# Unsure of my feelings since finding out..



## hayz_baby

Part f me feels like I'm kinda grieving.. Idk.. On the outside I'm perfectly fine and I haven't really opened these feelings up. But these feelings are real.. Plus something additional came up.. 

With ds1 we didn't find out.. I'm always happy with thy decision and I loved the surprise. It felt like the only real surprise i have had. Wen I was pregnant everyone said boy, I said girl.. Not sure if it was hoping tho.. 
When they said boy I felt so full of emotion it took a second to adjust. I was never happy with his middle name but I never had the strength to admit that.. It just.. Well happened. And those were my first thoughts..
I know they soon quickly passed (altho I did have pnd..) I have a little boy who I love! He is a proper little boy and I can't imagine life without him.
We decided to try for another. I wanted a girl. I only ever really wanted 2 kids. It fits right and I don't think I can realistically afford more. I made it somewhat open I wanted a girl. I kept talking about getting one of those christmas dresses from next. I think oh wanted a girl too. We decided to find out this time round.. Part of me thought I would b ok not finding out but part of me wondered.. So we found out. The lady said boy. It was clear. I wasn't sure how to react. I was happy. But somewhat forced?? Im glad I've got this time to adjust. I started thinking of the positives... Saving money.. We still have to upsize but we only need a 2 be which saves.. Which means same council band... We have all of ds1 clothes.. 
I think that they will b best friends (amongst fights) they will be brothers! But then this twinge of sadness hits me.. Altho I'm not saying never say never.. I dont think I really want a third. That I will only have a third for a girl.. Not for the child.. I can't do that right now. I think of what I could miss... U know they saying a son is a son till he has a wife a daughter is ures for life. I will never be mother of the bride, help pick dresses an give guidance, have silly nights out. Have that closeness I never had with my mother. Try and fix that. I will never (if she allowed) have the option of being there to witness my grandchildren born like some are, I will never b first point of advice, never first choice for babysitting when she's ready. Ill b a mil. Even if I get on with them, there is always that realistic chance they will call their mother. And I don't blame them. I just wish I could have that for myself.. I wish I could buy a pretty Christmas dress from next. I'm finding it easier.. I'm accepting it, feeling the love of two boys. I know I will love this boy as much as my first. I know it would b hard with 2 but I will love it totally! 
Today I found out my bros girlfriend (who's very young and pregnant unexpextedly) is having a girl. It just brought those little niggles back.
I hope I don't sound awful, I sometimes toy with the future and think could I have 3? But I think to myself I don't know how I would feel with 3 boys? Do I want a third or a girl? That's 5 years + away so I'm not overly concerned now but it brings me back. I might not have a girl. I'm getting there in terms of acceptance. I just sometimes feel like I might b grieving for a girl I'm not having.

Thanks you I hope I for sound like an awful mum it just seems like there are a lot of understanding people on this part and I needed to get these thoughts out x


----------



## lau86

You're not an awful mum. Your post is exactly like the one we have all posted in here too. Exactly the same fears and worries. 
I can't really say much to help, you sound like you're adjusting really well to it. 
Alot of my worries are things wayyyyy off in the future, things that you have mentioned too. If I can give you some advice it would be to forget about all that for now. You just don't know what's gonna happen in the future, your daughter in law may adore you and want you to be there for births etc. as for babysitting, I always ask my MiL and mum in turn, you've just gotta hope you get a fair DIL!x


----------



## MonyMony

Your feelings are completely undertstandable. The gd and worries will fade with time, even if it doesn't feel like it now. 

Btw, I am closer now to my MIL than I am to my own mom. And my OH is much closer to his parents than his sister. You just never know how life will turn out.


----------



## Princesa7

You don't sound awful at all :hugs:

I've been there. I have 2 boys and after my 2nd I was like wow I will never be the mother of a bride,never buy a cute Christmas dress,etc..its just sank in and I kinda accepted it since that was supposed to be our last try for a girl and just have 2 kids.

Well here I am 4yrs later ttc #3..if I ever get a BFP I'm convinced it will be another boy wich I'm ok with but of course I'd be beyond thrilled with a girl.


----------



## motherofboys

When you imagine a child and hope fore a certain gender you begin to build this image in your head, I know I did. Then when you hear you are having the opposite gender there is a process you go through, it is like grieving. And you will have good days and bad days, times when someone else gets that girl and you feel some what cheated. Why them? They didn't even want a baby! I wanted a girl so badly, I did this or that and still never got one, what did I do so wrong to only get boys. 
I've just had baby boy number 4, I know the process well from my last pregnancy. I will say I am now so completely in love with my baby boy I can not imagine him being a girl. I know he was who I was meant to have. And that its not something I did wrong to get all boys but something I did right. With out blowing my own trumpet, I have made and raised such clever, handsome, wonderful little boys (who drive me nuts at times) that I keep getting given more boys so I can keep up that good job.
I think its the parent YOU are rather than the gender of your children that makes for a close relationship as the grow. In my eyes and my experience, a man brings a woman into his family, a woman leaves her family to become a part of the mans. My Mum sees my kids every 6 months, if that, she actually hasn't visited at all this year. My MIL sees my kids every single weekend. My hubby and his brother go to their parents for anything they need help and advise with, their sister wouldn't dream of going to their Mum and I wouldn't go to mine.
I've had experience of PND and was so worried I'd get it again if my baby was a boy (this was my first experience of gender preference) but as I say he is perfect and I can't believe I ever wanted him to be someone else.


----------



## c.m.c

Hi! Today I found out that my baby, who I thought was a boy is a girl! Scan was wrong last week.

I already have a girl so was super excited to think I'd get one of each! My DH doesn't want to know the sex!! Now I feel I'm letting him down by giving him 2 daughters!! 

Of course we have a boys name picked which I love so much and we have no girls names!!

I do love my baby so much, this baby is a rainbow baby too so I feel ridiculous but I can't help but feel sad today!

I hate myself for feeling this way! Wish I'd stayed team yellow this time!! I was so overjoyed when DD1 was a girl as I got what I wanted, this time I didn't an I feel so guilty


----------



## hayz_baby

I'm sorry for the late reply been so busy with moving and I haven't been well at all so have been resting a lot and wanted to make sure I replied well to you ladies. 
Thank you for your kin replies. It's good that u can express how exactly you feel without fear of repercussion. A lot of my fears are future based and I what all of u have said is true that I just don't know what the future holds.


----------



## Bec C

I know how you feel exactly. I lost a little girl my last pregnancy and I wanted a girl then, I am pregnant again, I haven't found out the sex as I don't want to be disappointed BUT I do feel its a boy, my consultant who is usually bang on says boy and I think I saw something on the scan. I am trying to convince myself its ok, and just thinking of boys names and things, but I must admit I am gutted. I had to convince hubby I wouldn't mind either before he'd even let us try again, so I have to have a brave face and can't tell anyone. 

I know I will love it as long as it comes out crying this time, but I just know if they say girl I'd be ecstatic, but if they say boy and I just know they will, I will be happy but not ecstatic.

I wanted a girl to dress and I feel girls stay with their mum forever and you're more invovled when they grow up, weddings and babies and stuff. 

I feel bad as I know I'm so fortunate to even be pg again and as long as its alive I shouldn't care, I know all that but I just can't help my feelings, I lost my mum this yr and wanted to include her name also, but if it's a boy I can't do that. Maybe its all hormones but I'm so mixed up and upset 

I hope we will all be ok, I'm sure when we see our baby we will adore them just the way they are.


----------



## hayz_baby

Bec C said:


> I know how you feel exactly. I lost a little girl my last pregnancy and I wanted a girl then, I am pregnant again, I haven't found out the sex as I don't want to be disappointed BUT I do feel its a boy, my consultant who is usually bang on says boy and I think I saw something on the scan. I am trying to convince myself its ok, and just thinking of boys names and things, but I must admit I am gutted. I had to convince hubby I wouldn't mind either before he'd even let us try again, so I have to have a brave face and can't tell anyone.
> 
> I know I will love it as long as it comes out crying this time, but I just know if they say girl I'd be ecstatic, but if they say boy and I just know they will, I will be happy but not ecstatic.
> 
> I wanted a girl to dress and I feel girls stay with their mum forever and you're more invovled when they grow up, weddings and babies and stuff.
> 
> I feel bad as I know I'm so fortunate to even be pg again and as long as its alive I shouldn't care, I know all that but I just can't help my feelings, I lost my mum this yr and wanted to include her name also, but if it's a boy I can't do that. Maybe its all hormones but I'm so mixed up and upset
> 
> I hope we will all be ok, I'm sure when we see our baby we will adore them just the way they are.

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: your emotions must be all over the place do don't think whatever u feel is bad. You never know.. U may have a girl. Either say it sounds like ur handling it well x


----------



## Bec C

hayz_baby said:


> Bec C said:
> 
> 
> I know how you feel exactly. I lost a little girl my last pregnancy and I wanted a girl then, I am pregnant again, I haven't found out the sex as I don't want to be disappointed BUT I do feel its a boy, my consultant who is usually bang on says boy and I think I saw something on the scan. I am trying to convince myself its ok, and just thinking of boys names and things, but I must admit I am gutted. I had to convince hubby I wouldn't mind either before he'd even let us try again, so I have to have a brave face and can't tell anyone.
> 
> I know I will love it as long as it comes out crying this time, but I just know if they say girl I'd be ecstatic, but if they say boy and I just know they will, I will be happy but not ecstatic.
> 
> I wanted a girl to dress and I feel girls stay with their mum forever and you're more invovled when they grow up, weddings and babies and stuff.
> 
> I feel bad as I know I'm so fortunate to even be pg again and as long as its alive I shouldn't care, I know all that but I just can't help my feelings, I lost my mum this yr and wanted to include her name also, but if it's a boy I can't do that. Maybe its all hormones but I'm so mixed up and upset
> 
> I hope we will all be ok, I'm sure when we see our baby we will adore them just the way they are.
> 
> I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: your emotions must be all over the place do don't think whatever u feel is bad. You never know.. U may have a girl. Either say it sounds like ur handling it well xClick to expand...

Thank you I am all over the place at the moment, I lost my mu not long ago also, and wanted to incorporate her name. Its like the reasons to have a girl outweigh the reasons for a boy. But I can't change anything. I'm sure it will be ok for us :hugs:


----------



## hayz_baby

Bec C said:


> hayz_baby said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Bec C said:
> 
> 
> I know how you feel exactly. I lost a little girl my last pregnancy and I wanted a girl then, I am pregnant again, I haven't found out the sex as I don't want to be disappointed BUT I do feel its a boy, my consultant who is usually bang on says boy and I think I saw something on the scan. I am trying to convince myself its ok, and just thinking of boys names and things, but I must admit I am gutted. I had to convince hubby I wouldn't mind either before he'd even let us try again, so I have to have a brave face and can't tell anyone.
> 
> I know I will love it as long as it comes out crying this time, but I just know if they say girl I'd be ecstatic, but if they say boy and I just know they will, I will be happy but not ecstatic.
> 
> I wanted a girl to dress and I feel girls stay with their mum forever and you're more invovled when they grow up, weddings and babies and stuff.
> 
> I feel bad as I know I'm so fortunate to even be pg again and as long as its alive I shouldn't care, I know all that but I just can't help my feelings, I lost my mum this yr and wanted to include her name also, but if it's a boy I can't do that. Maybe its all hormones but I'm so mixed up and upset
> 
> I hope we will all be ok, I'm sure when we see our baby we will adore them just the way they are.
> 
> I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs: your emotions must be all over the place do don't think whatever u feel is bad. You never know.. U may have a girl. Either say it sounds like ur handling it well xClick to expand...
> 
> Thank you I am all over the place at the moment, I lost my mu not long ago also, and wanted to incorporate her name. Its like the reasons to have a girl outweigh the reasons for a boy. But I can't change anything. I'm sure it will be ok for us :hugs:Click to expand...

I'm sure it willbe, maybe u can find a more masculine version of your mums name?


----------

