# 40 and terrified.



## NellyM

The risks seem to have jumped overnight from being in my 30's to being in my 40's. 
DP and I have decided that we want a bigger family but all I keep hearing is "at your age?" 
Is 40 really that old? I don't feel ready to be cast as Grandma rather than Mum! 
We are TTC our first together, although I have two lovely teens from my previous marriage. I announced to him today that when this one is born I will be wanting a second with him about a year after. He is 47...are we too old for this?


----------



## nickyb

Your definitely not old! It's how u look at life and ur attitude that keeps u young :) I'll be 40 when this bubba is born :thumbup:


----------



## Derby baby

I have only mentioned my plans for a baby with a few friends and mainly they have said they are happy although a few have pointed out I have a 19 year old and im having a lovely free life now so why would I ruin it. I find I switch between my thoughts on this so am very confused. My bf really wants a family with me. I have also started an amazing new job and due to my nature I already fill like im letting them down just thinking about it as they really took a chance with me.


----------



## CaliDreaming

You are definitely not too old! Back in our grandmother's time, no one would have batted an eye at a women giving birth in her 40s. The so-called studies that are all gloom and doom about pregnancy over 40 have been called into question. There was also a recent study that found that women who naturally conceive after 40 are four times more likely to live to age 95 than women who finish having children by 40.

Also, seems like a lot of over 40 women I know who bought into the hype over age and thought that they were too old to conceive are now scrambling to care for oops babies they were not prepared to handle.


----------



## NellyM

CaliDreaming said:


> You are definitely not too old! Back in our grandmother's time, no one would have batted an eye at a women giving birth in her 40s. The so-called studies that are all gloom and doom about pregnancy over 40 have been called into question. There was also a recent study that found that women who naturally conceive after 40 are four times more likely to live to age 95 than women who finish having children by 40.
> 
> Also, seems like a lot of over 40 women I know who bought into the hype over age and thought that they were too old to conceive are now scrambling to care for oops babies they were not prepared to handle.

Wonderfully reassuring. Thank you xx


----------



## Canadianmom4

I'm 42 and my SO is 44, we currently lost our first child together at 10 weeks 3 days, 6 weeks ago today. Just waiting for my body to recover and then we'll be trying again. Definitely not too young. Good luck!!


----------



## Shanoa

Definitely not too old. I was 39 when I had my first and I'm currently 40 and TTC #2. A lady in my NCT group was 44 when she had her first.

I have been reading the same studies as Calidreaming. I think it's great news.


----------



## NandO1

I'm 40 and on #4. I think i read the same study as cali and the data about women having babies later were stats from aeons ago. I m/c in dec and despite my age no-one ever made reference to my age and my future ability to get pregnant or have a healthy pregnancy. Good luck with your journey and hope to see you in the pregnancy section soon xx


----------



## ClaireCath

Definitely NOT TOO OLD!! I agree those stats are from the dark ages...advanced maternal age. PFFFFFTTTT!!! we got this!


----------



## dan-o

Deffo not too old, all being well, I'll be 38 when this ones born and don't plan on stopping then! 
Also my mum had my little sister after many miscarriages, at age 42.


----------



## ClaireCath

NellyM said:


> The risks seem to have jumped overnight from being in my 30's to being in my 40's.
> DP and I have decided that we want a bigger family but all I keep hearing is "at your age?"
> Is 40 really that old? I don't feel ready to be cast as Grandma rather than Mum!
> We are TTC our first together, although I have two lovely teens from my previous marriage. I announced to him today that when this one is born I will be wanting a second with him about a year after. He is 47...are we too old for this?

Her's a link to another site that may cheer you up and give you hope! I love to read these when I am feeling "OLD" It's an old thread from 2010 but some happy vibes on it 
https://community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a5331555/pregnancy_over_43_does_it_exsist


----------



## CaliDreaming

ClaireCath said:


> NellyM said:
> 
> 
> The risks seem to have jumped overnight from being in my 30's to being in my 40's.
> DP and I have decided that we want a bigger family but all I keep hearing is "at your age?"
> Is 40 really that old? I don't feel ready to be cast as Grandma rather than Mum!
> We are TTC our first together, although I have two lovely teens from my previous marriage. I announced to him today that when this one is born I will be wanting a second with him about a year after. He is 47...are we too old for this?
> 
> Her's a link to another site that may cheer you up and give you hope! I love to read these when I am feeling "OLD" It's an old thread from 2010 but some happy vibes on it
> https://community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a5331555/pregnancy_over_43_does_it_exsistClick to expand...

Wow that thread is like the motherlode of mid to late 40 natural conception stories!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Not old at all ! I was 41 having my first baby in feb - not a bother lol !! And am going for it with no 2 !!! Ya have years yet !! Good luck xx


----------



## ClaireCath

CaliDreaming said:


> ClaireCath said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> NellyM said:
> 
> 
> The risks seem to have jumped overnight from being in my 30's to being in my 40's.
> DP and I have decided that we want a bigger family but all I keep hearing is "at your age?"
> Is 40 really that old? I don't feel ready to be cast as Grandma rather than Mum!
> We are TTC our first together, although I have two lovely teens from my previous marriage. I announced to him today that when this one is born I will be wanting a second with him about a year after. He is 47...are we too old for this?
> 
> Her's a link to another site that may cheer you up and give you hope! I love to read these when I am feeling "OLD" It's an old thread from 2010 but some happy vibes on it
> https://community.babycentre.co.uk/post/a5331555/pregnancy_over_43_does_it_exsistClick to expand...
> 
> Wow that thread is like the motherlode of mid to late 40 natural conception stories!!Click to expand...

Actually i joined that board and there is fantastic group of ladies all well over 40 TTC and tons of success stories as well. Best of luck hun!:thumbup:


----------



## Oasis717

Hi I'll be 43 in November and my youngest is 9 months old so you're def not too old! He's my third and funnily enough it was the easiest pregnancy yet, zero problems, and a 5 hour labour:) we are now trying for no 4. I did have a chemical in March and two losses before Brooklyn sadly, but he is as perfect as perfect can be! Good luck xxx


----------



## vermeil

I had my first a 38 and my second at 41 (via Ivf but it's free here so why not, sure I would have conceived naturally eventually) . very happy and wouldn't change a thing.

That doesnt mean it will just happen...Do lots of research, get to a healthy weight, exercise etc.


----------



## YuLingCB

Hi, NellyM! :hi: I would agree with a lot of the ladies here that you are definitely NOT too old. It all depends on your health and your perspective on having children later in life. I'm 38, going on 39, and trying to conceive my 2nd. Although I am finding it a lot more difficult to conceive this time around, I don't think that it is impossible.

Take comfort in knowing that you have lots of support here. Keep yourself as healthy as possible and good luck on your ttc journey. :thumbup:


----------



## vkj73

Hello!
I hear you on being scared. I had our first at 37. We started trying for #2, two years ago. Here I am at 41, about to do a mini-ivf (less medication). We thought about moving forward with ivf for a long time. Two years ago I would never have thought I'd try clomid, iui, etc.
Despite the fear of all the what ifs, I felt a pull to keep trying.

This will most likely be our last attempt. I will be sad if it doesn't happen, but I will have peace knowing I tried everything we were comfortable with.

I have a great new acupuncturist with whom I shared all of my fears. She said it's totally normal (even my thoughts that all the fears were some sort of omen that I shouldn't try).

It's what makes us human and it's healthy to think about the reality. Listen to your heart. For me, I think I/we would have regretted not trying all that we could (and we're comfortable with).

Good luck on your journey:hugs:


----------



## Oasis717

Wishing you loads luck vkj73 and all the ladies ttc xxxxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Vkj that is exactly how I feel , if no2 does not happen for us ill be happy knowing I gave it all I had for as long as I can . Ill then accept it just wasn't ment to be.


----------



## vkj73

Thanks for the replies ladies. So comforting to know that I'm/we're not alone. Good luck and lots of healthy baby dust to all!!!
:hugs:

:dust: :dust: :dust:


----------



## Driving280

It is definitely not too old! Realistically, though, more women do have problems in their 40s than earlier, so a consult with a fertility dr may make sense just to make sure there are no clear (and resolvable) issues like tubes or sperm... I got pregnant at first try at 36 and also had no issues getting pregnant at 40 but then I had a chemical and a miscarriage and finally what I hope will be our take-home baby now (so it basically took a year at 40). I see so many women pregnant in their 40s though, so I would not worry about age as such!


----------



## JazzyBelles

*40 is not old, at all! I took a 3 year break from TTC, and had family make me feel bad for taking a break since I was "pushing 40", I never had a normal period, and two weeks before my 40th birthday I got my period, and have had one like clockwork every month since, guess that's my body's way of telling me don't give up. I wish you lots of luck and tons of baby dust your way! *


----------



## tag74

NellyM said:


> The risks seem to have jumped overnight from being in my 30's to being in my 40's.
> DP and I have decided that we want a bigger family but all I keep hearing is "at your age?"
> Is 40 really that old? I don't feel ready to be cast as Grandma rather than Mum!
> We are TTC our first together, although I have two lovely teens from my previous marriage. I announced to him today that when this one is born I will be wanting a second with him about a year after. He is 47...are we too old for this?


I am 40 now and have a 14 year old and have a 15 month old. In 2 months we are going to TTC our next baby. If you're in good health, you won't be treated any differently. I had a very healthy pregnancy and two wonderful daughters who adore each other despite the 13 year age difference. Best of luck! :hugs:


----------



## vkj73

Well, here I am, 41 at 9weeks pg.

It's possible ladies (granted with a little help) but it's possible!

Good luck to all:dust::dust::dust:


----------



## curly555

CaliDreaming said:


> You are definitely not too old! Back in our grandmother's time, no one would have batted an eye at a women giving birth in her 40s. The so-called studies that are all gloom and doom about pregnancy over 40 have been called into question. There was also a recent study that found that women who naturally conceive after 40 are four times more likely to live to age 95 than women who finish having children by 40.
> 
> Also, seems like a lot of over 40 women I know who bought into the hype over age and thought that they were too old to conceive are now scrambling to care for oops babies they were not prepared to handle.

This is so true! Our great grandmothers werent having their 7th or 10th child at age 25. And if the kids survived birth, most were born healthy. Matter of fact, my grandmother had her first child at age 21 and her 5th child at age 45 while my great grandmother had her first child at age 24 and her 6th and 7th children at age 42 and 44 and no one batted an eye. Sure it may take longer to get pregnant, but I really think all of the scary stats are way overblown.


----------



## Left wonderin

I love you ladies you give me so much hope :) but so so true about past generations :) I so hope to see a BFP rolling in soon !


----------

