# Any teachers, can I ask advice?



## lau86

My son is 6 and is one of the oldest in the class (yr one). He is doing well with his work but has always had episodes of being 'disruptive'. Him and another couple of boys are the main culprits, pulling funny faces and giggling etc. His reception and yr one teacher managed it just by telling him off and letting Him know he'd overstepped the line. 
At parents evening his teacher said he has gradually got worse, at his table he is fine (he is separated from the other boys) but on the carpet or walking to assembly they are silly. He has a sticker reward book where basically he gets a sticker for each session he behaves, up to 4 a day. Now he is 'under the microscope' as my mum puts it and I believe, behaviours that wouldn't normally be a big deal are now reasons for him to lose a sticker. The behaviour is impulsive I think and not something he can particularly help. I'm wondering if this sticker thing is a good idea, he actually really likes school and his work but focusing so much on his negative behaviour can't be good for him. My thoughts is that he is 6,, needs to let off steam and it's normal for a 6 yr old to be a bit silly at times. He's been on the stickers two weeks and has always got 3 or 4 so it's not that bad. 
I find him mostly very good at home and very helpful, well behaved boy, as is the case in beavers and other activities. I feel sorry for him, doesn't help that hubby is much firmer and 'has told him that he will get a reputation for being a naughty boy'


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## babycrazy1706

I'm going through the EXACT same thing with my year one child. 

But Elijahs behaviour is getting worse! 
They called me for a meeting today and they are getting a behaviour specialist to come and assess him. I also feel the same about the negativeness. I actually think it has made my son worse and he behaves fine at home which is what is so bizarre. 

At first it was mostly, not putting hand up, not sitting still for long periods, not always listening, hitting back if someone hit him or annoyed him. 

Now it's gotten worse as he's hitting without being provoked in any way. I'm really worried and stressed out over it but I'm glad he's being assessed. Xx


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## lau86

My ds doesn't hit anyone though he has thrown something of someone's in the playground. I agreed to the stickers at parents evening but now I really don't want them. It's not his fault the school system expects them to st still for hours at a time.
In terms of he assessment what do you think they'll find? I'm fairly confident my son doesn't have any additional needs


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## babycrazy1706

I'm really unsure as I don't think he has anything 'wrong' with him exactly 

Hes always been very boisterous and played rough. He also can take a lot before he cries 

i think he has issues with his feelings that hopefully we can guide him in the right direction and discuss/ maybe do activities with him to help this

Like I say he's fine at home


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## ClairAye

Do they take stickers away from him/off his chart?


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## lau86

ClairAye said:


> Do they take stickers away from him/off his chart?

He wouldn't get one if he did something, the other day he didn't get one for being disruptive in pe! He told me he bumped into another child by accident? So far he has always got 3 or 4 stickers so I think it is expecting him to be perfect which he isn't going to be able to do


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## babycrazy1706

lau86 said:


> ClairAye said:
> 
> 
> Do they take stickers away from him/off his chart?
> 
> He wouldn't get one if he did something, the other day he didn't get one for being disruptive in pe! He told me he bumped into another child by accident? So far he has always got 3 or 4 stickers so I think it is expecting him to be perfect which he isn't going to be able to doClick to expand...


This is very similar to our experience. The sticker chart did nothing for Elijah.

But these are the issues that started out where for example playing tig outside, he tigged someone too hard and they said he hit them, he said it was an accident etc

It's so hard cos you want to stick up for your child but not look like you are condoning the bad behaviour 

They've made Elijah believe he's a horrible child and last night he said he thinks he should die because everyone thinks he's nasty :cry:

I can't wait for this professional assessment


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## lau86

It's awful isn't it, that's so sad for him and you. Both my boys are very active and I'm starting to see, my daughter is a lot more lively than a lot of little girls. Part of the punishment initially was that he would miss part of his breaktime, which is going to make him ten times worse. 
My brother was like this growing up, probably a bit worse, they kept saying he's got ADHD, he doesn't at all and now as an adult he holds down a good job etc. 
Everyone is different and I am actually really shocked at the 27 other kids in the class who seem to be able to sit for so long without a problem.


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## babycrazy1706

Yeh same. I think they expect a lot from them at such a young age and if some children cannot cope with sitting/concentrating for long periods they shouldn't be deemed as naughty. They are struggling ! :(


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## pompeyvix

Although i am not a teacher, i have volunteered in my daughter's school in a year one class. In my experience, the kids aren't expected to sit still for long periods of time. They have other activities surrounding the learning, plus break times etc which break up the day. The learning they do is also varied and broken up with interaction with each other and the teacher. When they are at their tables they do different activities each lesson and a lot of it is hands on stuff, like using blocks to help count numbers, role play, gluing and sticking etc. The only time the kids were expected to sit still and be quiet was during guided reading which was for 20 minutes at the beginning of every day. I do think it's a bit of a misconception that young children are expected to be sitting still at school for hours on end. That is the opposite to my experience. 

Saying all that, if you feel the sticker charts are making your son worse and are not working for him, most definitely bring that up with the teacher. For a lot of kids, stickers do work so maybe she suggested that as an initial idea. It doesn't sound like he is doing anything awful. From what I witnessed, silly behaviour in 5 and 6 years is completely and utterly normal and I saw it over and over again when I was volunteering. It's really down to the teachers and TA's to engage the children in learning so it is less likely to happen (although it always will to an extent. The teacher I worked with was excellent, but there was still lots of silly behaviour).


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## george83

I would speak to the teacher if you have concerns but I teach year 2 and actually the behaviours you are describing can completely undermine a whole lesson if the children don&#8217;t stop when asked. Think of it the opposite way - if your child&#8217;s learning was constantly being interrupted by a group of children who couldn&#8217;t behave and your child stopped making progress you&#8217;d be complaining about the teacher for not stepping in to stop it. By 6 they should be able to walk down a corridor without giggling, it&#8217;s not exactly the height of entertainment.


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## babycrazy1706

Definitely raise your concerns about the chart xx


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## lau86

His teacher has mentioned that it can disrupt the lesson and other children can't concentrate so i totally understand that, and we have explained this to him. I do think his behaviour is normal 6 yr old stuff. I can't work out why it's getting worse but yes I will discuss with his teacher again. 
I just don't know if there is going to be an answer to it, he is academic and is one of the oldest in the class, he needs a lot of stimulation. He is fine by himself and I can't exactly tell
Him not to speak to the other boys


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## noon_child

That's a tricky one - while I don't want to downplay the disruption that silliness can have (as during times when he is expected to be still it will be because the teacher needs the full attention of all children) he does sound under the microscope and it can be difficult for children that young to understand the difference between "My teacher doesn't like it when I...." and "My teacher doesn't like me". I think the behaviour expectations and rewards should be a whole class thing. To see other children being praised for listening, to be praised himself when he does sit still or concentrate, to be given opportunities to improve if he has made a mistake, to understand the consequences of his actions and empathise with others - these are what will make long term difference IMO. Most schools near us have a traffic light system for unacceptable behaviour and this means children can make slip ups (this moves them to amber) but can work to move back to green. Something more serious, or if behaviour is repeated despite being moved to Amber, would go to Red - which means going to see a senior member of the school to talk about your behaviour - but you can still redeem yourself, and EVERYONE starts on green every day. It's a fresh start. Because it is a system for everyone (in theory) everyone gets treated the same, rather than "That's the naughty boy we'd better keep an eye on him". In addition they get points for displaying learning behaviours (listening, perseverance, organisation, team work, independence etc.) - so it's more often about praise and modelling than criticism. It may be that the school has a whole class system like this but it wasn't working for your son so they suggested something new. If it isn't working, let them know and maybe you can come up with something better together. In my opinion the best thing he can learn is that it's OK not to be perfect - everyone makes mistakes - it's what you do to fix your mistakes or try harder next time that matters. So if he missed a sticker early in the day but then got the rest, you could say "I'm so proud of how you realised you had made a mistake early on and for the rest of the day you worked really hard to put it right".


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## whatwillbex

Maybe it&#8217;s a personality thing as in he isn&#8217;t connecting/ engaged with his teacher and getting bored?. You never know the next year up with a new teacher may suit his style of learning and be more wanting to do as the teacher says. A lot can change over the summer holidays as they aren&#8217;t that far off really. Glad you are getting an assessment to hopefully give you some answers. X


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## noon_child

I also wanted to add that if you think it's because he is bright so feels he doesn't "need" to listen and stay still in order to concentrate and understand, it might be a very good idea to help him to learn that some of his classmates might not be so lucky; that they really need to be able to hear and see the teacher without interruptions and distractions because school might be very hard for them. If he can empathise with this, see if he could become a role model for the other boys e.g "We need to stay quiet now, it's not fair on other people when we are noisy".


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