# What are my rights?



## annawrigley

FOB is on the BC, so therefore has joint parental rights I guess.
He's never had Noah on his own and has never wanted to and doesn't know how to look after him and now he has a girlfriend he suddenly wants to start taking him for the day and for weekends and stuff. I've said no, obviously, because I can't trust him with him and I also hate the idea of him meeting some skank who will only stick around a few months who I have never even met and know nothing about.
So what are my rights? I have a horrible feeling I have none. Can I demand he only sees him when I'm present, which is what has worked fine all along? (Plus he is also violent and has a history of drugs which is all in his police records and SS report on Noah after he attacked me and tried to take him in the middle of the night...) 
If he comes round to my house and tries to take him (which he has said he will do), or tries to pick him up from nursery, can he?
I'm scared :(


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## dawnmichelle

hello my solicitor told me that because my fob isnt on the bc he has no legal rights but she also said that even if he was on the bc he still wouldnt be able to come and take my son whenever he liked, if he wanted to do that he would have to apply to the courts for a contact order, i have it all written in a letter from her hope this helps you a bit xxx


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## kirst1805

He can't just waltz in and take him, don't worry. If he has been violent and you have records on that, I think you you have every right to demand that you are present during visits.

As for picking him up from nursery, I'd have a word with the staff and make it clear that LO isn't to leave with anyone without your say-so.

xx


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## dawnmichelle

hiya on this webpage it tells you all about parental rhttp://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/dads/parentalresponsibility/ights (pr) xx


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## bw1691

Hello, 
Im in a very similar situation, FOB is on the BC and man did i beat myself up about that for ages.
He has never supported us in any shape or form and wouldnt have the first clue about looking after him. He is'nt trusted by me to be with Alfie on his own and he isnt trusted by my family to be with me on his own. We have video evidence of him being aggresive towards me at a family friends party. 
I have been considering going to a solicitor to bring someone up to date with all the goings on up to now so if anything were to happen serious or he got a solicitor then ive already got someone on my side and knows the story. maybe you should do the same. 
Noah is a gorgeous name and looks beautiful btw! 
Stay strong xxx :)


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## laura1991

If hes not on BC he has no rights, he cant go to nursery so make sure they no to not let him go with him. But if you went to a solicitor he'd probs only get supervised vists because of his past!

edit i thought it said he wasnt on bc 
he cant just take him from nursery, im thinking of changing Lilys nursery so it doesnt no where she is, im scared he will take her and not tell me where he is!


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## purpledahlia

With him being on the BC it can make it tricky when it comes to visitation but noah is still young and he wouldnt get overnight acess yet, but i would go through the courts definately, im not sure if he would get unsupervised visits, i guess not if u say no and with his history it would need to be in a contact centre. Doubt the girlfriend would be allowed in a contact centre tbh,

He cant pick him up from nursery without you saying to the staff he can and they should ask for ID from anyone other than you who youve given permission to pick noah up!


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## sophxx

kirst1805 said:


> He can't just waltz in and take him, don't worry. If he has been violent and you have records on that, I think you you have every right to demand that you are present during visits.
> 
> As for picking him up from nursery, I'd have a word with the staff and make it clear that LO isn't to leave with anyone without your say-so.
> 
> xx

im sorry but he can hes on the birth certifcate and if she rang the police they wouldnt have to make him give him back my best friends oh battered her and throw her one year old across the room yet the police said if he takes her they cant make him brong her back unless my friend put a residencey order on her lo which would mean she was the main parent could make discussions and if he took lo the police would return him 

id speak to a lwyer about putting a residencey order on your lo id also get some advice about using a contact center ect x


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## Rhio92

Going through exact same thing with FOB, you need to see a solicitor hun, you should get legal aid. 
At nursery, are FOB's details down on the forms? If not, they won't let him take noah, birth cert or no birth cert.
If he comes to get noah, you have the right to call 999. Keep doors locked at night, and if you get any threats or anything, call the police, and if you feel scared or threated, you can call the police. 
Hope everything works out x


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## Abigailly

As he's on the BC if he 'just took' him, he'd have every right to keep him and you'd have to fight to get him back. It's a shocking situation.

I'd get advice. On the nursery front, explain to the nursery, then if anyone but you is picking him you arrange a 'password' and show ID.


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## annawrigley

:nope: How is he allowed to just take him when he's never had him a day in his life? I put him on the BC because I dont want to lie about who his dad is, I know who he is so I put him on, not to have to deal with this shit :growlmad:


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## wishuwerehere

Talk to the nursery staff. I told them that Issy doesn't live with FOB and under no circumstances is he to pick her up unless it had been prearranged with me, and they were fine with that (he is on the BC). 
I suggest going to Citizens advice. If he is violent no sensible person is going to grant him unsupervised access, if he threatens you, tell him you will go to court (and mean it!). If you have family nearby I suggest making a plan for if he does come over and try to take Noah so someone can be there, quickly, to help you. 
It might be hard to stomach, but I'd also meet up with his girlfriend, a. to show willing to compromise and b. to have a nosy at her...


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## sophxx

annawrigley said:


> :nope: How is he allowed to just take him when he's never had him a day in his life? I put him on the BC because I dont want to lie about who his dad is, I know who he is so I put him on, not to have to deal with this shit :growlmad:

Because when you put him on the certificate you gave him 50 per cent if the parental rights in the eyes of the law it's rubbish but that's how it works that's why I advise going to a solicitor and having a residency order put in your name as that will remove his rights then if he did take him the police would act straight away x


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## annawrigley

sophxx said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> :nope: How is he allowed to just take him when he's never had him a day in his life? I put him on the BC because I dont want to lie about who his dad is, I know who he is so I put him on, not to have to deal with this shit :growlmad:
> 
> Because when you put him on the certificate you gave him 50 per cent if the parental rights in the eyes of the law it's rubbish but that's how it works that's why I advise going to a solicitor and having a residency order put in your name as that will remove his rights then if he did take him the police would act straight away xClick to expand...

Will he be informed if I do that? X


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## lou_w34

Yes he will be advised if you put a residency order in im afraid, as he will need to be told to have a chance to contest it. But it would be highly unlikely that he would be granted residency, especially since LO has speant every day of his life with you, youd have to be prooven unfit for it too happen.

As for nursery, ive been told, that if he is on the BC, and they no who he is (as in they have seen him, no that he is LO's father) then they have no rights what so ever to stop him taking LO. Nurserys can only stop someone taking a child when they dont no who that person is. Its the same with schools, if a parent went to go pick a child up, the school can not legally stop them, as they are the parent.

I would deffinatley go and see a solicitor, you will get much better advice from them.

It really pisses me off that FOBs want to suddenly play the doting father when a new GF comes on the scene. Grrrr

xx


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## sophxx

Yeh as Lou said he would be informed but it would be hard for him to take it away from you espicalky if he's violent towards you
That's not to say he might not get visitation of a hour a week but that could be in a contact centre but it will mean he can't take Noah and refuse to give him back which he can do at the mo. Good luck with it all x


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## Louiseandbump

This really scares me. I hope it all works out for you x


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## TattiesMum

Anna :hugs:

The bottom line is that he's trying to bully you into doing what he wants ... he doesn't want Noah full time - it would crimp his lifestyle too much, so the only time he is likely to try anything on is going to be when he is drunk/high - in which case the police will have no problem with removing him.

Stand your ground Hon ... you can insist on Noah only seeing FOB whilst supervised ... if he comes to try and take Noah from you then you call the Police immediately and they *will* come. Yes, he's on Noah's birth certificate but that doesn't give him the right to effectively kidnap him, put him at risk or to threaten you :hugs:

If he is serious about getting unsupervised access then he will take you to court ... Kaylum's FOB tried this a couple of months ago and hasn't been heard of since I wrote a letter (in Tattie's name) agreeing to supervised access on the terms that he committed to a regular schedule, had regular drugs tests and obtained a psychiatric report saying he was not a danger to either Kaylum or the supervisor (he gets disability benefit on the grounds of being psychotic). funnily enough the only thing she's heard since is a letter from his solicitor saying that they had not heard from him LOL


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## sophxx

The place would vine if you rang them but of he took him and refused to give him back try wouldn't e able to get Noah for you as he's got the same rights as you it would have to go through court which can take a few weeks


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## bubble1990

Going solely on what he's done and his police record he hasn't got a leg to stand on!


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## annawrigley

Conflicting advice lol, well hopefully he wont try anything. I keep my door bolted just in case he's out and drunk :coffee: I live really close to town so he sees it as convenient to come and harrass me. Scary thought that his rights are the same as mine though :shock: Rights should be earned...
Thanks everyone x


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## WhiteGeisha

Ok, I will tell you what I know from my meeting with a solicitor.

Although in your case he is on the BC, he would have to prove he's earnt the parental rights the BC gives him to a judge in court if you contest that he hasn't been there. So he has to state everything he has done to be a good dad....in his case nothing.

He would probably be granted contact, but there is no way that will be allowed with is girlfriend. If they stayed together for a year or two only then if they went back to court would a judge maybe give them access away from you but your LO would be much older by then, at 4 I would say. 

No overnight access either "for a long time yet" was what my solicitor told me....probably at least 3/4 yrs old.

All parental rights means is he can have a say in schools, medical treatment etc. If he hasn't done nothing for your son and you can beyond doubt prove that then he will be given no more rights than someone who isn't on the BC.

My ex threatened me with court and solicitors. I think he thought he would scare me into giving in to his demands. When he found out i'd seen a solicitor he soon backed down and that's because I know he was told by his solicitor he would have more chance of trying to sort it out with me than going through court. We managed to sort it but he's just effed it up again so I don't know where this will leave us now. 

You have every right to stipulate visitation at your house with you present at what times suit you and your LO. I do and that's not going to change until LO is at least 4. x


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## littlekitten8

You need to seek legal advice. If he has a history of violence against you and the police have been involved you can get an injunction against him which would mean he couldn't come within a certain distance of you without being arrested and thrown in jail for breaking the injunction. I would certainly give the police a heads up that he is harrassing you and get a warning put on your address so that if you call they know its urgent and will send someone immediately. I would definitely get a solicitor. If you are on low income you are entitled to legal aid and therefore free legal representation. Good luck x


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## sophxx

hope he leaves you alone hun i would still see a solcitor even if its just to get supervised vists my friends fob took there lo recentley and she had to fight the courts to get her back it took three weeks and the olice wasnt intrested that might be a exterme case and the police but it does happen so best to be prepared x


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