# I feel like I'm incompetent, not just my cervix :(



## kelkel8

I'm not really sure where I belong on here, but I'm lost, scared and confused.

I've had one post on this site at the end of July. I was bleeding and mild cramping around 5 weeks pregnant. I found out later that it was only a threatened miscarriage, and that the baby was fine.

I should be 19 weeks tomorrow. Despite what I've heard on other scans, I've just felt like something isn't right with this pregnancy. It's my first, but I have just had a "feeling" for awhile. Some were little things like I'm not getting a bump. I know every woman is different and shows at different times, but I'm only 5'0 tall and very very slim so it didn't make sense to me that I wasn't getting at least a little bit of something. I've also had no symptoms, which again, I know every woman is different.

Fast forward to two days ago. I woke up at 4 am with pains in my stomach that felt like menstrual cramps. They weren't unbearable, just uncomfortable. I tried to just go back to sleep and credit the pains to my muscles finally stretching for the baby. Then the pains changed from menstrual type cramps to feeling like I needed to go to #2 really bad (sorry for the TMI). I got up and went to the restroom but nothing would happen. When I wiped there was a fair amount of mucous type discharge with only a slight pinkish/brownish tint . After awhile those pains went away as well, and turned into more of just pressure feeling around my lower stomach and pelvic area. I phoned the dr and got in that afternoon.

We found out that while the LO still has a heartbeat, there's been no growth since our last scan (around 15 1/2 weeks). I was not given a reason for this, and now I can't believe myself that I didn't even think to ask. On top of that, I found out I have a very short cervix, and that it is dilated already to 1 1/2 cm. The doc said that is what caused the pressure type feeling. He did not want to put in a stitch b/c he said the risk of infection is too great, and there's simply not enough "left" to stitch. So now I'm on bedrest waiting to see what happens. But he let us know that it doesn't look good. I go back in 2 days to see if anything has changed.

I just feel like somehow this is my fault, that I did something wrong. He mentioned an incompetent cervix. Who named that!? It made me feel even worse. Like I'M incompetent.

I know this sounds horrible....but I just know LO isn't going to make it much longer. I just have this gut feeling. The weird thing is I still don't "feel" pregnant. DH won't even talk about it. He just acts like nothing out of the usual is happening. I know he's probably just trying to stay strong for me, but...I just don't know. I'm so hurt and so numb at the same time.

So sorry for the long rant. I just had to get it out somewhere. :cry:


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## Andypanda6570

Please don't loose faith, it is not over and you need to stay positive and please please don't ever feel that it it your fault, it isn't..:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I am hoping someone can be of more help, i don't know anything about the cervix. I lost my Ava at 18 and half weeks I gave birth to her. They don't know why I lost her and her tissue never grew so i will really never know. I want you to try to stay strong and I hope someone can come onto this thread and be of some help. I am thinking of you and praying for you and your little one..
OXOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## MummyStobe

Stay positive sweetie. I know feeling like you have no control over what is happening is horrible but you have to stay strong.
We're all here for you if you need anyone to talk to.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your little one. Thinking of you, take care xx


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## kiki04

Honey even if you can stay on MAXIMUM bedrest for just a few more weeks... viability begins at 24 weeks so if you can make it til then, your baby has a fighting chance hun!!! Pls dont give up faith because miracles happen every.single.day!!!! :hugs: :hugs: Please stay strong mama :hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hi Sweetie! :flower:

Yea, IC ... What a crappy thing... And your right, whoever made up that name is pretty crappy as well ... I too have been diagnosised with Incompetent Cervix... I lost my daughter, Emma (almost) 7 months ago. I was 19wks 4d along..

During my pregnancy I went to a specialist to treat/manage my IC... I feel they wasn't too aggresive tho... He never would take me off work and put me on bedrest ... even tho I KNEW I needed to be off my feet, I felt I couldn't just quit my stupid job, which in the long run I ended up doing anyways... Wish I would have then ... The only thing my doctor done for me was gave me 17p injections weekly... THey mentioned a cerclage towards the end but by the time they made that descision, it was too late...

My only advice.... Stay active, aggresive in your health care ... Stay on top of them... Don't let them put you off.... In another words, be a pain in their butts... You call them everytime you have a cramp....They need to know how serious, that it isn't going away ... 

But, please try to remain positive ... You and your lil one are fighters ... Keep hanging on babe ... :flower:


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## kelkel8

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I'm trying so hard to be positive, but it's hard to ignore that feeling ya know? I did call the nurse back earlier b/c I was upset with myself for not thinking to ask certain questions. She basically said that they don't actually diagnose an Incompetent Cervix until 3 failed pregnancies. She said what he was implying was that my cervix is weak, soft, and open....when it should still be firm and hard. 

I go back on Friday, so I think I will start a list of questions I have and write them down to take with me, since I just kind of freeze when I get there. 

Thanks again, you ladies are so strong and wonderful. I will keep you posted.


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## KamIAm

Really? No diagnosis unless you have had 3 failed pregnancies? OK ... I'll take that! lol

You keep that chin up and definately write down your questions, that is an awesome idea.. I know when I went, I was a air head and would always forget until I got home ...

Keep your booty in bed... ; ) and holler at us anytime, we will always be here for ya!! Xoxo


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## Nikki_d72

Hi, I'm so sorry you are going through this, please try to stay positive through. The 3 failed pregnancy thing is cruel and unneccesary and evidently thinnking is changing on this (according to my OB), hassle them. 

There are two different cerclages that can be placed with little or no cervix to work with - the abdominal stitch (which is permanent I think and requires a c/section delivery) and the hefner which is removed closer to term. Not all doctors are competent or experienced in these stitches, or indeed placing cerclages at all and there is a risk of infection and pPROM but it needs to be considered, not just thrown out. He may be refusing just because he has no expertise in this. I would say ask again and if you get the same reply, ask why and if you don't get reasonable answers try to find a different doctor. 

How did they determine there has been no growth, did they scan or just palpate? I would ask for another scan anyway, as they can be a bit out, but it's been a month, right? - the reason I'm saying that is that if the baby is not growing that may be the reason they are not so willing to take drastic measures like abdominal cerclage, so you need to be sure. Is the liquor still there around the baby? I'm asking that as they can't do a cerclage if the waters are broken and bleeds earlier in pregnancy can sometimes cause the waters to break. Did he chack for this? Sorry for all the questions and sorry if it's scaring you more but I just want to help you get the right answers from your doctor. 

Stay in bed and have a read of this:https://www.emaxhealth.com/40/210.html sone of it will make for hard reading and I'm sorry for that but there is some great info in there for you to hit your doctor up with. Write down your list of questions before you go in, we all get flustered and lose track otherwise, you're not alone there!

And this : https://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/Pregnancy/Incompetent-Cervix/

It states here that you can get a cerclage unless you have dilated to 4cm or your waters have broken.

I would ask to be seen before then as the cervix can change very quickly. I'm also quite appalled that you have been sent home and not kept in hospital. Watch out for those feelings of needing to go for number 2's as this is how I experienced labour at 20wks gestation - no proper tightenings across my tummy, just literally "a pain in my butt" that eventually became rhythmical. call for help if this happens, hon. 

Stay in bed, with your bum elevated if possible, drink lots of water and empty your bladder frequently. wipe from front to back and stop anyone from going in there, including doctors. if they need to examine, ask for a sterile speculum, or if they need to do transvaginal U/S, fair enough bbut you want to stop anything being tracked upwards that could cause infection, especially if your waters have broken. The mucousy stuff tinged with blood will have been your plug or show and indicates active dilation but it also means the "seal" to your uterus is breached, potentially allowing infection in more easily.

I wish you all the best, try to stay positive hon, I know how scary this is and I really, really hope for a good outcome for you. There is a thread on the Gestational Complications board, in pregnancy here on B&B called IC/Cerclage/threatened labour or something like that that has quite a few ladies that have gone though this on there. There is another thread about staying positive on bedrest there too - I've not read that one but it may be worth a look.

Everything crossed for you and I hope to hear of a good outcome from you. xxx


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## Hellylou

Hang in there, hun. Keeping everything crossed for you and your little baby :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

I'm so sorry to hear about what's happening to you. I don't really have much to add...I think Nikki and the others have said it all, they've given you some good advice.

I just wanted to say I'm really sorry, I remember the feeling of knowing something bad was happening and not being able to protect my babies, it was just a few days for me between the first sign of something wrong, and the twins being born, and it was an awful time.

Hugs to you and OH, and please keep us updated, we will be worried about you. I do hope you get some good news, but, if the worst happens, we will be here for you xxx


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## yazoo

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I don't have too much to add. I think the girls have covered it all but please know that this is absolutely not your fault. Your in my thoughts. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hi Hon'...Just checkin' on ya today.... Hope all is well :flower:


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## Nikki_d72

Hi there, Hoping you are stil holding on there. Much love xxx


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## DueSeptember

*Awww I think you may have Back Labor...I had that when my Water Broke early at 23 weeks right before I had my Baby at 24 weeks it felt like I had to do #2 all the time I also had slime discharge it was gross (TMI) I told the nurse and couple hours later I was in Labor....

Make sure to ask all the questions you can...Good Luck *


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## kiki04

Any updates on this?


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## Andypanda6570

Hope to hear from you soon..XOOXOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kelkel8

Thank you ladies for all of your support and concern for my family and I. Sadly, we lost our LO 2 days ago, on Halloween morning.

I woke up having contractions at 11 pm Sunday night. I was already dilated to 6cm at that point. We were told that there was nothing they could do to stop it, and at 20 +3 weeks there was no hope. I gave birth to tiny baby Ashton at 3 am. :cry: I could still feel him kicking me before the contractions got really bad....like he was asking for mommies help. But I couldn't do anything.

Last night I woke up literally thinking this was all a horrible horrible Halloween nightmare and that it wasn't really. I even reached down and put my hand on my stomach to feel him kick. And then I realized it wasn't a dream. 

This is the hardest thing I've ever been through, and I admire all of you ladies for your strength. I hope in time that I can gain a little back.

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## Nikki_d72

Oh Kelkel, I'm so sorry. This has made me cry, I remember so well feeling the kicks as I was labouring, it's so awful. I also remember all too well, the waking up and "forgetting" and going to touch the belly but it being all wobbly and having the horrid sudden realisation all over again of what happened. That happened for a while but it does stop. I was just at the 20wk mark too, it's so unfair thet they won't or can't stop it, I'm so sorry. Just to warn you, as nobody did me, that my milk came in so yours might as you've given birth. If you want any advice on this feel free to ask me. 

I'm so so sorry for your loss of little Ashton, I hope we can help you in some small way though I know nothing can really take away the pain. I hate that you are going through this. That's a lovely name, thanks for sharing it with us. xxx


xxx


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry for your loss babe :hugs: :cry:


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## mhazzab

I'm so so sorry you ended up delivering your son. thank you for updating us, I was thinking of you yesterday too, and was hoping you would come back.

What a beautiful name for your son, I love it.

The stomach thing bothered me for a long time, I kept waking up to find my hand there and realised it was empty. As Nikki says, it does stop after a while.

I'm sad you are having to go through this, but please let us know if there's anything we can do for you - we are always here to help in any way we can, the only thing we can do is be there for each other and hope it helps even just a little xxxx


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## MummyStobe

I'm so so sorry for your loss, reading your story brought tears to my eyes.

I too remember feeling those last kicks when I was in labour with Max, I remember putting my hand over my bump and saying "I know baby, mummy wants the pain to stop too". Breaks my heart thinking about it again.

I hope we are all able to offer you support and comfort during this difficult time. 

Fly high little Ashton. :angel:

Thinking about you and your family. Take care :hugs: xx


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## Hellylou

I am so very sorry :cry:

Like others, this has brought tears to my eyes. I remember those kicks during delivery too, and all I could do was hold my bump and say I was sorry. It is the worst thing you can go through, and it hurts so very much. I think the 2nd hardest part was when I woke and realised it had really happened, and wasn't just a terrible dream.

It is very early days for you and these early days and weeks will be hard, but it will get easier with time. You will find strength within yourself that you never knew you had. 

We are all here for you whenever you need to talk. Fly high little Ashton. :hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hi KelKel .... 

Just read what happened...... :cry: I am terribly sorry.... Your lil one knows you did everything possible for him, what an amazing mother he has.. :hugs: 

Yes, I'm glad Nikki mentioned the milk thing... No one told me either and it was TERRIBLE when mine came in, I was clueless and knocked me for a loop... 

I promise it will get better, I know right now everything is just a blur but time does help heal ... 

We'll always be here for you Sweetie.... Sending loves and hugs to you and your Lil Ashton :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Thinking of you and your family today, Kelkel xxx :hug:


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## katie21188

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little boy, such a beautiful name :hugs: no one told me that my milk would come in also, was the worst reminder of what I had lost :cry:
thinking of you and your family :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## winterwonder

I'm so sorry for your loss. xx


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## blav

My milk came in too...I didn't realize that would happen at only 22 and a half weeks. I tried to pump to donate, but with everything going on my body just didn't really produce much. I remember telling my boyfriend that I wish I could have pumped more because it made me feel like my body could do something right. He just held me and said, "No, your body is perfect."


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