# what do you do?



## isil

I think my OH and I are breaking up. I thought it was going to wait for a bit but after today and our arguing I'm not sure if he's coming home at all tonight. 

What do I need to do? Apply for benefits? Do I have to tell my parents right now? Where can I get support? Do I need to tell my landlord? I don't want Alasdair to be really affected by all of this. 

I feel a bit like I might be about to fall apart :cry:


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## Vickie

:hug: I don't know what to say :hugs: I didn't realize the two of you were having problems :( I know Stan and I have had some pretty big fights since Hannah was born (stress, lack of sleep etc.) Hope everything works out whatever happens


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## AppleBlossom

Hey hun, I know what you're going through, my ex walked out and never came back. Apart from seeing Grace obviously. I didn't tell my parents straight away and when I did I wrote a letter to explain. Go down to your local jobcentre and find out what you're entitled to. You can get support anywhere, friends, family even places like Citizens advice. I know it feels like the end of the world but it gets easier. You have Alasdair and that's all that matters. You need to get in touch with him though and see what's happening, it might not be the end :hugs: x


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## isil

thank you. I think things are going to end soon anyway...whether it's now or not :( I am half not bothered really, I know it's the right thing but I'm sad that I brought Alasdair into a family that I've broken.


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## AppleBlossom

I felt the same way about Grace. But you haven't broken anything hun. He has disappeared. Besides which it sounds like you were arguing a lot which is a mutual thing, takes two people to argue. If you ever need to talk you can pm me :)


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## Vickie

bethanylee said:


> thank you. I think things are going to end soon anyway...whether it's now or not :( I am half not bothered really, I know it's the right thing but I'm sad that I brought Alasdair into a family that I've broken.

:hug: You haven't broken anything. Sometimes relationships don't work out.


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## isil

thanks Bex, I think I just need to wait and see what happens. It's up to him now really. I'm shattered though and I'll probably wake up tomorrow morning and have no idea if he's even home or not lol.


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## isil

thanks Vickie...I'm not saying I wish I hadn't had Alasdair but I wish we were better at being a couple and parents for him :(


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## Vickie

I know you aren't! I was trying to type something about how if you hadn't gotten together you wouldn't have Ali which would be horrible but couldn't make it sound right ;)

hmm still don't think I made it sound right. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say :hug:


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## AppleBlossom

I feel bad on Grace's behalf because she hasn't got the family I've always wanted for my kids. But sometimes things don't work out and it's better to be apart than be constantly fighting and arguing around them. They're young but they pick up on things


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## isil

I just wish it would all go away or sort itself out or something. Thanks for listening girls!


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## Naya69

i think everyone wants the perfect family but in real life theres no such thing iam sorry to hear things are going wrong but dont be scared theres plenty of help out there for single mummys if your not working at the moment you will be entitled to income surport and housing/tax benefits. and then you will get child tax credit and child benefit and then when you want to go back to work you will be entitled to working tax credit which is about 80% of your child care costs not sure yet im not going back to work till josh is 1 so they havent gone through all this at the jobcentre yet x

i hope you feel better soon if you want any more info just pm me xx


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## xarlenex

I feel the same about the broken family thing, but as the other girls said somethings just dont work out, and although it might not seem it at the time, its more than likely for the best. 

I hope, if its what you want for the right reasons that you guys sort things out :hugs: xx


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## isil

it's over :cry:


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## Serene123

:hugs:


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## jen1604

:hugs: I'm sorry to read this.I dont really know you or your situation too well so I cant offer you much advice but just wanted to send hugs. :hugs: xx


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## xXhayleyXx

:hugs: 

Im around town tuesday if u wanna meet up for a coffee and a chat? Totally up to you the offers there xx


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## isil

thanks all. It'd be good to finally meet you Hayley! I'll pm you :) x 

I am really calm about it all now and actually feel better now that we've decided to end it. OH is going to have to stay living here til the end of March and I'm not particularly happy about that as when things happen like this I just want things to be sorted asap...if that makes any sense! 

Really never thought I'd be a single mum. So naive...


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## princess_bump

oh honey am so sorry to hear this :hugs: x


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## Vickie

:hug:


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## captain-ally

I don't think many of us ever thought we'd be single moms, but that's how it goes. You sound like a strong, realistic person - you'll be fine on your own (and by the sounds of it, he'll help out?) 

I wouldn't say anything to your landlord unless you've got proof you can afford the rent on your own. Mine wasn't too impressed when I told her what happened, but I had signed papers (an original copy for her as well) stating that my ex was paying the rent until december. I think the documentation was the only reason she didn't evict me on the spot.


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## isil

thanks Ally. My OH decided to ring the landlord but thankfully, she is fine with it she says she doesn't care who lives here as long as the rent is paid! lol. I'm really relieved about that. 

I think I just need my OH to move out so that we can kind of get on with things. He is moving back to his parents at the end of March. That's about 4 hrs away so I have no idea how often he is going to see Alasdair :( I do have my parents nearby though so I'm grateful for that.


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## Becky

You should get help with your rent from Housing Benefit so call your council about that also notify them your on your own there and you council tax will go down. 

I know its not the ideal situation but I just try to make the best of it he is going to loved just as much and its better this way than seeing you two arguing. 

Also a point that helped me which I understand is easier said than done but try not to bottle things up talk to people I bottled everything up and then spent a whole week basically in tears now I know I have friends that dont mind if I call them any time of the day to off load

big hugs xx


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## AppleBlossom

I get help with rent hun. Sorry to hear its definately over. I don't think any of us thought we'd be single mums but :shrug: we just have to get on with it and be strong for our LO's :hugs:


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## leeanne

:hug: I am sorry honey.


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## clairebear

Im so sorry to hear this sheona x 

If you ever need to talk im here for you :hug:


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## Foxxy

:hug: :hug: :hug:
Wish u be strong enough for the sake of ur LO!


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## Sovereign

Oh hun I'm sorry your relationship didn't work out and that it's definately over. It will be best for everyone all round though if you were arguing all the time. If I were you I would go into the job centre and ask them what benefits you are entitled to, they will be able to help you. Hope you're okay hun. x


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## bluebell

:hug: Only just seen this. Hope you're OK :hug:

xx


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## isil

thanks everyone, Ally and I are fine. Just getting on with it!


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## vegan_mama

bethanylee said:


> I think I just need my OH to move out so that we can kind of get on with things. He is moving back to his parents at the end of March. That's about 4 hrs away so I have no idea how often he is going to see Alasdair :( I do have my parents nearby though so I'm grateful for that.

i'm sure he'll manage to see Alasdair still, when i was a child my dad left when i was 7 and moved 6 hours away, but he got the coach up once every 3 months to spend a week with each other, and he still does it to see my younger siblings now.

you could also get a webcam with a mic. so they could see and talk to each other when alasdair is older.

sorry your going through this :hug:


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## dollygirlie

sounds like you are coping well, sometimes its good to have clear endings, better than arguments, around children, and you have your family close by, which is a godsend, like the lady above said internet communication is good to keep in touch, I have the same problem with my other half too, I just wished things were clear. But it sounds like you are positive and will get on with things, even when he does leave, I think you will do ok


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