# So sad. Will I ever feel better?



## Beankeeper

I lost my baby on Tuesday at 14+2, my waters broke unexpectedly & that was it. The baby couldn't survive. 

I feel so broken and confused. I'm angry & so so sad, I just can't process any of it.

One of the doctors thought my cervix wasn't strong enough to support the weight of the pregnancy, which is maybe why my waters went. The placenta was retained so I had to have a D&C, which resulted in me loosing quite a bit of blood. 

I don't ever want to see anyone. My mum is coming round this afternoon, but I don't really want to see her either. It's hard enough having my husband and my son here.

Please tell me it gets easier xx


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I AM so deeply sorry for your loss :cry::hugs::cry::hugs:

It is such a hard and devastating thing to go through..

It does get better, I promise, but it takes time and everyone is different. It took me a good 2 yrs. to be ok again. I still cry for my Ava and I always will, but the pain has lessened, thank God..

I got pregnant by accident at 40, finally after 3 boys , I got my little girl :cloud9: It just wasn't meant to be, I gave birth to her at 22 weeks.. I really thought my life was over, but in time I was able to live again and for me it was the best feeling ever.
I know our babies don't want us crying and depressed, but it takes time and we all reach that point at different times..
If you ever need a friend I am always here <3 it will be ok...XOooXO Andrea <3 <3


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## Beankeeper

Thank you, that's comforting to hear xx


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## wildflower79

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. It's such a heartbreaking time to have to go though and feeling a whirlwind of different emotions is normal. Its been a few weeks now since I lost my daughter and I remember the first week was so incredibly hard. I can say things have got easier now. Although I have times where the sadness suddenly hits me, most days I feel like I can manage ok and even enjoy things again.

Just take care and be patient with yourself, you will get through this :hugs:


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## Mellybelle

I'm so sorry. I lost my little boy at 15 weeks and my liitle girl at 14 weeks a year later. I dont even remember the days and weeks afterward. It does get easier, I promise. But for now, allow yourself to grieve. :hugs:


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## nessaw

Hi I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost twins at 14+5 in Feb. It does get easier. It took me a month to go back to work. I didn't really speak to anyone other than my oh and parents for a couple of weeks. We went away for a few days which helped. I hate to say that a couple of months after I had a pretty dreadful month then back on track again. Unfortunately I've just had a mmc so am trying to get back on my feet again. Sending you lots of hugs in this difficult time. X


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## Beankeeper

Thank you for responding. It's a long road :( I'm sorry that you have all had to walk it too :hugs: xx


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## babesx3

so so sorry for your loss, i lost my son at 18+1... i remember that feeling of not wanting to see anyone... Not wanting to put a brave face on it, so hard when you have other children to keep up appearances for , when all you want o do is close your eyes and hope when you open them it was all a horrible nightmare...
Big hugs!!
It does get easier, but give yourself time, its been 4 yrs ago for me and i still have days when i just feel sad xxxx


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## Beankeeper

Yesterday was a bad day. I didn't get dressed, I only got out of bed a few times & I cried more than I ever thought possible. This is the worst pain I've ever felt. I feel like I'm suffocating & I can't sleep, or do anything. 

I know it will get better, but right now it just feels like that's such a long way off. Thank you to those who replied. It helps to know I'm not alone xx


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## Andypanda6570

Beankeeper said:


> Yesterday was a bad day. I didn't get dressed, I only got out of bed a few times & I cried more than I ever thought possible. This is the worst pain I've ever felt. I feel like I'm suffocating & I can't sleep, or do anything.
> 
> I know it will get better, but right now it just feels like that's such a long way off. Thank you to those who replied. It helps to know I'm not alone xx

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
Believe me I know exactly what your feeling, it's so horrible. I cried so much one eye shut closed... I never thought it was possible to cry that hard or for that long :cry::cry: I remember those days well.. I kept saying when will this stop, its a feeling of a broken heart and you cant explain it to someone who doesn't know.. I promise you with all my heart it will ease, just know that. I know it's hard to believe that, but it will.. In the meantime don't fight any emotion, let it come out as it will, those days will ease .XOooXO <3


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## babesx3

Aww big hugs beankeeper, how you feel is completely normal, you need time to grieve, just take each day as it comes xxx


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## Mellybelle

Just remember that you are certainly not alone. The ladies i met on BnB were truly my saviours.


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## tcinks

I lost my baby two days ago, October 15 at what I calculated as 13 weeks, but the doctors said 14+2. Also because of weak cervix, baby was perfectly healthy and I had no problems before this. It was such a shock, I'm still in shock. I do hope you are able to start your healing process, and perhaps we can help support each other. :)


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## Beankeeper

tcinks said:


> I lost my baby two days ago, October 15 at what I calculated as 13 weeks, but the doctors said 14+2. Also because of weak cervix, baby was perfectly healthy and I had no problems before this. It was such a shock, I'm still in shock. I do hope you are able to start your healing process, and perhaps we can help support each other. :)

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's devastating losing a baby. Sending you gentle hugs :hugs: :hugs:

Are you out of hospital now? My best advice is to take each day as it comes. When you feel strong enough then plan to do things, like taking a walk, or meeting a friend, but don't beat yourself up if you can't manage it. I'm finding the days I have something planned give me something to aim for, even if I don't manage it, while the days I have no plans, I just want to stay in bed. But also remember that everyone grieves differently, so what's right for one may not be right for you. 

Do you have good support at home? Xxx


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## Beankeeper

Just to add, it's been 11 days since it happened, and although I'm definitely not 'okay', it does get easier, little by little xxx


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## tcinks

That's good that it gets easier. I'm getting a little better each day. My husband and I have great family and friends that support us. It's been a great comfort.

I try to get out of the house when I can, especially if my husband has to work. Being there alone brings too much sadness. But I also am not ready to see everyone and explain what happened. I usually go out to a public place where I can be around people but not have to talk about it. 

Do you have children already? Is it hard to take care of them while going through this tough time?


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## Beankeeper

Glad your husband and family are there for you xx

I have a nearly 2 year old boy, he's a lovely little guy and has been gentle with me. It's probably easier to get out of bed with him in my life, because I don't want him to see me crying all the time & not functioning. My husband goes back to work tomorrow so I'm dreading that. Just going to have to keep busy I guess.

A lot of what we've been through seems quite surreal: attending the cremation, collecting his ashes, laying flowers. This shouldn't happen :( xx

Thinking of you xx


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## Nanina

This is all pretty fresh for me. On Sunday, at 18w3d I went to the ER due to some spotting and what I thought were regular muscle stretching pains. They quickly did an ultrasound and DH and I were so happy to see our little guy's heartbeat. The monographer then went to the phone and I clearly heard the words cervix and open. The on call doctor explained that my cervix was open. I knew it was way too early for that. 
My OB came to the ER and checked me and told us that mycervix was open and she could see the amniotic sac. They immediately inverted me...head down, legs up. Her hope was that the sac would recede back inside and they would put in a cerclage. Apparently I have an incompetent cervix. My husband and I were terrified. This was our second pregnancy. We lost our first at 7w5d. We'd never gotten this far and thought the second trimester was the safety zone. 
About 45 minutes later, I had a cramp...what I now know was a contraction, and felt a gush of liquid. I called the nurses and told them I thought my catheter came out. The catheter was fine, but my water had broken. 
My doctor explain that there isn't much to be done at 18 weeks after the water has broken. On Monday night I delivered a beautiful baby boy. The nurses were amazing and we got to hold him as much as we wanted and they even made us memory box with his information and hand and footprints. 
I do not know how we go on from this. He was perfect and something in me did not allow him to thrive. That is a pain and guilt I will carry forever. 
I know this was terribly long. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.


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## tcinks

Oh Nanina, I'm so sorry! :cry: This was exactly what happened to me, except I was at 14 weeks. It's so devastating. I know there's nothing anyone can say that will really help you heal. But trust me, it will get better day by day. I'm so glad to hear that the nurses were so caring, mine were too. They helped us make precious memories with our little boy. 

Do not beat yourself up over this, please! There was nothing you could do, no way to really know you have an incompetent cervix until something like this happens. You had no control over, it just sadly happens sometimes. :( I hope you decide to try again when you feel ready. And now you know so you can take precautions. 

Again,I'm so so sorry. Please talk to me anytime. Even if it's just to vent.


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## Beankeeper

Hugest hugs to you Nanina :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your baby boy. I know that feelings will be so raw right now, and part of the grieving process will often cause us to blame ourselves, but please know that there is nothing that you could have done to prevent this. There's not a day that goes past that I don't wish things were different, and I wish I'd had them check my cervix the previous week. But what ifs won't bring our babies back, and there's no way you could have known.
Please feel free to talk to us here, we are here to support each other.
Xxx


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## tcinks

How are you doing today beankeeper?


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## Andypanda6570

Nanina said:


> This is all pretty fresh for me. On Sunday, at 18w3d I went to the ER due to some spotting and what I thought were regular muscle stretching pains. They quickly did an ultrasound and DH and I were so happy to see our little guy's heartbeat. The monographer then went to the phone and I clearly heard the words cervix and open. The on call doctor explained that my cervix was open. I knew it was way too early for that.
> My OB came to the ER and checked me and told us that mycervix was open and she could see the amniotic sac. They immediately inverted me...head down, legs up. Her hope was that the sac would recede back inside and they would put in a cerclage. Apparently I have an incompetent cervix. My husband and I were terrified. This was our second pregnancy. We lost our first at 7w5d. We'd never gotten this far and thought the second trimester was the safety zone.
> About 45 minutes later, I had a cramp...what I now know was a contraction, and felt a gush of liquid. I called the nurses and told them I thought my catheter came out. The catheter was fine, but my water had broken.
> My doctor explain that there isn't much to be done at 18 weeks after the water has broken. On Monday night I delivered a beautiful baby boy. The nurses were amazing and we got to hold him as much as we wanted and they even made us memory box with his information and hand and footprints.
> I do not know how we go on from this. He was perfect and something in me did not allow him to thrive. That is a pain and guilt I will carry forever.
> I know this was terribly long. Any advice or words of encouragement are appreciated.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am so deeply sorry. Nothing you did caused it.. Please don't think like that, cause it could not be farther from the truth..I lost my Ava at 22 weeks, I gave birth in my home. Took me awhile to accept this and be somewhat normal. I was here in your place over 3 years ago and praying that what people were telling me was true, about time. It is true, the pain never ever leaves, but it does get easier.. It is just a devastating thing to go through, it challenges your strength:cry::cry: I am always here if you ever need a friend.. I promise the pain will ease, just give it time and be gentle with yourself..XOXOXO :hugs:


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## Nanina

I think you all for your words of support. We were so poking forward to all the memories we would make as a family. I still have moments where I can't believe this happened to us. 
Question....how are your partners doing with this loss?


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## tcinks

My husband is pretty heartbroken too, but we are both looking forward to the future and being able to try again. He's really busy at work so I think that helps to take his mind off it.

How are you and your partner doing Nanina?


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## Beankeeper

My husband is sad, but he doesn't feel it as deeply as I do, as he hadn't had time to properly bond with baby. He's remaining strong and supportive for me and our son, but he does have moments of sadness. It can vary greatly from person to person, there's no right or wrong.
How is your partner feeling/acting?

I've been planning my return to work in early November. My manager has been very supportive and we have put various things in place so that I can take time when I need to, and for that I am grateful.

I'm really struggling with not being pregnant, not having that amazing thing keeping me going & looking forward. My doctor has advised us to stop TTC for a few months. It's only been 2 weeks but already it feels like forever. I'm desperate to have a baby, and a sibling for our son. It's like torture.


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## Nanina

My husband is having a very difficult time. This has been such a long road for us to even get here. We deal with our grief in different ways and I worry at times about he'll cope. He goes back to work on Monday and I hope that will be a positive distraction.


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## tcinks

Ladies, I'm not having a good day. :( I thought things were getting better, but the past couple of days I've been physically ans emotionally drained. I'd hope the bleeding would have stopped by now, its been 10 days, the doctor said 7-10. I know every woman and situation is different, I'd just really hoped I'd recover quicker. I'm sore and tired and have a low fever. My midwife isn't concerned , she says it's just my body cleansing itself. I just want it to be over. 

I really need some encouragement. :cry:


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## Beankeeper

tcinks said:


> Ladies, I'm not having a good day. :( I thought things were getting better, but the past couple of days I've been physically ans emotionally drained. I'd hope the bleeding would have stopped by now, its been 10 days, the doctor said 7-10. I know every woman and situation is different, I'd just really hoped I'd recover quicker. I'm sore and tired and have a low fever. My midwife isn't concerned , she says it's just my body cleansing itself. I just want it to be over.
> 
> I really need some encouragement. :cry:

Hi tcinks, so sorry I didn't reply sooner. I thought I had but I've been away & had very questionable wifi.

How are you doing now? I bled for 6 days & then spotted for a further 5/6. It can be common for women to bleed for much longer though, even 3/4 weeks, but if you have continued symptoms I'd get checked out as there is a small chance of infection.

Emotionally it's difficult to advise. I've been doing okay when I'm distracted, but when I think about it or when I'm alone, I just crumble. Sometimes I still can't believe it really happened, it's so unfair and sad. 
I don't know what you've been doing, but I'm trying to get back to 'normality', but it is EXHAUSTING to pretend that you are okay & put on a face all the time, but then it's exhausting to face my grief too &#128532;

So sorry, this should never have happened to any of us xxx


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## tcinks

Thanks so much for your kind words, beankeeper! :) These past few days have been an emotional roller coaster, but I'm getting better. Today has actually been a pretty great day for me. Bleeding is finally slowing down, I have an appointment with a new obgyn in the morning, and I finally made myself get some things done around the house. I'm starting to feel like myself again, I just hope it keeps up! :) I'm not working right now because my days have been so hard to predict. I might try to find a temp job soon. I don't want to go back to my old one, and I don't want to start a new long-term one because I'm *really* hoping to get pregnant again soon. I'm so tempted to start BD again even with the spotting, but I'm holding out until I talk with the doctor.

Anyway, how are you doing?


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## Beankeeper

I'm doing okay, better than I thought I'd be. We've been down at a family wedding for the last few days, which was nice, but exhausting, so I've been having a bit of a cry since getting home.

Physically I feel fine though. I'm really tempted to start TTC sooner rather than later, but I was advised to wait as I've had 4 early MCs. But I don't want to miss this fertile period as we've been through low fertility when we were TTC my son for 29 months. I just wish this hadn't have happened. I find it hard to accept. Xx


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I am happy to read you both are doing a bit better.. It's an emotional roller-coaster.. Stay focused on yourselves and getting physically better.. I wish you all the best..I am so deeply sorry for your losses XOooXO <3


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