# Single white mother - mixed race baby



## eudykae

Hi everyone! I have a question I'd like to collect some opinions on...

I'm a single mom by choice, I used an anonymous donor's sperm to conceive and I now have a beautiful, sweet baby girl that I adore with all my heart, now three months old <3 But it's very belatedly occurred to me, that since I'm white and the donor is a first-generation Vietnamese immigrant, I'm actually going to be raising a mixed-race baby! When I chose the donor, I literally did not consider this, I had narrowed him down from the list mostly by personality traits and eventually because I thought he was pretty handsome :) So call me naive or just dumb, but it didn't occur to me that my daughter will have a cultural background that I can't weigh in on very well - I only know about life as a white woman.

Should I try to educate myself on Vietnamese culture so I can answer questions she might have when she's older? Or should I just stick to what I know and not try to bring the completely anonymous donor's background into it at all?


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## BadassMom

eudykae said:


> Hi everyone! I have a question I'd like to collect some opinions on...
> 
> I'm a single mom by choice, I used an anonymous donor's sperm to conceive and I now have a beautiful, sweet baby girl that I adore with all my heart, now three months old <3 But it's very belatedly occurred to me, that since I'm white and the donor is a first-generation Vietnamese immigrant, I'm actually going to be raising a mixed-race baby! When I chose the donor, I literally did not consider this, I had narrowed him down from the list mostly by personality traits and eventually because I thought he was pretty handsome :) So call me naive or just dumb, but it didn't occur to me that my daughter will have a cultural background that I can't weigh in on very well - I only know about life as a white woman.
> 
> Should I try to educate myself on Vietnamese culture so I can answer questions she might have when she's older? Or should I just stick to what I know and not try to bring the completely anonymous donor's background into it at all?

I think you would be doing your beautiful baby girl a disservice if you were to ignore half of her. It's not just the donors background, it's your daughter's as well. Why not do some research on parenting mixed race children. You don't have to become an expert on Vietnamese culture, but don't ignore it like it doesn't exist or is something to be ashamed of. Maybe as your daughter grows up, you two can learn about that half of her together. :hugs:


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## Dezireey

I think it would be confusing for her if you did this when she is very young, so maybe wait until she starts asking questions and wanting to know more. Be driven by what she wants and when. I would definitely do research as the above poster said so that when the time comes you will know lots of info and be prepared. I don't think, in today's society that it will be too much of a struggle for you raising a mixed race baby. Its an advantage that your baby was born to you and you are all she knows, this will be good for future adjustment.

Congratulations and good luck xx


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## CourtneyLane

I'd keep her other culture around. Books with photos of children that look like her, read traditional stories to her from her culture so she can grow up with some connection to that side of herself, maybe some traditional songs or music. You could maybe look into whether you have much of a local Vietnamese community and if they do any events or anything.

I definitely think learning about her culture is a must though. She's going to have a lot of questions anyway about where she comes from being raised by one parent. Throw in another culture too and you need to be prepared :D


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## daneuse27

First off, congrats on conceiving your little girl :) You must be so excited.

I think you picked her donor for all the right reasons; a lot of people do base their decisions on appearance, income and things that are a little more superficial. So kudos to you for that.

Its possible that your daughter may end up looking fully white. I know several Asian-White mix families from living in Asia and I've personally found that it can go either way. One family I know has one white child and the other child looks completely Asian; you'd never guess they were siblings. 

Either way, I think it would be good to introduce her to her heritage in some way. I think exposure to different cultures is usually a positive thing. If she identifies with it she can make it apart of her life. If she doesn't connect with it, its ok. It will be a personal choice for her and you. But I think your thinking is on the right track. I'm sure you'll be a great mom. :flower:


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## BigLegEmma

BadassMom said:


> I think you would be doing your beautiful baby girl a disservice if you were to ignore half of her. It's not just the donors background, it's your daughter's as well. Why not do some research on parenting mixed race children. You don't have to become an expert on Vietnamese culture, but don't ignore it like it doesn't exist or is something to be ashamed of. Maybe as your daughter grows up, you two can learn about that half of her together. :hugs:

I wholeheartedly agree with this. :)


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## babycrazy1706

I'm single (white) and my son is mixed white/black caribbean. His dad is still around and we co parent so its slightly different but I will keep him in the know about his culture, I think its important to do so. Xx


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## dauchep

I think if you know a bit about your donor's background, it will be great. and a lot easier to your kid when she asks how she was made of. if she knows she's different and no detailed explanation she will be very upset because of unknown father I guess.


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## BlueWater

In comparison to what everyone else has said.
I don't think its a bad thing if you only taught your LO about your own culture. Because thats what you know and you're the only one looking after your child. 
For example, I'm indian and my partners white. When we have children I'd expect it to be my own responsibility to teach them about my Indian culture. But if anything was to happen to me, there's only a limit to how much my partner could teach the children about my indian culture. And I could understand if he didn't teach the kids about my culture because he's not the one who's grown up with the culture. 

Do remember, when your child does ask questions, thats always an opportunity to research it together. But until she's old enough to understand, knowing the basics may be all that's needed.


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