# Ask a social worker



## fluffosaur

Deleted


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## MonkeyLex

fluffosaur said:


> Hi everybody :flower:
> 
> I work as a social worker within the adoption service and I'm happy to answer your questions about the process. I carry out assessments of prospective adopters and assist in the home finding (matching) process.
> 
> Sometimes it can help to have "insider" knowledge, particularly if you are worried that you might not qualify (you probably will!)
> 
> If you want to ask me a direct question then feel free to PM me; I'll try and get back to you asap.
> 
> ~ fluffosaur :coffee:

How likely is it that a single gay woman would be accepted for adoption and be matched with a child? Please be honest.


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## Abz1982

I have been thinking about Adoption as I do want other children, but I lost a lot of blood during labour and they had a lot of trouble stopping it - I dont want the same or worse to happen if I have another and for something bad to happen to me. 

But........How likely is it that an unmarried couple who already have a biological child would be able to adopt? We both have decent jobs etc, and an extended family who have experience with children. But we both work Full time. Would that count against us? 

Also.......MIL used to be guardian of her other grandson (DIL was a drug addict and kids were taken off her) and his brother (not bio relation to her) and the child made allegations against her - found to be totally untrue - but she is sure that these are on some record about her in the social work dept locally - would be our dept as the children were from our city, but she is in another region so was handled by 2 councils. Would this affect anything?


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## glitterqueen

Hi
I have recently been approved as a single adoptor- If I want my boyfriend to move in etc how soon should i tell the social worker and will i then have to wait another 3 years until he goes through the hole process like i did?


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## glitterqueen

Abz1982 said:


> I have been thinking about Adoption as I do want other children, but I lost a lot of blood during labour and they had a lot of trouble stopping it - I dont want the same or worse to happen if I have another and for something bad to happen to me.
> 
> But........How likely is it that an unmarried couple who already have a biological child would be able to adopt? We both have decent jobs etc, and an extended family who have experience with children. But we both work Full time. Would that count against us?
> 
> Also.......MIL used to be guardian of her other grandson (DIL was a drug addict and kids were taken off her) and his brother (not bio relation to her) and the child made allegations against her - found to be totally untrue - but she is sure that these are on some record about her in the social work dept locally - would be our dept as the children were from our city, but she is in another region so was handled by 2 councils. Would this affect anything?

abz#I am not a social worker but have just completed the process to adopt- you don't have to be married its ok if you work but you will be expected to take 1 year off work like maternity leave when a child is placed don't think mil will be a problem- it is just you and partner who will be policed checked- my mum will be looking after my child and they weren't even going to speak to her!! If you r considering it get started now-mine took 3 years to complete and could be looking at same again before getting offered a child!!


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## Abz1982

glitterqueen said:


> Abz1982 said:
> 
> 
> I have been thinking about Adoption as I do want other children, but I lost a lot of blood during labour and they had a lot of trouble stopping it - I dont want the same or worse to happen if I have another and for something bad to happen to me.
> 
> But........How likely is it that an unmarried couple who already have a biological child would be able to adopt? We both have decent jobs etc, and an extended family who have experience with children. But we both work Full time. Would that count against us?
> 
> Also.......MIL used to be guardian of her other grandson (DIL was a drug addict and kids were taken off her) and his brother (not bio relation to her) and the child made allegations against her - found to be totally untrue - but she is sure that these are on some record about her in the social work dept locally - would be our dept as the children were from our city, but she is in another region so was handled by 2 councils. Would this affect anything?
> 
> abz#I am not a social worker but have just completed the process to adopt- you don't have to be married its ok if you work but you will be expected to take 1 year off work like maternity leave when a child is placed don't think mil will be a problem- it is just you and partner who will be policed checked- my mum will be looking after my child and they weren't even going to speak to her!! If you r considering it get started now-mine took 3 years to complete and could be looking at same again before getting offered a child!!Click to expand...

I would ideally like to have a child the same age, or a few months younger than Emma. So that might work in our favour if it takes a while as am I right in thinking that older children - like over 1 yr - are harder to place?


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## glitterqueen

there are very few babies in the system-mainly because it takes so long to process everything and ever avenue has to be exhausted before adoption can take place. most children are 3 upwards and i have to say most in the uk have some sort of disability to varying degrees. also there are a lot of mixed race kids but social services wont give them to white parents-they would rather they stayed in care bizarely . I understand the need to identify with your culture but surely that can be done within a loving forever home??-sorry started to rant there!!! good luck wih it all x


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## CareBear

Abz1982 said:


> glitterqueen said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Abz1982 said:
> 
> 
> I have been thinking about Adoption as I do want other children, but I lost a lot of blood during labour and they had a lot of trouble stopping it - I dont want the same or worse to happen if I have another and for something bad to happen to me.
> 
> But........How likely is it that an unmarried couple who already have a biological child would be able to adopt? We both have decent jobs etc, and an extended family who have experience with children. But we both work Full time. Would that count against us?
> 
> Also.......MIL used to be guardian of her other grandson (DIL was a drug addict and kids were taken off her) and his brother (not bio relation to her) and the child made allegations against her - found to be totally untrue - but she is sure that these are on some record about her in the social work dept locally - would be our dept as the children were from our city, but she is in another region so was handled by 2 councils. Would this affect anything?
> 
> abz#I am not a social worker but have just completed the process to adopt- you don't have to be married its ok if you work but you will be expected to take 1 year off work like maternity leave when a child is placed don't think mil will be a problem- it is just you and partner who will be policed checked- my mum will be looking after my child and they weren't even going to speak to her!! If you r considering it get started now-mine took 3 years to complete and could be looking at same again before getting offered a child!!Click to expand...
> 
> I would ideally like to have a child the same age, or a few months younger than Emma. So that might work in our favour if it takes a while as am I right in thinking that older children - like over 1 yr - are harder to place?Click to expand...

They won't match you with a child of the same age or close in age to your daughter, they like there to be a decent age gap, my local authority state 3 years difference.


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## Abz1982

CareBear said:


> Abz1982 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> glitterqueen said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Abz1982 said:
> 
> 
> I have been thinking about Adoption as I do want other children, but I lost a lot of blood during labour and they had a lot of trouble stopping it - I dont want the same or worse to happen if I have another and for something bad to happen to me.
> 
> But........How likely is it that an unmarried couple who already have a biological child would be able to adopt? We both have decent jobs etc, and an extended family who have experience with children. But we both work Full time. Would that count against us?
> 
> Also.......MIL used to be guardian of her other grandson (DIL was a drug addict and kids were taken off her) and his brother (not bio relation to her) and the child made allegations against her - found to be totally untrue - but she is sure that these are on some record about her in the social work dept locally - would be our dept as the children were from our city, but she is in another region so was handled by 2 councils. Would this affect anything?
> 
> abz#I am not a social worker but have just completed the process to adopt- you don't have to be married its ok if you work but you will be expected to take 1 year off work like maternity leave when a child is placed don't think mil will be a problem- it is just you and partner who will be policed checked- my mum will be looking after my child and they weren't even going to speak to her!! If you r considering it get started now-mine took 3 years to complete and could be looking at same again before getting offered a child!!Click to expand...
> 
> I would ideally like to have a child the same age, or a few months younger than Emma. So that might work in our favour if it takes a while as am I right in thinking that older children - like over 1 yr - are harder to place?Click to expand...
> 
> They won't match you with a child of the same age or close in age to your daughter, they like there to be a decent age gap, my local authority state 3 years difference.Click to expand...

Aww poo. Why is that? 

Also.......OH has an Admonishment for Assault when he was younger (his mate was being beat en up by a group of guys and he stepped in to help and someone got hurt). He is sure that this will count against him. He has had no further things like this since, and even the police were loath to charge him (as it was a local scum bag that got hurt). But thats by the by


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## CareBear

I'm not sure of the exact reason's but I think its to do with so there is no comparison and each child are treated as individuals especially as children who are placed for adoption nowadays are from traumatic backgrounds.


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## LoveNTy

MonkeyLex said:


> fluffosaur said:
> 
> 
> Hi everybody :flower:
> 
> I work as a social worker within the adoption service and I'm happy to answer your questions about the process. I carry out assessments of prospective adopters and assist in the home finding (matching) process.
> 
> Sometimes it can help to have "insider" knowledge, particularly if you are worried that you might not qualify (you probably will!)
> 
> If you want to ask me a direct question then feel free to PM me; I'll try and get back to you asap.
> 
> ~ fluffosaur :coffee:
> 
> How likely is it that a single gay woman would be accepted for adoption and be matched with a child? Please be honest.Click to expand...

Here (NL Canada) it's easier to adopt being a straight gay person; than a person in a common law "marriage!" My husband and I got turned down because we're not married. We've been together 11 years and have kids together already too. :(


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## OnErth&InHvn

Ive BTDT with the system- childrens sevices/adoption/relative placement. 



Abz1982 said:


> But........How likely is it that an unmarried couple who already have a biological child would be able to adopt? We both have decent jobs etc, and an extended family who have experience with children. But we both work Full time. Would that count against us?
> 
> *you can be a foster parent, even an adoptive parent with children and jobs. that will not stop you, it can only help you*
> 
> Also.......MIL used to be guardian of her other grandson (DIL was a drug addict and kids were taken off her) and his brother (not bio relation to her) and the child made allegations against her - found to be totally untrue - but she is sure that these are on some record about her in the social work dept locally - would be our dept as the children were from our city, but she is in another region so was handled by 2 councils. Would this affect anything?

*Sadly, it IS in a system/computer. Every allegation, call, everything is kept. A call comes in, they investigate it (come out, talk to you,etc), either move it on for ongoing services OR close it- either way it stays in the computer for a good long while. Do they use your past against you? It matters what for- they are NOT going to place a child with you if your DH has a sex abuse allegation, even if its from when he was 18 and hes 45 now. It does NOT matter if the reports are from 2 counties/countries/states- the system is shared.*
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Abz1982 said:


> Also.......OH has an Admonishment for Assault when he was younger (his mate was being beat en up by a group of guys and he stepped in to help and someone got hurt). He is sure that this will count against him. He has had no further things like this since, and even the police were loath to charge him (as it was a local scum bag that got hurt). But thats by the by

*see above about the past hanging around...*

Im not against the system, dont get me wrong, but its not easy.


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## allofus

hi fluffosaur are you still coming on to this site? i could realy do with ur help please x


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