# Did I cause the miscarriage?



## happyfamily4

Hi everyone! I lost my baby at 9wk. I miss him so much and the worst thing is that I think that it's my fault. When I was about 6 wk pregnant I used teeth whitening bleach even though it's not recommended for pregnant women. I used it about 3 times. What if I swallowed bleach? What if I caused the mc? I feel horrible and heartbroken!!!


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## LucyLake

This is the first time I've ever made this admission publicly. My husband and I were waiting until April 2013 to try for baby #2. He pulled out, but some got in on January 1---and I took the morning after pill 12 hours later even though I REALLY wanted this baby (I wanted my husband fully on-board though too). My husband did not want children for 9 YEARS. 9 YEARS I've waited for him to agree to #2.

Two days after my :bfp: on January 18, he was okay with me being pregnant.

Sadly, I miscarried on Feb 28.

I know it's all my fault for not putting my foot down and taking that wretched, disgusting morning after pill (which probably prevented my baby from implanting correctly, growing his heart).

I cry everyday thinking about it.

But, I also know there are millions of women who got pregnant on the Morning after pill and had a healthy full-term baby.

There are women who used teeth whiteners as well.

Women who were on drugs, but miracles happened and the baby was born normal and thrived.

In other words, we don't know for sure...

I want to tell you it will get better...but I'm almost two months out now and still feeling incredibly guilty.

Today is the first day I've admitted to the biggest shame of my life.


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## Nina83

No, you are not responsible. But I know that no matter what anyone will say, you will always feel like you did something. And I am so so sorry for your loss and feeling that way.
I ate shrimp.
I colored my hair.
I drank a glass of wine.
We had sex and right after that I started spotting which led to the end. Did the math and that might have been the day bubs heartbeat stopped.
Nothing I ever say, or am told, or read will ever make me feel like I'm not responsible.
Big hugs, be strong <3


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## Foogirl

The vast majority of miscarriages happen for absolutely no reason other than the pregnancy wasn't proceeding properly. And this happens everywhere in nature. Some seeds grow and some don't. Many, many women are pregnant long before they know it and do lots of things they aren't supposed to. You will probably find the reason that disclaimer is on the product is either because A) it has never been tested (as most products can't be) Or B) laboratory tests show if you inject 4 gallons of it on to any growing organism, that organism will not survive. You'd likely have to ingest enough of the stuff to kill you before it harms a developing foetus, but the disclaimer is put on the box to protect the company on the million to one shot it might one day be found to be harmful.

The hardest thing about miscarriage is we rarely find a cause. The most important thing to remember is, it is almost always never anything you have done. And even if it was, blaming yourself will do you no good. I could attribute my miscarriages (as well as the premature birth of my daughter) to any number of things I did. But I also know I could have followed every letter of every rule and still been in the same situation.


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## Peacenik

I'm with Foo girl, don't blame yourselves. I know it's easier said than done, but from what I've read, it's very rare that you've actually done something to cause it. Try not to beat yourselves up over it. Hugs.


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## Emily2630

LucyLake, your miscarriage had nothing to do with the morning after pill-- the pill works by preventing ovulation (sometimes), it has no effect on implantation. Please don't beat yourself up about it--really, it wasn't you!!


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## Crazywaiter

I'm in the same boat...I just lost my bean at 11.5 weeks and although I logically understand that it was beyond my control, I can't stop the "what if's?". I think it's just a normal part of the grieving process. I hope we all find some peace. <3


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## LucyLake

Emily2630 said:


> LucyLake, your miscarriage had nothing to do with the morning after pill-- the pill works by preventing ovulation (sometimes), it has no effect on implantation. Please don't beat yourself up about it--really, it wasn't you!!

Emily2630, I just want to thank you <3 :hug: I'm literally in tears and smiling at the same time here. I have felt SO guilty about even wanting a second child after all this, like I don't deserve to be a parent because I unintentionally killed my baby. The morning after pill is peddled by the Left as an easy fix to a common "problem", but they don't tell you that it's too late if you've already ovulated. The Right peddles it as an abortion pill. My thoughts are that it's somewhere in between. 

Part of me wants desperately for it TO BE the MAP. That would mean that I'm okay physically. But, the guilt is just unreal. I know I'll never really know as my Prolactin and Thyroid Stimulating Hormone tests came up normal. My levels also almost doubled from 2000 to 3800 from 5d3 to 5d5. 

My prayers are with you for a :bfp: very soon and love and hugs to you and your family. Thank you <3


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## AF_Momma

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your feelings. I went in for my first ultrasound at 9 weeks so excited. The doctor saw 2 sacs and I was thrilled, then things took a long time. She didn't say anything for what seemed like years and my heart sank. No heartbeats. There at that moment I knew what was coming and I immediately began to search for things I could have done to do this. I laid 100% guilt on myself before even having confirmation of miscarriage. I was taking prozac and after my BFP I battled with the decision to keep taking it or stop. I decided to stop it and I sometimes feel that maybe that caused it. DH and I had sex and I started spotting, lasted 1 day and stopped so we did it again. I didn't listen to my body. I thought up a million reasons to try to make sense of this and deal with my grief. I have tried really hard to be kind to myself and believe that this happened due to reasons out of my control but I still often fall into sadness and guilt. I'm so sorry that all of us are going through this, I wish you lots of peace through all of this. Here if you ever want to chat :hugs:


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## happyfamily4

LucyLake said:


> This is the first time I've ever made this admission publicly. My husband and I were waiting until April 2013 to try for baby #2. He pulled out, but some got in on January 1---and I took the morning after pill 12 hours later even though I REALLY wanted this baby (I wanted my husband fully on-board though too). My husband did not want children for 9 YEARS. 9 YEARS I've waited for him to agree to #2.
> 
> Two days after my :bfp: on January 18, he was okay with me being pregnant.
> 
> Sadly, I miscarried on Feb 28.
> 
> I know it's all my fault for not putting my foot down and taking that wretched, disgusting morning after pill (which probably prevented my baby from implanting correctly, growing his heart).
> 
> I cry everyday thinking about it.
> 
> But, I also know there are millions of women who got pregnant on the Morning after pill and had a healthy full-term baby.
> 
> There are women who used teeth whiteners as well.
> 
> Women who were on drugs, but miracles happened and the baby was born normal and thrived.
> 
> In other words, we don't know for sure...
> 
> I want to tell you it will get better...but I'm almost two months out now and still feeling incredibly guilty.
> 
> Today is the first day I've admitted to the biggest shame of my life.

Aw hun I know, it's heartbreaking. Every time I think about it I start crying, I can't talk to anyone about it,I think it's too soon for me, I'm so emotional. You didn't know what was going to happen. I understand how you feel, only time will heal.


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## happyfamily4

Thank you all for your replies. I didn't even want to read the comments in case that someone would say that it might be my fault.
I never thought it would happen to me. I have a perfect son, 5 months old, I imagined my babies playing together, us moving in a bigger house etc. and now they are just shattered dreams.
When I've been to the hospital on Sunday they told me that I already passed the sac - my baby. They were wrong...it happened next day while I was having a bath. It came as a shock for me as I didn't expect it to happen. 
I came out of the bath and let my hubby to do it. And this is another thing that I feel guilty about. I wish I kept the sac, to put it in a box and bury it, to plant some flowers maybe. Bit instead, it was flushed down the toilet :sad1:
Sometimes I want to talk to my baby but where do I look?? What do I say?
I miss my baby so much, I feel empty inside...it's so unfair that he/she didn't have the chance to live.
Thank you everyone, your answers ''comforted me''. I understand everyone's pain, I know how it is...


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## happyfamily4

I feel the same, I take the blame. When my husband is talking to me sometimes, if I think about the baby in the same time I get mad and I start talking nasty to him even though it's not necessary. It's the guilt :(


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## LucyLake

happyfamily4 said:


> Thank you all for your replies. I didn't even want to read the comments in case that someone would say that it might be my fault.
> I never thought it would happen to me. I have a perfect son, 5 months old, I imagined my babies playing together, us moving in a bigger house etc. and now they are just shattered dreams.
> When I've been to the hospital on Sunday they told me that I already passed the sac - my baby. They were wrong...it happened next day while I was having a bath. It came as a shock for me as I didn't expect it to happen.
> I came out of the bath and let my hubby to do it. And this is another thing that I feel guilty about. I wish I kept the sac, to put it in a box and bury it, to plant some flowers maybe. Bit instead, it was flushed down the toilet :sad1:
> Sometimes I want to talk to my baby but where do I look?? What do I say?
> I miss my baby so much, I feel empty inside...it's so unfair that he/she didn't have the chance to live.
> Thank you everyone, your answers ''comforted me''. I understand everyone's pain, I know how it is...

Hi HappyFamily4 <3 <3 :hugs: :hug:

My doctor told me the same thing....that I had passed everything and the scan was clear the same day I buried my baby under our oak. He came out right after a small placenta. The sac itself came flattened out 2 whole days later :(--reason to believe he may not have properly implanted. We were SO lucky to have him buried and I also have 25 photos of him that are hard to look at.

Don't be heartbroken about flushing. <3 I think overall it's what most of us do in this instance. I researched and had time because I had a no heartbeat scan Feb 13 and my baby just didn't want to come which was both comforting that he wanted to stay with mama a bit longer and frustrating because of the upcoming unknown. I finally took misoprostol and lost him physically Feb 27. I was prepared with towels and did everything in my bathtub so I wouldn't miss him in the toilet. But, it was very hard and I look at that tub now as almost a "scene of a crime." It also had to be bleached and cleaned quite a bit.

What I want to say is that while I was lucky to have him buried and see and hold him, it is incredibly shattering. The photos I imagine are like 9/11 jumpers or Newtown visuals--they are absolutely burned in your memory. Leg buds forming, lots and lots of blood. :cry: I also visit everyday and cannot stop. I make special time for it. There is never really closure in other words having seen all this.

In time, you will be able to talk to your baby and have closure, that much I know <3 I'm praying so hard that you recover quickly and we both be kind to ourselves about what's happened <3 I hope you get a :bfp: when you're ready <3 :flower: <3


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## justhoping

happyfamily4 said:


> Hi everyone! I lost my baby at 9wk. I miss him so much and the worst thing is that I think that it's my fault. When I was about 6 wk pregnant I used teeth whitening bleach even though it's not recommended for pregnant women. I used it about 3 times. What if I swallowed bleach? What if I caused the mc? I feel horrible and heartbroken!!!

all that is , is peroxide...so no you didnt....

whatever happened was not YOUR FAULT :hugs:


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## happyfamily4

justhoping said:


> happyfamily4 said:
> 
> 
> Hi everyone! I lost my baby at 9wk. I miss him so much and the worst thing is that I think that it's my fault. When I was about 6 wk pregnant I used teeth whitening bleach even though it's not recommended for pregnant women. I used it about 3 times. What if I swallowed bleach? What if I caused the mc? I feel horrible and heartbroken!!!
> 
> all that is , is peroxide...so no you didnt....
> 
> whatever happened was not YOUR FAULT :hugs:Click to expand...

There are other things as well :( I know I didn't eat properly, I have a 5 months old son, I was more preoccupied of taking care of him and I feel so bad:cry: My baby was supposed to be born in the same month my son is -November. Now nothing will be the same.I just have to accept the reality which is so hard...


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## Nina83

It's not your fault, please don't look for reasons to blame yourself <3
It's tough but will get better.


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## happyfamily4

Nina83 said:


> It's not your fault, please don't look for reasons to blame yourself <3
> It's tough but will get better.

Thank you Nina83, I have to say, I feel a little bit better:hugs:, I just think that maybe it wasn't meant to be. I'm getting used to ''not being pregnant any more''. I'm trying not to blame myself but there is always a ''what if''. It's not easy :nope:


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## FeLynn

happyfamily4 said:


> Hi everyone! I lost my baby at 9wk. I miss him so much and the worst thing is that I think that it's my fault. When I was about 6 wk pregnant I used teeth whitening bleach even though it's not recommended for pregnant women. I used it about 3 times. What if I swallowed bleach? What if I caused the mc? I feel horrible and heartbroken!!!



Hun I blame myself and those around me, mainly myself. I had my 1st loss in Sept 2011, 2nd loss Jan 2012 and my 3rd loss was June 2012. I was the furthest with my 3rd loss. I was 13.2 weeks, the baby had died within the past 24 hours prior to my scan, had D&E at 14 weeks. 

I had horrible morning sickness could barely keep anything down, not even my prenatal or iron. I was throwing up so much. I was tired and my temper was at its worst. I blame not being able to eat or drink and take my prenatal. I blame heavy lifting, I had a 29 year old sister who has CP and is handicap, I was moving and lifting a lot and walking up a lot of steps many times a day. I blame the verbal fights I got into with my family members, especially my grand mother who has dementia, she is really horrible and verbal and physical. I blame my husband for having sex with me a couple days before my scan. I blame being out in the sun while my son was in the pool, I got sun brunt. I blame taking hot showers and baths. I blame the stressful life that I live that it very hectic. I blame my drs for not listening to me. what makes me blame myself and my family even more is test results showed my baby girl had nothing wrong, so no answers. I have to assume what was going on at the time had to play a role in her heart stopping. Its hard and I have to live with this the rest of my life.


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## happyfamily4

FeLynn said:


> happyfamily4 said:
> 
> 
> Hi everyone! I lost my baby at 9wk. I miss him so much and the worst thing is that I think that it's my fault. When I was about 6 wk pregnant I used teeth whitening bleach even though it's not recommended for pregnant women. I used it about 3 times. What if I swallowed bleach? What if I caused the mc? I feel horrible and heartbroken!!!
> 
> 
> 
> Hun I blame myself and those around me, mainly myself. I had my 1st loss in Sept 2011, 2nd loss Jan 2012 and my 3rd loss was June 2012. I was the furthest with my 3rd loss. I was 13.2 weeks, the baby had died within the past 24 hours prior to my scan, had D&E at 14 weeks.
> 
> I had horrible morning sickness could barely keep anything down, not even my prenatal or iron. I was throwing up so much. I was tired and my temper was at its worst. I blame not being able to eat or drink and take my prenatal. I blame heavy lifting, I had a 29 year old sister who has CP and is handicap, I was moving and lifting a lot and walking up a lot of steps many times a day. I blame the verbal fights I got into with my family members, especially my grand mother who has dementia, she is really horrible and verbal and physical. I blame my husband for having sex with me a couple days before my scan. I blame being out in the sun while my son was in the pool, I got sun brunt. I blame taking hot showers and baths. I blame the stressful life that I live that it very hectic. I blame my drs for not listening to me. what makes me blame myself and my family even more is test results showed my baby girl had nothing wrong, so no answers. I have to assume what was going on at the time had to play a role in her heart stopping. Its hard and I have to live with this the rest of my life.Click to expand...

Aww I can't imagine your pain. I pray that I never have to go through this again and no one else but its something unpredictable. It's something natural and sadly so common. I was the same, lifting heavy things and I was stressed a lot (financial problems). Plus not eating properly and using the teeth whitening bleach. Now I don't even want to eat - I wasn't eating when I was pregnant so now I am like ''I'm not pregnant any more...what's the point?'' And now I feel so bad because I didn't keep the sac when I m/c. I just didn't think about it :cry:


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