# sex...how do i explain i dont want to hear it



## tanya29

i have a 12 1/2 yr old son who is growing up really fast...he is a very clever lad in top classes in all his lessons theres just one problem where i a iv always allowed him to be honest and open with me (as i believe this is the relationship i want with all my children) he is now getting into gurls (only fancying mind) and is starting to want to discuss sexual issues that are being raised with friends in school...i am only 29 i had him quite young and tho i dont mind discussing important sex issues there are certain things im not willing to discuss yet until hes older (oral sex etc) how do i let him know this without actually making him think he cannot talk to me full stop...i like to know what hes up2 and dont want him to think he cannot talk and discuss things with me...i just dont think he needs to know certain things as its way to soon...:blush:


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## RachieH

I know it must be difficult because to you he is just your 12 and a half year old son, but he will know an awful lot more than you think he does!

-I don't think you need to go into the ins and outs and to be honest I don't think you need to discuss oral sex...I'd have died if my parents ever talked to me about it lol .... but what I think i'd want to make clear, even at such a young age is the importance of safe sex. My OH was having sex at 13, which I think is Waaaaaay to young, but it does happen, so I'd at least want him aware of condoms!

If your son is bringing up things such as oral sex, I imagine he's trying to wind you up or embarrass you as the majority of children aren't exactly going to want a lesson on it from their parents!


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## tanya29

RachieH said:

> If your son is bringing up things such as oral sex, I imagine he's trying to wind you up or embarrass you as the majority of children aren't exactly going to want a lesson on it from their parents!

i have already thought that he is just having a laugh at his poor mummys expense...cause i blush profoundly and say to him johnny j (his nickname) theres a time and place and this is NOT it...! i dont find it funny AT ALL!!!


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## RachieH

tanya29 said:


> i have already thought that he is just having a laugh at his poor mummys expense...cause i blush profoundly and say to him johnny j (his nickname) theres a time and place and this is NOT it...! i dont find it funny AT ALL!!!

I should imagine your right there, proberbly amuses him to see you get embarrassed.....in a few years time it will turn around, I bet it will be him getting embarrassed when you ask him questions!


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## hypnorm

Personally i would stay open and honest with him, if he really wants to know he will find it out from else where. If my son asked me that i would be truthful with him, even if it was uncomfortable and embarassing. And if he is winding you up then it will be him who ends up embarased!!


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## beanie

I agree with hypnorm. I remember hearing about oral sex at the age of 11 from a friend and it scared the crap out of me (she told it wrong). I personally would prefer my child to hear about these things from me and not from anyone else. At least this way I could be sure they are being told about it in a sensible way. It must be horrible, I dread the day my baby is old eough to ask questions but be proud that your son feels that he can ask his mum these questions


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## coccyx

Are there any books he could read? I bought 'Have you started yet?' which is all about body changes in a girl as she approaches puberty.Basic enough for my 9 year old. Obviouslt the nitty gritty of sex is another matter!:dohh:


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## Suz

My folks never really had the birds and bees talk with me. Just said to wait until I was in love because it would be special. But to make sure It was safe. But we have Sex Education in US. I beleive it was In junior Highschool...... I agree with Rachie.....Have the Safe sex talk.


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## toot

I have 5 teenagers 2 boys and 3 girls and I never was excitesd about when the time would come to have that talk but I was always very open and honest with my children, I always felt that if they were big enough to come to me and ask me a question then I would always be big enough to give tell them the truth. My 16 year old son was having a hard time with his friends because he has not had sex yet, and he finally got tuff about it and tell everyone that he saving himself for his love of his life, I ma so proud of him.


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## ColtonsMom

RachieH said:


> I know it must be difficult because to you he is just your 12 and a half year old son, but he will know an awful lot more than you think he does!
> 
> -I don't think you need to go into the ins and outs and to be honest I don't think you need to discuss oral sex...I'd have died if my parents ever talked to me about it lol .... but what I think i'd want to make clear, even at such a young age is the importance of safe sex. My OH was having sex at 13, which I think is Waaaaaay to young, but it does happen, so I'd at least want him aware of condoms!

I agree.. I think you should inform him about safe sex. My OH was also having sex at 12-13; and even my mother (we are a very open family as well.. :) ) was at 13. I think its way to young and couldn't imagine my little boy getting into it that young, but two of my little brothers are already and they are only 13 and 15. Children nowadays are growing up so fast! (Coming from a 19 yr old! :rofl:)


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## Tilly

I suppose theres a way to go about it, id have also died if my mum sat me down and started explaining all the sexual ins and outs with me. I think you learn most of these things at school/from friends. I do remember my mum having the talk about periods with me when I was young, but thats slightly different I know.
If he wants to joke around, just say something to shock him slightly.. if you can make it a laughing matter, no doubt he will find you easy to approach.


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## tanya29

Suz said:


> I agree with Rachie.....Have the Safe sex talk.

i have had the safe sex talk...i got pregnant myself at 16...dont want it for my children but where he is hearing about other aspects of sex...more intimate aspects from other boys older than him...hes coming home and wanting to discuss it in one way its a good thing as he realises he can come to me and if he was say 4 years older i wouldnt be reluctant to discuss these things...but where he is only 12 1/2 yrs i think he isnt mature enough yet...thats the real embarrassing thing...


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## tanya29

Tilly said:


> If he wants to joke around, just say something to shock him slightly.. if you can make it a laughing matter, no doubt he will find you easy to approach.

i do i often tell him he is not old enough to stir a cup of tea with it yet...that usually gets him laughing and blushing all in one go...:happydance:


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## maky72

if he is asking he is old enough to be told the truth.
yes its embarrasing but is it not better he learns the truth from u rather than hear say from friends. 
being a single parent i'm open with my girls who r all teenagers. my son who is 10 i make a laugh and a joke about wet dreams cause i know his dad wont bother 2 explain things 2 him.
i also got a booklet called 4 boys which he laughed at tossed 2 one side and ignored for a few days. then i see him reading it and knew it was doing the job when he asked me a few questions bout it.


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## tanya29

maky72 said:


> i make a laugh and a joke about wet dreams cause i know his dad wont bother 2 explain things 2 him.

me and my son have had this one when he brought the sheets down one morning i grabbed them off him and he said hey mum i have had an accident i sort of frowned as i thought he meant wet the bed and he has never done that since he was a toddler...anyway he said no mam i had a funny dream so i mockingly chucked em on the floor and said ewwww time for the rubber gloves when i change your bed then...we both burst out laughing and he gave me a mocking stint with the eyes...he may be 12 but he will always be my little monkey...


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## maky72

it's hard find the rite time to tell them things which is y i think if they ask they have heard things so need 2 know the truth.


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## Tam

tanya29 said:


> i have a 12 1/2 yr old son who is growing up really fast...he is a very clever lad in top classes in all his lessons theres just one problem where i a iv always allowed him to be honest and open with me (as i believe this is the relationship i want with all my children) he is now getting into gurls (only fancying mind) and is starting to want to discuss sexual issues that are being raised with friends in school...i am only 29 i had him quite young and tho i dont mind discussing important sex issues there are certain things im not willing to discuss yet until hes older (oral sex etc) how do i let him know this without actually making him think he cannot talk to me full stop...i like to know what hes up2 and dont want him to think he cannot talk and discuss things with me...i just dont think he needs to know certain things as its way to soon...:blush:

I have been wondering how to tackle this issue with Jade. She has been very curious about sex since she is hearing about it at school and is getting mixed answers. Now she knows how babies are made, but she is asking how the tadpole gets into my belly.......Erghhh well I am not going to tell her what we get up to:blush: (which is the way I see it, I will think she will think of us doing that, and I hated that thought as a kid :lol:)

So I have figured it out.....she loves reading so I googled a search and on Amazon I found quite a lot of books that are aimed at kiddies to explain growing up, so I am going to give her the book and say that this is a book about growing up and getting older and growing boobies and hairs (which she is aware of) everything you want to know is in there and we can talk about any of it as you read it. The book I have chosen (Can't remember off the top of my head) but it deals with it all very lightly but with the facts, just not in ya face facts.....so I am quite looking forward to her reading that and see how she feels afterwards, as the main thing I am wanting her to find out about is periods. I do not want to alarm her by me telling her in a poor random way so I think that a book will ease her into it better than I could. I am just aware that girls can start puberty from this early age and would hate for her to be hit with her period one day and know nothing about it and it worry the life out of her.

They have books for both sexes. So I willdo the same for Alfie.

Maybe I am wrong, but I think that is _my_ way forward. x


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## Tegans Mama

Yeah I would just let him talk to be honest. NOT in detail, just let him know the in's and outs! Girls can't get pregnant from oral sex, etc etc. You don't want him to find out crooked stuff from his mates like we ALL did in school, you know, the whole you can get pregnant from a toilet seat thing... 

Its good that he's open with you. Just try to maintain that because a lot of teenage boys have harder times than girls because they can't ask mum and dad is.. well dad :lol:


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## Mynxie

stay honest and open with him huni and if he's trying to embarrass you, he'll sharp stop when it doesn't work.


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## brownhairedmom

Okay, when I was in grade 8 I found out what this stuff was about! I learned how babies were made in grade 4, and I cried. hahha


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## mBLACK

I agree, you should talk to your son before somebody else does. Children sometimes have the wrong idea about sex or what it is, and take it from me I'm 15 and pregnant, believed the pull out method worked. :dohh: We all got wrong information about sex when we were that age, and some of the people I know are having sex (unprotected!) at the ages of 11 and 12. Better safe than sorry.


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## Rachiebaby24

I agree with MBlack.....i have a 12 year old brother....(his dad dies when he was young so he doesnt have a man around....i always laugh and joke with him about sex and if there is something on telly i will bring up the conversation because i want him to have the right information....it is embarrassing and it is horrible (and im not even his mum!) but it needs to be done....all i would say is of they are informative questions, like how does a man give a woman oral sex, etc i would just answer bluntly...obviously if he asks questions about you then tell him its none of his business!! ha ha 

My OH actually chatted with my little brother about sex and turns out he has just started masturbating and watches porn!! (this actually made me feel sick!!!) but my OH reassured me that its normal....and my little brother has also been watching that programme a girls's 21st century guide to sex.....its quite informative and my OH said that my little brother said he didnt actually want to watch the sex as such, but know where everything goes and what a vagina actually looks like.....

It probably curiousity for your son at this stage (as he is just starting to fancy girls) and also probably wants to find out whether half of his friends are telling the truth when they discuss things....

I have talked about safe sex with my little brother and it was embarrassing but its better he knows as there are so many myths... (cant get pregnant if you do it standing up, etc) i tld him to always wear a condom and to never believe a girl if she says she is on the pill (some girls lie and forget to take it!!)

I know its hard as he is your little boy, but if he cant come to you, who can he come to?


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## Faerie

I would agree with RachieBaby... I'm not a Mum yet, and I think each child is different, but if he's asking the questions then I think he deserves the honest answers. You shouldn't have to go into your sex life but just be blunt. My Mum thought she did a good job as she explained how babies were made when I was 3 and she was pregnant with my little sister, but funnily enough I'd kind of forgotten about it by the time it became relevant!! Ok, obviously I'd figured out how babies were made, but it was the only talk she ever gave me, apart from telling me when I was 14 that she'd send me away if I got pregnant.. charming, it meant I never discussed anything with her ever again. She says now she was just trying to scare me and never meant it, but it meant I felt really alone. 
I remember that I'd never heard of oral sex when the "subject" first came up, and I was 13 or 14. I ended up going along with it because I didn't want the boy, who I really liked, to think I didn't know what it was :blush: Maybe I was just super super naive, but if I'd been better informed I like to think I'd have known how to say no.
I don't know what sex ed classes are like in the UK nowdays. I remember we had a talk about periods when I was about 8, but again I was still shocked when mine arrived when I was 10, guess I thought it was something that happened to adults. We had sex ed, which involved a couple of half hour classes watching some nudists play tennis... not quite sure what the aim of that class was!! I'm sure just having books around and it being something that your son feels he can approach you about will be no end of help. I can imagine it's embarassing for you but I bet he'll thank you for it, good luck!


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## Rachiebaby24

may be a good idea also, if you look through some girl's teen magazines....they have some good sex articles....(not just the biology of it all) but positions, safety, emotional issues...if you cut it out and when he brings something up you coudl say that you was reading though a magazine at the doctors etc and you thought he might find it informative....i dont think they do teen mags for boys....which is a shame as i got a lot of info from girls magazines when i was younger!


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## Faerie

Teen mags were banned by my mother.... wow I don't know how I survived.


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## Rachiebaby24

i used to love them...especially the "sealed sections" they were really good and showed you about diseases, myths, wonky boobs, penises, positions...everything!!! Its good to know these things...and i dont think its encourages young people to have sex...i never lost my virginity until 16 and a half...but by the time i did do it...i was very informed!! (Which was good as my boyf at the time wanted to not wear a condom and said he would pull out, and i told him wear it or we dont do it!! I read that it doesnt work so there and i dont know where your willy has been!!!!!!! he was not amused!!!) ha ha


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## Faerie

I know my Mum was just doing what she thought was right and trying to protect me, but there are certainly a few things I'll be doing differently! Of course no one's going to get it perfectly right, but I'll sure try


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## darkheaven77

i bought my oldest a book that had all the answers and i discuss every thing with them as i dont want them having any hang ups in life as sex isnt dirty maybe im just to open minded but it has helped her at school to with sex education she got top marks


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## hopeandpray

I think that it's great that mothers of boys are starting to make an effort, most boys my age don't have a clue! moms are more worried about their daughters getting pregnant but oviously it's a two way thing. My parents although they were too embarassed to tald to me gave me like 5 books which i pretended to be uninterested in as i 'knew it all' but spent every night under the covers thinking eww! that's disgusting! why would u want to put that in your mouth lol I met my OH when we were 16. He had already had 8 sexual partners, i thought he must be an expert, when we started discussing contraception he just said oh, i'll pull out. He had NEVER used a condom and never heard of precum! teach your boys, knowing how to do it isn't enough


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## lozzy21

My mam was open and honest with us. No matter how old we were and what question it was. I can remember asking my mam what a bj was when i was 10 and was nearly sick when she told me, my mam found it hilarious. Id just tell him so then hes not getting the wrong information and hopefully giving the right info to his mates.


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## lissaloo

hi my daughter has just turned 13 i never bring up the subject but if she ask's me a question i give her an honest answer ! somtimes i find it really embarrassing but if i don't tell her the right way she may learn the hard way and i don't want that !!


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## sleepinbeauty

I wish I could have talked to my parents about sex. It was completely forbidden. If he brings it up, you should talk to him because it must be important to him if he brought it up in the first place, you know?


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## hopeandpray

Faerie said:


> I don't know what sex ed classes are like in the UK nowdays. I remember we had a talk about periods when I was about 8, but again I was still shocked when mine arrived when I was 10, guess I thought it was something that happened to adults. We had sex ed, which involved a couple of half hour classes watching some nudists play tennis... not quite sure what the aim of that class was!!

ours was a naked family brushing their teeth .. it's no wonder kids have strange views about sex:dohh:


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