# i've lost one of my boys



## loulou1983

ladies

i lost one of my boys ( Nicholas) at 17 days old. He died so suddenly at home last weekend. H I'm so devastated I hardly know what to write. Its taken me a week to write this message to let you know. We had to go to look for a single pram this afternoon for Alex and my heart is breaking...we left the shop with nothing. I just want to curl up and sob but i have a baby to look after and he needs me.


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## Char&Bump-x

So so sorry :hugs:


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## pinklizzy

So sorry :hugs:


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## wild2011

really sorry xx


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## Vickie

:cry: so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## mbj46

I've never posted on this forum before, but your post made me want to respond ... I am praying for you right now, praying you will find comfort through this awful time of anguish. My words seem so inadequate, but I do want you to know you are being prayed for - I'm asking for God's comfort be with you and your family, that in unexpected ways you will feel the presence of angels surrounding you, that even now you would feel wrapped in a protective love. I also pray for your baby Alex, that he will feel connected to you and your family, that even in the middle of this anguish, that he would know he is loved and precious to you. God be with you.


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## rainbows_x

I am so, so sorry.
You and your family are in my thoughts. :hugs:xxx


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## _Vicky_

oh my darling I have no words - I cant imagine how you feel. God I feel useless, my heart breaks for you.

Have you visited the loss section on here? I know that the ladies there get lots of support from each other? https://www.babyandbump.com/stillbirths-neonatal-loss-sids/


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## loulou1983

i've lurked amd read a few posts in the loss section but not ready to post there yet. I will in time. Feel gutted that alex has lost his twin. We are waiting on post mortem results but the hospital are preparing us for a SIDS diagnosis. I feel so guilty. He died in my arms whilst breastfeeding...i fell asleep and found him when i woke up at 3am. God its so awful i just cant get my head around it. I shouldnt have fallen asleep.


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## needausername

So sorry xxx


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## mamato2more

Oh my ggosh...I am so, so sorry. My heart just breaks for you..I know the pain, not first hand, but my best friend had to bury a child. I saw the pain, agony..If you ever want to talk, please reach out, and grab that baby and love him too! Cling to him, as I am sure you are doing....to you and your hubby, and entire family, my prayers and sorrowful thoughts..


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## _Vicky_

Oh god - dont ever blame yourself!!!!!! We all know how shatteringly exhausting newborn twins are DONT EVER EVER EVER BLAME YOURSELF!!! I for one did exactly what you did and fell asleep while feeding.

Alex will be fine I guarentee it dont you worry about that - Nicholas will always be with you all. 

God am I making all this worse? If you can think of anything I can do to help in any way - finding support organisations or anything please please just ask xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## stella123

My thoughts are with you and your family :hugs:


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## chan8180

no words are ever going to be enough but just could'nt read it and go without just saying im so sorry for your loss and my thoughts are with you all at this awful time xxx


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## Nic1107

I am so sorry for your loss :cry: 
:hugs:
I don't know what to say. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. xx


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## ~KACI~

I'm so sorry for you loss :hugs:

Fly high LO x x


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## netty

i,m so sorry :hugs:


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## baby09

No-one should ever have to go through this I'm so so sorry you are x you're in my thoughts xxx


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## mamato2more

It is not your fault. But, I will tell you, every time a parent looses a child, the automatic thought is that they did something wrong..you will have to work yourself through that in time...you did nothing wrong!


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## TwoBumps

I'm so sorry hun. I really have no words that can comfort you, but please don't ever blame yourself. My thoughts are with you and your family x x x x


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## FlowerFairy

Oh, I am so sorry. It was nothing you did. Never blame yourself. Thoughts ar with you and your family xxxxxxxxxx


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## cheryl6

Im sorry to read of ur loss
My thoughts and prayers are with you xxx


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## MrsBandEgglet

I am so so sorry for your loss :cry: Sweet dreams precious boy :angel: xx


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## EllaS

i am so sorry for your loss, this has me in tears and i cant think of anything to say that will help but didnt want to read and run. my thoughts are with you and your family, sleep tight nicholas, i think some babies are perhaps too precious for this world xxxx


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## winegums

I'm so unbelievably sorry but please remember it is not your fault! my thoughts and prayers are with you xxx


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## Vici

My thoughts and prayers are with you all. Sleep tight little one x


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## onemoreplease

i cant imagine what you are all going through, im so so so sorry xx


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## honey08

so so so sorry :cry:


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## Gem83

So very sorry x x x


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## bek74

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, please don't ever blame yourself you did nothing wrong. SIDS is just horrible and cruel..

I don't know what else I can say but like Vicki said " if there is ANYTHING I can do to help support you just let me know"
:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## sarah0108

im so sorry for your loss hun :cry: it is NOT your fault :hugs:


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## 24/7

Truely sorry for your loss. xxx


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## charliebear

:hug: I'm so sorry for your loss. x


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## LeannieB

So sorry for your loss. xx


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## Mrs-C

I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm so sorry, :hugs:


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## v2007

I am so sorry :cry:

V xxx


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## Samemka

I am so deeply sorry hun xxxx


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## fuzzylu

So sorry for your loss

xx


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## PepsiChic

im so very sorry for your loss


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## dragondrums

I am so sorry hun, words could never say, bless you and your family :hugs:


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## cleckner04

:cry: I'm sat here in tears from your story and I just had to offer my condolences and wish you well. My prayers are with you and your family in this difficult time. :hugs::hugs:


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## lizziedripping

You poor, poor girl :cry::nope:

Words cannot express how absolutely gutted I feel for you right now. My heart is aching :cry: All of us fear the loss of a child, few of us actually have to face it, and the loss of a twin I believe has an added dimension of pain which must be particularly hard to bear my love.

You are a wonderful, loving, mum who does not deserve this pain, and you are in NO WAY responsible. Please, please seek help from the women who know how you are feeling, those that have been there - you really do need their help over the coming months. DOn't try to be brave my love - healing from bubba's loss is going to take time and support.

THinking of you and your family sweetheart :hugs:


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## LilLickysBump

So sorry for your loss my love -
my thoughts are with you and your family xxx


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## billy2mm

you did nothing wrong. every mother with a new born dozes off at times while feeding them - i know i did. he died happy and content in your arms honey! he will alwasy be there with you and his brother. dont you dare blame yourself!!! it is not your fault!!

fly high lo and look after your mummy daddy and brother!


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## Laura2919

Oh huni! I am so sorry! :hugs: RIP Nicholas watch over your family xxx


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## Kota

So sorry for your loss. xx


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## Blondie2008

So sorry to hear this - its devastating. Your all in my thoughts xxx


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## Twinminator

lizziedripping said:


> You poor, poor girl :cry::nope:
> 
> Words cannot express how absolutely gutted I feel for you right now. My heart is aching :cry: All of us fear the loss of a child, few of us actually have to face it, and the loss of a twin I believe has an added dimension of pain which must be particularly hard to bear my love.
> 
> You are a wonderful, loving, mum who does not deserve this pain, and you are in NO WAY responsible. Please, please seek help from the women who know how you are feeling, those that have been there - you really do need their help over the coming months. DOn't try to be brave my love - healing from bubba's loss is going to take time and support.
> 
> THinking of you and your family sweetheart :hugs:

I could not have put it better than this, so I quote it to echo its sentiments entirely :nope: :cry: :hugs: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## clarebo9

Bless you and your family, you are in my thoughts x x x


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## jenny_wren

i'm so sorry :cry:​


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## FayDanielle

So so sorry for your loss
:hugs:
xxx


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## massacubano

sorry :hug:


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## Serenity81

I am so very sorry for your loss, I wish there was something else I could say to offer you some comfort but I know no words will make any difference. I am thinking of you and your family at this very difficult time :hugs: xx


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## I_AM_LIVID

:cry:I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby boy. I too have lost a baby, and know what you are going through. Please dont blame yourself for what happened, it is not your fault. I know there are very little words to comfort and console, but please know that many of us are thinking and praying for you during these dark hours. Please PM me if you ever need to talk.

And although you are not ready to post in the sids and loss section yet, wanted to let you know that the ladies there are wonderful and truly godsend. My condolences to you, your partner and your family. RIP little one. :angel:


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## Mrs.W

I'm so sorry, you and your family are in my thoughts xx


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## twinmummy06

im so sorry for your loss :hugs: my thoughts are with you and your family


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## hopeandpray

I am so deeply sorry :hugs: What happened was awful but not your fault. Your son will always be a twin, even if now he'll be in a single buggy you will always have your angel looking after his brother


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## Sevenladybugs

I'm so very sorry for your loss! :hugs: There isn't anything I can say to offer comfort except it was not your fault and we are all praying for you and your OH :hugs:


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## reedsgirl1138

I am so sorry for your loss. May God be with you and your family during this time. Fly high little Angel.


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## MummyIwanabe

I am so sorry for your loss :cry: truly awful news :nope: it wasn't your fault hun.
Words seem useless at times like this. Thinking of you xx


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## MrsT2B

Im so so so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Fly high little one 

xxxx


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## loulou1983

thank you all for your messages of support. Alex and I are doing o.k. trying to find a balnce between grieving nicholas and trying to enjoy his twin brother. no easy task! feeling really cheated by motherhood to be honest. this is not what i spent months preparing for. my single buggy should be delivered tomorrow and as much as i despise the very notion of needing one it will make it easier to get out the house and try to re engage with the world a bit. x


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## baby.love

I am so deeply sorry for your loss :hugs:


Sweet dreams little fella xx


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## Doublemints

:hugs:I'm so sorry for your lost.


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## lollylou1

i am so so sorry hunny
Lou
xxx


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## MummyJade

Im so sorry... do not blame yourself never.. 
xx


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## auntcarrie

There are no words I can say that will make this better, but I am thinking of and praying for you. 

Take care of yourself.


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## Bec L

So so sorry xxx


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## Blue12

I am so sorry for your loss. xo


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## Dream.A.Dream

I'm so sorry :( 

:hugs:


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## kiwimama

I'm so sorry you have lost your beautiful Nicolas. No one should ever had to go through this. :hugs::hugs:


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## readynwilling

:hugs:


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## Sambles

So sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family xx


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## RainbowGift

All my love to you!!! 
We are all here if you want to talk to us in your weaker moments, or if you just want distraction... Maybe it would help to tell us about Alex and his personality...? 
We are all thinking about you and we all want to help you through this if we can. xoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo


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## Nut_Shake

I am so so so sorry, i couldn't breathe reading this from complete and utter shock and pain for you. Of course, you do have another baby there to take care of, so be strong, as difficult as i'm sure it is. And NEVER blame yourself, ever. This will end up being detrimental to you AND to your other baby as it will end up eating you up inside. I truly am sorry and sending love, strength and positivity to you xxxx

(I'm sorry if you've already said it, or if you don't actually want to say, but what happened? Again, i'm sorry to pry, you of course don't have to go into details if you aren't comfortable) xx


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## cupcake23

Im so sorry for your loss.x.


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## vineyard

Nut_Shake said:


> I am so so so sorry, i couldn't breathe reading this from complete and utter shock and pain for you. Of course, you do have another baby there to take care of, so be strong, as difficult as i'm sure it is. And NEVER blame yourself, ever. This will end up being detrimental to you AND to your other baby as it will end up eating you up inside. I truly am sorry and sending love, strength and positivity to you xxxx
> 
> (I'm sorry if you've already said it, or if you don't actually want to say, but what happened? Again, i'm sorry to pry, you of course don't have to go into details if you aren't comfortable) xx

She did tell what happened in an earlier post.


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## Nut_Shake

vineyard said:


> Nut_Shake said:
> 
> 
> I am so so so sorry, i couldn't breathe reading this from complete and utter shock and pain for you. Of course, you do have another baby there to take care of, so be strong, as difficult as i'm sure it is. And NEVER blame yourself, ever. This will end up being detrimental to you AND to your other baby as it will end up eating you up inside. I truly am sorry and sending love, strength and positivity to you xxxx
> 
> (I'm sorry if you've already said it, or if you don't actually want to say, but what happened? Again, i'm sorry to pry, you of course don't have to go into details if you aren't comfortable) xx
> 
> She did tell what happened in an earlier post.Click to expand...

Sorry, I didn't see it for some reason, but just found it.

I just don't know what to say apart from my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family xxxxxxx


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## MrsR32

I'm so sorry, no-one should have to suffer such a terrible loss. You sound as though you are a strong person, talking about getting out and facing the world, it's good to hear that you're keeping strong for the sake of Alex. Just remember that he will understand if you have a bad day and he'll be there to share the good days with you.

xx


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## inxsmhpy

So sorry sweetie :hugs:


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## Nivy7272

I am so sorry for your loss!!!! :hug:


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## ~RedLily~

I'm so so sorry! :hugs::hugs:


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## T-Bex

I'm really sorry.


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## LaughOutLoud

Im so so sorry for your loss. x


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## xx Jaymee xx

im so sorry.
xxx


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## Broody85

I actually read this last night then my Internet went off before I hot a chance to reply. Iv actually been thinking of you a lot today, even at work whilst Iv been busy. 

I can only begin to imagine what you are going through and it churns me up inside. I hope you can find strength at this difficult time. Nicholas will always be with you and your family. I hope you can eventually seek comfort from this. Also this is not your fault! Xx


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## Mrs R

oh loulou, i have no words that will make any difference but if i were you, i would take comfort from the fact that your beautiful boy died cuddled up in his mummy's arms, feeling safe, warm, loved and happy with a full belly. Babies want and need nothing more in this world 

RIP baby x


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## loulou1983

hi ladies

thanks to you all again for the messages. I would like to write a fuller account of what happened but all in good time- feels too painful right now...i actually feel so much pain for Alex having to grow up in the knowledge that he is a twin without a twin. He will have the birth certificate, photos and memory box of the first 3 weeks that they shared together but thats it. No memories or anything. I actually feel his loss is greater than my own. That relationship is so special and unique and un replaceable- even if i go onto give him a brother or sister it will never be the same.


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## Bec L

:hugs:


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## veganmum2be

i am so sorry for your loss hun :hugs:


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## sleeping bubs

I don't know what to say but I am so sorry for your loss


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## Sophie1205

So sorry for your loss :hugs: xxxx


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## Duchess85

Awww hun, I'm so sorry for your loss. May God pour upon your patience in these trying times.

In my religion, when a baby dies so young, we believe they are in heaven and on the day of judgement, they will pester God to admit their parents into heaven to be with them.

This brought me so much comfort when I miscarried although I know this is not the same as what you are going through. :hug:


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## isil

:( I'm so sorry to hear of your loss


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## AP

I am so, so sorry Lou Lou xxxx


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## - Butterfly -

Sending you hugs of strength :hugs:


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## raquel1980

There are no words, I am so so sorry for your loss xx


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## Chris77

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## RoxyRoo

My heart broke for you reading this :cry:

I am so so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## teal

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: xx


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## Sherileigh

Oh god hun. I don't even know what to say. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Please don't blame yourself....you're going through a hard enough time already. Just take everyday one day at a time.
:hugs:


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## Hannah C

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. Please don't blame yourself for what happened, and be sure to take time to cry whenever you need to do so.


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## Rhi_Rhi1

really am truly sorry :( x


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## chetnaz

I am heartbroken for you hun - so so sorry for your loss. It is not your fault, please dont blame yourself. Having one newborn is exhausting enough but looking after twins is just so so tiring. I too have fallen asleep many many times while breastfeeding one of my boys - it is so easily done. You are in my thoughts and I hope that you will find some comfort soon. xxx


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## bluebell

So sorry for your loss :hugs:

Rest in Peace Nicholas xx


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## babesx3

You poor woman..how devasting:cry: i'm so so sorry you lost your LO

It must be so hard finding the strength to carry on...

massive :hugs:....

your little one died in your arms knowing he was loved as he turned into an angel.... fly high little one:kiss:


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## roobie74

Hi LouLou. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I haven't posted on here for a long time, but I felt I had to contact you. I also lost one of my twin boys, in May. Although my circumstances are different I understand the feeling of grieving for one son whilst trying to enjoy your other son. I had James and Harry on 10th May 2010, 8 weeks early. James did not have any kidneys (we knew this from wk 17 of my pregnancy) and he died two days before he was born. Harry is a beautiful, healthy, happy 7 month old - he is such a content baby and I know James lives through him.

I am not really good with words, but I just want you to know I understand all of the different emotions you will be experiencing and if you want to ask me any questions please do. 7 months on my grief is still quite raw and I am finding the run up to Christmas quite emotional. I just have to do my best to be a good mummy to Harry and make sure he grows up knowing he has a big brother who is always watching over him.

Take care. With love. Roobie xxx


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## bek74

roobie74 said:


> Hi LouLou. I'm so sorry for your loss.
> 
> I haven't posted on here for a long time, but I felt I had to contact you. I also lost one of my twin boys, in May. Although my circumstances are different I understand the feeling of grieving for one son whilst trying to enjoy your other son. I had James and Harry on 10th May 2010, 8 weeks early. James did not have any kidneys (we knew this from wk 17 of my pregnancy) and he died two days before he was born. Harry is a beautiful, healthy, happy 7 month old - he is such a content baby and I know James lives through him.
> 
> I am not really good with words, but I just want you to know I understand all of the different emotions you will be experiencing and if you want to ask me any questions please do. 7 months on my grief is still quite raw and I am finding the run up to Christmas quite emotional. I just have to do my best to be a good mummy to Harry and make sure he grows up knowing he has a big brother who is always watching over him.
> 
> Take care. With love. Roobie xxx

 
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:



Loulou just pooping to see how your doing and to let you know your in my thoughts :hugs::hugs:


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## cath

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: Please dont blame yourself, its exhausting enough looking after one newborn, let alone two. My thoughts are with you & your family xx

Roobie74 :hugs:


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## okciv

Sorry.
I know words are not enough honey x


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## Vicyi

So sorry to hear about your loss. xx


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## Midnight_Fairy

so sorry xx


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