# Fetus dead at 10 weeks, haven't miscarried yet, what to do?



## LetsDoIt

My fiance and I became pregnant, unplanned while I was on the pill. Neither of us wanted kids. However we both became overjoyed and were so excited for this "miracle" baby.

:(

I started spotting on Thursday. Not a lot of blood, just when I wiped. No cramping. My friend was having the same spotting. I was worried, terrified, but somehow I felt I couldn't lose this baby, if I did what was the whole point in getting pregnant? Why would fate do that to us? It would just be too cruel.

I went for an US yesterday and there was the sac and a tiny blot but no baby. I broke down. I'm not sure what we will do now, I was on medication for my arthritis and I went off once I found out I was pregnant. Now that I have been off the meds for over a month my pain is coming back. 

Either we try for another baby soon and I stay off the meds or I get back on the meds and he gets a vasectomy. I am so lost.

I'm sure my doctor is going to recommend a D and C. I want to wait and see if I pass it on my own. How long should I give myself to wait? I obviously don't want an infection but I am just not up for the D and C right now, I feel shattered. :(


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## Neversaynever

Firstly...sorry for your loss :hugs:

My first MC back in February was at 11+5 and there was no baby..just a very large yolk and 9week gestation sac. 

I had a bleed on the Wed evening and passed most of everything during four hours early Sunday morning. It was painful, felt like contractions as they would come every three minutes and last for a minute. I was booked in for an ERPC on the Monday and as ibwas still bleeding heavy, they did it to be sure. 

This time, there was a baby. I should have been 11 weeks today but some bleeding on Sunday led to a scan yesterday that showed baby stopped growing at 8+5 and I opted for the ERPC and had it done yesterday afternoon. Physically the pain is no where near as bad, barely any blood and I can move forward quicker. 

If you want to ask anything else...feel free

Go easy on yourself, it's a horrible and cruel thing to happen :hugs:

XxX


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## LetsDoIt

Neversaynever said:


> Firstly...sorry for your loss :hugs:
> 
> My first MC back in February was at 11+5 and there was no baby..just a very large yolk and 9week gestation sac.
> 
> I had a bleed on the Wed evening and passed most of everything during four hours early Sunday morning. It was painful, felt like contractions as they would come every three minutes and last for a minute. I was booked in for an ERPC on the Monday and as ibwas still bleeding heavy, they did it to be sure.
> 
> This time, there was a baby. I should have been 11 weeks today but some bleeding on Sunday led to a scan yesterday that showed baby stopped growing at 8+5 and I opted for the ERPC and had it done yesterday afternoon. Physically the pain is no where near as bad, barely any blood and I can move forward quicker.
> 
> If you want to ask anything else...feel free
> 
> Go easy on yourself, it's a horrible and cruel thing to happen :hugs:
> 
> XxX


I'm so sorry for both your losses :( I've suffered a miscarriage before too but it was very early on and I don't remember much discomfort and only a bit of tissue. To tell the truth the first time I miscarried I was single and terrified to raise a baby on my own so it wasn't the heartbreak that this one is.

Your comment is very helpful, I did not even think of it like that... letting nature take its course might really hurt... doing the D and C might end up being less traumatic. I am at a loss as to what to do. I know I am not ready for the D and C yet, I can't stop crying whenever I think about it.

What exactly do they do during the procedure? Some kind of drug to loosen the cervix?

Big hugs to you, I am so sorry you are going through this.


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## KateC

Hi hon.

I am so sorry you're going through this. 

I had a blighted ovum and I tried waiting to miscarry naturally. I had NO idea how long it can take. I spotted on and off for about five weeks before I decided to get the D&C. I have a friend who waited it out entirely -- it took her months. 

Why not ask your doctor to wait a week and reassess? That way, if you need some time to think about it, you can give yourself a little time and maybe it will happen on its own. And if you decide to get the D&C, then a week's delay is probably not enough to put you at increased risk of infection (though you can ask your doc about this).

There's no clear "right" answer here. You have to do what you're comfortable with but also what makes the most sense for your reproductive and emotional health. The waiting is long and can be very hard, but some women prefer that to surgery. Each has its risks and each has its benefits. You can always take a few days to think about it more and process a little before making up your mind. 

Good luck. I'm sorry you're in this situation.


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## Kanga86

I had a natural mc 8 weeks ago, and I still have pregnancy tissue remaining behind. Hoping to hear from the epau tomorrow as to whether or not they are eventually allowing me to have a dnc. 

So if I had a choice I would chose a dnc over natural, just for peace of mind and emotional stability. Like mated said don't rush into if ur not ready. So sorry for ur loss :hugs: xx


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## KateC

PS: you asked "what do they do" for the D&C, here's what they do, and here's how I experienced it: 

What they do: 
They put you under general (usually), then take you to the OR and put you in stirrups like at the GYN office. The OB uses a speculum to open your vagina and see in, then she'll use a set of progressively bigger dilators (like knitting needles that get thicker and thicker) to stretch the cervix so that she can gain access to the uterus. Once that is done, the only step left is to clear out all the lining on the walls of the uterus, and to take away that empty sack and any placental tissue that might be there. Some docs use a suction device while others just basically scoop it out. It's basically going in and doing for your body what it normally does naturally when you have your period every month. 

I know that sounds scary, but here's what it feels like as the patient: 

My experience of D&C
I showed up to the hospital early, without having any food or drink since the night before. The nurses and doctor talked to me and I signed some forms. The nurses were VERY kind and considerate about my situation. The procedure is in the labor and delivery wing, so they made sure I didn't see or hear anything that might have been sad for me at that moment. They made me comfy in bed and inserted an IV in my arm. The IV was the most painful part of the process because it was a little harder to place than usual as I was dehydrated from fasting. Then an anesthesiologist came in and started giving me drugs. First, a shot into the IV of something to take the edge off of the anxiety. Next, the drugs that put me out. The next thing I remember, I was chatting with the anesthesiologist as though I was drunk -- totally without inhibitions. I felt really good and was telling her all my opinions on parenting. (lol!)

The recovery wasn't that bad. I needed help looking after my baby the day of my D&C because I couldn't lift her up. I was crampy and had to take it easy, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. I didn't take any pain med that day, but I did rest. The second day, I tried to go to work but had to come home because being on my feet all day wasn't going to happen. I was tired and crampy, but it was okay. I took one dose of pain med that night to sleep. THe third day, we had a snow day, and I was happy to be home. By the fourth day, I felt very much myself again. 

I recommend three days off of work and to take pain meds if you need them, but I really thought the procedure was a breeze. MUCH easier than I was expecting. And after waiting for a month... the D&C was actually a healing process for me. My miscarriage was finally over. It had dragged on so long. There was a lot of comfort in that.

I wish you healing and comfort, too, no matter which option you choose.


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## Neversaynever

An hour before the procedure, they insert two maybe more tablets that they put behind your cervix to soften it. I had increased period type pain but nothing else.

Don't feel guilty because the baby wasn't planned..I imagine it was more Han wanted and loved :hugs:

XxX


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## LetsDoIt

Thank you all. That especially helped to hear of your experience with the D and C. I am terrified of IV's (I know, silly) so I will give it another week or so before deciding. I am so wishing it just goes on its own but from reading about others experiences I guess that is not always the case. You are all very right, the sooner I get it "over with" the sooner I can start healing. I find it helpful just not to think about it at this point. I don't think of it as a baby anymore. I don't allow myself to think about much. It hurts. 

I don't think we are going to try again. I am looking into fostering and adopting instead. But of course it is still early. My friends doc told her to wait 6 months before trying again.

My best friend had a miscarriage too. We found out on the same day. We are both waiting to expel the contents. It is nice to experience this pain with someone else but it really makes me wonder... why?? Why both of us? Perhaps something environmental because she has a healthy one year old. 

Hugs to all of you, I'm so sorry we are all going (or have gone) through this.


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## Neversaynever

I'm sorry you feel that way :hugs:

All I will say is not to make any rash decisions. You need time to accept and deal with your emotions. 

It's hard trying to find the reason why we have lost our babies but sadly...we don't always get an answer. 

Look after yourself and be kind to yourself too :hugs:

XxX


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## Andypanda6570

I am so very sorry you are going through this.
XOXOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## seb89

I would say don't have your partner get a vasectomy just incase one day you decide you know what we want to try again... but there are tons of kids who need parents so adoption could be awesome :) but since this is all so fresh I wouldn't want to take any of my options for the future off the table you know? I am going through a miscarriage myself and its the worst thing imaginable but I do want to try again because there is something so awesome about having a baby that you and your partner created together.


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## tu123

Hi hun. I am sorry you are going through this painful process:cry:

As others have said already every woman is different and every miscarriage is different. I have had 6 now. I have had a D and C before, and whist i hated the day itself; the clinical atmosphere, it was over and done with which allowed me to move on quicker.

I have also waited it out. It has taken a few days and then awful pain but it has also taken weeks with no pain.

With my last i waited 8 weeks! And you know what? I thoroughly regret it. Because now i am still spotting and having to take hormone pills to stop it which i making me feel like a crazy woman. I found out 20th May and here i am still bleeding.

BUT, i have had no pain at all! This one should have been the worst as i was almost 16 weeks but not once have i had pain.

So you see. No one knows how you will experience the MC if you let nature take it's course.

I am biased right now but if you want to move on quicker and avoid the risk of weeks of bleeding, positive pregnancy tests, etc, i would get a D and C:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## EllaAndLyla

so sorry for your loss xxxx
It isn't easy to have to go through this kind of thing.. Dont feel that you are alone, me and many others on here know exactly how you feel and are here to talk whenever you need to.
xxxxxxx


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## bernerdbutt

Your story sounds so much like mine. My husband and I were trying not to. But, when we got pregnant I figured it must be fate. This morning we found out our baby stopped growing at 6 weeks..it should have been 9+4. 

I have been having pregnancy symptoms raging the whole time. It's like a cruel joke. What is the point of getting this surprise miracle baby only to have it taken away. 

I go to the doctor tomorrow. I have been having horrible nightmares of a D+C procedure and I really dread hearing that as the answer. It helps reading you ladies share your experiences, though.

I hope you have a support system of people to listen to you and bake for you or whatever you need. 

I am so sorry for your loss.


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