# Fat is a mean word?



## noon_child

My daughter is in reception and they are doing the 3 billy goats gruff. She came home quoting the story to me but when she got to the goats saying they want to eat the grass and grow fat, she said "we can't say fat cos it's kind of a mean word, so we say big". However there was no issue with calling the Troll "nasty". Now I'm not going to be marching in to see the head or anything but I did wonder about other people's opinions. To me "nasty" is an unambiguous mean label to put on someone whereas "fat" is only mean if you want it to be mean. I feel that by telling her it is a mean word they are inadvertently telling her it is an undesirable quality. Any thoughts?


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## caz_hills

I think fat is a mean word to be honest. If my son called someone fat id sit him down and explain that it isn't a nice word. But I don't know the whole spectrum of what they consider good or bad words! x


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## Tasha

I agree fat is a mean word. I don't know any one who would like to be described that way and I'd never let my children describe other people as fat.


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## sabby52

I have always taught my boys that fat is a mean word as is skinny, my boys are never allow to describe people by size at all.


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## Boomerslady

We use fat in this house but only because I am (no point denying it!) and I want Ben to eat healthily and have a decent fitness level so he doesn't get fat like me!!

However he knows it's a rude word and can upset people so he's not to use it aside from between me and him.


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## Natsku

Fat can be a mean word when its used to describe someone but not when its used in reference to goats eating grass to fatten up. I suppose they could say that the goats want to eat the grass to gain more weight but that's a bit of a faff really.


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## noon_child

Hmm all these answers saying fat is mean as a description, but we say Santa has a fat belly and we don't hate him, or deride his willpower, Santa is loved; and fat....

I'm not saying I'd condone my child saying "look at that fat person" but these are goats, eating their correct diet, so maybe their natural and healthy shape is on the fat side???

Just playing devils advocate really dos it interests me so much.


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## Nibblenic

Yeah I think they avoid negative words used as personal descriptors. See behavior can be nasty, things can taste nasty, its rare that a person is nasty that cant help it in some way. However children can be fat and sometimes they cant help it, due to medical problems or poor parental choices.


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## Fizzyfefe

I believe "fat" is seen as a mean word because, in our societies, it is considered to bad to be fat. Fat simply means fat. Fat does not mean ugly. Fat does not mean bad. But, it in engrained in everyone's heads that fat = bad, and therefore, it is an insulting word and shouldn't be used. I describe myself as fat because I am fat. It doesn't mean that I am being mean to myself, because it is only a description. Pigs eat to grow fat. Cows eat to fatten up. And some people are just fat, and it's all okay.


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## Natasha2605

Yeah I hate the word fat and would not like my children to be using it as a descriptive word.

We don't say santa has a fat belly, we'd say a big belly. :shrug:


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## noon_child

Nibblenic said:


> Yeah I think they avoid negative words used as personal descriptors. See behavior can be nasty, things can taste nasty, its rare that a person is nasty that cant help it in some way. However children can be fat and sometimes they cant help it, due to medical problems or poor parental choices.

But this is exactly where I don't understand their distinction. "Nasty" is being used as a personal descriptor of the Troll, not his behaviour, him.


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## minties

I've never seen a version of the story where the goats want to fatten themselves up. Interesting!

It seems to be a positive thing in the book anyway, if they want to get fat then they must be happy to do so and therefore I can't see it being nasty at all.


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## cupcake23

I wouldn't let my children use the word fat to describe someone but in Spanish you would have no problem calling someone Gordito - a cute way of saying fat/ chubby. It really depends on the culture you are in and how a word objectifies a group of people/ person.


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## kosh

Fizzyfefe said:


> *I believe "fat" is seen as a mean word because, in our societies, it is considered to bad to be fat.* Fat simply means fat. Fat does not mean ugly. Fat does not mean bad. But, it in engrained in everyone's heads that fat = bad, and therefore, it is an insulting word and shouldn't be used. I describe myself as fat because I am fat. It doesn't mean that I am being mean to myself, because it is only a description. Pigs eat to grow fat. Cows eat to fatten up. And some people are just fat, and it's all okay.

Totally agree with this. In fact many years ago and in other countries being fat was seen as a very positive feature. My grandmother would describe a man as 'fat with a large healthy belly', the reason being that if you were fat you had money to buy food! I guess that, as others have said, I would probably not like my child calling someone fat but that's mainly because of the negative meaning the word has been given. 
I def do not think that the word in itself is mean. 

I agree it is a very interesting subject!


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## Kate&Lucas

Having gone through school as a fat person, it makes sense to me that the teachers would want to ban the word before some little sod decides to use it to hurt someone. Kids don't care if they're called "nasty" - it is a pretty ambiguous word and it's one they usually use when things aren't going their way. Fat, on the other hand, is only used in the playground to directly insult the way a person looks.
A kid will get called "nasty" maybe once or twice, but a fat kid will get the insult constantly, every day. It has certain connotations, to call someone "fat" you're labelling them as "other" and ultimately the child on the receiving end comes to hear it as "not good enough".

As an adult, it's just a descriptive word and one I use for myself - as a child though, it's a big horrible word to have to carry around every single day. I've always told Lucas he won't hurt my feelings by using it but not to use it infront of others. He doesn't anyway because apparently his Dad told him it's a swear word :lol:

I mean eventually they'll just find another word to use as an insult but that's another bridge to cross, I guess.


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## noon_child

Kate&Lucas said:


> Having gone through school as a fat person, it makes sense to me that the teachers would want to ban the word before some little sod decides to use it to hurt someone. Kids don't care if they're called "nasty" - it is a pretty ambiguous word and it's one they usually use when things aren't going their way. Fat, on the other hand, is only used in the playground to directly insult the way a person looks.
> A kid will get called "nasty" maybe once or twice, but a fat kid will get the insult constantly, every day. It has certain connotations, to call someone "fat" you're labelling them as "other" and ultimately the child on the receiving end comes to hear it as "not good enough".
> 
> As an adult, it's just a descriptive word and one I use for myself - as a child though, it's a big horrible word to have to carry around every single day. I've always told Lucas he won't hurt my feelings by using it but not to use it infront of others. He doesn't anyway because apparently his Dad told him it's a swear word :lol:
> 
> I mean eventually they'll just find another word to use as an insult but that's another bridge to cross, I guess.

This is interesting. I suppose I came at it from the opposite point of view, that a small child won't see fat as negative or "other" until they are told this. I know that it seeps in from society, media, other families etc. But I thought one of the points of school was to challenge the damaging stereotypes our society perpetuates. Words aren't themselves excluding but how they are used can be. In this context, the word fat was not to exclude the goats, make them feel ashamed, or even designate them as unhealthy, it was a result of them eating their normal healthy diet of grass and was therefore their natural shape.


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## vaniilla

Fat has always been used in literature as it's a simple descriptive word, he's had the word fat in his ditty books. I think it's important to note the difference to children in using words in books and stories and using them to describe other people.


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## Natsku

When do kid start picking up words like 'fat' as a bad word? Maria shocked me yesterday when she said she didn't like her friend's stepdad (he had come round with OH) because "he's too fat". Wondering if she picked it up from her friend who is older (7).


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## minties

Thomas has used fat as an insult a couple of times this year. One of his classmates asked me why I was so far and ugly one morning, I just said I wasn't fat but pregnant.


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## Kate&Lucas

noon_child said:


> Kate&Lucas said:
> 
> 
> Having gone through school as a fat person, it makes sense to me that the teachers would want to ban the word before some little sod decides to use it to hurt someone. Kids don't care if they're called "nasty" - it is a pretty ambiguous word and it's one they usually use when things aren't going their way. Fat, on the other hand, is only used in the playground to directly insult the way a person looks.
> A kid will get called "nasty" maybe once or twice, but a fat kid will get the insult constantly, every day. It has certain connotations, to call someone "fat" you're labelling them as "other" and ultimately the child on the receiving end comes to hear it as "not good enough".
> 
> As an adult, it's just a descriptive word and one I use for myself - as a child though, it's a big horrible word to have to carry around every single day. I've always told Lucas he won't hurt my feelings by using it but not to use it infront of others. He doesn't anyway because apparently his Dad told him it's a swear word :lol:
> 
> I mean eventually they'll just find another word to use as an insult but that's another bridge to cross, I guess.
> 
> This is interesting. I suppose I came at it from the opposite point of view, that a small child won't see fat as negative or "other" until they are told this. I know that it seeps in from society, media, other families etc. But I thought one of the points of school was to challenge the damaging stereotypes our society perpetuates. Words aren't themselves excluding but how they are used can be. In this context, the word fat was not to exclude the goats, make them feel ashamed, or even designate them as unhealthy, it was a result of them eating their normal healthy diet of grass and was therefore their natural shape.Click to expand...

I imagine it's probably just easier to put a blanket ban on it. I know if I let Lucas use a word in one context but not in another he'd bombard me with questions forever :lol:


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## Quartz

I think perhaps the distinction is that if you call a child fat there is not much you can do - its a physical descriptor that is hard to change. Nasty relates to a behaviour that is far easier to change.

I do think though that children do notice differences in physical appearance and it certainly does impact on confidence so I dont think they need someone else pointing it out.


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## JesLynne

We don't use the word "fat" in this house. It's not a nice word in my opinion.


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## noon_child

Well since this "fat is a mean word" came up, my girl has on a few occasions got upset that she'll get fat if she eats cake etc. I've had to explain that she needs fat in her diet to help her brain and body grow. She's asked me why I'm not eating it sometimes and Ive had to explain that the only reason I don't have as many puddings is because I'm not growing anymore and so I might get a bit fat and if I get fat I'll have to buy new clothes which will annoy me because I like my clothes, and I'll not be able to run around after her as fast which will be less fun. I've tried to make it as little about "people will be mean to you if you get fat" as possible but I did ask if she would stop loving me if I got fat and she said "NO!" and I asked if she thought I'd stop loving her if she got fat and she said "NO!" which of course I emphatically agreed with, so I'm hoping she feels a bit better.

I have no issue with them discussing using "fat" in a mean way in relation to a story about bullying, but I knew that taken out of context my girl would get confused. She even asked why the recipe book used a mean word because it said "add the fat to the dry ingredients":dohh:


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