# My son is really unhappy in school, help. *Small update*



## AimeeM

Hi everyone.

I was a bit unsure where to put this but felt most comfortable putting it here.

Kayden is 8 and although not diagnosed he suffers from autistic traits mainly Aspergers type traits of which he is currently under evaluation for.

He has an IEP in place in school and has a one to one support worker he sees daily and he is in different clubs which he seems to enjoy, multi sports, football, guitar lessons and out of school cub scouts.

The thing is he gets picked on constantly. We live in a fairly rough area and the school is full of nasty kids who's parents don't care how their kids act.
Kayden is really sensitive and his feelings are easily hurt although he doesn't show it as a mum I know when something is wrong.

Kids at school are being violent and he is coming home with ripped clothes, legs covered in bruises, scratch marks and stuff.

I have been to the headteacher three times about this and nothing has been done. I had a meeting with his class teacher and pastoral support worker who basically said it was his fault because he is weird and annoying.

I am at a loss what to do. If he moves schools the same could just happen there and there and there are no decent schools for miles, which he wouldn't be in the catchment for anyway. We can't afford private at all and I don't feel I could fulfil his potential with home schooling as he is really smart and I am not.

Can anyone suggest anything as I am at a loss and I hate seeing him so unhappy as I went through being bullied myself. He says at playtimes he just walks around on his own randomly getting kicked or jumped on :(

Thanks if you stuck it out and read all that!

*UPDATE:*

I rang this morning and talked to the head. I asked her if I could go in and see her to which she replied she was fully booked all week.
I told her in the nicest possible way how disgusted I was at what was going on and that nothing has been done and that I am putting a complaint in with the governors.
She then found a space to see me tomorrow night after school. I told her that I am keeping Kayden off until after we have seen each other.

I will update after I have seen her tomorrow night.


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## Midnight_Fairy

IMO I would be making them up to to school action plus, I would also be writting to the governors about the bullying and lack of support from the school.

Could you move him schools? x


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## AimeeM

Thank you for the reply,

I have though about complaining but in the mean time I feel so bad to keep sending him while all this is going on as I know a proper complaint will take ages no doubt to go through the motions.

We are talking about him moving schools at the moment which he really wants but my point to him is that it could happen as much if not more at a new school.
He does have problems forming relationships with other children and tends to come off too needy which in turn puts other kids off him which then leads to the bullying. It is quite likely it would happen at another school too :/


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## Midnight_Fairy

Would you consider home-schooling? xx


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## AimeeM

We are thinking about that too. My only issue here is that he is very smart and is amazing at maths where as I am helpless at it! I think I would not be able to give him the education he needs to fulfil his potential and I really want him to do well.

I am defiantly going to look in to the home schooling side a bit more and see if it might be worth giving it a go.

It's a hard situation when all we want is for our kids to be happy :flower:


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## Midnight_Fairy

I know its hard, It breaks your heart doesnt it x


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## Midnight_Fairy

AimeeM said:


> We are thinking about that too. My only issue here is that he is very smart and is amazing at maths where as I am helpless at it! I think I would not be able to give him the education he needs to fulfil his potential and I really want him to do well.
> 
> I am defiantly going to look in to the home schooling side a bit more and see if it might be worth giving it a go.
> 
> It's a hard situation when all we want is for our kids to be happy :flower:

I have to sort my lad out but I will be back later, I have thought about HS too and might be able to advise x


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## AimeeM

It does break your heart!

No worries thanks for taking time out to reply xx


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## cupcake

Poor kid, that is difficult situation, kids can be really mean sometimes.
I think you should try and go see for yourself, is there anyway you can look in on things without being seen? That way you will see if he does start any kind of trouble like they alleged, and also see for yourself what is going on at recess. I think that the teachers have to understand he is under assessment for the "weirdness behaviors" and try and promote tolerance, it goes a long way when an adult talks about being different and accepting others with kids. Children will immediately single out something odd,or different, they have to be taught. I think if you exhaust all avenues then you should think about trying a new school, or maybe even moving to an area where he will be will be in the catchment for better schools, obviously I have no idea if you can move , its not a possibility for everyone but it might be an idea. If you home school you have to be really disciplined , it just depends on whether that is your thing or not. I am a teacher myself and I know there is no way I could home school my kids, I also think in your son's case taking him out of a social network might aggravate the problem as he needs to find skills of how to fit in, if you know what I mean. At the end of the day, you have to do whats best for him, if it is really that miserable for him I would not leave him there.


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## lisa35

I really feel for your son it must be so worrying and for the pastoral support worker to basically say it's his fault because he is weird and annoying that is just pure nasty, no child should suffer for whatever reasons :(

My daughter who has learning difficulties and can't go to a normal high school for been bullied goes to a private school and lives there and comes home on weekends, i don't have to pay for it either. My sister was same but she came home everday and my parents even though worked did not pay for it. Can you not look into it? Or have you already tried?


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## AimeeM

Thanks ladies.

His dad went to pick him up from school football club a couple of weeks ago and they were playing in the hall as the weather was bad. His dad stood outside the hall watching through the doors, no one was aware he was there, and he saw another boy knock Kayden over then repeatedly kick him really hard in the head.
Although he was furious beyond words he decided not to intervene to see what the teacher was going to do about it. Nothing was done at all.
The next day I rang up the school and spoke to the teacher and expressed how upset, disgusted and furious I was and all the teacher said was 'I am sorry but the other boy is really difficult' !!

I did wonder if Kayden in some way provoking people while out of my sight but now I feel guilty for even thinking it as that incident proved to us that it really is unprovoked.

I know he needs to stay in a school and learn how to deal with these situations but also I know from being a victim of bullying myself, just how much it destroys your self esteem and self worth.
I think I would rather have had less of an education than to have to face the daily battle I have with my self esteem which really effects my relationships and confidence. As a result of the bullying I left school as soon as I could anyway and missed out on serious opportunity.

I really don't think I could home school as with a toddler and a baby on the way there is no way that I could give the structure he needs.

I have looked into private schools but like I say they are far too expensive for us. I will look in to the possibility of some kind of funding but I doubt we would be considered for it as we are probably classed as more of a lower class family.


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## RebeccaG

That school is behaving so badly!! I'm a primary teacher and I can't say our school has much experience of bullying but we do have children with special needs and if a parent is at all worried then we are told to keep an extra eye on them especially at play times to ensure that they are ok. Does he have a good friend at school? Could you invite them round for tea and try and help him forge a stronger relationship? At play time is there a job that he could do in school to keep him off the play ground? We have some children that struggle in playtimes that tidy the library or play board games with the senco. I can't imagine what you are going through - the governors need to know if the head teacher isn't dealing with it. Can you speak to the chair of the governors before you write a letter of complaint? I really hope things improve soon. xxx


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## AimeeM

Thanks, that is a really good idea actually. I am going to ring and arrange a meeting with the head again and be more firm and explain that I will be taking it higher. I will suggest maybe filling his break times with something like you suggested. He loves doing chores for fun so that is an excellent idea thank you =)


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## Midnight_Fairy

Hiya, I am shocked at what your husband saw :( I would write a letter to governors stating if this is not solved INSTANTLY you will be contacting Ofsted and welfare officer. Its not on at all. :( x


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## lisa35

I'm shocked at what I have just read, what if something serious happened to your child then the school would have a different story. I really hope you sort something out, no child should go through that. The difference with my daughter yes she got bullied but then they realised they had picked on a wrong one and it backfired, but then she was made out to be the bad one, you can't win.


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## sun

OMG how awful for your son! No child should have to endure that every day. :(
Sorry I have no advice, but wanted to offer lots of hugs :hugs:


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## AimeeM

Small update first post :flower:


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## Midnight_Fairy

well done sticking your ground hun. Funny how she continently found time to see you hey. Make sure you throw some words into your convo..Ofsted, Governors, School Policy, Welfare Officer etc just so she knows you mean business. Also...If you can record the convo on phone I would do that- If not write notes about what you have agreed. Make her sign and date it so you have proof of your convo x


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## AimeeM

Yeah I thought how convenient she suddenly found the time! Thanks for your suggestions, will defo pop some subtle but threatening words in there hehe. Will let you know how we get on!


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## Midnight_Fairy

Good luck :D xx:flower:


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## lisa35

Good luck :flower:


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## BabyBoo36

Hope it goes well. Let us know how you get on xx


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## sophxx

Where abouts in Yorkshire are you? Is there a Steiner school nr you? I hope you can diet something out for tour little boy. It must be heart break g for you x


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## AimeeM

Thanks everyone.

Well I saw the head and his learning support mentor on Tuesday night. They have put together a circle of friends group for Kayden which is a group of similar pupils for Kayden to play with and get to know and help build his social skills.
They meant to do this three times before which they didn't and I made sure I made them aware I was not happy it wasn't set up before. They have set it up now though so hopefully he will have a group of friend he will enjoy spending breaks with.

They also seemed to think that it is not a case of bullying but more a case of Kayden trying to befriend the wrong kind of boys and when they knock him back due to his very sensitive nature he might feel a bit picked on.
I did speak to Kayden about this and he said he supposed it could be the case so the circle of friends should hopefully eradicate this problem and keep him away from the rougher types.

They seemed to think that Kayden hasn't been reporting acts of violence toward him to them and they showed me the accident report sheets, there were a couple of incidents that weren't bad ones so I have told Kayden he must report everything to the staff or nothing can be done.

He was back at school on Wednesday so we are going to see how he gets on. He also has joined another group on a Wednesday and Thursday dinner time so that is a bit less time in the playground.


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## RebeccaG

I am so pleased to hear things are improving! We have used circle of friends a few times in our school and it seems to work so I really hope it does for your son! Please keep us updated, have been thinking about you!!! x


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## chezziepie

aww bless him, i really do feel for you they did sod all about bullying in my school and seemed to favour the girl that actually made up lies etc what i would say is if they don't do anything now write everything down and send it to your MP they are fab and have to do something.


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## Midnight_Fairy

How do you feel about things now??x


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## JASMAK

I would keep a close eye on the school. I don't trust the schools. I have been lied to so many times, and honestly, they are just CYA. I would go to the school during recess and watch. I have done that many times. Advocate...keep doing what you are doing. Don't let them get away with anything.


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## AimeeM

Thanks ladies, he seems happier now they have done the friend circle. I am keeping a close watch on him to look out for signs that he is not happy, I know schools help can slide so will defo keep check on it xx


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