# Any teens TTC?



## Ella

I'm not trying to start some witch hunt or whatever, I'm just wondering.. I'd really love to hear if any of you are?
xx


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## Katia-xO

Haha i totally understand your "witch hunt" comment. Yeah i'm tryin to soon, not for a few months though because of college. Are you?


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## Ella

Nah, not right now.. but I've been feeling so broody lately and it's like there's pregnant people everywhere! Lol
xx


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## Lyrah

I'm 18 and TTC but although some people may think 18 is still classed as teen, I class it as young adult :D
xx


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## Ella

I don't understand why people are so against young parents.. Not all of us expect a council house and benefits for the rest of our lives! fingers crossed for you Lyrah!
xx


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## Uvlollypop

what do you expect?


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## Ella

Personally, I'd just expect to be treated like any other pregnant person.. I'm not TTC or anything, but if I was, I don't see why other people should have an issue with it.. It wouldn't be their problem, would it?


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## Lyrah

Thanks hun :D

I completely agree with you. It annoys me very much when people discriminate against young people like that. If two people are ready and stable financially, emotionally and mentally and well prepared for it, then what's the problem? 

xx


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## Uvlollypop

im not trying to start something im just curious thats all.

say you got pregnant today what would you do? how would you manage


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## Ella

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound defensive..

well, if I got pregnant today, I've already had the whole discussion with my mum about if I did and stuff 'cause we're really close.. I have a job and I'm currently looking for full-time employment, my OH is 23 and works full-time and I have a very supportive family so I'm under no illusions that it would be easy (hence why I'm waiting a while) but I definitely would have a great support system
xx


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## TashaAndBump

Uvlollypop said:


> what do you expect?

I hope this comment doesn't mean to imply that most teen mums _*do*_ expect a council house and to live on benefits their whole life?

I think I probably misunderstood what was behind this question / what you meant, but wanted to answer as a teen mum (as it could have been interpreted as 'what do you expect, if not to live on benefits forever?').

I personally wouldn't want that life... I expect to have our second child, and when both are in nursery I will be doing a part time degree in midwifery. After being a midwife for some time I intend to specialise into neonatal nursing. For the time being I am a full time mum and carer. I live off of carers allowance, and don't 'sponge' on either income support or JSA (no offense to anyone who is on either of these benefits) and while some people might consider carers allowance to be a benefit, I consider it to be more like a wage because caring for a disabled adult truly can be like a full time job.

---

To answer the original question, I'm not currently TTC, but I am a teen mum of one (surprise! baby) and waiting to try for another. When we do try for our second, I will be 20, but only by one month. :D


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## Uvlollypop

theres no need to get on the defensive. 

my question ment what it said, ella said she didnt expect benefits etc etc i was interested to see what she would expect if she got pregnant say today as i wrote in my previous post.
im not that much older than you and was pregnant and alone at 18 i by no means have any issue with teen mums.

i have an issue with under 18s ttc though. 

ella its great that you have a good support network and your family around you


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## TashaAndBump

Uvlollypop said:


> theres no need to get on the defensive.
> 
> my question ment what it said, *ella said she didnt expect benefits etc etc i was interested to see what she would expect if she got pregnant say today as i wrote in my previous post.*
> im not that much older than you and was pregnant and alone at 18 i by no means have any issue with teen mums.
> 
> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.
> 
> ella its great that you have a good support network and your family around you

Well I believe Ella had already answered that question - she does not expect to live off of benefits and get a coucil house over night by getting pregnant. I assume then that meants Ella, that you intend to be stable financially and have your own place before TTC? She did after all say that she was not trying for a baby any time soon...

As for regarding under 18's TTC, I don't think you can put them all in the same boat... If ANYONE intends to get pregnant without the means to support themselves or the baby, and without being in a stable relationship, or to look after the baby well, then I think everyone would agree there's an issue there. HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.

There are many over 18s who get pregnant intentially when they are unable to look after the baby as well as there being younger people who stupidly get pregnant under mislead beliefs that it will bring them love, or fill a whole in their life, or will get them a free house and benefits.

I don't mean to be overly defensive - I just mean to clarify that not all teens expect an easy life of benefits and freebies - Some people really do know what they are doing when they decide to have a baby. Under 16s is a different story, but once you have left school if you have your own house and life (rather than being under your parents roof) I really do think it is down to individual choice. After all, who said that you have to have a degree to have a baby? (I know you didn't) but society seems to have taken this approach to parenting whereby if you've not gone to uni and aren't married then you're an idiot to start a family - It is my strong belief that being financially sound, and in a supportive, loving relationship is more than good enough foundations to build a family on.


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## Lu28

Sounds like you've definitely thought it all through Tasha and I would definitely agree with you that anyone who plans on getting pregnant without thinking through how they will manage financially and emotionally etc should think twice.

PS I admire you for caring full time for an adult, I was full time carer for my mum for a little while and it goes well beyond a full time job:hugs:


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## Uvlollypop

TashaAndBump said:


> Uvlollypop said:
> 
> 
> theres no need to get on the defensive.
> 
> my question ment what it said, *ella said she didnt expect benefits etc etc i was interested to see what she would expect if she got pregnant say today as i wrote in my previous post.*
> im not that much older than you and was pregnant and alone at 18 i by no means have any issue with teen mums.
> 
> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.
> 
> ella its great that you have a good support network and your family around you
> 
> *
> Well I believe Ella had already answered that question - she does not expect to live off of benefits and get a coucil house over night by getting pregnant. I assume then that meants Ella, that you intend to be stable financially and have your own place before TTC? She did after all say that she was not trying for a baby any time soon...*
> 
> As for regarding under 18's TTC, I don't think you can put them all in the same boat... If ANYONE intends to get pregnant without the means to support themselves or the baby, and without being in a stable relationship, or to look after the baby well, then I think everyone would agree there's an issue there. HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, *some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.
> *
> There are many over 18s who get pregnant intentially when they are unable to look after the baby as well as there being younger people who stupidly get pregnant under mislead beliefs that it will bring them love, or fill a whole in their life, or will get them a free house and benefits.
> 
> I don't mean to be overly defensive - I just mean to clarify that not all teens expect an easy life of benefits and freebies - Some people really do know what they are doing when they decide to have a baby. Under 16s is a different story, but once you have left school if you have your own house and life (rather than being under your parents roof) I really do think it is down to individual choice. After all, who said that you have to have a degree to have a baby? (I know you didn't) but society seems to have taken this approach to parenting whereby if you've not gone to uni and aren't married then you're an idiot to start a family - It is my strong belief that being financially sound, and in a supportive, loving relationship is more than good enough foundations to build a family on.Click to expand...

she did answer the question, there was no need for you to jump in gettin all defensive, i was curious that was all.
i was one of those people who left home young (14!) and fully understand that all teens cannot be tarred with the same brush i have come up against alot if nasty things because society has a strange view on teens. however i still believe that under 18s shouldn't ttc and i dont think anyone could change my mind. 

im the first to jump in on here and defend any of the younger members who are being for want of a better word 'attacked' for being a teen mum/pregnant i resent the implication that im one of the people that is doing it!


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## TashaAndBump

I don't intend to make you look like the bad guy at all. I know you're a lovely person. I'm just playing devil's advocate and putting the other side of things across.

like I say, I'm not trying to be defensive, I'm just trying to clarify that not all teens can be put into the same boat, so IMHO you can not say that NO under 18s should be TTC.

That is just my view. I don't appreciate you jumping in telling me there's no need to put my view into the mixing bowl! Honestly, hun - I'm not criticizing you or trying to be argumentative - I'm just putting another viewpoint out there. I'm sorry if you misunderstood my intentions or if I put them across poorly!

*hugs*?


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## StirCrazy

TashaAndBump said:


> IMHO you can not say that NO under 18s should be TTC.

In the UK anyone under the age of 18 is technically a minor. You cannot drink, smoke, get married (without parent consent), own a creditcard/get credit or enter into any legal contract... So are you saying in some circumstances TTC under the age of 18 should be encouraged/supported. I only ask because this is something that has been bought up recently about what is allowed on BnB.


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## Wobbles

Uvlollypop said:


> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.

So do I although it depends if the 17 year old falls in school year or not! Under 17 is my bigger issue.

I don't like supporting a 16 or below on BabyandBump TTC in fact I want it to become apart of the rules.

I won't support my daughter trying for a baby at that age (school age) so why would I here? If shes left school and she makes this decision you know what I'd never shut the door on her but it would be her life and her time to move on supporting her own family choices not Mummy & Daddy doing it.


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## Jayden'sMummy

TashaAndBump said:


> Uvlollypop said:
> 
> 
> theres no need to get on the defensive.
> 
> my question ment what it said, *ella said she didnt expect benefits etc etc i was interested to see what she would expect if she got pregnant say today as i wrote in my previous post.*
> im not that much older than you and was pregnant and alone at 18 i by no means have any issue with teen mums.
> 
> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.
> 
> ella its great that you have a good support network and your family around you
> 
> Well I believe Ella had already answered that question - she does not expect to live off of benefits and get a coucil house over night by getting pregnant. I assume then that meants Ella, that you intend to be stable financially and have your own place before TTC? She did after all say that she was not trying for a baby any time soon...
> 
> As for regarding under 18's TTC, I don't think you can put them all in the same boat... If ANYONE intends to get pregnant without the means to support themselves or the baby, and without being in a stable relationship, or to look after the baby well, then I think everyone would agree there's an issue there. HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.
> 
> There are many over 18s who get pregnant intentially when they are unable to look after the baby as well as there being younger people who stupidly get pregnant under mislead beliefs that it will bring them love, or fill a whole in their life, or will get them a free house and benefits.
> 
> I don't mean to be overly defensive - I just mean to clarify that not all teens expect an easy life of benefits and freebies - Some people really do know what they are doing when they decide to have a baby. Under 16s is a different story, *but once you have left school if you have your own house and life (rather than being under your parents roof)* I really do think it is down to individual choice. After all, who said that you have to have a degree to have a baby? (I know you didn't) but society seems to have taken this approach to parenting whereby if you've not gone to uni and aren't married then you're an idiot to start a family - It is my strong belief that being financially sound, and in a supportive, loving relationship is more than good enough foundations to build a family on.Click to expand...

:( I'm 17 an have a little boy who was born when i was 16 and i still live at home with my mum. i couldn't have done this without my mum :(. everything else you say is so true though x


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## TashaAndBump

Supporting a girl in school and living at home to have a baby is one thing... Supporting a young woman of 17 years who has left compulsary education, has a full time job, lives with their OH and has decided that having a child will be their next step, however? I think that is a different matter altogether. 

Having said that, I think 'supporting' is the wrong word: I simply believe we shouldn't _judge_ someone for TTC, simply because they are under 18. I would only discourage somebody from trying for a baby if I knew their full circumstances, and thought they were getting themselves into something that they truly weren't prepared for, or did not understand the extent of the life-change that they were committing to. I don't think you can say that goes for all under-18s.


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## Wobbles

> HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.

I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!

Young girls get pregnant most of the time unplanned & BabyandBump has a support area for that I don't judge or think less of a teen Mum just because I won't support a girl at school age TTC & I don't find a 16TEEN & a 19TEEN on the same wave lenght of what age is acceptable to actively try bring another life in to todays world.


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## TashaAndBump

Rachel16+Bump said:


> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Uvlollypop said:
> 
> 
> theres no need to get on the defensive.
> 
> my question ment what it said, *ella said she didnt expect benefits etc etc i was interested to see what she would expect if she got pregnant say today as i wrote in my previous post.*
> im not that much older than you and was pregnant and alone at 18 i by no means have any issue with teen mums.
> 
> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.
> 
> ella its great that you have a good support network and your family around you
> 
> Well I believe Ella had already answered that question - she does not expect to live off of benefits and get a coucil house over night by getting pregnant. I assume then that meants Ella, that you intend to be stable financially and have your own place before TTC? She did after all say that she was not trying for a baby any time soon...
> 
> As for regarding under 18's TTC, I don't think you can put them all in the same boat... If ANYONE intends to get pregnant without the means to support themselves or the baby, and without being in a stable relationship, or to look after the baby well, then I think everyone would agree there's an issue there. HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.
> 
> There are many over 18s who get pregnant intentially when they are unable to look after the baby as well as there being younger people who stupidly get pregnant under mislead beliefs that it will bring them love, or fill a whole in their life, or will get them a free house and benefits.
> 
> I don't mean to be overly defensive - I just mean to clarify that not all teens expect an easy life of benefits and freebies - Some people really do know what they are doing when they decide to have a baby. Under 16s is a different story, *but once you have left school if you have your own house and life (rather than being under your parents roof)* I really do think it is down to individual choice. After all, who said that you have to have a degree to have a baby? (I know you didn't) but society seems to have taken this approach to parenting whereby if you've not gone to uni and aren't married then you're an idiot to start a family - It is my strong belief that being financially sound, and in a supportive, loving relationship is more than good enough foundations to build a family on.Click to expand...
> 
> :( I'm 17 an have a little boy who was born when i was 16 and i still live at home with my mum. i couldn't have done this without my mum :(. everything else you say is so true though xClick to expand...

Aww hun! I'm not saying you should move out and stop relying on your mum the second you get pregnant! Especially if that pregnancy was an accident! I do believe that you shouldn't intentionally get pregnant if you are still living at home, and intend to depend on your mother after having the baby, too. 

I don't think it's fair when people TTC when they are living at home without discussing it with their parents first - as the parents of the teenager doing so will have to change their lives completey an adjust to having a baby live at home, which they never planned for. If you see what I mean?

If you get pregnant accidentally and your parent supports you, it's a different matter altogether and I think that's lovely that you have that support, hun. x


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## Wobbles

NOBODY *judged* but people have commented in their option that they won't *support* a certain age TTC! Don't mix judging & supporting they mean two different things and once you point at someone and deem them 'judging' you put them in bad light when thats not how it is at all.

I think people have the right to openly say they won't 'support' a girl in school years try to conceive!


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## TashaAndBump

Wobbles said:


> HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.
> 
> I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!
> 
> Young girls get pregnant most of the time unplanned & BabyandBump has a support area for that I don't judge or think less of a teen Mum just because I won't support a girl at school age TTC & I don't find a 16TEEN & a 19TEEN on the same wave lenght of what age is acceptable to actively try bing another life in to todays world.Click to expand...


Again, I'm not encouraging anyone to TTC. I'm just saying that not all under-18s who try for a baby are getting themselves into something they don't understand or won't do well. Some people are well off financially, have a supportive OH, and decide that they want a family as their next step - because they did things a little differently, and may have done everything else they want to do before having a child. I wouldn't encourage somebody in that situation because it's not my place - but I wouldn't judge or discourage them, either - It's not my place.


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## Jayden'sMummy

TashaAndBump said:


> Aww hun! I'm not saying you should move out and stop relying on your mum the second you get pregnant! Especially if that pregnancy was an accident! I do believe that you shouldn't intentionally get pregnant if you are still living at home, and intend to depend on your mother after having the baby, too.
> 
> I don't think it's fair when people TTC when they are living at home without discussing it with their parents first - as the parents of the teenager doing so will have to change their lives completey an adjust to having a baby live at home, which they never planned for. If you see what I mean?
> 
> If you get pregnant accidentally and your parent supports you, it's a different matter altogether and I think that's lovely that you have that support, hun. x

I don't rely on my mum nor do i depend on her for money etc.. i support myself and my baby by myself, i started college yesterday an have a Saturday job, i am doing my best to support my baby and make a better future for us before i move out, i feel i can do that in time without a rush. 

i know you didn't mean any harm by it nor anyone else, just when your actually one of the under17s this is aimed at makes me feel a little down thats all. yeh under 18s ttc is a bit silly, i would have loved to have had my childhood however i wouldn't change my baby/my life for the world :cloud9: xx


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## TashaAndBump

Wobbles said:


> NOBODY *judged* but people have commented in their option that they won't *support* a certain age TTC! Don't mix judging & supporting they mean two different things and once you point at someone and deem them 'judging' you put them in bad light when thats not how it is at all.
> 
> I think people have the right to openly say they won't 'support' a girl in school years try to conceive!

Again, I have already said that I wouldn't support somebody in school TTC. I think my posts have been misread. 

I'm stepping out here - as I feel *I* am being put in a bad light, when I am simply trying to put my view across that not all under 18's trying for a baby are doing something wrong.


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## TashaAndBump

Rachel16+Bump said:


> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> Aww hun! I'm not saying you should move out and stop relying on your mum the second you get pregnant! Especially if that pregnancy was an accident! I do believe that you shouldn't intentionally get pregnant if you are still living at home, and intend to depend on your mother after having the baby, too.
> 
> I don't think it's fair when people TTC when they are living at home without discussing it with their parents first - as the parents of the teenager doing so will have to change their lives completey an adjust to having a baby live at home, which they never planned for. If you see what I mean?
> 
> If you get pregnant accidentally and your parent supports you, it's a different matter altogether and I think that's lovely that you have that support, hun. x
> 
> I don't rely on my mum nor do i depend on her for money etc.. i support myself and my baby by myself, i started college yesterday an have a Saturday job, i am doing my best to support my baby and make a better future for us before i move out, i feel i can do that in time without a rush.
> 
> i know you didn't mean any harm by it nor anyone else, just when your actually one of the under17s this is aimed at makes me feel a little down thats all. yeh under 18s ttc is a bit silly, i would have loved to have had my childhood however i wouldn't change my baby/my life for the world :cloud9: xxClick to expand...

Ohh I didn't mean that either! I said that if you TTC and intend to depend on your parents for money and a place to live then that is questionable, but when I said it's good that your parents support you I meant emotionally and in the other ways that they did - re: the support you mentioned earlier that you 'couldn't have done all this without'.

Hun, I didn't mean to offend you at all. Or anyone :(


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## TashaAndBump

StirCrazy said:


> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> IMHO you can not say that NO under 18s should be TTC.
> 
> In the UK anyone under the age of 18 is technically a minor. You cannot drink, smoke, get married (without parent consent), own a creditcard/get credit or enter into any legal contract... So are you saying in some circumstances TTC under the age of 18 should be encouraged/supported. I only ask because this is something that has been bought up recently about what is allowed on BnB.Click to expand...

I never said it should be encouraged. I just said that you can't say that in all cases it is wrong.


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## x_Rainbow_x

ok im nt here 2 argue fight or p!ss anyone off just 2 put my opionin across... the thought of under 18s TRYING to get pregnant does slightly annoy me. mainly for the fact i think your teenage years are for living... going out experimenting having fun. I got preg at 18 married at 19. im now nearly 21... i dont have a carrer, and i gave up my life 2 move away from everything and live with my husband.
if my kids came 2 me at any age under 18 and said mum i want a baby, i think id be mortified and cry.. some of you can use the * well its my life im an adult line* but just think maybe your parents want the best for you... yes im trying for a baby but im 21 and married.
yes there are teens who fall pregnant under 18, sometimes by accident or watever. i dnt agree with abortion thefore should look after what they made. and yes iv seen some great parents who are under 18 but thats only because they have to due to gettingt pregnant by accident..

dont sit there and plan a baby under 18.. go out get p!ssed and party untill your feet are blistered...

there will be a time when you think right iv partied hard.. iv drank untill i could now i wanna settle. 
try when you no you have everything inthe world for you your partner and your baby :)

hope that didnt affend any1


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## TashaAndBump

Wobbles said:


> HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.
> 
> I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!
> 
> Young girls get pregnant most of the time unplanned & BabyandBump has a support area for that I don't judge or think less of a teen Mum just because I won't support a girl at school age TTC & I don't find a 16TEEN & a 19TEEN on the same wave lenght of what age is acceptable to actively try bring another life in to todays world.Click to expand...

Before I step out altogher, I would like to clarify that I would never encourage a 16TEEN year old to TTC - as I have said from the very first post, a SCHOOL AGE girl and somebody who has left school and supports themselves etc are completely different cases. I would never support somebody in school and living at home unable to support their own family to TTC. And I never said that I would.

I stand by that you can't put all under 18s in the same boat, though! Some 17 year olds genuinely do know what they are doing when they decide to start their own family.


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## StirCrazy

TashaAndBump said:


> Some 17 year olds genuinely do know what they are doing when they decide to start their own family.

I agree to a certain degree, but where do you draw the line (and who is qualified to make that distinction)? This is why we have a Teen Pregnancy forum and not a Teen TTC forum.


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## Uvlollypop

ah crap look what i started.


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## TashaAndBump

Uvlollypop said:


> ah crap look what i started.

You didn't start anything, hun. This thread was always going to provoke controversial debate, and as I understand it, the babyandbump team were already considering a ban on the encouragement of teenagers TTC, so the way I see it, this conversation was pretty inevitable? Hope it's okay to say that?

Regarding the question of the line, StirCrazy, was that hypothetical or would you like an answer?

My answer would be that I don't think there is a line. Every individual is different, which is what I have been trying to say throughout. You can not place all people of the same age in the same boat. You can say for instance, that under no circumstances should people who are not ready or who can not support themselves let alone a family be 'encouraged' to have kids. HOWEVER all people of a certain age? No (within reason - obviously for dependent, school-age kids it's a no-go), because no age group is entirely the same - every 17 year old is an individual and has their own individual circumstances, as is the case of every person of all ages. For some 28 year olds starting a family would be a bad move, I think you can say that for the majority of under-18s it's not the smartest thing in the world, but you cannot say that all under 18s are doing something wrong by making the conscious decision to TTC.

Unless you know their situation, you can't really say whether they should or shouldn't be trying for a family. That's just my opinion and I hope it doesn't upset anyone.

Please let me know if I am out of place by pushing this view - if you are definately going to place a new rule that you say it's okay for some under18 (but above school age) couples to TTC, then please let me know - I don't want a ban! I couldn't live without BnB atm!


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## moomin_troll

i think at any age its a massive thing to be pregnant or ttc and at 16 although i seemed older than i was i understood that i was still a baby and even tho im now 20 and pregnant its still a huge thing to deal with and is very difficult both pysicaly and mentaly.

i do think its stupid (if thats the right word) to ttc under the age of 18 as ur not even classed as an adult and yes u may work but that doesnt mean ur stable.

im not sayin under 18's r bad mums because of their age i just think its abit daft to plan to have a baby so young seen as ur a baby urself.

then again we cant say just cuz someone id over 18 that they are ready for a baby either cuz i no some people over the age of 20 who act like complete children still.

my baby was planned but came at a time i wasnt expecting it so unplanned to a extent and it was such a big shock now both me n my oh work full time im a administrator n hes in the army n yet we are finding it so hard n baby isnt even here yet.

full time jobs doesnt mean ur ready to support a baby so i think people should stop using that as a reason they are ready for a baby.


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## TashaAndBump

moomin_troll said:


> i think at any age its a massive thing to be pregnant or ttc and at 16 although i seemed older than i was i understood that i was still a baby and even tho im now 20 and pregnant its still a huge thing to deal with and is very difficult both pysicaly and mentaly.
> 
> i do think its stupid (if thats the right word) to ttc under the age of 18 as ur not even classed as an adult and yes u may work but that doesnt mean ur stable.
> 
> im not sayin under 18's r bad mums because of their age i just think its abit daft to plan to have a baby so young seen as ur a baby urself.
> 
> then again we cant say just cuz someone id over 18 that they are ready for a baby either cuz i no some people over the age of 20 who act like complete children still.
> 
> my baby was planned but came at a time i wasnt expecting it so unplanned to a extent and it was such a big shock now both me n my oh work full time im a administrator n hes in the army n yet we are finding it so hard n baby isnt even here yet.
> 
> *full time jobs doesnt mean ur ready to support a baby so i think people should stop using that as a reason they are ready for a baby*.

No but it's a factor. I used it more to distinguish between the different types of teens (i.e. school going and dependent or self-sufficient and financially stable) rather than as a reason to have a baby or a sign they are for sure ready.

As you said, some over-20s are not ready to have a baby and act they like children, so how can you say that all under 18s are babies and not ready to have children? I would agree that's the majority are not ready to start a family, but I don't think you could say they couldn't be just because they are under 18. Everybody is different.


----------



## moomin_troll

i also said that im not saying under 18s r bad mums just because of their age i simply said in the eyes of the law they are still children.

i was 19 when me n oh started talking about a family so im not against teen pregnancy i just think at a certain age u shouldnt start ttc cuz between the ages of 16-19 is when we do our most growing up finding out who we are and what we want and i think planning a baby at that time isnt the right thing to do after all why not wait?


----------



## polo_princess

Wobbles said:


> HOWEVER not all under 18s live at home with their folks, some people leave school at 16, get a full time job, rent their own home, pay their own bills etc etc.
> 
> I went out in to the big wide world at 16 I had my own flat had to pay my own bills fight for my own way in life I just can't image doing that with a baby it was HARD & a baby is HARD work - worth it certainly (bring your own in to this world) but not enough to encourage a 16 TTC just because they 'could' get their own place struggle with their bills NOTHING these days falls at your feet easily!Click to expand...

I agree ... some under 18's do do this but lets face it, like wobbs has said nothing falls at your feet easily.

We cant realistically say that a 16/17 year old can be in the right position to activrely TTC. Come on it takes years of hard work and commitment to build up a "decent" and stable life for yourself, it doesnt happen overnight you have to work at these things. Ok so they may have a job/car/house but i would put money on it that at that age 99% of it is financed/loaned/rented ... is that really how you would want to live life?


----------



## moomin_troll

also has anyone thought about the medical side. after all u have to be 16 plus to have sex and thats because ur body is just about ready to be able to cope with sex that doesnt mean ur body will be able to handle a pregnancy.

this point might sound stupid but i thought id add it lol


----------



## TashaAndBump

moomin_troll said:


> also has anyone thought about the medical side. after all u have to be 16 plus to have sex and thats because ur body is just about ready to be able to cope with sex that doesnt mean ur body will be able to handle a pregnancy.
> 
> this point might sound stupid but i thought id add it lol

The law is actually to stop people who are not emotionally mature enough being taken advantage of by older, potentially harmful adults. Also this law is there to stop people falling pregnant at an age where they would be considered totally unable in every sense to cope with parenthood. This is a very controversial point and let me be VERY clear that I disagree with sex below the age of consent, I would not encourage sex any earlier than that - if the relatioship was right for sex, it would last out until the participants were both legally old enough, but the female body is 'ready' for sex at quite a young age - It's different for everybody, but I think the average age the female human body reaches that point in puberty is about 14? Again - I would not encourage sex at that age, in fact I think it is very, very wrong.


----------



## moomin_troll

TashaAndBump said:


> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> also has anyone thought about the medical side. after all u have to be 16 plus to have sex and thats because ur body is just about ready to be able to cope with sex that doesnt mean ur body will be able to handle a pregnancy.
> 
> this point might sound stupid but i thought id add it lol
> 
> The law is actually to stop people who are not emotionally mature enough being taken advantage of by older, potentially harmful adults. This is a very controversial point and let me be VERY clear that I disagree with sex below the age of consent, I would not encourage sex any earlier than that - if the relatioship was right for sex, it would last out until the participants were both legally old enough, but the female body is 'ready' for sex at quite a young age - It's different for everybody, but I think the average age the female human body reaches that point in puberty is about 14?Click to expand...

so if u think that people under 16 who feel they are ready for sex should wait then why dont u think the same should apply for people to wait until they are classed as adults to wait to have babies!


----------



## NickyT75

I dont think anyone is really saying that under 18s cant make good mums or cant be ready to have children (as mentioned above - every case is different so it wouldn't be fair to say this), 
The teen pregnancy section is really valuable & offers fantastic support to teens who find themselves in that situation but I think the issue is more that the forum doesn't necessarily want to be seen to be encouraging under age girls to TTC as this could be seen as irresponsible on their part? & I feel it would be very unfair to put the forum in a bad position if say for example a 16 year old girl joined & decided to get pregnant after being encouraged to do so by other members of this forum.
Then her parents discovered that she'd been posting on here prior to falling pregnant & decided to hold our admin responsible???

I hope you can see what im trying to say? the admin have got a lot bigger things to worry about & people need to see the bigger picture here.

Please nobody take offence :hugs: I am only trying to help xx


----------



## TashaAndBump

moomin_troll said:


> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> also has anyone thought about the medical side. after all u have to be 16 plus to have sex and thats because ur body is just about ready to be able to cope with sex that doesnt mean ur body will be able to handle a pregnancy.
> 
> this point might sound stupid but i thought id add it lol
> 
> The law is actually to stop people who are not emotionally mature enough being taken advantage of by older, potentially harmful adults. This is a very controversial point and let me be VERY clear that I disagree with sex below the age of consent, I would not encourage sex any earlier than that - if the relatioship was right for sex, it would last out until the participants were both legally old enough, but the female body is 'ready' for sex at quite a young age - It's different for everybody, but I think the average age the female human body reaches that point in puberty is about 14?Click to expand...
> 
> so if u think that people under 16 who feel they are ready for sex should wait then why dont u think the same should apply for people to wait until they are classed as adults to wait to have babies!Click to expand...

They are two completely separate things. Also, the law is there because under the age of 16 a girl is considered unable to cope with a potential accidental pregnancy, this suggests that above that age a woman would cope? 

There is no law against having a baby above the age of 16 - there is a law against having sex below it, though!


----------



## Lyrah

Forgive me if I'm being a bit blonde here (like usual haha) but..

What do you all mean about the fact there's going to be a ban on teens TTC?

I'm a little confused on what's meant by it.

xx


----------



## moomin_troll

NickyT75 said:


> I dont think anyone is really saying that under 18s cant make good mums or cant be ready to have children (as mentioned above - every case is different so it wouldn't be fair to say this),
> The teen pregnancy section is really valuable & offers fantastic support to teens who find themselves in that situation but I think the issue is more that the forum doesn't necessarily want to be seen to be encouraging under age girls to TTC as this could be seen as irresponsible on their part? & I feel it would be very unfair to put the forum in a bad position if say for example a 16 year old girl joined & decided to get pregnant after being encouraged to do so by other members of this forum.
> Then her parents discovered that she'd been posting on here prior to falling pregnant & decided to hold our admin responsible???
> 
> I hope you can see what im trying to say? the admin have got a lot bigger things to worry about & people need to see the bigger picture here.
> 
> Please nobody take offence :hugs: I am only trying to help xx

this is a very good point n yes this is the reason we dont have a teen ttc forum because i no i wouldnt be impressed if a forum was telling my 16yr old its a goof thing to ttc and giving them pointers. would give the sitea bad name if someone took it further


----------



## TashaAndBump

NickyT75 said:


> I dont think anyone is really saying that under 18s cant make good mums or cant be ready to have children (as mentioned above - every case is different so it wouldn't be fair to say this),
> The teen pregnancy section is really valuable & offers fantastic support to teens who find themselves in that situation but I think the issue is more that the forum doesn't necessarily want to be seen to be encouraging under age girls to TTC as this could be seen as irresponsible on their part? & I feel it would be very unfair to put the forum in a bad position if say for example a 16 year old girl joined & decided to get pregnant after being encouraged to do so by other members of this forum.
> Then her parents discovered that she'd been posting on here prior to falling pregnant & decided to hold our admin responsible???
> 
> I hope you can see what im trying to say? the admin have got a lot bigger things to worry about & people need to see the bigger picture here.
> 
> Please nobody take offence :hugs: I am only trying to help xx

This is very well written.


----------



## TashaAndBump

Phhhew, I think people have misunderstood my posts entirely. I want you to know I would never encourage a school age girl to TTC. My point has always been that you can never say that NO under 18s (above school age) are ready to TTC, although most would benefit from waiting a year or two. And that my point has never been about encouragement nor discouragement - I see how the forum would look bad for encouraging minors to start a family - especially if they are dependent and living at home with their parents, but there is a difference between encouragement and acceptance or understanding, and as for whether it is possible a 17 year old could know what they were doing, decide to have a baby and it be one of the best things they ever did? Entirely possibly in my opinion.


----------



## moomin_troll

Lyrah said:


> Forgive me if I'm being a bit blonde here (like usual haha) but..
> 
> What do you all mean about the fact there's going to be a ban on teens TTC?
> 
> I'm a little confused on what's meant by it.
> 
> xx

u are blonde arent u lol u no im joking. everyone is saying there is a reason we dont have a forum for teens ttc because it could make the site look bad.


----------



## moomin_troll

TashaAndBump said:


> Phhhew, I think people have misunderstood my posts entirely. I want you to know I would never encourage a school age girl to TTC. My point has always been that you can never say that NO under 18s (above school age) are ready to TTC, although most would benefit from waiting a year or two.

this is the same point we have all been trying to make!


----------



## Alexis

im 19 and my fiance is 18. weve been together for 2 years. he is doing basic trainging for the army right now. were TTC.


----------



## Lyrah

Lol I sure am :D Everyone laughs at my blonde moments.. I have them most of the time :rofl:

Ahh I see, that's understandable. But.. does this mean I'm going to get a ban if I talk about the fact me and OH are TTC.. because I'm 18?


----------



## TashaAndBump

moomin_troll said:


> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> Phhhew, I think people have misunderstood my posts entirely. I want you to know I would never encourage a school age girl to TTC. My point has always been that you can never say that NO under 18s (above school age) are ready to TTC, although most would benefit from waiting a year or two.
> 
> this is the same point we have all been trying to make!Click to expand...

That's what I mean about I think people have misunderstood my posts - this is all I've been trying to say throughout!


----------



## StirCrazy

NickyT75 said:


> I dont think anyone is really saying that under 18s cant make good mums or cant be ready to have children (as mentioned above - every case is different so it wouldn't be fair to say this),
> The teen pregnancy section is really valuable & offers fantastic support to teens who find themselves in that situation but I think the issue is more that the forum doesn't necessarily want to be seen to be encouraging under age girls to TTC as this could be seen as irresponsible on their part? & I feel it would be very unfair to put the forum in a bad position if say for example a 16 year old girl joined & decided to get pregnant after being encouraged to do so by other members of this forum.
> Then her parents discovered that she'd been posting on here prior to falling pregnant & decided to hold our admin responsible???
> 
> I hope you can see what im trying to say? the admin have got a lot bigger things to worry about & people need to see the bigger picture here.
> 
> Please nobody take offence :hugs: I am only trying to help xx

Couldn't have put it better myself. Thanks Nicky :D


----------



## x_Rainbow_x

did anyone read my opionin or did it get lost on page 3? lol


----------



## moomin_troll

TashaAndBump said:


> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> Phhhew, I think people have misunderstood my posts entirely. I want you to know I would never encourage a school age girl to TTC. My point has always been that you can never say that NO under 18s (above school age) are ready to TTC, although most would benefit from waiting a year or two.
> 
> this is the same point we have all been trying to make!Click to expand...
> 
> That's what I mean about I think people have misunderstood my posts - this is all I've been trying to say throughout!Click to expand...

i think people have maybe taken ur posts the wrong way because several of us have made this point n u have made a comment on another part of the post so it caused confusion.

no one has said under 18s will be bad mums but i think everyone will admit even the young mums themselfs its not the perfect age to start a family even tho i no they wouldnt change it for the world


----------



## moomin_troll

Tracie87 said:


> ok im nt here 2 argue fight or p!ss anyone off just 2 put my opionin across... the thought of under 18s TRYING to get pregnant does slightly annoy me. mainly for the fact i think your teenage years are for living... going out experimenting having fun. I got preg at 18 married at 19. im now nearly 21... i dont have a carrer, and i gave up my life 2 move away from everything and live with my husband.
> if my kids came 2 me at any age under 18 and said mum i want a baby, i think id be mortified and cry.. some of you can use the * well its my life im an adult line* but just think maybe your parents want the best for you... yes im trying for a baby but im 21 and married.
> yes there are teens who fall pregnant under 18, sometimes by accident or watever. i dnt agree with abortion thefore should look after what they made. and yes iv seen some great parents who are under 18 but thats only because they have to due to gettingt pregnant by accident..
> 
> dont sit there and plan a baby under 18.. go out get p!ssed and party untill your feet are blistered...
> 
> there will be a time when you think right iv partied hard.. iv drank untill i could now i wanna settle.
> try when you no you have everything inthe world for you your partner and your baby :)
> 
> so i agree with u :)
> 
> hope that didnt affend anyone


even tho im so happy that im having my baby i do think sometimes im only 20 i should still be out getting drunk and having fun, but i no i wont regret it but i no if i was 18 and under and pregnant i would think wtf am i doing because yes teenage yrs are ment to be fun and ur at the age where u can drink n got get drunk with mates n dance the night away n go on holidays.


----------



## Lyrah

I think my question got lost too lol


----------



## moomin_troll

Lyrah said:


> I think my question got lost too lol

i answered u lol think my post got lost too hahaha


----------



## Lyrah

:rofl:

Yeah I posted another question after your reply lol


----------



## Alexis

this seems to be more of a debate than a "Any teens TTC?" thread. ahaha i think myself and a few other girls have answered the origional question. thats it.


----------



## oxSarahxo

Tracie87 said:


> ok im nt here 2 argue fight or p!ss anyone off just 2 put my opionin across... the thought of under 18s TRYING to get pregnant does slightly annoy me. mainly for the fact i think your teenage years are for living... going out experimenting having fun. I got preg at 18 married at 19. im now nearly 21... i dont have a carrer, and i gave up my life 2 move away from everything and live with my husband.
> if my kids came 2 me at any age under 18 and said mum i want a baby, i think id be mortified and cry.. some of you can use the * well its my life im an adult line* but just think maybe your parents want the best for you... yes im trying for a baby but im 21 and married.
> yes there are teens who fall pregnant under 18, sometimes by accident or watever. i dnt agree with abortion thefore should look after what they made. and yes iv seen some great parents who are under 18 but thats only because they have to due to gettingt pregnant by accident..
> 
> dont sit there and plan a baby under 18.. *go out get p!ssed and party untill your feet are blistered...
> *
> there will be a time when you think right iv partied hard.. iv drank untill i could now i wanna settle.
> try when you no you have everything inthe world for you your partner and your baby :)
> 
> hope that didnt affend anyone

Can't say that's a good thing to advise either to be honest... For one, its still illegal. lol.

My partner (now 22), your average lad doesn't even drink/smoke/do drugs/party or whatever and never has. He spent his entire life in education and never had a partner until he met me... 

I on the other hand did the partying, I used to be a DJ in clubs and it just sort of came with the territory at the time. Now I don't drink or anything.

I can't say I'll be advising my daughter to do what I did and get p*ssed etc, it gets you no-where. A decent night out on the "lash" now will cost the thick end of £100... and doing that even once a week... If you stay in for 10 weeks and have a social drink or just go to a quiet pub, you could have bought yourself a runaround car... That'd be more advisable lol



*Back on topic : *the original question, I'm personally not TTC and wasn't TTC when I fell pregnant.


----------



## Jo

Lyrah said:


> Lol I sure am :D Everyone laughs at my blonde moments.. I have them most of the time :rofl:
> 
> Ahh I see, that's understandable. But.. does this mean I'm going to get a ban if I talk about the fact me and OH are TTC.. because I'm 18?

Oh dear i think some confusion has happened

You will not get banned from B'N'B for TTC at 18 not at all

All we are saying is that B'N'B as a whole cannot activley encourage **some* *teens to TTC 

** by this i mean 15/16 year olds, teens still in school, doing it to rebel whatever**
Phew i hope that has cleared it up a bit


----------



## Lyrah

Ohhh I see!:dohh:

Thank you for explaining that to me :)

Phew, I got really worried then!

Can't survive without BnB! :rofl:

Thanks :D

xx


----------



## x_Rainbow_x

i was was only pointing out to enjoy life while you can.. your only young once.


----------



## Ella

Hey everyone.. wow, I had no idea I'd spark such a massive debate.. By starting this thread, I didn't mean that I at all think people my age should be TTC.. God knows I'm not, I just wondered if anyone was and I was interested in talking to them and finding out more.. I certainly love kids but I know I definately don't want any yet.. I want to travel and enjoy myself before I have to settle down but I'm really happy about all the response and opinions this topic has got!
xx


----------



## TashaAndBump

moomin_troll said:


> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> moomin_troll said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> TashaAndBump said:
> 
> 
> Phhhew, I think people have misunderstood my posts entirely. I want you to know I would never encourage a school age girl to TTC. My point has always been that you can never say that NO under 18s (above school age) are ready to TTC, although most would benefit from waiting a year or two.
> 
> this is the same point we have all been trying to make!Click to expand...
> 
> That's what I mean about I think people have misunderstood my posts - this is all I've been trying to say throughout!Click to expand...
> 
> i think people have maybe taken ur posts the wrong way because several of us have made this point n u have made a comment on another part of the post so it caused confusion.
> 
> no one has said under 18s will be bad mums but* i think everyone will admit even the young mums themselfs its not the perfect age to start a family even tho i no they wouldnt change it for the world*Click to expand...

Actually I was 18 when I got pregnant, and I think it was the perfect time for me to start a family in my personal situation. And this is just what I mean - you can not say that for all people it's this or that - for most under 18s it's not the best time to start a family, but for some it could be.


----------



## Wobbles

But we can say whats right for this forum - This will be happening.We will not support under 18s TTC on BabyandBump!

Note this is teen pregnancy there is not teen TTC


----------



## TashaAndBump

Tracie87 said:


> i was was only pointing out to enjoy life while you can.. your only young once.

I enjoy my life more than ever now that I'm a mum - going out every Friday and getting rat arsed honestly has no appeal. I am still doing my degree when daughter is in nursery and when I want to I can travel the country and it's better because I get to do it with my own family! I even changed my whole ambition and life direction (becoming a midwife and neonatal nurse) because of my experience of pregnancy and birth. I can say with 100% honesty that getting pregnant when I did was the best thing that ever happened to me.


----------



## oxSarahxo

I have to agree with Wobbles, legalities are a major part of forums and the last thing anyone wants, i'm sure, is staff being held responsible for anything with regards a young girl ending up pregnant.

The world is an evil place and as the saying goes "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"... You imagine being the mother of a kid that's came on and for some reason been given the impression its a fab idea to TTC at a very very young age - that mother would be one very scorned woman and the first people she'd turn to is the owners/staff.


----------



## x_Rainbow_x

im glad it worked for you tasha i really am :) for some people its amazing.
i was just saying my opionin.
at 16 i was out being a dippy teen running round causing trouble.. my friend had a baby at 14. id known her all my life, as much as she loved her son more than anything she was devastated she wasnt able 2 join in all the stuff we did because she had to stay in coz of her son. but then my cousin had a baby at 15 and her life just blossomed.

just saying personally i think waiting untill 18+ is better. :)


----------



## TashaAndBump

Wobbles said:


> But we can say whats right for this forum - This will be happening.We will not support under 18s TTC on BabyandBump!
> 
> Note this is teen pregnancy there is not teen TTC

That's fair enough - I never questioned what bnb would officialy support or not! I never asked for or implied I would welcome a teen TTC section here!


----------



## Ella

I'm really sorry to the BNB team if you got the impression I was trying to encourage under 18s to TTC.. that was never my intention.. I was just wondering if there were any that are
xx


----------



## x_Rainbow_x

my post wasnt ment 2 upset or affend anyone. just my opionin :)


----------



## TashaAndBump

Tracie87 said:


> im glad it worked for you tasha i really am :) for some people its amazing.
> i was just saying my opionin.
> at 16 i was out being a dippy teen running round causing trouble.. my friend had a baby at 14. id known her all my life, as much as she loved her son more than anything she was devastated she wasnt able 2 join in all the stuff we did because she had to stay in coz of her son. but then my cousin had a baby at 15 and her life just blossomed.
> 
> just saying personally i think waiting untill 18+ is better. :)

Fair point :) Everyone's different, I guess and this is a perfect example.


----------



## Jo

Tracie i understand what you mean, i was 20 when i had Emily and looking back maybe i wish i had waited ( i was 15 when i got with Ant)
But saying that i think i am now going through my second teenagehood, tears tantrums and going out with the girls :lol:


----------



## Wobbles

Ella said:


> I'm really sorry to the BNB team if you got the impression I was trying to encourage under 18s to TTC.. that was never my intention.. I was just wondering if there were any that are
> xx

I didn't see you telling anyone to get pregnant ...

As usual some topics go on to debates or different of opinions! Don't worry.

:D


----------



## Ella

Okay good! I love debate.. I think it's great that people are free to express their opinions.. and personally, I wouldn't wanna TTC with my partner until maybe my early twenties? But I seem to come on here when one of my closest friends has a pregnancy scare as it put things in perspective for me and makes me realise how much a child would really affect my life and I just think that having someone your own age to talk to can help a lot.. I know if one of my friends (my age) came to me telling me she was TTC, I'd definately try and see what's making her feel like she's in 'a hurry'.. and by this, I don't mean that ALL under 18s aren't ready for children.. but I don't see why you can't enjoy your freedom while it lasts.

This is just my opinion, to all the young mums out there, it has no reflection on my opinion of you.
xx


----------



## Wobbles

Most times opinions are never personal hun - woudln't the world be boring if we all felt and thought the same. Sometimes things are taken personal that can't be helped thats just human really we all do it :D x


----------



## mBLACK

To answer the question, I will be TTC once I get my life on track - if that happens while I'm still in my teens, so be it. Because I have a part-time job (where I can bring my son) & am taking distant schooling it's going to be easier to find a place of my own, my own car, etc. Surely this won't happen until I'm at LEAST 18-19 or over, but I look forward to it.


----------



## princess_x0

Ella said:


> I'm not trying to start some witch hunt or whatever, I'm just wondering.. I'd really love to hear if any of you are?
> xx

Heey :)
Meant to be waiting 2 years as my ticker says. But I doubt we will, a year at the most :D
xxx


----------



## StirCrazy

mBLACK said:


> To answer the question, I will be TTC once I get my life on track - if that happens while I'm still in my teens, so be it. Because I have a part-time job (where I can bring my son) & am taking distant schooling it's going to be easier to find a place of my own, my own car, etc. Surely this won't happen until I'm at LEAST 18-19 or over, but I look forward to it.

I thought you were single? Is that a must for any prospective new b/f? 
That's quite an ask of a bloke at such a young age.


----------



## xXx Vamp xXx

moomin_troll said:


> i also said that im not saying under 18s r bad mums just because of their age i simply said in the eyes of the law they are still children.
> 
> i was 19 when me n oh started talking about a family so im not against teen pregnancy i just think at a certain age u shouldnt start ttc cuz between the ages of 16-19 is when we do our most growing up finding out who we are and what we want and *i think planning a baby at that time isnt the right thing to do after all why not wait?*

I was 18 when I began to TTC with my ex-fiance. He was told he wouldn't live past 18 years old as he suffers from Marfan syndrome, and has problems with his heart and his father died of the same thing when he was 21. When me and him got together we'd been close friends for many years and he was already turning 23. We'd been together a year when we decided to TTC. We decided we wanted a family together whilst we could, and therefore started trying at that age. I was working full time and have a full college education. It was what was right for us at that time. Unfortunately 2 and a half years of failed TTC was too much for us in the end and we ended up growing apart, but I'd never regret TTC at that age. I understand what you're saying about living your life whilst your young, and sometimes lifes situations are such that you can do that, but under the situation I had, and knowing that at any point my fiance could no longer be there? I think I did the right thing. 

Life had other plans for us though, and it didn't work out, but I still know in my heart it was right and in the same situation again I'd do the exact same thing.


----------



## Arcanegirl

We started TTC when i was 17, now truth be told neither of had jobs and we were on jobseekers, but as it turned out we had trouble concieving so we got jobs, got osme money together and here we are now as strong as weve ever been, in good jobs and pregnant.
But....i wouldnt support under 18s ttc either,
I know now we should have waited to at least get jobs before ttc, we were lucky to get ourselves sorted out before falling.

as for those who say live your life first, whilst i may be 21 now, i dont like to go clubbing, i dont have many friends around me, especially my age group so i consider my life as being having a decent job and staying at home and i would rather live my life with having kids.
If i choose to build up my career then i want to do that later on in my life.

Dunno why i posted really, just wanted to share our "history" and my opinion...


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## claire1983

I had my daughter at 21 and I was married been in relationship for 7 years and been desperate for a baby since I was 17. I wouldnt change my daughter for the world but having a baby was a shock and I thought I knew what to expect.... I didnt, my marriage failed and I am now going through a divorce. Lucky for me I am now with a great guy that I have known for 10 years and we are happier than ever, we live together and he loves my duaghter. But I have been in a well paid job for a number of years, one that I hate but feel trapped in as I have to provide. I want to be a midwife and I am applying to university to start a midwifery degree for 2009. But it hasnt been easy, I have had to make sure my new partner is on a really good wage to support me and my daughter because we will lose my income, it isnt easy starting a uni course when you have a child as you always have to support that child so you end up staying in jobs you hate cos you cant afford to go to univerisity unless your partner is lucky enough to have a really good job. In this credit crunch we are all stretched financially, everything is getting more and more expensive and people on 30k a year are even feeling the pinch, how can you possibly imagine living off an average 15k! I have been lucky and things are working out for me now but I have lost a lot of money going through all this and had to wait a long time to start the career I have wanted for years, its going to be financially hard and it would of been so much easier to be a student without the responsibility of being a mum. I could of house shared, lived off beans but with a child I have to make sure I can provide a stable home. I know I have waffled a lot but I think you should make something of your life, get a nice house and a career to provide for your kids before you have a baby, its only a few years and it goes so fast, at least that way you can concerntrate on them when they are born, rather than moving them about while you change house, career etc and worrying where the next meal is coming from cos your average job is not enough to realistically live off.


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## pennysbored

Uvlollypop said:


> ah crap look what i started.

Thats what I like about you, UV. Not scared to go against the grain.


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## TashaAndBump

Arcanegirl said:


> We started TTC when i was 17, now truth be told neither of had jobs and we were on jobseekers, but as it turned out we had trouble concieving so we got jobs, got osme money together and here we are now as strong as weve ever been, in good jobs and pregnant.
> But....i wouldnt support under 18s ttc either,
> I know now we should have waited to at least get jobs before ttc, we were lucky to get ourselves sorted out before falling.
> 
> *as for those who say live your life first, whilst i may be 21 now, i dont like to go clubbing, i dont have many friends around me, especially my age group so i consider my life as being having a decent job and staying at home and i would rather live my life with having kids.*
> If i choose to build up my career then i want to do that later on in my life.
> 
> Dunno why i posted really, just wanted to share our "history" and my opinion...

Couldn't have said it better myself - I'm 19 and my family is my life, which I love.


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## Ella

Truth be told, I'm not THAT much of a 'party animal', though I have done my fair share since I turned 16 haha..

But I definately think that having a family is a number one priority in my life and I completely adore kids, but I know that having just left college and looking for a full-time job.. There is no way I could give a child a financially comfortable life right now, though I also know if it did happen, I'd cope, just like everyone does :)
xx


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## claire1983

People say 'I'd cope if it happens' all the time, but would just wants to cope! You cant go away on holidays, go out for family meals buy nice clothes for yourself and kids or have a nice place to live in a good area to bring up kids. I know what its like I have been there when I was on my own after leaving my husband. You have to say no to every event cos you havent got any money and you dred people's birthdays coming up cos you know you cant get them much. You have to buy really cheap kids clothes and spend your time looking in the Next directory at all the lovely clothes you wish you could buy for them. Luckily I am not in that position anymore but I know a lot of people who are and have been for quite some time these are the people who said I'm waiting, I'm not trying and they are having unprotected sex with their partners every night and then say I dunno how that happened we weren't trying! If you dont want to 'just cope' make sure you are having safe sex until you are ready to get pregnant - too many people think it takes ages to conceive but I and many others get pregnant in the first month of trying so unless your ready right away dont start having unprotected sex otherwise you will 'just cope' forever like many of my friends.


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## AppleBlossom

I had Grace when I was 19, pregnant at 18. I don't understand why teens ttc. Ifit was an 'accident' like my pregnancy then there's not much you can do. I love Grace to bits but if I could go back to being able to have my freedom and do what I want when I want I would. There's so many things I wanted to do, like go to uni and get a house with mates. I can still go to uni but I won't be able to live with friends, have parties etc like teenagers are supposed to do. I admire young mums as I know how hard it is being one but it makes me sad to think that young girls are in such a hurry to throw all their freedom away. Don't get me wrong, having a baby is wonderful and I would be a hypocrite to say being a teen mum is a bad thing but for those who aren't in the situation of becoming pregnant by accident, wait until you're a bit older! The excitement of pregnancy, birth etc will still be the same. Enjoy the time you have to yourself first, having a baby is a lifetime commitment.


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## Ella

Oh Claire, I totally agree with you.. and by no means am I an 'accident waiting to happen'.. I'm on the pill and I know I wouldn't want to 'just cope' with a child.. I'd want my baby to have everything I wanted it to have, which is why I'm WTT :D
xx


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## heather91

I'd just like to add a point about the stability issue thing. I haven't read the whole thread so sorry if I'm repeating, but someone mentioned somewhere along the line about TTC being ok if you'rfe 16 but have moved out of your home and are renting, working full time, etc. I was just wondering how realistic this is in the current climate? When I found out I was pregnant (unplanned) my OH moved into my parents house with me, because even though we BOTH work full time there is no feasible way we could afford to pay rent/mortgage on a house and feed our baby and ourselves. [My wage is terrible though so I'm going back to college in the hope of persuing a career where we will be able to afford this!]

That's a genuine question not hypothetical btw. Also my opinion on teenagers TTC, I think TTC while still in compulsory education shouldn't be encouraged. x


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## heather91

Oh and can I just add (lol), I wouldn't recommend people to TTC at my age either (17) because you sort of immediately lose your childhood if that makes sense. Even though I class myself mature for my age, I do miss just being able to have fun with my OH instead of worrying about paying our rent, how we're going to afford things for the baby etc. I wouldn't change my pregnancy for the world though, I just wouldn't recommend it. x


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## Donna-marie

at the end of the day no matter what age you are every new mum has got to learn im 19 and havin my 1st and im just as scared as any new mum would be.so age doesnt matter it doesnt mean its a bad thing cuz ur young :)


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## Ella

Hey heather, I think what they meant is that anyone under 18 shouldn't _really_ be actively encouraged to be TTC BUT if they have finished compulsory education, stand on their 'own two feet', are in a stable loving relationship and can support themselves then it really is their own decision.

I think that no matter how old you are, you're always going to struggle financially (unless you're completely loaded) because obviously, the mother cannot work full-time anymore and the father's wage (I'm guessing) would be the only source of income.

I don't think *anyone* on this site would support girls/couples still in compulsory education TTC :)
xx


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## Dream.A.Dream

Oh my, i completely missed this entire thread. I'm not really sure what i think, I'm 19 so pretty young and was just wondering if i'd still be classed as a teen, because technically i am. I personally am wtt BUT that's only because my OH isn't ready, if he were then i'd probably be TTC so i guess most would disagree with that. But i also know that one, or maybe 2 years ago i would have been too young so i can see the difference. 

As far as I'm aware there's only one person on here that could possibly fit into the category of under 18 TTC. I sure wouldn't like to be her right now when she finds this thread. I also worry about what might happen to those who may have given her some advice, because i think that could include me. 

I don't know i'm confusing myself. But i can understand why BnB can't be seen as encouraging under 18's TTC and i think nicky's post explained that really well.


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## codex

Wobbles said:


> Uvlollypop said:
> 
> 
> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.
> 
> So do I although it depends if the 17 year old falls in school year or not! Under 17 is my bigger issue.
> 
> I don't like supporting a 16 or below on BabyandBump TTC in fact I want it to become apart of the rules.
> 
> I won't support my daughter trying for a baby at that age (school age) so why would I here? If shes left school and she makes this decision you know what I'd never shut the door on her but it would be her life and her time to move on supporting her own family choices not Mummy & Daddy doing it.Click to expand...

I also have an issue with this. And whoever said who's business is it...well it is everyone's because we pay taxes that pay the healthcare bills and welfare that too many young moms go on. Teens have no business getting pregnant on purpose.


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## Dream.A.Dream

codex said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Uvlollypop said:
> 
> 
> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.
> 
> So do I although it depends if the 17 year old falls in school year or not! Under 17 is my bigger issue.
> 
> I don't like supporting a 16 or below on BabyandBump TTC in fact I want it to become apart of the rules.
> 
> I won't support my daughter trying for a baby at that age (school age) so why would I here? If shes left school and she makes this decision you know what I'd never shut the door on her but it would be her life and her time to move on supporting her own family choices not Mummy & Daddy doing it.Click to expand...
> 
> I also have an issue with this. And whoever said who's business is it...well it is everyone's because we pay taxes that pay the healthcare bills and welfare that too many young moms go on. *Teens have no business getting pregnant on purpose.*Click to expand...

What age are you referring to here? What about those who are say 17+ and can afford to support themselves. Not all teen mums live off benefits/welfare.


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## princess_x0

Well I for one am a teen and currently wtt, but I don't see anything wrong with teens ttc as long as they are prepared and emotionally and financially stable I don't agree with teens getting pregnant for what they can get out of us tax payers.
I know for one if my daughter told me she was pregnant when she was at school, I would support her whatever decision she made. But I would not encourage termination. I would make her stand on her own two feet though, so she can learn how hard it is to make ends meet.


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## TashaAndBump

codex said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Uvlollypop said:
> 
> 
> i have an issue with under 18s ttc though.
> 
> So do I although it depends if the 17 year old falls in school year or not! Under 17 is my bigger issue.
> 
> I don't like supporting a 16 or below on BabyandBump TTC in fact I want it to become apart of the rules.
> 
> I won't support my daughter trying for a baby at that age (school age) so why would I here? If shes left school and she makes this decision you know what I'd never shut the door on her but it would be her life and her time to move on supporting her own family choices not Mummy & Daddy doing it.Click to expand...
> 
> I also have an issue with this. *And whoever said who's business is it...*well it is everyone's because we pay taxes that pay the healthcare bills and welfare that too many young moms go on. Teens have no business getting pregnant on purpose.Click to expand...

I think this may have been me. If so, the context I would have said it in was that if teenagers (17+) were independent, in a stable relationship and both emotionally and financially stable decided that they wanted to TTC as the next step in their life and relationship, THEN it would be none of our business. In which case, none of the stuff you said about taxes to pay healthcare and benefits is at all relevent.

I am a teen mother and I am not on any benefits (other than carers allowance, which as I have explained before is more like a wage imo). I care fulltime for my husband and we have nothing free - we rent a bungalow, we pay our bills, we do our shopping and we live independently as a young family. What I do (i.e. getting pregnant the first time, or getting pregnant again as we plan to do) is none of anyone's business except our own.


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## Alyandherbump

OK so i havent read all of this topic because its really long. I know all about what its like to be seen as a teen mum who is out to get all the benefits and a free house and whatever. Some of the looks i got from people when they found out that i was 3 months pregnant after my boyfriend and i had been together for 3 months were enough to make me question my decision to go ahead with the pregnancy (and let me just say how happy i am that no one else's view pressured me into a decision). People didn't want to know that i didnt try for this baby, although it is very much wanted now, and was waiting to ttc like so many others. They didnt want to know that actually me and my boyfriend have our own house and he has a very well paid job and plenty of money in the bank and savings (thanks to an inherritence). No one cared that we'd been best friends for 6 years before we admitted we had feelings for each other. People look at me and think.....teen mum, got pregnant sleeping around, will sponge off all our tax money. Its not fair to look at people like that and i will never be one of those people. I think if you are ttc then you must have your reasons and you must believe that you will be a good mum/parents and ultimately it is up to as it is your life and you will be responsible for the life you create and bring into this world. People of all ages get benefits for their children, not just teenagers, and plenty of older people are questionable parents. No one can say for sure who is going to be a good or bad parent. Each case is indevidual and i just wish people would ask more about my situation before they judge me, as im sure a lot of people here do aswell.

Ok my rant is over!!!!
xxxx


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## JayleighAnn

OP, I'm 18 and TTC :) And Lyrah, I fretted as much as you when it seemed that they were saying that we wouldnt be allowed as were teen and ttc :( but low an behold...we were just both being blonde lol


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## Ella

I still will never understand people giving women who look/are young and pregnant dirty looks in the street! But hey, their narrow-mindedness is their loss at the end of the day.

I have no issue with 18+ (even 17+ if like others say, they are in stable relationship and have the means to support the child) TTC. :)
xx


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## Angelface

TashaAndBump said:


> Aww hun! I'm not saying you should move out and stop relying on your mum the second you get pregnant! Especially if that pregnancy was an accident! I do believe that you shouldn't intentionally get pregnant if you are still living at home, and intend to depend on your mother after having the baby, too.


I'm still living at home, and i planned my baby...


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## Arcanegirl

Just to clarify 18+ TTC is fine on BnB, its just the under 18s that we dont really support/promote


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## Sarahkka

I'm a bit late to the discussion, but I'm really glad to have read this thread.
To be honest, I was quite shocked that there were teens with TTC on their avatars when I was first exploring Baby and Bump. I understood the supportive mentality of BnB, but I was really surprised that this might be part of that support.
Wobbles and Stir Crazy, I am really glad that you clarified that for me. I think you are right on about setting an age limit for TTC.
I know age is just a number, but I'm absolutely pissing myself that I'm going to have a baby in about 3 months, and I'm 32 with 7 years post-secondary education, world travelling, partner of 10 years and good jobs. I have all the supports we are theoretically supposed to have and I'm freaked out. I cannot imagine the stress of impending parenthood without financial and emotional support. We have so many amazing stories on this forum of really brave women making do when they found themselves accidentally pregnant, but all of them share that it's not easy. I guess I just wonder, why put yourself in such a tough situation if you don't have to?


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## Ella

Sarahkka, I think what you have to take into consideration is that people feel ready to have children at different times. You could have all the degrees and money in the world and still find parenthood daunting.

Obviously being financially and emotionally supported is a *huge* weight off your mind, as it were; but I don't think you can assume there are no teenagers ready to become parents.
xx


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## sparkswillfly

You may feel ready at 16 but there is no possible way you could be ready. You havent had time to grow up for a start. An 18/19 may have lived on their own for 2/3 years and worked during that time and built up a stable relationship. But at 16 you havent had time to do those things. You may want a baby but your not ready for one. You may not want to do other things like go to university or go travelling and you would rather have a family. But to just dive straight in at 16 is silly because it does its only going to be a positive thing to wait 3 or 4 years. And whats 3 years in the grand scheme of things. I was in a long term relationship from 14-17 and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with this person and I was happy and I thought that one day we would settle down together. But it didnt work out like that he ended up beating me and raping me one evening and no one could have predicted that. Thats an extreme example and obviously isnt going to happen to anyone on here but what Im trying to say is between the ages of 16-20 is when people grow up themselves and change so much. What you might want at 16, might not be what you want at 18.


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## Lissa&&bump

Im 19, 26weeks pregnant... was 18 when i first concieved! couldn`t be happier! sooo excited :)


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## Wobbles

I'm locking this thread.

We don't support under 18's TTC *fullstop *not open for debate no discussion not really worried if they feel they are ready or not - WE, BabyandBump do not will not support or encourage it.

This is teen pregnancy ...support for those girls who have found themselves pregnant at a younger age.

:)


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