# 7/29/11 my baby jayvian left me to become an angel.



## angel jayvian

A week from today was the worse day of my life lost my baby boy at 21 weeks.
I will share my story when im ready. im so sad :cry:


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## katie21188

Hey I know exactly how you feel :( I lost my baby girls Ella and Lilly 2 weeks ago. I was 22 weeks along :( So sorry for your loss xoxo


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## mdjoy

I am sorry you had to join this group also. When your ready this site really is a good place to share your story, their are alot of woman who can relate to how you feel here. Well at least that is how I feel. :hugs:


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## collie_crazy

Take your time :hugs: We will all be here for you when you feel ready to share your story and your precious baby boy.


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## Andypanda6570

It's sad to say , but we all know how you feel. :cry::cry::cry:
I am so deeply sorry for your loss :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: We are all here ready to listen when you are ready to tell your story xoxoxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

I am so sorry to hear about your precious little boy.

I have found so much comfort from speaking to others on here, we are all here for you when you are ready to talk...

xx


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## CatherineK

So sorry for your loss....


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## kam78

Welcome unfortunately.... You take your time and go at your Own pace with everything! I have learn that... While you see everyone else dusting themselves off and moving along, you will more than likely take a lot more time.... No right or No wrong way babe....

Whenever YOU are ready, we are always here... To listen, to show support, advice or just to give ya some much needed love... Xoxo

Big Hugs to you my dear!! 

(My Emma was taken from me about 4 months ago, and I am just NOW trying to live life, I'm not gonna sugar coat it, I fake it thru the majority of my day BUT I have found myself lately not faking it as much : ) ... So, babe... Time is the only healer... Xoxo


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## jojo23

so sorry hun i lost my little girl Lily at 22 weeks... whenever your ready to share we're all here xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## angel jayvian

Thank you ladies. im glad I found this site...I just want to know what happen ,everything was fine untill I started feeling pain 7/23/11 I didnt know how contractions felt because it was my first pregnancy but something told me I was having contractions. I decided to go to the ER when I got there the doctor told me I was 4 cm dilated with bulging membrane my whole world came crushing down. They took me to the delivery room thinking I was going into labor but I didn't .i was,in the hospital for about a week hoping for the best even thou the doctors told me over and over im not going to make it that made me feel worse :(. When one night I notice I was leaking the doctor check and told me it was the Amniotic fluid,the next day I stop leaking, the doctor did a s/n and told me his lil leg was already in my vagina he was very low already and she told me that might be the reason why I stop leaking.that made me smile a bit I said to myself he is in dere fighting with mum to survive..I continue fighting for my babies life. I was on bed rest for that whole week trying to make it to 24 weeks to save my baby . When all my hopes came to an end what I fear the most happen .while I was sleeping I felt the fluid coming down I was just sad knowing it was the end.the s\n showed very little fluid his heartbeat was still strong .they took me to the deliveryroom .there I was in aroom where woman go to experience the worse pain but then to hear their babys cry makes it all worth it .but there I was In pain to then feel the worse pain of them all saying hello and goodbye at the same time. There he was in my arms my first love my perfect lil boy so cute so innocent. I didnt want to let go I, wanted to keep him in my arms .was there something I could of done to still have you here with me Jayvian... I know is alot to read I just needed to let it all out and sorry forallthe type os im on my phone soits hard...


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## jojo23

awe hun im so sorry you had to go through all that!!! it honestly is the saddest time of your life i cant lie about that and i know its the last thing you want to hear but everyday gets a little bit easier!

we all know too well the grief that consumes you in those first weeks/months! ive never felt anything like it in my life, but everyday i had to remind myself that i would never have changed getting pregnant with my daughter...even though it ended so terribly and sadly i would never wish it hadnt because id never know what it feels like to be a mother!

even though we dont have our babies in our arms we will always be mothers!

i can only hope the next few weeks are as smooth as they can be for you and that you have lots of support! cry whenever you need and scream and shout, put yourself first and lean on family and friends,...even though you might not want to talk right now they'll be there when you do!

the ladies here are so wonderful and supportive and you can literally say anything to them without judgement!!!!

i wish i could take away this pain for you and im so sorry you find yourself here.... ill be thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## angel jayvian

Thats exactly how I feel jojo 23 ...ppl tell me oh Im sorry i know you always wanted to be a mother. And I say but iam a mother I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy , even thou he isnt with me he is still my son and im his mom. I just wish one day god blesses me with lil brother/ sister for Jayvian .he will always be in my heart and memories and he will always be my first love.


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## angel jayvian

katie21188 said:


> Hey I know exactly how you feel :( I lost my baby girls Ella and Lilly 2 weeks ago. I was 22 weeks along :( So sorry for your loss xoxo

Hey thanx I read your story and its similar to mine im sorry :( I was 21 weeks with bulging membrane that made me go into labour im confused I just want to know why that happend.


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## jojo23

exactly hun we're all mothers! just to angels....

i think the worst thing for me was people kept saying ah your young you'll have another...like babies are disposable or something! it really bothered me and i used to get so angry about it until my OH said look they dont know how you feel and thank god they dont as we wouldnt wish it on anyone! only someone who has lost a baby will ever know how it feels.

i was very angry in the first few weeks, even people who i thought were friends stayed away! i could have screamed and everyone kept saying oh maybe they dont know what to say, but to this day i will tell them a friend who stands beside you and says the wrong thing is a million times better than a friend who isnt there to say anything!!

im TTC at the moment and i cant believe how difficult it is, its really opened my eyes i never would have thought it would be like this! i apprecaite so much more the miracle of getting pregnant and having a healthy baby it truely is something beyond any of us! 

i really hope you get a little brother or sister for Jayvian! and i hope our little angels are together playing just as we're all together grieving for them! and i always find a little bit of comfort in knowing im not alone here .........

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx thinking of you and Jayvian xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Lisa1981

So sorry to read of your loss.


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## Irish Baby

:cry: :cry: so sorry for your loss babe :cry: :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

So sorry for your loss, I know how you feel, pretty similar thing happened to me last week. It's so awful. We are all here for each other, sweetie, let out whatever you can. xxx


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## Andypanda6570

Thank you telling your story. You are SO right you are a mom and you have a beautiful son also :hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so sorry this happened to you, we all understand believe me and you will go throguh a lot of emotions in the coming months. I lost my Ava at 18 weeks I gave birth to her in my bathroom and we buried her on 3/11/2011 it's been 5 months and I still am not ok, but I am getting there , my due date was yesterday. I went to her grave let some balloons go and cried my eyes out :cry::cry::cry:. I need to let her go now and try to accept things, I just am so changed from all of this, i am not the same person I was, i wish I could get my life back but I don't think I ever will be able to be whole again.
Time will ease our pain but for me my heart will always have a little piece broken off. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## angel jayvian

Iam so sorry for your loss huns. Wow in you bathroom . What happen?...I know exactly what you mean I don't think I will ever be the same again. little by little and this sad situation is showin me theres more to life then what I thought ...my friends tell me they want me to be happy and smile like I used to. but is just hard.. I wanted my first baby with me. How can I be happy? the things that used to make me happy doesn't interest me anymore .so now what ? What is going make me happy again I ask myself?


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## DueSeptember

:hugs:


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## jehovahisgood

Hi
As I was reading your story, I felt your pain because I ve lost my baby boy on july 12th, 2011. At 22 weeks. Altough I do not post on this site but I m always on it. As a matter of fact I started reading the ladies here when I was trying to conceive. SO I went from sharing my pregnancy news on my profile to now sharing this sad story:

I just started vomiting on july 11 th. I felt something on my vagina. And some pain. so I went straight to the hospital. When I got there the doctor told me that he can see the baby flotting because my cervix was completely open and I will eventually lose the baby. 

I was transfert immediatly into a delivery room. But I still had hope. In the morning the contractions woke me up and my water broke. It was 7 am. I had so much pain that they had to administer an epidural (it was around 3pm). At 8:30 pm, I delivered my angel Emmanuel. It s still hard. I think the worst day for me was the day after I went home. When I woke up it sinked in that I wasn t pregnant anymore.

Oh and I couldn t stand staying at the hospital listening to the other women in labor and seeing the nurses carrying the babies. The best thing is talking, it helped me a lot. before I would just bust in tears and go to my room. Now I talk about it. ANd it helps a lot. 

You can inbox me anytime. we can yahoo, or even talk on the phone. ANd yes we are mothers.


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## le_annek

So sorry to read about your loss xxx


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## Jox

im so very sorry for your loss :hugs: x


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