# Isnt it illegal in UK not to put the dad's name on the BC?



## lillprutten

I find it shocking how many ladies not putting the father of their child on the BC.
Is it so the father gets away not paying the childsupport?
Isn't that illegal?


I wouldn't dream of not putting my baby's father's name on the birth certificate, my child deserves that and so do I.
And he if he is capable of making a child then he is capable of at least taking his responsibility by paying child support.


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## purpledahlia

Lol, sorry dont mean to laugh, but no. Its nothing to do with child support. And its not illegal either to not have him sign it, heck some men refuse!
I personally wont be handing over 50% parental rights to an emotionally abusive arsehole. If he prooves himself to be a good dad then yes we can discuss applying to add him on, it depends on the man himself. maybe you got lucky with a decent guy, 

Its not ''shocking'' to not put him on.. some guys dont deserve it. Its nothing to do with child support because your right when you say they should take the responsibility of paying it anyways.. CSA do not need him on the BC to gain Maintenence.


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## KaeRit21

its not illegal no, but thats nothing to do with my reasons for not putting FOB on my babys BC. i personally dont see why i should hand him 50% parental rights when hes done nothing for either me or baby, besides cause us stress and emotional difficulty.
besides the fact the decision has now been taken out my hands, i wont be putting him on, and neither will i be chasing him for maintainance. i dont want anything from him. both me and my baby deserve better, and i dont see why i should allow him to swan in and act on the rights that would be given to him just because the law says he can.

he doesnt deserve to be on it, i know who he is, and so will my baby. i dont need a bit of paper to show it. he wont be involved in either of our lives, why should i give him the rights, esp if anything should happen to me. he automatically be granted access or considered for custody and this is the last thing id want to happen.


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## purpledahlia

Why do these 'men' deserve to be able to stop us moving or going on a long holiday, why would we purposely put ourselves in a position to have to ASK their permission to go abroad or do certain things.. That is ridiculous. 

Quite frankly i find it a bit insulting coming into single parents telling us how you think its shocking the we are not putting them on, firstly WE cant put them on, they have to want to go on and do it themselves, Are you single? have you been in this position with an abusive / arrogant / disgusting selfish man? You cant really judge ANYONE elses reasons for not putting them on. Our children will know their dad's so long as their dads step up and make the effort. a bit of paper will not make one bit of difference in our lives apart from the fact that they can control us and everything we do if their on it for the next 18 years. 
Rant over.


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## KaeRit21

i personally dont see how you can come into a single parents forum and judge us for the choices that we not only have made to PROTECT both ourselves and our babies, but that these "men" have forced us to make. 

im sorry, but you dont know anything about me, or the reasons why ive made the choices i have. nor do you have any idea what ive been through in order to get to where i am so i find it a bit insulting that you can come in here and judge just because its not something YOU would do. 

i wouldnt force fob to go and sign the bc, nor would i even ask him. i value mine and my babys freedom and i would like to have the choice to move us or take us away for long periods of time without fighting for permission to do so.

its a big decision and its not one thats been taken lightly


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## lillprutten

Oh then it is better here.
Here you can write his name as father and that doesnt make it automatically shared custody. Then a few weeks later you get papers (once he has signed fatherhood or dna test proved its him thats the father) if you want shared custody.
Although if you are married you get shared custody automatically.

PS. Purpledahlia, no offense hun, but I wouldn't personally laugh if you asked something about Sweden that you misunderstood, but then we all have different manners xxx


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## lillprutten

And i want to add that I am perhaps lucky becauase I know the father of my child wont even try to stop us from moving if we wanted to! And I wont sign papers for shared custody but I will write his name on the papers as he is by law obligated to pay child support.
If he wants to meet the baby (if he changes his mind) then he is free to do so.


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## purpledahlia

how are we meant to guess your in sweden?? I was ''lol'ing'' at the fact you found it shocking we were not putting them on, because we have perfectly good reasons not too. Your bit at the side there with your username does not state where you live, i did look for reference but we cant just guess your not in the UK. 

If your married here the rules are a bit diff i think you *might* be able to sign his name, but if your not he has to be there in person and do it himself. We cannot name him. And the BC doesnt have much to do with maintenence, Thats either done thru a private agreement or the CSA, and the CSA only need a name or contact number to start proceedings, It doesnt make a difference if hes on the BC. And if he denies parentage AND refuses to do the DNA (which he is charged for) then he is automatically assumed the father and cSA will take money from his wages before he sees it, So it really makes no diff when it comes to payments.


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## KaeRit21

its different here if your married, either parent can register baby and put name on the bc, providing they have proof of marriage ie marriage cert.

the name being on or off the birth cert doesnt mean anything in regards to maintance payments, 

to be fair, you didnt say you were in a different country and theres no reference next to your username...but you came in here judging us ladies for the decisions we have made before you'd took the time to understand how it works, or asked...


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## lillprutten

Well I would assume that either you didnt know or knew I was in Sweden such reactions laughing about peoples´ unknowledge isn't nice. Luckily I dont care much but what if you upset a really sensitive person.
I suppose I could of upset a few people with my posts perhaps thats why I got that receivement on my post?


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## Perdita

Now now ladies - no need to get heated up!! Lillprutten - you did kinda set the cat among the pigeons by saying you found it shocking that we aren't putting the father on the BC - you obviously weren't aware that legally we can't if they arent there when we register the birth to sign for themselves, we don't have a choice in that. It would maybe have been better if you had said you were curious as to why as in sweden you do things the way you do - then you would have just got the same info you did but without anyone feeling they were being judged for it! It's a bit of a touchy subject for so many of us because the rules here mean the moment his name is on the certificate the father can really make your life difficult regardless of whether they actually do anything for their child! If the father turns up to sign the BC in my case then the man that wanted me to have an abortion will get all sorts of rights over mine and my childs life without having to make any changes to his own. He can decide never to see her unless it suits him and still get a say in all the major decisions - I'm glad he's shown no interest in it! Because conversely if he says hes the father and turns up I don't think I have a right to stop him from going on the BC even if the only reason he wants to is to jerk me around later because that's the person he is. 
It seemed to me that the laughing wasn't really at you lillprutten but more the idea that we do it for anything other than the best of reasons and that it's been an easy choice! As you can see it's a very emotional topic and for it to be raised in what seemed a judgemental way was bound to get the hackles up! Perhaps it's best to put something on about where you are so can maybe see you're not working under the same legal system????


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## teal

Not illegal here. I can appreciate you're in a different country where the laws are different but I don't think it's fair you made a sweeping comment about women not naming the father on the birth certificate without knowing everyones circumstances.

Since I wasn't married to my ex I can't put his name on the birth certificate without him being there. I've not spoken to him since I first found out I was pregnant (in June). He's now made it pretty much impossible for me to contact him so the decision of whether to put him on the birth certificate is out of my control.


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## honey08

havent read anyones replies but the dad has to be there to ad him to the BC uknow :?


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## lillprutten

aha i didnt know the dad had to be there, we dont have bc here, we have personal numbers and thats on datasystem and on paper.


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## purpledahlia

I did say in my earlier post he has to be there. as did Kirstin,
to be fair you didnt come in asking questions about how it worked.. you just jumped the gun and said what YOU thought about OUR choices. Then made me out to be the bad person for laughing. You should of worded the original post completely different, actually ASKED, and actually said you were abroad. and not used the words '' find it shocking'' about our decisions.


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## tinkabells

Also i would like to add some of us would like to put the dads name on BC but because of the laws here, they have to be there with us when getting the BC, and as this is a single parents part of the forum we all have our reasons to why there are or arent going onto it, wehther s our choice or now, but also it doesnt say your from sweden, so were not to know you are not from England.


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## misswren

I'm registering my baby tomorrow and I wanted the name on the cert and have asked and asked my baby's dad to do a statutory declaration but he just won't - I want the paternity to be confirmed as I know he tries to imply his son might not be his and tried to explain cutting me out by saying he thought this bab wasn't his.

Now I have to go to court to get paternity established then re-register if I want his name on...ridiculously I could just cite my older girl's dad as we are not divorced!!


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## Ash_P

Personally It is OUR own rite and choice to decide whether they have the name on the BC or not. If we agree the FOB must be there in person to sign his name (we can not do it for them - unless married)
I dont think its very nice that you are coming in here, and judging or making presumptions on the decisions we make in regards to our children. 
U may be "lucky" as u state that the father of ur child would not stop u from leaving the country etc but not all of us are as "LUCKY" as u claim to be.
Some of us in the section of the site have been thru HORRIFIC times during our pregnancys and raising children, and its certainly not ur place to judge us on our actions. 
Quite frankly, most of us are connected to complete sh*theads and they do not deserve to be even called a father never mind have responsibilities or even so much as a SAY in our childrens lifes. 

If you took the time to read some threads in this section, the amount of us who have been left by husbands/boyfriends DURING our pregnancy and havent even as much as had a text message to ask how the pregnancy is going. How could we possibly be expected to grant them parental rights. Most of them cant think about anyone other than themselves, never mind a new born baby.

(this is not meant to be a full frontal attack on u, so dont take it that way, Im voicing my opinion, every situation is different and u must respect the rites of others choices)


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