# so nervous



## emptybc

Hello all. I am needing some moral support please. I have had three miscarriages (one at 12 weeks, two at 5 weeks). I just got a positive test after trying for the last year with no luck. I took chlomid for 6 months and they "cut me off" last month. This was my first month with not pills, and I got a positive. I had a bit of spotting last Friday and assumed it was my period, but it never came so I took a test. I am going to the doctor today for blood work and then going back again on Wednesday to make sure my levels are doubling. I am so nervous, but I am trying to think positive. Please send prayers my way and any words of wisdom. Thank you so much.


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## amytrisha

A massive congratulations! 
Im in the same situation, recent positive after 3 losses (first 8 weeks, second 12 weeks and third was 6 weeks). Its such a nerve wracking and scary time. Im here if you need any support etc, since I know exactly what your going through! 

Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months xx


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## emptybc

So glad to know I'm not alone. How far along are you? Have you done any scans?


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## red_head

I&#8217;m in the same boat too - this is my fourth pregnancy too (3 losses all before 7 weeks) and I also got pregnant my first cycle after finishing clomid! I&#8217;m absolutely terrified too - and have spent most of this pregnancy so far convinced it&#8217;s already over! I think it&#8217;s normal to feel this way. I&#8217;m trying to enjoy it but it&#8217;s hard to find the balance between being excited and not wanting to get my hopes up, just incase! 
I&#8217;m sending lots of good vibes your way - hopefully you will be monitored closely and get to see the little bean soon f you can have an early scan!


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## emptybc

It is so hard! I try not to stress, because I know that's bad, but it's hard to think about anything else. Plus the bleeding last Friday really has me worried. Isn't that crazy about the clomid? I have heard of that before. I'm not sure if it was still in our system, or our bodies didn't like it. Who knows? Have you been to the doctor yet?


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## red_head

I&#8217;ve been to the doctor for unrelated stuff and mentioned I was pregnant but didnt really talk about it. I&#8217;ve been scanned at the epu three times already! Saw a heartbeat last time at 6+6 which was an amazing moment but hasn&#8217;t calmed me down at all. I&#8217;m barely having any symptoms which is what is making me really nervous - I just don&#8217;t feel pregnant! 
Do you think yours was implantation bleeding? I&#8217;m sure mine was from the internal scan as it started the day after each time! 
It is so hard not to worry - I&#8217;ve alrewdy downloaded and then deleted pregnancy apps on my phone about three times where I&#8217;m sure it&#8217;s all over! I&#8217;m trying not to think about it but then a little excitement creeps in and I start making plans in my head or thinking about something I want to do or buy, and then I panic thinking I&#8217;m jinxing myself or setting myself up for heartbreak! 
It is so crazy about the clomid. I was so upset when it didn&#8217;t work, and we actually decided to give up and stop trying for a year! Lol! I have no idea why stopping it worked - if been reading about how after it takes a while to get cycles back to normal and was worried about that! 
Have you told anyone yet? Or do you plan to?


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## amytrisha

emptybc said:


> So glad to know I'm not alone. How far along are you? Have you done any scans?

This pregnancy has come straight after a miscarriage so I havent had a period in between but if I class the miscarriage as my LMP Ill be 5w3d (ish). I havent had any scans or seen anyone yet.
Have you seen a midwife/dr yet? Any symptoms?


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## Bee Bee

Im in the same boat. Not as many miscarriages (ive only had two in all of the 3+ years combined of TTC) but i just had one last month. I took femara this month and got pregnant again. I'm 5 weeks along and Im feeling good about it but cautious. Every time I've miscarried, I've found out 48 hrs after my BFP that I was going to miscarry. So, the fact I've made it a week is a giant step for me. I'll feel a little bit more secure after my first scan on Feb 5th


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## emptybc

BeeBee- My last two have been the same. Within a day of taking a test, I began bleeding. I am grateful for each day, because I feel a little better. I am so happy that you have made it a week. That is a huge deal when you are in our boat.

Red_Head- I know! We had also decided to quit actively trying. No more pills, no more charting, etc. I have also read that many people get pregnant the month after stopping clomid. Who knows? 

I went to the doctor yesterday for blood work. I am supposed to get the first results today, and then go back tomorrow to see if they double. I am a nervous wreck. LOL! I am having some symptoms which makes me nervous, because I have had some before and then ended up having really low levels of HCG, so maybe it was all in my head. Maybe it is all in my head now. I hate all of it. I remember my first two pregnancies. I was so excited from the first moment. I never thought anything bad would happen, so it was stress-free. Until I lost my second, and then third, and fourth. Now I am a mess. Trying to stay positive. A huge hug to all of you. I think it helps to be able to talk to others who are in the same position. Thanks for responding ladies :)


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## amytrisha

I know what you mean, some of it probaby is psychological because as soon as I get a positive I start feeling sick lol! But yes I completely agree its not as enjoyable after losses as your constantly worrying etc. 
All you can do is keep positive! Praying for us all :hugs: definitely helps to speak to people who understand, thats why I love this forum :)

Good luck for your results keep us updated x


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## red_head

It is really nice to know we&#8217;re all in this together, although obviously it&#8217;s also horrible we are all in this position. I&#8217;m not enjoying being pregnant as I&#8217;m too worried, but if everything is okay then I am having a really easy pregnancy symptoms wise(although I do think I too had some psychological ones at the beginning!) so I should be counting my lucky stars. But it just makes me think something is wrong. I was speaking to my parents (I told my mum straightaway I was pregnant, swore her to secrecy but she told my whole family - so I was upset with her anyway) that I was upset I wasn&#8217;t having morning sickness and my mum turned round and said I&#8217;m always negative and thinking the worst and then my dad followed up by saying it was probably my anxiety that caused the previous losses!! And then when I left and was really upset they are blaming me for being sensitive and hormonal! Sorry for ranting here but I&#8217;m so annoyed - I know people who haven&#8217;t been through this don&#8217;t get it, and I know my anxiety is a massive issue (and one that didn&#8217;t start until my second miscarriage as it was very traumatic), but seriously?! And now I am second guessing whether I am being over emotional but I just think that&#8217;s a nasty thing to say. 
Anyway... sorry about that! 
Empty - my first hcg came back low (50) but I was just earlier than I thought and things are progressing right on track so don&#8217;t worry if it does come back low - it really is the doubling that matters. Good luck!


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## emptybc

I am so sorry you are going through that. It is already hard enough without others adding to your stress. I had to have a heart-to-heart with my husband last night for him to be quiet and not add to my stress. LOL! Poor guy. We already have enough stress, others around us need to help with that. I know it is hard for them to understand if they have never been there. My first miscarriage was super traumatic, so I know exactly what you mean. Just try talking to them (when you aren't a hot mess) and explaining the support you need. Maybe that will help. I am sitting here biting my nails to hear the results. I know the first one doesn't really matter. The last two times, my level was never above a 7 (so really low). I am praying for something that is at least above 25. That would ease my stress a little (I think). I'll let yall know when I hear something.


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## Bee Bee

Can you pick up some FRERs? For some reason, with this pregnancy, they made me wait 3 days before I could get a second beta so I got FRERs to get me through lol. I had cheapie tests but they arent as sensitive so the lines were super faint. Atleast the FRERs are super sensitive and you can see the line get darker much easier. That's the only way I kept my sanity


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## red_head

Ill keep my fingers crossed for you :) 
Bee Bee - do be careful with the frers as I freaked myself out as I was using them for progressions and then one went really light - I fell to pieces thinking it was over but I must have just had diluted wee as I then had betas which showed everything was normal! It was so scary! So even if you do get one a bit lighter, dont worry straight away!


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## emptybc

Bee Bee said:


> Can you pick up some FRERs? For some reason, with this pregnancy, they made me wait 3 days before I could get a second beta so I got FRERs to get me through lol. I had cheapie tests but they arent as sensitive so the lines were super faint. Atleast the FRERs are super sensitive and you can see the line get darker much easier. That's the only way I kept my sanity

What is an FRER?

Nevermind- Just looked it up. I am trying to to test anymore. I have done that before and it makes me crazy. I tested a day after my first test (very faint line) and it did get significantly darker, so I am going with that ;) I have to try and stick with the positive.


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## red_head

First response pregnancy test


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## Bee Bee

Yeah, FRER is a brand essentially. First Response Early Result test. typical cheapie tests (wondfo or others you get) read 25HCG or higher while the FRERs can read as low as 6 or 7. My cheapie tests were squinters but the FRERs had a good, strong line so it just helped me feel better mentally


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## amytrisha

So many people have healthy pregnancies with no symptoms! Ive had HE and the pregnancy actually ended in blighted ovum so even the worst symptoms doesnt mean anything really, weve just got to stay hopeful but it is so hard after losses and its incredibly insensitive for your mum to call you negative and for your dad to say that also, anxiety doesnt cause miscarriages! That must of been upsetting for you to listen to :( :hugs: 

Im such a POAS addict. Ive only done 4 tests so far but Ive got 3 more in the cupboard :haha: itching to use them but I know I need to wait a few days if I want to see progression!


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## emptybc

So now I am really nervous. I got my levels back- 12.8. I am trying not to freak out. My husband made a good point- I tested before my missed period and my first blood sample is coming from the day I was supposed to get my period, so I am hoping that is why it is so low. Also, I did break down and take another pregnancy test and it was way darker than the first one. I want to stay positive, but my past experiences don't help at all. I read an article the other day about how women who have miscarriages are robbed of the "innocence of pregnancy". Having had a child before, I think that is so true. I had no fear with my son 6 years ago. Now, every little twinge makes me worry.


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## red_head

it&#8217;s the doubling that matters so don&#8217;t give up hope yet - assuming you have a 28 day cycle you would have been tested on about 14dpo? So assuming you implanted at about 10dpo that could be about right - at 12dpo you would have been 6, and before that at 10dpo about 3 - so it really could be fine. I am hating this whole process and I got the lower end of average hcg levels at first which is really scary, but if your tests are getting darker that&#8217;s such a good sign (even though I really recommend stepping away from the sticks as mine went faint for no reason which was terrifying). Fingers crossed for you!


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## emptybc

When I had my first blood drawn, I was probably at 12 or 13 DPO. So that makes me feel better. Thanks Red_Head.


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## red_head

When do you get your next result?


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## emptybc

Oh my gosh! I am so happy. Just got my results back and they were great. Also, the nurse told me that the 12.8 was my progesterone, not my hCg. My hCg was a 44 on Monday and a 137 on Wednesday. I am so happy! now I just have to make it to the next milestone. I go back at 7 weeks for an ultrasound. Praying all is well. hopefully I can stay somewhat calm over the next three weeks.


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## red_head

Those are fab numbers congratulations!! That&#8217;s more than doubled!! You&#8217;ve got a strong little bean growing! You should see a heartbeat at 7 weeks so that will be lovely! 
Have you asked to be prescribed progesterone supplements? I&#8217;m not sure so please don&#8217;t worry but I know someone else who had a similar number and they were given suppositories - they may have something else going on that they didn&#8217;t mention or something in their history I don&#8217;t know about but I would feel bad if I didn&#8217;t mention it and something happened, as I know it&#8217;s easily resolved if it is low (not that I&#8217;m sure yours is so please don&#8217;t panic as it&#8217;s early and my friend was further along than you! Plus I think they would have said to you at the hospital if it was low). It just might be worth asking about (if you haven&#8217;t already) - better safe than sorry and if they say it&#8217;s fine then that&#8217;s great! I&#8217;m so sorry to say this as I don&#8217;t want to ruin your happy and there really is no need to worry but I know if it was me I&#8217;d want me to mention it as it is so easily sorted!


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## emptybc

No worries red_head. Yes they gave me progesterone but in pill form. We were discussing my prescription when I asked about my levels. That's why they told me my progesterone levels and not my hCg. Hopefully it won't be an issue. I had low levels with my first miscarriage, but they think that was a "chromosomal issue", whatever that means. I am praying this strong bean sticks!


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## red_head

Ah phew!! That&#8217;s really good news :) I&#8217;m sure it will be a sticky bean! I have a good feeling :) just try and relax and enjoy it now (that is so ridiculous me saying that when I haven&#8217;t stopped worrying this whole time!)


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## emptybc

I know! It is easier said than done. For now, though, I am on cloud nine and I am so happy. After freaking out over a 12.8 and then hearing it has tripled from a 44, I am feeling very positive. My last two pregnancies never got past a level 7. You can be calm too red_head. We are all here for each other. Thanks for all your support.


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## red_head

Thank you :)


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## Bee Bee

emptybc said:


> Oh my gosh! I am so happy. Just got my results back and they were great. Also, the nurse told me that the 12.8 was my progesterone, not my hCg. My hCg was a 44 on Monday and a 137 on Wednesday. I am so happy! now I just have to make it to the next milestone. I go back at 7 weeks for an ultrasound. Praying all is well. hopefully I can stay somewhat calm over the next three weeks.

This is great news! I'm doing the same, taking progesterone every day and I'm also set for a scan at 7 weeks which is next week for me. I just want to see the bean in a scan and I'll feel a little more secure. I'm feeling decent about this pregnancy as I've already gotten this far but with my son, I was monitored really closely so I'm not used to the docs being like "yep, youre pregnant, see you in 3 weeks!)


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## emptybc

I am so glad you are both doing well. BeeBee- I have my first ultrasound on Feb15. I am so nervous. Some days I do really well, and others I am waiting for "the other shoe to drop". I am trying to be positive, and I have no negative signs, but I just can't help but think that something bad will happen. It's hard to believe I am really pregnant and that everything will be ok.


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