# Our Sweet Angel



## LilFooshFoosh

We lost our little angel at 17 weeks 2 days gestation. He was doing really well and measured 18 weeks 3 days at birth.

We had been ttc#2 for 32 months, we had 2 CPs from 3 attempts at IVF and had started the adoption process when we got a surprise natural BFP just before Christmas, Dec. 21st. We were so happy and scared. I have stage 4 endo and my husband has some motility issues. We have a DS conceived naturally and born in 2010, but since my endo had gotten worse we were given a less than 4% chance to conceive on our own. This was our miracle baby.

I had some brown spotting from the beginning, had 7 weeks of pretty bad "morning" sickness, I could barely walk from the shifting my hips were doing and we were deliriously happy.

Baby was doing excellent. Every scan was perfect. 

We found out on Monday March 17th that we were having another little boy and set out to name him. On March 18th we decided he would be William Hans, we would call him Liam and his middle name is after my maternal grandfather whom I love dearly and who fought his cancer into remission for 10 years and is still going strong.

On Wednesday, March 19th everything started off normally. But just before heading out the door for work I went to the washroom and when I wiped I saw what I was certain was a large portion of my mucous plug. We went for an emergency scan at my doctor's office and everything still looked okay, cervix was still closed and measured 3.8 cms thick. Doctor said I was okay, to rest up and call if anything changed. 

Thursday was a good day. Things were looking up and I was feeling good again.

Friday, March 21st I woke up to quite a bit of pinkish discharge... too much. I went to lay down and felt some tightening in my belly. My husband tried to call my doctor but his office was closed. So he took me to emerg. Luckily my doctor was the OB/GYN on call at the hospital, so he pushed me through to U/S and we found my cervix was still closed but effaced to 2.2-2.7 cms. I was taken to put in an emergency cerclage. 

Saturday, March 22nd, I felt a lot better, still not quite right, but I wasn't getting anymore tightening. I was lying in bed on my right side talking to my husband, bottom half dressed, top half still in my hospital gown, when the nurse came in to remove my IV and give me my discharge papers. I let her take out my IV and had her give the paperwork to my husband. Then I rolled onto my back to remove my gown and put on the rest of my clothes. When I started to roll I felt a gush and knew in that instant it was all over. My water had broken. I called the nurse back and then spent the next 6 hours labouring to bring my tiny, perfect little Liam into the cruel world that wouldn't let me keep him. I was given morphine and don't remember the exact moment I stopped feeling my precious Liam's kicks and punches, which I believe was a small mercy. 

William Hans was born sleeping at 9:28 pm on March 22nd, 2014 weighing 96 gr (3.39 oz) and 20 cms (7.87 in). He was tiny and perfect. He looked so much like his big brother. We held him and sang to him. The chaplin came, blessed him and we said a prayer.

My heart aches for him.

Today I felt compelled to look up the meaning of the name we so carefully chose for our sweet boy just days before the angels came to take him home. William, a form of the German _Wilhelm_, meaning "determined guardian" or "willed protector".

Rest in peace my strong little man. Mummy and Daddy love and miss you more with each passing day.


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## george83

I'm so sorry for your loss, I wish there was something to say or do to take your pain away. Thinking of you and your precious little William x x x


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## nessaw

I am so very sorry. Sending love.xx


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## helloeveryone

So sorry to hear your sad news, xxx:hugs:


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## teal

So sorry :hugs: xx


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## SassyLou

I'm so sorry xxx


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## chistiana

R.I.P little Liam.
So sorry for your loss, he ll always be your guardian angel.


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## Jojono2

Sending big hugs, so sorry x


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## kerri28

I'm so sorry for your loss.. We lost our angel Hannah March 10th and I went through te same process.. The morphine.. The delivery... Holding her with DH and Chaplin and crying... I'm so very sorry... I know this pain too well right now....


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