# He's being nice now...



## Seren0613

He's nice. He's concerned. He's offered to buy maternity clothes. He hugged me so tight at my last OB appointment. He even rubbed my belly.

It makes me cry. Where was this before? I'm 18 weeks & he's just now acting this way. The way I needed him to be, he is now. It's not fair. I want to think this is a permanent change, I wish it was and we could work things out. It makes me sad.


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## Jade--x

:hugs:


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## Laurakiaora

My baby's dad was like this after a while. We split before we knew I was pregnant. He was beyond furious at first and didn't want me to have her. He fought and he said awful things and it was just horrible. He wouldn't come to my scans or antenatal appointments. He didn't want to help pick and buy stuff. He wouldn't read the literature I sent him on baby care and labour. 
He slowly (very slowly) made progress throughout my pregnancy (rubbing my tummy, listening to her, feeling her kick, coming to the later appointments) and ended up being there during my whole labour and the week afterwards. He loves Anna now and despite thing between us not being great and him not seeing her as much as I'd like, when he does he's brilliant with her and is the proud dad. 

I know it's it's but just try to give it time.


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## MorganEvans

Maybe have a talk with him? A serious one. Put him on a long probation, explaining him what happens if he pulls the floor from under your feet. Take caution, but dont over-do it.


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## Seren0613

We had a long talk & have agreed to go to couples counseling through a church. I've spent the past 2 days at his place; he's taken me out to dinner, bought tons of baby clothes when we went out after my gender scan (it's a girl!), & has been very attentive & nurturing. I hope this lasts!


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## justhoping

Seren0613 said:


> He's nice. He's concerned. He's offered to buy maternity clothes. He hugged me so tight at my last OB appointment. He even rubbed my belly.
> 
> It makes me cry. Where was this before? I'm 18 weeks & he's just now acting this way. The way I needed him to be, he is now. It's not fair. I want to think this is a permanent change, I wish it was and we could work things out. It makes me sad.

lots of times it takes longer for it to sink in to the guy...i would see if he really did change and if he did...isnt that a good thing?


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## Ceejay123

I hope this lasts Honey. <3.


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## Seren0613

It didn't. Things were great til today. He kicked me out. Today was my baby shower - at his friend's house. I was told not to come. Oh, and the day before Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to me.


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## justhoping

Seren0613 said:


> It didn't. Things were great til today. He kicked me out. Today was my baby shower - at his friend's house. I was told not to come. Oh, and the day before Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to me.

im so sorry....you should maybe go to the couciling...if he wont go it can at least help you through this really really tuff time :hugs
:


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## Seren0613

I don't think I want to be with someone who kicks me out a month before I'm due.

I'm just worried about custody. Plus he has all of my things (furniture, clothes) in a storage unit. Plus knows everyone I work with. This will cause problems in my life in every way imagineable.


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## Ceejay123

Oh honey, be careful x


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## Dezireey

I would give a man only one chance to come around if an unexpected pregnancy happens and he freaks out. but now he's left you yet again and kicked you out, I would never bother with this guy again if I were you.

I would just carry on now and do this alone. Far better to get your head into a mindset that he is not in the picture anymore than wait for every time he suddenly may come around and sends you on an emotional roller coaster. If I could have done things differently, I would have totally ignored and blanked out my ex the moment he walked out on me and his unborn child. It is just totally unacceptable and the only way you can show that he has no more chances is to kick him to the kerb for good. Let him come to you when baby is born if he wants to be any sort of father. Judging by his behaviour though sweetie, the outlook is not good. I would also make it clear ( if he comes back again) that he sees the baby on your terms and make it all factual and clinical. Treat him as coldly as he has treated you.

There are many men out there that put aside their disagreements with their ex, their feelings etc to man up and just be a Dad. Sadly there are also men out there who just run at the slightest sign of responsibility. These are not real men. They are wimps.


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## Seren0613

He's actually spoken to a lawyer recently and is wanting full custody. I'm going to a lawyer tomorrow, looks like this will be a ridiculous court custody case.


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## justhoping

Seren0613 said:


> He's actually spoken to a lawyer recently and is wanting full custody. I'm going to a lawyer tomorrow, looks like this will be a ridiculous court custody case.

lol omg..do you have people who know what he has done...heck you can print out your posts to prove how irresponsible he has been...

it take alot for a dad to get full custody of a child..

most likely he will only get visitation, one thing good is they will have him pay child support asap that child is bornl..LOL no way around that now...

he is unfit and simply by these posts alone you can prove that as you did not know court way in the future before you posted this for support from friends....

he is a douche, Let him play his games...there is no judge that will take him seriously..heck i would even ask if he can get a spych test done as he definitly doesnt sound stable.....and the courts should know he isnt....

they also will not like that he throse his pregnant OH out on a wim....and has had zero interest in this baby...he is just using this to scare you...

your lawyer will tell you....


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## Seren0613

Surprisingly, he does have interest in his baby (however, given that he threw me out, does not seem like it right now). I will be asking for shared custody, for the sake of my child. I also make a lot more money than he does, so I also do not want child support. I'm not going to be petty like he is. He knows this, he just wants to huff & puff because he's mad I'm not groveling and begging him. He will cool down and be amicable with me in a while, like he did last time. I'm just done with it.


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## Dezireey

Full custody??! after doing that?

Sheesh, some men need government ordered vasectomies the moment they hit puberty in my opinion.


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## Dream.dream

He won't get full custody that's laughable . 

Hun plan your life without him for you and baby's sake . and before baby gets here set up safe guards so he can mess with your life . Move and don't tell him where , don't do anything he could use against you and honestly I would tell him about baby related things but nothing else . he sounds like he's trying to punish you with court in some ways and that's so cruel


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## justhoping

Seren0613 said:


> Surprisingly, he does have interest in his baby (however, given that he threw me out, does not seem like it right now). I will be asking for shared custody, for the sake of my child. I also make a lot more money than he does, so I also do not want child support. I'm not going to be petty like he is. He knows this, he just wants to huff & puff because he's mad I'm not groveling and begging him. He will cool down and be amicable with me in a while, like he did last time. I'm just done with it.

throwing you out and telling a pregnant you that he wants to go for full custody doesnt show me he cares for you nor the baby.....if he did he wouldnt do this to you expecially NOW!!
As for child support, no matter how much you make, the money is for the baby...its his baby he really does need to contribute even if you make more....i think men really slack if they think they dont need to support there child....even if its only a few dollars....he needs to support his child....
that is not being petty, its his baby.....he helped make it, he needs to support it financially and emotionally....its his job, it has nothing to do with you being petty, its called being a dad....and responsible!

of course your baby needs daddy in his life and you guys should work out something...but i would make it legal so he cant pull anymore bs on you and so that he knows he cant pull anymore bs on you....

I have been in your shoes and and if men think they can keep doing this they do it......im glad your done with it and sticking to your guns....
:hugs:


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## Seren0613

Update: not only did he kick me out, he changed the locks. He's being a butthead and saying it's me! Anyway, he's still maintaining he will take full custody. So... I met with a lawyer today. The lawyer is in my hometown (which I'm moving back to since being kicked out. Staying here with parents, sign a lease on an apartment in a week). My lawyer is cut-throat, no nonsense. Other lawyers are scared to go against him in court -- they usually lose. He's that good... and expensive. $3,000 to be exact. So, I'm drawing out of my retirement, but I have to in this situation.

Moral dilemma: where I live, once fob signs birth certificate, he has equal rights. At that point he could grab her and run out. Police will not bring her back to me unless I have a court order saying 1. I have custody 2. He needs to give her back. He could keep her until we went to court, I would have to file an emergency custody hearing. 

My lawyer says we can't risk this. I agree. He says technically, I don't have to invite him to her birth - he wouldn't. 1. No relationship, no obligation. He says she will be a newborn, they do not have a relationship. Also, as far as "promoting a good relationship for the other parent" (which courts favor the parent who does this and usually award custody to the more responsible parent who facilitates this) does not exist for the previous reason. It would be different if she were 5, but she's a newborn and we were never married. I wanted shared custody with not child support, but he said that's not an option given that I had to move an hour away. 1 of us will have full custody (me) and hr will get short visitation while she is young (a few hrs, at my place) that would build up to every other weekend (at most) when she is older. Also, once she's born, I will have to file for custody. I have a month to get $3,000 to pay my lawyer (do-able, but tough) and then we can begin.

So, the plan is: once she's born, when I'm discharged I text him to tell him he's a father. We immediately file for custody, have a hearing in approximately 2 weeks. I will get custody, he will get visitation. At that point, he will be ordered child support by the court.

I feel guilty not allowing him at the birth, but I can't risk him taking her. He would, given that I cannot trust him to be rational, as exhibited by kicking me out and changing the locks, threatening me with court, etc. I also don't want child support, but I can't help that the court will automatically order it. It will all go into a savings account for her. I am going to look like a horrible person. He will tell her that I am the reason he can't see her often and why he couldn't be at her birth. I am so conflicted. :(


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## Ceejay123

Don't feel guilty at all! Whether you make more than him or not sweetie he should be contributing to the baby's upbringing, that doesn't make you a bad person.

It's good that your lawyer is so confident, I think your plan sounds brilliant, you sound very fair x


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## Dream.dream

He can be at the Birth and not sign the birth certificate . You just don't let him fill out papers . I get your lawyer is cut throat but I work on law and that doesn't always work to you advantage now a days. Some judges will look at the not let him at the birth and such as you being petty am trying to keep him from his child and it may work against you. 

They are about the child's best interest and if you offer supervised visitation he can't run off with her and you still look like your trying .

Just soemthing to think about


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## Seren0613

He says me not allowing him at the birth wouldn't factor in (there is no relationship with he and the child at this point).

We do not have a relationship, there is no obligation for him to be present or request his presence. If a relationship with an unborn child were arguable, so is he kicking me (and essentially) her out, which would be considered abandonment. But, since she's not born, it's a moot point.


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## justhoping

He doesnt need to be at the birth no, but dream.dream is right with everything else..
been dealing with my x and court AND kids and the last thing you want to do is look petty and look vendictive because they will hold that against you even if he is the one being the (dog)...
you want to show when the baby is born that you want him to be apart of the childs life, although supervised until you feel he can be trusted. Because as long as you look like your trying and he keeps doing creepy things...you will look like the stable one..

court is a tricky thing.....though you probably want him to have nothing to do with her...and i can undertand that...the court will side with him....i hate having to let him in...you know...but as long as i let the court know im trying on my side...i look like the good parent,...

i wish you luck..hopefully he just backs off and you dont even have to think about him ever again.....but if not.....((hugs))....


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## Seren0613

No, I am for joint custody. He wants full.


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## helen_beee

Just butting in over here! I did not let FOB at birth, why would I? I needed support and he wouldn't give it, he had absolutely no right to be at the birth when I was at my most vulnerable. But I would try to be as nice as possible, facilitate their relationship as courts will look positively at this. Encourage visitation but I agree you should have full custody.

With my FOB I always offered visitation and tried to encourage their relationship and now he's proved to be a waste of space it all reflects better on me. Plus I wanted my LO to have a relationship with his dad, more people to love him can't be bad xx


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## Larkspur

Seren0613 said:


> I feel guilty not allowing him at the birth, but I can't risk him taking her. He would, given that I cannot trust him to be rational, as exhibited by kicking me out and changing the locks, threatening me with court, etc. I also don't want child support, but I can't help that the court will automatically order it. It will all go into a savings account for her. *I am going to look like a horrible person. He will tell her that I am the reason he can't see her often and why he couldn't be at her birth.* I am so conflicted. :(

In the nicest possible way hon, this should be the furtherest thing from your mind. 

Firstly, because you don't have a crystal ball, so can't see how things will be even six months down the track, let alone several years when your baby will be able to form an opinion on the relationship between her mum and dad (assuming he is still bothering to have contact), so there's no reason to worry now.

And secondly because fuck him. Seriously, a man does not get to kick out his pregnant partner, change the locks, withhold her possessions, threaten her with court and then be at the birth. HE is the horrible person here. 

I'm with your lawyer. Be unflinchingly civil to him and unfailing prompt and reasonable when dealing with the legal system, but do not give that man an inch or an ounce more than the minimum the law offers. He has not earned it.


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## Dezireey

A woman has the right to refuse ANYONE to be present at the birth of her baby that is not actively involved in assisting with the birth ( medical professionals). Even if you are married and suddenly decide you don't want your lovely, caring husband present, then that is what the nurses, midwives and doctors will facilitate for the Mother. It is about creating the most stress free environment for a mother giving birth, it is not about the father demanding to be present and getting shitty if he isn't, and then taking the mother to court because she wouldn't let him be there for the birth of his child. I mean, can you imagine? A woman in labour screaming her head off saying 'get him out, I don't want him here' and the midwife saying 'shush dear, he has a right to be here??' Then the mothers blood pressure goes through the roof endangering both her and baby's life. Nope, stress free is best and FOB can just wait outside or visit at another day. I may have read this thread wrong, so apologies but if the OP doesn't want this guy at the birth nor does she want him on the birth certificate then she has the right to do that. If he wants to add his name, he can fight through the courts to do that.

Showing respect and kindness towards the Mother of his unborn child is his first port of call. Locking her out and treating her like shite is not the best start.


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## justhoping

Seren0613 said:


> No, I am for joint custody. He wants full.

good for you, that makes it look like your very willing to work something with him and he is showing what a d*ck he really is...it also shows your child you where very willing to do whatever you could for there relationship...now if he screws it up it will show on him...and only him..
that will look very good on your end hun

im thinking about you in all this mess...((hugs))


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