# I'm happy, slightly disappointed grandmother to be :(



## Firestar

Found out on 2nd January that I'm having a boy. I'm secretly over the moon (would have been equally happy with a girl, but if pushed to make a choice, a son was my preference).

This is the first grandchild for all four grandparents - both grandads are delighted, and I believed my boyfriends mum when she said yesterday that a girl would have been nice on one hand (she had 3 sons, no daughter), but she honestly adores the idea of a grandson as boys are great fun (I would agree).

My mum........ she is overjoyed to finally have a long awaited grandchild on the way, but ever since I told her I'm pregnant, she has hinted that, push come to shove, she'd love a granddaughter. She IS delighted that above all, the 20 week scan revealed that everything appears fine, however I know my mum inside out, and I know that she feels slightly disappointed that she will have a grandson rather than a granddaughter. 

Matters haven't been helped in that yesterday she learned that the fiancee of a colleague of hers who is due the day before me and will be in the same hospital will be having a daughter, and I could pick up on slight undercurrents last night on the phone of "they got a girl, why didn't I?"

I guess my big worry is that if either my brother or myself have a daughter in the future she will subconsciously give off favoritism vibes/cues. I have no doubt she will adore my son, but I worry if she subsequently gets the granddaughter she is desperate for that she will give something away around preference.


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## Pearls18

Aww hun I really wouldn&#8217;t worry. My mum was definitely expecting me to have a girl, I think because she had a girl first, she never found out the gender with me (as she couldn&#8217;t in the 1980s!) so I think for her the process of finding out I was having a boy was very weird, and very anti-climatic. She never said anything to me (other than she was expecting it to be a girl) but I think she was disappointed, she has always said to me (before having DS) how she loved having a girl first so she could relax as she had &#8216;her daughter&#8217; if this makes sense. But my goodness soon as DS was born he was the apple of her eye right away, hand on heart I know she wouldn&#8217;t change him for the world and since having him she&#8217;s totally changed her attitude and says things like &#8220;boys are much more loving you know, you were never like that with me&#8221; (I have a brother too). I think she wants me to have a girl for me because she knows how desperate I am to have a girl, but now he&#8217;s here there is not a shred of disappointment. So my point is don&#8217;t panic now, she isn;t carrying him so she isn&#8217;t really bonding yet, soon as she holds HER grandchild I do think she will change. I do feel a pressure to have a girl before my brother too just because as the eldest I feel it&#8217;s my job lol...but I&#8217;m not worried she&#8217;d love their daughter more, in fact I know I shouldn&#8217;t say such a thing but I can;t ever imagine any child comparing to my DS to my mum I think he&#8217;ll always secretly be her favourite being the first, but she won&#8217;t let it show! So don&#8217;t panic yet :flower:


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## Firestar

Thanks for the reply - definitely reassuring, particularly as I'm in virtually the same situation, female and the oldest with a younger brother 
I'm sure she'll be fine - I read your reply on my mobile when I was at my parents house, and got the courage up to broach things with her. She was honest and did say that initially, yes, a granddaughter was the preference, but since she found out two days ago that she will have a grandson, she's got used to the idea and is pretty excited. I know she'll adore him when he arrives, I guess I needed reassurance, and between talking to her and reading your reply, I do feel much better about it all :)


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## BabyCleo

Sounds like my mum. I had told her ive always wanted a boy, but i got this cold silence on the other end - she wants a granddaughter! Dont worry what she thinks, im happy you are happy which is the most important part! :) When that boy comes into the world she will love him just the same, im sure of it. :hugs:


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## confused87com

my mil made it obvious she wanted a granddaughter, my sil was trying to get pregnant and my mil was already buying pink! when i got pregnant first she seemd to think it was wrong because we had only just got married and fell preg straight away. i suppose she felt bad for my sil, but then she was convinced it was a girl and the pink buying continued! when we found out it was a michael she continued to buy pink and said my sil would have the girl...well she had a boy too! the pink buyin continued and now she has someone to dress in it! however obvious she was about wanting a granddaughter she has been v good and dotes on my son, so im sure your mum will be fine as she isnt obviously showing her disappointment like my mil did!


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