# Timing of first birth, education level and socio-economic status



## amy_2

Hi everyone, aside from the fact I'm WTT I'm also at uni. I'm doing an assignment about young women and their attitudes and behaviours toward education, pregnancy and career.

I have found in my research that timing of first birth is significantly correlated with low socio-economic status and low education levels. 

I.e. education has a strong delaying effect of fertility, the more educated you are, the longer you tend to wait. And young people from low socio-economic backgrounds tend to have kids earlier. 

Highly educated women with a university degree tend to have less kids overall than women without post school qualifications. However, this difference was found to be due to circumstantial pressure, not choice. As both groups of women, those with and without a degree reported they wanted the same number of kids.

Is this true for you or the people that you know? I know that it's true in terms of the people that I know. I have noticed a huge difference amongst different groups of people that I know. My friends at uni tend to expect not to have a baby untill their 30's, whereas the people I know from some of the poorer suburbs of the city tend to be already pregnant by their early/mid 20's. I think that because I have friends from both very poor areas and very rich areas is why I notice quite a big difference in attitudes.

I am by no means a snob btw. It is just an observation. If you comment please keep it respectful to all people's choices. Cheers


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## wtt :)

In my observation, being rich doesn't automatically mean that one is well educated. We live in the South and there are a lot of very young women who are having children just because they can afford it due to their parents/families being rich. Sometimes, these women didn't even go to college and very rarely but I've seen it happen, they didn't even finish High School.


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## Princess_LV

Likewise, being poor does not mean you are uneducated either. I hail from one of the so called "sink towns", google it, it's called Thetford and was originally a London overspill town. When I went to High School there, the school I was at was branded one of the worst in the country. However, I went on to college, and then Uni, and now I am doing a post-grad course. We barely had 2 pennies to rub together (and I still don't just yet lol) but I would hardly call myself "uneducated." 

I want to try for a baby later on in the year, which would make me 24 when we have our first. I guess in the grand scheme of things, this is quite young (although not outrageously so!) Being educated is not the reason I have waited longer than other people I know, to me having a family now means a hell of a lot more to me than my degree ever did, but it's the COST of education that has made me wait. I suppose then that you could say that another me, who happened to be 'rich' would probably have children by now.

In support of what you say though, in being very broody at the moment I do feel rather the odd one out as compared to the other girls on my course. They are all very much of the "oooh I don't want babies for another 10 years" school, and were visibly gob-smacked when I said I wanted to start trying for my first within the year. They are also VERY condescending of young mums, assuming that none of them can take care of their children, and as they think I am young to be a mum, they no doubt think this of me too. I was raised by a young mum though (my mum had me at 17) so I know first hand that this is not necessarily the case. I wouldn't say that my mum was uneducated either though, on the poorer side yes, but she completed her studies despite having me and is now a book keeper for a large building firm. I think there are more individual differences at play than just socio-economic status and education.


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## mandaa1220

I live in the US... I'm in college (university for you guys) and am WTT until I have finished my degree and started my career enough to have maternity pay. I am extremely broody, but know that I HAVE to wait.


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## beccad

Well my experience is that all my friends and peers have been to university, or have equivalent experience adn training in a particular field. We're all 30 or older now, and the first few people are just starting to have babies, but that's it really. My group of friends tend to do university, career, buying property, getting married (which is what is happening now) and presumably babies will come along after that, if at all. Many of my peers don't want children at all.


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## Celesse

I'd say it's generally correct. If you walk round the affluent areas of Newcastle the 35yr olds pushing prams are the mums, in other areas the 35yrs olds pushing the prams are the nana's. 

I don't think its just about money, or how much money your parents have, or education, but about aspirations and peer group.


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## November1984

When I had mine @ 23 I didn't really consider it too young. I also wanted 2 kids (only) and since I did not want to be in baby stage with a kid in middle school I am pregnant @ 25 with our final.
This is my position, things are a little harder now but I like to get the 'hard stuff' out of the way first with most aspects. 
I figure when I am 30+ my kids will still be young and our financial and emotional maturity levels will be @ a point where we will be able to enjoy our lives better. 
I am pretty emotionally stable but do suffer from anxiety. Studies done show that being around my age is when many people have the highest stress levels - I don't doubt it. I figure I'd rather be dealing with an unreasonable toddler and baby at this time rather than when things are _supposed_ to be more mellow. 
Pile the stress on me now, I'm strong and won't break! :winkwink:


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## BButterflies

I am almost 20 going into my final year of university in Oct. and have always achieved very highly academically.

I am however, VERY broody now. But I won't let anyone tell me that having children young will ruin my aspirations. Having children FULL STOP will make career progression harder for women in general so I am not going to wait for something which is inevitable at any stage.

For most people at my uni, children are the last thing on their minds. I think the majority have the when I'm 30 attitude.

I would like to start TTC in the next 2-3 years but would right now if OH agreed and we had a bit more money!


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## pumpkim

beccad said:


> Well my experience is that all my friends and peers have been to university, or have equivalent experience adn training in a particular field. We're all 30 or older now, and the first few people are just starting to have babies, but that's it really. My group of friends tend to do university, career, buying property, getting married (which is what is happening now) and presumably babies will come along after that, if at all. Many of my peers don't want children at all.

This pretty much describes me and my friends too, in fact I was one of the one's that didn.t want children :haha:



> I'd say it's generally correct. If you walk round the affluent areas of Newcastle the 35yr olds pushing prams are the mums, in other areas the 35yrs olds pushing the prams are the nana's.
> 
> I don't think its just about money, or how much money your parents have, or education, but about aspirations and peer group.

I have to agree with that, of the 3 towns / cities I've lived in in the UK this has been broadly true....... there are always exceptions of course.


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## rosie5637

this is very interesting. maybe it also has something to do with how people value money, possessions, status etc.

i was bought up on a council estate and we didn't have much money. my mum was excellent at budgeting so we didn't go without as such but really appreciated things iyswim. 

i was a straight A student at school but all i ever wanted was a family of my own and to be happy. to me this didn't mean getting a high flying and stressful job (which i was quite capable of). 

i have never wanted to move from my home town or been particularly bothered about owning my own house. i like being settled in one place and being part of the community, i didn't think i would have been able to live in this way if i had a high powered job.

i had my son at 23yrs old and if i could have planned everything out i would have finished my family before reaching 30. i wanted to be young enough to run around after my kids and do all the things with them that my mum did with me and my brothers. my mum had 3 children by the time she was 26. it was only when we were at senior school that she went back to work full time and now has a successful career.

some people would say i am not ambitious but i would say i'm up there with the best of them because i am trying to achieve something that can be very difficult and that is happiness. i haven't done too bad a job so far!


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## BButterflies

rosie5637 said:


> this is very interesting. maybe it also has something to do with how people value money, possessions, status etc.
> 
> i was bought up on a council estate and we didn't have much money. my mum was excellent at budgeting so we didn't go without as such but really appreciated things iyswim.
> 
> i was a straight A student at school but all i ever wanted was a family of my own and to be happy. to me this didn't mean getting a high flying and stressful job (which i was quite capable of).
> 
> i have never wanted to move from my home town or been particularly bothered about owning my own house. i like being settled in one place and being part of the community, i didn't think i would have been able to live in this way if i had a high powered job.
> 
> i had my son at 23yrs old and if i could have planned everything out i would have finished my family before reaching 30. i wanted to be young enough to run around after my kids and do all the things with them that my mum did with me and my brothers. my mum had 3 children by the time she was 26. it was only when we were at senior school that she went back to work full time and now has a successful career.
> 
> some people would say i am not ambitious but i would say i'm up there with the best of them because i am trying to achieve something that can be very difficult and that is happiness. i haven't done too bad a job so far!

I think you completely hit the nail on the head!!

I grew up in a council estate and had the best childhood. My mum was the same with regards to budgeting and appreciation of things. 

As a result all I strive to achieve is happiness and a family of my own. So much love comes from a happy family :cloud9: I also want to finish having my children by the time I am 30.

I was a straight A student; 7A*s 2A's at GSCE 3A's at A level, and at a top university, I have maintained the principle that happiness has nothing to do with a high flying career and I don't think I would be able to have the family that I wish and a high flying job. 

I have moved away from my hometown though, because it has an awful lot of layabouts :haha:


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## babyblog

I'd mainly agree with your observations. I have had my baby at 27 which i think is mid range-i have always been broody but valued my education, went to uni , started work, bought a house and got married before TTC. My friends are all the same as me-none of thme have had a baby yet, tho some are now pregnant. I think when you go to uni, you pay all that money so you'll want to stay there, graduate and have at least one job before having a break for babiestherefore you'll be alittle older.


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## RoyalPython

Hm..this is interesting..

Though for my family it turned out different...

My mums background - quite poor, 1 bedroom flat with a 4 person family, dad with drinking problems that she loved, personal problems etc etc always wanted kids, got a VERY good education but quit uni when she gave birth to me, which was at 19.

Now my background, well off family with no money troubles, VERY good education, i DONT want a career first, i DONT want to buy my own house and have no debts, I DONT want to go to uni, why? because I have been brought up to value family, not money or education. Ofcourse I dont want to end up in lots of debt, poor or w.e but I have been brought up in the environment that having kids is young. Both me and my mum and her mom etc etc thought like this, and we both had VERY different childhoods....

I think its more dependant on social/family value more then education or wealth.


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## amy_2

RoyalPython said:


> I think its more dependant on social/family value more then education or wealth.

I agree with that too. My mum waited till 30 to have her first baby. She was much more concerned with building her career and buying a nice home first. But she has told me she wished she waited 2-3 years _longer_ before having a baby.

And both my parents came from working class backgrounds.

They worked hard to "buy" hapiness for me, and spent a lot of money on private school education for me. I felt compelled to do well at school and go to university, though I don't really think university is right for me. 

My mum is strongly against me having a baby any time soon, and thinks I should wait as long as I can. She would pressure me to get an abortion if I got pregnant now.

On the other hand, I don't beleive money buys hapiness. I feel broody now and I'm only 22. I definitely don't think I'll leave it till 30 to have my first baby. I will probably be 23 or 24 when I start TTC. So I think it's an individual thing. 

But I do think that education _delays_ starting a family. If I had not been to university I would probably have a baby sooner. Family and social group have been a big pressure for me in delaying having a baby. Although pretty soon I will do what I want to do, because that's who I am. When I have kids I don't see myself sending them to private schools or expecting them to go to university or attempting to "buy" them hapiness. Because I know it doesn't work like that.


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## mummy3

I think you're generally right, but there are always exceptions to the rule:flower:

I grew up pretty much upper middle class I guess:haha: I got 5 As at Alevel, top uni etc, then ended up meeting the hubby and we made the joint decision to have a large family whilst still young, his parents were nearly 50 when they had him!

So I finished my degree just before my second child then a year later hubby finished his, he got offered a very well paid job on the other side of the world, so off we go!:thumbup:

If you want something enough, you can make it work!


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## amy_2

I forgot to add that I think the school you go to makes a big difference too.

My parents sent me to a very expensive private school in a wealthy area, and none of the girls left school to go on and have a baby. And teenage pregnancy was unheard of at my school. The first girl that I know of from my school that had a baby, was 23 when she had it! And that was very young for someone going to my school.

Whereas some of the girls I know that went to govenment schools had a baby pretty much straight after school, and most of the girls just went on to TAFE, but not university. So they were able to work for longer to save money at a younger age, which I think makes a difference too. They have their career path set at a younger age.


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## 4magpies

I dont agree on the school thing...

I had the choice when I went to high school... I chose government.

I know girls who went to government school who had babies young, I know girls who went to private schools who had babies young.

Like said about its more to do with how you were brought up and your family values!

xxx


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## Caroline:-)

pumpkim said:


> beccad said:
> 
> 
> Well my experience is that all my friends and peers have been to university, or have equivalent experience adn training in a particular field. We're all 30 or older now, and the first few people are just starting to have babies, but that's it really. My group of friends tend to do university, career, buying property, getting married (which is what is happening now) and presumably babies will come along after that, if at all. Many of my peers don't want children at all.
> 
> This pretty much describes me and my friends too, in fact I was one of the one's that didn.t want children :haha:
> 
> 
> 
> I'd say it's generally correct. If you walk round the affluent areas of Newcastle the 35yr olds pushing prams are the mums, in other areas the 35yrs olds pushing the prams are the nana's.
> 
> I don't think its just about money, or how much money your parents have, or education, but about aspirations and peer group.Click to expand...
> 
> I have to agree with that, of the 3 towns / cities I've lived in in the UK this has been broadly true....... there are always exceptions of course.Click to expand...

I have to agree with the points made by beccad, pumpkim and Celesse - the majority of my friends/people I know from uni, school, etc are only just now getting to the kids stage (at 30/31). It was important to me to finish my studies, get a stable job, get married, buy a house, etc first - this isn't to say I wouldn't have LOVED to have kids years back, but the sensible me wanted to get things in order first!!!!
And again, I have to agree with the above - it does tend to be the case that in better off areas the mothers are older than in less affluent areas... but of course, this IS a generalisation...


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## Smile181c

I don't think status has anything to do with any of it personally...I completed highschool and got 10 GCSE's all at a good grade and I _chose_ not to go on and complete sixth form or go to uni simply because I didn't want to. And that's not because I was a layabout or didn't understand any of it...I've just never seen myself in a big career. I'm a firm believer in that you shouldn't go to uni etc if you don't know what you want to be. What's the point in getting yourselves into unnessecary debt if you're gonna waste your degree once you've worked hard for it?

I work full time now for a company where at least half of the staff (if not more) have degrees that aren't relevant to the job we're doing and some of them have been this way for decades.

So what if I'm only 19 and the only thing I'm aspiring to have is a family? I don't think that anyone should be judged for it because age is just a number when you have a sensible head on your shoulders. I'm in a long term relationship, am in the process of buying our new place and I work full time so I see nothing wrong with wanting a baby right now..

I'm sorry if I've missed the whole point of the OP but I got a little bit carried away there  xxx


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## ladyjayne

I might be in the minority here, but i was well brought up, nice house very close family education was a big thing. I am well educated and went on to uni, but i fell in love and got married at 19. I didnt finish my degree but i have a family. My husband has a good job and we have a lovely home. 
I dont know if i;ve taken this in the wrong way but it seem s a bit like your saying that older parents are more educated and able to finacially provide for there children (in many cases this is true) but being a young parent doesnt mean that you dont have ambitions, a career and be equally as able as someone far older to provide for your children. 
hmmm i think mummy3 put it better then me though lol.


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## plutosblue

I can see your point but for me personally I don't really comply with the rule :haha:

I have 10 1/2 GSCE's all graded A-C and 6 different A levels. I had the choice to go to university and the government would have paid due to my mother being in the band bracket earning below a certain amount of income. I had every opportunity to go and was brought up to go to university, get a career, but I personally chose not to go.

:shrug: I am afraid I am not really motivated by anything, I have many interests but nothing that stands out for me and I thought well, what is the point in me going to uni and spending all that time, I would rather go to work and perhaps climb the ladder, try different things. I had no real aspirations for marriage or children either, although I know I wanted them I knew I had many years to think about it, I met my OH while doing my last year of A levels, although he had no leverage on my decision as I had never had any desire to go to university. We are now planning our first child aged 22. 

I think some of it can be social background, but there are always exceptions to the rule, for me it was all about choice, I have never aspired to be some high flying career woman, or a mother sat at home with my children, but I am broody, I want a baby, financially we are doing well, own a home of our own, cars and stable jobs, so why not? :shrug: Even if I did aspire to be a young stay at home mum, I don't see why that is an issue.

My friends who have gone to university are all in a situation where they have come back with debts and although they enjoyed the experience, they can't get jobs in the chosen career or have found after all that time they have gone off the idea. One in particular says she wants nothing more than a family but she isn't in a situation now to have one because of her debts :shrug:

Who knows, I think the statement is right in a way since people who are more career orientated do tend to have children later, but there are always exceptions to the rule, and as someone said about it IS just a generalization.


... and after all that I really don't know what I just said - sorry if I rolled off on a tangent!


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## Lil-woowoo

Hmmm i think its how you make your life isnt it.... My family where pretty poor and non of them where educated beyond high school though they had the ability just not the drive to do so. I wanted so much more from life, Nice house, career and ofcourse kids.
I left school as soon as i could and then went onto achieve a diploma in and accounts then just before my 19th birthday fell pregnant just after receiving my offer for law school. I am now 24 have a beautiful 5 year old and recently completed my Bsc in Nursing and now have a profession behind me, bought a brand new house in a lovely area, drive a sports car and go on expensive holidays and pretty much have a great lifestyle. I plan on having my second baby soon then going onto complete a masters in the next 2 years. I wanted the career and family young and i am soo happy with my achievements. Life is what you make it, doesnt matter how your brought up you control your life and are capable of changing and proving everyone wrong. I did :flower:x


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## kanga

I agree with both (low socio & low education), in my personal experience this is generally how it goes.

Low socio tends to lead to low education so perhaps you only need low education really?

I was brought up in low-socio but was one of the few who went to uni. Consequently I'm having kids in my early 30's. However, majority of ppl I grew up with who didnt go to uni pretty much all had kids in their early 20's. 

Of the group of us who went to uni, people started having kids in their late 20's, generally once they had found a plateau in their careers. And actually, those who are teachers started having kids earlier than say the lawyers and accountants. This could be because the latter jobs take longer to get to the plateau/fully qualified.

I grew up in South Yorkshire and also agree with the Newcastle 30's comment above.

From what I saw, the girls who under achieved at school due to messing about/parents not being strict about behavior etc tended to have babies earlier as it gave them a sense of achievement. It was something they could actually do and achieve.

Interesting stuff.


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## Racheldigger

Maybe you also need to consider what kind of job the prospective parents have (if they have jobs at all), as this was certainly the main reason why my LO was born three months before my 42nd birthday. DH and I are both archaeologists, and this is such a volatile profession, in which people with many years' experience and high professional reputations are still hired by the week and laid off by the day, that we couldn't take the risk of introducing a baby to the situation until we were both sure that we'd hung up our hard hats on very solid nails indeed.


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## Noodles

I was raised on a council estate by my Mum, Nan and Grandad but I have 9 GCSE's, 5 A Levels, a BA hons and a post grad professional qualification. I don't use any of my qualifcations and I have sod all money. I got married at 25 and had my son at 27 and we are going to start TTCing for number next month.

I think that the partner age has more to do with it as my friend has got a 1st class hons degree and aa fab job, but has had a baby sooner than prehaps she might have done as her husband is in his mid 30's and didn't want to be an old dad.


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## kezc4rc

I really like this discussion as I am having this problem myself.

I am a teacher, 23 years old- 24 in August. I got married 10 days after my 20th birthday so will have been married 4 years in aug. Been with my hubby though for 6 and half years. Last year we bought a new build 4 bedroom house.
We plan to TTC in dec so by the time the baby comes i will have turned 25 and been married 5 years.

I grew up in a very poor council estate and most of the people I went to school with have kids some of which are about 6years old. My best friend just had a baby and keeps aksing me why I have waited so long when I am so desperate for a baby.
When I talk about babies to my 'teacher friends' they think i am mad, they are late 20's and are just at the getting married stage and have no plans for babies at all yet so will be in their 30's by time they get pregnant. They think i am too young and too skint to have a baby and too early in my career (been teaching 2 years now) Im stuck in the middle with friends on one side saying having their children is the best thing they did and friends on other side saying it'll be too much of a struggle to have a baby. 
My work collegues like to go on holidays, partying and living life to the full but I am all about family and prefer to go for walks with my hubby and dog and stay in so my life won't change as much as theirs would. Plus im different to them in the sense that i got married a lot younger than them.

I have waited as I wanted to get through uni and work for a while plus because my wage is much higher than my hubbys so we will struggle when i go on maternity and when we need to pay for childcare, we already struggle now so I know it will be hard but a lot of people manage and always find a way of coping. I just know I can't wait any longer now, i have everything i aimed for in life and just one thing missing which is a baby. What's the point of working hard all those years at uni, getting a good job and a house if i can't enjoy it by having what i want most in life which is a baby. Plus like my best friend keeps telling me "there will never be a right time, something will always come up to get in the way" so why wait until i'm in my 30's????


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## sleepinbeauty

We'll be 25 when we TTC. I'll hopefully be 26. We had a date change. I'm so upset! Better than NO date though...


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## amy_2

plutosblue said:


> :shrug: I am afraid I am not really motivated by anything, I have many interests but nothing that stands out for me and I thought well, what is the point in me going to uni and spending all that time, I would rather go to work and perhaps climb the ladder, try different things. I had no real aspirations for marriage or children either, although I know I wanted them I knew I had many years to think about it, I met my OH while doing my last year of A levels, although he had no leverage on my decision as I had never had any desire to go to university. We are now planning our first child aged 22.
> 
> I think some of it can be social background, but there are always exceptions to the rule, for me it was all about choice, I have never aspired to be some high flying career woman, or a mother sat at home with my children, but I am broody, I want a baby, financially we are doing well, own a home of our own, cars and stable jobs, so why not? :shrug: Even if I did aspire to be a young stay at home mum, I don't see why that is an issue.
> 
> My friends who have gone to university are all in a situation where they have come back with debts and although they enjoyed the experience, they can't get jobs in the chosen career or have found after all that time they have gone off the idea. One in particular says she wants nothing more than a family but she isn't in a situation now to have one because of her debts :shrug:

I totally agree with all of the above. I went to university not really knowing what I want to do, and I still don't know! It may well just be a waste of money in the end. I have doubts that my increased earning power with a degree will outweight the debts. Particularly since I'm not highly motivated career-wise.

I thought I was doing the responsible thing by going to university, but now I do feel sad, like your friend, because I also want to start a family, but have debts :-( 

I actually felt kind of pushed into university by my mum, who places a lot of value on having material possessions, nice house, car, etc and a prestigeous career. She was just encouraging me to do what she thought was best, not neccessarily what was right for me. My mum also had no real desire for kids untill she was in her 30's, so we are different in that way too. I think it's really important to be your own person and find out what is right for you, but not to listen too much to your parents, as I have turned out to have very different values to my mum.


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## amy_2

kezc4rc said:


> I really like this discussion as I am having this problem myself.
> 
> I am a teacher, 23 years old- 24 in August. I got married 10 days after my 20th birthday so will have been married 4 years in aug. Been with my hubby though for 6 and half years. Last year we bought a new build 4 bedroom house.
> We plan to TTC in dec so by the time the baby comes i will have turned 25 and been married 5 years.
> 
> I grew up in a very poor council estate and most of the people I went to school with have kids some of which are about 6years old. My best friend just had a baby and keeps aksing me why I have waited so long when I am so desperate for a baby.
> When I talk about babies to my 'teacher friends' they think i am mad, they are late 20's and are just at the getting married stage and have no plans for babies at all yet so will be in their 30's by time they get pregnant. They think i am too young and too skint to have a baby and too early in my career (been teaching 2 years now) Im stuck in the middle with friends on one side saying having their children is the best thing they did and friends on other side saying it'll be too much of a struggle to have a baby.
> 
> What's the point of working hard all those years at uni, getting a good job and a house if i can't enjoy it by having what i want most in life which is a baby. Plus like my best friend keeps telling me "there will never be a right time, something will always come up to get in the way" so why wait until i'm in my 30's????

I understand where you are coming from, I'm at the same point now. My parents tell me to wait and establish a career before having a baby. I know if I got pregnant now then my mum would strongly pressure me to get an abortion. 

However, my OH is from a very low-socio economic background and his mum had 3 kids by 22 yrs old. None of his family have much at all in the way of qualifications. If he had a baby now then it would be more like a cause for celebration in his family. So there is a big difference in attitudes. My OH has basically said he would like to start a family sooner rather than later, but he doesn't understand the way I've been bought up.

I know I'm not the same person as my mum is, so I don't know wether to listen to her advice or not????? I think in the end we just have to work out who WE are as individuals, and listen to our own voice. To be an independent thinker at all times and ignore anyone who tries to define us in a limiting way. If that makes sense???

I think the people that warn others to wait before starting a family don't always know what's best for others, but they're probably the ones that have a value system more based on material possessions.


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## beccad

I think it's worth mentioning that having a career isn't just about status and money as some of you have implied, intentionally or not. Ok, having the money makes things a bit easier, but everyone I know has got into their careers because they're enjoy and have a genuine interest in what they're doing, and the money is a nice bonus.

Plus career doesn't equal money in many cases. Plenty of people have careers and don't earn loads.


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## SugarSweet

kezc4rc said:


> I have waited as I wanted to get through uni and work for a while plus because my wage is much higher than my hubbys so we will struggle when i go on maternity and when we need to pay for childcare, we already struggle now so I know it will be hard but a lot of people manage and always find a way of coping. I just know I can't wait any longer now, i have everything i aimed for in life and just one thing missing which is a baby. What's the point of working hard all those years at uni, getting a good job and a house if i can't enjoy it by having what i want most in life which is a baby. Plus like my best friend keeps telling me "there will never be a right time, something will always come up to get in the way" so why wait until i'm in my 30's????

I am the main breadwinner in our house too and we struggle now and will struggle even more when we have a baby but we don't care.

Like many of you, I've also grown up in a council estate and achieved well academically. University helped me get me the good job and I've been lucky enough to get on the the property ladder. But in no way are we well off. We never seem to get ahead. 

There is never really a good time to have babies but one day it suddenly kicks in. For me, my biological clock started ringing. I still feel so young though (34). It scares me still but I am really excited.

My younger sisters are not educated and they all had kids really young. They all struggle and are on benefits/one parent families. There were loads of teenage pregancies at my school. Some of my classmates are grannies now!


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## BButterflies

SugarSweet said:


> kezc4rc said:
> 
> 
> I have waited as I wanted to get through uni and work for a while plus because my wage is much higher than my hubbys so we will struggle when i go on maternity and when we need to pay for childcare, we already struggle now so I know it will be hard but a lot of people manage and always find a way of coping. I just know I can't wait any longer now, i have everything i aimed for in life and just one thing missing which is a baby. What's the point of working hard all those years at uni, getting a good job and a house if i can't enjoy it by having what i want most in life which is a baby. Plus like my best friend keeps telling me "there will never be a right time, something will always come up to get in the way" so why wait until i'm in my 30's????
> 
> I am the main breadwinner in our house too and we struggle now and will struggle even more when we have a baby but we don't care.
> 
> Like many of you, I've also grown up in a council estate and achieved well academically. University helped me get me the good job and I've been lucky enough to get on the the property ladder. But in no way are we well off. We never seem to get ahead.
> 
> There is never really a good time to have babies but one day it suddenly kicks in. For me, my biological clock started ringing. I still feel so young though (34). It scares me still but I am really excited.
> 
> My younger sisters are not educated and they all had kids really young. They all struggle and are on benefits/one parent families. There were loads of teenage pregancies at my school. Some of my classmates are grannies now!Click to expand...

Just out of interest, how many children do you want, and did you feel you wanted them from an early age or has broodiness just kicked in?


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## Damita

Most my friends at uni are waiting till they are mid twenties or even early thirties, I have many friends who didn't go to uni and they had kids at a young age but then I have friends who also didn't go to uni who are waiting, I don't know anyone at uni with children minus my one friend whos wife is going to give birth at anytime now but he is 28 and so is his wife, I'm 24 and my uni friends think I am crazy but I would of waited longer but my husband is 31 so he doesn't want to wait much longer, I think it depends really.


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## BButterflies

Damita said:


> Most my friends at uni are waiting till they are mid twenties or even early thirties, I have many friends who didn't go to uni and they had kids at a young age but then I have friends who also didn't go to uni who are waiting, I don't know anyone at uni with children minus my one friend whos wife is going to give birth at anytime now but he is 28 and so is his wife, I'm 24 and my uni friends think I am crazy but I would of waited longer but my husband is 31 so he doesn't want to wait much longer, I think it depends really.

I think it is sad that people think it is crazy to want to TTC at 24, 24 is a fantastic age to start having children as far as i am concerned.


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## morri

I don't draw rich or not in the conclusion just now , but it is quite well known that for example in Germany which has by the way a lower fertility rate than the UK for example, academical women rarely have many kids. Mostly they have maybe one or 2 ,and more often none. I know for example that my OH's brother does not have any children (and wont have as he and his wife are about 46 years old) because they rather wanted to concentrate on academic success. 

I am sure there is a study about that in germany as well.


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## SugarSweet

*Just out of interest, how many children do you want, and did you feel you wanted them from an early age or has broodiness just kicked in?*

I want to have 3 kids and I've always kinda wanted them but never felt ready until now. I'm still not that broody really but really looking forward to it - if that makes sense?!

I always said I definitely wanted to start at 33 to give me time to get 3 babies if possible.

I met my OH almost 5 years ago and pretty much straight away I said "we're starting a family when I am 33". He was like - yeah whatever - do I know you? LOL. No seriously, we were just very early on in our dating but I knew I met the one.

I met my OH when I was 29 - I just turned 34.


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## Jellyt

My fiancé and I are both 22. We've just had our first child. I suspended my education to have a child but I am the only one out of my friends who have children that have been to university. All of my friends who've been to university are not even thinking about having children. Though my friends who have babies by now are less educated, most aren't on benefits. That's just my circle though.


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## tabby28

I am from a low socio economic status background - when I was born my mum was 23 and my dad 27, he was a fireman and she was employed at a supermarket. She definitely expected to have children young, and initially said she wanted more than one. However after I was born the financial pressures on the family were such that she decided to return to education in teh hopes of getting a better career. Both my parents subsequently went on to gain degrees (my mother in medicine my father in mathematics) and she became a hospital doctor and he a teacher. They did not have any more children because of the many years of struggling to get into their new careers.

I think their case seems to support your theory quite well. When they were on a lower income they were keen to have more children, but my mother was concerned about not having enough financial security to do so. Yet, entering further education (especially at her age in life) prevented them from having any more - I believe that if she had still been young enough to do so after becoming a doctor, that she would have liked more children. 

I myself would like to start having children and already feel that I am getting a little old to be delaying it for much longer (I am 27) but I still have a year of university to complete so am trying to wait. I guess I am in the same position as my mother in some senses. I would like at least two, ideally.

I would agree with some others that have posted saying that poor education doesn't always go along with low socio-economic status. My mother and father were both very bright and well educated although only to a certain level (O-Levels as it was in their day). My mother was actually sent to a private secondary school so I guess you might not think of her as working class per say, but she certainly married a very 'blue-collar' man.


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## Aidan's Mummy

Nope I can't say I agree

I became pregnant at 16 yet I am still about to start my degree right on time aged 18 it has nothing to do with your social background but your individual drive etc. 
xx


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## wishwishwish

I really want a child, I am 21 and my dad is a CEO of an airoplane company :shrug: (but he left us when we were little so we never saw any money) and my mum is teacher. My mum has us at 33 and 35 and she said she would kill me if I had a child before 30. It is unheard in my family to have a child before 30, maybe marry but not have children. Although both my parents have 'white collar' jobs, we were really poor and sort of an anomaly amongst my mum's other friends, our income being about £10,000 a year since my dad left us when I and my brother were toddlers.

My OH of six years is 24, his dad is a policeman and his mum is also a teacher. However, I don't think you could place him in a particular socio economic background - S's family were poor when he was very small and his older brother (B) and half sister (D) went to a really rough school. B dreamt of being a policeman and D a hairdresser and having a two up two down house. His parents were better off financially when my OH went to school, they moved house and OH went to a really nice primary and secondary school. He went to uni and is torn between working his way up the career ladder and getting a normal job, a house a wife asap (we are yet to work out if he sees me in the equation). B got married at 21, a house at 22 and 2 babies by 25. D is 19 and has a 6 month old baby, and it's all she ever wanted. The friends of both D & B have exactly the same thing, its standard to settle down early. My OH's friends are all graduates not expecting to settle down to their thirties.

It complicated, but I think its friendship groups and schooling do come into play. I feel really lost among my friends when it comes to babies (mostly at uni like me) because they think I'm mad to want a child now, and a house and to settle down properly. But when I talk to B's wife (my sort of sister in law) she always asks when we are going to have babies and why he won't commit....

By no means am I saying this is the truth, it's just what I think after drawing on my own life

xxxx

xxx


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## purple_turtle

My mom is an identical twin, she and her sister still both live on the same former council estate that they were born on, which is still a working class area. They're both educated to the same level - left school as soon as they had the chance, didn't really bother with exams. My aunt had her first daughter at 21, whereas my mum had my older sister at 28. My aunt's eldest daughter had her first daughter at 19, so my aunt was a grandma at 40. My older sister is planning on TTC next year, the same as me, so, as yet, my mum is in her 50s and not a granny. I'm the only one out of us all to have a university education, so I don't think, in my family at least, that education was the biggest factor.


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## Rebaby

I would be considered to be from a "low socio-economic group" (or as we call ourselves in my family, "working class" :winkwink: )

My parents were 24/25 when they had me (their 1st), they had another 5.5. years later and seperated 4 years after my sister was born. My mum remarried and went on to have 2 more children with her new husband before seperating from him also.

I left home age 15 and went into care (children's home) for 9 months before moving into a flat by myself. I went to college and gained 4 (good) a-levels before going to uni to study Psychology. I dropped out after 18 months on the course to start my nursing diploma and after 3 years i qualified as nurse. I had been working as a nurse for almost a year when i fell pregnant with Tobias. I am now back at work part-time.

I think for me having children/becoming a mum was something i always wanted to do and i was keen not to wait too long as for various reasons OH and i wanted to start our family sooner rather than later. (OH is also educated to university level btw and a similar age, just 18 months older than myself)

I do think it's funny how my mum had me at 24 and i had my 1st child at 24 but so far as i am concerned that is where the similarities end, and i don't think knowing she had children in her 20's influenced me to 'move forward' my plans to have children, the timing was just right for us.

I can absolutely see how for some people it is to do with familial expectations and education and career aspirations though. Like, for e.g. if you have your heart set on a certain qualification / career you are likely to put off having children until you achieve it. If you are not driven towards a particular career path then in that sense you may feel there is no reason to wait :shrug:

It is an interesting topic though.


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## moomin_troll

i will have to disagree with this, its all down to the individual person and has nothing to do with eduction or wealth.
my ohs cousin comes from a very well off family and had her first child at 15, where as i didnt come from a well off family and grew up on a council estate and i didnt really want kids but i did get pregnant with my son at 19 while doing a nvq in business admin, so i was getting my career started as it were. but my sister who works in a shop n doesnt have any qualifications as such doesnt want children till shes atleast 30.


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## Nobody

I can see where the conclusion is drawn, but I think it's a false generalization of a population to an extent.


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## Hodge-Podge

*In alot of ways I completely agree... from an outside looking in that is. Working with the public I can honestely say the uneducated (and yes they do tend to be on the poor side) have multiple children and are young. By young I mean, in their middle 20's with again, multiple children. The more educated women (I work near a college or university) and they are more goal oriented and are less likely to have children. 

As far as my friends, we are all in our early to mid 20's and being the oldest (25 next month) am the ONLY one that is not pregnant. We have all went through our college (university) are married and own our own homes. 

Now going back to the poor/uneducated subject- I don't necessarily agree with this. I don't believe it's so much a lack of education in the school sense as it is they can't afford birth control or are uneducated in the sense that they aren't aware of what's out there or where to get it.*


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## mrsessex

The 'poor' are aware of two things

The state will pay to bring up your children

The state will provide you with untold benefits Inc a property / rent paid / benefits 

Oh and the really good thing! The more babies you have the more child benefit you get! Wahooooo!

Very sarcastic I know but when you work hard yourself it does slightly rile you.

Why do those type seem to fall pregnant just by looking at a bloke?


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## moomin_troll

a girl i no comes from a very well off family and has traveled all over the world n yet soon as she got pregnant she stoped working cuz if a "bad back" and started on benifits. she wasnt bought up on benifits and wasnt poor to begin with.

where as i grew up on a council estate and around benifits and i worked all the way thru my pregnany up until i had to give my job up for my ohs job (army) not working drives me mad


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## mrsessex

I love work, well should say I love my job

when I had my first two boys I was back
to work within 9 months for both of them part time hours on my second boy

being in the house drives me loopy

will be same again on the 3rd baby. Will
stay at home in the mornings till
hubby gets home bout 1pm
then back out myself till around 7

I'm lucky i Can pick and chose when I work otherwise couldn't manage it

x


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## Aidan's Mummy

I come from a 'poor' background, I grew up on a council estate. I had Aidan when I was 16. Now aged 18 I am about to start my degree at university. So saying the poor get pregnant and live off the state is a huge generalisation and a very stereotypical view. Infact I think I had more of a drive. I wanted to give my son what I didn't have 
X


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## moomin_troll

my boss wasnt flexible at all, we moved ages away from my work and i dont drive, so i asked to go back part time until i sorted something out but he said no cuz his wife messed up my admin while i was away.

the girl i no her mentality is shed be getting £20 less a month is she worked so she says she might aswel stay on benifits! i just said thats only numbers ule prob be better off depending on the job. but no she wont have any of it. council pays most of her rent for a 3 bed house when she only has 1 child. but now she is going to uni this yr but she thinks she will get more from this course then she actualy will.

living in cloud coo coo land lol


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## mrsessex

Aidan's Mummy said:


> I come from a 'poor' background, I grew up on a council estate. I had Aidan when I was 16. Now aged 18 I am about to start my degree at university. So saying the poor get pregnant and live off the state is a huge generalisation and a very stereotypical view. Infact I think I had more of a drive. I wanted to give my son what I didn't have
> X

Good for you :)

I can show you a huge council estate here near my town which is full of very young mums and lots of kids per mum

how I know this is I work very closely with a whole section of society and I can tell you ( from the horses mouth themselves) they will have an extra child to bump up the bedroom situation on a new property

it's not stereotypical it's fact

great you've got drive- and why shouldn't you!!! I'd like to think we all have it somewhere.... But there are sections of society ( jeremy Kyle springs to mind) that will happily live off the state- forever


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## Aidan's Mummy

mrsessex said:


> Aidan's Mummy said:
> 
> 
> I come from a 'poor' background, I grew up on a council estate. I had Aidan when I was 16. Now aged 18 I am about to start my degree at university. So saying the poor get pregnant and live off the state is a huge generalisation and a very stereotypical view. Infact I think I had more of a drive. I wanted to give my son what I didn't have
> X
> 
> Good for you :)
> 
> I can show you a huge council estate here near my town which is full of very young mums and lots of kids per mum
> 
> how I know this is I work very closely with a whole section of society and I can tell you ( from the horses mouth themselves) they will have an extra child to bump up the bedroom situation on a new property
> 
> it's not stereotypical it's fact
> 
> great you've got drive- and why shouldn't you!!! I'd like to think we all have it somewhere.... But there are sections of society ( jeremy Kyle springs to mind) that will happily live off the state- foreverClick to expand...

And from having friends with young babies a lot of them are working or in education. Yes of course there will be the typical stereotype. Get pregnant get a house. But from personal experiance I can only count on one hand the number of girls I know that have done that. 

Also I instead of grouping people into one catorgory like teen mums. They need to be supported and educated not sneered at and looked down upon. I am fed up of being labelled with a stereotype. Its about time people stop prejudging and look at the individual and their circumstances before they pass judgment 
ETA have a look In the teen pregnancy section of this forum. Most are finishing their education or working.


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## mrsessex

We'll agree to disagree :)


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## aob1013

I think it's a load of bullshit and statistics have no basis to real life :D

Oh and i think it's very sad to see some people have a very stereotypical view on life - i hope one day something happens in your life to open up your eyes a little bit.


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## beccad

There's always exceptions to a stereotype in ANY socio-economic group. It's not just young mothers, ALL mothers get picked apart by society. Notice that these things rarely involve fathers:

"Teenage mothers popping out kids to get a council house."
"Working mothers damage their children by putting them in nursery."
"Stay at home mothers lack ambition and have no interests outside their kids."

You rarely see a headline about the way fathers parent their children, or their involvement (or lack thereof) in their children's lives.


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## Miss Hamilton

Well i feel pregnant in my last year of university. I graduated and now a qualified teacher. I dont think my level of education has affected the age i had my son. At 22 i thought i was ready. Have my own house, car and working towards what is classed in society as a respectable career. Meanwhile working in the local mcdonalds to keep the extra cash coming in. 

The looks and comments you get from outsiders is unreal. 

But people will comment if your too old, too young, good job, bad job, in education, single parent...people criticise others without knowing the facts.


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## amy_2

mrsessex said:


> Aidan's Mummy said:
> 
> 
> I come from a 'poor' background, I grew up on a council estate. I had Aidan when I was 16. Now aged 18 I am about to start my degree at university. So saying the poor get pregnant and live off the state is a huge generalisation and a very stereotypical view. Infact I think I had more of a drive. I wanted to give my son what I didn't have
> X
> 
> Good for you :)
> 
> I can show you a huge council estate here near my town which is full of very young mums and lots of kids per mum
> 
> how I know this is I work very closely with a whole section of society and I can tell you ( from the horses mouth themselves) they will have an extra child to bump up the bedroom situation on a new property
> 
> it's not stereotypical it's fact
> 
> great you've got drive- and why shouldn't you!!! I'd like to think we all have it somewhere.... But there are sections of society ( jeremy Kyle springs to mind) that will happily live off the state- foreverClick to expand...

I definitely agree it is a fact that 'working class' teenagers that do badly at school are far more likely to have a teen pregnancy than other groups in society. 

Girls that go to private schools, or are from a 'wealthy area' and are bought up with lots of expectations on them to acheive, and goals for themselves are far more likely to delay having kids. 

(I am an example of this, my parents sent me to a private school and had high career expectations for me to succeed. And they were definitely against any pregnancies happenning. As a consequence I have delayed having a baby far past where some other people i have met have started having kids).

Also a lot of country people tend to 'settle down' earlier and start reproducing a lot earlier than other groups. A lot of it depends on the culture you are bought up in.

I don't really blame the teenagers that go on benefits and have kids. I think a lot of it has to do with the breakdown of traditional family values, the de-stigmatization of sex outside marriage, the decline of the male 'breadwinner' etc which has increased the benefits culture and single parenthood. And if the benefits are there, of course they take them. I know how the rest of society gets angry and thinks they need a kick up the ass. But a lot of the people on benefits are just lazy by nature, have low self esteem and are unmotivated etc (many reasons). And many unemployed people do want to work, but the nature of the job market has changed so much, now it is difficult to find secure long term employment for many people.

I also think it is normal and natural that many young girls want babies, many university educated girls (such as myself) want babies too, but their instincts are suppressed to be in line with societies timeline for career women. Then you have the higly motivated, ambitous by nature 'career' women that don't want kids at all and never feel broody.


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## amy_2

Here is a link, explaining young women in deprived areas are up to five times more likely to become teenage mothers, compared to those in affluent areas. 

https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/7606427.stm


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## Aidan's Mummy

My point was just because a young girl has a child doesn't mean they will sit on benefits. I havnt, I'm at uni and like I said look in teen pregnancy most of them are still in education. Most of my friends witg babies are. Time and time again in my personal experance as a young mum I have defied the statiti s and most of the young mums I know have to. So I don't see a group of people as a statistic. I see individuals. And I have learnt to always take statistics with a pinch of salt as I have seen them proved wrong time and time again 
X


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## hopeandpray

I think that it has alot to do with the background you come from. nobody that went to my school (children of pretty high income, 'high social class'people )has had a baby while in education at the school and there were over 1,000 new people in that school every year, however my local school has about 60 new people going to it every year and at most times in a school of about 400 there could be roughly 10 of them pregnant. because of my background, dads a doctor so i guess we'd be considered fairly 'upper middle class' i am terrified of getting pregnant. i have the implant and still use condoms and tmi pull out because it is just unheard of for any of the children of my parents circle of friends to be pregnant at a young age. The statistics tell the truth. *Usually* people that have children at a young age are from low education, low income backgrounds. It's not trying to be horrible it's just how it is


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## hopeandpray

aob1013 said:


> I think it's a load of bullshit and statistics have no basis to real life :D
> 
> Oh and i think it's very sad to see some people have a very stereotypical view on life - i hope one day something happens in your life to open up your eyes a little bit.

i don't see how you can say that statistics have no basis in real life, real life happened and statistics are the figures related to them. It's not bs that people from lower income backgrounds are more likely to have children at a young age, i mean of course there are exceptions but it's true :shrug:


----------



## beccad

Aidan's Mummy said:


> My point was just because a young girl has a child doesn't mean they will sit on benefits. I havnt, I'm at uni and like I said look in teen pregnancy most of them are still in education. Most of my friends witg babies are. Time and time again in my personal experance as a young mum I have defied the statiti s and most of the young mums I know have to. So I don't see a group of people as a statistic. I see individuals. And I have learnt to always take statistics with a pinch of salt as I have seen them proved wrong time and time again
> X

Good for you :thumbup: Like several people have said, there are exceptions to everything. There's a lot of women in my social circle who the media would describe as 'selfishly putting their career before having kids', when in reality they'd love to have kids, but they've HAD to make a go of their career because they've just not met the right guy.

Right or wrong, everybody judges mothers, irrespective of their background or social status.


----------



## PrincessKay

hopeandpray said:


> aob1013 said:
> 
> 
> I think it's a load of bullshit and statistics have no basis to real life :D
> 
> Oh and i think it's very sad to see some people have a very stereotypical view on life - i hope one day something happens in your life to open up your eyes a little bit.
> 
> i don't see how you can say that statistics have no basis in real life, real life happened and statistics are the figures related to them. It's not bs that people from lower income backgrounds are more likely to have children at a young age, i mean of course there are exceptions but it's true :shrug:Click to expand...

I agree, statistics need to come from somewhere :shrug:

I went to a government school and left with GCSE's and then went to college and done A-Levels etc. I then left college at 16 and went straight into my job and ive been there for nearly 5 years. In this time i have moved 'up the ladder' so to speak and im just starting my new role now. I plan to get settled into my new role and TTC in aug next year then go back to work after about 7 months and continue 'moving up the ladder' whilst my OH is at work and LO is in daycare. Some people complain about mums who put their children in daycare but i want to carry on with my career and set a good example to my child. 

I am 21 and can honestly say that out of my group of friends at school i am the only one who doesnt have a child, we have just bought our own house, we have 2 cars on the drive and go on holiday every year, we do have a good life. I know this isnt the same for my friends, they live in council houses and some are on benefits some are at college etc and they dont have alot of money therefore worrying where to get money for LO's new shoes etc but they will do without to provide for their child. I know this isnt the same for everyone and they are brilliant mums but i just wanted all this stuff first before having a child. 

So in my case this study is true but i think it just all depends :shrug:


I do strongly believe that no matter what background you come from or how much money you have or what school you went to makes a difference to how good of a parent you are as no matter how old my friends are they are all fantastic mums (apart from 1 :haha:)

K xx


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## moomin_troll

im sure wed be fine and could live our lives just fine without these "statistics".
im not willing to be labled by them when ive not been personaly asked myself to take part


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## Aidan's Mummy

moomin_troll said:


> im sure wed be fine and could live our lives just fine without these "statistics".
> im not willing to be labled by them when ive not been personaly asked myself to take part

Agreed. Xx


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## fumbles

Hello Hello ladies!

This is my first ever post on here, so hello!!! I really like this thread, very interesting! 

I'm not sure where i fit into the stats but i am 26, married, both me and DH have post grad qualifications and have good jobs. No bubs yet but I'm very excited as DH suggested we join the TTC crowd some time soon.

I'm really scared though! about pregnancy, labour etc etc how did you guys decide when you were ready?


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## beccad

moomin_troll said:


> im sure wed be fine and could live our lives just fine without these "statistics".
> im not willing to be labled by them when ive not been personaly asked myself to take part

They're probably basing it on census data and birth records.


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## tasha41

Generally correct, but I didn't expect to be having kids until I was 27-30, had my daughter at 19, even though my parents are pretty well off and we lived in a great neighbourhood with expensive houses (of course there were apartments and some not as nice houses mixed in though, our city is pretty well mixed), I am intelligent and was in college at the time...


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## LolaAnn

I'm from a high socio-economic background, very well educated and worked in a great job earning loads from the age of 20 (after finishing school early to go to University then graduating etc). Had my first baby at the age of 23 - desperately want more - at least 5 :)


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## tasha41

Also as a young mum, teen mom actually... I have never taken any welfare etc, the only 'support' I get off the gov't is child tax credits/benefits, and everyone is welcome to apply for these, I could work full time and still receive them depending on my job. I work (until recently 40hrs/week, now only 20) and I'm now working on completing my college education from home... my partner and I bought our own house and pay our mortgage, gas bill, hydro, taxes, cable, cell phone bills, groceries, contribute to an education plan for our daughter, and support ourselves on our hard earned wages

The only mums I know receiving support (welfare) genuinely need it, for example my friend is a single mum with no family support to speak of, and the father is not involved.. she was in college and was kicked out for missing too much time due to her son being born premature and having ongoing health issues, they literally told her that someone else should go to the hospital while she went to school, but 1) she's his mother, I don't understand how a professor could tell you to do that, and 2) there was literally no one else to be there for him.


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## purplerat

In my case, I am 21 and have my 8 month old son. I was a student in my 2nd of university when I fell pregnant and had him in the middle of the final year. I passed my BA Hons degree with good marks and want a further 3 kids in the future! William wasn't planned, but I hope his future siblings will be.

I do currently have several benefits to help me out with bills as my OH doesn't earn much. Once William is 18 months I will be getting a job as I want to earn my own money :)

I'd say I was from a middle socio eco background.


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## SarahJane

The irony in this whole discussion is that the "younger" and alleged "stereotype" mums are doing exactly the right thing. 

I am 34 years old, I went to university and have a very successful career. I have been through 6 months of TTC so far. If if takes another 6 to conceive or I have any fertility problems, I will be 35 which will mean an increased risk to my unborn child and myself.

All I can say is that I wish I'd used some of my brains to work out in my 20's that fertility is a gift and one which shouldn't be squandered on personal desire for "material possessions" and career. If I could go back and change one thing, I would have TTC in my 20's. 

So I guess my point to the argument is that sometimes the educated can be really uneducated in their decsions.


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## Aidan's Mummy

SarahJane said:


> *The irony in this whole discussion is that the "younger" and alleged "stereotype" mums are doing exactly the right thing*.
> 
> I am 34 years old, I went to university and have a very successful career. I have been through 6 months of TTC so far. If if takes another 6 to conceive or I have any fertility problems, I will be 35 which will mean an increased risk to my unborn child and myself.
> 
> All I can say is that I wish I'd used some of my brains to work out in my 20's that fertility is a gift and one which shouldn't be squandered on personal desire for "material possessions" and career. If I could go back and change one thing, I would have TTC in my 20's.
> 
> So I guess my point to the argument is that sometimes the educated can be really uneducated in their decsions.

So true. Hope you get a :bfp: soon
xx


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## susywoosy

I've had a read through this thread and have to say that the views are quite mixed.

I dont know if your up bringing or your socio-economic status has anything to do with when you decide to have children.

I have one sister and obviously we were brought up the same way in the same house with the same opportunities. We began our lives in your typical family, in a nice house with a reasonably stable financial situation.

My parents divorced when I was 12 and we moved with my mum to a council estate. My mum worked so hard to provide for us and although we didnt have everything we wanted, we managed well enough.

Anyway, my sister met her partner fairly young and settled down having her first child at 21 and her second at 23. She only recently went back to work on a full time basis and is poviding well for her family.

I on the other hand went on to university, obtained my degree and went on to get my post-graduate qualificaton. I am now lecturing at college and have a stable job with a good income and I'm studying toward my masters (MEd) on a part time basis.

I married my partner of 5 years in April. He was an army captain and had worked hard most of his career to gain his status. A few months before we married we decided to start trying for children.

I have been pregnant twice and miscarried twice and we are distraught at our situation. I've only just turned 30 and to be honest may have had problems carrying a child even if we had started trying a earlier. So I dont think my age is a problem.

My sister would now like to continue her studies being 28 and the kids now at school but can't afford financially to do so.

So i think my thoughts are that whether you have aspirations to better yourself and become 'educated' or decide to have children first, those aspiratons will be there no matter what your background is or your socio-economic status and regardless will find a way if you want it bad enough.

My goal now is to try again to have a family and my DH and I feel the time is perfect right now. My sister, unfortunately may never be able to get to uni and as much as she loves her kids, may say she wished she had waited a few more years so as she could have gotten her degree first.


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## GFirly

Hiya everyone! I think this thread is soooo interesting! I am generally of the belief that you have kids when you are ready for some thats 18 and for some its 45!

I am from i guess a poorer background as is my husband, we both grew up in ex-mining towns in the north east but we both went to university, me to a post-graduate level. I have a successful career which i enjoy and my hubby has a stable job. We are both only in our mid-20s and we are (nearly) ready to have kids!

i did have a bit of a wobble as we don't own our own house - but there is no way we could afford a house and a baby in the next five years and we wanted our first before 30! i'm lucky enough to work for a good company with good maternity benefits and (apart from the house) be financially secure.

when it comes down to it there are always worries though - I was talking with a 35 year old colleage of mine who is pregnant now, in a stable relationship and financially secure and she is worried about loosing her identity (and her sanity with all the baby talk) after years of being a driven career woman.


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