# FOB is a pedophile. I feel so gross.



## Croc-O-Dile

edited.


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## andrea16

Aaww im sry mamaz dats sad nd i would be pissed t0..add me t0 ur c0ntacts


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## alysedelovely

I'm so sorry my dear. I know you must feel so hurt and betrayed. try to stay calm for little olivia :) just know that at least you are having a beautiful daughter out of this horrible man. 

people like him have serious issues and I really think you are doing the best thing for your daughter :)


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## Croc-O-Dile

Thanks. I always thought in the back of my mind that he was like this, but to actually have it proven and in my face is completely different. 

He had the balls to text my mom earlier and tell us that his grandmother didn't want to be a part of my baby shower when I went out of my way for her to make sure she felt included. When my mom asked why she felt this way he said it was because she didn't see the need to socialize with me until after Olivia's born but she would send something for her. At which point I text him and told him that he and his family can keep their gifts because they're no longer welcome in my home. :growlmad:


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## emilyjean

Croc-O-Dile said:


> At which point I text him and told him that he and his family can keep their gifts because they're no longer welcome in my home. :growlmad:


Ha! Good for you girlie! It must hurt a lot right now, but be thankful that you've realized it before your LO is born. Honestly I would definitely press statutory rape charges, because it would also solve his parental rights issue. Plus, it would prevent other girls from going through the same thing you are, you know? 

Props to you for being so strong! :thumbup:


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## futuremommy91

You were being used hun- by a sick and disgusting man. I cannot tell you how sorry I am that this man ever entered your life. But do NOT blame yourself. This is what he is good at- manipulation. 

When I was 14 I had a (brief, thank god) stint with a 23 year old man who CONSTANTLY tried to get me to have sex with him. I was lucky to have my mom make me see who he truly was before it escalated to that, but for a while after I felt so dumb for getting into the situation in the first place. You are not in any way weak, stupid or at fault- *******s like this are real pros at manipulation.

I definitely think it is a good idea that you are making him sign over rights- and I really can't imagine him getting them back, even if he decided he wanted them back later on. He committed stat rape and there is physical proof. 

Do you think counseling could help? I have a friend who was used in a similar way and she found it helped LOADS to talk to a counselor about all this. In the meantime I'm glad your family is being so supportive.

I'm here for you if you need me- just PM me if you'd like to talk. 

MAJOR :hugs: hun.


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## Pink_Tinks

good on u for being so mature about the whole thing, id probably go beat him up and end up in prison lol. 

seriously tho, forget him, concentrate on keeping yourself well and happy for your baby. 
you'll be a great mum x


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## sleepinbeauty

i'm so glad you stood up to him!

Seriously though, I think you should press charges and have him put away. He's only going to continue doing this to other minor girls! (and let's face it, you have some pretty undeniable proof that he's slept with you.)

Of course it's your choice. Just remember that you don't owe him a damn thing and that this isn't your fault. *hugs*


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## EternalRose

:hugs:I definately think your doing the right thing to stay away from him but I do have a few questions. You said you started seeing him when you were just 15 and he told you he was 21? We now know that he was lying, and he is 24 but did you not see anything wrong with going out with someone that is 21? You were still underage then, and he was too old for you. Did your mum not see anything wrong with that age? Did she know that you were sleeping with someone who claimed to be 21, when you were only 15? Im not blaming you hun at all, I am just curious as to why this has all flared up because you have found out he is 3 years older than what he originally said as whichever way you look at it, the whole thing has been illegal.


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## Mummy2Asher

i think your doing the right thing and getting all rights of your daughter, i would no way allow my child to be near a man like that! i hope he agrees and you never have to see him again. xx


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## flutterbaby

EternalRose said:


> :hugs:I definately think your doing the right thing to stay away from him but I do have a few questions. You said you started seeing him when you were just 15 and he told you he was 21? We now know that he was lying, and he is 24 but did you not see anything wrong with going out with someone that is 21? You were still underage then, and he was too old for you. Did your mum not see anything wrong with that age? Did she know that you were sleeping with someone who claimed to be 21, when you were only 15? Im not blaming you hun at all, I am just curious as to why this has all flared up because you have found out he is 3 years older than what he originally said as whichever way you look at it, the whole thing has been illegal.

i couldn't of put it better myself it was wrong to start off with never mind the added age my mom would of kicked my f**king arse if i'd of strolled in with a 21 year old and would of had him done for rape there and then its not your fault but your mother is a part to blame the adults around you are supposed to protect you i do think your doing right now but should your mother not of pointed these things out sooner like age 16 is the legal age for a reason and satutory rape has a age for a reason:hugs:


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## sleepinbeauty

flutterbaby said:


> EternalRose said:
> 
> 
> :hugs:I definately think your doing the right thing to stay away from him but I do have a few questions. You said you started seeing him when you were just 15 and he told you he was 21? We now know that he was lying, and he is 24 but did you not see anything wrong with going out with someone that is 21? You were still underage then, and he was too old for you. Did your mum not see anything wrong with that age? Did she know that you were sleeping with someone who claimed to be 21, when you were only 15? Im not blaming you hun at all, I am just curious as to why this has all flared up because you have found out he is 3 years older than what he originally said as whichever way you look at it, the whole thing has been illegal.
> 
> i couldn't of put it better myself it was wrong to start off with never mind the added age my mom would of kicked my f**king arse if i'd of strolled in with a 21 year old and would of had him done for rape there and then its not your fault but your mother is a part to blame the adults around you are supposed to protect you i do think your doing right now but should your mother not of pointed these things out sooner like age 16 is the legal age for a reason and satutory rape has a age for a reason:hugs:Click to expand...

Over here it is 18 but we also have a "grey area" if the ages are close enough together. I'm not sure if that would qualify hough....still a bit of a gap there.

Don't feel guilty or anything, OP. What's done is done, no point in freaking out now. All you can do is move forward and kick his ass while you do.:hugs:


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## Croc-O-Dile

EternalRose said:


> :hugs:I definately think your doing the right thing to stay away from him but I do have a few questions. You said you started seeing him when you were just 15 and he told you he was 21? We now know that he was lying, and he is 24 but did you not see anything wrong with going out with someone that is 21? You were still underage then, and he was too old for you. Did your mum not see anything wrong with that age? Did she know that you were sleeping with someone who claimed to be 21, when you were only 15? Im not blaming you hun at all, I am just curious as to why this has all flared up because you have found out he is 3 years older than what he originally said as whichever way you look at it, the whole thing has been illegal.

While it would still be illegal if he was 21, it wouldn't be "new". I've always run with an older crowd and never been mentally interested in guys my age. I went through a lot of problems one year and moved out (at 14 :dohh:) and into my 20 year old boyfriend's house. In his defence, he _is_ actually slow. Sweetest guy you'll ever meet, but mentally he's not all there.
My poor mom, I really put her through hell, was literally out of options because I was too smart with loopholes that I never was actually breaking the law the whole time I was running about. (NJ is a messed up state) 
So when I came home with FOB she tried to stop me at first, but I kept talking to him anyway (Stupid, stupid, stupid :dohh:) She met him and was friendly with him, but she was never okay with me dating him. 
I feel terrible that I was so crazy before. And I feel even worse because my mom literally couldn't do anything about it. But that's the past is the past. (We did find out eventually that my medication was causing the craziness. I was actually having an allergic reaction to it the entire year I was on it.)


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## Lyrah

Oh hun that's awful! I'm so sorry! :(

You are doing the right thing though. You weren't to know hun, we all make mistakes and this one wasn't your fault in any way at all.

:hugs: Good on you for having such wonderful strength :)

xxxxxxxx


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## Croc-O-Dile

flutterbaby said:


> i couldn't of put it better myself it was wrong to start off with never mind the added age my mom would of kicked my f**king arse if i'd of strolled in with a 21 year old and would of had him done for rape there and then its not your fault *but your mother is a part to blame the adults around you are supposed to protect you* i do think your doing right now but should your mother not of pointed these things out sooner like age 16 is the legal age for a reason and satutory rape has a age for a reason:hugs:

If this was a normal case, I'd agree. But there was so much that happened prior to my meeting FOB that contributed to the way my mother reacted. 
In New Jersey a parent can not press stat. rape chargers on behalf of their child unless their child is deemed mentally disabled or if they are under the age of 16 and the parent has physical proof. (I.E pregnancy, sex tape, sex pictures, ect.) It's messed up, I know.
I've only been back home for 2 years, 2 years prior to that I was living in all different places. Sometimes with family, sometimes with friends, either way I was a messed up child. None of these were "parent approved" moves either (except with family) I ran away all the time. My mom and I fought like cats and dogs. Everything is 100% better now, as it was the medication I was on that made me act like that. (ironically I was on said medication to PREVENT acting like that) But even though things have been swell, my mother is quite traumatized from the whole thing. Like I've said, I feel horrible about the whole thing and think about it every day.
She literally tried everything, to the point where the local police knew her by name and were working WITH her to try and find some legal way to get me home and safe. But sadly New Jersey has such f*cked up laws that they couldn't.

She was walking on eggshells when I brought FOB home because she didn't want me to run off again. Not that I had in over a year, but if you went through the shit she went through with me, you'd understand the fear.


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## Mellie1988

Oh my god, glad you got away from him when you did, I would def be taking more action though...as others have said, he will be doing the same thing to people your age or even younger? I think its really sick, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night knowing he was still out their manipulating young *children* and potentially forcing them into things they don't want to do :( It actually makes me really sad/sick to think about it...


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## lui-moo

aww sweetie thats so horrible. My sister went through a similar thing.. makes me feel sick to know theres people out there like that, get on you for standing up to him. Your so right to get parental rights and looks like you have great support from your mum. your going to have a gawjus little girl soon :) xx


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## Windmills

Croc-O-Dile said:


> EternalRose said:
> 
> 
> :hugs:I definately think your doing the right thing to stay away from him but I do have a few questions. You said you started seeing him when you were just 15 and he told you he was 21? We now know that he was lying, and he is 24 but did you not see anything wrong with going out with someone that is 21? You were still underage then, and he was too old for you. Did your mum not see anything wrong with that age? Did she know that you were sleeping with someone who claimed to be 21, when you were only 15? Im not blaming you hun at all, I am just curious as to why this has all flared up because you have found out he is 3 years older than what he originally said as whichever way you look at it, the whole thing has been illegal.
> 
> While it would still be illegal if he was 21, it wouldn't be "new". I've always run with an older crowd and never been mentally interested in guys my age. I went through a lot of problems one year and *moved out (at 14 ) and into my 20 year old boyfriend's house*. In his defence, he _is_ actually slow. Sweetest guy you'll ever meet, but mentally he's not all there.
> My poor mom, I really put her through hell, was literally out of options because I was too smart with loopholes that I never was actually breaking the law the whole time I was running about. (NJ is a messed up state)
> So when I came home with FOB she tried to stop me at first, but I kept talking to him anyway (Stupid, stupid, stupid :dohh:) She met him and was friendly with him, but she was never okay with me dating him.
> I feel terrible that I was so crazy before. And I feel even worse because my mom literally couldn't do anything about it. But that's the past is the past. (We did find out eventually that my medication was causing the craziness. I was actually having an allergic reaction to it the entire year I was on it.)Click to expand...

I completely agree with EternalRose.. also, I don't feel it's fair to call him a paedophile. Especially as, IMO at least, the difference between 21 and 24 isn't very big at all. 
Also, the part I've bolded- why would you call FOB a paedophile but not this guy?


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## aob1013

Get his parental rights signed over asap x


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## Midnight_Fairy

I am sorry to hear this x


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## xMissxZoiex

Glad you got out of that one! Get all his rights signed over to you as soon as baby is born!

Good luck with everything.
xxx


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## amandad192

He wouldn't even have any rights if his name isn't on the birth certificate, right?

In my opinion, he's not a pedophile. I think you might just be VERY irritate by the fact that he lied to you, which I can completely understand.
I don't think age is very relevant when it comes to relationships, unless the age is too huge, like an 11 year old and a 25 year old..that would be too much. I think you are very mature, and he sounds rather immature, which brings the mental age gap much closer together (In fact I'd say mentally your older than him, making you the pedophile-Lol :) ) - I don't mean that offensively obviously.
I do however think the way he manipulates young vulnerable girls into relationships or into bed is WRONG! When it comes to pressing charges, I would say it's completely your choice. He never raped you physically, although he think he has done mentally IYKWIM.

When it comes to keeping him away from your Daughter, I have a mixed opinion. I don't think any child should be denied the right to know the father, However I don't think he really deserves to see his Daughter. 
Single mum can bring up their kids completely alone, however this may cause a lot of hurt for the child. I was mentally damaged by my Dad walking out/being forced out of my life. However he was there for the first 8/9 years and I was always a Daddy's girl, so I suppose it may be different if a child has never had a relationship with their Dad, because they don't feel a loss, or feel let down etc.
Like I said to Ellie, just be prepared for a game of 21 questions when your child is older, learns that all people have Dad's and wants to know why she doesn't have one.


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## sleepinbeauty

Croc-O-Dile said:


> (NJ is a messed up state)

Amen to that! :haha: I grew up in Rockland County, NY (which is right on the state border) and other than the cheap gas and that my grandma lives there I can't stand it! I lived in Fair Lawn, NJ (Bergen County) with OH and his family for a little bit and I nearly blew my brains out. What is it with you guys and not turning left anyway?!?! :rofl: I'm just picking on you. :flower:


I'm sorry but if this 24 year old is trying to get with 15-16 year olds, he is a pedophile. I'm with the LAW on this one. OP's daughter deserves a dad, sure. But does she deserve to be around someone who clearly doesn't have the sense to know that children are not for sex? I don't think so. I think I'd rather any kid to be without a dad than to place them with a predator, you know?


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## alysedelovely

hey girl.
I'm not sure if this law applies in NJ, but in GA when a man signs over his rights, he still gets visitation (in the presence of a social worker) and is forced to pay child support as well. I know it sounds weird, but the only way here that they will let you do it completely like no visitation is if you have probable cause that something is mentally unstable with him.. which is good news for you because they will do a psychiatric evaluation on him and everything if you go to court. 

you might want to ask a lawyer what is the best way to approach this. i dont know NJ law, so maybe that doesn't apply, but here in GA they can sign over all rights but only the judge can revoke their visitation and the majority of the time it is revoked due to bad parental influences (i.e. drugs, pedophilia, alcoholism).

also, I know I already commented on this earlier in the post, but I was up thinking about this last night- just worried for you and other girls.. like he's 25, but dates 15 year olds? that to me means that he obviously has the maturity level of a 15 year old and he likes how vulnerable and trusting we all are at that age. maybe you should press charges? I mean could you press charges? Or could you help other girls not trust him and get sucked into it? I don't know.


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## alysedelovely

hey girl.
I'm not sure if this law applies in NJ, but in GA when a man signs over his rights, he still gets visitation (in the presence of a social worker) and is forced to pay child support as well. I know it sounds weird, but the only way here that they will let you do it completely like no visitation is if you have probable cause that something is mentally unstable with him.. which is good news for you because they will do a psychiatric evaluation on him and everything if you go to court. 

you might want to ask a lawyer what is the best way to approach this. i dont know NJ law, so maybe that doesn't apply, but here in GA they can sign over all rights but only the judge can revoke their visitation and the majority of the time it is revoked due to bad parental influences (i.e. drugs, pedophilia, alcoholism).

also, I know I already commented on this earlier in the post, but I was up thinking about this last night- just worried for you and other girls.. like he's 25, but dates 15 year olds? that to me means that he obviously has the maturity level of a 15 year old and he likes how vulnerable and trusting we all are at that age. maybe you should press charges? I mean could you press charges? Or could you help other girls not trust him and get sucked into it? I don't know.


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## sleepinbeauty

I really hope OP presses charges. Its not her job to babysit him and keep him away from others, ykwim? He needs some serious help. It's sickening.


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## Love Bunny

I just want to say, be careful what you write as there are people who are duty bound to report this kind of thing :hugs: to you though I hate being lied to x


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## amygwen

I'm sorry that you went through this. I can understand why you would be frustrated. I went through a similar thing when I was 16, I dated a 24 year old. And, I never once considered him a pedophile and if anyone would say that about him I would be like "Age is just a number!" I never had a baby by him though so I can't relate to your entire situation. But I would hope if I did have a baby by him I would allow him to be around his child, who knows though!

Personally, imo though I don't think it's fair that he won't ever get to be around his daughter and neither will his family. :/ Even though he's not all 'mentally there' and he seems to hit on really young girls, he obviously has issues. But I'm sure he'll want something to do with his daughter even if it's only seeing her on a weekly or monthly basis. I would never want to deprive my child of having both sets of grandparents. But, I'm not in your position so I wouldn't know the feelings you're feeling, so who knows! His family could be psycho too. :|

Good luck w/ everything :hugs:


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## whiteprincess

I'm so sorry you've had to go through that :( I can't even imagine. If my OH even fibs about the littlest thing (I didn't spill that soda...) I get so upset haha, I can't even imagine how you feel. Just keep doing the right thing for you & baby girl, and give your Mama a big hug :)


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## Panda_Ally

:hugs: what a horrible situation hun!! 

Personally i would report him as he will only get older (obvioiusly) but his victims will stay around 15 years old, whats he gunna do keep saying hes 21 forever?? i think i owe it to yourself and the many other girls in the same situation. 

When i was younger i was in an abusive relationship with a much older guy, only when i got out and looked back do i realise how bad and messed up it was. 

huge cuddles. xxx


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## Chikadee77

Hi there, I don't usually post that often or in this section at all but had to reply here!

Technically speaking he is not a pedophile as that term refers to an adult having inappropriate relations with a PRE-pubescent child. However it is still a crime and there is a special term for an adult who preys on girls your age (can't remember the name of it right now!) In the 14 to 19 age range. (Can you tell I'm married to a cop? Lol) 

I'm glad you're making him sign over his rights, your daughter doesn't need someome like that in her life. However I do urge you to report him as who knows how many girls he's REALLY done this to or how many he may in the future. From what you're saying he's a sex offender and other parents need to be aware of that. Good luck hun! I wish you and your daughter the best!


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## jen1604

Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!

Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and *definitely* doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.

Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.


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## Chikadee77

Ephebophillia is the term I was looking for.


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## rainbows_x

jen1604 said:


> Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!
> 
> Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and *definitely* doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.
> 
> Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.

I can see your point, I'm 19 & my OH/FOB is 27... I met him when I was 18.
I definatley wouldn't consider my OH as a peadophile, even if he had previous gf's the same age as me. And I wouldn't consider the OP's as one either. Obviously I don't know the full story but from what I can see he isn't a peadopihle?


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## AP

Its a complicated situation, but over here my little cousin got pregnant to a guy who was 24-they got together when she was 15. What kind of 24yr old man goes out with a 15 year old? :shock: Theres a great difference at that age, as you get older the age differences matter much less imo.


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## amandad192

rainbows_x said:


> jen1604 said:
> 
> 
> Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!
> 
> Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and *definitely* doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.
> 
> Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.
> 
> I can see your point, I'm 19 & my OH/FOB is 27... I met him when I was 18.
> I definatley wouldn't consider my OH as a peadophile, even if he had previous gf's the same age as me. And I wouldn't consider the OP's as one either. Obviously I don't know the full story but from what I can see he isn't a peadopihle?Click to expand...

I'm 18 was 16 when I met my OH, he's 25, was 24 when we met. He's dated a few girls around my age. I'm the largest age gap he's had..and he wasn't too sure about things when we got together because the age gap. I can tell you he's defo not a pedophile. Like I said before, I think OP is just angry that she's been lied to, which she has every right to be.

And I agree think very careful before you deprive your little girl of her daddy. No one can make you let him see her (other than courts) so it is your choice, I hope you make the right one for your daughter.


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## rubixcyoob.

I don't really see the FOB as being a peadophile if I'm being honest.
Sure a 15/16 - 24 age gap is a big difference but as girls on here have pointed out, they have had bigger ones at that age and their OHs are peadophiles.

He shouldn't have lied about his age, thats for certain, but then the OP should have had the sense to end it when she found out if she thought that was peadophillc behaviour.

The definition of a peadophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to young children. 15/16 is not a young child. Its teenagers who are old enough to know better.
You should consider carefully before pressing any charges against him because I doubt your child would want her daddy branded as a peadohpile for the rest of his life when he really isn't.


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## emilyjean

I think that there is a cultural difference between the UK and America when it comes to dating older men. It seems much more prominent and accepted in the UK, where in the US it really isn't tolerated much at all. 

When you're 18, you can start dating any age you want. It's legal. People still might think it's weird if you start dating a guy that's 10 years older than you, but there's nothing to be worried about. If my 16 year old sister ever came home with a guy over 18, me, my husband, my brother, and my parents would have PLENTY to say to that guy, and she wouldn't be allowed to see him anymore. Guys that prey on teenage girls KNOW how vulnerable they are. They do it because it's easier for them, they've had years more experience at manipulating and can usually do it well. 

I agree with Croc-o-dile, I wouldn't allow this man anywhere near my child.


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## PleaseBaby

I think theres a big difference between a 24 year old who falls for a 15/16 year old unintentionally and one that habitually prays on them. Croc-o-dile's fob has repeatedly gone for girls in this age range and with the same vulnerable characeristics, in my opinion that is something to be worried about, he might not be a risk to his own daughter but when shes a teenager her friends may be targetted.


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## sleepinbeauty

PleaseBaby said:


> I think theres a big difference between a 24 year old who falls for a 15/16 year old unintentionally and one that habitually prays on them. Croc-o-dile's fob has repeatedly gone for girls in this age range and with the same vulnerable characeristics, in my opinion that is something to be worried about, he might not be a risk to his own daughter but when shes a teenager her friends may be targetted.

My thoughts exactly.

This isn't about what he should be labeled as. This is about him engaging in (or attempting to engage in) sexual activities with minors. It's ILLEGAL.


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## lottie7

At 18 you are legally old enough and mature enough to make your own mind up. However at 24 he should have known better to NOT get involved with a 15 year old, it is wrong, very wrong. If he really cared he would have done the decent thing and waited until you were a little older. I think you are being very brave and I do hope you have a good relationship with your Mum. 

xx


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## rubixcyoob.

I'm not saying what the OPs boyfriend done was weird for a person his age, but branding someone a peadophile when they aren't is a serious accusation.
He committed statutory rape, not an act of a peadophilic nature.

If she is going to press charges she could be careful because having a case saying he is a peadophile could have a different result than one of staturoy rape.


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## amygwen

lottie7 said:


> At 18 you are legally old enough and mature enough to make your own mind up. However at 24 he should have known better to NOT get involved with a 15 year old, it is wrong, very wrong. If he really cared he would have done the decent thing and waited until you were a little older. I think you are being very brave and I do hope you have a good relationship with your Mum.
> 
> xx

As "wrong" as it may be to you, do you believe that because of this that his child should never know who he is or never meet be able to meet him until she's old enough to make that decision for herself?

I personally believe it was a bad decision on both of their parts, because even after he told her she still decided to have something to do with him. Just because he's the adult in the relationship doesn't mean he's the only one to blame. And, really no one is to blame because there's going to be a child brought into this world that will obviously be cared for. It's just sad in my opinion because she will never know her father or her fraternal grandparents/family and the family is the last people to blame - they didn't do anything wrong. 

:/


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## MUMMYBEAR6

IMHO i think theres a few people missing a point here croc-o-dile pointed out in her 1st post HE USES VARIOUS NAMES & hes lureing other girls her age when they met to flirt with him on facebook now if that isnt peadophile behaviour then F**k me what is?


your a very strong person for doing what your doing just now hun & for opening up to us on here & to whom are total strangers to u

Good luck xx


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## nicholatmn

If you don't feel safe with him because of it being textbook actions, why not monitor him whenever he's with your daughter?
I don't think he *shouldn't* be around her just because of him lying and such. But if he does have that problem, he shouldn't be left with her.


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## nicholatmn

If you don't feel safe with him because of it being textbook actions, why not monitor him whenever he's with your daughter?
I don't think he *shouldn't* be around her just because of him lying and such. But if he does have that problem, he shouldn't be left with her.


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## trashit

Aw sugar, i feel so sorry for you :hugs: It's not your fault, you musn't ever blame yourself, you were played by a very manipulative and cunning man.

I had same issue when i was in school, i was 14, the guy was 18 (ok so not 20s but still too old for a 14 year old girl) And he did all the same things, getting me to trust him before we slept together, and saying i couldnt tell anyone we were together etc. He slept with me (lost my virginity to him :dohh:) and then left. It happens to alot of people sugar and it doesn't mean you are weak, or disgusting, or anything like that. He's just a *******. 

I hope you can move forward with life and remember, you got the most beautiful thing out of it. :hugs: xx


----------



## amygwen

MUMMYBEAR6 said:


> IMHO i think theres a few people missing a point here croc-o-dile pointed out in her 1st post HE USES VARIOUS NAMES & hes lureing other girls her age when they met to flirt with him on facebook now if that isnt peadophile behaviour then F**k me what is?
> 
> 
> your a very strong person for doing what your doing just now hun & for opening up to us on here & to whom are total strangers to u
> 
> Good luck xx

No one's missing the point here. And no one's sitting here saying that there's nothing wrong with this guy. What we are saying though is that it's not fair that just because he's the way he is that he should be deprived of any rights to have anything to do with his child. I don't care if my FOB has the IQ of a 12 year old or if they're severely mentally ********. If I had sex with him and had a child by him I would put my feelings aside and do what's best for my child, even if it made me unhappy - even if it means just having supervised visits. 

I think she's just as strong of a person as you do btw, I just would handle things differently.


----------



## trashit

Well technically isn't anyone over the age of 16 who sleeps with someone under the age of 16 breaking the law? :shrug: I may be wrong but that's what i always thought;
Either way i think what he has done is wrong. I was 16 and FOB was 28, but we both lied about our ages at first and fell in love, then by the time we came clean it didnt even matter to either of us cos we were too far in love, and then Jude happened anyway. But i wouldn't class him as a pedophile because A) I was over the consent age and B) he was none the wiser that i was under 18. Also i was resonsible enough to know what i was doing. I'm not saying 14 year olds aren't, because most of them nowadays are but they are also easily influenced and naive, easy for predators. I think considering he is always aiming for underage girls, and the way he has gone about getting them, i would personally class him as having a pedophile nature. Maybe i'm wrong but its the way it seems to me.


----------



## emilyjean

amygwen said:


> No one's missing the point here. And no one's sitting here saying that there's nothing wrong with this guy. What we are saying though is that it's not fair that just because he's the way he is that he should be deprived of any rights to have anything to do with his child. I don't care if my FOB has the IQ of a 12 year old or if they're severely mentally ********. *If I had sex with him and had a child by him I would put my feelings aside and do what's best for my child, even if it made me unhappy* - even if it means just having supervised visits.
> 
> I think she's just as strong of a person as you do btw, I just would handle things differently.

She is doing what she feels is best for *her* child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls. 

How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia. 

Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for *her* baby.


----------



## AnnabelsMummy

trashit said:


> Well technically isn't anyone over the age of 16 who sleeps with someone under the age of 16 breaking the law? :shrug: I may be wrong but that's what i always thought;
> Either way i think what he has done is wrong. I was 16 and FOB was 28, but we both lied about our ages at first and fell in love, then by the time we came clean it didnt even matter to either of us cos we were too far in love, and then Jude happened anyway. But i wouldn't class him as a pedophile because A) I was over the consent age and B) he was none the wiser that i was under 18. Also i was resonsible enough to know what i was doing. I'm not saying 14 year olds aren't, because most of them nowadays are but they are also easily influenced and naive, easy for predators. I think considering he is always aiming for underage girls, and the way he has gone about getting them, i would personally class him as having a pedophile nature. Maybe i'm wrong but its the way it seems to me.


You're right, in England - it is classed as rape if the man KNOWS that you're under 16.. (which in this case he quite clearly did). So he'd have to proove that you lied about your age? (or if you were in a relationship - they'd say you weren't able to make your own decisions and that they obviously must have known). 
i would also class him as peadophile behaviour - by the sounds of it he groomed you "nobody needs to know" and things like that, he lied to you about his age, he goes by various names, and makes a habbit of this, and goes for trouble girls, i dunno but it seems like he's picking vulnerable girls, as they need someone to love him, and he manipulates this.. 
if you'd have lied to him in the first place and told him you were over the age of concent, then it doesn't count, because as far as he would be concerned he wouldn't know any better (i don't think you need to ask for ID to sleep with someone). 
as for your little girlie, you're her mummy and you know what's best for her, i'd hate for you to make the wrong decision - lots of fathers don't have rights over there children but are still able to see them - if he really had to see her you could get the american equivalent of Social services to supervise the visits.. which means that he would be watched at all times. 
i hope your okay!! x


----------



## princess_vix

I'm 17 nearly 18 and OH is nearly 29,we fell in love unintetionally..shit happens in my eyes..and all his previous girlfriends were all his age or older.

Age means nothing to me,we've been together 4 years in April,have a child ect ect.
and trust me we've been through the shit and back because he WAS NOT a peodaphile but actually commited a crime by having sex with a minor(under 16),but we've been through hell and back with NSPCC,police,social services and i will say now that he has BEEN CLEARED!!!!!!! and is NOT a peodaphile or a risk or threat to teenage girls.

So all i'm saying is be carefull because you don't really know wether he is or not!


----------



## lesleyann

i would report him who's to say in 15 years time he wont still be doing that? he will be in his 30's by then... and his Daughter would be 14/15 by then and tbh if her FOB is 24 and wanting 14/15 years old i would not want my daughter around him at 14/15 IDK... So yes i would ban him from see'ing her and make him sign over his rights.

The fact he lies to be younger and uses different names and im sure i read most of his gf's have been around her age its not that it just happened and fell in love his looking for these younger girls.

Ok he may not be a "pedophile" but he is a predator praying on young girls to get his rocks off.


----------



## amygwen

emilyjean said:


> amygwen said:
> 
> 
> No one's missing the point here. And no one's sitting here saying that there's nothing wrong with this guy. What we are saying though is that it's not fair that just because he's the way he is that he should be deprived of any rights to have anything to do with his child. I don't care if my FOB has the IQ of a 12 year old or if they're severely mentally ********. *If I had sex with him and had a child by him I would put my feelings aside and do what's best for my child, even if it made me unhappy* - even if it means just having supervised visits.
> 
> I think she's just as strong of a person as you do btw, I just would handle things differently.
> 
> She is doing what she feels is best for *her* child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls.
> 
> How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia.
> 
> Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for *her* baby.Click to expand...

Exactly. Each to their own. Each woman knows what's right for *her* baby and no matter what's said on this thread she will stick with the decision that she's made because she knows it's the best one for her. If he is a predator then her not turning him in is the wrong thing to do. 

I know here in the US for his parental rights to be completely cut off, he has to agree with the fact that he wants nothing to do with his daughter and if he does this then so be it - he obviously doesn't care enough to try and fight for his rights and maybe he's not worth having that title. I just wonder if he does want something to do with it or not.


----------



## nicholatmn

trashit said:


> Well technically isn't anyone over the age of 16 who sleeps with someone under the age of 16 breaking the law? :shrug: I may be wrong but that's what i always thought;
> Either way i think what he has done is wrong. I was 16 and FOB was 28, but we both lied about our ages at first and fell in love, then by the time we came clean it didnt even matter to either of us cos we were too far in love, and then Jude happened anyway. But i wouldn't class him as a pedophile because A) I was over the consent age and B) he was none the wiser that i was under 18. Also i was resonsible enough to know what i was doing. I'm not saying 14 year olds aren't, because most of them nowadays are but they are also easily influenced and naive, easy for predators. I think considering he is always aiming for underage girls, and the way he has gone about getting them, i would personally class him as having a pedophile nature. Maybe i'm wrong but its the way it seems to me.

Here in the US, if you're 18 or over, you cannot do anything sexual with anyone younger than 18. It's really strict where I live. This guy turned 18 and his girlfriend was 17 (turned 18 in a month) and they had sex on his birthday. Her Dad told on him and he went to jail.


----------



## trashit

Well i think; 
A man who chooses underage vulnerable girls to clearly abuse (he hasn't unintentionally fallen for a million underage girls, come on) is a predator. But maybe i'm wrong. That's just how i see it. If he wasn't he'd choose girls closer to his own age. Ok so i appreciate at times people fall for people alot older/younger (i did it myself with FOB!) But not in every relationship! And plus he wouldn't even let her class it as a relationship, i'm surprised he didnt say "make sure you dont tell mummy and daddy else ill hurt them"


----------



## AnnabelsMummy

trashit said:


> Well i think;
> A man who chooses underage vulnerable girls to clearly abuse (he hasn't unintentionally fallen for a million underage girls, come on) is a predator. But maybe i'm wrong. That's just how i see it. If he wasn't he'd choose girls closer to his own age. Ok so i appreciate at times people fall for people alot older/younger (i did it myself with FOB!) But not in every relationship! And plus he wouldn't even let her class it as a relationship, i'm surprised he didnt say "make sure you dont tell mummy and daddy else ill hurt them"

i agree with that..!!


----------



## Maybe75

Firstly - this guy isn't a paedophile. Sorry. He sounds like a bit of a w**ker, but i don't think you can compare him with someone who has sex with children. With regards to cutting him off from your child - it scares me how easily some women will do this. Just imagine for a moment - someone saying you can never see your child again. Imagine what that would do to you? 

Also on a practical note i would say - you said you stayed inside the 'messed up' laws of your state. I have no idea what these laws are, but if you did, surely this won't help you take his parental rights away from him? And it would mean you can't report him either, surely?


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

Windmills said:


> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> EternalRose said:
> 
> 
> :hugs:I definately think your doing the right thing to stay away from him but I do have a few questions. You said you started seeing him when you were just 15 and he told you he was 21? We now know that he was lying, and he is 24 but did you not see anything wrong with going out with someone that is 21? You were still underage then, and he was too old for you. Did your mum not see anything wrong with that age? Did she know that you were sleeping with someone who claimed to be 21, when you were only 15? Im not blaming you hun at all, I am just curious as to why this has all flared up because you have found out he is 3 years older than what he originally said as whichever way you look at it, the whole thing has been illegal.
> 
> While it would still be illegal if he was 21, it wouldn't be "new". I've always run with an older crowd and never been mentally interested in guys my age. I went through a lot of problems one year and *moved out (at 14 ) and into my 20 year old boyfriend's house*. In his defence, he _is_ actually slow. *Sweetest guy you'll ever meet, but mentally he's not all there.*
> My poor mom, I really put her through hell, was literally out of options because I was too smart with loopholes that I never was actually breaking the law the whole time I was running about. (NJ is a messed up state)
> So when I came home with FOB she tried to stop me at first, but I kept talking to him anyway (Stupid, stupid, stupid :dohh:) She met him and was friendly with him, but she was never okay with me dating him.
> I feel terrible that I was so crazy before. And I feel even worse because my mom literally couldn't do anything about it. But that's the past is the past. (We did find out eventually that my medication was causing the craziness. I was actually having an allergic reaction to it the entire year I was on it.)Click to expand...
> 
> I completely agree with EternalRose.. also, I don't feel it's fair to call him a paedophile. Especially as, IMO at least, the difference between 21 and 24 isn't very big at all.
> Also, the part I've bolded- why would you call FOB a paedophile but not this guy?Click to expand...

Reason being that the previous guy actually is mentally slow. He actually doesn't know any better. He's been in therapy for a while now because he had some really bad things happen to him as a child which stinted his mental development. Also his intentions were not to seek out a child, or to gain any pleasure from them. He just honestly sees _himself_ as a child. Get what I'm saying?
And it is perfectly okay for me to call FOB a pedophile because he DOES hunt down young girls for pleasure. He DOES manipulate "troubled teens" into trusting him and eventually having sex with him. 
And there is a huge difference between a normal 21 year old mentality and a normal 24 year old mentality. Keyword: Normal.


----------



## jamielou

I'm sorry you've had to go through this and I do agree, 21 or 24 it's still pretty grim to be chasing 15/16 year old girls. I'm nearly 23 myself and sorry, when i even talk to like my 16 year old brother I know i am conversing with someone who is a lot younger than me, maybe not lots in years, but mentally. There's a huge difference completely and he was very wrong to do that! Big hug to you hun.


----------



## trashit

I don't think the age matters, if he was 20 or 25 or even 35, the fact is he preys on young girls who feel they need someone to love, he makes them trust him, and then uses them for sex.


----------



## lily123

Ally i'm very sorry that you're having to deal with all this :hugs:

To be honest i'd be doing exactly what you are doing regarding parental rights, it might not be everyones choice, but if it's the right choice for YOU then take no nonsense hunni! Though if i were you i'd maybe look at pressing charges, i don't know what the laws are in the US but over here this would be seen as statuary rape because you were a minor.

Good luck hun keep us updated :) x x x x x


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

Maybe75 said:


> Firstly - this guy isn't a paedophile. Sorry. He sounds like a bit of a w**ker, but i don't think you can compare him with someone who has sex with children. With regards to cutting him off from your child - it scares me how easily some women will do this. Just imagine for a moment - someone saying you can never see your child again. Imagine what that would do to you?
> 
> Also on a practical note i would say - you said you stayed inside the 'messed up' laws of your state. I have no idea what these laws are, but if you did, surely this won't help you take his parental rights away from him? And it would mean you can't report him either, surely?

Here's one for you: Just imagine for a moment- Picking your 14 year old daughter up from her FATHER'S house and having her confess to you that he was having SEX with her or her friends. That's what I'm looking at.

*If this was a one time deal, I would not think of him as a sex offender. But seeing as this is not a one time deal and he has done this to other girls, he is, by law, a sex offender.*

And as far as staying inside the law, that was pertaining to the year that I was running away and such, not this case.

I grew up without my biological father around. I see him once a year maybe, and talk to him a few times a year. But my step-dad has been my father since I was 3. Sure I went through a "why did daddy leave?" phase, but I know now, after learning the whole story of my parents divorce, that my mom did what was right, because my bio-dad had made some pretty f*ed up threats.


----------



## trashit

Just have to say to Ally and Linzi, you're both completely correct :thumbup: 
As i have told people a million times, blood does not make a father, a father is so much more than the sperm that made that child. And considering he has acted in the way he has acted, i think you are MORE than right to keep him away. If Livi wants to see her dad when shes older then let her have that choice, i'm sure she'll decide for herself that she doesn't want him in her life when she sees what he's like. I'm doing the same for Jude, he has that choice when he grows up but until then he's my baby and i'll care for him. :hugs: You're a strong girl x


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

lily123 said:


> Ally i'm very sorry that you're having to deal with all this :hugs:
> 
> To be honest i'd be doing exactly what you are doing regarding parental rights, it might not be everyones choice, but if it's the right choice for YOU then take no nonsense hunni! *Though if i were you i'd maybe look at pressing charges, i don't know what the laws are in the US but over here this would be seen as statuary rape because you were a minor.*
> 
> Good luck hun keep us updated :) x x x x x

I've been thinking about it. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place though. As much as he disgusts me, and as much as I don't want him near my daughter, I don't want her to grow up asking why daddy's in jail. iykwim?

I am asking that he be required to do therapy in order to have visitation. Which in NJ won't be hard to get approved. If they can get out of one more court case they will. 

Maybe you girls that are saying he isn't a pedophile are right, maybe is just severely mentally ill. Either way he needs help.


----------



## Linzi

Im sorry if its already been asked hun but why aren't you going to the police? x

*edit* sorry posted at the same time lol

is it not the same explaining why he's in jail or why you took parental rights away??

Im not saying you're doing the wrong thing at all, I think you're doing the right thing, I would just worry for other young women who would come in to contact with him


----------



## lily123

Croc-O-Dile said:


> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> Ally i'm very sorry that you're having to deal with all this :hugs:
> 
> To be honest i'd be doing exactly what you are doing regarding parental rights, it might not be everyones choice, but if it's the right choice for YOU then take no nonsense hunni! *Though if i were you i'd maybe look at pressing charges, i don't know what the laws are in the US but over here this would be seen as statuary rape because you were a minor.*
> 
> Good luck hun keep us updated :) x x x x x
> 
> I've been thinking about it. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place though. As much as he disgusts me, and as much as I don't want him near my daughter, I don't want her to grow up asking why daddy's in jail. iykwim?
> 
> I am asking that he be required to do therapy in order to have visitation. Which in NJ won't be hard to get approved. If they can get out of one more court case they will.
> 
> Maybe you girls that are saying he isn't a pedophile are right, maybe is just severely mentally ill. Either way he needs help.Click to expand...

Ohh i definitely know what you mean hun :( and the therapy thing sounds very fair and very good :thumbup: at the end of the day, if you don't trust him (and he's given you every reason not to) then how on this earth are you gonna trust him with the most precious thing, your daughter. :hugs: your dealing so well hun - i'd have no idea what i'd do if i was in this situation :( it's a good job you have a supportive Mom and family :D xxxxxx


----------



## MyFirstNoodle

I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?

I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!

As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!! 

Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc. 

Anyway take care x


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

Linzi said:


> Im sorry if its already been asked hun but why aren't you going to the police? x
> 
> *edit* sorry posted at the same time lol
> 
> is it not the same explaining why he's in jail or why you took parental rights away??
> 
> Im not saying you're doing the wrong thing at all, I think you're doing the right thing, I would just worry for other young women who would come in to contact with him

Not really, because in NJ a lot of men avoid paying child support that way. They still see their children, but they don't have to pay for them. 

I am worried about the other girls that he'll come in contact with, and I've thought a lot about pressing stat. rape chargers. But if I do, it won't be until after Livi's born because I already am bordering high blood pressure and a court battle on top of it would send me over the edge. 

Then at the same time, I'm thinking what if he just is mentally ill? What if he needs psychiatric help as opposed to legal help? :shrug:
I would hate to send him to jail and then find out he's actually got some mental disorder and that's why he is the way he is. You know?


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

MyFirstNoodle said:


> I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?
> 
> I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!
> 
> As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!!
> 
> Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc.
> 
> Anyway take care x

The legal age here is 18, so the 17 year olds are still illegal.

He put me through hell about keeping Olivia in the first place, so he's already proven he doesn't care about seeing her. He cares about having control over ther situation.

*I am in no way saying that any of your OH's, Ex's, Brothers, or Sisters are pedophiles or sex offenders in their with someone younger. Nor do I think that about them. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.*


----------



## AnnabelsMummy

ally.. why don't you try speaking to someone maybe confidentially yourself.. 
it might help clear things up for you and livi a bit.. cause it must be quite hard for you :( 

to be honest i think no matter how anyone put it YOU WERE UNDER AGE - HE KNEW YOU WAS UNDER AGE - and he STILL CHOSE to sleep with you.. that is actually classed as statuary rape in the UK.. it doesn't matter whether the other girls he slept with were18 or 19 or even 25, YOU were only 15.. and he obviously makes a habbit of it.. 
alot of the girls who have older OH's, i'm not saying that it's the case for their OH's, i'm just saying that - that's how the law counts it, (and for a reason) plus their OH's might not make a habbit of it..
plus other people haven't seemed to have read the post properly - HE USES DIFFERENT NAMES, and there's a few things which are NOT normal...
i dunno whether he is mentally unstable or what, but either way, you have a right to know and TRUST the people looking after your daughter - i'd be worried too!


----------



## MyFirstNoodle

Croc-O-Dile said:


> MyFirstNoodle said:
> 
> 
> I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?
> 
> I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!
> 
> As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!!
> 
> Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc.
> 
> Anyway take care x
> 
> The legal age here is 18, so the 17 year olds are still illegal.
> 
> He put me through hell about keeping Olivia in the first place, so he's already proven he doesn't care about seeing her. He cares about having control over ther situation.
> 
> *I am in no way saying that any of your OH's, Ex's, Brothers, or Sisters are pedophiles or sex offenders in their with someone younger. Nor do I think that about them. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.*Click to expand...

Ok....:wacko: didn't say you did! IMO I dont think he is a nonce probably because I see it too often round here! 

You do what you feel is right....I was just telling you how my OH struggles not seeing his daughter AND he never wanted her in the beginning! 

Just hope you do the right thing.


----------



## trashit

Ok so there's 25 year olds that live near you that have every girlfriend underage?


----------



## MyFirstNoodle

trashit said:


> Ok so there's 25 year olds that live near you that have every girlfriend underage?

I'm sorry are you talking to me?


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

MyFirstNoodle said:


> Croc-O-Dile said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> MyFirstNoodle said:
> 
> 
> I'm with a few others such as Jen and that. I don't think FOB is a nonce...YES he shouldnt of slept with you under the age of 16....but the other girls that are 17 and above are legal...right?
> 
> I don't know what its like where your from but I'm originally from London and I know ALOT of girls 14/15/16 that go out with blokes 18/19/20 alot of girls in high school use to go out with older blokes, it was cool and the norm IYKWIM?! and I personally when I was 15 went out with someone that was 25 but I would never call him a nonce, I was just about to turn 16 and I agreed to have sex with him!
> 
> As for people saying you can bring your child up as a single mum, yes you can and Im pretty sure you would do a great job but I do think children need their dads. I know it affected me not having my dad around....BIG TIME!!
> 
> Good luck with whatever you decide but I do think you need to think carefully about not allowing FOB to see his child....my OH isn't aloud to see his daughter because the MOB is a twat and it affects him REALLY badly...he crys etc.
> 
> Anyway take care x
> 
> The legal age here is 18, so the 17 year olds are still illegal.
> 
> He put me through hell about keeping Olivia in the first place, so he's already proven he doesn't care about seeing her. He cares about having control over ther situation.
> 
> *I am in no way saying that any of your OH's, Ex's, Brothers, or Sisters are pedophiles or sex offenders in their with someone younger. Nor do I think that about them. Everybody is different, and every situation is different.*Click to expand...
> 
> Ok....:wacko: didn't say you did! IMO I dont think he is a nonce probably because I see it too often round here!
> 
> You do what you feel is right....I was just telling you how my OH struggles not seeing his daughter AND he never wanted her in the beginning!
> 
> Just hope you do the right thing.Click to expand...

No, no, no, I wasn't trying to say that you did. :dohh: I was just making that a point because a lot of ladies have been saying how their OH or FOB is older than them but they aren't a sex offender. I was just making it clear that I didn't think they were, nor was I trying to imply that they were. I think it just got a bit heated for a moment and came out wrong.


----------



## amandad192

emilyjean said:


> She is doing what she feels is best for *her* child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls.
> 
> How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia.
> 
> Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for *her* baby.


It is not her child, it is *THEIR* child. It takes two to tango. It is *NEVER* okay to stop either parent from seeing their baby unless they are seriously at risk, in which case SS would be involved.

Has any one considered that maybe he has very low self esteem and he thinks the only way he can get anything is to take whatever he can get, maybe he'd be shagging granny's instead if all the young ones turned him away.

I don't think he alone can be blamed for sleeping with underage girls if they have all consented. Even if they all believed him to be 21 and called Bob Fred or Frank, they CONSENTED to him sticking his dipper in them, so should take some responsibility also.
As the Law is in the UK, you must be 16 to consent to sexual intercourse, Male or Female. There are many reasons for this which I won't go into detail of. During my citizenship GCSE I had to write an essay on this so I could go on forever. To be honest I don't think there should be an "age of consent." 
It makes it more difficult for any one 17 or over to claim Rape and makes the process longer for them and less likely to speak out.
The legal age to take responsibility for a criminal offense is 10, so if a ten year old must stand in a court If they murder some one, surely they can make their own decision when it comes to sex (Not that I'm saying 10 year olds should be having sex but I hope you understand what I mean.)
Some 16 year olds are very immature and others are very mature, so I think it's wrong that the same rules should apply.

I think every rape claim should be looked at on a case-by-case basis no matter what the ages of the victim/offender are.

All over the world the Age of consent Varies. All over the states the age of consent varies. Some countries/states even have different consent ages for males and females.

Sorry for the essay but I've been following the thread a lot to see other people's opinions, and as a girl who was VERY badly affected by my father being absent for a large part of my life, I'd be forcing any guy that got me pregnant to man up and take responsibility.


----------



## emilyjean

Going through the court system, if you press charges, will be beneficial for everyone, at least IMO. The court could rule he needs to start therapy rather than putting him in jail, and then he'll be on the sex offender registry, won't be allowed near schools, etc. Which can only help other girls from going through the same thing as you, and may really help you. Definitely wait til after the baby is born, that way you can use a paternity test as evidence against him, as proof he is the father. Plus, like you said, you don't need the stress. 

Myfirstnoodle- It's a little different in the UK, I think. It's really not acceptable in the US, because laws are different and there are definite cultural differences.

ETA: amandad192- Rapists are to be allowed to see their children? That's what this guy is, a rapist, just because there was consent doesn't mean anything, she was too young to legally consent. So it was statutory rape. People go to jail for this all the time.


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

amandad192 said:


> emilyjean said:
> 
> 
> She is doing what she feels is best for *her* child. There are plenty of children who grow up never knowing their real father, and those are cases of bad breakups or the guy just leaving. In the case of finding out that FOB was a criminal, I think it would definitely be time to cut off all ties. He didn't just manipulate her, which would be horrible but wouldn't make him a predator. But he is a predator, criminally, as he constantly goes after younger girls.
> 
> How does anyone know what age he would draw the line at? There are plenty of 14/15 year olds that look pre-pubescent, it's just a possible stepping stone to textbook pedophilia.
> 
> Even if not everyone would cut off parental rights, Croc-o-dile is doing exactly what she thinks is right for *her* baby.
> 
> 
> It is not her child, it is *THEIR* child. It takes two to tango. It is *NEVER* okay to stop either parent from seeing their baby *unless they are seriously at risk, in which case SS would be involved.*
> 
> Has any one considered that maybe he has very low self esteem and he thinks the only way he can get anything is to take whatever he can get, maybe he'd be shagging granny's instead if all the young ones turned him away.
> 
> I don't think he alone can be blamed for sleeping with underage girls if they have all consented. Even if they all believed him to be 21 and called Bob Fred or Frank, they CONSENTED to him sticking his dipper in them, so should take some responsibility also.
> As the Law is in the UK, you must be 16 to consent to sexual intercourse, Male or Female. There are many reasons for this which I won't go into detail of. During my citizenship GCSE I had to write an essay on this so I could go on forever. To be honest I don't think there should be an "age of consent."
> It makes it more difficult for any one 17 or over to claim Rape and makes the process longer for them and less likely to speak out.
> The legal age to take responsibility for a criminal offense is 10, so if a ten year old must stand in a court If they murder some one, surely they can make their own decision when it comes to sex (Not that I'm saying 10 year olds should be having sex but I hope you understand what I mean.)
> Some 16 year olds are very immature and others are very mature, so I think it's wrong that the same rules should apply.
> 
> I think every rape claim should be looked at on a case-by-case basis no matter what the ages of the victim/offender are.
> 
> All over the world the Age of consent Varies. All over the states the age of consent varies. Some countries/states even have different consent ages for males and females.
> 
> Sorry for the essay but I've been following the thread a lot to see other people's opinions, and as a girl who was VERY badly affected by my father being absent for a large part of my life, I'd be forcing any guy that got me pregnant to man up and take responsibility.Click to expand...

IMO, if I have to worry about whether or not my child's father is having sex with her, that's as good a reason as any. 
BUT, I respect that we have different opinions on the matter. I did try to keep him in her life, but he wanted out. When I let him leave, he wanted back in. He's been yo-yoing with this since the start. I grew up without my father from the start, so it didn't affect me as bad as it did you, as you already knew him from 8 yeas. (I am thinking of the right person, right? sorry if I got you mixed up with someone else.) I don't want him walking out on her once she's old enough to know what's going on, either. IYKWIM?


----------



## Croc-O-Dile

Just to avoid this getting too heated, maybe we should all take a break from this real quick. No reason to go at war over this. To each their own, you know? :flower:


----------



## rubixcyoob.

Croc-o-dile I think that whatever you do you must think it through a lot. You cannot charge him as a pedophile because by legal definition he isn't. You could charge press statutory rape charge though. Also to stop him seeing olivia you would need a court order in which he is stripped of them but will have to definately prove he would be an unfit father etc.

Goodluck with whatever you decide :D xxx


----------



## lily123

emilyjean said:


> Going through the court system, if you press charges, will be beneficial for everyone, at least IMO. The court could rule he needs to start therapy rather than putting him in jail, and then he'll be on the sex offender registry, won't be allowed near schools, etc. Which can only help other girls from going through the same thing as you, and may really help you. Definitely wait til after the baby is born, that way you can use a paternity test as evidence against him, as proof he is the father. Plus, like you said, you don't need the stress.
> 
> Myfirstnoodle- It's a little different in the UK, I think. It's really not acceptable in the US, because laws are different and there are definite cultural differences.
> 
> ETA: amandad192- Rapists are to be allowed to see their children? That's what this guy is, a rapist, just because there was consent doesn't mean anything, she was too young to legally consent. So it was statutory rape. People go to jail for this all the time.

Very well said!
I'm really not trying to put a spanner in the works here as i can see this thread getting too heated, but think of it from this point of view.

If i had been in contact with my Dad all my life and when i was 18 my Mum told me that he was a sexual predator and preyed on not only her but many other YOUNG GIRLS, but she still let him around me because he was my biological father, i'd be seriously pissed at my mum for letting me be around a guy like that!
xxxx


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## FemmeEnceinte

I'm confused... you were 15 so, that's not paedophilia. The problem isn't the age of the women he's interested in although it shows how mature he is, it's the fact that he lies.

Be very careful with what you do next, branding him a paedophile is an incredibly huge lifelong sentence whether he is convicted or not (he won't be, because he hasn't slept with a child - only a minor... 13 and under is considered paedophilia). At 15 you chose to sleep with an older man, if you were capable of making the choice then he did nothing wrong.


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## AnnabelsMummy

rubixcyoob. said:


> Croc-o-dile I think that whatever you do you must think it through a lot. You cannot charge him as a pedophile because by legal definition he isn't. You could charge press statutory rape charge though. Also to stop him seeing olivia you would need a court order in which he is stripped of them but will have to definately prove he would be an unfit father etc.
> 
> Goodluck with whatever you decide :D xxx

actually he is by legal definition, a rapist on a young person (aka a peadophile).. and i dunno about the USA but in the UK you actually wouldn't need a court order to stop him seeing olivia.. 

i do think it would be difficult for you though ally.. and olivia is your baby girl and as her mummy it's your job to PROTECT her!
and to be honest if someone else ended up prosucuting him - imagine how she'd feel..
if that was my dad, and all the people in the local town knew what he was like, i'd feel really embarassed :( especially if i visited him regularly nd stuff..
i dunno.. :shrug: and when she asks you - and you say, well you've got the same blood - i dunno doens't seem like a good enough reason to me.. 
xxxxx


----------



## shocker

lily123 said:


> emilyjean said:
> 
> 
> Going through the court system, if you press charges, will be beneficial for everyone, at least IMO. The court could rule he needs to start therapy rather than putting him in jail, and then he'll be on the sex offender registry, won't be allowed near schools, etc. Which can only help other girls from going through the same thing as you, and may really help you. Definitely wait til after the baby is born, that way you can use a paternity test as evidence against him, as proof he is the father. Plus, like you said, you don't need the stress.
> 
> Myfirstnoodle- It's a little different in the UK, I think. It's really not acceptable in the US, because laws are different and there are definite cultural differences.
> 
> ETA: amandad192- *Rapists are to be allowed to see their children? * That's what this guy is, a rapist, just because there was consent doesn't mean anything, she was too young to legally consent. So it was statutory rape. People go to jail for this all the time.
> 
> Yes, most rapists are sociopaths and yes they commit horrible crimes but that doesnt give anyone the right to say they cant see their children.Ive seen it happen and its heartbreaking, this guy is a wanker and a predator and thats plain to see but legally i dont think he should answer to anyone since it was consensual even if there was emotional issues involved.Think of his family, are you going to let your child see them? and if you do how will you explain why they cant see their dad? hugs hun, this is a hard thing to face :hugs: xClick to expand...


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## FemmeEnceinte

allier276 said:


> rubixcyoob. said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Croc-o-dile I think that whatever you do you must think it through a lot. You cannot charge him as a pedophile because by legal definition he isn't. You could charge press statutory rape charge though. Also to stop him seeing olivia you would need a court order in which he is stripped of them but will have to definately prove he would be an unfit father etc.
> 
> Goodluck with whatever you decide :D xxx
> 
> 
> 
> actually he is by legal definition, a rapist on a young person (aka a peadophile).. and i dunno about the USA but in the UK you actually wouldn't need a court order to stop him seeing olivia..
> 
> i do think it would be difficult for you though ally.. and olivia is your baby girl and as her mummy it's your job to PROTECT her!
> and to be honest if someone else ended up prosucuting him - imagine how she'd feel..
> if that was my dad, and all the people in the local town knew what he was like, i'd feel really embarassed :( especially if i visited him regularly nd stuff..
> i dunno.. :shrug: and when she asks you - and you say, well you've got the same blood - i dunno doens't seem like a good enough reason to me..
> xxxxxClick to expand...

I didn't realise how out of hand this was until now... he's not a rapist. Consent means everything! Paedophilia is a sexual preference for prepubescent children. Was the OP prepubescent? Do you know many prepubescent 15 year olds?

Honestly, this isn't a small deal... he might be a "wanker" but the gravity of telling everyone he's a rapist and paedophile just because you think he's a wanker leaves me sick to my stomach.


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## lily123

Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x


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## passengerrach

are you sure it isnt just your mum putting ideas in to your head from your first post it sounded to me as if you never even thought of him as a paedophile/rapist untill your mum started listing reasons why he is and as i read on i see that you are now worried he would rape his own child do you really in your heart think he is that bad? yes i do think that being with you under 16 is wrong (i think 18 really for consent is too old) but as im from the uk where this kind of thing is the norm i dont see him as a paedophile i think that may be a bit dramatic yes its statutory rape but are you sure you really want him to go to prison for sleeping with you i think at the age of 15 girls do know their own mind and know exactly what they are doing. and surely he wouldnt of been 25 when he was with his ex's? he would have been younger so the age gap gets smaller im not saying its right but i dont think hes a paedophile.


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## FemmeEnceinte

lily123 said:


> Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x

In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.


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## lily123

FemmeEnceinte said:


> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x
> 
> In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.Click to expand...

be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.


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## aliss

Croc-O-Dile, you need to see a family attorney to discuss these things. I know a lot of girls here are trying to be helpful, but NJ state law varies from all other 49 states, and it varies quite a bit from UK law. There are a lot of differences in ages of consent, agencies involved (CPS and SS are different), ability to terminate parental rights, etc. so it's best to speak with someone well-versed in your state law. There's a fair bit of misinformation posted on here so you will need to see someone to sort out the facts...


----------



## daniellelk

Croc-O-Dile said:


> Linzi said:
> 
> 
> Im sorry if its already been asked hun but why aren't you going to the police? x
> 
> *edit* sorry posted at the same time lol
> 
> is it not the same explaining why he's in jail or why you took parental rights away??
> 
> Im not saying you're doing the wrong thing at all, I think you're doing the right thing, I would just worry for other young women who would come in to contact with him
> 
> Not really, because in NJ a lot of men avoid paying child support that way. They still see their children, but they don't have to pay for them.
> 
> *I am worried about the other girls that he'll come in contact with, and I've thought a lot about pressing stat. rape chargers. But if I do, it won't be until after Livi's born because I already am bordering high blood pressure and a court battle on top of it would send me over the edge.
> 
> Then at the same time, I'm thinking what if he just is mentally ill? What if he needs psychiatric help as opposed to legal help?
> I would hate to send him to jail and then find out he's actually got some mental disorder and that's why he is the way he is. You know?*Click to expand...

The court's would more then likely take your pregnancy and health during it into account, also, he would more then likely be assessed as to whether he is mentally ill or not if you went to the police.


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## aliss

I understand that you all are trying to be helpful, but under New Jersey state law (§ 2C: 14-2), it is sexual assault and he would be a registered sex offender if convicted (which considering they have proof [the child], it's a given). Whether or not that is sufficient to terminate parental rights is impossible to say without the advice of an NJ family attorney.


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## FemmeEnceinte

lily123 said:


> FemmeEnceinte said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x
> 
> In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.Click to expand...
> 
> be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.Click to expand...

She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.


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## shocker

Oh come on, going to the police and getting this guy put on the sex offender will ruin his life! Sex offenders have to tell police everytime they move and everytime anyone does anything at all theyre the first to be taken to the police station for questioning.They cant get jobs around kids and have trouble finding any work at all once employers know.It would ruin his life!! This isnt some short term thing, its a life sentance! he might be a wanker but he doesnt deserve that surely it would be more productive to ask him to seek counselling and monitor his access to his child instead of putting him through that and cutting him out :shrug:


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## trashit

I think this threads getting a little out of hand;
I can see it being locked v soon.


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## daniellelk

Maybe75 said:


> Firstly - this guy isn't a paedophile. Sorry. He sounds like a bit of a w**ker, but i don't think you can compare him with someone who has sex with children. With regards to cutting him off from your child - it scares me how easily some women will do this. Just imagine for a moment - someone saying you can never see your child again. Imagine what that would do to you?
> 
> Also on a practical note i would say - you said you stayed inside the 'messed up' laws of your state. I have no idea what these laws are, but if you did, surely this won't help you take his parental rights away from him? And it would mean you can't report him either, surely?




jen1604 said:


> Am I the only one who doesn't agreee with FOB not being allowed to have any rights?!
> 
> Yes he sounds like a bit of an idiot but to me he doesn't sound like a paedophile and *definitely* doesn't sound like he's a threat to your daughters health.
> 
> Think about this really seriously before you take action and take his rights away.

The ones iv colored agree with or what i'd ask. 
You could have it so he gets SUPERVISED visits only with his daughter.

My parents have 20years between them! Difference is my mum was 16-17 when they met. A friend I was at school with got with a assistant teacher who was 31 and she was 15. 

TBH would you be saying this if it was a women doing what he is doing/done??

Im not saying your right/wrong in what ever choice you make, but is it really fair for your daughter to go with out IF it is just a mental thing? Also only you can really stop him repeating his actions on another young girl hun im guessing non of the others have spoke up to the police about him x


----------



## lily123

FemmeEnceinte said:


> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> FemmeEnceinte said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x
> 
> In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.Click to expand...
> 
> be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.Click to expand...
> 
> She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.Click to expand...

That was when she didn't know he had been doing it to other girls before and after her...
But i'm not in here to argue with anyone, all i'm doing is stating that it's ILLEGAL and in England it's called Statutory Rape. Morally wrong or right, he comitted a crime. The whole reason Ally posted in the first place was because she felt so bad about it, and she knows she was in the wrong by sleeping with him, so there is no reason for this thread to turn angry.


----------



## trashit

A woman would be just as wrong as a man in doing what he did. In the end, who cares whether you think its classed as rape, statuory rape, peadophilia. The fact is, there is a 25 year old man who thinks its perfectly ok to chat up underage girls and sleep with them. Its not as if he just has a thing for younger girls, he is purposely choosing vulnerable *UNDERAGE* girls. Whether you believe its right or wrong, i think this man needs serious help, and whether he biologically is the father or not, i know i wouldn't feel safe having a man near my daughter who has a thing for young girls. In the end it doesn't matter if the girl agreed to it or not, if that girl was vulnerable and was naive then she's not the one in the wrong, _he is._ Anyway, i think this thread needs closing, its getting out of hand.


----------



## FemmeEnceinte

lily123 said:


> FemmeEnceinte said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> FemmeEnceinte said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x
> 
> In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.Click to expand...
> 
> be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.Click to expand...
> 
> She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.Click to expand...
> 
> That was when she didn't know he had been doing it to other girls before and after her...
> But i'm not in here to argue with anyone, all i'm doing is stating that it's ILLEGAL and in England it's called Statutory Rape. Morally wrong or right, he comitted a crime. The whole reason Ally posted in the first place was because she felt so bad about it, and she knows she was in the wrong by sleeping with him, so there is no reason for this thread to turn angry.Click to expand...

There's plenty reason when there's talk of ruining a man's life and taking his child away and raising them without a father over "Ally feeling bad". It's not right. 

Sleeping with other underage girls still isn't paedophilia, unless they were prepubescent. I can't stress that enough. Plenty of things are illegal... I drank underage, should I be punished? It was up to Ally to consent when she knew it was illegal and she did and is only now unhappy because he's slept with other girls who were the same age as her. Well, let's assume they were all like Ally... happy to consent? It's up to them to come forward if that's not the case as Ally herself was fine.


----------



## FemmeEnceinte

trashit said:


> A woman would be just as wrong as a man in doing what he did. In the end, who cares whether you think its classed as rape, statuory rape, peadophilia. The fact is, there is a 25 year old man who thinks its perfectly ok to chat up underage girls and sleep with them. Its not as if he just has a thing for younger girls, he is purposely choosing vulnerable *UNDERAGE* girls. Whether you believe its right or wrong, i think this man needs serious help, and whether he biologically is the father or not, i know i wouldn't feel safe having a man near my daughter who has a thing for young girls. In the end it doesn't matter if the girl agreed to it or not, if that girl was vulnerable and was naive then she's not the one in the wrong, _he is._ Anyway, i think this thread needs closing, its getting out of hand.

And despite all of them consenting and Ally consenting at the time he shouldn't have access to his child? I'm lost for words at this thread...


----------



## etcetera

oh wow...it's amazing how everyone has such strong feelings about this...

I think that if you feel that he is a danger to your daughter, then do whatever you have to do. None of us know all the details of what is going on, but I trust your judgement


----------



## daniellelk

trashit said:


> A woman would be just as wrong as a man in doing what he did. In the end, who cares whether you think its classed as rape, statuory rape, peadophilia. The fact is, there is a 25 year old man who thinks its perfectly ok to chat up underage girls and sleep with them. Its not as if he just has a thing for younger girls, he is purposely choosing vulnerable *UNDERAGE* girls. Whether you believe its right or wrong, i think this man needs serious help, and whether he biologically is the father or not, i know i wouldn't feel safe having a man near my daughter who has a thing for young girls. In the end it doesn't matter if the girl agreed to it or not, if that girl was vulnerable and was naive then she's not the one in the wrong, _he is._ Anyway, i think this thread needs closing, its getting out of hand.

I'm not saying weather I feel it's right/wrong. 

I know plenty of girls who have had sex 14/15 with 18+ and i'm sure you do too. Hell my mate who was 15 slept with the 30+ year old and it was reported to the police (by a school friend of hers) yes it was illegal, but it was cleared by the police in the end, he's not being classed as a Peado or on any sex offenders list or anything. 
vulnerable or not a 15 year old knows what they are getting them self's into when there sleeping with someone much older then them. 

Im not judging the OP, i'd just like to say, I never even judged my friend! In fact if anything I stood by her while the rest slagged her off, she was mature enough at 15 to make her own choice.


----------



## lily123

FemmeEnceinte said:


> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> FemmeEnceinte said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> FemmeEnceinte said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x
> 
> In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.Click to expand...
> 
> be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.Click to expand...
> 
> She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.Click to expand...
> 
> That was when she didn't know he had been doing it to other girls before and after her...
> But i'm not in here to argue with anyone, all i'm doing is stating that it's ILLEGAL and in England it's called Statutory Rape. Morally wrong or right, he comitted a crime. The whole reason Ally posted in the first place was because she felt so bad about it, and she knows she was in the wrong by sleeping with him, so there is no reason for this thread to turn angry.Click to expand...
> 
> There's plenty reason when there's talk of ruining a man's life and taking his child away and raising them without a father over "Ally feeling bad". It's not right.
> 
> Sleeping with other underage girls still isn't paedophilia, unless they were prepubescent. I can't stress that enough. Plenty of things are illegal... I drank underage, should I be punished? It was up to Ally to consent when she knew it was illegal and she did and is only now unhappy because he's slept with other girls who were the same age as her. Well, let's assume they were all like Ally... happy to consent? It's up to them to come forward if that's not the case as Ally herself was fine.Click to expand...

I don't think i've even mentioned the word 'Paedophilia'... i'm certainly not saying he is a paedophile, i'm saying that what went on between them is called STATUTORY RAPE, wether you agree with the naming of it or not, it's still a crime!

I haven't given you my personal opinion on this, all i've stated is the Law.

This thread is getting absolutely ridiculous.


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## FemmeEnceinte

lily123 said:


> FemmeEnceinte said:
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> lily123 said:
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> FemmeEnceinte said:
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> lily123 said:
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> FemmeEnceinte said:
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> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> Actually, in the eyes of the law he is a statuory rapist because Ally was a minor at the time. x
> 
> In the eyes of Ally, she was more than happy to sleep with him. Statutory rape isn't rape in the way that we know it, it's just legal jargon.Click to expand...
> 
> be that as it may... it's still Illegal no matter what they call it.Click to expand...
> 
> She agreed happily... it's morally abhorrent to change your mind and decide to press charges further down the line.Click to expand...
> 
> That was when she didn't know he had been doing it to other girls before and after her...
> But i'm not in here to argue with anyone, all i'm doing is stating that it's ILLEGAL and in England it's called Statutory Rape. Morally wrong or right, he comitted a crime. The whole reason Ally posted in the first place was because she felt so bad about it, and she knows she was in the wrong by sleeping with him, so there is no reason for this thread to turn angry.Click to expand...
> 
> There's plenty reason when there's talk of ruining a man's life and taking his child away and raising them without a father over "Ally feeling bad". It's not right.
> 
> Sleeping with other underage girls still isn't paedophilia, unless they were prepubescent. I can't stress that enough. Plenty of things are illegal... I drank underage, should I be punished? It was up to Ally to consent when she knew it was illegal and she did and is only now unhappy because he's slept with other girls who were the same age as her. Well, let's assume they were all like Ally... happy to consent? It's up to them to come forward if that's not the case as Ally herself was fine.Click to expand...
> 
> I don't think i've even mentioned the word 'Paedophilia'... i'm certainly not saying he is a paedophile, i'm saying that what went on between them is called STATUTORY RAPE, wether you agree with the naming of it or not, it's still a crime!
> 
> I haven't given you my personal opinion on this, all i've stated is the Law.
> 
> This thread is getting absolutely ridiculous.Click to expand...

So is underage drinking, even though I loved it at the time... will I go and sue the bars who served me?


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## shocker

So you think that since the age of consent a boy of 17 who sleeps with a consenting 15 year old girl should be punished and have his life ruined? The statutory rape laws protect young girls but theres no fairness in it


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## MyFirstNoodle

Maybe the OP should just get advice in her own state because everyone on BnB clearly can't help her! Infact I'm not quite sure what advice she is looking for from us?

Anyway its probably best if we all leave it and she gets advice from a professional and discuss it with them :thumbup:


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## ~RedLily~

MyFirstNoodle said:


> Maybe the OP should just get advice in her own state because everyone on BnB clearly can't help her! Infact I'm not quite sure what advice she is looking for?
> 
> Anyway its probably best if we all leave it and she gets advice from a professional and discuss it with them :thumbup:

i agree i think getting legal advice is the best idea. that way you know exactly where you stand. i think discussing it on here you will just get everyones opinions which will be more confusing and wont actually get you any nearer to knowing what the right path to take would be.


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## lily123

Oh my goodness... I give up.
I originally posted to give OP my support because it must be extremely hard for her.
I have not said my opinion on statutory rape, i have NOT stated that i think it's right, or wrong, all i did was say what the law clearly states and holds as a crime, a technicality.

So please, don't turn this into an argument.


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## aliss

UK law about this topic really has nothing to do with the OP, it's about as applicable as Iraqi or Mexican law. The OP needs to stick to the facts about New Jersey state law and seek the advice of a NJ family attorney ~ no matter what any of our own personal opinions are on the subject.


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## andreeuhxoxo

The OP is totally RIGHT! I think the OP is totally justified in her act to diminish legal rights.. especially since he didn't want her to have the baby in the first place. I think it'd be very strong and brave of her to do so.

And It doesn't matter if she consented or not.. because she was not of age to consent! That's why there IS an age of consent.. anyone under that age isn't compentent enough to make that decision -- to understand the physical and mental consequences of having sex (well not all minors, some are more mature than others). The laws presume coercion, because a minor is legally incapable of giving consent to the act. That's why it's illegal! I'm 21 and I could never see myself with a 15-year-old.. because I know its WRONG. A 24-year-old should know the difference between right and wrong.. a 15-year-old wouldn't. That's whats messed up about this. Especially since he lied about his age, used different names, didn't say the age difference in public .. all those facts point to him knowing it was wrong AND illegal.

If I had a 15-year-old daughter OR son I wouldn't want them sleeping with a 24-year-old! Heck no.


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## FemmeEnceinte

At 15, I knew what was right and wrong and I was more than capable of making a decision like this. The law presumes to speak for everyone and not everyone is the same.

Furthermore, the type of man/partner he is has nothing to do with the type of father he will be. Nor does the fact that he didn't want the baby at first. The reality of having a child and the idea are two different things, many men who wanted nothing to do with babies have changed their minds... it's not your right to punish them as you have no right to play god in your child's life. You can guide them, but they should decide for themselves if they want their father in their lives.


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## MyFirstNoodle

FemmeEnceinte said:


> At 15, I knew what was right and wrong and I was more than capable of making a decision like this. The law presumes to speak for everyone and not everyone is the same.
> 
> Furthermore, the type of man/partner he is has nothing to do with the type of father he will be. Nor does the fact that he didn't want the baby at first. The reality of having a child and the idea are two different things, *many men who wanted nothing to do with babies have changed their minds... it's not your right to punish them as you have no right to play god in your child's life*. You can guide them, but they should decide for themselves if they want their father in their lives.

Thats the point I made earlier about my OH. He didnt want his child at first because he was scared to become a dad.....now he's not allowed to see her it kills him and upsets him more than you could ever imagine! Alot of blokes are like my OH. 

Thanks for pointing that out :thumbup:


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## andreeuhxoxo

FemmeEnceinte said:


> At 15, I knew what was right and wrong and I was more than capable of making a decision like this. The law presumes to speak for everyone and not everyone is the same.
> 
> Furthermore, the type of man/partner he is has nothing to do with the type of father he will be. Nor does the fact that he didn't want the baby at first. The reality of having a child and the idea are two different things, many men who wanted nothing to do with babies have changed their minds... it's not your right to punish them as you have no right to play god in your child's life. You can guide them, but they should decide for themselves if they want their father in their lives.

Until the child is able to make that decision, the OP has to - and I'm sure she knows what's best for her child. She's also the only one who knows this man. IMO she shouldn't have to fear her daughter being around her own father. That right there is a red flag. 

I don't think Croc-o-dile was looking for any legal advice. Just support! I hope everything works out for the best hun! :thumbup::flower:


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## jovigirl93

Didnt wanna read and run :hugs:
Thats terrible though! Im so sorry you had to go through all this!


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## Croc-O-Dile

MyFirstNoodle said:


> Maybe the OP should just get advice in her own state because everyone on BnB clearly can't help her! *Infact I'm not quite sure what advice she is looking for from us?*
> 
> Anyway its probably best if we all leave it and she gets advice from a professional and discuss it with them :thumbup:

In all honesty, I really wasn't looking for advice. I was extreamly hurt and disgusted and just needed to get it all out. I can't stress enough that the UK and US are HIGHLY different in the way they think about and treat underage/overage relationships. I hadn't thought about this when I posted this thread, as I really wasn't aware of the difference in the culture. Not saying one is right or one is wrong, I'm just saying I wasn't aware there was such an huge difference.
I am going to seek legal advice and find the best option for ALL of us. 

Anyway, I'm going to ask that this thread be locked, as I find it to just be pointless now. It's turned into an argument, which is not what I intended. I just really needed to get that off my chest.


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## vermeil

please think of your health and baby first! Get that BP down! What you`re going through is absolutely awful. I think he`s a total sleezebag for doing this over and over to young girls.

What some are missing here is intent. He purposefully plans meeting underage girls, from broken homes, using different names etc. He plans to earn their trust, intently tells them not to tell anyone else of their relationship. This is all PLANNED and on PURPOSE. Use the term you will, he`s a PREDATOR and knows all too well what he`s doing. He probably tells each one how they`re the first, how special and precious their relationship is etc. I'm just really worried for other young girls out there. 

Seek legal advice, read up on the subject, talk to you close friends if you can to let some steam out. And take care of yourself!! *huugs*


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## MyFirstNoodle

Croc-O-Dile said:


> MyFirstNoodle said:
> 
> 
> Maybe the OP should just get advice in her own state because everyone on BnB clearly can't help her! *Infact I'm not quite sure what advice she is looking for from us?*
> 
> Anyway its probably best if we all leave it and she gets advice from a professional and discuss it with them :thumbup:
> 
> In all honesty, I really wasn't looking for advice. I was extreamly hurt and disgusted and just needed to get it all out. I can't stress enough that the UK and US are HIGHLY different in the way they think about and treat underage/overage relationships. I hadn't thought about this when I posted this thread, as I really wasn't aware of the difference in the culture. Not saying one is right or one is wrong, I'm just saying I wasn't aware there was such an huge difference.
> I am going to seek legal advice and find the best option for ALL of us.
> 
> Anyway, I'm going to ask that this thread be locked, as I find it to just be pointless now. It's turned into an argument, which is not what I intended. I just really needed to get that off my chest.Click to expand...

Oh no thats fine. I was just confused because you weren't asking for advice yet everyone seemed to give it then everyone was disagreeing with the advice eachother was giving you......does that even make sense? it does in my head :rofl:

Sorry came out a little wrong! Yeah I guess US and UK are different! Anyway good luck with whatever you do x:hugs:


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## AriannasMama

My question is what the hell can a 25 year old and a 15 year old have in common anyways? I dont want to call him a pedophile, but perhaps immature and manipulative, most men like this date younger girls for the thrill and because they know girls their age wouldn't put up with their shitt. Not sure about taking away FOB's rights because I feel like if he wants to be involved he should, but you should just do this all legally so that the Judge can make a decision and make sure to tell your lawyer everything so that they can help you decide what is right and safe for your baby girl.


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