# Ttc after stillbirth



## 30pkfr

My baby boy was born at 34 weeks on 7th of august, unfortunatly asleep:( its soo hard and the only way me and OH feel it can get better is to have his little brother or sister, my little boy would want someone to be able to make us smile. I am due to ovulate on his due dat 16th september, has anyone been in my position or know anyone who has? How long does it normally take to get pregnant after a stillbirth? Took us 6 months but only one month of properly trying to get our little boy :) thanks


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## mnicole

Hi there, 
I am SO, so sorry for your loss, this is a unique experience, unfortunately. I have some experience with loss as well. Although, not as far along as you were, I lost my first son at 22 weeks in April 2012. My body went into preterm labour, and he was far too young to make it through :(. I understand what you are feeling, with wanting to try again, it's the only thing I could focus on, it was the only thing that could keep me going day to day. I conceived #2 in September of 2012, it was a shock, and oddly I was not as thrilled as I thought I would be, I suppose knowing that no pregnancy is guaranteed somewhat takes the joy away. I lost that one early, roughly 6-7 weeks along. Pregnancy #3 came as a HUGE shock. After spending so many months obsessing over it, charting, doing LH tests...I finally gave up hope this past April, only to find out a couple weeks later, and 3 days after my first son's birthday, I was expecting again. I had a very hard time finding joy in this again, but my GP assured me it would be different. It wasn't, I lost my second son at 17 weeks in July 2013, conculsion being incompetent cervix.
So, now I really don't know where I stand. I know I want fullterm, healthy, kicking and screaming babies. They're all I have ever wanted. But, I cannot do this again, I cannot do this to another unborn child that my body is incapable of supporting, my mental healthy can't do this again, and I can't put my family thru this again. But, it's all I want.
I did try out the temping and LH testing again this cycle, after my first post D&C "period" ( was reeeeally light, just bizzare). I had the positive LH surge, STRONG ovulation pains....no significant temp shift, so I am pretty sure I did not ovulate, and am expecting AF any day now.
I know how hard this journey is, it isn't supposed to be. It is supposed to be natural, and happy, and full of joy. I just wanna say, trust your body. I have never really listened to "Dr.'s orders" as far as trying again...I feel like when my body is ready, I will get pregnant. I wish you luck in your healing and your next TTC journey


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## CastawayBride

So sorry for your loss. I also know that pain as we lost our son the week of July 15th at 31 weeks. We did NTNP after my first period and I am in my TWW wait now. As you I felt we wanted to expand our family and hope to be pregnant soon. Although I cannot wait to be pregnant I am very scared of it at the same time...My AF is due this Sunday, I am hoping she doesn't come in! :thumbup:

If you would like to buddy up or need support let me know, it is definitely difficult. Have you had your first AF yet? It took mine 5 weeks and 1 day.


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## 30pkfr

Hi, i am so sorry for both your losses, i really wish it didnt happrn but especially to the best of us:( it took my first period just under 4 weeks to start its finished now, yeah thatd be nice to get eachother through it and im sure the previous poster might feel the same, i hope for all 3 of us ( if that still what you want mnicole) we get our little miracle bundles of joy sometime soon to ease the pain a little, what things are you trying? I am just taking the usual vitamins aswell as fertilecm as its suppose to help with getting your lining ready for implantation so worth a try xx


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## CastawayBride

I am not that great a B&B yet (ha ha ha) but is their a way to do side communications? I could even do a facebook thing if you ladies would like and we could all start a facebook group (just the three of us unless other ladies would like to join in!) It is easier to share photos, etc.

On a side note today I recieved my son's photos from the hospital. My poor husband lost it :cry: We are missing him like crazy...My due date was Sept 19th.


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## 30pkfr

Erm im really not sure i think you can email on here? Il try and do it in a minute, and awe :/ they upset us too when we got ours back, i still look through my photos all the time but as it gets nearer to the pictures of my last hold my last kiss and the last picture how we left him lying it bringa the emotion of it all being over of us having to leave him again :( have you had the funeral yet, kodys is on friday.
Another question, do you think itd be easier to be pregnant with a girl this time because you had a boy this time? Part of me thinks i am just searching and hoping for things thatd make it easier but the other part of me thinks if i have another boy itd be like im going down the same route like its all happening the same, im not sure if my bodys just hoping to have a girl itd be less worrying when in reality il probably be jut as worried :/


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## CastawayBride

30pkfr said:


> Erm im really not sure i think you can email on here? Il try and do it in a minute, and awe :/ they upset us too when we got ours back, i still look through my photos all the time but as it gets nearer to the pictures of my last hold my last kiss and the last picture how we left him lying it bringa the emotion of it all being over of us having to leave him again :( have you had the funeral yet, kodys is on friday.
> Another question, do you think itd be easier to be pregnant with a girl this time because you had a boy this time? Part of me thinks i am just searching and hoping for things thatd make it easier but the other part of me thinks if i have another boy itd be like im going down the same route like its all happening the same, im not sure if my bodys just hoping to have a girl itd be less worrying when in reality il probably be jut as worried :/

We chose to have our son cremated and are planning a one year celebration instead of doing something when he passed as the grief everyone felt was too much. I have to admit it is kind of nice having him home with us...we have a tree planted in his honor too in our yard.

I have also thought it might be easier to be pregnant with a girl since we had a little boy. I totally get what you are saying but I honestly think the worry will be there either way! :hugs:


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## babydust818

I didn't want to read and run. I wanted to say that i am SO sorry for your loss. Your type of loss has to be one of the WORST anyone could ever have. I can't imagine everything you're feeling. You sound like a very strong woman and i admire you for that. 

Same goes to all you girls who have lost a stillborn. Unbelievable how incredibly strong you ladies are.


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## 30pkfr

Yeah were having our boy cremated i wany him with me. Having a little service for him though and yeah weve made a bit of our garden for him weve planted a tree hes got a plaque and little picket fence round it and weve got a love heart with lights around and a waterfall in there and lots of blue and white seeds that flower in august and september time :) doesnt make it better but its somewhere we can go to speak to him etc xxx


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## 30pkfr

And thankyou babydust818 means alot :)


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## CastawayBride

Well ladies at 2 weeks 6 days (pregnant), and 10 dpo I got a positive pregnancy test. I am now in the mind set of, lets see if little bean is a sticky one. I think all I can do is take this one step at a time, week by week. No long term planning. I am trying to stay as optimistic as possible. I truly just hope this pregnancy goes smoothly I don't know if my heart can take another bumpy ride...


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## 30pkfr

Oh my gosh im soo happy for you :) good luck i really hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and get a take home baby at the end of it all ! Keep in touch id like to know how your getting on and how you find ways too cope as i am soo scared of getting pregnant again i am not even sure if i am going to BD around ovulation yet, when did you DTD on the day of ovulation ? Xx


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## CastawayBride

30pkfr said:


> Oh my gosh im soo happy for you :) good luck i really hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy and get a take home baby at the end of it all ! Keep in touch id like to know how your getting on and how you find ways too cope as i am soo scared of getting pregnant again i am not even sure if i am going to BD around ovulation yet, when did you DTD on the day of ovulation ? Xx


Thats the thing, we did the deed 4 and 5 days away from O, I had no clue that we would take this fast AND we was just us starting to get reacquainted after stopping all play at 23 weeks when I felt like I couldn't make love anymore, with fear of hurting little one. I got the two lines and showed hubby who said, "Well lets wait and see if you are pregnant" It hurt but I understand this is how he is coping. Once I miss my AF I am sure he will happy though. I just told him a line is a line but he still was like in shock...

We were together, twice. Thats it. That is kind of why I am shocked and really feel we have a small little miracle :flower:


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## 30pkfr

Yeah he probably doesnt want to beleive it babe and woo go you sounds like its your lil man looking down on you, and if its within his power he will make sure everything goes ok for you xx


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## CastawayBride

30pkfr said:


> Yeah he probably doesnt want to beleive it babe and woo go you sounds like its your lil man looking down on you, and if its within his power he will make sure everything goes ok for you xx

Thank you so much....I will test again tomorrow to see if the line is getting darker...


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## babydust818

What is meant to be, always finds a way! <3 Congrats Castaway!


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## patch2006uk

My son was stillborn in feb at 42+4, he died in labour. We waited for 4 months until starting to NTNP, and got pregnant first cycle. From what I've read, it is better to give your body longer to recover from a pregnancy, however the risks seemed to be greatest if you got pregnant less than 4 months after giving birth. Waiting 6-12 months is safest, but I personally couldn't have waited that long. 

I was so nervous before the first scan a couple of weeks ago. I had convinced myself that something would be wrong. We still haven't told anyone about the pregnancy-we're hoping to wait until 20 weeks, after the anomaly scan. I'm not letting my hopes get up too high, but for now all is seeming ok, so I'm trying to stay positive. 

Good luck with the rest of your journey :flower:


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## baby_maybe

I'm so sorry for your losses ladies :hugs:

Our first dd was born at 24 weeks and passed away not long after, this was almost 13 years ago now, due to incompetent cervix. I was very much the same and needed to carry another baby, which I did with the help of a suture to 32 weeks. She will be 12 in a month :) We didn't wait long, I think I fell pg the month after my D&C and I would say that although I was thrilled to end up with a healthy baby, I found the pregnancy hard going physically and mentally draining as I stressed about every little thing.

I just wanted add to the lady with incompetent cervix - it is very possible to carry babies to term with this condition. I have recently given birth to my 5th baby (the 4th with a suture in my cervix to ensure it doesn't dilate early). I know how you feel and I have been on edge each time, but I have had happy endings and you will too. You need to speak to your doctor about getting the suture placed early on at around 14 weeks, this should prevent another early delivery. Please, if you need to speak to someone feel free to message me and I'll tell you everything I know, there is also a very good thread on here in the gestational complications sections specifically for ladies with IC and there are a lot of members with a great deal of knowledge also who will be more than happy to answer any questions you have :hugs:


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## CastawayBride

patch2006uk said:


> My son was stillborn in feb at 42+4, he died in labour. We waited for 4 months until starting to NTNP, and got pregnant first cycle. From what I've read, it is better to give your body longer to recover from a pregnancy, however the risks seemed to be greatest if you got pregnant less than 4 months after giving birth. Waiting 6-12 months is safest, but I personally couldn't have waited that long.
> 
> I was so nervous before the first scan a couple of weeks ago. I had convinced myself that something would be wrong. We still haven't told anyone about the pregnancy-we're hoping to wait until 20 weeks, after the anomaly scan. I'm not letting my hopes get up too high, but for now all is seeming ok, so I'm trying to stay positive.
> 
> Good luck with the rest of your journey :flower:

That is interesting, b/c my doctor said wait one AF, maybe it has to do with each individual person and how you became about the loss? The whole situation is just so hard, I truly hope everyone gets the strength to go along their journeys.


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## patch2006uk

We were told we could start trying again whenever we wanted, but after researching, there are some risks of prematurity and preterm labour if you get pregnant very quickly after a full term pregnancy (very quickly meaning within a month or two. The risks were pretty low by 4 months, hence us deciding we would wait that long). And given I was pregnant for 42 and a half weeks, I personally didn't mind a gap of a few months to let my body get back to normal! But what's right for one person could be totally wrong for someone else. You just have to do what feels right for you :) and it's not like the risks of being pregnant again quickly are huge-there are plenty of people with tiny gaps between their children. It just wasn't right for me to get pregnant again straight away.


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## CastawayBride

patch2006uk said:


> We were told we could start trying again whenever we wanted, but after researching, there are some risks of prematurity and preterm labour if you get pregnant very quickly after a full term pregnancy (very quickly meaning within a month or two. The risks were pretty low by 4 months, hence us deciding we would wait that long). And given I was pregnant for 42 and a half weeks, I personally didn't mind a gap of a few months to let my body get back to normal! But what's right for one person could be totally wrong for someone else. You just have to do what feels right for you :) and it's not like the risks of being pregnant again quickly are huge-there are plenty of people with tiny gaps between their children. It just wasn't right for me to get pregnant again straight away.

If you don't mind me asking did you have pre term labor? Maybe that is why? Due to your history? I have never heard of such a thing so I am trying to wrap my mind around it!


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## patch2006uk

Nope - 42+4 he was born (he died either 42+1 or 42+2. I don't labour normally, and I'd been contracting for 2 days, but no-one believed I was in labour, so I was at home, and he got distressed and died. We found out he died at 42+3, delivered 42+4). My first son was an EMCS at 42+1, and looking back I believe the same thing would have happened to him if I hadn't happened to have been in the hospital and on a monitor when his heartrate crashed. 

Like I said, there is evidence that waiting 12-18 months minimum is best for a healthy second/subsequent pregnancy, but I couldn't have waited that long. It's simply about the strains and the mineral depletion your body goes through during a pregnancy, and giving yourself a chance to recover before going through it again.


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## CastawayBride

patch2006uk said:


> Nope - 42+4 he was born (he died either 42+1 or 42+2. I don't labour normally, and I'd been contracting for 2 days, but no-one believed I was in labour, so I was at home, and he got distressed and died. We found out he died at 42+3, delivered 42+4). My first son was an EMCS at 42+1, and looking back I believe the same thing would have happened to him if I hadn't happened to have been in the hospital and on a monitor when his heartrate crashed.
> 
> Like I said, there is evidence that waiting 12-18 months minimum is best for a healthy second/subsequent pregnancy, but I couldn't have waited that long. It's simply about the strains and the mineral depletion your body goes through during a pregnancy, and giving yourself a chance to recover before going through it again.

Oh hun I am so sorry! I wonder why they don't induce you, did they ever tell you if your placenta was too old? I know that after awhile it becomes inefficient...

With me I caught my son in distress but due to hospital neglect he didn't make it, at 31 weeks. It took 3 1/2 days to deliver as my body refused, refused to allow him to be born, my body knew my son needed more time. It was a shame really and we are starting over with a whole new team AND hospital.


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## patch2006uk

I wasn't happy with induction because of previous c-section (rupture rate of around 6-8% following induction, rather than 0.5% if labour starts naturally), and there were no signs of any problems. I just don't labour right. Placenta was perfect, as was baby. He just needed to be born and wasn't. I have to accept the risk of induction this time, which frightens me no end. I don't want a repeat c-section, though, if I can avoid one. My first knocked me around emotionally for the first year. I wasn't 'depressed', but I certainly wasn't right. And the scar still twinges and pulls now, and it's horrible. I don't want another scar if I can avoid one. There's no perfect answer for my case-my consultant is supportive of a 40 week induction, assuming everything else is well, so that's the plan for now. Obviously if I need a c-section I'd have one, but I don't think I could elect for one if all was well. 

Knowing that negligence was a factor must be so hard. I hope you're happy with your new care team!


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## CastawayBride

patch2006uk said:


> I wasn't happy with induction because of previous c-section (rupture rate of around 6-8% following induction, rather than 0.5% if labour starts naturally), and there were no signs of any problems. I just don't labour right. Placenta was perfect, as was baby. He just needed to be born and wasn't. I have to accept the risk of induction this time, which frightens me no end. I don't want a repeat c-section, though, if I can avoid one. My first knocked me around emotionally for the first year. I wasn't 'depressed', but I certainly wasn't right. And the scar still twinges and pulls now, and it's horrible. I don't want another scar if I can avoid one. There's no perfect answer for my case-my consultant is supportive of a 40 week induction, assuming everything else is well, so that's the plan for now. Obviously if I need a c-section I'd have one, but I don't think I could elect for one if all was well.
> 
> Knowing that negligence was a factor must be so hard. I hope you're happy with your new care team!

Wow, yeah at least if they can plan to have you deliver by 40 wks and like you said however it needs to be done, it has to be done. I sure hope we get better care this time around too! 

:hugs:


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