# 36 weeks and considering requesting a home birth over elective section



## Armywife

First of all i just want to say i really don't want any patronising, pushy comments here, i just want honest, straightforward advice.

I had an horrific birth with my daughter, i was induced due to pre eclampsia and ended up having a forceps delivery which was performed incorrectly, due to this my pelvis was permanently damaged and i ended up with a 3rd (almost 4th) degree tear and a 2nd degree episiotomy AND grazing. I have nightmares about Poppy's birth and was diagnosed with pnd when she was 3 months old and ptsd when she was 8 months old. I don't remember holding her for the first time, i was so distressed and tired i didn't want to even look at her.

When i found out i was pregnant this time i was petrified, when i first saw my consultant he suggested a section straight away and i gratefully accepted. He didn't seem to want me to have a natural birth, in fact he advised against it due to my mental health from last pregnancy and my pelvic problems.

The more i look into sections the more i don't want one. I have been researching them since before i got pregnant this time so am fully informed and have been since i agreed to it. What i'm finding is i don't like the look of section births, i want to be fully aware and alert this time, sections look totally detached and i am so scared of missing that bonding experience with this baby too.

To be honest i am more scared of the hospital (particularly the ward) than i am of giving birth. I am having lots of problems with them now which is further knocking my confidence in them which is why i'm starting to consider a home birth. 

Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated :flower:


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## Mervs Mum

Why would you be expecting patronising or pushy comments? I'm a bit taken aback with that opening line :(


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## Bournefree

Whoa, me too! We are all really nice people here, just trying to support each other.

I'm not really sure what you are asking...?

There are certainly ladies here who have had a huge emotional journey with their first births - Mums who had intrumental deliveries, emercency c-section etc.. and these ladies are planning on natural births, if not mostly due to their previous experiences. So you are not alone there.

You might find it a little bit of a struggle to get your MW on board with a Homebirth with an obstetric history of PE. However, all pregnancies are very different, and I'm sure they have more than a close eye on your blood pressure.. so you can assess this at the time of labour. There are no let or allowed in homebirth, so if it is something that you are much more comfortable with than hospital, then I can see it would be great for you - as getting the birth you want has so much to do with being relaxed, and if you're more relax at home, it will certainly help your labour and birth be an enjoyable experience.

My advice (I don't know if your asking for it??) would be to talk to the other ladies here who have had similar experiances; though you might want to start with a better first line, if you want them to open up to you!?
Also talk to your MW about it, and as you are in your 3rd tri, you can start to arrange a home visit with a senior MW and your MW.

I expect that you will be under pressure to either be induced or have a c-section if you go over your estimated due date... but then if all is well, there really isn't a reason for it. Take each step on evidence, and not just on hospital policy.

Keep well - and watch that blood pressure Mrs! Have you got any relaxation techniques you can use? ;-)


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## 2ndtimeAbz

I don't think you have anything to worry about with poeple being patronising or pushy in this forum, they're about the most supportive and informative people I've spoken too! :)

From what I know (which isn't much!) I'd say that if u see the hospital environment as somewhere thats going to cause you great stress/panic/ lack of control it's definately a place to avoid! It sounds like you had a awful birthing experience first time around, alot of people on here considering a homebirth have had bad past experiences and are looking for a birth thats puts them back in control of their own body :)

It's never too late to consider it, I'd give the birth stories in this forum a read if it is something ur interested in, and people are always here ready to answer any questions or just give reassurance :).

Good luck! :)

xx


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## Mum2MJ

Hi Armywife, I've read some of your posts before so know that your first birth was pretty traumatic. I hope nothing I say upsets you because that isn't my intention.. Have you asked the question if a natural birth is even possible because of the pelvic injuries you rec'd? Will a vaginal birth bring back distressing memories/be more painful bearing in mind the lack of pain relief with a HB? Are you likely to do more damage to your pelvis by trying a vaginal birth? Could a CS actually help you bond because you won't associate it with your previous birth and you can prepare fully for it etc- lots of women bond successfully with their LO's after a CS?
Also, if it's the hospital putting you off, I'm pretty sure you can transfer to a different hospital? Anyway, these are some of the questions I would be asking myself/ consultants/midwives etc. I really hope you find the answers you're looking for, big hugs x


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## Armywife

It was not meant to offend in any way I have asked a similar question in another part of the forum a good while ago and was instantly shot down for being grateful to be offered a section and also for not thinking about it further before getting pregnant. I was also basically told that i should absolutely want a natural birth which is why i started with the line i did. I didn't want to end up as hurt as i was previously and spending an evening justifying my choices and feelings to people when all i wanted was a little advice. One of the women who upset me back then is no longer on here but still, it's something that really hurt me at the time. 

Sorry for any offence caused, it seems when it comes to this subject i will always put my foot in it somehow.


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## chuck

First of all it's not too late to decide to have aHB if you want one.

I had a pretty rough time after Dewi was born but I cannot pretend it was the same as you, I've decided to HB this time around as I feel it gives me the best chance of having a VBAC. I really didnt want to go to hospital in the first place let alone end up with a EMCS and a bad one at that.

Have you had a debrief about your previous birth with a senior MW going through your notes or seen a counsellor at all to help you come to terms with what happened a little more with the previous experience?

It's never too late to help yourself use your previous birth as a positive tool to encourage yourself to have a more positive time no matter what the outcome.

You will need to find a supportive MW - nothing worse than having someone unsupportive by your side when you need support more than anything.

Would you be allowed to birth in a birth centre rather than a hospital perhaps? In all honestly there's nothing they can do there that cannot be done at home but mentally it may provide a bit of a middle ground. Being more like home but more in the hands of the professionals.

You have to do what is right for you and only you can make that decision, we can point you in the direction of many stories and facts and figures but you need to sit down and decide are you changing your mind about where to birth as you honestly feel it is the best thing to do for you and baby or do you want to avoid a particular set of circumstances - bear in mind that every pregnancy and labour will be very different.

For starters have a look at these posts in a very good blog...
https://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=2145
https://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?p=2312


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## KandyKinz

Armywife said:


> It was not meant to offend in any way I have asked a similar question in another part of the forum a good while ago and was instantly shot down for being grateful to be offered a section and also for not thinking about it further before getting pregnant. I was also basically told that i should absolutely want a natural birth which is why i started with the line i did. I didn't want to end up as hurt as i was previously and spending an evening justifying my choices and feelings to people when all i wanted was a little advice. One of the women who upset me back then is no longer on here but still, it's something that really hurt me at the time.
> 
> Sorry for any offence caused, it seems when it comes to this subject i will always put my foot in it somehow.

OH hun, don't worry about the initial comments.... We're not like the tri girls.... we're a 'different' type of people here who believe that it's the woman's ultimate choice to make the decisions in her care so I imagine the thought that someone would think we'd instantanously judge them for considering their options came as an initial shock :shock:

Anyways, I'm terribly sorry you were put into this situation. My mind would be all over the place if I were you. There are certainly many disadvantages and risks to cesareans and ultimately if they can be avoided then by all means do so but there's times when the benefits of having one can outweigh the risks and unfortunately in some cases weighing the two to determine which is the ultimate best answer is not so cut and dry.

I've said it before that I'm really not pro-cesarean but given your history I do see it as a suitable and appropriate option. With that said I also think it's completely reasonable for you to take the homebirth route. Is there a risk that you'll tear badly again or even worse then before??? definitly.... Is there a chance that you could have this baby with no tearing at all???? definitly! Because there have been women out there who have recovered from serious tears and have gone on to have completely normal vaginal births experiencing no tearing or just a typical 2nd degree laceration and there's certainly a chance that should you try for a vaginal delivery that you could too be one of those women. But the only way to find out which way it would go is to give it a try and only you can decide whether or not your willing to take that risk. 

And if you do decide for a home delivery or even a hospital vaginal delivery there are definitly things you can do to make the second stage easier and less likely to harm you eg. Start perineal massage now and continue till you have baby.... Push in a hands and knees position (this takes the pressure off your perineum making tearing less likely) and it also opens the pelvis more which also assists in bringing baby down.... And if baby isn't coming despite your best efforts you can say no forceps or ventrouse this time around and elect for a cesarean at that point.... 

Anyways :hugs: I hope you find comfort in whatever decision you make


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## Mervs Mum

Great advice from the ladies (as always!) so all i will add is this. One thing I think you'll find here is that most of all we are fiercly protective of women's rights to choose what is best for them. Someone once said of me 'if I wanted to give birth on the moon, Lisa would try to arrange a rocket'. So you've probably come to the place you are least likely to feel you have to justify yourself :hugs:


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## Armywife

Thank you for all the advice, we don't have a birth centre anywhere near us unfortunately - that would have been my first choice with Poppy. I am going to call and speak to a senior mw tomorrow and ask what her views are. My consultant isn't the best he is so dismissive and always seems to be rushing you.

*Again i'm so sorry for any offence caused, i'm not at all one for causing friction and it wasn't meant to come across as nasty or even harsh, i probably could have written it another way. One of those 'Internet not getting the right message across' moments! Sorry again, i'm very grateful for all the advice xx*


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## KandyKinz

Don't Apologize! You did nothing wrong and you're more then welcome to hang out here!


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## Armywife

I've missed you KK! Wondered where it was you'd been! I'm wondering if the fact my afl is currently 1.1 is going to affect whether i have a home birth? Although they have known for 4 weeks and i've still not even seen a doctor about it, even though 3 scans have shown it's just falling!x


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## KandyKinz

Armywife said:


> I've missed you KK! Wondered where it was you'd been! I'm wondering if the fact my afl is currently 1.1 is going to affect whether i have a home birth? Although they have known for 4 weeks and i've still not even seen a doctor about it, even though 3 scans have shown it's just falling!x

I've been hiding out over here taking it easy :coffee:

You certainly haven't had it easy this pregnancy have you? :hugs: It's quite strange that they are letting you carry on with such a low afi... 1.1 is quite low especially at your gestation. If anything that is going to act as a barrier between you and a homebirth but since they aren't acting on it now maybe it won't be such an issue :shrug: Anyways, how are you feeling about it? And how far are you from hospital?


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## Mervs Mum

No need to appologise at all. It's do difficult to get the right tone across in text sinetimes isn't it x


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## Mum2MJ

Let us know how you get on, whatever you decide x


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## Nyn

it's never too late to change your birth plan. With ds2 I decided at about 35 weeks that I wanted a homebirth and midwives as opposed to my ob/gyn (I had a horrible medicalised induced birth with ds1). In the end I did go to hospital (group b strep) but waited till the last moment and had my baby with my midwives and the hospital midwife. It was great :p

I'd say go and see a midwife!


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## KittenKat

*also pops her head up*

*hugs Armywife*

Can't add much personally, but I must say this is one of the places that is nice and comfy, a bit like 2nd tri was for a while. The ladies here know their stuff and just lurking in the wings is a comfort.

And to be honset hun I have read in the past what you went hrough with Poppy and if I was you I would rather give birth in the middle of a feild filled with man eating cows than be back where the memories are the harshest. 

I have had 2 hospital births and they went fine, pretty much text book, and a Birth Centre birth which was pretty much by the "book". But I really dislike hospitals for reasons other than birth so this time around I am looking seriously at the homebirth.

Okay rambled a bit there so just more *hugs and welcome cake*


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## PeanutBean

:wave: Hello you. I too have seen you over in the tris and am at least a bit familar with your story. :hugs: I can only really agree with what the others have said. I'm no personal experience in this kind of birth but think you are well within your rights to explore homebirth. I agree that finding out the practicalities about the damage you received will be a good starting point. I can see why you wouldn't want a section and also why you are thinking about the birth as a natural, bonding experience after the detachment and depression your first birth caused. I hope you get positive feedback about being able to VB and if you can I don't see why you shouldn't plan for a HB. If you do get pre-eclampsia again then that can be managed. Perhaps if it's physically feasbile make your plan for your home birth and make another in case of PE. There's no reason for it to have to end in forceps again. I think it will be important for you to find a supportive MW, it can be so disheartening to feel you are fighting the system every step of the way.

On the flip side, if a section does seem to be the most sensible option you can plan for it and ensure that the bonding experience and involvement you have with your baby is the maximum. I think in the case of emergency sections/very traumatic births often the mismatch between the reality of the experience and the original plan is a significant part of the problem (by which I certainly don't mean to imply we should all plan for the worst instead of the best case scenario!). Chuck is our resident expert on rights during section and how to make it a much better experience for the mum.

Keep us posted on how it goes. If at any stage you feel you are being fobbed off with misinformation we are the ladies to come to!


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## Mervs Mum

Saw this clip and thought of you xx

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5RIcaK98Yg&feature=youtube_gdata_player


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## chuck

^^^ah is that the gentle CS stuff?

Sorry cant watch vid right now.

I've posted a few links to gentle CS articles for a few ladies recently in 3rd tri.


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## indigo_fairy

Wow, if anyone has to have a CS that is pretty much as good as it can get :) not rushed, quiet, baby taken slowly (not ripped out) and able to see the birth of baby, skin to skin straight away and not away from mum for long. I wish mine could have been more like that, don't think I'd have been as traumatised as I was and still am actually. I really like all those medical staff, why can't they all be like that!


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## Armywife

Just to let you all know i ended up having my section. When i looked into the facts it would have been too much of a risk for me to do anything else. It wasn't straight forward at all but compared to Poppy's birth it was an amazingly positive experience for me and i'm a very happy lady.

Thanks for all the advice ladies. Here is my birth story if anyone fancies a peek...

https://www.babyandbump.com/birth-s...ositive-elective-c-section-long-bit-gory.html


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## chuck

Wheeeeee I've been waiting for news! 

Hope you're both doing well sweetie!

Glad to hear that despite not everything going to textbook it sounds like you got a birth rather than a delivery.

Happy healing hun, I'm sure you perk up soon enough and your family will be happy.

Always good to hear a positive CS story.


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## sugarcube84

aww lovely glad things went well! x


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