# Soliciters letters/mediation/court fathers rights...my story*long one*



## Amy-Lea

Right so I was 17, just had a breakdown & recently got out of hospital for ODing (silly I know, but I have my reasons) I was at a bad time and on my first day out i went to meet my mate and her bf and his mate sin a local carvery. So there he was, a 25 year old Man who I could tell was instantly attracted to me. We must of only said 3 words, before I said I was leaving to go to my local pub with my mum, within 5 minutes i had a phone call, he had gotten hold of my number and asked if I wanted to go out the next night. 

After a few dates I slept with him. So anyway 10 days later unbeknown to me I had fallen pregnant, teh first time we had slept together. Anyway after about 2 weeks I decided He defo wasnt for me, also the fact that my mum had banned me from seeing him in the first place because she knew him before I did, so bear n mind all this has been in secret. So first date July 13th, next thing I no 12th August, I was lying on the couch, I hadnt even missed a period yet but I just said to myself, Im pregnant, I just felt it. I told him in a jokingly way. Anyway later that night i go to his to tell him were neevr gonna work as we are two different people when he says before I even get a chance, i have pregnancy tests in the boot :huh:weird but I went to the bathroom and voila a :bfp: I actually smiled before going in and telling him. I was over the moon, but instantly my world crashed down, I had gotten pregnant to some one i had known less than a month, i didnt like him, nor did my mum. 

CUT A VERY LONG STORY SHORTER i told mum and she was amazingly supportive. I stayed with him for 3 months hoping as our love grew for the baby I would begin to fall for him. At my dating scan, we both saw the baby, it was the happiest time of my life, however I had a booking apt after it were they needed to take bloods, i have a phobia of viens so asked if he would wait outside as I would be causing a fuss. hE SAID OKAY. Anyway after the apt I come outside to the waiting room were he stood up threw my baby scan at me raved his hands in the air and shouted threw gritted teeth 'i shoulda been in there its my baby too imagine what me mum will say when she finds out you never let me in the scan' WTF just happened, he was holding my hand throughout the scan. So anyway I leave him the following week. He turns very nasty and tells my mum I am a lesbian and addicted to porn (yes guys this is a 25 year old man) of course my mum just laughed at him. 

Next thing, at 13 weeks I got told I had a misscarriage and had to go bk a few days later, I was devostated however a little glad that I would have no part of him ever again. I rang him up to tell him to which I got 'what do u want me to do about it' this is coming from the person who everyone thought would be the most amazing caring father in the world. Next day I had to go back to the hospital for what I was expecting to get 'cleaned out' but there it was my baby girl still fighting fit. so anyway yeh pregnancy back on.

Alot of things happened throughout the next few months he got far to many people involved, i had people telling me about how bad i was for not letting him see the baby when it was born, which i had never said. seriously loads happened but from 13 wks I never actually spoke directly to him, until 6 weeks before the birth i got a call.

'Aim, i think we better start thinking aboutnames, oh and your new boyfriend best stay away from the ospital, the baby has a dad and thats me'
to which i replied i had the names for my baby i didnt think paul was interested as he hadnt gotin touch for so long, but iw as till open to the fact that i wanted hallie to see her father.

On my 18th birthday i give birth to my baby girl, i text him her weight and name and time of birth to which i got this back 'Hollie, don't you mean'
No i mean fucking Hallie! :hissy:So he comes up later that day (out of respect which he doesnt even deserve i send my bf down stairs) he is in the room i went, trying to be civil 'she looks like your grace' (his neice) he went does she I went yeh come and have a look and a hold 'no i shouldnt be out of bed, i have a bad lung' which was funni seen as i saw him running in tescos at 7am on my way to the hospital! i said okay then come n touch her or something take a picture 'I gotta go, give me a call when yu get out of hospital' :|

Next thing when she is 2 and a half months I hear the first contact a solicitors letter saying he would like to see Hallie 10am to 6pm every saturday starting asap :| is he for real. My mum doesnt even mind her for that long and she lives with us! My theory was that he doesnt deserve her if he waited so long, and i know he will get to see my baby girl anyway in the end, so am i wrong for wanting him to pay all the court fees and go threw court and then in the end just say yeah u can see her. I know he will get to see her i just think h needs to be messed around abit too. I never replied to the soliciters letter coz it said if you dont reply by x date you will be going to court, however know i got a letter for mediation then a phone call of his mum saying we need to sort things out, i said oh why cant he afford court, why was he sending me threatening me with court then? to scare me into giving him rights? now he wants parental responsibilty and wants to choose her religion, what school she goes to and wether she can go on holiday without his permission :|
why should he choose her schools if its not convinient for me to take her there.

I am in such a pickle and i know that was long winded but what do you think any advice is grateful.


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## Amy-Lea

severe case of read and run, i new i went on too much :(


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## welshcakes79

:hugs:

my cousin has been through something similar, her ex wasnt on birth certificate and it ended up going to court with DNA's but its backfired on him and now he has to pay maintenence and the cost of the tests but doesnt get to see his LO for as long as yours wants too...

have to nip out but can look on citizens advice website/csa website/solicitors websites when i come back on tonight if you want...

sorry dont have any constructive advice but your being a fab mum to hallie (he's tit for even thinking it was hollie!!!) xxx


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## nikky0907

Well,he isn't on the birth certificate right?

So at this moment he has no parental rights? 
Maybe it's better hun for him to simply confirm paternity and get on the birth certificate and then for you two to make some kind of arrangement for his visitation rights? 
Cause if the whole thing goes to court his lawyers can start picking on your past(you said you had some problems before getting pregnant),he end up with more visitation rights than you want.

So maybe aprivate arrangement between you two would be a better solution?
As for the parental rights he gets...well,if he goes on the birth certificate he automaticly gets a say in all this.
You can't make a passport for Hallie if he doesn't sign it,you can't enroll her in a school if he doesn't sign it....but as for choosing religion thats something that he cannot control.You can raise her in a way that you want.

Also,if he gets visitation rights,you can also claim child support from him...so,that will backfire on him,once he has to pay a huge chunk of his salary to you! :)

:hugs:


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## StirCrazy

Same as welshcakes and Nikky said. If he isn't on the birth certificate then he has no rights and he will have to get a court to order a DNA test before he is allowed access. Either way make sure that you let him know that if he pursues it you'll be claiming 15% of everything he earns (https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp)... that's a surefire way to find out where his priorities lie (or if he is just playing silly buggers).


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## Amy-Lea

He isnt on the birth certificate and a private arrangement isnt an option, the man despises me, his family and friends snarl me on the streets, on 2 occasions the baby has been in the car and his brother and 2 friends iin a car was driving dead close tryna scare me and speeding up and slowing down when i did. His brother also sped up as i was crossing the road, his friend was giving me grief in the bank. He is making my life hell.
I sometimes think it would be better if he just was in some freak accident. I know for a FACT because of things hese doen in the past and hese a bit twisted he would say stuff to Hallie like I wouldnt let him see her and say bad stuff against me. When the truth is i always wanted him to see hallie, it was when he waited til she was 2 and a half months to get intouch that i thurt right thats it u wana go thru solicitors we will go threw soliciters. Im in two minds as to what to do.


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## brownhairedmom

Well, lets just say that if it does go to court, it isn't going to look very good that he waited 2 1/2 months. A judge is probably going to just say where was he the first 2 1/2 months?


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## welshcakes79

spoken to my friend who has been going through something similar for last 3 years, when she told ex she was preganant he said baby or me.. she choose baby, but then he was harassing her thro her pregnancy and even getting his female workmates to ring the midwife to say they were her and that "she'd" forgotten what time she was suppossed to be there.. he only tried that once and the midwife answered the phone whilst my friend was sitting there.. he was doing it to make sure she wasnt lying about being pregnant and that she really did have MW appointment...
then she heard nothing for 2 years but everytime she went out he would approach her in the street and threaten her without even looking in the pram at his little girl.. she even had to go to hospital because he grabbed her and bent her thumb right back to touch the back of her hand!!!
when her LO was 2 she had a letter to attend court and on that hearing they were suppossed to sit down arrange DNA and what to do if it came back DNA was right (he was denying being the dad making out she was sleeping around, and she was saying he was) well turned out she was right so he had to pay £350 for 3 DNA's back pay maintenence but the judge also awarded him 2hrs visitation righs without the mum every sunday... even though they my friends had hospital notes stating his violence towards her, his lack of interest for 2 years plus his slandering of her arounf the village..
not trying to upset you un, but just letting you know what worse case scenario could end up :hugs:

sorry its so long, but i will pop onto other websites now about this and post if i ifnd anything relevent
:hugs: x


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## Younglutonmum

I've always been under the impression that even if the dad is violent, abusive etc if it goes to court & proved he is the dad he will get some sort of access

It would be supervised of course. Possibly in one of them access centres

I don't think it matters if he's ignored the LO for however long


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## xarlenex

You said you want hallie to know that you did want her to see her dad, keep all the documents..thats what my mum done. So that, any questions I had could be answered without doubt of who was telling the truth. As for the custody, you will probably find he will use the Oding thing against you. I cant really offer any more advice, just wanted to wish you luck with it all x :hugs:


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## maddiwatts19

To be honest hun,i really dont have a clue!!

But he sounds like a twat to be honest!! 
i have a feeling he'll just let Hallie down tbh..
And, at the end of the day, if you do all you can for him to see her, and then he lets her down, he has no-one to blame but himself!!
Hallie will see in the future what a waste of space he is..

Yeah ok,he may have provided the sperm, but is his behaviour really that of a father?? NO!!

He just seems like an immature boy who wants something he cant have..

Hope it all works out sweetie!
xx


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## jenny873

my mate was in same situation! sounds terrible but tell the courts he was violent to you and you would really REALLY like your daughter to cond and get to know her father but you are scared for her safety with his unpredictable mood swings and outbursts. you would like supervised visits by an somebody independent (some1 who isnt on ur side or his and maybe doesnt even know either of you). it works if ur willing on saying it, sounds steep and maybe a little harsh to some people but when you think about it if he got what he wanted your daughters gonna be looking at him thinking who the fuck are you kinda thing, and your new bf sounds like hes more of a father figure. he sounds like 1 of them men who would plan to snatch the baby n move to spain or something! xxx hope ur ok luv!!! xxx


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## Amy-Lea

I'm not a lying person so I couldn't say he was violent.
As for letting Hallie down I believe he would never let her 
down, he does every thing to look good. He just couldnt take the fact that 
I couldn't love him so I took away his image of his first child in a little house with wifey a dog and nice lil pickett fence, thats when he turned nasty.However he knows he couldnt hurt me pyhsiclly because all of my family would kill him and he knows that.

The thing is thats has annoyed me is his mum. If i knew I had a grandaughter I would be beating my door down tryna get to her. She has neverr seen her. She rang on Monday night but she rang my mum to see if she could see Hallie, whats it got to do with my mum? The thing that annoys me though is i found out yesterday that there close family friend delivered a still born due to substance abuse on Monday night. It angers me that it took a baby to die to guilt her into wanting to see her grandchild!!


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## jenny873

whatever happens shes your little girl and you will always have a closer bond with her, even if he got the whole weekend with her you sound like a boss mum n u obviously care alot about ur baby. let him go through the courts and atleast then they decide and he cant blame you. xxx


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## Amy-Lea

Thanks guysss


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## Becky

Only just seen this!! and big hugs for you!!

If it is going to go to court i would now start making a note of events that happen with the time and date just so you can back your story up so instead of saying his mate shouted at me in the street you can give them exact details of what happened!!

Apart from that im not 100% on what can and cant happen as i have never been in the situation myself!! If your worried for your daughters safety you need to validate why to the courts!! all i can say is my fingers are crossed for you and i hope everything goes well!!

x


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## maybebaby

Don't really have any advice... but :hugs: for you!!


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## missjess

I hope things get better hun. She is YOUR little girl, you are her mother and you have lots of rights. If you don't want him into her life, it is your decision. As for the things he did to scare you etc, I would give a call to the police and tell them the story, maybe you can get a restraining order on him and his mate or something. xxxx:hugs: Be strong.xx


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## wantababybump

Just read this now :hugs: sorry you have to go through all this crap you dont deserve it, and he doesnt sound like he deserves to see your little girl! Hope things get better for you :hug: xo


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