# How can my baby have been fine until 11 weeks??



## baileybubs

Hi everyone,

I thought I had been doing so well recently and its been nearly 2 months since I found out at my scan that I had mmc. But today I keep thinking over and over again how can my baby have got to 11 weeks and then died??? They all say once you see a heartbeat the chance of mc goes down to 5% now I never saw a heartbeat but she measured 11 weeks so if I'd had an early scan then we would have seen a heartbeat!!! I just don't get how she could have got to almost the end of the first trimester and then died, did I do something to cause it?? Was it because my body didnt provide enough nutrients?? Because if it was a chromosomal problem with my baby surely she wouldn't have managed to grow to 11 weeks???

Sorry for the rant but my head is just full of all these questions, probably because I am ttc again and petrified that it will happen again. I hate days like this that just come from nowhere and slap me in the face :cry:


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## MelM

I'm sorry for your loss, did you get any tests done to be able to answer any of those questions, when I had mine I had a d&c and when I got the results there was no apparent cause, so unfortunately there may be no answers to your questions. As for trying again I completely understand your hesitation but many women do go on to have successful pregnancies, I am now counting down to meet our first LO. I felt that time healed me so give yourself the time to grieve


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## baileybubs

No, unfortunately I passed my baby at home after taking misoprostol but I didn't see my baby pass so could not take it for tests.

I think I'm mainly just panicking because there's a chance I may be pg again (not sure yet) I just started really worrying that it was something about my body that cause my baby to die. I know they say stress can't cause a mc but at the time I was very stressed with work and working 50 plus hours a week as a care worker. It just made me sad all over again to think I could have prevented it xxxxxx


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## BunInTheBelly

I don't have anything substantial to say, just didn't want to read and run. :hugs: Your avvie nearly made me cry.


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## baileybubs

I saw it and thought it was perfect for how I feel.....and it reminds me not to lose hope coz I will get my baby someday, hopefully soon xxxxxx


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## cupcake

I think a lot of people feel guilt about there miscarriage as if there was something they could have done, but its not your fault , if you weren't taking drugs, drinking, or doing anything reckless, you can have absolutely zero guilt that you did something, and even in those cases the babies sometimes make it, it wasn't you, it was just something that didn't go right, I lost my pregnancy earlier than you so I cannot relate to how you feel, but I too never saw a heartbeat.


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## Kitsch

I don't think it was anything you did to cause it but I know how you're feeling. I miscarried 6 weeks ago, with that pregnancy my doctor told me that one glass of soda or one cup of coffee a day wouldn't affect the baby but this time around I've cut out all caffiene as I read that too much can double your chances of miscarriage. I don't know or don't want to think that that is what caused it last time but my way of thinking is that if I lose this one, I won't be able to think like that as I didn't have any this time. I guess we all just have to take this one step at a time.

By the way, was it your first pregnancy? I don't know if this will help you or not but it made me feel a bit better. (Apologies in advance if it does not console you the way it did for me.) Out of everyone I spoke to/know that has a child, only one did not have a miscarriage or abortion the first time they were pregnant. There is a theory that in a lot of women the first pregnancy is hard to complete because it's basically like a "trial run" for your body. Now I know that won't make you feel better about losing you little one, but it made me feel better thinking it was nothing I did and that hopefully next time, my body will be ready for my little bean. :thumbup:


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## Lynton81

I think we are going through the same thing at the mo, my retained tissue and long miscarriage has kept me distracted, but I know once I am at the point of actually ttc-ing I will freak out and get so worried about m/c again. This is your first few days of actually thinking about doing it again and it has probably hit you as you have been very distracted by all the nightmare procedures.

Kitsch makes a very good point, most people I know, including my mum, had first time m/c's and lots of celebs recently seem to aswell. I don't know the stats, but it does seem like lots of people have a m/c first. Only 1% have recurrent miscarriages, and 30% have 1 m/c, so we might be lucky. xxx


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## NT123

i had my mmc 8 weeks ago and also lost later on in the 1st trimester at 10 weeks. I had an erpc but no tests are done until your third pregnancy in the UK so i dont know what went wrong but i wish i did. I hope to god this never happens again, waiting for my AF and hoping and praying that as it was my first pregnancy that my body was just having a trial run but i know that im not special and recurrent problems would be no less a heartbreak for someone else than for me. On one hand i want to be positive whilst on the other i have to not get my hopes up. Its so hard to be caught in this wierd limbo between hope and devastation.


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## lisa9999

hi hon
I'm so sorry for your losses.
A v similar thing happened to my sis-
pg 1 - mc at 5 wks
pg 2 - mc at 11 wks
pg 3 - mc at 11 wks

pg 4 - due on Friday!

Bit of background-
She had a d&c after her first loss. Had an early scan with pg 2, all fine, then her 12 wk scan showed the baby had died a wk previously. :(
She has an good gp who's daughter had some losses, so she was able to get some tests done after 2, rather than the normal 3. Some of her test results got lost, and she got pg again, and she didnt know until she had loss no 3 at 11 wks again that she was rhesus neg.
Shes been told its nothing to do with it, but im not convinced. She had the jab after her 3rd mc and she has now carried a bubba to full term. 
She has also been on pessaries for extra hormomes, and steroids, whichever it is its done the trick.
Hope this helps you somehow, I hope things work out for you xx
xx


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## Donna210369

I'm so sorry for your loss and completely understand about the blame issue. I blamed myself so badly for my 3rd loss for so many different reasons. I'd got so dehydrated due to severe morning sickness, couldn't take my aspirin due to severe morning sickness, had a hot bath, wished my sickness away. The guilt I felt about all those things was too much to bare.

My baby was tested, we lost her at 11 wks and she was found to have a chromosomal problem, Edwards Syndrome or Trisomy 18 is the other name for it. Some babies do have chromosomal issues and can live for many years, and lots like my little girl India, dont make it. 

So please dont assume you did anything wrong; it is so highly unlikely it was anything you did. Unfortunately some babies just die :( I know if i'm ever lucky enough to get pg again i'll be a nervous wreck, but I think for us ladies who have gone through this, being a wreck is normal. big hugs to you xx


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## baileybubs

Thank you so much to all of you for your wonderful replies.....they have really made me feel better and I know I am not to blame, I am just so scared and hurt right now. I definitely think that having the complications with the mc actually took my mind off the emotional pain and now it's all over it's hitting home and making me so apprehensive about ttc.
I have heard the theory about first pg and yes it was my first. It does make sense but I keep feeling betrayed by my body where other women haven't had to deal with this and did loads of things they shouldn't have during pregnancy. 

Today I had another bad moment, I work with a girl who has had 4 mc, the last one same time as mine. We have another workmates who is 8 months. The friend who has had 4 mc was hungover and the pg lady said she was jealous of us coz we can drink and she can't!!! She's jealous coz she can't have alcohol for a few months, where here we are having to coo over her scan photos and ask how she's feeling and of she's excited etc, knowing we should still be pg too!!! It was such a slap in the face :cry:


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## ginny83

I recently went through a similar experience. 

I had ultrasounds at 7 and 9 weeks and the baby looked great - nice and strong heartbeat. Then at my 12 week ultrasound we were told that the baby no longer had a heart beat and had stopped growing a few days earlier. I had no bleeding or cramping, so was very shocked.

We're getting testing done to see if they can find out why. However, there is a part of me that doesn't want to know. I think it was just not meant to be.

This was my second pregnancy. My first pregnancy went smoothly and I have a beautiful 15 month old boy from it. So obviously I'm capable of having a full term pregnancy, but just not this time.


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## Leinzlove

I know how you feel. After I MC 2 months ago, I ran everything through my mind. What did I do in those weeks? I even got rediculous thinking maybe I drank to much milk. I wanted an explanation, even though there just wasn't one.

I don't know, but I'm sure that chromosonal problems can occur later. Or a piece of the egg or sperm were lost. But, your pregnancy didn't need the information until week 10 and didn't have it so MC occured. And some children with chromosonal problems end up being born full term. Life is a miracle. 

I'm sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## ginny83

That's what I think of too to stay positive.

Some babies are born with chromosonal problems that allow them to reach full term but then die shortly after, or have serious health issues that they can never recover from. I think experiencing that type of heartache would be so much worse than the grief I've gone through with the miscarriage. 

While I would love any baby that I had even if they had a health condition, I'm grateful that my body is trying to help provide me with a healthy baby also.


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## Leinzlove

It's so hard to stay positive. I have a DD born with birth defects. We've went through 4 major surgeries in her first year. But, she's going to be ok, and thats all that matters. And now I've had a MC.... 

I'm so scared of it all happening again. But, I do know if I don't try again. I'll never get my rainbow. And the thought of NEVER having another.. is terrible.


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## baileybubs

Thanks ladies, I think I was having a bad day and a freak out moment about if it happens again, and thats why I started questioning why it happened this time. I want to do everything I can to prevent it happening but I know that I couldn't have prevented it really. I'm just kicking myself for little things like having a cup of coffee and eating chocolate, and not taking it easy. But I know that I am doing everything I can this time to stop this paranoia if I mc again. I am taking pregnacare even though I have no idea if I am of yet, I am drinking decaff and even that not very often! I am having lie ins whenever I feel like it when I'm not at work, and I'm not working more than my contracted hours to avoid stress!!

I hope all you lovely ladies are doing ok and I send loads of hugs your way, I don't know what I would do without ladies on here, I'd be going insane!!! Baby dust to all of you xxxxxx


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## lovewithin

baileybubs get those thought out of your head! you couldn't have prevented it. some babies die at 5 weeks, some at 11, some at 24, some are born still, and we will never know what went wrong. babies die just as everyone else dies, 25% of all of them ever conceived. and i am sure all those women couldn't have done anything.

don't blame your body or think you were too stressed so that caused a miscarriage. think of all those women who carry to term in the situations of total poverty, malnutrition, war, famine... when the baby decides to stay, it stays. 

my son wouldn't stay this time, and the post d&c analysis showed no apparent reason, so i still don't know why. my bf and i prefer thinking he realized it was not his time yet, but that he will come back to us soon.


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## baileybubs

I know lovewithin and sorry for being so daft, I just had a bad moment. I am surrounded by pg ladies at work literally! And all I keep thinking is why did this happen to me, I know there is no explanation but I like you thought that your son wasnt ready yet and he will come back to you when he is. I've just been feeling sorry for myself really, and sick of looking at other women's scan photos and listening to them complain about morning sickness and being tired and not being able to drink alcohol.

I'm feeling much more positive today though and I know that I am lucky to have such a wonderful oh, friends and family who have been amazing the last 2 months, and also the lovely ladies here on bnb xxxxxxx


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## Rainbowsend

I go with the thought that will my 3 Mc's - they were not 3 seperate bubs... they were just 'my' bubs... He/she sits there as a star in the sky just waiting for a suitable body to come back to me.... up to now the others were just not up to scratch,,, and one day there will be a perfect baby back to me from the stars... xxxx


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## baileybubs

Thanks rainbowsend, I love the way you think about it! I had never thought of it that way and I think thats an amazing way to think about your bubs xxxxx


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## Lynton81

That's lovely Rainbowsend. We will all get out rainbows and be cheering everytime we throw up with MS or reject a drink. We will also not rub others' noses in scan photos if we know they are having issues, and I will never put a fetus as my FB profile picture, each to their own, but each one makes me cry when I see it at the mo, so won't be doing that to someone in my position. 
You are ace ladies. xxx :hugs:


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## lovewithin

awww rainbowsend, this is exactly what my boyfriend said :) and yes, it changed my perspective too :) :) it's lovely to find other people who think it the same ;) :) love to all of ya ladies!


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## smokey

I think sometimes it may be a case of just not implanting strongly enough.
I lost my baby at just under 9 weeks but had heavy bleeding for 2 weeks before I passed my baby and had scans right up till I passed it that showed the baby had a good stronge heart beat and was growing brilliantly right up till the last moment but my body was clearly rejecting it.
In my case I think it just wasn't implanted enough to hold on


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## Mrs.Stockwell

I always thought that too. I had a D&C at the end of August 2011. The baby measured at 10 weeks. I was devastated because I thought it was something I did. The doctor ended up saying that I was Rh- so I ended up getting a couple shots of RhoGAM to try and help out but I haven't gotten pregnant since I don't actually know if it worked or not. I'll probably have to get another shot of RhoGAM if I do end up pregnant again.


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