# afraid of hospital



## milkmachine

I am actually really badly afraid of going to hospital to deliver this baby so much so i am seriously considering not notifying medical staff when i go into labour ( i do not need a talk on why medical staff are important and what might go wrong you wont get anywhere i have firm reasons for my choices and you will only get offended by my reaction) is anyone else feeling this way?! i am really really utterly terrified i cant full explain in words how scared i am of going to hospital the thought of it makes me want to cry!


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## hekate

could you maybe get a private midwife....I know it's expensive,but may be worth it as you will build up a relationship beforehand and you get to explain your fear?


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## Freya

I've only recently heard about 'free birthing' or unassisted childbirth - birthing without medical staff and it wouldn't do for me personally even though I am a home birth, no intervention based birthing advocate! Maybe there is some middle ground though?

Cant say I'm a fan of hospitals either. Did you have a bad experience birthing your DD? Would you hire a Doula to support you during the birth (big evidence base on easier, quicker labours and births in the presence of Doula's or equivilents - if money is an issue to hire one, you can still apply).

xxx


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## milkmachine

I had a still birth, botched d+c then was treated poorly during labour with my daughter. Its not a case of im not a fan the thought if it literally makes me sob with fear. An independent midwife is WAY out of what i can afford there are two locally to me each charges 3.5-4.5k. I did look at doulas i also interviewed a few but they are just birth partners that you pay, locally to me they are just around for a few antenatal lessons (which i dont need) and the birth then you pay extra for breastfeeding support. i might aswell throw my money away and as a recently singled mummy i just dont have money to do that with. i have very close people too me that can support me during labour who actually know when to leave me alone etc etc based on our 7/8 year friendships.
Also Friends who have medical training.
I may change my mind when the time comes but i know because of my history that any midwife that comes out will look for the smallest reason to get me into hospital. My local hospital is dirty, and the mat unit is under special measures for killing babies!
When i was in labour with my daughter i was bullied into an induction being told things like 'well if your baby dies youll have two dead babies that youll have to live with' then ignored and not believed when i was in labour. I saw a poor women who had been inducted and left give birth on the floor of the ward because noone was listening to her or her husband. i am not leaving myself in the position to be needlessly treated like that again.


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## hekate

milkmachine said:


> I had a still birth, botched d+c then was treated poorly during labour with my daughter. Its not a case of im not a fan the thought if it literally makes me sob with fear. An independent midwife is WAY out of what i can afford there are two locally to me each charges 3.5-4.5k. I did look at doulas i also interviewed a few but they are just birth partners that you pay, locally to me they are just around for a few antenatal lessons (which i dont need) and the birth then you pay extra for breastfeeding support. i might aswell throw my money away and as a recently singled mummy i just dont have money to do that with. i have very close people too me that can support me during labour who actually know when to leave me alone etc etc based on our 7/8 year friendships.
> Also Friends who have medical training.
> I may change my mind when the time comes but i know because of my history that any midwife that comes out will look for the smallest reason to get me into hospital. My local hospital is dirty, and the mat unit is under special measures for killing babies!
> *When i was in labour with my daughter i was bullied into an induction being told things like 'well if your baby dies youll have two dead babies that youll have to live with' then ignored and not believed when i was in labour. I saw a poor women who had been inducted and left give birth on the floor of the ward because noone was listening to her or her husband.* i am not leaving myself in the position to be needlessly treated like that again.

sorry hun! that's so awful! I totally understand were you are coming from!....I am worried about something similar happening to me, as I also lost my son last year at 24 weeks and I am sure they will try anything to medically manage my birth, which also terrifies me....I am not a great believer in conventional medicine (put mildly)....
I know you will prepare yourself as good as you can and have as much knowledge as possible....and if you are "out of your depth" you can always transfer to hospital last minute.....
hope all goes well for you!


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## LoolaBear

what i would do in your position hun is inform them when you go into labour but also inform them due to treatment you have received from them in the past you will be doing the majority if not all your labour and birth at home with the least medical intervention as possible but will request it if required and that if you are not treated at a satisfactory level you will be making an official complaint to the medical board and to the local trust services as you do not and will not be treated like you were last time, but this will only be if you need the medical assistance.
that way they ar einformed incase you do need medical intervention if complications arise, and if you do go into hospital if you feel like anything is being forced onto you or you are being treated poorly then say to them, or shout if needs be, i am the mother of this child and i know my rights and if you dont listen to me or carry on with your behaviour i will come down on you like a ton of bricks after i leave as i know that the way you are treating me is unfair and uncalled for, do a bit of research if you have to and throw the legal book at them, they cannot treat you that way and if you dont put your foot down firmly they will, and everytime they come near you to try and do something you dont want them to scream at them in the face! worked wonders for a friend of mine! they wanted to break her waters but she didnt want them to as baby was fine and even though she was in major pain obviously she was fine so everytime they tried to she clamped her legs shut got on all fours and growled at them, they soon got the picture to leave her alone! xx


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## Freya

if you aply for a Doula under hardship fund, you will not have to pay. Have you got a birth centre near you, you could birth at. I have heard far too many experiences like your, and have strong feelings about inductions being used on many women unecessarily!! Some women are pregnant for 10 months - up to 44 weeks but the hospital insisits on bringing babies into the world before they are ready ( i understand about safety of baby being paramount, which is why daily monitoring is acceptable). A Doula is much more that someone who prepares you ante natally, they can give you all the information on YOUR rights so you can demand the birth that you wish, and will speak on your behalf if needed. WOmen looking after women in labour is a powerful energy. They can give you info like knowing you can refuse an induction, all being well with baby of course. In fact, they cant make you do anything you dont want, but the way some clinicians phrase things makes us think we have no choice! 

I refused induction drip and had the consultant and midwife lecture me during full contractions about it - not helpful. My 1st midwife walked out on me and refused to assist! I accepted fetal monitoring to make sure baby was ok - which was my compromise. All was fine.

Have a read of this book if you've got a library close by, "Ina May's guide to childbirth" - by Ina May Gaskin. Fantastic for restoring your confidence in you and your body to birth naturally.

xxxx


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## milkmachine

My daughter was recently blue lighted to hospital due to convulsions and it literally took 5 mins, i am fully informed aware and sensible although i am very acutely aware that people hear the word freebirthing and panic thinking its a reckless decision etc etc. i am not planning a freebirth as such. my childrens dad would prob call someone when the water hits the floor even if i didnt want him too... it just fills me with dread and fear. Hopfully i can just call someone when its going to be to late to move me anywhere (unless its a real emergency obviously) x


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## milkmachine

Freya said:


> if you aply for a Doula under hardship fund, you will not have to pay. Have you got a birth centre near you, you could birth at. I have heard far too many experiences like your, and have strong feelings about inductions being used on many women unecessarily!! Some women are pregnant for 10 months - up to 44 weeks but the hospital insisits on bringing babies into the world before they are ready ( i understand about safety of baby being paramount, which is why daily monitoring is acceptable). A Doula is much more that someone who prepares you ante natally, they can give you all the information on YOUR rights so you can demand the birth that you wish, and will speak on your behalf if needed. WOmen looking after women in labour is a powerful energy. They can give you info like knowing you can refuse an induction, all being well with baby of course. In fact, they cant make you do anything you dont want, but the way some clinicians phrase things makes us think we have no choice!
> 
> I refused induction drip and had the consultant and midwife lecture me during full contractions about it - not helpful. My 1st midwife walked out on me and refused to assist! I accepted fetal monitoring to make sure baby was ok - which was my compromise. All was fine.
> 
> Have a read of this book if you've got a library close by, "Ina May's guide to childbirth" - by Ina May Gaskin. Fantastic for restoring your confidence in you and your body to birth naturally.
> 
> xxxx

I am very aware of my rights  this is the third birth that i have wanted to have at home. only this time i am fully educated i had the fear of god put into me by consultants last time and i was also pretty poorly during my last pregnancy so had no fight in me really. 
There is nothing in the way of birth centre anywhere near me which is stupid because we have a very high birthrate. 
I dont need confidence in my body and ability to birth naturally, its not the birth i have a problem with its the idea of being in hospital.


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## LoolaBear

milkmachine said:


> My daughter was recently blue lighted to hospital due to convulsions and it literally took 5 mins, i am fully informed aware and sensible although i am very acutely aware that people hear the word freebirthing and panic thinking its a reckless decision etc etc. i am not planning a freebirth as such. my childrens dad would prob call someone when the water hits the floor even if i didnt want him too... it just fills me with dread and fear. Hopfully i can just call someone when its going to be to late to move me anywhere (unless its a real emergency obviously) x

if it fills you with that much fear and dread you thought about hypnotherapy to help control you fear a bit more? even if you cant afford it you can do it yourself in a way, all you need to do is meditate twice a day every day best once in the morning and once in the evening if possible, concentrate on your breathing, in for 10 counts out for 10 counts, eyes closed, picturing your baby, and just say the mantra 'i am a blessed childbearing woman, i am strong willed and know my own body, i will not panic if medical intervention is required for the safety of my precious child' say it to yourself 15 times. it will really help you to relax and clear your mind more and calm your nerves and feelings for if the time arises where you do need their help. xx


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## milkmachine

LoolaBear said:


> what i would do in your position hun is inform them when you go into labour but also inform them due to treatment you have received from them in the past you will be doing the majority if not all your labour and birth at home with the least medical intervention as possible but will request it if required and that if you are not treated at a satisfactory level you will be making an official complaint to the medical board and to the local trust services as you do not and will not be treated like you were last time, but this will only be if you need the medical assistance.
> that way they ar einformed incase you do need medical intervention if complications arise, and if you do go into hospital if you feel like anything is being forced onto you or you are being treated poorly then say to them, or shout if needs be, i am the mother of this child and i know my rights and if you dont listen to me or carry on with your behaviour i will come down on you like a ton of bricks after i leave as i know that the way you are treating me is unfair and uncalled for, do a bit of research if you have to and throw the legal book at them, they cannot treat you that way and if you dont put your foot down firmly they will, and everytime they come near you to try and do something you dont want them to scream at them in the face! worked wonders for a friend of mine! they wanted to break her waters but she didnt want them to as baby was fine and even though she was in major pain *obviously she was fine so everytime they tried to she clamped her legs shut got on all fours and growled at them, they soon got the picture to leave her alone!* xx

can see myself doing that!


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## milkmachine

LoolaBear said:


> milkmachine said:
> 
> 
> My daughter was recently blue lighted to hospital due to convulsions and it literally took 5 mins, i am fully informed aware and sensible although i am very acutely aware that people hear the word freebirthing and panic thinking its a reckless decision etc etc. i am not planning a freebirth as such. my childrens dad would prob call someone when the water hits the floor even if i didnt want him too... it just fills me with dread and fear. Hopfully i can just call someone when its going to be to late to move me anywhere (unless its a real emergency obviously) x
> 
> if it fills you with that much fear and dread you thought about hypnotherapy to help control you fear a bit more? even if you cant afford it you can do it yourself in a way, all you need to do is meditate twice a day every day best once in the morning and once in the evening if possible, concentrate on your breathing, in for 10 counts out for 10 counts, eyes closed, picturing your baby, and just say the mantra 'i am a blessed childbearing woman, i am strong willed and know my own body, i will not panic if medical intervention is required for the safety of my precious child' say it to yourself 15 times. it will really help you to relax and clear your mind more and calm your nerves and feelings for if the time arises where you do need their help. xxClick to expand...

i am listening to the natal therapy cds most evenings and they are really helpful. going with the flow seems to be the only option, i have such naggins anxiety about hospital. i am seeing the midwife next week i think so will talk to her then.

I have been so freaked about being taken in for monitoring this will be my 4th midwife visit, they wernt very happy that a refused consultant led care and wanted to keep midwife visits to a min.... not very happy is an understatement actually because they refered me to a mental health trained midwife...hazard anyone have independent thought eh!


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## Pixxie

Im not surprised you dont want to go to the hospital if thats how they treat people! How far away is the next hospital? If its not too far you could go there instead. Failing that have your baby at home like you want to, call M/W towards the end and refuse to go to hospital unless there is a serious problem. You should have her there to monitor bubs just in case, if you didnt ring her at all and there was a problem you would never forgive yourself. But you can refuse anything she suggests, she cant MAKE you go to hospital and you can tell her to shut the hell up if she keeps trying to make you! Have you written your birth plan yet? Maybe showing it to the midwives will make them see you mean business! xxx


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## milkmachine

no birth plan yet, i have just started to get bits together for the birth. The next hospital is pretty far away. I think i will just sit it out at home x


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## Pixxie

I would just make sure you have a really clear birthplan then, and that your birthing partner makes sure they stick to it! Having a baby at home is a wonderful thing, dont let them make you feel bad for wanting it :) good luck xxx


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## Rmar

I don't know what the waiting list is like where you live but have you thought about a birth centre that isn't within a hospital? I know that in Australia, some people put themselved on the waiting list during the first trimester and you are already in the 3rd trimester.

Giving birth in a place that you feel uncomfortable is going to have a negative impact on the whole experience like making labour slow down or sometimes even stop. If you end up giving birth in a hospital, don't go without a doula. Find one that is in it for the passion of helping women and supporting them and they will more likely talk about the fees. Midwives will do the same. Call around in your area and, even if they aren't going to be your midwife, they will probably give you great advice on how you can create the best birthing experience.

Have you read _Birthing From Within_ by Pam England? It is a great book which can give lots of advice on making birth a rite of passage.

Read up on how to make an effective birthplan so that there is less of a chance that it will get chucked out the window and make sure your OH knows what you want and what to say to anyone if they stand in your path of getting it.

I wish you all of the strength in the world to make this a positive experience and a beautiful rite of passage for your family.


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## milkmachine

Rmar said:


> I don't know what the waiting list is like where you live but have you thought about a birth centre that isn't within a hospital? I know that in Australia, some people put themselved on the waiting list during the first trimester and you are already in the 3rd trimester.
> 
> Giving birth in a place that you feel uncomfortable is going to have a negative impact on the whole experience like making labour slow down or sometimes even stop. If you end up giving birth in a hospital, don't go without a doula. Find one that is in it for the passion of helping women and supporting them and they will more likely talk about the fees. Midwives will do the same. Call around in your area and, even if they aren't going to be your midwife, they will probably give you great advice on how you can create the best birthing experience.
> 
> Have you read _Birthing From Within_ by Pam England? It is a great book which can give lots of advice on making birth a rite of passage.
> 
> Read up on how to make an effective birthplan so that there is less of a chance that it will get chucked out the window and make sure your OH knows what you want and what to say to anyone if they stand in your path of getting it.
> 
> I wish you all of the strength in the world to make this a positive experience and a beautiful rite of passage for your family.

if there were a birth centre near to me i would totally push to birth there, that way it would keep everyone happy but there isnt which is really sad :-( it would make alot of diff to alot of people if we did have one. 
Im going to draft a birth plan tonight when my wee one is in bed, i might post it here to see what you guys think? 

Thanks xcx


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## kelly342000

i am confused, if you hate the idea of hospital, why haven't you spoken to your MW and arranged for a home birth?? sorry if i have missed something. i hate hospitals with a passion too, was determined to have my baby at home and had a wonderful home birth!


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## milkmachine

my midwife is unsupportive because i refused consultant led care. i dont hate hospital i am just terrified to have another baby in hospital. I know because of my history that any midwife that comes out to a home birth will try to get me into hospital at the slightest issue.thats if they come out at all! midwifes here tell you what you want to hear then when your in labour tell you they have no staff and that you have to go in. Fact is theyll have to find staff i guess!


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## hekate

milkmachine said:


> LoolaBear said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> milkmachine said:
> 
> 
> My daughter was recently blue lighted to hospital due to convulsions and it literally took 5 mins, i am fully informed aware and sensible although i am very acutely aware that people hear the word freebirthing and panic thinking its a reckless decision etc etc. i am not planning a freebirth as such. my childrens dad would prob call someone when the water hits the floor even if i didnt want him too... it just fills me with dread and fear. Hopfully i can just call someone when its going to be to late to move me anywhere (unless its a real emergency obviously) x
> 
> if it fills you with that much fear and dread you thought about hypnotherapy to help control you fear a bit more? even if you cant afford it you can do it yourself in a way, all you need to do is meditate twice a day every day best once in the morning and once in the evening if possible, concentrate on your breathing, in for 10 counts out for 10 counts, eyes closed, picturing your baby, and just say the mantra 'i am a blessed childbearing woman, i am strong willed and know my own body, i will not panic if medical intervention is required for the safety of my precious child' say it to yourself 15 times. it will really help you to relax and clear your mind more and calm your nerves and feelings for if the time arises where you do need their help. xxClick to expand...
> 
> i am listening to the natal therapy cds most evenings and they are really helpful. going with the flow seems to be the only option, i have such naggins anxiety about hospital. i am seeing the midwife next week i think so will talk to her then.
> 
> I have been so freaked about being taken in for monitoring this will be my 4th midwife visit, *they wernt very happy that a refused consultant led care and wanted to keep midwife visits to a min.... not very happy is an understatement actually because they refered me to a mental health trained midwife...hazard anyone have independent thought eh!*Click to expand...

I have no words! that is so appalling! :hugs:
who do they think they are? birthing-fascists!?


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## silver_penny

If you want to talk to someone privately about your decision, you can always pm me. I know where you are coming from! :hugs:


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## trumpetbum

I just really wanted to show support. Go with what you need to. :hug:


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## milkmachine

Its hard, i just know that the hospital will be the same as it was when i was in the the last two times. even though it is under special measures. i know people that have given birth there recently and they haven't even cleaned it up properly STILL.... i had faith in dec08!!! Skye in feb 07.... youd think they would have done something by now. i couldnt even shower after i had faith because the showers were covered in other womens blood! eurgh, makes me so angry. 

I am really thinking about my birth plan now, this evening. I have also started to put an emergancy bag together and a box of labour stuff for home so that everything is in one place. 

Im going to see what the midwife has to say next week, she seems to miss the point on alot of what i have to say.


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## silver_penny

I have found this online birth plan really helpful when thinking about what to put in your birth plan https://www.earthmamaangelbaby.com/free-birth-plan. You might have to do some modifications for your own, but its a great starting point!


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## UBC Mom

I had an unassisted home birth (no midwife, just myself). I seriously did not want to go to the hospital. I read everything I could find on orgasmic childbirth and used those techniques. My baby was healthy, the birth was awesome!!! If you are afraid it will cause problems when you deliver. It's best to deliver the baby in the setting you are most comfortable with. For me that was home alone. If I had gone to the hospital I'm sure it would not have been a good experience.


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