# I am now a single mum :(



## Jennifurball

I have admitted defeat and moved back home. OH (ex) preferred alcohol to his family, never paid a penny and generally caused me hell, although sometimes he was nice, and that is what kept me there but now his family are involved saying I am as bad as him and they will get her taken off me so I decided enough is enough and moved back home.

All the neighbours heard was him shouting abuse at me and once they even called the Police.

Although I know I have done the right thing for Scarlett, I feel sick and my heart hurts. I hate the thought of him meeting other women and the fact I still have to see his family and him for Scarlett. Although I don't want them near her.

I just hate this situation. Will it get easier?


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## whatwillbe

Sorry hun, i know it hurts but from what you've said, you have done the right thing, it is hard at first, especially when theres still love there, but it will get easier with time x


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## jenfirstbaby

Hi hun, was wondering where you had got to. 

I'm really sorry to hear what happened., but you are definitely better off. I remember your threads about your OH and it seemed it would happen eventually. 

I'm in a similar situation, though without the abuse/arguing etc. Me and Jessica have moved in with my parents for now til we sort it out. It is really difficult to begin with, mostly what gets me is the thought of him with another woman.

If you need to chat feel free to message me. Scarlett looks gorgeous btw :flower: 

Hope you are ok. You will get through this hun, promise :hugs:


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## Jennifurball

That's my biggest worry, seeing him, looking in his eyes knowing he has done things with another woman that has only been between us for the past 5 years, especially now I have his baby to bring up, not that I mind that because she is my world. :kiss:

I feel better tonight as I have my parents ranting at me at what a loser he is, it is stopping me pine for him.


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## jenfirstbaby

He definitely is a loser! All us girls that were in 3rd with you know that too. The girls here are great, they encouraged me to do the right thing and im so much happier now. glad you have the support from ur parents. x


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## Jennifurball

This place has been a godsend, I have missed it so much but I didn't have net access where I lived apart from facebook on my phone lol so it is good to be back, I can see myself stalking this place now! Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is so good to hear from other girls going through the same and are proving they are coming out the other side. :thumbup:

Men are useless! :growlmad:


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## emeraldbaby

You did the right thing in leaving.
I left my husband who is abusive a couple of months ago. I am going through this pregnancy alone, he won't be at the birth and I will be raising this baby alone. Despite the circumstances and knowing it was the right thing it still hurts like hell some days. I like you am wondering when it will get easier.
Thank goodness for the support of our family and the people on b&b


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## KayBea

i left my OH (ex) in early june...
i was fine at first but lately hes been putting pics on facebook with him & other girls & it makes me feel sick..
:(

what makes it worse is that he can go do that but i cant, i dont have the time, nor the money to go out( of course he doesnt pay a penny!!) or the guts to be fair, im not ready iykwim?
it kills me seeing him moved on so quick without a glance at his daughter, hes not seen her since we split (i had him arrested)

feel free to PM me for a rant anyone xxx


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## jenfirstbaby

Its good to have you back :thumbup: shame its not under better circumstances though! 

Any time there's a cat mentioned in a thread people mention you :haha: x


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## Jennifurball

I've got rid of facebook for that reason mainly, cos I know he will brag, he did it last time we split up, which was hard enough. :cry:

LOL @ cats! :blush: :haha:

Love how you girls are keeping me strong, I felt dreadful before. :nope:


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## jenfirstbaby

I started a cat thread when LO was like 3 weeks old and was torn apart for it!! Haha I would have loved if you'd been around, you'd have agreed :haha:


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## Jennifurball

Haha gutted, can you direct me to it or was it locked? Fancy a laugh! :winkwink:


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## KayBea

theres alot of girls in our situation hun :hugs:

xx


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## Jennifurball

I can't sleep now. :(

Will this get easier?? I don't know why I even care if he is looking elsewhere now, but it bothers me. :cry:

Everyone I know has said I can do better, and people have actually had a quiet word with my mum asking why I am with him, and they know nothing about the drunken abuse, they just said I can do a lot lot better.


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## teal

Massive hugs :hugs: It really does get easier :hugs:

You've done the right thing, no-one deserves any abuse from anyone. You deserve so much better xx


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## KayBea

honestly let him get on with it.. i know EXACTLY how u feel.. PM me if u need a chat!!

i feel sick to the stomach that hes just kicked us to the curb.

to make it worse his new thing is half his age!!! :dohh:
think this makes it worse, feel sorry for her because shes so nieve & he obviously hasnt told her whats going on. probably not even told her he has a daughter..

xx


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## Jennifurball

Men can be so vile. :(

He is being arsey about access, wanting her on Saturday night lol, he is an alcoholic! I went round before and there was food burning in the oven cos he was pissed! He also supports his cousin for calling SS saying I'M an alcoholic. I hate them all.

CSA can't help me either re; access, that is ridiculous. :cry:


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## jenfirstbaby

Jen you are the primary cater. Until things are actually set like with a lawyer etc then I defo wouldn't give him access. 

My ex wants Jessica over night and I've told him no, he wasn't happy but I've said not til im comfortable with it and he can prove he can take of her , which so far he hasn't! If he's not willing to co operate then don't contact him at all! Xx


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## Jennifurball

I don't understand it when she was living with him, he couldn't be bothered with ANYTHING. Now he wants her for the night?? I am sure he is only saying it because he knows it will bother me, I haven't left her overnight with anyone, never mind him.

Just had a bit of a cry thinking about what a short space of time it has been since he was there for me during labour, now this. :(

Is it normal to wonder if I have done the right thing despite knowing he was no good?


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## jenfirstbaby

Jennifurball said:


> I don't understand it when she was living with him, he couldn't be bothered with ANYTHING. Now he wants her for the night?? I am sure he is only saying it because he knows it will bother me, I haven't left her overnight with anyone, never mind him.
> 
> Just had a bit of a cry thinking about what a short space of time it has been since he was there for me during labour, now this. :(
> 
> Is it normal to wonder if I have done the right thing despite knowing he was no good?

Jen I swear my oh was the same. I won't go into it but one of the reasons I left is because I felt like a single parent, done everything on my own, he was out all the time , never done a night shift etc. When I split with him he all of a sudden wanted to see her all the time, do over nights. I told him he's not getting over nights coz he doesn't know what he's doing seen as he wouldn't do a night shift. 

When I told him all this his excise was 'its different, when you stayed here I could see her whenever I wanted'.... Yes, but U didn't!


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## Jennifurball

Exactly, I couldn't trust him anyway, in the rare times he did help, he didn't wash the bottles before sterilising, guessed on how much water to put in the steriliser, didn't hold her properly and I was on edge etc.

He thought I was gonna come back, can you believe that? After a row, maybe, but not when he is letting his family report me to SS. :cry:


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## teal

It is normal to question your decision :hugs: I know it's easier said that done but try not to let second guessing and what if's drive you crazy :hugs: 

The fact he thought you would go right back to him after allowing his family to involve ss speaks volumes about how little respect he has for you. You're being so, so strong :hugs: 

ps: I was getting confused because two of you lovely ladies are called Jen :haha: I'm a Jen too :D xx


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## Jennifurball

lol I guess that name means we are unlucky in love! :blush:

I know it is none of my business now but I have asked him to respect me by not seeing other women just yet, I just can't bear the thought, he said he wouldn't and for me not to, even if I wanted to, which I don't, how could I with a 3.5 month old baby!?

I don't think he will stick to it once he gets used to being single/speaking to friends etc but I made this decision and I have to stick to it.

You are right, to think I would take him back means he doesn't care how he treats me.


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## teal

Aww sweetie :hugs: I hope that you don't have to deal with him seeing someone else so soon. If he does then at least it's something else to show you you've made the right decision. From what you've said on your opening post he doesn't deserve to have you or your daughter in his life. You're the one who went through pregnancy and birth, have had your hormones all over the place, he should have been being supportive, not drinking and putting you through hell. 

I know it's hard now because it's still so raw but you really are so strong for getting you and your daughter out of that situation. It won't always feel like this :hugs: xx


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## Jennifurball

Thanks, stupid brain has woke me up again early and am going over things but I am starting to slowly accept that we will never be a couple again. Feels far too soon to think about other men but I know so many women who have found amazing men after leaving an abusive one, or maybe they are just normal men but seem amazing after having been treated so crap!


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## teal

Hope you're not too tired :hugs: I'm sure you will meet someone who is right for you, you deserve to be happy :hugs: xx


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## Jennifurball

He is making it easy for me to get over the split, because he is being a total b*****d with me. Grrr. :finger:


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## teal

Definitely use any shit he gives you to reinforce you've made the right decision :hugs: xx


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## Jennifurball

He is doing my head in, one minute he is ringing me with abuse, then ringing me to ask me out then saying it is my loss when I say no!! :wacko:


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## teal

:hugs: Why do these idiots think being abusive is going to win you over! 

It's most definitely his loss if you say no!! xx


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## Jennifurball

Quick update:

He called me early this morning to say he is staying with family in Scotland (sadly the loser who called SS on me), part of me is sad but part of me is glad he is getting away to sort his head. It is in the middle of nowhere so he will HAVE to sort his drinking out.

He called again whilst on the train and started crying and apologising and saying he is missing us both, he even said he would love to sit there feeding her and has realised now what he has lost.

I warned him if his cousins cause me any more bother, I will ban the whole family from seeing her, although I am thinking they won't be bothered about me now we are apart. I am just glad I don't have access issues with him in that he is happy for me to keep her whilst he sorts himself.

It is sad because for once he sounded sober, and was nice to me. But I need to keep remembering the bad times, and there were many of them.


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