# Breathing baby out vs. pushing



## Kiss08

I'm doing hypnobirthing techniques to have my baby and one of the big things with hypnobirthing is breathing your baby out, not pushing/forcing it out.

I'm having my baby in a hospital in the US. All they ever talk about is pushing. How have people found medical professional react to not pushing? I feel like I'll get pressured.. I'm sure it's different at every hospital and with different staff there but I'm just trying to get a general idea of others' experiences.


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## MindUtopia

I never really got this whole breathing baby out but not pushing thing. I mean I get asking for no directed pushing (no one telling you when and how long to push, I think this must be what they mean!). But you can't _not_ push, your body does it involuntarily and it's supposed to. But I do think no directed pushing is really important. Assuming you've not had an epidural, your body will just do it. 

The UK is obviously very different when it comes to these things, but I just stated very clearly in my birth plan that no one was to tell me when, how or where to push and that I would push when my body needed to, and they didn't. Midwife just stood at the door or knelt near me on the floor but never said a word (or touched me) the whole time I was pushing (4 hours) other than to tell me she was about to use the doppler. If you're birthing somewhere a bit less natural birth focused, your best bet is to state it VERY clearly in your birth plan and make sure you have someone (partner or doula) who supports your wishes and will tell whoever to back off if they intervene too much. Also, it may not be possible due to finances/insurance/hospital policy, but hiring a midwife is probably the best way to guarantee this as the midwifery model of care tends to not be as pushy about directed pushing.


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## imthatgirl

MindUtopia said:
 

> I never really got this whole breathing baby out but not pushing thing. I mean I get asking for no directed pushing (no one telling you when and how long to push, I think this must be what they mean!). But you can't _not_ push, your body does it involuntarily and it's supposed to. But I do think no directed pushing is really important. Assuming you've not had an epidural, your body will just do it.

I agree with this. I didn't have any of mine in the hospital so I didn't have any directed pushing. There was no way I could have stopped my body from pushing naturally though. It's what it's made to do.

Edited to add: I just thought of something... maybe "breathing baby out" means breathing while the body pushes naturally? Instead of *purple pushing*, holding your breath and pushing while counting to 10. I breathed through all of my pushes, but I was very definitely still pushing.


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## tinytabby

I wouldn't say that I breathed my baby out, but I waited till it was very clear to me that it was time to push and LO was out in about 3 contractions. 

I made it clear that I was very scared of pushing for too long and so the midwife said she would only tell me to push if she thought it was time. I trusted her so much, when the time came I knew she was right because she took all her cues from me.

It's a really good idea to put his you feel in your birth plan and then also have a conversation on the day about your wishes too.


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## solitaire89

I think you'll need to state very clearly up front that you are not going to accept managed pushing (or "purple pushing" as it's so aptly called). There are a lot of women and sadly medics too who believe that the baby just won't come out unless the woman actively pushes. The reality of it is that if you were in a coma, your body would push the baby out without any active input - this is the foetal ejection reflex. This isn't to say that the urge to push is wrong at all I hasten to add!!

As for me - I didn't "push" at all... my body pushed :shrug: I mean, I never had an urge to push like I was on the loo or any thing, but my body pushed which felt like being sick downwards (for want of a better explanation). Having said that, I had a home birth, and the midwives never once told me when/how to push. I'd also stated it in my birth plan that I didn't want any direction during pushing.


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## aimee-lou

I just hated it when giving birth to my first when people were counting at me! lol :haha: I was in a MLBU and still they felt the need to, but then again he took ages to descend and when he did his hand was up by his face so he needed to actually be pushed out otherwise he'd still be there now! lol :haha: 

My 2nd fell out of me. I only had to give one little push and even then it was the 'pant through it' style of pushes that never get shown on the tv lol. My body and gravity did all the work with him. He didn't have any complications though (no hands up by his face here lol) and his size meant he was coming out whether I pushed or not. 

Personally I would ask for no directed pushing too, unless baby wasn't progressing and you needed extra guidance for any reason. However, you cna hear your body much better than your MW so go by that and go with how your body wants the baby to come. :thumbup:


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## Kiss08

Thanks everyone for your responses. They've all been very helpful!! 

So non-directed pushing, it is! Hopefully I get some understanding nurses/doctors that will work with me on that. It makes sense to push (or not) as your body directs, not some other person. I definitely want to avoid the purple pushing!


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## tinytabby

Are you doing hypnobirthing or yoga? I felt these helped me stay very relaxed and in tune with my body.

Edited - reread your original post - hypnobirthing is great. You will know when your baby is coming!


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## Kiss08

tinytabby said:


> Are you doing hypnobirthing or yoga? I felt these helped me stay very relaxed and in tune with my body.
> 
> Edited - reread your original post - hypnobirthing is great. You will know when your baby is coming!

I do both! I'm excited about birth. Though I still have a few months...


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## tinytabby

Kiss08 said:


> tinytabby said:
> 
> 
> Are you doing hypnobirthing or yoga? I felt these helped me stay very relaxed and in tune with my body.
> 
> Edited - reread your original post - hypnobirthing is great. You will know when your baby is coming!
> 
> I do both! I'm excited about birth. Though I still have a few months...Click to expand...

I found labour and birth exciting.


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## Dtswife

I plan to not push during crowning and birth of the head - is that what they're talking about?

Will push as I feel the need prior to crowning. No directed pushing.


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## d_b

I did hypnobirthing as well. The nurses automatically started coaching me so I asked them to stop. I was still pushing, I couldn't help it! But i wasnt holding my breath during it.

This is the one part about hypnobirthing that I look back on and dont really understand how it is possible. For #1 my body just wanted that baby out and I think you should listen to your body. But I'll try again with #2 in a few months :)


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## Kiss08

Yeah, I don't really understand how it works. My understanding is that your body has a natural pushing mechanism so if you just stay relaxed and go with what feels right, the baby will naturally descend down the birth canal. I think the intent is that you don't push hard on command not that you don't naturally push with your body at all.


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## tinytabby

d_b said:


> I did hypnobirthing as well. The nurses automatically started coaching me so I asked them to stop. I was still pushing, I couldn't help it! But i wasnt holding my breath during it.
> 
> This is the one part about hypnobirthing that I look back on and dont really understand how it is possible. For #1 my body just wanted that baby out and I think you should listen to your body. But I'll try again with #2 in a few months :)

That's what I was trying to say. I was so relaxed it just kind of happened. A really short phase of pushing when the time came.


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## aimee-lou

I think it helps to think of having a baby in these sort of terms.

Your body spends 9 months growing this 'foreign body'. When the time comes the body will literally try to eject that foreign body. It contracts to open the door and to force the baby to go through it. It will then 'push' the baby out in order to re-gain the space to make further babies. 

A baby is highly unlikely to remain in-utero indefinitely, and the body is programmed to literally 'evict' the baby when the time is right. 

In most cases therefore intervention and counting incessantly shouldn't be necessary. The body will do what it wants to do, and it's the mother's job/honour to listen, and follow those instructions. 

I agree it's weird when your body just does it on it's own. I screamed at my hubby 'Oh my god, I'm pushing' as the transition from painful contractions to intense pressure was instant (Eddy fell through my pelvis so you can imagine it was like a lead weight was suddenly sat there lol) and I went from 7cm to crowning in a matter of minutes! It's a nice feeling though, as I find the 'pushing' stage to be very empowering after the hours of contractions which can sometimes feel like 'pain with no gain' in the words of my midwife lol.


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## misslissa

I'm hypnobirthing too and I have requested in my birth preferences that I will breathe baby down not push baby out. It just means that you breathe as the baby naturally descends, no forced pushing. Your body will naturally expel/push the baby down and you go with it. 

It's my first baby and it all sounds very logical to me, a baby will come out even if the mum is unconscious! 

Although I am nearly due and hating the thought of induction.


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## Lilllian

I never pushed ONCE with my first baby- not once- I told my midwives I wanted to breath the baby out (they were v supportive) and I DID! just breathed through the contractions and didn't need to push (breathed in the gas and air and felt myself open up)! not everyone is the same and i never had the urge to push as others mention. i could feel myself opening up with each contraction. With my second (8 weeks ago) I had to push ONCE at the end as the head went back in and midwife asked me to for this reason. it was a horrible feeling for me but i pushed and then he was born. if he hadn't gone back in i would not have pushed again and think the midwifes were a bit worried as I was at home. you don't need to push!!!!!! :) oh and no stitches both times!

ps. gross, but i practiced whenever i needed to poo- it's a similar thing!


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## misslissa

Lilllian said:


> I never pushed ONCE with my first baby- not once- I told my midwives I wanted to breath the baby out (they were v supportive) and I DID! just breathed through the contractions and didn't need to push (breathed in the gas and air and felt myself open up)! not everyone is the same and i never had the urge to push as others mention. i could feel myself opening up with each contraction. With my second (8 weeks ago) I had to push ONCE at the end as the head went back in and midwife asked me to for this reason. it was a horrible feeling for me but i pushed and then he was born. if he hadn't gone back in i would not have pushed again and think the midwifes were a bit worried as I was at home. you don't need to push!!!!!! :) oh and no stitches both times!
> 
> ps. gross, but i practiced whenever i needed to poo- it's a similar thing!

Great stories, I'm practicing the birth / J breaths too. Hope it all goes smoothly. I've been getting a bit anxious as I'm due in a few days and reality is kicking in. Anxiety is not good for hypnobirthing so I need to get back in my hypno mindset!


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## Larkspur

d_b said:


> This is the one part about hypnobirthing that I look back on and dont really understand how it is possible. For #1 my body just wanted that baby out and I think you should listen to your body. But I'll try again with #2 in a few months :)

Yeah... when I got to the pushing part, I was like "Breathe the baby out, WTF?!?!" That baby was NOT coming out without some serious effort!

Pushing was actually the most enjoyable part of labour for me. It was a relief!


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## Jenegade

I didn't quite get that idea my first time either, my body was pushing and there's nothing I could do about it, I just breathed through the contractions. He was out very quickly, with no pain relief. I just wanted to add that I included a bit in my birth plan saying that I didn't want any directed pushing, I would do what I naturally felt like at the time. The midwives were great and never once told me to push. :) x


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## BubsMom17

I personally think, at least here in the US, that the whole practice of counting while pushing comes from the vast number of women who receive epidurals and can't feel what is going on down there. I know many women do get epidurals and don't have a problem, but many women say they had a hard time pushing because they had no feeling down there.

I had a natural labor, and in my experience, once the pressure of having to push kicks in, there is really no stopping it... they kept telling me NOT to push cuz I wasn't dialted enough, but it happened very soon after that. My body was ejecting him and I couldn't help it. They finally told me it was OK to push, but no counting or anything. They just let me direct myself when it came to that, and he was born in 3 contractions. Pushing was the LEAST difficult part of labor for me. Even with a labial tear, it was nothing compared to transitioning from 7-10 cms.


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## Kiss08

BubsMom17 said:


> I personally think, at least here in the US, that the whole practice of counting while pushing comes from the vast number of women who receive epidurals and can't feel what is going on down there. I know many women do get epidurals and don't have a problem, but many women say they had a hard time pushing because they had no feeling down there.
> 
> I had a natural labor, and in my experience, once the pressure of having to push kicks in, there is really no stopping it... they kept telling me NOT to push cuz I wasn't dialted enough, but it happened very soon after that. My body was ejecting him and I couldn't help it. They finally told me it was OK to push, but no counting or anything. They just let me direct myself when it came to that, and he was born in 3 contractions. Pushing was the LEAST difficult part of labor for me. Even with a labial tear, it was nothing compared to transitioning from 7-10 cms.

Yeah, I've heard awful things about the transition stage. Definitely the part of labor I'm most scared of..


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## BubsMom17

Kiss08 said:


> Yeah, I've heard awful things about the transition stage. Definitely the part of labor I'm most scared of..

It is what it is! Everyone is different. Once my body hit transition, it was very fast! I went from 7-10 cms in an hour. It was super intense, but I just kept hearing my mom tell me to let my body keep doing it's job and soon it would be over. I just let my body do what it did. I just relinquished control. It hurt like nothing else! But, it was soooo worth it, and I 100% plan on doing it again with #2.


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## wmom

It was my plan to do hypnobirthing but turned out the only breathing technique I actually found very useful was the surge breathing. Right from the get go the nurse knew from my birthplan that i wanted to do hypnobirthing so she just waited patiently beside me (no pressure). I was breathing the baby down for what seemed like a long time but I made little progress so finally i turned to the nurse and said to her: tell me how to push (I just wanted the baby out at that point). Pushing felt so right after. It was self directed pushing so i pushed everytime i felt a surge come on and in no time my baby was out :). I'm thankful that no stitching was required.


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## SarahBear

Kiss08 said:


> I'm doing hypnobirthing techniques to have my baby and one of the big things with hypnobirthing is breathing your baby out, not pushing/forcing it out.
> 
> I'm having my baby in a hospital in the US. All they ever talk about is pushing. How have people found medical professional react to not pushing? I feel like I'll get pressured.. I'm sure it's different at every hospital and with different staff there but I'm just trying to get a general idea of others' experiences.

All I can say is, don't go into the birthing experience with a particular expectation. In the end, the best thing to do is to follow your instincts. Also, some babies will come without active pushing, but generally speaking, pushing is necessary. What you want to do is work with your body, though, not against it. For the first part of the pushing stage, my midwife had not arrived (home birth), but believe me, you DO push, even if not actively. Once she got there and checked things out and gave me the all clear, pushing was clearly what my body wanted and needed to do. Now, I could have decreased a little tearing if I had slowed down when I felt the tearing (didn't know it was tearing at the time), but there's no reason to NOT push. That's how the baby comes out!

Basic message of the post: Don't go into labor with expectations of how the baby is going to come out. Follow your instincts, even if it contradicts "hypnobirthing."


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## MrsSmartie

I think sometimes the Mongan method HypnoBirthing can be a bit confusing with not saying push and saying not to pusj as the body has a natural urge to bear down. Sometimes when women do end up pushing they feel that they haven't done it right, which is not true! It is just about following the body's natural urges but still breathing deeply and often. I definately pushed a lot! Nobody told me to and it wasn't directed but sometimes I did hold my breath a bit to do a long push, never longer than was comfortable though. Sometes my midwife did say to do 'one more if I could' just to move baby forward a bit as my 2nd stage was not quick but that was just encouraging, no direction. Whatever feels right is perfect. So exciting! I wish I was doing it again. The total rush of meeting your baby, I felt like I had taken ecstacy for the first two days! X


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## Smiler82

Lilllian said:


> ps. gross, but i practiced whenever i needed to poo- it's a similar thing!

Tee hee this is what I do :D I think it does help you to get your head around the idea because it helps you to see that if you just breathe through what your body is doing naturally, it will get on and do it with minimal input from you. 

If anyone is a musician then it helps to think of the birth breathing as circular breathing, so you're breathing all the way down, but never to the point where you're out of breath entirely, then you breath in again and start again. I think it's about going with the muscles - by this stage it'll be the top muscles of your uterus pushing down in order to get the baby out. I'm sure many people will feel the urge to actually push, but as long as you're doing it because it's what your body is telling you to do, rather than having someone stood next to you ordering you when and for how long then that's the main thing. The problem with the whole 'bearing down' thing is that when you push hard, you actually make the muscles in the birth canal contract, so the baby can't get through as quickly or easily. Which is the same when you're sat on the toilet haha :D


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## BunnyN

I have read a few birth stories from women who really did never get the urge to push but usually your body will take over anyway. I didnt want directed pushing but had a long labour (38hrs) and the midwife was worried because she knew it was a big baby and I had very irregular weak contractions and she thought I was getting exausted and was starting to talk about hospital (it was a home birth). I just went with it and followed her instructions and I didn't feel it spoiled the experience for me. Pushing took an hr. I think I would have been fine without direction but it probably would have taken longer. She found a good balance between telling me what to do and letting me do my thing. I was happy with how it went in the end.


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## babyface15

I did the mongan hypnobirthing course also and has planned on using birth breathing. But my baby was posterior and I defintely needed to push her out. In fact I was pushing for 6 hours lol! But I found the time to fly by and it was so manageable, pushing had no pain. I had a birth plan which stated no counting during contractions. So the Dr and nurse just let me push when I felt a contraction come and hold as long as I could. They did encourage me to keep going and let me know when I was pushing productively which as it turned out I really appreciated.

as for transition, I had nitrous oxide for this stage (im in Canada) & it was so useful. I actually recall transition as being enjoyable. I didn't think it was an option here as no one talked to me about it, but when I asked they said I could use it! gl!!!!


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## babyface15

oh and while I was high as a kite on the n.o. I started pushing automatically when the time came. some births will require pushing, others may be fine to just relax the baby out.


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## XJessicaX

Honestly, with my 2nd I didnt actually push! My body violently did it all for me! Only had a 2 minute second stage so there was NO way I could control it and breathe! The only way to describe it is like when you are being horribly sick, that out of control strain your body does to empty the stomach where your eyes feel blood shot and everything tenses up. Involuntary pushing is like that!


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## Kess

solitaire89 said:


> As for me - I didn't "push" at all... my body pushed :shrug: I mean, I never had an urge to push like I was on the loo or any thing, but my body pushed which felt like being sick downwards (for want of a better explanation). Having said that, I had a home birth, and the midwives never once told me when/how to push. I'd also stated it in my birth plan that I didn't want any direction during pushing.

This was what it was like for me. Exactly that "sick downwards" feeling, and I never consciously pushed prior to crowning.



Dtswife said:


> I plan to not push during crowning and birth of the head - is that what they're talking about?
> 
> Will push as I feel the need prior to crowning. No directed pushing.

Funnily enough, getting LO's head out was the only time I had to actively push! It was a bit of a tight fit.



Kiss08 said:


> Yeah, I've heard awful things about the transition stage. Definitely the part of labor I'm most scared of..

You may not feel transition, I didn't. I have spoken to several others who didn't feel it (all water births I think).


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## solitaire89

> You may not feel transition, I didn't. I have spoken to several others who didn't feel it (all water births I think).

my transition was a fantastic visualisation where I was my belly... If you read mybirth story it makes sense, just as the big swan wings do, but I can assure you I didn't hAve "transition" like they say :)


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## sarah1980

solitaire89 said:


> I think you'll need to state very clearly up front that you are not going to accept managed pushing (or "purple pushing" as it's so aptly called). There are a lot of women and sadly medics too who believe that the baby just won't come out unless the woman actively pushes. The reality of it is that if you were in a coma, your body would push the baby out without any active input - this is the foetal ejection reflex. This isn't to say that the urge to push is wrong at all I hasten to add!!
> 
> As for me - I didn't "push" at all... my body pushed :shrug: I mean, I never had an urge to push like I was on the loo or any thing, but my body pushed which felt like being sick downwards (for want of a better explanation). Having said that, I had a home birth, and the midwives never once told me when/how to push. I'd also stated it in my birth plan that I didn't want any direction during pushing.

Being sick downwards :haha: that just sums it up exactly! You just can't stop it.xx


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## Rebaby

Yep, it was just like "vomiting downwards" for me too! :lol:

First time I had a hospital birth with epidural (although it had mostly worn off by that point) and had "coached" pushing with lots of people yelling at me what to do and when, I hated it, it didn't feel right and I got really frustrated.

Second time, home birth with no drugs, and I had a one minute second stage, which was basically the time from me saying to everyone "the baby is coming" and the student midwife saying "ok, try to just blow this contraction away" so I blew and there he was, on the sofa. My body did it all without any effort from me whatsoever. Totally different and wonderful and for me made the difference between a 2nd degree tear with lots of stitches (first time) and a 1st degree tear needing no stitches (second time) and just generally a better experience all round! :thumbup:

I did specifically write on my birth plan for my second birth something like "NO COACHED/DIRECTED PUSHING UNLESS THERE IS A CLINICAL NEED (i.e. to get baby out faster)" because it was important to me to be able to push when and how I wanted, but in the event it was irrelevant anyway as he had his own ideas! :lol:


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## madasa

Sorry I haven't had chance to read all the replies yet, so sorry if this has already been posted!

During each surge, you'll focus on breathing through it, breathing out any tension in your muscles to let your uterus work as efficiently as possible. When the time comes to nudge baby down and out, the "breathing the baby out" is just an extension of this. You breathe down with pressure, just enough pressure to satisfy your pushing urge. You're still "pushing", and still doing it as and when your body needs, but you do it in such a way that you keep breathing and keep your body as relaxed and open as possible :)

You'll robably need someone with you who can be your advocate and make sure the people with you know what you need from them. Write a birth plan and make sure it's clear in there, too. It's worth having a look round the unit where you are planning to ave your baby and ask lots of questions. If you get the feeling they won't be supportive, trust your gut and shop around for a new provider.


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## ttc bubby no2

With my first I pushed him out as that I just what I thought you do. 2nd time was a home birth in water and I was assuming I would push but then when I got to the stage that I felt like I had to push my midwife told me to "just breathe him out", I thought that was a crazy idea but did what she said and the next minute he was out! 

The breathing out method was much better for me. DS1 was about 7.5lb but I had a 2nd degree tear compared to no tearing with the bigger (9lb) baby.


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