# 1st IVF cycle and feeling defeated



## caitlinsmom

Hi, I know I am not a regular poster and I haven't been on here much since we started with our RE in May. But I am feeling pretty defeated after our 1st round of IVF this month. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about how I am feeling (except DH). 

We have done 3 IUI's, all which failed. We are trying IVF only once and hoping it works. We did the ER on Dec 11th. 13 were retrieved, 5 fertilized (1 was abnormal) so we had 4 good embryos. We did the ET on Dec 14th (3dt) and transferred 2 embryos. One was a 6-cell and one was an 8-cell, both were Grade A's. 

I was feeling fine with the exception of the swollen ovaries and pain 4 days following the ER. Felt great on Monday (5dp3dt), then on Tuesday (6dp3dt) had cramps (on left side only), headache, nauseous and bloated. Yesterday (7dp3dt) was fine until last night and started having cramps again. Now today (8dp3dt) I am cramping again on the left side and had a tiny bit of spotting after wiping. Nothing since but I am really worried and scared that this did not work. We are only doing this once so I really want it to work and just feel completely defeated when I saw the spotting. I did take a test and it was negative, although I swear I could see the faintest of faint lines (probably all in my head because it's what I want to see). After looking at it again and again I really think it's negative and I am denial.

Please tell me we are not out and there is still hope.......


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## Dis3tnd

That could be implantation spotting! Don't worry, you're not out yet!! I know how difficult this can all be - I'm on my first and probably/ hopefully only IVF as well.


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## caitlinsmom

Thanks Dis3tnd....this is all so very hard. I am tired of these 2WW's. There has to be an easier way. I am usually okay for about 4-5 days after but then I start going crazy and thinking all kind of things.


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## Dis3tnd

I know how you feel. Its so disheartening when you think of all the people for whom babies come so easily, and cheaply!!

Its such a heartache and stress - I was really consumed by it in 2011. Hopefully 2012 will be a much better year!!

Its very hard to not stay positive, its very hard to not symptom spot - but we have to remember what we're doing this for!!


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## caitlinsmom

Our first was a clomid baby, after 1.5 year of trying. You always think its so easy but that just isn't the case with some. We thought this one would be easier since clomid worked the first time but after trying that again, nothing. I am really hoping for a late Christmas gift, we have our blood test on 12/28.


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## Mrs C P

Keep positive! Honestly, you never know until you do the test on 14dpt
I had two put back, they weren't great, 6 cells and "fair" so not good or great,then on 11dpt boobs stopped hurting and started spotting, thought it was all over and even had a glass of wine, then spotting stopped but boob tenderness didn't come back, then tested positive on 14dpt

The 2ww is just horrible, I totally hated it and never thought it would end in a bfp, I know it's not easy but try to keep busy to help pass the time. 

Good luck and I hope you get a bfp very soon

Xx


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## caitlinsmom

Thanks for your kind words Mrs C P. 

I feel like it's over now. I woke up early this morning because the cramping that was on my left side moved to the middle, exactly how it feels when I have AF cramps. Went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood but just a spot. Went back to bed woke up an hour later and there were clots coming out, I hadn't even gone to the bathroom yet it was like it was all just falling out of me (I know, TMI, sorry). Of course I balled my eyes out, I will be calling the RE nurse this morning to just let her know.


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## caitlinsmom

So both my RE nurse and RE doctor called me back and told me the same thing. To just wait until the test on Wednesday unless I am soaking a pad within an hour. I feel like the flow is picking up and scared I am going to have to call them back and tell them that I am.

I am getting - on HPT so I just wish I could know if this is the end so I can move on. It's so hard and with it being around the holidays now makes it even more difficult.


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## JennyLynn512

Sorry to hear you are going through this! I don't know much about IVF; as I'm just doing IUI right now, but I think you're doctor is right; just wait it out for the blood test and see what happens. What dpt is this for you? 9? That seems like an early period, doesn't it? Maybe I'm wrong! :blush: Anyway, keep your head up and try to stay positive (I know it's hard). Sending you lots of hugs :hugs: and baby dust :dust:!!!


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## caitlinsmom

Thanks JennyLynn512. I am not sure if its early or not? My last one was Nov 28th which is a few days after I stopped the BC he had me on. So I am right at 26 days. My cycle average is 26 days. Even after all the meds, etc can my body still be on track like this?? Just so dishearting because we cannot do another cycle. I guess the only hope that I am holding onto is the fact that I am not soaking a pad an hour :shrug: - maybe there is hope yet?

Now it's left up to nature to run it's course I guess :cry: - Nature wasn't very helpful in the past 2 years though *sigh*


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## caitlinsmom

Sorry, yes I am 9dp3dt


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## caitlinsmom

So tomorrow is my BETA and I am super nervous. I bled all day Friday and most of Saturday. Sunday was mostly spotting and then Monday and today, nothing. Is there still even a chance? I don't even want to take an HPT. I am starting to have weird twinges/cramping on my left side again; which is how all of it seemed to start last week on Tuesday. I don't know what to think :(


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## Chiles

GL, I hope you get your :bfp: :dust:


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## kazzab25

Oh good luck hun hope its your bfp x


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