# Am i the only person too scared to DTD? **UPDATED**



## LoisP

It's been 8 weeks since I had my little man, and I still can't bring myself to DTD. In my defence, I did NOT have a nice labour, had epistomy and ventouse, split open and had to be stiched up for nearly 3 hours, also bled alot after birth had a haemorage (can't spell :haha:) which was 4 and a half pints of blood. 
But i'm pretty much healed now. I had a big ugly fold/scar down there (sorry TMI) But it doesnt seem to hurt anymore, used to hurt to do anything, walk, sit down, pee, stand... etc
I'm scared of it hurting. I'm scared of all of my healed up cuts splitting. I'm scared of how different I must be down there...........

*Am I the only one who hasn't DTD yet?*I want to. i want that intimacy back with my OH
But whenever we've got anywhere close to eachother i just back off :shrug:

Im also TERRIFIED of becoming pregnant again, i'm on DEPO at the mo, and if i was to DTD id still make him wear a condom, i love my son and so happy we had him but the thought of falling pregnant again so soon scares the hell out of me...

heeeelp me, i want to be ready, i dont know whats wrong with me!!


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## _laura

I'm exactly the same. Keep putting it off cause I'm so scared. I'm not on any BC at the moment though (going to get the coil fitted but you need to have loads of appts) 
I just remember how much it hurt to do things after birth and remembering all my stitches inside I don't even know if they're gone yet (assuming they are!) also don't even want to know what it feels like in there :( I'm worried oh will get put off! 
And don't worry I'm making oh wear a condom too! I'm not having another max for at least 5 years! 
:hugs: it will get better. It just takes time to recover mentally and physically. Maybe slowly introduce it, like do little bits of foreplay each night until you feel comfortable with the idea?


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## vinteenage

Ah sweet heart you had a very traumatic delivery, you can't be blamed at all for not wanting to DTD. :hugs:

It may feel like you're being split open again when you DTD, I won't lie. I had a 1st degree inner tear and the first time we had sex PP I could feel exactly where that tear was and it hurt like a bitch. However, once OH got...in, past the point of the tear, it was fine. You won't split open as long as you're fully healed or...your OH is as big as a baby's head!

GET LUBE though. Seriously. It'll help immensely. I've magically lost my ability of getting...uhem, "wet" (why yes, hellp TMI!) and lube is pretty much our only option.

I'm on Depo as well. If another baby was to come...well it wouldn't be the best timing, but I'd live. I'd feel badly though since I *tried* to be safe and not have another one. :( I wouldn't take family guilt over it though, since proper precautions were made.

We're still in the two week wait where you have to wear condoms, but after that we'll probably do the 'pull out' mode..

ETA: Ill just throw in that OH said it doesn't feel any different...but for me in feels way different in the *best* possible way. I think giving birth must have rearranged some nerves or something...


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## brooke28

My delivery was very similar to yours...horrible horrible tearing. And I was terrified of dtd as well. It was about 8 or 9 weeks before I attempted it. And I'm not going to lie it was a little uncomfortable...but not very painful. One thing I will suggest is use plenty of lube...it makes it a bit more manageable the first few times.


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## divershona

Lois i had a 3rd degree tear too, the first couple of times it hurt a bit, just make sure you use plenty of lube!

if any of your stitches were external (which i think they would be as you had an episiotomy) then have a feel down there your self and see if you can still feel them.(i can still feel the big knot where the surgeon tied the threads) if you can then assume any internal stitching is still there too, and wait til you are fully covered by your depo. when OH and i first DTD we used a condom and the stitching tore it! OH said that he couldn't feel the stitches on the inside and said that ermmm.... it was better than before! and it definately feels better for me too :thumbup:
take it slow and get used to your OH, if you feel a slight bit of pain then stop where you are and get used to ur OH being there then try a bit more, the first time for me PP took nearly an hour for OH to get in all the way (TMI sorry!) because we kept stopping when it hurt but trust me it does get better with time :)


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## faolan5109

I had a c section and I was stil scared! You are not lone on that one. Just take thing slow,a nd try some alone time minus the Lo. I know it helped with me **Thanks you to Lukes mommies I might add**


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## rainbows_x

I had a 2nd degree tear which i refused to have stitched. We did everything but sex from about 1 week PP. At 6 weeks PP I went back on the pill. Two weeks later we dtd, it hurt a bit, but I think it was because I was scaed so tensed up. I was also woried I would somehow split open lol!

Just take it slow, I'm sure OH will understand, and get some lube. OH says it feels tighter (I'm guessing because of the scar tissue?) and for me it feels better than ever!


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## amygwen

I feeel the SAME exact way hun! Except it's been like MONTHS since I've DTD. I'm really scared of getting pregnant again and I figured the 100% way of not getting pregnant is to not have sex! :haha: which is really depressing because before I had Kenneth I loooooooooved sex, but now I hate it. So yeah! I'm in the same boat! :flower:


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## Lauraxamy

It's normal to feel that way :hugs:
When you feel ready just take things slow and you'll be fine x


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## x__amour

vinteenage said:


> You won't split open as long as you're fully healed or...your OH is as big as a baby's head!

:rofl:

Ah, Lois! :hugs:
I know how you feel, I was scared to DTD even though I had a c-section. And we did it 3 weeks PP! :dohh:
Buuuuttt. I really wanted to be intimate, so we took it slow and used a freakin' gallon ton of lube and honestly, it was nice.
I don't know why but it feels so much better than before pregnancy. And definitely feels better than during pregnancy. 
You'll be okay, just take it slow! And if it hurts, stop and tell him! :flower:


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## pansylove

this is probably the worst advice in the world so you probably don't want to listen to me.. but i did it for the first time when i got drunk and it was FANTASTIC.
so maybe get drunk? ahh that sounds terrible to say!!! but now i know i've done it, and cus i wasn't drunk i wasn't nervous so now i've done it i'm less scared to do it again while sober.
like i said that's probably really bad advice.
but i agree with someone else it was actually better than before pregnancy!!


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## Burchy314

I am still really scared too! Just of the pain not of getting pregnant again. I am on the pill and he will be wearing condoms and if I get pregnant again thenit is meant to be.

He is just waiting and waiting for me to be ready. I actaully feel really bad for him. One time it got so bad that I couldn't even kiss him without him getting upset and calling me a tease haha! I tease him alot when he makes me mad :)

I am really wanting to, but just to scared. Also just I am never in the mood because LO is always next to us.


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## aafscsweetie

^^ hahaha, love the getting drunk idea!!

Honestly, I wasn't scared of DTD for fear of pregnancy (although I certainly didn't want that!!), I was more scared that it would be incredibly painful and not good at all. But... it was great! We did it about 3 weeks PP, which was a little early, but we just went really slow and, erm, took our time with foreplay so that I didn't need a lot of lube... haha sorry for the TMI... but it really was alright! We've only done it about 4 times since giving birth, and each time it has been a little but uncomfy (not painful, necessarily) at first, but that only lasts a minute or so and then it feels good again. :) good luck!! just take it slow xx


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## lizardbreath

nope not alone, OH pushed and Pushed for me to DTD when I was only 5 weeks PP and I did and OUCH is all I can say, and I didnt even Tear , and I was still scared. This time I am NOT doing it until I am ready and I have the IUD in.


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## xgem27x

I couldn't DTD for about 2-3 months, even I got frustrated cos I wanted to but it just didnt fit lol! I wanted to feel that closeness you get like when its not just sex but like when you "make love" << I had just had two kids with the bloke, I needed some love haha!! 

It will eventually happen, but its like losing your virginity all over again! :thumbup:

I tore when I had my twins, and the doctor seemed to "stitch me too tight" :blush: So I did get a little tear when me and OH did DTD... probs what you dont want to hear, but it was as if my doctor has stitched me shut lol!! :haha:


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## lily123

I was 4 months (ish) pp the first time i DTD properly, and i had two episiotomies and a fuck tonne of stitches :haha: and it was G.R.E.A.T!!! Felt a bit like my first time, but in my head it was a good thing :blush: Just make sure you're really relaxed and your OH knows his boundaries!
xxx


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## MadamRose

Dont worry you aint the only one me and DH took about 2 months to try and DTD and when we did it really hurt me and i started bleeding again. I havent dtd again since.
You aint the only one that worres so dont feel allone


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## annawrigley

vinteenage said:


> Ah sweet heart you had a very traumatic delivery, you can't be blamed at all for not wanting to DTD. :hugs:
> 
> It may feel like you're being split open again when you DTD, I won't lie. I had a 1st degree inner tear and the first time we had sex PP I could feel exactly where that tear was and it hurt like a bitch. However, once OH got...in, past the point of the tear, it was fine. You won't split open as long as you're fully healed or...your OH is as big as a baby's head!
> 
> GET LUBE though. Seriously. It'll help immensely. I've magically lost my ability of getting...uhem, "wet" (why yes, hellp TMI!) and lube is pretty much our only option.
> 
> I'm on Depo as well. If another baby was to come...well it wouldn't be the best timing, but I'd live. I'd feel badly though since I *tried* to be safe and not have another one. :( I wouldn't take family guilt over it though, since proper precautions were made.
> 
> We're still in the two week wait where you have to wear condoms, but after that we'll probably do the 'pull out' mode..
> 
> *ETA: Ill just throw in that OH said it doesn't feel any different...but for me in feels way different in the best possible way. I think giving birth must have rearranged some nerves or something...*

Total opposite for me :nope: It just stings like mad, even now. :/


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## rainbows_x

pansylove said:


> this is probably the worst advice in the world so you probably don't want to listen to me.. but i did it for the first time when i got drunk and it was FANTASTIC.
> so maybe get drunk? ahh that sounds terrible to say!!! but now i know i've done it, and cus i wasn't drunk i wasn't nervous so now i've done it i'm less scared to do it again while sober.
> like i said that's probably really bad advice.
> but i agree with someone else it was actually better than before pregnancy!!

I was drunk the first time too! Girls night out, went back and DTD! I agree that it definielty helped, did it every day for a week after lol.


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## LoisP

Looks like i'm getting drunk then :haha:
Well next girls night out clubbing is planned for feb 11th
so i'll wait until then, get very drunk, come back with a condom at the ready... :haha:

*Thanks everyone*, glad to know it wasn't total disasters with everyone and that it took some of you a while to brave up enough to do it 

:flower:

xx


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## emmylou92

Im scared and i didnt tear, grazed a little but i only 1 week PP. I'm soooo horney all the time i just know its going to hurt. but i dont think i can manage 6 weeks :/


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## vinteenage

emmylou92 said:


> Im scared and i didnt tear, grazed a little but i only 1 week PP. I'm soooo horney all the time i just know its going to hurt. but i dont think i can manage 6 weeks :/

Youre really not supposed to have sex until your bleeding has stopped. Mine did't until 5 week PP.

Think of your open cervix like an open, bleeding wound. Would you stick a penis in a open wound on your leg? Arm? Face?

I doubt it. Give your body some time to recover before you introduce bacteria and whatnot to the very core of the injury.


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## Croc-O-Dile

vinteenage said:


> emmylou92 said:
> 
> 
> Im scared and i didnt tear, grazed a little but i only 1 week PP. I'm soooo horney all the time i just know its going to hurt. but i dont think i can manage 6 weeks :/
> 
> Would you stick a penis in a open wound on your leg? Arm? Face?Click to expand...

MAYBE I WOULD! DON'T JUDGE ME DAPHNE!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## annawrigley

Croc-O-Dile said:


> vinteenage said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> emmylou92 said:
> 
> 
> Im scared and i didnt tear, grazed a little but i only 1 week PP. I'm soooo horney all the time i just know its going to hurt. but i dont think i can manage 6 weeks :/
> 
> Would you stick a penis in a open wound on your leg? Arm? Face?Click to expand...
> 
> MAYBE I WOULD! DON'T JUDGE ME DAPHNE!
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:Click to expand...

Lmao :rofl:
But yeah thats probably where I went wrong... And why im still having problems now!


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## Croc-O-Dile

annawrigley said:


> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> vinteenage said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> emmylou92 said:
> 
> 
> Im scared and i didnt tear, grazed a little but i only 1 week PP. I'm soooo horney all the time i just know its going to hurt. but i dont think i can manage 6 weeks :/
> 
> Would you stick a penis in a open wound on your leg? Arm? Face?Click to expand...
> 
> MAYBE I WOULD! DON'T JUDGE ME DAPHNE!
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:Click to expand...
> 
> Lmao :rofl:
> *But yeah thats probably where I went wrong... And why im still having problems now!*Click to expand...

Because you DTD before you stopped bleeding or because you're sticking penises in your legs, arm, and face? :dohh:


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## annawrigley

Both :winkwink:
Because i DTD at 9 days PP!


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## pansylove

rainbows_x said:


> pansylove said:
> 
> 
> this is probably the worst advice in the world so you probably don't want to listen to me.. but i did it for the first time when i got drunk and it was FANTASTIC.
> so maybe get drunk? ahh that sounds terrible to say!!! but now i know i've done it, and cus i wasn't drunk i wasn't nervous so now i've done it i'm less scared to do it again while sober.
> like i said that's probably really bad advice.
> but i agree with someone else it was actually better than before pregnancy!!
> 
> I was drunk the first time too! Girls night out, went back and DTD! I agree that it definielty helped, did it every day for a week after lol.Click to expand...

glad i'm not the only one! it just really helped me cus i forgot about the fact i'd just given birth.. just caught up in the moment and relaxed :)


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## newmommy23

I was scared and I didn't even have anything as bad as you hun. I dtd three weeks after, and the first time is painful..but not as bad as birth :p
fob says it feels tighter now. dunno why. feels better for me too :p


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## FayDanielle

:blush:
I've still not DTD yet, and Mia is 15 weeks old tomorow, me and my OH havnt dtd since I was 36 weeks weeks pregnant, so 21 weeks so far!
Poor bloke!

Tbh, im not scared of it, I just dont want too?!


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## lily123

FayDanielle said:


> :blush:
> I've still not DTD yet, and Mia is 15 weeks old tomorow, me and my OH havnt dtd since I was 36 weeks weeks pregnant, so 21 weeks so far!
> Poor bloke!
> 
> Tbh, im not scared of it, I* just dont want too?!*

I get a bit like that sometimes, i'm just soooo tired at the end of the day i really cannot be bothered... my poor OH :haha:
xx


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## EffyKat

I understand exactly why you're scared to DTD.
I was too and I didn't tear at all. But once we got going it was fine, I was so scared I'd feel different down there but he said I felt fine, and it was one of the best times he's had :blush:


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## Burchy314

Haha I finally got up the courage to DTD with OH last night.:kiss:

It only lasted like 5 minutes :blush: because it was uncomfortable, but not painful. My poor OH, we havent done it since like August so he has been waiting FOREVER and then it only lasted like 5 minutes. :blush:

When you finally get the courage up to DTD...use lube like the other girls said. I am 100% positive it would have been so much better and lasted longer if we had used some.


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## LoisP

Well girls, I felt ready today for some reason
Just woke up and had a bit of a horny day lol
text OH while he was at work, telling him that i think im ready now
bit random thing to text i know, but thought it might build up a nice anticipation for tonight
well anyways, LO went to sleep, we was laying in bed watching tv, and i leaned over to kiss him....... and he sorta just pecked me and rolled over?
so i tried again and he started saying 'sorry, i'm tired'
:cry: like i feel unconfident enough about myself, im covered in stretch marks, i gained a bit of weight through pregnancy, i had a horrific labour, i never have time to feel good about myself, i try and put make up on and shauns on a constant clingyness at the moment so dont get a chance to make myself feel good
then i decided to be a bitch and say 'You know, someone will want me, one day, your gonna push me away' (I WAS UPSET!!!) and he went 'Ok' and closed his eyes, and now hes fast asleep snoring his head off

:cry: :cry: I feel fucking ugly, hideous and unwanted...


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## Callie-xoxox

You are not ugly at ALL. You are soo pretty and I have seen you PP pictures are you are small so dont even say that! Maybe he was just in a bad mood or not in the mood.
Boys are silly that way.
Dont think anything of it you are prettty!
XXX


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## LoisP

Callie-xoxox said:


> You are not ugly at ALL. You are soo pretty and I have seen you PP pictures are you are small so dont even say that! Maybe he was just in a bad mood or not in the mood.
> Boys are silly that way.
> Dont think anything of it you are prettty!
> XXX

It's just soooo annoying Callie! The whole time I was pregnant, all he did was try it on with me, and then straight after I had Shaun, all times i felt uncomfortable, and now I feel ready, he doesn't wanna know? Maybe he enjoys the chase or something. But why pick now to not be up for it, would be been quite happy for him to be 'tired' when I was pregnant and he was like a hormonal pig :haha:
xxxxxx


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## Burchy314

Omg I am so sorry Lois! You are not ugly at all! Maybe he just had a bad day? Try talking to him tomorrow. My OH used to just kiss me and roll over when he thought that I was going to just tease him and not actually DTD. Maybe he was really tired and thought you really weren't ready? But it was rude of him to just say "ok"

You are not ugly at all and you are a great Mom. Try to relax and maybe try and get a babysitter and go shopping or doing anything that makes you feel good.


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## Callie-xoxox

LoisP said:


> Callie-xoxox said:
> 
> 
> You are not ugly at ALL. You are soo pretty and I have seen you PP pictures are you are small so dont even say that! Maybe he was just in a bad mood or not in the mood.
> Boys are silly that way.
> Dont think anything of it you are prettty!
> XXX
> 
> It's just soooo annoying Callie! The whole time I was pregnant, all he did was try it on with me, and then straight after I had Shaun, all times i felt uncomfortable, and now I feel ready, he doesn't wanna know? Maybe he enjoys the chase or something. But why pick now to not be up for it, would be been quite happy for him to be 'tired' when I was pregnant and he was like a hormonal pig :haha:
> xxxxxxClick to expand...

 Oh i know what you mean. He is a man and i have not yet to get a proper understanding if them. Talk to him about it tomorrow, its totally a double standard, even if the girl is tired and want to sleep they still get us to have sex but if its the girl trying to and the guy it to tired it goes no where! Makes no sense:(
hope it gets better love.


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## Hotbump

your not ugly at all! You are a very pretty person and very photogenic (sp?). He is just probable having a moody day. :hugs:


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## x__amour

](*,)
Haha, seriously? His loss. Lois, you are beautiful, so shh!


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## aafscsweetie

:dohh:

oh lois :( :( I am so sorry. That is awful. It is really easy for me to feel rejected, so I totally understand. Maybe he genuinely was tired, but I mean... after all that time!?! And it was awful of him to just say "ok"- although maybe he just didn't want to argue and thought that was the only thing that wouldn't cause an argument. All I can say is that you are NOT FAT AND UGLY!!!! It is so easy to feel that way after having a baby (I know I do), but really I have seen your pictures and I think you are so pretty. I hope you start feeling better about yourself. Definitely talk with him about it in the morning and see what the fuck he was thinking!! :hugs:


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## annawrigley

Maybe he was trying to prove a point. Like 'you deprived me for so long, now I'm gonna reject you'. Still, pretty mean!! Bet he was laying there like "come on man, you can do this. Stay strong. Must. Not. Have sex. Must. Prove. Point." 
Men :dohh:


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## Croc-O-Dile

annawrigley said:


> Maybe he was trying to prove a point. Like 'you deprived me for so long, now I'm gonna reject you'. Still, pretty mean!! Bet he was laying there like "come on man, you can do this. Stay strong. Must. Not. Have sex. Must. Prove. Point."
> Men :dohh:

^wss :hugs:


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## LoisP

annawrigley said:


> Maybe he was trying to prove a point. Like 'you deprived me for so long, now I'm gonna reject you'. Still, pretty mean!! Bet he was laying there like "come on man, you can do this. Stay strong. Must. Not. Have sex. Must. Prove. Point."
> Men :dohh:

:rofl: xx


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## divershona

awwwww Lois i've just seen your avatar and Shaun is soooo cute :D


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## MissMamma

Lois i'm not being funny but you are a stunner! :shock: you _must_ know that! He is an ass and i agree with anna - probs just being stubborn and moody because he's a man!

And i was too scared to DTD til 8wks and i didnt even tear! My poor OH. I was just so scared because the last thing to go anywhere near there was a head :shock:


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## LoisP

STILL too scared :haha:


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## xgem27x

What is it you are scared of?

You should be all healed down there now, only problem is you will be really tight, so it will hurt, but theres no way of getting out of that really, the only way you can get it to being how it was before is by going through a few times of it being uncomfortable unfortunately :(

Me and OH used durex tingle lube, the lube helped get it in, and the tingle actually made it feel slightly numb and its was really cooling, it really did help :thumbup:


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## LoisP

xgem27x said:


> What is it you are scared of?
> 
> You should be all healed down there now, only problem is you will be really tight, so it will hurt, but theres no way of getting out of that really, the only way you can get it to being how it was before is by going through a few times of it being uncomfortable unfortunately :(
> 
> Me and OH used durex tingle lube, the lube helped get it in, and the tingle actually made it feel slightly numb and its was really cooling, it really did help :thumbup:

I don't actually know, just scared :shrug:
Thank You :flow:


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## lily123

You'll be okay hun :flower: plenty of foreplay and no rough stuff :winkwink:
xxx


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