# I wish I could just have friggin answers.



## xAmiixLouisex

FOB blocked me when I got pregnant. He begged me to have an abortion and when I refused I got some abuse and got blocked. He was a friend, we had a drunken one night stand. Remained friends, until I found out I was pregnant anyway. I've text him numerous times. Sometimes generally nice things. Other times abuse. Other times updates on Jayden. Never a reply. He really doesn't care. Although he's told other people he'll be involved when Jayden's here. I've never heard this from him myself though. One night when I was about 4 months pregnant he text at 1:30am while he was drunk, asking where I was :S and trying to have a casual conversation. It ended on "Just don't worry ok, talk soon". Haven't heard since.

It was his birthday today. I didn't bother saying happy birthday. I decided not to bother attempting contact anymore. I text wishing a happy new year and nothing since. I'm wondering if I should text him when I'm in labour? I plan to text once Jayden's born. To announce that he's here. But tonight I got thinking.. Maybe that's a bit much. Just like WOW.. Big shock. My sons here! So, maybe I should text when I go into labour?. Not sure I could keep my cool if I were to be ignored though.

Also, I'd really like my little boy to have his dads last name. I dunno why, I just think it's traditional. I'd love for him to just tell me if he's ever going to be involved so I know where I stand and at least know my sons surname! or if I'll be putting his fathers name on the birth certificate.

He's going to Spain for 2 weeks on Saturday. Lucky him ay! I've really wound myself up tonight. I hate that, there's a possibility he can just walk in once LO's born and be a dad. While I sit here pregnant for 40 weeks, buying everything, preparing everything. All on my own. Dunno what the point in this thread was. Just needed to let it out. So many things I want to know. But instead, have to wait until the time comes and see if he appears after the birth. :growlmad:


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## LTEx

I was in a similar situation hun & unfortunately its only got worse for me. Reguarding not knowing when to text him, i'd text him when you're going into labour. He then has the choice whether he wants to see his son born or not .. He will then never be able to say you didn't let him know you was in labour & it was your fault for him missing it. If he doesn't show up, its his loss. Atleast you would of done everything in your power to try & make him involved :) 

Hope everything manages to sort itself out hun & btw, love the name jayden (my sons called jayden :D )


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## bumphenders

LMAO! Amii, I am not under any circumstances laughing at you or your situation...
But i'm pretty sure you know what I'm about to say...

I could have wrote this aswell!!

I've decided to just let him get on with is, we weren't getting anywhere, and I'm done running after him...It explains it all in my other posts about him, My midwife even told me he isn't worth it if he isn't even bothered about it all.
And how he can say some awful stuff to me.

If you want LO to have his last name, then thats fine and its your choice. Elliot won't have his dads last name for the fact he wont really know his dad and if I have more children in the future I don't want them to have different last names and stuff :/

The way I look at it now is, He knows when Elliot is due, and he has my number, if he gives a shit, he'll be in touch, I'm not gunna run after him no more.

Obviously its your choice, but the way I see it, is if he really gives a shit he will be in touch.

:flow:


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## xAmiixLouisex

LTEx - Thanks for replying, I guess only time will tell. But if he can be such a jerk now, maybe not much will change. Can't imagine him magically becoming this great caring dad after 9 months of being a twat. LOL. Great name choice for your son too :D lol

bumphenders - Aha. Here we go again. See, I've thought this so many times. He's not worth contacting. If he wants to know he'll get in touch. But then I wind myself up over it and it generally annoys me that he doesn't get in touch! I feel like going to his house and shaking him to death like HELLOOOOOOO you're gonna have a baby! I just really can't understand how on earth someone could just, not care. I mean, even asking out of curiousity. Surely you'd wonder if you just had a kid somewhere that you wasn't involved with. Apparently not. Suppose the next time he'll hear from me is labour. I wish I could see into the future. So much easier :/ lol


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## bumphenders

I don't even think I'm gunna get in touch with FOB when Elliot is born, he knows when he is due and he has my number and knows where I live! I don't even give him much of a thought anymore, I don't need him at all, Elliot will have everything, minus the disappointment!

:flow:


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## Bumpi

i've been sat here for a few minutes deciding whether or not to reply to this because I dont want to get slated lol
I could of wrote most of this email too .. I wont write everything because its so long i would bore you silly (if i aint already lol) .. but basically i had a 10 day fling with an ex and ended up pregnant .. i know how he feels about kids (as in he doesnt want them - he told me after the horse had bolted but before i found out I was pregnant and he knows my stance on abortion) .. so when i found out i was pregnant i called him and said to him look I am pregnant but i am only telling you out of common courtesy, i am not going to ask you for anything or expect you to get involved as i know how you feel .. he then took on a woe is me attitude (as per usual) and i was bombarded with texts .. he started saying i planned it all etc (ffs if i was planning it i would not have chose him as father of my baby lol) and ended up with him saying he will be asking for paternity test .. and i replied well you can ask the csa when they get in touch in April (i know i had said i wasnt gonna ask for anything but he pissed me off) 
all the above ended when i was about 6/7 weeks pregnant and i didnt hear anything till just after my 12 week scan .. he text and asked if i got dates and if it was healthy (his words) said yep and yep .. he replied fine and we've had no more contact since then (i am now 26+3) .. i have been sat the past few days wondering if i should get in touch, but then i think why the hell should i .. he knows how to email/text/call .. if he give a shit then he would of .. but he hasnt so i am not going to either .. he knows i am having a baby and when baby is due and if he doesnt contact me then he will find out she is a girl and when she was born when the CSA get in touch. and thats what i would say to anyone who's FOB has not bothered through the pregnancy .. they know you are pregnant .. why should you keep chasing them, pandering to their woe is me attitudes .. we are the ones that are carrying their children, we are the ones that are going to give birth, we are the ones that are going to love them with all our hearts and raise them to be the best they can be .. if they want to miss out on that then that is their hard luck.
but thats just me .. everyone has to make decisions that are right for them, or that they think are right for them at the time xxx


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## bumphenders

Oooo we're all due within days of each other, and all in the same/similar situation!
:flow:

ps - Just thought i'd point that out :haha:


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## Bumpi

bumphenders said:


> Oooo we're all due within days of each other, and all in the same/similar situation!
> :flow:
> 
> ps - Just thought i'd point that out :haha:

lolol .. my FOB is from your neck of the woods, Boldon .. dont know if you know it .. i dont but its where he is from lmao xx


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## xAmiixLouisex

It is weird how we're all due around the same time haha. Must be single mommy season!

We're all deffo better off without I think. I also said I didn't want anything from him. His job isn't paid well anyway so I wont get much. But then I thought, well he is his son. Why should he not pay for him? So I'll be contacting CSA. Not because I need the money, mainly to remind him that whether he likes it or not he IS a dad and has to face up to responsibility one way or another.


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## Bumpi

same here Amii .. they need to step up in some way and sometimes thats the only way to get them to realise they have responsibilities .. the FOB concerned here is working, when he doesnt go on the sick .. and the last time we spoke he was looking into going bankrupt, so dont even know if the CSA would be able to help .. but if it makes him think then so be it xx


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## bumphenders

Bumpi said:


> bumphenders said:
> 
> 
> Oooo we're all due within days of each other, and all in the same/similar situation!
> :flow:
> 
> ps - Just thought i'd point that out :haha:
> 
> lolol .. my FOB is from your neck of the woods, Boldon .. dont know if you know it .. i dont but its where he is from lmao xxClick to expand...

Ahh yeah, I know where that is, used to work in Boldon!
:flow:



xAmiixLouisex said:


> It is weird how we're all due around the same time haha. Must be single mommy season!
> 
> We're all deffo better off without I think. I also said I didn't want anything from him. His job isn't paid well anyway so I wont get much. But then I thought, well he is his son. Why should he not pay for him? So I'll be contacting CSA. Not because I need the money, mainly to remind him that whether he likes it or not he IS a dad and has to face up to responsibility one way or another.

I'm not even going to bother with CSA. He has 2 kids already, and he see's them 2 hours once a week, court have said so, he is still fighting for more access..Not sure why they won't give him more access though! 
But thats a diff story - *Come on Jodie, back on track*
Csa - he told them he is a full time student and he cares for a family member so that he only has to pay £5 per week - to be split between however many children he has!!!! He told me he only signed up to college so he could get out of paying more. It would mean £20 between 3 kids - Not worth the hassle tbh!

:flow:


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## Bumpi

i can see what you are saying, Davids 'father' has other children .. David was 5 when i finally plucked up the courage to go to CSA (violent relationship and I had hid 100 miles away) .. at that time he was working and refused to pay so the CSA put a deduction of earnings order on his wages .. he immediately left his job and started claiming JSA .. daft sod didnt realise that David would get 500 from his final pay packet tho mwahahaha .. anyway .. he went on JSA and they said he had to pay £5 per week between David and his other 2 .. i get your point about not worth the hassle, but to me its not the money .. its more showing them they cant plant their seed and dodge their responsibilities .. David's 'father' is now losing out on not only a fantastic son, but his wage at the end of the month .. omg i must sound like such a bitch hahaha xx


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## bumphenders

Bumpi said:


> i can see what you are saying, Davids 'father' has other children .. David was 5 when i finally plucked up the courage to go to CSA (violent relationship and I had hid 100 miles away) .. at that time he was working and refused to pay so the CSA put a deduction of earnings order on his wages .. he immediately left his job and started claiming JSA .. daft sod didnt realise that David would get 500 from his final pay packet tho mwahahaha .. anyway .. he went on JSA and they said he had to pay £5 per week between David and his other 2 .. i get your point about not worth the hassle, but to me its not the money .. its more showing them they cant plant their seed and dodge their responsibilities .. David's 'father' is now losing out on not only a fantastic son, but his wage at the end of the month .. omg i must sound like such a bitch hahaha xx

You don't sound like a bitch at all :)
The way I see it is, if I go to the CSA, elliot would get a tiny amount, that he don't need, FOB wouldn't be any worse off, and it would mean that he still has this constant attachment i'd rather not be there, iykwim?

:flow:


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## Bumpi

i do know what you mean yes . I just wanted to lash out and hurt him (should i be so honest haha) :) xx


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## bumphenders

If Elliots 'Dad' was working then I would do exactly what you have done! I take him for everything I could, just to make him realise what he has done.
:flow:


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## Abby_

I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months. 
Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?


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## Bumpi

bumphenders said:


> If Elliots 'Dad' was working then I would do exactly what you have done! I take him for everything I could, just to make him realise what he has done.
> :flow:

glad to hear it :) lol xx


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## dustbunny

I know this sounds hard but I would stop chasing him. At the moment he has the power card with regards to contact and if you are contacting him on a regular basis he will feel no need what so ever to contact or reply as he knows you'll text him with an update. Men are curious by nature because they don't like to think they have been forgotten, they are driven by ego. If you stop contact then his curious mind will wonder why and maybe then he'll get in touch and try and be a bit involved. If he doesn't bother... well you know where you stand and that is completely his loss.
Just because youre carrying his baby that does not make you his personal PA. My FOB says I had to keep him updated... well no... if you're that interested then update yourself. I very much doubt his team in the NBA send him personal game updates or his football team etc etc... so I don't think I have to and I don't think you have to either.
If he knows when you are due then he knows roughly when you'll be going into labour and should be making an effort to know how you and baby are doing. From a personal standpoint I am not telling FOB when I am in labour and am now thinking about whether to tell him after she is born... as he has made sod all effort since I laid it all on the line for him.
At the end of the day you can run after people and try and make them do what you know is the right thing to do but 9 times out of 10 they will do whatever suits them best. 

I really don't mean to sound harsh and please don't take offence. You seem like such a lovely person and I don't like reading that FOB is taking the piss. :hugs:


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## dustbunny

Abby_ said:


> I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months.
> Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?

I think we have the same FOB!!!! I laid it all on the line boxing day and since then he has been silent and not bothered so hell no am I putting him on the birth certificate!!!!


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## bumphenders

Abby_ said:


> I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months.
> Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?

I'm not. Elliot is taking my last name, and I can't put FOB on the birth certificate unless he is there with me, and I'm not making contact with him anymore.
Even if he does make contact, still don't think i'll put him on, it means he he can have a say in where I live, school Elliot goes to etc. He doesn't deserve that right.

:flow:


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## Bumpi

Abby_ said:


> I'm in the same situation! Only now has he started to get me down about how I'm doing it all alone. I've got family and friends, but it's not the same. I also think to myself not to text FOB and wait for him, but then I get so angry that he doesn't care. I get replies saying, when am I going to let him be involved? I've never stopped him!!! And then he gets all upset if I'm not all nice to him and just blunt and doesn't talk to me for months.
> Are you girls going to put FOB on the birth certificate?

i know exactly what you mean about it being hard .. I was living with Davids 'father' for 2 years before I fell pregnant .. I had to end it when i was pregnant (because of his violence) .. David is now 10 and 'father' has emailed and sent messages to me to let me know that he knows where I am (i moved 100 miles away because I was so scared) .. and not once has he asked about David .. and that hurts like hell .. I think to myself he is such a gorgeous little boy, so polite, sensitive, kind, caring .. and you dont give a toss about him .. but then I think to myself its you missing out, not David .. thats the way I am now .. I try not to get upset anymore .. prefer to get all smug thinking look what you are missing you tosspot.
In your situation he is clearly trying to make out that you are the one in the wrong and put all the blame and guilt he is carrying onto you .. and thats not fair .. I would just say to him look if you want to see our child thne get in touch, make plans and stick to them .. if you dont then i aint gonna chase you, then leave it up to him.
oh, and no Sophie's 'father' is not going to be on the birth certificate .. he wont even know she is here till the CSA tell him and that will be weeks after I get her birth certificate xx


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## xAmiixLouisex

Abby_ ; At the moment, I can't see him being on the birth certificate. BUT, I do keep my options open. If by some miracle he comes along after birth and decides to be a dad to my son, he'll be on there. But obviously without him being there he can't go on it. So all depends on the situation after I give birth really.

dustbunny ; Nah I'm not taking offence at all. I read your situation and gave you pretty much the same advice. It seems harder following it myself though. His mom knows Jayden's due in April, if she remembers. I've never actually gave him my due date though. But he's probably found out off someone else. Which is another thing, I've deactivated facebook because he seems to get info from somewhere. I've cut off connections with SO many people. Mutual friends of ours really, because I hate to think that if he wanted to know something regarding LO he could find out without having to consult me. So, maybe now he has no sources of information it'll really show his true colours. Even if it is just curiosity he HAS to get in touch with me directly if he wants to know. So, gonna keep that up. Still unsure about texting during labour. I think if I haven't heard anything off him by then I'll not bother. I don't think I can deal with getting ignored when I'm in actual labour. 

bumphenders ; I can't actually believe the extremes he's gone to JUST to avoid CSA. What a tight arse twat :|


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## Bumpi

dustbunny said:


> My FOB says I had to keep him updated... well no... if you're that interested then update yourself.

you are spot on in what you said in your reply .. I had to laugh when I read that line about keeping him updated .. my FOB said to me in a text 'keep me informed' i said 'informed of what?' he said 'your progress' .. I said 'it will progress like this: I am pregnant, baby will be born in April' .. stupid tw*t .. if he wants to know anything in the meantime then he knows where i am and what my phone number is lol xx


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## xAmiixLouisex

Oh also.. Bumpi, David's dad sounds like a total scumbag. As if he gets in contact to try to make you feel threatened and totally dismiss the fact he has a son. I really dunno why God gave these guys the right to reproduce. But at least you got your beautiful precious son. At least something good came from this asshole.


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## Abby_

I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could. :) 
Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!


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## xAmiixLouisex

Abby_ said:


> I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could. :)
> Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!

The things we find out from facebook ay! Less hassle for you then! lol. My FOB just updates about getting drunk all the while. Don't really get much from having a nose on his page. Other than that, he needs a shave and smokes too much weed. His recent photos he looks like a total tramp haha. Thank God I don't have to be seen in public with him these days. :dohh:


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## Abby_

xAmiixLouisex said:


> Abby_ said:
> 
> 
> I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could. :)
> Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!
> 
> The things we find out from facebook ay! Less hassle for you then! lol. My FOB just updates about getting drunk all the while. Don't really get much from having a nose on his page. Other than that, he needs a shave and smokes too much weed. His recent photos he looks like a total tramp haha. Thank God I don't have to be seen in public with him these days. :dohh:Click to expand...

Haha! Exactly, at least I know where he stands now! Oh dear! Obviously missing you so much has turned him into a lonely tramp! :haha:


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## Bumpi

xAmiixLouisex said:


> Oh also.. Bumpi, David's dad sounds like a total scumbag. As if he gets in contact to try to make you feel threatened and totally dismiss the fact he has a son. I really dunno why God gave these guys the right to reproduce. But at least you got your beautiful precious son. At least something good came from this asshole.

oh he is Amii .. we were both in the TA when we met, and we lived together for 2 years before I ended it for good (xmas eve 2000, i was approx 12 weeks pregnant and he went for me) .. when I had David my friend who was also in the TA stood up in the mess bar after the Tuesday night meeting and said i would just like to announce that 'bumpi' has had a little boy who she is calling David, mother and son both doing well' he then stood up and said 'i'd just like to announce that 'bumpi' is nothing but a slag and the ******* aint mine' .. when she told me I was both devastated and disgusted .. how can anyone talk like that about a baby ?? .. I then bumped into him while I was shopping last year .. it was the first time I have seen him in over 9 years .. I was with a friend and was pushing her baby .. he stopped right in front of me and said oh have you had another one then .. then he ran his finger down my upper arm (i have a big tattoo there now, never had any when I was with him) and said oh nice ink .. I swear I thought I was going to be sick .. I was shaking like a leaf .. he walked off smirking .. my friend had to help me out of the shopping centre because I could hardly walk .. there is no way to explain just how petrified I was .. I know he was just trying to intimidate me, and yes it worked .. I totally went downhill after that and ended up having a bit of a breakdown and was diagnosed with PTSD .. they said it was because i had not dealt with all the violence etc from years earlier, was running on adrenaline for all those years after and that seeing him triggered it all to come out .. I am loads better now (having counselling) .. and only once in the past year have I got upset or started to get scared and that was in april this year .. David suddenly asked out of the blue 'who is my dad, I want to meet him' .. i almost keeled over !! xx


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## Bumpi

Abby_ said:


> xAmiixLouisex said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Abby_ said:
> 
> 
> I agree, if he mans up and act like a father then there is that option. I feel that if you keep all your options open you can say to you LO that you tried everything you could. :)
> Just had a nose on FOB's facebook as I was talking about him. Apparently he is moving away in a few days. Guessing he doesn't want to be involved then!!!
> 
> The things we find out from facebook ay! Less hassle for you then! lol. My FOB just updates about getting drunk all the while. Don't really get much from having a nose on his page. Other than that, he needs a shave and smokes too much weed. His recent photos he looks like a total tramp haha. Thank God I don't have to be seen in public with him these days. :dohh:Click to expand...
> 
> Haha! Exactly, at least I know where he stands now! *Oh dear! Obviously missing you so much has turned him into a lonely tramp! *Click to expand...

that did make me laugh out loud lolol xx


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## xAmiixLouisex

Bumpi said:


> xAmiixLouisex said:
> 
> 
> Oh also.. Bumpi, David's dad sounds like a total scumbag. As if he gets in contact to try to make you feel threatened and totally dismiss the fact he has a son. I really dunno why God gave these guys the right to reproduce. But at least you got your beautiful precious son. At least something good came from this asshole.
> 
> oh he is Amii .. we were both in the TA when we met, and we lived together for 2 years before I ended it for good (xmas eve 2000, i was approx 12 weeks pregnant and he went for me) .. when I had David my friend who was also in the TA stood up in the mess bar after the Tuesday night meeting and said i would just like to announce that 'bumpi' has had a little boy who she is calling David, mother and son both doing well' he then stood up and said 'i'd just like to announce that 'bumpi' is nothing but a slag and the ******* aint mine' .. when she told me I was both devastated and disgusted .. how can anyone talk like that about a baby ?? .. I then bumped into him while I was shopping last year .. it was the first time I have seen him in over 9 years .. I was with a friend and was pushing her baby .. he stopped right in front of me and said oh have you had another one then .. then he ran his finger down my upper arm (i have a big tattoo there now, never had any when I was with him) and said oh nice ink .. I swear I thought I was going to be sick .. I was shaking like a leaf .. he walked off smirking .. my friend had to help me out of the shopping centre because I could hardly walk .. there is no way to explain just how petrified I was .. I know he was just trying to intimidate me, and yes it worked .. I totally went downhill after that and ended up having a bit of a breakdown and was diagnosed with PTSD .. they said it was because i had not dealt with all the violence etc from years earlier, was running on adrenaline for all those years after and that seeing him triggered it all to come out .. I am loads better now (having counselling) .. and only once in the past year have I got upset or started to get scared and that was in april this year .. David suddenly asked out of the blue 'who is my dad, I want to meet him' .. i almost keeled over !! xxClick to expand...

How horrible :( I'm glad you're better though. What did you tell David? Are you going to tell him the truth once he's old enough? I've thought about this and decided to just be totally honest. I don't want to sugar coat things then Jayden grows up thinking his dad wasn't all that bad and just letting him right in. xx


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## Bumpi

xAmiixLouisex said:


> How horrible :( I'm glad you're better though. What did you tell David? Are you going to tell him the truth once he's old enough? I've thought about this and decided to just be totally honest. I don't want to sugar coat things then Jayden grows up thinking his dad wasn't all that bad xx

thanks xx .. i had always said that I didnt want David to ever think anything was his fault, and also that I didnt want to slate his 'father' but also didnt want to sugar coat it too .. I was just going to try to hold off till he was older. 
When he asked this year, I just sort of said what was that darling? . he said can I meet him, so i said i am not in touch with him, but can try to find him on facebook tomorrow if you want .. he said yes please .. then asked what he looked like and did i have any photo's .. so i said yes I do I will dig them out for you (had always kept the pics just incase he asked, and we had just moved so everything was in boxes in the garage) .. and he's not mentioned him since so I never brought it up again .. I probably did the wrong thing by ignoring it, but I didnt know what else to do .. i suppose if he asks again i will have to get the pictures out .. as for him meeting 'father' that i dont know about .. i wouldnt know whether to inbox him on fb and tell him David wants to meet him, or to say to David I couldnt find him .. its a tough one xx


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## judge12

I do feel sorry for some of these men, you can always say well they should used protection etc but maybe they did and the women didn't either so why does he get no say if he wants the baby?

A one night stand, a man who never wanted children...these men are being forced into fatherhood and being forced into paying for a child they never wanted, all that will happen is that they will resent that child, find a woman who they are in love with and have more children and be a proper father to them. 

I don't think it's fair you go after the man for money, if you want the baby then fine but don't act all high and mighty about him not wanting to be involved. I feel bad for the women who had long term partners, then the father gets up and leaves. They are the ones that really been let down by the men.


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## dustbunny

judge12 said:


> I do feel sorry for some of these men, you can always say well they should used protection etc but maybe they did and the women didn't either so why does he get no say if he wants the baby?
> 
> A one night stand, a man who never wanted children...these men are being forced into fatherhood and being forced into paying for a child they never wanted, all that will happen is that they will resent that child, find a woman who they are in love with and have more children and be a proper father to them.
> 
> I don't think it's fair you go after the man for money, if you want the baby then fine but don't act all high and mighty about him not wanting to be involved. I feel bad for the women who had long term partners, then the father gets up and leaves. They are the ones that really been let down by the men.

Sorry for these men?!?! They are a literal waste of space... everyone when consenting to unprotected sex is consenting to agree to the possibility of becoming a parent. If none of us had stepped up to the mark then none of us would still be on a pregnancy forum. 

They are not being forced into fatherhood, they weren't forced into sex. They didn't have a gun held to their head. They have as much responsibility for the outcome of sex as the woman does. Just because a women fell pregnant through a one night stand does not let the guy off of the hook for him to go off a find another women to settle down with. 

I don't think anyone is really going after the men for money and not wanting them to be involved too. From my personal circumstances my FOB wanted a baby, actively wanted one and has now fucked right off with his excuses etc and his mother is no better at the blame game.

The only safe way to have sex is to abstain, and boy do men have a good history of abstaining. I don't feel sorry for any of these 'men'... I pity them and I feel sorry for the women who have to shift their lives around.


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## judge12

dustbunny said:


> Sorry for these men?!?! They are a literal waste of space... everyone when consenting to unprotected sex is consenting to agree to the possibility of becoming a parent. If none of us had stepped up to the mark then none of us would still be on a pregnancy forum.
> 
> They are not being forced into fatherhood, they weren't forced into sex. They didn't have a gun held to their head. They have as much responsibility for the outcome of sex as the woman does. Just because a women fell pregnant through a one night stand does not let the guy off of the hook for him to go off a find another women to settle down with.
> 
> I don't think anyone is really going after the men for money and not wanting them to be involved too. From my personal circumstances my FOB wanted a baby, actively wanted one and has now fucked right off with his excuses etc and his mother is no better at the blame game.
> 
> The only safe way to have sex is to abstain, and boy do men have a good history of abstaining. I don't feel sorry for any of these 'men'... I pity them and I feel sorry for the women who have to shift their lives around.

I feel for your situation and your fob sounds horrible, he wanted that baby then disowned him/her and I don't feel sorry for men like that.

Women have a choice, think about the woman who have an abortion and how they would feel towards the baby if they were forced to have him/her. Women can have unprotected sex and still choose to not have the baby, men cannot. Men do not have a choice at all, it is the woman body but if the man wasn't in a relationship and didn't want the child, I do not think they should have to pay for the next 18 years.


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## Abby_

I can't speak for any of the other girls, but in my situation i never forced the FOB to do anything.
'It takes two to tango' and i take half the blame for what has happened. However once i let him know that i was keeping it and how he didn't want to be involved, i was fine with that and left him to it. A few months into my pregnancy he has said he now wants to be involved and never wanted me to get rid of it. But quickly got bored of the idea and has returned to pretending my and the bump don't exist.
He's left me not knowing what he wants/plans to do and constantly having to plan my future with 'oh what if he is involved' :shrug:

I think what annoys us girls the most is the indecisiveness of these 'men', if you have sex without protection you should be aware of the outcomes and the chance that the girl you sleep with may want to keep a child if you knock her up.


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## Bumpi

judge12 said:


> I do feel sorry for some of these men, you can always say well they should used protection etc but maybe they did and the women didn't either so why does he get no say if he wants the baby?
> 
> A one night stand, a man who never wanted children...these men are being forced into fatherhood and being forced into paying for a child they never wanted, all that will happen is that they will resent that child, find a woman who they are in love with and have more children and be a proper father to them.
> 
> I don't think it's fair you go after the man for money, if you want the baby then fine but don't act all high and mighty about him not wanting to be involved. I feel bad for the women who had long term partners, then the father gets up and leaves. They are the ones that really been let down by the men.




judge12 said:


> dustbunny said:
> 
> 
> Sorry for these men?!?! They are a literal waste of space... everyone when consenting to unprotected sex is consenting to agree to the possibility of becoming a parent. If none of us had stepped up to the mark then none of us would still be on a pregnancy forum.
> 
> They are not being forced into fatherhood, they weren't forced into sex. They didn't have a gun held to their head. They have as much responsibility for the outcome of sex as the woman does. Just because a women fell pregnant through a one night stand does not let the guy off of the hook for him to go off a find another women to settle down with.
> 
> I don't think anyone is really going after the men for money and not wanting them to be involved too. From my personal circumstances my FOB wanted a baby, actively wanted one and has now fucked right off with his excuses etc and his mother is no better at the blame game.
> 
> The only safe way to have sex is to abstain, and boy do men have a good history of abstaining. I don't feel sorry for any of these 'men'... I pity them and I feel sorry for the women who have to shift their lives around.
> 
> I feel for your situation and your fob sounds horrible, he wanted that baby then disowned him/her and I don't feel sorry for men like that.
> 
> Women have a choice, think about the woman who have an abortion and how they would feel towards the baby if they were forced to have him/her. Women can have unprotected sex and still choose to not have the baby, men cannot. Men do not have a choice at all, it is the woman body but if the man wasn't in a relationship and didn't want the child, I do not think they should have to pay for the next 18 years.Click to expand...

It takes two to make a baby .. me and my ex had a brief fling this year .. after having unprotected sex 3 times he said I dont want children and i know you dont agree with abortion, we should start using something .. neither of us wanted a relationship and it didnt go any further. When I found out I was pregnant I called him and told him but told him I wasnt expecting him to get involved and didnt want anything from him but was just telling him out of common courtesy .. he then started with the woe is me texts etc saying I was the one with the choice and he has no say .. my response was this: choice what choice? you DID have a choice .. your choice was this: to fuck or not to fuck .. to fuck with rubber or to fuck without .. he then said I know your feelings on abortion but at the end of the day you are the one with the choice to go ahead I dont have any say .. so i said to him you DID have a choice, you chose to fuck without a rubber. 
As far as I am concerned, and yes I have told him this! .. Its something he is gonna have ot come to terms with just like i am, and when he is about to send his next woe is me text to remember this: I am the one with a baby growing in her belly, I am the one that will give birth and love and care for him/her for the rest of my life!
Fair enough he wasnt in a relationship, and didnt want a child, but why should he not help with the cost of her upbringing after all he was just as responsible as me in making her.

edit to add: yes i know at the start i said i wanted nothing and he could of just walked away .. but then he started getting twatty, so why not get him to face his responsibilities .. maybe it will teach him to be more careful in the future!


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## bumphenders

Wow! I am shocked to say the least.
How can you feel sorry for someone who knew fine well what the consequences of having unprotected sex could be?
You can't possibly sit there and be on their side at all, if a man can sleep with a women unprotected then he should stand up to his responsibilities! 
I had what you could class as a 1 night stand/were friends with FOB - I then went and took the morning after pill as I was in no way ready for the a child. He didn't use protection, I was the one that went and made sure I took the morning after pill. It didn't work, and her I am 6 month later carrying his child, which wasn't planned. 
Now tell me what part is fair that for the next 18 year I have to raise a child (Who I love with all my heart and I wouldn't change things now) while he goes off and lives the next 18 years of his life without the "consequences". He has 2 children already that he see's and stuff, yet my son, isn't 'worth the stress and hassle' (in his words)
Tell me how that isn't a waste of space? Tell me how you can possibly say you feel sorry for that! A waste of oxygen!

As others have said - it takes 2 to tango!
Now I apologise if I have came across as a little abrupt, but your comments have actually really got to me, how its not the mans fault! Of course it is!


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## Bumpi

you have not been abrupt at all .. you are spot on :) xx


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## bumphenders

Bumpi said:


> you have not been abrupt at all .. you are spot on :) xx

Thanks
It baffles me sometimes the way some people look at this. Its not like our children chose to be in this situation.

:flow:


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## Bumpi

no they didnt .. but we will love and care for them and they will know they are very much wanted and loved by us .. i do believe we have enough love inside us for 2 parents .. like its already been said, its the absent fathers loss, not babies and not ours xx


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## bumphenders

I totally agree with you. Elliots 'dad' tried to say that it was my loss..?
How on earth is it MY loss that HE won't have anything to do with HIS son. 
The only thing I'll not get is his money, which Like i've said I don't want it or need it for Elliot.
Its like i said before, We will be Mumdads!

:flow:


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## MumToBe2012

I'm happy I've found this thread! lol. I'm in the same situation as well but my baby is due in June. Hope I can join in :).

I was having a fling when I found out I was pregnant. I was really scared and confused at first because I didn't really know how to react. Then I had to have an emergency scan a week after I found out because I kept waking up in agony and I had a suspected ectopic. Everything turned out to be fine.

I told my baby's father about the baby, who was obviously in shock. Then he turned out to be a person I didn't think he was, and he tried emotionally blackmailing me into having an abortion - he kept saying how much he loved his job and didn't want to be a dad. I wasn't mad at first because he admitted he was scared. Then he asked me whether I wanted to keep 'it' and when I said I don't know he said repeatedly that I had to get rid of 'it'. I ignored him and then he texted me two days later with more of the same and then when I told him I was keeping my baby he told me to keep him updated. Not spoken to him since and that was at the beginning of November last year.

I've been reading the posts on this thread and I agree with most of you 100%. I've been debating whether to contact CSA because I don't know whether I would get much and some people around me don't see the point. However, it takes two to tango so even if I didn't get much at least he would be taking some responsibility for the child.

I don't feel sorry for the men that put themselves in this situation. When you have sex, you run the risk of pregnancy ALL THE TIME even more so if no protection was used. When a baby is conceived, you have to think about what's best for that baby and they didn't ask to be brought into the world. They also didn't chose their parents. Also, EVERYONE makes mistakes and whether you had a one night stand, fling, relationship, marriage etc you can still act all 'high and mighty' because I bet every man and woman in their lifetime will make poor choices when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships. Everything happens for a reason. There's really no reason to judge another person's sitation because you don't know their mind or why they made the decisions they did.

When it comes to your child you want to do what's best for them.

Anyways sorry for the long post I'm Katie btw if this thread is active and I haven't wasted my time on this post lol.


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## bumphenders

Hey Katie :)

I see your point about the CSA, but it isn't really him taking responsibility, it is someone chasing him for money...Thats another reason i wont do it.

but you're more then welcome to join us :)

:flow:


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## MumToBe2012

I felt that way at first and sometimes I still do, but the way I see it that money is FOR the baby. It could always be used to put into a savings account for when the baby is older but at the end of the day if you make a baby you are responsible for him/her even if that's by giving a little bit of money towards the baby's up-keep through the years.

That's just me though, I think every mum should decide what's best for their own child. We're all different and we all have different minds.


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## xAmiixLouisex

Hey Katie! :]

I went through the whole getting pressured into abortion thing. Once he got it into his stupid head it wasn't happening he just blocked me. -__-. It annoys me because he said I was ruining his life and all sorts. I never planned this and I never lied to him or anything. I never said I was on the pill or nothing like that. We just had unprotected sex and I got pregnant. Which tends to be pretty common lol.

As for the CSA, It depends. As bumphenders said, it isn't exactly facing responsibility. But.. for me I want to do it to remind him that he does indeed have a son. I know he wont miss the odd fiver a week or so, but it's not the point he'll know it's coming out of his pocket and he'll know the reason why. So if he's not gonna bother being a dad at least he'll kinda always have that little reminder that he's missing out on his child.

xx


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## MumToBe2012

xAmiixLouisex said:


> Hey Katie! :]
> 
> I went through the whole getting pressured into abortion thing. Once he got it into his stupid head it wasn't happening he just blocked me. -__-. It annoys me because he said I was ruining his life and all sorts. I never planned this and I never lied to him or anything. I never said I was on the pill or nothing like that. We just had unprotected sex and I got pregnant. Which tends to be pretty common lol.
> 
> As for the CSA, It depends. As bumphenders said, it isn't exactly facing responsibility. But.. for me I want to do it to remind him that he does indeed have a son. I know he wont miss the odd fiver a week or so, but it's not the point he'll know it's coming out of his pocket and he'll know the reason why. So if he's not gonna bother being a dad at least he'll kinda always have that little reminder that he's missing out on his child.
> 
> xx


You're basically saying exactly the same as what happened to me. He hasn't blocked me but he deleted me. I think we both were with selfish guys, because the guy I was with didn't once ask me how I was feeling because he didn't seem to realise it was going to change my life as well. As for protection, the guy I was with is so dumb and gullible I mean when we were gonna do it the first time he didn't ask me whether I was on birth control and didn't have any himself. Was annoyed at him for that.

And that's partly what I was thinking as well.


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## munchkinkidd

bumphenders said:


> You don't sound like a bitch at all :)
> The way I see it is, if I go to the CSA, elliot would get a tiny amount, that he don't need, FOB wouldn't be any worse off, and it would mean that he still has this constant attachment i'd rather not be there, iykwim?
> 
> :flow:

That's EXACTLY how I feel about my FOB. 
He denied Zander when I first tried to tell him. I finally told him, once again *against my better judgement* a couple of weeks ago, and now he wants to play daddy after absolutely nothing? I don't think so. I've been doing this by myself (with help from family, as I'm only 17) for the past nine months. I don't need your McD's wages to care for MY son. 
I posted a thread with more details in Teen Pregnancy, and in here, if you have any advice. ): I'm desperate at this point. Sounds petty, but I am. :cry:


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