# Adoption?!?!? My head and my heart :-/



## Breakingpoint

Any advise?
I'm 21 about to start uni this year. Cut along story short I moved away for a yr to do a course and take a break from my long term partner, stupidly while away I fell pregnant by a male friend- on returning home me and ex got back together and decided to settle down and commit after 3 years, everything was amazing until I found out I was preg and it wasn't his. As u can imagine this ruined everything. I went for a termination twice but both times got bullied out of it by my friends and foster family. 
So here I am due in 2 weeks and seriously considering adoption :( my foster family and friends have all said they will disown me if I chose this but it's what I want. My ex and I have been getting on fantastic the past few months despite everything but only bc I've said I'm putting her up for adoption. 
I already have a young son that lives with his dad bc of pnd and I was young and foolish. I can't believe I'm here again (yes i was on contraception). 
I no a mother show love her child and I do, I just am not ready to give up my life and 2nd chance at getting life right...
Everyone keeps telling me adoption is so hard these days kids just go into careand I dont want that for her as I'm an ex care leaver...
Is this true?? Can I do a private adoption to avoid this?? If I give her up I want to know she's wanted, loved and has stability from a family that will keep her forever and as there own, not a lost number in the care system
:-/ please help.


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## Phantom710

I don't have any personal experience, but I am definitely not against adoption. DH and I plan on adopting at least 1 child into our family, because we feel so strongly about it. It really comes down to you, and the fob (does he know?). If you genuinely feel that this is what is best for baby, then do it. I have HEARD private adoptions are much nicer :) xx


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## fuffyburra

I also don't know the ins and outs of adoption, but just wanted to send big :hugs: 

Which country are you in? Obviously adoption laws are different depending on where you are, and it might help someone who has advice if they know :) 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x x x x


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## judge12

There are lots of nice families out there who want children.

Your friends and family should back off! you didn't abort so what is their problem? your the one bringing the baby up in the end so it's your choice.


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## kiki04

I think adoption is a wonderful gift to those that need it. I have always wanted to adopt a baby :cloud9: Its just soooo expensive now :( You sound really set on this and if you feel in your heart it is the best thing for EVERYONE involved, then you do what your heart tells you and chase those dreams. :hugs:


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## pinkneon

Hi, if you choose to place your baby for adoption she'll go to a tempoary foster family whilst a family is found. She won't be in and out of care, and will be placed very quickly. This is YOUR decision. For people to say they will disown you if you place your baby for adoption is totally wrong in my opinion. You need to do what is best for both of you. Please message me if you ever want to talk - I too am an ex care leaver, and SS badly let me down many times and now because of them my daughter is being placed for adoption. When I was pregnant I had seriously considered adoption too, so know how you are feeling. It might be worth ringing your local social services department and asking for details on adoption, so that you can make a fully informed choice. I am not much older than you myself, and know it's tough, but this really is your decision. Whatever you decide, no one on here will judge you, and I know that you will make the best decision for you and your baby. Big :hug:


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## Creativemall

Actually, you can choose your own family. I was privately adopted, still through an adoption agency, but my birth parents chose my adoptive family your child doesnt have to go to foster care at all really


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## Lovelock

Hello, my husband and I adopted one of our children through a private adoption, he was only in foster care for 2 weeks and then his mother choose us to adopt him. I know it was not an easy decision for her to make, but she needed to carry on with her life and a new baby didn't fit in the picture - it seems like you might be at the same place? I would highly suggest speaking with a counselor or someone who can give you a non-biased opinion. Obviously family members and friends will be overcome with emotions at the thought of adoption, but you are the only person who can make the right decision for your little one. Hope that helps!


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## CanadianMaple

I think you are very brave to be considering this, especially without the support of your family and friends. I think you know what you can handle and what you can't, and it probably wouldn't hurt to look into it all and see how you feel about it after talking to someone.

If you don't think you want to be a mother, I promise you that there are many wonderful homes where people will love and care for your child. DH and I are unable to have kids and while we aren't ready emotionally yet to adopt, I know others in our shoes would bend over backwards to make their newly adopted child live a happy life. But do what YOU want to do, not what others want for you.

I promise though, your baby will not hate you. She would likely be thankful that you took her interests to heart. You could even do an open adoption and still know her as she grows up.


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## Jac.

My husband was adopted and it was private. Since he was placed in foster care before they found his family, they still had to go through Children's Aid, but the families knew each other so it made it a lot easier. You can do private adoption and it cuts the cost a lot, as far as I'm aware...In Canada anyway.


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## nikkihennes

my twin sister gave her twin daughters up for adoption.. she picked a family before she delivered and they were at the delivery and stayed with her the week she was in there.. when she was discharged tha babies were transferred to a hospital closer to the adoptive family (they lived 5 hours away).. My nieces never went to a foster home


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## flashy09

Did you decide what you are doing? I know a fantastic couple looking to do a private adoption


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## pinkreality

I am struggling with the same decision as you and my heart really goes out to you because being in the same position, I know its sooo hard! I really hope you make whatever decision is best for you and your babys life. 

:(


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## keepinfaith

I am just starting the adoption process. I was basically told either sit and wait for what could be years or start putting my name out there and try to find a birth mother on my own. Then if i find somone who want to let us adopt their child my agency will help with everything needed. This is very scary for me. My husband and I (32 and 34) have been trying to conceive on our own for so long without any luck. I promise there are people like us looking to adopt. I am married to the most wonderful man, and we are just two very normal fairly successful people, with just the one thing we want most in life missing. hope your journey is going well


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