# What are your bridesmaids paying for!?



## AmandaBaby

Firstly, congratulations to all of you lovely engaged ladies :)

I'm a little bit stumped when it comes to what my bridesmaids are paying for. Actually the whole bridesmaids thing in general is kind of stressful. Firstly, i've got about 7 people who want to be my bridesmaids!! However, i'm only choosing 3. There's my sister, my half sister, my SIL to be, and 4 friends.
I've chosen to have my sister as my made of honour, and 2 of my friends as my bridesmaids. I haven't chosen my half sister or my SIL to be because they are both quite young, one is 12 and the other is 14, so neither of them would be able to come out for my hens night, they can't drive if I need them to and really i'm just not as close with them. The 2 friends i've chosen, one has been one of my best friends for the last 4-5 years and the other I have known for a little under a year however she became a REALLY good friend when we worked together, we get along really well, she's helpful, supportive and I just couldn't imagine NOT having her as a bridesmaid :) I haven't officially told the girls that they will be my bridesmaids (except for my sister) because the wedding isn't for another year and a half, so just in case something came up/went wrong, etc etc...

ANYWAY, moving on to the money side of things, what are your bridesmaids paying for? Ideally, I would love to have the girls paying for their dress/shoes ($50 each) and their hair/make-up (approx. $50 each). So thats a total of about $200 per bridesmaid, is that too much to ask for? :| I want us all to have nice nails so i'm willing to pay for them and I thought I could buy all of the jewellery as a present for them. Does this sound reasonable. I would love to pay for it all but the costs are adding up quickly, especially because we're having a sit down meal at $100 per person, so that's added up to about $4000!!

Opinions are appreciated!!
x


----------



## michyk84

I've brought their dresses,bags, hair things, & making their jewellery for them, they are buying their shoes & paying for their own tan if they want it & nails 
you have to do what is right for you & your situation but I've been a bridesmaid a couple of times & I've never been asked to pay for my own dress


----------



## Perfect_pink

My bridesmaids paid for there own shoes n dresses x


----------



## jojo2605

IMO if you are asking them to be your bridesmaid its up to you to clothe them on your wedding day. I'm paying for dresses, shoes & any hair piece they may have. Also, if I decide to pay for hair and makeup theyll get that too. I kinda see it that its a necessary cost of the wedding - We're cutting costs in a lot of areas but clothing for the wedding party isnt one of them.

Of course thats just my opinion and what I feel is right; if you think your bridesmaids will understand then fair play to you!


----------



## LoraLoo

jojo2605 said:


> IMO if you are asking them to be your bridesmaid its up to you to clothe them on your wedding day. I'm paying for dresses, shoes & any hair piece they may have. Also, if I decide to pay for hair and makeup theyll get that too. I kinda see it that its a necessary cost of the wedding - We're cutting costs in a lot of areas but clothing for the wedding party isnt one of them.
> 
> Of course thats just my opinion and what I feel is right; if you think your bridesmaids will understand then fair play to you!

This, I dont expect anyone to pay anything towards MY wedding :shrug:


----------



## Twiglet

My bridesmaids have paid for their own shoes as they get more money than me spare each month. 

It used to be tradition that they paid to clothe themselves and if they're willing to pay for it then why not :shrug:


----------



## x-amy-x

I paid for the dresses. They all chose to buy their own shoes as a kinda wedding gift as we were wedding on a tight budget. 

Though they were never expected to pay for anything x


----------



## lozzy21

I wouldent expect my bridesmaids to pay for anything other than fake tan if they wanted. If i want them to be part of my wedding i think its only fair i pay for it.


----------



## michyk84

my girls offered to pay for their shoes


----------



## vhal_x

Yeah, I wouldn't want my bridesmaids to pay for anything themselves, unless it was something of personal choice, such as wanting to have their hair dyed (not done for the wedding, like styled IYKWIM, just if they wanted to change their hair colour of whatever), or have a fake tan done.

I'll be paying for (albeit in a few years time), their dresses, shoes, bouquet, small handbag/clutch, hair/makeup, jewellery and getting their nails done :shrug:

I wouldn't expect them to pay any of it theirselves, obviously if they offered to, I'd consider letting them (such as, if they knew I was running low on funds so offered to help out), but I in no way would be making them pay for the stuff...

Just my opinion though hun :flow: xx


----------



## Mynx

I paid for dresses, shoes, and accessories (shrugs, hair accessories etc) 
I told my bridesmaid tho that I drew the line at new undies altho I did pay for a strapless bra for her .. she wanted fake tan and nails etc so she paid for those herself. 
My flower girls I paid for it all apart from undies :haha: 

If you think your B'maids would be happy to pay for their own dresses then fair enough but I wouldnt have expected mine to, simply because I'd asked them to be my B'maids and so their outfits were part of our budget. It's all about personal circumstances tho hun :)


----------



## leash27

I am having 4 BM's and they aren't paying for anything. To be honest, I had never even heard of BM's paying for their own dresses/shoes etc before. I just assumed that since I am choosing what they wear and how they have their hair then it should be me who foots the bill. I draw the line at paying for their tan and undies though lol.

I suppose it depends on your budget really, personally if I couldn't afford to pay for dresses then I probably wouldn't have 4 BM's.

x


----------



## leahsbabybump

im paying for everything for my bridesmaids in my personal opinion you are asking them to be your bridesmaid so you should provide their dresses etc
just my opinion though ive been a bridesmaid before and the question of me paying for anything never came into it i was provided with everything aswell as a gift to thank me for being the bridesmaid


----------



## Lisa84

I am having 3 bridesmaids and they aren't paying for anything. The main reason for this is because the dresses i have chosen aren't the cheapest and i can't expect them to pay for something i have chocen. I also think that it's my wedding so i should pay.

I was a bridesmaid for my friend 2 years ago and we had to pay for everything and in total it ended up costing me about £150 and at the time we were really skint and i really resented it. I would never have refused to be her bridesmaid but the expense was a strain especially because she went abroad for her hen do and also had one in England xxx


----------



## thestarsfall

Things must be different over here in Canada because it is pretty standard that the bridesmaids pay for everything themselves here. Unless you're marrying into a upper class family or you come from an upper class family. My family is upper middle class and my fiance is lower middle class and my mom has offered to pay upfront for the bridesmaid dresses and then they can pay her back and she'll cover part of the dresses if the girls can't. etc...

and then I dont care what shoes they wear etc...so that they can just wear things they have.

But then also, bridesmaid dresses here cost like 200 bucks a pop as well. Ugh, so expensive.


----------



## dani_tinks

I'm having my two little sisters as BM's and my Mum's offered to pay for theirs as theyre still living at home, plus she wants to help us out. Our wedding's stupidly expensive as it is so i'm very thankful that they're sorting themselves out. I've told them they can wear what they like, whatever style they like. I'm really not fussed to be honest.


----------



## cupcakekate

i've paid for everything, only thing they'll be sorting is nails if they want them done. xx


----------



## emzky90

My bridesmaids have offered to pay for their own but I've told them that they can choose their own style as long as they all have something matching, hair piece for eg. I'm on a mission to do our wedding as cheap as possible as really can't justify spending 1000s on one day. And that way wwith them choosing their own they can always wear it again.


----------



## AmandaBaby

Thank you to everyone for your opinions! It's been a great help :)
I've asked a few people and I think it's quite common here that the bridesmaids pay for a bit of their own things. I think i'm going to just have them buy there own dresses (They will be ones that are affordable and can be re-worn), their shoes (or wear shoes they already have) and their nails. Then I will pay for their hair and make-up, bouquets and give them the jewellery as their gift.


----------



## Feltzy

I have 4 adult bm's and we're paying for the dresses, hair accessories and for them to get their hair styled on the morning of the wedding. My OH has drawn the line at paying for them to get make-up done and also for shoes, I had a battle getting him to agree to fund their hair! I feel we should pay for their hair styling because I want their hair to be a certain style (and to look professional). However, I'm not fussed about them having their make-up a particular way so if they want to have it done professionaly they can pay themselves, they have no problem with this and I think its fair. 

With regard to shoes I'm not bothered about them matching either but I might hint to them getting sandals in a certain colour.

My OH's brother got married at the weekend and my OH paid for his own groomsman suit hire and shoes etc. We don't mind one bit because we know they don't have a lot of money and OH would have spent that money buying a new outfit for the wedding anyway. Unfortunately not everyone can afford to pay for everything, people can say no if they're not happy to do it so don't feel bad about it.


----------



## Tiff

thestarsfall said:


> Things must be different over here in Canada because it is pretty standard that the bridesmaids pay for everything themselves here. Unless you're marrying into a upper class family or you come from an upper class family. My family is upper middle class and my fiance is lower middle class and my mom has offered to pay upfront for the bridesmaid dresses and then they can pay her back and she'll cover part of the dresses if the girls can't. etc...
> 
> and then I dont care what shoes they wear etc...so that they can just wear things they have.
> 
> But then also, bridesmaid dresses here cost like 200 bucks a pop as well. Ugh, so expensive.

This. I agree with how it must be different, as its considered the standard/norm to pay for your own things if you are a bridesmaid. 

I was in my friend's wedding and I doled out over $200 for my dress (alterations/etc), $80 towards a Buck n' Doe gift, money for new shoes, got my nails done, $50 for her bachelorette party along with another $50-$100 for decorations, food (cake/munchies) and booze.

The only things I didn't pay for was my hair and make up - the Bride took care of that herself. She also got us a necklace to wear too. 

I did the same when it was my turn, my girls took care of their dress and part of their hair/make up (as we didn't do a buck n' doe), expenses for my bridal shower and my bachelorette. 

Guess its just different culturally.


----------



## sianyld

i have bought dresses, jewellery, and a hair clip each for my bridesmaids but have asked them to get their own shoes. Plus they can get shoes they can wear again. Unfortunately weddings are becoming more of an expense all the time and my bm's didn't find it unfair at all, they were happy to help out. As would i b if i was a bridesmaid x


----------



## Mindy_mini

LoraLoo said:


> jojo2605 said:
> 
> 
> IMO if you are asking them to be your bridesmaid its up to you to clothe them on your wedding day. I'm paying for dresses, shoes & any hair piece they may have. Also, if I decide to pay for hair and makeup theyll get that too. I kinda see it that its a necessary cost of the wedding - We're cutting costs in a lot of areas but clothing for the wedding party isnt one of them.
> 
> Of course thats just my opinion and what I feel is right; if you think your bridesmaids will understand then fair play to you!
> 
> This, I dont expect anyone to pay anything towards MY wedding :shrug:Click to expand...


What they said !


----------



## Hayley90

LoraLoo said:


> jojo2605 said:
> 
> 
> IMO if you are asking them to be your bridesmaid its up to you to clothe them on your wedding day. I'm paying for dresses, shoes & any hair piece they may have. Also, if I decide to pay for hair and makeup theyll get that too. I kinda see it that its a necessary cost of the wedding - We're cutting costs in a lot of areas but clothing for the wedding party isnt one of them.
> 
> Of course thats just my opinion and what I feel is right; if you think your bridesmaids will understand then fair play to you!
> 
> This, I dont expect anyone to pay anything towards MY wedding :shrug:Click to expand...

this. 

im paying for all dresses/shoes/jewellery/hair/makeup and any prep like nails tan etc. if i wasnt going to pay, i wouldnt ask them to do it. x


----------



## TaylorsMummyx

id be abit pissed off if i was asked to be a bridesmaid and then had to fork out 100s i havent got to buy my dress =/ it would make me not want to be there bridesmaid.

Im having my neice [she will be 12] and my daughter who wil be 5 as bridesmaids


----------



## Vickieh1981

jojo2605 said:


> IMO if you are asking them to be your bridesmaid its up to you to clothe them on your wedding day. I'm paying for dresses, shoes & any hair piece they may have. Also, if I decide to pay for hair and makeup theyll get that too. I kinda see it that its a necessary cost of the wedding - We're cutting costs in a lot of areas but clothing for the wedding party isnt one of them.
> 
> Of course thats just my opinion and what I feel is right; if you think your bridesmaids will understand then fair play to you!

What she said. My bridesmaids will pay for their hair and make up if they want it done but they can do it themselves if they are not happy with that.

I am paying for dresses, shoes, bags and jewellery. I didn't pay for anything when I was my friends bridesmaid in July - she even paid for the hotel room


----------



## Vickieh1981

thestarsfall said:


> Things must be different over here in Canada because it is pretty standard that the bridesmaids pay for everything themselves here. Unless you're marrying into a upper class family or you come from an upper class family. My family is upper middle class and my fiance is lower middle class and my mom has offered to pay upfront for the bridesmaid dresses and then they can pay her back and she'll cover part of the dresses if the girls can't. etc...
> 
> and then I dont care what shoes they wear etc...so that they can just wear things they have.
> 
> But then also, bridesmaid dresses here cost like 200 bucks a pop as well. Ugh, so expensive.

Yeah they are expensive here too - more so I think. My bridesmaids dresses are £195 each which is $317 in canadian dollars.

I guess it must just be different in different countries. My bridesmaids have offered to pay for their dresses but tbh I don't think it is down to them which is why I said no.


----------



## Lisa84

Yeah they are expensive here too - more so I think. My bridesmaids dresses are £195 each which is $317 in canadian dollars.
I guess it must just be different in different countries. My bridesmaids have offered to pay for their dresses but tbh I don't think it is down to them which is why I said no.[/QUOTE said:

> Our BM dresses will be about this much too and i just felt that that would be way to much to ask them to pay when the dresses were something i had picked xxx


----------



## Tiff

TaylorsMummyx said:


> id be abit pissed off if i was asked to be a bridesmaid and then had to fork out 100s i havent got to buy my dress =/ it would make me not want to be there bridesmaid.
> 
> Im having my neice [she will be 12] and my daughter who wil be 5 as bridesmaids

Over here, then you just say that you would love to but can't afford it. :shrug: 

Just because you are asked doesn't mean you have to. Ditto if you can't commit to the times of things, etc.


----------



## marie24

my bridesmaids r payin for there own dresses, wearing shoes they already have, im payin for hair flowes and accesories


----------



## Feltzy

TaylorsMummyx said:


> id be abit pissed off if i was asked to be a bridesmaid and then had to fork out 100s i havent got to buy my dress =/ it would make me not want to be there bridesmaid.
> 
> Im having my neice [she will be 12] and my daughter who wil be 5 as bridesmaids

If a close friend of mine asked me to be bm I honestly wouldn't think bad of her if she explained that she couldn't afford to buy me a dress etc, I'd just be honoured that she asked me and I'd do anything I could to help her out. If I couldn't afford it then I'd just say no.


----------



## Hayley90

yeah, it defo wouldnt make me 'quit' as bridesmaid. its an honour, rather than a task. ive never been a BM, its getting to the point where id happily PAY SOMEONE to let me be one :rofl:


----------



## Lisa84

I suppose if you can afford it it's not so bad when asked but if you are skint the idea of folking out a fortune for someone elses wedding wouldn't appeal to me. My bridesmaids dresses are about £180 and i wouldn't dream of asking them to pay for it especially as 2 of them are skint xxx


----------



## AmandaBaby

Feltzy said:


> TaylorsMummyx said:
> 
> 
> id be abit pissed off if i was asked to be a bridesmaid and then had to fork out 100s i havent got to buy my dress =/ it would make me not want to be there bridesmaid.
> 
> Im having my neice [she will be 12] and my daughter who wil be 5 as bridesmaids
> 
> If a close friend of mine asked me to be bm I honestly wouldn't think bad of her if she explained that she couldn't afford to buy me a dress etc, I'd just be honoured that she asked me and I'd do anything I could to help her out. If I couldn't afford it then I'd just say no.Click to expand...

This :)
When I was a bridesmaid for my sister I paid for my dress, shoes and nails and she paid for my hair and make-up and I was fine with that, like you said, I was honoured :) One of my friends, who doesn't yet know she is going to be a bridesmaid said that being a bridesmaid is an honour and that they should pay for it all if they loved me enough, etc etc (her words not mine) of course I don't want them to pay for everything but just half like dress, shoes, nails. I'm having probably 3 bridesmaids; my sister and 2 of my best friends. I will help my sister out more with paying for things because I know she is low on money however my other 2 friends still live at home (don't have weekly expenses - or a lot of them) and will have enough money to buy the few things. The dresses aren't going to be expensive and will be cocktail dresses that they will be able to wear again :)


----------



## bananaboat

Definitely much different in the US where it's typically expected that as a BM, you'll be purchasing your own dress and accessories. My girls picked out the dress themselves so they had some control over the cost. I didn't care about shoes or jewelry. They could either wear something they had or purchase their own.

As part of their gift, I gave them each a giftcard to our local salon/spa. They could either use that towards hair/make-up on the wedding day if they wanted (I didn't require them to get done up) or they could use it for any services they liked on their own.

I should also mention that I told each of my BMs that if there were any concerns about money, I would absolutely help out.


----------



## chelseaharvey

Im not having bridesmaids but flowergirls & will be buying

Dress
Shoes
Jewlerry
Bag
Paying to get there hair put up

If i was having bridesmaids i would be doing the same. I couldnt ask them to pay for any of it themselves..


----------



## toffee87

I'm paying for their dress and hair/makeup doing. They're sorting shoes out x


----------



## lilyV

my bridesmaids paid for dresses, shoes, bridal shower, and bachelorette. I scored them Alfred Angelo dresses for $40 each, shoes if they had already it was fine, I told them the colour.

they paid for their hair and make-up if they wanted to get it professionally, I let them decide.

GL


----------



## Chai_w

My bridesmaids and maid of honor are paying for their dresses, we arent having any professional makeup or hair so they will do their own make-up and their own hair however they would like as long as it isn't too crazy, and they are choosing(whether they buy it or not) their own shoes. other than that OH and I are paying lol


----------



## Arlandria

Were paying for our bridesmaids dresses, bags, shoes & hair piece.

They're doing their own make-up and nails etc...I might get their hair done yet depending on what I want. I think i'll just have them down :)


----------



## lilysmum2

Our original plan was to either buy the dress and she pays for accessories. or vise versa, of course we have paid for everything :(


----------



## TTCMetalMom

As soon as I got engaged and asked my two bridesmaids, I let them straight the way that I'd prefer for them to pay for their own dresses (our budget for the entire wedding is £1000 maximum, because we're poor), they agreed and then I asked them to wear black cocktail dresses with petticoats/shoes/details in their favorite colors, which suits us all just fine :)


----------



## amygwen

I can't speak for my own wedding since I'm not planning it anytime soon yet.

But both of my sisters were married and I was both of their maid's of honor. My eldest sister who got married in 2006 paid for my dress, shoes, nails and hair. She's a lot better off with money and only had 2 bridesmaids (me and my other sister). My other sister who got married in 2010 only paid for my hair & nails, but that's only because she had 7 bridesmaids. 

It's really up to you on what you decide to have them pay for. I think really them buying their dress and shoes should be their responsibility if they are able to afford it with no issues. Getting an up-do can be quite expensive and some people might not want to have their hair done, but I think this is especially important to speak to your future bridesmaids about this because then you can at least get their input if you want their hair do's to be similiar. Nails, I definitely think would be a nice treat for you to pay for.


----------

