# Grr! Girls status on fb...



## Laura--x

I actually like this girl, we used to be friends at school. This is not the first status like this shes put on, people like this piss me off.




If your a mommy and work - like this status..cuz it looks like there ain't many of us these days ladies!!

Why is it such a god damn big deal if your a working mum or stay at home mum? I commented saying ' whats wrong with moms that dont work? and she replied ' cause theres no need not to work, unless your physically unable too' :shrug:

What about if i want to be a stay at home mum, what if i enjoy spending everyday with my daughter and knowing that everything shes learning is being taught by me? What about if i dont want to shove her into nursrey any earlier than she neeeds to be because come september shes going to be there for the next 14 years of her life!

I admire working moms and i cant wait to get back to work when maisie starts nursery, but why is it so bad to want to wait? jesus!


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## eddjanuary10

Well thats just her opinion, maybe she feels she needs support from other working mums? Some people think the opposite- why work when you can be at home with your child.

I'm a sahm just now and I'm glad to be able to enjoy all this precious time with my son. When he starts nursery, I will get back to my career. :)


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## smokey

Its the way of the world, your a lazy scrounger if you are a stay at home mum and your a bad uncaring mother if your a working mum, its the age old dammed if you do and dammed if you dont.

There is no right or wrong answer because some have to work because they have no option if they want to be able to afford to live while others have to stay at home because the cost of child care would wipe out all their wages yet others can afford to stay at home if they have a partner working or live off their own means and some want to work to keep their sanity and have found a healthy balance or are at a stage where they need to work for their career.

One size doesnt fit all.


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## Janidog

Laura--x said:


> I actually like this girl, we used to be friends at school. This is not the first status like this shes put on, people like this piss me off.
> 
> 
> 
> Alice Horton
> If your a mommy and work - like this status..cuz it looks like there ain't many of us these days ladies!!
> 
> Why is it such a god damn big deal if your a working mum or stay at home mum? I commented saying ' whats wrong with moms that dont work? and she replied ' cause theres no need not to work, unless your physically unable too' :shrug:
> 
> What about if i want to be a stay at home mum, what if i enjoy spending everyday with my daughter and knowing that everything shes learning is being taught by me? *What about if i dont want to shove* her into nursrey any earlier than she neeeds to be because come september shes going to be there for the next 14 years of her life!
> 
> I admire working moms and i cant wait to get back to work when maisie starts nursery, but why is it so bad to want to wait? jesus!

Sorry but us working mothers don't just 'shove' our children in to nurseries :growlmad:


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## LaughOutLoud

I was a professional before having my LO and now im so proud to be SAHM. Let me tell you this...if i was to return work, that would be an easy option for me. Staying at home has been more challenging, demanding and so much hard work than my 'professional job' which, in comparison, is now made to look like nothing. I stay at home, despite always having worked up in my career because DH can support us and therefore looking after my LO is so much more important than my career and so much more rewarding too. I have been blessed to be a mother and no way do I want to lose out on all those precious moments with my LO.

Edit - this is my opinion and it works in our situation so dont want any working mums to be upset about anything I may have wrote. I admire working mums but just giving my opinion on my life.


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## Mum2b_Claire

It's one of those 'can't win' situations Laura. I've been both (currently SAHM for the forseeable) and felt the force of people's judgement in both cases.


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## Jkelmum

why do people get so annoyed at others status,s its her page she can write what the hell she likes if u dont like it remove her ..remove her full name from a public forum too ,

I dont agree with her but it grates on me when people can post anything on there own profile without being chatted about


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## Jkelmum

Also its ok not to work if u cant afford it but choosing to be a sahm and live on bennefits is wrong imo ....cos us working mums pay tax so the ones who cba and live on the state , annoys me


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## LilDreamy

That was a nasty fb status. It's your choice whether to be a stay at home mom or not. I didn't have the option to be a SAHM. :nope: and I feel guilty about it everyday having to shove my child into daycare and have someone else pretty much raise her. :cry:

But luckily for me, I am pregnant with babu number two, and oh and I are getting married, so I will get to be a SAHM until baby number two is a year old, then I have to start college, not an option really if I want us to be able to survive in this economy.


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## LaughOutLoud

I def agree that some mums just dont have a choice. Also, childcare is so expensive and sometimes even going back to work doesnt really pay much for it so yes it isnt right to be a SAHM if living off government funds but may be for some mums thats the only way? I just want to point out before I get blasted that I am a SAHM with DH supporting us financially but I can see how it may not be worth going to work for some mums if they arent even going to be earning enough to pay for themselves and childcare.


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## isil

I don't think it's a case of 'cba' Jkelmum, it's really hard to find jobs (let alone jobs that you can get the childcare for then afford the childcare).

I agree with PP, it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing. I've not worked, I've worked...I seem to get criticism for both! 

I do think posting someone's name on a public forum is wrong though. If she searches her name, she'll find this you know?


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## Mum2b_Claire

Yup, if 'cba' came into it for anyone, they'd not choose to be a SAHM! I honestly did less when I worked.


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## RachA

You seem to be wrong whatever you choose.

I actually think its a shame that single parents get blasted for choosing to stay at home and look after their children - yes there are those that do it because they cba to work but others do it because they actually think it's vitally important to look after their own children. If my OH suddenly died or left me i wouldn't be rushing out to get a job as i believe that if their dad is no longer around then it's even more important that i be there as much as possible.

Everyone has their own opinion though and you have to do what is best for your own family and situation.


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## smokey

You think either way has it hard? try being a sahm and a working mother :)
I am at home with LO during the day doing all the housework, washing, cleaning, spending time with him and then I go to work in the evenings and spend 5-7 hours running behind idiots and cleaning up after them and getting shouted at, I dont get to bed till about 2am then back up with him at 8am to start another day.


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## whoops

Each to their own. I don't have the patience to spend 24/7 with LO, so working actually makes me a better mother in the time I do spend with her.


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## Laura--x

Jesus girls when did this forum become so god damn bitchy!

Ok i used to wrong word when i said 'shove' i didnt mean it like that, as i said i admire working mums, ALL im trying to say is, my daughter will start nursery when shes 3.5 and be in education up untill the age of 18, it doesnt make me a bad mum for saying i want to spend the 4 years i have with her to the advantage and make the most of it cause once shes off to school then thats it! shes there untill shes legally an adult.

DIdnt realise i posted her name with hte status which is now removed. 

People are so god damn quick to jump at things on here lately.


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## stardust599

Everyone has a different opinion.

I'm doing both. I work the equivalent of full-time hours over 3days and I spend 4 days at home with my daughter. Come July when we can't afford childcare for 2 babies I'm going to be a SAHM for 2-3 years!

Being a SAHM is so rewarding. It's an amazing job. I don't think it's harder than working though. I used to. But now that I am pregnant, working, and looking after LO my life would definately be so much easier if I could stay at home and I would get much more rest. Needs must though, we can't afford for me not to work because apparently the £300 a week my OH brings home is enough for us to live on while paying full rent, Council Tax etc. and not recieving tax credits etc. :shrug:


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## Janidog

Laura--x said:


> Jesus girls when did this forum become so god damn bitchy!
> 
> Ok i used to wrong word when i said 'shove' i didnt mean it like that, as i said i admire working mums, ALL im trying to say is, my daughter will start nursery when shes 3.5 and be in education up untill the age of 18, it doesnt make me a bad mum for saying i want to spend the 4 years i have with her to the advantage and make the most of it cause once shes off to school then thats it! shes there untill shes legally an adult.
> 
> DIdnt realise i posted her name with hte status which is now removed.
> 
> *People are so god damn quick to jump at things on here lately*.

How can you say that when you're the one who wrote the thread in the first place - pot calling kettle black


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## JASMAK

I used to be a SAHM and it was SO nice. I was one for 8.5 years!! I still worked, but around my husband, and mostly evenings so that I could concentrate on the children. I wish I could still be one. :( But, I can't. I have a career now, and the hours are not flexible. I miss my baby so much. It is SO hard. I have pictures of my kids ALL over my office. I feel like I am letting them down. But, I also need to think about my future, retirement. My older kids want namebrand clothing, activities, we want family vacations. Kelana is luck to have her daddy home most of the other time, but they all go to childcare for an hour and a bit a day. I would say being a working mom is twice as hard or more as being a SAHM, for me. I work all day, hubby is then at work, and I have all three kids to feed, bathe, do homework, get to bed...and if there is an activity in there, I do that too...Mondays is Scouts, and Thursdays is Sparks. I go go go all day long. When the kids are in bed, I do housework, laundry, and get the kids stuff ready for the next day (in between breastfeeding the baby). I fall into bed around 11 or 12 and it starts all over again. It isn't easy, emotionally or physically to do both, but I do wish I could be a SAHM. The guilt just eats me up inside.


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## Laura--x

Janidog said:


> Laura--x said:
> 
> 
> Jesus girls when did this forum become so god damn bitchy!
> 
> Ok i used to wrong word when i said 'shove' i didnt mean it like that, as i said i admire working mums, ALL im trying to say is, my daughter will start nursery when shes 3.5 and be in education up untill the age of 18, it doesnt make me a bad mum for saying i want to spend the 4 years i have with her to the advantage and make the most of it cause once shes off to school then thats it! shes there untill shes legally an adult.
> 
> DIdnt realise i posted her name with hte status which is now removed.
> 
> *People are so god damn quick to jump at things on here lately*.
> 
> How can you say that when you're the one who wrote the thread in the first place - pot calling kettle blackClick to expand...

wtf are you on about, im not quick at judging anyone, ive known this girl for years like i said :wacko:


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## Janidog

Laura--x said:


> Janidog said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Laura--x said:
> 
> 
> Jesus girls when did this forum become so god damn bitchy!
> 
> Ok i used to wrong word when i said 'shove' i didnt mean it like that, as i said i admire working mums, ALL im trying to say is, my daughter will start nursery when shes 3.5 and be in education up untill the age of 18, it doesnt make me a bad mum for saying i want to spend the 4 years i have with her to the advantage and make the most of it cause once shes off to school then thats it! shes there untill shes legally an adult.
> 
> DIdnt realise i posted her name with hte status which is now removed.
> 
> *People are so god damn quick to jump at things on here lately*.
> 
> How can you say that when you're the one who wrote the thread in the first place - pot calling kettle blackClick to expand...
> 
> wtf are you on about, im not quick at judging anyone, ive known this girl for years like i said :wacko:Click to expand...

But you were quick to jump all over her FB status and then post it here


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## hattiehippo

whoops said:


> Each to their own. I don't have the patience to spend 24/7 with LO, so working actually makes me a better mother in the time I do spend with her.

This is totally me too....Tom is the centre of my world but I would find it so hard to be with him 24/7 and I enjoy my job as well as needing the money I get. And we are so similar in personality that we would clash constantly if I was at home with him all the time - instead I focus on making the 2 days a week I'm at home quality time for us and we have lovely days. 

At the end of the day we're all doing the best we can in the way that works for our own families. If someone wants to put that on their fb status then that's up to them - I'd just ignore it tbh.


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## philly1982

Jkelmum said:


> why do people get so annoyed at others status,s its her page she can write what the hell she likes if u dont like it remove her ..remove her full name from a public forum too ,
> 
> I dont agree with her but it grates on me when people can post anything on there own profile without being chatted about

Haven't you just done the same thing? Moaning because of what she has written on HER thread???:shrug::shrug:


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## sarah0108

:dohh: 

If you don't like what laura had to say don't comment.
She wasn't bashing mums who work at all and i totally understand her point. I have worked and i haven't worked..

No need to pick an arguement.


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## minkymoo

I'm afraid I agree with Janidog. I was kinda with you until you used the words 'shove into nursery' which I'm quite offended by as a working mum. You probably didn't mean to offend but unfortunately it was a poor term to use, just as you see your friend's status as being offensive.

I do see your point though but personally I don't care if someone wants to work, or doesn't. As other posters mention, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Working mums are made to feel like poor parents because they can't afford not to work, or heaven forbid they WANT to.

Personally, like a couple of others on this thread, I am a better woman for working 3 days a week as I felt as though the walls were closing in on me. Not all women enjoy playing pat-a-cake 24/7 :haha:. Each to their own :flower:


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## sophie c

id love to be able to afford to be a SAHM and i think alot of people think i am as im here all day everyday, and they probably assume im on benefits, but in actual fact i work night shifts so that we dont need childcare then i have the girls in the day while my partner works.
i can see both sides, theres no right or wrong, its just personal preference.


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## Wobbles

sarah0108 said:


> :dohh:
> 
> If you don't like what laura had to say don't comment.
> She wasn't bashing mums who work at all and i totally understand her point. I have worked and i haven't worked..
> 
> No need to pick an arguement.

This made me giggle for more than one reason :lol: 

Anyway ...Laura can fight her own battles (if she feels there is one?), friends don't need to come in all protective telling others what to do (leave the thread, etc) nobody else is. Individual opinions/comments and agreement/disagreement of those.


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## KittyVentura

I've seen the arguement that "everyone that can work SHOULD work etc" before when discussing SAHMs. I personally don't get it. Yes, I think that everyone who can work to support themselves should if they can... however many of us SAHMs are completely supported by our husbands/partners and therefore have no NEED to work and are not relying on the "taxpayer" to be at home. 

Surely most women (I say most because I know some do like to return to work for themselves rather than necessity) would take the chance to stay home with their children in the early days... if they did not NEED to work to support themselves?

I totally understand and respect the choice to return to work by all mothers. Whether it be a choice or not... but personally I feel that as I had the luxury of being able to SAH... then I would be wasting a massive opportunity if I did not take that up. I am incredibly career minded, I worked VERY VERY hard to get to the position I was in before I gave up work. I did NOT want to let that go... but I did... and I did so for my children. I'm not the silly little supressed woman that SAHMs are often portrayed as. I will return to my career once my children no longer need me at home. That was a sacrifice I was able to make and personally felt important to do so. We recieve no benefits aside from the current CB... and next year we will no longer recieve that. Honestly... why SHOULD I work at the moment just because I am physically able to? Tosh!

I admire working mums. I just wish more working mums admired SAHMs in return. Neither of us is better than the other. We all do what we feel is best for our children. xx


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## Baby France

I think Laura you need to understand that some (myself included) are very sensitive to 'shoving' our children into nursery. I understand that you didn't mean to offend, however you must understand that most working mums do not wish to 'shove' their children into nursery and may not have a choice.

I wish I could be part time. My job won't allow it and for me to give up my job, means that we would not be able to afford our house etc... It kills me to walk out of the house sometimes. Especially when OH has walked in from night and its a matter of kissing him and the kids and then waving at the window.

I think your 'friend' on FB is a bit insensitive and probably jealous of things that she can't have. I can understand why you are annoyed, but maybe see it from her point of view.

I personally think that we all have a difficult job. I found it really hard running around after my two at home all the time. I find it as equally draining though having to leave them and have the housework stuff still waiting for my attention when I get home everyday.

I think I'm yet to find a mum that doesn't have a bad/off day!


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## babyjiva

i think the notion that all mothers should work is crazy. for starters, it seems much more natural and healthy for children if all mothers did not work. i'm not saying i take that stance either ( so please no offense anyone) but given the two extremes the latter makes much more sense for the development of children, societies, families etc. children were not meant to be in nurseries.
however, of course a lot of moms need to put kids in nurseries for financial reasons, others (as you've said) do not want to play pat-a-cake 24 hours a day and others still simply enjoy working and don't want to give it up. to each their own. personally, i would not have ignored her post. she made a generalization that was offensive - not as offensive as a race/gender generalization, but worthy of being called out on nonetheless.


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## Erinsmummy

I havnt worked since my daughter was born 2 years ago, and i dont intend to untill my youngest is in secondry school. Its tough being a stay at home mum, but i do think mums that work have it tougher! Dont know how they do it, but some have to, and some want to! I live off my partners wage, if i wanted to work i could, but i dont need to, and i dont want to! 

Everyone has different reasons for how they do things, we all parent differently, some think that not working makes you a bad role model and lazy. And some think if you have kids you should be at home with them not out working. I dont agree with either, i say do what you feel is best for your family!


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## RedRose

minkymoo said:


> I'm afraid I agree with Janidog. I was kinda with you until you used the words 'shove into nursery' which I'm quite offended by as a working mum. You probably didn't mean to offend but unfortunately it was a poor term to use, just as you see your friend's status as being offensive.
> 
> I do see your point though but personally I don't care if someone wants to work, or doesn't. As other posters mention, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Working mums are made to feel like poor parents because they can't afford not to work, or heaven forbid they WANT to.
> 
> Personally, like a couple of others on this thread, I am a better woman for working 3 days a week as I felt as though the walls were closing in on me. *Not all women enjoy playing pat-a-cake 24/7 *. Each to their own :flower:


Just to borrow a phrase that you used, I was with you until you used the words 'not all women enjoy playing pat a cake 24/7 :haha:'

No I don't enjoy playing pat a cake 24/7, but guess what, my daughter loves it :thumbup:

I love being a SAHM, and I appreciate that I'm lucky enough to have the chance to do it. I have total respect for mums who have to go to work to pay the bills, it's a no brainer and it's sad that they have to if they don't want to.

And if you just plain don't want to be a SAHM and going to work will make you happier than if you were a SAHM, then you definitely should go to work. No one want a miserable mum, after all :thumbup:


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## BethK

I love my work, in hindsight i should probably have gone back to work after 9 months rather than 1 year.

I don't financially need to work. I choose to work.

I choose to send my LO to nursery. I found an amazing nursery and all the staff are wonderful. My LO absolutely loves it and has come on in leaps and bounds since going. She can't wait to get out of the door in the morning and go and see her friends, you just have to mention their names and she's dead excited. She's talking loads, putting sentences together and can count to 10! She's only 20 months old!

She's amazing, she's so sociable and thrives around other children her own age. I certainly don't need to 'shove' her in there.

I work 2 1/2 days a week and LO is in nursery 3 mornings a week. It's a great balance, makes me much happier and makes DD much happier and it means we enjoy our time together even more.

I do have a problem with the SAHM's i've encountered IRL. They do seem to be a bit more high and mighty toward working mums and look down on us 'poor working mums who can't afford to stay at home'. It does annoy me as they don't even know my financial situation but still judge and pity me for 'having' to work. I just smile and roll my eyes, cos i have the last laugh anyway ;)


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## Reedy

I would love to be a SAHM but we just cant afford to. Finley doesnt go to nursery but he does go to 4 different relatives houses as well as stay at home with daddy when he's at home (he works shifts) I work 25 hrs a week which for me is as near as I'm going to get to being a SAHM. I think we all do what is best for us as a family.
I do think working mums get offended by what SOME SAHM mums say like the response to the FB status as well as SAHM mums getting offended by the things SOME working mums say like the FB status. 
It does upset me when people say things like 'I'm with my child all day everyday, its best for them to have me home, rather than someone else looking after them etc' some people have no choice, it doesnt make them a bad parent or their child lack in development or love for their parents. The same as being a SAHM mum doesnt mean their child is spoilt or that the parents are lazy. 
As mothers we shouldnt judge other mums on the choices they make before knowing why they made that decision x


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## Betheney

i didn't realise there was ever a SAHM vs Working mum thing going on, i know working mums and i know stay at home mums and on both sides we really could care less what the other is doing. I think i heard someone once say "why have a baby if your going to give it to someone else to look after" but other than her pig heade view i don't think i've come across another. 

I can imagine if someone was having a go at SAHMs i wouldn't be too impressed and probably feel rather offended. But seriously all the mums i know... don't really care whether other mums work or not... Maybe because we're Australian and that peice of conflict hasn't made it's way down under yet.... :shrug:

Personally i think it's alot harder to be a working mum, i can't think of anything worse, but i'm lazy and hate working and opposite to career driven i'm also one of the mums who thinks being a mummy is easy and like a super fun holiday, i love spending my entire day with little one and couldn't think of anything better and i am so beyond shattered and distraught that when i start uni this year i'm going to have to put her in daycare... But i understand mummies who love their work and need that time to work or even mums who financially need to work, why would they force themselves to be SAHMs that would be worse for everyone! mother and baby included.

But yeah i don't really get it... some want to be SAHMs some want to be working mums... what's it matter to one another what we choose?

Financially we CAN NOT afford for me to be a SAHM but i'm not prepared to work as i hate work. So i'm going to study which will only require 12 hours per week at Uni and if you study and are on a low income you receive an extra couple of hundred a week from the govt. This seemed the best solution for us as i also get to further my career possibilities as by the time LO is in primary school i should be able to then start work because my degree will be finished. I also don't know how other countries work but in Australia you don't have to pay for your univeristy degree until your earning over $45,000 per year. So i don't have to pay for it yet either.


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## Amy_T

I agree with those who say you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I work because I HAVE to, we just could not live if I didn't, it's as simple as that. I work 28 hours a week but I have a well paid job and earn much more than my husband so I have to be here. 

There are some SAHM's who do make me feel bad for working and say that they can't afford to stay at home either but they manage - if we could 'manage' then I would stay at home but we can't, that's the point. My old manager once said to me that people who say they don't have a choice but to go to work are lying, they're just not willing to sacrifice nice cars, holidays etc to stay at home - this is NOT the case for us either, we scrimp and save to get the things we do have and that does not include holidays and posh cars, we just get by. 

This is the thing - I've spent a whole paragraph justifying myself because I feel like I have to - granted this is probably my own insecurities rather than anyone else's issue... There are constantly things in the media how kids who go to nursery don't develop properly, mum's who don't work will have certain problems - whatever you do you are made to feel guilty as a mother, it's about doing what is right for you, your children and your family. 

I have issues because I desperately wish I could stay at home but I can't so very envious of all you SAHMs :)


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## flower01

hmmmmmm


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## Betheney

Amy_T said:


> I agree with those who say you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. I work because I HAVE to, we just could not live if I didn't, it's as simple as that. I work 28 hours a week but I have a well paid job and earn much more than my husband so I have to be here.
> 
> There are some SAHM's who do make me feel bad for working and say that they can't afford to stay at home either but they manage - if we could 'manage' then I would stay at home but we can't, that's the point. My old manager once said to me that people who say they don't have a choice but to go to work are lying, they're just not willing to sacrifice nice cars, holidays etc to stay at home - this is NOT the case for us either, we scrimp and save to get the things we do have and that does not include holidays and posh cars, we just get by.
> 
> This is the thing - I've spent a whole paragraph justifying myself because I feel like I have to - granted this is probably my own insecurities rather than anyone else's issue... There are constantly things in the media how kids who go to nursery don't develop properly, mum's who don't work will have certain problems - whatever you do you are made to feel guilty as a mother, it's about doing what is right for you, your children and your family.
> 
> I have issues because I desperately wish I could stay at home but I can't so very envious of all you SAHMs :)

WOW! that sucks so badly that you sacrifice so much and work so hard and do the best that you can and then have people tell you that your lying you just don't want to sacrifice your lifestyle or that you didn't try your best at "managing" at home... that really sucks... to work so hard and then to be looked down upon... 

It's true you really are damned if you do and damned if you don't


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## OmarsMum

My friend has 3 under two (twins & a baby who are 14 months apart). She works full time from 8 am to 5 pm, she sends her youngest to a daycare & her twins to a CM. What she gets paid goes to the nursery & CM but she works for her sanity. She can't spend all day with kids, She tried but it didn't work, she almost went through depression. I respect her choice. 

My aunt who's 3 years older than me has 4 kids (12, 10, 5 & 2), she works as a teacher & she's doing great. She's a great mum & wife, & she's very successful at work. 

For me, I can't imagine going to work even if it's part time, I can't leave Omar. Before having him, I was so career oriented & I had a very successful job. I have a post grad degree & several certificates. I never thought I will be a SAHM one day, I thought that I will go back to work once Omar is a bit older, but now going back to work is out of question. I enjoy playing pat-a- cake 24/7 ;)

I respect working mums, many of my friends work full time & they have 2-3 kids & they can manage & they have very well behaved smart kids, but it's not for me.


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## Laura--x

Ive already said i used the incorrect word and i apolgoise if i caused offence to anyone using it, but i didnt say that all working mums 'shove' their kids into nursery, i was having a rant when i wrote it because i was pissed off by what the girl said. People take offence to that sort of thing like i did and i was just stating that i enjoyed being a sahm mom and i didnt want to put her into nursery any earlier than i needed too. Dont get me wrong, im always looking for jobs and if one comes along that is part time and if i can get someone to look after lo or nursery sorted then of course ill go, but nobody has the right to say thta all mums SHOULD WORK and have no reason not to work when its personal preference of what people want to do!


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## OmarsMum

Laura--x said:


> Ive already said i used the incorrect word and i apolgoise if i caused offence to anyone using it, but i didnt say that all working mums 'shove' their kids into nursery, i was having a rant when i wrote it because i was pissed off by what the girl said. People take offence to that sort of thing like i did and i was just stating that i enjoyed being a sahm mom and i didnt want to put her into nursery any earlier than i needed too. Dont get me wrong, im always looking for jobs and if one comes along that is part time and if i can get someone to look after lo or nursery sorted then of course ill go, *but nobody has the right to say thta all mums SHOULD WORK and have no reason not to work when its personal preference of what people want to do!*

:hugs: I agree with this. I got criticized when I decided to stay at home when I got pregnant. My mum still asks me if I will go to work one day, as for her I'm wasting all what I worked for earlier. She's always been a SAHM, so she doesn't really understand that working & raising kids can be stressful for some. 

SAHM is a full time job Hun, I'm always on the run, I don't get some peace until Omar goes to bed or when he goes for a nap. But it's paying so well, I enjoy being around him all day, I don't really care what others think. :hugs:


----------



## Betheney

Laura--x said:


> Ive already said i used the incorrect word and i apolgoise if i caused offence to anyone using it, but i didnt say that all working mums 'shove' their kids into nursery, i was having a rant when i wrote it because i was pissed off by what the girl said. People take offence to that sort of thing like i did and i was just stating that i enjoyed being a sahm mom and i didnt want to put her into nursery any earlier than i needed too. Dont get me wrong, im always looking for jobs and if one comes along that is part time and if i can get someone to look after lo or nursery sorted then of course ill go, but nobody has the right to say thta all mums SHOULD WORK and have no reason not to work when its personal preference of what people want to do!

I've noticed that the worst thing to do is post something on BnB when your in a foul mood or when a post get's up your back because no doubt something you say will offend people further. I got really defensive about a thread on here once and it grated me badly so i responded angrily as i was very annoyed only to offend 90% of BnB. So now even when i post annoys me i wait until i don't feel annoyed anymore and my comments are usually much more constructive and i get abused much less. lol. Now that you've calmed down since originally reading your friends FB post i bet you can now imagine a much nicer way to post your upset over it. 

Love

P.S. I think the only exception to this would be a mother in law post. lol. We all love a good bitch about a horrid mother in law.


----------



## RileysMummy

Not read the whole thread but think people need to calm down abit.

Hard to give an opinion on this for me really. As we're a forces couple posted abroad, it's the norm for most of the mothers to be sahm's. Of course some mothers work but with the chance of the guys going away to train and deploy any time most choose not to including myself. I enjoy being a sahm, with my husband working long hours and away quite often, I feel it's important for US for me to be there for Millie. I love the time we have together. But that's not saying somedays I get stressed and think damn I would love to be the working one and hubby home. And in the future I do want to work again, but for now we're all happy.

I respect mothers, whether they're staying at home or working, all everyone is trying to do is do the best by their families!

xxx


----------



## Jchihuahua

I would LOVE to be a SAHM. Being on maternity leave at the moment is showing me how great it can be. I have taken Daisy to all her groups for the first time (usually daddy does it). We've been to tumble tots, rhythm time, toddler group, messy play group, soft play, the library...basically something every day and I'm loving it! Its going to make returning to work much harder. BUT I am the main earner in our household and if I didn't work we wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage so I have no choice but to work full time. I love my job and wouldn't want to do anything else in terms of a career but I just wish I could put it on hold until the kids were school age. I have to go back to work when Tommy is only 4 months old as we can't afford for me to have any longer and it is tough. I am so envious of SAHMs and in an ideal world that's what I'd be.


----------



## mrsthomas623

For me- Being a SAMH is the best thing, I get to spend everyday with my little man (soon to be little men :)) and as much as I wouldn't change it... there are somedays, I wish I could go to work. :haha: Just as I am sure, most moms who enjoy their work have days where they would love to stay home. My heart goes out to those who would like to stay home, but cannot.

Its whatever financially and MENTALLY works for us that make us the best parents for our LOs. I know I personally feel bad for working moms but funny thing is most of my mom friends work and feel bad for ME. :haha:


----------



## tu123

I was taking home £3000 a mth which is good money for a nurse, i worked hard for my Masters and then decided i didnt want to go back to my old place of work. In short, my career at this moment is OVER! I now work as a general surgical nurse on the Bank at the weekends, o the bottom of the ladder and treated like that too. I only take £1200 for this, but no childcare fees as hubby is at home with LO. And yes, life has changed. No new clothes, no holidays, yadda, yadda. We just simply could not justify the £1600 to £2000 a month nursery fees in Wimbledon, London.

I would love to be a full time SAHM, which i will be with the second as hubby has got a better paying job but some people just cant.

I used to rave about my sister who has never worked but chose to have 7 kids and wants more but uses a Bugaboo and sells it on when she is bored. And has a lush 5 bedroom house paid for by the council, whilst we pay £1000 for a one bed flat in rent a month and still paying a grand between us in education fees. But hubby said, she will always be like that and her future is more one dimensional than what ours is.

I do agree with one poster who said that sometimes it is cheaper for mums t be on benefits, but it does grate me when you get people like my sister who are on benefits but still chooses to have more kids:shrug: BUT, not her fault. The government lets it be so.

And the government has made it harder now for mums to go back to work as they have reduced the aid for childcare costs. I watched a porgramme once about a Job Centre who ran a Get Back to Work programme. One poor lady was so excited as her kids were now at school and she could work. She got a job at Pound land which paid her £1100 a month. But she was getting £1300 in benefits and half the rent paid.

Very, very tricky.

Anyway OP. Sounds like this girl is just jealous and having a bad moment:thumbup:


----------



## feeble

I'm a stay at home feminist :) 

I think its high time we stopped judging everyone by male standards and instead allowed the traditionally female roles as much respect as we give the traditionally male roles. 

i think having two parents out at work is bad for the economy and bad for the community. 

its something i feel very strongly about, your friend would NOT want me on her facebook LOL


----------



## Jkelmum

philly1982 said:


> Jkelmum said:
> 
> 
> why do people get so annoyed at others status,s its her page she can write what the hell she likes if u dont like it remove her ..remove her full name from a public forum too ,
> 
> I dont agree with her but it grates on me when people can post anything on there own profile without being chatted about
> 
> Haven't you just done the same thing? Moaning because of what she has written on HER thread???:shrug::shrug:Click to expand...

yes I wrote on her thread to her face not behind her back posting her full name :wacko:


----------



## Neneie

feeble said:


> I'm a stay at home feminist :)
> 
> I think its high time we stopped judging everyone by male standards and instead allowed the traditionally female roles as much respect as we give the traditionally male roles.
> 
> *i think having two parents out at work is bad for the economy and bad for the community. *
> 
> its something i feel very strongly about, your friend would NOT want me on her facebook LOL

??? Not quite sure what you are trying to say here? Do you mean out of work? x


----------



## tu123

Neneie said:


> feeble said:
> 
> 
> I'm a stay at home feminist :)
> 
> I think its high time we stopped judging everyone by male standards and instead allowed the traditionally female roles as much respect as we give the traditionally male roles.
> 
> *i think having two parents out at work is bad for the economy and bad for the community. *
> 
> its something i feel very strongly about, your friend would NOT want me on her facebook LOL
> 
> ??? Not quite sure what you are trying to say here? Do you mean out of work? xClick to expand...

I think it is meant as both parents out working, but please correct me as i maybe wrong:thumbup:

Kinda get what feeble means as well. There is just so much stress, stress and more stress on mums these days. I love that womne now have more available to them now, but you should hear the comments i get from other mums when i say i do hubby's ironing and make his work lunch! they look at me like i am a weirdo!


----------



## Neneie

tu123 said:


> Neneie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> feeble said:
> 
> 
> I'm a stay at home feminist :)
> 
> I think its high time we stopped judging everyone by male standards and instead allowed the traditionally female roles as much respect as we give the traditionally male roles.
> 
> *i think having two parents out at work is bad for the economy and bad for the community. *
> 
> its something i feel very strongly about, your friend would NOT want me on her facebook LOL
> 
> ??? Not quite sure what you are trying to say here? Do you mean out of work? xClick to expand...
> 
> I think it is meant as both parents out working, but please correct me as i maybe wrong:thumbup:
> 
> Kinda get what feeble means as well. There is just so much stress, stress and more stress on mums these days. I love that womne now have more available to them now, but you should hear the comments i get from other mums when i say i do hubby's ironing and make his work lunch! they look at me like i am a weirdo!Click to expand...

How can both parents out working be bad for the economy?? don't understand that. 

There is so much stress and my mum always says to me "oh we never had this in my day I never left any of you" I have worked hard for my career and qualified as a Solicitor in 2008 and had my first child in 2010. I went back to work after 8 months off mainly due to the financial situation. I also do not think that I could stay at home full time. I work 4 days a week and would ideally like to work 2 or 3. I am currently pregnant with my second and will be going back to work after my second too. Yes it will be stressful but I would find it more stressful to not be able to afford to pay the bills and not be able to take my children anywhere as I can't afford it.

Why do people find it funny that you do the ironing??? I do 90% of the household chores ie cooking, cleaning, ironing etc. My OH takes care of the diy etc so maybe we do have typical sterotype roles but I also work! x


----------



## Betheney

This reminds me of something that i feel VERY VERY passionate about.

I quite often by family and friends get crucified because i have no desire to have a career or a successful job. All i want and all i have ever wanted is to be a mother! yes i would like to provide for my kids and i have to afford my kids but all i want is to have babies and raise a family and be there for them all day inside and out and do everything i can for my husband, i love being a mother and love doing it 24/7 i don't find it difficult and i feel that this is what i was put on this earth for and i have so much fun doing it, i've never had this much fun doing anything, i have a realy passion for being a mother to my daughter all day every day.

EVERYONE gives me shit for this, they say i should look beyond and i should want a career and want to be successful and "make something of myself" leave me the eff alone!! I hate working, i'm quite happy being poor, i was raised in a very low income earning household and i cherish my childhood so much, i have no desire for travel or nice things, i live a penny pinching existence at the moment and am in LOVE with the heavenly blissful life i have, i don't think i have ever been happier.

but my rant is not that some people want jobs and that some people don't it's that WE SHOULD ALL BE LEFT ALONE TO DO AS WE WISH!!!

So many years ago women wanted to be successful and have amazing careers but couldn't because women weren't as accepted in the work force, thankfully times changed and we are all now more equal. But NOW if you choose the opposite if you choose to become a stay at home mother and are content with this life and happy with nothing more than your ridiculed for it, like i am.

It's not fair to say women should just be mothers and follow the traditional female roles how mean to tell a mother that desires to become a doctor or anything really that she shouldn't want those things and have to ignore those desires because it's untraditional, or a mother who just needs time to work and do something she loves (her job) which helps her be a better mother because she's doing something that keeps her happy and sane, that she shouldn't because it's untraditional, just as it isn't fair to say they should aim higher than motherhood and want to have high paying careers.

Whatever choice the woman chose, whichever she went with should be accepted and embraced by her friends, family and others. We are lucky to have both choices. Neither should be frowned upon EVER!


----------



## feeble

> How can both parents out working be bad for the economy?? don't understand that.

Because we have found ourselves in a situation when the cost of living is justified by there being 2 high wage earners per family. 

So for those who struggle to get even 1 decent wage earner per family, it is not worth working, the cost of living is SO high that benefits has to cover more than an average wage earner would earn, because without two wage earners, you literally 'dont' have enough money to live. 

The invention of Tax Credits did (is) helping, but by that point the damage is done. 

The fact is, especially now with a lack of industry, lack of jobs and especially lack of highly paid jobs, it does no good whatsoever for the economy to have 2 high wage earners per family, you just end up with a situation where unless your earning LOADS, there is no point earning at all. 

The government (in a way) are stuck between a rock and a hard place, they cannot give people on benefits LESS than the cost of living, or we would go back to slums and poverty, which i dont think anyone wants, yet there are simply not the jobs to fill this need for 'everyone' to work. 

As for the community, well because literally everybody who has inclination to, is out at work, we have little to no communities anymore, we are in a situation where our young, elderly and disabled are in sub-standard care because there is simply not the community that there used to be. 

Hospitals are full of elderly who could easily be cared for at home, but there is no one at home because our communities are none existant. 

I know its probably not a view that is shared by everyone, i am sure there are many who are going to jump on me and say 'WELL IN MY SITUATION LALALA' but actually, its OKAY if we feel differently about things... 

I am a stay at home feminist, i believe there is a role in the home, i believe it is a role that is judged, belittled and discouraged in society, we are in a position where we judge people on what they 'do' outside of the home, what there role is in the traditionally male society we are so accustomed to. 

When (regardless of the sex performing the duties) there is a role in the community, the home and with the children... Because of the lack of that we have a government that is not paying families to survive without having any jobs, we are also having to pay for government care for people who cannot afford care or help in their old age.


----------



## tu123

Neneie said:


> tu123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Neneie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> feeble said:
> 
> 
> I'm a stay at home feminist :)
> 
> I think its high time we stopped judging everyone by male standards and instead allowed the traditionally female roles as much respect as we give the traditionally male roles.
> 
> *i think having two parents out at work is bad for the economy and bad for the community. *
> 
> its something i feel very strongly about, your friend would NOT want me on her facebook LOL
> 
> ??? Not quite sure what you are trying to say here? Do you mean out of work? xClick to expand...
> 
> I think it is meant as both parents out working, but please correct me as i maybe wrong:thumbup:
> 
> Kinda get what feeble means as well. There is just so much stress, stress and more stress on mums these days. I love that womne now have more available to them now, but you should hear the comments i get from other mums when i say i do hubby's ironing and make his work lunch! they look at me like i am a weirdo!Click to expand...
> 
> How can both parents out working be bad for the economy?? don't understand that.
> 
> There is so much stress and my mum always says to me "oh we never had this in my day I never left any of you" I have worked hard for my career and qualified as a Solicitor in 2008 and had my first child in 2010. I went back to work after 8 months off mainly due to the financial situation. I also do not think that I could stay at home full time. I work 4 days a week and would ideally like to work 2 or 3. I am currently pregnant with my second and will be going back to work after my second too. Yes it will be stressful but I would find it more stressful to not be able to afford to pay the bills and not be able to take my children anywhere as I can't afford it.
> 
> Why do people find it funny that you do the ironing??? I do 90% of the household chores ie cooking, cleaning, ironing etc. My OH takes care of the diy etc so maybe we do have typical sterotype roles but I also work! xClick to expand...

For mums around here they are mostly stay at home and look at you as if to say "poor you" when i say i work weekends. But they still dont do things for their hubby like iron his shirts, etc! Case of have your cake and eat it in my town where all the mums look freshly manicured and trot about in their brand names, without consideration for hubby who does all the work!

I think my town is a bit like that anyway, which is another reason why i would like to get out!

Regarding stress-i think i personally put the stress on myself and some women do too. I got my Masters and got the dream job and wanted to keep it and stressed and stressed over raising my daughter and continuing. Women have more available to them so why not make the most of it. The government is also pushing women to get back to work sooner, whlst reducing help to do that. Myself, like your family i am sure do not qualify for credits for childcare. We just couldnt justify £1600 a month for childcare:shrug: And i had to let go of my career. For the moment anyway.


----------



## tu123

feeble said:


> How can both parents out working be bad for the economy?? don't understand that.
> 
> Because we have found ourselves in a situation when the cost of living is justified by there being 2 high wage earners per family.
> 
> So for those who struggle to get even 1 decent wage earner per family, it is not worth working, the cost of living is SO high that benefits has to cover more than an average wage earner would earn, because without two wage earners, you literally 'dont' have enough money to live.
> 
> The invention of Tax Credits did (is) helping, but by that point the damage is done.
> 
> The fact is, especially now with a lack of industry, lack of jobs and especially lack of highly paid jobs, it does no good whatsoever for the economy to have 2 high wage earners per family, you just end up with a situation where unless your earning LOADS, there is no point earning at all.
> 
> The government (in a way) are stuck between a rock and a hard place, they cannot give people on benefits LESS than the cost of living, or we would go back to slums and poverty, which i dont think anyone wants, yet there are simply not the jobs to fill this need for 'everyone' to work.
> 
> As for the community, well because literally everybody who has inclination to, is out at work, we have little to no communities anymore, we are in a situation where our young, elderly and disabled are in sub-standard care because there is simply not the community that there used to be.
> 
> Hospitals are full of elderly who could easily be cared for at home, but there is no one at home because our communities are none existant.
> 
> I know its probably not a view that is shared by everyone, i am sure there are many who are going to jump on me and say 'WELL IN MY SITUATION LALALA' but actually, its OKAY if we feel differently about things...
> 
> I am a stay at home feminist, i believe there is a role in the home, i believe it is a role that is judged, belittled and discouraged in society, we are in a position where we judge people on what they 'do' outside of the home, what there role is in the traditionally male society we are so accustomed to.
> 
> When (regardless of the sex performing the duties) there is a role in the community, the home and with the children... Because of the lack of that we have a government that is not paying families to survive without having any jobs, we are also having to pay for government care for people who cannot afford care or help in their old age.Click to expand...

Nicely worded. 

I cant write what i feel in any way that makes sense:haha:

Especially agree with the elderly in hospital. Obviously i see this all the time as a nurse. Some of my colleagues are from overseas. Many Phillipino nurses were quite shocked when they first came to the UK in the 90s. That all these elderly (who could have been in a nursing home or at home) were being bed bathed and fed by nurses. Back home, the family comes in to do this. 

I had a lovely lady from Nigeria last week whose family wouldnt let me touch her! They did it all, apart from any of the clinical stuff! And the patients themselves are sooo much happier which really impacts their health.


----------



## smokey

feeble said:


> I'm a stay at home feminist :)
> 
> I think its high time we stopped judging everyone by male standards and instead allowed the traditionally female roles as much respect as we give the traditionally male roles.
> i think having two parents out at work is bad for the economy and bad for the community.
> 
> its something i feel very strongly about, your friend would NOT want me on her facebook LOL

Ill take this one in humour im hoping it was intended :)

Id rather be bad for the economy having both of us working then add to the economy problems of havi.g neither of us working


----------



## Neneie

feeble said:


> How can both parents out working be bad for the economy?? don't understand that.
> 
> Because we have found ourselves in a situation when the cost of living is justified by there being 2 high wage earners per family.
> 
> So for those who struggle to get even 1 decent wage earner per family, it is not worth working, the cost of living is SO high that benefits has to cover more than an average wage earner would earn, because without two wage earners, you literally 'dont' have enough money to live.
> 
> The invention of Tax Credits did (is) helping, but by that point the damage is done.
> 
> The fact is, especially now with a lack of industry, lack of jobs and especially lack of highly paid jobs, it does no good whatsoever for the economy to have 2 high wage earners per family, you just end up with a situation where unless your earning LOADS, there is no point earning at all.
> 
> The government (in a way) are stuck between a rock and a hard place, they cannot give people on benefits LESS than the cost of living, or we would go back to slums and poverty, which i dont think anyone wants, yet there are simply not the jobs to fill this need for 'everyone' to work.
> 
> As for the community, well because literally everybody who has inclination to, is out at work, we have little to no communities anymore, we are in a situation where our young, elderly and disabled are in sub-standard care because there is simply not the community that there used to be.
> 
> Hospitals are full of elderly who could easily be cared for at home, but there is no one at home because our communities are none existant.
> 
> I know its probably not a view that is shared by everyone, i am sure there are many who are going to jump on me and say 'WELL IN MY SITUATION LALALA' but actually, its OKAY if we feel differently about things...
> 
> I am a stay at home feminist, i believe there is a role in the home, i believe it is a role that is judged, belittled and discouraged in society, we are in a position where we judge people on what they 'do' outside of the home, what there role is in the traditionally male society we are so accustomed to.
> 
> When (regardless of the sex performing the duties) there is a role in the community, the home and with the children... Because of the lack of that we have a government that is not paying families to survive without having any jobs, we are also having to pay for government care for people who cannot afford care or help in their old age.Click to expand...

I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one!

I do not think that the cost of living is justified by having 2 parents working and earning high salaries. I know people who earn an average wage and only one parent works and the other stays at home. They seem to survive. It depends on what you are happy with yourself I suppose. I personally am not happy to have no extra money for holidays, days out etc. We possibly could survive on my husband's wage along (and will be doing effectively when I go on maternity leave in July) but I will be going back to work.

If you are happy to stay at home and carry out the more traditional roles of a woman then I say good luck to you as really it does not matter to anybody but you! :thumbup:


----------



## Neneie

tu123 said:


> Neneie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> tu123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Neneie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> feeble said:
> 
> 
> I'm a stay at home feminist :)
> 
> I think its high time we stopped judging everyone by male standards and instead allowed the traditionally female roles as much respect as we give the traditionally male roles.
> 
> *i think having two parents out at work is bad for the economy and bad for the community. *
> 
> its something i feel very strongly about, your friend would NOT want me on her facebook LOL
> 
> ??? Not quite sure what you are trying to say here? Do you mean out of work? xClick to expand...
> 
> I think it is meant as both parents out working, but please correct me as i maybe wrong:thumbup:
> 
> Kinda get what feeble means as well. There is just so much stress, stress and more stress on mums these days. I love that womne now have more available to them now, but you should hear the comments i get from other mums when i say i do hubby's ironing and make his work lunch! they look at me like i am a weirdo!Click to expand...
> 
> How can both parents out working be bad for the economy?? don't understand that.
> 
> There is so much stress and my mum always says to me "oh we never had this in my day I never left any of you" I have worked hard for my career and qualified as a Solicitor in 2008 and had my first child in 2010. I went back to work after 8 months off mainly due to the financial situation. I also do not think that I could stay at home full time. I work 4 days a week and would ideally like to work 2 or 3. I am currently pregnant with my second and will be going back to work after my second too. Yes it will be stressful but I would find it more stressful to not be able to afford to pay the bills and not be able to take my children anywhere as I can't afford it.
> 
> Why do people find it funny that you do the ironing??? I do 90% of the household chores ie cooking, cleaning, ironing etc. My OH takes care of the diy etc so maybe we do have typical sterotype roles but I also work! xClick to expand...
> 
> For mums around here they are mostly stay at home and look at you as if to say "poor you" when i say i work weekends. But they still dont do things for their hubby like iron his shirts, etc! Case of have your cake and eat it in my town where all the mums look freshly manicured and trot about in their brand names, without consideration for hubby who does all the work!
> 
> I think my town is a bit like that anyway, which is another reason why i would like to get out!
> 
> Regarding stress-i think i personally put the stress on myself and some women do too. I got my Masters and got the dream job and wanted to keep it and stressed and stressed over raising my daughter and continuing. Women have more available to them so why not make the most of it. The government is also pushing women to get back to work sooner, whlst reducing help to do that. Myself, like your family i am sure do not qualify for credits for childcare. We just couldnt justify £1600 a month for childcare:shrug: And i had to let go of my career. For the moment anyway.Click to expand...

I would just ignore them. I have felt I have been 'looked down on' by various people as I went back to work and made to feel guilty. At first I did but after a while I thought no I won't feel guilty anymore, this is my life and I will do want I want and it does not concern anyone else as I am not asking any of them to look after my child or pay my bills etc. 

We do not qualify for any help financially by way of tax credits althought I am lucky in some regards my mum looks after LO 3 days a week and she goes to nursery one day. Although this may change once I have the second as I am not sure that it will be fair for my mum to be expected to look after 2 small children. Hopefully I can reduce my days at some point! I am sure that you will be able to return to your career when your children are older, at least you have a choice in that regard. My mum never got a career as she was SAHM and in the last few years as we are all grown up she has not been able to find a well paid job due to her lack of further education and training.


----------



## feeble

Neneie said:


> feeble said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> How can both parents out working be bad for the economy?? don't understand that.
> 
> Because we have found ourselves in a situation when the cost of living is justified by there being 2 high wage earners per family.
> 
> So for those who struggle to get even 1 decent wage earner per family, it is not worth working, the cost of living is SO high that benefits has to cover more than an average wage earner would earn, because without two wage earners, you literally 'dont' have enough money to live.
> 
> The invention of Tax Credits did (is) helping, but by that point the damage is done.
> 
> The fact is, especially now with a lack of industry, lack of jobs and especially lack of highly paid jobs, it does no good whatsoever for the economy to have 2 high wage earners per family, you just end up with a situation where unless your earning LOADS, there is no point earning at all.
> 
> The government (in a way) are stuck between a rock and a hard place, they cannot give people on benefits LESS than the cost of living, or we would go back to slums and poverty, which i dont think anyone wants, yet there are simply not the jobs to fill this need for 'everyone' to work.
> 
> As for the community, well because literally everybody who has inclination to, is out at work, we have little to no communities anymore, we are in a situation where our young, elderly and disabled are in sub-standard care because there is simply not the community that there used to be.
> 
> Hospitals are full of elderly who could easily be cared for at home, but there is no one at home because our communities are none existant.
> 
> I know its probably not a view that is shared by everyone, i am sure there are many who are going to jump on me and say 'WELL IN MY SITUATION LALALA' but actually, its OKAY if we feel differently about things...
> 
> I am a stay at home feminist, i believe there is a role in the home, i believe it is a role that is judged, belittled and discouraged in society, we are in a position where we judge people on what they 'do' outside of the home, what there role is in the traditionally male society we are so accustomed to.
> 
> When (regardless of the sex performing the duties) there is a role in the community, the home and with the children... Because of the lack of that we have a government that is not paying families to survive without having any jobs, we are also having to pay for government care for people who cannot afford care or help in their old age.Click to expand...
> 
> I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one!Click to expand...

Thats fine :thumbup:



> I do not think that the cost of living is justified by having 2 parents working and earning high salaries.

It absolutely is, look at the price of mortgages, they are completely based upon two high wage earners, owning your own home IS one of the costs of living. 



> I know people who earn an average wage and only one parent works and the other stays at home. They seem to survive.

With no assistance? Or do they survive with tax credits etc? 

Unless you are on 30k+ (which most of the population are not) then it is very difficult to survive, unless you are in social housing and have very low rents.



> It depends on what you are happy with yourself I suppose.

I am happy with enough food on the table, clothes for the kids and myself and husband and perhaps a little bit for extras



> I personally am not happy to have no extra money for holidays, days out etc.

These things should be affordable to those who have one high wage earner... it should not take two to pay off a home AND have a few luxuries! Thats a bad economy.



> We possibly could survive on my husband's wage along (and will be doing effectively when I go on maternity leave in July) but I will be going back to work.




> If you are happy to stay at home and carry out the more traditional roles of a woman then I say good luck to you as really it does not matter to anybody but you! :thumbup:

I am very happy with it thanks :) 

I dont necessarily think that it should be 'the woman' who stays at home, i think either sex could do that, but it is a job and it is one that needs doing and is lacking in our current society.


----------



## Neneie

ok :happydance:


----------



## chubbin

*[/QUOTE]

Hospitals are full of elderly who could easily be cared for at home, but there is no one at home because our communities are none existant. *

I found reading your response interesting Feeble, and I agree with most of it. I want to question the above statement though, because Im not sure it's quite right.
The Delayed Discharges Act 2003 (love it or hate it) was brought in to prevent what you have said from happening. For every night that a person is in hospital when they dont need to be, the NHS charge Social Services £100 per night until they are placed in a residential setting. This affects older people more than any other service user type, based on the relatively large number of older people being hospitalised in the first place. Having worked as a Social Worker with older people myself, I can assure you that Social Services are pretty hasty about getting people placed in residential care from hospital once a £100 per night charge becomes a real prospect!
So, whilst it might seem that older people are in hospital when they dont need to be, its probably not the case at all. I felt compelled to correct you because when older people are seen to be 'bed blocking', it tarnishes public opinion of this already 'invisible' and discriminatated against social group.


----------



## feeble

Let me elaborate, elderly people often get themselves into a position where they cannot comfortably go to the toilet/dress etc 

they are then admitted to hospital, they are then given government funded care workers, who come to the house to make a cup of tea in the afternoon, or help with dressing and breakfasts. 

The point is that those carers are STILL government funded and they are put in place after the social have signed the forms, dotted the i's and got that care in place, wether it is done in hospital or not (which it is in the short-term) it is all funded by the government, the tax payer and a direct result of everyone who is able being out at work working for other people... When actually there are jobs in the community which also need work/support etc 

Perhaps hospitals arent full of elderly people who just need help being fed and watered, but the government is still paying for those people regardless x


----------



## chubbin

feeble said:


> Let me elaborate, elderly people often get themselves into a position where they cannot comfortably go to the toilet/dress etc
> 
> they are then admitted to hospital, they are then given government funded care workers, who come to the house to make a cup of tea in the afternoon, or help with dressing and breakfasts.
> 
> The point is that those carers are STILL government funded and they are put in place after the social have signed the forms, dotted the i's and got that care in place, wether it is done in hospital or not (which it is in the short-term) it is all funded by the government, the tax payer and a direct result of everyone who is able being out at work working for other people... When actually there are jobs in the community which also need work/support etc
> 
> Perhaps hospitals arent full of elderly people who just need help being fed and watered, but the government is still paying for those people regardless x

Yes, I agree. If you'd said _'residential care homes_ are full of older people...' etc, instead of _hospitals_, then sadly you would have been absolutely correct xx


----------



## feeble

Well thank you so much for correcting me and allowing us both to clarify further :) xxx


----------



## chubbin

feeble said:


> Well thank you so much for correcting me and allowing us both to clarify further :) xxx

:thumbup:


----------



## indy and lara

KittyVentura said:


> I've seen the arguement that "everyone that can work SHOULD work etc" before when discussing SAHMs. I personally don't get it. Yes, I think that everyone who can work to support themselves should if they can... however many of us SAHMs are completely supported by our husbands/partners and therefore have no NEED to work and are not relying on the "taxpayer" to be at home.
> 
> Surely most women (I say most because I know some do like to return to work for themselves rather than necessity) would take the chance to stay home with their children in the early days... if they did not NEED to work to support themselves?
> 
> I totally understand and respect the choice to return to work by all mothers. Whether it be a choice or not... but personally I feel that as I had the luxury of being able to SAH... then I would be wasting a massive opportunity if I did not take that up. I am incredibly career minded, I worked VERY VERY hard to get to the position I was in before I gave up work. I did NOT want to let that go... but I did... and I did so for my children. I'm not the silly little supressed woman that SAHMs are often portrayed as. I will return to my career once my children no longer need me at home. That was a sacrifice I was able to make and personally felt important to do so. We recieve no benefits aside from the current CB... and next year we will no longer recieve that. Honestly... why SHOULD I work at the moment just because I am physically able to? Tosh!
> 
> I admire working mums. I just wish more working mums admired SAHMs in return. Neither of us is better than the other. We all do what we feel is best for our children. xx

Well said Kitty. Like you I don't work but my husband does and his salary fully funds our family(and a lot else when you see his staggering monthly tax bill). We too will only get CB until the changes come into play and then we will receive nowt. As far as I am concerned it is our business how we decide to bring up our daughter. It does not impact on anyone else, nor are we asking for someone else to financially support us.

Before Em work was very important to me and I regularly worked 50+ hours as well as working towards my Masters on the side. However, I see what I do now as every bit as important as working was. In our house we value what I do although it is often belittled by others. I agree Kitty, why should I work out of home when I do not have to?


----------



## captainj1

Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives. 

I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does. He could stop working tomorrow, and we would obviously be fine. He chooses to work because he doesn't want to stay at home full time and it is pretty difficult for him in the role he is in to go part time.

We could live off what he earns (although we would have to move house probably as the cost of upkeep of it are high) but I didnt want to be at home full time and doing my job part time wasn't an option. Plus when you earn a lot it is to give that up and go back to watching the pennies. Plus my LO is hard hard work, doesn't play independently, is either laughing or screaming, a man of extremes. I honestly think being at home is harder work in many ways. But it isn't mentally enough for me. 

Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me out.

:0)


----------



## RachA

I am in tots agreement with Feeble on this.

Even going back 17 years the price that the average person paid for something like a 3 bed smallish house was around £100,000 maximum. Now, especially in our area which is not at all posh, you are talking £250,000 plus. Obviously wages have increased etc but not by that much at all - the sole reason for properties being so much more to buy is because mortgage companies take 2 earners into account. Whilst i was working and single i would not of even been able to buy a 1 bed flat on what i was paid and that is actually wrong.


I also agree with the elderly thing too. I watched both my OH's granddads go from being 100% fit and well to dying within the space of 12-18 months and i believe that the main reason for that was because OH's mum was working in a job that she didn't 'need' to do finically, Grandad's were put in care homes and gave up the will to live. Obviously that is quite a simplistic way to look at it but i do think that we shouldn't be passing on the responsibility onto people that actually don't care about the patients but rather the money they earn.


----------



## feeble

the government are trying to cut tax credits for SAHM :(


----------



## RachA

feeble said:


> the government are trying to cut tax credits for SAHM :(

They are making it very difficult for SAHM's to stay at home but i'm not sure how they would find jobs even if they wanted to so it doesn't make sense to me.


----------



## Lightworker

Laura--x said:


> I actually like this girl, we used to be friends at school. This is not the first status like this shes put on, people like this piss me off.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If your a mommy and work - like this status..cuz it looks like there ain't many of us these days ladies!!
> 
> Why is it such a god damn big deal if your a working mum or stay at home mum? I commented saying ' whats wrong with moms that dont work? and she replied ' cause theres no need not to work, unless your physically unable too' :shrug:
> 
> What about if i want to be a stay at home mum, what if i enjoy spending everyday with my daughter and knowing that everything shes learning is being taught by me? What about if i dont want to shove her into nursrey any earlier than she neeeds to be because come september shes going to be there for the next 14 years of her life!
> 
> I admire working moms and i cant wait to get back to work when maisie starts nursery, but why is it so bad to want to wait? jesus!

Do you think you might be sub-consciously judging yourself and then coming up with the justification for your decision to be a SAHM? That FB status really was just looking for support and acknowledgement from other working moms..i don't think it meant to put down SAHMs.


----------



## feeble

RachA said:


> feeble said:
> 
> 
> the government are trying to cut tax credits for SAHM :(
> 
> They are making it very difficult for SAHM's to stay at home but i'm not sure how they would find jobs even if they wanted to so it doesn't make sense to me.Click to expand...

Exactly... There simply aren't the jobs! Those jobs that do exist should be going to families with no working parent surely...


----------



## RachA

feeble said:


> RachA said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> feeble said:
> 
> 
> the government are trying to cut tax credits for SAHM :(
> 
> They are making it very difficult for SAHM's to stay at home but i'm not sure how they would find jobs even if they wanted to so it doesn't make sense to me.Click to expand...
> 
> Exactly... There simply aren't the jobs! Those jobs that do exist should be going to families with no working parent surely...Click to expand...

Definitely the case imo - i know couples who are desperate for one of them to be able to find a job but they just can't.


----------



## Janidog

For me being a SAHM would fill me with dread, I don't mind meeting up for coffee and of course cake, but i can not stand going to baby groups or soft play groups. My LO goes to nursery 3 mornings a week, but i work 2 mornings plus some evenings, I use my 1 free morning a week to catch up with the house work, do food shopping or maybe go down the allotment if the weather is good.

I respect SAHM and working mums


----------



## bbyno1

I respect what each and every mum does.
We devote our lives to our children,wether we are a SAHM or working mum. In my opinion you can never do the right thing anyway. If your at home on benefits,most people see it as we are 'scrounging' and if we work it's like we are not spending 'enough time' with our children.
I say well done to all the working mums out there.It can't be easy.I have spoken to so many working parents who would love to stay at home with their children but simply can't afford to. In my eyes they are doing whats best by their children,choosing the working lifestyle.

I also say well done to all SAHM (that's me). We do a great job indoors,teaching them everything they know,spending all our time with them. Taking them to the park,soft play etc. and sometimes it can be seen as putting our career 'on hold' for them.

We all do what we can and as long as our LO's are happy and so are we that's all that matters in my eyes.


----------



## RedRose

captainj1 said:


> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me out.
> 
> :0)


Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:


----------



## jojo_b

I couldn't care less what any other mum does tbh. I kinda see where you are coming from OP, but it's only a daft status - I wouldn't let it get to you. FB is always full of keyboard warriors and daftness - why mums have to try to guilt one another with silly judgey comments is beyond me. I work and my husband has Fin in the daytime then works at night. We have an ok quality of life but couldn't afford to live without both wages. I earn the most and couldn't afford not to work, much as I'd love to. We all do what we have to in order to do what's best for our family. I have no idea why anyone chooses to be critical of others' decisions, unless it's because they, on some level, are doubting themselves a bit and are being oversensitive to others' comments


----------



## babyjiva

a few people has insinuated that it was not an offensive fb post and that only an insecure person would feel defensive about it&#8230; but this part:

"cause theres no need not to work, unless your physically unable too" is offensive. 

it's as if to say mothers who stay at home shouldn't. not only is it completely ridiculous but it is a rude thing to say. 

flip it around and say "there's no need to be a working mother unless you're going to die without it" or something to that effect, i do believe working mums would be a bit teed off too.

i'm a sahm. we live on 1300 dollars a month and we sacrifice a lot of things. i'm proud of my decision, not insecure in the slightest. I've had job offers, i'm a career woman, i am so tired of pat-a-cake i could poke my own eyes out some days (hehe) but sacrifices have to be made somewhere. we all make them in some areas of our life and it is offensive when people are quick to dismiss that. when someone says "there's no need," they are dismissing that to you there is a need&#8230;.and this goes to sahms and working moms.


----------



## jojo_b

Yes I agree that this was a rude response, but although I disagree with her, it's one of those "eye rollers" - comments so daft that they don't even justify a response! That's how I'd see it anyway


----------



## babyjiva

edited: kind of redundant to my last post

just wanted to add another note about the insecurity comments, I don't know any sahm's that seem insecure about it


----------



## goddess25

I will be returning to work in a month full time and with commute I will see my babies for 1-2 hours max during the week. It is heartbreaking and I am so jealous of SAHM that are in circumstances for this to work. I would give anything to stay at home with my kids.


----------



## babyjiva

hugs goddess :( i do count my blessings every now and then remembering that we are fortunate that we can pull this off.


----------



## jojo_b

babyjiva said:


> edited: kind of redundant to my last post
> 
> just wanted to add another note about the insecurity comments, I don't know any sahm's that seem insecure about it

Well I do. One of my friends is always justifying herself with comments like "oh I know I shouldn't complain because I don't have to go out to work, but I'm so tired" etc etc. it's FINE to feel tired - its bloody tiring being with your child all day, but she always feels like she has to qualify her comments by almost apologising for them. It's mental. Modern life is tough - we all make tough decisions and can't all agree on everything. I'm sure the vast majority of mums - working or SAHM - adore their children and want the very best for them. That, and only that, is all that matters. Not what others think, say, or post on FB.


----------



## jojo_b

goddess25 said:


> I will be returning to work in a month full time and with commute I will see my babies for 1-2 hours max during the week. It is heartbreaking and I am so jealous of SAHM that are in circumstances for this to work. I would give anything to stay at home with my kids.

Love I feel the same. When I was at home tonight, the rain was noisy on the roof and it scared Fin. He cried and ran straight past me to his dad for a cuddle. I think my heart actually broke a little that second :cry:


----------



## KittyVentura

jojo_b said:


> goddess25 said:
> 
> 
> I will be returning to work in a month full time and with commute I will see my babies for 1-2 hours max during the week. It is heartbreaking and I am so jealous of SAHM that are in circumstances for this to work. I would give anything to stay at home with my kids.
> 
> Love I feel the same. When I was at home tonight, the rain was noisy on the roof and it scared Fin. He cried and ran straight past me to his dad for a cuddle. I think my heart actually broke a little that second :cry:Click to expand...

:cry: :hugs:

Finny loves and adores you lover... but I can totally see why that would upset you. It would do the same to me too. :hugs: xxx


----------



## sarah0108

Wobbles said:


> sarah0108 said:
> 
> 
> :dohh:
> 
> If you don't like what laura had to say don't comment.
> She wasn't bashing mums who work at all and i totally understand her point. I have worked and i haven't worked..
> 
> No need to pick an arguement.
> 
> This made me giggle for more than one reason :lol:
> 
> Anyway ...Laura can fight her own battles (if she feels there is one?), friends don't need to come in all protective telling others what to do (leave the thread, etc) nobody else is. Individual opinions/comments and agreement/disagreement of those.Click to expand...

Why? lol

I read the thread, i didn't come in trying to protect her :wacko: i understood where she was coming from!
I have people like this on FB all the time and it can make you feel shitty



jojo_b said:


> babyjiva said:
> 
> 
> edited: kind of redundant to my last post
> 
> just wanted to add another note about the insecurity comments, I don't know any sahm's that seem insecure about it
> 
> Well I do. One of my friends is always justifying herself with comments like "oh I know I shouldn't complain because I don't have to go out to work, but I'm so tired" etc etc. it's FINE to feel tired - its bloody tiring being with your child all day, but she always feels like she has to qualify her comments by almost apologising for them. It's mental. Modern life is tough - we all make tough decisions and can't all agree on everything. I'm sure the vast majority of mums - working or SAHM - adore their children and want the very best for them. That, and only that, is all that matters. Not what others think, say, or post on FB.Click to expand...

I always apologise too :haha: i don't know why, i think sometimes when you are around people you think that everyone assumes you have to work and you feel a bit bad that you aren't IYKWIM?

x


----------



## JASMAK

jojo_b said:


> goddess25 said:
> 
> 
> I will be returning to work in a month full time and with commute I will see my babies for 1-2 hours max during the week. It is heartbreaking and I am so jealous of SAHM that are in circumstances for this to work. I would give anything to stay at home with my kids.
> 
> Love I feel the same. When I was at home tonight, the rain was noisy on the roof and it scared Fin. He cried and ran straight past me to his dad for a cuddle. I think my heart actually broke a little that second :cry:Click to expand...

:hugs: This happens to me too.:cry::cry:


----------



## Lightworker

babyjiva said:


> a few people has insinuated that it was not an offensive fb post and that only an insecure person would feel defensive about it but this part:
> 
> "cause theres no need not to work, unless your physically unable too" is offensive.
> 
> it's as if to say mothers who stay at home shouldn't. not only is it completely ridiculous but it is a rude thing to say.
> 
> flip it around and say "there's no need to be a working mother unless you're going to die without it" or something to that effect, i do believe working mums would be a bit teed off too.
> 
> i'm a sahm. we live on 1300 dollars a month and we sacrifice a lot of things. i'm proud of my decision, not insecure in the slightest. I've had job offers, i'm a career woman, i am so tired of pat-a-cake i could poke my own eyes out some days (hehe) but sacrifices have to be made somewhere. we all make them in some areas of our life and it is offensive when people are quick to dismiss that. when someone says "there's no need," they are dismissing that to you there is a need.and this goes to sahms and working moms.

woops didnt see that second bit (very guilty of skimming instead of reading thoroughly) ....


----------



## RachA

jojo_b said:


> goddess25 said:
> 
> 
> I will be returning to work in a month full time and with commute I will see my babies for 1-2 hours max during the week. It is heartbreaking and I am so jealous of SAHM that are in circumstances for this to work. I would give anything to stay at home with my kids.
> 
> Love I feel the same. When I was at home tonight, the rain was noisy on the roof and it scared Fin. He cried and ran straight past me to his dad for a cuddle. I think my heart actually broke a little that second :cry:Click to expand...

:hugs:

Please don't take this the wrong way but do you not think that our lo's Daddy's feel the same way? I know my OH finds it hard sometimes that they won't go to him for reassurance, it's always me. Sometimes he feels that he out of the house so much that they don't care about him in the same way they do about me.


----------



## Embovstar

I wouldn't take it too personally..don't worry about it..be happy with your choices and your life path and let others worry about theirs.

I'm a stay at home Mummy because my Husband can afford me to be. It works for us and makes all 3 of us uber happy. I have friends in all situations...some have regrets and some do not.

Bt yeah, if she often makes status updates that piss you off, just remove her or block her updates. Simple :hugs:

Nicola xx


----------



## feeble

The thing is, we ARE working, how would it be okay to pay for child care, if child care wasn't work, surely we wouldn't be happy to pay those who do it... Let alone cleaning, cooking... Etc etc...

When people ask me, what I 'do' I try and be as diplomatic as possible, because I find it so strange that we base people's 'worth' on what job they have... (society I mean by 'we') 

How is it more worthwhile to be working in a shop all day (for example) than it is to be raising your family or keeping house... 

All these things are equally important and we don't need to apologise for anything x


----------



## puppycat

The amount of times I've been asked what my occupation is and I say 'stay at home Mum' to watch them write 'unemployed'. Uhhhh not what I said!


----------



## pupsicle

I love being a SAHM and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm proud to have a close bond with my baby, it's good for those that do wish to work, but I would rather be home, teaching her and loving her. Plus, if I worked, she would have to go into nursery, and by the time I've paid for that... I wouldn't be getting any money anyway!


----------



## captainj1

RedRose said:


> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me
> 
> Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:
> 
> Not at all rude. I'm a partner in one of the world's biggest accountancy firms.Click to expand...


----------



## RachA

captainj1 said:


> RedRose said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me
> 
> Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:
> 
> Not at all rude. I'm a partner in one of the world's biggest accountancy firms.Click to expand...
> 
> As in one of the big 4 firms?Click to expand...


----------



## RachA

puppycat said:


> The amount of times I've been asked what my occupation is and I say 'stay at home Mum' to watch them write 'unemployed'. Uhhhh not what I said!

Oh that annoys me too - if you actually paid someone to do everything that a SAHM does that it'd probably set you back £20,000pa minimum.


----------



## jojo_b

RachA said:


> jojo_b said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> goddess25 said:
> 
> 
> I will be returning to work in a month full time and with commute I will see my babies for 1-2 hours max during the week. It is heartbreaking and I am so jealous of SAHM that are in circumstances for this to work. I would give anything to stay at home with my kids.
> 
> Love I feel the same. When I was at home tonight, the rain was noisy on the roof and it scared Fin. He cried and ran straight past me to his dad for a cuddle. I think my heart actually broke a little that second :cry:Click to expand...
> 
> :hugs:
> 
> Please don't take this the wrong way but do you not think that our lo's Daddy's feel the same way? I know my OH finds it hard sometimes that they won't go to him for reassurance, it's always me. Sometimes he feels that he out of the house so much that they don't care about him in the same way they do about me.Click to expand...

Yeh perhaps they do, but I think there's the fact that I feel a bit redundant when he chooses my husband for comforting him - Andy does all the rough and tumble with him, and I (usually) get to be the one who he comes to for a cuddle. It's usual for toddlers to seek out there mum when they are hurt, isn't it. Just made me feel unnatural...a failure I guess. it's hard. Have to keep reminding myself that i HAVE to work. If I didn't, then I'd be failing him more. Just hurts, that's all. I think I take things to do with Fin to heart more than my husband does - don't know if that's a woman thing, a mummy thing or a me thing. Either way, I felt bloody rotten :cry:


----------



## jojo_b

KittyVentura said:


> jojo_b said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> goddess25 said:
> 
> 
> I will be returning to work in a month full time and with commute I will see my babies for 1-2 hours max during the week. It is heartbreaking and I am so jealous of SAHM that are in circumstances for this to work. I would give anything to stay at home with my kids.
> 
> Love I feel the same. When I was at home tonight, the rain was noisy on the roof and it scared Fin. He cried and ran straight past me to his dad for a cuddle. I think my heart actually broke a little that second :cry:Click to expand...
> 
> :cry: :hugs:
> 
> Finny loves and adores you lover... but I can totally see why that would upset you. It would do the same to me too. :hugs: xxxClick to expand...


Thanks lovely :hugs: It was really really horrible and made me so sad I didn't even cry...just a deep sad ache. I'm trying to push it down and forget about it coz there's nothing I can do to be around for him more. I'm a good mummy when I'm there, and I'm always there as much as I can. Will be ok. Bad burny feeling now, but will get over it. Thanks for kind words prettiful xxxxxxx


----------



## jojo_b

captainj1 said:


> RedRose said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me
> 
> Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:
> 
> Not at all rude. I'm a partner in one of the world's biggest accountancy firms.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Not too shabby! Where in Cheshire do you live?Click to expand...


----------



## jojo_b

jojo_b said:


> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> RedRose said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me
> 
> Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:
> 
> Not at all rude. I'm a partner in one of the world's biggest accountancy firms.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Not too shabby! Where in Cheshire do you live?Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Don't worry - I'm not going to rob/stalk you! Just realised that might have sounded sinister :haha:Click to expand...


----------



## feeble

Hahahaah I must say that thought did go through my mind! 

'oh you make lots of money... Where do you live again?' Lol


----------



## wellyboot

I'm a working mum with two children - I'm the main wage earner and we simply wouldn't cope if I didn't go to work. My husband earns very little and our childcare bills are far more than his wages so it would make far more sense for him to give up work and look after the children. However, it just isn't him, and I quite understand that. I don't want money in the bank but a traumatised husband!!! As a result, we have no disposable income and a take away once a month is a luxury. My job is also pretty all-consuming, it's certainly not 9 - 5, and at busy times I'm expected to work late and over the weekend, regardless of the fact that I have two young children.

What really, really pisses me off is SAHM who look down their noses at me for working and make judgemental comments, but who live off the benefits that my taxes provide. My job brings me into contact with loads of SAHM who assume that because I work, it means that I don't care about my children and treat me like some sort of freak of nature. I care desperately about my children, and that's why I work. I'm also sick of my colleagues who make awful judgemental comments about Mums who go to work when their children are under the weather, yet I have to abide by a sick leave policy that only allows me one day (unpaid) if my child is ill, and then I am expected back into work, regardless of whether my child is still ill or not. 

Anyway, I don't know what I'm saying here really, just having a bit of a rant. Lots of my friends from antenatal class are SAHM, and I think they're fantastic and do a wonderful job. My best friend is a SAHM with three kids, who never gets a second to herself, and I admire her hugely. I enjoy my job, I just wish that I could work and be a mum but without the perpetual guilt, the snide comments from people who judge me for working when they don't know our financial situation, and without the constant fear of what I'll do if the children are ill (i.e. I'll be unpaid, I'll worry about money all month and my boss will refuse to speak to me for putting my children first). Being at home with the children all day isn't easy, but at least you don't feel constantly pulled in two directions all the time.

Hope what I've written hasn't offended anyone, I haven't meant to. I'm just having a rant at the end of a hard week where I've had to work until the early hours of the morning every night, try to keep on top of the housework and be the best Mum I possibly can. It's not easy!

Welly xx


----------



## JASMAK

wellyboot said:


> I'm a working mum with two children - I'm the main wage earner and we simply wouldn't cope if I didn't go to work. My husband earns very little and our childcare bills are far more than his wages so it would make far more sense for him to give up work and look after the children. However, it just isn't him, and I quite understand that. I don't want money in the bank but a traumatised husband!!! As a result, we have no disposable income and a take away once a month is a luxury. My job is also pretty all-consuming, it's certainly not 9 - 5, and at busy times I'm expected to work late and over the weekend, regardless of the fact that I have two young children.
> 
> What really, really pisses me off is SAHM who look down their noses at me for working and make judgemental comments, but who live off the benefits that my taxes provide. My job brings me into contact with loads of SAHM who assume that because I work, it means that I don't care about my children and treat me like some sort of freak of nature. I care desperately about my children, and that's why I work. I'm also sick of my colleagues who make awful judgemental comments about Mums who go to work when their children are under the weather, yet I have to abide by a sick leave policy that only allows me one day (unpaid) if my child is ill, and then I am expected back into work, regardless of whether my child is still ill or not.
> 
> Anyway, I don't know what I'm saying here really, just having a bit of a rant. Lots of my friends from antenatal class are SAHM, and I think they're fantastic and do a wonderful job. My best friend is a SAHM with three kids, who never gets a second to herself, and I admire her hugely. I enjoy my job, I just wish that I could work and be a mum but without the perpetual guilt, the snide comments from people who judge me for working when they don't know our financial situation, and without the constant fear of what I'll do if the children are ill (i.e. I'll be unpaid, I'll worry about money all month and my boss will refuse to speak to me for putting my children first). Being at home with the children all day isn't easy, but at least you don't feel constantly pulled in two directions all the time.
> 
> Hope what I've written hasn't offended anyone, I haven't meant to. I'm just having a rant at the end of a hard week where I've had to work until the early hours of the morning every night, try to keep on top of the housework and be the best Mum I possibly can. It's not easy!
> 
> Welly xx

Wow...this is me exactly!!! The rude comments, snide remarks. My daughter BEGGED me to stay home today with her (she is really ill) and I had to say no! :( Broke my heart to a million pieces!!!:cry: I have three kids...and I only get two family sick days a year...and I have already used one. Work looks down on me when I pay any mind to my children, and some SAHM think I can't get my sh*t together because I am not on the PAC, volunteering for hot lunch and bottle collections, and others think I shouldn't work at all...like it's even an option for me! I would stay home in an INSTANT if it meant we could live. But, we wouldn't be able to.


----------



## Stacey_89

Comments like that really piss me off !

I have a cousin who thinks shes better then anyone because shes been a working mum since her kids were 8 months old, and she likes to say things all the time about it. and moan about people having kids and going onto benefits. 

Shes always saying oh i have a nice life, my own house,2 cars,nice holidays and this is because i worked for it.... Yeah fair enough you have BUT you DONT need to make us stay at home mums feel bad!!! I enjoy spending my days with my daughter, so i know what shes doing,what shes eating,what shes learning how shes being taught.
When katelyn does start nursery yes i wil go back to work.

Now days you get looked down on for being a mum who stays at home and are on benefits. Pisses me right off !


----------



## Mum2b_Claire

wow that sickness policy is harsh wellyboot. I was so lucky to work for the same boss as my OH when I worked, so we could basically say to her, one of us needs to stay home today, who do you want to do without. And she never took pay or leave off us. I'm sure she would have done if it had happened loads though.


----------



## wellyboot

Stacey_89 said:


> Comments like that really piss me off !
> 
> I have a cousin who thinks shes better then anyone because shes been a working mum since her kids were 8 months old, and she likes to say things all the time about it. and moan about people having kids and going onto benefits.
> 
> Shes always saying oh i have a nice life, my own house,2 cars,nice holidays and this is because i worked for it.... Yeah fair enough you have BUT you DONT need to make us stay at home mums feel bad!!! I enjoy spending my days with my daughter, so i know what shes doing,what shes eating,what shes learning how shes being taught.
> When katelyn does start nursery yes i wil go back to work.
> 
> Now days you get looked down on for being a mum who stays at home and are on benefits. Pisses me right off !

I probably need to explain myself more - I don't have a problem with mums who stay at home and are on benefits. The system is there for a reason. What I do have a problem with Mums who are able to stay at home because of the benefits system, but feel that they have a right to criticise working Mums who ultimately contribute to their being able to be at home. My next door neighbour has children the same age as mine, and never has worked and claims everything she can. That's fair enough, it's her choice. But when she looks disapprovingly at me coming in from work and makes little comments, that's when I get irrate!


----------



## captainj1

:thumbup:


RachA said:


> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> RedRose said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me
> 
> Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:
> 
> Not at all rude. I'm a partner in one of the world's biggest accountancy firms.Click to expand...
> 
> As in one of the big 4 firms?Click to expand...
> 
> YupClick to expand...


----------



## captainj1

jojo_b said:


> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> RedRose said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me
> 
> Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:
> 
> Not at all rude. I'm a partner in one of the world's biggest accountancy firms.Click to expand...
> 
> 
> Not too shabby! Where in Cheshire do you live?Click to expand...
> 
> Not far from Hale, but in the middle of nowhere!Click to expand...


----------



## wellyboot

Mum2b_Claire said:


> wow that sickness policy is harsh wellyboot. I was so lucky to work for the same boss as my OH when I worked, so we could basically say to her, one of us needs to stay home today, who do you want to do without. And she never took pay or leave off us. I'm sure she would have done if it had happened loads though.

That sounds far more reasonable! I'm really committed to my job and have never taken a day off because of the children unless I've had to and they've been really few and far between. Unfortunately, it's only me who does my job, so if I'm not there, the work just piles up on my desk until I get back, and then I have to do extra to clear it all, so being unpaid when I'll do the work anyway seems incredibly unfair.

Admittedly, we've had this policy for years and my boss has always used discretion in the past and has paid me, but things seemed to have tightened up and I've been told by the financial department that there's no leeway anymore. I really ought to get the courage to go and have a heart-to-heart with the boss about it, but we work very closely together and get on well and I couldn't bear to row with her, on top of everything else. I'll just keep praying that the children don't get ill!

Welly xx


----------



## sunflower07

This whole debate has really aggrivated me! 

Every family is different and there are just too many variables to say conclusively whether it is better to be a stay at home mum or working mum. What works for one family will not work for another. There are so many things to consider -household incomes and outgoings, mental health and wellbeing of mother, traits of children (social, shy etc), quality of time spent together and childdcare, impact on other family members etc etc etc

As for how/what opinions are being expressed...I think must mums are like tigeresses when it comes to their children and so defend whatever position they take on parenting. We want - no need - to believe we are providing the best for them. Therefore if someone seems to be criticising us, we defend with avengence! Perhaps the girl who wrote this orignial status had herself been snubbed by a SAHM?

In all likelihood, we all worry that perhaps we aren't getting the balance right and we look at other mothers and compare, wondering if we should be doing what they are doing.

I'm not going to reveal if I am SAHM or working. It doesn't matter. I would always worry that I wasn't doing the right thing BUT ultimately, I would weigh all variables up as best as possible, and realise that I love my child and am doing the very best job I can to provide her with a loving, healthy and happy life. I'm sure all you reading this are also doing the same.

Sorry for the rant.


----------



## minkymoo

sunflower07 said:


> This whole debate has really aggrivated me!
> 
> Every family is different and there are just too many variables to say conclusively whether it is better to be a stay at home mum or working mum. What works for one family will not work for another. There are so many things to consider -household incomes and outgoings, mental health and wellbeing of mother, traits of children (social, shy etc), quality of time spent together and childdcare, impact on other family members etc etc etc
> 
> As for how/what opinions are being expressed...I think must mums are like tigeresses when it comes to their children and so defend whatever position they take on parenting. We want - no need - to believe we are providing the best for them. Therefore if someone seems to be criticising us, we defend with avengence! Perhaps the girl who wrote this orignial status had herself been snubbed by a SAHM?
> 
> In all likelihood, we all worry that perhaps we aren't getting the balance right and we look at other mothers and compare, wondering if we should be doing what they are doing.
> 
> I'm not going to reveal if I am SAHM or working. It doesn't matter. I would always worry that I wasn't doing the right thing BUT ultimately, I would weigh all variables up as best as possible, and realise that I love my child and am doing the very best job I can to provide her with a loving, healthy and happy life. I'm sure all you reading this are also doing the same.
> 
> Sorry for the rant.

Spot on :thumbup:


----------



## Mum2b_Claire

Exactly, there is no one size fits all. Too many individual variables. I'm almost glad I was made redundant at 34 weeks pregnant, took the decision making away from me...


----------



## Laura--x

I dont really get how its turned into a massive debate. The thing that pissed me off about what this girl said was her reply to me asking whats wrong with moms that dont work.. ' because they have no reason not to work, unless their physically unable too'. Thats the biggest load of bullcrap ive ever heard. That IS offensive to me and im sure it would be too other people. She is basically saying that mums that dont work who dont have any physical problems to stop them from working are bad for not working? erm wtf?!

We all know that everyones situation is different and one thing thats best for one is not best for another, so that doesnt even need to be justified. Like i said i admire working mums, but im more than happy being a sahm and spending everyday with my daughter. Nobody should try and initiate that doing that is the wrong thing ( which is basically what this girl is saying ) and thats why i took offence to it.


----------



## Laura--x

sarah0108 said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sarah0108 said:
> 
> 
> :dohh:
> 
> If you don't like what laura had to say don't comment.
> She wasn't bashing mums who work at all and i totally understand her point. I have worked and i haven't worked..
> 
> No need to pick an arguement.
> 
> This made me giggle for more than one reason :lol:
> 
> Anyway ...Laura can fight her own battles (if she feels there is one?), friends don't need to come in all protective telling others what to do (leave the thread, etc) nobody else is. Individual opinions/comments and agreement/disagreement of those.Click to expand...
> 
> Why? lol
> 
> I read the thread, i didn't come in trying to protect her :wacko: i understood where she was coming from!
> I have people like this on FB all the time and it can make you feel shitty
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Thought that myself :shrug:Click to expand...


----------



## v2007

I stay at home and look after Katie. 

TBH it's not thru choice, today she drove me to edge of my sanity and i actually missed being in work. 

People are right thou, your damned if you and damned if you don't.

What works for 1 may not work for the other and tbh the more threads i see about what someone has written on FB the more i think DELETE them!!!

After the thread in baby cub i wouldn't dare write a thread about what someone has written on FB. 

You never know who is lurking :rofl:

V xxx


----------



## Laura--x

v2007 said:


> I stay at home and look after Katie.
> 
> TBH it's not thru choice, today she drove me to edge of my sanity and i actually missed being in work.
> 
> People are right thou, your damned if you and damned if you don't.
> 
> What works for 1 may not work for the other and tbh the more threads i see about what someone has written on FB the more i think DELETE them!!!
> 
> After the thread in baby cub i wouldn't dare write a thread about what someone has written on FB.
> 
> You never know who is lurking :rofl:
> 
> V xxx


I didnt see that thread maybe i would of thought twice about posting this if i did lol, i was just super pissed off at the time and delted her straight away and needed somewhere to rant! back when i first joined this forum that could actually happen without all the drama that comes with it these days :dohh:


----------



## louandivy

v2007 said:


> I stay at home and look after Katie.
> 
> TBH it's not thru choice, today she drove me to edge of my sanity and i actually missed being in work.
> 
> People are right thou, your damned if you and damned if you don't.
> 
> What works for 1 may not work for the other and tbh the more threads i see about what someone has written on FB the more i think DELETE them!!!
> 
> *After the thread in baby cub i wouldn't dare write a thread about what someone has written on FB.
> 
> You never know who is lurking
> *
> V xxx

TELL ME MORE
https://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw4iu6v6G51r3rizv.gif


----------



## JASMAK

^^^ lol


----------



## Laura--x

louandivy said:


> v2007 said:
> 
> 
> I stay at home and look after Katie.
> 
> TBH it's not thru choice, today she drove me to edge of my sanity and i actually missed being in work.
> 
> People are right thou, your damned if you and damned if you don't.
> 
> What works for 1 may not work for the other and tbh the more threads i see about what someone has written on FB the more i think DELETE them!!!
> 
> *After the thread in baby cub i wouldn't dare write a thread about what someone has written on FB.
> 
> You never know who is lurking
> *
> V xxx
> 
> TELL ME MORE
> https://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lw4iu6v6G51r3rizv.gifClick to expand...


:haha::haha:


----------



## v2007

:rofl:

:rofl:

:rofl:

V xxxx


----------



## v2007

I have got tears rolling down my face from laughing. 

V xxx


----------



## v2007

https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-club/852020-shocked.html

Read the Opening post. 

Then read the 1st reply on page 2. 

:rofl:

V xxx


----------



## louandivy

v2007 said:


> https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-club/852020-shocked.html
> 
> Read the Opening post.
> 
> Then read the 1st reply on page 2.
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> V xxx

that is too perfect...can't believe I missed it!

I LIVE FOR THESE MOMENTS


----------



## feeble

Omg!!


----------



## JASMAK

Lmao!!!


----------



## v2007

FB and BnB Karma all rolled into 1. 

:rofl:

V xxx


----------



## feeble

That is comedy gold


----------



## louandivy

total rookie error! Oh god, could you imagine how awkward that must have been at work :rofl:


----------



## v2007

louandivy said:


> total rookie error! Oh god, could you imagine how awkward that must have been at work :rofl:

I know. 

Shuffling to the lift, with a bag over your head :rofl:

V xxx


----------



## feeble

I was picturing it at the photocopy machine... Unable to escape and having to make small talk...


----------



## v2007

feeble said:


> I was picturing it at the photocopy machine... Unable to escape and having to make small talk...

small talk that can't be about

A, Babies

B, Internet

C, Facebook

and D, Internet Baby forums

:rofl:

V xxx


----------



## louandivy

Hahahaha I'm dying :rofl:


----------



## v2007

I am gonna wet mysef from laughing if i don't go to the :loo: now.

V xxx


----------



## cherryglitter

LOL :rofl:


----------



## v2007

Night Night ladies and babies. 

Always a pleasure :howdy:

V xxx


----------



## Laura--x

lmao oh my god :rofl:


----------



## RachA

captainj1 said:


> :thumbup:
> 
> 
> RachA said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> RedRose said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> captainj1 said:
> 
> 
> Wow this is an interesting thread, some great points and different perspectives.
> 
> I myself work full time, I went back when LO was just over 5 months old. DH works full time too, he has a good job and earns significantly more than the national average, but i earn about 6 times what he does.
> 
> Anyway, I pay hundreds of thousands of tax every year and I'm glad that my choices allow the government to give benefits to people who choose to be sahm's and old people who need government care and support. I am very aware I might not always be so fortunate and hopefully if I end up destitute there will be enough in the coffers to help me
> 
> Captainj1- would it be really rude of me to ask what you do for a living? :lol:
> 
> Not at all rude. I'm a partner in one of the world's biggest accountancy firms.Click to expand...
> 
> As in one of the big 4 firms?Click to expand...
> 
> YupClick to expand...
> 
> Nice. Can my OH come and work for you-he works for one if the top ten and gets paid peanuts lolClick to expand...


----------



## Jchihuahua

That comedy gold moment was one of my favourite ever moments on bnb. I actually squealed out loud when it happened and made my hubby (who has no interest in bnb)come and see too!


----------



## Lightworker

Mum2b_Claire said:


> Exactly, there is no one size fits all. Too many individual variables. I'm almost glad I was made redundant at 34 weeks pregnant, took the decision making away from me...

oooh I was wondering whether or not your LO had arrived all the best with your delivery xx


----------



## NG09

I'm a working mum (part time) and don't 'shove' my son into nursery, he is cared for by my parents. 

I don't think when it comes to being a working or stay at home mum there is a right or wrong, just whatever is right for you.


----------



## T-Bex

*CRINGE!*

I'm an intentional SAHM, but OH is currently on the dole (but searching high and low for work, obviously). Makes life a bit tricky, when it looks like I'm deliberatly being a 'scrounger'... Ah, cheers economy.


----------



## fluffpuffin

v2007 said:


> https://www.babyandbump.com/baby-club/852020-shocked.html
> 
> Read the Opening post.
> 
> Then read the 1st reply on page 2.
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> V xxx

:rofl: :rofl:


----------



## Dragonfly

Dammed if you do dammed if you dont on this one. Ignore it. Could be worse you could be one of the people writing status like that looking down at mums who dont work.


----------



## sarah0108

Jchihuahua said:


> That comedy gold moment was one of my favourite ever moments on bnb. I actually squealed out loud when it happened and made my hubby (who has no interest in bnb)come and see too!

Haha i told my OH too, he was like..cringe


----------



## rwhite

Silly girl. I work full time and to be honest, I found staying at home more challenging and exhausting than juggling him and work! So there :) Just ignore it.


----------

