# FOB neglects my son on his unsupervised visits :'(



## Marlarky

FOB takes our son for 4 hours (11a-3p) every Wed and Thurs

Well this is the 3rd week in a row that they only change his diapers ONCE the whole 4 hours, and comes back to me with a loaded diaper. Well yesterday drew the line. FOB brought him back to me with a loaded diaper, soaked up his back with pee :cry: My poor baby was napping in that I wanted to cry it was such a sad sight. And they (FOB and his mommyyyyyy) made 1 bottle of 7 ounces, and aaron only drank 3 oz. He isnt comfortable eating anywhere away from home with me, so if Im not the one feeding him, he drinks even less. Hes not getting the adequate nutrition when he is there, and he comes home with spit-up all over his clothes and his bib completely soaked (I pack extra bibs and clothes and they dont change him). Is this reason to stop giving him unsupervised visits and make him supervise them?? The thing is that he is so psychologically abusive and controlling to me and yells at me for things like only cutting one hand of aaron's fingernails at a time because thats all i can get done, he is so fidgety!! And putting him on the floor for tummy time (its too cold on the floor is his excuse??:shrug:) and things like what he is wearing. I guess babies are supposed to wear hoodies hats mittens and sweatpants, socks and shoes in 85 degree (Farenheit) weather. (and this is just while we are broken up, i cant even go into the things he did to me while we were dating :cry:) These are the reasons I allowed him unsupervised visitation, bc I dont want to see him and have him brainwashing me anymore. Plus he said if I didnt, he would go to court and they would give him 3 overnights a week because i dont breastfeed and Im not ready for overnights yet, hes not even 4 months old yet...

Can anyone help???


----------



## sophiew

Deny him supervised access - He's obviously not capable!!! The breastfeeding stuff is utter bollocks, sorry for my language. He'll get one day a week or fortnight to start with through the courts, supervised, until he can prove he can look afte rthe baby. AND mothers are not expected to have their babies away from home for a couple of years!!! xx


----------



## Marlarky

Do you mean deny him unsupervised?? Or deny him supervised as well and go through the courts?


----------



## laura1991

Deny supervised, hes neglecting your child. Just present that to the court, log any abuse you get. He wont get 3 over nights dont worry xx


----------



## Marlarky

Just to note, i dk y there is a smiley face next to the thread lol, it was supposed to be a sad face.

Thank you laura1991, if he comes back like that again today, which i know he will, im done giving him chances.


----------



## laura1991

Just stay strong, dont let him walk all over you. I know its hard but just fight forwhats best for your son :hugs: xxx


----------



## Marlarky

He does walk all over me all the time. He makes me feel so guilty when I tell him he cant take Aaron, even when he asks me an hour before he wants him and I cancel my plans to let him take him. I dont know why I feel so bad for him he treated me like crap and now begs for me back since I left but he should have thought about how he treated me and how he did nothing with aaron when i still lived with him. Im so scared of what he will do when I tell him that he cant take Aaron anymore


----------



## TiredNurse27

I wouldn't let him see the baby unsupervised, and I sure as hell wouldn't have some new girlfriend around the baby that's just weird.

He would never get the baby overnight through the courts this early on surely? He sure as hell wouldn't in the UK.


----------



## Marlarky

He doesnt have a new girlfriend lol?? I definitely wouldnt let him have Aaron around her if he did. 

When he brought him back today he had a soaked diaper, which was my fauly because I forgot to restock the diaperbag and he yelled at me, bought new diapers at the pharmacy, yet still didnt change him anyway :shrug:

He said its beause he didnt want to open the box wtf? and that he was rushing to get him back to me on time. Well I have him ready dressed, changed, fed and burped all on time for him so shouldnt he do the same :growlmad:


----------



## xKARENxBABYx

defenty not and he should suppily clothers nappies ect. my FOB has to suppliy bottles and everything. though i offred to do it but if it gose to court he will need to suppliy. i wouldnt let him see him again but if it gose to court he probally get supervised contact. and as for overnight someone said at 3months he wouldnt but my lawyer said at aiden's age 9months he would get it at court. xx


----------



## littlekitten8

My sisters little girl didn't go for overnight until she was 4. Solicitors will not go for overnight access until they are considered old enough to tell you what is happening


----------



## xKARENxBABYx

^^ Sorry but that's not true in my case anyways sadly FOB will be getting over night acces in 10days when LO is 9months old i was told if it went to court he would get overnight access.. :( even though he dosn't look after him ect.


----------



## sophie0909uk

I hope you get this sorted. It must be so frustrating! Just thought id let you know, courts wont allow over night untill around 4 years of age. xx


----------



## xKARENxBABYx

i wish that was the case^^ ive have been to two lawyer and they've both said if it went to court he would be granted overnights sadly. but its diffrent in all cases xx


----------



## nanomey

i was in court 2years ago - took my EX about contact. 
at the time i said i was happy for him to see them as much as he liked (i attually took HIM to court to see them!!) but the judge said he could not have my youngest dd overnight until she was 2.5 or until i though she was big enough. my other 2 dd's were granted overnight stay at 3 years & 5 years.
i took him back 6 months after then as same kind of story as yours - wet nappies (for the baby & none used that i had sent) once he told me he could not have them as he had no food - so i cooked & sent a big bowl of pasta so that he could still have them...it all came back 3 hours later & after asking what they ate he said ''sweets haha''. keep a reccord of every visit - write it down & keep texts. the judge ruled supervised visits only from that point.
There was domestic violence background (towards me not the children), make sure the courts/solicitors etc are aware about ANY abuse - including just mental.
good luck & be strong :)


----------



## Marlarky

nanomey said:


> i was in court 2years ago - took my EX about contact.
> at the time i said i was happy for him to see them as much as he liked (i attually took HIM to court to see them!!) but the judge said he could not have my youngest dd overnight until she was 2.5 or until i though she was big enough. my other 2 dd's were granted overnight stay at 3 years & 5 years.
> i took him back 6 months after then as same kind of story as yours - wet nappies (for the baby & none used that i had sent) once he told me he could not have them as he had no food - so i cooked & sent a big bowl of pasta so that he could still have them...it all came back 3 hours later & after asking what they ate he said ''sweets haha''. keep a reccord of every visit - write it down & keep texts. the judge ruled supervised visits only from that point.
> There was domestic violence background (towards me not the children), make sure the courts/solicitors etc are aware about ANY abuse - including just mental.
> good luck & be strong :)

Thanks you! I have record of the psychological abuse written down for before I left him and how he refused to even buy dishsoap for me to wash bottles so we had none leftt, etc. And that is just before I left him. I write down everything now too, like what he pays me, the condition Aaron leaves my house in, and the horrible condition he comes home in, how he treats me on the phone and when he omes to pick up Aaron, etc.


----------



## xKARENxBABYx

tbh its diffrent with my fob he sees aiden and leaves him with is mum ect. aiden sometimes comes back with food on what i bought but nothing bad.. no wet nappies ect if he did id probally kill him lol. but i can't understand why two lawyers would tell me 9months??? though im happy kinda cause aiden will be looked after but not the way i do it ? x


----------



## Marlarky

My FOB does have his mom take care of him the whole time while Aaron is there.


----------



## xKARENxBABYx

^^ same tbh wish FOB would leave me and aiden alone xx


----------



## bethanyrosem

I don't understand why they bother asking for all this time with LO when they aren't even looking after LO themselves - what's the point? Is it just a control issue do you think?


----------



## Marlarky

bethanyrosem said:


> I don't understand why they bother asking for all this time with LO when they aren't even looking after LO themselves - what's the point? Is it just a control issue do you think?

Yes I do think so!!! The day after I left him he came to my moms apartment ringing the doorbell for an hour until I let him in to see Aaron because he was going to call the police and have him taken away from me :'(


----------



## Marlarky

Yet he didnt want to see Aaron when I did live with him, for 2 months he barely saw Aaron. He never came home to us! And all of a sudden he wanted to be that "loving, doting father" Yet his mom takes care of Aaron when he is there. I dont understand it.


----------



## WhiteGeisha

KarenBaby - My solicitor said my FOB wouldn't get access until at least the age of 3 so I am really confused as to why you have been told by 2 different solicitors. Have you actually been to court and had this overnight visitation granted because I strongly believe FOB wouldn't get this.

OP, if you feel FOB is not looking after LO properly unsupervised then you have every right to reject further unsupervised visitation. If I were you I would make a note in a notebook about all the things you've described. If FOB takes you to court this journal will go more in your favour than just saying he what he did. ALWAYS keep notes I say.

Men are thick, lets be honest, so you could write down everything he needs to do and when when he has LO or simply make him do it all at yours now until you feel happy. 

IMO I think you will finder it harder to let him have unsupervised again if you stop if now after letting him. You could give me another chance but sit him down and say to him your pissed off and it stops now and you have written down what he's to do when and is to stick to it. 

MY FOB only gets supervised, but he can care for my daughter in the sense of changing nappy, feeding, dirty clothes etc. He lacks common sense and the ability to not listen to his stupid mates and be influenced/distracted while looking after our LO. 

But you are well within your right to stop him taking LO off x


----------



## mskellydenise

Don't let him take your LO...let him take you to court...in the mean time go an speak to a lawyer about your options


----------

