# For anyone that has a child with Autsim and then went on to have more children



## Bentleymom

Long, long, long, story short lol. My first and only child, Bentley, started showing typical signs of autsim when he was 12-18 months old. He was diagnosed when he was 3 1/2 - I wanted to wait, and now he's currently 4, will be 5 in early April. His father and I have always wanted another child, but wanted to wait. So, here I sit 7-8 weeks pregnant with our secound and I'm feeling a mix of emotions. I love my son; he's what I live for, but his father and I are terrified of having another child with autsim. My son is low- functioning; barely any speech, not potty trained, but will go if taken, eating restrictions, screaming, ect the whole bit. We know it's a possibility and have accepted that long before we got pregnant again. But we have no idea how much more difficult life will be with another child, let alone, another one with autsim. I feel so bad and guilty so even saying this, but I really want the experience of also being able to raise a typically developing child. Any advice, stoires, words of encouragement are encouraged and very much appreciated. But, please if you feel the need to " bash" me for my honest feeling, do not reply. I have no one to talk to besides his father and we are the ONLY ones in either side of both families with a special needs child, and no one understands, they think we are crazy for having another and no one takes a real interest in my son. It breaks my heart. My son, regardless of his disability is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just need to hear from other ppl with similar experiences! :hugs:


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## alibaba24

My daughter is not diagnosed but has had some asd traits in the past. Her sister is developing "typically" her baby sister looks up to her so much and they fight and play like typical siblings. Yes I see differences in the two but I'm so glad they have each other


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## wantabean2

Bentleymom said:


> Long, long, long, story short lol. My first and only child, Bentley, started showing typical signs of autsim when he was 12-18 months old. He was diagnosed when he was 3 1/2 - I wanted to wait, and now he's currently 4, will be 5 in early April. His father and I have always wanted uh another child, but wanted to wait. So, here I sit 7-8 weeks pregnant with our secound and I'm feeling a mix of emotions. I love my son; he's what I live for, but his father and I are terrified of having another child with autsim. My son is low- functioning; barely any speech, not potty trained, but will go if taken, eating restrictions, screaming, ect the whole bit. We know it's a possibility and have accepted that long before we got pregnant again. But we have no idea how much more difficult life will be with another child, let alone, another one with autsim. I feel so bad and guilty so even saying this, but I really want the experience of also being able to raise a typically developing child. Any advice, stoires, words of encouragement are encouraged and very much appreciated. But, please if you feel the need to " bash" me for my honest feeling, do not reply. I have no one to talk to besides his father and we are the ONLY ones in either side of both families with a special needs child, and no one understands, they think we are crazy for having another and no one takes a real interest in my son. It breaks my heart. My son, regardless of his disability is the best thing that's ever happened to me. I just need to hear from other ppl with similar experiences! :hugs:

We are currently awaiting an official diagnosis fir ds2 but it's looking like that he has Asd. We have 4 children in total. Ds1 5. Ds2 is 4 and ds2 and DD are twins and they just turned 1. All had a rough start to life but ds2 seems to be the only one that has additional needs. You sound like you love your son very very much and you would love this baby just as much. It would be hard but it's absolutely lovely having those built in friendships. Ds2 has no friends but has a fantastic relationship with his siblings. It's wonderful to watch. Ds1 does lose his temper at times but I think that's just normal for siblings. The only thing I struggle with is watching the twins develop "normally" and knowing they are gonna pass their big brother soon. But every one of my kids are completely different to each other and they all have this amazing bond. Good luck with whatever you decide and here if you need to chat or rant or whatever &#128512; xxxx


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## smurff

We are waiting to find out if our DD has autism, suspected for a long time but only confimed this week it could be. She is very intelligent and her speech is coming on brilliantly but she doesn't know how to interact and often goes into a world of her own. She loves being around kids but will play along side them not with them. I have a son 2 yrs younger, he is 19mths, they are just like normal siblings they argue and annoy each other but my God they are also best friends and love each other to bits. I was scared how my daughter woukd react when i had my son but When I brought my son home from hospital and my daughter met him for the first time she smiled and stroked his face and every time he cried she would stand in front of his Moses basket and if it wasn't me or her dad going over to him she wouldn't let anyone near him. They are very protective of each other and her brother is the only one she plays with, I walked in front room the other day and found them watching cartoons holding hands. Having my son has helped my DD alot, yes its upsetting when my son reaches a new milestone and my DD still hasn't got there but I wouldn't change a thing cause even if my DD has autism its what makes her her and I wouldn't change a single thing about her. Like yourself my children are mine and my husbands life, they are the reason I love getting up in the mornings, :happydance:


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## Thurinius

I have a five year old autistic son and a 2 year old who isn't.
My younger son has been a real benefit to my eldest, they were both learning to talk at the same time so picked up words off each other.
And though my sons interaction with his peers at school is limited he plays with his brother.
I do get upset when my younger son passes a milestone. For instance he talks in full sentences and you can have a full conversation with him which you can't do with my elder.
But then I now appreciate the quietness of my autistic son and that he didn't go through the 'why?' Stage. And that we can quietly build Lego patterns together.

Admittedly we didn't know that elder son was autistic when we had the younger one. But I think we still would have done it.
A sibling has been the best thing we could have done for hi,


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## hanni

I don't have a child with Autism but my eldest brother has autism and my mum went on to have another 3 children who aren't autistic. 
We definitly had an interesting childhood!


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## Bentleymom

Thank you for all the replies! I really appreciate it. You all have made me feel more reassured of our decision to have another. In my sons "struggling " moments, which are generally out in public and he is throwing himself on the ground and screaming, I think to myself "omg, what did I do! What was I thinking having another!" But, I assume all parents think this at some point or another when adding more kids to the family. I know it will be an adjustment, and I'm preparing myself for that. I'm thankful my son will be in school fulltime when the baby is born, and that there is a large age gap. My son has an older sister, his fathers daughter, my step daughter, and they love each other so much and he is obssesed with her lol So, I'm hoping he will feel the same way with this baby. I plan on having him invloved with the baby as much as possible; lots of skin to skin, feelings, ect. So, hopefully that helps as well.


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## alibaba24

Bentleymom said:


> Thank you for all the replies! I really appreciate it. You all have made me feel more reassured of our decision to have another. In my sons "struggling " moments, which are generally out in public and he is throwing himself on the ground and screaming, I think to myself "omg, what did I do! What was I thinking having another!" But, I assume all parents think this at some point or another when adding more kids to the family. I know it will be an adjustment, and I'm preparing myself for that. I'm thankful my son will be in school fulltime when the baby is born, and that there is a large age gap. My son has an older sister, his fathers daughter, my step daughter, and they love each other so much and he is obssesed with her lol So, I'm hoping he will feel the same way with this baby. I plan on having him invloved with the baby as much as possible; lots of skin to skin, feelings, ect. So, hopefully that helps as well.

If it makes you feel any better my "typical" 2 year old does this all the time!


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## Thurinius

Bentleymom said:


> Thank you for all the replies! I really appreciate it. You all have made me feel more reassured of our decision to have another. In my sons "struggling " moments, which are generally out in public and he is throwing himself on the ground and screaming, I think to myself "omg, what did I do! What was I thinking having another!" But, I assume all parents think this at some point or another when adding more kids to the family. I know it will be an adjustment, and I'm preparing myself for that. I'm thankful my son will be in school fulltime when the baby is born, and that there is a large age gap. My son has an older sister, his fathers daughter, my step daughter, and they love each other so much and he is obssesed with her lol So, I'm hoping he will feel the same way with this baby. I plan on having him invloved with the baby as much as possible; lots of skin to skin, feelings, ect. So, hopefully that helps as well.

In many ways my autistic son is far easier to manage than my non autistic 2 year old.
I didn't fully appreciate the difference between a melt down and a tantrum until boy2 hit 2. My word the defiance and pushing of boundaries! 
Whereas my austic son is quite placid in comparison (so long as his little foibles are adhered to)


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## AP

Thurinius said:


> Bentleymom said:
> 
> 
> Thank you for all the replies! I really appreciate it. You all have made me feel more reassured of our decision to have another. In my sons "struggling " moments, which are generally out in public and he is throwing himself on the ground and screaming, I think to myself "omg, what did I do! What was I thinking having another!" But, I assume all parents think this at some point or another when adding more kids to the family. I know it will be an adjustment, and I'm preparing myself for that. I'm thankful my son will be in school fulltime when the baby is born, and that there is a large age gap. My son has an older sister, his fathers daughter, my step daughter, and they love each other so much and he is obssesed with her lol So, I'm hoping he will feel the same way with this baby. I plan on having him invloved with the baby as much as possible; lots of skin to skin, feelings, ect. So, hopefully that helps as well.
> 
> In many ways my autistic son is far easier to manage than my non autistic 2 year old.
> I didn't fully appreciate the difference between a melt down and a tantrum until boy2 hit 2. My word the defiance and pushing of boundaries!
> Whereas my austic son is quite placid in comparison (so long as his little foibles are adhered to)Click to expand...

I feel the same!!!

Alex is 6 and Tori is 4. Alex has ASD. When I fell pregnant with Tori I thought I had made such a mistake (Alex wasn't diagnosed but she already had clear issues and she had a large brain bleed at birth)

Honestly? It's worked out perfectly. It has to and it does. Having a younger sister has helped Alex immensely, helped her to talk for sure! They biggest difficulty having two is sleep for us - Alex sleeps a full night perhaps once/twice a year. Having a baby complicates that but we split up night duties and it became the norm quite quickly. 

Bentlymom I think you are prepared and have a good situation going on right now.


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## SoBlessedMama

First of all, you sound like a wonderful mom. I'm so sorry your family doesn't take a greater interest in your little guy.

I don't have personal experience with ASD, but one of my very close friends has two autistic children. The oldest is a girl, and she is relatively low functioning, but has made huge gains recently. The youngest is a little boy, and he is very high functioning, and is one of the most brilliant kids I've ever met. 

I'm 1000% sure there are days when my friend struggles with two babies on the spectrum. But the bottom line is that they are healthy, beautiful, sweet kids--and she is an amazing mom. Kind of like AtomicPink said--it has to work out, and it does.

I think it is understandable for you to say that you'd also like to have the experience of raising a "typical" child. That doesn't take anything away from the love you have for your son. I hope you have a wonderful experience either way--it is obvious that this baby is very much loved and will be wonderfully cared for, just like your son. : )


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## lusterleaf

My son is 3.5 years old and low functioning. He is non verbal, doesn't follow directions, very much self directed, not potty trained and does not show an interest in it either. He was diagnosed when he was 19 months old. Despite his diagnosis, my husband and I knew that we still wanted another child. I gave birth to my daughter about a month and a half before he turned 3. I was also worried what it would be like, in fact I think I may have posted something about it on here in the past. I am not going to lie, it is hard and I often rely on help from either my parents or my husband when he is not working. (for example- I can never go out to a store with my son because he will climb out of the cart even when strapped in and run all over the place). I think what helped is that my son goes to a special needs pre-school and so I was able to focus on just my daughter while he was in school for the day. I don't know what their relationship will be like in the future, we will see. Right now my son doesn't really pay too much attention to her, except for when she is playing with a toy and then he wants it. Everything will work out. I couldn't imagine my daughter not ever being here now that we have her.


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