# Feeling low



## bobster

I found out today a friend is expecting a girl a couple of months after me. I couldn't help but burst into tears when she send me the news on text. It's not that I'm not happy for her because I am but I feel I can't cope with the sadness I feel at not having a daughter of my own. I feel so bitter that other people get it so easily and I want it so much but can't have one. I'm a girly girl and have always dreamt of having a daughter. Not just to dress in nice clothes but to have that connection and bond with. I'm expecting my second boy at the moment and I'm dreading spending my maternity leave with 2 friends now who are both having girls. I don't want to see them or spend time with them as I feel so sad. 

My OH is the only one who knows how I feel but he doesn't really understand. I think he feels angry that I get upset as he thinks I am not grateful for our second boy. He also feels bad because he knows how sad I am and can't change it which I hate. 

Feel like I just want this baby out and I'm not enjoying the pregnancy at all. I don't feel a connection with him. I love my ds so much and wouldn't change him for the world but I can't imagine feeling that way about this one. I'm scared I will just resent him and won't bond when he's here. I feel awful for feeling this way :( 

How do I overcome this grief as it's making me so sad on a daily basis. I'm having to pretend to everyone I know that I'm happy but really I just feel depressed.


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## Jerseygirl7

I am sure once he is here you will bond instantly and love him as much as your 1st ds. Just seeing how tiny and precious they are, and how much they depend on you. It will also be lovely for your 1st ds to have a brother to grow up with. Try to look at the positives, I know this is hard. I have 4 fab boys and am pregnant at the moment; I find out a week today. I wouldn't change any of my boys, of course it would be lovely to have a girl this time but I have to think about the people out there who can't have children and have poorly children and it brings me straight back down to earth to realise how blessed I have been to have 4 boys and this new baby on the way. If I don't have a girl this time then it is just meant to be. You will find a way through it. Speak to your midwife or see if you can get some counselling with someone impartial to help sort through your feelings. Take care.


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## donnarobinson

I have three boys the youngest is 3 weeks old he's perfect 
I cried my eyes out when I found out he was a boy it passed within hours I wouldn't change him for the world he's amazing I'm sure you'll love him just as much X


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## bobster

Thanks for your replies. I think I was having a particularly hard day as that friend wanted a girl and got her girl and another friend is pregnant with a girl too. It's the thought of being surrounded by all these girls and feeling jealous which I can't stand. Hate that trait in people and hate that I have it. But I know I will love him and bond with him and won't swap him when he's here. I just feel sad for not having that girl I always dreamt off since being a little girl myself. It's just a different path to the one I imagined.

I hope your hear pink at your scan jerseygirl but glad you feel positive either way. And congrats on your third boy Donna, if it's the one in the picture he's beautiful x


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## Jerseygirl7

Hi, had gender scan and we have 5th boy on the way!!


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## bobster

I'm sorry Jerseygirl that you didn't hear girl at your scan. Congratulations on another beautiful baby boy though.


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## donnarobinson

Thanks Hun that's him he's truely amazing and I'm so grateful to have himx.


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## cheerios

Hey Hun, I feel u. I'm pregnant with my third boy and as much as I feel more at peace and accepting of having 3 boys in my family, I still feel a tinge of sadness whenever I walk pass the girls' section of baby wear. I think it's something that might always be there, but I also think we'll definitely bond with our boys once they are born. 

I try to think of how my boys will have a whale of a time growing up together. And I believe there's a reason and purpose why we can't choose gender on our own. 

Do u intend to have a 3rd child? I always thought I wanted to close shop with 3 kids, but I never really thought I'd end up with all 3 of the same gender. So I'm still very open to having a 4th, but I'm absolutely positive 4 is our absolute max that we'll have.


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## bobster

Thanks Cheerios. Congratulations on another healthy baby boy. I feel that sadness when looking at girls clothes as they are so pretty. Boys stuff all looks the same and some of its quite boring. It's sunk in a bit for me now but I still think I'll find it a bit hard when hanging out with my friends who are having girls when I'm off. 

Only ever planned on having 2 but now considering suggesting a third to my OH. Think he will take a bit of persuading though. Going to wait until the hard bit is out of the way and we're settled as a family of 4 before planting the seed haha! I'm just terrified of feeling like this again which puts me off a bit. 

Is your hubby happy to go for a 4th? Have you considered swaying? Think I'm going to give it a go as I've been reading about it and I have a very typical boy friendly lifestyle. Worth a shot.


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## cheerios

bobster said:


> Thanks Cheerios. Congratulations on another healthy baby boy. I feel that sadness when looking at girls clothes as they are so pretty. Boys stuff all looks the same and some of its quite boring. It's sunk in a bit for me now but I still think I'll find it a bit hard when hanging out with my friends who are having girls when I'm off.
> 
> Only ever planned on having 2 but now considering suggesting a third to my OH. Think he will take a bit of persuading though. Going to wait until the hard bit is out of the way and we're settled as a family of 4 before planting the seed haha! I'm just terrified of feeling like this again which puts me off a bit.
> 
> Is your hubby happy to go for a 4th? Have you considered swaying? Think I'm going to give it a go as I've been reading about it and I have a very typical boy friendly lifestyle. Worth a shot.

Oh yes. I know exactly how u feel about wanting to try for one more for a girl. I think it's something that only Moms of all boys can understand.

I've heard of swaying but actually I think my first boy was conceived before ovulation- which should have increased the chance of a girl! So I don't think so much about it. 

My hubby definitely will go for one more if he knows it'd be a girl. Hah. But he's open about a 4th. Although I haven't given birth yet, so that's like counting our eggs before they hatch! We'll see how 3rd baby is like. 

Oh and about not wanting to feel like this, I know how that feels too! I'm seriously thinking of going team yellow if I did go for a 4th. That would save me the emotional ups and downs of knowing before baby is born.


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## Scarlett2

cheerios said:


> Oh and about not wanting to feel like this, I know how that feels too! I'm seriously thinking of going team yellow if I did go for a 4th. That would save me the emotional ups and downs of knowing before baby is born.

This is me - except with my third. I had to convince DH into our third. Now, ironically, he's more bothered about having a girl than I am. I think he thinks that if he's been persuaded into it, this baby had better be a girl! 

I am team yellow. This time I just felt that it would be better to deal with another boy on the day it's born. It doesn't stop me occasionally worrying that I will feel disappointed, but mostly now I just feel peaceful about it. I am fed up of people asking me what we're having and then being told "you have amazing restraint... I would never be able to wait in your position" and I got a bit irritated the other day when I looked at all our blue baby clothes and realised there was no point in washing them yet (although I fortunately have a bunch of neutral clothes too) but mostly I feel very secure that we've made the right decision. 

Anyway.... Congratulations on your babies everyone. Like you all I think that if it's meant to be then it's meant to be... It doesn't stop us all feeling a bit envious when passing the pink baby section in the shops though...


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## bobster

Scarlett when are you due? You will have to update us. I have everything crossed for you that it's a girl but you are right if it's a third boy he was clearly meant to be. 

For me personally I worried that it would have affected my bond at birth so I had to find out and I'm glad I did. I think I would if we have another too but I think I'd go for a gender scan on my own so I could prepare myself. Last time we had a gender scan I was so stressed about it we fell out before we went and then we got there and they said boy and I had to plaster a smile on my face and OH knew I was upset. I cried all the way home. It was such a stressful day.

Cheerios you are lucky your hubby will go for another. I know mine would too if it would be a guaranteed girl but he doesn't think that it's worth the risk. 

According to info I've read on swaying the timing of dtd doesn't seem to make much difference. Apparently if you have a diet high in fat, nutrients and protein you are more boy friendly. Also eating frequently so maintaining higher blood sugars. Also a lot of bd'ing in the fertile period sways boy. This is me both times I've conceived! Noticed that people with girls seem to be people who diet a lot or generally eat low fat... Maybe it's a coincidence though. It would be so nice to have some influence on it


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## kittylady

I don't diet or eat low fat but I still have 2 girls :/


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## cheerios

Interesting to hear about the diet thing. I actually heard that if one eats more greens, one has a higher chance of boy. So that sounds like healthy living to me!


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## bobster

I think they think of it as in a high fat meal like a burger with chips is much more nutrient rich than a low fat meal even if the low fat meal is healthier. They advise to try and avoid high nutrient foods where possible or just skin your fruit/veg as that's where most of the goodness is but I think avoiding protein rich and fatty foods is more important from what I've read. 

I have meat with every meal pretty much and I love high fat high salty foods so according to this theory I'm very boy friendly. I think I'll find it a challenge to go low fat and low protein but I'm going to try after this little one is born. If nothing else it will be nice to lose some weight! They also say regular cardio is good for girls but I think that's probably out for me with 2 little boys to run around after all day!


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## cheerios

bobster said:


> I think they think of it as in a high fat meal like a burger with chips is much more nutrient rich than a low fat meal even if the low fat meal is healthier. They advise to try and avoid high nutrient foods where possible or just skin your fruit/veg as that's where most of the goodness is but I think avoiding protein rich and fatty foods is more important from what I've read.
> 
> I have meat with every meal pretty much and I love high fat high salty foods so according to this theory I'm very boy friendly. I think I'll find it a challenge to go low fat and low protein but I'm going to try after this little one is born. If nothing else it will be nice to lose some weight! They also say regular cardio is good for girls but I think that's probably out for me with 2 little boys to run around after all day!

That's v interesting. Where is the source of your information? I don't really eat fatty food actually. Burgers are not commonplace in our family diet. 

I'm still not sure if I will entertain the thought of a #4. 3 kids always felt manageable to me, 4 feels like borderline mayhem all the time!


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## lau86

Cheerios gender dreaming website is really helpful for sway info


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## laila 44

I think it's all bs. I'm having my third girl and she was conceived on the day of ovulation! I know this for a fact. The other 2 were before Ov as they weren't planned at all but this one was on day of bc we decided to use the clear blue fertility sticks with smiley face...


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## lau86

The timing of the thing/ shettles is not thought to be right now. I do believe in it but it's called a sway for a reason, you can follow all advice given and not get your boy/ girl. It's quite complicated and lots of factors involved


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Scarlett when are you due? You will have to update us. I have everything crossed for you that it's a girl but you are right if it's a third boy he was clearly meant to beit


I'm due on the 21st March... I feel like this one will come early though (you'll all be laughing at me now if I go overdue!) 

On a seperate note I make very nice homemade lean mince burgers for my boys.. Burgers don't have to be fatty or unhealthy! 

But on the shettles method. Even though we had planned to ttc I thought we missed the ovulation window the month we conceived - we had sex 4 days before ovulation... With the other two we had sex on day of ovulation. It will be interesting to see whether this one is a girl.


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## kerrymom

I can understand your disappointment in not having a girl. I knew I would feel the same if I only had boys before I had kids, but I ended up with two girls and now we are having a boy. I am a little freaked out about it.
My only advice is to not be too hard on yourself for how you feel. Pregnancy is a difficult enough time. Try to take good care of you, and remember what a wonderful mother you are to your son. Maybe if you think about how much you love him, and what a wonderful gift you are giving to him (a brother and lifelong best friend) you will feel a little better. 
Good luck Mama


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## bobster

Thanks Kerry and congratulations on your blue babe


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## bobster

Scarlett any news yet? Not long until d day for you! How are you feeling? 

I feel like my boy has dropped recently. He's really low and I feel Soooo uncomfortable all the time. It seems a bit early for this though so wonder if he'll come early &#128547;


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Scarlett any news yet? Not long until d day for you! How are you feeling?
> 
> I feel like my boy has dropped recently. He's really low and I feel Soooo uncomfortable all the time. It seems a bit early for this though so wonder if he'll come early &#128547;

Feeling ok. I'll be happy to get to the end of this pregnancy though! No real signs of it e ding yet unless you include braxton hicks, but they can go on for months! How early would it be for you? (The tickets don't see,m to show on this board...)


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## bobster

Yeah I noticed that too. I wonder why they don't show... I'm 34 weeks on Tuesday and due April 19th but feel like he'll be early. I hope he won't be too early but at the same time will be glad to not be pregnant anymore as feel like I'm ready to have my body back! 

Are you feeling ok? I feel so tired and achy all the time. So done with being pregnant but trying to enjoy it as it could be the last time.


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Yeah I noticed that too. I wonder why they don't show... I'm 34 weeks on Tuesday and due April 19th but feel like he'll be early. I hope he won't be too early but at the same time will be glad to not be pregnant anymore as feel like I'm ready to have my body back!
> 
> Are you feeling ok? I feel so tired and achy all the time. So done with being pregnant but trying to enjoy it as it could be the last time.

I've also felt I'd be early, but to be honest I thought I might have had him/her by now! So obviously wrong about that... I am so exhausted and achey, especially my back. I am just building up to trying various things to encourage eviction...


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## bobster

Oh yes spicy food and sex apparently!! Although I don't know about you but sex is the last thing i want to do!!

Maybe I won't be early then. Were you early with your others? I was 10 days early with my ds.

The more this pregnancy goes on the more I don't want to be pregnant again!


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Oh yes spicy food and sex apparently!! Although I don't know about you but sex is the last thing i want to do!!
> 
> Maybe I won't be early then. Were you early with your others? I was 10 days early with my ds.
> 
> The more this pregnancy goes on the more I don't want to be pregnant again!

I was a week early with number two and two days late with number one. I do not want to be pregnant again! I have to admit to dtd in desperation last night. It was not easy! At this point I am willing to try anything! Let me know of any ideas you have!


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## bobster

Have a bit of chilli. That's what sent me off with my ds! I made chilli fish cakes, had to go for a horrible poo after and that night my waters broke!


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Have a bit of chilli. That's what sent me off with my ds! I made chilli fish cakes, had to go for a horrible poo after and that night my waters broke!

On that note I have just ordered a madras curry. I'll keep you posted!


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## bobster

Yes please do keep us posted! 

I have my last day at work today. Feeling a bit achey/crsmpy like he's going to come early. Not ready yet as have so much to do first. Do you have insomnia? I woke at half 4 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Felt uncomfortable and hungry! It's going to be a long day ...


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Yes please do keep us posted!
> 
> I have my last day at work today. Feeling a bit achey/crsmpy like he's going to come early. Not ready yet as have so much to do first. Do you have insomnia? I woke at half 4 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Felt uncomfortable and hungry! It's going to be a long day ...


Yes. I think the baby kicking basically wakes me up and then I can't go back to sleep. Then I end up napping during the day and if that happens too late then I can't get to sleep at night - it's a real pain. I hope you manage to get everything done. I'm feeling mostly prepared now so anytime would be good.....


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## bobster

Well another friend had a baby girl this morning. So out of 4 friends who are pregnant at the same time as me 3 of them are having or had girls :( life feels really unfair sometimes. I hate the pang of jealousy I feel. I'm going to be surrounded by baby girls everywhere as the friend who's having the boy is the only one who isn't local :( 

Glad you are feeling prepared for the baby Scarlett. It's just a waiting game now isn't it.


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Well another friend had a baby girl this morning. So out of 4 friends who are pregnant at the same time as me 3 of them are having or had girls :( life feels really unfair sometimes. I hate the pang of jealousy I feel. I'm going to be surrounded by baby girls everywhere as the friend who's having the boy is the only one who isn't local :(
> 
> Glad you are feeling prepared for the baby Scarlett. It's just a waiting game now isn't it.

Life sucks sometimes! I'm sorry you'll have so many baby girls around you. My guess though is that at some point you'll be grateful for the gorgeous boy you have and the lack of girl issues. No consolation at the moment though...


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## bobster

Any signs of news of baby Scarlett?


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## Scarlett2

No - still here! I am getting very fed up of being heavily pregnant now. Also I ended up having to see the consultant on Friday because the baby is apparently huge. Which has had two consequences 1. I am now scared of birthing a 10lb baby :haha: and desperately want to go into labour naturally, but they want me to b induced next Saturday if the baby hasn't turned up. 2. The fact that it's huge makes me think it's another boy. Generally feelin a bit low at the moment, which is ironic because of course the anxiety is probably preventing me from going into labour!


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## bobster

Oh no sorry to read this! Thought we'd have some baby news by now. Never mind at least you know baby will be here in a week or so but really hope you can avoid induction. Have you started doing things to try and induce labour? Maybe you are right and anxiety is stopping labour as they say you tend to go into labour when you feel relaxed and secure. I know lots of ladies who have had big girl babies so you just never know based on weight alone. How big were your boys? If this babies different to them it could be a good sign for a girl. 

Did you have a nub on your scan pictures or did you try not to analyse them? 

I am going off the idea of trying again. Feel exhausted all the time and really not enjoying this pregnancy. I sometimes wonder if I'd feel differently if I knew I was carrying a girl. Makes me feel guilty but I think I would enjoy it more. I just can't seem to get excited by it. I hope I bond and feel happy when he's here. Makes me feel so guilty.


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## Scarlett2

bobster said:


> Oh no sorry to read this! Thought we'd have some baby news by now. Never mind at least you know baby will be here in a week or so but really hope you can avoid induction. Have you started doing things to try and induce labour? Maybe you are right and anxiety is stopping labour as they say you tend to go into labour when you feel relaxed and secure. I know lots of ladies who have had big girl babies so you just never know based on weight alone. How big were your boys? If this babies different to them it could be a good sign for a girl.
> 
> Did you have a nub on your scan pictures or did you try not to analyse them?
> 
> I am going off the idea of trying again. Feel exhausted all the time and really not enjoying this pregnancy. I sometimes wonder if I'd feel differently if I knew I was carrying a girl. Makes me feel guilty but I think I would enjoy it more. I just can't seem to get excited by it. I hope I bond and feel happy when he's here. Makes me feel so guilty.


Yep ! Tried pineapple (so much!), sex, walking, and using the birthing ball. I am still going to keep on trying though. Consultant tried to do a sweep on Friday but couldn't as cervix was too high. Keep your fingers crossed! My two boys were both quite big with number one (4 days late) 9lb 3 and number two (4 days early) 8lb 8. Although they think this one is bigger! My scan pics didn't seem to have a very clear nub but I'll try to find my post and bump it!

Edit: bumped nub pics/post is in gender prediction.


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## Scarlett2

Baby Arthur arrived yesterday weighing a huge 10lb 6.5oz. He is very cute and huge! I feel so great about him being a boy - a slight pang when getting all the blue clothes to wash again, but in labouring just wanted to get him out safely and realised I didn't care anymore what gender he was! Not finding out was definitely the right decision for me. Xx


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## bobster

Oh Scarlett I'm so happy for you! What a big boy! You've done so well to carry him all this time. Hope you and hubby are both ok after the birth. Did you have any problems or was it all straight forward? 

Lovely name! Arthur is in our top 3 names and my other halfs favourite so we're just waiting to see if he suits it. Glad you feel ok. I think when their health is at stake it puts gender preference into perspective. Enjoy this beautiful new baby and thanks for updating :)


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## Boo44

Congratulations Scarlett and wow what a big boy! We should keep in touch, I'm expecting my third boy and funnily enough we are planning on calling him Arthur! You will have to give me all the details what being a three boy mama is like xxxx Congratulations again xxx


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## donnarobinson

Congratulations Hun I have three boys it's great x


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## bobster

How are you getting on Scarlett? Have your boys adapted ok to the new addition? Still feeling ok? 

I'm starting to feel a bit more at peace with the thought of just my 2 boys. Don't think I will have another as in reality it won't work. Hope they give me some grand daughters to spoil with pink things. The feelings of gd go up and down all the time but I think when someone close to me announces they are having a girl it triggers it more for me.


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## kittylady

My MIL had 2 sons and now she has 2 granddaughters. :)


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## Scarlett2

Hi everyone 

Yes thanks - everything is going well. Arthur is really gorgeous but I've not been on here quite so often! The other two are coping generally really well. DS1 adores him, is really good with him and even rocks him to sleep. Txt said beauties healthily tells me when he's had enough and wanders off to do his own thing. DS2 kisses Arthur all the time and wants to hug him but is also demanding a lot of attention from me and DH - but generally I think it could be a Lot worse. I am genuinely so in love with him I can't image what it would be like with a girl - it just wouldn't seem right any more!


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## bobster

So pleased for you Scarlett! I really hope I feel the same. Still feel a bit disconnected to him at the moment but I don't think I connected to ds1 until he was here. Im more worried about how he will feel about another baby. 

Your boys sound like they are adapting really well. Remind me how old they are again? I bet they appreciate a brother much more than a sister! 3 of a kind is very special and they will grow up looking out for each other and very close I'm sure.


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## bobster

Well I had my Arthur James on 21st and I'm very much in love with him. It's so sweet seeing my older ds with his little brother too.

I'm not sure if my feelings of gender disappointment will come back but at the moment I feel very content with my 2 boys. It's a relief as I was worried I would not bond with him.

How are you getting on with your Arthur Scarlett?


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## Boo44

Aw congrats on your Arthur bobster! How funny you both have Arthurs, and it is our top choice for this little boy too! (I also have a Jack lol). Can I ask what sort of a response you've had to the name? I keep getting cold feet and considering Henry which is our other shortlist name X


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## bobster

People have said it's lovely and suits him but you never quite know if they are being honest or not do you. 

Our no.1 name throughout pregnancy was Harry or Harrison but when he came he didn't suit either of those. My OH liked Arthur but I couldn't see it during pregnancy. He does look like an Arthur though. We also liked Oscar and Alfie too. I love Henry. I would say to see what he looks like and just have short list. When are you due boo?


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## Boo44

That's good. He is due on June 17th and at the moment will either be Arthur Harry or Henry Arthur!


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## bobster

A forum of Arthur's haha! Good luck for June 17th! Keep us posted about how it goes and your name choice


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## Scarlett2

Hi ladies - how are things? All still well here. 

Responses to the name - everyone was very positive indeed! 

That said - I also have a Henry, and everyone loved that name too!


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## Boo44

Hi ladies well our Arthur Harry was born on May 13th! He completely surprised us all not only by arriving at 35 weeks out of the blue, but also by being born by a normal delivery despite me having had 2 caesareans with my others! He is adorable and perfect and we love him so much x


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## donnarobinson

Congratulations hunni aww bless him he couldn't wait to meet you X


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## bobster

Oh my god another Arthur!!! Love Harry too, that was going to be our chosen first name but he didn't suit it. A forum of Arthur's lol!!!

Well done on your normal delivery after 2 sections. It must have been so scary for you. How much did he weigh?? Huge congratulations to you boo :)


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## MrsM17

I have an Arthur!!!! Mine is 17 Months though. ADORE the name x


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## Scarlett2

Huge congrats Boo and excellent choice of name! :thumbup:

Ladies - does anyone fancy us starting up a thread somewhere else on the forum? - a sort of post baby thread so that we can chat/keep in touch?


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## Eleanor ace

Boo44 said:


> Hi ladies well our Arthur Harry was born on May 13th! He completely surprised us all not only by arriving at 35 weeks out of the blue, but also by being born by a normal delivery despite me having had 2 caesareans with my others! He is adorable and perfect and we love him so much x

Congratulations!! How awesome that you got your vaginal delivery post 2 c-sections :D


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## bobster

Scarlett2 said:


> Huge congrats Boo and excellent choice of name! :thumbup:
> 
> Ladies - does anyone fancy us starting up a thread somewhere else on the forum? - a sort of post baby thread so that we can chat/keep in touch?

Great idea Scarlett. How is your Arthur doing? Hope you've recovered now from the birth and he's adapting well into your family. I'm surprised at how well my Arthur has fit into life. So far Jack hasn't got too jealous which I was really worried about. It may come later when he starts to play with his toys! God forbid he share his dinosaurs hehe. He calls him 'arter' which is cute haha.


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## bobster

You ladies still on here?? Shall I make another thread? Hope you are all well and babies are all good.


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