# Sharing My Story



## larudy13

*SO I would like to share my life story, as I really have never told anything except my boyfriend, and being adopted myself I know how it can effect one's life in negative, and positive ways.
I am in NO WAY trying to offend anyone, nor am I trying to influence anyone's decision, I personally believe that choosing to give your child a life that you can not provide for them is the most beautiful, responsible, and difficult decision one could ever make. I will try to explain things clearly, sorry if I jump around a bit. *

I started out this life as one of 5 children. I have 3 older siblings and one younger sibling. Since growing older, I now am one of 9 siblings. Only one of my siblings share the same biological father and mother as me. 
I once saw a video of my biological mother before I was born, she was so beautiful with my oldest sister and brother. She was such a good person, had such a good heart, and was such a great mother. What had happened to my mother is she was abused, she got in with wrong men and they abused her emotionally and physically. She developed severe bipolar disorder, and multiple personalities. This had all started before I was born. My oldest sister was the first sibling to be adopted. She was adopted by her biological father because my mother could not afford to pay child support to him when they divorced. I think the divorce was the start of her emotional instability. I never met my oldest sister until this past year. 
My mother started dating again, this is when she became pregnant with my sister who is only 1 year older than myself(her name is Leslie) I think my sister Leslie had the worst beginning to life, when she was little one of my mother's boyfriend abused her, my mother was clueless because she had started drinking a lot and doing drugs. Her boyfriend at the time (lets just call him Bill) left my mother, 2 kids and struggling to keep a place to live. Then she met my biological father, his name is Paul. My mother was around 29 and Paul was 18. They got married, and my mother was clean when she fell pregnant with me. My father did not make the best life choices, at one point in time when my mother was pregnant with me, he had pushed her and hit her in the head with a telephone. After being clean for majority of her pregnancy, she fell back into harder drugs when I was born. She was smoking crystal meth.
My younger brother and I who share the same father and mother are what they call "Irish twins" He was born 11 months after me.
By the time my younger brother was born, my mother was heavy into drugs and my father was in prison for trying to sell drugs.

This is where I started being fostered. I was about 18 months old, and my mother had went to a crack house and left me and my siblings at a hotel with a 16 year old. After 3 days, finally the girl called the police. My foster parents(who eventually adopt me) came to get me and I stayed with them until I was about 2 1/2 years old. All of my other siblings were sent off to different families. When I hit 2 1/2 the state had told my adoptive parents that I had to go back with my biological mother because she was clean now. I went back to live with her for almost a year. My adoptive mother said in one whole year I didn't gain not one pound. 
Finally after being neglected again and after a lot of fighting with the courts, my adoptive family got me back. I had to have visits with my biological mother. 

When I was about 6 years old, my biological father was back in prison. I went to go visit supervised with my biological mother, and her new boyfriend Jerry. AT this visit I clearly remember meeting my baby sister. This was the last time I ever saw my biological mother.

From the time I was 3, until 6 years old my mother had not decided whether she wanted to give up custody over me. I think seeing me happy and healthy and in clean clothes that last visit really made up her mind. My biological father had lost all parental rights because he was in prison. 
My mother finally told the court that my foster parents could become my REAL parents. I still remember the day when I went to court, 7 years old and told the judge "YES! I want to stay with my parents forever" 

For the longest time I resented my biological mother, until I found out a lot of things about her. It wasn't her fault the cards life dealt her. She did the best she could considering her circumstances. Every time she would get better, someone would bring her down. Yes I know she made her own decisions, but deep inside she really was a good person, and she did the best thing for me and my siblings by giving us up to families that could take care of us. 

A few years later my biological mother and her husband Jerry died just days apart of drug overdose. I have not seen their child my younger sister, since I was 6 years old. Nor do I have any knowledge of where she is.

2 years ago, I decided to travel out of state to meet my biological father, I didn't really remember him. He didn't want me to be adopted, or my brother. 
I know now I was very lucky he was in prison when everything happened. I have a younger sister her name is Sandi, and she is so beautiful and smart for a 4 year old. Unfortunately my biological father never did learn from his mistakes and my sister is neglected emotionally, and forced to live in dirty conditions with parents who do heroin and smoke weed right in front of her. When I left from meeting him, I told him I love my sister but I never want to speak to him again, and I told him I hoped someone came and took my baby sister from him because he did not deserve such a beautiful child. I know it wasn't very nice to say, but that was how I felt at the time.

Since then, my father has gotten his girlfriend pregnant twice, two boys and has given both up to families who could not have children of their own. That I think is the most responsible decision he has ever made. 

Growing up I didn't really understand everything I had went through at a young age. I didn't really appreciate my adoptive family. They took me in, treated me with the same love and care as their biological son. They have provided me with everything I could ever need or want, made sure I have always had a roof over my head and a full fridge of food. A lot of time I would find myself crying, wondering why I couldn't have my real mother, why she didn't want me. Why didn't she want to change for me? I realized when I got a little bit older that she did love me, because if she didn't she wouldn't have given me a chance at having a better life. 

Yes she had problems, a lot of them. No, she was not the best mother. But she was a beautiful person, and in the end made the right decision for her children.

*Now I know there is a lot of reasons one could choose a better life for their child. I know that my situation was unfortunate. Even if you aren't in the same kind of rough spot my mother was in, just know that whatever the reason you are looking at adoption, it can be a positive experience. Maybe once in your child's life they will resent or think they hate you. But truthfully when they become adults they will love you, and know you tried your best, and the best thing you could have done was provide them with a better life. *

Sending all of you here best wishes in making what will be the hardest decision of your life :flower: Just think it through in the end you will know in your heart what to do.


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## Leopard

:hugs: Thank you for sharing with everyone.


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## Muck_Muck

Thanks for sharing, it sounds a little rough if you don't 
Mind me saying.. I'm so glad you can talk about and share


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