# Scared I might tear again (read with caution, traumatic birth)



## princess2406

My labour with my ds was text book and I used gas & air throughout and moved around the room, until his heart rate dipped so I was made to go on my back to push. At this point I lost all control and panicked and struggled when to push, ended up having ventouse delivery and suffered 3rd degree tear (he was 8lb 11oz and flew out!) as if that wasn't traumatic enough I also tore inside and ended up losing 3 pints of blood and was rushed to theatre for a total of 3 hours. :cry:

Luckily I recovered quickly and everything healed and had positive post natal check ups. Consultant has always encouraged me for a vaginal birth although I could of chose section instead but I decided against as really want to experience labour and vaginal birth again, and chances of it happening again are 4%. 

Now I'm getting closer to meeting this baby I can't help but feel scared it's going to happen again and honestly if I think about it enough I'm actually terrified. Spoke with the midwife the other day and it just brought everything back and I was so upset. 

Has anyone been through similar but then had positive outcome for subsequent birth?


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## ChickenMommy

:hugs: Im feeling the same way about this birth. I had a Csection with our first. Successful VBAC with our second..but he was 8lbs and shot out like a rocket. I joke that he lit a stick of dynamite inside of me and blasted his way out. I had a really bad 2nd degree, almost 3rd degree tear. It was horrible. Its been 2.5 years and Im still in pain if I squat down a certain way. I couldnt have sex with my husband for 9 months after our son was born because it hurt too bad, and even then when we finally did have sex for the first time I literally cried my way through it because it was so painful. I healed so quickly after my csection, I wasnt expecting the vaginal birth to be worse in terms of healing. But it was. It was so much worse. In any case, Im planning another vaginal this time around, simply because its healthier for baby and me, but Im TERRIFIED that I'll tear again and suffer afterwards. 

I am hoping that this baby wont shoot out as quickly so my body has time to stretch like its supposed to. And Im planning on birthing in a squatting position or on all fours so that its easier on my body. Birthing on your back is not natural and can make tearing so much worse. 

In any case, I hope this baby is easier on your lady bits. Just know you have a partner in fear :hugs:


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## BabyBlondex

If its any consolation ladies, I tore nasty with my first, and while pushing my second out I re-tore the tear, but I honestly didn't feel it happening and I only had gas and air &#128522; I know its a horrible thing to happen, but once its happened, to me it only felt easier and less uncomftable later on x


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## ChickenMommy

BabyBlondex said:


> If its any consolation ladies, I tore nasty with my first, and while pushing my second out I re-tore the tear, but I honestly didn't feel it happening and I only had gas and air &#128522; I know its a horrible thing to happen, but once its happened, to me it only felt easier and less uncomftable later on x

I didnt feel the actual tearing at all! Maybe Im lucky? I had no medications what so ever (we got to the hospital and 12 minutes later our son was born). But I definitely didnt feel it. The stitching up afterwards was MISERABLE though. :cry:


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## BabyBlondex

Yeah it is vile! I found on my second though the overall healing time afterwards&#128522;was quicker and didn't hurt as much, even though it was in the same place


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## princess2406

ChickenMommy said:


> :hugs: Im feeling the same way about this birth. I had a Csection with our first. Successful VBAC with our second..but he was 8lbs and shot out like a rocket. I joke that he lit a stick of dynamite inside of me and blasted his way out. I had a really bad 2nd degree, almost 3rd degree tear. It was horrible. Its been 2.5 years and Im still in pain if I squat down a certain way. I couldnt have sex with my husband for 9 months after our son was born because it hurt too bad, and even then when we finally did have sex for the first time I literally cried my way through it because it was so painful. I healed so quickly after my csection, I wasnt expecting the vaginal birth to be worse in terms of healing. But it was. It was so much worse. In any case, Im planning another vaginal this time around, simply because its healthier for baby and me, but Im TERRIFIED that I'll tear again and suffer afterwards.
> 
> I am hoping that this baby wont shoot out as quickly so my body has time to stretch like its supposed to. And Im planning on birthing in a squatting position or on all fours so that its easier on my body. Birthing on your back is not natural and can make tearing so much worse.
> 
> In any case, I hope this baby is easier on your lady bits. Just know you have a partner in fear :hugs:

Thank you for sharing  it's so scary isn't it when you've had a bad experience already. I'm hoping this time I can labour in the water but will constantly be asking to be checked. Mw said it would be easier for her to see how he's coming and how stretchy things are once I'm out of the water so I'm hoping to actually give birth on all fours or over the bed. Good luck to you xx


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## princess2406

BabyBlondex said:


> If its any consolation ladies, I tore nasty with my first, and while pushing my second out I re-tore the tear, but I honestly didn't feel it happening and I only had gas and air &#128522; I know its a horrible thing to happen, but once its happened, to me it only felt easier and less uncomftable later on x

Thank you for sharing  I didn't actually feel the tear as it happened even though I'd only had gas & air, there was so much going on I just didn't feel it. The healing process I found ok also it's just I really hope it rodent happen again!


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## lexey_7

I had a birth very similar to yours :cry: ventouse that ended with a third degree tear, lot of blood loss and hours in theatre it really is so horrible and ruins the whole experience. 
I fractured my coccyx which is apparently quite common with assisted delivery but that was awful too couldn't sit for nearly a year and it still hurts. 

Been thinking about it a lot recently too and been doing lots of research and I've decided to go for an elective ceserean this time (hopefully one doctor has signed it off seeing another on the 17th) 
I read so much stuff about how it may happen again or may not and how section is a hard recovery but I also read so much positive things on people having a much nicer experience from an elective and the recovery being not as bad as the tear, and really I'm just too scared to try again. 

They did say to me that I could try natural and then if this baby got stuck do the section instead of ventouse which they were strongly encouraging and might definitely be worth thinking about I think I'm just a bit too scarred by last time still!
Xxx


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## louisianagirl

I'm in the same boat as you girls. I had a venthouse delivery with a 2nd degree tear that didn't heal correctly and has scar tissue. Are any of you in discussions about correcting your scars after your last child? I would really like a revision on my scar whether I tear again or not.


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## princess2406

It's such an anxious time isn't it when you've experienced it once already. For me a section was a definite no straight away unless of course there is a medical reason why I should have one. I've been practising hypnobirthing to help me keep calm and my birth plan is going to be very specific around the care I want whilst in labour.


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## ChickenMommy

princess2406 said:


> It's such an anxious time isn't it when you've experienced it once already. For me a section was a definite no straight away unless of course there is a medical reason why I should have one. I've been practising hypnobirthing to help me keep calm and my birth plan is going to be very specific around the care I want whilst in labour.

I have to laugh at the hypnobirthing comment. Not because I think youre crazy, but because I had read the book and practiced while I was pregnant with our second. I hope it works for you! I remember getting to the hospital and being ready to push within minutes (literally it was 12 minutes from the time I walked in until our son was born) and being in SO much pain, my husband kept telling me "remember, the contractions are like ocean waves, in and out, ocean waves honey" I told him to shut up, it was all bull$#!t and it didnt work, they werent waves, they were contractions and it HURT. :haha: 

In all seriousness, I hope you find comfort in the hypnobirthing! And I hope you dont have to fight too hard for the birth you want and deserve. :hugs:


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## babyjan

I'm really worried about tearing down there. Although mine wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours I was actually given episiotomy and every time I think about labour I keep imagining the scar tearing open or another episiotomy! That's all I ever think about...


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## princess2406

babyjan said:


> I'm really worried about tearing down there. Although mine wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours I was actually given episiotomy and every time I think about labour I keep imagining the scar tearing open or another episiotomy! That's all I ever think about...


I know what you mean,hun, the midwife said to me they may want to do an episiotomy just in case to prevent tearing but I'm hoping neither happens!


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## Eleanor ace

I had a bad tear with my 1st (3c, extending into my rectum requiring quite a few internal stitches and reconstruction) and went for a vaginal delivery with my 2nd. I had a great water birth, small 1st and 2nd degree tears which I opted to not get stitched (massive needle wimp) and they healed quickly. I had my 3rd baby 5 months ago and only had a teeny 1st degree tear, no need for stitches :).


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## princess2406

Eleanor ace said:


> I had a bad tear with my 1st (3c, extending into my rectum requiring quite a few internal stitches and reconstruction) and went for a vaginal delivery with my 2nd. I had a great water birth, small 1st and 2nd degree tears which I opted to not get stitched (massive needle wimp) and they healed quickly. I had my 3rd baby 5 months ago and only had a teeny 1st degree tear, no need for stitches :).

This is really reassuring thank you for sharing!


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## Misscalais

I only tore with my 1st ( 8lb 4oz ) 2nd degree about 1/2 hour of stitching. I was so worried id tear again with my 2nd ( i got pregnant again when bub was only 5 months old ) so only 14 months between births. He was 9lb and to my shock i didn't tear at all, not even a graze only pushed for 8 minutes. And my 3rd also no tearing he was 8lb 5oz and again only 8 minutes of pushing i got a tiny graze.


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## princess2406

Oh wow well done you! My ds was 8lb 11oz so I do worry about it happening again if this baby is a similar size or bigger. It's so nice to hear these positive birth stories, thank you!


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## LoveCakes

Good to hear a few positive stories. I had a second and a few firsts, the midwives were actually discussing what bits went where I was so swollen. Like others it wasn't obvious at the time but the stitching was horrible. It was 2 weeks before I could stand up straight again and the first time we had sex it was ok but stung a bit and it turned out I retore the stitches a bit. Everything healed and has been ok since thankfully

I'm hoping to ask the midwife if there's anything I can do. I was pushing for 2 hours so plenty of time to stretch though she was 8lb 10

Fingers crossed.


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## louisianagirl

I made it ladies! I'm 11 days postpartum. I did tear in the exact same spot, however, the healing this time has been extremely better/faster. My baby was even larger this time. I'm hoping for some great news at my 6 week checkup. I had scar tissue that didn't heal correctly the first time. My OB attempted to cut it and fix it so we'll see! Good luck to everyone!


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## princess2406

louisianagirl said:


> I made it ladies! I'm 11 days postpartum. I did tear in the exact same spot, however, the healing this time has been extremely better/faster. My baby was even larger this time. I'm hoping for some great news at my 6 week checkup. I had scar tissue that didn't heal correctly the first time. My OB attempted to cut it and fix it so we'll see! Good luck to everyone!

Congrats! Sorry you tore again but I'm glad to hear your recovery has been better this time x


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## BabyBlondex

ChickenMommy said:


> princess2406 said:
> 
> 
> It's such an anxious time isn't it when you've experienced it once already. For me a section was a definite no straight away unless of course there is a medical reason why I should have one. I've been practising hypnobirthing to help me keep calm and my birth plan is going to be very specific around the care I want whilst in labour.
> 
> I have to laugh at the hypnobirthing comment. Not because I think youre crazy, but because I had read the book and practiced while I was pregnant with our second. I hope it works for you! I remember getting to the hospital and being ready to push within minutes (literally it was 12 minutes from the time I walked in until our son was born) and being in SO much pain, my husband kept telling me "remember, the contractions are like ocean waves, in and out, ocean waves honey" I told him to shut up, it was all bull$#!t and it didnt work, they werent waves, they were contractions and it HURT. :haha:
> 
> In all seriousness, I hope you find comfort in the hypnobirthing! And I hope you dont have to fight too hard for the birth you want and deserve. :hugs:Click to expand...

I love this post &#128514; I've never tried hypnobirthing but from having two children I can honestly say it wouldn't work for me, I can't keep calm without being in labour let alone while in it!!! You've made my day &#128156;


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## sarah34

princess2406 said:


> babyjan said:
> 
> 
> I'm really worried about tearing down there. Although mine wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours I was actually given episiotomy and every time I think about labour I keep imagining the scar tearing open or another episiotomy! That's all I ever think about...
> 
> 
> I know what you mean,hun, the midwife said to me they may want to do an episiotomy just in case to prevent tearing but I'm hoping neither happens!Click to expand...

I had ventouse and an episiotomy and honestly the recovery was fine. I also had a small tear and that took longer to heal than the episiotomy so don't worry if they need to do one it isn't too bad xx


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## sarah34

Sorry just seen you have had the baby! Congrats!


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## babyjan

babyjan said:


> I'm really worried about tearing down there. Although mine wasn't anywhere near as bad as yours I was actually given episiotomy and every time I think about labour I keep imagining the scar tearing open or another episiotomy! That's all I ever think about...

Now that I've given birth I thought I'd update my situation ... Ended up with another episiotomy but honestly it had to be done! My baby was in distress and his heart rate was down for 8 mins! 

tbh I found the contractions worse than the pushing stage!

Today is day 4 and sitting still hurts and it stings bad when going toilet.


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## victoria1987

With my first I pushed for nearly 3 hours and tore terribly. The midwife was down there stitching for like 45 mins. Second time around I was terrified of pushing again but it went amazingly well! Baby was out in 6 minutes and I only needed 1 stitch!


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## princess2406

Just wanted to update I had my little boy 16/4, so proud I managed to push him out myself no pain relief, about 10 mins of pushing and only had a small 2nd degree tear that needed a few stitches. Recovery is been great this time too.


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