# IVF Article number Bleh - Egg Collection



## CurlySue

Eleven.

Number eleven. The exact number of players in a football team. The squad number of Albert Riera, of Bojan Krjic. 

Eleven. The number of eggs retrieved today from this, my first IVF egg collection. Its a decent number, more than ten, just, less than fifteen. Its enough, isnt it? Out of eleven you would hope that fertilisation would be at least adequate. Even if less than half fertilise, thats still five. Five is good. Five is a nice number. We shouldnt really focus on the numbers, really, should we? Its like fixating on a bra size or, for men, its like focusing on how many inches are down there rather than what those inches can do. 

Its human nature to want more though, isnt it? To want the best?

15th June 2009. My first collection done and dusted!

So, the procedure itself seemed relatively simple. My job was easy. Get there at 11.30 along with the husband. Have husband produce a sample just before leaving (easier said than done, since he became all Greta Garbo and wanted to be alone). Arrive in good time and then just wait. Thats what fertility treatment is all about, isnt it? Waiting? Waiting is the hardest part, I find. Sitting around passing time, watching the clock tick on by

The waiting room was full, full of people perhaps there to see specialists, not there to have people see them in all their glory as I was. They were in work clothes so I assume they were heading back to the office not long after. I remember being at their stage. Seems so long ago, now. Sometimes I forget just how long its been. Id estimate around 25 people there when we arrived, some of whom looked like theyd been there for a long, long time. The looks I got when my name was called before any of them was a picture. I felt like the VIP, headed to the front of the queue. Id say it was funny but it wasnt really. I had earned the VIP treatment though, hadnt I? After all, Id waited, just like they had. Id taken my time. 

(ps - the irony of IVF BLUNDER SCANDAL being on the waiting room television was not lost on me OR the OH)

11.40, we were led to this tiny private room with duck-egg walls and its only private bathroom and OHs words in relation to the same were Ive had hotel rooms worse than this. It was clean. It was pleasant, if clinical. Best of all, there was no smell. I hate that clinical smell. It makes me nauseous. The only thing missing from this room was the tiny plastic cot for baby, but Im hoping thats to come.

There was a bed. A sink. A little bedside table. After changing into a gown a lady with dyed blonde hair came to take my blood pressure, to give me that much sought-after item of hospital jewellery so personalised it even had my name on it! How special? How delightful? We even had our own voyeur and thats MORE than we expected. The hospital has a new build in the process of being finalised. There was a man on a crane who kept on floating past that window whilst I lay there, bra-less, knicker-less and looking less than my best. Lucky enough, the curtains drew. Wouldve hated for the moon to rise in the middle of the day for that poor *******!

OH and I hedged bets. How long would it be? How late would they be? He won, of course. My procedure was scheduled for 12.30. By 12.45 we were in the procedure room, OH decked out like a forensic expert and me with my legs in stirrups. Again. We looked around at gigantic needles, at little bottles, at funny green lights. The X Files, he said. This is clearly something from The X Files. 

We spoke to an embryologist, who went through some questions with us. We met a lady who would be assisting and a man named Richard who would be carrying out the procedure. He shook OHs hand then did it again, fearing that his handshake had been pitiful and it reminded me so much of a pissing contest between college boys. 

I hoped he was more than a college boy.

Other half got to stay whilst the anaesthetist (a man who reminded me, a little too much, of the old man from Poltergeist, so much so that I was waiting for Are you loooost, honey?) inserted that painful little needle and tube in my hand and injected the happy juice which sent me off to sleep. 

As I drifted off I was left with the overwhelming desire to die of shame or sink down into myself as a man in a tigger hat disappeared between my legs, shining a light where no light should go. 

That was Richard. 

College boy.

Im so glad that I was on first name terms with a man who has seen more of me than perhaps any man but my husband ever should!

I dont remember anything about the procedure itself. It wasnt a general but a virtual anaesthetic where you sleep right through. I have vague memories of having my slippers put on my feet, being placed in a wheelchair and then helped back into bed when it was all done. I have even vaguer memories of being told not to fall asleep when all I wanted to do was just that. To fall asleep. To say goodnight. 

Half an hour or more had passed yet it felt like only seconds before that Id lay down on that bed and smiled up at Mr Poltergeist, perhaps secretly hoping that the hospital were not built on an ancient Indian burial ground!!!! 

It took me some ten minutes to wake up properly, some twenty before I was focused enough to eat the delightful chocolate chip cookie left there for my very benefit. OH was very sweet, rambling on, refusing my two favoured boys names and trying to come up with better options himself. After half an hour, Mr Tigger came into our room and asked us Whats the magic number?

I knew, in that moment, that it had to be half decent. A man would not joke to a woman who had a poor response. He would not jest with a couple about to be told that of their 12 to 16 good follicles only one egg was produced. Go on, he said. Just guess. If you guess right you get to keep them. 

OH guessed eleven. He was dead right. 

His eggs, Richard said. He gets to name them, then.

The man in the Tigger Hat stated that two names he found particularly amazing were Cash and Harley; we should consider those, he said. OH nodded his head enthusiastically, stating that our child would sound like a movie star. Richard smiled, and said See?

Whilst he was the man that retrieved my eggs for me, I was not inclined to agree. 

So, eleven eggs. Eleven lovely eggs, he said. And, whilst Im here to tell you this good news Id like to ask you about a little trial we have going on. You might be interested in taking part after you get your positive pregnancy test in two weeks time!

Such hope. Such optimism. Should I follow suit or frown upon him for being so reckless with his words? Should I sink into this experts encouragement or should I hold back? He assumed that Id be pregnant, assumed that this would work. Were his words designed to make us feel positive, or were they just slip of the tongue utterances of serious daftness?

The test, he said, is a progesterone trial. The results, thusfar, have reduced miscarriage from 25% to 10%. 

But, lets get you pregnant first, he said, perhaps trying to take back the words he had earlier uttered. 

The test is something I will think about later on. The test, its something I will consider if Richard Tigger is correct and that my test IS positive in two weeks time. 

I can only hope that tomorrow yields positive results, as today did!!!

i'd like to say a little something about the pain. The pain, post collection, is not exactly pain, more discomfort. It feels tight to stand, uncomfortable to walk. It's not a pain that would be killed by paracetamol but assisted by rest. 

For those of you undergoing this procedure, imagine doing 2000 sit ups. 

Imagine the tightness you would feel the following morning.

That's about how bad it is!


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## Pippin

Once again you tell a great story. I truly hope this one has a happy ending for you. 11 eggs is marvelous and I look forward to hearing how many of them turn into little emby's tomorrow. I have everything crossed for you and the 11 potential footballers you have there. Good luck, if that is the appropriate thing to say. xxx


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## Zarababy1

I really enjoyed reading that hun and i'll be looking forward to hearing the out come, very good luck with it all and heres too that bfp in two weeks time!!!


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## maz

I'm so glad everything went well for you. Eleven eggs is a great number - not too many that OHSS is a risk, and not too few that you risk having too few embryos. Eleven was my lucky number first time round - let's hope it works for you!!

I love reading your posts - they are always so well put - I can't be arsed writing in such a way anymore. It takes up too much brain power for me. My brain power gets sapped during the day by old coffin dodgers.

I look forward to hearing of a great fertilisation rate tomorrow...

xx


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## toby2

my friend also had her eggs collected today, she had 9-11 sounds a good number!hope they do well and get jiggy for you tonight
xx


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## CurlySue

Pippin said:


> Once again you tell a great story. I truly hope this one has a happy ending for you. 11 eggs is marvelous and I look forward to hearing how many of them turn into little emby's tomorrow. I have everything crossed for you and the 11 potential footballers you have there. Good luck, if that is the appropriate thing to say. xxx

Haha could sell all 11 to Real Madrid citing them as potential world beaters. I'm sure I'd get 200 million for them. 

Thanks for the well wishes. Hope all this is worth it.


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## Lyns

You have a great sense of style in your stories, and I thank you for sharing with us, what you are going through in such an entertaining, yet informative manner. 

I wish you all the luck in the world, and truly hope that you have the opportunity to partake in that trial...should you wish...in two weeks xxx


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## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> my friend also had her eggs collected today, she had 9-11 sounds a good number!hope they do well and get jiggy for you tonight
> xx

I hope for a Sperm Invasion, yes <3


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## CurlySue

Lyns said:


> You have a great sense of style in your stories, and I thank you for sharing with us, what you are going through in such an entertaining, yet informative manner.
> 
> I wish you all the luck in the world, and truly hope that you have the opportunity to partake in that trial...should you wish...in two weeks xxx

It's just such a shite experience to go through, and I know so many other people will be going through the same thing that I thought I might as well put a bit of a blurb on it all, if that makes sense. Cold, hard facts are not quite enough so I suppose I just like to 'inform'. Plus, I am a frustrated rambler by nature so I suppose it fits me well. 

Hope you are right and your good luck sprinkles magic dust on me! Thanks.


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## CurlySue

maz said:


> I'm so glad everything went well for you. Eleven eggs is a great number - not too many that OHSS is a risk, and not too few that you risk having too few embryos. Eleven was my lucky number first time round - let's hope it works for you!!
> 
> I love reading your posts - they are always so well put - I can't be arsed writing in such a way anymore. It takes up too much brain power for me. My brain power gets sapped during the day by old coffin dodgers.
> 
> I look forward to hearing of a great fertilisation rate tomorrow...
> 
> xx

11 does seem like a good number doesn't it? I like the number. Maybe I will adopt it as my lucky number. Hope you get your 11 soon!!! 

Yeah I go through phases where I can't be arsed but I went to a counsellor who told me I need an outlet for all of my thoughts. I don't really talk to anybody in my real life about all this stuff so its nice to open up a word document and bore it to tears!!!!!! Hope the coffin dodgers at least have a sense of humour, a la Catherine Tate Gran!!! 

xxx


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## toby2

sod it, dont wait for the good luck to sprinkle dust-this is for your boys and girls down in the lab tonight!!!
:dust::dust::dust:
:dust::dust:
:dust::dust::dust:
:dust:

:bodyb::bodyb::bodyb::bodyb:
:bodyb::bodyb::bodyb::bodyb:
for the boys......
and

:wine::wine::wine::drunk:
:wine::wine::drunk::wine:
for the girls(usually helps me get in the mood!)

(I am not being flip and i hope it doesnt come across that way-think you are being unbelievebly brave for sharing in such an honest way)


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## CurlySue

Ah am not a drinker but I do enjoy other people drinking, Toby, so I shall share that wine with The Girlies. I'm more of a cake girl. I got my OH to go and buy me a chocolate gateau from Tesco. Am likely to eat the whole thing before tomorrow :)

Cheers for the dust. I hope my boys and girls get together and fall in love tonight, a romantic little rendezvous in a petri dish. How utterly charming!!!


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## Pippin

Hurrah for chocolate cake, I hear it's very good for preparing for implantation!! :winkwink: certainly helped my little one grow, I've eaten enough chocolate to feed an army, enjoy being pampered for a while. xxx


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## CurlySue

Pippin said:


> Hurrah for chocolate cake, I hear it's very good for preparing for implantation!! :winkwink: certainly helped my little one grow, I've eaten enough chocolate to feed an army, enjoy being pampered for a while. xxx

Oh don't say that, it's basically giving me permission to indulge. Can imagine me (hopefully) tucking into my third slice of Apple Pie.

"But, the BABY wants it."


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## maz

CurlySue said:


> maz said:
> 
> 
> I'm so glad everything went well for you. Eleven eggs is a great number - not too many that OHSS is a risk, and not too few that you risk having too few embryos. Eleven was my lucky number first time round - let's hope it works for you!!
> 
> I love reading your posts - they are always so well put - I can't be arsed writing in such a way anymore. It takes up too much brain power for me. My brain power gets sapped during the day by old coffin dodgers.
> 
> I look forward to hearing of a great fertilisation rate tomorrow...
> 
> xx
> 
> 11 does seem like a good number doesn't it? I like the number. Maybe I will adopt it as my lucky number. Hope you get your 11 soon!!!
> 
> Yeah I go through phases where I can't be arsed but I went to a counsellor who told me I need an outlet for all of my thoughts. I don't really talk to anybody in my real life about all this stuff so its nice to open up a word document and bore it to tears!!!!!! Hope the coffin dodgers at least have a sense of humour, a la Catherine Tate Gran!!!
> 
> xxxClick to expand...

Some of the old coffin dodgers are great - others I could cheerfully slap and not feel guilty...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for our next cycle. I'd willingly produce less eggs if it meant better quality, more embryos, and that long awaited sticky :bfp:

But enough about me - it's your turn now - I feel it in my waters. I'm having a little drinky poos in celebration for your good news today - please let me have reason to get pissed in a couple of weeks!!!


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## wrightywales

Hi Curlysue

I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx


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## CurlySue

maz said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> maz said:
> 
> 
> I'm so glad everything went well for you. Eleven eggs is a great number - not too many that OHSS is a risk, and not too few that you risk having too few embryos. Eleven was my lucky number first time round - let's hope it works for you!!
> 
> I love reading your posts - they are always so well put - I can't be arsed writing in such a way anymore. It takes up too much brain power for me. My brain power gets sapped during the day by old coffin dodgers.
> 
> I look forward to hearing of a great fertilisation rate tomorrow...
> 
> xx
> 
> 11 does seem like a good number doesn't it? I like the number. Maybe I will adopt it as my lucky number. Hope you get your 11 soon!!!
> 
> Yeah I go through phases where I can't be arsed but I went to a counsellor who told me I need an outlet for all of my thoughts. I don't really talk to anybody in my real life about all this stuff so its nice to open up a word document and bore it to tears!!!!!! Hope the coffin dodgers at least have a sense of humour, a la Catherine Tate Gran!!!
> 
> xxxClick to expand...
> 
> Some of the old coffin dodgers are great - others I could cheerfully slap and not feel guilty...
> 
> I'm keeping my fingers crossed for our next cycle. I'd willingly produce less eggs if it meant better quality, more embryos, and that long awaited sticky :bfp:
> 
> But enough about me - it's your turn now - I feel it in my waters. I'm having a little drinky poos in celebration for your good news today - please let me have reason to get pissed in a couple of weeks!!!Click to expand...

:bfp:

"When I were a kid we didn't have all of this Haribo palarva. We had to eat SOOT. Yes, SOOT!" I kid you not, an old codger has said these very words to me. To say that I almost peed myself is an understatement. And, upon hearing his sister tell him "you're not well enough to go to mass, Bill," my Great Uncle, years ago, yelled back at her "Get thee behind me, Satan!" Oh, how I love coffin dodgers!!! 

I reckon you'll do good. Ring up the old NHS and tell them to pull their thumb out of their arse. Do it tomorrow. Or Wednesday. Ask them "Are we nearly there, yet?" like a two year old on a back seat. I would gladly give you reason to get pissed in the near future. I'm hoping to give J a reason to get pissed. He's pissed now. Hasn't drank properly in awhile and went out and bought himself a load of ale. He rather sweetly (and cheesily) called me his 'hero' about half an hour ago, bless. 

:hug:


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## CurlySue

wrightywales said:


> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx

You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright. 

Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"


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## maz

Oh CS - I already phoned the stupid ass NHS - you should read about it in my journal.

Pricks!!!!!

I'm thinking of putting a thread in the main forum to see what other questions you guys can think of me for my lovely email...


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## wrightywales

CurlySue said:


> wrightywales said:
> 
> 
> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx
> 
> You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright.
> 
> Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"Click to expand...

I was sat by the drinks machine


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## CurlySue

wrightywales said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> wrightywales said:
> 
> 
> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx
> 
> You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright.
> 
> Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"Click to expand...
> 
> I was sat by the drinks machineClick to expand...

Blonde hair? Short? Orangish top?

Actually, scratch that, were you on your own with a backpack?


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## CurlySue

maz said:


> Oh CS - I already phoned the stupid ass NHS - you should read about it in my journal.
> 
> Pricks!!!!!
> 
> I'm thinking of putting a thread in the main forum to see what other questions you guys can think of me for my lovely email...

I'm going to have a look now. I will leave some generous suggestions in your journal!!!!!


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## wrightywales

CurlySue said:


> wrightywales said:
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> wrightywales said:
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> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx
> 
> You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright.
> 
> Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I was sat by the drinks machineClick to expand...
> 
> no brown hair glasses black top and jeans. Where were u sat?
> 
> Blonde hair? Short? Orangish top?
> 
> Actually, scratch that, were you on your own with a backpack?Click to expand...

yes that was me lol


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## CurlySue

wrightywales said:


> CurlySue said:
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> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx
> 
> You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright.
> 
> Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I was sat by the drinks machineClick to expand...
> 
> no brown hair glasses black top and jeans. Where were u sat?
> 
> Blonde hair? Short? Orangish top?
> 
> Actually, scratch that, were you on your own with a backpack?Click to expand...
> 
> yes that was me lolClick to expand...

Aw I was sat opposite you. Had a little peach top on and jeans. I was only in the waiting room about five minutes. My OH was annoyingly telling jokes and I was reading a Home magazine. He was called in to hand over his sperm sample, ai. Were you there on your lonesome?


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## wrightywales

CurlySue said:


> wrightywales said:
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> wrightywales said:
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> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx
> 
> You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright.
> 
> Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I was sat by the drinks machineClick to expand...
> 
> no brown hair glasses black top and jeans. Where were u sat?
> 
> Blonde hair? Short? Orangish top?
> 
> Actually, scratch that, were you on your own with a backpack?Click to expand...
> 
> yes that was me lolClick to expand...
> 
> Aw I was sat opposite you. Had a little peach top on and jeans. I was only in the waiting room about five minutes. My OH was annoyingly telling jokes and I was reading a Home magazine. Were you there on your lonesome?Click to expand...

yes hubby gets very impatient so i find it easier to go on my own :lol: but hes coming with me for EC on thursday and ET

i remember seeing u


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## CurlySue

wrightywales said:


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> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx
> 
> You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright.
> 
> Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I was sat by the drinks machineClick to expand...
> 
> no brown hair glasses black top and jeans. Where were u sat?
> 
> Blonde hair? Short? Orangish top?
> 
> Actually, scratch that, were you on your own with a backpack?Click to expand...
> 
> yes that was me lolClick to expand...
> 
> Aw I was sat opposite you. Had a little peach top on and jeans. I was only in the waiting room about five minutes. My OH was annoyingly telling jokes and I was reading a Home magazine. Were you there on your lonesome?Click to expand...
> 
> yes hubby gets very impatient so i find it easier to go on my own :lol: but hes coming with me for EC on thursday and ET
> 
> i remember seeing uClick to expand...

Aw bless. I have been on my own a few times and hated it.

Was in a summery, chatty little mood. OH was just reading his shite golf book. And was then on sickipedia for all the appalling taste jokes! I suppose that is his way of lessening nerves.


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## toby2

morning, hope you doing ok today?know my friend expecting her call between 9-11, guess yours will be similar?
(((()))))))


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## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> morning, hope you doing ok today?know my friend expecting her call between 9-11, guess yours will be similar?
> (((()))))))

Morning!!!

Fcuk knows, Toby. Friend at the same holiday got hers at 10.30 but i've been awake since about 7. Then again, that is a pattern for me. For the past six weeks my first Buserelin was at 7am. Body clock is used to waking up at that time. Plus, it's usually a work day so that's why I'm awake now. 

I know I'm going to be waiting awhile though. I'm hoping some love affairs started last night. 

"Sperm meets egg, sperm falls in love, beautiful babies are made!"


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## toby2

bet they were all busy getting jiggy with it!!!:happydance:
hope your wait isnt long, I have got good at distraction techniques to make the waiting go by slightly faster but i doubt anything could distract during this wait!!
guess you could try daytime tv out of sheer desperation???


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## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> bet they were all busy getting jiggy with it!!!:happydance:
> hope your wait isnt long, I have got good at distraction techniques to make the waiting go by slightly faster but i doubt anything could distract during this wait!!
> guess you could try daytime tv out of sheer desperation???

I'm watching Cribs. They just had Joey off NSync and his house was so amazing that i wanted it immediately. Oh, and the cat just brought a dead sparrow in. Lovely morning!!!


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## wrightywales

CurlySue said:


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> Hi Curlysue
> 
> I will be having EC on thursday so glad yo did this thread. its good readin your sid eof things so i know what to expect. You must have been in the hewitt centre the same tme as me i went for my scan about 11.40 they were running a little late. Are you having any frozen if enough eggs fertilise? Cant wait to hear fertility report fx :hug::hugs: xxxxx
> 
> You get a nice little room and some proper nice chocolate chip cookies afterwards. It's alright.
> 
> Haha you weren't the one with the badge round your neck were you? Sat round the corner saying "Some of us have got to get to work, y'know?"Click to expand...
> 
> 
> I was sat by the drinks machineClick to expand...
> 
> no brown hair glasses black top and jeans. Where were u sat?
> 
> Blonde hair? Short? Orangish top?
> 
> Actually, scratch that, were you on your own with a backpack?Click to expand...
> 
> yes that was me lolClick to expand...
> 
> Aw I was sat opposite you. Had a little peach top on and jeans. I was only in the waiting room about five minutes. My OH was annoyingly telling jokes and I was reading a Home magazine. Were you there on your lonesome?Click to expand...
> 
> yes hubby gets very impatient so i find it easier to go on my own :lol: but hes coming with me for EC on thursday and ET
> 
> i remember seeing uClick to expand...
> 
> Aw bless. I have been on my own a few times and hated it.
> 
> Was in a summery, chatty little mood. OH was just reading his shite golf book. And was then on sickipedia for all the appalling taste jokes! I suppose that is his way of lessening nerves.Click to expand...

yeah i noticed u seemed very happy. i love going on my own takes between 6 to 7 hours round trip so have time to myself. im glad i got lift for EC :lol:


----------



## CurlySue

> yeah i noticed u seemed very happy. i love going on my own takes between 6 to 7 hours round trip so have time to myself. im glad i got lift for EC :lol:

Haha not exactly 'happy' per se but I wasn't particularly nervous and I had been awake for ages so the mood was rather upbeat. Was probably starving and running on weird energy.

Is that how long it takes for you? God, where do you actually live?


----------



## wrightywales

i live near wrexham. its quite easy getting there takes 2 hours but its coming that takes the longest end up waiting in chester 4 an hour for a train and liverpool central about half hour lol


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## wrightywales

im not looking forward to the not eatng bit love my food :lol:. Glad having my EC in the morning. told huuby he better get me someting nice and sweet for when i wake up :lol:


----------



## CurlySue

wrightywales said:


> i live near wrexham. its quite easy getting there takes 2 hours but its coming that takes the longest end up waiting in chester 4 an hour for a train and liverpool central about half hour lol

Good job you are getting a lift for EC then. Nothing worse than waiting. 

Speaking of...still waiting for them to ring with fertility report. Scary.


----------



## wrightywales

CurlySue said:


> wrightywales said:
> 
> 
> i live near wrexham. its quite easy getting there takes 2 hours but its coming that takes the longest end up waiting in chester 4 an hour for a train and liverpool central about half hour lol
> 
> Good job you are getting a lift for EC then. Nothing worse than waiting.
> 
> Speaking of...still waiting for them to ring with fertility report. Scary.Click to expand...

bet it is scary. cant wait to hear how they are getting on. When are they hoping to do ET? mines on sat if everything goes well


----------



## toby2

just checking......


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## CurlySue

...still waiting.

Sods. 

I'm definitely going to ask for two embryos to replaced, if two have fertilised. It even says on my hospital's website that they replace two to increase the odds so I feel cheated if they want to put just one back.

Bet I bottle out of asking. I am so utterly pitiful.


----------



## toby2

of all the things you are or are not pitiful isnt one of them-the strength it takes to get where you are is beyond description, if you think you may find it hard and you really want it can you get oh to ask?they are your eggs,its your body and you have every right to ask what you wantxx


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## CurlySue

I've just been told it's "before twelve" which means potentially another hour and ten minutes of waiting. FFS. 

Have just had a disappointing blow via email as well but I won't go into it. Lets just say that the morning isn't going so well...


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## toby2

:hug:nearly there now- i have to pop out but look forward to reading your news when i get back, be kind to yourself, a crappy day doesnt mean a crappy result
xxx


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## CurlySue

Ten fertilised. 

Ten.

And they actually collected 12, not 11. Going to phone me on Thursday and transfer either Thursday or Saturday.

Ten.


----------



## Lyns

Thats a fantastic number honey.....been quietly stalking your thread all morning...and now just let out a big yell of delight for you :rofl:

Brilliant news!


----------



## roobie74

YAY!!!!

:happydance::yipee::headspin::wohoo:

Am delighted for you hun xxxxx


----------



## hayz1981

10 fertilised is brilliant!!! That's really amazing news.


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## CurlySue

So excited. Ten. How good is that? So much better than I could have hoped for. That gives something like an 83% fertilisation rate.


----------



## peekaboo

Hi, I've never 'met' you before (new here) but just read your post and wanted to send you my wishes. It's fantastic that 10 eggs fertilised, can't wait to read about your BFP!x


----------



## CareBear

Excellent news!


----------



## CurlySue

peekaboo said:


> Hi, I've never 'met' you before (new here) but just read your post and wanted to send you my wishes. It's fantastic that 10 eggs fertilised, can't wait to read about your BFP!x

Aw thanks. Love your kitten pic, btw. Am a sucker for kittens.

Hoping for a :bfp: very soon!!!! I'd hate for things to go this well and then go into cardiac arrest at the last hurdle.


----------



## toby2

yay yay yay:happydance::happydance::happydance:
They really did get jiggy with it!that puts in you with a really good chance, what a relief for you-onwards and upwards!
xx


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> yay yay yay:happydance::happydance::happydance:
> They really did get jiggy with it!that puts in you with a really good chance, what a relief for you-onwards and upwards!
> xx

Bless them, can imagine them meeting for the first time in that little petri dish. The room is quiet. The lights are low. The air is cool. The sperm says to the egg, you fancy combining? And the egg, she giggles. Accepts.


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## toby2

heh heh bet you feel proud of them though!!!


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> heh heh bet you feel proud of them though!!!

Proud that my 'girls' are whores who invite OH's 'boys' in after only meeting them hours before? Oh yes, I'm proud. 

My girls have been prude for years, now. It's about time they put out, so to speak.


----------



## maz

:yipee: I'm so pleased for you. 10 embryos is wonderful. It allows for a few not to develop normally and for you to have 2 put back. Fingers crossed you'll also get a few on ice ...

Can't wait to hear your news on Thursday. Out of curiosity - were you ICSI or normal IVF?


----------



## CurlySue

maz said:


> :yipee: I'm so pleased for you. 10 embryos is wonderful. It allows for a few not to develop normally and for you to have 2 put back. Fingers crossed you'll also get a few on ice ...
> 
> Can't wait to hear your news on Thursday. Out of curiosity - were you ICSI or normal IVF?

Aw thanks. Still crossing my fingers that they let me put two back. Am going to ask on Thursday when they phone me. A few on ice might be good as well. 

Was bog-standard, normal IVF!


----------



## Redfraggle

Hey CurlySue, I've been silently stalking your threads and following your journey, but had to reply to say how fantastic things are going. 10!! That really is amazing. Have the biggest smile right now for you.

Wishing you all the luck in the world for Thursday. Very best of luck. xx


----------



## CurlySue

Thanks Fraggle. It's one hurdle passed, at least. I know the hardest part is yet to come but it's nice to know that those eggs actually didn't hate DH's sperm, which was something that concerned me.


----------



## toby2

Hey curly sue, just dropping by to say hope you get good news tomorrow, you'll be pleased to know i am at work so wont be stalking you all day like i did monday!!
xx


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> Hey curly sue, just dropping by to say hope you get good news tomorrow, you'll be pleased to know i am at work so wont be stalking you all day like i did monday!!
> xx

You can stalk if you like. I don't mind. It's nice to have company, to be honest. I don't quite know what I want them to say. Obviously, that some of the ten have survived and divided. I might even want them to say they'll transfer on Saturday because having done some research a 5 day transfer has a hell of a lot higher success rate. But I just don't know. 

Still trying not to get my hopes up.


----------



## Lyns

I think you've got a few stalkers honey! I'm quietly keeping my beady peepers on this thread too!

I want them to say......that it's looking really good for you! I hope so.....xxx


----------



## CurlySue

Well, I won't be getting any restraining orders, that's for sure. It's just nice to have people around. A lot of this I've purposely done 'alone' so to speak and it's only now that I feel ready for people. Sounds weird but it's true. 

Really don't know what I want them to say. That one of the embryos miraculously grew into a baby already and that I will be in the science textbooks for years, maybe?


----------



## krissi

Hi hun, just wanted to pop by and say hi. I have followed your journey for the last year and I really hope that this is your time and I look forward to hearing good news from camp CurlySue soon xx


----------



## CurlySue

krissi said:


> Hi hun, just wanted to pop by and say hi. I have followed your journey for the last year and I really hope that this is your time and I look forward to hearing good news from camp CurlySue soon xx

Thanks love. Camp Curlysue is feeling rather edgy at present. Hopefully it will have a flag to fly in a few hours...

:hug:


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## krissi

I bet you are sitting there willing the phone to ring hun, I am nervous for you!


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## CurlySue

Well they just phoned. 

Two of the embies have died. Two are 'slow' - only 4 cells. There are two "stand-out" embryos of 7 cells (that sounds poor, no?) which are getting transferred at half three today.

They told me at open evening if they offer to put 2 back then they are perhaps lesser quality than if they offer one.

To say I feel shit is an understatement :(


----------



## Farie

:hug: My fingers are crossed for you honey


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## krissi

Oh hun sorry it is not beeter news but try to stay positive, you are having 2 embryos transferred and one of those (or even maybe 2) might start developing by the end of the day into your beautiful child. I will be thinking of you this afternoon xx


----------



## CurlySue

Want to cry now. Out of 10, only 2 stand out. Some are dead, most are "slower than they'd like"

Maybe the problem was my eggs after all


----------



## krissi

What have they said about the quality of the 2?


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## CurlySue

krissi said:


> What have they said about the quality of the 2?

That they are 7 cells. That is all that they said. I asked "Is that good or bad?" and she said "Well, we'd expect between 7 and 9 at this point" - which means mine are at the low end of the scale.


----------



## Lyns

Oh honey.....I guess if there was an easy way to do this journey.....you, or no one else, would even be on it!

My friend had the same as you.....at the same place. Great EC, good fertilisation, but only 2 embies survived, and both were put back. SHe now has two gorgeous twins, and I am going hold onto to that hope for you!

Have they said what the plans for the rest are at this point?


----------



## CurlySue

It's ridiculous, really. I felt so positive until now. The fact that some are dead, some have stopped developing and the 'best' ones are only 7 cell just makes me feel shite, really. Finding it hard to be positive. 

Not sure what is going to happen to the others. I'll have to ask when I get there. I wonder if they are leaving transfer until 3.30 to give them a better chance of growing. By that time we are going into Day 4 anyway, is a few hours past 72 hours. 

"They were seven cells when we checked at 7am this morning" she said, so it might well be that they can get to 8 by 3.30. I don't even know what quality they are...


----------



## Brambletess

Curley Sue - I am glad you have two going back in as it really maximises your chances. Good luck for later and stay positive. The quality of the embryos going in are just fine so forget about the others. I am sure you can find out more when you get there. :hug::hug: you have every reason to be hopeful!!


----------



## Pippin

Hey just caught up on your progress and wanted to wish you luck for 3:30. I know it's hard but focus on the two that have worked. All your energy can go to providing a little home for those two and they said they were fine on the scale so think positive. They weren't under the scale so that is the main thing. Lots of rest now. xxxx


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## krissi

Sure you will be just going in now have evrything crossed for you hun xx


----------



## Redfraggle

We'll all be positive enough for you. You have two embryos. Two more than you had last month, or the month before etc. They are both fine. She said between 7 and 9 cells. And your cell count was checked really early this morning. There is every hope that they will be larger by now.

Got everything crossed for you. xx


----------



## MrsF

Hi Curly, just logged on for first time in a week or so and just caught up on your journey. Thinking of you today, i hope the transfer goes well, huge huge hugs x x x x x


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## maz

Hi CS

Just got in from work and wanted to see how you're getting on. Can't stay long as DH is hungry - you'd think he didn't know where the oven was FFS...

Try not to stress too much. The good thing is that you're getting two embryos that are growing within normal parameters transferred to their new home. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that they are in for the long haul.

I'll try and pop by later to see how your ET went.

:hug:


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## CurlySue

Well, back from ET. It wasn't pleasant. Took almost half an hour because they could not get the plastic thing in the right place. Really hurt as well. Not a pleasant experience having three women looking up your vegetable patch, that's for sure. 

The embyros they put back had grown to 8 cell. There were two others to choose from, one was 8 cell the other was 9 cell but there was 'more fragmentation' on those ones. They will look at them over the next couple of days and if they are good enough they will freeze them. Not holding my breath, though.

So, out of 12 eggs it seems only 2 were stand out good enough to be transferred. That makes me feel like maybe it IS something wrong with my eggs and that is why I never conceived, and that is a terrifying thought, to me. 

She said the cells are evenly sized and they are 'very nice' and that they were the two that would give the best chance of pregnancy. "That doesn't necessarily mean that they will, but those were the two best options."

It just all feels so very negative right now 

:(


----------



## CareBear

Please try not to feel too negative, I know its hard though and I really really hope this works for you :hugs:


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## Pippin

Aww hon sorry you still feel down but just think you have 2 good emby's on board right now and you have a very good chance that they are going to grow into little babies, plus two that could be frozen. Please stay positive and get that amazing humour of yours to kick in and keep you positive. :hugs:


----------



## CurlySue

Thanks, Pippin. I just feel like I have fallen from a great height, really. From a perfect response, a 12 egg collection to only TWO worth transferring? It's just scary. 

The stupid thing is, I am a sucker, a masochist, a bit of a tw*t actually when it comes to stuff like this. I start looking things up that make no sense to me. 

She said "these two stood out because the others were less even and more fragmented" - so, I start asking myself, does that mean the two inside of me are fragmented? I look it up and it says "fragmented embryos have little chance of implantation."

So now I am tearing my hair out. This was supposed to be a *happy* day. I'm sure I'll get over this but everywhere I look it seems to tell me "you lose, sucker!"

I suppose i can only move upwards from here. There are two possible babies in there. I'll take as good care of them as I can and hope for the best!


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## MrsF

thinking of you hun, big hugs x x x x


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## Pippin

Oh hon I can only guess at your worry but I do know how it feels to be constantly worried about my bean. Those first few weeks were agony and constant knicker checking and twinge worrying hasn't stopped for me even now. I still worry night and day, it's the not knowing at the start that really pissed me off and the fact there is nothing we can do about it. It's that nasty thing called 'Time' that can only help our stress. What horrid person invented that one huh!

Not sure what she means by 'fragmented' either as I have little first hand experience of IVF (my SIL and close friend went through it) but I feel your disappointment going from so high to only getting 2 (hopefully 4). I still have hope the other two will be good enough to freeze then you have piece of mind they are there if these two don't settle. Think positive though, I know it's hard, but have faith that these two will work. 

What have you got planned to get you through the next two weeks? Some nice things I hope? :hugs: No more googling I hope, it's a killer!!!!!


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## Pippin

Just read this: 

_Fragmentation in human embryos is quite common and many beautiful babies have resulted from implantation of embryos with fragments._

Hope that makes you feel better. x

*Added edit*: Please tell me if this isn't helping but also found this (figured I was allowed to google) and this to me sounds just like what you have described. 8 cells, slightly fragmented but they say it's classed as high quality at the same transfer day as you:

_A slightly fragmented 8-cell embryo
Assisted hatching is being performed
The holding pipette is on the far left
A sperm is clearly visible at 7 o'clock (this sperm lost the race)
This embryo is high quality because it has an optimal cell number, the cells are fairly regular in size, and there is minimal fragmentation. Embryo grading: 8 cell, grade 3_
 



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## toby2

(((((((((Sue))))))))) what a day for you, this whole thing is such a rollercoaster for you and with all the counting,measuring etc that is going on it must be so hard not to start measuring yourself-STEP AWAY FROM GOOGLE!!!
Two days ago all you wanted in the world was two good eggs on board and that is what you have, without even having to worry about asking!I am so like you and second guess everything the medical profession do but try not to read more in to what you have been told than what they have actually said
I really hope i am not comming across as patronizing, def not my intention and i have no experience of what you are going through but i just wish you and your eggs on board all the best in the world, rest up and go easy on yourself, you are doing an amazing thing-your eggs have done what they needed to for now-dont know if it is usful but friend had a very similar result to you-two 8cell eggs on board and two they may freeze on sat depending on what they do
xxxxx


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## CurlySue

Thanks girls. I know, this is all I wanted, the two embryos, but, to be honest, what I wanted was for them to say "We are only transferring one because it is as perfect an embryo as you can get and we are fully confident of it implanting" - wanted to have to ASK for two. Instead, I get her phoning and offering two, which set my mind ticking, thinking back to the info evening when they said "be grateful if they offer to transfer a single embryo because in this case they believe that one is better than two."

I don't know what it was. She just *seemed* negative. The way she phrased things, the way she said them, it wasn't like she was offering hope. It's like she was trying to downplay everything and take away any hope I had. Reminded me of teachers in school who know you are not going to get an A and try to soften the blow by saying "just do your best, it's okay if you fail." 

I'm just kicking myself for getting my hopes up really. I always said all along that I wouldn't do that. I started being stupid and thinking up names. Imagining prams in my hallway. Trying to decorate the back room in my head. I should never have done that. 

Ai hate being this negative and upset. My embryos might feel that. I wonder if they are still dividing in there. Won't be able to stop wondering...

If she hadn't fucking mentioned fragmentation I would be fine. But she did, so I feel rubbish, now. OH seems to think she said these embryos had "little to no fragmentation" but I recall differently. I recall her saying that the others were "more fragmented" ...

He's just in denial, I think. Sod.


----------



## toby2

Its so tough, i always have someone with me when i visit dr's etc for important stuff cause its almost impossible to hear what they actually say when its something so important to you-do you think you could ring and talk to someone in the morning so you can have the facts to deal with?mybe they can explain what they meant a bit futher?
You are not stupid to get your hopes up, hope is what keeps us going through all this stuff-as someone once said to me , not hoping or dreaming isnt going to make bad news easier to hear.
Do you know what ?I wish they had said you had grown the most perfect egg in the world to but you know what evasive *******s they are-they wouldnt tell you if you had the best looking egg in the world so they could cover their arses!!!
Am just going to keep telling you it till you are bored of hearing and beg me to stop-you are an amazing strong woman to get where you are and your eggs did what they needed too(((((()))))


----------



## maz

Hi CS

I know exactly how you're feeling right now. We went from 11 eggs down to two fairly good embryos on ET day during our first cycle, and from 14 eggs to 2 embryos on our second cycle. 

At our private clinic, they graded the embryos from 1 to 4 - 1 being no fragmentation, 2 having up to 25% fragmentation, and 3 and 4 with more fragmentation and no real chance of implantation. It is very rare apparently to have grade 1 embryos - nearly all embryos have some slight fragmentation, and the clinic we went to said that the vast majority of their pregnancies come from grade 2 embryos. Our first cycle we had a grade 1 and a good grade 2 embryo. Second time we had two grade 2s.

Try not to worry - and I do realise that is easier said than done. I know what it's like. You try not to get too excited. You try not to get too far ahead of yourself. You try to keep your feet on the ground. But it is hard. All we long for is to get our positive result, our baby, our pushchair in the hall, and the carseat on the backseat. We made the mistake of naming our embryos first time round. We called them Alfie and Jasmine. When we got our :bfp: we carried on calling them Alfie and/or Jasmine, and then we lost it/them. Second time round, I wasn't anywhere near as confident about the cycle. I think I knew from the day after EC that it wasn't going to work - intuition I think.

Maybe the nurse you were speaking to today is trying purposely not to get your hopes up. Perhaps that's what she's like with everyone she sees. Try and rest, stay as relaxed and calm as possible, and be nice to yourself. Do you have any relaxation CDs?

:hug:


----------



## CurlySue

Hi Maz. Toby. Etc. Sorry for being a flaky bitch.

Its just such a let down isnt it? You go from one extreme to another. You think, "I did so well" and then you realise maybe not so well after all. 

I don't know what the grades were. She didn't say. I wonder if she purposely didn't say because they were 3 or 4. Maybe the one that stuck for you was your Grade 1 embryo, Maz. You'll probably never know. But I, like you, have that 'feeling', that intuition. I feel, now, that it's not going to work. I've felt it wasn't going to work since years before I even start trying. I can imagine a child in my living room no more now than I could at fifteen. Shit, but true. 

No relaxation CDs. Going to go to bed and watch Desperate Housewives or something. Anything to take my mind off this. I keep telling myself this is supposed to be a happy time but i just don't feel happy. I don't feel like there is anything inside of me at all.


----------



## Lyns

Jeez, hunny....Happy time? Its a bloody rollercoaster! I'm not in the slightest bit surprised you feel up and down.....it's crap you've ended up having to go through this, as opposed to the old 'boy meets girl and happily ever after crap', never mind anything else.

Please just try and get a good night's sleep...rest is only gonna help everything, huh? And remember the 'potential' you have on board :hugs:

I really couldn't be sending you more luck if I tried! xxxxx


----------



## Lilly123

oh honey... try and focus on the positive, I know it must be hard. I also sometimes think my ICSI wont work and I havent even really started yet... but I think we are so used to all the let downs it is the way we protect ourselves... I definitely think you have a good chance... try and relax and look aftêr those little embies growing inside.. try some visualisation.... you should get a IVF relaxation CD.. it helps me


Good luck hun and Fx! I will be stalking u to see your :bfp: and tell u , told u so :hugs:


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## Farie

:hug:


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## maz

Remember a few days ago I said try and hold on to the positivity you were feeling then ... because it's for this time now that you need it. This 2WW is far worse than any other for lots of reasons. Your body has more hormones than normal floating around it. As far as the experts can tell at this stage, you have two normally developing embryos in your uterus - which is the closest you've come to being pregnant. You want more than anything else, for a positive outcome at the end. But the thing that I found hardest to deal with, is the total lack of control. No matter what you do, what you eat, what you think, or what you say, you have no control over the end result. 

The best thing you can do for yourself at this hellish time, is to keep your mind occupied. I won't tell you to relax, because you can't. But you can try and distract yourself for an hour or so everyday. Even if you just watch a pants film or a comedy programme - anything to distract you for an hour or so.

Good luck hun.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you.

:hug:


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## CurlySue

Thanks all, again. I do sometimes need to be shaken. I know you are all right and I know this should be a happy, momentous time but it's already Hellish. Maz, you were not wrong. I actually wish the positive attitude had stayed. It never stays long with self-doubting little me, though.

My OH's little brother Chris lost his dad this morning. Chris is seven. His dad was forty-one. Died in his sleep after a horrendous rapid-battle with cancer that left him blind and paralysed. He got married two days ago to his second wife. She's a widow, now, and Chris has lost his father. 

Part of me feels that these two little embryos might be some kind of a silver lining for Chris and, if they grow, they can give him something to look forward to. I know that's probably unrealistic, and it might even be detrimental to my own mind, but at least it makes me feel positive. It makes me feel like something good could come, that little Xavi and Iniesta (as OH has now named them somewhat stupidly) might grow and form and actually make this little moment of doubt seem like a distant moment of stupidity.

Had a good cry this morning both for Chris' dad and for all of this. Sometimes a blowout is needed. Now I worry, I worry that 'they' know I am crying because in some way I am less than pleased with them, like I am becoming a pushy mother before the babies are even born or formed. 

I'm going to try to stay positive only because today I was reminded just how hit and miss life can be. It's so hard, though, it really is.


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## toby2

hope your day has been ok-sad news about you oh brother and his dad
take care of yourself and dont worry about the crying, apparently its only long term stress that can effect them when they are inside you growing-i looked this up myself after a bad week!
chin up, one more day gone now-think your honesty must be a relief to others who have or will feel the same as you at this time
xxx


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## CurlySue

Thanks Toby. No real point in being in denial, is there? I feel a little better today. Better than yesterday, that is. I think that mini cry did me good, even if it wasn't anything to do with Xavi and Iniesta dancing around inside of me. Just felt good to 'release' that, so to speak. 

The way I see it now, it's out of my hands. What will be will be. It'd be nice to think that I could do something to make it better but there's nothing. Can only wait and hope. Perhaps not hope TOO much, though...


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## maz

I'm sorry to hear about your OH's little brother and his dad ... that must be awful for you all. Poor wee boy. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better than yesterday. Fingers crossed you'll have a celebration in a couple of weeks. When are you scheduled to test? Is it a blood test or the usual POAS test?


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## CurlySue

maz said:


> I'm sorry to hear about your OH's little brother and his dad ... that must be awful for you all. Poor wee boy. Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better than yesterday. Fingers crossed you'll have a celebration in a couple of weeks. When are you scheduled to test? Is it a blood test or the usual POAS test?

Tis horrible that he lost his dad so young. Was just so weird. The text we got from J's mum said "Michael passed away at 4am this morning peacefully in his sleep." She NEVER called him Michael. It was always Mike. Sounded strange hearing him called by his full name! 

They told me to POAS a week on Wednesday and then phone them with the result. If it's good, they schedule follow up. Bad? The same. Follow up, with counselling if needed. Horrendous, though, aint it? You'd know, obviously. You've done this twice. I pity anyone who has to do this eight or nine times. Would not have the mental strength. Weedy, I am. 

:hug:


----------



## CareBear

Glad you're feeling a little better, sorry about OH's brother's dad


----------



## toby2

morning lovely lady, hope you are having a better day again today
xxx


----------



## CurlySue

Mornin' Toby. Can't seem to sleep in to save my life, but we are going to see Transformers today and I am stupidly excited about that. I think I have 'successfully detached' myself again which is probably the best bet. I'd like to connect with the little embryos, obviously, but I can't so I won't try any more. 

Now, going on another thread, it seems that someone else got completely different treatment to me at the very same hospital and that is driving me mad because its eems unreal, doesn't make sense and I am just utterly confused as to why they would essentially lie to me, but that's another matter entirely...

Hope you are doing good, my dear. Am craving popcorn but it won't be long before can buy some. Obviously going to overdose on pick and mix as well. What's a trip to the cinema but an overexpensive day out, eh?


----------



## CurlySue

Ah I am giving up for awhile, I think, taking a break from B&B. It's driving me mad. I'm sick of hearing stories that do not compare to mine and wondering why things are different for them, etc, and I think it's all just driving me mad. 

Not good for my sanity, this place, these days!!!!!!


----------



## maz

Sorry you're having a tough time CS. Like you, I felt I needed a break from BnB for a while. I got fed up seeing loads of :bfp:s when mine just didn't seem to be any closer, and I didn't feel that in my emotionally unbalanced state, I'd be very inspirational for anyone or be able to offer any positive or constructive advice.

What you said about going through IVF more than once ... Anyone that gets their :bfp: on their first cycle of IVF should count themselves extremely lucky. In my opinion and experience, the first cycle is all new and exciting - after that it's just awful - not exciting, not positive, not hopeful, and certainly not blissful ignorance ... Hopefully you won't need to find that out. Like you I don't think I could do it 8 or 9 times - even if I could afford it, I don't think my nerves or finger nails would allow it.

:hug:


----------



## chocci

Hey hun, try get some positivity going X 

I know exactly how you are feeling as the worst part of IVF / ICSi is defo the 2ww! I think partly because you can do no more, it will either work or it won't so your in limbo which makes your mind play hell with you! Up and down emotions, googling crap, crying, worrying...........its not worth it! 

This is your first IVF yes? I think that makes it worse, you have been through the mill these last few weeks and now it starts to catch up with you. I also think the progestrone is the worst part of the treatment as it gives strange symptoms, cramping, twinges and general discomfort which make you switch from thinking oh no AF here and ooooooooo could i be preggers! ITS MADNESS!! Best thing you can do is try keep your self occupied and DONT do what i did and sit looking everything up on google and then crying if it was not what i wanted to read, there is so much out there on the internet and most of it is CRAP from people who know absolutely nothing and talk shit!! I mean for instance people go on about having symptoms just a few days after ovualtion which drives me mad because its not really possible as you know!!! People like that send people like you an I crazy thinking oh no i have not got any symptoms, oh no they had this and they had that and i havent!!! Mate, you will not know until the day you do your test unfortunately so ignore your body until then! 

Also stop fretting about the embies! I was told by the embriologist that MANY great looking embies do not take and many POOR embies do! They basically have NO idea what a baby making embie looks like they just use the ones they THINK look the best! MANY babies are born from what they thought were lesser quality embies and in my case apparently mine was TOP quality and it did not work! 

We all just need a bit of luck in this part of the cycle and what will be will be........ if them embies are ment to be they will and if not they are not for a reason BUT we will get our babies eventually mate thats what i am sure of........ thinking of you! XX


----------



## moxie08

chocci said:


> I mean for instance people go on about having symptoms just a few days after ovualtion which drives me mad because its not really possible as you know!!!

Technically this isn't entirely true. There's a reason why pregnancy is measured from the start of the cycle -- your last known period. Everything up to the point of birth, including pre-conception, is critical to the viability of that birth. Someone who feels 'different' a day past ovulation really does have a better chance of being pregnant.

I'm not advocating obsessing about every symptom from day 1, as the stress does no one any good, but there is actual evidence to show retrospectively that those cycles which resulted in successful conceptions had _different _symptoms well before implantation. 

There is no evidence to suggest why, but we do know that hormone levels vary with every woman. Perhaps this time it varied to the point where it made pregnancy that much more possible. =) It's what we all hope for, isn't it?


----------



## chocci

moxie08 said:


> chocci said:
> 
> 
> I mean for instance people go on about having symptoms just a few days after ovualtion which drives me mad because its not really possible as you know!!!
> 
> Technically this isn't entirely true. There's a reason why pregnancy is measured from the start of the cycle -- your last known period. Everything up to the point of birth, including pre-conception, is critical to the viability of that birth. Someone who feels 'different' a day past ovulation really does have a better chance of being pregnant.
> 
> I'm not advocating obsessing about every symptom from day 1, as the stress does no one any good, but there is actual evidence to show retrospectively that those cycles which resulted in successful conceptions had _different _symptoms well before implantation.
> 
> There is no evidence to suggest why, but we do know that hormone levels vary with every woman. Perhaps this time it varied to the point where it made pregnancy that much more possible. =) It's what we all hope for, isn't it?Click to expand...

Not sure i agree. The vast majority of pregnancy "symptoms" such as sore boobs, darkening of areolas, and sickness which people do go on about are 99% not possible before the missed period. I have read for example many people obsess about suddenly their boobs hurting or areolas darkening and they are only 2 days past ovulation. Darkening areolas is NOT possible before about 6 weeks!!! At the end of the day until implantation HCG levels which are the cause of symptoms do not rise enough for the majority of symptoms until after a missed period. Implantation being earliest day 6 latest day 10! HCG is not released until implantation. Your body DOES NOT know its even slightly pregnant until this hormone is released! It has to build up to significant amounts for you to experience anything and this takes days. In case of multiples it can be quicker as there are 2 placentas releasing more hormone. I had a long dicsussion about this with the consultant and some of the nurses. I quote one of the nurses said pregancy symptoms before a missed period are the vast majority of time psycological. All i am saying is there are many people on these boards especially the TTC boards who have no idea how pregnancy works. This causes anxiety for others who think since they have not had any symptoms they must NOT be pregnant. That anxiety is dangerous!



moxie08 said:


> Technically this isn't entirely true. There's a reason why pregnancy is measured from the start of the cycle -- your last known period. Everything up to the point of birth, including pre-conception, is critical to the viability of that birth. Someone who feels 'different' a day past ovulation really does have a better chance of being pregnant.

Your statment above is true yes pregnancy is measured from the start of the month - but why do you think you would have symptoms before HCG has even entered your body??? Scientifically the statement has no truth.


----------



## CurlySue

maz said:


> Sorry you're having a tough time CS. Like you, I felt I needed a break from BnB for a while. I got fed up seeing loads of :bfp:s when mine just didn't seem to be any closer, and I didn't feel that in my emotionally unbalanced state, I'd be very inspirational for anyone or be able to offer any positive or constructive advice.
> 
> What you said about going through IVF more than once ... Anyone that gets their :bfp: on their first cycle of IVF should count themselves extremely lucky. In my opinion and experience, the first cycle is all new and exciting - after that it's just awful - not exciting, not positive, not hopeful, and certainly not blissful ignorance ... Hopefully you won't need to find that out. Like you I don't think I could do it 8 or 9 times - even if I could afford it, I don't think my nerves or finger nails would allow it.
> 
> :hug:

I couldn't stay away. Something was peaking my interest and if nothing else its taking my mind off looking up 3dp3dt symptoms, which is utterly ridiculous since there would be none. 

Did you get the feeling it was your eggs that was the problem? If that IS the case then I'm fcuked because I just don't know if I could do donor eggs. I thought I could but now I'm in this position I don't think I could go through with it. I couldn't go through this 8 or 9 times either. I think that if this fails (which I think it will) I will do the one more free try. I might do one self funded try and then I'm calling it a day. None of mine were even good enough to freeze, it seems, and that just makes me feel shite. 

Horrible thing we have to go through. And seeing these "BFP First Month of Trying" people just makes it even worse. 

There's no justice is there?

(great, now I have Lemar in my head)


----------



## CurlySue

chocci said:


> Hey hun, try get some positivity going X
> 
> I know exactly how you are feeling as the worst part of IVF / ICSi is defo the 2ww! I think partly because you can do no more, it will either work or it won't so your in limbo which makes your mind play hell with you! Up and down emotions, googling crap, crying, worrying...........its not worth it!
> 
> This is your first IVF yes? I think that makes it worse, you have been through the mill these last few weeks and now it starts to catch up with you. I also think the progestrone is the worst part of the treatment as it gives strange symptoms, cramping, twinges and general discomfort which make you switch from thinking oh no AF here and ooooooooo could i be preggers! ITS MADNESS!! Best thing you can do is try keep your self occupied and DONT do what i did and sit looking everything up on google and then crying if it was not what i wanted to read, there is so much out there on the internet and most of it is CRAP from people who know absolutely nothing and talk shit!! I mean for instance people go on about having symptoms just a few days after ovualtion which drives me mad because its not really possible as you know!!! People like that send people like you an I crazy thinking oh no i have not got any symptoms, oh no they had this and they had that and i havent!!! Mate, you will not know until the day you do your test unfortunately so ignore your body until then!
> 
> Also stop fretting about the embies! I was told by the embriologist that MANY great looking embies do not take and many POOR embies do! They basically have NO idea what a baby making embie looks like they just use the ones they THINK look the best! MANY babies are born from what they thought were lesser quality embies and in my case apparently mine was TOP quality and it did not work!
> 
> We all just need a bit of luck in this part of the cycle and what will be will be........ if them embies are ment to be they will and if not they are not for a reason BUT we will get our babies eventually mate thats what i am sure of........ thinking of you! XX

I know what you mean. It's just...I've never really had much luck. I know sometimes that can change but I've never been one of those Four Leaf Clover types. 

xxxx 

Ours will be the most beautiful, won't they?


----------



## CurlySue

moxie08 said:


> chocci said:
> 
> 
> I mean for instance people go on about having symptoms just a few days after ovualtion which drives me mad because its not really possible as you know!!!
> 
> Technically this isn't entirely true. There's a reason why pregnancy is measured from the start of the cycle -- your last known period. Everything up to the point of birth, including pre-conception, is critical to the viability of that birth. Someone who feels 'different' a day past ovulation really does have a better chance of being pregnant.
> 
> I'm not advocating obsessing about every symptom from day 1, as the stress does no one any good, but there is actual evidence to show retrospectively that those cycles which resulted in successful conceptions had _different _symptoms well before implantation.
> 
> There is no evidence to suggest why, but we do know that hormone levels vary with every woman. Perhaps this time it varied to the point where it made pregnancy that much more possible. =) It's what we all hope for, isn't it?Click to expand...

I have to agree with Chocci on this one. There are people who say "I got a BFP 3dpo" - it's simply not possible. At 3dpo your embryo is 8 cells. It does not reach the blastocyst stage until 5 dpo. It cannot implant into your womb until it is a hatched blastocyst. The pregnancy hormone is not detected in the blood stream until after the embryo has attached itself to the womb lining. 

People who say "I knew I was pregnant the day after I ovulated" might have had some human intuition, yes, but physically? They were not pregnant at that stage. They had an embryo but they did not have a pregnancy. Likewise, symptom spotting from 1dpo is utterly pointless because whilst you might have a hormonal shift, that is possible even when NOT pregnant. 

I go with science. And, since embarking upon IVF it means a whole lot more to me than it did before. I realise, now, that all that symptom watching I used to do at little more than 2dpo was pointless since it was nothing more than a cell in the fallopian tube at that point. 

I, for one, am unhealthy in my obsessive need to know what's going on. I need to step away from it because it eats me up and gives me panic. The thing I am saying to myself now is that I am 3dp3dt, the equivalent of around 6dpo. If this were a normal cycle I'd have no symptoms, so why would I have them now?


----------



## chocci

Hun I agree, and as i have said before there is so much SHIT on the itnernet its untrue. When i look things up no i tend to read the science papers, and leve forums alone. So much ignorance about fertility all over the internet its unreal. Until last November i too was totally ignorant, but going through this, and due to the type of person i am, i have educated myself as to what is going on in my body, my hubbies body, through conception to delivery (if i ever make that haha) Take what you read with a pinch of salt, most of its tripe! The only thing that can tell you you are pregnant is a missed period and a positive test :) Which makes me realise god was a man!!! If it was a women she would have made some big green dot appear in the center of our foreheads to tell us we had concieved!! haha.......... on the other hand if there was a god at all my lovely caring hubby would be fertile and all the chavs i see having babies would be sterile!!! 

xx


----------



## moxie08

The logic of my statement is really quite simple. Chemically speaking, the stage is set for a viable pregnancy well before fertilization. It needs to be, because so many timings and thresholds, if not adequately met, result eventually in menstruation. 

Many women experience variation/change in their cycles naturally. It's not difficult to appreciate that some cycles have more potential for a viable pregnancy than others. For example: your most fertile cervical mucus should appear before and during ovulation so that the enough sperm can travel into your tubes and prepare themselves chemically for the arrival of the egg. Then the fertilized egg has a luxury cruise down a hopefully clear fallopian tube. That's the easy part when you consider what a small, small window of time (and chemicals) implantation really is. Those precious little cells are toast unless your lining is just right -- and forget about the lining if the fertilized egg hasn't started producing enough chemicals to rescue the corpus luteum and prevent you from rejecting these foreign cells. 

Just enough of a difference in your estrogen and progesterone levels this cycle over the previous might make implantation a success.* It also might be a difference you physically notice.* They may not be side effects of baby due in 9 months, but they are certainly significant indicators of _improved chances_ of having a baby due in 9 months. <--- from established, scientific evidence.

I'm sure anyone who has experienced chemical pregnancies and miscarriages can attest quite clearly that any symptom at any stage still does not guarantee you a healthy baby at the end of it. So unless noticing every little change in your body gives you a good deal of hope and happiness, I do agree that most people are better off being patient.


----------



## Pippin

Hope you don't mind me chipping in here CurlySue (again she says) as for symptoms early on I agree there is a lot of hype about symptom spotting but the only thing I felt, and I really did feel it was my boobs at 10dpo they really, really hurt (which is what prompted me to test). I had other symptoms around the same time (very cold and snotty) but seriously I think most of it is coincidence but the boobs they were real and for most women that really is the first thing you feel before AF is due. I thought I hadn't been lucky that month as I had no 'symptoms' but there is truth in some, I promise, just not that early on (0-9dpo for me) but can be before period is due. Hope that gives a different perspective.

Anyway still doing all the positive thoughts and vibes for you. Hope you enjoyed transformers. x


----------



## Lilly123

Good luck hun - thinking of u... xxxxx


----------



## maz

CurlySue said:


> maz said:
> 
> 
> Sorry you're having a tough time CS. Like you, I felt I needed a break from BnB for a while. I got fed up seeing loads of :bfp:s when mine just didn't seem to be any closer, and I didn't feel that in my emotionally unbalanced state, I'd be very inspirational for anyone or be able to offer any positive or constructive advice.
> 
> What you said about going through IVF more than once ... Anyone that gets their :bfp: on their first cycle of IVF should count themselves extremely lucky. In my opinion and experience, the first cycle is all new and exciting - after that it's just awful - not exciting, not positive, not hopeful, and certainly not blissful ignorance ... Hopefully you won't need to find that out. Like you I don't think I could do it 8 or 9 times - even if I could afford it, I don't think my nerves or finger nails would allow it.
> 
> :hug:
> 
> I couldn't stay away. Something was peaking my interest and if nothing else its taking my mind off looking up 3dp3dt symptoms, which is utterly ridiculous since there would be none.
> 
> Did you get the feeling it was your eggs that was the problem? If that IS the case then I'm fcuked because I just don't know if I could do donor eggs. I thought I could but now I'm in this position I don't think I could go through with it. I couldn't go through this 8 or 9 times either. I think that if this fails (which I think it will) I will do the one more free try. I might do one self funded try and then I'm calling it a day. None of mine were even good enough to freeze, it seems, and that just makes me feel shite.
> 
> Horrible thing we have to go through. And seeing these "BFP First Month of Trying" people just makes it even worse.
> 
> There's no justice is there?
> 
> (great, now I have Lemar in my head)Click to expand...


I didn't have any embryos suitable for freezing either - from both cycles. I don't know if there is a problem with my eggs. On our first cycle we had 11 eggs collected, 8 fertilised, although only 4 fertilised normally, and we got 2 embryos put back. On our second cycle, we had 14 eggs collected, 9 fertilised, but only 3 fertilised normally, with 2 embryos put back. Something in the back of my mind tells me there could be a problem with my eggs. I've not really had any quality checks done on my eggs - only quantity checks. So who knows? If our NHS cycle doesn't work, I'm considering going to Care in Manchester and having further screening done - where I'm getting the money from I don't quite know yet, but we'll work that out if need be ...

I'm with you on the 'I got my :bfp: first month of trying and now I'm scared' shite. Hubby's cousin got pregnant her first month of trying and talks about how horrendous her pregnancy was and how she doesn't think she could go through that again. Yada yada yada. I don't care how horrendous my MoSi is, how tired I am, or if I have back pain ... I'll still bloody well enjoy it and not take it for granted ...

Rant over!!

How you feeling at the moment? How's the progesterone affecting you?

:hug:


----------



## chocci

hey Maz, try not to worry about eggs, if there were any issues i woulda thought they would have noticed already, i mean they look at them daily through a microscope and can usually tell if they look less than surley? Though i have to admit i am no expert. How is your hubbies sperm? Does he have any morpology issues, see i say this since my hubby does and we were warned they can only choose sperm that looks good for icsi and there is no garuantee the sperm is good, the sperm is usually the cause of poor fertilisation and i think that is why i only got a 55% fertilisation rate which is crap really but considering the sperm issues we have we did well. Sometimes hte drugs taken in cycles can also affect egg quality you know, remember all them drugs cant help sometimes. try not to stress hun X


----------



## MrsJD

Hi CurlySue,

Well read this thread and now understand, well kind of, where you are with things!

Just wanted to say, GOOD LUCK!

:hug:

XXXX


----------



## maz

chocci said:


> hey Maz, try not to worry about eggs, if there were any issues i woulda thought they would have noticed already, i mean they look at them daily through a microscope and can usually tell if they look less than surley? Though i have to admit i am no expert. How is your hubbies sperm? Does he have any morpology issues, see i say this since my hubby does and we were warned they can only choose sperm that looks good for icsi and there is no garuantee the sperm is good, the sperm is usually the cause of poor fertilisation and i think that is why i only got a 55% fertilisation rate which is crap really but considering the sperm issues we have we did well. Sometimes hte drugs taken in cycles can also affect egg quality you know, remember all them drugs cant help sometimes. try not to stress hun X

Hi chocci

Hubby's swimmers are perfect apparently - no probs with volume, no probs with motility, and no probs with morphology. We didn't need to do ICSI although I'm wondering if it might help us obtain a better fertilisation rate. My fertilisation rate is extremely poor - Cycle 1 36% and cycle 2 21%. The few that do fertilise normally tend to grow until Day 3 at least, but we have a really poor fertilisation rate at Day 1. My FS said my clinic has an average fertilisation rate of above 50% normally fertilised at Day 1, which is why I'm wondering if there maybe is something wrong with my eggs ... perhaps something genetic that obviously can't be seen just by looking at the eggs ... Who knows? Hopefully we'll be pregnant, and stay pregnant on cycle 3 and then not have to worry about it ...


----------



## chocci

Arh right IC. I reakon ICSI probably would help but again i am no expert, its worth asking though :) At the end of the day its only about £700 or so more on top of a normal IVF cycle so neither here nor there when your paying the £3500 or so for a cycle anyway I suppose! I hope everything works out for you though hun XX


----------



## Farie

:hug:


----------



## CurlySue

Pippin said:


> Hope you don't mind me chipping in here CurlySue (again she says) as for symptoms early on I agree there is a lot of hype about symptom spotting but the only thing I felt, and I really did feel it was my boobs at 10dpo they really, really hurt (which is what prompted me to test). I had other symptoms around the same time (very cold and snotty) but seriously I think most of it is coincidence but the boobs they were real and for most women that really is the first thing you feel before AF is due. I thought I hadn't been lucky that month as I had no 'symptoms' but there is truth in some, I promise, just not that early on (0-9dpo for me) but can be before period is due. Hope that gives a different perspective.
> 
> Anyway still doing all the positive thoughts and vibes for you. Hope you enjoyed transformers. x

9 and 10dpo I understand, the embryo has implanted by then and the HCG is being released. It makes sense. What I DONT believe in is those that say they feel symptoms from 1dpo. That's shite. Sorry, but it is. Genetically predisposed to pregnancy or not, you are not pregnant at 1dpo. Your egg is fertilising, yes, but that's it. It's just a fertilised egg, nothing more. It's why hospitals whilst doing IVF wait until day 3 at least before freezing because at day 1 (or 1dpo) it's nothing but that. A fertilised egg. Might not even have started dividing at that stage.

At 9dpo, it might've been implanted in your uterus for 2 days already. The pregnancy hormone would be working its way around at that stage and symptoms might be setting in. You could get a positive test at this stage.


----------



## toby2

hello there, just dropping by to cheer you on...\\:D/\\:D/:serenade::serenade::dance::dance:


----------



## CurlySue

> I didn't have any embryos suitable for freezing either - from both cycles. I don't know if there is a problem with my eggs. On our first cycle we had 11 eggs collected, 8 fertilised, although only 4 fertilised normally, and we got 2 embryos put back. On our second cycle, we had 14 eggs collected, 9 fertilised, but only 3 fertilised normally, with 2 embryos put back. Something in the back of my mind tells me there could be a problem with my eggs. I've not really had any quality checks done on my eggs - only quantity checks. So who knows? If our NHS cycle doesn't work, I'm considering going to Care in Manchester and having further screening done - where I'm getting the money from I don't quite know yet, but we'll work that out if need be ...
> 
> I'm with you on the 'I got my :bfp: first month of trying and now I'm scared' shite. Hubby's cousin got pregnant her first month of trying and talks about how horrendous her pregnancy was and how she doesn't think she could go through that again. Yada yada yada. I don't care how horrendous my MoSi is, how tired I am, or if I have back pain ... I'll still bloody well enjoy it and not take it for granted ...
> 
> Rant over!!
> 
> How you feeling at the moment? How's the progesterone affecting you?
> 
> :hug:

You have all these expectations, don't you? "If I get 10 eggs fertilised, that's 2 for transfer and 8 for freezing. That's 4 more goes before another collection." How shite, then, when that doesn't happen at all! I still don't know what happened to my 8 and 9 cell embryos that were going to be observed. They say they're going to send me a letter to tell me "their fate" (her poor choice of words). Why not just phone me? Surely that's more human? Sorry, the letter might say, your embryos were shit and died. Could a human being not tell me that, rather than a letter through the door?

Mine is very similar to yours. Fertilisation rate compared to acceptable embryos, it's very poor. I have the same thought in the back of my mind. Do you think to yourself "I could have been pregnant time and time again only the embryos did not divide"? That is what I keep thinking. 

I'd go through the shittest pregnancy there was if I got a baby at the end of it and you know what? I would not complain once. Sickness? Fine. Not drinking? Fine. I can't stand these people who complain about not being able to have a glass of wine whilst rubbing their swollen belly. 

I feel okay. Not too hopeful, but I never did. I'm trying to get this Positive Thinking down to a T but I find it very difficult. I just have this worrisome intuituion thing going on.

Randomly, when did your trigger shot come out of your system? Did you do cheapie tests to make sure it was gone?

:hug:


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> hello there, just dropping by to cheer you on...\\:D/\\:D/:serenade::serenade::dance::dance:

Hi there. Got your email. Was about to reply to it <3333 

Hope you had a good day.


----------



## toby2

thats ok, whenever is fine-day was good ta
what are your distraction plans today?was transformers any good?


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> thats ok, whenever is fine-day was good ta
> what are your distraction plans today?was transformers any good?

Plans for today? Hmm. Shopping list. Watch Jeremy Kyle. Not convince myself that every cramp is implantation and not progesterone. Make cakes, maybe, when I go shopping for ingredients. Listen to Blue Man Group. Laze around. Laze around some more. Maybe a bit more. Try hypnosis CD one more time to see if I can get past the fact that I question everything it says. 

Y'know, the usual.

Transformers was quite good. Quite funny. Wish there was some eye candy in it though. The main bloke is a show and so was his little mate. It's unfair that the blokes get female eye candy and we get some little big nosed wimp thing.


----------



## toby2

:rofl: at big nosed wimp thing
plans sound good, especially the cake one!


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> :rofl: at big nosed wimp thing
> plans sound good, especially the cake one!

Surely there are better looking 'leading men' than him? Then again, the only decent looking celebrities these days play sports!!! 

Going to make cup cakes I think. So much for eating healthy. The Toffee Crisps (Xavi and Iniesta) might want cup cakes.


----------



## toby2

See, now thats what i call pma!!!of course they want cupcakes-its exactly what they need!!!


----------



## CurlySue

God, it can only last so long, can't it, the PMA? I just got an email off working asking if I moved mountains before I went off for 2 weeks. 

"She wants to know if, when you booked these visits, you requested that a laptop be taken in at the same time?"

Considering I booked these visits a week and a half ago, left a note for somebody else to request authorities for a laptop to be taken in, why would I have? They ignore requests for authorisation unless you send them in closer to the time. I can just imagine a certain person in the office now. 

"I TOLD her to do this and she hasn't done it."

Yeah, because I couldn't, at the time. 

Tell me now, why am I worrying about this? Why am I getting in a panic about this?


----------



## toby2

Because you are a responsible kinda girl but stuff them and ignore the email, they shouldnt really be contacting you and there is nothing you can do about it anyway-pah dont they know you have cakes to bake????and toffee crisps!;)
xx


----------



## maz

Hey CS

I do sometimes think of those times when AF was 12 hours later than normal and wonder if I had managed to conceive but then lost it ... But then I just have to remove that thought from my mind or I'd be in the local nuthouse.

Hope you're enjoying JK ... Are you one of those people that shouts at the numpties that appear on his show, and call them trollops, imbeciles, or wankers at the top of your voice? I only ask because my BIL's fiancee does that - she then says the programme winds her up. So of course me being me, I ask why she bothers watching something that irritates her so much?

Anyhoo, I'm going to go make some scrambled eggs for tea ... yum yum


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> Randomly, when did your trigger shot come out of your system? Did you do cheapie tests to make sure it was gone?
> 
> :hug:

Hey Chic

I read somewhere that it can take up to 14 days for the HCG trigger to come out of system bu all depends on how much you took. Seem to rememebr i had a dose of 5000mi and that that takes 10 days if you have 10000 its up to a full 14days. Do you know how much you took as it is on the internet somewhere if you know your does? I read something like a day for every 1000mi....dont quote me but! hope this helps :)


----------



## Pippin

CurlySue said:


> Pippin said:
> 
> 
> Hope you don't mind me chipping in here CurlySue (again she says) as for symptoms early on I agree there is a lot of hype about symptom spotting but the only thing I felt, and I really did feel it was my boobs at 10dpo they really, really hurt (which is what prompted me to test). I had other symptoms around the same time (very cold and snotty) but seriously I think most of it is coincidence but the boobs they were real and for most women that really is the first thing you feel before AF is due. I thought I hadn't been lucky that month as I had no 'symptoms' but there is truth in some, I promise, just not that early on (0-9dpo for me) but can be before period is due. Hope that gives a different perspective.
> 
> Anyway still doing all the positive thoughts and vibes for you. Hope you enjoyed transformers. x
> 
> 9 and 10dpo I understand, the embryo has implanted by then and the HCG is being released. It makes sense. What I DONT believe in is those that say they feel symptoms from 1dpo. That's shite. Sorry, but it is. Genetically predisposed to pregnancy or not, you are not pregnant at 1dpo. Your egg is fertilising, yes, but that's it. It's just a fertilised egg, nothing more. It's why hospitals whilst doing IVF wait until day 3 at least before freezing because at day 1 (or 1dpo) it's nothing but that. A fertilised egg. Might not even have started dividing at that stage.
> 
> At 9dpo, it might've been implanted in your uterus for 2 days already. The pregnancy hormone would be working its way around at that stage and symptoms might be setting in. You could get a positive test at this stage.Click to expand...

Totally agree hon that's what I was trying to say :blush: I felt nothing till way after implantation (but before period), backing up that I think you guys are right. Sorry if I didn't make sense. x


----------



## CurlySue

maz said:


> Hey CS
> 
> I do sometimes think of those times when AF was 12 hours later than normal and wonder if I had managed to conceive but then lost it ... But then I just have to remove that thought from my mind or I'd be in the local nuthouse.
> 
> Hope you're enjoying JK ... Are you one of those people that shouts at the numpties that appear on his show, and call them trollops, imbeciles, or wankers at the top of your voice? I only ask because my BIL's fiancee does that - she then says the programme winds her up. So of course me being me, I ask why she bothers watching something that irritates her so much?
> 
> Anyhoo, I'm going to go make some scrambled eggs for tea ... yum yum

Ooh scrambled eggs. Story of our lives, eh? Had the most loveliest tomato pasta. Got all my cake ingredients as well, Toby, shall be making those tomorrow. Am going to play Bree Van Der Kamp, I think. Passes the time!!!

I was never regular. One month, I had some very convincing evaps. I was possibly a day or two late then. Were they evaps or DID I conceive and the embyro just didn't stick properly? Must be SOME reason why it never stuck after all this time! 

Didn't bother with Jeremy Kyle. In fact, I didn't watch any proper TV today. I raided my Sky Plus for previously recorded shite like The Swan and A Place in the Sun, etc. Feel Good TV. The Swan always makes me cry for some reason. Dying of cramps today (and for the past few days, in fact) and it just psychologically damages me, I think. 

Hopefully the eggs will taste nice for you. I have raspberry smoothie lolly ice for afters, mmm. And we just signed Glen Johnson ffs. That just made the day plummet downhill :hissy:


----------



## CurlySue

Pippin said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Pippin said:
> 
> 
> Hope you don't mind me chipping in here CurlySue (again she says) as for symptoms early on I agree there is a lot of hype about symptom spotting but the only thing I felt, and I really did feel it was my boobs at 10dpo they really, really hurt (which is what prompted me to test). I had other symptoms around the same time (very cold and snotty) but seriously I think most of it is coincidence but the boobs they were real and for most women that really is the first thing you feel before AF is due. I thought I hadn't been lucky that month as I had no 'symptoms' but there is truth in some, I promise, just not that early on (0-9dpo for me) but can be before period is due. Hope that gives a different perspective.
> 
> Anyway still doing all the positive thoughts and vibes for you. Hope you enjoyed transformers. x
> 
> 9 and 10dpo I understand, the embryo has implanted by then and the HCG is being released. It makes sense. What I DONT believe in is those that say they feel symptoms from 1dpo. That's shite. Sorry, but it is. Genetically predisposed to pregnancy or not, you are not pregnant at 1dpo. Your egg is fertilising, yes, but that's it. It's just a fertilised egg, nothing more. It's why hospitals whilst doing IVF wait until day 3 at least before freezing because at day 1 (or 1dpo) it's nothing but that. A fertilised egg. Might not even have started dividing at that stage.
> 
> At 9dpo, it might've been implanted in your uterus for 2 days already. The pregnancy hormone would be working its way around at that stage and symptoms might be setting in. You could get a positive test at this stage.Click to expand...
> 
> Totally agree hon that's what I was trying to say :blush: I felt nothing till way after implantation (but before period), backing up that I think you guys are right. Sorry if I didn't make sense. xClick to expand...

Just drives me mad when people say "Do you feel pregnant yet?" when it's been like two days and that's totally impossible. 

You did make sense. Complete sense :hug:


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> Because you are a responsible kinda girl but stuff them and ignore the email, they shouldnt really be contacting you and there is nothing you can do about it anyway-pah dont they know you have cakes to bake????and toffee crisps!;)
> xx

They are such tw*ts that they would not care. Grr.


----------



## CurlySue

chocci said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> Randomly, when did your trigger shot come out of your system? Did you do cheapie tests to make sure it was gone?
> 
> :hug:
> 
> Hey Chic
> 
> I read somewhere that it can take up to 14 days for the HCG trigger to come out of system bu all depends on how much you took. Seem to rememebr i had a dose of 5000mi and that that takes 10 days if you have 10000 its up to a full 14days. Do you know how much you took as it is on the internet somewhere if you know your does? I read something like a day for every 1000mi....dont quote me but! hope this helps :)Click to expand...

I had 5000. I don't feel particularly hopeful anyway. Still showing up with something today. Probably the last 'bfp' I'll ever see :dohh:


----------



## Pippin

:hugs: Someone is actually asking if you feel pregnant? Blimey :shock: Am I allowed to call them a t**t? PS. Love the toffee crisp sparkly.


----------



## CurlySue

Pippin said:


> :hugs: Someone is actually asking if you feel pregnant? Blimey :shock: Am I allowed to call them a t**t? PS. Love the toffee crisp sparkly.

Gobshites, eh? 

Hope I don't have to lose the sparkly toffee crisps soon. I like them.


----------



## krissi

Hi hun, hows things today, hope you are managing to keep sane xx


----------



## toby2

just dropping off a pritt stick for your toffee crispsxxx


----------



## CurlySue

Thanks. They'd like that. To be honest, though, I'm just not "feeling it". Too many people on the May IVF thread got pregnant. If you consider 1 in 3, I'm pretty sure I'll be one of the 2 in 3.

Negative, negative. I just find it hard to stay positive when I'm just not feeling it. 

<3


----------



## toby2

whatever is going to happen will happen however you feel((((((((((((((((())))))))))
Also can i just point out that not everyone in the country who had ivf in may is on that thread so your numbers may not be entirely accurate....
its tough to be positive all the time, dont be hard on yourself about it and personally, although obviously its better for you, i dont believe it will make any difference to the tc's
xxxx


----------



## chocci

Hey 

I think everyone feels exactly like that in the 2ww!!! Its normal to go up and down and generally feel negative regardless of the outcome. I have heard of many women who were certain they were NOT preggers after ICSI/IVF and who got the biggest BFP in the end!!!

xx

Chin up !! ;-)


----------



## CurlySue

I'd go so far as to bet a whole lot of money on the fact that I'm not, to be honest. Lets just call it a lifelong hunch. 

It's probably natural to feel like it hasn't worked. It's probably NOT natural to pretty much know from the day you can even have thoughts of this kind that you're not going to have kids. When my friends were playing with baby dolls as a little girl I always just 'knew' that wouldn't be me. Said it to my OH when I met him. "I think there's something wrong with me." Cue testing which proved me right. How did I know that at seven years old? We all know our bodies, I guess. 

Would love to be proven wrong but I've been right thusfar. 

Negative,negative. 

Sorry, but I just am. Would love to be different but I just don't feel it. 

:(


----------



## toby2

Theres a spark of hope in there somewhere or you wouldnt be putting yourself through this and thats all you need even if you dont know its there or cant connect with it. You may be right or wrong with your life long hunch but you must be in with a chance.
Distraction sounds like the way forward to me today-get in that kitchen and bake your cake!!!Dont come out till there are iced and looking lovelyxxxx


----------



## toby2

As i said before i cant find pma for me but i have it in anoyingly large buckets for you(lucky lady!)so here's a bit more cheerleading for you...
:happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:
:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:
toffee crisp toffee crisp rah rah rah 
:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:
toffee crisp toffee crisp rah rah rah
:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:
gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo the tc's!!!!!


----------



## toby2

p.s am glad am far enough away that you cant slap me for that!!heh heh
xx


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> I'd go so far as to bet a whole lot of money on the fact that I'm not, to be honest. Lets just call it a lifelong hunch.
> 
> It's probably natural to feel like it hasn't worked. It's probably NOT natural to pretty much know from the day you can even have thoughts of this kind that you're not going to have kids. When my friends were playing with baby dolls as a little girl I always just 'knew' that wouldn't be me. Said it to my OH when I met him. "I think there's something wrong with me." Cue testing which proved me right. How did I know that at seven years old? We all know our bodies, I guess.
> 
> Would love to be proven wrong but I've been right thusfar.
> 
> Negative,negative.
> 
> Sorry, but I just am. Would love to be different but I just don't feel it.
> 
> :(

Its funny you say that since i have always known me and my hubby would have probs, when we used to talk about kids, deep down i just never thought it would happen, when i used to have talks with friends about having kids i would to change the subject as i did not want to curse myself, as i felt like it would not happen. 

Now I actually deep down feel it will happen, i have always thought i will have twins and before we knew about any problems, when we found out my hubbies swimmers were not the best, and our only hope was ICSI, the first thing i said to him was dont worry love i knew we would have twins i just didnt realise it would be this way!!! I am hoping my gut is right!

On the other hand mate.........to be honest and totally frank i thought the problem would be with ME, i thought it would be me that had fertility issues, thats why we got refered since i went to docs! The docs said 3 times you need to get you hubby to give a sample too, he never did it till we were refered, but i didnt care since i "knew" the prob was me! Just goes to prove sometimes that gut instinct can be right I agree..........other times it can be TOTALLY wrong marred by that self protection thing we go on about! I have to admit my gut was totally wrong, just like yours could be too!!

Also I bet if we did a poll on here for all women who have had no problems conceiving and also those who have had to have fertility treatment, i guarantee at least 70% on both sided would say they had negative thoughts in the back of their mind thinking, it will never happen, they couldnt have children only to be delighted and surprised when they got their BFP!!! :) I believe in gut instinct like you, BUT i also know its not always right, even thought i like to convince myself it is too!!!

XX


----------



## chocci

toby2 said:


> Theres a spark of hope in there somewhere or you wouldnt be putting yourself through this and thats all you need even if you dont know its there or cant connect with it. You may be right or wrong with your life long hunch but you must be in with a chance.
> Distraction sounds like the way forward to me today-get in that kitchen and bake your cake!!!Dont come out till there are iced and looking lovelyxxxx

I agree, deep down you have hope or you would not go through all this, its just self protection, psycology, we all think we will fail, very few people have such self confidence and hope that they dont look at things negatively, its human nature........... ;)


----------



## CurlySue

It just feels right to me. Thanks for the cheerleading though, Toby. That was sweet. 

Gut instinct. I knew there was something wrong with ME. I knew it was me. I always knew it was me. Your gut instinct is that you will have twins, Chocci. Mine is that I will not have children at all. I went through IVF so that I could at least try to prove my 'instinct' wrong but it's just not shifting. 

I had such a surge of hope when they told me I had 10 eggs fertilised. Such a crashing blow when I realised only two of them had divided as they should have done. High. Low. I liken it to a little trip to Barcelona I had recently where everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, went right. It was perfect. Utterly perfect. Things which should not have worked worked, things which had not been mathematically planned for fell perfectly in favour. 

Three minutes. Three minutes to go before the most fantastic night ever. And it all fucked up. 

So many things had gone right (good egg number, good fertilisation number, ringing bells, here) and yet three minutes from the end, right in front of us, it all 'went to shit'.

Wish it had been hopeless from the start. At least then we wouldn't have got excited about it. I'd rather have no hope than false hope. 

As you can see I simply feel shite today.


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> It just feels right to me. Thanks for the cheerleading though, Toby. That was sweet.
> 
> Gut instinct. I knew there was something wrong with ME. I knew it was me. I always knew it was me. Your gut instinct is that you will have twins, Chocci. Mine is that I will not have children at all. I went through IVF so that I could at least try to prove my 'instinct' wrong but it's just not shifting.
> 
> I had such a surge of hope when they told me I had 10 eggs fertilised. Such a crashing blow when I realised only two of them had divided as they should have done. High. Low. I liken it to a little trip to Barcelona I had recently where everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, went right. It was perfect. Utterly perfect. Things which should not have worked worked, things which had not been mathematically planned for fell perfectly in favour.
> 
> Three minutes. Three minutes to go before the most fantastic night ever. And it all fucked up.
> 
> So many things had gone right (good egg number, good fertilisation number, ringing bells, here) and yet three minutes from the end, right in front of us, it all 'went to shit'.
> 
> Wish it had been hopeless from the start. At least then we wouldn't have got excited about it. I'd rather have no hope than false hope.
> 
> As you can see I simply feel shite today.

Mate i know how you feel, i had the same as you, i feel i flew over the hurdles, no trialing leg nothing, everything going so well, then as i was approaching the last hurdle, my shoelace loosened and i clattered into it like a right baffon and fell flat on my face........I can empathise in how you feel hun, but you have one thing more than me at the moment YOU still have hope, you still have not had that BFN, you can still possibly be preggers, like i say I always thought it was me, my GUT told me that, I was WRONG althought i was certain i was right!

Its not over till the fat lady sings mate, but if it makes you feel better, then dont get your hopes up, like we said better to be pleasantly surprised than totally utterly devastatingly dissapointed.

As i have said this first time at IVF/ICSI is probably the hardest, its like hte first time giving up smoking its much harder than the next and the next until finally you crack it.........

You still have a chance no matter what you feel now, if its ment to be it will be eh like we said :) XX


----------



## CurlySue

That's the thing, really. I don't think it's meant to be. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with somebody else's child. The tests kept coming back positive, and I kept on saying "This is not my child. Don't get your hopes up. This is not my baby."

Not really into dream analysis...


----------



## chocci

Not sure if this helps or not but i found this article about negative thinking.

See if you are naturally predisposed to thinking negative (like you and I) then it becomes a habit. We forget the thinks that are positive and focus on the bad things. I bet your the type that if someone says "wow your hair looks lovely" you analyse everything else that was said in the 2 hr convo and focus on what could be deemed negative than think oh but they said my hair was lovely. 

See at the end of the day you could say you have been very lucky, you could say that not many people get to egg collection, you have not had OHSS, you managed to get an embryo to transfer, infact you got 2 and those 2 were VERY good quality.........mate, many people dont get that far, many fall at the first hurdle, you have got over all so far and are running towards the last.......you have not finished yet but you are still running!!!! :)

https://www.livinglifefully.com/flo/flonegativethinking.htm

Hope it helps :)X


----------



## toby2

:hug:just get through today, the other stuff can wait till tomorrow:hug:


----------



## toby2

Nothing anyone says is going to chnage how you feel today and your right,sometimes shit things happen when it doesnt look like they will or things stay shit when it only seems right they change BUT sometimes they dont and thats why we all put ourselves through all this stuff-hang on in there and just get through today
xxxx


----------



## chocci

All i would say now is, remember your still running and approaching that final hurdle, thinking your gonna trip and fall flat isnt going to help you clear it is it? Thinking your going to fly over it but then have a fall may really hurt but will it hurt more than thinking you were going to fall anyway? NO it wont! It would hurt just the same...........BUT with a bit of positive thinking you will save your self the anxiety of failure during the run up and will lift your legs higher and really throw yourself over the hurdle..........positive thinking can only help, negativity attracts negativity, i am positive now, i wasnt, especially after my failure BUT i have learnt now after the first ICSI, negative thinking doesnt work, we have to be positive or we risk falling into a deep depression, we need to think about what we have, and how lucky we are, like i say, you have got much further than many others going through the same process and you havent failed yet!!!

Chin up X


----------



## CurlySue

At least if I have prepared myself for the fall it won't hurt so much. I'd be sticking my hands out to catch myself. 

I'm not a person who is particularly capable of positive thought. I've tried everything. Counselling. Hypnosis. The lot. I still dwell on those negative thoughts. 

So, I suppose what I am saying is...in this moment, let me have my negative thoughts. They're protecting me. No amount of bubble and flower is going to make me feel any differently so I will just accept it and hope that tomorrow is better. Because today? Sucks arse, big time.


----------



## MrsR32

Hey CurlySue

I hope you don't mind me dropping in, I've just spent the last hour reading through your story while supposed to be working (!) and just wanted to say good luck for testing (tomorrow I think?). I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and pop back tomorrow to see you announce your BFP! 

xx


----------



## CurlySue

Thanks love. Not likely to announce a BFP any time soon, unfortunately...


----------



## maz

Just popping in to see how you're doing ...

:hug:

I'll keep my fingers crossed that on this one occasion, your female intuition is well off skew ...


----------



## CurlySue

Not doing so well, obviously, Maz. Feel like punching a wall or something but it won't do much good. 

I think I feel the way you felt. The way you just knew.


----------



## toby2

:hugs:sorry your having such a shit day
xx


----------



## CurlySue

It truly is shit as well, Toby. My favoured team who I spend bloody thousands on just bought some fuzzy haired tosser who steals toilet seats, are about to sell one of my favoured players to Real Madrid and my VERY favourite player just ended up having knee surgery because he badly injured himself IN THE GARDEN. How can you possibly injure yourself to the point of needing surgery in the garden?

WTF is wrong with this week?


----------



## Mrs G

Just wanted to send some :hug: and lots of sticky vibes. Hope tomorrow brings better things.

xx


----------



## CurlySue

I actually wish I'd talked to them. Told them I wanted them. I feel bad that I didn't, now, and it's too late to start now since implantation would already have occurred/not occurred...


----------



## Mrs G

You talk away hun. They'll hear you xx


----------



## Nathyrra

Sorry I've been away so much recently. Something big has come up.

I'm so sorry you've had such a dreadful time these last weeks. Negative thinking surely is a habit we all find so hard to break. I know you don't want to set yourself up for a big fall. This is so understandable. I really hope that in this instance you are wrong with your intuitions.

You deserve this happiness in your life, it's been a long road. Your little crisps are very lucky to have you as their mummy, so they should settle down for the long haul if they know what's best for them!

I'm going to be gone again for a while but I'll pop back periodically to see how you're doing. You know where to find me though if you need me for anything. I'll be there. :hugs: With all my heart I wish for this BFP for you. It's your time.. :hugs:


----------



## MrsJD

Hey CurlySue,

I'm into dreams and dreaming your pregnant, labour, giving birth is a sign of an old phase ending and a new phase beginning! ie career, house, love or life,

Don't give up hope yet!

XXX



CurlySue said:


> That's the thing, really. I don't think it's meant to be. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with somebody else's child. The tests kept coming back positive, and I kept on saying "This is not my child. Don't get your hopes up. This is not my baby."
> 
> Not really into dream analysis...


----------



## CurlySue

Nathyrra said:


> Your little crisps are very lucky to have you as their mummy, so they should settle down for the long haul if they know what's best for them!
> :

Oh love, I literally started crying when I read that. For the third time today. 

I hope all is well with you. Have sent you the tiniest PM.


----------



## CurlySue

MrsJD said:


> Hey CurlySue,
> 
> I'm into dreams and dreaming your pregnant, labour, giving birth is a sign of an old phase ending and a new phase beginning! ie career, house, love or life,
> 
> Don't give up hope yet!
> 
> XXX
> 
> 
> 
> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> That's the thing, really. I don't think it's meant to be. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with somebody else's child. The tests kept coming back positive, and I kept on saying "This is not my child. Don't get your hopes up. This is not my baby."
> 
> Not really into dream analysis...Click to expand...

Had a dream the night before that I had ginger twins. To be honest, I think it's more to do with the fact that I was obsessing over HCG trigger shot and cheapie internet strips that made me dream that, and the fact that I have two (twin) embryos that have been implanted. 

Archetypal images in the real world probably do mean those things, but in IVF world? It's just that we tend to have a one track mind when undergoing treatment.


----------



## wrightywales

just wanna wish you lots of luck. hope you do get your :bfp:

:dust::dust::hugs::hug: xxxxxx


----------



## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> MrsJD said:
> 
> 
> Hey CurlySue,
> 
> I'm into dreams and dreaming your pregnant, labour, giving birth is a sign of an old phase ending and a new phase beginning! ie career, house, love or life,
> 
> Don't give up hope yet!
> 
> XXX
> 
> 
> 
> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> That's the thing, really. I don't think it's meant to be. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant with somebody else's child. The tests kept coming back positive, and I kept on saying "This is not my child. Don't get your hopes up. This is not my baby."
> 
> Not really into dream analysis...
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Had a dream the night before that I had ginger twins. To be honest, I think it's more to do with the fact that I was obsessing over HCG trigger shot and cheapie internet strips that made me dream that, and the fact that I have two (twin) embryos that have been implanted.
> 
> Archetypal images in the real world probably do mean those things, but in IVF world? It's just that we tend to have a one track mind when undergoing treatment.Click to expand...

:hug: the mind is a wonderful but weird thing!

XX


----------



## CurlySue

Woke up to yet another negative test (too early, maybe, but loads of people get positives now), nothing even to cling onto, and THE WORST period pains. 

Great.


----------



## MrsR32

Yes, loads of people get positives now but I'm sure just as many get negatives at this stage too, don't give up hope yet.


----------



## Lilly123

hun.. 2 people i know on these boards got :bfn:s between 10DPO and 13DPO. Wannabemum and Akchter 

Good luck hun

FX!!!


xxx:hugs:


----------



## CurlySue

Tanya said:


> hun.. 2 people i know on these boards got :bfn:s between 10DPO and 13DPO. Wannabemum and Akchter
> 
> Good luck hun
> 
> FX!!!
> 
> 
> xxx:hugs:

I'm 9dpo now and dying of cramps. Plus, there wasn't even so much of a questionable line on that test. Not even a shadow. These cramps actually woke me up. if I didn't know better I'd say that the :witch: would be here in the next couple of days, they're that bad. Boobs, fine. Head, fine. Everything, fine. 

Grr.


----------



## Lilly123

CurlySue said:


> Tanya said:
> 
> 
> hun.. 2 people i know on these boards got :bfn:s between 10DPO and 13DPO. Wannabemum and Akchter
> 
> Good luck hun
> 
> FX!!!
> 
> 
> xxx:hugs:
> 
> I'm 9dpo now and dying of cramps. Plus, there wasn't even so much of a questionable line on that test. Not even a shadow. These cramps actually woke me up. if I didn't know better I'd say that the :witch: would be here in the next couple of days, they're that bad. Boobs, fine. Head, fine. Everything, fine.
> 
> Grr.Click to expand...

Hang in there hun - I would TRY not to test till at least 13DPO :rofl: I know easier said than done.. not sure how i will be when i am in 2 WW soon :rofl:

Good luck xxx


----------



## Lilly123

could be crispies making themselves nice and snug.. 9DPO is perfect time for implantation 

xxxx


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> Tanya said:
> 
> 
> hun.. 2 people i know on these boards got :bfn:s between 10DPO and 13DPO. Wannabemum and Akchter
> 
> Good luck hun
> 
> FX!!!
> 
> 
> xxx:hugs:
> 
> I'm 9dpo now and dying of cramps. Plus, there wasn't even so much of a questionable line on that test. Not even a shadow. These cramps actually woke me up. if I didn't know better I'd say that the :witch: would be here in the next couple of days, they're that bad. Boobs, fine. Head, fine. Everything, fine.
> 
> Grr.Click to expand...

Hun honestly i believe the cramps are progestrone related, your taking prog sups arent you? See on a normal cycle i rarely get period pains, the most i ever get is a few hrs before due on and i get a bit of aching EXACTLY the same feeling i got for a full 5 days with the progestrone!!! I mentioned to the nurse and also did some reading and she said yes the prog can do that! I absolutely guarantee that they are prog related progestrone seems to be the bain of most IVF cycles and i thought the injections would be the worst!! I also think 9dpo is very early too most people dont seem to get the true positive until at least day 12.....remeber a lot of people getting pos may still have HCG in system if they doing treatments at day 9 ? X


----------



## chocci

Oh and i will be testing my theory of the progestrone for everyone through FET if i get the same symptoms then then it will defo be prog related! :) I am actually interested to find out since a lot of people complain about the cramping too, with pos and neg results!


----------



## CurlySue

These are worse than normal period pains. I've been taking progesterone all along and it's only been minor. Oh and I've been having EWCM. I get this a week or so before period. Starts around now and increases. Apparently it's because estrogen is becoming dominant over progesterone. 

A friend just recommended a different centre for my second NHS cycle. He's a doctor and knows certain people and has recommended a centre in Nottingham. It's private, but you can request for your NHS cycle to be carried out there. Since I have absolutely no faith in the hospital we are at I am seriously looking into it. Not sure how long their waiting list is, though...

I'm not pregnant. I know I'm not pregnant. Convincing myself I might be is counter-productive.


----------



## Brambletess

EWCM is not in any way reliable. I always get it too and still did with my BFP as well. Your cramps could be later implantation too and if they are you would of course be getting BFNs. Thats said though you know yourself and preparing for a BFN will probably lessen the fall if that is the outcome. A BFP will be good no matter what but a BFN can be made easier by being prepared. I understand that. I personally think from reading through your thread it is still totally up in the air and am hoping things will work out for you.:hugs:

Moving hopsitals sounds like the right thing for you. You have not had faith in them and it was difficult from the start. A fresh start would be good and hopefully there is no major waiting list. Its good to have a way forward to focus on.


----------



## chocci

Brambletess said:


> EWCM is not in any way reliable. I always get it too and still did with my BFP as well. Your cramps could be later implantation too and if they are you would of course be getting BFNs. Thats said though you know yourself and preparing for a BFN will probably lessen the fall if that is the outcome. A BFP will be good no matter what but a BFN can be made easier by being prepared. I understand that. I personally think from reading through your thread it is still totally up in the air and am hoping things will work out for you.:hugs:
> 
> Moving hopsitals sounds like the right thing for you. You have not had faith in them and it was difficult from the start. A fresh start would be good and hopefully there is no major waiting list. Its good to have a way forward to focus on.

I agree entirely :)


----------



## toby2

just back from work and popping by to see how you are(((((()))))))


----------



## toby2

caught up on the thread and i think hospital thing sounds like a good step forward
x


----------



## Greta

Hi there, I just wanted to say good luck. I expect there are few things as pressurised as IVF, but you sound down and maybe doing something to clear your head, like a walk in the sunshine may help you feel a bit better? It is still early days.. Greta. x


----------



## Pippin

Hon, I had horrendous cramps for two days just around bfp time, worse than any period (almost stabbing at times). I still have hope for you. My friend that had IVF had the cramps too for a couple of days. Keeping my fingers crossed toffee crisps are just getting comfy. xxx


----------



## maz

I'm just going to repeat what everyone else has said hun. Progesterone can really make you think AF is on her way. I had it first time and got my (shortlived) :bfp:. I got it second time and got my :bfn:. Fingers crossed it's the build up of progesterone, not only from the pessaries but also from your little embies starting to nestle in ... and you know that 9DPO is quite early to be getting a reliable result - so try and hang in there. I'm not saying get your hopes up, but do try and hang in there. 

If good wishes and prayers could get you your :bfp:, you'd have it by now hun. But then again, so would the rest of us ... :rofl:

:hug:


----------



## CurlySue

Ah thanks, girls. I just wish I could believe it. I just close my eyes and try to visualise something positive and nothing happens. I try to imagine the toffee crisps in there but I just feel empty, like they are not there and never were. I know that progesterone can give you symptoms, etc. It's a mindfuck in that sense. 

How did you afford to go private, Maz? Was it savings, good job or loan? I'm seriously going to have to start thinking about this. With no embryos on ice (shitty hospital, ai, would not even give them a chance) and only one go left it's something I'd like to plan for...


----------



## Lilly123

hang in there hun.. when is your official blood test??

xxx


----------



## CurlySue

Tanya said:


> hang in there hun.. when is your official blood test??
> 
> xxx

There is no blood test. Our shitty hospital says "Take a clearblue"...

Have never known a crappier hospital.


----------



## chocci

Yep my hospital is as bad really, where i am i only get one chance at ICSI granted i get all the frozen cycles for this ICSI cycle that just failed BUT if i had none on ice i would be having to pay up now to start again....plus back to the end of the queue apparently on a waiting list 6 months long!


----------



## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> Tanya said:
> 
> 
> hang in there hun.. when is your official blood test??
> 
> xxx
> 
> There is no blood test. Our shitty hospital says "Take a clearblue"...
> 
> Have never known a crappier hospital.Click to expand...

That's unbelievable! 

So when are you meant to test?

X


----------



## toby2

am thinking if you need to go through this again def change hospitals!!They do sound shittyxxx
so wish there was something ,anything , any of us could do to help you through this-ho is you oh with it all?is he at home at the weekend?being on your own through stuff like this is no bloody fun at all


----------



## CurlySue

Official Test Day is Wednesday. My period is due before then. Period due Monday/Tuesday. Getting all the usual signs. Do a clearblue, for God's sake. I don't understand this country really. How are they even to know WHY it went wrong if they don't properly test? In other countries there is ongoing progesterone/estrogen testing, even HCG testing as far as I know. They have those BETA test things done. It might indicate a hormonal imbalance that requires addressing in order for the next cycle to work. Ours do nothing of the sort. They put you on Clomid and don't even test you to see if it's worked, just send you away and say "See you in four or five months time." I was on Clomid absolutely pointlessly for four months because there was nobody to inform that it was not working. 

As for frosties, well, they were my back up hope. I don't even HAVE any frosties. Mine were not worthy of the space. This, despite the fact that I have known of people to have 5 cell embryos transferred on Day 3 and had healthy babies. My 5 day embryos (had at least a few of them) were discarded (they were a little slow, the embryologist said) whilst other people's one day embryos are stored. Stupid two-faced hospital. So, if this fails it's a whole cycle all over again. Last free attempt. Would have to hope for it to be better than this time, that at least we would get SOME to freeze, which at least gives a back up option. 

I could not recommend this hospital less. That's why I am seriously considering my friend's recommendation of going elsewhere. Pioneering, he said. I like the sound of that. They also have a 49/1% success rate per embryo transfer compared to our hospital's shite 34%.

I know I am useless, girls, and I do appreciate people being nice, etc. I suppose this is just my way. It does mean alot though that you care enough to try. I'm just not feeling good at all. But ooh, there is Iker Casillas on TV and he's gorgeous. Random distraction!!!

Toby, OH is here. We are watching Spain play USA. One of the toffee crisps' namesakes is playing, at least. My mum isn't very good at 'being around' to be honest because she has an absolute infatuation with my sister. The whole world revolves around her. She doesn't say the right things, tries sometimes but only on her terms. 

It's just really hard. I knew it would be hard, didn't think it would be THIS hard. I just wish it was over, now. I think I am at peace with it, now. What will be will be.


----------



## MrsF

just dropped in to :hug: :hug: thinking of you hun x x x i have no idea what to say to you hun as i'm a month or so behind you in the ivf road, i just wanted to let you know i'm rooting for you and your toffee crisps x x x x

i hope it doesn't come to this, but i'm at that nottingham clinic you mentioned earlier. am more than happy to pm you all the stuff you need. but i truely hope you don't need it and that i never have to meet you there (in the nicest possible way bud, lol!) x x x i'll drop by friday to catch up x x x


----------



## maz

CurlySue said:


> How did you afford to go private, Maz? Was it savings, good job or loan?

Hubby had some savings set aside for a Range Rover. It was going to be his present to himself when we got pregnant. He decided the money would be better spent trying to get pregnant and the car could come at a later date. We are both in good jobs as well, so we are saving for another cycle. Plus, we have a part time business as well. Unfortunately it is in property, which ain't so good, but we've decided to make it a long term investment instead of a 'buy it, do it up, and sell it' house.

IVF isn't cheap, but needs must. And if our NHS cycle doesn't work, then I'd definitely go private again. I just wish our NHS would farm out some of their patients to the private clinic - I'd definitely offer to go there for treatment... Hmmm - wonder if I can ask for treatment to be done there instead ...


----------



## CurlySue

maz said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> How did you afford to go private, Maz? Was it savings, good job or loan?
> 
> Hubby had some savings set aside for a Range Rover. It was going to be his present to himself when we got pregnant. He decided the money would be better spent trying to get pregnant and the car could come at a later date. We are both in good jobs as well, so we are saving for another cycle. Plus, we have a part time business as well. Unfortunately it is in property, which ain't so good, but we've decided to make it a long term investment instead of a 'buy it, do it up, and sell it' house.
> 
> IVF isn't cheap, but needs must. And if our NHS cycle doesn't work, then I'd definitely go private again. I just wish our NHS would farm out some of their patients to the private clinic - I'd definitely offer to go there for treatment... Hmmm - wonder if I can ask for treatment to be done there instead ...Click to expand...

Do you have to stay in the country? How does the NHS work there? Could you opt to go elsewhere? The clinic my doctor friend has recommended has a few centres. They are private but you can opt for NHS treatment to be carried out there. I'm seriously tempted, depending on waiting lists. 

My job is shite. i was going to concentrate on 'the career' after I had the baby but...well, you know. And J's job truly is dependent upon the economy. He has a good salary but his bonuses are commission based and if nobody is buying, no commission to be had, etc. 

Ugh.


----------



## CurlySue

MrsF said:


> just dropped in to :hug: :hug: thinking of you hun x x x i have no idea what to say to you hun as i'm a month or so behind you in the ivf road, i just wanted to let you know i'm rooting for you and your toffee crisps x x x x
> 
> i hope it doesn't come to this, but i'm at that nottingham clinic you mentioned earlier. am more than happy to pm you all the stuff you need. but i truely hope you don't need it and that i never have to meet you there (in the nicest possible way bud, lol!) x x x i'll drop by friday to catch up x x x

He knows one of the people there, one of the IVF staff. Says that he's excellent and that he could not recommend a clinic more. It's all pioneering, etc, they have this egg study thing going on, he did not give me the details but said that it would be a hell of a lot better than the hospital I am at.


----------



## chocci

Wow 34%, mine is 31% i think....maybe i should start looking elsewhere too since I only got one chance anyway for free! Lucky i got some frosties or i would be more annoyed than you! I cant understand why there is such discrepencies in %, are they overworked, spend less, careless ot are statistics "tweaked" by the private hospitals by them only taking on cases they think stand a higher chance or taking on less patients, i dunno??? very interesting!

How do we even begin looking for a good private hospital?? Does it cost more for treatments? Are waiting lists shorter? I havent even thought about this and maybe i should start doing so like you?


----------



## MrsF

the staff are so friendly and lovely there hun, and i had two nurses do my pre-treatment scan - and they were like long lost best pals - but not too overfamiliar (if that makes sense!) They listened to me and answered my (at times idiotic...) questions. They put me at ease and i have every confidence in them. 

they are a pioneering clinic for so many things, and they do have lots of centres up and down the country. They even have satelitte clinics so you can drop in to them for some of the scans etc (useful for you maz? not sure where you live hun). 

and as far as waiting lists go i dont think it's that bad, my initial app was made in within a few weeks of the nhs referral, and i think it was about 4 weeks after that i went i attended (ish - bear with me, my timeline is cack at the mo). i could've started that weekend on treatment if i was private (had a cock-up with funding). 

hope this helps hun x x x

i'm going down the ICSI route which is 69% success rate at the clinic, and the IVF is 61% (info taken from open evening a couple of months ago - hope that helps too x x x )


----------



## chocci

Hey Mrs F what are the clinic / centres called , have they got a website etc ?

thanks for the info X


----------



## MrsF

heya chocci, i'll pm you with the name - i'm not too sure where we stand about posting names and stuff, lol! x bear with me, i'm on it x They do have a website too x


----------



## CurlySue

Well I'm only doing it really because of a little talk I had with a friend today who is in the medical profession. He's very honest. He tells it like it is. There are certain hospitals where you can elect to have an NHS cycle carried out there. I don't know how you go about it, or if we will, but it's an option. Like he said, if you are laughed at at your consultation and you feel no faith even at that stage it's not a good place to be.

The only problem is the travel. There is a clinic in Manchester. That is, what, 40 miles away from me, so it's not so bad. Same clinic (well, chain of clinic) so I'd probably end up there. It would not really be possible to travel to and from Nottingham.


----------



## chocci

MrsF said:


> heya chocci, i'll pm you with the name - i'm not too sure where we stand about posting names and stuff, lol! x bear with me, i'm on it x They do have a website too x

Cool ta chic, thats nice of you XX


----------



## Oneday

Hi all
Are you talking about CARE? I have heard other people recommend them. I have been looking on the net for places in the north west and came across Manchester fertilty Services my friend who is currently 41 weeks pregnant had her sterilization sucessfully reversed by one of their consultants and highly recommends him. It really does seem to be a minefield though.


----------



## CurlySue

Oneday said:


> Hi all
> Are you talking about CARE? I have heard other people recommend them. I have been looking on the net for places in the north west and came across Manchester fertilty Services my friend who is currently 41 weeks pregnant had her sterilization sucessfully reversed by one of their consultants and highly recommends him. It really does seem to be a minefield though.

Yeah CARE. Not sure if our PCT is covered by their NHS programme, though. If going private though I would not touch my hospital with a bargepole so I would be looking at going there.


----------



## Brambletess

Hiya - we don't have any NHS places near us thankfully so our PCT let us go wherever we want within the UK but as Bristol is really good most go there. Its totally purpose bulit for IVF and is state of the art. so far the staff have been lovely and I have a lot of confidence in them. This is so important. If my two goes are not successful I will go abroad to turkey or Budapest for another as ICSI is too expensive here. We are saving already!!! And if I don't need it maybe I can have a new bathroom. I have said this to chocci but I try too see it as a course of treatment. I think you will feel a whole lot better if you have more control over who treats you.feeling like you have a choice is great.But let's hope you don't need it.x


----------



## CurlySue

It's very important to have faith in those who are treating you, I agree, especially with something so fragile. You don't want to feel rushed or ridiculous and you CERTAINLY don't want to feel like a number (On the day of my EC I was "Number 4 of 12"). It's like a conveyor belt, like a factory, and you don't want that during treatment. You want to feel like a person, like an individual, like there is nothing they couldn't do for you. 

I did meet one nice person during all of this. The person that carried out my EC was lovely. If I could take him and put him in the setting of a different hospital then maybe all would be nice. To have just one person you feel comfortable and faithful with/of over the whole course of treatment isn't good. Not during this kind of treatment. 

Had another evap this morning. Cheapies. Evil sent from the Devil, they are. Could see it after 5 minutes, which is even MORE of a mindfuck, but it's well and truly ghostish and grey since it dried.


----------



## Steph63

Hey CS, just catching up on everything with you, just wanted to wish you lots of luck with your Toffee Crisps!!

When is your offical test date?

:hug:


----------



## CurlySue

Official test date next Wednesday, AF due Tuesday. I am the equivalent of 10dpo today.

Erm...I just did another internet cheapie. It's faint, v. faint, but I could see a second line within 60 seconds and I'm pretty sure it's an evap. I don't even know what colour it is. It's the same as the other one, but it dried so faint you can hardly see the colour. 

It's still there. it's the faintest thing there ever was, but it's still there. 

Two v. faint lines this morning. When i say faint I mean faint. Ridiculously faint. Unlike the evap last night, though, they are visible to the naked eye (sort of - could only see the shadow if I held it up in one room last night, ironically the room which is to be the baby's room). I will try to take a picture. Of course, I might be hallucinating and I might be giving myself false hope, and that's bad.


----------



## CurlySue

Is this the first sign of my Toffee Crisp...

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-22.png?t=1245914831

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/test.jpg?t=1245914916

...or, am I just really driving myself to a mental breakdown, here? Like i said, it's fainter than faint. 

God, I just know it's going to be gone. Or that it's not even there in the first place but I swear even the camera picked up some of it. I don't know why I do this to myself, really.


----------



## Lyns

OMG....that does look rather hopeful. I am really praying for you honey! xx

PS Soz not been around....I'm on my holibops but had to log in to see how you were doing!


----------



## Lyns

PPS....with any of my BFP's I've not got a positive at all on IC's before 11/12dpo, but have had a strong positive on FRER at 8dpo? Maybe try a sensitive branded test tomorrow?


----------



## CurlySue

I want to get one just to put myself out of my misery, really. This one was a Home and Bargain cheapie. 2 for 99p.


----------



## Brambletess

Hiya

Go get yourself a clearblue sensitive one. Its easier to tell with those. Its deffo looking positive and you got nothing yesterday and samething very very faint today. Your hcg would be so low today if the embryo implanated when you got those cramps.

Think we are all desperate to know the outcome ;-)


----------



## chocci

Brambletess said:


> Hiya - we don't have any NHS places near us thankfully so our PCT let us go wherever we want within the UK but as Bristol is really good most go there. Its totally purpose bulit for IVF and is state of the art. so far the staff have been lovely and I have a lot of confidence in them. This is so important. If my two goes are not successful I will go abroad to turkey or Budapest for another as ICSI is too expensive here. We are saving already!!! And if I don't need it maybe I can have a new bathroom. I have said this to chocci but I try too see it as a course of treatment. I think you will feel a whole lot better if you have more control over who treats you.feeling like you have a choice is great.But let's hope you don't need it.x

Hey Chic how much is it in Turkey and why Turkey and how long would you have to go......hope you dont mind me asking again sounds really interesting, I have never thought about that and am hoping I wont have to do it but like you say thinking of a course of treatment is the best way, perhaps it makes any dissapointment along the way seem less harsh? x


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> Is this the first sign of my Toffee Crisp...
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-22.png?t=1245914831
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/test.jpg?t=1245914916
> 
> ...or, am I just really driving myself to a mental breakdown, here? Like i said, it's fainter than faint.
> 
> God, I just know it's going to be gone. Or that it's not even there in the first place but I swear even the camera picked up some of it. I don't know why I do this to myself, really.


oooooooooooooooooooo, whats the minimum HCG clear blue pics up, i have one here but i cant find it on instructions??


----------



## chocci

chocci said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> Is this the first sign of my Toffee Crisp...
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-22.png?t=1245914831
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/test.jpg?t=1245914916
> 
> ...or, am I just really driving myself to a mental breakdown, here? Like i said, it's fainter than faint.
> 
> God, I just know it's going to be gone. Or that it's not even there in the first place but I swear even the camera picked up some of it. I don't know why I do this to myself, really.
> 
> 
> oooooooooooooooooooo, whats the minimum HCG clear blue pics up, i have one here but i cant find it on instructions??Click to expand...

Thats a hopeful test hun!!!


----------



## chocci

chocci said:


> chocci said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> Is this the first sign of my Toffee Crisp...
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-22.png?t=1245914831
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/test.jpg?t=1245914916
> 
> ...or, am I just really driving myself to a mental breakdown, here? Like i said, it's fainter than faint.
> 
> God, I just know it's going to be gone. Or that it's not even there in the first place but I swear even the camera picked up some of it. I don't know why I do this to myself, really.
> 
> 
> oooooooooooooooooooo, whats the minimum HCG clear blue pics up, i have one here but i cant find it on instructions??Click to expand...
> 
> Thats a hopeful test hun!!!Click to expand...

Hey and i have to say i used to use those strips but they were ovulation ones and they never ever gave me a massive "you have ovulated line" they were always faint....i never thought i had ovualted the times i used them i know know i always do i just think as they are not the best tests they dont scream it at you........promising prominsing prominsing X


----------



## CurlySue

I have something to show everyone in about two minutes. Let me know what you think


----------



## chocci

Is it a clear blue saying "could be pregnant" haha lol


----------



## CurlySue

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture6-6.png

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture5-16.png

Could this still be the trigger shot? I watched it go out of my system on internet cheapies and then a faint line appeared this morning. 

I felt...different, last night, when I went to bed. I lay there and I felt strangely at ease with everything. I didn't feel wrong. I didn't feel right, either, but I felt...something.

Am I getting my hopes up for nothing? COULD this still be the trigger shot from 12 days ago?


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture6-6.png
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture5-16.png
> 
> Could this still be the trigger shot? I watched it go out of my system on internet cheapies and then a faint line appeared this morning.
> 
> I felt...different, last night, when I went to bed. I lay there and I felt strangely at ease with everything. I didn't feel wrong. I didn't feel right, either, but I felt...something.
> 
> Am I getting my hopes up for nothing? COULD this still be the trigger shot from 12 days ago?


That is definately a positive test........what day are you after the trigger counting the day after the trigger as day 1, what hour did you take the trigger?


----------



## MrsJD

OMG CONGRATULATIONS HUN! The trigger shot should be out of your system.

XXXX


----------



## CurlySue

chocci said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture6-6.png
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture5-16.png
> 
> Could this still be the trigger shot? I watched it go out of my system on internet cheapies and then a faint line appeared this morning.
> 
> I felt...different, last night, when I went to bed. I lay there and I felt strangely at ease with everything. I didn't feel wrong. I didn't feel right, either, but I felt...something.
> 
> Am I getting my hopes up for nothing? COULD this still be the trigger shot from 12 days ago?
> 
> 
> That is definately a positive test........what day are you after the trigger counting the day after the trigger as day 1, what hour did you take the trigger?Click to expand...

Counting trigger as day 1? Well I took it on Saturday night so 12/13...can't remember what hour it was but it was late. They reckon the trigger halfs daily so going on the dosage I was at it should have been gone in 10 days. Have been using cheapies each morning to check when it is out of system. It went negative on about 5dp3dt, which was 2 days ago.


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> chocci said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture6-6.png
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture5-16.png
> 
> Could this still be the trigger shot? I watched it go out of my system on internet cheapies and then a faint line appeared this morning.
> 
> I felt...different, last night, when I went to bed. I lay there and I felt strangely at ease with everything. I didn't feel wrong. I didn't feel right, either, but I felt...something.
> 
> Am I getting my hopes up for nothing? COULD this still be the trigger shot from 12 days ago?
> 
> 
> That is definately a positive test........what day are you after the trigger counting the day after the trigger as day 1, what hour did you take the trigger?Click to expand...
> 
> Counting trigger as day 1? Well I took it on Saturday night so 12/13...can't remember what hour it was but it was late. They reckon the trigger halfs daily so going on the dosage I was at it should have been gone in 10 days. Have been using cheapies each morning to check when it is out of system. It went negative on about 5dp3dt, which was 2 days ago.Click to expand...

Well congratulations then, looks like its a positive, will you stop being negative now :) Just goes to show, gut is not always right :) :happydance:


----------



## MrsJD

The IC are 10miu this is a 25miu so if you watched the trigger shot go on the 10miu this is your :bfp: :happydance:



X


----------



## Lyns

You gotta love a FRER with 2 pink lines. :happydance:

I am so hoping I don't regret saying this as I don't really know about trigger shots and how long they take to clear the system.....but I think you may well be knocked up, chick!


----------



## CurlySue

The IC was actually 25mlu. Showed up very lightly this morning, but wasn't there yesterday morning. Was a shadow of an evap last night. Saw something this morning. 

I didn't feel negative when I went to bed. I just felt strangely at peace.


----------



## mum2joe

:yipee::bfp::yipee::bfp::yipee::bfp:

Hey CurlySue, we haven't spoken before, but I have been following your story & hoping for the best for you, that's a DEFINITE positive, you're PREGNANT!!!
Here's to a relaxing & joy filled 9 months- & with such a strong positive- TWINS possibly??!:rofl:

HUGE congrats to you & your OH!! You did it!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## CurlySue

Lyns said:


> You gotta love a FRER with 2 pink lines. :happydance:
> 
> I am so hoping I don't regret saying this as I don't really know about trigger shots and how long they take to clear the system.....but I think you may well be knocked up, chick!

It's the trigger thing that is making me a little reserved about it. But, I was using the same cheapie tests every morning and I did watch it disappear...that's got to count for something, right? 

I'm going to do a superdrug one in a bit see what that comes up with. Not quite as sensitive as the FRER one.


----------



## CurlySue

mum2joe said:


> :yipee::bfp::yipee::bfp::yipee::bfp:
> 
> Hey CurlySue, we haven't spoken before, but I have been following your story & hoping for the best for you, that's a DEFINITE positive, you're PREGNANT!!!
> Here's to a relaxing & joy filled 9 months- & with such a strong positive- TWINS possibly??!:rofl:
> 
> HUGE congrats to you & your OH!! You did it!!
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks love.

God, don't know what to think. My mum phoned me at 10am this morning and said "Something felt different so I thought I'd phone you. I saw four magpies on the front path today and they were all screaming at me." 

My mum is a little strange. But, I felt so negative yesterday morning. For the past week I have felt it. I have felt horrible. Awful. But then I got this almighty pain and I thought, does that mean something?

It might mean nothing. My peaceful change of mood last night, that might mean nothing, too, but if that's NOT the trigger shot then at least it gives me hope.


----------



## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> The IC was actually 25mlu. Showed up very lightly this morning, but wasn't there yesterday morning. Was a shadow of an evap last night. Saw something this morning.
> 
> I didn't feel negative when I went to bed. I just felt strangely at peace.

Enjoy Mrs.....and please get ride of the negative vibes. YOU ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!

XXX


----------



## mum2joe

I'm with your Mum on the magpie front- & they were right weren't they- how much joy...errr LOTS!!!!

I too had the *at peace* feeling just after my m/c- & here I am in my 8th week!

It took me over 2 years to conceive my son 13 years ago & we went through all the wonderful infertility investigations & were weeks from starting IVF, so I really feel your joy!!

Have you told your OH?!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## CurlySue

Told him over the phone. He thinks my mum doesn't know but she does. Will have to tell some porkies, there. Just a little worried because of the trigger shot but I'm just destined to worry. They do say it can take up to 14 days but that's why I was doing the daily tests. It is actually possible I am just getting my hopes up, but every other morning I've seen nothing appear on a test. 

Just done a Superdrug test. That, too, has a second line. Very faint, but there. That's an early detection one as well. Going to wind myself up, now, aren't I? I just don't want to accept it as a true positive until it's STILL positive on Saturday when the HCG MUST be gone. 

Then again, if you keep on halfing 5000 it should be gone already.

_"Most doctors recommend that you wait 14 days after a 10,000 IU injection, 10 days after a 5,000 IU injection, or 7 days after a 2,500 IU injection."_

Mine was 5000


----------



## MrsJD

Oh Mrs! I can understand how this will be making you feel.

Your pee must be well diluted at this time of day so don't worry about the faint line on it.

X


----------



## chocci

Looks like you are the lucky 1 in 3 hun CONGRATULATIONS x


----------



## CurlySue

It might still be trigger shot. The more I think of it, the more I think it must be. Has to be, right? The cheapies are cheap for a reason, might just not have been able to pick up the trace amounts. If these ones I did today pick up 10mlu or more then that MAY be trigger.

Shit.

I'll do the test again on Saturday. If still positive, then I'll accept it. Until then, I am being cautious!!!

On the FRER it doesn't even say what the sensitivity is.


----------



## mum2joe

This whole journey is one big headf*ck- BUT look at the facts missus- you were getting NEGATIVES which shows that the trigger shot is out of your system!!!
You now have FOUR...count 'em 1...2...3...4 POSITIVES- keep staring at that beautiful FRER & believe sweetheart- you made a baba (or 2 :rofl:)

Enjoy it- you've bloody earned it!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## chocci

CurlySue said:


> It might still be trigger shot. The more I think of it, the more I'm convinced. The cheapies are cheap for a reason, might just not have been able to pick up the trace amounts. If these ones I did today pick up 10mlu or more then that MAY be trigger.
> 
> Shit.

I dont think its likely, you saw it go on the tests, why would hte trigger suddenly start showing again???? Just be happy hun :)


----------



## CareBear

It won't be the trigger shot, can't see the pics at the mo as I'm at work but will look again tonight. I have the 5,000 HCG jab and my FMU told me it would be out of my system in 5 days and I have taken tets on 12dpo which had very very very faint lines and the nurses told me it definitely would not be the trigger shot causing these. Good luck hun, I will be back later to look at the pics


----------



## CurlySue

I'm going to be at peace, now. I have hope whereas yesterday morning I felt like i had none. 

I hope, if it IS true, that it sticks.

ps 

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture7-5.png?t=1245929890

Superdrug test. Cheap shit test, but still...


----------



## mum2joe

Good- be at peace, start to believe!

BTW- that is not a *faint* line by any means on the Superdrug, thats a *hi mummy we're here* type of line!:hugs:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## samzi

hope this is your :bfp: :hugs:


----------



## CurlySue

mum2joe said:


> Good- be at peace, start to believe!
> 
> BTW- that is not a *faint* line by any means on the Superdrug, thats a *hi mummy we're here* type of line!:hugs:
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh that sounds so lovely. I hope it is. I really do. 

Just don't understand it all, really...


----------



## Brambletess

It can't be the trigger shot that was well over 10 days ago! This is a positive result! I am so pleased for you. And why shouldn't it be the odds were good. I know you will feel better in a few days when that line gets darker. Have a nice relaxing day.


----------



## MrsR32

mum2joe said:


> Good- be at peace, start to believe!
> 
> BTW- that is not a *faint* line by any means on the Superdrug, thats a *hi mummy we're here* type of line!:hugs:
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I love this! I think Clearblue should change their "Pregnant" to "Hi Mummy, We're Here"!!!

Congratulations CurlySue, that looks very much like a BFP to me!


----------



## CurlySue

Brambletess said:


> It can't be the trigger shot that was well over 10 days ago! This is a positive result! I am so pleased for you. And why shouldn't it be the odds were good. I know you will feel better in a few days when that line gets darker. Have a nice relaxing day.

I thought that. This is pushing into the 13th day. End of tomorrow the 14 days will be up. That's why I'm not going to do another test until Saturday. If it is still positive then it MUST be right. 

I hope it is. I have never, ever seen a positive test before. Not in my life. I've seen evaps. I've seen what I thought MIGHT be positive tests. But I've never felt like spending £15 on tests before because never in my mind were they going to come back 'good'.

It's still very early, obviously. 10dpo. But loads of people get positives at 9 and 10dpo don't they?


----------



## CurlySue

MrsR32 said:


> mum2joe said:
> 
> 
> Good- be at peace, start to believe!
> 
> BTW- that is not a *faint* line by any means on the Superdrug, thats a *hi mummy we're here* type of line!:hugs:
> xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
> 
> I love this! I think Clearblue should change their "Pregnant" to "Hi Mummy, We're Here"!!!
> 
> Congratulations CurlySue, that looks very much like a BFP to me!Click to expand...

Or just, quite simply, "Hi Mum!" 

That would be good!!!


----------



## krissi

Looking good hun I away from tomorrow for 2 weeks but I will look forward to reading your preggers journo when I am back xxx


----------



## CurlySue

krissi said:


> Looking good hun I away from tomorrow for 2 weeks but I will look forward to reading your preggers journo when I am back xxx

Aw bless. Trying not to think like that at the moment, obviously, but it'd be nice to have one for you to read <3


----------



## MrsJD

FRER is 25 miu chic!

X


----------



## Redfraggle

Loving all the pink lines!! No doubting at all what the results are!! I'm positive this is it for you. :happydance:


----------



## wrightywales

CurlySue said:


> I'm going to be at peace, now. I have hope whereas yesterday morning I felt like i had none.
> 
> I hope, if it IS true, that it sticks.
> 
> ps
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture7-5.png?t=1245929890
> 
> Superdrug test. Cheap shit test, but still...

Hello

wow what a great line hun hope it gets alot darker for you 

hope its nice and sticky and gets very comfy in there

:dust: :hug::hugs:xxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## toby2

:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance:
:dust::dust::dust:
:dust::dust:
:dust::dust::dust:
:dust::dust::dust:
holy fucking crap!!!!
never have i felt so excited for the results of someone else poas!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## latestarter

Woo Hoo! That looks pretty great to me. Congratulations!


----------



## Pippin

*OH MY FREAKING GOD! YOUR PREGNANT HONEY* check out those wonderful lines, they are marvelous ones honey :hugs: AHHHHH So so pleased for you both, looks like those toffee crisps are in there and well comfy now. What a fab day :happydance: ohh could be twins with lines that that at this early stage. Like we are all saying, those lines on the FR and Superdrug aren't faint!!!! :wohoo: :wohoo:


----------



## CareBear

Thats a BFP hun, no doubt about it, I would do a digi on Saturday if I were you x

Edited to say that I've just looked back at your FRER test and with it being 13 days since the trigger shot there is no way on earth that is causing such a dark line on a FRER - you are PREGNANT :wohoo: 
If I had a test like that I would be shouting from the rooftops - quietly because of course you still have that slight concern so I can understand you being cautious about getting your hopes up. I hope to see another :bfp: pic tomorrow :hugs:


----------



## Lilly123

yay - you are pregnant!!!:happydance::happydance::happydance:

Congrats hun!!!! All the best!!! xxx:hugs:


----------



## akcher

CONGRATS!!! :dance:


----------



## Beckic

Wonderful news hunni - so happy for you.:happydance::happydance::happydance:
bx x x:hugs::hugs:


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> :happydance::happydance:
> :dust::dust::dust:
> :dust::dust:
> :dust::dust::dust:
> :dust::dust::dust:
> holy fucking crap!!!!
> never have i felt so excited for the results of someone else poas!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh bless you. I hope it was your cheerleading that got the toffee crisps settled. Honestly, I feel a little odd at the minute, like I am expecting it to change any minute, but something felt like it changed last night. Have felt so shite and negative yet last night I felt calm. Now I just feel scared, in case it is some big almighty headfuck, but if its not...

Well, if it's not a headfuck then that strange, calm feeling might just have been those toffee crisps tucking themselves in and saying "Don't worry any more..."

God, I am going to be so horrified if I have to come back in a few days and say "False alarm. It's negative."


----------



## CurlySue

Pippin said:


> *OH MY FREAKING GOD! YOUR PREGNANT HONEY* check out those wonderful lines, they are marvelous ones honey :hugs: AHHHHH So so pleased for you both, looks like those toffee crisps are in there and well comfy now. What a fab day :happydance: ohh could be twins with lines that that at this early stage. Like we are all saying, those lines on the FR and Superdrug aren't faint!!!! :wohoo: :wohoo:

I am not quite accepting it yet. I am too cautious. It means too much to get too attached to the idea, but I will say that early signs look promising. I am only 10dpo though. It could well be a chemical. Or even (though I doubt it) HCG. But they do look good, don't they? Little toffee crisps might have decided they liked the view. So scared of them leaving...


----------



## CurlySue

CareBear said:


> Thats a BFP hun, no doubt about it, I would do a digi on Saturday if I were you x
> 
> Edited to say that I've just looked back at your FRER test and with it being 13 days since the trigger shot there is no way on earth that is causing such a dark line on a FRER - you are PREGNANT :wohoo:
> If I had a test like that I would be shouting from the rooftops - quietly because of course you still have that slight concern so I can understand you being cautious about getting your hopes up. I hope to see another :bfp: pic tomorrow :hugs:

I think I worked it out wrong ai, the trigger shot has only been in my system for 12 days. But its still 12 days, and they say that a 5000 one is out after 10 or less. OH worked it out. If it halves daily I would have 1mlu of HCG in my system, if any, and I doubt 1mlu would give a positive result...would it?

Ah I am so sheepish in this. I really am. I am so trying not to get my hopes up


----------



## maz

Oh Curly I am so happy for you... It really looks as though you did it ...

I'll be checking in to see your confirmation :bfp: in the next couple of days ...

:hug:

Congrats hun


----------



## CurlySue

maz said:


> Oh Curly I am so happy for you... It really looks as though you did it ...
> 
> I'll be checking in to see your confirmation :bfp: in the next couple of days ...
> 
> :hug:
> 
> Congrats hun

Well, early days. Did FRER this morning again (bad me, was not going to until tomorrow) and the line is no lighter, no darker. When does it start getting darker? Should it be, now? Questions, questions. When did you get your BFP when your IVF had worked?

ETA - actually, screw that, it does look darker. It hadn't dried before. Still not going to confirm anything because it could be some cosmic joke being played on me...

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture3-18.png?t=1245998496

Yesterday's and today's. You can't see it from picture but the bottom one is actually darker. It just hadn't dried, yet. If nothing else, it didn't get lighter. 11dpo today!!! It's just these fucking cramps that are worrying me.


----------



## maz

Good morning Curly ... or should that be mummy-to-be.

That defo looks darker and I think it's too late in the 2ww for it still to be the booster shot.

My first cycle, I was convinced it hadn't worked because I had a slight bleed 9 days after a day 3 ET, so when I hadn't got my period 3 days after that I tested and got a faint second line. It wasn't quite as dark as yours are, and come official testing day it hadn't got any darker - which should have set alarm bells off in my head I suppose - but I was sooooo excited at the fact the treatment had worked that I was obviously not thinking straight.

Yours look great though ... congratulations hun.

:hug:


----------



## Lyns

Cramps are totally normal....in fact they are good in early pregnancy sweetie. They come about from the Uterus stretching to accomodate the little bean (or two!) 

I'd be more concerned if you weren't getting cramps.....and yes that line looks darker xx


----------



## CurlySue

Lyns said:


> Cramps are totally normal....in fact they are good in early pregnancy sweetie. They come about from the Uterus stretching to accomodate the little bean (or two!)
> 
> I'd be more concerned if you weren't getting cramps.....and yes that line looks darker xx

They're not awful cramps, just coming and going and exactly like period pain. Don't they say the cervix is supposed to go soft though? Mine's not.


----------



## Lyns

CurlySue said:


> Lyns said:
> 
> 
> They're not awful cramps, just coming and going and exactly like period pain. Don't they say the cervix is supposed to go soft though? Mine's not.
> 
> They sound totally normal early pregnancy cramps, and the cervix is a *very *loose indicator of pregnancy or not....mine never did what it was supposed to and is never where its supposed to be either, pregnant or not, however, please please don't spend too much time up there prodding and poking it, as that really isn't gonna help, and if you end up bleeding (cos its REALLY sensitive right now) thats only gonna freak you right out more......so STEP AWAY FROM THE CERVIX MISSY! Please! xxxClick to expand...


----------



## MrsJD

Just checking in! I see your HPT is darker this morning :happydance:

X


----------



## mum2joe

Hey *Mummy-to-be* just checking in on you :hugs:, knew you wouldn't be able to resist pee-ing on anything that moves :rofl: (I only took 12 tests...just to make sure :blush:)
Liking the look of your darker FRER!

I am into my 8th week & the cramps are still on the go at various times- it's all good, you should be cramping- you are making room for those twins!
Hope you are starting to believe it now you great 'na-na!
xxxx


----------



## CareBear

That FRER is definitely darker today!! Yippee! And no 1mg of HCG would not give BFP's especially not as dark as that. I am so happy this looks like it has worked - starting to re-think my decision on IVF! When is AF due and when is official testing day? I look forward to seeing a digi confirm this soon!


----------



## Brambletess

Yes period like cramps are normal so get used to them. Try not to worry about every little thing. I know it is hard but other than living as healthily as possible you have no control over this, so just enjoy it. Hopefully you will start feeling sick soon and that will take your mind off things!!


----------



## CurlySue

Lyns, I haven't checked around there much, hee, just to see what it felt like. It just felt hard. I just thought it was supposed to be soft but I guess everyone's different. God, I hope to still be in this position next week. Going to a garden party that will be full of kids. Will kill me if anything changes. 

Mummy2joe - Hey, glad that the cramps are normal (they seem to be getting worse, ai). It seems we can never stop worrying or suffering doesn't it but hopefully it will all be good in the end! There is that magic little place that you are only four weeks away from though, love, so that is always great. 

Carebear - AF due Monday/Tuesday, Official test is supposed to be Wednesday. Still a long way away from that. I only hope I last that long :s

Suppose you are right, Bramble. Out of our control. Am a natural born worrier though. This is just my nature, really

<3333

I found a box of cheapies in my drawer. Had no idea they were there. God, I might become a POAS whore and I have never, ever been one of those before. I've only ever 'tested' once or twice before in all these years.


----------



## MrsJD

Oh you're more than welcome to join the POASWhore gang :rofl: It becomes a daily fix let me tell you!

X


----------



## CurlySue

MrsJD said:


> Oh you're more than welcome to join the POASWhore gang :rofl: It becomes a daily fix let me tell you!
> 
> X

Well the internet cheapie of yesterday, the one that was only visible when you tilted the screen, is now well and truly :bfp:

That shows a progression, at least, since it wasn't even FMU I used. 

As for daily fix, it will be a daily fix until OTD on Wednesday. It's only fun because I've never seen lines before. I am now, after doing that IC today, accepting that it is real. It was barely visible yesterday morning. Now you can see it clearly. It's a progression of the same test and trigger wouldn't multiply overnight, would it, if that was it?


----------



## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> MrsJD said:
> 
> 
> Oh you're more than welcome to join the POASWhore gang :rofl: It becomes a daily fix let me tell you!
> 
> X
> 
> Well the internet cheapie of yesterday, the one that was only visible when you tilted the screen, is now well and truly :bfp:
> 
> That shows a progression, at least, since it wasn't even FMU I used.
> 
> As for daily fix, it will be a daily fix until OTD on Wednesday. It's only fun because I've never seen lines before. I am now, after doing that IC today, accepting that it is real. It was barely visible yesterday morning. Now you can see it clearly. It's a progression of the same test and trigger wouldn't multiply overnight, would it, if that was it?Click to expand...

Reading this made me smile. I so pleased for you that it's your turn to see two lines.

The trigger shot has gone! You're just worried because of that. You said yourself, you watch it disappear.

I think we need to pinch you CurleySue, this is for real, enjoy your peace!

:hugs:

X


----------



## CurlySue

I do need pinching. Made a little Photo Album for the Toffee Crisps in the hope it will make them feel loved enough to stick around...

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/bfps.jpg

Still a question, not yet a statement...


----------



## MrsJD

I'm sure they will be feeling the love already.

Loving the album and what a great bunch of lovely lines. I must admit though, I reckon you're a POAS Whore!

X


----------



## CurlySue

MrsJD said:


> I'm sure they will be feeling the love already.
> 
> Loving the album and what a great bunch of lovely lines. I must admit though, I reckon you're a POAS Whore!
> 
> X

I am. When you fight this long and hard to even see a hint of something you want to make sure it's still there. 

I have honestly only ever done it once or twice before. I've never believed in testing before period is due because what's the point, but I had been testing to see when the trigger shot was out of my system this time.


----------



## MrsJD

I believe you! 

I'm hoping your toffee crisps get right at home in there and give you peace of mind by next wednesday, which I'm sure they will.

What's Toby's thought on it all?

X


----------



## CurlySue

MrsJD said:


> I believe you!
> 
> I'm hoping your toffee crisps get right at home in there and give you peace of mind by next wednesday, which I'm sure they will.
> 
> What's Toby's thought on it all?
> 
> X

Dunno really. She was around yesterday doing her little cheerleading thing, which was sweet.


----------



## Mrs G

OMG, loving those double lines!!! :happydance:


----------



## CurlySue

I like the lines. The cramps? Well, if I knew no better, AF would be on its way tonight...


----------



## toby2

toby thinks I should have said i work on thursday and fridays with no access to bandb!!!


----------



## toby2

CurlySue said:


> I do need pinching. Made a little Photo Album for the Toffee Crisps in the hope it will make them feel loved enough to stick around...
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/bfps.jpg
> 
> Still a question, not yet a statement...

I am just loving this-it is absolutly lush!!I dont know much about chem preg but its my understanding they give a faint line that doesnt progress and yours sure is!!!So exciting to be sharing with you,honestly try not to worry about the cramps i hav had them with all of my pregnancies-like lyns said they happen all the way through,with a bit of spotting just to really mess your head sometimes!
Those toffee crisp's are lodged I reckon....its a long journey but they there!!


----------



## toby2

I think the toffe crisps love the cheer leading!!!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
the toffee crisps!!!
:hugs: thats them snugging in tight!
xxx


----------



## Lilly123

Congrats again hun!!! xxxx


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> I think the toffe crisps love the cheer leading!!!
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> toffee crisps toffee crisps rah rah rah !!
> :happydance::happydance::happydance:
> yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
> the toffee crisps!!!
> :hugs: thats them snugging in tight!
> xxx

Aw they love them, don't they, them toffee crisps? Clearly they love the cheerleading off your Toby the Tiger. 

:hug:


----------



## CurlySue

Tanya said:


> Congrats again hun!!! xxxx

Aw thanks (I think...ai, don't want to get complacent!) I hope the stimming doesn't 'do you in' too much. TBH I didn't find it that bad. The progesterone though? Well, you have that all to look forward to.


----------



## toby2

Your album was such a lovely sight when I logged on tonight!
you do know now you have those two lines you cant do chores/cooking/house duties unless you really feel like it dont you????and it is very important that the toffe crisps have every whim catered for,preferably by your oh!
:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## CurlySue

Ha! I'm sure J would love that. I just did the tea. It was nice, I must say. Did a lovely healthy tea which was easy to prepare. He can't cook to save his life but he did do the dishes...


----------



## toby2

thats a good start!!
hugs for you, will drop by tomorrow to see the next page in your album
(did I mention how very excited and pleased i am for you yet????am hoping you can see it in the cheerleaders!)
xx


----------



## CurlySue

You did, love, and it is very lovely. I do hope to have a ticker just like yours soon...


----------



## toby2

awwww bless you-cant wait to see it, now just have to keep fingers crossed i get to keep mine
x


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> awwww bless you-cant wait to see it, now just have to keep fingers crossed i get to keep mine
> x

Maybe your little Ferrero Rocher/Cream Egg will stick this time.


----------



## toby2

anymore lines to share????


----------



## maz

Where's today's POAS offering???


----------



## CareBear

Loving that collection of lines and I can't wait until Wednesday as you will know it is most definitly true at that point! Do you have to call the hospital and let them know and will they give you an early scan at about 7 weeks?


----------



## Pippin

:wohoo: congrats on getting the darker lines, a true sign they are making themselves a comfy little nest in there and such great colour from the IC's (they really are shit so levels musts be very nicely rising). As everyone said cramps totally normally will probably go in a few days. Don't be worried about POAS, I took over 25 tests of various brands to make sure levels were rising and they gave me great piece of mind. Do you have a 6 or 7 week scan at the hospital? I had one at 7 weeks and it really helped put my mind at ease. I had to pay for it but it really put our minds to rest and from one worrier to another I truly recommend it. Congrats again hon and start enjoying it. xxx :happydance:


----------



## toby2

big love to you and the crispies, hope you ok
xx


----------



## CurlySue

Haha, I did another one this morning (bad me) - a Superdrug one. Hee, did not take a picture though because OH is around and he would just laugh at me. It's pretty much the same as yesterday, fractionally darker, but it had only been half a day since I did the Superdrug one yesterday so I wasn't really expecting it to be. It's funny. I am such a lunatic that I looked up "11dpo" and "12dpo" on google images just to see if mine look like that. 

Feeling a little bit more comfortable about it, now. The cramps have eased off a lot (so I now worry that I DON'T have them) and since the test was no lighter this morning I can only imagine that it would be had it suddenly turned 'chemical' wouldn't it?

I am such a worrier though. I am going to do the Digi on Tuesday morning. That's what day my period is due anyway. I'll phone the hospital on Tuesday maybe and say that I fucked up one of the progesterone bullets (I actually did...I dropped it down the toilet) and that they told me to take the test the last day I take the progesterone. I only hope it holds out until then. That is three days away, after all. 

*Carebear *- I have to phone on Wednesday either way, positive or negative. If positive they will do me a prescription so I can take part in this luteal support trial, if negative they will arrange a follow up appointment to discuss options. If positive, there is a scan three weeks later and because of luteal support study, a further scan 5 weeks after that. Then another at 12 weeks. Not sure how it works though. Have never had to do it before.


----------



## CareBear

Thats sounds good plenty of scans which will be reassurring! Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you and the crispies till Tuesday x


----------



## toby2

For the crispies, because they love it so!
:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
:dance::dance::dance::dance::dance:
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
glad you are feeling a bit more comfortable with it all, save you poas efforts and sneak a pic when oh isnt looking!
hospital follow up sounds good,those scans will def help it seem real for you and reassure you
lots of love
xx


----------



## CurlySue

Sneaked one, Toby. 

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-23.png

He's in the shower so he can't see my lunacy. Not doing another one until Tuesday now defo.


----------



## MrsJD

Having your daily fix mrs? :rofl:

Nice and dark!

X


----------



## CareBear

Looks like a lovely BFP!!! Can't wait till Tuesday x


----------



## toby2

CurlySue said:


> Sneaked one, Toby.
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-23.png
> 
> He's in the shower so he can't see my lunacy. Not doing another one until Tuesday now defo.

lovely dark line!!!!hey,anyway wheres the lunacy in posting your poas on the internet??hey??!!!:rofl:
am loving your lines!


----------



## CurlySue

MrsJD said:


> Having your daily fix mrs? :rofl:
> 
> Nice and dark!
> 
> X

Hee, well, people had told me to earlier so I thought I should, really. Plus, I am still totally unconvinced that it is not going to disappear!!! Hasn't, yet. Feeling utterly sick as well so hoping it's a good (well, y'know, good for the context) sign.


----------



## Lyns

Just loooooving the lines hunny! And I think you are being incredibly restrained....I think I would be doing one of each brand every time I pee'd! xx


----------



## maz

Lovely new test and lovely ticker mrs ...


----------



## CurlySue

Hee the ticker is temporary. It's probably tempting fate but I always wanted one and I thought that if I sent some boldness/positivity to the toffee crisps they might cling on for a little while (hopefully a long while) longer. I'm very aware that many are lost, though, so it'll stay tentative.

Hee restrained. I'm just nervous, really, Lyns. I have these cramps and become utterly paranoid and I just need reassurance, really. I have a friend who said she used to do 5 or 6 a day for the first three months so I'm not_ entirely_ unusual.


----------



## Lyns

I can understand nerves sweetie....I think I did about 5 a day in my last pregnancy. One day I was so freaked at not feeling as pregnant, I drove a 50 mile round trip just to buy a digi to see if the conception indicator concurred with my dates ( I am REALLY in the sticks here - they still use rabbits in pregnancy tests round here I thnk!)

You pee on anything you like....we're just loving the results, and praying that its all sweet, plain sailing from now on for you!!


----------



## CurlySue

Lyns said:


> I can understand nerves sweetie....I think I did about 5 a day in my last pregnancy. One day I was so freaked at not feeling as pregnant, I drove a 50 mile round trip just to buy a digi to see if the conception indicator concurred with my dates ( I am REALLY in the sticks here - they still use rabbits in pregnancy tests round here I thnk!)
> 
> You pee on anything you like....we're just loving the results, and praying that its all sweet, plain sailing from now on for you!!

Not doing it again, promise ;) Not until Tuesday. Should be Wednesday really but I only have a few progesterone thingies left. I probably have enough but bugger it, I'll phone up on Tuesday.

OH wants to shout it from the rooftops. We went to his grandma's today (they have this Saturday Morning Breakfast thing) and we were sitting in the garden with his auntie. He blurted it out. Said he couldn't hold it in any longer. That's the trouble with IVF. You can't do the "twelve week" thing because everyone knows you're having treatment and know it's either a yes or no answer. Downside, really. 

Fifty miles? My God, that is nerves! We have a Superdrug and Home and Bargain five minutes away so if we want pee sticks they are within easy reach, luckily.


----------



## toby2

am loving the tentative toffe crisp ticker!
have a good day and poas away,dont tell anyone but i still average two a week at the mo!
x


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> am loving the tentative toffe crisp ticker!
> have a good day and poas away,dont tell anyone but i still average two a week at the mo!
> x

I will probably be the same if I get that far. Woke up crampier than ever. Progesterone is an awful thing, I reckon. I'm hoping it's that anyway.


----------



## CareBear

Loving the ticker and bless you OH! He must be so excited!


----------



## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> toby2 said:
> 
> 
> am loving the tentative toffe crisp ticker!
> have a good day and poas away,dont tell anyone but i still average two a week at the mo!
> x
> 
> I will probably be the same if I get that far. Woke up crampier than ever. Progesterone is an awful thing, I reckon. I'm hoping it's that anyway.Click to expand...

Morning you!

Cramps are normal, as most people have probably told you but it doesn't stop you worrrying.

Try and rest and take it easy!

:hug:

ps lovely ticker!


----------



## MrsF

:hug::happydance::hug::happydance::hug::happydance::hug:
so pleased to read your updates mate!!!!!!! many congratulations!!!!!!! x x x x x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## CurlySue

Last one I'm doing for awhile - 

https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-24.png

Melikes.


----------



## mum2joe

yeeeeehaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! :yipee::yipee::yipee:
what a bloody lovely sight- so,so happy for you & dh (& your beautiful toffee crisps too of course!!), looking forward to sharing the journey with you darling :hugs:
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## toby2

what a beautiful sight!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## maz

Lovely new POAS ... I'm chuffed for you.


----------



## Lyns

CurlySue said:


> Last one I'm doing for awhile -
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-24.png
> 
> Melikes.


Melikes too! Very very much! xxxx


----------



## Ilove

:happydance::happydance::wohoo::yipee: yay Im so happy for you


----------



## Pippin

:wohoo: excellent sight. Can I bet £50 you have healthy twin beans in there please I'm a bit skint at the moment? Those levels are sure rising quickly :happydance:


----------



## CurlySue

Well I phoned hospital to tell them that i Had ran out of progesterone and the woman was a right bitch. "YOu shouldn't have tested early. It could be a false result." A day early? When it's been positive for a week? "Do another test in the morning and phone us then." FFS, was she not listening? I ran out of progesterone. Their precious study will be useless if I've gone a day without it. It's supposed to be 'constant luteal support'. Why do they make you feel like naughty school children? Bints!


----------



## CurlySue

ps think it's only one, Pippin, aw. After all, it says 2-3 weeks and it is 2 weeks and 1 day since I conceived.


----------



## trickytrouble

To my lovely old time LTTTC buddy, you finally did it !!!! (of course it has taken something of this nature to make me post on here !!).

Am so happy I could burst into song but wouldnt want to embarrass myself or you for that matter lol

Its your time now, just watch how the time will fly by :)

Wishing you, Leo and Lucas (or Leona and Louise be it the case lol) the most amazing journey.

mucho love..

from your mate down sarf.. lol

TT xx :hugs:


----------



## CareBear

CurlySue said:


> Last one I'm doing for awhile -
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-24.png
> 
> Melikes.

Me likes too! Best picture I've seen for a while!!


----------



## CurlySue

trickytrouble said:


> To my lovely old time LTTTC buddy, you finally did it !!!! (of course it has taken something of this nature to make me post on here !!).
> 
> Am so happy I could burst into song but wouldnt want to embarrass myself or you for that matter lol
> 
> Its your time now, just watch how the time will fly by :)
> 
> Wishing you, Leo and Lucas (or Leona and Louise be it the case lol) the most amazing journey.
> 
> mucho love..
> 
> from your mate down sarf.. lol
> 
> TT xx :hugs:

Aw sing, damn you. Something from the Sound of Music. High on a Hill lives a lonely goatherd?

Haha Leona and Louise almost sounds like Leona Lewis.


----------



## CurlySue

CareBear said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> Last one I'm doing for awhile -
> 
> https://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb162/lalazapa/Picture2-24.png
> 
> Melikes.
> 
> Me likes too! Best picture I've seen for a while!!Click to expand...

Aw love. It is always nice to be reassured. After all, if people want something official they say 'put it in writing' don't they?

:hug:

Hope all is well


----------



## toby2

:bike: for clinic lady
each day that goes by must feel goooooooooooooood now!
xx


----------



## toby2

ps most people dont crack their digi out till the day their period is due and the first one normally says 1-2wks...........not that i am saying anything or nothing or something!
x


----------



## CurlySue

Well, Toby, my period was due yesterday or today and I expect if I'd tested a few days earlier it would've said 1-2. At 4+1 weeks I would be in perfect range for 2-3.

I would feel bad for the other toffee crisp, I mean, was it Iniesta Toffeecrisp or Xavi Toffeecrisp that stuck around? I love them both equally so either one would be fine but I would feel bad for the one that 'didn't make it'


----------



## toby2

must be a funny feeling for you
x


----------



## CurlySue

To be honest I am not really putting too much into it all. I'm still not quite believing that things are going to be okay. I actually feel very detached from everything. I don't feel anything. Felt slightly sick and crampy just the other day but that's all gone, now. No symptoms at all.


----------



## toby2

sometimes its good to be a bit distant,not always a good thing but sometimes it saves your sanity -its a strange time with lots going on and no way for you to know about it either which way, i cant imagine the thoughts and feelings you must be having at the moment,its such a huge thing you are going through-just know i will be here to cheer on you and the toffee crisps as long as you need
x


----------



## CareBear

Hi! Have you spoke to the hospital yet and got the next stage options? Hope you're feeling ok today!


----------



## CurlySue

Spoke to them this morning. They are apparently not doing the trial they went on about, the progesterone trial, despite giving me three forms and indicating how great it is in reducing miscarriage rates. Seriously, wtf is this hospital?

I do have a scan booked on 22nd July though and having spoken to GP also have an appointment on 20th July. 

Honestly, though, the more time passes, the more ridiculous this hospital gets. If I could, I would have my kid elsewhere.


----------



## Lyns

Sounds like my hospital, I went along a couple of weeks back for my FS appointment (after recurrent mc), and her opening line was " I don't have any notes for you....what is wrong with you?" Erm....thats what we're here to find out, love!

Good luck for your scan sweetie...how far along will you be then? 7 and bit weeks? That should be good if it is as you will see a hb.....or two!


----------



## toby2

crappy hospital-its good you have a scan date now
xx


----------



## maz

YIPPEE for your scan date. Bloody hospitals - don't know their arse from their elbow...


----------



## CareBear

Hospitals are rubbish, glad you've got an early scan booked hun x


----------



## toby2

:hug: for you and the toffee crisps
x


----------



## CurlySue

Thanks Girls. Hugs to you all back.

Still getting no symptoms. How normal is this? It's actually worrying me...


----------



## rachelle1975

Hey CS

Glad you have a scan sorted although crap about the hospital stuff.
Friend on another forum had no symptoms until she got to 8 weeks and that was a couple of days of sickness and nothing else! She swore by testing once a week until her first scan for peace of mind :hugs:


----------



## toby2

early pregnancy is a very weird thing and diff for everyone-no symptons are normal and loads of symptons are normal too!
for me i dont usually get anything till six weeks and then some days will have loads:sickness, sore (*)(*),bloatedness, tiredness and other days none. Lots of people panic there will be nothing on their scan because they dont feel preg at all-its all going on but you just dont know!!!
xxxx


----------



## CurlySue

I don't feel pregnant! I don't feel anything. I wake up at 5am, fall asleep at 9pm, but that's the same amount of sleep, just a disruptive patter. I'd normally get up at 7am and sleep at 11 so it's just shifted back 2 hours. 

I occasionally have cramps. They can be quite bad or nothing at all. 

I want symptoms, just so the Toffee Crisp tells me it's still there. Did another cheapie today. Have a load, now, just for peace of mind. It's not getting any lighter. Pretty decent line for a cheap shit test but I just can't get round the 'no symptoms' thing. 

What I'd give for a bout of proper sickness and I HATE being sick. Would give me peace of mind though.


----------



## toby2

Believe me when i tell you i know EXCATLY how you feel-i like my sympton filled days and hate the 'normal' ones. Cheapie test will help reassure you and are a good plan, three weeks till your scan and until then i say bring on the :sick: toffee crisps!
xx


----------



## CurlySue

Yeah make me sick, you damn bugger(s).

There is an annoying brat kid outside right now. Enough to put me off kids for life. Almost.


----------



## toby2

but because your child will be practically perfect in everyway dontcha know!!:)


----------



## toby2

:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:sick::sick::sick:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:sick::sick::sick:
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:sick::sick::sick:
come on toffee crisps!!
xx


----------



## Pippin

:yipee: for scan date and strong IC's. As for no symptoms that is perfectly normal. I had nothing till 6/7 weeks then only slight nausea, proper nausea came and went after about week 8 but I haven't been sick with it. Nausea went all together week 11. Boobs stopped hurting at 14 dpo and only get very, very occasional stabbing pains in my nips when I'm cold. So basically no symptoms is fine, don't panic although I know it's hard. When they do kick in they can come and go very quickly. Hope it's all sinking in now :happydance:


----------



## toby2

hurrah for the weekend,rest up with your toffee crisps
x


----------



## baby1moretime

Wow an amazing journey you sound also amazing keep sticky bene/s sending you lots of sticky vibes :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:
:hug:


----------



## toby2

:hi:


----------



## CurlySue

Aw bless you, Toby. Am just in nervy edgy negative mood at the minute, convincing myself of all kinds, and I am really trying not to but I cannot help it. The toffee crisps do enjoy your cheerleading. I just wish I could feel it/them.


----------



## Sambatiki

Hi hun! 

Hope you dont mind me popping in to wish you lots of luck with this pregnancy! 

I REALLY hope that you can start believing soon.... but I understand your defense mechanism. 

Wishing you lots of luck for a 'boring' pregnancy! xxx


----------



## toby2

CurlySue said:


> Aw bless you, Toby. Am just in nervy edgy negative mood at the minute, convincing myself of all kinds, and I am really trying not to but I cannot help it. The toffee crisps do enjoy your cheerleading. I just wish I could feel it/them.

:hug: must be really tough at the moment but just remember as each day goes by the odds get better and better:hug:
you will feel them move before you know it but until then i am sending you some gentle :sick: vibes so the toffee crisps make their presence to you known should be with you next week sometime(aprox!)
hope work is ok and they are being gentle with you and you have remembered the absolutly no housework whatsoever rule!!when you are feeling neative coe and rant in your journal or something, may help to let it go a bit, as i have said before i dont believe it will affect your toffee crisps but its nicer for you if you dont keep it all in........think i may have spent to much time with my counseller but you know what i mean!!!


----------



## CurlySue

Am just so tired of all this not knowing. I am now convinced I have a blighted ovum and this is why I have barely any symptoms at all. The one symptom I DO have is wanting to sleep


----------



## Nicnac

CurlySue said:


> Am just so tired of all this not knowing. I am now convinced I have a blighted ovum and this is why I have barely any symptoms at all. The one symptom I DO have is wanting to sleep

Hey CS,

I understand your reluctance, but tiredness is a major symptom!!! 

I'm sure they'll all come in leaps and bounds, and this time next week, you'll be typing and puking, whilst holding still so sore bb's don't hurt, and secretly yearning for pickled onions and cream.

:hugs::hugs:

Big :hug:


----------



## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> Am just so tired of all this not knowing. I am now convinced I have a blighted ovum and this is why I have barely any symptoms at all. The one symptom I DO have is wanting to sleep

Oh CurleySue :hugs:

if it's any consolation I had a blighted ovum in January and I had major symtoms with it!

XXX


----------



## Lyns

Sweetie, morning sickness doesn't really kick in until 6 weeks. I've often said the only sympton I have ever had in early pregnancy is no symptons. I promise you there is a big gap from 4-6 weeks, where the cramps disappear, the sickness doesn't kick in, and tiredness is the only sympton. And yes, I'm talking my successful pregnancy here.

I'm sure you'll be fine.....is your doc/clinic not offering Beta HCG blood count tests to monitor levels rising? Surely you'd be entitled to those? That should give you some reassurance.....


----------



## maz

I hope you get some stronger symptoms soon to help ease your worries ... I'll go do my vomit dance this evening if you wish ... :rofl:


----------



## CurlySue

maz said:


> I hope you get some stronger symptoms soon to help ease your worries ... I'll go do my vomit dance this evening if you wish ... :rofl:

Please summon the carrot, Maz. It'd really make me feel better <3

Nicnac, thanks for that. I know that tiredness is a symptom but in truth the fact that I've been up since 5am most mornings for no reason whatsoever is most likely what is causing the tiredness. 

I just cannot imagine there is anything 'in there' and I have this vivid image of turning up for the scan and them saying "Sorry, there is a sac but fuck all else!" Could be denial, could be something else. It's just horrifying, this wait. Am so tired of waiting. 

Lyns - my hospital offering blood tests? Seriously? They send people away for four months with drugs without even testing if they are working. They tell you to do a Clearblue 16 days after your embryo transfer and say "Ah, right" if you phone them to tell them you are pregnant. They promise to put you on a progesterone trial if you get pregnant, get your hopes up that it will be a major reduction in miscarriage risks if you take part...and then tell you "Sorry, the trial isn't on at the minute." My hospital sucks balls!!!!!


----------



## toby2

come and join me in the vomit dance maz, i have been doing it for the toffee crisps since last week!!!
tiredness is a great sympton
xx


----------



## maz

Bring on the carrots!!!!!!

Carrots, carrots, carrots, carrots!!!!!

:rofl:


----------



## toby2

:hug: for you and the toffee crisps:hug:
i guess because of your journey so far you are never going to trot along in the bubble of naive bliss that many first timers(including me the first time) have BUT just because you know all the things that can go wrong it doesnt mean they will. It is the weirdest of all feelings that all that stuff can go on in there and you be unware of it but thats just how it is and i guess nothing much will reassure you till you see it your self-thats a feeling i understand well but just hang on in there, your doing fab
xxx


----------



## toby2

you did ask....
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:sick::sick::sick:
\\:D/\\:D/\\:D/
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
:sick::sick::sick:
\\:D/\\:D/\\:D/


----------



## CurlySue

maz said:


> Bring on the carrots!!!!!!
> 
> Carrots, carrots, carrots, carrots!!!!!
> 
> :rofl:

Have you noticed there is carrot in puke even if you don't even eat carrot? Baffles me, that does. 

Vomit Dance. Like a Rain Dance only the backing music is S Club 7.


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> :hug: for you and the toffee crisps:hug:
> i guess because of your journey so far you are never going to trot along in the bubble of naive bliss that many first timers(including me the first time) have BUT just because you know all the things that can go wrong it doesnt mean they will. It is the weirdest of all feelings that all that stuff can go on in there and you be unware of it but thats just how it is and i guess nothing much will reassure you till you see it your self-thats a feeling i understand well but just hang on in there, your doing fab
> xxx

I'd LOVE naive bliss. I really would. Would love to be someone so confident in things that they would not even anticipate the possibility of something going wrong. 

Am trying, seriously I am, but I feel kind of bad for the toffee crisp(s) since I don't even believe they are in there.


----------



## toby2

you desperatly want them and willed them to be there,thats enough-they never need to know you didnt believe their were there. people place alot of value on positive thinking, and rightly so but ultimatly its not going to change the outcome,just your journey so please dont add that guilt to your worry
xxx


----------



## Pippin

I know how you feel CS after 3 years of not preventing we imagined the worse and dreamed of all the bad things. We paid for an early scan cos we just didn't believe it. PMA and I'll join you in the :sick: :happydance: to help. _Ps I was never sick so that sign never came for me only nausea at 7 weeks so don't panic if you don't either._


----------



## maz

CurlySue said:


> maz said:
> 
> 
> Bring on the carrots!!!!!!
> 
> Carrots, carrots, carrots, carrots!!!!!
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> *Have you noticed there is carrot in puke even if you don't even eat carrot?* Baffles me, that does.
> 
> Vomit Dance. Like a Rain Dance only the backing music is S Club 7.Click to expand...

I know ... How does that happen??? Not sure it's one I want to google though ...

How you feeling today?


----------



## toby2

for team toffee....
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
:serenade::serenade::serenade::serenade:
xx


----------



## CurlySue

Aw bless, you girls are lovely <333

Pippin, I know exactly what you are saying. We wait so long that it's natural we are expecting or anticipating something to go wrong. Its almost like we're not MEANT to get pregnant and if we do we're just waiting for something to go wrong. At the moment, I am convinced I have a blighted ovum. Next week it will probably be a missed miscarriage. Either way, I just cannot imagine walking out of that scanning room two weeks from now knowing there is something 'in there'. It's hard. But, it's just how I feel. 

Maz, the carrot thing has always been a mystery. Apparently it's something to do with the fact that the stomach finds it difficult to digest? But what if you have not had carrots in about six months and they are STILL there?

The vomit dance should continue. Not a diddly squat little piddling second of nausea. I've had cramps, pretty bad, and dare I be graphic and say I 'go' every three days now so I guess I have the old pationconsti...but, other than that? Nothing.

Tis what has me worried...

Having said that, I did a FRER this morning (was only four quid, wow) and it was like three times as dark as the control line, so that must be a good sign. Plus, I have not bled...another good sign? 

I hope, I hope...


----------



## Pippin

*All good things come to those that wait they say............ b****cks I say, we want it now!!!* That goes for the scans, morning sickness through to the birth. It will all come though so don't worry (yer right she says, but maybe if we say it enough it might sink in :winkwink:). I can't stress how different we all are and that goes for symptoms. I seem to have gotten off very lightly in most departments, I now see it as a good thing but it freaked me out for the most part.

Anyway now for that dance 

:happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick: :happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick:
:happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick: :happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick:
:happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick: :happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick:
:happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick: :happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick:
:happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick: :happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick:
:happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick: :happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick:
:happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick: :happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick::happydance::sick:


----------



## maz

CurlySue said:


> Maz, the carrot thing has always been a mystery. Apparently it's something to do with the fact that the stomach finds it difficult to digest? But what if you have not had carrots in about six months and they are STILL there?

If carrots are so hard to digest and come back up next time we vomit ... why do we not vomit sweetcorn or pineapple as they both end up in the sewage works in the same form they entered our mouths!!! Or so hubster tells me when we eat a hawaiian pizza.


----------



## toby2

yuk!!!!
constipation another splendid early sympton-thats two you have now!
xx


----------



## toby2

if it helps i have my scan tomorrow and i am scared too


----------



## CurlySue

Ah don't be scared. Then again, I say that, whilst worrying shitless about blighted ovums and missed miscarriages!!! I've been reading up far too much about them, Toby, I really have. 

Pippin, is probably okay to say you got off lightly now. I hope to be saying that in thirty weeks time. I COULD do without the need to vomit but it'd be terribly reassuring right now.

Even if it contained sweetcorn...which I have never eaten...but, Maz, you could always try the theory out. Next time you throw up, inspect it. Are there bits of corn? Bits of Peas?

Ah, today had really been a stupid day. Opinionated people really do my nut in and there seem to be opinionated people in abundance in the world right now.


----------



## toby2

mmc are cruel and i have had two in the last 10 months, am hoping thats my share over(not that i have googled them you understand but i believe they are relatively uncommon)
stop reading about all that stuff-that really isnt going to help, google the carrots in the sick thing if you need to google :)
As fro opiniated people, i think your right there are plenty around- i work in a school and when i went in today hardly anyone is talking to anyone else, i used to think i was a bit mental but today i learnt i am definately not the only one!!!
big love to you and the toffee crisps, its nearly the weekend and then you will be closer to 6weeks than 5-every day that goes past is a good day!
xx


----------



## CurlySue

Hopefully this will not be another one for you <3333

I can't stand the waiting, Toby. I really can't. That last week dragged and there is still 13 days before scan. I'm no longer tired or crampy and my boobs no longer hurt. You understand how much this worries me, no?


----------



## Nicnac

Hi hon,

Just wanted to pop by with some :hugs::hugs:. I can understand your worries, I'm exactly like that too. Part of me fears that if I ever see that second line, I'd spend the next 10 weeks wracked with worry and just cause myself stress. :hugs: I know it's easy to say, but you need to try and relax. 

Reassuringly, there's lots in peoples journals about symptoms coming and going over the first few weeks, and then wham bam, head down the can!!! :sick: 

As for the great vomit debate, :rofl:, I always thought the "carrots" were stomach lining? Or is that one of those urban myths?

Hope you have a lovely calming day, and far from wanting to see you in pain hon, but hope your boobs hurt like hell! :rofl:

Big :hug:


----------



## toby2

Curly sue my symptons stopped completely on friday and i felt back to normal but today I got my miracle- I can totally understand the worry you have but miracles really do happen and i cant tell you how much i hope you get yours. I can now also tell you for a fact it doesnt matter how negative you feel, other peoples positive thinking is enough, i didnt have a positive thought in my head but today, everything is ok. the waiting is horrible but the time will pass and we will all help you get there
xxxx


----------



## CurlySue

Nicnac said:


> Hi hon,
> 
> Just wanted to pop by with some :hugs::hugs:. I can understand your worries, I'm exactly like that too. Part of me fears that if I ever see that second line, I'd spend the next 10 weeks wracked with worry and just cause myself stress. :hugs: I know it's easy to say, but you need to try and relax.
> 
> Reassuringly, there's lots in peoples journals about symptoms coming and going over the first few weeks, and then wham bam, head down the can!!! :sick:
> 
> As for the great vomit debate, :rofl:, I always thought the "carrots" were stomach lining? Or is that one of those urban myths?
> 
> Hope you have a lovely calming day, and far from wanting to see you in pain hon, but hope your boobs hurt like hell! :rofl:
> 
> Big :hug:

It could be an urban myth. Not too sure to be honest. It's a famous mystery of the world though isnt it, how carrots always tend to reside within vomit? That makes me wonder if rabbits enjoy throwing up...

I never thought I'd see the second line. I see it now, but I don't really put any faith into it. It's really horrible. You stress for months and years about never getting a positive yet when you get one, you don't believe it will last. People keep talking to me about things baby related and I actually don't want to listen :s

Feeling a bit sick right now. And no, it's not nausea. It's the fact that Glen Fucking Johnson is wearing our sodding kit and trying to steal my gorgeous Arbeloa's place. WHY WHY did we buy a man who steals toilet seats and plaits his hair? WHY? 

I would like boob pain though. And sickness. Anything but the period pain I am feeling right now.


----------



## CurlySue

Aw bless you, Toby, you got through things. That is great :)


----------



## londongirl19

:happydance:HI Curly Sue! hope you dont mind but I just read your thread - well I skipped pages cos its so long :D - but as a girl who has "been there,done that" concerning IVF (mine failed) I just wanted to say congratulations and wish you the best of luck for a fabulous 9 month long pregnancy! I was never lucky enough to have success with IVF,so its wonderful to see your success on this page!:hug:


----------



## toby2

CurlySue said:


> Aw bless you, Toby, you got through things. That is great :)

thank you


----------



## toby2

:grr: (*)(*) :grr:
:grr: (*)(*) :grr:
:grr: (*)(*) :grr:
:grr: (*)(*) :grr:

this is the sore boobs dance for you
xxx


----------



## toby2

It must be hard having people knowing and talking to you about baby stuff you dont want to talk about
x


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> It must be hard having people knowing and talking to you about baby stuff you dont want to talk about
> x

When people haven't 'been through' it they assume everything is going to be fine. It must be such a lovely way to be. But we know that it isn't always the case, don't we, so we are more cautious. I don't want to talk about prams or maternity leave. My office manager, today, was actually taking me through the maternity pay scheme. I didn't say anything but I thought, is that wise? You had a miscarriage yourself once!!!

I am so happy you got your safe 12 weeks though. That is so lovely. 

Londongirl - of course i don't mind you making an appearance on this here thread. I only hope your next IVF is more successful <333


----------



## toby2

It was a milestone for me after the last two times-feels like a miracle
I would have found that very hard at work, i think it would be reasonable to say that you would rather wait till 12 weeks to talk about stuff like that, and to other people as well-it really is a bit much when your living in the day to day so much at the moment:hug:


----------



## toby2

by the way i am offically taking up the post of positive vibe maker for the toffee crisps now so you dont have to worry about that anymore-they are getting all the positive thinking they need from me and everyone around you
xx


----------



## CurlySue

It'd be really nice if they (if it is them, or he, or she, or whatever) would take away the very unpleasant abdominal cramping they have given me. All it keeps doing is making me feel like the bitch is around the corner!!! Don't they say a constant dull ache is bad? This one isnt coming and going really. Its been pretty much constant all day :{

Glad for your milestone. That is very lovely.


----------



## toby2

oh my lovely i dont really know about the ache thing-i know there is lots going on in there and things getting moved around so an ache doesnt seem unreasonable-could you have a uti? I gave myself one from frequently wiping and checking before and i think they can be fairly common early on as well
the biggest of all hugs for you and i hope it shifts soon so you can get a little peace of mind
dont go googling,its not good
xxx


----------



## CurlySue

Nah it's not a UTI. I am the queen of UTIs. I get them twice a month even at the best of times but I've actually managed to not get one so far. It actually does feel like period pain. Or, when I eat really spicy foods like Jalapeno Peppers, I get this dull abdominal ache. it feels like that, too. It's constant, though, and they say some cramping is common but constant cramping is not good. :s


----------



## Nicnac

Morning!

LMAO, over rabbits enjoying vomiting!!! :rofl::rofl:

Hope the aching's going off a bit for you. Came by with some PMA for you!!! 

The dull aching could be from your lady bits having a bit of a move around, or getting bigger? As one who has just returned from an hsg where they inflate your uterus with an effin jeffin balloon :shock:, it feels like a period pain that won't go. Maybe there's multiple Toffee Crisps getting all comfy and giving Mummy a bit of pain. It's not unheard of, is it hon? :shrug: 

Bit of dancing for you this morning too.

:grr:(*)(*):grr:
:grr:(*)(*):grr:
:grr:(*)(*):grr:

Have a super dooper day, try not to worry too much. :hugs:

Big :hug:


----------



## maz

CurlySue said:


> Nah it's not a UTI. I am the queen of UTIs. I get them twice a month even at the best of times but I've actually managed to not get one so far. It actually does feel like period pain. Or, *when I eat really spicy foods like Jalapeno Peppers, I get this dull abdominal ache*. it feels like that, too. It's constant, though, and they say some cramping is common but constant cramping is not good. :s

Maybe the rising hormone levels are making your digestive system a bit more sensitive to spicy foods now. Perhaps that's what is causing the constant dull ache and cramps.


----------



## toby2

hello my lovely, hows your day been?been thinking of you
x


----------



## toby2

:hug:curly sue and the toffee crisps:hug:


----------



## CurlySue

Nicnac said:


> Morning!
> 
> LMAO, over rabbits enjoying vomiting!!! :rofl::rofl:
> 
> Hope the aching's going off a bit for you. Came by with some PMA for you!!!
> 
> The dull aching could be from your lady bits having a bit of a move around, or getting bigger? As one who has just returned from an hsg where they inflate your uterus with an effin jeffin balloon :shock:, it feels like a period pain that won't go. Maybe there's multiple Toffee Crisps getting all comfy and giving Mummy a bit of pain. It's not unheard of, is it hon? :shrug:
> 
> Bit of dancing for you this morning too.
> 
> :grr:(*)(*):grr:
> :grr:(*)(*):grr:
> :grr:(*)(*):grr:
> 
> Have a super dooper day, try not to worry too much. :hugs:
> 
> Big :hug:

It's like a return meal, no?

Ah I'd like it to be the Toffee Crisps settling in and being pain in the arses but they still haven't made me sick. They've made me tired (or that could've been the utter t**t at work who I work for making me feel like shite) and they've made sex incredibly painful (not doing it again - the residual pain after 'orgasm' was awful) but they've done nothing else. 

Are they mellow Toffee Crisps or something?

Maz, you could be right. A new sensitivity to spicy food. How am I going to live? I love chilli peppers!!! 

Toby, I hope you are feeling okay and are happy and content in your thirteen weekness. You can buy a pair of socks now.


----------



## CurlySue

I keep looking at the First Trimester board and it's just weird. I don't think I like it in there. It's just like a gigantic room full of people just floating around. 

Random.


----------



## toby2

CurlySue said:


> I keep looking at the First Trimester board and it's just weird. I don't think I like it in there. It's just like a gigantic room full of people just floating around.
> 
> Random.

heh heh it feels a bit weird being in there doesnt it? am so glad things all ok at the moment, cant stop thinking about you and the toffee crisps-think i have moved the obssesion from my bean to your toffee crisps!I am actually 11wks and 6 days(knew i wasnt 13wks is the dr's date but i pretty much knew the second i ovulated so knew that wasnt right!)just cant remember how to change my ticker!
I am thinking its s good job the toffee crisps are mellow-makes up for the worrying that goes on the outside!
xxx


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> I keep looking at the First Trimester board and it's just weird. I don't think I like it in there. It's just like a gigantic room full of people just floating around.
> 
> Random.
> 
> heh heh it feels a bit weird being in there doesnt it? am so glad things all ok at the moment, cant stop thinking about you and the toffee crisps-think i have moved the obssesion from my bean to your toffee crisps!I am actually 11wks and 6 days(knew i wasnt 13wks is the dr's date but i pretty much knew the second i ovulated so knew that wasnt right!)just cant remember how to change my ticker!
> I am thinking its s good job the toffee crisps are mellow-makes up for the worrying that goes on the outside!
> xxxClick to expand...

It does. I mean, there are people on this board here who I just cannot seem to relate to and who wind me up incredibly (ignore button - I am using it, now, which I thought I would never do) but in there I just feel like I don't know anybody at all. Can't relate to ANYBODY. I know you are supposed to mingle to get to know people but there are just so many and I have never heard of any of them and it's just difficult. 

Haha your bean to my toffee crisp? I just hope there is Toffee Crisp in there. Everyone else seems to think there is but I just don't know.

Almost 12 weeks is good though, no?

As for them being mellow, I might like them to be NOT mellow as it might cause less anxiety!!!


----------



## Lyns

CurlySue said:


> I keep looking at the First Trimester board and it's just weird. I don't think I like it in there. It's just like a gigantic room full of people just floating around.
> 
> Random.

I detest first tri and if I am ever lucky enough to get pregnant again, I am staying LTTTC until 12 weeks and then going straight to second tri! I'm going nowhere near the place.

I found first tri full of people worried about whether they could eat something perfectly inane....like a boiled egg or pineapple, or even one 4 weeker, saying how bored of pregnancy she was already! :rolleyes: Try living in our world for a while huh?

Sorry, I've been MIA....had to go through the due date of one of my angels. Didn't really feel very chatty. Honestly, you still sound very pregnant for your stage for me....and I'm comparing it all to my one succesful pregnancy. I never had a hint of a hurl until 6 weeks, which is spot on, but did get a crampy, stretchy uncomfortable feeling, especially after eating. 

Am thinking you have a very snuggly Toffee Crisp or two and will smile in a few years when they are running round giving you hell...as to whether you even wondered if they were there at this point!

Stilll can't believe no ones even offered Beta HCG's....not even your GP? Mine did them for me, but I had to ask.


----------



## Nicnac

CurlySue said:


> IKWYM, I'm like that with TTC section too (the "finally" bunch!!!!:dohh:), just don't know anyone anymore, and these could be your 1st tri buddies. And I keep thinking if there isn't someone from LTTTC with me, no-one's going to really understand your fears for 1st tri.
> 
> Don't want to be down on the girls in there, I'm sure non of it's intentional, and I don't want to make your feel any worse about the situ, just empathising!!
> 
> Hope you have a good day
> 
> :hug:


----------



## CurlySue

Lyns said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> I keep looking at the First Trimester board and it's just weird. I don't think I like it in there. It's just like a gigantic room full of people just floating around.
> 
> Random.
> 
> I detest first tri and if I am ever lucky enough to get pregnant again, I am staying LTTTC until 12 weeks and then going straight to second tri! I'm going nowhere near the place.
> 
> I found first tri full of people worried about whether they could eat something perfectly inane....like a boiled egg or pineapple, or even one 4 weeker, saying how bored of pregnancy she was already! :rolleyes: Try living in our world for a while huh?
> 
> Sorry, I've been MIA....had to go through the due date of one of my angels. Didn't really feel very chatty. Honestly, you still sound very pregnant for your stage for me....and I'm comparing it all to my one succesful pregnancy. I never had a hint of a hurl until 6 weeks, which is spot on, but did get a crampy, stretchy uncomfortable feeling, especially after eating.
> 
> Am thinking you have a very snuggly Toffee Crisp or two and will smile in a few years when they are running round giving you hell...as to whether you even wondered if they were there at this point!
> 
> Stilll can't believe no ones even offered Beta HCG's....not even your GP? Mine did them for me, but I had to ask.Click to expand...

The thing is, I don't even feel right in here any more. It's just all so very weird. Most of the people I 'knew' when I first started have moved on, moved up. LTTC became a whole new playground. I didn't recognise anyone. I still don't, really. A few float around who I 'know' but not many. In First Timester? I don't even have a clue. It's just so vast. I've never done well in 'vast', always did better in a small group. I don't know what it is with me, though, but I am just getting wound up by the smallest little thing these days. 

Bored of pregnancy at four weeks? I am currently close to 6 weeks and I still don't believe I'm pregnant. I won't until 12 weeks. It's ridiculous, but I have not bonded with this pregnancy at all because I don't believe in it. It's denial, I know it is, but I'm certainly not 'bored' with hoping that it will stick around. It is all quite inane, in a sense. I ventured over to normal TTC a few weeks back and I don't even remember being like that. 

Am so sorry it was your due date. That must've been hard. i can't even begin to imagine and (don't take this the wrong way) hope never to be able to relate to that. Hope you never have to have another 'due date' that comes and goes with no baby also. 

I don't feel pregnant at all. I will be 6 weeks on Monday and hope for some hurling then. 

I still wonder if there is anything there. I am obsessed with blighted ovums and I fear so fully that I have one!!!

Beta HCG would've comforted me. I suppose I did my own 'Beta' in a sense using a Clearblue Conception Indicator. When I was 4 weeks the test said 2-3, when I was 5 weeks it said 3+. It's quite sad that we have to do it ourselves though isnt it? My GP just did a telephone consultation and told me to make an appointment with a midwife. That's it. That's all. The thing that I find really upsetting is these people who go for 7 or 12 week scans only to find out the baby died weeks before. Their suffering could've ended so much sooner if the care was better


----------



## CurlySue

Nicnac said:


> CurlySue said:
> 
> 
> IKWYM, I'm like that with TTC section too (the "finally" bunch!!!!:dohh:), just don't know anyone anymore, and these could be your 1st tri buddies. And I keep thinking if there isn't someone from LTTTC with me, no-one's going to really understand your fears for 1st tri.
> 
> Don't want to be down on the girls in there, I'm sure non of it's intentional, and I don't want to make your feel any worse about the situ, just empathising!!
> 
> Hope you have a good day
> 
> :hug:
> 
> I saw a post like that recently. Finally, it said. Then when you look back, this person started TTC in April 2009. I just cannot relate!!!
> 
> That is really how I feel. There are only a select few of LTTC who progress and it's sporadic at best. Most of the people I knew moved on weeks or even months ago. They are so far ahead, now. I know you are supposed to make new friends but it's hard when they cannot relate to your perceptions and your insecurities. There is this March Mummies thread in there which I kind of half joined but I simply cannot relate. Not at all.
> 
> Hope you have a good day also. And that the Balloon up your Bits has not caused TOO much discomfort.Click to expand...


----------



## toby2

its a funny thing isnt it? i never really posted in ttc, came into the forum through m/c and loss section and then joined a ttc buddies thread for people who had lost babies and also a ttc buddies thread tht seemed to have a nice,balanced mix of lttc,ttc, ttc after loss and mums-both those threads are ok with preg ladies posting on there so i guess i will stay there? there are a mix of people in 1st tri,some of whom have had varied journeys but its mainly people in a happy bubble-lovey for them but hard to be a part of when that is not what you are experiencing.
I know what you mean about not bonding, I kept telling myself i only might be preg and i wouldnt know until i had seen it, despite the many preg tests i continued to do. its ok to do that and i dont believe it will effect your toffee crisps one bit, if it makes you feel bad just remind yourself how wanted they are-thats much more important than wether you accept they are there at this point


----------



## toby2

almost 12wks makes me feel blessed-feel like i am 'in with a chance' the same as everyone else now, my previous m/c had already hppened by now so its more than reassuring.
I have no idea if it has any scientific backround but i kept doing clearblue indicator tests every week as i figured if i kept getting 3+ then i had at least enough hormones to be 5wks preg which was a source of some comfort to me
when is your scan? a week monday i think? alls you can really do is take care of yourself and try not to drive yourself too crazy while you wait-wouldnt it be great if you could just sleep till then!
xxx


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> its a funny thing isnt it? i never really posted in ttc, came into the forum through m/c and loss section and then joined a ttc buddies thread for people who had lost babies and also a ttc buddies thread tht seemed to have a nice,balanced mix of lttc,ttc, ttc after loss and mums-both those threads are ok with preg ladies posting on there so i guess i will stay there? there are a mix of people in 1st tri,some of whom have had varied journeys but its mainly people in a happy bubble-lovey for them but hard to be a part of when that is not what you are experiencing.
> I know what you mean about not bonding, I kept telling myself i only might be preg and i wouldnt know until i had seen it, despite the many preg tests i continued to do. its ok to do that and i dont believe it will effect your toffee crisps one bit, if it makes you feel bad just remind yourself how wanted they are-thats much more important than wether you accept they are there at this point

I've never been pregnant. I don't relate to miscarriage because have never had one, don't relate to second pregnancies because I've never had one. Don't relate to first month off the pill because i've had more than forty of them. It's just hard to know where to fit in really!!!

Whilst a lot of TTC people take it for granted, this 'getting pregnant' thing, I find a lot of LTTC people very bitter actually. I know I have been in the past (it's natural to be jealous) but there are some people who actually make me feel uncomfortable when they've been TTC for a long time. They become angry and self-absorbed. They become unreasonable. I understand why they do it and why they feel that way but it can be very cutting. The LTTC thing stains and cracks and marks us, but sometimes I find it makes people wholly unpleasant. 

It's hard, actually. Sometimes I wonder if we should just TTC quietly and alone because it's just not a nice experience is it? We need other people but it's hard finding the right people, the people who share how we feel and what we see. 

That is how I feel as well. I 'might' be pregnant. But I also might not. The only thing confirming it right now is two lines on a test and that, to me, isn't enough, yet. I need a heartbeat. I need some assurance that there is more than just HCG there. 

It/they is/are wanted. Very wanted. I don't want to 'want' them too much, though, because if it comes to be that there is nothing there it will only be that much harder to let go and come to terms.


----------



## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> almost 12wks makes me feel blessed-feel like i am 'in with a chance' the same as everyone else now, my previous m/c had already hppened by now so its more than reassuring.
> I have no idea if it has any scientific backround but i kept doing clearblue indicator tests every week as i figured if i kept getting 3+ then i had at least enough hormones to be 5wks preg which was a source of some comfort to me
> when is your scan? a week monday i think? alls you can really do is take care of yourself and try not to drive yourself too crazy while you wait-wouldnt it be great if you could just sleep till then!
> xxx

If I could afford to do that I would. I just don't think I can justify a tenner a week on pregnancy tests. My job is shite enough that my pay isn't great so it's not really do-able!!! I can see why you did it though and I am glad it gave you comfort. 

A week Wednesday...y'see? Time is dragging and dragging.


----------



## toby2

well, they are £14 for two in tesco which helped, its a stupid amount of money and i totally understand what you are saying, oh struggled with it but the mental look in my eye put him off saying much.
longest weeks of your life i am sure, tick tock tick tock-like i say a longterm sleep seemed very appealing to me!
My journey has been completly different to yours and obviously there is much you have been through/will go through that i wont recognise but i definatly recognise some of the feelings you talk about- jog along the journey with me, may not always help but might do sometimes
xx


----------



## CurlySue

Bless you, I will. 

Am feeling very introspective at the minute. I hate my job. I am only sticking it out until I have had a baby because I want the maternity pay. As soon as that is done I am going to figure out what I want, finally, because I can literally say I work for the nastiest, most arrogant tosser on the face of the Earth and I might not deserve the world but I deserve better than that prick!!!

It's making me very thoughtful, though. i always said, as soon as I have had a baby I will concentrate on my career. Until then I have just had shitty little stress free jobs that do not take up a lot of my time because I could only afford to worry about one thing at a time. As it is, though, this shitty little stress free job has turned out to be the most stressful thing in my life and the sad thing is, it's that one person who ruins it for me. 

If he left, then all would be well.

If he left... i might actually enjoy work again. 

All I keep telling myself is that there is a possiblility that I will only have 7 more months of this job. Then I can have 9 months off where I can figure out what I want to do with my time. 

Then I can finally say "Fuck you" to the fat, sneering little b*stard.

Sorry. Rant.


----------



## toby2

CurlySue said:


> Then I can finally say "Fuck you" to the fat, sneering little b*stard.
> 
> Sorry. Rant.

what a fab feeling that will be, personally i hope he leaves that would be better!!


----------



## maz

CurlySue said:


> I keep looking at the First Trimester board and it's just weird. I don't think I like it in there. It's just like a gigantic room full of people just floating around.
> 
> Random.

I found that during my 'very' short visit last year. I felt out of my depth and decided I wasn't going back into the pregnancy forums until I was in 2nd tri. 

:hug:


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## CurlySue

Have not even dared to see what Second Trimester is like. Feel like I'm tempting fate or something.


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## toby2

I think that when you are ready to visit them you will find somethings in common with the girls in second tri, even if there are many things you dont have in common, same as here I guess?take what you want and leave the rest, that kind of thing....
another day down!go the tc's!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:
getting stronger by the day
:bodyb::bodyb::bodyb:
:)


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## CurlySue

I still feel nothing. 6 weeks tomorrow and I don't feel pregnant at all. 

I want to feel something ffs...


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## toby2

((((((((())))))))) you know,everything could be perfectly fine and you may not get a single sympton until you feel it-not what you want to hear and of course symptons would be very reasurring but a lack of them is no indication either way, infact even having them and then them disappearing doesnt mean bad news. Personally i am hoping, since you are six weeks to the day tomorrow you will wake up with a big vom!


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## CurlySue

It seems bad to me, Toby. It just does. I've had this bad feeling since I first got a positive test that something wasn't right and the lack of symptoms is only intensifying that feeling.

The 10 days extra to wait? That's also making me feel nervous and edgy and empty as Hell...

If only there was better after care for IVF. Blood tests. Anything. You know, in other countries you get a scan at 5 weeks, 6 weeks, 7 weeks...why nothing here?


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## toby2

dont get me started on that, could have well done with out the 8week wait till my 12wk scan after 2 m/c-can only imagine its a money thing? i know you dont want to be doing it everyweek but may a cleablue thing would hlp reassure you until your scan?
I am not going to dismiss your bad feeling in anyway, it could be right but sometimes all the emotions, hormones et cloud your judgement- i was certain my bean had stopped growing before my scan as i had have symptons but few and sperodic, was really sick with my boy, have never had sore boobs or the need to wee etc with any of my pregs,succesful or unsuccesful and i was wrong, also you were adament you were going to get a bfn and you were, thank goodness wrong about that!! i feel for you i really do and if i knew anything tht made the wait easier i would share it with you-comming on here helps i think, it isnt good to have all that in your head
xx


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## Nicnac

Hi Hon,

How you doing this afternoon?

Sorry, I have to ask, who's the bog burglar? :blush:

:hug:


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## CurlySue

Nicnac said:


> Hi Hon,
> 
> How you doing this afternoon?
> 
> Sorry, I have to ask, who's the bog burglar? :blush:
> 
> :hug:

The B&Q Bog Burglar. Glen Johnson.

I'm alright. Bit tired, bit 'down' because of work and no symptoms though...

How are you?


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## toby2

hope works not too crappy today
x


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## Brambletess

Hi Curley Sue

I guess they make you wait 7 weeks as they sometimes don't see heartbeats until then. Once the heartbeat is seen they know it is a viable pregnancy. I know it really sucks having to wait. It nearly drove me out of my mind when i had to wait to have my first scan as I was so worried about ectopic. 

Try not to worry about lack of symptoms, not everyone has them and they kick in at different times. People still get symptoms with m/c, blighted ovum, so even if you had them it doesn't say a lot really. 

If you are really desperate to see whats going on indside you could always book an early scan, they cost about £60 - £100. 

Anyway following your pregnancy and hoping it starts to become more enjoyable soon. To be honest, though, once you see the little heartbeat, it will be fine for a week or so then you will worry about the 12 week NT scan, then after that will it make it to 24 weeks and so on. I guess i am saying, that there will be lots of worry ahead, so take it easy and do not google and symptom spot too much.

:hug:


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## CurlySue

Brambletess said:


> Hi Curley Sue
> 
> I guess they make you wait 7 weeks as they sometimes don't see heartbeats until then. Once the heartbeat is seen they know it is a viable pregnancy. I know it really sucks having to wait. It nearly drove me out of my mind when i had to wait to have my first scan as I was so worried about ectopic.
> 
> Try not to worry about lack of symptoms, not everyone has them and they kick in at different times. People still get symptoms with m/c, blighted ovum, so even if you had them it doesn't say a lot really.
> 
> If you are really desperate to see whats going on indside you could always book an early scan, they cost about £60 - £100.
> 
> Anyway following your pregnancy and hoping it starts to become more enjoyable soon. To be honest, though, once you see the little heartbeat, it will be fine for a week or so then you will worry about the 12 week NT scan, then after that will it make it to 24 weeks and so on. I guess i am saying, that there will be lots of worry ahead, so take it easy and do not google and symptom spot too much.
> 
> :hug:

Hi 

Quantitive blood tests would've been a good option though, don't you think? After IVF, I mean. They know the mental strain it puts on a person so to send them away without even checking they are pregnant using a blood test and have them wait three whole weeks seems like a very raw deal to me, really. I hear about these Beta tests to make sure the HCG is rising. It seems like procedure in most countries. It should be procedure here, if only for peace of mind. 

Only symptom I have is period pains. Seriously, I just feel like I am going to come on all the time. It comes and goes. Is pretty bad at the minute, actually. I'll be knicker checking all night, I think!!! 

I suppose for the sake of £100 I can wait another nine days. Kind of irritating though. You go through all of that treatment, all of those tests, all of those scans only to be told "Oh, right" when you tell them you had a positive test!!

I think the 7 week one is going to be the killer. I just don't believe there's anything there. I know it sounds ridiculous but I can vividly imagine getting there and being told "Sorry, it stopped growing two weeks ago!" Or, even worse, "there's a sac and nothing more."

I guess I am overly cautious with my emotions...

Good luck with your ICSI/IVF


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## CurlySue

toby2 said:


> hope works not too crappy today
> x

Was picky, nitty and tw*tlike...but I got through it, thanks.


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## toby2

I only work part time and have two days left until end of term, thursday and friday-so cant be arsed, how bad is that???
I have no idea but if you spoke to your gp about your concerns it is possible they may do you 48hr bloods for you?i think that is how many of the girls on here have got them done
x


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## CurlySue

Not much point really, Toby. My GP does not do bloods, would have to take two buses and take two half days off work, which I cannot do at the minute. I only have about nine days left to wait so I suppose I can handle it...


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## toby2

you will get there my lovely, these must be the slowest five weeks of your life EVER!
Your doing really well and each day that goes by with nothing happening is a good thing. I know you are worried about blighted ovums and mmc but they are not very common, nothing i say will stop you worrying i know but just hold on to the fact that you have made it this far and theres every chance everything is fine even if you dont think it is!
made a half hearted attempt to read a football story last night in the paper but i just dont get it.....
another day down today-have my inlaws arriving at the weekend-oh joy!
xxxxx


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## Brambletess

Yes I agree, quantative blood tests would be good and would help to put our minds at rest. I asked my GP for that when I was waiting for my first scan as with ectopics they don't usually double. He said they don't do that, so you are just left to stew and wait for scan. Its money saving isn't it. NHS won't pay for stuff that just reassures. I wonder if private patients can have blood tests or its a UK thing. Pisses me off too.

Those period pains are normal, its just all changing down there. Pains vary in intensity individually. My mate who is due any day, really suffered with hers and was taken in for a scan for ectopic at 6-7 weeks, which is wasn't - she only had to wait 2 hours for her scan lucky thing. She described hers as ranging from period pains to horrible one side cramps. 

I know you will worry until you see it, hope the time goes really quickly for you. :hug:


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## maz

I think the beta tests are a good idea as well.

When I was getting ready to do my second cycle, I had to go to my GP with a throat infection. While I was there I talked about the MC and my second cycle, and how if I was successful I'd like to have blood tests done. He felt that it 'could' be done, but that it may also cause a lot of unnecessary anxiety, if the levels weren't properly doubling. His advice to me at the time was to see how I felt when the time came ... well, I'm still waiting for that time to come, so we'll see how I feel then ...

Another day down hun. Not long to go.

:hug:


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## CurlySue

Ah, I dunno. I think blood tests would just have made me feel better. I had this utter sense of consuming dread today. I'm having 'up and down' moments. I just want this scan over with now, be it good or bad. If it's bad I can move on. I'm no longer waiting. If it's good then I can rest for awhile. 

it's the waiting that's doing me in. Brambletess, I'm sure you know how it is. It's numbing. It's desperate. 

And, Maz, when you do get to this point again I would recommend blood tests if feasible. Honest to Christ, this 3 week wait is worse than any 2 week wait I ever had. I can't even symptom watch because I have no sodding symptoms. I keep looking at my ticker and thinking "Liar!"


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## MrsJD

Oh CS! 

This must be driving you insane! Next week will be here before you know it and I know no matter what people say to you you'll not believe it until you see it. 

I still think it's shite that your hospital is putting you through the stress of all this, fucken muppets!

X


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## CurlySue

Its just the sodding NHS in general, MrsJD. They are appalling. I recall a few months back some American woman coming on here and more or less calling us all ungrateful *******s for moaning about a service that is 'free' but through all of this I have realised just what it means that a service is free. You get what you pay for in this world. 

Its mentally draining. I just want to know either way. It will kill me if there's nothing in there but it's the not knowing that kills even more.


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## MrsJD

Very true, we do get what we pay for!

I know how you feel, the waiting is the worst but honestly, from my experience not all pregnancies have symptoms this early. You'll find that once you've been scanned they will hit you all at once. The brain is wonderful & poweful but WEIRD and plays great tricks on the body.


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## CurlySue

I feel no connection with it at all, really. That scares me too, as if I am mentally preparing myself for the fact that it's not there.

It's getting harder to deal with as the days pass by. The only comfort I have is that I have not bled, but whenever I say or think that I always suffix it with "yet"...

Scary stuff!


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## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> I feel no connection with it at all, really. That scares me too, as if I am mentally preparing myself for the fact that it's not there.
> 
> It's getting harder to deal with as the days pass by. The only comfort I have is that I have not bled, but whenever I say or think that I always suffix it with "yet"...
> 
> Scary stuff!

You're just protecting your emotions which is understandable.

No connection, less pain! That's how we deal with alot of things in life! My last 3 MC's I didn't cry! I'm not an emotional person at the best of times. 

I know for a fact that you'll be fine and next week you'll connect with your toffee crisps.

:hugs:


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## CurlySue

It's hard. It's hard being given something and then fearing it's going to be taken away. It's best not to accept that you have it at all than risk losing it. It's a sad way to be but it's the only way of getting through any of this. 

I wish I knew that for a fact. I wish I could sit here and just KNOW there was something there. That'd be lovely. Apparently the next two weeks are the 'critical' weeks. 13 days to go until 8 weeks. Another landmark? Possibly...

:hug:


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## MrsJD

It's your way of dealing with this! 

You'll get through this, don't think of the statistics, once you've had your scan try not to think of these! Easier said than done I know but focus on your scan (which I know you're doing), small steps at a time is the key!

God I sound like some old woman babbling on, but I'm sure you'll understand what I'm saying!

X


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## CurlySue

I do understand. I just find it hard accepting that 'everything will be okay' - I couldn't get pregnant. What if I can't stay pregnant, either? 

Baby steps. God, I sound so awful, sorry for being a negative head. I'm sure you know how I feel in a way though. It's the overwhelming fear of having it taken away. The way I see it, if it's going to end, I'd rather it ended now rather than dragged on. 

On a side note it's been four weeks now and I STILL haven't been told what happened to my two embryos that they were looking to see if they could be frozen. God, the letter I write after this is all over is going to be immense...


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## MrsJD

LOL you don't sound awful Mrs, you bring yourself down too much! PMA vibes from tomorrow, get up, start afresh and you'll smile throughout the day (even if your boss is being a dick!).

In a way I do know how you feel, you've got this far, you'll make it to the end!

OMG your hospital gets worse! Bloody unbelievable, I'm gobsmacked! Do you know what, I think this is partialy why you have no faith in this whole pregnancy! If they had supported you then you'd be feeling more positive.

Lost for words CS! No wonder you're feeling the way you do.

X


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## CurlySue

They legallly have to tell me what happened to those embryos. What if I'd had a BFN though? I'd be utterly desperate to know if I had a back up option, wouldn't I? I know other people claim to have been told what happened to theirs. What about mine? Are they alive? Dead? Wouldn't even know. 

There is such a long list, honestly, I'm not even exaggerating. Such a long list of just how BAD they have been. And I don't mean just bad either, I mean bordering on negligent. You are right, in a way. They've done nothing to put my mind at ease, really. Its hard to have PMA when your treatment has been so terrible. 

I hope tomorrow will be a better day, I really do. I hope to wake up tomorrow and throw up all over the OH (heh!) That would make me feel better.


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## MrsF

Heya Curly,

Just wanted to give you some ((((((((hugs)))))))) and to say i'm thinking of you x x x x


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## toby2

hope you have had a good day today
xx


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## CurlySue

Day was okay thanks. Feeling a bit tired now though, but the footy's on later and I've missed it so can watch that. Will pass an hour or two at least. Work was okay as well, other than the fact that we're having our performance reviews and they terrify me. I always think I am going to be criticised completely!


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## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> I hope to wake up tomorrow and throw up all over the OH (heh!) That would make me feel better.

That made me laugh!

Hope you had a good day today and smiled alot.......My days been one fucked up day emotionally but that's another story so I'll PM you the details.

:hugs:


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## toby2

less than a week to wait now
:)


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## toby2

am so glad its friday-hope you and the tc's have a quiet weekend planned
x


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## Nicnac

Hey CS

Hope you're doing well and having a lovely start to the weekend.
Grab a pack of Lurpak, the week is over!!!!

:hug:


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## toby2

thinking of you-hurrah for saturdays i say
x


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## toby2

alllll by myseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf, dont wanna be alllllllllllllllllllllllllll by my seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelf....
hope everything is ok my lovely
xxx


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## CurlySue

Ah sorry, sorry, have been kind of in Avoidance Mode this week. Have felt kind of down and crappy and tried to stay away from the internet as much as I could. I think the closer it comes to the moment of truth the more horribly sad i am feeling, just in case!

I suppose I have a new 'symptom' though. I keep waking up at about 6am so hungry I feel like I've never eaten, but I had like a little midnight feast of crisps and biscuits and all kinds before I went to bed so I shouldn't be hungry, really. Its not morning sickness but morning hunger. Eh?

Toby, hope the inlaws are not too much of a pain in the arse!!!

MRS JD - Hope all is well with you re: PM you sent. I hope this is a good and not too stressful thing and that all is going according to plan with the Progesterone!


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## CurlySue

Nicnac said:


> Hey CS
> 
> Hope you're doing well and having a lovely start to the weekend.
> Grab a pack of Lurpak, the week is over!!!!
> 
> :hug:

God, it did need to be over as well. It's really doing my head in actually because I am wishing my weekends away so that I am closer to this bloody scan. What am I doing? It might not even be a good thing.


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## toby2

'The Hunger' is a GREAT sympton, means your body is using up all those extra calories building up those toffee crisps-eat up:thumbup:
By this point before my scan i was a jibbering, crying wreck, just horrible-I really feel for you I really do and i know what you mean about wishing that the days would pass and then panicking because they are passing-its just foul but you are nearly there.
I know nobody knows what the outcome will be but no bleeding and THE HUNGER are two very good signs that everything is going as it should in there.
The inlaws are always painful, i have a feeling my morning sickness will suddenly come back the two weeks they are here requiring me to spent alot of time in bed reading!!!!!
Keep going,nearly there
xxxxxxx


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## Nicnac

Hi hon,

I think hunger is a great sign, body requires more calories to fuel the toffee crisps growth. I think though this week it's all going to start for you. Loads of people mention 6/7 weeks, this empty stomach probably just the start.

I really sypmathise with time feeling slow, and just wishing your way through. It pains me to say, but work does make it go a little quicker. Your scan will roll around in no time. Have you got anything planned in the meantime? Count down in little chunks?

Football starts in a few weeks. Oh, and re Glen Johnson, I didn't think he was a bad buy, :shrug: Does ok for England. Why a bog burglar? :rofl: Do like that expression!

At least you guys didn't sign a player who's still injured and it was one of your own guys that injured him? :rofl: :doh:

Hope works not too bad this week and time :plane:

:hug:


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## MrsJD

CurlySue said:


> MRS JD - Hope all is well with you re: PM you sent. I hope this is a good and not too stressful thing and that all is going according to plan with the Progesterone!

Hey you!

Not good I'm affraid, I should have known that :cry: the only thing that's keeping me going is 2.50pm tomorrow when I see my gyne!

Hope you're well, read about your new symptom, TC's must be coming along nicely!

What day this week is your scan? It will take me forever to read back this thread, LOL

XX


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