# Family's Reactions to Homebirth



## Whitbit22

Did anyone else have sort of 'backward' family when you told them your plan? How did you deal with it? My family has all had hospital births and they're doubtful that homebirth with a midwife is 'safe'. I have my first appointment with my midwife coming up but I really don't know what I 'need' to be asking about homebirth because I am completely comfortable with it. Any advice?


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## kellyb

Some of my family members were cool with it, while others were not. It's interesting, because my mom is an NICU nurse, so she had the biggest problem with it, as she deals with worst-case-scenarios all the time, BUT at the same time, she had drug-free births in the hospital with my brother and me! We did have a bit of a fight over it all, but in the end she had to realize that it was my decision, and that I didn't just come to this decision on a whim, but I really researched a ton! I think that anyone who disapproves eventually has to just suck it up as it's your decision. 

As far as questions to ask, there are definitely some great websites about homebirth, which may trigger some questions for you. My favorite is:

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/

Good luck with everything!


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## Whitbit22

Wow, thanks Kellyb! This is a very thorough site, I appreciate it. 

I guess what I want to do is just educate my family. Especially in my Mom's case, she's just worried and I want to reassure her. Midwives aren't very common here at all and I still have a lot to learn but I have to make sure I let her in on everything too because she will unfortunately not be able to be with me at the birth (which is a big part of the anxiety I think) since she lives a 9 hour drive away!


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## lynnikins

my mother was thrilled caus she had 2 homebirths out of 5 children and my sister did too, my friends were the sceptics as a few of them had hard times with their first and " would have died if they were at home" when from knowing thier stories they would have easily been transfered in time for assistance and being in hospital probably started their problems anyway


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## ljo1984

my mum was fine as she wanted a HB with my younger brother my brother and SIL are fine but to be honest i havnt told anyone else family wise! especially OH side as i think there will be a bit of an "what you doing that for" " are you mad" sort of reaction and i just cant be bothered with it. but if its your mum you sort of want her involved so i'd show her the evidence on websites like the one kelly has directed you to, she will come around. xx


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## madasa

My family were all very sincerely happy and excited for me. Like, "Wow, that's great!" 

DH's family were all, "ummmm..." <blank look> clearly thinking "omfg she is batshit CRAYZAY! How do we save the baby? Will she listen to reason? Argh!" <strained silence> "Errrr, you will think about the safety of the baby won't you?"


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## ljo1984

ha ha do people really think if HB were dangerous MW would agree to them!!


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## Whitbit22

LOL! The midwife explained to me that they "specialize in normal, healthy births" and that they have the capacity to identify one that is not. That is a no-brainer for me.. I trust that women have been birthing babies longer than men in white suits.


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## bassdesire

My family doesn't get anything that I do related to kids, including breastfeeding, the foods they eat, the parenting style we follow, the way we want to birth.... it is so hard when your family doesn't agree let alone value anything that you are doing... sigh

I just gave up. I won't get approval or "good job" or anything like that. I realize that I am doing it for my own family now.


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## fides

My mom is okay with it, only b/c we lost our 1st child (m/c) - to her, it's just my need to be over-protective with this one or something... DH's family doesn't really care much either way - they're pretty laid back. 

It's my friends that are the issue b/c home births are so rare here. I haven't even brought myself to tell my best friend b/c of the way she reacted to when I told her I didn't want an epidural (that was before we decided on a home birth). She's an MD and a PhD, so I understand that she's been trained to see home births as dangerous, etc., but i wish she could read some of the things I've read over the past several months...


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## NuKe

my mum's definitely not keen, despite being born at home herself :dohh:

i dont think theres any stats out there that wud change her mind.


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## Samantha675

I think my mother supports homebirth for everyone but me. She supports my decision but I think deep down she is very worried. Before my LO went head down she was driving me nuts. Kept on about us being safe. I kept explaining that if the baby didn't turn I would be delivering at the hospital since neither myself nor my MWs feel comfortable with a breech HBAC. Thank all the baby has turned.


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## SoyLatte

My husbands mother is a peds nurse and she was against it initially. My husband is also a medical professional and he talked her out of freaking on us.

My mom wasn't thrilled at first then I sent her "The Buisness of Being Born" and now she's totally on board.

My grandmother doesn't understand exactly whats happening and keeps asking over and over again what the doctor has to say about all this.:dohh:


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## sannod

I really want a homebirth and my family is 100% against it. it becomes a huge fight and they wont even consider it. they say things like we will never forgive you if something happens. i literally live a 2 minute drive to the hospital and that includes time in and out of the car. i just wish someone was on my side. they also think that a house is too dirty to have a baby. i was like whats the difference if i come straight home? I plan to have 2 midwives and a doula.


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## NaturalMomma

Pretty much all of my family were fine with it, so that was nice.


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## Whitbit22

sannod said:


> I really want a homebirth and my family is 100% against it. it becomes a huge fight and they wont even consider it. they say things like we will never forgive you if something happens. i literally live a 2 minute drive to the hospital and that includes time in and out of the car. i just wish someone was on my side. they also think that a house is too dirty to have a baby. i was like whats the difference if i come straight home? I plan to have 2 midwives and a doula.

I'm also a 2 minute drive from the hospital. It's about 2-3 blocks.. so I'm not worried at all. I will also have two midwives and haven't decided yet for a doula. 

I was reading in the reader's digest the other day "things nurses don't tell you" and one actually says after her shift she actually leaves her shoes OUTSIDE her house because hospitals are so dirty and germ-ridden. With all the antibiotic resistant bacteria morphing nowadays, this is one of my number one reasons to stay at home. That, and I know several people who have acquired crazy infections while admitted. 

I am worried about my grandmother's reaction. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know yet, but she always makes it a point to push her opinions on everyone. Everyone sort of tip-toes around her with a lot of things. I am hoping since my mom is more on board now she can help me when I need to defend our standpoint. :shrug:


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## Narie

I've only told my side of the family so far that we are considering a home birth this time around my Mum hasn't told me not to do it but said she wouldn't feel comfortable doing it but my Gran who chose to home birth said go for it.

I'm expecting the in-laws to have a similar view to my Mum's but probably be more vocal about it.


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## Fuchsia1412

My MIL really annoyed me with her arrogant reaction and opinions..she's very kind of passive aggressive, and it was obvious she was shocked..she's a doctor, but works in occ health now, and is a complete massive over-reactor. Everything with her is worse case scenario though..like, my LO has a cold, but perhaps it's actually the beginning of some rare bronchial disorder (made that up, but you know what I mean...) -the thing is, she herself naturally birthed two huge babies, and she's tiny, and afterwards was Ms. La leche league's biggest fan, holding BF meetings in the house and generally being mother nature...so , I was surprised that she was so uneducated about homebirthing. I hate explaining myself to her, or anyone who has a problem with it. I usually reply that they should go and look in their NHS pregnancy book, homebirth is an option there and they now also have to state that hospital births carry a higher chance of an intervention, just by being there....when homebirth is stated as safe in national, general, widespread literature given to every pregnant woman in the UK, I think it's time to trust the stats, it's not like I pulled the idea out of 'new age alternative pregnancy journal for barefoot tree huggers' (sorry no offence..I do genuinely love trees,and being barefoot, I'm just playing up to the image that others seem to have of homebirthing...)


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## cranberry987

My Mum obviously doesnt agree but for once in her life shuts up and lets me get on with it.

My MIL thinks that she gave birth in some magically safe place because she went to a MW led unit - wont see that home births are the same but just its my house which turns into a mess. 

SIL/BIL are 3w ahead of me and having an ELCS because shes measuring 2w ahead and her MW has scared her into it. Shes also got pretty bad SPD and cant move about much, so basically using that as an excuse.

I basically just smile and nod. If they ask direct questions I tell them honestly what our plans are, If they say stuff like its unsafe I ask why. BIL asked 'what if theres any problems' the reply was 'we have ambulances where I live, dont you?!'

Im not gonna lie about plans or cover up what we are doing.


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## Greta Chick

I had both my 2 older children very safely and positively at the local midwive led unit. That was my original plan for DD2 as dh was worried about a homebirth (couldn't get him to realise there's nothing they can do at the mw led unit that they can't do at our home :wacko: ). People at that point were saying "oh I wouldn't risk it." and "It's not worth it coz if something went wrong you'd never forgive yourself" etc. Blah blah blah, the usual crap.

Then at 36 weeks the mw led unit closed so our only options were homebirth or the main maternity unit - which I had FLATLY REFUSED point blank to go to with each pregnancy. There was NO WAY I was going there for my third delivery, so a homebirth was the only option now (which I was very pleased about as it had been what I wanted for DD1 as well but hubby was too anxious then as well, that's why we'd compromised on the mw led unit again).

Hubby also didn't want us to go to the main maternity unit so reluctantly agreed to a homebirth. I explained about safety stats, what the mw would bring with them to our house etc and how things would go. He obviously knew I was doing Natal Hypnotherapy as I'd done it every night at bedtime when he was there.

Once we told people we were now having a homebirth they upped the negative comments and for some reason everyone thought (still thinks actually) it was/is their god given right to put their opinions on us and tell us how irresponsible it is, how they could never put their baby at risk like that, blah blah blah.

The ILs weren't positive, but they know I do what I want anyway and I'd tell them exactly what I thought and throw stats at them if they said anything negative hehe :haha:

Friends were very negative but not as bad as aquaintances and strangers, they were appalling!

My Dad likes to think he's all new man so was totally on board (he was actually here when I gave birth, upstairs though :thumbup: )

xx


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## pea-in-pod

lynnikins said:


> my mother was thrilled caus she had 2 homebirths out of 5 children and my sister did too, my friends were the sceptics as a few of them had hard times with their first and " would have died if they were at home" when from knowing thier stories they would have easily been transfered in time for assistance and being in hospital probably started their problems anyway

Ooh I hate when peeps say that old "I would have died if I wasn't in the hospital" it's usually untrue because as lynnikins rightly points out, they would have been transferred before they were anywhere close to danger! I had a great first baby home birth and would highly rec it for anyone who is interested. Yes I had lots of opposition especially from friends involved in the medical profession! The are the worse for it because their profession teaches them that birth is dangerous :( I basically stopped telling people that we we're planning a home birth after I had the first few very negative comments. It was just easier that way.
I think your best course of action is to educate your family as best as you can. The research shows that home birth (in developed countries anyway) is as safe for neonatal outcomes and safer for maternal outcomes as hospital births. Yes that means you are actually safer at home than you are in the hospital!

Good luck! 
Pea


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## Fuchsia1412

Exactly (to the above poster) -or, they tell you one story they 'read about in the paper' about a baby who didn't get transferred in time and is now braindead/has severe learning disabilities/ died etcetc..right, they are heinous tragedies, but in general the vast majority of women will not experience that, and midwives should be recognising problems earlier on than that. Generally I don't do my risk assessments for daily life based on the fact that last year, 2 people fell from trees and broken their necks( ok no tree climbing...) and guess what, I bet more than 5 % of children experienced terrible accidents in playparks,(no more parks now...) and how many children walking along the road got run over...??(ok i'm just not leaving the house from now on) Occams razor- what is most likely to happen? or what is least unlikely, rather...I've weighed it up, the chance of something going wrong, and no-one noticing it, is miniscule. The chance of me having a bad experience in hospital, or at least not a joyful and life affirming one, is very high. So the chances of me having the birth I want, the best birth for me, our family, my baby- whilst also being incredibly safe, is a homebirth. Here's my advice- get a copy of Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin, and when people comment negatively, tell them they have a bad aura and that you want the most telepathic, psychadelic birth you can possibly have. :haha:


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## tripletsOMG

My fsamily is completely negitive about it. That saddens me cause it makes me not talk about itwith them because I dont wanna argue or hear I'm wrong or making abad decision. Its veiwed as selfish to put my babies at risk but what about the risks of the hospitals meds, c/s ect I really wish my mom and sister would suck it up and be supportive of our decision because i need there support and want them at the birth. So far just hubby and kids (undecided) mw and assistants:0(


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## jenny82

I've only mentioned it to my mum and brother. 

My brother just thinks I'm crazy, but he thinks that anyway :haha:

My mum doesn't believe how serious I actually am about it (in fact, I have an appointment about it tomorrow and didn't tell her what it was for). She told me I was nuts for not going to the hospital for a 'break'. Errr ok... :dohh: Personally I think she just wants me in the hospital so that her sisters can visit, as they wouldn't visit at the house.


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## taperjeangirl

I suspect OH's family will be very backward towards it , but sod them! I'm hoping that I will convince everybody that it will be the best thing!


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## bettny

my side of the family were great my grandma had all 8 kids at home so its seen as a normal choice my oh's freinds and family are very different maybe because they are in Serbia and here its hospital and a 5day stay in hospital after (even if no complications)
they are still sure i am putting the baby in danger and i have given up trying to educate them, they will have to get used to it luckly i will be having the baby in england so wont have to keep sticking up for myself my whole pregnancy just untill 32weeks lol


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## freckleonear

All of mine and hubby's family were against the idea, so I just told them that we were having a home birth and wouldn't be discussing it any further.


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