# Another day without seein my daughter!



## daveww

well here is the end to just another day of not seein my daughter not noin if she is safe well and happy, and there is absoloutly nothing i can do about it any time soon , lots more of these days to come in the future.


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## Laura2919

Do you not have contact with anyone at all from her family who would give you an update. Just to know she is well. :shrug: I cant imagine what your going through. :hugs:


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## Rhio92

:hugs:


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## dustbunny

You could look at it as one day closer though to finding a solution to getting your rights. Although I'm sure its hard to see it that way. :hugs:


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## daveww

well good night again people , still another day not noing how my daughter is! , ... maybe something for both men and women on this forum to think about ! ... if a mother or father wants to be involved think how u would feel if you did not no your son or daughter is safe and well and the legal system just said... go thro the proccess and be patient. ... rant over just needed to say that.


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## daveww

well another day goes by... love my daughter with all my heart cant wait till i can see her again :)


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## Rhio92

I can't imagine how hard it is for you :hugs:


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## Laura2919

Keep strong dude! Its only your ex that will have to answer questions when your daughter is older.. 

:hugs:


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## MummyJade

Agree with Laura, your ex will have to answer your daughters questions.... 

Hope you get to see her soon x


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## Laura2919

It makes me angry when I see mums do this. There is no reason for not letting you see her. 

Any news?


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## bek74

It makes me so sad when couples split and one or both use their child as a pawn :(. Hope u see her soon *hugs*


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## daveww

i hope so too :) , i got another letter from my solicitor yesterday with a copy of the letter that has been sent to the mother.. it basicaly requests specific days and times for access and also a refferal to mediation , but considering she did not bother to respond to the previous letter i pressume it will just go straight in the bin :(
I have already accepted the fact i will not be seeing my daughter this christmas and i will just have to continue this long long process and hopefully by around march time next year i should be able to see my daughter :D
i wanted to go right ahead with the court proceedings but apprantly the court will not entertain you unless you have demonstrated you have tried every other alternative to resolve the situation , hence the reason its such a long process


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## emlubu

It's really sad because my daughters didn't bother seeing her for a long period of time and I wanted him to... He does on a Saturday now but he didn't and men like u wow u keep fighting as your want your daughter!! All credit to u mate.


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## daveww

well just had a phone call from mediation ..... its in a weeks time on my birthday!!! , i belive in fate so am taking this as a very positive sign :D


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## bambinoccino

Thats great news mate! 

Keep your chin up, getting contact is hardest bit when the mum is being a b*tch. Even if mediation goes well I would push for a court order. Once you've got a court order it tends to settle down abit! 

Make sure you go for 6 monthly reviews as well! x


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## Laura2919

Ahh thats fantastic news dude. :) I so hope it works out for ya :)


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## daveww

bambinoccino said:


> Thats great news mate!
> 
> Keep your chin up, getting contact is hardest bit when the mum is being a b*tch. Even if mediation goes well I would push for a court order. Once you've got a court order it tends to settle down abit!
> 
> Make sure you go for 6 monthly reviews as well! x

yeh i will be getting a court order without a doubt so its legally binding... have you been to mediation or court ? would you be able to advise me on what happens at mediation for example?


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## bambinoccino

daveww said:


> bambinoccino said:
> 
> 
> Thats great news mate!
> 
> Keep your chin up, getting contact is hardest bit when the mum is being a b*tch. Even if mediation goes well I would push for a court order. Once you've got a court order it tends to settle down abit!
> 
> Make sure you go for 6 monthly reviews as well! x
> 
> yeh i will be getting a court order without a doubt so its legally binding... have you been to mediation or court ? would you be able to advise me on what happens at mediation for example?Click to expand...

I kind of have, I attended a mediation session but my Ex didnt turn up, The woman was nice, spoke to me about my feelings on the problems, what I wanted out of mediation, what kind of access would suit us etc... 

It would have been the mediator spoke to me, then spoke to him, then we all would have into a room together and tried to be adults haha. 

You'll be fine as long as you stay calm and remember that this is about you and your daughter and feelings towards your ex are a seperate issue.


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## daveww

bambinoccino said:


> daveww said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bambinoccino said:
> 
> 
> Thats great news mate!
> 
> Keep your chin up, getting contact is hardest bit when the mum is being a b*tch. Even if mediation goes well I would push for a court order. Once you've got a court order it tends to settle down abit!
> 
> Make sure you go for 6 monthly reviews as well! x
> 
> yeh i will be getting a court order without a doubt so its legally binding... have you been to mediation or court ? would you be able to advise me on what happens at mediation for example?Click to expand...
> 
> I kind of have, I attended a mediation session but my Ex didnt turn up, The woman was nice, spoke to me about my feelings on the problems, what I wanted out of mediation, what kind of access would suit us etc...
> 
> It would have been the mediator spoke to me, then spoke to him, then we all would have into a room together and tried to be adults haha.
> 
> You'll be fine as long as you stay calm and remember that this is about you and your daughter and feelings towards your ex are a seperate issue.Click to expand...

thats helpfull to no, i can certainly tell them the kind of access i want so they can relay that to the mother, but as far as sitting in a room together and being adults i will also "haha" lol


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## daveww

feeling very frustrated :( ... still no response to solicitors letters and no response to attend mediation , i understand why the court requests you try other methods first but this is just stupid , they have to allow the mother time to respond (which she wont) so its not going to be at the earliest late january early febuary when a court date is set , i then have to wait till that court date which will probably be around march. 
this is time i can never get back with my daughter and a christmas i will not spend time with her!. its a very cruel thing


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## Laura2919

Keep strong. :hugs: you can do it and if you keep going you will eventually see her. You'll get there! And remember, your being the best dad you can be and fighting to see her. Its your ex who will have to answer it all.. 

Keep your chin up xx


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## bambinoccino

Agree with Laura completly. You are being a great Dad and although it difficult for you to see because of the grief of not seeing your daughter. You are doing the right thing and you will get there in the end! x


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## FutureRewind

I'm having the exact same issues.. been to court twice, one court order already broken..well..ignored. I also did the mediation thing..4 hours long all in. I have to go to work now but will respond again when I get home. I havent seen my son for 2 weeks now... the last time it was 3 months. Awaiting another court date..again. Its gut wrenching. I assure you the courts will sort it out. its the waiting that hurts. Keep your eye on the long game.. as that's exactly what it is. Chin up mate.


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## MummyJade

Just think, every day is one day closer to seeing your daughter 
:hug: x


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## teal

:hug: xx


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## FutureRewind

daveww said:


> feeling very frustrated :( ... still no response to solicitors letters and no response to attend mediation , i understand why the court requests you try other methods first but this is just stupid , they have to allow the mother time to respond (which she wont) so its not going to be at the earliest late january early febuary when a court date is set , i then have to wait till that court date which will probably be around march.
> this is time i can never get back with my daughter and a christmas i will not spend time with her!. its a very cruel thing

Surely your solicitor can push for an interim court order to get you into a contact centre between now and Jan. It would look very bad on the mother's part if she refuses. Courts can be a nightmare. I had lodged a C2 last week after my son's mum broke the contact order and her father became abusive when i tried to tell help them by informing them they were wrong. I find out today I was supposed to be in court at 2pm but the court forgot to send out the papers so its another two week wait. Just be prepared for this kind of thing. I know it really sucks but if the mother is refusing access just out of vindictiveness they will see through it and you will get contact.. probably supervised building up to unsupervised over a period of weeks or months. It will happen..I can assure you of that. Most courts are pro-father if its clear the father is a decent man.

My ex tried to run me down in mediation..I was gobsmacked by some of things she said and nearly all were ignored. Just keep asking once a week for contact and allow the mum enough rope to hang herself. You might want to try your own approach in mediation if you havent got there yet. I had a session first as I was the applicant.. that is handy..believe me. Then my ex went in and then we went in together. The mediator was really nice and she put my ex in her place on a number of occasions. I've been blocked out of my ex's life since mediation and court the next day... so something got to her..most likely her control slipping away and that she knew she could no longer see me. I didnt say anything critical and all she had were half truths, ridiculous allegations, criticism and blame. She showed herself up to be who she is and the mediator made that clear to the judge in her report. 

You will get there. Just don't hassle the mum too much for contact now the legal process has begun as she can claim harassment. At this stage you need to be whiter than white. I know how it feels.. you didnt do anything wrong and you are being punished. Its twisted. Sadly there are so many dipshit fathers out there were all get tarred by the same brush.


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## Kacie

Agree with Future rewind really.

Courts, in essense are pro Dad in nearly all circumstances so you certainly never go without a contact order or arrangement for contact of some sort put in place. However this doesn't mean MOB will stick to it so keep records of all contact.. any excuses she gives not to turn up.. any absenses and take them back to court with you on the next apointment.

With regards to mediation. You have a meeting with the mediator and so will she... it's there that they will assess whether or not they think you should (a) be in the same room together during mediation or (b) if mediation will even work in your situation. it's quite straightforward.

My advice would be (for both court and mediation)..
It's good to have a list of the things you want to cover so you don't leave thinking you've forgotten something. 

Also have a realistic idea of contact.. both in the beginning (hard as it is, if your LO hasn't seen you in a while you may need to build up contact slowly).. and then your ultimate goal and the steps to get you there.

If you can show the court/mediator that you're being realistic and thinking of you LO all the way through then that should work in your favour.

not sure if that helps... 

Just make sure you tell the mediation that you accept the appointment and stick to it. then if she cancels or doesn't turn up that will be made apparent in court. 

xx


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## Kacie

You could maybe request you solicitor sends a letter to her to say that you have approached mediation and urge her to respond soon as you are willing to attend mediation to work through the matter

just shows another bit of evidence if she ignores that letter as well as the medition letter

xxxx


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## JA1988

I definitely think your solicitor should try and get you an interim contact order so you at least get to see your daughter before next year. Mediation is a grey area, I was invited to mediation before court, didn't attend and the judge didn't even question it. My reasons for not attending were that fob arranged it to take place over 5 hours away from where me and lo live, but the main reason I didn't waste my time was because he was applying for legal aid and to qualify you must show you have attempted mediation first and fob told me he had absolutely no intention of settling through mediation, he just arranged it as a formality so he could get public funding!


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## daveww

thanks very much for all your kind words and support, i had a meeting with my mediatior on friday and it seemed to be very positive, it is now just a case of waiting to see if the mother of the baby responds and attends mediation i do feel a little better as it feels as tho i am now moving forward and getting closer to seeing my daughter, i have to wait 14 days to see if she responds to the request to attend , im keeping my fingers crossed bcos i think mediation will be the fastest way to get to see my daughter.


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## ImaMale

buddy, get in touch with a solicitor ASAP. or at least say to her "im fighting for joint custordy" that might scare some sense into her, the courts will do you a DNA test and give you the rights you deserve, might take a few weeks but it'll be worth it, you might have to see her in a controlled environment but that'll change once you prove dedication, and if you dont know where she lives they can find her. trust me i know what you're going through and now i see my son twice weekly. fight for her mate.


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## daveww

ImaMale said:


> buddy, get in touch with a solicitor ASAP. or at least say to her "im fighting for joint custordy" that might scare some sense into her, the courts will do you a DNA test and give you the rights you deserve, might take a few weeks but it'll be worth it, you might have to see her in a controlled environment but that'll change once you prove dedication, and if you dont know where she lives they can find her. trust me i know what you're going through and now i see my son twice weekly. fight for her mate.

ive already been to a solicitor and have started legal proceedings but i no that mediation would allow me to see my daughter sooner so i thought that would be a good avenue to explore ... even tho i no she will not attend her intitial mediation appointment , i live in hope :)


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## ImaMale

if she doesnt attend it all goes in your favour and the courts will love you for the effort you've put in


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## mummy_ellie09

Just want to say that it's lovely to see that there are some dads out there that actually give a monkeys about their kids......wish my ex was like this 

Hope things get sorted for you soon :hugs:


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## daveww

i loved my daughter since the mother told me she was pregnant . its just so frustratin how the legal system works , i dont understand why thier can not be a way of me seeing my daughter while we go thro the process , i would even be happy to see her in a contact centre for the time being as the location i see my daughter does not matter aslong as we still get to spend time together , but febuary is still looking like the likely date , im learning a big life lesson in patience at the moment so with every negative thier is a positive i guess lol


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## daveww

well just got a letter from mediation saying the mother did not attend her first meeting. they now want to no if i would be prepared to continue with mediation and allow them to offer the mother another date for a first meeting. so i decided to ring them up and speak to them directly to which i found out the mother has not had any contact with them what so ever. so why would it be a good idea for them to send her another letter with another appointment date on that she will not attend???? back to the solicitors it seems.. was worth a try tho


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## MummyJade

Sorry she is doing this...
Its nice to see a dad that actually cares for him child... I hope you get some time with your LO soon... 

x


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## Laura2919

Sorry you still havent seen your daughter. I hope the solicitor can get you access soon.


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## daveww

Update..
had a call from the csa this morning... i had contacted the csa previously advising that i would like to make payments thro them so that everything was logged and the mother could not dispute payments i give her. now the mother has had sevral letters from my solicitor and two from the mediation service... each letter has had no reply..... back to the phone call... the man on the phone told me they had sent a letter to the mother stating that i had been in contact and wanted to set up a payment arrangement for my daughter if she agreed to accept the payments to get in touch with the csa to set this up.... surprise surprise within two days of this letter being sent out she was on the phone confirming she was happy to recieve the payments.. i gave the man from the csa my bank details etc so it could all be set up....... all my solictors letters and mediation letters have been ignored but when it comes to money there is no hesitation in replying... very frustratin but ive just got to keep pushing forward.


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## Laura2919

daveww said:


> Update..
> had a call from the csa this morning... i had contacted the csa previously advising that i would like to make payments thro them so that everything was logged and the mother could not dispute payments i give her. now the mother has had sevral letters from my solicitor and two from the mediation service... each letter has had no reply..... back to the phone call... the man on the phone told me they had sent a letter to the mother stating that i had been in contact and wanted to set up a payment arrangement for my daughter if she agreed to accept the payments to get in touch with the csa to set this up.... surprise surprise within two days of this letter being sent out she was on the phone confirming she was happy to recieve the payments.. i gave the man from the csa my bank details etc so it could all be set up....... all my solictors letters and mediation letters have been ignored but when it comes to money there is no hesitation in replying... very frustratin but ive just got to keep pushing forward.

Im sorry but she is being a right bitch. She is more than happy to accept your money while she is stopping you seeing your daughter. What a disgrace she is. :nope:


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## MummyJade

Laura2919 said:


> daveww said:
> 
> 
> Update..
> had a call from the csa this morning... i had contacted the csa previously advising that i would like to make payments thro them so that everything was logged and the mother could not dispute payments i give her. now the mother has had sevral letters from my solicitor and two from the mediation service... each letter has had no reply..... back to the phone call... the man on the phone told me they had sent a letter to the mother stating that i had been in contact and wanted to set up a payment arrangement for my daughter if she agreed to accept the payments to get in touch with the csa to set this up.... surprise surprise within two days of this letter being sent out she was on the phone confirming she was happy to recieve the payments.. i gave the man from the csa my bank details etc so it could all be set up....... all my solictors letters and mediation letters have been ignored but when it comes to money there is no hesitation in replying... very frustratin but ive just got to keep pushing forward.
> 
> Im sorry but she is being a right bitch. She is more than happy to accept your money while she is stopping you seeing your daughter. What a disgrace she is. :nope:Click to expand...

:thumbup: Agree, i hope you get to see her soon.. Your ex don't realise how lucky she is to have a man who actually cares and wants to be a dad to his child... x


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## daveww

thank you for your comments. i have no problem what so ever paying the money because i want my daughter to have everything she needs and dont want her missing out on things because her mother may not have the money to buy certain things.... i have to laugh to myself or ill probably break down and cry.. all the letters have been ignored apart from the one that concerns money. the best thing is its all legal and she does not have to respond to solicitor or mediation letters if she chooses not to... i just have to wait till court so theres another two months or so without seeing my daughter. i miss her so much and just want to hold her and take her for a ice cream (she loves ice cream) .... i will one day soon. i just need to be patient in the meantime which i am struggling to do !


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## Laura2919

daveww said:


> thank you for your comments. i have no problem what so ever paying the money because i want my daughter to have everything she needs and dont want her missing out on things because her mother may not have the money to buy certain things.... i have to laugh to myself or ill probably break down and cry.. all the letters have been ignored apart from the one that concerns money. the best thing is its all legal and she does not have to respond to solicitor or mediation letters if she chooses not to... i just have to wait till court so theres another two months or so without seeing my daughter. i miss her so much and just want to hold her and take her for a ice cream (she loves ice cream) .... i will one day soon. i just need to be patient in the meantime which i am struggling to do !

Well it cant be easy. I am sure of that. I think it must make it worse that she is purposely ignoring letters regarding visitation and contact but will willingly accept a letter regarding money. :nope: thats really annoying for me and I am not in your situation. 
It will one day work itself out. I hope you can get it sorted sooner rather than later and you will then get to take her for ice cream. :)


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## FutureRewind

Dave mate.. just keep doing what you're doing. You are a credit to your daughter and even more so when you read most of the stories on this forum. I feel every ounce of your pain. Havent seen my son in 7 weeks now though I will see him in a contact centre on xmas eve. Its the first time I will be 'alone' with him. I'm in tears thinking about it. Some people are just bitter and alot of the hurt comes from not being able to do anything when we all know you've done nothing wrong. 

If you read my last post my ex broke the contact order, her father was abusive when I pointed this out and then they tried to guilt trip me by saying I should try harder..WTF?? 

Just to have a little selfish rant and let you know about the court's workings and the lengths some people will go to in their spitefullness.... be warned!

We had a pre-arranged date for court last week for xmas contact until this drugs allegation was sorted. The whole day became about the previously broken court order. My ex and her dad accused my solicitor of forging the previous court order by inserting a line that all vists were to be away from her house. Nice one! The judge laughed it out of court and told my ex (who was crying at the thought of going in front of the judge) that she clearly couldn't read. I was to take a drugs test for cannabis but the judge decided to give me unsupervised instead but collecting my son from a contact centre so I could be quickly checked if I was smoking.

He knew I'd given up my two joints a week months ago but he had a duty to investigate any allegation, however absurd. When her solicitor complained the judge decided I was to have 3 blood tests for the next month until Feb when I'd get unsupervised. That would only show if I had smoked in the last 2-3 days. He didnt even want to consider the allegations or anything from my past among another zillion things thrown at me... but her solicitor insisted. The judge made my ex stand up and say I would have unsupervised if the test were clean. Since he knew they were, there was nowhere else for my ex to go. My ex's solicitor was also told off for basically being crap. The child welfare officer/mediator decided my ex was still too hostile for me to have unsupervised and since they carry alot of weight with the judge it was decided a half way house in a contact centre until Feb was best for all involved. This leaves no room for my ex to put up any further obstacles for unsupervised. They protected my son's right to have an independent relationship with his father..and they WILL do the same for you. I have to pay 200 for taxis for the next month to get my ex and her son to the centre but its a small price to pay. Money that would have been better spent on my boy.

But its never the end when you're dealing with intrinsically bitter people. I contacted my ex about what i should get my son for xmas. I don't know what he's got already. She already had my suggestion so I left it until the next day and asked if she had any other suggestions. Cue a nasty message saying not to bother..he had all he needs but she'l have 100 quid for her oil bill and how big of me it was not have given her it already. I did say I would help her but I decided not to after her poor attitude the last month or so. Before the previous court date.. back in Nov we were getting along ok during supervised visits and I offered her more financial help. I got a load of nappies, milk etc and said I'd give her 100 for oil from a freelance job I was doing in a few weeks. This is on top of the 165 I pay her each month. Since then we had court, mediation, I was blocked online for nothing, she wouldnt give me her dads number to arrange contact, her father was abusive, they broke the order, tried to guilt trip me for pointing out their error, and I was ignored 3 times when I tried to keep in touch with her and asking about my son. And I'm the one with the problem for not giving her more money after that??? Who really cares about my boy here? Just watch out... and never react. Chin up mate.


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## chrisbinder1

Its really sad...i cant even imagine the pain you are going through.Its very very painfull for any mother to spend even i single day without her child.I will pray for u.


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## daveww

being a difficult christmas this year.. still have not seen my daughter and missing her so much.. all i can do is keep my fingers crossed wherever she is and whatever she is doing she is havin a lovely time. roll on 5th january when i see my sol next and hopefully i might get some progress


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## Laura2919

I'm sorry you havent had the best Christmas and that you havent seen your daughter yet. I hope that when you get to see her soon.


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## blinkybaby

Just read this all the way through, so sorry your ex is being so obstructive. It really isn't fair on your daughter. She deserves a relationship with you. As a previous poster said, your ex is the one who have to answer those difficult questions when she's older. Hope your case makes quick progress.x


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## MummyJade

Dave i hope you get somewhere on the 5th, its bloody stupid... She is so lucky to have a man who actually cares about his daughter... My FOB has ditched our daughter and no longer wants her...

Makes me mad that there are some women (and men) that use their children as weapons... 
Fingers crossed you get to see your daughter soon

xx


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## Rhio92

:hugs: x


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## saitiffeh

Good luck to you, some women think they have all the rights in the world =/


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## Laura2919

Hope tomorrow brings you better news..


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## emlubu

Hi Dave I must say I wish a lot of men where like u.... Trying soooooo hard to achieve your outcome... Your daughter is one special girl and lucky to have u. My ex is sooooo different and I've Reyes so many time for him to see out girl and when he actually does he messes about calls us name threatens up and then contact goes back a few steps just wish he would behave and it would be grand but he never learns. Hope u get what u are so desperate to have!!! U deserve it. X


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## blaze777

Hi Dave :flower:
I just want to say that although it's a long haul, one day your daughter will be asking the questions of her mother and why she has not been able to see you!
My dad did not see his children for 10 years as their mother took them 400 miles away. She also made some very harsh accusations about my dad when he applied for full custody. She was an alcoholic and beat the children, but would not allow my father to take them, so they were in foster care for a year.
Fast forward to this year and just after xmas my sister came to stay with me. Within an hour of being here, she asked to meet our dad. He met her the next morning and they spent a lot of time together while she was here. 
My father is now the happiest man on the planet.

So although it may take time, just remember, you'll have all the proof that you fought to see her, and the mother won't have a leg to stand on when your daughter starts asking questions xxx


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## CelticStar

I've just read this thread from the beginning and I just wanted to say that you're an amazing person and your daughter is so lucky to have a Dad like you.
I really hope everything goes your way and you get the contact you deserve regardless of your ex. :hugs:


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## daveww

thanks for everyones kind words of support :) ... went to my sol on thurs to get the forms submitted to the court... family courts apparently are very busy tho so my case will be heard any where in the next 6 weeks to 3 months so just a question of being very patient again! ... just hope my lil girl is alright and happy in the meantime.


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