# Lost my baby at 21 weeks pregnant



## Mrs.tlb

Hi everyone. I am a new member, and on Friday, November 13th 2009, my husband and I lost our baby girl. This is my story. On 11/02/09 I went to my Dr.'s appt. They checked the baby's heartbeat and it was fine, before I left, I told the Dr. that I was having a gel-like discharge, and he said let me check you to make sure your cervix is not thinning. He checked and he said that it wasn't thinning, I had a yeast infection. So he prescribed some medication for me and that was that. The next day I had a exercise class for school, and i made sure that I was not hurting the baby or myself, some exercises I didn't do. Later in the week I noticed I was feeling pressure at the bottom of my stomach, maybe around the 5th of November. Then on the 9th of November I noticed I was having water squirts. If I would cough,sneeze or move a certain way I would feel the squirts. So on Tuesday November 10th I called the Dr's office, and I said I need to make an appt. The receptioist said I have a 10:30 Friday the 13th available. I said I'll take it. I told her then asked her about the water squirts. She said wait a minute let me put you on with the nurse, they may want you to come in sooner. I told the nurse the problem. She asked me was I sure it wasn't urine, I told her no that it was clear and it didn't have a smell. She asked me was it wetting my panties. I said no, I just wipe it out, it doesn't come out. She told me I should be fine, but if I feel like I need to go to the emergency room just go. Now I had a miscarriage before and I was only 1 month. This was my second pregnancy and I didn't know what to expect. The nurse didn't make it seem like I had to worry. November 12th, 2009- later in the evening I didn't feel to good, I was uncomfortable, but not in any pain. That night I tossed and turned til the morning. Friday the 13th, I woke up and felt very uncomfortable. It was around 7am. I laid in the bed and moved around until the pain would leave, and it would for a while, and it would start up again. So I got out of bed and I took a shower and the pain got worse. I got out and told my husband, I need to go to the emergency room. I started putting my clothes on, and I noticed the pain was even worse, that's when I realized that this must be contractions. I thought it was really bad gas at first. So I told my husband to hurry up, and I went outside by the car and I started throwing up clear fluid, and a second after my water broke. Tears started flowing down my face, because I knew that this was not good. (Those squirts I was having after researching on the internet was a whole in my amniotic sac.) So we got to the hospital and I delivered a baby girl. The Doctor on site who helped deliver my daughter said, "I'm sorry but she's not going to make it. I'm so sorry". Tears just streamed down my face. I didn't know the sex of the baby previously. She came out alive, breathing, and heart beating. My husband finally came in the room after parking the car, and I told him "she's not going to make it." The doctor told me her lungs were not developed enough and she still had the slits in her eyes. Tears rolled down his face. All we could do is hold our baby. We watched her heart beat, examined her features and we just cried, knowing that she was not going to be with us long. I delivered her around 8:55 am. My doctor's appointment was at 10:30 am the same day I had her. I didn't know what to expect being that far along, and I wish so bad that when I spoke to that nurse that she would have told me to go to the emergency room then, maybe I would still be pregnant so sh could develop more. She passed in my husbands arms. I kept my baby for most of the day. We took pictures of her and continued to hold her. Around 5:45pm I told my husband that he could tell the nurse that they could take the baby. He said his goodbyes. When he left the room to get the nurse, I kissed her and left my tears on her face. The nurse came and took the baby, and we just cried. I feel so empty inside, and I miss my baby so much. The nurse gave me the blanket she was in and she did hand and footprints for us. Everything went so fast, and the pain I feel is unexplainable. I have cried every single day since I lost her. Some people try to comfort you, and they don't realize that what they're saying is very offensive. Things like "Oh you'll have another baby," or "Girl you're fertile right now so try it again as soon as the doctor says you can." No matter how many babies I might be able to have, I'll neve have her in this lifetime. And a far as trying again I am fearful and I am still grieving. At the hospital they didn't do a birth certificate, because I was only 21 weeks. At the hospital I didn't name her. When I got home I said her name is Kennedy, because if I had a girl that would be her name. I sleep with the blanket she was in from the hospital, and I write letters to her everyday. Kennedy will forever be in my heart, always. Sorry so lenghthy.


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## Zarababy1

So sorry for your loss Hun xx


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## lolly25

so sorry for you loss :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## shocker

Im so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl kennedy :hugs: Im sure she was beautiful and perfect in every way xx


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## Chilli

Oh honey this story is so sad and I cried for you as I read it. It sounds like you and your OH are a lovely couple and no-one ever deserves this.:nope: There's nothing I can say to make it better for you right now, but I understand how you feel and how the tears keep flowing. When you're ready they will stop and you will always have that beautiful little girls in your heart:hugs:


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## ChloesMummy

:hugs::hugs: x


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## sk100

So very sorry for your loss and for what you went through. I lost my daughter shortly after birth following a straightforward pregnancy. I just also had an early MC. You will receive a lot of support on here but I think there are women who have been through a similar experience on the stillbirth/sids/neonatal loss thread. You must have felt so very helpless holding your baby. The line that doctors draw regarding when to save/not save a baby is very harsh to accept, especially when it is your own fully-formed baby. I really feel for you and wish I had something more to say. You just have to work through your feelings a day at a time. Sadly we can't fight time and have to bear with it. It will get better but it won't feel like it right now. I wish you and your OH peace in the days ahead. xxx


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## Mrs.tlb

sk100 thank you for your kind words.


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## Mrs.tlb

Chilli, thank you for understanding.


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## Mrs.tlb

Shocker thank you for responding.


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## sarah0108

i am so sorry for your loss hun :hugs: i have tears in my eyes just reading that, cant imagine what your going through..

RIP beautiful girl Kennedy x


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## Widger

I am so sorry to hear your story. 

I hope that coming on to this site will help you in the times ahead to find some comfort from women that have been through similar experiences to yourself. This site is fantastic for helping with that. As mentioned above, you will get lots of support on here and on the stillborn/neonatal thread.

My thoughts are with you and your husband xxx


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## KA92

i cried as i read this...you and your husband dont deserve that...no one does...like others have said im sure she was perfect and beautiful and knew that you and your husband loved her very much

im so sorry :(:hug:


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## hayley x

I am so sorry to read your story. I completely understand the trying again comments, as soon as my son died all people would say is, ah well you're young you can try again or better luck next time!! But exactly like you said, yes we can have another baby (hopefully) but that baby wont be the one we lost, its not like we tell them to choose one of their children to live without :cry:

I will be thinking of you, if theres anything you need just message me :hugs: 

xxx


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## honey08

:hugs::hugs: so sry ur going thro this :cry:


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## BeanieBaby

I am so very sorry for your loss, your story is so sad, almost reduced me, and my husband to tears! I don't think I have the right words, even though i'm going through a miscarraige myself at the moment, I will just say that I am very sorry that you lost your baby girl, she sounded really beautiful and i'm glad if anything you got to spend some time with her before you had a let her go. My thoughts are with you and your husband. xxx


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## cazza22

My thoughts are with you & your DH & ur angel Kennedy (gorgeous name) mrs tlb. I cant imagine what you are going through. I just want you to know we are all here for you if you need to release some anger, pain or just need a shoulder to cry on. It must be so hard for u both i have just read ur story with tears rolling down my face. Im sending huge bear hugs to you huny x x x lov Caz x x x


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## Ivoryapril

I'm so sorry to read your story. God bless you both and your darling little girl xx


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## Samemka

I am so so sorry for your loss. All my love x x x x


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## 2016

Gosh. I read this and just cried and cried for you. Thank you for sharing this because I am sure it will help others heal their heartache knowing they are not alone...I hope you find your peace one day. I think Kennedy is a very special and wonderful name. :hugs:


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## fluffyblue

Hunni i read that with tears in my eyes, im so sorry xxxxxxxxxx


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## firstLO

So sorry to hear you have lost your baby girl. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your OH must be going through. My thoughts are with you. :hug:


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## Snowball

I'm so sorry:hugs: We lost our son at 21 weeks last year, if you ever need to talk just pm me:hugs:


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## Jolene

:hug:


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## babyell

Hun I am sorry for your your loss, I dont really know what to say in words of comfort having only just gone throught it myself. Hope all our angel babies are playing happily together waiting for us to meet them again. Big :hugs: to your family x x


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## JenniferLizzy

I am so sorry for your loss and you are so brave to have written this. I hope it has helped you to write it and see how much support you have. I wish you all the very best for the future and hope that you can feel better. xx


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## SadMummy

I am soooo sorry for your loss. I am crying for you as I type this. Nobody deserves this to happen to them. Kennedy is such a beautiful name and she will be in your hearts forever. Nobody can take that from you.


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## Drazic<3

My thoughts and love are with you, I am so very sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## krockwell

so sorry for your loss hun. :hugs: 
Please take comfort in those of us around you on this site. We're definately all here for you.


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## pea-in-pod

Dear Mrs tlb,
I am so sorry for your tragic loss. I cried as I read your story. You will never forget your baby girl, and she will always be your child no matter what. It is difficult for people who have not been through something like this to ever understand. But we understand you my love, we know this was your child, and you will hold her forever in your heart. Your grief may last a long time, and I just pray that at some point you have peace and the pain will subside a little, so that you can treasure your precious memories.
Thank-you for sharing your story with us,
We are all thinking of you,

xoxo
Pea


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## DonnaDoodles

I am so sorry for your loss :cry:

Your story sounds a little like mine. I was 25 weeks pregnant and although I wasnt loosing water like you, I did go into prem labour for no known reason and like you...it all happened so fast for us too. I know how you are feeling and my heart breaks for you :hugs2:

If you ever need to talk then please feel free to get in touch x x x


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## jellybellys

I am so very sorry for your loss :( I too lost a baby at 21weeks, a beautiful daughter, very simelar to how you lost your precious little girl. It's so painful and horrible and it took me ages to face anyone especially pregnant women and babies. That was my 2nd loss after 20 weeks, I lost another baby girl at 23 weeks to a rare condition. I had to wait 3 months for test results and still wasn't sure what happened. I later had another baby (I was desperate to try again, could never replace her ever but I felt so empty and needed some hope) and was watched very closely, I was diagnosed with Incompetent cervix at 21 weeks at a scan and given a stitch. Luckily it worked but we will always be sad for and miss my little girl daily. Thinking of you and hoping your days are more gentle soon xx


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## Mrs.tlb

Thank you so much DonnaDoodles. I would like to get in touch with you. How do I do so? How soon did you try after your loss?


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## ~curiosity~

Aw hun I only just saw your full story it made me fill up I am so sad and sorry for you. Please take care of yourself it sounds as though your little one was beautiful. RIP little Kennedy xxx


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## diane60f

My heart hurts for you and your husband God bless you and your angel.


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## chachadada

Omg, that is such a sad story, i'm so sad for you, i cried the whole way through reading that it really melted my hart huni, sending you hugs and support!

I lost my baby i found out at my 12 week scan :cry::cry:, I had a scan at 7 weeks cause i passed a small clot and had light spotting, but the scan showed my beans hart beating away :thumbup::thumbup: i believed everything was fine after that i was very positive, my hubby wasnt there for that scan as he was stuck at wrk so we was both really excited to go to the scan to see our baby together, only to be greeted my a real nasty lady doing the scan she first moaned at me for not drinking enough fluids when i drank nearly a liter of water that morning and that was hard considering my app was at 8am, anyways she said so coldly, your baby is not moving and theres no hart beat, t died at around 9 1/2 wks. i just cried and cried actually we both cried, im very lucky to have such a good man, he looked after me so much and still is as im finding things pretty hard as well :cry::cry:, they admitted me and made me wait till 2am nxt morn to go into theatre all by myself, the hospital experience made it alot worse for me to tell the truth i just wanted the op over and done with so i could go home and cry. i started my period today and it is very heavy and painful but i have been advised this is normal and everyone is different when it comes to the 1st af. 

Anyways i just wanted to let you know the loss of our angels will stay with us forever and we will never forget because they are so precious and will always be to us even though others may not understand the pain, clearly the ladies on here do and i feel your pain girl.

lots of love 

char


:hugs:


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## glowbabe

So sorry you went through such a painful loss. I agree that no matter how many more children you have, nothing can or will replace the one you lost. I hate it when people say "oh you'll have more kids" because that is not the point, nor does it make you feel better. It will get easier to deal with the pain with time, but you'll never forget. Lots of hugs xx


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## Lol78

I'm so sorry to hear your story, it is so sad.
We lost our little boy at 22 weeks. I know how frustrating it is to be told you can try again. I wish I could help, all I can say is that it does get easier - I still cry most days, but my feelings are not so raw as they used to be. I still can't face pregnant women and babies, I'm not sure I will for a while yet. 

Your little girl will never be forgotten, she will always be special to you and your family. Give yourself time and allow yourself to grieve - don't rush things or be hard on yourself. You will find so much support on here, everyone is so kind. I find it so helpful to be among others who understand how I feel because friends as well meaning as they are, just can't understand because they have never experienced anything like this. 

Big :hugs:


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## hannahR

Gosh im crying for you. Im so so sorry. xxxxxxxxxx


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## Rabiah

So sorry Mrs. Tlb. There really are no words to be honest - but all of us on here are connected by our various losses in ways beyond words. Take care. x


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## ThisTimePls

I am so sorry. My thoughts and cuddles are with you. xxxxxxxxxxx


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## roseanne

i cried every day for i don't know how many weeks after losing our son at 14 weeks, due to pPROM (preterm premature rupture of membranes). like you, i thought back on the little things that might have somehow changed things -- the exercise classes, bike rides, not starting bedrest when i started leaking what turned out to be amniotic fluid (but my water broke in the middle of the night 12 hours after the leaking, i had labor induced 36 hours after that, after he had already died). of course all the rethinking can't change any of it, and you have to just take the crying spells, eventually they become fewer and farther between. i wish you well.


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## Mrs.tlb

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for their kind thoughts, and words. Each day is a tough one, but people on this site are helping me through little by little.


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## Becky_Mummy2B

I am crying reading your story. I am so very very sorry. I honestly do not know what else to say but my thoughts are with you and your OH xx


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## Elli21

sorry for your loss xx


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## missjay

Hi,
I got so sad and cried thruout, it touched me! I wish I could find the right words to make it better but I do know nothing will, I am so sorry, noone deserves such a thing. I pray that God gives you his grace and love to heal....
Wishing you betterx


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## janie0

My heart breaks for you & your DH. I hate that I know how you feel. PM me if you need to talk xox


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## rwhite

:hugs: I'm so sorry for the loss of your angel Kennedy, it must be an awful thing to go through xxx

:hug:


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## Diggydog

My thoughts are with you and your husband, im so sorry for the loss of your angel.

xxxxxx


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## lottie7

Kennedy is a gorgeous name. I'm so sorry she was taken from you too soon. Sometimes things just don't make sense.
Thinking of you.
x x


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## summerarmahni

So sorry for you loss of kennedy :hugs::hugs: you will receive as much support as you need or want from all the ladies on here xx


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## cupcake

so sorry for your loss.


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## subshibe

I had a similar experience and it has been so tough on me. It was our first baby and all was well and good. I had just had an ultrasound less than two weeks and all seemed okay, the cervix was closed and we were supposed to find out the sex of the baby a week after.
I had complained of pain, but I never knew they were contractions. The day that we actually lost the baby, I was having diarrhea and lossing alot of fluid but I never knew. I blame myself for not knowing. I always feel that I could have done something different.
Unfortunately I was diagnosed with PCOS and I was talking Clomid. SO I do not even know how easy it will be for me to conceive again.
So many people tried to comfort me but there words of comfort hurt me instead. Things like; you are still you so you will have another one, that was not meant to be your baby, she probably had a defect, we have been there too. This just brought more tears too me.
When she was born she was not in distress and her heart was beating, however her lungs were not well developed. We named her after she passed way. May her RIP and she will always live in my heart. I believe that she was a special child.


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## subshibe

Thanks Mrs. Tlb for sharing this. I went through the same experience at 21 weeks. I however was so angry, mad and heart broken that I even refused to look at her. I was with my husband when all and he did take time to look at her when she was alive. 
My fear is what if it happens again? should I avoid being so attached to the pregnancy when I conceive again? My husband use to speak to the baby in the belly and pray together. We named her Dana after she passed.


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## FeLynn

sorry for you losses. Its so heartbreaking!!!! well wishes and baby dust to who ever needs it! & hugs for everyone!


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