# Pregnant after Neonatal Death



## shaunakiss

Hi Mammies,

I'm just wondering if there are many mammies on this particular forum who have lost their babies due to a neonatal death? I keep seeing miscarriage posts but none to suit my needs!

I just got my BFP today after our 1st month of TTC. I'm 5 weeks and 2 days so far (fingers crossed baby keeps thriving)..It's 4.5 years since we lost our darling baby boy to a mismanaged labour. I would love to get to talk to some of you who might understand some of the worries that I have.

I am really excited about this as we lost our first child and this will be our second. My OH isn't allowing himself or me to get excited just in case we have a miscarriage.. I'm really really excited though and can barely contain it... I'm just kind of hoping that Josh (Our angel) will protect his little brother/sister at this point. I'm in total shock... 9 hours since we found out...But soooooo shocked.. :wacko:


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## CastawayBride

shaunakiss said:


> Hi Mammies,
> 
> I'm just wondering if there are many mammies on this particular forum who have lost their babies due to a neonatal death? I keep seeing miscarriage posts but none to suit my needs!
> 
> I just got my BFP today after our 1st month of TTC. I'm 5 weeks and 2 days so far (fingers crossed baby keeps thriving)..It's 4.5 years since we lost our darling baby boy to a mismanaged labour. I would love to get to talk to some of you who might understand some of the worries that I have.
> 
> I am really excited about this as we lost our first child and this will be our second. My OH isn't allowing himself or me to get excited just in case we have a miscarriage.. I'm really really excited though and can barely contain it... I'm just kind of hoping that Josh (Our angel) will protect his little brother/sister at this point. I'm in total shock... 9 hours since we found out...But soooooo shocked.. :wacko:

Congrats on your pregnancy! Like you I am also very reserved and taking it one day at a time. We lost our son at 32 weeks due to a doctor mistake and I am finding it very difficult to get excited. I hope to soon feel my son/daughter kicking, but that will bring me even more anxiety! Sending you sticky baby dust!!


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## hmommy219

Ladies, first off, congrats on your rainbow babies!! I'm also pregnant after a loss at 13 weeks due to hematoma. I have to ask you both what you mean by 'doctor mistake' and 'mismanaged labor'?? Your posts have put the fear of god into me. :(. 

I hope we all have our happy ever after this time around!!


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## CastawayBride

hmommy219 said:


> Ladies, first off, congrats on your rainbow babies!! I'm also pregnant after a loss at 13 weeks due to hematoma. I have to ask you both what you mean by 'doctor mistake' and 'mismanaged labor'?? Your posts have put the fear of god into me. :(.
> 
> I hope we all have our happy ever after this time around!!

Congrats to you too hun!

Well in my case my son had a heart murmur (usually corrects itself by birth) that they were to be watching and I had a 2 vessel cord, so that meant the cord can be more of an issue as it does not have as much stretch as a normal cord. Well at about 29 weeks I noticed lack of movement asked to be seen at the hospital and the Dr had enough nerve to say to me, "Well you know babies sleep in utero right?" it was horrible, even my husband would defer, "well they are the doctors...." I insisted I be seen and we saw that the baby was OK, but, they never told me my son was wrapped in his cord (remember, most babies get out of it...)well three weeks later, the day after my baby shower again I insisted to be seen as I had not felt my son in over 24 hours. Th doctor fought me on this and they didn't even give me a transport to radiology, instead told me to walk there...Sadly he lost oxygen due to being caught in the cord and past that very day. I know have a new doctor, however, I still actively stay involved in our care....I learned the hard way!


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## hmommy219

Oh Castaway, what a heart breaking story. I'm so sorry you went through that.....:nope:

Well, I like to think our little angels are watching over their siblings now.:hugs:

For me personally, it was tough to get excited about this pregnancy until after I had passed the week that I lost the first baby. Once that milestone was reached I started to relax (but only a little) :wacko:

:hugs:


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## 2ndtimer

shaunakiss said:


> Hi Mammies,
> 
> I'm just wondering if there are many mammies on this particular forum who have lost their babies due to a neonatal death? I keep seeing miscarriage posts but none to suit my needs!
> 
> I just got my BFP today after our 1st month of TTC. I'm 5 weeks and 2 days so far (fingers crossed baby keeps thriving)..It's 4.5 years since we lost our darling baby boy to a mismanaged labour. I would love to get to talk to some of you who might understand some of the worries that I have.
> 
> I am really excited about this as we lost our first child and this will be our second. My OH isn't allowing himself or me to get excited just in case we have a miscarriage.. I'm really really excited though and can barely contain it... I'm just kind of hoping that Josh (Our angel) will protect his little brother/sister at this point. I'm in total shock... 9 hours since we found out...But soooooo shocked.. :wacko:

This is my 5th pregnancy after 4 boys, my 3rd baby died at 6weeks old from SIDS and although my 4th pregnancy ended up fine, I know how worrying it is. The fear will remain through out but it is ok to feel happy and excited and build hopes and dreams, i think u should establish a close relationship with your doctors to build your confidence to reduce stress, and remember the medical team will be extra careful with u if u ask them xxx


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## shaunakiss

In my case, I had a very healthy boy. The midwives and doctors administered a drug to speed up labour and failed to keep an eye on the CTG trace, which resulted in my boy becoming very stressed and caused a loss of oxygen to his organs. He was delivered by a C-section far too late and couldn't fight anymore when they tried to resuscitate him.. It was just too little to late for him. He fought really hard in the womb and even when he was delivered but he couldn't breathe at that point. :'(

I have great comfort in knowing that I will never go into labour again (C-sections from then on) but it doesn't stop me from fearing the worst.

Don't worry too much. Just trust your body and your instincts and make sure your voice is heard x


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## shaunakiss

2ndtimer said:


> This is my 5th pregnancy after 4 boys, my 3rd baby died at 6weeks old from SIDS and although my 4th pregnancy ended up fine, I know how worrying it is. The fear will remain through out but it is ok to feel happy and excited and build hopes and dreams, i think u should establish a close relationship with your doctors to build your confidence to reduce stress, and remember the medical team will be extra careful with u if u ask them xxx

I just want a doppler to wear constantly!! Is this normal or should I just take the next train to crazyville?


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## shaunakiss

CastawayBride said:


> Congrats on your pregnancy! Like you I am also very reserved and taking it one day at a time. We lost our son at 32 weeks due to a doctor mistake and I am finding it very difficult to get excited. I hope to soon feel my son/daughter kicking, but that will bring me even more anxiety! Sending you sticky baby dust!!

Thank you dear! I'm glad that there are some people who don't think I'm crazy! I really didn't expect to react this way.. I thought that 4.5 years would have saved my worries a bit..

It was messy though...They told us a LOT of lies..We were actually the subject of a TV programme in Ireland back in January of this year talking about the hospital's treatment of Joshua and ourselves.. Mental stuff.. :dust:


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## hmommy219

shaunakiss said:


> In my case, I had a very healthy boy. The midwives and doctors administered a drug to speed up labour and failed to keep an eye on the CTG trace, which resulted in my boy becoming very stressed and caused a loss of oxygen to his organs. He was delivered by a C-section far too late and couldn't fight anymore when they tried to resuscitate him.. It was just too little to late for him. He fought really hard in the womb and even when he was delivered but he couldn't breathe at that point. :'(
> 
> I have great comfort in knowing that I will never go into labour again (C-sections from then on) but it doesn't stop me from fearing the worst.
> 
> Don't worry too much. Just trust your body and your instincts and make sure your voice is heard x


My God, I'm so very sorry. Thank you for sharing your experience and sending prayers your way for a very easy and successful delivery this time round!! :hugs:


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## shaunakiss

hmommy219 said:


> My God, I'm so very sorry. Thank you for sharing your experience and sending prayers your way for a very easy and successful delivery this time round!! :hugs:

Thank you!! I feel so much better now just knowing that there are people on here who understand that just because I may make it past 18 weeks does not mean that I can feel safe xx :hugs:


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## CastawayBride

shaunakiss said:


> CastawayBride said:
> 
> 
> Congrats on your pregnancy! Like you I am also very reserved and taking it one day at a time. We lost our son at 32 weeks due to a doctor mistake and I am finding it very difficult to get excited. I hope to soon feel my son/daughter kicking, but that will bring me even more anxiety! Sending you sticky baby dust!!
> 
> Thank you dear! I'm glad that there are some people who don't think I'm crazy! I really didn't expect to react this way.. I thought that 4.5 years would have saved my worries a bit..
> 
> It was messy though...They told us a LOT of lies..We were actually the subject of a TV programme in Ireland back in January of this year talking about the hospital's treatment of Joshua and ourselves.. Mental stuff.. :dust:Click to expand...

Same here sadly, how sad is it when your own doctor lies to your face?:cry:

It is horrible to lose a baby let alone a healthy baby. I truly hope your rainbow baby is born happy and healthy!


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## 2ndtimer

shaunakiss said:


> 2ndtimer said:
> 
> 
> This is my 5th pregnancy after 4 boys, my 3rd baby died at 6weeks old from SIDS and although my 4th pregnancy ended up fine, I know how worrying it is. The fear will remain through out but it is ok to feel happy and excited and build hopes and dreams, i think u should establish a close relationship with your doctors to build your confidence to reduce stress, and remember the medical team will be extra careful with u if u ask them xxx
> 
> I just want a doppler to wear constantly!! Is this normal or should I just take the next train to crazyville?Click to expand...

I think all of us I. This section are on the crazy train platform Hun xxx


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## Katie1980

Hi ladies,

I'm not pregnant now but I had my rainbow 2 years ago after loosing my first son to a neonatal death, he was 15 hours old. He died from an undetected problem with his lungs. It will be 12 years this august and I also thought, as you did shaunakiss, that after so long I'd be able to deal with pregnancy and the worries better. I was actually as scared as I could possibly be although my husband (who wasn't my first LO's dad) was brilliant. The doctors were great though and helped me through, checking on baby every time I was worried. 

I had extra scans for reassurance throughout the 3rd trimester which did help a bit.

All I can say is that all your worries are totally normal, you've been through the greatest pain ever and it's okay to be scared and anxious. I would say this though try and enjoy your pregnancy, easy to say much harder to do I know, but out of it all I wish I had made more of it and now I have my rainbow here and healthy I regret that I didn't. 

Happy and healthy pregnancies to you all.

Xxxxx


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## shaunakiss

Thank you everyone for sharing.. I hope to try to enjoy this pregnancy, however, with my previous experience and the availability of Google, I find myself now regularly Googling every tug, gas cramp, and tiredness wave that I get... I am terrified to fall in love with this little one. I never realised just how traumatised I was until the past few days.. Like, to the point of searching symptoms for missed miscarriages and threatened miscarriages with NO symptoms of either..

I think I want this little Jelly Bean *too *much and somewhere within, I'm questioning my worthiness as a parent. It is unnatural to bury your child, I feel awful when I create any hopes and dreams for this little one as the ones I had made for his/her brother got taken away... :cry:

Sorry for rambling.. I can't really talk about this out loud.. My OH seems to be processing the same thoughts as me on the inside and the few people I have told are way too excited.. :nope:

What if I let my OH down or our families by losing our Rainbow baby too?

:cry:


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## shaunakiss

So... I went to my GP yesterday. All is well so far (fingers crossed!)

Confirmed that I am 6 weeks preggo and my BP etc is fine.. How is everyone else coping? x :hugs:


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## anxious mommy

Thank you for sharing your experience. My first loss was my 2 1/2 year old firstborn to pneumonia 6 years ago, and, following two miscarriages and one beautiful rainbow baby, I'm pregnant again and feeling the anxiety more than ever. I'll be somewhere between 5 and 7 weeks when I get my first scan in 10 days and am totally relying on the hope all you lovely ladies give with your positive stories. Thanks again.


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## Angelos mummy

Hello,
I've read your posts. I hope you are going ok? I have just gone through a very similar experience to you,a mismanaged labour which meant my baby boy angelo was born with braun damage that meant he never woke up from his coma. He was on life support for a week but after no signs of improvement we had to stop his treatment. 
Losing a baby is so hard, I'm finding accepting that Angelos death could have been prevented if I had had better care.
There is an investigation running at the moment it finishs mid March . We have also had a nightmare with that. It seems a cover up was intended but we have fought and fought to have it done properly.
Did you get your justice for your baby ? 
Your the first person I have came across who seems to be in the same boat as me.


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## nicksi27

shaunakiss said:


> Hi Mammies,
> 
> I'm just wondering if there are many mammies on this particular forum who have lost their babies due to a neonatal death? I keep seeing miscarriage posts but none to suit my needs!
> 
> I just got my BFP today after our 1st month of TTC. I'm 5 weeks and 2 days so far (fingers crossed baby keeps thriving)..It's 4.5 years since we lost our darling baby boy to a mismanaged labour. I would love to get to talk to some of you who might understand some of the worries that I have.
> 
> I am really excited about this as we lost our first child and this will be our second. My OH isn't allowing himself or me to get excited just in case we have a miscarriage.. I'm really really excited though and can barely contain it... I'm just kind of hoping that Josh (Our angel) will protect his little brother/sister at this point. I'm in total shock... 9 hours since we found out...But soooooo shocked.. :wacko:

Congratulations on your BFP :hugs: Im so sorry to hear about what happened to your first baby, my heart breaks for you. I lost my first little boy at 20+5, his heart stopped a few days earlier due to growth restriction caused by the plancenta not working properly for some reason :cry: My next pregnancy with Charlie was scary because i worried constantly. Im sure Josh will be watching over his little brother or sister and you will be fine. My advice is take each day at a time and dont feel scared to ask the consultant/midwives as many questions as you have. When i was pregnant with Jacob i always had a feeling that something was wrong but never said much because i felt i was just being a neurotic first time mother. Then with Charlie, every little query i had i made sure i got answers, it was the only way i got through it. wishing you a very healthy and happy pregnancy. :flower:


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