# Finally sharing my story- R.I.P Raheem



## BlessedWomb

I am ready to tell my story... 
Here it is, it may be lengthy so bare with me.


Background: I always had irregular cycles. They would last forever. I could bleed for 3 months at a time sometimes, constant bleeding. If you are a religious person you may know the story about a woman with an issue of blood. I always felt like her. That if I could just touch the hem of Jesus' garment that everything would be okay. So, one night when I was going to church I heard the spirit of the lord say that he would heal me. They were lining people up, and there was a line for healing. I didn't tell her where to tough me, but she touched me on my womb. She prayed. I went my own way. I was on birth control at that time to regulate my periods. I threw them away. Ever since that fateful night my periods were regular. Like clockwork 28 days... a normal cycle. 
GOD IS GREAT!!!!


I joined this site in hopes of one day becoming a mother. I thought I was pregnant in February I believe, or it may have been March. But, I wasn't, so I just said whatever God's plans are for me is OK with me. 

So in April my period didn't show up. I was surprised I begin testing I must have bought about 10 tests. They were all faint or not good enough for me. On my husband's birthday 4/27/2012 I took a digi test. It said pregnant. I was so ecstatic. I was happy. I had it confirmed. I had some cramping around 6 weeks or so. It was normal they said. I didn't worry about it. I was happy. I just kept praying and moving forward.

I must have had every pregnancy app on my phone. My wallpaper on my phone was my pregnancy tests that I had taken. Everything that I ate and breathed was pregnancy. I was at every doctor's appointment. I was scheduled to find out the gender on 8/28/2012. I really wanted a boy so bad. I was just praying for a boy. 

I was 20 weeks on that Saturday. Sunday August 19, I was having cramping. I called the hospital. They said it may be dehydration, take some tylenol, drink lot's of water, and rest. I did it felt better. Around 12:00 a.m. On Monday, my birthday, 8/20/2012 I was getting ready for bed. I was hurting so bad, I was cramping, no position was comfortable for me. I called the hospital again, they told me if I felt I needed to come in then I should. I called my mom. I told her that I was cramping around 5 or 10 minutes exactly. Or whenever I switched positions from standing to sitting. She said she was on her way. I woke my husband up, he began praying in the Muslim way. I was walking around like I was in labor I knew something was terribly wrong. 

I made it to the hospital. They put the belt on me to see if I was contracting. Nope. They checked baby's heartbeat it was 160. That was high for my baby he is always 140. I knew again something was wrong. When she was looking for the heartbeat it hurt so bad for her to touch me. They dismissed it as round ligament pain. The doc was going to check my cervix but decided not to. They were ready to send me home when I felt the urge to vomit. I ran to the bathroom as I was opening my mouth to gag, my waters broke at the same time. I pulled the cord for the nurse.

They advised me of everything... blah, blah, blah, baby's not going to make it. I said what about surfactant and just everything I knew about premature babies. It didn't matter it was less than a 1% chance baby would make it. I just kept screaming no, no, no through tears. It's my birthday. Why?

Well, they said they would start pitocin. They basically told me baby would die in my arms. I said no, I can't do that. No, I can't. So, because their was no amniotic fluid baby would die inside of me. They checked with ultrasound baby's heartbeat was declining. I asked was it a boy or girl. They said they couldn't tell because there was no fluid. They decided it would be inhumane to have the baby born and die that way. He died inside of me. 

They gave me pitocin and something else to start contractions. The worst pain ever. I wanted an epidural they didn't give me one though. I went through labor naturally. Not what I wanted. My nurse had called the doctors to come for 2 hours while I was in labor. I felt I had to urinate. I was trying to go to the restroom. My husband said do it right here and I'll clean it up. My mama said no they'll do it. I just urinated on myself. I felt the baby coming out. I delivered the baby by myself. My mom jumped when she saw the baby. The doctor's were nowhere to be found. My mom ran into the hallway screaming for the doctors. They came, I was screaming. I was so traumatized. They cut the umbilical cord and were about to clean the baby my husband said no. He took the baby and began praying. It was a little boy. He was so beautiful. He had all the features of his daddy. Big hands, big feet. I kissed him. I told him I loved him. We named him Raheem. I didn't know what it meant at that time. But it means merciful God. My name is Mercedez and my names means merciful. Anyway, God had a reason I may never know but he is still so great and he deserves all honor, glory, and adoration. 

Everyday it gets better. My dad told me God will reveal it by and by. That's what the old folks used to say. I know that he will. I just trust God so much. It doesn't make the grieving easier.But it makes it easier knowing that God loves me so much, more than I could possibly ever love myself. 

R.I.P. Raheem

This is the song I played to him very often. I hope you like it too!! It's dedicated to him. 
https://youtu.be/SkQLthgzTIk


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## Loubylou

I am so sorry for your loss, love and prayers to you and your family x


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## BlessedWomb

Thank you @ lou


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## ciabatta

I am so sorry for your loss, at least your beautiful baby boy was wanted and loved in his short time here.Hugs for you and your family, heal, rest, stay strong and hopefully you will be blessed fully again in time


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## hunni12

Sorry for your loss


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## Here_we_go

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Words typed out seem so meaningless at times but know that lots of prayers are going your way and I hope this allows you at least a shred of peace. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## CooCooCaChoo

RIP Raheem. He is cradled in the arms of an angel now.


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## Lettuce

I'm so very sorry for your tragic loss. :hugs: my thoughts and prayers are with you and you family.


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## Rosie.no1

I'm so sorry.. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family x


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## BlessedWomb

Rosie.no1 said:


> I'm so sorry.. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family x




Lettuce said:


> I'm so very sorry for your tragic loss. :hugs: my thoughts and prayers are with you and you family.




CooCooCaChoo said:


> RIP Raheem. He is cradled in the arms of an angel now.




Here_we_go said:


> I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Words typed out seem so meaningless at times but know that lots of prayers are going your way and I hope this allows you at least a shred of peace. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:




hunni12 said:


> Sorry for your loss




ciabatta said:


> I am so sorry for your loss, at least your beautiful baby boy was wanted and loved in his short time here.Hugs for you and your family, heal, rest, stay strong and hopefully you will be blessed fully again in time


Thanks ladies... I appreciate it :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Missy86

I am so sorry for your loss


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## bababas

i am so sorry for your loss :hugs: you are a very strong woman with strong faith. :hugs:


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## realtreebaby

I'm so sorry, i'm 19+6 weeks now and i can't imagine how you feel, that's such a sad story. RIP. Wish you the best of luck in the future. :hugs: :cry:


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## scoobydrlp

I am so so sorry for your loss, and even more-so for the way it all came about. My heart is breaking for you. I will pray for healing and peace for you and your husband. :hugs:


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## happyb

I am so sorry for ur lost, I pray that God be with u & wipe away ur tears.


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## catfromaus

So sorry for your loss. Xxx


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## BlessedWomb

Missy86 said:


> I am so sorry for your loss




bababas said:


> i am so sorry for your loss :hugs: you are a very strong woman with strong faith. :hugs:




realtreebaby said:


> I'm so sorry, i'm 19+6 weeks now and i can't imagine how you feel, that's such a sad story. RIP. Wish you the best of luck in the future. :hugs: :cry:




scoobydrlp said:


> I am so so sorry for your loss, and even more-so for the way it all came about. My heart is breaking for you. I will pray for healing and peace for you and your husband. :hugs:




happyb said:


> I am so sorry for ur lost, I pray that God be with u & wipe away ur tears.




catfromaus said:


> So sorry for your loss. Xxx


Thanks ladies so much... God bless you all!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## LittleAngel09

I'm so sorry for your loss. Truly heartbreaking xx


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## cherrylee

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Fly high Raheem, may god's love be with you both.


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## foxiechick1

I am so very sorry for your loss :hugs::hugs::hugs: xx


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## xvmomovx

I am so sorry for your loss and for the way you were treated. May your angel baby Raheem watch over you and be your light!


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## BlessedWomb

xvmomovx said:


> I am so sorry for your loss and for the way you were treated. May your angel baby Raheem watch over you and be your light!


Thanks so much!!! I am going to write a letter to the hospital about the doctors. :nope: But, the nurses were the best. :kiss::kiss:They were so sweet. 
:hugs::hugs:


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## BlessedWomb

LittleAngel09 said:


> I'm so sorry for your loss. Truly heartbreaking xx




cherrylee said:


> I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Fly high Raheem, may god's love be with you both.




foxiechick1 said:


> I am so very sorry for your loss :hugs::hugs::hugs: xx

Thank you ladies... :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Jembug

I'm so sorry. I remember seeing you in the ttc section. Your family sound like a massive support to you. Xxxxx


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## Ecologirl

What a terrible thing to go through, I just can't imagine your pain. Thankyou for sharing your story, I hope each day brings you more peace and that that your hearts can heal. My Mum lost one of her babies at 17wks on her birthday. It's so hard to imagine what that would be like until you've been pregnant yourself. My heart just goes out to you and your family so much. You sound like you have a very strong faith though and that will be such a blessing in itself for you. Take care, xo :hugs:


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## Ersurgeongirl

So so sorry for your loss :(


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## Kappy

Thank you for sharing your story and my God bless you. I too have an angel baby and she was born full term but passed one week after early last year. We now have true guardian angels watching over us. You will be blessed again.


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## davidjoemum

R.I.P little one.Mercedez I am so sorry for your loss.remember that we all are here for you.


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## BlessedWomb

Thanks ladies...Sorry to those who have had losses before too. I pray that God blesses me again. I know that so many women have gone through what I am now facing. I can now be a testimony to another woman. It will and has made me a better mother and woman.


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## Taylah

Oh sweetheart I am so very sorry for the loss of your little angel Raheem , may your hearts be healed by the love raheem filled them with, thoughts & prayers are with you & your family xxxxx


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## mjvdec01

So, so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby boy.:hug:


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## Meloc9710

This story breaks my heart. I am so very sorry. May time heal your heart!


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I am so deeply sorry for your loss.. XOXOXOOXOXOXOOX


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## capegirl7

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers


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## BlessedWomb

capegirl7 said:


> I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers




Andypanda6570 said:


> :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
> I am so deeply sorry for your loss.. XOXOXOOXOXOXOOX




Meloc9710 said:


> This story breaks my heart. I am so very sorry. May time heal your heart!




mjvdec01 said:


> So, so very sorry for the loss of your precious baby boy.:hug:




Taylah said:


> Oh sweetheart I am so very sorry for the loss of your little angel Raheem , may your hearts be healed by the love raheem filled them with, thoughts & prayers are with you & your family xxxxx




davidjoemum said:


> R.I.P little one.Mercedez I am so sorry for your loss.remember that we all are here for you.




Ecologirl said:


> What a terrible thing to go through, I just can't imagine your pain. Thankyou for sharing your story, I hope each day brings you more peace and that that your hearts can heal. My Mum lost one of her babies at 17wks on her birthday. It's so hard to imagine what that would be like until you've been pregnant yourself. My heart just goes out to you and your family so much. You sound like you have a very strong faith though and that will be such a blessing in itself for you. Take care, xo :hugs:




Jembug said:


> I'm so sorry. I remember seeing you in the ttc section. Your family sound like a massive support to you. Xxxxx


Thank you ladies... :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## cluckerduckie

I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I pray that you will continue to heal and grieve accordingly and may this not hinder you in trying again.:hugs:


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## Pink_Sparkle

Thank you for sharing your story. Im so so sorry you had to go through this. Ive been through it myself and I know the pain your feeling. Your so right about this making you a better woman and mother. Losing our precious Freya has taught us so much about love, strength and how precious life is. May the coming days be gentle on you xxx :hugs:


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## nicksi27

Im so sorry that you have lost your little boy. I also lost my little boy at 20 weeks and its the worst pain in the world :( Your little angel is watching over you all now until you meet again. Sending you and your family lots of hugs. xxx


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## Skye1

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't believe the trauma you have all been through :hugs:

Lovely of your husband to pray for him like he did xx


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## Conkers

I am so sorry for your loss, lots of love xxx


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## Porgie

Your strength is truly inspirational. Raheem is craddled in the arms of the lord now.


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## DueSeptember

* My water broke at 23 weeks I held her in a week and Lost my Baby at 24 weeks so I def know how it feels...If you ever want to talk I am Here...Sorry for your Loss  Take care!*


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## jessandaj

im so sorry for your loss :( raheem is a beautiful name with such a amazing beautiful meaning behind it, your in my prayers.


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## confused2011

I am so sorry for your loss... It is the greatest pain I think we will ever feel but we have angel babies that will be with us for eternity and they are loved.


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## SummersMummy

Sleep tight gorgeous little boy :angel:
Your mummy, daddy and all your family love you so much.

I pray that you're blessed with your rainbow when the time is right sweetie :hugs: xx


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## NYcountrygirl

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure he was beautiful!! I'm sorry you didn't have a more compassionate hospital helping you through this....and this is why I"m going to school for nursing. There needs to be more compassionate nurses out there helping mamas in good situations as well as the sad ones.


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## Soccergurl3

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Luzelle

Thanks for sharing your story. May you always hold precious Raheem close in your heart. May God give you strength for the grief that you and your husband are going through.


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## Khadijah-x

Crying :(

I am so so sorry for your loss :(

Raheem is a beautiful name mash'Allaah and as a religious person you know he is safe in Heaven with God <3

I hope you come to find a way of coping soon..thinking of you and praying for you all.x


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## BlessedWomb

Thank you everyone so much!!!!!!


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## Unexpecting

I read this and cried my eyes out! I'm so sorry for your loss... I suffered a miscarriage 8yrs ago at 10 weeks... It devastated me and broke my heart! I still cry about it sometimes.... I pray that you have a healthy full term baby one day.... Best wishes ms. Lady &#128148;


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## Xpecta

I'm so sorry for your loss! I have to say that your faith is inspiring. And the best thing to think is that Raheem is in Heaven with Jesus right now and is more happy and healthy than you could hope. If you're ever feeling down and need prayer, message me. Much love to you, sister in Christ.


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## dizzy65

:hugs: so sorry for ur loss :(


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