# Stupid things you said during labour...



## Dani&Layla_x

When you hold your baby for the first time, it's a very surreal moment as I'm sure we all know. My words were, when she was placed under my nighty, "Babe, look what we made..." Which I think were very nice first words for her to hear... however, due to gas and air, I kinda chatted shit while I was in labour. 

When she was crowning, I asked the midwife if she had hair. I'm the only one with dark hair in my family so I presumed she'd be bald/blonde, but the midwife said she had lots of dark hair. Confused, and high as a kite, i said, "Are you sure thats not me? I haven't shaved in a while!" which the midwife found hilarious by the way.

Please tell me I'm not alone in saying stupid things due to drugs!


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## lleigh

I told the midwife I was asleep when the baby was conceived and when she was born as said "ah we have a boy" have no idea what I was looking at!!!!


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## Dragonfly

Iwas convinced I was going to die. Drugs failed to work not even gas :(


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## rockys-mumma

When he was born, i said....


*thank f*ck for that!!!! *:rofl: :blush:


What a choice of words! Lovely first words for him to hear there :haha:


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## Hotbump

I was asleep during the labor and when he was born. Drugs just have that hard affect on me i didnt even know that i had my baby because i was asleep and there werent nurses in my room he just came out with out warning.lol. But once the very suprised and scared nurses and midwife came running and cut the cord he was placed on my chest and i told my oh "look look he has blonde eyebrows" and my oh just said i know love and i said no look he has blonde eyebrows but why if we dont have any blondes in the family.lol. I was soo concern about his blonde eyebrows which werent really blonde it was just the drugs talking.lol. After i said that about the eyebrows i fell back to sleep.lol.


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## Ezza

I didnt beleive the MWs when they said i was in labour and 10cm dialated, I said "your lying, i dont beleive you im not having a baby" LOL> Then my OH brought over the little wrist and ankle band wich had been filled out and i burt into tears. When he was placed onto my chest i couldnt stop saying "omg its a baby, omg.... " haha :) 
But Dani.. LOL haha x


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## Stevensmummyx

:laugh2: HAHA these made me laugh lmao! i think the only thing i was saying is that iw as hungry for a mcdonalds lol :S and that i couldnt do it so we would have to stop :laugh2: however my mum and OH said a few things 

MUM as stevens head was coming out: OMG look its got ears!

lol well i should hope so mum lol! 

OH was watching stevens crown but was disgusted and said ew and moved to the top so he couldnt see lol think if i had the energy i would have lamped him lol x


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## QuintinsMommy

When I was labour I said this , after epi and morphine and no sleep lol 
*Me* : I need to go to the bathroom, number 2 
*Nurse #1* : no you don't your okay
later on 
*Me:* I really need to go poo
*nurse #2 :* its okay, you won't poo (or something like that)
*me :* can you get my mom?
mom comes in
*me:* Mom I need to poo and no one will believe me!! :cry:cry:
*mom :* no you don't you just have to start pushing soon 

and when he was born I was like 
* I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM !! I LOVE HIM!!  *
my mom was like we know you do but you dont have to yell
:rofl:
i was just feeling overwhelmed


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## Dragonfly

before the labour they let me try the gas as I was being examined. I was giggling going up the hall with my other half in a high pitched voice squeaking that I was so stoned! then I took a whitey and was near sick.


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## Natasha2605

When they put her onto me I just said ''Oh babe, look! A baby'' about 10 times.'' An actual baby''.

I gave birth of a bean bag like thing in the room I was in and afterwards I kept saying '' I'm so sorry, I'll clean it up myself in a minute'' . Haha xx


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## Jellyt

When I was on gas and air I was so out of it I could hear dance music in my head. I kept telling the midwife she had to come and listen with me and that I was having a rave.


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## QuintinsMommy

^ :rofl:


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## lizardbreath

after I was given my drugs my sister and me were talking and I said to her I havent had a contraction in so long. She was like Stef according to those numbers your having a Huge one right now. After she was born and I found out she was a girl my responce to OH was See I told you it was a girl I'm not Dumb.


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## xx~Lor~xx

:rofl: ahh girls, you've just had me in stitches :rofl: 

I didn't have any crazyness! Not that I can remember anyway... I'm boring, clearly :haha:

xoxox


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## leoniebabey

Omg, i hope i can open my eyes when he's here i wanna see his face (i was soo high i couldnt open my eyes!)

I feel like im weeing myself, im pretty sure im not though

I reaaaly need a poo, midwife - no you dont theres nothing there its just the baby 
me - are you sure cause this really feels like a poo 

apart from that i mostly just said JESUS JESUS OH MY GODDDDDDD, i sounded like a out of control nun ! 

and OH said, are you ok to which i replied .. yeah im fine im just having a little whinge


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## aob1013

Called the midwife a twat :dohh:


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## rubixcyoob.

Oh dear lord where do I start?

When I first got induced I couldn't feel any contractions and when they got to a small level of pain I tried the gas and air for the hell of it, getting high off that I decided to tell my OH a few things - 

1. Next time we'd be seahorses so he could give birth.
2. I kept saying "star wars" over and over until someone realised I meant it sounded like Darth Vadar at which point I tried to talk through the mouthpiece
3. I kept asking for a chinese as the pain wasn't sore lol.

I also started not to care about flashing my bum to everyone through my hospital gown as I was going to the loo multiple times.
I also needed a poo and no one believed me but I went anyways and low and behold I managed one at which point the gas in my system made me announce this to the room lol.

As the pain started getting worse my epi didn't work. I needed it injected 4 times because ot was faulty!
In the throws of pain I said I wanted to go home because I could just adopt now, and kept screaming at people to just take my LO out me now :rofl:
THen when the epi finally kicked in after the 4th installment I fell straight asleep, woke up, scooted over on the bed to my OH and offered him some pillow for his head before sleeping on it lol.


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## xx~Lor~xx

rubixcyoob. said:


> I also started not to care about flashing my bum to everyone through my hospital gown as I was going to the loo multiple times.
> I also needed a poo and no one believed me but *I went anyways and low and behold I managed one at which point the gas in my system made me announce this to the room lol.*

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: 

xoxox


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## Croc-O-Dile

I had a lot, as I had morphine AND an epidural. My two best friends, Jess and Kt were in the room with me, along with my mom. These are just a few:
*Jess*: Aw, that one wasn't so big. (speaking about my crippling contraction before I had the morphine)
*Me*: SHUT THE HELL UP!

When the pulse-OX reader fell of my toe, in a completely serious voice I said, "Oh no! It fell off my toe again. Hurry up, someone put it back on before they think I'm dead."

*Me:*(at 10cm) Mom, call the nurse in here, I have to pee.
*Nurse:* You don't need to pee, you need to push.
*Me:* I know, I need to push my pee out!
While pushing
*Me:* I'm gonna pee!
*Midwife:* No you won't. And if you do, it's okay, we'll clean it up.
*Me:* But I'll pee on her head!

Completely straight-faced while pushing
*Nurse:* You need to push
*Me:* I am
*Nurse:* But you're not making any faces
*Me:* Because everybody told me those were the wrong muscles!

And my personal favorite
While my feet are up at my face, in between pushes, "You know, I really wish I had painted my toenails. They're gross."

After they got her all cleaned up and they handed her back to me I kept telling everybody how I couldn't believe she was white. And that I was an amoeba and reproduced on my own. (Her father is a whole mix of things, but his skin tone is like chocolate. It didn't matter to me what she turned out looking like, but I spent my whole pregnancy thinking she was going to be a sweet little carmel baby. But instead I gave birth to Snow White. And she hasn't gotten any darker since then. So I was genuinely shocked. :haha:)


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## mommieoftwo

Abbey's birth was the worse because I was taking whatever I could get.

Me: Get me some whiskey now!
Lucas: You can't your having a baby
Me: I really don't care, whiskey now.
Midwife: At your age you shouldn't even know what whiskey tastes like
Me: Well at your age I hope i'm not so bloody rude

Later
Me: I can't wait for this baby to be out, I can make up for all the stuf I haven't been able to do.
Lucas: Like what?
Me: Drink for starters
Midwife: I should hope not if your planning to breastfeed
Me: Actually no, drink's how i ended up in this position in the first place.

With Lanie I didn't really say anything funny, it was an all natural birth


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## annawrigley

Ezza said:


> *I didnt beleive the MWs when they said i was in labour and 10cm dialated, I said "your lying, i dont beleive you im not having a baby" LOL>* Then my OH brought over the little wrist and ankle band wich had been filled out and i burt into tears. When he was placed onto my chest i couldnt stop saying "omg its a baby, omg.... " haha :)
> But Dani.. LOL haha x

me too! she told me i was 10cm the first time she examined me and i thought she was lying to try and 'encourage' me! and every time she said she could see the head i was like STOP LYING and she was like no honestly anna its right there!


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## Lauraxamy

The only thing I said was when the MW said to me 'Would you like to feel the head crowning' I replied with 'NO I JUST WANT IT OUT' :haha: my OH and Mum laughed and the midwife was like 'Ohh I know you do darling' :haha:
I also kept insisting my OH feed me water every 10mins cause my mouth was so dry, I was so out've from the gas and air he had to hold and tip the cut and everything lol
Not stupid or anything I said but...I'm completely needle phobic but when MW was doing putting in my needle and stuff I was completely oblivious to the fact she was doing it because of me being so high lol, she'd made a right mess too and there was blood pouring out've my hand, afterwards my OH was like 'WOW I was expecting you to kick off any second' :haha:


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## clogsy90

nothing really funny, but some of the hings i said was again as some other said need a poo and kept saying it over and over them insistung i needed to push refusing to then when i did and did a lil poo told them i was right needed to poo not push, then she said i can see the head shes got lots of hair i told her to grab her hair and just pull her out then when she was crowning i told her to push her back, other then that pretty much slept the rest of the time


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## leoniebabey

Lauraxamy said:


> The only thing I said was when the MW said to me 'Would you like to feel the head crowning' I replied with 'NO I JUST WANT IT OUT' :haha: my OH and Mum laughed and the midwife was like 'Ohh I know you do darling' :haha:
> I also kept insisting my OH feed me water every 10mins cause my mouth was so dry, I was so out've from the gas and air he had to hold and tip the cut and everything lol
> Not stupid or anything I said but...I'm completely needle phobic but when MW was doing putting in my needle and stuff I was completely oblivious to the fact she was doing it because of me being so high lol, she'd made a right mess too and there was blood pouring out've my hand, afterwards my OH was like 'WOW I was expecting you to kick off any second' :haha:


i found THE BEST way to combat the too high to tip the glass, i'd been drinkin a capri sun and was like omg quick get that star off that and put it in the glass, it was great and i'd deffo make sure if theres a next time i have a straw!!


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## Lauraxamy

Thats a good idea, never thought of that one! I'll have to remember to pack straws in my hospital bag next time lol


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## rockys-mumma

Laura completly OT but your new avatar pic of Laila is toooo cute! I cant believe how much hair she has got, Alfie is pratically still bald lol xx


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## annawrigley

rockys-mumma said:


> Laura completly OT but your new avatar pic of Laila is toooo cute!

I was going to say the same :D


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## Lauraxamy

Aww thanks!


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## ~RedLily~

I was so boring I didn't speak during labour but I didn't have drugs and there was only the midwife there.


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## brandonsgirl

Lol this thread is so funny. I think the only thing I said was IM GOING TO POO ON YOU. I'm GOING TO POOH ON YOU RIGHT NOW. Lol I wasn't very nice


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## Sarah10

In labour my mum and bf were with me, but my dad come to pick my mum up + he was waiting in the waiting room while i was in labour (thank god!) i remember kept telling them 'dont let him in here with my legs open keep that door shut!' and when they were stitching me up i was just paranoid he was going to walk in!


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## Sarah10

Kirsty90 said:


> I was so boring I didn't speak during labour but I didn't have drugs and there was only the midwife there.

i didn't say all that much either! i hadn't slept for 4 days before so i was abit like a zombie especially when they gave me the epi, i was so chilled out lol[-(


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## Luke's_mummy

I told my oh that I could 'See in splitscreen' I'd been playing alot of xbox, especially Halo in the days before! 

I also told my mum, to fuck of, sit down and shut the fuck up! 

and made my OH lean over me, going, 'I need you to come here I have to bite you' and i was biting on his hoody!


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## Neferet

The weirdest thing I said was telling my mum, my grandmother and the midwife to stop looking at my fanny! :blush:

I went on and on about how I thought I was going to poo.

I had a thing going on where my mum would shove the gas and air thing in my mouth and my grandmother would squirt water into my mouth right after lol... I was too out of it to do it myself. I told my grandmother she was shit at water and my mum that she was shit at getting me stoned lol!

I also told my grandmother I was going to break her fucking hand whether she liked it or not. 

:blush:


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## lynne192

just before my son was born after 13days in labour i turned to the midwife and said "i have had enough i am going home to tired to deal with this" not only was i about to give birth but was also like 300miles away from home lol after he was born i wasn't tired anymore lol... he was born almost 2months premature never got to really see him before he was rushed away and once i did see him spent ages crying lol but while in labour i told my ex to tell his mum and sister to get out because they weren't at a zoo so better stop f-ing staring lol


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## lynne192

forgot to say never had anything during labour or birth, in early labour took 2 paracetimol thats all i had the whole 13days in labour lol


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## annawrigley

13 days? bloody hell you are a warrior!


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## lynne192

lol thanks was only left that long hoping james would grow more while i was in labour :D


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## annawrigley

well he seems to be thriving now so good job :winkwink: x


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## lynne192

he's 3+now but has alot of problems but i count my blessings he was and is a miracle and been TTC ever since he was born with no hope :cry:


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## JadeMillerxo

_i told my boyfriend i needed to poo a few times haha but most of my labour i was silent, n if someone tryed speaking to me i would just tell them to shut up, but when i got rushed off for my c section i was completely OUT of it and when she was born all i said was "f*ck this is weird" haha my poor girl_


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## faolan5109

When I was in labor I did not say anything funny really except because I was so drugged up on The KVO to make me sleep. I thought my ex was cousin it so I hit him.

After I had Little Man though I woke up in recorvery looked around and said "where am I and why cant I feel my feet?"


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## QuintinsMommy

lynne192 said:


> he's 3+now but has alot of problems but i count my blessings he was and is a miracle and been TTC ever since he was born with no hope :cry:

baby :dust:


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## Trying4ababy

This isn't about me obviously but is about my mom.


My mom had to have a c-section with me because I was breech. After they delivered me they had to do the normal cleaning me up, apgar score stuff.

My mom kept saying where's my baby? why won't they let me see my baby? who took my baby?


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## totallyashley

*Midwife:* You may need to get out of the pool Ashley if her heart doesn't stop dipping. It looks like we might have to sort out a c-section.
*Me:* Hahaha, you expect me to get out of this pool? Hahaha think AGAIN! The only way you will get me out of this pool is if you carry me out with a crane!
*FOB:* That could be arranged.
*Bottle of water sitting on the side flys his way*

Oh and I just remembered this!

*Midwife:* (for about the 10th time) Do you feel the urge to push yet? Do you feel like you need to poo?
*Me:* No...
*Midwife leaves the room*
*Me:* Mum, why does the midwife want me to poo so much? I am not going to show her. I would got to the toilet!
*FOB:* Hahahaha!
*water pillow on the side flys his way*


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## brandonsgirl

Lol that's funny. I was thinking if I have another baby I would want to try the birth pool. Did it help?


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## Adrienne

At one point, one of my nurses came in to ask me a question or something, and I was super nauseated. As soon as she got over to my bed and opened her mouth I yelled, "DON'T TALK TO ME. I'M TRYING TO FOCUS ON NOT THROWING UP." Or something along those lines :haha:. She immediately shut her mouth. 

According to FOB, I was just a total bitch during labor, :rofl: He said it was hilarious.


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## rainbows_x

When I was in labour I really needed to pee at opne point, so asked OH to come with me to help me through contractions and stuff, once I was peeing I announced I needed to fart, and for him not to laugh lol, I did and straight after we both laughed, then my waters broke, I looked up scared and said "I think my water just broke!" We burst out laughing again & then I started having a contraction, was a mixture of fear, funnyness & pain lol.

Once it came to pushing I announced "Oh no, I have the pooing thing, that means pushing, no I don't want to!"
Half way through pushing I announced I wasn't doing it anymore and they would have to suck her out or grab her hair :dohh:

I also swore a hell of a lot apologised for them having to look at my bits & screamed at OH for rubbing my back the wrong way lol.


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## totallyashley

brandonsgirl said:


> Lol that's funny. I was thinking if I have another baby I would want to try the birth pool. Did it help?

It helped so much! If I ever have anymore children I will be having them all water birth! Defo recommend it!


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## brandonsgirl

Oo that's good to know :) thanks.


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## BrEeZeY

i got an epidural and then laid on my side and i couldnt feel my legs so i hit them and said is this really me?? -OH laughed hysterically

i remember pointing at the screen and saying look im havin a contraction and laughing and saying haha and idc LMAO!


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## kirste1

i was convinced that i was going to pooo... i actually told my boyfriend to leave the room, i was so petrified of doing it .. :L 
but it never happened, thankgod!


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## campost006

i actually didnt say not 1 word through the whole thing. the pain wouldnt let me. lol


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## AnnabelsMummy

ahhh i can't even remember and nobody else can really either.. 
my labour was quite horrific.. and intense. 

but i did tell the midwife i could push for any longer or my head would explode, and i kept saying i really need a poo, and my mum was explaining it was the bubba.. (i didn't poo at all) and i kept asking if i would. 
xxxx


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## sweetmummy

wow i must of sed alot of shit while i was in labour..due too all da gas n air i was taking!
My man got it bad..i also threatend da midwife too lool, but when he came out i said the exact same thing as rockys mumma....THANK FUCK FOR THAT!...


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## samface182

i was totally out of it my whole labour. i barely remember anything.
but these are a few things i do..
i remember repeatedly saying to my OH and mum that i felt like i was on a rainbow :haha:

i kept calling the guy who gave me my epidural my best friend. everytime he came in the room to check me i would go.. 'there's my best friend' and wave at him.. he must of thought i was a freak! :rofl:

i got really sweaty and hot at one point, but i didn't have a face cloth in my hospital bag. i remember the MW saying to my mum 'there's sanitary pads in that cupboard that you could wet and wipe her head with! we use them for everything in here!' i just remember thinking i was tripping and kept thinking WTF?! but i was too out of it to object or say anything :rofl:

xx


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## Youngling

My whole labour is a blur really, i cant remeber anything specific
xx


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## Emma91

Apparently i sounded like a furby when i felt LOs head down there lmao :haha:


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