# Hypnobirthing and feeling like a failure due to the amount of pressure..



## GeorgeyGal

Another thread just got me thinking about the hypnobirthing classes I attended, my labour was the complete opposite of what I had planned, I had planned a home water birth which I decided after attending hypnobirthing classes. I felt an immense pressure to stand my ground with my midwife and go overdue and refuse induction, which I did for 17 days, I went into hospital for wellbeing scans and monitoring for the last 10 days before LO was finally induced. I cried everyday for a week before LO was induced, I felt like a failure that I was giving in to induction and not doing the best for my unborn baby, I was in pain as I was in slow labour for the last 2 weeks also, I felt disabled I was so huge I couldnt sleep or walk, it was hell. I even emailed my hypno practicioner for support, I didnt get a reply until after LO was born, she asked what had happened, I told her my birth story, that I was induced and LO was back to back and I had to have an emergency c section after a 20 hour labour and getting fully dilated. Well I never heard anything back and I doubt my birth story will ever make it onto her website as it wasnt the 'right' outcome. No wonder I felt so down after the birth, I felt angry at myself mostly for putting myself, OH and LO under so much pressure.

Dont get me wrong I took alot away from it, the relaxation exercises were fantastic and it kept me calm during the labour but the pressure I felt to have the perfect birth was too much, even a midwife at the hospital said she was a hypno practicioner but had to give it up as it conflicted with being a midwife. 

Next time I wont go so long overdue thats for sure!! Just my experience.


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## Bexyboop

I totally understand where you are coming from. I went to hypnobirthing and was hoping for using a pool and it all being calm etc etc.

Well my LO was almost 2 weeks late, I was induced. I hummed and hawed about going for the induction. I had been in early labour for around 3 days and ended up just going for it as I thought I could be like that for another number of days and probably end up being induced anyway. I was in tears before going into the hospital, felt like a failure. I too was exhausted and huge.

All my plans went out the window, which I knew was likely to happen but my birth was the polar opposite of what I had hoped for. My son was back to back also and the contractions in my back were like nothing I have ever felt before. I ended up with an epidural and forceps, after a very long 29 hour labour.

I was proud of certain things that I achieved but I do look back at some of it and wish that I had done stuff differently. I did go into it with my eyes wide open but I do feel sad that it went so far away from what I ha hoped for. There is always next time! 

I am really sad to hear the response or lack of from you practioner. That must have made you feel like crap.


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## lovealittle1

:hugs: I can relate. I attended birthing from within classes which taught me everything I needed to know about having a drug free natural labour and how to breath through the pain etc etc. I so badly wanted my drug free no intervention beautiful birth. My waters broke early and got to the hospital already at 4cm's 100%effaced and everyone said it won't be long. I laboured naturally in the pool for 8 hours and still hadn't progressed one bit. Was in agony so received epidural, iv and pitocin. Got to 10 cm's and pushed for 4 hours. Baby did not move down at all. Got internal fetal monitoring as baby's hb was dropping then after all that was rushed for emcs. Baby was comPletely stuck with cord wrapped 5 times around head, neck and shoulders and presenting sideways :cry: still feel such a failure and feel so disappointed.


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## Empress25

Ive got no experience with hypnobirthing, but my delivery didnt go as planned either (it was an assisted delivery). I was really upset and disappointed at myself for a while, but the most important thing is that my little one is here and hes ok.

Im sorry to hear that your course leader wasnt supportive and didnt respond to your birth story. I think you were really strong holding out from induction so long though.


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## tristansmum

know nothing about hypnobirthing but know loads about birth not going to plan. it took me around 5-6 months to come to terms with my emergency c section. xxxxx


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## Emz1982_in_uk

I was going to consider hypnobirthing for my 2nd. That's very disappointing that you got no support from them afterwards. Did they ever talk you through 'what if's'? Were they really anti drugs/intervention etc etc or was it just the case that for obvious reasons they purely promoted a natual labour? x


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## Beadette

I can relate in some ways with the birth not going to plan and feeling disappointed and upset. I had planned a water birth with only G&A if necessary. I had booked relaxation classes with the hospital etc etc. The thought of having a c-section never entered my head - that wouldn't happen to me I thought :dohh:

I ended up with severe preelampsia, being on a shit-load of very strong meds whilst they tried to stabilise me and then had an emergency c-section a day later (on the day my weekly relaxation classes were due to start :dohh:, my baby was takn away from me and taken to NICU whilst they tried to get my BP down, other family members met my son before I did etc etc.

Anyway - the fact of the matter is that our babies, regardless of what we wanted, came into the world in the way they did, whether that was down to it being the safest way or that labour didn't go to plan. We must come to terms with the fact that, although we tried to be prepared, we had no (or very little) control over it!

And look at our babies! We did that! We made them! That's a lot to be proud of!

My mum said to me "darling, you don't get extra mummy points for giving birth naturally or without pain relief - at the end of the day, you are still a mummy - and it's what you do now that counts"

Love to all :flower:


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## cissyhope

Yes i can relate as i practiced Hypnobirthing and felt it didnt really work :shrug: i did only have G&A but every time i tried to practice the breathing technique, the pain got worse?!! :wacko: I did the classes and practiced? They broke my waters :wacko: and i had a clip on Lo head :wacko: and i had a ventouse birth in the end? I just felt crap bout myself after as i thought id failed.So not like the peaceful birthing videos i saw :haha: i was screaming like a banshee! :haha: Iv come to the conclusion that hypnobirthing is great for when you have your second LO. Op Im sorry for your experience :hugs: The HB practitioner you had, sounds really crap :growlmad:x


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## Nev23

cissyhope said:


> Yes i can relate as i practiced Hypnobirthing and felt it didnt really work :shrug: i did only have G&A but every time i tried to practice the breathing technique, the pain got worse?!! :wacko: I did the classes and practiced? They broke my waters :wacko: and i had a clip on Lo head :wacko: and i had a ventouse birth in the end? I just felt crap bout myself after as i thought id failed.So not like the peaceful birthing videos i saw :haha: i was screaming like a banshee! :haha: Iv come to the conclusion that hypnobirthing is great for when you have your second LO. Op Im sorry for your experience :hugs: The HB practitioner you had, sounds really crap :growlmad:x

Hi,I also did hypnobirthing....i had a fairly easy birth but I also found that the breathing techniques made my contractions more intense,I remember being surprised by this as I thought the relaxed breathing would reduce discomfort..every time I took a deep breath my contractions got more painful.


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## cissyhope

Nev23 said:


> cissyhope said:
> 
> 
> Yes i can relate as i practiced Hypnobirthing and felt it didnt really work :shrug: i did only have G&A but every time i tried to practice the breathing technique, the pain got worse?!! :wacko: I did the classes and practiced? They broke my waters :wacko: and i had a clip on Lo head :wacko: and i had a ventouse birth in the end? I just felt crap bout myself after as i thought id failed.So not like the peaceful birthing videos i saw :haha: i was screaming like a banshee! :haha: Iv come to the conclusion that hypnobirthing is great for when you have your second LO. Op Im sorry for your experience :hugs: The HB practitioner you had, sounds really crap :growlmad:x
> 
> Hi,I also did hypnobirthing....i had a fairly easy birth but I also found that the breathing techniques made my contractions more intense,I remember being surprised by this as I thought the relaxed breathing would reduce discomfort..every time I took a deep breath my contractions got more painful.Click to expand...

 YES!!! :shock: thank you for saying! bizarre :wacko: i tried lots thinking maybe i was doing it wrong but in the end i gave up and sucked on the G&A :dohh: very disappointing x


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## GeorgeyGal

Oh wow thanks for sharing ladies! 

Well my practicioner was pregnant at the time of starting lessons with her 3rd baby, she had all straight forward home births so I can understand why she promoted home births, the other lady at my lessons also was having a home birth and since lesson 1 they slagged off hospitals as dirty and unnecessary, i.e. you are not ill so why go to hospital!!! At the time I didnt think much of it, but strong wording I know but I felt brainwashed into choosing a water home birth like the other ladies, thinking it was the safest thing for my baby as all I kept hearing was, if you are induced it will end with c section and baby will become stressed which means you will have a stressed baby and adult on your hands! So I spent £300 on a pool and was very excited for a calm easy birth! One thing that still rings in my head from her was 'baby will come when they are ready'. Well mine wouldnt have, I didnt find out he was back to back until I was fully dilated and he wasnt dropping! 

I did actually enjoy my birth and do not regret anything as it was taken out of hands by the time I was induced and finding out he was back to back just made me angry that I had spent weeks stressed and in tears because I wasnt going into labour naturally. I certainly wouldnt have wanted to labour at home if LO was back to back. Apparantly if I did my visualisation LO would be in the optimum birthing position, what a load of crap!! 

Any good practicioner should prepare you for all scenarios, surely hypnobirthing is about feeling positive about the birth and having that support as anyone that goes to these classes are obviously nervous and scared, why put so much pressure on to have the perfect birth, just because they did doesnt mean everyone can. 

I feel so much better now, I didnt realise how much this has effected me still!!


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## hanelei

GeorgeyGal said:


> Any good practicioner should prepare you for all scenarios, surely hypnobirthing is about feeling positive about the birth and having that support as anyone that goes to these classes are obviously nervous and scared, why put so much pressure on to have the perfect birth, just because they did doesnt mean everyone can.

This is so true! I teach yoga so am surrounded by a lot of "alternative" people, and I could tell a lot of people were surprised to hear I planned to have my baby at a hospital and not a home water birth or similar. I'm 36 and know that complications are more likely at my age so I wanted to be in a place where I could have medical intervention if necessary and I didn't care what anyone thought of it. 

Hypnobirthing I'm sure can be very helpful but it's not good if you are made to feel like you have failed if you don't have a "perfect" birth. I also think you are amazing for holding out so long after going overdue- I was scheduled to be induced at 6 days overdue and I was quite relieved! As it happened I went into labour myself at five days overdue but after pushing for 4 hours was getting nowhere so ended up with a ventouse extraction- not what I had imagined/hoped for but I have a lovely healthy little boy so I've tried to put it out of my mind.

Glad to hear you're feeling better about it now :flower:


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## Aunty E

Hopefully my friend will pop on in a minute and tell you about how my hypnobirthing instructor told her she could cure her diabetes through positive thought :dohh: I did it wi my first, was useful up until the point where my daughter malpresented in the birth canal and got stuck and the midwives made me push for hours before yanking her out with forceps by which point she was very very distressed and we had to stay in for three days. My practitioner was also a bit dismissive of my birth experience, and I got the feeling at my second set of classes that she didn't want me to talk about my instrumental delivery. So I didn't bother going back. I had a perfectly chilled second delivery using a tens machine, gas and air, lots of rocking and panting and a really nice midwife led unit, and no hypnobirthing.


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## 3011busyyear

I know hypnobirthing works for many people, but who knows whether that is because their labors progress well and they are able to cope with the pain, if their labour had gone the way yours or mine or many other went would they have been the same?m:shrug:

I had the hypnobirthing cd although I didn't attend classes, tbh I found it relaxing during pregnancy but the woman's voice just irritated me in labour, good job she wasn't in the room with me :blush:
Some classes are run by genuine caring people but then there are classes that are just money spinners aimed to pray on first time or anxious mums willing to try anything to improve their birth experience :growlmad:

I just remembered the bit on the cd about picturing a rainbow and I remember trying this in labour and thinking 'i hope that rainbow has an epidural at the end'!


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## jools85

i'm really sceptical about hypnobirthing altogether. Yes, relaxation of any kind is great in labour and essentially thats what it is.

There are 2 types of birth; the quick (and by quick i mean under 15 hours!) ones which in most cases women are lucky enough to be able to get through without a lot of drugs etc, and the long, complicated ones which almost always end in instrumental delivery/csection.

It has nothing to do with 'visualisation' which type of birth you have, it is just the way it is, nothing you can do about it,and no amount of 'relaxation' will help, if you need medical intervention you need it. I am sick of women being made to feel 'guilty' for not having an ideal birth, and also hate it when some who have had a good birth (not all), feel the need to brag and make themselves out to be some sort of hero.

There are 2 main reasons i disagree with hypnobirthing; I think that it can be quite dangerous for women to be pushed into home birth and as expressed by OP you can feel very guilty if you didn't have the perfect birth. Second, have you seen how expensive it is?! I dont know about everyone else but near me it is over £200 for a course, seems a little like a cult to me, esp when pregnancy yoga classes are £5 each and brilliant for relaxation, essentially the same thing.

Sorry for the long rant, I feel quite strongly about this!!


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## numum

Oh this is making steam come out my ears-its indescribably unfair that anyone has been made to feel so bad about their birth-if your practitioner is registered i would certainly write to the institute about your experience with them. Pressure to home/natural birth is just as bad as pressure to go to hospital. Its about the right to choose what is best for you and feel empowered in that choice whatever it is. There was huge emphasis in my class on the fact that labour is never predictable and how important it is not to have a fixed idea of how your labour would go as it is then very stressful if circumstances change. Hypnobirthing worked for me, in my notes the midwife describes my calmness and internal state but for sure it was a labour without complication apart from being long. From the moment you become pregnant all the way through parenthood there are so many decisions and it is so hard and all you want is the best for lo its so sad that there is not more solidarity and ssupport eesp from so called professionals for what is after all is an incredibly important job that we do as parents.


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## My_First

cissyhope said:


> Nev23 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> cissyhope said:
> 
> 
> Yes i can relate as i practiced Hypnobirthing and felt it didnt really work :shrug: i did only have G&A but every time i tried to practice the breathing technique, the pain got worse?!! :wacko: I did the classes and practiced? They broke my waters :wacko: and i had a clip on Lo head :wacko: and i had a ventouse birth in the end? I just felt crap bout myself after as i thought id failed.So not like the peaceful birthing videos i saw :haha: i was screaming like a banshee! :haha: Iv come to the conclusion that hypnobirthing is great for when you have your second LO. Op Im sorry for your experience :hugs: The HB practitioner you had, sounds really crap :growlmad:x
> 
> Hi,I also did hypnobirthing....i had a fairly easy birth but I also found that the breathing techniques made my contractions more intense,I remember being surprised by this as I thought the relaxed breathing would reduce discomfort..every time I took a deep breath my contractions got more painful.Click to expand...
> 
> YES!!! :shock: thank you for saying! bizarre :wacko: i tried lots thinking maybe i was doing it wrong but in the end i gave up and sucked on the G&A :dohh: very disappointing xClick to expand...

This was the same for me. The 'surge' breathing which was supposed to be long one if I remember, just hurt my tummy as my diaphraghm got larger and larger! I am glad it wasnt just me!


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## clarsair

I can understand how you feel totally. Although I didn't go to classes, I did practise hypnobirthing and read lots of 'Ina May Gaskin'-type books in preparation for my homebirth. It ended up being a long exhausting labour, LO was malpresented and they struggled to get her out even by c-section. Even though all the midwives told me at the time I couldn't have done any more, it's only now nearly a year later I'm really starting to believe it as I felt such a failure. I even thought that it was my fault because I didn't 'believe' in myself enough or was worried about labour! Ridiculous.

I feel the important thing is not the method of birth but that whatever choice you make it is truly 'your' choice and an informed decision. And there is no such thing as failure in birth!


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## Leila Fae

Aunty E said:


> Hopefully my friend will pop on in a minute and tell you about how my hypnobirthing instructor told her she could cure her diabetes through positive thought :dohh:

Ah yes! That was a special moment. I was very nearly speechless! I think that some of the hypnobirthing techniques were useful for Aunty E - visualisation, affirmations and light touch massage but a lot of what the practitioner said I didn't necessarily agree with. No one should be made to feel a failure if they need intervention though. As Aunty E said to me after her first LO was born: they didn't walk around the maternity ward giving out medals to those who had no pain relief. So long as you and your baby are healthy then it was a success.


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## Tulip

I'm so sad that your practitioner was not supportive :( Mine was very good at stressing that birth is unpredictable and that the hypno should be used to calm yourself through any unexpected turn in your labour. 

Weirdly, my labour started exactly as I'd visualised it... But I didn't handle the contractions 12 hours later as well as I'd expected and it knocked me for six. I took half a pethidine to get me through the worst of the dilation but thankfully didn't need anything more (my reluctance was more to do with the effect on baby than any hypno-pressure). They filled the pool and I had to concentrate on relaxing in order to get my pulse rate down - which worked, but LO was then crowning still in the sac! They didn't realise my body was pushing, so I guess it worked to an extent :wacko:


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## GeorgeyGal

I do think that having a good labour is partly down to luck so e.g. for my labour there is nothing more I could have done no matter how relaxed I was. I practiced the hypno techniques religeously for months, at least 2 hrs a night (my practicioner said for those who dont have good births its because they dont believe in it or dont practice enough!) Well I did, believe me, and truely believed in it or I wouldnt have chosen a home birth! 

Of course if you go into it thinking, Im terrified I want every drug going! that is another story and getting mindset a bit more positive 'could' be the difference between a natural or c section birth due to intervention etc. 

But showing these 'perfect' calm births on video is irresponsible, not one woman I saw hardly did more than a murmor, what message is that, if I scream during my labour I have failed, I didnt practice enough! And then theres the panic of, oh god Im in pain I wasnt prepared for this, help!!

Dont get me wrong I had a positive calm birth and was really proud of myself how well I did and I enjoyed my c section, it was the failure to go into labour myself and feeling angry that I shouldnt be proud of how well I did because it wasnt a hypno birth so it must be my fault, something I did or didnt do. I know now I did the best I could and I couldnt have done anymore.


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## summer rain

I've never done hypnobirthing but have looked into it (and my sister did it with her daughters) and decided it works well for some but is not for me. I've had a homebirth before and booked one this time; but due to living down a private road and it being extremely icy when my son was born the midwives said due to insurance issues and so on it would be difficult for them to come to me, I could have forced them to come as it is legally obliged for them to send a midwife to you, but I just had a bad feeling that I couldn't handle giving birth at home this time so I told them just leave it. I was worried about not getting to the hospital in time as my previous labours had been precipitous but I needn't have worried because I ended up having contractions on and off for two days and they started up really strong but kept stopping, over 12 hours before we finally went to hospital. When I got to hospital I was only 1cm dilated; but was in agony; with my others I felt that way when I was 9cm. I needed to hit the gas and air very early just to be able to cope and it ended up that me being on the bed propped up was the best thing as LO shot out, facing sideways when the midwives were out of the room, with his waters intact. With my second youngest; who I had at home the midwives forgot the correct attachment to the gas and air and I don't think I would have coped at all well if that had happened again; I would have probably panicked. I have come across ladies who have been quite condescending over the fact I didn't get to have my homebirth this time, usually ladies who were pregnant and expecting a few weeks after me who idealised things, but several of them have had similar experiences since so I hope they realise now things are not always so cut and dried xx


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## Cattia

I did NCT with my daughter and whilst I did find it very informative, there was definitely an expectation on you to habe a natural, pain free labour. My daughter was back to back and I had 48 hours of intense contractions before even getting into established labour. I asked for an epidural and eended up with forceps and an episiotomy. I felt ok about my labour but iy certainly wasn't the idealized experience I had been led to expect. With my son I had no expectations. I was prepared for anything and fully expected to have to go to hospital, but as it turned out, I had him at the birthing centre, in the pool in 2 hours of established labour with no pain relief. It was a great experience and I am sure it was helped by me being so much more chilled out about the whole thing, I felt no pressure at all. I am sure if he had been back to back it would have gone a similar way to ny daughter, i just count it as lucky.


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## Tulip

Summer Rain - it's a comfort for me to hear the difference in pain you felt between labours... Hopefully next time I'll be able to get further before going in, or even better get my HB :)


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## lynnikins

i think first time round for a woman to get a natural med free labour is a blessing, your body is going through something new its hard and can be very scary, i planned a nice calm waterbirth for ds1 but ended up after 56 hours of labor having him with my legs in stirrups flat on my back with ventouse assistance, it didnt go to plan but with him malpresenting with his arm over his BIG head then he wasnt gonna move down by himself with the teeny bit of energy i had left to push at that point. yes his heartrate was fine i could have probably just taken a nap at that point or rested and got some energy back and delivered him myself but i was scared and fighting the pain tensing up so fighting what my body was trying to do.
with ds2 i knew from experience things could go wrong i took up the offer of induction at 40+10 and dont regret it we know why now my body didnt start labour itself but that push from the induction gel was what was needed and i had him naturally with just the use of my TENS and gas and air and relaxation breathing getting me through 7 hours of labour I loved the experience of his birth and as long as theres no medical reason for induction this baby will come in its own time and i plan to use the same relaxation breathing techniques and my Tens and possibly water to get me through this labour too.

experience counts for alot in birth IMO, a positive attitude and knowing the risks of things is good but birth and labour is different for every woman for every pregnancy so we might have an ideal of how we want it to be but should be prepared for what could happen or need to happen if things dont go to plan


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