# Can't believe I'm posting here



## MissingBubs

I struggled through losses and an ectopic to get my first child. A beautiful little girl. I never understood gender disappointment. How could anyone wish for something other than a healthy baby. Male or Female. 
18 months ago I got my precious baby. 18 months later I'm expecting our next welcome addition, except this time I'm petrified it's a boy. I hate boys names. I'm scared of raising a boy for him to be naughty and fight and take drugs. Every male I've ever know has been naughty or a cheat or in trouble or nasty and broke my heart in some way.
I have dreams of my two girls being the best of friends and sharing and arguing over make up and clothes. Spending nights practicing make up on me. All three of us choosing wedding dresses for their big days. A boy just doesn't factor into my dreams.
I've just had my 13 week scan and every single person is telling me it's a boy. Nothing confirmed, but I know they're right and I just don't know how to snap myself out of these feelings.
I know I will adjust and once it's confirmed I will learn to love my boy and have new dreams for our family. But right now I just want to scream!!!! I'm lucky to have one beautiful perfect child and now I get a second. Effing man up and deal with it. This is not a tragedy, it's a miracle. I was told I'd need IVF and yet I'm having my second natural baby after all the heartache. And yet I still can't shake this feeling!!!!!
What is wrong with me?!?!?! I don't deserve my baby.


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## Misscalais

Sorry you're feeling this way.
I hate to say it but not all boys fight and take drugs.
My 16 year old sister just got suspended from a private school for buying pott in the toilets at school and has apparently been smoking and drinking for the last year. My older sister and I also rebelled at 16 ( drinking and what not ) got into punch ups at school, both moved out by 17. We were awful teens and my poor mum had to cop a lot. Constantly apologising for how horrible I was to her.
My brother on the other hand just turned 20 and still living with mum, helping her out with the bills, didnt drink till 18, never touched and drugs, was captain at school at the only fights his ever been in were us girls being mean to him when he was little poor thing lol!
Anyway so my point is you can't stereo type genders and more. I understand that it's scary the thought of being a parent to a gender you're unsure of, but I'm sure he'd be just a super amazing little boy if you do have a boy. Bring him up as best you can and leave the rest to him. Boy or girl bad decisions don't discriminate.
Just remember its a totally normal feeling to be sad/disappointed/scared no one here is going to judge you. 
I just found out today I'm having baby boy number 3. And I so wanted a girl to complete the family and I did cry that it wasn't my girl. I'm in no way disappointed that baby is a boy cause boys are awesome, just the fact that reality had set in and I won't be a mum to a daughter and that breaks my heart. 
Will you be finding out the sex when you can or having a surprise.


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## MonyMony

Boys of course are as variable as girls. When they are wild, yes, perhaps they are wilder. I know my son had more violent kinds of energy when he was small--he threw tantrums and was always wanting to wrestle with the other boys. My daughter bounced off the walls, but was usually content just climbing things and tumbling. But how they control themselves--well, that ball's in your court. I have no doubt you can raise a smart, inquisitive, sensitive boy who can learn to talk things out rather than fight. 

My son is 15 now. He's never gotten into physical fights, but he pushes boundaries with us all the time--in a typical teenage way. He's great at arguing, but he's turned that into a knack for speech and debate at school. 

Despite the fact that I grew up thinking I wanted only girls (maybe because I only have sisters) I love having one of each gender. They are such good friends and they've never had to share the spotlight. And I'm afraid that without my son, I would have a tendency to judge all males more harshly than deserved.


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## Darlin65

I know it's hard to understand this especially when you've been through a loss or infertility as well. It brings an even bigger guilt with it.

Your boy will act how he is raised to act. My little sister is one of the meanest, nastiest teenagers I know and will be 16 in a week. She always was a nightmare but my little brother, nephew and my DS are such sweet boys. I'm sure you will find your girls in some disappointing situations too unless they manage to hide things well from you. When you have a boy you are also raising and teaching him to be a respectable man. Most people don't see it this way. Most think "just boys being boys" when they are mean and dishonest so they get away with murder (I've seen it in extended family far too much) but a girl must always be a lady. 

I'm sure your little man will steal your heart. They are such momma's boys usually it's quite sweet. They will wear their heart on their sleeve unless you teach them otherwise ;)


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## MissingBubs

Thank you. Each one of you has pointed out something that I hadn't thought about with your responses. 
I guess my Husband was brought up to be a man and fight his battles and he was in and out of a lot of trouble growing up. Well, until he met me. He's a wonderful man but he can be angry when he's emotional (not to me or our Daughter) rather than showing his emotions because that's not what men do in his view. 
It will be my job to re educate him so that our son learns how to be a nice man. Just hope I can do it.
We will be finding out the gender as soon as possible. Maybe even at 16 weeks with a private scan if I can afford it. And then I can start thinking about our future as it will be rather than as I want it to be.
Thank you all for taking the time to respond. It really does mean a lot and has lifted my spirits. 
Ultimately I love my baby, regardless of it's gender.


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## hello_kitty

I believe that if you raise him correctly from the beginning, he will grow up to be a responsible, kind young man. I honestly want my son to to inherit my husband's traits. To me my husband is the perfect image of a man in this society. He's kind, considerate of others, and even does house chores. I love how he pays attention to details and actually enjoys taking me shopping. Sometimes its kind of embarrassing praising my husband straight to his face, and when I do he thinks im mocking or kidding around, but at the end of the day I think I found a great catch and would be happy if my son grew up to be like him. My husband was raised the traditional way though, so he didnt have any gadgets to play with (I think gadgets like cell phones, video games, tv, only started recently). I'm determined to raise my child the traditional way so no cell phones until they are in high school and im definitely not getting unlimited text.


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## jenniferttc1

Just try to take one day at a time. If baby is a boy, you will probably be sad, but once you see him, gender doesn't matter. 
My little boy is the sweetest little guy. He loves to kiss and hug and his giggles can brighten a room. It's not the gender that determines how a person will be...its their upbringing. I know just as many horrible girls as boys.


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## Julia35

I can understand wanting a little girl. I once felt that way too, until I had 2 little boys. Wow. It was nothing like I dreaded. I would feel so cheated if I had never had a son. Seriously. They are so kind, generous, and teachers stop me to commend their upbringing. My daughter is sweet too, but my boys steal the show with their exquisite manners. :). Best wishes!


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## cooch

What I worry about most for my boy is the dangers he'll face. I have a teenage brother and everytime he has a night out I'm really worried for his safety. I really wouldn't worry as much about a girl strange as that sounds.


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## MissingBubs

Well, I've had it confirmed. Our second little miracle is in fact a BOY! And I'm over the moon. As soon as the sonographer said "ah, there we go. Can you see that between the legs" I just said "Boy?" And felt a huge rush of love for my little man. 24 hours on I'm even more in love. Feeling him move, buying his first outfits. Pure bliss. I appreciate that I'm very lucky to have these feelings and some people do struggle for longer, but please know that it will pass. And you will be happy. 
Boys names still suck though!!!


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## Misscalais

MissingBubs said:


> Well, I've had it confirmed. Our second little miracle is in fact a BOY! And I'm over the moon. As soon as the sonographer said "ah, there we go. Can you see that between the legs" I just said "Boy?" And felt a huge rush of love for my little man. 24 hours on I'm even more in love. Feeling him move, buying his first outfits. Pure bliss. I appreciate that I'm very lucky to have these feelings and some people do struggle for longer, but please know that it will pass. And you will be happy.
> Boys names still suck though!!!

So happy for you Hun :)


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