# Anyone know anything about a step parent applying for PR or adoption?



## baileybubs

Hello

Not sure if this is the right place on the forum. I was a single mum and now myself and my new husband raise my 2 children together.
He has been raising them as his own for 2 and a half years with me and their biological father has very little to do with them (not even heard from him since Christmas and he hasn't seen them since the Christmas before in 2015, before that it was February 2015). 

Basically we would like my husband who is essentially their dad to have parental responsibility as he often takes them to the doctors, picks them up from nursery, cares for them whilst I work etc. I would also like to know that if anything happened to me that they would be allowed to stay living with the man who is their dad and has raised them rather than then be put in the care of a man who is a stranger and often is too busy to even ask how they are.

We are looking into a residence order which gives my DH rights of PR and outlines that they are to reside with us until they are 18. This doesn't take away bio fathers PR and rights, just allows for DH to have rights and be recognised as one of their main carers. We are also having our first child together so would like to know if I died my children would not be separated.
Another option is a PR order which is slightly different and more permanent than a residence order.
Both of these orders require consent from anyone who has PR.
I have tried contacting bio father on several occasions to discuss this and he is just ignoring me so I'm starting to feel like our only option may be to go for adoption orders instead which we would not need his consent for but the court would contact him in order to decide what is best for the children.

Does anyone have any experience of any of this? I don't want to take away his rights but he is an absent father and as far as everyone is concerned my DH is their dad so I feel this needs to be recognised legally. I'm under the impression that even if I put it in my will that I want DH to be their legal guardian that still would not occur if bio father is still alive and decisions about them would all come down to bio father despite what my will would say. 

Anyone got any experience or ideas? Do we have no choice but to go for adoption orders seen as he is refusing to respond or discuss this?


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## Sarahcake

I'm following this If you don't mind. 

My son's father legally is not allowed to have my son with him, he's not allowed unsupervised contact and tbh he doesn't bother anyway. My partner has been around my son since he was 1 (nearly 5 now) and really is dad. 

The current state of things means that if something were to happen to me, my son wouldn't be able to live with step dad and our incoming child and he wouldn't be able to live with his dad. My parents arnt alive anymore. So there is nowhere but care for my son. 

I've been wanting to get my partner legalised in some sense for a while now. But unsure how to go about it. 

Hopefully someone knows about this kind of thing and can help you x


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## baileybubs

I've googled loads of stuff about it sarahcake and it doesn't really make anything clear about what to do when you don't have consent.

It's so hard to know what to do isn't it? I doubt my ex would want the kids if anything happened to me because they would be too much of an inconvenience to his lifestyle but even so I hate to think that if I died he would be the only person legally allowed to make all decisions about my children who he barely knows and doesn't even see. 

I'm trying to do everything right by trying to get his input and consent etc but what is a person supposed to do when he just ignores me anyway? He hasn't even asked how the kids are in over 6 months so it seems ridiculous that he has so much influence over things. 

I can't even seem to find out how much all of this would cost as I know legal aid doesn't extend to family law any more, but we will pay anything we need to so that we know our children's future is secure should something happen. 

Would you be looking at adoption or something less permanent like a residence order or parental responsibility order?


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## Sarahcake

baileybubs said:


> I've googled loads of stuff about it sarahcake and it doesn't really make anything clear about what to do when you don't have consent.
> 
> It's so hard to know what to do isn't it? I doubt my ex would want the kids if anything happened to me because they would be too much of an inconvenience to his lifestyle but even so I hate to think that if I died he would be the only person legally allowed to make all decisions about my children who he barely knows and doesn't even see.
> 
> I'm trying to do everything right by trying to get his input and consent etc but what is a person supposed to do when he just ignores me anyway? He hasn't even asked how the kids are in over 6 months so it seems ridiculous that he has so much influence over things.
> 
> I can't even seem to find out how much all of this would cost as I know legal aid doesn't extend to family law any more, but we will pay anything we need to so that we know our children's future is secure should something happen.
> 
> Would you be looking at adoption or something less permanent like a residence order or parental responsibility order?

It's scary isn't it. The father of my son is allowed no say at all which is good... But nobody else can either, including my partner, which is bad. 

I've heard of a parental responsibility order but I don't know much about them. I think I may shoot my solicitor an email and ask what she would reccomend doing and how much these things cost. 

If I hear anything I'll pass it on to you :)


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## baileybubs

Thanks Hun.

From what I've read a parental responsibility order is fairly simple if you are the only person who has PR already as you just need to apply to the court for your DH to get PR too with your permission. In my case ex has PR so all the info I can get is that I can still apply to the court without consent but as far as I can tell they don't usually grant it if both parents with PR don't consent.


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## Twag

Hi I don't know the answer I just wanted to say that my bio-dad left when I was born and my Dad married my Mum when I was 4 and he adopted me (they had no way to contact bio-dad and tbh he didn't care anyway) I am now 37 and not once had contact with my bio-dad but this was the only way they could do it to make sure if anything happened to my mum I was able to stay with my dad and my siblings

Anyway basically I wanted to say good luck to you both :flower: I hope it all works out


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## baileybubs

Thanks Hun, I'm sorry you never had any contact from your bio dad but glad you had your Dad in your life like my kids do.

Our main problem is that we still do have very vague and infrequent contact from their bio dad. If we apply directly for an adoption order the court will want to know why it's in the kids best interests for their bio dad not to have PR and besides being absent with the odd text now and again there's no other reason so they may not grant it. Saying that if he will not respond to our requests for another order that allows him to keep PR we will have no choice but to apply for adoption orders.

I think at least if I am giving him a chance to express his opinions on it and he is not responding then that may go in our favour if we then do apply for an adoption order.


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