# we lost her. I'm broken.



## nicola ttc

Emily May was born by emergency c-section at 8.45 on monday night. I had been having contractions all day which they had been unable to control with drugs. I'd had an mri previously which confirmed placenta previa and accreta - they suspected the placenta had attached to the bladder. The decision was made to deliver as i'd started to bleed and at this point there was no other option. It was save me and hope for a miracle with our baby or potentially lose us both. I had a classical section from above the belly button to below the bikini line under general anaesthetic so they could get baby out as quickly as possibe.
The surgery went relatively well, they managed to remove the placenta without a hysterectomy and the accreta hadn't progressed to the point they thought so had not damaged the bladder yet. There was a hole in the uterus so had begun to rupture, the section had been the best decision we could make at that point...
Emily was 1lb 8oz.They managed to ventilate her and took her to the nicu.
After doing well for the first 38 hours, she had a pneumothorax in her right lung. The fragile tissue had torn and air escaped into the chest crushing the left lung so she was struggling to breathe. The medical team - of 14 - put in a chest drain...then a second....then a third...then tried to bypass the right lung...then tried a few other things we hoped and prayed might work.
They worked on her for 4 1/2 hours and couldn't have tried harder to save her.
At around 2.30 on wednesday afternoon, Emily decided she'd had enough and let go. Her heart stopped beating and they extubated her from the ventilator while we held her at 3.05. It was the first time we got to hold our daughter.

I just feel broken and empty and have no idea how i go on from here.
I'm not sure i can. Not again.

I feel so guilty that Emily had to be born too soon, even though i know we had no other choice, the dr's had made the decision and we agreed with that. I just can't help thinking 'what if..' 'if only..'. 

I just want my baby back.
I want both my babies back.


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## daopdesign

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you've been through the past few days. Such a sad situation to find yourself in this section but I just wanted to post and say Hi because I am carrying my rainbow after having a loss last June. This little boy will be born the same week I lost my LO so there is hope that next time around you will be fine. It's good that they know what went wrong as they will keep a careful eye on you next time. 

Please don't blame yourself, there was nothing you could have done and I believe sometimes it's just Mother's Nature's way of saying something just wasn't meant to be. We never got any answers for our loss.

There are lots of ladies that are or have been in the same position as you and I'm sure they will all offer their guidance and support to you. Take care of yourself and your family xxx


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## yellowyamyam

:cry: :nope:

:hugs:


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## SassyLou

I'm so sorry :hugs:


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## lch28

I am so sorry hun. I lost my daughter at 23 weeks and 6 days on February 28th. I have an incompetent cervix and just went into full blown labor, they could not stop it. It is heart breaking. I understand the guilt feeling, I felt like my body failed to carry her and it was my fault, when she was born she was trying so hard to breathe but she was much too little. She was only with us for 2 hours and she passed in my arms. I am here if you want to talk, it is so hard but the ladies on this web site have helped me so much


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## tummymummy

I am so sorry for your loss sweetheart. Life can be so cruel. Sending love to you at this heartbreaking time xxxxxx


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## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry.


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## kelzyboo

I'm so sorry xx


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## andella95

I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby.

Thinking of Emily and you (and Edward) as well.

:hug:


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## fluffyblue

I'm so sorry for you loss sleep tight Emily xxxx


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## MikaylasMummy

I'm so sorry for your loss =( is this your second accreta?was it a percreta or accreta?I had an accreta and had bleeds throughout but mine was not as severe as yours and only attached through but not all the way.I'm so so sorry.


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## lilbumpblue

Sorry to hear this very sad news hun...im sure Edward is now keeping an eye on his baby sister and hopefully sharing his toys with her too! Huge hugs xx


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## netty

i'm so sorry :hugs:


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## Pinkorblue11

:cry::hugs::hugs::hugs: I'm so sorry.


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## Shezza84uk

so sorry for your loss sending you strength and continued thoughts and prayers x


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## MrsRH

so sorry for your loss :hugs:
x


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## DueSeptember

*awwwwwwwwww I am sorry  *


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## gnomette

:hug: xx


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## soontobe3

I'm so sad for you x


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## Sapphire909

I am so sorry :cry:


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## tryforbaby2

I am crying hysterically. I am so incredibly sorry for both of your loss's. I wish there were more for me to say. I am very sorry.


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## TwilightAgain

I'm so sorry :hugs:

This world is so cruel. Fly high littles ones :flow:


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## collie_crazy

There are no words I can offer that will make your pain any easier, I know this only to well. But I wanted to say I am so so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Emily. I am sure her and Edward are together now looking down on you all :hugs: 

My angels name is also Emily :kiss:


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## littleANDlost

:hugs: I'm so sorry for both your loss's. Your in my thoughts.


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I am so deeply sorry for your loss .. Nobody should have to go through this, it is so painful and so hard to get through.:cry::cry: You never get over this, you just somehow try to manage it everyday, it gets easier , but it takes a lot of time to get to that point. I lost my Ava last March 2011 and I still struggle every single day, but I have to get better for my family and myself. I just want you to know if you ever need a friend I am always around. I am so very sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Missy86

I am sorry for your loss


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## mellyboo

This breaks my heart, i am so sorry for your loss xo


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## cazza22

So sorry hun I really am xxx :'(


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