# tempted to talk to FOB....I'm gonna cry!



## trashit

i know its a stupid stupid idea... because after everything he did i've made it perfectly clear i do not want him in Jude's life and he doesn't deserve to be a part of it anyway. But i still feel slightly annoyed that he never fought to see Jude in any kind of way, he just told me to fuck off. I feel sorry for Jude.... I keep looking at him and thinking "i wonder if your daddy ever thinks about you" I cant help but wonder if he ever thinks "has he been born, is he alright, whats she called him" etc etc. I havent changed my number so unless he deleted it he could call me at any time but doesn't so its clear he doesn't even care... *sighs* i just cant help but want to call and say he's been born, he weighed 10 lbs etc. I got upset over it the other night, i just feel for Jude so badly..... but its a silly idea isn't it?


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## AyaChan

hun if its something you want to do, then do it, its not stupid at all 

xx


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## trashit

i know but i feel really stupid for even thinking about doing it. i cant tell him he's not responsible enough to be a dad and i dont want him in Jude's life but then ring him and say "your sons here incase you were wondering" like im dying to! i mean he'll know that by now he has to be here considering its 12 days after due date... :shrug: i dunno its all been running around my mind!! xx


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## faolan5109

It isn't a stupid idea love its what you feel. I can't say that it won't end bad but if it is what you want then go for it. We are all here for you love :hugs:


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## stephx

If its something thats on your mind then I would do it, I dont know anything about your ex or what happened but go for it! Just letting him know Judes here doesnt have to lead to anything else...

Let us know what you decide :hugs:

xx

xx


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## fantastica

it's definitely not stupid...but ifyou decide to make sure you've thought about it lots (i'm sure you have) and be prepared for things not going well...expect the worse iykwim..then he can't hurt you anymore. 

Jude is amazing, and completely understand why you feel how you do...but you're doing such an amazing job, he doesn't need anyone else!

Tbh if I was you...think the curiosity would get the better of me...but don't completely know your situation...sounds really complicated :(

One day he'll realise just how wrong he is

Hope you work out what your wanna do :) xx


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## trashit

well i unblocked him on facebook... now i just feel absolutely sick. His new profile picture is so idiotic too lol, just makes me realise even more how much of an absolute titface he is! 48 hours before i can block him again now :lol: dunno if i should hit the message button!!


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## faolan5109

Just send him a picture if you can't type anything, then see what he says. If he doesn't say anything then you have your answer you know?


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## trashit

i dont want it to lead to anything else heh. It definitely is just curiousity! but you know what they say about that... :lol: 
Thanks everyone :hugs:
:shrug: my mum would KILL me if she knew i'd just unblocked him lol.
He still has the baby photo album with the scan photo..... 
:rofl: my little brothers (eleven years old) commented on it-
"you got my sister pregnant then ran off and left her you dick"
LMAO.


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## stephx

trashit said:


> i dont want it to lead to anything else heh. It definitely is just curiousity! but you know what they say about that... :lol:
> Thanks everyone :hugs:
> :shrug: my mum would KILL me if she knew i'd just unblocked him lol.
> *He still has the baby photo album with the scan photo.....
> my little brothers (eleven years old) commented on it-
> "you got my sister pregnant then ran off and left her you dick"*
> LMAO.


:rofl: :rofl:


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## supriseBump_x

If he hasn't bothered to contact u or anything then isnt he making it pretty clear that he doesn't care :shrug: I think if u contact him it might end up upsetting you even more... 
He doesn't deserve to be in Jude's life after not being there for u during pregnancy. Your doing a fantastic job of being Jude's mummy U can do the job of being both his mummy and daddy :hugs: xxx


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## supriseBump_x

Double post :shrug: :wacko: xxx


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## faolan5109

trashit said:


> i dont want it to lead to anything else heh. It definitely is just curiousity! but you know what they say about that... :lol:
> Thanks everyone :hugs:
> :shrug: my mum would KILL me if she knew i'd just unblocked him lol.
> He still has the baby photo album with the scan photo.....
> :rofl: my little brothers (eleven years old) commented on it-
> "you got my sister pregnant then ran off and left her you dick"
> LMAO.

:rofl::rofl:

Holy Crap thats amazing! He gets a million points!:happydance:


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## Jadelm

I think just sending him a picture and Jude's name and DOB would suffice. You can rest assured that you let him know his son was here and if he doesn't reply you can be happy in the knowledge that you tried for Jude's sake to even get FOB to acknowledge him :hugs:

But I don't properly know the situation. If it was me I'd be tempted out of curiosity and also to rub it in his face that I have a beautiful baby boy and he's a d**k for missing out on someone as special as Jude (and you of course :flower:) xxxx


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## Loz94

I don't think you are being silly, you are bound to wonder that wat about getting someone else to tell him ?


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## trashit

his mum asked my nanna if she'd phone when Jude had been born and let her know, so thats clearly (well i think) to pass on to Dan... but my nanna said she was gonna wait for them to call her and definitely not tell them his name or anything just say he's baby croot for now (so they know hes taking my surname!)
:haha: at my brother, i swear he thinks hes some big G. He's such a gimp, he had a go at him on facebook chat as well :rofl:


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## jenny_wren

i'd send him a picture with his name and dob on it

that way he's seen his son and knows he's here
but then it's up to him whether he wants to take
it any further, if he doesn't want to know then
sod him you're doing a wonderful job without him
if he does decide he wants to know then atleast
jude will know who his father is even if he is a dick

:hugs: xxx​


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## fantastica

haha your brother sounds great!! so funny!! (well not funny but you knowww )

if you've unblocked his fb..wont it come up on his news feed thing?! if you've put pics up?!! x


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## trashit

feel a bit of an arse for unblocking him now.... cos i darent say anything :lol: well if he searches for me now i'll come up. altho saying that he could have just got a friend to search for me and i'd have come up so for all i know he could have seen Jude already?!


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## supriseBump_x

Are u on his friends list? xxx


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## trashit

i haven't readded him, just unblocked him so he can now see me if he searches for me, but cant see any of my profile other than my profile picture and name cos ive privatised it all. He could have already seen Jude for all i know. But i dont want him in Jude's life and i made that perfectly clear, he has no right :| But i cant help but be dying to let him know Jude's here lol. I'm just petrified of the outcome... x


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## shelx

i dont know of all the things hes done but if youre comfortable with it i dont see why you shouldnt get in touch with him? just do what you think is best for baby jude :hugs:
xx


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## Mummy2Asher

i understand how u feel, i actually fought for a year for ash to see FOB becuase i also felt bad and didnt want ash to blame me for not having a dad, it was a year of hell! i got so much abuse! he wanted nothing to do with him and now i look back and thought i was an idiot! he does not want a son and does not DESERVE a son. 
ive not connected myself in anyway to him now, no maintenance money or anything. but everyones situation is different, at the end of the day he should want to be in his sons life and by not contacting you i think thats saying alot.
dont feel sorry for your son, my son and me are even more close and have such a great bond, i dont feel like hes missed out....he now has my OH who he loves to play footy with etc but at the end of the day he always wants to come and cuddle me and talk.
xxx


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## QuintinsMommy

I alway so understand how you feel, FOB doesn't have fb but I msged his sister and mom, his sister answered saying Quintin doesn't look like FOB and that He probs isn't his!
but Quintin looks alot like FOB so whatever, his mom never answered
sometimes I email FOB updated pictures, I know he never goes on his email, but maybe one day he will ...


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## trashit

thanks girlies :flower: 
i just look at him and think "what a dick" i cant help it, hes such a tithead. I'll give Jude all the love i can, it just seems to me that he'll always think theres something missing not having a father figure...
I dont think ill tell him.. cos ill probably wake up tomorrow and think OH NO! :| lol


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## futuremommy91

trashit said:


> i dont want it to lead to anything else heh. It definitely is just curiousity! but you know what they say about that... :lol:
> Thanks everyone :hugs:
> :shrug: my mum would KILL me if she knew i'd just unblocked him lol.
> He still has the baby photo album with the scan photo.....
> :rofl: my little brothers (eleven years old) commented on it-
> "you got my sister pregnant then ran off and left her you dick"
> LMAO.

LOL!
Your brother sounds like a fine little man :)

I'd just email him saying that his son is here, along with a pic. And if he doesn't answer when he sees his son, then you can know for sure. I agree with the others- be prepared for the worst hun.

And Jude has a WONDERFUL mother. The fact that you carried him and brought him into this world despite how difficult it may be speaks truckloads of how much you love him. And that is more than enough. And it does sound like Jude has a lovely grandma and uncle :)

One day you'll meet a guy who will love you and Jude like he is the FOB, but for now Jude has many people in his life who love him no matter what and will do anything for him. And that's pretty great.

:hugs:


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## trashit

aww thats really lovely :hugs: thankyou! 
well i sent him a pic and just put 7.3.10
:)


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## Mellie1988

Awww hun, sounds like similar situation to my sister....my nephew was born and my sister felt like you, sorry for my nephew for not having a daddy, so she messaged him and he just ignored it....she even invited him to his 1st birthday party (he still hadn't seen him or anything or even asked about him) over facebook on an event invitation thing and straight away he came up in the "not attending" box...hes a complete knob and my nephew is better off without him!! 

Anyway, just thought i'd share that story, my nephew is 2 now and my sister is doin a fab job, shes a mummy and daddy in one and thats all the lil man wants...all that love for mummy!! 
I know that you are gonna be a fab mummy, you can tell already from your piccies, Jude looks adorable, and just think, u will get all the cuddles and kisses and you wont have to share him with anyone!! 

I hope you get the outcome you want from the message hun 
x


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## trashit

im sorry your sister had to go through it :hugs: its horrible, i dont wish it on anyone, i just wish men _had_ to be as responsible as us women! its so unjustified. well he did me the BIGGEST favour in leaving, hes such a gimp :dohh: he's one of them exes you look at and think "why didnt someone punch me?!" :rofl: (soo glad Jude takes after me, i'd DIE if he looked anything like FOB :lol: thats mean isnt it?! lol)
i've let him know now anyway, so we'll see if i get ignored or i get some kind of respsonse. wouldn't surprise me if i either get blanked or i get "fuck off" again.. im not really sure what sort of response i want, or if i even want a response. I just wanted him to know, im curious as to whether he ever thinks of him.. he must do, surely?! x


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## princess_vix

I think you should just let him know,see what happens hun x


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## Jadelm

Oooo I'm curious now too (or just plain nosey :haha:) let us know how it goes honey :hugs: xxx


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## trashit

i'll be sure to, i'd laugh if i get a nasty response, that'll make my day!x


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## xMissxZoiex

I Hope everything turns out ok, i would be nice for Jude if his Father/Sperm Donar would show him the attention he deserves but you are doing great on your own! And all Jude Needs is you! I think you have done the right thing sending him a picture of him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## samface182

i really don't know what advice to give you ellie.. cos i dunno the whole situation.
but if he isn't bothering to contact you, then he cant be that fussed :shrug:
only YOU can make this decision, for both you and jude.
your doing an amazing job, being a mummy to gorgeous jude :)
i know you have prob bein thinking about this constantly, but all you can do is think about it both ways.
will he be a good father to jude?
everything will work out hun :)
:hugs:


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## cabaretmum2b

I think you've done the right thing by sending him a picture and the date...now the ball's in his court and it's up to him what to do. If he doesn't reply or he's nasty, then it's clear that that's that. If not...well, you might be able to get child maintenence out of him or something  Seriously, though, at least you'll know he cares, and you'll be able to tell Jude that, too. You're obviously perfectly capable of looking after him, though, and you're doing such a fantastic job, you shouldn't feel bad about FOB not being there, because it's his own fault!


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## debsxhim

Normally I would say that every father deserves the right to know about their children, but from what I've read I really don't think he deserves anything! If he knows your number, or knows where you live, or knows someone who knows you, then he has no excuse not to speak to you. I guess a picture and the name and date of birth wouldn't hurt. You could just say your son, send it, then block him again. If that gets him in a better state of mind maybe he will try talking to you just to see how Judes doing.

Good luck, dear! :D


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## nightkd

Haha! Your brother's comment is hilarious!! Go him!! :rofl:

I think sending him the pic with the DOB is fair enough, then if anything happens later on, he can't say you didn't even tell him he was born - it's given him the chance to see his child and comment. Hope he's not a dick. :hugs:

xx


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## trashit

i'm not "shutting him out" he left and chose not to be a part of Jude's life, and i told him he can't suddenly jump on back in now, he's made his decision and he'll have to live with it. He's not responsible enough to look after a rat, let alone my son. 

Anyway. So he replied with-

Thank you SO much. You didn't want me to be in touch but I just needed to know that everything was ok with baby. Thanks for that. Is he called Dexter? I haven't forgotten your picture, will send as soon as I have the money. This afternoons works just gone out the window. Head up my arse moment. Congratulations. I really do wish you both the very best from the bottom of my heart. 
Things between us didn't work out how I had hoped. I want you to know I'm extremely proud of you. It's just so amazing. 


So i'm not completely furious. Angry that he didn't comment on how beautiful Jude is though :growlmad: although saying that, i wouldn't expect him to he's never been the most enthusiastic of people... So there we are lol.


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## cabaretmum2b

Oh, thank goodness for that. That response could have been a LOT worse, and now you know where he stands with it all. He obviously cares to an extent about you and Jude, even if he didn't before. At least now you don't have to worry about him any more. Well done :)


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## aiimee12345

ellie u no its not stupid.. if u want to then do it! at least then u can say when jude's older u tried even if FOB doesnt want to no least u tried to do something bout it!!
& u havent changed ur number so its his fault... but hun if u want to then do it :D ... x


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## Jadelm

I think that's kinda a good reply, because he was nice at least and he is right to be proud of you even if it seems a bit patronising :hugs: He showed a bit of interest asking the name but at the same time isn't saying he wants to be really involved which is what you wanted right? Idk, it could have been a lot worse though :)
At least you probs feel a bit satisfied now? xxx


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## aiimee12345

lol ellie i only jus red that he replied lol!

is that all he put? but then again he is a man!! ... there never very good at anything are they really! x


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## KrisKitten

wow, just read the whole thread, 
im glad he replied...tbh it sounds like he is interested but still a man lol.
R u gonna reply? 
well done for being so brave and contacting him xxx


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## nicholatmn

It's a really good response from what it sounded like he was going to put! :flower:


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## lily123

Hi Ellie.

Well i've read this only just now, and i think you did 100% the right thing :hugs: and knowing all the shit he put you through, you really are so brave for contacting him.
Are you gonna reply to him?

In response to what another poster said on the previous page... Jude's father shut HIMSELF out of his life, all ellie was doing was protecting herself and her precious son, and i think she was right to keep her guard up - once your out, your out kinda thing :thumbup:

I love your 'no nonsence' attitude Miss croot ;)
xxx


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## sleepinbeauty

Awesome! I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for the money though. You never know. (That said, have you filed for CS?) Good for you!! (I really am happy he wasn't an a*****e to you in his message!!)


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## trashit

never wanted money from him anyway, all his money is too precious to him it goes on his drugs and booze  
he's an idiot.
Aww Linzi thanks :hugs: that really made me happy!!! :D :D
it wasn't a vicious response like i was expecting, it was nice of him but its just the fact he didnt even comment on Jude or anything. I just replied with "It was a traumatic birth but he's here now safe and well, i'm recovering too, he weighed 10lbs- i know ouch! he's a hungry little monster but so gorgeous *(hint hint! lol) *and he's not Dexter, he's Jude.


He should be happy i called him Jude anyway, that was the original name we picked out when we first found out ;)


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## aob1013

That response could have been alot worse. Glad it wasn't a nasty one! x


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## supriseBump_x

Well done Ellie :) It must of taken alot for u to have contacted him. :hugs: xxx


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## trashit

i LOVE your name choices dailymail :D


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## trashit

:lol: he just put "Jude is better than Dexter anyway"
niice!


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## aiimee12345

yep it is :D hehe!! 
xx


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## futuremommy91

men :dohh:

But it could have been a lot worse!


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## annawrigley

trashit said:


> :rofl: my little brothers (eleven years old) commented on it-
> "you got my sister pregnant then ran off and left her you dick"
> LMAO.

your brother is a legend!

i think you did the right thing by letting him know! :hugs: and thats a much better response than i was expecting! i even thought the "thank you SO much" was him being sarcastic before i read the rest of the message :rofl:
i hope things go ok with all this and he steps up and starts contributing! (if only financially because its totally fair enough if you dont want him in jude's life, he sounds like a monster) xx


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## Jadelm

annawrigley said:


> i even thought the "thank you SO much" was him being sarcastic before i read the rest of the message :rofl:

Me too :haha:


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## trashit

i just went on his profile and in the baby folder he's added the picture which is my avatar on here :cry: i feel really sad now..


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## djt

awwwwwwwwwwww. wunder if he will step up 2 the mark and change


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## supriseBump_x

Aww hunni :hugs: Your doing so well, Your coping so well!! :hugs: xxxx


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## Jadelm

Aaaaw hun :hugs: so he does care a little :) xxx


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## trashit

:shrug: he didnt for last 2 months of pregnancy he just ran away like a little coward (even though he's nearly 30 :shock: so no excuses at all!) 
so why does he "care" so much now :shrug: 
its made me really sad, i had to send him a couple more pics out of sympathy :lol: xx


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## djt

he mite of just got scared my oh gets a lil bit scared has times were he panics an thinks he wnt bond. dont think we will eva understand how men work just dont get ur hopes up there also bit let downs hehe


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## Jadelm

It must be a big change from running away from a pregnant girl to knowing you have a gorgeous little son actually out there in the world having nothing to do with you. Maybe he will change, for Jude's sake I hope so. But if he doesn't you have more than enough love for Jude :) xxxx


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## supriseBump_x

Maybe the thought of being a dad was to scary for him :shrug: And now he's seen how gorgeous Jude is he's had a change of heart...? xxx


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## aiimee12345

awwww babe :D
maybe he is actually realising now he needs to be there!
men are strange creatures ... when u was pregnant maybe he didnt think u needed him.. not that u do anyway ur a great mommy :D... but maybe now he actually realises he has a gawjus little son :D xx


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## djt

ide be sending him 10000000 of pics 2 rub it in hehe


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## futuremommy91

He's nearly 30? Christ- I thought he was in his teens the way he'd been acting! (though I do know age doesn't matter- you girls are proof of that)

but STILL! glad he's starting to see the light, but this must be ver difficult for you


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## sleepinbeauty

futuremommy91 said:


> He's nearly 30? Christ- I thought he was in his teens the way he'd been acting! (though I do know age doesn't matter- you girls are proof of that)
> 
> but STILL! glad he's starting to see the light, but this must be ver difficult for you

Honestly, me too. :dohh:

I'm glad he's being nice. Please don't get your hopes up! There's a difference being talking the talk and walking the walk, you know!....it would be nice to get a few "added bonuses" from his direction though! lol


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## nightkd

Aw, glad his reply wasn't nasty. I think for men it can take the baby arriving before they realise that they have fathered a child, iykwim? Even my DH, who is utterly supportive (we were TTC) and excited to be a daddy, sometimes I wonder if he's quite in the 'zone' yet...He seems more distant than I would've thought at times... It's difficult because as the mummy we girlies feel all the kicks and the movement, have to think about what we're doing and how it effects our LOs and are physically connected to our babies before they're even born, sometimes it does just take a bit of patience to let the guy 'catch up' :winkwink:

It's nice that he's made some effort and obviously has some pride to have added the pic to his FB photos. :) I definitely wouldn't have guessed he was almost 30 either :dohh::lol:

xx


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## ohmisslizzie

Just wanted to say- I do not know how old you are but what you did was sooo mature- you have taken the high road and nothing but respect for that, I have followed some of your story and just wanted to add that you are a beautiful, amazing woman and now mother to the cutest baby ever!! xx


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## reversal

aw his reply was nice maybe its been a wake up call for him to grow up and be a dad. pleased for you and jude


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## Jadelm

ohmisslizzie is so right :)


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## shelx

maybe seeing his son and if he looks like him he could really feel loads of love 4 him? or something? lol dont know how mens minds work :haha: but maybe he'll soften now and try to be a better person? after all he does have a gorgeous baby boy and might not want 2 miss out :shrug:
youre brave 4 mailing him :hugs: and glad he wasnt nasty lol his response was actually quite sweet compared to how i thought he was goin 2 react by your posts lol
edit- i agree with jadelm, ohmisslizzie is so right :) xx


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## sleepinbeauty

nightkd said:


> It's nice that he's made some effort and obviously has some pride to have added the pic to his FB photos. :) I definitely wouldn't have guessed he was almost 30 either :dohh::lol:
> 
> xx

Glad I'm not the only one! hahaha

Also, *nightkd*, WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET SO FAR ALONG?? I swear, you were hanging out with us WTTers just last week! :rofl:

Sorry. Off topic but I caught sight of te ticker and nearly crapped myself! lol


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## TattieHattie

I just read every post!!.. Go me! :haha:
Sounds to me like he has finally realised what he's missing, sometimes it can be as simple as telling them the sex of the baby or showing them a picture when their born..
My OH left me 5 days after my nan passed away in september, then slept with one of my "friend" .. yehh i know **harsh**
I text him loads and he always put stupid things on his facebook about dna and all kinds of stupid things so he didnt have to deal with it. 
he never replyd to my txts about scans and midwife appointments, unitl the day i told him he was going to have a son, now he's sittin across the room playin ps3 (STILL) 
He told me that he always wondered if i had a bump how the scans went if the baby and me were ok.. so they do think about it sometimes, even if they do cover it up by being a dickhead!
i know your angry and upset because its taken him that long to realise what he has missed, but maybe if u wanted to, give him a chance to see jude under your terms, but dont offer wait untill he's desperate.. 
its up to you hun.. but you and Jude (Beautiful gawjus Jude) :D 
Are doin sooo well and bonding well. maybe just wait untill your mind is a bit more clear on what u want :D
Send some cuddles to Jude and a nice gental kiss for his little cubby cheeks :D :D
xx


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## glitterbomb

If you really want to call him you should or else you might keep thinking about it, or you could just write him a note and let him know.

I don't think he deserves you or your beautiful baby is his life, but you might feel better knowing you tried to get him to feel something for his baby.


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## trashit

ohmisslizzie said:


> Just wanted to say- I do not know how old you are but what you did was sooo mature- you have taken the high road and nothing but respect for that, I have followed some of your story and just wanted to add that you are a beautiful, amazing woman and now mother to the cutest baby ever!! xx

you almost sent me into tears with this. thankyou soo much :flower: that's a really lovely thing to say :)
I have tried my best, i just wanted what was best for Jude and i knew that his daddy wasn't.. Its a confusing situation cos he did run off, but at the same time i did tell him he wasn't responsible or mature enough to be a part of Jude's life but i did that _after_ he ran off may i add in. He loves drugs too much :dohh: and not only that but you WOULD think he was the 17 year old and i was the 28 year old, its actually ridiculous.. At that age he shouldn't have acted as he did.. 
Grr i dont know why i suddenly have sympathy for him! But i guess i've ran out of angry energy now and i keep looking at Jude and imagining how it would have been to bring him into a complete family.. 
Not that i want him back, hell no, he always embarrassed me. He wouldn't let me throw away his brown cords, and he played with trains still :dohh: says it all really doesnt it?! :lol: xx


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## sleepinbeauty

Sounds like my ex. At least mine is 21 years old though. (not that it's an excuse for what he put me through!!)

Among other things, he had no manners! He goes up to a friend and then-TEACHER of mine, full-well knowing that he was marrying my math teacher and goes, "Math teachers are from hell." I apologized like a crazy person and dragged his ass to the other side of the school...my teacher STILL heard me screaming at him.


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## trashit

:dohh: why are men such arseholes?!


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## xMissxZoiex

trashit said:


> :dohh: why are men such arseholes?!

I know right lol its a wounder the world isnt full of lesbians  :haha:


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## samface182

xMissxZoiex said:


> trashit said:
> 
> 
> :dohh: why are men such arseholes?!
> 
> I know right lol its a wounder the world isnt full of lesbians  :haha:Click to expand...

:rofl:


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## nightkd

sleepinbeauty said:


> nightkd said:
> 
> 
> It's nice that he's made some effort and obviously has some pride to have added the pic to his FB photos. :) I definitely wouldn't have guessed he was almost 30 either :dohh::lol:
> 
> xx
> 
> Glad I'm not the only one! hahaha
> 
> Also, *nightkd*, WHEN THE HELL DID YOU GET SO FAR ALONG?? I swear, you were hanging out with us WTTers just last week! :rofl:
> 
> Sorry. Off topic but I caught sight of te ticker and nearly crapped myself! lolClick to expand...

Lol! I'm honestly not sure :wacko: On the one hand it feels like it's dragged on for ages, because I just want to meet Bean! On the other...OMG! I'm in 3rd tri!! :shock::lol:

xx


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## trashit

bloooming hell that has gone fast!!!!! :shock: she'll be here before you know it!#


oh jesus if only we could all be lesbians and use sperm doners :lol: x


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## aiimee12345

lol yep ellie sperm donors sound good lol! 
x


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## ohmisslizzie

By the choices that you have made so far - I think you will do whats right for you and your baby, personally as long as hes drugging- I would say no way- and I know it seems all men are assholes- I had my share of them- but there are a few that are not- and I am positive you will find a man who loves you for you and Jude as his own, congrats on your sweet baby boy!!xx



trashit said:


> ohmisslizzie said:
> 
> 
> Just wanted to say- I do not know how old you are but what you did was sooo mature- you have taken the high road and nothing but respect for that, I have followed some of your story and just wanted to add that you are a beautiful, amazing woman and now mother to the cutest baby ever!! xx
> 
> you almost sent me into tears with this. thankyou soo much :flower: that's a really lovely thing to say :)
> I have tried my best, i just wanted what was best for Jude and i knew that his daddy wasn't.. Its a confusing situation cos he did run off, but at the same time i did tell him he wasn't responsible or mature enough to be a part of Jude's life but i did that _after_ he ran off may i add in. He loves drugs too much :dohh: and not only that but you WOULD think he was the 17 year old and i was the 28 year old, its actually ridiculous.. At that age he shouldn't have acted as he did..
> Grr i dont know why i suddenly have sympathy for him! But i guess i've ran out of angry energy now and i keep looking at Jude and imagining how it would have been to bring him into a complete family..
> Not that i want him back, hell no, he always embarrassed me. He wouldn't let me throw away his brown cords, and he played with trains still :dohh: says it all really doesnt it?! :lol: xxClick to expand...


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## cabaretmum2b

Dear me, he's nearly 30 and still acts like that??? Just goes to show that men stop maturing when they're around 15...then they just get grumpier. There are a few that are lovely though, and from how you are, I'm sure Jude will turn out to be one of the nice ones when he grows up :)


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## PleaseBaby

I'm amazed at how mature you have managed to be through all of the shit he's put you through! At the end of the day you have the most beautiful son ever and nothing is going to change that. I can actually understand you sympathising with him because without him you wouldn't have Jude but you have let him know your son arrived into the world safely and the balls now in his court. I'm absolutely certain that you will make the best decision for Jude and that you will be the best mother in the world, with or without his fathers help, he will miss out on nothing just because he doesn't have a father. I really hope you realise how proud you should be of yourself x


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## Jadelm

cabaretmum2b said:


> Just goes to show that men stop maturing when they're around 15...then they just get grumpier.

That is SO true :rofl:


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## trashit

that is SO true :lol:

thanks everybody :flower:

I'm just gonna be a wimp and dwell :haha: loooooooooser!

You know, i actually cried today cos i have to change docs as i now live out of the catchment area and i've been with them doctors all my life :cry: pathetic or what?! :lol:


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## aiimee12345

aww hun ur hormonal arent u? 
i dont like my doctors anyway so dont think id be too upset if i had to move!
but do get upset over silly things sumtyms dont we lol!

xx


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## Abigailly

I've not read the whole thread, only up until the point where you said about him not been there for the last 2 months of your pregnancy.
Obviously I don't know your whole situation. Honestly he sounds like a prick. But I'm going to tell you my story anyway. 
My OH wasn't there for a lot of my pregnancy, most anyway. The last few weeks he was brilliant in all fairness, but the minute he met Niamh he was head over heels and is the best Dad she could ask for. 

I know you don't want to be with him, but perhaps he can, and will, man up and be a dad for your son?

On the other had he could be some useless idiot who doesn't know the Earth from the Moon. 

And on the note of hormones, I cried today, at the fact I ripped my best jeans. It seemed like the worst thing that cold happen. EVER!


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## trashit

In a perfect world he wouldn't be such a goon and we could all be together as a family, but its not a perfect world and he IS a big fat goon. He really is someone to be ashamed of. Drugs are HIS LIFE, there's barely a sentence where he doesn't mention them. We had quite a topsy turvy relationship... We moved in together after the first date and then within a few months i was pregnant so it was all quite quick and crazy :shock: and obviously being pregnant there was the hormones and for the first few weeks i kept dumping him and getting back with him, well you all know how it is lol. Then suddenly when i was 30 weeks gone "he had found a job 2 hours away and it payed really well and i was gonna come join him with the baby when i'd got on my feet" But he left on the understanding he would keep in contact and always have his phone on in case anything happened. He left, the job didn't exist, he took all my furniture and he left the house in a state, oh and he didn't contact even though he had many ways of being able to... and left no way for me to contact him. So it was clear that he'd got scared and done a runner....
So i messaged him to let him know that i didn't think he was responsible enough to look after my son and it was in my sons best interests that he didn't think he could just swan back on in when he felt like it and he simply told me in a nutshell to "fuck off"

And i haven't heard from him since. Well until _I _contacted him to let him know about Jude...

I shouldn't have sympathy for him because he is an absolute cockface, really i think its hormones. But also the fact i just don't have the energy to be angry anymore *sighs* Its all such a confusing mess... x


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## aiimee12345

:O what a fuckin idiot!! omg... ur the one trying babe and he hasnt!!
i cant believe he left u like that! i new he left but didnt no he left like that!! WTF is wrong with him!!!

jude and u are better off without him .. he will probally just let jude down anyway!!
but hun if u want to try and let him be involved everyone would understand ur a great mommy :D ! x


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## trashit

thankyou :hugs:
It made me laugh that he changed his "looking for" on facebook to a relationship the minute we split up, i was like yeah the chances of you pulling are one in a hundred trazillion (i was his first girlfriend AT 28 YEARS OLD) :lol: x


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## aiimee12345

lol really?!?!?
what a loser lol!! 

haha ellie u make me giggle :D
u & Jude deserve better :D x


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## trashit

yeah and he boned his step mum, i wouldn't have minded if she was sexy but she was in her fifties and still thought she was a 20 year old hippy :sick: she was also the size of a boat... :shrug: I'm gagging to tell his dad, he still has no idea :rofl:

Sorry i shouldn't be exposing FOB's dirty laundry on here, but it does make me giggle.

Thankyou sugar :hugs: x


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## AyaChan

ive just been reading this since it started.

but i have to say, OMG @ the stepmum thing :haha:


Jude don't need him anyways, we all know that, your more than enough for the little(big) man :D

xx


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## Mellie1988

Glad he replied with a 'nice' message hun, tbh though that message proves that he isn't worth it otherwise he would of said like can he meet him etc....I dunno? He sounds like a looooser, and from the story above about how he left you, I agree with all the other girls in that you and Jude are most definitely better off with out him! 

Hope you got that bit of closure that you needed? :hugs:

x


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## trashit

yeah it has given me closure, he didn't respond to the other pictures i sent so i just closed it off by saying that i'm sorry it didnt work out too and i made a joke about me being back to "normal" now and not the crazy pregnant lady anymore lol.
I just said "you know where i am"
Its not like if he did turn up i'd turn him away or anything, i would have done 2 months ago, i'd have happily punched him off the doorstep :rofl: But i would let him see Jude, its not fair me turning him away but i'm not going to beg and plead him to come see him, its his decision in the end.
I keep invisioning him turning up. I crazily keep thinking that every car door i hear slam outside is him lol. I think i'm spending too much time inside! :lol: xx


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## Jadelm

I think you've done the absolute most unselfish thing for Jude and given FOB a fantastic oppurtunity which quite frankly, after reading how he left you, he didn't deserve. I couldn't have done it to be honest, I would be too pissed off, but the fact you have been so mature for Jude is just amazing hun :hugs: you are gonna be THE BEST mum and Jude is as lucky to have you as you are to have him :hugs: xxx


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## trashit

aww thankyou :cry: everyone on here is SO lovely, i really dont know where i'd be without this site! xx


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## Jadelm

:hugs: I'm feeling the same way hun, it's such a great community, I've never seen a forum quite so good anywhere on the net no matter what it's about. :happydance: yay we get to be a part of it xxxxx


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## cabaretmum2b

Christ, what a prick. I think you've done the right thing by leaving him a window open, without making it sound like you particularly need/want him to come running.
Bravo!
Now you can get on with looking after your beautiful son without having to worry about him.

Oh, and I nearly wet myself laughing at the stepmum thing. Although that is quite a common occurrence nowadays...

EDIT** - Nearly wetting myself is more common, I mean. Sleeping with your stepmother is probably less frequent than it used to be. Just to clarify :)


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## trashit

:rofl:
well its disgusting! it made me feel sick when he told me. funny thing is she kept sending him letters telling him how sorry she was and how much she loved him :rofl:

It amuses me cos to look at him you'd think he was just some innocent dork in his brown cord pants and floral shirts :haha: but in actual fact he is a DICK.
He always had these shitty put me downs. Like the fact "he thought he was in bed with a boy when i had my back turned to him" cos i had short hair at the time and when i was feeling low about my weight once "i should be a size 8" (i was a SIZE 12 with a gorgeouss figure, what id give to have it back!)
I really dont know why i didnt leave sooner :shrug: xx


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## aiimee12345

trashit said:


> yeah and he boned his step mum, i wouldn't have minded if she was sexy but she was in her fifties and still thought she was a 20 year old hippy :sick: she was also the size of a boat... :shrug: I'm gagging to tell his dad, he still has no idea :rofl:
> 
> Sorry i shouldn't be exposing FOB's dirty laundry on here, but it does make me giggle.
> 
> Thankyou sugar :hugs: x

lol that was sooo funny!! haha u should tell his dad lol!
it wud be like jeremy kyle :) xxxxx:hugs:


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## aiimee12345

omg he sounds like a right idiot!!!!!

but u did get a gawjus little boy from it :D xxx


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## trashit

the best thing ever :D x


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## trashit

sorry;
i need to rant and i didn't wanna make an unnessecary new thread. i know its all my fault which is the thing i'm most annoyed at BUT. I've been messaging FOB for past week on facebook about Jude, about where it all went wrong, we've been really (surprisingly) civil with each other. We were beginning to come to terms with the fact we should both be civilised people, be as friendly as possible and maybe he should come visit Jude. Anyway, so he sent me a friend request. Me being me i thought, why not, ill have a nosey at whats going on with him. I soo wish i hadn't. All over his wall is him slagging me off to everyone. My little brother (who is a little twirt and seems to think hes some big black man :haha:) Has put "why you do tht to my sister bled" :rofl: And he's like "have you heard yourself, i only tried to do whats best by her, she broke up with me, she BROKE MY HEART" blah blah blah. Then i scroll a bit further down, there's someone whose put "FUCK ROOT" (meaning fuck croot, my surname) Then there's him saying "shes broke up with me cos i was trying to provide for her, well ive had enough of her shit, ive had enough of walking for miles to a shit job- (HE WALKED ONCE TO WORK COS HE HAD NO BUS FARE!) i'm finally out of the hell hole thats Bradford, Alice (my nanna) can't fuck up my life anymore, cos really it was her who broke us up moving us into that shitty run down house! (my nanna found us our first house and out of the kindness of her heart payed for it doing up for us but the minute the rain came it got damp, mouldy, it turned into a hell hole, But my nanna didn't know that was gonna happen!) 
And then on the part where its like "daniel is now single" him and all his friends are like go on lad, much better without the psycho. blah blah. Anyway i got to that point and had enough, i deleted him again, and couldnt help but go mad in a message.
How dare he put down me AND my family, argue with my ELEVEN YEAR OLD BROTHER, all over his wall. Why didnt he just ignore my brother, delete him, whatever. I mean come on, how can someone who is nearly 29 years of age sit arguing with an 11 year old child via facebook !?!? Its really infuriated me, and now i feel SO stupid for talking to him, even though i know i did the right thing. Oh and another thing; he wants to talk about MY family destroying things, how about his mother! She was practically responsible for breaking us up. AND it came out of the wood work a few days ago that she told my nanna "it would be for the best we put the baby up for adoption, dan isnt responsible" NO BUT I FUCKING AM!!!!!!!! I honestly could swing for someone, :gun: xx


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## aiimee12345

omg what an idiot!!
never a good idea is it too look on fb i always find out the wrong things too!!!

why argue with ur brother & slag ur family off like that!?!!? 
its his family & him that have dun this not u!!!... 
he's tryin to make out like he is all good... but he hasnt even seen Jude once... o yh thats being a good dad isnt it!!!!

x


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## Lissa3120

It's a shame guys can't own up for their own mistakes and have to blame those around them, and those they are closest or were closest to. But at the end of the day it's him who misses out. In years to come if your son asks you where his daddy is, you can tell him that you tried, and you did what you felt was best at the time, he just chose to be this way, you'll know in your heart of hearts that your son has had the best, with or without his bio father. anybody can create a child, but it takes someone really special to step up and take responsibility for that child. and in your case your the one who did that, and that makes you a very special mother to your son. just keep acting in your sons best interest and you'll have done nothing wrong, so far you've proven yourself to be more of a person than he is (more manly too, if you get what i mean!) and a damn great mother. you shouldnt feel bad for giving someone a second chance they didnt deserve. :) im sorry its all so hard, but it will get better (Im sure your tired of hearing that.) take care of yourself and Jude, nothing else matters other than the two of you are well.


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## nicholatmn

OMG, what an idiot. If I could go over to where he lives, I'd smack him so hard, his grandkids would feel it (sorry Jude's kids!).


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## trashit

hehe yehh poor grandkidddies! Lets make his mum feel it instead?! 
Thanks everyone,
:flower:
feels better to get it out in a rant! x


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## AyaChan

it would be funny if my mum knew her, maybe I could convince my mum to give her what for haha.

stupid aberysywythians  xx


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## trashit

Anna Kavanagh :haha:
She owns these little challet things that she rents out to people, she's a dirty hippy and she does pottery classes :thumbup: :haha:
I hope your mum does know her, I'D LOVE SOMEONE TO GIVE HER WHAT FOR!!!!!!
xx


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## trashit

oh now my nannas claiming "im cutting her off" on the phone cos i was changing Jude and couldnt get to it on time?! :shrug: x


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## AyaChan

:/ sometimes i think relatives are just here to make life harder haha.

have you explained to her you were changing Jude? she should understand you have a new baby and cant answer the phone constantly 

xx


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## nicholatmn

Oooh, I'd add everyone to facebook and when something like that happens, write "Dang, I had to decided to either let my son pee everywhere or answer the damn phone..."
:wacko:

:haha:


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## trashit

:haha: that made me giggle,
I dont get why she doesnt understand that i have Jude now and cant always answer the phone, she gets really paranoid and thinks i dont want her to contact me anymore, but literally everytime she rings im changing, bathing, feeding him or in the middle of eating, my own bath, making up bottles. Its actually silly! She should ring at a more convenient time ;) xx


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## aiimee12345

lol
my nan is exactly the same already!!
if she rings & i dont answer the house she rings my mobile... 
she rings about 3/4 times a day!!
and rings at night bout 10. hope she doesnt do this when babies here!!

x


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## trashit

i thought i was the only one with a mad nanna! :rofl:
she also rings 4 times a day, if i dont answer she does it one after the other after the other, i used to pull it out of the wall during pregnancy :rofl: x


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## aiimee12345

lol nope iv got one too lol!!
she drives me crazyyyyyyy!! & i was in the bath the other night so my mom answered to her... she went o i only rang to tell her (something stupid cant remember what it was lol) she jus rang today to tell me ther stopping the bill!! i was like nan i dont want to no i dont even watch it lol x


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## trashit

so FOB came to visit today;
so he turns up with this stupid bright orange fluffy mohican thing that looks like a bike helmet and his stupid polo neck cream jumper on and his breath stunk, so automatically i felt SICK. He just stared at Jude and was like "omg hes amazing" and shit. it was awkward for first hour, he went to make two brews and for about five pisses to break the awkwardness. We didnt talk about much, i told him how crap the birth went and we just stared at Jude and i fed and changed Jude and that was it. But then just before he had to leave (his dad was hovering around ready to give him a lift back) we started really talking and i told him i dont think its fair for him to not want Jude in the first place, not be there for last 2 months of pregnancy, not see him be born and miss first 3 weeks of his life and then think he can suddenly pop back on in. I dont think he's responsible or mature, he doesnt have his own head screwed on his shoulders so how the hell can he care for a child? I woudlnt trust him with Jude on his own and i feel quite revolted around him, he'll ruin my life by being a part of Jude's as well as probably ruin Jude's. The way he lives isnt sutible for a child to be around, he needs stability and not someone who doesnt know whether he has a job that week or not, is in debt and smokes pot. Im doing really good by myself, ive found myself now and i feel fab without anyone being around, id rather do it alone with just me and Jude than have him lurching around. He needs maturity and people with their heads screwed on. Im not doing it out of spite, if i hated him but knew he was good for him it'd be a different story. Being a dad is so much more than whose blood is in him, its about sharing the nappy changes, baths, feeds, making up the bottles, going to the doctors when hes ill, hugging him better etc. And i know he cant do that. He couldnt even look after his pet rat let alone a baby. Its all very well him coming and looking at the little angel child and saying how gorgeous he is but actually being there is a different story completely.

so in a nutshell. i dont want you to come back and see him again is what i said., 
he said he'll be happy just knowing "he's alive" once a year :| lol, twat. But he would have really wanted to see him even if it was just "once in a blue moon" i was like; he needs stability not some strange man who pops around every now and then and claims to be dad. If you were responsible enough then you could have him on weekends like my dad did me, but you're NOT. I told him to think about what i'd said with a clear head and then he should understand. 

Anyway he had to go after i'd said my bit.
His dad had bought Jude a baby grow that he already has lol and some socks, wit woo but still never came in to see him. Idiot. 

So have i done the best thing or will Jude always resent me? :( 
I'm only trying to do whats best for him,
Dan isnt best for him at all. He was saying he still owes credit card god knows how much, hes living in a bedroom of a house with his dickhead friend who takes more drugs than i can count with all my organs, and his job he isnt earning from cos he'll only earn if he sells stuff and he cant lie to people or something :s
please tell me ive done the right thing!!!!!!


----------



## trashit

:rofl: ive just noticed, Dans dad is such a tool. He's bought some baby bootees (which are first size and will go nowhere near Jude anyway!) But they say 50% mummy on one bootee and 50% daddy on the other, oh god he's such a clever clogs, i could swing for him.


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## aiimee12345

wel i think u have dun the right think!! ... what an idiot!! glad u put him in his place!!! ... 

& i love ur new pik of jude... such a cutie!!! ... 

& as if his dad didnt even come in!!
& he would be happy with seeing him once in a blue moon what the fuk!!! x


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## lily123

I think you've definitely done the right thing Ellie!
You hit the nail right on the head there, it takes more than just an ejaculation to make someone a father, they are either 100% involved, or 100% not involved, and he made that choice when he walked out on you when you were 7 months pregnant! What kind of a man does that?! You're doing a fantastic job of raising Jude on your own already and when he's all grown up, he'll know how brave and amazing his mummy was throughout this whole time :hugs:
xxxx


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## trashit

its not like he put up a fight and told me to fuck off if i thought he wasnt seeing Jude and he'd take me to court about it or something, i dont know, im glad he didnt cos its more hassle for me but if it was me i'd have put up a fight. He just said that, and wants to know hes alive cos apparently theres always one person out there willing to hurt you, HE'S SO POSITIVE. i could have swung for him when he said that, of course nothing will happen to Jude, how sick is he?!?! He said he still loves me so its harder for him than i can imagine. He openly admitted the reason he went away was because he was scared and that he didnt want Jude in the first place, he had no control of what went on is what he said. And i know, you'd have thought his dad would have wanted to see his grandson :| i'm glad he didnt anyway, that would have made things even more awkward. But i just hope i've done right by Jude and that he won't hate me forever for keeping him away. I have done it partly because i want to move on with my life and leave everything thats past in the past including him, and because me and Jude are doing better on our own, but i have also done it for Jude's best interests. I just hope he'll understand that :( 
x


----------



## trashit

aw thankyou :flower:
i do hope Jude sees it that way, i know i'd have wanted to know my dad, but maybe thats because i know how good my dad is. Jude really *isnt* missing out on anything. And you're so right about the 100% there thing, thats exactly what i said to him when he was leaving when i was 7 months pregnant. x


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## lily123

Awh mate you HAVE done right by Jude, without a doubt.
I feel so bad for you having to go through all this, you're dealing with it amazingly hun i would have probably curled up in a corner and cried lol but you know how much of a whimp i am  xxxxxx


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## aiimee12345

ellie your a great mom without him.. u dont need a twat like him!! 
my "real" dad cheated on my dad when i was in hospital cus i was premature... so my mom left... and im glad she did! she has been with my step dad since i was 3 and he is like a real dad to me!! iv never seen my "real" dad wel i obviously did when i was born but not like since i can remember! ... and im glad :D ... 

if ur coping on ur own u dont need someone like him!! & im sure Jude wil be proud to call you his mommy :) ... i would be hehe!! ... 

xxx


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## trashit

:flower: thankyou so much. I've tried my best hehe.
Oh and good thing to come out of it- i got my picture back! I dont know if anyone remembers but he took a picture i had that was my mum and dads when they were together and it meant alot to me, anyway he brought it back for me :happydance: xxx


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## aiimee12345

aww glad u got it back :) 

i cant even believe he was jus like id be happy to see him once in a blue moon!!! omg!! x


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## sleepinbeauty

You did the BEST thing you could have! Don't worry too much. I'd have done the same thing in your shoes.


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## nicholatmn

I think you did the best you could have for your son. What he said about seeing him every once in a blue moon should be enough to reassure you that it's for the best. :)


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## amandad192

Ok, I'm going to be completely honest with you, you may not like it, but I want you to know I don't mean to sound evil or rude.

My dad cheated on my mum a few times, once with her best mate, and we're currently waiting for the DNA results to come back for the little girl who is 13 years old. She was conceived when my mum was about 8 months pregnant. My nan (mum's side) has always been a controlling evil mind-controlling bitch. She convinced my mum basically to stop him from seeing us, Made up a load of shit about my dad trying it on with my aunt when she was 7 years old etc. We saw my dad in a contact center for a while, then he walked out and left us when he moved to wales to live with his new wife. This was about 9 years ago.
For years I would cry myself to sleep wanting to see my Dad, praying taht one day he would turn up on our doorstep.
about a year and a half ago I found my Dad. My older sister has nothing to do with him. Me and my younger sister were seeing him once every 3 weeks. Things got pretty rough for me at home, I was constantly arguing with my sister, I was terrified to even walk to the shops because I had a few gangs after me (I got into an argument with one girl over absolutely nothing then all her little bitchy mates decided they wanted me dead) I couldn't go out..but I couldn't stay home. I had met a guy that lived near my dad (I met him through my step-mum) and I decided the only way I could be happy would be to go and live with my dad, so I did. Growing up without my Dad was awful. I missed him everyday and often wondered if he was even still alive.

You are a wonderful mum to Jude, But doing it alone just isn't easy. He won't grow up hating you if you decide to cut his daddy out of his life, but he will have ALOT of questions to ask, which you WILL have to answer, and may ask to see his Dad when he's older.
I would suggest you wait a few weeks. Then message Dan on FB again. Tell him he can see Jude once a month on a certain day at a certain time. If he is more than 10 minutes late, he won't be allowed to see his son on that day. If he doesn't turn up, then he won't be allowed to see his son at all.
He could prove you wrong and be an AMAZING dad. Or he could be a useless father who misses the first appointment and never sees his baby again.
Just remember you told him "You know where I am." and he turned up on your doorstep. I really think he does care.

Please for Jude's sake him him a chance to bond and form a relationship. Make it clear it is ONE chance.

I hope I haven't offended you at all. After reading every single post on this thread I thought it was best I tell you my true opinion other than saying "He's a dick, f*** him."


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## trashit

I appreciate your opinion, thankyou, the thing i most fear is that he'll grow up to resent me. I just don't see how it would work having him around. He says he doesnt ever have money to get here to come see him anyway as he doesnt really have a job, so it would be a once in a blue moon thing, and like i said he's not responsible enough to have him alone, no way would i let that happen, i wouldnt even leave my dog with him! So everytime he comes sees him i'm gonna have to be there too, and things have gotton so bad between us, its just so darn awkward. He doesn't have a clue what to do with him, when i passed him to him to hold he looked like he was gonna drop him any minute, he sat there dithering, scared the holy shit out of me. I just dont see it working out, he'll destroy my life by being around, i cant stand the sight of him and i want to forget him so much, and he'll destroy Jude's life because he'll have an unhappy mummy and a shithead daddy who doesnt even know what time it is most days. I just, as a mother, want to protect him and i dont want him having to grow up seeing the bullshit his dad does, i grew up around drugs and pissheads and the only break i got was seeing my dad on a weekend, i dont want Jude to ever feel as lonely as i did as a child, i dont want him to be around that crap. Its not like he could grow up a bit and go spend weekends there because Dan lives with his friends who are basically coke heads, and one of them is just a *******. He threatened to "punch me in the stomach to see if i really was pregnant or making it up" and he's a sexist racist homophobic (god everything thats wrong in this world!) pig. I dont want my son within a million miles of him!


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## amandad192

trashit said:


> I appreciate your opinion, thankyou, the thing i most fear is that he'll grow up to resent me. I just don't see how it would work having him around. He says he doesnt ever have money to get here to come see him anyway as he doesnt really have a job, so it would be a once in a blue moon thing, and like i said he's not responsible enough to have him alone, no way would i let that happen, i wouldnt even leave my dog with him! So everytime he comes sees him i'm gonna have to be there too, and things have gotton so bad between us, its just so darn awkward. He doesn't have a clue what to do with him, when i passed him to him to hold he looked like he was gonna drop him any minute, he sat there dithering, scared the holy shit out of me. I just dont see it working out, he'll destroy my life by being around, i cant stand the sight of him and i want to forget him so much, and he'll destroy Jude's life because he'll have an unhappy mummy and a shithead daddy who doesnt even know what time it is most days. I just, as a mother, want to protect him and i dont want him having to grow up seeing the bullshit his dad does, i grew up around drugs and pissheads and the only break i got was seeing my dad on a weekend, i dont want Jude to ever feel as lonely as i did as a child, i dont want him to be around that crap. Its not like he could grow up a bit and go spend weekends there because Dan lives with his friends who are basically coke heads, and one of them is just a *******. He threatened to "punch me in the stomach to see if i really was pregnant or making it up" and he's a sexist racist homophobic (god everything thats wrong in this world!) pig. I dont want my son within a million miles of him!

Whatever you do, he won't resent you at all. He will appreciate you hard work of raising him the best you can. Especially when he gives you grandchildren and realizes how much effort it actually takes to raise a child.

If you want Jude to see his Dad maybe you can arrange it in a contact center? That way if Dan doesn't turn up it's on their records and he can never deny letting his child down.

Who threatened to punch you in the stomach? Dan's friend? OMG, I'd have said yeah go for it if I get to kick your flaming head in when your done!

If you decide you never want him to see Jude, just be prepared for a game of 21 questions when Jude is old enough to understand that all kids have Dads, and wants to know what happened to his? Whatever happens between now and that point, I'd advise you to tell the truth but without bad mouthing Dan, which is difficult, but if you do say anything bad, and Jude forms a relationship with his dad, it may come back and bite you up the backside.

Life really isn't easy when it comes to such decisions like this because you can't predict the future. 

I think your best option may be to have a brief conversation with him every now and then, sending him pictures and letting him know how Jude is. Then when Jude is old enough to not need to be catered for 24/7..nappies, bottles etc, then maybe let them bond in a controlled environment, depending on the situation at the time?


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## futuremommy91

aw Ellie- you really did do the right thing. maybe one day he'll grow up and want to be a part of his sons life, but for now I think what you said is best. he sounds liike a complete douche!
and... HAPPY 3 WEEKS JUDE!!!


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## faolan5109

trashit said:


> I appreciate your opinion, thankyou, the thing i most fear is that he'll grow up to resent me. I just don't see how it would work having him around. He says he doesnt ever have money to get here to come see him anyway as he doesnt really have a job, so it would be a once in a blue moon thing, and like i said he's not responsible enough to have him alone, no way would i let that happen, i wouldnt even leave my dog with him! So everytime he comes sees him i'm gonna have to be there too, and things have gotton so bad between us, its just so darn awkward. He doesn't have a clue what to do with him, when i passed him to him to hold he looked like he was gonna drop him any minute, he sat there dithering, scared the holy shit out of me. I just dont see it working out, he'll destroy my life by being around, i cant stand the sight of him and i want to forget him so much, and he'll destroy Jude's life because he'll have an unhappy mummy and a shithead daddy who doesnt even know what time it is most days. I just, as a mother, want to protect him and i dont want him having to grow up seeing the bullshit his dad does, i grew up around drugs and pissheads and the only break i got was seeing my dad on a weekend, i dont want Jude to ever feel as lonely as i did as a child, i dont want him to be around that crap. Its not like he could grow up a bit and go spend weekends there because Dan lives with his friends who are basically coke heads, and one of them is just a *******. He threatened to "punch me in the stomach to see if i really was pregnant or making it up" and he's a sexist racist homophobic (god everything thats wrong in this world!) pig. I dont want my son within a million miles of him!

Dude honestly your son will not resent you.:hugs: When he is old enough explain it to him why and then i am sure he will be happy about it. When he is old enough he can seek him out on his own if he so choices but honestly I think you are doing the right thing by keeping him away. Esecially if he is hanging with those, honestly can't think of a word to describe them because i can't find a word harsh enough.:hugs:


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## trashit

just wanna say a big thankyou to everyone :hugs: not really sure what to do right now. I wish i could have chosen a better FOB lol.


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## faolan5109

Eh true, but then Jude wouldn't look as adorable as he does!


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## amandad192

faolan5109 said:


> Eh true, but then Jude wouldn't look as adorable as he does!

I agree there, He may have been just as adorable, but he wouldn't be the same, and I'm sure you wouldn't change him for anything!


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## Alexandra91

Just read the whole thing ffrom the start :D wanted to say i think ur doing a great job, jude is adorable and i think u have handled the situation amazingly and i hope when the time comes i will be able to take some tips bcuz i was all set for just not letting FOB kno, uve done the best thing for Jude and he will appreciate it im very sure. There are only so many chances u can give and him sayin im happy to see him once in a blue moon or whatever he said wud be anough for me to say thanks but no thanks! The most i would do is make sure he always has ur current contact number address etc. then he has no excuse! :)
well done babes Jude is such a darlin!! (and i love the name i havnt been on here in a while) xx


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## amandad192

Alexandra91 said:


> Just read the whole thing ffrom the start :D wanted to say i think ur doing a great job, jude is adorable and i think u have handled the situation amazingly and i hope when the time comes i will be able to take some tips bcuz i was all set for just not letting FOB kno, uve done the best thing for Jude and he will appreciate it im very sure. There are only so many chances u can give and him* sayin im happy to see him once in a blue moon or whatever he said wud be anough for me to say thanks but no thanks!* The most i would do is make sure he always has ur current contact number address etc. then he has no excuse! :)
> well done babes Jude is such a darlin!! (and i love the name i havnt been on here in a while) xx

I'm just wondering if he said this to try and start slowly. Or maybe just because he wants to try and play it by your rules. ???


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## trashit

:shrug: i think he may have done it because his parents have said that would be best if he did, he didnt even hold Jude when he came around apart from once when i passed him to him and he nearly dropped him :dohh:
Anyway i've resolved the situation in the way i feel is best and if it blows up in my face in the future then so be it but im happy with the decisions i made.
And no i wouldnt wanna change Jude, but he looks like me as a baby anyway so its all good :lol: x


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## amandad192

trashit said:


> :shrug: i think he may have done it because his parents have said that would be best if he did, (1)*he didnt even hold Jude when he came around apart from once* when i passed him to him and he nearly dropped him :dohh:
> Anyway i've resolved the situation in the way i feel is best and (2)*if it blows up in my face in the future then so be it* but im happy with the decisions i made.
> And no i wouldnt wanna change Jude, but (3)*he looks like me as a baby* anyway so its all good :lol: x

(1) Maybe he was scared? I know I was a bit scared holding Liam at first, it's just..something new..but then my Mum's always been a control freak when it came to us holding babies.."sit back do this do that etc)
(2) The only reason it will blow up in your face would be, like I said, if you bad mouth FOB to Jude, when he's old enough just explain, If he chooses to see his dad it's fine, But at the time you thought it were best to avoid contact for his own sake and wait until he can decide for himself what he wanted. He will understand and he won't hate you in the long term, but it may be stressful for a few days while he comes to terms with WHY you wouldn't let him see his Dad. 
(3) I'm glad he looks like you, at least your not looking at him being reminded of FOB all the time.


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