# Scared ****less



## Bilberry

We had an early pregnancy scan yesterday. I am carrying twins. Neither of us has twins in the family! However, their size corresponds only to 5+ weeks, when I am sure I am 7+ weeks pregnant. Also, their heart beat is slower than expected, corresponding to that 5+ weeks. However, I did both ovulation tests and pregnancy tests, which both showed that I am 7+ weeks :cry:

I feel overwhelmed, sad, shocked, angry, disappointed, frustrated, you name it. All this after what we went through in the winter... We will have another scan next Thursday. I attach my text from another thread about our experience only couple of months ago.

_We wanted the screening. The NT scan showed the baby had 1/7 chance something being wrong. The blood test and scan combined showed 1/5 chance. My sister had a DS daughter, who lived only 3 months, so we opted for the CVS. They tried to do it twice without luck.

I have never been as stressed in my life. We then had to wait for the pregnancy to be past certain weeks and when I was 17 weeks pregnant, the amnio was done. The initial results were encouraging: no DS, no T13 or T18. Two weeks later we got the last results, which showed the baby has extremely rare T22. The median age of a T22 baby is 4 days. The doctor then scanned the baby and told the last bit of bad news: the baby's heart would give up in couple of weeks and he would not live a day. At that point I was 19 weeks pregnant. We opted for termination instead of waiting for those couple of weeks listening which kick is the last one.

The whole ordeal was horrible, but I would not change a decision we made. Couple of my friends say they think I knew something was wrong from the beginning. I cannot say.

I am now pregnant again, 7 weeks. We have already told we want the CVS done as soon as possible. Because of my age and because of one trisomy baby, we have 2% change for another trisomy (any trisomy) baby.

However, these decisions are deeply personal and no one should ever jugde anyone for whatever they decide to do. I hope you all have stressfree pregnancies. Mine will never be, not after the first one._


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## sweetcheeks78

Oh hon, I hope and pray for you that everything is ok. I was convinced by my ovulation test and subsequent BFP that when i had my first scan I as 12 + weeks, but by the measurements the sonographer took I was only just 11 weeks. My LO was fine, I guess the dates I figured out were just plain wrong. :hugs:


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## Mummytofour

So sorry about your loss hunni.:hugs:

Did your consultant say there was anything to worry about this time or the fact that its twins maybe accounts for the date discrepancy?

Just the fact that you have two HB's and presumably no bleeding etc, I would try and relax until your next scan. I know its easier said than done, but stressing out is not going to help.:hugs:

Good Luck and congratulations on your twin blessings.:hugs:


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## Ruth2307

Of course you're scared. I would be! 

Twins can be random or they are in your family and you just don't know about it but I can understand that you're shocked to hear the news.

Hang on to the fact that they found a heartbeat; yes, it's slow however that is the vital thing at this stage.

Take one day at a time and keep us posted.

We are all thinking of you. :hugs::hugs:


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## BeachComber

You are in my thoughts and prayers!! :hugs:


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## Wind

I don't blame you for being scared. Don't give up just yet. It's still early. I hope you get some reassurance at your next scan. :hugs:

You are in my thoughts and prayers!!


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## kosh

OMG, yes I remember your other post!! it's totally understandable you're scared! 
re. the dates - when i had my early scan (i've had an ectopic) the sonographer said i was 8 weeks, but that the accuracy of her machine was +/- 1 week! 
hope everything goes well and congrats on your twins!! :hugs:
let us know how your next scan goes


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## creatingpeace

Sending you positive vibes and hope and hugs! Take good care of you! It's early...you may see a significant difference at next week's scan. Take good care of you!


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## knitbit

It's possible to be off that much and have everything be fine. You could have ovulated on the outside range of the OPKs and fertilization could have been even later than that. Try to stay positive, since the cards have already been dealt and worrying won't help. 

Congratulations on twins. That they are both measuring the same seems like a really good thing. Good luck with the cvs and I hope for a normal karyotype for you.


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## wookie130

I guess I don't have anything constructive to say, except I do wish you, your OH, and your twins nothing but a safe and healthy pregnancy this time around.

And I am so very sorry for what you went through before...as hard as it is for us to grasp at times, there is a reason for everything. 
Good luck, and God bless.


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## Fallen Angel

Hey hon, congratulations on your pregnancy.

I don't have anything more constructive to say than what the others have already said though. Of course you're going to worry, be scared and full of emotionals, that's totally understandable, so don't be too harsh on yourself.

Try some distraction techniques maybe? 

Good luck for your scan next Thursday, I hope it brings nothing but good news and shows good progress and positivities to alleviate your worries xx


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## Bilberry

Thank you for your support.

The sonographer was very worried about their sizes and the rate of the heart beats. She didn't give us much hope, but also said that she has learned never to say never in her job. The heart beat correlated to their sizes, but as I had done an ovulation test and an early pregnancy test, there is not really a chance for them to have been conceived after the pregnancy test was showing positive.

Today I have had a lot of stomach cramps, but no bleeding. Then I realised that if I weren't pregnant my periods would have started now. I wonder if there is a connection. Generally I am very very sleepy and want to eat all the time! Also my stomach is getting huge thinking that I am only 2 months pregnant. There is no hiding it.

However, at the moment I am very mad at my sister, to whom I told about all this in confidence -or so I thought- and told her that I had only told to our father. Now suddenly the entire vast family seems to know about me being pregnant + the rest of the story and they say my sister had told them... I texted my sister as I live in another country to the rest of the family, but she hasn't answered/apologised. Families, eh.


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## Samantha675

It's common to cramp when you'd normally have your period. 

Fingers crossed for you!


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## Fallen Angel

Hey Bilberry, all the symptoms you're showing sound very positive so hope that's all a good sign, roll on Thursday though eh? For peace of mind if nothing else.

Cramping is very normal at the time you would have been due and I'd imagine with twins it's probably twice as bad and the growing pains and ligament stretching pains will possibly happen a little earlier too.

As for your sister, hey, don't you worry about that at the moment, you've got enough on your place, save her for when you have more energy and less worries ;)

Hope you're managing to rest and keep your stress to a minimum.

Thinking of you hunny x


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## Lyvid

:hugs: to you Bilberry! Hoping that the next scan comes out ok. FX'd

Keep eating, sounds like those babies are telling you they need to catch up!


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## suzielou3

Fx'dfor you all, heres hoping they have grown a lil for thursdays scan xx


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## Bilberry

Thank you for your replies and kind word.

We went to the scan yesterday. Unfortunately the sonographer could not find either heart beats. She seemed to think it was more usual to miscarry with twins than with a single pregnancy. One fetus hadn't grown at all and the other was 3.5 mm. 

Unless I miscarry naturally this weekend, surgery has been booked for Monday. They don't give pills in this town because they don't have beds, if something goes wrong.

As I also have a little crisis about my work/non-existent career, I won't be in a happy place after this. They also said, the fetuses won't be checked as they think this miscarriage is not related to the one in the winter. Our karyotypes were checked last winter and they are normal.

Before starting all over again, I think I will try to lose some weight. I feel I need something to blame for this, even if it is my own body. At least I have got pregnant really quickly both times, so hopefully that will happen again in the autumn.


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## no1seasider

:hugs: Aww hun i'm so sorry for your loss xxx


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## BeachComber

I am so very sorry to hear this. thinking and praying for you.:hugs:


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## Fallen Angel

Oh hunny, so very sorry for your loss.

Please do not go blaming yourself in any way shape or form, sometimes there is just no known reason for these things, which does make it harder to accept.

Having suffered a loss myself last year, I have found some comfort in thinking that my body just wasn't ready to look after our baby, or maybe there was something fundamentally wrong with our little angel and nature took it's own course.

You look after yourself hon and be kind to yourself. Remember we are all here whenever you need some comfort, a rant, or whatever.

Gentle hugs :hug: xx


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## Desperado167

So so sorry Hun,thinking and praying for u ,:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Storm1jet2

So sorry :(

:hugs:


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## Ruth2307

I am so very sorry for your loss. :hugs:

It's hard not to but but please do not blame yourself for this as it's highly unlikely that you were the cause. I can understand why you want to do it because it's a way of rationalising what's happened but I don't think it will do you any good in the long term.

Look after yourself and take all the time that you need to recover, rebuild and regroup physically and emotionally.

Lots love
xxxx


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## Bilberry

Thank you all.

Generally I would describe myself as a realistic type, emotional though. Perhaps I am trying to rationalise something that cannot be rationalised.

My sister (another one) suggested today that perhaps we should have a break trying for a baby after this miscarriage as we have gone through so much this year.

Perhaps we'll try again next autumn and have a little break over summer. The doctor said we could start trying again immediately. I have wanted to lose some weight for a while, although I don't know if this is the right reason to do it. At least at summer there are all the gorgeous berries etc healthy tasty things to eat.

About my feelings, both yesterday and today I have been irritated and bored. I cannot wait until Monday to be able to get over this and leave it behind. Then we'll have 3 babies on the other side :cry:


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## Jasiellover

So sorry for everything you've had to go through :hugs:


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## Mauser

Oh Bilberry, I'm so sorry for your losses! I was hoping so much that things would improve. :hug:


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## littletike

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Take care of yourself just now and take a couple of weeks until you make any decisions.


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## creatingpeace

So so so very sorry for the loss of your twins! Take good care of you and we will see you back here when you are ready! Hugs and Love!


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## Wind

I am so very sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## unnamed

so sorry for your losses :hugs:


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## Lyvid

I'm so very sorry for your loss :hugs:


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