# update on the woman who puts stuff on Marley's grave....



## Rachel.P

A while ago i posted asking if it was weird that an elderly woman i speak to at the cemetery puts things on my baby's grave.

well, recently, i had the time to talk to her about it.

I asked her, Politely of course, why she felt the need to contribute to her grave, because, as someone said on my last post, you wouldn't put a rattle in a pram without asking permission.
She apologised for it, which i told her she need not do, i simply wanted a reason why. She then went on to explain.

This woman is 69 years old. 
She has visited the cemetery for the last 40 something years with a bunch of flowers for a grave. Yet she knows of no one buried there.
She lost a baby when she was in her 20's, at 34 weeks. Her baby wasn't treated as a lost family member, and was taken away from her in the hospital.
she received a death certificate and a card stating a burial, but never knew where or when her baby was buried. She never saw her child after she was taken away. All she knew is that they most likely fit the coffin in with an adult when they were buried, or buried with several other babies in a mass grave. 
She goes around every week putting flowers on a grave "just in case her baby is there". 
She told me that when she saw me visiting every week to go to my gran's grave, she felt a longing for what i had. I started showing very early, so for at least 6 weeks she had noted my bump. I don't know if it made her feel happy or sad...
She said that when I lost Marley, and buried her, she felt a need to watch over her when I wasn't there. She lives across the road from the cemetery, and says she keeps an eye out during the day, to make sure Marley's windmills are still turning, and her teddies are sitting up straight.
At first i thought this was a bit strange. But now I find it quite comforting. As long as this lady is around, I will never go to my baby's grave to see it disturbed or messy, or to see teddies and flowers strewn by the wind.
I am touched by this woman's story. It sounds like something that should be in a film..
I feel for her, because she is far worse off than me.
I lost my baby, but I know exactly where she is. I closed the coffin, and I carried her to her grave. I know she is definitely where I placed her. But this woman has no idea where her baby is buried. Not even any proof that she *was* buried. She may never know where her baby is, or what has happened to her.


sorry for the long post. 
I just needed to get this out there..


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## pink_bow

Aww the poor lady, gow lovely though that she wants to watch over Marley xxx


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## Deli

Gosh, that was an emotional read.

Firstly, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling. Secondly - my grandma lost her first child on his 2nd birthday due to gastroenteritis (this was in the 1930's). At the time she was six months' pregnant with her second child. She was so distressed (naturally) by her son's death that she went in to premature labour and her baby was stillborn. The baby was taken away from her on delivery and she was never told what sex her baby was (my grandfather either didn't know or chose not to tell her). When my grandma died we found a letter from her GP urging her to "forget" about the baby she lost and also to move on from her first son's death as she was a young woman and could have more children! There was no funeral for her stillborn baby and her husband dealt with the death certificate. She went on to have three daughters but was a broken woman and found it hard to form a bond with her living children. 

Her story sends shivers down my spine and I thank God parents are treated more sensitively today.

Thinking of you.xx


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## LoraLoo

Gosh thats so sad :cry: but all to common back then. Babies born sleeping just werent recognised and usually buried in a mass, unmarked grave. Poor woman.
I'm glad she keeps an eye out for your little one and hope that it brings you some comfort, I think she sounds like a gem. Massive :hugs: xxxx


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## SassyLou

Gosh that's actually got me in tears, poor lady. 

I was the one who said about not putting a rattle in a babies pram, I was upset when someone left something on Archie's grave and it was another angel mummy who said about the rattle, I'm certain if I knew it was someone like the lady who visits Marley I'd feel a great deal of comfort from that. 

It really makes you think doesn't it.

xxx


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## Abblebubba

That is so sweet 
Gosh that poor lady 
Im so sorry for both of your losses 
So much looove 

:flow:​


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## lolababes

Aww that is such a sad story xxx

I am sorry for your loss (and sorry for lurking and posting randomly too) :hugs: :hugs:


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## jojo23

awe thanks so much for updating hun was wondering what had happened!!
so sad about her baby and to be honest after all this time i think its amazing that she still goes around to graves to do this what an inspirational woman! your gorgeous Marley will never be alone.... think of her as an angel watching over Marleys lovley garden

xxxxxxxxxxxx


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## Bartness

That is a sad story.

Im sorry for you loss. *hugs*


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## kiki04

Oh my goodness that is a very touching story! What a special lady she is to watch over your angel when you aren't there :cloud9: Bless her heart and all the goodness that comes from it :flower:


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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry: A guardian Angel watching over an Angel :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I think it is just amazing and so precious .
xoxoxoxoox :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## sweetcheeks78

That is so sad :cry: I'm so glad you can take comfort from each other :hugs:


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## kayleigh89

Awww hunni thats brought tears to my eyes :( didnt think i had any left xx

Much love ur way babes! xxx


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## LolaLou

Hi, I am just a lurker, but what an amazing story! Maybe she is an angel....you never know:angel:


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## Missy86

Such a sad story


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## evasmum

Bless that woman

I read the title and was interested, I am fiercely protective of Eva's grave and don't like people touching her things, but I think I would feel differently if I knew it was someone like this.

I think it's really sweet and I totally agree, it's lovely to know there is someone keeping a watch on her things.

Sending :hugs: to you


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## lindadonovan

That is such a sad story, but thanks for sharing it.


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## babyhopes2010

:cry: awwwww the poor lady sorry for both ur loss' xxx


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## lucy_x

:cry: Im so sorry for both of your losses.


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## xSamanthax

Oh gosh that is so sad, that poor women :cry:. So sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## v2007

Brought a lump to my throat. 

:hugs:

V XXX


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## cowboys angel

Sorry for your loss, and sorry for hers. That poor lady.:cry:


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## BlaireUK

Gosh, this post is heartbreaking :cry:. I'm so sorry for both your losses. Life is so unfair. :hugs:


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## Bluetomato

That poor lady, but how kind of her to keep an eye on Marleys grave for you. It may be possible for her to find her babys grave, although it is likely it will be a mass grave or baby may have been buried with an adult. But still, having an idea where baby is buried may be comforting to her.
Sending lots of love xxx


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## mommy43

what a sad but lovely story
unfortunatly that was the norm, my mum lost a baby 40 plus yrs ago n she didnt see him he was taken away & was buried, probably put in an adults coffin she has managed to find out which cemetry but not thhe exact grave all she knows it was someone who died the same week as her baby 
its so sad the way they treated parents & babys back then hope the lady can find some comfort helping u take care of lo n of course u can too knowing someone is always there:hugs:


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## babyno9

aw thats really sad for that lady :( What a touching story. x


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## kgriffin

I agree, i think this is a lovely yet heartbreaking story and she seems to have the best of intentions, it really pulls at your heart strings.


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## maybebaby3

what a sad story :cry: that poor poor woman. it is nice that you can find some solace in the thought that she is looking after your LO's grave. :hugs:


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## Khadijah-x

ooooooo thats sooooooo cute of her!!!
Im so sorry for your loss, it mist be comforting knowing, like you said, about the grave never being a mess x
My gran had a still born at 40 weeks and is convinced the doctor caused it :( :(
She had the baby, hospital said 'you can go now nothing here for you'. she had no death records, no card, no grave-burial details, nothing :(
Its so sad how some women are treated !!!! x


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## 20102001

That's so sad ... but so sweet and touching at the same time :hugs:



Rachel.P said:


> A while ago i posted asking if it was weird that an elderly woman i speak to at the cemetery puts things on my baby's grave.
> 
> well, recently, i had the time to talk to her about it.
> 
> I asked her, Politely of course, why she felt the need to contribute to her grave, because, as someone said on my last post, you wouldn't put a rattle in a pram without asking permission.
> She apologised for it, which i told her she need not do, i simply wanted a reason why. She then went on to explain.
> 
> This woman is 69 years old.
> She has visited the cemetery for the last 40 something years with a bunch of flowers for a grave. Yet she knows of no one buried there.
> She lost a baby when she was in her 20's, at 34 weeks. Her baby wasn't treated as a lost family member, and was taken away from her in the hospital.
> she received a death certificate and a card stating a burial, but never knew where or when her baby was buried. She never saw her child after she was taken away. All she knew is that they most likely fit the coffin in with an adult when they were buried, or buried with several other babies in a mass grave.
> She goes around every week putting flowers on a grave "just in case her baby is there".
> She told me that when she saw me visiting every week to go to my gran's grave, she felt a longing for what i had. I started showing very early, so for at least 6 weeks she had noted my bump. I don't know if it made her feel happy or sad...
> She said that when I lost Marley, and buried her, she felt a need to watch over her when I wasn't there. She lives across the road from the cemetery, and says she keeps an eye out during the day, to make sure Marley's windmills are still turning, and her teddies are sitting up straight.
> At first i thought this was a bit strange. But now I find it quite comforting. As long as this lady is around, I will never go to my baby's grave to see it disturbed or messy, or to see teddies and flowers strewn by the wind.
> I am touched by this woman's story. *It sounds like something that should be in a film.*.
> I feel for her, because she is far worse off than me.
> I lost my baby, but I know exactly where she is. I closed the coffin, and I carried her to her grave. I know she is definitely where I placed her. But this woman has no idea where her baby is buried. Not even any proof that she *was* buried. She may never know where her baby is, or what has happened to her.
> 
> 
> sorry for the long post.
> I just needed to get this out there..

You know what I can just imagine that actually ...


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## nalini878

i think it is a beautiful thing what this woman is doing. my heart goes out to the both of you xxx


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## djw47

I cried when I read that. I'm sorry for your loss and hers. I know somewhat of how she feels because when I lost my baby, we were given time to say goodbye at the hospital but no one encouraged us to look into a burial or anything. I didn't know about this forum for a while and didn't know it was normal to take many pictures and have a grave. So the hospital took over the remains of our baby. We have 2 pictures. We never knew it was ok for us to WANT more than that or that there could possibly any help to afford a funeral. My heart goes out to everyone who experiences a loss. It has been the most life changing event I have ever experienced and I will truly never be the same.


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## mdjoy

Thats so sweet. It was very touching.


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## Sovereign

That is so sad but so lovely that she looks after Marley for you when you're not there x


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## Becca2704

Dont really know what to say,feel strange after reading how tht.how sad but comforting xx


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## Vickieh1981

Am actually in tears now. Don't you just want to give her a big hug? x


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## jessicarachel

:hugs::cry:


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## Xlaura_BellaX

im in tears reading this :cry: so heratbreaking


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## Mon_n_john

Oh I just wept like a baby when I read that. That poor woman, how very sweet and thoughtful of her to care for your baby's grave like that. I think it helps her fill a little bit of the void she must be feeling. What a heartwarming story, she is a very special lady.


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## BabyBoyle

Oh that poor woman :( :(

That is a very touching, thoughtful story.. Marley is very lucky to have an extra special guardian angel too..

If i ever decide to let Madison go, i would be so comforted knowing someone was looking out for her xxx


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## secretbaby

Poor Woman - I agree with all the above comments - how sad for her and it must really help you to understand why she does this. 

A lady I know through church had her son in 1969 - he lived 5 hours - they whisked him away after delivery to another hospital - she only caught a glipse of his feet. Her husband came back and said that the baby had died - and that was it, he would not tell her if or where the baby was burried and would not speak of baby. She did get to name him and she called him Dale. They split up and she said it was a couple of years after she found the courage to try and find out (she said it wasn't like now when woman had so much freedom) the woman at the records office took her details but couldn't promise anything but to come back in a few weeks (before computers it was early 70's)... she said "I knew they had found him as the woman smiled at me when I walked in the office" and they had - she then knew where his grave was and it gives her such comfort to go and put flowers there. These poor women who were treated so badly on top of their loss, there are so many of them and sometimes no one to tell their story too. .. they weren't allowed to share it and now no one may ask. It is so heartbreaking for them and their families x


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## sweetthang24

it is so heartbreaking. I am in floods of tears, that was a very emotional read.

I can't believe she was treated like that, but i would think it is comforting to you to know that she will will be watching over him. 

I'm so sorry for your loss.:hugs:


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## emme

such an amazing story, what a wonderful woman xx


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## Mrs_X

im so sorry for your loss. the old ladies story had me in tears :(. marley has a gaurdian looking over her and it must be comforting for you (((hugs)))
my grandma lost her 1st baby in 1967, he cried at first but died 2 hours later. my grandad broke the news and then brushed it all under the carpet. my grandma wanted to talk about it but no one would listen. she concieved my mum within a month afterwards.
my grandma turned to alcohol to deal with her greif after my mum, then was prescribed serious antideppresants and got addicted to them. she then developed bullimia and other mental health issues.
she died in her mid fifties due multiple organ failure with alcohol abuse being the reason. her liver was twice its normal size.
when i lost my angels, it was dealt with sympathy and i got alot of support. it really upsets me that my grandma had to deal with all that pain to herself when i was supported :(


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## DueSeptember

*awww wonder if a Nurse took her Baby...Like them Lifetime Movies...That is cute that she watches over Marleys Grave*


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## Ohmy4

Thats really sweet of her to do. Really sad actually...she's got some depression, which is TOTALLY understandable. Quite horrible. My grandma lost a baby back in the 50s. My grandma went into labor on Christmas and no doctor was around. Apparently the doctor wanted to finish his christmas party so he got there late. My grandma's baby got stuck in the birth canal...shoulder distosia. The baby passed and everyone acted like it was nothing. Took the baby like it was nothing and my grandma never knew what happened to him....she thinks he was creamated...something she was against. To his very day she'll still cry at the fact that she doesnt know where he is...or what happened to him. That was all very common back in those days....makes me cry....I feel horrible for this lady...


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## helenb

that story is so sad but as has already been stated very true for those times.

i remember my great-grandmother sharing a story with me about the child she had born sleeping. when her son was born, he was wrapped in brown paper and placed on the back of the fire by the midwife. the only reason she knew that she had another son was because my great-grandmother became very upset (obviously) and demanded to know. i used to find this story very hard to believe and it wasn't until she passed away and i got older that my great-uncle told me all about it. my grandma never got over it. 

i often think that my great-grandmother is watching over me and although i miscarry quite early, i think she looks after me.

the eldery woman is a remarkable lady and has lived with her pain for so long x


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## Croc-O-Dile

:cry: That made me cry. What a remarkable woman.


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## NYcountrygirl

wow, what a touching story. It seems you actually have an angel on earth protecting your lil angel with wings. You can both be a support for eachother really, and you can both greive and tell stories. I'm so sorry for your loss. Perhaps this woman can help you through your greiving process, and you can help her with hers, as she prob never was alloud to grieve the death of her baby. I could never imagine not knowing where my baby was burried. What an empty feeling she must have.


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## tessica123

such a lovely thing for her to do 

so sorry for your loss and her 

xx


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