# Am I being greedy?



## pinkmummy

I told my sister yesterday that she needs to pay £30 for her bridesmaid dress. She gets £30 a week EMA from college and doesn't have anything to pay such as board to my mum and dad or anything.

I told her that I need the money by the end of December which gives her plenty of time to save up. All the bridesmaids are paying for their own as we are already over budget!

My mum just phoned me and said that I should pay for the dress because my dad is giving us £1000 towards the wedding already.

Am I being greedy is saying that she can pay for her own? Everyone else is so why shouldn't she? Chris's sister is paying for her own (admitedly shes a lot older) but still even if she puts £5 a week away! I am buying the shoes and necklaces as gifts which will be costing about £15-£20.

I told my mum if she wasn't paying then she wasn't being bridesmaid. Its not like I'm asking her for all the money now, as I said even just £5 a week!


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## xXhayleyXx

I wouldnt of dreamed of asking for money from my bridesmaids, fair enough they were my daughters but if i had had my sisters or older friends then i still wouldnt of. Doesnt seem right at all to me but thats just my oppinion. Hope u get things sorted :hugs: xxx


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## buttonnose82

not at all, when i was at college i had to pay for my bridesmaid dress for my sisters wedding, and my shoes, it set me back 150 pounds, so 30 is nothing!


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## caz81

i think it is a little unfair if she only gets 30 per week to ask her to give a whole weeks money, i know it is not a lot of money but maybe it is to her?


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## pinkmummy

I'm not asking her to give a whole weeks wages. Even if it was just £5 a week. She has until next September to pay for it so its not like I'm saying give me £30 now


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## Linzi

I dont think you're being greedy at all hun x


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## Vici

I don't think you're being greedy at all. Traditionally BM didn't pay for dresses, BUT we are in the 21st century now. My BM are all paying half towards their dresses :)


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## EstelSeren

My bridesmaids, or their parents, are paying for their dresses, apart from my flower girl but her dress is being made along with mine and won't add much onto the cost of the materials. However, I'm also letting them choose their own so it's something they will definitely wear again in the future and they knew that this was the case from the start. Personally though I think that she should understand. She's old enough to get EMA so she's certainly old enough to understand your point of view!! Perhaps sit down with her and go through how much weddings cost with her. I'm sure that she probably has an idea of how she wants her wedding to be, however far off that might still seem, so you could go through how much her fantasy wedding could cost so she can get an idea of the scale and how her paying £30 would be of a huge help. I'm sure she wants to help and wouldn't want to upset you. Point out again that the other bridesmaids are paying for theirs and that you can't give her preferential treatment. I'm sure it'll all work out fine.

All the best,
Beca :wave:


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## babybaillie

I think thats a bit out of order sorry. u cant ask someone to be a bridesmaid then pay towards the dress..... thats the brides responsibility


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## lesleyann

any BM's i have will be buying there dresses money dont go on trees and tbh i dont need BM's so if they want to be one they can pay :shrug:


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## subaru555

She might just rely on that money too much - I remember when I had that sort of money at college and I didn't pay digs ever. It's probably a bit much for her evern though it is a mere £30. You just need to try and see it from her perspective. 

I'm paying for my BM's dresses but that was the decision that we incorporated into our wedding plans.


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## pinkmummy

lesleyann said:


> any BM's i have will be buying there dresses money dont go on trees and tbh i dont need BM's so if they want to be one they can pay :shrug:

Thats exactly what I said. I would have happily just had Caitlin as a flower girl and Thomas page boy and thats it but my mum said I had to ask her as shes my sister! Even though we dont really get on! All the other bridesmaids are fine paying for their own


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## HannahGraceee

Correct me if im wrong, but im pretty sure its christmas that you get your EMA bonus which is £100


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## pinkmummy

Shes just got £260 backdated too!


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## WhisperOfHope

caitlinsmummy said:


> I told my sister yesterday that she needs to pay £30 for her bridesmaid dress. She gets £30 a week EMA from college and doesn't have anything to pay such as board to my mum and dad or anything.
> 
> I told her that I need the money by the end of December which gives her plenty of time to save up. All the bridesmaids are paying for their own as we are already over budget!
> 
> My mum just phoned me and said that I should pay for the dress because my dad is giving us £1000 towards the wedding already.
> 
> Am I being greedy is saying that she can pay for her own? Everyone else is so why shouldn't she? Chris's sister is paying for her own (admitedly shes a lot older) but still even if she puts £5 a week away! I am buying the shoes and necklaces as gifts which will be costing about £15-£20.
> 
> I told my mum if she wasn't paying then she wasn't being bridesmaid. Its not like I'm asking her for all the money now, as I said even just £5 a week!

nope not being greedy i asked all my bridesmaids to pay for there own all agreed to too, but in the end i cheeted and am using dresses from my best friends weddin g lol


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## pinkmummy

Lol Well I have tried my best to keep costs down and Im getting them off ebay for £30. I would have loved to get some that were £150 which are the first ones I ever saw but the fact is I don' want them to pay £150 for a dress for my wedding. She would have bought a new dress anyway!


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## Tasha

I dont think it is harsh, weddings are expensive and well every little helps. And tbh your not asking her to pay for a £100 dress or something. My sister was my bridesmaid and she brought her own, which I do not think was out of order, we could afford what we could afford and she would of had to pay for a dress if she was just a normal guest :shrug:


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## Aidan's Mummy

I Dont think its pit of order at all. Being a bridesmaid is a privalege not a right and at the end of the day she isnt paying rent bills etc so wyh shouldnt she.

:hugs: Not unrealsiable at all
xx


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## Tasha

caitlinsmummy said:


> Lol Well I have tried my best to keep costs down and Im getting them off ebay for £30. I would have loved to get some that were £150 which are the first ones I ever saw but the fact is I don' want them to pay £150 for a dress for my wedding. She would have bought a new dress anyway!

LMAO I just wrote basically the same thing but was writing when you posted this lol


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## pinkmummy

Tasha said:


> caitlinsmummy said:
> 
> 
> Lol Well I have tried my best to keep costs down and Im getting them off ebay for £30. I would have loved to get some that were £150 which are the first ones I ever saw but the fact is I don' want them to pay £150 for a dress for my wedding. She would have bought a new dress anyway!
> 
> LMAO I just wrote basically the same thing but was writing when you posted this lolClick to expand...

LOL I just seen it! :D x


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## Aidan's Mummy

And if shes got all that money back dated then please come on

I'm sorry but anyone that says its her only 30 pund when I was living at my mums I didnt have to pay board but I had aidan and I still managed to put 30 ound towards a dress for my OH's mums wedding saying that she might be struggling doesnt wash with me
xx


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## lesleyann

when i got ema i got loads backdated and paid when i was not in and over xmas and your get bonuses for being for 10wks and then for longer and for reaching targets and for doing a work placement and for when you leave and you get a grant for clothes to wear for interviews and items you may need to get a job **when the people come to interview you that is**


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## Linzi

She was gonna have to get a dress for your wedding anyway regardless of if she's a bridesmaid or not, can't see her getting anything for under £30 really!!!

One of my best friends OFFERED to pay for her dress if I asked her to be bridesmaid, but I decided against having them.

I really dont think you're being harsh hun, especially £30. If it was like £500 thatd be a different story xx


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## HannahGraceee

^^ good point linzi - she would have had to buy a dress/outfit anyway and i bet it would cost more then £30 with shoes ect x x


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## pinkmummy

HannahGraceee said:


> ^^ good point linzi - she would have had to buy a dress/outfit anyway and i bet it would cost more then £30 with shoes ect x x

Exactly and I'm buying their shoes and jewelery and getting their hair and make up done too! I don't even want her as a bm but feel like I have to coz she's my sister x


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## HannahGraceee

I think she should pay tbh, even if you bought it for her and she paided you back £2 a week!


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## subaru555

If she got money back dated then I would ask her to pay for it outright - before it's gone!


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## Kimboowee

Im 'making' mine pay for theirs, it'll be a bit more at £80, but im shelling out for shoes, jewelery, hair and make up.


Having that amount of time gives her plenty of time! I have told all my bridesmaids, you wear what I say, if you dont like it then your not being one!


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## ChloesMummy

I have never heard of bridesmaids paying for they're own dress in the UK :shrug:

Im assuming it's the done thing where you live so I would agree £30 is not a lot of money esp if she has had the backdated EMA (whatever that is lol). 

I would probs just pay the £30 to save a family fallout, anything for an easy life :blush: I hope you get it sorted hun x


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## Sovereign

I'm paying for my bridesmaids dresses myself but I don't think you're being out of order if she knew from the start that you would want £30 off her x


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## Hopeful 4 #1

My BM dresses are £60 each. I'm paying for 2of theirs as they dnt work and are too young to work! but the other EIGHT are paying for their own, AND their shoes!! xx


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## Blob

Its traditional that the bridesmaids DO pay for their dresses!!! Mine arent i dont think as it would limit what i wanted them to wear :lol:


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## PnutProtector

i don't think that's in any way greedy. 30 is nothing.

In the US bridesmaids and Groomsman/ushers are responsible for their attire. It's all apart of being in the wedding.


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## PnutProtector

i don't think that's in any way greedy. 30 is nothing.

In the US bridesmaids and Groomsman/ushers are responsible for their attire. It's all apart of being in the wedding.


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## lozzy21

I personaly wouldent make them pay for there dresses. Its my wedding not theres. If i couldent afford the dressed i wouldent have bridesmaids.

When your only getting 30 a week, a 5er is a lot of money and as for her backdated payments and her bonus, ithat is supposed to be your money as a reward for sticking in collage. I used mine for christmass presants.


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## PnutProtector

every wedding site i've been too, everyone i've talked to, and every movie or show that i've seen, the bridesmaid pays for her own dress. 

It's like buying a dress for a party or prom or ball. You buy it yourself. Only with weddings, the bride asks that the girls she's chosen to stand by her on her big day wear something that makes them stand out from the guests. It makes them special. 

I've had to cut out both of my sisters because they missed the deadline for ordering their dresses. I feel bad. BUT i gave them months to prepare and save. And the two weeks before the deadline I called every other day and left messages. Neither called me back.


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## lozzy21

PnutProtector said:


> every wedding site i've been too, everyone i've talked to, and every movie or show that i've seen, the bridesmaid pays for her own dress.
> 
> It's like buying a dress for a party or prom or ball. You buy it yourself. Only with weddings, the bride asks that the girls she's chosen to stand by her on her big day wear something that makes them stand out from the guests. It makes them special.
> 
> I've had to cut out both of my sisters because they missed the deadline for ordering their dresses. I feel bad. BUT i gave them months to prepare and save. And the two weeks before the deadline I called every other day and left messages. Neither called me back.

I dont know if its a uk/us differance then because iv been bridesmaid several times and never had to get my own dress nor has any one i know. Its not just about waring a dress that sets them aside and to stand with her during the ceramony. The bridesmaids are there to help "prepare" the bride for the big day and to help the maid of honor make sure that event goes as smoothly as possible.


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## Aidan's Mummy

lozzy21 said:


> I personaly wouldent make them pay for there dresses. Its my wedding not theres. If i couldent afford the dressed i wouldent have bridesmaids.
> 
> When your only getting 30 a week, a 5er is a lot of money and as for her backdated payments and her bonus, ithat is supposed to be your money as a reward for sticking in collage. I used mine for christmass presants.

I dont really agree with that she has no repsonsibilities. Yet I still went to college got my 30 pound and still paid for my own dress AND had aidan. I think she is being selfish and very childish she doesnt pay rent and she has no bills. So it really doenst wash when she says she cant afford it because I did and i had a child
xx


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## lozzy21

Aidan's Mummy said:


> lozzy21 said:
> 
> 
> I personaly wouldent make them pay for there dresses. Its my wedding not theres. If i couldent afford the dressed i wouldent have bridesmaids.
> 
> When your only getting 30 a week, a 5er is a lot of money and as for her backdated payments and her bonus, ithat is supposed to be your money as a reward for sticking in collage. I used mine for christmass presants.
> 
> I dont really agree with that she has no repsonsibilities. Yet I still went to college got my 30 pound and still paid for my own dress AND had aidan. I think she is being selfish and very childish she doesnt pay rent and she has no bills. So it really doenst wash when she says she cant afford it because I did and i had a child
> xxClick to expand...

Im not going to start an argument. OP asked for our opinions so i gave mine. Just because its different to yours dosent mean its wrong.


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## Aidan's Mummy

I didnt say it was wrong. I just said after haveing more responsibilities I stiil afforded it so how is that causing an argument

Chirst There is no need ofr a comment like that I didnt say you had to agree with me did I


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## lozzy21

Then why quote me into your reply?


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## Aidan's Mummy

Because I was making a point. I quote plently of people on here whom I am talking to.

I have had two days without any sleep with a baby who is ill and always crying#

If my post can across as having ago I really didnt mean it to. I saw your post and made a point that sometimes people in harder circumstances have afforded it

I didnt want an argument as I quite frankly havnt got the energy


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## Aidan's Mummy

Because I was making a point. I quote plently of people on here whom I am talking to.

I have had two days without any sleep with a baby who is ill and always crying#

If my post can across as having ago I really didnt mean it to. I saw your post and made a point that sometimes people in harder circumstances have afforded it

I didnt want an argument as I quite frankly havnt got the energy


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## lozzy21

Aidan's Mummy said:


> Because I was making a point. I quote plently of people on here whom I am talking to.
> 
> I have had two days without any sleep with a baby who is ill and always crying#
> 
> If my post can across as having ago I really didnt mean it to. I saw your post and made a point that sometimes people in harder circumstances have afforded it
> 
> I didnt want an argument as I quite frankly havnt got the energy

The words did come across as a little harsh but we all do that when were tired.:hugs:


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## pinkmummy

lozzy21 said:


> Aidan's Mummy said:
> 
> 
> Because I was making a point. I quote plently of people on here whom I am talking to.
> 
> I have had two days without any sleep with a baby who is ill and always crying#
> 
> If my post can across as having ago I really didnt mean it to. I saw your post and made a point that sometimes people in harder circumstances have afforded it
> 
> I didnt want an argument as I quite frankly havnt got the energy
> 
> The words did come across as a little harsh but we all do that when were tired.:hugs:Click to expand...

Personally I don't think it came across as harsh. Lets just leave it there, you've had your opinion xx


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## Mynxie

I read a book from 1930's on wedding ettiquette. Back then, bridesmaids bought their own dresses. 

The general ettiquette now, is if you want them to wear a particular dress, you pay. If you want them to choose their own but have a specific colour scheme, they pay. Though often people don't pay attention to this and do whatever best suits those involved.


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## Serene123

I think if you want them to buy their own dresses they should pick them, then the ones that can't afford as much can buy cheap ones x


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## tasha41

I think it's crazy that people are suggesting it's the bride's responsibility to pay for the dresses for their bridesmaids-- bridesmaids pay for their own dresses here LOL. I don't think you're being greedy at all! :) And I don't have the button to make the little pound symbol on my keyboard LMAO but that's not a lot of money IMO, especially when she's got 260 + a possible 100 bonus + 30 a week. It's not like she has to pay it in December does she, she could do it in January after Christmas, no?? :dohh:

She knows you are trying to stick to a budget etc so I can't see why she's being so stubborn about this :)


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## lesleyann

back again woo lol 

Just add i picked what dresses they will be wearing although not 100% picked yet but i tell them you want to be a BM at MY wedding you wear what i want you to wear lol and im only picking cheap dresses ive not asked anyone to be a BM they have asked me so they can pay and wear what i want them to :shrug:


And EMA money is bloody plenty when you dont have to pay rent, gas,elec, buy food ect and as someone else said she would still have to buy a dress or a smart outfit and it would costmore than £30 when you add on shoes and everything


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## Lisalovesbean

When I married seven years ago, we had a budget....and sadly that budget didn't cover the costs for bridesmaids dresses, so I simply didn't have any!!!

I wouldn't dream of asking them to pay...and I'd never bm for anybody who asked me to pay either...just my two cents!!

It's akin to asking guests to pay for their own meal...that actually happened at a mates wedding once, we all turned up to the restaurant after we had all been to the registry and were told once the starters had been ordered that we were to pay our own way, lol...and not everybody had the full meal due to financial constraints....was really bad, imo!:haha:


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## ChloesMummy

Slightly Off Topic but what is this EMA your sister gets? :blush:


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## PnutProtector

tasha41 said:


> I think it's crazy that people are suggesting it's the bride's responsibility to pay for the dresses for their bridesmaids-- bridesmaids pay for their own dresses here LOL. I don't think you're being greedy at all! :) And I don't have the button to make the little pound symbol on my keyboard LMAO but that's not a lot of money IMO, especially when she's got 260 + a possible 100 bonus + 30 a week. It's not like she has to pay it in December does she, she could do it in January after Christmas, no?? :dohh:
> 
> She knows you are trying to stick to a budget etc so I can't see why she's being so stubborn about this :)

agreed


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## Mynxie

Lisalovesbean said:


> It's akin to asking guests to pay for their own meal...that actually happened at a mates wedding once, we all turned up to the restaurant after we had all been to the registry and were told once the starters had been ordered that we were to pay our own way, lol...and not everybody had the full meal due to financial constraints....was really bad, imo!:haha:

Ouch!
If they were going to do that, they should have informed their guests beforehand. I probably wouldn't mind paying if we'd been told before TBH. What we did though was pay for each person from a specific menu and if they wanted to upgrade, they were welcome to do so. In the end there was only 3 people who upgraded (one being DH :rofl:) and everyone paid for their own drinks - except soft drinks. We'd paid for the soft drinks when we paid for the meals.


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## pinkmummy

ChloesMummy said:


> Slightly Off Topic but what is this EMA your sister gets? :blush:

She gets EMA for attending college, its to try and encourage kids to stay in college. 

She gets £30 a week (coz of my parents income it can be £10 - £30) and at Christmas and Spring they get a bonus for good attendance. If they miss one lesson in a week they lose the whole £30.

Shes never been off college, even when she was loaded with cold


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## pinkmummy

Lisalovesbean said:


> When I married seven years ago, we had a budget....and sadly that budget didn't cover the costs for bridesmaids dresses, so I simply didn't have any!!!
> 
> I wouldn't dream of asking them to pay...and I'd never bm for anybody who asked me to pay either...just my two cents!!
> 
> It's akin to asking guests to pay for their own meal...that actually happened at a mates wedding once, we all turned up to the restaurant after we had all been to the registry and were told once the starters had been ordered that we were to pay our own way, lol...and not everybody had the full meal due to financial constraints....was really bad, imo!:haha:

Thats the thing with me too. I gladly wouldnt have any, just me OH, Caitlin and Thomas but my sister asked (and my mum complained coz I never asked my sister) and coz she had asked OH said I should ask his sister. Then my friend asked and I didn't want an odd number lol so my other friend OFFERED so really I would gladly do with out bridesmaids and without the hassle


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## mum2beagain

When we got married we paid for my oh sisters dress becasue she doesnt work and was only just 16 so it seemed fair but my sister actually offered to pay the £90 for hers because she knew that it was a budget wedding i dnt think its out of order at all hun its only £30


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## caz81

when i first saw this i thought as she only earnt a little bit of money it was not that fair but tbh i was not too sure what the ema was so i assumed it was her wages! If it is money she gets just for going to college then she should def be contributing, back in my day (lol) we got an education and were happy with that!!! Given as she is not actually doing anything for that money seems fair she contributes, had it been her wages maybe not!


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## Tegans Mama

I don't think its unfair that you ask her to pay. I've only ever been a bridesmaid once and I was five. :lol: BUT I don't like the idea of having bridesmaids anyway :lol:


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## Danilou1910

I got arried in Oct, I had originally paid for everything for y BM's when I started to plan, but then my dress fell through as the shop went bankrupt and I had to rush out and buy a new dress, and trying to find a dress to go with a white BM dress was prety hard. So ended up having to buy new BM dresses too. So all my Bm's offered to pay for there dresses and shoes, but I paid for their second dress and they covered their shoes. And my sis was 17 at college and earing about £25 a week. If they have asked you to be BM then I don't see why it's so bad for them to pay, you are looking for budget dresses not being a bridezilla and exspecting them to pay £100's of pounds.

I got my dresses off ebay for £38 frim china. They were amazing and everyone comented on them on the day. If you want the shop on ebay hun i'll PM you a link, here's pic:https://https://www.photobox.co.uk/my/photo?photo_id=310320110&album_id=238393913

They were def great value for money :)


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## pinkmummy

Thanks hun :)

These are the ones I've got, ordered them on Tuesday :)

https://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=360181784312&ssPageName=STRK:MEWNX:IT


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## toffee87

I don't think you're being greedy at all, she's known for ages and I bet she finds it easy to spend it on other things.


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## lillprutten

I would say pay half the dress.


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## emilyjean

Maybe it's different in the UK, but in the US it's customary for the bridesmaids to buy their own dresses. The brides just pick them out. And sometimes the brides are pretty damn rude and pick really expensive dresses that their BM's have to pay for, if they want to be in the wedding.


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## Trying4ababy

I had to pay for my own dress when I was a BM and my sis in law paid when she was my BM


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