# My Story with Adoption



## nicholatmn

As some of you know (most who talk to me regularly), that my very first pregnancy was at 14 years of age. I wasn't sexually active, and it was with a previous boyfriend. How? Let's just say the guy did not know what "no" meant. Anyway, after that incident, I had gone to the hospital, and basically had my uterus scraped to make sure nothing implanted. I got my period every month after that. Nothing more to that, but the emotional healing. 
A couple of months later, I was laying in bed and felt slight movements. It felt like gas, only I wasn't passing any gas. It took a few weeks, but I finally managed to get an appointment with the doctors. Sure enough, there was a little baby in there. I was between 18 - 20 weeks. They weren't quite sure, but told me 20 just to be safe. Also, the sonographer told me it was a little girl (she had no idea of my story). Honestly, I wanted to keep her. She was my daughter. I knew what happened to create her, but the fact that after all of that, she still implanted and was depending on me to survive. 
Literally, without any exaggeration... I was the only one who wanted me to keep her. Everyone else told me to give her up for adoption. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I got so attached to her. I talked to her and always rubbed my belly. Everything I did, it seemed to rotate around her. I cherished every moment knowing that I could not keep her. 
We found an adoption agency who wasn't very keen on me giving her up for adoption since they could tell I wanted to keep her. So we had to find another agency. 
We finally found one and a month later, found this amazing couple who really wanted a baby. To be honest, I didn't want to give her to them. I still wanted to keep this baby, but I knew that the only way for her to have a great life was to give her up. So we agreed. Closed adoption. I could find out her first name, but not her last name. 
So the day came and I was ready to deliver the baby... most women would be so excited and ready for their baby. I was devestated. This would be the last time I ever got to be with this child. 
The labor came, and the labor went. The doctors took the baby away. I didn't get to look at her. I'm not sure quite what happened, but I agreed to not looking at her even though I wanted to. I figured it would make it much harder to give her up.
I found out her name. It was Hayleigh. It was the prettiest name I've ever heard and was so happy to have given life to a little girl named Hayleigh for this couple. 
6 years later, here I am. Expecting my first child, a little girl as well. Actually, it was the pregnancy with Hayleigh that helped me have the courage and strength to try for this one. I had suffered 3 MC's and my only motivation was that if I could have one healthy pregnancy, why not another?

Sorry if I didn't give enough information or if I left out details. This forum is kind of blank and I wasn't quite sure if I could post this here. Just know that I'm here for anyone who is seriously considering adoption. 

xx


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## lesleyann

hi, im wondering if there will every be a chance you will no more about her? like once she comes of age ect?

I no over here my cousion has been adopted out but once he turns 18 he is allowed to open this letter that his mum wrote that give some details of who we are but only enough that he could find us if he really wanted to.


p.s so brave hun it must of been heartbraking :hugs:


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## nicholatmn

lesleyann said:


> hi, im wondering if there will every be a chance you will no more about her? like once she comes of age ect?
> 
> I no over here my cousion has been adopted out but once he turns 18 he is allowed to open this letter that his mum wrote that give some details of who we are but only enough that he could find us if he really wanted to.
> 
> 
> p.s so brave hun it must of been heartbraking :hugs:

It's a closed adoption. The only way I will ever know any more about her is if she decides when she is 18 to come look for me. but there is no paperwork she can look at or anything to find out who I am. She has to dig through other means to find me. I almost feel like I have to send smoke signs or she'll never find me -- if she'll ever want to.


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## FlowerFairy

I think you should be immensely proud of yourself. A heartbreaking decision, but obviously the right one for you and Hayleigh :hugs: to you xxx


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## Hayley90

:hugs: you mentioned this in one of my threads but i didn't want to ask you just in case :blush:

I think you are immensely brave, and you gave such a wonderful gift to those people. Here's hoping one day your little girl will want to know about her mother & you get to finally see her. 

I want to adopt my future children, and people like you make me smile. Despite your situation you must have made them so happy. You're so so brave xxxxxx


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## pink_bow

That was a very brave and selfless thing you did :hugs:
Thank you for sharing your story xxx


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## nicholatmn

Hayley90 said:


> :hugs: you mentioned this in one of my threads but i didn't want to ask you just in case :blush:
> 
> I think you are immensely brave, and you gave such a wonderful gift to those people. Here's hoping one day your little girl will want to know about her mother & you get to finally see her.
> 
> I want to adopt my future children, and people like you make me smile. Despite your situation you must have made them so happy. You're so so brave xxxxxx

Yeah, I kind of pop it up in conversations when I bring up "my first pregnancy" and my status says I'm pregnant with #1. People get really confused. So I give a really short description so they don't think I'm :wacko:, you know? xx


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## mommy43

hi hun i think u did avery brave n selfless thing i am on the other side i was adopted completely different circumstances n i feel no bad feeling towards my birth mother i had a lovely family that chose me n brought me up well they were also foster parents n had many babies that went to childless couples once they were matched with new parents think about it this way someone who perhaps otherwise would never have had a child to love had the greatest gift anyone could of given them hugs to youxxxx


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## Hayley90

I know what you mean, then again you shouldn't have to answer people's questions...i was just nosy :blush: 

Once this LO is about 1 or 2, thats when i will look at getting me & OH on the adoption register...it can take years in the UK (we need a facts thread on here!) so i want to make sure its all done properly while we are still young. 

:flower:


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## Cariad_bach

Hun i dont know what to say but wanted to send hugs and say thanks for sharing .... i had been in a similar situation to the one that got you pregnant (IYKWIM) only my experience didn't end in a pregnancy, but there was a short period of time when i was thinking what if? what would i do?

I think your a very brave strong lady xxx


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## mandaa1220

You are extremely brave and your story made me cry. I can't imagine the way that you felt when you had to give her up, but think of what a wonderful life she is probably living. You're a truly courageous person and you should be proud. Now here you are, being blessed with a baby all for you. You deserve it, cherish every moment, and remember that you were the bravest 14 year old in the world.


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## Charlotteee

I had no idea sweetheart.

:hugs::hugs:

It must have been so hard xxx


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## camocutie2006

:hugs:


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## puppymom32

Wow Nic I never had heard this before. Your story made me cry. I'm so sorry that had to be so hard. DH and I have been thinking about adoption quite a lot lately. You are so brave and strong. Big Hugs.


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## jen1604

I think you're so brave for sharing and what a completely selfless thing you did. :hugs: xxx


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## pinkmummy

I agree with everyone else you are one brave amazing lady! I'm so sorry you had to give her away like that :( xxx


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## Samemka

Brought tears to my eyes reading this. You are so amazingly brave and selfless. I'm sure you will be a fantastic mother when your baby arrives.

Thanks for sharing :hugs: :hugs:


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## needausername

:hugs:


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## lily123

I cried reading this :hugs: It must have been heart-wrenching for you.
You are just so brave sweetie and you did an amazing thing.

God bless. :flower:
x x x


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## Zebra Stars

omg thats a amazing story it sorta made me cry,
i aint got a clue how hard it must of been:hugs:


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## leeanne

:hugs::hugs: Thank you for sharing your story.


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## Eoz

Aww hunny.There are ways to let her know you care I know it was closed but lot's of people went on to regret this and there are places you can write letters and leave details now.If she decides in time she wants to find you at least you have tried.

I am having a battle to find my real father.The details are out there i know but it's where to start.

I can't imagine how you feel some days.It must be hard but don't beat yourself up you did what you thought was for the best and i'm sure your new little girl will be extra loved and extra spoilt xxx


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## chefamy1122

Thank you for sharing your story:hugs:


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## rwhite

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you to give up your child :hugs: You are so brave.

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us :flower: I hope that one day Hayleigh will come looking for you and get to know her mum and her little sister (and whatever other siblings she may have in the future :kiss:) x


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## dizzyspells

Thank you for sharing your story hunni :hugs:x


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## Sweetie

I just cried for you. I can't imagine how hard it must have been :hugs:


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## Eternal

:hugs:


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## SugarKisses

:hugs: That must have been so hard for you. I know is different circumstances, but I can totally relate to having to give birth and being really devastated rather than excited :cry:

I know its hard, but you made a couple so very happy x x


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## Becyboo__x

Your such a strong person and like people have said you should be so proud of yourself! And congrats to the little one on the way bet your so excited!
xx


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## panther19

That must have been so hard for you, thanks for you story.


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## Staceysparkle

Your story made me cry reading it so I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you to go through. Your sound like an amazing, strong person :hug:


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## Rach28

Complete admiration for you, I know half of how your feeling as my first son was taken from me at birth and thats a deep raw kind of pain, I got him back to me after 3 weeks so I dont know how you have managed to live with those feelings,I knew I couldnt, I hope you have support from somewhere. 

Best of luck with your second baby, I think it may trigger lots of emotions for you relating to Hayleigh but I have a feeling that you are going to treasure every minute with your new little princess

:hugs::hugs:


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## Chris77

Aww hun such a brave and selfless thing to do. :hugs: Know and trust that your daughter is in very good hands. I hope the two of you get to reunite at some point. :hugs:


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## supriseBump_x

Your story made me sob :( 
You are such a brave person and u did a wonderful thing! Hopefully Hayleigh will get so see what an amazing woman her birth mummy is :) xxx :hugs:


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## QuintinsMommy

you are such a strong woman, even when you were at such a young age :hugs:


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## MiissMuffet

You are so very strong. i can't even begin to imagine the heartache. I almost had tears reading your story. You're such a brave person! :hugs: x


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## impatient1

You are such a strong woman :hugs:


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## ChristinaRN

If Hayleigh wants to find you she will.....closed adoption or not. Technology is so abundant these days that these things take a little time and research but can be done. I have heard of countless stories of people being reunited through FACEBOOK....of all places. My guess would be that if she wants to find you she'll probably start looking when she's married and wanting or has children of her own (this seems to be the common time). Until then, know that you did an awesome thing for her!!!!


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## CourtneyD

What a wonderful lady you are. I'm SO pleased to hear that all these years later you don't sound bitter and angry. What an awful situation, I'm so so sorry you weren't offerend a more open adoption! Perhaps you could contact the agency now and let them know you'd be interested to open things up a bit. They know exactly how to contact her adoptive family.

Congratulations to you and your upcoming birth! 
Sincerely,
Courtney 
hopeful adoptive parent


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## AriannasMama

:hugs: i had no idea. how brave of you, i could never do that.


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## SuperKat

You are so strong!! I can't imagine what that must've been like for you to go through that, I am so sorry about what happened...I went through something similar with a stranger, and remember having to discuss what we would do if I was pregnant (I ended up not getting pregnant from it). I remeber thinking the very same thing (that is I was, I wanted to keep it, even though I knew I would be allowed to in my house...). :hugs::hugs::hugs: 
Something beautiful came out of an ugly situation, you gave birth to a beautiful baby and helped a dream come true for another family! :hugs::hugs:

My niece is adopted and we are crazy about her, it is an open adoption, we are so very thankful to her mother for entrusting my brother and his wife to raise her.


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## Seraphim

:cry:

:hugs:


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## bek74

I found your story very sad :cry::cry: it was like you were forced to do this, you must think of her every day.
Your an amazing strong young women and you have given a couple the ultimate gift:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jbarefield74

That must have been very painful... especially in your concience. It hard to give your child up to another person... whew... i can't imagine myself doing that... I'm sorry for you.


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## Groovychick

Thank you for having the courage to share your story. It was heartbreaking to read, but at the same time inspiring and courageous. I am unsure as to whether or not she knows of her adoption, but I am sure she is loved and cared for regardless. :hugs:


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## xdxxtx

That must have taken a LOT of courage and you must have grown so much at just 14. I'm so thankful for anyone who has the courage to give a baby up for adoption. I have always wanted to adopt, and I hopefully will still get the chance to!


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## JASMAK

:hugs: That must have been very difficult. x


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## Adela Quested

You are so amazing. I feel so sad for 14-year-old you and what you went through. You must be a really strong person. :hugs:


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