# Teen Parent Stigma



## Mariaa

I hate funny looks.

people who look at me in a spiteful way because of my age...
They wouldnt look at a pregannt 35 year old like that would they?

But how do they know that the 35yr old isnt going home and beating her children? or smoking crack?

Im going to be a good mum, that doesnt change cos of my age.

We cant win...its like, i think my life now, a house, starting a family etc, is better than clubbin every night, uni parties drugs sex and drinking....

Yet we're the ones who are looked down upon?
Our bodies are in their prime baby making time between 16 and 20... the only reason this is looked down upon now is because kids this age are ALOT more immature than they were 10/20 years ago.

If i had to choose a sensible person at 18 years old, it would be the mum...not the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly.

I know some people our age get a bad name, cos there are girls who do it for a house, or benefits etc, or who are incompetent, but we arnt all like that.

im in a council house, on benefits, which my family has never been before..but im here because i have no choice atm. And it doesnt make me, my OH or my daughter council estate pikeys....

Sorry. this stuff annoys me.


Rant over,
i feel better now :happydance:


----------



## Jadelm

I TOTALLY agree and I can see it from both sides!! Last year I was at uni and hated my course so instead of sorting it out I just blew my loan on parties and clothes, I literally went out EVERY night for a year, to the point where all the bouncers new me well :haha: It was fun for a while but it got to the point where I was like there has to be more to life than this and it got really really boring. A year later and I'm pregnant, home almost every night with my mum, I'm super organised with all my baby stuff and can't wait to have her, look after her, have my own place and then start on my career :) I feel like I'm finally an adult LIVING life than a teen/student learning about how I'm gonna live my life.. if that makes sense?

OF COURSE no offence to anyone at uni, this is just my personal experience I know not everyone's like that, I was just a bit of a party animal ;) xxx


----------



## RachelRae

I totally agree! 
The rude looks are not necessary. 
Just because were young doesn't mean anything.
Were all gonna be good moms. :happydance:


----------



## samface182

i rant about this to everyone. i hate the stares and the tuts. it annoys me so much, they judge us when they know NOTHING about us. but it is because teenagers have a bad name, like drinking, taking drugs, fighting and stuff. people need to realise that most teenagers arent like that. 

i have a nice home, i couldnt care less about alcohol and dont touch drugs. i am going to give my child the best life possible. just cos we aren't over 25 or whenever the 'accepted' age is, doesnt mean we aren't going to be the best mummies!

i know 40 year olds, who have children, are alcoholics and care more about vodka than their children. 

im gna stop, im going into the proper ranting mood :haha:
we just need to keep our chins up, we KNOW that we are going to be mums, f**k what other people think :)
xx


----------



## samface182

Jadelm said:


> I TOTALLY agree and I can see it from both sides!! Last year I was at uni and hated my course so instead of sorting it out I just blew my loan on parties and clothes, I literally went out EVERY night for a year, to the point where all the bouncers new me well :haha: It was fun for a while but it got to the point where I was like there has to be more to life than this and it got really really boring. A year later and I'm pregnant, home almost every night with my mum, I'm super organised with all my baby stuff and can't wait to have her, look after her, have my own place and then start on my career :) I feel like I'm finally an adult LIVING life than a teen/student learning about how I'm gonna live my life.. if that makes sense?
> 
> OF COURSE no offence to anyone at uni, this is just my personal experience I know not everyone's like that, I was just a bit of a party animal ;) xxx

that's exactly like me! i got alot of money left to me when my gran died which i got when i was 18. it mainly got spent on alcohol and clothes, which i totally regret. the bouncers all knew me well and i knew them all by their names lol. that was only a year ago, its mad how much i have changed. i dont care about alcohol or buying clothes for myself. i'd much rather sit in infront of tv, go to bed early and spend every spare penny on my little man.

i KNOW im going to be a good mum, all of us are :)

xx


----------



## Jadelm

Well said Sam :thumbup: Yeah I'm the same I don't even like shopping for myself now (unless it's for super comfy sweat pants or baggy t-shirts haha) but I get so much pleasure out of buying Evie things that it all goes on her :D xxx


----------



## flutterbaby

:hugs:i was 16 when i had my first and i can see what you mean about the looks you get but i think you dead wrong getting a rant off you chest judging and labeling others..... If i had to choose a sensible person at 18 years old, it would be the mum...not the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly..... i feel your rant will of offended alot people and your seem to be doing what you dont like happening to you ....labeling others 

i do understand your frustration as i had comments off people and was judged on my age i finished school lived with my mom worked full time and paid for everything myself yet people still commented oh your mom pays out alot for you and your son errr no i do it myself and they at me like i'm lying wtf :shrug:


----------



## Mariaa

flutterbaby said:


> :hugs:i was 16 when i had my first and i can see what you mean about the looks you get but i think you dead wrong getting a rant off you chest judging and labeling others..... If i had to choose a sensible person at 18 years old, it would be the mum...not the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly..... i feel your rant will of offended alot people and your seem to be doing what you dont like happening to you ....labeling others
> 
> i do understand your frustration as i had comments off people and was judged on my age i finished school lived with my mom worked full time and paid for everything myself yet people still commented oh your mom pays out alot for you and your son errr no i do it myself and they at me like i'm lying wtf :shrug:

i see what you mean, im not saying ALL 18 year olds are like that, but lets face it ALOT of them are.. all my pre-pregnancy friends are doing just that. There are some great kids, but alot of teens are like that whether we like it or not :S


----------



## aob1013

Unfortunately hun, even though it isn't fair it is something you will just have to get used to xxx


----------



## strawberry19

i had dirty looks from old people when i went to get my tests!! little do they know we were actually trying for a baby!! we have our own home a great relationship and great jobs and live quite comfortably if anything i know this baby will make my life even better!! so i dunno what sort of looks il get when ive got a big bump!


----------



## Sarah10

Aww, i get awful looks too! Its annoying since my nephew (who we aren't allowed to see)'s mother who is 30, spends all her child benefit/benefits on herself, ie, sunbeds, false nails, new hair every week, and her child doesn't have anything to wear!


----------



## Mommyoftwins

Yesterday when i went into have my babies, and even now when im still at the hospital, i have been getting dirty looks from the other mums and they are keeping their babies as far away from me as posible, like teen pregnancy is catchable!


----------



## Mariaa

Mommyoftwins said:


> Yesterday when i went into have my babies, and even now when im still at the hospital, i have been getting dirty looks from the other mums and they are keeping their babies as far away from me as posible, like teen pregnancy is catchable!

thats absolutely awful. congrats tho :)
we put up with it because its all worth it in the end :)
xx


----------



## RachelRae

Mommyoftwins said:


> Yesterday when i went into have my babies, and even now when im still at the hospital, i have been getting dirty looks from the other mums and they are keeping their babies as far away from me as posible, like teen pregnancy is catchable!

Wow, people are so rude.
You just gave birth to 2 amazing little girls. :cloud9:
But, I guess thats how people are! Oh well, screw them.:flower:


----------



## AriannasMama

I am almost 21 and still get dirty looks from some people. Don't get it...


----------



## November1984

I feel your pain. I am 25 and without makeup look rather young. I get stares, when people ask me how far along I am I tell them...many times immediately they reply telling me how young I am. I tell them my age and they act like they have more approval towards my pregnancy + the 2 year old I already have.


----------



## amy_2

I think there is definitely a stigma on teenage parents. Lots of people resent teenage parents as spongers with no sense of responsibility. Because most of us work hard at school to get into university and contribute to the workforce. 

Study after study reveals that teenage pregnancy is significantly correlated with low-socio economic status, lack of education and low aspirations.

Most of us childless women would like to be having kids, but we delay it to do the "responsible" thing. And some end up resenting teenage parents. I have seen young mums myself, and I have to admit, many of them do have sub-standard conditions for raising their babies, NOT all, but many. 

There is often a negative attitude to teen parents, because people think they are lazy with contraception, or there is something missing in their lives to make them want a baby so young. Some people also think, why couldn't they just wait a few years, till their 20's?

But I definitely don't think all teen parents should be tarred with the same brush. People should be taken on an individual basis.


----------



## Mommyoftwins

umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.


----------



## amy_2

Mommyoftwins said:


> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.

TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable. 

There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.

If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.


----------



## Mommyoftwins

Uhh if ur gonna criticize us, then im pretty sure im speaking for all of us when i say ur not welcome here.


----------



## sjb1985

amy_2 said:


> Mommyoftwins said:
> 
> 
> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.
> 
> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.Click to expand...

Sorry im not a teen, im 24 but im going to jump in. What you said about contraceptive failure being a 'flimsy excuse' is just wrong. I am pregant with a much wanted suprise, i was on the 3 monthly contraceptive injection, have been since DS was born nearly 4 years ago, and ALWAYS got it done at the right time, and we always used condoms (the ribbed for her pleasure infact :blush:) and here i am 18 weeks down the line! There is also a thread on 3rd tri titled 'was your baby planned or a nice surprise' and 80% of answers was it was an unplanned surprise. Will you be going over to that board and telling them that they are full of flimsy excuses?

From what i have read on this teen section a lot of these girls are a hell of a lot more mature than most people my age, but there always has to be 1 judgemental person like you tarring them all with the same brush and keeping the teen mum stigma alive


----------



## Mommyoftwins

thank you so much for saying that sjb.


----------



## sjb1985

No worries. I just dont understand why people would look on this section if they have such a problem with the people in it :shrug:

I was 20 when i had DS, in a good relationship, my own house and a good job but still got all the looks!

xx


----------



## Mommyoftwins

thats terrible. for most of us here, we were in stable relationships, we were using birth control, and by the time we realized something had gone wrong and we were pregnant, it was too late to use plan B. a lot of girls are in college or highschool, work part time jobs, or are trying to make it work.


----------



## amy_2

sjb1985 said:


> amy_2 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Mommyoftwins said:
> 
> 
> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.
> 
> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.Click to expand...
> 
> Sorry im not a teen, im 24 but im going to jump in. What you said about contraceptive failure being a 'flimsy excuse' is just wrong. I am pregant with a much wanted suprise, i was on the 3 monthly contraceptive injection, have been since DS was born nearly 4 years ago, and ALWAYS got it done at the right time, and we always used condoms (the ribbed for her pleasure infact :blush:) and here i am 18 weeks down the line! There is also a thread on 3rd tri titled 'was your baby planned or a nice surprise' and 80% of answers was it was an unplanned surprise. Will you be going over to that board and telling them that they are full of flimsy excuses?
> 
> From what i have read on this teen section a lot of these girls are a hell of a lot more mature than most people my age, but there always has to be 1 judgemental person like you tarring them all with the same brush and keeping the teen mum stigma aliveClick to expand...

I mean that "contraceptive failure" cannot explain the majority of teen pregnancy. It definitely doesn't add up. Although I know there are some cases which were genuinely an accident and the woman was using reliable contraception.


----------



## sjb1985

Congratulations on twins by the way :) x


----------



## Mommyoftwins

amy_2 said:


> sjb1985 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> amy_2 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Mommyoftwins said:
> 
> 
> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.
> 
> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.Click to expand...
> 
> Sorry im not a teen, im 24 but im going to jump in. What you said about contraceptive failure being a 'flimsy excuse' is just wrong. I am pregant with a much wanted suprise, i was on the 3 monthly contraceptive injection, have been since DS was born nearly 4 years ago, and ALWAYS got it done at the right time, and we always used condoms (the ribbed for her pleasure infact :blush:) and here i am 18 weeks down the line! There is also a thread on 3rd tri titled 'was your baby planned or a nice surprise' and 80% of answers was it was an unplanned surprise. Will you be going over to that board and telling them that they are full of flimsy excuses?
> 
> From what i have read on this teen section a lot of these girls are a hell of a lot more mature than most people my age, but there always has to be 1 judgemental person like you tarring them all with the same brush and keeping the teen mum stigma aliveClick to expand...
> 
> I mean that "contraceptive failure" does not explain the majority of teen pregnancy. Which seems to be what she was implying. It definitely doesn't add up. I know there are some cases which were genuinely an accident and the woman was using reliable contraception.Click to expand...

ummm i said most for a reason. cause it was MOST of us on this site that it was probably contraceptive failure.


----------



## halas

congratulations on you twin mommyoftwins... amy_1 yes there are teens that werent careful but the way you put it verry much came accross like critisism towards us teen mums there are many of us on this forum that got prregnant while on a contraception i was on the pill i took it religously same time each day still got pregnant and i wouldnt call her and accident she was defiantly a suprise. please if you choose to come over to the teen section and reply to our threads dont crisitisise us or make those comments we get it enough as it is we dont need it in the forum to,


----------



## Mommyoftwins

Yes, this is our "safe haven" on this forum, and the second you come into our teritory and start criticizing us then you are taking away one place where we are understood.


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

amy_2 said:


> Mommyoftwins said:
> 
> 
> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.
> 
> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> *If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.*Click to expand...

I'm sorry, but I'm really offended by this. My daughter, as much as I love her, was not planned. I was not on the pill, we didn't use a condom, nor did I take the morning after pill. Why? Because my DOCTOR told me I was unable to conceive naturally. So why would I think to take TMA pill? Why would I need to be on birth control? Condoms were used for STD/STI protection only. But after we'd been tested there was no need for them anymore.

Obviously, my doctor was wrong about the condition of my reproductive system. But if you were a young teenager and your doctor told you that you couldn't conceive naturally, would you really think they were wrong?

Not every situation is black & white and you don't know every person's story.


----------



## aob1013

amy_2 said:


> Mommyoftwins said:
> 
> 
> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.
> 
> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.Click to expand...

I really don't understand it when someone comes into this section and starts belittling us.

I take it you had an unplanned teenage pregnancy? :roll:
I took the pill religiously, and i fell pregnant. Are you going to tell me i am lying? I'm sure if i told you i have been with my partner 4 years, we are engaged, both work, have our OWN house your mind would change. It's not like you are even much older than any of us, you are only 22 :roll:

My son was an accident, and i am proud to say that i don't relate to the 'study after study' of low whatever :D

All of us girls are bloody fantastic young women, and don't deserve a bashing by you. Especially on a thread where the original topic was about teenage parent stigma.

Unfortunately, the world isn't black and white, and i hope you grow out of your extremely narrowminded and ignorant attitude.

I'm reporting you.


----------



## Mommyoftwins

thank you! she is poison to our little safe haven. :)


----------



## flutterbaby

i also was on the pill and had my periods every month reguarly i was a size 10 and hadn't got any bigger i only went to doctors as my milk was leaking and i thought i had an infection or something he asked me do to a test and it was positve i almost fell off the bed i was rushed for a scan and it comfirmed i was 26 weeks already :shrug:i sobbed my heart out you right it wasn't what i had planned my life out to be but i wouldn't change my kids for the world the docs changed my pill and i always wore a condom after that i've planned my other 2 boys and was in hospital every month as i continued to have my period with all of them infact this is the only one i've not bled at all so i'd say i'm had a defo form of a welcome suprise and i wouldn't change a thing my son made me grow up and i count my blessings i have all my kids as many woman can't


----------



## surprise5

amy_2 said:


> Mommyoftwins said:
> 
> 
> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.
> 
> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.Click to expand...

hi,im expecting my 5th baby,who was not planned (but a nice surprise) as we were using condoms.im 36, husband is 38,and with working,having 4 other kids ranging from 4yrs-12yrs,its usually a kiss goodnite and straight to sleep for us lol..so "contraception failure" can happen


----------



## Mommyoftwins

thank you all ur non teens for coming to us and supporting us against this poisionous person


----------



## Youngling

amy_2 said:


> Mommyoftwins said:
> 
> 
> umm seriously? its not exactly most of our choices. many of us were using condoms or birth control pills. and most of us originally DID NOT WANT to have a baby so young! and for us, the responsible thing is to take responsibility for our actions and not have an abortion, and raise these children to the best of our abilities.
> 
> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.Click to expand...

Do u honestly not think before you speak.
I think that u have really upset alot of people with ur opinions and I think you owe an apology.
Please keep ur opinions to urself especially if ur going to upset people with them.
Im 21 and my pregnancy was not planned. Am I irresponsible too? I really couldnt care less of ur opinion on me, Im having a baby and me and my OH are dealing with it like we should.
Alot of teen parents are alot more responsible then a 40 year old parent.
Maybe u should stay away from this section in future.
xx


----------



## aob1013

^ wss!


----------



## Jo

Morning girls :)

Please can we get back to the OP
Amy_2 this thread was not about contaception failures it was about the stigma attached to being a teenage mum, If you have nothing constructive to add I suggest you step away from the thread, talking about contaception etc... is a bit like shutting the door after the horse has bolted in this case.
( not saying you girls weren't being responsible :) )


----------



## mixedmama

amy_2 said:


> TBH I don't really think there is any excuse for having an "accident" pregnancy in this day and age. There is so much reliable contraception available such as the pill, condoms, contraceptive implant, and if anything goes wrong there is the morning after pill. All of these methods are extremely reliable.
> 
> There is no excuse for the high rates of teen pregnancy. You cannot say it was all due to "contraceptive failure". That's a very flimsy excuse. It just doesn't add up.
> 
> If you didn't make him wear a condom, use the pill reliably or take the morning after pill when needed, then it was planned.

Your comment is very rigid, and you obviously don't have all your facts right. Contraception is NEVER 100% reliable, everybody knows that...
and FYI the morning after pill is NOT a reliable back-up method either.
I took it within less than 12 hours after contraception 'failure' yet I still fell pregnant.

Maybe it's because we're young and fertile..

Oh well, this has been the best 'accident' that has happened to me :cloud9:


----------



## Mommyoftwins

also, by the time some of us realized we had contraception failures, it was too late to get morning after, cause it wasnt exactly the morning after. ahah.


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

Agree with what every one else has said

xx


----------



## Jadelm

Yup agree with everyone else. And I for one am super happy to be having my little girl while I'm young. My mum had me when she was 19 (sadly didn't have anymore kids as she couldn't) and has LOVED it and now I'm older she's got all her independance back and she's still young enough to enjoy it, whereas a stark contrast is her best friend who is now coming up to 40, she put off having kids and has now kinda got it that she probably won't have them (she's in a serious relationship but hasn't been for very long after she had a divorce and he's had the snip anyway) and we didn't realise she was that bothered, but since I got pregnant she's opened up a bit and she says it's been the biggest regret of her life and that she didn't think she could handle kids now anyway cos her life is too complicated whereas if she could've picked any time in her life to have them it would have been in her early 20s! And they were all sayin on Loose Women the other day they wish they'd had kids younger/were glad they'd had their kids young so I think we should be happy with the hand we have been dealt as it has as many pros as it does cons, if not MORE :happydance: xxx


----------



## stacey1984

Hey girls

Just wanted to say its not just teens that get the stigma... i fell pregnant with my first at 23 i was 2 month into a new relationship... my boss at the time asked me if i was making the right decision as it was a lot to take on (my partner also has a daughter who was 22 month at the time)
2 and a half years later we r still together engaged to be married hopefully some time in 2011 and expecting out new arrival in just over 8 weeks!

oh n to the girl who said accidents don't happen... i was on the pill had been since 14 due to hormones ....yet I have a 19 month old child!... must be immaculate conception haha!


----------



## stephholloway

I understand where you are coming from girlies both my sisters we teenage mums. But what you seem to be missing is no one cares if your going to be a good mum or not! They want to label you a scrounger and carry on with there self centred judgemental lives!
Just dont let them get to you! Yes there is alot of work shy, drug & drink using benefit theiving young parents out there but if you know thats not you hold your head up and tell them if you wanted there opinion you would have asked for it!
Much loves! xxx
https://lmtf.lilypie.com/2gMTp1.png 
https://tickers.fortunebaby-download.com/pregnancy-tickers-ladyes/11/28/2009/1/pregnancy-ticker___.png


https://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;10017;42/st/20100904/dt/5/k/dee9/preg.png


----------



## Jadelm

stephholloway said:


> Yes there is alot of work shy, drug & drink using benefit theiving young parents out there

and there are just as many work shy, drug & drink using benefit theiving OLDER parents too! But I agree, these people don't care about who we are or why we are pregnant/how we feel about it, they just like to label and in some small way it makes them feel better about their own lives when really they just don't have a clue xxx


----------



## Mommyoftwins

Stupid labelers :)


----------



## halas

yep i hate how people put a label on us. the other day i was in a shop gabrielle was on my hip and a lady starts saying hello to gabrielle then i moved gabrielle to the other hip she saw my bump and gasp and said oh no another one i felt like she was about to growl at mee for being pregnant but the silly part is she saw my oh and noticed the ring on my fingger and was suddenly all excited about my lo having a brother it was verry weird


----------



## Jadelm

People are sooo strange! xxx


----------



## bowbangles

A year later and I'm pregnant said:


> I totally agree with you! And have done exactly the same as you! so many people, including "friends" have been really quite nasty about my decision Im glad your thinking like me!


----------



## bowbangles

I'm 19 and have had loads of people being quite openly nasty about the fact that I am pregnant. I think im going to make a good mum, and I'd much prefer to be a young mum anyway, I will have more energy than someone later in life. Im not sure I could put my body through this in any more that 10 years!


----------



## totallyashley

bowbangles said:


> I'm 19 and have had loads of people being quite openly nasty about the fact that I am pregnant. I think im going to make a good mum, and I'd much prefer to be a young mum anyway, I will have more energy than someone later in life. Im not sure I could put my body through this in any more that 10 years!

Same. I have learnt who my true friends are. A lot of my friends opinion of me changed and they said some rather nasty things. Better to have them out of my life now then when Daisy arrives.

Also to the person (or people who are reading this and have the same views) I maybe 17 and pregnant (18 by the time she will arrive) however I have been in my relationship for 6 years! My OH and I have grown up together and are as strong if not stronger than some of the "adult" couples that we know. He is starting a job from July which the starting rate is £30,000 a year and he has a degree. I am starting uni next year and hopefully we would have saved enough money living with our parents to afford to put a deposit down on a house. That would be our own house and not one given to us because we decided we wanted a house and had a baby to make that possible. Is that shocking for you? Oh yeah I work part time too. Nearly everything we have brought our little girl is out of our money. The only thing given to us are grand presents from our parents and my OH's adult brother and small things from friends. We both drive and brought our cars our self and pay for everything for them. I think we have a lot of prospect and a lot to give our little girl. She may have been a suprise but it is not like we can't give her the world is it?


----------



## CookieDough23

To be honest I can see why people do.

Many many teenage girls get pregnant because their sleeping with every Tom, Dick and Harry going or they were too irresponsible to use protection (I admit, i've done it myself (the no contraception bit). Many of them don't have any qualifications from School or College, many don't have a job. And so people look at it "why have children if you haven't secured a future for yourself yet", which I do kind of agree with.....BUT I also know that not every teenage Mum is useless. Some do, do a fantastic job. But people do look at it as though they have wasted their life, because let's face it, as teenagers, were still are technically growing up ourselves.

And so, because the stereotypical teenager Mum is "useless", "lazy", got no job, no qualifications, no future prospects. Some have kids for benefits or to get a house, or because they couldn't be bothered using protection, or because their friends are having kids. All of which of course are wrong reasons for having babies. And so, because of this stereotypical view, people think every teenage Mum is like this, hence them frowning upon every pregnant teen they see. I admit, i've done it myself, though that was more because you could blatantly tell they were chavs, thick gold jewelry, fag in the hand, vulgar language coming from their mouth.

On the other hand, there is nothing to say every older Mum is a great one. I know that from experience, i'm one of four children, all of us have different Dad's and none of us have our Mum anymore. None of us know each other either. Two of which are in care. My Mum is a druggie, stabbed her boyfriend, abandoned her kids, so yeah, not every older Mum does a great job.

Overall you shouldn't care what people think about you. At the end of the day, it's your baby, you might aswell enjoy your pregnancy regardless of what other people think of you. Good luck to all you ranting ;) ladies with your pregnancy and bubba :flower:

Oh and OP you've just stereotyped every uni student. I will be going to university in September, I won't be sticking coke up my nose, or drinking every night, or visiting the STI clinic every week.......... I think it's a bit hypocrital to whinge about people judging you because you have a bump in tow, when your making judgements about uni students. I'm not having a go at you, i'm just saying I completely disagree with that. And if you want people to stop making judgements about you, maybe you could make it a two way system.


----------



## aob1013

Your post was just as uncalled for :roll:


----------



## rubixcyoob.

I hate the looks you get too!
However, I hold my head high and just move on. They aren't going to get a reaction out of me because that's exactly what they want. They don't know me and therefore I just laugh off their comments, they cannot make an honest, non biased opinion on a subject they know nothing about.

I was/am a uni student and the majority of people I know are not out drinking every night and doing drugs and down the clinic for tests and such. I do feel that was a little judgmental because not everyone is like that - it depends on the person, just like parenting. The ones I know are more than careful because they do not want anything nor a baby, they don't sleep around and go out maybe 2/3 times a week max because the work is that demanding.
But yes, I have seen the people you are talking about - not to the extent you have seen. A girl on my course went out every night, got so drunk she broke her foot/arm etc.etc. and decided to drop the course because she 'couldn't be bothered'.



amy_2 said:


> I think there is definitely a stigma on teenage parents. Lots of people resent teenage parents as spongers with no sense of responsibility. Because most of us work hard at school to get into university and contribute to the workforce.
> 
> Study after study reveals that teenage pregnancy is significantly correlated with low-socio economic status, lack of education and low aspirations.
> 
> Most of us childless women would like to be having kids, but we delay it to do the "responsible" thing. And some end up resenting teenage parents. I have seen young mums myself, and I have to admit, many of them do have sub-standard conditions for raising their babies, NOT all, but many.
> 
> There is often a negative attitude to teen parents, because people think they are lazy with contraception, or there is something missing in their lives to make them want a baby so young. Some people also think, why couldn't they just wait a few years, till their 20's?
> 
> But I definitely don't think all teen parents should be tarred with the same brush. People should be taken on an individual basis.

I am sorry, but I am not of a low social or economic status and I definately do not lack aspiration or education. At 16 I started uni after being ahead in school all through my life. I am now finished my first year and well on my way of fufilling my dream of becoming a Solicitor and then hopefully and Advocate also. Tell me, would you class me the same way you have classed a pregnant teenager?
Why couldn't I wait a few years? Ehm, because it would mean having an abortion. I did have contraceptive failure. Drunk and condoms do not mix and by the time you realise that a mistake has occured, its too late to take any bloody pill.
You say take people on an individual level, maybe you should practice what you preach?


----------



## CookieDough23

thedailymail said:


> Your post was just as uncalled for :roll:

And how did you come to that conclusion? Was it uncalled for because I expressed by opinion and it disagreed with yours? 

Not once did I say anything against you ladies, besides the OP about the uni thing. I merely justified why people would.


----------



## bowbangles

totallyashley I completely agree with you I too am due to be a teenage mum I don't think that makes me any less responsible and quite frankly I think I have a lot more common sense than many people twice my age. 
and cookiedough23 FYI


> chavs, thick gold jewelry, fag in the hand, vulgar language coming from their mouth./QUOTE] range from 13-63 its not a "teenage thing"
> 
> 
> If I conduct myself well can provide for my baby and offer her a stable upbringing Im doing better than most.


----------



## aob1013

CookieDough23 said:


> thedailymail said:
> 
> 
> Your post was just as uncalled for :roll:
> 
> And how did you come to that conclusion? Was it uncalled for because I expressed by opinion and it disagreed with yours?
> 
> Not once did I say anything against you ladies, besides the OP about the uni thing. I merely justified why people would.Click to expand...

No, because of the way you worded it :D


----------



## strawberry19

people just need to remember that AGE is only a number it doesnt make you a rubbish mum if you are young!!! i for one am glad to be having a baby at 19.. il be 20 next month and oh will be 22 when bubs is here!!.. people seem to forget that there are alot older mums who couldnt care less for their kids!! AGE shouldnt matter anymore!!


----------



## bowbangles

Totally ... also Im not sure that I'll be feeling the sleepless nights in later life! I'm glad to do this while I have lots of energy!


----------



## rainbows_x

Age doesn't define a parent at the end of the day.
I know some AMAZING teenage mums & some awful 30 year old mums, and vice-versa.
I am willing to do everything I can to make my babies life happy & fullfilling, yeah I may not have a career or my own home, but this little girly will be born to a loving mummy & daddy & family, age has f-all to do with it :D


----------



## strawberry19

yeah thats true im used to lack of sleep anyway!! :haha: 

i work in a nursery and seriously people can not tar teenage mums all with the same brush its just wrong when there are older women with kids who just dont have a clue how to look after them its pathetic really is! i have alot of teen mum babies in the nursery all always come in clean and well dressed healthy food etc so please people should just not judge yes there are a few teenage mums who do give us a bad name but we are not all the same!! do people not take into account storys of older mums killing their babies or having social services involved because they are not fit to bring up a child..

the whole system is just wrong and people should keep their petty comments to themselves


----------



## bowbangles

rainbows_x I LOVE YOUR PIC :) beautiful


----------



## rainbows_x

bowbangles said:


> rainbows_x I LOVE YOUR PIC :) beautiful

Aww! Thankyou lovely xx


----------



## aob1013

^ She's pretty sexy tbf :haha: xx


----------



## strawberry19

:haha: it is a lovely bump


----------



## rainbows_x

Aww you guys :blush:

You will make me go crazy with hormones in a min!
xxx


----------



## emmylou209

i dnt see how ppl can judge wen they dnt no wot sort off parent were gonna be... my family sed after i became pregnant its better as ur still young full of energy and can cope with the body changes whereas wen my mom had my bro at 26 she didnt cope as well as she did with me at 19..... we all want wots best for our child and no one can say young mom = a bad mom......

edit - only we know that


----------



## hot tea

I think the stereotype of teen mothers is just as bad as the stereotype you just gave to university students. 

Stereotypes are generalizations of the truth. Yes, some university/college students party it up and do drugs and go for the drugs, sex, rock and roll lifestyle. Alot do not. Just like many teen moms don't take care of their children properly, spend their money frivolously, do not finish school, end up welfare cases, and don't contribute anything to society other than popping out babies. 

And see, the thing with us is we always think we're the exception to the rule. 

Just food for thought...


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

> Just like many teen moms don't take care of their children properly, spend their money frivolously, do not finish school, end up welfare cases, and don't contribute anything to society other than popping out babies.

No I would say they are a minority.
xx


----------



## hot tea

I never said they were a majority - but yes, there are many who do do that unfortunately. I like to believe that good, loving parents outweigh the amount of bad ones. BUT they are still there! 

Everyone is judged for one thing or another, you know? It's stupid and I think everyone should just mind their own business. No child is less than another just because of who parents them, no person is less for making questionable mistakes either. Within reason anyways.


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

Agree, I have been called a slag, told to abort aidan, asked if I was ashamed etc

I think there are good and bad parents of all ages. People just seem to focus on the ones the media portrays the most
xx


----------



## LizzieC

I'm 17 (18 in a few weeks) and hoped I wouldn't experience this as I've always looked older than I am, but in the last couple of weeks, as my bump's shaped up and I've started to look obviously pregnant, I've really noticed a shift in the way people look at me, it seems if you look a day under 24 it's all but unnavoidable :/

My mum left having me and my brother to her 30s, had two extremely complicated pregnancies and births and was told she should not have any more children, she was utterly devestated and says not having children earlier is her biggest regret in life. She frequently tells me she honestly doesn't believe she gained anything in waiting, and would never criticise a teenage mother for having a baby at the age nature intended, whether society agrees or not.

Like most of the girls here my pregnancy was not planned (NOT because of irresponsibility, I've never understood how despite all the reports of contraception not being 100% reliable some people decide whenever a baby's made either planning or stupidity must be involved) but I fully intend to be the best mum to my LO I can be, something I don't believe you have to be over 25 to do. It's a shame people can be so short-sighted but it seems it's just something we have to deal with :/


----------



## hot tea

Aidan's Mummy said:


> Agree, I have been called a slag, told to abort aidan, asked if I was ashamed etc
> 
> I think there are good and bad parents of all ages. People just seem to focus on the ones the media portrays the most
> xx

That makes me sick to my stomach! I can't believe anyone would have the nerve to say that, especially the abortion comment. 

LizzieC, I totally agree. It is not as if when you reach 24 or 25 you are suddenly going to be supermom. That is just ridiculous. Things happen and it is just up to us to make the best of a situation that isn't ideal. 

I, for one, think of my teen motherhood as a blessing!


----------



## CuriousCat

Yes, I am a teen. Yes, I am pregnant. Did I plan on it? No. But it is here, so I am dealing with it, as all mothers to be must. How shoudl that make me any different from a 25 year old dealing with an unplanned pregnancy?


----------



## MikaylasMummy

i am 24 years old and got a dirty look from an older lady today when i was walking through the shops with a pregnant belly and a two year old!24!!!its so stupid cos they all had babies when they were your age!so theyr just hypocrits!


----------



## MommyGrim

Agreed...when I went to get my first pregnancy test, the lady behind the counter said "Aren't you a little young to be buying one of these...? It's a shame what this youth has come to.." I was so pissed! I wanted to say "Who the hell are you to judge me? You honestly don't even know how old I am.." >=/ And now..I've sacrificed all that was special to me at the time for my LO, and I couldn't be happier with my life. The greatest accomplishment of my life so far is creating my LO...just because I'm young means nothing.


----------



## bowbangles

I dont know about you guys, but for me its women over 40 mainly that seem to give me funny looks!!! Men dont bat an eyelid and generally younger women seem ok? x


----------



## halas

yea seems to be the older woman but i did have a verry rude old man staring at me and my lo for 15 minutes while i was at a cafe trying to enjoy my lunch i was pretty angry felt like saying somthing but didnt but it was annoying i fet very uncomfortable having somone watching my every move and judging me while i am just trying to eat my lunch. but i also noticed i have had verry nice old ladies that arnt judgmental and also ones that are exstremly rude i bet the rude ones have never had kids


----------



## AriannasMama

I think there are a decent amount of teen moms who give good teen moms a bad name. OH's younger sister for example, she has 2 kids with 2 dads now, that in itself isnt the issue, but her son's dad doesnt even acknowledge him, yet she still slept with him for the longest time, then she had her daughter and tbh i dont think she or anyone in her family knows who the dad is, she spends more of her time drinking and hanging out with random guys than she does taking care of her kids, that bugs the shit out of me. she yells and cusses at her son, and hes barely 3 years old, she feeds him junk food and lets him drink coke out of his bottle daily, and when he is in the car with her she smokes weed, after she had each baby she was pregnant within a month and forced a MC by drinking lots! social services has been called on her before and she has had to take parenting classes, but isnt taking anything she learned seriously.

Then on the otherside, I have a friend who used to party all the time and had gotten into some pretty hard drugs, but then she found out she was pregnant, and everything changed for her, she moved to get away from her old crowd and went back to live with her mom while taking care of her son and going to school to get a better education, she would much rather take him to the zoo or to the park then go out drinking.


Thing is, in the situations I described, that could very well be an older mom too, people jump to conclusions too quickly tbh and I hate it.


----------



## stephholloway

Mariaa said:


> I hate funny looks.
> 
> people who look at me in a spiteful way because of my age...
> They wouldnt look at a pregannt 35 year old like that would they?
> 
> But how do they know that the 35yr old isnt going home and beating her children? or smoking crack?
> 
> Im going to be a good mum, that doesnt change cos of my age.
> 
> We cant win...its like, i think my life now, a house, starting a family etc, is better than clubbin every night, uni parties drugs sex and drinking....
> 
> Yet we're the ones who are looked down upon?
> Our bodies are in their prime baby making time between 16 and 20... the only reason this is looked down upon now is because kids this age are ALOT more immature than they were 10/20 years ago.
> 
> If i had to choose a sensible person at 18 years old, it would be the mum...not the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly.
> 
> I know some people our age get a bad name, cos there are girls who do it for a house, or benefits etc, or who are incompetent, but we arnt all like that.
> 
> im in a council house, on benefits, which my family has never been before..but im here because i have no choice atm. And it doesnt make me, my OH or my daughter council estate pikeys....
> 
> Sorry. this stuff annoys me.
> 
> 
> Rant over,
> i feel better now :happydance:


You know the word PIKEY is offensive and derogatory! 

I understand it easy for everyone to judge! But when benefit cheating chavs have kids and there kids have kids the cycle continues. We can do nothing about it but i do think that underage and pregnant should be punished! As has we all seem to have forgotten! These are children having children and the age of consent is there for a reason what they are doing is illegal!
https://lmtf.lilypie.com/2gMTp1.png 
https://tickers.fortunebaby-download.com/pregnancy-tickers-ladyes/11/28/2009/1/pregnancy-ticker___.png


https://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;10017;42/st/20100904/dt/5/k/dee9/preg.png


----------



## aob1013

Uh oh!


----------



## Youngling

This thread is old. I hope an argument doesnt break out now
xx


----------



## Bride2Be

Edited.


----------



## xXhayleyXx

[/QUOTE]


You know the word PIKEY is offensive and derogatory! 

I understand it easy for everyone to judge! But when benefit cheating chavs have kids and there kids have kids the cycle continues. We can do nothing about it but i do think that underage and pregnant should be punished! As has we all seem to have forgotten! These are children having children and the age of consent is there for a reason what they are doing is illegal!
[/QUOTE]

and so is the word Chav!!!!! :dohh:


----------



## Wobbles

stephholloway said:


> You know the word PIKEY is offensive and derogatory!
> 
> I understand it easy for everyone to judge! But when benefit cheating chavs have kids and there kids have kids the cycle continues. We can do nothing about it but i do think that underage and pregnant should be punished! As has we all seem to have forgotten! These are children having children and the age of consent is there for a reason what they are doing is illegal!

Wow I'd have picked up on the term pikey used (which wasn't a great statement to make as a whole btw Mariaa) but then your post shocked me more :|

Underage expectants mothers should be punished? Wow what do you think is a suitable punishment :shock:, actually please don't answer! Your posting in the 'Teen Pregnancy' section and whist BabyandBump does not support underage/minors using the forum for TTC we do have a *supportive* section for these young ladies expecting and entering parenthood. I suggest you avoid posting within either of the teen support areas again.

Leave the young ladies alone and let them discuss the stigma behind it without adding more.


----------



## laura.x.x

[/QUOTE]


You know the word PIKEY is offensive and derogatory! 

I understand it easy for everyone to judge! But when benefit cheating chavs have kids and there kids have kids the cycle continues. We can do nothing about it but i do think that underage and pregnant should be punished! As has we all seem to have forgotten! These are children having children and the age of consent is there for a reason what they are doing is illegal!
[/QUOTE]

Your post is so hypocritical, i actually find it funny! Lol the word pikey is offensive, but benefit cheating chavs isn't????? And what sort of punishment do you think pregnant people should get? How judgemental can you get!


----------



## stephx

stephholloway said:


> Mariaa said:
> 
> 
> I hate funny looks.
> 
> people who look at me in a spiteful way because of my age...
> They wouldnt look at a pregannt 35 year old like that would they?
> 
> But how do they know that the 35yr old isnt going home and beating her children? or smoking crack?
> 
> Im going to be a good mum, that doesnt change cos of my age.
> 
> We cant win...its like, i think my life now, a house, starting a family etc, is better than clubbin every night, uni parties drugs sex and drinking....
> 
> Yet we're the ones who are looked down upon?
> Our bodies are in their prime baby making time between 16 and 20... the only reason this is looked down upon now is because kids this age are ALOT more immature than they were 10/20 years ago.
> 
> If i had to choose a sensible person at 18 years old, it would be the mum...not the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly.
> 
> I know some people our age get a bad name, cos there are girls who do it for a house, or benefits etc, or who are incompetent, but we arnt all like that.
> 
> im in a council house, on benefits, which my family has never been before..but im here because i have no choice atm. And it doesnt make me, my OH or my daughter council estate pikeys....
> 
> Sorry. this stuff annoys me.
> 
> 
> Rant over,
> i feel better now :happydance:
> 
> 
> You know the word PIKEY is offensive and derogatory!
> 
> I understand it easy for everyone to judge! But when benefit cheating chavs have kids and there kids have kids the cycle continues. We can do nothing about it but i do think that underage and pregnant should be punished! As has we all seem to have forgotten! These are children having children and the age of consent is there for a reason what they are doing is illegal!Click to expand...

:dohh: :dohh: :dohh:

you realise you posted that in the _teen pregnancy_ section?? :dohh:


----------



## Youngling

Some people are just mean really. Why would u post that in this section??
Some people!!!
xx


----------



## aob1013

Just says it all really tbh! x


----------



## Aidan's Mummy

stephholloway said:


> Mariaa said:
> 
> 
> I hate funny looks.
> 
> people who look at me in a spiteful way because of my age...
> They wouldnt look at a pregannt 35 year old like that would they?
> 
> But how do they know that the 35yr old isnt going home and beating her children? or smoking crack?
> 
> Im going to be a good mum, that doesnt change cos of my age.
> 
> We cant win...its like, i think my life now, a house, starting a family etc, is better than clubbin every night, uni parties drugs sex and drinking....
> 
> Yet we're the ones who are looked down upon?
> Our bodies are in their prime baby making time between 16 and 20... the only reason this is looked down upon now is because kids this age are ALOT more immature than they were 10/20 years ago.
> 
> If i had to choose a sensible person at 18 years old, it would be the mum...not the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly.
> 
> I know some people our age get a bad name, cos there are girls who do it for a house, or benefits etc, or who are incompetent, but we arnt all like that.
> 
> im in a council house, on benefits, which my family has never been before..but im here because i have no choice atm. And it doesnt make me, my OH or my daughter council estate pikeys....
> 
> Sorry. this stuff annoys me.
> 
> 
> Rant over,
> i feel better now :happydance:
> 
> 
> You know the word PIKEY is offensive and derogatory!
> 
> I understand it easy for everyone to judge! But when benefit cheating chavs have kids and there kids have kids the cycle continues. We can do nothing about it but i do think that underage and pregnant should be punished! As has we all seem to have forgotten! These are children having children and the age of consent is there for a reason what they are doing is illegal!
> https://lmtf.lilypie.com/2gMTp1.png
> https://tickers.fortunebaby-download.com/pregnancy-tickers-ladyes/11/28/2009/1/pregnancy-ticker___.png
> 
> 
> https://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/1;10017;42/st/20100904/dt/5/k/dee9/preg.pngClick to expand...

Lovely, your nice arn'tyou. So what would be a sutible punishment be. Have the child taken off them?

Anyway this benifit cheating chav needs to get a good nights sleep before I deal with some stuff for Uni
xx


----------



## rjb

this thread is just shocking to me..
i mean.
i understand that hormonesare running wild in all of us.
but steph, what right do you think you have to judge us when you are not demonstrating maturity enough to walk away rather than post something offensive and absolutely innappropriate.
this is exactly why it's unfair to judge teen mother, when clearly so many others are less mature than we are.
voice your opinion fairly and logically, or don't voice it at all.


----------



## EmandBub

i thought this thread was old? why are we arguing again?
x


----------



## EmandBub

EDIT: never mind, clearly there's some ignorant people here 
-chav out-
x


----------



## chel607

it wasnt that long ago that young girls our age got married and started families and in them days it was the right and proper way of doing things

its such bullshit that they think its wrong now 


am sorry i just wanted to put my thoughts out there lol 

x


----------



## malia

Mariaa said:


> I hate funny looks.
> 
> people who look at me in a spiteful way because of my age...
> They wouldnt look at a pregannt 35 year old like that would they?
> 
> But how do they know that the 35yr old isnt going home and beating her children? or smoking crack?
> 
> Im going to be a good mum, that doesnt change cos of my age.
> 
> We cant win...its like, i think my life now, a house, starting a family etc, is better than clubbin every night, uni parties drugs sex and drinking....
> 
> Yet we're the ones who are looked down upon?
> Our bodies are in their prime baby making time between 16 and 20... the only reason this is looked down upon now is because kids this age are ALOT more immature than they were 10/20 years ago.
> 
> If i had to choose a sensible person at 18 years old, it would be the mum...not the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly.
> 
> I know some people our age get a bad name, cos there are girls who do it for a house, or benefits etc, or who are incompetent, but we arnt all like that.
> 
> im in a council house, on benefits, which my family has never been before..but im here because i have no choice atm. And it doesnt make me, my OH or my daughter council estate pikeys....
> 
> Sorry. this stuff annoys me.
> 
> 
> Rant over,
> i feel better now :happydance:

I do not at all agree with anybody looking down on a young mother. I don't think age has anything to do with how good a mother you are. But, I think you're damaging your own cause with this post. It's very hypocritical to complain about people judging you and then go on to say "the uni student stickin coke up her nose, drinking herself to death every friday night and visiting the STI clinic weekly."
I'm a 2nd year uni student. I went out drinking 4 times in my entire first year, have never touched drugs, and have yet to meet a student who does use them.



> We cant win...its like, i think my life now, a house, starting a family etc, is better than clubbin every night, uni parties drugs sex and drinking....

So every young person who doesn't have a child behaves like that?
I understand why it upsets you but you are doing the exact same thing as the people judging you. You seem to think everyone who doesn't have a child is a drug addict; or a person who lives in a council house but doesn't have a child to justify it is a "pikey". I don't see how you are any better than anyone who does look down on young mothers.
I just want to say again, I absolutely hate discrimination against younger mothers, in case anyone gets the wrong idea. I just think posts like this make people more inclined to judge them.

p.s Sorry if this thread is super old, I just really HAD to comment.


----------



## Aspiegirl

I'm sorry but the dirty looks are understandable. The truth is, being a good mom means being emotionally and financially ready to have a child. A teen girl may love her baby very much and be a good mom emotionally, but that doesn't mean shit if she can't buy enough things to support it.

I'm not here to spread hate or bash people, but there really is no reason for girls to get pregnant these days (excluding rape of course), with all the info and birth control available.

I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to feel sorry of offer support to pregnant teens at this fay and age


----------



## amygwen

Aspiegirl said:


> I'm sorry but the dirty looks are understandable. The truth is, being a good mom means being emotionally and financially ready to have a child. A teen girl may love her baby very much and be a good mom emotionally, but that doesn't mean shit if she can't buy enough things to support it.
> 
> I'm not here to spread hate or bash people, but there really is no reason for girls to get pregnant these days (excluding rape of course), with all the info and birth control available.
> 
> I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to feel sorry of offer support to pregnant teens at this fay and age


Actually, being a good mom does not mean being financially ready to have a child. I make $800/month while I'm going to college full-time, just because I wasn't financially ready to have a child doesn't mean I'm not a good mom. And if anyone ever questioned my parenting, I would be ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED. You don't know me and you don't know my situation. You don't know my son and you don't know whether or not I'm the best mom in the world. It's not fair! Which is why this whole thread was started because teen moms, who are GOOD PARENTS get looked down upon. 

And I think you are here to bash people. The fact that you're 'waiting to try' and this is your 1st post, I'll tell you now, attitude like this won't be tolerated in the teen pregnancy section. Clearly you have no clue because you haven't been around, but unless you have support you can share, your opinions don't matter here.

You might be surprised how many of these girls got pregnant by taking the pill or by a condom breaking. Accidents happen, teens aren't going to be abstinent, when you have your own children, I'd like to see you educate your child on how important birth control is and assume they follow through with it and when they end up pregnant, you'll finally realize how stupid your comments sound right now.

And just so you know, every girl on here is a teen mom or is expecting. You don't need to lecture anyone because what's done is already done. If you want to waste your time more, go volunteer somewhere and educate people about safe sex, don't come online and bring back old threads just to start up controversy. 

ETA: Also, dirty looks AREN'T understandable, AT ALL. I don't care what age you are, as long as your child is being loved, I honestly don't give a flying fuck how old you are.


----------



## amygwen

Also, Aspiegirl, what made you decide to look up this thread, honestly? Clearly, you obviously came on this website with the goal to bash teen parents, because otherwise why else would you find this thread?


----------



## Lexilove

Aspiegirl said:


> I'm sorry but the dirty looks are understandable. The truth is, being a good mom means being emotionally and financially ready to have a child. A teen girl may love her baby very much and be a good mom emotionally, but that doesn't mean shit if she can't buy enough things to support it.
> 
> I'm not here to spread hate or bash people, but there really is no reason for girls to get pregnant these days (excluding rape of course), with all the info and birth control available.
> 
> I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to feel sorry of offer support to pregnant teens at this fay and age

Are you a teen? because it is HARD to be 18 and pregnant but my fiance and I made the best of it and I wouldn't change anything even if I could. We will be the best parents we can be we won't be perfect because those parents don't exist. Money can't buy love or happiness.


----------



## xSarahM

Aspiegirl said:


> I'm sorry but the dirty looks are understandable. The truth is, being a good mom means being emotionally and financially ready to have a child. A teen girl may love her baby very much and be a good mom emotionally, but that doesn't mean shit if she can't buy enough things to support it.
> 
> I'm not here to spread hate or bash people, but there really is no reason for girls to get pregnant these days (excluding rape of course), with all the info and birth control available.
> 
> I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to feel sorry of offer support to pregnant teens at this fay and age


Just to add to what Amy already said. Some of the teens here ARE financially stable, and were TTC. So you think the dirty looks they recieve are 'understandable'?

The majority of teen mums arent out there to claim benefits and get a house. If you have a child at 16 or 36, you are entitled to certain benefits. Are you saying when you have your own children, and you're "financially stable" you'll refuse the extra support that the government has to offer? I dont think so!


----------



## Lexilove

Aspiegirl said:


> I'm sorry but the dirty looks are understandable. The truth is, being a good mom means being emotionally and financially ready to have a child. A teen girl may love her baby very much and be a good mom emotionally, but that doesn't mean shit if she can't buy enough things to support it.
> 
> I'm not here to spread hate or bash people, but there really is no reason for girls to get pregnant these days (excluding rape of course), with all the info and birth control available.
> 
> I'm sorry, but I find it very hard to feel sorry of offer support to pregnant teens at this fay and age

My OH and I both have jobs, both have degrees and don't require government assistance (except health care :wacko:) so why is it so irresponsible for two committed people who love each other and have a life already built to have a child? no we are not rolling in money but we do support ourselves and can afford all the necessities and a few luxuries, there are people in their 40's who don't have what we do but somehow it's acceptable for them to have kids? I just don't get it :nope:


----------



## Vickie

Thread closed.

It's over a year old anyways :dohh: Not sure why it was pulled up other than to create drama.


----------

