# I'm 17 and pregnant, I need advice.



## thatonegurl

So, I'm 17 and yes, I'm about 6 weeks pregnant. I have taken about 4 tests, expensive ones and they are all clearly positive. I haven't gone to the doctor yet.

My boyfriend and I are just confused on what we are going to do. I'm still in high school, it's our senior year. I would be 18 when I had the baby but I planned on going to college and having a great career. I have a job that I've been working for, for over a year now. I make A's and B's in school. My boyfriend is being supportive, and so is his mother and family.

My mom and dad don't know yet. I live with my dad. I'm terrified of telling them.

PLEASE don't judge me, but I'm considering abortion. I know it sounds terrible and heartless, and trust me, I feel disgusting for even considering it, but I don't know how to handle this. I honestly feel I could do this. I have a job. I am smart. and yes, I made a mistake of letting this happen but No one is perfect. I do love my boyfriend very much, yes I am young but we aren't your regular teen couple. We've been through tons together and now we are handling a baby. 

I just want to know if this is possible. I have friends that support me. My boyfriend's family supports me. And I hope to God my own family will. But please tell me, I know this will be hard, but could I do this? could we do this? The father is 18, and like I said I will be 18 when the baby is born. I just want some words of encouragement. Any words of advice would be great. Thank you.


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## kmac625

Only you can make the decision of whether you should keep the baby or not. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders and some great support out there (hopefully you'll get that from your family too if you tell them). Even if you decide not to get an abortion but still feel you are too young or not ready to have a baby you could always give it up for adoption. Whatever you decide, make sure it's the right decision for you. Good luck to you hun.


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## tscastro37

Yes you could give it up for adoption, that would be an option.


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## michelle&neo

hi look on utube on abortion an watch the videos then decide what you want to do.
i was 15 when i got preg with my son, i just turnd 16 when i had him it is very scary at first worring about how your life is going to change i chose to keep him he is 8 now im 24 an i dont regret it. your life dont have to stop because you have a baby i didnt have all that much support to be honest but most of the time it just come naturally. let me know how you get on hun an what you decide an ill be hear 4 you if you need me an tc xx

p.s i have had an abortion just 2 years ago not by choice tho the dad made me. an im being honest ill never forgive myself 4 it ,it was the worst thing iv ever had to do in my life, but every1 is diff. no 1 will juge you its your choice, its your life in the long run hun you know deep down if you can do it or not xx


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## Klandagi

As someone who's suffered an M/C I have a hard time agreeing with anyone who wants to nyx a perfectly healthy pregnancy. I know I may sound harsh but you, as an intelligent young lady, made the decision to sleep with your boyfriend and hold that responsibility in your hand knowing that sex is not entertainment; it's the primitive act of reproduction and while it may have become a source of pleasure and play it still leads to the creation of life. My philosophy and that of my parents has always been: If you're old enough and responsible to make the decision to engage in sexual activity then you're old enough and responsible enough to raise the child you create.

Granted you may want things in life that are coming your way. You want to go to college. You want a great career. There's nothing saying that with supportive parents and a supportive boyfriend that you WON'T/CAN'T have that. Please keep in mind that even if you do not want this baby there's hundreds of women struggling to conceive their own that CAN'T and would welcome that baby into their arms and lives. I urge you to keep this pregnancy if it's a healthy and viable pregnancy and consider the option of motherhood or adoption. I understand you're scared, but a baby is a miracle and is a baby from conception regardless of what pro-abortion propaganda says. You can't tell women who have miscarried at 6wks+ that what they lost was a "lump of tissue" as these people so callously put it. At 6 wks there's a heart beat. 8wks? They respond to pain. Keep this in mind.

On the other hand you seem VERY intelligent and I have no doubt of you being able to handle this and weight the options considerably. Also? BabyandBump has a full section for teenage girls going through pregnancy so if you do decide to continue on with the pregnancy We here in First-Tri and the girls down in the Teen section will always be supportive.

I wish you luck and say congratulations.


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## thatonegurl

thanks for the support everyone. 

Like I said, I'm just scared.

I know it will be hard, I just want to have hope that I and my boyfriend can still go to college to get our degrees, and start our lives. My friends tell me this may be a blessing in disguise. I'm just so scared.


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## Junebug_CJ

No one can tell you what is right or wrong for you. If you decide to have an abortion, that is your right. If you decide to go through the pregnancy and give it up for adoption, that is also your right. And obviously if you decide to keep the baby, that is your right as well. There are a lot of different opinions on this forum, many pro-life (anti-abortion) and many pro-choice (supporting a woman's right to chose this option). Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for making the choice you feel is right for you, whatever that may be. That "right choice" would be very different from person to person. I'm sure there are support groups for young women in your position near your home, some counsellors who can help provide support in your decision making... Best of luck, and feel free to private message me if you want to chat more :hugs:


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## subio

Hi, I totally understand that you are scared. I planned this baby and when I found out I was pregnant I was absolutely terrified so you are not alone. You sound like a reasonable, intelligent girl and your age means nothing, its much more to do with your life experience and level of maturity. I think you need to reread your post and see that your answer is already there. If you are honest with yourself you want to be able to have this child and just want us to tell you its possible. Women have been having babies since the dawn of time and few of them have the intelligence, the job or the support that you have. You can do this. It will be scary, pregnancy is scary, trust me, but it is also amazing. At 7 weeks I had a terrible scare where we thought it was ectopic (tubal) and had a scan. We saw the head and body and we actually saw the heart beating, like a little light flashing on and off. It was amazing, I was about as far along as you are and if the thought ofn that makes you feel maternal, or emotional or beautiful then you are already starting to get attached to this baby. Send me a private message if you would like to chat more about this, it must be a really scary time and as a scaredycat pregnant person, I get it, I really do! xx


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## Summerbee

If you want to keep it, you can. Don't cling onto the excitement of just being pregnant though, weigh up both sides of the situation, as you won't just have the happiness of pregnancy, there will be the baby afterwards!!

It is pretty heartbreaking to be TTC for nearly a year now, and to have suffered two m/c this year alone, and log in to a safe haven such as BnB to see someone thinking of aborting. 

However, not including my personal life I am firmly pro choice. You do, whatever is right for you, and your life. Your OH may leave you. You will have to give up your job. Your degrees etc will take longer to do, though they are more than possible to achieve.

I don't suggest adoption, as at such a young age the effects of carrying a child on your body and mind, then to give the child away I believe to be too traumatic. But it truly is your choice!! Don't let anyone guide you either way hun x x x


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## sandrass

In the end the decision is up to you. 

My mom had me very young, and went to university when I was a toddler to become a nurse. It is possible. Sure, it would be more difficult and you may have to wait a little longer than you hoped but it is not out of the question.

As I said though, its completely up to you. I wish you luck :hugs:


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## myfirst

being scared is natural for young mother to be. i'm ten years older than you and i'm scared about my first pregnancy! 

you are going to want to tell your parents. not telling them is a mistake. i'm sure they will be a little more than shocked, then maybe upset/mad. but in the end i'm sure they will accept it. you are going to need your parents help and support. even if things go south with your parents, you said your boyfriends parents are being supportive and you can use their help. anyway you look at it, you are going to need to tell your parents. 

if you and your boyfriend come to the conclusion that you don't want the baby you two conceived, PLEASE consider adoption vs abortion. don't just end a baby's life because you don't think you can handle what you have done. it's not fair to the baby. please give the baby a chance for life with a couple that is wanting a baby. 

i've know many girls while i was in high school that got pregnant. every now and then i see some of these girls with their children and they would not have changed a thing in their lives. 

there is no reason you can't go to college when you have a child. there is no reason that you can't have a great career while you have a child. it IS going to take hard work on your part, but you can do it sweety. you arn't the first / nor the last teen that has gotten pregnant and can make something out of them selves. 

there are programs out there where you can get help with going to school, daycare for your child, help with money, and help with food. 

you just need to relax and take one step at a time. calm down and talk with your boyfriend. what does he want to do?


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## lauren709

hi hun,
first of all I would like to say, my own personal experience I've had an abortion AND a miscarriage....comparing the two is like comparing night and day....the first time I got pregnant I was 17 and in my first semester of college, I was terrified and unfortunately I didnt have the support of anyone including my boyfriend, I was scared to death to tell my parents so being young and stupid I went through with an abortion, first of all, it's the most painful thing I've ever experienced in my whole life, second of all I regret it EVERY SINGLE DAY.....years later I got married to my wonderful husband and we started trying for kids, I had a miscarriage last year and I was devastated, I believed that I was somehow being punished by God for my previous abortion. Abortion is just plain wrong, I know I sound hypocritical but it's true, I hate myself all the time for what I have done, I regret it not once in awhile but EVERY SINGLE DAY, at 6 weeks pregnant your baby allready has a heartbeat, your his or her only defense against the world, and I know that it seems hard and you are scared, I was too at 17, but believe me if you have the baby you will be truly happy and you will be amazed at how much happiness the baby will bring to your life, but if you go through abortion you will live with the guilt every single day of your life, believe me because I do....Sorry I'm rambling now, good luck to you hun, in the end only you can decide but I hope you will be smarter then I was at that age :hugs:


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## ohmybabybump.

i've had an abortion at 18 in college as well and yes i do regret it every single day! but i'm not going to tell you not to do it. in your situation, however i do think you are smart enough and you have the support to have the child and raise it, which i didn't at all. and if you want to give it up for adoption, you could do that too. it is ultimately up to you. don't let anyone make you feel bad about your choices. do what's best for you hun!!! just keep in mind with abortion might come guilt and regret on your part and probably your boyfriend too. with raising the child will come great responsibility and hard work and with adoption you are possibly giving a precious gift to a very deserving woman or couple out there and at the same time will be able to experience the wonder of pregnancy and giving birth, but that could also leave a void in your heart that your child is out there being taken care of by someone else. that's my outlook on it. hope i helped and i hope you get some clarity soon. don't let ANYONE here make you feel bad about your choices!! not ANYONE.


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## lamplighter

So I understand that this response is going to make me unpopular with the other ladies who have posted and I usually don't chime in to these things but I think it's only fair for you to have an alternative perspective.

People have strong opinions on abortion. You will always get people on either side of the fence being staunch and persuasive. In the end, you have EVERY RIGHT to make the choice that makes the most sense in your OWN head & heart. Regardless of what you choose at this stage, as long as you do what feels like the right thing for YOU, I believe you will have made the best decision possible.

There are people who have abortions who will tell you that they have always regretted it and that abortion is wrong. I am not trying to invalidate their feelings or beliefs. But just because it was wrong for them doesn't mean that it is wrong for you. I had an abortion, and while it was a very difficult thing to do, a tough choice to make, and a painful experience to go through, I have never regretted that choice. I know people who have judged me and I know that more people will judge me for that, but I did what I did because I knew it was the wrong time in my life, I was not emotionally fit to handle a pregnancy and baby, and I still believe that the choice I made was the correct one for me. It allowed me to get to a place in my own life where I do feel capable of everything I could not do then. It allowed me to get to a place where I could revel in the joy of pregnancy and preparing for a child, with a heart whole and full and a life stable enough to raise a baby the way I want it to be raised. I do not think abortion in the early stages is inherently wrong. I do understand that it can be wrong for some people, especially if they are upholding certain religious beliefs or otherwise. But that is why it is important to emphasize that it is entirely up to YOU, and what feels right to YOU. 

I am 21 weeks pregnant, and I have loved this baby from the beginning, and in large part that love was a choice. I chose to open my heart to the idea of motherhood, and to the concept of the child growing inside me. I cannot imagine losing my baby, and I am so grateful that I am getting a chance to be a mother. My boyfriend and I talked about the option of abortion when we found out that we were pregnant, but I simply knew in my heart that I couldn't go through with it. I listened to myself this time, just like I did last time. Neither choice that you make is wrong, unless something inside YOU tells you it is. Please don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Good luck and I'm sorry you have to make such a tough choice.


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## ohmybabybump.

lamplighter said:


> So I understand that this response is going to make me unpopular with the other ladies who have posted and I usually don't chime in to these things but I think it's only fair for you to have an alternative perspective.
> 
> People have strong opinions on abortion. You will always get people on either side of the fence being staunch and persuasive. In the end, you have EVERY RIGHT to make the choice that makes the most sense in your OWN head & heart. Regardless of what you choose at this stage, as long as you do what feels like the right thing for YOU, I believe you will have made the best decision possible.
> 
> There are people who have abortions who will tell you that they have always regretted it and that abortion is wrong. I am not trying to invalidate their feelings or beliefs. But just because it was wrong for them doesn't mean that it is wrong for you. I had an abortion, and while it was a very difficult thing to do, a tough choice to make, and a painful experience to go through, I have never regretted that choice. I know people who have judged me and I know that more people will judge me for that, but I did what I did because I knew it was the wrong time in my life, I was not emotionally fit to handle a pregnancy and baby, and I still believe that the choice I made was the correct one for me. It allowed me to get to a place in my own life where I do feel capable of everything I could not do then. It allowed me to get to a place where I could revel in the joy of pregnancy and preparing for a child, with a heart whole and full and a life stable enough to raise a baby the way I want it to be raised. I do not think abortion in the early stages is inherently wrong. I do understand that it can be wrong for some people, especially if they are upholding certain religious beliefs or otherwise. But that is why it is important to emphasize that it is entirely up to YOU, and what feels right to YOU.
> 
> I am 21 weeks pregnant, and I have loved this baby from the beginning, and in large part that love was a choice. I chose to open my heart to the idea of motherhood, and to the concept of the child growing inside me. I cannot imagine losing my baby, and I am so grateful that I am getting a chance to be a mother. My boyfriend and I talked about the option of abortion when we found out that we were pregnant, but I simply knew in my heart that I couldn't go through with it. I listened to myself this time, just like I did last time. Neither choice that you make is wrong, unless something inside YOU tells you it is. Please don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
> 
> Good luck and I'm sorry you have to make such a tough choice.

i agree!!! not unpopular with me!


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## venusrockstar

Don't mean to be a prude here, but there are forums rules & conduct 

Community Conduct:
Specific rules to ensure a smooth running community.
While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations.


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## wanting1more

I was just under 17 when I had my first. I will not lie it was hard, I struggled to support us and finish school. without the support of my mom there I doubt i could of done it.

you have choices, it is your baby and your body. personally i could never choose abortion, or adoption but sweetie only you know what you can and can not handle.

My suggestion is you take a deep breath and and deep look inside your heart and mind. 

you should talk to your mom, because no matter what you decide to do she will be your greatest help. 


I have known women that have had an abortion and regretted it forever, and were never able to concieve again. but I have also know ones that know they did the right thing for them, and have children now. 

I have had losses, and i understand the ladies saying how this hurts them, they are speaking from thier hurt hearts. You need to understand that. so of course if we were able to choose for you abortion would be out of the question, but it is not our choice. 

I do not want to sound too harsh but you have some very hard adult decisions ahead of you. but you are strong and whatever you choose to do please be sure it is a informed decision. and remember you do not have to do it alone.


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## bek74

lamplighter said:


> So I understand that this response is going to make me unpopular with the other ladies who have posted and I usually don't chime in to these things but I think it's only fair for you to have an alternative perspective.
> 
> People have strong opinions on abortion. You will always get people on either side of the fence being staunch and persuasive. In the end, you have EVERY RIGHT to make the choice that makes the most sense in your OWN head & heart. Regardless of what you choose at this stage, as long as you do what feels like the right thing for YOU, I believe you will have made the best decision possible.
> 
> There are people who have abortions who will tell you that they have always regretted it and that abortion is wrong. I am not trying to invalidate their feelings or beliefs. But just because it was wrong for them doesn't mean that it is wrong for you. I had an abortion, and while it was a very difficult thing to do, a tough choice to make, and a painful experience to go through, I have never regretted that choice. I know people who have judged me and I know that more people will judge me for that, but I did what I did because I knew it was the wrong time in my life, I was not emotionally fit to handle a pregnancy and baby, and I still believe that the choice I made was the correct one for me. It allowed me to get to a place in my own life where I do feel capable of everything I could not do then. It allowed me to get to a place where I could revel in the joy of pregnancy and preparing for a child, with a heart whole and full and a life stable enough to raise a baby the way I want it to be raised. I do not think abortion in the early stages is inherently wrong. I do understand that it can be wrong for some people, especially if they are upholding certain religious beliefs or otherwise. But that is why it is important to emphasize that it is entirely up to YOU, and what feels right to YOU.
> 
> I am 21 weeks pregnant, and I have loved this baby from the beginning, and in large part that love was a choice. I chose to open my heart to the idea of motherhood, and to the concept of the child growing inside me. I cannot imagine losing my baby, and I am so grateful that I am getting a chance to be a mother. My boyfriend and I talked about the option of abortion when we found out that we were pregnant, but I simply knew in my heart that I couldn't go through with it. I listened to myself this time, just like I did last time. Neither choice that you make is wrong, unless something inside YOU tells you it is. Please don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
> 
> Good luck and I'm sorry you have to make such a tough choice.

 
Great post :thumbup:


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## gina8177

When I was 17 I also had an abortion. In my situation there was no other option, I did not grow up in a good home and had no support. At that time in my life it was the decision I had to make and I have never regretted it. I knew the environment that it would be born into and could not bring a child into that. Like everyone has said, this is a personal decision and you have to do what is right for you. You are in my thoughts as I know this is a tough time.

I feel blessed with my current pregnancy but know I made the right decision at that time in my life.


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## sar35

I had my daughter when i was 17! was a single parent from when she was about 4months, it was hard work! now she is 18 and i dont think she could handle the responsibility, money, lack of sleep etc, i managed and enjoyed it... only u know whats best for you....Good Luck


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## lauren10

I think one thing to consider is if you choose abortion, you need to KNOW that you'll be able to forgive yourself for doing it. Life is just too short to have regrets, so whatever choice you make, jump with both feet in.


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## Jkelmum

this forum doesnt support abortion nor should u have posted this in 1st trimester where ladies are desperatly worried about loosing there babys ...there is a teen section ...but imo if your ready to take the risk by having sex then you should face your responcabilties ...keep baby or give baby a nice life being adopted


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## Pretty Pistol

You can still do all the things you want to do.Trust me you are stronger than you think.
I had a friend get pregnant in our 7th grade year (no joke) she still graduated high school and went to college with the support of her family. Work it out with your family..Seek help from them and support. Stay living at home and attend a college close to home, take as many online classes as you can and have your parents watch your child when your in classes that way there not always watching your child. Be honest with your family tell them how you feel.. let them know you want to stay home and need there help so you can accomplish what you want to in life and give your child a bright future. If your parents aren't supportive try his. And if all else fails you two can rely on each other for support.

Look at it this way.The first year or two of expenses aren't that bad..And if you don't have to pay rent and stay with your family you can pick up a part time job on the weekends and that should give you decent cash flow for the first two years. Having a child will also make it easier to get grants for school which means less loans to pay back as well.

Theirs also wic to help you with formula because you are so young and don't yet have an income. You can also consider doing a two year program at college first that way you can set yourself up in a job and when your baby is a bit older around 4-5 and starts to attend school you can go back yourself and finish. 

Or lastly perhaps his parents or your own can adopt the child from you and perhaps agree that when you are more stable return custody.


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## Jkelmum

i had my son at 14 and still left school with good grades having mu son didnt ruin my life he is now studying a diploma in building and consctruction


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## Pretty Pistol

serina27 said:


> this forum doesnt support abortion nor should u have posted this in 1st trimester where ladies are desperatly worried about loosing there babys ...there is a teen section ...but imo if your ready to take the risk by having sex then you should face your responcabilties ...keep baby or give baby a nice life being adopted

while abortion is a touchy subject that I would say 90% of this forum including myself does not agree with, especially seeing as I myself just had my second miscarriage and I am pregnant again..So I'm on of those women you so boldly seem to think its okay to speak for... you have to consider the fact that this is a scared child who is seeking advise your post was really uncalled for this is supposed to be a supportive environment and it would have been just as easy and conducive for you to cut out your first two sentences and simply say that "the risk by having sex then you should face your responsibilities ...keep baby or give baby a nice life being adopted" just my two cents!


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## Jkelmum

yeah well thats your opinion but this thread is breaking forum rules and a lot of women here will not want posts on abortion wether they have lost a child or not and fyi i have many yrs ago


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## Jkelmum

i did say that was my opinion somthing that i believe ive reported this thread as it does not belong here


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## Pretty Pistol

Then perhaps you should have just reported it instead of adding your comments and behaving like a three year old in doing so


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## Jkelmum

oh shut up everybody as a right to an opinion


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## wannabemamma

I don't believe anyone has the right to judge another, but we all have the right to an opinion. How we choose to phrase that opinion is what we should be considering...our right is to an opinion not to kick someone when they're down, turn them away when they ask for help or deliberately make anyone feel bad.

To the OP, I can only imagine how scared and untimately alone you are feeling right now. I have a friend who had an abortion a few years ago despite being 25 and in a good job etc, she feels it was the right decision for her, but doesn't feel good about it. It doesn't, however, haunt her every day and she has moved on to get married etc and is now pregnant again. I'm pregnant now, but only just, and can't imagine losing my teeny bean. However, I said to my husband only last night how lucky I feel to have planned and wanted this baby, cause to be pregnant and scared and unsure would be horrible, as pregnancy is truly scary. I'm terrified and we planned for this baby!

You sound like you have a lovely network around you, don't rush anything. If you do decide to have and keep this baby, things have a habit of working themselves out for the best, I truly believe that. You will find a way and will have the ultimate reward.

Good luck my love. xx


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## HannahGraceee

Hiya babe! this sounds like the exact same post as i wrote last year! (minus the abortion part) - and theres nothing i would do diffently! Eveeryone thinks there mum and dad will go mad and hate them forever for getting pregnant, but more then likely they will be surportive and help you out! 

Good Luck babes + there is a really surportive teen pregnancy section here aswell :) x


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## venusrockstar

serina27 said:


> this forum doesnt support abortion nor should u have posted this in 1st trimester where ladies are desperatly worried about loosing there babys ...there is a teen section ...but imo if your ready to take the risk by having sex then you should face your responcabilties ...keep baby or give baby a nice life being adopted


Agree 100%

I posted on page 2 about it being inappropriate, but people ignore forum rules.


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## Arcanegirl

Locked pending review


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## Wobbles

Moved from First Trimester To Pregnancy Club and will remain closed.

BabyandBump is a forum community for people trying to conceive, pregnancy & parenting.

If you would like to create another topic asking younger Mums/Moms how they managed and their experiences please feel free to do so.

Forum Rules & Privacy Policy
While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, *we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations*.


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