# How and when do you tell your rainbow baby about his sibling?



## AlwaysPraying

I lost a boy in the 2nd tri to trisomy 13, completely devistated, he was full blown affected with zero chance at surviving outside the womb. 

I've since given birth to a healthy boy who's now 8.5 months. 

I'm wondering when and how I go about telling him about his brother? I want him to know, but obviously it's such a tragedy and so hard to understand (we don't "understand" how and why, so it's impossible to expect him to be settled with it).


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## readytta

So sorry to hear about your loss. Congrats on the birth of your boy. I'm not sure when is best, id din't want to read and run. I think you will know when is best when the time comes x.


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## catcatcat

I had a mc in dec which was early so nowhere near as real as it was for you to loose an older baby but i was devestated at time i have 2 dd's who are 6 & 3. They knew i was upset i just told them the truth that baby had died noone knew why that it just happens sometimes and is part of life. They were fine with this. Its amazing how young children just accept these things much better than we do. Dont keep your angel baby a secret from him just mention it in simple terms kids ask loads of questions and the right chance to mention it wil come up. Sorry for your loss


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## shelleney

So sorry for your loss.
I lost my baby to an ectopic pregnancy last year, and I am pregnant again.
I plan on telling my rainbow baby about my angel as soon as they are old enough to understand. I will explain in simple terms, that they shouldve had an older brother or sister, but they died in Mummy's tummy.
I hope that helps. Take care Hun xx


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## AfterAbigail

We have brought two excellent children's books in preparation for this: 
1. "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead" and
2. "Someone came before you" 
Both of these books are written by Pat Schwiebert. They are really lovely and I hope to read them to my Rainbow (fingers crossed) that all ends well in a couple of weeks time!


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## tweedy

with all of my losses i would not of had my daughter, or this ongoing pregnancy, if I hadn't of lost them, so i don't think i will ever mention it, until they are old enough to be going through it themselves, possibly in their late teens. 

i don't want my daughter to feel like she wasn't meant to be, or a replacement for someone else, as i feel the total opposite, i am at peace with my losses because i would not have her otherwise.

i am sure it is different to have actually held and named your baby, or for it to be a good gap between them, but because of my circumstances i don't think i will share it.

i do have certificates on the wall, as i named stars for all my angel babies, so if they ever ask, i will be open and honest, but it's not like they would have had any extra siblings in the family, so i don't want them to be feeling the loss.

i do have friends who have had a sibling die before they were born and they have photos and wee keepsakes from them, their parents just talked about their brother as if he was always part of the family and when queried, even at a young age, they just said that's joe, he died before i was born, so natural.


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## cupcakemomma

I just want to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss. One of my close friends's baby passed away just after birth, due to Trisomy 13. I don't know how I would handle the situation with your son, I'm sure whatever you choose to do will be best :)


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## fides

i'm so sorry for your loss.

we plan to tell our rainbow baby about his/her missing sibling, and i suppose when we feel it's the right time, we will - i just don't have a plan yet. 



shelleney said:


> So sorry for your loss.
> I will explain in simple terms, that they shouldve had an older brother or sister, but they died in Mummy's tummy.

I think that's a good idea - probably how we'll end up saying it.



AfterAbigail said:


> We have brought two excellent children's books in preparation for this:
> 1. "We were gonna have a baby, but we had an angel instead" and
> 2. "Someone came before you"
> Both of these books are written by Pat Schwiebert. They are really lovely and I hope to read them to my Rainbow (fingers crossed) that all ends well in a couple of weeks time!

These sound like good books - i will certainly need to check them out - thanks!!


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## srm0421

I haven't shared my early m/c with the boys but they knew I was pg with Gage and so we told them right away. They do not know the extent of what he had just that he was sick. Since we plan to celebrate Gage's birthday yearly the boys know it is on my mom's b-day and the day before Daddy's so it will be a part of our lives when this baby comes. I think we will just celebrate it until s/he is old enough to ask whose b-day we are celebrating. I gave birth to Gage in August and he was due in October and we didn't get pg until Feb so I do not think there is a worry that if I had Gage s/he would not be here but I think it is a personal decision that you will have to address when you think the time is right.


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