# Who to have look after oldest child?



## justmeinlove

I'm wondering who people generally get in to look after their child whilst they're off having a baby. We don't really have anyone I can think of who is close enough. So I Could go do it by myself whilst husband stays home with her, but I don't think he'll be super keen on that. And we're definitely going to a hospital rather than a home birth.

I just don't know what to do. Even more so as we may have to move house in the next couple of months and probably won't know anyone in the new area either &#128533;


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## Mum2BKW

That's a tough one, we are asking grandparents who are about 1.5hrs drive away - how far are your family/friends? If they are a huge distance, but you'd really like to have them nearby for your daughter, perhaps you could arrange to go stay with them for a few weeks around your due date? And have the baby at their local hospital instead?


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## jessmke

Our closest family members are 4 hours away, so we are relying on friends. We have 4 or 5 people who are going to be "on call", so hopefully someone is available when the time comes. If it's during the day and no one is available we might drop DD off at daycare and then have a friend pick her up after work and bring her home and put her to bed and stay the night at our house. It's hard to plan for because it all just depends on what time of day/night things kick off. My hope is that I labour at home all afternoon/evening so my OH can put DD to bed before we go off to the hospital and we can just have a friend come and spend the night in our spare room. So long as things go well and all is fine with me and the baby the midwife will discharge us about 4 hours after delivery, so my hope is we can be home before DD wakes in the morning and she will never know we are gone, and our friend will have had to do nothing except sleep at our house. I know it's wishful thinking and probably the exact opposite will happen, but I can hope!


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## justmeinlove

To be honest there literally is no family member I trust to look after my child in a way I feel she would need. Friends yes, but it's definitely a bit of an imposition (we're about to move somewhere brand new so won't really know anyone close by) :-/
Urgh maybe it's a good way of still seeing the people we are moving away from :(


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## vaniilla

We're getting a close friend to look after the kids whilst I'm in labour and family come over, MIL is having the kids this time but it'll take her a few hours to drive down so in-between a good friend has said she's more than happy to have them. 

Most people would be understanding and fine to look after them, my suggestion would be to have 1 or 2 friends as emergency contacts should you go into labour in the middle of the night etc.


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## WackyMumof2

These are the reasons I wanted a home birth last time just in case we couldn't get hold of anyone. But GD stopped that and that history will prevent it this time too.

None of my family is really local - the closest is my sister and she's a 1.5-2 hour drive away - unless she's at her MIL's then she's a 20 minute drive. But with DS2 and severe ADHD, I wouldn't ask.

MIL is on our quick call list but that's dependent of if she's rostered on at work or not. She's happy to go home if need be but I'm not going to pull her away from work. That and I don't want to see her when I'm in labour because she's just a pain in the ass and tries to help. I like to be left alone not questioned or 'helped'. If it's her day off hubby will drop the kids off to her. She will NOT be allowed to pick them up for that reason. Otherwise, we have hubby's uncle and his husband on hand. They had the boys last time as MIL was working. And it's peace of mind for me as he's a GP too. That plan fails then I guess I'm ringing the ambulance and hubby is staying home and that's not going to go down well at all.

I have to ask though OP, are there any in home child care providers in your area that are available during night hours and over night if all other plans fall though? Could be an option. :)


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## MrsKChicago

I would happily look after a friend's kid while they gave birth. I wouldn't rule out friends. If you really think you might leave your DH at home, I would consider getting a doula so you have some support.

We have family locally, so our first call will be to my brother and SIL (they're very close and almost on the way to the hospital), and if they're not available we'll call my mom. Mom is retired so I'm pretty sure we don't need a plan C.


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## AmyKai

My in-laws live closer than my parents, so it will probably be them. If not I'll try and recruit a friend. When my 2nd was born my ILs took care of my oldest and I think they'll offer the same this time. Hopefully!


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## Zephram

We are lucky in that we have family close by, so we dropped DS1 off at my parents on our way to hospital to have DS2.

I think in your situation, if family aren't suitable, then do you have a good friend who would be able to take your eldest? Are you moving so far away that no one would be able to come and stay at short notice?


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## second.time

My parents live seven hours away and my mom is hoping to come and stay with us when I'm at about 39-ish weeks so that she can be here when labor starts. It does make me anxious to know she has a far way to travel, just in case labor starts earlier than expected, but her schedule is pretty clear during the summer. But part of me keeps worrying that we need a Plan B and I don't know what to do ... we aren't close enough to anybody in this town to ask. I've wondered about arranging a babysitter?


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## justmeinlove

Zephram said:


> We are lucky in that we have family close by, so we dropped DS1 off at my parents on our way to hospital to have DS2.
> 
> I think in your situation, if family aren't suitable, then do you have a good friend who would be able to take your eldest? Are you moving so far away that no one would be able to come and stay at short notice?

We're moving to an island so that probably won't help either ;)


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## bumpy89

I had my third LO in hospital by myself whilst my husband stayed at home with our older two. Our family are all 4 hours + away and not very involved and we had just moved to a new area. I felt more comfortable knowing our older two were safe and happy with my husband and I could just focus my everything into the labour and birth. To be honest I loved it and the time after with just DS3 was so precious. My husband was great too, he was so supportive and it hasn't affected his bond with DS3 at all. We were all home and settled together as a family of 5 in no time. It wasn't the ideal situation but it went perfectly and I would do it again. I thought you might like to hear my experience just incase you can't get anyone to look after your LO. I was so anxious about it during my pregnancy and I wish I hadn't been because it really was no problem at all.


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## Zephram

justmeinlove said:


> We're moving to an island so that probably won't help either ;)

Is there a babysitting service on the island? Jus trying to think of options!


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## justmeinlove

bumpy89 said:


> I had my third LO in hospital by myself whilst my husband stayed at home with our older two. Our family are all 4 hours + away and not very involved and we had just moved to a new area. I felt more comfortable knowing our older two were safe and happy with my husband and I could just focus my everything into the labour and birth. To be honest I loved it and the time after with just DS3 was so precious. My husband was great too, he was so supportive and it hasn't affected his bond with DS3 at all. We were all home and settled together as a family of 5 in no time. It wasn't the ideal situation but it went perfectly and I would do it again. I thought you might like to hear my experience just incase you can't get anyone to look after your LO. I was so anxious about it during my pregnancy and I wish I hadn't been because it really was no problem at all.

Thanks, that does really help. I agree that my main concern is having someone with our little girl who I implicitly trust - there is literally no chance of me being able to relax until I know that is the case.


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