# Shout out to single parents!



## Leanna5813

I just wanted to say I applaud all the single parents out there. I'm thankful I don't have to experience being a single mom, because I have seen how hard it is at times for all of you! When my husband is gone to work and I'm taking care of our son on my own its really hard sometimes. I couldn't imagine never having someone else you can rely on to help. So I just wanted to say good job and I admire you!!


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## Ruby2013




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## Mummy1995

Thankyou for this. Made me smile :) x


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## teal

:flower: xx


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## daneuse27

I'm not sure how to take this post to be honest. I think you meant well, so I'm not trying to attack you. But it seems like you've come with this assumption that because we're single, we all have these sad lives that you're really glad that you don't have. I guess I just dont like it when people act as thought they pity me or feel sorry for me.

There are probably tons of ladies that feel different to me, but those are just my thoughts.


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## Leanna5813

daneuse27 said:


> I'm not sure how to take this post to be honest. I think you meant well, so I'm not trying to attack you. But it seems like you've come with this assumption that because we're single, we all have these sad lives that you're really glad that you don't have. I guess I just dont like it when people act as thought they pity me or feel sorry for me.
> 
> There are probably tons of ladies that feel different to me, but those are just my thoughts.

I'm sorry if I offended you! That was not my intention at all. I do not pity or feel bad for single parents. My mother raised three on her own, and lived a very happy life. But at times I did see her struggle, and I have friends who have also struggled. I admire parents who can do it on their own and meant no offense to anyone. Again though, I truly am sorry if it comes off as offensive. It was a thought that crossed my mind when I decided to post.


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## teal

I'm glad to see this because sometimes I see mothers in relationships comparing themselves to single mothers just because their partner works long hours and it's definitely not the same thing! x


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## daneuse27

I agree teal, I find that annoying sometimes too!

OP, I know you meant no offense. One of the worst things I think about being a single parent are having people pity you. I'm actually in the closet about being a single mom in real life, because I don't want people to start judging and making assumptions about my life. I actually have a happier life than a several two parent families I know and I wouldn't change anything now. So I don't need pity from anyone.


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## teal

daneuse27 said:


> I agree teal, I find that annoying sometimes too!
> 
> OP, I know you meant no offense. One of the worst things I think about being a single parent are having people pity you. I'm actually in the closet about being a single mom in real life, because I don't want people to start judging and making assumptions about my life. I actually have a happier life than a several two parent families I know and I wouldn't change anything now. So I don't need pity from you or anyone.

I don't tell many people that I'm a single mother either. If I'm directly asked about a partner then I won't lie but I don't go out my way. 
I'm glad it's not just me in the closet though xx


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## daneuse27

teal said:


> daneuse27 said:
> 
> 
> I agree teal, I find that annoying sometimes too!
> 
> OP, I know you meant no offense. One of the worst things I think about being a single parent are having people pity you. I'm actually in the closet about being a single mom in real life, because I don't want people to start judging and making assumptions about my life. I actually have a happier life than a several two parent families I know and I wouldn't change anything now. So I don't need pity from you or anyone.
> 
> I don't tell many people that I'm a single mother either. If I'm directly asked about a partner then I won't lie but I don't go out my way.
> I'm glad it's not just me in the closet though xxClick to expand...

Thanks teal, I actually have gone as far as to lie to people :( I was never used to being dishonest before and feel terrible about not telling the truth, but I made friends who when first meeting them I didn't feel comfortable discussing private details of my life. I've known one very nice lady almost a year now and she still doesn't realize I'm single :( I feel I should tell her, but at the same time dread having to because I don't want to be thought of as different, sad, pitiful and other things I know people out there think about single moms. Not to mention its been so long now, that itll seem strange that ive waited until now to tell her. i also have another friend i met about 4 months ago, she's married but no kids yet. she also doesn't know about my single motherhood, I have never felt comfortable telling her. its horrible feeling so hesitant to be open and honest with new friends. I absolutely hate it. Its probably been the worst part of single parenting for me; aside from that, I'm happy with my life itself because i have a good support network and couldn't be happier with my daughter. 

may I ask how people react when you tell them you're single? Do you get the pitying stares and awkward comments that I'm so afraid if getting? I wouldn't know because I almost never tell anyone :( x


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## Dezireey

To be honest ladies, I think this idea that you can't say you are a single parent is mostly in your head and in today's society and with the values and perceptions on life that most people have today, it's not as much an issue as people think. 

There will always be judgemental people, people who will look you up and down if you are just wearing the wrong clothes. But being a single parent is something to be very, very proud of. I always tell people I am a single parent. I just don't tell them the whole story of my arse of an FOB as it's too long a story and they wouldn't believe me anyway! I just say that my ex and I split up two years ago and no-one bats an eyelid! It's how you say it really. If you act as if it doesn't affect you, they don't feel sorry for you. 

Look at the last two world wars, how many women back then had to bring up families alone because the fathers never returned from battle? There are soooo many situations that women find themselves in bringing up kids alone and it should be a wonderful achievement. Don't think you have to hide the truth, you are doing the most amazing jobs and are the greatest mums, all of you :hugs::hugs:


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## rebeccalouise

I agree with Dezireey :) being a single mum isn't easy at the best of times, but we should all be so proud! If you feel like you don't want to tell people, don't. It's not really anybodies business but your own. I'm not ashamed of being a single parent, but I don't shout about it. I rarely get any pity to be honest, I've only ever had people telling me that I should be proud of myself and that I'm doing a great job.. I don't mind that in the slightest!


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## Leanna5813

rebeccalouise said:


> I agree with Dezireey :) being a single mum isn't easy at the best of times, but we should all be so proud! If you feel like you don't want to tell people, don't. It's not really anybodies business but your own. I'm not ashamed of being a single parent, but I don't shout about it. I rarely get any pity to be honest, I've only ever had people telling me that I should be proud of myself and that I'm doing a great job.. I don't mind that in the slightest!

That's what I was basically trying to say is that I'm proud of single parents because I saw how hard it was at times for my mom but she never gave up. I'm happy I'm not a single parent, but not because I pity or feel sorry for anyone that is. I just know how much harder you work and honestly, if anything, you guys are better parents for it because you dont have someone else to share it all with! I didn't mean to offend anyone, but I do understand how some people could look at it as pity because I dont personally know what its like to go it alone.


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## daneuse27

To me, saying "I'm glad I'm not you" isn't the nicest way of saying what I think you're trying to say. I wouldn't say to someone with a learning disability that I'm glad I don't have a learning disability (for example.) Some of us are happy with our lives and wouldn't change anything. But quite a few of us have tremendous struggles too, it depends on the situation, just as it does with two-parent homes. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you mean well. I know you didn't come on here to put anyone down.


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## sue_88

It seems Leanna was only coming here to say how she admires single parents, let's not twist around her words.

I love being a single mummy, my baby girl is all mine! :D I get nothing but admiration when I tell people I am a single mum because I do a bloody good job! :)

I've never lied once about being a single mum, lying to me would show shame and I am not ashamed one bit of my situation. I see a lot of married couples, and a lot of arguments that have followed a baby.....I find my life so incredibly easy that I couldn't imagine someone else being in it, messing things up!

Lots of people say "I don't know how you do it" but these are people who have help so struggle when it's gone, I've never known help so don't know any different, I just, do it! 

Thanks Leanna for your kind words! :flower:


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## teal

I wouldn't say I was ashamed of being a single mum, it's just personal and I'm unsure of people's reactions. One person has said they never thought I'd get caught out which was irritating seeing as two types of birth control failed. When I was pregnant someone else said congratulations but when I said my ex isn't going to be involved she said she better take back her congratulations. 

Daneuse - most people have been supportive more than anything :hugs: one person I had to tell was my boss and she was brilliant. I've not outright lied but I do understand that it's easier at times than being asked questions :hugs:


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## sue_88

Yeah it's definitely personal, for me though I know I couldn't lie, I would feel like was trying to hide it....and I couldn't do that. But that's definitely only for me. It does invite some interesting questions!


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## teal

I wouldn't lie about it but I don't go out my way to tell people x


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## tallybee

I think you learn to deal with whatever life throws at you because you have to. What's the alternative? I never had any help with my kids when they were tiny and if I'd given up they'd have gone into the care system, giving up just isn't an option. It's not about strength, it's about necessity.

I do get pitying looks because if people ask abut my relationship status I tell them the truth which is I am a widow. I don't want pity but there it is. 

You never know what's round the corner, circumstances could change in a blink of an eye and life has to go on.


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## sue_88

You're right Tally. My dad recently said to my mum "it's so nice she gets to go out" (in reference to going on a nice hill walk with my friend with baby in Ergo.

But I'm like......of course I go out, I have to! I don't need pity for being alone :shrug: he didn't mean it nasty but my mum was a bit taken aback by it.


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## moomin_troll

It's a nice sentiment and I don't mean to sound like a bitch but as a single parent I don't like people feeling sorry for me, which this basically is doing. 
We don't need to be told about how ur not in our shoes because u have the father of ur child around, we do what we do because we HAVE to. 
These threads really rub me up the wrong way


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## daneuse27

moomin_troll said:


> It's a nice sentiment and I don't mean to sound like a bitch but as a single parent I don't like people feeling sorry for me, which this basically is doing.
> We don't need to be told about how ur not in our shoes because u have the father of ur child around, we do what we do because we HAVE to.
> These threads really rub me up the wrong way

exactly!


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## moomin_troll

And don't get me started when idiots compare their partner working away to being a single parent. 
My boys dad was in the army, away for weeks, months at a time. That was really hard, but totally not the same. 

EDIT.. I'm clearly in a bad mood today lol


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## daneuse27

I think there are just a lot of misconceptions out there about being a single parent. People either seem to think that our lives are dreadfully awful and feel sorry for us, or as you say they think its comparable to having a partner who works long hours (which as you say, it isn't!) :)


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## teal

Oh I absolutely hate when people with partners who work away think they know what it's like to be a single parent. Really winds me up.


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## moomin_troll

I've had the extremes, a partner who's job could kill them at any point, and in my case did. Working long hours, 12 a day and then going away to being a single parent. 
And yeah I can't compare at all. Doing everything alone is hard and emotionally draining. But I'm alive and my kids are happy. Help would be nice, but my kids don't care if I have help or not, I've gota be mum and most the time a miracle worker 
I don't come on this section to read about how someone has their husbands at home to help, pisses me off. 
Gets on my nerves when people who aren't single parents and say they couldn't do it...well how do they expect their child to get looked after? 
Ile stop now before my rant gets even more out of hand.


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## WantingABubba

teal said:


> daneuse27 said:
> 
> 
> I agree teal, I find that annoying sometimes too!
> 
> OP, I know you meant no offense. One of the worst things I think about being a single parent are having people pity you. I'm actually in the closet about being a single mom in real life, because I don't want people to start judging and making assumptions about my life. I actually have a happier life than a several two parent families I know and I wouldn't change anything now. So I don't need pity from you or anyone.
> 
> I don't tell many people that I'm a single mother either. If I'm directly asked about a partner then I won't lie but I don't go out my way.
> I'm glad it's not just me in the closet though xxClick to expand...

I know what you mean. I don't lie either but I feel extremely uncomfortable when people say "what about your husband/partner?"/make assumptions that I have a husband or partner and it's like "ummm, he left me when I was 6 weeks pregnant" and then comes the questions, the pitying looks, the awkwardness. I hate it, but I don't want to lie either.


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## Jennifurball

I have always been open about being alone, I have worked too damn hard raising my beautiful girl to give her dad any credit who does nothing for her.

As for the pity thing, a lot of people say they feel sorry for me (not saying this thread is coming across this way), and I used to actually play into the pity thing and feel sorry for myself but not any more. It would have to take someone pretty special to share my life with anyone again. It is reeeeeeeally hard work sometimes, even just knowing there isn't anyone to fall back on after a hard day, and with juggling motherhood with work, it can feel like I don't know who I am anymore but I am nothing but proud. :) xx


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## Mummy1995

Jennifurball said:


> I have always been open about being alone, I have worked too damn hard raising my beautiful girl to give her dad any credit who does nothing for her.
> 
> As for the pity thing, a lot of people say they feel sorry for me (not saying this thread is coming across this way), and I used to actually play into the pity thing and feel sorry for myself but not any more. It would have to take someone pretty special to share my life with anyone again. It is reeeeeeeally hard work sometimes, even just knowing there isn't anyone to fall back on after a hard day, and with juggling motherhood with work, it can feel like I don't know who I am anymore but I am nothing but proud. :) xx

This!! It took me going on a date to realise that actually I'm pretty damn happy about where I am and that I'm proud of myself and my girl for how far we've come together! I get a lot of pride knowing that she is who she is because of me and me alone. Yes the emotional side is hard as you have to make all the decision, but that also makes it easier too as no one is arguing against your decisions! 
I'm honestly happy being single right now and if I could go back I wouldn't change a thing! Not even her shitty dad because she wouldn't be who she is today if he hadn't created her. I pity him now and not myself :)


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## tallybee

moomin_troll said:


> I've had the extremes, a partner who's job could kill them at any point, and in my case did. Working long hours, 12 a day and then going away to being a single parent.
> And yeah I can't compare at all. Doing everything alone is hard and emotionally draining. But I'm alive and my kids are happy. Help would be nice, but my kids don't care if I have help or not, I've gota be mum and most the time a miracle worker
> I don't come on this section to read about how someone has their husbands at home to help, pisses me off.
> Gets on my nerves when people who aren't single parents and say they couldn't do it...well how do they expect their child to get looked after?
> Ile stop now before my rant gets even more out of hand.

<3 spot on with this post hun xxxxx


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## Proserpina

I get why the OP rubbed some people wrong (<3 you eternally, daneuse), but she meant well, so I'll cut her some slack. 

That said, human parthenogenesis doesn't exist for a reason. It takes two to make a baby and it's in the best interest of children to be raised by two parents, and that's not just me talking. The courts have ruled on this using that rationale again and again. It's the reason the current child support system exists and can be so damn persistent--slow, but persistent--in going after deadbeat parents. The governments cannot force a man (or woman) to be a parent, to invest their time and emotions and energy into their children, but they generally _can_ force them to invest their finances. So they do. 

Now of course, there's an exception to every rule, and in this case, there are a lot of exceptions. I'm one of them. Those who have read my story know that I am exiting a bad marriage where dad has essentially been a deadbeat no-support from within the marriage. I would honestly rather take my chances as a single parent than continue to drag around his dead weight. So I hate it when people pity me as a single parent. These people don't understand that my life situation was already hard within marriage, and that in becoming a single parent, I am making it better. 

Those considerations aside, let me honestly ask: who of us here would not leap at the opportunity to be in a partnership with a man (or woman) who loved us, cherished us, and was a true father/mother figure to our children? If all things were equal, and we met such a person, would we not want him/her in our lives? I know I would. I look at my kids every day and long for the day when there will be a strong step-father figure in this home who will help me raise my children. I know I'm strong and I know I can do this on my own, but I _want_ someone else to be doing this with me, someone who treats me and my children the way we deserve to be treated. 

I always told my husband that he was in my life because I wanted him there, not because I needed him there. I'm leaving him because I don't want him anymore. I feel the same way about a prospective second parent: I want one, but I don't need one. Maybe that day will come for me and maybe it won't. Only time will tell.


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## Meezerowner

So true Proserpina.
I want to say something clever but can't :haha:


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## Rags

Proserpina said:


> I get why the OP rubbed some people wrong (<3 you eternally, daneuse), but she meant well, so I'll cut her some slack.
> 
> Those considerations aside, let me honestly ask: who of us here would not leap at the opportunity to be in a partnership with a man (or woman) who loved us, cherished us, and was a true father/mother figure to our children? If all things were equal, and we met such a person, would we not want him/her in our lives? I know I would. I look at my kids every day and long for the day when there will be a strong step-father figure in this home who will help me raise my children. I know I'm strong and I know I can do this on my own, but I _want_ someone else to be doing this with me, someone who treats me and my children the way we deserve to be treated.
> 
> Hi Proserpina. Although I agree very much that 2 parents it indeed the ideal, as a single mum by choice I can quite honestly say that I would not bring a partner into my home and my sons life, not while he is young. I am not looking for a father for him, he has my brother as a strong, and gentle, male role model. I went into single parenthood with my eyes very much open and have no problem having a happy and very full life without the need for a man.


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## sue_88

Yeah, I am with you Rags. I wouldn't change my situation for the world now, not some Prince, not 'The One'. 

It's Me and LO for a good few years to come and that is everything I want and need.


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## teal

Completely agree with Rags and Sue. 

I'm very happy with life just being my son and I. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon.


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## sue_88

teal said:


> Completely agree with Rags and Sue.
> 
> I'm very happy with life just being my son and I. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon.

Hope your son had a nice birthday!! :D :cake:


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## daneuse27

I think what Prosperina's saying might be true for some (in general, people seek what they perceive to be an 'ideal' life for themselves) and there might be plenty of single moms out there who imagine they'd be happier if they were doing it with someone rather than alone. But I'm glad to see that there definitely a few who are happy with their circumstances and don't wish to change them ;)

I've seen many marriages (many, many) that I don't envy at all and make me even happier that I'm going at it on my own for now. I'm positive that my daughter is being raised in a much happier environment than their kids are. So two parents doesn't always mean happier family. I'm sure we've all seen examples of that.


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## sue_88

Absolutely, there is always someone at baby group / coffee morning / swimming / on facebook bitching about what an arsehole someone is, had massive row, no help or support etc etc and I just think thank god I don't deal with that. lol


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## teal

sue_88 said:


> teal said:
> 
> 
> Completely agree with Rags and Sue.
> 
> I'm very happy with life just being my son and I. I honestly don't see that changing any time soon.
> 
> Hope your son had a nice birthday!! :D :cake:Click to expand...

He did thanks xx I'm in denial he's 4! :haha:


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## WantingABubba

Proserpina said:


> I get why the OP rubbed some people wrong (<3 you eternally, daneuse), but she meant well, so I'll cut her some slack.
> 
> That said, human parthenogenesis doesn't exist for a reason. It takes two to make a baby and it's in the best interest of children to be raised by two parents, and that's not just me talking. The courts have ruled on this using that rationale again and again. It's the reason the current child support system exists and can be so damn persistent--slow, but persistent--in going after deadbeat parents. The governments cannot force a man (or woman) to be a parent, to invest their time and emotions and energy into their children, but they generally _can_ force them to invest their finances. So they do.
> 
> Now of course, there's an exception to every rule, and in this case, there are a lot of exceptions. I'm one of them. Those who have read my story know that I am exiting a bad marriage where dad has essentially been a deadbeat no-support from within the marriage. I would honestly rather take my chances as a single parent than continue to drag around his dead weight. So I hate it when people pity me as a single parent. These people don't understand that my life situation was already hard within marriage, and that in becoming a single parent, I am making it better.
> 
> Those considerations aside, let me honestly ask: who of us here would not leap at the opportunity to be in a partnership with a man (or woman) who loved us, cherished us, and was a true father/mother figure to our children? If all things were equal, and we met such a person, would we not want him/her in our lives? I know I would. I look at my kids every day and long for the day when there will be a strong step-father figure in this home who will help me raise my children. I know I'm strong and I know I can do this on my own, but I _want_ someone else to be doing this with me, someone who treats me and my children the way we deserve to be treated.
> 
> I always told my husband that he was in my life because I wanted him there, not because I needed him there. I'm leaving him because I don't want him anymore. I feel the same way about a prospective second parent: I want one, but I don't need one. Maybe that day will come for me and maybe it won't. Only time will tell.

100% agree with this. Even if we weren't together, I'd MUCH prefer a co-parent and think that's best for the child.


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## tallybee

Well it would be lovely to have a coparent but after what happened with DH i couldn't.


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