# Making friends with other mums at the school gates?!



## LaDY

Sooooo...mummys who have had their children in school for some time...did you make friends at the school gates? How? Did you feel rejected at any point by other mothers? Whats the best thing to do? Mummy's who's LO's have just started school...how are you geting on? Im slightly unsure on all this...x


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## Shezza84uk

I would say don't bother lol my daughter is yet to start next week but I saw my mum and aunt go through the bitchy play ground gossip rings that forms just before gates open and that is just awful.. I prefer to be in and out lol xx


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## lisab1986

Shezza84uk said:


> I would say don't bother lol my daughter is yet to start next week but I saw my mum and aunt go through the bitchy play ground gossip rings that forms just before gates open and that is just awful.. I prefer to be in and out lol xx

My son starts school tomorrow..hes been at the nursery at the school for a few weeks before they broke up for the holidays and i must say i have also seen the cliques and bitchy parents.
I do feel as though im at a loss as we have just moved to the area and everyone knows each other and are really close etc. I do worry that when my kids are at school i will be home alone and not have anyone to talk to etc but i would much rather be in and out and not bitch about anyone or hang around for hours on end gabbing in a lil group lol


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## Dragonfly

Nah I am a loner I don't bother with that sort of stuff.


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## jam-on-toast

My daughter attended the nursery attached to the school she started yesterday, so I already made a few friends with other Mums there.

To be honest with college and hectic lifestyle I don't have time to stand around looking other people up and down, sniggering or being judgemental!

If they like me then GREAT, if NOT, do one.


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## Lois

This really intrigues me. What is it about the school gates that supposedly turns mums and dads into cliquey bitches? What is it that they do that makes it clear they are bitchy cliques rather than just people who know each other chatting? Isn't it normal to stand and chat to people you know rather than wondering around trying to befriend those you don't know? Genuinely intrigued ( and slightly tempted to go and observe at the local school even though my kids aren't at that age yet!)

Lx


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## whatwillbe

I say hi to a few of the moms but thats it, my kids have not long started a new school and tbh im glad i dont get overly friendly with them, there is one group of parents who congregate together and i cant help but hear alot of the things they discuss, eg sex ect and the effing and blinding that comes out thier mouths ! Honestly i think to myself this is a school playground ! There is a time and a place ! One of the dads today i overheard making racsist comments, and i couldnt help but think they were aimed at me, my kids are mixed race, i felt like hitting him ! Sorry for ranting on your thread, but personally i prefer to keep to myself in the chool playground x


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## vintage67

{sigh} My son is 8 and started preschool at 3. We have attended 3 different schools and so far it has all been the same; cliques and more cliques. I've always had such high hopes of making friends and have tried so hard. Last May when school let out for the summer I made such cute little fliers and sent home with all the parents for summer playdates. Not one parent called. This is a real sore spot in my house. I've shed a lot of tears over the various rejections we have been through...and that our son has been through.


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## JASMAK

I have really good friends in my kids school, and before I started working, I was heavily involved helping out etc. I think you can find cliquey bitches anywhere...school, work, playground, playgroups...but there is nice normal people too! At my school anyways! I am off work right now, on medical, and am having the pleasure of seeing all my friends. There is some that choose to lurk at the edges of the school, and that is their choice....I welcome anyone wih a smile if they make the effort too!


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## JASMAK

vintage67 said:


> {sigh} My son is 8 and started preschool at 3. We have attended 3 different schools and so far it has all been the same; cliques and more cliques. I've always had such high hopes of making friends and have tried so hard. Last May when school let out for the summer I made such cute little fliers and sent home with all the parents for summer playdates. Not one parent called. This is a real sore spot in my house. I've shed a lot of tears over the various rejections we have been through...and that our son has been through.

I have found summers hard as many are in camps, visiting relatives, camping etc. don't give up! Get to know the kids your child likes and personally ask their parents for playdates!


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## LaDY

Thanks everyone for your replies...i have to say that so far i have met lovely people. I haven't made friends as such but i say hello to everyone and they are so kind...i would love to get to know everyone better but i think this will happen in good time. Tbh i wasn't sure if making friends at the school gate is a must iykwim? x


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## hel_5

Well DD1 started on monday, so far I've chatted to a couple of mums and got to know the parents of a girl that my DD is friends with (and they live across the road) and we have already had one playdate, BUT it's a small school (19 in the class) and it's in rural Ireland so im assuming that I will get to know most of the mums x


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## going_crazy

I'm almost coming out the other side.... My DD's are 10, 9 & 8, so are in years 6, 5 & 4. I always see the same cliques and groups in the playground, and I tend to avoid them like the plague.... I often overhear them gossiping about who has put on weight, who has lost their jobs, who has had the most expensive holidays etc (they are worse than the children!!) They can be very competitive and I'd rather not be involved!

I do say hi to most mums/dads though, and do the whole "did you have a nice weekend?" etc, but I wouldn't want to go out for a meal with most of them. There are one or two who I regularly speak to, but they don't know much about me personally and that suits me fine!

x


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## WillowLeaves

LaDY said:


> Sooooo...mummys who have had their children in school for some time...did you make friends at the school gates? How? Did you feel rejected at any point by other mothers? Whats the best thing to do? Mummy's who's LO's have just started school...how are you geting on? Im slightly unsure on all this...x

Especially where I live...there a lot of cliques. I don't have the latest Range Rover or Mercedes unfortunately so I was at disadvantage straight away :winkwink:

Honestly though there are some lovely people- just smile at someone and if they smile back it is usually OK to go and say hello. Another way is if your child/ren make friends with someone you can go up to the parent and say "I'm Xs mother, I believe your Ys mother?"


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## WillowLeaves

Also probably should add i'm quite outgoing and friendly so if there is a Mum sitting on their own i'm usually the first to go over and say hello.


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## Amy_T

I would say I've only made 1 proper friend - the mum of my daughter's best friend, my husband and I are quite close to both parents now which is nice. Other than that I speak to a few others about our children, holidays, weekend plans etc but don't see them other than at school or at parties. There are also others who have never spoken to me despite smiles etc, these are known by us as the WAGS (which is maybe slightly judgemental of us but they act that way)... the ones with the posh cars who dress up like they're going on a night out to do the school run and who look at you like you're something they stood in for wearing jeans, trainers etc!


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## PixieM

I find that as I am the youngest on the playground parent wise they assume i am a baby sitter / sister rather than mum and then even when they do realise i live in a town were most of the mums with 7 year olds are later 30's while I'm only 23, I'm lucky that i am born and bread in that town so do now some mums but won't be going over and saying hello but will say a passing hello. Also it does help working in my local co-op because a lot of the mums come in there so again it wont be so scary i think, but i do remember at my sons last school there was a really cliquey group that i annoyed because i booked my sons party on the same night as there karate classes and even when i tried to accommodate them they came up with excuses so i went with the same time and said screw them!


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## LegoHouse

I already had a network (lol) from nursery, plus Caitlyn's cousin is going there so her mum had friends too, who I'm now speaking to aswell so it's been pretty easy for me x


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## LaDY

I think its just so daunting when the other parents all know each other as their children have moved up from pre-school together...i find it a little scarey :blush: I guess as long as little one is happy then i am :) x


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## Mummy2B21

My mum used tp always say the mums at the school gate were all bitchy cliques and i never really knew what she meant as my mum had a few women shed regulary talk to but now im a mum when i go playgroups there are sometimes little cliques and you get that vibe i dont let it bother me though as i start talkig to others but some people look really uncomfortable and i can only imagine school playgrounds to be a lot worse it is quite daunting as i doubt ill kbow anyone when my son starts as were out our area but i normally deal with situations like that quite well but still quite daunting lol.


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## sabby52

When my eldest went to school I worked in the same area as his school and as it was a dentist I worked in most of the people in that area attended that Dentist and the first person they met when going into the dentist was me, so I sort of knew all the mummys and children anyway. I always talked to the mummys at the school and I was one of the ones that always knew all the gossip :blush:

When my youngest started nursery I childminded one of the little girls in his class and there was a few kids from our street in his class so again I knew most people there. Dec starts Primary school tomorrow and most of the kids that were in his nursery class are going to the same school so again I know most people lol 

But I did have a time when I felt completely pushed out, Dec didnt get into our first playgroup place and I had to send him elsewhere, I knew nobody and nobody made an efford to get to know me, they all seems very bitchy and stuck up so I just kept myself to myself. I really couldnt be bothered with people like that. x


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## xarlenex

I currently feel like im on the recieving end of those 'cliques' just now. All but my son and another little boy went to the nursery on site so the rest of the parents know each other pretty well. One mother approached me to tell me Kyle was bullying her son and she wasn't putting up with it, I asked his name and its actually the little boy that my son tells me hes best friends with! :wacko: I must also add kyle has just turned 4 in feb, this little boy is older and alot bigger/louder.. i'm not one of these mums who think their kid does no wrong, but hitting/name calling just isn't in his nature, so went to school who told me there was just one incident where my son told hers his work wasn't right, but she had him apologise afterwards. 
Teacher also told me that they have dedicated monitors for primary 1 & 2 classes so I can be assured that Kyles not 'bullying' anyone as they'd know. I know shes been ranting about it, one of my neighbours told me about how 'evan cant get moving in the playground because another boy' she didn't realise it was my boy though. Apparently her son was bullied at nursery, so my guess is shes maybe putting words into his mouth unawares, or he's playing on the attention. Now as I head up to the gates I can see her group staring and its horrible, but I know shes not the type you can speak with so its not even worthwhile telling her what the teacher told me. She tried to get her son moved away from mines in the class too! But the teacher asked if its what he wants and he said no. I just dont know what to do!


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## Shezza84uk

Oh no I would speak to her with the teacher there! Honestly these mummy mafias are unbearable for this very reason I'm not interested in forming any friendship because I am not the gossip type but once you are dragged into a clique it becomes impossible to not be like them so I would humbly decline x


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## evewidow

I have made a lovely bunch of friends sine my ds1 went to school and we are not cliquey at all ( i hope ) . I always say hello to people as i think its polite. My son took a shine to one boy in preschool so i used to talk to his mom by saying oh they are good friends etc . Then he became friends with another boy just before the 1st school holidays , my son asked if the boy could paly but i still didnt know the moms so the 3 of us arranged to meet up at a local soft play so the boys could play with each other . It went from there really , a few party invites and a couple of years later i have made 2 very good friends and a whole bunch of other friends . I would just be polite and then start with the parents of the friends he likes best :D


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## Wriggley

I went with my friend to pick my god daughter up from her 2nd day of school. I was like OMG and now have no intention of talking to any mums at the school gate :smug: lol


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## shellie

I don't really speak to anyone in the playground. In the morning I just drop my son off and leave and in the afternoon I get there about 5 mins before he gets out an I just just stand to the side. One of the other mums always comes and makes a point of speaking to me, so I usually just have a chat with her, but I wouldnt say we were friends as such, shes really friendly but we just talk about whats happening in the school, not whats happening in our private lives. xxx


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## clairew4

I like to be in & out as quickly as possible when taking my son to school, it's his first time at 'big school', he went to the preschool and many of his friends from there are in his class, so I know the parents but I only chat or say hi to few of them, most of them seem up their own arses. I have exchanged numbers with one mum, who's lovely. It is horrible waiting about especially when everyone is chatting to each other and I'm being johnny no mates, it doesn't help with the fact I can be quite shy and feel awkward:dohh:


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## julietz

I dont bother i get to the school on time and wait out side the school gates never go in, they know where i stand so they come straight to me, probably depends on ur kids age ofc if they are toddlers but mine are older and in yr 6 now so prefer to walk home like their mates, we dont live far so i dnt mind and they have their phone so i can ring them.


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## motherofboys

I'm a very shy person, but I do now have some brilliant friends at the school gate as well as a few people I know from other places like church just to say hi to. One of them lives a few doors away from me but he had never spoken because I was too shy to actually go and talk. Her son lost his jumper and I found it on the way home one day and gave it to her and then we started chatting and she suggested getting the boys together as they were in the same class at the time and now we are good friends. Another was because the kids kept asking to go to each others houses for dinner, so we started chatting a little and then we were all reading the same book (50 shades) and decided to make a book club! Now there are 3 of us (the 2 I mentioned) who are like the 3 musketeers and then another 3 who are good friends but not as close. My middle son just started so there are mums I know from preschool there too, but I just got chatting to them because my eldest had been to the same preschool and when they were all stood round talking at the gates and asking each other questions and all going "oh I don't know" I took a deep breath and forced myself to speak to answer their question and now we chat about general things.


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## LaDY

Aww it is really nice to hear some postive stories about the 'school gates'. I am also happy to say that so far i have met really lovely people. I can only say i have really got to know one mother properly who i have actually started seeing as a friend however many of the parents are very poliet and always say hi...have to say it makes me smile to think i am surrounded by such lovely people...don't get me wrong...as many of them all know each other it can still be awkward...but it can only get better :) xx


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## motherofboys

It is awkward at first especially if they all know each other already, i'm in a little village where many of them grew up themselves so have known each other their whole lifes. I'm at an advantage having most of the kids in my sons class having gone to the same preschool as him. There are those who are very stand-offish, those who seem to think they are still at school and are the 'popular kids', those who think they are better than anyone else and those who are unbelievably childish " you can't be her friend you're meant to be my friend" but I've found my niche within the play ground so all is well LOL


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