# Please help!



## clownfish

Hi guys. Please help me. :( 

I'm 4w+5 and thought I was doing well. My temps have stayed really high, boobs really sore and I got a BFP Reading from 11 dpo using the cheapy Internet tests. 

I took the proper test on 14dpo and got an instant positive. 

I've been struggling as I had a MC before so have been using the cheap Internet tests every other day since and it's been great, as the li e gets darker and darker and it comes up instantly now. 

Did one yesterday morning and instant dark line, pretty much as dark as the control. Temp 36.7 All good. 

Wiped last night and there was blood. :(

no blood today but light brown residue. Temp 36.8!!! test line just as dark as before. 

No cramping but a dull ache down, heavy feeling down there. 


I'm going out of my mind. Can't believe thus is happening again! How can it be when my test result is so strong and my temp is still so high???? Boobs are still sore but can't tell if they are less sore than usual.... :(

Feel like I'm just waiting to be got now, :(


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## hb1

If this is stressing you out I would ask your dr to do quantative hcg tests - considering your history.

There's probably nothing to worry about - but getting a definate answer that the hcg is going up as it should might help you?

hope all is well

hx


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## babydancing

I am in the same boat as you...
all we can do it wait it out. spotting can be normal, so just hang in there and be positive! i wish you all the best!! keep us posted on how you are doing and if you need to vent, thats what we are all here for!!


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## bernina

Hang in there *clownfish* :hugs:. I do suggest at least ringing your dr's office to see if they would like to get some blood work done or scedule you for an earlier scan. I know nothing can really ease your mind but please know that many have experienced this and went on to have healthy babies. The dull ache and heavy feeling you mention always indicated early pregnancy to me, so I think that's a wonderful sign honey!!!

Best of luck to you also *babydancing*. Thinking of you!!


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## kafs78

PLEASE DONT WORRY - i had brown stuff (twice now), and i got a 9wk scan and all is 100% perfect!!

crampy feelings are part of early preg - so dont be alarmed....

See your DR or MW and try and get a scan about 6 weeks.....


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## clownfish

Hey guys, well it all stopped after the Friday evening, a little brown on sat but not much, then nothing on Sunday all day, then last night, dark brown again... slightly heavier... 

i died. Decided it was over, told OH so... lots of tears. :(

Today we are back to barely nothing again. 


Went to Dr, he didnt want to do anything but i 'persuaded him' to let me have a quantative HCG... got the first one done today, next one is on Wednesday... 

Midwife says to book a scan for Monday but i'm not sure i'll get there as my boobs are definitely less sore today then before.. 

yesterday they seemed to have no sensitivity at all, but today its come back... but i'm sure they are not as sore as usual. :(

But again, POAS today, a proper one... the last proper one i did was at 14DPO and the line was there, but not that strong... 

today i did the other one in the pack and the line was instant and very strong... 

my temp was also 36.7 at 5am ... so would have been 36.8 or 9 at 7am... still super high. 

My period temp is around 36.2 @ 7am... 35.9 @ 5am.. 


so i dunno. I wont find out til Monday with the bloods or the scan... unless i start the MC properly before then. 


Nothing i can do, but cant really stand this. :(

Sorry for being defeatest, its just SO damn hard. :(


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## bernina

:hugs:


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## fluffyblue

firstly i wouldnt worry about temperatures, I got so wound up about this after getting my BFP it made me paranoid. Lot of things affect temps - you have got a BFP try and keep that thought positive for now.

Also I had a slight bleed at between 4/5 weeks again this was small but my specialist said it was probably implantation bleeding. Again symptoms come and go throughout the entire pregnancy my boobs are sore one min then nothing for days just like my MS disappeared for days then came back !!

Hope the HCG tests reveal some positive news for you xxxx


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## clownfish

Thanks for the support guys. 

I've pretty much lost hope now, as i'm bleeding on and off... certainly not heavily, but sometimes brown, occasionally red. 

but its OK now. Means that i've accepted that what will be will be... 

which is an easier state of mind to be in tbh. :)


I've checked my work health insurance and it covers 'infertility' investigations, so rang them today and i am covered, so i'm off to see the Dr on Wednesday to get referred. 

Least i know i can have lots of tests done to see if its just 'one of those things' again, or if maybe there is something amiss, thoughts are thyroid function and diabetes... but i look forward to talking to a consultant who might be able to suggest options. 

At least that way i have a path, as after the last one, noone would help me.. this time if the worst happens, i can get help.


Sick you have to go through this multiple times before anyone will help though.... doesnt seem right does it. 


Guess the next few days will confirm what is happening, but i've resigned myself to it right now. 

I'll be back though, thats a promise. :D


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## bernina

:hugs: sweetheart and please know that we are all here for you. I know nothing can make this better on you, but if you need to talk, there is always someone here to listen. PM me anytime, even if you just want to vent or chat about non pregnancy things.

I'm very glad that you'll be able to see a specialist. After my 2nd mc my regular ob/gyn ran some of the standard tests but it wasn't until after we found a private FS that we started getting answers. Turned out I had a uterine septum. 

If you have any questions about seeing a specialist just let me know. I also wrote about all of the tests and visits with the FS in my TTC journal if that helps at all.

:hugs: and thinking of you.


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## clownfish

Thanks Bernina, i'll go and read your thread. :D

Brown CM today... very light. 

Did a cheapy test and super strong test line, strongest ever i think, but hard to tell with the others having evaporated now... 

boobs there, but not roaring. 

Temp still high.... 

what a mess. Its hard to keep my head with this, if its over, it should just get on with it, if its not, it should stop and give me my big symptoms back... :(

Nothing i can do, think i shall go and build our new flatpack wardrobe that arrived yesterday, take my mind off it. :)


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## bernina

A nice dark test line sounds like a really good sign to me!!

I know it's just so frustrating sitting and waiting. I'm afraid the entire pregnancy could be like this, but really hope I can relax after I get out of the first tri.

Yesterday I realized what an impact this is having on DH. He came home from work and he just looked off. Told me he was mentally exhausted worrying if this will stick or not and worrying if I'm sad and what it will do to me. I was a bit of a drama queen and pessimist on Sunday and I really think that scared him. I have to remember that so far I have no reason to believe this pregnancy won't work out. Until then, I'm trying my hardest to enjoy and relax.

My new goal to focus on is eating healthy for this baby. I know the first several weeks are so so important and I've been eating nothing but restaurant and convenience food. Just haven't been in the mood to cook and we recently got back from a long vacation so house is completely out of food.

Have fun putting together the wardrobe, I think an activity is a great thing to help put your mind at ease.


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## clownfish

I know my husband is struggling too.. he said with tears in his eyes that he hates all this bad stuff happening to me. Made me cry all over again. :(

He thinks i've miscarried because i assumed once i'd started bleeding it would get heavier and heavier like last time and told him it was all over again, i've not said anything more about it really, cos i dont want to mess with his head even more than i have already... 

i wasnt lying to him, i thought it was over, now my head is a mess because i have this tiny doubt that maybe it isnt... 

its stupid isnt it, small cramping and i thought it was all over, now i have no cramping and i think that means its died and is all over.... i cant win!

Monday will confirm one way or the other as my HCG results will be in, and my midwife wants to book a scan anyways.... assuming i haven't confirmed it by bleeding heavily before then.... 

torn between being active and getting on with things, and just lying in bed hoping for the best... 

this is so much worse than last time, least last time the game was up quickly, light bleeding to full heavy painful cramping bleeding within 24 hours... 


this started Fri eve and has come and gone since then... thats 5 days but no progression to heavy bleeding, just a little to wipe, and then a heavy wipe, and then nothing, and then the same again once every 24 hours. 

Sigh.. :(


Sorry for warbling on, and sorry if this makes anyone else bad, just feels like proper purgitory. :(


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## bernina

You are not alone, trust me and this is exactly what this forum is for because so many of us are going through the exact same thing. 

I haven't had any spotting but am still a right mess (oh no, I'm starting to sound British from all you lovely ladies on here!).

I actually found an empty conference room at work and started to ring my fertility dr and ask for another blood test (I've only had one so have no idea if my hCG is on track or not). I hung up before they answered because I decided it could potentially cause me more harm than good.

Chances are I'd get some ambigious result that would stress me out until my appt next Friday. So I'm just going to roll with it and try to enjoy the next week and a half.

I understand why you don't want to tell DH that there may still be a chance. After seeing everything I put mine through yesterday I would probably do the same. 

My gut tells me that you are definitely still in the running. Spotting is no fun and can be a bad sign, but it can also mean nothing at all and that strong positive preg test really has me thinking you could pull through this!

I also hear you on the bed thing, when I get home I just want to curl up and stay in bed all night because I feel like it's healthiest for the baby. But I'm going to force myself to go on a nice walk with DH and do some mild activity. We went for several 8 mile hikes when we were on vacation last week (before I knew we were preg) and it clearly didn't do any harm.

Try to remain as positive as possible, but also don't beat yourself up if you feel a bit blue, it's completely normal, especially given our history.

I'm here anytime you need to chat.


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## clownfish

ha, ha... sorry for making you go 'all british' .. :D

Benina, you are being so much help its untrue, you are a real angel. :D :D


Well, update for today, first HCG test back... 8000 @ 5w ... seems OK from what i can tell... but know its less about the number and more about the rise... had second bloods taken today, so results Friday if i'm lucky, or Monday... if i've held out that long that is. 


Colour of choice today is brown, and light.... some none at all... have had red wipe once a day so far, maybe today will be the day of no red.... 

NO RED PLEASE!!! :D 


Also, feel really weird last night and today... 

started yesterday evening, spent most of the day asleep but whenever i was up and about i kept feeling really odd and dizzy... put it down to spending the day horizontal, but even getting up from horizontal on the sofa was sending my head funny. 

and today i feel like i have no energy, even walking from the Dr to to blood lab i felt like a total space cadet, so weary and aching all over, as if i'd just trekked 10 miles and wasnt going to make it to 11, not at all like i'd just walked 5 minutes from one building to the next... 


hoping these are good signs and not signs that my insides are poisoning me. :(

Back off to bed now, feel like i've done 10 rounds in a boxing ring. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


:)


Hope everything is OK with your sticky today... :)


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## bernina

8000 sounds like a great number at 5 weeks! I was 199 at 4 weeks and was told that was a good number. Just so hard to believe the numbers can jump so quickly in a week! I hope you get your blood results back before the weekend, that would help to reassure you.

Your symptoms today of tiredness, exhaustion, dizziness, all sound so promising!! I was actually excited last night when I felt totally sick to my stomach before eating dinner.

Had a bit of a scare early this morning when I woke after having a bad dream about blood in the toilet. Was really scared the first few times I went to the bathroom today but so far so good. 

Just feel a bit off today, bladder feels funny (almost like UTI but it's not) and I feel what I can only describe as mild cramps although I'm not actually feeling cramps, just more of a sensation.

I hope the red blood stays away for you!


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## Pippasdvision

Hi guys, Sorry to interupt. I would not worry about your symptoms they will come and go. If you are getting positive HPT that is a good sign, but remember u are still early on which means you neeed to test in the morning and not try other times as you will get fluctuating results even fmp will vary with strength of urine. A little bit of bleeding is quite normal in early pregnancy especially brownish wipes.the times to worry is when you have cramps as well as red bleeding after a brownish bleed and if you start loosing clots. Clots are to be worried about. I know it is easy to say even I have only come back from hospital this morning after filling two pads in three hours last night. Still spotting now but all is fine with a good heartbeat etc. Try not to worry as it will only make your symptoms worse. Hugs to you all


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## bernina

Thanks for the reassurance Pippasdvision and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Sorry you're having to deal with the bleeding but so happy that everything is looking great with the little one! Just goes to show you how very common bleeding and spotting can be.


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## Pippasdvision

Yea my sonographer said that 30% of sucsessful pregnancies have a bleed at somepoint in the first 3 months


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## clownfish

Hi pippa, please don't apologise for interrupting! I appreciate any advice I can get! 

It's just SO hard cos if what happened last time. :(

I have loo fear big time. :) 

Glad it was just a dream Berni, hope your bleeding stops Pippa. 


Its funny isn't it, my mum always threatened me when I was younger that all I had to do was look at a boy and I'd get pregnant and wind up pushing a pram. Never thought it'd be the hardest thing to do in reality!!! :)


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## bernina

I can believe that! It seems like every other post I read is about a woman having a bleed and most seem to continue on with their pregnancy. Thanks again!!


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## clownfish

^^ you have no idea how much I hope that is me too!!!


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## Pippasdvision

My fingers are crossed for all of you! And I prey that you all get as much good news as I have


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## clownfish

Berni's bean is all good, no worries there. Just mine that is struggling. 

Just have to hang in for a few mire days and I'll know what's happening though. :)

I'm beginning to wear a permanent dent in my sofa though. :D


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## bernina

I go straight up to bed as soon as I get home in the evening. I sit up there and check my computer and then read, then fall asleep. Was so tired last night. Went to visit BIL and family and didn't get home until almost 10.


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## Pippasdvision

the first few weeks are a nightmare. I fell asleep on the bottom step could not even find the energy to go up the stairs once. DH woke me when he got home and told me off for not getting the kids lol like I should be driving!!


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## clownfish

well, no red yesterday at all. Yay. 

But feel really low today, just cant see it working out. :(


Today there is v. dark brown/black smear today... goodness knows what that means, and flakey floaty bits in urine... 

Cheapy test very strong today, line instant... 

but i know that doesnt mean anything cos hcg levels stay high enough to get a poss even if there is a loss. 

I'm wondering if my results might be in today, maybe they got them quickly for some reason, gonna call later i think, if not i really hope they are in tomorrow. 

wish i could feel more positive, felt a bit brighter after all the dizziness and no red yesterday but have woken up all negative and low again this morning. :(


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## Pippasdvision

WOrth a try but Not sure if the one test will tell you a lot. you need the second for comparison.


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## clownfish

I have the first set. 8000 at 5w, just waiting for the second set. But only had bloods yesterday..... 

So they probably won't be back yet. Boooooooo!


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## Pippasdvision

Oh is worth phoneing our doc gets them back the next morning. but 8000 at 5 weeks sounds fantastic!!


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## clownfish

bad news... 

second set are 10000... and the first lot were 8900... 


i now have to go in for an emergency scan as they think its eptopic ... 


not enough of a rise for it to be viable, too much of a rise for it to be a miscarriage... 



Worst of all worlds... :( :,(


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## Pippasdvision

Oh sweetheart I am so sorry. It might just be that you are further on? Please let me know how you are! PLEASE!


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## bernina

Oh clownfish I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I am glad that they will be giving you a scan though as this way you will know for sure what is going on.

I'll be thinking of you and hoping for a miracle. Please keep us updated after you scan.

:hugs: I know this isn't easy.


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## clownfish

Not ectopic. So at least I don't lose tubes over this. There is a sac, but no visible pole. They say it's too early to see it. Re-scan 10 days. 

But the numbers speak for themselves don't they. :(

least it's not ectopic. That's something I suppose. :)


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## Pippasdvision

Oh thank goodness. I would not panic about the numbers they are really high so it could just be that its too early. If they thought there was something to worry about they would have you in earlier. See how you feel in a few days if its getting to you phone back and ask for an earlier appointment as long as it is more than 5 days they should be able to see a differnece.


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## clownfish

right, [email protected] it! I'm not quiting til i KNOW i've miscarried... 

https://www.squidoo.com/nondoublinghcg


'According to HCG charts, at about eight weeks, levels above 10,000 mIU/ML are considered within normal range and may start to decline. A number of 'normal', healthy pregnancies are at the low end of the HCG spectrum.'

https://www.squidoo.com/hcglevels

'If your hCG levels are above 6,000, your levels may take 96 hours (four days!) or more to double and still be perfectly normal.'


So, i'm not 8 weeks, but i am over 10,500... so maybe, just maybe.... 



everything is staying firmly crossed. I'm going to make it through another 10 days...! :thumbup:


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## bernina

So glad to hear it's not ectopic and it's at least in the right spot.

I think there is still a good chance this could sort itself out, and you never know, labs do make mistakes, so here's hoping.

Sorry you have to wait 2 weeks for any answers, could you perhaps see if they'd be willing to check the blood level in another week, just so you wouldn't have to wait so long?


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## clownfish

The problem with the UK medical system is they really dont like doing anything if they dont have to... 

i was wondering about trying to get another HCG test next week sometime, but not sure i can find the energy to be honest. And if its gone up, but not by tons then i still know no more... and if it goes down then i'll miscarry.. so i'll know about that when it happens..

Think its time to just get on with it and see what happens. I have been poked and prodded for the last week, 3 blood tests, a stupid 'investigation' day, like a smear test with machine and fingers... and then an vaginal ultrasound... 

its all been too much for me. 

So i'm just going to wait the 10 days... get back to work and try and try and keep the faith. :)


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## Pippasdvision

I think you are truly truly brave. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. another thing you can do is keep peeing on the sticks if the line dims then go back. di oyu think you were 5 weeks along?


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## bernina

You are very brave and strong and handling this so well. You've been through so much already.

:hugs:


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## Pippasdvision

do u have the funds for a private scan if ur hosdpital will not think they are 60-90 for EPU? is an avenue to look at i do not think i could be as brave as u


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## clownfish

Pippasdvision said:


> I think you are truly truly brave. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. another thing you can do is keep peeing on the sticks if the line dims then go back. di oyu think you were 5 weeks along?

5w +3. even know when ovulation was. I was temping. :)

went out and had a nice meal with fella and his mates. Was so nice to just hang out and laugh about boyish rubbish rather than worry. 

We'll see how the next few days go, had enough for one day. :) 

Night ladies. Hope your beans are having a good day today. X


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## moxxxx

hi huni i am so soory to hear i am going true de same thing as u hun ive had 5 mc this year just lose 1 last month its doing my head in they are sending me for tests to hun i just keep blamin my self for it but i cnt be doing that they said bec i have 2 little boys they think i cant hav girls and its all i want now is my litttle girl as soon as i stoped bleedin i started tryin again wil i be ok dose any1 no huni i am really sorry but i no thats all people say all u want is hugs hun your mind is some were else all the time just try keep your head up hun are time wil come hun i no it wil hun so so so sorry huni xxxxxxx


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## moxxxx

can any1 help me i am just new to this i dnt no how to post a message were people can help me out xxx


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## clownfish

moxxxx said:


> can any1 help me i am just new to this i dnt no how to post a message were people can help me out xxx

Hey moxx, just pick the section you think most suits your situation and then hit the 'new thread' button. 

Thanks for the kind words, sorry you're having such a horrid time as well. Must make you love your two boys all the more. :)


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## C&J

Hi Clownfish, sorry youre having such a bad time of things. Thought id reply as im going through something really similar right now. Ive been getting brown discharge since sunday and wednesday i had some dark red blood that was in the toilet and on the tissue but then no more. I was lucky enough to get pregnant again straight after a miscarriage (i miscarried 28th June). Went to the doctors yesterday who were useless, he seemed to be doubting the fact i was pregnant and that it was just left over hormones from my miscarriage. If he would have bothered to look at my notes he would have seen i had a blood test a week after the m/c and all my pg hormones had gone. On top of that after trying for a baby for nearly 3 years i know my body very well and know exactly when i ovulated but he was having none of it...... idiot!! Im so annoyed, i know im pregnant and i now my dates (5w+4 today). He told me to go away and take a test in a week and then come back if its positive. In the mean time me and my o/h are nervous wrecks, and i dread going to the toilet for what i might find. Ive literally been sitting on the sofa as much as i can and i dread moving anywhere! x


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## clownfish

Hi C&J. 

I got met with exactly the same response. Are you sure your pregnant? Yes. I've been testing since day 11 and bizarrely got a line from then. Last time I did get a poss til after Af was due. Used Internet cheapy tests, ah! but did you use a prope test as well? YES YOU TOTAL MORON!!!! A million of them!!! Eventually I said I'd done one just that morni g and got an instant dark line. 

I dunno if it's just this country but noone seems to know about early pregnancy. I had to tell the midwife the hcg rests weren't good, she was busy congratulating me that they were 10,500! then she admitted she knew nothing about betts hcg!!! And she's my midwife!

Same happened last time though. I think here your on your own til 12w. Get there and people start taking notice. Oh, how I dream of getting there. :) 

When we were sat having second scan yesterday I said to my fella, one day we're gonna have one of these scans and it's gonna be good news! 

No bleeding at all yesterday. Nothing at all after that brown/black smear in the morning. No bleeding last evening or this morning either which surprised me after having the world and her instruments poking around inside me! They said my cervix was shut. Wonder what happens if it stays that way?! 

Hope everyone is waking up to a happy bean day. :)


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## C&J

Its so frustrating, i dont know how much more of the not knowing i can take. Just been to do our weekly shop and have had some mild cramps. Been to the toilet and had some more blood. Did another wipe and it was brown again, I really dont know what to think any more i did have some hope but im beginning to think maybe its just a slow miscarriage. Obviously i dont want things to be over but if im going to miscarry i wish it would just happen because this makes things so much worse, as i know we could be clinging to false hope. When i miscarried last time within 24 hours it had gone from brown discharge to heavy bleeding with clots and i knew it was over. This is just mental torture.


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## clownfish

yup. I'm in exactly the same boat. Exact same thing, last time 24 hours from first wipe to full red horridness.. 

no cramping that time til 2 days in, woke up in the night and had one massive 'contraction' that went from the top of my turso to the bottom, it was so bad i actually went yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaoooouch out loud... 


This time, no cramping again (yet) and it started a week ago today, just red to wipe, then brown, then nothing, then the next day not alot, then sunday eve red, then brown then nothing, same mon/tues/wed red wipe, brown wipe, nothing... then nothing last 2 days... 

but my HCG reading is high, but didnt double, so no definitive answer there, scan showed the sac, but no pole... they said too early to see anything, come back in 10 days... 

so i have no bleeding for now, a weird HCG and a sac... sore boobs, but no other symptoms... and thats my lot for the next week and a half, unless it suddenly gets me. 

You could try asking for a quantative HCG? Two blood tests, 48 hours apart... you'll see if its too low to be viable, and if its doubling then you'll know everything is OK for now... 

but it may not take you out of limbo land as it hasnt me. 

They just shrugged at me yesterday and said pregnancy isnt an exact science... oh.. and try not to worry.... !!


what they dont seem to get is that mental health is an exact science and this is ruining ours!!! Bah humbug. :D


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## C&J

Well its all over now for me, have started bleeding and the cramps are getting very intense. Relieved to know what is happening but gutted and concerned as to why ive miscarried twice in 2 months. Hoping its just bad luck. Hopefully you have a better ending than me x Goodluck.


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## bernina

C&J I am so very sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## camishantel

C&J I am so sorry hun... did your dr give you the ok to try again so soon I know they told me to wait at least 2 cycles as getting pregnant right away has a higher chance of endind in mc... I am in US btw

Clown... hun I am sorry you are going thrrough this but sometimes these things happen and everything turns out fine but I completly understand as they always say red blood is bad but I know many women who have had the red blood off and on early in pregnancy and been fine... I however am not one of them... at 4w2d I had super super light pink this time and my doc had me in his office in a couple hours doing blood test and checking for infection and I had a infection started antibiotics and no bleeding since but I still worry all the time as my boobs have not really gotten sore this time but my hcg levels are rising good so far 4w0d 31 4w1d 51 4w5d 293... the limbo sucks


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## clownfish

C&J said:


> Well its all over now for me, have started bleeding and the cramps are getting very intense. Relieved to know what is happening but gutted and concerned as to why ive miscarried twice in 2 months. Hoping its just bad luck. Hopefully you have a better ending than me x Goodluck.

C&J :hugs::cry:

I had the same thought as the lady above, a MC is alot for a body to go through and it can take a few weeks to get the hormones back in balance etc, so its supposed to be quite risky falling straight away again. Having said that my friend fell the month after a MC and her daughter is now almost 2.. so i guess its another one of those. 

Perhaps take a month off, concentrate on yourself and your fella, pamper, sleep, rest and then try again. You can obviously fall easily so hold on to that thought. 

Hope you are OK. xxx


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## camishantel

clownfish- how are you today hun any news from the dr


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## clownfish

camishantel said:


> Clown... hun I am sorry you are going thrrough this but sometimes these things happen and everything turns out fine but I completly understand as they always say red blood is bad but I know many women who have had the red blood off and on early in pregnancy and been fine... I however am not one of them... at 4w2d I had super super light pink this time and my doc had me in his office in a couple hours doing blood test and checking for infection and I had a infection started antibiotics and no bleeding since but I still worry all the time as my boobs have not really gotten sore this time but my hcg levels are rising good so far 4w0d 31 4w1d 51 4w5d 293... the limbo sucks

Thats the problem isnt it, they keep saying 30% of all successful pregnancies have bleeding... 

but i just think (and i KNOW how negative it sounds) but 100% of ALL miscarriages start with bleeding... 

coupled with a dodgy HCG and my luck would be running extremely high wouldnt it... 

but hey, you never know do you. ;) :)


Think i went through a pain barrier yesterday, suddenly i wasnt looking at a miscarriage, i was looking at no baby and having my tubes hacked up... it was horrific... 

so today i am a million times calmer... i've been tidying up, cleaning the fish out, playing with the cats, pottering round the shops... and just feel totally mellow about it all. I dont even mind going to the loo today... 

i wonder how long it will last. :D :dohh:


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## clownfish

camishantel said:


> clownfish- how are you today hun any news from the dr

Nah, i'm all done with Dr's now for the next 10 days... 

its just me and my body.... 


if it lets me get through another 10 days they will re-scan... 



:)


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## camishantel

have they checked your progestrone... again I am in US and know they do different things here but I know if your progestrone is too low even if the pregnancy is viable your body might not be producing enough hormone on it's own to support the pregnancy.. I am on progestrone this time after my 4 mcs


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## clownfish

camishantel said:


> have they checked your progestrone... again I am in US and know they do different things here but I know if your progestrone is too low even if the pregnancy is viable your body might not be producing enough hormone on it's own to support the pregnancy.. I am on progestrone this time after my 4 mcs

I know. And i WISH we were more like the States, but its just not how it works here. 

They wont even talk to you til you've had 3 x MC... i've had to fight to get the quantative HCG, they just shrug and want to leave it to see what happens. 

My temps have been nice and high, even through the spotting, so in my own lack of understanding way, i'm hoping it means that my progesterone is still good... 

it gives me a good thermal shift after OV and this cycle it took my temps up alot higher than my last none pregnant cycle... so its there, but as you say, i have no idea if its high enough. 

I have discovered that my work give us 'basic' private heathcare, and i called them and i am entitled to 'investigatory' infertility treatment... so if this one does end in a MC then i will get referred and get them to look into all these avenues... 

i had a thyroid done and its ok, i had a blood count done.... and now the HCG and scan... and i've argued for every single bit of it. 

but the NHS wont do anything else properly until 3 x MC... which, i think, is sick. :(


----------



## camishantel

with all the issues I have I am so glad I don't live there... like I said my doc here if I even see the faintest pink he has me in within a few hours to do test... I have scans every week which started at 4w... even though knew it was too early to see anything... and dr appointment and bloods every week at least till 12 weeks... even though I know at 8 weeks hcg can kinda level out even before if high enough...


----------



## clownfish

I know. I always see you US ladies with your weekly HCG charts and feel very green! :)


----------



## Beanbabe

C&J - Im so sorry :hugs:

Clownfish - Lots and lots of good wishes for you.


----------



## clownfish

well i'm still hanging in here, although its getting emotionally harder again. :(

No bleeding since Wednesday now... thats 4 days... 

boobs still sore... 

no other symptoms to report and as i near 6W i would expect to be getting more symptoms... 


i do have a total loss of appetite, but i'm sure thats due to the stress of it, as i thought complete hunger was the symptom... not the other way round. 


Did a test just now, 4 days since the last one, couldnt see a difference between this one and the last, test line as dark if not darker than the control.. and came up as quickly.. 

but i dont know about HCG, i dont know if its falling how quickly it falls and how quickly the line would get faint... 

If i make it without the bleeding starting again then 7 day scan would be Thursday and i'm torn between pushing for a scan on Thursday or hanging in there til the start of 7w .. as if i go on Thursday it will only be 6w + 4 or something like that, maybe too early again to see anything.. 

what do you guys think? 



I have no cramping or twinging at all.... havent since i started the spotting, where as before that i was getting twinges as they were scaring me... and i'd shift about to try and stop them, but now nothing, no pain when i sneeze, no funny twinge here and there, nothing.

I cant help feeling that sticky has died and even if i get to the scan without bleeding out, its gonna be a missed miscarriage on the scan. :(


----------



## clownfish

crazy thought... 

vanishing twin... would explain the really high HCG at week 5 and the bleed and the low rise of the single remaining fetus... 

ha ha... that would be good wouldnt it. :)


...just a thought, :)


----------



## Jay30

Clownfish, I'm sorry you are going through this. This is an utterly gross suggestion, but if f you really want to quantitatively check if your hcg is going up, you could try diluting your urine (such crazy ideas occur to me only because I am a scientist).The way to do this would be to find the maximum dilution where you are just under maxing the test out, and then increasing the dilution at later timepoints.

I had a missed m/c at 12 weeks. I never had spotting, but I found out during a u/s that the baby had died (i'd seen the heartbeat twice before). Either process is utterly dreadful. 

I was diluting my urine out for a while because I had already maxed out my stick by 5 weeks, and I liked to check up on how I was doing at home. One day (around 9 weeks), I remember that I had found like it had gotten slightly lower, but because I was diluting it so crudely I could not be sure. 3 weeks later, I found out it was all over. 

The next time I ever get pregnant, I will be diluting precisely, so if the levels start to fall, I can atleast tell.:cry:


----------



## clownfish

hey Jay, i know thats the problem... my sticks are sensitive to 10 and i'm up at 10,500 or something so they are no help anymore... 

i kind of get what you mean about dilluting but i only have 1 stick left and i'm not sure there is much point now... 

i like your thinking though, stupid that they cant invent quantative POAS for all us ladies.. 

Sorry about your MMC, thats my biggest fear, but i have a feeling that will be realised. :(


----------



## pinkgem100

I had bleeding with this Little one at 5 weeks, bright red then when brown, i went to the hosp and got checked out and had an early scan. if you are worried get yourself a doc app or just go down to your a&e, which is what i did, i also had bleeding @ 13 weeks and again i rushed down to a&e, wasnt waiting for a doc app!! x


----------



## clownfish

day 7 since the bleeding stopped... hasnt started again (yet) 

Loo terrifies me. I try not to look sometimes just to give myself a break, that involves physically shutting my eyes, wiping and flushing otherwise i cant help myself but look. 

Have been struggling with painful trapped wind :blush: which is really painful... 

and the last couple of days have been feeling really weird, good weird or bad weird i dont know, i'm not sure i'd classify it as nausea just ad odd feeling in the pit of my stomach and a definite understanding of feeling physically out of sorts... 

i also cant stand the thought of bread! Yes i know, sounds odd, but if i think of having toast or a bread sandwich (is there any other type) in my mind it would be like eating cotton wool... 

however, i'm craving cheese..! Ha, and i dont eat cheese (too much fat, so bad for me) 

i couldnt work out what to have for lunch yesterday and the shop was full of sandwiches which just made me think of cotton wool... wound up with a melon, some ritz crackers.. and a bag of baby belle.. :D

very yummy too! 

Trying not to read too much into all this as the stress of it all has probably turned my tummy inside out, but i'm definitely not imagining what i'm feeling.... 
:shrug:

Scan Friday AM... although they tried to convince me to wait 2 weeks... what a joke... 

so what Friday may not be conclusive, but it should have grown at very least if its viable.. and guess what.. i can always go back for another scan a week later cant i....! The NHS are a joke around early pregnancy... bah!

3 days and many scary trips to the loo to go til Friday! Fingers, toes, eyes crossed for me please. :D


----------



## Pippasdvision

Oh you are so patient. Hugs*** I will be thinking of you on friday


----------



## clownfish

OK, scan results are painfully inconclusive again. :(

The good bit, we have a fetal pole now... 

Bad bit, no heart beat... :( .. and she says i'm around 5+3when i am supposedly 6+3


:(


So guess what.... bright and smiley lady says re-book scan for 10 days... 


I dont know what to think... 

on one hand its clearly grown in 8 days... but i seem to be behind myself, suggesting its died... 

i'm exhausted by all this.. trying to take comfort from the fact there is clear growth, but cant. 

I wish this was just over if its going to be over, so i can start to re-build.


----------



## debgreasby

:hug: hope the next 10 days pass quickly for you xxx


----------



## clownfish

cant see it to be honest... 

i've double checked my FF... i am definitely 6+4 ... think it must have died between the last scan and this one...

they cant get it a week out can they... 

very, very tired. :(


----------



## debgreasby

EPU are insisting I was 6+1 yesterday, but i know for a fact i was 7 weeks dead on.

Baby is so teeny at this stage, so dates are difficult. Don't give up hope :)


----------



## clownfish

debgreasby said:


> EPU are insisting I was 6+1 yesterday, but i know for a fact i was 7 weeks dead on.

doesnt that worry you? :cry:


----------



## Pippasdvision

It can be a week out, I have been moveed over a week and a half with my last one (now 2 1/2) It depends when u ovulated and when you implanted or you could have ovulated twice. If so it could be implatation bleeding you had the other week. If you ovulated twice it could be your twin theory? and the one that has survived is the later one. The fact that it has grown is fantastic and the fact there has been no mor bleeding is also good. What a nightmare to have to wait another 10 days, I just dont know how you do it. DO oyu have any other P symptoms? what are your HPT showing are they still nice and strong?


----------



## bernina

Clownfish, I'm sorry that you are still in limbo. There is no fun in that and waiting another 10 days is pure torture. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

I am very pleased that little one is growing, that is a very good sign. Use that as a constant positive reminder to help get you through these next 10 days.

Thinking of you and sending lots of positive thoughts and vibes your way. You will get through this.

We're all here for you any time you need to vent or chat.

Hang in there!!!


----------



## clownfish

Pippasdvision said:


> It can be a week out, I have been moveed over a week and a half with my last one (now 2 1/2) It depends when u ovulated and when you implanted or you could have ovulated twice. If so it could be implatation bleeding you had the other week. If you ovulated twice it could be your twin theory? and the one that has survived is the later one. The fact that it has grown is fantastic and the fact there has been no mor bleeding is also good. What a nightmare to have to wait another 10 days, I just dont know how you do it. DO oyu have any other P symptoms? what are your HPT showing are they still nice and strong?

Havent done any more HPTs... not sure what they could show me now? 

Symptoms... nothing too strong, boobs sore.. i think... i was a bit acidy after a couple of biscuits earlier but certainly nothing major... havent had morning sickness, didnt have it on the last one either .. and that ended in a MC... 

oh, and thrush... joy! 

Could POAS i guess... will do that tomorrow AM...


----------



## clownfish

Thanks Bernina... x


----------



## Neko

Scans can be a week out. They are not perfectly exact.

My scan at 7 weeks put me 4 days back from LMP. Then my scan at 12 weeks put me 2 days ahead of LMP. :wacko:


Are you getting another scan in a week or so?


----------



## clownfish

Hi Neko, yes, another scan in 10 days... 


Trying to be positive cos you guys are so positive but really think i have given up hope this time. :(

Must try harder... B- for positivity... :)


----------



## debgreasby

clownfish said:


> debgreasby said:
> 
> 
> EPU are insisting I was 6+1 yesterday, but i know for a fact i was 7 weeks dead on.
> 
> doesnt that worry you? :cry:Click to expand...

No hun it doesn't. How they can accurately measure a splodge? I saw a heartbeat. 

I really hope you get good news hunni xxx


----------



## fluffyblue

Hi hun thats why they have a "dating scan" apparently its so hard to measure as Deb says a "splodge" when its so tiny. All things affect it like bowels, full bladder etc - u could also have an anterior uterus which is even harder to date. 

When I was 4w 3d ish, I was misdiagnosed with an ectopic had surgery booked - HCG came back doubled they rescanned me 12 hours later and saw the sac and yolk sac only. They rescanned me a week later, I had a fetal pole, the week later a HB. It took two weeks to get a HB. Also I have had about 4 early scans (between 4-9 weeks) and on 1 of them I measured something like 33mm and the following week I measured 25mm because they simply could not get it right thats why they dont like scannning to often, believe you me, I hated it too !! 

Also since my LMP and knowing my exact dates my beanie has grown ive been put forward 8 days now !!

So as you can see nothing is straight forward OR black and white in early pregnancy !!




I know its so hard and I really really feel for you but you need to try and keep positive.


----------



## clownfish

i'll try... 

i've had a nice bath and am in dressing gown and slippers... 


and i'm gonna go wake DH up as he's fallen asleep on the sofa and settle down to watch some TV together.. 

next mission impossible.... reach the next 10 day scan! :happydance:


Thanks guys... sorry for being such a negative bug... just really tough. :growlmad:


On to tomorrow. :wacko:


----------



## Pippasdvision

Dont worry about being a little negative it is only natural. Be as strong as you can and we are all here to help u through any way we can.


----------



## debgreasby

We're all here for you :hug:


----------



## bernina

Don't ever feel bad for feeling down or negative. Every single woman feels that way at some time during their pregnancy, and most probably feel it a lot more than once! We're all here for each other :hugs:


----------



## Pippasdvision

Hay clownfish how are you doing?


----------



## clownfish

suffering tbh.. but trying not to post on here about because i dont like bringing you all down. :)

I've come down with a horrid cold, and cant take anything proper for it 'just in case' ... 

think i picked it up from all the comings and goings to Dr's offices and hospital trips... 

had a weird brown thing when i wiped today, like a single clot, but brown... surrounded by nothing... just on its own... 

Also realised the stupid receptionist booked me in for the 25th... thats 12 days from the last one.. 

so i'm on 10 days from now, but i've lost all hope i'm afraid. 

I'm sure its a MMC.. 5.5 weeks, exactly the same as last time. 


Sorry guys, i know you want me to be all positive but i feel like hell, and i cant cope any more. 


Just want it over. :cry:


Our time will come, but realistically... this isnt it. Spotting, low rising HCG, 5.5 when i should be 6.5 and no heartbeat... 

there isnt gonna be a happy ending here. I'm sure of it. 



Think i'll stay quiet for a few days, and just update you guys if i MC or after the scan results come back. 

You dont need me bringing you all down when you all have healthy pregnancies and wonderful heartbeats. :hugs:


love and good wishes to you all. x


----------



## roonsma

Bless you sweetheart were all here for you, if you want to post feel free, many of us have been through similar situations, you do what's right for you Hun xx :hugs:


----------



## camishantel

oh hun that is what we are here for... I have been exactly were you are and completely understand... but don't not post because you are afraid of bringing us down as it is nice to have a outlet


----------



## bernina

I totally agree with Cami. This is exactly what this forum is for, especially the Pregnancy after Loss section. We've all been there before and we can handle it. 

For what it's worth, I felt exactly the same way you did, honest. I was ready for the u/s to be done and over with so I could stop my progesterone and complete my mc. I just knew nothing was living in me, especially with all the brown sludge coming out. I couldn't fathom how all this stuff that looked like death was coming out and there could still be something alive in there. 

Miracles do happen, sometimes when we least expect them.

Thinking of you!!


----------



## Pippasdvision

We dont want you to post and be postivie love. We just want you to be okay, whether that is with a viable pregnancy or not. My heart goes out to you for the situation you are in as I went through something similar that did not end well (though 6 years ago) and I remember how I could not grieve coz I didnt know one way or the other. One min I would find some hope the next I would fell like my world was ending, then I would accept the enevitable and finally find a glimmer of hope again. We just want you to know that we are all here for you. you are not burdening us. This is called a community for a reason, communities stick together and see eachother through the difficult times.


----------



## clownfish

You are all such lovely ladies it's quite incredible. Even the people in my life don't seem to understand like you guys do. Other than my husband everyone is managing to say the wrong thing, even if they say it with care. 

I've booked a private scan for Thursday evening. £75 seems alot to be told bad news, but then again £75 seems like nothing to pay to re-gain some sanity in my life. 

Trying to function like this is near impossible, and heading into week 3 of this I cannot hang in there any longer. 

Thursday, 8pm, D day! 

X


----------



## bernina

I'm so glad you went ahead and booked an earlier scan. I think the money will be very well spent, no matter the outcome. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the very best at that scan. 

:hugs:


----------



## Pippasdvision

I could not agree more. I know it sounds like a lot of money but this has been an awful rollercoaster for you and you now have the light at the end of the tunnel. Lots of virtual hugs coming your way. Lol I wish they made computers squishy and cuddly pointy edges get in the way somewhat.


----------



## cindersmcphee

Have been reading the thread and praying for good news for you. I had a miscarriage last month. Started spotting brown, had a scan and nothing there. HCG levels when taken had fallen to less than a 100 and then had full bleed. Dont give up hope loads of good signs that hcg high and that bleeding has stopped


----------



## clownfish

Hi Cinders, thanks so much for taking the time to read. :) 

I have weirdly found some hope from somewhere. I'm not sure I like having hope because it's going to hurt all the more if it's bad news tomorrow, but I do feel alot calmer for now with some glimmer to hold on to. 

Wish I could stop 'feeling' altogether though for a bit. Just 0 emotions right now would be helpful. Need to find the off switch for the next 36 hours til after the scan, then I don't mind what emotions come out. :)

hope everyone else is doing OK today. Xxx


----------



## debgreasby

Pleased you getting an earlier scan .. i can only imagine the emotional rollercoaster you are on. :hug:


----------



## Beadette

I hope the scan brings good news for you Hun xx


----------



## clownfish

Thanks guys.. :hugs:

I havent told DH about the private scan... not sure why... just for some reason want to face it on my own this time... 

is that bad? Wondering if he's gonna get cross/hurt that i did it without telling him... 

he's just been through so much and he thinks we're waiting for the scan next Wednesday, just dont want to send him on another rollarcoaster for the whole of tomorrow waiting for the scan... 

maybe its just selfishness on my part.. just cant handle the stress of telling him, and him stressing even more, and it becoming a bigger and bigger deal... 

guess i'm hoping against all the odds there is a HB and then i know he'll be so happy he wont be cross at me for sneaking off without telling him.. 

if it goes the other way then i will have made life alot harder for myself i think, but at least i will have shielded him for the pain of being told at the scan that it died. 

Aggghh! :(


----------



## Pippasdvision

Have you someone to take with you? could oyu not tell him at the last min 8pm he shoudl be home from work.


----------



## Neko

If at all possible, take your DH with you. He can be there for support or celebration as needed.


----------



## clownfish

Ok. I told hubby about the scan last night. He got cross that I was going to keep it from him, but I said he couldn't get cross with me because I didn't keep it from him in the end! 

Then I burst into tears. He gave me a massive hug and said we were one unit and that I wasn't allowed to shut him out. We go through this together he said. :)

knew there was a reason for marrying him. :hugs: 

Sadly doesn't change much this evening as he works at a hospital and doesn't get off til 8.30pm so I'll still be going on my own. 

But he'll be waiting for me when I get home. 

I dont mind going on my own.I can internalize pretty well and almost prefer the take the initial hit and deal with it my own, gives me head space to gather my thoughts without having to think of others that way. Then I can go straight home to hubby. 

And if it's a Miracle and it's good news then hubby can come to the scan on the 25th as it'sat his hospital so he can just nip off on a break to join me. 

Now I just have to get through the day!!!!!


----------



## debgreasby

Will be thinking of you hunni x


----------



## Pippasdvision

I am really glad you told him and that he took it so well. Sometimes we forget why we have partners/husbands. Clownfish I will be praying for you all day and you and your family are in our (mine and my husbands) thoughts. I hope it all goes well for you do let us know.


----------



## Beadette

Clownfish - I hope with everything that things are ok! And I'm glad you told your hubby! Xxxx


----------



## bernina

Thinking of you today and hoping for some very good news!!! :hugs:


----------



## camishantel

I am thinking of you hun :hugs:


----------



## clownfish

Ok guys... 

Its not great news... 

but its not the worst...


We are still in limbo.. because they found a faint heartbeat... but the featus hasnt grown.. infact she measured it smaller than the scan a week ago.. 0.36 :(

so she says although we have a chance cos there is a HB, although its faint... but its very slim because sticky doesnt seem to be growing... 

so somehow it hasnt grown but has gained some kind of heartbeat... but a very faint one. 


so where there's life theres hope? Or its just fading away and needs to be let go?


----------



## Pippasdvision

Bloody Nora! sorry for the language. Could it be that the measurement was wrong? I am so sorry you are still being pulled from pillar to post. Did the sonographer make any sensible suggestions?


----------



## bernina

How very frustrating, I am so sorry. I know at this point you just want a definitive answer and to get on with things. But a heartbeat is a heartbeat, and it couldn't be there if there wasn't life pumping through your baby. Yes there is a chance it's too weak and can't make it, but there is an equal chance that it will keep growing and thrive. My SIL had a similar thing happen and was told that the odds of the baby making it were 50/50.

I have also read that these early scans are nearly imposible to measure, the baby is just too small and depending on if you're looking at it lengthwise or head on, the measurements could totally change.

What are your next steps?

:hugs:


----------



## clownfish

Pippasdvision said:


> Bloody Nora! sorry for the language. Could it be that the measurement was wrong? I am so sorry you are still being pulled from pillar to post. Did the sonographer make any sensible suggestions?

my favourite phrase... 

're-scan in a week' 

:shrug: :dohh: :nope:


----------



## clownfish

bernina said:


> What are your next steps?
> 
> :hugs:

No next steps... 


Just hang in til Wedneday. I did what i could to help... it didnt work.. so now we have to find the strength to wait it out.. 

nought more we can do. :shrug:


----------



## camishantel

sorry about your appointment today... it sounds like what happened to me in september... I hope it turns out differently for you hun but I am here if you want to talk in september my baby had a hb started very faint but wasn't growing then hb went up and had a little growth then hb stopped but dr said could have went either way as easy for measurements to be off so hopefully wed brings you the news you need and out of limbo as I know that is the worst


----------



## Amos2009

Clownfish- so sorry you are having to go through this. Sometimes I wish it were a yes or no, not all this in between and limbo. 
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. :hugs:


----------



## clownfish

Thanks guys. :hugs: 

Moment of amusement through the tears last night...

They gave us a scan of sticky .. Bit odd in the circumstances but I guess you paid for it, so you gets it. 

So brought it home and showed it to hubby. He looked at me and asked what we were going to do with it, I shrugged, eyes full of tears.

But as he looked down at it again he smiled and looked up at me again, and u could read what he was thinking. 

We both giggled and I said, 'it's definitely got your nose,' :D hee hee. He then went on to discribe this squiggle as a pound sign or s map of the UK! 

Nice light moment for those few minutes. 

Last miscarriage it was difficult to be with weach other ad my Bro had had an horrific bike accident a few days prior and was in intensive care in a coma with his head smashed in, two broken legs, two broken arms, smashed ribs and lots of other problems. I mc'd a few days later so basically just Mc'd in intensive care as I refused to leave his side. 

At least this time hubby and I are together and we feel very close at the moment. It's a good feeling in amongst all the bad stuff. 

Thinking of getting signed off for a week as work is pretty high pressured and I'm just on the verge of tears all day, not sleeping/eating well and just feel very close to losing it. My fear is I've wind up losing it infront of some mega CEO and cause alot of damage. 

Will talk to boss again this morning.

Hope everyone has a good day today. Nearly the weekend. X


----------



## fluffyblue

Hunni i dont know if it helps but my consultant got my growth measurements wrong too, I had had a scan on the Monday and that was bang on for dates etc, but when the other consultant scanned me a week later she put me back 5mm and at that stage (was about 6/7weeks) it made a hell of a difference, so she scanned me again on a different machine and ended up putting me ahead two days, she then got quite angry with herself and blurted, "i hate internal scans, everythings squashed together, you dont get to see a proper angle etc and I wish we didnt have to do this to women in your situation"

I got some comfort from that because she is a uk leading miscarriage specialist who realises that giving us this information in our fragile state is very "mindbending" as I call it.

It wasnt until I had an abdominal scan that I felt comfortable with growth etc.

I had 5 early internal scans so I do know how you are feeling and unfortunately it is a waiting game

x


----------



## Pippasdvision

Bit of a two edged sword that do you have lots of stuff you can fill your day with if you are not in work? I found it worse sitting at home waiting for things to happen as I did not have anything to occupy my mind. I do agree that something high pressued is not the right thing to be doing either.


----------



## clownfish

scan day again tomorrow... that'll be scan 5 in total so far... 

found a worse senario than losing it through MC or MMC.... 

'slow fetal growth rate'... (IUGR)


I know we cant talk about the 'A' word on here, but i swear i will never find the strength to do that even if the doctors tell me i have to do to growth/deformity problems. 

I have no idea where i would even begin to get that kind of energy from. 


I'm begging life that whatever the outcomes are, i can cope with it.. but PLEASE dont ask me to choose to do do that. :( I tried to sort of bring it up with DH and the thought had clearly already occurred to him (why hadnt it occurred to me before???) but he just said, 'don't' because he couldnt bare to talk of it either..

I cant believe i found a path darker than a MC/ MMC... i didnt think that was possible..


I just have to hope like hell we dont end up there... 


Needing some serious karma payback/good luck tomorrow. We need good growth and a strong heart beat, we deserve this.. i know we do. We are good people. :(


----------



## debgreasby

We all have amazing strength that we never thought possible.

:hug:


----------



## clownfish

debgreasby said:


> We all have amazing strength that we never thought possible.
> 
> :hug:

:nope::cry:


:hugs:


----------



## debgreasby

No point upsetting yourself unless you know the facts ... hang in there xxx


----------



## clownfish

i know. Its only because its the day before scan day... its always the hardest for us. The rest of the time we can pretend everything is normal... sort of... :(

My friend is coming by to 'take me out' and get me 'some fresh air'... so that'll help hopefully.

Sorry for being a misery again. :hugs:


xxx


----------



## debgreasby

Don't apologise ... enjoy going out ... it will do you good :hug:


----------



## Amos2009

Thinking of you....:hugs:


----------



## camishantel

clownfish said:


> scan day again tomorrow... that'll be scan 5 in total so far...
> 
> found a worse senario than losing it through MC or MMC....
> 
> 'slow fetal growth rate'... (IUGR)
> 
> 
> I know we cant talk about the 'A' word on here, but i swear i will never find the strength to do that even if the doctors tell me i have to do to growth/deformity problems.
> 
> I have no idea where i would even begin to get that kind of energy from.
> 
> 
> I'm begging life that whatever the outcomes are, i can cope with it.. but PLEASE dont ask me to choose to do do that. :( I tried to sort of bring it up with DH and the thought had clearly already occurred to him (why hadnt it occurred to me before???) but he just said, 'don't' because he couldnt bare to talk of it either..
> 
> I cant believe i found a path darker than a MC/ MMC... i didnt think that was possible..
> 
> 
> I just have to hope like hell we dont end up there...
> 
> 
> Needing some serious karma payback/good luck tomorrow. We need good growth and a strong heart beat, we deserve this.. i know we do. We are good people. :(

hey hun there is a lday on her kayshablake I think is how she spells her name that just went through IGUR and her baby is doing great so don't lose hope even if that is what happens just know there are ladys on here that have dealt with all these things before and are here for you:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## clownfish

Its all over. Surgery tomorrow or Friday.. 

Thanks for the love guys. :hugs:


We'll be back after our holiday to Florida for my Mum's wedding in 5 weeks. 


Happy pregnancies til then. xxx


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## Amos2009

So sorry Clownfish :hug: :hugs:


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## debgreasby

I' so sorry hunni, hugest :hug: to you and your OH. Take care of yourself, and hope to see you back here when you're ready xxx


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## Beadette

I'm so so sorry for your loss babe! Look after yourself - lots of love to you and your hubby x x x x x x x


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## Neko

Sorry for your loss. I was hoping you would get good news at your scan. :hugs:


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## clownfish

D&C booked for tomorrow AM... i'm terrified. Not at all sure its the right thing to do, they kept labouring the point of all the risks etc... 

but seems to me that medical 'pills' management has just as many risks and a million times more pain.. and over a longer term...

hope i made the right choice.. how can you ever know what the right choice is? ...


One more day of hell, thats what i keep telling myself, just one more day and its all over.


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## babysimpson

Clownfish, I've jsut sat and read the entire thread and I'm so sorry that you've been put through that. I'm kinda worried as well as I'm going through exactly what you did with the on and off bleeding. I wont know til next Thursday if things are right or wrong. I agree with you about the NHS. Until you reach 12wks or have had 3 mcs they don't want to know. I've had 3 mcs but they're not counting the first one as I mc'd before getting seen. 

C&J - I think I know you from another forum (the photo looks familar). Sorry to here of your loss and if you're the same person, I know how long and hard you tried to get pregnant. 

Take care of yourselves


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## Beadette

Clownfish, the D&C (or ERPC as they call it now) is not too bad at all. I've had 2 unfortunately since January. The first was traumatic mainly because it was all such a shock and i didn't know what to expect. The second time was fine.

Bascally I had to go to the EPU first thing in the morning and have bloods taken and do 2 swabs for MRSA. I then had the consent form explained and signed it. I then walked down to day case surgery and basically there's a lot of waiting around so I would take a book or magazine with you. I was given a private room both times. When they are ready for you, you will be required to strip off and put a gown on. A nurse will then administer a pessery which is designed to soften your cervix. This is normally aboutan hour before surgery. Surgery does not take long at all. I was wheeled down then given the GA - I came round in the recovery room and had only slight pain in one side and a big pad between my legs. They then wheel you back to the room and give you something to eat and drink and make you have a wee before sending you home. I bled quite heavily on the day the first time but not much at al the second time. The bleding tailed off very quickly for me and was just brown spotting for a couple of weeks after.

If you have any other questions please let me know.

If it helps I was very well looked after both times and the staff were all rally sensitive to our situation.

Lots of love x x x x


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## clownfish

Thanks again guys. 

I've cancelled the surgery though. I just couldnt shake the feeling it was the wrong thing to do. I was getting more and more anxious and just kept thinking how pissed i'd be if something went wrong and only because i'd taken the easy way out... 

The EPU were fine about me cancelling, going in for the first set of pills tomorrow. I know its gonna hurt alot more, but at least i'll be at home in control, not being put under in a hospital and being poked and prodded at. I cant face that. 

I'll give the pills two weeks and if it hasnt worked i'll get a D+C done then... 


wish me luck, hope the pain isnt as bad as people make out, my last MC wasnt too painful, so maybe this one wont be.......


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## Beadette

Whatever is best for you is the right decision hun! hugs xxxxx


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## Mrmojo1971

clownfish said:


> Thanks again guys.
> 
> I've cancelled the surgery though. I just couldnt shake the feeling it was the wrong thing to do. I was getting more and more anxious and just kept thinking how pissed i'd be if something went wrong and only because i'd taken the easy way out...
> 
> The EPU were fine about me cancelling, going in for the first set of pills tomorrow. I know its gonna hurt alot more, but at least i'll be at home in control, not being put under in a hospital and being poked and prodded at. I cant face that.
> 
> I'll give the pills two weeks and if it hasnt worked i'll get a D+C done then...
> 
> 
> wish me luck, hope the pain isnt as bad as people make out, my last MC wasnt too painful, so maybe this one wont be.......

:hugs: Sorry you're going through this.

I think the medical management is different for everyone. I had a mmc (blighted ovum) in May and should have been 10 weeks by the time I had the medical management 3 weeks after my initial scan. 

I was given pain killers with the first pessary but never felt any more pain than mild backache and so never had any more pain relief. I hope you have the same experience. 

Are you not being admitted to the EPU for the second stage ? (I was given a private room and treated very well by all the staff I came into contact with.)


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## cindersmcphee

So sorry to hear your news. Take care


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## clownfish

Mrmojo1971 said:


> Are you not being admitted to the EPU for the second stage ? (I was given a private room and treated very well by all the staff I came into contact with.)

not that i know of... but then maybe they didnt tell me about it all as i was going down the D+C route at that point. 

As far as i know its just 2 sets of pills, 48 hours apart... 

I had a normal MC last October and noone took a blind bit of notice. I never even went for a follow up scan... they just let me bleed... i did for maybe 8 or 9 days, lessening each day and that was that.. 

now this time i know its being kick started mechanically, but whats the difference? 

Why is everyone so freaked out that i'll be in CRAZY amounts of pain and going to bleed out... 

what am i missing here? 

Today they said the pills just kick started the MC.. they didnt say i'd need to be admitted to have it... doesnt it come naturally over a few days? 

Oh dear, this is all so horrid... :(


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## camishantel

the pills do kick start it however they also basically start contractions which is why it can be more painful... as far as the bleeding even with natural mc there is a chance of major bleeding..

I am so sorry you are going through this hun.. :hugs:


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## Mrmojo1971

clownfish said:


> Mrmojo1971 said:
> 
> 
> Are you not being admitted to the EPU for the second stage ? (I was given a private room and treated very well by all the staff I came into contact with.)
> 
> not that i know of... but then maybe they didnt tell me about it all as i was going down the D+C route at that point.
> 
> As far as i know its just 2 sets of pills, 48 hours apart...
> 
> I had a normal MC last October and noone took a blind bit of notice. I never even went for a follow up scan... they just let me bleed... i did for maybe 8 or 9 days, lessening each day and that was that..
> 
> now this time i know its being kick started mechanically, but whats the difference?
> 
> Why is everyone so freaked out that i'll be in CRAZY amounts of pain and going to bleed out...
> 
> what am i missing here?
> 
> Today they said the pills just kick started the MC.. they didnt say i'd need to be admitted to have it... doesnt it come naturally over a few days?
> 
> Oh dear, this is all so horrid... :(Click to expand...

I was given the first lot of pills at the EPU and had to sign a consent form for the treatment and then was admitted for the day a couple of days later. I had a private room and could have someone to stay with me the whole time. I was given pessaries and painkillers and then nothing much happened for a few hours until the bleeding started. It became quite heavy but as I said I was not in great pain.

Maybe you are being given a different version of medical management ? I can only say what happened to me but I've no idea if it differs from hospital to hospital.

If you want to know anything else please give me a shout.

:hugs:


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## Pippasdvision

Oh clownfish I am sorry that it didnt work out but I am glad that the pain is almost over and al least you know and you are not in Limbo any more. But I am so sorry, I can't stop crying. It just seems so unfair!


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## babysimpson

I couldn't say what happens as the first two times I was left to deal with it at home but the third I had to deliver in the EPU as contractiosn started while I was getting scanned. 

I really hope things go as smoothly as they can go.


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## clownfish

Hey guys, 

so thought i'd conclude this thread incase anyone else wants to use this in the future. 

So, my experience of medical management of the MMC... 

the NHS screwed up as usual and we ended up waiting over 5 hours to get the second set of pills because the EPU didnt write up the paperwork properly... lots of anger and tears followed before we left to go home, only to be called back an hour later... 

but... after all the waiting, the pills were popped in in 5 mins and i waited 30mins to check i didnt react badly then i was on my way home... 

i was very frightened i have to admit... and i took the anti sickness and painkillers as soon as i got home and pulled on a nightie and hubby put me on the sofa under a duvet.

But i had no pain at all. I could feel things 'happening' and felt warm down there, had a little back ache... but nothing more than that. 

Having said that, it was pretty traumatic.. and scary. Going to the loo and literally turning it red (murder scene style) is not easy to do... not knowing how much bleeding is too much is not good.. but thoughout i never felt dizzy or sick, and never had any pain at all... not even mild contractions ...

but when i went to the loo every 40 mins or so for about 3 hours blood poured out... i wasnt expecting it at all... as my first MC, a natural one was thick and clumpy.. this was bright red and completely runny (sorry if TMI but i'm trying to help other women make the right choice for themselves if they read this... ) 

after about 3 hours it tapered off and has been pretty light ever since. 

Still no pain or anything... 


so thats my story... i still dont know if i made the right decision or not to go medical and not D&C 

it was traumatic, it was scary, but it wasnt painful and it was over in a couple of hours... and i know that i didnt risk my body with anaesthetic or being ruptured internally. It also seemed more natural to me than being poked and prodded again and again... but, i definitely picked up some mental scars through it... and have those to deal with.

If i go through it again, i still wont know which way is the best way... but i made it through the medical with a few mental scars, but no physical ones. 


Hope this is a help to someone else if they have to decide which way to go. 


Think this thread is concluded now, we are going to NTNP for a couple of months and leave it to fate.... if its meant to be, maybe it just will be. 

Thanks again for all the support, i really appreciate it. TTFN. xxxxxxx


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## debgreasby

Hugest :hug: hunni.... take care xxx


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## babysimpson

I think you've been brilliant throughout all this and I'm sure writing about your experience will really help others who need to make that horrible decision. You just need to rest up now and take care of yourself.


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