# Back again - No judgement please.. :)



## nolansmom

I've previously posted here as I have a 6 year old from previous marriage. 

The story goes...

I met someone almost a year ago, got pregnant within 2 months --- arguing, debt, fulltime school, etc etc.. I had multiple "clinic" appointments booked and every time I thought I was O.K. with it, I changed my mind - 4-5 times. 

After more arguing and degrading comments on his end I went ahead with the clinic appointment (complete nightmare) at 17.5 weeks. 

For some reason, not sure if it was because I was so shaken and depressed after having gone through with it he and I started talking a week later. Suddenly he became "normal" again. He was kind and loving and considerate - not cruel and mean as he was while I was pregnant. 

That was November - we have been happy ever since. I have not "forgotten" about his cruel comments or what I went through/put myself though but we were managing. I finally got a period in January (first one) and it dragged on. Last Saturday I asked him to pick up a test (assuming it would be negative) and I could stop thinking about it. Nope - positive - 

I don't want to go through the whole longgggg story of everything that we went through last time around even though it's sorta relevant. 

I essentially wasn't happy with the idea that he wouldn't put a ring of some kind on my finger. Yes he said he loves me and yes he said he wants to have a life together BUT I want a proposal or a ring that says "I really mean it when I say I love you and want you to be my wife".. 

After the clinic appointment in November - Christmas and December rolled around and much to my surprise he presented me with a light blue tiffany's box.. In it were $2000 diamond earrings - :growlmad:

I cried and asked him to return them - if he had $2000 to spend on earring in Dec he has $2000 to spend on a ring prior to clinic appt. I felt insulted and used and made fun of.. Like he was saying "I could have but you don't deserve it".. 

So now, I told him there isn't much to talk about. In fact, he knows the deal already as I had an elective abortion at 17.5 weeks for one reason only - So he knows my expectation of him if we are to stay together. He said he had nothing to say and stared off in to space --I told him to enjoy spending time with other peoples kids but that I wouldn't be able to be with him in the future if I decide on another clinic appointment. We haven't spoken since. 

So now, I am on my own. Actually on my own w/o his ridiculous feelings on things and his unrealistic viewpoints. After what I went through the first time there is no loss that could compare to that. So I feel indifferent right now, I have a counselling appt booked for the 18th - I can't tell anyone I know about this as they will want to have me committed to a mental institution. I couldn't be more than a few weeks along as we only had sex TWICE in February - yep, TWICE. I've considered that since I am going to be 33 this is likely one of few chances I'll have to give my son a sibling and maybe have a little girl? I'm really not committed to either option and don't know when I will be.. :( My own fault - stupidity on my part..


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## Rags

Hi, I don't think I really have much I can say, your circumstances are very different from my own. It's a shame you don't feel that there is anyone you can speak to though, can you speak with a councillor not linked to the clinic first? Choosing to be a single parent is difficult if you don't know how much support you will get when lo is born. I wish you the best with whatever path you take.


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## ravenmel

I don't want to sound harsh but it's truth time.

You've been together a year right, maybe it's to soon for your boyfriend. He loves you but it's not sure he wants to spend his life with you. The first pregnancy was a shock to you both as you was on the pill. After two months of dating and you falling pregnant he was probably freaked out and wondering if you was trying to trap him (not that his right) or worried you don't know each other well enough. 
Now you're trying to force him in to marrying you, giving him ultimatums is gonna make him run as far away from you as possible wether you are pregnant or not. I know you're thinking don't make me a mother if you won't make me a wife. However it's your responsibility to not get pregnant too, as you know the pill doesn't work for you from previous experience. Or were you trying to get pregnant? Had you guys talked about trying for a baby?What's his views on the topic?

If you want to marry him, just talk to him about it and leave it alone. If he says it's not for him and you really want/need marriage then his not the guy for you. The earrings at christmas probably made him think you're ungrateful. Think about it from a man's point, he spent $2k on you and you threw it back in his face? ouch I wouldn't ask that woman to marry me, would you?


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## Unexpected212

Being together a year isn't long enough necessarily to get engaged.

I was with my partner 6 months when I got pregnant. We were engaged after 6 months. However cos he online flirted were now unengaged!! so getting engaged quickly isn't always a good thing.

I kind of feel like getting pregnant by accident once is one thing, but twice? were you trying to get pregnant?

My baby was a pill baby! But I wouldn't make that mistake again. It doesn't seem fair to get pregnant again and get rid of this one too. If your in your 30's and having sex then if you get pregnant you should be prepared for that.

HOWEVER it is your life and your decision. I'm not trying to be judgmental but it can be hard on a forum that is all about babies and stuff. A lot of us here are mums or people that desperatley want children. 

You know whats best for you. If I was him I'd also be upset you didn't appreciate his gift...maybe he's had enough of being pushed into marriage, and maybe he's questioning how you are pregnant again.

I am sorry you had to go through an abortion at 17.5 weeks. I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been.

Stay strong...I'm sorry I don't have more advice. I think in a short year you two have had so much drama/issues and pressure that this won't work out.

In regards to being a single parent...it might be nice for your child to have a sibling? And if you are a single parent to your son I'm sure you can do it again :)


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## TinkCee

Hi :)

first off i am sorry he becomes a jerk when youre pregnant. i wouldnt deal with that.
he put you through an ABORTION! at 17 weeks.. i seriously think he is the problem for leading you on.

i got pregnant less then 2 weeks into a new relationship. considering we knew each other months before but 2 WEEKS into our dating i was pregnant. i expected commitment. he got me pregnant and i blamed him for putting my life on hold. well he walked away. he didnt want anything to do with the baby or me. 
how hard is it for a guy to commit? well, its very hard for them.

i do understand that need for you to know that he is ready to be with you, it will be comfort for you. esp in a sensitve time like this. but theres no way a guy will be willing express his feelings without a little push. yea some women say that theres certain guys who will, but in all reality EVERY guy needs a slight push.

i hope you consider every option before making your mind up. 
dont let him influence you in any way. he walked away. let him. if he stayed around that would just confuse things. maybe he needs his space to think to. 
you have a child and a soon to be child to think about.. not to mention you have your own life. 

good luck =)


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## nolansmom

Yes it is likely too soon for him. It's not entirely ideal for me either. I just feel like if we are gonna have a child together we may as well make an honest attempt at it. As for the diamond earrings. He talked for 4 months about how he has so much debt etc etc - Living with his parents to pay it down, can't afford a child, cant afford a ring and then a month later - has 2k for earrings. Yes, I told him to take them back, I am not a 2k earring kinda woman and certainly not from someone so financially irresponsible that he was considering a bank loan to pay off his loans. It's typical male behaviour. It's not too soon to potentially move in together or spend time with my 6 year old or have me over for family gatherings - his portrayal of himself as a conservative man or old school beliefs etc is a sham.. Really - this isn't about him anymore - its about me doing what I need to for myself. He has made his choice clear.


ravenmel said:


> I don't want to sound harsh but it's truth time.
> 
> You've been together a year right, maybe it's to soon for your boyfriend. He loves you but it's not sure he wants to spend his life with you. The first pregnancy was a shock to you both as you was on the pill. After two months of dating and you falling pregnant he was probably freaked out and wondering if you was trying to trap him (not that his right) or worried you don't know each other well enough.
> Now you're trying to force him in to marrying you, giving him ultimatums is gonna make him run as far away from you as possible wether you are pregnant or not. I know you're thinking don't make me a mother if you won't make me a wife. However it's your responsibility to not get pregnant too, as you know the pill doesn't work for you from previous experience. Or were you trying to get pregnant? Had you guys talked about trying for a baby?What's his views on the topic?
> 
> If you want to marry him, just talk to him about it and leave it alone. If he says it's not for him and you really want/need marriage then his not the guy for you. The earrings at christmas probably made him think you're ungrateful. Think about it from a man's point, he spent $2k on you and you threw it back in his face? ouch I wouldn't ask that woman to marry me, would you?


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## nolansmom

Well I wasn't "trying" to get pregnant, we had sex twice in February - and apparently that was enough. The idea of him running away doesn't bother me, he is only showing his true character. I've not given an ultimatum, I've said goodbye to him. I told him I won't be able to stand the sight of his face if I'm put in the position I was before. I think if I were a man and in extreme debt and stupidly bought 2k errings I'd want to be with someone who isn' so materialistic as to keep them knowing I can't afford them. That's just me though.


ravenmel said:


> I don't want to sound harsh but it's truth time.
> 
> You've been together a year right, maybe it's to soon for your boyfriend. He loves you but it's not sure he wants to spend his life with you. The first pregnancy was a shock to you both as you was on the pill. After two months of dating and you falling pregnant he was probably freaked out and wondering if you was trying to trap him (not that his right) or worried you don't know each other well enough.
> Now you're trying to force him in to marrying you, giving him ultimatums is gonna make him run as far away from you as possible wether you are pregnant or not. I know you're thinking don't make me a mother if you won't make me a wife. However it's your responsibility to not get pregnant too, as you know the pill doesn't work for you from previous experience. Or were you trying to get pregnant? Had you guys talked about trying for a baby?What's his views on the topic?
> 
> If you want to marry him, just talk to him about it and leave it alone. If he says it's not for him and you really want/need marriage then his not the guy for you. The earrings at christmas probably made him think you're ungrateful. Think about it from a man's point, he spent $2k on you and you threw it back in his face? ouch I wouldn't ask that woman to marry me, would you?




Unexpected212 said:


> Being together a year isn't long enough necessarily to get engaged.
> 
> I was with my partner 6 months when I got pregnant. We were engaged after 6 months. However cos he online flirted were now unengaged!! so getting engaged quickly isn't always a good thing.
> 
> I kind of feel like getting pregnant by accident once is one thing, but twice? were you trying to get pregnant?
> 
> My baby was a pill baby! But I wouldn't make that mistake again. It doesn't seem fair to get pregnant again and get rid of this one too. If your in your 30's and having sex then if you get pregnant you should be prepared for that.
> 
> HOWEVER it is your life and your decision. I'm not trying to be judgmental but it can be hard on a forum that is all about babies and stuff. A lot of us here are mums or people that desperatley want children.
> 
> You know whats best for you. If I was him I'd also be upset you didn't appreciate his gift...maybe he's had enough of being pushed into marriage, and maybe he's questioning how you are pregnant again.
> 
> I am sorry you had to go through an abortion at 17.5 weeks. I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been.
> 
> Stay strong...I'm sorry I don't have more advice. I think in a short year you two have had so much drama/issues and pressure that this won't work out.
> 
> In regards to being a single parent...it might be nice for your child to have a sibling? And if you are a single parent to your son I'm sure you can do it again :)


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## Unexpected212

Thats more than fair enough. Like you say he clearly isn't the man you want or need in your life. 

I can understand the thinking that if your going to have a child together marriage isnt much more of a commitment than that. 

I'm sorry for what you've been through.


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## nolansmom

I guess I feel even more tricked now because of the many excuses over time. The thought of him with anything less than an engagement just isn't gonna cut it. I'm not moving in with him just for fun or having him come with me to appts or anything of the sort. I don't get it - i don't get ho a man can say I love you and you're the woman I want to be with forever - and not get his ass up to buy a ring. :)


TinkCee said:


> Hi :)
> 
> first off i am sorry he becomes a jerk when youre pregnant. i wouldnt deal with that.
> he put you through an ABORTION! at 17 weeks.. i seriously think he is the problem for leading you on.
> 
> i got pregnant less then 2 weeks into a new relationship. considering we knew each other months before but 2 WEEKS into our dating i was pregnant. i expected commitment. he got me pregnant and i blamed him for putting my life on hold. well he walked away. he didnt want anything to do with the baby or me.
> how hard is it for a guy to commit? well, its very hard for them.
> 
> i do understand that need for you to know that he is ready to be with you, it will be comfort for you. esp in a sensitve time like this. but theres no way a guy will be willing express his feelings without a little push. yea some women say that theres certain guys who will, but in all reality EVERY guy needs a slight push.
> 
> i hope you consider every option before making your mind up.
> dont let him influence you in any way. he walked away. let him. if he stayed around that would just confuse things. maybe he needs his space to think to.
> you have a child and a soon to be child to think about.. not to mention you have your own life.
> 
> good luck =)


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## TinkCee

Im with you on that..
My FOB is sort of the trickster. he says he wants a family, then the next week he says this happened all to fast. 
in my mind, you either want me or you dont. 
and there will be a commitment or not. either way i wont sit around wasting my time playing "Pretend family"
thats just not how i want my life. i want someone who will say what they feel, mean what they say and come through on their end. prove to me that they are ready for everything thats about to happen.

i get what you mean. you dont want to waste any time. im in agreement with that.




nolansmom said:


> I guess I feel even more tricked now because of the many excuses over time. The thought of him with anything less than an engagement just isn't gonna cut it. I'm not moving in with him just for fun or having him come with me to appts or anything of the sort. I don't get it - i don't get ho a man can say I love you and you're the woman I want to be with forever - and not get his ass up to buy a ring. :)
> 
> 
> TinkCee said:
> 
> 
> Hi :)
> 
> first off i am sorry he becomes a jerk when youre pregnant. i wouldnt deal with that.
> he put you through an ABORTION! at 17 weeks.. i seriously think he is the problem for leading you on.
> 
> i got pregnant less then 2 weeks into a new relationship. considering we knew each other months before but 2 WEEKS into our dating i was pregnant. i expected commitment. he got me pregnant and i blamed him for putting my life on hold. well he walked away. he didnt want anything to do with the baby or me.
> how hard is it for a guy to commit? well, its very hard for them.
> 
> i do understand that need for you to know that he is ready to be with you, it will be comfort for you. esp in a sensitve time like this. but theres no way a guy will be willing express his feelings without a little push. yea some women say that theres certain guys who will, but in all reality EVERY guy needs a slight push.
> 
> i hope you consider every option before making your mind up.
> dont let him influence you in any way. he walked away. let him. if he stayed around that would just confuse things. maybe he needs his space to think to.
> you have a child and a soon to be child to think about.. not to mention you have your own life.
> 
> good luck =)Click to expand...


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## chulie

I'm going to say something and I hope you can take some of what I say and really think about it. Clearly this man has some issues.....he sounds unstable in his life and is giving you the run around...but at the end of the day...he didn't "make" you have an abortion...you had one because you felt it was the right thing for the situation. He didn't drugs you and drag you in there...you went...and I'm in NO way judging you for that...that was YOUR choice to make and your choice to live with and I respect that right of every woman....but at some point your going to have to start taking responsibility for the choices YOU are making. You now have another life growing inside and wether he stays or goes...what you do with that baby is once again YOUR choice...yes...he has influence but your the mother and it's your body and if you are going to choose to sit around and wait for him to make YOUR life for you....your going to to be in for a long wait. 

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I was taught at a very young age that I am responsible for all my own actions...even if I got caught with kids doing something wrong in school...I would say to my parents " but why am I in trouble...I didnt DO anything!! It's not fair"...and my dad would say "Sorry...life isn't fair...you chose to hang around with those people who were up to no good...it was YOUR choice so don't blame anyone else for what YOU'VE decided"....let me tell you...that has stuck with me for a long time......whatever boyfriend I chose, however I did on a test, if I got a ticket...WHATEVER happened in my life...the truth is I had control over every decision I made....so I think I'm being a little "parental" but I'm doing so because I think you need to hear it....I NEVER wanted to and I would yell at my dad for being so mean...but as an adult, looking back...he was right...so I'm hoping you'll do the same....

You are a good person with a good heart whose made some wrong choices( by letting your boyfriend dictate how things go)......Stand up and decide what you want to do with YOUR life....you only get ONE!!! Good luck


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## nolansmom

YES!!! That's exactly it. The conversations about not knowing each other long enough or whatever - it's all smoke n mirrors designed to give him enough time to decide if I'm really "good enough" however I don't have that kind of time. And oddly enough at the end of it all it's me who is questioned about my decisions. I remember once last time around going to a canadian coffee chain and the manager knowing I was pregnant saying "in my country we give a pregnant woman what she wants".. She was from Guyana. So at that time I thought "wow, first time anyone has ever made me feel important in this whole thing".. I know it's not the same thing as a ring BUT if I've expressed my desire to at least have a ring on my finger - who is he to say that's silly or stupid or doesn't mean anything. It means a whole lot to me - it means he is putting his effort where his mouth is. He doesn't wanna do that. :) Ahh well - I am going to have appt on 18th and see about an anti-depressant of some kind as my hormones are way out of whack during pregnancy. Although I've never ever taken one before I feel like I'll need to just make a choice - also, I find he complicates things by being there but not really being there. I feel single and then not and then single again (last time) so maybe with him out altogether I can accept being single and pregnant and do everything for myself. 

Last time around I tried to buy some things and he told me not to because he can get them free from some place - or some family with baby clothes etc (I'm not in to that) it's too much work borrowing clothes people might want back.. So I found he confused me a lot and never cared a whole bunch about what I wanted. If I could just get over the idea of "how am I gonna afford this" I'd be ok.. :) I'm tryin' to work for the welfare system NOT go on it.. :)


TinkCee said:


> Im with you on that..
> My FOB is sort of the trickster. he says he wants a family, then the next week he says this happened all to fast.
> in my mind, you either want me or you dont.
> and there will be a commitment or not. either way i wont sit around wasting my time playing "Pretend family"
> thats just not how i want my life. i want someone who will say what they feel, mean what they say and come through on their end. prove to me that they are ready for everything thats about to happen.
> 
> i get what you mean. you dont want to waste any time. im in agreement with that.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nolansmom said:
> 
> 
> I guess I feel even more tricked now because of the many excuses over time. The thought of him with anything less than an engagement just isn't gonna cut it. I'm not moving in with him just for fun or having him come with me to appts or anything of the sort. I don't get it - i don't get ho a man can say I love you and you're the woman I want to be with forever - and not get his ass up to buy a ring. :)
> 
> 
> TinkCee said:
> 
> 
> Hi :)
> 
> first off i am sorry he becomes a jerk when youre pregnant. i wouldnt deal with that.
> he put you through an ABORTION! at 17 weeks.. i seriously think he is the problem for leading you on.
> 
> i got pregnant less then 2 weeks into a new relationship. considering we knew each other months before but 2 WEEKS into our dating i was pregnant. i expected commitment. he got me pregnant and i blamed him for putting my life on hold. well he walked away. he didnt want anything to do with the baby or me.
> how hard is it for a guy to commit? well, its very hard for them.
> 
> i do understand that need for you to know that he is ready to be with you, it will be comfort for you. esp in a sensitve time like this. but theres no way a guy will be willing express his feelings without a little push. yea some women say that theres certain guys who will, but in all reality EVERY guy needs a slight push.
> 
> i hope you consider every option before making your mind up.
> dont let him influence you in any way. he walked away. let him. if he stayed around that would just confuse things. maybe he needs his space to think to.
> you have a child and a soon to be child to think about.. not to mention you have your own life.
> 
> good luck =)
> 
> Click to expand...Click to expand...


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## TinkCee

Sounds like you hit a point.
Give it time and thoughts, leave him out of the picture. 
my FOB has been out of the picture for months now, all my choices have been on my own. ive been pregnant alone this whole time. ill be 31 weeks tomorrow. and i find that going day by day without a doubt (him) things seem simple and enjoyable.
if you need to talk, PM me.. 
we can have a privte converstation




nolansmom said:


> YES!!! That's exactly it. The conversations about not knowing each other long enough or whatever - it's all smoke n mirrors designed to give him enough time to decide if I'm really "good enough" however I don't have that kind of time. And oddly enough at the end of it all it's me who is questioned about my decisions. I remember once last time around going to a canadian coffee chain and the manager knowing I was pregnant saying "in my country we give a pregnant woman what she wants".. She was from Guyana. So at that time I thought "wow, first time anyone has ever made me feel important in this whole thing".. I know it's not the same thing as a ring BUT if I've expressed my desire to at least have a ring on my finger - who is he to say that's silly or stupid or doesn't mean anything. It means a whole lot to me - it means he is putting his effort where his mouth is. He doesn't wanna do that. :) Ahh well - I am going to have appt on 18th and see about an anti-depressant of some kind as my hormones are way out of whack during pregnancy. Although I've never ever taken one before I feel like I'll need to just make a choice - also, I find he complicates things by being there but not really being there. I feel single and then not and then single again (last time) so maybe with him out altogether I can accept being single and pregnant and do everything for myself.
> 
> Last time around I tried to buy some things and he told me not to because he can get them free from some place - or some family with baby clothes etc (I'm not in to that) it's too much work borrowing clothes people might want back.. So I found he confused me a lot and never cared a whole bunch about what I wanted. If I could just get over the idea of "how am I gonna afford this" I'd be ok.. :) I'm tryin' to work for the welfare system NOT go on it.. :)
> 
> 
> TinkCee said:
> 
> 
> Im with you on that..
> My FOB is sort of the trickster. he says he wants a family, then the next week he says this happened all to fast.
> in my mind, you either want me or you dont.
> and there will be a commitment or not. either way i wont sit around wasting my time playing "Pretend family"
> thats just not how i want my life. i want someone who will say what they feel, mean what they say and come through on their end. prove to me that they are ready for everything thats about to happen.
> 
> i get what you mean. you dont want to waste any time. im in agreement with that.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> nolansmom said:
> 
> 
> I guess I feel even more tricked now because of the many excuses over time. The thought of him with anything less than an engagement just isn't gonna cut it. I'm not moving in with him just for fun or having him come with me to appts or anything of the sort. I don't get it - i don't get ho a man can say I love you and you're the woman I want to be with forever - and not get his ass up to buy a ring. :)
> 
> 
> TinkCee said:
> 
> 
> Hi :)
> 
> first off i am sorry he becomes a jerk when youre pregnant. i wouldnt deal with that.
> he put you through an ABORTION! at 17 weeks.. i seriously think he is the problem for leading you on.
> 
> i got pregnant less then 2 weeks into a new relationship. considering we knew each other months before but 2 WEEKS into our dating i was pregnant. i expected commitment. he got me pregnant and i blamed him for putting my life on hold. well he walked away. he didnt want anything to do with the baby or me.
> how hard is it for a guy to commit? well, its very hard for them.
> 
> i do understand that need for you to know that he is ready to be with you, it will be comfort for you. esp in a sensitve time like this. but theres no way a guy will be willing express his feelings without a little push. yea some women say that theres certain guys who will, but in all reality EVERY guy needs a slight push.
> 
> i hope you consider every option before making your mind up.
> dont let him influence you in any way. he walked away. let him. if he stayed around that would just confuse things. maybe he needs his space to think to.
> you have a child and a soon to be child to think about.. not to mention you have your own life.
> 
> good luck =)
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Click to expand...Click to expand...


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## ravenmel

Well all I can say is good luck to you. 
Something just doesn't sit right with me with this story for example, It's not o.k for him to buy earrings coz of his debt but it would have been o.k for him to buy a ring and pay out for a wedding even tho his in debt? Just because a guy say he wants family one day that doesn't mean he wants it next month or even in a year.
You had sex twice the month you got pregnant, I'm guessing unprotected so why are you shocked that you're pregnant? It only takes one time.

I get the feeling you think it's all his fault, but I can only speak for myself here when I say, it sounds like you have a big part of the blame, but your not taking in to account what you did wrong. 

Anyway, as you said you've made the decision to not be with him so you just need to make arrangements in regards to the baby and access.


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## nolansmom

Let me clarify - I didn't suggest we either get married right away or have even a wedding of any kind if we did (previously). I have been married before and had neither an expensive ring or wedding as I'm just not in to the lavish of life. Previously he and I went on appointments together etc and every time he was refered to as my "husband".. He didn't correct anyone when they said that, he allowed them to believe that we were in fact married. Why? Because he doesn't want to admit to other people that he has a pregnant g/f. You know men are NOT stupid, they understand right from wrong and they understand why a woman would want to be married or engaged or at least give the appearance of such while pregnant. He just isn't capable of such things - as my older post suggest he lives at home with his parents where his mother cooks him dinner each night and opens his mail at 35 year old. I had 1 menstrual cycle after last year and that was January - he and I had sex twice after which I initiated conversations about birth control etc. I have NEVER been on birth control in my life and NEVER had such an issue. In fact when we found out I said "can you go get the test and condoms".. There is no suggestion that I am not responsible for my own actions - I thought it was assumed that I am - seeing as how I am the one still recovering from the physical aspects of previous pregnancy and taking the time to look for advice here (I'm certain he is not checking out online forums". As for rings etc - there are plenty of inexpensive rings - instead his response to conversation was staring in to space and deleted his facebook account 10 minutes after dropping me off at home.. I don't apreciate the trickery on his end.


ravenmel said:


> Well all I can say is good luck to you.
> Something just doesn't sit right with me with this story for example, It's not o.k for him to buy earrings coz of his debt but it would have been o.k for him to buy a ring and pay out for a wedding even tho his in debt? Just because a guy say he wants family one day that doesn't mean he wants it next month or even in a year.
> You had sex twice the month you got pregnant, I'm guessing unprotected so why are you shocked that you're pregnant? It only takes one time.
> 
> I get the feeling you think it's all his fault, but I can only speak for myself here when I say, it sounds like you have a big part of the blame, but your not taking in to account what you did wrong.
> 
> Anyway, as you said you've made the decision to not be with him so you just need to make arrangements in regards to the baby and access.


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## ravenmel

Yeah but you knew all this. He didn't trick you, you picked him. So what if the doctor assumes you're married and he doesn't correct them? Why would he? they don't know you guys, does he have to go around offering an explanation everytime someone refers to you as MR and Mrs? Wow pressure slow down, I'm starting to feel sorry for the poor guy.

If it was soo important to get married first, why oh why did you get pregnant again. The first time was oops, holy moly etc his not going to change for you and he showed you who was and who he is, he lives at home with his mum, his in debt, he was mean when you was pregnant the first time etc so that's why I say you knew all this, banging on at him is not going to change him he can only change if he wants to. You guys seem to have a load of issues that need ironing out before you even talk about marriage. 
What is marriage going to change anyway?Do you love him or do you just want to get married to because your having a baby together? You'll still have all the same problems after the wedding that you do now.


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## nolansmom

No one is "banging on him".. I've said I am not talking to him. I am not asking him for anything - I told him clearly nothing has changed since the first time around. And yes, a non married couple going to Dr appts etc WOULD correct the Dr and staff when then refer to your status incorrectly. Unless of course it made him feel "good" to think of it that way w/o having to do the actual legwork that other men do. 

Again, I thought it was to be assumed that I love him, otherwise I can't imagine any of this would have happened. Again, I was hoping for a proposal of some kind - even if just to shut me up for now. Actually, i wasn't even so much as hoping for that either as I was hoping to have an adult conversation w him that turned in to him staring off in to space for tens of minutes with no reply - and saying sarcastically "you're already booking an abortion appointment".. So he was using sarcasm and completely false accusations in the first time we spoke about it - counselling appt i did book.. and if he was confused about it a grown person would ask - not sarcastically throw accusations at me. 

He does have many issues all on his own. Not I - unfortunately it's taken this long to identify some of them. Actually they just keep replaying in my mind over and over and are quite ridiculous for a 35 yr old grown man. 



ravenmel said:


> Yeah but you knew all this. He didn't trick you, you picked him. So what if the doctor assumes you're married and he doesn't correct them? Why would he? they don't know you guys, does he have to go around offering an explanation everytime someone refers to you as MR and Mrs? Wow pressure slow down, I'm starting to feel sorry for the poor guy.
> 
> If it was soo important to get married first, why oh why did you get pregnant again. The first time was oops, holy moly etc his not going to change for you and he showed you who was and who he is, he lives at home with his mum, his in debt, he was mean when you was pregnant the first time etc so that's why I say you knew all this, banging on at him is not going to change him he can only change if he wants to. You guys seem to have a load of issues that need ironing out before you even talk about marriage.
> What is marriage going to change anyway?Do you love him or do you just want to get married to because your having a baby together? You'll still have all the same problems after the wedding that you do now.


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## beachgal

No judgement here :)
Do what is right for you and baby. Many women are amazing single moms who are able to make it work financially and emotionally. I'm personally looking forward to the journey as a single mom :)
You can't change the past but you can apply it to the future and come out a better and stronger person in the end. 
Good luck :)


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## buttonnose82

Locked as per forum rules



> While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.


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