# "But your baby is massive, what if you DIE?"



## LegoHouse

:growlmad:

My mums response to me wanting a home birth. Along with something about me being an idiot and not caring about myself or my baby.


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## ljo1984

OH MY GOD!!! you really dont need that especially from your mum. big hugs.

your only 24 weeks, how does she know your babys massive?! lol, just block out the negativity and attempts to scare you out of it. xxx


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## Creative

i think the reaction is due to fear of the unknown. She's probably from a generation who had it drilled into them that hospitals are wonderful, modern and an improvement on the homebirths that were the usual before the modern approach.
My OH was the same when I brought up the subject with him when I was pregnant with my second one. There was no way he would consider it, but over the years, I slowly educated him and he was up for it with my third one and backs me for this one.
Try not to be offended. Give her a good book on the subject to read that will give her the facts and statistics etc. Just keep chipping away gentley and hopefully she'll soon be on board with your plans


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## Mervs Mum

Does your mum have X-ray vision?!


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## moomin_troll

Bloody hell! 

If my mum said that I'd of told her to do one. My mums perfect birth is hospital and all the drugs they can give. Bt she was supportive of my hb and practically delivered orey herself.

Tell ur mum she's got no right to say that to u n u are doing what u want end of.

Hope u get ur Homebirth so u can rub it in her face x

My mil said homebirths were stupid, then I told her I was having one lol I took great pressure in telling her how great it was


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## aliss

Why would you die from a giant baby?

I had a big baby (yes, verified after birth not at 24 weeks LOL), he got stuck and they broke his collarbone to get him out, I was in the gym working out a week later.

It can hurt the baby but not you.

I had him in the hospital. I have a home birth booked for #2.

Funny enough, I would rather have a giant baby at home than the hospital. The midwife at home can do everything the OBGYN will do. In fact, you can do MORE because you're not laid up on an epidural and can use proper maneuvers to get the baby out. Epidural + dystocia is a disaster.

If they have to do a zavanelli section for a TRUE shoulder dystocia baby... well that means you are already looking at a baby with brain damage or a fatality unfortunately. Yes, only the hospital can do this - but by then it's usually too late. It's extremely rare.


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## 17thy

Holy shit I think I'D rather go through trauma than have my child get his collarbone snapped because he was too big.


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## aliss

17thy said:


> Holy shit I think I'D rather go through trauma than have my child get his collarbone snapped because he was too big.

Yeah it wasn't pleasant but unfortunately there's nothing the mom can "suffer" in that instance to make it better for the baby. There is a way to crush the mother's pubic bone but that's attempted after the baby's collarbone as it's much more severe.


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## NaturalMomma

Wow that's horrible. Why would your baby be massive? It is extremely rare to make a baby too big to be born vaginally. Moms are suppose to be supportive, and calling you an idiot? Wow.


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## ZoeZo

I remember reading this last week, really interesting (sorry to hear about your poor babies break during birth Aliss :( )

https://midwifethinking.com/2010/12/03/shoulder-dystocia-the-real-story/

Interstingly I was a small baby (5lb 7 or something) and I got stuck, my Mum was induced, epidural, forceps.. (same old pattern?) I went to the Docs last year about my neck, when they x-rayed they found I'd had an old break to the first rib - I've never broken a bone, so this could've happened during birth?!

My Mum was a nurse for around 40 years, so she is very 'medicalised' and 'do what the Doctors tell you' she just laughed when I said I wanted a natural and unmedicated birth :( I thought she'd be more open to the idea and supportive - felt like she was dooming me to fail and didn't believe I could/would do it

I wouldn't even dare mention home birth to her, everyone I've mentioned it to says 'why take the risk' as if I'm mad - apart from my friend, who is a recently qualified midwife and just had her second daughter at home!


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## Sam Pearson

I"d just tell your Mum that your vagina is huge and stretchy so she need not worry.

But really, vaginas stretch and so does the birthing woman's pelvis, and babies squish to get through the birth canal. Petite women birth very large babies all the time. It used to be something we congratulated each other over, a bonnie big baby. When did this change, when fashion dictated that we should all be thin? And now babies need to be fashionably thin from birth???


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## Blah11

Oh thats horrid :( My coworkers (who are nurses) and friends didnt understand why I'd want a homebirth, and one of the doctors actually said 'oh dont do it! go to the hospital' :roll: but my mum was supportive and after seeing romans birth shes been giving homebirths her praises ever since :thumbup:


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## Sam Pearson

LegoHouse said:


> :growlmad:
> 
> My mums response to me wanting a home birth. Along with something about me being an idiot and not caring about myself or my baby.

My Mum told me I didn't care if my baby died because I was having a homebirth. I didn't speak to her about my impending birth again. 

She also wasn't invited to the birth (my MIL and sister were both present) and we didn't even bother phoning her right away to tell her the baby was born.

To my mind by not being supportive and pushing her fearmongering onto me she took away her right to be involved. I surrounded myself on ly with loving supportive people.


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## babydrms

I would like to correct the person whom thought there is no risk to mom in having a large baby. There are many risks to mom including bladder trauma and post-partum hemorrhage (caused by an over stretched uterus not being able to contract properly to slow bleeding following the delivery of placenta). That being said, most pph can be controlled by a skilled midwife until you can be transferred to hospital for further treatment. Assuming you don't live hours from the hospital.


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## Mervs Mum

A friend of mine had her 11lb baby at home in water after 42 weeks after 2 previous c sections. She had her youngest this morning, again at home, in water and she weighed 9lb 13oz. Women have big babies all the time.


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## Sam Pearson

Mervs Mum said:


> Does your mum have X-ray vision?!

It is amazing. Your Mum could make a fortune with her magical powers of being able to determine a baby's size just from looking at you. 

I'm petite and when carrying my two 9.5lb babies everybody tried to scare me with the big baby = risky birth crap. All these scaremongers seemed to also have special powers because at just a glance at my deficient hips they could determine that my pelvis was too tiny to birth. Only thing was my whopper babies did fit through my teeny tiny pelvis and squeeed out of my vagina just perfectly. 

In the absence of a deformed pelvic structure or other medical conditions that lead to macrosomia, this&#65279; statement is true: A woman's body will not grow a baby too big.

Here is a great site about big babies that dispels many of the myths. Your Mum might like to read some of it.

https://www.bigbaby.org.uk

And here is there page on the benefits of big babies:

https://www.bigbaby.org.uk/the_benefits_of_big_babies.html


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## LegoHouse

I have been told the whole time he's a big baby, like my mum was with me, and I was 10lb. Having a big baby doesn't really scare me. It scares my mum because I did get stuck and she did have a really traumatic birth. I'm not her though. I've done it before and I trust my body :(


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## Creative

LegoHouse said:


> I have been told the whole time he's a big baby, like my mum was with me, and I was 10lb. Having a big baby doesn't really scare me. It scares my mum because I did get stuck and she did have a really traumatic birth. I'm not her though. I've done it before and I trust my body :(

PMA IS 9/10 of the battle!


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## LegoHouse

I know! I honestly believe my labour with my daughter was so quick and problem free because I was so chilled out about it.

I'm fed up of hearing "good luck" when I tell people he's a big baby! If anything him being big is just going to be more pressure and make him come out even faster *smug face* :lol:

My 7 stone friend had a 9lb baby. I'm sure I will be fine!


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## madasa

How very disrespectful. I know some members of my (Dh's) family were thinking this when I was pregnant. But they had the grace to keep unwelcome opinions to themselves. My own family were very positive, which kind of helped balance it out.


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## pea-in-pod

look that sh*t just annoys me!! its ignorance that causes people to say stupid, uneducated things like that, and also the way the medical community has a profit based interest in the general public believing that stuff.
I had lots of that kind of talk early on in my pregnancy, and after that I just stopped telling people I was planning a homebirth. the fact is, if you are planning a homebirth, then chances are you've done your own research, and you know its the best choice for you! so you really dont need other peoples opinions on it. If there are peeps you have to tell, and you get feedback like that, I would simply say to them "you go and do the __ hours of research that I have put into this, and then come back and have an intelligent conversation with me about it". For me I could honestly say that after reading several books and multiple articles, I spent likely 100 hours researching my decision. so it just pisses me off when people who have done zero reading or research about it, act like they know anything!

good luck!


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## bubbles

:hugs: to LegoHouse, I know how disheartening it is to be met with negativity when you are planning something very positive. My ILs were very negative when I told them we were planning a hb with DD, the conversation was...
Me&DH- "We are planning a home birth"
ILs- "No you're NOT" 

:wacko: Like they have a say


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## Lizzie K

I am so sorry your mother was so negative. My in-laws (well, husband's father and stepmother) are completely negative and have crappy attitudes about my whole pregnancy this time around. Everyone else in both our families are just worried about me because I suffer severe PPD, but they are both just totally horrible.


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## xSin

That's terrible... my mom is totally cool with the idea of a home-birth but the idea of a water birth completely wigs her out (she says its unnatural for land based mammals to give birth in water and will NOT budge on this no matter what) 

Whatever, if I find a midwife in the area I'm moving to that will support me for a home birth I'm also going to push for a water birth :D

I even tried explaining to my mum that its a natural method of pain relief vs epidurals and other drugs and she kept on emphasizing that there is nothing natural about land based mammals birthing in water. Oh well....


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## modo

Everyone thought my LO would be big. My consultant said he was 8lbs at 37weeks and predicted he would be 9lbs at birth. My son was born at 39 weeks (failed induction) weighing 7lbs 3oz.


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## Sam Pearson

xSin said:


> I even tried explaining to my mum that its a natural method of pain relief vs epidurals and other drugs and she kept on emphasizing that there is nothing natural about land based mammals birthing in water. Oh well....

That was my in laws attitude, too. They said "You're not a hippo so why do you want to birth in water". I just casually informed them that Ancient Egyptian royalty were birthed underwater and only the best would do for my baby. It's crazy that your Mum would prefer you to have drugs than use water for pain relief.


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## xSin

Sam Pearson said:


> xSin said:
> 
> 
> I even tried explaining to my mum that its a natural method of pain relief vs epidurals and other drugs and she kept on emphasizing that there is nothing natural about land based mammals birthing in water. Oh well....
> 
> That was my in laws attitude, too. They said "You're not a hippo so why do you want to birth in water". I just casually informed them that Ancient Egyptian royalty were birthed underwater and only the best would do for my baby. It's crazy that your Mum would prefer you to have drugs than use water for pain relief.Click to expand...

:dohh:


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## Vicyi

My whole family thought i was 'crazy' when i said i wanted a home birth with no2 and we didn't even TELL OHs family as i know they would have gone mental about it. As it turned out it was a perfect, easy, 4hours labour from start to finish. Will deffo be hoping for the same for no3!!


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