# Not sure I should be in here :(



## VickyLou

Hey ladies sorry in advance if this is long and doesn't make much sense or I ramble. Please don't judge. 

I'm not sure if my daughter has a problem or not but I would like some advice from those that may understand. Don't get me wrong I really don't want to label my daughter with anything but on the other hand if there is a problem I would rather get it recognised sooner rather than later. 

So on Wednesday next week I have a nursery nurse coming to my house to assess my daughter for her general development but the main focus will be her speech. I mentioned to her paediatrician (she sees one every 3 months cause she is allergic to cows milk and has a few intolerances) that she isn't saying any words yet no mama, dada, cat, dog etc etc. Oh I should mention she is 17 months old. The paediatrician said she should have at least 3 consistent words by this age, mama and dada being the main 2. Anyway the paed referred me back to the health visitors. They called me last week and told me to go on google and find some mother and baby groups to take her to so she's interacting with other children. I haven't took her to any of these kinds of groups cause she was so poorly for the first 4 months of her life then we tried to establish a good routine with her and she's always been an awful sleeper so a lot of the time we are just to tired to do these early morning groups. 
Aside for lack of speech, the fact she's a very bad sleeper, she hates her routine being messed with, everything has to be done on her terms. Recently, the last month or 2 she has been having proper melt downs, I mean throwing herself on the floor, banging her head, hitting me or herself and screaming hysterically over small silly things, like her bum needing changing, or I want to get her dressed.
She hasn't recently stopped napping in the day time, if I try and put her down she has a melt down, smacks me in the face, crying, screaming sometimes to the point she is sick :( 
We have 3 cats, the last fortnight she will go to the cats but the minute she touches them again she has a crying melt down :( she will sit on the floor next to the safety gate that leads to the kitchen and grab at the cat, the cat will come to her and run against her and again she will go mad, crying, but still grabbing and pushing the cat. If I move the cat so she can't touch it she stops crying instantly. This is very strange behaviour all of a sudden. 
Also in the last month or so she suddenly hates a bath. Her one thing that she's always been happy with was being in water. She would sit in the bath for ages playing with her toys and splashing. Now if I can manage to get her into the bath with getting her to upset she has a melt down. Especially if there are things in the bath, she will cry and pass me everything that's in the bath one by one and then stand up and try and get out. I sit her down and give her a very quick wash cause she just screams all the time. It's breaking my heart watching my girl change so much pretty much over night. I've always had this little niggle that something might not be quite right but now the alarm bells are ringing in my head and I can't shake it off. 
My mum come to stay last week for 2 days, she lives 120 miles so doesn't get to see her often but she noticed things that I hadn't. The way she has to put things away, say she has a small box full of stuff she will empty it out then put everything back one by one but closing the lid on the box everytime she has put something in it. If you try and put an item in the box when the lid is open and she has just put one in she will take 1 item out close the lid and then put the item back. (Hope that makes sense) 
She has some stacker cups that she's likes to put on the floor but they all have to be the same way up, I turn one over to see what she does, she will turn it so it matches the rest. If I do it say 3 times she goes mad and starts hitting and throwing herself around. 
There are things I'm missing I'm sure but I think you get the gist of it. My other half told me the other day he has noticed all these things but wants to bury his head in the sand like it isn't happening. He has ADHD and my younger brother has mild autism and ADHD. I'm not if these things can be passed on. I've read lots of information and took a MCAP test (I think that's what it's called) and that tells me there is a possible link to autism and I should my GP but I'm terrified cause her whole life so far I've been fobbed off left right and centre with her allergies etc. I haven't got any fight left in me for another battle like this. 
I know it's difficult to say ether way at her age cause she's developing every day but something just doesn't compute. This behaviour doesn't sit right with me. As I said at the start of my post of there is a problem I would rather get it dealt with sooner rather than later so it doesn't hinder anymore of her development.

Any help, advice or just stories of comfort will help right now. 

Sorry again for the long post. If you got this far thank you for reading.


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## hotpinklily84

First and for most sorry your going through this:hugs:
What your describing sounds like your little one has ocd and anxiety disorder all part of the autism spectrum. I have two children with autism my daughter who is thirteen and my son who 
is ten both diagnosed before turning 4. I hope you are able to find out soon what is going on. :hugs:


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## VickyLou

hotpinklily84 said:


> First and for most sorry your going through this:hugs:
> What your describing sounds like your little one has ocd and anxiety disorder all part of the autism spectrum. I have two children with autism my daughter who is thirteen and my son who
> is ten both diagnosed before turning 4. I hope you are able to find out soon what is going on. :hugs:

Thank you for your reply. How is it possible for a 17 month old to have have OCD and anxiety? (You are not the only one who has mentioned OCD) I dunno, when I think of OCD and anxiety I think of older people, like a clean freak (that's me) and anxiety cause of something that's caused it like a trauma. X


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## alibaba24

I personally don't agree with labelling such a young child. They change and develop so much. My two year old was so gentle with our pets and then went through a phase of hurting them or trying to. Kids this age love to put things in an out of boxes etc I can't comment too much on the behaviours you have talked about but I can talk from my experience that my oldest was quite similar I wasn't allowed to touch her toys etc. There's been a question over autism but she's been reviews for the last 2 years and nobody really thinks it's autism just she may share some traits which she's all but grown out of. The things that bothered her as a toddler no longer concern her. She's very sociable and likes to play with now. But autism can go either way some kids are overly social and struggle with boundaries. Tbh it's a minefield . But if I were in your shoes I'd give your lo a bit more time and if your still concerned then I would take it further


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## VickyLou

alibaba24 said:


> I personally don't agree with labelling such a young child. They change and develop so much. My two year old was so gentle with our pets and then went through a phase of hurting them or trying to. Kids this age love to put things in an out of boxes etc I can't comment too much on the behaviours you have talked about but I can talk from my experience that my oldest was quite similar I wasn't allowed to touch her toys etc. There's been a question over autism but she's been reviews for the last 2 years and nobody really thinks it's autism just she may share some traits which she's all but grown out of. The things that bothered her as a toddler no longer concern her. She's very sociable and likes to play with now. But autism can go either way some kids are overly social and struggle with boundaries. Tbh it's a minefield . But if I were in your shoes I'd give your lo a bit more time and if your still concerned then I would take it further

I also do not agree with labelling a child so young as they are developing every day. I guess unless you watch her for your self it is difficult to know what I am saying. It's difficult to read a post like this and say yep it's this that or the other. At the end of the day though it's my child and I know her best, and I know that something is quite right but I can't put my finger on what it is. 
I am 22 weeks pregnant with our second daughter I did wonder if maybe she was picking up on vibes and that was making her be this way? But I don't think she's actually old enough to understand any of this.

My main worry right now is her speech. I would love her to start saying mama again :( what I should of said in my first post is she was starting to talk at around 12 months old saying a few words but now she has totally stopped saying anything.


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## alibaba24

It seems quite common from other people's posts that some kids regress in speech. My oldest daughter didn't start copying words until she was nearly two so I do understand your concerns. I absolutely agree nobody will know her better than you and if your gut is telling g you something then there's no harm to look deeper


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## lusterleaf

Hi, I am sorry for what you are going through. I have been there. My son was also not talking (no mama, dada) and at 18 months our pediatrician said to call early intervention (I am in the US) to get an evaluation done. Originally my first concern was for speech (and he qualified for speech therapy) but I also started researching online and saw some red flags that indicated he may have autism. Things like, not responding to his name, spotty eye contact, fascination with opening and closing doors and cabinets, lights on and off, not following simple one step directions. So I asked for a pscyh. evaluation and he was diagnosed with ASD. Not really something I wanted to hear but then he was able to receive ABA therapy. Maybe in your case it could be nothing but I am glad you are being proactive in getting her checked out, because if she truly needs intervention/therapy then its best to start as early as possible. As far as OCD and age... My son is now 3.5 and he does have some OCD qualities for sure... for example if he goes to a park, he will make a routine of what he does... for example, this past weekend he went on a structure, went down the slide, ran to the fence, touched the fence, then went back up the structure....repeat. I can name other things but I won't ramble on! Good luck, if you have any questions feel free to ask.


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## VickyLou

lusterleaf said:


> Hi, I am sorry for what you are going through. I have been there. My son was also not talking (no mama, dada) and at 18 months our pediatrician said to call early intervention (I am in the US) to get an evaluation done. Originally my first concern was for speech (and he qualified for speech therapy) but I also started researching online and saw some red flags that indicated he may have autism. Things like, not responding to his name, spotty eye contact, fascination with opening and closing doors and cabinets, lights on and off, not following simple one step directions. So I asked for a pscyh. evaluation and he was diagnosed with ASD. Not really something I wanted to hear but then he was able to receive ABA therapy. Maybe in your case it could be nothing but I am glad you are being proactive in getting her checked out, because if she truly needs intervention/therapy then its best to start as early as possible. As far as OCD and age... My son is now 3.5 and he does have some OCD qualities for sure... for example if he goes to a park, he will make a routine of what he does... for example, this past weekend he went on a structure, went down the slide, ran to the fence, touched the fence, then went back up the structure....repeat. I can name other things but I won't ramble on! Good luck, if you have any questions feel free to ask.

Thank you for your reply. Obviously I really hope I am wrong and there isn't anything wrong but I also don't see any harm in pushing it if I feel there is a problem. Hopefully the nursery nurse will be able to pick up on it next week. If not I see her paediatrician again in June so I'll have to mention it then. My daughter took has to have structure and do things the same. Weird cause when we go to the park she will only go on the slide, she won't entertain anything else. If someone else is on the slide the meltdown she has is unreal. Thank you again. Your post has helped. Xxx


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## willow25

The way you have described your daughter is as if you were describing my daughter at that age, and she is autistic, but obviously at 17 months a lot can change. Whilst I think 17 months is probably too early to assess her, I feel very strongly about the importance of early diagnosis in children as early intervention has massively helped my daughter, and the diagnosis has helped with school, doctors etc. There is a boy in my daughters class who was turned away by a paediatrician at three, and now at five he has become a school refuser, and is incredibly challenging at home and his parents have zero support and are really struggling, and the reality here is that it will take up to two years for them to get a diagnosis, and many months/years to get an ehcp in place , so he will potentially miss up to four years of education.


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## VickyLou

willow25 said:


> The way you have described your daughter is as if you were describing my daughter at that age, and she is autistic, but obviously at 17 months a lot can change. Whilst I think 17 months is probably too early to assess her, I feel very strongly about the importance of early diagnosis in children as early intervention has massively helped my daughter, and the diagnosis has helped with school, doctors etc. There is a boy in my daughters class who was turned away by a paediatrician at three, and now at five he has become a school refuser, and is incredibly challenging at home and his parents have zero support and are really struggling, and the reality here is that it will take up to two years for them to get a diagnosis, and many months/years to get an ehcp in place , so he will potentially miss up to four years of education.

Thank you for your reply huni. I just noticed under your picture, your daughters name is Gracie so is mine hehe. 
I understand at 17 months it is far to young to diagnose anything as they are changing everyday but I figure nothing else has been easy in her life so far so why not start pushing for things now Incase it takes a year or 2 to get anywhere. Plus everyone I have mentioned anything to so far has fobbed me off or give me the typical she's too young. I don't think you are ever to young to show traits of things. As I have said in my original I would rather push and push now Incase there is something wrong so it doesn't hinder her on other development than wait years to find out there is a problem so it will take even longer to sort. Like you mentioned with the little boy in your daughters class. Xx


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## willow25

VickyLou said:


> willow25 said:
> 
> 
> The way you have described your daughter is as if you were describing my daughter at that age, and she is autistic, but obviously at 17 months a lot can change. Whilst I think 17 months is probably too early to assess her, I feel very strongly about the importance of early diagnosis in children as early intervention has massively helped my daughter, and the diagnosis has helped with school, doctors etc. There is a boy in my daughters class who was turned away by a paediatrician at three, and now at five he has become a school refuser, and is incredibly challenging at home and his parents have zero support and are really struggling, and the reality here is that it will take up to two years for them to get a diagnosis, and many months/years to get an ehcp in place , so he will potentially miss up to four years of education.
> 
> Thank you for your reply huni. I just noticed under your picture, your daughters name is Gracie so is mine hehe.
> I understand at 17 months it is far to young to diagnose anything as they are changing everyday but I figure nothing else has been easy in her life so far so why not start pushing for things now Incase it takes a year or 2 to get anywhere. Plus everyone I have mentioned anything to so far has fobbed me off or give me the typical she's too young. I don't think you are ever to young to show traits of things. As I have said in my original I would rather push and push now Incase there is something wrong so it doesn't hinder her on other development than wait years to find out there is a problem so it will take even longer to sort. Like you mentioned with the little boy in your daughters class. XxClick to expand...


Good for you to be so proactive for your little Gracie, you sound like a great mum, and with such a positive attitude your daughter is off to a great start whether she is autistic or not, and although every child on the spectrum is different, my daughter is much easier to look after than when she was a baby/toddler so keep positive. 

I would keep a diary of all the behaviours/development areas you have concerns with - I have a terrible memory through lack of sleep lol and can never remember everything when meeting the paediatrician. 

And there are some really nice support groups on Facebook


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## VickyLou

willow25 said:


> VickyLou said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> willow25 said:
> 
> 
> The way you have described your daughter is as if you were describing my daughter at that age, and she is autistic, but obviously at 17 months a lot can change. Whilst I think 17 months is probably too early to assess her, I feel very strongly about the importance of early diagnosis in children as early intervention has massively helped my daughter, and the diagnosis has helped with school, doctors etc. There is a boy in my daughters class who was turned away by a paediatrician at three, and now at five he has become a school refuser, and is incredibly challenging at home and his parents have zero support and are really struggling, and the reality here is that it will take up to two years for them to get a diagnosis, and many months/years to get an ehcp in place , so he will potentially miss up to four years of education.
> 
> Thank you for your reply huni. I just noticed under your picture, your daughters name is Gracie so is mine hehe.
> I understand at 17 months it is far to young to diagnose anything as they are changing everyday but I figure nothing else has been easy in her life so far so why not start pushing for things now Incase it takes a year or 2 to get anywhere. Plus everyone I have mentioned anything to so far has fobbed me off or give me the typical she's too young. I don't think you are ever to young to show traits of things. As I have said in my original I would rather push and push now Incase there is something wrong so it doesn't hinder her on other development than wait years to find out there is a problem so it will take even longer to sort. Like you mentioned with the little boy in your daughters class. XxClick to expand...
> 
> 
> Good for you to be so proactive for your little Gracie, you sound like a great mum, and with such a positive attitude your daughter is off to a great start whether she is autistic or not, and although every child on the spectrum is different, my daughter is much easier to look after than when she was a baby/toddler so keep positive.
> 
> I would keep a diary of all the behaviours/development areas you have concerns with - I have a terrible memory through lack of sleep lol and can never remember everything when meeting the paediatrician.
> 
> And there are some really nice support groups on FacebookClick to expand...

Awwww thank you huni. 

I keep meaning to make a dairy of things she does but it slips my mind by the time I get her into bed and finish cleaning up. I just want to relax. I really should start though. I have a few videos on my phone so I can show the paediatrician next time we see her as I figure seeing things for your self is a lot better than what I write in a book. 

I'm glad your little girl is easier to handle now she isn't a baby/toddler. Xx


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## smurff

Hi, I agree with others on hear that 17mths is early to label a child as they can grow out of so many things, some of the things you describe my daughter did and she is possibly Autistic (waiting for the test) but some things you describe my son does and he isn't Autistic, I completely understand your worries and one thing I will say is if you think something is wrong or just not right go with your feeling, your her mum and you know her better than anyone. I knew from about 14mths something just wasn't right with my daughter, couldn't say what it was but I just knew there was something. I pushed and pushed to get her seen to and it was a long hard struggle and it was only for the fact that we moved and she got a new hv that things finally started getting sorted with her. Good luck x


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## VickyLou

smurff said:


> Hi, I agree with others on hear that 17mths is early to label a child as they can grow out of so many things, some of the things you describe my daughter did and she is possibly Autistic (waiting for the test) but some things you describe my son does and he isn't Autistic, I completely understand your worries and one thing I will say is if you think something is wrong or just not right go with your feeling, your her mum and you know her better than anyone. I knew from about 14mths something just wasn't right with my daughter, couldn't say what it was but I just knew there was something. I pushed and pushed to get her seen to and it was a long hard struggle and it was only for the fact that we moved and she got a new hv that things finally started getting sorted with her. Good luck x

Thank you. As I have stated several times I totally agree that 17 months is fair to early to get a diagnoses for anything as they are changing all the time. I guess you just have to know her and see her to see that there might be a problem. I am not saying there defiantly is but there is a big possibility. She could totally surprise me and totally change again in a few weeks but I just can't shift this niggle. It's the same niggle I had when she was born. I knew there was something wrong with her but doctors and health visitors told me I'm a first time mum and worrying over nothing. It's just colic!!! Grrrrrr it took 4 months of constant trips to the doctors, visits with the health visitor and many trips to A&E plus I payed £200 for a private doctor to look at her. She was then diagnosed with severe acid reflux, eczema, and cows milk protein allergy plus other allergy. So I wasn't a first time mum that was worrying over nothing. My daughter would scream for hours sometimes days on end with out a break but know one believed me. So I feel like I can't just let this lie, I can't be fobbed off this time just Incase there is something wrong. :(


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## VickyLou

Ooops sorry for that rant there. I didn't mean to go off on one. I appreciate it is difficult for anyone to understand properly unless they know her or spend some time in her company to observe her. Xx


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## willow25

Try doing the m-chat online test - it's a screening tool for 16 to 30 months, my daughter scored highly at 18 months


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## smurff

VickyLou said:


> Ooops sorry for that rant there. I didn't mean to go off on one. I appreciate it is difficult for anyone to understand properly unless they know her or spend some time in her company to observe her. Xx

I totally understand how frustrating this is, when you know there's something but no one will listen. My husband thought I was being irrational when I kept worrying about daughter. Of course you don't want to label your daughter but by getting her help early on if she needs it is helping her in the long run. I know there is a roughly a 2yr age gap between my dd and yours but I wish we we're listened to sooner as the process of getting my dd diagnosis for autism getting her funding and arranging schools and extra help is something that can take a year or so, I'm having to rush everything in the space of 4mths. Don't be fobbed off by anyone, as I said your her mum and you know her best of all. You keep pushing, it only takes one person to listen. Can you not get a new hv if your not being listened to, I went through 4 hv, 3 peadeatritions and numerous therapist before I got what I wanted. I was told that as I was a new mum I didn't understand how quick they changed. I even over exaggerated some of her symptoms just to get help. When we moved we obviously had new hv, when she came to first visit my daughter within the hour she knew something wasn't right, and I was booked in for hearing test development test peadeatrition app and speech therapist. As I said it just takes o e person to listen. Don't give up trying it will be worth it in the end x


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## VickyLou

willow25 said:


> Try doing the m-chat online test - it's a screening tool for 16 to 30 months, my daughter scored highly at 18 months

I have done this and it states I need to see a doctor as its picking up some red flags. Xx


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## VickyLou

smurff said:


> VickyLou said:
> 
> 
> Ooops sorry for that rant there. I didn't mean to go off on one. I appreciate it is difficult for anyone to understand properly unless they know her or spend some time in her company to observe her. Xx
> 
> I totally understand how frustrating this is, when you know there's something but no one will listen. My husband thought I was being irrational when I kept worrying about daughter. Of course you don't want to label your daughter but by getting her help early on if she needs it is helping her in the long run. I know there is a roughly a 2yr age gap between my dd and yours but I wish we we're listened to sooner as the process of getting my dd diagnosis for autism getting her funding and arranging schools and extra help is something that can take a year or so, I'm having to rush everything in the space of 4mths. Don't be fobbed off by anyone, as I said your her mum and you know her best of all. You keep pushing, it only takes one person to listen. Can you not get a new hv if your not being listened to, I went through 4 hv, 3 peadeatritions and numerous therapist before I got what I wanted. I was told that as I was a new mum I didn't understand how quick they changed. I even over exaggerated some of her symptoms just to get help. When we moved we obviously had new hv, when she came to first visit my daughter within the hour she knew something wasn't right, and I was booked in for hearing test development test peadeatrition app and speech therapist. As I said it just takes o e person to listen. Don't give up trying it will be worth it in the end xClick to expand...

The strange thing is my original health visitor was brilliant but she recently left. I saw the new one just as my daughter was turning 12 months, she picked up on the lack of speech then but I wasn't worried cause she was just 12 months. The HV said she oils expect her to have 3 words by that age but my girl didn't. Well she did but had stopped using them. I haven't seen her since, I had a call with a different one on the phone who just kept telling me to look online and mother and toddler groups in the end she gave in and referred to a nursery nurse. I don't no if she will be able to help, we will find out this Wednesday. Thank you for your reply huni. I appreciate it very much. Xx


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## smileyfaces

A lot can change at that age but trust your gut instinct.

To those who say its wrong to label a child at that age...my son first started on the diagnosis pathway at age 18 months and had a diagnosis by 2yrs and 6 months. It was absolutely 100% the best thing to do to "label" him. He was able to get so much help and support and still does. If we had waited till he was older he would now be at school without his 1:1, without his EHC plan and feeling completely lost and out of his depth! 

OP, follow your gut. Even if its wrong. Early intervention is very important IMO!


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## mummy3

Not sure how helpful this is since its a few months old but your daughter sounds exactly like my youngest. She's been with early intervention from the time she came out of NICU so well over a year now and speech is a not happening so far, no words, no babble past 'Ahhh' and occasionally a 'bababa' so we've been working on signs and getting some minor success that's slow and steady. Might be something for you to look into too as well as at least pressing strongly for speech therapy at least. She is very young, try and focus on the now and push for help and advice in the areas you are seeing potential issues. I hope you are getting somewhere now x


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