# Would you go through IVF to guarantee gender?



## MommyPrice

Hi! I'm a mother two four handsome boys - 4 years, 2 years, and twin 4 month olds :baby: :baby:

I love them all dearly - I knew each time that we got pregnant, that there was a chance for the baby to be either a boy or a girl, and I didn't care... until the last time. I didn't think I'd have twins (even though I was on Clomid). I never wanted more than four kids, and now it looks like I won't ever have a girl. :cry: 

However, someone mentioned that you can do some family balancing through IVF, and we'd donate any male embryos that came into existence to other infertile couples. My main concern is that I don't want my boys to feel that they weren't good enough, because they are! I just always pictured having at least one daughter, and I'm afraid I'll never get to experience that now. :nope: Would you go through IVF (providing you had the funds) to guarantee the gender of your choice?


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## george83

I have 3 boys (hats off to you coping with your little lot, I bet they are amazing with each other being so close) and still can't accept I won't get my daughter. I probably would do gender selection if I was needing to have ivf anyway and as long as nobody else ever knew as like you I'd hate my boys thinking they weren't special enough and couldn't deal with other people thinking that either.. I know it's never going to be option for us though so maybe in reality id change my mind when it came to it


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## hanni

If you can comfortably afford it, go for it! Your money and your life. I probably wouldn't tell too many people though as I can imagine it would get some quite strong opinions.


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## donnarobinson

If I could chose to have a girl I would 
My boys are amazing i love them dearly is still like a girl tho X


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## Torz

In the uk unfortunately it's not an option, you can't select gender even with IVF. 

If it was an option I think I would just for 1 try & if it didn't work I'd just admit that it wasn't ment to be for me.


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## Misscalais

If you can afford it why not? I had thought about it but when it came down to it i personally wouldn't be able to. 
I got lucky though and accidentally got pregnant with #4 and got a little sister for my 3 boys.
I don't think it's something you'd have to tell your boys you went through to have a daughter. Im sure they know their mumma loves them dearly :hugs:


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## Boo44

See I don't think I could, purely because I couldn't bear to give away any male embryos as they would also be mine! So as much as I'd love a girl, really I just love the baby that we get and think there would be too much emotion there for me to consider IVF gender selection


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## Andypanda6570

Boo44 said:


> See I don't think I could, purely because I couldn't bear to give away any male embryos as they would also be mine! So as much as I'd love a girl, really I just love the baby that we get and think there would be too much emotion there for me to consider IVF gender selection

I agree, I couldn't do it..I have 3 boys older, I lost my surprise pregnancy at 40 ..My Ava.. So it is possible after 3 4 or 5 boys to get your girl.. <3


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## laila 44

Yes, I would. I'm currently having our third girl and we are thrilled however I have to be honest... If I was having my third boy i would be devastated. Not that boys aren't amazing, they really are however for me I would really really want to have at least one daughter in my life. I don't feel the same way about a son though. If I'd have a boy, great! But if I don't ever have a son then that would be ok too. I just can't say the same about a daughter. My mom is my best friend and I adore her, so maybe that's why having daughter is important to me? Regardless, I would definately do Ivf if I had boys but wanted just one daughter xx

This post isn't meant to offend anyone with boys btw I love love love little boys I'm merely stating my honest opinion as to what I would do if I was a mother of only boys and wanted to try for one more.


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## Boo44

How can you know how you would feel if you were a mother to only boys though laila? You might not feel like that at all! I like girls and love my nieces but I have no idea how I would feel about a son if I had 3 daughters. It's not as cut and dry as that...


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## laila 44

Boo44 said:


> How can you know how you would feel if you were a mother to only boys though laila? You might not feel like that at all! I like girls and love my nieces but I have no idea how I would feel about a son if I had 3 daughters. It's not as cut and dry as that...

Yes you are right I don't know how I would feel exactly, I agree with you boo. However I know I'd really really want a daughter so I can assume id probably be more inclined to gender select or "family balance " if I were a mother to only boys and wanted one more xx


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## Isme

If I'm not mistaken isn't there a way to gender select for a girl without IVF? I thought they could use some super spinner (not a scientific term, but pregnancy brain has a firm grip at the moment) to spin the sperm so that girl sperm were separated from the male sperm and then could be injected via IUI or something? I might be totally wrong, though. It has happened before. lol

As for the original question, I wouldn't be against it. If I had the resources and was healthy enough for it (the extra hormones scare me a little), then it would be something to consider. I'm don't see anything wrong with it. You can love your existing children and still want another, why can't it be the same when you are talking about a specific gender? Right now I have two daughters and don't feel the need to balance things out with a son. I'd be very happy with another daughter. But as someone else mentioned, maybe I would feel differently if I only had sons?


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## babyjan

Didn't that woman chrissy teigen who's married to John legend select a girl through ivf.

I personally wouldn't do it x


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## Boo44

If it was just as easy as making embryos of a preferred gender then maybe. But actually it's making embryos then seeing which gender they are and disposing of or giving away the other gender and that's what I couldn't do!


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## confused87com

I agree with the pp. I would see them all as my potential children and wouldn't be able to pick. ....I think. ...but until you are in that situation I suppose you never know how you would feel


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## MrsM17

You can have sperm sorting (microsort) x


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## mummy2_1

See sperm sorting I would still see as potential children. Personally (and everyone is entitled to their own opinion) I wouldn't gender select just bcos of that. Deselected potential children. Apart of the joy is finding out what u are having whether at gender scan or the birth. I sympathise with families that suffer with gd. But ur babies are ur babies for a reason.


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## MrsM17

I would not see sperm alone as any potential children. Trillions in fact way more than that are 'wasted' daily by many men around the world, none of which were ever destined to become a baby. Sperm are just sperm imp. Ethics only comes into it once they fertilise an egg and if this never occurs then they are just sperm and 'wasted' like all the others. I don't look at all the sperm my husband has 'wasted' when we were not ttc and think that I have lost zillions of potential children. Obviously just my opinion though x


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## donnarobinson

mummy2_1 said:


> See sperm sorting I would still see as potential children. Personally (and everyone is entitled to their own opinion) I wouldn't gender select just bcos of that. Deselected potential children. Apart of the joy is finding out what u are having whether at gender scan or the birth. I sympathise with families that suffer with gd. But ur babies are ur babies for a reason.

I don't think there is any need to comment with comments like ur babies are ur babies for a reason we no this I take it you have one of each


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## DannaD

I would do it. If I was to do IVF I'd do genetic screening (to be sure there's no genetic problems) and you find out the sex then. Why ask not to know and let the doctor pick instead of choosing myself with my husband?
I had fertility issues so IVF was discussed for a while.


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## pinkribbon

No, I wouldn't. I don't think it's wrong but I personally wouldn't do it. I have 3 boys and while I would have liked a daughter the children I have is exactly who I was meant to have in my life. Not everything in life can be controlled and I think this is one of them for me.


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## vermeil

This is obviously a grey area and very personal. 

Gender selection is technically illegal in Canada, which I agree with. Because it opens the door to the ugliness we see in some communities where 115+ boys are born for 100 girls.

But I have one of each. If I had only boys and really wanted a girl, would I have considered going to a us ivf clinic for it? Probably? who knows.

I went through ivf for my second child and got 6 embryos. They transferred them back in order of quality. This gave me my beautiful daughter. I did no genetic screening though (no need) but if I had and the doctor had said 'by the way you have 2 xx and 4 xy' I would be tempted to choose. But since it's illegal I suppose he/she wouldn't have told me anyway?

In any regard I would donate the extra embryos or freeze them for later. In fact I still have two that I need to decide on, try for a third child or donate to another couple. 

I think it's different when you've been down the ivf path already and have had to think through the ramifications... perhaps my opinon would be different if I hadn't had to navigate those complex waters.

Btw ivf is free here in Quebec because the law only allows transferring one embryo per cycle. Because it drastically reduces the amount of twin pregnancies. Which are the largest source of premature births. Which are very costly for our public health-care. My own preemies care cost a small fortune since he was 4 months in nicu (not to me but to the system!). It seems fair that ivf be free in return for that limitation. It's also much cheaper than in the us anyway, about 1/4 of the cost. It's still a fairly new system but early results are promising - far fewer preemie babies! Healthier babies and mom's and less need to long nicu stays.

Sorry I am rambling, I have spent dozens of hours researching all this!


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## ElmoBumpToBe

I have three boys and am expecting what we think is probably our 4th boy (sonographer said looking boyish at 13 week scan) I have to say that as much as I would adore the chance to finally have a daughter, I personally could not do it because I would see disposing of the embryos the same as aborting my boys and donating the same as giving my boys up for adoption, would love a girl but never at the cost of one of our boys does that make sense? I would however do sperm selection if that exsists? I don't see sperm as being the same, as someone else said, thousand get wasted every day due to protected sex etc! X


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## topsy

No, not now.... I would be happy witha boy or girl... but I would of at one point. xxxxx


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## Wombat

If I'd be desperate for a specific gender I would do it.
We have 3 boys between us, tomorrow is a gender scan for this baby, and, although I would like to have a girl now, if it is a boy I'd be equally happy.

But, if it is a boy - we are trying one more time (hmm... probably if it is a girl, we are trying one more time anyways, I want 4 kids :D )

What I DO want to say, I DO not view choosing a girl embryo over a boy embryo as a killing of others... If couple goes through IVF, they usually have a few good quality embryos to be transferred back. Which are chosen randomly. So, if I wanted a specific gender, and knew there are 2 male and 2 female, all same quality, why not transfer the gender I want? Freeze the others. And if I decide not to use them later, other embryos would have to be destroyed (isn't it what is being done anyways?).

I could not donate my embryos though... Since they would be genetically mine. But it is personal.

So, on the whole - if you have 2-3 boys and want a girl - I would go for it!
Also other way around.


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## ElmoBumpToBe

Wombat said:


> If I'd be desperate for a specific gender I would do it.
> We have 3 boys between us, tomorrow is a gender scan for this baby, and, although I would like to have a girl now, if it is a boy I'd be equally happy.
> 
> But, if it is a boy - we are trying one more time (hmm... probably if it is a girl, we are trying one more time anyways, I want 4 kids :D )
> 
> What I DO want to say, I DO not view choosing a girl embryo over a boy embryo as a killing of others... If couple goes through IVF, they usually have a few good quality embryos to be transferred back. Which are chosen randomly. So, if I wanted a specific gender, and knew there are 2 male and 2 female, all same quality, why not transfer the gender I want? Freeze the others. And if I decide not to use them later, other embryos would have to be destroyed (isn't it what is being done anyways?).
> 
> I could not donate my embryos though... Since they would be genetically mine. But it is personal.
> 
> So, on the whole - if you have 2-3 boys and want a girl - I would go for it!
> Also other way around.

It's hard isn't it I know what you are saying I mean we where waiting to start IVF when I fell pregnant and we did consider egg sharing, and even without egg sharing, if I had ended up with say 5 embryos and trasferrd one we had 4 frozen, at some point down the line I would have had to decide what to do with those embryos and I guess they would then be either donated or destroyed and I would maybe have been ok with that I mean I would have had to have been as they can't keep them forever can they but somehow I would feel differently donating or disposing of them BECAUSE they where boys or girls. It's just a personal feeling and choice I guess but one things for sure I would never judge someone who did do it!! X


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## 6lilpigs

Sperm sorting/spinning has a pretty poor success rate of pregnancy and correct gender, and I think most clinics have stopped offering it. For me, yes I would have gone High Tech/IVF if money was no object but luckily swaying for a boy HE style worked for us three times now. The possible extra embryo question would be everybodies own personal dilema, whether to donate, dispose or try with them for themselves at a later date. I used the gender dreaming site, they have excellent up to date information on current High Tech clinics and the most up to date swaying advice for people who want to try the natural approach:)


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## cosmicgirlxxx

As a mum of 6 boys, lets face it, I'm not going to get a little girl naturally.
If it were as easy as sorting sperm then yes, I'd do it in a heartbeat.
I could never give away any of my embryo's though and would not want to go through IVF.


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## MommyPrice

Thank you all for your input! After much discussion, my husband and I are starting the IVF process next week with our initial consult. We are going to freeze the unused embryos and either donate them to an infertile couple, or donate them to stem cell research. We are quite excited to finally be getting our girl - we love our boys dearly, but our family doesn't feel 'complete' without having _her_. :)


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## lau86

Good luck I think you're very brave!


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## DobbyForever

I totally would. Having a son first is so extremely and illogically important to the people in my life. I would be happy either way, but I know they would be disappointed and the first boy to show up would always out shine my baby. The only thing is the amount it costs I couldn't justify that. Especially living the Bay Area of Cali where everything is so expensive. I think that choosing the sex or health is up to parental discretion, though I do worry how it could imbalance things if it became too widespread. But for me it goes to far when you start picking out eye color or hair type and what not. I want some mystery ;)

Congrats on your decision and I hope your baby girl is everything your family was hoping for :). And tha is so noble of you to donate any male embryos.


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## cnsweeney

I personally couldn't do it . I mentioned it to dh just in conversation and he was like what ?! (In an excited way) then in a matter of seconds his smile faded and he was like actually , no . I'd feel wrong . Whatever God wants us to have , we will have . & that spoke volumes to me . 
But to anyone who does do it , that is their choice .best of luck to you whatever you decide :)


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## laila 44

Good for you! That's so exciting! Wishing u lots of luck! Come back and update xo


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## Wish85

Personally I wouldn't do it, no. This is only because I believe children choose us as their parents to learn the things they need to in this life. I also believe that we are not the same sex in every life so your daughter might have been male in a past life and visa versa. I already have a son and I couldn't give two hoots what this next one is. Boy/Girl - doesn't matter to me.

That being said, would I judge someone else for doing it? No.


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## Emma93

I *personally* wouldn't. I'm a big believer in fate and a believer that everything happens for a reason. I have two daughters at the moment. *However*, I do understand what you're saying. We have 3 girls between us, so I would love a boy next time. Especially as our next baby could be our last. But I wouldn't be disappointed if the baby were another girl, I only know girls so it's my 'comfort zone'. If it's something you're passionate about (which you clearly are) then you can all but try! - X


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