# Dealing with gender jealousy :/



## Brz04

You girls are the only ones that I can say this to but I've been having a difficult time since we found out 12 weeks ago that were having a boy. I know this is only our first, but I've had so many difficulties and sickness with this pregnancy, that I really don't know if I can do this again. That being said, I've always always wanted a girl...I'm not sure if its because my mother raised me as a single parent and its always been just "us girls" and I feel like I've always been so feminine that I won't be able to relate to a boy, or it may also be because my sister passed at age 23 two years ago and I feel that having a little girl that may look/act like her would help ease the loss? 

I love this baby already but EVERY time I see on facebook that another friend/acquaintance is having a girl I feel so depressed. I feel so bad about that bc I should be happy for them, but I just can't seem to be. I have a close friend that has a 6 year old boy and accidentally fell pregnant and finds out tomorrow what she is having (she's hoping girl). Even though she already has a boy and this is her second and I should be hoping WITH her that she's having a girl, instead I find myself doing the opposite and hoping that she's having another boy...Im dreading tomorrow and I really feel like a terrible person :(


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## allforthegirl

It is hard now, but as long as you allow yourself to feel then it will slowly get better. I have four boys and was told before 17 weeks that this one is too. I hold onto a very small thread of hope, but for the most part have accepted our little man, that things will change in the morning at the 20 week scan. I know that I will always pine for that little girl, but I know from before it does get easier to tolerate, and every time my LM comes out I am smitten.

Just know you are not alone in how you feel. I (even though I may have accepted him) get angry and jelous with other women for posting they were right that they were having a girl. or make a huge deal with getting the sex they want. That part is still hard. I always find myself say sarcastically "well isn't that just nice!". 

Just be easy with yourself. Allow yourself to feel EVERYTHING. You are not wrong to do so. We are here for you when you need to vent


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## farmwife25

Im so sorry you feel that way. I always wanted a boy, then my mom passed away 5 years ago today and from then on I wahted a girl to carry my moms name in her honour. I was an only child, well I was a twin who was lost also a girl and my mom was a single parent. Then slowly I reverted back to a boy. A medium said id have a girl one day, but was told by ultrasound at 20 weeks it's a boy. Im over the moon as I desperately wanted a boy. But cant help but worry she could be wrong.
I toonwas very very sick and swore id never do this again, but have almost forgotten all about the first 19 weeks and would gladly do again.
Hang in there. As time progresses you'll find somedays your more accepting to the thought ofva noy, but allow yourself the emotions! We are all human.


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## detterose

I havent been on this part of the forum since my pregnancy. I too wished and hoped for a little girl. I've always been a mummy's girl myself and have 2 sisters. I thought, how on earth will I know what to do with a boy? I was surrounded by many other pregnant girls, a lot of them close friends who were all having girls. I was so depressed. Everytime another friend or someone I knew was pregnant and going for a scan, I too hoped they were having a boy.

I just want to let you know coming from someone that dealt with gender disappointment that I can promise you, once your little guy is here and in your arms, you will not care that he is not a little girl. I love my little boy with my whoooolllleeee heart and I wouldn't trade him for any little girl in the whole world. Every single day he grows to be such a beautiful, sweet and loving little boy. I honestly can't imagine my life without him. Hang in there hunny and congratulations xxx


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## Twag

I totally get you and just today really I have allowed this to hit me fully - DH and I always wanted a girl I am a very girly girl and I was so sure bubs was a girl and then at the scan we were told he is a boy I felt my heart drop - I got over it (DH not so much he is still trying!) 

Now I love my son with every ounce of my being and it makes me feel so guilty but everytime I see on BnB someone having their scan and them thinking girl and then it turns out team :pink: I feel really jealous and then guilt hits me and I apologise to my baby boy :(

The bad thing is too we have a friend she is due 4 days before me we had our scans a day apart and we were all hoping for girls (they originally wanted boy then changed their minds) they are having a girl - DH is insanely annoyed & jealous of them (BFP 1st try on honeymoon they are one of these couples that always gets what they want!)
We are seeing them for the 1st time on Saturday since our scans and tbh I am not sure I want too - I don't want to feel jealous of them having a baby girl and buying cute pink things -I also do not then want to have to deal with DH :nope:

I hate feeling jealous and I hate myself for feeling jealous :cry:

:hugs: to you


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## allforthegirl

I too just today found out an old friend of mine had another girl after having 2 boys first then a girl. This one was even super early, and I feel for her, but can't help but wonder what is wrong with me that I can't have even just one girl. I too love this little man to the moon and back already and too have complications of our own so healthy is what is the most important here, but that all still doesn't help when I see tons and tons of women get what they were hoping for.


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## jenniferttc1

I felt this way with my son towards others when I was carrying him. Luckily my cousin was 5 months behind me and didn't find out the gender till I was about to pop so I was too excited about him almost being here. I hated every girl gender announcement! But now he's here, he is just SO wonderful. I feel no jealousy at all....I honestly don't even get all sappy and mushy looking at newborn/baby girls but I totally do with the boys! My son is so much fun, loving, and a total BOY. Mud, water, worms, bugs, likes cars, monster trucks, racing, outdoors, rough housing, running around naked loving little boy and its been SO MUCH FUN. 
I am having my second boy and so excited about it! I just keep thinking one day I will be able to leave them with daddy to do guy things, and I will never have any girls trying to race me to the car to go shopping with me :rofl: I just keep thinking of all the alone time I will be able to have later on.


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## Paperhearts

Did you ever find out what your friend is having?


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## Brz04

Paperhearts said:


> Did you ever find out what your friend is having?

Yes, she is having a girl...it took me a few days but I'm dealing ok with it. It's just that now ill be seeing constant status updates on Facebook about pink clothes and how excited she is about having a girl :/ Im trying my hardest to feel excited for her.


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## Paperhearts

Brz04 said:


> Paperhearts said:
> 
> 
> Did you ever find out what your friend is having?
> 
> Yes, she is having a girl...it took me a few days but I'm dealing ok with it. It's just that now ill be seeing constant status updates on Facebook about pink clothes and how excited she is about having a girl :/ Im trying my hardest to feel excited for her.Click to expand...

Awe no worries. Just think, if you have another baby and it's a girl, she'll have a big brother to protect her &#10084;&#65039;


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## ButterCup17

totally can relate- i'm an only child as well and was raised by just my mom, and we are very close with my grandmother, so it's always been the 3 of us girls. and i'm such a girly girl i've always said i wanted a little princess and that there was no way my body could even produce a boy! every single person i know (and ppl i dont know) tell me it "looks" like i'm having a girl. every one of the gender prediction wives tale things have said girl. i've just had girl in my head the entire time. well, we found out last week it's a boy. of course i felt disapointed, but then instantly after that i felt guilty! watching my precious baby on the monitor, there was no way i couldn't love him death! then i cried all night b/c i felt guilty that i was origonally upset. however, it's not over yet. i'm having a gender reveal party this saturday and i'm afraid everyone else will be dispointed it's a boy, then i get sad again feeling sad for my baby boy that anyone could feel disapointed about him! i mean my mom especially is really upsetting me. she keeps saying "you can try to hid it from me til the party but i already know it's a little princess" and she keeps teling people about her "grandaughter"... i'm almost scared to make the announcement b/c i know everyone's initial reaction is going to be shock instead of excitment :(


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## Rhi_Rhi1

I am mostly trying to "ignore it" but it is hard, everytime I see someone with one of each for example I feel jealous which in turn makes me feel horrible :( Right after we found out we were having this LO, Oh's uncle announced they were having their first, of course they are having a girl(they found out just after us).. Oh's mum was showing me the nappy cake she was making to take with her when she goes to visit them this month, and seeing all the pink etc nearly made me cry. So when I got home I fell into a bitter rant about how "everybody else always gets what I want" etc it was very pathetic but my OH feels similar so he isn't too judgy and I think it was mostly hormones.. but I instantly stopped getting excited about anything baby related since we found out we were having a boy at the 16 week scan. Which If I am being honest we only had because we were so excited to see if we were having a girl :( I haven't brought anything (genderish) since we found out...and I don't even want to baby shop. Although I know I love my baby I just can't get excited about it.. I was nearly in tears when I had to get LO's clothes out of storage for this one as it is something I really didn't want to have to do :(


It also doesn't help that EVERYONE wanted a girl, people kept making comments like "ohh it would be amazing if we got a granddaughter this time" etc and my sisters wanted a niece to fuss over and they weren't shy about telling me...


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## allforthegirl

Rhi I hear you love loud and clear!! I still battle with this. I have bad days. Even after my 17 week scan I was thinking and almost convincing myself that they were wrong. Then 20 weeks showed no mistaking. I too feel upset every time someone "gets the gender of their choice" or their "instincts were right" I have had days that I would curse at the screen. It will get better, it will. Can't guarantee it will ever go away, but it will get better. Enough that you will eventually start getting excited about the little boy. <3


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