# Invaluable but funny parenting advice!



## Nibblenic

Whats your funniest parentings tip for toddlers

Here is mine...

Your toddler has a serious looking rash, before you break out that glass tumbler LICK IT it will more that likely taste of jam! :haha:


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## aimee-lou

If everything goes quiet, they're not dead, they're doing something they shouldn't!! :haha:


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## Eala

If you hear "oops", it's already too late...


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## KarrierBag

Before you think you've discovered a birthmark on the top of LO's forehead, scratch it - it's probably leftover breakfast that missed the wetwipe!

xx


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## Lyndz

Give up on polishing for the next couple of years. Garenteed your hard work will shine for about 1 minute before it gets sticky finger prints on!


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## Kimboowee

Don't do your make up infront of them - EVER. Even boys - my 22 mon old knows how to apply lipgloss and mascara from the state I found him in yesterday


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## amie-leigh

it doesn't matter how well you hide things a toddler will find them 
as shown by morgan yesterday when she found my family size bar of galaxy and opened it and started eating it while i went for a pee :dohh:


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## flubdub

Dont buy chocolate Christmas Tree decorations. Not only will your LO pull all of the chocolate _off_ - they will pull your tree over in the process.


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## Eala

To a toddler, nothing is too disgusting to try and put it in their mouths...


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## future_numan

A clean diaper is a natural laxitive to a young toddler


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## MotherBeth

Just teasing here, but it's one older people have said to me a lot --

"There's hardly anything a little whiskey in the bottle won't fix!" :haha:


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## flubdub

future_numan said:


> A clean diaper is a natural laxitive to a young toddler

:rofl:


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## candyfloss

Don't teach your toddler how to turn the bathroom light off, sitting having a wee and having them run in, turn the light off then cry as it's suddenly dark isn't the most relaxing way to start the day!

And be prepared that while they're learning to speak, a lot of their words will sound rude, for example..... Tasty = tittie! Beach = b*tch! And several others......!!!


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## lepaskilf

Resign to the fact that you will always leave the house late and with food smeared on your back and you haven't noticed!


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## wannabewillow

If you give them nappy free time and they don't poo/wee in the half hour it's off for, check behind the sofa!


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## mommy2lilmen

Kimboowee said:


> Don't do your make up infront of them - EVER. Even boys - my 22 mon old knows how to apply lipgloss and mascara from the state I found him in yesterday

:haha:


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## moomoo

Eating bum cream with a toothbrush is the best thing ever!

Nothing is too good to be put in the bath, we've had a flip flop, door stop, coat hangers, bin lid, daddys phone! Lol


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## candyfloss

moomoo said:


> Nothing is too good to be put in the bath, we've had a flip flop, door stop, coat hangers, bin lid, daddys phone! Lol


Lol, William now runs asking 'bath?' with whatever it is he wants to put in, we've had all sorts in there too though.....including a big soft elephant toy, books and even his wooden abacas!


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## Serene123

candyfloss said:


> Don't teach your toddler how to turn the bathroom light off, sitting having a wee and having them run in, turn the light off then cry as it's suddenly dark isn't the most relaxing way to start the day!
> 
> And be prepared that while they're learning to speak, a lot of their words will sound rude, for example..... Tasty = tittie! Beach = b*tch! And several others......!!!

Truck was ours. We were walking around an open farm and all she was shouting was F*CK... LOOK F*CK! The looks I got from people with younger babies was priceless. I couldn't help thinking, "wait until it's your turn......" :rofl:


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## Serene123

This thread is great btw :thumbup:


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## Serene123

Potty training. When you finally move onto knickers or pants. In-spite of you asking every 5 minutes if they need to go to the toilet, the one time you decide to eat your lunch and leave them for 10 minutes, they are going to have an accident :lol:

And food ALWAYS, ALWAYS tastes better when you eat it with your hands :rofl:


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## DonnaBallona

Don't tell your friends and relatives the minute that your child can do something new and exciting, because you can guarantee that they won't do the said new thing in front if them EVER-fact!!


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## Kte

Even if you have exactly the same dinner, it's always better from Mummies plate!


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## Novbaby08

uh oh coming out of their mouth is ALWAYS a bad sign

Its exciting when you realize their so smart they can work electronics.....that excitement dies fairly quickly and you wish they couldn't

When you get up in the morning as can hear them playing from outside their room, its always best to stop and prepare for the worst before going in.


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## Eternal

the if they are quite they are up to no good one is sooo true. everyone in the family knows if sam is quiet then he is up to trouble.


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## Reedy

When they have nappy off time BE PREPARED for them to pee all over the floor literally seconds after the nappy is off x I think they save it all up for that very moment they get some air to their winkie/mini


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## kellyharrison

The only meat my LO will eat is Ham, so now everything is called Ham! We had Roast Chicken, "I mean Ham" for roast yesterday and shes having Fish "I mean Ham" fingers for dinner tonight :) works a charm :)


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## flubdub

:rofl: Ham fingers


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## Faerie

This has had me laughing out loud, can tick each one off for my munchkin.


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## Belle30

Cool, clean water served in a training cup (or any other type of cup) is not fit for drinking, only for tipping out and sploshing, and spitting and dribbling if it does find its way into a toddler's mouth. 

Warm, soapy water, on the other hand, is very good for drinking and careful slurping without spilling a drop, especially if served in an upturned plastic hippo.


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## TigerLady

Get a dog. They make cleaning the floor after meal and snack times much easier. :smug:


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## Faerie

Belle30 said:


> Cool, clean water served in a training cup (or any other type of cup) is not fit for drinking, only for tipping out and sploshing, and spitting and dribbling if it does find its way into a toddler's mouth.
> 
> Warm, soapy water, on the other hand, is very good for drinking and careful slurping without spilling a drop, especially if served in an upturned plastic hippo.

Agreed, soapy water is deemed the best drink, although in our house water will be drunk from a cup at the dinner table if it has had fish/potato/peas/jelly added to it. Apparently it is then delicious.


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## baby D

Belle30 said:


> Cool, clean water served in a training cup (or any other type of cup) is not fit for drinking, only for tipping out and sploshing, and spitting and dribbling if it does find its way into a toddler's mouth.
> 
> Warm, soapy water, on the other hand, is very good for drinking and careful slurping without spilling a drop, especially if served in an upturned plastic hippo.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## flubdub

Belle30 said:


> Cool, clean water served in a training cup (or any other type of cup) is not fit for drinking, only for tipping out and sploshing, and spitting and dribbling if it does find its way into a toddler's mouth.
> 
> Warm, soapy water, on the other hand, is very good for drinking and careful slurping without spilling a drop, *especially if served in an upturned plastic hippo.*

:rofl: Fantabulous!


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## Nibblenic

Loving this thread.

Got another one for you. There is such a thing as TOO MANY raisins. Youll find out the next day in their nappy. Looks like chistmas cake mix!


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## Tia

If you find your child eating coal, before cleaning them up - get the camera!


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## future_numan

Nibblenic said:


> Loving this thread.
> 
> Got another one for you. There is such a thing as TOO MANY raisins. Youll find out the next day in their nappy. Looks like chistmas cake mix!

Can add corn to that too... goes in a comes out looking the same


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## future_numan

I am still laughing anout the "ham fingers":haha:


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## flubdub

Nibblenic said:


> Loving this thread.
> 
> Got another one for you. There is such a thing as TOO MANY raisins. Youll find out the next day in their nappy. Looks like chistmas cake mix!

omg, weve been there too :sick:


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## Racheldigger

There is no journey so short that you don't need to bring the changing bag and a full clean set of clothes.

Everything is made better by a Kinder Happy Hippo, but make sure you get the hazelnut rather than chocolate flavoured kind if you want your child's clothes ever to be the same colour again.


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## Siyren

TigerLady said:


> Get a dog. They make cleaning the floor after meal and snack times much easier. :smug:


lol very very true!


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## Christine1993

what a great thread x


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## littlekitten8

Cbeebies is the best invention ever if you need to go pee/shower/grab a cuppa!


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## mumnbean

If your lo is vomiting, poop or peeing without a nappy don't pick them up and run them to the bathroom. Let it happen, and then clean it up...

Otherwise you have to clean the entire house, instead of just the one spot :doh:


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## flubdub

^ True!!!


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## MNORBURY

Don't waste your money on silly things like baby toys, pffft a plastic bottle, a mobile phone and a tv remote is much more appealing (even if you have got a front room that resembles santas grotto lol). Oh our new favourite is the glade plug in :dohh:


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## flubdub

MNORBURY said:


> Don't waste your money on silly things like baby toys, pffft a plastic bottle, a mobile phone and a tv remote is much more appealing (even if you have got a front room that resembles santas grotto lol). *Oh our new favourite is the glade plug in* :dohh:

:rofl:


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## Tegans Mama

Sniffing your LO's breath is not an effective way to tell if they actually ATE any of the toilet duck gel thingy out of your Mum's toilet.

(one that was flushed, just so you all know! :rofl: )


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## sweetlullaby

^^^

:rofl:

Putting tealight candles in little glass holders in front of your literally brand new television on a brand new stand is not a good idea......mummy goes for a pee walks back in to see candle all round your toddlers mouth a big score in the new tv unit and a toddler bashing the screen of your tv with a GLASS tealight holder :shock:

If your toddler throws up from overeating/shoving food too far down their throat there is a 99.99999% chance that before you grab the cloth to clean your toddler will stick their hands in it and then proceed to lick them clean :sick:

If you're enjoying a nice treat aka a lovely ice cream be prepared for a toddler to come waddling up to you with their plastic toy version to give you then scream blue murder when you dont allow them to have the real version in return :haha:

Never leave your hoover sitting with the hard plastic bit with the brush bit on the floor flat. A toddler will sit on it and snap the pipe :dohh:


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## MNORBURY

Don't leave placemats near the fish bowl! We were at Phils brothers today and Evie was on the verge of dropping one on the poor fishes head lol, good job I was right nex to her x


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## flubdub

sweetlullaby said:


> ^^^
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> Putting tealight candles in little glass holders in front of your literally brand new television on a brand new stand is not a good idea......mummy goes for a pee walks back in to see candle all round your toddlers mouth a big score in the new tv unit and a toddler bashing the screen of your tv with a GLASS tealight holder :shock:
> 
> If your toddler throws up from overeating/shoving food too far down their throat there is a 99.99999% chance that before you grab the cloth to clean your toddler will stick their hands in it and then proceed to lick them clean :sick:
> 
> If you're enjoying a nice treat aka a lovely ice cream be prepared for a toddler to come waddling up to you with their plastic toy version to give you then scream blue murder when you dont allow them to have the real version in return :haha:
> 
> Never leave your hoover sitting with the hard plastic bit with the brush bit on the floor flat. A toddler will sit on it and snap the pipe :dohh:

:rofl: They're all brilliant!


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