# DH doesn't want to BD.....



## jomax

well i'm hitting my fertile window but DH has decided that he is too tired tonight. am i so angry because i knew he'd do this. he is never interested in :sex: so i don't bother with the rest of the month but he has promised we will TTC when we need to (eg like now) and once again he has let me down.

sorry i'm ranting but i'm so upset. i'm starting to wonder whether i should bother because i'm finding the whole thing too stressful now.:cry:


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## Jolinar

You know I think some men get performance anxiety if you tell them you're ovulating, so don't tell him, just plan random seductions throughout the month to keep him guessing ;) Oh and get him after a good nights sleep in the morning, they tend to be er...more amenable then ;)

:hugs:


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## ArticBaby

There has been times where my dh was to tired. Sometimes during my fertile window too. I never tell him im ovulating, im afarid that would put pressure on him or anxiety. I just wink at him :winkwink:, or say "your in the mood"?

I know ttc is hard. Both of us work and trying to :sex: at the right time is almost trying to find a needle in a haystack :wacko:


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## jomax

Hi Ladies - thanks for your comments. its such a rollercoaster of emotions. i really don't want to pressurise him at all because i want it to be fun but when you're waiting around for the best time it sort of builds up into this big obstacle!

but on a more positive note we :sex: last night. wahey!!! I think he felt guilty bless him (but i feel guilty too because of the way i reacted!). i have promised myself that i will not get upset again.....

thanks again :)


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## twinkle1975

It really does make you crazy doesn't it? I''m suffering with a really annoying chesty cough at the mo but was still determined to DTD last night so ended up sucking throat sweets to stave off the racking coughs & telling DH not to 'hold back' - bless him for still being up for it - I must have looked SOOO attractive!


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## mumoffive

I agree, dont tell him. It feels a bit odd dtd in a way as it can sometimes be like you are just doing it to get pregnant [which of course you are..but it spoils the mood hee hee!!]
My dh is the opposite. He would be up for it ALL the time!!...and im tired of it!! I just want my bfp so i dont need to bother with it!! - er..dont tell him that though! x


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## jomax

mumoffive said:


> I agree, dont tell him. It feels a bit odd dtd in a way as it can sometimes be like you are just doing it to get pregnant [which of course you are..but it spoils the mood hee hee!!]
> My dh is the opposite. He would be up for it ALL the time!!...and im tired of it!! I just want my bfp so i dont need to bother with it!! - er..dont tell him that though! x

I won't! thanks :happydance:


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## Sparky67

Hmmm... mine is loving this trying lark again - he's up for doing it twice a day if I'd let him... he's definately enjoying "having" to BD a lot more often than we usually do (it didn't help that my chart was really unclear when I OV'd so we ended up having a very long window!)


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## Deb111

jomax said:


> well i'm hitting my fertile window but DH has decided that he is too tired tonight. am i so angry because i knew he'd do this. he is never interested in :sex: so i don't bother with the rest of the month but he has promised we will TTC when we need to (eg like now) and once again he has let me down.
> 
> sorry i'm ranting but i'm so upset. i'm starting to wonder whether i should bother because i'm finding the whole thing too stressful now.:cry:

I know exactly how you feel. My hubby has underactive thyroid and we now know, low testosterone, but he's not really interested and always too tired. It really upsets me. He's now been dianosed with azoospermia and now we're waiting for SSR op and then hopefully ICSI, but now he feels there's no point in :sex: :growlmad: Not a thing since we found out over 3 months ago.

I don't really have any advice, but I know EXACTLY where you're coming from and wish you luck hun. If you ever need a rant feel free to PM me xx


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## Mommy's Angel

I agree, it could be performance anxiety. Some men also wonder if maybe their sperm is causing the fertility issues and are afraid to move forward to get tested. My opinion, Wait a bit, and seduce him. Make it fun and sexy for him then see. Also, I wouldn't tell him your ovulating either. For men, it's about the playful visual side. I'm sure they love babies.....but it's not so sexy when you have to "schedule" plain ol sex. For some, they feel as though their wanted just for the baby making and avoid it altogether. 

I have PCOS and rarely did I ever get a moment I "felt" like making love. Now he's on top of it and as someone else said, would take it as much as he could. :lol: Today I got the trigger shot and all the man will have to do is provide his semen sample. :rofl: I'm sure he found joy in me getting a shot in the bum! 

Hoping you both find that happy medium you both need to make that baby soon dear friend!


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## jomax

Deb111 said:


> jomax said:
> 
> 
> well i'm hitting my fertile window but DH has decided that he is too tired tonight. am i so angry because i knew he'd do this. he is never interested in :sex: so i don't bother with the rest of the month but he has promised we will TTC when we need to (eg like now) and once again he has let me down.
> 
> sorry i'm ranting but i'm so upset. i'm starting to wonder whether i should bother because i'm finding the whole thing too stressful now.:cry:
> 
> I know exactly how you feel. My hubby has underactive thyroid and we now know, low testosterone, but he's not really interested and always too tired. It really upsets me. He's now been dianosed with azoospermia and now we're waiting for SSR op and then hopefully ICSI, but now he feels there's no point in :sex: :growlmad: Not a thing since we found out over 3 months ago.
> 
> I don't really have any advice, but I know EXACTLY where you're coming from and wish you luck hun. If you ever need a rant feel free to PM me xxClick to expand...

thanks deb. it's good to know i'm not alone although obviously i feel for everyone who is TTC as its so hard (well for some of us). baby dust to you xx


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## wannabemum123

Can't you tell him that you will do all the work Lol.


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## wontgiveup

jomax said:


> well i'm hitting my fertile window but DH has decided that he is too tired tonight. am i so angry because i knew he'd do this. he is never interested in :sex: so i don't bother with the rest of the month but he has promised we will TTC when we need to (eg like now) and once again he has let me down.
> 
> sorry i'm ranting but i'm so upset. i'm starting to wonder whether i should bother because i'm finding the whole thing too stressful now.:cry:

I know this is a old post but Im going through this same Crap right now, how do we deal with it.. Im loosing my cool.


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## Zeri

I'm in the same boat too. DH is 44 and has low testosterone, I think, so he's rarely in the mood. I don't tell him when I"m O'ing, but when I try to seduce him he'll say "I'm not in the mood", or "I'm too tired". It's really hard to hear those words when you're trying to conceive, especially when you know you're fertile and just need those spermies in order to get pregnant. Sigh! I so feel for you. I don't know what the answer is, except that some ladies on here have had success with giving their OH"s supplements like l'arginine and maca to boost the sex drive.


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## alison29

I know the feeling..You are not a lone. I do try to make an effort even when i am not ovulating so he doesn't come up with "all you want is my sp-rm. Which of course is kind of true so easy to get deffensive. What i want to say is no i want your paycheck too :) which is anohter thing he is sensitive about.


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## Briss

I feel your pain ladies, same here - DH has low sperm count probably caused by low testosterone from excessive beer drinking&#8230; I have tried everything, seduction just does not work whatever I do he does not seem to get excited by it. We do manage to BD during the fertile period but it's always a struggle (last time it took 3 hours to get him "ready" and willing by which time I was totally exhausted and did not feel like BD, still did though). I am not sure how helpful this type of BD is when man does not really want to, probably has effect on his sperm count too. This cycle I tried increasing his intake of l'arginine and maca to 1500 but it did not have any effect. there might be some deeper issues here like he is growing resentful of me because I am always on about our infertility and he would just prefer to ignore it or maybe because I force him to BD while he does not want to, I do not know but it's just getting worse and I do not see a way out


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## alison29

My dh drinks too much too but last go round (5 years ago) his swimmers were fine. I feel for you with the lack of sex drive after drinking or if it's there sometimes can't finish argh!
He actually started on enzyte a couple times a week before weekend and it really helps keep up (not wanting ot be gross here) Enzyte is an herbal supplement at walmart likely on line too it really makes a difference he says so much more blood flow all the tiem.


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## Briss

what is enzyte? is it like viagra?


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## threebirds

Hi ladies
For those all important ov days where one or both of us doesnt feel like it, or DH feels under pressure we just use oral syringe and home insemination. Takes pressure off & gets swimmers where they need to be (preseed useful too).
Not telling him when im oving doesnt really wrk for us coz we might end up with no bd then & in any case after nearly 3yrs of serious ttc he has a good idea of my cycles!

Good luck x :dust:


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## notrustyyet

The month I got pregnant after trying consistently for 1 1/2 years, we had sex only 3x. The day before O, the day of, skipped a day then once more. That last day was probably not necessary.

It was getting hard trying to do things like SMEP (sperm meets egg plan), I think we ended up starting way too early, I would notice a slippery/wet sensation on day cd 8 or 9, and we started then...I think by the time I O'd, usually cd 13 or 14, DH, who is 53 BTW, would be pretty "drained". 

The month of my BFP, DH had been saving it up for about 4 days, and he had a lot to deliver if you know what I mean. In the past, we wasted those big ones too early in the process. 
Also, I never thought I'd say this but thank God for internet porn. This might be hard for some of you, but to make things more convenient for him I'd allow him to wake me up at night whenever he was ready. He only did this on nights when we HAD to DTD. He's a night owl, and usually masturbates before bed as it makes him sleep or whatever???, but his bedtime was totally not in sync w/mine) but I would just run into bathroom when he woke me up, squirt a little preseed in (he didn't know, don't use too much, 1" in applicator is good enough).

Our TTC sex has been the worst sex ever as I'm sure you all can relate. We haven't had sex since I found out I was pregnant either. He's deathly afraid of MC esp 1st tri, but that has just passed, so maybe he will relax a bit. I'm sure he dreads going back to square 1, TTC sex again if something happened.... Just had an ultrasound of baby as part of 1st Tri screen, and my ovaries looked pretty empty!


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## Briss

Congratulations, H&H 9 months (well what's left of them), very inspiring 

the problem with my Dh is that we never have sex and he does not masturbate either, so we have 0-1 sessions in TWW and 2-3 BD sessions during my fertile days so what happens is that when it comes to BD before O his sperms have been sitting there for 2-3 weeks (not 4 days like yours) so I guess it's just not a good quality of sperm (on top of the fact that he has low sperm count). it all seems hopeless 

porn does help but again, it seems like I have to almost force him to look through magazines &#8230;


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## notrustyyet

There is much more debauchery available on the internet...(so I'm told lol) maybe more of a selection to peak his interest vs magazines? Your hubby is much younger than mine, I understand everyone has an individual drive, but like someone else said maybe his testosterone is low??? I think it's pretty unusual for a guy not to masturbate. I did read somewhere that sperm production does go way down if no activity for more than 1 week. So his body is probably just starting to build up again when your window is over....

Another thing, my DH started when things weren't happening in the baby making dept. decided to get himself into better shape, started lifting weights at home again that had been collecting dust. Let me tell you, the erections/sex he had post workout were way better than usual, and guess what, Testosterone levels rise right after a weight lifting session. Don't get wrong idea, my DH is just an average guy, not a muscle bound gym buff or anything, he just added maybe 15-20 minutes a few times a week, did some push ups etc and it helped his ego too to get in better shape.


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## Briss

I also think his testosterone is low so i am giving him supplements for this, also he started exercising too which I hope will help. although after a short weight lifting session he is so exhausted that he does not feel like BD :)

I am surprised myself that he does not masturbate, he is not religious or anything so I guess it's just lack of sex drive


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## Zeri

Briss said:


> Congratulations, H&H 9 months (well what's left of them), very inspiring
> 
> the problem with my Dh is that we never have sex and he does not masturbate either, so we have 0-1 sessions in TWW and 2-3 BD sessions during my fertile days so what happens is that when it comes to BD before O his sperms have been sitting there for 2-3 weeks (not 4 days like yours) so I guess it's just not a good quality of sperm (on top of the fact that he has low sperm count). it all seems hopeless
> 
> porn does help but again, it seems like I have to almost force him to look through magazines

To get rid of the stale swimmers, how about having one BD session a few days away from O, then the other 2 sessions in the fertile window?


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## Briss

he is not up for any BD unless I make it clear that this is the day. I guess there only way to get his sperm moving outside my fertile window is for me to give him a blow job now and again, not my favorite thing but if it gets me where I want to be in the end it is all worth it


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## Suzy_Q

I was going to suggest the bj a few days before your fertile window. My OH loves them and in a pinch, I've been known to use the "baby batter" via softcups. He even suggests that I may not have gotten all the broken bad sperm out of his system and should try again soon  If he's willing to make the contribution, I need to be willing to help him along as best I can!


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