# How did having a baby change your life?



## younglove

I have a few questions for all the mothers...

How did having a baby change you life? How did affect work (if you do work), your sleeping patterns, and your relationship with your partner? How did it change how you feel about yourself? How does it feel to be a mother? 

How will I know when we're ready to start trying?

Thanks :flower:


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## philly1982

Hey hun, 

It changed my life for the better without a doubt but it has got to be the hardest thing i have ever done in my life! Sleep is a distant memory. When you're pg you moan how it's difficult to get any sleep as it's so uncomfortable. Now i long for those nights as the first few weeks of being a mum i was that tired i felt drunk! :-s My ds is now nearly 18 months and yes 9 out of ten nights he sleeps ok but it's not like when it was just 2 of you. Plus if LO has a bad cold no one gets any sleep. 

My relationship with DF has gone through rocky times, i'll be honest. When you are both so tired you snap at each other over the stupidest of things. Anything he says, do's will annoy the crap out of you. There have been times where we couldn't even be in the same room as each other. However it has brought us closer than i ever thought it would. He has seen me at my worst, through labour, no make-up, hair a mess, scruffy close, tired, no energy to do anything yet he still loves me. There is no better feeling.

Being a mom like i said before is the hardest thing i have ever done. There are no breaks, you feel overwhelmed that it's only you who can look after your child, you cry, get angry. The joy of seeing your baby smile at you or crawl for the first time or when you hear them say 'mama' makes everything worth while. My heart is full of love and i feel truly blessed that i'm that little boys mum. 

You'll love it!  xxx


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## RainbowDrop_x

*How did having a baby change you life? *
It changed it for the better.. No question. It has been hard at times though. Everyone seems to think that when you have a baby it will be all trips to the park to feed the ducks, and playing on the swings and cute little outfits and rays of sunshine... It's not.. Trips to the park are pretty much (IMO) a waste of time until LO is at an age to understand the point of it. The swings (again) don't work until LO is a decent enough size to not fall through. The cute little outfits sometimes need changing up to 4 times a day and I promise you faithfully when you've been up 6+ times a night the world is far from sunny.

*How did affect work (if you do work)*
It didn't really effect work at all tbh.. I got pregnant. Took my mat leave at 36 weeks and returned to the same job & role 9 months later. It did take a while for me to get my confidence back at work but when I did it was pretty much the same as it always was pre-baby

*your sleeping patterns,* 
This is what I struggled with the most!! Of course every baby is different but my DD woke every 3 hours for the first 5 months of her life and by 7ish months she was sleeping through.. All the books will tell you that by 12 weeks baby should be feeding every 4 hours in the day and sleeping at least 12 hours at night.. That is NOT the case. She mostly sleeps through now which is lovely but when she's poorly it's like having a newborn again.. The problem I struggle with is that I've now got so used to her sleeping all night that if she is poorly and is up in the night I find it harder to deal with the day because once again I'm getting less sleep IYKWIM?

*your relationship with your partner?* 
It definitely changed us.. Not in a bad way, because ultimately we are closer since having DD and there's now a different kind of bond between me & him but at the start it did put a massive strain on us. Having said that MIL was in hospital with a serious illness at the end of my pregnancy and she passed away when DD was 6 weeks old so that no doubt had a lot of impact on our relationship, but the lack of sleep definitely effected us both which at times did result in more arguments/bickering. 

*How did it change how you feel about yourself? *
In the early days after giving birth I hated myself.. I was bigger than my normal size, I had marks on my skin that weren't there before, I had a muffin top where my once flat stomach was and also paranoia that my OH didn't find me attractive any more after seeing me give birth.. 19 months on I'm back to my pre-pregnancy size & weight and I've learned to love my mummy marks no matter how ugly they are! 

*How does it feel to be a mother?* 
There are really no words that can describe how it feels to be a mummy. It's amazing. You love it when their little because this a little life that you created and you swell with pride every time you look at them.. But then when they get older and start to walk and talk that love just grows.. And even though the word "mummy" might be repeated 5678987654 times a day.. Every time you hear it it's like the first time.. And hearing it come from that little person that was once so small and reliant on you makes you swell with pride even more. 


*How will I know when we're ready to start trying?*
You will never know. Me & my OH weren't trying when I fell pregnant.. I certainly wouldn't have considered myself "ready" when I fell pregnant.. But now that I have my DD here I would say that I was actually more than ready.. I just didn't know it :flower:


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## Pearls18

How did having a baby change you life? 

Dramatically. It was a big shock, I don't know if it was because it was a surprise pregnancy, or the hormones, or maybe even a little PND but I didn't adjust very well at first. I was 22 living at home in a graduate job, still young in my head, then all of a sudden I felt chained to a baby, that my life was not about me anymore and tbh felt quite suffocated. BUT as he got older, the love grew stronger, we were a little family and I was suddenly the most content I had ever been, he gives purpose to my life, a reason to smile, a reason to get up, most of all a reason too be proud. It can still be a little overwhelming but it is worth it.

How did affect work (if you do work)

Quite a bit for me but my problem is my husband is military and I have the kind of career I need to move to the work but can;t do that with my husband, so with a baby and my husband in mind it gets very complicated- I am trying to find the time and money to do the masters which if I wasn't a mother wouldn't be so difficult. But in terms of working 9-5 it's little different other than needing to take him to the childminder's and pick him up!! I enjoy work more now I am a mother because I enjoy the adult time, and my own life outside of the home (lots of women experience opposite obviously!)

your sleeping patterns, 

This is the biggest change and hardest obstacle at first, I have never experience sleep deprivation like it, I just wanted to cry most days. You hate every person out there who doesn't have children, who get lie ins, and then the mums who brag about their sleeping babies in facebook OMG!!!! But they do get there, by 8 months Elliot was sleeping through the night (he was only waking once a night before that apart from one sleep regression) so for the past 7 months he has slept 7pm-7/8am which is very good so I sleep fine too, I greeeeatly miss lie ins though and with hubby away a lot we can;t take turns often!

your relationship with your partner? 

It changed us and ultimately brought us closer together, but only because we had solid foundations to start with, it will not bring a couple together who ar ehaving big problems. Before falling pregnant I didn't think DH wanted kids, seeing how he reacted to being a father and how amazing he is with Elliot made me fall for him all over again, I meant my wedding vows 100% on our wedding day after DS was born, I am so glad I could say them with such certainty as a result to his reaction to having a child. We make great efforts to have couple time as we are aware we have family commitments, before we may not have bothered so much.

How did it change how you feel about yourself? 

I hated myself at first. I felt fat, I felt like a cow (breastfeeding!), I felt niave and stupid getting pregnant at my stage in life, but then I got confident, saw my amazing boy grow and felt proud, I don;t do everything the way I know I should but I try so hard and know I deserve him and he deserves me.

How does it feel to be a mother? 

Overwhelming at times, sometimes I have these moments of fear knowing he is mostly dependent on me, I have this massive responsibility and I want him to be the happiest little boy in the world and worry I could ruin everything for him. Sometimes I feel selfish when I find things difficult, when I want a break (will reiterate again hubby away loads lol) but most of all it's incredible, knwoing he is made from me and my husband that he is the most loved little boy and is safe, has a lovely home and all he could need, that I have experienced this love and know he shows love back it is just wonderful. It sounds so cheesy but he really does show what life is about, I could never go back.

How will I know when we're ready to start trying?

I don;t know. I thought I was ready when I was 18 but boy was I wrong, I thought having a 'maternal instinct' would make me a natural mother and because I wanted a baby so much that I was ready, but I was wrong. I wasn't ready. But we've made it work. I would just suggest you get yourself as physically ready on paper in terms of finances etc and then I would just let life take its course.


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## ladylou86

Having a baby was the hardest thing i have ever done but by far the best my oldest is now 5 and every day i look at her and her sister who is 3 and feel like the i have won the lottery it is amazing being a mummy 

Sleepless night are still just a problem lol but im not to bothered

I dont work but i do think it would be hard to go back to work and keep up with family life

our relationship has had some real ups and down but to be honest none of them were because of the children however being over tiered has caused a few crossed words over the years lol it has made us stronger being parents.

Being a mother has made me feel like i am doing something amazing my children are my world and there isnt a day that they dont make me smile 

Good luck hun


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## mrspeanut

I can only sum it up as you'll never laugh so much, or be so tired! I don't think there's anything or anyone I'd fight harder for than my baby. DH feels that way too and that makes me so proud xx


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## iow_bird

My mum told me once that having a baby was like throwing a bomb into the middle of a perfectly good marriage! So true!!! Becoming a mum is a major adjustment, you have to change your priorities completely & being so completely responsible for someone so small, helpless & needy is completely overwhelming. It took me a while to adjust, me & hubby bickered a lot as lack of sleep hit (we never so much as had a cross word pre baby) and I didn't get that instant love some women talk about.

BUT...... being a Mum is amazing.... watching this tiny little person grow and discover the world is awesome! Seeing her face when she realised that she had feet was priceless, so many firsts and you see the world in a whole new way. 

Going back to work was really hard, balancing work and a baby is difficult, I disagree that it's as easy as dropping the kid off at daycare, the amount of sick leave I have had to take due to LO being ill has caused problems financially and with my job. I also feel guilty for not being with her and for leaving her with other people. Work is not important in the same way anymore, but more important in another way as I am providing for my family instead of just me & hubby.

As for the change in sleep patterns! hehe!! what sleep patterns...expect no sleep for the first few months...all the stories about babies sleeping through at 2 weeks....they aren't supposed to do that, they wake constantly and need to eat. You will be TIRED!!! Like never before!

I feel ok about myself, I'm not as important as I used to be, I'd like to lose a few pounds, my stomach isn't all flat and I have a few wobbly bits, but I don't really have time to worry about that. I found resuming a good sexual relationship with hubby quite hard as I found it hard switching from Mummy mode to Partner mode, especially with breast feeding. All good now tho ;)

In answer to when you'll know you're ready.... you won't!! Our LO was planned and we TTC for a year before getting UTD, but I still wasn't ready for the massive changes having a baby involved. 

It has been the most worthwhile, amazing, fantastic thing I have ever done though!!! So worth it!!!
(Oh...and the love you have for your baby is indescribable)!


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## x Zaly x

Having a baby is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. i love my little girl to bits but it does have its moments. I had a great pregnancy compared to most people. I never had morning sickness or felt uncomfortable, well until the last week understandably lol. After my daughter was born i was so happy, but hated my body and had really bad stretch marks so felt insecure. I felt that i wasnt attractive any more and that my husband didnt find me as attractive. But now that i look back on that it was really dumb to think like that i mean i had a baby! You cant be expected to look ur best after 9 months of being stretched lol. I dont know what all the fuss was about..I am back to my pre pregnancy weight and my stretch marks have faded away, and also learned that guys dont really notice all that any way hehe. As for sleep i am blessed to have a daughter that has slept through since she was about 10 months. I love being a mummy, its all worth it and cant wait for number two. :D x


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## carolinaw

I know a baby will bring laugh and worries to me but it's my duty to be a mom. After having a baby, my world will run with her. I know I will be more tired than before and lose much freedom to do what I want and where I go, but me and my dh love children. So when we decided to get married, we were trying to have a baby. It's natural. I am proud of my pregnancy and even I want to tell the world i love her so much. 
and about work, after my maternity leave, my mom will stay with us and take care with my girl, and I will go back to work.


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## starlight2801

Becoming a mummy is the best thing that has ever happened to me, no doubt about it, but as others have said it won't be easy.
At least to begin with you have to function on no sleep (they say sleep when baby sleeps but there's always a long list of other things you want to/have to do) but my daughter is 10 months old now and I'm getting more sleep again.
Ive never known love like that I feel for Maia. She makes me laugh, makes me cry and is my world :)
I have just gone back to work part time after 11 months maternity leave and it's not as bad as I thought. Maia gets on well at nursery and work goes quickly. I need to regain a bit of confidence work wise as its a long time to be out of it but I'm sure that it'll come back before long. 
I agree that your relationship with your oh does change and being tired, not to mention the physical and emotional demands of having a baby leads to more arguments. That said I think underneath that we have a deeper love and respect for each other than we did before. 
I'm ok with my post baby body. I'm a bit heavier than before and my body has widened but I love my body more than ever as it reminds me of growing my beautiful baby girl (and to be honest could look much worse).
When do you know when you're ready to TTC? Never. Maia was planned but I think having a baby is such a big change you always have worries about being ready for it. 
When the time comes you'll love it I'm sure x


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## Hunbun

How did having a baby change you life? 

Very much so. Mostly for the better. It's amazing how little time that you have available for yourself anymore, but at the same time you don't really mind. Its not easy to just nip out to the shops anymore, or sit and do your hair and make up. You can't relax and watch tv, in fact its been months since I have watched a full programme! Its worth it though. 

How did affect work (if you do work)

I haven't returned to work yet. I am planning to get a part time job so I can still spend most of my time with LO. Nurseries are so expensive that I won't really have much of my wages left after we pay for everything. I am mostly going back to get me out and about again, to have some more adult conversations. It will be good for LO to learn social skills with other kids as well. 

your sleeping patterns, 

I miss sleeping. I love my sleep so this was really hard for me. There were days I was so tired I could cry, LO wouldn't nap during the day either at first. But now, 5 months down the line, he sleeps from 7pm - 11.30pm feed, change then from 11.30pm - 8am. Its like heaven! 

your relationship with your partner? 

I don't feel that it has changed us at all. The only difference is we don't get quite as much time just us, but it doesn't matter yet because he is still so little. When it starts to become an issue we will start to make more of an effort. 

How did it change how you feel about yourself? 

I still feel less independant than before, I need to work on getting that back. I felt massive as well and my tummy is all stretch marks, but I am losing weight (slowly). As for the stretch marks.... they aren't going anywhere but it is just me and DH that sees them. 

How does it feel to be a mother? 

I still don't think of myself as a mummy. I sometimes marvel at the responsability I have to care for him, he depends on me so much. But watching him learn and grow is amazing. I love how he gets so excited when he sees me and how he is amazed by all the little things, like his hands.

How will I know when we're ready to start trying?

I guess every person is different. I just knew when I was ready. We had been talking about it for a while and at first the idea scared me, but gradually it started feeling right. I was only 21 when we decided but it felt right and it still does.


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## goddess25

How did having a baby change you life? 
It changed beyond recognition but for the better. I never wanted children then I turned 34 and decided that I did. I have totally changed as a person, I used to be fairly selfish and materialistic always buying myself things which isn't bad, enjoying holidays etc. Now I do virtually nothing for myself (which I need to change a bit) and everything I do and buy is for my children. I thought I knew what love was until I had my babies. The pleasure and joy I get each and every day watching them, feeling their cuddles and kisses is incredible.

How did affect work (if you do work)
Its been a struggle. I am a nurse and my regular job is a shift working job. My hubby does constant nights so I cannot do nights. Over here its very difficult to find a job with day hours and their is no duty to accommodate. After my first child I lucked out with a secondment for a day job. This time I might not be so lucky and I might have to quit my job and do some casual work which I am not looking forward too. It scares me. I have no family here to help with childcare and childcare if you can find it is very expensive.

your sleeping patterns
This is tough. I have lucked out with 2 kids that actually sleep overnight. However my LO is up very early in the morning and I am constantly exhausted. 

your relationship with your partner?
It has changed a lot. IN some ways we are closer and in others we have some problems. We are constantly bickering about who is the most tired and silly stuff like that. I miss time just with him. We never have any time alone as he works nights. We have no one to baby sit so no date nights. I miss him.

How did it change how you feel about yourself? 
Its up and down. I am having a few issues with my almost 3 year old and I am constantly punishing myself as a mother. It doesn't come with an instruction manual and you don't take classes in parenthood, its hard and I constantly think I am a failure and terrible mother.

How does it feel to be a mother?
Wonderful. I cannot believe that my husband and I made these 2 human beings and I actually grew them inside me and gave birth to them. The whole process is incredible. 

How will I know when we're ready to start trying?
There is never a right time to TTC. There is always a reason why its not a good idea. You just need to take the plunge. As long as you have a stable relationship and are able to financially support yourself and a child then go for it.


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## deb.

There's nothing you can do in advance to prepare your heart for what it feels like to be a mother... it is unlike anything else in the world. My life has a whole different purpose now.


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## younglove

Just wanted to bump this thread as it is one of my favourites and it serves to remind me why I am waiting to try....


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## Daisy_Delayne

My pregnancy was wonderful and uneventful and I loved it, but I wasn't prepared for the recovery. I had an unexpected c-section, because baby wouldn't descend (turned out she got stuck when my waters broke too early, and couldn't get into position), so recovering from that wasn't easy. My incision became infected multiple times, I developed Mastitis which was horrible, and I'm still having recurring hemorrhoids. So definitely nothing glamorous about early motherhood for me lol. But I've never had any regrets. I love my daughter to bits, and can't believe I created something so beautiful. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones as far as sleep. At four moths old, she's sleeping 8-10 hours straight without a feed in between. But even when she was awake every couple hours, it was surprisingly easy, even though I usually need a lot of sleep. Maybe it's because I have no life outside this house right now lol. No social life, but I wouldn't have it any other way! As for work, I'm off for a year at 55% of my pay, then back to the same job, which is a web chat customer service rep. I didn't know for sure that I was ready for a baby, which kind of adds to the excitement. I don't think you can ever be sure, but you won't regret it.


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## Indi13

Reading this thread whilst watching One Born Every minute...what was I thinking! Broodyness attack! :wacko: 

Thank you for the honesty about the hard things, but it is clear from all of you that the love you feel far outweights any of them. Great thread!


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