# What a f***ing NOB



## Laura--x

I hate Maisies dad so much i want to kill him!!! :growlmad:

Hes being such an arse. He tries to tell me what will happen with our daughter. He tries to tell me he will have her however many times a week, then his mum will also come and get her during the week when she feels like it.

are you fucking crazy?!

Now hes making up fucking excuses with his money. He has to give me £32 a week for her. Hes had trouble with his wages at work, been working for 4 weeks and hasnt got paid untill this week. They were meant to give him £800 odd but he only got £192. He owes her £150 but told me he wouldnt be able to pay that, so i told him to just give me this weeks money for her. Now hes saying he doesnt have to give her any money so he wont, he will buy her things when he wants. I told him he has too and he said no he doesnt because im on benefits so he wont. WTF!!!

Ok, the money he gives me goes out of my benefits but doesnt take them all away! Now hes refusing to give me any money for her. I told him i NEED money for her because i had to pay out loads for her modelling so now i have none, and hes refusing and now telling me he owed it all out so now has none left.

Hes not brought a single thing for his daughter since i was 8 weeks pregnant! Im so fucking angry with him hes being a right twat!

Hes coming to get her today and i swear i want to tell him where to go. He doesnt deserve to be a father to her, hes never ever been a proper dad with her and always been too fking interested in his ps3 or laptop. Shes better off not even knowing him but i know i cant do that.

URGH im so fucking angry !!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the rant.


----------



## FEDup1981

I wouldnt let him have her. Or send her witha huge list of things she needs, and tell him you want them when he brings her back. :grr:

:hugs: xx


----------



## Laura--x

Hes told me he hasnt got a penny! Its a loadof bullshit i know. I swear im so angry im shaking and want to hit him !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant stop him from seeing her all together can i?? hes a waste of fking space!


----------



## FEDup1981

I would. If he cant pay for her then sod him. Tell him to either pay up or take u to court for access.


----------



## Kirstin

Tell him to pay or you'll go to the csa then go to the courts to arrange a proper access arrangements.


----------



## FierceAngel

Kirstin said:


> Tell him to pay or you'll go to the csa then go to the courts to arrange a proper access arrangements.

tht would be my stance too hun x

do you know what his mum has to say about it all? asking cos you mentioned before about him wanting her to have maisie too.. and cos his young and lives with mum.. like does she think iits ok for her son to jerk his responsibilities?


----------



## FierceAngel

too add hun..

you being on benefits has f all to with it! if anything he should be providing even more so! why should the tax payer pay out in full for maisie wen he is working? (pls dont see tht as a dig at you being on benefits thts not my intention! :) )

if you was working earning 30k a year he would still have an obligation to provide!


----------



## Laura--x

FierceAngel said:


> too add hun..
> 
> you being on benefits has f all to with it! if anything he should be providing even more so! why should the tax payer pay out in full for maisie wen he is working? (pls dont see tht as a dig at you being on benefits thts not my intention! :) )
> 
> if you was working earning 30k a year he would still have an obligation to provide!

Exactly !! Ive told him i will inform the social about the money anyway so he cant use that at all!

His family are ripping off benefits them selves so if anything i could do them in! so tempted.


----------



## Rach276

Agree with all of the above. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Laura--x

Hes took her now, he normally has her till 5 and i told him to bring her back no later than 4.

Ive also told him hes not seeing her at all untill he pays his money. He owes her £150. He told me he would buy her stuff then give me the rest, so i told him hes buying her a highchair and the cosey toes for her pram. That comes up to £90 then hes giving me £60.

He isnt seeing her untill i get BOTH money and highchair and cosey toes.


----------



## SweetNothings

Laura--x said:


> Hes took her now, he normally has her till 5 and i told him to bring her back no later than 4.
> 
> Ive also told him hes not seeing her at all untill he pays his money. He owes her £150. He told me he would buy her stuff then give me the rest, so i told him hes buying her a highchair and the cosey toes for her pram. That comes up to £90 then hes giving me £60.
> 
> He isnt seeing her untill i get BOTH money and highchair and cosey toes.

There's no way to negotiate or compromise with people like him. You might have to go to court to get what you RIGHTFULLY deserve ...the court will stand in your favour whenever the mom has primary custody the father MUST pay or his wages can be garnished automatically and it goes to you automatically so that he cant get his hands on the money :) (at least in canada that is how it works)


----------



## babybaillie

Come to a compromise with him. Tell him u want £20 in cash a week, and the other £12 in nappies or sumthing. Then he cant say anything about u being on benefits.


----------



## Laura--x

Omg!

Hes just told me hes briinging her back at 5. I told him to bring her back at 4 so i want her home by 4, and hes now just told me he has a driving lesson at 3.30 for an hour.

WTF?!?!?! The one day he gets to spend a good time with his daughter and he has a driving lesson! I know he cant have them during the week with work but hes always had them on a snday before but has now said hes changed thme to saturday! WTF?!?!?

So now his mother is getting the pleasure of having her!


----------



## suzanne108

Someone else said a similar thing about their FOB not giving money and saying he would save it up in a bank account for the LO instead. 

Now this realllllly pisses me off! Because the child maintenance money is to feed, clothe and put a roof over your babies head. Not to buy treats etc. In my opinion if he wants to buy things for Maisie then he should give you the maintenance AND buy her stuff. I mean, fair enough if you need a highchair and other bits, well done for telling him! 

When/if I'm getting maintenance from FOB I'll be using it to put towards rent and bills and food shopping mainly. 

Argh it really annoys me!!!!! £32 a week is nothing compared to what you probably pay out. Sorry, it just really annoys me that FOBs say stupid things like this. 

Anyway, its half 4 so he should have her back by now? Did he buy the stuff you needed? 

xxx


----------



## suzanne108

Sorry, didn't read the whole thread!! Make sure he has her back by 5 otherwise I'd be seriously mad with him. 

And you should try going through the CSA for the money if he isn't paying xxx


----------



## Laura--x

When he brings her back im telling him hes not seeing her again untill i get her money!

When i told him i still needed money off him, and he could buy her stuff out of his own money he said ' oh ok ill just give it to you then!' 

A REAL father would want to spend their last pennys on their children surely?!?! Its not on!


----------



## suzanne108

I agree. 

£32 is really not that much for him if he has a full time job. So for him to give you that for bills etc then spend another £10-£20 on toys or treats....it wouldn't be too much to ask. BUT he'd have to do it outta the kindness of his heart...and a lot of the FOBs on here don't seem to have a heart!!!


----------



## Laura--x

No he doesnt!!

I would ask for more if i could but with what hes earning thats what the 'government' says he should pay weekly!


----------



## suzanne108

£32 is quite good really considering the governments guidelines! 

I think I'm only entitled to about £20-£25 a week according to the CSA calculator....shitty :nope:


----------



## purpledahlia

I would stick to your guns and dont let him see her.. ring CSA and let him take you to court for proper access... he will have to fork out a lot for that!!! he sounds like a Kn*b xx


----------



## FierceAngel

i agree stop access hun.. his mum will prob get involved then and make him give you the money...

tbh id be really pissed off if id let my daughter with someone and then they gave her to someone else! regardless of who it was id want to be asked first!

im fuming for you hun


----------



## kaylynn040485

:hugs:Laura.

What did he say when he came back? Kx


----------



## Laura--x

He bought her back but i made my aunty meet him because i would ofpunched him if i saw him :lol:

He told her that Maisies been crying all day with ehr teeth and apparently a tooths coming through...

We cant feel a tooth at all :/ 5 people have checked from mine and not one can feel it!


----------



## starbucks101

what did your auntie say about you stopping access to FOB? did you let him know you were serious after he'd dropped her off?


----------



## Laura--x

MY family have all advised me too just see how it goes. Ive told him hes not seeing her untill i get her money backpaid which is supposed to be tuesday. 

I dont know what to do. I want to stop his access, but my family have said aslong as he pays his money he should see her really?


----------



## starbucks101

the problem you have is that legally child support and access arent related... I he wants to see the bubba then he can with or without paying child support, thats how the courts in this country will see it. Although the chances of him taking you to court are minimal... However i would say with the fact i'm guessing your benefit is being reduced by £12 a week i would temp stop access to make him realise its not a game. get back onto the CSA and tell them hes not paying etc... let them send him a letter and it will probably put the willies up him! 

But if you make the threat you have to follow through or he will walk all over you xxx


----------



## Laura--x

I was just so angry today when he told me he was going on a driving lesson! He normally has them on sundays so i dont know why he had it today. I was so angry that his mum was left with her i just wanted her home with me! Then my parents said shes still maisies nan too and has a right to see her so i dunno???

I just feel like im being the selfish one. I want her all to myself. I dont want him having anything to do with her, but he is her dad afterall?

I dunno. What would you girls do? I dont want him to have her anymore than he does!


----------



## DizzyMoo

Tbh hun i'd tell him unless he pays he isn't seeing her, Ok a dad doesn't pay to see their child but sometimes when they take the piss like he obviously is then it has to be done. 
I would most certainly go through the csa, I'd never trust a bio ever full stop. 
If he refuses to give you the £32 then he has to buy £32 worth of what she needs NOT what he thinks she wants/needs & he also has to keep receipts to prove he's paid for them. So for now if he still isn't willing to pay for her tell him what you need ie .. what size nappies, which wipes etc. At least he is providing exactly what she needs. 

Tbh hun i think you need to tell him he is not having her until he pulls his socks up & provides for her, & if this means his mum can not see her then tough shit, she might actually have words with him then. Or if you can be mature about it ring her & invite her to see your lo at your house without him then she is still getting to see her & wont see you as a cowbag if you get me. Put your foot down! xx


----------



## Laura--x

Well now we've arranged that hes going to buy the highchair and cosey toes for the pram which adds up to £90 ( ive chose what ones shes having!) and ive told him he has to give me £60 on top of that, then carry on with £32 a week from then.

ive told him hes not seeing her untill ive recieved the stuff hes buying and the money. Is that fair?


----------



## DizzyMoo

Laura--x said:


> I was just so angry today when he told me he was going on a driving lesson! He normally has them on sundays so i dont know why he had it today. I was so angry that his mum was left with her i just wanted her home with me! Then my parents said shes still maisies nan too and has a right to see her so i dunno???
> 
> I just feel like im being the selfish one. I want her all to myself. I dont want him having anything to do with her, but he is her dad afterall?
> 
> I dunno. What would you girls do? I dont want him to have her anymore than he does!

Yes they are right she is still his nan but that doesn't mean he is allowed to pick her up & not tell you what's happening with her. What he should of done is picked her up & said " i have a driving lesson, would you mind my mum having her for that hour " .. You need to know where your daughter is & you assumed she was with him which she wasn't which is wrong.


----------



## DizzyMoo

Laura--x said:


> Well now we've arranged that hes going to buy the highchair and cosey toes for the pram which adds up to £90 ( ive chose what ones shes having!) and ive told him he has to give me £60 on top of that, then carry on with £32 a week from then.
> 
> ive told him hes not seeing her untill ive recieved the stuff hes buying and the money. Is that fair?

Yep i say that's ok , thing is if he's telling you he can't afford to pay you how can he afford to buy her the stuff? I'd be asking if he's just pulling your leg to try get away with not paying. Sneaky get .


----------



## Laura--x

Thats why i was so annoyed! He could of informed me when i told him i wanted her back at 4, not later text me saying he'll bring her back at 5 because he has a driving lesson!


----------



## Laura--x

The other thing that annoyed me was that he hadno money to giveher today, yet he had £20 for his driving lesson?!?!

Ok, hes been working for 5 weeks and hasnt been paid. But he works half day every saturday and gets £30, and she hasnt had a penny of that??

Gr!


----------



## helen1234

hun i'd stop all access till further notice. she's been crying all day for her mum and not her teeth thats what i'd tell him, you dictate what happens with her.

and if he's got money for a driving lesson then that should have gone in your pocket, he sounds just like my daughters dad a complete cock know it all DAVE :hissy: these men do my head in. you got to put your foot down show him who's boss or you'll never get his respect.

if he can't bring her back when you ask then she doesnt go at all, she's too young to be messed about with.

hope you get it sorted :hugs:


----------



## Bee26

I'd tell him to fuck right off!! Your the one who looks after your child on a day to day basis, I'd tell him he can fight you through the court if he wants access and you'll see what he's made of. What an idiot. Hope your ok. My FOB is a knob too so I know where your coming from x


----------



## kaylynn040485

Laura i think as long as he keeps to what you have agreed and gives u the money/highchair/cosytoes then he sould get to c maisie, like u have said he is still her dad! If i were u i would arrange a standing order with the bank or something so that its done and u dont need to ask him for the money and make it clear to him that when he takes maisie under no circumstances has she to be given to anyone else without your permission. Think as long as u make it all very clear (maybe even make up a written agreement) then the second he defaults on it u can go down the court/csa route! Think your being very mature about it all though! Kx


----------



## starbucks101

at the end of the day as hard as it is, he is her dad and he is entitled to see her and he is entitled to see her on a sliding scale of access going up and up and techincally he is entitled to have M, 50% of the time. However we all know this is not how it works. 

You also have to remember that you are using your daughter as a pawn in this. if he turned round to a solicitor and said that your stopping access untill he pays up even though he's not getting paid, you would start to find things going his way in court and that could potentially tarnish you throughout the case. 

Yes his mum is entitled to have her too, and she should be allowed to have her whilst he goes off for his driving lesson because thats is his and his families only time with her. If he chooses to waste it going off for an hour thats his choice... unfortunatly. 

Its hard as a mum because you've got that lioness insticnt to protect your young, but sometimes you might just end up hurting her yourself. 

I think what you've done this time is the right descision you've put your foot down and showed him that he needs to respect that your her main carer and you wont be messed around, but i wouldnt do it again after this time because it will start messing up the relationship between them and it wont be him thats messing it up if you get what i mean... 

Hope you get it all sorted soon hun xx


----------



## purpledahlia

I dont understand why his mum cant ring u up herself if she lives so close.. why cant she just come over one eve a week or whatever to see maisie in your house? with you! 

I do agree if thats his familys time to see her, if he wastes it then his problem... BUT he SHOULD of told you who /when / where, maisie was at all times of the visit.BEFOREHAND.


----------



## xxannxx

AArrgghh, i so hate men like this. It sounds exactly like my ex, for 1st year i had LO we had preivate arrangement like this, and like this, he usually never got paid on time, correct amount, and even put LO off til he paid for nights out, weekends away, etc. He then said he didn't trust that i was spending money on LO (he thinks that money i earn is enough to take care of LO and i was using his money for enjoying myself, lol) so opened a bank account where he says he put the money every month (i have never seen proof of this, and doubt that it exists). Only this year, my LO is now 3 i finally went to CSA and am having money deducted from his wages, however, he is now cutting hours, etc. 
I would say stick to your guns about this now hun, the longer you let him get away with it the further he'll push it. I think that if he doesn't give you the money Tuesday i would stop contact this weekend, now u've made the threat you have to follow it through, hopefully the shame of telling his family why he's missing contact will give him a shock, and make him realise that your serious.


----------



## purpledahlia

I think it will boil down to HOW you say this to him.. how you approach it. if your very fair and lighthearted about it and say it in a way that cant annoy him.. a really friendly happy way... ( i know its hard to imagine ) but he cant argue with it if anything he will feel bad.. but if you jump down his throught and say it really agressive then he will get defensive and aggressive aswell..


----------



## having#4

I don't know how this would work for you, but when my daughter was born her "father" and I had already split up. I didn't put him on the BC and we had a verbal agreement that he would pay me $200 a month and visit her every other weekend and Monday and Wednesday evenings. I never recieved a payment from him and he only showed up for one visit. I never called him to make sure he was coming over, I never asked him for the money, when he called a few months later to ask about her, I told him that he would get answers for that once I recieved the back pay and he started visiting. He has never come around since. I just don't have time to fight with people over things that they SHOULD be doing. I mean, him not showing up and paying sure put me in a tight spot, but didn't hurt my feelings, it gave me more time with my daughter, and the satisfaction of knowing what he was missing out on. I guess what I am trying to say is don't push it. Definatly make sure that he is paying her, or cut off his visits. Remember that you have control. YOU hold all the cards here, he doesn't really have anything to use against you and you can so easily turn that around on him. ex. he doesn't pay, he doesn't see her. It's that simple. Good Luck, he sounds like a jack a**


----------

