# What if she IS a girly-girl?



## GingerPanda

As you can probably guess by the title, I've just been told my first child is a girl.


"Girl" is almost like a bad word to me. It brings to mind all the frilly pink and glittery things I hated so much as a child. The dolls I was afraid of (with their freaky lifeless eyes). Barbie, who I could never identify with in her pink mansion with her pink convertible. The mean girls in school who made fun of me and ostracized me for not liking any of these things, and being more interested in dinosaurs, dirt, and catching frogs and lizards. My wardrobe consists almost exclusively of jeans and t-shirts. I have no real fashion sense, and I don't care to. I don't have to be able to walk in 5 inch heels to kick tail at video games.

From the time I was little, I always dreamed of having a son one day. Or multiple sons! Someone I could share all these things with and not feel judged. We TTC for almost 3 years with two losses, and I was SO EXCITED when we finally got pregnant and made it into the second trimester. I felt so strongly baby was the boy I had always dreamed of. Treated myself to a 12 week private scan (my doctor's office refuses to do NT scans), and baby was going crazy like a little ninja! Jumped spread eagle, and we got the shot. Everyone swore they could see boy parts. I knew it was 12 weeks, and they're all supposed to look the same at that point. But part of me said that they didn't usually get shots like that, either. My entire family was convinced it was a boy, and I was so happy. They were disappointed. My parents only have one granddaughter out of all their grandchildren, and she's 15.

So imagine my surprise at my 16 week gender scan when that pickle had disappeared, and all we saw were three little lines and the tech typing "IT'S A GIRL!!!" on the frame.

The first words out of my mouth were, "At least my mom will be happy!" I'm kind of ashamed of that now.



Now, I *know* there are tons of girls in this world that aren't girly-girls. Clearly, because I am/was one. But when you walk into a baby store, all you see in the girl's section is pink pink pink. And if it's not pink, it's got frills or lace on it. Barf.

The way I see it, I only have two futures at this point:

A tomboy like me who gets mercilessly tortured by her female peers for her entire childhood like I did for not fitting in with the status-quo. OR, a girly-girl who loves all of these things, who I will be totally and completely unable to relate to.

I feel like I can handle the first option. I lived it. I can relate to it. I can help with that. I can help her understand she doesn't need the approval of these vain girls to be the most amazing little warrior she can be.

But the second option scares the hell out of me. It's like... What if I end up living with my own worst childhood enemy? I'm truly afraid I won't be able to be a good mother to a girly-girl.



Any advice?


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## aimee-lou

I am probably the last person to give advice on this as the reason I'm here in this section is because I desperately wanted my DS3 to be a boy. I, like you am not girly in the slightest. I would not know what to do with a female if one were given to me. I don't have the best of luck with female pets and tbh, I'm much more of a boy mum. I have been lucky, and got my boys (I wasn't too fussed with the first 2, but with DS2 definitely preferred the boy option, and with DS3 had full on anxiety over it.)

I have recently however come to believe that a girl would be the person she is born to be. We cannot guarantee that we will like our children. Of course we'll love them, but personalities are the unknown quantity in this equation. However, I also believe that role-models have a lot to answer for. There are times when my eldest comes home from school spouting some rubbish that he's heard from his friends at school. I will talk to him, try to guide him as best I can, and ultimately it's up to him, but I know that I as his parent will be the largest influence on him in his early life and beyond. If I were to get a girl she may well enjoy the frills and pink that will be foisted on her by society (I agree, it's horrid!) but I also know that will 3 boys in the house already, a father who is into Ice-hockey and scuba diving, and me for a mum who can barely put on mascara and one wears a skirt to weddings, she's going to have a rough-and-tumble side to her come what may. 

Children are a product of so many factors. Your child will be the person they will be, and you can only do your best as a parent to allow that to happen. Congratulations on your little girl. 

On a side note, I also decided on a name I really really really like. Hubby also likes it, so now I know that if I do get a girl she will have a name full of strength to take her through life. This really helped me, and I can truthfully say that while I'm highly unlikely to have another now, and would still probably prefer another boy purely for an easy life (ha ha yeah lol) a girl would not be the end of the world like it was during my pregnancy with DS3. I totally get the whole family thing too - may mum and mil would be totally over the moon about a baby girl. They're both desperate for one!! It's annoying! lol


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## motherofboys

A few years ago I hated pink. I was the least girly girl around. I swore that 'when' I had my daughter she wouldn't ever wear pink or frills. I hoped I'd get a couple of boys first. 
Now I've got 4 boys and am so desperate for a bit of pink and frills in my life. 
Whoever she is you will learn to embrace it, you will learn along with her. 
My friend is a girly girl and was thrilled when she had a daughter as her first, she's now 5 and not very girly at all. Even with that super girly influence in her life. She wanted a boy 2nd time round and ended up with another girl. She's been able to see the bright side and said maybe she will get her girly girl now.


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## GingerPanda

I will love her, even if she's a girly girl. But I hope she's happy in our super nerdy house! :haha:


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## motherofboys

I'm sure she will be. You will be her biggest influence in her early years. And who's to say she cabt be girly and nerdy ;)


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## BlingyGal

I'm late to the party but wanted to say she could be both! I was like that growing up. Super sporty and athletic, I loved transformers but I loved my Barbie dolls too. My niece is also like me, she's the girl wearing a pink party dress in rubber boots and racing down a steep, single track path on her pedal-less bike (I wish I could share the video!) She's fearless! Shes also only 3 years old but more brave and tough than any of the boys. I love that my niece gets to be exactly how she wants. Girly and tough and curious about everything. It's us adults that tell kids they can only be one way or another.


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## Bevziibubble

I have a girl and she is not girly in the slightest! She loves football and has been able to kick a ball with skill from a young age. Everyone who meets her says what skill she will have and how she will be a footballer one day! I haven't done anything to influence her interests either way, it's just the way she has turned out! She does like dolls but soon gets bored and prefers football and cars!


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## Misscalais

Congratulations on a healthy daughter.
Im not a girly girl, i love motor bikes and cars but can still rock a killer pair of heels and a nice dress ( but i refuse to wear pink lol )
Just go with the flow, there are plenty of clothing options for girls and none have to be pink or frills :)


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## Dinah93

I think the lesson to take away from your early experiences is that you need to support her to be herself, rather than to rage against all things feminine just because of the label. From quite an early age I've let my daughter choose clothes in the shops, I never say which side of the store she 'should' be in, ad without fail she goes for something sparkly or floaty. Every morning I ask her if it's a skirt day or a trousers day, in over a year it's only once been a trousers day. She likes to look feminine, but that doesn't make her an airhead. She is extremely good at maths, loves construction toys, she would never chose to spend time indoors if she could be outside climbing or playing in leaves/mud/water. I'm encouraging her to form her own niche, she doesn't have to be 100% girly or 100% anti-girl, she just needs to be happy being who she naturally is. I think most people are the same, for example I don't think I ever wore anything other than heels unless I was in the gym until my first pregnancy, yet I also trained 4 times a week in kickboxing and kali and met my husband on a computer game. Your daughter may come out just like you, she may come out the polar opposite, most likely she'll be somewhere in the middle, but you clearly know what it feels like to have to pretend to be someone you're not if you want to fit in, support your daughter in her choices even if they're not what you would pick for yourself. 

And as for the pink clothes, there are some lovely gender neutral clothes in bright colours, I put both of mine in them but I would tend to have a hat or blanket in pink or blue because I hated people calling my baby 'it'!


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## MyFavSurprise

I personally have my own fears about this as well such as how will I play dolls with her when I was never very girly, though I had dolls..that i threw in the backyard.. it makes me think of my aunt though, who finally got her baby girl after 2 boys and she couldn't wait to put her in frilly dresses and do her hair.. well, my cousin spent most of her childhood naked, she was a natural nudist, she would strip anywhere and wanted nothing to do with dresses especially. I remember her best standing at the beach in a pair of shorts and no shirt watching the surfers. Anyway, even though my aunt did not get the girly girl she hoped for and they were opposites, they have an awesome relationship and always have


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## minties

We don't have any frills in this house . Both of my kids like ninja turtles and lego above all else. Sophie hates any sort of doll. I think we have influenced her quite strongly. That is Sophie in my avatar as a small toddler, dressed how she pleases, in "boys" clothes.

It honestly doesn't matter all that much once your child is around anyway, you get pretty tollerant of what they enjoy because their happiness pleases you so much.


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## GingerPanda

We are pretty excited about it now! Hubs has admitted that he also finds dolls very creepy, so hopefully we will be able to influence at least this one thing. She has a ton of stuffed animals already. :haha:


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## AllyTiel

I think your kids tend to be more interested in things you show them to be interesting, or what you direct them to. My daughter loves to wear a dress, loves a new necklace, but she REALLY loves bugs. She loves every bug she sees and picks them up. :dohh: it grosses me out. She loves animals, hates dolls. Won't play with them. Thankfully cause dolls always creeped me out! She's a mix of girly girly and tomboy


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## Tasha

I'm glad you are more excited. I wanted to say she won't be a Tom-boy or a girly girl to you, she won't be a stereotype at all, she'll just be the little girl who makes you laugh, the one you hold as she cries and that your heart couldn't love any more. When it's your little one, it doesn't matter what their interests are but just that you get to share in it because it makes them happy xx


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## vermeil

There is a strong push for more neutral toys and clothes. The waves of pink and frills make me want to barf. I strongly dislike gender stereotypes. I tried to find a dollhouse for my son that wasn't pink. Forget it!! I was so annoyed! He loves playing with figurines and furniture. I ended up making our own.

We're a geeky, Lego and transformers and videogames family too! We steer clear of pink and disney anything. Yuck no thank you ;)


You can 'vote with your money" as they say and encourage stores who are more neutral or balanced.


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## katherinegrey

I am very girly. Make up, dresses, shoes and shopping included. 
However, I love science and maths comes easy to me, I love reading and the things I love to read best are fantasy novels. 
I was ruthlessly bullied for being a 'geek' and being a 'know it all'. 
Being girly is no guarantee she won't be tormented. Being girly is just a portion of my personality. I'm certainly not vain or shallow or an airhead. The portion I was bullied for was the piece people chose to pick out and torment. The fact for my 9th birthday I asked for and got a working microscope, complete with Petri dishes and slides for experiments. I'm still proud of childhood me, as I'm sure you are of yourself. Just as you'll be proud of your daughter, because you'll find something for certain you love, even if it's never dresses!


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## vermeil

katherinegrey said:


> I am very girly. Make up, dresses, shoes and shopping included.
> However, I love science and maths comes easy to me, I love reading and the things I love to read best are fantasy novels.
> I was ruthlessly bullied for being a 'geek' and being a 'know it all'.
> Being girly is no guarantee she won't be tormented. Being girly is just a portion of my personality. I'm certainly not vain or shallow or an airhead. The portion I was bullied for was the piece people chose to pick out and torment. The fact for my 9th birthday I asked for and got a working microscope, complete with Petri dishes and slides for experiments. I'm still proud of childhood me, as I'm sure you are of yourself. Just as you'll be proud of your daughter, because you'll find something for certain you love, even if it's never dresses!

*cheers* well said


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