# Surrogacy in the UK



## Emzies1310

Hi Everyone, 

I posted earlier in the recurrent miscarriage group and then noticed this one, I'm currently recovering from my 5th miscarriage at the moment and this time around midwives and GP have mentioned looking into other options. 

I do have a very close friend who offered to be our surrogate a while ago and has said she is still willing to do it now, I've been trawling the internet to find information about surrogacy but I'm struggling to find any UK based information, if anyone has any information I would be really grateful. 

Emma


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## Hope39

Hi Emma

I can't help on the surrogacy front but was just wondering why your midwife and gp have told you look at other options

I have had 6 first tri miscarriages and a neonatal loss, my consultants have never mentioned looking at other options

Have you had any testing done?

I didn't see your post in the rmc thread

Xx


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## aimze

Hi emzies I think I've seen you around before 

I'm not sure on UK surrogacy, it's not recognise here I don't think so you wouldn't get your maternity time off work and as far as I'm aware you would need to adopt the child when they're born as your friend is the legal parent until signed over even though your egg...might be wrong though as haven't read about it for years...

I just wanted to write an say that we struggled with Ttc miscarriages for 4 years and after a fairly short time of fertility treatments we decided on adoption...

We brought our 11 month son home in May and love him so so dearly! Best part is we're also taking his new born brother on too which is just amazing! 

I'm not trying to sell adoption or anything just letting you know that there are options to be a mummy and after years of bein desperate for a child I have my amazing family!!

Gd luck xxxxx


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## CareBear

Try this website https://www.surrogacyuk.org under the new children and families act which came into force in April intended parents in surrogacy can take adoption leave. This website looks good and assists with matching up surrogates and intended parents. Good luck with whatever decision you intend to take x


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## aimze

Oh wow that's really interesting the leave can be taken from 2015, about time for some new updates! 

Good luck  x


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## petitpas

Hi Emzies,

I totally understand you looking at other options. I did, too. Surrogacy UK seems to really be the main place for information here in the UK. Maybe you could give them a ring and ask them all your questions?

Another option I can personally recommend is Mr Shehata at the miscarriage clinic (also available via NHS in Epsom): www.miscarriageclinic.co.uk
When we thought we'd hit the end of the road (my obstetrician also didn't think it was worth trying again and St Mary's didn't know what to do with me anymore, either) he gave us a new treatment to try and it resulted in a healthy baby boy and also this current pregnancy.

I take my hat off to you for pursuing your dream. It really is worth it, however you get there! Good luck with whatever you decide :hugs:


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## BobDog

Myself and my Husband are currently going through a surrogacy. We are the Intended Parents. First thing's first, get legal advice! Have a detailed agreement signed by ALL parties before you even think about acting on it. I'm not going to lie, it's expensive, But knowing that you have legal cover should you be questioned on the legitimacy of the process then you can't be prosecuted for "buying a baby" when all you are doing is taking care of reasonable expenses from your surrogate mother. Yes, this is something that we could be accused of, thankfully we have receipts and bank statements to corroborate our outgoings and surrogates expenses.

Secondly, talk to your family and friends and let them know that this is what you are thinking of doing. It will be a massive thing for them to comprehend. Then go to an AGENCY. Please Please Please don't allow a friend to do this for you. The strain this would put on your relationship will slowly crumble away at you, your partner and your friend. 

I cannot express just how hard this process has been on all of us involved in our surrogacy. It has broken me in so so many ways. There have been very few moments where I've really and truly felt happy, and that was when agreements were signed and i felt the excitement of what we were about to embark on, and during the scans.

I said I wouldn't lie, so here's how I've been feeling through this whole process. Resentment to surrogate mother, because she has my baby with her 24/7, because she has a life of her own so I don't get much time with her or our baby, I've only felt 4/5 kicks in the 35 weeks she's been pregnant for. I have to listen to her moan and groan about every little thing about the pregnancy that I would give anything to experience for myself. The Birth Plan has been changed so often I don't even know if I will see my baby come into the world. EVERYTHING pregnancy/birth related will be decided/organised by surrogate. I have ZERO rights to anything about baby, during pregnancy and even after the birth until we have the parental order signed. Even after my husband goes on the birth certificate. 

I did all my research and sought legal advice, I did everything right and jumped through all the hoops and still this process is the most difficult thing I've done in my life. I've been through 12 miscarriages (the last one being twins). I've been through some horrific things when I was younger. This, however, is by far, the most traumatic, heartbreaking, exciting, terrifying and lonely thing I have ever gone through. Baby isn't even here yet, still got 5 weeks to go! My poor husband has been my rock though, if it weren't for him i would have been institutionalised long ago!

I would recommend you really thing about the inns and outs of this process and be hand on heart honest with yourself if you can sit on the sidelines while someone else (no matter how close you are to said person) carries your baby for 9 months. Be honest about how you will feel not to feel baby moving inside of you rather to have to wait till kicks are strong enough to be felt externally, how she feels so crap and how you wished you felt even a fraction of that, how will you feel when she starts lactating and you suddenly realise you won't be able to breast feed your own baby without medical intervention, How will you feel having to ask someone if you can touch baby bump when all you want to do is just sit with your hands on bump all evening... That get's awkward, trust me. 

It's not for the feint hearted, and I don't mean to sound so negative, but I wish someone told me some of this before we started on this journey. If you do decide to go for it then I wish you nothing but happiness and love in the year or two ahead of you. <3 <3


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## mummy2_1

Didn't want to read and run. Bobdog you are inspirational. I hope your dream baby arrives safe and sound and these next five weeks go quickly for you.x


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## loveylove

I was a gestational surrogate last year. I used an agency called COTS And gave birth to a lovely little boy last December. 

The experience was amazing for me as a surrogate but emotionally draining for the intended parents. They must have been so relieved to finally hold their baby. I think they would agree it was worth it though.


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