# Funny Things Your Child Has Said!



## Lianne1986

*
A conversation with my oldest boy Tyler when he was about 4 years old:

Tyler - "Mum, why do you have to pay for babies?"
Me - "Woah?! you don't, why do you think that?"
Tyler - "Because when a baby arrives you say they are 7 pound something"

Laughing I had to explain that's the weight not how much they cost :rofl:


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## Beccaboop

Are thats really cute and funny!! 
My lo is only 6 months so the funniest thing hes said is 'ummmmbraaaa' :)


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## Lianne1986

Beccaboop said:


> Are thats really cute and funny!!
> My lo is only 6 months so the funniest thing hes said is 'ummmmbraaaa' :)

I am sure there will deffo be some funny things said!! :thumbup:


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## Button#

That's so cute!


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## Baby Bell

A few years ago me and a couple of friends went on a picnic with my friends 4 yr old daughter.
After the picnic we were walking along the park, friends daughter asks for the tesco bag I was carrying with the left overs init. I gave it to her, she puts in on her shoulder like a hand bag and struts in front of the three grown ups carry our own handbags. She turns around and says very matteroffactly " I know I'm just the cutest" :haha:
We couldn't stop laughing about it all the way home


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## Lianne1986

:rofl:


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## DCS

oh jeez i practically roll around laughing at my lo every day.

here is a few of the top of my head:

(while trying to teach him mine and ohs full names)

me: what is daddys full name?
LO: dr ranj!
me: ( while choking on my drink) dr ranj isnt your daddy. whats daddys real name?
Lo? dr ranj! 
me: is dr ranj your daddy?
lo: urrrrrrm..... yes
Me: no he isnt. dont tell people that 
LO: shouts out ohs first name, then los middle name and their surname.

lo: you eating apple
me: thats a peach buddy
lo: no apple
me: its a peach
apple, peach, apple peach continues for a few minutes before i just say " fine, sure you can pretend its an apple.
next day he is eating a peach again
lo: you eating apple
me: sure thing bud
lo: nooooo mummy, you eating peach!

just of the top of my head.


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## Laucu

Emma was in the bath last night , playing and putting all the bottles of shower gel etc in the bath. 

"Mummy, I can't get your champagne in the bath. It's too heavy."

And when we were in the shop walking past beer... "Mummy, we need daddy juice!!!"

We're not a family of alcoholics, I promise!


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## Aphrodite

The other night Jack was brushing his teeth and my oh said to him, have you brushed your bottom teeth Jack?Jack replies, no just my mouth teeth, Daddy.
My mum didn't stop laughing for ages!


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## kmbabycrazy

My son made me laugh so much the other day. You'll only get it if you've seen how I met your mother. He was telling me a story about being at the sea life centre with his dad and said "there was a big glass tunnel and in the water there was...wait for it...sharks". I swear he's never even caught a glimpse of the programme before, I hope it's not an indication of his future lol.

Oh and a couple of years ago he was having a bath at my mum's and he was pulling on his willy saying it hurt and my mum said "stop pulling it then" to which he replied "take it off please". My mum had to explain it doesn't work like that.


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## Lianne1986

these are all hilarious haha

my little girl stayed with my grandma for the weekend, when she got back we was chatting about her time away! she told me she had a bath and afterwards grandma put flour all over her.... it was TALC hahaha


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## xprincessx

:rofl: some of these are so funny! I wish my LO talked so i could have some funny moments :haha:


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## ImSoTired

omg these are hilarious. I'm caught between dreading LO talking due to embarrassment and not being able to wait for moments like these.


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## LegoHouse

Whilst playing Monopoly Jr with my 5 year old, she collects a "get out of jail free card." Que, "Mummy, I can't wait to go to jail! What is real jail like? Can we go visit one?" LOL


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## kmbabycrazy

Oh and not my child but my mum told me that when my little brother was about 3 they were in the bank and he saw a dwarf. 

Brother: Why is that man so small?
Mum: He's a dwarf.
Brother: (very loudly) Dwarfs aren't real!!!


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## Natnee

This is one of Belle's that springs to mind.

The other weekend we had a huge storm during the night. The next morning we were talking about it and Belle announced that the thunder had come into her room and she had given it a big cuddle. I asked how it got in to her room and apparantly it had come in the window then gone out the window again, 'walking sideways like a crab'

Oh there have been so many, I WISH I wrote them all down as I can't remember them.


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## Reedy

my 3 year old went to the toilet, screwed up his nose and said 'it smells in here........like a petshop'

he's so funny and constantly comes out with funny things x


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## Thurinius

My mum to my nephew: What do you want to do as a job when you grow up?
Nephew: I'm not going to work
Mum: What will you do for money?
Nephew: I'm going to have a card like yours

He meant her debit card!


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## Beyond

I'm pregnant now and my 4 year old daughter is spending the summer with her father. She calls me.

DD: MOMMY!!
ME: HEY BABY! How are you?
DD: Fine , where is my baby brother or sister?
ME: In my belly , I didn't have him or her yet
DD: The baby isn't here yet?
ME: Not not yet sweetie , March 17th.
DD: Oh then you gotta go to the hospital and you gonna push it out?


Lol I was NOT expecting that question. At all.


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## Lianne1986

hahahaa


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## Noodlebear

That is incredible! I literally can't wait to be able to share stories like this :haha:


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## PandaMao

These are too funny. I'm a long way off, but I can't wait till I start hearing these sorts of things myself.


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## MizzLu

My LO has just got to the copying certain things stage, not too much of a problem until my DH did something and then said 'oh s**t' and of course Cooper decided to copy it! Bad daddy!


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## Foogirl

Abby is often very unintentionally funny, she's had some cracking one liners.

A few that spring to mind;

About 18 months old at the doctors we gave her one of those tongue sticks to play with. She leans up and puts it into my chest saying "stick in mummy's cleavage" You really don't want for "cleavage" to be one of the first words your child learns!

At about 2 we were sitting watching a programme with monkeys. There were some baby ones and I asked my husband "what are baby monkey's called" and she pipes up "I think they are called Steve"

At a restaurant aged about 3 she was pulling at my top and I asked her not to saying "nobody wants to see my boobies" she responds with "daddy does" It wouldn't have had the same impact if the waitress hadn't have been at the table and heard the whole thing.

She makes us laugh at least once a day - but always quietly as she hates being laughed at!


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## Foogirl

Aphrodite said:


> The other night Jack was brushing his teeth and my oh said to him, have you brushed your bottom teeth Jack?Jack replies, no just my mouth teeth, Daddy.
> My mum didn't stop laughing for ages!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Still giggling at this one.


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## Lianne1986

Foogirl - I am crying with laughter hahaha


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## MelliPaige

Mines not born yet.. But my friend had her baby boy and her then 4 year old sister out and we were looking at girl clothes, my friend says "I wish my husband would let me dress him in girl clothes, they are just so cute!" And her sister says "well if you wanted to dress him like a girl, you should have named him a girl name." 
We just about died haha


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## Lianne1986

MelliPaige said:


> Mines not born yet.. But my friend had her baby boy and her then 4 year old sister out and we were looking at girl clothes, my friend says "I wish my husband would let me dress him in girl clothes, they are just so cute!" And her sister says "well if you wanted to dress him like a girl, you should have named him a girl name."
> We just about died haha

:rofl:


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## kmbabycrazy

Toby's friend is coming round to play and have dinner tomorrow and I was wondering about what to make for them so I asked Toby, "do you think Nathan likes hot dogs?" And he looked at me like I was stupid and said very matter-of-factly, "Mum, everybody likes hotdogs!"

Just about peed my pants.


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## Kate&Lucas

Oh God these are amazing. Dying at 'mouth teeth' :rofl:

Last night when I was trying to get Lucas to bed I was getting his things ready while saying the words to The Gruffalo's Child (if you've not read it):
"The Gruffalo said that no gruffalo should,
Ever set foot in the deep dark wood,
'Why not, why not?',
Because if you do,
The big bad mouse will be after you..."

For the next 20 minutes Lucas kept holding his foot up and shouting "foot! Look, I said foot, the mouse is going to get me!". It took me until we were actually in bed reading it to realise what he was talking about, I was crying laughing!
I had to explain to him that the words were "SET foot", not "said foot" :haha:


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## HappyAnjeL

Last night Abby picked up OHs cell phone put it to her ear...


LO- O (Hello for some reason is just O) yeah, Lola, Kiki, (gibberish goes here)
OH- Who are you talking to?
ME- Is it your boyfriend?
LO- YEAH mommy (kisses phone)!
OH- Abigail NO boys!
LO- BYE (and throws phone down and gives the look she does when she knows she did something wrong)


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## kmbabycrazy

Haha. Lily keeps picking up the phone to say hello.

The funny thing she's doing at the moment is everytime I say "mummy" she says hi. 

Examples. 

Me: Lily say mummy.
Lily: Hiiiii

Me: Give that to mummy. 
Lily: hiiiiiii

Me: Where's mummy?
Lily: Hiiiiiii

OH: Say daddy. 
Lily: duda (how she's saying daddy now)
Oh: Say mummy
Lily: Hiiiii

I don't know why. My friend told me something funny her little girl is doing at the moment (she's 4 months older than Lily)

Friend: Hi Autumn
Autumn: Hi Daddy
Friend: I'm not daddy
Autumn: Hi gorgeous. 

My friend is like that's more like it haha


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## AC1987

:haha: I can't wait til my LO says funny things!


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## lindsmom12

My LO keeps running around the house pretending to sneeze but his "AHH CHOO" sounds more like "ohhh sh*t" so now we have a cussing LO already haha


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## Girly922

It's going to be a little while before I can post any of my own on here. But this one was from my niece to my sister. I had invited them to my baby shower and my sister was trying to explain what relation the baby will be to my niece, and what relation I am to my sister. For reference, my sister is 15 years older than me. 

Sister - the baby will be your cousin, auntie Georgie is my sister
Niece - but she can't be your sister
Sister - why not?
Niece - because she's like a teenager and you're old. 
Sister - thanks!! 

I'm 23, nice to know she thinks I'm so young still!! Lol.


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## Dragonfly

William seen this on my pillow. This means I cant take my pillow up a mountain. Makes perfect sense.
 



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## Noodlebear

Dragonfly I almost spat my drink everywhere laughing :haha: that's brilliant!


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## Lianne1986

Jaiden likes to count! walking in a car park he starts counting cars! 

one car - but it sounds like hes saying w*nker lol


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## 2ndHeartbeat

Jason's got some horrible gas today. 

Robert (to Jason, after he farted)- "You f*ckin' stink."
Me - "Jason did you poop?"
Jason - "No I fugin stink" 

so much lols. Don't judge me. He knooows not to say that word, he just did because dad did


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## Foogirl

Reading "sniffles for bear" this morning with Abby. Bear is so poorly he starts to make a Will. Abby wants to know what it is and the following conversation follows;

Me: A will is a list of things that you own, and you say who you want to give it all to when you go to live with the Angels.
Abby: Have you made a list?
Me: Yes, Daddy and I made a list after you were born and we've said that everything we have, everything in the house, will be yours.
Abby: (looks amazed then looks concerned) But what about all the sharp things, because I'm not allowed to touch those.
Me: Ahh well, if you are too little to have the sharp things...and the money...then we've said that another grown up will look after it until you are old enough.
Abby: So I can't just buy things? I'd want to buy a new dress (looks pensive) Who will the grown up be?
Me: Auntie Carol
Abby: Oh well that's ok, Auntie Carol would buy me anything I wanted.

I'm sure I saw a look in her eye that was wondering if we could bugger off and leave her and Auntie Carol to spend all our money!


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## kmbabycrazy

Haha bless her x


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## kimberleyrobx

Emily's favourites right now are 'shut it!' and 'stop it!' and 'no mummy! Go away!'


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## Gemmamuk

Tonight I was in the bath with my son and I was asking him what his body parts were called.

I pointed to his nose, he got it correct.
I pointed to his ears, mouth, hand, foot, bum....all correct.
I pointed to his winky and asked 'what's that called Alex?'
He stood up and proudly pointed and yelled 'Dave!'.

No idea where he's heard that name before or why he has named his willy Dave!!!! Lmao!!! &#128514;


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## Beyond

*Me talking to my daughter*

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?

Her : A doctor.

Me: Oh that's good baby! What kind of doctor?

Her: A doctor , i'm gonna take you to the hospital and take the baby out and it's gonna hurt really bad ok?

Me: Why do you have to hurt mommy?

Her: Because i'm a doctor , it has to hurt ok. Then i'm gonna shoot you.

Me: You're gonna do what? O_O

Her: I'm gonna shoot you in the arm with a needle.


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## kmbabycrazy

Walking home from school and toby told me a funny knock knock joke. I laughed and asked hin where hebheard it and he said my brother told him it. I said "it's funny"

Toby: that's what jokes are for mummy.


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## RainbowDrop_x

I picked dd up from preschool on Wednesday and when we got home this is what she said 

DD "mummy I missed daddy today"
Me "aww that's very sweet darling"
DD "yeah I went to kick him and I missed. Silly me" 

:dohh:


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## MissRhead

These are all hilarious! Love them! 

I just heard from upstairs my mum making LO jump he screamed and my mum said sorry, he replied.. if you make me jump again ill probably cut you up and eat you. 

I asked him to feed the fish the other day, he started putting in some food then went into a mad panic because they where banging their 'noses' on the glass..

He has imaginary friends and often has conversations to himself when he's alone, I hear him saying things like 'yes I am the best, I know that' 'don't be silly, just do what I tell you and nobody will get hurt' 'shit... Don't say that! That is such a nasty word..shit, stop it'


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## Marie000

MissRhead said:


> He has imaginary friends and often has conversations to himself when he's alone, I hear him saying things like 'yes I am the best, I know that' *'don't be silly, just do what I tell you and nobody will get hurt'* 'shit... Don't say that! That is such a nasty word..shit, stop it'

Ok, now I think I'm scared... 
:argh:


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## Dragonfly

me: what did you learn at school today?
William: Nothing
me: why?
William: because I wasnt listening. 

William. A grave yard, you go there when you eat something bad. And your gravestone helps you turn in to a vampire. 

William : 

12345
once I caught a fish alive. 
5789 10
now he can f*ck off again

Me : do you love me Alex?
Alex: no. I love your boobs. 
me. Gee thanks.


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## Lianne1986

we had a conversation with tyler at the dinner table tonight.

he was telling us that some muslims came into his school today. 
he said he couldn't understand how they were muslims because they were from Wolverhampton.

we then explained anyone can choose to be a muslim so he replied with - 

so do they put their hands together (he puts his together and closes his eyes) and says do they say - please god let me grow a beard so I can be a muslim.

I was pmsl! kids are so innocent.


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## Haydensmom92

Me: Hayden you have stinky breath, go brush your teeth!
Hayden:leans in to give me a kiss!
Me: **wipes it off and says stinky!!**
Hayden: DONT WIPE MY KISSES OFF!

ahaha so funny.

love all of these posts!


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## KayBea

We made cakes & decorated them Saturday..

I passed LO a tub of 100's & 1000's..

LO: Mummy, What are these?
Me: 100's & 1000's..
LO: What do i do with 100's of trousers...

i actually had a stomach ache from laughing so much!!!

and her fav phrase at the moment is 'i'll be back in 5 minutes, you wait right here' or 'im coming back for you, dont cry' as she walks out the living room to get a toy :dohh: xx


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## Dragonfly

William what do you want to be when you grow up?
W: A farmer
Alex what do you want to be when you grow up?
A: A spider


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## Lianne1986

I said to Jaiden the other night 

"night Jaiden"

he replied with 

"night shitface"

I was mortified. I dunno where hes got it from...


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## Foogirl

KayBea said:


> We made cakes & decorated them Saturday..
> 
> I passed LO a tub of 100's & 1000's..
> 
> LO: Mummy, What are these?
> Me: 100's & 1000's..
> LO: What do i do with 100's of trousers...
> 
> i actually had a stomach ache from laughing so much!!!
> 
> and her fav phrase at the moment is 'i'll be back in 5 minutes, you wait right here' or 'im coming back for you, dont cry' as she walks out the living room to get a toy :dohh: xx

:haha::haha::haha:


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## Foogirl

I was just looking through all my old videos and found this one. It's about a year ago and Abby was three. I was trying so hard to not laugh hysterically (as you'll see by the shaky camera)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7vJ7ryUqtc0


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## MelliPaige

Not my kid.. But at work today a little boy and girl (probably 5) walk in in front of their mothers and the boy runs off:

Little girl: see him? He's my boyfriend!

Me: he's cute! 

Little girl: back off lady, your old and he's likes me!



I cracked up, but she got scolded by her mommy. Talk about a little teenager in training!


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## Seity

Gabriel to the kitten:
"Luther, I said I'm not food, stop chewing on me!"


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## Gemmamuk

Alex has started copying everyone and everything they say.
We were staying with my nan and her cat just crys allllll the time for no particular reason. 
Alex was eating his breakfast and the cat comes in the room and cried. Alex turned round and said 'shut up storm!'.
Cat cried again, Alex pushed his chair out, walked over to the cat and said 'I said shut up! Shut up Shut up Shut up !!! Thank you!'
Before going and sitting down to finish his breakfast! Lol

My friends 5 year old daughter this morning decided she didn't want to wear her school uniform, and wanted to pick out some new clothes. My friend told her to put her uniform on as school was not a fashion show.
She piped up with 'but mummy - every day is an opportunity for fashion!!!'
Wtf! No idea where she got it from lmao!!!


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## wishuwerehere

Today I was driving my daughter to nursery and I saw some astoundingly bad driving on the part of a bin lorry...I may have sworn a little bit :blush: 
Anyway, my LO's response was "Don't worry mummy, if there are anymore arseholes I will shake my bracelets at them!" (I assume to scare them off? :haha: ) I obviously cracked up....


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## Noodlebear

Foogirl that little accent is so adorable :haha: what a cheeky young lady you have there! Love it x


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## Foogirl

Noodlebear said:


> Foogirl that little accent is so adorable :haha: what a cheeky young lady you have there! Love it x

Thanks. I have to say we are glad that a year later she's lost the rough edges of her Glasweigan twang! :haha:


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## Reedy

last week my 4yr old started saying 'beavers' in a really soft voice with his eyes closed (funny on its own) i asked him where he had that from and he replied in the same soft voice 'the ocean' 
that boy is very strange hahaha


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## kokoalex

lol :haha:


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## Dragonfly

Mines more creepy this time. 

" The ghost boy lives in the Forrest (at our house). He dosnt come down from there as he likes the dark., He wont go to the light as it burns his eyes and he dosnt want to go in to the light. " 

Then went on to explain something he shouldn't and couldn't have known again.


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## FleurDeMai

Not my own child, but I am 14 years older than my sister so I clearly remember some things from her early childhood.
When she was around 3, she had this habit of talking nonsense while playing by herself. She just put random words together without thinking. I was babysitting her at my place (moved out at 16) and I heard her say "to make babies, you bury a dynamite stick in a hole."
My brother turned to me and said, what a poetic way to describe the act and I was so glad we were alone at my apartment and not out in public because I would've been mortified!

Another time when she was a bit younger, we were shopping and she started describing everything she saw using loads of cuss words. I think my mother asked her husband to watch his language after that particular day lol


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## Kate&Lucas

I've started teaching Lucas about seasons so we were a bit excited to see lots of frost on the way to nursery this morning. After we did the whole touching it, seeing what colour it was, standing on it etc, I was showing him how it had settled on the rooftops, and I totally thought it was going well until he said..
"When I was a shelf, I would sit up on the roof getting all the frost"

I have literally no idea :shrug:


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## MelliPaige

Babysitting my niece..husband walks in and says "good morning ladies"
She says "I not a lady!" 
It was super cute


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## wannabemomy37

Babysitting a 4.5 year old and she decides her ride-on-horse needs "mommy milk" and proceeds to pull up her shirt and let horse feed from her... (caught me off guard but really that's fine, ok.)

Then she turns to me and says "he's still hungry...I need you to feed him now. Just pull up your shirt, I won't look" and she hides behind the chair.

Umm...No, Ava...Not happening....:dohh:


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## Loui1001

On my first day of maternity leave I was explaining to LO that I didn't have to go to work anymore. He looked a bit thoughtful then replied
"You won't have anymore money then" very matter of factly


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## bumpsmum

In stitches here lol

My oldest Matthew produces some whoppers on a regular basis, for example:

While getting dried after a shower Matthew asks 'mummy where's your Toby.' Toby being the name for his man (don't know where that name came from'

I replied that I didn't have a Toby I had a 'flower'

'So you have a flower Toby? He asks
No I'm a girl, girls don't have Toby's
'Oh......is your Toby hiding in your other hair PMSL lol

One tea time we were sitting at the table when he chirps in out of nowhere

'my next daddy will have hair..........hubby is bald :dohh: to which daddy asks 'is there something you wanna tell me'


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## Kate&Lucas

I woke up thinking of something Lucas said a while back for some reason. I was proper :wacko: at the time.

It was the start of summer this year and we bounced out of the house all cheery in the sunshine..
Me: Isn't it great the sun is back! I love summer so much.
Lucas: The darkness will come again Mummy...

My son is emo :lol:


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## AandD

Oh that's funny!! :haha:



Kate&Lucas said:


> I woke up thinking of something Lucas said a while back for some reason. I was proper :wacko: at the time.
> 
> It was the start of summer this year and we bounced out of the house all cheery in the sunshine..
> Me: Isn't it great the sun is back! I love summer so much.
> Lucas: The darkness will come again Mummy...
> 
> My son is emo :lol:


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## RainbowDrop_x

Whilst coming down the stairs the other day carrying an abundance of toys that DD decided she wanted downstairs, she stops half way down turns to me and says "would you like some help mummy, you look like you're full of hands".

Another one was her sitting in the kitchen and I could hear loads of rustling, 

Me: Olivia what are you doing 
DD: Nothing mummy just sitting in the kitchen. 
5 rustling minutes later

Me: Olivia can you come here please
DD: Not yet 
Me: Olivia please can you come to mummy
DD: I'm doing a very important job at the moment.

Walked into the kitchen to be greeted by a chocolate wrapper mess. That's the last time I leave the quality street within reach!!


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## Foogirl

bumpsmum said:


> In stitches here lol
> 
> My oldest Matthew produces some whoppers on a regular basis, for example:
> 
> While getting dried after a shower Matthew asks 'mummy where's your Toby.' Toby being the name for his man (don't know where that name came from'
> 
> I replied that I didn't have a Toby I had a 'flower'
> 
> 'So you have a flower Toby? He asks
> No I'm a girl, girls don't have Toby's
> 'Oh......is your Toby hiding in your other hair PMSL lol
> 
> One tea time we were sitting at the table when he chirps in out of nowhere
> 
> 'my next daddy will have hair..........hubby is bald :dohh: to which daddy asks 'is there something you wanna tell me'

:rofl: poor hubby!


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## Dragonfly

Kilograms mum. They kill people. *William age 4*


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## AngelofTroy

Dragonfly said:


> Kilograms mum. They kill people. *William age 4*

:rofl: I have visions of a sort of cross between a hit man and a kissagram now lol


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## Dragonfly

I thought the same lol but he meant chemicals as he was talking about stuff that is sprayed on fields here we established in the end.


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## jelissamo

my friends neice was at the dr's office and had to potty and while sitting in the waiting room you could hear her yelling "get out my butt, poops!" :)

my 2 year old likes to talk on the phone and I will call her when she's at my moms:

me: hi lilly
lilly: hi mommy
me: what are you doing?
lilly: i pooped!
me: you pooped? did you get a clean diaper?
lilly: mr boots!
me: are you having fun with mr boots? (cat)
lilly: yeah. no couch! 
me: huh? couch?
lilly: spank! mommy love you. poop!
me: (laughing)mommy loves you too

a few weeks ago I was taking a shower and dh was watching her while cleaning and i come out of the bedroom to find her sitting on the kitchen counter with her feet in the sink and she says "wash hands!" my dh was in another room vaccuming and I yell "why is she on the counter in the sink!?" he comes out and says 'what!?" I turn around to see her climbing off the counter onto the bar stool and sits down and says "hi mommy!" 
such a stinker


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## imtattedup

My daughter says more or less mean things. Lol we know she doesn't mean it though.


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## frangi33

Put the teat of her bottle up to my face and holds it there - says breathe mummy it will make you better with a real serious face. (Aged 18 months)

She has a childs inhaler with a mask on it and that's what we tell her everytime she needs to use it. Clever thing!


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## nevernormal

Not my child, as he's not old enough to talk yet, but when I was pregnant with him we were teaching a children's class at church. One of the little girls (6 or 7 I'd guess) asked me if I was having a boy or a girl. I said I didn't know yet, and would have to wait and see when the baby arrived (we were team yellow).

Her response??? "Well you'll have to cut the cake to find out!"
Me: "Huh?"
Her: Yeah my moms' friend's daughter had a party and cut the cake and it was pink inside, so she knew she was having a girl!!"

If only it was so simple! :haha:


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## MelliPaige

I got my 2 year old niece a little nail polish set for Christmas since she loves to have her nails painted. She was so happy! She squealed "thank you for my toilet brushes sissy" haha not what it is, but at least she loves it!


----------



## Kate&Lucas

I was watching the first half of Wuthering Heights last night when Lucas woke up about 10 minutes before the end.

Me: (just as it was finishing) "Ahh I want Heathcliffe! No actually I just want Tom Hardy, Heathcliffe is a bit of a wanker"
Lucas: "Yes he is!"
Me: "Sorry baby! That was a very naughty word, I shouldn't have said it"
Lucas: "Oh. He is though."

Whoopsie!


----------



## Natsku

Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"


----------



## dizzy65

Today i was talking to DH on the phone after i got off the phone DS asked who i was talking to.. and i didnt answer and than he goes "mummy was it uncle pain in the butt" haha lmao


----------



## Noodlebear

Natsku said:


> Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"

:rofl: That's brilliant


----------



## Foogirl

Natsku said:


> Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"

Ouch! Very funny. Did you keep a straight face?


----------



## Natsku

Foogirl said:


> Natsku said:
> 
> 
> Maria was in a really bad mood with me the other day so I turned the tv on to try and cheer her up a bit and there was a program about really ugly dogs. I pointed at the tv and said "look there's a doggy" and she replied in a very angry voice "that's not a dog, that's mummy!!"
> 
> Ouch! Very funny. Did you keep a straight face?Click to expand...

Nope, I couldn't keep a straight face!


----------



## Kate&Lucas

:haha:

Sounds like Lucas the other day, I flicked over to 'Fat for Cash' (if you've never seen it... Google it). Lucas saw and shouted "Wow, why are those ladies so huuuuuuuge? They're massive like you!"
:cry:


----------



## Natsku

Toddlers are so good at the unintended insult! (or maybe slightly intended in Maria's case)


----------



## LoolaBear

the other day we were off out DD1's coat was hung over the banister with her dad's on top.
she took her dad's off and passed it to DS. as she did she said,

'Now what ever you do you must hold this, not matter what. You absolutely, massively, truely, really really because it's daddy's'

had me in stitches because she sounded like a grown up talking to a child. he's only 1 minute younger than her :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Walking home tonight and Micah starts pointing behind me and saying "robber, robber, robber, robber", I look back and see a guy who looks IDENTICAL to 'hefty Hugh' a robber character from one of Micah's favourite books! Right down to the hat!!
https://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g304/Melon1687/IMG_20140109_194221_zps5f9d66e2.jpg
I stifle a laugh but Micah keeps pointing and shouting louder and louder, "robber, ROBBER, MUMMYYY! ROBBER!!" the poor guy was walking behind us for several minutes!!!


----------



## MelliPaige

Another one from my darling little 2 and a half year old niece;
She was going through my unborn sons toys, she got to a teething toy that vibrates when he bites down on it. She says "what does this one do?" I showed her, she put her little hands on her hips and said "well that's a ripoff"


----------



## Noodlebear

This was my cousin not my LO but I'm quite 'gifted' in the breast department....
He came running down the stairs, looked at me and laughed before prodding me in the boob and shouting 'You're a fatty!!! Look!' :dohh:


----------



## NerdyMama

My daughter and I were cuddling before she has to go to need. She told me this:
DD: mama I eat candy all day tomorrow OK?
Me: that's probably not going to happen.
DD: and cookies.
Me: oh really?
Dd: and take a bubble bath.... And blow bubbles.
Me: and what else?
DD: oh and eat pizza all day too.
Me: so you want to eat candy pizza and cookies all day tomorrow and take a bubble bath. and blow bubbles?
DD: we do that tomorrow OK?
I was speechless lmao
Lately she also has been alternating:
Tomorrow is Christmas and Santa will bring me presents OK?
Or
It is my birthday tomorrow OK?
I think I've spoiled her lol


----------



## BabyMamma93

i work in a letting agent, a tenant came in to pay her rent when her little girl (3-4 YO maybe) sat in front of me and said 'are you provident' (a loan company) i replied 'No' she then went to my mums desk and said 'are _you_ provident' and my mum told her the same. 'so if your not provident, why is my mum paying you' 
as you can imagine the poor woman was embarrassed her daughter told us she has a loan with provident LOL!!

im sure ive more of my families kiddies stories, none of my own just yet though. so funny reading these. My fave was the 'Mouth teeth' one. very funny :L


----------



## d_b

These are great!

For a while DS1 seemed to confuse OH and the postman - maybe because they both came to the door every day? 
(As his dad comes in the door)
DS: "Postman's coming in."
OH: "I'm not the postman, I'm daddy."
DS: "Daddy's the postman."
OH: "We'll mommy has some explaining to do if that's the case".

When I was pregnant with DS2 my belly button popped out and DS1 pointed to it and said "Mommy's penis".

He cracks me up every day, I really need to start writing down some quotes!


----------



## BabyMamma93

HAHAHA 'mommy penis' soo funny..
i know someone whos little boy was in the bath with his mum and he said 'oh my gosh mum, wheres your willy gone' she explained mummys dont have willys we have 'fairys' his reply was 'oh my god, im glad i dont have one of them, they look scary'
then at christmas when she put the tree up, he came home and said 'aww mummy that looks beautiful, can we sing happy birthday now'..

My funniest convo with my 6YO cousin was trying to explain my family.. hes my uncles son, my aunties nephew, my mums nephew and my grandads grandson..
so he had a butter knife and said 'grandad im gonna stab you' i told him if he stabs my grandad ill have to stab him, well he was mortified that id lie about HIS grandad being my grandad and said 'grandad will you tell her that your mine'
i took him to the shop and said something about my mum, 'whos your mum' he asked.. my mum is your auntie.. 'no shes not, thats not possible' i explained his daddy is my uncle and his other auntie is my auntie too. 'well how come my auntie Sarah is your mum but auntie Keeley is your auntie, i dont understand, and they are my family though, my mum isnt your mum'.. but yet he does understand hes my cousin, but his family cant be my family, thats impossible!!


----------



## MelliPaige

BabyMamma93 said:


> HAHAHA 'mommy penis' soo funny..
> i know someone whos little boy was in the bath with his mum and he said 'oh my gosh mum, wheres your willy gone' she explained mummys dont have willys we have 'fairys' his reply was 'oh my god, im glad i dont have one of them, they look scary'
> then at christmas when she put the tree up, he came home and said 'aww mummy that looks beautiful, can we sing happy birthday now'..
> 
> My funniest convo with my 6YO cousin was trying to explain my family.. hes my uncles son, my aunties nephew, my mums nephew and my grandads grandson..
> so he had a butter knife and said 'grandad im gonna stab you' i told him if he stabs my grandad ill have to stab him, well he was mortified that id lie about HIS grandad being my grandad and said 'grandad will you tell her that your mine'
> i took him to the shop and said something about my mum, 'whos your mum' he asked.. my mum is your auntie.. 'no shes not, thats not possible' i explained his daddy is my uncle and his other auntie is my auntie too. 'well how come my auntie Sarah is your mum but auntie Keeley is your auntie, i dont understand, and they are my family though, my mum isnt your mum'.. but yet he does understand hes my cousin, but his family cant be my family, thats impossible!!

My niece says the same thing, except its with my mom (her nana)
I'll tell her nanas my mom, she says no her mom is my mom.
My baby can share nana though, but her baby brother can't.
"Can nana be (brother)'s nana?"
"Not brothers nana, my nana!"
"Is she Leo's nana"
"Yes"
"Is she my mom"
"No! Mommy is mommy that's my nana"

She also refuses to believe that nanas house is poppys(what she calls my dad) house..my family runs a business and she says that's poppys house and their house is nanas house lol she will argue over it for hours.
"Where does poppy live"
"Nanas house"
"So it's poppys house, too"
"No nana"
"Where's poppys house?"
"His work"
"Where does he live?"
"Nanas"


----------



## AC1987

My DD seems to think I am cookie monster... :wacko:


----------



## Kate&Lucas

5am conversation with Lucas...

Lucas: "Night night."
Me: "Night babe. Love you."
Lucas: "You know what I love?"
Me: "What?"
Lucas: "You on a trolley!!" *cue 5 minutes of laughter*


Random :wacko:


----------



## Natsku

OH is a bit ill so I was telling Maria earlier that we should to to the shop to buy him some ice cream to make him feel better and she agreed enthusiastically but then about ten minutes later she said very seriously "But I might eat all of Haha's (OH's) ice cream" - at least she's honest about her evil plans!


----------



## BabyMamma93

took my cousin to a soft play area at the weekend, he comes out with the most randomest things, but its more the voice he has when he says them.. we was in the car and he asked how long till we are there, my auntie said just a few minutes 'okay im going to have a small nap then' HAHA.. there was a wasp in the cafe area and we was eating, my auntie said the wasp was on my head so i shook my head to get it off and it landed on the table, my cousin whos 6 said 'service, someone service there is a wasp near my food' then when no one came he said 'right thats it im out of here, its all yours' 
i suppose you have to hear the voice to find it as funny as we did :)


----------



## Dragonfly

"William did you know your great great great blablabla was a famous Archbishop? "

William:

My granddad had a space ship?? 

Looks too amazed to correct lol


----------



## SisterRose

My DD is always saying hilarious stuff! has us in stitches some times. Im trying to think of a few recent ones. Im going to have to start a twitter "funnystuffmy3yearoldsays" I think :haha:

She fell off her scooter the other day and spent about 4 hours talking about before she went to bed "I'm soooo brave, aren't I mummy? That means I can have a lollipop doesn't it?" and then leaning forward as far as she could "My cut hurts when I bend forward" woke up the next morning and the first thing she said was "my cut has gone all crispy" lol.

She keeps saying "Dont get stressed out mummy" and I was walking her home from nursery the other day, she looked at me all serious and said "its always freakin' cold isnt it?" :s

This morning she thought it was hilarious to hold a half eaten bread stick under my nose and shout "MUSTACHE!"


----------



## SisterRose

Oh yeah, and then she threw the bread stick across the rug and shouted casually to my 3 month old daughter "FETCH, DOGGY!" :S


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Last night in bed..

Lucas: "What did you do today?"
Me: "I went to see the doctor"
Lucas: "Oh. What colour was he?"
Me: "Erm... the same colour as you darling.."
Lucas: *Thrusts out his arm which is currently covered in eczema* "RED!??"


----------



## Noodlebear

These 2 had me in stitches :haha: bless them!!


SisterRose said:


> This morning she thought it was hilarious to hold a half eaten bread stick under my nose and shout "MUSTACHE!"





Kate&Lucas said:


> Last night in bed..
> 
> Lucas: "What did you do today?"
> Me: "I went to see the doctor"
> Lucas: "Oh. What colour was he?"
> Me: "Erm... the same colour as you darling.."
> Lucas: *Thrusts out his arm which is currently covered in eczema* "RED!??"


----------



## Natsku

More scary than funny but today I told Maria to not throw something at me and she said "I not throw it at mummy, I just try to kill you!"


----------



## proudparent88

So my fiance' was working nights and I had the kids upstairs as I would get a bath. My son Alex who is 4 came in with my son Tommy who is 2 and looks at me as I am washing my hair and says 
"Mommy is that your willy" what he calls his privates I said "No mommy has a kitty cat." he just looks for a minute thinking then says to me "But we don't have a cat."

I about died! It was priceless! I crack up every time I think of it cause the look on my 2yo's face was just kind of like what are you talking about! :rofl:


----------



## apple_20

Kate&Lucas said:


> Last night in bed..
> 
> Lucas: "What did you do today?"
> Me: "I went to see the doctor"
> Lucas: "Oh. What colour was he?"
> Me: "Erm... the same colour as you darling.."
> Lucas: *Thrusts out his arm which is currently covered in eczema* "RED!??"

Love this one. Still waiting for my lo to talk!


----------



## proudparent88

So after giving my kids a bath tonight My four year old gets out looks down at his own body throws his hands and arms out and says "I'm soaked!" as if he expected to be dry right after getting out of the tub! :haha:


----------



## Natsku

Maria yesterday, when she knew she wanted something but didn't know what it was - 

Mummy I want....I want....I want.... What my want? Oh mummy I just want. I just wanna want!


----------



## proudparent88

Natsku said:


> Maria yesterday, when she knew she wanted something but didn't know what it was -
> 
> Mummy I want....I want....I want.... What my want? Oh mummy I just want. I just wanna want!

:rofl: My oldest does the repetitive I want when trying to tell me something!


----------



## wannabemomy37

We were playing "chef" and he's serving me all sorts of "yummy" pretend foods (ice tea mixed w/ PB&J, fish mixed w/ milk, etc.) and then he goes "WOW!! You're going to have a baby!!!" and walks away.

I sternly say "Charlie, come back here...what did you just say?"
C: "I said it looks like you're going to have a baby!"
Me: "Why did you say that?!"
C: Because your tummy is sooo big!!

:dohh: So hopefully this was because we were playing...Otherwise he either said I'm fat or pregnant. :wacko:


----------



## Foogirl

Conversation one morning.

Abby: Mummy, I know what I want to be when I grow up.
Me: What's that then
Abby: The president of the United States of America.

(Bless her for aiming big)

Conversation that evening.

Abby: Mummy, I know what I want to be when I grow up
Me: What's that then
Abby: An artist, I will paint pictures.
Me: I thought you wanted to be the President of the United States?
Abby: I could do both jobs, I could go to America and be the president In the morning and paint pictures in the afternoon.

Even at four years old, she knows being a politician ain't a full time job.


----------



## AngelofTroy

Foogirl - that's brilliant! 

Natsku - tell Maria I know that feeling lol

Now for ours:

A bit of background, our bathroom OH's toiletries happen to be in the drawer Micah can reach. He likes to take them out and I remind him that they're daddy's. 

Now he points at any toiletries bottle we see (however pink and flowery!) and proudly exclaims 'daddy's!' :haha:


----------



## Natsku

Foogirl said:


> Conversation one morning.
> 
> Abby: Mummy, I know what I want to be when I grow up.
> Me: What's that then
> Abby: The president of the United States of America.
> 
> (Bless her for aiming big)
> 
> Conversation that evening.
> 
> Abby: Mummy, I know what I want to be when I grow up
> Me: What's that then
> Abby: An artist, I will paint pictures.
> Me: I thought you wanted to be the President of the United States?
> Abby: I could do both jobs, I could go to America and be the president In the morning and paint pictures in the afternoon.
> 
> Even at four years old, she knows being a politician ain't a full time job.


Smart 4 year old! :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah's cousin gave him a DVD of Spot the dog, and Micah loves it only he pronounces it 'pot' so he now runs around the house shouting "MORE POT! PLEASE MUMMY POT!" :haha: I wonder what the neighbours must think!


----------



## Phantom

My 2 year old likes to name every item as we place it on the conveyer belt at the grocery store. So as usual we put each item on he names it: "pizza, macaroni and cheese, grapes, milk..." until we get to the special laxative medication his doctor has told us to give him for a few months, and he says "poop". I could not stop laughing! :haha:


----------



## Foogirl

Phantom said:


> My 2 year old likes to name every item as we place it on the conveyer belt at the grocery store. So as usual we put each item on he names it: "pizza, macaroni and cheese, grapes, milk..." until we get to the special laxative medication his doctor has told us to give him for a few months, and he says "poop". I could not stop laughing! :haha:

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


----------



## proudparent88

Phantom said:


> My 2 year old likes to name every item as we place it on the conveyer belt at the grocery store. So as usual we put each item on he names it: "pizza, macaroni and cheese, grapes, milk..." until we get to the special laxative medication his doctor has told us to give him for a few months, and he says "poop". I could not stop laughing! :haha:

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Today I was playing with my two year old and I was tickling him well he always tells me where to tickle but today he came out of nowhere with something I didn't expect which went like this as he lifts his legs over his head he says to me "Tickle my booty." I couldn't help but laugh and told him no I wasn't going to tickle his booty didn't have any idea where that one came from! :haha:


----------



## Natsku

Maria asked my OH last night "who are you doing?" :haha: She gets a bit confused with her Finnish so I think she meant to ask "what are you doing?" but it made me crack up laughing and she looked so confused.


----------



## Gemmamuk

My son has been bang on form this weekend!!

He stayed with SIL for 5 nights at the beginning of last week while I was in hospital having a baby. I think she has been teaching/playing money with him.
I had a load of change on the top and he was handing them to me saying 'one, two' for the pennies and tuppanes. I was shocked he knew them, as I'd never let him handle coins, but thought it could be lucky guesses. I said 'Alex, here - do you want them back?'.
And he replied with 'no I want the pounds!' Ha ha!!!!!!!

I tucked Alex up in bed for his nap Saturday afternoon, and he said 'night night mummy, I love you. And I love biscuits!' 

Alex came and got in my bath Saturday night and was playing with his toys. He turned round and started telling me he has a willy, looked down and asked me where mine was!! Ha ha!!


----------



## Dragonfly

"he wants to be like an asshole, its like a person only hes an asshole" 

William.


----------



## Cassie123

We were watching the rugby and OH shouted "get in" at the screen. LO decided to start shouting at the screen too. She got a little confused and shouted "get out" and "come in" really emphatically for the rest of the game.


----------



## BabyMamma93

I was at my OH's grans the other day, my OH's little brother is almost 3 and was having a nappy put on after been to the toilet, so before his auntie put the nappy over his front he shouted 'my todge is sticking up' in the cutest most casual voice ever, his auntie then replied 'well put it down then i dont want to touch it' of corse the whole room was laughing at him he stood up hid his face and said 'its really not funny' ohh it was and will be a good embarrassing story to tell when hes older!!


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah pulled daddy's hair yesterday, OH said "Don't pull hair! What do you say to daddy", and Micah replied in song "pull, pull, clap clap clap!" :haha:


----------



## RainbowDrop_x

Whilst trying (and failing) to put on and stand in my high heels.

"This is bullshit"


----------



## WhisperGirl

When my friend was a toddler she went to her grandmothers for a party. Went upstairs to the toilet with the granny, came back down to the room full of people and announced 'granny has a beard on her bum!' 

Not one of mine, but too good not to mention :haha:


----------



## MrsFlong

Daughter is 5 years old ans is always making us laugh. 

DD: Mummy can i have some warer please?
ME: DD, there is a T in water
DD: No mummy there is water in tea!

also OH farted the other day and DD turns to him and goes: Dad what died in your bum?


----------



## Natsku

Maria: Mummy, poop!
Me: Where? (thinking the cat had done a poo somewhere)
Maria: In my bum! You have to take it out and put it in the toilet!


----------



## MelliPaige

My mom threw a meet baby party for me, and my niece, cali, and 4 month old nephew peaked in at him..

Me - "this is your baby cousin, Leo"
Cali - "oh I brought my baby, too! Him name Brayden"

Later...

Cali - "where you goin?"
Me - "to the potty"
Cali - "dont close the door! I need to watch youuuuuuu!"


----------



## MrsBandEgglet

My middle one, Violet, is a bit of a crackpot and most of the time what she has to say makes no sense lol. Here's a few examples:

"Sit down Ya-Ya (Arthur) and I'll make a cup of tea" (they were in the bath) 

"I'm a princess girl, Thora's a princess boy" :/

"Mummy, daddy said my toes will come off" 
Me: (completely perplexed) "what, Violet?" 
Daddy: (popping his head out the kitchen) "no Violet I said your toast is done" :dohh:

During some pretty spectacularly bad parking by me at Asda, Violet said: "oh dear mummy try again" cheeky little mare!!


----------



## MrsBandEgglet

oh god and this one:

right in front of an old mad that looked absolutely horrified "mummy I want to save my poo"

And this little exchange to her father: Violet: "Daddy I don't like boys, I want to play with the girls".
Daddy: "Good!" 
Violet: "Daddy I can't wipe my willy"
Daddy: " you don't have one violet"
Violet: "ohhh I want one"


----------



## BabyMamma93

HAHAHA your Violet sounds a funny little girl, i bet she keeps you entertained x


----------



## Sarah lo

Olivia has developed a fear of worms after she found one in the garden a few weeks ago. She often refuses to leave the house unless we carry her past where the worm was so we've started telling her that the worms have all gone and that Daddy got rid of them all.

So it was no real surprise when Olivia started shouting at the top of her voice "Daddy's got worms, Daddy's got worms!" in the supermarket today :dohh:


----------



## MommyJogger

I finally have one! My son has recently discovered "Kix" cereal. His pronunciation is getting much better lately, but his beginning consonants aren't good at all. We went to the supermarket today and I picked up a box and he put it in the cart for me, then proceeded to repeat "More dick!" at the top of his lungs for the rest of the trip in various tones from thrilled to confused to incredibly upset.


----------



## Natsku

^^:rofl:^^


I was getting ready to go out to poker last night and Maria started to get upset, telling me not to go. Until OH told her that he was going to take her out for a sledge ride, and then when they come back in, have an ice lolly and hot chocolate. At that point she was practically pushing me out of the door saying "Go mummy! Go!"


----------



## tina3747

MommyJogger said:


> I finally have one! My son has recently discovered "Kix" cereal. His pronunciation is getting much better lately, but his beginning consonants aren't good at all. We went to the supermarket today and I picked up a box and he put it in the cart for me, then proceeded to repeat "More dick!" at the top of his lungs for the rest of the trip in various tones from thrilled to confused to incredibly upset.

My son loves musicals, doesn't watch any childrens programmes at all. He likes Chitty Bang Bang and acts out most of the songs, his favourite being 'Old Bamboo'... Its a dance routine with a load of guys with sticks ( bit like Morris dancers)and he has to copy exactly what they're doing even down to the props.He can't pronounce 'S' so sounds more like a D... Cue running around the house shouting 'Where's my dick' every time it comes on!


----------



## pandacub

I told jacob I loved him the most in the world the other day and he replied
"Mummy, I love you too but I love sandwiches the most"

Aw thanks.

Also in the asda toilet, he shouted
"Ow mummy you're hurting my willy!"
:|


----------



## MelliPaige

Neice can't say her 's'..

"Beep beep beep I'm a f**k alarm!" (Smoke)
(Smacks her own face) "in f**king myfelf!"" (Smacking)


----------



## Gemmamuk

pandacub said:


> I told jacob I loved him the most in the world the other day and he replied
> "Mummy, I love you too but I love sandwiches the most"
> 
> Aw thanks.
> :|

I get similar from Alex. Last week I was driving down the road and he was in the back singing nursery rhymes to me. I said "Awwww Alex I love you so much". He replied with "Awwww, I love asda!".
He has a major asda obsession ha ha

Last night I tucked him into to bed and said "night night Alex, I love you" and he turned, cuddled his bottle and whispered "I love you milk"! Ha ha!!!

Nice to know where I stand lol!!


----------



## x__amour

DD came in today while I was changing pants and I was wearing a thong and said, "Mommy! You forgot your undies!" while laughing hysterically. I told her I was wearing some and she came around and said, Mommy! Your undies are hiding in your BUTT!" 

:rofl:


----------



## AngelofTroy

x__amour said:


> DD came in today while I was changing pants and I was wearing a thong and said, "Mommy! You forgot your undies!" while laughing hysterically. I told her I was wearing some and she came around and said, Mommy! Your undies are hiding in your BUTT!"
> 
> :rofl:

:rofl:


----------



## Jasiellover

x__amour said:


> DD came in today while I was changing pants and I was wearing a thong and said, "Mommy! You forgot your undies!" while laughing hysterically. I told her I was wearing some and she came around and said, Mommy! Your undies are hiding in your BUTT!"
> 
> :rofl:

hahahahaha


----------



## Dragonfly

William on being told there are new tractos coming to the farm. 

Me: William will be in his element...

William "No I wont I will be in my over alls". 

lol


----------



## Natsku

From just this morning already - "Ooo mummy, you got a biiiig bum!" and a bit later "Oh dear mummy, my legs are too dangerous" (not sure what that was all about!)


----------



## Sarah lo

Olivia just got a Mr Men DVD. We were watching it this morning and when Mr greedy came on she laughed and pointed and said "that's my mummy, my mummy got big tummy!" :?

I am 37 weeks pregnant, mind you, so I suppose I can let her off for that one!


----------



## Natsku

In the sauna this evening, usually she stays on the middle bench but tonight Maria came up to the top bench and said "Ooo its nice and warm, I want to put my bum here"


----------



## sheldonsmommy

Sheldon: When I grow up I want to have a 'gina like you.


----------



## sheldonsmommy

Although it wasn't my child, my little sister had a gem when she was about 5.

Nat: Mommy, where do babies come from? 
Mom: Well, you grow in my tummy and then you come out of my vagina. 
Nat: Oh, that's why you have all that hair down there... To cover up the big hole!


----------



## hayz_baby

Lo has speech delay but is getting better. The other day oh had to take him out and I stayed behind, half way there he turned to oh and said "oh no..oh no hayo (that's me) hayo? *gasp* hayo home! Oh no hayo home!" Starts pointing and saying home home! He thought him and oh forgot me!


----------



## AngelofTroy

Me: does granny have any pets?
Micah: yeah 
Me: What pet does she have?
Micah: grandad!


----------



## pandacub

Jacob has made a tower of duplo and keeps referring to it as his 'porking stick' :| I asked if he meant 'walking stick' and he replied 'no, not walk, PORK'


----------



## MelliPaige

Neice walks in on me feeding Leo, gasped, and ran back into the family room screaming "she stuck a boobie in him mouth!" Lol
Idk why she was so surprised, her brother was breastfed until recently


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Looking through his magnifying glass this morning..

Lucas: "Wow Mummy, you're massive!"
Me: "You cheeky bugger"
Lucas: *Gesturing wildly* "But look, you're huge!"
Me: "Okay you're not looking through the magnifying glass now..."
Lucas: "I know! The size of you!"

He's such a bloody cheeky :haha:


----------



## Natsku

:haha: cheeky!


Maria has been saying "doggy poop" on repeat for the past ten minutes. And now she's just switched to "poo basin" in Finnish.


----------



## Kay_Baby

My son has just started requesting things he sees on adverts, after watching an animal sponsorship advert

"Can I have a polar bear please daddy?"

I was laughing so much I woke the baby up


----------



## Foogirl

Abby: Where are we going today?
Me: Dunelm, Hobbycraft and Tesco
Abby: *bounces excitedly* WOW, this is going to be the best day EVER!!


----------



## Natsku

She's easy to please!


----------



## hayz_baby

Foogirl said:


> Abby: Where are we going today?
> Me: Dunelm, Hobbycraft and Tesco
> Abby: *bounces excitedly* WOW, this is going to be the best day EVER!!

That does sound like a really good day though!


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Really loudly on the bus the other day..

"My bum is really sore"
"Oh no, is it your eczema?"
"No it's not eczema. It's probably because I had a BIIIGGGG MASSIVE POO before!"

:dohh:


----------



## MelliPaige

Friends 5yo..
"Oh Leo's got fish feet! *sniffs them* I was wrong..popcorn feet."
Can anyone explain that? Lol


----------



## Natsku

Popcorn and fish smell similar yet subtly different?

Maria just came home today and has been amusing from the start. Told her we were having fish and chips for dinner and her response was "YEEEESSSno thanks" I then told her I was hungry as the food wasn't ready and she handed me my hat and told me to eat it :rofl:


----------



## Wriggley

Me: how long til the next services
Coi: he killed a pigion
Pete: 6 miles
Coi: he killed a pigion
Me: not long then
Coi: he killed a pigeon

Coi: can I play on your iPhone please
Me: I don't have a iPhone 
Coi: oh can I play on your just a phone then 

:/

Me: did u have fun at nursery 
Coi: yeah I broke the sink 
Me: how
Coi: I pushed the tap and it came off
Me: did u tell the teacher 
Coi: no I put it down the toilet


----------



## Kyten1978

This was about eight years ago when my DS was 3. I was driving some friends home after a card game and my DS says from his car seat in the back " Mommy, my pee pee keeps getting bigger and bigger." Everyone was speechless and all I could think to say was " Yes it will do that as you get bigger." 

There was also a time when my father, my DS and I were flying to visit family. DS was about 2 and we were stuck in a plane that was delayed at the gate. There was a small baby screaming behind us. After a few minutes my DS got tired of the screaming and says at the top of his voice " BABY NEEDS A TIME OUT!" Everyone on the plane around us broke up laughing.


----------



## Natsku

Maria informed me very matter-of-factly the other day that it was nice and warm outside.

It was snowing at the time.


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah has taken to trying to pull people's heads off "like a lego man"... OH asked him why he couldn't manage to take his head off and Micah replied "too heavy, mummy do it"


----------



## AngelofTroy

Another one today!

I was tidying up so I quickly put all the pieces into Micah's alphabet puzzle so that it would fit in the box... Micah is watching me and when I finish it he looks up in complete awe and says "That's amazing mummy" :haha: glad I impress someone!!


----------



## Noodlebear

I'm still waiting to be able to share stories here! Unless Lucas saying 'bye bye' 'uh oh' 'aww' or 'hello' at inappropriate times counts we're not quite there yet lol.


----------



## Button#

Ashley is very into spelling at the moment so today we had 

Me: time for your nap

Ashley: spell no


----------



## Noodlebear

Just burst out laughing! :haha: brilliant.


----------



## Bevziibubble

Holly will not say mummy at all. She knows that I'm mummy, but when asked who I am, she just won't say mummy or mamma.


She has recently started referring to me as 'that' or 'a boobie'! :dohh: :rofl:


----------



## Gemmamuk

Alex walked in to the room to find my nan cuddling his baby brother, stopped dead in his tracks and said 'he's not yours, he's mummy's!!!' Ha ha!!!


----------



## Palestrina

When I woke LO up from his nap yesterday he sat up confused and said "what time is it?" lol, as if he even knows what that means.

And at the grocery store we went through the self check-out machine. At the end of the transaction the machine says "thank you for shopping with us" and LO piped up and said "you're welcome computer"


----------



## Foogirl

Palestrina said:


> When I woke LO up from his nap yesterday he sat up confused and said "what time is it?" lol, as if he even knows what that means.
> 
> And at the grocery store we went through the self check-out machine. At the end of the transaction the machine says "thank you for shopping with us" and LO piped up and said "you're welcome computer"

:haha:

Abby is always shouting at the self scan machines. The other day when it said "unexpected item in the bagging area" she said (loud) "It's just mummy's big bum, silly machine"

I remember her waking from a nap once when she was about 18 months old. She looked at me bleary eyed and said "funny" I asked what was funny and she just replied "Monkeys" and turned over to go back to sleep.


----------



## Palestrina

Yesterday I overheard LO talking to his elmo doll. He said "Stop complaining Elmo"



Foogirl said:


> Abby is always shouting at the self scan machines. The other day when it said "unexpected item in the bagging area" she said (loud) "It's just mummy's big bum, silly machine"

Priceless


----------



## wifey29

We're about to add baby number two so I've been preparing DS as much as I can, reading books, playing with baby dolls etc. yesterday we were looking at a book when he suddenly gets upset and shouts "oh no!". I asked him what was wrong and he points to the picture of a mummy breastfeeding and says "baby bite mummy's booby, naughty baby". I've got a feeling his sibling might get "told off" a few times during feedings lol.


----------



## Gemmamuk

wifey29 said:


> We're about to add baby number two so I've been preparing DS as much as I can, reading books, playing with baby dolls etc. yesterday we were looking at a book when he suddenly gets upset and shouts "oh no!". I asked him what was wrong and he points to the picture of a mummy breastfeeding and says "baby bite mummy's booby, naughty baby". I've got a feeling his sibling might get "told off" a few times during feedings lol.

Their reaction to breastfeeding is so funny! First few times Alex saw me feeding his baby brother he sniggered and laughed a lot.
Then he wanted to try himself and lunged at me trying to lick my nipple lol!
Last week I walked into his bedroom to find him trying to breastfeed his dolly!! Ha ha!!!

Also at Easter he was eating a bag of flumps (like marshmallows). I asked if mummy and daddy could have some, and he said no.
A few minutes later he came over and started rummaging in my bra, then started stuffing flumps down my bra! I asked what he was doing and he said 'I'm sharing with baby nat-chu!' (He can't say Matthew lol).
I guess his logic is there ha ha!!

He also yelled in a packed shop 'mummy, nat-chu is crying! Get your boobies out!'.


----------



## Palestrina

Gemmamuk said:


> He also yelled in a packed shop 'mummy, nat-chu is crying! Get your boobies out!'.

:haha::haha::haha::haha: That's hilarious!!


----------



## Wriggley

my 3 year old threw his wellies down the stairs this morning and said 'thats not something you see every day' :/ lol


----------



## Button#

Wriggley that actually made me lol!


----------



## Wriggley

Button# said:


> Wriggley that actually made me lol!

lol he often has me in stitches with the things he comes out with


----------



## Gemmamuk

I keep thinking I should do a journal or something of all the funny things Alex says to me to cheer me up when he's being a terror lol


----------



## Foogirl

Wriggley said:


> my 3 year old threw his wellies down the stairs this morning and said 'thats not something you see every day' :/ lol

Love it!


----------



## MelliPaige

My neice Cali is being potty trained, I walked in my sisters house and heard:

Cali: mama I pooped 
Sister: good job baby
Cali: in my undah-wear!!!!!


----------



## Natsku

Maria came home last night and she has been spouting hilarious and disturbing comments from the moment we picked her up.

On storm clouds we were driving towards - "Look its coming! Its going to get us and eat us RARRRR!"

"Mummy your head is being naughty, I'm going to pull it off" and proceeds to try and pull it off

"Oh no Creepy Baby is eating me! She's eating my face, she's eating my eyes, my nose! Naughty Creepy Baby, don't eat my nose. You go on the naughty chair on Mummy's lap"

This was all just in the car ride home...


----------



## Kay_Baby

DS1 came out with this during dinner today

" I don't like spicy food, I like chilli"


----------



## RainbowDrop_x

DD was sat eating an ice cream a few weeks ago, she seemed to be enjoying it, until she announced 

DD: I give up

Feeling a bit upset at her defeat I said "oh no sweetheart what do you give up with"

To which she looked me square in the eye, licked her ice cream and responded with "you, you lazy bugger" 

To which my DH pointed out "You got owned!"


----------



## DCS

Sat on the sofa with ds and OH and ds says 
" i would like to buy a spiderman car playset please"
OH replies " oh would you? "
And ds says " yes. Please can i borrow some of your money"

We could not stop laughing, but i think DS was serious.


----------



## AngelofTroy

We took Micah to Rome on holiday this last week and we were in a museum at the Vatican. There was a vibrating noise from somewhere and OH made some joke about the Pope having wind... (yes OH is so mature!) cue Micah we wandering around the Vatican shouting "Pope trumping! It's a Pope trumping!" :dohh::blush:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Cappuccino = "cup of tuna" :haha:


----------



## Foogirl

AngelofTroy said:


> Cappuccino = "cup of tuna" :haha:

:haha::haha:


----------



## Natsku

Asking her to do something "I can't, my legs are broke"

Asking her why? "Because I said so"


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Lucas woke up the other night, pushed his hand infront of my face and said "you know why this is here? Incase you sneeze, so you don't have to get it all over your own hand."
Disgusting and cute all at the same time :lol:


----------



## Bevziibubble

I am happy I can join in this thread now Holly has started talking more! My parents visited before and she announced 'I love boobie!' :dohh:

Then later on in the day she randomly said 'I love water! I love book! I love goal!' :rofl:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah has just learnt our real names, and it drives OH mad when Micah calls him 'Dave' instead of 'daddy'... the other day Micah's playing with his toy phone and he puts it to OH's ear and says "it's daddy, say hello daddy", so OH says (walking right into this) "hang on, if this is daddy then who am I?", and Micah without missing a beat and with a huge cheeky smile says, "DAVE!" :haha: poor OH didn't know what to say!


----------



## Natsku

Bevziibubble said:


> I am happy I can join in this thread now Holly has started talking more! My parents visited before and she announced 'I love boobie!' :dohh:
> 
> Then later on in the day she randomly said 'I love water! I love book! I love goal!' :rofl:

Does she love lamp? :rofl:

I was on the phone to Maria earlier, I found it amusing when she said "Hi mummy, my name is Maria"


----------



## Seity

"Daddy, cotton candy is like a hairball you can eat."


----------



## MrsPear

Yesterday on the bus Joni was shouting really loudly "Done a poo poo in my nappy! Want to touch my bottom! It's just truuuuumps!"

Today I was carrying her through the shopping centre and she glanced down and suddenly looked really excited, saying, "Hiyah, floor!"


----------



## RainbowDrop_x

On a car journey.

DD: Mummy, we 2, me and you have blonde hair don't we?
Me: Yes we do
DD: And daddy has black hair
Me: yes that's right, well done
DD: but mummy what colour hair did you have when you were little
Me: well first it was black, then it fell out and went blonde. That's what your hair did.
DD: oh, so we 2 had black hair, then we were bald and now we have blond hair?
Me: that's it exactly
DD: so what colour hair did daddy have before he had black hair
DH: I had blonde hair when I was little
DD: ok..... Does that mean you were a girl 

:rofl:


----------



## Bevziibubble

Holly always says it's 'a man' who has done it, whenever she hears a loud noise, sees a mess in the street or spots a random breakage or something not quite right. It's so funny that she really has it in for this man!
Today I was taking her out for a walk in her pushchair and she suddenly announced 'I love man!' Awww! :haha:


----------



## sheldonsmommy

I let Sheldon have a few pistachios a while ago, and since has been asking for moustachios.

Seriously considering creating a cereal by that name!


----------



## Foogirl

MrsPear said:


> Today I was carrying her through the shopping centre and she glanced down and suddenly looked really excited, saying, "Hiyah, floor!"

:haha::haha::haha:


----------



## AC1987

DD1 has been saying so many funny things lately now that she can put two - three word sentences together. I have been working on potty training her, and she had pooped in her potty so I praised her and she watched me dump it into the toilet, so she says "bye bye poo poo" :haha:


----------



## Noodlebear

Lucas was petrified of the toilet flushing until we taught him to wave bye bye. Now everytime you flush you can hear him yell 'bye bye' and come running to wave lol.


----------



## Natsku

This probably falls more along the lines of disturbing rather than funny but the other day while we were swimming in the lake I heard Maria say to OH "lets put mummy to sleep in the deep (water)" - felt a tad scared!


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah tripped over yesterday and said "Goodness snake!" in a really exasperated voice! :haha:


----------



## MelliPaige

I stayed the night with a friend to help her shuck, cut, and can some corn. Her dd3 said 
"fewww! I work hard. Mama work hard. You work hard...but NOT daddy!" Haha
She also said "you staying here with me?" I said "yea" she said "no, you can go. Leo can stay. I momma Leo I momma" haha

She's a little behind in the speech department but she's a little comedian!


----------



## Gaige

I have been cackling like a maniac over this thread for ages - as has OH when I've read a few out to him.

But this:-


RainbowDrop_x said:


> Whilst trying (and failing) to put on and stand in my high heels.
> 
> "This is bullshit"

This is the one that finished me off.
I couldn't breathe, my stomach is now killing me and the mental image I have is absolutely priceless.
Thank you for sharing that, every time I think about it I get the giggles.


----------



## AngelofTroy

Today I was talking to my brother about my friend Sarah, and Micah very seriously says to me "Mummy? Is that Sarah that's in 'Sarah and Duck?" ... Sure, all my friends are Cbeebies characters..:haha:

And also the wind blew our letterbox and Micah asked me who was at the door, I said "nobody" and he replied "yeah-body! Mummy yeah-body at the door!"


----------



## AngelofTroy

LOUDLY in the changing room getting changed after swimming... "mummy izzat your nipples?" then after I confirmed that they were... "haha, your nipples look funny! Bumpy nipples! Mummy I want to touch them! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR NIPPLES! MAY I HAVE NIPPLES PLEASE!?!?!" He repeated the last bit at the top of his voice at least 10 times despite me having my bra on by then! :dohh:


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Lucas asked me yesterday morning which animal lays apples :haha:
Apparently he's recently learned where eggs come from. I almost didn't want to ruin it by informing him that apples grow on trees!


----------



## Bevziibubble

When Holly saw daddy in the shower today, she announced 'I love daddy's boobies!' :rofl:


----------



## Natsku

I asked Maria if she wanted some melon and she said "No thanks, because I'm a zombie" she also told me that zombies eat little babies. She scares me a little :haha:


----------



## pandacub

When tucking him In a few nights ago
'Mummy, if you leave me alone I will die"

WHAT :|


----------



## FAB mama

pandacub said:


> When tucking him In a few nights ago
> 'Mummy, if you leave me alone I will die"
> 
> WHAT :|

Oh gosh, I don't think I'd have been able to leave the room! Even if it is just one of those things toddlers say!


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Lol these are hysterical!

We are expecting DS #2 in October. I will have a c-section, and we explained to DS#1 what this meant. Then the other day we took him to a "big siblings class" in our hospital. (He is 4 years old.) As we walked in the door, he started LOUDLY announcing to the staff that we were there to, "Cut Davis outta Mama's belly so he can be my brother!" (Lol he was quite disappointed to learn that was NOT happening right then.)

Lol he has also repeatedly told people that after the doctor takes the baby out of my belly, they will sew a zipper in and zip me back up. Lol I really don't know how he came up with that part!


----------



## pandacub

FAB mama said:


> pandacub said:
> 
> 
> When tucking him In a few nights ago
> 'Mummy, if you leave me alone I will die"
> 
> WHAT :|
> 
> Oh gosh, I don't think I'd have been able to leave the room! Even if it is just one of those things toddlers say!Click to expand...

I know, I did sit on his bed for a little bit after that!


----------



## Bevziibubble

This evening, I heard Holly in the spare room talking like she was having a conversation. I called 'who are you talking to, Holly?' And she shouted back 'a wall!' :rofl:


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Bevziibubble said:


> This evening, I heard Holly in the spare room talking like she was having a conversation. I called 'who are you talking to, Holly?' And she shouted back 'a wall!' :rofl:

LOL! She has probably heard before, "Girl, you could talk to a brick wall!" 

That is too cute lol!


----------



## CloverMama

My DD (2 1/2 years) and I read together A LOT. One day we were reading Eric Carle's "Very Hungry Caterpillar" and we got to the part where the caterpillar goes into the cocoon. I asked her how long the caterpillar stayed inside for and she replied, "Until he had to go potty!" 

Usually she just repeats my question until I answer, and then we go on reading, but this caught me so off guard...I laughed so hard!


----------



## no drama mama

My daughter had a poop in her diaper when she got up one day last week. As I was changing her bum, she flung her legs wide open and yelled "open sesame!". lol


----------



## SoBlessedMama

no drama mama said:


> My daughter had a poop in her diaper when she got up one day last week. As I was changing her bum, she flung her legs wide open and yelled "open sesame!". lol

LOL!!! I think I would've been laughing too hard to change her!


----------



## no drama mama

SoBlessedMama said:


> no drama mama said:
> 
> 
> My daughter had a poop in her diaper when she got up one day last week. As I was changing her bum, she flung her legs wide open and yelled "open sesame!". lol
> 
> LOL!!! I think I would've been laughing too hard to change her!Click to expand...

I was in complete hysterics. I have no clue where she got that from either because it's not something that either of us say at all.


----------



## BabyMamma93

my cousin wrote on facebook yesterday about her son. it went like this:

He was in his bedroom, farting about, she walked in and he had nice clothes on, she could smell aftershave and he was gelling his hair 'What you getting ready for son?'
'Oh nothing just going to *oscars* to meet some girls'

LMAO i think hes about 10, maybe younger idk for sure..
not sure about the name *oscar* i cant remember the name just made one up LOL

its not exactly funny but i have to share this as its just too cute..
my other friend is away with her boyf, and son, they were walking down the beach when her son (3ish) came up to her and passed her a box with the cutest smile, she took the box and her boyf got on his knees, asked her to marry his and her little boy went 'please mummy'

soo cute..


----------



## Mumofboys87

My 4 year old has just started full time school and I asked him what his new head master was like. He replied very straight faced. "He's bald like granny". 
I nearly died laughing it was in middle of super market!!


----------



## SoBlessedMama

BabyMamma93 said:


> my cousin wrote on facebook yesterday about her son. it went like this:
> 
> He was in his bedroom, farting about, she walked in and he had nice clothes on, she could smell aftershave and he was gelling his hair 'What you getting ready for son?'
> 'Oh nothing just going to *oscars* to meet some girls'
> 
> LMAO i think hes about 10, maybe younger idk for sure..
> not sure about the name *oscar* i cant remember the name just made one up LOL
> 
> its not exactly funny but i have to share this as its just too cute..
> my other friend is away with her boyf, and son, they were walking down the beach when her son (3ish) came up to her and passed her a box with the cutest smile, she took the box and her boyf got on his knees, asked her to marry his and her little boy went 'please mummy'
> 
> soo cute..

That is so sweet!!!!

Lol the other morning my little boy woke up and got out of bed. I was in our living room, and he came in and crawled up on my lap. As soon as he got up there, he crawled down and started walking back down the hall. When I asked where he was going, he said, "I gotta go brush my teeth. I think there is a dragon in there, and it smells bad."

Lol I guess that was the first time he had noticed, "morning breath."


----------



## HappyAnjeL

I woke up the other morning to Abby yelling "Mommmy No go that way!!" in her sleep...

When she actually woke up I asked her what she wanted for breakfast and she replied "Cereal and Meatballs"

that night she was playing with star shaped sticky notes and put one on DH said "Daddys a star" then put one on herself said "Abbys a star" then on the dog, said "Lola's a star" then put one on me and said "and mommy tries"


And then her latest excuse as to why she cant potty train is that her toilet is "for golf balls"


----------



## Natsku

The other morning Maria decided to explain to me what various animals eat:
dogs - poo
cats - fish
bears - pie
crocodiles - water
dinosaurs - mummy, Maria and Haha (OH)
zombies - people
mummy - vegetables to grow big and strong - ditto for Maria and Haha

A day later she decided that actually zombies eat their vegetables too to grow big and strong


----------



## SoBlessedMama

HappyAnjeL said:


> I woke up the other morning to Abby yelling "Mommmy No go that way!!" in her sleep...
> 
> When she actually woke up I asked her what she wanted for breakfast and she replied "Cereal and Meatballs"
> 
> that night she was playing with star shaped sticky notes and put one on DH said "Daddys a star" then put one on herself said "Abbys a star" then on the dog, said "Lola's a star" then put one on me and said "and mommy tries"
> 
> 
> And then her latest excuse as to why she cant potty train is that her toilet is "for golf balls"

LOL! "A" for effort, at least, Mommy! My DS used to tell me "Mama, you are my best friend. Daddy and I are just regular friends."


----------



## Kate&Lucas

HappyAnjeL said:


> I woke up the other morning to Abby yelling "Mommmy No go that way!!" in her sleep...
> 
> When she actually woke up I asked her what she wanted for breakfast and she replied "Cereal and Meatballs"
> 
> *that night she was playing with star shaped sticky notes and put one on DH said "Daddys a star" then put one on herself said "Abbys a star" then on the dog, said "Lola's a star" then put one on me and said "and mommy tries*"
> 
> 
> And then her latest excuse as to why she cant potty train is that her toilet is "for golf balls"

:rofl:


----------



## BabyMamma93

me niece just said to my brother..
"Dad, Mum is my favourite person but you are my girl okay Dad "
LMAO!!! shes 3


----------



## Bevziibubble

HappyAnjeL said:


> I woke up the other morning to Abby yelling "Mommmy No go that way!!" in her sleep...
> 
> When she actually woke up I asked her what she wanted for breakfast and she replied "Cereal and Meatballs"
> 
> that night she was playing with star shaped sticky notes and put one on DH said "Daddys a star" then put one on herself said "Abbys a star" then on the dog, said "Lola's a star" then put one on me and said "and mommy tries"
> 
> 
> And then her latest excuse as to why she cant potty train is that her toilet is "for golf balls"


Haha! :rofl:


----------



## AngelofTroy

OH commented "you can't pull the wool over Micah's eyes" about something, and Micah turned to me and tugged at his eyebrows! And said "I CAN pull a wool over my eyes! I CAN!" :haha:


----------



## SoBlessedMama

Not sure where this one came from--

"Mama! Smell my mouth! It smells like peanuts and Popsicles!"

(He had eaten neither peanuts nor Popsicles lol.)


----------



## Mummyxofx2

AngelofTroy said:


> Micah has taken to trying to pull people's heads off "like a lego man"... OH asked him why he couldn't manage to take his head off and Micah replied "too heavy, mummy do it"

Micah is very advanced with his speece hey!!! Well done Micah he sounds like such a little character


----------



## Wriggley

my OH had his graduation today.... he went off to get his robes on and when he came back our 3 year old looked at him and said 'wheres your wand daddy'? :rofl: he thought OH was playing wizard dress up lol


----------



## CloverMama

Today I was really annoyed with OH for going to take a nap and leaving me alone to deal with a cranky 2 year old, and a cranky 11 month old. Finally I'd had enough and asked my 2 year old, Lo, to go wake up Daddy. She poked her head around the corner, and yelled as loudly as she could "Hey John! Wake up!" (John is OH's name.) I laughed so hard.


----------



## Natsku

Today, completely out of the blue, Maria looked up at me and said "You big nerd" I cracked up and now she won't stop calling me that!

And earlier in the car she said "I'm getting ill mummy *cough* I've got a wrong throat" :haha:


----------



## BabyMamma93

LMAO. ^ reminded me of when my sister was younger, i always remember her saying 'Mum, ive got a throat'.. funnier when she said 'ouch mum, ive got a leg' i still laugh to this day.

another one of my Niece, she out makeup on her mum and then said 'there mummy, no ugly no more, pretty now'

my OHs sister bought her daughter a tracksuit for xmas and when it was delivered she asked her to try it on, the reply she got was '& you really think im going to wear that?' stormed off to try it on came back and said 'actually mum, erm, i.. i quite like it'

all i got for now i think


----------



## Natsku

Haha nice insult from your niece!


----------



## BabyMamma93

My nephew last week..
my brother noticed he was playing nicely with his sister so he said 
'oh tyler your playing nicely together for once'
to which my nephew replied
'yes bcos 'melia isnt being a little shit today'

well of corse my brother tried to hide his laughter and told him he shouldn't say that, so my nephew said 'well everyone calls her a little shit, so it cant be that bad'


----------



## Foogirl

HappyAnjeL said:


> that night she was playing with star shaped sticky notes and put one on DH said "Daddys a star" then put one on herself said "Abbys a star" then on the dog, said "Lola's a star" then put one on me and said "and mommy tries"

:rofl:

I was saying to my Abby "I'm such a terrible mummy, I totally forgot your play piece for play time, bad mummy"

She responded with "yes mummy but at least you try and that's what counts"


----------



## SoBlessedMama

BabyMamma93 said:


> My nephew last week..
> my brother noticed he was playing nicely with his sister so he said
> 'oh tyler your playing nicely together for once'
> to which my nephew replied
> 'yes bcos 'melia isnt being a little shit today'
> 
> well of corse my brother tried to hide his laughter and told him he shouldn't say that, so my nephew said 'well everyone calls her a little shit, so it cant be that bad'

Lol!!! I love this!! My grandmother used to call us this when we were being naughty, and it still cracks me up to hear anyone say it! She NEVER curses, so of course we always thought it was hysterical when she would say it. I would also have a very hard time not laughing if my DS said it. : )


----------



## Wriggley

today whilst walking home from the park we see a cat

Z: ohh look mummy a cat steal it for me pleeeeease!!!!!
Me: no darling we do not steal stealing is not good, we must not take what is not ours. if we do we get in trouble with the police
Z: Okay we best talk about it quietly then so the police dont hear

:/ :dohh: not quite what I meant darling!!!


The other day we were leaving MILs house. she lives down a really narrow road with a dead end. I was doing a turn in the road which is about a 7 point turn and I kept hitting the curb... LO in the back of the car pipes up 'cor mummy its like being on a fun fair ride!' :rofl: 

and finally last week we were in a restaurant. my mum has recently gotten ride of her car.

my mum: cor the bus fair cost £6.20!
Z: NO WAY!?!?!?!?!


----------



## MelliPaige

Ok so, i do not think this is funny at all..
Babysitting 3yo old niece overnight. I put her to bed and a little while later hear her crying and I go to check on her and she says there's a boogeyman in the closet and he's gonna get her for being mean to mommy (against my beliefs, but they use it as a scare tactic) I check in this closet only for her to scream it went under the bed. I check under the bed and say "nope! No boogeyman!" And she whispers "that's because he's behind you!" Omg!

Needless to say we all slept together in her mommys room lol


----------



## SoBlessedMama

MelliPaige said:


> Ok so, i do not think this is funny at all..
> Babysitting 3yo old niece overnight. I put her to bed and a little while later hear her crying and I go to check on her and she says there's a boogeyman in the closet and he's gonna get her for being mean to mommy (against my beliefs, but they use it as a scare tactic) I check in this closet only for her to scream it went under the bed. I check under the bed and say "nope! No boogeyman!" And she whispers "that's because he's behind you!" Omg!
> 
> Needless to say we all slept together in her mommys room lol

Holy crap lol! I don't think I would've slept a wink!!

My entire family went to an antique car show today, and DS ran around from car to car, so excited (he is 4 and LOVES cars.) My dad asked him if he liked a certain car, and he yelled, "oh yeah! It smells so good!" Lol and then the little goober spent the entire time running from car to car...asking to be held up to the window so he could smell the inside of the cars.


----------



## Foogirl

MelliPaige said:


> Ok so, i do not think this is funny at all..
> Babysitting 3yo old niece overnight. I put her to bed and a little while later hear her crying and I go to check on her and she says there's a boogeyman in the closet and he's gonna get her for being mean to mommy (against my beliefs, but they use it as a scare tactic) I check in this closet only for her to scream it went under the bed. I check under the bed and say "nope! No boogeyman!" And she whispers "that's because he's behind you!" Omg!
> 
> Needless to say we all slept together in her mommys room lol

:rofl:


----------



## Bevziibubble

MelliPaige said:


> Ok so, i do not think this is funny at all..
> Babysitting 3yo old niece overnight. I put her to bed and a little while later hear her crying and I go to check on her and she says there's a boogeyman in the closet and he's gonna get her for being mean to mommy (against my beliefs, but they use it as a scare tactic) I check in this closet only for her to scream it went under the bed. I check under the bed and say "nope! No boogeyman!" And she whispers "that's because he's behind you!" Omg!
> 
> Needless to say we all slept together in her mommys room lol

Omg! :haha: scary!


----------



## BabyMamma93

my brother came to my house yesterday with my niece & nephew, i haven't seen them in a while & in the car my brother told my nephew where he was going, so my nephew replied 'okay but what if she doesn't like me' when he got to my house he realised who i was of corse lmao..

i have 3 dogs and they were all upstairs, my niece could hear them and she asked me if she could go see my dinosaur... idk where that came from.. 

also talking to her mum and i said to my niece what you going to do with mummy's baby when shes born.. 'im going to put it in the bin'

she then told my brother he is her princess, he replied 'but why when im a boy'.. she then said with the biggest attitude going 'dont even talk to me, why are you talking to me?' and walked off..
they are soo funny


----------



## AngelofTroy

We viewed a house the other day and Micah seemed to love the garden, so afterwards I said to him "what was the best bit about that house?" expecting him to say the garden... No, he likes the lizard best! The guy who owns the house had a pet lizard! I tried to explain that the lizard belongs to the man and won't live with us, and Micah replied, and I quote: "they do! They will live in the chimney. They come out when I very very quiet' :wacko: no idea where he's got that from, but if we get that house I'll be thoroughly checking the chimney!


----------



## Natsku

He knows things you don't know... :rofl:


----------



## Sarah lo

Olivia is into old fashioned fairy tales at the moment and before bed tonight I told her the story of he 3 little pigs. I was starting to wonder if I'd made a mistake telling her such a scary story when she started shrinking back under the duvet as we got to the bit where the wolf was huffing and puffing. So when I got to the end I said something like "and the big bad wolf ran away and never tried to eat the little piggies again." I thought she'd be happy with that but instead she sat quietly for a minute and then looking really sad, she said "but poor wolf is hungry now, mummy"


----------



## SoBlessedMama

DS: "Mama, you're fun."

Me: "Thanks, buddy, you're fun, too."

DS: "Yeah...but Daddy is a party pooper."


----------



## Natsku

My 6 year old cousin just started preschool and has apparently fallen in love with two boys in her class. She can't decide between the two of them so she said that she's going to marry one, go live with him at their summer place and the other one will come too and live in the cowshed! :rofl:


----------



## AC1987

Referring to her sister as a dog the other day was pretty funny LOL

She says so many funny things lately!


----------



## Reidfidleir

I haven't been on this thread in a while. 
Thorrin is very conversational now. 
A month back or so he heard a plane as he was eating. "Plane? Plane?" Yes, it's a plane. Reaching spoon up in the air:"feed da plane?" Haha it was cute. 

Today was a classic. 
Thorrin went for a walk with dh down the railroad tracks (rarely used and certainLy not on Sunday) I guess he saw a weird shape and colored rock. He pointed it out and said "chicken poop? No. Train poop!"


----------



## Reidfidleir

Oh and sometimes when i tell him to go upstairs and say goodnight he'll say goodnight to everything haha. "Goodniiiiiiiiiiight. Good night toys! Good night stove!"
It happened again last week I asked him to say goodnight to his baby sitter. He ran up to her to give a hug and said "goodnight Sara!" *glancing down at her food* "GOODNIGHT SOUP!!!!!"


----------



## Natsku

Maria said to me yesterday "You're very weird Mummy" - she's quite observant really :haha:


----------



## HappyAnjeL

Tonight Abby was at my parents and my dad got out a bowl of ice cream. Abby walked over, took the bowl from my dad, Handed it to my mom with a "here Nana" turns to my dad very seriously and says "Papa, You're too fat." :shock: My parents thought it was hilarious, and I did tell her that it isn't nice but I'm not sure how much of that she got as my parents were laughing. Figures that they were just raving about how polite she was earlier today too :haha:


----------



## elensmile

My Kate (3 years old) consists she is a princess, and I can do nothing with it, just agree with her))


----------



## FAB mama

Not my child, but a little girl at the park came over to play with my son and looked at me and said "What's your brother's name?" 

I guess I look young?? I'm 30!


----------



## HappyAnjeL

FAB mama- I would be super pleased with that compliment!


----------



## BabyMamma93

it was my nanas party the other week, in the car my uncle said to my cousin, 'cj will be there with Malakai' my cousin said 'oh great ive not seen my brother in ages' they tried to explain he isnt his brother but he was having none of it, at the party i said to him 'well if Malakai is your brother, what am i to you?' 'your my sister' 'okay and what is sophie (my sister) to you 'shes my sister too' then my other cousin said to him 'and what am i' his reply was 'oh your nobody'
it was so funny..

before that he walked in (hes such a play station geek, only 7 i think and he loves playing games on the computer, games he shouldnt but anyway..) when i saw him i said 'twit twoo look at you' his reply was 'tut, i look like Franklin of gta' LOL what a freak


----------



## FAB mama

My son has a book about manners and each page has a scenario with the proper response&#8230;

Well the other day he burped very loudly and I said (like the book says) "You burped! What do you say?" He replied "No thank you."


----------



## sheldonsmommy

FAB mama said:


> My son has a book about manners and each page has a scenario with the proper response
> 
> Well the other day he burped very loudly and I said (like the book says) "You burped! What do you say?" He replied "No thank you."


Lol! I wonder if he was trying to find the right manner, or being cheeky? Kids are funny :)


----------



## Foogirl

Mummy, what were things like in the olden days, you know, just before I was born?


----------



## AngelofTroy

Foogirl said:


> Mummy, what were things like in the olden days, you know, just before I was born?

:haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Pointing to a bald teacher on a school advert: "mummy look, it's the Pope!" then when I explained it was a teacher, "but... He's not wearing a red T-shirt" ... After many questions from me he pointed out that his swimming teacher wears a red T-shirt.. So naturally all teachers must wear red T-shirts all the time!


----------



## MelliPaige

Babysitting 3yo niece and I *thought* she was napping so I went to the bathroom, and I hear a crash. And I immediately hear "it was me!"
Lol well at least she's honest!
(I have no clue how she did it but she managed to knock the tv off the stand!)


----------



## lindseymw

This morning I dropped my contact lense, whilst looking for it Jacob came in and asked what I was doing.

Me: Looking for my contact lense
Jacob: Oh no, you can't see
(I'm don't have that bad eyesight)
Me: Yes I can still see
Jacob: *holds fingers up* How many finger I have up
Me: Three
Jacob: No silly, I have two
He did in fact have three fingers up.

Walking home from school, Jacob spotted some white berries.
J: Look! Little eggs
Me: They are berries sweetheart
J: I'll call them eggs if I want to call them eggs
Me: Ermm ok but they are berries


----------



## Natsku

Maria really enjoys cracking the ice on top of puddles these last two days but today she started calling this fun activity "crack".... walking home with her from daycare with her saying loudly "But mummy, I want to find some more crack!" was quite embarrassing!


----------



## Marie000

Natsku said:


> Maria really enjoys cracking the ice on top of puddles these last two days but today she started calling this fun activity "crack".... walking home with her from daycare with her saying loudly "But mummy, I want to find some more crack!" was quite embarrassing!

:haha:

My daughter calls peanut butter "pot"
It's kind of funny to listen to her scream that she wants POT!!


----------



## Natsku

Marie000 said:


> Natsku said:
> 
> 
> Maria really enjoys cracking the ice on top of puddles these last two days but today she started calling this fun activity "crack".... walking home with her from daycare with her saying loudly "But mummy, I want to find some more crack!" was quite embarrassing!
> 
> :haha:
> 
> My daughter calls peanut butter "pot"
> It's kind of funny to listen to her scream that she wants POT!!Click to expand...

Haha toddlers today....bunch of junkies :haha:


----------



## jogami

We just adopted a dog from the spca as a playmate for our maltese. I decided to name him when I picked him up or he would have got a name like Smurf or Oominoomi or something. I named him Fox. I get home and tell the kids the dog's name. DS who is 4 says it perfectly. The girls who are not even 2 repeatedly say "Come here F*ck" Oops. I promptly changed his name to Patch.


----------



## Sarah lo

Apologies in advance, this one's a bit gross....

Olivia: mummy smell my fingers
me: yuck what's that?
Olivia: my bum.


----------



## Natsku

Sarah lo said:


> Apologies in advance, this one's a bit gross....
> 
> Olivia: mummy smell my fingers
> me: yuck what's that?
> Olivia: my bum.

:sick:


----------



## BabyMamma93

Sarah lo said:


> Apologies in advance, this one's a bit gross....
> 
> Olivia: mummy smell my fingers
> me: yuck what's that?
> Olivia: my bum.

LMFAO no way!! id of cried :haha:


----------



## Sarah lo

BabyMamma93 said:


> Sarah lo said:
> 
> 
> Apologies in advance, this one's a bit gross....
> 
> Olivia: mummy smell my fingers
> me: yuck what's that?
> Olivia: my bum.
> 
> LMFAO no way!! id of cried :haha:Click to expand...

By far the grossest thing she's ever done. :sick:


----------



## Gemmamuk

We were talking this afternoon about what to have tonight for dinner and decided to have fish and chips. Alex was going out with My OH to buy it. 
He walked out of the front door shouting 'I'm going to the pet shop to buy your dinner mum ok?' Ha ha!!!


----------



## Bevziibubble

Holly saw me taking a big pizza out of the oven last night and exclaimed 'Look mummy! A steering wheel!' :rofl:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Me: "you'll have to wait for Christmas"
Micah: "where's Christmas now then? Is it near the park?"

Also a few weeks after watching a Pingu episode where his sister is born, my friend was having a baby. 
Cue lots of questions like... 

"is she out of the egg now then?"
"did the doctor help her out with a spoon?" !! :shrug:
"is my friend's sister a penguin?"


----------



## Larkspur

Posted this as part of a response in another thread but thought it would probably be most appropriate here:

This morning my toddler kept telling me: "Daddy beeped the horn at a dog!" (something that happened yesterday, a dog wandered on the road and OH beeped at it to encourage it to get off the road). I was like, "Yes, uh-huh, yes, he beeped the horn. At the dog. Yup."

Obviously I wasn't paying this fact sufficient attention as he then started yelling: "DADDY A HORNDOG! DADDY A HORNDOG!" Thank god we were at home and not in a mall.


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah read a book where a boy's favourite toy got Christmas presents too so I asked him what his favourite toy would want for Christmas. Micah answered "he wants to share my jelly beans".. Very sweet I thought.. 

Then a couple of minutes later I overhear him playing with the toy and his Lego father Christmas and saying "what's that? You want your OWN jelly beans? Micah isn't sharing." :haha:


----------



## MrsPear

Joni was very insightful but needed confirmation of her observations this morning when eating breakfast.

"Mummy. Crumpets don't talk. Do they?"


----------



## Natsku

^^ :haha:


Maria said to me today that she wants to be a boy-band.... I didn't really know how to respond to that.


----------



## morri

I am asking lo if she knows where the phone is(she had it last)
she replies : yea
Me : where is it?
She: gone.


----------



## Bella1185

Not my DD (yet!) but I was babysitting my friends daughter who was about 4 at the time, and I was to go get her at her grandmas. 

As I walk in I can see the little girl repeatedly poking two fingers into her grandmas belly and laughing! Then all of a sudden she exclaims:

"Grandma, your tummy is like a bouncy house for my fingers!! It so fluffy!" :dohh: 

(To note - she had just gone to a birthday party where they had one of those inflatable slides and mats all the kids can jump on...maybe it was just fresh in her mind? :shrug:)


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Last night me and Lucas were arguing over vegetables while preparing dinner, I told him to shush and he came back with "shouldn't you be having witch and chips for your tea anyway?" ... He was calling me the dragon from Room on the Broom, the cheek! *

Then this morning he was getting ready for school..
"Sonny in school only has three stickers left to collect on his sticker chart, he's going to win"
"Aww I'm sure you'll catch up, how many do you have left?"
"Only sixteen!"


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah was given a nativity scene and I had to explain about what a manger is.. I don't think I did very well because Micah followed it with the question "so... Did the animals eat the baby Jesus then?" :haha:


----------



## Natsku

AngelofTroy said:


> Micah was given a nativity scene and I had to explain about what a manger is.. I don't think I did very well because Micah followed it with the question "so... Did the animals eat the baby Jesus then?" :haha:

:rofl:


----------



## Wriggley

AngelofTroy said:


> Micah was given a nativity scene and I had to explain about what a manger is.. I don't think I did very well because Micah followed it with the question "so... Did the animals eat the baby Jesus then?" :haha:

bahaha!!!


----------



## BabyMamma93

My niece said to her mum
'mum boys have widgys and girls have ham'
:haha: that's one way to put it i guess.


----------



## Natsku

I gave Maria a Finnish flag to wave around as its Independence Day today and she loves it which is nice but she keeps enthusiastically telling me "I love my beautiful fag!!" 

Not good pronounciation!


----------



## Larkspur

Today at nap time my toddler lovingly informed me he was going "chop Mummy up with a knife and eat Mummy. Chop Mummy's eyes, chop Mummy's nose, chop Mummy's arms, eat Mummy all up, yum!"

He later added he was going to chop and eat his room, his Duplo and his bed, so I am not too alarmed yet.


----------



## Natsku

Just after she finished doing a poo Maria asked this very important question..."Can I put my fingers in my bum?" :sick: :rofl:


----------



## Sarah lo

Olivia: Mummy I saw some eagles outside my nursery today.
Me: really? Eagles?
Olivia: yes they were flying round and round, sitting on nursery's roof and looking for something to eat. 
Me: are you sure they were eagles? What did they look like?
Olivia: big and white. They live at the beach.
Me: you mean SEAGULLS?
Olivia: yes, eagles.


----------



## HappyAnjeL

me: Abby come get dressed
Abby:Say please
Me: Please come get dressed
Abby: no. Good Job.

At the pet store asking what different animals are. She had said guinea pig, chinchilla, iguana, even cockatiel all right, we get to the ferret cage and she yells "ahh Snake Chinchilla!"


----------



## FAB mama

Sarah lo said:


> Olivia: mummy I saw some eagles outside my nursery today.
> me: really? Eagles?
> Olivia: yes they were flying round and round, sitting on nursery's roof and looking for something to eat.
> Me: are you sure they were eagles? What did they look like?
> Olivia: big and white. They live at the beach.
> me: you mean SEAGULLS?
> Olivia: yes, eagles.

Haha, my son is having trouble with the letter s now too. He brought me his snow globe the other day and held it up and said "no!" (Snow!)


----------



## HappyAnjeL

Playing with toy lipstick 

Me: Do you know where lipstick goes (puffing out my lips as a hint)
Abby: I stick it up my nose!


----------



## Kate&Lucas

This morning on the way to school I was chuckling away at Lucas and his little friend's conversation.

Friend: "Try and scare me"
Lucas: "Roar!"
Friend: "See? I've never been scared, I'm allergic."

Bless her :rofl:


----------



## Wriggley

HappyAnjeL said:


> Playing with toy lipstick
> 
> Me: Do you know where lipstick goes (puffing out my lips as a hint)
> Abby: I stick it up my nose!

:rofl: this made me giggle


----------



## Bevziibubble

LOL! :haha:


----------



## Natsku

Been taking Maria ice skating and today she told me "I don't know how to ice skate but I know how to fall"


----------



## Sw33tp3a

My Evie doesn't say much just yet but one of her favorite things to say. Is " alright alright alright" just like Matthew Mcconaughey. It hilarious.


----------



## pandacub

In the bath he pointed to his testicles and called them his 'willy bag' I told him what it was called and the next morning he was getting dressed and said 'these are my twinkles' :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Micah: "he's wearing a crown"
Me: "is he the king?"
Micah: "no! He's a queen!"
Me: "oh OK... Do you know the difference between a king and a queen?"
Micah: " Yeah! Queen starts with 'kwuh' and king starts with 'k'" :haha:


----------



## Natnee

Natsku said:


> I gave Maria a Finnish flag to wave around as its Independence Day today and she loves it which is nice but she keeps enthusiastically telling me "I love my beautiful fag!!"
> 
> Not good pronounciation!

Belle used to call them 'slags' !!!


----------



## Natsku

Natnee said:


> Natsku said:
> 
> 
> I gave Maria a Finnish flag to wave around as its Independence Day today and she loves it which is nice but she keeps enthusiastically telling me "I love my beautiful fag!!"
> 
> Not good pronounciation!
> 
> Belle used to call them 'slags' !!!Click to expand...

:haha:


----------



## OmarsMum

I was out with a friend and I was talking to her 15 month old little boy in a a baby-ish voice, Omar was annoyed and said " Mum can you stop being silly, you are an adult and this is really embarrassing"


When I ask him to do something over and over he says "can you please stop whining, I'm busy, I will do it when I'm done! "

Last month he asked me if he can make popcorn I said yes you can do whatever you want, he left the room running to his dad while jumping up and down in excitement while saying "this is the best day every yay, dad it's the best day ever mum said I can do whatever I want"


----------



## lola_90

Just got dressed up to go out for a family lunch 

"Mummy you look nice....you look nice and hungry"!!

Putting his finger in his nose and then wiping it on me 

"I guess I'm eating bogies now"!


----------



## AngelofTroy

Climbing where he shouldn't... 

Micah: "hellooo!!"
OH (not looking): hi Micah, I'm just talking to mummy a sec
Micah: but I'm being naughty!!! Look!!!! I'm climbing daddy say get down!!! Shout get dooooooowwwwwn!!!!!! Say it!!! 
:ROFL:


----------



## AngelUK

Dominic peeled his banana half way down and then said to me:
"Look mummy, the banana has testicles!" 
He meant tentacles! lol


----------



## m2010

Took Brennan to the shop this morning for some cereal & sweets:
"Mummy my hands are so red!"
"It's because they're cold, let me carry your sweets then you can put your hands in your coat pockets."
"Nah, I wanna see how red I can get em."

When my OH shaved the other day he said:
B:"Daddy why did you shave?"
OH: "Because my beard was getting too long and it was starting to get untidy"
B: "Oh okay. But you still have your belly beard."
(OH was topless at the time :haha:)


----------



## Marie000

"I want daddy to be naked with mommy" (as she was trying to pull my shirt off) 

I told her it would have to wait until she was gone to bed. :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Marie000 said:


> "I want daddy to be naked with mommy" (as she was trying to pull my shirt off)
> 
> I told her it would have to wait until she was gone to bed. :haha:

:rofl: Maybe her way of asking for a brother or sister?!!!


----------



## Kate&Lucas

This morning...

Me: "let's go have breakfast, our shopping came. And they gave us a free teatowel!"
Lucas: "why would you even tell me that? I don't play with teatowels."
Jeez. Sorry for boring you kid.


----------



## Sarah lo

Olivia and her toy rabbit came into my bedroom this morning while I was just finishing up feeding her little brother. 

Olivia: "Mummy its stinky in here"
Me: "is it?" Sniff sniff "I can't smell anything, what can you smell?"
Olivia: "iiiiits RABBIT POO!" 

Then she began hitting me, her brother and herself on the head with her rabbit whilst shouting "poo poo poo"


----------



## Natsku

I was in the middle of reading Maria her bedtime story last night when she suddenly declared "I love to kill!" 

She really disturbs me sometimes!


----------



## icklemonster

My 17 year old cousin bought her 1st proper boyfriend round my Nan's to meet the family. Charlotte decided to climb onto the sofa, stand beside my very self-conscious 17 year old cousin and jab the 3 big acne spots on her forehead saying 'Look, Dot, Dot, Dot' :shock:


----------



## m2010

"Mum, I love you even when you say I can't have chocolate but did you know that Grandma always gives me chocolate" ...?


----------



## m2010

OH was getting ready for work last night in our bedroom and B & I were sat on the bed folding up some clothes. OH came out of our bathroom without a shirt on & Brennan turned to me and said: "Why does Daddy always have show off his nipples?" :haha:


----------



## Marie000

Ariane was listening to music on her toy phone and suddenly started sniffing at the phone and said "mmmmmmm.... music smells gooooooood!"


----------



## bertamonica

Eric (looking at my huge bump): Mommy, what is my sister doing? 
Me: She is growing, and soon enough she will be big enough to come home to us. Do you want her to come home?
Eric: No, thank you!


----------



## Butterfly89

Everything my son says makes me laugh. He went from not even saying Mama at 13 months, to bursting out full sentences, and it's just hilarious. I have to give a bit of explanation... we spend a lot of time with my grandparents so he's picked up some funny older sayings that make him sound wise beyond his years lol. :) I can't tell how much he understands sometimes or if it's it's just coincidence but people don't believe me how funny he is til they meet him.

H: "Let's open the prano!"
Me: "Ok love, but what's a prano?"
H: *raises his hands* "Who knows?"
Me: "You're a funny guy."
H: "He's a keeper." 

The other day I told him to stop throwing his Cheerios on the floor, and he replies, "But Max say he want one." Max is our dog lol. 


We've been talking about super heroes a lot lately because his older cousins are very into Spiderman and Batman. He knows Spiderman "shoot webs". He mixes up Harry Potter and Captain America all the time though. We had this conversation the other day...

H: *wearing his dress up cape* Super baby! Up in sky!!! Cape man!
Me: Oh wow, super baby Cape Man is here. What are your super powers?
H: Stick out tum (tongue)... *shows me amazing trick*
Me: Amazing! What other powers do you have?
H: Make big messes.

And some randoms... "Chockit makes people happy!" (Chocolate)
"No skipping on the cat." (?)
"Get out my yard!" (Meaning leave me alone)
"Take off your shirt." (Randomly at the dinner table)


----------



## Smille24

Our 5 yr old just got a puppy for Christmas and refers to him as her baby brother. We are ttc #2 and wanted to know how she'd feel about a sibling. She said "but I have a baby brother already, it's Butterball". We asked her about a human sibling she responded "well if it's a boy, we can sell it because I don't need another brother and if it's a girl, I guess we can keep it".


----------



## spicyorange

My god son said this to me when I was newly pregnant (he didn't know)

Gs:...... if you ever had a baby, which you wont!?
Me: why do you think that?
Gs: Because your too thin

The boy likes to flatter..!


----------



## marielou11

My eldest DS (3)

Me: I'm not here just to tidy up after you!
DS: Well, what are you here for then?

"Mummy, when I get bigger I want to marry you because I love you _so_ much"


----------



## Abz1982

On bath night. 

Me" Ewey come on, bath time!"
Ewey "Butt Wash?" Whist shaking his naked butt at me..........Not sure where he got this from...


----------



## Natsku

Maria was pretending that a football was her baby today, carrying it around in a sort of sling she made. It fell out and she cried out dramatically "Oh no! My baby!"

And in the sauna we were talking about hunting and Maria said that she's going to get a gun and go shoot a moose, and then the moose won't eat her baby :rofl:


----------



## marielou11

Freddie came into our bed this morning and starting to poke my belly a bit. I asked him what he was doing, his reply was "Tickling the baby!"


----------



## spicyorange

My friend works in a daily posh area nursery, where the kids have nice stable homes and good up bringing, she overheard a kid on a play phone "I've told you, you're not the dad" puts down phone. LOL


----------



## BabyMamma93

My OHs niece is so funny, but im pretty sure im gona be n trouble soon..

she has a necklace and the last time she was seen wearing it was my house, so a couple days later the necklace dissapeared, she keeps accusing me of stealing it, then when it was found in the washer she said i put it there. then she hid her handbag in her toy kitchen and said 'Muuuuum, callie pinched my hand bag'

Her new thing this week;
on monday she was at home i had seen her on sunday, she walked up to her mum and said 'mum Callie keeps smacking me' then accused my OH of shouting at her.
shes then come into work to see me today & has a bruise on her face, apparently my OH did it, she did tell her mum it was me but bcos i was there she told a different story this time..

i shouldn't laugh but how she says it is just comical


----------



## Wriggley

my 4 year old has never had that much interest in drawing... occasionally he asks to draw and I sit with him and ask him to draw me different things but he likes to 'cut corners'

so the other day I said 'draw me a snail' so he draws a swirly circle. I say 'can you draw me his head' to which he replies 'no mummy its in his shell' :rofl:


----------



## Natsku

Last night, Maria was in bed but not asleep. We were listening to music in the lounge and the album ended and in that sudden moment of silence we hear Maria shout "Help me Father Christmas!" 

I asked her about it today and apparently her 'baby' was dead so she needed Father Christmas to come help....


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Last night...

"Can I put the Playstation on?"
"Yes love"
"Can I watch Fireman Sam?"
"Yes chicken"
*Massive sigh* "What was the point in naming me Lucas when nobody calls me it??"


----------



## Natsku

:rofl:


----------



## emyandpotato

We were leaving hospital today after my scan and a man had collapsed in reception so we had to almost step over him (doctors were attending to him, we weren't being heartless). LO looked the man up and down and went, very loudly, "he's dead". As if to say "move along now please this man is dead there is no use fussing. I have seen Dr Ranj I know what I'm talking about". He then proceeded to tell everyone who looked at him that the man was dead. The man was conscious the whole time. :dohh:

And on the way home he saw a man with dwarfism and was super star struck and pointed and said "look, hobbit!". I was so embarrassed! Luckily the man was lovely and said hi to him and waved.


----------



## Natsku

How embarrassing!


----------



## Wriggley

Z: I just burped with my mouth shut and my cheeks blew up 

:/


----------



## m nonie

Went for are dating scan a few days back, the midwife asked our wee man what he wanted to which he answered horse then when she said that he'd have to talk to us about a pony but want did he want the baby to be called his only reaction was neigh lol


----------



## VerbingNoun

Not sure if appropriate buuut
One day when my brother was itty bitty, we were setting up for Halloween (sort of a traditional thing we do at my grandma's.) My grandpa took a bag of candy for himself and then snatched a few more candies off the table. Then he wouldn't let us have anything. I said "grandpa you're a hoarder" and my brother replied "yeah grandpa, you're a [insert inappropriate word that starts with a W and ends with an E.]"

I started busting up. Took my mom a minute to catch on but nobody else caught what he said. Guessing he had never heard the word before but it was just unfortunate that they can sound so similar lol.


----------



## wifey29

&#372;hile getting myself dressed this morning DS1 suddenly gasped and exclaimed "wow mummy, your ninky (his word for his boy bits) is scruffy, I'll get my lawn mower!". Um, thanks for that son. I walked out of the bedroom to find DH doubled over laughing.


----------



## Miss Vintage

I was telling my son I didn't want to go to work this morning, and said 'boo and hiss'. He repeated this as 'booze and kiss'. Takes after his father, that one.


----------



## Mysunshine

It's actually not something my older son has said but still pretty funny! My son is 3.5 years old. My friend was visiting us, and DS came out and shooted that friend with a finger. He shooted back with his finger in return. And then DS fell down so naturally, like he had just been shot!


----------



## threebirds

My wee man isnt chatting yet but here's a favourite of mine about my niece. Sometimes it's not what they say but what they hear that stay with us :)

A few of the family were sitting in a room when someone said close the door there's a terrible draught in the hall. The poor wee thing looked terrified and concerned - she thought we'd said they was a terrible giraffe in the hall! :) (she was reassured there wasn't)


----------



## Marie000

My little girl usually has good pronunciation but this morning she kept telling me she wanted to "eat a dentist" I asked her "you want to eat a dentist?" and she said yes. I still have no clue what she meant. :shrug:


----------



## Natsku

4 year old logic - Maria knows that if she doesn't drink enough it will hurt when she does a wee. Well this evening, she was doing a poo and said 'My big bum hurts. I haven't eaten enough!"


----------



## x__amour

DD said to me while walking through the "female needs" aisle in the store (quite loudly!), "Mommy? Do you need more pillows for when you are bleeding?" :oops: :oops: :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## Sarah lo

x__amour said:


> DD said to me while walking through the "female needs" aisle in the store (quite loudly!), "Mommy? Do you need more pillows for when you are bleeding?" :oops: :oops: :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol:

:rofl: 

Could be worse though, a couple of weeks ago we were in the swimming pool changing room when my daughter very loudly asked me if I was going to put my nappy on for when my bum is bleeding. When I didn't answer (due to being left speechless by the original question), she proceeded to repeat the question two or three more times. :dohh::blush:


----------



## x__amour

Sarah lo said:


> x__amour said:
> 
> 
> DD said to me while walking through the "female needs" aisle in the store (quite loudly!), "Mommy? Do you need more pillows for when you are bleeding?" :oops: :oops: :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol:
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> Could be worse though, a couple of weeks ago we were in the swimming pool changing room when my daughter very loudly asked me if I was going to put my nappy on for when my bum is bleeding. When I didn't answer (due to being left speechless by the original question), she proceeded to repeat the question two or three more times. :dohh::blush:Click to expand...

Omg! :rofl:


----------



## Bevziibubble

Haha! :haha:


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Putting coconut oil on Lucas's bum cheek eczema the other night and I told him to pull his pants back up.
"Please you pull them up, I don't want to"
"Lucas just do it they're your pants"
"But you bought them!"


----------



## Wriggley

Yesterday my 4 year old son noticed his skateboard teacher has got her tongue pierced 

Z: what's that on your tongue 
*she shows him the piercing*
Z: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW that's DISGUSTING!!!!!! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! 

:shock:


----------



## BabyMamma93

My auntie had my cousin over night a few years back, she woke up and took her pill, he was at the age where he will not give up till he knows and understands what they are, so he asked her 'what is that your eating'
'oh they are my sweets i need to have one every morning' 'well can i have one of your sweets' 'no these sweets are just for grown up girls' so later on that day he phoned his mum for a chat when he said 'mummy you do know Kelly is on drugs dont you? she has sweets on a morning just for grown ups' it was soo funny, but not funny at the same time


----------



## Aphrodite

There's a boy jack goes to pre school with who is exceptionally tall for his age. My jack said, he must have had loads of birthdays because he just keeps growing and growing!!


----------



## Butterfly89

I can't stop laughing at these posts!!

Yesterday my son told me at dinner (we were having tuna melts on crumpets which he usually loves) "Can't eat it." And I asked him why. He replies "It swears at me." Haha oh goodness. The reason he even knows what swearing is would be the lovely TV.  His dad decided to tell him "don't say that, don't swear" but I think ignoring it is more helpful at 2 lol!


----------



## Natsku

I was teaching Maria the peace sign yesterday and then mentioned that she shouldn't do it with the back of the hand facing out as its offensive. She then said "I can do it though if you're not looking" :rofl:


----------



## Bevziibubble

LOL Maria! :rofl:


----------



## CrazyMumma

Talking to Miss 5 about the baby

"what if the baby stays in there forever?" 
I said it cant do that it will get to big to fit in my tummy and she responded 
"if baby stays in there forever it will grow up to your head and come out your nose!" :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Me: Let's go upstairs and change your nappy 
Micah: no, you should change me DOWNstairs, don't you know the rules?! :haha:
Me: *laughing* Rules aren't like that Micah, rules are made by a family together 
Micah: no, but it is MY rule and you have to do it
Me: it's not a rule Micah
Micah: uh huh it IS but do you KNOW them though? You need to remember them and that's NO changing nappies upstairs 

:dohh:

Also he brought my face cream to OH and said, "look daddy, I've got mummy's Monster Wider!" (he'd misheard 'moisturiser'!!) :rofl:


----------



## HappyAnjeL

This morning I woke up to DD in my face saying
"mommy Lola (our dog) wants dunkin donuts." (It's a coffee and doughnut place)


I was busy with a friend over while she was playing with her train set
DD:"Mommy, look at Henry.. Mommy I talk to you"
Me: I heard you. just give me a minute baby
DD: " Mommy what the f**k you doing?"
Not sure if that counts as funny things she's said, I was horrified.. my friend couldn't stop laughing. DD had heard the F word months ago and used it a couple times, but we made no big fuss just said that's not a nice word, and she eventually stopped saying it.. Until today!

Then we went to the park and she walked over and sat with a group of kids eating lunch at a picnic table.. Abby told their teacher her name then she said "I spit out toast on daddy's leg"


----------



## icklemonster

We went to a big local park and I needed a wee. As it was BH Monday the park was busy and there was a queue for the toilet. It was finally mine and Charlotte's turn. Firstly she did he wee and congratulated herself with 'well done bottom'. Then I sat down to do a wee and Charlotte shouted at the top of her voice 'HOOORAAAAY MUMMY, YOU'RE DOING A POOOOPOOOOO'
Was a little embarrassed walking out to wash our hands!!


----------



## Thurinius

My 2 year old has an unfortunate pronunciation of horse, it comes out as whore.
So lots of mortifying 'look mummy big black whore'
And his brother's book on horses is 'Samuel's whore book'


----------



## Natsku

Maria was singing a nonsense song this morning. That's fair enough but every other word in her nonsense song was "fuck" :rofl: She really didn't realise it was a word, just was rhyming sounds and clearly liked the sound of that one!


----------



## AngelofTroy

Natsku said:


> Maria was singing a nonsense song this morning. That's fair enough but every other word in her nonsense song was "fuck" :rofl: She really didn't realise it was a word, just was rhyming sounds and clearly liked the sound of that one!

:haha: Micah was telling me all about 'fucking' his thumb yesterday.. He normally pronounces his S perfectly but something about the S and the TH must confuse him!


----------



## Natsku

AngelofTroy said:


> Natsku said:
> 
> 
> Maria was singing a nonsense song this morning. That's fair enough but every other word in her nonsense song was "fuck" :rofl: She really didn't realise it was a word, just was rhyming sounds and clearly liked the sound of that one!
> 
> :haha: Micah was telling me all about 'fucking' his thumb yesterday.. He normally pronounces his S perfectly but something about the S and the TH must confuse him!Click to expand...

:rofl:


----------



## Natnee

I asked Belle what she wanted for tea yesterday, and she wanted pasta bake. 

So then proceeded to make up a little song and prance all round the room singing 'pasta bake, masta bake, pasta bake, masta bake' The made up bit sounded like something else! Me and OH were in stitches!!


----------



## pandacub

Jacob the other day
"Sometimes girls don't like to be called lovely, do they? Sometimes they like to be called Gorrrgeous!" &#128514;


----------



## AngelofTroy

Daddy: "gotcha nose!"
Micah: "I've still got my nose because I can smell my SMELLY daddy!" 

:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Neferet

The other day, Isaac said to his teacher 'look- my mummy has bits of her face missing'. He meant the 3 denty scar things on my face from when I had chickenpox lol

Also, this isn't about my kid, it's about my 8 year old brother... Basically my mum went to pick him up from school and the teacher went to her 'Congratulations- H said he's going to have a brother'. My mum was like 'huh?' and then my little brother said 'yeahh... I'll have a brother when Charli (me) gets married to Dan (my bf). The teacher thought my mum was expecting a baby lol.


----------



## Kate&Lucas

This morning Lucas was up and dressed before I'd even dragged myself out of bed. I told him I was so tired I felt sick and he said "maybe you're going to die. Sometimes people get sick and then they die."
Oh gee, thanks honey :wacko:


----------



## emyandpotato

Rory was freestyle twerking to some music (really) and I asked him if he'd like to go to dance classes with some other children and learn to dance. He thought about it and said he would, but he would prefer to go to Spiderman classes to learn to be Spiderman.


----------



## Natsku

OH was laying down a punishment for Maria for crossing the road without looking for cars (I was right behind her, she ran across and a car was coming :growlmad: ) and told her that she's banned from the park (that's across the road) for 3 days.... she tried to argue it and demanded 4 days instead :rofl: 

She has not got the hang of negotiation yet!


----------



## ClaireMommaB

Yesterday:

Me: Can you tidy up your toys a bit? I'm not here to tidy up after you, you know.
DD: What?? Well what are you here for then?

Thanks, kid.


----------



## BabyMamma93

ClaireMommaB said:


> Yesterday:
> 
> Me: Can you tidy up your toys a bit? I'm not here to tidy up after you, you know.
> DD: What?? Well what are you here for then?
> 
> Thanks, kid.

my OH's niece was over the other day, it was just me her and M in the living room, she came to me and said 'i want to get the dinosaurs out' i told her 'i want never gets' she threw a huff and then asked why cant she play with them, i told her.. 'because i cant be bothered cleaning up all the mess' so her reply was 'but.. thats what you have to do when your big'

i then told her i want to be small, she told me im not allowed to.


----------



## morri

it is an airplane, it goes high, high up into the sky. ... and splat!


----------



## Neferet

Isaac just said 'if you went to the beach and drowned in the sea would it be a nightmare or a trip to the beach?'


----------



## emyandpotato

Crying during a contraction and LO turns round and said "don't have the baby mummy, doctor's not here yet".


----------



## emyandpotato

emyandpotato said:


> Crying during a contraction and LO turns round and said "don't have the baby mummy, doctor's not here yet".

Okay irony got me here as a few hours after I wrote this he actually did show up before doctors/midwives arrived :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Reading his space book I asked him "so you see, we call a meteor like that a 'shooting star', would you like to see one?" and he replied looking at me very concerned, "um... Yeah... OK.. But don't they sometimes... Make us die? Like dinosaurs?"


----------



## Natsku

"Mummy did you know that a long time ago, a very very long time ago when everyone died, there were lots of chewing gum shops"

Also Maria described her utopia to us the other day "it would be really nice if everyone was little and there were no grown ups and we were just all little and there wouldn't be any bedtimes and we'd eat ice lollies"


----------



## hayz_baby

Mummy I did a big poo.. I eat food and it goes down down down then.. *turns round and points at bum*...*makes demonstrative pushing noises*

Thank you


----------



## Wriggley

the other night i was taking off my make up and Z my 4 year old says 'yeah you dont need to look pretty in bed' :/


----------



## AngelofTroy

Talking about our upcoming week away... 
Micah: are we camping again?
Me: no we are staying in a house 
Micah: are we taking our house? :haha:


----------



## BabyMamma93

OH neice:

'Um i just did a poo on your garden floor'

nice!! thanks!


----------



## Sarah lo

Olivia was telling me all about how she is looking forward to being a grown up one day.

I asked her what was the one thing she was most excited about being able to do when she's a grown up.... 

"being able to switch the light on without having to stand on a chair" of course. 

Such an ambitious child! :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Sarah lo said:


> Olivia was telling me all about how she is looking forward to being a grown up one day.
> 
> I asked her what was the one thing she was most excited about being able to do when she's a grown up....
> 
> "being able to switch the light on without having to stand on a chair" of course.
> 
> Such an ambitious child! :haha:

Micah's answer to that question was "SHARP THINGS!!"


----------



## Wriggley

AngelofTroy said:


> Sarah lo said:
> 
> 
> Olivia was telling me all about how she is looking forward to being a grown up one day.
> 
> I asked her what was the one thing she was most excited about being able to do when she's a grown up....
> 
> "being able to switch the light on without having to stand on a chair" of course.
> 
> Such an ambitious child! :haha:
> 
> Micah's answer to that question was "SHARP THINGS!!"Click to expand...

Haha I told z he couldn't go in the cutlery draw as there are sharp knifes in there and his reply was 'but I play with knifes at nursery' :haha: (they learn tools during their forest school session - z can use a drill and saw to make beads to use for making bracelets)


----------



## Bella1185

At the grocery with DD and of course I get the one squeaky cart that has a wonky wheel - it gets stuck on a piece of lettuce and makes a rumbling noise and DD clasps her little hands together, smiles soooo big and exclaims (at the top of her lungs):

"MOMMY TOOTED!!!!" and then laughed hysterically.

Literally every single person in the produce section turned and looked! Ack! Her dad has been teaching her this and thinks it's equally as funny.


----------



## Kians_Mummy

My stepmum gave birth to my baby brother almost 2 weeks before i gave birth to DD. I've been over there quite a bit lately to see my 2 brothers with my DS. L (whose 9 weeks old) and S (who is 8 years old).

The other day Ds(4.5yrs old) asked what the difference was between a boy & a girl. So while changing DD I showed him and explained. He then went on to say "Mammy eat a seed and a baby will grow in your tummy and you can have a baby boy like Grandma". Tried explaining Mammy and Daddy doesn't want any more babies. So he then said...

"Mammy instead of having a baby can we take Layla-Grace to the hospital so they can put a willy on her"

I couldn't help but laugh!


----------



## Natsku

Maria was asked by a nurse the other day if she is a very good girl (they were having a conversation about Father Christmas) and Maria replied "No, I'm quite naughty actually"


----------



## AngelofTroy

I had to change a sanitary pad today in the public toilets, in the stall next to my MIL, Micah exclaimed incredibly loudly: "Oooo that's one of your lady tabs, so you're going to have a baby now? Hmm shall I have a brother or a sister do you think? " :haha:


----------



## nevernormal

Finally I get to post. Haha. For some reason my son has taken to saying "duck" with an 'f' instead of a 'd'. Sometimes when I try to get him to saw a word, I will say like "yuh (the sound of 'y'), yuh, yellow" "duh, duh, duck". Etc. Well he was getting upset with me trying to get him to say duck correctly so I tried a different strategy (since he CAN say a D sound!) and said "Daddy, daddy, duck". And so... "Daddy f***" began. And then of course I couldn't help but laugh and he continued. I wish I had thought that one through!


----------



## BabyMamma93

my LB has started saying (or at least making noises that sounds like words) 2-3 word sentences, he will throw his ball and ask where, say its there etc.
so the other day we was playing in the garden, i threw his ball to him and asked him where, so he looked at me and pointed at it saying 'its there' so after repeating it a few times i said to him 'go get it then' he looked in disgust and said 'get it nen (then)' i was shocked, surely a 16 month old did not say that?? i do like to think he does although i do know its a noise or mumble sounding like words, but thats how they learn huh?


----------



## ~Brandy~

For whatever reasons my twin girls have decided that their names are momma. Whenever you ask either one what their name is they point at their chest and say I am momma. 

Probably mimicking something I did to teach them my name... But now it's been going for months!


----------



## Sarah lo

~Brandy~ said:


> For whatever reasons my twin girls have decided that their names are momma. Whenever you ask either one what their name is they point at their chest and say I am momma.
> 
> Probably mimicking something I did to teach them my name... But now it's been going for months!

LOL

My DD used to think her name was "no" :blush:


----------



## Girly922

We have a dog called Murphy, he was out in the garden. DD stood at the patio doors shouting "Murphy, where are you Murphy? I see your bed". 

I'm not sure what seeing his bed has anything to do with finding him, but her sentences are coming on pretty well :haha:


----------



## Marie000

We were out camping this weekend, in southern Ontario, Canada. My daughter was really happy to go walk in the forest because she wanted to see animals. More precisely, she was looking at the zebras. When I asked her where they were, she said they were hiding in a tree. She's really good with naming animals... she just doesn't always understand where they live. :haha:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Sitting on the toilet, "oh but can't I just wee into a spoon and pour it in instead? "


----------



## Bevziibubble

Holly was sitting next to my MIL eating dinner. When they had finished, Holly poked my MIL's stomach and said 'you look a bit full Nanny!' :dohh: :rofl:


----------



## BabyMamma93

i was cuddling my LO the other day when he said 'hiya doggy'
thanks kid!!


----------



## icklemonster

On the way home from Charlotte's new pre-school I thought I'd nip into the village bakery over the busy lunchtime. Charlotte was strapped in her pushchair and asked to get out. I said no as we were only going to be a couple of minutes and at the top of her voice shouted, 'no you, let me out right now, you silly sausage!!'
One of the Mum's from pre-school had followed me in and couldn't stop laughing...


----------



## Kate&Lucas

Lucas and I were baking earlier and had this genuinely bizarre exchange..

*Pulls out bag of light brown sugar*
L: Ooh, is this the Chinese sugar?
M: Huh?
L: *Clapping his hands together* Yay! I love Chinese sugar!
M: What? This is just brown sugar. What makes you think it's Chinese? (Thinking at this point it was because I'd been the Chinese supermarket the other day..)
L: You know, because of the colour of it. That's the same colour as Chinese people so it's their's.
M: What!??
L: That's right! And our sugar is white like our skin so it's ours! That's the way it goes!

I corrected him after a very confusing couple of minutes but I forgot to ask him... How the bloody hell does he think sugar is made???


----------



## Bevziibubble

Holly: what are those mummy? (Points to ear plugs at side of bed)
Me: they're for mummy for when daddy snores. 
Holly: to put up his nose?

Now that's not a bad idea! :rofl:


----------



## AngelofTroy

Bevziibubble said:


> Holly: what are those mummy? (Points to ear plugs at side of bed)
> Me: they're for mummy for when daddy snores.
> Holly: to put up his nose?
> 
> Now that's not a bad idea! :rofl:

:rofl:


----------



## AngelofTroy

"Does peanuts have peas AND nuts in?"


----------



## apple_20

AngelofTroy said:


> "Does peanuts have peas AND nuts in?"

Genius


----------



## emyandpotato

Out for day yesterday and Rory came out with "Look dat woman hab big boooooobies" to the whole cafe, whilst pointing out said boobies.


----------



## tallybee

This was a few years ago now but the best one was my dd walking in on me in the bath, looking over me and going "mummy, why do you have such long boobs?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her it was a lot to do with feeding her and her brother:lol:


----------



## apple_20

Had the radio on today 5 seconds to summer 'she's kinda hot' came on, the lyrics 'we're alright though' repeat.

My son comes out with 'it's a rhino song!' He thought they were singing 'we're a rhino!'


----------



## Sarah lo

Putting Olivia to bed last night, she moved up so I could sit down to read her a story and said "here you go mummy, have I made enough room for your giant bottom?" &#128558;


----------



## MummyMana

"can you wipe your face please?"
"no thanks!"
"I'm not asking you I'm telling you"
"and my saying no thanks!"


----------



## Natsku

Maria suddenly said in the car yesterday "I looooove animal skeletons"


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## AngelofTroy

We passed this sign at the end of the motorway: 

https://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g304/Melon1687/end-of-motorway_zps7blqxoer.jpg
Micah said "Mummy, there's a sign there that says leave your Lego men's legs here on the side of the road, the red line means NO. No Lego legs past this point."


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## emyandpotato

I was feeding Felix in the baby change in town and Rory handed me two plastic frappe lids he'd picked up and went "here mummy, for your boobies, I got them for you". :haha:
 



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## Bevziibubble

'Are you trying to hold the baby in because it's not Christmas yet mummy?' 

Yes I think I'll just let him out on Christmas Day :rofl:


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## AC1987

My 3 year old is hilarious!! I honestly had no idea kids could say such funny things!!

This morning I asked her what she was doing to a pillow and she replies "I'm folding it up, then I'll smash it into a tree, you'll be happy to know your insurance rates will be going up" :haha::haha::haha:

I know she is quoting some commercial LOL


----------



## PugLuvAh

My son is 3 (almost 4) so saying 'poo poo' and "pee pee" is hilarious and we've been having to talk about how these are bathroom words and not appropriate to use all the time.

My mum, son and I were driving home one night and my mum asked me about my second son who had been sick. She asked me how his poos were and if his poos were loose. My son interrupts us:

Son (very seriously): grandma, poo is a bathroom word
Grandmda: yes it is 
Son: and where are we grandma?
Grandma: uh....???
Son: We're in the car grandma. When you say a word like poo, you only use it in the bathroom. Not the car, because its a bathroom word. I'm not mad about it, just don't do it again. ok grandma? 

My mum and I laughed so hard over his little lecture, it is completely what his dad and I say to him! hahahaha!


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## Sarah lo

**WARNING** bad mummy alert &#9888; the faint hearted need not read any further :haha: 

Very late for school this morning and as we were getting out of the car, my 4 year old finds some chocolate buttons that she dropped down the side of her car seat last week. She wants to eat them, they've been on the seat for a week. She's not sure so she looks up at me, her number one female role model, for guidance. We're in a hurry so at this point I will do or say just about anything if it means it will get her out of the car and into school any quicker so I look around to make sure nobody is watching and I give her the nod. She grabs the chocolate off the seat and comes bounding out of the car and into school. Result! :happydance:

So when we get into the cloak room, the chocolate is long gone of course, and as she's taking of her coat she whispers in my ear "mummy please don't tell my teacher I was eating chocolate at school" 

Kid, there is precisely zero chance I am going to tell your teacher I allowed you to eat week old car seat chocolate at 9am :rofl:

Instead, I said "ok, I won't tell if you don't tell" :winkwink:


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## AngelofTroy

Me: "do you need any help getting dressed?"
Micah: "no I'm OK, I've got my maternity trousers on" 

Elastic waists just like mummy haha


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## NeverBackDown

No stories yet, since I'm currently pregnant. But I told my mom this joke when I was about 4. 

Me: "If people put money in people banks, where do fish put fish money?"

Mom: "I don't know,where baby?" 

Me: "River banks!" &#128514;


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## Natsku

I overheard Maria talking to the cat last night

"Charlie, please will you come into my room"

Pause

"I don't want to sleep all by myself!"

Longer pause

"Thank you Charlie"

She's so bloody polite to the cat but not to me! :haha:


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## Babybump87

Was showering the other day and my littlw girl walks in(just turned three) points to me and says boobies and walks out!. 

I didn't even know she could say boobies!!


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## Bevziibubble

I told Holly to stop bouncing around on the bed and she said 'in case I break James and we have to buy a new baby?' :rofl:


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## pandacub

On the way to school last week...

'I don't want to go to school today'
'Don't worry, it's only a few weeks until Easter!'
'I'm not getting an egg though'
'Of course you are'
'No I won't, no one will buy me one!'
'I will, and nanny will and I'm sure lots of other people too'
'Yeah... Well... My nose hurts and no one even cares!'

Ok then :haha:


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## AngelofTroy

Micah: "Look Mummy I made a Lego jail, but in case he gets out I've put it in this black box so that he can't see... and then I've put this shark in the box so if he does get out then the shark will eat him"

I think we're raising a potential Bond villain XD


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## Kate&Lucas

Lucas was choking up with tears last night..

"What's wrong?"
"I've just seen so many sad things in my life"
"Like what?"
"Like on Toy Story when Woody was really mean to Buzz!" *sobs*
"Ok..."
"That's not all! Remember that time you tickled me too hard?" *more sobs*

He cried for two hours :neutral:


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## Natsku

Drama queen!


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## AngelofTroy

Kate&Lucas said:


> Lucas was choking up with tears last night..
> 
> "What's wrong?"
> "I've just seen so many sad things in my life"
> "Like what?"
> "Like on Toy Story when Woody was really mean to Buzz!" *sobs*
> "Ok..."
> "That's not all! Remember that time you tickled me too hard?" *more sobs*
> 
> He cried for two hours :neutral:

:rofl:


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## Bevziibubble

Holly: it's annoying when babies cry and children can't hear Peppa Pig. 
Well that's James told! :rofl:


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## Spudtastic

My daughter suddenly gets up and rushes put of the room whilst I'm breastfeeding her baby sister.

Me: Where are you going?
Dd: Toilet
Me: Do you need a hand?
Dd: No thanks Mum. I have two.


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## icklemonster

Charlotte "here you go Mummy"
I take thing out her hand and closely inspect it. "Urgh well it looks like a giant bogey, where did you get it?"
"From my nose, Mummy"
Brilliant.


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## Bevziibubble

My MIL recently bought a sand egg timer and Holly loves it and keeps playing with it. She said she wanted one of her own, so I told my DH that she wanted him to buy her one:

DH: Holly, I'll buy you an egg timer if you give me a kiss. 
Holly: ok! (Gives daddy a kiss). 
DH: ok, I'll buy you an egg timer. 
Holly: oh daddy, I WISH we had a trampoline in the garden! 

I love how she tried her luck with that one!


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## MummyMana

(about her nail varnish)
Imogen: I the wind blew it off!
Me: I think you picked it off
Imogen: why? 
Me: because you're doing it right now 
Imogen: hmm... So I am...


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## .Mrs.B.

Leon peeling his easter egg wrapper off while walking around;
Me: "I hope you're going to put the bits of wrapper in the bin"
Leon: "No, I need to leave a trail otherwise bubba wont know where to find me"
:/


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## AngelofTroy

OH: I'd love to swim in trifle 
Micah: what's trifle
Me: it's a pudding like a cake with fruit and jelly and cream
Micah: no... Because, daddy.. *looks at OH like he's incredibly stupid* cakes are very small... And we are very much bigger.


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## AngelofTroy

"Everybody has a willy, except mummy... She has just a hole.. But it's hided in her fur.."


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## Bevziibubble

LOL Micah! :rofl:


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## .Mrs.B.

AngelofTroy said:


> "Everybody has a willy, except mummy... She has just a hole.. But it's hided in her fur.."

Lol, that's hilarious. I hope he didn't say it in public.


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## .Mrs.B.

Leon: "Shall we play I Spy while we're driving?"
Me: "OK, you can go first"
Leon: "I spy with my little eye something that begins with A"
Me: "Is it an apple?"
Leon: "Is it?"
Me: "You tell me"
Leon: "But I don't know what begins with A"


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## Bevziibubble

Holly - Mummy! Chocolate milk! Now! 

Me - *shocked face* Umm, NO! 

Holly - Not with that kind of attitude? 

:rofl:


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## Sarah lo

"mummy I have good news and bad news...

The bad news is I fell off the zip-line at the park today and hurt my finger." 

*shows me finger with plaster on

"the good news is I can do the zip-line all by myself" 

:dohh:


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## Kate&Lucas

"Lucas you need to concentrate better at school today, your teacher said you're not doing any of your work"
"I am concentrating, that's why I'm not doing the writing!"
"Well just write down anything so your teacher can see you've done it"
"I can't just write anything! It has to be really good! What if they show it to the QUEEN?!"

Well yeah fair play, didn't think of that :dohh:


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## RainbowDrop_x

DD1 was doing colouring with felt tips in the Easter holidays and she must have dropped one and sat on it for a prolonged period because when she stood up I noticed she had a big red splodge on her trousers, right on the butt. 

When she first stood up and I glanced it looked like blood so I panicked a little and said "Olivia is that blood on your bum" to which she turned around, ever so calmly in an attempt to see before looking me square in the eye and saying "ooh do I need to go and put one of your pads on" :rofl:


----------



## Miss Vintage

We were talking about what jobs me and my partner do

Me: what do you think you'd like to do when you grow up?
L: I will go to work and have something to eat, then come home early :rofl:


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## lxb

2.5 yo...

"A for Apple... Ah ah Apple"
"A for Ball.. Bh bh Ball"
"A for Jungle.. jh jh Jungle!"

it's A for everything :haha:


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## Bevziibubble

Holly: did you have TVs when you was little?


I'm not sure how old she thinks I am! :cry: :rofl:


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## Kate&Lucas

Lucas: "did you know I'm an Indian?"
Me: "you're not Indian..."
Lucas: "I am! Da (granddad) is, so I am"
Me: "Da is from the West Indies"
Lucas: "yes! That means I am too. And that means I love mangoes"
Me: "ok but you hate mangoes"
Lucas: "no, I love them now!"

*Fast forward 24 hours*
Lucas: "what's for dinner?"
Me: "chicken and mango, I made it specially"
Lucas: "ugh, I hate mangoes!"

*headdeskheaddeskheaddesk*


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## lxb

My 2.5 year old pointed to the lady living across from our house 

"I think that's not your mommy". (She meant that's not her mommy)
Me "are you sure?"
Her "yes"
Me "wheres your mommy?"
Her *pointed to me* "right here!"
2 seconds later 
Her "I think that's not your mommy"

:haha:


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## Natsku

Maria earlier today: "What the hell?!"

I didn't respond because trying to ignore swears, so she then repeats "I _said_ what the HELL!!!"

Had to be followed by a conversation on appropriate language for children :haha:


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## Twag

My DD is 6 months and DS is 2 - this morning whilst they were both sat on my bed whilst I was getting ready she manouvered over and put his foot in her mouth DS shouted Mummy Bella eat me!!!

So funny :haha:


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## lau86

Ds2 is potty training, today he was sat fiddling with himself saying 'mummy I've got a problem with my trousers........ It's my willy!!!!!'


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## MummyMana

"I'm speaking a different language"
"are you? What language?"
"Dora the Insplorer language"

Also on the train earlier, shouting a massive excited speech about how she needs to drink all of the Apple juice to "grow her boobies" so that she can feed Tabitha too


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## AngelofTroy

My 3yo told me that my boobies aren't symmetrical :haha:


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## Spudtastic

My 3 year old drew my boobies and then showed it to my father-in-law whilst she talked to him about my boobies. I'm not sure who went the deeper shade of red.


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## HappyAnjeL

Whenever I've told Abby where we are going and she asks again I say "to the moon" the other day in the car her and my nephew kept asking so I said " to the moon" and my nephew got all excited.. my daughter in a huff said "Ant (nephew) we're not going to the moon.. we don't have rocket propellers.. we didn't buy any at Walmart."


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## MummyMana

Earlier me and my sister were talking about how the baby likes being "dangled" as it straightens out her body and help with the colic, my 3 year old chimes in "I dont like being strangled!"


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## Bevziibubble

Holly introducing James to people at the park yesterday: "This is my baby! Do you want a go of him?" :rofl:


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## AngelofTroy

Some brilliant ones on this thread recently! :rofl: 

Micah today when I told him Juniper is 2 months today: "So she can walk?!" :haha:

Also to Juni when he hugged her and she started crying: "aww don't cry little one, you need to say 'stop!' if you don't like it" and kept squishing her !


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## lau86

Ds1 when meeting a new baby at the park 'I've got a baby too, she's much cuter than this one though!!'

Ds2 trying to do a poo 'I can't dooooo it mummy, my bums empty!!'


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## Bevziibubble

Upon telling Holly that daddy had got up in the night to go and take nanny to the airport, she said 'well I hope he put his pants on first!' :rofl:


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## Bevziibubble

Daddy: how did you find school yesterday Holly?


Holly: by walking. 

:rofl:


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## Bevziibubble

Holly to her baby brother: "You're the best baby I EVER seen! You can stay at our house for YEARS!"


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## AngelofTroy

"so... if they don't have a nice family and nobody reads to them and stuff.. Then they accidentally vote for Donald Trump?"


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## darkriver

Baby sister is 9 days old... "Mummy I dont want a sister. I want a brother."


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## Bevziibubble

I played Guess Who with Holly. I guessed her character incorrectly and when I found out who the character was, I said to Holly "I thought you said that it wasn't a lady?" And she replied "it wasn't, it was a woman" :haha:


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## darkriver

"Mummy put your hair down I dont like it."


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## icklemonster

In a restaurant the other week, I was in the bathroom with Charlotte, and I must confess things have got a little unruly 'down there'. There was someone in the cubicle next door.
Charlotte '*Gasp* Mummy?! Why is your mini so furry?'
I do super quick wee, bundle her out the toilet trying to stem my laughter, basically throw her hands into sink so I don't have to see the mystery person in the cubicle next to mine, and she pipes up 'Mummy! Why are we in such a rush?'
I think out of courtesy the woman in the cubicle waited to come out until after we had left.


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## Bevziibubble

Lol! Kids are so funny! :rofl:


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## Bevziibubble

Baby James was having a nappy change and being very uncooperative and trying to escape. Holly brought him a bauble over and said "here, hopefully this will destroy him". I hope she meant distract! :haha:


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## ikaria

My nephew, who is 2 years and 2 months old, came to spend the night on Friday (mini vacation for him!). 

We were washing his teeth before bed time, and I start asking him if I can use his toothpaste later as it smells and looks so good. He turns to me and says: "Yes, but I have to wash your teeth for you. You're so dirty."


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## Bevziibubble

We were at my MIL's and Holly saw a photo of DH when he was in the army 

Holly - is that daddy being a policeman?
Me - no, that was when daddy was in the army.
Holly - *gasps* does that mean daddy's been in JAIL?! 

:haha:


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## RainbowDrop_x

During a meal that consisted of beef

DD - Mummy you can't give Daisy (DD2) beef you know
Me - why not 
DD - because she has milk allergies remember
Me - yep I'm fully aware of those allergies but it's only beef, she'll be fine
DD - are you sure mummy, because milk does come from cows which means beef has milk in it

:dohh: Got me again :rofl:


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## AngelofTroy

Happily eating minced lamb: 

"I think this bit must have been the sheep's lungs don't you think mummy? And this bit was maybe an ear? "


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## Bevziibubble

LOL! :haha:


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## broodymrs

Ds felt the baby kick for the first time. He was really surprised and then immediately said 'mummy the baby bit me, tell baby off. Naughty baby, don't bite dylan'


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## JessicaAnne

Grabbing some bits for tea in Tesco the other day.

I picked up some cumberland sausages and E piped up "mum do you need another pack of cucumber sausages?" 

She got some giggles from other shoppers :haha:


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## Bevziibubble

Aww bless! So cute :haha:


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## momAme

that's soooo funny :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## hellohefalump

When my daughter was little she was sharing a bath with her baby brother. All of a sudden she said 
"Mummy how old was I when my willy fell off?"


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## hellohefalump

Before my son could talk, he used to wave at visitors if he wanted them to go!


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## Bevziibubble

Holly was trying to unscrew the child-proof lid on James' medicine wondering why it wouldn't open. I told her it had a child-proof lid on it and she asked "but how does it know a child is trying to open it?" HAHA


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## WackyMumof2

DS2 is 7 and they must have been talking about the Beehive (Parliament) and the politicians in class. And ad for Greenpeace came on about the current Government needing to reduce the amount of dairy farms to reduce cow poo polluting our streams and rivers - or something to that effect I can't really recall. Anyhow, all you hear from DS2 during the ad is 'The National party suck. Vote them out'. Say what?!?! In all reality, they have screwed over the country and he has got a point.

DS2 again. He must have been 5. But we'd taken his cat Gizmo (profile picture) to the vet to have him fixed. I told my son when he got home that he needed to be careful of Gizmo because he'd had a 'de-knackering' and was sore and unsteady of his feet. I figured he didn't need to know the exact words given his age. When he asked me what that meant I thought I better tell him and told him the vet took off his testicles so he couldn't make any baby Gizmos. He left it at that satisfied with my answer. God know what he was doing a couple of weeks later but Gizmo was back to his usual dopey self and DS2 was back to sitting on his head. He must have had a look under his tail and proudly said 'Mummy Gizmo's tentacles have grown back! He can make babies again!' I lost the mouthful of coffee I'd just taken.


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## Bevziibubble

James is going through a hitting phase at the moment. Holly had a solution for his behaviour! 

Holly: "James is being such a naughty boy lately!"
Me: "Oh dear, what are we going to do about that?
Holly: "sell him?"

:rofl:


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## WackyMumof2

DS2 has this fear of being kidnapped. He's as feral as Hell (probably as a result of the ADHD and him acting on impulse) but sent him out to the car to grab something. He's kicking and screaming and crying because someone is 'going to steal him'. I told him to 'suck it up. No one is taking you - I can't even sell you to the Arabs and trust me, I've tried' (I hadn't but he didn't know that). :rofl: He stops and thinks for a bit and asks me 'Why? Is it because I'm too feral?' Yeah, he knows. :rofl:


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## Stormynights

Yesterday

5 year old DD- I had to take a note to the office today.
Me- Oh? What did it say?
DD- Idk, I can't read! 


I laughed so hard... fair point kiddo... guess you wouldn't know what it said. :haha:


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## Bevziibubble

My DD's great grandparents were due to visit and my DD's friend asked why they weren't here yet. My DD replied "they're permanent slow coaches because they're so old!" :rofl:


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## Wobbles

:lol:


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## hellohefalump

I think my daughter was around 3yrs old. She found a box of tampons and made a necklace and earrings out of them!


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## hellohefalump

Around age 3, there was a dwarf lady in front of us at the supermarket checkout. My daughter pointed straight at her and yelled, "dog! Dog! Woof woof"' I've never been so embarrassed !


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## Bevziibubble

hellohefalump said:


> Around age 3, there was a dwarf lady in front of us at the supermarket checkout. My daughter pointed straight at her and yelled, "dog! Dog! Woof woof"' I've never been so embarrassed !

LOL, kids really choose their moments! :haha:


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## Bevziibubble

My grandparents asked Holly "where did you have lunch with nanny last week?"
Holly replied "on the table".
So literal! :rofl:


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## Babybump87

Lol at Holly !!

DD2 sitting in the trolley in ASDA two over weight people walk past wow nanny big people lmao shes only 2! Mum was mortified I laughed

DD1 today in the chemist I am talking to the lady dispensing the medication turns round shes got hold of a box of Durex big value pack I said stop messing with the condoms while laughing with the lady DD1s response Im trying to fix them , they are all lying down lol


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## Bevziibubble

LOL, kids! :rofl:


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## WackyMumof2

Hubby got himself a 1990 300E Mercedes Benz a few years ago I like to call his 'mid-life crisis'. Anyhow, it's candy blue, lowered on King Springs, sub, tinted you name it. On the back there is a sticker that says 'too low for fat hoes'. I'll blame his cousin for that one. :haha: Anyhow, DS2 (also the ADHDer in the family) has a bad habit of not engaging his brain before opening his mouth - a bit like me in that respect. He turned around to his father one day and said 'Dad, Mum can't get in your car'. Hubby turned around and said 'That's not nice, of course she can. Why do you think she can't?'. DS2 turned around and said 'You're sticker says too low for fat hoes and Mum's fat'. Oops. Who's idea was it to teach the kid to read?! Just as well I didn't take offense to it and hubby and I both found it funny though we still had to tell him off. :rofl:

DS1 fell off the scooters at school and hit the ground pretty hard. The end result was a cracked tailbone and a slipped disk in his back followed by several rounds of Physiotherapy. Because he went to the Teenage Clinic to see a doctor they have a bowl of condoms on the front desk to encourage the horny generation to practice safe sex. God knows what DS1 was told but he grabbed a handful. Apparently he gave them to his father and said 'Here Dad I think you and Mum might need these!'. Needless to say, I was rather red-faced!


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## Bevziibubble

Omg LOL! :xmas13:


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## DebbieF

Today my 4 year old DD asked me if I knew where milk came from with the facial expression she knew... I said "no where?"... she replies "cows poop milk!" then proceeds to tell me that when people squeeze cows butts thats when the milk comes out!


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## Bevziibubble

Me to Holly on the way home from school: "I've got a surprise for you when we get home".
Holly: !I hope it's not a new baby!!
(It's not!) :rofl:


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## WackyMumof2

My 15 month old this morning. I sat down at the desktop to check in on BnB, Facebook etc. The standard morning bullshit. :haha: DS3 crawls up to my lap to see what's going on, pulls my hands away fro the keyboard and tell's me 'uh uh, don't touch'. Dude, just because that's what we tell you! :rofl: On the other hand, piss off kid I pay for the Internet connection! :rofl:


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## Wobbles

bevziibubble said:


> me to holly on the way home from school: "i've got a surprise for you when we get home".
> Holly: !i hope it's not a new baby!!
> (it's not!) :rofl:

hahaha!!!!


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## SarahBear

Leo is recently potty trained and therefore spending more time on the toilet "discovering" details about his parts. Most recently he has discovered that he can open his foreskin and there is a whole other part inside. He asked what it was and has made comments over a few different potty trips. Most recently he commented "Me like squishing these parts!"


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## Bevziibubble

Holly randomly asks me on the way to school: "Mummy, would you still keep James if he was an African baby?"
Me: "Yes, of course"
Holly: "You'd just be a bit shocked?"
Very! :rofl:


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## Wobbles

LOL @ that!!!!!


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## Bevziibubble

Holly: "If you hold in a wee and a poo at the same time, is it called ambidextrous?" :rofl:


----------

