# Finally discussed my birth plan...



## MeanKitty23

I wanted to have a natural birth. As natural as I can handle anyway.... My hospital won't allow me to even get out of the bed once I'm admitted! This doesn't even matter if I have an epidural or not. I'm not allowed to walk around to help with the labor, I can't use the shower for the warm water comfort, I have to deliver in the bed and my doctor literally admitted that it was all because people are "sue happy". They're gonna have me on constant fetal monitoring and that's because if something goes wrong, then it can't be blamed on them for not monitoring the baby the whole time. How sad is that? 

I told my doctor "Okay, so... once I'm admitted, I'm gonna be stuck in the bed until I deliver, correct?" and he said yes. I asked if I'd be allowed to at least choose my birthing position and he highly suggested I deliver in stirrups, at an inclined position because that's probably going to be most comfortable for me. I said, "Well, what if it's not and I wanna move?" and he said "As long as you stay in the bed, you can do what you feel, but it's going to be difficult to change positions in the bed." 

I'm not feeling good about this AT ALL. We have no midwives in this area, so there's no one to come to the house to help me just birth at home. 

I just told the doctor "I'll probably just stay home for quite a while unless I just have a ridiculous amount of pain. I don't wanna wait too long and then BAM, there's a baby coming out of me at home, but I don't want to be stuck in a bed at the hospital either." His only response was "I'm sure you'll wanna be at the hospital before you get to the point of delivery." 

I feel.... not-so-special. :nope:


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## booflebump

Why do you need to lie on the bed? What would they do if you chose to stand up? Push you back down on the bed and tie you there? You are allowed to mobilise as you wish during labour - they can't control what you do and do not do - it's up to you what positions you choose to get in to. Even if you do accept the continuous monitoring, that doesn't mean you have to lie down - you can stand up, sit on a birthing ball etc

Giving birth laying on your back is one of the hardest position to push a baby out in - you have to push a baby up a hill for a start. Even if women are in bed, it's still possible to deliver on all fours, on your side, squatting - whatever is most comfortable for you.


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## MeanKitty23

yeah the doctor's only reason for me being stuck in the bed is because of that constant monitoring they want to do. He even said "You might want to stay home for at least a couple of hours because as soon as you're admitted you're gonna be strapped in a bed anyway". I'm assuming he didn't literally mean "strapped", but way to go in freakin me out, ya know? 

It makes me wonder. If I go to the hospital and end up raising hell with the staff, what's the worst they'll do? They can't kick me out of the hospital in that condition. But.... could they drug me or something to a degree for being uncooperative? Or literally tie me to a bed? I mean... if I ended up having problems getting comfortable just because of their typical procedures, I might as well sue for making my visit uncomfortable. 

I'm THINKING, I'm not sure of course but I'm THINKING being on all fours would be most comfortable for me. I've gotten into different positions while I've been pregnant just to see how my body will handle the weight n whatnot. Being on my back just about kills me. It locks up, it hurts like hell. So I'm definitely worried about that being an issue if I don't get an epidural and they want me on my back. Can't do it. Won't do it. I told my doctor that. 

I just feel like since he knows this is my first baby, he's probably had a lot of women with similar desires like mine, and they probably didn't stick to them (whether it be because the hospital wouldn't allow it or they decided they couldn't handle the pain) and I feel like he's sort of dismissed me a little. He discussed everything in detail with me, he has a copy of my birth plan on file now, but.... I just feel like it's gonna be a battle.


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## MindUtopia

Even if you can't home birth or go to a birthing center, would you think about switching doctors or hospitals to find someone who is more supportive? To be honest, from what I've heard from friends who work in birth in the U.S., it's incredibly difficult to get to birth in any position but on your back in a hospital. Are there any hospitals around you that have birthing pools or any obgyns that advertise more natural approaches? I would seriously think about trying to find one of these because you'll probably find you get a lot more support. I definitely wouldn't feel comfortable giving birth with someone like that attending my birth. Sorry if this is rude, but he sounds like an old school idiot who doesn't know much about birth.

If nothing else, what about hiring a doula? Here's one that's near you. You might still have to deal with some of the hospital crap, but at least you have another person to voice your needs for you and be your advocate. 

https://wiregrassdoulaservices.weebly.com/

Lastly, it might seem like a wacky idea, but if you really want an out of hospital birth, AL isn't _that _far from TN and the Farm Midwifery Center (pretty much where the home birth movement started). I don't know how far you would be willing to drive, but they do take lots of women from outside of TN and you can stay in a cabin on site before your birth to prepare if you come from far away. It might be expensive, but maybe not? It's worth checking out if you really want to be outside of a hospital. 

https://www.thefarmmidwives.org/


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## booflebump

You do not need to be in bed to be continuously monitored, and you do not need to be continuously monitored

They CANNOT drug you or tie you to the bed for being unco-operative - you have rights and doing any of that would be a serious violation of them - a sure fire way to get sued!! 

I really think you need to consider a change of OB's. It doesn't matter that it's your first baby - that does not mean that he knows best about what is going to be right for you. His way is the easiest way for him - not the best, or even right way, so I wouldn't be happy either having a man like that attend my birth

xxx


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## aliss

I would rather go unassisted, and I mean that in all seriousness.


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## MeanKitty23

My mom said "Well, you could always just do what your aunt did recently and throw the sh*t at them." (Talking about the fetal monitor.... My aunt threw her dialysis thing across the room recently when she was in the hospital because she'd flat out said she didn't want it and they were going to insist she have it anyway). 

I know I don't need to be monitored constantly. I mean, for God's sake, if women and babies needed to have someone shoved up their @$$ so much during L&D, we wouldn't have made it this far with the human race. 

Back in the day, before we had medicines and hospitals set up just for this event in life, women had to wing it! People argue with me saying "Well, now the chances of having complications isn't as high anymore because of modern medicine." but really? Really? Now we have vacuums to suck out the baby by the head for example. That causes complications in itself. 

It's expected to have someone have a problem here and there. It happens. But like I said earlier, if we needed such strict attention during this process, we wouldn't have been able to over-populate the planet so easily.


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## booflebump

A lot of times problems occur due to the cascade of interventions .Lots of women successfully birth in birthing centres, at home, or in cars on the way to the hospital with the dads delivering without so much as a sniff of a doctor hovering about them.


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## aliss

I know it's probably illegal but I might do some crash midwife shopping in FL or GA and see if a midwife is willing to attend to you - I think you're pretty close to Tallahassee right???


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## Ceejay123

They can't FORCE you to be monitored or on a bed. Seriously, just get up! Sign something! Anything. They can't literally strap you down against your will. Else.. Ask for a home birth? x


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## Lownthwaite

booflebump said:


> You do not need to be in bed to be continuously monitored, and you do not need to be continuously monitored
> 
> They CANNOT drug you or tie you to the bed for being unco-operative - you have rights and doing any of that would be a serious violation of them - a sure fire way to get sued!!
> 
> I really think you need to consider a change of OB's. It doesn't matter that it's your first baby - that does not mean that he knows best about what is going to be right for you. His way is the easiest way for him - not the best, or even right way, so I wouldn't be happy either having a man like that attend my birth
> 
> xxx

I agree with Booblebump. :thumbup:

If the doctor wants you on your back on a bed because he's worried about being sued IF something goes wrong then I'd be inclined to remind him that he also can't touch you - or you can sue him for assault! You can be in whatever position you choose when you are in labour. :thumbup: They can't force you to do anything you don't want to and if you need help to get into a position - wheather they like it or not they have to help you as they are bound by a duty of care to you, their patient. :winkwink: I'd remind them of this at your next appointment! :thumbup::hugs:


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## booflebump

Lownthwaite said:


> I agree with Booblebump. :thumbup:

Booblebump :rofl: Sorry, easily amused today!


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## aliss

Hey at 22 weeks I'm sure you got some boobles going on by now!! :rofl:


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## Lownthwaite

booflebump said:


> Lownthwaite said:
> 
> 
> I agree with Booblebump. :thumbup:
> 
> Booblebump :rofl: Sorry, easily amused today!Click to expand...

Oh my word! :haha:

Clearly I have boobs on the brain!! :rofl:

......................although I actually think you should change your username now :haha::wohoo:


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## Mom2mmcjg

Find a different hospital, that one sounds terrible! Why would anyone want to give birth there?


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## MeanKitty23

Mom2mmcjg said:


> Find a different hospital, that one sounds terrible! Why would anyone want to give birth there?

You'd be surprised how many people I know that have given birth there and don't complain about it. There's only 2 hospitals in the city, so I may look at that second one. One girl, I actually ran into her at my last appointment, is planning on giving birth there because everyone in her family has so far. 

I told her I was pissed about having to be stuck in the bed the whole time according to the hospital procedures and she added "Oh yeah, and you can't have anything to eat or drink while you're there either!" .... Like it didn't phase her a bit. I hadn't had that conversation with my doctor about eating and drinking during labor. I was planning on drinking water to stay hydrated and maybe a snack here and there if I'm in the mood to eat, but..... uh.... not allowed to have anything? If that's right, and I told my husband about that tid bit of info I'd heard about, I told him to bring snacks and drinks just so when they tell me I can't have anything, my husband has a stash for me. .... You don't screw with my food intake. 

I really don't even want an IV for anything and I know they're gonna put that in when I'm admitted. Only reason I wouldn't be against that is if I wanted IV pain meds without having to wait for someone to put in the IV. 

Ladies, I've officially decided just to stay home as long as possible with my husband and bite through the pain as best I can until I feel like I'm about to drop a baby or.... accidentally birth at home. 

I'm really overwhelmed. I've looked at the websites that have been offered for help. I really can't afford to pay a midwife to travel here. Sadly. I really can't afford to up and drive somewhere when I go into labor. 

I'm scared. I want this process over with and if I go to the hospital and have issues with anybody, I'll literally be the worst patient they've ever had.


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## liltiger

I don't know what hospital you have been planning on, but I took interest in your plight and did some research. It seems the Southeast Alabama Medical Center has a birthing center that sounds like a much better option. 

https://www.samc.org/index.php/ourservices/womensservices/237-familybirth.html

I don't know if your insurance will cover it, but it must be worth looking into.


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## MeanKitty23

liltiger said:


> I don't know what hospital you have been planning on, but I took interest in your plight and did some research. It seems the Southeast Alabama Medical Center has a birthing center that sounds like a much better option.
> 
> https://www.samc.org/index.php/ourservices/womensservices/237-familybirth.html
> 
> I don't know if your insurance will cover it, but it must be worth looking into.

My insurance will cover this hospital. I'll look into it this week! I just don't know how my doctor situation will work with it.


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## MindUtopia

MeanKitty23 said:


> liltiger said:
> 
> 
> I don't know what hospital you have been planning on, but I took interest in your plight and did some research. It seems the Southeast Alabama Medical Center has a birthing center that sounds like a much better option.
> 
> https://www.samc.org/index.php/ourservices/womensservices/237-familybirth.html
> 
> I don't know if your insurance will cover it, but it must be worth looking into.
> 
> My insurance will cover this hospital. I'll look into it this week! I just don't know how my doctor situation will work with it.Click to expand...

You can always change doctors. Your doctor sounds like an idiot anyway. I would call that birthing center and ask if they have any doctors they recommend. Also, I really can't stress enough trying to find a doula. Even if you don't have a ton of money to spend, most will work out payment plans or reduced fees and I know, at least here, there is a fund that doulas have set up to pay for the doula services for women who can't afford to hire one. 

Also, I agree with others, do what you want during birth and screw anyone who doesn't like it. It is usually hospital guidelines in the U.S. that you are to stay in bed, but they can't stop you. They might hassle you a lot if you want to be active, but write a birth plan and make them aware this is what you plan to do. Sign anything you need to sign to release them from liability. The same with eating, you aren't technically allowed to eat or drink once in labor at most hospitals either, but they can't rip the food out of your hands. It's supposedly in case there is an 'emergency' and they need to put you under general anesthesia. But the chances of that are so rare! Everyone eats and drinks here in the UK and in fact, most midwives recommend it. They aren't going to bring you food, but pack snacks from home (granola bars, dried fruit, things that will give you energy, and maybe some gatorade to keep your fluids up). Just tell them you want to be left alone as much as possible to labor and eat when they aren't around. They might make it difficult for you and be unsupportive, but that's what a doula would be great for. It's her job to tell them to go to hell and leave you alone if those are your wishes. 

I would definitely start by checking out that birthing center though, and looking for a new ob/gyn (ask at the birthing center who they recommend). You need someone who, if not shares your philosophy, at least isn't totally against it.


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## Sarahcake

I really hope you and your insurance can make something work with the birthing centre that has been suggested here, im a first time mum too and whilst I dont plan on going completely natural, I would still like my basic rights like moving for starters! Your doctor sounds horrific, really hope you can get another one sorted.

Fingers crossed this birthing centre can give you the experience you want, and deserve to have.


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## Mom2mmcjg

Definitely check out that birthing center. Who cares if your doc isn't going to be able to deliver you there. He honestly doesn't seem like the world's best doc. :nope:

You don't want to be stuck in a situation where you are always on the defensive and having procedures done that you don't want. There's no reason you should have to be on continuous fetal monitoring, and no reason for an IV unless you are group B strep positive. Nurses and hospital officials will bully you into the bed and into getting procedures. They will threaten you with a call to CPS if you don't cooperate, who wants to deal with that?


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## mamawananotha

Sorry you're having to deal with the stresses of hospital rules at this stage of your pregnancy. As for the 'hospital procedures', someone else recommended signing something for the things you want to decline. If you end up being stuck at that hospital with your OB, ask for whatever legal waiver you need to refuse the things they are trying to make you comply with.

You should be able to at least stay within the confines of your room (not strictly on the bed) and give birth in any reasonable position (meaning not just on your back with your feet up in stirrups).

As for the IV, you should be able to sign a waiver for that, but if not, you could at least request a hep-lock or whatever it is called that creates a port, but to where you are not connected to a bag directly so that you can move around.

Good luck!


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## MeanKitty23

Someone had mentioned not signing over anything stating I won't sue in the event that something actually does go wrong and they are truly at fault. That makes sense.

The hep-lock, I want that. 

I'm getting out of that bed whether I sign something or not. I'm no longer in the mood to entertain other people for my big event. The whole thing really just ruins me trying to find enjoying in pregnancy.


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## Jezzielin

I am worried that is what they will tell me, that I cannot get out of bed. But I would anyway. If I am planning a natural birth - you best believe I will walk around if it feels better.

I can kinda understand the food thing. I plan on bringing some snacks but I think they worry if labor doesn't progress, you might need a C-section which might lead to sedation, etc. You risk aspirating (throwing up and breathing it in your lungs which can cause pneumonia). 

I already told my husband though, we are stopping at my fav fast food restaurant on the way because I know once I get there - I can't have anything to eat or drink!:dohh:


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## MeanKitty23

Jezzielin said:


> I am worried that is what they will tell me, that I cannot get out of bed. But I would anyway. If I am planning a natural birth - you best believe I will walk around if it feels better.
> 
> I can kinda understand the food thing. I plan on bringing some snacks but I think they worry if labor doesn't progress, you might need a C-section which might lead to sedation, etc. You risk aspirating (throwing up and breathing it in your lungs which can cause pneumonia).
> 
> I already told my husband though, we are stopping at my fav fast food restaurant on the way because I know once I get there - I can't have anything to eat or drink!:dohh:

Yeah I figured that's why they wouldn't want people to eat during labor n all. I could be wrong, but I doubt I'll need the c-section option unless baby just decides to get too big or something. She's been head down a lot lately and I haven't had any complications. 

MAN.... I laid on my back tonight to look at things down below. I had a couple pillows behind my back to prop me up and my back locked up. Um.... Not no, but hell no. I can't deliver a baby in that position - I'll die!


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## kleinfor3

Hi! I live in Florence, Al. About an hour west of huntsville. I actually just changed ob's so we can deliver and have a more natural experience at the new brookwood womens hospital in b'ham. I can totally relate to your concerns. It was a big decision to change ob's and hospitals. We will be driving 2 hours to give birth. In my mind it will be worth it though. They have birthing tubs there and the doctor I choose is a fan of natural if that's the way you want to go. Obgyn south is the clinic. They also have an office in alabaster. Nit sure where alabaster is though lol! Anyways, I would keep looking for an ob and better hospital. Good luck! We drive thru Dothan on the way to vaca each year!


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## Lozdi

aliss said:


> I would rather go unassisted, and I mean that in all seriousness.

Same here. I am planning a home birth with this one but if I was planning a hospital birth and was told I'd be stuck in a bed the whole time monitored I would flip my lid, literally. Sue happy pffffff....I would sue for breach of my rights as a mother to give birth in a position that suits me! 

The US maternity care system really really really really makes me mad, I am so glad I live in the UK where OUR preferences matter! Oooooooh I'm so angry now, I want to come over there and punch your doctor! Twice! :trouble:


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## Adela Quested

MindUtopia said:


> ... you aren't technically allowed to eat or drink once in labor at most hospitals either, but they can't rip the food out of your hands. It's supposedly in case there is an 'emergency' and they need to put you under general anesthesia. But the chances of that are so rare!

And even if they do need to put you under general, there is only a small risk of you aspirating vomit or something like that. In other words it is a small risk of needing a general and then an even small risk of aspiration.

I gave birth here in the Netherlands where you are encouraged to eat and drink if you want to, to keep your strength up (you wouldn't try to run a marathon without drinking, right?) I don't think I was hungry at all but I certainly remember drinking plenty of water - your mouth gets dry with all that panting, too. Unfortunately I had a haemorrhage right after giving birth and had to have a general anaesthetic. Luckily I survived both!

It's good to avoid eating when you KNOW you're going to have a general anaesthetic (like for an arm operation or something like that), but avoiding eating/drinking during one of the most physically and mentally demanding experiences of your life is just asking for trouble. Then you get weak and end up needing interventions because you just have no energy left, is what I reckon!

Not to be blase, of course aspirating vomit is a serious issue if it happens, but I suspect that preventing women from eating and drinking actually causes more problems than it avoids.


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## MeanKitty23

Adela Quested said:


> MindUtopia said:
> 
> 
> ... you aren't technically allowed to eat or drink once in labor at most hospitals either, but they can't rip the food out of your hands. It's supposedly in case there is an 'emergency' and they need to put you under general anesthesia. But the chances of that are so rare!
> 
> And even if they do need to put you under general, there is only a small risk of you aspirating vomit or something like that. In other words it is a small risk of needing a general and then an even small risk of aspiration.
> 
> I gave birth here in the Netherlands where you are encouraged to eat and drink if you want to, to keep your strength up (you wouldn't try to run a marathon without drinking, right?) I don't think I was hungry at all but I certainly remember drinking plenty of water - your mouth gets dry with all that panting, too. Unfortunately I had a haemorrhage right after giving birth and had to have a general anaesthetic. Luckily I survived both!
> 
> It's good to avoid eating when you KNOW you're going to have a general anaesthetic (like for an arm operation or something like that), but avoiding eating/drinking during one of the most physically and mentally demanding experiences of your life is just asking for trouble. Then you get weak and end up needing interventions because you just have no energy left, is what I reckon!
> 
> Not to be blase, of course aspirating vomit is a serious issue if it happens, but I suspect that preventing women from eating and drinking actually causes more problems than it avoids.Click to expand...

Good point. I'm totally gonna have food and water nearby or God help whoever is in my path............ I think people are too afraid to change what doctor's want done anymore. Which is sad.


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## MindUtopia

Also, I was told to eat as soon as you think you are starting early labor and keep up regular food and fluids, even if it's not a lot, in the early stages - particularly since it seems like you'll want to stay at home in the beginning for a while. Oatmeal with milk and sugar/honey came highly recommended. Or a sandwich or granola bars. Something easy to prepare, but with lots of complex carbs. That way even if they make it harder for you to eat at the hospital, you'll come in having had some food.


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## Wispyshadow

MeanKitty23 said:


> I wanted to have a natural birth. As natural as I can handle anyway.... My hospital won't allow me to even get out of the bed once I'm admitted! This doesn't even matter if I have an epidural or not. I'm not allowed to walk around to help with the labor, I can't use the shower for the warm water comfort, I have to deliver in the bed and my doctor literally admitted that it was all because people are "sue happy". They're gonna have me on constant fetal monitoring and that's because if something goes wrong, then it can't be blamed on them for not monitoring the baby the whole time. How sad is that?
> 
> I told my doctor "Okay, so... once I'm admitted, I'm gonna be stuck in the bed until I deliver, correct?" and he said yes. I asked if I'd be allowed to at least choose my birthing position and he highly suggested I deliver in stirrups, at an inclined position because that's probably going to be most comfortable for me. I said, "Well, what if it's not and I wanna move?" and he said "As long as you stay in the bed, you can do what you feel, but it's going to be difficult to change positions in the bed."
> 
> I'm not feeling good about this AT ALL. We have no midwives in this area, so there's no one to come to the house to help me just birth at home.
> 
> I just told the doctor "I'll probably just stay home for quite a while unless I just have a ridiculous amount of pain. I don't wanna wait too long and then BAM, there's a baby coming out of me at home, but I don't want to be stuck in a bed at the hospital either." His only response was "I'm sure you'll wanna be at the hospital before you get to the point of delivery."
> 
> I feel.... not-so-special. :nope:



I looked online and there are quite a few midwives in the Dothan, AL area. I found several in Dothan on this site:
https://www.healthgrades.com/provid...OfficesAndHospitalsPracticesAndOffices_anchor
try looking there and there is also the AL Midwives Alliance (ALMA) I think that is what I read. If there are issues with homebirths then I would look into traveling to The Farm in TN. Look at The Farm's website they are pretty amazing. They are all very kind and very talented and skilled at what they do. I will see if I can find the other midwife search engine and send you the link. There is no reason to be strapped to a bed. I stood and squatted next to the bed while on the monitor. They can still monitor you even out of the bed. You can also refuse to be constantly monitored but you may get treated poorly for being "difficult". I would either find another hospital, or find a birth center or a home birthing midwife.


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## Jendra

Your OB sounds like an asshat. And a hospital may have policies, but I think they're off their rocker with the no food & drink bit. They're not the movie theatre. They can't deny you outside snacks. I know it's 'cause they want you able to have surgery, but that just gives you an idea what their angle is.

If a doula or midwife is off the table, how about a pushy mother? Sister? Aunt? How vocal is your husband? They can't strap you to a bed against your will, so when you dismiss the IV and all the other hooplah you aren't interested in, if you have allies on your side armed with your wishes, maybe they can take the pressure off you and tell the staff there to back off if they give you too much hassle.


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## MeanKitty23

Oh how about I found midwives today, but I'm on my husband's insurance and the state will pick up the rest of the bill because we really can't afford the 20% remainder. Get this though.... I don't qualify to have a midwife here under the state's coverage unless the state COMPLETELY covers the cost. Otherwise, my insurance would cover, but then I'd have to pay the rest of the bills anyway - which is why I got the state coverage. .... How much sense does that make? I have insurance that will save the state money and I can't have a midwife unless I pay something out of pocket even though I qualified for the help. ....... 

I did manage to switch hospitals though. Southeast Alabama Medical Center will let me labor in water (BIG plus for me) and they'll let me eat, drink and walk about as I please as long as I'm in good health, as well as the baby. I'm ecstatic about that part.

It was a hassle all day today trying to find someone to see me though. I was going to see the midwife and literally while I'm undressed, waiting for the midwife to come see me in the office, the woman handling the financial stuff comes in and says she just realized I had insurance that's picked up the pregnancy bills and that Medicaid is only covering part the cost so I'll need to switch to an actual doctor if I want everything covered by both! .... I had to get dressed and LEAVE, go to an office, fill out more paperwork to switch records n all, got sent home, got called on the way home to come BACK and see the doctor on-call .... I would've told everyone to go to hell today but realistically, if I wanna deliver at the hospital of my choice... I needed to see a doctor at least. 

I was up from 8:30 AM till 5 PM running around just trying to switch all my crap today - with BH going on along with that! *throws hands up* 

Anyway.... It's handled. I have things setup now - thankfully. Just disappointed about that midwife thing.


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## MeanKitty23

Jendra said:


> Your OB sounds like an asshat. And a hospital may have policies, but I think they're off their rocker with the no food & drink bit. They're not the movie theatre. They can't deny you outside snacks. I know it's 'cause they want you able to have surgery, but that just gives you an idea what their angle is.
> 
> If a doula or midwife is off the table, how about a pushy mother? Sister? Aunt? How vocal is your husband? They can't strap you to a bed against your will, so when you dismiss the IV and all the other hooplah you aren't interested in, if you have allies on your side armed with your wishes, maybe they can take the pressure off you and tell the staff there to back off if they give you too much hassle.

An "asshat" .... :rofl:

No sister, no other family nearby - they're 5 hours away. All I have is my MIL and she's gonna be watching our 6 month old - My adoptive son, husband's biological son. The ONLY person I have that can defend me if things go south is my husband. .... I've seen him get ridiculously angry over, believe it or not, the cable company. And that's really about it. And that was because a guy gave us the run around and didn't install cable and internet the day we had scheduled it to be setup. So hubby came home, found out and blew his lid. 

I've been with him a year now, married for 4 months, and that's the only other time I've seen him really angry/"pushy" about something. Well, also when his mother has attempted to tell him how irresponsible and hateful he is (she deserved to get chewed out for that... they have a horrible relationship actually). And of course he and I have butted heads a handful of times - and he has the ability to get mean if he wants - I don't tolerate the attitude at all whatsoever. 

As far as this particular situation, I have no earthly idea how he would handle things if I get upset and need someone to speak up for me. I'll kinda have to play that by ear. If worse ever came to worse, I'll speak up for myself though. After getting support from this website, and getting angrier with my experiences with prenatal care - I've had enough. I really have.


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## MindUtopia

That sounds wonderful. Even if you have to be 'officially' under a doctor's care, better to be under a doctor's care in a hospital that will let you birth how you want. It doesn't necessarily matter too much who catches the baby (though I'm sure a midwife would be better!) but I'm sure it will make a huge difference to you to be active, eat and drink what you want, and have the water birth you want. That place sounds awesome. I'm sure all the hassle will be worth it when the time comes. And hopefully it will be soon! :happydance:


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## PepsiChic

I had a natural hospital birth with an OBGYN that i saw throughout the pregnancy and she delivered the baby, she actually recommended i stay at home till the contractions were 3-2 minutes apart.

About a month before the baby was due we wrote a birth plan and made a few copis gave one to her and took one to to hospital which they stuck up on the board in our room. 

No medication was the first rule...no Epi, no IV not even a tylenol! 
second rule was I could get up and go as I wished until time to push
Third rule was Id have the baby in any position I felt comfortable even if it ment doing a handstand! 

each nurse that came on shift was directed to read my birh plan by me or the obgyn or previous nurse and they were happy to go with it. 

we of course had a emergency back up plan which was - "gas me out and save the baby - no needles"

we left the house when contractions were 3 minutea apart it was an hour drive to the hospital, by the time we got there i was almost fully dilated so didnt do much walka round just standing and groaning leaning over the bed, they did a quick monitor and then let me right back up again. 2 hours later baby was born, I left and went home 24 hours later.

my advice is - make a birth plan, make sure everyone whos ees you knows it! have an emergency back up plan.

Have someone with you that can stand up for you and speak on your behalf, if your in transition and they are trying to push an epi on you, and you know deep down you dont want it...have that support person be there to say that for you! 2 voices are stronger then 1!

Remember they are doctors, they are their to help not be evil...but they try to do things by the book, stay firm in your choices and always refer them back to the birth plan if they try to make "suggestions"


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