# today I... add yours..



## cupcake

Each day will get a little easier, so let's celebrate what we accomplished today, even if its showering, or talking on the phone..

Today I...
washed my face :blush:
I tried to match my clothes
I did the dishes

go me!
And I went to the store so ill add that


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## Daisy_bear

Went to my aunts for lunch wearing jeans (yes I managed to get out my joggies, if only for a short period).
Currently relaxing on the couch :)


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## Jamandspoon

Today I got a very BIG hug from my OH..... Best medicine there is!!!!


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## Babee_Bugs

Today...

I sat in my pjs till 3pm in that whole time, I just sat on the settee watching day time tv.

Then went to pick kids up from school

OH dragged me to morrisons for some tea and made me eat

Got kids bathed, read bedtime stories, then bed for them

Now I'm sat watching tv and on here...

So I've had a busy day apart from earlier lol


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## brandiw

Well, today was supposed to be my first prenatal appointment :cry: But, it turned out to be the appointment to see how my mc was coming along.

I am proud of myself for actually doing my hair (meaning, not just washing and leaving.....I actually blew the dust off of my hair dryer, yay me lol!).
Also, although I felt like going to the appointment in my ugliest sweatpants, and I said "no way" because that makes me feel crappier....so I put on a pretty pink floral dress. It SO didn't reflect my mood, but I thought maybe feeling pretty might make my mood a little better :winkwink:


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## jaggers

I finished the book I was reading. :) It was nice.


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## ThinkPositiv

today i have put on my gym clothes and am currently sitting in them hoping it will get me to the gym?


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## cupcake

ThinkPositiv said:


> today i have put on my gym clothes and am currently sitting in them hoping it will get me to the gym?

go you! :happydance:


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## cupcake

Today I had my hair cut, and felt less nervous being out the house


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## wamommy

Today I put all of my hpts in a plastic bag and stored them away so I wouldn't keep looking at them in the drawer. I said a quiet prayer for this angel and let myself cry a bit.

Then, today I shaved me legs. Woohooo!! :dohh:

My next achievement is to make a healthy meal for the family, instead of ordering pizza or microwaving yet another tasteless frozen dinner. Go, broccoli!


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## MightyMom

Today I got flowers from DH.


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## wamommy

MightyMom said:


> Today I got flowers from DH.

Yay, him!! I'm so glad he's looking after you, MightyMom :happydance:


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## kristina1291

today i clean my kitchen and made tacos for dinner.....i feel as if i have fallen today n im trying to pick myself back up!


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## ESwemba84

Today I put on eye makeup for the first time in a week. I also had my first cup of coffee in 3 months. It's the little things that comfort me the most.:flower:


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## cupcake

ESwemba84 said:


> Today I put on eye makeup for the first time in a week. I also had my first cup of coffee in 3 months. It's the little things that comfort me the most.:flower:

I too believe its all about the little things, and am a big coffee drinker :coffee: so coffee was a comfort for me too

I am so happy everyone is posting their little "huge: steps 

:hugs:


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## Babee_Bugs

Today, I managed to clean my kitchen! Wash and dry clothes and feed my little monkeys (children)...

I'm starting to get my motivation back, thank god lol


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## MightyMom

Today I got a call from my amazing SIL who told me everything I needed to hear. She also shared her own devastating story of loss that made me feel both that I am not alone and also very selfish for feeling like I was the only one who could understand my loss. But overall I felt so much better after talking with her.


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## cupcake

Today I had to go to the gynecologists office, it was hard to be back there under these new circumstances, I had to see posters, pregnant ladies, etc, and I got through it was only a few tears when I left the office ! yay me!


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## kristina1291

cupcake said:


> Today I had to go to the gynecologists office, it was hard to be back there under these new circumstances, I had to see posters, pregnant ladies, etc, and I got through it was only a few tears when I left the office ! yay me!

GOOD JOB GIRL!!!!!!!!!! u did great..when i left the drs i was in full tears!


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## ESwemba84

Today I woke up after 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep. It was glorious!


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## Daisy_bear

Decided to sort out the mess that my uni course appears to be in. Motivation is back - lets hope it stays this time! :happydance:


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## cupcake

Today I took my kids out to a play date, first time I have hung out with anyone, and it went great, so yay!


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## lovewithin

lovely thread!!

ok today i made myself a lovely forest fruit frappe for breakfast, i went jogging and i started my spanish course!!

and i may even wash my hair (which i am letting completely go ever since the mc... never took much care of it but i picked up on that nasty habit completely during those 1st 2 horrendous weeks!)


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## Daisy_bear

I cleaned the shower top to bottom, went to docs and got the pill then wrote part of my uni assignment. Woop! Woop!


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## Babee_Bugs

Today has been abit of a hard one...

I bought a cheap Carseat for the baby a while ago (too cheap not to buy!) anyways I've sold it on eBay and today I packaged it up ready to be collected by the courier... It really broke me.. I also had some other bits and pieces which were mainly freebies, which I just decided to bin.. But that set me off, to just bin a lot of things (I bought some clothes for myself, for during pregnancy) so I just gathered them all up and chucked them out. I don't want to have to keep going through this and it's the only way I feel I can gain back some control.
But it has left me emotionally drained today, but I'm hoping tomorrow will be abit better.

When I'm upset/angry or just generally peed off, I go on a cleaning rampage lol. So needless to say the house is sparkling :)


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## Daisy_bear

Sorry to hear u have had a tough day. I was pleased with my day but the night time has been hell. My oh walked out after saying he doesn't know what he wants anymore, took his work stuff and left. I'm kinda hopin he returns tomorrow! :(


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## wamommy

I'm so sorry today has been a tough one for you guys Daisy and Babee :(

I'm right there with you. Today DH told me he thinks i "caused" the mc by thinking about it too much and being afraid it would happen. He said the mind/body connection is so strong that I caused it. What?? Ugh... Men can be so silly at times.

On a happier note, Today I shaved my legs! I also vacuumed the stairs, lol. Baby steps, I say! At least I feel that I'm headed in the right direction.


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## xobabyhopes

love this thread.

today i came to work (at the hospital) and i actually felt good about myself. i didnt walk past the room in the er (where they told me we lost the baby) and almost break down into tears. plus i was told i looked pretty today in my new glasses, gave me a confidence boost.


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## kristina1291

today i took n passed all my finals!


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## MightyMom

Babee_Bugs: I totally get it. I have been going through all of our baby stuff. DD is now too big for the toys, the clothes, the carseats, everything. I have been packing up everything myself, DH can't even look. He is so heartbroken. I think we will have a yard sale and just sell or give away everything.

I have been pocketing away baby clothes for years. For some imaginary baby that isn't coming. I have all of DD's stuff, but then there are tons of boys clothes, toys, an entire BEDDING SET. Sometimes I just think I was delusional. Can't wait to get rid of it all. I need closure.


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## 9jawife

-worked a shift

-ate healthy (I am transitioning into the GAPS diet, basically to improve the bacterial balance in my gut and thus my health)

-did my Buddhist chanting practice

-managed to get through the day without crying


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## summerlove101

Today I went into the room that would have been our babies room and managed not to cry!


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## lovewithin

today i washed my hair! tomorrow i may shave! one step at a time!

and workin on my spanish!


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## summerlove101

I managed to make it the entire drive to work without crying once! :thumbup:


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## cupcake

:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


kristina1291 said:


> today i took n passed all my finals!


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## Daisy_bear

I have recovered from my major hangover and packed a suitcase to go away for the weekend. Currently waiting on my sil who
Is coming to pick me up :) x


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## lovewithin

today i am PMSing so i made myself a lovely organic raw honey&orange cheese cake :) :) all for me :) :) :)


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## sowanted

Today I've started thinking thoughts that it might just happen to me someday, this whole becoming a mother thing...

Nice feeling.


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## cupcake

:dust::dust::dust:


sowanted said:


> Today I've started thinking thoughts that it might just happen to me someday, this whole becoming a mother thing...
> 
> Nice feeling.


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## buttonhole

today I realised its a week since I stopped bleeding 
and I wore some nice knickers and put some nice clothes on


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## wamommy

Today I did a workout video! I think I may be turning a corner. It's the first day I felt like I was worth taking care of, and that my body isn't a failure for all of this... Perhaps despite not carrying a baby right now, I need to STILL think of my body as worth protecting and making as healthy as possible.:thumbup:


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## Babee_Bugs

Today, my 18 year old niece came to see me to ask for advice as she's just found out she pregnant, after only being with her partner who is my partners best friend for 2 months who also lives out of town...

So needless to say I collapsed and literally had a breakdown :( ... So today hasn't been a good day


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## lovewithin

today i stayed stretched in the sun for 3h without doing absolutely nothing but enjoying the moment and charging my batteries! 

ymmy! solar panels ON :)


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## sfh2012

I tried to go garage saling, didnt last long, made dinner and laid down =/


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## cupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today, my 18 year old niece came to see me to ask for advice as she's just found out she pregnant, after only being with her partner who is my partners best friend for 2 months who also lives out of town...
> 
> So needless to say I collapsed and literally had a breakdown :( ... So today hasn't been a good day

It is always hard to have reminders :hugs:


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## sfh2012

Wamommy: Im really happy you said that =) keep up with the positive thoughts!https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/images/smilies/hug1.gif


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## Babee_Bugs

Today, my mother in law and father in law came down to tell us that there going to be great grand parents etc... Talking about how happy and excited there are..

I had to go upstairs out the way, the pain is all too hard to cope with... I came back down and they still going on about it.. So I just sat there, just trying to sing in my head to block them out.

My partner spoke to his dad outside and said look, Leanne's very upset and she doesn't need to hear about nikkis pregnancy... It's not helping.. So then his mother rang up and apologised, there didn't realise..

I feel like my baby has already been forgotten about :( and she fell pregnant on the day I lost my little one, it's a killer.

Some people can be sooo bloody insensitive!


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## summerlove101

This morning on the radio they were talking about old fashioned gender prediction tests and I started bawling my eyes out :cry:


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## ChelliBelle

Just found out my SIL is pregnant- she is 4 weeks and was worried to tell me.....I gave her a hug and told her it was fantastic news..... and she was to share every lump, bump and change as she progresses :thumbup:

babies are great news :)

was less impressed when i opened the mail and it was the date for my 1st scan- bummer :wacko:


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## cupcake

Today I had a reasnoble day, cant ask for more


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## Babee_Bugs

Today, me and OH :sex: (just thought I'd share that) 

:)


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## wamommy

:thumbup:

Good for you guys!


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## ChelliBelle

babee_bugs :haha: i really laughed at that.....hope you enjoyed! lol :)


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## lovewithin

hahah babee bugs ur hilarious!

today i did 1h jogging and then indulged into a chocolate chip cake ;))) ymmy!


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## starlightlynn

Today I found I m/c before my 12 week scan and didn't know it even though my body is still acting pregnant. Also found out my Dr thinks my vaginal bleeding as a cycle, when I had no lining or tissue passing. I last know cycle was Feb 9-11(cycles being 3/4 days).


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## 9jawife

-managed not to cry in the back room when we had a pregnant customer at work 

-so far have managed not to run to the store for ice cream


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## wamommy

Today I had my first positive opk since my mc! I was looking forward to it, and excited to see those lines, but for some reason I froze up and stared at the test when it actually happened.

I realized how much anxiety I have about getting pregnant again and having another loss :(

Despite my fears, my DH told me "if it's meant to happen, it will!" and we BD anyhow... lol. I am learning SO much about what it means to be a woman through all of this. I'm learning that actually raising a child is only a part of motherhood. The journey to get there is so full of love, hope, disappointment, and at times unimaginable pain. We are SO much stronger than we knew!


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## summerlove101

This morning I woke up and hugged my fiance and told him that I love him no matter what happens :kiss:


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## Hvk

This is an amazing thread :) i want to join. Today i breifly went to uni to get my work off the walls...i also got the train...first day out in 3 weeks. I also did the food shopping and tidied :) 

Tidy house...tidy mind ;)


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## Babee_Bugs

:) today I sat out in the sunshine and got sunburnt oppps


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## Babee_Bugs

wamommy said:


> Today I had my first positive opk since my mc! I was looking forward to it, and excited to see those lines, but for some reason I froze up and stared at the test when it actually happened.
> 
> I realized how much anxiety I have about getting pregnant again and having another loss :(
> 
> Despite my fears, my DH told me "if it's meant to happen, it will!" and we BD anyhow... lol. I am learning SO much about what it means to be a woman through all of this. I'm learning that actually raising a child is only a part of motherhood. The journey to get there is so full of love, hope, disappointment, and at times unimaginable pain. We are SO much stronger than we knew!

I was sooo looking forward to getting my bfn, that when I got it yesterday i just sat, stared and it all hit me again that my LO had actually gone :cry:... So I reckon I'm gonna be the same come af and then next ovulation..

It's a roller coaster and I guess it all helps to prepare us for being mummies, as mummies isn't the most easiest of jobs to do, by my god its the most rewarding/feeling in the whole world :)


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## ChelliBelle

Babee_Bugs said:


> wamommy said:
> 
> 
> Today I had my first positive opk since my mc! I was looking forward to it, and excited to see those lines, but for some reason I froze up and stared at the test when it actually happened.
> 
> I realized how much anxiety I have about getting pregnant again and having another loss :(
> 
> Despite my fears, my DH told me "if it's meant to happen, it will!" and we BD anyhow... lol. I am learning SO much about what it means to be a woman through all of this. I'm learning that actually raising a child is only a part of motherhood. The journey to get there is so full of love, hope, disappointment, and at times unimaginable pain. We are SO much stronger than we knew!
> 
> I was sooo looking forward to getting my bfn, that when I got it yesterday i just sat, stared and it all hit me again that my LO had actually gone :cry:... So I reckon I'm gonna be the same come af and then next ovulation..
> 
> It's a roller coaster and I guess it all helps to prepare us for being mummies, as mummies isn't the most easiest of jobs to do, by my god its the most rewarding/feeling in the whole world :)Click to expand...


I think because i'm NTNP now i havent actually thought about it- i won't test. I found myself rubbing my stomach today- something i had started doing the moment i found out i was pregnant- it hit me a bit when i realised i was still doing it :( but then i had a little spoken out loud chat with myself.... and said " soon baby soon" and it made me feel better..... silly i know, but i find talking to the potential next makes me feel like i've not lost anything, as they are still there.....ok so now the people in the white coats are coming i must leave now lol.....


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## ChelliBelle

Oh and today i did a bit in the garden- having to sit down every now and again- proving to myself that i might not be completely back to health as i kept going a bit light headed! lol..... take it easy chelle!


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## threebirds

I thought about what could have been, and if it will ever happen for us.

But at least the sun shone (this is Ireland)...


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## kristina1291

today i read a poem about miscarriage and it really helped me be able to grieve. i shared it to my cousin who lost a baby at birth n it really made her smile. so ima share this mom here:
What Makes a Mother? - Author Unknown 

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today. 
I asked, &#8217;What makes a Mother?&#8217; and I know I heard Him say, 
A mother has a baby, this we know is true, 
But God, can you be a mother when your baby&#8217;s not with you? 
Yes you can, He replied, with confidence in His voice 
I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice. 
Some I send for a lifetime, others for a day 
And some I send to feel your womb, but there&#8217;s no need to stay. 
I just dont understand this Lord, I want my baby here! 
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear, 
I wish the I could show you what your child is doing today, 
If you could see your child smile with the other children and say. 
&#8217;We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear, 
My mummy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here. 
I feel so lucky to have a mum who had so much love for me, 
I learned my lessons very quickly, my mummy set me free. 
I miss my mummy oh so much, but I visit her each day. 
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow&#8217;s where I lay, 
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, 
Mummy don&#8217;t be sad today, I&#8217;m your baby and I&#8217;m here&#8217;. 
So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are ok, 
Your babies are here in my home, and this is where they&#8217;ll stay. 
They&#8217;ll wait for you with me, until your lesson&#8217;s through, 
And on the day I call you home they&#8217;ll be at the gates for you. 
So now you know what makes a mother. 
It&#8217;s the feeling in your heart, 
Its the love you had so much of, right from the very start. 
Though some on earth may not realise until their time is done, 
Remember all the love you have, 
And you ARE a special mum!


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## wamommy

So beautiful! And I had ALMOST made it through today without tears!

It's ok, it's happy/sad tears. Thank you for sharing that, Kristina :)


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## horseypants

i can't help it. today i was sad. today i would have been 12 weeks. yesterday i found out my neighbor is due a couple weeks after i should have been. today i was in a little car accident. tomorrow i was supposed to go back to work but i used the accident as an excuse to put it off another day. today it seemed like every woman i saw had a baby or was pregnant. i didn't even try not to hate everyone i saw. i couldn't help it. today i'm wallowing. i feel like i haven't really cried all the way yet. i get so sad and tear up for a few seconds then go dry. i'm instantly on the verge of tears then numbish. or i'm angry. it's been two weeks and a day since the d&c. it's been about a month since my little one stopped growing. it's the second time and i'm afraid it will keep happening and i know i will try again despite this fear. i can't help it. today i was sad. and i think it's going to get harder before it gets better. i want to not be jealous of my neighbor and strangers and i want to know that someday i'll get to be a mom. last night i had a dream that my fiance' adopted a baby without me. i tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen to me and he did it anyway. i said i wanted to try to make one together and i thought it would work, that we should make our own. but he ignored me and left me to adopt. he was excited. he was happy he was finally getting to be a dad. the dream somehow means he never really loved me. i know he's sad but i wont let him tell anyone what's happened. i want him to feel sorry for me. i'm greedy for sympathy and even when i get it, i continue to feel so alone. i am very sad. 12 weeks. i should have been 12 weeks today.


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## 9jawife

horseypants said:


> i can't help it. today i was sad. today i would have been 12 weeks. yesterday i found out my neighbor is due a couple weeks after i should have been. today i was in a little car accident. tomorrow i was supposed to go back to work but i used the accident as an excuse to put it off another day. today it seemed like every woman i saw had a baby or was pregnant. i didn't even try not to hate everyone i saw. i couldn't help it. today i'm wallowing. i feel like i haven't really cried all the way yet. i get so sad and tear up for a few seconds then go dry. i'm instantly on the verge of tears then numbish. or i'm angry. it's been two weeks and a day since the d&c. it's been about a month since my little one stopped growing. it's the second time and i'm afraid it will keep happening and i know i will try again despite this fear. i can't help it. today i was sad. and i think it's going to get harder before it gets better. i want to not be jealous of my neighbor and strangers and i want to know that someday i'll get to be a mom. last night i had a dream that my fiance' adopted a baby without me. i tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen to me and he did it anyway. i said i wanted to try to make one together and i thought it would work, that we should make our own. but he ignored me and left me to adopt. he was excited. he was happy he was finally getting to be a dad. the dream somehow means he never really loved me. i know he's sad but i wont let him tell anyone what's happened. i want him to feel sorry for me. i'm greedy for sympathy and even when i get it, i continue to feel so alone. i am very sad. 12 weeks. i should have been 12 weeks today.

So sorry. :-( I know it's cliche to say "I know how you feel", and truly I can't know _exactly_ how you feel. But I want you to know that I can relate to a lot of what you said. Seeking empathy but nothing is ever enough. Seeing pregnant women everywhere and hating them. You're not as alone as you think you are. I think many of us feel the same way.


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## ChelliBelle

horseypants said:


> i can't help it. today i was sad. today i would have been 12 weeks. yesterday i found out my neighbor is due a couple weeks after i should have been. today i was in a little car accident. tomorrow i was supposed to go back to work but i used the accident as an excuse to put it off another day. today it seemed like every woman i saw had a baby or was pregnant. i didn't even try not to hate everyone i saw. i couldn't help it. today i'm wallowing. i feel like i haven't really cried all the way yet. i get so sad and tear up for a few seconds then go dry. i'm instantly on the verge of tears then numbish. or i'm angry. it's been two weeks and a day since the d&c. it's been about a month since my little one stopped growing. it's the second time and i'm afraid it will keep happening and i know i will try again despite this fear. i can't help it. today i was sad. and i think it's going to get harder before it gets better. i want to not be jealous of my neighbor and strangers and i want to know that someday i'll get to be a mom. last night i had a dream that my fiance' adopted a baby without me. i tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen to me and he did it anyway. i said i wanted to try to make one together and i thought it would work, that we should make our own. but he ignored me and left me to adopt. he was excited. he was happy he was finally getting to be a dad. the dream somehow means he never really loved me. i know he's sad but i wont let him tell anyone what's happened. i want him to feel sorry for me. i'm greedy for sympathy and even when i get it, i continue to feel so alone. i am very sad. 12 weeks. i should have been 12 weeks today.



:hugs: today i feel sad too x but i think its because it's a week today i started bleeding- will make myself busy today and go out with family. They have been amazing and i'm lucky for it :) x


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## Hvk

Today my scan appointment letter came through the post. I feel ok though :) i feel i have passed this now. 

Now to sort these eyebrows out.


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## cupcake

Hvk said:


> Now to sort these eyebrows out.

=D&gt;


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## buttonhole

today I sat for hours (wey felt that way!) and listed all my maternity clothes on eBay and some posh dresses
and just made a chilli.....flipping roasting outside and I make a chilli hahaha


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## horseypants

today i woke up happy


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## lovewithin

today i made some lovely sketches with black ink :) :) )


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## ChelliBelle

Just back from taking my 2.5 year old Niece out to an aqua park, and i am now totally sunburnt :dohh: Fab day tho :) and took my mind of things watching her enjoy herself.

:)


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## Babee_Bugs

Today, my friend dragged me on the train to her university to hand in some paperwork for her exams, then had lunch... Went shopping (bought some clothes in a smaller size than I usually do), thn got home I plaited her hair while having a drink of cider, in this glorious sunshine! :)


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## buttonhole

today.....:blush:
shaved my mammoth legs :happydance: and other areas! cant go out in a skirt with hairy mammoth legs can I ? :winkwink:


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## lovewithin

today i'm plannin on shaving too! let's see who survives, me or my mamoth hair!!


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## buttonhole

lovewithin said:


> today i'm plannin on shaving too! let's see who survives, me or my mamoth hair!!

:haha::haha::haha::haha:


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## ChelliBelle

Today i got my hair dyed- I no longer look like a skunk! whooooooo :happydance:

And yesterday (still counts right?!) we decided we would try again once i have healed and back in the market so to speak :) Not quite ready....but soon, soon :)


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## Melanieanne77

Youre all doing much better than me, but its inspiring to see.

Today I:

* made a real coffee (no more decaffeinated shite for me)

And even though Im in my pjs and I havent showered, or cleaned, or done the washing - Im thinking about having a shower and driving to meet my boyfriend after work. Its an hour away but the motorway will be quiet and I 'll turn the music up.

His house has lots of pets. They'll lie all over me - it'll be nice - I think.

Then its back to work Monday. I havent worked a full week in the last 4 weeks - I miscarried one twin at 5 weeks and then the other this week - its been continuous. But its going to get better.

Wait til Monday - I'll have achieved heaps then :)

I guess I'll go and have a shower...


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## Babee_Bugs

Melanie just take each day as it comes :)


Today I tested positive 3 days after I got a bfn! Blurghhh


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## kristina1291

exciting!!!


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## pitty8

Today I decided that if I made myslef look better then maybe I would feel better. Took the day off of work, Sent the kid with grandma. Dyed my hair, painted my nails, got dressed and went and sat in the sun. Thought about eating somthing. Then I took a look in the mirror thinking that I would see myslef smiling and looking pretty. All I saw was disapointment in my face and began to cry. I am only on day 2 of my miscarriage.


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## wamommy

I am so sorry, pitty :( A million :hugs:, and I really hope each day gets easier for you.


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## buttonhole

aww Pitty I am sorry you day didnt go as you liked, its very early days, take small steps xx


Today, I have fed the birds and popped some washing on


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## ChelliBelle

Pitty- I didn't get out of bed for 3 days hun- and only did because i had to go for a final scan.

It's a sad time, you need to grieve and heal- just as we are all doing :(

Just take it easy and don't put too much pressure on yourself to "feel" happy- you will feel how you do, and slowly you will feel a bit more positive- it will just take time.

It's early days for me to- 9 days from when it started- I have just tried to keep busy and do some nice things with friends and family- I am lucky that i have such good support.

My OH has been away with work since Tues, but we talk on the phone.

Be gentle with yourself hun- give yourself small goals every days x


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## ChelliBelle

Babee_Bugs said:


> Melanie just take each day as it comes :)
> 
> 
> Today I tested positive 3 days after I got a bfn! Blurghhh

Have a read this right? did you get a positive? I so hope so Fingers X for you- :happydance:


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## ChelliBelle

Melanieanne77 said:


> Youre all doing much better than me, but its inspiring to see.
> 
> Today I:
> 
> * made a real coffee (no more decaffeinated shite for me)
> 
> And even though Im in my pjs and I havent showered, or cleaned, or done the washing - Im thinking about having a shower and driving to meet my boyfriend after work. Its an hour away but the motorway will be quiet and I 'll turn the music up.
> 
> His house has lots of pets. They'll lie all over me - it'll be nice - I think.
> 
> Then its back to work Monday. I havent worked a full week in the last 4 weeks - I miscarried one twin at 5 weeks and then the other this week - its been continuous. But its going to get better.
> 
> Wait til Monday - I'll have achieved heaps then :)
> 
> I guess I'll go and have a shower...

Aww Melanie hun- to have to go through this twice in such a short space of time- my heart breaks for you :cry: 

You have the right idea- have your boyfriend near you and be supported at this time. Small goals each day to get you through.

:hugs: for you x


----------



## Melanieanne77

Babee_Bugs said:


> Melanie just take each day as it comes :)
> 
> 
> Today I tested positive 3 days after I got a bfn! Blurghhh

Ohhh! Is there good news? Will hang around to hear :) x


----------



## lovewithin

i said i would shave 3 days ago and still walking around like a mammoth. oh well, maybe today...


----------



## Babee_Bugs

ChelliBelle said:


> Babee_Bugs said:
> 
> 
> Melanie just take each day as it comes :)
> 
> 
> Today I tested positive 3 days after I got a bfn! Blurghhh
> 
> Have a read this right? did you get a positive? I so hope so Fingers X for you- :happydance:Click to expand...

Yup... But ive tested everyday since and there not getting any darker :cry: so it must be a blip

First pic is on the 26th
Second pic is on the 27th
Third pict is on the 28th
 



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## buttonhole

today I spent a lot of money I didnt have at the garden centre!! :happydance:
but my garden will look lovely when my other half does all the hard work, 
I have also done some house work and scrubbed the bath room.....now its time to chill :)


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today I've sat in the sun, put up the paddling pool for the boys :)


----------



## pitty8

yesterday i went for hike by myself in a town that i havent been to in a long time. It was great! Ran into an old friend and spent a couple hours talking. It was nice to have somone to talk to that I didn't feel like they were judgeing me!


----------



## ChelliBelle

Babee_Bugs said:


> ChelliBelle said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Babee_Bugs said:
> 
> 
> Melanie just take each day as it comes :)
> 
> 
> Today I tested positive 3 days after I got a bfn! Blurghhh
> 
> Have a read this right? did you get a positive? I so hope so Fingers X for you- :happydance:Click to expand...
> 
> Yup... But ive tested everyday since and there not getting any darker :cry: so it must be a blip
> 
> First pic is on the 26th
> Second pic is on the 27th
> Third pict is on the 28thClick to expand...


Awww sorry if that's the case- I'm not fully versed with all the testing etc, still got my fingers crossed for you hun xx


----------



## wamommy

Today I realized that I will never be happy in this marriage. Instead of focusing on fixing it, I just want out.


----------



## cupcake

wamommy said:


> Today I realized that I will never be happy in this marriage. Instead of focusing on fixing it, I just want out.

Wow this is a big one, I hope you find happiness x


----------



## Babee_Bugs

wamommy said:


> Today I realized that I will never be happy in this marriage. Instead of focusing on fixing it, I just want out.

Awww Hunnie I don't know what to say.... Although things were very strained in the early days after my MC.. It wasn't nice at all :hugs:

I hope things Get better for you x


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well today, I haven't tested!... I know it's only early on in the day, but I usually test with first morning urine... So I'm doing good lol


----------



## sp92

Today I managed to shower with fainting. I was desperate for a shower when I got home from hospital yesterday, but I couldn't manage it because of the blood loss. I showered today, got dressed and brushed my hair but now I just feel so weak and exhausted that I've had to lie down again. I just want things to go back to normal.


----------



## horseypants

i'm at work today, for the first time in about three weeks. my coworkers say i look good.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today, I don't know why, but I just feel like I can't keep doing this anymore as with regards to trying for a baby... For years I've had nothing but disappointment!.. Other woman just fall pregnant when they don't even want they baby! Arghhhhh I feel sooo angry and annoyed... I feel a failure and just a utter sense of what's the point?

My sons are coming upto 8 and 5 years of age.. Do I really want to be starting all over again?... Sleepless nights, teething, safe guarding everything in the house, buying a bigger car, maybes dealing with post natal depression again, having another c-section, being a high risk pregnancy.... Then worrying to hell every week wondering if I have another blighted ovum, or if something is wrong.

My head is wanting to call it quits, but my heart is saying different :(


----------



## horseypants

sp92, everyone and babee_bugs, :hug:

it SUCKS being at work today. suddenly im all paranoid about my uterus and think i can feel it. https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/m...c-awareness-my-uterus-making-me-paranoid.html ......im totally freaking myself out. .....but at least i look good supposedly? : ) I didnt wash my hair today and instead, i did an updo plus a hairband, put a ton of colorful jewelry on (usually not my thing) and wore a dress. the people like it.


----------



## sw20

Think I did too much too soon. I miscarried last weekend and dived straight back into life, had a job interview on the day I got discharge from hospital, been to friends and families houses with the weather being nice & dont feel like I have had time to grieve. My OH seems to have just taken it in his stride and today (a day of doin nothing) I've just fallen to pieces. I don't know what to do with myself. X


----------



## sp92

sw20 said:


> Think I did too much too soon. I miscarried last weekend and dived straight back into life, had a job interview on the day I got discharge from hospital, been to friends and families houses with the weather being nice & dont feel like I have had time to grieve. My OH seems to have just taken it in his stride and today (a day of doin nothing) I've just fallen to pieces. I don't know what to do with myself. X

:hugs: I know how you feel, I'm worried that I'm already doing the same. I miscarried yesterday and only got out of hospital yday afternoon. I've already scheduled a job interview for Thursday, booked a holiday for September, looking at flats to move into next month.. I feel like I'm trying to compensate for my loss by keep myself overly busy. As soon as I stop planning things and I realise that I'm not pregnant, I break down. And then I get back to planning my life for the next few months. Just worried I'm forgetting to grieve. I hate showing my emotions around people, so I've been holding back the tears and telling everyone that I'm fine.

I hope things get better for you honey. :hugs: xx


----------



## pitty8

wamommy said:


> Today I realized that I will never be happy in this marriage. Instead of focusing on fixing it, I just want out.

I feel the same way! No one seems to understand me when I say that, but I am right there with you girl!


----------



## buttonhole

going to do some house work today, and hang the washing out, 
thrilling eh :wacko:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well today I'm gonna sit on my ass, watch tv and do BOT ALL :haha:


----------



## sp92

Today has been a good day for me! I got dressed and did my hair and make-up which I really didn't feel like doing. I met up with a friend and went to the cinema, which really helped to take my mind off things. Everything felt normal again for those few hours, and then I got home and I realised what happened all over again. I want to stop bleeding, it's just a constant reminder and I hate it.


----------



## Koukla

Today I washed my hair and shaved my legs, actually got dressed before noon, did a little gardening, played with DS in the dirt, did laundry, cleaned the counters, and did some job searching. I could have gotten much more done, but that's actually the most I've done in a couple days because I simply can't seem to make myself care. if it wasn't for DS I doubt I'd be getting out of bed.


----------



## buttonhole

today is quiet day for me, my 12 year old if off school he is feeling unwell.
just looked at my bank account and its not good lol

but, I am going out later for a coffee with family


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today I - me and OH spoke lastnight (I know technically not today lol) but he has convinced me to give sperm meets egg plan a go, when my new cycle decides to turn up.. 

We have never tried this before, we use to just :sex: then hope and pray it works. But I've read really good things regarding successful rate after a MC.

Just waiting for AF to arrive so we can actually start this :) x


----------



## sp92

Today I have a job interview! :happydance: xx


----------



## horseypants

again a little cheating, but tomorrow is my bday!!!!!!!!! i have come to terms with the fact that out of the blue, the slightest thing will make me burst into tears, possible even two years from now. however, i am ready to turn the page.

yesterday, i saw the doc for post d&c appointment and i wore a pendant that reminds me of my two lost little ones. i rocked the pendant, managed to feel sexy in a room full of pregos and i loved my doc, who ive just met for the first time. it got me feeling optimistic and decreased my anxiety in a big way.

today, after work, i'm going to go to the gym.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today I visited the doctor, after 5 weeks I'm still getting positives!

I feel like I'm getting pregnancy symptoms back :(... When will this nightmare end, I've been given tablets incase I have an infection from the d&c procedure :(


----------



## wamommy

Today I got into a serious car accident on the freeway with my 2 daughters in the back seat. They are fine (just shaken up a bit) but it made me realize that I really need to snap out of it and be there for my girls. I have been moping around snapping at them for weeks, and they deserve to have me back. I could lose THEM in an instant, and I feel like a real jerk for taking a lot of my sadness and shame out on two innocent angels :(


----------



## horseypants

wamommy, thank god you're all ok xo

babeebugs, hang in there, it'll be ok but i know it does really feel like it's taking too long and it's agonizing : (


----------



## buttonhole

wamommy, how frightening! I am glad you and your girls are ok 

today I went shopping with my bro, he bought me a Gooseberry bush for my garden :)

after 10 weeks of bleeding and 4 of no bleeding ....I am wondering when my period will appear......I felt really sick in a restaurant the other day, from the smell of a pasto/pepper/pasta dish.....now I wonder whooppps are we going to have a surprise... time will tell....too early to fall after my miscarriage in March
I am sure my body wont be ready...but lets see :)


----------



## Melanieanne77

Happy birthday Horsey Pants!


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Omg Hunnie sooo glad yous are all ok... I had a car crash in January just gone and it was awful!

I've felt awful with moping about as I too have 2 sons and it's not fair, but we are human after all and we have gone through something really horrendous! It takes time.

Today I feel Ill doctor gave me medicine yesterday as she think I have an infection from the d&c... Blurghhh


----------



## lovewithin

wamommy, glad you and your girls made it safe out of that car crash! that must have been horrible!

as far as i go... i'v been threatening that i would shave for weeks... and finally today... the hairless lovewithin edition is finally ready! i recon i've lost half a pound!

i forgot how smooth the skin can be! i feel like a dolphin!


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Pmsl love...

I need to shave I must say, I just can't be arsed! :haha: but I must make the effort...

Well today isn't a good day... Tomorrow will be the 10th year anniversary of my dad dying :(... He was buried the day after my 15th birthday... It's my birthday in 5 days time and this time of year is always hard emotionally :(


----------



## 4angels

Really admire you ladies for being strong enough to get through each day! 

Today I passed the baby we were so longing to have. Angel baby number 4 and I just feel so heartbroken xx


----------



## wamommy

Thank you for your concern ladies :hugs: We're all doing well, except my DH who is still stiff. 

4angels, I am so incredibly sorry you're going through this! Is anyone working with you to figure out what the heck is going on? A million hugs.

Lovewithin, grats on the shave :D Don't pants feel funny on legs that are shaved after a "mammoth period"?


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well tonight I'm having a good old drink of alcohol YUM YUM I thought I would make the most of it, as when I'm pregnant again I wont be able to have some for 9 months.

:) x


----------



## 4angels

wamommy said:


> Thank you for your concern ladies :hugs: We're all doing well, except my DH who is still stiff.
> 
> 4angels, I am so incredibly sorry you're going through this! Is anyone working with you to figure out what the heck is going on? A million hugs.
> 
> Lovewithin, grats on the shave :D Don't pants feel funny on legs that are shaved after a "mammoth period"?

We are now being referred for tests as they would not refer us prior to this as I had 1 ectopic pregnancy and 2 miscarriages. I was told I had to have 3 miscarriages before I "qualified" for tests. I'm just hoping we might now get some answers. Just feel so deflated tonight. :cry: xx


----------



## ChelliBelle

Babee_Bugs said:


> Well tonight I'm having a good old drink of alcohol YUM YUM I thought I would make the most of it, as when I'm pregnant again I wont be able to have some for 9 months.
> 
> :) x


I did that last night- first drink since I found out i was pregnant before the mc.... It was most enjoyed! :)


----------



## lovewithin

oh wamommy, yeps everything feels weird: leggings and pants, but most of all - underwear... i did a brazillian after ages (TMI i know!!!) and i was like: oooh there u are! i almost forgot i had those bits!


----------



## wamommy

lovewithin said:


> oh wamommy, yeps everything feels weird: leggings and pants, but most of all - underwear... i did a brazillian after ages (TMI i know!!!) and i was like: oooh there u are! i almost forgot i had those bits!



LMAO :rofl: :rofl:

I so needed that laugh :)


----------



## buttonhole

lovewithin said:


> oh wamommy, yeps everything feels weird: leggings and pants, but most of all - underwear... i did a brazillian after ages (TMI i know!!!) and i was like: oooh there u are! i almost forgot i had those bits!

PMSL!!! that made me laugh!!!!

yesterday I had a lovely walk about town with my mam, home for tea, saw MIL home again, was lovely oh and got some sparley new shoes........
still no sign of my period......mmmmmmmy body will be regulating itself I suppose.


----------



## buttonhole

yesterday (aye a day later hey hooo) I got dressed up in a pretty dress (shaved my mammoth legs again) put on my pretty sparkly shoes and some make up, and went to a christening, it was lovely to be dressed up, DH looks so nice too

today its just myself and my youngest at home, so I am tackling some housework....
oh and still no sign of my period....where is it!:blush:


----------



## horseypants

today i am at work, in a dress

....ahhh, and friday was my bday, so actually, i made it a point to enjoy myself this weekend :)


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Hey ladies... Hope we are all well :)

Well today we had a family day outing! OMG the stress was unreal, there was 3 cars following each other, the car in front vanished and left us stranded in the middle of no where with no sat nav NOTHING! Hahahha... It wasn't funny at the time, but can certainly laugh about it now hahaha

But the kids enjoyed it aswell as the adults so that's the main thing :) x


----------



## buttonhole

good evening 
I got my period yesterday, and its heavy :nope:
oh well....
spent today with DH and sorting the week ahead out, nothing exciting but a good day


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today I'm still getting positive tests :(... It was bfn on sunday, Monday got something slightly there and today abit darker... Arghhhhh what's going on.... And I have nausea really BAD, twice today I've nearly :sick:

You'd think it would be a new pregnancy, but I've had positive test for weeks.. This is the second time it went to bfn and then started to become bfp again :(


----------



## ChelliBelle

Today is the 1st day i've not bleed since the start of my miscarriage, 2 1/2 weeks ago. I am relieved it has stopped. AF better not rear her head for a few weeks....I need a rest :)


----------



## buttonhole

afternoon :)
I am having a quiet day again, housework tackled, watered my flowers.
fed up with this period...my first since M/C heavy and annoying lol

sat here wondering what to do, I have no money at all till friday...so might bake some cookies or something


----------



## horseypants

today i brought my gym clothes to work and im planning to go work out


----------



## lovewithin

worked out and then watched some hilarious youtube videos and been laughing like crazy!


----------



## horseypants

oooh :) post one of the videos! today i also put on a perfume i havent worn in a while. "flowerbomb." i smell delicious to myself lol.


----------



## cupcake

whoohoo ladies, glad to see the thread is still going strong, I am still waiting for AF to come , some days are good, others are hard, I am trying to focus on being positive :) 
:hugs: to you all


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Cupcake I'm still waiting for AF I'm on CD41...

What day are you on?


----------



## horseypants

today i ate a ginourmous salad and im wearing a dress to work again. i am going to do karaoke for the first time ever this evening when i get outta here. hi babee bugs <3


----------



## sallyhansen76

Today i actually put mascara on and did my hair. (been to work for a week now looking like a complete wreck)


----------



## cupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> Cupcake I'm still waiting for AF I'm on CD41...
> 
> What day are you on?

I don't know what cd but I bled for 6 days, and since then its been about 30 days, I recently had an ultrasound that said I had ovulated, so expecting it some time this week, I guess we are still in the 4 to 6 week range...
I have had feelings of it coming but nothing yet


----------



## lilesMom

today i .... 
went on my treadmill and did stomach crunches. 
2 weeks today since my d and c and was told no proper exercise till now, i wanna lose weight and get healthier in my 2 cycle wait before i can ttc


----------



## sp92

Today I weighed myself and I've lost 6lbs! I know that the mc will have had an effect on that, but I'm proud nonetheless because I've been watching what I eat really carefully the past week or so. Off on holiday in September so want to be down to a size 12 by then. I'm a 14/16 just now.

Happy day for me. :)


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well today I turn 26....


And I got a "pregnant 1-2" on a Clearblue digital test... My ic tests I did today showed progression sooooo fingers crossed x


----------



## lovewithin

awwww Babee Bugs! Happy Birthday! AND fingers crossed for that birthday gift :)


----------



## PinkCupcake

Today i woke up and didn't cry the minute i opened my eyes like i did the whole day yesterday :thumbup:


----------



## wamommy

PinkCupcake, gigantic :hugs: :hugs:
I am so sorry :( I know it doesn't seem like it, but it gets a tad easier each day. I believe some women have even moved on to shaving their legs :D I wish I could reach through and give a much-needed hug, hun.


----------



## PinkCupcake

wamommy said:


> PinkCupcake, gigantic :hugs: :hugs:
> I am so sorry :( I know it doesn't seem like it, but it gets a tad easier each day. I believe some women have even moved on to shaving their legs :D I wish I could reach through and give a much-needed hug, hun.

Thanks wamommy :hug:

I can still cry so easily obviously as it's still raw, somebodies only got to ask me if i'm okay and i'll be in floods. Everyone says it gets easier like everything does in time i guess, but i don't feel like that at the moment :cry: I will admit the support from the lovely ladies on this forum is what helped me through yesterday! some of the comments were so touching and made me realise that although I felt like I was the only one in the world going through it, so many are and it's heartbreaking but I love all of you to bits, no matter how soppy that sounds :)


----------



## buttonhole

morning folks, last night I went to a pub! well it was to meet the staff, 
I am a paranormal investigator and a medium...and we are holding a ghost hunt at this pub.
was nice to get out and do something 'normal' haha well for me that is....
today I am off to do a bit of shopping and thats about it :)


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Pink its horrible :( probs the worst thing a woman could go through... 

It does get easier, but it will never ever go away... You aren't alone and everyone is here for support :)


----------



## PinkCupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> Pink its horrible :( probs the worst thing a woman could go through...
> 
> It does get easier, but it will never ever go away... You aren't alone and everyone is here for support :)

You're right, i definitely agree it has to be the worst thing a woman could ever go through, and my heart breaks for anyone that has this news coming their way and anybody that's ever been given this news before- because it has broke me and many many others that it's happened to :( it's weird how you can walk into a hospital feeling so happy and excited and then walk out feeling like the world has just ended. and how you walk into a room in the hospital thinking yay we get to see how baby has grown, and walk out trying to come to terms with the fact baby is dead inside you. i'm just looking ahead to tuesday now, just want to get this d&c out of the way and try and look forward with my life xx


----------



## sp92

Pink - :hugs:

Babee - happy birthday for yesterday/today! And yay for the clear blue test. :) xx


----------



## lovewithin

pinkcupcake, this is a kind of a hell i wouldn't wish to the worst enemy.. it is still very raw for you, but trust me with time it does get easier.. although it seems impossible. i am sending you a huge hug :hugs:

..and wamommy yes... today i re-shaved my armpits... summer is here, now at least i can wave back to the people on the street...


----------



## Babee_Bugs

I can totally relate to everything you said... My partner never came to any of my scans with my boys as he said they would scare him... So I begged him to come to the scan when I was pregnant and he didn't have a clue of where to go or anything and I even pointed to the little window of where we come out and then get a picture of our baby... Only when we got int he scanning room, there was no baby, just a empty sac and placenta... When I think back to that point, when we walked into the room, there had like a little flat screen tv so you could watch everything and there was a still image of a baby from a previous scan, and after mine a still image was of emptiness... We were then told I may of had a molar pregnancy, which isn't good news at all.. So had a d&c

I walked in there with my black folder with all my pregnancy notes that a couple of weeks beforehand had sat with the midwife and it took over an hour to fill it all in... I expected to come out of the hospital with my folder and my pictures... I felt sooo empty handed, there was nothing... Worst feeling in the world.

As you can probably tell from what I have written, It still hurts ALOT and probs always will.

I bought a little plant from the garden centre and it's become my little jelly tot. It's growing ever so strong and colourful :) x


----------



## horseypants

ughhhhh ladies, today i'm having a harder time than yesterday.... hang in there everyone and try to have some fun this weekend


----------



## wamommy

horseypants said:


> ughhhhh ladies, today i'm having a harder time than yesterday.... hang in there everyone and try to have some fun this weekend

I'm so sorry Horseypants :( Some days sure are harder than others... I'm sorry you're having a tough one!!

Today I rented a Rug Doctor and spent hours cleaning every bit of carpet in my house. Take THAT cat dander!!!!


----------



## horseypants

go girl :)

:hangwashing::dishes::iron::shower::laundry:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Horsey I've done all of those today apart from the ironing! I detest the iron it's my worst enemy lol


----------



## Etoiles

Today I left the house by myself and ran errands which I have not done in a week.


----------



## FeLynn

Today I attended a cancer event/walk. I wasnt able to walk since I am in pain and still bleeding from my d&e on Tuesday but my 2 oldest sons walked and they did an awesome job!!!


----------



## horseypants

today i daydreamed about how next time, it will go well


----------



## lovewithin

yesterday i had the same dream...


----------



## kelly4

Today I booked a holiday in August with dh, I need something to look forward to again.


----------



## horseypants

did my nails :)


----------



## manuiti

Today I didn't cry... yet. And put some makeup on, and booked my follow up appt with my Dr.


----------



## buttonhole

hello ladies 
been a busy girl this last week
did a car boot and made £78 :)
had a lovely day on Monday with DH just the two of us
also been food shopping and packing my ebay parcels for the post office.

just a bit of normality, we really enjoyed the carboot on suday, was a right hoot


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today I miscarried for the second time in 7 weeks :(.... I feel devastated


----------



## manuiti

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today I miscarried for the second time in 7 weeks :(.... I feel devastated

oh hun. i'm so so sorry. sending you huge hugs. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## manuiti

Today I did my hair & I went out for lunch with my mum and my sister & I enjoyed myself.


----------



## sp92

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today I miscarried for the second time in 7 weeks :(.... I feel devastated

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
So sorry to hear this. xx


----------



## cupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today I miscarried for the second time in 7 weeks :(.... I feel devastated

no Babee_Bugs, oh I am so sorry :nope:
we are here for you, when ever you need :hugs:


----------



## lilesMom

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today I miscarried for the second time in 7 weeks :(.... I feel devastated

oh no babee bugs u poor thing, so so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

I got my results today off my beta yesterday... It was 57... The doctor did arrange for me to go to the early pregnancy loss, for assessment etc... But obviously there is no point I. Doing that, as I know 100% I've miscarried and I'm bleeding really heavy now.

Thank you for all your warm wishes... X


----------



## wamommy

Oh, babee... I'm so sorry :( A million :hugs: I wish there was something to say to make it better. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## horseypants

oh sweety im so so so so so sorry


----------



## sallyhansen76

So sorry for your loss hun :hugs: Stay strong dear xxx


----------



## buttonhole

Babee_Bugs said:


> I got my results today off my beta yesterday... It was 57... The doctor did arrange for me to go to the early pregnancy loss, for assessment etc... But obviously there is no point I. Doing that, as I know 100% I've miscarried and I'm bleeding really heavy now.
> 
> Thank you for all your warm wishes... X

 I am sorry to hear this :(


----------



## MamaDee

Today I made it through my d&c, resting up at home not feeling too bad. But know that the morphine that they gave me afterwards is likely still causing me to be slightly emotionally numb. Tomorrow I am to attend my cousins babyshower and think I will need another dose of morphine to make it through the day to play braveheart. -I am 100% joking, I promise I do not take drugs (unless in hospital).

Babee Bugs, :hugs: I am so sorry to hear this is happening again, I remember you posting to me on one of my threads and I know how badly you wanted this baby. I hope you can find peace and strength to keep trying :hugs: :flower:


----------



## manuiti

Today I gave myself a manicure - trying to feel good on the outside with the hope it'll eventually seep through to the inside - and went round to my sister's and helped her make loads of fondant flowers for a cake she's making.

MamaOfOne - glad to hear you got through your D&C ok. Wishing you all the emotional strength in the world for tomorrow! :hugs:


----------



## Kerjack

I know Ive never posted here before, but this seems like a very helpful thread. 

Today I told someone about my miscarriage, of over a year ago, and recieved a great response. I felt relieved and didnt cry.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today I have gutted the kitchen out...wow there's actually a nice kitchen behind all the muck and grime I've just shifted :)


----------



## buttonhole

hello gang, 
been a long day, we did another carboot sale, and had a great laugh
home now house work done now I am chilling watching the Waltons :)


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today we took our boys to watch the Olympic torch bearers coming through our town...


----------



## cupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today we took our boys to watch the Olympic torch bearers coming through our town...

My boys would love that, what
cl parents you are!


----------



## robinson380

I had my first m/c and d&c 6/8/12. I attended my sister's babyshower over the weekend and tried to fight off tears all Saturday. I know my family and friends are trying to be nice but a few of them came up to me at the shower and gav3e me long hugs teling me how sorry they were or how much they love me. I just wanted to run and hide! I did not feel sad until they brought the extra attention. But I completed the day no crying :)


----------



## ChelliBelle

BabyBugz- I am so sorry to hear this news for you :( :hugs:


today I started my period- 4 weeks 1 day since my MC, and a full 2 weeks of no bleeding....

and so another cycle commences......


----------



## manuiti

Today I had my D&C follow up appointment - 10 days after having had it done. He did a vaginal ultrasound & said I could expect to continue spotting for another 7-10 days from what's left to come out. But he gave me the all clear to get back to normal life, exercise, etc. All the details in my journal if you're interested. Wish hubby was home with me... I miss him.


----------



## horseypants

...started a fresh new chart. it's cycle day 1.


----------



## buttonhole

good morning
been a few days since I posted,
I have a new job :thumbup:
and aswell as that I have started a new business....

crazy oh yes!
I like to live by the seat of my pants LOL


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well it doesn't look like its over just yet....

It turns out I'm actually still pregnant, but possible that I miscarried a twin :cry:... I'm going in for betas today, hope and pray that it's doubled...


----------



## ChelliBelle

Babee_Bugs said:


> Well it doesn't look like its over just yet....
> 
> It turns out I'm actually still pregnant, but possible that I miscarried a twin :cry:... I'm going in for betas today, hope and pray that it's doubled...


Oh hun, what an emotional roller coaster you are on at the moment. I have everything that can possibly be crossed, crossed for you :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## buttonhole

Babee_Bugs said:


> Well it doesn't look like its over just yet....
> 
> It turns out I'm actually still pregnant, but possible that I miscarried a twin :cry:... I'm going in for betas today, hope and pray that it's doubled...

aww hunny, fingers and toes crossed for you


----------



## annalee2003

Today I put away all the dishes (hate doing that, usually just end up leaving them in the dish washer, heh), DH made coffee and bacon for breakfast and I folded all the laundry. :)


----------



## PinkCupcake

Today I managed to gulp hard and not cry when a slow, depressing song came on in the shop. I was in town a couple of days after finding out and two sad songs came on during the time I was out, I couldn't help but cry and had to go home. In the arms of the angel came on first and then Christina Aguilera - beautiful. Today, goodbye my lover by james blunt came on and I just managed to grin and bear it! Slowly getting there I guess :) i've never been a great lover of slow songs and always used to cry when I was little if I heard one! x x


----------



## buttonhole

hello :happydance:
just been doing my house work nothing thrilling but hey hooo its done


----------



## aimze

today i decided to decorate


----------



## PinkCupcake

Yesterday (sorry, that kinda defeats the object of this thread lol)
I put down a deposit for two little balls of fluff! they're a mix between a Chihuahua and a Bichon frise. It's been just over a month since I had my D&C and I finally feel like it's time to try and move on (as much as that's possible?) I'm not getting the dogs until the 21st, so even longer before they come, but it's also a little more healing time. I'm going back on the pill as i'm only 17, so me and OH (if we're still going strong) won't be trying for atleast another 5 or 6 years. Maybe even more, so these two little princes *will* be my babies, not that anything in the world could replace my angel x x


----------



## PinkCupcake

manuiti said:


> Today I had my D&C follow up appointment - 10 days after having had it done. He did a vaginal ultrasound & said I could expect to continue spotting for another 7-10 days from what's left to come out. But he gave me the all clear to get back to normal life, exercise, etc. All the details in my journal if you're interested. Wish hubby was home with me... I miss him.

Hi manuiti.. i'm just wondering really, did you have to make an appointment for a follow up after your D&C? I never got told anything about having to make an appointment and they haven't sent me anything through about it. They never said i'd have one either. It's been about 21 days or so since mine, and I only bled for an hour after being back on the ward. Do I need to enquire??


----------



## aimze

Today i also booked my d n c. I wanted to wait it out but after feedback decided this was the best option. X


----------



## horseypants

today i woke up with puffy eyes because last night when i asked OH to tell me a story and i wouldn't, i flipped out "i can have a d&c and you cant be bothered to tell me an effing story!!?!?!" i got mean and sad and after being a royal pain, fell asleep still crying.

um so yeah. today im hanging in there, embarrassed again, and waiting to o


----------



## aimze

arrr horsypants hope you feel better today 

today i went for a form filling session at the hospital and feel better today than yesterday but know tomorro.will feel worse.

x


----------



## BeautifulD

Today I'm hoping to be pain free and get out of bed for a little while. I've been ok since the Erpc on Tuesday but today I'm really feeling the loss :cry:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

PinkCupcake said:


> manuiti said:
> 
> 
> Today I had my D&C follow up appointment - 10 days after having had it done. He did a vaginal ultrasound & said I could expect to continue spotting for another 7-10 days from what's left to come out. But he gave me the all clear to get back to normal life, exercise, etc. All the details in my journal if you're interested. Wish hubby was home with me... I miss him.
> 
> Hi manuiti.. i'm just wondering really, did you have to make an appointment for a follow up after your D&C? I never got told anything about having to make an appointment and they haven't sent me anything through about it. They never said i'd have one either. It's been about 21 days or so since mine, and I only bled for an hour after being back on the ward. Do I need to enquire??Click to expand...

I don't believe there is a follow up in the UK after a d&c... If its natural, then you get a check up


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well it's been about 9 weeks since my d&c :cry:

Today I started sorting out the pregnancy website blog I created when I was pregnant. It was sooo hard and emotional to go through pregnancy tests, bump images... Delete all the feelings and symptoms I had noted down.

Lastnight me and OH had a huge talk about what happened and how it made us feel, which was the first time since we lost our little one.


----------



## aimze

today i had the erpc...felt sad before but strangely ok now. im glad i can now look to the future.

i was thinking where my poppy is, she couldnt survive at 8 weeks in heaven but i found comfort picturing her in heaven at 4 yrs old. running through a golden field an i imagined her lovely tanned skin, golden brown bouncy curls an a face of an angel.

x


----------



## aimze

today i feel physicqlly better than yesterday but emotionally today has been hard. i brought a poppy themed storage box an put in there the pregnancy tests, unread pregnancy book i just brought and my tiny baby scan photos. 

tomorrow i will go back to work :-(


----------



## horseypants

today i feel emotionally stronger than before and am ready to ttc. on the negative tip though, i also have started asking myself what to do differently next time, hoping this never ever happens again.

today i also walked out of the house imagining that IF it does happen again, i will change jobs and move before trying again!


----------



## Melanieanne77

Yesterday my partner said that he realised how much TTC means to me and that life is too short to not keep trying...I think I may be Oing and so we had a lazy romantic day in bed on Sunday. 

If it happens it happens...if not, I think I will put it all aside for a few months and focus on my new position at work...

Last thyme, I felt like I knew instantly that I was pregnant...this thyme, Ive no idea if Im ovulating or not. I keep using those cheap green sticks and the second line is quite feint which i guess means negative...

I cant believe I have gotten to this point - even though I still have days where I cry and cry. But at least those days are becoming few and far between. They surprise me when it happens though.

So I guess Im doing the Two Week Wait thing... 

It is 7 weeks after my miscarriages and Im feeling hopeful that things can only get better from here on in :)

Hope everyone is celebrating their successes too x


----------



## sp92

Today I went to the doctor to get back on the pill. I've been fine about everything for the past few weeks but as soon as I sat down and he asked how I was doing I knew exactly what he meant and I just burst into tears. He was so good about everything, sympathetic and understanding which I appreciated. It just frustrates me how I can go about my life absolutely fine (I mean not dwelling on it, not getting upset every day, etc) and then as soon as I'm in a situation like that where someone directly asks me how I'm coping with everything and I have a million things I WANT to say about how well I'm doing, I just burst into tears and I can't express anything.

I really am coping well. I just wish I was able to put it into words without getting upset when someone asks me how I am.


----------



## PinkCupcake

sp92 said:


> Today I went to the doctor to get back on the pill. I've been fine about everything for the past few weeks but as soon as I sat down and he asked how I was doing I knew exactly what he meant and I just burst into tears. He was so good about everything, sympathetic and understanding which I appreciated. It just frustrates me how I can go about my life absolutely fine (I mean not dwelling on it, not getting upset every day, etc) and then as soon as I'm in a situation like that where someone directly asks me how I'm coping with everything and I have a million things I WANT to say about how well I'm doing, I just burst into tears and I can't express anything.
> 
> I really am coping well. I just wish I was able to put it into words without getting upset when someone asks me how I am.

I'm doing the exact same thing babe :( i'm fine every day now. I don't often think about what's happened anymore and haven't cried in a while but whenever someone asks me how I am, my heart will sink and i have to gulp so hard but end up crying anyway. 

Anyway, what have i done today..
Took the first pill of the pack this morning as i'm also going back on the pill. I wasn't overjoyed about it at first because i wanted another little bean so bad but i realise now it's for the best and i have a long time to think about babies. I also went and got my nails done and got my hair restyled and my layers put back as it was getting longer than how it's suppose to be. Actually bothering with myself now .. yay !


----------



## aimze

yay to new hairdo!

today i havent cried...i came close several times but never.cried.

i also decided to move my wedding 7months earlier as a september wedding without 7month poppy is heartbreaking

xx


----------



## horseypants

i'm excited about getting married too and today, ive looked at my ring about a million times. i thought the ring would remind me of the tragedy becaue OH proposed in the midst of it, but it doesnt. it is beautiful and perfect and just what i always wanted. it reminds me of how steady DF has been in giving his love despite the dramatic traumas in our life together.


----------



## PinkCupcake

aww aimze! i keep thinking ahead too. even really tiny things like looking at the 'best before' date on food, and lately i keep seeing jan and feb 2013! now it seems like i can't help but think "oh, i should have a 1 or 2 month old by then..." it's horrible. and i keep basically torturing myself by looking at the pregnancy apps on my phone! it's amazing how big baby would have been by now and i can't believe i'd of been 17 weeks already. i get a bit angry inside whenever i think like that because i'd be quite a way into the pregnancy and now i have nothing inside me anymore. i'm glad to see that some of you are feeling better. i'm getting there quicker than i thought! also managing to see my friend in person who was due around the same time as me. i felt the baby kick today or should i say THUMP and while my heart sank to think i should be feeling the same, i'm now really excited for her. horseypants, that's real cute about the ring! i'm glad it doesn't bring it all back too, because you're going to have to look at it for a long time :) sorry for the rant/paragraph! didn't intend for it to be so long lol. xxx


----------



## aimze

horseypants when do you think you'll get married?

today i actually rebooked my wedding  its like announcing it all over again. today i am also very bloated with a proper baby belly :-( why wont my uterous go down??

today my weirdo cousin announced their expected baby on fb. 12weeks...im so jealous as they cant even look after themslves but i cant be angry...

x


----------



## horseypants

today my sister told me she's having a separate party with her newlywed friends and their new baby and the coast is clear for me to join her at the main celebration (i admitted to her that i cant handle being around the perfect family cause im jealous green monster)

aimze, congrats!!!!! i am shooting for around this time next year, but i'm waiting on the ok from our church to book the date :) ....screw and eff facebook! ....hey, how's work treating u?


----------



## aimze

works been fine - a nice distraction till i see a pregnant lady an i wish my baby was here...

today i called in sick with the worst migraine ive ever had!

x


----------



## PinkCupcake

aimze said:


> horseypants when do you think you'll get married?
> 
> today i actually rebooked my wedding  its like announcing it all over again. today i am also very bloated with a proper baby belly :-( why wont my uterous go down??
> 
> today my weirdo cousin announced their expected baby on fb. 12weeks...im so jealous as they cant even look after themslves but i cant be angry...
> 
> x

aimze i am totally with you on this one!! my cousin is nearly 19 and has just got a 16 year old girl pregnant who's not 17 until february. his record is full already and he's only young, never stops smoking weed, always getting into fights which is the result of his obsession towards drink. i guarantee everything with her will be fine and i wouldn't want it to go wrong because the girl will probably be a top little mum but it still seems SO unfair!!


----------



## cupcake

Today I went to the doc cos my second period after mc is MIA?? She did blood work and told me we'll kick start my period with progesterone if it doesn't come, she also said she would give me two cycles to get preg, before clomid feeling confused..


----------



## aimze

Cupcake how MIA are you? :-(

Pink Cupcake - I was doing some FB stalking and went for a nap an my phone vibrated - an it said **** Has ACCEPTED your freind request - I accidently added my cousins gf - oops! AND THEN 10 mins later it said **** has ACCEPTED and it looks like i've accidently requested two of his mates - I look like a right stalker now!!!


----------



## cupcake

for a usual 28 day cycle I am 4 days late now


----------



## aimze

:-( Its so horrible waiting for AF to show - I was SO over the moon when my AF didnt show and I got my BFP, crazy how much things can change...

Your not pg are you cupcake? x


----------



## cupcake

not with an hcg of 1.2


----------



## aimze

oh no, defo not :-( hopefully it shows up soon...have you been monitoring ovulation with ov sticks?


----------



## cupcake

yeah but I ran out, and so I think I didn't ovulate, hence no period..


----------



## aimze

any period?

today i met a sweet girl called poppy (which was my babies name) felt sad for a moment as I've never met anyone called poppy before.


----------



## PinkCupcake

ahh aimze that's so weird, something similar happened to me today aswell. 

i went out for lunch today with my parents, boyfriend, and some friends of the family. They brought their 2 year old grandaughter along called Layla which was quite touching as that was going to be my babies name if she was a girl (which i would bet anything it was a girl!) I have heard of the little girl before but she lives up north with her parents so i'd never actually met her. Just seeing her parents call "Layla" and look so happy was actually hard to just sit there and smile at. Just thinking that would have been me with a newborn by christmas. It's easier to take now but it's getting so much harder as I would have been getting further into the pregnancy. how far along would you have been now aimze?? xxx


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well today, I do believe I passed everything :cry:

2 miscarriages straight after each other... OH wants to keep trying and I shudder at the thought.. I hope that changes


----------



## aimze

cupcake id be 11+3 today. i keep getting the online notifications even tho iv removed the apps :-(

x


----------



## FeLynn

I would be entering my 20th week this weeks and would be ready for an ultrasound. I can't help but keep track as each week goes by. Its heart breaking my little girls heart just stopped. I have yet to accept it I would give anything to have my princess back.


----------



## PinkCupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> Well today, I do believe I passed everything :cry:
> 
> 2 miscarriages straight after each other... OH wants to keep trying and I shudder at the thought.. I hope that changes

sorry to hear this baby bugs :( i had no clue this happened to you again! I remember reading that you was 'cautiously pregnant' after your first mc, god knows how you must feel right now.. thinking of you :hugs:



aimze said:


> cupcake id be 11+3 today. i keep getting the online notifications even tho iv removed the apps :-(
> 
> x

aww :( i'd of been 17 weeks 3 days, it's going by so quickly it's unreal. when i was pregnant, each second of first tri dragged so badly and now it's just whizzing past. i haven't removed the apps on my phone, i can't :( I still like to have a look at the weekly development because it amazes me to think that i *would and should* have a baby inside me that's so developed by now! :( xx


----------



## PinkCupcake

Today, i went out shopping and bumped into somebody that i know in a shop. Last time I saw her, I was about 6 weeks pregnant and stupidly made the mistake of telling her, just like I told a handful of others too.. She obviously didn't know what has happened because i haven't seen her in a while and she asked me how many weeks I was now :( I managed to hold myself together without crying and just told her that I lost the baby, and then she gave me a hug and i burst into tears. She was so apologetic that i cried but i've been doing this to everyone since it first happened! I don't know when the time will come that i can actually hold myself together when somebody asks how I am or something. :(


----------



## aimze

aww felyn :-( big hugs...

pinkcupcake bless u meeting ur mate..Its so hard :-(

i think exactly the same thing, went really slowly being pregnant an now goin fast :+(


----------



## PinkCupcake

it must be all the worry and unknown that makes it drag when pregnant :/ most of us spend every minute of the day thinking and worrying which makes each day go so slow. no wonder it dragged for us all but it's expected, especially for those who had already been through a loss :( 

me and OH spoke about a holiday today as we've only ever been away in this country together for a week. my parents are going away with friends of the family to Cancun, Mexico for 3 weeks next June to a family resort considering my parents have my six year older brother and the family friends have 9 year old twins (they were young parents lol!) so i'm thinking we might accept the invite and go with them :) it's nice to know we will have something to look forward to. Booking next month and i can't wait, it's soooo needed! xx


----------



## Babee_Bugs

PinkCupcake said:


> Babee_Bugs said:
> 
> 
> Well today, I do believe I passed everything :cry:
> 
> 2 miscarriages straight after each other... OH wants to keep trying and I shudder at the thought.. I hope that changes
> 
> sorry to hear this baby bugs :( i had no clue this happened to you again! I remember reading that you was 'cautiously pregnant' after your first mc, god knows how you must feel right now.. thinking of you :hugs:
> 
> 
> 
> aimze said:
> 
> 
> cupcake id be 11+3 today. i keep getting the online notifications even tho iv removed the apps :-(
> 
> xClick to expand...
> 
> aww :( i'd of been 17 weeks 3 days, it's going by so quickly it's unreal. when i was pregnant, each second of first tri dragged so badly and now it's just whizzing past. i haven't removed the apps on my phone, i can't :( I still like to have a look at the weekly development because it amazes me to think that i *would and should* have a baby inside me that's so developed by now! :( xxClick to expand...



I don't think it's actually sunk in... I never for one second thought, that we would fall pregnant sooo fast, as it took years to fall in feb... Then when I found out I was pregnant again, I thought surely I can't be that unlucky to have 2 miscarriages in a row?... But obviously yup, I was that unlucky


----------



## BeautifulD

:bugs: xx my heart breaks for you, I shudder at the thought too, I'm sure it will pass though xx


----------



## BeautifulD

Today I actually managed to get through a day without sobbing, I even managed to smile a bit. I had a horrific day yesterday, lots of pain and passing massive clots! I think I have passed everything now though as the bleeding has turned to spotting, please god let this be the road to healing, in body at least!


----------



## PinkCupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> I don't think it's actually sunk in... I never for one second thought, that we would fall pregnant sooo fast, as it took years to fall in feb... Then when I found out I was pregnant again, I thought surely I can't be that unlucky to have 2 miscarriages in a row?... But obviously yup, I was that unlucky

It must be the hardest thing ever to go through it more than once. I'm so sorry :( :hugs:

I remember reading your first MC story on a thread when I was pregnant. Then I lost the baby, and remember reading that you was pregnant again and I was so shocked at how quick it must have happened! And now this :( it's terrible.. How far along was you if you don't mind me asking?? x


----------



## MrsC1003

Today I managed to do the 350 mile journey home after miscarrying at my Grandparents. I managed to brush and straighten my hair and not scream as the train passed the place my baby is currently at having tests ran on her, or scream at the number of people I saw on the train with their children who just didn't seem to realise how lucky they are :-(


----------



## Babee_Bugs

PinkCupcake said:


> I remember reading your first MC story on a thread when I was pregnant. Then I lost the baby, and remember reading that you was pregnant again and I was so shocked at how quick it must have happened! And now this :( it's terrible.. How far along was you if you don't mind me asking?? x

I ovulated around 6 weeks after my d&c... But you add the 2 weeks before that, and so on the 11th of July I was around 8weeks, give and take a few days, as I had a scan done 16 days prior, which found a gestational sac with yolk sac... But my womb was full of blood! So it was a very bleak outlook from the start.

My first miscarriage was a blighted ovum and there treating this as a blighted ovum also, because of what the last scan showed :(

There were gonna give me the tablets, so I went to the hospital, to be told after further looking at the scan, there recommend doing it naturally... I can usually stomache a lot of things, but doing this naturally is starting to take its toll me on


----------



## PinkCupcake

MrsC1003 said:


> Today I managed to do the 350 mile journey home after miscarrying at my Grandparents. I managed to brush and straighten my hair and not scream as the train passed the place my baby is currently at having tests ran on her, or scream at the number of people I saw on the train with their children who just didn't seem to realise how lucky they are :-(

 oh hun that's terrible.. you done very well not to scream because i would have done if it had just recently happened to me. also well done for managing to brush and straighten your hair! that's more than what i managed to do right away .. plus it's the small things like that, that lead to a smile in time xx



Babee_Bugs said:


> PinkCupcake said:
> 
> 
> I remember reading your first MC story on a thread when I was pregnant. Then I lost the baby, and remember reading that you was pregnant again and I was so shocked at how quick it must have happened! And now this :( it's terrible.. How far along was you if you don't mind me asking?? x
> 
> I ovulated around 6 weeks after my d&c... But you add the 2 weeks before that, and so on the 11th of July I was around 8weeks, give and take a few days, as I had a scan done 16 days prior, which found a gestational sac with yolk sac... But my womb was full of blood! So it was a very bleak outlook from the start.
> 
> My first miscarriage was a blighted ovum and there treating this as a blighted ovum also, because of what the last scan showed :(Click to expand...

ohhh i see :( i had strong hopes for the most recent pregnancy of yours. what with reading about your last loss and then like you, i just doubted it would happen again. it seems so common and it's hard to understand why?! I was speaking to a old friend of mine today who actually asked how many weeks i was now (meant to be 18 nearly) and i couldn't help but cry. she didn't know what's happened, and ended up telling me that she's had 4 losses one after the other. it makes no sense how things can go wrong with a fresh, new pregnancy each time to the same person. i still find it hard to understand how things went wrong with my pregnancy even, especially when i saw the baby at 8+1 looking like a tiny human with little features already. then it all went wrong and it's hard to accept that it went wrong when my baby had developed to a certain degree already and then just died :( argh there's a million and one questions that we will never have answered. i wish we all did have more answers. i understand that hospitals deal with this every day but they didn't seem to care about the fact that i wanted answers. to them, our pregnancies are just one of SO many but to us, these meant everything and it would definitely have settled my mind to know if my baby would have been normal even but i'm never going to know. it SUCKS. :(

:hugs:


----------



## cupcake

today I finally got my period after being 6 days late, or maybe even 10, I ovulated after my miscarriage and got a normal period so this being my second period to come, didnt expect things to still be out of whack , but they were, and I just bought the progesterone pills the gyno said to take if I dont get my period... 
well thank G-D I got my period, and for once thank G-D I tested early or I would have thought I was pregnant and been so let down


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Pink cupcake - your right it awful!. I've got 2 sons to the same partner, who I'm still with now... And I had them with absolutely no problems at all. I was overdue with them etc.

But I was only 18 and 21 when I had them, I'm now just turned 26.. So I'm starting to think that maybes I'm just too old? I started my periods early at about 12 years old... So maybes my good eggs have been depleted and now I've got rubbish empty ones :shrug:

I don't know... I was talking to the consultant after my scan on the 11th just gone, it took him 20 minutes to remember he hadn't said his condolences, not that I wanted any, as I knew things weren't good before my scan. But he just kept smirking, took phone calls during my consultation. Asked me if I had children and I said, well yeh I've got 2 boys, so his response was, oh so your trying to have a girl then?... I just looked at him and my response was, "no, I don't really care, but considering I can't get past the first trimester, I will have whatever gender!" he quickly changed his smirk. Said I'm still in the range of normal, because there won't class my chemical pregnancy miscarriage I had in August, as a actual miscarriage, because I wouldn't of know I was pregnant if I hadn't of tested before my period was due. So if I miscarry again, then I'm elegible for testing! LOVELY... I hope there isn't a next time

I made the mistake of telling people when I was pregnant in feb, and so the people who didn't know that I miscarried would come upto me and say "ee lucky you for not showing!" needless to say I didn't feel so lucky after that. This pregnancy I told no-one not untill the other day.


----------



## horseypants

argh babee bumps dont say that - im 34!

today i'm hopeful damnit! testing tomorrow :p


----------



## Babee_Bugs

horseypants said:


> argh babee bumps dont say that - im 34!
> 
> today i'm hopeful damnit! testing tomorrow :p

Lol horsey... I don't know, 26 sounds young, but I honestly think my body is just screwed up.

Awww goodluck for testing Hunnie x


----------



## BeautifulD

At 26 you're definitely not to old hun! 

Today I'm getting my house back together, tidy house is a tidy mind!

Good luck for testing horseypants xx


----------



## aimze

good luck for testing!!

im 25 with an apparent low ovaarian reserve meaning i could menopause any month so for me i always wondered what if i tried at 18? but the guy i was with was an idiot at 18 so id much rather adopt with my amazing oh than have to be in contact with an idiotic ex!

x


----------



## Melanieanne77

Babee_Bugs said:


> Pink cupcake - your right it awful!. I've got 2 sons to the same partner, who I'm still with now... And I had them with absolutely no problems at all. I was overdue with them etc.
> 
> But I was only 18 and 21 when I had them, I'm now just turned 26.. So I'm starting to think that maybes I'm just too old? I started my periods early at about 12 years old... So maybes my good eggs have been depleted and now I've got rubbish empty ones :shrug:
> 
> I don't know... I was talking to the consultant after my scan on the 11th just gone, it took him 20 minutes to remember he hadn't said his condolences, not that I wanted any, as I knew things weren't good before my scan. But he just kept smirking, took phone calls during my consultation. Asked me if I had children and I said, well yeh I've got 2 boys, so his response was, oh so your trying to have a girl then?... I just looked at him and my response was, "no, I don't really care, but considering I can't get past the first trimester, I will have whatever gender!" he quickly changed his smirk. Said I'm still in the range of normal, because there won't class my chemical pregnancy miscarriage I had in August, as a actual miscarriage, because I wouldn't of know I was pregnant if I hadn't of tested before my period was due. So if I miscarry again, then I'm elegible for testing! LOVELY... I hope there isn't a next time
> 
> I made the mistake of telling people when I was pregnant in feb, and so the people who didn't know that I miscarried would come upto me and say "ee lucky you for not showing!" needless to say I didn't feel so lucky after that. This pregnancy I told no-one not untill the other day.

Babee Bugs - I have been following your story and Im so sorry for what you are going through. Just wanted to send you hugs x


----------



## aimze

Today i ordered my bridesmaids dresses :+) yay!


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well today/night, been sat in the hospital with my 4 year old. He had a temp of 39 Celsius, which just wouldn't go down not with paracetamol, ibuprofen and Luke warm baths.

Then started being sick and complaining of a bad head. So whisked him straight to hospital and he's got the onset of tonsillitis. :(


----------



## cupcake

My son had it 3 weeks ago then was allergic to the anti biotic! But a new course cleared it up, its miserable hurts so bad to swallow


----------



## PinkCupcake

Babee_Bugs said:


> Well today/night, been sat in the hospital with my 4 year old. He had a temp of 39 Celsius, which just wouldn't go down not with paracetamol, ibuprofen and Luke warm baths.
> 
> Then started being sick and complaining of a bad head. So whisked him straight to hospital and he's got the onset of tonsillitis. :(

oh no bless him! I feel his pain :( I used to get tonsillitus atleast once a month up until the age of 15! it's horrid xx


----------



## FeLynn

kristina1291 said:


> today i read a poem about miscarriage and it really helped me be able to grieve. i shared it to my cousin who lost a baby at birth n it really made her smile. so ima share this mom here:
> What Makes a Mother? - Author Unknown
> 
> I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.
> I asked, What makes a Mother? and I know I heard Him say,
> A mother has a baby, this we know is true,
> But God, can you be a mother when your babys not with you?
> Yes you can, He replied, with confidence in His voice
> I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.
> Some I send for a lifetime, others for a day
> And some I send to feel your womb, but theres no need to stay.
> I just dont understand this Lord, I want my baby here!
> He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear,
> I wish the I could show you what your child is doing today,
> If you could see your child smile with the other children and say.
> We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear,
> My mummy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.
> I feel so lucky to have a mum who had so much love for me,
> I learned my lessons very quickly, my mummy set me free.
> I miss my mummy oh so much, but I visit her each day.
> When she goes to sleep, on her pillows where I lay,
> I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
> Mummy dont be sad today, Im your baby and Im here.
> So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are ok,
> Your babies are here in my home, and this is where theyll stay.
> Theyll wait for you with me, until your lessons through,
> And on the day I call you home theyll be at the gates for you.
> So now you know what makes a mother.
> Its the feeling in your heart,
> Its the love you had so much of, right from the very start.
> Though some on earth may not realise until their time is done,
> Remember all the love you have,
> And you ARE a special mum!

this made me cry a little. I miss my princess and my 2 other :angel::angel: I was too early with them to know any details. I am also a mother to 3 boys. I wish this was easier on all of us. I would give anything to have my baby growing in me again and then to be able to give birth and hold her and kiss her and look at the little baby girl I have been waiting for since I was a little girl!:cry::cry:


----------



## FeLynn

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today, I don't know why, but I just feel like I can't keep doing this anymore as with regards to trying for a baby... For years I've had nothing but disappointment!.. Other woman just fall pregnant when they don't even want they baby! Arghhhhh I feel sooo angry and annoyed... I feel a failure and just a utter sense of what's the point?
> 
> My sons are coming upto 8 and 5 years of age.. Do I really want to be starting all over again?... Sleepless nights, teething, safe guarding everything in the house, buying a bigger car, maybes dealing with post natal depression again, having another c-section, being a high risk pregnancy.... Then worrying to hell every week wondering if I have another blighted ovum, or if something is wrong.
> 
> My head is wanting to call it quits, but my heart is saying different :(




Babee_Bugs said:


> Pink cupcake - your right it awful!. I've got 2 sons to the same partner, who I'm still with now... And I had them with absolutely no problems at all. I was overdue with them etc.
> 
> But I was only 18 and 21 when I had them, I'm now just turned 26.. So I'm starting to think that maybes I'm just too old? I started my periods early at about 12 years old... So maybes my good eggs have been depleted and now I've got rubbish empty ones :shrug:
> 
> I don't know... I was talking to the consultant after my scan on the 11th just gone, it took him 20 minutes to remember he hadn't said his condolences, not that I wanted any, as I knew things weren't good before my scan. But he just kept smirking, took phone calls during my consultation. Asked me if I had children and I said, well yeh I've got 2 boys, so his response was, oh so your trying to have a girl then?... I just looked at him and my response was, "no, I don't really care, but considering I can't get past the first trimester, I will have whatever gender!" he quickly changed his smirk. Said I'm still in the range of normal, because there won't class my chemical pregnancy miscarriage I had in August, as a actual miscarriage, because I wouldn't of know I was pregnant if I hadn't of tested before my period was due. So if I miscarry again, then I'm elegible for testing! LOVELY... I hope there isn't a next time
> 
> I made the mistake of telling people when I was pregnant in feb, and so the people who didn't know that I miscarried would come upto me and say "ee lucky you for not showing!" needless to say I didn't feel so lucky after that. This pregnancy I told no-one not untill the other day.



wow babee bugs I can relate to you so much!!! I too just turned 26, I have had 3 losses and have children prior to the losses with all the same partner. I started my period at about 13 or 14 at the latest cant not remember. My losses were in sept 2011, jan 2012 and june 2012. :cry::cry::cry:


----------



## FeLynn

4angels said:


> wamommy said:
> 
> 
> Thank you for your concern ladies :hugs: We're all doing well, except my DH who is still stiff.
> 
> 4angels, I am so incredibly sorry you're going through this! Is anyone working with you to figure out what the heck is going on? A million hugs.
> 
> Lovewithin, grats on the shave :D Don't pants feel funny on legs that are shaved after a "mammoth period"?
> 
> We are now being referred for tests as they would not refer us prior to this as I had 1 ectopic pregnancy and 2 miscarriages. I was told I had to have 3 miscarriages before I "qualified" for tests. I'm just hoping we might now get some answers. Just feel so deflated tonight. :cry: xxClick to expand...


my dr still wont do test on me and I have had 3 losses! this is just crazy! I hope you get answers I would like some answers as well.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

FeLynn said:


> wow babee bugs I can relate to you so much!!! I too just turned 26, I have had 3 losses and have children prior to the losses with all the same partner. I started my period at about 13 or 14 at the latest cant not remember. My losses were in sept 2011, jan 2012 and june 2012. :cry::cry::cry:

Awww it's soo sad that we are in very similar circumstances... I really hope it changes for us both.

I had testing done on my last miscarriage only because I was possible query for molar pregnancy. Everything came back "normal".

I had some blood tests last year, FSH, pro Lactin, progrestrone, oestrogen... Probs a few other things but cant remember, had a smear and that was clear.... I had a scan and my eggs and tubes looked good!


----------



## FeLynn

Babee_Bugs said:


> Awww it's soo sad that we are in very similar circumstances... I really hope it changes for us both.
> 
> I had testing done on my last miscarriage only because I was possible query for molar pregnancy. Everything came back "normal".
> 
> I had some blood tests last year, FSH, pro Lactin, progrestrone, oestrogen... Probs a few other things but cant remember, had a smear and that was clear.... I had a scan and my eggs and tubes looked good!

I have a son who will be turning 8 in Aug and a son who is 6 and a son who is 4. I too wondered if I wanted to do this baby stage all over again. I mean I will always want more kids that will never change, that doesnt mean I will. I want to get my life together I have been a mother from an early age and became a sahm after I had my youngest son. I do weekend work but I want to go to school maybe get a decent job help bring in income. Do I really want to back track and have young babies???? I look at my nephew he is almost 2 months old and i cant help but think of my angel I just lost. I am working on a name for her. But I see my kids with my sisters baby and its so heart warming and breaking at the same time b/c they wanted a little brother or sister and when I told them I had a feeling it was a girl they were excited and then we lost her, they dont understand so I have to try and explain to them. But seeing them hold my nephew and feed him and try to make him smile and how they are oh so gentle for the rough tough boys that they normally are I just want tha so bad. I am terrified to get pregnant again and lose that baby as well. Since I seem to get further with each pregnancy but they still die:cry::cry::cry:


----------



## BeautifulD

FeLynn, I could have written that myself :cry:


----------



## aimze

Today i had a crap day. Fed up of people moaning bout my weddin plans n hen do when its my special day an i need to plan it to distract myself from thinking about my baby...today i also keep thinking how 3 weeks ago i was so happy with my baby in my tummy n now im empty :-(


----------



## cupcake

aimze said:


> Today i had a crap day. Fed up of people moaning bout my weddin plans n hen do when its my special day an i need to plan it to distract myself from thinking about my baby...today i also keep thinking how 3 weeks ago i was so happy with my baby in my tummy n now im empty :-(

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## MrsC1003

Today I wrote a letter to our little girl to go with her in the coffin. Today I stopped bleeding after my D&C and this brought about a fresh wave of grief. All the time I was bleeding I resented it, feeling like it was a reminder of what I'd lost and now I feel like my body is healing faster than my heart. And today I snapped at a 'friend' who told me 'everything happens for a reason' just because we got the news that we are moving 200 miles...that is not why I miscarried. I miscarried because I have a uterus of death. Sorry just need to let some of this out.


----------



## aimze

Oh hun im not surprised u snapped! U didn't loose ur baby "for a reason" its a stupid.thing to say just like "every cloud has a silver lining" no they do not!

Xx


----------



## MrsC1003

Urgh it really irritates me some of the stupid things people say. I spend my life biting my tongue when I just want to scream at people about the idiotic cliche stuff they come up with that will supposedly help. Instead I just nod feeling like someone is stamping on the pieces of my heart :-(. Having lost 5 babies you'd think I'd be used to it by now. Can tell you now it doesn't get any easier, I haven't become numb. I just grieve all the time now.

On a plus I have two amazing friends who simply said that they knew nothing they said would make me feel better but for me to know they are there for me. Suppose its when things like this happen you find out who your true friends are.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

I resent the people, who try and tell you how to deal with a loss... I resent them even more, when there have never ever gone through a loss!

My MIL really upset me the other day, I told her about the scan and that I was miscarrying. She said oh I'm so sorry, then proceeded to tell me, "well its not that bad for you, because well you have 2 sons already, but if nikki lost her baby it would be far worse because she doesn't have any" (nikki is her grandchild and is 18 got pregnant by mistake after being with her partner for 2 months)...

How the &[email protected] does that make it any better?... Whether or not I had 10 million children or 2, the loss of a child is huge!... 

Oh then I got, "just stop trying so hard!" so at this point I kindly pointed out, that for us to fall pregnant, then we need to "try" and have sex when I'm most fertile or it's never going to happen.. Then I just barricaded her with ovulation, temping, soya, ovulation tests etc... Which she then shut up


----------



## aimze

Bugs i totally relate!

My oh called his mum to say we lost the baby, her response "oh im sorry - what do u want me to do about this microwave i got for u?" 

I don't give a shit about ur stupid microwave!


----------



## FeLynn

aimze said:


> Bugs i totally relate!
> 
> My oh called his mum to say we lost the baby, her response "oh im sorry - what do u want me to do about this microwave i got for u?"
> 
> I don't give a shit about ur stupid microwave!

something made me so mad. After we had found out our baby girl was not to going to make it to term :cry::cry::cry: I told my family one at a time. I told my friend after she pissed me off she would always tell me I am worrying for nothing and would keep reminding me how far I was and I shouldnt worry like I wasnt keeping track myself. So once again she was going off about her pregnancy she was 10 weeks ahead of me. after 15 min of going on about her baby she ask how was my appt. I said well there will be no baby, she was confused I told her I will no longer be pregnant so she can stfu and stop comparring our pregnancies and lifes all the damn time.

8 days after my d&e my hubbys mom calls. I answer the phone she asks for her son I told her he is sleeping, He doesnt wake up until night time b/c he works nights. She then says I heard it happened again I am so sorry. WTF how dare she say it like that, what pissed me off even more is that my hubby trusted his dad and brother and they ran their mouth like they always do. I will not be talking to her again. She never calls us or even bothers to check up on her grandkids so she has no rights to know a damn thing about any of my babys.

I have dealt with stupid comments from everyone. I just snap so I keep to myself they arent in my shoes so they do not even know how this is affecting me!

people make me so mad.:growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:


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## Babee_Bugs

I also got the "It can't of meant to be" crap the other day also...

I haven't told my OH what the MIL said because I know he would blow his top and I can't be bothered for all of that


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## BeautifulD

Oh I've had every cliche in the book, I was telling my nan about it yesterday and her reply really touched my heart. I was telling her about people telling me to remember I already have two beautiful girls (like I don't already know!) And her reply was... Em, you know and I know you have two beautiful girls but the babies you lost where your babies whether they graced this earth or not they where still your baby and no one can take that away or replace them, what you feel is grief and you have every right! 

How true? Totes true and I really appreciate that :cloud9:


----------



## FeLynn

BeautifulD said:


> Oh I've had every cliche in the book, I was telling my nan about it yesterday and her reply really touched my heart. I was telling her about people telling me to remember I already have two beautiful girls (like I don't already know!) And her reply was... Em, you know and I know you have two beautiful girls but the babies you lost where your babies whether they graced this earth or not they where still your baby and no one can take that away or replace them, what you feel is grief and you have every right!
> 
> How true? Totes true and I really appreciate that :cloud9:

I have heard a few comments b/c I have kids it cant hurt as bad or it shouldn't affect me the way it does! really really:growlmad::nope: come on I have to go through the loss and then I have to explain to my kids each time I miscarry and then deal with their questions. they try to be understanding but truth be told they only understand so much and I cant lie to them and say it was a joke mommy wasn't pregnant. 

Each time my kids found out mommy was pregnant they would try harder to behave and listen. They would cover me at night and rub my belly even though I was too early, they knew there was a little baby living in there. They would talk about being big brothers. My son had a class year book and each kid had a picture in the book and they got a whole page to write what ever they wanted. My son said he couldnt wait for the new baby to be born:cry:

They know what death is and they know our babies are in baby heaven with the rest of the angels that didn't get the chance to stay here with their family. It just makes me cry when I see them with my nephew who is 2 months old. That should be them and their baby sister come December but it wont be them and their sister. I have waited so long to have a little girl. I have always wanted a girl and I looked forward to telling my kids be nice to your sister lol but as of now that is not going to happen.:cry::cry::cry:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

I just don't get why people feel like there can judge and say whatever there wish to you. When there have never ever gone through this :growlmad:

Bloody hypocrites grrrrrr


----------



## PinkCupcake

Today I went shopping and treated myself to a few bits around my favourite shop.. primark! can't beat good old primarny. xx


----------



## aimze

today i was doing fine till i log onto fb an someone announcin a pregnancy...due a few days b4 mine..


----------



## cupcake

those are the most difficult days finding out yet another person is pregnant..


----------



## aimze

i feel guilty for feelin jealous :-(


----------



## PinkCupcake

Today I was also fine until I came across about 40 congratulations on a girls wall, and guess what? she's writing status upon status about how her life is screwed and the reason being is, she doesn't know who the dad is. No, I wouldn't want anything to go wrong for her because that's an evil thing to say but it infuriates me to think of how so many of us wasn't so negligent and i bet she ends up with a healthy, fatherless baby. There's nothing wrong with single mothers where the fathers have left but come on! Atleast have some self respect and know who the father is. We all make mistakes but jeez! :shrug:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

The other day I had to remove 20 odd people off my Facebook, as the amount of status updates and scan pics of there pregnancy, was suffocating the hell out of me.

I'm happy for people... But It was seriously making me peed off, so I just had to remove them :/


----------



## FoxMommy

Hi. Unfortunately i have to join. My heart is breaking I'm miscarrying right now. I alternate btw despartely wanting another as soon as possible and never wanting to try ever again. I have a gorgeous 1 yr old who I'm glad is too young to underestand.


----------



## FoxMommy

Oh yeah I showered today.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Hey Hunnie so sorry your having to join here...:hugs:

I'm also in the midst of having another MC, I've also had the, "I want to get pregnant asap" to then "I don't want to get pregnant to have to go through all of this again"

It's a form of mental torture. I've resided myself to just taking it day by day x


----------



## Bubsta

I'm so sorry that there has to be a forum where we are all suffering.... But I am glad that there is a forum like this that we know we are not alone and have others that know what we are going through. Today I.... Went for my first scan (7wks 6days). My first miscarriage back in 06 ended in MMC, but I had a lot of symptoms. I had a lot of painful cramping and I think I knew something wasn't right. I had to have a D&C. In 08 I had an EMCS and by beautiful daughter came into the world. When I found out I was pregnant this time, initially I was a little nervous and then I don't know who, I think because I had my daughter, that I was naively thinking everything would be fine. This pregnancy seemed almost exactly the same as my DD (apart from more MS) so I had no reason to believe anything was wrong, I went into the scan with my only real concerns being whether LO would measure ok... I was so wrong. Blighted ovum. It was horrible to see an empty sac when I just wasn't expecting it. I'm devastated. I'm so grateful that we didn't tell our DD about the pregnancy, I would hate to have to explain to her. I'm sorry to write all of that. I hope I haven't upset anyone. I just needed to get it off my chest. I hope thats ok.I'm 36 years old and I'm not getting any younger. Now I've taken Misoprostol (vaginally) x2 today and am cramping but nothing happening yet. I really want this over with. I really don't want to go and have a D&C again. Xx


----------



## Bubsta

BeautifulD said:


> Oh I've had every cliche in the book, I was telling my nan about it yesterday and her reply really touched my heart. I was telling her about people telling me to remember I already have two beautiful girls (like I don't already know!) And her reply was... Em, you know and I know you have two beautiful girls but the babies you lost where your babies whether they graced this earth or not they where still your baby and no one can take that away or replace them, what you feel is grief and you have every right!
> 
> How true? Totes true and I really appreciate that :cloud9:

How beautiful is your Nan. I wish so many others could be so kind and understanding.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Hey bubsta, I had a blighted ovum in April, I was 12 weeks and 4 days... I had all the good pregnancy symptoms, no cramps, no spotting... Everything was perfect! I was then query for molar pregnancy, so needed a d&c ASAP.

I was very naive, I've got 2 sons myself, with no problems at all and so I was convinced everything would be fine!... But sadly it wasn't meant to be :(

I've also had another blighted ovum, that I'm currently miscarrying myself :(

I really hope things start for you very soon :hugs:


----------



## Bubsta

Babee_Bugs said:


> Hey bubsta, I had a blighted ovum in April, I was 12 weeks and 4 days... I had all the good pregnancy symptoms, no cramps, no spotting... Everything was perfect! I was then query for molar pregnancy, so needed a d&c ASAP.
> 
> I was very naive, I've got 2 sons myself, with no problems at all and so I was convinced everything would be fine!... But sadly it wasn't meant to be :(
> 
> I've also had another blighted ovum, that I'm currently miscarrying myself :(
> 
> I really hope things start for you very soon :hugs:

Oh Babee_Bugs, it's so unfair isn't it. Well it's started with vengeance now. I hate wearing a pad as I'm constantly reminded of my loss (and my OBGYN didn't tell me what to do with my meds once I start bleeding - if I continue, won't they just come out again?) I'm so sorry that you are going through this again too. And yes, I'm also gong through the mental mind games of let's just get this over with so we can try again, and the other way saying, I couldn't cope with the waiting for that first scan all over again for this to happen. I hope our bodies and our minds can be rid of this anguish soon. Xx


----------



## FoxMommy

Today I'm in so much physical pain I can barely get out of bed. I get up to brestfeed then go backto bed. Feeling thankful for oh and my mom today.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Well spent 9 hours in hospital today, bleeding became too heavy! Passed lots of clots etc..

Had a scan etc and finally passed everything on my own. :cry: still feel like crap though


----------



## MrsC1003

Yesterday we had the funeral and cremation for our little girl. Words cannot explain how I felt :-(


----------



## FeLynn

today I made my kids clean their room and now I am going to clean the rest...going to be a long night! trying to keep busy.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today... I took my boys out for a bike ride. Was just refreshing to get out into the open playing field :)


----------



## FoxMommy

Today I let my baby stay up way too late, and snuggled her and my oh and my many nephews at Vancouver, british Columbus spectacular celebration of lights fireworks display and I felt briefly happy again. Cuddles from the six ppl I love the most are magical.


----------



## cupcake

FoxMommy said:


> Today I let my baby stay up way too late, and snuggled her and my oh and my many nephews at Vancouver, british Columbus spectacular celebration of lights fireworks display and I felt briefly happy again. Cuddles from the six ppl I love the most are magical.

if there was a love button I would click it!
:thumbup:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Today I took my boys on the father in laws fishing boat, where my eldest caught the most fish, so he got a little reward :thumbup:


----------



## cupcake

what fun! my kids would love to go fishing


----------



## Bubsta

Today I worked from home. Started early so I could finish early. Working from home tomorrow as well. Could get used to working from home. If only I could do it every day. Back to normality on Thursday.


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Took my boys go karting today, well the oldest he has his own kart...

He was doing fab today, so a very proud mammy x


----------



## threebirds

Today I had electro acupuncture to help with the ivf cycle that I am currently on. Next weekend it will be a yr since our loss xx


----------



## FoxMommy

Received open mouthed slobber kisses from my one year old after making a kissy face at her and asking where mommys kiss was. This just started yesterday and I love it!


----------



## Jcliff

Took another day off work, finally showered, and did some laundry, it's actually a huge step from yesterday.


----------



## Bubsta

Today was my first day back in the office. It was hard. My thoughts were all over the place. Hard to Concentrate. A couple of times I thought I was going to cry, but I didn't. If I wasn't in this current job with deadlines to meet, I wouldn't have gone back yet. Don't normally have much anxiety,.. I've had it today. Gave up smoking the day after I got a BFP. (so... Maybe nearly 6wks ago)... So many times I felt the anxiety today was because I needed a cigarette. I'm not going back to them, but that was the sort of anxiety I had. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. TGIF tomorrow.


----------



## mummytoK

Bubsta said:


> Today was my first day back in the office. It was hard. My thoughts were all over the place. Hard to Concentrate. A couple of times I thought I was going to cry, but I didn't. If I wasn't in this current job with deadlines to meet, I wouldn't have gone back yet. Don't normally have much anxiety,.. I've had it today. Gave up smoking the day after I got a BFP. (so... Maybe nearly 6wks ago)... So many times I felt the anxiety today was because I needed a cigarette. I'm not going back to them, but that was the sort of anxiety I had. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. TGIF tomorrow.

Well done on stopping smoking xx


----------



## Bubsta

mummytoK said:


> Bubsta said:
> 
> 
> Today was my first day back in the office. It was hard. My thoughts were all over the place. Hard to Concentrate. A couple of times I thought I was going to cry, but I didn't. If I wasn't in this current job with deadlines to meet, I wouldn't have gone back yet. Don't normally have much anxiety,.. I've had it today. Gave up smoking the day after I got a BFP. (so... Maybe nearly 6wks ago)... So many times I felt the anxiety today was because I needed a cigarette. I'm not going back to them, but that was the sort of anxiety I had. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. TGIF tomorrow.
> 
> Well done on stopping smoking xxClick to expand...

Thanks! So many times in the last week I've wanted to go back, but I won't. I know it's the idea of having one to help stress more than anything else. I know it would taste bloody disgusting! Xx


----------



## Bubsta

Jcliff said:


> Took another day off work, finally showered, and did some laundry, it's actually a huge step from yesterday.

You go girl! One step at a time. Xx


----------



## PinkCupcake

Today, AF finally showed her face exactly 8 weeks and 2 days after my ERPC. Happy to see it but also not happy that i'm doubled over in pain :(


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Awww pink :hugs:


----------



## Bubsta

PinkCupcake said:


> Today, AF finally showed her face exactly 8 weeks and 2 days after my ERPC. Happy to see it but also not happy that i'm doubled over in pain :(

Almost like a Slap in the face that your grateful for. Pretty unfair isn't it. I just want my slap in the face too. Kinda, lol. Hugs to you. Xxx :hugs:


----------



## Babee_Bugs

Bubsta your right Hunnie, it is like a slap in the face, and I'm hoping mine comes soon.. :hugs:


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## Annie77

It is a exactly a year ago this weekend that I conceived my pregnancy which turned out ectopic. I then went on to have a miscarriage and have been TTC ever since.
Today I have went to get my eyebrows threaded, bought some hair dye and treated my loely daughters to lunch.


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## cupcake

today I was sitting with friends and saying I don't wear dresses cos they make me look preg, and one girl said oh you should get preg again so you can wear them, and I didn't cry or even feel bad, I just picked up and moved on, yay!


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## tink1506

today i got off the sofa pulled myself together did the dishes cleaned the cooker mopped the floor and hoovered the living room took my mind off it for a while


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## Jcliff

Spent the day with my husband. He is seriously, my angel. I do not know where I would be without him.


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## Babee_Bugs

Today it's the 1st year anniversary of my first little angel... It's been a horrible day :(


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## AMP26

I'm having my best friend over for movie night. First time I've seen anyone but family since my emergency surgery to remove my ectopic pregnancy and left tube. I'm hoping it will be a good distraction! I even got up and brushed my hair!


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## threebirds

Finished my IVF meds and took the trigger shot.
This day 1 yr ago we found out we had lost our baby and I underwent EPRC op.
Trying to keep up the pma for our IVF/ICSI cycle but now quietly reflecting on our loss too x


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## cupcake

threebirds said:


> Finished my IVF meds and took the trigger shot.
> This day 1 yr ago we found out we had lost our baby and I underwent EPRC op.
> Trying to keep up the pma for our IVF/ICSI cycle but now quietly reflecting on our loss too x

Best of luck to you!


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## Bubsta

cupcake said:


> today I was sitting with friends and saying I don't wear dresses cos they make me look preg, and one girl said oh you should get preg again so you can wear them, and I didn't cry or even feel bad, I just picked up and moved on, yay!

Insensitive remark from your friend. Well done for keeping it together and not getting upset! :hugs:


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## Bubsta

Babee_Bugs said:


> Today it's the 1st year anniversary of my first little angel... It's been a horrible day :(

Hugs to you. :hugs: I hope you have a better day tomorrow. :hugs:


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## cupcake

Bubsta said:


> cupcake said:
> 
> 
> today I was sitting with friends and saying I don't wear dresses cos they make me look preg, and one girl said oh you should get preg again so you can wear them, and I didn't cry or even feel bad, I just picked up and moved on, yay!
> 
> Insensitive remark from your friend. Well done for keeping it together and not getting upset! :hugs:Click to expand...

thanks hun, she didnt know though it wasnt her fault


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## BeautifulD

Today I got my first af and I'm feeling ok and hopeful :)


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## cupcake

I though I would resurrect the thread and see how everyone is doing now?


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## wamommy

It's been months since I've posted, but I've been following along with everyone's journey through this amazingly difficult experience. Each time I'd see a new name I would say a quiet prayer for the grieving mommy, and the baby they had lost. 

I have also counted my blessings a hundred times over. After 2 losses in a row (march and may) I am now 16 weeks pregnant. Miscarriage is impossibly hard and completely unfair. I am so thankful for another chance, and for you wonderful ladies who made me feel less alone during a very difficult time.


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## Topanga053

@wamommy- this is beautiful, thank you so much for sharing. And best of luck to you and the baby!!!!


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## aimze

Today i feel worse than i did a few weeks ago....im also dreading tomorrow....my miscarriage turns out to be a partial molar :-( tomorrow i go to see the extent of it with a scan an a blood test to check my hcg as they haven't dropped...

Not good today x


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## cupcake

aimze said:


> Today i feel worse than i did a few weeks ago....im also dreading tomorrow....my miscarriage turns out to be a partial molar :-( tomorrow i go to see the extent of it with a scan an a blood test to check my hcg as they haven't dropped...
> 
> Not good today x

good luck honey :hugs:


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## robinson380

I am in 2ww period keeping my fingers crossed. Testing on 9/2/12. Good luck ladies!


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## AMP26

Got cleared from my surgeon a long 4 weeks after having my left tube removed after it ruptured from an ectopic! My hcg is down to 1.6 and my incisions are almost fully healed : ) Now I just have to wait for my period and it's back to trying! I'm pretty happy that my nightmare is almost over!


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## FeLynn

things have been hard, I just can not come to terms with my losses. I am in the process of naming my princess and I have an appt set up with my other obgyn dr since my current one is a neglectful jerk.


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## aimze

Today i just want my baby poppy back......i seem to be getting worse an can't cope...life is just too cruel....9 weeks since i lost her an im back to sq 1 x


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## Topanga053

Today (ok, yesterday!) I felt some cramping, like I was ovulating. It's been one week since my D&C and the bleeding has almost totally stopped. It was soooo nice to feel some pain related to good things, not bad! Really hopeful that this means my body is starting to get back to normal and looking forward to being able to start trying again soon.


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## Daisy_bear

I had just found out about my mmc when this thread was started. I am much better now however still check out these forums n think about what it was like when I was pregnant. Suppose I'm havin a bad night. Tired from work and emotional ;( x


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## aimze

I just wanted to bring this post back to help those who have had a recent mc.

Today I feel so much better than I did 6 months ago. It is only days from my due date with my loss and im feeling positive.

Today I could also be pregnant again as I decided to ttc again and started fertility treatment 2 weeks ago so currently in the tww. This could be my little ray of sunshine on my babies due date.

Anyway, i know it seems like it will never stop hurting and in a way it will always hurt, but 6 months on I am stronger and ready to face the world.

X


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## xobabyhopes

today i realized that in less than a month it will be a year since our angel's been gone. i had gotten better but the closer i got to our due date i september i slipped into a slight depression and started drinking all the time and not caring about my life. then my husband told me nothing was going to bring our angel back and "he" shouldn't see his mommy like this. then he first week of november we found out we were pregnant with our rainbow (hope this doesnt upset anyone) our punkin has honestly saved me from ruining my life. the past four months have been nothing but bliss but anxiety.

long story short, im still healing but my heart is a hell of alot better than it used to be.


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## loeylo

Today I ...

Should have a 17 month old and be 8 weeks and three days before my due date. Today I thought about both babies whilst watching a mummy with a baby at the swimming, and my heart hurt a little bit. Today I am hopeful that the little whoopsie I had 5days ago might have made them a little brother or sister. Today I admitted to my boyfriend that I am still not okay. Today I saw a baby sale in asda and got upset. 
Tomorrow I will feel much better!


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## aimze

loeylo so sorry for your losses...

Did anything come out of your Woopsi?

baby hopes - Congrats!! Im hoping for a bfp after fertility on Saturday which was my angels due date x


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## xxMrsMcKxx

Today i have been able to hold back the tears at work (so far anyway). Only one person in the office knows of my loss and is incredible supportive, but this week i would have been 12 weeks pregnant and should have been seeing my little one and sharing our fab news with the world.

Today i *WILL* be eating lots of ice-cream and chocolate when i get home


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## skyesmom

the anniversary of my loss is approaching so i am back reading these and other forums i've been following when pregnant, and after my loss and never had courage to post... 

now almost a year later i am better then i was this past spring, although not healed yet. i've been through a deep depression after i've lost my angel, also because people around me didn't know how to deal with it and just went quiet about the whole thing for a long while until i exploded with everybody...
i had hard times around our due date in late october/early november, my bf too, those were emotional days but they've united us despite the struggles we were facing and reminded us how much we loved each other and our baby too...

...unfortunately, our relationship didn't hold for long after that... so now with the approach of the miscarriage anniversary, i am sort of re-living the loss, the loss of the baby, the loss of the relationship, the loss of the chance to have another child with that man i love... the loss of the future not to be... 

...it is better then right after the loss, but it is still damn hard. probably if i still had my bf at least i would have felt better. but not today.


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## ladyluck84

Today was the first day I walked back into work. Everybody knows and I couldn't look anyone in the eye but I lasted 4 hours. Feeling normal seems impossible at the moment but at least I am a step closer. I'm not sure how I will cope as my due date gets closer and friends who were pregnant at the same time have their babies


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## skyesmom

today i woke up, looked at my future without my boyfriend and our baby, and just fell apart in tears. feels like i've died all over again, looking at that emptiness before me.
i don't know how will i ever get out of this.


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## xxMrsMcKxx

Today i did not let work get to me. 

Since my m/c, i've hated my job. Nothing's changed with it, i just seem to have no patience with it but today i have only looked at the jobs board once (as apposed to spending half my day on them


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## TTCabundle

Today I had a lie in till dinner time! And now I'm getting ready to go to ASDA, dreading it :( but I suppose it will do me good to get out


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## WantaBelly

Today (2 days past D&C) I managed to shower without crying and have spent the day laying around w/my 2, 1 and 5 month old. I'm looking forward to cooking a nice dinner for my family for Valentines Day!!


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## LuckyW

I started the misoprostol 3 nights ago, and have been expecting to be incapacitated with pain and bleeding, so I've been lounging about. Lots of sleeping, eating junk food, bad tv.

I haven't really started bleeding yet, but I'm already sick of mucking about and ready to start moving on. I do have to take it easy, though, because yesterday I showered then fainted in the bathtub.

Anyway, my project today is cooking a vat of beans. Pinto beans.


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## Lovechristmas

1 week post miscarriage.

Today I did a mini shop at tesco, went to the garden centre - was so exhausted I had to come home.

Don't want to go to sleep as it was one week ago I woke up at midnight with my miscarriage.


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## TTCabundle

Today I went to ASDA and then planted some flowers in memory of the baby :)


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## skyesmom

that's a lovely thing to do TTCatbundle! <3


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## LuckyW

Can't take sitting around in pajamas all day anymore. Today I am organizing drawers in my home office.


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## aimze

Sykes it sounds like you've had a horrible time - sending lotd of peaceful thoughts your way...

MrsK I have also started to hate my job since my loss...I think it'sbecause I was SO looking forward to having 12months off and then only doing part time to be with my baby...

Today I had our second fertility treatment after our loss which was our first attempt and one successful treatment..

I'm not holding out a lot of hope as the spermies weren't exactly in their millions and I only had one egg instead of the3 I had on the cycle I concieved. 

Today I was also referred for IVF, I'm looking forward to IVF and then ending the TTC journey in 2014 if nothing works -I want to live for the moment and for my OH not for the child I haven't been able to have...I'm putting our lifes on hold whilst we TTC...

Lots of hugs to you all x


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## baby1wanted

Have been waiting to be able to post this on this thread...
Today I made custard.
The day we found out I was pregnant I made custard for DH - he loves proper homemade custard. And I spent the whole time stirring away letting myself go into a long daydream planning pretty much the rest of our lives, everything from pregnancy and labour to savings funds and university plans! Needless to say the custard boiled and curdled and we ended up eating very sweet scrambled eggs. But neither of us minded, we were so happy.
Up to now I haven't been able to bear the though of what daydream my mind would drift into making it again now we've lost the baby. But today I managed it, yay me


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## baby1wanted

Hugs to everyone else going through all this sadness :hugs:


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## LuckyW

Positive daydreaming, huge! Go, you!

And hugs to you too.


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## sedgeez

today i washed my hair!

and i know that doesnt seem like much but ive been feeling so crappy for this past week and half that i havent washed my hair, ive just had it in a messy bun. ive barely even got out of bed this past week. only when ive had to go to the hospital. even then i didnt wash my hair.

so this was an acheivement.

although i didnt get dressed :dohh: maybe tomorrow??


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## skyesmom

oh sedgeez i didn't wash my hair for almost 3 weeks in the time after the mc.. didn't even see those 3 weeks go by. and ever since then, my haircare has really gone to the minimum acceptable (been a year now)... but getting better with it!

and hurray to baby1wanted and custard and positive daydreaming and beautiful healing moments that are slowly starting to come :hugs:


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## sedgeez

skyesmom said:


> oh sedgeez i didn't wash my hair for almost 3 weeks in the time after the mc.. didn't even see those 3 weeks go by. and ever since then, my haircare has really gone to the minimum acceptable (been a year now)... but getting better with it!

it seems even the simplest of tasks arent manageable at the moment, so i was very proud i managed to do my hair.

its actually my OH's birthday today (what a crap day with all the crap thats happened this past week) , but when he went out to see his family, i also did a slight tidy up.

:thumbup:


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## LuckyW

Congrats on the hair washing, sedgeez! 

And I mean that without an ounce of sarcasm, I swear.



sedgeez said:


> although i didnt get dressed :dohh: maybe tomorrow??

Also, I thought your use of this smiley here was super cute and funny. The first part before he smacks his head, when he just looks sort of sheepish.


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## LuckyW

Today all I wanted to do was sit in bed and bleed. But my body isn't cooperating, even after 3 doses of misoprostol. 

So I forced my ass up to go take a walk and run a few errands.

Thought this might make me feel better, but it hasn't.

Still, I am trying.


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## george83

My friend came round for lunch with her three and a half week old baby, I did my best at being happy but my heart actually broke when my 19 month old started gently stroking the baby's arm and talking to him. :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## skyesmom

george83, my heart would break to that too :( :( :( i had sth similar when i saw my bf adjusting a sock to our friends newborn, i just though i failed to make him a father and how wonderful dad he'd make and just died. it's hard times and u never know what may trigger you.
i admire your strength. let yourself cry whenever u feel like crying!


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## LuckyW

Aww, george, your post made my heart wrench.

skyesmom, feel your pain too. Something primal about seeing your mate with a baby, I know the feeling.


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## skyesmom

but it really is taking it one day at a time. our loss broke our relationship up, and only now, after some weeks apart we are starting to process and heal together. 

be it a hair washing, tidying up, getting dressed, taking a walkabout, eating a whole bar of chocolate, posting on a forum or just crying your heart out, those are all little big accomplishments that step by step make you start feeling alive, and not semi-alive, again.

after you come to know the joy of becoming a parent, and then experiencing the most profound loss, all the other things that used to make you happy count less and give you less joy then they have done before, because you discover a part of yourself you didn't know you had, and none of these can fill that hole up.

so be proud of yourself for every one of these little accomplishments, although they may seem completely empty and vane... because over time, you'll be able to look at them and admire your own strength, and this itself helps you heal. 
(it's been almost a year for me now, and it takes A LOT of time and shitty days for this kind of clarity)

:hugs: :hugs: hugs to all of you :hugs: :hugs:


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## george83

Cooked my husband a massive Sunday roast - he's been such a support to me and apart from crying when we got the bad news at the scan hasn't once shown how he's feeling to protect me. I was exhausted after though, I've no idea how I'm going to cope going back to work


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## skyesmom

today i just wanna say that i have the best in-laws on the face of the earth. can't even call them in-laws, i'd rather spell it in-loves :) one of those days where i just appreciate being a part of that family...


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## Nimyra

Today I...

... called out sick for the week
... rescheduled my clients
... talked to my husband
... posted to this forum
... showered

I also helped my husband change our bedsheets, made a bowl of cereal, read a CareNotes pamphlet on grieving and ordered one on miscarriage.


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## george83

Nimyra said:


> Today I...
> 
> ... called out sick for the week
> ... rescheduled my clients
> ... talked to my husband
> ... posted to this forum
> ... showered
> 
> I also helped my husband change our bedsheets, made a bowl of cereal, read a CareNotes pamphlet on grieving and ordered one on miscarriage.

That sounds like a lot for one day, well done you :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## wamommy

Today is the one year anniversary of my loss. 

My son is 3 weeks old today :D 

Today I say a prayer for everyone who is grieving, and send a message of hope in the darkness. I can't promise when it will get better, and I don't have any magic words to ease the pain. I am just so thankful this day... that each small step I took led me to where I am today. 

I hope with all of my heart that all of your pain is lessened... I am so very sorry for your loss. Keep faith :)


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## skyesmom

wow Nimyra, you're a real soldier! that's really a lot for a day, i agree with george83 :) bravo!


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## Nimyra

Thank you. What I didn't do today was work on my paper due for school next week. Its helpful to remember that showering is a big deal too.


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## skyesmom

wamommy said:


> Today is the one year anniversary of my loss.
> 
> My son is 3 weeks old today :D
> 
> Today I say a prayer for everyone who is grieving, and send a message of hope in the darkness. I can't promise when it will get better, and I don't have any magic words to ease the pain. I am just so thankful this day... that each small step I took led me to where I am today.
> 
> I hope with all of my heart that all of your pain is lessened... I am so very sorry for your loss. Keep faith :)

Thank you so much for this, Wamommy! wonderful, healing words... thanks for sharing... and yes, welcome Wababy nr. 3 :)


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## Neverending

Today I didn't have to take any pain meds :)
My partner and I went outiside and played with the dogs
We wrestled and had a day with just us, no work no nothing
We went out to lunch as well 
Even though I'm still bleeding I'm feeling loads better, we decided today there would be no talking of anything negative and it's been a great day!


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## george83

Neverending said:


> Today I didn't have to take any pain meds :)
> My partner and I went outiside and played with the dogs
> We wrestled and had a day with just us, no work no nothing
> We went out to lunch as well
> Even though I'm still bleeding I'm feeling loads better, we decided today there would be no talking of anything negative and it's been a great day!

This is what I'm planning for Saturday, in my head after my scan last Tuesday me and my husband were going to take our son to a soft play centre for the afternoon and then out for a meal but obviously everything changed and my son although he's been an angel this week has been neglected so I'm going to spoil him, your post made me think I can get out from under my quilt and do it, thank you :flower:


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## Neverending

Your welcome! I'm sorry you feel like you have left your son neglected the last week. I too feel that ways only with my four dogs and my family but I think the fact we can realize this is good :) it will make you feel good and we all deserve that! Have fun. Rest if you need too as well!


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## GaiaSN

Today, I smile because I spent the most wonderful night with my dear M. A night, where for a few magical hours and for the first time in a long time, we forgot everything that happened over the past months. And were just together. Happy, content, in love.


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## LuckyW

^What a lovely post. I smiled just reading it!


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## skyesmom

GaiaSN said:


> Today, I smile because I spent the most wonderful night with my dear M. A night, where for a few magical hours and for the first time in a long time, we forgot everything that happened over the past months. And were just together. Happy, content, in love.

oh love you made my day with this <3 i'm so happy for you <3 thanks for sharing this with us!


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## Nimyra

Today I reached out for help

- to my doctor
- to my pastor's wife (this was hard for me because I'm still angry about something the pastor said in church this past Sunday... but I know they want to help and I really could use some meals for a little while) ... I also asked her to speak to my church friend who said "don't worry, you'll have other pregnancies" and give her some guidance on what might be more helpful.
- to a nurse/perinatal grief counselor at the hospital
- to bereavement services at a local hospice.
- to my acupuncturist. 

I also spoke to my advisor at school about getting an extension on my assignments and she shared some helpful thoughts from her own miscarriage experiences.


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## sedgeez

Nimyra said:


> Today I reached out for help
> 
> - to my doctor
> - to my pastor's wife (this was hard for me because I'm still angry about something the pastor said in church this past Sunday... but I know they want to help and I really could use some meals for a little while) ... I also asked her to speak to my church friend who said "don't worry, you'll have other pregnancies" and give her some guidance on what might be more helpful.
> - to a nurse/perinatal grief counselor at the hospital
> - to bereavement services at a local hospice.
> - to my acupuncturist.
> 
> I also spoke to my advisor at school about getting an extension on my assignments and she shared some helpful thoughts from her own miscarriage experiences.

I'm really happy you reached out for help :hugs:
I'm going to be speaking to my gp about counselling.


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## Nimyra

My fear was that because I have a history of anxiety and depression I'd be treated like it was re-emerging depression, but people haven't been like that at all. Everyone I spoke to today normalized what I was going through and helped me feel like I am going to make it through this.


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## george83

Took my son to the park and had a few minutes just playing with him forgetting everything else, I also had to put some proper clothes on instead of my husbands track suit bottoms, although I did get straight back into them when I got home.

Oh and my new photo frame came for my scan photo, it's meant to be for a newborn baby's photo but has a silver teddy bear at the top and the words 'we love you' written at the bottom. It's going to go on my bed side table, so baby can sleep with mummy and daddy like they're meant too x x


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## sedgeez

today i went out for the day with my OH, my mum and my dad

the last time i went out i had to get rushed to hospital with pregnancy tissue stuck in my cervix so i have been putting off leaving the house.

but we went out for the whole day to southport and it was lovely (but cold :haha: )

and my OH had money from his birthday and he spent it on me :cloud9: i told him not to but he did. 
he bought me a beautiful hand made, fabric covered sewing box which ive been needing for a long time. he also bought me 2 beautiful rainbow candles which i will light when im feeling sad about my little angel. and he bought me some bath stuff that helps you sleep as ive not been sleeping since it all happened.

i feel spoilt :cloud9:


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## skyesmom

today, exactly a year ago, i fell asleep in the hospital after my d&c without my beloved son there anymore inside of me.


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## GPapo1013

Today I took like an HOUR long shower...deep conditioned my hair, shaved my legs, and danced around to the music on the radio-haha. It felt good afterwards to be cleaned up and smelling good. Especially after my horrible labor pains & contractions I had yesterday afternoon before I passed my baby (had M/C at 8 weeks). I'm about to head to work for a few hours. I'm just excited to get out of the house. I don't feel super attractive today, because I'm tired and worn out physically/emotionally, but the hot, long shower helped lift my spirits! Hugs to All!!! <3


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