# Help - my toddler suddenly wants us to sit with her til she falls asleep!



## wishingonastar

I'd be grateful for any help you can provide as I already have to lay on the bed feeding my baby to sleep then resettle her that way several times an evening and now my toddler has decided she needs me or my OH to sit with her til she dozes off...i feel like my entire evening is spent silently in a darkened room!!!!

My toddler has self settled since about 5 months by sucking her thumb and snuggling her blankie so she's perfectly capable, but since moving her to a big girl bed she's demanded we sit with her else she screams and cries like a banshee :(

At nursery she has her nap in a big girl bed and they tuck her in awake then shut door and off she goes so why can't she do it at home??????

HELP! :help:


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## OmarsMum

How old is your baby & toddler? Maybe she's a bit jealous & feels left out at bedtime as you settle the baby to sleep? It sounds like she's seeking some attention. 

I dont have much advise Hun, Omar used to self settle in his cot until he was 8.5 months, then he went through a sleep regression & needed help to fall asleep. Now we co-sleep & I put him in bed & sometimes I cuddle him to sleep for bedtime & naptime xx


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## wishingonastar

thanks for your reply :)
my baby is 7 months old and has needed feeding to sleep since birth...only thing that we can think triggered the change is about a month ago she was poorly and where she was so delicate she was hard to settle and began refusing to be laid down to sleep in cot so we rocked her or let her lay on her toddler bed then left the room when she fell asleep...now she only wants to sleep in toddler bed and not her cot but refuses without us staying with her

OH is currently up there and has been for last 1 and a quarter hours cos she screams when he leaves but won't doze off :roll:


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## hattiehippo

Tom is going through a phase of this too at the moment at nearly 2. He wants me to sit next to his bed holding his hand until he is asleep. If he really had his way I'd lay down with my head on his pillow but I've refused to do this cos it makes my neck really sore. If I sit with him he's asleep within about 20 mins, if I don't it takes over an hour with alot of crying.

It could be a combination of her age - feeling more insecure now she's getting more independent and isn't a baby and then wanting to have cuddles like the baby? 

I'm def finding with Tom that as he's getting older and pulling away from me in the day and when we're out and about, he's more needy at times like bedtime and wants to play at being a baby on and off - if he's got a beaker of milk I have to hold it for him even though he can do it easily.


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## meggabear

how about making a very special routine to celebrate and show her to positives of having a big girl bed now? I currently just have my 1yo, but having raised my younger siblings I noticed that when another edition was getting nighttime attention, they would do the same or "revert back" so what i started doing was telling them " ok, it's dillans story time" and read them as many of their favorite books as they wanted ( or thought they could stay up through haha!) and just a hunch, but at day care where the big girl bed is she might associate it with it being the day cares, and now that she has one in her house she might feel uneasy about it because she might have relied on her old bed being at home. it will pass as she has to get accustomed to a change, and sometimes kids are not so good with changes in their 'territory' so to speak.


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## rosie272

hattiehippo said:


> Tom is going through a phase of this too at the moment at nearly 2. He wants me to sit next to his bed holding his hand until he is asleep. If he really had his way I'd lay down with my head on his pillow but I've refused to do this cos it makes my neck really sore. If I sit with him he's asleep within about 20 mins, if I don't it takes over an hour with alot of crying.
> 
> It could be a combination of her age - feeling more insecure now she's getting more independent and isn't a baby and then wanting to have cuddles like the baby?
> 
> I'm def finding with Tom that as he's getting older and pulling away from me in the day and when we're out and about, he's more needy at times like bedtime and wants to play at being a baby on and off - if he's got a beaker of milk I have to hold it for him even though he can do it easily.





I could have written this myself Hattiehippo - for the past 3 or 4 weeks Charlie will NOT go to sleep with out me lying down with him, chatting about the day and holding his hand after reading about 20 books :wacko: He's never self-settled EVER! It only takes about 15 minutes till he's asleep then I can sneak off (but more often these days I've been falling asleep too and waking up at silly hours of the morning :dohh:) but I'm thinking we've gotten into such a habit with it now! It doesn't really bother me yet as I like peaceful beditmes, but am worried about moving house really soon and having to get him to settle in his own bed again and it's gonna be hard! Eeeek - not looking forward to that! 
OP - maybe your LO will outgrow it or maybe just stick with it for now if it's not too much of a problem, just a little seperation anxiety perhaps? :flow:


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## Racheldigger

Rowan is just the same, and has been this way now for a couple of months. She's determinedly independent at bedtime: sits on her little chair next to me for her story, rather than on my knee; cleans her own teeth and won't let me help; drags her little chair over to the cot and climbs in; settles down and pulls the covers over herself... then she says "You stay with me for a little while!" and if I don't sit with her, she cries. Sometimes she dismisses me after a few minutes - "You go away now! I want a kiss!" - but more often I fall asleep on the chair and wake up an hour later, stiff and annoyed. I'm assuming she will eventually grow out of this by herself.


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## emmajc88

Lilly is doing exactly the same, but she's having really bad tantrums with it aswell, if I leave her room.she screams so much she is sick, I have a day off work today so I'm going to simplify her room and put a cd player in there with lullabys like they do at her nursery and see if it makes a difference because like you its taking up all of my evenings to settle her and I'm.exhausted and I need her to get back to normal before the baby arrives xx


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## Pessimistic

Same here with my 2 year old, she has been like this since shortly before we had a new baby and she still wants us to sit there now. For us it must be her feeling insecure or left out.


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## PrincessLeah

We went through the same when Leah started walking. The way I saw it, we had two choices - sit by the cot or do some kind of sleep training. At first we tried CIO. I'm not suggesting that this is right for you as we all know that every child is different. We had done CIO before with Leah when she was five months old and it had worked like a charm. But doing CIO with her this time was a nightmare and she didn't respond to it at all. In fact, the quality of her sleep deteriorated at night time and she began dropping her daytime naps even though she was shattered by mid afternoon each day. Leaving her to cry (read: scream) in her cot even seemed to shake her to the core, like in herself she just wasn't right. After a few nights, we dropped the CIO method and began to sit with her for naps and bedtime. For the first week it seemed to take forever for her to go to sleep. It was summertime so I was able to read a book by the cot with one hand while I was holding her hand with my other. Gradually though, she began to get off to sleep alot quicker, usually within 10 -20 minutes each time. It's only now, six months later that she is beginning to grasp self settling.
So even though I know it's of little comfort to you right now, I would suggest sitting with her and seeing it through. It's a phase and it will pass .. eventually :flower:


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## lepaskilf

My LO is like this too, he's 2 yrs and 3 months and from 9 months old has settled himself and slept through everynight up until about 2 months ago!!! Arggh!!!

From reading this thread it seems like it's just a phase! I hope so and hope they grow out of it!

Are there any parents of 3yrs & up who can reasure us that it is a phase and they do grow out of it?!


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## wishingonastar

lepaskilf said:


> My LO is like this too, he's 2 yrs and 3 months and from 9 months old has settled himself and slept through everynight up until about 2 months ago!!! Arggh!!!
> 
> From reading this thread it seems like it's just a phase! I hope so and hope they grow out of it!
> 
> Are there any parents of 3yrs & up who can reasure us that it is a phase and they do grow out of it?!

yeah...was coming on to say this then saw your post and agree it's reassuring to see so many in similar boat that it must be a phase :) (fingers crossed!!!)

we can't face CIO and even when attempting CC she reacted negatively so we stopped. Decided to go with the flow of what she's asking but we are strict on if she has us in the room she is to lay down and not muck about else we will leave the room (have followed through on this and she went mental when OH left room but when he went back in on the third time she stopped mucking about, laid down and went to sleep!!!). Figure if she needs us there to sleep thats one thing but we won't allow extended playtime!


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