# What helped you prepare for a natural birth?



## daddiesgift

I had a natural birth with my first, I was incredibly ill prepared and had no support at all. It became extremely traumatizing for me to the point I had anxiety when I fell pregnant again and decided to go straight to a hospital and get an epidural. While I had no issue with that birth I am now pregnant with our last baby and I would like that original birth (water natural) that I had wanted so bad with my first. 

What helped you prepare for your natural birth? What helped you cope when you thought of losing it? When the pain was so unbearable? Am I crazy to try this again with such bad anxiety? I know I can do it, I just want a more peaceful birth than that first birth. Am I just the type that will always have a traumatizing birth than a impowering one?


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## Joyfulsahm

I'm a ftm so I haven't gone through with birth yet(past my due date) but it's helped me so much to create a playlist of songs to play during labor. Also having quotes and bible verses to have my husband read to me also. I've been having false labor for about a week and I've been using the playlist to help. I don't know where you stand spiritually but one verse that helps me is Colossians 3:23, Set your mind on things above and not on things on the earth. That is going to be my focal point. To not just succumb to the pain but to set my mind elsewhere. It's going to always be a challenge I know but these things have given me much peace of mind.


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## daddiesgift

Thanks. I have been thinking about what music to have. Ive also been telling myself over and over to hopefully tell myself this during labor, that the pain is only that day, and Im one contraction closer to meeting baby and it being over with. I think I have a good plan but then that old feeling of what happened before starts to scare me and I worry that will over take me. Im hiring a doula as well so hopefully she can help.


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## Dubibump

Hi there
Like joyfusahm I am a FTM, at 28weeks, so I have NO idea what's ahead but I don't want to go into it scared. 
My sister has had 4 children and used hypnobirthing for her last birth. She said it was wonderful and worked. So I'm thinking what's the harm in trying right! She gave me her hypnobirthing cd's and I have started listening to them. 
A friend of mine who has just trained as a doula gave me a book about positive birthing. I didn't think this was my thing, bit hippy, but I'm actually agreeing with everything I'm reading. Women are made to birth and we just need to be confident in that fact. The book is called "Ina May's guide to Childbirth". It's definitely helping my confidence! Who knows what will happen in the midst of it all, but the fact is we can do it!!! 

Sending you lots of positive thoughts xxxx


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## babyface15

hypnobirthing! my first birth was an all natural delivery with five days of prodromal labor, and 6 hours of pushing to deliver a posterior baby and I loved it!!! would do it again in a heartbeat


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## xxxjessxxx

hey ladies, join a group on facebook called Birth Without Fear it is incredibly inspiring and makes you feel like you can do anything lol :) xx


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## Dubibump

xxxjessxxx said:


> hey ladies, join a group on facebook called Birth Without Fear it is incredibly inspiring and makes you feel like you can do anything lol :) xx

Hey,
I've just looked the group up on fb & there are a few of them. What's its profile photo?


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## Feronia

I'm going to second Hypnobirthing. :) I read through Mongan's Hypnobirthing book and listened to the CD from about 25 weeks onward, and it really helped me. Other good books are Birthing from Within and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I had a wonderful unmedicated homebirth, and it wasn't painful for me at any time -- it really just felt like pressure that required all of my concentration and energy. Best of luck!


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## xxxjessxxx

Dubibump said:


> xxxjessxxx said:
> 
> 
> hey ladies, join a group on facebook called Birth Without Fear it is incredibly inspiring and makes you feel like you can do anything lol :) xx
> 
> Hey,
> I've just looked the group up on fb & there are a few of them. What's its profile photo?Click to expand...



https://www.facebook.com/birthwithoutfear?ref=ts&fref=ts


here you are hun, women post stories of there births and stuff :)


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## daddiesgift

I live in the smallest crappiest town EVER so I tried to look into hynobirthing classes here and there is none. SURPRISE. Can you learn it without it? Ferona did you read the book or take classes?


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## Feronia

daddiesgift said:


> I live in the smallest crappiest town EVER so I tried to look into hynobirthing classes here and there is none. SURPRISE. Can you learn it without it? Ferona did you read the book or take classes?

I only read the book because I couldn't afford the classes! Another thing that would most definitely help is hiring a doula. :flower:


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## Dubibump

xxxjessxxx said:


> Dubibump said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> xxxjessxxx said:
> 
> 
> hey ladies, join a group on facebook called Birth Without Fear it is incredibly inspiring and makes you feel like you can do anything lol :) xx
> 
> Hey,
> I've just looked the group up on fb & there are a few of them. What's its profile photo?Click to expand...
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/birthwithoutfear?ref=ts&fref=ts
> 
> 
> here you are hun, women post stories of there births and stuff :)Click to expand...



Oh nice one! Thanks so much... I have liked xx


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## Dubibump

Feronia said:


> daddiesgift said:
> 
> 
> I live in the smallest crappiest town EVER so I tried to look into hynobirthing classes here and there is none. SURPRISE. Can you learn it without it? Ferona did you read the book or take classes?
> 
> I only read the book because I couldn't afford the classes! Another thing that would most definitely help is hiring a doula. :flower:Click to expand...

I'm not doing classes, just listening to the cd's and reading a boom by Ina May Gaskin. The cd's worked for my sister so I'm hoping the same!


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## Sbmack

FTM and just had a natural water birth at a hospital two days ago! I'm not sure I could've done it without my doula!! She was amazing. 

I also did natal hypnotherapy (just the British version) by Maggie Howell. There's a book and accompanying cd. The cd's definitely helped with focus and relaxation, but the book was invaluable because it gave me the convince I needed. Women's bodies are made to do this!! I also downloaded a lot of relaxing music to play during labor and I think it definitely helped. I must add that it helps if your partner has compete confidence in you as well. There were parts (during transition) where I was saying I couldn't do it, but he was so behind me and assuring that I knew I could. Throughout my pregnancy he would also tell me he has complete faith in me and no doubt I could do it naturally. That helped me have the confidence I needed. 

Good luck. You can do it!!


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## SimoneMK

Hey ladies! I had my daughter 4 months ago. I had no intention of going all natural until going on this forum and read so many wonderful stories so i wanted to come back and give some advice.
I was in labor for a very long time. I had back labor so it was very painful. My nurse said it was probably the most pain shes ever seen anyone in. I did not get an epidural. My husband put pressure on my back to help with back labor. If anyone turned music on i probably would have broken the radio. The only calming thing that helped was being in hot water and trying to drink water although i did my fair share of vomiting.
I would highly highly suggest a hypnobirth class. I read the book partially and i wish i would have read it more. I am very happy with my decision to go natural and my baby (knock wood) is the healthiest baby i have seen. She is developing at a rapid pace and she has not been sick. She started sleeping through the night by week 3 and rarely cries. We also have chosen not to vaccinate so this may also aid in having a pleasant baby. I would recommend doing research on the negative effects of medicine. When i would have a painful contraction and thought about an epidural, i thought about all the potential harm it could cause my baby and fought through it.
With that being said, i also would like to advise to not pressure urself or feel bad if you cant do the natural route. Things dont always go as planned and medicine is there if you need it. Be strong and breathe through the contractions! Good luck :)


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## daddiesgift

Thanks ladies. Im looking into many options. Im going to buy the hypnobirthing book since I can not afford the classes. 

With my first I had this "I can do it I was made for this!" outlook and I never doubted myself and I had all these plans of what to do during labor. My OH was deployed till birth so he was pretty clueless. My son was posterior so I also had the worse back pain imaginable. I completely lost it. Walking didnt help, changing positions didnt help, music and smells pissed me off, I wasnt allowed in water like my whole plan was so that was devestating. I had read all these books and watched all these births that were peaceful and calm. Boy mine was FAR from it. So though it was natural, it was forced because I begged for medicine and I wasnt allowed any because I said I wanted a natural birth. I feel no pride whatsoever in that birth. Yeah I did it, yeah I survived but I guess having seen all those calm births I felt like a failure, even without having medicine. The pain traumatized me and I became extremely bitter towards all those books and videos ect. 

I want to attempt the birth I always wanted that peaceful and calm birth but Im so scared of history repeating itself and me losing it. I mean I LOST it. Not just during transition, especially then, but pretty much the whole birth. So this time around I want to do things differently and prepare myself more. Because Ive had two children before I know the pain aspect I just need the coping aspect. I need to find things that really worked for people. I see a lot of this that went wrong in that birth and how I can make sure it doesnt happen like that now. 

I think having some calming techniques will really help, as well as having a doula there to support me. My OH is on board and excited to be a birth/labor support but he also may not be here for the birth as he is due to deploy. So I have to come up with a game plan for ME. That will work for me even if I have support or not.


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## babyface15

you still got through it and that as how strong you are! All the same I can not believe they didn't let you change your mind, that is ridiculous. Next time, I would put in your birth plan you'd prefer not to be offered pain medication, if you want it you'll ask for it yourself. I found my contractions were very difficult to bear unless someone was firmly pushing my hips together. also, much more difficult to bear if I was lying down. Your doula should help so much as well!! Will you have access to nitrous oxide? I'm in Canada and didn't realize it was an option until late in my pregnancy. I researched it and it's so short lived and it doesn't affect the baby in any way. I used out around transition and was having a great time. I was laughing about how I felt like I was at home just before I got the urge to push :haha:


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## Kat541

So I was looking up the Hypnobirth book, and I see a couple different ones with the same name, but different authors? Are they basically the same, or is there one author you guys read?


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## MindUtopia

Try hypnotherapy. I've only had one birth (natural dry land birth at home, no pain relief at all) and it was a positive experience, so I don't have that anxiety and fear hanging on from a traumatizing one. But I felt like it helped me so much. I felt so calm and relaxed and in control. I never felt like it was unbearable or like I couldn't do it or I needed any pain relief. The midwives hardly even believed I was in established labour! They almost left, but asked to check me and I was fully dilated already.

Hypnotherapy changes the way your brain thinks about things and it really can erase fear and anxiety about something. Other than that, reading lots of positive birth stories and visualizing exactly how I wanted my birth to go, how it would go and also what would happen if things didn't go to plan. 

I think that's really important as well. You HAVE to think about how you want things to go if there are complications or you need a higher level of care than you planned to have. I wrote a hospital birth plan and a c-section birth plan so I would still feel like I was in control and had a voice in my care. I also sat down and wrote out how I would want to feel and behave if something happened that I didn't want. For instance, if I had to transfer in to hospital (was having a home birth) or if I needed a c-section. I wrote down ideas for staying relaxed and what my husband and doula could do to help me. The reality is for most people birth's aren't traumatizing because 'x' happens that they didn't want, but because it was scary, or the felt like they weren't in control or because they didn't feel listened to or respected. So if you can find ways to decrease the chance of that, you'll be more likely to have an empowering, positive experience regardless of what your birth is actually like.


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## daddiesgift

Kat- I bought this one, I was recommended it over any others... https://www.amazon.com/HypnoBirthin...&qid=1385052132&sr=8-1&keywords=hypnobirthing

Mind- I agree with what you are saying. And it is a good idea to make a birth plan for anything that could happen. Yesterday was my seconds first birthday and I wrote up his birth story and it made me feel strong. Even though I got the epdiural with him I did not get it because of extreme pain I got it because of that first birth experience that I just told them right away I wanted it, so at 7cm is when I got it. So I kept thinking if I made it that far and was doing fine I can do this! 

I think a lot contributes to my firsts experience really hurting my thoughts. He was facing the wrong way causing worse than usual labor pains. Im scared that will happen again but I keep thinking that thats not the normal and it was just his story. And like you said, I feel I was traumatized because no one was listening to me. The midwife was extremely stern and I felt no warmth coming from her. I also felt I was so stuck on my birth plan that I didnt even consider it going any other way. So I also felt let down that I wasnt allowed to do what I wanted. I felt disappointed that I put all this pressure on myself to be strong and have a peaceful birth instead of a screaming crying my head off birth. So while it hurt like hell and that scares me a lot of it was not being listened to, having by birth plan go out the window and putting expectations on myself that I had to be quite and calm which made me feel like a failure. I still dont tell people that I had a natural birth because even though I did, I feel like I failed because if it was up to me at the time I wouldve done anything to not do it.


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## BunnyN

One thing that really bugs me is the message that if you do it right you wont be in pain so it's almost like if that if you don't have a relaxed painless birth you haven't done it right. I think birth is painful for most women, no matter what you do. For me it was accepting and working with the pain that helped. You might find the book _Birth Skills_ by Juju Sundin's helpful. Although I didn't use all the techniques in it I liked the very practical approach. It encourages natural birth but leaves room for things like an epidural if you need it. 

I was very determined to have a natural birth and I think that determination was essential to get me through it but I think there is always a bit of luck involved. Every labour is different and you can't know what it's going to be like before so if things turn out differently there is no shame in that. Fortunately I got a lovely natural HB experience but there were a couple of times things could have taken a very different direction. I had excellent support from my OH and MW. On the whole I adored my MW. There was only once I had a different idea from her and she thought she knew better, that came close to freaking me out. My OH noticed and whispered "don't worry I've got your back" in my ear. That made all the difference. I really cant imagine labour with a MW who wont listen to you at all. Walking made a huge differnce to my pain level and heat and rubbing on my lower back. Some things I thought would help didn't so I think it's good to have as many things you can try as possible then go with what works.

Maybe it would help to analyse what went wrong last time and what you can do differently this time. Was there a reason you were not allowed a water birth, or was the MW just being awkward? It sounds like she wouldn't let you have the birth you planned, or the one you didn't so you were stuck in the middle without anything. A doula sounds like a good idea because you will have someone else you know is supporting you.


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## daddiesgift

Welli wasn't allowed in water or out of bed really because they thought I was 37 weeks and I needed to be monitored the whole time because of that. Though I know I was not 37 weeks and after he was born they could see his was MUCH bigger and stronger than a 37 week old baby.


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## BunnyN

I'm surprised they were so worried about a baby at 37 weeks anyway. Where I am they consider 37 weeks as no longer being high risk.

I understand you were at hospital for your natural birth? It may not be what you want at all but have you considered a home birth with an independent MW? That's what we did because of lack of options really but I would do it by choice next time. Being an independent MW made me feel so much more in control and being at home made a big difference too. I had some chance to get to know her before and knew we were on the same page. I think a natural birth is much harder in hospital. She would have attended a HB for me from 37 weeks. Don't forget if you don't agree with them about something like monitoring they have to respect your choices too. It's not always possible when you are in labour but it can help to be firm about what you want. Being monitored and baby being a back labour must have made it really tough. For me laying down made contractions 10x more painful, I had to stay standing up. I'm not sure how I would have coped with a labour confined to a bed.


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## daddiesgift

With my first the natural birth we were at a birth center. With my second the epdiural birth it was a hospital. I have searched high and low for a home birth midwife but there is none in my area taking any clients right now or they arent willing to travel where we live. We live in a smaller town. 

The place Im going now is a birth center but in a completely different country than my first :haha: Ive only had two appointments there so far but they seem all very understanding and nice. I have to see all five of the midwives there in case I go into labor and the one I want cant make it so I feel comfortable with each one and so far Ive liked the two Ive met. I told one today I hired a doula and she seemed excited about that and for sure said they could help me over come some trauma or fears I have. This place only makes me nervous because they do have a LOT of stipulations for you to give birth there. I think because they have no high risk equipement they dont allow any issues during pregnancy at all. I have to qualify to birth there every month. If for some reason I do have to go to hospital a midwife from there can come with me. I really just want a water birth and again no where but this place Im going offers that!


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## BunnyN

It sounds like you have made a really good start. Sorry you cant find a HB MW, we only found one when I was about 28 weeks pregnant and I was getting totally stressed out so I sympathise but the birthing center MWs sound really nice.


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## Pearls18

For me it was remembering that natural birth is normal, it's how we were intended to give birth and that old chestnut of remembering millions of women have done it before me, it's not unusual to give birth naturally, it's called natural for a reason! So I wouldn't assume to give birth any other way. However, I also knew that it was the 21st century and if I needed help, it was there, if I struggled there were other options, if there were problems I was in good hands. However, by default I knew natural was best unless something else happened if you know what I mean. Physically, I drank RLT and read up all about how labour works, went to classes, learned how keeping mobile was best, not lying on your back etc. it's amazing how empowering just understanding how labour works is.


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## BunnyN

I actually think you were better prepared than you think for a natural birth, it's just that things started going wrong for you and you didn't have any support to help you cope, or even to help you change your plan.


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## Earthy.Mama

What helped me was learning as much as I could. I really enjoyed the Bradley Method book with #1, didn't read it with #2, just read it again since I'm preggo and find it cheesy now and not informative anymore since I know all that LOL!!!

Same techniques with #1 (painless) and #2 (was painful), just depends on the birth and body I guess.


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