# definition of small baby - different to some people.



## Fiestagal

We went a soft play place today, Connor is 16lbs 5 oz at 20 months. One of the mums asked how old he is, so I told her and added my usual 'he was small when he was born' I don't know why I say that, maybe as a defence mechanism. Anyway she said her daughter was small too, only 6lb. 

Do you explain there size when asked their age? Maybe I should say he was prem instead of small as people interpret it differently.


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## AP

I normally say prem, if i say small i will more likely get a 'oh my cousins LO was small too at xxxxxxlbs' and then id just get peeved as it isnt the same thing at all you know what i mean? A bit like when you say LO was prem and the response is 'yeah so was mine, 2 weeks early :dohh:'


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## lozzy21

I usualy get "Oh shes small was she early?" even though shes not that small.

And then i get looked like im lieing when i tell them how early she was and what size she was.

I would say he was prem, it saves the other questions.


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## Marleysgirl

At our softplay meet on Saturday, Sherry & I were chatting to a mum of twins. Hers were 3 or 4 weeks prem ... she looked rather shocked when we said that Millie and Andrew were almost 3 months prem :D


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## AP

:hugs: lozzy why the heck do people doubt :dohh:


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## lozzy21

To be truthfull i would doubt some one talking about a nearly 9lb 35 week baby :rofl:


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## AP

Well... I'll give you that!!!! :rofl: you've certainly opened my eyes :)


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## lozzy21

I keep her neonatal discharge notes in her red book to prove she was born at 35 weeks :rofl:


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## Fiestagal

I think if I say he was 5 weeks prem people won't see that as being particularly prem but at 2lb 11 1/2 he was much smaller than he should have been.

May try out the prem phrase and see what reaction I get.


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## pink.crazy

Def go with "prem".. I get so frustrated with people sometimes.. "Yes, she was less than 7lb AND I was overdue"...
People still jump on the bandwagon with "Oh, my first baby was 2 weeks early!!!" or similar, it's annoying!


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## vermeil

I always present him by corrected age. (9 months instead of 1 year) Only if people insist that he`s small do I explain why. I know this will sound evil but saying matter-of-factly that he weighed one pound at birth usually shuts people up =p


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## Agiboma

vermiel im with you there i always use LO's adjusted age it makes my life easier and the conversation flows better imo, they usually tell me he's big for his adjusted age i just say ty and move on


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## rockabillymom

I usually just say Lilly is small when people ask. She is 9lb 4oz at 11 weeks old. I feel the same way plus everyone always asks if she is a newborn...


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## 25weeker

I would use premature rather than small as an explanation.

I couldn't even use hollys corrected age to stop questions. I would have to tell people she is a genius 4 month old:rofl:


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## Fiestagal

Adjusted age wouldn't work for us as he was only 5 wks early. I have joked about passing him off as a much younger genius child!


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## EmSmith1980

I use Anya's actual age. More to see the reaction of really nosey folk. :haha: The majority of them just stand and stare with their mouth wide open. :wacko: They don't believe me when I say she was born at 23+6 anyway. Like I'd lie about something like that. xx


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## Lottie86

I had it the other week when someone asked how old Findlay was, I said that he was 2 and they said "he's a really lovely length for a 2 month old isn't he" so I then had to point out he was 2 years old not 2 months old and then of course they did the "OH! He's very small isn't he, how much does he weigh? I know various children the same age and they are much much bigger and doing x,y and z " so I then felt I had to explain to them about Findlay. It's so not fun having a 2yr old who only weighs 8lbs more than he did when he was born! :dohh:


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## cowboys angel

I get asked if Midget was early all the time, or asked what she weighed. People who ask how old she is, I say "Well 6 weeks but she was a month early so..."


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## cowboys angel

I say preemie though


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## Hotmum

Say preemie =) 
I don´t get those questions anymore because my 34+4 weeker is almost 3 and caught up ! =D
But until he was 1 people use to ask too much actually =P hate it...

I knoow i ll be getting the same, stupid and everyone knows preemie questions now that I had a even younger preemie!
like:

- why she is so small?
- I know ! I had mine 2 weeks early ( I hate this one lol )
- why shes is not walking yet ?
- Oh my cousin´s husband friend ( because is always someone Lol ) had a pre E too and her baby was 6 pounds and 3 weeks early ! ( yes, double of my girl honey haha)
- Can she eat anything? 
- O my God, you had Pre E twice ? You don´t think about a third one, do you? ( can´t wait to answer : YES I actually do =D haha)

I know some people don´t ask to offend anyone, especially the age, because it a normal question, but as soon you tell the age they start asking more and more, some are educated and nice but most aren´t... =p


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## cowboys angel

> - why she is so small?
> - I know ! I had mine 2 weeks early ( I hate this one lol )
> - Oh my cousin´s husband friend ( because is always someone Lol ) had a pre E too and her baby was 6 pounds and 3 weeks early ! ( yes, double of my girl honey haha)

I HATE those questions!! IMO, after having mine a month early, 2 weeks is NOT early. 37 weeks is considered full term people. Jeesh.

Don't you love how everyone and their brother has a cousin who has a preemie twice the size of your own? Haha


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## katy1310

I always say Sophie was 13 weeks premature then usually at some point in the conversation I get asked what she weighed at birth so I tell them 1lb 13. I hate it though when people ask stupid things like "Is she walking yet?" when she was one year actual - she was only 9 months corrected then and too tiny to support herself....and anyway, how many 9 month olds actually walk? I know there will be some who do but not many! I've had this all along - is she crawling yet? at 6 months actual, 3 months corrected! (weighing about 9lbs!) 

I'm still constantly getting asked if she's walking yet because she's 14 months but she's still only 11 months corrected and is cruising so I think she's doing just fine but people make me feel like they are expecting her to be walking by now, grrrrr. 

Also, it's amazing the amount of people I've met whose husbands were 3lbs or 4lbs (it's not even the same!)


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## AP

I think (Fiestagirl) you have a sticky situation. I know what you mean - Connors weight and IUGR makes a big difference. And then if one answers not good enough , sometimes you feel you need to go into the whole story to re-iterate. Something I really couldnt be arsed with at times so I often lie about Alex's age. 

Then I ask myself - "why lie? I should be proud". So I go with whatever I feel like at the time :)

Most of my friends who have babies around 36 weeks went home with their babies right away, or within a week, and i will forever feel bitter that I didn't get that with Alex. A preemie is a preemie but a NICU journey vs going home within a week? I'd take the latter tbh, and I wouldnt use 'preemie' as an excuse for anything in the future. So I do get really upset when others make out that they have the same predicaments.

What I mean is - there will always be someone claiming to have the same :dohh:

I too often have to remind myself that gestation/weight doesn't determine sod all sometimes - I guess this applies to Connor and to other babies on the forum like Findlay and Summer.


God, I gobbled on a bit there. Think I'm having a rough patch I'm sorry. x


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## Hotmum

cowboys angel said:


> - why she is so small?
> - I know ! I had mine 2 weeks early ( I hate this one lol )
> - Oh my cousin´s husband friend ( because is always someone Lol ) had a pre E too and her baby was 6 pounds and 3 weeks early ! ( yes, double of my girl honey haha)
> 
> I HATE those questions!! IMO, after having mine a month early, 2 weeks is NOT early. 37 weeks is considered full term people. Jeesh.
> 
> Don't you love how everyone and their brother has a cousin who has a preemie twice the size of your own? HahaClick to expand...

Yes =D it is ALWAYS someone, of course preemies are not ´´uncommon``
Like here ( US ) 1 in every 8 babies are born ´´too soon`` but I NEVER spoke to someone who doesn´t know a preemie ( not only knowing but it is always a family member lol )

Yep and most of the time their ´´preemies`` are 37 weeks, went home after few days to a week and they were 6 pounds haha, I really don´t think that birth size matters ! Because my 34+4 weeker was actually almost 6 pounds =D, but did had feeding problems, apnea and had to stay 1 week in the NICU and 1 in special care... BUT GESTACIONAL AGE MATTERS lol

-----------------------------------------------------

SANDI I AGREE

I used to think that I had a ´´jorney`` with my first, I kind did, I think anybody who has a preemie, does, even if lasts only couple weeks.
BUT please ppl a week in a hospital is not a jorney, a 37 weeker is not a jorney and last but not least, if you had a relative who had a preemie MUCH better and healthier than your preemie don´t try to compare =) - support is something, comparing is totally different.

I said it before, if it´s a game and everyone is comparing I rather loose and have a healthy full term and be only comparing the nights that I was awake breastfeeding =)... Hopefully I can experience a termie someday...

PS. Now I am having a REAL jorney, 16 days in the NICU, still having Apnea and bradys, she is breathing on her own but still having some spells and because she is just learning how to suck I know she will be here for a a little longer, or maybe when she is done with her spells... 

- sorry got a little off the subject, haha


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## cowboys angel

When people ask me if mine was a preemie, I say yes, but that we were lucky. She was born at 4lbs10, was just shy of 36 weeks. Had some breathing and blood sugar issues, but those righted themselves within a day or two. Stayed in nursery for a week cuz she wasn't really eating right, but never hit NICU. I was extremely lucky, and whenever I say she was a month early, I always add 'but I was lucky, she never went to NICU.'

It was still stressful cuz they kept telling me they wanted to keep her for a couple weeks and I was a mess and it was hard...but I was luckier than most of you ladies.


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## Hotmum

cowboys angel said:


> When people ask me if mine was a preemie, I say yes, but that we were lucky. She was born at 4lbs10, was just shy of 36 weeks. Had some breathing and blood sugar issues, but those righted themselves within a day or two. Stayed in nursery for a week cuz she wasn't really eating right, but never hit NICU. I was extremely lucky, and whenever I say she was a month early, I always add 'but I was lucky, she never went to NICU.'
> 
> It was still stressful cuz they kept telling me they wanted to keep her for a couple weeks and I was a mess and it was hard...but I was luckier than most of you ladies.

Yea you were luck, but like I said too, everyone who had a preemie even if it is a short story like yours, she will always be a preemie =)

And you are nice and not comparing to anyone, you admit that you were lucky and I have to respect you for that :winkwink:

But you will see a lot of times, ppl who experienced the same as you did and think they had the most terrible nightmare...
like... r u serious? 
I had a 32 weeker and I am glad she wasn´t earlier ! I know that these ladies have been tru worse and I think they´re really strong for it !
so I am never comparing :dohh:
I am crying with my baby blues hehe, here and there, but when things get really hard I remember that I was supposed to have her at 26 weeks ! Not 32... So I did my best...


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## cowboys angel

Hotmum said:


> cowboys angel said:
> 
> 
> When people ask me if mine was a preemie, I say yes, but that we were lucky. She was born at 4lbs10, was just shy of 36 weeks. Had some breathing and blood sugar issues, but those righted themselves within a day or two. Stayed in nursery for a week cuz she wasn't really eating right, but never hit NICU. I was extremely lucky, and whenever I say she was a month early, I always add 'but I was lucky, she never went to NICU.'
> 
> It was still stressful cuz they kept telling me they wanted to keep her for a couple weeks and I was a mess and it was hard...but I was luckier than most of you ladies.
> 
> Yea you were luck, but like I said too, everyone who had a preemie even if it is a short story like yours, she will always be a preemie =)
> 
> And you are nice and not comparing to anyone, you admit that you were lucky and I have to respect you for that :winkwink:
> 
> But you will see a lot of times, ppl who experienced the same as you did and think they had the most terrible nightmare...
> like... r u serious?
> I had a 32 weeker and I am glad she wasn´t earlier ! I know that these ladies have been tru worse and I think they´re really strong for it !
> so I am never comparing :dohh:
> I am crying with my baby blues hehe, here and there, but when things get really hard I remember that I was supposed to have her at 26 weeks ! Not 32... So I did my best...Click to expand...

Reading what you, and the other ladies post, I am seeing just how lucky I was. 

Adding that to a girl's story I graduated with. They took her baby at 28 weeks due to a hemorrhage in her uterine wall. Her baby is a month old, and in NICU til at least July. And the past couple days has been losing weight. I have no idea how she does it. Or any of you. My baby was in the hospital just a few days longer than me and I was an emotional wreck not having her with me. I never stopped crying unless I was holding her. I even stayed at the Ronald McDonald House so that I could be in the same city as her. (The hospital is 35 minutes away only, but too far when we have just one car.) The girl I graduated with has another child, and is here in town while her LO is in NICU. I would've lost it...

All you ladies with stories like hers, different details or no, are so strong and I hold you all in such awe.


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## Hotmum

cowboys angel said:


> Hotmum said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> cowboys angel said:
> 
> 
> When people ask me if mine was a preemie, I say yes, but that we were lucky. She was born at 4lbs10, was just shy of 36 weeks. Had some breathing and blood sugar issues, but those righted themselves within a day or two. Stayed in nursery for a week cuz she wasn't really eating right, but never hit NICU. I was extremely lucky, and whenever I say she was a month early, I always add 'but I was lucky, she never went to NICU.'
> 
> It was still stressful cuz they kept telling me they wanted to keep her for a couple weeks and I was a mess and it was hard...but I was luckier than most of you ladies.
> 
> Yea you were luck, but like I said too, everyone who had a preemie even if it is a short story like yours, she will always be a preemie =)
> 
> And you are nice and not comparing to anyone, you admit that you were lucky and I have to respect you for that :winkwink:
> 
> But you will see a lot of times, ppl who experienced the same as you did and think they had the most terrible nightmare...
> like... r u serious?
> I had a 32 weeker and I am glad she wasn´t earlier ! I know that these ladies have been tru worse and I think they´re really strong for it !
> so I am never comparing :dohh:
> I am crying with my baby blues hehe, here and there, but when things get really hard I remember that I was supposed to have her at 26 weeks ! Not 32... So I did my best...Click to expand...
> 
> Reading what you, and the other ladies post, I am seeing just how lucky I was.
> 
> Adding that to a girl's story I graduated with. They took her baby at 28 weeks due to a hemorrhage in her uterine wall. Her baby is a month old, and in NICU til at least July. And the past couple days has been losing weight. I have no idea how she does it. Or any of you. My baby was in the hospital just a few days longer than me and I was an emotional wreck not having her with me. I never stopped crying unless I was holding her. I even stayed at the Ronald McDonald House so that I could be in the same city as her. (The hospital is 35 minutes away only, but too far when we have just one car.) The girl I graduated with has another child, and is here in town while her LO is in NICU. I would've lost it...
> 
> All you ladies with stories like hers, different details or no, are so strong and I hold you all in such awe.Click to expand...

Hahahah this thing is getting HUGE
I will admit that I was reallyyyy emotional when I had to leave my son too
with my daughter I was emotional, but it only hits me bad somedays, specially when they call to tell me something.

Let´s admit that having a baby is emotional ANYWAYS haha
But having a preemie is just a extra reason to be double emotional =)
you r emotional because u gave birth, u r emotional because (sometimes) you both survived, you are emotional because your baby is healthy ( a good emotional actually), you are emotional if your baby is too weak or sick.

Man this post partum hormones suck :wacko:

We are emotional even when we´re pregnant ! My daughter´s Godmother visited her today for the first time and she cried ( ps. she´s pregnant) 
The nurse was like:´´why u crying dear ?``
and she was like : ´´ because she is beautiful`` hahaha !


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## cowboys angel

> Hahahah this thing is getting HUGE
> I will admit that I was reallyyyy emotional when I had to leave my son too
> with my daughter I was emotional, but it only hits me bad somedays, specially when they call to tell me something.
> 
> Let´s admit that having a baby is emotional ANYWAYS haha
> But having a preemie is just a extra reason to be double emotional =)
> you r emotional because u gave birth, u r emotional because (sometimes) you both survived, you are emotional because your baby is healthy ( a good emotional actually), you are emotional if your baby is too weak or sick.
> 
> Man this post partum hormones suck
> 
> We are emotional even when we´re pregnant ! My daughter´s Godmother visited her today for the first time and she cried ( ps. she´s pregnant)
> The nurse was like:´´why u crying dear ?``
> and she was like : ´´ because she is beautiful`` hahaha !

There, we'll stop the growth a little, haha. 

Yeah, I was super emotional. And the stress was making my depression act up, so it was just a rough time over all. And the fear and everything. I'd been in and out of labor since 24 weeks, so all the fear and anxiety and everything just kept building and building...

I'm so glad and so thankful that I am able to have my baby at home with me. She's not completely where she should be, but she's close. I didn't get the pregnancy and delivery and 'after delivery' that I wanted, but I got my baby and she is beautiful and healthy and that's more than enough for me. 

Dang it I'm crying, haha


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## divadexie

I always say ''but she was 15 weeks early'' after I say how old she is.


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## Hotmum

> There, we'll stop the growth a little, haha.
> 
> Yeah, I was super emotional. And the stress was making my depression act up, so it was just a rough time over all. And the fear and everything. I'd been in and out of labor since 24 weeks, so all the fear and anxiety and everything just kept building and building...
> 
> I'm so glad and so thankful that I am able to have my baby at home with me. She's not completely where she should be, but she's close. I didn't get the pregnancy and delivery and 'after delivery' that I wanted, but I got my baby and she is beautiful and healthy and that's more than enough for me.
> 
> Dang it I'm crying, haha

I can totally relate to you =) I was diagnosed with PIH ( pregnancy induced hypertension ) at 26 weeks and at 28 Pre E got me again ( had Pre E in my first too). So bedrest+a lot tension+ a crazy 2 year old( haha jk I love my 2 year old)+ppl telling me that she would not make it+ in and out of hospitals ( actually I spend more time in the hospital than home I was always hospitalized for so many days and as soon as I got back home, I was going back to the hospital)+ everything else that u probably been tru too haha

I was writing a blog-jornal for my pregnancy+delivery and life in the NICU
and I was writing really good actually, this post partum thing is giving me new skills, but I was a waaaay to emotional so I am waiting a bit to do it :winkwink:

---- ok I am out of here =P totally off topic, add me so we can chat ;D or go to my thread:
introducing Yasmin 
(or something like this :shrug:)


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## vermeil

This is such a difficult topic, for me at least. A year later I still avoid birth stories because I just can't relate. i get upset and resentful when i read of happy normal births, how pathetic is that!

Every preemie is a different journey, of course. I always try hard not to compare to other parents. But sometimes I've caught myself doing so.

After the csection, as i was brought back to my room, there was a new patient there with me (we were two per room). She cried and wailed and bawled her eyes out for days. Over time, listening to her sob on the phone I learned why...her full-term baby had jaundice and was under uv lamps. 

That was it. uv lamps. My own baby was struggling just to stay alive. The doctors were very pessimistic he'd survive 24 hours; they were having trouble stabilizing him. 

I told myself over and over her pain was as valid and real as mine. Suffering is heartfelt and cannot be compared. But i found it really hard at times.

During the next few weeks i attended a few preemie support meetings at the hospital. A funny thing I noticed is there were three scenarios that kept recurring. (I'm just generalizing here, please don't think I'm categorizing everyone, this is just my personal experience) Those whose little ones were hospitalized for a few days agonized over going home without baby. They were often the most vocal ones, saying how awful it was to be home empty handed. Those whose babies were in nicu for longer talked about finding it hard not to be able to hold their little ones. They seemed less upset, more accepting of the situation. Those like me who had the more pessimistic cases were usually calm and quiet. I recall wondering if something was wrong with me. It didn't bother me at all going home empty handed, or not being able to hold my baby. The thought never crossed my mind. I realized over a few of these meetings that my point of view was just different. I was secretly annoyed (don't hate me!) of the mothers babbling away how AWFUL it was to leave baby in the hospital a few days. During an introductory round the other mom whose baby was as fragile as mine - her daughter had severe lung problems - was asked to present herself, and she finally spoke up for the first time. She echoed what i had been thinking at all these meetings. She said quietly 'my daughter is a 24 weeker, I just hope she survives'. That's how I felt too. 

Twice there were parents I knew in nicu whose precious ones didn't make it. I tried to tell myself I was one of the lucky ones. But it was hard. It just made me realize even more how suffering just can't be compared. 

For months after baby was born (gosh this is becoming quite the confessional sorry :dohh: ) I couldn't even go into a maternity store without a major panic attack. The sight of all those big bellies with parents distraught because they couldn't get the furniture in quite the right shade - it would make me SOOO upset I'd storm out. I literally couldn't breathe or see straight. How DARE they be upset over such idiotic details. I would have given anything just to reach 30 weeks. Well you get the picture :blush:

My best friend had to be provoked at 38 weeks due to diabeties. She gave birth naturally to healthy twins. In the months that followed she ranted at me countless times because she wasn't able to give birth at home. She listed off the many small things that didn't go as she had planned. She was very upset, this was clearly very important to her. I tried and tried to be sympathetic. i nodded gravely and agreed, went through the motions. Yet this was the period I had just found out my little guy might be paralyzed on one side. I admit I could not muster one ounce of sympathy, despite all my efforts. In my mind her complaints sounded soooo pathetic and trivial. Yet to her this was clearly a tragedy. When she asked my opinion i said quietly 'im just glad my son's alive'. I think she realized we were coming from such drastically different situations we couldn't really compare.

Why tell you all this? It IS hard not to compare our experiences. Now I just nod silently when people tell me of their poor baby who had to stay under uv lamps a few days :winkwink: At first I thought sharing my story would make them feel better about theirs. But it doesn't, it just made them feel cheap. So now I only reveal my own 'journey' if people insist.


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## cowboys angel

Now I just want to say I'm sorry for being all stressed about my preemie (I'm one of those whose baby was in the hospital just a few days, due to eating problems) and that I am in awe of your strength.


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## 25weeker

cowboys angel said:


> Now I just want to say I'm sorry for being all stressed about my preemie (I'm one of those whose baby was in the hospital just a few days, due to eating problems) and that I am in awe of your strength.

Please do not feel you need to apologise for being stressed about your lo being in hospital. It doesn't matter if your lo was in 1 day or 100 days you still didn't get to take your baby straight home which is what we had all hoped for. 

I would hate for anyone to read and think their needs don't apply because they don't have an extreme preemie. Any baby in neonatal no matter what stage is hard because as a parent you would do anything to swap places with your baby so they aren't the ones getting blood taken etc.


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## AP

I agree with 25 weeker . Sorry i looked over my over emotionsl bloomin post and im sorry i came across that way, i really meant that if i was put in a position where someone made out their LO went through as much I would probably need to put them straight. You dont come across like that,(cowboys angel) i dont think anyone here does, but there are people out there! ;)


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## cowboys angel

No need to apologize, I completely understand where you're coming from. My LO was kept because of drastic weight loss and problems feeding. People that go on about how their preemie (born at 38 weeks.......) came straight home my preemie must've had issues (duh) or people that go on about their baby being kept for an extra day cuz of their jaundice level or something really irritate me.


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## AP

OMG i just seen your ticker, i can't believe shes been here a month already! :shock: xxx


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## cowboys angel

You're telling me...lol! Hard to believe.


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## Hotmum

vermeil said:


> This is such a difficult topic, for me at least. A year later I still avoid birth stories because I just can't relate. i get upset and resentful when i read of happy normal births, how pathetic is that!
> 
> Every preemie is a different journey, of course. I always try hard not to compare to other parents. But sometimes I've caught myself doing so.
> 
> After the csection, as i was brought back to my room, there was a new patient there with me (we were two per room). She cried and wailed and bawled her eyes out for days. Over time, listening to her sob on the phone I learned why...her full-term baby had jaundice and was under uv lamps.
> 
> That was it. uv lamps. My own baby was struggling just to stay alive. The doctors were very pessimistic he'd survive 24 hours; they were having trouble stabilizing him.
> 
> I told myself over and over her pain was as valid and real as mine. Suffering is heartfelt and cannot be compared. But i found it really hard at times.
> 
> During the next few weeks i attended a few preemie support meetings at the hospital. A funny thing I noticed is there were three scenarios that kept recurring. (I'm just generalizing here, please don't think I'm categorizing everyone, this is just my personal experience) Those whose little ones were hospitalized for a few days agonized over going home without baby. They were often the most vocal ones, saying how awful it was to be home empty handed. Those whose babies were in nicu for longer talked about finding it hard not to be able to hold their little ones. They seemed less upset, more accepting of the situation. Those like me who had the more pessimistic cases were usually calm and quiet. I recall wondering if something was wrong with me. It didn't bother me at all going home empty handed, or not being able to hold my baby. The thought never crossed my mind. I realized over a few of these meetings that my point of view was just different. I was secretly annoyed (don't hate me!) of the mothers babbling away how AWFUL it was to leave baby in the hospital a few days. During an introductory round the other mom whose baby was as fragile as mine - her daughter had severe lung problems - was asked to present herself, and she finally spoke up for the first time. She echoed what i had been thinking at all these meetings. She said quietly 'my daughter is a 24 weeker, I just hope she survives'. That's how I felt too.
> 
> Twice there were parents I knew in nicu whose precious ones didn't make it. I tried to tell myself I was one of the lucky ones. But it was hard. It just made me realize even more how suffering just can't be compared.
> 
> For months after baby was born (gosh this is becoming quite the confessional sorry :dohh: ) I couldn't even go into a maternity store without a major panic attack. The sight of all those big bellies with parents distraught because they couldn't get the furniture in quite the right shade - it would make me SOOO upset I'd storm out. I literally couldn't breathe or see straight. How DARE they be upset over such idiotic details. I would have given anything just to reach 30 weeks. Well you get the picture :blush:
> 
> My best friend had to be provoked at 38 weeks due to diabeties. She gave birth naturally to healthy twins. In the months that followed she ranted at me countless times because she wasn't able to give birth at home. She listed off the many small things that didn't go as she had planned. She was very upset, this was clearly very important to her. I tried and tried to be sympathetic. i nodded gravely and agreed, went through the motions. Yet this was the period I had just found out my little guy might be paralyzed on one side. I admit I could not muster one ounce of sympathy, despite all my efforts. In my mind her complaints sounded soooo pathetic and trivial. Yet to her this was clearly a tragedy. When she asked my opinion i said quietly 'im just glad my son's alive'. I think she realized we were coming from such drastically different situations we couldn't really compare.
> 
> Why tell you all this? It IS hard not to compare our experiences. Now I just nod silently when people tell me of their poor baby who had to stay under uv lamps a few days :winkwink: At first I thought sharing my story would make them feel better about theirs. But it doesn't, it just made them feel cheap. So now I only reveal my own 'journey' if people insist.

*JUST FOR THE RECORD* =)

Idk if you remember but you were the first one who helped me when I found out about my 2nd time pre E ( around 26-28 weeks )

And surely your story gave me a lot of streight, today I am just glad she kept baking for another 4 weeks, but you were in my mind a lot days with your happy ending story ;)
So yes your jorney made me realize that I wasn´t in the worst position and even if I did, I could make it to the end like you did =)

thanks anyways :)


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## indy and lara

Now that Emma is almost 2 and has grow into a giant nobody asks anymore. She wasn't a hugely early baby, just 5 weeks and weighed a pretty good 5lbs 13. Despite the SCBU docs waiting for her to be born to whisk her away she didn't need to go to the unit. It was only when she stopped breathing 2 hours later that the crash team ran away with her. She spent 6 days in the unit before being discharged and was then readmitted 3 days later as she was losing too much weight and was down to 5lbs. So she wasn't particularly little to start with I feel but people constantly commented on her size right up to and beyond 6 months.

Bobo was only 454g when he was born at 23+ weeks. There is no comparison between the 2 to me. I am in awe of the LOs who have survived at these micro weights and if I am being honest, always a little jealous. 

I have to say though that had Emma been our first experience I think I would probably feel that her 5lbs was tiny. If it is your only experience then it probably feels worse than it is. For me our 6 days were torturous though because I had left hospital with empty arms once before and doing it again was almost more than I could manage. I know that it was nothing like those of you who have had to wait 100 days but it was very, very hard for us even if it was a relatively short time. Our SCBU journey was short but it felt a lot more as it was part of a much longer journey to actually bring home a baby.


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## vermeil

meep cowboy's angel please don't think I was trying to belittle anyone else's experience! 25weeker and sb22 said it very well (thanks ladies!). Every preemie journey is very hard and nerve wrenching. I'm glad to hear your daughter's a month old already! :flower:

I related my experiences just because this past year I've been thinking of this topic a LOT. How suffering just can't be compared. That woman whose baby was under uv lamps - was her suffering as valid as mine? Yes. Did I resent her a bit for it? Absolutely. Is that right of me? Not really :blush: What about a guy who's upset because his prized sports car is scratched? Or the neighbour whose yappy small dog passed away? 

Hotmum that means a lot to me, thank you! Made me a bit teary eyed ;) I remember coming to this board in the thick of things and clinging like mad to the stories with happy endings. I would read them over and over and stare at the pictures of the smiling healthy babies. Glad I could return the favor to other moms :thumbup:

indy and lara, well said! Thanks for your thoughts on this. That's pretty much what I was trying to say - those parents whose preemies had brief stays, their journey is just as much tortuous as you say. Was I secretly annoyed when I saw moms crying because they had to leave their babies overnight, and leave empty handed? Absolutely. Was I right to? Nope. I'm sure if roles were reversed I would have been just as upset and thought it was the end of the world. Which it would have been for me! :shrug: Hope this makes any sort of sense :dohh:

I've never really related all the awful events we went through because I always feel like I sound either whiny or braggy. Yet like hotmum said it does help others sometimes. 

Well! Back to the original topic =p Vincent is a year old and percentile wise is now about 2%. We're almost touching the actual curb now, which starts at 3% yay! :haha:


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## cowboys angel

I didn't take it that way at all. :)


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## Hotmum

vermeil said:


> Hotmum that means a lot to me, thank you! Made me a bit teary eyed ;) I remember coming to this board in the thick of things and clinging like mad to the stories with happy endings. I would read them over and over and stare at the pictures of the smiling healthy babies. Glad I could return the favor to other moms :thumbup:

Yea that´s why whenever I see a topic of 30 to 32 weekers I jump into it =)
I just want to return to others what you and these wondeful ladies have done to me,
I do agree that reading and seeing happy endings help SO MUCH and give us the streght of ´´keep going``. I am REALLY glad I made to 32 weeks and honestly I´ve been tru both:
a 34+4 weeker, 2 weeks in the hospital due jaundice and couple spells.
And a crazy pregnancy where my baby could be born anywhere from 26-32 weeks, a short NICU jorney - almost 2 weeks -( Thanks God ! I´m really thankfull it was short ) but well... IDK how many days left in the special care ...

It has been 23 LONG days(and still counting) without my baby girl, but I know is nothing compared to 100 days...
But from my experience I was MORE emotional with my 34+4 weeker than my 32, 
I think it was because I was going tru sooo much, crazy pre-e, I fainted couple times due crazy bp, vomiting every single thing, and drinking 4-5 litters to pee 1 to 2, extreme endema and even PTL was hitting me! 
Pain and baby getting less and less fluid (even droping heart rates at the very end) it was the worse 4 weeks of MY LIFE but I would *not change it * people were calling me crazy because many would just give up and have the baby.
But I knew that every day inside me was a BIG thing, so after delivery I was glad I gave my all to her, I did cry when I went home with hands empty but surely remembering why she was there helped me.
We have our up´s and down´s somedays I am smilling as a clown because she is progressing and some I am crying because she regressed a little.

now I realized that I was really lucky with my son ! 
But honestly if wasn´t for this new experience I was still going to think I had the most awful experience in my life with my son ( haha sorry It makes me laugh how I didn´t know ). It can´t be compared =(
So life make you SEE or FEEL worse situations for you to realize how blessed you are.

In my case, I *saw* and _fell_ and still feeling that sometimes we gotta go to hell to get to heaven ;)

But nobody knows what you feel like until THEY feel it :)

I think I´m having a harder time now with my daugther but I finally realized that she is great and I am thankfull that she was born at 32 not 26...

- k I´m crying hehe:cry: -


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## vermeil

cowboys angel said:


> I didn't take it that way at all. :)

oof good :flower:


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## vermeil

*hugs hotmum*

:hugs:


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## Fiestagal

Thanks ladies for your replies, I apologise for the stirring up of emotions. 

Vermeil I can identify with some of the things you have said about the categorization of mums and emotions. I was very much the image of coping and calm on the outside but inside was quite emotional if that makes sense. We all have valid reasons for being upset about our baby being in special care, although I have one friend whose baby spent one night in special care (not nicu) and then 3 days transitional care at her (the mums) bedside on a normal ward before going home and she still tells friends about her daughter's awful first week of her life in NICU, that makes me mad.

I think I see Connor as more small than prem, he was 36 weeks almost and had none of the premmie problems except growth and temperature regulation and a 4 week stay so sometimes a feel a fraud when you ladies have had a bumpy ride.

Gah, I'm rambling and not making sense!


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## lozzy21

I think if your childs hospital stay was not the norm its awfull for the mother no matter how long it was or how sick your child was

I know i was extreamly lucky with Niamh, especialy since she was in the NICU since that was the only spare bed they had with all the tiny preemies who were too sick for hugs when she only had jaundice and related feeding issues but when they start talking about blood transfusions "only jaundice" can seem bloody scary.

Any seperation from your child is hell even if its just for one night.

As lucky as we were her first week in hospital was hell for me, more so because i had been lulled into a fase sence of security with her being on the ward with me for 2 days before being taken through. I was lucky that i dident have to leave the hospital without her but at the same time i was stuck on the ward with babys crying.


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## Fiestagal

Lozzy - what I was trying to say was about people who exaggerate their story, telling people that her baby was in icu when she wasn't. I'm not judging anyone on here, I mentioned my friend as her story of events has changed from the actual version of events at the time. I'm probably putting my foot in it again!


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## Hotmum

Fiestagal said:


> Lozzy - what I was trying to say was about people who exaggerate their story, telling people that her baby was in icu when she wasn't. I'm not judging anyone on here, I mentioned my friend as her story of events has changed from the actual version of events at the time. I'm probably putting my foot in it again!

I feel your pain ;) 

my 32 weeker is ´´behind`` an ordinary 32 weeker.
everybody use to tell me that she would take MAX of 30 days for her to come home...
Well It´s been 25 today and nobody said anything about it yet and she still on feeding tube and lost weight this week...
so, well... I will wait till her due I lost hope about bringing her home earlier than that...

- And totally put your foot in her fake story if she tells it again ! haha-:winkwink:


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