# Rough night...ugh



## missmisty4

I have decided that some people need to keep their opinions to themselves. Last night I was talking with one of my friends and he asked me if I was gonna date, and I told him Im gonna wait for a while after the baby is born to start dating again bc now is a great time to focus on myself and the baby. His response.. " Yea, but no dad isn't the right way to do things." Wow really?! You don't think that I think about my baby not having a dad? Do you really think at 19 weeks pregnant I want to hear your stupid criticism of me being a single mom? If you knew what happened between my ex and I maybe you would understand that my baby is better off not having a father like him in its life! Maybe you would realize that I am much better off with out the psycho! Me and my baby will be just fine without a man to help raise them! No it may not be the way that God intended us to raise a family but damn it Im gonna make the best life that I can possibly make for my baby and do anything and everything for my baby and I def don't need a man to help me be a good mom! If I am over reacting, then Im over reacting, but hell I know its not the "right way" to do things but it happens and you have to do what you have to do and not dwell on things and move forward with your baby! Sometimes I feel that no one understand where I am coming from and just look down on me for being pregnant and not with the father...


----------



## Linz88

tbh i probably would have said the same thing too, not knowing the situation. my babys dad has done ALOT including cheating and getting another girl pregnant 2 weeks after.. but id never stop him frm seeing my child..i may not let him take my child from my presence but he wil be welcome to come and see my baby 24:7.. children need there dads.. you wont be hurting him, or your self you'll be hurting your child.


----------



## Monkeh

Linz88 said:


> you wont be hurting him, or your self you'll be hurting your child.

That's a bit harsh.

My son doesn't see his father and won't see him unless he decides to himself when he's old enough. I'm not 'hurting' him by doing this. I'm protecting him from a horrible person.

OP: I'd have said the same. People should keep their opinions to themselves sometimes!


----------



## Linz88

EDITED because my 1st msg was a lil two harsh

but in 15 yrs wen ya childs old enough to make up his own mind and can not bond.. remember what i said.. thanx


----------



## littlekitten8

Linz88 - i dont mean to be harsh but you dont know the situation. Have you thought bout the fact maybe its the fathers choice not to be involved?! I didn't stop FOB seeing James yet he doesn't give a crap and has made no effort to see his son. And I really think it was unecessary to make a comment about it harming her child! Believe me, in some situations it is FAR more harmful for the father to be involved!

Missmisty - yes people should keep their opinions to themselves. Its not always out choice to be single mummies but hey, we do a damn good job. Just ignore your friend. Obviously a case of not engaging brain before mouth! x


----------



## Linz88

Little kitten- i dont no what happened but i no he hasnt done anything to the child.. he hasnt even had a chance yet..! dont you think every one should be given a fair chance to prove themselves as parents?
i dont think it was unneccasary simply because inoo for a fact that it hurts children!


----------



## littlekitten8

And what if he was violent towards the mum? Would you risk that person being anywhere near your child? Because I know for sure I wouldn't. I am still not stopping FOB seeing James. But he won't be doing it without someone around thats fact. And I am assuming you are speaking from experience when saying it hurts children. Well not all children are the same. Both me and 1 of my sisters had the same very traumatic experience as children and I can assure you we both have dealt with that in very different ways. I am a well adjusted person who has a career and enjoys life. She is an angry, twisted person who hates life in general. So how do you know that not having its biological father around will 'harm' her baby? Any male can be a father. But it takes a real man to be a daddy. She may meet someone who is a fabulous daddy to the baby and actually gives the child a far better life. And even if she doesn't, where is the research to prove that children brought up in single parent families are all messed up? Cos I sure as hell don't know any!


----------



## sweetlullaby

Monkeh said:


> Linz88 said:
> 
> 
> you wont be hurting him, or your self you'll be hurting your child.
> 
> That's a bit harsh.
> 
> My son doesn't see his father and won't see him unless he decides to himself when he's old enough. I'm not 'hurting' him by doing this. I'm protecting him from a horrible person.
> 
> OP: I'd have said the same. People should keep their opinions to themselves sometimes!Click to expand...

Way to go for making half the single mummies on here who don't have a father involved in their babies lives for different reasons feel like shit. 

I know you retracted a bit from what you said but you should have edited your post to take that comment back out. Personally you've no right to just judge someone like that. 

:hugs: to OP. I would have said the exact same in that situation :hugs:


----------



## littlekitten8

SL - :hugs:


----------



## Linz88

littlekitten8 said:


> Any male can be a father. But it takes a real man to be a daddy. She may meet someone who is a fabulous daddy to the baby and actually gives the child a far better life. !

 it wouldnt be the same

sweet lulabye- oh what eva stop being soo dramatic. u no damn wel i wasnt aiming that at every single mom because i am going to be one my self. if you feel like shit thats no ones fault but your own!

all iim saying is i would say the exact same thing as her "FRIEND" did. The guy may have made mistakes but he shouldnt have his child taken away from him for that.. and if he's violence there such thing as contact centres 

and my 1st post WASNT edited..i meant everything i said... my post to monkeh was because it was to harsh && would have obviously got reported


----------



## expecting09

missmisty4 said:


> If you knew what happened between my ex and I maybe you would understand that my baby is better off not having a father like him in its life! Maybe you would realize that I am much better off with out the psycho!




Linz88 said:


> children need there dads.. you wont be hurting him, or your self you'll be hurting your child.

Linz, she's said they are better off without the psycho. Theres no need to be like that. Yes there are contact centres but why should the 'fathers' of these babys get to have anything to do with the children when they've done nothing for them. Theres no need to get personal, I don't see how lullaby was being dramatic, she was stating the truth.

:hugs: misty, leave your friends to it, if they want to make snide remarks let it go over your head. Easier said than done I know xx


----------



## Linz88

i really dont understand why you think that im wrong for saying that.. its true.. the child will be hurt in the long run, she/he wil have brother and sisters and all that they wont really get to bond with until there old enough to make up there own decision.. yes i do understand some people have reasons.. but if he aint harmed the child then i dont see why he should be stopped from having contact

if a woman hit a man or said/did hurtful things im sure nobody would be quick to say that she cant see the baby after its born.. 

if no body likes what im saying then dont reply. cz im not going to be changing my view on things


----------



## AppleBlossom

I have to say, babies do NOT need a father. Would you rather your violent aggressive partner being involved in your babies life, constantly letting them down, not turning up when they say and then in a few years time just leaving altogether because they get bored...? To be honest THAT would hurt a child a hell of a lot more. There are some situations where fathers should not be involved in a child's life. Period. And other men can come along and be a dad to a child, if not biologically, and be an amazing father. Why risk that opportunity so some useless nobody can mooch around their child coming and going when they please and leaving the child disrupted and upset?


----------



## Linz88

oh plz.. im sure he deserves A chance to see if he'll even act like that.. i said alredi if u dont like what i say. dont say F all..


----------



## Linz88

And im meant to be the pregnant hormonal one. LOL.. who wouldve known by the way you lot are going on..


----------



## missmisty4

Linz88 said:


> Little kitten- i dont no what happened but i no he hasnt done anything to the child.. he hasnt even had a chance yet..! dont you think every one should be given a fair chance to prove themselves as parents?
> i dont think it was unneccasary simply because inoo for a fact that it hurts children!

Just to clear things up with EVERYONE...My ex and I had a great relationship until he lost his job. When he lost his job he flipped on me and told me I HAD to get and abortion and I am being dumb and selfish for wanting to keep the baby (being 3 months pregnant). He came home superbowl sunday night completely drunk and physically attacked me. He told me he never wanted me and never wanted the baby and wants nothing to do with the baby...so therefore...No he doesn't deserve the chance to be in my childs life. I do not want someone like him helping influence my child. He is abusive, an alcoholic, addicted to pain pills, suicidal, and just plain crazy! (literally, he is legally crazy) so no I am not hurting my child...I am PROTECTING my child from a phycho! Had I known he was like this, I would have never been with him and I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with his baby and made a home together! Yes after the restraining order is done and he straightens up his act and wants to see his baby, then maybe, MAYBE I will have supervised visitation, but I highly doubt it.


----------



## AppleBlossom

To be honest I think your attitude is terrible. This woman obviously has her own reasons for the child not seeing its father. Did you stop to think that maybe HE didn't want to be involved. I know for sure that I would in no circumstances want my child around or in the care of any man who was violent, abusive, drunk, on drugs, or as OP said, a psycho. That to me is more harmful than not having a father in your life. I agree in principle that if a man wants to try and be a dad to his child then one way or another he should be allowed. But there are certain circumstances where they are way past chances and do not deserve to be given one at all.


----------



## Linz88

missmisty4 said:


> Linz88 said:
> 
> 
> Little kitten- i dont no what happened but i no he hasnt done anything to the child.. he hasnt even had a chance yet..! dont you think every one should be given a fair chance to prove themselves as parents?
> i dont think it was unneccasary simply because inoo for a fact that it hurts children!
> 
> Just to clear things up with EVERYONE...My ex and I had a great relationship until he lost his job. When he lost his job he flipped on me and told me I HAD to get and abortion and I am being dumb and selfish for wanting to keep the baby (being 3 months pregnant). He came home superbowl sunday night completely drunk and physically attacked me. He told me he never wanted me and never wanted the baby and wants nothing to do with the baby...so therefore...No he doesn't deserve the chance to be in my childs life. I do not want someone like him helping influence my child. He is abusive, an alcoholic, addicted to pain pills, suicidal, and just plain crazy! (literally, he is legally crazy) so no I am not hurting my child...I am PROTECTING my child from a phycho! Had I known he was like this, I would have never been with him and I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with his baby and made a home together!
> 
> **Yes after the restraining order is done and he straightens up his act and wants to see his baby, then maybe, MAYBE I will have supervised visitation, but I highly doubt it.Click to expand...

**

what he did was wrong but after he gets help i think he would deserve the chance of supervised visitation and im glad ur actually CONSIDERING that because Ino alot of women wouldnt!


----------



## AppleBlossom

missmisty4 said:


> Linz88 said:
> 
> 
> Little kitten- i dont no what happened but i no he hasnt done anything to the child.. he hasnt even had a chance yet..! dont you think every one should be given a fair chance to prove themselves as parents?
> i dont think it was unneccasary simply because inoo for a fact that it hurts children!
> 
> Just to clear things up with EVERYONE...My ex and I had a great relationship until he lost his job. When he lost his job he flipped on me and told me I HAD to get and abortion and I am being dumb and selfish for wanting to keep the baby (being 3 months pregnant). He came home superbowl sunday night completely drunk and physically attacked me. He told me he never wanted me and never wanted the baby and wants nothing to do with the baby...so therefore...No he doesn't deserve the chance to be in my childs life. I do not want someone like him helping influence my child. He is abusive, an alcoholic, addicted to pain pills, suicidal, and just plain crazy! (literally, he is legally crazy) so no I am not hurting my child...I am PROTECTING my child from a phycho! Had I known he was like this, I would have never been with him and I wouldn't have gotten pregnant with his baby and made a home together! Yes after the restraining order is done and he straightens up his act and wants to see his baby, then maybe, MAYBE I will have supervised visitation, but I highly doubt it.Click to expand...

:hugs: you're in the right hun, I wouldn't want a man like that around my child either. It is hard being a single mum but sometimes you have to do it to protect your child


----------



## Linz88

bexy_22 said:


> To be honest I think your attitude is terrible. This woman obviously has her own reasons for the child not seeing its father. Did you stop to think that maybe HE didn't want to be involved. I know for sure that I would in no circumstances want my child around or in the care of any man who was violent, abusive, drunk, on drugs, or as OP said, a psycho. That to me is more harmful than not having a father in your life. I agree in principle that if a man wants to try and be a dad to his child then one way or another he should be allowed. But there are certain circumstances where they are way past chances and do not deserve to be given one at all.


im not really bothered what you think of my attitude tbh..
i dont agree with that at all.. if a man has not harmed the child i dont think he should be kept away from him/her
even if its through a contact centre, under police supervision i stil think they deserve a chance.


----------



## sweetlullaby

Im sorry Linzi but you're being extremly rude and patronising towards quite a few ladies on here. Im reporting this thread before things get anymore heated.


----------



## AppleBlossom

Linz88 said:


> bexy_22 said:
> 
> 
> To be honest I think your attitude is terrible. This woman obviously has her own reasons for the child not seeing its father. Did you stop to think that maybe HE didn't want to be involved. I know for sure that I would in no circumstances want my child around or in the care of any man who was violent, abusive, drunk, on drugs, or as OP said, a psycho. That to me is more harmful than not having a father in your life. I agree in principle that if a man wants to try and be a dad to his child then one way or another he should be allowed. But there are certain circumstances where they are way past chances and do not deserve to be given one at all.
> 
> 
> im not really bothered what you think of my attitude tbh..
> i dont agree with that at all.. if a man has not harmed the child i dont think he should be kept away from him/her
> even if its through a contact centre, under police supervision i stil think they deserve a chance.Click to expand...

:coffee: If you say so. Reporting this too


----------



## Linz88

Enjoy :)


----------



## Linz88

you chose to carry on commenting when i told you not to if you dont like what im saying..dont blame me that your feelings obviously got hurt!! reporting me isnt going to change my views.


----------



## sweetlullaby

Oh seriously? You need to grow up


----------



## Linz88

point proven!!


----------



## AppleBlossom

Linz88 said:


> you chose to carry on commenting when i told you not to if you dont like what im saying..dont blame me that your feelings obviously got hurt!! reporting me isnt going to change my views.

Yet you still carry on when you don't like what WE say? That's very hypocritical of you. The OP has explained why she is in the situation she is in, and I think it is completely fair to be honest. She didn't ask for you to start being nasty to other posters


----------



## Vickie

can we please get this thread back on track and answer the OP's question rather than taking shots at one another?


----------



## Linz88

im not being rude to her i understand what shes saying.. no one told you to butt in if you didnt i wouldnt have had any thing "RUDE" to say would i? exactly..
and what you say really doesnt bother me, its your opinion/conscience


----------



## AppleBlossom

Look love, I didn't BUTT in, I answered the OP's question just like you did. Anyway, end of conversation.

To OP, sorry your thread went a bit off track, I personally would ignore people that try and tell you what is best for your child. I assume your friend has no children? Or has a child but with a partner? There is nothing wrong with being a single mum so don't let them tell you otherwise. As long as your child is happy the that's all that matters :)


----------



## Linz88

Vickie said:


> can we please get this thread back on track and answer the OP's question rather than taking shots at one another?

 <<<<<<<


----------



## missmisty4

Look I started this post bc I was hurt by what my friend had said to me...and honestly Linz88 your not helping how I feel or making it any better I would really like it if you could please stop posting and move on to the next thread. You have obviously upset some ladies here and you are starting to get me upset. I wrote this bc I was being critisized and I feel like I still am and that is not the intention of this post. I agree with vickie, can we please get this back on track??


----------



## missmisty4

bexy_22 said:


> Look love, I didn't BUTT in, I answered the OP's question just like you did. Anyway, end of conversation.
> 
> To OP, sorry your thread went a bit off track, I personally would ignore people that try and tell you what is best for your child. I assume your friend has no children? Or has a child but with a partner? There is nothing wrong with being a single mum so don't let them tell you otherwise. As long as your child is happy the that's all that matters :)

No he has no children...He doesn't want children til he is in his late 30's! lol


----------



## AppleBlossom

Tbh hun, sometimes life just doesn't work out how we plan. We all think we will grow up, have a job, get married, have kids, a big house, car, holidays. But it rarely works like that. I accidentally got pregnant at 18, had to leave uni, then fob left me for a man and I have been a single mum ever since. Your friend, saying he doesn't want kids till he's older, is probably thinking his life will work out the way I said at the beginning, but he shouldn't shun people who's doesn't


----------



## Linz88

this is a forum, your not always going to get the opinions u want to hear (well read), im not trying to upset anybody, but if i am gettin attacked because of my views, i am going to defend my self wether anyone likes it or not..i actually understand your point of view NOW..! and like i sed im glad your considering contact if he gets help and if its supervised..and the topic did get back on track until you posted this


----------



## missmisty4

Linz88 said:


> this is a forum, your not always going to get the opinions u want to hear (well read), im not trying to upset anybody, but if i am gettin attacked because of my choices i am going to defend my self wether anyone likes it or not..i actually understand your point of view NOW..! and like i sed im glad your considering contact if he gets help and if its supervised..and the topic did get back on track until you posted this

Im not saying Im always going to hear or read what I want...I totally understand that, however there are numerous ladies on here that are obviously upset by what you have said. I know that no one really knew my situation and I didn't expect anyone to...


----------



## missmisty4

bexy_22 said:


> Tbh hun, sometimes life just doesn't work out how we plan. We all think we will grow up, have a job, get married, have kids, a big house, car, holidays. But it rarely works like that. I accidentally got pregnant at 18, had to leave uni, then fob left me for a man and I have been a single mum ever since. Your friend, saying he doesn't want kids till he's older, is probably thinking his life will work out the way I said at the beginning, but he shouldn't shun people who's doesn't

Very true! I always thought of being happily married and all that "Disney fairy tale ending" stuff! ha Life happens and you just have to deal with it. This is what God has handed me and Im gonna do whats best for me and baby.


----------



## AppleBlossom

missmisty4 said:


> bexy_22 said:
> 
> 
> Tbh hun, sometimes life just doesn't work out how we plan. We all think we will grow up, have a job, get married, have kids, a big house, car, holidays. But it rarely works like that. I accidentally got pregnant at 18, had to leave uni, then fob left me for a man and I have been a single mum ever since. Your friend, saying he doesn't want kids till he's older, is probably thinking his life will work out the way I said at the beginning, but he shouldn't shun people who's doesn't
> 
> Very true! I always thought of being happily married and all that "Disney fairy tale ending" stuff! ha Life happens and you just have to deal with it. This is what God has handed me and Im gonna do whats best for me and baby.Click to expand...

Good for you hun :thumbup:


----------



## Linz88

i dont see why there upset, anything i say shouldnt phase them..not like they no me
my 1st post was to you and nobody else they chose to respond and defend there view, so i defended mine..


----------



## missmisty4

I understand that...whats done is done, whats said is said. Thank all of you for all your comments I really do appreciate them. Sorry this turned into a "fuss" haha not my intentions of this post


----------



## Monkeh

:hugs: for OP. 

As has been said, sometimes life just doesn't turn out the way we plan it. You'll be a great Mummy though :)


----------



## Wobbles

Linz88 said:


> Little kitten- i dont no what happened but i no he hasnt done anything to the child.. he hasnt even had a chance yet..! dont you think every one should be given a fair chance to prove themselves as parents?
> i dont think it was unneccasary simply because inoo for a fact that it hurts children!

Violence, alcohol, suicidal and pill addiction! Yikes!

Nah I wouldn't for the world let my child near him (if the above is correct)! Thats why you hear so much crap on TV, children dead, neglected, abused and killed along side a suicidal parent etc because people let the children down starting with protecting the vunerable (THE CHILD). Not a 'risk' to take EVER! And me personally do feel VERY strongly about children seeing their fathers theres exceptions to my thinking and all of the above fit it. 

If the fathers so bothered he will seek help, seek legal representative and I'm sure Mummy will try to reason but right now shes scared, lonely and has a natural instinct to hold her little one as close as possible and protect her baby.

You've approached this topic with an attitude problem - Your own situation and this ladies is different so I didn't understand you comparing it to how great you will be letting your cheating ex see his child the situations are not even close. Opinions are great thats what the forums for as you point out but you missed the fact its for support not opinions with an attitude problem in your face up yours. HOW you say things makes a big difference theres no way your approach on this can be misread.

-------------------
I think you can cool off for a week and then return if you wish to. I have taken this option because if I issued an infraction (penalty) to your account on the replies that I find as insulting/inappropriate post contents it would give you an automatic ban.


----------



## lou_w34

I need to stop going to bed so early! I miss out on all the fun! heehee :dohh:

But yeah anyways, like the other girls have said, life doesnt always turn out how we want, if you asked me when i was 13 what id be doing now, youd get a whole different story, and it would probably involve princes and fairies lol

Yeah being a single mummy is hard, but the rewards are AMAZING :) Just do what you think is best for your baby and sod anyone else, because at the end of the day you will be mummy and will no what is best :hugs:

xx


----------



## littlekitten8

Oh hunni I'm sorry things got a bit heated! You are definitely better off without him. And as you said, once he has proven himself to be stable then perhaps reconsider things. Massive hugs x


----------

