# Need opinions on what's fair for my unborn child



## ameliamummy12

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant and me and babies father have just broken up. We have been trying to come to arrangements in regards to access to the baby and this is what he has suggested.
He wants the baby for 3and a half days a week and I have baby for other 3 and a half days I agreed this is fair for both of us to have same amount of time with baby however I wanted a month to bond before this arrangement began I have said he can see baby whenever he wants in this month but he has said he will allow me a week with baby to bond then it's half and half. He has also threatened me with court I would like peoples personal opinions on this and what they think is best for baby could really do with an impartial opinion and help and advise in regards to his rights if he did take me to court.


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## jemmie1994

dont let him talk you into anything your uncomfortable with your already being very generous letting him have LO for half the week your the mother there isnt a court that would say you cant decide where your baby stays and if he kicks up a fuss just dont put him on the birth certificate he wont have a leg to stand on your already being more than fair dont let him take advantage


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## Jinty

He will allow you to have a week to bond?! What a jackass! I agree with Jemmie don't put him on the birth certificate he will have no rights over the baby! Maybe im just bitter but i dont think he would stick to half a week with LO anyway... Losing faith on men!


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## teal

I don't mean to sound harsh but regarding the birth certificate - if you don't put him on it then he'll just take you to court to get parental responsibility. 

That being said I think it's highly unlikely any court would agree that a newborn baby should be away from his/her mother after just a week. Even a month is so, so early. 

Do you have any thoughts about feeding your baby? If you're breastfeeding on demand then you can't be separated from your baby for that long. 

He has an absolutely cheek allowing you a week to bond. You are being more than fair by allowing him to visit whenever he wants. Don't let him bully you into doing something that you're not comfortable with. 

:hugs::hugs: xx


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## ameliamummy12

i am not sure yet how i will feed but i did say to him what if i breastfeed and his reply was just the baby will be bottle and breastfed its best thing, he hasnt a clue i dont think. when i have tried atlking things through with him regarding access he has just said it is the way he says and i have to get used to it he keeps threatening me with court i have offered mediation to him so an impartial person can make a decision based on the best needs for the baby as he just sees it as me being selfish and wanting the baby to myself, i have a little girl already who is nearly 1 and her dad has no contact despite me trying many times to get him to see her, the father of my unborn child is now throwing that in my face saying i am only demanding a month with my newborn as i am so used to having my daughter to myself there is literally no reasoning with him.


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## MommaAlexis

LET him take you to court. He will get less. Honestly. His court threat is actually an offer to help you, he doesn't realize how generous the 3 1/2 days is.


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## angelpkj

i think the basic fact is most men get to see their kids on a weekend or a weekend day 
when its a new born its prob one day for a few hours 

i mean this with as mmuch respect as possible but its hard enough being a woman and being a new parent but at least we had gthem in our tummy etc 

men just don't seem to have a clue 

my dad even struggles to change LO's nappy and he's had 3 kids!!

i would only leave LO alone with him if you think he can cope and knows what to do

chances are he might even have LO and LO cry for you so in the end he cant cope and rings you to pick LO up


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## Laura2919

IMO I would never allow FOB to have the girls that much. 

I think its unfair that he has suggested it. Don't do anything your not comfortable with


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## xxsteffyxx

FOB demanded 4 days a week and 3 overnight stays when Harvey was 4 weeks old. It's poo... Until you have that baby you won't realise how hard it is to let that tiny thing leave you for long periods of a time. Eventually he was only given 12hrs a week and each time no more then 4hrs a time. Unfortunetly he still wasn't happy with that and tried to take Harvey by force and now he is only allowed 2.5hrs in a contact centre every 2 weeks.

My suggestion, let him take you to court. You have tried to be amicable. Let him take you to court xx


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## MumToBe2012

I would do what you think is right for you and the baby. What he needs to realise is that a newborn needs their mummy, and a week old baby is far too young to be sharing between parents. You should tell him that you want to be fair with him and share time with the baby equally but the baby needs you more at that moment. I can see it from his point of view, at the end of the day that baby is both of yours but at the same time life isn't fair and as the person that's carrying the baby, YOU have the final say. If he takes you to court, there's no way they'll allow half a week each to both of you because of the little one's age.

That's my opinion on what you should do, but as that baby's mummy you do what you think is right. But make sure you don't let him walk all over you because otherwise they'll come points when he'll demand other things. My FOB likes to demand things as well, so I know how hard it can be because you feel sometimes whether the decisions you're making are for you or for the baby and all you want is what is best for the baby. PM if you ever want to chat. x


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## Terukki

MumToBe2012 said:


> I would do what you think is right for you and the baby. What he needs to realise is that a newborn needs their mummy, and a week old baby is far too young to be sharing between parents. You should tell him that you want to be fair with him and share time with the baby equally but the baby needs you more at that moment. I can see it from his point of view, at the end of the day that baby is both of yours but at the same time life isn't fair and as the person that's carrying the baby, YOU have the final say. If he takes you to court, there's no way they'll allow half a week each to both of you because of the little one's age.
> 
> That's my opinion on what you should do, but as that baby's mummy you do what you think is right. But make sure you don't let him walk all over you because otherwise they'll come points when he'll demand other things. My FOB likes to demand things as well, so I know how hard it can be because you feel sometimes whether the decisions you're making are for you or for the baby and all you want is what is best for the baby. PM if you ever want to chat. x

I will be honest with you he can take you to court but it would be long annoying battle for visitation and he will just get less time that you both agreed on. Also do not put his name on the BC because he can just take the baby at any given time of the day and the cops can't do anything about it. At least he is offering to spend time with the baby its so rare to see a father who is fighting for visitation. I would try to still talk and find a common agreement with him because as long as you don't have his name on BC he can't so crap for a while anyways until the court settles everything.


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## kelzyboo

Agreed RE: not putting him on birth certificate until proper access arrangements are made, if he refuses to give LO back and is on the BC, there is little you can do about it :(

A tiny baby needs mummy more than daddy, thats just how it is What your offering is beyond fair, if he's not happy let him take you to court and give no access until its official. Months and months of waiting will soon change his mind, theres just no way he should be having a tiny baby, away from his mother for 3days a week No court would ever agree to it anyway. x


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