# Would you take a 3rd old to a funeral?



## hypnorm

We lost a close family friend this morning and i am now not sure what to do.
Would you think it inappropriate to take a 3yr old to a funeral? Our friend Roy and his wife although more friends to my mum and dad had become friends of ours too, coming to our wedding and seeing me through college etc. Even used to come on holiday with us all.
It means that one of us will need to stay at home with Ewan, or we try and find a friend to baby sit.

Any advice would be appreciated!


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## Jo

I personally wouldn't take a 3yr old hun, it could be very upsetting to see other people upset, and you really can't guarentee he will sit through it all


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## Vickie

I tend to agree with Jo.


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## hypnorm

thats sort of what i was thinking, we are not sure if it will be a church thing or a crem. but he might be able to come to the wake. But we will see what is organised and if we can find baby sitter.


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## oOKayOo

i also wouldnt take a 3 year old. just for the fact people will be very upset its not a good surrounding for him.


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## dippy dee

We lost my mother in law 3 months ago and we didn't take our 3 year old to the church but did take them to the wake and then a few days later we took him up to the grave and explained, luckily we have tropical fish and had just lost a batch before mom passed so he kind of understood about things passing, we've told him that nanny is a special star now and he took it well.


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## Tilly

I wouldn't personally.

Sorry for your loss.


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## Barneyboo

:hug: I would try if you can and get a baby sitter x x


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## Carley

It depends on how close they were...I'd rather teach my child about them, then shelter them from it.


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## BeckyBoo

I know Mikey doesn't behave all the time. He was recently at a wedding and he's not far from 3 and made a kick up. So I'd be scared he'd kick up at the funeral, which wouldn't be fair on the family.


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## cherylanne

My daughter is 3 and i wouldn't take her to the funneral or the wake. It can be upsetting for the child to see people distressed and it's not fair on the grieving family.


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## hypnorm

Roy had known Ewan since he was a bump! and last saw him a couple of weeks ago.
i havent tried to explain it to him yet, but i will do.
Just have to see what is organised - i wont take him to the funeral thats for sure.


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## hypnorm

Doesnt look like i'll be going, OH can't get the time off work as he is self employed on his own there is no one to cover his work. So he cant have Ewan.
My friend can look after Ewan but said she would have to have him at work with her which i dont think is very fair, or safe as she works with adults who have special needs but live independantly. She doent think she can have time off to look after him which is fair enough, but i know my parents are going to get arsy because Tom wont have the time off to have Ewan, not so easy to do when you are a one man band, and work in big factories that can't just put it to another day.

Will suggest to dad that we just come to the wake if Ann is happy about Ewan coming, not ideal but at least i would be showing a bit of support.


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## Nikkie28

Hey, I took my 2yr old to a Funeral and she was ok.


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## mommy2

I personally would NOT take a 3 year to a funeral -- its too much for them --


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## hypnorm

Have spoken to the crematorium and they said it was fine and would pose no problemsif i brought him, and best not to shelter children from these things.
I probably wont take ewan in to the service but will take him to the wake, my worry is more that Ewan will start asking questions at the wrong time during the service.


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## Caroline

Daniel's grandand died when Gabriel was about 2 & 1/2. We sat wit him @ the back and if he had gotten fidgety, or started making a noise we would have taken him out. (OH family live 350 miles away & we too didn't have anyone to look after him). We debated for ages whether to take him or not, but he was fine.

He was as good as gold, and was a little star at the wake (TBH he was happy sat quietly with a plate of food, whilst everyone came & chatted to him).

I really think it depends on the child, how well they'll cope. 
I would maybe have a chat with your mum, and expalin your concerns to her, & maybe speak to Ann, some people find they can't cope with young children at these times, but sometimes people find it a help ( not sure if thats the right way to put it, but I can't think how to word it better).

I'm sure you will make the right decision. Its a very difficult one to make.
:hugs:


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## Tezzy

im trying to figure if we should take rhys to his great grandads funeral next week


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## hypnorm

Well I Ann has said she is happy for him to come and mum has said she will sit at the back with me, i will take a pocket full of smarties too!!
I havent explained anything to him, just that on wednesday we will be going somewhere special where he needs to be very good for Ann.
We have got him a special waistcoat and a little tie, then once we are home i will explain what has happened.
Ewan is pretty bomb proof, if i feel he is getting distressed or upset then i will take him out side. 
I cant shelter him from these things and will use my own judgement on the day, not quite what i wanted but i have no other options, same as caroline really.


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## Jo

I hope everything goes well for you hun and above all you know Ewan better than anyone
Sorry again for your loss x


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## hypnorm

Well its all done with now, and I took Ewan to the funeral and the service he sat between my self and my dad and we fed him sweets, he was a bit fidgity but kept quiet and was looking through the hymn books, think he enjoyed everyone singing!

Luckily the service was only 20 mins long, my dad actually made him worse by trying to take the books off him or feed him smarties!

After the service we came out to see Ann and her daughter, Ann was soo happy to see Ewan and gave him a big hug whilst crying which set me off!! i'd been fine through the service as I'd had Ewan to concentrate on. She said she was so pleased that i had brought him.
He wasnt really phased by anything although he looked a little concerned at 'Grandad Crying' i explained to him what had happened but not sure if he really understood, never asked for Roy but was wanting to see Ann all the time.
Kept everyone amused at the wake too! glad i did take him, yes it was hard work and a bit stressful for me but it worked out fine.


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## Jo

I'm so glad it all went smoothly for you x


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## Mamafy

glad it went well xxx


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## LilFlower08

I wouldn't take a three year old to a funeral...

My dad told me something once "people will always pass away, so avoid going to as many funerals as you can because there will always be more... too many infact. and who wants to remember people like that" (sorry if that offends people but it's stuck with me as a bit of open honesty from my dad, a man of not much wisdom)

I wouldn't want my baby to go to any more funerals that they had to... they will get enough of the horrible heart ache as they grow up..xx


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## LilFlower08

OK ignore my post... glad all is well. Nice to see she enjoyed his company and i guess it made it easier for her... xx


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## hypnorm

She thanked me for bringing him, and said Roy would have been pleased.

Luckily that was only my 2nd funeral in 31 yrs!


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## LilFlower08

Wow i went to two my best friend and my grandads in the space of two months exactly!!! Hope things are better tho!! xx


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## angelsXmummy

hi i took my dd to my great nans she was 2 and she slept as soon as every one started singing lol bless her but and the whole family was fine about it seeing a baby did help alot not get so upset but it could be tricky if they dont go to sleep think you would prob have to wait out side just incase he started screaming or shouting but you know how your child will be so its up to you sorry to hear about the loss xxxx


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## momoftwo

I would definetly not a 3 year old to a funeral. He or her will start asking you all kinds of questions and you may not have all the appropriate answers for a 3 years old. 

Even fro a close relative, I believe the best approch is not to and tell him/her later on at a more appropriate time.


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## hypnorm

momoftwo said:


> I would definetly not a 3 year old to a funeral. He or her will start asking you all kinds of questions and you may not have all the appropriate answers for a 3 years old.
> 
> Even fro a close relative, I believe the best approch is not to and tell him/her later on at a more appropriate time.

Blimey someone has been digging up old posts!

This was all in September, If people read above i did take Ewan to the funeral with the family blessing, they were actually very pleased to see him and he was well behaved. The service was about 20 mins if that.
He could not see the coffin and was much more interested in looking through the hymn books. he didn't ask any awkward questions, shout or scream, and some smarties kept him quiet! although my dad kept stuffing them in him which actually made him a bit agitated... but my dad didnt want to be at the funeral as it was his best mate who had died.

At the wake Ewan was again fine and provided entertainment, i did get some strange looks from people but that could have just been me being paranoid.

I'm not hiding the facts of life from Ewan and he now knows that 'uncle Roy' is now in the stars and no longer ill.


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## soliloquise

i think it depends on the child but i also feel it is not at all healthy to shelter kiddies from reality of life and that includes death. i personally WOULD take a 3 yr old.. but i would explain it well beforehand. sorry for your loss :(


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## kookie

personally i wouldnt sorry for you loss hun xx


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