# Confused!



## jellybeanxx

Sorry this might be a bit of a ramble as I’m not quite sure how I’m feeling and need to get it out and see if anyone can relate?

I have two sons who I absolutely adore. They’re very different from each other and I’ve never been one to conform to gender stereotypes myself and don’t want that for my sons either.

I’m pregnant with my third very longed for baby. This one took us two years of TTC. 
We’ve decided not to find out the sex this time. We’ve been back and forth on it though! I am keen for a surprise because we’ve always found out with the other kids. At the last scan we were even told that we couldn’t find out if we wanted to as baby wasn’t giving anything away so obviously it’s meant to be :haha:

Every time we have a scan though, I find myself obsessing over whether this baby is a boy or a girl. I think deep down I’m hoping for a girl but I hate admitting that as I’d never want anyone to think I’d be disappointed with my baby if it were a boy. I want this baby so much no matter their sex! I don’t even know why I’ve got that hope this is a girl. I’m not sure it would make any difference really? This is more than likely our last baby and I guess there’s that feeling that I’ll never have a daughter. I don’t know, I think I just need some help to figure out what I’m feeling and prepare for whatever happens.

Has anyone been through this? Any advice?


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## Sander

Hi :)

We just found out we’re expecting our 3rd boy! I was honestly expecting it, which helped. I had horrendous gender disappointment with my 2nd, and I was really determined not to feel the same way with this baby. It’s also likely our last. 

We found out with each baby, and my reasoning was that I didn’t want to take the chance that if we waited to find out, that my first feeling when meeting my child would be disappointment over the gender. Finding out early each time helped me bond with the baby and not build up in my head the girl I won’t have! I also named the boys very early on (once we found out gender) and that helps with being excited for them as a person, and not just being disappointed over their gender. 

Anyhoo I know some ladies are so good and can wait! If you can do that, more power to you. I think I would just consider - if it’s a boy, is the disappointment something you want to risk having to process with your newborn, or would it be easier to deal with before he comes? And of course if it’s a girl you can do lots of pre-baby shopping :p


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## jellybeanxx

I’ve seen a few people suggesting finding out before the birth for that reason. I think I’m operating on the default it’s a boy anyway if that makes sense? I always refer to the baby as him because I can’t imagine anything else anyway!
We were tempted to find out at the last scan as it was a private scan and the first one my husband had been allowed to attend but baby wouldn’t have allowed it anyway so I took it as a sign.
When I think about the kids being older, I picture three boys and we’ve been focusing a lot more on boy names anyway. 
I feel like I’ve resisted finding out for this long that I should hold on for the rest of the way now :lol:


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## Sander

jellybeanxx said:


> I’ve seen a few people suggesting finding out before the birth for that reason. I think I’m operating on the default it’s a boy anyway if that makes sense? I always refer to the baby as him because I can’t imagine anything else anyway!
> We were tempted to find out at the last scan as it was a private scan and the first one my husband had been allowed to attend but baby wouldn’t have allowed it anyway so I took it as a sign.
> When I think about the kids being older, I picture three boys and we’ve been focusing a lot more on boy names anyway.
> I feel like I’ve resisted finding out for this long that I should hold on for the rest of the way now :lol:

If you can hold out, go for it! :)


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## wanna_baby

Exactly what Sander said in her first post. I was in a similar situation. Pregnant with my 3rd secretly desperate for a girl but said I would be ok with another boy. I thought about waiting to find out the gender just for a change since I found out for the 1st two. But I needed time to adjust and deal with the disappointment before the baby arrived. I think waiting will be rewarding if it is a girl. You are brave to be waiting. Hope it does turn out to be a girl!!


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