# I'm loosing my baby boy at 16wks what are my options?



## wish2bmum

Just to start by saying my thoughts are with everyone reading this post who have been through or are going through a loss. As I'm sure we all felt, I never thought this would happen to me but here I am typing this, devastated and feeling very lost and hopeless.

My story in short is that I'm loosing my little boy at just over 16wks and have decided to end the pregnancy to avoid causing him anymore pain and suffering then what he has had in his short life so far. I'm meeting with a consultant hopefully this afternoon, may be tomorrow to start the process but am confused as to what/how the termination will happen. I've been told that I will be given a tablet and go back to hospital 2 days later to be given more tablets, internally which will start contractions and I will have to give birth to my boy. Reading on the NHS website about options it mentions another option of D&E, under general anesthetic but I haven't been told about this, can anyone advice me as to whether this is something I should be pushing for, I just want to go about this the safest way possible in order to protect my body and fertility.

Also can you advise me on what I will need to take with me, I'm hoping I won't need to stay overnight but as this may be the case, I'd like to be fully prepared?

I thank you all in advance for reading my post and for your replies. :flower:


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## lynz85

oh dear i am very sorry for your loss. What a brave and difficult decision to have to make. 

There is the option available of the d+e but I'm not sure if it is on the nhs. it is far safer to go through labour and this has much less risk of damage to your uterus and cervix and much less risk of infection. It is the safer option and in my opinion kinder to baby as the d+e is quite brutal but it really is up to you and your doctor what is right for you.


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## babesx3

:hugs: 
I wasn't offered any other option than to be put into labour.. i was 18 weeks... as i understand it they usually think labour and birth is best option after 14 weeks ...

massive hugs :hugs: u will prob be finding all this out now anyway..:hugs:


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## baileykenz

ohh hun
i am so sos..
i would agree with lynz85 
but do what u feel is best for u huxx


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## BabyBoyle

Hi sweetheart.


Firstly im so sorry for your loss.. its the worst feeling ever :(


I know with most women they do get induced as other ladies have said, its "natural" for the body to go through labour.

I personally had no choice, but would have opted for labour, as I got to hold and spend time with my little girl once she was here, experience labour and it made it more personal for me feeling "something" (yes, labour hurt me! - allergic to the pethadine!), when by baby unfortunately didnt make it i didnt feel right unless i went through that for her. (but thats my opinion.)

Do whatever you are comfortable and happy with, i wish you a calm, peaceful time which ever you choose, and hope you get time with your little boy..

Thinking about you all sweetheart. Many hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Also saw you werent sure about the labour -

I was given a tablet on the saturday morning at 10am which stops the pregnancy hormones being released, then 2 days later you are given pessaries which works by softening the cervix. its "uncomfortable" as its your body going into labour before it should be, and things being forced, but the actual birth is so peaceful and calm, no pain.. Just your tummy preparing to let you see your baby..

I was given first pessary at 11am, one at 2pm, 5pm, and the next was due at 8pm, but Madison arrived at 7:45pm. They give you 5 i think, then they rest you for 8 hours if nothing happens then they start again. 

(sorry if that sounds too straight or anything, but just so you know what to expect xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx)


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## cla

Iam so sorry Hun my thoughts are with you. 
I lost my baby at 17 weeks on the 28th of last year due to my waters breaking and I was given no options at all but to deliver my baby. 
My heart breaks for you xxxx


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## jojo23

so sorry you have to go through this! m thoughts are with you.. the ladies here are fantastic and im sure you have had loads of advice but heres my little input:

I went in on monday like you and had the first tablet this is to lower the pregnancy hormones in your body and prepare you for labour. i went back on wednesday and was admitted. i got the first round of tablets at 10 am i got them through my vagina. they constantly take blood pressure and everything to monitor you so dont be nervous your in safe hands. i got the second set of tablets at 2 pm and contractions started shortly after. dont be afraid to ask for pain relief they will give you as much as you need!!
my waters broke around 3 pm and i felt fine then as i had lots of pain relief. at 5.30 the midwife checked on me and said it was time. she brought me to the bathroom and i stood over the toilet and she placed a little bedpan under me. with one little push Lily came into the world.it wasnt painful at all and i felt fine after. i got cleaned up and back into bed and then they brought her into me. she was perfect i spent a little time with her and that was it. they discussed my burial options and everything with me and gave me lots of time to decide. I had a little blessing and we buried her 2 days later.

i brought 2 night dresses lots of underwear towels some pyjames just to be comfy dressing gown and slippers. loads of magazines!!! something to drink also.
the staff are fantastic and theyre dealing with this all the time dont be afraid to ask questions. maybe bring a blanket for your little one if you want and anything you would like to leave with him!

i hope everything goes ok for you and my thoughts are with you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx feel free to pm me anytime!


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## Peril

I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I went thru this almost exactly a year ago. My LO was 17 weeks. With my first 2 I had the D&C (D&E / ERPOC) as they were small enough to do so. After 13/14 weeks the baby is too large and they can not safely use this option. Unfortunately the best way is delivery. 

I had the medication on the Friday, and then had to go in at 8am on the Sunday. When i arrived on the Sunday I was given multiple pessery tablets vaginally. Mid afternoon my waters broke, and i delivered at 830pm. Again, i needed pain relief, the contractions were full on and not comfortable to experience. 

The staff were very supportive and helpful. I was asked if i wanted to see my LO etc. I chose not to, they kept my lower half shielded from me and i didn't see anything i may have found distressing. They did take photos for me and some feet and hand imprints, and they have placed them in my record incase at any point in the future i wish to view them. 

I really do feel for you. I pray all goes well for you xxx


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## cindersmcphee

I am so sorry hunny. You will not have an option of d&c as your little one is too big. I found out that my boy had died at 16 week scan. Had died between 14-15 weeks. At the stage my option was that needed to deliver him. Had the first tablet on the Wed and then went into the hospital to deliver him on the Friday morning.
Had the first tablet inserted at 11.15 and delivery was over by 14.10. I didnt need seperate tablet as my body reacted really quickly.
The most painfull part for me was for about an hour before waters burst, the actual delivery of baby and placenta was not painful. I had been a bit worried about going to loo and delivering there on my own as had read a few stories about that. What happened was midwife had come in to check me and insert tablet but said I would go to loo first. Stood up and felt straight away that baby was coming. So midwife came to loo with me and was all over in a couple mins. I was standing up and was a bit faint and midwife delivered him. I didnt see anything at this point only bit of blood on floor. Another midwife came in and helped me back to bed. One push and placenta followed. After that physically I felt fine. 
I left hospital about 2000 hrs, was just to moniter me and had decisions to make. You will need to make decisions with regards to if you wish post mortem / funeral etc. If you have anything at all that your worried about or wondering ask on here or P.M. me and I will get back to you.


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## wish2bmum

Thank you for sharing your stories with me and for the advcie you've all given. I would reply to each of you individually but at this moment I'm very numb and can't quite find the wrds, but I do appreciate everything and all your thoughts are very greatly received.

It all happend a little quickly yesturday, I assumed I would go to see the consultant and have to go back to take the first tablet another day but they offered it me there and then and I found myself sat with it in one hand and water in the other thinking this is it, this is all it takes to start the end of my babys life, something I'd wanted so much for so long. I'm finding this time inbetween really hard as I don't know if my baby is still alive, if his heart is still beating or whether he's suffering from this.

I've begun to pack my bag which I never thought would be so hard, I keeping thinking of the bag I should have been packing in 5 months time, not this one. I've put a little card in there which I hope to be able to find the words to write at some point tomorrow. I've knitted a few little bits too during the past 3 months but I'm not sure whether to keep these or let them go with him? Also have a few bits which my siter bought for us when she found out we were expecting and I don't know whether to hold on to these or to give them to charity? Although I might keep them for the hope of a future baby and for me to remember what I lost when/if a new arrival is to be someday!

I've read the leaflets they've given me about what will happen and its very scary but I know I have to go through whatever it takes, and the pain involved, its the least I can do for him. We've been thinking of naming him and have decided on Buddy, we wanted to give him a bit more of a light hearted name (if that makes sense!) as not something we were thinking of originally, but something to make us smile when we think of him.

Again a big thankyou and I'll post in the next few days. xx


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## hayley x

I am so sorry to read this :( Thinking of you and your baby boy :hugs: xxx


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## Blondie007

I am so sorry. I truly hope that everything goes as well as it possibly can do for you. Sending you lot of love and hugs.
Buddy is a great name xx


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## carly_mummy2b

I truly hope the next few days and weeks are as gentle as possible for you x x x


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## babesx3

:hugs: Buddy is a great upbeat name ...
The hospital gave me a sands memory box after i had charlie... if u don't get one , its a good idea to get one, to put some of the bits u had for buddy in..and somewhere to put photos, any cards u get and other bits and bobs....
It is very scary the bulid up to going in, i remeber being scared and i'd had 3 kids before, i think its scary as u don't know what to expect.. the reality won't be so bad... and spending some time with buddy will be precious ..:hugs: thinking of u XX


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## cindersmcphee

Buddy is a really lovely name.


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## tryin for #2

so sorry hun :hugs:


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## nattys

I am so sorry xx :hugs:


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## addie25

I am so so sorry. I lost my baby 2 days ago at 14 weeks and had a D&C done. Our story is we found out the baby had the most severe case of cystic fibrosis and that the quality of life would be very poor. We ended the pregnancy and are so upset. In the future we need to do IVF so we do not chance having another sick baby so the future is hopeful but still I can not believe this happened.
D&C at your stage is not painless. They only do them up to 20 weeks. I will tell you what they did to me not to scare you but 2 give you a heads up because no one told me what I would experience and it made it 100 times worse.
The day be4 the D&C (at our stage bc we are far along) they have to insert sticks into you. This was very painful they didn't give me medication to numb me or medication for the contractions after they did this. After the procedure I had contractions for hours till the next day when I had the D&C. The D&C is not bad they put you to sleep and you wake up feeling fine. When you are as far along as I was and you are you need to have that procedure the day before to make sure you open enough to get the baby out or it is not safe for you. If you were earlier and just had to do the D&C its not bad but I would never ever want to do that 1st stick procedure ever again.

My mother-in-law had to give birth to her child at 6 months bc she lost him and she said that was more emotional than physical pain. I would talk to your doctor and just see what is safest for you at 16 weeks. You need a great doctor to do a D&C properly at 16 weeks so I think if I were you I would go with the other option.

Again, I am so so sorry about this. I told you my story so that you have an idea of what to expect. I didn't know the first procedure was going to hurt like it did and I was so scared because of that as they were doing it so I just didn't want you to be scared and in pain like I was. Maybe if I was told be4 hand I would have prepared myself. Good luck and let me know what you decide.


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## lolly25

So sorry huni :hugs::hugs:


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## Lea8198

So sorry you have to go the through this. Big hugs (((HUGS)))


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## FEDup1981

So sorry for ur loss. Thinking of you, and Buddy is a lovely name. Perfect :hugs: xxx


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## allmuddledup

I'm so sorry for your loss. I personally think that going through labour and having the chance to say goodbye to your baby is better for you in the long run. I hope that things went as smoothly for you as possible. Buddy is a lovely name. He will be in good company with my little Gerri and all the angel babies that have gone before him.

Big :hug: to you. Be kind to yourself in the coming days. This may be the hardest thing you will ever go through. Xoxox


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## Andypanda6570

My heart is broken. I was suppose to get the D and E Yesterday. My Baby died in me on February 28 and they mad me sit her for 3 days with it inside of me , I went Thursday and got something done to open my cervix so i could do the D and E Friday, but I went into Labor in my home Thursday night and had my baby in the house and was rushed to the hospital. The baby most likely had Trisomy 18 :cry: The nurses told me what happened to me while traumatic was better than getting the procedure, I wont get into it either but I am mad as hell my doctor did not tell me what the procedure was and he said after inserting those things into me that I would have cramps NOT go into labor :cry: The nurses said what happened to me was rare but I should have been aware that it could happen, I still just found out what a D and E was just in the hospital and no I wont get into it either, I had no choice to do this procedure but my little angel would not wait and came out in my home. I held her and saw my children in her face, her face was beautiful. I will bury her this week in a cemetery that has a place called The Guardian Angels, where all the babies are buried.
I am beyond heartbroken and my heart aches for you , I am so so sorry.
I am mad as hell at what my doctor didn't tell me and for me I am glad my baby was born here at home, at the time I thought I was being punished for something but the nurses told me that I had an angel watching over me and this was a good thing it happened this way. I was out of the hospital in 4 hours and I am home now. You never get over this loss and my life will never be the same, never. I am 40 and they said cause the baby had the rare trisomy 18 there is a risk of it happening again so that combined with my age , I just don't know if I should try again.This pregnancy was a total accident but what a blessing. I have no words for your pain I am in the same pain now.
All My Love To You XOXOOXOX


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## Andypanda6570

I wanted to say there is a big difference between a D AND C and a D And E. I hope you know what a D and E is. cause I didn't. xoxox
but that was my only option a D and E, but she would not wait for that she came out on her own and I will be forever grateful for this.


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