# Would love your opinions on having more than 1 child



## Deeper Blue

Hi everyone,

Spend most of my time in the toddlers forum but thought you guys could give me some insight if you could.

When my little girl was born I went through the phase of wanting another child -immediately- which eventually faded, and since my husband always insisted he only ever wanted one I put the idea on the back burner. Now Isla is reaching the 2 year mark I've occasionally mentioned to OH about having another and the other night he actually said he'd be happy with us having another if its what I wanted... so now the balls in my court I'm wondering if it is actually a good idea.

OH was an only child and said he was perfectly happy, not lonely in the slightest. I've got half brothers but grew up without them and had a great childhood. All of our parents have brothers and/or sisters but none of them get on with each other and some don't even talk at all. My dad said he used to argue with his brothers and sisters all the time. My brother has 3 children, and although he loves them all dearly he does say 3 kids is 3 kids too many and particularly thinks number three may not have been a good idea!

Am I just unlucky to be surrounded by all these negative experiences?! 

When we were trying for Isla I was -desperate- for her and I don't have that same feeling for a second... does that mean I shouldn't have another unless I get the feeling again? I know I would love another child if I had one and I don't want Isla to be lonely when she's older, but I'm not sure it's a good idea if it's really just going to be perpetual arguments between them.

*sigh* maybe I'm being too practical. 

I know everyone loves their children and wouldn't be without them but I guess my question is: are there more times when your a referee than a mum if you have more than one or is it easier than I think? Is it just my disfunctional family that has all these problems? Could they really get on like Charley and Lola? :)

Would love your opinions.

x


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## Deeper Blue

Oh dear! I guess I'll take the non-response as a bad sign! :dohh:


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## 3rdtimelucky

Hi hun. 

I grew up with 3 sisters and and when we were gounger of course we fought. Over silly stuff like who had the bigger room and why did we have to share a room, and which one robbed who's makeup.. etc. We drove eachother nuts. But now that we are older, I couldnt imagine life with out them, they are my back bone and I would be lost with out them! 

I have 3 children. 2 girls aged 9 and 6 and a 1 yr old son. My girls are the best of pals, and of course they have arguments over toys and the messy bedroom but overall they love eachother dearly. When my eldest goes to her friends for a sleepover my 6 yr old wonders around the house like a little lost sole, she is so bored without her! And also they love their little brother, drown him with affection! We plan to have another baby next yr so hopefully our youngest gets to experience the same kind of bond that our 2 oldest have! 

I wish you the very best in whatever you decide!


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## Deeper Blue

Awwww... that's so lovely to hear. It's that kind of bond in adulthood that I'd love Isla to have, and as morbid as it sounds I don't want her to be on her own when we're gone.

Thanks for the reply :flower:


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## kierley

Hi just read your thread and thought I'd write a response. While I am one of three girls there is a very big gap between me and my elder sisters of 13 & 16 years. I grew up more or less like an only child and while I didnt mind as an adult I have never felt close to my sisters or felt included in their lives. That said my OH is one of four boys and though they had their ups and downs growing up they are now all very close and three out of four work together they go cycling with each other and their cousins every sunday.

They have lots of funny stories of growing up and it made me feel like I missed out on that. When I met my OH I was a single parent of one son and vowed he would always be and only child. 6 years into our relationship we decided to try for a baby and my other son is now four baby three is on his way but was a big suprise. Though for my four year old it will be great as the gap between him and my eldest is so big they dont really get on as well as i'd like.


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## smelly07

I have two girls age 5 and a half and 18 months and after having my eldest, i didnt feel broody after having her at all and didnt want another child for awhile at least anyway and wasnt ready for ages, there is a 4 year age gap which i think is perfect and what i planned and was lucky enough to get it, i had 4 years with my eldest and loved every minute and had my youngest a few months before my eldest went to school which means i have quality time with my youngest when her sister is at school.... it is SO lovely having two, they get on so well and play beautifully together and i am glad they will have each other (i grew up with 3 brothers and always felt like the odd one out, so its nice having my girls) although after my youngest i was incredibly broody which did go eventually,We dont want anymore though 2 is more than enough. x


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## N1kki

well i'm on m 2nd now and this be my last,i honestly couldnt handle anymore then that!hats go off to all mums with more then 2! :)


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## Jasiellover

I grew up in a family of 6 - counting me. My mom was always so busy and stressed (who wouldn't be with 6 kids) but I can honestly tell you we all LOVE being a big family. We do a lot of family things together and it's just really nice to have everyone around. So it's not always bad and negative to have a big family. Having two children will be more work but if you really want one I would say go for it. Woman like me don't even have the option to have a big family. You're a lucky woman :) Don't force yourself to have one though if your hearts not in it. Good luck!


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## Gen79

I've known plenty of families where the siblings are very close and I'd like that for my kids in the future too. Of course I've known families, like yours, where they aren't that close but it doesn't have to be that way. I don't think you can predict how it'll be though, it all depends on all the different personalities involved, including the one who isn't even conceived yet. I think you just have some soul searching to do to decide how you envision your life in the next 5, 10, 20 years and later.


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## Midnight_Fairy

I had my 2 close in age. There is a 21mth age gap. I cant imagine it any other way to be honest. It does have pros and cons but more pros in my opinion. I am only ever having 2 children though :D x


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## Mumof42009

I have 4 children 12,8,4 and 15 months they all have there moments where they fight etc but put it down to the oldest 3 being girls and hormones lol. They are all really close though and the girls all help out with there brother, I would have more if I had the money and knew I wouldnt have another preemie x


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## pinkie77

I have 3 kids aged 9 (boy) and girls 11 and 13. I'm also pregnant with no.4 due any time now (hint hint lol)

Yes at times my kids fight like cat and dog, usually my middly with either the oldest or youngest. But they also love each other to bits and woe betide anyone that hurts one of them! They are very very close and I hope that will continue as they grow up.

If anything, the regret that I have is that there's such a big age gap between my 3rd and 4th children and worry that my baby will miss out because of this. So I guess there's always two sides to the coin! Good luck with whatever you choose hun x x


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## Elli21

Hi :hi:

I love my brothers and sisters :cloud9: 
We would argue over everything, they would wind me up something crazy (im the eldest)

What i remember the most, was when i was about 9. My sister was 3, and i used to get bullied at school, and every night i would go to bed scared of what i would have to deal with at school the next day.
My sister at 3, would wake up, climb into my bed, and cuddle me and tell me i was the best. She helped me sleep. :)

As we grew, so did our patience for eachother, our love for one another and now, i couldnt and wouldnt be without them.

When i had Leigha, i was happy with just her! It was my OH wanting another, and i agreed. 
My children get on fantastically, they argue and fight, but they also cuddle up and watch a film, they share, and they look after eachother.
Im now pregnant with number 3 and this one is definately my last.

Im a firm believer in, you KNOW when you are done with having children. :hugs:


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## coccyx

I had 2 then 5 year gap then 2 close together again. four children is great, would never have wanted just one.


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## A3my

I was one of three sisters and loved growing up with them. I always wanted more than one child and have daughters aged 10 and 9 and then I had Alex who is 8 months. The girls are really really close and they absolutely adore Alex so its worked out really well for us. I think its a personal choice though, you have to do what suits you and your family best :hugs:


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## Tudor Rose

i have 3 kids 6, 5 and almost 6 months, i said no more. but now i look at my youngest and the close bond between the older 2 and wonder if shes gonna be left out. so baby 4 could be on the cards yet, not that DH knows yet.

i was 1 of 3 and i think more so as you get older having someone there to turn to. Even though i was 1 of 3 and DH was 1 of 2 we only have small extended family so we always said we.d have a few kids.


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## morri

Can't say a lot , but I know that in Germany it is more often to be a single child (or only have one sibling) than it is in the UK and the US , The US though has a far higher rate than the UK too... I think if you are happy with one you should be okay, and if you don't have the feeling of being alone than why should your daughter.


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## LittleLady04

My 3 girls (5,2 and 1) are the best of friends. Yeah, they fight and fall out all the time, but they Love each other so much. Playing referee is just a small part of my role as a Mum. There is nothing nicer than seeing them play a game together or seeing the older looking after one of the little ones.
xxx:flower:


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## Abz1982

I would say it is hit or miss. I am one of 2, OH is one of 4. And yes, we all argued as kids - my sister and I really really argued but I think that was due to how close in age we were, 21 months - so not close enough, but a big enough gap that she wanted to copy me but was a pain! 
OH and his littlest bro are 11 months and they are close. 

We have gotten closer as we get older, but we are totally different personalities - polar opposites. 

The is no right or wrong answer as its like a tombola, you do not know what you are going to pull out of the hat! I know when it comes to horses I have seen 2 of thebest horses breed numerous fab foals, and then along comes the bad egg. You never know where it will land though. Or how people will get on. 
It will also depend on your temperament - do you like noise, do you mind mess, are you a mediator? My parents are VERY similar in personality - my mum is an only child and my dad is one of 4. She grew up spoilt and my dad grew up with everyone expecting a lot of him, so different environments, but their personalities came out the same. 

There are so many variables! I toy with the idea of another, but financially it is not viable for a few years. Emma was the perfect baby, and is a smart kid, but she is also keen to be the centre of attention and does not know how to share - despite going to nursery (well she will only share with one of my mates kids strangely!), and I do wonder if another may help this and she may grow up better, but then would her being demanding make her more sucessful in later life? Who knows!


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## jakey1

There's 4 years between me and my brother and we have always had a great relationship - can't imagine what it would have been like growing up without him. I have boy/girl twins and deffo wont be having anymore as I really have my work cut out but had I only had one baby then I definately would have wanted another so that they had a little brother/sister xx


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## LaaLaa

Mine have their Charlie and Lola moments! 

My view is that kids need other kids. Ideally, siblings but if you're sticking to one I'd be prepared for a lot of lunch dates, sleepovers and trips out with friends. Mums of singles need to be prepared to put in that extra bit of effort so their kids don't get lonely.

That's my view, anyway!


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## pinkflamingo

I am one of 3 and have always wanted to have lots of children. DH was an only child but grew up with his 2 cousins who are all close in age, so that was almost like having 2 brothers for him.

SS is an only child and now he is 13 you can tell that he has had quite a lonely childhood. He has always had kids around him in school and after school club, but sadly playdates during holidays etc were never encouraged when he was younger. I think he has had some issues making friends at school over the years too. Because he is an only child (and until recently the only child in the family) he got all the attention from the adults in the family, and that has almost made him a bit cocky. When he meets new kids I think they find him a bit too much at times and so he has trouble with this. DH has spoken to him about not being so overpowering with people, but it's just the way he has been allowed to grow up really.

If we go on holiday he always wants to find someone young to play with in the pool etc, and most of the other kids are all playing happily with their brothers and sisters. I think he has found it harder as he has gotten older. He knows that we are wanting to have children and i do worry that when he sees his half siblings grow up together that he won't feel a part of that bond due to the age gap and the fact that they will be growing up together, whilst he will just see them once a fortnight. And as I mentioned he has always had attention from all the adults in the family (but now another grandchild has been born), but when we have spoken about having children he says that he won't get as much attention from people / not as many presents etc etc and that he won't like that! I understand that it is natural for kids to feel like this, but I would expect that worry to come from a younger child as opposed to a 13 year old!

If I have a choice in the matter I will definately want more than one child. Personally about 3 or 4. Everyone is different though so it's all about what fits in with you and your life.

xx


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## Midnight_Fairy

LaaLaa said:


> Mine have their Charlie and Lola moments!
> 
> My view is that kids need other kids. Ideally, siblings but if you're sticking to one I'd be prepared for a lot of lunch dates, sleepovers and trips out with friends. Mums of singles need to be prepared to put in that extra bit of effort so their kids don't get lonely.
> 
> That's my view, anyway!

I agree. Mine always have each other when we go to parks, bowling etc and when they are at home, they play together like Hide N seek etc etc. There is 21mths between them and they have their moments but they are best of friends really :D


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## Kittee

I decided to go ahead and have another one (its baking in my oven right now! LOL) because I felt it was important for DD to have a life long person to confide in. Lets face it, we won't be here forever and I wanted her to have someone to be there for her when we are gone. 

I am an only child and the prospect of being the sole caretaker of my parents frightens me. They are getting up in age now and I'm all they have to take care of them.

That aside, growing up was lonely for me and sometimes even now I'm lonely and wish I had a sibling to just simply call up on the phone sometime. 

So even though I loved my DD being my only, I am welcoming another baby to our family so we can have more family to count on. :)

Good luck on your decision!


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## Jellybellymom

I have 3 kids, 7,6 & 5 - so one a year - just as well I did it that way cos if they had become toddlers first I may never have had another!! They are best of friends and worst enemies in equal measures. It is tough, and I do sometimes look at my friends who just have one child and think "you don't know how lucky you are"!! But I get so much joy from them, and they have certainly taught me tolerance and patience, and given so much more back to me than I could ever have imagined. I guess in life you just have to do what feels right - good luck in whatever you decide


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## wonkeydonkey

I've just had my second child in Nov 2010 (baby boy) and my little girl is now nearly 6 years old (little girl). I think this is a good gap as my little girl is in a good routine and sleeping and i think this will rub off on my new baby boy. Also my little girl is able to understand what having a little brother is about and is willing to help out with the new arrival. She sits and reads books to him, plays with him when i need to do my jobs around the house and has baths with him. She's so gentle and good with him. It's been difficult going back to the sleepless nights again after my little girl sleeps so well at night as she has a full 12 hours a night, but these won't last forever.


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## Midnight_Fairy

After seeing my children play after school, hide and seek etc I am 100% sure the age gap is perfect and that I did the right thing x


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## embojet

There is a 3 year age gap between and my sister, and thats what I'm aiming for, as it was perfect for me x


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