# Feel like I put too much pressure on my 5yr old.



## CaptainMummy

Paige is in Primary 1 (same as reception I think, it is her first year)
She is one of the youngest in her class (the 3rd youngest to be exact) and I feel like I expect so much from her. All three of my girls have always been very advanced at pretty much everything as babies/toddlers, and I guess I automatically assume she will be the same at school. 

When she does her homework, it irritates me when she is carrying on and not doing it neatly like I know she can... Or when she doesnt think things through properly. I try not to let it show, but sometimes I will tell her to write a bit neater, for example. 
I think I just need to relax a bit, but it's hard! Its not even like she is struggling at all. Her parents evening is in 2 weeks and im sure I will be told she is right on track. 

Please help me chill out a bit!


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## alibaba24

I feel this way at times but my dd is 6 and then I have to remind myself she is only 6 . Why am I expecting her to act like an adult. Thankfully she enjoys homework but with the neatness etc again I remind myself that a year ago she couldn't even write. Her happiness is way more important and I don't want her to look back and remember me sniping at her I want her to remember a supportive relaxed environment


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## OmarsMum

I honestly don't think you are doing something wrong, I expect Omar to write neatly, he doesn't have patience, but writing an a & f the same size for example is not right, or if he writes his b from down to up as it is faster and so on, I erase & let him write the words again, it is not even a homework, it is the spelling practice sheet, if at a young age they don't learn how to do their work neatly & with focus & patience, it will become a habit when they are older. 

I noticed that children those days don't have patience when it comes to studying, my boy depends on what he already knows, being the top student in his class is not helping, today he had 2 mistakes in His Arabic dictation because of his handwriting! He wasn't even bothered as he gets full marks most of the time. 

I don't consider it as high expectation, I don't know how long you spend studying but in our case my boy doesn't study at home over 3 hrs per week and he spends most of that time whining and complaining.


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## Quartz

Her behaviour sounds perfectly normal, after a long day at school they need a chance to be children, they have years to be adults.

Set aside a set amount of time per night and leave it at that - I find my DD likes knowing she has 20 minutes and then can play.

Neither of these things does not mean she is not advanced. I happen to think we expect too much of children and forcing them to learn does not teach them supporting them does


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## caz_hills

I often feel I pressure my son too much. He is meant to read daily but we try and do it every other day (a book every other day) as he doesn't ever want to do it. So we do other stuff he doesn't recognise as work like playing games with the 45 key words he is supposed to know.

My husband says I pressure him too much to read but I know, like you, that he can do it. My boy is the same - 4th youngest in his case in his class. They don't give them any dispensation on age in his school - evberyone is treated the same despite there being sometimes a clear age (mainly in maturity and concentration) between the youngest and oldest.
x


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## sabby52

Declan is 8 and sometimes his writing isnt neat, I am 37 and sometimes my writing isnt neat :haha: I think sometimes they just want to get it done, Dec is one of the highest in his class and I have noticed the times his writing isnt neat is the times he is not being challenged, the work is too easy and he just wants to get it over with. He knows he is expected to write neatly but sometimes he just doesnt want to, as long as I can understand it then I dont make to much of an issue. I really do feel too much pressure is put on kids now-a-days, we need to let them be kids and not mini adults.
To be honest I think most kids have days were they just couldnt bother being neat and what your little one is doing sounds completely normal :)


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## CaptainMummy

Thanks everyone. I feel a bit better now. She only spends about 15 minutes on her homework and then she is done, so it's not too much, I agree that she is just wanting to relax and play or do more interesting things!
She is in the top groups for both language work and maths, and I know that her work has been passed around the staff room due to how neat it is... So I think I am being a bit unreasonable. I remember putting alot of pressure on myself at prinary school, I was also top of the class and felt like I had failed if I didnt do the best... But it is unfair to expect that of Paige when she is doing well and that should be more than enough (and it is, I am so pleased she isnt struggling) so I think I will just let her do her homework in a relaxed atmosphere and if its a bit messy... Then so be it!


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## minties

It sounds like schooling starts very early in the UK and that there is a lot of pressure for kids to be quite mature by the time they are 3-5. Toilet training at 2 or earlier, school starting at age 4, etc etc. It must be quite hard, both for kids and parents. 

Thomas has only just started school 5.5 weeks ago, his handwriting looks like a bunch of drunken spiders dancing across the page and he can't actually read or spell much of anything. But he's perfectly in line with most of the kids in his class and he's enjoying school which is HUGE for me. I thought he would hate it. 

We work on stuff at home but not all that much - he's often so tired he's falling asleep by 4pm. They swim every day and do so much. 

A 5 year olds classroom here is full of toys, much like a preschool, they know 5 year olds are still very little people. 

It sounds like Paige is light years ahead of 5 year olds here!


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## CaptainMummy

Minties, it's crazy how differently things are done in different parts of the world!
I also thought Paige woukd struggle to settle in at school, but she liked it from day one, and I was so relieved when she went in without a fuss on the first day! (and every day since)
I have no idea where the kids in her class are, but my sister teaches primary ones in another school and says there is only one little girl in her class who is doing as well as she is. Here is her homework the other night, I don't know how the other kids in her class write, but as Paige has always been very good at writing/drawing etc I just expect 'perfection' all the time from her which is unfair!
https://i1304.photobucket.com/albums/s521/paigesmummyxx/DSC_1133_zps4cddv3ld.jpg


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## alibaba24

Her writing is brilliant I would not be grumbling about that at all or expecting better


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## Quartz

MrsMurphy2Be said:


> Minties, it's crazy how differently things are done in different parts of the world!
> I also thought Paige woukd struggle to settle in at school, but she liked it from day one, and I was so relieved when she went in without a fuss on the first day! (and every day since)
> I have no idea where the kids in her class are, but my sister teaches primary ones in another school and says there is only one little girl in her class who is doing as well as she is. Here is her homework the other night, I don't know how the other kids in her class write, but as Paige has always been very good at writing/drawing etc I just expect 'perfection' all the time from her which is unfair!
> https://i1304.photobucket.com/albums/s521/paigesmummyxx/DSC_1133_zps4cddv3ld.jpg


what is perfection to you? that looks perfect to me


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## CaptainMummy

That is how she usually writes which I think is amazing... But she goes from that to it looking so sloppy sometimes, looks like it has been done by a different child. It just frustrates me when I know she can write like this but I know I shouldn't show it, and I have been keeping my mouth closed recently!


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## Natsku

Her handwriting is better than mine!


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## Neko

Avery's handwriting is much larger and less neat than that. I wouldn't worry if some papers are neater than others. My DD brings home tons of papers from Pre-kindergarten, some are neater than others. Depends on her mood, time of day, etc. In her class, plenty of kids are still refusing to do their work, let alone do it neatly.


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## CaptainMummy

Thanks. I guess it is unrealistic of me to expecther to write her neatest all the time. I have no idea what her work in the classroom is like, it just varies so much at home.
As you say, she is doing her work and that is fab!


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## minties

Paige writes about as well as I did when I was 12! I'll show you what it's like in Thomas's class in a sec.


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## minties

I can't get the pictures to upload sorry!

Are parents not allowed to go into classrooms in the UK? I am always moseying through his books and the other kids show me theirs too.


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## Quartz

No one has the energy to be neat all the time.

In DD school I go in and read once a week with the class and see all their work then (in the displays) other than that its at parents evening. Year 2 you drop them off at the main door. I do see her work in her homework book.

I have to say I am very much the opposite I dont want her to be a perfectionist I dont think its healthy to always expect perfection particularly as the work is getting harder (on her maths test the last question was 3/4 of 52). But I do try to get her to slow down and read the questions otherwise she can get them wrong.


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## tommyg

I think her homework is very good. I don't know what more you can expect from her. Becareful you don't push too hard and put her off "if my best isn't go enough why bother trying"

Please remember some children will be about to turn 6 in her class, and some who are possibly a full year older if they deferred from the year before. Totally unfair to compare her to them.


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## CaptainMummy

tommyg said:


> I think her homework is very good. I don't know what more you can expect from her. Becareful you don't push too hard and put her off "if my best isn't go enough why bother trying"
> 
> Please remember some children will be about to turn 6 in her class, and some who are possibly a full year older if they deferred from the year before. Totally unfair to compare her to them.

I Agree that her homework is good, but it is not always as neat as that. Which I now realise isn't something I need to be worrying about. She tends to do it neatly but just has the odd day where she rushes and it is a bit of a mess! I try not to compare her to the other kids, and I dont really. I guess I just automatically assume that they are all the same since they are in the same class.. But like you say there are a couple in her class who are already 6. She is in top groups for everything and I cant ask for anymore. I am just so used to seeing her working meticulously (this is the way she has always been) that I automatically expect her to do it all the time... Which I now understand is unrealistic. 

Since the original post, I have completely relaxed over her homework. I dont 'tell her off' for messy writing (although it is generally always neat) and she seems content with what she is doing.

Her parents evening ia tomorrow so Im looking forward to hearing how she is doing


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## Lellow

How did parents evening go?


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## CaptainMummy

Lellow said:


> How did parents evening go?

Really well thanks. The first thing she commented on was her handwriting and how it was 'perfect' and her drawings. 
She has absolutely no concerns and not a bad word was said. They had only done a maths assessment that week to put them in groups and she said she did better than expected (she isnt a maths genius, but is still quite good and has picked it all up) and her reading is coming along as it should too. Again she isn't the best in the class, but overall she is keeping up with the older kids and right where her teacher wants her to be.

Super proud of her. 

She really enjoys school too and is always happy when there which is really important too :)


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