# How to get over being scared after a miscarriage



## lemondrops

Since my period should be here any day, my midwife has given my husband and I the official clearance to start trying again. The only problem is... I still haven't convinced myself to have sex with him since we found out the pregnancy had ended (even before the miscarriage). Even any bits of physical affection make me flinch. To me, sex = pregnancy = miscarriage and I can't seem to get over it. 

Plus, so many people have said "oh, you can just try again!" To me, this isn't like dropping an ice cream cone on the ground and then going to buy another. Those sweet babies that I lost this month are NOT replaceable and even though I crave to be pregnant again, I don't want it to seem like I am replacing my lost babies. 

I want to try again, but I'm so scared. Plus, since I haven't had sex with my husband in almost two months, I don't want to make it seem like the only reason I'm doing it now is to make a baby. Ugh, I hate all of this.


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## Emum

Its only a very short time since your loss and you are still grieving. You need to do whatever is right for you, and if trying to conceive immediately is not right, then don't do it. As far as resuming a sex life is concerned, I would start small and move on. You don't need to have sex until you are ready but that doesn't rule out other forms of intimacy however small, and you may find that this brings you and your OH closer again and gives you some comfort. He will be grieving too, and would probably welcome some physical closeness even if this is just a cuddle in bed to start with.

No child is ever replaceable and you won't forget the two which are gone, but hopefully in time you will go on to have more children if that is what you both want.


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## BeachChica

Lemondrops - so sorry for your losses! Let me tell you, I don't think you ever stop worrying after you've experienced a loss. If fact I think it just keeps getting harder. But like Emum said, just do what's right for you. I think the physical closeness with your OH can help. Maybe if you just try to be intimate without thinking about trying for a baby it will help you through this hard time and when you're ready you will know it. Good luck to you!


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## xAmiixLouisex

So sorry for your loss hun. It is scary and worrying, I totally understand. I became pregnant after a loss but will always remember and you will too. I still think about my loss and I do get sad. But, I also appreciate my miracle! Do what you feel is right and when you are ready. Good luck. xx


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## MKHewson

lemondrops said:


> Since my period should be here any day, my midwife has given my husband and I the official clearance to start trying again. The only problem is... I still haven't convinced myself to have sex with him since we found out the pregnancy had ended (even before the miscarriage). Even any bits of physical affection make me flinch. To me, sex = pregnancy = miscarriage and I can't seem to get over it.
> 
> Plus, so many people have said "oh, you can just try again!" To me, this isn't like dropping an ice cream cone on the ground and then going to buy another. Those sweet babies that I lost this month are NOT replaceable and even though I crave to be pregnant again, I don't want it to seem like I am replacing my lost babies.
> 
> I want to try again, but I'm so scared. Plus, since I haven't had sex with my husband in almost two months, I don't want to make it seem like the only reason I'm doing it now is to make a baby. Ugh, I hate all of this.

Oh hun, I completely understand how you feel. I mc at 11.5weeks, naturally. It was a horrible process both physically and mentally. I remember having sex for the first time after, almost felt like a violation, I was disgusted. Until the mc my DH and I had a wonderful sex life, and now it suddenly felt foreign. It was incredibly hard for my DH who thought I was rejecting him, the best advice I have for you is talk to you partner. Let him know how you feel, and do not rush the process, for the sake of a few weeks. I am sending you hugs and support :hugs::hugs:


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