# Touchy Subject- no judgment zone please



## momtake1

I am writing tonight with a heavy heart. I ask for a no judgment zone because this post contains some personal info that is not easy for me...but I need the anonymity of the Internet as I can't discuss with my friends and family. Some of you will immediately change your opinion of me and Im sorry for that but I do understand. about 7 months into my relationship with the wonderful man who is now my husband, we found out that he had been exposed to and contracted genital herpes. The reason we found out is because I had an outbreak - the virus was not in my blood yet. He had never had an outbreak but it was in his blood. This was the worst thing I could have heard. I was not a promiscuous girl as he was the third man I had been in a relationship with and the third I had slept with. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. I am an educated woman, he is an educated man, both with low numbers of sexual partners - how does this happen?!?! While it seemed devastating at the time - we got through it. 2.5 years later our relationship is perfect, we are married and expecting our first child.I am 34.5 weeks pregnant with our little angel girl. Okay so why am I writing about this on a pregnant blog...delivery. I am so nervous about delivering the baby vaginally because of the chance I could pass on to her this incurable disease. I had really come to the conclusion that I wanted a c-section in order to protect her. While the healing for me and the dangers for me are greater then with a vaginal delivery - I don't care I just want to keep her safe. Today at my doctor appt I met with one of the providers in the office I haven't met yet and well she broke my spirit. She made me feel I shouldn't even be pregnant with a child due to the herpes and that choosing a c-section just because of that is crazy. I left the office and cried the entire way home:cry: !! I am now so confused do I go vaginally or go c-section. I know the chances of transmission to the baby are slim vaginally - I take suppression medicine, I haven't had an active outbreak in over 6 months, they will check me before delivery begins for any signs of an outbreak. However when my husband infected me, and when he was infected there was no visible outbreak occurring. That is my fear - what if I am shedding the virus at time of delivery but have no outward signs of it???? I could easily infect the baby and ruin her life. This doc said today that even with c-section there is a chance of transmitting to the baby although Im not sure how since it is not a blood disease - its a contact disease so she would have to come in contact with the virus in my genital area during an outbreak but ...idk. Im just torn... I want so badly to have a vaginal birth. I think its better for everyone but if it ends with a healthy baby but one with herpes I couldn't live with myself. She gave me one week to make my decision - it is going to be a long week. Probably one of lots of tears and beating myself up. My husband is great and just keeps hugging and supporting me:hugs:, but he also keeps crying cause he feels it is all his fault - which then makes me feel even worse because its not. He didn't know what he had done, or what had been done to him. The whole thing sucks and I am a puddle tonight over it. I know there is not much anyone can say but I needed to share. Thanks for reading and I hope you don't think less of me now:nope:


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## goddess25

First of all I have no advice here sorry. I am however really sorry your going through this, no one is going to think badly of you these things happen and its not your fault. Its a hard decision to make. I know that my best friend was infected with genital herpes years ago and she has had 4 children now all via C section, although she did attempt a vaginal birth first time.


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## kat2504

I think a vaginal birth would be safe so long as you don't have any active outbreaks at the time, otherwise you'd have to go for c-section. None of this is your fault, it could have happened to anyone really. I think you should just go with the best medical advice and talk to your doctor again if you don't think all your questions have been answered.


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## xSin

momtake1 said:


> I had really come to the conclusion that I wanted a c-section in order to protect her. While the healing for me and the dangers for me are greater then with a vaginal delivery - I don't care I just want to keep her safe. Today at my doctor appt I met with one of the providers in the office I haven't met yet and well she broke my spirit. She made me feel I shouldn't even be pregnant with a child due to the herpes and that choosing a c-section just because of that is crazy. I left the office and cried the entire way home:cry: !!


I can tell that you are going to be an absolutely amazing mother because before she's even arrived, you're already taking precautions with your daughter's health and safety, and that is commendable. 

Right now if I were you, I'd toss that doctor's lack of an opinion out the window (because lets face it, by the sounds of it she didn't give you any advice either way) ...and go get a second, third, if necessary, fourth opinion on the matter. 

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through that, how insensitive!


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## PitaKat

xSin said:


> momtake1 said:
> 
> 
> I had really come to the conclusion that I wanted a c-section in order to protect her. While the healing for me and the dangers for me are greater then with a vaginal delivery - I don't care I just want to keep her safe. Today at my doctor appt I met with one of the providers in the office I haven't met yet and well she broke my spirit. She made me feel I shouldn't even be pregnant with a child due to the herpes and that choosing a c-section just because of that is crazy. I left the office and cried the entire way home:cry: !!
> 
> 
> I can tell that you are going to be an absolutely amazing mother because before she's even arrived, you're already taking precautions with your daughter's health and safety, and that is commendable.
> 
> Right now if I were you, I'd toss that doctor's lack of an opinion out the window (because lets face it, by the sounds of it she didn't give you any advice either way) ...and go get a second, third, if necessary, fourth opinion on the matter.
> 
> I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through that, how insensitive!Click to expand...

What she said exactly! I think you should talk to a different doctor about this, one who will give you the knowledge and support you need to make the best decision for your baby and yourself. Best of luck to you and your family :flower:


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## crazylilth1ng

Genital herpes is only dangerous during delivery if you have an active infection/outbreak. If this is the case then cesarean is necessary. You would know however if you have an active genital infection.

You should never feel guilty about contracting an STD if you have been careful! Obviously one if your exes wasn't as careful as he made out he was and I'm sure your hubby still loves you despite the fact that he ended up with it.

You seem to have a lot of concern for your baby and will make a great mum! 

I wouldn't see that dr again if I were you!


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## leahsbabybump

oh hun im sorry your having to go through this how terrible i feel for you and your husband it not his fault at all or your own if i was you i would get a second opinion the doctor you saw sounds very rude and insesitive to me i would go to a doctor who specialises in this kind of thing and ask them for some support and help on deciding what is best for you and your unborn baby nobody will think no less of you for having a c-section hun and like a pp said the only way the baby can contract the infection is if an outbreak is present at the time so if extensive checks are going to be carried out to asses the risk then im sure if they say vaginal is ok then vaginal is brill  

also to the above poster hepres is not just contractable through unprotected sex it can also be contracted from recieving oral sex from a person with a cold sore the cold sore doesnt even have to be present at the time for the infection to be passed over it can also be quite hard to find out you have herpes as general clinics only check for herpes breakouts and in this case the lady or her husband hadnt had a breakout so there was no way they could have know its only through blood work they found out. You can even contract the hepres virus through kissing someone im sure we dont all ask every single person we kiss if they ever had a cold sore in their life.

If you rarely have breakouts hun i doubt there will be problems with a vaginal birth keep your head up and try and get a second opinion i think the way you was treated was discraceful tbh if you wana chat in private dont hesitate to private message me 
have you tried the forum on baby and bump gestational problems i wonder if there is anybody in there im the smae situatiom as you who know exactly what your going through and can offer you morral support  worth a try i imagine it would be nice to talk to someone in the same situation 
i will be thinking of you hun and try and let us know how you get on


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## citymouse

I think anyone who judges you for this would have to be a pretty narrow-minded and cold-hearted person.

As for your doctor, I'd look for a new one--one who offers advice and compassion rather than judgment and doomsaying! 

I don't know much about the medical issues at hand but wanted to offer you support, since obviously your doctor isn't giving you any! :hugs:


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## xtina6143

I would see about talking to a more understanding and non-judgemental doctor who can help you make the best decision for yourself and your child. Good luck!


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## shantehend

I'm with these ladies, no one has the right to judge you. I thank you for sharing your story and I am sure you aren't the only woman in this predicament. I'm sorry I can't help with any advice. But best of luck to you and your new baby.


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## Guppy051708

:hugs: It will be okay hun. My sister has the same thing and she is due any day now with #2. She had it before #1 as well. They just check her when labor starts to see if she is having an outbreak. If she does, they will do c-section. If she doesn't its pretty safe to have a vaingal delivery :flower: You are right, it is a contact thing. BUT even if you have it in your blood and no outbreaks, the baby is exposed to the risk in uteruo (which really isnt much a risk at all and baby will likely not get it since its a contact type of thing). What makes it communicable is the open wounds from the outbreak. So if you are free from open wounds, there is a GOOD (EXCELLENT) chance the baby would be fine and not contract it via vaginal birth :flower:


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## Arisa

hey :hugs: I hope no one judges you and I certainly don't as someone in my family also got pregnant with genital herpes and she was able to have the baby vaginally as they did not flare up during her pregnancy but I know that if they do then all doctors and OBs would recommend a C section as it is risky to baby but if they stay at bay during your pregnancy especially the third then you should be able to attempt a vaginal birth as the infection wont pose a risk to your baby. I know from my family members experience that the baby was fine but she was told a C section was always on the table incase :)

hope that helps


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## cera

Momtake1,

I'm in your same perdiciment my dear. I too have rarely shared my story because it is still painful for me, but I want you to know you are not alone. I found out my ex of an 8 year monogomous (sadly I thought) relationship had cheated on me only AFTER I left him only because I got tested for everything in the book since our break up was so messy. It was devistating for me too. I have never had an outbreak, but I do carry the genital herpes virus now and didn't prior to him. It's hard to even write that. I too understand the "why me", "I have been sooo careful" and the fear for passing it on to an unborn child. I am now years later married to an amazingly wonderful man and couldn't be happier, however, having to talk about delivery options with our doctor has been hard as it brings everything back up. I, like you, want to do what it best for our child and my doctor said he still reccomends to deliver vaginally if I choose. He's been delivering babies for 30 years, and said he had many women in my situation and does not see the contraction rate a large enough risk to automatically do a c-section, but will if I choose to. Regardless he will put me on a viral suppressant many weeks before as you said you are already on. He said he will watch me close and any signs of an outbreak we will just switch to c-section game plan. I agree with you as I do not think there is any chance of contraction via c-sec as the virus is a point contact virus, but I'm not 100% on that as I have yet to do reserach on this as I have never been pregnant before. You mention in your post you would like to do vaginally - is you actual doctor on board and would he/she be able to do like mine and monitor you really close and change the delivery last minute if need be? Honestly, arn't most hospitals and doctors skilled at having to deliver c-sections last minute anyways? I feel this woman is forcing you to have to stress over your delivery that could be managed way differently! Do you have to deal with her or can you kick her outta the way?

I would love to whack that provider woman in the skull for you. I can't tell you how mad that makes me, like because of our poor luck contracting this somehow we are assumed unfit to have a baby. The ignorance of people, really. 

I feel for you as it is such a hard decision. I am hoping there will be others that have already gone through such a thing and can shed some light for you. Please PM me if you need a friend that's going through the same thing. Hoping for you the best and your delivery is everything you want and your baby is healthy and happy! :hugs: :hugs:


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## Sunshine12

Firstly you shouldnt feel bad about this at all. Its something that happens to alot of people, its just not widely spoken about.

It happened to a very good friend of mine. Her boyfriend (now husband) had it but was a carrier and didnt get any symptoms. She got it from him. 

Anyway, she had the same concerns as you as was worried that she could pass it to her baby. I guess there is no way of knowing if you are going to have an outbreak at the time of delivery but she has had 2 children and never had an outbreak with either. Try not to stress yourself about it as stress and tiredness can bring on a bout of it (so Im told) 

I would change doctor if I were you and get advice from a true professional that isnt going to be out of line and say things that are utterly ridiculous! :hugs:


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## fizzypop

Hey hey hey! I'm a fellow herpes carrier! And I'm very open about it. As a result, 50% of the people I know have confided in me that they also have it.

With regards to birth... My ob told me that an outbreak only has a 1-3% chance of being passed to baby during delivery so to go for vaginal delivery if I wanted.

With regards to your doctor... What a total and utter idiot. Ignore them. You have NO reason to feel bad for having herpes. Plenty of people have chicken pox and it's pretty much the same thing!

With regards to the actual herpes... I am a master at dealing with it, so please do PM me if you want advice. Just please, please don't see it as a terrible incurable disease, because it's not that bad.

I wish you all the best honey xxx


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## babyblog

I don't see why anyone would judge you for having a STD, plenty of people have them n their lives, why I earth would anyone think you shouldn't have a baby just because of tha x


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## momtake1

Ladies...please hug yourself tonight for me!!!:hugs: I was so DOWN yesterday and feeling like the worst Mom ever...after reading all of your insightful thoughts and opinions and experiences I feel SO So SO much better. I am taking your all of your advice...starting with never seeing that doc again!! I have a real problem standing up for myself sometimes but this time I will not go in for a second "beating" by that lady. 
I think I am going to try for a vaginal birth. I have another appt on 1/10, this time with a provider I know is reasonable. Plan on having a conversation with her and bringing up all of the things you have suggested. Thank you thank you thank you....know you all made a difference today!!!


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## The Alchemist

Hi,

Sounds like you will have things sorted with a new doctor. Good for you.

Regarding herpes, all I can suggest to prevent future breakouts is that you should try to lessen your stress level as it can definitely bring it on. 

And to clarify, herpes is not within the blood. It stays dormant in the nerve roots. It can stay there without being active for years until something brings it out, such as a traumatic situation that really had a person stressed out. Or major fatigue. 

Take care of yourself. Don't stress out, it aggrevates the herpes. 

You will be a great mother, dear!


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## Rigi.kun

I'm glad these amazing women were here to share their stories and give you there support.
My aunt has HIV but didn't find out until she moved to Australia and thus after she gave birth to my cousin naturally. My cousin is healthy and no trace of HIV in his system. So while it's something that should be looked at, the doctors will do their best to help and protect you and bubz.

:hugs: you're already an awesome mummy :D


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## mightyspu

fizzypop said:


> Hey hey hey! I'm a fellow herpes carrier! And I'm very open about it. As a result, 50% of the people I know have confided in me that they also have it.
> 
> With regards to birth... My ob told me that an outbreak only has a 1-3% chance of being passed to baby during delivery so to go for vaginal delivery if I wanted.
> 
> With regards to your doctor... What a total and utter idiot. Ignore them. You have NO reason to feel bad for having herpes. Plenty of people have chicken pox and it's pretty much the same thing!
> 
> With regards to the actual herpes... I am a master at dealing with it, so please do PM me if you want advice. Just please, please don't see it as a terrible incurable disease, because it's not that bad.
> 
> I wish you all the best honey xxx

What a corking post! Just goes to show that for every bad reaction to a situation, there is someone who is willing to reverse that! It's a pity that sometimes the negative reaction is from a healthcare professional!

OP, I am glad you are feeling much better about this situation, and sorry that you felt that you would be judged. Nobody is "perfect" and nobody knows 100% of your situation, so they don't have the right to judge anyway!

Take care :)


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## tu123

I would never think twice or judge anyone in this situation.

I am so sorry for you both. It must be a strain. However, you both have a wonderful baby to look forward to:hugs::hugs::hugs:

As others have said, it will not be a problem unless the bug is active.

But i would seek a further opinion and write a complaint about how you have been treated so far. Healthcare professionals are supposed to be taught not to judge. You spoke to a right wanker IMHO.


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## mamaduke

You definitely need to seek at least one opinion from a non-judgmental doctor. I think it's extremely lucky that (1) you know about this before giving birth and (2) you're concerned on how this may impact your LO. 

Here's hoping someone can give you a clear-headed opinion on whether it's advisable to have a vaginal birth or a caesarian.


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## fizzypop

Good for you honey! Don't let the provider get you down! It's only herpes for goodness sake! I know you don't want to risk passing it on to baby, but you are looking at all the risks involved and making informed decisions. In my opinion, that already makes you a top mummy!
Xxx


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## feeble

I have also contracted genital herpes after being with my husband for 6 years... it might be that it was there before and i didnt notice, or he gave it to me as he has a coldsore. I managed to give it right back to him though so now we both have the genital kind! 

I have only had that one outbreak so i can only pray that i do not get an outbreak near the birth or i will have to have a caesarian, they did say though, that it doesnt matter if i dont have an outbreak, no risk to bean x


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## socitycourty

I second finding a new doctor! And also I thought I had read/heard before that you could only infect your baby if you had an outbreak at the time of birth (a couple other people have said that) if it is safe for you to deliver naturally and avoid the risk/recovery of a c-section that should be left up to you.


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## feeble

socitycourty said:


> I second finding a new doctor! And also I thought I had read/heard before that you could only infect your baby if you had an outbreak at the time of birth (a couple other people have said that) if it is safe for you to deliver naturally and avoid the risk/recovery of a c-section that should be left up to you.

this is definitely what my midwife said to me on Tuesday x


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## momtake1

Rigi.kun said:


> I'm glad these amazing women were here to share their stories and give you there support.
> :D

 I couldn't agree more!!!!!! Thank you :)


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## RomaTomato

Hey ladies!

I was just prowling around in forum I wish to belong (very soon I hope!!) and came across this post. I too have herpes, I got it from an ex who cheated on me. And I really don't give a rat's ass if people want to judge me for it!

I spent WAY too much time feeling down and hating myself over contracting this condition! It really isn't a huge deal! And know what else?? 1 in freakin' 4 people have herpes! And the vast majority have NO idea! 

Statistically this means that 1 in 4 pregnant women has genital herpes, and again, MOST HAVE NO IDEA! The babies that get sick from herpes (and there are very few) are usually from mothers who a) don't know about their infection and b) contract the disease later in their pregnancy OR have their primary outbreak later in their pregnancy. Women with long standing infections (like several years or more) actually pose a very small risk to their babies. Also, I have read that the mother passes on a small amount of immunity to herpes that helps protect the baby during birth. 

I had a MC in the summer so I did a LOT of reading up on this subject. I talked to my doctor and midwife about it and neither of them seemed overly concerned. I made a decision that I just wasn't going to worry about. When I do get pregnant again I plan to have a vaginal birth! 

I'm sure you and your munchkin will be JUST FINE! No more tears, ok?!

Hugs!!

:thumbup::thumbup:
:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## 3boys

dont have any advice hun but didnt want to read and run. x x


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## feeble

I could have had herpes for years with no idea... Just one of those crazy things! Some people who have it only ever have one outbreak!


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## cliqmo

As many others have said nobody should judge you for this, particularly medical professionals! 

Best of luck with reaching your decision :hugs:


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## newmom2cayden

I found out a couple weeks ago that I had herpes and i am in so much shock that I dont know what to do. I told my OB today and she looked at me like I was crazy. i told her I wanted a c-section and even though I could tell she did not want me to have one she okayed it and scheduled it. I have yet to tell my husband as he is out of state working and will not be back till a week before my due date which is now my csection date. I just dont feel like this is something you tell someone over the phone.
You should get a second opinion. It's your choice on how you want to have your babyy.

Good Luck


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## Nightshade21

Firstly, you need to seriously think about filing a complaint against that doctor. That is a completely unacceptable way to treat a patient. 

I also have herpes and have been in a monagamous relationship, my boyfriend got it from another partner and had no idea so we started using the pill and that is how I caught it. I've only had two flare ups in my life. 

Here are some more statistics to hopefully stop you feeling so ashamed:

*70% of the population have facial herpes *(cold sores) and *10% have genital herpes in the UK. *This is even higher in the US and developing countries.

Three quarters of those people don't know they have it and never have any symptoms.

It is not incurable - your immune system cures it very well and stops recurrences for most people. 

It isn't the only infection that stays in you for life. What about glandular fever and chickenpox? No one makes a big fuss about those.


Please don't be ashamed of it, most of the worlds population have a form of herpes but no one ever talks about it!


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## gk1701

Hello: I don't judge you at all. I have three friends with genital herpes and all of them are great people. Its the same thing people have on their mouths more or less and nobody is every freaked out by that- the location is different- that's all.

I don't want to upset you or anyone else and even with what I know, I don't know what I would do in your situation. My OH has never even been tested for herpes and I am trying to have him do it but at the same time we are both scared of the potential results.

I am an attorney and I practiced medical malpractice about 8 years ago. We used to handle a lot of herpes litigation- yes, believe it or not there are lots of birth injury herpes cases out there. I am not a doctor and its been years since we did this however- consider the following true story:

My clients were super nice. I forget who had it first but in any case, they both had it by the time the wife got pregnant. She did not have an active outbreak so the doctor told her it was fine to have a vaginal birth. During the birth, an internal fetal monitor was used. Internal monitors cause a tiny break or cut in the skin on the baby's head. During the delivery, the child came into contact with the herpes virus and ended up having herpes on his brain.

I learned that you can pass herpes along even if you don't have an outbreak- yes, its harder to do. Everyone used to think that if you didn't have an outbreak you couldn't get herpes- but even you said, your husband didn't have one and you still contracted herpes from him. This is known as "dry shedding" of the virus. i.e. no blisters but you are still shedding the virus. You can google it.

Also, if you get herpes on your frontal lobe, then you will have MAJOR behavioural issues. When I say major, I mean it. The child in the case above is essentially a little criminal and cannot control himself because of the damage to his frontal lobe. He won't complete school, hold a job etc. The herpes entered his blood stream easily through the cut in his head caused by the monitor. We had other cases of severe mental ******ation, herpes infection of the eye etc. 

Also, bear in mind that you could have an active blister inside you that cannot be seen or detected by anyone. 

My advice is this: relax, have a peaceful birth and have a c-section. C-section births can be beautiful too. Find a doctor who supports your choice. Again, hope I don't offend anyone. I'm not a doctor myself so this is just another opionion. Big smile to you and a hug. Everything will be fine.


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## avidwriter15

First time I ever heard of this I was told my cousin had a c-section because of herpes. She has two healthy children via c-section. I was not even aware it was an option. I was told she was required to have to as to not pass it to the babies.. but I have limited information and experience. Just thought I would pass that on.


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## CharlotteLove

I just wanted to say that you really shouldn't live with the shame of having herpes. Lots of people have it, you don't have to be promiscuous to have it. The thought you that you shouldnt have children if you have it is stupid... Just because someone is a doctor doesn't mean they have any idea what they are talking about!

Personally, if I were you, I would have a vaginal delivery if I wasn't having an outbreak. But that's me. And I would DEFINITELY find another doctor.


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## fizzypop

I'm aiming for a vaginal delivery if there is no outbreak. My ob is aware of it and it says in my notes to not use foetal monitoring via the head (as someone else talks about).

The risks really are minimal. What about all the women who don't even know they have herpes! Xx


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## bubbywings

My goodness who in their right mind would judge you on this? I'm hoping that maybe you can see a different dr. In the office or elsewhere. Best wishes.


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## gk1701

fizzypop said:


> I'm aiming for a vaginal delivery if there is no outbreak. My ob is aware of it and it says in my notes to not use foetal monitoring via the head (as someone else talks about).
> 
> The risks really are minimal. What about all the women who don't even know they have herpes! Xx



You know, I was just thinking about this. My DH has never been tested. I have and I was negative last year but you could sleep with the same person for years before finding out. Seriously considering getting him tested, but so afraid at the same time.


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## Rigi.kun

gk1701 said:


> You know, I was just thinking about this. My DH has never been tested. I have and I was negative last year but you could sleep with the same person for years before finding out. Seriously considering getting him tested, but so afraid at the same time.

I think I might ask my OH to do the same.
I was tested and came back negative last year, but since then I found out that I'm the third partner he's had (first one was an ex girlfriend and the other one was a hooker) and now I'm feeling a little paranoid.


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## UC J

Please like the ladies have said none of this is your fault , you will be an excellent mother and am sure nobody here is going to judge you. Do get another opinion, hopefully from a more understanding human being. I once had a doctor that wanted to do a bone marrow biopsy at 7 months pregnant because I was having constantly low blood count, I have had 3 pregnancies , 2 kids and of course a new doctor since then. Take care


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## fizzypop

gk1701 said:


> fizzypop said:
> 
> 
> I'm aiming for a vaginal delivery if there is no outbreak. My ob is aware of it and it says in my notes to not use foetal monitoring via the head (as someone else talks about).
> 
> The risks really are minimal. What about all the women who don't even know they have herpes! Xx
> 
> 
> 
> You know, I was just thinking about this. My DH has never been tested. I have and I was negative last year but you could sleep with the same person for years before finding out. Seriously considering getting him tested, but so afraid at the same time.Click to expand...


My DH has never been tested. I only knew I had it because I developed the sores. This was years before I met him though.

I just want to stress to anyone with herpes or worried about having it, that it really is not a big deal. Please, please don't feel scared of it. It's only coldsores. As long as you are a bit sensible, I.e. Don't have sex when you have an outbreak, there is no problem. Delivery of a baby will be fine, you just assess the best way for you at the time. Just PLEASE don't feel bad about it. I've had it for years and years and really, it truly makes no impact on my life whatsoever. Sometimes I am a bit sore down there, but it is so insignificant.

:) xx


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## momtake1

Hey Ladies! ONe thing that is great about this post is it really made me realize Im not alone :thumbup:! Thought I would give an updated -- this past week I had my weekly OB but this time it was with an NP whom I really like. After a lot of discussion we are aiming for vaginal. Since I have had the virus for well over a year before I was even pregnant the chances of me invisibly shedding the virus are very very slim. We will be sure to avoid internal fetal monitoring and as of next week Ill be checked vaginally for any signs of the disease. My husband and I will avoid sexual contact just incase he has an outbreak and I will do my very best to avoid unneeded stress. Between her and all of you my fears have really been calmed. I have also asked to not be scheduled with that horrible doctor now Ill just have to cross my figners that she is not the doc on call when I delivery :dohh:! 


Many :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: to all of you for your support. Motherhood isn't easy and its nice to have e-friends like you!!!


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## sunshine20

I freaked out last week thinking I had a cold sore but in reality just bit my lip. Here's what I found out through my research!!
-80% of the population has the virus in their system
-only 10% of those 80% will ever have an outbreak


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## gk1701

momtake1 said:


> Hey Ladies! ONe thing that is great about this post is it really made me realize Im not alone :thumbup:! Thought I would give an updated -- this past week I had my weekly OB but this time it was with an NP whom I really like. After a lot of discussion we are aiming for vaginal. Since I have had the virus for well over a year before I was even pregnant the chances of me invisibly shedding the virus are very very slim. We will be sure to avoid internal fetal monitoring and as of next week Ill be checked vaginally for any signs of the disease. My husband and I will avoid sexual contact just incase he has an outbreak and I will do my very best to avoid unneeded stress. Between her and all of you my fears have really been calmed. I have also asked to not be scheduled with that horrible doctor now Ill just have to cross my figners that she is not the doc on call when I delivery :dohh:!
> 
> 
> Many :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: to all of you for your support. Motherhood isn't easy and its nice to have e-friends like you!!!


Oh good- I'm so very glad you are feeling better.


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## LunaBean

My sister.got it from her OH wen he cheated on her and had both her girls vaginally and both were fine!


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## feeble

My hubby has had ANOTHER outbreak, i havent but i am worried about having sex at all now because he might re-infect me or something... gah


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## pooch

I actually have herpes, too...igot it from a bf who had it in his throat if you can believe that which is why he didnt know and i didnt know. I only had one outbreak and that wad8 yrs ago. My dr is not concerned but may put me on suppression meds when i get closer to delivery which will be vaginal unless something goes wrong. Your doctor sounds incredibly uninformed and unprofessional. I think the benefits of vaginal birth outweigh the probability of you passing it onto your lo as long as you dont have an outbreak at the time, and since youre on meds the chances are low.


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## xSin

momtake1 said:


> Hey Ladies! ONe thing that is great about this post is it really made me realize Im not alone :thumbup:! Thought I would give an updated -- this past week I had my weekly OB but this time it was with an NP whom I really like. After a lot of discussion we are aiming for vaginal. Since I have had the virus for well over a year before I was even pregnant the chances of me invisibly shedding the virus are very very slim. We will be sure to avoid internal fetal monitoring and as of next week Ill be checked vaginally for any signs of the disease. My husband and I will avoid sexual contact just incase he has an outbreak and I will do my very best to avoid unneeded stress. Between her and all of you my fears have really been calmed. I have also asked to not be scheduled with that horrible doctor now Ill just have to cross my figners that she is not the doc on call when I delivery :dohh:!
> 
> 
> Many :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: to all of you for your support. Motherhood isn't easy and its nice to have e-friends like you!!!


Thanks for the update! :)


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## TheNewMrs

Ive just seen this post now and I have to agree with the other ladies. What a wonderful mother you will make. :)


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## sierra_forbes

I'm only 17 first off, so my reply may seem a little un-educated. But i would reccomend a C-Section. A vaganal birth should be safe if you dont have any open sores at the time. But from what i understand of herpies, outbreaks can be triggered by stress (using cold sores for this answer) I immagin that a pregnancy would be rather stress full particularilly durring labor. I don't really know much about this stuff, i'm kinda new to the world of the sexually active and don't know mauch about sex related things other than how to "do it." So, please don't quote me. (back to the subject) A C-section is probably the saftest way to go about the birth of your baby since you never know if you'll have an out break durring your dilivery. 

I'm verry sorry to hear about this, you're in my thoughts :) I wish the best for you and your husband. :)


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## jenniferttc1

This is not your fault and nothing you should be ashamed of. You would be suprised how many people actually have this, or another std that goes unnoticed, since you can only tell when there is an outbreak. Even though I have been married 3 years and have had yearly exams, I know there is always a chance I could have caught something years ago, that just never appeared. But anyways, I think if you do not have an outbreak during labor you can very well have a vaginal birth. I have a friend that has had herpes for about 5-6 years now, and has given birth vaginally for 2 babies now.


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## 17thy

:hugs2: :hug:


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## babybumpbelly

I know a close friend whose first and only partner had infected her with genital herpes. They gave birth to three healthy babies. (and no herpes) The doctor you're speaking to seems really rude and thats weird that he/she said you can pass it to the baby even with a c section. Don't worry, the doctor will not let you give birth to your baby vaginally if you do break out. It's their job to make sure your baby has a safe birth. (especially since its like 10,000 dollars to have them help you with the birth.)


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## kitcat

no judgement here hun - could happen to anyone. Get a second opinion x


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## fairy3853

You sound like you & hubby have a fantastic & very supportive relationship & I think regardles of the ins & outs its fantastic to have that. Dont beat yourself up on whats already done, likewise Hubby as well. Things happen he did not infect you intentionaly and it could quite easily have been a role reversal. What is important is that you both support each other through this and make which ever decision is best for you.

I cant offer any more than that, but on a personal note, if I was in your shoes I would probbably opt for the C-section. Like youv already said, a vaginal birth is better for all concerned but if theres even a 1% chance on infecting your LO, is it worth taking the risk.

Ill definatly be thinking about you this next week so do let us know what you decide, either way it is not an easy decision but which ever rout you decide to go down, im sure it will be the best for all 3 of you xxx


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## feeble

What about the other risks of caesarian!! Let's not pretend this is a risk free procedure or something to be taken lightly! 

Cutting through the muscles in the stomach? Causing possible irreparable damage to the uterus etc!!! 

Caesarian is not a walk in the park, it's quite obvious when a lady is having an outbreak of genital herpes, it's bloody sore, it tingles before the sores break out and you usually get a red line appear up your back a little bit. 

If you had an outbreak when you gave birth (which would be unfortunate and rare) then you could get a caesarian but having one 'just in case' as if it's some sort of healthy option is utter madness!!


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## fizzypop

I tend to agree... I'm aiming for a vaginal delivery either way, because the risks of c-section, which is major surgery after all, is high. I'm seeing my ob before hand anyway to assess, but one has to weigh up all risks involved. But yes, I don't see c-section as a 'safe option' and if I do make the decision to have one it will not be a light decision. Thank you feeble for pointing this out :) xx


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## momtake1

Hello Ladies :flower:...so I am 38 weeks and 3 days today. At last appt I was 90% effaced and 1+cm dilated. My little angels head is to quote the provider I saw that day "so low the next position is OUT!". I am feeling great - did have a bout of what I am calling false labor saturday morning. I am still outbreak free and am planning on a natural delivery unless God has something else intended for me. I have made it a point to NOT see the first doctor that had me all a mess. I still continue to apperciate all of your support in this. It has taken a bad bad spot for me and really made it much much better - you are all the best. I hope this message finds you all healthy and moving along in your pregnancies!!! :hugs:


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## urchin

That doctor needs a kick in the pants! It is a viral infection, not a moral judgement :growlmad:

No one would judge someone for contracting chickenpox, so why on earth should they judge you for getting a different strain of the herpes virus?

big hugs hon xxx


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## feeble

Excited for more updates!! xx


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## QtK8ie

I would get a seconf opinion! 
You're going to be an awesome mother!
I dont think differently or look down on you. 
Keep us updated. Keepy your chin up, girl. None of this is your fault.


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## fairydust1

Though my reply will probably over due, I am posting it anyway just in case there are others who have the similar problem as yours. 
You can transmit herpes to your baby during labor and delivery if you're contagious, or "shedding virus," at that time. The risk of transmission is high if you get herpes for the first time (a primary infection) late in your pregnancy, but guess it's not your case, so you don't have to worry too much.
If you were first infected with genital herpes before your third trimester or before you got pregnant, and you have no symptoms of an outbreak (or an impending outbreak) when your water breaks or your labor starts, you'll be able to labor and try for a vaginal delivery.
To treat the outbreaks, you may be offered antiviral medication (such as HSV-Zero, which is safe for pregnant women) and you may be admitted to hospital if it is very painful or you cannot pass urine.


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## zanders_mommy

well i dont have any std's but i did have a c-section. i was in labor 3 days my epidural had no effect. i dilated to ten an my lil man just would not budge. after 4 hours of attempted pushing i was rushed in for an emergency c-section. everything went smoothly for me an zander. the day he turned 2wks old i was rushed in ambulance to the hospital. i had got an abcess twice the size of a soft ball an it busted an my c-section came open a lil an all the fluids from the abcess gushed out. i had to stay in hospital a wk. i was sent home in a brace with an open c section. the brace was so tight i was bruised on my sides back an tummy. my c section was not completely closed til my son was 4mons old. i got staph in it when he was 3mons...i tell u this so u can use a c section as a last alternative. if the dr says its ok to go vag try it. the dr is not gonna put u or ur child thru a c section unless its needed. weigh the risks an make ur decsion for ur child and u. good luck.


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## feeble

Sorry you went through that ZM :(


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## scotmum35

i hope u get to have a vaginal birth and dont suffer any outbreaks in pregnancy xx wishing u all the best.hugs


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## Mynxie

Huni, to be frank (and I apologise that I haven't read the thread, only most of your 1st post) the woman that you saw was bang out of order!

Your decision to want a c-section, in my honest opinion, is wise - but don't be pressured into either - you have to do what's best for you and baby. Huni, you're doing the same as all of us, - trying to do what's best for your little one. *hugs*


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## istandout82

sorry you are going thru this. I would say c-section if you are worried about it. You have the option of one? right?


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## flower01

id ay the c section idea is not needed but i can understand your concerns.
If your not having an outbreak then its fine! :)
I am in the same boat and I delivered my baby girl vaginally and will do this next one too, unless an outbreak or obviously something medical arises.

BTW do you know how comman this virus is? its very comman these days and as previous posters have said its part of the cold sore virus, its not like its something like Chlamidia! (excuse spelling!)
It just so happens in occurs on your girly bits instead of your mouth, people dont judge a person with a coldsore do they? so they shouldnt with this.

you will be fine, just keep an eye on it
Good luck hunny
xxxxxxx


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## Florance

I'm sorry you are going through this. :hug: There is always some degree of risk associated to every pregnancy / delivery; at the end of the day I think it is important that you choose an option that you are comfortable with so that you know you've done all that you can to deliver a healthy baby. :flower: It must be very stressful for you already to have to go through this, and the last thing you want is to have even more stress! Do your due diligence and read up on all relevant information, and when it is time to make a decision trust yourself that you'd make the best choose for you baby and go with it. :) Good luck!


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## holden_babez

im sorry the first doctor was such a nut
happy u found a better "more compitent" doctor

these things happen and its no-ones fault in your case im just glad you are having the vaginal delivery that you so badly want (like the rest of us)

Best of luck and cannot wait to see piccies of your beautiful bundle of loooove :):)


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## amore

Ok I previously sent the op a private message but seeing how brave ohtre women are I am going to post this so that it hopefully helps someone out.

I have had genital herpes for about 6 years now and have many recurrent outbreaks. I was actually having an ACTIVE outbreak when I gave birth to my son in 2008 vaginally. He was put on antiviral meds for some time after but this was just a precaution. I am pleased to say that he is a healthy and happy little boy and I will aiming for another vaginal delivery this time. If anyone wants to know more details please dont hesitate to pm me.

The Uk medical prof used to recommend a C-section if people had an active outbreak but now only do so if someone has a primary outbreak during pregnancy, or the baby is is a premie, as this is where the primary danger lies. 

For those that contracted herpes prior to pregnancy the baby recieves antibodies from 34 weeks onwards that last until about 3 months afterwards (if my memory serves me correctly) so even if the mum has active lesions the risk of c-section to the mother and baby is greater than the risk of contracting herpes. 

As others have said even if there are no active lesions then you can still shed the virus. However, it is worth noting that of the very small number of babies that catch the virus, many catch it from mothers who are unaware that they have herpes, women that contract it during pregnancy, and from other people that passed it to the baby after birth from herpes types 1. (normally present as facial cold sores).

I really hope the information and my experience will be helpful to someone who is trying to decide what to do. It is so stressful being pregnant with this virus as most medical prof are so clueless about the virus and the most up to date polcies to follow - I had to educate my MW the other day lol. I just hope you all manage to enjoy your pregnancies and have the birth you want. Big hugs Amore xx


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## momtake1

@ amore - thank you! I think sharing does help people - it helped me A LOT!!! soooo........
My angel is here. She came into the world on 2/15 (5 days late). She is perfect and beautiful and even though its only be a little more then a week I don't know how I ever lived without her. She was born vaginally and is completely healthy.

Thank you so much for your support!


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## momtake1

she looks a little cranky here but she really is a great baby - I just love her little bug outfit :)


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## amore

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful little girl momtake1!

I am so pleased that you managed to have a vaginal delivery like you wanted and that you are both doing well xx


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## jessicatunnel

I am so glad everything went well! She is absolutely beautiful! Congrats on your sweet bundle of joy!


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## youngone

Hey there,

Im so glad you had the courage to write about this :D I too have genital herpes and have the same story as you- my partner now is my third ever sexual partner and I have been very careful and never promiscuous either.

I had an extremely traumatic time dealing with this. I had constant outbreaks and had to go on antivirals. At first you take it a lot more seriously then it really is but I do understand why.

When I personally think of being pregnant I don't worry about the pain or vomiting or financial issues- I'm just scared because I know once I'm off my meds and pregnant I will have painful symptoms for 9 months straight because of my bad immune system from having glandular fever for a year. So I share your worries. I can't imagine how much easier pregnancy is for people without it. BUT...

I wanted to tell you that so many people are in your situation. 1 in 4 people have herpes but 80% never find out- infact chances are that the people that judge you probably also have it. So hows that for irony :)

You don't need to worry about vaginal delivery as much- although I understand why- because if you are shedding the virus unknowingly and the baby comes in contact with it- he/she has got antibodies to stop the virus passing on. (the anti bodies he/she got from you) and there is still a low chance of it passing on.

I completely understand why you would worry- it is a personal choice. personally it makes me so angry to hear about how the doctor treated you- that is extremely unprofessional and rediculous. what like we aren't supposed to have babies because of this? literally MILLIONS of people have herpes, are millions supposed to go childless? outrageous. 

Anyway sorry for ranting- I just completely understand your feelings :) I'm here for you :hugs:


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## youngone

SORRY! just saw I'm too late for advice haha. congrats!!!!!


(still working out how to use this site :) )


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## Dk1234

My BFF had this problem. She gave birth vaginally and the Dr. Said this is fine as long as there was no active out real.


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## frenchmomma

I had been reading this thread from afar but had no advice to offer. Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful daughter! I'm pleased it went down as you wanted and I too love the outfit...:flower:


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## Florance

Congrats!! :) Your baby is lovely!


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## punkrockmama

This could happen to ANYONE...even with one partner and you have no need to feel ashamed...do not see the doctor again, they have no right to make you feel like that....you sound like an awesome wife and a soon to be awesome mom! Take the other girls advice...if there's an outbreak...I think a c-section would work best. All the best to you and your new family!


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