# Wanting a baby so badly :( But not financially ready!



## sophiedaphne

Hi everyone.
My name is Sophie. My OH & I have been together for a little over two years, and we would LOVE to have a baby. We also both know it's not financially feasible; we currently have a combined income of about $85k, but I have $40k in student loans (we are set to have them paid off in 2017, when we will both be 30 years old :().

I am an RN who just graduated in May, and am currently orienting as a new grad. Once I am done, my salary will increase greatly (around the end of this year). We've discussed the possibility of him working part-time and being a stay at home dad for the beginning (he's an EMT/Medical Assistant), but he would like to also go back to school to become an RN (he has his bachelor's in health sciences/nuclear medicine)... so he could also do that part-time.

I work nights, so we are hoping that we can do the whole "tag-team" parenting thing... a lot of the nurses on my floor have done this successfully... plus, my parents are willing to help out (his live in another state). Obviously these plans aren't set in stone and shouldn't be relied upon, but it does sound like it would make it more doable.

I was wondering what you guys thought was a reasonable monthly income in order to afford having a baby... right now our expenses, other than my loans, are very small, and we keep it that way to be more financially stable in a few years. 

Just a quick introduction & hello to the forums :)

SD


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## MissN8

Hi welcome. We are wtt to be financially ready. I am ready now but oh wants to wait until next year. We have no debt so are trying to save as much as possible but its hard with living costs increasing. What date do you have in mind?


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## sophiedaphne

It's always no fun when finances are holding you back. I think we are going to start trying in two years, so maybe summer of 2016. I actually just heard back that I was hired at a second part-time job, so that will definitely help (will at least cover my minimum monthly loan payments each month), so we can at least pay off about 60% of our debt by then (assuming nothing major happens).

We've started looking at larger apartments that we can also make the transition into next year in preparation. We've been sharing a townhouse with another person, but are now looking at two bedrooms :)

It's exciting. OH is definitely ready... every time he sees a family with a baby or young child walking, he says, "that'll be us soon!" I just cannot wait.

I hope that you are able to soon as well :)


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## CaliDreaming

There is no set income that makes it affordable. It really depends on your lifestyle now and what lifestyle you want to maintain going forward. I know a lot of couples who manage on a lot less than $85K and their children's needs are more than met. 

I think the biggest thing is childcare costs. If you don't have to pay that then everything else is really doable.


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## Kitteh_Kat

CaliDreaming said:


> There is no set income that makes it affordable. It really depends on your lifestyle now and what lifestyle you want to maintain going forward. I know a lot of couples who manage on a lot less than $85K and their children's needs are more than met.
> 
> I think the biggest thing is childcare costs. If you don't have to pay that then everything else is really doable.

Seconding this. We had a combined income of around $60k a year I think when I got pregnant. I have around $14k in student loans left, and we have about $2.5k on the credit card still. Since I lost my job when hubby joined the military and I switched to being a SAHM, we make it on around $35k (and that's before taxes) without a problem. My student loans are currently on hold since we meet their hardship threshold, so I get to pay what I want a month towards it. It's going to take longer to pay them off, but I have the child I wanted so badly, so it's worth it to me.

Babies are as expensive as you make them out to be, barring unusual circumstances. We use generic diapers, so I can get a big box for around $13, which lasts two weeks. Daughter was 100% formula fed, and did the best on Parent's Choice which was around $20 for a container, I believe. Probably under $100 a month on formula and baby food. The Goodwill near us usually has a great selection of used baby clothes, so I shop on the first Saturday of the month when everything is 50% off. I stock up on her clothes for $1 a piece, and can easily get almost what she needs for 3-6 months for $50. (I don't see the point in spending full price on clothes she outgrows almost before she can wear them more than a few times - I know others feel differently and have to get everything new) For big purchases we try to buy gender neutral so we can just re-use everything for the next child. But most of that is optional too, as long as they have a place to sleep and some things to keep them occupied. Most places have big sales where people get rid of their old children's stuff for cheap - I bought a gently used Evenflo stroller with matching car seat and two bases for $75 at one, instead of paying the $400 it would have cost new. (I do recommend getting the car seats new, I just bought that one for my parents to have in case of emergencies and they needed to get her)

Childcare is the biggest cost. If you can negate part or all of that, it's really not bad.


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## apreslaube

Financial reasons are a big reason to wait for us - I want to pay off credit cards and save up enough. I just finished grad school, so I owe about 50k. Of course once that is paid off I'll have spent tons more than that with interest :(. We are unemployed right now, but we are finally getting interviews, thank God. Once we get jobs, we will be around the 65k range. A set income is definitely not a real thing when it comes to having kids. You just figure out your budget. Like CaliDreaming said, childcare costs are big. Here in Chicago, you are looking at at least 1k a month.


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## tverb84

I have students loan to pay off too. I think I have around $4,000 to pay back and right now I have no clue when I'll have children. :coffee:


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## Buffyx

This is the exact reason my husband wants us to wait a little while longer - finances! I am of the belief that babies cost what you want. I know my parents will go crazy as this will be their first grandchild. We also have 2 nieces and a nephew on my husband's side, and his sister said that all the clothes are ours :) So that cuts down a lot. I have mentioned that I am happy to keep working, and we both have pretty great jobs. We have built a house, and have paid for our wedding. We are also going on a holiday to Thailand in 8 weeks, so that's the traveling out of the way. I think we are definitely ready! Frustrating that we can't agree.


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## MissN8

Hi buffy that's the same as us I think we are financially ready but he doesn't see it like that. Plus it make take a while to conceive so thats even more waiting! Have you set a date yet?


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## prettybirdy27

I talked to a few people with children and asked them about being financially ready, and every single person told me the same exact thing - "If you wait to have kids until you can afford it, you'll never have kids. You'll find a way to make it work."

There is absolutely nothing wrong with generic diapers and baby clothes from goodwill. Try your best to avoid childcare costs. My husband and I agreed that he'll work nights and I'll work days so we can avoid daycare. It will be tough, but that's what we're willing to do to make it work.

My dad recently opened up to me about how financially difficult it was for them when my sister and I were children. I always had clothes on my back, food on my table, and a roof over my head, but things were sure stretched. However, they did such a good job covering that up that I had no idea until I was older. I remember us taking camping trips almost every weekend in the summer - recently I found out they were taking us to a state park campground where it only cost about $5 a night (this was, of course, almost 30 years ago.) I had no idea that we weren't well off - I just knew that I got to go camping a lot! So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it doesn't matter if you're flush with cash or stretching every paycheck, as long as you find ways to keep your kids happy and build great memories with them, they'll have a great childhood.


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## tverb84

Has anyone here used cloth diapers? Are they a lot cheaper than disposable diapers?


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## cncem

I think you guys have a healthy financial bottom line and I say go for it. If you wait until you are "ready" you never will be. My husband makes about 50k a year and I'm a sahm. We have two kids, ages 11 and 6 and another on the way. Baby's don't have to be expensive. I plan to breastfeed and cloth diaper the whole way through. Plus I use coupons and stock up on necessities so all we ever really have to buy weekly is food. We're not rich, but not poor and very happy with our lives and family. We don't struggle by any means. I think you guys have a great plan. Go for it! And welcome :)


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## Wnt2beAMom

Whatever feels right to you! We waited and set a date to start TTC and bam got pregnant. Now reality is setting in that maybe we weren't financially ready with losing my salary....but we will make due! :) we have about $9k in student debt left that we are going to make sure gets paid off by February when baby is due. We are also going to cloth diaper and breastfeed to help costs while on mat leave.


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## Buffyx

MissN8 - yes we have kind of agreed to wait until the end of this year/early next year. That's not much of a difference to me, and we will have no dramatic changes to our finances in that time - so why are we waiting?


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## Kiki1993

sophiedaphne said:


> Hi everyone.
> My name is Sophie. My OH & I have been together for a little over two years, and we would LOVE to have a baby. We also both know it's not financially feasible; we currently have a combined income of about $85k, but I have $40k in student loans (we are set to have them paid off in 2017, when we will both be 30 years old :().
> 
> I am an RN who just graduated in May, and am currently orienting as a new grad. Once I am done, my salary will increase greatly (around the end of this year). We've discussed the possibility of him working part-time and being a stay at home dad for the beginning (he's an EMT/Medical Assistant), but he would like to also go back to school to become an RN (he has his bachelor's in health sciences/nuclear medicine)... so he could also do that part-time.
> 
> I work nights, so we are hoping that we can do the whole "tag-team" parenting thing... a lot of the nurses on my floor have done this successfully... plus, my parents are willing to help out (his live in another state). Obviously these plans aren't set in stone and shouldn't be relied upon, but it does sound like it would make it more doable.
> 
> I was wondering what you guys thought was a reasonable monthly income in order to afford having a baby... right now our expenses, other than my loans, are very small, and we keep it that way to be more financially stable in a few years.
> 
> Just a quick introduction & hello to the forums :)
> 
> SD

Where are you from, in scotland student loans dont really count as real "debt" because it comes off as like 5-10 a month once you earn 15000 or more a year. Your income sounds decent enough to me :shrug:


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## Buffyx

Kiki1993 said:


> sophiedaphne said:
> 
> 
> Hi everyone.
> My name is Sophie. My OH & I have been together for a little over two years, and we would LOVE to have a baby. We also both know it's not financially feasible; we currently have a combined income of about $85k, but I have $40k in student loans (we are set to have them paid off in 2017, when we will both be 30 years old :().
> 
> I am an RN who just graduated in May, and am currently orienting as a new grad. Once I am done, my salary will increase greatly (around the end of this year). We've discussed the possibility of him working part-time and being a stay at home dad for the beginning (he's an EMT/Medical Assistant), but he would like to also go back to school to become an RN (he has his bachelor's in health sciences/nuclear medicine)... so he could also do that part-time.
> 
> I work nights, so we are hoping that we can do the whole "tag-team" parenting thing... a lot of the nurses on my floor have done this successfully... plus, my parents are willing to help out (his live in another state). Obviously these plans aren't set in stone and shouldn't be relied upon, but it does sound like it would make it more doable.
> 
> I was wondering what you guys thought was a reasonable monthly income in order to afford having a baby... right now our expenses, other than my loans, are very small, and we keep it that way to be more financially stable in a few years.
> 
> Just a quick introduction & hello to the forums :)
> 
> SD
> 
> Where are you from, in scotland student loans dont really count as real "debt" because it comes off as like 5-10 a month once you earn 15000 or more a year. Your income sounds decent enough to me :shrug:Click to expand...

It works that way in Australia too, but the US is very different and works just like a "normal" loan.


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## CantHrdlyWait

My hubby and I only make a combined salary of $65k. We are doing just fine. Babies don't have to be super expensive. There is no good time. It's so cliche, but true!!


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## Skyler2014

I have a four month old but really want another; I want ds to have a sibling close in age. Unfortunately we also can't afford one right now, probably until ds is on solid food. Mainly because I wasn't able to breast feed. Formula was the must expensive part. Babies really aren't as expensive as people make them out to be. Buy things used or on sale, serf your local swap and shop and free pages on Facebook. People often give bags of clothes away as well as barely used baby furniture. My uncle bought our crib and bassinet as a gift, my mom bought a diaper bag. have a baby shower, find out what kind of mom programs you're community has, and sign up for baby programs. Nestle sent me a diaper bag, newborn diapers and a can of formula and ready to feed formula. Similac sent two cans of formula (which really only helps if you're ff). I've supported two adults and a baby on my maternity leave income is only 1180. Plus, child tax, which only just kicked in with (back pay). I applauds you're wanting to pay back your loan, just keep in mine if you do decide to have a baby now, there are ways to do it inexpensively. fc that you don't have any issues breast feeding. I would be doing so much better if I wasn't spending up to $100 ($60 if i stock up at Costco) a month on formula


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## sophiedaphne

Howdy everyone!
Thanks so much for your advice.

I've decided to take 10k out of savings to pay down some of my loans. My boyfriend is planning on going back to school in a year to become a nurse, like me, and then we're going to move to Arizona, where my parents live, where the cost of living is significantly lower and we can have a mortgage on a decent sized house (for the same price that we pay for our rent here on the east coast)... and as two nurses, our income with allow us to live comfortably. So, we're making this doable! We have another 3 years here (this is one of the highest cost of living areas in the country) and then we're getting out, haha.


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## Buffyx

sophiedaphne said:


> Howdy everyone!
> Thanks so much for your advice.
> 
> I've decided to take 10k out of savings to pay down some of my loans. My boyfriend is planning on going back to school in a year to become a nurse, like me, and then we're going to move to Arizona, where my parents live, where the cost of living is significantly lower and we can have a mortgage on a decent sized house (for the same price that we pay for our rent here on the east coast)... and as two nurses, our income with allow us to live comfortably. So, we're making this doable! We have another 3 years here (this is one of the highest cost of living areas in the country) and then we're getting out, haha.

Good to hear you've come to an agreement. It sounds like a good plan :thumbup:


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## tverb84

Are there certain US states that are cheaper to live in than others? In the city where I live you can buy a house for half the price of one in Toronto or Vancouver plus a lot of older couples/people are retiring here because of low taxes.


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