# meltdown tactics and support



## Reid

So talking with some other mums on another thread about our kids meltdowns and different tactics we all use to calm them down 
Though it would be really useful to share all ideas here on what you find works for your child so please share &#128522;

*my son's 4 and is speech delayed. His tantrums come from mostly not being able to communicate. 1 sure trigger is bringing him in the house he loves being outside running round and when it's time to go in he gets upset which turns into anger and frustration. My hope is that if I have this little box at the bottom of the stairs when we go in it will work as a distraction x


----------



## Reid

PresqueVu had a fantastic idea she suggested on another thread which I think could help a lot of mums and dads out 
A calm down box or bag which she put a mix of sensory toys in 
I'm just on amazon ordering some things to try this with my son 
His meltdown is normally triggered when we bring him in the house crying screaming running round throwing things which can last 30 odd mins I'm sure you all no the deal lol
Some pictures to follow of sensory toys you could use in you can box x


----------



## Reid

This is what I just ordered to put in my son's calm box poundshop has some good tubs with a lid and handle which I'll use

Some brilliant buys on amazon for this x


----------



## Reid

Something I use just now which has really helped us establish a steady sleeping pattern is some relaxation music and for a good few months now my lo was been going to be at 9 and sleeping till 8 the next morning x


----------



## Reid

Some better pictures of what I've ordered for his calm down box x


----------



## MummyMana

I usually try to keep her safe and wait it out, I've tried so many different things... Although since she's been able to say "noise" and put her hands on her ears we haven't had as many meltdowns :)


----------



## PresqueVu

Hey thanks for posting this :flower:

I read about a calm down box in one of rather a lot of articles I've read, and adapted it - it works quite well it allowing them a bit more freedom in learning when they are getting cross and how to calm themselves down. So it's more a preventative thing, or at least has been for my boy.

Sand timers, glitter sticks and soft tactile things work well - anything that lights up, or vibrates. A couple are cat toys :haha:

Music is a great idea! Have some large noise reducing headphones for the (long) walk home - as sometime at the end of a school day he doesn't have any energy left to talk to me.

We also have, a few times, had to make use of the 'screaming tree' which is essentially the first place it's safe and grassy that he can just lay down and cry, and kick, and scream without actually hurting himself or me. If I can only get him there.

The ultimate best thing I've been trying to learn is a thicker skin. Some people are judgemental, and a lot don't understand. *Their opinions do not matter*. We do what we have to, to keep ours kids safe and they can't help it when it gets too much for them! :flower:


----------



## Thurinius

Do any of you have any tips re obsessions? I mean the fixations on certain things in my sons case going to bed involves taking his pants off in exactly the same place (or else meltdown), then a very lengthy pajama choosing process (which I can interrupt otherwise meltdown), then he has to get his pajamas on whilst sitting on the chair (otherwise meltdown), then into bed and he has to decide on how many kisses each teddy gets (if I give them more or less then Meltdown) and then 'his medicine' basically a bit of water in a syringe, then he gets into bed but the minute I turn he has to get out of bed and sit on the chair for some reason. I leave him at this point.
There are other fixations too on moving books about in the lounge, to lights going on at the same time each day even thought it's light in the evenings now.

Do you guys go along with these things or do you try and break them?
Some of them he has let go, at one point he had to carry a blueberry around with him at all times


----------



## Reid

PresqueVu said:


> Hey thanks for posting this :flower:
> 
> I read about a calm down box in one of rather a lot of articles I've read, and adapted it - it works quite well it allowing them a bit more freedom in learning when they are getting cross and how to calm themselves down. So it's more a preventative thing, or at least has been for my boy.
> 
> Sand timers, glitter sticks and soft tactile things work well - anything that lights up, or vibrates. A couple are cat toys :haha:
> 
> Music is a great idea! Have some large noise reducing headphones for the (long) walk home - as sometime at the end of a school day he doesn't have any energy left to talk to me.
> 
> We also have, a few times, had to make use of the 'screaming tree' which is essentially the first place it's safe and grassy that he can just lay down and cry, and kick, and scream without actually hurting himself or me. If I can only get him there.
> 
> The ultimate best thing I've been trying to learn is a thicker skin. Some people are judgemental, and a lot don't understand. *Their opinions do not matter*. We do what we have to, to keep ours kids safe and they can't help it when it gets too much for them! :flower:

I noticed on ebay they sell made up calm down bags with these sort of things in them. I'm hoping this will help him it's really only when I bring him in the house he kicks off he loves being outdoors and because he's speech delayed it's his only way of telling me he's not happy about it so I understand it so if he knows he can go in and get this fun box I'm hoping it will calm him. 
Xx


----------



## Reid

Thurinius said:


> Do any of you have any tips re obsessions? I mean the fixations on certain things in my sons case going to bed involves taking his pants off in exactly the same place (or else meltdown), then a very lengthy pajama choosing process (which I can interrupt otherwise meltdown), then he has to get his pajamas on whilst sitting on the chair (otherwise meltdown), then into bed and he has to decide on how many kisses each teddy gets (if I give them more or less then Meltdown) and then 'his medicine' basically a bit of water in a syringe, then he gets into bed but the minute I turn he has to get out of bed and sit on the chair for some reason. I leave him at this point.
> There are other fixations too on moving books about in the lounge, to lights going on at the same time each day even thought it's light in the evenings now.
> 
> Do you guys go along with these things or do you try and break them?
> Some of them he has let go, at one point he had to carry a blueberry around with him at all times

I don't have any experience with this kind of thing at all but I guess If it wasn't harmful in any way I'd just roll with it xx


----------



## sequeena

Great thread. Honestly most of the time I panic and think fuck what do I do!!!! I generally take him to a quiet corner and let him calm himself down with his dummy. I have found vocalising his feelings can help but it's a bit hit and miss. I think because he doesn't understand what I am saying.

I find trying to give him objects a big no no as he will just launch them or hit himself/me with them.

Mostly I panic.


----------



## Reid

sequeena said:


> Great thread. Honestly most of the time I panic and think fuck what do I do!!!! I generally take him to a quiet corner and let him calm himself down with his dummy. I have found vocalising his feelings can help but it's a bit hit and miss. I think because he doesn't understand what I am saying.
> 
> I find trying to give him objects a big no no as he will just launch them or hit himself/me with them.
> 
> Mostly I panic.

I'm really hoping the box works for us will let you no how it go's. Sometimes I just leave him to it till he snaps out it himself normally do this when he's in 1 of his moods and anything you do say or if you try and comfort him makes him worse the once he's had his 10 mins he'll come for a cuddle guess he just needs to vent :) xx


----------



## AP

We have an Ikea egg chair and a tent + tent bed, its her own space when things get too much. We've tried vibrating stuff but its doesnt much of an effect.

Music is a big thing in my house so often her fave tunes can turn the world around


----------



## Starry Night

I'm new to the autism diagnosis but I've been handling my son's meltdowns up to this point by sending him to his room, let him get the worst out of his system and then I go into the room and sit on the side opposite him, speaking gently. If he's not done he usually screams at me and I leave and try again later. He likes to wrap himself tightly in his blankie from head to toe when he's upset. I usually leave him to it.

My son doesn't often have major meltdowns though. The really big, scary ones are rare so still struggle with those!


----------



## PresqueVu

Thurinius said:


> Do any of you have any tips re obsessions?...
> 
> Do you guys go along with these things or do you try and break them?

If it isn't affecting daily life, or school, I've got to be honest I just kind of leave it. I'll try and encourage slight changes, or take a little longer to give him something - do it slightly wrong etc if I can.

The things he's truly focused on that DO affect life, when we have to stop them - he'll have a meltdown and we have to allow for the time and recovery of that =/

I was talking last night with a friend whose mum works in SEN, and one part she was talking about was in terms of where you need to restrain them to keep them safe - approaching from behind, in a kind of bear hug can be better than from the front. This does seem to make sense in terms of the overload of faces/expectation etc being removed. She was saying that you can start off by wrapping arms higher up over the chest and then as they calm down move your arms lower. That's just for where you *have* to hold them otherwise they run off or hurt themselves.


----------



## AP

The bear hug is a great tip. We've also tried pressure vests.


----------



## Reid

This is our little box most of the stuff came today. I found a fantastic Website that sells some really cool stuff and the prices are great 
https://www.pheebsters.com


----------



## Dollybird

Stalking! Great thread idea! My LO doesn't have autism but he certainly has meltdowns aplenty! Love the wee calm box idea. Would be great to create a smaller portable version for meltdowns/tantrums at the shops etc xxx


----------



## Emma23

Great thread. Will be stalking. 

My son doesn't have autism but he has a genetic condition (along with a few other things) + suspected ADHD. He doesn't meltdown consistently but when he does he can really hurt himself, he has a habit of hitting his head on things. If I notice one coming on - which is usually when he gets frustrated at something that he can't do - I try to distract him but it doesn't always work. I don't send him to his room, mainly because he would probably just hurt himself if he was alone. Possibly on purpose but he also could accidentally as he has very little vision (he is legally blind). I just say to him that I know he's angry right now so I will sit here with him until he's done feeling it. I play music for him as he loved music, I sometimes put on a movie that he likes for the familiar noises. Luckily he doesn't have major meltdowns too often. I never know what to do when he's really bad.


----------



## R_x

Hi hoping for some advice. 
My son is 5 and we are waiting for him to be assessed for autism.
I have no idea how to deal with his meltdowns out of the home. He occasionally has them when he comes out of school, between him, having his younger brother with me and his bags etc I find it a real struggle to even get to the car.
Also days out, he had a huge meltdown on our last day and and people kist stared at him :(


----------



## PresqueVu

R_x said:


> Also days out, he had a huge meltdown on our last day and and people kist stared at him :(

:hugs:

The people watching DO NOT MATTER. 

Which part is the hardest thing for you when he has a meltdown? Does he stay with you, or is he trying to run off? Is your younger son in a pram or similar so he is safe whilst you are dealing with the elder?

I've got a rucksack I take on the school run (with headphones/food/supplies and various things!) it's large enough that I can put Aiden's school bags inside it, so that there is only one bag between us. This lets me have both hands free, which is absolutely vital. If you can reduce the amount of things you have to carry or worry about, that could be a good start.


----------



## Reid

R_x said:


> Hi hoping for some advice.
> My son is 5 and we are waiting for him to be assessed for autism.
> I have no idea how to deal with his meltdowns out of the home. He occasionally has them when he comes out of school, between him, having his younger brother with me and his bags etc I find it a real struggle to even get to the car.
> Also days out, he had a huge meltdown on our last day and and people kist stared at him :(

I wonder if you made up a small box or small bag with some of the things like I have in my dissertation box if that would work have a look at that website I posted they really have some fantastic things even the liquid timers they have mini 1s for £2 the fidget would be good 2 as it's small and when you see he's ready to go off give it to him and see if it calms him down try it out next shopping trip to and see how it goes xx


----------



## R_x

I know they don't matter but it makes me feel like they are thinking we are terrible parents :(

My youngest doesn't use his pushchair now but will either want me to carry him (and the toys he insisted on bringing) or try and walk ahead.

He will attempt to run off then flop down when I hold his hand while crying/screaming/shouting.
I think I will try taking a bigger bag as we have his packed lunch, book bag and water bottle. 

Thanks Lynne I will check out the website later.


----------



## Reid

Bump for someone on another thread


----------



## Reid

Been a while since I've looked at this thread and been some huge improvements in my d's behaviour he's came on a lot I the past months and I can actually get him in the house by saying ok 5 mins the in I never thought I'd see the day don't get me wrong we still have our difficult times but I'm so proud of how far he's come &#128522;


----------



## PresqueVu

Reid said:


> Been a while since I've looked at this thread and been some huge improvements in my d's behaviour he's came on a lot I the past months and I can actually get him in the house by saying ok 5 mins the in I never thought I'd see the day don't get me wrong we still have our difficult times but I'm so proud of how far he's come &#128522;

So lovely to hear! :)

My boy's having a lot of problems in school, home is hard but manageable. Or would be, if things were normal. We've got a lot of grieving to get past at the moment, since we've lost two family members recently. I don't think Aiden's grieving himself - I don't think he understands - but there's obvious emotional splashback.

We got a CAMHS referral a couple of months back, but it's not till March!

That being said there are definite improvements in some things - tiny steps, but they are there...:flower:


----------



## Reid

PresqueVu said:


> Reid said:
> 
> 
> Been a while since I've looked at this thread and been some huge improvements in my d's behaviour he's came on a lot I the past months and I can actually get him in the house by saying ok 5 mins the in I never thought I'd see the day don't get me wrong we still have our difficult times but I'm so proud of how far he's come &#128522;
> 
> So lovely to hear! :)
> 
> My boy's having a lot of problems in school, home is hard but manageable. Or would be, if things were normal. We've got a lot of grieving to get past at the moment, since we've lost two family members recently. I don't think Aiden's grieving himself - I don't think he understands - but there's obvious emotional splashback.
> 
> We got a CAMHS referral a couple of months back, but it's not till March!
> 
> That being said there are definite improvements in some things - tiny steps, but they are there...:flower:Click to expand...

Aww I'm so sorry to hear about your losses &#128546; perhaps this is why he's having problems at school.
good to hear therw are some improvements. May I ask what CAMHS is? The waiting list for most thing I've found are terrible our son's going for the asd assessment the end of this month they had told us it would be February but I got in touch with the msp and was after that we got it moved forward.
sending you and you're family my love getting through your grief xxx


----------



## PresqueVu

Reid said:


> Aww I'm so sorry to hear about your losses &#128546; perhaps this is why he's having problems at school.
> good to hear therw are some improvements. May I ask what CAMHS is? The waiting list for most thing I've found are terrible our son's going for the asd assessment the end of this month they had told us it would be February but I got in touch with the msp and was after that we got it moved forward.
> sending you and you're family my love getting through your grief xxx

He's been having problems for years so I don't think this has had much impact, other than grief increases the difficultly of managing the normal challenges at home for me and my partner. There's too much going on and I'm powerless to help the people more closely affected.

Thank you for your thoughts :flower:

CAMHS is Children & Adolescent Mental Health Services. It's to do with emotional/behavioural things. I'm really not sure what help it will be tbh, but I guess we'll see depending on what state we are in in six months...!

Good luck with the assessment next month :)


----------

