# kinda dreading getting married



## 19yroldmomma

bc of the whole bachelors party. i dont want him to have one. because ik whats going to happen. doesnt matter if its just a party and theres strippers having one all over you and kissing you is still cheating. and he thinks its funny.its disgusting and id never touch him again.


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## Gemie

Maybe you should reconsider getting married if you're worried about cheating and stuff at bachelor parties. Marriage is all about trust, if there is none there is nothing. 
Just my opinion. X


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## 19yroldmomma

ok because im sure all married women or soo to be are like ok have fun. and they are ok with strippers. please. and its not even that theres no trust its that ik what happens at these things.


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## jenniferannex

19yroldmomma said:


> ok because im sure all married women or soo to be are like ok have fun. and they are ok with strippers. please. and its not even that theres no trust its that ik what happens at these things.

sorry but i have to agree with Gemie, Strippers etc are just abit of fun for them, all men like to look at other women (not touch, just look) theres no doubt about it, theres no harm as it happens everyday but the fact that you know its going to happen makes you overthink it iykwim? If Andrew wanted a stripper at his stag do then thats his choice. i know that at the end of the day its me he wants, its me who hes marrying, and its me who hes coming home to, not some random girl whos taking her clothes off. 

i really wouldn't worry too much, you cant tell him what he can and cant do otherwise the marriage is just going to fail, if he isnt going to cheat and you know hes not then i dont see any problem, strippers is what men do on stag dos lol! x


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## xlouloux

I agree with the other ladies, strippers are just a bit of fun for men AND women. Besides, strippers are paid to do exactly just that, strip! They aren't there to try and get your OH to cheat on you. 

Chances are your OH will spend the night thinking of you, on your wedding day he will be thinking about YOU, and afterwards his bachelor party will just be a distant memory.

Don't let your thoughts jeopardize the whole thing, obviously if you really don't want him to do it then you should discuss it more with him, but otherwise I would say maybe you could plan something to do for yourself with some friends or something if you haven't already. It might take your mind off it knowing that you will be having just as much fun as him! 

Hope you sort it out soon.:flower:


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## Tiff

Gotta agree with the other ladies! :hugs:


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## 19yroldmomma

hes not even into the idea of strippers. i talked to him bout it.


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## Tiff

That's great! If he's not into them then there's no need to worry about him doing anything with them, right? :flower:

I can understand that the idea of a bachelor party is daunting, they definitely get played up in movies etc. But he loves you and asked you to marry him! He's not going to throw that all away so he can muck around with a stripper (or anyone else for that matter) and if he does then he's obviously not marriage material. :hugs:

Glad you got it semi sorted out. :


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## Tegans Mama

I agree with the others, if you don't trust him, don't marry him. Trust is the base of a marriage, and marrying someone without that foundation is, IMO, not something a woman should do. :flower:


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## Irish Eyes

Sorry to be the odd one out! Strippers are only harmless if you both agree & not everyone does. I trust my husband 100% and luckily he's not interested in anything like that but I wouldn't be accepting of it. I don't see it as harmless & don't want my husband looking at women whose sole purpose is to turn him on - that's my job. However this was discussed at the beginning of our relationship so he knew how I felt.

If you don't feel comfortable with him having a stripper then tell him. If he knows it bothers you then surely he won't have one. We didn't have hen/stag nights as it's not our sort of thing but if he'd wanted one then it would have been fine because I know he'd respect my feelings and I would do the same for him.


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## pdmcd17

If you're worried about it tell him and set boundaries
I know for doh I said no touching lap dances just looking he accepts it
I trust him - it's his night out with the boys to celebrate getting married

If you trust him it will be fine


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## mara16jade

I personally think its disrespectful to have a bachelors party like that. :growlmad:

For some couples its fine and to each their own. But not for me. And if you truly feel uncomfortable about it, he needs to respect that. If you're not comfortable with him in that type of surrounding then stand your ground, and don't let other people tell you that you should be fine with it.

Now, if you just think that he's going to cheat on you when surrounded by a bunch of women - then you need to realize that whether its at this party or another, or a company gathering, etc. the temptation will always be there. And that's when trust in your partner is really crucial. :hugs:


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## mara16jade

Irish Eyes said:


> Sorry to be the odd one out! Strippers are only harmless if you both agree & not everyone does. I trust my husband 100% and luckily he's not interested in anything like that but I wouldn't be accepting of it. I don't see it as harmless & don't want my husband looking at women whose sole purpose is to turn him on - that's my job. However this was discussed at the beginning of our relationship so he knew how I felt.
> 
> If you don't feel comfortable with him having a stripper then tell him. If he knows it bothers you then surely he won't have one. We didn't have hen/stag nights as it's not our sort of thing but if he'd wanted one then it would have been fine because I know he'd respect my feelings and I would do the same for him.

Completely and totally agree.


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## dani_tinks

Yeah just tell him you're not happy with it, i've already warned my fiancé i'd be quite disappointed if he was to go along with his friends and do anything like that. It's not what he's like. Thankfully he'd rather put pins in his eyes than go to a strippers club. 
Marriage is about trust and communication - amongst many things; so start as you means to go on :)


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## Lauren25

I agree With the others!
I don't like the thought of things like that and no I wouldn't be happy but it's not my OH that I don't trust, I know if his mates got a stripper, lap dancer or whatever my OH would hate every minute of it! I still don't like the thought of it and I would be upset but It wouldn't be a trust thing because I know he'd hate it and it wouldn't be his idea


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## Irish Eyes

Lauren you're completely right that it's not a trust thing. Do I worry that my husband is going to run off with a stripper, of course not! Do I think it's appropriate for a "taken" man to be staring at naked women dancing for them, hell no! It's the same for me though, I wouldn't go see a stripper either.


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## 3xscharmer

I had the same issue, I was worried about it because how do strippers fall into it anyways? I mean your getting married, your going to spend the rest of you life with the woman you love, so lets go see some other naked women dance around until we're turned on??? Nope, don't think so buddy! I told DH how I felt and informed him that we would not be getting married if he had them, he decided since our bachalor/bachalorette parties were a full week before the wedding that I should come to his bachalor party when mine was over and spend the night with him...when I got there he was drunk and there were no strippers in sight lol! He has never to my knowledge been to a strip club and has told me he has no desire to go.


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## Erinsmummy

My fiancé and I have agreed no strippers for either of us. Nothing to do with trust, he's not into that and neither am I. If you don't like it you have every right to tell him strippers r a no no. He should respect that. I wouldn't marry someone who did that knowing how I felt about it.


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## Tiff

I don't know, I'd never outright tell my husband he couldn't do something that he wanted to. :shrug: Who am I to tell him what he can and can't do? I would be LIVID if he came up to me and forbade me from doing something. There's no way in hell that would fly with me!

If I was upset or against something, of course I would say so. I'd state my reasons. One of the great things about my guy is that he understands and listens... so if I was seriously opposed to something he probably wouldn't do it. Just as I wouldn't do something that he was seriously opposed to.

I guess I just don't understand the 'Oh, I'd tell him no and he better respect it' mentality. Honestly, if he ever tried that on me my first thought would be how DARE he! :shrug:


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## 3xscharmer

Tiff said:


> I don't know, I'd never outright tell my husband he couldn't do something that he wanted to. :shrug: Who am I to tell him what he can and can't do? I would be LIVID if he came up to me and forbade me from doing something. There's no way in hell that would fly with me!
> 
> If I was upset or against something, of course I would say so. I'd state my reasons. One of the great things about my guy is that he understands and listens... so if I was seriously opposed to something he probably wouldn't do it. Just as I wouldn't do something that he was seriously opposed to.
> 
> I guess I just don't understand the 'Oh, I'd tell him no and he better respect it' mentality. Honestly, if he ever tried that on me my first thought would be how DARE he! :shrug:

Mine wasn't a No and you'd better respect it, as much as it was a "if you don't respect my feelings there's no future for us". Course it really wasn't an issue between the two of us as it was his step-dad picking on me about it and purposly pushing my buttons trying to upset me...DH never actually said anything about it until we had our talk and then he told his step-dad to shut up when he mentioned it again. Course I didn't know where DH stood on it and had I known that he had no desire to have strippers anyway, then I prolly wouldn't have even mentioned it at all.


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## aly888

If you aren't comfortable with your OH having a stripper at his stag/bachelors party then really the only thing you can do is talk to him about it. Tell him you wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that was going to happen. Make it clear that it's not about trusting him etc but more of a betrayal. And let him tell you any worries he may have about your hen/bachelorette party :thumbup: To be perfectly honest, films do make things worse. Strippers (in UK at least) are generally not attractive at all. Usually aging/scrawny/saggy women and not the 5'10 toned and tanned specimens that Hollywood would have us (or the men) believe, so if he did have one there's no doubt he'd be bitterly disappointed. 

Personally, where my OHs stag do is concerned, the less I know the better. I don't want to know what goes on or what he's having. Ignorance is bliss, and at the end of the day, if he wants to do the dirty with someone like that then me saying 'no' isn't going to stop him :shrug:


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## Tiff

3xscharmer said:


> Tiff said:
> 
> 
> I don't know, I'd never outright tell my husband he couldn't do something that he wanted to. :shrug: Who am I to tell him what he can and can't do? I would be LIVID if he came up to me and forbade me from doing something. There's no way in hell that would fly with me!
> 
> If I was upset or against something, of course I would say so. I'd state my reasons. One of the great things about my guy is that he understands and listens... so if I was seriously opposed to something he probably wouldn't do it. Just as I wouldn't do something that he was seriously opposed to.
> 
> I guess I just don't understand the 'Oh, I'd tell him no and he better respect it' mentality. Honestly, if he ever tried that on me my first thought would be how DARE he! :shrug:
> 
> Mine wasn't a No and you'd better respect it, as much as it was a "if you don't respect my feelings there's no future for us". Course it really wasn't an issue between the two of us as it was his step-dad picking on me about it and purposly pushing my buttons trying to upset me...DH never actually said anything about it until we had our talk and then he told his step-dad to shut up when he mentioned it again. Course I didn't know where DH stood on it and had I known that he had no desire to have strippers anyway, then I prolly wouldn't have even mentioned it at all.Click to expand...


Wasn't meaning to single you out hunny, it was more just the general feeling of some of the posts. :flower: 

That's very unfair of his stepdad though to tease you about something to purposely upset you. I'll never understand why people think that's okay. :shrug:


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## BabiesOneDay

Curious how this turned out for you? I'm in the same boat now. I totally trust my OH. I do NOT, never have, and never will, trust his "friends". Mine is a bit of a double-whammy. The stripper thing, I am against because I too feel looking at a naked woman is not okay when you're taken. He got to do that before me. Those were his "glory days". They were over when he met me as far as I'm concerned. 

The double-whammy... OH is a product of two alcoholics, and is just now getting to a place where he's getting in better control of himself. We'll refer to it I suppose as more of a social drinking/control/can't stop when he starts kind of problem than full blown alcoholism right now. His friends are not aware of his struggles.

So, what is a bachelor party if not strippers and booze? In my case, seems like he should forego one all today. Idk if this would bother him or not. I don't want a bachelorette. We've considered eloping anyway, but a planned elopement, so I know people would know we are marrying, and I know his friends would try to do a bachelor party. THAT would likely me the part he would have trouble with... explaining to them why we aren't doing them :/

Ugh


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## Cowgirl07

My dh never had a stripper, I wasn't completely for him having one. So one night we sat down and discussed it. I would never forbid him to have one, because if he forbade me to go out or something I would be mad. He decided along with his best man not to have one. He had been to a strip joint when he turned 18, he said they aren't worth it. So instead of that they went and shot trap, had a bbq and then they went to the bars. I think there are plenty of options besides the typical strippers and bars. Maybe have a coed shower/party at a park or something.


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## Tiff

Cowgirl07 said:


> My dh never had a stripper, I wasn't completely for him having one. So one night we sat down and discussed it. I would never forbid him to have one, because if he forbade me to go out or something I would be mad. He decided along with his best man not to have one. He had been to a strip joint when he turned 18, he said they aren't worth it. So instead of that they went and shot trap, had a bbq and then they went to the bars. I think there are plenty of options besides the typical strippers and bars. Maybe have a coed shower/party at a park or something.


True! My husband's "bachelor party" was him and a bunch of friends spending the weekend at a white water rafting camp. They got there Friday night, yes there was some drinking, but they had to be at breakfast by 6am the next morning as their first foray out into the river was at 7am. They spent ALL day in the river, exhausted by the time they were done and all had an early night ha ha.

There are definitely ways for him to have a bachelor party that doesn't include booze and strippers. :flower:


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## Mummy May

I'm not accepting of it either and my oh wasn't accepting of me having a stripper either - but in my eyes they're vile and tacky haha. We decided together that we each wont do that xx


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## mrs owl

Mummy May said:


> I'm not accepting of it either and my oh wasn't accepting of me having a stripper either - but in my eyes they're vile and tacky haha. We decided together that we each wont do that xx

totally agree...I have much better ways to spend my money than to visit a strip club


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