# Let's just call this my leaving-my-manboy diary



## Proserpina

Oh, ye gods, I need my soon-to-be-ex-husband to move out. He is driving me CRAY-CRAY. 

Long story short, I asked manboy to clear the table tonight and clean up after dinner, and to show our daughter how to do it. His idea of "clear the table and clean up" was: 


 Toss a flimsy piece of saran wrap over the leftover pasta in its serving bowl and shove it into the fridge. It wasn't even fully covered. 
 Put most of the dishes from the table into the sink. Leave some dishes on the table. Do not make any effort to get food off of the dishes and into the garbage disposal; just leave it all in the sink. 
 Put a few dirty dishes into the dishwasher without taking the clean ones out and putting them away. Don't bother doing a better job even after wife prompts you to do it right. Do not finish loading the dishwasher and do not start it. 
 Show our daughter how to do it? Nah, she's fine running off and doing whatever the hell she wants.
I made dinner tonight. How would he have felt if I handed him a plate full of half-cooked meat? If the vegetables were still partially frozen? If I gave everyone silverware except him? I don't half-ass things, so why does he? 

(In fact, he did make dinner the other day---and the vegetables were still partially frozen!)

This may sound like a small faux pas when considered on its own, but this is what happens EVERY SINGLE TIME I delegate a task to him. He does the crappiest, most half-assed job in the world and calls it good. I just cannot wait to get him the HELL out of my life.


----------



## Proserpina

My leaving-manboy to-do list: 


 File for divorce [*IN PROGRESS: Prove-up date on 9-10-2014!*]
 Research childcare options so that I can return to work [*COMPLETED 4-02-2014*]
 Either repair my current car or purchase a new one [*COMPLETED 2-19-2014*]
 Go back to work [*COMPLETED 3-17-2014*]
 Have manboy move out [*COMPLETED 4-08-2014*]
Going to use this thread to keep track of my progress on each of these points.


----------



## Proserpina

*FILE FOR DIVORCE*


 Bah. I went to the courthouse on Friday and said, "hello, I'd like to file for divorce." The clerk replies, "Where is your judgment?" Um, judgment? Did my request make it sound like I was in mid-process? After a confusing exchange, they gave me the paperwork to get started. Now that I work 8:30 - 5:00 PM, I'll have to use a personal day or sick day or something to file for divorce. Grrr. [3-18-2014]
 I got manboy to do the divorce filing (long story). Not only that, but he is paying everything I want him to pay and for all of the filing fees. See my latest post in the thread. We have a prove-up date this Wednesday, after which, if the judge agrees we have completed the requirements for divorce, I will be 100% single again! [8-10-2014]
 Prove-up date was a joke. Manboy made a fool of himself. New date: September 10th. [8-25-2014]


----------



## Proserpina

*RESEARCH CHILDCARE*


 Holy crap, this one is a doozy. Tried calling a few places only to find that infant childcare runs about $250 per week. They won't give me a discount for late drop-off. That puts my childcare costs at approximately $1600 per month. [2-13-2014]
 Called my unemployed brother and asked how he would feel about moving out to Illinois for a few months and becoming my "manny." I would rent him a room or a studio apartment for $450-$600 per month so that he can have his own space, and I don't want to get roped into another 1-year lease if I switch to a 3-bedroom apartment. I want to be able to go back to Washington state in August. [2-13-2014]
 A lovely couple from my church has offered to take in my brother for a few weeks if he wants to come be my "manny." They would take him in while we hunt for a room for him to rent. [2-16-2014]
 With the new job, I will not commute back into town until 6:20 PM. I found a childcare place that is open until 9 PM, will cost about $1400 per month for both kids. Have an appointment to tour it on Tuesday at 4:30 PM. Looks like my brother is probably not going to come out and be my manny. [3-8-2014]
 My brother flew out to help me for the first two weeks of my new job, but I doubt he will decide he wants to come out indefinitely. I have the kids signed up for the daycare that is open late, starting on April 1st. It will cost about $1400 per month. [3-18-2014]
 I have been having trouble arranging for transportation from my daughter's school to this daycare that is open late, but I think the solution may finally be at hand. My daughter's one-on-one aid has generously agreed to drive her after school. I have to talk to her to dot the Is, cross the Ts, and see how much she wants for this service, but child care is just about all set up. [3-29-2014]
 So, I finally feel good about marking this one off as "complete." With my brother back in Washington state, my children are now being cared for by a woman from my husband's ward, who is watching both of them for the low cost of $250 per week. I had to set up transportation from DD's school to this woman's home this week, but busing will begin on Monday. In the meantime, my brother enjoyed living with me for 2.5 weeks and he may be moving out here to essentially serve as my _au pair_ (minus being from a foreign country) in the next month or so. [4-02-2014]

*COMPLETED*​


----------



## Proserpina

*REPAIR CAR OR BUY A NEW ONE*


 Called my car insurance company today and got them to send a tow for the car. It is in the shop. Waiting to hear back on what the damages will cost so I can decide whether to repair it or junk it. [2-13-2014]
 Car repair shop got back to me today. Sounds like the repairs are manageable. Going to go ahead with them on Monday. Should have a functional car again by Tuesday. [2-15-2014]
 Car cost more to repair than I would have liked, but it is fixed and back home. [2-19-2014]

*COMPLETED*​


----------



## Proserpina

*GO BACK TO WORK*


 I have a job interview tomorrow for a part-time administrative assistant position. Would make for a nice transition back to working. [2-19-2014]
 Had a job interview on Tuesday for an entry-level position with the state. Felt like it went really well. I must have been right, because they called me today to offer me the job! Full time, has benefits. Starts March 17th. [3-1-2014]
 New job started yesterday. [3-18-2014]

*COMPLETED*​


----------



## Proserpina

*HAVE MANBOY MOVE OUT*


 Manboy is rushing off to apply for a one-bedroom apartment as I write this. Here's hoping his bad credit does not torpedo his application. If he is approved he could be out today. [3-29-2014]
 He was approved for the new apartment. He moves out April 8. [3-31-2014]
 He moved out on April 8. [4-17-2014]

*COMPLETED*​


----------



## daneuse27

After everything I've read about your husband, I don't blame you at all for wanting him to leave. That would drive me insane! Its like he expects you to do the rest. :wacko:


----------



## Proserpina

When he asked me what he could do to save the marriage a few months ago, this was what I told him: 


 Find a new career. I won't stay with you if dance is what you want to do. There is no future in it. 
 One that makes decent money. 
 One where the shift you work is a reasonable 8-9 hour shift.
 One where you only work 5 days a week and can spend 2 days home with your family. It doesn't have to be Saturday and Sunday, but you do need to have 2 days off. 
 Do chores on a regular basis. At least one chore every day without me having to ask. I'm not going to remind you of this. We've been married for 10 years and you know that I want it, so you either do it at this point or you don't. 
 Never, ever lie to me and never, EVER think that it is okay for you to cut me out of family decision-making by saying "but I prayed about it" or anything to that effect

What has he done? 


 He's still dancing. In fact, he left his old job to go teach at the dance studio that Bimberly teaches at, and when he left his old job, his ex-boss (the one whom I'd told him a million times was a complete jerk who was going to screw us over) flat-out refused to pay him about 3k in final compensation, 2 days before Christmas. We have a 50k lawsuit against him now for 2.66 years of unpaid overtime, minimum wage violations, and blatantly stolen wages. Manboy has shown no interest in seeking a non-dance career. 
 He made less than 23k last year, having been out of college for 7 years. He's making more at the new studio, but it's still only going to be 36k-38k if he keeps up his current rate (he's paid on commission again). Not awful, but not great when you consider he's been done with college for 8 years and dancing for 3. No word on this job having benefits. 
 Is still gone for long hours, often away from home for more than 12 hours every day. 
 Still works 6 days a week. Has ignored my requests for him to re-arrange his schedule and take one more day off. 
 Chores? What are those? Maybe on Sunday (his only day off) he'll do a few chores. That's it. 
 He told me back in September that he had paid off a daycare bill with his own money. I received a collections notice for it in November. Other than that, I haven't caught him outright lying just yet, but he did fail to disclose to me very critical information when he was debating switching jobs in December.
I continue to feel like I'm micro-managing a giant man-child and I just want him out of my life.


----------



## Dezireey

Well good for you for sticking to your guns and ensuring you are leaving him, he will be gone eventually, it takes time but you will be free of him eventually. 

It is so frustrating being around a so called ' man' when in all honesty, the woman is more of a.'man' than him, aswell as taking on other roles. My ex thought he was a big, strong man ( okay, visually he is 6ft 6 and huge but he is just a stupid little boy) and even now I feel like if he had stayed or we worked things out, I would be looking after two kids not one. If you are someone who likes to get things done and are organised, a relationship with a procrastinator / lazy person who takes forever to make decisons etc is doomed. I got fed up of being called impatient by my ex, well no, these guys are just lazy bums who want everything done for them and for life to fall into their lap, not go out and get it. Sheesh! 

Hugs xx


----------



## Proserpina

Thank you for the support. My first goal for today is to complete an essay for a summer fellowship application that I need to have in the mail by tomorrow. If I'm accepted, I'll be spending 6 weeks this summer out-of-state. DS will come with me since he is breastfeeding, but DD will probably go to stay with one set of grandparents or the other. 

Wish me luck!


----------



## Proserpina

Here's a memory for ya. Sept. 28, 2013, the day before my induction. I'm 41+1. My cervix is only a 1 and my Bishop's score is low, but they pretty much have to induce the next day due to risk of pre-eclampsia, and my doctor wants to do a sweep to get things moving. 

So I'm laying on the table with my dress hiked up, my doctor (a smokin' hot 29 year-old resident) has his hand inside me and has started doing the sweep. 

Manboy, who was seated in a chair across the room, suddenly jumps up, throws the door to the room wide open, and saunters on out of there. Does not pull the curtain around me first; does not crack the door open and carefully slip out. Just throws the door wide open and walks out like he doesn't have a care in the world, leaving the door to drift closed slowly, very slowly behind him. 

The front desk is visible from the door. Any patient or staff member could have been walking by there and seen me on the table, legs spread, with my doctor's hand in me. (Thankfully I don't think anybody did.)

Stuff like that is why I am getting the hell out of this marriage.


----------



## daneuse27

Why on earth did he do that? Jealous about the doctor or something, I don't get it..


----------



## Proserpina

daneuse27 said:


> Why on earth did he do that? Jealous about the doctor or something, I don't get it..

No idea. Best I can come up with is that he was uncomfortable watching the doctor do this procedure on his wife and decided to beeline out of there without any regard for the fact that I was exposed. It's like he has no consideration for anything that I want or need whatsoever.


----------



## Proserpina

So, Manboy took my debit card yesterday, saying he needed to remove some funds to replenish the I-Pass account. I said okay, thinking he would remove $100-$200. He removed $1000 (the maximum that the ATM would let him remove). 

I confronted him about this and he began raging that half of our $7450 tax return should have been his to do whatever he wants with. Oh, that's precious. He thinks 100% of the bills are my responsibility, even though we rang up those bills last year thanks to him insisting on working a job that made less than minimum wage---a fact that I had already explained to him. Okay, sweetie, I'll give you half of the tax return along with half of the bills to pay off. Sound good? 

Mind you, I gave him $400 of the tax return already because he demanded it to buy new dance shoes. I haven't spent $400 on furthering my career. I haven't even spent $25 of the tax return on myself. Manboy is special. 

I cancelled my debit card and changed the PIN that I've used for years. He will never touch another one of my cards again. That is the second time that he has lied to me and stolen money from my account. Whatever floundering hope he may have had of saving this marriage is now completely gone. 

Car is fixed, got a job interview tomorrow for a part-time administrative assistant job. Wish me luck!


----------



## 44npregnant

I'm glad it sounds like you are determined and not second guessing yourself. That is half the battle when getting out of a toxic relationship!


----------



## Proserpina

Big breakthrough for me today. I interviewed for a job with the Illinois Department of Human Services on Tuesday. Felt like the interview went well. At one point in the interview, they asked me why I hadn't put in for Social Services Career Trainee (which is a higher-paying position that qualifies you for even better paying positions after 6-12 months). An interview is going well when the interviewers are like, "Hey, why don't you apply for this better job?," right? I told them that I had put in for it and received an A, and they smiled and said, "Well, maybe they'll start hiring those in March." 

I was offered the job I interviewed for today. Wouldn't surprise me if I am not far from SSCT. I start on the 17th. Job has health/vision/dental. Very excited. :happydance:


----------



## daneuse27

Congrats on the job offer!! :flower:


----------



## Proserpina

I hate my freakin' soon-to-be-ex. Apparently he is about to roll in two weeks of good sales at his current job. I told him about my job offer and how much it makes. His comment? 

"Wow, I think I might make that much on this next [bi-weekly] paycheck."

Whoa, back the scrub train up! All the pathetic financial stuff you did these past 2-3 years, last year especially, and now that you're finally about to draw a not-pathetic paycheck for the first time ever, all you can think to do with that information is beat me down? When the salary of this very-much starter position is easily more than what you've made every month of our married life? When it's my job that's going to give our kids insurance and not yours? When this is the first permanent full-time position I've had in 7.5 years?

Well, make as much money as you want, sweetie, because until your kids are grown, 35% of it is mine.

I have got to get away from this man.


----------



## daneuse27

Wow :o what a jerk thing to say. Sounds like a piece of work. I say focus in your great news. He's only trying to beat you down because of his own insecurity.


----------



## Proserpina

With my new job, I'll be commuting to/from downtown Chicago, and will not get back into town until 6:20 PM at night. Since most daycare places close at 6 PM, this was a bit of a problem. Found a childcare place that is open until 9 PM and eager to have both of my children. It's pretty much my only option, but going to go tour it on Tuesday at 4:30 PM. 

Very excited for this job. Got to read up now on healthy meals to pack for work. 

Also: got the fellowship I applied for! Only I'm not sure I'll be able to do it now as I imagine my new employers may not be thrilled about me wanting a 6-7 week leave 3 months after my start date. Still, it feels good to be succeeding at some things. And if I can do it, I will. (I hope that I can because I really, really want to do it.)


----------



## daneuse27

Awesome in the success at securing these positions, congrats :flower:


----------



## Proserpina

I am back at work now! Making this pumping-and-working thing work for me. 

Manboy continues to be manboy. He comes, he sleeps on the couch, he makes a mess, and he leaves. He doesn't get home until 1 AM - 3 AM most nights, then grumbles about how badly he needs sleep if I ask for nocturnal help with the baby. Leaves for work between 11 AM and noon. He is making better money at work, but nowhere near what he said he was making when he tried to make me feel bad about my new job. More like maybe $300-$400 per month more than me, and his job doesn't provide insurance. Whoop tee freakin' doo. 

Since he won't lift a finger to do chores around here, I've stopped doing his laundry. Wonder how long it will take him to notice the ginormous amount that has accumulated in his hamper.


----------



## creatingpeace

Ahhhh I so love your writing! he is working with Bimberly? Ugh nasty! 
You are one strong, smart, funny determined lady. I can't wiat until he is gone and you have your very own adventures. They will be much more fun then the life you have with him. When is he leaving, what is preventing him from this right now? Seems like torture...


----------



## Proserpina

creatingpeace said:


> Ahhhh I so love your writing! he is working with Bimberly? Ugh nasty!
> You are one strong, smart, funny determined lady. I can't wiat until he is gone and you have your very own adventures. They will be much more fun then the life you have with him. When is he leaving, what is preventing him from this right now? Seems like torture...

Thanks for the kind words. 

What's preventing him from leaving now? Money. He'll need to save for the first month's rent + security deposit on a new place. His credit sucks so I suspect finding a place won't be easy. 

Last paycheck, I took out only what I needed for rent + food, gave him everything else, what should have been more than enough for gas + food for his job and then money to save. He blew it all on lessons with his dance partner and wound up begging more money off of me before his next payday. Sigh. 

I honestly don't think he's going to be moving out before the end of July, and then I'll probably wind up moving out into my place, and he'll try begging me to come with. Not going to happen though. 

And yes, he is working with Bimberly, and keeps trying to obscure this fact when he talks about her. He'll say "I'm going to meet up with 'this lady'", etc. "This lady"? I know who she is, no need to talk about her like she's a stranger.


----------



## daddiesgift

Bored and browsing the boards and came across this journal, I'm now hooked! :haha: 

He does seem like the definition of a man child. 

I'm SHOCKED at how much childcare costs where you are at!! I'm an inhome daycare provider (for the military) so the government decides how much I get paid and let's say its no where near that per kid!! I'd be your manny for that price :haha:


----------



## creatingpeace

Ugh well men are so simple aren't they? 

Yes he certainly does not sound capable of saving the money and making a move out plan on his own. How annoying. 

What kind of dance does he do?


----------



## Proserpina

daddiesgift said:


> Bored and browsing the boards and came across this journal, I'm now hooked! :haha:
> 
> He does seem like the definition of a man child.
> 
> I'm SHOCKED at how much childcare costs where you are at!! I'm an inhome daycare provider (for the military) so the government decides how much I get paid and let's say its no where near that per kid!! I'd be your manny for that price :haha:

Thanks for the kind words. This commute is so draining and insane, I'm going to have to move closer to my job for sure. 



creatingpeace said:


> Ugh well men are so simple aren't they?
> 
> Yes he certainly does not sound capable of saving the money and making a move out plan on his own. How annoying.
> 
> What kind of dance does he do?

Ballroom.


----------



## Proserpina

I have been giving manboy as much of his paychecks as I have been able to spare, which has been close to $1200 in the past month. I did this so that he could save up for the deposit and first month's rent on a new apartment. He should have been able to save at least $600-$800 of that money for a new apartment. 

This morning he went and looked at a one-bedroom apartment. $900 rent + $300 security deposit (with good credit, the application says, so I'm thinking he may not qualify for the low deposit). He calls me up and says he needs $35 for the application fee and $100 for the holding deposit. I'm like, you didn't save any of that $1200 that I gave you in the last month for moving into a new apartment? Nope, he blew it all on coachings with his dance partner. That includes $250 that I gave him maybe 3 days ago. 

He just got paid (his paychecks are still going into my bank account), so I went and got his share of the money again (about $640) and gave that to him. I hope he gets approved, but I'm not giving him another dime towards his security deposit + first month's rent if he is. 

Either he's about to learn a lesson on the importance of good credit, or he's about to learn why you can't just blow all of your money on stupid crap and then still pay rent. Against odds, I hope that he is approved and is able to move in as soon as possible, because I want him out.


----------



## daddiesgift

Good lord he doesnt sound very responsible! If you are suppose to be saving your money to move out why are you blowing it on other things! I hope he gets out soon then hes on his own and cant depend on you to save the day and come up with money to help him and He'll have to learn how to manage money better


----------



## daneuse27

As always I think you're doing the right thing. Sounds like if he doesn't learn the hard way, he won't learn at all.


----------



## Proserpina

Thanks. I'm just shaking my head that he didn't even save up enough for application fees on a new apartment. I hope he gets approved, but even if he does, I have a feeling he'll be calling me today to beg for another $600-$1200 so that he can get into this new apartment. I'm not doing it.


----------



## Proserpina

Manboy's apartment application was approved. He moves out on April 8th. :thumbup:


----------



## Meezerowner

Proserpina said:


> Manboy's apartment application was approved. He moves out on April 8th. :thumbup:

Congrats! You can count down the hours!


----------



## daddiesgift

Congrats!! :dance:


----------



## creatingpeace

YAY great news!!!!!!


----------



## Proserpina

I cannot wait to start packing up his crap this weekend so that he can get the hell out. 

I finally marked off childcare as "completed." My kids are being cared for by a woman from my husband's church while my brother mulls over whether or not to travel out to the Midwest and move in with me to care for my children, kind of like an _au pair_ but without being from a foreign country. In the meantime, after-school transportation for my daughter is in place and the woman's rate is really low. So I have options and they are in play.


----------



## daneuse27

Glad to hear you have options and that hell be gone soon :) have you guys worked out how often he will see the kids? I assume he wants to..


----------



## Proserpina

He moved out. Even though I wanted him gone, I still feel very melancholy about this. Tonight it's just me and my kiddos for the first time. He won't be coming home.


----------



## daddiesgift

Sorry you are feeling down. I can understand how you feel, even though you wanted him gone its going to take some adjustment to get use to him being gone and even though you had bad times Im sure there was some good times too. Hold strong! Things are only going to look up from here!


----------



## Meezerowner

Proserpina said:


> He moved out. Even though I wanted him gone, I still feel very melancholy about this. Tonight it's just me and my kiddos for the first time. He won't be coming home.

:hugs: Try to remember this is a new beginning.
Do something nice for yourself and your kids this evening (sorry it probably is already evening where you are so a bit late). :flower:


----------



## creatingpeace

It is always bittersweet no matter what! An ending to something no matter how horrible is difficult. I know you have tons of adventures and fun ahead. Hang in there Momma!


----------



## Proserpina

Ugh. He came over to watch the kids this morning, took a shower, and left his magical Mormon underwear on my bathroom floor. Melancholia's gone.

He has exactly one week to figure out that this is not his house and I won't be cleaning up after him anymore, and then any magic underwear that he leaves on my floor goes into the trash. And no, I will not even cut out the magic symbols first!

(Sorry, Mormons. I shouldn't be calling it "magic underwear"--I know how disrespectful that is--but I'm in a bad mood.)


----------



## daddiesgift

What on earth is magical underwear :haha:


----------



## Proserpina

daddiesgift said:


> What on earth is magical underwear :haha:

He's a lifetime member of the Mormon church. After one has been Mormon for so long, s/he becomes eligible to go through a Mormon temple and participate in rituals there. Once you do that, you have to wear special underwear called garments. These garments have special (in actuality, Masonic) markings on them. It's white and the tops are like a t-shirt and the bottoms are almost knee-length and it isn't very attractive. 

When this underwear wears out and is ready to be thrown away, Mormons are instructed to cut out the symbols and either throw them away separately or (if you have a flare for the dramatic) burn them. DH was a burner. 

If he keeps on leaving his sacred underwear laying around my apartment, I'm so throwing it out. If he's gonna leave it on my bathroom floor like that when he doesn't even live here, it must not really be all that sacred. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEPv4VEeYUo


----------



## Meezerowner

Proserpina said:


> daddiesgift said:
> 
> 
> What on earth is magical underwear :haha:
> 
> He's a lifetime member of the Mormon church. After one has been Mormon for so long, s/he becomes eligible to go through a Mormon temple and participate in rituals there. Once you do that, you have to wear special underwear called garments. These garments have special (in actuality, Masonic) markings on them. It's white and the tops are like a t-shirt and the bottoms are almost knee-length and it isn't very attractive.
> 
> When this underwear wears out and is ready to be thrown away, Mormons are instructed to cut out the symbols and either throw them away separately or (if you have a flare for the dramatic) burn them. DH was a burner.
> 
> If he keeps on leaving his sacred underwear laying around my apartment, I'm so throwing it out. If he's gonna leave it on my bathroom floor like that when he doesn't even live here, it must not really be all that sacred.Click to expand...


Wow. You learn something new everyday!


----------



## creatingpeace

OMG that is AWFUL!!!! How incredibly UNSEXY


----------



## Proserpina

Yeah. Just over two years ago, we were going out of town for the weekend and I asked him if he would wear some normal guy underwear for the weekend. He responded that I was persecuting his religion. I threw out all of my thongs after that. I figured, if he doesn't want to wear underwear that I find attractive, I won't return the favor.

Today was worse. He absolutely trashed this place this morning. Refrigerated stuff left out, garbage laying around, dishes used then not cleaned. He got out a can of chunky clam chowder, opened it, then left it on the counter uncooked so that it spoiled. He put my bread in the freezer for no reason I can see. 

He keeps this crap up, I'll take away his apartment key and run the kiddos to his apartment every morning.


----------



## daddiesgift

:saywhat: WOW about the underwear!


----------



## creatingpeace

So why is he coming in and making himself at home in your place and reating your food? Isn't he in his own place now? I think I might be missing something. 

Ugh those underwear...refusing to even spice it up for a seexy weekend...you are soooooo much better off, now go buy some new thongs for your future!


----------



## Proserpina

creatingpeace said:


> So why is he coming in and making himself at home in your place and reating your food? Isn't he in his own place now? I think I might be missing something.

That's exactly why I got on his case about it. I don't mind him fixing a snack while he's over here watching his son and getting our daughter onto the bus, but leaving messes for me to clean up and wasting my food is completely unacceptable. 

Ugh, I'm having childcare drama again. Will give more details later. Wish my brother would hurry up and get here.


----------



## Proserpina

I had mentioned that a woman from my husband's church was caring for my kids until my brother moves out here. Here's what just happened: 

I'd been having trouble getting daycare set up for my kids due to the fact that the only daycare in the area that was both open past 6 PM and had openings for an infant and a 7 yo was 8 miles away from my daughter's school. School transportation absolutely refused to go that far (I don't blame them; they've been hella short on drivers this year) and the daycare doesn't offer transportation that far, either. 

I finally received an offer from my daughter's one-on-one school aid to drive her to daycare after school every day; very kind of her! So I was happy. I finally had daycare worked out. 

Was at my husband's church and I announced this good news to my buddy in the mother's nursing room, and another woman there spoke up. She basically said that her husband had died in a car accident back in August of last year, she had moved here a few months earlier to pursue an online relationship, and she was very short on cash. And she would really, really like it if I would let her do daycare for me. She said she would only charge $1k per month for both my kids. She lived within the bus'ing zone for my daughter's school, so it'd be more convenient. She has at least 3 kids of her own (she says she has 6, but no one has ever seen the other 3). 

I was slightly uneasy about this, because I don't know this woman, and she has no assets or roots in this area, meaning that if she chose to take my money and run, I'd have no means of recovering it. But I didn't doubt that she really was poor and needy, and she was going to save me $400 per month, so I decided to go ahead and let her do it. Maybe we could help each other out. I cancelled all of the work I had done on setting up daycare so that this woman could care for my kids, including forfeiting my $100 daycare application fee. 

She doesn't have a car. Anyone who lives in the suburbs north of Chicago could tell you that the public transportation out here is terrible and it's pretty much impossible to survive without a car. She asked me for rides to the store after work a few times. Inwardly I groaned, because I had just worked a long day and just wanted to pick up my kids and go home, but I went ahead and helped her, because in spite of what some people at BnB may think of me, I actually am a pretty nice person and I really try hard to help others. 

This past week she began talking about how someone in Indianapolis was going to sell her a car. This person was apparently willing to give it to her unsecured and let her make payments. She said she was going to need to get out there to pick up the car. I shrugged and said, good luck with that. 

Thursday morning, she texts me at work to beg me to take her out to Indianapolis that night. She says the person won't hold the car any longer and she has no one else to ask. To cut this short, I said no. I didn't have room in my sedan for my two kids plus her and her 3 kids, and Chicago to Indianapolis is 3 hours. Just a ridiculous request. (Like, Bimberly-wanting-rides-to-and-from-Chicago-every-day ridiculous.) I suggested she see if she could take a train there or something. 

I guess she worked out a train schedule and arranged with the person to bring the car to an hour south of Chicago, and she was going to go out and meet them early on Friday morning and be back to her place by 11 to watch my kids. The last thing I got from her was a text at 8:40 AM on Friday saying she'd made it and was going to sign the papers on the car and then head back to her place. 

My estranged husband went to drop off our son at her place at 11 AM. No one was there and she wasn't answering her phone. At 11:40 AM she texted him: "phone dying car didn't make it." That was the last we heard from her until around 4 PM. 

At 4 PM she texted my husband to say the car had died on her 15 minutes after picking it up, but she'd finally made it back to her apartment. He said, okay, can I come drop the kids off now so I can get to work. She said sure. Went to her place again and no one was there. We heard nothing else from her for the next 24 hours or so. No responses to texts, didn't pick up the phone when we called. 

She sent me a brief text yesterday saying she'd had a breakdown and would be "back" on Sunday. I don't know where she's been, but I'm fed up. I'm sure this stuff with the lemon car was stressful for her, but I am depending on her. The least she could have done was keep me posted or give me an explanation once she got her phone charged. I really can't be turning over my kids to be watched by someone who is falling apart like this. 

Now I am frustrated. My brother is going to come out here, but he was supposed to leave today and didn't; driving time from Seattle to Chicago is 2-3 days. I wouldn't put it past him to flake on departure for a few days. It's really not worth it to try and set up the daycare again if it's only going to be for a week; it will take a week to get the one-on-one providing after-school transportation for my daughter again. I am so stressed out and annoyed by this. I feel like I tried to do a nice thing for this woman, and she flaked out and screwed me over big time.


----------



## daneuse27

No offense but I wouldn't have left my kids with her in the first place. Moving somewhere poor with no financial stability to pursue an online relationship is plain dumb and she has proven to not make wise decisions. I can't imagine begging for a job rather than presenting myself as a professional. Sounds very sketchy :( I would never leave them with her again if I were you!


----------



## creatingpeace

Oh dear LORD she sounds like a total headcase. How scary. I think you are doing a very wise thing, forget about her. Unstable.

So sorry this must be so frickin hard. I hope something lets up real soon.


----------



## Proserpina

daneuse27 said:


> No offense but I wouldn't have left my kids with her in the first place. Moving somewhere poor with no financial stability to pursue an online relationship is plain dumb and she has proven to not make wise decisions. I can't imagine begging for a job rather than presenting myself as a professional. Sounds very sketchy :( I would never leave them with her again if I were you!

Yeah, I knew it was a bit of a risk when I did it, and maybe it was a little dumb on my part to go through with it, but I really did feel bad for her. I don't have any family in the Chicago area, either, and I know how hard it is to be living in the north suburbs without transportation, so I felt pity for her. Serves me right. :nope:


----------



## daneuse27

Proserpina said:


> daneuse27 said:
> 
> 
> No offense but I wouldn't have left my kids with her in the first place. Moving somewhere poor with no financial stability to pursue an online relationship is plain dumb and she has proven to not make wise decisions. I can't imagine begging for a job rather than presenting myself as a professional. Sounds very sketchy :( I would never leave them with her again if I were you!
> 
> Yeah, I knew it was a bit of a risk when I did it, and maybe it was a little dumb on my part to go through with it, but I really did feel bad for her. I don't have any family in the Chicago area, either, and I know how hard it is to be living in the north suburbs without transportation, so I felt pity for her. Serves me right. :nope:Click to expand...

I wrote that as I was lying in bed about to go to sleep, sorry if it came out sounding overly harsh. lol. 
I've read a lot of your posts and can tell you're a very intelligent woman. I'm sure that however this woman presented herself to you in person (despite it sounding a little sketchy just reading it online) you were the one who was there to meet her face to face and are a much better judge than me. I'm sure you wouldn't have if you'd had any feeling that she was un-fit. I'm super protective of my daughter, but she is a toddler who doesn't have the words to tell me how things go - this is why I've chosen a registered daycare centre, I just feel more comfortable knowing they are obligated and held accountable by certain guidelines of safety, curriculum, treatment of kids, etc. You, having an older child can ask "How was your day? Did you like ____ (insert name of carer)?" and therefore evaluate her services that way. Whereas I cannot. So that may have been where my shock came from. Apologies if it came across harsh :flower:

So all that being said, I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way you hoped or the way she promised you. To me, she sounds very self-entitled. If she wants a job, she needs to be prepared to WORK for it and present herself professionally for it. Begging someone for a salary because you made un-wise decisions isn't going to work with most people :dohh: After all this, I'm guessing she may expect you to forgive her for having left you out to dry and expect to nanny again. I personally wouldn't after all this. Someone who isn't willing to work for things and is too self-involved to see the distress she has put you through can't be trusted with your older child, let alone your infant.


----------



## Proserpina

daneuse27 said:


> I wrote that as I was lying in bed about to go to sleep, sorry if it came out sounding overly harsh. lol.
> I've read a lot of your posts and can tell you're a very intelligent woman. I'm sure that however this woman presented herself to you in person (despite it sounding a little sketchy just reading it online) you were the one who was there to meet her face to face and are a much better judge than me. I'm sure you wouldn't have if you'd had any feeling that she was un-fit. I'm super protective of my daughter, but she is a toddler who doesn't have the words to tell me how things go - this is why I've chosen a registered daycare centre, I just feel more comfortable knowing they are obligated and held accountable by certain guidelines of safety, curriculum, treatment of kids, etc. You, having an older child can ask "How was your day? Did you like ____ (insert name of carer)?" and therefore evaluate her services that way. Whereas I cannot. So that may have been where my shock came from. Apologies if it came across harsh :flower:
> 
> So all that being said, I'm sorry that it didn't turn out the way you hoped or the way she promised you. To me, she sounds very self-entitled. If she wants a job, she needs to be prepared to WORK for it and present herself professionally for it. Begging someone for a salary because you made un-wise decisions isn't going to work with most people :dohh: After all this, I'm guessing she may expect you to forgive her for having left you out to dry and expect to nanny again. I personally wouldn't after all this. Someone who isn't willing to work for things and is too self-involved to see the distress she has put you through can't be trusted with your older child, let alone your infant.

I wasn't offended. I'm not an easily offended person and I love a blunt woman. :thumbup: But no, I won't give her another chance. She is impulsive, she's been proven to make unwise decisions both in life and in love, and if she's having so much of a "breakdown" that she had to ignore our attempts at contact all weekend, then I don't feel safe leaving my kids with her. 

My brother is on his way from Washington state to Illinois! Texted me a few hours ago to say he was in Montana. We have something worked out for Tuesday and a highly-recommended nanny will be watching the kids at my place on Wednesday (too expensive to use on a regular basis, but one day was fine). Brother should be here by Thursday and then he can watch the kids.

Got my first paycheck today! Feels good to be earning money for my babies.


----------



## daddiesgift

Im, again, in shock childcare costs so much in your part of the country! Im an in home day care provider where I get paid from parents, USDA, and the government and I still make crap. So if I was there Id help you out :winkwink: So glad your brother is making his way there!! It feels great to financially provide for our children, great work!


----------



## Proserpina

daddiesgift said:


> Im, again, in shock childcare costs so much in your part of the country! Im an in home day care provider where I get paid from parents, USDA, and the government and I still make crap. So if I was there Id help you out :winkwink: So glad your brother is making his way there!! It feels great to financially provide for our children, great work!

If you were here, I'd totally hire you. Yeah, I think most people are unaware of the cost of child care in the US until they actually go through it---which leaves a lot of people lazily telling single mothers, "Just put your kids in daycare and get a job!"

If you make very little money, then your child care expenses will be paid for or subsidized by the government. However, there is a very uncomfortable income bracket where you aren't making enough to actually meet your expenses, yet you're just barely making enough that the government won't help you. Crossing that gap is difficult and this is why so many people can't get off of welfare. I'm pretty much crossing that gap now and it isn't fun, but I have faith that in 1-2 years, I'll be doing much better financially than I am now. 

Anyways, my brother is in Austin, Minnesota (6 hours from Chicago) and should be here today! :happydance:

Latest manboy update: he approached me yesterday to beg for $20 for gas, citing "extra gas costs" of our daycare crisis. I frowned and said I couldn't see how I had cost him all that much extra $$ in gas as the pick-up/drop-offs for the children have all been pretty much in line with his regular route. Only a little bit of running around amounting to maybe 20-30 extra miles has been required, not enough to bleed him dry a week before his next paycheck. 

He got irritated with me and stormed out, then sent me a series of text messages complaining that it wasn't really extra gas charges, is was just that moving into a new apartment meant electricity security deposit and other starter expenses, blah blah blah. 

Yes, I knew that, manboy. Maybe now you understand why I said, "No, you cannot spend thousands of dollars on coachings with your dance partner, you need to save up to move out." But you blew me off and spent thousands of dollars on coachings with your dance partner anyways, and now you want to bum cash off of me for basic living expenses. :dohh:


----------



## daddiesgift

:nope:


----------



## creatingpeace

He has no pride!


----------



## Proserpina

Yesterday I came home to find that manboy had left his Mormon undapants on my bathroom floor again. Today I did something immature: snuck the undapants outside with me in the morning and put them in his car, draped over the steering wheel. See how he likes having his undapants left in inconvenient locations!

My brother is here now, and the lady who was watching my kids today was so sweet and gentle. All in all a good day.

Tomorrow morning I have court against my ex-landlady. Wish me luck!


----------



## Tui

Hi there. I just wanted to say thank you. I was having a really bad day and then I stumbled across your diary. You have made me laugh when I wanted to cry. Don't get me wrong, I'm not laughing at your situation, just the lovely way you write about it, and the strength of character you obviously have in spades. If you don't mind I would love to follow your journey. Good luck with the manchild.


----------



## daneuse27

Your ex has no shame at all :haha: 

Good luck on the court case tomorrow!


----------



## Proserpina

Court case went well. Evil ex-landlady made a surprise appearance, we went to mediation, and she settled for $744 ($200 security deposit out of $250-$500 asked, $200 overpaid rent out of $400 asked, $344 for 100% of court costs). The only catch is that she has 3 months to pay. If she doesn't pay me back within 3 months, I can go back to court and get a judgment for the original amount that I asked, and she's pretty certain to lose then. 

I anticipate that she won't pay me back, but I'm pleased just the same.


----------



## daneuse27

Glad that the results were for the most part favourable. The extra money will come in handy if she pays it, but if she doesn't she's only screwing herself over even more.

One more weight off your back :)


----------



## Proserpina

I suspect that Bimberly might be moving in with manboy. Because ...

(1) Manboy made a vague comment to my brother the other day about how the kids were going to have 2 sets of parents, a stepfather and "maybe even a stepmother."

(2) Manboy mentioned to me the other day that he's getting a new roommate. I asked who and he got evasive (the way he does when he's lying) and said "some Polish guy from the studio."

(3) Then he announced that he would soon have more furniture in the apartment because Bimberly is going out of town for two months this summer and putting her things at his place while she's gone. 

(4) He unfriended me on Facebook sometime in the past few days. We didn't have a fight first or anything, he just did it. He seldom uses FB and we haven't told our friends yet, so it surprised me.

Anyways, if Bimberly has moved in with him, to hell with everything I said earlier about her being a class act. They can both go to hell; this means war.


----------



## daneuse27

Wow! I'm not sure whether to be surprised, or to be surprised that I'm surprised at this.
I've been following your posts for a while and remember the whole 'Bimberly' issue from before. I always thought they seemed awfully close for being just friends. When you confronted her, she seemed sincere and honest and maybe there was nothing going on at the time. It does seem like he is trying to hide things from you now, and unfortunately it sounds like you might be right about Bimberly.

If they are together though, I don't think you should let it get to you too much. No war needed. He was a lousy husband, and a mediocre father from everything I've heard. I would feel more sorry for Bimberly that she hasn't seen that side of him yet, and is now about to waste months or even years of her life with someone who is going to end up treating her the same way he treated you :(


----------



## creatingpeace

Ugh just ugh! He is just vile, really! So if you never forced the issue he was quite happy to continue sponging off of you. Now within weeks they are moving in. Gross. I wish he could be a man show some respect and talk to you about his decision to move in with another woman.


----------



## daddiesgift

What they said :)


----------



## Proserpina

Re: Bimberly, it would be "war" if those two are getting together because of what a big deal they made about how their relationship was strictly professional and they had no interest in each other. He knows what a wedge his "friendship" with her put in our relationship. So yeah. 

My brother says he overheard ex talking to someone on the phone the other day, calling her "beautiful" and "gorgeous." 

I received collections notices in the mail today for over $1000 in unpaid tolls. Ex drives through 2-4 Illinois tollway checkpoints per day. I'm telling them that I dispute the debt because they're his and told him he'd better deal with it himself. 

I'm starting to think maybe I do need a divorce attorney.


----------



## daddiesgift

:nope:


----------



## Meezerowner

Proserpina said:


> I received collections notices in the mail today for over $1000 in unpaid tolls. Ex drives through 2-4 Illinois tollway checkpoints per day. I'm telling them that I dispute the debt because they're his and told him he'd better deal with it himself.
> 
> I'm starting to think maybe I do need a divorce attorney.

Defo get yourself a solicitor. I remember from one of your other threads from ages ago saying how random he was with money. You might find all sorts of bills and debts coming your way that he has run up in joint names or something.

How do the tolls work? - are they based on the car number plate or do you register it with a name or address? 

I'd be so mad.... why doesn't he pay his tolls anyway how do end up with $1000?


----------



## Proserpina

The bills for tolls are up to $2700 now. No joke. 



Meezerowner said:


> How do the tolls work? - are they based on the car number plate or do you register it with a name or address?

Illinois is one of (I think) just 3 states in America that has what's called "tollways." They're freeways where you have to pay a toll to get on or get off. These aren't remote roads, either; they are major commuter freeways and a lot of people must use them to get to and from work, making it a part of their commuter expenses.

You can buy a little box called an I-Pass and attach it to your car. You link this box to your bank account and it withdraws $40.00. Every time you drive through a toll checkpoint, it deducts it from that $40.00 you paid (at 50% the regular toll rate, so you save on using the I-Pass over paying the tolls manually). So if I drive through a $1.40 toll checkpoint, it withdraws $0.70 from my balance. If I drive through that toll checkpoint on my way to work and on my way home, my balance will be depleted in 28 working days and $40.00 will be drawn from my bank account every 5 weeks or so. 

With me so far? 

Manboy drives through 2-4 of these checkpoints every day as part of his commute to and from work. His bank account temporarily ran out of money at some point in January or February. I-Pass tried to withdraw $40.00 from his account to pay for the tolls, but got declined. So from that point onward, he was driving through toll checkpoints without paying for them. 

When you drive through a toll without paying, the tollway cameras take a picture of your car's license plate and only the license plate and send violation notices to all registered owners of the vehicle. Since the vehicle is still registered in my name, the tollway company is sending these notices to me, even though I had nothing to do with any of this. 

He's being charged hundreds of dollars in fines and fees for not paying these tolls. That's why they've gotten so high. For example, here's what the latest notice says: 

Toll Amount(s): $18.00
Fine Amount(s): $260.00
Fee Amount(s): 650.00
Balance Due: $928.00

So most of the money that he owes is in fines and fees for ignoring these toll notices for so long.


----------



## daneuse27

What a sh*t tone of money to owe for something so stupid! :dohh:


----------



## Proserpina

Well, had more delicious manboy drama this week. 

I get up at 4:45 AM with the goal of being out the door and on my way to work by 6:30 AM. Manboy is supposed to come over between 6:00 AM and 6:30 AM so that he can watch the kids until 11:00 AM, whereupon my brother takes over. Almost every morning, I text Manboy at 6:00 AM to make sure he is awake and on his way. And almost every morning, Manboy eventually texts me back that he slept in or that he's too tired to come over this morning, could my brother cover for him, etc. It's intensely frustrating for me and unfair on my brother. 

On Thursday morning, I texted Manboy at 6:00 AM to make sure he was up. Got no response until almost 6:30 AM, when he replied that he dozed off while praying, so he's going to be late again, but he did say he was on his way. (Oh, now it's _prayer_ as an excuse for neglecting his kids! How pious of him!)

I was pretty freakin' pissed off and fed up with him always coming over late or not showing up at all, so I ripped into him. Told him he was a terrible husband and a lousy father and he'd never get the chance to be a better husband with me, but the least he could do is try to stop being a terrible father. No reply from him. 

I had to go and my son was wide awake, and (as far as I knew) his father was on his way. My brother was completely passed out, having stayed up all night, and I didn't want to wake him. So I put my son in his crib and left, thinking he would only be alone in his crib for 15 minutes, tops. That was 6:30 AM. 

At 9:30 AM, my daughter's school called me at work to ask me where my daughter was. They said she didn't get on the bus for school. My heart stopped. Where the hell was my daughter??

Called my ex and he sent my call to voicemail. Called him again and voicemail again. Called my brother and he picked up. He was groggy. Said my daughter came and woke him up at 9:30 AM, saying "Costa needs you!" My son was bawling in his crib where he had been all alone for 3 hours. Since my brother was (a) passed out and (b) sleeping all the way on the other side of the apartment, he hadn't been able to hear my son's crying. 

Apparently my ex got his poor wittle feelings hurted when I said he was a bad father and decided to remedy that by being an even worse father and not showing up at all that morning. And didn't bother to notify me that he'd decided to take the morning off. So our son was all alone in his crib hungry and crying ALL FREAKIN' MORNING and our daughter slept in and didn't make her bus for school. My brother had covered for my ex the day before and my ex had promised my brother he would be over that day, so my brother hadn't known he'd be on duty with the kids and had stayed up all night because of that. 

I was bawling when I realized my son had been alone all morning and my daughter had missed the early part of school. I took the rest of the day off work and rushed home, even though my brother was awesome and really swung into gear once he was up. My son had been safe in his crib, but I hate to think of him being alone and unattended all morning. 

I don't know what in the hell my ex was even thinking. It makes me so angry :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:


----------



## Proserpina

daneuse27 said:


> What a sh*t tone of money to owe for something so stupid! :dohh:

Yup. And if he doesn't pay this crap off, and they insist I am responsible even though I wasn't the driver and was separated from him, I will seize his car and sell it so that I can pay it off. Then he'll wish he'd registered it exclusively in his name.


----------



## daddiesgift

Whoa!! I'd be so pissed that he didn't come over and your son was crying that whole time! I'm not surprised at all that you are divorcing him!


----------



## daneuse27

Your poor son :( That's awful that he was alone for so long, thank god your daughter and brother were there and eventually were able to help him.

I would be absolutely livid at what your ex did. He's hurting his children more than anyone else being so unreliable and childish :( I would document every time he fails to show,and especially this time - I dont think he's capable of partial custody if he has trouble showing up and keeping his word. You could use all this info against him if you ever needed to.


----------



## Tasha

You ex is just plain awful. I am sorry he did that to your kids :hugs:


----------



## creatingpeace

I have absolutely no words for this other than DOCUMENT this shit for court purposes at a later date. Total fucking scumbags, there is no excuse!!!


----------



## Proserpina

Here is the weirdest part of that story though, the part that I'm nearly ashamed of: 

After he pulled that crap on Thursday morning, I almost slept with that loser. 

We were both emotional. He did seem genuinely sorry when he realized he'd hurt his kids. We both took the rest of the day off to be with the kids. I was a bit surprised when I got home from work and he was in my apartment with Const. "I thought you would take him back to your place," I said. He said that he didn't have his car, that he'd let his roommate drop him off and take it to work. (Still letting even bigger losers leech off of him, I see.) So, he was at my apartment all day. 

I went into my bedroom to lay down, he came in and laid down next to me, and eventually there was cuddling (but I kept his hands off the goods). He began apologizing again and again for everything he put me through last year. And, well... he is a good-looking guy, I haven't had sex since the night before the baby was born, and ten years with this man does mean he knows how to turn me on. Plus we always had a good sex life. :blush: But I threw some ice on my hormones and said no, and I'm damned proud of myself!

It's so amusing in retrospect. He could never apologize to me while all of this crap was going on, but he'll say anything if it means getting laid. :rolleyes:

Went out to get my mail a little later and got my fourth I-Pass notice, the one for $985.00. And thought, oh yeah. THAT'S why I'm divorcing him!

Anyone else ever struggle to not sleep with the ex, even when it was clear that things were over and you were done with him?


----------



## creatingpeace

Yah me not so much, I lost so much respect for my ex that I can't see anything but ugly anymore.

But I understand how sometimes circyumstances, being over whelmed, drained and tired can make ones judgement go out the window. THANK GOD you said no to him. Good for you!


----------



## Proserpina

Hey y'all, I am still alive! And I might be getting divorced this upcoming Wednesday!

Not only that, but...


 I get 100% of our share (or 67% of the total) of the winnings when we prevail in the lawsuit against manboy's ex-boss. Lawyer is working on contingency, so the remaining 33% will go to him. 
 He has agreed to continue to provide child support at a rate of 28% of his net income until DD is 18, then 20% of his net income until DS is 18. These are the standard minimum Illinois rates for two children and then one child, respectively. 
 He will pay 50% of my children's medical and dental insurance premiums (orthodontic is part of dental and there is no additional charge for vision insurance). 
 He will pay 50% of all uninsured medical, dental, orthodontic, and vision costs---co-pays, deductibles, etc. Our daughter is 8 years old and has had 6 surgeries, so this is gonna be a big help! This is retroactive from the time of financial separation (April 2014). 
 He provides early morning childcare / "visitation" with the children 4+ days per week, M-F from 6:30 AM to 11:00 AM, in addition to visitation every other weekend. 
 He has to get me 5 geek t-shirts of my choosing and a football helmet full of cottage cheese. No really, that's in there. Go Seahawks!
 He was the one to file for divorce and pay the court costs, including my appearance fee. Was about $600 bucks.

In the meantime, I have sworn off dating until the divorce is final and thrown all of my energy into finishing my thesis while working to support my kids. I have moved into a 3-bedroom apartment that I love, me sharing a gigantic master bedroom with my little boy and my daughter and brother each having their own room. 

My son is 10 months old and super-cute:

https://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag66/ProserpinaPomegranate/constantine_workstation_zps840abce9.jpg 

My daughter is 97 months old, also cute: 

https://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag66/ProserpinaPomegranate/harleycostabottlescrib_zps5977853b.jpg

Hope you all are well!


----------



## daneuse27

So glad to hear that things are going well! This thread had just popped into my mind randomly the other day and I wondered how things were going. Your kids look healthy and happy. You are so strong and an amazing mama! 
I'm glad that you have your brother living with you, it must be nice for the kids.

Did you ever find out if your ex's new roommate?


----------



## Proserpina

New roommate is definitely a man. 

However, in mid-June ex came to me all kissy and cuddly and begging for sex. I almost slept with him, but didn't. He was begging to reconcile and I was starting to move in that direction. 

Less than a week later, he had a new girlfriend. 

He is every bit as infatuated with and obsessed with this woman as he was with Bimberly last year. And while Bimberly turned out to be a class act, this woman is a classless, stone cold, conniving, hypocritical bitch who cares nothing for the fact that he has two children to support and needs to prioritize them over fun-time with her. They are both deeply immature, selfish, tactless people who deserve one another. 

So, he wants to expedite the divorce now, and I've been able to use that as leverage. Fun times.


----------



## creatingpeace

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh lovely update!

He is such douchey material!

Glad you are well.


----------



## Proserpina

Hmm, yeah. So, I had decided to wait to file for divorce because (with children in tow) it sounded like I really needed a lawyer, which meant I really needed the cash for a lawyer. Ex decided to try and _pro se_ it. 

Our prove-up date was a joke. The judge couldn't even read his handwriting on the forms. He had filled things out wrong, had failed to fill things out, and was missing large sections of paperwork. There was giggling in the courtroom. I am so tempted to get one of those t-shirts that says, "I'm with stupid" with an arrow pointing to the right and wear it to court next time. 

In June, manboy got two parking tickets for parking on a curb in Chicago, $75 each. He told me he paid these off (and truthfully, since a fast divorce is the only leverage I have on him to get him to do this stuff, I wouldn't have signed off on the divorce right now had I known he hadn't paid them off). Got a notice in the mail this past week. Him having paid them off was another one of his lies, and now they've doubled to a total of $300 owed, and I'm still legally liable for them because he still hasn't registered the car in his name. He also got a new ticket in late July for running a red light (camera ticket). I argued him out of a similar ticket in February, but if he doesn't want to be married to me, then he doesn't need my awesome arguing services and can deal with it himself. 

Maybe, just maybe, he should have prioritized the tickets over spending $500-$600 on filing for divorce??

On Saturday he came over to my place claiming he had overpaid child support by $14 and wanted that money from me, cash, ASAP because he was broke (he gets paid today, Tuesday). Seriously? $14?! And he knows I almost *never* have cash on me. Also, he still owes me nearly $300 in medical support.


----------

