# Court-long read



## Amy-Lea

Right so the babies dad saw the baby the day she was born for 4 minutes, never held her, stood about 45785 miles away despite the fact he acted like he was going to be the doting father (note: he always wanted to be involved with the baby, i split with him because he has a controlling nature) Anyway when the baby was 3 months I got a solicitors letter saying he wants Hallie every Saturday 10am-6pm (I ignored) Then Mediation letters (I ignored) Then a court appearance date (I never showed up) But now I have an other court date for november so I have to book a solicitors appointment.

The babies dad has give me a hard time indirectly by having people approach me on the street, spread vicious vicious things about me and told a pack of lies . eg)I told him he will never see the baby, he never come in with me for the scans (he was holding my hand). 

Anyway, he has never actually ever asked me to see Hallie, just the court letter, my view was I always would of said yes if he knocked/called/text but he never so I chose to ignore him then eventually take the legal route if thats what he wants.

Anyway I thought that I could say in court 'yeh you can see Hallie but until I feel comfortable with it I want you to be with your mum when ever your with her (he may be 25 but has zero experience with babies), you wil never take her to a pub or family party as family members take drugs, and 10-6 is out of question you will see her for 2 hours at first maybe an hour which will increase when I see ready. And the biggy, I will only do the above if, infront of every body who is in this room (the court) you say that everything you have ever said about me has been fabricated and you made it up. Also I heard you can get him to sign a form about the things he said.

Do you think its out of line to say he has to do that? I just want everyone to know i am not the beast he made me out to be and that he is a bad lier. Maybe his mm will see him for who he realy is if all the lies come out.


----------



## Jayden'sMummy

Nope i think you have it all sorted! you go girl, get him for everything he has put you through babe, you and your gorgeous little girl deserve so much more and if your not comfortable with him seeing her for them times then so be it, she is your baby and her best interests are at heart 
hope everything goes ok chick, chin up *HUGS*xxx


----------



## starbucks101

Have you seen a solicitor already? 
You wont be able to say your bit im afraid, you'll be in one room with your solicitor and your ex and his in another, you will tell your solicitor what your prepared to offer and he'll tell his what he wants, then they'll boot you both out into the waiting room and go into a room together to discuss how different the parents contact time is, then you'll both go back in with your solicitors and made to give a little lee-way, this will continue until you have both given a little and come to some sort of agreement, that in all honesty neither of you are happy with,but its a starting point. you'll then actually go into the court where someone will read the agreement, put a stamp on it, have a strong, patronising and completly degrading word with you both and send you on your way. 

If you've completly ignored the solicitors letters,the mediation ones and not turned upto court, that was a very very big mistake, and can potentially be held over you for the rest of your court battles, no matter how long they go on for. 

I dont mean to sound cold or calous at all, just i went through all this a few years ago, its an awful experience! I would recommend you go in offering 2 - 3 hours a week supervised contact, for your child to bond with the dad with his mother present to also form a family bond, and say you are happy in a stepping stone period after 6 weeks to increase this to say 3 hours then to coem back for a review after 3months... 

You will probably be able to get that without too many problems, I'd also recommened that you say you are prepared to have your ex text you to ask about your child, but will only respond to him about your child and nothing else. 

This shows your prepared to make an effort. 

Because you've ignored all the papers and missed a court appearance you need to go in there being the absolute queen of niceness or you will get taken to the cleaners, the courts are starting to crack down harder on mothers who play games with the system (im not saying you were, but you'll be tarred with the same brush) 

Good luck! :hugs:


----------



## princess_bump

wishing you so much luck sweetie, thinking of you :hugs:


----------



## hypnorm

Unfortunately not turning up for the mediation, courts etc will go against you, and will be on your record.
It shows that he has tried, and that you havent.
Good luck.


----------



## princessellie

i dont have any experience with this stuff so cant offer no advice but just wanted to say good luck and i hope everything turns out ok

xxx


----------



## sonny

Go out and buy yourself a BIIGGG notebook. Write in there with dates like a diary of all the events that have happened and from now ones in the future. In a custoday case that diary log can be used as part of your statement like mine has recently with my stepsons.
I think an all day contact order would be unsuitable considering LO's age. Surely it would have to start with 1-2 hours with your supervision also?
There a re some lovely lovely ladies on here who help me with our custody disputes as we have to represent ourselves in court. They have the legal expertise :hugs:


----------



## Amy-Lea

Starbuck, I have not told anybody but my mum and this forum about the letters, should I say my mum has never given me them as I have actually changed address and get my mail once every blue moon?


----------



## Amy-Lea

If i lie and say I have never had the letters, surely I cant have it againt me. I am getting summoned to court but this will be via my mums address so then she can say she doesnt live her and I did actualy send one letter back without opening it to the post office saying it got delivered to the wrong house, so this may be on file in the post office!

What u think, i no its lying but i am the one in the right when it comes to attitudes etc he is a monster.


----------



## brownhairedmom

Lying in court won't look good for you *at all*. I think the best thing to do is tell the truth, that you were scared he would get custody if you went to court because he's not someone you want around your child. It isn't much of a leg to stand on, but if its found out you're lying, things could go very, very wrong.


----------



## hypnorm

Did they send them recorded or tracked? 
I really wouldnt lie its not worth it, they will pick you to pieces in court.
i would be seeking legal advise now as you could be getting your self in to a right pickle.. but where did they send this court summonds to? if its your mums then they know the letters have got through. 

Not sure but if they use a franking machine they will know if the letters have been processed at the post office.

Don't lie it could reallly back fire on you!


----------



## Pyrrhic

amy-lea..x said:


> when the baby was 3 months I got a solicitors letter saying he wants Hallie every Saturday 10am-6pm (I ignored) Then Mediation letters (I ignored) Then a court appearance date (I never showed up) But now I have an other court date for november so I have to book a solicitors appointment.

I would say you have really screwed up here, and need to get in touch with your own solicitor asap and be totally honest with them as they are there to help you. Your ex has done everything by the book and it will look favorable on him for doing so.

As for the 'I never got the letters' idea, don't you think they will have heard those sorts of excuses before? You lying in court will make everything 10 times worse.


----------



## Amy-Lea

I'm scared though. The reason i ignore the letter was because it never said I had to get back to them was because i was on holiday when i needed to go to court and i didnt want them thinking i was bad mum by going on holiday. so i just never replied. the mediation i ignored blatently. and the last letter saying the court date i genuinly never got until after the date which was yesterday, which says i should of seen a brief by then coz the court date is on november 17th. So now I cant go to that court date.

The thing is though, you know were people are saying I have done bad. and it will go against me? I have no reason to have any one on my side really. Im gunna say he can see her. I just want her not to see her for long periods of time that he requested as he is a stranger.


----------



## hypnorm

Did you go on holiday with you baby? be honest and say you were on holiday.
It sounds like you are panicing and i think you should really speak to a legal advisor and find out exactly where you stand. 
He is entitled to see the child whether you like it or not, but you can request that it is supervised.


----------



## Amy-Lea

I know she should see hr dad I was never gunna say no I was still waiting for him to knock on my door. No I wouldnt take Hallie in the sun, my mum booked me the holiday as a present with 2 friends because I had Hallie on my 18th birthday. I came home aone after 2 days though I missed the baby. I'm gunna get advise then ignore it till I get summoned I think, its come too far now, i just didnt knw what to do to be honest.


----------



## Erised

First, you have to relax. They're not evil people trying to take your baby away from you. All that they want is what you're already willing to give anyway. Get yourself a solicitor and tell him exactly what happened. Tell him you didn't realise you had to answer and that you went on holiday for the other court date. He's on your side, you pay him (or get it paid for you). All your ex wants is to see his daughter, several hours a week. He doesn't want her every day. 

Lying to the court is a big big no, I do believe it's even against the law. 
You don't have much to worry about hon, apart from the fact you went the wrong way to start with. All the ladies before me have given great advice that I whole heartedly agree with. Go see someone who does it for a living, and try not to worry about it too much. I'm certain things will work out, as long as you let him see your little girl =) Keep us updated!


----------



## hypnorm

amy-lea..x said:


> I'm gunna get advise *then ignore* *it* till I get summoned

Not being funny but you really are not helping your self here at all.
You need to get advise and really take heed and DO something about it, they want the baby to stay with you they just want to sort out access not label you as a bad mum.

The more you try and avoid it or lie then the more it will go against you.


----------



## Amy-Lea

I can't ever be in the same room alone as him though does that have to happen? I have no doubts that he would hurt Hallie I think he would be great but he is very minipulitive expesh with me he talked me out of uni etc stopped me seeing my mum etc. :(


----------



## hypnorm

No, just arrange to have a family member there in place of your self, i know that has happened in the past.


----------



## Amy-Lea

i've just read back, I've come across really immature and niave. I am not,everything I have done has been an act of fear. I'm crying even now just thinking about being in contact with him. He is a horrible person who believes everything that comes out of his mouth, how can you have an argument with someone who believes there true when you know there not? He told me we bought the pregnancy test together, that kind of thing when in fact I was sat in his room and he was like please take this test i have in my car. He was strange and I just don't want to be in contact with him.


----------



## brownhairedmom

I know how you feel, my ex is weird as hell and as much as I know Meredith deserves to see/know her dad, it makes me really frustrated that I'd have to let her if the courts ordered me to.

You need to come across as the more sensible person here! Get a lawyer or solicitor, talk to them, and do what they SAY. Its their job, they know more than you. I know you're just trying to protect your baby, but whatever hatred and dislike you have for him _yourself_, you have to put that away and put your child and her needs first! You may hate him, but if he's not going to hurt her and you feel she'll be in a safe environment with him, you have to realize that he is still her father! You don't have the right to take her father away from her out of spite because you don't have a good relationship with him. 

My situation is different - my ex lives 8 hours away and he's into some shady things I don't want my child around. If I thought that Meredith would be safe around him and that he'd be a stable figure in her life...I'd let him. Lucky for me he's pretending we don't exist, so I don't have to deal with it yet.


----------



## Erised

amy-lea..x said:


> i've just read back, I've come across really immature and niave. I am not,everything I have done has been an act of fear.

I don't think you have at all, it's only natural to be worried and scared of having to go through court and leave your beloved little girl with someone you don't get along with. 

Unfortunately you're gonna have to go through with this though, he has his rights too, much as we might not agree with them. I'm sure that court will be understanding once you explain everything, and asking for supervised visits isn't all that much to ask for. Just make sure you have some nice clothes and someone to represent you in court who's actually good at his job. It will all be just fine =) I know the Saturdays without your little girl will seem very hard at first, but it will get easier. He's willing to see his little girl, he obviously cares about her even though the way he talks it might not seem that way. As to the bad words he's spreading, fully ignore all of it hon. I know it's not going to be easy, but an apology won't actually make you feel better or take back what he's said and spread. Those who believe him aren't worth knowing anyway. 

Try not to worry too much, the fact you fear for your little girl already shows you're a great mum =)


----------



## starbucks101

amy-lea..x said:


> i've just read back, I've come across really immature and niave. I am not,everything I have done has been an act of fear. I'm crying even now just thinking about being in contact with him. He is a horrible person who believes everything that comes out of his mouth, how can you have an argument with someone who believes there true when you know there not? He told me we bought the pregnancy test together, that kind of thing when in fact I was sat in his room and he was like please take this test i have in my car. He was strange and I just don't want to be in contact with him.


Hun,im gonna be really blunt and i mean it in the absolute nicest way possible, because i completly understand my daughters dad can be like that, but in my case he doesnt want anything to do with her. 

You are just going to have to suck it up, DONT PUT THIS OFF ANY LONGER! 

You mucked up so sort it out. get yourself down to a solicitors first thing monday morning & keep going into them untill you find someone that can be at that court date... If you ignore it untill you get summoned.. they have the power to put you in prison.. 


Dont lie in court because if you get busted doing that you can forget ever being able to negogiate through your solicitor & you'll have a complete stranger every 6 months deciding how much access he can have based on papers he's read that morning. 


Go to a solicitor and be 100% honest you didnt know how serious this was & you admit you've mucked up. 


The courts arnt going to take your baby off you but unless you grow up really quickly your ex is going to get himself a pretty good case for having 50 - 50 parenting soon (not that he shouldnt if he's a good dad anyway) 

They arnt going to label you a bad mum unless you miss this court date. 
----------------
Your ex has done the right thing going down this route and he is just continuing to prove that you are an irresponsible parent who doesnt care about what is best for his daughter & is just trying to make things very difficult for him to form a bond with a daughter he obviosuly adores without you being completly in control... 

If your such a malnipulative control freak why should he just knock on the door? 
---------------


Now, this isn't what i think of you at all, but this is exactly what everyone is going to think if you dont show up at that date and start to make amends for this.

Go offer him 3 hours supervised a week at your house, if you need someone there for the first few visits then say that in the court, but you cant have someone there all the time, you cant expect him to bond with his daughter with people breathing down his neck and making him uncomfortable, plus your baby will pick up on this. 


Now if your ex is anything like mine he is the most :hissy: person on the planet, always has to be in control, always comes out of everything smelling of bloody roses and is such a spoilt little tw*t so and so it makes you sick. Thinking of my ex makes my skin crawl, but if he decides tomorrow he wants to be in E's life, ive got no grounds to not let him.

Its one of these situations you've got to suck up your feelings and do the right thing however you feel about it hun. 

please dont put this off again because its always going to be hanging over you & you'll always wonder what his next move is going to be! 

Court is a scarey process for anyone, i was in and out of courts at 16 with my ex fighting to see his other daughter, its a really horrible bitter process... but a few years on from all that he know has regular access to a little girl that loves her daddy, both of them have new partners, Girls mum has a new baby & is glad for the break when she stays with her dad. 

Its taken them 4years to get to this point where its realitively amicable and im sure there will be things that knock it back into being bitter but more importantly the little girl knows exactly when shes seeing her dad every week & she doesnt get pulled away for months on end or brought into bitter arguements. 

The courts really dont give a monkies about you & him, they just care about your little one and that fact that she should have a relationship with her dad & his family. 

You can PM me anytime if you want to talk about it xxx 

:hug::hug::hug:


----------



## Amy-Lea

''If your such a malnipulative control freak why should he just knock on the door? ''

I don't get this, I'm not the manipulitive one he is.

As fr what you said I agree, however the baby would have to go to his mums with him, he can not know were I live under any circumstances, the reason I left home was because of him but obviously you's dont know the extent because I havn't told but, I have know problem with Hallie going to his mums, once a week like he asked but just not for the full length of time. All I ask is that he has regular drug tests as he used to be on cocaine and i know his brothers still are as I witnessed one taking it at 4pm in the afternoon a few weekends ago. Do I have right to ask him to do this? I am going to go to a solicitors on monday definatley and i appriciate everyone taking time to respond. I just do not want him to be granted parental responsability as he will take this power to his head and will have no quarms in dictating which school she went to etc which he has told me already, I dont see how he should decided when its me who has to take her etc.


----------



## Erised

amy-lea..x said:


> ''If your such a malnipulative control freak why should he just knock on the door? ''
> 
> I don't get this, I'm not the manipulitive one he is.

What she meant is, that your ex has spread a lot of lies to try and get people to believe you're the bad one. And that those people he's been speaking to (who don't know you personally) will believe you're the one who's the 'malnipulative control freak'. She's in no way saying that you are one, she's just saying what those who don't know you and believe your ex's lies will think. 

Good luck on Monday, hopefully you'll get someone who understands the situation you're in. As for drugs testing, bring it up to your solicitor. Mention that you know he's got a past with drugs and that other family members still use it. That you're not certain if he does or not, and ask if it would be possible to get random drugs screenings as you do not want your little girl near it. He should be able to give you advice as to whether or not he could bring it up in the agreement that will be made. 

Once again, good luck. Let us know how things went.


----------



## Amy-Lea

I wasn't thinking the lady was accusing me i just didn't understand what she meant :) Thank You girls x


----------



## jillypoop

To be honest, you just sound petrified and I would have reacted in exactly the same thing.

If you aren't well off, you might be eligible for legal aid, so if you havent already got a solicitor, ring round a few and ask if they offer legal aid. You need to be 110% honest with them, they know what they are doing and will help you out. You won't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with, especially not if the father is taking drugs. If you tell the solicitor everything, take any notes, letters, anything, in to them, they will help you.

You need to get a solicitor asap though if the court date is 17th November. The solicitors may be able to change it as you only instructed them a few days beforehand.

I used to work in the chilcare department in a solicitors so if you need any questions answered, i can try and help :) 

:hugs: xxx


----------



## asacia

Hows things going Amy?


----------



## Amy-Lea

I've been scared to post in this topic as people keep telling me I am not doing myself any favours.

On the morning of the court date I had a panic attack knowing I had to see him again and never went in. Few days previously his mum had approached me in Tescos and touched the baby and said is everything okay. i couldnt respond as I was again having a panic attack but she walked away and my partner caught be just before i passed out.

I'm too scared to even go shopping alone as the father lives a few roads away, I have panic attacks when ever i see a similar car or a friend of his. I dont know what to do. I am in all day every day which has made me gain a few stone hence more depressed.

I cant face court I am so happy in my life excpet for the constant panic attacks when ever his name is mentioned!!


----------



## asacia

Are you getting treatment for the panic attacks? Its important to deal with them as soon as possible - the longer you leave it, the harder it is to overcome them.

I think you do need to get some advice on this matter.

If you haven't already, it might be an idea to:
1) Go to the GP and get help with the anxiety
2) Go to the CAB and get advice on how to deal with this.


----------



## Amy-Lea

My GP isn't worth a penny.
He has no interest in you, he only wants to know if he can prescribe antibiotics for anything!! I've tried councilling, I've tried hypnotheraphy & under no circumstances am I taking medication!


----------

