# FOB passed away



## AshOllie

I really don't know where to start. I have been thinking about making a post for a while, I write something out and then delete it. I just can't seem to put what I want to say down in the right words. I have already edited this post about 50 times. It happened just over a month ago, he crashed his car driving home from work. He just lost control of the car. I haven't got my head round how it happened as there was no reason for him to crash. It was just his car, he hit a tree. They say the impact would have... I hope he didn't know and didn't have those awful last moments. I feel awful looking back on the posts I made that were negative about him. He wasn't really ever there for me or Oliver but I really left like he had been trying lately. I know we weren't together but I really do feel, strange. Slightly empty. I had lived without him for a few months but I have never actually lived without him texting or calling me at least once a week. It is strange to know he is not on the other end of the phone line. In fact a day after his funeral I called his moblie (he was laid to rest with it) just to check he didn't suddenly wake up. Silly but I actually believed it was a possiblity.
The one thing that makes me cry so many tears is to know that Ollie will never remember his Dad. The thought, it's hard. I could never imagine not knowing my Dad. I just can't put into words how upset I am for him. All the things he will miss out on. All the things FOB will miss out on. Every little thing Ollie does I feel guilty that FOB won't know. Everytime he laughs I feel bad that his little boy can be so oblivious and happy without him. 

I guess I am writing this to just to put my thoughts down, this is the first time I am actually writing what I feel and am not just saying "I'm fine". Maybe I want advice, advice on how to raise a child without the Father. I know the grief will pass and I am getting better each day coping with it. But actually I think I just want a hug and for someone to look into my future and say it gets easier and he doesn't ask questions and it all works out. Unlikely...


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## netty

I'm so sorry :hugs:

wish i knew what to say to help

just because you were no longer together does not mean you have no feelings for him :cry:

Do you have photos and belongings to save in a memory box for Ollie?


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## Vickie

:hugs: No advice but I am very sorry for your loss


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## v2007

Oh sweetie, i am so sorry. 

:hugs:

I wish i knew how to make it all better for you. 

Millions of :hugs:

V xxx


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## AshOllie

netty said:


> I'm so sorry :hugs:
> 
> wish i knew what to say to help
> 
> just because you were no longer together does not mean you have no feelings for him :cry:
> 
> *Do you have photos and belongings to save in a memory box for Ollie*?

I am going to make one I just haven't yet. His parents haven't touched his room but said I could have a look at his things and choose what I want for Ollie. I haven't wanted to do it yet though.


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## Chocciebutton

I am so sorry to hear this, I am married and my husband had a major cancer operation last June, they recently thought it had come back and luckily it hadnt, but I do live in fear of the worst and that my unborn baby may not have long with him after he is born.....hopefully he will have many years. We dont know what is around the corner, even though you were not together as a couple, you still had something special in the fact that you had a child together. I hope you find the strength to cope and you will be a great mum no matter what. My personal feeling is that it probably will be easier on your child where they are still so young, it would have been more heartbreaking for you I think had your child been say 3 or 4 and could ask questions. :hugs:


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## billy2mm

im so so sorry for your loss. yes you werent together but you were both a huge part of each others lives.

dont feel guilty for making those posts. he probably deserved them at the time!

i think the memory box is a good idea. maybe even put a pic up of him in lo's room so he can see the face and talk about him. tell him his daddy loved him and is looking over him and wishes he could be playing with him.


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## Fisherwoman

Am so sorry for your loss.

Have you got any local support groups that deal with grief? Also your health visitor may be able to help and put you onto someone who will support you.

Although I haven't been through what you have I am online a lot in the evenings so pm me if you want a chat and a shoulder to cry on.

With love x x x


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## Mumof42009

So sorry, don't be hard on yourself for making posts about him in the past xx


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## rjb

this breaks my heart.
i can't even imagine what i'd do in your situation.
i'm so sorry this happened to you.
things like this.. they just shouldn't happen.
:hugs:


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## Weeplin

I'm sorry hon :hugs:


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## morri

I am sorry that your fob died. :(. My birth sisters fiance died in a car accident as well which was before his son was born.


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## Joyzerelly

Aww I'm so sorry... Bless you and your little boy. *hugs*


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## Mize1982

I am so sorry for your loss, it is totally understandable that u are greiving, no u weren't together but as others have said you have the conection with ur child. 

If you ever need to talk please pm me. I may not have the words to make it ok but I am always here to listern x


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## J_Odhran

I am so sorry for your loss :hugs: I hope you find the strength to get through this, your little boy will get you through the darker days, much love xxx


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## mumslilmonkey

I am so sorry for your loss. The FOB Passed away 3 months ago so i know how you feel in not wanting to talk about it. Its so hard for me too!.
Just remember the good times.


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## callumsmummy

so sory to heart that hunny
big hugs 
pm me if u need to talk xx


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## DanielleM

Ah this is still so raw for you, it will take time and many emotions to get your head around the whole situation and you are not just grieving for yourself, you are also grieving for your son, the fact that he has lost his dad and you know that at some point in the future you will have to explain all of this to little Ollie!!

I don't have any experience with this really but my mum and dad got divorced then a few months later my dad passed away and my mum found it very difficult to grieve as she had been with him for 25 years but things had turned so sour in the end, but she still loved him, it is so difficult.

I would suggest when you are ready to talk to either a family member, or friend, or just write down all of your feelings on here, it is definatley better to get it all out and not bottling it up.

I hope this helps xx


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## LaDY

So sorry for your loss hun...cant imagine what you have been going through :hugs: xx


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## frankyzw

:hugs:


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## DivaSatanica

So sorry to hear this :(


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## Groovychick

:hug:


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## Bartness

sorry for your loss. *Hugs*

My cousins husband died in a tragic snowmobile accident three days before Christmas, their son, Bentlee, was born 7 days after her husband died.


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## ilvmylbug

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Please don't ever blame yourself for the past things you have thought or said about him. Everyone's relationships have ups and downs and no one's is perfect. :hugs:


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## MiissDior

*



Im so sorry for you and your lil mans loss..
I really wish i could offer you advise xx*​


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## xJG30

Sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## tallybee

:hug:
Hon I am so sorry to hear you're going through this. What a mess of feelings ...

My son's bio dad died of cancer when my son was 3, we'd split when he was a baby. He'd not been there for T and had been really nasty actually, not a positive influence at all, but when he died I was a mess. Every emotion I felt I picked apart and hated myself for. 

Talking to my son about it was hard. He was so confused, he barely knew his 'dad' anyway but it still affected him. I managed to find a placement for him on a childrens' bereavement thing, he got a weekly session and made a memory box and things which he still has in his room. 

All I can say hon is it will get easier though it'll still be there. It sounds like you are on good terms with his folks, which is very positive. G's parents have been fantastic and their support has been a lifeline. 

Please try not to beat yourself up for feeling how you do... I know it's hard but you need to allow your feelings space or you bottle it up and it'll come out worse. You are bound to feel all sorts of emotions as the situation was complicated :hugs:

ANyway I don't know how much help I can be other than to say I know how messed up I felt back when I was in a similar position (3.5 years ago) so just want to send you :hugs: 

Do feel free to pm me if you need a chat x


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