# CSA + Location



## purpledahlia

Does anyone know if the father has to pay whatever amount to visit the child that they take it off the maintenence? He says that they take into acc travel expenses, Now he lives in London and im in Scotland. 

He just told me he plans to open a savings acc for her for newborns and save into it each month, and its for when shes older. I said what about what she needs now??

Also for those kinds of savings does he need a copy of the BC?? will he have to be on it?? im stressing out its gonna be a huge argument when it comes to the BC. I am gonna have about 3 weeks after shes born to reg her without him being up here.... hes gonna go mad but i do not want him on it. 

He just wants control over the money, he said why would CSA get involved isnt that only if theres disputes? i told him no because im on Income Support they involve themselves, 

Now i have a feeling hes gonna say hes saving ill have no proof or access and he will get out of maintenence for travel expenses and ill be left with like no money. I wouldnt mind having no money from him if he wasnt involved, but he wants to be.. yet doesnt seem like he will contribute. 

So basically hes not gonna pay anything for 18years then give her a few thousand.. which would get squandered by an 18yr old and ill have to contine to struggle and support her on my own. :shrug:


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## purpledahlia

anyone?


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## expecting09

I have no idea about him needing to be on BC to open her bank account. Has he said why he cant give you the money instead of putting it in an account for her? And I'm not sure about travel expenses and the CSA, the CSA just confuses me to no end lol. Didn't wanna read and run :hugs:

You could always open a bank account for her and give him the details, he can put half the money in there so it's saving up abit, then half the money to you for her living costs etc :shrug:


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## purpledahlia

thats a good idea, we didnt talk into detail too much but he kept saying about ' his intentions ' but i was like what the hell ARE they?!? cos uve not told me! and he said hes gonna open an acc and put money in each month. said whats it for.. and he said for when shes older, i said what about what she needs now??? and he carried on talking about other things. I dont even know how much he is gonna put in, cud be a bleedin tenner. 

But as she gets older and needs school uniforms n things hes gonna have to contribute towards he living costs if he wants to be involved. Cant just come up and buy her some toys,! shes not gonna be spoilt and isnt gonna get toys to make up for the fact im on my own, that leads to a spoilt bratty child. If she deserves a treat fair enough but not for no reason.


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## lauren-kate

They 'can' take money out of CSA for travel costs, but they don't always. Ryan's Dad tried this.. I think, but I haven't heard anything since so I assume it got turned down? I think they assess a lot of things before coming to a decision.

Also, when he tried to open a bank account for Ryan.. they wouldn't let him do it because his address wasn't the same as mine. There were quite a few problems and it ended up that he wasn't able to. He had the birth certificate, but they just wouldn't let him open an account for Ryan.

He didn't want to go through CSA either. He kicked off about it and said he wanted receipts for everything I bought with the money.. it got a bit silly (which is when he stopped seeing Ryan). BUT, it confirmed to me that going through them was the best idea as neither of us could mess the other around with money - changing the amount, the day it was paid, delays in payment, being short one week, etc.


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## purpledahlia

oh thats interesting, 

Well im assuming London to central scotland, it can cost quite a lot, a few hundred a trip. including bnb or hotel, so if they asses that then i might get zero?

I dont want him to only put money away for her, he should contribute now, he hasnt so far. ~But yeah good point if he has a diff adress then prob wont be able to ? he wont have BC either, or same name. :rofl:


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## lauren-kate

I think he'd only be able to do it if he just set up his own account.. like in his own name and paid money in saying it was for baby.

Have had a look into travel costs, but I can't find a lot of information (had this problem before!). It would appear that they can reduce the payment if the paying parent has to travel more than 15 miles. Nothing else seems clear though. It might be worth talking to someone at CAB, or CSA to find out more about the effect of travel costs on maintenance payment.


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## purpledahlia

yeah i couldnt find any info either, rubbish. I will speak to my dad and ask him to take me to CAB when shes born and also to write a will with his solicitor.


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## starbucks101

Yes - they can & quite possibly will reduce maintenace for travelling expenses, but it is by pittance... so wont make much of a difference to you :)

No - He will not be able to open a bank account for her as its bloody difficult for a mum to do it let alone a dad!

Also, You should put him on the birth certificate as by not doing so you are denying your child their family history. I dont like the FOB is on DD's cert, But that bit of paper is her identity and I do not have the right to take any of that away from her!


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## hypnorm

let him pay in to her child trust fund that way he knows it will be going to her and can't be spent on other things.

Also if you are wanting him to pay money for baby then i think he has a right to be on the birth certificate, as one of the girls above said whether you like it or not he is part of her, and he can request his name to be put on if he goes through a dna test in the future.


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## starbucks101

hypnorm said:


> let him pay in to her child trust fund that way he knows it will be going to her and can't be spent on other things.

Thats a good idea!


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## sweetlullaby

I would go to citizens advice bureau and get their advice! the whole csa thing completly confuses me as well! I think they can take travel expenses into account but i dont think they would consider the whole amount it would cost him getting from london to scotland because at the end of the day he has to make some sort of effort to see his daughter and if it costs him money he should be willing to pay it as its for his daughter type thing!

The whole bank account thing i think he's being a complete idiot (il probably get the same from FOB) because basically as you've said it would be you managing on your own for 18 years then him handing your daughter at 18 as you said a couple of thousand pounds that she would just either blow on rubbish or use for uni or towards a car or something! He would be better going through csa, paying his bit etc and if he really wants to you could open an account for your daughter (like the child trust fund one)(i dont think he can open one with different addresses, different names etc) and he could pay money into it every now and then for when she's older or something! But to me it sounds like he's trying to avoid having csa involved and having a percentage of his wages etc took off him!!

Im not too sure if iv been any help whatsoever coz i dont have a clue either as havnt experienced it all yet lol xx


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## purpledahlia

He is not going on the Birth Certificate. He is not having that power over me to control mine and my childs life, i will not put us ina situation where we need his permission for anything. I dont WANT him to pay and see her i think hes an arse and would be happier if he just left us to it alone forever. 

however as he wants to see her i wont stop him, he can come up whenever he wants and visit her. But i know for a fact he says this but when the time comes, he wont. he says now he wants to come up once a week, fine by me, totally unrealistic to him. he MIGHT make it once every 2 months. but whatever, whenever. 

I am not denying my child anything, im protecting her.

Good news about the bank acc, he was probably just saying that anyway. He can pay into her child trust fund thats a better idea. Ive no idea how they work yet but im assuming when its opened i can put money in aswell?? i was just gonna open her an acc joined onto mine. but atm im in no position to save extra all the money i get we need to live off. He probably only wants to pay money into an acc to make himself feel better. Money doesnt make him a father. but i dont wanna be played for a fool.


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## suzanne108

https://www.csa.gov.uk/en/PDF/leaflets/new/CSL303.pdf

Check page 28...I don't know much about it but I know that the CSA will take into account excessive travel costs. Think this depends whether you moved away or if he did? If it was long distance then I have no clue. Its something I need to look into myself!! xx


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## purpledahlia

cool thanks, If were entitled to anything then cool if not then, oh well. We will get by. The jobcentre have already told me that once shes born they will be informing the CSA and then they will contact me, new rules apparently. so involving them is out my hands.


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## suzanne108

I would rather involve them anyway to be honest...maybe thats me being naive because I've heard they can be a pain! BUT....I personally don't trust FOB to go to the bank and set up a standing order :shrug: I have no faith hehe. 

If I decide to get maintenance (still in two minds!) then I'll be using the csa! x


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## purpledahlia

well i dont trust him to set up a SO either, he didnt even say he would, he says he will help but only by a savings acc of his, for her, for when shes older.I said what about what she needs now? not right now, but when shes at school.. uniform etc.. its be much better helping with that SURELY? i think he just doing it / saying it to make himself feel better. he has no intentions of doing anything i told him that untill i see any proof i wont believe anything he says anymore. so time will tell.


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## suzanne108

Argh it pisses me off when men say things like that!!! 

Thing is....you'll be paying for her everyday stuff like food, nappies, roof over her head, toiletries, clothes.....essentials. And, I know that personally I'd like to pay into savings for LO aswell if I can afford to, if not straight away then definitely when I'm back at work and can afford to. I'm sure you will probably want to do the same at some point in the future.....so why the hell does he get a choice between the two?!! Its nice for them to turn 18 and know they'd have money for a car or house deposit or uni fees but like you say...what about the stuff she needs straightaway??!!! MY GOD they piss me off!!! Not only are we expected to financially support our LOs, we are also expected to have the sleepless nights, the tough decisions, the whole responsibility of having a child ALONE because they weren't man enough to step up to the mark!!!!!! I know we're all quite happy to go it alone now that we've realised what [email protected] our FOBs are but it just annoys me. He probably thinks he's father of the year for offering to pay into a savings account....when he is actually a [email protected]!! 

Sorry.... :blush:


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## purpledahlia

exactly!

hes done nothing but give me empty promises and lie so far, i dont see it changing. And the funny thing is, in scotland you dont have to pay uni fees!!!


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## suzanne108

purpledahlia said:


> exactly!
> 
> hes done nothing but give me empty promises and lie so far, i dont see it changing. And the funny thing is, in scotland you dont have to pay uni fees!!!

BONUS!!! :thumbup:

She can get a car or house then....if you'll let her move out hehe! xx


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## purpledahlia

:rofl: yeah if i let her move! na it'd be good for a car, but i dont want her thinking all her teenage years her dad is saving for her and she can buy a car etc then for him to only give her like couple of hundred and let her down. Thats why id like to have proof or see the acc.. so i can trust him to do it!


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## suzanne108

Deffo a good idea that he pays into the trust fund if you can only get him to agree to paying into a savings account :thumbup: that way only she has access to it. And just don't tell her about it until her 18th birthday so she doesn't get her hopes up! How mad talking about Ava's 18th birthday :haha:


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## purpledahlia

i know bloody hell, lets get her out the womb first!!


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## bubbles

Can I just say if you don't put him on BC you may run into problems with the CSA not only that he could then question paternity and refuse to pay until it is proven he is your daughters father. TBH if he's as bad as you say why would you want his money? surely taking his money would give him more of a hold over you and your daughter than putting him on BC. If you really want his money I would cut out the CSA get a solicitor to write up a contract to say he will pay X amount on a regular basis, if he doesn't do it you can show your daughter when she is older that you tried to be amicable with him but he messed it up, that way you will have something to show her what type of man he is and make up her own mind about him


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## lauren-kate

The thing is... If you don't involve CSA, they will possibly reduce your benefits. That's why they ask about CSA, maintenance, etc in the benefits forms. If you answer that you are not using them, they want a VALID reason i.e. the father is violent, a danger to yourself or baby, etc. In their eyes, if you are not claiming money from the father (for no valid reason), then you do not need as much money from them. I remember this from my research, but sure the information is still online if you need it. This must be why they are automatically contacted now :shrug:


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## bubbles

but if you can show proof you have come to an agreement away from CSA they will take this into consideration


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## lou_w34

lauren-kate said:


> The thing is... If you don't involve CSA, they will possibly reduce your benefits. That's why they ask about CSA, maintenance, etc in the benefits forms. If you answer that you are not using them, they want a VALID reason i.e. the father is violent, a danger to yourself or baby, etc. In their eyes, if you are not claiming money from the father (for no valid reason), then you do not need as much money from them. I remember this from my research, but sure the information is still online if you need it. This must be why they are automatically contacted now :shrug:

I dont think the csa reduse your benefits if you dont give them the fathers information. My local job centre hasnt even asked about the FOB, not a sausage, they didnt want to know any of his details, and didnt even mention the csa to me. And they got me to speak to a lone parent advisor aswell, and even she didnt mention it. 

Plus what happens to the women who genuinley dont know who the FOB is, do they cut her benefits aswell?

And yes, very weird talking about her 18th birthday!!! xx


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## purpledahlia

No they wont cut my benefits and its not ME involving the CSA. Its my jobcentre!

If he wants to question paternity for not being on the BC he can do so. Hes not having that control over us. I would need his permission to go abroad, move to another area, choosing schools, every single detail of her life he could control and hes done nothing to proove he is even gonna stick around so its not going to happen. My mum works with a bunch of people who all work within various roles of the NHS to do with kids in care and such, midwives, health visitors etc. Even people at her work are telling me to really consider not putting him on as they have seen the messes it can create. He isnt going on. He wont even be here when i register her so he cant go on.

but anyways, yeah i wouldnt take his money if he said he didnt wanna be around, but he wants to be involved with the fun things like choosing her name and stuff... yet hasnt bought her as much as a teddy... Hes never questioned paternity but if he wants to then so be it. 

IF the CSA get any money from him and im on benefits then i will only see £20 a week. they will keep the rest to put back into the system, however, if i start a job i will see all of it. They dont 'cut' benefits, they cut what i would get from csa. But i would be prefectly happy with £20 a week. April 2010 it goes up to £40. 

I can make a contract with a solicitor that he pays 'x' amount, but i still need to declare it to both the jobcentre and the CSA. and he prob woulnt do it. Id rather just let the CSA do what they do, they will apparently contact me and then him, i amnt choosing to involve them but my jobcentre does. its out my hands. I dont want to take his money in the long run because he will use it against me,


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## purpledahlia

And he doesnt need to be on the BC for the CSA to work. My friend gets money thru the CSa for her toddler and she doesnt know her dad, met once or twice, hes not on the BC and she still gets maintenence.


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## purpledahlia

Also, if i do get the basic amount from CSA for him to pay, its not that i 'want his money' it would mean I could put it into an acc for her myself, so i can SEE its there. i dont trust him to do it.


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## Welshcob

purpledahlia said:


> He is not going on the Birth Certificate. He is not having that power over me to control mine and my childs life, i will not put us ina situation where we need his permission for anything. I dont WANT him to pay and see her i think hes an arse and would be happier if he just left us to it alone forever.
> 
> however as he wants to see her i wont stop him, he can come up whenever he wants and visit her. But i know for a fact he says this but when the time comes, he wont. he says now he wants to come up once a week, fine by me, totally unrealistic to him. he MIGHT make it once every 2 months. but whatever, whenever.
> 
> I am not denying my child anything, im protecting her.
> 
> Good news about the bank acc, he was probably just saying that anyway. He can pay into her child trust fund thats a better idea. Ive no idea how they work yet but im assuming when its opened i can put money in aswell?? i was just gonna open her an acc joined onto mine. but atm im in no position to save extra all the money i get we need to live off. He probably only wants to pay money into an acc to make himself feel better. Money doesnt make him a father. but i dont wanna be played for a fool.

Totally agree with you Purp and what you say is exactly how I feel too about my FOB. I doubt he will be up to see LO regularly in Scotland. He may even be keen to start with, but I think it will probably fizzle out and certainly reduce. Hugs :hugs:


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## lauren-kate

There is a lot of conflicting information on everything to do with CSA, benefits, etc. I was asked about CSA payments when I was getting income support, and told that if I wasn't claiming through CSA, and had no valid reason not to, then they could reduce the amount they paid me.. This is all very confusing. I just wish that everyone (CSA, CAB, jobcentres, etc) all shared their information better and knew what they were talking about more. It would make it a lot easier to understand everything.


Added to post; I've just looked for more information, and gosh, it's still confusing. It seems the rules in regards to income support, CSA, etc changed fairly recently (i.e. since I applied). 

I found these quite useful and they make it sound a little simpler; 
https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Nl1/Newsroom/DG_172473
https://www.cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/changes.asp
https://www.cmoptions.org/en/maintenance/prepare.asp

Hope that helps. xx


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## purpledahlia

cool, when im warm and comfy ( i just woke up freezing cold!) I will sit and have a read of them! :)


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## teal

I won't be much help with the travelling costs but hope you manage to find out about it. 

I agree with you about not putting his name on the birth certificate. He doesn't deserve that power to have over you and Ava. Even if my ex makes contact I still won't be putting his name on it. I've heard lots of stories about how much hassle it can cause! xx


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## lou_w34

I registered scarlett today, it was the hardest thing ive ever done not to put his name on it, but i didnt, and i didnt because i feel i need to protect her, and i will do anything i can to do that.

He can go on the BC at a later date, the registra told me i could do this, so if i need to i will.

It is not an easy option to not put him on the BC, so anyone who thinks we are being selfish for doing so, is wrong.

Im also not denying her identity as the small part of her BC doesnt even have my name on. Its the big bit that does. 

I feel like ive done the right thing, no matter how hard it was doing it at the time 

xx


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## sweetlullaby

I will also be adding this to my massive list of things to start reading :( Thanks Lauren- kate for posting them! 

I wont be putting FOB's name on the birth certificate either. Took me 9 months of thinking about it to reach that decision and the fact that FOB wants a dna test done to me he's denying the fact that he is this LO's father and therefore he doesnt want to go on the birth certificate until he has proof he's the father. 

Its all messy and everyone's situation etc is different but i just want to give :hugs: to everyone who's going through all of this because its really hard and not easy at all. xx


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## purpledahlia

:hugs:

The new law's and rules recently make it difficult, but we ARE protecting them.


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## sweetlullaby

I live in N.I so for me most of the laws etc on the net dont apply :( Even CSA seems to work differently. Im having to try and look it all up specifically for N.I though with birth certificates and in regards to fathers surname etc i think i have it a bit easier ...not sure though still researching and giving myself a busting headache in the meantime. But I cant stop!!

Why does life have to be so difficult?? lol


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## purpledahlia

Ahh because of ot was easy then it would be boring! :D


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## sweetlullaby

:haha: so true. Its all madness though the amount of things we have to think about etc!


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## purpledahlia

Ive told FOB straight, He told me i should have an irish middle name for the baby because hes irish and he hates Caitlyn as a middle name, i said what do you suggest, 'Téagan' - YUCK. i hate that name. And i said to him i can call her peahead if i want you cant demand things, i like the name, ive done everything myself so far so i will consider what names you suggest but im not gonna NOT use a name FOR YOU. You cant just be involved in the nice fun parts and ignore the serious parts. Things could of been different if you had been more reliable and been around and in touch not just every month having 1 convo.. then maybe things would be diff. but youve not. youve continued to let me AND Ava down. so i dont believe anything you say anymore as ive not seen any proof, your too inconsistent. It went ok cos he didnt blow up he just gave excuses, then said he had to go. I said i dont care if you have had obstacles, ive had thousands the last 9 months but ive still provided EVERYTHING myself with no job! obstacles or not if she doesnt come first its not good enough. bye! 
:haha: :D


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## lou_w34

Ahhh well done!
Sounds like you got your point well and truely across! And so you should!

:thumbup:


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## starbucks101

purpledahlia said:


> He is not going on the Birth Certificate. He is not having that power over me to control mine and my childs life, i will not put us ina situation where we need his permission for anything. I dont WANT him to pay and see her i think hes an arse and would be happier if he just left us to it alone forever.
> 
> however as he wants to see her i wont stop him, he can come up whenever he wants and visit her. But i know for a fact he says this but when the time comes, he wont. he says now he wants to come up once a week, fine by me, totally unrealistic to him. he MIGHT make it once every 2 months. but whatever, whenever.
> 
> I am not denying my child anything, im protecting her.

Hey just checked back on this! I think you may have taken the way i wrote abit more confrontational than it was, or perhaps ive read it wrong?? 

Anyway, To be 100% and im sure as most of us more veteran single mums will also say fathers rights are complete and utter b*llocks, and they really dont exist. as will 98% of FOB's who are fighting through courts to get access to their kids... Look at groups like Fathers for Justice etc... 

Also, that was just my opinon, DD's dad, abused me for nearly 3 years and i wasnt the first by the sounds of it, hes a benefit theif and a complete waste of space and we are sooooo much better without him. However its not him that she is being denied, its his family and her half-sister etc... 

Thats why i think its important for him to always be on the certificate because at least she has got somewhere to start when she is old enough to make the decisions for herself :) 

Plus when she has to use her own birth cert, and if in your situation the dad is involved its always you that going to look like the "b*tch" because your the main carer with all the responsibilites! 

Its not easy is it!! xxxx


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## purpledahlia

tbh ive never seen mine and never needed it so i cant see why she will need hers? i am open to adding him on tho if he prooves himself.. I would keep in touch with his family but he doesnt let me. Its catch 22 really, but If i met someone and we wanted to emigrate for example.. he would be able to stop us if he was on it.. so i dont want him on it till im settled and he has prooved he is gonna stick around. His family are just like him so tbh i dont really want them around much- they wont be anyway as their in london! But when shes older if she wants to find them ill help her.

Men are just arse's, i always end up with the assholes, didnt think id fall pregnant to one tho! 

The FOB wont even be up in time to be on it anyway as i only have 21 days and he prob wont come till end of feb, and ill be induced at term if shes not on her way due to other things. So its fate! :D


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