# Who's the father...?



## sh0rtiee6o4

Hello everyone! :)

So I'm 31 weeks and 2 days pregnant. My expected due date is on November 28th. I'm pretty excited and nervous plus all these other emotions combined!
I have a little situation though. I currently am with my boyfriend and we are sexually active. I was on the depo birthcontrol shot and still got pregnant. At some point in the relationship I did have sex with another guy, but it was only once and he didn't ejactulate inside of me. I'm just really scared who the father of the baby may be.
Who could the father be?


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## Mummy1995

It's unlikely that it's the other guy but I'd get a DNA test once baby is here to be sure. Does your OH know about it? Congrats by the way x


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## sh0rtiee6o4

Thanks, but he doesn't know about it. And I know I should tell him. I'm really scared to :(


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## xforuiholdonx

Really depends. Can you use your due date as a helpful hint? Like.count back? were you having sex with both at the same time? Like within the same week i.mean? Youll need a dna test to.know for sure if.you had sex witg them.both in the same cycle, and you need to tell your boyfriend. :hugs: congratulationsbon your pregnancy


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## sh0rtiee6o4

Thank you! I have tried to calculate when I had sex with the other guy but I really have a bad memory of when it actually happened :/


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## Mummy1995

Definitely tell your boyfriend hun. I know it'll be hard but you need to know the truth for your baby so they can know for sure who their dad is :) hugs hun. Must be a hard situation to be in xx


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## ClairAye

Sounds like it is your boyfriends, but a DNA is the only way to know as you did have sex, the pull out 'method' isn't reliable.

Plus you do need to let your boyfriend know, like a PP said, you need to know the truth for the sake of your baby :hugs:

Congratulations on your pregnancy too :flower:


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## brandonsgirl

Congratulations on your pregnancy. 

I do agree with the others though, you need to tell your current boyfriend that you slept with someone else. It isn't fair on him, you or the baby. 
Does the other guy know that you're pregnant and that the baby could be his? Yeah, a slim chance but a chance none the less. 

Honestly really is the best policy, not only does your LO deserve to know who the daddy is... but guilt is terrible for a relationship as well. 
As soon as baby is here, you can get a DNA test done and know for sure!


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## daneuse27

Is there any way you could get the other guy to agree to a paternity test without having to tell your boyfriend?


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## x__amour

daneuse27 said:


> Is there any way you could get the other guy to agree to a paternity test without having to tell your boyfriend?

I think her boyfriend should know anyways. Honesty is always the key in relationships.

Good luck OP! Hope everything works out for you. And November babies are the best! :D


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## daneuse27

x__amour said:


> daneuse27 said:
> 
> 
> Is there any way you could get the other guy to agree to a paternity test without having to tell your boyfriend?
> 
> I think her boyfriend should know anyways. Honesty is always the key in relationships.
> 
> Good luck OP! Hope everything works out for you. And November babies are the best! :DClick to expand...

I totally respect what you're saying, and I believe in honesty too. I think the boyfriend should definitely know, I just meant maybe it would be best to not tell him until after the birth so that the stress of the fight they may have as a result doesn't cause any stress to her body or the baby. (I dont know too much about that stuff anyway, so it might not do any harm either way.) Waiting until afterwards to tell him might be unfair too, because meanwhile, her boyfriend is investing time and planning his life around the fact that he's going to be a dad. And if this baby isn't his, he deserves to know asap. 

OP - its a personal question, and you dont have to answer, but were you using protection with the other guy? Reason being, because if you didnt, there's definitely more chance it could be his. But I hope Im wrong.


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## brandonsgirl

In my personal opinion i wouldn't wait until after the baby is due. Everyone will have their own opinion so no disrespect to the other poster. But i think its a little mean to allow your bf to bond with the baby all through the pregnancy, watch the baby be born and then gain an even stronger bond with the baby to then be devastated by a blow that the baby might not be his. 

At least if your up front now, he can make his own informed decision to whether he will stay with you whilst you're pregnant and be there for the baby even if he isn't the dad. Of course it wont be easy, and it will most likely take him a while to get used to the idea and come around. But whats the alternative.. the above where he bonds etc? I just couldn't do that to my DH :nope:

Not to mention it will be harder for you to tell him after the baby is born, and baby will be bonding with him also. Like i said, just my opinion. I'm not judging, just offering a little insight as to how i would go about the situation.


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## ClairAye

brandonsgirl said:


> In my personal opinion i wouldn't wait until after the baby is due. Everyone will have their own opinion so no disrespect to the other poster. But i think its a little mean to allow your bf to bond with the baby all through the pregnancy, watch the baby be born and then gain an even stronger bond with the baby to then be devastated by a blow that the baby might not be his.
> 
> At least if your up front now, he can make his own informed decision to whether he will stay with you whilst you're pregnant and be there for the baby even if he isn't the dad. Of course it wont be easy, and it will most likely take him a while to get used to the idea and come around. But whats the alternative.. the above where he bonds etc? I just couldn't do that to my DH :nope:
> 
> Not to mention it will be harder for you to tell him after the baby is born, and baby will be bonding with him also. Like i said, just my opinion. I'm not judging, just offering a little insight as to how i would go about the situation.

Exactly this!


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## Ellie.

If you can cheat on your boyfriend you can tell him. Your feelings obviously weren't that strong for him when you slept with another man so it shouldn't be that hard for you to break his heart. What's the point in letting him bond and fall in love with a baby when it may not be his? Not to mention how it will affect you child if it all comes out further down the line. Be honest and good luck.


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## archangel24

I had a friend who thought her father was one guy until she was 24 years old! That guy also though he was the Dad. She found out via a family friend that the guy she thought was her father wasn't 100% the only person that could have fathered her. She asked her Mom who confessed that it was the truth. My friend found her biological Dad with her Moms help and she now has a relationship with him. I couldn't imagine this happening to myself, thinking one guy was my Dad my whole life and he wasn't. If it was just one time of Unprotected sex he is probably not the Dad but you need to find out. How serious are you and your boyfriend? Do you think he is going to leave you if he finds out?


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## tinkerbelle93

Ah what a tough situation! If you did only sleep with this other guy once and used withdrawal (which isn't very effective but reduces the chances nonetheless) then it's way more likely your OH is the baby's father, but there is always that teeny little niggling chance. I think you definitely need to tell him as soon as possible, the later you leave it the worse it will be. Hopefully your OH will be able to understand it was a one-off mistake and forgive you. He might be really hurt and angry first but at least he has time to think about it and not be confronted with a potential shock after the birth. And, if he does forgive you, at least you will not have secrets from eachother which makes for a better relationship in general. See it as a fresh start. Good luck hun :hugs: xx


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## KLove

I understand you have all theses emotions and your scared of what could happen to your relationship. Honest is the best policy but these are the type of things that can make or break your relationship. There's test you can buy online all you need is a hair sample from your bf and ur baby or a swab of the mouth. You send in the samples and they get tested. Everything is in descreat packaging. Your a girl we're sneaky and have creative ways to get around things so we dont start a fire. Not that Ive ever been in this situation I dont know your circumstances but I dont condone cheating if that is what happened, Like i said i dont know your story. But if you choose to do a private DNA test with out your boyfriend knowing and it comes back hes the father then there is no need to start a war. Good Luck!!


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## brandonsgirl

I may be slightly naive here, but wouldn't her bf need to give his consent for the DNA test if they are checking his DNA?


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## KLove

you can buy kits online swab his mouth while hes sleeping do the same to the baby and send it in to a lab takes a week or 2 to get the results, the guy dont have to know


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## brandonsgirl

Like I said, everyone will have their own opinion as they are rightly entitled too. But I do think doing the dna test behind his back is wrong. Not only would he have then completely bonded with the baby by that point like I said in the previous post BUT its completely dishonest. Dont you think there has been enough deceit and lies already. Should she really be going behind his back again especially with something so enormous like whether a child is his or not?! 

Besides what would happen if it turns out that the baby ISNT his. What then? Oh babe I have some thing to tell you. Not only did I go behind your back and sleep with someone else, lie to you about it and then let you believe the baby was yours for 9 months, have you go through the birth with me and watch you hold your baby son or daughter. As if that wasn't enough I then secretly done a dna test without your consent and guess what, turns out that sweet little baby you have come to love and adore isnt actually yours. 

Sounds a bit harsh doesn't it? Honestly should the original poster not just come clean and accept responsibility without the guilt for the rest of the pregnancy rather then continue to spin a web of lies?


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## daneuse27

You're right brandonsgirl. I was wrong for suggesting she go behind his back again. We don't know the full story, so there might be more to it- but this is a huge thing and could complicate the poor baby's life if its not dealt with honestly from the start.


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## brandonsgirl

daneuse27 said:


> You're right brandonsgirl. I was wrong for suggesting she go behind his back again. We don't know the full story, so there might be more to it- but this is a huge thing and could complicate the poor baby's life if its not dealt with honestly from the start.

Thank you for seeing my point of view. I do hope the original poster makes the right decision for her baby, herself AND her bf.


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## Lucy139

IMO you should have told your current boyfriend already about the other guy he's been thinking for the last 30 odd weeks he is the father!!! Obviously i don't know the full story but Weather you tell him before or after the baby is born it sounds like a bad situation... DNA is the only way to be sure hope you get it sorted soon x


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## Mummy1995

I'm almost 100% sure it's illegal to do a DNA test without the persons consent. The same way someone would need your consent to DNA your child. It'll be hard to come clean but honestly the best thing. I couldn't deal with the what if? You have to find out for your baby's sake or this might bite you in the bum in years to come x


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## skyesmom

archangel24 said:


> I had a friend who thought her father was one guy until she was 24 years old! That guy also though he was the Dad. She found out via a family friend that the guy she thought was her father wasn't 100% the only person that could have fathered her. She asked her Mom who confessed that it was the truth. My friend found her biological Dad with her Moms help and she now has a relationship with him. I couldn't imagine this happening to myself, thinking one guy was my Dad my whole life and he wasn't. If it was just one time of Unprotected sex he is probably not the Dad but you need to find out. How serious are you and your boyfriend? Do you think he is going to leave you if he finds out?

...after 24 years of life, the man she knew as her father IS her father to all effects... no matter who biologically contributed to conceiving her. but still it must be devastating for both.


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## archangel24

I completely agree skyesmom!


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## brandonsgirl

It would be interesting to hear how the original poster is doing to deal with the situation now...


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## sh0rtiee6o4

To everyone :

Yes, I know I should be honestly and come clean to my boyfriend, and I have. Of course he's angry at me and he has the right to be since I did something wrong. As of now, all I could do is give him the space he needs to cool off. Posting about this, all I really wanted to know your guys opinion on who could the father possibly be.


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## daneuse27

Good for you for doing the right thing. :hugs: It took courage to come clean, and it will be hard for a while but you've saved a lot of heartache and pain from happening later on. 

As for who the father is - it depends on if you used protection with the other guy. If you didn't use protection, then its still possibly that some of his semen could have gone inside you even if he didn't ejaculate. He also could have ejaculated without telling you (although you'd be likely to notice.)

It also depends on when the sex happened with that other guy. Can you try to refresh your memory somehow to figure out when it was? Even if you connect the memory to other events- what else was happening in your life close to when you slept with him? Sometimes I look over facebook messages to figure out dates for things. Maybe you could try that?


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## onceisenough1

I would say your bf is the father.


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## sh0rtiee6o4

daneuse27 said:


> Good for you for doing the right thing. :hugs: It took courage to come clean, and it will be hard for a while but you've saved a lot of heartache and pain from happening later on.
> 
> As for who the father is - it depends on if you used protection with the other guy. If you didn't use protection, then its still possibly that some of his semen could have gone inside you even if he didn't ejaculate. He also could have ejaculated without telling you (although you'd be likely to notice.)
> 
> It also depends on when the sex happened with that other guy. Can you try to refresh your memory somehow to figure out when it was? Even if you connect the memory to other events- what else was happening in your life close to when you slept with him? Sometimes I look over facebook messages to figure out dates for things. Maybe you could try that?

It was unprotected with the other guy. I really wish I could remember when it happened but sadly I don't... I have tried looking through my old msgs with him but I deleted them already.


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## brandonsgirl

You did good doing the right thing. I cant imagine it was easy for you. But at least now everything's out in the open and your bf can make an informed decision on how he goes about things now.

If you didn't use protection with the other guy then its more 50/50. You may of had sex with your bf many more times, however it only takes the one time at the right time to catch the egg. As the other poster mentioned - his pre cum could still have been inside you. Its a tricky situation I know, but now you have fussed up, maybe it's best not to worry about the dna until ypu can actually test.


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## Mummy1995

You should be really proud of yourself for coming clean :) try not to stress now. There's nothing you can do and stress isn't good for you and bub. Just wait until baby is born and get a DNA test done straight away :) I hope you get the answer you want though x


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## skyesmom

congrats for the courage to come clean and say everything! that's a damn tough thing to do! 
i have a feeling the baby is your boyfriends'... 
if you already deleted your facebook messages and so on, try to remember the time of the year at least: was it winter and xmas time? was it already 2013 or it was december 2012? st valentine's, easter, any birthdays or anything significant around the time you dated this guy?

does any of your friends know about this? if yes, can they maybe remember the time?


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## DivaMommy2Be

In sure that was very hard but in my opinion you did the right thing. 

As to who is the father? I told my hubby I wanted to stop having sex for the last 8 weeks before our wedding to make it special. We waited as long as we could but I got pregnant by having sex just once in 8 weeks. I know that's not quite the same as you, I'm just meaning it really only takes one time to be the right time. 

So nobody could know who the dad is without knowing the date that you slept with your bf, the other guy, and your ovulation dates and if anything went inside you. It wouldn't have to be loads of sperm to give you a chance of conceiving at the right time of the month. It's 50/50 IMO. 

Good luck and I hope it works out for you hun xx


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## Rayleen

I have a similar situation if someone would please help me and give me their opinion on my post?


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## brandonsgirl

Rayleen said:


> I have a similar situation if someone would please help me and give me their opinion on my post?

If i was you, I would be taking a DNA test for your child and then a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side. I honestly think that if you are having doubts or worries about who the father is, then do a dna test. That's really the only sure way of finding out.


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## AirForceWife7

Among everything going on in your situation, I just have to commend you for telling him the truth. You did the right thing, and I know it couldn't have been easy!

Try and look at it this way - you're one step closer to finding out who the father is, and that's your main goal. I hope it all works out for you :)


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## aqualung

Edited by Moderator



> While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.


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## archangel24

They baby would most likely be your bf... Next time please make sure you use a protection method though... What if you had contracted something and passed it on to your bf? That would be so unfair....


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## Night Flower

They do provide DNA tests during pregnancy. Theyll just take some amniotic fluid and youll immediately know who is the father. You don't have to wait until birth.


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