# How to complete the family?



## Liza09

HI all. Want to share the situation I have...I'm 39 already, no children( It is so difficult to admit that a half of life we with husband chase after happiness...good job, high income, new house, good car, vocations abroad...etc. and when we "came into reality" we understood that it is not the happiness we need, probably all material things can't be called "happiness". And now it looks like boring job, still high income, empty house...routine, every day is as previous one. We want so much to become parents but at my age there is not so high chances to become pregnant. We are still trying...we are trying more than 2 years, but nothing had happened yet((( What should we do to complete our family?


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## Redclaire

Hello and howdydoodee!
Lots of ladies here in the same boat!
First up...doctor visit ASAP, 2 years is long enough to be trying at our age. Get some baseline info and decide from there how aggressive you want to be on the baby making game!
Doctor will probably do bloods, a semen analysis on himself and a HSG (check to see if your tubes are patent) At least then with that info and medical opinion you can see where you stand.
All the best!!


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## Wish4another1

Liza - first off you are 39 not 69 - yes it is older (hello I am 41) but you can still get preg and still have a family - so leave Dr Google alone if he is depressing you about your age and fertility :hugs:

second off - yes what Redclaire says - go to the Doctor!!!! Get bloodwork and SA find out if what is wrong is something simple or something that requires a medical procedure... 

I want to encourage you that you can still have a family - just be persistent and be the squeaky wheel - don't take no for an answer...

Good luck and if you need help just post - we are all here!!:hugs:


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## Liza09

I'm so thankful you for support and encourage :hugs: I appreciate. 
Friend recommended good clinic with good specialists, she attended one of the doctors and said that he is really good specialist from God, so there I can do all the tests, so on Monday will make an app. 
It will be our first step in the direction of our dream :boat:


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## fostertime

hello. don't be upset you are still in the age when many women get pregnant.it is the age of technology so it is not difficult to solve the problem, only be positive and do what was said before - first go to the doctor. I also was ih the same boat several years ago, didn't know what to do, had depression bcz couldn't get pregnant but I was persistent and now I have my DD:)


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## Liza09

So, I made an app. in the clinic to check what is wrong with me...will go tomorrow...to tell the truth I'm afraid, if doc will find something very bad((((


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## fostertime

you musn't worry. don't upset yourself. you are acting and doing something to solve the problem and it is important! good luck!!!!!!!


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## Liza09

I know that it is better to know and that it will be easier to find the way of salvation when you know the reason but still I afraid to hear something really awful...


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## Wish4another1

:hug: the first step is always the hardest just because of the unknown... It's going to be ok!!! Deep breath and relax! Nowadays the only thing that can for sure keep you from having a baby is not wanting one... 
Almost everything can be fixed... 
I'll be thinking of you! Keep us updated!!


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## alison29

It is probably something simple to fix don't worry.


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## Liza09

Hi dear ladies! Thank you for your support it is so great to have all of you here! doctor said I have empty follicle syndrome( Do you know something about it?


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## fostertime

btw, what is the clinic?


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## fostertime

oh dear, i had the same syndrome. it's when no oocytes are retrieved after a series of ovarian stimulation


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## terripeachy

Did you go through IVF and they weren't able to retrieve any eggs? I don't know how the doctors would know this just by a simple ultrasound (is this what you did?). Tell me more about how they came to this conclusion, please. I'm curious.


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## Liza09

No, I didn't go through IVF. They used some other method to diagnose. The method is carried out by determining in the follicular fluid content follicle stimulating hormone, insulin-like growth factor and human chorionic gonadotropin and a differential component is calculated by some formula and when the exponent is less than 0.5 development EFS is absolute and patient recommend donations.


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## fostertime

and what are you going to do????did doctor recommended you something?????


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## Liza09

my doc said that the most acceptable way to get pregnant is to do ivf using donated eggs.


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## fostertime

have you already decided where to do it?


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## Liza09

I don't know, I started to read but there are so many information, so many clinics that I just lost...


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## fostertime

yes I agree that there are a lot of clinics, I also faced with such a problem while choosing the clinic. So if you want I can share my experience with you where I went through IVF


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## Liza09

Of course I want. Any information will be appreciated!


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## fostertime

I was looking a lot for a good clinic and finally chose one in Spain


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## Liza09

I also heard that reproductive medicine in Spain is rather good one. What advantages did you find in the clinic you are talking about?


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## fostertime

the thing which attracted me is the Guarantee program in this clinic IEGRA TRES TORRES


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## Liza09

I like the word GUARANTEE))) What kind of guarantee is this?


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## fostertime

the program provides 8 attempts and if you fail conceiving the whole sum that you paid at the beginning is returned to you


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## Liza09

for how long time the program will last?


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## fostertime

the whole program with 8 attempts last 2 years


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## Liza09

and if you will succeed after the first attempt the price will be the same?


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## fostertime

yes, the price will remain the same


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## Liza09

Do you know how they will select your donor? Will you have the ability to see medical records and be sure you'll have good donor?


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## fostertime

the clinic gives you opportunity to choose among several donors, whom you can choose according to your phenotype.Of course you are given their medical history and besides photos, and this fact surprised me, bcz not so many clinics provide patients with such a service


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## Liza09

yes, it is true, in our time where so many clinics, where science develop so quickly and reproductive medicine can help to decide the most difficult problems we can't find the place we really want to go, clinic which we can really believe( and I'm glad you found such place) It can help other ppl as I to find the way out and to have baby as you) How did you cope with feelings during the procedure?) Bcz I'm always nervous when should do some important step)


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## fostertime

of course, I also was nervous but my DH was a great support to me.Besides I was very persistent in what I am doing and was thinking only abt positive results, nothing bad was in my mind


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## Liza09

How do you think is it worth to tell the child that he/she was conceived with a help of donor material?


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## fostertime

it is really quite a tricky question. You know I didn't think abt it before....I think that it can effect a child's psychology::::((((


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## ZubZub

Perhaps the child would want to know about their genetics but I think if they know they were not an unwanted pregnancy / adopted but rather that they were so wanted it will make the biggest difference. Think about it, you are willing to search the world to get the right donor material - and they are the result! So in your mind, you chose them as the perfect child. I think most of the psychological issues that come out when children learn they are not the biological offspring of their parents come from that feeling of rejection - that their own mother didn't want them. That won't happen for you. So it will be a case of convincing your child that even though they are not genetically the same as their mother they are every bit your child and as precious as if the egg had been from you. Perhaps you could get input from someone with a psychology background though? You are so brave to embark on this and I wish you all the very, very best XX


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## Liza09

I want to be honest with my children. I think it is important for them to know. What can be if they know accidentally from some other person, it will be terrible and than there will be more work to be done to explain everything and not to harm their hearts. I admit that they can look not like me and ppl can ask " why your children look like someone else" I know such cases and it can cause problems. For me it is important question.


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## fostertime

ZubZub, I liked your phrase that a child is wanted,that's a wonderful word. really I was making a lot of efforts to conceive a child.Know, your post convinced me that I should tell my baby the real history and I will do it, when proper time will come. thank you:::))))))


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## Liza09

I saw very good video about it when girl born through ivf told what she feels as a child. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=489905124443754&set=vb.438649982902602&type=2&theater


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## fostertime

very nice video, of much value....yes I think that a child should be worth telling abt the way he was born


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## Liza09

yes, I thought about this questions a few weeks and read about it different inf. so, probably all ppl say that it is important to tell and there is nothing to shame. I'm sure there is stereotype that it is something bad but it is not like that. I know that religious is against it...


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## fostertime

yes, but we live in the modern world and IVF is a modern technology,we should really abondon all the stereotypes and go ahead not looking back in the past


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## Liza09

I agree but my husband's mother is too religious and she is against, she says if Lord doesn't give you child than just humble yourself. I don't pay attention and keep doing what I do but still I hate when she says this.


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## fostertime

but it is your life and you want to become a mother, so think abt yourself


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## Liza09

Im trying but it is my husband's mother and I know that her attitude is important for him...sometimes it seems to me she is more important that I. bcz of this infertility diagnose I feel myself guilty and defective(


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## fostertime

it is really difficult for me to comprehend your situation bcz I didn't have such problems. I only knew that want a child and made my dream come true....


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## ZubZub

Ignore your mil! I am religious and believe that God gave us a brain, and blessed us with doctors who have skills so we should use both wisely. If she was sick she'd visit a doctor for medication wouldn't she (unless she's one of the religions that completely leave it to God)? The other thing is, God gave us a choice - we are free to decide our own way. If He wants us to choose our own way (and face the consequences) then who is anyone else to dictate to us? 

You are NOT being punished for anything by being made infertile. Don't feel guilty. My sister had an affair and fell pregnant. Her daughter is fine. I have always followed the rules and I have a daughter with down syndrome. That should be proof that God doesn't punish us like that - although sometimes it's hard to believe when we see other people having such "good luck". If you are a believer, pray and remind God that He has promised us children as a blessing and part of our inheritance. Ask Him to give you peace about your decision and, if it is His will, to change your husband's heart. Judgemental people like your MIL really give believers a bad name!!


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## Liza09

I'm not against Lord, I believe in His words which are written in the Holy Bible but when you probably every day hear that you don't have children bcz you are not worthy to be mother and grow your children, just live and do nothing with your infertility, as a variant she gave me advice to get a dog and to be engaged in gardening, just to take time and not to think about such things as ivf, bcz it is not good in God's eyes to do artificial babies...it is so painful that I can't describe it with words...


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## fostertime

Liza, understand you. but don't give up!!if it is your dream you must realize it into life


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## Liza09

I'll not refuse from my dream, just it is a bit harder if you have such kind of pressure from your family, I need support and unfortunately I don't have it. Still I choose a clinic already and will call the manager this week.


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## fostertime

which clinic do you mean?????


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## ZubZub

Liza I am so sorry your mil is so insensitive. She obviously has no idea what it's like to not be able to have children. I feel so mad on your behalf! Well done for finding a clinic and I hope they are super nice to you. What about your own family? You do need support. XX


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## Liza09

Thank you for support!!! I appreciate! As for my family I have only my husband. It is our little family and hope soon we will have our baby, it is my biggest desire ever. But I don't give and move further)))


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## Liza09

@fostertime decided go to Spanish clinic IEGRA...hope it good one


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## fostertime

what made you choice??????


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## Liza09

my choice was made by my strong desire to have a baby, to take care of this baby to teach, to sing lullaby....for my surprise my hubby support me)


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## fostertime

you are lucky to have support of your husband from the very beginning,many women don't get this and find it difficult to handle the situation by themselves::(((


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## Liza09

Agree!!! It is so important to have someone by your side who understands you or someone who just tries to understand you))) I'm happy that I have him and hope we will manage to complete our family....


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## fostertime

i think that you will be satisfied with IEGRA clinic. I didn't never regret that used the services of this clinic..when are you going there???


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## Liza09

Called the manager yesterday, she sent me a list with medical tests which I should do before going to the clinic, so when I'll finish with tests we will define the day of the first appointment.


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## fostertime

happy that you are making first steps toward your dream of becoming a mother!!!!!


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## Liza09

soon will finish with tests and will make the first appointment, think on Monday will be ready to call to the clinic and will have all needed results in my hands.


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## fostertime

wish you a lot of patience with the tests...remember myself, hate such a thing, but to reach a goal one should bear such moments


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## Liza09

Think on Thursday will be ready with tests and will call the manager to make an appointment.


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## fostertime

Liza, how are you????are you still doing the tests?????


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## Liza09

no, finished with tests already, have all needed results, called the manager made an app. On the 20th of August will go to the first app)))


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## fostertime

oh it is so soon, wish you good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Liza09

so, tomorrow is my X-day))) I'm rather excited, hope for the best!)


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## fostertime

all the best to you!!!!spend this day doing all things that you love in order to have a lot of positive e motions


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## Liza09

thank you) we are here a day already, everything is ok, doctor checked our results of medical tests, made some extra examination, made a protocol, today will discuss all which concerns details of program, first payment and contract itself.


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## fostertime

so happy that everything is ok!!!!that's great!!!!!how more days are you going to be there???


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## Liza09

At home already, managed to cope with all necessary things during the first visit. So, started stimulation...


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## fostertime

and what are you taking currently????


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## Liza09

doctor made a protocol, so need to take birth control pills from the 3rd day of the cycle for 21 days.


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## fostertime

and what else are you taking or only birth control pills????


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## Liza09

At this stage only birth control pills to synchronize my and donor's cycle, than on the 17th day of cycle will have injections of Diphereline.


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## fostertime

Liza09 said:


> At this stage only birth control pills to synchronize my and donor's cycle, than on the 17th day of cycle will have injections of Diphereline.

what is diphereline???


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## Liza09

Diphereline suppresses ovarian function and frozes the cycle.


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## fostertime

Liza09 said:


> Diphereline suppresses ovarian function and frozes the cycle.

what is the dosage of it???


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## Liza09

3,75 mg - it is injections, it is possible to make one injection or to divide this 3.75 to 0,1 mg and do injections every day.


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## nflores77

:hugs: Liza ... hoping the best and following your story!


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## Liza09

Thanx, dear))) I'm sure eveything will be ok)


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## fostertime

Liza09 said:


> 3,75 mg - it is injections, it is possible to make one injection or to divide this 3.75 to 0,1 mg and do injections every day.

will you have 1 injection of 3.75 mg or divide it into 0.1 every day??


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## Liza09

divided into 0.1(( hate injections(((


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## fostertime

Liza09 said:


> divided into 0.1(( hate injections(((

I think everyone hates them


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## Liza09

for the aim I do it I'm ready to do injections every day)


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## fostertime

what abt food??are you folllowing some diet plan???


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## Liza09

yes, I changed a bit my eating habits to have bigger chances to get BFP)


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## fostertime

and what are you eating??? are you eager to eat something exact??


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## Liza09

There are a few things I avoid - caffeine, unpasteurized dairy products like milk and soft cheeses such as brie and feta, predatory fish such as tuna, shark and swordfish, because they often contain high levels of mercury. Also avoid unpasteurized juice and lunch meats that have not been heated to steaming hot because they may carry bacteria. Refrigerated foods that have gone unrefrigerated for two hours or more.


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## fostertime

great, I see that you chose a serious approach toward the food you consuming. Wow, keep following your diet and I am sure that everything would be ok,because we are what we eat.


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## Liza09

yes, of course, it is very important!!! and i think that I need to avoid products which can cause poisoning or which contain various kinds of parasites.


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## fostertime

do you read some books abt future motherhood????


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## Liza09

I'm reading now "What to expect when you are expecting", cool one!


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## fostertime

Have you already decided abt the room for your child???colours, design, different trifles, I like such stuff very much!!


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## Liza09

it is too early...think worth to wait until positive result. I also like all such things but don't want to start so early not to scare luck)))


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## fostertime

when will you do HCG????


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## Liza09

1 more week of stimulation and than transfer and in 14 days after transfer will do HCG test.


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## fostertime

your transfer is approachin!!!!!wish good luck and a lot of positive emotions!!!!!


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## Liza09

soon, yes.... thank you, hope everything will be ok, packed suitcase already)))


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## fostertime

will you go with your hubby????


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## Liza09

yes, of course, it is needed for him to go too, doctor should checked him too.


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## fostertime

have a good luck there!!!!!waiting for good news from you::))


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## Liza09

thanx dear! Will tell the results when will know everything.


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