# Not finding out... Terrified I'll be dissapointed.



## Katiie

Me and my partner aren't finding out the sex of our second baby. 
We already have a perfect son. This time I'm dying for a girl.

I know people say after a loss, (this will be my rainbow), you should be grateful for any baby no matter what. But I'm having trouble trying to shake it off. 
all I can think of is if I am having a girl or not. 

I look at all the girls clothing. 
My first thought was girl. 
My scan photos are so different compared. 
I'm carrying different. 
My Symptoms are different. 
I saw nothing between her legs at the 12 week scan.... But it was a quick glance. 
It feels wrong calling her, him. 

Last pregnancy we were saying him all the time, we didn't know and stayed yellow. 

But I've had dreams about having boys, 9 to be precise, and only 1 dream of having a girl (to which I gave birth to boy triplets first!!)
I think that's because it's all I know, but part of me thinks it's my body trying to tell me it is a boy. 
I dreamt we found out it was a boy at he scan and I was dissapointed. 

I've tried looking at boy clothes, but can't help how much cuter girls are. 
We can't 100% agree on a boys name either. 
When people say they think I'm having. Boy I get really defensive. I refuse to believe it. 

I'm just so terrified I'll be disappointed. 
Does anyone have any advice?!

Here's my scans btw. 
Baby number 2 is bottom. 
My son is top. 
https://i829.photobucket.com/albums/zz218/Pimgu/null-48.jpg
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## Misscalais

I was a little disappointed when I found out DS2 was another boy. ( we didn't find out with 1st DS ) as I too wanted a little girl. It wasn't the fact that I was having another boy, just the fact it wasn't what I thought I was having. I would have been more disappointed at birth if I hadn't of found out, knowing gave me 20 weeks to bond with him and i was really excited to meet my new son and see if he was going to be similar to DS1 or not.
Hope you get your girl.
I'm also having a rainbow baby and thinking the same thing that I want a girl. But really after what I've been through I just want my baby to be healthy. Would I be disappointed if I were to hear boy again, yes but happy as long as baby is doing well and healthy.


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## Paperhearts

I agree with pp. Taking the time to adjust would be a huge benefit. 

Also, with my boys, pregnancy was always super easy. It was much harder with my girls. The last two pregnancies were the same. One rough, this one awful...both boys! I was sure these last two were girls but little fellas fooled me.

If you're that terrified I definitely wouldn't wait until the birth. If you can come to terms with it before hand and bond with your baby I think it'd help. Good luck!


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## Katiie

I think after having my dream about finding out at the hospital and it was a boy, and feeling dissapointed. 
I think it was more being dissapointed about finding out. 

It's difficult :( I don't want to find out. It at the same time I do.


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## Misscalais

Maybe have the person that scans you to write it down for you and put it in a sealed envelope. That way if you do decide you you can't handle not knowing you can find out?


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## Katiie

That's what I was thinking about doing, But I really don't want the temptation. Lol. We are having a growth scan December 19th. If I still feel unsure then I can find out there I guess..

I was in tears about it last night and tried to explain to my partner how I feel but he just called me selfish and said I shouldn't care :(


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## MrsM17

We wont be finding out number 2 either when we get pregnant. Thats sad your hubby does not understand mine is being v v supportive and going along with my sway.

I think it'll be better at the birth to find out for me, I will feel that rush of love and love my boy no 2 if thats what it will be.

xxx


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## onceisenough1

Good luck. I was on pins and needles about finding out this time around. Even on the way there, I wasn't sure what to do. I was nervous and upset the whole time. 

FOr me I decided to find out because I think the stress of birth and all the emotions plus GD would be way too much for me. I wish you comfort in whatever you decide.


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## Pearls18

I wish we hadn't found out, I always thought I needed the time to adjust but tbh I feel detached from the pregnancy and nothing but guilt as a result, for me I think it would have been better to have waited because although I know the "gush of love" isn't as straight forward as people make out I think finding out with him in front of me would have been easier than this phase of almost being in denial.


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## Eleanor ace

I was exactly the same as you the second time. I have a DS who is amazing and perfect. But I so longed for a girl. We didn't find out, I knew that for me it would be better finding out at birth as once LO was here if he was a boy I'd just be overwhelmed with love for him and that would out weigh the GD, that it would be a lot easier to deal with with a lovely little baby in my arms. 
We had a girl and the feeling when I saw she was a girl was indescribable, so on that front it was amazing having waited till birth too.


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## Katiie

So a little update -

Had my scan. Baby flashed us straight up straight away with no choice! However we asked not to find out. I always have my growth scan in December to ask...

But I saw no winkle. But the scan over the potty shot was quick and no detailed so I have to keep telling myself it could have been hiding. 
All we saw were the 2 legs, nothing sticking out in between and 3 horizontal lines. Still not sticking out. 

Now I don't want to get my hopes up!!!
I literally have to keep telling myself it wasn't detailed. a willy could have been hiding. 

I don't regret not asking. But now I am more scared that I'll either be
1. Even more disappointed that I'm wrong
Or
2. so over whelmed because I've been wrong !!

I'm hoping they will let us have a sneaky peak in December.

https://i829.photobucket.com/albums/zz218/Pimgu/image-5.jpg


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## Misscalais

I think bubby looks quite girly :) fingers crossed.
I'm still not sure if ill find out, I'm only 7 weeks so still a long way away but I can't stop thinking in my head 'please be a girl' I feel terrible thinking about it all the time. I've picked a name for her and everything. On one hand I want to find out so I can bond with a little boy if that's what baby is but I don't want to feel that disappoint :( but I also don't want to be disappointed once I give birth should baby come out with a willy, lol it's a tough decision.


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## Katiie

My reasons behind not knowing are-
I want that instant flow of love when my partner tells me. 

I personally think ill struggle to bond with bump knowing it was a boy. 

But that's just me. 
I loved how our birth went last time. we both secretly wanted a girl but when a boy came out we were so pleased and thrilled. The instant love the second I felt the warmth of him on my belly... It was all just perfect. I want that feeling again. 

I'm not gonna lie I'll be more thrilled if it's a girl, and probably burst into tears but if it's a boy I'll still get that surge!


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## onceisenough1

Looks girly to me. Good luck


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