# Omfg. I got an email from fob!!!



## lauram_92

_Laura, 

I know it is long overdue but I think we should sort things out once and for all. 
If the baby really is mine then I would like to sort things out but I still do not want to be part of his life. I realise that this should have been sorted more than a year ago now but I am hoping we can come to an agreement soon, so we can both move on in our lives. If he is mine then we need to come to a compromise to sort everything out. I have been happy with the way things have been, we have both got on with our lives but i would like to know from you that you are as well. If you are unhappy with the way things are just now, then with your permission we'll need to look at getting a paternity test done. 


I hope that we can come to an arrangment that is best for all of us._



I haven't spoke to him since I was 12 weeks pregnant.. What do I do? :(


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## LetsDoIt

what does he want to sort out, he doesnt want tobe in the kids life at all so...? Child support?? 

Sorry youre going through this. Men suck sometimes huh? :(


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## cabbagebaby

i think you should get the paternity test done show him he is that dad you've been there everyday for 6 months its about time he starts getting involved and growing up and sorting his shit out he has a son and if he didnt want a baby he should of stuck a sock on it lool he's missed out 6 months off his life and over a year on support emotionally for you start getting him to pay child matenice (sp) hope you get it sorted :hugs:


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## lauram_92

But why email me if he wants no contact? :( This was sent on the 20th. I'm so upset. I just want to cry. I don't want my son to not have a Dad, but I don't want all the shit that comes with it :cry:


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## emmylou92

get the test done and get some money out of the bugger and with a test if he refuses to give you child support you can take him through csa. 

good luck girl, i know its been hard for you doing all this on your own...but there's a chance here that you can get some financial support :) hope it goes well and that you get things sorted. judging by the e-mail sounds like he could be prepaired to support oliver financialy :hugs: xxx


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## aliss

He's happy to get on with his life and now wants a paternity test?

Methinks... there is some woman (new GF or maybe his mother) who pushed him to send that email :( Because obviously he was happy to not give a shit for the last year.


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## lauram_92

He has a new girlfriend, but he has been with her over a year. He now lives abroad.

EDIT - his mum in the first place said they didn't want contact by phoning my house phone and telling my mum.


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## Croc-O-Dile

I say blow the fucker off! If he wanted to wait a year to contact you then I think there's something malicious about him contacting you now. He doesn't want anything to do with his son, yet wants to "sort things out"? Nobody throws themselves under the CSA bus without there being a reason. kwim?


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## QuintinsMommy

I don't understand what he wants?


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## x__amour

Ah, oh dear. Laura. I don't know what he means by, I'm sorry. :nope: :hugs:


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## lauram_92

I don't know what to do :cry:


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## 112110

Do you want him to be a part of his life?


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## emmylou92

Gahh me moved abroad...little bugger, cant deal him with the csa card now it dont think i dont believe they can do anything now he doesn't live in uk. what to talk hun...i'm always here xxx :hugs: xxx


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## Desi's_lost

He's been with another girl for over a year and he suddenly wants to sort things out but no contact....makes me think that once the paternity is done he'd try and take him off you. he's just saying he wants nothing to do to sound non-threatening. I agree with Ally, blow him off. Its not worth it. It'll only make life for you harder and could have more of a negative effect than positive on your son.


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## Strawberrymum

I don't know what that means I guess maybe you should ask what sort it out means :hugs:


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## lauram_92

It doesn't bloody make sense! If he is happy with the way things are now, then why is he bringing this up? I _think_ he wants me to say I don't want his money, or anything to do with him so that he doesn't have to feel guilty. I mean Oliver is 6 months now, I told him when he was born and he didn't even reply. :shrug:


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## aliss

Maybe send him an email back and just ask bluntly... If you are fine the way things were, why are you only now trying to get involved long after he is born? What is the specific reason - what has changed?


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## lauram_92

I don't want to end up starting an argument. :shrug: I just want whats best for Oliver. But it just seems like there is something he isn't telling me. Why is he doing this?

I think he just wants to get on with his life. I think he wants me to tell him I don't want his money, then he won't feel guilty because he offered it.


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## clairealfie

I would just ask him? 

He might want to give you some money (do you need it?) 
He might want to stop himself feeling guilty
He might be thinking about seeing his son but isn't sure
He's just sick of not knowing for sure

Who knows why unless you ask. 

If you don't need the money then possibly just ignore him but if Oliver asks in a few years time be prepared to tell him you ignored his contact.


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## lauram_92

I don't NEED his money.. But it would make things easier iykwim? His family is loaded, 6 bedroom, 3 bathroom house.. My family is just average, but money isn't everything. It may seem selfish but I would feel wrong using his money.

I just want to know what he really wants. Why would he offer to give his money for a baby he has nothing to do with? I think it is guilt. Or he just wants to be able to live knowing I am not going to suddenly contact him expecting money.

I don't want Oliver to hate me for possibly ruining his chance to know his father :nope:


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## abbSTAR

If I were you Hun, get the test done because further down the line having proof he IS the real dad could help you out if something happens etc... Plus you may not NEED the money but it will make things a damn sight easier. Keep him out of his life but have his money I say :haha: it's not fare for you to pay everything for a child that's also his :hugs:


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## GypsyDancer

Hmm that is very odd..i think i read it as he wants to sort things out..as in..discuss that you are happy with your life and happy with your son so like others have said..he doesnt have to feel guilty, he can move on and say well she's fine..she didnt want me involved ect without having a guilty conscience..men are stupid sometimes and think things are so simple. I hope once he grows up he realises what he lost. I think i would email him to ask him what he wants exactly? Then i would look into claiming rights (csa) and if you can get anytihng if he's abroad..is not..then i wouldnt bother contacting him..i would also clarify that he doesnt want to know his son so that when your little boy is older..if he blames you..you can show him evidence..when he's old enough! Wouldnt want to upset him! x


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## lauram_92

I replied saying 'What is it you want to sort out?'. I wish you could pick who the father of your baby was :cry:


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## AirForceWife7

:hugs: I have no idea what he wants to "sort out" if he wants nothing to do with his son? Hmmm ... I agree with Ally, he wanted nothing to do with you or Oliver & now he all of a sudden decided to contact you? Seems fishy to me. I wish you the best of luck & keep us up to date on what's going on :hugs:


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## lauram_92

He probably just wants closure. To know that he 'tried'. I think if you get child support it comes off your benefits so I don't think I would be better off moneywise. :shrug:

I know it is going to end in disaster. I know he doesn't want anything to do with Oliver. I don't think he wants to pay anything either. Just probably is offering so I can't use it to bite him in the ass a few years down the line.


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## AirForceWife7

It floors me that he doesn't want to be a part of his child's life. How can you do that to an innocent child? You made him, he's yours, you're a PART of him! I swear sometimes people just think that a child is like a dog or a cat . It doesn't work that way! He really needs to step up & at least provide some half-assed financial support for Oliver .. he owes it to you & him for not being there! He will never get that time back & when Oliver is grown up & doing well one day, he's reaalllllyy gonna regret every choice he's made leading up to this point. (Not that he shouldn't already think that) I really hope everything works out & that he at least helps you out a little financially :flower:


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## x__amour

Keep us updated and keep strong Laura. :hugs:


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## lauram_92

I don't know how some people can just pretend that their child isn't part of their life.. :shrug: Ugh. I don't even know what I want from him.


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## LovingYou

Oh man he's confusing! I don't undersand why he would want a paternity test if he "still wants no contact with the baby" that doesn't make sense?

I say ignore him!! Your MUCH better off without him. And you and your LO don't need him around, obviously


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## lucy_x

Croc-O-Dile said:


> I say blow the fucker off! If he wanted to wait a year to contact you then I think there's something malicious about him contacting you now. He doesn't want anything to do with his son, yet wants to "sort things out"? Nobody throws themselves under the CSA bus without there being a reason. kwim?

Agreed. Ignore him..
Depends what the child support is worth to you, Personally to me a bit of cash which probably isnt a hell of a lot physically, isnt going to do you any good in the long term mentally.

:flower:


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## EmziixBo0o

lauram_92 said:


> I replied saying 'What is it you want to sort out?'. I wish you could pick who the father of your baby was :cry:

Wish it was that simple hun :( !! men are idiots, i think the reply you sent was good, hopefully get some answers!

please keep us updated !!
+ im so sorry that hes such a nob! 

you know where i am :flower:


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## lauram_92

I just want to know what he really wants. :shrug:


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## Leah_xx

:hugs:


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## bbyno1

That is tricky. To me it doesn't even sound like he knows what he wants himself? I think he may be feeling a little guilt and just needs to know that everything is fine and going well with you and your LO.Also i just think doing the test would just be to put his mind at rest..Sounds like after all that though he doesn't want nothing to do with it:(Thats so sad. Im sorry:hugs:


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## Mei190

I don't even understand his message either. I think your reply is sufficient though, acknowledging that he has 'contacted' you. Who knows what he wants though. It seems like he just doesn't want to feel guilty about things. 

Hope everything works out okay xxx


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## faolan5109

If he is at least willing to pay then take it. Reguardless if you don't Need it its for Oliver. And if he has done nothing else at least there is that. Not to mention maybe if he starts paying, he will start to want to maybe know him. I know that's a long shit or so it seems but Thats the reason I never went after Lane's bio dad for money.

Keep us updated and best of luck


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## wishuwerehere

That email sounds to me like he doesn't really believe your baby is his, or he's determined to believr that, because i can't see any other reason why he'd want a paternity test to 'sort things out' when he doesn't wNt contact :shrug:
I'd go with it, if he pays, and prove to him you're right!


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## emz_x

lauram_92 said:


> He probably just wants closure. To know that he 'tried'. I think if you get child support it comes off your benefits so I don't think I would be better off moneywise. :shrug:
> 
> I know it is going to end in disaster. I know he doesn't want anything to do with Oliver. I don't think he wants to pay anything either. Just probably is offering so I can't use it to bite him in the ass a few years down the line.

Child support is one of the few things that don't affect benefits :) You'd definitely be better off getting it, and if he isn't going to support your son emotionally, then at least he should contribute financially.


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## almostXmagic

it kind of sounds to me like he is feeling a little guilty about leaving you while pregnant and/or if the baby is actually his or not and wants to put his minds at ease that you are ok and know for sure that he is the dad. maybe you should just go ahead and get the paternity test, sort out some child support (he at-least owes your son and you that), and then at least that way if he does ever decide to man up and meet his son then there is the possibility for that.


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## divershona

lauram_92 said:


> I replied saying 'What is it you want to sort out?'. I wish you could pick who the father of your baby was :cry:

i wish you could too, but way i think of it, our LO's would be totally different people if their bio dad's were different



lauram_92 said:


> He probably just wants closure. To know that he 'tried'. I think if you get child support it comes off your benefits so I don't think I would be better off moneywise. :shrug:
> 
> I know it is going to end in disaster. I know he doesn't want anything to do with Oliver. I don't think he wants to pay anything either. Just probably is offering so I can't use it to bite him in the ass a few years down the line.

Child maintenence doesn't affect your benefits anymore which is brilliant :) its the reason why i didn't go for it at first from FOB but now i have, and although i don't NEED the money its definately a bonus to have the money going into a bank account for Kaya that way if there is a trip or something she wants to go on in the future then i'll be able to pay for it for her.



lauram_92 said:


> *I don't know how some people can just pretend that their child isn't part of their life*.. :shrug: Ugh. I don't even know what I want from him.

i wish i knew how people could do that too, some people are clearly just a waste of space.

I gave FOB 6 months to start paying towards Kaya before phoning CSA he didn't start paying up so i called them and they have sorted it out for me :happydance: I've now told him that he has to see kaya regularly (once every 2 months) or he will loose all contact with her (i spoke to CSA about this and they said that its my decision if he is in her life or not as obviously they are looking out for the best interest of the child) he now has to see her in september, and be there for her first birthday or he looses contact with her and he knows that... just got to wait and see whether it happens or not now!


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## lauram_92

Hopefully he will get his ass into gear Shona!

What annoys me the most is people constantly talking about him, referring to him as Oliver's father or dad. Just a few minutes ago my Mum said 'Oh you really look like your father when you are grumpy' to Oliver. So I assumed she meant my Dad, as in he looked like his Granda. So I said 'Who does he look like?' and she said FOB's name. I'm like HE IS NOT HIS BLOODY FATHER! He does not deserve to be called that. He is nothing to me, and he is nothing to Oliver. :growlmad:


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