# not getting any better...



## violet_joy

i found out last week i am having a boy. i dont kno why but me and my partner have always been convinced we would always have girls and have a 4 year old girl already. while i am so so happy that he is healthy but, i just feel so sad. i thought that being round the block with my daughter i knew this time what i was doing, and now its all new again and as bad as it sounds i just havent got the strength to deal with everything new again, plus as i say we wer convinced girl it was such a shock. no one seems to b taking me seriously when i tell them how bad i feel about it and im feeling so isolated its starting to make me question wether or not i want him. how evil is that?! i kno how horrid that sounds and im killing myself for feeling this way. my daughter asked me "mummy can we have a girl instead?" im so frightened of all this, is she going to really dislike him? am i? and also, certain family members have been physically dissappointed wen ive told them, one even sed oh well u can hav another after!! i was so mad! (shes a distant relative and wont hav anything to do with baby but still) sorry for ranting on i just dont kno where else to turn, and my mw is jus so useless its unreal. thanks for reading :( xx


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## louloubabs

violet_joy said:


> i found out last week i am having a boy. i dont kno why but me and my partner have always been convinced we would always have girls and have a 4 year old girl already. while i am so so happy that he is healthy but, i just feel so sad. i thought that being round the block with my daughter i knew this time what i was doing, and now its all new again and as bad as it sounds i just havent got the strength to deal with everything new again, plus as i say we wer convinced girl it was such a shock. no one seems to b taking me seriously when i tell them how bad i feel about it and im feeling so isolated its starting to make me question wether or not i want him. how evil is that?! i kno how horrid that sounds and im killing myself for feeling this way. my daughter asked me "mummy can we have a girl instead?" im so frightened of all this, is she going to really dislike him? am i? and also, certain family members have been physically dissappointed wen ive told them, one even sed oh well u can hav another after!! i was so mad! (shes a distant relative and wont hav anything to do with baby but still) sorry for ranting on i just dont kno where else to turn, and my mw is jus so useless its unreal. thanks for reading :( xx

Hey hun

Sorry to read that you're feeling like this :( You're not alone though and what you feel is felt by many women in your situation.

I don't have any words of advice but didn't want to read and run. Hoping someone here can help you more than I have :hugs:

XxX:kiss:


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## MeAndMyShadow

I just want to tell you that BOYS ARE WONDERFUL!!!! They really are, I have 2(I always wanted boys) and they are just incredible! They are so sweet and cheeky and will forever make you laugh. There is nothing quite like the bond between Mother and Son, you will be amazed at how protective of him you will be once he arrives. I know it's hard to to accept right now hun, but you will absolutely love him, trust me. Also, your daughter will adore her baby brother, she really will! Take it one day at a time, but the love you will have for your little boy will just melt your heart every time you look at him. Boys are just the best blessings xxxx


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## Misscalais

I've always seen myself with a mix of boys and girls ( I only have two boys so far ) and ttc a girl. Boys are awesome! Your daughter will love him! I have three sisters and a brother and I have a very special place in my heart for my baby brother ( who now towers over me lol ) I find myself more protective of him then my sisters and it truly is just such a blessing to have him in my life. I find it hard to understand why someone doesn't want a certain sex, I understand the wanting of a boy after a girl or a girl after a boy but it does make me feel sad when I read that someone doesn't want a certain gender at all, not only for the baby but for the mum and how hard it must be for her to be feeling so terrible about things. And no one ever truly understands unless they are going through the same thing.
I'm sure you will 'like' your baby boy, once you meet him and get to know him I'm sure all those feelings will fade away :)
Lots and lots of :hugs: to you and your unborn baby boy. I hope you feel better about it soon how long till your due date?


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## maybebaby3

:hugs: boys are really sweet. My DD was upset it was another boy now as according to her 'there's four of them and just 2 of us' that's counting my DH and I! I really wanted a girl this time but its a boy. Now I'm happy and excited about it. Go and buy some cute clothes! The thing I found the best was naming our son. Now I'm excited to meet my baby jake!


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## Eleanor ace

:hugs:. Honestly, try not to stress! Once your DS is here you'll realise that he belongs and having a baby boy is no different to having a baby girl (bar the nappy changes!). Whether you have all girls, all boys or a mix they will have different personalities so you'd be constantly learning anyway. My brothers were completely different as kids whereas my younger brother and I were much more similar (in terms of interests, toys we played with etc). 
Give yourself time to get used to the idea of a boy and don't beat yourself up for how you feel :hugs:


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## violet_joy

thanku ladies, im due in oct. hopefully things will turn around. its just everything about this pregnancy, and the pregnancy itself was so unplanned and unexpected and im trying to remind myself that actually i am very very lucky x


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## jenniferttc1

I never wanted boys, but I had a son and this one is probably a boy too. I am lucky to have been given the chance to experience and life a little boy unconditionally. You honestly don't care once he is born, and you will feel just like you do towards your daughter, with him. I promise. As for other members of the family.....what do they care? It's not their child, and honestly you already had a daughter so its not like they didn't ever get to play with a girl. Boys are great! You will have a whole new outlook on them. There was actually a girl on here that was so disappointed, she didn't think she wanted to keep him, but she changed her view instantly once he was here


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## TwilightAgain

Take time to grieve the little girl you thought you had, but remember that the little boy in your tummy loves you and needs you more than anyone else in the world. You will get through this and you will love him with all your heart :hugs:

As for your daughter, i'd be consistent and repetitive with saying positive things about having a brother and games she'll be able to play with him but it's her job as a big sister to look out for him.

:hugs: good luck hun.


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## Ashla

Mega hugs :hugs:

1) You are not evil
2) You are not even horrid

I think what Twighlightagain said was really true. You are grieving the girl you are not having. I think that so much of a pregnancy is about imaging the future that you will have with your new baby. And for those of us who badly want a particular gender, that future is implicitly tied up in being that baby being a boy or being a girl. So it is ok to take time out mourn the future you will not be having. 

People were the same with me when I was pregnant with my son. They were visibly disappointed or unexcited that I was having a boy but they shrugged off my concerns about gender disappointment. And being told that it would all get better the moment he was born wasn't particularly comforting, because I kept thinking "what if it doesn't get better and as a result I damage my son because he can tell that I don't want him."

I know that you will love your son. Because if you were the kind of mum who was capable of not loving him, you wouldn't be on this forum worrying about the possibility that you don't want him. It sounds like you are doing the right things with your daughter and being positive about the new baby boy with her. Eventually, whether it takes 2 weeks or 2 months or 2 years, you will fall in love with him. In the meantime, act as if you love him and be gentle and patient with yourself while you grieve. 

And for what is is worth, while I lost the future I had imagined with the daughter I didn't have, I found that life with my son held moments that were far more beautiful than anything I could have _ever_ imagined.


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## gk1701

I feel the same- had a picture of my 2 cute little girls in my head but I'm having a boy....really disappointed. Almost 38 weeks now and no better.


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## violet_joy

thanku everyone for your wonderful replies. its no conforting to know im not alone in my feelings. gk1701, im so sorry u feel this way i kno how awful it feels, all we can do is hope that our feelings will change when they arrive, 
i keep telling myself how lucky i really am and i kno its true. xxx


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## Angelica

Life is strange hey? We all seem to want wat we dont have! I have a 4 yr old dd & due another girl next month. I have always dreamed of having 1 of each so have suffered gd since 20week scan.
Have slowly gotten used to it over the last 4 months but still do feel sad that i'll prob never have a little boy :(


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