# Are you throwing your own baby shower?



## DramaFreeMama

I'm a while away from this but i was just wondering about it after reading something on another site. I know its tradition to have a relative throw it for you, but has anyone thrown their own for any reason?

I have been thinking about it and my aunt said she would love to throw me one but she is so far away (as well as all my family and friends). If she threw it at her house, none of oh's friends or family could come. None of our families have met each other yet as well, so if anyone else threw it....someone's family would get left out. I thought the shower would be a good excuse to get everyone over when we get a new house as well. my family would send gifts regardless of if we had a shower or not, so its not about getting gifts. It would be more about getting together.

Why is there such a stigma around throwing your own shower?


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## DramaFreeMama

:shy: bump??:shy:


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## Sophist

I think there is stigma because its like asking for gifts for yourself.

I think to throw your own, you would have to be really creative to avoid that feeling.


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## DramaFreeMama

Sophist said:


> I think there is stigma because its like asking for gifts for yourself.
> 
> I think to throw your own, you would have to be really creative to avoid that feeling.

either way, if someone else throws it...or i throw it... aren't i still making a registry???

which is asking for gifts no matter what...


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## emilyjean

I don't think it's a huge deal. I just went to a shower earlier that the couple threw for themselves. Really, what does it matter who sends out the invites? Plus, it's friends and family, and they're expecting there to be a shower. Just do it sort of unconventionally, maybe make it a couples shower? Or a combo housewarming/baby shower. 

Can anyone in OH's family 'host' for you, while you still have the party at your house?


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## Sophist

DramaFreeMama said:


> Sophist said:
> 
> 
> I think there is stigma because its like asking for gifts for yourself.
> 
> I think to throw your own, you would have to be really creative to avoid that feeling.
> 
> either way, if someone else throws it...or i throw it... aren't i still making a registry???
> 
> which is asking for gifts no matter what...Click to expand...

Well maybe I'm the wrong person to ask...I think any type of registry is tacky.

I think that if I were going to throw my own shower, I'd probably do a "welcome baby" party or something and invite couples--do something non-traditional. Or I would ask a friend or relative to host it and mail the invites from them, but do all the planning myself.


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## wantababybump

I threw my own shower (along with the help of a friend)...didnt really care about tradition. I had a really bad wedding shower & bachelorette experience and seeing as though this was our 3rd try at a pregnancy and it was actually going well I wanted to make sure the shower was the way I wanted it. When we eventually have another baby I said it really doesnt matter if someone else throws me one as at least I had my first baby's and it was an awesome experience!!

I had a baby registry but TBH only 2 people used it and everyone else just brought stuff they wanted to buy :) it was fun and people expect to buy gifts for a babyshower regardless of who throws it :hug: x


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## mummyzilla

I see you guys are all from usa/canada and I know its a big tradition in states its not so big in uk.
I have known a few people to throw their own shower and its never really bothered me. I mean I'd buy their baby a gift anyway regardless of whether they threw a shower or not and the host is providing nibbles and drinks and hospitality in return with a shower.

However from my own personal viewpoint, I couldn't have a baby shower.My mum said that my aunty and her wanted to throw a baby shower for me, I asked them not to, simply because I feel its awkward for me as I am not good at accepting gifts. I feel as if people will think I'm asking for gifts BUT that is cos we are in UK and baby showers are not the norm round where I live!


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## peanut56

At this point, I WISH I were throwing my own shower. One of my "friends" who's helping with it is nothing but drama, and seems to be doing her best to ruin it for me :( She has to make everything about her, and cannot keep her drama to herself even for five minutes to celebrate for someone else. It's making me not even want this shower, tbh.
Sorry, bit of a rant. Anyway, if you want to throw your own shower, I say just go for it. Yes, some people will be offended, or think it's a "gift grab", but let's be honest here...everyone knows you bring gifts to a shower. So who cares who actually "throws" it, know what I mean? 
I think etiquette is changing....it used to be that people were only supposed to have showers for first babies, but more and more people are having them for second, third, etc babies. So I think times are changing :)


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## DramaFreeMama

Sophist said:


> DramaFreeMama said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sophist said:
> 
> 
> I think there is stigma because its like asking for gifts for yourself.
> 
> I think to throw your own, you would have to be really creative to avoid that feeling.
> 
> either way, if someone else throws it...or i throw it... aren't i still making a registry???
> 
> which is asking for gifts no matter what...Click to expand...
> 
> Well maybe I'm the wrong person to ask...I think any type of registry is tacky.
> 
> I think that if I were going to throw my own shower, I'd probably do a "welcome baby" party or something and invite couples--do something non-traditional. Or I would ask a friend or relative to host it and mail the invites from them, but do all the planning myself.Click to expand...

I thought about a meet and great the baby, but so many people around my newborn at one time just scares me. I don't think i could host and take care of the baby. Too much to handle. And all those people wanting to hold the baby at one time... i would have a heart attack lol.


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## terri21

I really really wanted a baby shower as its another thing that i didnt have the chance to do with my pregnancy with harry but i felt so cheeky asking people to come to a baby shower for myself so i left it and hoped maybe someone else would arrange one but no one has :haha: never mind!

xx


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## DramaFreeMama

emilyjean said:


> I don't think it's a huge deal. I just went to a shower earlier that the couple threw for themselves. Really, what does it matter who sends out the invites? Plus, it's friends and family, and they're expecting there to be a shower. Just do it sort of unconventionally, maybe make it a couples shower? *Or a combo housewarming/baby shower.
> 
> Can anyone in OH's family 'host' for you, while you still have the party at your house?*

I think i will make it officially a combo housewarming/baby shower. I'm sure OH's mom would offer to help but i'm not sure she would want to host a big party (and i'm not sure OH would want that either to be honest). Whoever can make it out there first from my family will probably help me get everything together and help me host. I'm not planning alot of big activities r anything, just food and chit chat.


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## Faerie

My sister threw my shower last time... well, she was meant to but she's hopeless so I ended up pretty much doing it myself! At the end of the day whoever sends the invite people are still attending the same party.

I didn't do a registry as such but did send out a list of things we needed like towels, a changing bag etc so I guess it was me asking for the gifts anyways.


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## sleepen

with my first nobody gave me a shower so this time around i really want one so i have dropped a few hints about such. if i don't get the response i want i will throw my own. it does sound tacky, but i have no family to do it for me and my freinds can be a bit flaky


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## DramaFreeMama

I think times are changing and a baby shower doesn't have to be just about getting gifts. I don't think its "tacky" at all to host your party yourself.


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## JaniceT

We don't hold baby showers here, it's not part of the culture/traditions. However, we do have a 'full moon' celebration held when baby is 1 month old. The parents will pre-pack food gifts to be distributed to friends and family. There may also be a gathering at the parents' home with food/buffet/meals to celebrate.

Guest will not come empty handed. They will come bearing gifts of money, gifts or baby items. This will also be when baby has his/her first hair cut :)


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## Tigerlily01

.


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## DramaFreeMama

Tigerlily01 said:


> The full moon celebration sounds like a really cool tradition!

Agreed!!:thumbup:


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## DivaSatanica

I think its fine to throw your own shower, especially given the circumstances of family's location, etc. Having a registry or throwing your shower is no more tacky than having a registry for your wedding, or having a bridal shower or a housewarming party. I never had a registry with my other two kids, but have been requested by my family to have one this time, so they know what I need/want.


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## wantababybump

To be honest only 2 people bought anything off my registry...most people still dont use it so don't be surprised if you get a lot of people who just buy whatever anyways! Hubby and I just have been slowly getting the stuff we wanted off our own registry so that way we know what we still need and want :)


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## mystika802

I threw my own shower with my first, I had people keep telling me they were gonig to throw me one and just never did so finally I just threw my own. I dont see why there is an issue with it


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## disneyfan1984

Traditionally, the etiquette states that one should never throw themselves any party that involves gift-giving (showers, birthday parties, etc...) because it is seen as greedy. This is a concise explanation:



> Q. Is it okay to throw yourself a shower? I have several kids and am expecting triplets. I've never had a shower before.
> 
> A. It's true that "proper etiquette rules" have relaxed a great deal since Emily Post, especially for baby showers. However, in the world of baby shower etiquette, most people would consider it really tacky to host your own shower. Showers can be given by most anybody these days but are usually hosted by a girlfriend or a grandma-to-be. If you have enough friends and relatives to attend a shower, I bet someone among that group will throw one for you. If you don't hear of any plans, try dropping some subtle hints.

Link


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## DramaFreeMama

disneyfan1984 said:


> Traditionally, the etiquette states that one should never throw themselves any party that involves gift-giving (showers, birthday parties, etc...) because it is seen as greedy. This is a concise explanation:
> 
> 
> 
> Q. Is it okay to throw yourself a shower? I have several kids and am expecting triplets. I've never had a shower before.
> 
> A. It's true that "proper etiquette rules" have relaxed a great deal since Emily Post, especially for baby showers. However, in the world of baby shower etiquette, most people would consider it really tacky to host your own shower. Showers can be given by most anybody these days but are usually hosted by a girlfriend or a grandma-to-be. If you have enough friends and relatives to attend a shower, I bet someone among that group will throw one for you. If you don't hear of any plans, try dropping some subtle hints.
> 
> LinkClick to expand...

Well, i'm not a very traditional person. And i believe that etiquette is subjective. 

What is tacky or "improper" to one person can be perfectly fine to another. 

Also, did you host your own wedding? Because I know alot of people who hosted thier own wedding parties and were obviously given gifts....registered for them infact (and none were considered rude as far as i know)

And if one or close family members or friends would have a problem with me throwing my own party, they probably wouldn't have been invited in the first place. Gifts are not required or expected


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## peanut56

There's always going to be people that get offended at things that fall outside of "proper etiquette". No matter what you do, when it comes to showers and parties, you're always going to offend someone! So there's really no point in trying to please everyone. Some people think it's tacky to have a family member throw the party for you - it should be a non family member. Well I say who cares? Throw your own party if you want to! The kind of people who find it offensive can just not go. You probably wouldn't want them there anyway!


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## DramaFreeMama

peanut56 said:


> There's always going to be people that get offended at things that fall outside of "proper etiquette". No matter what you do, when it comes to showers and parties, you're always going to offend someone! So there's really no point in trying to please everyone. Some people think it's tacky to have a family member throw the party for you - it should be a non family member. Well I say who cares? Throw your own party if you want to! The kind of people who find it offensive can just not go. You probably wouldn't want them there anyway!

Agreed!:thumbup:


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## QueSeraSera

technically my mom threw our shower, but she was coming into town with some other family members for my graduation from university and couldnt do much of the planning. so i was the one who actually sent out the invites and took the RSVPs. we also shopped for the decorations together because she needed to get them once she was here. i dont think anyone thought it was tacky...it was just the way it had to be given our situation. 

we also had a non-tradtional shower. it was coed and children were even invited. we did a bbq for everyone and ate before getting to the more traditional games and opening of presents. so it felt more like a gathering of friends and family than anything else. we had registered, but more for ourselves than anything else. we saw the registry as something that would help us stay organized as to what we had bought and what we hadnt. so on the invites we just said "come hungry, come happy, come ready to celebrate" to try and make everyone realize that it was more about the gathering than the presents. but EVERYONE ended up asking us where we were registered at anyway. i dont think its tacky...people expect it. they want to know what you need and want.

anyway, just how we did it and my point of view. i hope you figure out a scenario that will work for your situation! good luck :)


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## disneyfan1984

DramaFreeMama said:


> Also, did you host your own wedding? Because I know alot of people who hosted thier own wedding parties and were obviously given gifts....registered for them infact (and none were considered rude as far as i know)

Weddings are different - the point isn't to get gifts, the point is to get married. I'm not saying I agree, I'm just explaining that etiquette states that occasions where gifts are the _purpose_ are not supposed to be hosted by the recipient.


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## NetsaBaba

I actually havent even got to thinking about it yet. Not sure i will have one in the end there is so much more to do.
Im not really into being the center of attention anyway, makes me feel strange.
Although if i do have one i will have to have some input as im a design freak!


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## DramaFreeMama

disneyfan1984 said:


> DramaFreeMama said:
> 
> 
> Also, did you host your own wedding? Because I know alot of people who hosted thier own wedding parties and were obviously given gifts....registered for them infact (and none were considered rude as far as i know)
> 
> Weddings are different - the point isn't to get gifts, the point is to get married. I'm not saying I agree, I'm just explaining that etiquette states that occasions where gifts are the _purpose_ are not supposed to be hosted by the recipient.Click to expand...

I don't understand why the point of it has to be to get gifts. I definitely don't plan on throwing a party to get gifts (i could get them without having to throw a party). I just want to get everyone together and celebrate the fact that we are having a baby.

And like i said, etiquette is subjective. What might not be proper for one person (or one culture) may be more than fine to another.


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## Sophist

DramaFreeMama said:


> disneyfan1984 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> DramaFreeMama said:
> 
> 
> Also, did you host your own wedding? Because I know alot of people who hosted thier own wedding parties and were obviously given gifts....registered for them infact (and none were considered rude as far as i know)
> 
> Weddings are different - the point isn't to get gifts, the point is to get married. I'm not saying I agree, I'm just explaining that etiquette states that occasions where gifts are the _purpose_ are not supposed to be hosted by the recipient.Click to expand...
> 
> I don't understand why the point of it has to be to get gifts. I definitely don't plan on throwing a party to get gifts (i could get them without having to throw a party). *I just want to get everyone together and celebrate the fact that we are having a baby.*
> 
> And like i said, etiquette is subjective. What might not be proper for one person (or one culture) may be more than fine to another.Click to expand...

This is why I think you should call it something besides "shower" and structure it differently than a traditional shower if you don't want to be seen as rude. Baby showers, wedding showers, etc are held to "shower" the bride/mother to be with gifts. I think that's why it can come off as rude if you throw it for yourself, "Hey everyone, shower ME with gifts." 

You don't go to a wedding with the express purpose of gifting, it's a much smaller part of it. You don't open gifts AT your wedding, and really you could go to a wedding without bringing a gift and not have anyone notice. But you go to the wedding/reception to share in their joy, honor the couple, meet their new DH and/or his family, dance & have fun. At a shower you do some token games, and then the focus of the party _is _opening the gifts. 

Yes, people will probably give you a gift either way, whether your friends host a "traditional" shower, you host your own "traditional" shower, or you have a big old couples & family friendly BBQ...but the point of etiquette is not to enforce bizarre cultural rules, but to make others feel _comfortable_, to be gracious. Even if you don't personally agree with the etiquette standard, creating a gracious atmosphere sets the tone for how people perceive you. Just because you don't think people _should_ perceive it as rude, doesn't mean they won't. They will probably still love you anyway, they just won't always know what to expect because you've broken a social norm and that can impact how comfortable they feel around you.


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## DramaFreeMama

Sophist said:


> DramaFreeMama said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> disneyfan1984 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> DramaFreeMama said:
> 
> 
> Also, did you host your own wedding? Because I know alot of people who hosted thier own wedding parties and were obviously given gifts....registered for them infact (and none were considered rude as far as i know)
> 
> Weddings are different - the point isn't to get gifts, the point is to get married. I'm not saying I agree, I'm just explaining that etiquette states that occasions where gifts are the _purpose_ are not supposed to be hosted by the recipient.Click to expand...
> 
> I don't understand why the point of it has to be to get gifts. I definitely don't plan on throwing a party to get gifts (i could get them without having to throw a party). *I just want to get everyone together and celebrate the fact that we are having a baby.*
> 
> And like i said, etiquette is subjective. What might not be proper for one person (or one culture) may be more than fine to another.Click to expand...
> 
> *This is why I think you should call it something besides "shower" and structure it differently than a traditional shower if you don't want to be seen as rude. *Baby showers, wedding showers, etc are held to "shower" the bride/mother to be with gifts. I think that's why it can come off as rude if you throw it for yourself, "Hey everyone, shower ME with gifts."
> 
> You don't go to a wedding with the express purpose of gifting, it's a much smaller part of it. You don't open gifts AT your wedding, and really you could go to a wedding without bringing a gift and not have anyone notice. But you go to the wedding/reception to share in their joy, honor the couple, meet their new DH and/or his family, dance & have fun. At a shower you do some token games, and then the focus of the party _is _opening the gifts.
> 
> Yes, people will probably give you a gift either way, whether your friends host a "traditional" shower, you host your own "traditional" shower, or you have a big old couples & family friendly BBQ...but the point of etiquette is not to enforce bizarre cultural rules, but to make others feel _comfortable_, to be gracious. Even if you don't personally agree with the etiquette standard, creating a gracious atmosphere sets the tone for how people perceive you. Just because you don't think people _should_ perceive it as rude, doesn't mean they won't. They will probably still love you anyway, they just won't always know what to expect because you've broken a social norm and that can impact how comfortable they feel around you.Click to expand...

I didn't plan on doing anything traditional for it anyway. Co-ed get together will be what its about, the focus will not be getting gifts, it will be celebrating. 

But if the "name" is what makes it rude, then i can understand someone calling it a baby "party" instead of baby "shower". Or call it a shower and say "gifts aren't required" on the invite. 

But if i went to a baby shower thrown by someone who is family or a close friend, and they threw it themselves, it would not bother or offend me at all. Especially since the gifts aren't for the mother, they are for the baby. 

I'm pretty confident that my family and friends would know that the purpose of my shower will not be the traditional purpose of receiving gifts. It will be a non-traditional shower serving the non-traditional purpose of bringing our families and friends together to meet for the first time (since we aren't married as "traditionally" a couple who are about to have a baby should be). 

Times are changing, and what might have made many people uncomfortable at one time doesn't apply to everyone now. 

I think its just all a matter of opinion


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## peanut56

I agree that it's all a matter of opinion. I just think if you don't have friends and family near you, or they're not wanting to make the effort to throw your shower, or can't, why should you have to miss out? A shower is a fun and exciting thing, whether there's gifts there or not. There will definitely be people who are offended by you throwing your own shower, absolutely...but there will always be someone who's offended by SOMETHING. Some people are offended by the whole idea of a shower. Some people are horribly offended by registries. Some people are offended if it's even a family member throwing it for you. You can't please everyone. 
If it comes down to either you throw your own shower or you don't get one, I think you should throw your own, and those who don't like it can stay home. 
There's also always the option of stating "no gifts necessary" or something like that on the invitations. 
A shower shouldn't ONLY be about gifts. Obviously, showers usually involve gifts. But it's also about celebrating a happy occasion in a woman's life!
Just my opinion. :flower:


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## BabySeal

I am not having a traditional "baby shower". I am having a baby shower yes, but it will be different in the sense that it will be co-ed. I have just as many male friends as female friends. I am going to help plan the shower and am going to have a registry. People are already asking where I will register. I don't feel guilty setting up a registry. 

I will be thankful for any gifts I may recieve, and if someone doesn't bring a gift it wont bother me. We are all getting together and celebrating the baby. I will be just as thankful for a friend arriving with no gift, one of the guys stopping by with a just a binky wrapped up, or someone who felt it necessary to buy multiple gifts.

I don't judge. I love all of my friends and if they didnt find it necessary to get a gift then that is fine. I am not requiring them.


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## Widget

Traditional etiquette dictates that it is poor manners to throw your own shower.... even a close relative like mother or sister should not hold the shower. 

However since I have no girlfriends, I was complaining to my mother that I will never get to have a shower celebration... my mother said that she will hold an informal afternoon tea instead for all of the female relatives/family friends... that way people will not feel that they have to bring gifts (which is good, because I don't like being on the receiving end of gifts). We can still discuss baby things (and perhaps play a game or two) without the word "shower" as in "showering of gifts" being attached.


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