# Does it get better?



## babylou

Hello

I lost Samuel last week at 15/16 weeks. Most of the time i can kind of cope, but all of sudden it's like the whole world collapses around me. 

I know that the pain will never fully go, but does it get any easier? 

It's so good to be able to talk to you all.

Thanks:hugs:


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## Hellylou

I'm so sorry for your loss. :cry: There is no pain like it in the world...

It's been just over 5 weeks since I lost my little boy at 16 weeks, and in the early days it was like that - crying at the drop of a hat with no warning, feeling like the world had come to an end. I was also very poorly afterwards, which halted the grieving process somewhat, but I can say now that I am coping far better now, so it does get easier, even if the sadness and pain never goes away completely. I think it's something you learn to live alongside.

I'm sorry you have had to join us like this. It's such a sad way to meet but the ladies here are wonderful, and have been such a support over the difficult weeks. If you ever need to talk we are always here to listen, or you are welcome to PM if you prefer.

:hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

I'm so sorry to hear about Samuel. It's still such early days for you, I remember those days well and they were truly horrific.

I'm 17 weeks on from losing my daughters. Everyone is different, but I think that it gets easier.

At first I just felt empty - I didn't know what to do with myself. I'd spent all my spare time doing baby-related stuff and suddenly it was all gone. I was so lost and couldn't see how I would be able to smile again.

I'm still totally devastated at what happened, but, it hurts a bit less than it did in the very first days, if that makes sense. I'll miss my daughters forever, and I will never forget them, and won't let anyone else forget them either, but I feel ready to move forward.

If there is anything I can do for you, please get in touch by PM. Or if you just want to tell someone about your precious Samuel, I'm here for you. 

take care and be gentle to yourself xxx


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## daopdesign

I know exactly how you feel :hugs: It's been 4 months since I kissed my baby angel good night and lay him to rest. I too had my loss at 16 weeks so I understand what a painful and terrible thing it is you've gone through.

It feels like you will never feel better again but it does get easier with time. The thought of your loss will never leave you but it's important for your health and your family if you try to stay positive (sorry I don't know what other word to use) and look after yourself.

For weeks I would wake up and just burst into tears in bed because the reality of what had happend hurt like hell.

It will get easier hun :hugs::hugs:


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## kiki04

I lost Hadlee on May 26 at 16w6d and as my due date rapidly approaches what I thought I was doing better has completely fallen backwards. I was doing OK... but now, not so much. :cry:

I am so sorry you have to be here with us :cry:

:hugs:


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## ericacaca

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry. 

Our little girl didnt survive at 18 weeks back in March, around 7 months ago. It gets easier but at times you do get teary about all the shouldas, wouldas, couldas... you might notice theres a trigger for you. For me its my weight. My bump really hasnt been able to shift (I had alot of excess skin pre pregnancy from weight loss) so people who have met me for the first time ask me how far in I am and I get so emotional when I walk away from them. The worst part has been at my new school when the children have been HORRIBLE to me and called me fat which triggered the tears again.

It does get better and maybe one day (like me) you'll get a BFP again... 

Love and prayers

Erica xxx


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## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry. It has been 4 months since we lost our baby son. It does get better. You know at first, I thought I could handle it, and was very arrogant, that I would not let the pain and greif rule me. I was so, so wrong. It devastated me, and each day was hard, and seemed to not get any better. Then one day, the pain was a little less, and the next a little less. I then became pregnant, and am now almost 11 weeks, and am over the moon. I am too happy about this life to be sad. I think about Judah often. My due date would have been November 16, so we are fastly approaching, and I know that will be a difficult week. Lots of hugs, lots of prayers for you.


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## KamIAm

Hi Sweetie :flower:

Breaks my heart another has been thrown into this nightmare.... :nope: 

I must say, Welcome tho.. :hugs: You are definately in the right spot for love, support, advice and even for some good old venting ... We all have been there, in that same place as you hon'..... 

My Emma was taken from me this past March, about 6 and a half months ago :cry:.... At first, just as all the others have said, I felt numb...dead... all I did was cry... couldn't function...at all...:nope:

Time really is a healer... You just take ONE day at a time, heck at first, I'd probably recommend just taking minute by minute ... And, please remember to grieve and mourn YOUR way.... There is NO wrong or right way... I have seen that I feel stronger finally...and this just happened last few weeks... Once Emma's due date came around it knocked me all the way back down again, but I'm better :flower:

I'm terribly sorry Samuel was taken from you... if you ever wanna talk about him, or anything... We are always here for you!!! :flower:

Sending loves and hugs to you and lil Samuel ...:hugs::hugs:

I know all of our lil ones have taken lil Samuel in under their wings, showing him around...&#9829;

Just know, you are never alone ...:hugs:


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## MummyStobe

Fly high with the angels little Samuel xx

It breaks my heart everytime I read of a new loss and I'm so sorry that you have found yourself here. I hope you get as much comfort from being able to talk to the girls here as I have, their support is really helping me through this difficult time.

It's just over two months since Max was taken from us at 19+5 weeks. I still don't know if things are getting easier but I am starting to learn to live with the pain. I found the guilt to be one of the hardest feelings to deal with but it is becoming less frequent as time goes on.

Take each day a step at a time and don't let anyone push you to run before you feel ready to walk. Thinking about you, take care xx
Sending big hugs to you xx


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## jaykay

Hi babylou,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, I lost my baby boy Alex on the 1st September at 22 weeks. For the first month I cried everyday, now things are a bit better, but things still get to me. This morning I was in bits because I got a letter inviting me to 'parenting classes' through the post.

I have good days and bad days, I don't think there is any time limit, listen to your emotions, and be kind to yourself. I've surrounded myself with my family and friends and take time to do the things I love. Also it's important to look after yourself physically, by getting lots of sleep and eating properly. I'm also trying to stay as positive as I can.

Look after yourself, the first few weeks are the hardest, :hug: xxx


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## Andypanda6570

I am so sorry, it has been 7 months for me loosing my love Ava. There are days that I am fine and days i can't stop the crying, it is normal and it said that it could take a year or more just to get better/ our pain gets manageable that is it there is no getting over this ever, but there will come a day when we can all smile without crying, it will come this day.
XOXOOX Thinking Of You And Samuel :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

I'm so sorry that little Samuel has joined the rest of our angels. :cry:

It is almost 10 weeks since we lost Jakob at 22 weeks. There is nothing that anybody can say that will make it better for you but there are a great bunch of girls on here who know exactly what you are going through which is hard to find in real life so take advantage. We are all here to support each other through this horrible journey. 

Like others have said initially the pain is absolutely unbearable (and it still is but I have found a new kind of normal). I cried all the time at the start, both in my sleep and during the day and one day I noticed that I hadn't cried and an overwhelming feeling of guilt came over me and the floodgates opened again. Personally I wanted to hide from the world and it was only 4 weeks ago when I first went to the local shop. I was terrified of seeing people who I knew but didn't know about Jakob going to be with the angels. I still try to avoid some people but I have got a little bit better. 
Also in the first 5-6 weeks I had literally a constant 24/7 playback of events going on in my head and it was very hard. I still think about Jakob and the situation alot but its not 24/7 like those first 5-6 weeks. I am telling you this because you may go through this also. But things does get easier with time hun. You will never ever forget about your angel Samuel but as I said you will find a new kind of normal. 

Again I am so so sorry for your loss. Feel free to PM me at anytime. We are all here for you. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Hi Babylou, I'm so sorry for your loss of little Samuel. I'm so sorry you have to join us. I lost my twin boys 11 weeks ago on Sunday, at 20wks. 

The first few weeks are the most hellish time - I was also quite numb and there's a lot I can't remember about that time now. The pain gets more manageable, is the only way I can describe it - you get used to it and are able to control when it hits you to some degree (though it still gets me at unusual times and there is nothing I can do to stop it), so are able to function on a more normal level but it takes effort and is quite tiring. I think the spaces between the pain and tears get more and more and bigger and bigger until you have whole days without crying, then hopefully whole weeks etc (haven't got to that stage yet). But you will find the strength, surround yourself with who you need and accept any help you are offered, don't be shy.

I was doing quite well i thought but I've taken a bit of a backward step - I think a lot of it is the realisation that as mine were identicals, they would probably have had to come at 32weeks if this hadn't happened, which is next week. So you'll have knockbacks too, but it's normal and significant dates will affect you.

I'm so sad that another lady has had to join us but you've come to the right place, these ladies have kept me sane though the awful chaos that has been my life and my mind these last weeks. 

Much love to you, I hope your journey is as gentle as it can be and you get good support. xxx


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## glbell920

So sorry for your loss...

I'm so glad you found this forum so soon. It has (and I'm sure will be for you also) a place of great empathy, understanding and love. Being able to share Samuel with other mommies that know all too well the loss you have experienced will help you cope. Everyone is different and your loss is so fresh....don't be hard on yourself worrying about if/ how/how long you grieve or others expectations. Let the tears come, vent, be silent, journal, share with those who are compassionate enough to listen....including us  You will find your way. It will truly be a personal journey. As you can tell we are all at various stages of grief...but believe we've all been exactly where you are right now.

I also lost my baby boy (Gavin) at 15 wks 4 days. Today makes a full month since I delivered my perfect little boy. I've been numb, puzzled as to what really happened, angry, lost, hurt, disappointed, tired of the pain....every emotion imaginable. For me I found that keeping a journal helped me to process the emotions I was going through early on. This forum helped me realize that I was not crazy I had the same feelings and thoughts as all the other mommies here. It also gave me an outlet to share Gavin. You never get over losing your baby but honestly it doesn't have that awful sting anymore. I still get teary eyed sometimes thinking about him. I fully expect that one day I may have a complete breakdown but I know I'll recover. It's been most helpful to honor his memory so I buy little trinkets, display his pictures around the house so he always feels close to me, light his candle, say a prayer for him & trying my best to get involved to help others going through. I would give anything to have him here with me but God said otherwise. I can't do anything about that but I can always love Gavin and I always will.

I pray that you experience comfort and strength and know that Samuel is in God's hands along with our little angels


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## babylou

Thanks to all of you, you really are a supportive bunch :hugs::hugs:

We have Samuels funeral on Monday morning, so I expect to feel a bit out of sorts for a few days after that. :cry: Had a terrible time choosing music. :cry:

First full day on my own today, just trying to keep busy. School run later this afternoon.

xx


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## yazoo

Just checking in on you hun. How was your first day alone? :hugs:


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## babylou

Morning was fine, but had a bad afternoon. I guess you just get thinking when you are on your own.:cry: I went to collect my daughter from school and was fine after that.:thumbup: She keeps me busy!

Thanks for checking on me :hugs::hugs:

Samuels funeral on Monday will be hard, but we then have a holiday (planned pre-pregnancy) to have some family time together for a few days.

Thanks again xx


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## mhazzab

I will be thinking of you all on Monday. In my experience, it was a huge relief once the funeral was over, as I got myself in quite a state leading up to it. Let us know how you get on xxx


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## jaykay

babylou said:


> Thanks to all of you, you really are a supportive bunch :hugs::hugs:
> 
> We have Samuels funeral on Monday morning, so I expect to feel a bit out of sorts for a few days after that. :cry: Had a terrible time choosing music. :cry:
> 
> First full day on my own today, just trying to keep busy. School run later this afternoon.
> 
> xx

Hi babylou,

We found Alex's funeral extremely painful, but also very comforting at the same time. We had the most amazing funeral directors, and Reverand who knew exactly what to do with great sensitivity. Once that day was over, we started to feel better, and had a sense of closure, and that Alex was being well looked after. 

Keep strong, I promise it does get a little bit easier everyday,

:hug: xx


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## yazoo

Having your little girl will definitely keep you busy and keep you going. I know if I didn't have my daughter to keep me going there would be days that I wouldnt get up out of bed but I have her and she needs me so I have to be strong for her. 
My thoughts will be with you on Monday. As Mhazzab said it kind of is a relief when it is over. Don't get me wrong the day is very very hard but when you have his funeral you will have time to grieve without having to worry about organising things for the funeral. I also get comfort from visiting Jakob's grave so you will have that special place to visit him too after the funeral. I really wish you didn't have to go through this. Its heartbreaking. :cry:

By the way I absolutely love the name Samuel. If we ever have another boy we will definitely be calling him Samuel. 
:hugs::hugs:


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## DueSeptember

*You will have your on and off days....But as the saying goes, "time heals" and it does...but it is still sudden for a lot of us and still Hurts and always will...

Our Babies will always be in our Hearts...Take Care xo*


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## babylou

We had Samuels cremation yesterday, and although it was very upsetting:cry::cry:, it was good for us all. We had some beautiful flowers and my niece :hugs: read the Snowdrop poem for us. 

My 7 year old daughter chose not to come, but she did do a lovely picture for Samuel which is with him now.:kiss::kiss:

I know I'm going to have bad days, and ok days, but I know you're all out there to chat to when I need you all. THANKYOU!!:hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

babylou said:


> We had Samuels cremation yesterday, and although it was very upsetting:cry::cry:, it was good for us all. We had some beautiful flowers and my niece :hugs: read the Snowdrop poem for us.
> 
> My 7 year old daughter chose not to come, but she did do a lovely picture for Samuel which is with him now.:kiss::kiss:
> 
> I know I'm going to have bad days, and ok days, but I know you're all out there to chat to when I need you all. THANKYOU!!:hugs::hugs:

I am so very sorry for your loss. I buried Ava on 3/11/2011 and I was a mess . I just remember crying so hard that I almost passed out. We all are here for you anytime. Samuel is with Ava now, love to you my dear friend..XOXOOXXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

I am glad the day was good for you all. Samuel is with all our little angels now. :hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

babylou said:


> We had Samuels cremation yesterday, and although it was very upsetting:cry::cry:, it was good for us all. We had some beautiful flowers and my niece :hugs: read the Snowdrop poem for us.
> 
> My 7 year old daughter chose not to come, but she did do a lovely picture for Samuel which is with him now.:kiss::kiss:
> 
> I know I'm going to have bad days, and ok days, but I know you're all out there to chat to when I need you all. THANKYOU!!:hugs::hugs:

thanks for letting us know how it went. 
Thats so sweet your daughter drew a picture for him. Like yazoo says, he will be up there now playing with all our little ones, they will look after him, like we look after each other.

we are here whenever you need us xxx


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so glad you got through it and I'm sure it will help you on your healing journey. Hugs to you xxx


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## MissingRyder

My baby Ryder was also cremated yesterday and we were able to pick up his urn this a.m. I have a little bit of a relief knowing he is back with me but now I have other completely crazy ideas. Now i worry about my house catching on fire and me losing his urn and memory box. I also wonder how we will go out of town and leave him behind. Do we take him everywhere we go ..... Today after picking up his urn we had errands to run and I couldn't even leave his urn in the car. It wasn't right. I carried a large purse and carried him everywhere we went. I feel somewhat crazy ....am I?


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## Andypanda6570

MissingRyder said:


> My baby Ryder was also cremated yesterday and we were able to pick up his urn this a.m. I have a little bit of a relief knowing he is back with me but now I have other completely crazy ideas. Now i worry about my house catching on fire and me losing his urn and memory box. I also wonder how we will go out of town and leave him behind. Do we take him everywhere we go ..... Today after picking up his urn we had errands to run and I couldn't even leave his urn in the car. It wasn't right. I carried a large purse and carried him everywhere we went. I feel somewhat crazy ....am I?

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: You are not crazy at all, i would have done the same.. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs and kisses to you and baby Ryder..
XOXOOXOXOOX :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

MissingRyder said:


> My baby Ryder was also cremated yesterday and we were able to pick up his urn this a.m. I have a little bit of a relief knowing he is back with me but now I have other completely crazy ideas. Now i worry about my house catching on fire and me losing his urn and memory box. I also wonder how we will go out of town and leave him behind. Do we take him everywhere we go ..... Today after picking up his urn we had errands to run and I couldn't even leave his urn in the car. It wasn't right. I carried a large purse and carried him everywhere we went. I feel somewhat crazy ....am I?

You're not crazy, it's normal hon. there are wee necklaces that you can get that have a wee vial to keep some ashes in forever, I saw a thread somewhere about memorial jewellery, even a google search should bring up some. You can also get fireproof boxes to keep precious things in, I've been meaning to get one for photos etc, that's the one thing I'd be gutted if I lost really. 

You know he's everywhere with you in spirit though, you don't need any part of his physical being with you to have him close. If it brings you comfort go with it, but he's with you one way or the other. I hope that brings you some comfort. xxx


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## babylou

MissingRyder said:


> My baby Ryder was also cremated yesterday and we were able to pick up his urn this a.m. I have a little bit of a relief knowing he is back with me but now I have other completely crazy ideas. Now i worry about my house catching on fire and me losing his urn and memory box. I also wonder how we will go out of town and leave him behind. Do we take him everywhere we go ..... Today after picking up his urn we had errands to run and I couldn't even leave his urn in the car. It wasn't right. I carried a large purse and carried him everywhere we went. I feel somewhat crazy ....am I?

I picked up Samuels urn today (we got some ashes - this was such a relief for us). I took him all over with me today. However, we are going away for a few days, and just couldn't work out what to do with his ashes. I couldn't bear to leave him at someone elses house, so we have had to carefully place him at home. OH was not to happy, but short of packing him in our case I couldn't think of anything else....

I don't think you're mad :hugs::hugs:


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