# Why do you consider yourself a natural parent?



## lepaskilf

I use cloth nappies, used to carry Tom when he was little and still use my ergo every now and again now, we co-sleep and all of his food is home cooked by me and oh.

We are also considering home schooling but I don't class myself as a natural parent as I don't feel like that, or any of the other things I do are necessarily more natural than say pushing a pram or LO sleeping in their own bed!

Why do you class yourself as a natural parent?


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## Arcanegirl

We just seem out of the ordinary to whats common around here :)


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## lepaskilf

I suppose the norm near me is to wear baby, and feed organic foods and use cloth nappies so it just seems normal to me. Definately not classed in the natural category.

For me that would be all food is self sustained - veggie patches, pigs chickens etc... all clothes and cleasning products are organically and locally sourced for both parents and children, and most of your time is spent outside in any weather, walking, playing, learning (we do this one!)


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## discoclare

i don't think i'm natural, i just hang out here as i use cloth and babywear! i have a lot of similar opinions to the majority in here, but also do oter non-np stuff. this is us:

- cloth nappies
- part-time babywear, use a pram too
- traditional weaning, as i did use a spoon, but she ate"normal foods" the same as our meals, unpureed, from when we started (6 months)
- breastfed to 7 months, then formula
- never co-slept (other than odd diffcult night)
- she has amber teething necklace
- dd is fully vaccinated for uk schedule, though i also plan to do Hep b privately (not in uk schedule)
- she will attend regular state school
- no cio/cc


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## feeble

Baby wear full time (still now at 18 months with another inside!) 

Natural birth 

Breastfeeding for as long as possible 

Cloth nappies

Baby led weaning 

Baby led routine/none routine 

Wooden toys, no plastic

Delayed schooling 

Delayed/selective vaccination

Co-slept for the first 14 months

Amber teething necklace

No sweetners, I use sugar capol, full fat drinks etc


Erm... Think that's about it! Lol


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## kit10grl

Breastfeeding as long as possible
Babywearing (part-time)
Full time cloth nappy use
BLW
co-sleeping (part-time)
Amber wearing
We dont intend to use smacking as discipline

Not sure where the lines are exaclty between AP and natural parenting, but we seem to have bits of both. Im considered 'natural' by the majority of people i know as they dont follow many of the things we do ie breastfeeding and cloth nappys, so they need a 'term' to describe me as i'm different from their style and if they can give it a term they cant 'get' it


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## feeble

See, I actually don't find the discipline side of AP or UP that natural... Not that its not good and great for kiddies etc but if you watch a monkey training their young (or infact any animal in the natural world) they certainly aren't 'gentle' about it lol!


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## mandarhino

Hell I only came in here to talk about nappies with other obsessives.

I don't think the 'natural parenting' label gets used much in RL. I've certainly never used it to describe my parenting style. Everyone who posts in here does a bit of this and a bit of that depending on what works for their family so you couldn't really come up with a definitive list of what 'natural parenting' is IMO.


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## lepaskilf

Yeah I think I'd put myself in the attachment parenting "box" if anyting!

I guess I live in a great community where breastfeeding is the norm, a lot of people have home grown veg and there are lots of baby wearers (ergos everywhere!!) and there's a cloth nappy warehouse (for the babykind website) just down the road. So as it is the norm I just didn't know what to call myself!

It feels a bit kleeky sometimes round here and people who formula feed or put juice in their lo's cups! can sometimes be looked down upon which is a real shame!


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## Mum2b_Claire

I'm not sure what label I'd put on myself really, but I definitely parent very differently to the norm where I live. If I was forced to use a label I'd probably say I was a conscious parent, in that I don't do things just because everyone else does, I really think about things and research them and make sure they are really what I want to be doing.


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## Tacey

I find the term natural parenting a bit odd really. Strange things end up in here - like what's natural about rear facing or even cloth nappies? I can't really offer an alternative, and we all know what is meant by it, but I wouldn't class myself as a natural parent.

I don't even consider myself to be AP or UP, although my parenting is strongly influenced by both. I think our parenting and lifestyle choices are quite different from the norm, but I don't think of it as a tick list of 'natural' things to do. They are choices we make because they make sense for our family. Apart from giving us a recognisable way to find information, I think the labels are pretty worthless.


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## feeble

Well, cloth nappies arent disposable land-fillers, or full of chemicals so I would say they are pretty natural :) 

True about the rear facing though... I wouldn't really count that as being 'natural' more just sensible lol 

I think most things labelled as natural are so, but a few things confuse me too :)


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## Tacey

feeble said:


> Well, cloth nappies arent disposable land-fillers, or full of chemicals so I would say they are pretty natural :)
> 
> True about the rear facing though... I wouldn't really count that as being 'natural' more just sensible lol
> 
> I think most things labelled as natural are so, but a few things confuse me too :)

Not as natural as EC :winkwink:


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## Rachel_C

I think things like ERF get put in here because this forum tends to be full of people who are used to being a bit different so is generally a more tolerant place. If you even mention ERF in baby club, for example, you're bound to get somebody saying "So you're saying I don't love my child as much as you do? Get off your high horse!", whereas people in here, even if they don't agree with you, are more used to being in a minority so don't get as touchy about things! It's a safe haven in here.


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## feeble

I didn't realise it was a competition lol

I think ec is very natural also, but that doesn't make cloth nappies unnatural, you could say BLW isn't natural unless it's food the family have harvested/found themselves, or that eating meat is unnatural... But Blw is quite natural compared to mainstream tw methods so I reckon it passes ;) 

I suppose that's the thing, cloth nappies obviously aren't natural to you, gentle discipline is not natural to me (not that I don't practise it, just I don't find it natural) but its whatever you make of it... A none defined set of ideas that depend on the person...


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## Snuffy

I don't think of myself as a "natural parent". I've had two sections, the second planned, FF, don't co-sleep and use a pram.

However we do use cloth nappies and I am more interested in slings this time round than the pram obsession that occupied me last time. 

I just like it in here because it's less snarky than other parts of the forum :D


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## lepaskilf

Tacey said:


> I find the term natural parenting a bit odd really. Strange things end up in here - like what's natural about rear facing or even cloth nappies? I can't really offer an alternative, and we all know what is meant by it, but I wouldn't class myself as a natural parent.
> 
> I don't even consider myself to be AP or UP, although my parenting is strongly influenced by both. I think our parenting and lifestyle choices are quite different from the norm, but I don't think of it as a tick list of 'natural' things to do. They are choices we make because they make sense for our family. Apart from giving us a recognisable way to find information, I think the labels are pretty worthless.

I understand this completely! Cloth nappying isn't necesseraly natural, it does have more environmental benefits over sposies, but they are still made from plastic and will eventually need to be thrown away!

This forum is a great place to express our alternative methods of parenting without judgement x


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## TwoMummies

I don't but this is where I was sent for cloth nappy advice.

Although I am planning to BF as well.

Not co-sleeping but only because OH is a smoker and am too much of a pram addict to babywear full time but I will use a carrier for walking the dog as there is no way i'm pushing a pram over the fields.


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## littlestar85

Mum2b_Claire said:


> I'm not sure what label I'd put on myself really, but I definitely parent very differently to the norm where I live. If I was forced to use a label I'd probably say I was a conscious parent, in that I don't do things just because everyone else does, I really think about things and research them and make sure they are really what I want to be doing.

I like this - "a conscious parent" - I'm also not quite sure how I'd label myself but I feel I fit in most with the 'natural parent' label. I believe in the Attachment Parenting theory and love The Continuum Concept although we haven't incorporated _all_ aspects of either. 

I breastfeed on demand and will until LO self weans, we did BLW, I prefer to only feed LO organic food, I'm very much against 'discipline' in the telling off sense (and definitely anti-smacking), we co-sleep, I babywear, I hate the idea of sleep training, behavioural training etc. 

I've tried very hard to research child psychology, human/maternal/survival instinct etc. (which is why I like the "conscious parent" label) and I just believe that children need, deserve and have the right to unconditional love and affection, breastmilk on demand until self-weaning, natural eating habits and healthy food, free thinking and free play, physical exercise and fun, to feel safe and protected, to go to sleep calmly in whichever way makes them happy - be that on the breast, being cuddled, sung to etc. to receive a stimulating and enriching education and to have the unconditional love and support of their parents as they turn into whoever it is they will grow up to be. 

:flower:


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## Tacey

feeble said:


> I didn't realise it was a competition lol
> 
> I think ec is very natural also, but that doesn't make cloth nappies unnatural, you could say BLW isn't natural unless it's food the family have harvested/found themselves, or that eating meat is unnatural... But Blw is quite natural compared to mainstream tw methods so I reckon it passes ;)
> 
> I suppose that's the thing, cloth nappies obviously aren't natural to you, gentle discipline is not natural to me (not that I don't practise it, just I don't find it natural) but its whatever you make of it... A none defined set of ideas that depend on the person...

It's not a competition of course, but that's my issue with it. When you start having a list of criteria that are considered for some arbitrary reason 'natural' I feel like it becomes constrictive. I used cloth with Alice, and will next time. I don't feel that it's a particularly natural thing to do, but then neither is living in a house with a flushing loo or buying food from the supermarket. My post was a bit flippant really. I don't mind the 'natural' label, I do most of the things that fit into this section, but I don't consider myself a natural parent. It just seems vague to me and potentially alienating.


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## jen1604

I would never say I was a natural parent in any situation in real life, it just sounds silly. 'Hello, I'm Jen, I'm a natural parent, what kind of parent are you?' :rofl: 

I mostly just hang around in here because I know who everyone is and I like the nappy chat ;) We do cloth nappies (obviously), did BLW, I co-slept with Fi and they were both 'worn' and we kind of follow attachment parenting but I wouldn't say any of it was ever a conscious decision, just did what came naturally. Maybe thats what being a natural parent is about though. Although I guess if it comes naturally to you to lock your child in a playpen for 6 hours with a Fruit Shoot we wouldn't welcome that person into this section. I don't know, I've confused myself. 

{disclaimer- if anyone from baby club wanders in and reads this, no I'm not saying you don't love your child because you use a playpen and offer Fruit Shoots, we have indulged occasionally in those little juicy bottles :p, just 6 hours is a bit excessive}


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## feeble

Tacey said:


> feeble said:
> 
> 
> I didn't realise it was a competition lol
> 
> I think ec is very natural also, but that doesn't make cloth nappies unnatural, you could say BLW isn't natural unless it's food the family have harvested/found themselves, or that eating meat is unnatural... But Blw is quite natural compared to mainstream tw methods so I reckon it passes ;)
> 
> I suppose that's the thing, cloth nappies obviously aren't natural to you, gentle discipline is not natural to me (not that I don't practise it, just I don't find it natural) but its whatever you make of it... A none defined set of ideas that depend on the person...
> 
> It's not a competition of course, but that's my issue with it. When you start having a list of criteria that are considered for some arbitrary reason 'natural' I feel like it becomes constrictive. I used cloth with Alice, and will next time. I don't feel that it's a particularly natural thing to do, but then neither is living in a house with a flushing loo or buying food from the supermarket. My post was a bit flippant really. I don't mind the 'natural' label, I do most of the things that fit into this section, but I don't consider myself a natural parent. It just seems vague to me and potentially alienating.Click to expand...

I find it much, much less alienating than other parenting labels... 

I would never ever ever ever label myself an 'attachment parent' because to me it suggests that all other types of parents are 'detached parents' 

same with 'uncondtional parenting' i dont have to have read your book to unconditionally love my child thank you very much! 

I actually think that 'natural parenting' is one of the nicest, least negative towards the rest of the world than any of the others. I also think it sort of bands those together who think in a certain way... i certainly dont use it in everyday life (or ever really :) ) but we all knew what it meant on the forum when looking for our 'bit' and in that way it bonds us ;)


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## lepaskilf

feeble said:


> Tacey said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> feeble said:
> 
> 
> I didn't realise it was a competition lol
> 
> I think ec is very natural also, but that doesn't make cloth nappies unnatural, you could say BLW isn't natural unless it's food the family have harvested/found themselves, or that eating meat is unnatural... But Blw is quite natural compared to mainstream tw methods so I reckon it passes ;)
> 
> I suppose that's the thing, cloth nappies obviously aren't natural to you, gentle discipline is not natural to me (not that I don't practise it, just I don't find it natural) but its whatever you make of it... A none defined set of ideas that depend on the person...
> 
> It's not a competition of course, but that's my issue with it. When you start having a list of criteria that are considered for some arbitrary reason 'natural' I feel like it becomes constrictive. I used cloth with Alice, and will next time. I don't feel that it's a particularly natural thing to do, but then neither is living in a house with a flushing loo or buying food from the supermarket. My post was a bit flippant really. I don't mind the 'natural' label, I do most of the things that fit into this section, but I don't consider myself a natural parent. It just seems vague to me and potentially alienating.Click to expand...
> 
> I find it much, much less alienating than other parenting labels...
> 
> I would never ever ever ever label myself an 'attachment parent' because to me it suggests that all other types of parents are 'detached parents'
> 
> same with 'uncondtional parenting' i dont have to have read your book to unconditionally love my child thank you very much!
> 
> I actually think that 'natural parenting' is one of the nicest, least negative towards the rest of the world than any of the others. I also think it sort of bands those together who think in a certain way... i certainly dont use it in everyday life (or ever really :) ) but we all knew what it meant on the forum when looking for our 'bit' and in that way it bonds us ;)Click to expand...

That makes sense about the attachment parenting label!! I've never heard of Unconditional Parenting!! Does that mean that those who don't "abide" only love their child on a conditional bases?!!


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## feeble

basically yes! 

there is a bit more to it but i have to say, i have found it very hard to get to any sort of understanding with it after being throughly put off by the pompous title!


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## lepaskilf

feeble said:


> basically yes!
> 
> there is a bit more to it but i have to say, i have found it very hard to get to any sort of understanding with it after being throughly put off by the pompous title!

*googles* "Unconditional Parenting"


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## Tacey

But doesn't that make other parents 'unnatural'? I just don't like labels per se. The UP / AP labels are exactly what I mean about how people can feel alienated if they don't fit neatly into that particular theory (and frankly, who does?). Having an all encompassing term can make people feel that they aren't good enough. I love the theory of UP, and AP and try to implement both as much as I can, but I don't think of myself as an unconditional or attachment parent. I'm just a parent.

I'm playing Devil's advocate here. It really doesn't bother me that much. I know we have to have labels to find the information we need. It's a short hand so you don't have to explain everything in detail. I just don't choose to label myself that way.

Ooh, and lepaskilf, this is a good starting point to find out about UP.


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## feeble

i dont think any of us do label ourselves really... its just that its clear from the forum labelled 'natural' what its going to entail x 

i feel differently about the term 'natural' - 'unnatural' because yes disposible, chemical filled nappies ARE unnatural, doesnt give the sub text that they are 'bad' though... 

we all do things that are unnatural in life, as was said by a PP, using flushing loos or washing machines... so i dont think the term 'unnatural' is intrinsically 'bad' whereas i dont honestly believe ANYONE would be happy labelled as a 'conditional' or 'detached' parent...


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## Tacey

feeble said:


> i dont think any of us do label ourselves really... its just that its clear from the forum labelled 'natural' what its going to entail x
> 
> i feel differently about the term 'natural' - 'unnatural' because yes disposible, chemical filled nappies ARE unnatural, doesnt give the sub text that they are 'bad' though...
> 
> we all do things that are unnatural in life, as was said by a PP, using flushing loos or washing machines... so i dont think the term 'unnatural' is intrinsically 'bad' whereas i dont honestly believe ANYONE would be happy labelled as a 'conditional' or 'detached' parent...

I think we're probably arguing the same point here! That's what I meant when I was saying about our lives being 'unnatural' (that PP was me by the way!) 

I actually don't think people would like being termed unnatural, but who knows?


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## feeble

hmmm i see what you mean... but actually i think (maybe wrongly x) that parents who just dont worry about things like cloth nappies, no parabins etc etc etc that they just consider themselves a 'parent' and so do I/we

so i dont even think its about being 'unnatural' its different to that but really hard to explain! 

hehehe interesting discussion though xx


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## Blah11

I dont really feel like a natural parent either.

I BF for 'extended' amount of time
babywear
BLW
cloth nappies
home birth which was pain relief free
cosleep part time

thats it i think :shrug: I do things that feel natural to me i suppose but I don't feel like Im earth mother hippy type at all LOL


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## lepaskilf

Tacey said:


> But doesn't that make other parents 'unnatural'? I just don't like labels per se. The UP / AP labels are exactly what I mean about how people can feel alienated if they don't fit neatly into that particular theory (and frankly, who does?). Having an all encompassing term can make people feel that they aren't good enough. I love the theory of UP, and AP and try to implement both as much as I can, but I don't think of myself as an unconditional or attachment parent. I'm just a parent.
> 
> I'm playing Devil's advocate here. It really doesn't bother me that much. I know we have to have labels to find the information we need. It's a short hand so you don't have to explain everything in detail. I just don't choose to label myself that way.
> 
> Ooh, and lepaskilf, this is a good starting point to find out about UP.

Thanks for the link! I've had a look more in the UP and I do do a few things that they consider UP, I definately won't be able to not praise my child like in the link! That just comes naturally!

I also do things from the AP category and from the "non" category , I don't know what to call it, the one where I suppose what people class as the "normal" things like putting juice in to his cup and giving him shop bough snadwiches! 

Alot of what I do, no matter what 'category' it's in is instinctive!! 

So I have no


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## LittleBoo

Because I rely mainly on instinct. I've always kept Cas close to me, we have a routine but if he's not happy with it I change it to suit him. I've used the pram all of 5 times and we go out near enough every day. Apart from going to the groups focused on baby wearing, I've *never* seen anyone else baby wearing. I don't breastfeed, but I do feel it's the one of the most natural, beautiful things in the world. We're half cloth at the moment as I've only got 5 in total, but once I've built up my collection we'll be switching to full time cloth. I don't have a dishwasher and try to hand wash as much as possible (not parenting related but still, every little helps) and I just think of myself as more in touch with nature than many of those around me. I'm babyled, as much as possible.


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## kit10grl

I agree with others also that this section tends to be a bit more accomodating of other peoples views when they are different to their own. Unlike babyclub. This thread in babyclub would already have descended into 'you said i dotn love my baby as much as cos i dont ERF/Cloth diaper/AP' etc etc

It seems everytime i post there these days i end up having to repost explaining as someone takes offence and turns it into a debate that has nothing to do with the original post. Where here people are much more likely to be 'really thats different to how i do things how does that work?' instead of 'its different its wrong'

I do think the list of rules for AP/UP can be a bit restrictive as although i would say im more AP than any other theory, i certainly dont follow all the rules. And am doing what i was doing anyway before i read the rules. I didnt change how i parent to be AP but how i parent kinda fits in with AP


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## sophxx

I know quite a few hippy earth mums and I guess I fit in with them we don't cloth nappy as they leak but we use organic nappies and wipes I only use organic skin care shampoo make up foundation everything that touches my skin I only use natural rock slat deodorant. I grow veg we eat in summer the veg we don't have in winter as it's to cold to grow I buy organic I don't eat meat but I have organic meat for others everything is organic even tea bags coffee ect. I use natural cleaners natural washing powder we co sleep as that makes lo happy i make organic yogurt ect. I think everyone has there own idea of what type of parent they are but IMO there's far more to being a natural parent than cloth nappying and baby wareing x


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## Maman

Im not a 'natural parent' but parenting does come naturally to me :)

to be honest, ive had 2 sections, used sposies on my first son (i only know one other cloth using parent in my area!) and never considered anything other than breastfeeding, i guess you could try to pigeon hole me in to natural parenting because i do what i think is the most natural choice and act soley on instinct, but theres plenty of things i do that are unnnatural (such as using a pram sometimes, im scared im going to fall as my eyesight nto great and i have joint problems so im not stable and i live on a massive hill!)

i think labelling yourself means youre following a fashion not necesarily doing what you genuinely feel is best for you and baby


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## nickyXjayno

I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.


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## lepaskilf

nickyXjayno said:


> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.

I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds x


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## Brookey

i dont know whether im a natural parent or not! i must say i dont really like labels, but obviously in b&b there are labels to each section.

I breastfed exclusively for 6 months and now he has formula a couple of times a day.
We co-sleep.
I carry him in a Moby sometimes but sometimes use the stroller.
I dont use cloth nappies (would love to but cant really afford it atm)
He has a treasure basket with natural toys.
No enforced routine.

So you can see from the above, im a bit of a mish mash! i guess im a natural parent in the sense that i just do what comes naturally to me!


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## vaniilla

I don't see it as a label I see it as more of a lifestyle, we are conscious of our carbon footprint and we try to be as eco friendly as we can, being a natural parent means different things to different people, for us its being close to nature and being respectful of nature.


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## nickyXjayno

lepaskilf said:


> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.
> 
> I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds xClick to expand...

I've always been of the opinion if someone has help looking after a child as they can't cope alone then their not a parent but part care giver. 
my sil has handed her son off to her mam/gran his entire life. 
I don't consider her a natural mother.


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## feeble

weird because i consider it VERY natural that Jasper has had a community of people around him from birth. I dont think its unnatural at all, especially considering how monkeys and gorillas live!

i think suggesting that unless your child is with you 24/7, you are not a parent is quite gobsmacking actually x


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## OnErth&InHvn

Im a NP/AP at least i was by time i got to DD2 :blush:

I had a VBA2C (not without pain meds though, sorry!)
I Breastfed her 1yr and she had homemade baby food
I use to wear her (i still would TBH)
I cloth diapered her 
We didnt CIO/No spanking now that shes older
We co-slept and still do on occasion. We co-room though/co-bed as we only have 1 bedroom
We homeschool

Im slighty crunchy when it comes to how "natural" i am. :haha:


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## aliss

nickyXjayno said:


> lepaskilf said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.
> 
> I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds xClick to expand...
> 
> I've always been of the opinion if someone has help looking after a child as they can't cope alone then their not a parent but part care giver.
> my sil has handed her son off to her mam/gran his entire life.
> I don't consider her a natural mother.Click to expand...

The most "natural" mothers around, the women who give birth alone in a mud hut, breastfeed or their baby will die, do elimination communication from day 1, will hand off their baby to their sister on month 2 and go work in a field pulling wheat grass for 10 hours straight. That's the way women have done it for millions of years. "Milk sisters" exist for that very reason. Women were never meant to do it alone, we were meant to do it TOGETHER. 

Martha Sears, co-writer of attachment parenting, co-slept and breastfed all 8 of her babies at night while working as a breastfeeding counselor in the day. Is she unnatural?

You aren't a natural parent because of it, you just put down other mothers to try and make yourself feel better. You're a condescending mother. Yes, I'm also referring to that thread where you said other mothers were "pathetic" for being upset over having an emergency C-section.

And I am a 24/7 SAHM whose child almost died in labour as well (non-C section). Seriously. Stop trying to put others down and hurt them to make yourself feel better. It's cruel and sets a poor example for your child. Being a good mother is not about bragging about martyrdom, it's about teaching your child to show others kindness and respect. Perhaps you are still struggling with the trauma of your child's birth and are lashing out at others to cope with it and feel better, I don't know, but I suggest some kind of counseling for your cruel attitude.


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## jen1604

nickyXjayno said:


> lepaskilf said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.
> 
> I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds xClick to expand...
> 
> I've always been of the opinion if someone has help looking after a child as they can't cope alone then their not a parent but part care giver.
> my sil has handed her son off to her mam/gran his entire life.
> I don't consider her a natural mother.Click to expand...

Do you genuinely believe that?! Even when you sit down and think really hard about it logically and sensibly? Because that's crazy. 

This is 2012. People have to be apart from their children sometimes unless they're really really lucky. I've been a single mum and worked part time and had to be away from the children for that. That doesn't make me part care giver, I've always still been mummy. And that's the case for hundreds and thousands of women.

What about women who have suffered post natal depression and need some extra help from family? What about people who just want their children to have a close relationship with grandparents/whoever and have no problem letting their children stay over one/a couple of nights a week? That doesn't make anyone less of a parent or less of a natural parent at all. I am no more natural now that I have children with me 24/7 than I was when I worked in a job where I couldn't take them with me.

Its just going to make people feel like crap who aren't as lucky as you are to get to spend every single moment with their child for whatever reason.


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## lepaskilf

nickyXjayno said:


> lepaskilf said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.
> 
> I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds xClick to expand...
> 
> I've always been of the opinion if someone has help looking after a child as they can't cope alone then their not a parent but part care giver.
> my sil has handed her son off to her mam/gran his entire life.
> I don't consider her a natural mother.Click to expand...

What an unusual opinion to have!! Am I just my childs care giver because he goes to nursery once a week? What if his father looks after him while I go out for the day? Are we both just care givers and not really parents because we share the care?


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## Rachel_C

I'm of the opinion that in a FAMILY is the natural way for humans and many animals to exist, it's basic natural survival if nothing else. It's very unnatural to me to suggest that a child should only ever be cared for by the mother. We live in a society for a reason - because we're generally better people and better providers (physically, emotionally, mentally, every -ally really!) for being around others. People go crazy when isolated. Of course some people don't have family around or find it hard to make friends. Many people prefer to look after their children themselves and I'm one of them because I don't have to work and my family live 4 hours away. My 2 year old has been away from OH and I only a few times in her whole life, mostly when she wanted to go to the park with grandma and when I gave birth to her sister. That doesn't make me any more natural than a full-time working mum IMO. IIRC it's been proven that dads experience hormonal changes when they see their babies, suggesting that they are designed to want to stay and care for the baby. So if a mum shares baby care with the father, that is the most natural thing in the world. To suggest that it makes her not a parent but a part time carergiver is ludicrous and suggests to me underlying bitterness/issues rather than an educated opinion.


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## Snuffy

nickyXjayno said:


> lepaskilf said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.
> 
> I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds xClick to expand...
> 
> I've always been of the opinion if someone has help looking after a child as they can't cope alone then their not a parent but part care giver.
> my sil has handed her son off to her mam/gran his entire life.
> I don't consider her a natural mother.Click to expand...

Superiority complex much?


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## Maman

Aliss, thats the best worded post ive EVER read on any forum.


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## feeble

And there we were thinking this was a non-bitchy part of the forum! Always one isnt there...


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## vaniilla

this all reminds me of the African proverb 'it takes a village to raise a child', nickyXjayno I hope you'll come to understand that help does not make someone weaker but it makes them stronger, it takes courage to ask for and accept help, nobody should be put down for it nor is it fair to suggest that your sil is palming off her child because she gets help, everyone copes differently, it certainly doesn't give you bragging rights.


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## Rachel_C

I suppose some people DO palm off their kids onto other people, I'm thinking the kind who are out socialising every night after work and send the kids to the grandparents' every weekend. Perhaps that's the kind of person the poster's SIL is. In that case, they're not really 'parenting' their children, I'd probably agree that's not very natural. However the vast majority of people who have other people help them care for the children are perfectly normal, natural parents who accept that other people helping doesn't automatically mean you're not a parent.


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## Dragonfly

I just consider me to be a parent just so happens it falls in to natural some of it. 
cloth nappy (changed when Alex was a few months old wish I had of always done that)
breastfeed both my children still never had formula
bed share
no baby training, cio cc etc 
gentle parenting , respectful and understanding of childs needs etc 
I grow my own veg most the year 

I do vax however and dont home school but if my child didnt like school I would consider home schooling I think. I will help my child learn outside of school.


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## lepaskilf

I won't be home schooling either. I think the schools can do a better job than me any day lol!


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## lindsayscoob

nickyXjayno said:


> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.

Thankyou so much for this. Normally I can ignore comments and even though people are very anti FF and I FF from 9 weeks, and that can be deemed 'unnatural' etc it doesn't get to me I made the RIGHT choice for me. However this comment has seriously pissed me off!!! I have gone back to work this week, seriously reluctantly, cried everyday, both before, during and after leaving LO. Cried myself to sleep every night and generally felt like the worst mummy in the world. Despite the fact she is in the nursery where I work and I only work 5 hours a day. I DID NOT want to go back but there really is no other choice at this very precise minute. We are looking at options. So your snotty comment has really made me Cross and feel even worse than I did. Next time think hard before you jusge someone on being an 'unnatural' mummy because they leave their child. Not everyone can have the luxury of staying at home with them!!!!

Sorry for the rant everyone else, like I said normally nothing bothers me, I'm a natural mummy because I look after my girls in a way that is as natural as we can do and I am happy and secure in that.


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## lindsayscoob

aliss said:


> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lepaskilf said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.
> 
> I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds xClick to expand...
> 
> I've always been of the opinion if someone has help looking after a child as they can't cope alone then their not a parent but part care giver.
> my sil has handed her son off to her mam/gran his entire life.
> I don't consider her a natural mother.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Thankyou so much for this. Normally I can ignore comments and even though people are very anti FF and I FF from 9 weeks, and that can be deemed 'unnatural' etc it doesn't get to me I made the RIGHT choice for me. However this comment has seriously pissed me off!!! I have gone back to work this week, seriously reluctantly, cried everyday, both before, during and after leaving LO. Cried myself to sleep every night and generally felt like the worst mummy in the world. Despite the fact she is in the nursery where I work and I only work 5 hours a day. I DID NOT want to go back but there really is no other choice at this very precise minute. We are looking at options. So your snotty comment has really made me Cross and feel even worse than I did. Next time think hard before you jusge someone on being an 'unnatural' mummy because they leave their child. Not everyone can have the luxury of staying at home with them!!!!
> 
> Sorry for the rant everyone else, like I said normally nothing bothers me, I'm a natural mummy because I look after my girls in a way that is as natural as we can do and I am happy and secure in that.Click to expand...


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## lindsayscoob

Sorry for the 2 replies above, got confused!!


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## feeble

It's okay Lindsay, it pissed us all off, not least because there is NOTHING natural about 'keeping' a child to yourself. They are designed to be loved by many, that's why they are so damn cute and smell so good ;)


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## lindsayscoob

feeble said:


> It's okay Lindsay, it pissed us all off, not least because there is NOTHING natural about 'keeping' a child to yourself. They are designed to be loved by many, that's why they are so damn cute and smell so good ;)

Not sure mine is smelling so cute, think its time to change some fluff.


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## feeble

In between that post n this one, I cleaned a slightly squashed poo off the floor... 

He still looks cute though (the toddler, not the poo)


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## Snuffy

I had a similar nappy earlier. Now that is more natural than I needed, especially with a poorly 3yo who announced that she doesn't want to see it or smell it thank you mummy.


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## minties

I breastfeed
I sleep with my child in my bed
I respond to his needs promptly and do not leave him to cry

To me these 3 things make me feel like a natural parent. Using cloth nappies, using natural cleaning products etc - they are good but those 3 things are fundamental to my ways of thinking.


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## freckleonear

I consider myself a natural parent because I think that nature knows best. I believe that my body is designed for birthing, that babies are born with low vitamin K for a reason, that babies are designed to breastfeed and be kept close at all times, that babies are able to eat normal food, that children don't need lots of toys to play and learn, etc.

I try to keep as close as possible to what nature intended, but it's not always possible or practical and different people put emphasis on different aspects that are important to them. I think believing in those principles is more important than whether or not you are able to follow all of them in our modern society.

The motivation for things like cloth nappies, natural cleaning products and alternative medicine is more to do with environmental or health reasons, so I suppose it's a different definition of "natural".


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## lynnikins

I consider myself a natural parent because i do what comes naturally when it comes to my kids no matter what kind of nappy i put on them or what soap they use or anything else. I dont like labels I just do what feels right for me and my family and if that means avoiding harsh chemicals and purfumed soaps and carrying my baby then thats what I do.


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## Whatme

I'm breastfeeding 
BLW
Co-sleeping
Cloth nappying 
Amber necklace 

On the flip side, I love fake tan, big hair and buying shoes! I keep all of the above to myself, as it's not common place where I live.


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## oread

I don't consider myself a "natural" parent since noone is an "unnatural" parent. I breastfeed, co-sleep, cloth diaper part time, make some baby food myself, avoid harmful chemicals whenever possible, baby wear sometimes but use a stroller too, etc. Not that those small things are super important, but I love that the women in this forum tend to be open minded about doing whatever works best for you and your baby.


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## JASMAK

I breastfeed, use organic whenever possible, co-sleep, I carry my babies (well, until my bad back gives out..so about a year or so), I don't hit or threaten, I do what comes naturally to me as a mother. I nurture my children.


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## Rachel_C

oread said:


> I don't consider myself a "natural" parent since noone is an "unnatural" parent. I breastfeed, co-sleep, cloth diaper part time, make some baby food myself, avoid harmful chemicals whenever possible, baby wear sometimes but use a stroller too, etc. Not that those small things are super important, but I love that the women in this forum tend to be open minded about doing whatever works best for you and your baby.

I actually do think some people are unnatural parents, not necessarily by informed choice but because they think that's what they're supposed to do. I've always found that it physically hurts to listen to a screaming distressed baby - the natural instinct is to comfort them, feed them, do whatever necessary to make them better - but modern Western society makes it seem like you're weak for doing that, so parents shut themselves in the living room with ear plugs in and sob because they can still hear the baby crying yet they're 'not supposed' to comfort them. That's pretty unnatural IMO. It's not the parents' fault but it isn't natural. Of course some people naturally do want to ignore the baby, but I think most people don't but they don't feel like they're allowed to be natural, which is really sad :(


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## Dragonfly

Rachel_C said:


> oread said:
> 
> 
> I don't consider myself a "natural" parent since noone is an "unnatural" parent. I breastfeed, co-sleep, cloth diaper part time, make some baby food myself, avoid harmful chemicals whenever possible, baby wear sometimes but use a stroller too, etc. Not that those small things are super important, but I love that the women in this forum tend to be open minded about doing whatever works best for you and your baby.
> 
> I actually do think some people are unnatural parents, not necessarily by informed choice but because they think that's what they're supposed to do. I've always found that it physically hurts to listen to a screaming distressed baby - the natural instinct is to comfort them, feed them, do whatever necessary to make them better - but modern Western society makes it seem like you're weak for doing that, so parents shut themselves in the living room with ear plugs in and sob because they can still hear the baby crying yet they're 'not supposed' to comfort them. That's pretty unnatural IMO. It's not the parents' fault but it isn't natural. Of course some people naturally do want to ignore the baby, but I think most people don't but they don't feel like they're allowed to be natural, which is really sad :(Click to expand...

I agree it is sad. They fear spoiling their child with affection and creating a monster so independence is forced. I see a lot of it its very sad. I seen lots of children spoiled with affection though turned out nothing like these people who tell you that you spoil kids with attention. On the other hand babies who dont receive much affection and attention turn out to be higher needs adults and children. I am working on changing that I have a wonderful facebook page with lots of people being re educated. :hugs:


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## feeble

I agree, i think for a long time society strove to create 'unnatural' parenting and its only recently that we are making waves against that. 

It is still considered fine to leave very young babies to cry, my mother suggested it 'so we could enjoy a meal' when Jasper was 2 weeks old, she wanted me to leave him in the bedroom with the doors closed! 

I also think chemical nappies, processed food and early weaning are 'unnatural'


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## oread

I can agree that I don't think cry it out is a natural tendency. But sometimes when I'm really frustrated I'll let my daugter cry for a few minutes so I also hate the pressure that makes it sound like you're a terrible parent if you ever let your baby cry.

Don't get me wrong, I love cloth diapers and whole foods and the like. But I don't automatically rail against anything that isnt natural because some "unnatural" things are truly fantastic. Contact lenses! Medicines! Even processed foods are better than no food at all. *shrug* its all relative so I think its kinda insulting to call someone an 'unnatural' parent for using disposable diapers, as we sit on our oh so natural computers ;)


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## feeble

oread said:


> I can agree that I don't think cry it out is a natural tendency. But sometimes when I'm really frustrated I'll let my daugter cry for a few minutes so I also hate the pressure that makes it sound like you're a terrible parent if you ever let your baby cry.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, I love cloth diapers and whole foods and the like. But I don't automatically rail against anything that isnt natural because some "unnatural" things are truly fantastic. Contact lenses! Medicines! Even processed foods are better than no food at all. *shrug* its all relative so I think its kinda insulting to call someone an 'unnatural' parent for using disposable diapers, as we sit on our oh so natural computers ;)


But I would never label someone as 'unnatural' 

Let's face it unless we all lived up trees and pooed in holes and drank water collected from fern leaves, we ain't natural :) 

But we make natural choices, and that's what this forum is about, making natural choices in life where we can :)


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## Miss_Quirky

I don't know about being a "natural" parent as that has a heavy meaning where I live (very granola-heavy opinions, not that that's bad :haha: ) but probably more AP. With my little guy I hope to 

Breastfeed as long as he needs
Babywear almost all the time (I do have a pram because it was a great deal on a stroller-pram-carseat in one)
BLW, as long as I can. My mum couldn't breastfeed me so started be on home made baby food when I was almost 5 months since she couldn't feed me like she wanted.
Not really co-sleeping for personal reasons, but we will be sharing a room with him until he has been sleeping through the night for a while and we can afford a 2-bedroom.
And I only believe in spanking to be used as a threat. My mum only had to spank me twice my entire life, because after that she could just threaten it and I'd behave...sometimes kids are like that imo.

But what does, I think, make me slightly NP is that I am very holistic in my approach to medicine. I come from a family of doctors, pharmacists, EMTs and paramedics, and am VERY familiar with what is necessary, what's not, what medications have huge risks, what have holistic alternatives that work just as well if not better, and also what has BARELY passed the FDA. But I do know that certain things, the risks outweigh the benefits, and in others it's the other way.


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## rwhite

I'm a bit of everything really, and use a lot of 'methods' from both parenting styles.

The things that I do/have done that would fall under natural parenting:

-Cloth nappying (although we made the switch to cloth late, despite being interested in it while pregnant)
-Breastfeeding (breastfed Lachlan for 6 months, plan to breastfeed my next LO for a minimum of 1 year but preferably longer).
-We did have amber for Lachlan but I'm not actually sure it was genuine, will be investing in another necklace for next LO.
-I babywear, although I use the pram as well. I think I would babywear a lot more if I had a sling other than a pouch sling - I find it very difficult to wear my 14kg toddler around for long periods of time in the sling I have as it doesn't distribute weight evenly. If I had an ergo I'd baby wear the majority of the time.

I do these things because they just feel right to do :shrug: I like coming in here for the fluffy bums and baby wearing :dance:


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## Eliza_V

aliss said:


> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lepaskilf said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nickyXjayno said:
> 
> 
> I consider myself a natural parent because I feed my child myself & look after him by myself. no breaks or people coming over to help.
> 
> I breastfed Tom till he was 14 months old. He never took a bottle so it was me every 2-3 hours! It was hard, but I didn't consider myself a natural parent because of it. I praised any help I could get in between those feeds xClick to expand...
> 
> I've always been of the opinion if someone has help looking after a child as they can't cope alone then their not a parent but part care giver.
> my sil has handed her son off to her mam/gran his entire life.
> I don't consider her a natural mother.Click to expand...
> 
> The most "natural" mothers around, the women who give birth alone in a mud hut, breastfeed or their baby will die, do elimination communication from day 1, will hand off their baby to their sister on month 2 and go work in a field pulling wheat grass for 10 hours straight. That's the way women have done it for millions of years. "Milk sisters" exist for that very reason. Women were never meant to do it alone, we were meant to do it TOGETHER.
> 
> Martha Sears, co-writer of attachment parenting, co-slept and breastfed all 8 of her babies at night while working as a breastfeeding counselor in the day. Is she unnatural?
> 
> You aren't a natural parent because of it, you just put down other mothers to try and make yourself feel better. You're a condescending mother. Yes, I'm also referring to that thread where you said other mothers were "pathetic" for being upset over having an emergency C-section.
> 
> And I am a 24/7 SAHM whose child almost died in labour as well (non-C section). Seriously. Stop trying to put others down and hurt them to make yourself feel better. It's cruel and sets a poor example for your child. Being a good mother is not about bragging about martyrdom, it's about teaching your child to show others kindness and respect. Perhaps you are still struggling with the trauma of your child's birth and are lashing out at others to cope with it and feel better, I don't know, but I suggest some kind of counseling for your cruel attitude.Click to expand...

THANK YOU :thumbup:

I haven't read beyond this post so far, but thank you for saying something. I'm sick of certain people posting just to get a reaction, cause drama or make themselves feel better by putting other people down. Really annoys me!!

Time to read the rest of the thread now :coffee:


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## Eliza_V

I sit on the fence with the "label" of Natural Parenting, tbh. I've been 'accused' (for want of a better word) of being an "Earth mother" as I breastfeed, don't let LO cry, cuddle her a lot, occasionally babywear, and generally don't like being apart from her. On the flip side, I use the pram/car seat a hell of a lot more than I babywear, I don't co-sleep, LO went into her own room at 5 months, we use disposable nappies and don't bother with choosing only organic things. But that's what works for us, and LO seems happy with that :thumbup: At the end of the day, I like that there's lots of different styles of parenting, as it gives us plenty of options to choose from and cycle through when met with different obstacles (for example, co-sleeping during a growth spurt, formula top ups if struggling with BF, babywearing if pushchair is broken, disposables if all cloth nappies are in the wash etc.. Just a few ideas that popped into my head). So I don't fit into a group really, I'm 'just' a parent! :thumbup: :)


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