# I feel such a bitch...



## Roma3

Ever since I can remember I have always wanted boys. 4 boys was my dream family.
That's all I ever saw myelf having, but since falling pregnant I have realised that that choice isn't actually up to you! Me and my OH wanted a boy so much and even admitted to each other we would be gutted if it was a girl, we had all the boys names we liked, looked at clothes for the boy and spoke about how he would be. 

I went for a gender scan and I kinda knew I was expecting a girl to be honest, it may sound silly but I just "felt" it. This is our first baby and wasn't planned but we are happy now and looking forward to becoming parents... but anyway, we went for the scan and the lady asked me if I had a preference and I said boy.... She says she was 80% sure it was a girl and saw I was ready to burst into tears and said but there is still a 20% chance it could be a boy as didnt get an amazing view. Now I saw inbetween that babies legs, we all did and there was nothing there so I think she wants me to come back for a rescan to be kind to me just to see.

I am mixed emotions. I am pissed at the sonographer - if she wasn't 100% then I would rather she shut her mouth and say she wasn't sure. I cried and was gutted as have not got the son I longed for as my OH did, I feel like he wont love her as much as he would a son. I feel like I have let him down and I said to him I was so sorry I couldnt give him a son, I feel a failure. He is being totally cool about it and says yeah he wanted a boy but is warming to the idea and is happy as long as baby is healthy and this morning he asked how his "girls" were doing. He is taking this better than me.

I dont know why I am writing this post really, nothing can be changed now I just have to get used to the idea and maybe if I ever have another child that could be the son I always wanted.


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## elle1981

Hey you..#

Firstly and most importantly you havent let anyone down at all! Especially not DH. He will adore this little lady more than the "Boy" that you spoke about. This little girl is real not a dream and when she arrives and you see her, perfect as can be laying in your arms with rosebud lips staring up at you, you will melt and everything you thought you felt will disappear. Secondly there is was nothing you could have done our eggy's are always :pink: and its dh's :spermy: that decides the sex as some are boy and some are girl.
DH is clearly already coming round to the idea, and he will continue too and you will too. I promise. 

You are not a bitch...I feel the same. I have this irrational thing that i desperately want a last girl when the reality is a boy would be better as my youngest is a boy and he would have a close sibling to do things with and play with as he has 2 older sisters. But.... I WANT A GIRL!!!! And i know I am being a selfish, irrational knob. 
I also know that when the baby is born I will be over the moon no matter what as a healthy baby that was made with love is a blessing.

I have also decided to stay team yellow and focus on if its a boy...

Once it all sinks in...it will get easier and you will find positives including the fact that this is your first...boys may be on the menu later. Things happen for a reason.

Just remember you are not alone!!!! 

Elle xx


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## Roma3

Thanks Elle, you have been really sweet. I did what you said and looked at girls clothes online and I must admit they are really pretty, with the big frilly knickers and cute dresses. I'm not a girlie girl at all, so I can see her being a little tomboy like me and climbing trees and catching frogs and stuff and going shooting with her Dad.

I have 5 months to get used to it and re-adjust my way of thinking as it's all changed to what I had envisaged. Its just a case of changing my mindset. :thumbup:

I don't think you're selfish for wanting your last to be a boy, you're really lucky to have both though but I know that's not the point. If you could have, would you ever do that gender selection malarkey where you can choose?


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## elle1981

I completely understand what you mean about not being a girly girl and neither of my girls are mega girly...we live in the country have dogs and horses and my mum has a small holding so they are always outside getting dirty and muddy, plus brother is a keen gunsman ( clay pigeon etc) and so the girls are so used to that enviroment and they love going fishing! lol! but when they do scrub up and put a dress on they love it and so do I! And baby girls are adorable, and both of mine were so easy. Not that my little man wasnt he just got trickier as he got older lol. 

If i had 2, 3 or more of a single sex then i would absolutely consider gender selection. I couldnt if it was my first or now when i have both as deep down i am being irrational wanting a girl...when i already have girls. 

Your little lady will fit in to your lifestyle and the way you are...and she will love you unconditionally.

P.s girls stuff is just awesome....boy is so boring or expensive for the things I like!! Booooo xx


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## mommysbaby

hey Roma, take it frm someone who cried for 5 months for having a girl. I already have a boy & njoyed him sooooo much that couldn't even think of having anything but another boy. Same did OH & ofcource the big bro. after my gender scan we 3 didn't talk with each other for 2/3 days... so bad was our mentality. 
But when she came everything changed like day & night. Today she has turned 2 months and my son can't even think of her getting hurt or living without her. 
Also he is 11 so was really really strong abt having a brother & I was equally strong too. I posted here same like u 6 months back. everybody told me different good things abt girls. but let me tell u something, we know everything still we can't accept it. but the biggest fact in the world is blood that attracts it's own blood, might be dad, mom or sibling..... so u r going to be fine in max 5 months.... :)


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