# Pregnant, Single and Alone - very far from Home



## Angeltk42

Well I am a New Yorker. I was born in New York, Raised in New York, Lived in New York but then I did something stupid and moved eight states away to Texas! 12/16/12 I didn't move alone, I moved with my ex bf (yes he was my ex when we moved) but he was also my friend. Well because of personal reason and basically being a scared little boy he ran back to New York to be with his mommy. I was upset at first and I still miss my friend from time to time but he left me in TEXAS!! 1/7/13 Hard to get over someone abandoning you in Texas and at the time he left I had no Job and was on the verge of being homeless!! Well thank goodness I found a job and found a permanent place to live! 

Right after he left I felt more free to start dating. Even though him and I had been broken up for months we were living together and it was just akward to date around each other. At least for me but he didn't date either so I guess he felt it was akward too. Well shortly after he ran back to New York I met this guy "J" and he was really sweet, I thought he was adorable and we texted and spoke all day and night. 1/17/13 We met online. So after a week or two of talking on the phone and texting all the time we ended up meeting up in person. "J" was honest that he was married and just recently separated from his wife. They had separated last year for 8 months got back together for a few months then realized they needed to divorce. But unfortunately I met "j" right after they separated for the 2nd time. He is 27 and a father to three little boys (7,5,and 4) At first he was very adamant that we were just going to be friends possibly friends with benefits which I was fine with considering living in a sexually tension filled house with my ex was a nightmare sometimes! lol But after me and "J" met the first time he changed his tune and was like forget what I said about just friends or FWB i want to see how far this will go with you. I want to take this all the way because I really like you. 

Ok so we hung out a few more time and finally I couldn't take the sexual tension anymore and because of our current living situation at the time we really had nowhere to DTD so we had to plan it out. Well it was amazing and after that first time we ended up finding places. Then my living situation changed and I got my own place and then the venue wasn't an issue for us anymore. 

Shortly after I moved into my new apartment I wasn't feeling very well, my AF was 3 days late when it had been coming early for months so for peace of mind I took a HPT well I got a :bfp: 2/24/13 Well needless to say I was in shock. But not THAT shocked because "J" and I hadn't used anything (so irresponsible I know and so UNLIKE ME) we both kinda realized what we had done after we did it that first time and even jokingly started talking about baby names. He brought it up not me. So I freaked out for two days on what the heck I was going to say to him about the situation. I mean we werent even a couple and here I am pregnant with his 4th kid and my 1st. 
On 2/26/13 I finally got the courage to tell him but I made a crucial mistake and did it via phone instead of person. But I didn't want to alarm him by asking him to come over to discuss something important. So I told him on the phone and his reaction was like "oh wow" then didn't say much. I told him that if he wanted a DNA test I wouldn't get offened in fact I encourage it. (i know 100% it's his but maybe if he had that 100% assurance it would sink in better) I told him Abortion is not an option since I am PRO LIFE and he said "good because I don't believe in abortion either and would never want you to do that" Well at least we were on the same page with one thing! lol 
He said he needed to think about everything because it was a lot to take in and he needed time. 

So over the month of March we saw each other one time and he barely spoke to me. We went from talking EVERY DAY to barely speaking for days on end. He apparently started drinking more and even got into a Major car accident and got arrested for DWI. (he had no history of arrests before, I checked! lol) 
Well at the end of the month we started talking more and more but there was this giant pink elephant in the room who no one spoke about but it was so hard to ignore. 
I had my first Nurse appointment on 3/19/13 and she scheduled me for my sonogram on 3/20/13 and I was so excited I almost burst. I have not as of today revealed to the world I am pregnant so on those dates I certainly hadn't. But I posted on FB "So Excited about tomorrow, big day, how will I ever sleep" well "J" texted me later that night and said "whats going on tomorrow?" so i responded "sonogram" his response "O" and then subject got changed. He texted me the next day but never asked how it went or how I was feeling. 

3/28/13 Shock shock "j" decides to come over and hang out with me. We hung out DTD etc... well I finally mustered the courage to talk about the PINK ELEPHANT aka the baby. I told him how I just can't do this alone at least not completely alone. I know I'll be a a kickass single mom but when I thought I would be a single mom I thought I would be living in New York surrounded by my friends and Family. Not living in Bum F*ck Texas with not a single friend or family member for miles and miles. I told him I'm thinking about leaving Texas and heading back to the East Coast. My gay best friend and his bf wanted to help raise the baby and offered for me to move in with them. The BF had just been transferred from Miami Florida to Washington DC for a very big job. Washington DC wasn't NY but it was MUCH MUCH closer. In fact it would be only a 4 hour car ride to go see my mom in Long Island, NY. "J" said he understood and wished he could offer me some support or guidance but at the moment he was feeling very "lost" in life and didn't know what to do with his own life let alone the one that I was growing in me. I told him I understood I was last on the list of priorities because he had 3 little boys who were already born who needed their dad, plus his family and then way at the bottom was me and the LO I was carrying. I told him that if I had his support or the support of his family I would be able to stay in Texas but otherwise I would have to leave. He understood. I still encouraged a DNA test for his own peace of mind. I also asked him if he "cared" about the baby and he said of course he did and asked to be kept up to date on progress and the doctor appointments etc. I showed him the Sonogram and he even said awwww. I told him that even if I left Texas and he wanted to be a part of the babies life I would never keep the baby from him and even If I had to come to Texas a few times a year with the baby so he could see her/him I would. 

Since our chat things have been way more relaxed. Although nothing was resolved in that conversation at least I don't feel like I have to avoid all talk of baby to spare his feelings. In fact the doc had asked me some questions about "j"s family history and I of course knew NOTHING so the doc asked me to talk to him. So the next day when he texted me I asked him about genetic abnormatlities and he said no nothing he could think of but then cracked a joke and said "well my family is genetically inclined to be too sexy!" lol I liked that we could joke around about the baby and not be so serious all the time. 

I just wish I knew what the right thing to do is... I mean do I stay in Texas and at least give "j" the chance to come around? I heard a saying once that women fall in love with their baby at conception but a man falls in love with his child when he sees it or holds it for the first time. Do I rob him of the chance to meet his baby at birth? but on the other hand I feel like I can't base any decision on him MAYBE coming around. it's frustrating. 

Well sorry this is so long I just wanted all the details out there so that you could fully grasp the full extent of the situation before giving opinions. All opinions are welcome :) Thanks!


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## whatwillbe

Hi Hun, I think if your going to get more support by moving closer to home, I'd move, he seems to be acting quite sketchy from what you've said, do you think he's been honest about the situation with his wife ? Sorry for asking but I don't trust men very much at the mo, or maybe he's acting like this because it's very soon after you've started dating that you've fallen pregnant, I now it takes two to tango and these things happen but maybe he's a bit scared cos it's happened so soon, I'd maybe give it a few more weeks where you are and see if he starts to step up to the mark, if not I'd deff move, being a single mom is hard and you'll need as much support as you can get, but if it does come to that I'm sure you'll be a great mom, just try and think of you and baby for now, good luck x


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## Angeltk42

Oh thanks for the encouragement it's greatly appreciated! Yeah I'm leaning toward moving too! 
As far as the wife situation I do know it's true because I Facebook stalk his wife's page (it's conveniently unblocked!!!) :blush: lol so she posts how the breakup is hard and posts stuff about the kids... They seems to have a decent relationship they talk about the kids and stuff on fb. Plus I have been to his parents house which is where he is staying and met his dad so I doubt he would bring me there if he was still with wife.... But I don't trust men either and do I think he might be seeing other girls? Heck yes!!!


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## beachgal

My situation is somewhat similar. Fob wants nothing to do with me or the baby so I'm doing this solo (we were fwb).
I live 5000kms away from home (for work) and have made the decision to move back home to have the baby. I will be moving in with my parents who will help me and the baby. I considered staying here but definitely happy with my decision to go back where my friends and family are. Ill make the move sometime around 32 weeks...
The decision to stay or go will depend on you and how you feel but it sounds like you will have more reliable support back home in NY :)
I would be worried leaving it to chance that this guy will come around. My advice is that he knows where to find you in NY should he change his mind... Hugs :)


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## Angeltk42

beachgal said:


> My situation is somewhat similar. Fob wants nothing to do with me or the baby so I'm doing this solo (we were fwb).
> I live 5000kms away from home (for work) and have made the decision to move back home to have the baby. I will be moving in with my parents who will help me and the baby. I considered staying here but definitely happy with my decision to go back where my friends and family are. Ill make the move sometime around 32 weeks...
> The decision to stay or go will depend on you and how you feel but it sounds like you will have more reliable support back home in NY :)
> I would be worried leaving it to chance that this guy will come around. My advice is that he knows where to find you in NY should he change his mind... Hugs :)

Yeah that's how I feel too. He knows where to find me and I made it clear to him that I would never keep the baby from him if he decides to be in his/her life. I will come to Texas a few times a year he can come to us or whatever. We can skype etc. I will facillitate any relationship he chooses to have with the baby. I think as a mother we need to make choices for the baby first and ourselves 2nd and whoever else 3rd. So yeah I'm gonna have to go with my gut. However, the only thing that stinks is I have a great job here and I don't know if I will be as lucky back on the east coast. :( that's the one thing that scares me.


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## Fraggles

Does his family and friends know about you? Hi he definitely separated from wife?


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## Angeltk42

Fraggles said:


> Does his family and friends know about you? Hi he definitely separated from wife?

When we first started seeing each other he would always tell his parents who he was with by my name when we were together indicating he spoke about me to them when I wasn't around. Then I met his Dad about a month after we started seeing each other... I talked and hung out with his Dad for at least 2 hours. But since Late February (when I found out I was pregnant) I haven't seen his family members or heard him speak about me to them when we are together and they call. I also know his sister knows about me because I asked him to get a recommendation for a beauty salon and he asked his sister and she was specific with who I should go to. So he has mentioned me to almost every memember of his family. 

I am 100% sure Him and wife are separated - I stalk his wife's FB page :blush: lol She is always talking about how she is moving on and the breakup is effecting the kids but they are handling it better and better day by day. Or that he picked the kids up for his weekend visits and she misses the boys when they are with him. So I am pretty confident that relationship is over.


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## whatwillbe

Oh that's good, sorry I had to ask about his wife u just never know these days lol but if I'm honest it's similar to how things turned out withbme and fob, we were fine until I got pregnant, he used to invite me round to his moms and his place, then after I found out I was expecting the incites to his moms stopped and eventually he stopped inviting me to his, now I look back he was trying to distance himself from me , I still don't know why but I'm guessing he didn't want the responsibility of a baby, he didn't want me, although we planned the pregnancy, and I later found out he got back with his ex :( and he still hasn't met baby, I hope your fob doesn't turn out to be such an a hole and steps up to the mark but I can see similarities between how they both acted, but whatever happens you will be fine alone cos you have to be, it would be better with extra support though x


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## Angeltk42

whatwillbe said:


> Oh that's good, sorry I had to ask about his wife u just never know these days lol but if I'm honest it's similar to how things turned out withbme and fob, we were fine until I got pregnant, he used to invite me round to his moms and his place, then after I found out I was expecting the incites to his moms stopped and eventually he stopped inviting me to his, now I look back he was trying to distance himself from me , I still don't know why but I'm guessing he didn't want the responsibility of a baby, he didn't want me, although we planned the pregnancy, and I later found out he got back with his ex :( and he still hasn't met baby, I hope your fob doesn't turn out to be such an a hole and steps up to the mark but I can see similarities between how they both acted, but whatever happens you will be fine alone cos you have to be, it would be better with extra support though x

Wow that is sad that your Fob still hasn't met your baby :( I mean me and the fob were fwb at best so it's not like I'm surprised that he doesn't want to be involved but I just worry what I say to my child later on when she asks about her dad. I'm a very honest person and don't lie (except to my boss right now) lol but Idk how to say your dad didnt want to be around but u have 3 older brothers who he is a part of their life! That's what freaks me out. But yeah the support system I have on the east coast would be great and I know so many people love this baby already who live there and he/she isn't even born yet! I'm just going to pray to god and ask for his guidance. Hopefully his plan will be evident soon! 

How long were u with fob before u got pregnant?


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## Angeltk42

Frustrated!!!!!! Fob was texting me saying how bored he was and how he was going insane sitting at home so I suggested we hang out and instead of saying No straight up he was being vague until I finally was like so do u want to? And then he was like I'm gonna clean garage and have a beer.... Wow so hanging out with me is lower than cleaning the garage... Nice to know where I stand. I guess god is giving me my answer.... Just a few more months and I'm out of here... East coast here I come!


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## beachgal

Sorry to hear he is being an ass :(. You and baby definitely deserve all the love and happiness in the world!
It sounds like you will have lots of loving arms to welcome you back to the East. Use that excitement of moving back to help you get through the crappier of days! I know it works for me :)


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## Angeltk42

beachgal said:


> Sorry to hear he is being an ass :(. You and baby definitely deserve all the love and happiness in the world!
> It sounds like you will have lots of loving arms to welcome you back to the East. Use that excitement of moving back to help you get through the crappier of days! I know it works for me :)

Thank you! ;) I think I need to focus in the hoards of people who love me and baby and it won't matter about fob in the long run! ;) I'm not looking forward to the actual move hahaha but that's bc idk how the heck to move while pregnant! Lol


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## beachgal

Well I've been shipping stuff/boxes home the last couple of months to help downsize. I also decided to sell my furniture off slowly and just make the drive back with items in my car. Spread it over time if you can - helps eliminate the stress when you are heavily pregnant!


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## Angeltk42

beachgal said:


> Well I've been shipping stuff/boxes home the last couple of months to help downsize. I also decided to sell my furniture off slowly and just make the drive back with items in my car. Spread it over time if you can - helps eliminate the stress when you are heavily pregnant!

Oh good idea! I was planning on selling all my furniture (except bedroom) and then hopefully it will be far less to deal with but I have a Prius so I doubt I can haul much in my car lol


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## Angeltk42

So he is either completely losing it or has always been insane and i'm just seeing it. Sunday night/ This morning he texts me. It was pretty late. He asks what I'm doing which is laying in bed watching TV since it was 1am. Well apparently he is walking 5 miles home from the bar because he went out with his friend and got into an argument with someone at the bar and instead of punching them in the face decided to walk home. Then he saw I was awake (pregnancy insomnia) because I posted on FB. 
Doesn't mention anything about the stuff I was mad about on friday. And just chats me up like everything is peachy. But then has to call me because while texting me he kept getting distracted and walking into the middle of the road (4 lane hwy in west texas) luckily it's late and no one was really on the road but still he could have been killed. So he is chatting me up for over an hour and we start joking around that if he gets hit while we are on the phone the police will see our call as the last call he made before he died. He started joking that he would make sure to accuse me of hypnotizing him to go into the middle of the road. I'm like wow thanks you want your unborn child to be born in prison. He is like Well it's free food! WTH!? 
I tell him there is no way I would have walked 5 miles home, he is like well I ran part of the way. I was like OH HELL NO i wouldn't run at all. you would if there was an ax murdered behind you! I was like true then I would run but then again I wouldn't have to run fast just faster than you! LOL he was like not if i trip you first! I'm like wow again killing me and the unborn baby. NICE. It was all in jest but he was definitely drunk.. even though he swears not. lol


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## beachgal

Eeeeks, I think a move back to NY is a good plan ;)


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## Angeltk42

beachgal said:


> Eeeeks, I think a move back to NY is a good plan ;)

Right! Ugh at least for now his antics keep me amused and laughing! Hahaha these guys are sooooo ridiculous!


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## blamesydney

Me and FOB dated for 3 months before I got pregnant with LO. He then proceeded to leave me and get a new girlfriend (whom he also impregnated and just left now that she's 9 months pregnant, thank god, I was beginning to seek legal action to keep her away from my child because she's crazy but that's beside the point) he was a complete asshole my entire pregnancy. He went to my ultrasounds and never to any other appointments, and when I saw him or texted him he'd never even speak to me. I pretty much decided fuck him but gave him every opportunity to have a relationship with our child. I pretty much hated him until the day she was born. We both shed some tears, and after that he'd come over once a day USUALLY to see LO. He fell in love with her. He still fucked up every now and again and missed a doctors appointment and came late and blah blah blah, but the important thing was that as she got older, I could just see him falling deeper and deeper in love with her. (He's the one holding her in my siggy). Now he has her three days a week every week without fail and loves being a dad to her.

I also have found a loving, wonderful boyfriend whom accepts me and my child and I've completely moved on. Also, my FOB and I are actually really good friends. I'm happy. :thumbup:

Moral of the story is, move or not, you may be surprised how things turn out. I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but things certainly change once they see that bundle of joy. But you definitely need all the support you can get throughout your pregnancy as well. :hugs:


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## Angeltk42

blamesydney said:


> Me and FOB dated for 3 months before I got pregnant with LO. He then proceeded to leave me and get a new girlfriend (whom he also impregnated and just left now that she's 9 months pregnant, thank god, I was beginning to seek legal action to keep her away from my child because she's crazy but that's beside the point) he was a complete asshole my entire pregnancy. He went to my ultrasounds and never to any other appointments, and when I saw him or texted him he'd never even speak to me. I pretty much decided fuck him but gave him every opportunity to have a relationship with our child. I pretty much hated him until the day she was born. We both shed some tears, and after that he'd come over once a day USUALLY to see LO. He fell in love with her. He still fucked up every now and again and missed a doctors appointment and came late and blah blah blah, but the important thing was that as she got older, I could just see him falling deeper and deeper in love with her. (He's the one holding her in my siggy). Now he has her three days a week every week without fail and loves being a dad to her.
> 
> I also have found a loving, wonderful boyfriend whom accepts me and my child and I've completely moved on. Also, my FOB and I are actually really good friends. I'm happy. :thumbup:
> 
> Moral of the story is, move or not, you may be surprised how things turn out. I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but things certainly change once they see that bundle of joy. But you definitely need all the support you can get throughout your pregnancy as well. :hugs:

Awww thanks I appreciate your story... Well I know he loves his three sons very much and has them every other weekend now that work isn't an issue. He sends me pics of him and his boys when he is with them and the pics make me happy and sad at the same time. I love seeing him be a loving dad but just don't know if my LO will have that connection with him. I hope so... But only time will tell! But for me being in west Texas alone hoping he comes around night not be the best choice... But the fact is Idk how I will move right now regardless I'm kinda broke... So I might have no choice but to stay here longer than I expected. So maybe he will bond with LO once they are born. :) keeping positive and hoping for the best!


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## Angeltk42

FOB's friend accidently ran over his foot friday night so by saturday morning he was going to ER. To both of our surprises he was admitted - possible surgery. The doctors, thank goodness decided against surgery but he had to stay in hospital until today. I offered all weekend to bring him food or anything he needed and yesterday he asked me to bring food which I did. I didn't want to overstay my welcome and tried to leave after a few hours of hanging with him but he kept giving me a guilt trip that I was leaving him or abandoning him. I love babying people when they are sick or hurt so I had no problem taking care of him and making sure hospital staff was caring for him properly. Even made sure he got a proper shower, his meds on time etc. Because of him not wanting me to leave I ended up staying at hospital from 4pm sunday to 1:30am monday morning. It was to the point where the nurse asked if I wanted blanket and pillow to sleep over. FOB kinda got upset when I opted to leave. I have work at 8:30am and hospital is about 15 mins further away from my job plus I had no clothes or toiletries. I still felt guilty leaving him. Plus he was super affectionate wanting to hold my hand or hug and snuggle against me. Maybe it was the drugs he was on??? rofl 
We might not have the most ideal situation considering we were FWB at best when I became pregnant but we were working toward a relationship before the :BFP: and then it kinda got derailed. But spending all day/night with him yesterday made me see the guy I have feelings for again. I'm confused. 

Call me crazy but lately I have noticed any time he gets Bad News or Good News he immediately calls me or texts me to tell me what is going on and share the news. I personally only do this with close friend and family and then the person I am currently with. I just feel like maybe he wants more from me again. But doesn't have the courage to ask. IDK Grasping at straws?? probably. lol Pregnancy hormones giving me a false sense of something? probably! lol 
All I know is a lot of feeling resurged in me last night. I guess because sex doesn't cause me to get feelings and yesterday was the first time in a long time we hung out with no sex. We had so much fun joking and laughing and like I said I love taking care of someone. He even called me "babygirl" several times. It's been since before I got pregnant since He called me that. I love when he calls me that makes me melt. Mostly because I'm 32 and he is 27 hahaah so I like that he is younger calling me babygirl ROFL!


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## blamesydney

Angeltk42 said:


> FOB's friend accidently ran over his foot friday night so by saturday morning he was going to ER. To both of our surprises he was admitted - possible surgery. The doctors, thank goodness decided against surgery but he had to stay in hospital until today. I offered all weekend to bring him food or anything he needed and yesterday he asked me to bring food which I did. I didn't want to overstay my welcome and tried to leave after a few hours of hanging with him but he kept giving me a guilt trip that I was leaving him or abandoning him. I love babying people when they are sick or hurt so I had no problem taking care of him and making sure hospital staff was caring for him properly. Even made sure he got a proper shower, his meds on time etc. Because of him not wanting me to leave I ended up staying at hospital from 4pm sunday to 1:30am monday morning. It was to the point where the nurse asked if I wanted blanket and pillow to sleep over. FOB kinda got upset when I opted to leave. I have work at 8:30am and hospital is about 15 mins further away from my job plus I had no clothes or toiletries. I still felt guilty leaving him. Plus he was super affectionate wanting to hold my hand or hug and snuggle against me. Maybe it was the drugs he was on??? rofl
> We might not have the most ideal situation considering we were FWB at best when I became pregnant but we were working toward a relationship before the :BFP: and then it kinda got derailed. But spending all day/night with him yesterday made me see the guy I have feelings for again. I'm confused.
> 
> Call me crazy but lately I have noticed any time he gets Bad News or Good News he immediately calls me or texts me to tell me what is going on and share the news. I personally only do this with close friend and family and then the person I am currently with. I just feel like maybe he wants more from me again. But doesn't have the courage to ask. IDK Grasping at straws?? probably. lol Pregnancy hormones giving me a false sense of something? probably! lol
> All I know is a lot of feeling resurged in me last night. I guess because sex doesn't cause me to get feelings and yesterday was the first time in a long time we hung out with no sex. We had so much fun joking and laughing and like I said I love taking care of someone. He even called me "babygirl" several times. It's been since before I got pregnant since He called me that. I love when he calls me that makes me melt. Mostly because I'm 32 and he is 27 hahaah so I like that he is younger calling me babygirl ROFL!


At this point, seeing as you're pregnant and all of that, I would just sit down with him and talk about what we are and if there is any future for us at all, just to clear the air. Have you been keeping him updated with doctor visits and things? Does he seem interested at all in the pregnancy?


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## Angeltk42

Yeah since our last big talk he asked to be kept updated with doc appointments and stuff (haven't had one in a few weeks) I have one next mo day. But when we talk about baby it's lighthearted and stuff we joke around. He doesn't ask about the baby at all but doesn't make it awkward if I bring it up. So I'll take that! Hahaha 
I know I should ask him where we stand I guess I'm scared of the rejection! :( I just can't read him he is so confusing! If I had a clue what he was thinking then maybe I wouldn't be so scared to ask. Time will tell! 
Thanks for your advice and if I grow some balls I'm sure I will ask him ;)


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## Angeltk42

Ok still haven't gotten up the courage to tell him how I feel yet. But the weirdest thing happened last night. first he actually asked a baby related question... "are you taking your vitamins babygirl?" which is amazing that he even asked at all. So i give him a big :thumbup:
But that wasn't the weird thing. We were texting... which we usually do and he called me out of nowhere. We spoke for 2 hours candidly about a lot of stuff. Made me think of the days when we first met. Then our call dropped suddenly but he called back immediately, I thought to say goodnight since it was getting late. But we spoke for another 30 mins and then he was like "if I start snoring, i'm sorry!" But didn't want to get off the phone. So we both ended up falling asleep on phone waking up on occassion with phone in ear and saying some random stuff to each other and then falling back to sleep. We stayed like this till after 5am. I got up at 5am to go to the bathroom and saw we were still on the phone. But at 6am when I woke up again I saw we had disconnected. CRAZY! It's like he didn't want to get off the phone with me. I kept saying at first "if you are sleepyhead, i'll let you go" he was like no not yet. 
I"M SOOOOO Confused!! it's so out of character for him.


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## Angeltk42

Day 2 of surprises... he asked me to come over last night to hang out. I have only been to his house twice before (he lives with parents) but he made a room for himself out in the garage for now. So now he is separate from the house. Which is better. So I didn't intend to stay late just till maybe 2:30AM (i'm a night owl and took a late nap after work) but somehow it was 3:30am and it was just assumed I was sleeping over. So even though I had to wake up at like 6:45 to go home change and get to work I still did it! It was a great night we hung out, joked around, cuddled, :sex: and slept. I slept only 3.5 hours but it felt like 8 with him cuddled up around me. I'm not usually a cuddler when I'm sleeping I'm the kind of person who just cuddles for a little bit before bed then once i'm ready to pass out I turn away and go to my corner hahaha. But all night I was wrapped up with his arms around me and I didn't squirm away. 

I guess i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to start acting weird again. Hopefully not this is definitely the guy I met and started to fall for a few months ago. This is definitely the guy that I had such high hopes to start a relationship with. But the pregnancy blind sided him. I think he is finally coming around but we shall see. I'm going to ask him to go to the anatomy/gender scan in a month + that will really be a good indication if he has come around or not. Hurry up scan! lol


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## blamesydney

Angeltk42 said:


> Day 2 of surprises... he asked me to come over last night to hang out. I have only been to his house twice before (he lives with parents) but he made a room for himself out in the garage for now. So now he is separate from the house. Which is better. So I didn't intend to stay late just till maybe 2:30AM (i'm a night owl and took a late nap after work) but somehow it was 3:30am and it was just assumed I was sleeping over. So even though I had to wake up at like 6:45 to go home change and get to work I still did it! It was a great night we hung out, joked around, cuddled, :sex: and slept. I slept only 3.5 hours but it felt like 8 with him cuddled up around me. I'm not usually a cuddler when I'm sleeping I'm the kind of person who just cuddles for a little bit before bed then once i'm ready to pass out I turn away and go to my corner hahaha. But all night I was wrapped up with his arms around me and I didn't squirm away.
> 
> I guess i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to start acting weird again. Hopefully not this is definitely the guy I met and started to fall for a few months ago. This is definitely the guy that I had such high hopes to start a relationship with. But the pregnancy blind sided him. I think he is finally coming around but we shall see. I'm going to ask him to go to the anatomy/gender scan in a month + that will really be a good indication if he has come around or not. Hurry up scan! lol

I can't wait to see if he comes! I really hope he has changed. :hugs:


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## Angeltk42

I'll be sure to continue to update with all details hahaha bc having unbiased opinions definitely helps me have a reality check! ;)!


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## Angeltk42

I have spent every night at FOB's house since last Thursday. The only days I didn't sleep over were Friday and saturday night because it was his weekend with his 3 boys and they were sleeping over. I did however go there to hang out both days just didn't sleep over. Things are so good between us ::::knocks on wood::: he asks about baby now. Asked about doctor appointment on monday which I went to from his house in the AM. He was still sleeping. We don't :sex: every night which is good because then it doesn't feel like a nightly booty call. We just hang out, then cuddle up and go to sleep. Every few days we DTD. lol I feel like we are in a relationship without officially being in a relationship lol. He texts me all day when we are apart and then I go over his house and spend the night. 

Last night as we were laying in bed about to fall asleep he says I'm pissed this year sucks. I said what do you mean? you met me this year has been awesome for you! lol But he was talking about his pending DWI charge and his foot being run over and not working much. I knew what he meant and told him to focus on the positives not the negatives! 

I'm gonna let things just continue as they are without bringing up any big conversations which will put pressure to define anything because I don't want to push him. It's pretty clear with how he acts that he likes me and possibly wants to be with me. He is just coming around on his own time schedule and any push from me might push him away. He is a guy after all! lol


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## blamesydney

anything new? :flower:


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## Angeltk42

We have spent every night together for 2 weeks except tonight... I feel weird not being at his house in bed with him... :( we had a long talk he told me has feelings for me but he needs to get his life in order before he can even think about committing to me. He revealed a very horrible childhood trauma that apparently is effecting his adult life (justifiably so) and so I have just been trying to support him. So idk what's gonna happen Btwn us and we are taking it day by day. I am just having a bad week in general me being overly sensitive so I feel like crap tonight bc I am not with him. I guess I just need constant reassurance because right now everything is all crazy! He did say that he will do anything for the baby within his power even if he isn't able to do too much he will do what he can. This is his baby and he wants to be there for him/her. That was good to hear. He said that although I never pressured him he felt pressure at first because he was the only person I knew in Texas and he felt so bad that he wasn't able to be more of a comfort. Heading Ina positive direction. Hopefully my pregnancy crazy wont scare him off lol


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## blamesydney

Oh my I'm so glad things are going well. ^_^ just remember, you're pregnant! Despite how he feels, he should be supporting you, not the other way around!


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## Angeltk42

blamesydney said:


> Oh my I'm so glad things are going well. ^_^ just remember, you're pregnant! Despite how he feels, he should be supporting you, not the other way around!

Yeah but I think any good relationship you need to support each other. He has been supportive and it took a lot for him to reveal his trauma. I'm glad he did. I feel closer with him since he told me. It also explains A LOT! :)

Thanks for your support! It is much appreciated to have someone to talk to about this who is a objective opinion. :)


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## Angeltk42

From my last post until about a week ago I spent almost every day at FOB's house. Things in my mind were going good. His parents and sons loved me and he even let me watch his kids while he worked and the boys although little demons; very cure adorable demons though! hahaha They were a lot of fun. Always hugging and kissing me telling me how much they loved me. <3

Everything was great except his best friend.. This guy was living at FOB's house because him and his wife broke up and he was just constantly nagging me and annoying me. Well one night he pushed my buttons so bad that I left in the middle of the night. At first I was joking about leaving but then I got so annoyed I just actually left. FOB apologized for upsetting me. The next day happened to be my Gender/anatomy scan. FOB did not attend! To make matters worse he never texted me all day. Which was so unlike him!!! We usually texted from late morning/early afternoon but yet it was 7pm and I still hadn't heard from him. I finally texted him and I was so annoyed an angry that I was being a bitch. Fob stopped by that night for 15 mins to say hi (he was in the neighborhood) but it still didn't stop me from being annoyed. 

Then the day after the scan he again didn't text me and I was getting annoyed again. I wrote on FB "Pet Peeve when you help someone and then your help isn't needed then they decide to blow you off!" well a few hours after I posted that FOB was asking if that was directed at me. I was like well if you think it's about you then you must realize you are doing something wrong... so if the shoe fits feel free to wear it!!! he said he didn't think he was blowing me off and that I was being overly dramatic because he didn't text me 24/7... said he wasn't married to me and i was acting like we needed to be in constant contact. I said NOOOO I don't think we need to be in constant contact but when I don't hear from you on one of the most important days (which he knew because I was literally counting down the days till the scan for over a 2 weeks). I said this wasn't some random tuesday this was a big day for me (us). 

Well then he ignored me and later that night I called him out and he was saying that he was pissed because i'm ALL drama and he hates drama and "you need to realize I don't want anything serious!" It took all my willpower not to go ape shit. I was like how are you turning this into a relationship issue when it has nothing to do with us!!!! This is about common decency for a friend at the very least. I had an important day and you decided to blow me off. Which happened to coincide with him getting paid whereas for the last 2 months since he broke his foot I've been helping him out with food and such when needed. If not for me he wouldn't have been able to survive. I did what I can which wasn't much but it hurt when he got paid and just blew me off like i was an inconvenience! He was pissed that i was insinuating he was "using" me but those were his words. I said " I HELPED you (my choice) but the second you didn't need my help you didnt have time for me anymore!" 

i'm sorry but i'm 5 months pregnant my emotions are running high and I'm WAYYYYYYY more sensitive to things. I'm already a sensitive person sometimes (usually PMS time lol) but add raging hormones from a growing baby and damn I don't know what to believe! hahaha 

He ended up confessing that he was really upset because his kids moved with their mom (which I knew) to over an hour away. Now I knew they moved but I didn't know how upset he was by it. But in all fairness to me an hour drive every other weekend isn't really a big deal. IMO but i'm also driving a hybrid car and drive EVERYWHERE!!! I used to have a bf who lived 3 hours away and one that was 6 hours away and I would drive to them all the time. (separate time frame!! LOL) So an hour is really nothing in my mind. Well then I realized it was all a misunderstanding HOWEVER that does not change the fact that he was EXTREMELY mean to me with words. Or that he was still blowing me off even days AFTER we made up.!!!

Wouldn't you know that not until he ran out of money from his check and didn't get his new check did he ask to hang with me!! smh. I don't know if they were truly related he also might have just wanted sex lol. Which is fine by me. LOL i have never been mad if a guy used me for sex hahaa!! But that is another story because in my mind i'm using them for sex too! hahaha. 

A friend of mine on Bnb suggested that perhaps he is freaking out (and taking it out on me) because we are having a little girl and it's scaring him!! he has 3 boys and maybe the idea of a girl is the unknown factor?? It's quite possible! He is acting VERY similar to the way he acted when I first told him I was pregnant. 

I'll let you know of any progress. But this has been what is going on for now!


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## Sweetkat

Stumbled across your thread. Keeping everything crossed for you and really hope things work out for you and that fob comes round. When he said I don't want anything serious was he talking re your relationship? Hope he didn't mean it!!


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## Angeltk42

Sweetkat said:


> Stumbled across your thread. Keeping everything crossed for you and really hope things work out for you and that fob comes round. When he said I don't want anything serious was he talking re your relationship? Hope he didn't mean it!!

Yea he was talking about our relationship but has since pretended that he never said it... Things are slightly different Btwn us again so just taking it day by day.


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## Sweetkat

Angeltk42 said:


> Sweetkat said:
> 
> 
> Stumbled across your thread. Keeping everything crossed for you and really hope things work out for you and that fob comes round. When he said I don't want anything serious was he talking re your relationship? Hope he didn't mean it!!
> 
> Yea he was talking about our relationship but has since pretended that he never said it... Things are slightly different Btwn us again so just taking it day by day.Click to expand...

It may be just him being scared to commit officially. Men are like that :). He has said he has feelings for you which to me sounds like he definitely definitely wants something :). Otherwise he would never have admitted to having feelings. Although I don't quite get why he didn't come to the ultrasound to see baby. Men are just so annoying!!


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## Angeltk42

Yeah idk he is being a flake... I wish I could just "forget" him but since I am alone in Texas it is hard! Trying to take it day by day.


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## Sweetkat

He is seeing a lot of you though and making quite a bit of effort, so this whole relationship must mean something to him :)


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## Angeltk42

Correction - He was seeing a lot of me. Now we hardly see each other the last few weeks. :( I was a very nice pregnant NON GIRLFRIEND the other night and drove 2 hours round trip to an oil rig he was on to give him drinks/cigs because his partner on the job decided to get drunk while driving/working and FOB didn't feel right letting him work while drinking so took over the entire job. VERY dangerous to have impaired senses with their type of job and FOB has a reputation to maintain. Because he was going to do the entire job alone he didn't bring enough to drink/smoke. 

Before that I saw him on monday night/tuesday morning. It's been limited lately. We used to talk everyday now he waits all day to contact me (we usually talk everyday but it's just not the same) I know i'm probably reading too much into it. His entire schedule is completely different from starting work again. He is on call 24/7 and when he goes for jobs lately they are no shorter than 24 hours so his sleep schedule is messed up. I just hate not knowing what is going on and feeling like he is distancing himself. Probably my crazy pregnancy hormones. UGH :(


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## Sweetkat

Is it his first job in a while? He probably feels under pressure with 3 kids and a 4th on the way and wants to make sure that the job goes well. I wouldn't read too much into the fact that he has not seen quite so much of you. I thought it sounded really promising when you two were spending all that time together :) and am keeping everything very very crossed for you!


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## Angeltk42

Sweetkat said:


> Is it his first job in a while? He probably feels under pressure with 3 kids and a 4th on the way and wants to make sure that the job goes well. I wouldn't read too much into the fact that he has not seen quite so much of you. I thought it sounded really promising when you two were spending all that time together :) and am keeping everything very very crossed for you!

Yeah we were spending a lot of time together now it's the opposite I'm very clingy while Preggo and feel like I need to be around him but I can't force him. We shall see trying to keep my head straight so I don't go pregnancy crazy lady on him hahaha! He got some bad news last night and was upset it could effect his Job so now he is uber stressed so trying to give him space! :( I know he is feeling pressures even if I'm not technically pressuring him bc a 4th unexpected child is a lot to take in.


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## Angeltk42

Well last week when I saw FOB last he told me he was going to Balmorhea on saturday which pissed me off because he has been telling me about this place for months and has said we should go... well he tells me "don't be alarmed if you don't hear from me all day saturday bc I will be at belmorhea!" I was like "without me??" "sorry for your bad luck" was his response... Nice right. So then he tells me he is going with his little bro dusty and his best friend Joey Oh and his little bro's girlfriend Michelle... You know I was fine when it was a "boys' weekend" but once the 16 year old brother's gf got an invite I was hurt and didn't understand wtf was going on. Well this weekend Friday afternoon I hear from FOB he doesn't mention that he is going to belmorhea and i didn't ask because i didn't want it to upset me again. But then all of a sudden he stops texting with me at 4pm friday and I still haven't heard from him and it's almost 1pm monday. WTF!!! 

Well I find this completely shady and although we aren't together and he is free to date, sleep with etc whoever he wants I do not TOLERATE lying. So I fell like he either a)brought a girl there and refrained from contacting me so she didn't see him on his phone 24/7 or he b) met a girl there and the same thing.... why would he not contact me literally the entire weekend??? I feel like if it isn't a girl then he is "testing" me because I've been getting upset when he doesn't contact me and now he isn't contacting me just to see how I'm gonna react. Well fine If he doesn't contact me I will try not to make referrence to the silence and just be like Hey how are you? 

I'm so done with being treated like shit. I wish I could be strong enough to just tell him to leave me alone or be strong enough to ignore him IF he does text me. I just don't understand is he gonna just text me out of nowhere like nothing? Like Hey or is this silence going to go on for a while more?? IDK. All I know is I am PISSED! It's not worth going off on him about it either because he will just throw it in my face that we aren't married and he isn't obligated to text me. That will make me even angrier. I FRACKING hate men!!! I hate how emotional I am and I hate that I'm so alone.


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## Hunneytot

Just my opinion, and please dont be offended, but you need to ditch this guy! It sounds like he only contacts you when he needs/wants something from you. I know how hard it is (and it must be even harder while pregnant) but you dont want him bouncing in and out of you and your baby's life. I think it sounds like you really want a relationship with him, but try hard to act like you dont :) As harsh as it is, he has told you you quite a few times he doesnt want any kind of commitment. If I was you, I would head back up to New York with your family.


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## Angeltk42

Hunneytot said:


> Just my opinion, and please dont be offended, but you need to ditch this guy! It sounds like he only contacts you when he needs/wants something from you. I know how hard it is (and it must be even harder while pregnant) but you dont want him bouncing in and out of you and your baby's life. I think it sounds like you really want a relationship with him, but try hard to act like you dont :) As harsh as it is, he has told you you quite a few times he doesnt want any kind of commitment. If I was you, I would head back up to New York with your family.

Not offended at all I know you are 100% right.... I wish NY was an option unfortunately it's not :( But my mom is coming to texas to live with me! YAY!!! :) 

Yes i agree i don't want him bouncing in and out of baby's life. if it was just me that would be one thing but it would be wrong for my daughter. He does only contact me when he wants something. Although last night he FINALLY contacted me after i posted on FB that I was sick!! which i was really sick. He was being nice and kissing ass. he acted like we hadn't had a 3 and a half day silence which I played along. It sucks because I know so few people here that I hate to cut him off and then have no one. But sometimes having him around is the same as having no one so I guess I have to pick my side. I'm just super clingy while pregnant and it sucks. He would have been gone a long time ago if I wasn't pregnant. But your advice is appreciated. 

I do want a relationship with him. At least the version of him that is sweet and nice and caring not the a**hole lol. Well he has been throwing it in my face that we aren't married etc... (he is currently married but separated) and finally I said "stop reminding me we aren't married. I AM FULLY aware of this... and furthermore who the f*ck said I want to marry you anyway? because i don't!!" Then he was like upset and said that wasn't nice of me. OH WELL! lol he can dish it but can't take it smh


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## Hunneytot

I am so happy for you that your mom is coming to live with you. Hopefully she can give you enough support to get you through the hard parts :) I was taught that people treat you how you let them, and by ignoring his bad behavior, you are letting him think its ok to treat you badly :( I wish I could smack him for you (lol damn pregnancy hormones).


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## Angeltk42

Hunneytot said:


> I am so happy for you that your mom is coming to live with you. Hopefully she can give you enough support to get you through the hard parts :) I was taught that people treat you how you let them, and by ignoring his bad behavior, you are letting him think its ok to treat you badly :( I wish I could smack him for you (lol damn pregnancy hormones).

You are right I am condoning the bad behavior and that isn't good!! I'm just so different while pregnant than I usually am. I can't tell if things are really as serious as I make them in my head. DAMN hormones are right!! hahaha 
I know he has been a douche lately though. I just don't know if i'm blowing them out of proportion or not. I don't think I am. I'm not going to contact him and just let it go where it does. I am defintely not going to "chase" him. He will catch on eventually that i'm not as up his butt as I was. Let's see if that does anything. Plus once my mom comes I'm going full force wth getting ready for baby so I might not have time for him anymore!


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