# I'm nervous



## jinxii

I haven't seen my niece (2 yrs old) and nephew (4 yrs old) since I lost my baby. Almost six weeks even though they live right down the road. Normally I ride my bike over and visit them fairly often. I always love it when they hear my bell and come running screaming "AUNTIE!!!" but I'm scared I am going to cry when they come for their hugs this time. I am taking them to the park to fly kites and play on Saturday and I don't want them to see me upset or sad. Husband decided he wants to go as well which is really unusual.. I think it's because he's worried about me. Any tips for getting through this?


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## StephieStephi

I would just try and be yourself. Don't try and make yourself strong to others if that is not how you feel inside. its a hard time and if you cry you cry, they will still love you all the same and may even surprise you and make you smile after crying? 

I dont know but try not to worry. its good that your other half will be there with you so you can support each other


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## LDC

Don't even worry about how you are, being around children is so hard when you've had a loss. 

I seemed to be ok with girls as I hadn't lost a girl but my hubby's cousin literally had a baby boy about two months after our loss and we were at a family members house and she came round - I refused to be in the same room as the baby and sat in the kitchen where I couldn't see him with everyone else in the sitting room! 

I said I knew I was irrational and emotional and a mess but I genuinely didn't care and that I couldn't bear to be near her child. 

Just go with whatever you feel, you're outside which will be a little easier in terms of if you get upset as its not a closed space with the children who could ask questions; they will be running around and enjoying themselves which may give you that well needed space if you are feeling upset. 

Sending you lots of hugs xxx


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## jinxii

That must have been awful LDC... I still can't look at babies. I feel bad because at stores and other places because new moms always look so proud and like they expect people to notice their babies and I pretend they don't exist. I've gotten pretty good at completely blocking them out. 

I ended up getting sick, then sis got sick, so park day got put off until today. It actually went okay. We played and had fun. I have an easier time with my nephew than my niece because I was having a girl. But she doesn't seem to notice so that's good. It is so hard not to think about what it would be like to have my daughter when I am around her. 

The hardest day I have had so far was when my husband and I went to a toy store because I needed something for my job (I'm an artist and use miniatures in my work sometimes) it was the same toy store we had been at just days before the loss and we were SO HAPPY. The happiest we had ever been. 

I have a prescription for fertility meds coming since it's been 8 weeks, but not sure I'm ready to go back on them. I keep going back and forth. I want a baby, don't want the heartbreak.


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## LDC

I'm really glad that the outing went as well as it possibly could, the first time you do things where you know it will trigger emotions is super hard and you did really well. 

I think with your mess just see how you're feeling. There is no pressure to start, but then they're there for when you do feel ready. The whole process is so up and down; you just feel like you don't know what's best any more and, the crap part, is the pregnancy process is tainted with "what ifs". 

I can't say that stops and everything is something you'll worry about, but when the time is right you'll be ready to take those little steps forward. Whatever you decide, there is no pressure, just know that there are many rainbows out there xxx


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