# do you want to know sex of the baby after D&C?



## rowleypolie

so i lost my little bean a week ago and the doc asked me to come in today for a follow up exam. the first thing she asks is how am i doing and btw do you want to know the sex of the baby? my heart wrenched because i didnt want to know but the fact that she knows and other people know and i dont kills me. so i told her yes- and after she said it was a boy- my heart ached! i knew it was a boy- and now i am so confused- if i have a girl next i am always going to long for the little boy i could have had

so would you want to know- did you find out? did it make you feel better/worse? what is your opinion?


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## BrookieG

hi hun im sorry for your loss, i was never aware that you could find out hun, how far on were you when u lost your little one?? i would probably want to find out too but i dont think its a bad thing you've found out hun, you'll always miss your baby regardless of its sex....hope your ok hun xxx


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## Las78

Hun, so sorry for your loss.

I did want to know the sex of my little one, a little boy too, lost at 17w. I have 2 daughters and a step daughter so he was a very longed for little boy. 

I'm glad I found out as I could name him, it made me feel worse as I so wanted a boy although I'm certain it wouldn't have felt any better if it was a girl.

Hope you're doing ok as ok can be right now hun x


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## ladypotter

That just happened to me too. I got my results back yesterday from my D&C three weeks ago. She didn't even ask...just started talking and said...typical Male karyotype (spelling) and that there were no abnormalities. I just started crying knowing it was a boy. That is what I have ALWAYS wanted and I too KNEW it was a boy this time even without her telling me. (Not that I love my daughter any less...she is a blessing while dealing with these four losses), but now I will never have him and it just hurts thinking about it (I am tearing up as I type). I agree that it would have been easier NOT to know, but then I would always wonder...so I don't think finding out is bad all around...just makes it a bit harder for me because it is more personalized now. I never found out any of my other babies sex's from my three other losses, and this one is definately harder for me. :-( (((HUGS)))


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## BABYCAREY

Im very sorry for your loss!!
I would have liked to know what my baby was,not because i wanted a particular sex but just so i could have gave he/she a name!!
I wasnt given that option when they op on me that night.
How far along where you?
I hope the futures brighter for you xx


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## leaz30

I needed to know. If I had miscarried very early on, then probably not. It would be easier not to know then. But I was far enough along I felt that I needed to know so we could name her.


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## Liz2

Hon, I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:

I was 12w 6d when I MC and they said it would be too soon to tell the sex. I don't know if I really would have been able to handle it or not. I think if I was farther along there is no question that I would have wanted to know.


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## CAmomma

I didnt even know that you could find out the sex of the baby until yesterday when I read ladypotter's thread. My heart ached for her. I have my d&c follow up appt in approx 3 weeks, and it made me think if they were going to tell me, and Ive pondered this same question. If they are able to tell me, I would want to know, although I think it will make all the feelings start all over again, I think it will help bring closure. Im sure I will come back here when I get my results....btw Im sorry for your loss.:hugs:


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## Mrs Doddy

I don't know tbh its a difficult one. Part of me thinks that if we knew more facts about the m/c why and the sex of the baby it would make things easier to deal with. At the same time would I then be more upset that I knew if it was a boy or girl and more what ifs. 

I didn't even know we could have found out, we didn't get told anything no follow up no support info nothing.


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## rowleypolie

i am starting to find more peace in knowing- i was in shock when she told me and now i feel better knowing- we havent decided if we will name the baby or not- part of my just thinks the little guy wasnt ready for the world yet and so i havent decided yet how i feel- i was at 11+2 and i guess he was developed enough for them to tell he was a boy just by observation- they didnt do any genetic testing as this is my first MC and they said they dont do that unless its a reoccurring pattern


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## AlwaysPraying

I remember finding out. We lost our boy to a fatal issue at 14 weeks 6 days. The geneticist called me and told me the results of the diagnosis and asked if we wanted to know the sex. I said yes. She said, "It's a boy". I started crying softly and laughing, and blurted out of my tears, "I was wrrroooongggggg". I thought I was having a girl the whole time, everyone else thought a boy. 

I was really happy to find out and has put more of a human element to it. They always referred to him as "the fetus" and "the procedure", medical words like that. Finding out helped me to have the son I was carrying for nearly 4 months. For future pregnancies, I will always know I had a son, and I will always long for my boy, no matter what the future holds. Girl or boy, I would have longed for that child. Now I know he was a boy, and I dream of what his future could have been, but it wasn't. For me, he is in the best place now, his body was ruined, he had no chance at life, so those what if's don't bother me too much. But I'll always wish that it could have been different.


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