# 5 year old won't sleep by herself. Desperate and may try TV in room.



## CaliDreaming

My daughter is nearly 6 years old and still will not got to sleep by herself in her room. She's always had a hard time winding down and falling asleep ever since she's been able to get out of crib. She is not afraid of the dark or monsters or anything like that. She is just a "spirited" child who can be very intense, so the regular advice given for this problem about creating routines, setting boundaries, positive reinforcement, etc. just does not work for her. Her little brother is 2 and we have been able to train him to go to sleep by himself, so I know those strategies can be effective, but they just are not right for my daughter.

Another problem is that she has always needed less sleep than most children and will rarely sleep more than 10 hours a day no matter how sleep deprived. It was a total disaster for us when she was in preschool since she was required to take long naps and then she would be up all night. The only way I could get her to go to sleep back then was to physically get in bed with her, and even then it would often take her a long time to settle because she just wasn't sleepy.

Now that she is 5 and in Kindergarten she does not need naps and so I can get her in bed much earlier than when she was in preschool, so at least I can get more sleep and time to get ready for work in the morning. However, she is still no where near the point where she will go to sleep by herself. Not even close.

I've been reading online about other parents who have this problem and the outlook seems pretty bleak. I've read lots of stories about kids who are 12 and still need their parent with them to fall asleep. I can easily see my daughter being one of those so I'm ready to try some other strategies. I really am ready for a day when she goes to bed and I can have me time and alone time with dh that I need. 

The only time she ever falls asleep on her own is when she's tired and watching T.V. She only watches T.V. on weekends because we are all so busy during the week. I have resisted putting a TV in her room up until now because I know the problems that can cause, but I think in her case she might be the exception. Having the TV on does seem to help her wind down for some strange reason. I'm going to let her have it on in her room only at bedtime and only if she will stay in her room alone with the light off and fall asleep within a reasonable period of time. If it doesn't work, then I'll just take the set out.

Does anyone else have a child like this?


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## k4th

My lg is 5 too. She could sleep as a sport though. Recently (the last 12 months ish) she hasn't wanted to go to sleep at her bedtime. We put her in charge of a light in her room & she's allowed books and 3 toys. At 8pm we go up to tell her to turn her light off 9/10 times she's asleep already with a book stuck to her face! 

My own personal worry with a tv is what they might come across if they wake up in the night & then it on. Or if they become so dependant that they need it on if they wake in the night. 

Totally sympathise with the sleep issue worry though. Dd sleeps brilliantly.... ds on the other hand....

Hope you find something that works for you x


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## SarahBear

I don't have a child like that and I'm very much against TV's in the bedroom. However, it does sound like you've thought this through thoroughly and it may be a worthwhile strategy to try for your particular child. However, I would recommend checking in frequently enough to make sure it isn't left on too long after she has fallen asleep. Even though it may help her wind down, there's still a good chance the continued noise and light may contribute to poor quality sleep.


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## CaliDreaming

SarahBear, up to now I've been very opposed to children having TV in their beds too, so it's been a tough decision for me. I had tried letting her sleep with music but she wasn't having it. I just don't know what else to do. I will definitely turn it off after she's fallen asleep. The good thing about my girl is that once she falls asleep she's a pretty hard sleeper. It's just getting her to settle down to fall asleep that is the problem. I'm also going to make a rule that the TV is only to be used when she's going to sleep and no other time. 

k4th, I am also concerned about what she will do when she wakes up in the middle of the night. Right now, she often wakes in the middle of the night and comes to get in our bed. I guess she's so accustomed to me sleeping with her that when she wakes in the night she wants me to be there. If she gets used to falling asleep to the TV, I imagine she'd either want to turn it back on or still make the trek over to sleep with us. I guess I'm just going to have to tackle one problem at a time.

Another problem I'm probably going to have is when her brother gets older and wants a TV in his room too, but I think that is an easier fix than getting her to fall asleep.


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## Wannabe Mommy

Could you try audio books or one of the smooth fm type radio stations. Something soothing, just thinking that tv might be too visually stimulating and have the opposite effect to what you're wanting.


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## BunnyN

She sounds a lot like our DD. She is only 3.5 but I'm not seeing the sleep thing resolving itself by the time she is 5, lol. She is always on the move. Just about the only thing that will make her still is TV. We have settled on letting her fall asleep in the living room with us while watching TV in the evening. Then OH puts her in bed. I was not keen on the idea of doing it this way but honestly in the end it was the only way we could cope. We also have 21 month old and I'm 8months pregnant so spending 2hrs a night putting her to bed was too much. Her brother is totally different about sleep and will actually ask to go to bed if its getting past his bed time. We usually let her see one or two episodes of a cartoon and then put something else on. Her favourite is cooking programs, lol. I have thought of one day putting a TV in her room altough like you in the past I would have been dead against it. I have thought that rather than a TV I would go with some kind of system that plays pre recorded programs so I can choose what she is watching.


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## CaliDreaming

Wannabe mommy, I haven't tried audiobooks but I have tried soothing music. The music helps her somewhat but only if I'm there with her. :( The only way she willingly stays in her room alone is if she's allowed to have her tablet or watch TV.

I really despise having to fall asleep with the TV on so I don't understand people who need the TV on to sleep. My theory is that since my daughter is an extreme extrovert that the TV distracts her from the fact that she's alone in her room, but since it doesn't require her to interact with it, it allows her brain to calm down enough to sleep.


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## CaliDreaming

BunnyH, yes your dd sounds a lot like mine! Sometimes you really just have to do what you have to do. Isn't it funny how two kids can be so different? I don't know what I would have done if ds had also had a hard time with sleep routines. He also tends to fight sleep but for him, all of the standard advice worked.

Congrats on your new baby about to be born!!! :)


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## LoveCakes

Could you try actual books? The light from tv inthink is supposed to stimulate the brain but the softer light from a lamp might help?


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## Fruitmash

DD was very similar and we got her an amazon fire kids. She likes watching nursery rhymes on YouTube and it also has free amazon prime kids for a year. I like that I can take it off her, and there is no access to anything that I wouldn't want her watching. She gets 10 minutes, more if she's been really good that day and it's worked a treat. At no point has she woken up asking for it and I don't have to worry about her turning it on without my say so because I've taken it into my room


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## SarahBear

CaliDreaming said:


> Another problem I'm probably going to have is when her brother gets older and wants a TV in his room too, but I think that is an easier fix than getting her to fall asleep.

I think it's easy enough. Just explain that she has it because it helps her fall asleep and he doesn't have it because it makes it harder for him to fall asleep. Then help him think of things that would help him fall asleep such as an extra bedtime story or some other calming activity. Although we don't have a TV, we actually do have music for the kids to fall asleep to. It's a definite habit now, but they can manage without, if they need to.


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## CaliDreaming

I tried dd sleeping in bed with the TV on last night and unfortunately this is not going to be the quick fix I was hoping it would be. When I told her I was going to let her have TV in her room to help her sleep, she was very enthusiastic. I told her if she did not fall asleep, the TV would be turned off.

Before it was time to go to bed, she had already turned off the light, gotten under the covers and closed the door with the TV on. I was very hopeful at this point because this is a HUGE milestone for her. It is the first time she's ever gotten in bed like this willingly. I went to check on her a half hour later and she was very still and relaxed, but still not asleep. I gave her a few more minutes and still not asleep. Then dh went to check on her and then I heard loud giggles and knew that she was not going to fall asleep by herself with the TV on.

So after that I went in her room to turn off the tv and got in bed with her. She went to sleep in less than five minutes, so I guess it wasn't a total loss. She went to sleep about 1.5 hours past her usual bedtime, but wasn't cranky this morning fortunately, so I guess having the tv got her part of the way there.

I think I am going to continue letting her have TV in her room just to get her in the habit of actually getting in bed and getting relaxed without me, but I'll only leave it on 15-20 minutes or so. Then I'll work on getting her to actually fall asleep.

Wannabe Mommy, I think I'll try audio books once she is in the habit of being in bed by herself. The TV is clearly not a great long term option. Then maybe I could transition her over to soft music and then maybe one day she wouldn't need anything. 

She has her yearly wellness exam coming up soon so I'll also ask her pediatrician about giving her melatonin. I'm a little skittish about that but I wonder if she took it briefly if it would help her calm down earlier in the night.


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## Boomerslady

My son is also bad at winding down and sleeping, he gets 8-10 hours which isn't enough, but doesn't seem tired the next day. For years he's been taking his kindle to bed, I tuck him in at 7, and it's taken away between 7.30-8.30 depending on what day it is, or if I'm busy cooking etc!

He then won't sleep until 9-10, he plays, reads, colours etc and when he's ready to sleep he puts a nightlight on, turns off his main light and tucks himself in. Of course I get lots of 'mummmmy I need a red pen' or 'mummmmy I can't find the toy I realllly want' etc, but he's given 3 earnings and if he goes past that the light is turned off and he's tucked in. It generally works, he knows when he's ready for sleep, some nights he'll give me the kindle back early, other nights he won't play at all etc but I'm very big on him being able to fall asleep without me.


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## catty

Id give it a go! 5 years sounds so tough and personally i think a bit of tv before bed is better for everyone as you need time to yourself too! It might just be what she needs to get used to not having you there and then eventually she might not even need the tv at all. 
Id think very differently if she was say 2 but at 5 there is not that much harm that can be done with a little wind down tv before bed surely? 
My son watches an episode of his favourite programme before bed every night in the living room. He doesnt have a tv in his room but in 2.5 years if he wouldnt sleep i think id be for it.


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## BunnyN

It sounds like it might be progress anyway. Can you switch to something that is not so interesting after 20mins? DD sees childrens programs for 20mins or so then we put something like the cooking chanel on. She still likes it enough to watch it but it isnt so likely to keep her awake.


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## pompeyvix

My daughter is 4 and can't fall asleep without one of us next to her. She's been like this for years. Like your daughter, she doesnt seem to need as much sleep as other children her age. If she is asleep by 8pm , it's an achievement! Today she was asleep at 9.15!

I have no advice, but wanted to say you're not alone. My husband and I take it in turns to take her to bed and lay with her and whoever does it, has less of an evening. 

I've just accepted that's just the way things are and am hoping in her own time she won't need us anymore. But in the meantime, we are going to keep doing it as I must admit I do enjoy the cuddles & snuggles. I figure one day she won't need or want us in that way, so in a funny way I am trying to make the most of it!


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## Midnight_Fairy

pompeyvix said:


> My daughter is 4 and can't fall asleep without one of us next to her. She's been like this for years. Like your daughter, she doesnt seem to need as much sleep as other children her age. If she is asleep by 8pm , it's an achievement! Today she was asleep at 9.15!
> 
> I have no advice, but wanted to say you're not alone. My husband and I take it in turns to take her to bed and lay with her and whoever does it, has less of an evening.
> 
> I've just accepted that's just the way things are and am hoping in her own time she won't need us anymore. But in the meantime, we are going to keep doing it as I must admit I do enjoy the cuddles & snuggles. I figure one day she won't need or want us in that way, so in a funny way I am trying to make the most of it!


I do this too. I cant imagine it lasting forever. Even when my older 2 cant sleep now they are old enough to either lay and relax or read a book etc without me. 

With my eldest daughter, we used audio books and they worked well x


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## Bevziibubble

pompeyvix said:


> My daughter is 4 and can't fall asleep without one of us next to her. She's been like this for years. Like your daughter, she doesnt seem to need as much sleep as other children her age. If she is asleep by 8pm , it's an achievement! Today she was asleep at 9.15!
> 
> I have no advice, but wanted to say you're not alone. My husband and I take it in turns to take her to bed and lay with her and whoever does it, has less of an evening.
> 
> I've just accepted that's just the way things are and am hoping in her own time she won't need us anymore. But in the meantime, we are going to keep doing it as I must admit I do enjoy the cuddles & snuggles. I figure one day she won't need or want us in that way, so in a funny way I am trying to make the most of it!

Same here :)


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## CaliDreaming

Thanks so much everyone!! So glad to hear I'm not the only one dealing with this. I still have dd getting into bed by herself with the TV and she still enthusiastic about it. She still needs me to fall asleep after 20 minutes of TV, but she's not been resistant when I tell her it's time for the TV to go off. 

We just had Thanksgiving here in the U.S. last week, so I'm going to continue on for another week or two at least to figure out what to do next. Christmas is almost here too so that complicates things.


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## Eleanor ace

A bit out there but have you considered getting a pet for her?! Maybe if she had a little friend in there with her it might help her. A hamster/rat/guinea pig etc, or a dog or cat to sleep on her bed!


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## Gym knickers

What about putting her in with her brother for a bit? It's slightly different for us as ours are both girls but since they've been sharing we just tuck them in after story and say good night and they both just go to sleep. We used to have a huge rigmarole of cuddles, drinks, toilet, crying etc but this seems to have completely taken all of that away and we are months in now.


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## CaliDreaming

Eleanor Ace, I did try having our dog in there with her but she still acted like she does when she's there by herself. She was never very attached to our dog so that might be why it didn't work/


Gym Knickers,
I would try that having her sleep with her brother but I'm afraid she'll end up waking him up instead of him helping her sleep!

Since I last posted, dd has gotten in a good routine of getting in bed by herself and at least winding down in bed by herself. I come in after 15 minutes to see if she's asleep and turn off the T.V. if not. There have been a couple of occasions where she's fallen asleep in that span, but those were both days where she hadn't gotten at least 9 hours of sleep. I hope one day to not have to use the T.V. as a crutch but for now I think we have made progress.


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## willow25

I have recently been on a sleep east course and have a load of literature about ideas and techniques if you are interested ? My daughter is autistic and has always struggled with sleep, bio melatonin didn't do much for her and the long term affects can be counter productive as the body can stop producing its own melatonin. 
PM me your email address if you want to look at the literature from the sleep training course, I feel your pain !


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## CaliDreaming

Thanks so much Willow! I pm'd you. Interesting the melatonin had no effect on your daughter. I'm very leery of it.


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