# Terrified of giving birth again :(



## Refinersfire

Hi Ladies! I have 3 beautiful children my first 2 labours were easy and reasonably comftable i had pethidine with both which i've found is what works for me (gas and air makes me very sick) i gave birth to my third child 5 months ago after a break of nearly 9 years and i have to say it was one of the most traumatic experiences i've been through. I know my body very well and i went into the hospital because i was in real pain, when i got to the ward there was one midwife on duty for the entire ward and it was 30 minutes before she could even get to see me. She examined me and said i was 2cms dilated and that i should go home as baby wouldn't be coming anytime soon. I was horrified and in complete agnony from the contractions but she said there was nothing she could do gave me so cocodamol and sent me off the ward. I live 4 miles from the hospital and i told my OH and my mum that there was no way in this world i was going home. I struggled back down to the cafe where i sat for an hour in so much pain rocking back and forth and completely zoned out from the world around me i was so tired and i could barely see my vision was so blured. Several people came up to my mum and sympathised with me. I was crying to my mum that i wanted an epidural which is so unlike me the thought of needles usually is enough to make me pass out. My OH said he'd had enough and went back up to the ward and demanded they take me back which they did so i had to almost crawl upstairs again because i could barely walk for the pain, thank goodness for the bars on the wall in hospitals!! I was offered a wheelchair but didn't feel i could sit down. Back on the ward it was nearly another 30 minutes before the midwife appeared and i begged her for pain relief she said there was nothing she could do until i was 4cms dilated then she examined me again and was shocked to find i was fully dilated and ready to deliver. According to my OH i screamed like a cavewoman and Willow Star was born 30 minutes later :) She's truly beautiful!! After the birth i experienced a prolapse of my virginal wall and agonising hemoroids and i suffered with flashbacks about the pain and just the total feeling i had of feeling uncared for and like no one took my pain seriously. It was almost 6 weeks until i could walk properly again and i'm still not over the birth it was truly difficult for me. I talked to my OH and honestly told him that i didn't think i could have anymore children which was hard for me to say to him as i know he wanted another (my first 2 children are from a different partner) but i truly didn't feel i could put myself through the experience again.

Sorry for the long story and i really hope i haven't frightened anyone but i wanted to give a background for the reasons i'm so scared now. 3 weeks ago i found out i'm pregnant again it was a huge huge shock for me as i'm on evra the contraceptive patch and for some reason it didn't work. I was totally stunned when i found out i couldn't process it i just stared at a wall for 3 hours. My OH was just as shocked as me but as time has gone on we've both adjusted and i have to admit i'm really looking forward to Willow having a brother or sister :) in my heart i knew i wanted one for her but i was just too too scared to even consider it. In the end mother nature decided for me :)

The thing is i am completely and utterly terrified of going through labour again, just thinking about it makes me cry and shake i'm so so afraid of the pain. I've thought about talking to my midwife about a c section but i'm not sure what my chances are considering i'm just scared but it's a very very real fear for me. I'm also not certain it's what i want as i know the recovery time is long but with my prolapse the recovery time for me will be equally as long with a vaginal birth and i may even need surgery. I just know i don't want to go through what i went through last time.

Sorry for the long post to be honest i just needed to vent as i've not really talked to anyone about it because i'm worried they'll just think it's silly. Does anyone have any thoughts on what i should do?


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## 3rdtimearound

I think you need to talk this over with your midwife/consultant. Be sure to state your case and that they listen to your fears. Take DH with you so he can back you up without the emotional response you will obviously feel. I truly hope they can help you. Either a CS or trauma counselling x


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## Mammatotwo

Oh I feel for you. I am so sorry the medical profession abandoned you when you needed them. Is there another hospital you can go to, because 1 midwife for a whole labour ward is just ridiculous. I would also write a letter outlining your complaint because without complaints they will not put better practices in place. 
This time I suggest you be very upfront about your pain relief with your ob or midwife. Get your husband or mum to be your advocate and get them to be persistent with what you need. Make sure they know your history of dilating very fast and that you want an epi. Ring the hospital before you go in and say that you require an epi due to you prior birth experience. 
Mostly just be assertive before birth and have someone there during the birth who can speak for you when you can't. 
A big congrats on your pregnancy. I know what it is like to feel ignored during your birth. :hugs:


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## Scuba

I'm so sorry you went through this.. I'm having the exact same terrified panic as you, if you want to look at my post in this section titled 'Not sure what to do' you'll see that how you feel is spot on to how I feel! 
I can't offer advice as I'm in the same boat, looking for advice and answers on here and not sure what to push for as far as birth is concerned, but I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Please keep me updated on your situation xx


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## lottie_2007

I kind of know where you're coming with. My second labour started quite quickly and my mum went to pick dh up from work so i was on my own with dd (3 at the time), pains weren't too bad so i was ok, literally as she went they stepped up and everything happeneed really quickly! I rang the hospital 3 times in an hour and because my contractions were in no real pattern they just kept telling me to hang on a little longer! By the time dh got home i could barely walk, sit, stand etc, we rang an ambulance as i wanted to push, 20 mins later we were at the hospital with our baby boy! We made it there and they broke my waters and out he flew!! I'm very apprehensive this time, i've been at the hospital twice this weekend with pains but making no progress as yet. x


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## Icy

I can relate to you completely! I have 3 also, first two also from another partner!! my first two were fine ordinary and I wasn't scared but my third, I went to the hospital and the nurse on duty told me they were braxton hicks, I insisted it was not and the doctor finally checked me and I was 5cm she left me alone for 45 minutes and I was fully dilated!! I was in so much pain and they wouldn't give me anything and the doctor was very poor at guiding me when to push so I always missed the contraction and ended up focusing only on the pain instead of giving birth! The birth of my third was fast, fierce and intense and now I am pregnant with my fourth and fully realize that there is only one way out!! I am honestly for the sake of my sanity am considering an epidural! But also I really just need to talk it out with all the people who will be with me so they are aware of my fear. I honestly think having supporting people is all we can really do! Best of luck to you.


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## Refinersfire

:hugs: it is so so nice to know i'm not alone in the way i'm feeling thanks so much for all your support and words. I really don't feel so silly now and i can really relate to your stories we're not alone and we can go through this together :) I'm waiting for my midwife to contact me for my booking appointment and when she does i'm going to take my partner with me and lay down exactly how i feel, if i can't make her listen i'm going to go and see my doctor he's known me for 20 years and i'm pretty sure that if i tell him honestly how i feel he will get me some help. I'm still terrified i try not to think about the labour at all or i start to get flashbacks and feel sick but it truly does feel better to know that there are people out there who understand. I'll let you know how i get on and please keep me updated on how you all do too, we can swap stories and advice and hopefully we'll all get what's best for us and our beautiful little ones :)

Lottie best of luck to you, i hope all goes well and little one comes safely and as comftably as possible for you, you're in my thoughts and prayers :hugs:


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## Arisa

you poor thing :hugs: you need to complain about the awful midwife you had who by the sound of it did not care much about you. I think having a prolapse should mean you are able to discuss the option of a C-section also it sounds like you are experiencing (and with good reason) post traumatic stress disorder as a result of your traumatic birth experience, my friend had this and was given counselling, medication and was cared for by a psychiatrist in the early post partum weeks so you need to discuss these things with your doctor and search around for the right midwife, one who supports your choices in birth and understands your personal background and the damage done by your last birth

all the best and a H&H nine months to you
god bless :hugs:


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## Cee108

I feel for you and in a way, it makes me feel better to know there's someone else out there who feels scared and its normal... I'm not being unreasonable in my fear, then!

I had a very quick labor - it was my first and I'm one of those people who go quiet when they're in pain. The midwife on duty didn't take a look at me for almost 2 hours because I didn't 'look' as if I was in labor. When I asked her to please take a look, she said 'you don't *look* like you're in labour - trust me, when its the real thing, you'll know' and she was shocked to find me 4cms dilated and sheepishly said I was coping really well with the pain. Everyone, including my husband, came out of the experience thinking it went 'fairly easily' to quote :growlmad: and no one seemed to care about my recovery just because I'm not vocal about the pain and discomfort.

I don't EVER want to go through labor again because I felt I couldn't even convey to my husband how MUCH pain I was in and I felt very very alone and abandoned in a way. I guess I'm not as brave as I thought but I'm done being ashamed of it!


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