little man coming into the world !! Still think he is recovering ,he would want to as I'm hoping he will need to experience it one more time ;) lol ...... 

Skye its always so lovely to hear from you :) your such a lovely person :) I'd love love to meet you all for a coffee and maybe some cake lol....... I think I talk more sometimes to you guys than my real life friends !!


----------



## Topanga053

Starry- ahh that's too bad about the public health nurse. You do whatever you need to do. You shouldn't have to justify or explain your reasons to anyone! Breast feeding didn't work for LO and I at all. Nursing was too painful because she would always bite (ouch!) and I never got enough from pumping to make it worthwhile. The lactation consultants were frustrated, but thank goodness LO's doctor and my OB were really understanding. At any rate, LO has been on formula since day 1 and is doing amazing! She's double her birth weight (but still only 50% for weight... not overweight!), active, and doing just great as far as her milestones. 

Left- Your OH will come around! It's a lot to process! :haha: My DH was the complete opposite though. About 3 days after the birth he was like, "sooooooo when can we DTD again???" Just the thought of it back then made me wince in pain! 

My DH is a worrier. He was reluctant to TTC originally because he was worried that he didn't want a baby, that it would be too expensive, that he wouldn't get any alone time, it would be too much work, etc etc etc. Now he's completely obsessed with LO. I mean, COMPLETELY obsessed. So of course now when he says, "one turned out to be easy, but TWO would be too expensive, too much work, etc etc" EVERYONE just laughs at him, like, "we've heard that before!"


----------



## skyesmom

My god Topanga, when did Lauren turn 4 months old??? FOUR months!!!! this year is FLYING by!

i never thought nurses and OBs would be so invasive when it comes to breastfeeding/bottlefeeding, this is a totally new world for me. i don't know if it's the USA thing or what, but here on these forums i've seen so much things like: "you're gonna bottle feed? that's bad for the baby!" to "you're gonna breast feed? why do you need that for, your milk is not nutritious enough."... europe is much more chilled with what a woman wants to do with her own boobs. 

as if new moms needed any additional reason to arm themselves with patience!


----------



## Starry Night

I think when people hear "combi feeding' they hear "I sometimes offer the breast and most of the time just the bottle". But I give her the breast at nearly every feed and then top off with formula. And I try to give her a good moment or two after the breast to see if she's full or not. She isn't. Combi-feeding really has taken the pressure off of figuring out BFing. I know she's peeing and pooping and getting nourished and so it's almost like I'm FFing and supplementing with BF. If I exclusively BF'ed she would be the baby who would be hanging off of me all day. I know there are those who see nothing wrong with that but I have fragile nerves and I could not live like that.

In fact, I have now officially been diagnosed with post partum anxiety. Had a full blown attack the other night where we even called 911. I felt like I was caught in a vice and that everything inside of me was swollen shut. I couldn't even swallow and I could hardly talk and my skin was clammy. But it was through that panic attack they discovered I was severely anemic. The local hospital went over my notes and apparently the hospital where I delivered had noted I had been anemic during labor and that I had bled A LOT during delivery. But they had never told us *nor* did they do any checks before discharging me. 

I ended up needing two blood transfusions. :wacko: But our local hospital had misspelled my name so hours and hours later they had to redraw my blood and send the second sample to the city where they could match it to the correct donor blood. It took about 15 hours to just start the transfusion. And this morning, just as they were about to discharge me, they found out my blood pressure has now skyrocketed. They almost kept me overnight for a second night but all my other tests came back clear...no protein in the urine, good reflexes, no headaches or vision problems and heart rate good. So they figured the high BP is from stress and they finally discharged me at about 5pm. But I have to do follow ups with the doctor every week until my official Post Partum visit with my OB.

I'm still slightly anemic but the doctor thinks iron pills should be enough. Though she is kind enough to say to hold off until my post-birth constipation has cleared. I have to say that this situation is where combi-feeding paid off. DH stayed with me the first day so I could try to nurse Hannah but I was so weak that I nearly passed out after 5 minutes. So he was able to bottle feed her and then today, when he couldn't find a sitter for DS, he was able to stay home with the both of them.

My parents should be arriving any moment now (they rented a car so we wouldn't have to drive the 2 hours into the city to pick them up). Their arrival is very much needed now! Especially since DH is "letting me" do the dishes, laundry and all the picking up. Vacation time is over, I guess.:dohh:


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, I am so, so sorry you're having such a difficult time. That's so scary. I really hope that everything is better now. We're always here for you if you need us! :hugs:

Skye, I don't know if it's a US thing either, but we certainly are very serious right now about breast feeding. I know it's generally better for baby, but formula isn't bad. It's too bad they're not a little more understanding. At the same time, there's a big debate here about BF in public. (I don't know if that's a thing over there or not.) There's the "never do it" camp, the "do it, but cover up" camp, and the "whip it right out and show everything" camp. I don't mind at all when women do it in public (kids need to eat, if that's how you're feeding!), but I do find it a little uncomfortable when they make NO effort to cover up. There's nothing to be ashamed about, but I also don't need to see (or for my husband or daughter to see) a stranger's nipple, you know?? No offense to anyone who feels/does differently; that's just how I feel.

Anyway, afm, LO had her 4 month check up today. She's a big baby! 26 inches long (95%) and 16.2 pounds (83%). Poor thing had some shots and screamed her little head off, but is healthy and doing great! 

How's everyone else??


----------



## Topanga053

Oh, I realize it's been awhile since I shared a picture of Lauren. She's getting so big! And I can finally put her hair up. :haha:

[URL=https://s927.photobucket.com/user/darcyamitchell/media/10302034_808541419704_2881979365186680464_n_zps2cd74a42.jpg.html][IMG]https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/10302034_808541419704_2881979365186680464_n_zps2cd74a42.jpg[/URL][/IMG]


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh Topanga what a cutie pie !!!! She will be a heartbreaker ! And those eyes !!! 
BF here in Ireland is pushed forcefully but like that not really supported in public. Some changing rooms in shopping malls now have facility to bf ( a chair at least ) lol and I agree with you about at least making the effort to be discrete !! 

Ok here is one of Sean
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 29.7 KB
Views: 3


----------



## Left wonderin

Not sure why they ALWAYS post upside down !!


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, Lauren is so precious! Those cheeks!! And I love the teeny pigtails.

And Sean is as adorable as always.

I'm also in the "try to cover up" camp. I know not all babies take to covers and blankets, but I think it's possible to find a quiet corner or booth in a restaurant, etc. Just whipping it out and not caring that others may be uncomfortable is a little rude. I think we aren't islands and there needs to be understanding going both ways. Babies need to eat but we don't need to be cows about it either. Besides, using our babies to "make a statement" seems a little unfair to the child.

I still find being discrete very awkward so I prefer to just bring bottles out in public. Hannah can switch between bottle and boob very easily so combi-feeding is really working for us. And I probably will go formula only at some point. I honestly hate BFing. It's working fine from a physical perspective but it makes me anxious for some reason. There are perks so I'm keeping at it for now but I can't see myself doing it for a year.

This evening I've been having some bleeding from my stitches. So hard not to freak out about it though my mom is telling me to relax and that it's normal. It's only at the spotting level and seems to go away as long as I don't agitate it but I can feel the anxiety build. The public health nurse comes by tomorrow so I'll have to ask her about it. Just frustrated as earlier today I was finally starting to feel more normal down there. I could sit down without wincing. But then had a huge BM and I guess that put stress on the area.


----------



## RedWylder

Left- when you take the picture with your phone, try flipping the phone the other way with the button on the other side and see if the pictures still upload upside down.

Topanga- she's adorable!

I'm sort of in between the whip it out in public and be descreet about it. I personally am just shy and prefer not to whip my boob out in public but I'm not against others doing it. I did feet openly in the grocery store but I was able to get Piper latched discreetly and after that it's easy to pull your shirt right down to baby's face so no boob is actually showing.

Here's two of Piper:

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Piper-194-Edit_zps5364dd98.jpg

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Piper-130-Edit_zpsad92fee8.jpg


----------



## skyesmom

wow girls!!! your pictures look amazing!!

Topanga, Lauren looks so so so much like you!!!

Left, Sean is super super sweet (and even sweeter when i turn my laptop upside down so i could watch his pic normally :) )

Red, those are amazing pics!! you guys must love photography, can't tell which one i like more!

Starry, great to hear Hannah is feeding like a champ! i hope your body recovers soon and you can at least ease off at that worry of stitches bleeding and so on.

can't write more these days as the work has got me down (but all very positive outcomes!), but i'll should be able to breathe more from monday on and get back to you properly!

rayray, we're missing you! send us an update on Sloanne pls! <3


----------



## Topanga053

Red- those are amazing! I LOVE the shirt she's wearing in the top picture and I'm pretty sure Lauren has that exact same headband in the second one! :haha:

Skye- work has been crazy for me too, so I hear you! I can't wait until you can slow down a bit and update us properly! I miss hearing more from you!!!

xoxoxo ladies!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red wow beautiful photos I love the second one , purple is her colour ! 

Skye I'm with Topanga I miss your updates too :)


----------



## rayraykay

hi hi hihihihiii!!! I am so incredibly sorry I have been absent for so long.

Wow, so much to catch up on. I just read all the posts. 

Skye- I am so happy to hear you have an OBGYN that's willing to go the extra mile for you.. with the blood work. It's so important to have a doctor that you trust and understands your journey and can cater to you. Your rainbow is coming soon. I am sorry work has been busy but! positive outcomes? that's so good! What's going on?

Starry- CONGRATULATIONS on your rainbow and I am so sorry I am late to the party. I am so happy for you. I am also sorry things have been tough.... its kinda odd... in the US postpartum anything (depression, anxiety..) is talked about and mentioned but still so taboo. It's like, people want you to talk about it but then you're a black sheep if you do. (like so many things in America.) I definitely have felt down some days... just isolated at times. I am 25 (26 in July), and most of my super close friends don't have babies yet. Some are so into Sloane and wanna see her, others like are "babies.. what a complication.. no thanks..." I do have a cousin in the area with a baby girl who's exactly a month older than Sloane and now that I am not working we hang. But yeah. Postpartum issues are tough, but you are NOT ALONE Starry. 

Left, Topanga, Red... GORGEOUS BABIES. Gorgeous. Man, rainbow babies are just the best. I love the pigtails Topanga.. Lauren rocks them. Piper's photo shoot is priceless Red, the purple flower headband!!! Precious. Left.. Sean is such a handsome boy. His expression melts my heart.

Breastfeeding in public. Tricky subject for me. On the one hand, I'm thinking "dude, she is feeding her baby. If a woman's breasts make you uncomfortable.. that's a personal problem. They aren't sexual when being used to feed a baby." But on the other hand, I am like Red. When I have breastfed in public I might fiddle to get my boob out and to get Sloane latched properly.. but once she's latched I used my shirt to cover my boob. I have tried the whole blanket to cover up but it went over a lot better when she was younger. Because now, yep, Sloane is one of those babies who literally WILL NOT eat covered up. She hits the cover away. Will not concentrate. It's not worth it. I mostly just bring pumped bottles or half formula half BM in public and do a bottle. Or now that she is eating solids, I will bring a puree and she eats that instead if she's hungry while we are out.

Things are going well. She is SIX FREAKIN MONTHS on the 17th! I can't even believe it. She is definitely teething now, she is a little fussier during the day which is weird. She's usually very relaxed. I weighed her this morning by stepping on the scale without her, then with her and she's about 16.5 lbs. I dunno how long but I will find out at her 6 month appt. For the most part she is still sleeping great at night but getting her to nap during the day is tough. I am gonna have to talk to the doctor or something. Sometimes I can get her to nap in her crib in the AM but in the PM we end up just taking a walk and she sleeps or I run errands and she sleeps during that. When bedtime rolls around at 7-7:30.. she goes down like a brick in water. Blah. I need to figure nap time out. 

I love you ladies, and once again I am sorry for my absence. I have been thinking of all of you... much much much love.


----------



## Left wonderin

Rayray I wouldn't sweat nap times once she is sleeping at night . Sean is the same ! Cat nap 20 mins but nothing more ! He is now sleeping from 7pm to 12 , dream feed and back till 7 . Its so nice to have some time back even if it is to do laundry ;)


----------



## RedWylder

WELLLL Piper has no issues sleeping during the day. She often takes 4 hour naps during the day but at night...we still only get 4 hours max. I dream of the day I'll get more sleep. I think the midnight sun might be throwing her off. Maybe when it gets darker again she'll start figuring out a proper sleep schedule.

So nice to hear from you ray ray!!


----------



## Starry Night

Some babies just don't nap well during the day. My mom said my siblings and I never did at all so she never was able to give me advice. My DS was 3 months old before taking a daytime nap and even then I could only get 3 half-hour naps out of him. And those I could only get by doing all his physiotherapy exercises beforehand. By the time he was a year we had gone to 2 one hour naps but he was a year and a half before we got the one, long nap in the afternoon. Hannah will doze between feeds but nothing substantial and definitely not in the bassinet. She will sleep in 6 hour blocks at night but it takes an hour and lots of lots of feeds to get her to go to bed. I generally need to combine a nursing session PLUS a full bottle feed to get her to settle. 12 to 6 is her usual sleeping time.

We've been out and about today (church then lunch to celebrate Father's Day) so that was a lot of bottle feeds compared to normally mostly BFing and my breasts ache so much right now. I also just slept through the last feed so DH just gave her bottle. I tried to pop her on the breast for a BF "top off" but she won't take it right now. Her 2 week appointment is in the city tomorrow so that's more bottle feeds. Still way, way too shy to BF in public. It's the getting her latched part. I don't want to flash anyone. Once she's on it's easy to cover mostly everything (I don't like to completely cover her head out of fear of smothering her)

Red - I love those photos! Piper is really chunking out and such a beauty! And you have such an eye. I wish I could take photos like that. I have no nice photos of my kids.

Speaking of which, I really need to get my photos onto the computer so I can share one of DD.


----------



## RedWylder

I've spent a lot of time and way too much money on photography equipment. At one point I considered becoming a photographer but realized that it's not something I could do for a living. I still do it for friends and for myself. I honestly thought I would be taking lots of nice photos of Piper but it tool 3 hours just to get the set I showed ya'll. It was exhausting and I don't plan on doing it any time soon. I've got about a thousand crappy ones on my phone and that is just fine. :) The point I think is to take photos.


----------



## Left wonderin

I take at least 2 everyday lol... I'm afraid ill miss something and he will grow while im not watching lol..... Its so hard not to keep snapping !! Especially since now we all carry cameras everywhere with us on our phones ! 

On a soppy note I CANNOT believe just how much I love the little man , I know people tell you but nothing has ever come close ..................


----------



## RedWylder

Left, I hear you. Yesterday I was just hugging Piper and it dawned on me just how much I love her. It's overwhelming at times.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red that is exactly the word overwhelming !! 

So girls apart from Skye is anyone else considering getting " on the road again" of ttc ?? I know Topanga is ntnp so is kinda ttc ;) and I've just ordered a bundle of ic Opk so I can get the timing right ;) time is ticking for me so I've got to get a move on lol .......


----------



## Starry Night

Still recovering from this one, thanks. lol ;) Right now we're still fairly certain we're done but I did get a wave of broodiness yesterday which frightened me. I blame the hormones. Maybe when/if Hannah doesn't take 1 1/2 hours to settle for bed I'll feel better about babies.


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol starry your off the hook for now ;) lol .... Have you any more photos to share of Hannah ? I'd love to see some


----------



## Starry Night

I really need to get to the computer in the basement. At the beginning my anemia gave me the worst case of vertigo so I've been afraid to go down the stairs. LOL I'm feeling better now so I should stop being so lazy. Hannah usually doesn't give me much time though as she feeds every 2 hours. I don't even have to do anything around the house with my mom here. Not sure what I'll do once she goes home this weekend.


----------



## skyesmom

oh ladies!

so so many sweet news from all of you :) so here is my update finally :)

both OH and i were working our asses of these past two months, but it was all for the best :) OH decided to change his job as the one where he's currently working doesn't offer many perspectives of growth, and he wasn't too happy about it either, but now with his heart set on the change and already some concrete possibilities in sight, it all looks really good, and i honestly think it is the best decision for him :)

...and we decided to move to a bigger place this autumn; we were thinking of moving when we get a LO and they start toddling around, but now we decided not to wait anymore and just go with it... so now we're in this sweet romantic phase of watching places to rent and imagining ourselves here and there...

i'm having my doc's appointment for the extra blood tests next week, which is great, i thought the time until then will never pass but it did!

and i must say that lately, OH is much more warmer to the baby idea.. he has had his share of cold feet earlier this spring and it was really tough for me but now he's in a very sweet mode and baby talk doesn't scare, tire or exhaust him (i didn't insist on it much although there were times where i did need a clear declaration from him that he did WANT a baby with me at some point... and then OH's brother got into the "shall we ttc" business and was kind of well... overwhelming him/us with that, and his fears and paranoia of becoming a father, so...)...

but now those days are behind and i can see him more and more calm and into the whole thing.. and it would be so so lovely to share the ttc journey with you girls again!! 

Topanga, Left... who else is in? <3 <3 <3 i love you all so much ladies, your friendship and support here is amazing :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Ooooh Skye sounds like you and oh are in a great place right now. What type of places are you looking at ?? Exciting ! Have you gone to view any yet ? 

So what's the current plan re ttc right now . Ntnp ? Actively ttc ? ....... In my head we are actively ttc despite the fact oh still has one foot in and one foot out !!! I just keep telling him we are trying again and he says no ( only half heart-idly) and I just say well I am ... Today he ask me " eh how you gonna do it without me "??? I just said sure ill just go to a sperm bank ;) lol ... That shut him up lol...... The conversation is to be continued ! I bought Opk ic just waiting for them to be delivered ..


----------



## skyesmom

:) yes we're in so much better place now :)

we're ntnp-ing, as ttcing and all the fuss was really detrimental to my mental health (and his, too much pressure). also our sexual life took off since we went off the official ttc train and got on the ntnp one, so we'll keep it like that... and enjoy it actually! 

i kinda know when i ovulate anyway so it's not too bad if we don't temp or test, and my cycles got more normal over time. the first year after the mc and D&C it was all over the place, for 3-4 months i had a couple of very short anovulatory cycles (never had that before!), lost way too much weight without wanting it, but now all that is way better so i prefer just listening to my body.

...and we're looking for something cozy, like a two bedroom flat, not too big not too small (flats in europe are generally smaller than in the states), with a big living room where we could put a sofa bed for guests when they pop by. 

and it would be so nice if we found something with a bathtub and not only a shower (also very common in europe especially in the newer flats in the cities!)


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye where are you from ? I'm from Ireland .


----------



## skyesmom

:) my parents are spanish but i'm born in austria :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Are you living in Austria , geez your English is excellent


----------



## skyesmom

awww thanks :) I work as a translator and OH is from UK :) i guess that helps!
all in all i think i've spent less than a year in native english speaking countries. 
but i write a lot due to my job, i like it very much, the written word i mean :) 

we live in switzerland now, mainly due to OH's job and the fact that both oh and i travel a lot due to our jobs and it's kinda close to everything! but we're thinking of moving to germany or back to austria at some point. 
swiss is nice but insanely expensive when it comes to buying property so we'll skip that for now!

oh and ireland is one of those beautiful places i still haven't visited yet but i'd love to once :) looks so wild and green!


----------



## Starry Night

I only visited Switzerland for a few days about 7 years ago now but yeah, it was insanely expensive. The Swiss Franc was about on par with the Canadian Dollar at the time so it was easy to compare cost of living, etc. So when I spent 16 SF on a water bottle, a tiny quiche and a chocolate bar I felt like I was being ripped off. :haha: But it was a beautiful country. I don't speak German but my family does so it felt safe and familiar hearing everyone on the public transit speaking it.

Anyways, here is a photo of Hannah I took today. It's one of our favourites. And yes, she was sitting there with her mouth hanging open like that. It's better than crying! (she's a very fussy baby)
 



Attached Files:







IMG_3870_2.jpg
File size: 31.6 KB
Views: 9


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone... I feel like I've been away forever... Red and Starry.. Congrats on your beautiful babies!

Skye, saying a prayer that this time is it for you...

Left, I visited Ireland (Dublin) back in 2008... I loved it and could have stayed there forever..

Topanga, ray, left... Your babies are beautiful. My how the time goes fast...


Life for me is crazy busy... I did just finish my book and published it on Amazon.com and the Kindle. It's called: My Life as a Tsetse Fly... Other than that things are about the same.

Thinking about you all and so happy for you!

I've missed you all...


----------



## skyesmom

wow Carry!! so so nice to hear from you! and congrats on publishing your book! will have to look it up :) :) curious title anyway!

and Starry - Hannah has such a cheeky face on that pic, she looks like she's got a strong character.. she's adorable!

and yes, living costs in Switzerland are insane, but it is a good place to be for some years, save up and then move & buy somewhere else...


----------



## Left wonderin

Guten tag :) ich habe ein bitchen Deutsch. Ich have in die schul gelernt aber ich have veil vergessen !!!! ;) I would love to visit Switzerland . Have been to Germany and Austria but never made it to Switzerland ..... One day !!! 

Cary its great to hear from you ! A book ! What an achievement ! We miss you too xx


----------



## skyesmom

oh Left!! Dein Deutsch ist aber sehr gut!! what a surprise! if you ever come to Switzerland you'll laugh your ass off, they speak german with such a silly accent here, i still have trouble staying serious sometimes when i hear people speak (oooops!).

Cary saw your book on Kindle and the summary makes it look like a hair-raising story! congrats again!


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, so good to hear from you!!! I'm so glad things are going so well and congrats on publishing the book... what an accomplishment!!! I will have to check it out! I've missed you!!

Skye- I hear you on NTNP v. TTC. This experience has been SOOO different for me/us than when we were TTC Lauren. TTCAL was stressful and heartbreaking and very un-sexy. :haha: This new NTNP journey has been a lot of fun. I don't know if my cycles are the same now post-birth and post-birth control, but I know when I ovulated before, so I'm guessing it's about the same. But really, it's so nice to just relax and let nature take its course (or not!). I know the last time I mentioned DH was reluctant to finish, but I think that's over. He's been much more laid back about it. We DTD a couple of days ago and afterwards, he asked when I was ovulating and I said probably right around now and he was fine with it. Then that night he said, "remember when I used to talk to LO in your belly?" and leaned over and kissed my belly and gave me a really mischievous smile. So we haven't talked about it outright, but I think he's more and more excited about the possibility of a second baby. Our family keeps pushing us about a second, but we haven't said anything. LO's godmother is the only person IRL who knows that we're NTNP. And last night I had an INSANELY real dream that I was pregnant with twins. In the dream, I was having an ultrasound done to see if we were pregnant and I could see the two little sacs and everything. I'm not saying it means anything, but it was a beautiful dream! I woke up incredibly happy.


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - how wonderful to hear from you! Congrats on getting a book published. DH is trying his hand at it and it's tough so good on you! :)

Topanga - I think NTNP is a good way to ease into TTC#2. It lets you warm up to the idea (provided you don't catch right away, of course).

Skye - most of my family speaks "low German" and my friends who speak the real dialect think it sounds ridiculous too. Low German is very similar to Dutch. There were some kids adopted from the Netherlands at our grade school when I was a child and my friend who spoke low German was able to talk with them.

afm - I'm thinking I may quit BFing sooner than I had planned. Whatever hormones are released while BFing make me SO *super* depressed and anxious. By the end I just want to rip DD off of me and I feel like screaming and crying. :cry: She latches fine and physically everything else is going fine (no pain, no sore nipples, etc) so I'm going to keep at it as long as possible but I'm starting to get a little afraid for myself.:nope: I've already been diagnosed with post partum depression and have been hospitalized once for it (that's how they discovered the anemia). My mom leaves tomorrow and my DH starts a new job next week where he'll be gone all day. His old job let him be home much of the time so this is going to be my first time as a mom being on my own all day. I know BFing is supposed to make you feel all lovey dovey and bonded with your LO but for me it is totally doing the opposite even though it is physically going fine. I get the lovey dovey feelings while bottle feeding.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, BF can be tricky. I didn't do it because it was excruciatingly painful (LO bit), but I did pump for awhile and I always felt really WEIRD when I was pumping. Not quite to the level of depressed, but definitely not myself. I NEVER felt happy or lovey dovey while pumping or nursing. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work! Hannah will be fine on formula and bottles. IMO, what she really needs is a happy, healthy mom. If BF is making you even more depressed, then I don't think you should think twice about stopping. Your mental health is much more important!! And remember, we're always here for you if you need to talk or vent. PPD is really, really tough. Depression in general sucks. But you have a whole group of us here who love you, cheering you on.


----------



## Left wonderin

I so second Topanga ! You are much more important to Hannah than breast milk . She will do just fine on ff :) if I were you I'd give up sooner rather than later xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, ladies. :hugs: I exclusively FF'd my son so I have no qualms about FF'ing. But BFing didn't work at all with him so I was hoping to at least do it part time with DD...at least for the first few months. And I hate the guilt trips from everyone! I know I shouldn't care what others say. It would be easier if I could say "I'm FFing" and everyone would just drop the subject but I keep getting cornered and have to justify it in great detail and fight back "oh try this to make BFing work" comments like I'm a dummy who doesn't know how to research for myself. The worst is "but formula is so expensive". As if I didn't know that! :dohh: I wish I could say "I really tried BFing but it didn't work" and everyone would drop the subject. I don't want to discuss my boobs or my mental stability with everyone. 

I'm seeing my doctor every week and the public health nurse is visiting regularily to check up on me. Still trying to decide on whether or not to take meds but the side effects sound unpleasant. Hoping to yet be able to avoid those.


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga - those are sweet sweet news! love how your OH smiled at you mischievously :) awww sounds like he's really warming up to the idea! 

Starry - PPD is a serious, serious issue, any form of depression really is. i second both topanga and left on what they said: the most important thing for Hannah is to have a healthy mom, not a boob! If formula feeding does the trick for you, then just go with it. and to all the people that start offering benevolent advices, i really think you should simply tell them... something along: i tried everything to make BF work for me. but i've been diagnosed with PPD and no matter what i do, BF makes it really worse so i am obliged to FF. i think NO ONE would ever dare make your boobs their own business after that. people don't know what kind of embarrassing questions are they making or how much they're invading unless they feel embarrassed themselves.

i had that often over the last year: "what are you waiting for, you're already over 30, your OH and you should really hurry up, you ain't getting younger." and more i'd be quiet and avoiding the more they would insist, but from the moment i've said: hey i've already lost two babies in my late '20, so the fact i'm childless now wasn't really my first choice anyway; they REALLY shut up for good. Some apologized profusely and were really really embarrassed. it happened only once this year, and all in all twice over the last year... more than enough, but it stopped.

i know it's kinda normal to ask people who are married/living together about kids, and people don't mean bad things, but what the losses have thought me is that sometimes the reality is a bit more complex than what it seems, and that not all the couples are waiting because of career/money/perfect moment.. some wait because they are obliged to. same with breastfeeding, we all have our ideas on it but until you're in it and feeling the invasion yourself, you can't really understand.


----------



## Starry Night

Skye - you're so right. There is a couple I used to babysit for when I was a teen. Their kids were about 7 to 10 years younger than me but the couple got married before my parents. My mom said people used to say the most awful things about them and why they didn't want kids. People called them selfish to their faces! Eventually it came out that the wife had been on fertility meds the whole time. :growlmad::nope: One time someone was bugging me about kids even though I'd only been married for about 1 1/2 years. We had been trying for a little while already so I just said, "Yeah, we'd like kids but you can't just go to the store and pick one up". That ended the conversation pretty quick. The person wasn't trying to be mean but I didn't know her super well and it's so hard to gracefully exit a conversation you don't want to have.

Right now I'm basically FFing with BF as a supplement. I can nurse for almost an hour and DD will still take nearly an entire bottle feed on top. BFing had been seeming to go well (minus the depression) so I did try to do it exclusively but then she cried and screamed all day. And I do mean ALL day. She does have some colic, but adding the bottle again has greatly, greatly reduced the fussiness. I want to talk to the doctor before phasing it out entirely simply because I don't want to hurt my breasts by quitting cold turkey. I hadn't nursed all day today (we were out) and by this evening I was leaking all over the place and was so engorged. I nursed for an hour and still had stuff leftover. But I really had to focus on the TV from getting too sad or worked up.


----------



## Topanga053

DH and I were lucky that no one bugged us about kids before LO, probably because I was in law school. A lot of people in DH's family had kids as teenagers and never finished high school or college, so they were just so impressed that a couple in the family were making school a priority (DH and I both had our college degrees and I was going for my JD) before starting a family. They would tell DH a lot that we were the first ones to do it right. (My family is the complete opposite... my parents met at college and didn't TTC for YEARS and then had fertility problems, so they were in their late 30s when they had me.) Also, I was very open about our loss (EVERYONE knows), so that put an end to most of the nagging later, because everyone knew I was hurting.

But #2 is a different story. ;-) Now the in-laws are nagging us every chance they get. ;-)

Starry, colic is so rough. And PPD and colic is a terrible combination (hell, colic is enough to CAUSE ppd!). LO had colic and there were days I just wanted to give her away. I know that sounds awful, but 3+ hours of non-stop screaming really mess with your mind. The end of colic was when I finally REALLY started to enjoy her. So I'm here if you need to talk!


----------



## Topanga053

PS- so sad about that couple, Starry. My heart just breaks for that wife. :nope:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I found that too with Sean once I started ff he was just so much happier and settled . Before that he would cry and be fussy between feeds , now he is contented and will sit in his bouncer and play for a good 30 mins . Before that never happened !! Ff also helped emensley in developing a routine . Really I wish someone would tell you how demanding and emotional BF is before you start so you are prepared . I think next time ( please god there is one ) I won't be so slow to Introduce ff if I think its needed . Hv have alot to answer for !!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

OK, so I ended up mostly FFing today and I felt like a completely different person and I had a completely different baby. Not only was she awake more but she was awake AND happy!! I had a whole evening with a wide-eyed, non-crying baby. And she went to bed without a fuss. I hope that continues to tomorrow. I see the doctor on Tuesday so hopefully she can give me tips on drying up my milk. Right now I have a scarf tied super tight across my chest and I took a pain killer but not sure what else to do. I also started to get pain in my nipples today after having no pain at all. It's like this stinging pain but I can't see any cracks or bleeding or anything. All I know is it smarted like the dickens when she tried to latch. It hurts without baby latching on too.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry delighted your feeling better :) and great baby Hannah is doing well :) When do you become a home alone mum ?


----------



## Starry Night

Today is my first day on my own. It's going fairly well. Not doing much, to be honest. I wanted to start small so we're sticking to the upstairs and I'm mostly cycling the dishwasher and preparing bottles. My mom has left some leftovers so serving those now. I was going to do laundry but now our washing machine is leaking and flooding the laundry room so I want to wait until DH is home to do more loads and we can figure out some sort of solution.

I also haven't been bleeding much the past day or two which makes me a tad nervous as that happened late last week and then suddenly had dark blood running down my legs in the shower. I bled for nearly 6 weeks after DS so I highly doubt it's over yet. But my stitches seem to be healing. Almost feel human down there.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry that funny my washing machine start leaking yesterday . I think it has been for a while and only found it when I went looking as the was a gross damp smell I couldn't get rid of in the utility room . Big leak under machine . Now to get it fixed, finding it is one thing !! 

Make sure and take it handy !! You and dd and Ds come first , once your fed and happy the rest can wait !!! My bleeding did that too stopped and started its a pain in the butt as your not quite sure if its gone or when its gonna start again !


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, it was that way with DS too. Though with him I had a whole ton more and huge clots which is weird as he was a section. But then, I did have clots in the womb during that pregnancy. I clotted every time I went for a short walk those first 6 weeks. I just wonder when I can be sure the bleeding is over. It's now been 3 days and the most I've gotten is brownish red spotting and that's just when wiping...nothing on the pads...and even that is only once or twice in the past few days. I am so anxious to get out of granny panties! :haha:

I have lost 30 of the 50 pounds I've gained in the pregnancy but I know that last 20 pounds will be a huge pain to lose. And then there is the 10 pounds I gained from my miscarriages. I'm trying to be realistic. It took me a year to lose the weight I gained from DS's pregnancy.


----------



## Left wonderin

At least its in your head !!!! I'm still in pre contemplation mode !!!


----------



## skyesmom

oh girls. with these post-partum stories i would have never known of if it weren't for you, well... it kinda makes the waiting for the BFP a tad easier!!!

do you really need to wear granny panties? i mean, how much do you bleed after birth? for how long. be real. don't spare me. i wanna know.

and Starry, now that you have breastfed plus have two little ones to run after, i think those 20 pounds will melt down quicker!


----------



## Left wonderin

Well for me the granny knickers stuck around a good 8 weeks as I couldn't bear ANYTHING to touch my c section scar ! Granny knickers right up to my waist was all I could do . No wonder I'm not pg :rofl: !! The bleeding wasn't too bad I was expecting worse tbh but think mine was lighter due to c section .


----------



## Left wonderin

And there is NO tampons or slim sanitary towels . You have to wear the BIG doorstep maternity ones . I questioned this and was told its so you can monitor the bleeding apparently the slim ones are too absorbent and you might miss the start of a hemorage !


----------



## Starry Night

I'm actually bleeding less than i did with my son and he was a section but maybe my double blood transfusion has helped with that this time. I always wear granny panties on my heavy days of my period (the first few days I tend to need a tampon plus a pad) so yeah, definitely need granny panties for post partum bleeding. For the most part, this time has been more like a light to moderate period. The past few days to week I have hardly anything but when I do get a gush it can almost fill a pad. I had another mini-gush today but it was mostly brown and some pale red and haven't had anything else since. I'm wearing your average pad at the moment. I bled six weeks for my son and am expecting something similar this time.

Having had both, I will say a vaginal recovery IS easier than a section. But vaginal stitching comes with it's own annoyances. With sections people warn you that sneezing and coughing can hurt the stitches but they very much hurt vaginal stitches too. Yikes. It's also trickier keeping the area clean than stomach stitches simply because you don't go to the bathroom out of your belly button. However, the overall aches and pains are much less and I'm feeling much better a whole lot sooner. 

And weight loss isn't always easy. I have a friend who lost all her pregnancy weight in the first week whereas I took a year of active dieting and exercise. I was in maternity until about 7 months afterwards (granted I didn't start TRYING to lose weight until 4 months after).


----------



## RedWylder

lol Skye- The first two days the bleeding is really heavy. My bathroom at the hospital looked like a murder scene. I felt really bad for my cleaning lady. j But after that it was just like a heavy period for a few weeks and then tapered off to a normal period for a few more and then a really really light period after that. I bled straight for 6 weeks and then it moved on to spotting for a few more and now at 11 weeks I've been in the clear for a couple weeks. :) Everyone is different though. My midwife was definitely a little surprised to know I was still bleeding at 6 weeks. But honestly it's just a nuisance, I wouldn't worry about it.


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, it's not horrible. It's just that icky feeling you get while on your period. It's more annoying. With my son I was passing big (nearly palm-sized) clots for several weeks whenever I did any sort of physical activity but I did have the issue of clots in the womb and a torn placenta. I think that might have had something to do with that. This time I've only had a few clots and they were tiny and dead-looking. I've had miscarriage recoveries that were worse than this. And you will have a tiny little person to distract you from all the unloveliness of the physical recovery. :cloud9:

For me the hardest part has been my natural hypochondria and ensuing post partum anxiety and depression. Switching to bottles though has been a huge load off of my mind. It sheds new light on my son's situation. I thought I was getting depressed because BFing wasn't going well but it seems I just can't handle the hormones that come with nursing. If I were to have a 3rd (ha, not likely) I would still try BFing in hopes the hormonal soup would be different next time.


----------



## skyesmom

wow. bleeding for six weeks. this is what no one ever told me! neither that first two days look like a murder scene (although my cousin and his wife who are both doctors did mention something like "ah you need these medical pads as ANYTHING can come out of there afterwards"... but i think i underestimated it thinking: ok they're doctors they're exaggerating). 

i now wonder how some friends of mine restarted having sex after 4 weeks post partum (! seems like a mission impossible after reading your replies!). 

oh well. i guess having a baby really wipes your mind away so in the end you don't notice both the bleeding and the time passing by! thanks for your honest replies ladies!!

and Starry, regarding the weight loss, i think it largely depends on hormones. i know some women who have lost more than what they gained in the first 7-8 months and stayed skin&bone after having a baby, other women who couldn't lose a gram for months no matter what they did (and serious dieting or exercising was out of question for first 4 months at least), women who lost some weight quickly and then got rid of the rest or parts of the rest over a year later, women who on scale show the same or higher number as pre-pregnancy but their clothes are hanging off them as well as the opposite. no rule there and every pregnancy is different i think, you really depend on the hormone soup a lot there.

oh well. now back to accepting the bleeding may last for 6 weeks straight.


----------



## Starry Night

Not everyone bleeds that long I'm sure. Yeah, otherwise you wouldn't be hearing about the girls who get pregnant within a month or two of having a baby. It's like after a m/c....I don't think you can ovulate while still bleeding and the same rule about infections applies. Though I can't imagine anyone WANTING to have sex that soon. I'm so sore and tender the first time after a m/c, I can only imagine what it's going to be like this time. ha ha

I was warned about the 6 weeks from my Grade 9 health class/sex ed teacher and that really stuck in my head because my periods are so awful that 6 weeks of it sounded awful. This time around really is not bad though. I bleed/spot about twice a day, if that. I slept bottomless last night because I just couldn't handle the panties and pads anymore. I put a rag underneath me and nothing even came out.

Nights are still inconsistent with DD and she is now fussing in her sleep so I'm getting even less. Nothing more than 2 hours at a time. Feeling a bit rough especially with the colic during the day. The doctor recommended I switch to one of the "gentle" formulas so I hope that helps.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ladies great news from the doc . No issues with ttc and meds :) she said such slow dose she is putting oh on he shouldn't have side effects and there is no research that proves any effect on sperm quality etc . She did say some men loose their libido but most experience an increase in sex drive ( can't wait for that ;) lol ) . She was very positive :)


----------



## Topanga053

skyesmom said:


> oh girls. with these post-partum stories i would have never known of if it weren't for you, well... it kinda makes the waiting for the BFP a tad easier!!!
> 
> do you really need to wear granny panties? i mean, how much do you bleed after birth? for how long. be real. don't spare me. i wanna know.

Ha! I totally agree with Red. My hospital room absolutely looked like a murder scene. I hemorrhaged right after the birth and ended up losing twice as much blood as I should have. The doctor was starting to get really concerned when the bleeding finally slowed down. I still remember the look of deep concern in her eyes.

The combination of birth, hemorrhaging, and being up for almost 48 hours with almost no sleep meant that I was very out of it right after the birth. I loved when they put LO on my chest, but honestly, after that, I wanted nothing to do with her. I know that sounds unbelievably awful, but I was so tired and in so much pain, I just wanted someone to take her away. I never got that immediate "earth shattering, the world shifted on its axis" feeling of love. For awhile, I was kind of resentful of her for all of the pain and fatigue she had caused. Bonding with LO took time for me. (I told my mom once--in tears--that I felt awful because I didn't want to be near LO most of the time in the hospital and I never felt that immediate sense of love. And my mom told me not to feel bad because she felt the same way about me when I was born. :haha: She said that she had the nurses take me to the nursery all the time because she just wanted to be alone and to sleep.)

Physically, the first few days were AWFUL. Even when the hemorrhaging stopped, I bled very heavily and I was SO. SO. SORE. Getting in and out of bed to go to the bathroom took me forever and hurt so, so much. GOING to the bathroom was excruciating. Honestly, what I remember most from our hospital stay isn't even Lauren, it's how miserable I was physically. Labor and post-labor is one of the things I dread most when I think about TTC again.

I don't remember exactly how long I bled post-birth. I know the first week or two was really heavy (yes, granny panties and yes, lots of pads). I remember DTD around week 3, so the bleeding had at least _slowed down_ at that point, but I also remember that I was still bleeding and wearing pads at my 6 week post-partum visit. So, I want to say it was VERY heavy for a few weeks, and then off and on (some spotting, then some days of period-like bleeding) until about 8 weeks. In general, no fun. Then add a still sore vagina, sleep deprivation, post-partum depression, engorged/leaking breasts and a biting, colicy baby, and really, the first several weeks were pretty miserable.

(But I want to go on record and say I adore LO! Like I said, bonding took some time for me, but once I recovered physically and hormonally and had time to adjust to being a parent, I became obsessed with her and how unbelievably cute she is!!)


----------



## Left wonderin

I don't remember that "tv " moment either , I do remember crying gut wernching sobs with absolute relief he was here and safe . After That I seriously thought I was going to die as I went into shock , bp dropped and I got the shakes !! It wasn't very glamourous!! I kept passing out !! Like Topanga it took a while to make to make the connection . Giving birth is quite traumatic !!! But don't regret on second of it !!


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks Left! So glad to hear that I'm not alone! You always hear/see these stories (real or on TV) of women falling instantly in love with their kids, so I felt like a terrible mother when I didn't feel that way for awhile. Just one more thing I wish our culture would be honest about!!!

And that's great news about TTC! Glad to hear his meds won't interfere with things!


----------



## Carybear

One of my friends told me that when her kids were born she just kept thinking that were supposed to be cutere than that 

She has beautiful children, but she said that the first few days she didn't feel that bonding feeling at all...


----------



## skyesmom

ghgh ok i'll brace myself for all that, with hope that years of vegetarian food regime will help a bit with the post-partum toilet armagedons when the time comes.

and regarding bonding - i think there it really depends on many factors, of which the labor i think influences it a lot. you kind of end up losing your physical identity for a while while pregnant, and a devastating labor with physical or emotional traumas can really bring you down into the hole. i mean, it is kind of normal, isn't it, a part of our survival instinct to feel hostility to whatever almost caused our physical death, right? be it an animal, a person or even food (just remember how you cringe to something you've vomited your guts after eating it, even years later).

of course no one can show that on film as it doesn't make a nice clean politically correct and socially acceptable scene (i mean, PPD was a silent hell that women started talking about just a decade ago). and i really find it brave of all of you ladies to be so open about your own stories of slower bonding.

in real life, i've heard both versions and honestly, the TV moment kind of thing i heard of mainly from moms who were lucky to have quick and non-traumatic labors. i think no one who hasn't been through it can't allow themselves to judge anybody.

and thanks for being so sincere about the whole thing!

Left - great to hear about the meds and TTC.. and maybe even an increased sex drive lol :) :) :) what a nice possible side effect indeed!!


----------



## Starry Night

I was asleep for my son's section so bonding took a little time. I knew I liked him right away but it actually took a few weeks for the gushy feelings to come. With DD I felt the difference in the level of bonding when they first laid her on my chest but the moment of her arrival wasn't as magical as I had imagined. By that point I had been up for 24 hours, in active labour for 19 and was so doped up on drugs that I almost felt like I was having an outer body experience. I could feel just enough pressure so I knew when to push but with the forceps it was over so quick and everything felt so far away that I didn't believe the doctors when they said "she is coming". ha ha I didn't feel her coming until the last push and she slid out and that was more a weird feeling of a big gloop meeting flailing limbs. I was super relieved to hear her cries but I was even more relieved that horrifying labour was over.

I will say that with the forceps delivery they put your feet in the most comfortable stirrups ever. They're soft, padded boots so your feet won't slide around. They should do all labours in them. Gives you real traction versus holding onto your own legs.

Left - I'm so glad to hear the meds for your OH's depression shouldn't affect TTC. A positive doctor really helps with the optimism too. :)

afm - guess the PPD is still sticking around. Hannah's colic was really bad today and she's going through some growth spurt so she wanted to eat every 1 1/2 hours. My PPD is affecting my sleep too so those 45 minute windows where I can catch wink or two are ruined by my tossing and turning. I really am going off of maybe 3 hours of sleep (broken up into about 3 chunks) in 24 hour periods. Nearly had a breakdown today and had to leave her screaming in our room just so I could lie on the couch and actually go into unconscious sleep for about 15 minutes.

Thankfully, yesterday my doctor told me my only "to do" list is to make sure everyone is fed and that everyone sleeps. So that removes any guilt of spending most of the day lying on the couch. I might not be sleeping but at least I'm getting some sort of rest.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry sounds like you have a very sensible doctor !! Its hard to have any other " to do list " without ppd let alone with it !! I thought it was a HUGE achievement when I cooked dinner in thefirst few weeks;) if I had it to do all over again I'd be much kinder and nicer to myself and you should bexxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Today was better as I had a better sleep last night. Hannah still fusses in her sleep a bit so I banished myself to the couch and turned on the air conditioner (it's quite loud). I got 3 straight hours. It would have been four but I got anxious about her in my sleep and woke myself up. She was still quiet so I went back to sleep for another hour. After she fed (even with a bottle the process still takes an hour by the time she's asleep again) I got another 2 1/2 hours when DS woke up and started banging on his bedroom door. Hannah slept another 2 hours so I put in a movie for DS and got some broken sleep of about 30 minutes on the couch. It was nice. I didn't get an afternoon nap though and this time it was DS' fault. I put Hannah in our room and she fussed at first but did go quiet and I was about to konk out on the couch and was even starting to dream when DS started to bang on his bedroom door again and I'm the type that once I'm up, I'm up. So frustrating.

I'm glad the doctor gave me such a short "to do" list because it's been 3 days and I STILL haven't folded the laundry that I've been meaning to do. Yikes. ha ha


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, just wanted to check in. How are you and Hannah feeling today?


**TRIGGER WARNING: discusses reaction to BFNs**

Afm, I got the stomach flu/food poisoning last night, so I'm home recovering. As long as I'm on the couch I feel relatively ok, but as soon as I walk around I am immediately exhausted. I just went upstairs and had to immediately sit on the floor to get some energy back. Awful! 

Also, I'm not going to lie, being nauseous/sick/miserable last night kind of made me rethink no. 2! I took a pregnancy test just in case (BFN; one week before AF due) and I was actually kind of relieved when it was negative. I think it was just fear how bad the sickness would be if it was THAT bad early on. Anyway, I'm sure I'll feel differently once I'm healthy again. But it was SO WEIRD to be relieved to see a BFN. Completely surreal after 1+ year of bawling my eyes out every time it was negative.


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - I get you on the weird reactions to BFNs shortly after having a baby. About 3 months after DS was born DH and I got a little frisky but didn't have protection on hand and then 2 weeks later I was feeling nauseous, crampy with heartburn and a bit flushed. Then I noticed a tiny bit of a pink spot when I went to the washroom. All seemed like pregnancy signs! At first I thought that was kind of exciting but then I remembered how i was on bed rest with my son the entire pregnancy and if that happened again, I would essentially miss all of my son's first year. And nevermind I'd have a baby turning 1 and an newborn! :help::argh: I was never so relieved to see a bfn. AF showed up two weeks after THAT so I guess I was just getting really strong ovulation signs which usually are similar to my preggo signs...just milder.

afm - think I'm doing OK. I have some really, really good days and I'll start to think I'm past everything or that my PPD diagnosis was over the top or that I was simply milking my baby blues for attention. But then I have bad days too where I feel like everything is horrible, terrible and I just can't cope. Hannah has been switched to a gentle formula and that seems to be helping to ease the colic and reflux. It makes me see light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to her scream fests. And she smiled at me for the first time on Saturday. :cloud9: In fact, she was all smiles all day. DS didn't smile until 5 or 6 weeks so getting one this early was such a pleasant surprise.


----------



## Starry Night

One of my low points yesterday actually came while spending the evening with relatives in the city. One mentioned how she had just been at a funeral for a friend's baby. The baby had been miscarried at 17 weeks but because it actually lived for 10 minutes after being born it was given a birth certificate and officially classified as a stillbirth. She was sharing the story as if, while still very sad,it was neat and special that the couple got to have a funeral. I suppose it was good for the couple to have that but it made me feel like she was saying had it been a miscarriage the baby's death wouldn't have counted as much, which, in turn, made me feel like my babies didn't matter. The story also underscored that I didn't get to have funerals for my babies and that they were unceremoniously flushed down the toilet...by me....guilt, guilt, GUILT!:cry::cry::cry:

The rest of the evening was essentially ruined as my depression and anxiety flared up big time and everything seemed horrible....my son's coughs and DD's spit up were all sure signs that their deaths were approaching, etc, etc and I could not cope with her cries (it was a colicky day) and I was so FURIOUS with her by evening that DH had to put her to bed and of course she went straight to sleep for him. :dohh:

Today is a bit better. Feeling a little more like myself and DD is having a calm day. She's actually napping in her bassinet and DS' cough is more under control


----------



## Topanga053

:hugs: Colic and PPD are so, so hard. I don't know if your DS had colic or if this is your first exposure to it, but if it is, it WILL get better. I know it's hard to imagine when every day is filled with more screaming, but it DOES end. It's just plugging through one day at a time (and don't feel bad if you have to put Hannah in her crib for a bit and shut the door! Anyone who said newborns can't "cry it out" for a little bit absolutely never had a newborn with colic!!). Then one day all of a sudden you'll realize she didn't scream that day. Or the next. For us, it was around 11 weeks when it stopped (I really don't even remember exactly when). And now? People--even strangers--can't believe what a calm and happy baby she is. She only cries now if she's in pain, hungry, or tired. I can go shopping with her all day and she just watches everyone and smiles. My friend couldn't believe it and she DEFINITELY couldn't believe that for the first three months of her life Lauren would scream her head off for hours a day. Now it's hard for even us to remember that she was like that. It feels like just a vague memory at this point. 

I give you lots of credit too for dealing with it as a SAHM with another kid to care for. It's tough work. One of the reasons why I was ready to go back to work is because it was so tough being in the house alone all day with a colicky baby. DH came right out and said he has no idea how I did it and that he couldn't have coped, especially if he also had to deal with post-birth hormones. 

So do whatever you need to do get through and manage your PPD, which is very real and NOT in your head! Take a walk. Get a babysitter and have a date night. Take naps. Forget the housework. Journal. Take meds. Have a friend help when Hannah's screaming is too much. Talk to a therapist. Put Hannah in her crib and walk away for a bit... she will be fine and with colic there is absolutely nothing you can do to comfort her anyway. Sometimes your sanity is more important. 

Also, there are some colic treatments on the market (gas drops, gripe water, etc). We tried most of them and nothing helped Lauren, but it felt good to at least try and they have worked for some women. One of our doctors also recommended swaddling her VERY tightly and saying "SHHHH!" In her ear very loudly over and over again (supposed to mimic the sound and feel of the womb). We tried a couple of times and it did help a little bit.

:hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

geez girls you are real troopers. i think colic + latching/BF issues are a nightmare to deal with, PPD or not... and can "help" someone who has never had issues go into PPD together with all the hormones and all.

i admire you all so so much! 

still waiting for my bloods to come back (although i have a feeling it is all just fine); but my doc did tell me that due to post-mc depression i'm a candidate for the PPD, more than someone who hasn't suffered a loss+depression... 
and since here they try it all before prescribing you meds (which is my approach as well, i have nothing against it if really needed, but i'm stubborn to try all the other approaches first), i got ORDERED to get a foot massage/foot reflexology treatment every day for the first three post partum weeks (!). and apparently they are covered by the insurance if prescribed as a PPD prevention treatment by a doctor.

so yeah. a foot massage is a ppd cure in switzerland, yay. i hope i won't need it but hey, can't complain about this suggestion!


----------



## Starry Night

Foot massages are awesome and true stress relievers. I make DH give them to me all the time. Even from a non-expert they feel great so I think you'll really enjoy one from one trained to massage feet. Meds are a very last resort for me too so I understand wanting to try other things first. Right now the potential side effects sound like they'd only add to my depression.

Good luck with your blood work.

Yesterday was a bit rough again with the colic but then I've been mixing in my regular formula in with the gentle stuff. I had already opened a tin of my regular formula and it's only good for a month so I really did not want to waste any of it. I thought if I put in one scoop of the regular powder with the gentle formula it wouldn't do any harm. I was wrong. What a fussy day! And when she is colicky, Hannah just wants to nibble and snack all day. She was taking an hour to eat only half of her usual bottle but then wanted to eat every 1 1/2 hours during the day and every 2 hours at night.

It had taken a few days of the gentle formula to make a difference (and it did in a BIG way) that I'm smacking myself for being cheap. I have a cupboard full of free formula samples and the gentle stuff looks like it's going to cost me nearly $50 a week. :nope: But Hannah does SO much better on it that we're stuck for the next little while at least. I'm hoping we can switch to the free samples in a few months when the colic and reflux are not so bad. The samples include a gentle formula as well but I don't want to switch back and forth especially when I'm using one that is already working so well. Seriously, once it had kicked in, I could NOT believe the difference.

My son cried A LOT as a newborn too but his cries were quieter and he did well at night so that helped. Also, I knew his crying was from a lack of sleep because he'd only nap 5 minutes at a time but the few days he would nap he became the happiest, smiliest baby in the world. But I DID forget about the cry fests and didn't remember them until Hannah started her scream fests. So it couldn't have been THAT bad if I didn't even remember. I keep telling myself that whenever she gets hard to bear.


----------



## Topanga053

skyesmom said:


> still waiting for my bloods to come back (although i have a feeling it is all just fine); but my doc did tell me that due to post-mc depression i'm a candidate for the PPD, more than someone who hasn't suffered a loss+depression...
> and since here they try it all before prescribing you meds (which is my approach as well, i have nothing against it if really needed, but i'm stubborn to try all the other approaches first), i got ORDERED to get a foot massage/foot reflexology treatment every day for the first three post partum weeks (!). and apparently they are covered by the insurance if prescribed as a PPD prevention treatment by a doctor.
> 
> so yeah. a foot massage is a ppd cure in switzerland, yay. i hope i won't need it but hey, can't complain about this suggestion!

HAHAHAHAHAHA I live in the US and the idea of a foot massage being a covered expense (even once, let alone every day) is absolutely, unbelievably hilarious. Frankly, I'm just lucky because I HAVE insurance. That doesn't cost more than mortgage every month. Or have a $5,000 deductible. Wow, seriously amazing how different things are.

Lol with that said, I obviously had awful depression post-loss as well (as we've discussed, I was even suicidal for awhile) and I did not find my PPD that bad. I had a touch of it for a week or two and there were some days that were pretty miserable, but it was nowhere near as bad as the post-loss depression and, while a little scary because I was worried about it spiraling out of control, but it stayed relatively mild and went away fairly quickly. So, there's hope! :thumbup:



Starry Night said:


> It had taken a few days of the gentle formula to make a difference (and it did in a BIG way)

You're so lucky! We tried every formula under the sun with LO (really not much of an exaggeration.. I think we tried 7 formulas?) and NOTHING helped. We ended up settling on a gentle formula just because it seemed to make a _tiny_ difference and, on the off chance that it was a stomach problem, we figured it was just nicer to her. :haha: But it really didn't matter for the colic. Do you think she has a milk allergy?


----------



## Starry Night

The thought that she's lactose intolerant has crossed my mind. Right now I'm still hoping it's simply bit of a sensitive tummy and she'll grow out of it. IBS is bit a problem in my dad's side of the family. 

I'm also thinking she's just bit of a fussier baby. There are times she's crying and as soon as I pick her up she is all smiles. Like this morning. :dohh: She also likes to be kept well fed and she definitely eats at the upper limits of the guidelines chart my public health nurse gave me.

Just trying to establish somewhat of a routine with her but know it will be a few more months until that really happens. I feel like we're still in the experimental phase.


----------



## Topanga053

I've been so indecisive lately! I'm currently in a hotel away on business (not sure when I'll be back, but hopefully tomorrow). Part of me is loving it (a hotel! A pool! A clean room! Alone time! No chores!), but the other part of me really, really misses DH and LO and wishes I could be home with them.

Also, CD 35 and still no AF. It's my first natural cycle post-partum, so I didn't know what to expect, but this is longer than normal by several days. I just took another test and BFN. I've had 2-3 days of random spotting/cramping, but nothing else. I have no idea what's going on and I have such mixed feelings about the latest BFN. I just kept staring at it. Part of me really wanted it to be positive, but then another part of me thinks maybe it's just for the best, as caring for LO while we're both working full-time is expensive/stressful and somedays I definitely can't imagine a second one.

Really, I need to stop being so indecisive about EVERYTHING!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga my first cycle pp was 34 days and I was Always a 28 day girl ! I didn't ov till cd 19 . So AF could show up any day now !


----------



## skyesmom

wow Topanga sounds like a great job mission there! but so hard when you actually want to share that comfort with OH and LO as well, despite the fact you're craving some "me time" too!

as for the BFN, i think it's totally normal to have mixed feelings, children are amazing but they also mean a lot of work, physical effort and time, so totally understandable. on top of all, getting a BFP on the first cycle post-partum when your body hasn't even rebooted once properly after giving birth can be a bit scary, like no break between two pregnancies sort of.

as for us - ovulating now, i can really tell, but OH is away on a trip this week so we'll miss out on this month. but considering we'll travel in a few weeks and then my GP and my OB/GYN are both away on holidays (august is such a dead month here).. i'm almost kinda happy we're skipping it. 
i can kinda picture myself freaking out because of flying, not getting an early scan and the blood work the docs want me to have, because they're away, being anxious like hell during our holiday and spending those few days we'll have off work chasing docs and panicking around. 

we travel a lot due to work and i already freaked out enough over the past months (anything from being really sad and disappointed for being apart during the fertile window, to panicking during the tww if my traveling, flying or carrying the suitcase might damage the baby, to feeling incredibly lonely if AF would be late while OH and i were apart)... that i kinda want a break from that. and just really go on a holiday.


----------



## Starry Night

skye - I understand wanting a break from all the "what ifs" that come with TTC. Sometimes a breather helps us gather strength for the next fight.

Topanga - I both love and loathe "me time" that is far away from the family. I've never done an overnight just myself though. I'm always either with the kids or DH. Except when I've been at the hospital. And that's not "me time". That is "poor/woe is me" time. I hope you were able to enjoy the lap of luxury even as you were missing your family.

Going from 1 to 2 is certainly an adjustment but it's slowly getting better as I get used to a new routine. DS still loves his little sister and is often rather smothering in his affection but you can tell he is a little jealous and sad about not getting as much attention as before. He simply takes it out on us rather than her...which is preferable, but still annoying! I am very happy and glad to have two though. They are my life and I feel like we're a complete family. Sometimes I try to picture us with a third but then I get very afraid. I'm not ready to be outnumbered.


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol starry I love the " outnumbered " thought !! They say the biggest adjustment is from one to two !!!!! Three is a doddle lol ;)


----------



## Topanga053

Skye, I completely hear you on the anxiety of TTC while traveling. None of this is easy!!

Afm, CD42 and still nothing. DH asked last night if I had POAS recently, so I did this morning and BFN. I'm sure my body is just figuring out what to do now that it's not pregnant or on birth control, but this is crazy! Lol thankfully now it's just a passing entertainment. A year ago this would have been driving me CRAZY and probably making me cry. At least now it's just entertaining. Anyway, still really curious to see what's going to happen and when!!! I've had a few random days of spotting and a few days of cramping, but that's it.

How's everyone doing??


----------



## Starry Night

How long have your cycles been back? I think it's fairly typical for it to take a few cycles for things to get back to normal. After my last miscarriage I had one 50 day cycle before getting pregnant next time out and my other miscarriages had multiple short cycles (about 18 days) before getting pregnant. After my son I had a few long, irregular cycles before settling to 40 day cycles.

Actually, what is odd is that before I became pregnant with DS I almost NEVER had regular cycles of any kind. When TTC#1 I tracked my cycles to be anything between 26 and 43 days with no pattern whatsoever. Even after my other miscarriages I have always returned to 40 days to the day. I wonder what my new normal will be. No AF yet as of yet. But I just stopped my post partum bleeding a week ago. 

afm - doing OK. Having more and more good days but I can't let my guard down because then I relapse. Really, my anxiety is much worse than my depression and it's hard not to get paranoid about everything. It's not hard to convince me my kids are dying or we will lose all our money and be begging in the street. 

I'm not used to anxiety taking the front seat. I've always dealt with panic attacks and depression but depression had always been my biggest battle and my anxiety expressed itself more along the lines of feeling nauseous or worrying about being sick and was only very occasional. This INTENSE sense of paranoia is so new to me and I have yet to develop ways to cope.


----------



## skyesmom

Starry anxiety can be quite paralyzing so i totally get you for not letting your guard down just yet. dealing both with that+depression is an extreme task, plus two babies, you are really a trooper!!

by the way, have you ever tried hypnosis for that matter? i know it sounds a bit off the wall but i know people who have quit smoking in this way (and they swear by it all of them), and two of them claim they are way less anxious since.

no big news here, except that both OH and i can't wait to head off for some vacations this weekend!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry you have just put words on how I have been feeling the last couple of weeks !! I'm normally a very optimistic positive individual! The type that would drive ya Barmy . But lately I've been fighting a feeling in the pit of my stomach that everything will fall apart and go wrong . I can't shake it ! Its not debilitating but a new feeling for me . And before whenever I've had it there has been an identifiable reason ie lost my job etc now there is no reason !! I'm putting it down to adjusting to being a mum . Before I only ever had to worry about me and now I've this huge responsibility for another little person so if things go wrong they go wrong for him too . Writing this its helping putting words on it :) this being a mum thing is full of surprises :)


----------



## Topanga053

I started birth control as soon as my post-partum bleeding stopped and was regular for a month or two on that. I stopped and a few weeks later had a period and now I'm 40 days out from that last period. So interesting to hear how your cycles changed... I'm sure my body is just figuring things out and will settle down eventually.

As far as the anxiety, I completely understand. A few months before our wedding, DH and I had a huge fight (after a series of fights we'd been having... long story) and I went home very upset. My parents told me to call off the wedding and break up with him. We ended up working everything out and my parents like DH again, but it was really traumatic for me and I spent the next year dealing with panic attacks and severe anxiety, terrified that DH and I weren't meant to be together and that we would eventually get a divorce. I ended up going to therapy for it and finally worked through the anxiety.

Anyway, DH and I have been really snippy at each other the past several weeks. We both have very stressful jobs and we're both in a period in our jobs where there's even more pressure than normal (DH is in sales and is being pressured into working even more hours and selling even more and is worried about job security and my job is highly political right now, so there's a lot of media attention and it's very contentious and uncomfortable right now). And of course we have a newborn at home and a new house that we're still trying to finish, so money is flying out the door left and right. We're not getting a lot of relaxed time together (we usually walk every night and cuddle a lot, and recently every night has been cleaning, taking care of the baby, and trying to get things taken care of around the house ASAP so contractors can come in and finish some projects), so we've been pretty short with each other as a result. We're working on it, but it's been difficult and our relationship just isn't quite where it normally is. And so that has brought back all of that anxiety from years ago. I find myself randomly having a panic attack that we're going to get divorced or that our marriage is also going to be like this now. Of course, it's silly and we're really making a conscious effort to be nicer, now that we've realized we've been snapping at each other. But I think it's going to take awhile for these anxiety attacks to go away again. 

So, I hear you girls!! Starry, have you thought about therapy? Therapy was REALLY successful for my anxiety. I learned how to identify the anxiety-provoking thoughts earlier and earlier (it's amazing how long you unconsciously ruminate before the thoughts even become fully conscious!!!) and that eventually stopped the anxiety all together.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga your so right therapy is amazing .i trained a a psychotherapist and had to attend therapy for full 3 years . Its wonderful and I'm thinking I could do with a top up . Having a baby brings with it so many changes ! It would be good to talk through them :) 

I hear yo about the busyness of life these days and how it all effects our relationships . Me and the oh are rarely in bed awake at the same time now !!! Which makes b'ding a challange ;) we need to bring back romance lol...... Its all part of the journey and nobody tells you these bits ! I feel better having acknowledged I'm feeling anxious OUTLOUD with others it takes some of the power of it away :)


----------



## Starry Night

I wouldn't mind therapy but only if our health care would cover it. Money is still so very tight. DH has only just gotten his first paycheck from his new job and the company won't start benefits until after a year. I am really disappointed it will take that long. Where I used to work the wait was 3 months. But the boss said he had employees quitting as soon as they were able to take advantage of the benefits.

During the day I'm mostly OK but at night it's awful. I wouldn't mind meds, but once again, the cost is a real factor. I want to go for more walks but the mosquitos are so bad. And I do mean BAD that I feel trapped inside. DS already looks like he has the measles, he is so absolutely covered in bites and mosquito nets are not effective against that many. :( I feel like the circumstances are just piled up against me right now.

Topanga - I hope the stressors ease up soon. I remember my friends warning me that the first year after a baby is the hardest on a relationship and I found that to be really true for us after DS and now again after DD. Even as a SAHM it's tough to find that quality time as babies take up so much time and energy. I really feel for you guys in your situation.

After my son was born I would cry every time I heard a break up song on the radio--I was that convinced our marriage was headed for divorce. I kind of feel that way again. Hormones can do a lot. They stick around longer than they should, IMO.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> I wouldn't mind therapy but only if our health care would cover it. Money is still so very tight. DH has only just gotten his first paycheck from his new job and the company won't start benefits until after a year. I am really disappointed it will take that long. Where I used to work the wait was 3 months. But the boss said he had employees quitting as soon as they were able to take advantage of the benefits.
> 
> During the day I'm mostly OK but at night it's awful. I wouldn't mind meds, but once again, the cost is a real factor. I want to go for more walks but the mosquitos are so bad. And I do mean BAD that I feel trapped inside. DS already looks like he has the measles, he is so absolutely covered in bites and mosquito nets are not effective against that many. :( I feel like the circumstances are just piled up against me right now.

Oh Starry, that's rough. That's really awful that his benefits take that long to kick in... completely unfair. Are there any other options where you're from? Any public assistance or sliding scale therapists nearby that would be more affordable?? I hope you've been feeling ok the last couple of days!!



Starry Night said:


> Topanga - I hope the stressors ease up soon. I remember my friends warning me that the first year after a baby is the hardest on a relationship and I found that to be really true for us after DS and now again after DD. Even as a SAHM it's tough to find that quality time as babies take up so much time and energy. I really feel for you guys in your situation.
> 
> After my son was born I would cry every time I heard a break up song on the radio--I was that convinced our marriage was headed for divorce. I kind of feel that way again. Hormones can do a lot. They stick around longer than they should, IMO.

We're doing much, much better. Both of our jobs got better in the last week, so neither one of us has been as stressed and grumpy, which has been wonderful.

In other news, today is CD52 and no sign of AF, but I got another BFN this morning, so who knows what's going on. If AF doesn't show by about CD60, I'll probably call the doctor, just to see. I don't really know what she can do, but I also want to make sure that nothing is wrong.

We're still trying to sort out TTC#2. We both go back and forth constantly. Last night, we both thought LO was enough and we were leaning against #2. DH even said he was scared to think that I could be pregnant again and if I wasn't, that he wanted to start using protection again. Then this morning I got a BFN. I was kind of sad (and getting more sad as the morning goes on, honestly). I called DH and told him. He said that last night he was terrified that I would be pregnant again, but now that it's a negative, he's actually really sad that I'm not. So we just can't make up our minds! The original plan was to NTNP/TTC for ~6 months (maybe a little more) and then stop if nothing happened. We'll have to talk tonight to see if that's still the plan. We both change our minds daily, so I really don't know what we're going to do. I know it's early, but we're both such Type A planners that it really bothers us to not know what we want! :haha:

How's everyone else doing???


----------



## RedWylder

Doing super good here. Pipes is almost 4 months old and really hitting the fun yet fussy stage. She smiles and interacts a lot more but is also really cranky at certain times of the day.

Sorry about your BFN. Those are always hard to handle and come with so much history and bad feelings that it must be hard to handle. Sort of reminds you of the time when every blank test was a kick in the gut. On another note, I heard that your period can go and come after pregnancy and not be completely regular straight away especially if you're breastfeeding? Had your cycle come back to normal already?


----------



## Topanga053

So glad to hear things are going well with Piper, Red! I know exactly what you mean. Lauren is SO interactive now, but there are times (7:45am and 7:30pm) that I KNOW she's going to be fussy! In her case, it's usually just because she's tired. How big is Piper now??

No, my cycle hadn't come back to normal yet. I started taking birth control right around the time my post-partum bleeding stopped. My cycle was normal for the 1-2 months I was on birth control and then I stopped the pills mid-cycle (~52 days ago) and nothing since. I've heard the same thing that irregular/anovulatory cycles can be common after birth. Part of the problem is that DH and I have been... *ahem* NTNP continuously, so even if I didn't ovulate last month, but I ovulated recently or will ovulate soon, I won't know what's going on until AF or a BFP shows up. It's not a big deal (and it's been nice to not bleed!), but it is getting a little bit old now. I never thought I'd say that I was ready for AF to show! :haha:


----------



## Starry Night

I'm doing better over here. A lot more good days but still keeping watch for triggers. I had a huge relapse last week which scared me but then AF started and I felt better again. I guess it was just severe PMS. Though this first AF is being really weird. It's been MUCH lighter than usual and very spotty. It starts and stops at random. I feel gross and bloated like I normally do on my period so I think it's real AF and not more post partum bleeding. Today should be the last day going by my usual 7 day flows but I've often had 10 day periods after my miscarriages so we'll see what happens.

Hannah has started to form a horrible habit of snacking. She's on the bottle so that shouldn't be happening as much. She routinely clusterfed in the evenings and I was OK with that but the past few days it's been getting worse and worse. She now wants to take 1 ounce every hour--and even then it takes her half an hour to take that ounce. I'm know I'm supposed to feed on demand but I can't revolve my life around feeding her. Not with a toddler who needs attention too and a house to care for. So today I'm cracking down and playing "mean mummy". I'm making her wait the full 2 to 2 1/2 hours for her next bottle. I've also switched to a faster flow of nipple to see if that helps. She is doing better at nights for the most part. Enough for me to feel sane at least. 

And she can at least cope with CIO. It only takes her about 10ish minutes to self-soothe even from a tantrum. We could never have gotten away with that with DS. We tried once or twice and he would scream the house down for hours even after we picked him up again. But she also screams more readily so it starts to feel like "crying wolf" after awhile. DS only cried when he was really upset about something.

Topanga - it can be confusing to decide whether or not to continue TTC. DH and I had decided entering this pregnancy that this would be our last attempt whatever happened. Now that Hannah is here I feel somewhat confused too though still standing firm on my decision (for now!:haha:). I'm sorry you're feeling sad about the bfn. :hugs: I don't know if that's a 'sign' you should pursue TTC#2 or not but seems to indicate enough of a desire to at least keep up with NTNP for now. 

And it might be worth seeing a doctor why there hasn't been any sign of AF yet if it doesn't show in the next week or so. Everyone is different but I would find it frustrating if it took half a year for my cycles to return to normal.

Red - I'm glad that things are going well with Piper. I think the crankiness at certain times of the day kind of sticks around for awhile but it does become less pronounced. They do outgrow it eventually. Each child is different.


----------



## skyesmom

Hey lovely ladies!

so nice to read your updates! and so nice to see how both Topanga and Starry are heading on less bumpy roads now in terms of stress :) so nice to read the good news updates!

and Red - can't believe Piper is already 4 months old! where did the time goooooo?????

afm - OH and i are still on vacation this week and decided to go "offline" the last week too so soooooooo nice :)))) just logged in briefly to check on my emails and saw there were posts here - so i had a little evening drink with you girls :)

and OH and i SO needed this break just for us, far from work and other people as well (no bad feelings for our friends or family, just you know, we needed some US time and we managed even to forget about the NTNP!!! unbelievable!!)... it's been a real godsend!! even just the superlazy long mornings in bed where no one wants to get up even to have breakfast. after hectic overworked days, traveling apart, missing ovulation days for that and getting paranoid about NTNP... aaaahhh. these moments are priceless.

lots of love to all of you ladies!!! and to your little rainbows too!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Sounds wonderful Skye those times are so wonderful :)


----------



## RedWylder

That does sound wonderful skye. I hope you are enjoying your summer. That's how I got preggo...just stopped and enjoyed the moment. :)


----------



## RedWylder

It's quiet on here which is fine. But I do hope that Skye and Cari will update when their magical news finally comes. :) Fairy dust your way ladies!


----------



## skyesmom

of course i will!!!! you ladies will be among the first ones to know!! :) :) 
no big news or surprises from our holiday love days, but it's ok!

btw, it looks like OH is going to get a little promotion in autumn which ain't too bad considering our plans :) :) maybe our angel decides to drop down from the cloud once that is done ;)


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi red , Skye all :) yup it is quiet on here . How is everyone doing . How are your red ? How is motherhood treating you ? Would love a recent pic :)


----------



## Starry Night

skye - it's definitely important to have a little vacation just for you. DH and I spend most of our vacation days and resources to go see relatives and sometimes I just get sick of them. LOL I am desperate for a getaway that is just for us. I've been trying to look up things to do on a budget but it's tough with two little ones especially as DD is still too little for camping (next summer will be different though) and there aren't any touristy destinations where I live. The Canadian prairies are boring!!!! The only thing to do is either camping or renting a cabin. Neither are really going to work for us this year. Oh well. Last summer, after my last m/c, dh and I did the 8 hour drive to Mall of America just the two of us. That was just wonderful. This summer my parents went to the west coast to see my cousin get married and my mom was telling me about their trip to Whistler (a ski resort town in the Rockies) and I was just so jealous.

Other than that, doing OK. My PPD comes in waves but overall feels more manageable. DD is starting to STTN and is napping better than DS did at this point and it is really helping with her crying. She smiles and plays a lot more now. On my bad days I have a hard time connecting with her or feeling any interest in her. It's a bit rough especially as I don't ever have those feelings about my son. Blah. And I finally got put on iron pills and had my iron levels rechecked. They're almost at normal now. It's so nice that I stumbled across this doctor at my local clinic who has been taking an active interest in me and following up with me. The public health nurse has been doing the same. Having support for my PPD really makes all the difference, I think.


----------



## skyesmom

awww Starry so sweet to hear your DD is doing better now, and sleeps and smiles more!! sounds like you're getting out of the worst post-birth tunnel!

and don't beat yourself up if you can't connect to your DD on some days. that's the "joy" of the PPD, actually the most common one. It probably strikes you more with two LOs to take care of rather than only one, plus your son was your first rainbow so maybe that's why it's getting you more than the last time.

we're back to work here but it all feels a bit more relaxed :) 

taking vacations as a free lancer is almost impossible - it gives you a lot of flexibility BUT nobody pays you for that so... it's kinda hard to leave your computer away and detach from it. you really have to kind of draw a line of: i'm out of office until... as people are kind of used to you being available 24/7 at any cost. ahhh well!!!

so far so good :)

how are all of you girls doing? Topanga, Rayray, Carey..?


----------



## Topanga053

Skye, so glad to hear your vacation went well and you're more relaxed now!!

Starry, I can relate. I had a hard time bonding with LO at first. I remember carrying her up in the hospital just hours after she was born and just wanting to throw her down, i was so tired and sore. It's an awful feeling. I finally admitted that to DH for the first time a few days ago. It's tough coping with apathy or negative feelings toward your kids. :hugs:

Afm, things are going well. AF came a week ago, which was nice to finally know what was going on. LO has a fever since yesterday. Poor thing. It's so heartbreaking and scary to see her so uncomfortable. 

Otherwise, just same old, same old here! 

How's everyone else??


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, I hope your LO feels better soon. I remember the first time DS became sick with a high fever. I had to call my mom and have a good cry. I so wished I could have traded places with him. I stayed up the whole night and watched him sleep. 

I'm glad you know what's going on with your body now and I hope things regulate soon.

afm - other than it being so sticky and hot out we're all good. We have a window-box air conditioner but it really only cools the living room and sometimes the kitchen. The bedrooms are like saunas right now and I have the ceiling and room fans going all day and night. Even our basement is hot and sticky. It's not normally like that here--at least, not for this long.


----------



## RedWylder

Left wonderin said:


> Hi red , Skye all :) yup it is quiet on here . How is everyone doing . How are your red ? How is motherhood treating you ? Would love a recent pic :)

It's all going really well. It's not easy by any means and I miss my old life often but then I look at Piper and she grins at me and all is right in the world. Here's a new one of Pipes.


----------



## skyesmom

being overwhelmed by the broodiness and craving for the baby today :/

i just don't know what's up with me, but i literally woke up today and the first thought in my mind was "i want a baby". i actually had to bite my tongue real hard not to say it out loud in order not to freak the OH out!

and the longing for my angels then hit in full power. also it didn't help that MIL called and told OH the SIL and her OH are now trying... she didn't mean anything bad and definitely didn't mean to step on our wounds, if she didn't mention it, the SIL would have (MIL wasn't pushy and that wasn't the main reason of her call, she said it just as a side thing but still i think it has triggered me a bit).

oh well. i'll be all right.


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs:

Grief is a cyclical process. It doesn't tie up neatly in the end like some would imagine. You have good days and think you're moving forward and then something can trigger it and bring the emotions flooding back. And it's natural to be overwhelmed by our desires for a baby. As you said, the feelings do pass in time.

I hope you get your rainbow soon. :hugs:

Red - I don't think the attachment worked but I'm sure Piper is growing to be quite the pretty lady. And I think it's normal to miss aspects of our lives before having kids. Whenever I feel that way I have to remind myself it won't be long before my kids will be "too cool" for me and eventually move away and I'll miss the days of their dependence on me. But can I please take a shower, a cup of hot coffee and have a day off from diaper duty??

afm - here is my little Hannah
 



Attached Files:







IMG_4150.jpg
File size: 37.6 KB
Views: 5


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh starry she has gotten so big and even cuter :) simply she is beautiful and well worth the wait :) 

Skye your feelings , all of them are 100% natural . I would be worried if you didn't have days like that . This journey to motherhood ain't easy sometimes :( I like starry really really hope your rainbow is not far away xxxxxxxx you will make a great mum x 

Red yup there are days or moments when you think mmmmm I'd kinda like the freedom to do that lol... Like last weekend my sister heading out on the town , was a bit green !! But wouldn't change a thing :)


----------



## RedWylder

woops here it is. https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/DSC_0015_zpsa8b3dbcc.jpg


----------



## Left wonderin

What an absolute dote :)


----------



## Topanga053

Aww so cute, everyone! And since we're sharing photos, here's a new one of Lauren, just a few days after turning 6 months!

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/86D24802-95E0-412C-9B05-B32540EC43D4_zpsb8bzd70k.jpg


----------



## Topanga053

Skye, I just read up a few more posts. I am so sorry you're having a difficult time today. :hugs: This journey is so heartbreaking and like Starry said, small things can bring it all back. Where are you guys now in terms of TTC? You're in my thoughts a lot.


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, such precious little ladies. Piper and Lauren are just beautiful!


----------



## skyesmom

omg girls your little girls are amazing and they have all gotten so big! Hannah and Pipes and Lauren <3 so sweet!

i can't believe Pipes & Lauren are already 4 and 6 months old!

afm, feeling better today. it's been just very hard hearing that there may be another baby in the family before our comes. our angel would have been the first on both sides. 
i know this is stupid and silly to long for and kind of a selfish thing to think, but sometimes i can't help it. It's not that i think "i hope they don't conceive before us" - the last thing we need in our family are more losses and painful waitings and all that. 
the thought is "if our angel baby were alive, they would have been the first born in the family and gotten all the extra attentions the very very first borns get."

i know it's a stupid additional thing to long for but when these moments come, they hit with full power so...

...we're not TTCing in terms of temping and stuff, we do check when my ovulation should be but we're not timing the intercourses as we both find it extremely damaging for our relationship, our sex life and us personally. I'm not temping as i'd get obsessed over it. it really helped us to step away from it.

OH shifts between being very very warm about having a baby to going again to the cold feet phase and back to the warmth again... me, well i'm constant. there are days when i am absolutely overloaded with work and think how will i ever manage it with the baby, or just think it wouldn't be possible like this if i had a baby right now, but then i also know i am working WAY too much and that taking more time for other things is actually healthy and needed.
and even with this kind of workload, the wish is still there.

oh well. but thanks so much for listening to my rants, i really really needed to vent and this is the place i feel most comfortable with. sure, i have friends in real life to whom to talk to but none of them had losses and my closest two don't even want children at all so... they do understand as much as they can. i always tell them: It's like when you are really really hungry, and both your body and your mind have only one wish that takes over and it's food. and having to wait for it is like telling to a starving man that he'll eat in the next few months.

...so thank you ladies, you have been SUCH an incredible support over these months!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Skye that's so tough ! And a great comparison with the starving man . That says it all . Its an overwhelming feeling sometimes I remember after my loss having to work really hard somedays to stop it from taking over . For me throwing everything at ttc was how I got through it . It was tough and took alot of spontaneity out of our relationship but its what I needed to do . Oh got a little overwhelmed by it but let me get on with it . He didn't have a choice ! Lol... 
Its great that you know what works for you and hubby , its also great that most of the time your on the same page :) 

It also used to help me getting together with friends who didn't have children and having FUN , forgetting all about ttc and anything baby related even for a few hours . It reminded me that there is a whole wor ld out there outside of babies and ttc . 

Its so hard Hun I hope with all my heart that your special rainbow is not far away . Sorry if you have said already have you had any testing done ?


----------



## Starry Night

Skye - I'm with Left, the starving man comparison is so apt. It just sort of takes over and even when you do your best to ignore that desire and need, it is still gnawing away at the back of your mind. I never temped either for the same reason: I knew I would become obsessed. And opks were just too costly for me to even bother.

And I understand wanting to be first. I had no chance at having the first grandchild (both my brother and BiL had kids before DH and I even became an item) but with last loss I was due to have a Christmas baby and then after I lost him I found out my brother and his wife were expecting a baby shortly after Christmas too. I would have loved to have my child be older and come first. Now, once again, my child would be younger (I also miscarried the last time my SiL was pregnant...fun times). Last year I twice announced pregnancies before she did but with my rainbow coming after her I felt like a "tag-a-along". It's so petty and silly and illogical but that's just how I felt. And I often wonder if she felt like I stole her thunder by having a pregnancy work out for once so everyone was so happy for me that they didn't give her as much attention. She never said anything about it though.


----------



## skyesmom

ghhhhhh OH is getting the cold feet again.

and i really really can't take it. on one hand, i understand it's been a lot we've been through and that he's tired and maybe even wants to get some stuff finished career-wise now (wasn't an option before but now the occasion is there and since we still don't have a baby on the way, he thinks why the heck not and i can't really blame him).

on one hand, i'd love to be supportive and understanding, i get the pressure takes its toll on people, and i also feel his urge to accomplish something work-wise, so at least he gets THAT satisfaction as there's no LO here yet, but...

...on the other hand it's killing me. every time we talk of postponing it again, i feel like am re-losing my angel again. like i have to say goodbye to the whole idea of motherhood again. i've been there already and it has taken a lot of emotional strength to open up to the idea and the hope again that one day i might have my baby.
saying goodbye to it would mean building that wall around me again and not wanting to get out to get hurt once more.

i am also afraid i'll become resentful to the OH and that it will damage our relationship. i also feel selfish for not being supportive of his new career goals. sure, it would do us good financially but i couldn't care less about that extra money now. sure, it would be great to have it when the baby is there. but it is his career not mine.

but i really feel as if as soon as i get anyhow close to this dream come true and to the arrival of my rainbow here, it just slips away just for those few damn steps so that i can still see it and smell it but i won't reach it.

what i also find damaging that also when we weren't NTNP, we weren't using contraception for the full length of my cycle, but only during ovulation week. for those months i always wondered what if, and secretly hoped for a miracle and wondered could i maybe, just maybe be pregnant.

i think i wouldn't be able to deal with this kind of semi-deal now. decide not to try for a while but still leave an option for it to happen by accident. i don't want my rainbow to be an accident. 

does this sound selfish? it's just a bit too much to bear for me at the moment. i'd go nuts thinking what if and have we maybe conceived by accident just to lose hope every cycle that passes. and i'd be as well angry and pissed if i did get pregnant like this after all this time and waiting and longing and losses and pain.

sorry for the rant ladies but i really need to get it out somewhere.


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye does oh know how you really feel . I think its really difficult for men to understand how we feel about ttc , that it is a physical urge and not something that you can switch off or " make go away " its a biological thing ! My oh is not too on a second baby and would be quite content with one . I had to try explain to him its a pysical need ! He smokes and has tried to give up umpteen times but failed . I tried to explain to wa slide someone telling him he could never smoke again that physical yearning ! 

When ntnp can I ask why you used condoms the week it was most likley to happen ? That to me is preventing ( I'm sorry if im being rude or too prying ) sounds to me like its time for a big heart to heart . You are being very understanding of your oh wishes and feelings , his needs in terms of carear , does he know just how important ttc is for you or have you dampened down your feelings to him to accommodate his needs and wants right now ? I only ask this as it is what I do sometimes , oh come s first but sometimes I end up resenting him for it when it was my decision . Example oh didn't want to go to wedding as sporting event on , I was understanding said ok and then ended up taking it out on him only for him to say well if you had told me you really wanted to go I would ! 

Maybe you have had an honest conversation with oh but if you haven't I really think you would benifit from it , even if it allows your oh to make decisions based on all the information. Its so important to have " the conversation " . Xxxxxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Don't forget your dreams are equally important has your oh xxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

Left, thank you so much for your understanding and your post. yes, you are right, my wishes are as important as his. 

he doesn't get the whole biological urge thing, it's a remote thing to him and doens't smoke or ever smoked so the only thing i can compare it to is when he's really really hungry and no food around.

we were using condoms during the ovulation before we decided to NTNP actively, which was in february this year. we were initially obliged to wait after our loss for 3 months and then we used only protection, those few times we ever dtd, they were absolutely the hardest, mentally, emotionally, physically.

then we both decided to wait until we healed a bit, i was severely depressed for a while and despite wanting a baby so badly, i didn't want to conceive and get pregnant in that state. 
so come autumn 2013 and then we agreed on NTNPing from 2014 and on. 

i consciously postponed the NTNP/ttc thing until i felt better myself, and my therapist agreed it was the best thing to do for me and for my future rainbow - less risk of PPD and also less risk of being an overly panicky doting overwhelming obsessive mom (my own inner knowing).
yet it was the toughest thing to do, i longed for my lost angel and having him back every day of that year. but i needed my time to grieve and i took it. OH as well.

but now it's not a matter of old grief, now it's more like... laziness. i don't know. i'll sit him over the next few days and we'll have the talk.

i don't really think he understands my feelings but on the other hand, i don't want to "beg" for a baby or to push him in the fatherhood. i want our baby to be made because we both want them from our whole hearts. otherwise it's really no joy for me.


----------



## Topanga053

skyesmom said:


> ghhhhhh OH is getting the cold feet again.
> 
> and i really really can't take it. on one hand, i understand it's been a lot we've been through and that he's tired and maybe even wants to get some stuff finished career-wise now (wasn't an option before but now the occasion is there and since we still don't have a baby on the way, he thinks why the heck not and i can't really blame him).
> 
> on one hand, i'd love to be supportive and understanding, i get the pressure takes its toll on people, and i also feel his urge to accomplish something work-wise, so at least he gets THAT satisfaction as there's no LO here yet, but...
> 
> ...on the other hand it's killing me. every time we talk of postponing it again, i feel like am re-losing my angel again. like i have to say goodbye to the whole idea of motherhood again. i've been there already and it has taken a lot of emotional strength to open up to the idea and the hope again that one day i might have my baby.
> saying goodbye to it would mean building that wall around me again and not wanting to get out to get hurt once more.
> 
> i am also afraid i'll become resentful to the OH and that it will damage our relationship. i also feel selfish for not being supportive of his new career goals. sure, it would do us good financially but i couldn't care less about that extra money now. sure, it would be great to have it when the baby is there. but it is his career not mine.
> 
> but i really feel as if as soon as i get anyhow close to this dream come true and to the arrival of my rainbow here, it just slips away just for those few damn steps so that i can still see it and smell it but i won't reach it.
> 
> what i also find damaging that also when we weren't NTNP, we weren't using contraception for the full length of my cycle, but only during ovulation week. for those months i always wondered what if, and secretly hoped for a miracle and wondered could i maybe, just maybe be pregnant.
> 
> i think i wouldn't be able to deal with this kind of semi-deal now. decide not to try for a while but still leave an option for it to happen by accident. i don't want my rainbow to be an accident.
> 
> does this sound selfish? it's just a bit too much to bear for me at the moment. i'd go nuts thinking what if and have we maybe conceived by accident just to lose hope every cycle that passes. and i'd be as well angry and pissed if i did get pregnant like this after all this time and waiting and longing and losses and pain.
> 
> sorry for the rant ladies but i really need to get it out somewhere.

What does he want to do career wise that he thinks he can't do when there's a baby here? I only ask because I know it can be difficult to juggle everything, but OH and I both have pretty demanding careers. As an example, it's not the norm, but I've worked 10-11 hour days (which means I'm gone from the house for 12-13 hours, since I have a 1.5-2 hour total commute each day) every day this week and will have to do that next week as well. It's meant that OH has to be home on time and has to take care of LO and put her to bed himself since I'm not home until after she's already asleep. Similarly, OH has plenty of days where he has to leave early/come home late and I have to care for LO. It's not always ideal, but you make it work.

And no, I don't think it's selfish of you at all. You want what you want and you're perfectly entitled to that! 



skyesmom said:


> i don't really think he understands my feelings but on the other hand, i don't want to "beg" for a baby or to push him in the fatherhood. i want our baby to be made because we both want them from our whole hearts. otherwise it's really no joy for me.

I can relate to this, since DH was often very lukewarm about the idea of having a baby. He got cold feet a lot and really only continued TTC because I would pretty much FREAK. THE. HELL. OUT. if he even mentioned stopping. It bothered me a little bit that I was "forcing" him to have a baby, but I needed a baby like the air I breathed and I truly thought he would like it once she was here. Part of me thought it took the romance/joy out of the experience, but I pushed anyway.

Now? I'm so glad I did. DH ADORES her. Just this morning, she was on her belly, trying to crawl (she kicks out her arms and legs, but can't move yet... so cute) and DH got on his hands and knees, and crawled around her, going, "Lauren, look at Daddy! This is how you do it! You can do it!" And this was the man two years ago who said he absolutely never wanted to have kids. 

My point is, sometimes men just can't envision it. The idea of that extra responsibility and expense and work is scary/tiring, but once that baby is here, they fall in love. Hard. You might not get OH to want it with all of his heart now, but he might come to feel that way once your angel is here. And that might not be ideal, but in the end, that's all that matters. <3


----------



## Starry Night

Skye - I'm with the other ladies. Your dreams and desires matter too. I don't think you'll find very many men who are 100% on board with the TTC train. Most men I know mainly went into it for the sake of their partners. Yet they are the most loving, doting fathers now that their children are here. I had to strong-arm my own DH into TTC and he had always claimed he wanted to have kids some day. But when it came down to it, he started pulling out the excuses of money, career, not the "time" yet, bla bla. I had to point out that kids are expensive--no way around it--and if we waited until we were rich enough, we'd NEVER have kids. There is no perfect time to have them. You work with what you have. We're not rich but we have a roof over our heads, enough to eat and clothes on our backs. I consider my family life very happy and our kids seem very happy. They know they're loved.

And, to put it bluntly, kids are not something you can put off forever. Biology dictates we need to have them by a certain time. And if there is fear that TTC might be a struggle then it doesn't make sense to put it off indefinitely. 

I think some fear is a sign of being a GOOD parent. It means neither he or yourself will be taking the job lightly.


----------



## Left wonderin

I 100% agree with Topanga , its just not the same at all for men . The responsibility and finality of it scares them but once the baby is here they fall hopelessly in love . I find men need a shove in the right direction for alot of things !!!! But once they get there they make like it was their idea ! If you wait for him to want it as much as you do , you might be waiting FOREVER . He will never feel like you do , he can't , he is a man . 

Be kind to yourself and tell oh EXACTLY how you feel and how much you want to fully try . You have a right to feel how you do and maybe you need to take a leaf out of Topanga s book and FREAK every now and again lol.....

Me this time I used tears ( they were real ) I'm still waiting for my answer but I know it will be yes ;)


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga053 said:


> I can relate to this, since DH was often very lukewarm about the idea of having a baby. He got cold feet a lot and really only continued TTC because I would pretty much FREAK. THE. HELL. OUT. if he even mentioned stopping. It bothered me a little bit that I was "forcing" him to have a baby, but I needed a baby like the air I breathed and I truly thought he would like it once she was here. Part of me thought it took the romance/joy out of the experience, but I pushed anyway.
> 
> Now? I'm so glad I did. DH ADORES her. Just this morning, she was on her belly, trying to crawl (she kicks out her arms and legs, but can't move yet... so cute) and DH got on his hands and knees, and crawled around her, going, "Lauren, look at Daddy! This is how you do it! You can do it!" And this was the man two years ago who said he absolutely never wanted to have kids.
> 
> My point is, sometimes men just can't envision it. The idea of that extra responsibility and expense and work is scary/tiring, but once that baby is here, they fall in love. Hard. You might not get OH to want it with all of his heart now, but he might come to feel that way once your angel is here. And that might not be ideal, but in the end, that's all that matters. <3

Topanga, THANK YOU so much for these words. It really helped ease my mind and put things into perspective.

and THANK you Left & Starry for reminding me my wishes count as well.

we talked yesterday and it helped so much. the career thing would require him to travel away for some months and his employers really left a broad window and no time frame when they spoke about it (like, we need you here and there from two to six months some time in 2015. yeah right! and he just said it to me like that as well, as if it were totally ok for him, which really pissed me off.)

i told him i can't really deal with this sort of an impact on our relationship, and also without ANY time frame. sometimes in 2015 can as well mean a year from now and being absent for six months doesn't go with a pregnancy or newborn plans. 2 months fair enough, but half a year... 

...and he agreed, it was actually a bit of a misunderstanding as he just got an offer and just said it very superficially to me, he said he still has to talk to them and will push them for a concrete time plan and time frame of it all, and remind them of our family planning situation as well. this changes the things so so much. 

what really pissed me off was his attitude when he said it, it came through to me as if he was totally OK with this kind of "open" time frame which could easily impact a year and a half of our lives just like that; it looked like he was ready to just play it by ear as his employers say, and that i and our relationship would just need to tag along.

but it isn't so. he also doesn't want this kind of arrangement, turns out he just said it very very superficially and didn't get how it made me feel. i in turn didn't say much then as i was literally shocked by his apparent nonchalance.

so all good - and it was good that we talked clearly on the baby thing. he doesn't crave it the way i do, but he wants to be a father and this is great.


----------



## skyesmom

Left wonderin said:


> You have a right to feel how you do and maybe you need to take a leaf out of Topanga s book and FREAK every now and again lol.....

haha Left i LMAO when i read this :))))))

i'm having hard times realizing that it's a men's thing and that most men need to be strong-armed into it. 
maybe because most of my exes wanted kids, two of them were strong-arming me (but i was way too young then, 22-23 so it was not in my furthest plans by then, i was still doing my post-grads and was TOTALLY freaked out) and the one i've lost my first angel with... well i am sure he must have been a girl in his past life. he was so much into babies, worse then the broody me. not the best partner in the world though, and the relationship turned into hell after the mc.

so not that i regret or anyhow miss any of my exes, it is just that i was used to something different and the OH was the first guy i had a serious relationship with who could have lived the life without kids as well.

(plus this all came as BIL & SIL announced they are trying now, and are all hype & excited about it... and i am happy for them but in this circumstance it made me feel so so alone).

ahh well, all way better now after the talk anyway. and thanks for reminding me men sometimes need some stronger guidance.


----------



## Left wonderin

Somethimes ??????? ALL THE TIME ;) lol...... Im so glad you fell better about the situation :) I hated you being so sad :( xxxxxx remember we are all always here for you xxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

thanks Left! honestly, you girls here are my rock!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi all :) well think its on to September for me ! Tested 11dpo and bfn ! Tbh I would have been completely SHOCKED if it was anything else !!! Got results of my smear back at last .. All clear so we are good to go :)


----------



## Starry Night

Skye - I'm glad you cleared up the misunderstandings with your OH.

Left - good luck with your next cycle. Hope you get that little sibling for your DS! 

When I was waiting to start TTC#1 there were times I felt kind of bitter about the invention of the pill. It was supposed to be liberation for women but it suddenly felt like one more way for men to control our uteruses. They know there is a way to prevent pregnancies and it's not really good for the relationship to sneakily throw away your pills. I still remember my DH telling me I was "allowed" to get pregnant 2 times.:rofl: :dohh: Oh man, we had no idea what was waiting for us around the corner. I did eventually get him to agree to the third child I initially wanted because he finally realized how important it was to me. He's so relieved that I now want two but I honestly haven't 100% made up my mind. Only about 98% sure I'm done. lol That 2% makes him nervous but at least half of that 2% is hormonal broodiness. I would be very scared to see a bfp at this point.


----------



## skyesmom

oh Starry you put that so nicely. Another way to control our uteruses. Because it does feel like an extra slavery, just because it is an OPTION available for us so you kinda feel obliged to. and then it's also your responsibility if it fails. and it is also only our bodies that get affected. and the worst is when you have to take it against your strongest wishes, desires, urges, and dreams.

i was on the pill for a while when i was younger but it didn't do well to my body especially in the long run, too many crappy and demanding side effects, and OH knows it so..... relieved i don't have to think of other excuses not to take it!!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I had bad side effects from the pill too. That's why we're using condoms for now. After a year if we still feel like we're done then DH is getting a vasectomy.


----------



## RedWylder

Left! I didn't know you were officially trying. I remember discussing this awhile back but maybe I missed that you made it official. I'm so shocked. I can't even begin to think about wanting another baby. I still haven't recovered from this one. I know I will eventually but I only want Piper in my life.


----------



## skyesmom

oh LEFT!!!! congrats on your back to the TTC train!!! that's very very brave of you i agree!!! happy to hear all is clear from your doc, now let's see... maybe we'll have more than one rainbow on this thread again lol!


----------



## Left wonderin

I kinda shudder myself when I think of it lol..... But I definetly want a sibling for Sean if at all possible and time is not on my side unfortunately so I don't have a choice but to get going again lol......... 

I know somethimes I think I need my head examined !


----------



## Topanga053

Left- so glad to hear that everything came out ok and you have the go ahead!! :happydance:

I'm not charting or using OPKs, but if my cycle is still the same as before LO, then yesterday was O. We've DTD a couple of times, so we'll see what happens. No pressure either way, so that's nice. 

Starry- we're the same. We've talked very seriously that if we decide we don't want #2 or it doesn't happen for awhile, then DH will probably get a vasectomy. We don't want to make any rash decisions though (and we're still kind of NTNP/TTC now), so it's just something that's on the back of our minds. I'm sure one way we'll probably do it. SOOOOO much easier than taking birth control for the next 20 years!!! I just don't think taking hormones for that long is good for your body. (Just my opinion.)


----------



## skyesmom

i second topanga on the long term hormonal birth control, especially hormonal ones. unless is strictly necessary i'd avoid it at all costs!

and if i'm not wrong, vasectomy is somewhat reversible isn't it?


----------



## Starry Night

I do think they're reversible but I think it may affect fertility. Not sure about though. I know tube reversals do but that is way too intrusive so I'm not doing that. In Canada, I believe our universal health care will cover the vasectomy but to reverse it you have to pay for it yourself as it's not a need. A friend told me she knew someone who got it and it cost about $10 000. Yikes.

Topanga - I agree about the long-term effects of hormone birth control. I was on it for about a year and I felt terrible. Some people use it just fine but it's just not for me. Coming "down" off the drug was actually the worst part for me. It triggered my anxiety and made my PMS signs truly horrible for a few months.

Red - that's how I felt for awhile after DS. It was actually my DH who talked me into TTC#2 and even when I was pregnant the first time after him I was scared I wouldn't love the second baby as much. It's amazing that the love does come and you do love them the same. But for now just enjoy your time alone with Piper. No one says you have to have another baby anytime soon (or ever). Everyone has different ideas about what the ideal age gap is.

afm - PPD is such a roller-coaster ride. It's been miserable again with many tears and explosive outbursts (not at the kids, thankfully) and sulking. I'm counting down the days to my next doctor's visit. I'm starting to seriously consider the medication route now even though it scares me a little with the side effects. I just feel a little desperate. Though I don't really want to be on them long-term so I don't know what my options would be for that.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry my sister had ppd quite badly , she was really reluctant to go on medication at first but after getting to the point of talking about how she could understand why people when they killed themselves took their children with then as life was just so hard and it would save them suffering she got scared and went to the GP. She was on medication for 6 months and was transformed after about 4-6 weeks she had her life back . She also did some therapy for a couple of months . I can't remember her having any major side effects , she did feel nauceous for a few weeks but that settled down.


----------



## Left wonderin

As for ttc I'm very relaxed about it , as much as I would really love another I am of the view if it happens it happens if it is not ment to be well so be it . I will be forever thankful for being given the joy of motherhood and pregnancy . It is not something I will ever take for granted . And if I only ever have Sean it will be more than I ever dreamed of x


----------



## Starry Night

I could handle 6 months. I just don't want to be on them for years. Thanks for that. Needed to hear a positive story.


----------



## Topanga053

Left wonderin said:


> As for ttc I'm very relaxed about it , as much as I would really love another I am of the view if it happens it happens if it is not ment to be well so be it . I will be forever thankful for being given the joy of motherhood and pregnancy . It is not something I will ever take for granted . And if I only ever have Sean it will be more than I ever dreamed of x

Yes!! this is exactly how we feel too, Left. We're so grateful to have Lauren and she completes our lives so much that if we don't have another, we can accept that. We're doing the same thing. We figured we'd NTNP/TTC and see where life takes us. If nothing happens, then it's just LO and we're so happy with that. And if we end up being blessed with another one, then we'll be happy with that too! It's really liberating to not be too invested in the outcome! I hope can maintain this calmness! :coffee:


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga I know exactly how you feel !! Don't get me wrong I would be overjoyed to be pregnant again but not devastated if it didn't happen . Does that make sense ?? I hope so . Xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

That makes sense to me. I mean, right now I really don't want to get pregnant ever again but I know if it were to happen by accident I would fall in love right away and want that baby more than anything. Humans are complex beings.

Ugh. Why do I ever visit Mommy blogs and Facebook pages? Why do I keep doing that to myself??](*,) I have a hard time believing that women in real life are really so sanctimonious or hyperbolic. I truly hate that the word "abuse" gets bantered about so lightly. Every form of discipline is "abuse" to somebody. It's silly and insulting to those who are truly, truly being abused. Also wastes social services' time chasing these frivolous accusations when there are children with real needs. But no, mommies who use any form of CIO, give their kids juice, use playpens, or potty train before the kid "wants" to is an "abuser". Really, anyone who doesn't do what THEY do is an abuser.

I would deactivate my Facebook page so I could simply resist the urge of punishing myself but it's the only way I can keep in contact with some of my closest friends. I wish I could turn off the search function.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry im with you they drive me potty !!


----------



## skyesmom

i agree!!! i'm allergic to this insane exaggerated politically correct BS.... because to me it really is just... bulls... (and i think since i live in Switzerland it got a bit worse!!!)

i especially get triggered by the potty training thing... come on. keep changing shitty diapers until your LO can actually say: oh yeah, i really want to use your big loo for the adults mom because now i feel ready??? come on. our generations were out of diapers at least a year earlier than the kids nowadays, 'cause we were all cloth-bummed and the sooner the ordeal was over, the better it was for everybody. 

i now find that diaper companies are you know, pushing for the "wear the nappy as long as you can" thing so they can sell more. in the '80 when they appeared available for the larger masses around the world, there was no such a thing as a nappy for a 3-4 year old.

(sorry if i offended any one of you, but when i read it's child abuse or that you'll leave your child with a "defecation trauma" if you try to potty train them before they're "ready" or BS like "your child is unable to control the anal sphincter until age of 3" i really get triggered. especially to these latter ones, i'd shove them their own childhood pics of when they were three so they can see for themselves that they were nappy-free and trained for a long while, and OMG, don't go through a panic attack every time they dare to take a crap!).


----------



## Left wonderin

I joined a fb group called gentle dicipline , I don't agree with slapping or physical chastisement ( thought this is what the group was about ! ) boy was I wrong !!!! Extremists !!! They don't believe in dicipline at all !!!' No consequences for mos behaviour !! Its all about understanding your child's behaviour related to their emotions which they can't handle and that is what results in misbehaviour . So they do not believe in any form of correction . I got into soo much trouble with some of my comments before I understood what the group was about lol.......


----------



## Starry Night

skye - I agree with you about diaper companies. My brother FINALLY got his DD to use the potty after a year's struggle and she's 4. My mom told us stories of how we practically trained ourselves because we hated being in wet diapers. So we've figured that these days diapers work TOO well and lets kids be lazy.

We've waited until DS was 3 to start training, but mainly because we tried twice the previous year and he just screamed down the house and I was just too big and pregnant to want to chase him and clean up accidents all day. And yeah, it's slow-going! I'm so sick of cleaning up kid-sized turds and he still has no interest in using the potty but I don't care. He's using it! He'll sit on it no problem, but holds it in until he's back in diapers. We want to just switch to underwear as he hates when his clothes get wet (and we encourage that!). But our house is all carpet. I've cleaned up our kitty's accidents once our twice when she was locked in our room all day by mistake and urine is tough, tough to get out. 

Left - that is quite extreme. Children are smart and know how to use their emotions for manipulation. I remember forcing myself to cry to get out of bed at night. Never worked with my parents. Did with the babysitters though. ;) The "I had a nightmare" or "I can't sleep" are such old chestnuts.

And I'm just picturing you innocently sharing an opinion with those ladies. LOL "What I'd do? Was it something I said?" ha ha


----------



## Left wonderin

Yup if they could have lynched me they would !!!! I'd say they were horrified !!!!!


----------



## skyesmom

oh i hear you on the carpet and the urine Starry!! and yes - these new diapers absorb way too much so kids can't really get uncomfortable for sitting in wet diapers. they can't learn as they have nothing that disturbs them, they train because it's something you nag about and not because their own discomfort.

this is the main reason why i'd go cloth, a part from the waste. as much as i can, and as much as it is travel compatible. both OH and i are - rather neck deep in the shit for shorter time, than knee deep for ages :) 

of course, this implies no second pregnancy until potty trained, i can imagine how hard it is to bend over to clean stuff up, when you can't even tie your own shoes!!


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> I truly hate that the word "abuse" gets bantered about so lightly. Every form of discipline is "abuse" to somebody. It's silly and insulting to those who are truly, truly being abused. Also wastes social services' time chasing these frivolous accusations when there are children with real needs. But no, mommies who use any form of CIO, give their kids juice, use playpens, or potty train before the kid "wants" to is an "abuser". Really, anyone who doesn't do what THEY do is an abuser.

I can't STAND this!!! I think DH and I are good parents and yet I constantly find myself thinking, "I bet if anyone could see/hear this right now, they would probably think we're awful parents!" There is so much judgment directed at parents, it's ridiculous.

And the overuse of the word "abuse" drives me crazy. Last fall, one of my good friends from high school was pregnant with her second child. Her first--who is almost 3--is autistic. One of his teachers who comes to their house told her that she was abusive because she locked him in his room for 10 minutes as a "time out" when he hit her or threw the remote control at her!!!! I was so angry! Here is my poor friend who's a heavily pregnant SAHM with a violent special needs child and this woman is telling her she's abusive because she puts the kid in a time out!?? (And by the way, seriously, would an abusive parent pay money to HAVE the teacher at the house in the first place?? I don't think so!!)

Gah. I get so angry every time I think about it. 



Left wonderin said:


> I joined a fb group called gentle dicipline , I don't agree with slapping or physical chastisement ( thought this is what the group was about ! ) boy was I wrong !!!! Extremists !!! They don't believe in dicipline at all !!!' No consequences for mos behaviour !! Its all about understanding your child's behaviour related to their emotions which they can't handle and that is what results in misbehaviour . So they do not believe in any form of correction . I got into soo much trouble with some of my comments before I understood what the group was about lol.......

I can see where understanding your child's behavior can be useful, but understanding the behavior doesn't mean it doesn't have consequences. As an example, I'm a prosecutor, so I have cases where it's clear WHY the defendant broke the law, but understanding WHY they did what they did does not mean that I don't charge them. I understand I'm talking about adults, but I think the principle is largely the same.

And I don't think we give kids nowadays nearly enough credit. I understand there are real developmental milestones (so LO won't understand abstract theoreticals at 1 year old, no matter how hard I try), but IMO, we also baby kids for way too long. Just look at the helicopter parents who do EVERYTHING for their kids, even when their "kids" are in their 20s and 30s!

I just think several decades ago kids were more disciplined, so they're obviously capable of more than we expect now. Just my opinion, obviously!


----------



## Topanga053

Does anyone else still have an odd reaction to pregnancy announcements, showers, etc? 

LO is 7 months, but I STILL find myself getting a twinge of jealousy/sadness at other people's announcements. I don't know if it's because of my loss or because I miss that excitement or because I miss being pregnant. 

I also sometimes still feel a little bitter at how easy it seems for everyone else (I know "seems" is the correct word, since we never really know what's happening behind the scenes!). With the loss and how long it took to have LO and now my cycles being screwed up again, we are NEVER that couple to just have an accident and get pregnant right away and go on to have a healthy baby. And I know that comparatively we are still incredibly fortunate. My own mother had it so much worse and I know how heartbreaking of a process this can be. But when I see other people make announcements, it makes it seem like it was easy for them, you know? And so many of my friends had successful pregnancies after a month or two of trying. I know we're lucky and don't have it that bad, but announcements and showers sometimes bring up some of these old feelings and resentments and sadness.

Anyone else feel that way?


----------



## Left wonderin

Yup ! The green eyes monster comes around when I see others or hear they are pregnant ! I think I have bump envy lol...... I feel a bit robbed of my child bearing years as I was in a relationship for 7 years that ended suddenly , it took me until I was 39 to meet someone I trusted again , so we were and are under significant pressure . Its probably a good thing as I would have ended up with a football team if I could ! 

Like you said we are externally grateful for the blessing out LO is but I definetly have those feelings of jealousy ! I think maybe its all to do with Mother Nature and procreation . Its a irrational feeling especially since we have LO that are only tiny . I think its a biological built in thing to help procreation !


----------



## skyesmom

me, sometimes! 

it is really random though and i think it has to do with how i feel inside more than the news itself. sometimes i am truly genuinely happy and really wish for them in my heart that it all runs smoothly and that they never get to know (especially those who are first time pregnant and have THAT innocence on them that we all got robbed off... there i really think God i hope you get to keep this for good and never get to lose it).

...but there are other times where it really really hits me bad. i don't feel exactly jealous but i feel as if someone has ripped me off my baby again, i throw myself a proper pity-party and feel like i'll forever be only a spectator watching the party from the corner of the room, but will never be able to experience it really myself; and that i'll always get stuck in just being an "auntie" and never a "mommy" (probably the most painful thought).

i think it's normal though, all of it, jealousy, resentment, longing, all of it, because we don't take having children for granted, as we were robbed of that innocence and you never really get to have it again, not even if you get to have 10 successful flawless pregnancies in a row, conceived on the first try with the most amazing, intimate, soul-merging kinda intercourse each time.

oh ladies. it is so so good to have you girls here!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Skye :) you have been MIA ;) how are things with you


----------



## skyesmom

haha i know!! :) :) the real life action has absorbed me completely so less time for the online one, but all good here. 

my body was acting so weirdly lately that i ended up peeing on a stick TWICE this week despite having a period and not feeling pregnant, because of being insanely exhausted, waking up at 6 am STARVING (happened only in my 2nd pregnancy) and produced enough of EWCM to open an all-organic-lubricant factory myself (TMI i know but it was insane). OH insisted to test as he was all suspicious especially when finding me ravaging bananas at 5.30 am in the kitchen (oops!)... 

...nevertheless, got some glamorous BFNs (not surprised though). we'll see what the autumn brings. 
i already feel like getting somewhere when i get to pee on a stick in the first place, it looks like a progress compared to not having any symptoms or nothing unusual at all.

OH was mocking me that by the time we get pregnant we'll be so much in denial that we'll end up on those shows like "i didn't know i was pregnant" lol


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol !!!!!!!! Its great to hear your doing ok :) its good real life takes priority at times lol......


----------



## Starry Night

I do feel a little bit of resentment at times towards people who get pregnant quickly and then have no apparent troubles. I remember being almost angry with my SiL who is an extreme hypochondriac. She was threatening to not let my family be around her baby unless they all got their whooping cough vaccines. Just annoyed me because she's never had any issues at all with pregnancy and she made us bow to her paranoias and I was like "I'll show you a reason to be paranoid".

I haven't heard many pregnancy announcements since DD was born so not sure how I'd feel. The TTC mindset is hard to put behind me though. It's become such a habit!


----------



## Left wonderin

Was just thinking that today !! Its gonna be har to stop being on bnb as I've met sooo many wonderful people who I talk to almost daily !! I'd really miss everyone !


----------



## Left wonderin

We would have to set up a fb group !


----------



## skyesmom

aghhhh i'm not on facebook! but is it against the rules to use bnb to keep in touch and update each other on our rainbows (and rainbows on the way)? or is it more that staying on bnb keeps you in the old "we HAVE to get pregnant right now" mindset?


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone! How are you all? How are all your precious rainbows?

Was reading your recent passages... Sigh... I've had like four pregnancy announcements in the last two or three months....

Just going on with my life finding joy in the simple things.


----------



## skyesmom

Cary!!! so so nice to hear from you!!

here DH & i both entered a full blown "let's throw ourselves into our careers" mode as no rainbow has shown up yet... but it is good, at least i feel i'm working on something and may make an extra dollar or two for that rainbow when it decides to show up!

how have u been? i've missed you around here (and rayray and ilovemyhubby as well, they're also MIA)


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary :) hi :) its so funny as I was just thinking about you ! Someone on another thread is called Cary 8 and it made me think of you then you poped up :)
All is well with me here :) Sean is getting really big and never stops smiling ! I'm heading back to work in 3 weeks time so that will be yet another change :) sending you lots of love x


----------



## Carybear

Thanks so much... Things Are good here we are not really trying 
Anymore. But still hoping each month. Last month I had a period that
Was a full seven days and not one cramp, back ache or bloating. 
I think it was the first full period I had since the miscarriage. 
2 year anniversary is quickly approaching

Skye. So glad to hear things Are going good in your career 
I've missed you all too but I had to take some time. Everyone 
Around me seems to be pregnant. 

Left glad to hear that Sean is doing great and so happy
Praying that your transition to work is smooth


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - thinking of you as the anniversary approaches.

afm - things are going OK. DD is doing really well. She's fussier and more demanding than DS was. I still shouldn't complain as she isn't really high needs. But compared to the happy-go-lucky "isn't the world awesome?" personality of my son, it takes some adjusting to! And she's going through bit of a funk where she doesn't like to be put down or ignored ever. Impossible with a 3YO running around! So I have to put up with the crying.

I'm just thankful that my PPD and Anxiety isn't centred around the day-to-day realities of being a mom. I love being a mom and I love the baby stage. I didn't have as much of a sense of humour as I normally do today though. I was just sick of being puked on, having a baby that cried every time I put her down and a son who just doesn't want to potty train. But I didn't feel overwhelmed either. Just not laughing it off like usual.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry sounds like your house is a busy one lol ;) do you use a sling ? It was my life saver when Sean went through that stage and still helps when is is off form . Good to hear your feeling better :)


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies! :hi:

I had written a looonnng response to everyone on my phone a couple of days ago, but I lost it and I was so mad I just couldn't write it all again that day! lol so now I have a couple of minutes and wanted to touch base!



skyesmom said:


> i think it's normal though, all of it, jealousy, resentment, longing, all of it, because we don't take having children for granted, as we were robbed of that innocence and you never really get to have it again...

THIS! <3 Skye, this really, really sums it up perfectly for me. You are TOTALLY right about being robbed of our innocence and I think that's EXACTLY what it is that I am mourning. Even now, I am sad to see pregnancy announcements because everyone seems so happy and confident, whereas I was terrified during so much of my pregnancy, to the point that I didn't even announce on Facebook when I was being induced because I was terrified of jinxing it. I'm so sad that everyone else seems to have that happy, confident first pregnancy experience. 

But THANK YOU for nailing what I was feeling. I really didn't realize it was the loss of innocence that I was mourning until you said it! Then it just clicked! And knowing what it is that's making me sad makes it so much easier to work through. :hugs:



Carybear said:


> Hi everyone! How are you all? How are all your precious rainbows?
> 
> Was reading your recent passages... Sigh... I've had like four pregnancy announcements in the last two or three months....
> 
> Just going on with my life finding joy in the simple things.




Carybear said:


> Thanks so much... Things Are good here we are not really trying
> Anymore. But still hoping each month. Last month I had a period that
> Was a full seven days and not one cramp, back ache or bloating.
> I think it was the first full period I had since the miscarriage.
> 2 year anniversary is quickly approaching
> 
> Skye. So glad to hear things Are going good in your career
> I've missed you all too but I had to take some time. Everyone
> Around me seems to be pregnant.

Cary, I've missed you so much. I think about you often. I'm so sorry to hear about all of the pregnancies in your life right now. Those are so incredibly painful--at least they were for me. I'm glad to hear that things are going well otherwise. I hope that shifting to NTNP has brought even more peace to your life and I hope that it leads to your BFP soon. I hope you check back in here from time to time. I really do miss you!

Afm, still in my 2nd cycle since the beginning of June. Last cycle was 58 days. Today is CD53. I tested about two weeks ago and BFN. I haven't seen much of a point to testing since, since last cycle was 58 days. 

I'm starting to wonder if I'm even ovulating. Part of me is tempted to start charting, mostly just because I'm so curious since this is new for my body. But charting has never led to anything good for me, so I'm trying to remind myself that it really doesn't matter one way or the other. I wouldn't take fertility meds or anything to jump start my period right now, so what will be will be. 

DH wanted to re-assess NTNP if nothing happens by December, but I said that's not entirely fair if I'm having two month cycles and we don't even know if I'm ovulating. Anyway, we're both pretty laid back about it, so I think we'll just keep NTNP for awhile and see what happens and what my body does. I think we'd both be really happy either way, so we're just letting life take us where it wants to! :thumbup:

Miss all of you!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Topanga :) its great to hear from you :) those cycles are long !! I total understand you not announcing ! I wouldn't put up a ticker in case I jinxed it ! I lived in fear for the whole 9 months !!! me and OH spoke again too and we are actively TTC for the next while. If it happens fantastic , if it doesn't Im kinda ok with that too ( as in I won't fall apart or consider testing or anything ) one was just ment to be if it doesn't happen naturally .


----------



## Carybear

My life is crazy busy (as it always is), but I've really missed talking to everyone. Just finished yet another period, so I'm hoping that this is our month... PMA... I would really like to be pregnant before my second year anniversary of our loss on November 12th...

We have officially passed the fourth year of ttc and now two months into our fifth year. When I think back on how people told us we should wait two years and I laughed saying that we weren't getting any younger and wanted kids right away... Well... God knows what He is doing


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, I'm sorry, I can't remember what you said earlier in terms of using fertility testing/treatment? Are you? Are you considering it? I really hope you get your rainbow BFP before Nov. Everything crossed for you!!! So, so sorry about the newest period.

Afm, no sign of AF and BFN. Today is CD60. Literally, not even spotting. I might call the doctor or give it one more month to see if my cycles go back to normal. 60+ days is ridiculous. Thoughts on if I should call now or wait another month? What would the doctor really do, anyway? I would be apprehensive about taking more hormones since I think that's what CAUSED this problem and I don't think they would do much testing, since we know I ovulate. And I wouldn't want testing anyway. 

I suppose I should just sit back and enjoy fewer periods, but it's a little frustrating!


----------



## Left wonderin

They would probably give you something to kick start your period . Its very frustrating for you !


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies,

Just wanted to vent a minute. Backstory- one of my close friends Catherine was pregnant during my miscarriage.

Anyway, I just ran into a former co-worker at a conference. And she was like, "why don't you guys have any kids yet?? Catherine has has two!!" (Catherine was pregnant again while I was PAL... I talked about that briefly before her). 

I just told her that we had a kid, but it bothered me. It just brought back some of those feelings, you know? I wish I'd told her about the loss, just so maybe she's think a little more carefully about stuff like this next time. I really didn't think about it at the time because I was too busy starting to correct her that we had a kid before she made the second comment and then it would have been weird to go back to that comment, you know?? But I'm really still sad to be reminded that Catherine and I were both pregnant twice at the EXACT SAME TIME, but I only have one living child. Anyway, just a little bummed and wanted to get it off my chest


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga I know exactly how you feel . People never take a second to stop and think !! Maybe its only after you have experienced a loss / fertility issues that you are so concious of it . I would die rather than put someone in a position of having to explain their fertility to me , I'm very sensitive to the subject now.

I don't think we ever forget the pain of a loss , I'm already begining to relive the stages of my first pregnancy . I found out I was pregnant on the 8th of November , started spotting on the 21st of December , was checked on the 22nd and told all good and saw baby with hb ..... 23rd started to bleed and told baby had died . Dnc 24th .......... This time of year brings it all back to me as if it was yesterday.. It still hurts xxxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Its near your anniversary too isn't it ?


----------



## skyesmom

oh Topanga! people can be insensitive, especially if they haven't had losses or fertility issues themselves, like Left said...
...especially that "yet" at the end of the phrase can hurt an extra ton, as if children were just you know, landed in our laps by pink singing storks and all we did was wait and postpone until the right perfect moment comes.

i had those comments from people as well, especially some more distant friends and family members who would come out with: "oh you guys are both over 30 now, you better give some gas to the baby making!"

i swallowed a couple of bitter pool balls before i finally cut one of OH's aunts off with: you know, we actually lost a baby. and before him, i lost another one. and we really wanted to have our first before we turned 30, but it didn't work out.

she shut up, was mortified and apologized later. another friend of mine who didn't know about my losses was the same, almost identical comment about this hurrying up with having children as OMG i ain't in my twenties anymore, and i told her just the same. and she as well was shocked and said she never thought about that possibility at all, and that it never crossed her mind that something like that could happen.
she has 4 healthy kids of her own, so i can't blame her. some people are so blessed without ever knowing it. i sometimes think how they just breeze through their life without ever losing that innocence that we were stripped of, and without ever being aware of it.

i myself also never asked the question "no kids yet?" or "are you planning for a baby?" unless those were REALLY close friends that i knew would share that kind of news with me anyway or that have already mentioned something on the matter. 

and also, i am way more careful ever since i had my losses on making any comments on the topic in general (even the very normal and common "do the twins run in your family?" as well, you know, IVF is also a quite probable reason behind twins, so... it kind of obliges people to say stuff about their struggle to conceive and it sucks).

i just wanna send you a big big hug, to both of you girls... the approaching of the angelversay is always a tough time, no matter how many years go by... and reliving it is both beautifully intimate and devastating process.

:hugs: :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Ah thanks Skye , you describe it so beautifully " beautifully intimate and devastating . I would never ever regret the experience or the short time my LO was in my life . They brought me the greatest joy , a joy I'd never known before , a hope I'd never known before . They taught me about love, compassion and loss . I learned alot about myself and my relationship . My LO was a gift of the best kind and will continue to enrich my life. I love remembering each and every second they were in my life .


----------



## skyesmom

...and Left hits the nail on the head :) as this is exactly how i feel about my LO's. they are the joy that can't be described by words, no matter how bitter and hard the loss was before. they just came and expanded my heart beyond any human means, to where i never could dream it would go. :hugs: :hugs: and this love stays for good <3


----------



## skyesmom

Ladies! it's been so quiet here lately, so i reckon i'll ring you up and ask how you've been doing!

here no big news, you would have already known if there were any :) 

today is october 15th so i also want to wish all of us angel mommies a very special angel mommy day <3 <3 <3


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Skye it sure has been quiet !!! All quiet here :) Sean now has 4 teeth !! I'm back at work uck !! Lol..... We must check in at least weekly ;) would the for this thread to die:(


----------



## skyesmom

i agree!! and OMG Sean has four teeth already??? wow. they REALLY do grow up too fast don't they??
<3 and i don't want our thread to die either! <3


----------



## Topanga053

Hi all! Skye, it's so funny-- it was on my mind to check in here the same way you just did! I keep hoping we'll hear good news from you soon!!!

Left- 4 teeth, wow! Lauren has 2 that are just barrreeeelly poking through.

Afm, I had a doctor's appointment last week, so I mentioned the crazy long cycles. He agreed it was really odd. He tested my thyroid, which was normal, so he consulted w/my OB, so I have an appointment there next week. In the meantime, I've been having a really broody week, while DH is having an anti-Baby #2 week. lol so really, nothing new there!

We also took LO apple picking this weekend and got some great pics! 

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/1381988_846695877864_5150032227370482459_n_zps6720856d.jpg


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol ! She is so cute :) and sitting up sooo well:) I'm sooooooooooo Broody ! Moving onto cycle #4 ttc ...... 4 was always a lucky cycle for me so here is hoping ;) keep us posted re your ob appointment , hope it goes ok . My oh is agreeing to have another but isn't as enthusiastic as first time . Think he would be as happy if we only have one . I on the hand really want another , my main reason is so LO is not all alone .


----------



## skyesmom

oh topanga Lauren is so so SOOOO cute!! and she grew sooo much!! what cutie cheeks :) 

and funny how we both though of the same thing, telepathy is definitely working here :) :) :)


----------



## Topanga053

Left, LO not being alone is DH's biggest reason for even considering a second one, so I hear you there! I promised DH when I was pregnant with Lauren that I wouldn't push him about a second, so I'm trying to uphold that promise, but I don't think I'm doing a very good job this week!!

Cycle #4, wow! I've been off birth control for 5.5 months already, but we're just starting cycle #3 because of how long my cycles have been!!!!


----------



## skyesmom

I really hope you get your second babies ladies... broody dust to your OHs (and to my OH as well!) :) 

topanga those crazy long cycles you have are crazy... did your OB manage to find a reason to that?


----------



## Left wonderin

And I really hope you get your BFP really sooooon x


----------



## Carybear

Hi Ladies! How is everyone? 

Topanga, Lauren is just adorable... So sorry to hear about the long cycles... fx'd for you and left 

Left... I can't believe that Sean has 4 teeth already... You have to put a pic on soon 

Skye... How's it going... Still praying for a BFP for you!

No news here for me,but just wanted to check in. It will be 2 years since the mc on November 12th. Hard to believe. The couple who announced their BFP the same time as our miscarriage has a 15 month already. Hard to believe that I would have one that age. I'm not too broody right now, just accepting what is. 

I miss you all and hope to hear from you all soon!

How is everyone else?


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks Cary. I'm glad to hear you're not too broody and things are going well! It can be difficult to see kids grow up who were born/conceived around the same time as our losses. But I'm glad to see you seem to be doing ok with it. I think about you a lot! How's work going??

Skye- as always, thanks! My OB appointment is this coming Thursday, so we'll see. My thyroid results are normal, so it's not that. I've had some spotting the last couple of days and I'm only like CD12. I NEVER have mid-cycle spotting, so this is all just totally bizarre. 

Anyway, DH has put a halt to NTNP. He's been stressed at work and has decided that NTNP is basically TTC, which he's not ready to do. It caused a big fight because we didn't discuss it first, so it was kind of a nasty surprise when we were DTD and he *ahem* stopped. I'm still not happy about how he went about it, but I'm trying to use it as an exercise in patience and learning to relax and appreciate what I DO have. I'm one of those people who's always on the go and always wanting more, so I'm trying to just really savor the time with LO as she grows up. I also figure that we're still young (I'm 27), so we should have plenty of time to have another one later, if that's what we decide to do. 

I'm also trying to figure out why NTNP is so important to me. Part of it is definitely being broody for #2, but I think part of it is also still very tied in to our loss and the feelings I got when we were finally pregnant. Also, it really hurt me when DH wasn't ready to TTC a couple of years ago, so I think I started to consider it a sign of his love for me when he was ready to TTC. So, I think I equate NTNP/TTC with "my husband loves and trusts me". Telling me he doesn't want to NTNP/TTC and *ahem* pulling out still makes me feel like he doesn't love/trust/want me. I know it's irrational, but the pregnancy (especially after the loss) made me feel SO happy and SO close to him, that it's hard to pull those two things apart now. Anyway, I'm just realizing how many weird feelings/thoughts I have from the loss. They're not rational per se, but they're still pretty strong, so since I don't have a choice, I'm going to try to use this time to untangle all of them. 

I hope that makes sense.

And I say all of this now, but by next week I'll probably be on here ranting about how much I want #2 and how upset I am with DH for refusing to NTNP. :haha: 

How's everyone else??


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary its so lovely to hear from you !!! I love when you check in :) is life still as busy for you ?? You were crazy busy at one point !!! 2 years has gone sooooooo quickly :( are you going to do anything to mark the day ? My date is 22nd December . But this time of year is filled with memory's , day he was conceived , found out on the 8th November , started to spot on the 20th went for scan saw baby and hb all fine , started red spotting 22nd . Another scan baby gone . Dnc 24th December . Its very present this time of year , ill never ever forget and I like to remember as it brings them closer x

Topanga I'd be so cross with oh if he made such a big decision all on his own !!! Men!! Sometimes you just want to strangle them !!!!! Your sooooooo lucky you have time on your side , I wish I could turn the clock back a bit ;) broodiness is no laughing matter !!


----------



## skyesmom

Girls! so lovely to have this thread running lively again :)

Carey - so so great to hear from you! how is your book going? i remember you mentioning you've published one in that crazy busy times earlier this spring?

Left and Carey - i hear you on the anniversaries.. my EDD is in November as well, i consider it my angel's birthday although he wasn't born so... i am rewinding the old films from two years ago again, too. it is insane how much details one can remember, kind of re-living the whole experience again... and i agree, it brings them closer.

Topanga - as far as the DH backing up on NTNP and deciding it like that.. had that happen several times over the last year and woooow... it can really challenge your patience and feelings and all. but you're really dealing with it well - it took me a while to be able to enjoy other things in life when my OH decided he didn't want kids anymore, or has decided to wait for indefinite time.
and you are SO right, the losses really leave you with lots of weird-wired feelings in your brain and in your heart...

i think we're not really aware of most of them until later... it's like the pain is so devastating at the beginning that you just try to do whatever just to get out of that phase and ease that unbearable feeling, literally like fighting for your own life and your own mental sanity, that all the other minor issues are just invisible.

but once you're gone through it and learned how to live with it better, and have moved ahead, then all those formerly invisible thoughts surface and wow... 

i had times where OH had cold feet for looong time, and i found myself being angry at him for stupid things i usually couldn't care less about, and the anger was not about those things in particular, it was due to deciding not to NTNP/TTC. it was always the same anger, as if he was denying us our baby - a feeling you can't really mistake for anything else, at least in my case. ie. he forgot once to pick my jacket up from the dry cleaners on the way back from work, i didn't even need it, it was there for post-winter clean up so that i could put it away during spring/summer.. and i took it as "he doesn't care about me at all". insane and silly and if i haven't had losses and depression that followed, i wouldn't have even noticed (and maybe left my jacket there forever haha!).

and wow - surprised that you're only 27! you are so SO mature! plus your career sounds so demanding as well, congrats on getting that far that quickly!

no BFP news from me yet... but it's ok - the broodiness here varies a lot, and on the days off i really enjoy it's not there, it can really take a lot of joy and attention out of your life, whoever gets to master it is a ZEN buddhist!


----------



## Carybear

Hi... 

Life is still crazy busy and most nights we just fall into bed exhausted.

I have my second formal observation tomorrow so this week has been horrendous. 

I'm not planning to do anything to mark the day. Just wanting to look forward and wait for that day when I get my BFP that will lead to my forever rainbow


----------



## skyesmom

i'm having one of my EDDs this week... it's been quite some emotional time over the past few days but OH's been great and it just drew us closer.

it is insane how these feelings hide away and you manage to function with and without them, and even stop feeling all that grief and devastation all the time... and then this time of the year comes and teleports you automatically into a weird nostalgic state from where that pain from years ago just comes back and enters effortlessly though the front door.. 

...that really surprises me, how intense it gets despite the time passing, both around the EDDs and MC anniversaries.

...also, like Carey said, the though of having a 2 year old and a 4 year old now really feels odd. i really feel like i've been stripped out of my life somehow, and now there is this other life i've built in the meantime that is so so far from it (especially with my 1st loss, as it was with my ex). and then it all seems like a dream.

and i know this sounds weird, but all this waiting (even when it doesn't feel so much like an actual waiting) makes me think i don't want to have a baby anymore. like when you want something so much but it doesn't come and you end up being sick of it all. 

did any of you have this feeling? of being sick of it all, so much to stop wishing it almost?


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- thinking of you and your angel around this time. <3

Skye- :hugs: I can TOTALLY see what you mean about feeling like you're leading a parallel life. And you're so wonderful at articulating things so clearly!!!

For me, no, I never stopped wanting it. But maybe if more time had passed, I would have started feeling that way. It makes perfect sense.

<3 you girls so much. I admire your strength more than you know.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Topanga.... Skye I'm right here with ya...

So, my last AF was really light. I mean, I pretty much could wear the same pad all day for about 4 days. Now I'm at cycle day 11 and have a ton of yellowish cm... It seems to early to be ovulating...

Any ideas???

Doesn't matter how tired I am from today's observation (which went pretty good - as good as it gets when you have 22 ten/eleven year olds in a room and you are trying to teach them to determine a character's perspective) DH and I will be making time for a little BD over the next week and a half...


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I ov on cd 11 sometimes so not too early !!! Go get b'ding .....xx


----------



## skyesmom

:) :) oh Carey that sounds exciting! :) :) keeping my fingers crossed for you!!


----------



## skyesmom

oh btw girls... i'm officially one-two days late ha! but i have no symptoms at all except for some little increase in CM (a very usual thing for me at any point of the cycle)... we also had some spotting during sex for the last two days so i think it will be here anytime.. oh well. the good thing is i actually forgot i was late. i forgot when the next AF was to come. this didn't happen in a while now and it feels great.


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye its great to hear your so relaxed about it all at the moment :) hope its a SUPRISE BFP for you x keep us posted ;)


----------



## skyesmom

the witch got me... no surprise BFPs here (and now hoping for a christmas miracle as my working schedule in december is mental and i honestly don't know how i'd pull it off with the first tri sleepiness)


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone :) just checking in . Its turned super cold here can see my heating bill going up by the day !!! Lol... I can't wait for Christmas I LOVE it :) lights , trees etc . I'm really just a big kid !!! 

How is everyone , work for me work is super busy balancing it all is quite a struggle !especially when it comes to dinners !


----------



## Carybear

Hi All... :hi:

November 12th passed with me much stronger than the year before. There will always be a part of me that wishes I had been able to meet my little one, but a bigger part knows that I will someday meet him. There were no tears, just a happy reassurance that he is in a better place. It's so hard to believe that it has been 2 years...

DH and I leave for a cruise on Monday! We have not had one vacation since our two-day honeymoon more than four years ago. I'm so excited!

So... I've tried not to symptom spot... but... I think I ovulated really early. Around CD11. Since CD14 my BB's have been pretty sore. It seems to me like that would be too early. AF is due in about 3-4 days, but I've had this pain for over a week now. My nipples are EXTREMELY sensitive. Any cold makes them hurt. Took a test but it was negative. Not sure if it was just too early or if something else is going on... 

Happy Thanksgiving! Never a bad idea to give thanks, we are all so blessed.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary enjoy your cruise its so well deserved ! Relax , kick back and enjoy xxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

Carey!
i hear you on the anniversaries. those days are both so tough and also so beautiful in a way.

and great news about the cruise, you and your OH more than deserved it!!! i wish you the best time ever <3 <3 <3 as Left said, kick back & relax...


...and regarding the symptom spotting.... wow!!! all that sounds really promising and exciting!! keep us posted pls!!!! <3


----------



## Topanga053

Left wonderin said:


> Hi everyone :) just checking in . Its turned super cold here can see my heating bill going up by the day !!! Lol... I can't wait for Christmas I LOVE it :) lights , trees etc . I'm really just a big kid !!!
> 
> How is everyone , work for me work is super busy balancing it all is quite a struggle !especially when it comes to dinners !

I'm so excited for Christmas this year too!! I love Christmas anyway, but for some reason, this year I'm extra excited!! It's taken all of my self-restraint not to put up our tree yet! Lol I've already done 90% of our shopping and the gifts are all wrapped already! :haha:

And I hear you, Left! Work has been crazy busy for me recently too. I've been working a lot of late nights (so LO is already sleeping when I get home) and logging some hours on the weekends. Thank goodness I love my job!! 



Carybear said:


> Hi All... :hi:
> 
> November 12th passed with me much stronger than the year before. There will always be a part of me that wishes I had been able to meet my little one, but a bigger part knows that I will someday meet him. There were no tears, just a happy reassurance that he is in a better place. It's so hard to believe that it has been 2 years...
> 
> DH and I leave for a cruise on Monday! We have not had one vacation since our two-day honeymoon more than four years ago. I'm so excited!

Cary, I'm so glad to hear the anniversary was easier for you this year. And HOW EXCITING about your cruise!!! Where are you going and for how long?? We must be physic because DH and I just booked a cruise on Friday! :haha: We're going to the Western Caribbean for 7 days in February. You'll have to tell me all about it and tell me any secret tips and tricks!!!! :haha: Is this your first cruise?? It will be ours! We've talked about it for years, but this is the first year we've been able to do it.


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies! :wave:

It's been so quiet here!! How is everybody!??!?? Cary, how was the cruise??

Afm, nothing much to report. I'm about half-way through my 4th cycle since birth control. DH is back on the TTC bandwagon (for now lol), although I've had some cold feet this week. 

One of my friends announced she's expecting again. This is her 3rd pregnancy in 3 years. She was pregnant with her first during my miscarriage, her second when I was pregnant, and now she's pregnant again. It's much easier since having LO, but I still cried when DH told me. She gets pregnant the FIRST MONTH they try EVERY TIME and always has pretty easy, healthy pregnancies. It's just crazy, when I'm here struggling with miscarriages and crazy cycles and it takes me almost a year to get pregnant (at least it did with LO. And we're on ~7 months/4 cycles since TTC this time, since my cycles are so long, but still! We've been TTC almost half a year again already!). She has already really hurt me with some of the things she's said during my loss and she STILL has not met LO. I'm still struggling to forgive her for a lot of stuff, and this newest pregnancy announcement just makes me that much more bitter and resentful. It's stupid and it shouldn't affect me this way, but it still does. 

Missing all of you!!! xoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi :) I miss you all too :( well I'm onto cycle 5 this month since we started ttc again . Oh have also swung from being on board to saying nope . Right now he is on board too but think he would be equally happy if it didn't happen . He is doing it to keep me happy lol... But I know will love LO if / when they arrive . 

Had such a weird cycle . Spotting since 10dpo and still spotting now at cd8 ..... Mmmm who knows what's going on but I'm not giving up :) Sean is getting so big , crawling , pulling himself to standing ..... 

Cary how was the holiday ?? Red you still here ?? Would so love to hear from everyone xxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye , starry , red , anchor ???? I've just bawled reading back on the thread . And I was talking about ttc again 8 days after Sean arrived !!!!! Lol..... 

Please come back and say hi :)


----------



## Left wonderin

And dear ray ray


----------



## skyesmom

i'm here!! :)))))))))))

no big news from me though! (when i get that BFP, the BFP announcement board won't see it before i update THIS thread girls!... i think you'll know before some people in my real life will!)

first, Topanga and Left - thanks for reviving this thread! and so good to hear your LOs are doing well and that your OHs are back on the ttc train! i hope those BFPs rain soon on all of us! :dust:

OH and I are looking for a nice new cosy home for us, so lots of late nights in bed googling cuddling and planning... it is actually very sweet times here.

we got the focus of the NTNP as it did good to our relationship and i think we're really NTNPing only now... by this i mean not thinking even in which part of the cycle we are each week.

we're also planning a nice family reunion for xmas, we're scattered all over the place so it's a good thing to meet all together.

Left, i think i'd totally bawl my eyes out too if i dare re-reading this thread! i remember that you talked about having another LO 8 days after Sean was born, lol.... THAT is crazy brave!

Rayray? Anchor? Carey? Starry? WOMEN!!! updates pls!

ps. Topanga, when did Lauren turn 10 months old???? time FLIES here!


----------



## Topanga053

Skye, I know what you mean. NTNP can be so much better for a relationship; so much less stress! I hope it happens soon for you!!! You deserve it so much! I'm so glad we'll be some of the first people you'll tell!!!!

Left, I'm on cycle 5 now too. AF Just came today. On CD28. WHAT??? I mean, here have been my cycles:

Cycle 1: 58 days
Cycle 2: ~70 days
Cycle 3: 48 days
Cycle 4: 27 days

That's crazy!! LOL I thought we were just getting to the fertile part of my cycle today and AF shows up!! I have NEVER had a 27 day cycle. even before LO my cycles were 31-33 days. I wasn't expecting AF for another month. After such long cycles, it feels like I JUST HAD a period! Lol! Anyway, on to cycle 5! 

How about everyone else??? Starry? Cary? Red?? How are things??


----------



## Topanga053

PS- Skye, I know!! 10 months has flown. She's growing like a weed. She weighed 25 pounds last week. LOL she's a big girl!! My arms get tired holding her and weve got a long way before she's walking!!!


----------



## skyesmom

Girls! Happy 2015 to you all!!

and now a question... 

i'm like 5 DAYS late on my period. of course i POASed already two days ago and it was a perfect, snow-white BFN.

the thing is, i don't feel pregnant at all and the only "symptom" that i had was brown spotting for two days 6-7 days ago a few days before my period was due. i had no implantation bleeding before.. but i had CRAZY implantation cramps with my last one, it was something i've never felt in my whole life, i was 100% sure i was pregnant already before it and got my beautiful BFP a week later.
with both my previous pregnancies, i just "knew" something was in there, can't really put that feelings into words, but it felt like i wasn't the only person living in my body and that someone was already with me. i have nothing like it this time around :( .

on top of all, i got a nasty cold at the beginning of this cycle and was prescribed antibiotics; i haven't had antibiotics prescribed since ages now, i think the last time i had them before this winter was like 7-8 years ago. 

Do you think meds could have messed up my cycle? i'm also being already paranoid that if i'm pregnant now, the meds could have harmed the baby or the egg prior to conception and so on and so on. i'm not a big fan of pills and take them only when i really HAVE to. 

and i haven't tested again because i'm tired of disappointments and BFNs and also another BFN but with no trace of period coming wouldn't convince me that i am not pregnant either.

sorry for the rant and a weird and inconclusive update. i just need someone to wait it out with me :/

the OH is being suuuuper sweet and supportive by the way, and he also takes care not to get our hopes up too much.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi sky :) I'm so happy to hear from you and equally happy to wait it out with you :) the spotting sounds hopeful !! What day in your cycle are you now ?? Ooooh I know its disapointing to see a Bfn but I wouldn't be able to " not know" that would drive me crazy !!


----------



## Topanga053

Hi Skye! I think the meds could definitely be messing up your cycles. Or it could just be one of those things. But I think late cycles while TTC should be BANNED!! I hope the BFNs are wrong though and you're late because you're preggo! As far as "knowing" when you're pregnant, I don't know. I immediately "knew" with my first miscarriage that I was pregnant, but when I got pregnant with Lauren, I was convinced that I was NOT pregnant because I didn't "feel" pregnant at all!! Since I knew it the first time, I was sure I would have the same feeling the second time around, but nope! I just about died when the test was positive. So I wouldn't put all of your eggs in that basket! :winkwink:

Left, you're on a break from TTC #2??? Did anything happen or you guys are just waiting? What's the scoop?

How is everyone else??? It's been so quiet here!!! Starry?? How's that beautiful baby girl? Is your PPD better now??

Cary? Red?


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Topanga yup but an inforced break . Have been diagnosed with post partum thyroiditis . Mine is over active at the moment . On med which not safe ttc , also with levels out of wack effects fertility and v high rate of mc . So we are waiting . Have specialist appointment on 9 th of march so hoping for more news re time frame ect then xx

How are you doing ? Where is oh at re no 2 now !


----------



## RedWylder

*waves* I peak in every now and again to see what's up but often don't have the energy for writing all that needs to be said so I wind up saying nothing. LOL. Anyways, piper and I are doing great. She is 9 months old and is crawling and trying to pull up on everything. Love this munchkin. Know that I'm still rooting for Skye and Cary. I want so badly to come back on here and see some good news.


----------



## skyesmom

hey girls! 

so nice to see this thread active again!

Left, that sucks! but at least they picked up on your condition and are treating it, i hope you get all clear for TTC again in march. thyroid is such a sensitive thing.

Topanga, how is your TTC #2 business going? is your OH still on board?

and Red - so great to hear from you and Piper again!! missed you girl! and thanks for rooting for us <3

and as for me, i ain't pregnant, the meds have messed up my cycle but tbh i'm a bit relieved i am not, as since we didn't get pregnant yet on the cycles when i was healthy, i'd rather skip getting pregnant on a cycle where i was full of meds, antibiotics especially. i'd driven myself nuts from worry and guilt if i were.

the AF got me properly so now all sleepy and super tired. OH is being a sweetheart though. and our relationship is blooming even without a baby and i am endlessly grateful for this. i never thought i'd be able to feel like this again but i am, and it is such a relief. 

aaaand i really can't wait for the day to update this thread with another BFP news. honestly, i already thought of how i will announce it to you girls and already have a plan :) now all i need is a :BFP:

thank you all so much for your support and your friendship over these months... been over a year now!!


----------



## Topanga053

Hi girls! :wave:

Skye, SO SORRY to hear about AF! That sucks! :nope: Late periods are so, so cruel when you're TTC.

And Left- so sorry to hear about the delay in TTC #2! Tough news all around, ladies!

Red- Glad to hear you're doing well!!! We miss you!!

Afm, DH and I are both on board for TTC #2. We both still go back and forth a little bit sometimes, but I think we're pretty solidly on board now. I've been REALLLLY wanting #2 recently. I tested today and got a BFN. I was really sad about it. I think it's the first BFN I cried over since LO. I just really thought I was pregnant and was so excited thinking about it. No sign of AF yet, but my cycles are still all over the place, so who knows. Anyway, now it's just waiting to see if/when AF finally decides to show up. This is cycle 5, so apparently we're onwards and upwards to cycle 6!


----------



## skyesmom

oh Topanga!! the late cycles are SOOOOOOO cruel when you're TTC, i agree!!

and i so so hope that this will be a late BFP for you, instead of another whacky cycle!! those would be such good news!! keeping my fingers crossed for all of us girls!


----------



## Topanga053

skyesmom said:


> oh Topanga!! the late cycles are SOOOOOOO cruel when you're TTC, i agree!!
> 
> and i so so hope that this will be a late BFP for you, instead of another whacky cycle!! those would be such good news!! keeping my fingers crossed for all of us girls!

Thanks!! I HATE not knowing when AF is going to come. Today is CD33 with no sign of her. (Last month was a 27 day cycle, but before that I've been anywhere from 40-70 days, WTF!?!?). It sucks because I have NO IDEA when/if I'm fertile (but still refuse to chart again), when I should test, or when AF might show up. And it's hard to know what to wear if you never know when you might start bleeding, you know?? I'm terrified of wearing light colored clothes anytime after CD31, just in case!!


----------



## skyesmom

gah i know that feeling. sometimes i feel she's just waiting for the day that i put the white skirt on and baaaam!!

fingers crossed for this cycle dear!! keep us posted!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone :) its been too long since I caught up with you all . Hope you are all doing well :) I think about you all often and wonder what your all up to ? I miss chatting to you ladies . 
Life is plodding along here , and between work and Sean and four crazy dogs is hectic lol...
I've been diagnosed with Graves so my thyroid problem was not pregnancy related . Still WTT under doctors orders errrrrrrr , have to wait till my levels are where they should be . They are responding to the meds and heading in the right direction so hopefully my wait won't be too much longer . 

Would love to hear how you are all doing ? 
My love to all xxxxx


----------



## Topanga053

Hi! :wave:

I miss you ladies too! I hate that this thread has been so inactive recently! We should chat more!!

So sorry to hear about your thyroid and that you're still stuck WTT. Fingers crossed the meds help!!!

Afm, we're in the TWW of our 7th cycle. No rush either way, so it's very laid back, which is nice. 

How is everyone else??


----------



## skyesmom

Girls!!! missed you all soooooo much!!!

Left, sorry to hear you're still on hold with TTC but glad they found the underlying cause so that you can at least get a proper treatment and get on with the BFP business!

speaking of which, no news for me on this field at all, no baby yet but the relationship between OH and me is going absolutely great and i've even managed to get to the point to DTD WITHOUT thinking in which phase of my cycle i am in, if i'm ovulating or not and just enjoy it! love to ya all!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh hi girls :) so great to hear from you both !!! And so quickly ! Topanga your right we need to chat more often :) how is Lauren ? Is she getting big ? How are you finding balancing work n home ? Its busy eh ? Lol..... 

So are you both on board actively TTC ? Or NTNP ? Eeeek hope you have som e news for us soon .... Ding ding round 2 :) 

I'm so hoping I'm back to base line soon ... Next. Appointment with endo 11th of May so preventing till then at least . 

Skye so good to hear from you xxxxxxx I'm so delighted to hear everything with OH going well and OMG can't imagine getting back to that place again ..... Not over thinking things ... Must be nice place to be . Means you will get an even bigger SUPRISE one of theses days ;) 


I often think of CARY and wonder how she is doing ? Anyone keep in touch with her ? 
Sean turned 1 two weeks ago can't quite believe it !!!! He is turning more and more into a little boy every day. Here he is
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 38.7 KB
Views: 2


----------



## Left wonderin

Please keep in touch ladies :) I love hearing from you !! Lets breath new life into this thread :)


----------



## Topanga053

Left, Sean is adorable!!! I will try to remember to post a new picture of Lauren later when I'm not on my phone.

Skye- that must be so nice for you to be able to DTD and just enjoy it!!! Still crossing my fingers for some good news soon!!!

I wonder how Cary and the others are doing as well. I hope everyone is well.

Yes, balancing life is hard sometimes. Lauren is growing like a weed. She's 13 months, but not standing up alone or walking alone yet. She's trying to figure out how to stand up alone and it's ADORABLE. 

We're a combo of NTNP/TTC still. No OPKs, etc, but we're timing DTD even more now. DH has even started asking whether I'm a "fertile turtle" (his new favorite phrase lol) and whether we should DTD. He gets nervous about #2, but he really wants a sibling for LO. We haven't talked too much about how long we're going to try, so for now we're just kind of coasting along. But I don't see us trying forever either, if it doesn't happen. I'm still considering trying to do a surrogacy and I worry about getting too old since I'm already in my late 20s. I worry that if we TTC for years that by the time I'm ready to do the surrogacy (if I decide to do it) that I'll be too old and no one will want me! :haha:


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga!!! i don't understand how anyone could ever say NO to someone so selfless to offer their body for surrogacy!! that is the most selfless thing one can ever do for a couple and the baby, so unless there is some weird law prohibiting you from doing that, i think you don't need to worry and add that additional pressure on you!

i find it SO amazing and you have my uttermost respect for wanting it!


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks hun!! :hugs: I hope I have the courage to do it when the time comes. For now, it's just an idea for the future. We'll see what happens!!

Left, any updates on whether the meds are working?? 

Afm, today is CD31, so I tested this morning and BFN. As usual, I have such mixed feelings. Waiting for AF to start anytime this week and then on to cycle #8. Part of me thinks I should be temping, etc, since I'm not sure where in my cycle I'm ovulating after LO's birth, but then I don't think it's worth it, since I don't think we'd seek fertility treatments at this point and we're really DTD enough to cover all of our bases. I'm starting to give a little more thought to how long I want to TTC/NTNP this time around. Originally, I had thought about doing it until this August (not sure why... lol August just felt like a good time) and then re-assessing how we both felt. That still sounds pretty good to me, so I think that's my tentative plan for now. 

Hope you're all doing well!!! :kiss:


----------



## Carybear

HI Ladies! 

Left Sean is gorgeous... Topanga would love to see a pic of Lauren.

Hi Skye!

I can't believe how long it has been. 

I had a lot of symptoms this month but AF hit Friday night (2 days late)... It's been all over the place. I am exactly 28 days for 2 months and then I will be like 10 days late. Then exactly 28 and then 2-4 days late. 

I've actually started temping this month. I want to go to a GYN and I feel like I need to have a couple months of temperatures.

It's hard to believe that your LO's are getting so big. The months keep passing and I wonder if I shouldn't just move on. But, I've never been a quitter... So... I keep on

Would be nice to see this thread alive again.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I'm so excited to hear from you :) delighted your not giving up !!!! So how long you gonna temp for before your appointment ? How is Sunday school work ? You still as busy as you ever where ? I love reconnecting with you ladies :) excited !!


----------



## skyesmom

Carey!! now i got such a HUGE smile all over my face just to hear from you! :)))

sorry to hear your cycles are all over the place but maybe temping and a good GYN could help solve the mystery :hugs: and so great to hear you haven't lost your spirit! how is your book going by the way?

i also can't believe how quick the time has gone and how big the rainbows on this thread are getting! it is such a joy to hear from all of you ladies!

OH and i are getting into the sporty spring mode again, jogging and cycling and yoga and stuff, juicing twice a day now (instead of our normal morning juice which was my personal routine OH used to laugh at until he dared to try some and now he's bugging me to peel the fruits every morning :doh: he used to despise any fresh plant food since he was a teen so this is a great accomplishment for me! ) ... we recon, being fitter can't harm the fertility... we're both pretty skinny but the plan is NOT to get underweight.. just catch some stamina back.

i was thinking of starting to temp again too, but we've (or better, i've!) just started enjoying sex again recently, without thinking of the baby outcome, so i'm holding off as it has been a part of my worst times and i kinda associate it to that still.

I miss Starry and Red and Rayray here! women, update!


----------



## Topanga053

Carybear said:


> I had a lot of symptoms this month but AF hit Friday night (2 days late)... It's been all over the place. I am exactly 28 days for 2 months and then I will be like 10 days late. Then exactly 28 and then 2-4 days late.
> 
> I've actually started temping this month. I want to go to a GYN and I feel like I need to have a couple months of temperatures.
> 
> ...The months keep passing and I wonder if I shouldn't just move on. But, I've never been a quitter... So... I keep on
> 
> Would be nice to see this thread alive again.

Hi Cary!! So good to hear from you!! :happydance: How's work and life going?? 

I'm so sorry to hear about AF being all over the place. Mine has never been entirely regular either, so I can sympathize with that. And I know it makes TTCAL all that more heartbreaking because you can't help but to get your hopes up when it's late. I am so sorry you're going through that. I think of you often and how much I admire your strength. I'm sure it's incredibly difficult, but I'm glad to hear you're not giving up. I hope your OB can give you some answers. Will you let us know how that goes?? How is the temping going so far? 



skyesmom said:


> i was thinking of starting to temp again too, but we've (or better, i've!) just started enjoying sex again recently, without thinking of the baby outcome, so i'm holding off as it has been a part of my worst times and i kinda associate it to that still.
> 
> I miss Starry and Red and Rayray here! women, update!

I don't blame you, Skye. Temping really can be difficult and definitely does NOT make it easy to disassociate sex from baby making! I give you credit for being there now... I'm still having a hard time doing that myself!! I think it's just one of the many ways the MC/TTCAL journey changes you. 

And I agree--updates from the others!!! I hope they're still around and stalking occasionally. I miss everyone!!! :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Thanks ladies! It's good to be back. For a long time I had to distance myself from all things baby related. It was just too hard. But, I'm back and while I'm doing little things, I'm not killing myself when it comes to TTC. 

This particular period has been the worst. It started Friday night and went all day Saturday. Then Sunday and yesterday there was just a spot or two. Today, a little more than a spot but not even enough to fill a pad. 

It makes me wonder exactly what is going on. Im tired of going and hearing that everything is ok. So, I plan to write down everything for two or three months, temp for those months as well and then go to talk with the gyn. The problem is, I haven't found a good gyn. So I am still looking.

I just had my thyroid checked and while it is on the hyper end of normal, it is still normal. That is always a concern for me as I haven't been on meds since 2012. But, I haven't needed them. I was diagnosed with graves too Left... But I never did anything about it until I wanted to get pregnant.

So in the last two weeks I have been exhausted, and this past week I have woken up because I was burning up (We keep the air on 71 at night). Literally, I could wring out my shirt. This is so not like me. I'm not sure what menopause is like, but it does make me wonder. I'm 39 so that would be really early.

Anyway, I figure I will do the writing down and then share and see what the new gyn says. I will definitely let you know how it goes


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary if I was you I'd go get your thyroid levels checked again !! Your AF sounds EXACTLY like the ones I have had since they returned after Sean . Two days light then spotting two days then gone .i thought it was them just changed after pregnancy but its thyroid related . Also excessive sweating and over heating I hd too ... Classic symptoms !!!!! Bet if you think about it you have more ........ Increased appetite ? Any rashes ? ... Tingling in hands / fingers ... Difficulty sleeping ? ... There are soooo many !! Anxiety sense of dread . Heart palpatations ? 
I went to the doc as my mum kept telling me she thought I was " going through the change" turns out not and its my thyroid . Graves is not curable and can reoccurs even after treatment . Worth getting checked I'd say


----------



## Left wonderin

Aparentyly your tsh can come back " normal " but you can still be over .... You aparently need to get them to check your " free t3 and t4 for an accurate result . I've been educating myself lol


----------



## RedWylder

Hey Ladies! Piper turns one tomorrow and I can hardly believe it. I've been so emotional about it. I'm so blessed but I don't want her to grow up yet every stage is so much fun. Anyways- yesterday was her Harry Potter birthday party. Here's a photo of her in her Hogwarts uniform and tutu.
 



Attached Files:







11133745_951389418245073_5569879831076103179_n.jpg
File size: 37.7 KB
Views: 2


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh Red ! She is beautiful !!! I know its so emotional isn't it . Every last :( Sean off formula now and about to take off running ! Hope she had a lovely day . Every time I hear her name I love it more :) any brother or sister for her soon ;) lol


----------



## skyesmom

OMG Red!!! she is so so so cute!!! and they grow up so fast, too fast... no wonder the 1st birthday gets you emotional! and so glad to hear from you again! <3 <3 <3

Happy birthday Piper!!


----------



## Topanga053

Carybear said:


> Thanks ladies! It's good to be back. For a long time I had to distance myself from all things baby related. It was just too hard. But, I'm back and while I'm doing little things, I'm not killing myself when it comes to TTC.
> 
> This particular period has been the worst. It started Friday night and went all day Saturday. Then Sunday and yesterday there was just a spot or two. Today, a little more than a spot but not even enough to fill a pad.
> 
> It makes me wonder exactly what is going on. Im tired of going and hearing that everything is ok. So, I plan to write down everything for two or three months, temp for those months as well and then go to talk with the gyn. The problem is, I haven't found a good gyn. So I am still looking.
> 
> I just had my thyroid checked and while it is on the hyper end of normal, it is still normal. That is always a concern for me as I haven't been on meds since 2012. But, I haven't needed them. I was diagnosed with graves too Left... But I never did anything about it until I wanted to get pregnant.
> 
> So in the last two weeks I have been exhausted, and this past week I have woken up because I was burning up (We keep the air on 71 at night). Literally, I could wring out my shirt. This is so not like me. I'm not sure what menopause is like, but it does make me wonder. I'm 39 so that would be really early.
> 
> Anyway, I figure I will do the writing down and then share and see what the new gyn says. I will definitely let you know how it goes

Cary, I COMPLETELY understand you on needing a break. I'm glad you're back though and in good spirits! I constantly admire your strength.

I hope everything is normal and ok. Temping, while stressful sometimes, can definitely be HUGELY informative, so I hope that's helpful for you!! And my OB DEFINITELY took me very seriously when I went into her office with three months of charts! :haha: So it helps in that regard too!



RedWylder said:


> Hey Ladies! Piper turns one tomorrow and I can hardly believe it. I've been so emotional about it. I'm so blessed but I don't want her to grow up yet every stage is so much fun. Anyways- yesterday was her Harry Potter birthday party. Here's a photo of her in her Hogwarts uniform and tutu.

Happy belated Piper!!! It flies by, doesn't it!?? She's adorable, Red!! Is she walking yet? Lauren just turned 14 months and is not the LEAST bit interested in walking on her own. She'll cruise, but that's it.



Left wonderin said:


> Awh Red ! She is beautiful !!! I know its so emotional isn't it . Every last :( Sean off formula now and about to take off running ! Hope she had a lovely day . Every time I hear her name I love it more :) any brother or sister for her soon ;) lol

Left, OMG I was so HAPPY when Lauren was finally off formula!! It was the best day of my life to get to stop buying formula (it's so expensive!!) and start planning out meals for her!! Also, I LOVE that I don't have to worry about packing food when we travel, since she can now eat with us! SOO much easier!!! :haha:


----------



## RedWylder

Nope she's not walking. She cruises like a champ and I've caught her standing on her own a couple times but no interest in walking. Time really does fly. But no, no sibling planned. I just got my period back so that's something but I'm getting ready to go back to school and one baby is enough right now. But I've definitely got baby fever!


----------



## Carybear

Red, Piper is adorable. Love the outfit. 

Topanga - I'm beginning to think that it is the temping that is keeping me from sleeping. I think I am so worried about the time I need totals my temp that I keep waking up (Which could, of course, throw off my temps)

Left my FreeT3 and FT4 were smack dab in the middle range. But, I called my endocrinologist to tell her about the period and she ordered an ultrasound of my thyroid and wanted me to redo the blood work. My TSH was .46 and hyperthyroid is anything under .4 at one point in my life I was <.001. Which was really bad. 

I miss chatting with you all and I am loving hearing all about your little ones.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary its great that you have an endo who takes you seriously ! I'm waiting on a thyroid scan too !


----------



## Left wonderin

Ps its so lovely your back xxxxx 

I need to get into temping too !


----------



## YoungThomas

rayraykay said:


> Yay! Thank you for creating this!

:kiss::hugs:This was a great help for me.:thumbup::thumbup:


----------



## Carybear

Hi all! I've been temping this month and I was pleased to see that I ovulated on day 12! That is like 8 days earlier than before. I'm guessing this is a good thing! I have been drinking smoothies with chia seeds and I heard these can stretch the time between ovulation and AF (Luteal Phase???) 

Guess we'll see. :thumbup:

How is everyone?


----------



## skyesmom

Cary! fingers crossed for you! i'm also drinking chia seed smoothies and adding seeds to the salads and making raw jams with them for the past three months, and i have to say my cycle did get longer, passing from 21-22 to 26-27. i didn't know about this effect of theirs and i am still keeping away from temping, so this is a really interesting piece of advice for me. OH is taking them too, so who knows!


----------



## Carybear

I drink a smoothie with 2 tbs in it every morning... DH does as well.

I have found that I am in a good place right now. Sure, I want to be pregnant but no matter what I am happy. Life is good and gets better everyday! I guess I have PMA :happydance: A LO will of course make it better, but I am blessed and have so much to be thankful for.

The temping is cool and I find that I like learning more about it... To be sure, I was surprised when it showed that I ovulated on CD12.

:wave: to all of you ladies! Looking forward to updates


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies!

So I don't want to trigger anyone who's still TTCAL here, but I wanted to let you all know that I got a BFP last night! 

We've been NTNP for almost a year now so it wasn't exactly a huge surprise (although I think DH felt differently!). Later when I have more time I'll have to tell you the story of how I told DH... priceless!

Anyway, it's very, very early days (AF was supposed to come over the weekend, so I'm 4 weeks), so it's all just a waiting game at this point. It's interesting. My first pregnancy I was ecstatic, then with LO I was distant and scared. This time I'm kind of both. I've had both a loss and a healthy baby, so I know both ways this can turn out. 

DH and I haven't told anyone yet and I'm not in a rush. Id like to get through at least an early scan before we tell anyone, even our parents.

Just wanted to share! How is everyone else doing???


----------



## skyesmom

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


CONGRATS!!!!! i was thinking about you yesterday!!! so so SOOOOOO happy to hear this!! can't wait to hear how you broke the news to the DH!!

awww!!! thanks for sharing this! i really had a hard week behind me and news like these always lift me up! 

and no wonder you've got mixed feelings of excitement and detachment. i kinda think we're not really done with this journey from the day of our first BFP to the day our last child is born, and every time the new BFP comes, it holds ALL of it in, the entire journey, all of the excitements and losses and joy and grief count.

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: super sticky dust your way!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga ! Yipeee congratulations I'm super excited for you :) I too cannot wait to hear how you broke the news to DH lol..... He sounds like he needed to be picked up from the floor ;) lol
I so hope it all works out for you , ill be following closely for updates on your new journey :)


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks ladies!!!

So here's the whole story:

AF was due anytime from Fri-Sun, so on Sun when it hadn't come and we were grocery shopping, I picked up some tests. DH noticed and asked if I thought I was pregnant and I said I didn't know. That was it.

Fast forward- we get home and DH goes to take a nap. I take a test and its BFP. I was honestly surprised because I'm just SO USED to BFNs after all these years. I felt pregnant, but I've been wrong before so I don't trust myself anymore. 

I had the test in my pocket and was feeding LO some applesauce when DH came downstairs.

Me: I think we're going to need more applesauce. 
DH: Another one? (Which he meant, does LO want another container of applesauce)
Me: yes, quite literally another one.

And I handed him the test.

LOL he just looked at it and then walked away, so I was honestly worried he was upset. But then he came back and was like, "ok, this is good!" He said later it just completely came out of nowhere for him. I reminded him that he'd seen me buy the tests that day, but he said I'd bought so many of the years and they were almost always negative, so he didn't think twice of it lol. 

So anyway, the whole "another one?" Comment just tickles my funny bone!

I called my doctor today and scheduled an early ultrasound for mid-May, so we'll see.


----------



## skyesmom

hahahahha lol! another one??? YES!!!

i think the english word for your OH's state is astound :D :D :D

sooo sweet! 

oh and you sooo nail it with "i'm so used to BFNs" - no better way to describe it! i think when my BFP comes i'll doubt it is real for a good while.


----------



## Carybear

Topanga!!!!!! Congratulations!!!! Im so happy for you 

What an absolutely adorable way to tell DH 
Looking forward to following your journey for number two


----------



## Carybear

Topanga.... I have a question for you... Do you want to be bump buddies????:baby:


----------



## Carybear

After two and a half years.... Finally!!!! Thank you Lord!!!!
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 18.8 KB
Views: 5


----------



## skyesmom

no wayyyyyy Carey!!!!!!!!!!!! i KNEW this would be your month!!!!!!!!!!!!! i saw your bump buddy question and then your profile pic and i was like... no way... and then bam!!!

SO SO SO SO happy for you!!!! you deserve it so much!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg 

yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee yipee

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

:wohoo: :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

So so happy for you Cary :) you have been soooo patient :) I'm on :cloud9: for you 

So details :) how do you feel ? How did you find out ? How did oh react ??? I can't believe it !!! This has made my year !!!


----------



## Topanga053

OMG!!!!!!! CARY!!! I am so so so so happy for you!!!!!!!

:happydance: :happydance:

You've made my week!!!!!!!! I can't stop smiling!!!!

When did you find out?? How far along are you? How are you feeling??? Are you on Cloud 9? Is DH thrilled??? Do you have any appointments scheduled??

So many questions!!!!!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Ladies... I simply could not be happier... Or more nauseous..:haha:

Well... We've been trying since July 2010. We had that one miscarriage November 2012 and then I have convinced myself that I was pregnant sooooooo many times!!!!! In January I was 10 days late but every test was negative. So... Come to March 27th. I get a period, but a very light one. After that I decided to go back to temping. I have to say that I've been drinking chia seed shakes since February. So I ovulated like 8 days earlier than I used to. My temps stayed VERY VERY high. So, I kinda wondered. But during this time I have also been fighting bronchitis. 

I was supposed to get AF sometime between April 23-26. She never came and my BB's were sore but that has happened in the past. I was actually afraid to test. 

I went to the allergist on Thursday because I think the allergies have been causing me to get sick. While I'm reading the paperwork I see that you can't get skin testing if you're pregnant. I decided to take the test Thursday morning just to be sure. It came up immediately!!! So... DH is at work and I'm with my mom and sister. (I took the day off to go to the dr and spend time with my fam) So I wanted to surprise DH. We had planned a date night for last night. I tried to get him to switch it to Thursday night and he wouldn't budge. So I had to keep it a secret for like 36 hours!!!!!!! 

Last night DH and I had a date night. We have this little beach that is like an hour from us. That was the first place that I told him I loved him. That is where he asked me to marry him. So what better place to tell him that we're expecting. 

We went out to dinner and then headed to the beach. DH loves candy. So I had taken a onesie that says "I Love Dad" and wrapped it in an M&M box. We sat on a bench and I told him to open the present. He was suspicious about why I was giving him a present and he told me it wasn't fair because he didn't know to get me anything. I told him it was just because.

I taped him opening it and he pulls out the onesie and just looks at it. He was in shock!!!! Then he looks at the camera and says, "Are you pregnant?" I was like "Uh huh"... He got a little teary eyed but hid it because we were in public... That's my DH... (I bought that onesie September 2013. I've had it for a long time!)

So we watched the sunset and as the sun set we saw three dolphins in the water!!!! So beautiful!!!

My mom lives with us. So when we got home I had to pee for like the millionth time. My mom had been out and when she got home she went to her room. So, my husband came out in the living room with the onesie on his chest. I walk out of our room and asked my mom how dinner was. She came out into the living room and we taped her looking at the onesie!!! It was priceless... She was screaming and crying... 

What an amazing night. I am 5 wks and according to ovulation due around December 30th. According to LMP I am due around January 1st. My first appointment/ultra sound is May 18th. 

Just this week I've started feeling nauseous. I keep feeling like if I eat I will feel better. I eat and then I feel sick. It seems to be an all day feeling, without throwing up. My BB's are sore and tons of veins!!! I have a lot of pulling pains in my uterus and they happen on both sides and in the middle.. not sure about those but I feel them like 10-15 times a day.

I'm staying in a positive place. After the miscarriage I prayed and asked God to not let me get pregnant again until I was going to make it all the way through. So, I believe this is it. It has taken us 2 years 5 months to get pregnant again...but I believe this is our sticky rainbows!!!! We are all on :cloud9: here....

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## skyesmom

i just bawled my eyes out :haha:

:cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9: 

you deserve that gift so much <3 <3 <3 and what a perfect place to break the news! and congrats on resisting for those 36 hours!!!


----------



## RedWylder

[email protected]@azaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Cary!!!!!!d omg I just cried for reals for you. I'm am so stinking happy for you. Nausea is such a good sign. 

Topango- happy for you as well of course. :) 

Yay two more rainbows on the way!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Red... You just made me cry... but well I seem to do a lot of that lately!!! :haha:

That and I have NO PATIENCE with my students... I'm sure they are all wondering what the heck is going on... Poor fifth graders... They went from a nice teacher to monster teacher... :haha:


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary there were tears here too :cry: but Happy ones :happydance: 
That is such a lovely story :) this IS your rainbow !!!! :happydance: you describe ms so well lol.... 

As for the pulling / stretching feelings all normal :) everything is growing in there 

I am sincerely over joyed for you and oh for course l !!! Its your turn !!! 
I CANT wait to follow your journey :)


----------



## RedWylder

Yep, this board has been quiet too long. I want all the details.


----------



## skyesmom

Likewise!! from both of you Topanga & Cary! (and i'll join you by the end of the year, this i know!!)


----------



## Left wonderin

Sky :)


----------



## Carybear

Fxd for you Skye. Can't wait to hear your news. Try temping (but be careful it can be addicting). I will be praying for you!!!

My boobs hurt so bad. The nausea is like just an all day yuckiness. The exhaustion gets really bad at around 1:30 or 2. 

Most of the time I am burning up. 

May the symptoms continue and we see a strong heartbeat on May 18th


----------



## skyesmom

yay for the symptoms! i mean, it is hard with that all day yuckiness but at least it is mentally reassuring! i'm keeping everything i have crossed for that scan on the 18th!

i'll see about the temping :) i don't know why but i just have a feeling we will conceive by the end of the year and that it will happen in the winter/late autumn months. maybe i just lost my mind but this is how it feels and i kind of feel weirdly calm because of that.


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Skye, I hope so!!!! Fingers crossed!!!! 

Cary, LOVED the story of how you told DH and your mom. SOOO stinking cute!! I can't get over how happy I am for you!!!!!! :happydance: 

Afm, I had a tiny bit of nausea a couple of days ago, but it's been a couple of days since I felt any. Mostly I have just been EXHAUSTED. Just that "I've been hit by a train and I can't move" exhausted where even blinking is exhausting lol. I was on the road for work all day yesterday and in the afternoon I was suddenly SO TIRED that I felt it was dangerous to be on the road. So I pulled over to the nearest rest stop. I figured I would lean back and close my eyes for a minute or two and then be ready to drive again. So I put my seat back and closed my eyes.... and woke up half an hour later!!! :haha:


----------



## skyesmom

no way!! that's some serious on the road napping! haha ahh these moments are just priceless!


----------



## Carybear

Lol... Wow Topanga! I know that exhaustion well... I get in the car after work and just lay my head back for awhile....

I just want to get to May 18th....

How are you Skye? I believe that this is your year too....

How are ya Left? Red?

Has anyone heard from Starry???


----------



## Left wonderin

Oooh Cary I forgot to tell you Starry said to say a HUGE congratulations to you and send you a cyber hug !!! She isn't on bnb at the moment but we keep in touch on Facebook . She asked me to keep her updated hope that's ok ? 

May 18th will be here before you know it !!! The waiting is hard though ! 
I've an appointment with my endo on Monday so will know better where things are at for me after that but right now I'm MORE INTERESTED in you !!!! Lol.....
And of course Topanga :) but CARY I'm extra excited and happy for :)


----------



## Carybear

Of course you can left... Tell her that I said hi and send hugs back. 
I will be praying for a good appointment with the endo. Let us know what they say. Are you planning on trying for a brother or sister for your LO?

Skye, I have everything crossed that this is your year. 

Topanga when is your first appointment?

The nausea has lessened. It comes and goes but it is not that bad. The exhaustion however seems to get a little worse everyday. 

Impatiently waiting for the 18th.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I was trying from August till December but then had to stop due to the meds I'm on and thyroid levels . So waiting for it to level off so I can get trying again ! I'm hoping for good news on Monday and hoping doc will give me the green light .:)


----------



## Carybear

Fx'd for you Left...


----------



## Topanga053

Left, I can't WAIT to hear about your appointment!!! Is the doctor definitely going to tell you one way or the other whether you can resume TTC again now?? I hope so!!! You seem like you've been pretty patient with WTT though, I'm impressed!

Cary, yeah, the exhaustion is still kicking my butt too. No more naps during work hours haha:), but I'm really dragging this morning. It's hard to do much of anything, I just want to be sleeping! Are you having any other symptoms yet?

As for my appointments, I have some scheduled and this is kind of silly, but I don't feel like sharing the dates yet. I know it's silly because I'll tell you ladies everything no matter what happens, but for some reason, I'm always scared talking about the appointments in advance. We didn't even tell any of our closest friends when I went into labor with LO for that very reason. It's irrational, but I can't shake it! For now, I'm nervous that I'm not having even more symptoms. I was telling DH the other day that I hate that my very first pregnancy ended in a loss. I think it takes away all of your confidence in the process. I was terrified with LO for most of the pregnancy. I enjoyed the second half a bit more, but for pretty much all of the first half, I didn't want to talk about it at all. I'm envious of my friends who've never had losses and who just assume that a BFP = healthy pregnancy & baby. It's a little bit easier this time around, but not much. Anyway, not much I can do about it, since that's just still where I am mentally, so I've just accepted it, but it would have been nice to have had one pregnancy BEFORE a loss, so I could have had just one pregnancy where I had complete faith that things would work out. I told DH that I'm nervous and trying to distance myself. He said that's really sad. C'est la vie.


----------



## skyesmom

<3 :hugs: Topanga love! it is so so normal to have those feelings, even after one successful pregnancy. the fact that Lauren is here is a blessing and a miracle but it can't erase the past. and i hear you on wishing that your first pregnancy was successful, i think people who have that gift just breeze through it with certain innocence and non-awareness that we're robbed off for good.

and regarding OH calling your distancing from your pregnancy sad... i don't know if it's the men/women difference, but i have a feeling that sometimes it kind of slips their mind, the whole thing, mainly because it is not THEIR body involved in the process. we see it and live it as a failure of our own body, and they're spared of that unless in those rare cases where it is 100% clear that the issue is genetic and coming from fathers' side (a rare thing but it can happen). so our panic, fear and issues are harder to cope with than theirs.. even without the hormones.

i understand the wish to distance yourself from it and guard yourself from everything... it is an automatic thing we do against any life threat we've ever faced - run away or be on guard - and the loss has gotten you down to the point of not wanting to live anymore so you react to it from there.

but i don't think any distancing can really help you or save you from the hell in case the worst decides to repeat (and i am crossing EVERYTHING i have in my heart and soul that this LO comes healthy and that you get a text book pregnancy!!!)... 

...the thing is, it's not easy to get rid of that weight at all. my SIL, who's now pregnant with her 2nd after a complicated 1st pregnancy due to a large uterine growth that menaced a rupture+internal bleeding in late pregnancy, she told me that SHE wouldn't be able to take a full breath and relax once *I* get pregnant until our LO arrives, as she knows how much it affected me and my OH, and that she can't even begin to imagine how it will be for me.

i am sending you a massive hug! <3

and Cary, i am so so excited for your appointment on the 18th!! and impatient!

Left - also super curious to hear what your doc will say and will they give you a green light to TTC! and please say hi to Starry from me too!

girls!!! i'm sending all my love your way!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga I can totally understand where your coming from . I'm kinda like that . I've got a pair of pj bottoms ... Well my favorite one , when I wa s first pg with Sean I spotted once afte rib around 6 weeks while wearing them . Thought its all over again . Thankfully we know that's not the case :) but I've NEVER been able to put them back on me again or throw them out .. I know its stupid but I think if I put them on something bad might happen . I associated them with the bleeding ! I know weird !! Lol... But in my wardrobe they will stay lol.

Ill keep you all posted on the appointment and how it goes . It depends on my levels I guess and if they are where they should be


----------



## skyesmom

Left i hear you... i have a similar thing with the pair of panties i had on when i lost Skyler. the blood stain from when i lost him stayed there for ages and eventually washed away so no trace can be seen, but to me they are "his" panties and I wear them very very rarely, and always for the EDD and loss anniversaries. i know it may sound bonkers and obsessed, but i see it like our little ritual sort of.


----------



## Carybear

Hi ladies! Well.... Exhaustion and queasiness are still there...

Friday night I spotted pink at 6 weeks... Just a touch. It turned to brown on Saturday and had just a touch on Sunday... Nothing today... I never bled but I did have mild cramping on and off... So I called the dr and I go in tomorrow!!! Nervous but excited. 

I've had lots of wiggles and pinching pulling pain...

I will update tomorrow....


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary keeping everything crossed for you , the fact it turned brown so quickly is good . 
Will you get an ultra sound today ?


----------



## skyesmom

Carey, i'm keeping everything crossed for you today! i hope they give you a scan and you get to see your little bub <3

as left said, it's a good sign that it turned brown quickly and stopped... STILL having the reassurance is priceless. :hugs: sending my best vibes your way!!


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, so glad it quickly turned to brown and that they're getting you in today to reassure you!! As we all know at this point, nothing is definitive! I had NO bleeding (not even a brown spot) with my miscarriage, but I had a little bit of red blood at 17 weeks with Lauren, who's obviously fine. I'm sure everything is fine and I'm glad they're working you in today! You're in my thoughts!!!! Keep us updated!!! :hugs:

Afm, I got a call from my doctors office to remind me I have an upcoming appointment. I wanted to be like, right, as if I've thought about ANYTHING ELSE!!!!


----------



## skyesmom

LOL! i actually never heard of a woman in my entire life who actually needed a REMINDER for THOSE appointments!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Right!?!??!!?

Cary, any updates!? I was hoping there would be something from you when I checked back in!! 

Also, Skye and Left, sorry, I meant to respond to your earlier messages about my nervousness. Thanks so much for understanding, ladies. :hugs: It's crazy what a loss will do to you. And I COMPLETELY understand about the pants/underwear. When I had my D&C, the hospital gave me a pair of sweatpants to wear home (I'd bled through my clothes). I still have them. I will wear them occasionally, but usually not during any TWW and I DEFINITELY will not wear them now. I think I'd freak out if I even accidentally touched them now. Funny how that is, isn't it? It's all so irrational and we're all such intelligent women! :haha:


----------



## Carybear

Met with the dr and had an ultrasound. All they saw was the gestational sac. At six weeks they should see more. But it's 50/50 right now. I go back in a week. Praying there is more and I see a little bean and heartbeat. But, today I am pregnant.


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Cary. :hugs: <3 I am praying so hard for a good outcome for you. I really hope you have a good follow up scan next week. 

Are you sure of your dates, particularly when you ovulated? Six weeks is still on the early side, particularly if there is ANY possibility that you ovulated late. If you went in today at 6w and had ovulated say, a week late, you'd only be measuring at 5w, where it's really difficult to impossible to see anything, depending on how good the tech is and how far you are into the 5th week. That's why early scans can be so scary. 

Like you said, today you are pregnant and I hope and pray that it's just too early to see the little bean. 

Do you have anything fun going on in the next week that can help you pass the time?


----------



## skyesmom

Cary! i agree with Topanga on everything she said. Also, it could have just implanted late and at 6 weeks it is really hard to tell, sometimes literally A DAY later makes the whole difference!

I'm keeping everything crossed for you that it all goes well! as you said, today, you're pregnant! i admire you so much for that mindset and sending you the biggest hug ever :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Thanks ladies! We are truly resting in God and His will... I have peace.

Will post when I know more...

Hugs to all


----------



## skyesmom

thank you for keeping us posted hun <3


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, I admire your strength and your positive attitude so much. I just wanted you to know that. In all honesty, I wish I was a lot more like you. I think in my day to day life, I'm going to start asking myself, "WWCD?" - what would Cary do? :haha: I think I'll be a much calmer person that way!!


----------



## Carybear

LOL!!! You ladies are too much!!! Thank you. I have an excellent feeling about this pregnancy and refuse to let negative thoughts in. I'm very sure about my dates but I also know that babies can take their time. I have a severely retroverted uterus. I've been reading that a tipped uterus can make it hard to see the baby. They had a hard time seeing my left ovary too. I am at peace and am going about my life. I do have a strong faith in God. 

I am blessed beyond measure. Thanks ladies for your hugs, thoughts, prayers and love.


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, is your follow up scan tomorrow?


----------



## skyesmom

thinking of you Cary and keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I heard about your bfp, so congrats on that! :happydance: I hope the scan went well. A tipped uterus would make it harder to see the baby.

I've had a baby measuring behind go both ways. My son measured behind at first. When I should have been about 6 1/2 weeks they only found a sac measuring 5 weeks, no baby or anything. A week later, there he was!

Fingers crossed!


----------



## Starry Night

Oh, and it seems there is congrats in order for Topanga too. So exciting! It almost makes me wish I was TTC again. Almost. ;)

It sucks that the fun and excitement has been taken away from pregnancy. It's the main reason DH and I decided to be happy with the two rainbows we have been given. We had agreed to fight for a second and we got her. :) I used to dream of a bigger family (4 kids) and it's kind of sad to give it up. But it is what it is.


----------



## Carybear

Hi Starry!!! So happy to hear from you!!

I do have a severely tipped uterus. So much so that Dh and I have to use different positions because the typical route hurts so much. 

The scan is set for Tuesday at 11. We are praying for healthy heartbeats. 

I truly have peace and this week has not been hard at all.


----------



## Starry Night

Your peace really is a testament to your faith. I struggled with that so hard with my pregnancies--even my daughter's which went relatively well. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## RedWylder

Cary- I have good vibes for you but I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for Tuesday. You deserve a rainbow so much. Thinking of you!


----------



## skyesmom

RedWylder said:


> Cary- I have good vibes for you but I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for Tuesday. You deserve a rainbow so much. Thinking of you!

THIS exactly!! 

Starry it is so so great to hear from you here again!!!! 

And Topanga, I imagine your appointment is sometime this week or beginning of the next one since your OB/GYN sent you a reminder last week.. you're on my mind as well none the less! :hugs:

and Cary - regarding US and tipped uterus: when i mcd three years ago, i remember this lady posting here on bnb about a misdiagnosed blighted ovum, she was a nurse herself and well they declared her with a blighted ovum at 9 weeks with a transvaginal ultrasound, just a sac no baby in there, but she just KNEW it was all ok (she had a loss some years before already and it felt just different), and well she did a normal abdominal US on herself in a jolt of disbelief and look and behold, a healthy 9 week old baby in there.

she also posted a link to misdiagnosed BOs due to tilted uteruses, it seems your US technicians have to use a different approach with you. mind you, she wasn't a severe case of it at all so make sure you mention that tomorrow!

massive hugs to all of you ladies (Starry you have no idea how happy i am to see your post, i literally jumped in my chair! kiss those both rainbows from me!)


----------



## Left wonderin

Thinking of you Cary x


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, any updates?? I've been thinking of you!!


----------



## Carybear

We had to wait forever... We saw the sac... perfectly shaped and growing.. measuring 7W4D which is exact to my dates, but we could not see anything inside. We will go back in for another ultrasound in 2 weeks. Dr. seemed sure it was a loss, but she also didn't want to hear anything about a retroverted uterus. 

For now... my life will go on and I have placed everything in God's hands... Thanks so much ladies for the prayers and thoughts.. All is well here...

Topanga, I saw on the January site that you had a great scan... So happy for you.. Keep the updates coming.. Wish you a healthy and happy 9 months...


----------



## Starry Night

That seems so strange the doctor didn't want to hear about a tipped uterus. Under other circumstances an empty sac at this point wouldn't be a great sign but in yours I would definitely not take that as the end of the story. Are your betas still being drawn? That might give a clue too. With my angels I had a combination of slow-growth and slow-rising betas. Like from 35 000 to 38 000 in a week's time. The sacs were also wonky shapes.

Was the scan abdominal or did they do a transvaginal? I think with a transvaginal a tipped uterus wouldn't make a difference but with an abdominal scan it would definitely be hard for a baby that small to show up. I've seen many stories online about women with tipped uterus' being told it was a blighted ovum only for the baby to show up at the 12 to 14 week scan. That was with abdominal scans.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you!!


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Cary, I'm so sorry. <3 <3 I was hoping more than anything that you'd be able to see more today. I'm still praying that the scan in two weeks gives you different results, although I generally agree with everything Starry said. (Btw, welcome back, Starry!!! I've missed you!!!!) 

I'll be praying for you over the next couple of weeks that you get a different result at the next scan. :hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

Thanks for the update Cary! i'm keeping my fingers crossed for you with everything I have! the fact that the sac is right on time and a perfect shape is definitely a good sign in your situation and tbh, i'd look for another doctor to get a second opinion as this one ignored the tipped uterus you have (wtf!! if she were your dentist and ignore the tipped uterus information, fair enough, but an OB/GYN running an ultrasound...!! bad, very bad.)

And i agree with everything Starry said, especially about HCG and the sac shape. plus what you write is exactly the case with that lady with tipped uterus that posted here on BnB... i managed to dig her thread out if you wanna have a look: 

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pregnancy-first-trimester/922003-blighted-ovum-so.html

i'm sending you a huge huge hug and you have my most profound admiration for your attitude and faith!

ps. Topanga, wherever that January site Cary mentioned is, congrats on your great scan! what a relief!!!


----------



## Carybear

Wow! Skye... Thank you! The dr was terrible. She came highly recommended but I can honestly say that we will be switching doctors. They made me wait for 2 hours past my appointment. Then, because they wanted to get to lunch they did the ultrasound in like less than 5 minutes. The sac had gotten much bigger and it was a beautiful shape, But it was so rushed!!! She didn't take time to look for anything. They had already decided that because I am 39 it wasn't viable....

Making a new appointment for 3 weeks from now. I found a new Doctor that I hope takes my insurance. Going to make the appointment today and then I guess we will see...

Was a rough day... I went home and cried for awhile.. Then DH was like... I still believe our baby's in there. I need you to believe with me. I was like.. I do believe... It's just... I'm mad because I wanted to see the baby today!!!! We ended up taking advantage of the day off.. Went to a late lunch/dinner, a movie and watched the sunset at the beach... Saw three more dolphins... One thing I can say Ladies... My DH and I have had our times... There are plenty of times when I want to choke him. But, this pregnancy has brought us together like nothing else has... I AM BLESSED!


----------



## skyesmom

<3 Cary that closeness you two have is priceless <3 you both are such amazing beautiful strong people!


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, that sounds like an absolutely PERFECT day!! <3


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Limbo would get the strongest woman down. I'm so glad you have such a caring hubby to help see you through the down times. It really is a comfort and a blessing.

And definitely do NOT let any doctor talk you into having a d&c or taking any medication without first having a transvaginal scan or waiting until you're 12 weeks at least. I have just read way, way too many stories of ladies with tipped uteruses arguing with the doctor and finding out that the baby was fine.

I know this was before the day of ultrasounds, but the same happened to my grandmother. She had a major bleed and the doctor told her she was losing the baby and gave her the meds to help it along. When she got home she threw the pills in the trash and put herself in bed and my uncle was born at the end of 9 months.

afm - glad to be back and catching up with everyone. I honestly didn't think this thread was still active otherwise I would have checked back sooner! I still get some waves of broodiness but I think our family is complete. A few months back we found out our first rainbow has autism so it's been bit of a wild ride. Of course, now I worry about my daughter as they say once an older sibling has it, the odds are higher the others will too. But so far she is hitting all her milestones and even the specialists who diagnosed my son were impressed with her. Only time will tell....


----------



## skyesmom

Starry hon! that's a tough thing to discover and deal with! 

please don't get me wrong, by saying this i don't mean that your son is any less amazing than "before" the diagnosis, or any more "a problem" in your life, but it is one of those conditions that strikes one member but the whole family needs to adjust to and it is always a shock (at least my family when through all these phases when my dad got diagnosed with cancer - it is all good and under control now but it did change us for good as a family - in a good way).

i worked for an ad agency once as a writer in Germany and one of their designers had autism, needless to say, his paintings, pictures and designs were of unearthly beauty. you could recognize the genius from miles away, and his way of communicating with the environment was mind-blowing. you really never never know how it can all develop <3

and regarding your daughter, if it can be of any help, if i remember well it is four times more likely to manifest in boys than in girls, even when hereditary so that should lower her risks somewhat.

i'm sending my love to all of you! <3


----------



## Topanga053

Starry :hugs: I noticed awhile back that you had posted in the special needs forum. I hope you guys are continuing to adjust. I know it can be a shocking diagnosis to have to adjust to. One of my really close friends has a young son w/autism. It was VERRRY difficult for her to accept, but he's in all sorts of therapies now and really progressing very well. She has a younger son now and she's worried about him as well. I think that's just part of the journey. How are you guys coping? Is he in any treatments?

Afm, I don't want to be insensitive to Cary, but I wanted to discuss something with you all, since you'll understand my feelings. As Cary mentioned, my first scan did go well. It's still early, but the HB was a good sign. I've thought about it and decided to tell my boss tomorrow. Even though we still haven't reached 12 weeks, I like the idea of telling her now. Work knew about my first pregnancy before we lost it and I actually found it incredibly comforting that they all knew because I didn't have to explain everything and everyone was WONDERFUL. My boss offered me extra time off, my co-workers offered to cover court appearances for me (didn't take them up on that), and one of my co-workers even gave me flowers. Their support really meant a lot and also meant that I didn't have to explain myself if I had a sad day. Unlike some people, I also don't have to worry about work retaliating because I'm pregnant because they have been AMAZING throughout both my loss AND my pregnancy, so I know they'll be equally supportive now, no matter what happens.

With that said, DH wants to tell his family this weekend, but we know that once we do that, word will spread, so we're contemplating making a general announcement on Facebook this weekend. 

I know the conventional wisdom is not to do it in case there's a loss. But we ended up making a FB announcement about our loss anyway, since so many people had found it that it was impossible to remember to send individual messages to everyone, so I just posted that we had lost the baby. The outpouring of support was actually incredible therapeutic for me.

So, I'm thinking we will make a public announcement soon. Even if we lose this pregnancy, especially where we've seen a HB, I KNOW that I'll want a lot of support. I'm also a very open person, so if we lose it, I'd probably end up posting something about it on Facebook at some point or another anyway. I know everyone is different, but I find it therapeutic to discuss my loss & the fact that we don't get pregnancy easily openly. It makes me feel better to know that I might be comforting someone on my friend's list who is going through the same struggles, but chooses not to share publicly. I hope that me sharing helps them feel as though they're not alone.

I know there's really no point to this, but it's hard to get over the "don't announce to 12 weeks" taboo, so I think I just needed to talk myself into it. I know I'm comfortable with it--no matter what happens--but it just feels like we're breaking some rule! I knew you ladies would understand.


----------



## skyesmom

i totally back you on this Topanga and i'm on the same page as you about sharing the news before the 12 weeks. i was actually pretty pissed with people who told me with my first BFP that i shouldn't tell everybody i was pregnant because bad things could happen, and when i did lose my baby, none of them dared tell me "i told you so" - all of them actually empathized and i think some reconsidered their point of view on this old taboo.

especially, since you already know your environment is supportive, and that it did provide you loads of help, support and understanding with your loss, then share away. one of the hardest things in my life was breaking the news to my parents with "i WAS pregnant". no sadder thing than that for me. i admire your courage, though, as it takes a lot to break that secret anyway!


----------



## Starry Night

I always told right away. I couldn't help it. With my daughter's pregnancy I only kept it hidden from my grandmothers because I knew they would worry and stress too much and it wouldn't be good for them. I wanted that support through my fears. And a life is a life. I wanted to celebrate it. I did want to keep my daughter's pregnancy bit of a secret because I thought it would be fun to show my family my pregnant belly and tell them with the excitement of it being more likely I would keep it. But I was seeing family over the first trimester and I was so sick with morning sickness there was no hiding it. And I suck at keeping secrets. :winkwink:

It still hurts me a bit to hear others talking about the 'taboo' especially when they haven't gone through a loss themselves. I understand keeping a secret with PaL because others can say such jerky things and it helps protect from that. But when you've never had a loss it seems to be about hiding the 'shame' of making an announcement and then taking it back. I don't see the shame in that. It's not like you were lying. You were pregnant and a baby was coming.

And yeah, getting my son's diagnosis was tough. We weren't expecting it. We were at the point we thought there was something going on but not something as serious as autism. My DH has had a really hard time accepting it. My DS does seem to be on the higher functioning end but we are dealing with some speech delays. He has started speech therapy and his occupational therapy starts in a few weeks. However, there isn't much in the way of true autism therapies here in Canada unless you go private and our work benefits don't cover it. You have to get into the government program before the age of 5 and the wait list is over 2 years so most kids age out before getting off the wait list. Which will happen to us as my son turns 4 in about a month and we just sent out the application yesterday (it took 3 months just to get the necessary paperwork to send that application). They do now have an interim program that is only a 5 month wait list so I think we should at least get SOMETHING.

I also have him in music and dance therapy. I am looking out for little programs like that that are less costly and have their own benefits. I will also apply for a riding program. It's a 3 year wait so I need to get that in soon. Our local school also has partnered up with another stable that does a horse therapy session (no riding in this one) so there's that too. But we are considering moving back to our home province to be closer to my family. Right now we're pretty rural so we have to drive long distances for everything. Programs are terrible everywhere but back home we'd at least be in the city and have family support.


----------



## Carybear

Starry, I'm so sorry that you are having struggles. It sounds like you are doing everything you can possibly do. My prayers are with you.

Topanga, please know that I want to hear all about your pregnancy. You are not being insensitive. I decided a long time ago that I was going to be excited when a friend was pregnant. I want others to be excited for me and so I need to be excited for others. 

I am in a great place. The waiting is tough and of course, I want to be one of those miracle people who goes in at 9 or 10 weeks and there the baby is... But whatever God decides to do I am at peace. 

So... Today I am pregnant and all is well!!!

Sending hugs to all the little ones and prayers for those not yet here


----------



## RedWylder

Ugh! this is a long 2 week Cary. I keep checking back to see if there are any changes. How are you feeling?


----------



## Left wonderin

Just to let you Jo my sister friend went through this recently Cary , scan @ 6 weeks hers due to spotting ... Sac present couldn't see baby . Sent her away for 2 weeks and told her not to hold out much hope as looked like a blighted ovum ... However yesterday there in all its glory a baby and a hb :)


----------



## skyesmom

i second what Red said, long two weeks and i also keep coming back to check for updates. I'm sending you a huge hug hon.


----------



## Starry Night

Left - that is awesome news about your sister! Congrats to you all! And I love the story of hope.

Cary - I agree with the others. I am just waiting for these 2 weeks to go by and am constantly coming back for updates too. Thinking of you!

afm - my rainbow baby's first birthday is next week. Can't believe it's been a year already. It's been both the longest and shortest year of my life. I'm getting sentimental which makes me second-guess our decision to be done with having babies but DH reminded me the other day we prayed about it and we are peace about the decision. I guess now that my daughter is fun (the first 6 months were very tough) I don't want it to end. But it's still too soon to tell if she is autistic or not as well and I can't imagine risking having 3 kids with autism. DD is hitting her milestones so far and has an easier time adjusting to changes than my DS ever did but she does other things too. She likes to flick her fingers like my DS does and now she is starting to punch herself in the face when she gets angry. It can be normal behaviour but with our history I have my guard up.

My son is doing well though. Now that therapy has started he has really blossomed. The change in routine has brought certain setbacks (more tantrums) but he is speaking more and even expressing feelings and attempting simple conversations.


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- ditto to what the others have said. These two weeks feel like they're dragging on forever. I hope you're doing ok with the wait.

Starry- :hugs: Glad to hear that DS is doing better w/therapy. And I can completely understand you have your guard up more with DD. I think that's only natural. I also understand your concerns about #3. One of my co-workers has three children who are all autistic. He doesn't complain much, but I have to imagine that it's very, very difficult.


----------



## Carybear

Hi all...

I started have pains Thursday night. Managed to get through about 4-5 hours before I had to wake my husband up. They were like contractions and were coming like every 1-2 minutes. I was passing huge amounts of clots. I'm guessing the pain was so bad because my cervix was closed and the clots were having to squeeze through.

ANyway... Ultrasound showed exactly the same. A sac with nothing in it.
HCG was 12000.

They said it was the start of a miscarriage. My last miscarriage did not hurt like that. I passed a kidney stone before and it did not hurt like that... The pain has continued to come and go throughout the weekend. I haven't been able to eat much! I find that if I drink lots of water the pain gets better. I've been mixing it with cran-grape and that seems to help.

I'm afraid it's not great news. 

I go to the Dr. tomorrow for blood work. and If nothing has happened I go back for an ultrasound on the 16th.


----------



## Topanga053

I am so sorry, Cary. :hugs: I am so unbelievably sorry, not only that it looks like another loss, but that you have to be in pain on top of it. Did they give you any options for medical management or do you want to wait and see?

With my blighted ovum, the first dose of misoprostel was not that bad. I had lots of bleeding, so I was tired and weak, but not a lot of pain. with the second dose, I had AWFUL contractions. I basically had to curl up in a ball when I wasn't on the toilet bleeding and could barely move or breathe. I am so, so sorry that you're going through that pain too. 

I know there are no words, so just know that you're in my prayers constantly. <3


----------



## skyesmom

Cary i have no words to say how sorry i am that you have to go through all of this :/ :/ :/ 

just like topanga said, being in a limbo plus physical pain on top of all, and an uknown pain as well. 

I am still hoping for a miracle for you with all my heart and soul. i still believe this is going to be your miracle baby somehow. (i hope these words don't come across as hurtful, i just really really wish the miracle would happen, as you so so much deserve it after all you have been through.)

<3 :hugs: :hugs: 

i am keeping everything crossed for you that the bloodwork comes back good for you tomorrow <3


----------



## Starry Night

I'm so sorry, Cary. I wish you were getting better news and that you weren't in so much pain on top of that. My first miscarriage hurt like heck. It honestly was as painful as the beginning stages of active labour. It adds the insult to injury. But it was also over the quickest of all my losses. I hope you heal quickly.

Gutted for you. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I'm so so sorry to read your sad news . Life is just so unfair sometimes without any obvious reason . I wish I could give you a real life hug right now . Have they said you can take anything for the pain ?


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies,

I noticed a tiny amount of red blood on Monday when I went to the bathroom. (I mean tiny, like the pinprick of a needle.) I kept an eye on it and it didn't return, but then I got the same thing this afternoon. Just another pinprick or two of red blood. I wouldn't even call it spotting.

I called my doctor just to be safe, so she wants to see me tomorrow afternoon. I almost hate it when they want to see you. I kind of wish she would have been like, "why the hell are you bothering me over something like this???" It makes me more nervous that it's serious when they want to see me. Also, I have an appointment next week, so I kind of expected her to tell me just to keep an eye on it and let her know if it gets worse, since she's seeing me next week anyway.

Anyway, I just figured I'd update you all. I haven't had a lot of symptoms from the get go with this pregnancy, so I can't exactly say that my symptoms have disappeared suddenly. For the most part, the minor symptoms that I've had all along (slightly more tired, sore BBs, etc) are still here.

I'll update you when I know more.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Topanga how scary for you . I'm so sorry your experencing this . I'm sure everything is just fine . It sounds like not even spotting . Your as well to go get checked tommrow so you don't have to carry that worry around for another week . Hopefully after tommrow you can rest easy . Ill be thinking of you xx


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga :hugs: so sorry for the scare! I think once you have been through a loss, the scares are way way worse, because you already know where it can lead to and know there is no guarantee. 

I am sending you a huge huge hug! I'm sure everything is fine in there and that those two spots were just one of those things that just happen. 

As Left said, the good part of the fact that your doctor wants to see you today is that you don't have to wait for the whole week until you get checked.

i'm sending my prayers your way and crossing all i have for you <3


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - how scary. :hugs: Hang in there. I hope you get reassurance from your scan this afternoon. I will be stalking for updates.

Cary - :hugs::hugs: Thinking of you. Hope you're taking care of yourself and getting good support.


----------



## Left wonderin

The time zone differences have me all mixed up ! Thinking of you Topanga and of course Cary .. I hope your getting lots of hugs


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies, more light bleeding today and some cramps, but just had a good ultrasound. Baby's measuring fine and HB of 168. 

They don't know why I'm having the bleeding. (I had this for one day with Lauren at 17 weeks.) Just told to keep it a little easy and no DTD until I haven't had any blood for awhile. They said if I get another couple of spots I don't need to call, but if it gets worse or doesn't stop soon I should follow up again. I have another apt scheduled next week anyway, so we'll see what my regular OB says. Blood pressure was normal today, which is great since I had pre-e with LO.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga that is such good news :) I'm so delighted all is ok with baby Topanga no 2 :) 
You must be so relieved !!! Xxxxxx


----------



## skyesmom

phew!! those are great news! :hugs: so happy the baby is doing great <3 and sending you my love for the next appointment. 

bleeding in PAL sucks so much. even when it is completely harmless, with no apparent reason, tiny or whatever, it freaks you out so much anyway. i really hope it stops ASAP!

Have a good rest now :)

Cary, i am thinking about you loads. how are you? I so wish you were here so i could give you a real life hug. i would ask you so many things on how you feel, how is the situation developing and so on, but i just don't know how to word it and don't wanna put any additional pressure on you or say something hurtful. last stuff you need now is some bulls**** on internet. but i want you to know that you're on my mind and you and your family are in my prayers <3


----------



## RedWylder

^wss. I'm thinking of you Cary. I'm mad at the stack of cards you've been handed since to u are the single most deserving person I know. I still believe your rainbow is out there.


----------



## skyesmom

my news of the month is that OH and i found an amazing new flat to move in at the end of the summer, and these are great news, more space for less money, who could have wished for more :)

but it also means an official halt to our TTC/NTNPing as well until the move is over. this mainly because in both of my pregnancies that ended in a loss i've moved home (once with OH once with my ex), and i just DON'T want to risk to get pregnant AND move.

i know it is irrational and makes no sense but it is too much to deal with for me. both times i stayed away from lifting boxes or pretty much anything, from aggressive cleaning products, paint and so on but it still happened and well.. i just don't want to be in the same situation again.

OH is totally supportive and he says that our baby is waiting for the new nursery space to be ready lol.

so no we're not opting out just leaving it for autumn...


----------



## Starry Night

skye - your plan makes sense to me. I would be terrified to be pregnant (especially first tri) and move. I did move across country when I was 7 months pregnant with my oldest and it was tough and stressful even though everyone made sure I didn't do anything strenuous. When I'm in first tri I like to rest, rest, rest. I would bleed just from standing too long so yeah, I can see why you'd want to wait. And congrats on finding a great new home! :thumbup:

Topanga - thinking of you. Spotting and cramping is no fun. i think sometimes, with all the extra blood swirling down there during pregnancy, it's possible some people are just extra sensitive and bleed more easily. I had a normal pregnancy with DD but I would still spot if I stood too long or every time I had sex. I also had horrible cramps. It's nerve-wracking but as long as your scans show a healthy baby you at least have something positive to focus on. :hugs:

Cary - you continue to be in my thoughts. :hugs::hugs:

afm - my DD took her first steps yesterday. It won't be long until she properly starts walking. People like to say "oh, you don't want them to walk" or "now she will be into everything" but my oldest was very delayed (didn't walk until almost 2) so I am thrilled to have my youngest meeting her milestones. And besides, she is already getting into everything. She can open doors and drawers (our child safety locks have been all broken already....cheap pieces of crap, lol) and she is PERSISTENT. Walking won't change much at this point. :haha:


----------



## skyesmom

ohhh Starry!! congrats on those first steps! Go, Hannah, go! those moments are sooo exciting and i'm so happy your DD is meeting her milestones! especially with your DS having been diagnosed with autism and her being at risk of possibly developing it too, i think every milestone she hits is like a little victory and a little sigh of relief.

:hugs:

Topanga how r u? has the bleeding subsided? thinking of you <3


----------



## Topanga053

Skye- SO excited for you with the new flat!!! Bigger AND less money... you definitely can't get better than that!!! <3 <3 I also completely understand putting a halt to TTC/NTNP until you're settled into the new place. I can't wait for the fall to come and hopefully get good news from you! :winkwink: As I recall, you once told us that you had a sense that you were going to get a BFP in the fall, so maybe it's a sign!!

Starry- great news on Hannah walking!! Like Skye said, I'm sure it's thrilling when she meets her milestones, considering. 

Cary- always thinking of you. :hugs:

Red- how are things with you?? 

Afm, no bleeding or cramping since Friday, so that's good. Since the scan was good, I'm not worrying about it too much. Since I had it with Lauren too, I think I might just be prone to it. I also hemorrhaged, both during my MC and giving birth to Lauren, so I think it might just be how my body works. Hopefully no more episodes with this one.


----------



## skyesmom

awww Topanga those are such a great news!! pheeeeww!! so happy that the bleeding is gone now :)

and you got good memory, i do have that feeling still and i actually thought of it as i wrote this post :) we got some telepathy here :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

So glad to hear that everything is going good...

Topanga so glad to hear everything has stopped and yeah for an awesome scan and heartbeat. Praying for a healthy baby. 

Starry. How sweet. So happy to hear that she is doing great and on her way to walking 

Skye. Sounds like an awesome place. I could certainly use more space!!!! We had the same thing happen to us a while ago. More too
And less money. Best decision we could have made. 

Red. Thanks. That means a lot. Wish we all lived close enough to meet 

As for me. Had another appointment today. There is still some tissue left. Praying that I pass everything naturally. They confirmed that I passed the sac (Which I saw THURSDAY night) and I'm happy to say that the cramping is finally gone... They basically said that I was having contractions in the ER because my uterus was pushing the sac out. I'm in a much better place mentally and emotionally.


----------



## skyesmom

Cary i have no words to explain how sad i am that you have to go through this again. you deserve SO much more from life.
of course i'm happy to hear that you are in a better place mentally and physically than two weeks ago, and i admire you for your strength and sanity, but i just wish the things went the other way for you.

you deserve a miracle more than any other person i know, i totally second Red on this.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Skye... 

I got a call from the doctor. My HCG is 200. This is good news. Looks like everything will be gone naturally. Passed some big clots today with pieces of tissue so I'm praying that it is 0 next Tuesday. Never thought I would be glad to see my HCG decline. The nurse said it could take weeks, but it went from 12000 to 200 in a week so I'm hoping it will finish up now.

Going to push for some testing to be done. I will be 40 in October and I have been at this now for 5 years. We've only had 2 pregnancies and 2 miscarriages. Something has got to give. I'm not leaving the dr next Tuesday without a plan of action.

Hope everyone is doing great and that all the LO's are all well and growing...


----------



## Topanga053

Hey Cary, if I remember correctly, your apt was yesterday. How did it go? Is your HCG down to 0? Also, did you talk to your doctor about testing and developing a plan of action? How did that go? I've been thinking about you a lot.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi girls :) Topanga cannot believe your almost out of the first tri already . It seemed to go really fast !!!!! I'm still waiting for the go ahead to try. ! Next appointment 22nd June so we will see what happens at that 

Cary I hope your doing ok , well as well as you can be . I'm hope your faith brings you some comfort . Hope your appointment went well . Please keep in touch xx

Hi to everyone else :)


----------



## skyesmom

oh Topanga! unbelievable! 12 weeks already! it did go fast <3 i hope it also goes uneventful and smooth all the way through.

Cary i am also thinking of you a lot and i hope you'll get some answers from your doctors at least. how are you and OH doing?


----------



## Topanga053

Left- I'll be thinking of you on Monday!!! Fingers crossed!!!! 

Cary- hope you're doing well.

Starry- any updates on DS? 

Afm, yeah, between my job which is very busy, our house, and DD, time flies. I can NOT believe that I'm already 12 weeks. With DD, the first tri seemed to go on FOREVER. With this one, it feels like I just blinked and got to 12 weeks! A little scared the rest will go like that and baby will get here before we're ready! I do feel badly because I'm fairly tired still. I can make it through work alright, but by the time I get home at the end of the day, I really just want to sit/lie down on the couch. I don't think DD minds at all (she loves playing by herself), but I still feel so guilty. Otherwise, nothing new here. Gender scan is Aug. 3.


----------



## Left wonderin

Are you finding out the gender ? Do you have any preferences ?


----------



## skyesmom

Gender scan in sight already!!! insane! i'm also super curious to know <3 are we allowed to do a guessing game?


----------



## Topanga053

Yes, we'll be finding out the gender and ABSOLUTELY ya'll are allowed to guess!

Obviously a healthy baby is the most important thing, but both DH and I would like another girl. Where they're so close in age, I would love to be able to have two sisters who are best friends, can play together, have tea parties together, etc. But, we shall see!


----------



## Starry Night

I'm getting girl vibes for you. :pink: Take that for what it's worth. :winkwink:

afm - DS is doing well. He's been in speech therapy for about 2 months now and we're seeing some improvement. It's slow-going but progress is progress. He's also had his first occupational therapy session and goes again this week. His occupational therapist seems to think he is on the higher functioning end of the spectrum.

DD is still not walking but she can do it. We can trick her into taking a step or two here and there but I guess she's not ready mentally. She is a knee-walker though. Her older brother was too. It's really funny. :haha: She's got some words too but isn't really talking. She mainly gestures for communication and I'm hoping that's still a good sign about her not having autism as well. Her doctor was impressed with her at her 12 month check up but it's the 12 to 18 month mark where signs usually show up. It's still wait and see.


----------



## RedWylder

Ugh. Guys I feel so at a loss. A friend of mine just lost her baby girl at 25 weeks. I'm so heartbroken for her I can't stand it. I don't know what to say or do. I feel like anything just won't be enough to communicate how much I understand the grief of pregnancy loss especially since I feel like what she's going through is so much worse than what I did with early miscarriages. I mean she already knew the sex and was feeling movement.


----------



## skyesmom

Red i am so sorry for your friend and her family, and as well as the grief that you are going through.

i find it really hard to "compare" late and early losses in terms of grief and understanding it. i think, down at the ground level - a mother and a father losing their child - the entity of the loss is the same. there is no baby in the end. the difference is that a late loss like that hits everybody harder and comes more of a surprise as the baby has been there for a while, also the slow-bonders usually manage to bond to it within 25 weeks, there's the bump, the kicks, it is all more real - which hurts more in one kind of way - but on the other hand it is way more acknowledged as a tragedy and less brushed off than an early loss, the couple or at least the mother gets way more support, as the news has already been broken and after those magical 12 weeks it seems that nothing can go wrong anymore (to someone who hasn't had losses).

i think you really CAN understand your friends grief - you lost a child, too, in the end. 

late losses have the weight of all that time spent together, growing together, the perfect early scan pics, the heartbeat, the gender scan, the pics, the movements, all those memories... 
early losses have the weight of never having had a chance to live even only that, to have very little to remind you of that baby. to have no monument, no gravestone, no sacred place where to go and grieve, and if you do make one for yourself, chances are you'll get some odd looks about it, while someone with a late loss won't.

late losses are more often met with dead silence, early ones are usually greeted with insensitive comments (i don't know what's worse, silence or "at so and so weeks it wasn't really a baby/what's there to be upset about/you're overreacting/" and of course, the magical "better early than later on" - whenever i heard that comment, all i could hear in my head was my own voice screaming "if you'd have to pick whether to spend 2 years or 5 years with your child, what would you fucking pick???").

maybe when approaching your friend, tell her that you don't know what it means to lose a child so far along, but that you do know how it feels to lose a child, the emptiness inside, how heart wrenching it is to be empty-handed at the EDD. that you don't want to compare your grieves and your situations as it makes no sense, but that it has been the toughest thing that you personally ever went through and that you're there for her.

and if she comes out with something insensitive towards your loss in those very first moments, try not to take it personally and forgive her as quick as you can. that amount of pain and grief can make even the most caring, understanding person lash out and launch venom around... and as much as it hurts and sucks, it is understandable in a way.

i'm sending you a massive massive hug <3 my heart goes out to your friend and to you as well <3


----------



## Left wonderin

Red that's so sad . Your poor friend . I suppose all you can do is be there for her in whatever way she needs . Sometimes its not about what you say , as you know nothing said makes it any better but just knowing people are around to support you is a comfort . Talking about the baby with them can help as many people find it too difficult and tend not to mention the baby as they might upset the person . In fact the opposite is true . Most mums who has suffered a loss WANT to remember their baby , have them acknowledged and remembered . 

Try remember your friend is the same person just a sad version of herself . She may not be ok but she will be . Being with her even is silence is enough sometimes .


----------



## RedWylder

Ladies thanks for the thoughts. It's amazing the insight we have as a collective group. Sugh beautiful words brought on by the common understanding of grief and pregnancy loss. I managed to compose a message to my friend that if nothing else let her know that she was in my thoughts.


----------



## Topanga053

Red, I'm so sorry about your friend. That's horrible. I second what the other ladies said and I'm glad you were able to send her a message. I just wanted to add something I sent to a friend who recently had an early loss. I sent my condolences and said that it had meant a lot to me to have people check in on me periodically, so unless she told me not to, I would send her messages from time to time to check in. I told her she should not feel like she has to say anything back if she doesn't want to talk and I wouldn't be the least bit offended; I just wanted her to know someone was thinking of her.

My prayers for your friend. :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone! Sorry I've been MIA. It was a rough couple of weeks. Three weeks ago my HCG was 47 but they were worried about the lining and blood pooling into the uterus. They thought there was retained tissue and wanted me to take a pill. After the cramping pain I had with the actual miscarriage I told them no way. They were thinking d&c. But, I got AF a week later and the final pieces of tissue came out. As of last Tuesday my HCG was 3 

I'm back to temping but not sure so I'm not really pushing to TTC. The dr mentioned testing me for blood clotting disorders but that I can't do anything for 8-12 weeks. My allergist told me to make sure I get the tests. When I was 16 I had ITP (a blood clotting disorder) and there is a connection since they are both autoimmune diseases. On top of that I was diagnosed with graves (hyperthyroid) which is another autoimmune. 

If that is the case then I have a good chance of carrying the next pregnancy. 

I'm in a good place now, but it was difficult for awhile.


----------



## Carybear

Red, I'm so sorry about your friend. 

To panga how are you feeling?

Hi Skye... HOWS the new home?

Left... Are you TTC NOW?


----------



## skyesmom

oh Cary thank you so much for your update <3 

i am glad to hear your doctors might be getting onto something that could be a treatable cause of your problems - and since lots of it is autoimmune - maybe you should also get checked for the anti-sperm antibodies, just to rule that out as your difficulty with TTC so far - if it turns out that your body developed antibodies against your OHs sperm, that is also treatable like other allergies and should help the TTC part.

we had a little problem with the new flat as the owner cancelled the rental thing and then got back to us 10 days later apologizing and saying everything is fine in the end, we had a massive shock as we were already getting ready for everything and now we want a better contract and ALL the documentation signed at once (he managed to cancel it all as some documentation on his side was pending).
so we DID get the same great place in the end, after thinking we'd lost it for good for 10 days or so, started looking for other, less convenient and more expensive things and giving up on some nice furniture ideas we've had (we are crafting some ourselves and were in the middle of the carpentry works which are also eating up LOADS of our available space at the moment).

..but all good now. AF was two days late and my boobs were weirdly tender that it almost got me thinking "oh fuck" but deep within i didn't feel pregnant so postponed the testing and bam it showed up. i'm relieved as i've been dragging wooden boards and breathing paint and solvents and saw dust so i'd be terrified if i were pregnant now. 

cary -- i admire your strength so so much. and i keep my fingers crossed for you and your OH with all my heart!

Topanga - i am thinking of you a lot as well and impatiently waiting for august 3rd! how are things at yours?

Starry - how r your little rainbows doing?

Left - green light to ttc?

ah ladies, a real-life coffee would be great!


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- I'm so happy that you're in a better place (although I'm sure it's still very hard) and I am ECSTATIC that they think they might have found the cause for your MCs. I hope so much that they've identified it, so they can treat it and your next pregnancy can be your rainbow. I want that *so badly* for you!!! You definitely deserve it. Please keep us updated with the testing!!!

Skye- ahhh so much stress!! So glad to hear that the rental is back on and that AF showed up (well, not really GLAD about that one, as much as I'm happy since you would have worried so much and don't want your BFP quite yet... but I'm definitely ready for the day that that BFP does come!!!).

Afm, everything is going fine, as far as I know. Really just waiting for August 3rd. Our 7 year wedding anniversary is on August 1, so hopefully the scan goes well and it's a nice little anniversary present. I'm still worried, obviously. I'm not sure that ever goes away completely, but this time is easier. Less worrisome.

Anyway, we already had a photo shoot with our favorite photographer scheduled for the following week (we made that apt LOOONNG before this BFP.. we just wanted some uptodate pictures with LO), so the timing is perfect. If the scan goes well, we'll do a gender reveal in the professional pics with LO, so that will be fun. Still trying to decide how we would want to do it.

How's everyone else??

Left-- any news???


----------



## Left wonderin

Well. I just got me a bfp !!!!! 4 weeks 2 days . I'm terrified !!


----------



## Topanga053

Left, congrats!!!! I didn't wen realize you were officially TTC again.. that was fast!!! How are you feeling?


----------



## skyesmom

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!! LEFT!!!! Massive congrats!! I literally jumped up when i read your update!! that WAS quick indeed!! 

wishing you the stickiest bean ever!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Well we only got the go ahead on the 22nd of June .... Mmmm think I got pg that night !!! Lol... I'm terrified .... But so so happy . I feel a little icky already which is earlier than last time . Its just there in the background ..... Waiting for the dry heaving to start any day now lol.... I'm going to try so hard not to worry but its almost impossible !


----------



## skyesmom

i think this LO was just waiting in the clouds for you to give it a go!


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye it definetly was Devine intervention !!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Left- so crazy it was so fast! And you never know about the symptoms. A lot of people say second pregnancies are harder, but this one has been very easy for me so far. I'm 15 weeks, no vomitting, and only about 30 seconds of nausea!! 

I had an apt yesterday. Everything went fine. One funny moment though. A lot of people tend to think that I'm older than I am (professional career, and I'm boring and act like I'm 50 lol). Anyway, age came up and my OB (who's 35) was like, "I was going to remind you before that you're at advanced maternal age this time around (35+), but then I remembered you're still in your twenties." :haha: she said she always thinks I'm her age and always forgets im still in my 20s. Lmao to be fair, I do too. I honestly feel about 40 in my head and it freaks me out when I remember my real age lol.


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga - first - SOOOO good to hear that your appointment went good and that you're having an easier pregnancy this time around... i know it's an old wives tale, but less nausea - less female hormones - maybe it's a boy this time around!?!?!? (gender guessing game ahha!) 

and regarding your age: you also sound way more mature, understanding and experienced than someone in their twenties! and your career is also way ahead of time :) congrats on that, really!

I had the opposite "issue", as i'm 33 and look and dress as if i were mid twenties... it was always like that though, when i was 15 i hardly hit the puberty (no period till very late either!) and i remember my parents being constantly pulled over by cops because it ain't legal for an 11/12 year old to sit at the front passenger seat lol.

then when i started working more serious jobs at 23/24, and later on, i'd either get exchanged for a student/intern (and sometimes even patronized!), or people who'd i'd be emailing or phoning for months would come and visit and before i'd introduce myself they'd ask to be taken to Dr. Skyesmom haha.

so funny how people automatically assign their age to you though. i keep thinking that everybody between 25 and 40 are my age.

Left - when is your first appointment?? i'm so so excited for you!


----------



## Left wonderin

Well as the old lady of the group I still feel 30 !!! Most people tell me I look it too . No one ever guesses my age !! Hopefully my eggies are young at heart too !!! Skye I've not booked any appointments yet just went to my GP. ( family doctor) have to go get bloods on Monday to check tsh levles and make sure level of meds ok now I'm pg . Those levels will be sent to he obgyn/ endo specialist clinic and they will send out appointment . I also have to book a regular booking appointment for 12 weeks ( early sept) and I might try book an early scan at 8 weeks in the Epu ( early August ) I've lots to organise :)


----------



## Left wonderin

This is me :) 30 ? Lol
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 37.8 KB
Views: 6


----------



## skyesmom

OMG Left he is so so so precious, and no, i'd never give you your age or call you an old lady! but gosh, he grew sooooo much!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Gosh that even almost 5 months ago , here he is now
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 32.8 KB
Views: 3


----------



## skyesmom

love your upside down pics! he;s gorgeous!


----------



## Carybear

Congrats Left!


----------



## Starry Night

Left - many congrats!! And your little man is so adorable. And yeah, if you told me you were 30 I'd believe you and I'm 32. ha ha 

Topanga - glad things are going well so far. 

afm - spending a few weeks with my parents. I am thinking the vacation is a bit too long for my son. He is very homesick but DH flies out tomorrow so I'm hoping that helps until we go home just over a week from now.

And when we get home we'll be getting a new furbaby. :) We had to put down our old cat due to severe aggression issues (she never adjusted to us having kids and she was becoming violent towards everyone). We're still pet people so when our friend's cat had kittens we went to visit and we let our kids play with them. The one that tolerated the abuse was the one for us. DD pulled on one kitten's head and ears and it didn't even meow in protest. The mother cat was very friendly too. We had had a child-friendly cat when DS was a baby but it got hit by a car. :(

So yeah, pretty excited for our new addition. Not sure if it's a boy or girl yet. LOL I didn't check at the time as it was still really little. It's white with grey patches.

I did dream last night that I suddenly went into labor and was "pregnant but didn't know it". Kind of made me happy. lol But DH will not go for it. At all. Oh well. ;)


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry never say never lol...... Oooh and I want photos of your new fur baby !!!! Have you choosen a name yet ???


----------



## skyesmom

Starry that is so so so cute!!! i second Left on the pics of the new furbaby! sounds too cute <3 <3 <3 and i'm not even a pet person! (or better say, i'm not a pet person in big cities with small apartments!) 

a children-friendly cat :) i found it so funny how you described it, never had pets before so i have no idea of how different they can be with kids!

congrats on the new addition!

i hope your DS gets a bit less home sick when his daddy is around... and regarding that pregnant dream, as Left said never say never... ;)


----------



## Starry Night

Well, AF started yesterday so I think my dream was more wishful thinking. LOL I really am struggling with our decision to be done. I had always pictured having a larger family (3 to 4 kids). But my body is JUST starting to get back to normal after having DD and she is 13 months now. I've also had massive migraines since she was born which I'd never really dealt with before. Never mind the post partum depression I'm still struggling with. The medication is doing wonders but I definitely need it. My mom is begging me to be done and our finances aren't great either. But that dream is SO hard to let go.

And we don't have our furbaby yet. It was still very little when we met it and I was leaving for my 3 week vacation the next day. So we're getting it when we return home. So 2 more weeks (maybe a little less).

I actually like mean kitties and they like me so I wasn't allowed to pick out the kitten. I think mean kitties are interesting. Our mean cat loved me but hated the rest of the planet. Friends were starting to get scared to come over. :nope: Our child-friendly cat was pretty boring, to be honest. LOL

I think cats need silly names so I was thinking something along the lines of Pancakes or Pickles....love the food names! Our old cats were Waffles and Chocolate. But I'm also kind of fond of the name Bandit.

DH likes the ironic names like Titan or Thor.


----------



## Starry Night

Our son is more of a dog person (he was more interested in our friend's dog than the kittens) but I'm not willing to commit to that yet. DH had a really bad experience with a dog attack as a child so raising a puppy would be my job and that's just too much work with small children. But we do have the yard for one. One day. I'm also contemplating getting my son a service dog for his autism. I would skip the whole puppy phase that way. lol


----------



## Starry Night

Got an email from my friend and she said our chosen kitten is turning out to be the shyest one so we may need to reevaluate. There was a charcoal-grey kitten that I had fallen in love with. I hope it's not mean. LOL

Anyways, this is the kitten we are most likely ending up with (seeing how she does when we bring the kids to play with them again). And yeah, found out this one is a SHE. Team Pink. LOL
 



Attached Files:







pickles.jpg
File size: 41.9 KB
Views: 2


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry she is adorable :) looks a little mischievous;)


----------



## skyesmom

cuteness overload!


----------



## Starry Night

Well, we picked up our new furbabies today. Yup. FurbabieS. Plural. I'm such a sucker and DH is a bigger sucker for giving in to me. :mrgreen: Though we were wrong about which team we were joining. Now that the kittens are bigger they are most definitely Team Blue. :twinboys: We've named them Pickles and Pepper as in "Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers". Pickles is white with grey patches (the one in the photo I shared). He's the shy/timid one. And Pepper is nearly all grey with a bit of white on his chest and paws. Our camera battery died and is still charging so now photos yet.

The kids are over the moon about their new kitties. But they still need to be properly introduced. Trying to think of a good way to do that without traumatizing the kittens. It took me all night to get them to let me hold them. We do have an old baby gate. I just need to figure out how to set it up in such a way the kids can't knock it over with their enthusiasm. And also I need to decide how long to keep the kittens and kids separated. I know Pickles will NOT like their noise and smothering.


----------



## Topanga053

Ahh they sound so adorable Starry!! I don't have any advice on how to introduce them to your LOs, but congrats on the new additions!!! Post new pictures please!!!

AFm, I have a question. For those of you with LOs already, did your DH stay home from work at all after the birth? If so, for how long? And was that part of paid parental leave in your country?

DH took 1 week off with DD and he wants to do the same with this one. It's really important to me that he take two weeks which I keep telling him, but I think he feels strongly about one week. He gets no paid parental leave (welcome to the U.S. lol), but his job is nice and will let him take one week "off the books", so to speak. I really want him to use vacation time to take a second week. 


I had mild PPD with LO and being home alone all day during the dark winters was very difficult. I missed DH a lot. This one is due late Dec, so I'll have the same problem with really dark days and lots of snow storms and that's wicked depressing and I think makes my PPD worse. I'm worried about being all alone again for 7 weeks (I take 8 weeks off from work). I've explained all that to DH, but I don't think he really gets it. He says two weeks is a lot to be out of work, but I also have a high stress job and Im out for 8!!! So I don't think 2 is a lot to ask!!

Thoughts?? Am I being too pushy/unreasonable? Is DH being unreasonable? How else can I try explaining to him how important it is to me that we have just 2 weeks as a family???


----------



## Topanga053

Also, I really, really don't want this to come across as insensitive to anyone else on the board. I'm incredibly grateful for #2, but I did find it difficult to cope last time with the physical recovery and PPD and being alone all day when it was dark and freezing outside.


----------



## RedWylder

My hubby took 2 weeks off and that didn't feel like enough. I really enjoyed our family time and hated giving that up. PLUS that whole first week is a blur anyways. So the extra week gives you a bit more time to settle into it.


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks, Red! I really appreciate the feedback. I think I've finally convinced DH to do two weeks, although he may work from home during part of it, that's fine, as long as he's here.

In other news, we had our anatomy scan this morning. Everything looks good annnddd..... we're team :blue: this time! Eeekkk!! I don't even know what to do with a boy!!! 

We're keeping it secret for now. We're doing a gender reveal Wednesday evening with immediate family (we're going to have Lauren smash/eat a cupcake with blue frosting inside) and then do a public announcement in a week or so, I think.


----------



## skyesmom

sorry for being offline girls, we are on the road right now so not much internet around!!! Topanga, I KNEW you were team blue!!! :)))))

soooo good to hear!! you were on my mind these days and when i finally reached a stable internet connection today i was like YAY!! finally!!


gonna be fun with two of each :) :) :)


----------



## RedWylder

Yay! A boy will be fun!


----------



## Starry Night

:happydance: Congrats on Team Blue, Topanga! Having one of each is really fun but I get the nerves. I remember feeling that way when I found out my second rainbow was to be a girl. But you get into the swing of things. The baby stage, at least, there isn't that much difference. As they get older? Well, can't help you there because I'm still waiting to find out. :winkwink:

And you're not being insensitive. It's understandable to have concerns. Concerns don't negate your gratitude. And PPD SUCKS the BIG one. I didn't have it that bad with DS but with DD it was just awful. My DH was between jobs at the time so he was home but he was also going through his own funk which didn't really make him "present". My parents came for a visit a day after DD was born and my mom stayed on for 2 weeks to help around the house. DH found a new job shortly after that so I was alone all day with a toddler and a newborn with severe PPD. And last summer the mosquitos were so bad we couldn't get outside. I'm not even exaggerating. I could last 5 minutes tops and both my kids looked like they had a case of the hives. 

I would talk to your doctor about possibly setting up regularily scheduled meetings after the baby is born just to keep tabs on you. Just knowing you're being looked after helps a lot. :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

And as for me, DH is starting to talk more about getting a vasectomy. I knew this was coming but still hard to wrap my mind around. It's so hard getting out of the TTC mindset. I had only been in it for 5 years! And doesn't help I'm ovulating right now. Having all sorts of baby/pregnant dreams and all are tinged with sadness.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I'd guess the finality of it is hard to imagine .it would be hard to move on and let go .


----------



## skyesmom

Starry that is a tough one to hear. Vasectomy is reversible to some extent though so it is not a 100% a final decision but it still requires a proper surgical intervention to reverse it, so it is not a piece of cake. Ultimately, it is his body but that decision affects both of you for good... really a tough position to be in.

have you told him how you feel about it?

the only "romantic" side to it is that having a vasectomy done is also some sort of a declaration like: "i want to have children only with you and no one else, ever".

what made my OH and me realize we wanted kids together was him talking about wanting to donate his sperm very VERY early on in our relationship (we were maybe 6-8 weeks together) and i felt like someone has hit me in my guts - i couldn't bear the thought of his unknown biological children walking around and him having kids with anyone else other than me (selfish, i know, but i just couldn't live with that!). i told him that and he told me his main reason behind doing a donation was that he could get a free in-depth semen analysis like that ( :dohh: :dohh: :dohh: ) - and that's how we started the whole baby topic in the first place.

i hope your OH holds off from it for a while.


----------



## skyesmom

Left? Red? Topanga? how are you all doing? when are your next appointments Left? 

we are on the road on holidays until the end of the week and then hopefully over the next few weeks our new flat will be done and ready for the move! i honestly can't wait... and my lovely OH has been more cuddly than usual lately (and he's already really cuddly and sweet) which just makes it all even nicer <3


----------



## Starry Night

skye - that's so lovely about your oh being extra snuggly. Sounds like this road trip is just what you need. I hope your new flat is ready when you get back.

afm - dh and I are in agreement about the vasectomy. And he does know about my reservations. I think I may be sentimental. A reversal would cost 10 grand (or so I heard) so no going back. I have thought about "what if I die?" then I'm dooming a potential future relationship with him to no shared children. But I don't think I can live so morbidly. Well, I'll always be morbid....been that way since a child...but I can't base major decisions off of that. 

DH has only ever wanted 2 kids and I know my body really can't handle another pregnancy. I was recently talking to my mom about some of the physical issues I'm sort of still dealing with since having DD and she begged me to be done. I do think it's for the best. But darn that heart!


----------



## RedWylder

I'm doing alright. I'm actually preparing for a huge life change. I've quite my teaching job (many tears were shed over that) and I'm headed to nursing school. It's going to be a rough 2 years. I won't be TTC until at least my 2nd year of school. I can't imagine being pregannt and wrestling a toddler.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red neither can I !!!!!! Lol.... But for me it was now or never ......... Ill let you know how I get on !
Ooh big changes :) but very exciting !!!!! Good luck on your new adventure


----------



## Starry Night

Red - that's exciting about nursing school! I can imagine it would be tough to decide to switch careers. My DH went through that when I was pregnant with DD. But in the end it can be all for the best. Good luck with your schooling!

My kids are just about 3 years apart. It is a little tough. It helps that they are absolutely smitten with each other -- for the most part although DD has finally mastered the word "mine" so that is starting some battles. :haha: If my first pregnancy after my son had worked out there would have only been a 22 month gap. Can't imagine! ha ha


----------



## Left wonderin

If this little beanie is a sticky there wil be 25 months between mine ..... Gulp !!!!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> And as for me, DH is starting to talk more about getting a vasectomy. I knew this was coming but still hard to wrap my mind around. It's so hard getting out of the TTC mindset. I had only been in it for 5 years! And doesn't help I'm ovulating right now. Having all sorts of baby/pregnant dreams and all are tinged with sadness.

Awww hun. :hugs: I can't imagine how difficult that is. After this baby, the plan is for DH to get a vasectomy. I know I'm going to really struggle with it too, even though it makes sense. Like you said, after being in a TTC mindset for so many years, it's going to be SO HARD to get out of it, and really sad too, to be honest.

I don't know if I'm done being pregnant though. Surrogacy is definitely something I still think about a lot and DH thinks it's an awesome idea. He thinks it would be an amazing gift to be able to give to someone else, as long as I want to do it. It's so nice that he's supportive. I was worried he would think it was weird (you know, his wife carrying someone else's kid lol), but he really loves the idea. I'm also hoping that will help me cope when we're done TTC and having kids ourselves. It's really kind of a loss you have to grieve, isn't it? Maybe it's hard too when you've lost a pregnancy, so you're even more emotionally invested in TTC, I don't know. I wonder about that sometimes. 



RedWylder said:


> I'm doing alright. I'm actually preparing for a huge life change. I've quite my teaching job (many tears were shed over that) and I'm headed to nursing school. It's going to be a rough 2 years. I won't be TTC until at least my 2nd year of school. I can't imagine being pregannt and wrestling a toddler.

Oh wow, big changes, Red!!! I'm sure that's nerve wracking, but super exciting!! Can't wait to hear how it goes!!!



Left wonderin said:


> If this little beanie is a sticky there wil be 25 months between mine ..... Gulp !!!!!!

You'll do great, Left!! There will be 22-23 months between Lauren and this new one, if everything keeps going well. I'm excited. I know it will be a lot of work having two kids who are both so young, but DH and I decided if we were going to have another kid, we both really wanted them as close in age as possible. Lol I would have been ok with Irish twins, TBH! We started TTC early enough to have them too, but it took us about a year again to get pregnant, so that wasn't in the cards! 

Otherwise, everything is fine with me. 20 weeks today, which is insane. DH and I can't believe we're half-way through this pregnancy... it's going by SO MUCH FASTER than it did with Lauren. We're really excited to meet #2, but worried about finances. I'm in the US, so daycare, etc is insanely expensive and we don't get any help. I know we'll make it through, but it will definitely be an adjustment! We'll be paying about a full mortgage every month in daycare costs!!


----------



## skyesmom

oh wow girls so many news in this thread!!!
i will reply to all of you in detail tomorrow, just wanted to add that OH and i are full on into renovating the new place, it is gonna be great!! 

also - i told him i am really happy we ain't pregnant this time around while moving/renovating the flat as both my losses happened while doing it and he said sure it is a good thing but then asked when are we ttcing/ntnping again!!

can't explain you the happiness as he was the one getting cold feet from time to time!


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye that is happy news :) so pleased for you oh is in a good place :) so what was your answer to his question ????? Lol... 

What are you renovating ? Any pics ?


----------



## Topanga053

Ahhhh Skye!!! Such good news on all counts!!! And I second Left -- pictures and what did you say??


----------



## skyesmom

:) :) :) i'll send you the pics when it is all done via private message, OH forbids disclosing private pics online (of kids as well, so i already know i will have to share our future LO's pics through a common private message to all of you girls!!)

We are painting the whole place over as previous owners were heavy smokers so it REALLY needed a makeover as none of us smokes and we're pretty sensitive to that smell. we are also building our own furniture (well, at least a part of it).

i've scrubbed so much stuff of the floors these days that i feel like a professional cleaning lady, a heavy duty one that get called to clean the flats up after someone has passed away in it for a while. i'm not an OCD when it comes to cleaning at all but here... this flat needed a total disinfection due to smoke and the way the kitchen was kept :/

I told to OH i want to wait one cycle after the move just to make sure not to have our egg affected by the paints and cleaning products we are breathing in daily, and lifting heavy stuff. i KNOW i am paranoid but i lost my first LO 2 weeks after renovating (with my ex) and the second LO 2 days after the move :/ 
So if i consult our calendar, i think it will be the beginning of october <3 my AF is due before we are done with building and painting the furniture, so it leaves the august/september cycle out, but oh well... pregnancy after a loss is enough of a torture by itself that i want to eliminate at least SOME of the worry factors. 
Also got a OB/GYN appointment booked for the first week of septmeber, a general check up so... :)

now to YOU girls!!

Red: Career change is a VERY brave move, especially when it involves a years long schooling program. i think nursing is also a mission and not only a job, as you are in such close touch with people and well... we all know here how much nurses with a bit of empathy can change your life in hard moments.

Topanga: SO glad to hear that this pregnancy is running faster than the one with Lauren... at least i get an impression you are also less anxious this time around. Maybe it has to do also with the fact that this one is a boy so all your hormones are 
different as well?

as far as the small age gaps are concerned: 
1) you ALL are REALLY brave women!!
2) your LO's are lucky to have a sibling close in age to fave fun/fight with :) 
3) like this, all big changes and phases in life (kindergarten, school, high school, college, etc) kinda come together and your kids grow independent together

our initial plan was to have three kids with small age gaps but now we decided to go only for one - unless we get surprised by twins, which is not out of question as we got them running on both sides of the family, we're over 30 and tall... so all those extra factors are in for us...


----------



## skyesmom

girls, just to let you know that we are now all set in our new love nest. it was an insane amount of work and we most definitely need another vacation after this to recover from all the work. i could barely stand on my feet by the end of the day for three weeks in a row, and can't imagine doing it all if i were pregnant.

also on the good side, my GP wanted to run a general blood test exactly in this period of complete exhaustion and also under these circumstances it all came back perfect which is great to know as we both haven't been sleeping much or eating well as we usually do (we mostly ate poorly just sth quick to keep us going while renovating, as opposed to healthy home made meals we are both into usually).

still don't know when we're back to ntnp/ttc, as i feel my body needs a week of SPA right now, i think every bone inside of me hurts and dtd on top of all right now would be a chore. oh well. a week or two and we'll be fine.

how are all of you doing? Topanga and Left, how are your bumps? Any news Carey?
Starry?

miss your feedback girls :)


----------



## Starry Night

I'm glad that you're all settled in now and that your blood tests came back perfect amidst all the chaos of moving and setting up house. :thumbup: Give yourself a little bit to relax and then hop onto the TTC train. :haha: 

Things are kind of same old, same old over here. I can't believe it's the last day of August though. Where did the summer go??? Trying not to think that this is the last full year before my son goes off to kindergarten. What am I doing to do without my baby with me all day? :cry: But I have to think about it because I need to apply for special needs funding and individual education plan. Stressing a bit because autism often gets denied (even when support is needed) and my son is fairly high functioning. I'm hoping that issues like his bolting/running away and language issues will improve a lot in the next year.

DD is slowly but surely walking more and more. My son was a late walker (21 months) but once he started he just up and went with is. With my daughter, however, she took her first solo steps months ago but is still not quite running around yet. Two weeks ago she decided she was finally ready to truly give it a go but is still crawling a lot too. It's getting more and more though. She's also talking a lot too. The words aren't very clear but she asks for things and will point out things that are interesting. I'm starting to be hopeful that she does not have autism.

And I'm loving life with my new kitties. I have one of them curled up on my lap right now. :cloud9: The kittens like DH and I the best but they do like the kids and are quite tolerant of them. They have had tails, ears, fur and even skin pulled and have never once fought back. They will even play with the kids sometimes. My son lugs them around and will shake them up and down and they still come back for more. I am really trying to teach my kids to be gentle but it's slow going! I'm just so thankful for gentle kittens. Our last cat was so hostile to them that I spent so much time afraid. We had to eventually put her down because of it. I still miss her though. She was "my" cat and she was actually very loving with me and was so silly. She was a good cat for us when we were a childless couple. But even our friends were scared of her. She hissed at anyone who wasn't myself or my husband.


----------



## skyesmom

just a little update... been to the ob/gyn and all is clear, she said my ovaries looked great and all and gave us her blessing to ttc... relieved to hear that all is good. still deciding when to go back on that train. 

i realized how stressy this summer was for me with the move and all, and i think i may wanna wait for another few weeks/month before trying. i came to the point of exhaustion being my state of art and i forgot how it felt to be "normal" again, and i think i want to enjoy that feeling for a little bit before going into the ttc. 

i think being stress-free for a bit can only be helpful - at least that is what my body is telling me and i decided to listen to it better.


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies, sorry for being MIA, but glad to hear that everyone is doing well. Starry, so glad that you guys are enjoying the kittens. I bet they are adorable!

Skye- take your time re: TTC! As you know, it can be stressful anyway, so if you're still stressed from the move, definitely don't feel as though you need to rush it. Take your time and start again when your body feels relaxed!! I have a good feeling for you!! Are you guys still liking the new place??

Afm, a little over 25 weeks now. I definitely have a bit of a bump. We did some professional pictures with Lauren a couple of weeks ago. As soon as we get those back, I'll try to remember to post one or two on here. Life has been really busy here recently. LO had a cold this week and I caught it from her. Thankfully it's very mild, but 25 weeks pregnant + head cold + not sleeping + INSANELY busy at work + toddler who's starting to throw constant temper tantrums = one tired Momma! I finally just really crashed today. I can't take time off because work is too busy at the moment, but I'm really dragging. I know I just need to get through the next couple of weeks and then things will slow down and I can take a day or two off, if I need to. I wouldn't trade it for the world though, so that does make the difficult days bearable. 

Left- how are you feeling???? any updates??

How is everyone else?


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Topanga life sounds as hectic as mine !!!!! I'm still feeling uck to add to the mix !!!! But the pure exhaustion is going thank god . I was starting to seriously worry how was I going to manage 2 !!!! Lol

Skye excited for to follow you ttc again :) I still want pics of the house ;) 

Cary I think of you often xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I'm excited to see bump photos, ladies. :winkwink:

skye - take all the time you need. TTC is stressful enough as it is when we are on board 100%. Having reservations wouldn't help. Just enjoy your new home and life with OH right now.

left - sorry you're still feeling icky. With my DD the ickiness didn't leave until a little after 20 weeks. I am glad the exhaustion is going. And don't worry, you adapt to two eventually. I couldn't imagine it any other way now.

afm - still sometimes have secret wishes for a third but I think it's more missing the excitement and anticipation of being pregnant (rose-coloured glasses, anyone???) and watching my little girl growing up and not wanting to be done with the baby phase yet. I am so darn sentimental! :blush: But I know deep down I don't really want another. I keep hounding my dH to book his vasectomy because this back and forth in my head is torture. I just want it to be finalized!

DD is FINALLY walking more than she is crawling/knee-walking. Her first steps were nearly 5 months ago but she really has taken her time taking to walking. She has gotten so fast with her knee walk that I guess she felt it was better to do that. But as she has gotten more confident in her walking she's finally realizing that walking on her feet is easier and ultimately faster. She is chasing after her older brother loads now. I love her bow-legged tottering around. :haha:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry ill be coming after you for tips ;) lol it took Sean a full 5 months too after his first steps to walk fully !!!


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies!

Still not too much new here, other than the usual craziness. This pregnancy is still flying by and LO is growing like a weed. We got some teasers back from our photography session, so I figured I would share some of those, as well as a picture I saw on Facebook tonight that really touched me.

Me, DH, and LO:
https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/12038597_10153244722218507_3301608764849488199_o_zpsgikv092u.jpg

Bump! (And growing more every day...) (Not my favorite picture of myself, but it's the only one I have of my bump right now!)
https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/12049592_10153244723098507_1107851629786761032_n_zps8i71efqo.jpg 

This picture of LO melts my heart EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/12038692_10153244722228507_5907005533994290728_o_zpsfivho0tk.jpg


And finally, an absolutely breathtaking picture I saw on Facebook tonight. This woman and her husband have had 5 miscarriages and they wanted to have a photo that captured their entire family, so they asked the photographer to photoshop in shadows of the 5 children they lost. It's one of the most moving, touching things I've seen. I thought you ladies would also find it touching.

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/12105737_928664203874343_6519783129615050033_n_zpsynfh3snx.jpg


How is everyone else doing????


----------



## skyesmom

wow Topanga!!! what a LOVELY update!! you and your family look amazing and i LOVE the bump picture!!! can't believe how the time has flown by!! and Lauren is end-cute on that pic!! melts my heart to see her that big too!

and as for the last picture... wow. really really touching and brave. October is the month of the pregnancy loss and I am still thinking how to honor it this year. That picture tells so much...

afm, on my AF now and never been so happy to see it come as this time around - just because of some dentist appointments that included x-ray imaging, and of course they ask you if you're pregnant and don't do any x-ray imaging if you are. I knew the chances were slim, but then... i was relieved. I think i would have gotten nuts with worry if it would have happened on this cycle.

otherwise it is all fine here, OH is super cuddly lately and i am very much enjoying it.

..also, i managed to throw a baby shower for my SIL without feeling like crap, i actually enjoyed it and it is the first baby shower that I have attended without thinking not for ONCE that i am still childless, i still can't believe it has happened. we threw her a surprise party, she wasn't suspecting anything and cried her eyes out ;) ok ok, i know it doesn't take much to get a pregnant lady to cry, but still... i consider it a milestone for me. 
SIL knows about my losses and she is one of the most supportive people i have in my life, she also didn't have it easy with having children and she's one of those people who take care not to moan about pregnancy issues or kids in front of people who are still TTC or had losses, and i adore her for that.

oh well! Left, how is your pregnancy going?? any updates?

Starry, Cary, Red...? Rayray, if you ever get back on bnb, would be great to hear your news <3 <3 <3

miss you ladies! xxx


----------



## Topanga053

skyesmom said:


> ..also, i managed to throw a baby shower for my SIL without feeling like crap, i actually enjoyed it and it is the first baby shower that I have attended without thinking not for ONCE that i am still childless, i still can't believe it has happened. we threw her a surprise party, she wasn't suspecting anything and cried her eyes out ;) ok ok, i know it doesn't take much to get a pregnant lady to cry, but still... i consider it a milestone for me.

I'm so happy for you!!! That IS a major milestone!! Definitely one I was never able to meet. I am so, so impressed!!! :thumbup: 

Yes, Left, how are you doing?? How are along are you now anyway? Any ultrasounds yet??


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi ladies , I'm heading to 18 weeks almost half way !!!! One us at 11 weeks and nothing since , next one on the 6 the novmember . Have been feeling baby move for the last 2 weeks or so like popping popcorn :) 

Skye your SIL is lucky to have you , hope she returns the favour one day soon ;) 
Topanga you look amazing !! And as for that amazing daughter of yours soooo cute :)


----------



## skyesmom

regarding the baby shower thing: i still have NO idea how i have reached this point, but it did happen and i'm endlessly grateful for it!:flower:

and my SIL really deserved a present like this, she's one of the people who supported us the most over the last few years. and yes, i hope she returns the favor one day, not because i think she won't but because that would mean i'd be having a baby :))))))))))))))))))) :happydance::happydance:


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone! Topanga I love the pics!

Hi Skye...

Hi left... Thanks for your thoughts.. I've really been able to heal from the last miscarriage and while it just sucks I know that I'm in a good place...

So happy for you both... No news on my end. Just lots of work and little rest...


----------



## skyesmom

Cary! so good to hear from you :hugs: :hugs: 

i wish i could hug you now for real :hugs: glad to hear you were able to heal from the last loss, even just a bit. i'm thinking of you often... 

...yesterday for october 15th i was really surprised that some of my friends remembered to put a candle (and set me pics as well), without me needing to remind them of the date and occasion. was really really touching for me. 

all in all this time of year, with october as a remembrance month and the third anniversary of my EDD approaching, it kind of gets me moody a bit, but hey... i'm managing it way better than before.

also got the news that two of my friends are expecting, one of them is my dearest friend from college times, and it is as if one of my closest family members were expecting. took them over 2 years to conceive so i couldn't be happier for her. 
the other is an acquaintance and i don't have such a close connection to her, and while i ain't jealous, i did have a moment of "fuck, everybody around us is having babies and my arms are still empty and i really want one." maybe because she's one of the people i didn't picture with a family in the next few years due to her demanding career, and she always kind of focused on that more (unlike my other friend who i knew was TTC without success - and also without any apparent fertility issue). oh well. rant over!

thanks for being there ladies <3


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- so good to hear from you!!! I'm so glad you're doing well. I think about you a lot. You are, as always, a much stronger person than I will ever be. I admire you.

Skye- so happy that your friends remembered! That's so touching!!!! But I am sorry about the newest announcements. That is so difficult. It's completely natural to feel the way you are, as you know. But you and Cary are both so strong. I know you'll handle this with grace. Any idea when you're going to get back on the TTC train? 

Left- omg! I can't believe you're that far along already!!!! It feels like just yesterday you told us. Then again, I can't believe I'm almost 30 weeks. Seriously. I literally do not believe it.


----------



## skyesmom

30 weeks??? when did that happen???


----------



## Topanga053

I don't know!!! I will be 30 weeks on Wednesday. I honestly can't believe it. This pregnancy has flown by. I still don't really believe were about to have another kid (DH doesn't either!). I don't feel as mentally prepared this time. Crazy to think that soon we'll have to pack our hospital bags and put the newborn swings, etc out again.


----------



## skyesmom

It has flown by indeed!!

As for us and TTC, so far i was the one who always brought the subject up, OH was the one who needed some encouragement and got cold feet a couple of times. yet strangely this time after our friends broke the news of expecting, especially the second friend, who is actually his close friend, it somehow hit him more than usual. Almost more than it hit me.

We're already late for this cycle but maybe the end of next month or december could be good. what made me really happy is that OH is warming up to the idea again on his own, without me needing to bring the subject up and that is a huge relief!


----------



## Topanga053

Oh Skye, that's great!!! So heartwarming that he's thinking about it on his own. My DH never did. I had to drag him kicking and screaming with Lauren. Which is ironic, because he is COMPLETELY obsessed with her and he was actually the one who first brought up the idea of #2. Lol now he thanks me profusely for "forcing" him to have LAUREN because he can't imagine life without her. 

So if your OH is getting excited already, I can only imagine how amazing he's going to be when your time finally comes!!! I really hope it's soon for you. You and Cary both deserve it so much. I still think sometimes about how unfair this journey can be. And you girls are both so strong and wonderful for how you've handled it all. I've said it before, but it's worth repeating- you ladies are both MUCH stronger than me and I really, really admire you.


----------



## skyesmom

oh girls! it's raining babies around me.

last week we had two announcements, well this week we had another FIVE and they are ALL due in April. 

i don't feel devastated (i am sure i would have felt like that a year ago), but what the heck. this is just plain insane.


----------



## Topanga053

:-( I'm glad you're not devastated, Skye, but I'm sure it's not easy. Take care of yourself, hun.


----------



## Topanga053

It's been quiet here, ladies!!

Skye- how are you doing? Still ok after all of those announcements last month? Have you started TTC yet? How's the new place treating you guys? Still liking it??

Left- how are you feeling??

Afm, just over 34 weeks. Been cramping and having lots of discharge, so asked OB to check my cervix yesterday. Baby is head down and I'm 1.5-2cm dilated. I stayed 3cm dilated for weeks with LO, so I know it doesn't mean #2 is coming soon, but still... crazy!! What a wake up call. Starting to think of packing our hospital bags this weekend, just in case. Hopefully baby can wait at least a couple of weeks. For now, no restrictions or anything-- just wait and see.

In the meantime, I have a terrible cold and LO has been waking up screaming a lot the last several nights, so I'm pretty miserable!! Took some time off of work to try to recover, but it didn't help much and tonight I came down with pink eye on top of everything else. Agh!! I'm more than ready to at least be healthy again!!!! But better now than when baby #2 is here!! 

Miss everyone!!


----------



## skyesmom

OMG 34 weeks!! WOW!

i can't believe how quickly it went by! I hope you get well asap so that these last weeks of pregnancy are less tough on you! <3 <3 <3 a bug, plus 3rd tri plus a LO, no wonder you feel down... not even Superman would pull that one off with ease.

...afm: we're solving some minor issues with the flat still but it is finally coming to an end, honestly i can't wait for this to be over. I think i'll be able to fully relax and feel at home only when this thing is done. I think we'll give a go to TTC once this is settled!

I survived to the boom of baby announcements; my angels due date went by too (this year no one remembered... :/ ) and my SIL delivered just one day past my EDD - it all went well with them, luckily! She was due around this time and i dreaded it for ages but when it finally happened it actually made the whole thing easier for me - after our losses and all this waiting, i cherish any child born to my family and friends like the greatest gift ever.

OH and SIL were very sweet, she is the most considerate person in my surroundings and she really takes care not to step onto my wounds - despite being really drained and tired from the birth and no sleep and all, she never says one word of complaint in front of us.

so this is more or less it. my next fertile window is in december, if it is all clear with the flat then we might just as well use it!

hugs to all of your girls! Left, Starry, Carey... any news? xxx :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## skyesmom

Ladies! i though of you the last couple of days so so much! 

i thought i'd have a big xmas surprise for you to share but i don't. we spent the last week on tiptoes, AF was five days late (very very unusual for me) with a spot or two of blood here and there, but only sometimes when i wipe. I had no pregnancy symptoms i had the other times when i was pregnant, other than swollen boobs but that happen sometimes with the af too. I didn't feel pregnant at all but after 5 days like this we were ready to test, as it was getting way too long... to discover that we had no HPTs left at home on sunday night!!!

Both OH and I were shocked :doh: he was like:"YOU have no sticks?? how can that be possible???" we had to laugh our asses off to that one! so we couldn't test and he then said something very beautiful, and that is: "we'll celebrate tomorrow when we test." and i asked what if it's negative, and he said "we'll celebrate us anyway"...

...in the end AF hit me this morning, which confirmed my feelings (and saved us the testing and a BFN delusion - that's the main reason why i kept myself away from testing for 5 days), but it is ok - we are in a very beautiful phase of our relationship now, and it is good just the way it is.

wanted to share this pre-xmas rush of ours - i hope you are all doing well and would love to hear your updates.

Left, if i remember well your angels anniversary is around these days? I am sending you a huge hug :hug: :hug:


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye I'm sorry you didn't get your Christmas suprise , your oh sounds just amazing !!! 

You are so thoughtful .. Tommrow is the day we found out our LO was no longer with us . 3 years ago can't quite believe how time has gone by . We always place a special glass heart for them on our Christmas tree on the day . They are in my heart and mind xxx


----------



## skyesmom

that is such a beautiful way to remember <3 they are always with us, our angels

how is your rainbow pregnancy going?


----------



## Topanga053

Skye- so sorry about the delayed AF. I had a couple of those when we were TTCAL. They're just cruel. I hope your holidays are still joyful and this doesn't put too much of a damper on them.

Left- :hugs: for the anniversary and hope you're handling it well. How's the pregnancy going? I forget - do you know the sex??

Afm, 39+2 today. Craziness. This is further than I was with LO, since I got induced with her at 29+6 and had her at 39 weeks exactly. Everything is going well this time, no sign of pre-e, so just waiting for labor to start on its own. Can't stand the suspense! I was 3.5-4cm dilated at my apt on Monday and had some very mild contractions on Tuesday, but nothing since. Little boy is apparently quite happy where he is!! 

How is everyone else??

Happy Holidays to everyone!!


----------



## skyesmom

OMG Topanga!!!!!! 39+2 !!!! eeeeek!!!! it has flooowwwwn by!!! can't believe anotehr rainbow is due any moment on this thread!!!

all is good here, I think what makes it all ok for me somehow, is the fact that my OH is very enthusiastic about the idea, the "cold feet" days are gone and i don' have to bring the baby talk up again single-sidedly anymore - which is a HUGE relief!

plus SIL delivered in the meantime, and he just loves to play with the new baby, he wasn't this confident around babies before and it all kind of closed a huge wound in my heart.. as for a long while i felt i was the one who was longing more for a baby, and for some time i also felt i was the only one to long and wish for a baby (when OH had cold feet phases).

this alone is a huge gift, and who knows, maybe our rainbow was waiting for this kind of change to come.

Merry Christmas to all of you girls!


----------



## Left wonderin

Skye that IS a huge change and so so significant . I've been on both ends and it makes such a huge difference :) it didn't happen for us when oh had cold feet and was unsure ... But I do believe those little spermy CAN tell when their fully on board! Won't be long now ;)


----------



## skyesmom

Left wonderin said:


> But I do believe those little spermy CAN tell when their fully on board! Won't be long now ;)

i also think so!:thumbup: sounds weird but i think it really does make a difference!


----------



## Carybear

Merry Christmas everyone. This has been a tough one for me. My EDD was New Years Eve... Praying for healthy rainbows to be born.


----------



## skyesmom

Cary... I'm sending you a huge huge huge huge hug :hugs: :hug: :hug: i hope and pray that this new year brings us our rainbows finally... you and your OH and your angels are in my thoughts <3


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Skye... How are you?

I've been extremely busy and did really great with everything until we got to the holidays. I got a card from a friend whose daughter had a miscarriage right before me. Her daughter got pregnant right away and is now due at the end of January. Here I sit 8 months later and no pregnancy. Just gets so frustrating.

My husband and I went to an orientation for fostering/adopting. I think we are going to pursue it.

Other than that... nothing else going on...

Happy New year to everyone


----------



## skyesmom

Cary I admire your strength so much. I don't know how I'd manage to deal with a mc after all this time of waiting to get pregnant again. 

i also do much better in the busy days, when there's lots to do and keep your mind busy; also going off the TTC/NTNP officially for some months helped us cope, at least OH lost the cold feet feeling about it during the break, which is priceless (we stopped because we moved to a new place as I couldn't cope with the thought of getting pregnant while moving/renovating, as i had both my losses during house move/renovation). 

but holidays and EDD/mc anniversaries also bring the blues back to me. it gets easier with every year that goes by, but it's also because we haven't had any recent loss (nor success). i cope well for the most of the time, and then get hit by a tremendous hormonal baby blues for a week or so, and then it somehow goes away.

on holidays and in times when a bunch of friends got pregnant at the same time (we had FIVE pregnancy announcements in late october, followed by another THREE two weeks later), it's loads of mixed feelings for me now - partially a tremendous longing for a baby, and partially also the thought of how the f**k do we fit a baby into a life that finally works really well without one (and was forced to start working well without a child, as there was no other way out of it after a loss for us).

i think that ultimately, being able to live our lives and enjoy them without a child is gonna make us healthier parents one day in the future, as i'm definitely more stable and balanced than in the first year and a half-two since the loss. I think had i gotten pregnant immediately after, i would have become one of those obsessive moms that spoil their kids on one hand, and suffocate them on the other, and that's not who i want to be.

i don't know if this makes any sense, i just wanted to let you know how things are wavering here too.

I'm sending you a huge huge hug <3


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- I'm so sorry that the holidays have been difficult for you. I know your EDD was today; you've been in my thoughts and prayers. It is so unfair. 

How did the orientation go? Although I'm sure it's not your first choice, are you guys excited about the process? What's the next step for you? Are you going to continue TTC in the meantime? 

Afm, 40+1 today, so officially overdue. I had an apt this morning. I'm 4cm dilated, 90% effaced, and baby is RIGHT THERE, but no sign of active labor. Doctor did a membrane sweep and I've had some cramping since. I guess if the sweep will work it will work within 48 hours, so we'll see what the next day or two brings. If I don't go into labor this weekend, I have an ultrasound on Monday to check on baby. Doctor said I could also ask to be induced at this point and since im so far progressed, she doesn't think I would need meds this time... they would just break my water. I might choose to do that early next week if he hasn't come on his own before then. 

How is everyone else doing?


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary thinking of you today .


----------



## skyesmom

thinking of you both Cary and Topanga today <3

ps. Topanga, sounds like you're in for a fast birth there, once it starts.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Skye... and I understand completely.

Thanks Topanga and Left!

Any news Topanga?

New Year's Eve wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Christmas was way harder!!!

I'm back at work and the craziness has begun. So that takes all my time. 

My husband and I did the orientation and now we are starting parenting classes on January 25th. The y are 8 weeks long and then we get a home study done. After that it's just a wait for a call. Not sure how I feel about it. I mean the idea of having a baby who could be adopted or could be sent back to the situation they were pulled from in the first place is hard. DH and I have spent a lot of time discussing how we would deal with that. Right now we are both on board. 

Going this route has eased up the whole Idea that I HAVE to be pregnant... It's not like we have stopped trying, just a much more relaxed approach. The last Miscarriage hurt like nothing I've ever known (And I had pretty bad kidney stones... It took a lot out of me emotionally too... On top of that I have a niece who is pregnant, 2 fellow coworkers and my nephew just announced that he and his new wife (got married in October) are now expecting... I try to tell people all the time: If you want to get pregnant and are having a difficult time, come sit by me... Apparently I am a good luck charm 

Happy New Year to everyone. Here's to 2016 being full of babies for everyone - me included


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I work in the area in Ireland if you have any questions or just want to chat pm me :) my sister who tried to get pg with unexplained infertility for 14 years initially foster a sibling group of 3 ..... She in later years adopted them but then ended up with 4 biological children . From 0-7 children :)


----------



## skyesmom

geez Left that's an insane change of scenario for your sister. also one of my school teachers adopted two siblings after 10 + years of unexplained infertility, and 5 years later she got her first biological child too. 
on another note: how is your pregnancy progressing, how do you feel?

Cary - i get you on everyone else expecting, we're at quote 9 babies in our immediate friend circles (!). it somehow feels like there's been a baby virus going on this october. hopefully we get infected by it too ;)

Topanga - update!!


----------



## Carybear

How are things going Topanga? Any news? 
Left? How are you?

Skye.. How are you? I hear ya on the babies. Our list keeps growing here... But, I'm cool with it. It is what it is and I'm looking forward to the day I get an ultrasound and we see a baby and a heartbeat  First time, I didn't get to the ultrasound (except in the ER) and the second time all we saw was the sack.

My work place is crazy. Its all about the drama right now. I teach fifth grade and last year I had the BEST team! This year we had a teacher leave and got a new teacher right before school started. Then, we had a teacher leave during theyear. I took over her students (I went from teaching 44 to 88) until they could hire a teacher. It seems like all the teachers have turned nasty and so much bickering... UGH... I know why I always hung out with the boys instead of the girls... LOL!

Hoping to hear good news!


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies,

I delivered on New Years Day. The birth story is a fun one, which im sure I'll share another day. I'm sorry for the delay in checking in. LO is beautiful and healthy, but we're dealing with a serious diagnosis, so in addition to being exciting and beautiful, it's also been a stressful, heartbreaking couple of weeks. I will give more details when I feel up to it. For now, please just keep LO and my family in your prayers.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga congratulations on the birth of LO . Sounds like you are going through a rough time . Ill be thinking of you all and offering a prayer xx


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga love! Congratulations on the birth of your LO, i'm looking forward to hearing your story, both the fun and the serious one, whenever you feel like. <3 Sounds indeed like these have been two pretty rough weeks for you, I'm keeping you and all of your family in my prayers <3

lots of love to all of you <3


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga thinking of you , your new bundle and family xxx


----------



## RedWylder

Hi ladies!! Just dropping in to offere congratulations to those who've had more rainbows and sympathy to those still caught in the ttc/ntnp cycle. My heart is with you all even though I don't take the time to write long posts anymore. :)


----------



## skyesmom

hey Red! great to hear from you <3 :) how are you doing? any plans for another baby? (no bfp yet here but i am fishing for new future bump buddies on my favorite thread ;) think positive <3 )


----------



## RedWylder

Um well actually, hubby and I had a whoopsie last night on CD 12. My cylces are fairly regular these days and CD 14 is tomorrow so who knows, right? We don't have plans though. Right now we're planning to move to Idaho this summer so we'll be pretty unstable for a while. But if it happens it happens. I'm not on birth control and refuse to go on birth control until I'm done with kids. I'm pretty sure a large majority of my fertility issues stemmed from years and years of false hormones.


----------



## skyesmom

i totally get you on that re birth control. docs say it's safe and for majority of women it is, but how can you know that you're not among those prior to committing to 5,8,10 years of sedating your reproductive system with fake hormonal balance? i quit after almost 3 years because it wasn't doing me good, my cholesterol was high, and then i lost my period for like about 4-5 cycles, just to have a breakthrough bleeding on the last cycle, after which i was urged to "stop immediately" as they had no idea what was going on.


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone... Hi Red good to hear from you!

So we went to our first parenting class for fostering last night... That was about the most boring thing I have ever seen. The dude was wheezing throughout the whole class. 

Nothing else going on here. Counting down the days until June as this has been a horrendous school year for me...

How is everyone?


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary gosh doesn't sound like a good experience !! It should be an exciting time !! How many have you to go to ??


----------



## skyesmom

geez Cary i think one must have quite some talent to make such classes SO utterly boring! i guess those are a must in order to be able to foster, though?

Left - how are you? not much left?


----------



## RedWylder

Ladies! I just have to share this because it's completely fascinating research. Several women in my mom group on facebook got pregnant after an HSG or some other procedure that might have scratched the uterine lining allowing them to get pregnant. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03lx6s9


----------



## Carybear

Very interesting Red! Thanks! Makes me wonder...

How is everyone???

My news over here is that DH and I are not going to do fostering. DH wasn't completely on board and while it might have been disappointing, it is better to know now.. He said he would like to wait 2-3 years and then discuss it again.

So, I'm just teaching and living my life.. It's not a bad life and I can truly say that I am blessed...

Hope everyone is doing great!


----------



## Carybear

Congrats left!!! I saw on another thread that your new little miss was born... So happy for you! 

I went to the endocrinologist today and she wants to test me for PCOS. I don't really have any symptoms, but she wanted to test so I said ok... Will do some tests in May...

Any news anyone???


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary , that sounds like it could be a step forward for you , sorry to hear your decision around fostering for now but maybe its something you will revisit . I think you would make an awesome foster mum for some lucky children . It is something I hope to do myself in the future . 

And yes baby Anna Bowe arrived on Sunday . All 6lbs 7oz of her . She is like a doll . She came quickly so no time for pain meds ..... Ouch . 

Here she is
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 42.6 KB
Views: 3


----------



## skyesmom

oh wow Left congrats!! same like Topanga, i notice a trend here on this thread, second baby is of the opposite sex compared to the 1st one, plus they arrive so quickly that they give you no chance for pain relief <3 you're a tropper!

she looks beautiful! <3 i'm so happy for you, enjoy your little girl!


----------



## Carybear

She's beautiful Left!


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies! :hi:

I've just caught up on the posts. So glad it seems like everyone is doing well! 

Left, your little girl is beautiful!!! Congrats, hun! How is everyone adjusting so far? Is she letting you get any sleep?

Cary, I'm so sorry that DH isn't ready to move forward with fostering/adoption. You sound like you're fairly ok with it, and I hope that's the case. I would have found it painful, I think, so I hope you're going ok. I think about you a lot. :hugs:

Afm, Brady is 3 months old today (crazy!!!). I know it's been awhile since I've posted. He is the most beautiful baby boy and I am absolutely, head over heels in love with him. It was an insanely quick labor and no time for meds for me either. He was 10lb 0z at birth. OUUUCH!! 

He was born with an incredibly rare problem with his corneas (the clear coating over your eyes), so his corneas are white. As a result, he was born blind. We're certain he can sense light, but the experts don't think he can see much, if anything, more than that because of the severity of the damage. We've been all over the place, meeting with several experts, and we're hoping to do a surgery in a couple of weeks that will hopefully give him some useful vision. It's been a lot to take in, but we're glad we have a plan of action. Please keep my little boy in your prayers, ladies!

Babies born with similar issues sometimes have other problems, such as heart or kidney issues. They did some extra tests on Brady at the hospital, and everything was perfect. He's had some extra appointments, including with a geneticist, and so far everything is fine. He's a HUGE baby and healthy and growing SO quickly! At 2.5 months, he was weighing in at 14 pounds. He is VERY close to growing out of his infant car seat!! 

He's also just started smiling a lot in the last couple of weeks. He is the HAPPIEST baby! He almost never cries/fusses and LOVES it when we play with him. He just lets out the biggest smiles/coos when we start playing with him and he bats at his toys on his play mat a lot. It's so encouraging, since we didn't know what to expect, since he doesn't have any vision right now. 

Lauren is absolutely in love with him. She has nicknamed him "Tiny" (NOT what I said in the delivery room!!!!!!) and that's the only thing she calls him. She absolutely adores him, and tries to share all of her toys and food with him. When he cries, she'll say, "Tiny hungry! Tiny baby bottle!" and run to the fridge, get a bottle, put it down next to him, and say, "Tiny, bottle!!" It's seriously the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Anyway, that's about all of the news here, except that I am already terribly broody for another one, although DH wants to get a vasectomy. :nope:

Miss you all!


----------



## Topanga053

Oh, I forgot to send a picture!

Here's Brady on Easter:


https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/Facebook/SpringSummer%202016/12670888_971433258154_6687728803094723369_n_zpsjbzrz6wi.jpg


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Topanga Brady is absolutly adorable :) and that hair !!!!! He sounds like the sweetest baby :) I'm sure that hearing of Brady,s condition was a huge shock for you and oh :hugs: I'm sure it hasn't been easy .i hope Brady,s scheduled surgery goes well . You will all be in my prayers . Please keep us updated . I only ever knew one person with vision problems , a Friend of mine growing up as a teenager . It never stopped him doing anything in fact as far as I recall he was the one leading us all astray !!! 

Anna was tiny and still is but feeding well , not quite sure where she puts it . Sean DOES not like his sister one bit ! He is having a hard time adjusting , we have had MAJOR meltdowns and he is very angry alot of the time right now . Not quite sure where my sweet little boy has gone :cry: I've been in tears trying to manage his behaviour whilst understanding how he is feeling . Why doesn't parenting come with a manual :shrug:... I'm sure it will get better .......

I too am feeling broody already !!!!! Crazy I know !!! But this is definitely it for me . I'm wayyyy to old now :haha: and OH has said the shop is closed !


----------



## RedWylder

Oh ladies! Those babes are just perfect. Prayers for Brady and for Sean (hehe- he'll adjust eventually). Glad you both have healthy growing little ones.


----------



## skyesmom

Topanga love! Brady is absolutely gorgeous!! And omg hat down one more time for that 10 lb baby without any pain relief!

these must have been a few really intense months for you and your family. i am so glad to hear Brady is thriving, regardless of his scary diagnosis. It is a true blessing that all other tests including the meeting with the geneticist went great.

While reading your post, an interview with a mom who's son has been diagnosed with Downs syndrome post birth came into my mind, for one very important thing she's said: I learned to focus on what my son can do, rather on the things he can't.

With all that love surrounding him, i am sure Brady can reach anything he sets his heart to.

My maths professor at the university was blind from birth on. he's a genius in his field, has published several books that are used in unis across europe, he held his lessons completely autonomously, came to work by bus and joked that his only problem of not knowing if he's wearing a matching tie was solved when his smartphone became able to scan a color and tell him which one it was. he was also married with children who could see normally and did not inherit his condition.

he also said that what made him understand mathematics and its laws was the fact that he was unable to see the world with his eyes like other people do - so some things that appeared abstract to us, like a point having no dimension at all, but a whole plain comprised of those points has a dimension - to him were so obvious and easy to imagine. his entire imagination is completely different from ours, and i found it incredibly fascinating. 

i remember the entire class being somewhat puzzled at the idea that two tangent spheres touch each other over one point only - as when we imagine or draw two balls touching, we see with our physical eyes how this happens over an entire area. and he just laughed and said sth like "of course they touch over one point only, it is the whole point of being round in the first place. this is the essence of being round." and there i understood how round meant something completely different to me and to him, just because of how we perceived it.

sorry for the novel! this is the only closer experience with a person with vision difficulties that i have, and i wanted to share it with you <3

i find it so cute how Lauren finds him TINY!! that's super super sweet!

Left, I am sorry to hear that Sean has difficulties adjusting. Most of my friends are now having their seconds, and what i notice is generally that big sisters accept their newborn siblings much easier than boys do. I don't know if it is due to the maternal instinct that kicks in automatically (and that's been also developed by playing with baby dolls) or what, but that seems to be an overall tendency in my circle of friends. What helped cure the jealousy in some cases was making a BIG present from the newborn baby to their older brother (anything from a huge dump truck to a dinosaur), and really make it clear that their baby brother/sister brought it to them just for them to play with because they love them.


As for me, I'm doing well although slightly overworked. But the summer is coming and it will be easier :) OH and i haven't been actively trying, but i take comfort in knowing that he is 100% on the same page as me and the cold feet days are gone for good. He's never been so calm about this up until the few past months, there is really some change going on there. I don't know if it is because many people from his circle of friends are expecting their first kids or just the age or the moment or what, but he is different about it compared to a year or two years back. we are amidst a general baby boom - we have 10 babies being born in may to close friends and relatives - of which a miracle one by a dear friend of mine with pcos and one ovary only who was told she will never conceive on her own, but it happened within the first year of trying.

i've changed, too. I remember how four or two years ago nothing that i did filled me up really, regardless of the fact that i'm doing my dream job, have the man of my life, have great friends around me, so many things to be grateful for... but as much as i tried, i was unable to really feel any real profound gratitude at all, due to the loss of my baby. this last thing with the gratitude was there intensely for the first 12-16 months after the loss. during that first year and a bit more, nothing else mattered really. and for a long time after that, life just didn't taste the same.

Now i'm at a point where i really do enjoy things, and where i don't think about having a baby 24/7, entire days and sometimes weeks pass without the thought, which i find shocking sometimes. i even find myself thinking "how am i going to fit a kid into this work schedule???" and THIS never happened over the past years.

Cary, do you have these phases too?

huge hugs to all of you girls, let's keep posted i have missed you <3


----------



## RedWylder

Well ladies...two pink lines. DD just turned 2 so we decided to NTNP. And today 2 pink lines popped up. Commence all the typical fears of miscarriage, fears of having a baby, etc. I harrassed my midwife into ordering betas which came in at 25. Roughly 8-9 dpo today so I think that's good. Gosh 3 years since I've felt this particular flutter in my chest.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Well ladies...two pink lines. DD just turned 2 so we decided to NTNP. And today 2 pink lines popped up. Commence all the typical fears of miscarriage, fears of having a baby, etc. I harrassed my midwife into ordering betas which came in at 25. Roughly 8-9 dpo today so I think that's good. Gosh 3 years since I've felt this particular flutter in my chest.

Red I'm so delighted to read your news:) how exciting . Congratulations :happydance: please keep us updated regularly :happydance: or if you start a journal let me know . Would love to follow along on your journey to number 2 :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga how is your LO ? Getting big I'm sure !!! 
How is everyone else doing . Anna has turned 2 months and getting bigger every day . Can't believe how quickly everything goes with no 2 ... Time just flies from pregnancy . 
Being a mum of two is busy !! Thank god I'm not back to work till December :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh this is a pic of Sean and Anna
 



Attached Files:







image.jpg
File size: 42.6 KB
Views: 3


----------



## skyesmom

REEEEDDDDD!!!! omg omg omg!! CONGRATS ON THE BFP!!! That is so so SO great to hear! I hope we can be bump buddies at least at some point during this year :)

those are great news :) looks like the nr2s are way easier to conceive than the nr1s! (now i'm gonna end up with twins because of saying this.) 

i think a beta of 25 at only 8-9 dpo is very good, having a positive HPT that early is definitely promising! i send you my best vibes for a sticky bean <3

LEFT - geez Anna grew so so SO quickly! And she looks SO MUCH like her older brother (can't believe how much Sean grew, too. time just flies by indeed). Also a full head of hair! Lots of my friends got their babies these days (like, six of them!), and one baby girl has a full blonde head of hair, just like Sloanne - made me think of RayRay immediately - RayRay if you read this - huge greetings from me to you and your family!

No baby news here yet, but the work is doing really really well now, and that makes me happy. OH is fully on board, too. 
Red, if i'm not wrong, you should be due somewhere mid/late january? it would be great if we could share at least the last 2-3 months of this journey as bump buddies on this thread :)

hugs to all of you girls!


----------



## RedWylder

Skye that would be wonderful! I'm still not quite convinced I have a sticky bean here. But we shall see. Lines are darker today so that's good.


----------



## RedWylder

Just a quick update- betas are looking good. They were 25 on Friday and 231 yesterday (monday). So they're more than doubling in 48 hours. In my miscarriages, that did not happen so I hope that mean good things. Fingers crossed!


----------



## skyesmom

those are great news Red! from 25 to over 200 in such short time sounds grand <3 i'm sending my prayers for a sweet sticky bean!


----------



## Carybear

Congrats Red... Praying it's a sticky bean...

Just passed one year since the miscarriage. DH has decided he wants to be proactive, but now I don't want any part of it. The last two periods I have had have been weird and I'm not sure what to think about it. April's was not quite two days. May's was two days and then this orangey/pink spotting for like 4 days. Not even enough to bother much with a pad.

Anyway... Just me venting and wanting to scream!!!! I am with kids 6 days a week. I am surrounded by teachers who are forever getting pregnant with number 2, 3, and 4 and then there's me... 

Most of the time I am ok, but I think it is the whole 1 year thing. It's just getting to me.

Thanks for hearing me out...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary don't give up! Especially if the hubby is on board for more proactive measures. Although I completely understand where you're at. And if you can't find it in you, that's ok. It's ok to feel whatever you're feeling. <3


----------



## skyesmom

Cary sorry for writing back only now <3 you are in my thoughts.

the anniversaries hit extra hard i find, i think our bodies even somehow remember and play tricks on us. i remember my first mc anniversay, and the weeks after, my hormones and my body were all over the place and i remember even starting my period 8-10 days earlier than usual, but exactly on the day of my first post-DC period the year before.

it is good to hear that DH is proactive though.. and maybe in a bit you will be able to feel the same. 

these last few months were really busy for me, and i found myself thinking how could i ever fit a baby into such schedule, and then remembered how my schedule wasn't much easier four years ago yet i didn't give a damn about it once i got pregnant.. and i didn't give a damn about it in comparison to having a living child, for about two years after the loss almost. 

and now when i catch myself with thoughts like "i can't have a baby now, i need to finish this and this and this" it feels so so SO strange sometimes, as if it belongs to someone else not me. and then when the grief would hit out of nowhere again, i even felt guilty for not wanting a baby at all costs all the time.

such a strange journey it is, indeed...


----------



## Carybear

Thanks everyone. I'm back to temping again. Hubby is definitely on board. 
I guess we will wait and see. According to temps I ovulated Sunday. We bd on Saturday and Sunday. So we shall see. 

Red how are you???

Skye how's it going???

Left, topanga , how are the two kiddos?



I had a dream that two friends were announcing their pregnancies and didn't want to make a big deal. I encouraged them to have a big party and told them not to worry about me. It was like I knew my time was coming in the dream. Like I was pregnant but just couldn't tell anyone yet.


----------



## skyesmom

Cary that is such a lovely dream, i really hope it is one of those dreams that turn to be premonitions! <3 keeping my fingers crossed for you! good to hear that the OH is on board! awww roll on prego summer :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone :) Cary so good to hear oh is ready to go !!! Understandable your feeling less enthusiastic after all you have been through but delighted your temping again . Please come post regularly ! I'd love to keep you company :) 

Red :) hi how far along are you now ? Hope your keeping well :) 

Skye where are things at for you right now ntnp ? Or ttc ? 

Topanga hope your LO's are doing great :) if they are anything like mine they are keeping you on your toes !!! 

AFM : adjusting to being a mum to two !! Its a new adventure for sure lol... Busy busy but not taking a second of it for granted . Anna is now 14 weeks !!!! Time flies by


----------



## RedWylder

Hey Ladies. I'm 9 weeks now. Feeling good albeit pukey. I've found the heartbeat at home and gotten to peak in at baby 3 times via US for varying reasons. Once was at a midwife consult. One was during a trip to the doc for a lump over my ovary. And last night I hid in a closet at work and stole the portable US machine to peak in. Totally not easy to find or work. Haha. Anywyas. I don't have prenatal care yet because I just moved. I can find a provider I like. But otherwise I'm plugging along. Time is going much faster this time around. I'm so busy I don't have much time to think about it.


----------



## skyesmom

RedWylder said:


> last night I hid in a closet at work and stole the portable US machine to peak in.

Red i am dying while reading this!!! laughing my ass off thinking at the whole scenario!! what a move!!! (and yes i would totally do the same if i had a chance!!!) you're my hero <3

glad the time is passing quicker this time around and that it all is moving smoothly so far! :happydance:


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Hey Ladies. I'm 9 weeks now. Feeling good albeit pukey. I've found the heartbeat at home and gotten to peak in at baby 3 times via US for varying reasons. Once was at a midwife consult. One was during a trip to the doc for a lump over my ovary. And last night I hid in a closet at work and stole the portable US machine to peak in. Totally not easy to find or work. Haha. Anywyas. I don't have prenatal care yet because I just moved. I can find a provider I like. But otherwise I'm plugging along. Time is going much faster this time around. I'm so busy I don't have much time to think about it.

Lol love it !!! Red seriously blink and baby will be here .... 2nd time flys by !!!


----------



## Carybear

Red... So glad everything is going smoothly... I'm sure the time will fly by.

Skye, how's it going?

Left.. I will go on more regularly. I could use the company. 

So I ovulated 13 days ago. Temps looked good and then I got some kind of flu and my temps spiked too between 100.1 and 100.3. In the mornings they were like 99.06. So now I am back down to 97.77 range which is still pretty high for me and way above the coverline of 97.00. But I should get AF tomorrow, been cramping (very light cramps) and got a BFN yesterday. Temp went to 97.72 this morning.

The only thing that makes me wonder is that I started with asthma and a cough. I got that last time I was pregnant and the Dr. told me that pregnancy can make asthma worse. Truth is any other time I don't have any issues.

I have had the most vivid dreams this week. They really haven't been baby related but it was like a movie and I was in it. Some were horrible and others comical. I actually woke up screaming with one and DH was like... Baby you ok???

So, I guess we will see. Im pretty wet down there, but over the last four months that has led to AF so it's not really a sign. Only a couple more days and I guess I will find out one way or another... 

I really do like temping. I find it interesting and I love being able to determine the exact day I o'd.

Hello to everyone!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Yeah Cary is back :) so excited to hear from you more :) lets bring this thread back to life :)


----------



## Carybear

I forgot to add... between 5-7dpo I had the weirdest thing happen. At 5dpo I had pinching pain on both sides - First the left and then the right over a period of about 8 hours. At 7dpo I had a lot of pain in my right side through the night. It was like I had gas but couldn't get rid of it. At 9dpo it all disappeared... Totally never had that happen before...


----------



## skyesmom

Cary!! those are all really really really interesting updates!!

I am all pins and needles for you <3

funnily, both me and OH dreamed that we've gotten pregnant within a week: first he had a dream i was showing him a BFP, and then i dreamed twice, once about our daughter yet to come and how beautiful she'll be, then one dream where i was just pregnant, and the last dream where i was pregnant with TWIN DAUGHTERS out of which i woke up thinking i really was pregnant already! the thing is, i was 100% sure my angels were boys and generally always felt more prone to be a mommy to a little boy so this is a huge surprise to me.

we're not actively trying at the moment (but far from preventing, too ;) ) and i don't feel pregnant so i don't think these dreams relate to anything current. but you never know!


----------



## Carybear

Wow Skye!!! Both times that I've been pregnant I've had dreams and people around me have had dreams. 

I had a dream back in March that I had a boy and a girl. I was in a house that had an upstairs and I was alone. When they came out they were the size of a one year old. I wrapped them and laid them on the bed and then went downstairs and forgot about them for 24 hours. When I went back upstairs they were fine. 

Then about six weeks ago I dreamed that I had a baby. I think it was a boy because it was wrapped in a blue blanket. He too got left alone and then I would remember him and be so worried. I'm certainly not the type to leave my baby. So I'm not sure what they were about.


----------



## skyesmom

I think a dream like that could be about feeling overwhelmed by too many responsibilities in a way, not towards a baby but at work. and the babies could represent something truly precious for you that you do care about, but are feeling worried if you can really cope with it (ie. teaching and writing books that you love, and the workload it brings). but it is also a comforting dream, because regardless if you're killing yourself 24/7 to do it all or not, your babies/projects are fine.

this is how i would interpret it.

I got my AF so i know my dreams were dreams, yet i never had a twin dream so far and this part i find interesting as we do have twins running in both his family and mine, and it's both our grandmothers who have had fraternal twins. knowing that those skip a generation and that we're over 30 and all, our chances are truly much higher... I don't know what to think of it, except we'll see! I'd be happy with one, considering my job and all, but hey... it's the kids making plans on when and how they wanna come, not us certainly...


----------



## Carybear

So true Skye.. I'm going to talk to a couple that DH and I have recently become friends with tomorrow morning. They adopted a little girl. There is a woman they know who helps girls who get pregnant but don't want to keep the babies. She finds adoptive parents to take the babies. She has a few young moms right now and they thought of us. It's about $10000.00 so we would have to figure it out. It may be for us and it may not. I guess we will see. Should be an interesting talk. This couple is great and both my husband and I have really enjoyed getting to know them. Their little girl is a riot. So precious and funny. 

You may be right about the dream Skye. It makes sense. I've been having some pretty strong dreams lately. Last night I dreamed that I was fighting ninjas. I was winning and I knew that my weapons were strong enough to fight them and win. But just as I conquered all of them this tall metal thing stood up. I knew that none of my weapons would work and I was about to surrender. But then I walked up to it and kissed it. It melted and I was the victor!!! DH asked me what I was eating before I went to bed. Lol!!!

I cut out white flour about 3 1/2 months ago. I'm down 14 lbs. cutting out most processed foods and doing my best to be as healthy as i can 

How is everyone???


----------



## skyesmom

oh Cary what a dream!!! it really does say so much... about yes, you definitely being strong enough to fight, but that giving up the fight and embracing your situation is the magic that makes it all happen <3

and also - so very good that you have a couple with direct adoption experience to talk to, nothing better than a first hand experience. then you both can see from more up-close if adoption is something that can work for you two.

and - really good move with the food there! i am proud of you! i'm sure your body will benefit from all the extra care <3 14lb less is loads, and lost in such a healthy way it definitely won't come back as quick or at all. 
my personal experience with going vegetarian is that i did drop a few kilos - i've always been pretty skinny though - and i can't get them back, no matter how much I eat, sweets included (i'm not a sugar/hard candy/gummy bear person, i'm a dark chocolate addict).

by the way, how is your 2ww going? have you gotten the AF in the meantime or you are still in the grayzone?


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Skye... You have a different way of looking at dreams and I can see that interpretation. 

AF came and is now gone... Cd9 today. Had EWCM yesterday and today. Had the same thing happen last month. Two days of EWCM at the end of AF AND then 4 days of creamy a few more days of EWCM and then O'd. I've been taking cough syrup (I have asthma induced bronchitis again). Thing is last time I got pregnant I had bronchitis and was taking cough syrup. We will see if this works for me this time. 

How are you doing Skye???

Red, how's the pregnancy going??

Left, Topanga how are your beautiful kiddos??


----------



## skyesmom

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you for that cough syrup magic to happen again <3

With me and OH everything is very very good, I really can't complain as we're in a truly beautiful phase of our relationship, just me and him at the moment. He's definitely 100% on board for having kids and he's been consistently for almost a year, no cold feet whatsoever and it feels like this entire "occasional cold feet" times are over. we just feel to be at a different place than before.

we're not actively trying at the moment, not preventing either though but all in all we're not focused on having a baby anymore and as strange as it feels to say it, it is a relief somehow. it took a pressure of me and of our relationship and i think we're both happier like this. we definitely want kids, that's for sure. But somehow we managed to take the despair out of it all and honestly i really don't want that feeling back.

For the first time this year i have managed to talk about my angels with a smile on my face, sure with lots of emotions but without that feeling of being dead on the inside that was there for so long after the losses and for even longer whenever I would talk about it. It's been over four and six years now since my losses and i'm happy not to be in that place anymore. 

<3 <3 <3

that's more or less it here... (i'm sure though when our BFP comes we will be jumping through the roof though ;) )


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Skye / Cary all good here .... Busy but good ! Its is tough making time for a relationship with two very tiny people requiring constant attention and the sheer exhaustion that comes with it !!but at least we are united in it lol..... Sean and Anna are growing fast ! We are going to tackle potty training next month .... Should be fun !! Think ill need a mop and lots of disinfectant ;) 

Cary , here is hoping bronchitis is your lucky omen ;) not fun I know so the least it can be is lucky ;) 
Skye I love how you describe your relationship sounds wonderful ! ( I want , I want ) lol.

All smothered with summer colds here ..... Snif snif . My love to all xxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Doing good here as well. Near constant stomach problems are getting frustrating. I'm not pukey. But just constantly uncomfortable. I think I'm mostly gassy but who knows what for sure. Coming up on 12 weeks. I'm finding it much harder to connect with this baby. With my recent move, new job, new house, new life, no friends...pregnancy and baby are often forgot which makes me feel awful considering what I went through to get my first rainbow. I try not to beat myself up since there's an awful lot going on in my life but I want the endless amount of joy I felt the first time around.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Doing good here as well. Near constant stomach problems are getting frustrating. I'm not pukey. But just constantly uncomfortable. I think I'm mostly gassy but who knows what for sure. Coming up on 12 weeks. I'm finding it much harder to connect with this baby. With my recent move, new job, new house, new life, no friends...pregnancy and baby are often forgot which makes me feel awful considering what I went through to get my first rainbow. I try not to beat myself up since there's an awful lot going on in my life but I want the endless amount of joy I felt the first time around.

Red I felt the same re Anna and the guilt attached to it !! Kept waiting to " connect " it didn't happen ..... Thought after 12 weeks ( nope ) when we find out gender ( nope ) . Poor little lady didn't even have a name till she was born ! Even after it was a different experience to Sean our bond was not instant but grew over time. I felt some awful guilt at the begining but through reflection I figured out that it is what it is ... It cannot be the same as the first experience , life has moved on , I'm a different person in a different time now . It was never going to be the same . I wish I hadn't spent so much time trying to make it the same and feeling guilty that it wasn't . It was different .. Not more or less of an experience just different . Different isnt bad its just different . I wish I had allowed it to be what is was rather than worrying that it wasn't what I thought it should be .


----------



## Left wonderin

And being busy makes time fly by and doesn't give you time to ponder on the growing Little one in your tummy ... The one on earth makes sure of that lol... My GP said second pg are something that happens while your getting on with life ... First ones ARE your life ! 
It made sense . Now Anna is 4 months and I adore her and all the guilt is gone .... :) now I can enjoy her :) even if her journal has limited entries ;) lol


----------



## skyesmom

Red, i second EVERYTHING Left said! every baby is a different person, too, and you evolve over time and are many different people over the course of your life and you never know how each bond will come to form nor how it will develop and play out later. having had a mc prior to your first LO also influenced that pregnancy.
Now, instead of an endless grief, you have a very very demanding end-cute bundle of joy running around your home with absolutely NO regard to your new job, new life, no friends AND your pregnancy, loving you endlessly and demanding you endlessly as well - and all that is taking away from your personal resources.
No wonder you haven't had that bonding with your new baby. your day is still only 24h long and your life didn't get anyhow more simple in the meantime.

maybe it will kick in later, maybe it won't and you'll bond with your new LO like Left did - you can't really beat yourself up for not being in love with it already. My SIL had an opposite experience - it took her months to bind with her first LO, and instantly with her second - she always said it was because she was already a mom and she's already done that hard-core adjusting with her 1st, who pre-paved the road for the second. Her second pregnancy was textbook unlike the first one which also took way longer to conceive - i don't know if this played a role, too, but she always said it was much easier the second time around with the bonding and all. She loves them both to bits now, and unless you've been there all along you could never tell.


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks ladies. I of course knew that what I felt must be normal but it's always nice too have personal experiences thrown in to make it more ok. :)


----------



## Topanga053

Hi ladies,

Sorry I've been MIA and I only have a couple of minutes, so can't be nearly as thorough as I'd like.

Cary- sorry to hear you've been having a hard time around the one year anniversary. It's so hard. I'm glad that DH is on board and I hope you're feeling better. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!

Skye- so glad you're in a good place.

Red- congrats! Don't worry about the lack of bonding. I didn't bond with Brady AT ALL during my pregnancy (whereas I was obsessed with Lauren during my pregnancy with her) and actually cried when I found out he was a boy. But as soon as he was born, I feel head over heels in love with him, in a way I didn't with Lauren. 

Left- I know, life IS crazy with two! DH and I are really struggling to keep up with our relationship too. We've made it a priority recently and that's helped, but it's definitely different. We're still trying to find the right balance, with kids, house, work, and each other. So just know you're not alone and I'm kind of glad to hear it's not just me and DH either!

Afm, everyone is doing pretty well. Work is busier than ever (didn't know that was possible). Brady has had surgeries in both eyes now and seems to be doing very well. He's tracking objects (even moving his head back and forth to follow them). We're so happy about that!!! He's 6.5 months old now and a BIG BOY!!! About a month ago he was weighing in between 15-16 lbs. 

Daycare has been worried about his core strength because he's not sitting on his own yet and seems to tire easily when in a jumper. I noticed it, but wasn't too worried, since Lauren was late w/all of her gross motor skills too, and Brady has had extra challenges to overcome. I called his pediatrician, who isn't worried at all. He has an apt in a couple of weeks, so pedi will take a look. If pedi is fine with how things are progressing, then we'll just wait and give him some more time to work those muscles. If pedi is concerned, then we will get an evaluation and may start some physical therapy. 

It's really stressful to have the medical stuff going on on top of everything else. But he is still the HAPPIEST boy I have ever seen. He just smiles, laughs, and plays non-stop. I don't think this kid has cried for more than an hour put together in his entire life! 

Here are some recent pics:

Ewww, kisses! 

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/BL1_zpstbbm9c6r.jpg

Here's both kids on the 4th of July: 

https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/BL2_zpszfso13xp.jpg


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies,

So Brady had his apt with his pedi recently. He's now weighing in at 20 pounds (big boy!!!) and his pedi is happy with his progress. Pedi says he doesn't see any major red flags, so he thinks any delays will sort themselves out on their own. So we've decided to hold off on physical therapy for now. We're going to wait a few months and see how things develop.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga that is good news :) it is great you have a sensible paediatrician ! How are Lauren and Brady getting along with each other ?


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone. No news here, but I thought I'd check in and see how everyone was doing???


----------



## skyesmom

Hey ladies! Sorry i have been MIA lately... no big news here but generally all is going well.
So happy to read your good news about Brady Topanga, and indeed, sounds like you got a good pediatrician over there.

no big news here, OH and I are enjoying our life as two so far and i know it may sound weird after all these years, but i kind of like it like this at the moment...


----------



## RedWylder

Im doing ok as well. We just bought a house so we've been caught up in that process the last month. It's a fixer upper so there's lot to be done. That and our new life in Idaho has made this pregnancy fly by. I'm already 23 weeks (24 tomorrow!). Feeling good but much fatter this itme.


----------



## skyesmom

OMG Red already 24 weeks??? where did the time go?? In my head you were at 12-13... i kinda don't wanna accept the fact that it's October already and there's about 10 weeks to xmas time...


----------



## Carybear

Anyone ever have EWCM streaked with blood instead of AF? Been this way for the last 24 hours, no real blood.


----------



## skyesmom

no except for when i was pregnant <3


----------



## Left wonderin

Not personally except when I was pregnant ans it was ib but I do know its common for some people to have ovulation bleeding . Maybe its that ? Hope your all doing well xxx


----------



## Carybear

AF should have showed up yesterday. Thursday night I had EWCM streaked with blood. Yesterday and today I'm spotting (like the end of my period) when I wipe but nothing in the pad. Fertility friend says I didn't ovulate this month but I think my thermometer may not be working right... Crazy huh??? Guess I will pick up a test today and see. 

How is everyone doing?


----------



## Left wonderin

Sounds promising Cary , keep us posted


----------



## Carybear

So... I did a test this morning and I got an evap line. It came up before ten minutes and it was a line but there was absolutely no color in it!!! 

Every time I wipe, there is blood. It is a reddish, brownish color, but not really anything on the pad. No blood when I pee either. No clots (Which I usually get a lot). I guess I will wait two days and try again. I have never had a period like this!


----------



## skyesmom

maybe it's just a looong implantation bleeding and that "evap" line will turn into a BFP! Keep posting Cary!


----------



## Carybear

It's still off and on... Sometimes there is blood and other times just spotting. Most of the time there is nothing but a few spots in the pad. Bfn this morning so... Maybe this is just a very strange period???


----------



## Topanga053

That's so strange, Cary! Especially considering the evap line yesterday. Keep us in the loop... I'm wondering now!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Taking a test tomorrow morning... Still spotting light pink. 6 days of spotting.. Uggghhhhh


----------



## skyesmom

fingers crossed for a BFP Cary!


----------



## RedWylder

Cary I'm assuming that with your silence it didn't amount to much. :( Poop. I'm thinking of you.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks red!!! All negative tests but definitely something hormonal is going on. My breasts are so sore I can't touch them, my chin has had a massive breakout and I'm now on the 12th day of spotting. Making an appointment with the Gyn. Wish I knew what was going on. Definitely brown/light pink discharge every time I wipe but nothing really on the pad. Just ready to be done and move on.


----------



## Carybear

So here I am still spotting... 17 days and counting. I go to the gyn Tuesday so hopefully I will get some answers. I've had a few days of light bleeding in between all of the spotting, but I have never had anything like this!!!


----------



## skyesmom

Fingers crossed that your ob/gyn will be able to give you some answers... i still hope for a crazy surprise for you... <3 <3 <3


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Skye! So.. pap was all clear but thyroid was not. I am now on the hyper side once again. I'm not surprised as this happens every time I start to diet, exercise and lose a little weight. She seems to think that caused the spotting, but I have had much lower (which is higher) blood levels and never had spotting. 

I go the 19th for a saline ultrasound to check for cysts, etc... and then will get an endometrial biopsy to check for cancer... But I believe that all is good and it was maybe just a wacky cycle. At least it stopped and I think I'm in the ovulation stage now... Here's to positive thinking 

Not sure if I made mention of it here or not... But here's a wow story for you... So I was at my sister-in-law's house. My in laws are visiting from out of the country and we were just hanging out. A friend stops by with her 3 girls - you know the type that says I think I will have another and bam is pregnant. We are talking and then all of a sudden she says to me.. So did you guys just give up on having any???? Really??? So because it hasn't happened yet, we've just given up... People are ridiculous


----------



## skyesmom

oh Cary!

don't know where to start!

well, first: good to hear that the bloods are ok and that they spotted the thyroid thing, it could be that the thyroid together with the exercise and diet change caused a whacky cycle... and i keep my fingers crossed for you to catch that egg <3 <3 <3

as for your sil's friend... the "my-hubby-sneezes-and-i-get-pregnant" people sometimes have no tact at all... and assume all sorts of things, including that kids just come out like that... snap, here's a baby. what did you reply?

i still occasionally get a "you guys should hurry up" from distant family members who know of our past, but i somehow stopped reacting to it and all i think is "they have no idea what they are saying in this moment and i hope they never discover that either".


----------



## Carybear

I just said that we were still trying. 

In other news, we are buying a house!!!! We hope to close by December 29th. 
It needs some work but DH is able to do it all!

I go Dec 19 for a saline ultrasound. Yesterday I got a completely normal period so I'm thinking that was just a really weird cycle and now I'm back on track. This month the period thing really doesn't bother me. I want to get my body in good shape- lose weight, workout, etc. so if we wait a little while it's okay. If it happens then that is ok too. I'm just resting, knowing God has a plan for me!

Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope everyone is doing great!


----------



## skyesmom

Awww Cary those are awesome news!! Congrats on your new house! that IS an exciting project together <3 and i'm so glad to hear your hubby can manage all of the work around it, it is SUCH a relief not to always have to rely on some handymen/workers... <3 that is so so great!

and you got my 100% support for your exercise and diet plans, the main thing is that you feel good. I've also intensified my training over the past 2-3 months and I can definitely see some results - one of my favorites is my posture - i stand so much more with my back straight now after strengthening my core muscles and with much less effort as well. I'm pretty tall so I tend to hunch a lot when i talk to people anyway but that doesn't do me a favor... so glad i got this done for myself in this year <3


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone... It's been quite awhile. Hard to believe it has been over two years since the last miscarriage...

Well... I thought I'd write here and see what everyone is up to!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary :) is it really 2 years ?? It's really lovely to hear from you . I love love when old threads come back to life :) all is good here . Sean is now 3 and Anna 1 . Life is hectic to say the least !!!! Mainly I feel like the riot police with the two of them lol... Heart in my mouth all the time !! Lol... They are 100 miles an hour all the time !!! Trying to keep all the balls in the air is tough !!! So sometimes there is either clean laundry or a full press of groceries ... Rarely both at the same time lol..... 

How is life treating you ??? How did the house buying go ??


----------



## Carybear

Hi Left! So good to hear from you.. I guess it has only been like 6 months... not two years!!! LOL!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Hi Left! The house buying went great! It took us a month longer to close and then 5 weeks of serious DIY work but we moved in the first weekend in March. Still has some work to be done, but I absolutely love it....

So, I got a positive test today... Third times the charm :happydance:
 



Attached Files:







test.pdf
File size: 20.7 KB
Views: 4


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary ooh I was meant to check in with you :) !!!!! Amazing !!! I am going to pray soooooo hard that this is it for you :) come on it has to be !!!!!!! Nice lines :) how did you know to test ???


----------



## Left wonderin

Congratulations on the new house, hope you have many years of happiness in it


----------



## Carybear

Thanks left! I had some symptoms but honestly I've had the same and had AF show up. But when I was a day late, I thought what the heck and it came up right away. Last month I spotted and then nothing for a week and the af. So i wasn't too optimistic. 

I know this one is going to make it! I go for an appointment tomorrow to get blood work and confirm pregnancy. Then probably a scan in three weeks or so.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ooh keep us posted :) can't wait to follow your journey !!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Went to the dr on Thursday. At 4 days past my missed period my hcg was 407. I will have more blood taken on Monday to see how it is going. 

The dr was so negative. Mentioned my age (41) and past miscarriages... I just reminded her that we are being positive. 

I was not happy with her. I'm 41, not that old.


----------



## Left wonderin

Eh tell her she can call me .... I had first at 41 and second at 43 !!! Poo poo her negativity . That was a great first number :)


----------



## Left wonderin

And I'm par too a group of about 20 women who all had successful pregnancies in their early to mid 40s !


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Left! I needed to hear that! I go back today for more blood work and should know tomorrow. This pregnancy definitely feels different from the last two.


----------



## Carybear

Well... hcg was 1457 after 4 days. Progesterone was 20.6. Dr seemed happy with that. I go for an ultrasound next Monday... 

Positive thoughts... much prayer and faith!


----------



## Left wonderin

More than doubling !!!!!! I'm excited for you


----------



## Carybear

Ultrasound tomorrow...


----------



## Carybear

I'm measuring a week behind. 5w4d. But i could very well be off because I stopped temping and everything. But they said the sac was strong, we could see a bean and a flicker but it was too early to measure the heartbeat.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary wow that's amazing news :) so what's our next step ???? ( notice the our lol ) are you terrified right now ? I am really hopeful . How's your oh holding up ?


----------



## Carybear

When the tech was about to start the ultrasound yesterday I almost threw up. I started to cry before she even did anything. It was at the ultrasound last time that we found out. Of course then I was already spotting. So I'm much better off this time... But still I was crying, DH was crying... I don't think we realize how hard the losses are on the men.

The tech was really positive and kept saying that the sac looked VERY strong... And we did see a flicker so there is life there!

I'm doing good. I'm believing that this is our sticky bean...

So in one of the pics, there are two white dots in the sac... What do you think???

So glad to have you to do this journey together!
 



Attached Files:







5 WEEKS_0005.jpg
File size: 23.8 KB
Views: 3


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary how are you going ?


----------



## Topanga053

Oh my God, Cary!!!! I haven't checked in here in a long time and something told me to come read things here this morning and I saw this!!! 

Congratulations!!! It's been several weeks since your last post. How are things going?? 

I think about you ladies a lot.


----------



## Carybear

Sorry Ladies... I miscarried number 3 on Sunday. I'm beyond devastated...

I go Monday to make sure that all the issue is gone.


----------



## Sweetkat

So sorry Cary :(. Life is so unfair. Huge hugs xxxxx


----------



## Topanga053

Oh God, Cary. There are no words. I am devastated for you. I'm completely heartbroken. You absolutely deserved this. 

Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you.

Xoxoxoxox


----------



## Carybear

Thanks ladies... only time will heal


----------



## RedWylder

Noooooooooooooo. Dangit. I came on here and read back a bit and got all excited. I fell in love with your little bean and knew it was the one. After all these years, I just can't accept your losses and heartache. It breaks my heart. Thinking of you Cary.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary :( sending you the biggest hug . I'm so so sorry . Will they do more testing now ? I know here in Ireland you have to mc 3+ occasions before they will investigate the why ? 
Please look after yourself and come back and check in soon xxxxx I'm here 

Hi everyone else , I too think of you all often :) how are ye all doing ?how is Brody ?


----------



## Topanga053

Hey Cary. You've been in my thoughts, so I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing. :hugs:


----------

