# Looking for advice - UK



## BB_Fly

Hello everybody

I'm looking for advice,

My ex is currently in the processs of getting remarried & she has hinted that she wishes her new husband to adopt my son (she only told me about all this as I've been pushing for contact)

I have parental responsability & I've been paying maintainance for the last 5 years - but have had very little contact, this was due to the fact that when we split she moved 500 miles away (leaving me with all the debt) - over the years I've been struggling to clear it all while still paying for his upkeep (Which I finished clearling recently) & also an element of my own fault (Depressed/miserable & demotivated over the whole thing).

But now I've finally got the money to make the regular expensive journey & he is now at an age he would be able to interact with me (ie, visiting for his sake, not just my own) I wanted to start re-building a relationship with him.

I'm not opposed to him taking his mothers new partners name, or even him having parental responsability - what I am opposed to is losing my right to contact, on another note I also want to ensure I do what's best for him too.

On the surface me stepping back would probly be easier for him in the short-term ,but when he get's older & starts asking questions about his real father I'm sure it will get harder.

Frankly I feel a fool, as I've been very understanding when she's put me off visiting over the years (not that I could due to a lack of money), by implying he scared of strangers & still too young & it would be disressing for him.

Apologies for the wall of text,

John.


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## mindyb85

Even if her new husband legally adopts your son, it is up to you as to the terms that are set. So if you want it to be an open adoption where you can still visit and contact your son, perhaps that may be a happy medium. The same thing happened with my cousin. His mother remarried and her new husband adopted him and they changed his last name but he still had contact with my uncle and they hung out occasionally and kept contact. Its just like his family expanded was all. Hope this offers a little help.


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