# When did you tell people you were pregnant again?



## maggieme

Ok, so my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 11 weeks after telling everyone we were pregnant at 8 weeks. I received no support from friends or family and had tons of hurtful well meaning comments made. My second pregnancy we didn't tell people till I was around 16 weeks, but I think my husband told some people sooner. My third ended in another early miscarriage and we didn't tell anyone about it. My 4th we told people when I was 20 weeks, but again my husband had already told a few people when i wanted to keep it quiet. My 5th pregnancy ended in another miscarriage and I wanted no one to know about it, but my husband told people and recently had a horrific message sent to me about it from a supposed friend. Anyways, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant and neither one of us has told anyone and this time my husband says he will wait until whenever I am ready to share the news. I have my first ultrasound next week, but have been lucky enough to feel the baby kick and i hear the heartbeat everyday since I bought a Doppler. I am no where near ready to tell anyone about this pregnancy. I want to keep it all to myself for as long as I can because I don't want to share it with everyone especially since they have never supported me. Is this selfish of me? When did everyone else here share the news?


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## xSamanthax

I don't think it is selfish of you at all hun, when i was pregnant with Ellie i told everyone at 6 weeks, with my Angel i told everyone at 8 weeks, and with this one a few close friends know, my boss and my parents know about it and of course my OH. I'm not telling everyone else until i've had my 12 week scan and i know everything is ok. I wouldn't really tell anyone then if i wasn't so big with bloat and stuff, i already look about 6 months pregnant, i'm hiding it under a very very baggy top :haha: I haven't even told Ellie yet as she took the MC really hard and i don't want her to go through that again, i'll tell her before i tell anyone else.

You tell people when you are ready to and not before :hugs:


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## o2luvjesus

I just told everyone but I hope I made the right decision.


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## Rebaby

I don't think you're selfish at all :hugs: i think the only reason you might want to share your news with friends/family early on is if they were going to be supporting you, if people have been unsupportive or negative in the past then imho they don't deserve to know this time, let them find out when you turn up with a baby!

Seriously though, it's your decision and one you need to feel comfortable with, so just tell people as and when you feel ready to do.

It's so sad that people haven't been there for you through your experiences.

In my first pregnancy we didn't have chance to tell people as i mc'd at 5 weeks but we did then tell a few family members and very close friends about the mc as we needed their support.

With my 2nd pregnancy we started to tell SOME people at 6 weeks, my work had to know because of tricky situations i am sometimes put in, and close family members and friends were told early on. Other friends and family were told later at around 8 weeks (but by that point i'd had 2 early scans and things were looking good) and then finally i made an announcement on facebook at about 12 weeks.

With my 3rd pregnancy we told some close family and friends at around 6 weeks but i had a mmc and erpc at 9 weeks so my work then had to know because i needed time off. Most people don't know about that pregnancy at all.

This time we again told close family and friends fairly early on, but i held off telling work or other family and friends until later. In fact i didn't tell work until i was 12 weeks this time and even then it was only because it was starting to be obvious under my uniform. Then i made an announcement on fb when i was 13+2

I think it all depends on whether people are going to be supportive though. If you feel they're just going to be negative and unhelpful then i can see why you'd want to keep it to yourself for longer.

HTH :hugs:


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## fides

maggie, i'm so sorry for your losses, and i'm sorry that you had to deal with negative and hurtful comments. :hugs: it makes complete sense to me for you to want to keep things to yourself - it's completely up to you when feel like you are ready to let people in on the news. i don't think that's selfish at all.

With our first, we started telling people right away, around 6 weeks. This time, our parents knew and friends who had had a m/c knew (i knew i could turn to them for support), but we didn't tell everyone until just a few days ago b/c i wanted to make it past where we lost our first.

No need to spread the news before you are ready. :)


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## Eternal

yeah i think it depends on if your going to get support or not, most people were supportive with my loss although some hurtful things were said too. Not sure when we will say this time, a few people know now, my parents, OHs parents and a friend who is coming to stay on monday as i will have to go for a scan when he is here. 

I will probably hold off on announcing until im 15 weeks or so, but start telling people once im past my loss date 11/12 weeks


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## tali

When you tell people is up to you - it's when you personally feel ready to share the news. With our first we told family at 6 weeks then had to untell everyone a few weeks after which was just awful considering we really wouldn't have told anyone but circumstances forced our hand.

This time we waited until 12 weeks to tell family - my OH has told everyone else but I still haven't spread the news properly. My closest friends and the people I work with know but I'm personally waiting until I have my 20 week scan. So far other than an expanding chest my body has changed very little so I've been able to get away with it.

It's not selfish - I would quite happily tell everyone once I'd given birth but I can't hide it forever. It's your choice and noone elses - do what feels right for you. x


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## MochaMom

I definitely don't think you are being selfish. You've obviously been through a lot and it's your choice to share when you see fit. We are only 6 weeks and MC in the 8th week a year ago. I am going to also wait as long as possible. Unfortunately, I see many of my family and friends regularly and I usually start showing around 12 weeks so we'll see.

Enjoy your pregnancy and I wouldn;t stress about telling anyone. When the time is right you will know.


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## glaciergirl

I started to get really anxious about tellng people at work. My family knew after the 12 week scan. And I have just started to tell people at work this week as I am coming up to 16 weeks and the anxiety was causing me to get really stressed. I would worry about what to wear and dealing with MS in the office - so now its a relief they all know. 

Hope all works out for you. xx


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## maggieme

Thanks for all the responses. We're planning on telling family first, which I dont have a problem doing, but once we do that I know my husband will want to tell friends and a couple of his friends I don't want to know at all because the wife is an awful person and saying horrible things about me and my previous miscarriages. She even told me that it was a good thing a mutual friend wasn't pregnant after she had a very early miscarriage because she'd be a bad parent. It's easy for me to hide it at work because I wear scrubs and they are very forgiving, but I know I'll have to tell them soon since people are going to take over some of my added responsibilities while I'm on leave. I guess if we had it my way I'd have the baby and then tell people, lol. Good luck ladies, hope you all the best :)


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## readytta

That's terrible how they have been. Not what I'd call friends that's for sure. That's the last thing you need. You will know when is best to tell anyone and who to tell. It's not selfish of you not to want to tell anyone, it's your baby after all! That's great your husband has supported you. Just stick together and do what's best for you. All the best. As for those awful people...I wouldn't give them a second thought.


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## readytta

So sorry for your losses maggieme. Wishing you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy. I can't believe how horrible some people can be. Keep your chin up and don't let them get to you.


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## Jox

your definitely not selfish :hugs:

After losing Kasper at 36 weeks we waited till i was 15 weeks before telling anyone because it was very soon after we lost Kasper and i didnt want to hear people opinions and tbh its none of anyones business anyway.

Next time, I hope to go further before telling anyone. I would like to get to 20 weeks but the only reason we told at 15 last time is because SIL guessed. i think im gonna avoid people as much as possible next time.

I like it to be our secret, our little surprise that no one else is able to put their opinion accross over because like i say, what business is it of theirs anyway!!!

:hugs: x


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## Andypanda6570

I am so very sorry for your losses :cry: I think if I get pregnant again i wont tell anyone until I give birth :thumbup: I am not even kidding . I will just hide from people and wear big shirts, but this is just the way I feel,
Good Luck To You :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Rowan75

big hugs hon - I think when you feel ready to tell people x


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