# TTC #1, 35 year old, starting CD 1, 3rd cycle - Would love a buddy?



## so_anxious

Hi, 

Would anyone like to be my buddy? I think I need some emotional support. Lots of women at work are my age and they all seem to be getting pregnant. I think we're going to have lots of maternity leaves at the same time, it's almost like an epidemic. I wish it was something in the water, then I'd just drink lots of water and be done with it. :winkwink:

So, holler back!!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey I can be your buddy ? I got a couple years on ya though... I am 40 1/2 ttc #1 was just married in June, have been only trying a couple months now.. first couple months not really trying, but not avoiding either...but last 2 months I have been really trying around ovulation, this was actually my 2nd cylce... in my 2ww period now..


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

Sure we can be buddies. Are you having any symptoms that you can tell? I'm on CD 3 and just waiting for my CBFM to tell me when I'm fertile. I also use "mymonthlycycles" as a gauge. Are you using any OPK's? I find them helpful, I wasn't sure when I ovulated, but so far it looks like I have the typical 28 day cycle, ovulating on CD 14/15.

So, if I don't get pregnant by February, me and the DH have to go in for some tests. 

how are you holding up?


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## ttc1st_at_40

I actually started off with OPKs the digital ones with the : )....then I was concerned that maybe I was missing my LH surge...if I had too much water that day...or didnt use the correct "pee" so to speak... so I got a CBFM. I have been using that for 3 months now. It appears I have on average 26 day cycles. and get my peak (egg days) on like 13,14 or 14,15. I guess from reading these boards I have to actually start temping to figure out exactly what day I OV though? because right now I am not sure if it is my first peak day or second. I can tell you though I am still using OPK along with my CBFM, and it appears in the afternoon right before I get my first "peak/egg" day I get a positive OPK. Back in June I was at my Dr for my yearly check up and asked him to prescribe me the "fertility blood" tests and he did...so according to all the preliminary blood work for testing fertility I am actually ok. ya know checking FSH/Lh Levels... progestrone levels etc.. I have no idea what my husbands "levels" are...its gonna take a miracle for him to actually go if/when the times comes...he hates dr's and certainly will not be happy going to one to talk about his "man hood" so I did tell him... hey then when I tell ya its time for us to start jumping in bed, you better be "on board" because we need to try for "free" now...because fertility specialist are not cheap...so kind of a threat to him...but so far it has been working : ) and I dont have time to waste...BUT if we dont conceive soon.. I want us to see a doctor... I am hoping I am atleast pregnant by Christmas thats what I am hoping for.


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## so_anxious

So, this will be my second month using CBFM, when you used your CBFM for the second and third time, what day did it have you starting to test? I suspect it won't ask me to POAS till either CD 8 or 10. And did you use 10 sticks for each month? 

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday, so maybe I'll ask her to do the same fertility blood tests for me. I don't have to go to a specialists for that, right?


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## ttc1st_at_40

my 2nd month on the CBFM started me testing on (I think) day 9... and no I didnt use 10 sticks... My 3rd Month (which is this month) it had me start on CD 8.

as for the blood work I asked for... It was just my regular doctor...dont need a fertility dr for this. I went for my yearly examine, and said I was getting married and want ttc soon afterwards and asked if I could have the fertility blood work prescribed to me. and he did. Went a blood lab who draws the blood and the results go to my dr and he gave me the results. 

The test though (I see your in Canada me in US) I am assuming should be the same.. the tests he prescribed are the 

1)3CD test.. meaning you go get your blood drawn on the 3rd day of your cycle and that would measure your 
-FSH,LH,Estridol and Prolactin Levels

2) then you go for another blood draw on CD 21 of the same cycle (actually either CD21 or 7 days after OV) 
-that would test your Progestrone (depending on this level it would tell you if you are actually ovulating) 

the CBFM tells you when your LH levels rise, which means your about to OV but you really really dont know if you OVd unless you get your progestrone measured... or the girls that do temps say you can tell for sure if you O'd if your temp spikes...

sorry for all the info maybe too much ? Im rather chatty if you cant tell !! haha


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## so_anxious

ah crap, I guess I'll have to wait till next month to get the blood tests, as I'm on CD 3 right now. Ah well, thanks for the info, I really do appreciate it.

So, you've got 6 more days till you test, huh? I'm excited for you, I hope you get a BFP. 

Have you told anyone that you're TTC? My whole family knows, but that's because they've known since I was 30 that I wanted to have kids right away.

I was engaged when I was 28 to a horrible man and we were suppose to get married when I was 30. I was telling my family that I wanted to start a family right away after we were married, but 2 months before we were married and after all the invitations were mailed, I found out that he had another girlfriend and she was pregnant. It was horrible, I just couldn't believe that he wasn't going to tell me anything and still going to marry me and keep the girlfriend with the baby. I found out cause I think the other girl put her friend to call me and leave me a message. So, I cancelled the wedding and went into a deep depression especially after the girl gave birth. 

Anyhow, that was 5 years ago and I met my wonderful DH now that treats me like a princess. So, now I'm really happy that I never married that other horrible man and got pregnant cause that would have been even worse. 

Lets hope that we're both blessed with a little bean before the end of this year!! :hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

all I can say is O.M.G !! WHAT A horrible horribl horrible person... 1st of all how dare him..2nd of all was he seriously still going to marry you and not tell you... you are SOOOOO lucky to not have ended up with him. I seriously got the chills reading that... uGHHH!!!

BUT... ON to happy thoughts we a great DH !!! good for you!!! 

Everyone kinda "assumes" we are trying... since we just got married... and a lot of people ask... so whens the kids coming... others are like wow are you really gonna have kids, thought you didnt want them (though I didnt want them probally cause I dont have them yet!! and I am 40 (hes 38) kinda irrating to be honest with ya) 

So thats fine, when you go to the Dr on Friday, ask them for the scripts for the blood tests, then you will be all set to go on your CD3 next month. I dont know if things work in Canada like here in the US. But if you have a script (from your dr) for blood work you can just walk in any blood lab, give them the script and they will take the blood and return the results to the Dr. So you will need to go on CD3 then again on CD21, once you get to that point I have a couple good links for you to evaulate your results. 

Yes lets pray for some great news to share with our families... I of course would luv a litte bean before Christmas... but am going to be patient until then... !! after that me and hubby have some serious talking to do!!


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## so_anxious

so, your husband isn't really on board to get tested, huh. I think men seem to forget that when they get older their fertility goes down the drain too. So, the sooner older couples find out if their both fine, the better. 

I'm sure you'll get pregnant even before you have to have "the talk" with DH. How are you feeling today? Any new symptoms?


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## ttc1st_at_40

well he HATES going to the Dr... and hes is a super private person... so I dont know how keen he would be on going to an actually Fertility Specialist...

as for the TTC stuff too...he is not a real big talker when it comes to "women" stuff as it is. So I have to approach all this TTC stuff very delicately with him... example... If I say ahhh I got I got my period I have cramps...hes like ok ok TMI... i'm like whats wrong with you... hes just like ewww dont feel like talking bout your ummm Thing!!! and forget it I ask him to pick up tampons... it will never happen...he just straight up says !! NOPE thats your job...haha!! so when trying to tell him about BD on the right days... hes like cant i get ya next week... I was like no!! he just doesnt get anything... hes slowly learning tho

but as a side note He is going to the regular Dr for his yearly check-up in 2 weeks...so I asked him to let the Dr now he was just married and starting to TTC and ask any type of preliminary tests...Im hoping the dr prescribes a Sperm Analysis. Kinda like I did when I went to my regular Dr asked for that blood work. Just give us both a piece of mind... as you said good idea to find out now if we have any problems instead of trying for the standard 6-12 months only to find out there is an underlying prob... ya know !!


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## ttc1st_at_40

oh you also asked, any symptoms... na... AF due next Tues/Wed for some reason I dont feel too optimisc? not sure why... 

Ive been reading alot of these post since I jioned, and it seems like perhaps I have been missing my O the last few months... a lot of the girls on here using the CBFM are saying that OV day is usually on the 2nd peak of the monitor... I usually have my guy worn out by then, cause I try to BD every other day on the highs, and we usually only get the 1st peak day in... 

if AF comes... I am going to be sure from now on we do both peak days now


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## so_anxious

Oh I totally understand what you mean about missing the peak days. So, I read somewhere that if you know that you're fertility is good, then you should BD as soon as you get a high on your OPK that night and for three consecutive nights, then skip a night and try one more time.

I think the plan is called "Sperm Meets Egg Plan". So, I'm going to try this plan this month. Although, I'm not sure if my DH will be able to do it for three nigths straight especially after he gets home from a busy day, he's usually tired. So I guess we'll see what happens, but the plan sounds pretty good, you should definitely catch the egg with that method. I know for sure last month, we definitely missed the egg cause DH wasn't able to do it on the first peak on the CBFM and on the second peak we did it late at night, so we probably missed the egg completely.

Also, I hear that you normally have your LH surge during the day, so I'm wondering if the same thing happens with the egg it pops out during the day, so basically DTD during the evening of the second peak wouldn't do much. Who knows??? I feel like this is a science project or something. sheesh!


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## ttc1st_at_40

yes you are right Science Project pretty much sums this all up hahaha

I did hear about the SMEP.. and ideally that is what I was aiming for...but your right..come the end of a fertile week.. my poor husband thinks I am "using" him...
we are both so pooped out... my plan is if AF gets me next week... then I am on a major mission with SMEP.. look out HUBBY!!!!

but you do bring up a good point. what if the egg pops in the middle of the day like the LH surge? then the 2nd peak night just may be too late..HMMMM

our typical BD schedule is always in the evenig (during the week..because we both work days) and so far I havent hit a peak on the weekend so that so far has counted out any afternoon noogie!!

so I just realized I grabbed ya as a buddy.. I was so exicted to join the site and said ya I'll be your buddy... but I am learning now that I really am not even close to your CD and that is what girls are looking for.. cause on another post a girl stopped in said Hi.. but I canT be your buddy cause I am CD4 then I though gosh.. I totally hijacked so_anxious thread AND I wasnt even close to her CD.. dahhh on my part... but we can still be buddies though right ?? haha


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## so_anxious

of course we can be buddies. It doesn't matter to me at what point my buddy is at in her cycle. I'm just glad I have someone to share experiences with and for some support. 

So, I got a BBT on Tuesday and have started to use it. I'm not sure if there's anything to it except for taking my temp as soon as I wake up. I have it right beside my bed, so as soon as the alarm goes off, I reach over and stick it in my mouth. I guess only time will tell if I'm doing it right.

Man, today I haev such a headache and I have some online training in 45 minutes that I totally don't want to do. Ah well, can't wait for the weekend, I get "so anxious" when I have to start poas (hence the name):winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

bad news.. got hit by AF on Saturday Afternoon : (

but moving on to next month... I have just started temping as well... decided that this week, but darn I didnt pick up a bbt I have just read up on the importance of it being a bbt instead of a regular therm so I will be purchasing that today to get some good readings... I understand too that you just take your temp before you even get out of bed... so I will have it sitting right at my alarm to pop in my mouth before my feet even hit the floor... then I will track it on FF.

how you holding up anything new with you?


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## so_anxious

you know it's funny, I was using a normal thermometer as well last month, just every once and again to see what my temp was but you do have to use a BBT cause you need to record the .01 degree as well. I'm sorry that you got AF again, but at least you know now and you can start a brand new month, right?

I went to my doctor on Friday and well, she didn't order any tests for me. She said that I shouldn't worry about anything till February, which will be 6 months of ttc. She did give me a flu shot that was killing my arm so much that I couldn't sleep. It now has the H1N1 in it so maybe that's why it hurt so much, who knows. 

So, guess what, I think FF may be helpful after all. I'm on CD 10 and last month I got a high on my CBFM on CD 12, anyhow I was thinking the same thing was going to happen this month, but this morning to my surprise I got a high on my CBFM, that's 2 days before I thought it would and FF told me that I would be fertile as of today, so maybe its worth purchasing a VIP plan on that site. Hmm... still contemplating if I should. I've already spent so much money on all these conception devices. I also have some very mild cramping right now, so I'm sure I'm going to ovulate within the next couple of days or so. 

I wish my DH and I could just stay home from work the week that I'm ovulating so that we can BD everyday and not be so tired like when we come home after work. :winkwink:


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## emmaforster

ill be your bud too i am too on cd 1 cycle 11 if you dont mind xx


https://www.myfertilitycharts.com/webedition/20/fertilitycharts.aspx


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## so_anxious

Hey emmaforster,

Sure, join the club. What's new and exciting with you? Is that link with your chart, cause I clicked on it and it brought up mine? Totally bizarre.


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## so_anxious

Hey ttc1st_at_40,

how are your temps? Mine are kinda steady, some flutuating. I think I'm going to ovulate on Thursday, making that CD 13, which is earlier than last cycle. I think I'd rather ovulate earlier than later???


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## ttc1st_at_40

didnt grab a bbt yet...maybe tonight, as I have some errands to run... but they actually have been dipping the last few days... is that normal ? I have zero idea.

so you think you you'll O on thursday right? so does that mean you are at a high today? and will peak tomorrow ?

with me I think this is what happens... i get 2-3 highs.. (on the CBFM )then I start using OPKs in the afternoons/evenings to see if I high a + when I do usually the next day I get my peak (eggie) on the CBFM... and think I then O on the 2nd peak day. So basically I have "pretty" good ideh when my LH surges...but I still cant exactly pinpoint when I O... most are saying it is your 2nd peak day... and alot of people get EWCM... but I never have any to mention...I dont get pains either... so I really dont know... I think with starting temping though I may be able to get a good idea this month.

BUT I have been chronically missing BDing on the 2nd peak day... I looked back at my charts and I am hitting the high right before Peak, then the 1st peak... missing the 2nd peak day...so this month I am making sure (at least I hope) that we can do 3 days in a row.. high, peak, peak FX of course !!


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## so_anxious

I have no idea when I'm going to ovulate anymore. 

I got another high today on my CBFM, I thought I was going to get a peak cause I took an OPK last night and it was getting darker like almost a positive.

Anyhow, I woke up at around 3:30am and had to go to the washroom so badly that I decided to pee in a cup for the very first time. Then around 5:45am when the alarm went off I got up and then dipped my CBFM test stick and an OPK into the pee. To my surprise the OPK came back negative and the CBFM still said high. I'm hoping I didn't mess up the damn test by dipping, which I've never done before. Ah well, I'll take another OPK when I get home tonight and see what that says.

I normally don't have much CM either, so I started to use Pre-seed, but to my surprise again last night, I had very noticable EWCM. I'm so confused right now. I actually think my I may be getting the same thing that you have. 2-3 days of high, then I'll take an OPK and if it's positive I'll get a peak the next morning. So, we'll see what the OPK says tonight when I get home. 

last month the husband completely messed up our BD'ing. I BD'd on a low the day before my high and then on the first high. Then we tried on the second high, but my DH didn't finish (if you know what I mean). So we tried the next morning (we usually BD in the evening) which was my first peak, but he was way too tired to finish again. So, we BD'd on the second peak, but in the evening again, which I believe we had already missed the egg. 

Gosh, this is so freaking stressful. My BBT just went down again today, so I'm hoping shoots right up tomorrow for me. I think that your BBT dips a little just before you ovulate and then it goes really high. I have no idea too. I use FF to help me out.


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## ttc1st_at_40

ok checking in... did ya get that peak on the monitor yet? I have never done the pee in a cup thing either... I did hear it is ok to do it and then use your stick in your "Window" but I would be thinking just like you "did I mess this one up"...

and whatcha think of the PreSeed? I am starting Conceive Plus this month...

I did start a thread about temping , and it appears that most of the time you get a little dip right before O but then definately a spike up the day after you O... so basically it appears you can tell what day you did O (the spike up is because your body starts to produce progestrone to "sustain" the pregnancy...) and they say if your temps stay up all the way past AF day that means theres a good chance your pregnant...but if they start to drop again, this means no bean stuck...

another thing someone noted is that around day 7-11 dpo if you are already high and get another upward spike that could mean Inplantantion Day ?? 

gosh who knows I cant wait to see what my chart looks like this month...

but really weird I am only 7 DPO and I got a major spike... was 97 yesterday this morning 98.3 but I had a terrible headache... I dont think it has anything to do with my women parts...just that I have a sinus headache


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## so_anxious

yeah, finally. I got a postive OPK last night and then I got my peak this morning. Somehow I thought it was going to come early, but it basically happend the same time as my last cycle. I'm like freaking clockwork. I have a 28 day cycle, and I ovulate on cd 15. Totally weird. Anyhow, my DH and I have been BDing 2 days in a row then 1 day off. Who knows if that'll work!

That's great information about the temp. So, I guess my temp will probably shoot up on Sunday if I ovulate tomorrow.

Well that spike you had sounds very good. I hope you get a bfp this month.


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## ttc1st_at_40

YEP just like me then, get a high opk in evening...then next day I get my peak on the monitor... so you need to get bding today and tomorrow!! (cause as they say once you get the positive opk that means lh has risen and O should happen with in 12-36 hours, then of course they "say" also the eggie can live up to 24 hours) 

then yep when your temp spikes you know the day before was when you O'd...

oh and Im an idiot..I typed wrong I am not 7 dpo I am on cd7 (so that spike was simply nothing..I think Im comin down with a cold actually) woke up with a splitting headache!! 

ok so as of Sunday you'll be in the TWW period.. how exciting!!! and next week I'll be doing my SMEP I'm gonna have a sit down with my hubby and lay out the plan for him, and hope we have enought energy to really get some good bding mext week. 

and if my AF comes like planned I think next month I am going to try Soy.. .have you been reading on here anything about it ? sounds like its like a natural version of clomid...make you have strong eggies ?? I think its worth a shot... I so bad would love to be preggers by christmas... and my FX for you too!!!


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## so_anxious

So, I started a new thread cause I was talking to this one girl and then she stopped talking to me althogether and I think it was because I told her that I was using OPKs and a CBFM and her response was, well I just BD every other day and that was it. End of discussion. So, I figured that she was busy or something anyhow, I noticed that she made another post to some other thread and kinda made fun of women who use a few different conception devices. What the heck is that all about? 

Like seriously, why would someone be so insensitive. It's hard enough for us to go through this crap and not have someone made fun of our methods of conception. I found it really sad and was not impressed. Whatever! I have better things to do than think about her. 

Anyhow, as for Soy, I haven't heard too much or read about it. So, it makes your eggs stronger, huh? I say go for it, any little help is good. 

I'm with you girl, I would love for us to get pregnant for christmas that would be a terrific gift. So, yeah, I'm going to BD tonight and tomorrow and then it's the tww for me. I was so bloody anxious last cycle that I decided to get a book and read it everytime I think about searching for symptoms. I'm also going to try really hard to wait till my AF is due to test. Yikes... it's going to be difficult but I'm willing to try. 

So, you're waiting to ovulate too, right? Ah man, I'm totally praying for us to get it right this cycle!! :hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

as for the "rude poster" what the heck is that all about!!! and your right... dont spend 1 sec concerning yourself with rude people... geeeeezz what the heck is she doing on a TTC forum anyway if she doesnt think it involves listening to other peoples "stories" instead "she makes fun of them" ridiculous!!


Also a little bit of good news... Hubbys yearly Drs appt is next Tuesday...to get his regular physical/blood pressure, check his choloestrol etc... soooo I just had a talk with him and let him know to PLEASE talk to the dr let her know we are ttc and ask for some extra blood work and a Sperm Analysis, so we can see how things are on his side. He agreed YAYAYA!! I told him he may need to "tell a little white lie" and tell the Dr we have been trying for over a year... (but its only been 4 months really) so that she doesnt give the regular statement "try for a year then come see me" ...so hopefully he goes along with the white lie and we get some test prescribed to him. 

I figured hey lets get him tested now... see if there problems...why wait another 6 months then have him make an appointment ya know... so this yearly visit is perfect timing. and another thing if a regular dr prescribes these tests it is covered with our insurance...but if we go to a Fertility Specalist...as soon as any tests or blood work etc would be presribed by them (which to start the FS would probally prescribe the exact same blood work and Sperm Analysis) then we would have to pay for it in FULL coming from a FS type dr.

then if everything looks good with his tests, my plan is to continue trying then in a few months if we arent preggers we would need to dish out some major $$$ for some fertility specialist vists. But we would already have under our belt some test results to turn over to them... and all my charting etc... so we will be well prepared for a FS visit. 

Lets hope though that 1st he asks for these tests, then gets good results, then we get preggers on our own, then we wont have to go to the FS !!! thats my master plan !! 

So hopefully you got some good bding in last night, and can get that man of yours into bed again tonight!! then off to your TWW period.

Today I am CD7 on my monitor... and it asked me for a stick already... I think it was kinda early...but hey I POAS anyway... and got a low.. (I expected a low anyway) 

so if this month doesnt work for us... we got at least really 1 more cycle to try before christmas!! fingers crossed for both of us!!! ya... I love christmas, and I would love to have the best christmas ever with a little bean.


have a great weekend!!!


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## so_anxious

So, I totally should have told my doctor the same thing. I should have told her that I've been trying for at least 6 months, that way I could get tested sooner. Ah well, you live and you learn. Your a smart cookie! :winkwink:

On another note, I'm a little concerned right now. I've been getting a + OPK for 60 hours now, i didn't test on CD 14, but I assume it would have been positive since it was positive on CD 15.

Here are the details:

CD 10 - CBFM=high, -OPK
CD 11 - CBFM=high, -OPK
CD 12 - CBFM=high, -OPK
CD 13 - CBFM=high, +OPK (5pm)
CD 14 - CBFM=peak, (didn't test OPK)\
CD 15 - CBFM=peak, +OPK (6am)
CD 16 - CBFM=high, +OPK (6am)

It is possible to have a +OPK for 4 days straight? Also, my temp hasn't risen either, it's still the same. I'm so bloodly confused right now. I'm going to test again tomorrow morning (i've only got 2 more OPK strips) and hopefully my temp rises tomorrow as well. 

Any advice?


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## ttc1st_at_40

Ok this is a long one&#8230;. If I lose ya feel free to ignore me&#8230; : ) 

well I am certainly no expert at all...

But 

1- I know your LH starts going up before you O, (and this can be 12-36 hours ahead of time, most sites say 48 hours though) and I believe LH also continues to stay elevated right through the whole time you are Ovulating(this I am just guessing on).... and your egg can stay alive for 2-24 hours

2- Also another thing I am pretty sure about is...temp "rises after O"... reason for this is your body starts to produce progesterone after O'ing... and this production of progesterone rises your temperature.

now I guess what we would need defined is the phrase is when temp " rises AFTER Oing" and what Oing is actually defined as... is Ovulating the very second your egg pops out... or is Oing the 2-24 hour life span of the Egg? 

And 
1- Do you start to produce progesterone (and temps rise) as soon as the Egg pops out or
OR
2-Does it mean (since you can O for 24 hours) the progesterone (and temps rise) once the egg has finished it journey either meeting up with some sperm or just sitting there doing nothing? 


Each month my self I try to figure out the shortest and longest possibility of my Oing as to the soonest I should BD and the last day I may still have a chance&#8230;

Shortest would be using all Minimum Values&#8230; so say I caught my LH at the very beginning of the surge&#8230; I count the min 12 hours later I will O, and the Egg could stay alive for min 2 hours&#8230;So I HAVE to BD by next AM to catch the egg after my first LH surge

OR

Longest would be using all Maximum Values&#8230; so as soon as I see the LH sure I count 48 hours before my O could happen, and the Egg stays alive for a max of 24 hours&#8230;So I would have potentially up to 3 days after first LH surge to catch the egg too

Sound right?? 

so your LH surged on the evening of CD13 and lets just say you hypothetically caught it at the very beginning of the surge&#8230;and are going to use all the longest values&#8230; that means you perhaps could O as late CD15 AM (36 hours) or CD15 pm (48 hours) and if LH stays positive while you are Oing.. it could cause you to stay + on OPK into CD16 as well right ??? so I am expecting that tomorrow for you your temps will rise (starting to produce progesterone) and your opk will be negative 


again I am going on an educated guess here&#8230;. 

Can you tell I am a Software Analyst!! Hahaha again if I confused you please ignore me..


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## so_anxious

You're so funny! Your logic seems sound and I totally understand it. At first, when I started to read your post, I thought, wow this girl has some kind of mathematical/logic background and then you mentioned you were a software analyst and it all made sense to me.

So, your explanation was really great and because I have a computer science background as well, I totally understood it. I probably wouldn't have if it was defined any other way.

Well, I have to tell you that so far your educated guess is partially correct. I got my temp spike this morning. it went up from 97.4 to 98.2. So, you were right with that part. Now for the next part, I took another OPK test this morning and it was positive again. So, I guess the LH is still in my urine or something. The test line is darker than the reference line, so I know that's a positive, right?

Anyhow, I'm just glad that I got my temp spike, so that at least means that I ovulated right? Or is it possible to not ovulated and still have a temperature rise?? 

So, thanks for your explanation again, I have to tell you that when I woke up yesterday to take my BBT and OPK test, I couldn't go back to bed cause I thought that something was wrong with me, but I felt soooo much better after I read your post. I was so bloody happy. Thank you so much for your support.:hugs:

Enough about me, how are you doing now? You about ready to ovulate too, right? Anything else happening on your side?


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## ttc1st_at_40

well I am happy I was able to calm ya a bit... and that you also understood my rambling...and didnt scare ya off at the same time hahaha!!!

but ya the still high OPK hmmmm? they do say that some womens LH level is high throughout their whole cycle... and also that some women actually use OPKs kinda like HPTs as well becasue they could go positive if the HCG level is present in your urine... but being only 1dpo for ya I dont think you'd have any HCG yet right?

I dont use the type of OPK you refer to... I just use the digital :) face ones, because to be honest I can never really tell too much of a difference on those other ones, with comparing the lines to the test line... and I want to be sure so use the :) face ones...

perhaps you just still have some lh and your OPK is still picking up some...perhaps tomorrow it will be back down right ?

as for me it is my CD10... and Im steady POAS and just on my Lows... expect to go high tomorrow or the next day...and started my SMEP (yesterday) with my new Conceive Plus.

So how bout the BBT... I went to 3 different stores and no one has a darn BBT type Thermometer... So I had to order one off ebay last night... wont get here until like Wed/Thrs... I am not quite sure I like temping to much... remember that spike up I told ya I got, cause I woke with a major sinus headace... well I ended up having another so I jumped from 97.0 one night to 98.3 the next... thats pretty major.. thinking I may not be able to rely on temping too much.

as for your question about ovulating... I have read that the "only" way to tell if you did actually ovulate is DO temp ... because they say almost all women will turn positive to high on the cbfm (meaning your producing estrogen) and then again most women will also get the LH surge (peak on cbfm/positive opk) but the only way to tell if you actually O'd is if you know you are producing progestrone (which is when your temp rises) so they say the only "home way" is temping, to tell if you really did O... OR you would have to get your progestrone measured (thats the 21 day blood test I told ya about)


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## so_anxious

holy crap, you have a high temp. Are you feeling ok? Do you think you may have a slight fever from the sinus headache?

Well, I got a negative OPK yesterday afternoon, so it looks like it just took a while to get out of my system. My temp is still high. I think I'll use the smiley face OPK next cycle as that seems to be better than the 2 lines. Suppose to get AF on the 11th or 12th, so it's just the waiting game again. I think I have a better sense of my cycle now so I should have a better BD plan for next cycle. 

Did you get your high today?


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## ttc1st_at_40

ok so you finally got that lh out of your system.. haha... so maybe the temps will go up for ya tomorrow then huh ? gotta tell ya though....Im not so sure how I personally am gonna feel about using my temps as a guage, I'll give it a try a couple months, but so far I am not real confident with it


ya you are certainly right on... I also do feel like I know my body/cycle a whole hell of a lot more now with all this monitoring temping vitamins etc... hahaha

and yep I did get my first high today (tried a smiley opk this afternoon, but got a negative)... I expect another high tomorrow, and prob a positive OPK tomorrow afternoon... and so far I am rigth on with the BDing on the SMEP... how do you think your BDing week went feeling pretty confident for the 11th/12th?


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## so_anxious

so, my temp went down a bit yesterday but still over the coverline and then my temp went way up this morning, so I have no idea what that means and I'll just leave it like that. 

Did you get your peak yet? I was hoping to do the SMEP this cycle, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get to. My DH is not one to BD every day for a few days straight. So, it looks like it may be an every other day plan for us. That's why I don't think I'm preggers this cycle. 

I also have no symptoms whatsoever. Usually my boobs hurt but nada. I'm super sleepy and I have no appetite which is somewhate unusual for who knows what the hell that means. I could just be super stressed out, which I kinda am because the people at work are driving me bonkers. Whatever.

So, how are your temps?


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## ttc1st_at_40

well again I am no expert on charting temps... just started temping myself at the end of my last cycle...and as ya know I have the occasional spikes WAY up Like 10 degrees (faherheit) up when I have a silly headache... actually i get headaches quite frequently... always have... anyway so I am not sure temping will ever really work for me..since i get these spikes because of my headaches

but by looking at some other girls charts over the last few weeks... to me it appears that your temps rise maybe starting the 2nd day after ovulation and I think I read if it stays kinda highish for 3 consecutive days... thats means your body is producing progestrone now( which means you did O ) I really think the temps start rising a day or even 2 days after... so it sounds kinda like thats what your doing perhaps ? 

as of this morning I am CD 13 and am still on High... the darn CBFM had me start testing at day 7 that darn thing... I am expecting (hopefully) to get a positive : ) opk this evening...then perhaps my Peak Tomorrow (at least I better...that will be CD14 for me and so far I havent ever had my later than CD14... 

so...ya this will be my first months attempt at the SMEP ... I really hope we can stick to it, afraid though we may end up like you guys... really wanting to stick to it but 3 days in a row.. not sure if I can make that happen... so far we've been good with the every other day... did tell hubby this morning....tho... "hey save up your energy... may need to "get it on" for the next 3 days" he was like YA SURE WHATEVER !! but I hope I can convince him... crossing my fingers for a positive OPK this afternoon/evening... Ill keep ya posted !! 

oh also as a side note... called my ob/gyn to go in for an appointment to talk about TTC... my appointment is tomorrow, and from what the receptionist said... is there are a lot of things the Dr may be able to "try" with me before even going to a FS. So I am anxious to see what they have to say tomorrow. I also asked if I could get them to give me a script for a Semen Analysis for my husband and they said yep, and they wont even have to see him, will just give me the container... sounded strange to me.. but hey I'll take it. I'll give you the update on that as well. 

so hoping your day is well 



no I have not r


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## so_anxious

So did you get a positive OPK yet? All this waiting is so bloody annoying. I bought a book the other day and decided that if I ever start thinking about pregnancy symptoms that I'll just start reading. It's a murder mystery so that will definitely keep my mind off stuff. 

You know I'm really happy for you that your doctor can do a lot of testing before you even need to see s specialist. Like seriously, I have a few friends that are going through IVF and they've spent $10K each time and they're still not pregnant. It's insane how much it costs. I believe our Government is trying to see if they can pay for fertility costs, cause right now Quebec pays for it, but I live in Ontario and they don't pay for it yet. It would be nice if they did. I guess only time will tell.

So, do you think you're DH will do the semen analysis?


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## ttc1st_at_40

GOSH if I took your approach and read a book everytime I thought about pregnancy symptoms I would be through the bible a few times by now !!! hahaha... now that we "started" trying that is really all I think about all day and all night !! constantly on the internet looking up stuff...

and gosh NO I did not get my PEAK, yet ????? and still no positive OPK either... (just took one, and will take another in like 4 hours or so) its quite confusing and irritating... !!! ughhh... especially since this is the only way I can tell when I am getting close to Oing... 

so Drs visit today... He gave me scripts to get my CD3 tests run again (which are the FSH/LH levels) and he gave me a script for my hubby to get his SA. (which he did say he would go and do !!! yeahhhhh!!) and he also gave me a script for Clomid to try for 3 months. He also said a good thing to do is on CD9 (or like 3 days after period is done) to do a homeade baking soda douche (teaspoon of baking soda/warm water) . He said to try this Clomid for just 3 months, and if it doesnt work, I should not delay and go see a FS...which is NOT CHEAP !!! I think my insurance may cover perhaps some small % of testing but not much at all. Definately like you no IVF or IUI are covered in my State... (my friend lives in Massachusetts and her State/Insurance covers the majority of her Fertility testing and the entire IVF/IUI procedures....simply no fair !!!

but I am super excited about the Clomid script... one of my really good friends who has been on the fertility rollercoaster for the last 2 years also recommended that... and there is a ton of girls on here who have takin it... 

now just a new subject for me to research on... 

so this cycle is confusing me... hopefully I get my peak tomorrow (which would be my latest so far cd 15 ??) and if not... I got a new plan (Clomid) for next month I guess


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## ttc1st_at_40

Good Morning Anxious.... thinking bout ya today... so you spotting any symptoms at all ? is your temp staying up ?

I finally got my BBT in the mail... so started on that thing..

also last night I still had a negative OPK and this AM (CD15) I finally hit my Peak on my CBFM... kinda not how its usually been going for me... i usually end up finding my surge in the PM then get the Peak the next day... I am going to also use an OPK this afternoon to see if my OPK picks up a positive....And this is the LATEST so far I have gotten my peak&#8230; 

AND gosh and my poor hubby... I thought I was going to hit my +OPK on thurs even, so I told him thrs am the plan was to BD 3 days in a row starting thrs... so we started on that and BD thrs,fri, but now that I only hit my peak today (saturday) we have to go 3 days in a row from today... yikes... so now that has us going every night thrs-mon... he is not happy now... and I doubt he will keep to the plan that would make 5 days in a row&#8230; I know I am asking too much..and I am tiring him out... yikes...

I just dont want this "baby making sex" to get monotonous ya know... Its almost not even intimate any more... just get in there get it done..I am starting to feel bad ya know? and we are newlyweds but it feels more like a job than fun we are having... you ever feel that?


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## so_anxious

OMG, I totally feel the same way. It never feels intimate anymore, it feels like work and I hate that it's only been 3 cycles now and it already feels this way. 

I did the same thing on the 2nd cycle, I had my DH start way before I got even a high on my CBFM or a positive OPK. I guess I was anxious (hence my handle "so_anxious"). Anyhow, the DH got tired after the 3rd time in a row and then we basically didn't do anything during my peak. 

So, my temp is still up, it shot up high yesterday am and today it's down a bit but it's still up there. I still don't have any symptoms or any that I would consider early pregnancy symptoms. I have cramps, and fatigue, but that happens to me every cycle, so I have no idea if I'm knocked up or not. 

That baking soda douche sounds like something I've heard about before. Did he say the purpose of the douche, is it simply to clean yourself out? And I keep hearing about Clomid, but really what is that used for?

Well, I'm happy that you got your BBT and your peak this am. Now, try to convince your DH to BD, maybe you'll need to do something fun, like role playing or wear something naughty. LOL. I should take my own advice. :winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

lets hope those temps have stayed up all weekend, Im anxious to see what you have to report.. also feeling anything ?

so far that hubby of mine has been a trooper!!! god bless him, for really being supportive..poor guy gets sex 5 days in a row!! (no but really I am pooping him out)

weird thing here... so my monitor didnt Peak until Sat AM, then I also got a Positive Opk Sat am as well...here it is Sun at 4pm I got a Negative OPK already ( again I use the smiley ones) sooooo hmmmm does that mean... my Oing is over and I dont have to "force my hubby into BDing tonight and tomorrow? Lord knows we got enough in already this week.. hmmm... I will make sure we still do tonight, but not sure if tomorrow is necessary... 

heres me my OPK goes negative after like 30 hours... yours is high for 4 days in a row ? see all girls are different I guess ??


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## so_anxious

So, my temp shot up the highest it's been this morning. I still have no idea what that means and I really don't want to get my hopes up. The only other symptom I have is sore breasts, but I get that every cycle, so nothing new.

So, you had a 30 hour LH surge, huh? I think that's normal, unlike the marathon one. It's very bizzare, and I'm pretty sure I read the test sticks right, there's a clear difference between a positive and negative. Ah well, I bought some digital ones like yours (the smiley faces) for next time, that way I'll know for sure, right? They are a bit pricer, but I don't mind.

I'm really proud of your DH for sticking to the plan. You have a good man there!! I think you should follow your CBFM and BD on both peaks and the high after, even if your OPK turns negative. Anyhow, that's how I interpret it, but that's only if your DH is cooperative. My DH has a mind of his own and well, the top part of his body is saying "sure we can do it", but the bottom part of his body is saying "I'm tired, give me a couple of days to rest up". I can't believe it's come to this. :dohh:


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## ttc1st_at_40

i think that it is good that your temp keeps rising... meaning your producing progestrone, which means you really did Ovulate (guess some girls dont Ovulate at all...even though they get a +OPK) and they dont even know this unless they temp... I guess I will find out for sure this cycle too...as this is my first month temping..

yes in deed those smiley ones are quite expensive... and I am obsseive (prob too much so) I start using them as soon as I hit my high days... and test at appx 4pm and then again at 9pm.... I guess a good idea may be to use start off with the cheapie ones because I think they gradually get darker correct? then once you are pretty sure you are surging back it up with a smiley one ? sounds like a good idea, maybe I should do that next cycle (if there is one haha...wishful thinking) 

yes and I am SOOOO proud of my DH toooooo. You dont even understand !!! I am shocked he kept up!! for real... It kinda just warms my heart too, cause that just solidifies that he really does want children as much as I do... even if he doesnt actually "say" it.. ya know... kinda like action speaks louder than words type of deal.. 

also he did ask me this AM... do we have to do tonight to... but I said na, we didnt have to.. (tonight is the high..after the 2 peaks) but to be honestly I think we got enough in, and I really think I O'd on Saturday PM... obviously I am just guessing but I am pretty sure that is when I did.

so... looking at your ticker... 4 days till testing!!! whatcha thinking... gonna test ??


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## so_anxious

Your DH is cute!!

So, I feel like absolute crap today. I'm super nauseous this morning and I feel sick with a cold or something, but I still don't think I'm preggers. I mean I've felt nauseous before my period and well, I think I have a cold so that can mean anything. I'm at work right now and I should have stayed home, I'm having hot flashes too. I think I'm coming down with something. It's going around at work. 

So I won't be testing till Saturday if AF doesn't show up by Friday. I"m trying to control myself as much as possible, also I may not even test if my temp drops dramatically. I heard that happens the day AF arrives, so I'll know before hand. 

I was also thinking about those OPK internet cheapies. I use First Response OPKs, they seem easy enough but are expensive too. 

So what about you? Are you going to test next week?


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## ttc1st_at_40

oh darn, sorry your feeling so crappy!!! BUT hopefully they are all silly baby symptoms right!!! that would be awesome...

well Saturday is not too far away, I can tell ya though my girlfriend that was just in town this weekend is 4 months pregnant, she said the week before her period she got all the typical AF symptoms bloated, cramping, then she started spotting for 2 days... took a HPT was a BPN...thought for sure AF was comin on strong... then on the evening of the 2nd day of spotting, the spotting then stopped for a few hours, so she took a test and was BFP!! 

so that is definately something to keep in mind, that it is not officialy AF til its full fledge flow I guess..

so Saturday is not that far off for you!! gosh my fingers are crossed for ya...

I will not test either until after AF is due, I am expecting that, like next Thrs... so if she doesnt show up I may test next Friday... promising myself I wont do it earlier... although I already have a box of tests just calling my name (well obviously not yet...but I hope I dont give in like next Monday or something haha)


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## so_anxious

that would be awesome, but I'm so bloody doubtful right now. The reason I don't think I'll get a bfp is cause I've got no cm whatsoever. I'm super dry. I don't think that's normal if you're preggers, so I'm simply waiting for AF to show up tomorrow or Friday. It would be pure luck if AF doesn't show her face. I'm feeling much better today. Not nauseous at all but my boobs are killing me, but like I said, that's normal too.

As for your friend's spotting, I haven't had any since ovulation. I normally get ovulation spotting which happens like a day or two before ovulation, but I don't think I've had any during my tww. 

You getting any signs yet. Is it too early? I guess they say that you probably won't get any signs until implantation so if you do get them before it's probably PMS or something, right?

I think as soon as you see some kind of sign like spotting, you should definitely test before AF. That to me is a good sign, so that box of test strips should come in handy.

So, I have tomorrow off cause I work for the Government and its our "Remembrance Day". It's a day we reflect on the fallen soldiers in the War. So no work! Yippee... the only thing is that I have to come back to work on the Friday... blah! Ah well, at least I can sleep in!

Hey, are you using your BBT now or are you waiting till next cycle, if there's a next cycle. It sounds like you covered all your bases this cycle, I would be surprised if you didn't get your bfp.


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey....not giving you wishful thinking tips or anything... but one of the side tidbits on FF that I just read was that CM after ovulation has no indication if your Preggers or Not... just thought I'd let ya know 

have a good day off tomorrow, ya you Canadians get all kinds of extra holidays huh ? well actually our Government workers get more than the average amount of Holidays as well.. the typicals are Thanksgiving Christmas 4th of July, Labor Day and Memorial Day....thats it for us... but our Gov't workers and Bankers etc have off Like Columbus Day and some other random holidays too... so hope you do something nice and relaxing.

so I called my Dr back and asked him for when I start the Clomid next month if he would prescribe me blood tests again. So, so far he agreed to do the FSH/LH tests again (my last set was 5 months ago) that is done at CD3 to gauge the "quality" of your eggs, then I start on Clomid days 3-7 then take the same FSH/LH tests again on CD10 to check what my eggs do on the Clomid (this is all called "The Clomid Challange" I googled it to find out more info) 

anyway I am excited that I was able to talk him into these tests... he is also giving me the 21 day blood tests (which measures your progestrone...to tell if you have Ovulated, or how well you Ovulated) I pick up the scripts tomorrow, and will actually go get 1 blood test done next week (to see what my progestrone levels are this month...to tell how good my O was without taking Clomid, then I will take them the next two months on Clomid to see how my O was then as well) 

and pretty much this is the extent that my OB/GYN can do on the fertility side of things, everything else I would have to go see a Fertility Specialist. But if I have to go, at least I will have some preliminary testing already done, so dont have to waste time. I am very scared that my hubby just wont go to a FS at all... I know it is SUPER SUPER expensive... and to me you can put a price on a family...I would pay the money...but dont think he will... So I hope this happens for me naturally (well naturally with some Clomid would be fine as well) . 

oh ya... yep got my BB so am using that... so far my temps have been up the last 4 mornings... hoping they stay that way... and nope no symptoms at all... I may have a few twinges in my belly here and there but I think its my imagination. I never get any type of bleeding/spotting during O... so the second I do see anything (Before my AF date that is) that would be a good sign, cause I never have that typically...So your probally right then...those tests would come in handy..so that would be the only case where I will test before hand.... what about ya feel any symptoms today...besides the sore boobies? I usually get those every period as well...but I dont have that yet..prob in a few days

well here I go with another long post... gosh you probally HATE me !!! haha ...

so just think if we get our BFP this month... we really can share the news with our families at Christmas... right??? may be a little early because I have always said I would never announce it to everyone until after 3 months...but hey its Christmas... and from what I have been told, the month you get pregnant, they actually count back to the 1st day of your Cycle to count that as Day 1 of your pregnancy...really I dont understand why...because we know exactly when we conceived...but like this month AF came on Oct 23, so if I got pregnant this month (all though I know when I BD) they would still count back to Oct 23... so that would mean at Christmas I would be 8 weeks... and you would be 9 right ?? Ya I know I am getting a little to carried away here... but hey POSITIVE THINKING !!!


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## so_anxious

I'm so happy that I've met you and that we keep in touch pretty much every day. You are so funny and I always enjoy reading your posts. No, I don't hate you, I 'm glad that you're chatting with me and that we can support one another. 

So, yeah, I'm off today and so is my husband. It's funny cause he works for the bank and gets the same holidays that I get. Yeah, the government and bank get way more holidays then most other jobs. That and the benefits are the only good things about working for the government. It's difficult for me since I've always works in the private sector and to move into the public sector where everything and everyone works in slow mode and has no real sense what actually happens in the real world can be frustrating. Anyhow, enough of that. :nope:

I'm glad that your family doctor can perform at least some preliminary tests before you have to go to a FS. At least if you ever have to go, you will have all that information, but I think you'll get knocked up by the end of the year. :winkwink: I really hope you don't have to go to a FS, especially if your DH isn't interested in that route. I think my DH is willing to do anything to have kids, but within reason. I'm not sure he'd spend a whole lot when he could just adopt. Although, that can be just as expensive and a very lenghty process..

As for symptoms, well, I had some crazy groin pain on the left side yesterday afternoon, I thought I pulled something and I still have it today. It was totally bizarre. I'm still dry as a bone, boobs still tender, slight cramping and temps still high. The weird thing is that the temps have been the same number for 3 days in a row, usually it fluatuates by .01 or .02 but it's the exact same for 3 days. I thought something was wrong with the BBT so I tried it again after I got up and walked around for a bit and it moved so I guess it's working. You know I would really like to believe that these are all great signs that I'm pregnant, but I'm so doubtful these days, I'm glad that your positivity is helpful for me. :hugs: Anyhow, we'll see if AF shows up tomorrow and if not, then I test on Saturday morning. Don't worry, I'll email you right away to let you know. :)

So, I have 2 more periods before xmas. If I did get preggers this cycle by xmas I would be 10 weeks. I would so tell everyone at xmas. I think I would even give my in-laws and parents a gift like a picture frame or something that said "grandma & grandpa" or something like that. tee hee, that would be a nice gift wouldn't it.


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## ttc1st_at_40

picture frame idea, litterally almost made me teary!! how simply wonderful would that be huh!!! 

hope you and hubby had a great day off today, hows the weather ? we are having a some nice fall weather.. little chilly in am but come afternoon it is sunny and 50-60 degrees 

and I am hoping all your signs are geared towards a "bun in the oven" lets just keep our fingers crossed and our prayers in check that you can skip right over tomorrow then test on Saturday!!! wooo hooo... but hey if this is not our month... we move on to next month with our heads held High... because we are on a Mission and we will PREVAIL !!! OK how'd ya like that for my pump of the day haha!! 

I told my self I was going to be nice and short with you today....as to not bore ya !! haha... 

I will be "anxiously" waiting to check this thread of ours the next few days to see what ya got to report... and I hope it is all good news !!! oh and it sounds really promising that your temps are staying up too.. right... cause right before AF I think they start dipping... ok dont want to jinx ya... 

have a nice day (off) and tons and tons of that baby dust to you!!


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## so_anxious

so, I didn't do a damn thing yesterday except lie on the couch and watch tv. I had such terrible groin pains, which are still continuing today. My hubby was really good and went out to buy me some dinner, but I think he just really wanted to go out to buy some new video game. He's such a kid!! :) Our weather was about 9 degrees so I think that's like around 50 degrees for you. We probably get similiar weather. 

Anyhow, my temp dropped a bit this morning, so it's not looking too good. I'm pretty sure AF is just around the corner, I have that pre-AF feeling. This sucks a$$. Whatever. I wish she would hurry up and come so I can start a new cycle. 

Enough about that, so are you feeling? Any new symptoms? Now, it's my turn to get all excited for you. I have a feeling this is your cycle.... I'm super excited. How's your DH doing? Does he ask you if you feel pregnant yet? My DH asks me that sometimes, I'm like "uh, I don't know?" He can be cute sometimes. 

So, do you like xmas? I love xmas, I'm one of those weirdos that loves to shop early for xmas. I usually send an email out to my family and ask them to give me a list of several things that they want so I can pick something from the list to buy them. That's easier for me then guessing and then they don't like it. I usually devote 1 full day to go to a really large mall and just shop all day with my xmas list. I'm not a fan of shopping cause I don't like large crowds and I don't like sales people harrassing me. If I could I'd do all my shopping online. Yeah, I'm a weirdo!! :)

Anyhow, baby dust to you too!!! i'll let you know if AF does show up today, okie dokie.


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## ttc1st_at_40

WOW.. groin pains gosh that does bite!! do you think you pulled it somehow ? well at least ya got dinner out of the deal... my silly husband wont cook a darn thing, if I dont make a meal he eats a whole bag of chips and salsa. then it makes me feel bad that gosh I fed my husband a bag of chips for dinner haha... but hey... I dont feel like cooking all the time !! 

Well hopin I get some good news from ya tomorrow... 

me.... well nope I dont feel much of anything... I still have a couple little things like twangs and pulls going on down in the belly area...prob nothing though, if anything its my imagination I am sure.. but other than that.. seems my temps are still high..which means my body is producing progestrone...but still no sore boobies..thought by now I usually get those with normal cycles...hmmm... but Monday I go for my blood draw to see what my progestrone level is this month... kinda looking foward to seeing what my levels are... I am hoping for over a 15 (according to my google research) so keeping my fingers crossed for that.

oh and PS.... I LOVE CHRISTMAS !!!! but this year may be a little downer for us... I just lost my Dad on August 30th of this year. (Cancer) so this Holiday I am sure will just not be the same without him. (actually every day is not the same without him) .. Actually I lost my mother 5 1/2 years ago to Cancer as well... so yep although I love holidays....really I do..I just cant help to be blue ever since my Mom died, and now this year... Its gonna be even harder, ya know.. 

I am happy your super confident for me this month... I am pretty optimistic as well!!! but I can tell ya if I get AF (this advise is for you too) I really am not going to let it get me down... I will just move on to my next cycle. (NOW see me a year from now and I am still on this thread talking about my CM and BBT...you very well may not get the same advise from me ) hahahaha!!!

baby dust to you... hope to hear from ya tomorrow with some good news... and I am going away for the night...(tomorrow) Flying to Boston for my friends surprise 40th bday... should be alot of fun!! So If ya dont hear back from me right away.. dont think we broke up or anything !! haha


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## ttc1st_at_40

Good Morning Anxious (would you mind if I knew your real name ? ) Mine is Renee.

anyway thinking bout ya this AM, wanted to check in before I got on my flight to Boston... will be back tomorrow night....hoping AF didnt get ya and you are able to take a HPT today!!

baby dust!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

That's a lovely name, my name is Monique. Thanks for checking in on me, but I have bad news. AF hit me real hard this morning. I was thinking that it may have been my month cause AF didn't show her face on Thursday or yesterday, but what a surprise I got this morning. It came on full force. It's so much that I even have a headache now. 

Anyhow, I'm not too upset, I had a feeling that I would get it, so I had low expectations. Now, I start with CD 1 on my CBFM, it was actually good timing cause even though I normally get AF on the Friday, it usually starts after my 6 hour CBFM period so I have to make Saturday CD1, this time it started within the period so I'm good.

How are you doing? It sounds like youre off on a nice little trip to visit your friend. 

I'm really sorry to hear about your mom and dad. If you don't mind me asking what kind of cancer did they both have. It's really tough losing your parents and that's pretty close together. Christmas is such a special time to spend with the people we love, I know it's going to be difficult for you. Is there anything that makes you feel better? Do you have any siblings? If so, how are they holding up? Does your DH help? If you ever want to talk about it, please don't hesitate to share how you feel or vent to me about anything. I know that sometimes its good to just write all your feeling out, kinda therapeutic. Both of my parents are still alive, but I can only imagine how awful it would be if one of them passed away much less both of them. I'm here for ya if you need me. :hugs:

So, the groin pain finally passed, I guess it was just my period gearing up or something, very bizarre though, I hope it's not something serious. I guess I'll see if it happens again next time and if it does then I'll have to go get that checked out.

I started to laugh so hard when I read about your DH eating a bag of chips for dinner. That's so funny. My DH would eat a bowl of cereal if I don't make dinner. I don't think I even cooked at all this week, I can't even remember. I wasn't feeling too great this week so I think I get a pass for not making dinner!! :) 

Well, miss thang, I've got my fingers crossed for you and I'm hoping that you get your BFP this coming week. All I'm hoping for right now is to get rid of my headache, it's like a loss of blood headache or something. :nope: Yeah i know, that was gross, but hey man, I can't think straight anymore with this pain in my noggin!! :)

Hope you have a fun time in Boston and a safe trip back!


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## ttc1st_at_40

AHHH Crap Monique... Im sorry... damn... and ya she even had to trick ya a little and show up a day or so late...ughhh!!..

I dont know bout you but I know in my younger days...I would hope and pray AF WOULD show up some months (just so I know me and my bf didnt make a mistake )...not that I got around alot, but ya know what I mean... but NOW look at us... hoping and praying just the opposite!! 

I did have a nice trip, it was a a quick trip, but a good time...always nice to be back home though.

Unfortunately looks like Cancer has gotten a lot of my relavies... My mother had throat cancer, and her parents also died of cancer, her Mom bone marrow and her dad lung. My father actually battled cancer for the last 3 years... started in his prostate..moved to lung, then it traveled all through his blood. He fought it hard for 3 years. but it took him quick in the end. My Gram on my Dads side also had Ovarian Cancer, she is still alive though, and had a large tumor removed several years ago. Its sad stuff that cancer shit. A friend of mine just lost her brother to cancer, and she is getting these braclets that say "FUCK Cancer" kinda funny/profound... and I may feel the same way... but I personally dont curse like that so wont be gettin the bracelet... now I am not a prude or anything... I just dont prefer to use the F work and speak luck a trucker either !! hahaha

anyway hope your AF headaches have left ya by now...question for ya too... this may be my imagination, but ever since I have been TTC, which this is only my 4th month... it seems like my damn AF is way more severe? I think to myself, maybe each month theres a little eggy in there trying to hold on, and thats why AF is so bad, having to work harder to wash it away....again I am a little looney...but that has crossed my mind more than once.

I go for my progestrone blood test tomorrow... so hoping it comes out good which, and would mean my Oing seems to be ok. Other than that not too many other things to report on me.....I started with the sore boobies today... but I get them during every cycle. and my temps took another little dip this am....Im not gonna get too worked up about that though... I will continue to temp... just to really see if I can pinpoint if I O'd but as I said before I think my temps fluctuate and have nothing to do with the reproductive organs at all...I just get weird headaches... and another thing people say they temp within the same hour window? do you? I dont... when ever the alarm goes off I stick the thermometer in my mouth.....but I dont time it in any way...so maybe I am not doing it right... but I am not too concerned bout it..

Ok so I decided that if AF doesnt get me I will test on Saturday. I kinda O'd a little late this month (day 15,16) and my typical luteal phase has been 11/12 days so that brings me to Saturday at the long range... but my DPO last month was really short only 9-10 days.. which may cause me some alarm if it happens to be short again this month....so if I get it anytime before Saturday I will be upset...Of course if I get it on Saturday I wont be happy regardless...but if it is before Saturday that means I have to start to worry about my Luteal Phase a little. so yep its official Saturdays the testing date... and I am telling my self I will not test any sooner... lets hope I can keep promises to myself!!

hope you had a nice weekend and chat wit cha soon!!


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## so_anxious

I totally think the same way, Renee!! My AF is heavier now that I've been TTC and I'm think that there really is a fertilized egg but somehow it's not sticking. I also have some clots this time (sorry, TMI), but I rarely if ever get that, so I was wondering the same thing. That's so bizarre that you're thinking the same thing. It's also kinda funny too!! :)

My headaches are gone now, thank the Lord. I do suffer from anemia, so I'm thinking that this loss of blood is why I'm getting my headaches and so tired too. I think I'll have a steak for dinner tonight... tee hee.. 

I got so angry at my DH this weekend that I stormed out of the house and left for like 5 hours and didn't answer any of his calls. I swear men can be such idiots sometimes. My DH's best friend got married last year September and they got pregnant the first time they tried. His wife is five years younger than me, so I guess that helps. Anyhow, since we came back from our honeymoon, my DH's friend keeps asking him if I'm pregnant yet. I told my DH that he shouldn't be asking that, cause it's quite personal and just because his wife got pregnant right away it doesn't mean the same thing will happen to me. 

Anyhow, my DH got all defensive and told me to stop over analyzing everything and basically wasn't very empathetic. I was also very emotional cause I got my AF that same morning. So, I haven't talked to him very much and he keeps asking me what he did wrong, but I tell him that I don't want to talk about it. He should bloody know why I'm upset. Whatever!! He can be a dork sometimes. Anyhow, I guess I'll start talking to him again, since he's so adorable and I can't be angry with him for very long. :nope:

As for temping, I only temp when the alarms wakes me up and then I reach over and stick the BBT in my mouth without moving too much. I've never temp within the same hour. Am I suppose to? It seems to be working so far. My temp dropped big time this morning, but I think it's because of the heavy AF, hence the steak for dinner.

Ok, this cancer thing is really bothering me now. I can't believe that your entire family suffers from it. Have you gotten checked up? That's really messed up. My brother-in-law has it in his family too. He had 4 sisters, and 1 died of cancer like 8 years ago, then his dad died of cancer 2 years ago, so now him and his 3 sisters have to go get checked like every year. 

I've never heard of the "F... Cancer" bracelet. Its a really good idea, but notice I didn't even spell it out, cause I don't swear at all, unless I'm really really really angry and that takes a lot to make me that angry.

Hey are you tracking your temps on anything like Fertility Friend, cause I thought I ovulated on day 15/16 and then Fertility Friend told me that I ovulated on day 17. Not sure how true that is because, remember last cycle, I had that 4 day LH surge (which now I believe I may have released 2 eggs during that time). But I remember you said that sometimes it take a day or two for your temp to rise. Well, my CBFM told me that I got my first peak on CD 14, so I have no idea how that works really, but I'm just going to do the every other day routine now from CD 8 to CD 21, and that's my plan this cycle. My DH can't handle the every day for 4 days thing. So, I'll try it that way for now. Well, my point is that the good thing about Fertility Friend is that you can keep track of your temps and it will show you when you approximately ovulated and if you will get your period. Well, I guess it will work for me, but as your temps fluctuate it may not work for you too well. Not sure!! Maybe it's worth a try! 

So, if you do test before Saturday, let me know how that turns out. Also, if you do have a short luteal phase, then the dr can help you out with that right. Don't they prescribe you some progestrone or something? I'm sure that's an easy fix. 

Gosh, i'm rambling on and I don't even know what I"m talking about anymore. Anyhow, let's hope we have an easy week at work. :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey I had a steak for dinner tonight, in your honor!! haha

and ya know what... guys just simply dont get it I think... my hubby definately wants kids...but I dont think there is any man capable of wanting children as much as women do...ya know ? he sometimes makes insenstive comments to like example... ok I have 3 dogs 2 of which are mastiffs and he LOVES LOVES LOVES them. last month when I got my period I said to him, "gosh I sure hope we dont have any problems getting pregnant, I am just starting to get worried"...he was like "ahh its only been a couple months". And hes right....ya know... BUT then he said... "if not we can raise Mastiffs".. I was like "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!... he was like "well ummm no not really, you love your dogs... if we cant have kids we can just have a bunch of dogs..."

I wanted to strangle him!! I did get quite upset. Now dont get me wrong...my dogs are my life and they have it better than most people I know haha... but honestly that comment just seemed so insensitve to me...and I didnt talk to him for a few hours too.. and just like you he is just so darn cute and a funny funny guy that I couldnt stay mad for long. 

as for the cancer... I did mention it last to Dr last time I went for a whole physical, and quite honestly there is not any kind of like "over all test" they can necessarily do ya know... I guess if I have some type of certain symptoms some time down the road... then my family history will then definately come into play ya know. 

And yep I am still using Fertility Friend to input my temps...Actually if you click on my ticker the one from Fertility Friend, it links ya right to my chart. You can do that too if ya want... you go to the main menu on Fertility Friend and pick ticker and do the configuring. and yep...Im still not to sure how I feel bout FF with my flucating temps...but I will continue to plug my temps in there I guess....and your right that little chart really helps me to know that I did actually O then since my temps are higher than then are in the begining of my cycle, and is only actually clear when ya see it illistrated on a chart... so I'll stick with it I guess for now... 

and so far yep... I am waiting til Saturday to test... that is the latest possible day I would expect AF.... I may give in though... its only Monday !!! gosh does not the TWW go sooooooooooooooo Slow man!!!


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## so_anxious

Wow, your temps do fluctuate, I just had a look at your chart. Well, at least you can see that your ovulated though. I fixed my signature too, so now my first ticker is from FF. Thanks for the info!

So, how are you feeling so far? I think AF is slowing down now and will be gone by tomorrow or Thursday. Thank heavens... what a bad one this time? 

So, I feel comfortable with you now to let you know that I have a blood disorder called Sickle Cell. I only have the trait and not the disease but I do suffer from some problems. Here's some info on Sickle Cell trait: https://www.ehow.com/about_5489227_sickle-cell-trait-complications.html

There's all different kinds of sickle cell, some people don't experience any problems at all, whilst others can die from it. Anyhow, I do have some problems mostly with dehydration, heat exhaustion and joint pain. All these problems happen mostly when there's a lack of oxygen to the blood, but there are triggers like cold weather, extreme exercise, stress, etc...

So, last Tuesday, I had what we call a sickle cell crisis, basically that means I had a pain episode. I had it in my right arm and it was so bad that I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. So, that's why I was sick last week and felt nauseous. I had taken some pain killers to ease the pain, but now looking back I'm wondering if I messed up any implantation that may have occurred. Who knows? I was thinking of that because my period just seemed so heavy this time, it kind of weirded me out. I've been doing some research to see if I can find any information about that, but I really couldn't find anything. I did see that people with the full blown disease have a rough time with pregnancy and can miscarry too. Hopefully, I don't have that issue. 

Anyhow, that's my big long story for today. 

So, how long have you had your dogs for and what are their names? My DH wants a dog so badly but we live in a Condo and we barely have enough room for both of us to live there. I actually own a house in the suburbs which my parents rent from me, but his Condo is closer to my work which is why we live there. We'd like to keep both my house and his condo and rent them out and buy another house for us to live in but we have to save for a down payment, so we won't buy it till early 2012. Anyhow, for now I told my DH that we'll have to wait till we move into our new house to get a dog. I'd rather have more room for the dog. 

I actually have 2 friends that can't have kids and have tried everything so they got a dog instead. The dogs really do seem to cheer them up a bit, but I think it would be nice to have a little child as well. Plus, I think it may be a tad easier to have friends babysit your child than babsit your dog. Hmm... that's a tricky one. :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

GOSH wow!! Monique... thank you for sharing that very personal info with me, and I will take it to the grave I swear !!! I did some reading on the sickle cell...from your link, and did a little more on my own.. haha.. I am a research geek!!! wow pretty tricky disease there huh, and your the first person I know that has it. Now do ya have constant episodes or just occasionally like last week ? and ya know what... I wish there was just one website that would let ya us what is good and what is bad to take while TTC or pregnant... gosh how do ya know what pain relievers to take ? aspring, ibprofen, tylonel, script pain killers etc... who knows.. 

now how long have you been diagnosed with the trait then ?? and will it always be that you'll just have the trait ? or is it possible that you could move to the whole disease? gosh I certainly hope not. Now when you have your episodes, are you able to work ? does your employeer know ? thank god it sounds like you have such a supportive husband to be by your side !!! gosh I am saying prayers for you right now... that you dont have any more of those pain episodes soon...


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## ttc1st_at_40

oh gosh as for my dogs!!! they are truly part of my family!! my oldest dog is a 13 year old chocolate lab.. yep 13... very old for lab!! love him to pieces... my other 2 dogs are a French Mastiff and a Itilaian Mastiff they are 3 1/2 years old and 2 1/2 years old they are about 160 lbs each... so need less to say I already have a house full of family members!!! haha... just looking for 2 legged ones now!!


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## so_anxious

tee hee... 160lbs each is insane. Can you ride them like a horse?? I'm kidding, of course.. :) Wow, that's huge. That's nice that you have them, I think dogs are great companions and your chocolate lab sounds adorable too. 

As for the sickle cell, I get a crisis about once a month, but they are usually mild and I can just take tylenol or use a heating pad to help with the pain. Last week, I had it so bad that I took some percocet which helps but it bothers my stomach, which is why I felt nauseous. I had another mild crisis last night and took some tylenol. My DH is extremely understanding and always helps me get the heating pad cause I don't like moving when I have pain. 

So, I was diagnosed when I was a baby and my parents told me when I was about 6 or 7, cause that was the first time I had a major crisis and was in so much pain, I didn't know what was wrong with me, so my parents told me that I had the trait. Now many doctors believe that just having the trait doesn't come with any symptoms, but I don't think there are many doctors that trully understand the trait. You can have many different types of the disease/trait. My dad has the trait too and he has it worse than me. He's been hospitalized a few times now and has surgery on his eyes too. They say you can't move into the disease, but who knows really. It seems to get worse as you get older so not sure what that's all about.

If I'm starting a new job, usually after the initial probation period, I tell my boss or HR that I have this disorder, because I normally miss work when I have pain. Typically I'm sick for 1 day a month, so that's 12 sicks days a year that I need. That doesn't include the fact that it's quite harsh on my immune system too so I normally pick up a lot of viruses, like strep throat. I normally get strep throat like 3 times a year. It's funny, just before my wedding I actually got scarlet fever cause I had strep throat and didn't treat it. I had a horrible rash all over my body, it was pretty gross, plus I had a pretty high fever. 

Anyhow, enough about that. Thanks for your prayers, that's very sweet of you. I'm hoping that this disorder doesn't affect my fertility, I don't think so, I think it's just going to make me a high risk pregnancy if I ever get knocked up. I just have to be careful.

How are you doing? Did you test yet? Man, I've got my fingers crossed for you, girl.

Hey did you ever try that baking soda douche?


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## ttc1st_at_40

WOW... just so ya know, ya got another person praying for you that that sickle cell does not turn into the full blown disease, and that your pain is as min as possible, gosh I feel for ya... and here I am complaining bout my sinus headaches!! geeze!! and you have been having episodes since you were born. Wow... I guess at this point, it is really just something you have had to accept huh? and again it is awesome you have a supportive husband as well. That is key!!!

So not too many more symptoms at all for me... boobies still sore... and temps appear to be staying up ? and still NO AF which of course is a good sign!!!!! if AF is going to come I am atleast happy I am at day 11 DPO right now... was starting to get a little worried that my LP was going to be a problem... typically its 11-12 days... but last month it was only 9 yikes.

Anyway... I am going to test tomorrow, my friend that I went to visit in Boston is also TTC, and ironically we are on the exact same cycle this month. so we agree to "test" together tomorrow morning... keep your fingers crossed for me !!!

So I am guessing your CBFM hasnt started asking ya for any sticks yet huh? maybe tomorrow ?

oh and the Baking soda deal... according to my Dr, he wants me to try that is 3 days before expected Ovulation... so will try that this next month. (if I have to that is !!! hehe)


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## so_anxious

OMG, I think you're pregnant... like seriously. You're temp is still up and still no AF.... I'm totally rooting for you Renee!!!

You have to tell me if you get your BFP tomorrow. I'm sending you lots of baby dust and my fingers are crossed for ya. OMG, I'd be so bloody happy for you if you get your BFP and then you can tell me all the symptoms you start getting and it would be so wonderful.

Gosh, I think I'm more excited for you than I would be for me!! :) 

Ok, so let me know asap. okie dokie.

BTW, I've started to drink grapefruit juice, I heard it helps with CM. I don't get much CM and I love grapefruite juice (I know, I'm weird), so I figured we'd see how it works out this cycle.

Yippee!!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

your soooo cute Monique!! thanks for the very inspiring words!!!

first of all working dif shift this week, so been on this computer randomly...

but wanted to let ya know... still no real AF yet this am so thats kinda a good sign....but...temps dippped a bit down, and a Negative on the HPT. Just one little tiny smear of light brown(sorry if tmi). But its only 9am... really thinking AF will come by this afternoon. oh darn...

hey but thats ok... if she doesnt come full force by tomorrow I will test again and if for some reason I dont get my BFP...I really am not going to let it get me down... really... I have that script of Clomid to take next month, (well for 3 cycles actually) and there are major sucess rates with that...so I am not giving up on this TTC journey just yet... I really dont want to let it bring me down...I have to stay positive and I keep telling myself that...it will happen, it will happen!! 

I know I said this before too...but ever since TTC and also this month... It really really feels like there is a bunch of stuff going on down there... like I said before my periods are alot weirder/stronger, but specifically this month ever since I O'd I just feel a ton of twangs & pulls in the belly area... I really dont know if I am just really looking for signs but I can tell ya I never never remember having all these pulls etc during my cycles... kinda like my body is messing with me.

Also now hubby giving me a "hard" time about the Semen Analysis, I called and there are like 3 places within 20 mins of us we can take the sample to to get done. But they are all morning hours drop offs. And you have to have an appt to let them know you are dropping off the sample...so a little bit of planning needs to take place... and we can do the sample at home then have to get it to them in 30 mins. I get it his thing is always evening BDing... and he just doesnt "feel" like having to do the sample in the AM. ughhhh... hes like "ill get to it, i'll get to it" well here it is the end of the week and he DIDNT. So tomorrow there is one place that takes them but we have to get it there by 10:30... so I made an appt... So crossing my fingers that tomorrow AM we get a sample to them.


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Gosh, I hope that AF hasn't showed her ugly face yet, but I'm really happy that you're keeping positive and even if AF does show up, it won't kill your spirit. I'm still crossing my fingers for ya though!! :)

Hmm... about the DH situation, it sure sounds like you're in a pickle. Are you allowed to actually "release" the semen on location? If so, would they allow you to do it in the evening? I have a feeling that your DH would not be comfortable with "releasing" himself anywhere other than his own home. My DH is only an evening guy too unless it's the weekend and then he'll do it at anytime, so maybe your DH will be in the mood in the morning. Do you know if he's annoyed with the whole TTC process? Maybe you should tell him that if you find out about his semen and if there's any issues with that then it may make this whole process faster? I don't know, I'm really reaching for straws here. Let me know how it turns out.

I also totally feel the same way that you do. I've been noticing more symptoms now during and after ovulation that I've never noticed before. I guess I'm really in tuned with my body now. 

So, my CBFM asked me to test today so it was obvioulsy a low reading, but I've started again with the POAS routine. The DH and I have to BD tomorrow night and then every other night until I get a positive OPK and then we'll try to SMEP. Not sure if my DH will be up to it, but we'll give it a try. 

I had a huge presentation today at work and it went really well, but I've been working on it for 2 weeks now and it's drained me completely. So, I'm off to bed now and I'm looking forward to your post about if AF arrived or if you get a BFP. I'm hoping for the latter! :winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

ok well got a lot more spotting today... I guess I would consider it Day 1 to be honest...little more than spotting, so basically my first light day.... : ( so I am officially out this cycle. Oh and my darn temps... they actually went up... I know I am not going to really be able to count on them.

Thats ok though.. well not really : ( but I am practising Mind over Matter haha... 

but dont worry bout me cause...I really am excited for my next month on Clomid. Suppose to give me really really strong ovulation, it is typically prescribed to women whom dont ovulate, but since I do...I will I guess get multiple folicles...and hopefully this month I will actually be able to "feel" my ovulation since it is suppose to make a stronger O for me.

just one concern I have though... I O'd kinda late this month... according to FF it was on CD16... hopefully this Clomid does not make it any longer because... CD 16 this next month for me would end up being Sunday Dec 5th... and I leave for a Florida on that Wednesday.(for Christmas visit with family) .. so hoping it doesnt delay O and I am in Florida during my most fertile time... gosh I will be soooooo upset.

Hubby didnt go get his SA done yet... had him set up for this morning... but he was "toooooooo tired" so he is set up to do it next Wednesday AM, keeping my fingers crossed he keeps that appointment. The way we can do it is he can actually go to a hospital or a lab and "do it there" in one of their bathrooms... not fun... or do it at home, but keep it at body temperature, and then get it to the lab within 30 mins. So that doesnt seem too violating to me. He did joke that he would go up to the lab office, only if I am allowed to come in the bathroom with him... I said I dont think they would allow that haha!!

I am not quite sure if he is getting aggrevated with the whole TTC process.... I do know last month I tired him out quite a bit, and hes made joking comments etc... but hes being a good sport... actually I am still quite shocked he agreed to the SA so easily...so thats why I dont want to pressure him that he HAS to do it when I say...I'll just let him do it when he "feels" like it ya know ?

so your all ready poas... love when that part of the months comes huh? seems to move along faster... actually way darn faster than the darn TWW huh? geez..

so your work presentation must have been a huge release to get over with since you've been working on it for 2 weeks... wow... gosh I hate giving presentation... thankfully I dont have to do it often


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## so_anxious

Ah crap, thought for sure you'd get your BFP. Ah well, I know how you feel, it's disappointing but you can't let you get you down, right? It's hard not too, but we have to try.

So, you have to tell me how you feel on Clomid when you start using it. I did hear that you can have multiples while on Clomid, plus you're over 35 so the chances are even higher for multiples, right? Just think of it, if you have 2, you'll get it over with in 1 shot. :)

I have a high chance of multiples too, cause my Aunts are twins and I'm 35 and well, I know it runs on the the woman's side but my DH's father is an identical twin too, so it would be super if I can just have 2 at the same time, but then it would be super expensive for daycare. :) 

Luckily, my sister has given me her hand-me downs and her sister-in-law's have given her their hand-me downs. So, I have storage unit full of baby stuff. Like 6 car seats, 5 strollers, 2 cribs, tons of clothes... I actually think I'd be in good shape if I have multiples. The problem would be being able to handle 2 babies at the same time. Ah well, I'm getting ahead of myself again. :)

So, you're going to Florida for xmas? That would be nice. Where in Florida? I really hope that your fertile period doesn't collide with your trip. I have a similar issue, the next cycle after this one is right around xmas, so I'll need to sneak away from my family and get busy with the DH if I don't get knocked up this cycle. 

You know when you started telling me about the semen analysis and your DH, I started to do some of my own investigating around here. It looks like if my DH has to provide a sample we'd have to make sure that we get it to the lab within 1 hour. So, I'm looking for a place in the area that we can go to and I found a place that's about 15 minutes away, so when the time comes, I think I have a plan. I always wondered if you can go help your DH out if he has to provide a sample at the clinic itself. I guess not???

I don't know about you but till xmas is going to be a hectic time for us, we have so many birthdays and outings that are going on between now and xmas, I'm hoping that it actually distracts me a bit from the 2ww. I just finished reading a book and I'm onto another one. It kind of helps with distracting me, I think I'll continue with it. I'm not big on reading... but I guess it's good for me... blah.

So, I'm on CD9 and the CBFM still has a low reading, I got a high at CD10 last month, but since I was a day late for AF this past cycle, I'm not entirely sure when I'll get a high. Anyhow, I told my DH about SMEP and he said he'll give it a try. I guess only time will tell. tee hee..


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## ttc1st_at_40

yes your right Monique disappointing YEPPERS....but I try to do mental blocking all the time... that I really try not to let things get me down. It works most of the time.. ie. work, hubby, friends.. now TTC... I just try to block out bad/negative/sad feelings... sure it is ok to cry and be upset and I do that sometimes (havent yet with TTC) BUT I really do try to get over things fast. and try to have the attitude.. well I got AF theres nothing I can do about it, need to move on.. i.e. My friend was suppose to be in my wedding.. decided she didnt want to.. (whatever) theres nothing I could do about it so I moved on and didnt let me get upset...

I really do think that the idea of me going on this Clomid has had a major effect on helping me move on ok to the next few months ya know.I have really high hopes. So I start that tomorrow !! I also go for my blood work to test my FSH/LH and Estridol... (thats the egg quality tests) and I am hoping for some good numbers!! fingers crossed please... wont get results til prob end of week though. 

AND I would be simply ESTATIC!!! if I am blessed with TWINS!!! gosh I wouldnt care if I had triplets!! haha!! My husbands Grand father was a twin, so dont think we would get the gene passed.. haha.. thats me reaching for twins in the family. Hey but it certainly does sound like you have a good chance!! oh that would be so dreamy huh ? Wow and your all set for twins or triplets too!! haha with all those things in storage!! your a lucky girl there!!

Yes me tooooo hoping I am not in Florida while I am ovulating!! oh gosh I will be so darn upset. I should be safe...but I am potentially cutting it pretty close...cause I typically ovulate on the CD13th, but this month was CD16th and if Clomid delays me even more ugggh!I leave on this month on CD18... !!! but on the other hand if I make it, then I will be well distracted for the first part of my TWW ya!!! 

Florida (Sarasota) is my christmas visit with friends and family down there. I soooo cant wait, While I am there I stay with my friends...and she has 3 kids!! Two of which are my God Children they are 10 and 5 and her youngest just turned 1. We have plans to go out and do a bunch of Christmas Stuff....They have a Santa Boat Cruise, a Winter Wonderland train ride etc.. it should be great. My father use to live there, and this is the first time I will not be going to see him... for obvious reasons : ( so that will be a little rough : ( (well a lot rough) 

And yes every weekend in December we have something going on...My husband has 2 Work Christmas Parties, and we have like 3 other parties to go to. Well actually next week (Thursday) is our Thanksgiving...and we always have friends that come in from out of town to visit family, and usually meet up with them on that Friday... then Saturday is my Husbands 20 year Class reunion. Which should be fun, becaues he is still friends with his friends from High School, and I know them too and their wifes (3 of them were in our Wedding) so next week starts the busy holiday season for us I guess.

oh no just realized, here I go with a MEGA long post to you hahahha!! 

Ya the SA doesnt seem as bad as I had thought... it is really nice they can do it at home, as long as you can get it into the lab within the hour. I just always invisioned a very sterile type bathroom, that my poor man has to get all romantic with him self in hahah!!.. oh and really I dont know if we would be in allowed to help...I just assumed no...haha.. hey but I guess its worth asking right ? 

hope that darn CBFM gives ya your high tomorrow...so you can get the "show on the road" good luck with the SMEP this month... gosh I think ya remembered I totally mis calculated when I was going to get my Peak and really tired out my man at the end doing 4 days in a row yikes!! we plan on doing SMEP again this month as well.


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## so_anxious

So, you started Clomid today, huh? You have to tell me how you feel and if you have any side effects? 

Gosh, I guess the holiday season is a pretty busy time for most people.

My CBFM had a low reading again today, so I think I may ovulate on Sunday or Monday according to my calculations... I guess we'll see what happens. Not sure if the DH can keep up with the SMEP cause after the 2nd day in a row, he usually gets to tired and we're back to every other day. Anyhow, he still hasn't gone for his blood test that the doctor gave him like 2 months ago. He can be super lazy when he wants to be.

Anyhow, the trip to Florida sounds terrific. I have some time off around xmas and would love to go out and do things, but my DH doesn't have any time off since he only started at the Bank in July and was given 2 weeks off for our honeymoon so he doesn't get anymore vacation days until January. boo!!

OMG, so my crazy sister-in-law came over with her husband (my DH's brother) and little daughter. She's 40 and just had a baby last February. Anyhow, I'm not fond of my sister-in-law at all. When I met her for the first time, she kept asking me what I saw in my DH and how we're two complete opposites. She even told me that I can do so much better. Who the hell says that? Really? I mean this is her husband's brother. Anyhow, on Saturday she came over and when I had left the room to get something, I heard her ask my DH if we meet online. I walked by in the room and noticed that my DH just ignored her and his brother (her husband) changed the subject. Like seriously, I had already told her that we met real briefly in a Second Cup (coffee shop) and he was meeting someone and I was meeting someone. Then he kept staring at me and then finally walked by me and gave me some paper. When I opened up the paper he had his name and email address on it. I thought it was kinda cute, he wasn't really my type, but at that time I didn't care. I was seriously trying to get over my failed engagement. Anyhow, I emailed him and we talked via email for a while before I finally called him and the rest is history. Anyhow, I'm not sure what her problem is. My DH hates the story of how we met, so he told me that I should never really tell the details of how we met to anyone. But this woman is so freaking insistant that at my engagement party she asked every one in my family. And I had warned them about her and they refused to tell her anything and told her if you want to know, ask Monique or Rob. 

The thing is that I had already told her the story, and even during dinner time when we had like 20 people around the table, she just blurts out, so tell us how you met. So, I looked at her, and said "No" and then I made up some story about how I met him at a strip club. I was trying to be funny!! 

Anyhow, I'm so annoyed with her right now. My poor DH is all upset and keeps telling me, well am i that gross or ugly that I can't be with you. I feel so badly when he says that or thinks that. I think he's adorable and I love him to death. I told my family and they're so pissed off with her. They told met that the love my DH too. I don't know what her problem is. She needs to get some help.

Well, wow, there's my novel for today. Stay tuned for tomorrow's edition. :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

what a darn witch!! seriously does she 1st of all not have anything else to worry about ? and SOOOO what even if you did meet on-line... why the hell does she care so much...like really? 

and actually I think the way you met is quite cute to be honest. Why is she not happy with your true story of "you met in a coffee shop" is that not good enough? and then keep asking you and also your family... ahhhh those type of people are so irratating. 


And secondly are you serious she actually asked "what you see in him" ? thats absurd.


heres something I do a lot to people that ask me stupid questions, or questions they are just trying to be nosey etc... No matter what they ask I always answer them with "Why?"

example.. nosey guy at work wants to know "why you leaving early today?" now quite honestly he is just being nosey, and there is really no reason for him to know.. .I dont report to him and there is really absoltely no reason why I should tell him... So when he asks I just answered him with "Why?" ... kinda catches people off guard too... 

works in all kinds of situations... haha ... Sister in law... how did you 2 meet again... you answer "why" cause you know you already told her!! and so does she!! 

Also another scenerio... my husband is out late some nights because he is a Beer Salesman.. and works late some nights, because he has to hit the "bar crowd"...sometimes I dont know exactly where he is or exactly what time he will be home... now this has been this way since I have been dating him for almost 10 years... anyway one of my friends thinks it is crazy that I at some times have no idea where he is... now I dont even think twice about it (dont get me wrong if he is really late some nights I am pissed) but as a general rule I really dont know where he is neither do I care. But she always says.. "wheres Steve" I'm like "Im not sure", "well what time will he be home"... Im like "I'm not sure" ... so this happens soooo often with her... because she continues with "I can not believe you have no idea where he is that is just so odd...I know where my husband is at all times" soooooo.. this last time I was in a bad mood, and didnt want to hear her....and she asked "where is Steve" and I said "no idea...WHY?" because she is simply just being nosey... and her answer was "just wondering" 

see it works in tons of situations... tons!! 


that darn CBFM... hmm on low again...that would be nice if ya hit your peak on the weekend... I always like when that happens... it seems like more relaxing for BD on the weekend, instead of during the week... both having to work, and tired from work etc.. and ya have to fit in some BDing as well

wow you got a 2 week honeymoon NOW thats awesome. too bad your guy doesnt have any more vacation time... but if it renews in January...thats not to long to wait right ?


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## so_anxious

That has to be the best reply ever. "Why?" I actually think I did ask her once and she told me cause she can't believe that I'm with him. I swear there's something wrong with this woman, but enough about her.

And what's up with your friend? I just don't understand why people have to be all in your business. Like seriously, do you have to know where you DH is all the time? I don't think that's possible, unless you have some kind of tracking system inserted into his body. And why would she bring that up all the time, it's like she wants you to be self-conscious or something. Who knows??? So bizarre!!

Did I tell you that my DH didn't introduce me to his family including sister-in-law till 2 years after we met and were unofficially engaged? He thinks his entire family is super annoying and extremely nosey, and well, he's right. 

Anyhow, I finally got my high on my CBFM. It's actually right on target. I got my first high on CD 11 last cycle, so I should definitey hit my peak on Saturday and Sunday, which is really good cause I think my DH can handle the SMEP during the weekend. :)

As for vacation, yeah we had a nice 2 week honeymoon, and come January he'll get 4 weeks for the year, so that would be nice too. I also get 4 weeks off so we're going to go away late April, not sure where, but somewhere nice.

How are you doing today? Has AF left yet?


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## ttc1st_at_40

GOSH super annoying and nosey inlaws!! ohhhh mmmy see what ya got to look forward to the rest of your life hahaha!! 

my in laws are decent... my husband has 4 sisters, and they are all "ok" they are all nosey though... and they are the type of people that share EVERYTHING with EVERYBODY...me and my hubby we are ALOT more private (except on here of course where I talk about my sex life with complete strangers !!! hahaha) anyway... his family is nice and all but a little kind of negative so to speak.. its a little weird... I am a super positive person, and they are all kinda like "downers"... and some of the siters dont talk to the other... so they are all gossipy, and I nor my husband never participate when they are "talking bout eachother" but they are all "ok",no big complaints but I am not really close with them, kinda strange after knowing them for 10 years ya know... but I think I know why we are complete opposites..

So ya got your high... thats cool... and yep the weekend is best for BD my last cycle ended over the weekend, and it seemed much more relaxed..

AF still here...thinking this may be the last day... hoping... and took my first Clomid pill last night... so far no weird symptoms (only been 12 hours though) haha!!

So I get to make the desert and green bean casserole for Thanksgiving... (going to the in laws for Turkey dinner) I love to cook... but happy I dont have to make the whole dinner!! haha...


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## so_anxious

So you love to cook too... that's another thing we have in common. I love to cook especially on the holidays. This xmas, my sister is actually going to make the xmas dinner... that should be interesting. She can't really cook that well. I'm thinking that I'll help her out a bit. I guess it's the thought that counts... :)

So, are you going shopping on Friday? I hear that's the best day to shop for good sales. It's probably the worst shopping day too, isn't it? I don't think I've ever made a bean casserole before, but I've had it, and it was good. What are you making for dessert?

My sister put me in charge of dessert, so I think I'm going to make a rum and raisin cake and something else, not sure... make a cheesecake. I don't know I'll have to think about that one.

So, you're not close with the sisters huh? I don't think there's anything wrong with that. In fact, my DH and I are very private as well, and we don't talk to much to his family cause they always ask really personal questions, so we just avoid them as much as possible, then they get mad at us for not calling them. Why would I? 

My family on the other hand is pretty normal and not intrusive at all, which I love. Since, they're not intrusive, I feel more inclined to tell some private stuff. You know what I mean?

Anyhow, got another high on my CBFM, I swear I think it's going to be the same as last cycle, so I'm going to test with an OPK starting tomorrow and see what happens... I'm wondering if I'm going to get a positive for 4-5 days straight again. Ah well... 

Did you go take your CD 3 blood test already? I can't remember, if you did, when do you get the results?


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## ttc1st_at_40

yes definately love to cook... I am not a good baker though... not really a desert maker...I do love deserts though!! haha... I just usually make meals... soups... apps... never was any good at deserts... 

yes Friday is huge shopping day here... but i NEVER go out on that Friday... hate the crouds... its really crazy !!!

I cant wait to start peeing on a damn stick haha!! obviously my fertility monitor is not even askign for sticks yet though...

So yes I did go for my CD3 blood tests on Monday... and results come back next week... 

great news toooooo... Hubby turned his SA in today!!! yayayayayayay!!! I am so damn proud of him... really I am... and sooooo anxious to get the results back... gosh I hope there is not going to be anything wrong there !! Results for that will prob be back next week as well. 

I could prob call on Friday to get results for my blood tests and his SA but I have decided I will wait to Monday, if the results are bad there is no reason to ruin a weekend over it... We have a lot going on this weekend... Out with Friends Friday, Hubbys 20 year class 
Reunion Saturday.. Steeler Foot Ball Game on Sunday... so my idea is if the results are bad then there is nothing I can do about immediately. so they can wait until Monday for me to find out... as to maybe not bring me down... since I got alot going on this weekend.


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## so_anxious

Renee, I'm so freaking happy that your DH took his sample in. I'm actually really proud of him too. I agree with you, it can wait till Monday, no need to think about it till then.

So, when does your CBFM ask you to POAS? Mine asks me on CD 7, but I'm really hoping that I peak on Saturday, cause if I don't then the CBFM may ask me for more than 10 sticks, which means, I'll have to buy more. 

Anyhow, I'm going to start using an OPK after work today (the smiley face one) to see how long my LH surge lasts this time.

I'm not a fan of large crowds either... I'd rather shop online, but I'm going to one of our larger malls on Saturday morning (really early) to do my 1 day xmas shopping. I'm hoping to get everything, I have my list all ready, wish me luck. 

I also have to see my MIL for her 70th birthday party, that should be boring and not fun at all, but hopefully I don't have to see her again till xmas. tee hee... I"m mean!! 

Ah well, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and a very nice weekend. Is your DH a huge football fan? My DH is all about football, he usually kicks me out of the family room cause he watches football all day Sunday, so I get to either go visit my parents or hang out in the bedroom all day. :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

HAPPY THANKSGIVING...

yes I know its not Thanksgiving for you... but I have been getting so many texts and emails this morning saying Happy Thanksgiving, and your my friend so I wanted to say it to you too!! haha.. 

also how cute when I got up this morning, my hubby had a post-it note on my phone that said "I AM THANKFUL THAT YOU ARE MY WIFE" Gosh I love that man!!!

Ya my CBFM usually asks me to start testing on day 7 too BUT this month... I purposely started it later.. so right now the CBFM thinks is only CD 4 for me but it is truly my CD6 Reason being is I will be taking my Clomid on CD 3-7 and if the CBFM always starts asking me for sticks starting on the 7th and I have Clomid in my system it will probally give me a high on my first day I pee on a stick. 

So now if CBFM still asks me for my first stick on CD7 it will really be my true CD9 and my Clomid should be "out of my system" so wont give me an automatic high...see what I mean ? well I'll let ya know if my theory works out or not haha!!

so your almost out of sticks ? last time I got mine on Amazon and that seems to be the cheapest place. Oh and really the instructions on the CBFM said that you have to use all the sticks from the same box... thats rubbish... really it is.

oh and haha I get to see the in laws today (cause its Thanksgiving) and I am hoping I dont have to visit again til Christmas too!! haha... so we are both mean !!!


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## so_anxious

Your DH is such a sweet guy, isn't he? I love to hear the special things our husband's do for us. That's just so bloody sweet!! :)

Your theory with the CBFM sounds good to me. I think it should work. I still only got a high today, but something weird happened. You know usually you see the blue dye move across the screen and then you get those lines, right? Well, my blue dye only went quarter of the way of the screen and didn't move again. I was thinking that it didn't work, but I still put it into the monitor cause I didn't have anymore urine in me (tmi) and I wasn't about to try to test at work. Anyhow, I still got a high which is norm for me, so I think it worked still. So bizarre. I also tested with an OPK last night and got a negative, so I'm thinking I may get a positive tonight and a peak tomorrow morning. I guess we'll see.

Those CBFM sticks are quite expensive, I'll have to do some research and see if I can buy them online too. I don't think Amazon.com ships to Canada so I'll check out Amazon.ca, but we don't usually have the same products as the US.

How was your Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving to you to!! Did the inlaws test your patience? I'm so dreading seeing my inlaws tomorrow, especially the SIL, although they all torment me. 

I'm feeling like I may be coming down with something. My throat is a little sore and I kinda just have the feeling of blah. My temp was normal so I don't have a fever or anything, but just that feeling of malaise. Ah well, that won't stop me from DTD with my DH tonight until Monday/Tuesday. Even if I just have to lie there, he has a job to do!! :winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey there... thinking you got your high by now right ? and maybe your + OPK as well ?? so that thing ya saw with it looking like it only went a quarter of the way across the screen? did maybe you not get it wet enough? and yes those darn sticks are expensive... but for me Amazon was the cheapest I could find. Actually those smiley OPKs are quite expensive if you get them at the local store... for me its $29.00 for 7 of them, and I found them on email for $25.00 for 20 of them, which I think I may order today.

So as for my thanksgiving dinner contribution... first of all I "bought" the apple pie.. as I do not make desserts... and you who would of that that that was such a horrible thing to do, when I got there.. they were like you "BOUGHT" a pie... meaning... why didnt I make a desert!!! oh and they said it was awful too!! WHATEVER !!!...anyway it gets better.... I burnt the darn green been casserole... ugghhhhhh!! It was going so good... not sure if you've had them or not, but you use like these fried onion things on top... well I made the whole casserole and it was tasting great put these fried onions on top, and I wanted to crisp them a little, so threw it under the broiler... well 1 min later the whole top was burnt charchoal !!! and the whole casserol now tasted burnt and smokey!!! its funny now that I look back... perhaps I wont be asked to bring anything any more... which is FINE BY ME !!!! HAHA!!

OK so got hubbys 20 year reunion tonight... need to look my best he said haha !! 

I gave hubby the "low-down" for next week... actually told him starting tomorrow is "Marathon week for us". I explained to him the details... that tomorrow starts the every other day BDing then when I get that smiley we do 3 days in a row. So far he is "okay" with the plan... gosh dont want to do what I did to him last month... cause I didnt really tell him about the smiley..I just "assumed" Id get it on a thursday.. but I didnt and we ended up BDing 4 days in a row... this time he knows the deal... every other day until smiley then 3 in a row... but SMEP says to then skip a day and do it one last time huh? perhaps well do that... but after 3 in a row... thats doubtful huh?


hope you are having a great weekend and getting to stick to that SMEP let me know how thats going....


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

I know you're busy this weekend, but just wanted to let you know that as predicted I got a smiley face on my OPK yesterday evening and a peak on my CBFM this morning, so I'm going to test again with the OPK tonight to see if I still have a surge.

Hope you're having a terrific weekend. Talk to you soon.


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## ttc1st_at_40

woooooo thats spoky!!! we just sent our posts at the exact SAME TIME!!!! you see that above there ? 

good to hear your on your peak days !!! awesome... now you got all weekend to get some nice BDing in... thats PERFECT to get the "weekend peaks" go getem girl !!!! oh and hope that darn lh doesnt surge for 4 days straight again...


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## so_anxious

That was so freaky, I can't believe we posted at the same time... too funny.

Anyhow, what's wrong with a store bought pie? Some of those pies are damn good. I can't believe they actually told you that it was horrible. Whos says that? Also, don't worry about the casserole. I agree, they may not ask you ever again to bring something, so that's even better, right. 

I just got back from lunch with the inlaws and I'm hoping I don't see them again till xmas. My DH's brother who I normally like, really pissed me off today. He's like, Monique you always laugh at everything, then she starting to mock me and pretend he was laughing like me. I was not amused. I was ready to kick him in the face, but since it was my MIL birthday, I decided not to drop kick him in the face and save it for later. What a dumb ass!

So, we BD'd last night and I've got 2 more nights (tonight and tomorrow and then I think I'll wait one day and then BD again on Tuesday. Not sure if it'll actually work, but hey it's worth a try, right???

Oh I almost forgot to tell you, that whole grapefruit theory, is working for me. I don't normally have much EWCM, so that's why I'm using pre-seed, but my DH says he doesn't care for it much, so I've been drinking tons of grapefruit juice to see if it would help. Well, my dear, it actually worked for me, I've never had so much EWCM, it's insane. Luckily I actually like grapefruit juice so that helps. I was so excited last night when I didn't have to use the pre-seed. Yippee... 

So, have fun tonight and let me know how it goes. BTW, I got a negative OPK tonight, so I'm either ovulating or have ovulated already.... I'm so happy I got a negative, last cycle that was really worrying me. I was seriously scared, I wonder if the grapefruit juiced helped with that... I dont' think so! :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

OH Monique... you are so funny.... drop kicking your inlaws!!! hahahahahaha now that would have been a good one to see... and gosh... poor you, they are so cruel... ewhhhh. All my inlaws they just never think before they talk EVER!! none of them,it seems!!! 

so the reunion was fun... as I think I mentioned couple of the guys in our Wedding my hubby has been friends with since high school and his cousin also graduted with him, so I knew plenty of people at his reunion...while he went around and remininsed with old class mates.... ended up being a fun night... I did have a few drinks though... I am certain that is not a wise thing to do while TTC but hey.. oh well right ?

oh man and Monique GRAPEFRUIT JUICE!!! I did hear about how good that is for CM. and girl I am so happy it works for you...so happy... BUT I HATE HATE HATE Grapefruits... and ya I do think your weird that you like it!! haha... just kidding of course... I know I would never be able to get down 1/2 a glass...perhaps I can take the pill form...dont they have it in pill right ? cause that would be the only way I would get it down.

ok so really cool you only had 1 day of +opk this month...perfect... I could see why if it happened to you again this month, it would start you to worry...I would be the same. And sounds like you definately were able to keep SMEP thats awesome... got good vibes for ya this month.

so as for me...CBFM... thinks its my CD7 so it asked me for stick... BUT I got a high, my last Clomid pill was 36 hours ago... so I dont KNOW.. I really think I shouldnt be on high yet... but thats what I got... again Clomid raises your estrogen I believe, so that is why the CBFM picks it up, and why I wanted to wait a few days after my last pill to start peeing for the CBFM... oh darn it I dont know... looks like this month I'll be peeing on a lot of those smiley opks (wish they grew on trees). I am a little compuslvie I start using 2 smileys a day... one at like 2pm and then another at 9pm... perhaps I should also get some cheapie internet ones, and watch if the lines get darker from day to day... then move to the smileys... 

so looks like I O'd last month on CD16 and if I do so again on CD16 this month that would be next Sunday... so I would be so excited to get my peaks going into next weekend...like I told ya I love peaks on the weekend!!! ya... but then again... as you also know...it better not be late, because I leave for Florida the following Tuesday!! I was reading some of the girls posts, that claim Clomid delayed their O by 3-4 days...ughhhh please please please dont happen to me!!!

OH AND P.S.... Tomorrow I will be calling the Doc to get my results from my CD3 blood work... and also the results from hubbys SA!!!! OH GOSH I AM SO ANXIOUS!!! (so anxious...get it :) )


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## ttc1st_at_40

ok so internet cheapies... perhaps you can offer me your advise... you have used these right...I have as well several months ago but think I may try them again... YES in addition to the CBFM and my smileys...(haha can you say POAS ADDICT?? )

I actually put a post out there a few weeks ago and didnt get much of a response... I was basically looking for a brand of the internet cheapies that people used, not just the generic term "internet cheapie" my idea now is I really think I should purchase a batch of those cheapies... then go to the smileys when I really think its almost my surge time.

Now some of the girls said they got a bag of cheapies, and once you open the bag you have to use all the sticks in it or they expire within the month? 

so obviously I would want to get ones that are indivdually wrapped so they dont expire quickly after opening the pack. 

also I guess I would like the ones that you can compare next to each from day to day to see if I can spot the progression of the line... 

does this sound like the ones you used before if so do you know what the brand of them were?


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

You crack me up, i swear. :) So, I actually haven't used any internet cheapies before, I've only been using the expensive stuff which is costing me an arm and a leg. Last month I ordered some pre-seed and it came with 2 free HPT internet cheapies, but i have yet to use those either. Hmm... Gosh, I wish I could be more helpful, but I'm a little clueless when it comes to that stuff. I agree with you though, it would save a lot of money to use the cheap stuff first and then go to the expensive stuff. Sorry, I couldn't be more helpful, I will ask around though and see if I can find out anything for you.

Well, I'm happy you had fun at the reunion. I had a high school reunion once that was set up 2 years after I graduated. It didn't seem like much of a reunion since it was only 2 years after, I thought that was kind of stupid. Since, high school, I've only kept in contact with 1 person and he was my "bridesman" at my wedding. We've been through so much that I told him that I wanted him to stand by me on my wedding day. So, I had my sister who was the matron of honour and my best friend, who was my "bridesman". It was terrific. :)

Yep, the grapefruit has served its purpose, so I'm going to take a break from drinking it now till next cycle, but hopefully there won't be a next cycle. tee hee... So, my DH has actually been really super and we've almost met the requirements of the SMEP, so we'll see what happens. I'm excited though. Also, my temp went way up this morning so I'm pretty sure I ovulated either yesterday or the day before. I'm also get some slight cramping already, which is a little new for me... I really hope this is it for me, but I still have till February to do this the old fashion way and then it'll be off for the tests and probing... what fun!! :( 

So, is CD 9 the earliest you've ever gotten a high, is it really the Clomid? I'm hoping that you just ovulate sooner rather than later. Get that over with and then you can just relax on your vacation and completely forget the TWW.

Also, let me know how the test results came out for both of you, I'm so excited to hear them. I'm thinking it'll be good results too and that we both just need some time for this whole conception crap... :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

little bummed today Monique... or actually a lot... 

my blood levels came back and my FSH was rather high this cycle (high is not good... we want it to be low) it was 11.3 which is considered high... my other blood levels were normal. Doc said to go get my FSH tested again today(which I did) to see what the effect of the Clomid had on my FSH level. So the point of measuring FSH at CD3 then take the Clomid from 3-7 then retest FSH on CD10 is to see how your body is responding. Ideally my FSH should have been lower to begin with (CD3) and if it is still high (or higher) today (CD10) then it means I have rather diminished egg reserve. Obviously it doesnt mean I am infertile or anything... but its just NOT good at all. And they say that it can change from month to month... but generally when you get a high month you pretty much are considered "high". 

as for the hubbys SA... apparently they are only 1/2 way done with it, SA measures a bunch of things.. and the Count and Morphology/Shape is not done yet, so have to wait for that to come back later this week, but they said his Mobility is only %34 which is considered low :( Normal range is 49. But his Volume is "Normal".. I am going to wait for the rest of the results to come back..but so far I am just really teary today... very unlike me... 

I have been reading up on Mobility and they said that alcohol has a lot to do with it. Gosh and my hubby loves his drinks... dont get me wrong he is by noooooo means an alcoholic, but he is definately a "drinker"... loves his wine and martinis. And gosh he sells beer for a living !!!! It is really going to be sooooo difficult to try to ask him to cut back, I think it will turn him quite bitter immediately if I mention it... and make this whole TTC for him a huge burden. I am going to go look up now... some supplements to get him on to help with the spermies... then of course wait to get the rest of his results back... but the doc said with low mobility like that, that he should go see a urologist.

I am going to continue to try to stay as possitive as possible, and will certainly not give up...but just having a damn bad day with all this news ya know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and we didnt start our SMEP yesterday... kinda busy decorating for Christmas... so we start tonight... and to be honest I am just not in the mood at all Monique...

and so you know... you are the 1st person I have told this to, (well you and who ever else on the internet may happen to be looking at our thread here) so it made me feel a tad bit better to get it off my chest.... and I have only been telling one of my friends about all these tests of mine and the Clomid and that I made my Hubby go get a SA... shes my friend in Boston that I told you about last cycle that we were testing at same time) and I will talk to her later today about it... I just cant talk to all the "girls" about it... it gets to be too much... ... I dont bring it up the whole TTC with all the girls...only if they ask of course I just say real passively "oh ya were trying".... I just dont want to hear...Oh really its been 6 months... oh keep at it... it will happen... or its all in Gods Hands... as I told ya before I am rather private... Love the girl friends but just dont like to share everything ya know.

im gonna go take a big nap now... oh ps working from home today!! which is perfect noone in the office has to put up with my grumpness!!! 

oh and last thing... I've been wanting to bring this up for a while.... in case your wondering... I do not have spell checker on here... so if you see something misspelled or bad gramar please dont think I am a dummy!! I just type really fast and I am an awful speller....so seem like quite the idiot when I dont have spell checker...but I really am quite bright!! haha (oh and I am not tooting my own horn, just letting you know I am not an idiot haha)


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,
I have to tell you that I got teary eyed reading your post and I spent a very long time trying to figure out what I could say to you to make you feel better or make you not think about this, but I know from experience that nothing really helps, but Im going to try anyway. I'm so sorry that you were so sad yesterday and if I could wave a wand to change your test results to a more positive one, I would do so in a second. I feel for you, honey. :hugs:

I was talking to my DH about this last night and told him that I was so upset that you were sad. He asked me if that means that you cant have kids and I said, no, but no one wants to hear that kind of news. He also told me that you should talk to you DH and tell him about the alcohol. I actually agree with him too. I mean we werent even sure he was going to do the SA, right? But he did, so who knows he may surprise you again and cut back on the alcohol. Also, I heard that theres a vitamin supplement called Fertilaid https://www.fertilaid.com/. I think that may help him out.

What about you, did the doctor say that you should take something to help out your eggs? Do you take any pre-natal vitamins yet? I cant remember if I told you that Im taking Preg-Vit. I dont think those help with the quality of your eggs, but I wonder if theres anything out there that does.

I also wanted to thank you for letting me know your news first. It means a lot to me, I wish I could give you a big hug right now. And dont worry about the SMEP, I wouldnt be in the mood either. I think the most important part of that plan is the 3 days in a row. I mean I think the every other day part is really so that the sperm stays fresh. Well, thats just my theory anyhow. I mean I personally dont think sperm can live in your body for more than 3 days. 

Yeah, you know some people need to be more sensitive about TTC. So, what if its only been 6 months when youre TTC it feels like years and the total disappointment you feel when you get AF every cycle is personally a really crappy feeling. I totally know what you mean, by not telling all the girls. My DH is invited to a Christmas get-together with 2 couples who have little babies and he said that he doesnt want to go. I feel the same way, cause you know all their going to talk about is their babies and then theyll start asking you about having a baby and that it takes time and you need to relax and not think about it shut the hell up, is what I say. How can I not think about it? Ive been reading these damn novels lately to distract me and do you think its working uh, no. I am enjoying the books though, but how do you not think about it, seriously??

Anyhow, my dear, Im here for you and if you need to get anything else off your chest, please do so. Its funny how weve never met, but I feel like Ive known you for a very long time. I like that feeling!! &#61514;

Dont worry about the spelling either, Im not the greatest speller either and I dont use spell-check on this thing. In fact, there are some words that we spell differently here in Canada than the US, so I totally dont think youre an idiot. I actually think youre quite intelligent and the fact that youre a software analyst, that gives you brownie points. &#61514; 

Let me know how youre feeling today. Okie dokie.


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey Monique...

thanks for the pep talk... it helps really

I am still very sad, but trying to be optimistic, because I am not giving up thats for sure!!!...I already know the damn "age factor" is against me, now finding this out the diminished egg reservere and the low mobility with hubby just will make this whole TTC so much more difficult....damn it!!!

According to all Docs and/or FS there is really nothing you can do with FSH levels, it basically is " it is what it is" they do these FSH test basically to see where your egg reserve is, and of course as you know it is only 1 of a zillion factors that play a role in TTC, of course you have to be sure to ovulate, and be sure you have CM and be sure you have progestrone and estrogen etc etc etc... but to start off with perhaps bad eggs to begin with... that makes it all the more harder. 

ANYWAY...I did spend the day yesterday doing some research on natural things that "lower your fsh" and there are a couple natural supplements like royal jelly, bee pollen and wheatgrass... sounds delightful HUH? NOT HAHAHA!!! so I am gonna make a decision today on what I want to start on and order something I guess.

As for hubby, told him that 1/2 his results are back and that so far the mobility is low, and my doc said next step in that area would be to see a urologist, which he said "ok sure" ...he said he has seen one before (I didnt know that) said that in the past he has gotten some "tightening" down there, and went to see the doc. So I want to wait for the rest of his results to come back, and get a copy of those results, so he can take it to the urologist.

I also started to panic a bit, and told hubby... hey we dont have any "time" to be messing around trying naturally...since we know we have some of these factors against us now, that perhaps we need to not delay and go see a FS sooner than I had though. It would be different if I was 10 years younger, and had some matters against us, but at this age, there is not any "time" and we should prob go see a FS, just incase there are some more tests that should be run on me. Example some scanns, perhaps an HSG (those all have to come from a FS). again my OB/GYN is an old school doc, and I think I have gotten all I can out of him, but it is time for me to see a FS... WELLLLLLL hubby says... sure I see the point in going...but I have heard horror stories of people spending $1000's and the doctor promises them a child and theyre is not a guaranteee. I just simply said well we need to make an appointment to have a consult, see what they say...see what can be done/tested etc. And I am going to get on that as well. Again all FS are private and even an office visit is not covered !!! ugghhh... hopefully it will all pay off in the end.

oh and we did BD last night... it was like 7:30 and I didnt even make dinner (this was before I told hubby bout results) and he said "ok lets go" and I said "naaaa I dont feel like it... and he was like, "hey we didnt yesterday... so we HAVE to today, right? your the one that told me we have to every other day, and so far we are already late, so get your butt up stairs!!! " Gosh I love him to pieces...

I have not brought up the alcohol consumption yet... I want to wait til the rest of the results come back, and mention it to him, I am also certain that the urlogist will tell him as well. 

ok so I while I was sitting here, my credit card company called me to verify a potential fraudulant charge on my account....from an hour ago, used in a direct catalog order from FRANCE!!! and a hotel charge in New Mexico. Thank god they do monitoring, because neither one of those are mine, and they had to close the card and sending me a new one... p.s. I have the card in my wallet, so someone somehow got my card number.... rather a pain the arse cause, I use that card to directly pay a bunch of bills.. cable, vet, netflix,cell phone, electric bill etc... pain now I have to contact all of them and give them a new card number!! ugghhh... gotta run and go take care of that now... I'll catch up with ya later...

p.s. your in the TWW... hope your not "so_anxious" haha!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey Monique!!! got something to tell ya !!!

I was calling around, to some fertility clinics in the area... and the PRICES were sooooo expensive... the inital consult was appx $300 then simple tests like HSG was $600 (hsg is usually the first thing FS will do... checks if you have any blockage). So I decided to check with my insurance company, to see if I had ANY coverage at all, thinking that perhaps they would atleast cover the initial consult... AND GUESS WHAT!!!!! I am shocked BUT I DO indeed have some coverage!!!!! it is considered a under my Reproductive Endocrinology Drs Network list. yayayaya!! So I have a small copay for the initial visit, then all lab work, blood work, xrays, ultra-sounds, or imaging is covered at %90 as well!!! oh and p.s. got some GREAT GREAT NEWS...!!!! I got an appoitment with a FS next Monday!!!!! yayayayaya.... 

oh and p.s. i checked their website... and if we have to do IUI (that is not covered by insurance) but this place only charges $275 for it...well they typically want you to do 2 per cycle.. say the day before O and the day of O... so that would only be $550 (obviously IVF would be 20X that but their website didnt say) but the IUI sounds so reasonable compared to what I was thinking. Well that also does not include if they want you on some type of heavy fertility drugs as well with the IUI which could be up to $2000. but hey I may be jumping ahead of my self... 

could NOT wait to share the awesome news with you!!


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## so_anxious

OMG!!! Im so freaking happy for you. Thats so amazing that almost everything is 90% covered under your insurance. At least now you can just go straight to see the FS and not waste anymore time. 

Geez, I should check my benefits too and see if Im covered. Thats crazy. Wow, thats such good news. Im totally excited for you now. So, is your appointment the day before you take off for Florida? Ah man, this is so exciting. You have tell me everything that the FS says and all the tests they do on you. 

I dont think youre jumping ahead of yourself, I think its good to have a plan in place and an estimation of potential costs. Can you tell Im a project manager??? &#61514;

Im quite happy that youre happy now. I think this may have helped a little with your funk, right??? Yippee!!!

BTW, your DH is awesome Im glad hes being a good husband to you. And also, what the hell is up with your credit card??? I had the same thing happen to me recently and I only use it to automatically pay my cable bill and storage unit. Its so freaking annoying having to change everything now. Freaking thieves!!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

YEP GIRL!! I am jumping out of my skin EXCITED!!!! 

THANKS for the quick reply!! haha I was like(to myself) oh goody Monique replied already!!! 

and yes my appt is next Monday... and I actually leave on a 7 am flyt Wed (I thought it was Tuesday night but I am silly I forget things..just checked my confirmation email fthis am) so if by some chance my O is delayed I still have until Tuesday night to get one last BD in... really crossing fingers!!

oh and my hubby... gosh he is the best!! love him.


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## so_anxious

So, how are you doing today? Are you feeling any side effects or symptoms of the Clomid? Is your CBFM still on high? 

I forgot to turn mind on today and had to call home to get my DH to do it for me. I wasnt sure if it would be an issue if a missed a day even after I ovulated. Hmm Ill have to investigate that. I think theres an internal clock in there, right? So, if I miss a day and I turn it on the next day, then it should give me the right CD day, right? Ah well. 

So, Im now 3 dpo, I had to reset one of my tickers, as it was saying 4 dpo. No symptoms so far, I guess its way too early. Have the regular sore boobs, mild cramping, fatigue, etc I did have a sore throat and runny nose this morning but I just think thats because its colder outside now. Not sure if those are even symptoms. My temp went up slightly again today, lets hope it stays there for a very long time!! &#61514;

Im going to see that new Harry Potter movie with one of my coworkers tonight and guess what, weve both decided that were going to be really bad and have nachos and a hot day each Isnt that wicked of us??? Tee hee Im so sleepy today blah.


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## ttc1st_at_40

yes I am a tad out of my "funk"... cause of the good news on my FS visit for Monday and trying to keep my hopes up for picking up some more test results tomorrow (which are the rest of hubbys SA and my CD10 blood results..(to see how my body reacted to the Clomid) )

and yep CBFM still on high, negative OPK tonight again.. so far this is my 5th month on the CBFM earliest I have gotten my 1st peak day was CD13 and latest CD15... so should be any day now!!! please please come soon.

and nope really no side effects at all from the Clomid, one night for about 5 mins I had some weird visions, I was seeing some floating spots,really weird, kinda felt like I was on LSD (not that I know what feeling like being on acid would feel like, but you know what I mean) but that was it.. no hot flashes, or headaches, or moodiness or spotting... like a bunch of other girls have reported. I was expected to feel some O pain though...i never really get it, and was told that Clomid should intensify O and I should feel it... but havent had any cramping yet... I really hope to though... will let ya know..

and so far keeping up with SMEP, still on my every other night!! I was so involved with myself the last few days, forget to ask if you got to do your 3 days in a row ok? and did ya skip and do 1 last one on Monday ?

ooohhhh also.. as for setting the CBFM...after I have reached my O and get my 2 peaks then my 1 my 1high, then low... you really dont have to hit it every day after that... I never turn on the monitor again until AF comes (the next month)..... you really dont need to turn it on in your whole luteal phase, just no reason, some people do it to "stay in the habit" of it.. but technically its not necessary... ok so thats my tidbit for the day haha!!

oh gosh your catching a little cold? now your blood condition does that bring on any flu symptoms? or is really the flu? I am sure ya know the difference huh? also have you had any pain episodes lately?

So how was your night out and seeing Harry Potter? and your Nachos!! ummm that sounds sooooo good!!!


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## so_anxious

So, I didnt end up going to see Harry Potter, my coworker was sick and we rescheduled for next Wednesday. I was so sad, cause I was totally looking forward to the nachos boo.

Anyhow, that LSD comment was hilarious I totally know what you mean, Ive never taken LSD either but I can only imagine how you must of felt. Yesterday, the lights at work were flashing on and off, at first I thought it was because I was blinking, but then I thought I was going blind. Then someone asked me did you just see that, did the lights just go on and off? Sheesh, what a relief someone else saw that. &#61514;

Well, we almost did the SMEP, after the third BD day, my DH was like, thats all I can do for now ask me again in about a week. What a guy? Hes decided hes going to work out now so he can have more energy for these BD sessions. So, now hes been running everyday, which surprises me. I think Ill join him. I was running every morning at 5am for a year before my wedding, but I stopped as soon as I got married. Tee hee I guess its good to start it up again, plus my pants are starting to get a tad snug around the waistline. &#61514;

Anyhow, I think I got in enough BDing, if not well just try and try again till it works, right??

As for the CBFM, I always wondered if I needed to turn it on in my luteal phase. Its kind of my habit now since I take my temp in bed then get up to see the number in the washroom and then turn on my CBFM, then take a shower to get ready for work, but some reason yesterday I messed up my routine. So, thats good to know that I dont have to turn it on or if I forgot its not a problem. 

So, test results today, huh? Hopefully theyre promising and if not, then your FS will help you out. I also heard about all these women have crazy symptoms while on Clomid, thats why I was asking you. I also heard that it makes you dry, but you said that youre on Conceive Plus, right? 

Hows your DH doing? Mine is good, as I said, hes working out now and hes getting into this TTC now. Hes working with a bunch of guys that either have kids or their wives are pregnant, so hes getting all this free advice and hes getting really excited now on the prospect of having a little baby. Hes too cute.

So, I also had a sore throat again and runny nose, so I must be catching a cold, its going around in the office, hence my coworker calling in sick. Since I have this blood disorder my immune system is crap, so Ill catch anything and I usually get sick around Christmas. Its weird, but I guess its also the time of year to get sick. I havent had a pain episode since the last one. Im hoping I dont have one between now and my period cause I think it screws up with any potential implantation. 

Still no real symptoms so far, except the usual sore boobs, fatigue, cramps, but its still real early. Cant wait for a bfp!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

OH darn no Harry for ya this week? and no nachos!! I dont know whats worse!! haha..
no but seriously I did hear it was a good movie, so enjoy next week. 

ya that darn SMEP gosh it is stringent huh? but I have to say ... you&#8217;re the project manager... I dont know....you may not have hit your "milestone" hahaha!!! 

That is sooooo awesome your hubby is getting excited... and started running!!....wow it shows hes serious about this TTC huh!!! thats sooooo cute... and I have to be honest I as well worked my butt off before the wedding.... and yep since the wedding well that is a different story... I have been slacking a lot lately, and havent exercised as much as I should... we even have an huge elliptical in our spare bedroom, I did dust it off just yesterday... !! need to get on it more... I know that the whole TTC thing to I really SHOULD be exercising... there just doesnt seem to be enough time in the day and GIRL... I feel old some times...and have to take at least an 1-2 hour nap every day after work, YEP... I typed that right 1-2 hours everyday!! I'm like a baby myself!! haha

I usually catch 1 big cold each winter myself, ironically it is usually around Christmas as well.... hoping your flu is going away.

As for me... I did get my blood results back today.... my FSH level was actually lower than CD3 which is quite confusing, I dont know how that is possible, because if anything Clomid is suppose to raise that level. So I will take all those results to the FS on Monday... and hubby :( the rest of his results came back and now more bad news... not only is his mobility low... ya his "sperm concentration" is also low. So when I go to the FS on Monday I will talk to him about all of his results...because it is quite confusing... low mobility, low concentration, but normal morphology and normal volume... so perhaps the FS will let me know exactly "how bad" all that is. So anxious for this FS dont worry I will tell ya all about it.

So Saturday night is my hubbys big work Christmas party, and tonight I will be meeting one of my friends after work for a coffee, and "new outfit shopping"... so I plan on getting a new dress, new shoes, and a new coat!!! that all should make me feel better huh !!! you got any big plans? Oh gosh and my hubbys one sisters bday is on Sunday&#8230; I haven&#8217;t mentioned it all week hoping we &#8220;don&#8217;t&#8221; have to go over to his parents house, keep your fingers crossed for me !! haha they just bring me down&#8230;they really do!!!(gosh I am so mean)

oh... and good news... got a positive OPK last night&#8230; and yep ya, you guessed it a High on CBFM this AM&#8230;.. so that Clomid really didnt delay my O after all... !!! ya for me... but still no O pains??... hoping to feel some later today, as darn it.. I never get O pains. Some report major major O cramps ...even when not on Clomid.... and claim they "know" exactly when they are Oing... I am sooooo jealous of that... do you get much O cramps ? I have to go strictly by the CBFM or OPKs because I have no CM at all and no O cramps... darn it!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

Yeah, I sure didnt hit my milestone. My DH always jokes with me and asks me what the critical path is. Then he giggles like a little school boy. What a weirdo!! &#61514; 

Gosh, I thought I was the only one that took naps after work. Im glad that I have some company now! Usually right after O day, I get so freaking tired, like seriously. Ive been going to bed around 8-9pm. Its insane and I usually sleep right until the next morning. Thats a lot of sleeping. 

Im still getting a sore throat and some phlegm in the mornings, but now Im really thinking its just because the window is open in our room. Not sure, but maybe I should get a humidifier. Have you use those, are they good? I remember when I was a kid, my parents had a huge one and I was always scared of the little mist that came out of it cause it reminded me of steam from a kettle. I got burnt a few times by the kettle!! :)

So, it looks like your fertility may be ok, but your husbands is in question now? Hmm it does sounds a little fishy so hopefully the FS will be able to let you know if its bad at all. I use the FF chart library almost everyday, yeah, Im obsessive, looking for charts that are similar to mine from women who got pregnant. Anyhow, I notice there are quite a few people that have to deal with male fertility issues yet they still end up getting pregnant. So, theres always hope, but yeah, I know it may take a bit longer, which sucks. We need our BFPs today!!! 

OMG, so youre going shopping today yippee.. I love shopping when its for a new dress for a party otherwise Id rather shop online. Do you know what color youre going to get or are you more interested in the style? Also, I love buying new shoes for a new dress. I think I have a fancy pain of shoes for each fancy dress. Except guess what, my wedding was a black and white affair and I had touches of black on my dress (black straps and a black ribbon type thingy) anyhow, I actually used a pair of fancy black and rhinestone shoes to wear with my wedding dress (finally figured out how to add pictures, so Ive attached a few). Yep, thats me!!!

Anyhow, enough about me, Im going to prayer tonight that you dont have to go over to your SIL and no youre not mean. It sucks when youre feeling pretty good about yourself or life and then someone just brings you right down. I hate that, so hopefully you dont have to see her or the family doesnt say anything stupid.

Well, Im quite happy that your BDing isnt going to be messed up by a late ovulation, so the TWW will fly by when your in florida. I do get ovulation cramps and spotting, which I never noticed before until I started TTCing. I get it every cycle, some are worse than others too. This cycle it was quite mild. Yours could be quite mild too that you dont even notice it. its possible! 

Anyhow, get to BDing and let me know how the dress, shoes and coat shopping goes!!
 



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## ttc1st_at_40

ahhhhh you guys are soooooo cute!!! so awesome to put a face to the name!!! my new bff monique!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE the black and white... that is awesome, gosh you guys look so HAPPY!!! 

we have so damn much in common huh, both nappers, both newlyweds, both ttc, both have fantastic hubbys!!! and both love shopping!!! 

thank you for your prayers... haha... they are just all "debbie downers" just dont feel like seeing them all....heck I just saw them all last week for thanksgiving... think thats enough for a while... I told hubby, hey you can go over every week, but I dont need to. I think it is great he wants to go visit every weekend, I say 'GO FOR IT' but I really dont like to go, so there is really no need that I go every weekend too... ya know...

yes and I am soooooo excited... I will be in my TWW in Florida so hopefully it breezes byyyyyyy... 

ok I SO I tried to put some photos in... how did you do that... I see the icon to insert photos, but it looks like it is looking for a web address? how'd ya do that ?


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

So, I just woke up at like 4am and couldn't go back to sleep, it's crazy cause I was sooooo tired last night and wen to bed at 10pm, but I guess I got all the sleep I needed. 

Anyhow, yeah we do have a lot in common which is why we get along and like to chat to each other. I had a difficult time as well, trying to figure out how to add pictures and then I realized the little paper clip icon which as I'm sure we both know means attachments. i was like, doh, I guess I could attach pictures then. I'm not sure why they even have that other "picture" icon if it only uses links. What a weird thing!! Anyhow, you can click on paper clip to attach any of your pictures you want.

I think I mentioned that I got my thank you card pics the other day, so today, the DH and I are going to put the cards together and then I'm going to start writing in the cards. I think I'll aim for 10 a day, we'll see how that goes. I only have about 70 couples to send it to, so I'm hoping I get it done by end of year.

So, how was your DH's xmas party? Did you have tons of fun? What did your dress look like? I went to pick up an xmas tree with my mom and sister. I have an SUV, so I had to help them both by putting the trees in my car and dropping them off at their houses. It was a fun day, my DH didn't come with me cause he told the cleaning lady (yeah, we're lazy ass people) to come at the wrong time so he had to stay home and wait for her. Anyhow, my sister was nice enough to take us all to lunch, so that was fun too. Then I hung out with my parents and wrapped xmas gifts.

Today, I'm just going to chill out. Been feeling a little funny lately, still feeling funny in the mornings. This morning I woke up with a sore throat and funny nose again. 

Ah well, so are you going to the SIL? Hope not!!! Hmm... i just had a craving for some chinese food at 6am... wow, I must be knocked up!! lol


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## ttc1st_at_40

wooow you were up early !! man ! 

we had a late night, so my butt stayed in bed until 9:30 !! :) 

and the christmas party was just so much fun, its a really nice one, bout 200 pep, sit down dinner with Lobster tail!! kinda like a wedding reception!! really nice! got my self a new dress basic black short dress with a fancy gold collar...and a black faux fur coat that is really really warm, tried new shoes but darn it when I got them home and put panty hose on, my feet slipped right out of the shoes!!! I am lucky I had another pair that went well with the dress. So a good night with a great outfit...and hubby told me I as the prettiest one there :shy:...gosh I love him...

oh my.. the thank you cards were the worse!! doing 10 a day is a GREAT idea, so you dont get burnt out... yes we have to do them...but gosh cant say they were any fun at all

what about you.. hows the dreaded TWW ? well hoepfully you got to just hang out all day and get that cold to go away!! getting any more symptoms or just the cold ones ya have ?? 

as for me another football game tonight... well we have one once a week, think I mentioned this before...but our team is the Pittsburgh Steelers, and there pretty much isnt 1 person I know that doesnt watch the game weekly (well except you of course haha) but ya we are a big foot ball state... everyone watches the games... this weeks game is 8:30 tonight... so it will be a nice night in for us to watch the game..

oh and get this NOOOO i dont have to go to the inlaws tonight for my SIL bday... now the bday party is next sunday... so I fly in (next) Sunday at 5pm from my trip from Florida and my hubby will pick me up and we'll have to go straight to the "party" :brat: AHHH just when I thought I was gonna get "out" of seeing them... haha guess the jokes on me!!!

oh sooooo here is why I dont think temping will work for me... if ya look at my FF link... it is showing that my O day was Thursday... which I do not believe... my first +opk was only thursday night, my first peak on the CBFM was Friday... and I did finally get some really weird O cramps Friday from like 6pm-9pm... BUT I think cause my temp showed a spike on Thursday AM, that FF is showing I O'd on Thursday.. I just really dont think so though. I think I did on Friday for sure... so my test day will be Dec 15th!! whens your AF due aka your test date? 


oh I had to hit the button that said "go advanced" to see the "paperclip" and many other options on here... but my darn pc is blocking the "pop-up" to to the attachement... weirdest thing ever !! I try again. darn it !!


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## ttc1st_at_40

crap I tried to attach the photos again... and it is not letting me... I even tried to send ya a private message on here but didnt see an option with the paperclip there, maybe send me your email address and I can do it that way... just so we know what eachother looks like !!


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## so_anxious

So, I went back to bed around 10:30am and slept till 12noon. I didnt want to get up but I figured if I slept now, I wouldnt be able to sleep later on. I went back to bed at 10:30pm and pretty much slept through the night.

I dont know about you, but we got a ton of snow yesterday and this morning. So, the Christmas party was a blast, huh? Thats terrific, I love going to Christmas parties, especially the ones that are like weddings, the whole sit down dinner and then dancing. Now that I work for the public sector, we dont have that kind of stuff and my DH has a weird party too. The bank is having a sit down dinner and dancing but no spouses. My DH works in the Marketing/IT dept. so he said who am I suppose to dance with the 4 guys I work with? I thought that was kind of funny, plus theyre having it on a Thursday nigh. What fun is that? Well, I guess its still better than not having one at all. Did you have any prize giveaways at the party? I love winning prizes tee hee..

So, I put all the thank you cards together (pictures inserted into window frame of card) and I did about 8 last night. I guess thats a start. I need to go buy some stamps now, so I may go at lunch time. Depends on if I feel like walking in the snow.

As for my TWW, I have no idea if the symptoms I have are from PMS or Pregnancy. I pretty much feel the same way I did last few cycles, with some new stuff, but like I said not sure if its PMS or what. Im going to think positively and say, I will get my BFP on Friday!!!

Anyhow, the symptoms are, super sore boobs, like painful, and on the sides and in my armpits. I also have, creamy and watery cm, sharp pains in my right side ovary area, backache and last night I had a nightmare. My temp went up a little, its actually been pretty steady for since ovulation, not sure what that means.

So, my DH is totally into Football too, he loves it, he has some kind of Fantasy Football thingy, I have no idea what thats about but it keeps him out of trouble. My DH is an Eagles fan, so he watches it every Sunday, Monday and Thursday, I think. I cant be bothered, I go into the other room and read a book or watch tv. Im more into soccer myself. &#61514; 

Im terribly sorry that you have to go see your SIL, I know, it sucks a$$ doesnt it. I know Im not going to see my inlaws till Christmas eve and Im all ready for someone to piss me off. I aint taking any crap from any of them anymore, plus if I put up with them now, theyll just walk all over me. That aint happening, its a brand new day. Tee hee!!! 

Your temp went super high this morning, geez!! The only thing I trust the temp for is to know that I did ovulate and to give me a warning when it drops that AF is arriving. Besides that, I dont trust any of it. In any case, Im glad you felt ovulation this time and Im hoping you get your BFP this cycle. 

Let me know what the FS says, okie dokie. Good luck with your appointment.


P.S. I sent you a private message with my email address.


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## ttc1st_at_40

Good Morning Monique!! 

saw your Private Message so when I am done here I send ya off an pix of me and my sweety...

Awesome ya got all the Thanks yous put together, now ya just slowly gotta get them filled out huh? now will you also be doing Christmas Cards ? those are also a pain in the behind huh? ya I will tackle that task maybe next week.... ugghhhh... at least I have a nice list to go by... I figured everyone we invited to the wedding will also be our new Christmas card list... good idea huh?

so WAIT A MINUTE!! your symptoms SOUND sooooooo good Monique!!! maybe this is your MONTH!!! WOW I think so

ok so for my FS visit... first of all Loved Loved my Dr... he was quite amused by all the info I already had for him... he didnt have to waste his time on me telling me what FSH is, and how to time Sex etc... I already had that all figured out.... he chuckled at me more than once. 

So he said...if we are not pregnant already this month... next cycle he wants me to continue on the Clomid... said my results from my blood from this month shows that I absolutely responded great to the Clomid... (great news) and then he wants to run 2 tests on me... first one is like an HSG but is one with Saline its called a sonohysterogram,
the HSG one is with Iodine, but this one is with Saline, and they do an internal scan (I think) and flush saline through to see if your tubes are open, and if there are any fibriods etc... then the same week he wants to do a Postcoital, which is a test that me and hubby has to have sex, then 2-4 hours later I go into the office and they take a sample of my CM to see if the spermies are mixing well and penetrating. Sounds interesting huh? and from these results of these 2 tests we will take it from there.... oh and the best news yet... He is not TOO concerned of hubbys SA results... he said sure they are low, but they are THAT low... Hubby was certainly happy to hear that... he also said at this point he doesnt even think hubby has to go to urloogist yet!! nice huh? so lots of great news..some testing coming up next cycle... and hubby has agreed we can do IUI if need be... but that wouldnt be the next cycle it would probablly be the one following... YAYAYA!! HOPEFULLY I dont need all that though!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

I got your pictures and all I have to say is "absolutely lovely". Your dress is beautiful and you and your DH are stunning people. Plus I have to tell you too that you don't look a day over 25 years old. I can't believe you're 40, OMG. Are you sure you're 40?? Good grief. Your dogs are super cute too. I showed my DH and he loves dogs, he got all excited. :) 

Anyhow, I'm super happy that your appointment went well and that your FS seems like a good guy. It's also great news that the SA is not so bad as it seemed. Those tests that you're going to get is really good too. I always wondered if my tubes were clear and open as well and I think I may have some fibroids though. My mom and sister had them so I think I probably have them too. The Postcoital test is something that I've never heard about but makes a lot of sense to see if your cm is hostile or not, right? 

Well, my dear, some weird news.. I'm at home sick today cause I got seriously sick as I was in the shower this morning and thew up a couple of times but nothing came out, so I guess that would be called dry heaving. I'd like to stay positive and say that I'm pregnant, but I can't seem to stop thinking about the fact that I had some Chinese food last night that may have caused the nauseousness. So, who knows??? I haven't taken a hpt yet cause I've been drinking tons of water and I think it's really diluted right now, so I don't want to waste a test. I'm only at 9dpo too which still seems kinda early. I still think I'll wait till Friday morning to test. My temp did go up again this morning, I mean it all does sound really good, but I'm such a skeptic these days. I just dont' want to be let down you know. 

My DH had to help me out this morning cause I was feeling so ill and he asked me, "can you get morning sickness and not have tested positive on a test yet?" I was like, "hell if I know!"

So, keep your fingers crossed for me!!! Are you going to be checking these posts while your in Florida? If not, then don't worry I'll send you an email if I do get my BFP and even if I don't. But let's hope I do!! :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey thanks Monique... and can ya tell my hubbys and Irishman !! hence what they say about the Irish loving their Lager!!! yep I got my hands full with this one!! and yes arent my "boys" all define!! they are just the best family I could ask for !!! oh and haha ! yes unfortnately I am 40... wish I was lying... Actually I do lie sometimes when people ask me... still have people confused at work when I tell them I am 28... but have been 28 every since I started 11 years ago!! haha!!

wooooww weee... I am thinking you DO have some mornign sickness... wouldnt that be GREAT... I certainly hope its not some stupid bug thats gotten, you... it would be much better to have to go through that if ya knew it was a little bean stuck in your belly huh ? 

I will be trying to jump on these the internet while in Florida, probally mostly from my iphone....so yes please please please try to keep me posted. I may not be able to respond with super long posts like normally (luck for you haha) if Ill be using my phone, but will definately check in on you.!!! or shoot me an email (since we have eachothers address) have a good rest of the week and weekend... oh and happy happy sticky thoughts to you!!!


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## so_anxious

Yes, I can definitely tell your DH is an Irishman. Hes too cute. You look like you have a terrific family and now you just need that little baby for the added touch!! Right!

Do you work with younger people? Well, youre in IT right, so you probably work with lots of men too. Does your DH ever complain about that? I work with a bunch of people that are all around 30 and were all getting married and having kids at the same time, so there are currently 3 women on maternity leave in a 20 person department. I know that Im trying to have kids and another coworker is trying also, so the department is going to have to hire a lot of temporary people soon!! &#61514; 

Didnt sleep very well last night, had a horrible sharp pain in my right ovary area, Im hoping its implantation or something. I guess well find out on Friday if Im knocked up or not. My temps went up some more this morning which is a positive sign cause last month it had started to drop at 9 dpo so Im thats a good thing, but AF did arrive late so who knows what the hell that means anymore.

I will definitely email and/or post you while your in Florida to keep you updated and not to worry I know youre busy so I wont expect a response everyday. Just make sure you have fun and hopefully by time you get back (when are you getting back) youre telling me about your BFP. This is all so exciting!! &#61514;


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## ttc1st_at_40

Ovary pain that's perfect! 

Havin fun in Florida, bit chilly tho, but not even close to how cold it is at home. 

My temps are weird? I have an iPhone app for ff so i can just plug them in and they sync to my web ff. 

I'll check in later.... 

P's I'm Home Sunday evening but straight to sil party : (


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## so_anxious

Nah, I don't think it's good news anymore. I actually think I may have a cyst or fibroid or something. My mom had one of her ovaries removed because of a cyst and my sister had fibroids, so I think I probably may have one or both. I really think that may be the pain I'm feeling and it's not pregnancy symptoms at all. Remember last month, I had some serious groin pain, well, it's making more sense to me now why I had that. 

Anyhow, I see what happens tomorrow and I'll let you know. I have an appointment with my family doctor on the 20th, so I'll tell her about the pain I'm experiencing.

So, you're in Florida now!!! Yippee... Well, have a fantastic time except when you're at your SIL.... Blah, who wants to go there????


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Hope you're doing well... Just wanted to let you know that Af arrived today and I was pretty upset earlier today, but I'm ok now. I'm ready to start another cycle, but I'll have to tell my family doctor that I think I may have a cyst or fibroids cause I had such sharp pains this cycle, nothing like I've ever had before, so I think there may be something wrong. 

Anyhow, hpeing you're doing well and are having fun in Florida.


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## ttc1st_at_40

HEY there Stranger... im back!!!

so sorry Monique that AF gotcha... damn thing huh? 

gosh and your pain... ahh I feel so bad for you.. now is it constant pain now ? you think you should wait until the 20th? or maybe make an appointment with your OB/GYN a little sooner? this saline test they want to do on me next cycle is suppose to let me know if I have any fybroids or cysts. perhaps if you wait to see your regular doctor on the 20th she can prescribe that test to you? or maybe something similar to that perhaps huh? I know my FS does it in his office, but they also have hospitials that would just take scripts from other dr's and report the results back to the prescribing dr. Whats good with me getting it right at my FS office, is he can pretty much give me the results right away. 

as for me, vacation was fun, visiting was fun, miss my friends and kids already!! did lots of christmas stuff down there... back to a very cold and busy work and personal schedule though. We have stuff going on every almost every night this week. Wed night dinner with friends, Thursday Party at hubbys Aunts, Friday another work Christmas Party for my Hubby, then Saturday a Party at my friends...Sunday we can rest... I hope....

I am not feeling much of anything in my TWW... so I am not very optimistic at all that anythings gonna happen. AF should arrive for me probally this Thursday.... but they say with the Clomid it could lengthen my LP phase a bit so I will hold off testing until Sunday.

had a talk with hubby (before leaving for Florida) more indepth about what the FS said etc... and I do not think he is really going to have us go the route of IUI if it comes to that. He said pretty point blank "I will really have to think about it, it is too unnatural, and I dont want a test tube baby" I tried to talk to him about it, and let him know that if that is the only way for us to conceive I think we should try it... but he closed up like a clam, and it was kind of end of discussion. I will not bring up the subject of IUI again for a while. I really think the FS opinion of my hubbys SA being low was not too big of an obstacle, is because he thought that we were going to go in the direction of IUI anyway. but that may not be the case. So basically for the next few cycles.. I will do the tests the FS want, take the Clomid and hope for the best that we conceive naturally, and if that doesnt work in a few cycles, I will then approach the subject of IUI again with him, as I tried to explain we dont have anytime to WASTE, but he thinks I am exaggeratting... which I am not... but he just doesnt see it that way...and I cant change his mind at this point. so I will drop it for now. and I have to really concentrate on not bringing up anything to do with TTC with him AT ALL... again not that he doesnt want children, but he thinks I am obsessed with it, and thinks that IUI is impratical.... gosh he aggrevated me that night.. I was so angry with him... but I just hide that I was angry with him... so that he perhaps will consider it further if need be ya know... ??


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

Well, Im glad youre back now and that you had fun in Florida. Did you go to your SIL? Hows the weather in Pittsburg? I was telling my DH that you lived in Pittsburg and he asked me is she a Steelers fan? Im like big time! he got all happy that Im talking to a women that knows something about football. Yeah, hes a weirdo!! &#61514; 

So, no symptoms yet, huh? Well, sometimes no symptoms is the symptom ha haknow what I mean???

Anyhow, does your hubby really think that IUI is unnatural?? That kinda sucks. I mean, yeah it sucks that some of us have to use that method, but what does that matter. Gosh Im sorry that conversation didnt go too well. I know what you mean about your hubby thinking that your obsessed with TTC, but they really dont understand it at all. My hubby was like that about a month ago and then I had to compare the amount of time he spends on his video games and computer to the amount of time that I spend on TTC. That ended the conversation real quick. &#61514;

Anyhow, I agree with you, if you can keep the TTC talk to a minimum maybe that may help. Its hard to be angry with someone and to hide it from them. I do that sometimes too with my hubby. Do you think your DH would be embarrassed that he had to have a child by IUI? Maybe he feels like hed be less of a man if you use that method. Hmm its a tough call.

As for me, well, the pain comes and goes and I figured I can wait till I see my doctor on Monday. Im still having pain on the sides of my boobs and my left armpit was killing me yesterday. So, not sure if thats a lymph node problem or what the heck is going on now? Anyhow, Im just going to go about my daily business and see what happens. Ill make sure to tell my doctor about my moms cyst and removal of ovary and my sisters fibroids, then maybe shell give me some tests now and I wont have to wait till February. The crappy thing about this is that I have to arrange our BD sessions around Christmas now. I know for sure we wont be able to BD on Christmas day and Im hoping that we can BD on Christmas Eve, but not sure what time my DH will be home and we have to go over to his parents house for dinner. Blah So, Im suppose to ovulate sometime next weekend, Im hoping it happens a little later this month cause the DH will be home for a couple of days.

Man, this TTC crap is annoying as hell, if only a stork would fly by a drop one off for me!! &#61514; 

Oh BTW, I got sick again early this morning at around 2am. I woke up feeling really nauseous and then ran to the washroom and threw up a few times. After about 30 minutes I felt a bit better, cleaned up and then went back to bed. I woke up to get ready for work and my temp shot up, but not high enough for a fever. It was like post-ovulation high. Totally bizarre. Maybe I have a fever now who knows. I feel sick right now so Im eating some soda crackers, hoping that I dont throw up again. I hope nothing serious is going on with my body. Its kind of scary, but Ill just wait to see what my doctor says on Monday. Unless I throw up again this week and then I may have to go to the walk-in clinic.


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## ttc1st_at_40

WOW.. sick again.... do you really think being all that sick is perhaps the fybriods or something going on "down there" ? how ya feeling today ? any better at all. Im very worried bout ya.

and I will say again I HATE TEMPING... so your spike... gosh who the hell knows right? all I know is my temps seem to always be all over the place I dont even know if I want to do it any more... and since they are all over the place for me.. FF this month is showing that I ovulated according to my temps, which ends up being the first day of my +OPK which was Thursday..and I was still only on highs from my CBFM on that day, and was not even peak until Fri and Sat. So I dont know if I trust temping or FF now ??

oh ya this GIRL was raised on Football, every since I can remember we watched Steelers every week, it was a family tradition, and it carried on to my adulthood. I think I already told ya this but there is litterally not 1 person I know that does NOT watch the games every week. haha.. yep!! love our Steelers!!

As for me... still really no signs really... and like ya said ya I did hear something NO signs is a "sign" haha... weird cause BBs were not as sore this month either, didnt feel alot of twinges after O but starting today some AF pains have started slightly... so I really think shes on her way... oh and according to FF today is when it is predicting I should be getting AF. watch the damn thing be right !!!

bday for SIL was not so bad, hubby picked me up at airport at 5:30 and only went to the inlaws from 6-8 ... so not too bad at all... had a quick bowl of pasta some bday cake and we were out the door.


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## so_anxious

So, today I have a headache so I dont know whats wrong with me, but you know what I normally get sick around Christmas time anyhow, so maybe its all psychological. Who knows? I mean Im pretty sure Im not imagining the sharp pains in my ovary area or the armpit pain. Im hoping it has nothing to do with fertility, but thanks for your concern. Ill let you know what the dr says on Monday.

Yeah, Im not too sure about FF either, and I only like the temping cause it tells me that I did ovulate by the rise and it also tells me when Im going to get my period, but when I look at your chart, it seems a little whacky. Especially since usually your temp is suppose to drop when you get your period, but for you, it rises thats so bizarre. You know you can reset your chart in FF to use the result from your monitor instead of the temps! I think you have to go to Analysis and then click on Tuning/Override.

Anyhow, my DH and I booked a little 4 day trip to Miami in April. Ive been there before but my DH hasnt and let me tell you, this man loves to shop. He especially loves Polo (Ralph Lauren), we dont have any Polo stores here in Canada, but there are sold in a department store here but the prices are insane. So, my DH said that while were in Miami, were going to go across town to the Polo outlet store to get some things. That should be interesting!!! :

So, did AF get you today? I noticed youve started a new chart. Im so sorry my dear, but now that youre on Clomid, things so start happening sooner right. Plus you have a few tests that you need to do right? I hate this waiting game. My DH was talking to a pregnant lady at work yesterday and shes around 33-34 and she told him that it took her 1 year to get pregnant. That seems like such a long time Yucky. Im not a patient person at all blah.

Well, Ive got my BD sessions planned for next week. I dont think Ill be able to stick to SMEP this time cause Christmas is smack in the middle of it. I predict Ill get a +OPK right on Christmas day and I wont be able to BD, so were going to BD right around it. So, Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Monday and well see if the DH is up for Tuesday as well. I have a feeling he wont be but hes not going back to work till Wednesday so maybe Ill get lucky (literally). Tee hee! :)

Anyhow my dear, Im glad you didnt have to spend much time with the SIL. My MIL called last night and I saw it on the call display and I didnt answer the phone. Tee hee I dont care, she annoys me. She treats my DH like he can do so much better with is life and she compares my DH to his brother. I hate it and I refuse to put up with it. She keeps telling me, Monique you must call me sometimes. Yeah, right, why would I call you, you stupid cow!!! Sorry, I have a headache and just thinking of her makes it worse. So, Ill stop now!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

ya for the FF thingy... I did see that setting... I very well may switch it to that!! One reason I really do like FF is the mobile version they have though, so I can plug in some stuff from my phone without having to get on my computer. The thing that confuses me is....My cycles seem pretty "regular" its just my temps that dont, ya know? also as a side note...when I went to see the FS he did ask me if I temp too...so it really is a technique they like to see used I guess... I am just not a good canidate I suppose

Yes AF got me Yesterday.. actually I started spotting Wed night... I was of course really upset... we were out with our friends for dinner having a good time, I went to use the bathroom... and BAM...!! uggh... even though I knew it was coming, it kinda ruined the night for me !! just really bad timing, then we had a family christmas party last night, and I had such bad AF cramps !!! ughhhh!! oh and this part of my hubbys family I ADORE... they are his aunts/uncles and cousins. They are the kindest nicest, funnest people, and all his cousins are around our age... so fun!! its just the immediate family (SIL and Mom) that are bitt of downers!! haha.... OH your MIL story !! FUN NY sTUFF!!! HAHA.. I also hate "chatting" with my MIL...I think...."whats the purpose" haha

so I am hoping your MOnday appointment goes really well, and the dr can let you know what the Hell is going on right!!! you have to keep me posted. and super ya!! for the Miami visit... I love Miami!! and perfect timing too... get to defrost from our winter with all the snow huh!!! yes definately you'll be able to find some Polo in Miami... enjoy!!!

your BD schedule sounds perfect...hope your able to stick to it... thank goodness ours BD time is not until the following week, cause hubby would really prob not stick to it... just so much going on over holidays...

as for me... gosh what a busy busy week... almost over though, tonight another party then tomorrow I acutally bailed on my friends party and am spending the entire day christmas shopping... I actually have to get CD3 blood work done at 11:30 am so will leave the house at 11 am and not come back to all my Christmas shopping is done!!! every last gift...(thats my goal anyway) Kinda looking forward to it really, it will be fun and I have ALL day so will try to relax with all the whackos out there shoping with me !! haha

and Monday the FS has my Saline ultrasound test scheulded... so hoping I dont get any weird unexpected news from that. Oh also for some reason my Progestrone from my last cycle was low (6) which actually from being on the Clomid it should have been quite High... so little concern there... ya know what Monique!! its like never ending... ya wonder how any damn person gets pregnant ya know!!! UGHHHHH


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Sorry, I havent posted in a couple of days, but Ive been so freaking busy and theres been some drama with my family.

So, let me begin my story telling. So my dad lost his job about 6 years ago, he was a Plant Manager for an automotive company and I was still living with my parents at that time. So, I had to help them pay their mortgage and help out with the finances. Anyhow, he decided to open up a business but the business failed miserably and he lost a ton of money. Like a ton, so much, that he had to take money out of his pension and they had to sell the house to pay off debt. Anyhow, during this time, my mom was working as an Admin Assistant and she still did up till about 2 months ago. Anyhow, after my parents sold their house, I decided to buy a house and let them live with me till I got married and then they would have to pay me rent. So, last year my dad went back to school and graduated this year as a Paralegal, so hes been looking for work now. My mom was working for a horrible company that was very mean to her, so she got a new job at a bank call centre. So, my dad is still without a job cause no one wants to hire a Paralegal with no experience, plus hes legally deaf, so he cant just get any job either. And now, my mom told me on Friday that she hates her job at the bank cause its too difficult and stressful. Shes 58 years old, so I kinda had a feeling that the call centre job wouldnt work out. 

Anyhow, my issue is that Im still paying for the mortgage and some bills at my house where my parents live and Im now living with my DH at his condo that he owns, but we want to buy another house in early 2012 and we need to save the rent money that Im suppose to get from my parents to put a downpayment on a house. But since my dad isnt working, Im not getting any rent, cause the money that my mom makes is for the rest of the bills, car insurance, gas, groceries, utilities, etc and she really doesnt make enough money to pay for anything else. On top of that, my mom is a diabetic and has arthritis, so the more she gets stressed out with this new job the more sick she gets. So, now not only do I have to help my dad get a job, but now I have to find another job for my mom so that she doesnt get too sick. Its soooo much drama.

I also asked my DH if we can just buy a house and let them live with us, but he flatly refuses, which makes me really upset cause I dont want to see my parents struggle. Im almost wishing that I get pregnant really fast and have twins cause thats probably the only way my DH will let them live with us. Its so sad.

So, thats my horrible dramatic story and theres still more. My DH went to the dr last week and found out that he has a yeast infection. I was shocked and didnt even know how to respond cause I told him how come you have one and I dont. He said that the dr said that since were BDing a lot, its bound to happen and that I probably have one and dont know about it. Anyhow, that was last week and today I started to have the itchy symptom. So, now I dont know what to do, should I treat it now or wait till after I ovulate which may be anytime between Saturday and Monday. I have to see my dr today about my ovary and armpit pain, so Ill ask her, but Ive been doing some research and they say that those creams will make it harder for the sperm to swim. Im so freaking confused and annoyed right now.

How are you doing? Youre going for your test today, right? Did you have a nice weekend with all the parties and shopping?


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## ttc1st_at_40

HOLY SMOKES!!! so much going on... have to admit I was a little worried bout ya... thinking your armpit pain had something to do with your blood condition and you were out of comission... and in the hospital or something... well at least thats not the case... but GOLLY so much goin on with your family, this stupid economy huh!!! gosh looks like you really took on a lot there Monique!!! I guess all I can really say is good luck on the job hunting huh!! gosh!! 

and hubbys yeast infection... hmmm never heard of a guy with one... I am assuming he is on meds to fix him up ? and if you have one, there has got to be something safe to use while TTC right ? did ya google it ? I know my friend had some yeast infections while pregnant and she was ok to use the typical over the counter monistat stuff? ahhh girl!!!!

so what did your doctor say yesterday?? are they thinking fybroids?? 

so as for me... I have had a killer cold for 2 days now... really bad sinus infection, cant breath ughhh!!! been staying in bed a lot. See I am like you... always trying to catch a cold for Christmas... 

as for my Drs appointment yesterday, got a A+, no fybriods, no cycsts, tubes seemed opened, ovaries right where they should be. Next up is next wednesday when I do my Postcotial test... thats the text where me and hubby have sex then 2-4 hours later I have to go get the quality of my CM tested to see if the spermies are able to swim through it etc. My FS highered my dosage of Clomid from 50 to 100 this month, because last month my progestrone level was rather low. So at this appointment next Wednesday he will also do an ultra sound to check if I have any folicles!! how exciting is that ? and he will also look at my uterine lining to make sure it is the right thickness for implatation. I guess these are the typical scanns they do while on Clomid... they want to see if you are producing folicles on this medicine , and also that it is not thickening your wall too much for implanataion. 

so busy busy week and I am having Christmas Eve at my place!~!! I am soooooo exicted... this is the first year I get to have a Holiday!!! and all I wanted was just 1 Holiday... every single Holiday for the past 9 years we go to my hubbys parents... occasionally one of the sisters will host...BUT I LOVE to cookd and entertain... so I told hubby can we just have Christmas Eve!!! and we are I am sooooo excited... Hopefully that will be "our holiday" now !! then Christmas Day we will go to his parents... which is fine... its all about the kids on christmas eve (he has 2 neices and 2 newphews) my siblings dont have any kids.... So what about you, what are your Holiday Plans ?? I think you already said you were done shopping huh? I just got the last of my presents wrapped and under the tree tonight... so crossed that chore off my check list hahaha!!

hey betcha your hubby will be watching the Steelers on Thursday huh? I know we will be~!~ well actually my hubby will be going to the Game, I will be watching it from the comfort of my couch!! haha


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

So, I'm super happy for you that your test came back all clear, just means you have a better chance of getting preggers and you can put your mind at ease now. :happydance: Just have to check out your cm now. I've been wondering about my cm too. I think i may have a very acidic body to begin with so my cm may be harmful to sperm. not too sure, but would love to get that checked out as well.

Went to the dr's and she kind of poked me a few times in my abdomin and there was a specific spot that hurt more so she said that it can either be my ovary or appendicitis. So I have to go get an internal vaginal ultrasound in mid January and then go back for the results. As for the yeast infection, it looks like I got one too and took some oral meds and now I'm good and so is the husband. I did some research, looks like it's possible to give it to your partner and then for him to pass it back to you. Happens a lot when you BD alot for concieving purposes and probably doesn't help that we're using Pre-seed either. I think we're pretty good now so we can get to BDing again. 

A little concerned with this cycle though, my CBFM hasn't registered a high yet and I usually get 4 highs starting on the Tuesday before ovulation. Today is Wednesday and still no high. I'm hoping I get a high tomorrow otherwise I think this cycle will be either really late or I may not ovulate at all. 

On top of that, I just received a call on my cell phone like 2 minutes ago to call my doctor back. I think it's about my blood test, which kinda scares me cause usually the doctor never calls unless there's something wrong. Yikes. Wish me luck.

So, you have Christmas Eve at your place huh... that's exciting. I'm like you love to host a nice big dinner for the family. You should totally make it an annual Christmas Eve tradition. Unfortunately, for me I'm going over to the in-laws to be bored out of my mind and fed with disgusting food. But the good part is that after I spend a few hours with them, I get to go over to my sister's place and then wake up there for Christmas Day. Plus, we're going to sleep over there on christmas day and all go boxing day shopping. Our Boxing day shopping is like the Thanksgiving shopping in the US. It's going to be crazy, but I'm going to go really early. I need to get a nice suit for work. :)

This is the first year that I'm not making dinner, so it should be interesting cause my sister isn't the greatest cook. In fact, she needs to make sure she makes vegetarian food for my dad and my DH. I'll have to pray to God to make sure she does a good job!! :winkwink:

So, is the football game in the evening, if it is then the hubby will definitely watch it, but if its during the day, he'll be at work, although he'll probably find it on the internet and watch it at work. tee hee... 

Well, my dear, I hope you're feeling a little better now. I don't think I've ever had any sinus problems, but I would imagine that to hurt a lot. Try not to do too much cause you need to get well and stay well. 

Again, I'm really happy for you that they're doing all these tests. Go Team!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

OH GOSH Monique I got some bad news bout my blood levels, I just cried and cried... my FSH this cycle was 15.3 which means I have depleted ovarian reserve. The Dr said it can fluctuate from cycle to cycle (which it has... this is the highest for me yet) but he also said you are only as good as your worse score. So meaning althought it was an 8 in June, now that it is a 15.3 I am now considered to have depleted eggs... So I dont know what we do from here. I asked the nurse who called me with the results, and I said how can it be that high and her answer was "honey your 40" ... I dont even know if being on the Clomid this month will help anything at all, and not so sure he will continue me on Clomid any further either. I am just numb... and cant help but to think I will never ever have a child...with all these blood values definately against my odds...I am super sad.


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## so_anxious

Honey, I don't even know what to say to you to make you feel better. I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how horrible you must feel right now. Does this mean that you can't do IVF either? If not, then I think you should sit your hubby down and tell him we need to go for this now, there's no other option, it has to be now. This is crazy. I feel for you honey. I think you should still do the whole ttcing and don't give up. I think that the Clomid will help for sure to stimulate some eggs. Please, please, please don't let this put a damper on your Christmas. 

Please find out if IVF is still an option and then please go for it right away. Ok, I'm praying for you and I think next year will be a better year for both of us. Ok my dear! :hugs:

Please continue to post or email me if you want to talk some more. I'm here for you. :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

Thanks Monique for the quick response... I am just sooooo blue. Trying my damnest to not have it consume every second of my thoughts. I just feel there is no hope at the end of the tunnel.. ya know what I mean? 

then I cant help but to have this awful thought in my head, that if hubby wouldnt have drug his feet and dated me for 9 years,(9 YEARS!!!) before he asked me to marry him then we would already have a baby by now!! I know awful right!! but I cant help it!!! dahhh.. Im 40 now.. WHAT WAS I thinking..

so yes these are all the things going through my head... then I TRY to stop and concentrate that I am in a happy marriage, and we are newylweds and try to concentrate on my upcoming Christmas Eve party... but it is not working so good... I really am trying though, but the thoughts of me perhaps never ever having a baby just keeps coming back. 

I am not letting hubby see me get so terribly upset right now, since 2 weeks ago he told me I was getting over board.. (sure I get it...he sees me temping every am and sticking my feet up in the air after we BD and making him jump in bed 5 out of 7 nights, the week I am fertilie, I see how he thinks I am letting it consume me.. (but gosh he doesnt know the 1/2 of it really haha!! what about my hours and hours of non-stop research, and the vitamins, asprin, robitussin I am taking and the CBFM..and OPKs... I just cant tell him everything then he would really think I am INSANE.. but honestly I just want a child THAT BAD. I did tell him about the test results from today, but I just dont want him to see how upset I REALLY am right now, and he knows I am upset but I held back when talking to him, and he said "well we will still try right" I said "sure". At this point I dont think it would be smart for me to let him know that I am gutted...and I cant think of anything else right now. I know in my heart that IUI or IVF would be our smartest option right now.. BUT I am not even quite sure IUI or IVF is even a possiblity. Now my FSH is pretty high, but not off the charts. But at my age I really dont think they suggest IUI/IVF with that high of a FSH, just kinda a waste of money, said you should use donor eggs, and thats something hubby would never ever agree to. But with my age and the high FSH value I think we have a maybe a 1-5% chance of getting pregnant on our own. :(

And I really think if I would tell my husband hey I dont think we can have kids, I think he would be perfectly ok with it to be honest. Sure he'd "like" to have children, but I know he wouldnt be heart broken like me for the rest of my life, if we didnt. 

Well I will just wait and see what the FS has to say next week, maybe something surprising and promising right?


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

I know exactly what you mean about the "9 year" wait. Sometimes I think about my previous engagement and I get so upset that I could have been married and have tried to have kids when I was 5 years younger, but then if you think about it, I would have been miserable with a cheating husband. So, I'm so happy that I'm with my husband and that he's so very different from the last guy and he makes me happy. He's also very supportive and would do anything for me. I know it's hard not to think those bad thoughts, I have some similiar thoughts all the time. 

I also understand how us women hide all the different things that we use to TTC. I hide my CBFM from my dh for over a month cause I didn't want him to know that I spent a bunch of money on it, but once he saw it and all the other things I use, he's been pretty good with me. He asks me every morning, how's your temperature? I don't think he has a clue what he's talking about but I think it's kind of cute. My DH did annoy me once cause he told me that I'm obsessed with TTCing, but I told him that I don't have precious time on my hands to get pregnant and if he loved me, he'd understand why I'm doing all this. 

Anyhow, my dear, I do understand your issue and concern about telling your hubby how upset you are and I hope that he'd be willing to try all options before throwing in the towel. I agree with you, the FS could have some better options or news for you, so lets wait and see what he says next week.

I've got a couple of issues now, my CBFM should have read a "high" 2 days ago and it's still on "low", which is unusual. I did have ovulation spotting and cramps today, so hopefully I get a high tomorrow. Anyhow, the DH and I will continue with my BD plan and see what happens.

Other issue, is that I have an interview for a PMO manager job next year on the 5th. I'm scared cause I really really want the job, but if I get pregnant within the next 3-6 months, I think it'll look really bad on my part and kinda unprofessional. What are your thoughts? It's with a government agency so it's not like a transfer to another department, it's like a whole new company. It's such a good job and I applied for it thinking they wouldn't call me, but they did and I had the phone interview the the HR like a day after I applied for the job and then the next day they called me up for an interview. Yikes. 

I don't want to worry about it too much cause I may not get the job, but if I do, then what do I do? It could take me a year to get pregnant and I would have missed this opportunity. Yikes!

Anyhow, my dear, are you starting to prepare for xmas eve? I hope you're feeling a little bit better today. :hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

merry Merry MERRY Christmas to my friend Monique!!!

gosh I just checked your chart...and looks like you finally got your high today !!! geeze that was alittle delayed right ? I am sure you already know this but your O day can flucate each month but your LP phase should stay pretty constant. Well that is not "always" the case for me but just thought I'd share that with you. And another BIG thing they say can delay O is STRESS!! and I think you got a little of that going on !!! haha! actually you got a ton. None the less so happy you finally got it right!! geeze.

ok as for the job thing.... I dont think I agree with you. You becoming preganant at any time even if you've only been on the job 2 days... SHOULD NOT take away anything from you. And I feel very strongly about that. Your a woman, there is always a chance you can become pregant, that is why we have maternity leave. People dont just have children so they can have time off work ya know... it just so happens if they are going to hire a women, there is always a great chance she may have some maternity leave. see what I mean ? Sooo my suggestion is DONT YOU DARE put of TTC. really 

As for me I have been doing alot of mind blocking the last few days. What I mean by that is I have this think I do, if something really upsets me, as soon as I think of that unpleasant thing I make my self think of something positive and upbeat instead. So that I am not down ya know. Pretty much there is nothing I can do right now about my TTC situation, I am 40 I do have High FSH, there is litterally nothing I can actually do to change these things, so I have to try to stay positive, so that is my plan. 

Yes it is natural to be upset or worried etc, and not always good to hold in all your feelings so sure using the mind blocking thing should not be used ALL the time, but I use it just when I need to !! haha.

oh PS today my first day POS for CBFM, and it gave me a high already... knew that would happen this Clomid raises your estrogen...so that is why I got a High Already... 

Gonna run for now... wanted to pop on and say Merry Christmas.... I asked hubby for a Dyson vacumn cleaner....hope I get it!! what about you ?


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee!!

Merry Christmas to you too. Thank you so much for the advice. I don't think I'd stop ttcing, but I was just a little concerned that if I did take a new job and got pregnant right away, I just don't want them to fire me or something you know, but you do make a lot of sense. It should be expected that women get pregnant all the time and a company has to realize that if they hire a women for a job, right? I remember one of my old bosses said in a meeting once that he wouldn't hire another woman again cause they'd get pregnant. That has always stuck in my mind. I couldn't believe he said that out loud. ah well!! 

So, I'm very happy that you're got a positive attitude and that you're just going with the flow, right!! That's really all you could do! It's all mind over matter. I should listen to my own advice. :)

So, I did get my first high today, which is late for me but I'm actually hoping I get another high tomorrow and then a peak on Sunday, cause I won't be able to BD tomorrow but I can go full force from Sunday onwards... tee hee... I gotta do an OPK later on today as well and we'll see if I get a smiley face. 

Good luck today with the Chistmas eve dinner. I hope everything turns out really well, I'm sure it will. About the Dyson vacuum, I almost died of laughter cause my DH wanted one so badly for our wedding. He even put it on the wedding registry. I told him who is going to buy us a $500 vacuum, anyhow, no one bought it for us and he's all sad now. I should have bought him that for xmas instead of clothes... :) 

Anyhow, my DH went all insane and bought me like 20 gifts, not sure what he was thinking about cause I'd be ok with 2 gifts, but he loves to shop so I'm ok with that!

Good luck and Merry Christmas again!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

Good Morning Monique!!! sounds like ya had a great Christmas!! 20 gifts from hubby !! thats awesome... how was your Boxing Day shopping... ya get any good deals?

Well I am happy to report that my hubby DID get me the Dyson I wanted !!! yippeee!! I have already used it 3 times to vacumn the whole house!!! yes he called me a dork, as soon as I opened the box I put it together and vacumned the living room floor hahah

was a great christmas... very very busy the last few days... finally yesterday afternoon was relax time... we both took a 3 hour nap, then just laid around last night and watched movies... much needed break... we have been going non stop since Thursday... but back to work this AM for the both of us.... Still no big New Years Eve plans.... different groups of friends are having some parties but we havent decided what/if we feel like going to any of them as of yet... we still got some time to decide though... what about you guys...doing anything fun? 

so did ya get your peak yet? I checked your FF right before I started typing and didnt see ya put in todays yet? remember if O is a little delayed this month dont be worried, it happens!! so as for your arm pit pain... forgot to ask... is that still going on ? and you able to keep to your BD plan over the last few days?

as for us... we were "suppose" to BD last night, but hubby was a little under the weather... so we did not...hopefully we really need to tonight...then we have to wait until Wednesday AM (thats the day for the postcoital test) so have to BD by 8am and I go in at 10:30 for them to take a specimen to see how the little guys and my CM are mixing... really nervous for this appt...I want to ask him what he thinks about our future TTC plans with now the FSH being so high.. ya know...fingers crossed I come away from that appointment with a positive attitude!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee, hows it going? I had a terrific Christmas, yes the hubby spent a lot of money buying me clothes and accessories. He spoils me rotten. I must have spent a lot of money on some Polo clothes and do you know his favourite gift that I bought him was a $20 Green Lantern T-shirt that glows in the dark. Ah well, hes a funny little guy.

Thats hilarious that you vacuumed the living room floor, but hey, you had to test it out, right? Tee hee. Our Christmas was really busy too, we were over at my sisters house for a few days and she did a terrific job hosting. I wasnt too sure she would, but she did. Even dinner was really good, I was shocked cause she cant cook very well, but it was actually quite good and different. :winkwink: 

Christmas eve at the in-laws was boring as usual. My SIL bought everyone a book filled with pictures of her daughter to everyone. Who the hell does that? I mean I can understand her giving that kind of gift to the grandparents and aunts but why the hell would I want a picture book of her daughter. Guess what the first picture was.... it was a sonogram picture of her daughter at like 30 weeks or something like that. (this is the section where I motion that Id like to throw up now). What a joke!!! Whatever. 

Anyhow, so Im walking around in my MILs house and I notice some of my wedding pictures in a frame in the kitchen. There were 3 pictures and I looked at all of them and guess what, I wasnt in any of them. Everyone else was, my DH, his brother, the SIL, the grandchild, the father, and my MIL, but I wasnt in the picture. Isnt that insane! Thats my freaking wedding and Im not in any of the pictures. I told my DH that his mother obviously has an issue with me, but he thinks Im over analyzing or something. I also told him that everytime we go over there, she sits right in between us on the couch. Every time.... its so obvious too. Whatever, she needs to get a life.

Anyhow enough about that, for New Years Eve, Im not a fan of going out cause its always so busy and loud and I hate driving on the street with the crazy people. When I was growing up I knew about 4 people whose mothers died on New Years Eve from a drunk driver. Isnt that insane? Ive never forgotten that and Im now scared of driving around after midnight. Yeah, its weird, and Im a chicken, but thats me. Anyhow, one of my friends who is have fertility problems (shes 37 and has been trying for 3 years to get pregnant, naturally and with IVF), shes been really down lately, so were going to go to dinner with her, and her husband and then go back home to chill out and watch movies. She usually asks me to hang out every year but I always come up with some excuse not to, but this time I think she needs me. 

So, I never got my peak yet! I had to post a thread yesterday cause I needed some quick advice, but no one ever replied. Anyhow, I used my 10th test stick yesterday and it was a dud. I peed on it as I normally do and the blue dye never crossed over the screen. I waited for like 5 minutes and still nothing. Usually it crosses over in like 20 seconds and you see the line(s), right? Remember I had a similar incidence last cycle or the cycle before, I cant remember if it was with this batch of test sticks. Anyhow, I still stuck it into the monitor and well, only got a high, but it really should have been a peak cause I got a positive OPK on Saturday night and I did the OPK again yesterday morning and yesterday evening and still got the smiley face. So, I figured the CBFM would ask me to test again this morning and I didnt have anymore test sticks so I went out to 2 stores to buy them and they both didnt have any. So, I decided not to test this morning on the CBFM. It did ask me to test, but I just ignored it. I took another OPK this morning as well and got a negative so, I figured Im going to ovulate either today or tomorrow. Im kinda annoyed but Im glad I use OPKs too. I had arm pit pain last week, but nothing since. I did have some sharp pains again in my right ovary area, so not sure really what that is. 

We didnt BD on Thursday cause my DH was sick and tired, so we did manage to do it on the Friday, Saturday (we left my sisters house and went to my house and got it on), and yesterday as well. Im going to see if my DH wants to do it tonight and tomorrow since were both at home. He goes back to work on Wednesday and I dont go back till the 4th, so I have time to just relax. 

So the test on Wednesday is an important one, cause if you find out that your CM is good and works well with your hubbys sperm then I still think youre chances of conceiving are good. I'm sure the FSH issue can be managed somehow, right? I cant wait for you to tell me how it went. I guess youre about to ovulate sometime soon, right? We may be on the same schedule this cycle. :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

HAHA to the Green Latern T-shirt... so funny he loved that one the best!!! guys... they are like lit kids huh? awesome that you had a surprising good dinner at your sis's thats always a pleasant surprise huh, when your thinking it was gonna be bad and its good instead!! because who doesnt want a good meal on a holiday huh? I have to say... Christmas day at the in-laws for me was boring as well... that is why I am soooo happy I got to have Christmas Eve... over hubbys moms every holiday is simply just getting sooooo old and sooooo boring.... and as I think I mentioned we go to the in laws EVERY holiday (hubbys parents) so yep we have to go there New Years Day too... I am like REALLY come on PEOPLE!!! anyway it is nothing new that we have to go there every holiday, I am just soooo over it... OK and the pix books of your neice....ummmmm ya a little strange that EVERYONE GOT ONE!! ya little weird, I can agree. Oh and that damn "you missing from the all the wedding pix" yep that would have made me mad too... but I would have said so someone could have heard... wow look at all the wedding pix... "gosh I dont see me in any"... yep thats what I would have done... no question there. that is just plan rude!!! and at least you kinda have New Years plans... us two cant make up our mind what we want to do... soon enough it will be Friday and we will be sitting here with no plans unless we make up our minds hahaha!!

ok so for TTC stuff..... gosh that sucks about your CBFM test sticks... yep it certainly sounds like you got yourself a bad batch of sticks... I would seriously call the 800 # on the back and perhaps they will send you some type of reimbursement... I really would if I were you. On the other hand THANK goodness you do the OPKs too though huh!! and were able to still catch your LH surge...were ya guys able to get in some BD action last night? 

and yep I should be getting my first peak any day now... for the last few months my 1st peak day has come about avg day 14... and today this is day 13 for me. so any day now!! as I think I mentioned before the Clomid could delay O a little (it didnt at all last month though, and hoping it doesnt delay it this month either) so yep I am expecting to O here any day now... and yep some how we caught up to eachtother for this month.... SO EXCITING we will be in the TWW right there together huh!!! 

and yep I am super anxious for tomorrows testing and scanning of my folicles and lining and talk with the dr...... yikes!!! not sure if I mentioned this, but they said being on Clomid could also "mess" with my CM.... and if so they usually switch wome to a different drug... which is WAY more expensive from what I understand...but I really think before the Clomid I had some "bad" CM anyway... actually I dont think I have ever had much of any anyway even before I started Clomid... so we shall see... I am just convinced if they say Yep your CM is hostile, I just really dont know if I personally would blame it on the Clomid itself as I think it has always not been that "good". they also said another side effect some women experience on Clomid is too thin of Uterine lining as well... so I believe that is just one reason they only put women on that at 3 months at a time... as to not effect their lining...but I hoping that is not another thing they find with me.... gosh can you imagine why I am so anxious for tomorrow huh!!!


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## so_anxious

Dude, so Im super happy today cause this other girl that I talk to on this site just got her BFP today. She was super depressed cause her SIL is a total bitch too and is 5 weeks pregnant. You know what her SIL did, at 4 weeks pregnant she called up my pals DH and asked him to be the godfather. Who does that at 4 weeks pregnant? She only did that to shove it in her face that she got pregnant before my pal. What a bitch! Anyhow, my pal sent me a picture of a FRER and she got a positive. Im freaking dancing right now. Ill be doing the same when you get your BFP too.... 

Also, my dear, Ive been reviewing some other womens charts on FF and I noticed there were quite a few 40 year old women who had a high FSH that got pregnant within 1 year, so I still think your chances are pretty good. Ive got my fingers crossed for you that you get some good positive news from your dr. Im sure you will. Weve got to think positive, right!! I did hear about Clomid making your uterine lining thinner and heard a lot of women complaining about that. Now does the Clomid help with ovulating or help make your eggs healthy? Im just wondering why the dr gave you Clomid, cause you can ovulate on your own right? 

Anyhow, Im ignoring my CBFM today as well, it asked for me for a test again, but I think I ovulated yesterday. I did get to DTD with the husband again last night, and Im going to see if I can persuade him one more time today. Tee hee... 

So, Im glad that well pretty much be on the TWW together. Hopefully we can both celebrate with our BFP together.


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## ttc1st_at_40

WELL Hello there.... 

got some good news but some rather bad news as well. Bad news first... looks like my CM is quite hostile. From the test they could hardly find any CM (which is why they call it hostile) and of that they did find, there was sperm in there, but they were all dead :( how utterly sad is that, that I killed all my husbands sperm!!! but they are very confident that is one side effect of Clomid (but like I said... I know I dont have any CM even when not on Clomid so I dont know how much I believe it has to do with the Clomid to be honest...but for now thats what they are blaming it on that. Also my lining was only at 6.9 and they like to see at LEAST an 8 by now... so yep they said my lining was rather thin. Another thing they are blaming on the Clomid...Actually the first thing they said when they saw me, was oh if your CM is bad we can just do an IUI tomorrow... I was like oooohhhh hold on, my husband hasnt agree to that yet... and then once they said the lining was only a 6.9 they wouldnt bother doing an IUI anyway because it is just too thin. which ultimately means I can not carry a baby with lining at 6.9.... BUT... you know what...I havent even Ovulated yet... all these things should be looked at right at ovulation, and I havent gotten a positive OPK yet or a high on my CBFM, and I did tell them this but they kinda ignored me... heres me thinking that perhaps my lining could thicken up in the next day or 2 right ?? oh gosh I dont know... 

anyway to the good news... So they found 6 follicles!!! ya!!! which means I am producing follicles... as you know very very important in all this TTC stuff HAHAHA.... so yep 4 on one side... Only 2 of really good size, and 2 on the other Ovary with 1 at a decent size...so yep they found 6 and 3 were of pretty decent size. so they were very happy with the sizes of them. And they also took my estridol blood level while I was there, and that number seemed pretty pleasing to them as well... But in the end they kinda counted me out all together for this month with the lining and cm issues.....The Nurse was very insistant with me (loved her very very nice lady) and said if I were her sister she would tell me to go straight to IVF and actually skip IUI all together, and definately not fool around with minor fertility drugs like Clomid...she was like HUNNY at your age, you have ZERO time to waste, you need to go straight to IVF. Now my Drs office does do IUIs there, but IVF would have to be done by a different Dr he doesnt perform those. So its not like she was even trying to con me in to spending more money with them... actually they would be loosing money if I went straight to IVF. Oh and P.S. the nurse is the Drs wife haha!! Anyway I got a call later this afternoon from the Nurse (didnt see the Dr today, but he evaulated everything that went on today with my test etc ) so she called me back to let me know, that because my lining was so thin and the CM was bad they really want me to go off the Clomid and move on to injectable drugs... which Monique are super super expesive... I think for next month they would cost me close to $1000. So he wants me to go on these next month, then right at O time he wants to do another post-coital test, and if the CM is still bad then he wants to do an IUI the next day. But would probabally recommend IVF the following month if the first IUI does not work. 

Now I have to have a long talk with hubby tonight. He feels super super sad for me but he has yet to really committ to us doing IUI. So that is what I have to work on for tonight.

Now... here is some more bad news... ok so right now all my testing and ultrasounds and scans and blood work is covered.... BUT of course IVF or IUI are not covered, but as soon as I do any type of IUI or IVF the insurance company then stopps paying for the blood work, scanns, ultrasounds... ALL of it. Because they only will pay for diagnosics and testing for infertility, but as soon as I go to IUI all the blood work scans etc would now be considered part of fertility treatments... no more diagnostics... SOOOOO that is another thing we have to consider!! That if for some reason we move to IUI next month as soon as I get that IUI nothing else is covered for me for testing... gosh it is soooooo complicated!!! WHY OH WHY CAN THIS NOT BE EASY!!!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

I had a feeling that you'd have to go straight to IVF right away. The only issue now is to convince the hubby that it's the best route. I find it extremely interesting that your CM is hostile. You mentioned that you use a lubricant right? Did the dr or nurse say that you should continue to use it or mention anything at all? I'm like you, I barely have any CM, which is why I'm drinking the grapefruit juice, which is helping a lot but I also use pre-seed. I have a feeling that my CM is hostile too. I think my body is very acidic and needs to be more alkaline. 

Anyhow, do you know how much the IVF will cost if you go that route? I've been checking up on the costs as well, just in case I need to go that route and it looks like about $10K a pop, which includes all the meds, tests and the IVF as well. It's crazy how much people have to shell out just to have a baby. So, how are you feeling about all this news now?

I'm really happy that the tests provided you with some more information. Let me know how the conversation with your hubby goes. I've got faith in him and I know you'll be able to have a child within the year whether it's natural or through IVF. :hugs:

As for me, this cycle is totally bizarre. If you check out my chart, my temp this month has been super low compared to the last 2 cycles and apparently I ovulated on CD 16 like last month. I thought I was going to ovulate late. Ah well... I guess we'll see what happens this cycle. I'm having some serious backpain though and haven't been sleeping very well. The right ovary pain is extremely mild and not as frequent as last cycle so far, so I'm happy with that. 

You know sometimes I wish this it was like the movies and a stork would fly by and drop off our babies at the doorstep. :winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

as for the lubricant, I use conceive plus (very similar to preseed) but for this test they asked me to try not to use anything so that they can see what I am producing "naturally"... well I guess what I got naturally isnt any good :( 

oh and you asked this before, but I dont think I answered, but yes I do ovulate on my own but they decided to put me on Clomid anyway due to fact that I need to take an aggressive approach to TTC due to my age. And Clomid is to make you Ovulate Stronger if you already do... and for those that dont Ovulate, they help them to "start" to ovulate. Anyway as I have learned from the FS the Clomid is the mildess type of fertility drug... but it seems I responded well to it to me? got 6 folicles...so I ask my self why then move on to injectibles... but maybe they expect to see even more folicles then? and of course they didnt like the thin lining or the CM problem that they think came along with the Clomid... and injectables are said not to have this CM and lining problems, so prob why they want me to move onto the injectables I am guessing, maybe start me on a very low dosage of that so I dont over stimulate...and yes they really do believe that "If I want children there is really no reason to keep trying on our own, that we need to move to IVF" and really skip IUI all together. 

But I really have ZERO idea what we are going to do next month I really do. Dr wants us to both come in to talk about it... AND Hubby has agreed to go to the FS with me on Monday to talk about our options. That is promoising news, but thats pretty much all I could get out him yesterday, called him real quick at work right after the Drs visit and told him the bad news, then asked if he would go to an appointment and he said "sure" ...BUT We didnt really talk much last night which I really wanted to... wanted to try to gauge exactly what he is thinking BUT he came home from work rather late (8:30 pm) and seemed kinda distant and I said lets talk and he said well we are both off tomorrow (friday) and we are already going to see the Dr on Monday... lets sit down tomorrow and spend some time talking... HERE is me jumping out of my seat thinking WHAT I got such crappy news, and you want to wait until FRIDAY!! but ya know what... that is what I will do I will try not to bring it up at all today and will wait until tomorrow to have a talk, and try to see where his head is in all of this. 

Anyway yep you are correct it is in the $10 K ball park range... very very very high... and what if it doesnt work the first time, do we do it again for another $10 K. At this point Monique I am very shattered by all this news. Sure I am not completely shocked, I knew at my age it wouldnt be easy, but I was hoping to beat the odds. I really know that some how we could come up with 10-20 K to try a few cycles... even if we have to take out a loan. The way I look at it is that it is worth it to try and if I dont try this then I will FOREVER regret it. Not so sure the hubby feels the same way at all though. He really believes it should all happen naturally and for FREE haha. But I am hoping that he changes his mind and really understands that if we do want children this may be our only hope and we NEED to try this NOW... we cant wait another 3-6 months ya know. Ok so thats my "pitch" I am gonna try tomorrow when we talk... I'll let ya know how good of a sales man I am HAHAHAHa

oK so looks like FF has ya down that you O'd then on Sunday... sounds like you got all the BDing in that you needed to though right?.. so thats a super positive for this month for ya right. And girl ya know how I feel about temping I HATE IT... check out my chart haha... talk about all over the place!! Someone suggested that I start temping "down there" and I really may try that starting next cycle. OH and as a side note... I havent gotten a + opk or a high on my CBFM yet... I actually am going to call the drs office back and let them know this... because that means I really am not as close to O as they thought, so perhaps that is why lining was so thin and cm was not real good? oh forget it they will prob just say it was the Clomid... gosh I dont know..

anyway you are officially in the TWW with out me :( and starting with back pain already? is that a good sign ya think ? hopefully I will be joining ya in the TWW soon here... 

ok wishing you and Polo Guy a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!~!!! hope you have a fun night out with your friends... oh and PS hubby and I are joining some couples for dinner and night out "down town" so that should be fun!! going out after work with a friend tonight to find something sparkly!!


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## so_anxious

Wishing you a Happy New Year as well. Like I said, I think this new year will be good for both of us. 

I told my DH about your situation and he feels for you. I also asked him if he would consider the IVF route if we needed too and to my pleasant surprise he said "sure, I'd do anything for you, but I hope we can do it naturally." I was pretty happy with that response, so I'm crossing my fingers that you get a similiar response from your DH when you talk to him. Sometimes our DH's can be very insensitive about this whole process, but I think they need to see you in a depressed state before they clue in. 

I'm sending you lots of hugs :hugs: your way and that I'm praying for you that everything will work out. It would have been nice if we were in the same place so we can meet up for lunch or something, but this site is the next best thing. :) 

As for your lining and +OPK, I agree with you, maybe it was too soon for them to check that out. I say just continue with your BD schedule and never miss a cycle. 

As for me, I did get enough BDing, I think 4 days in a row before and after ovulation (according to FF). We'll see what happens. I think the back pain is PMS, I get it about 3 times a year, so not considering it a pregnancy symptom at all, plus I'm only 4 dpo which is too soon for any symptoms I think. 

Anyhow, have fun tomorrow night and try to forget about all of this stuff for at least a few hours. Right! :winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

good morning Monique... gosh I so hope you are right... that 2011 is a good year for us, hate to sound like a downer.. but if it isnt then I know in my heart that by the time 2012 reaches my chances of being a mommy are gone. So where is that damn stork you were talking about haha!!!

yes I so wish we were closer, because I would so be making you meet me at Starbucks for a coffee!!! no doubt....

That is really a good sign that your man has already said he would consider anything, that is a great big hurtle that I didnt even know I would be faced with to be honest. So you are lucky !!

This am I had a little talk with hubby, told him wanted to see where his head was before going to see Dr on Monday. He said he does understand that if we want children that the direction we would probally have to go is with assisted conception. But again that "that is not an easy decision for him and he has to think about it" I told him that I understood that...that it is not easy, but we have to "think" about it now.. not later, because we simply do not have the "time" to waste. He said he understands that, but another concern I was not aware he had was... he said he wanted to ask the Dr that if for some reason my body is telling me it is unable to get pregnant on its own that is it really healthy for me to be forced into getting pregant and would it be healthy for me or the baby. I didnt know he had this thought... . I tried to assure him that NO Dr will give anyone any type of 100% assurance that a baby will be 100% healthy regardless of how it is conceived. So I am not quite sure the FS will be able to ease his mind enough to have him agree for us to atleast start IUI. But we will see how Monday goes. 

Dont worry I will be letting you know how that visit goes... it is at 3pm Monday... gosh say a prayer for me !!!

ok so enjoy your evening!! I definately plan on it!! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

OH AND P.S.

just got my first Peak today... which is the latest I have ever gotten my first peak... its avg about CD 13-14 and once it was as late as 15...but getting it today at CD16 is the absolutely latest... (another side effect of Clomid from what I understand)....so see... I really really think that whole post-coltial test may have just been a little early ya know!!!

but still I really have no CM anyway... gonna try to make sure we "get some action on" the next few nights, and use that concevie plus!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

How was your New Year's Eve evening. Mine was really uneventful. I went out to dinner with another couple and then got back home around 8:30pm. Then my hubby fell asleep till like 11:30pm. I had to wake him up to get the non-alcoholic wine. Then I went to sleep at around 12:10am. Pretty boring, huh? Gosh, I feel so old now! :winkwink:

So, about the conversation you had with your hubby... I'm beginning to wonder if you're hubby is afraid that he'd lose you during childbirth or something like that. Maybe he has it in his head that the so called "unnatural" way of concieving won't be healthy for you and could harm you. I'm sure he'd rather not have a baby than lose you. If that's what he's thinking then I think you have a damn good hubby to think that way. On the other hand, you have to make he believe that hundreds of thousands of women go through this everyday and that your body can handle it. What a sweetheart of a hubby you have!!

Anyhow, I'm 6 dpo and no symptoms so far, just the backache and sore boobs. Only time will tell!!

Are you recovering from a fun filled New Year's Eve?


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## ttc1st_at_40

you were asleep by 12:10 gosh thats funny... but I feel ya... I think I was ready to be home by 10:30 myself... gosh I cant just go go go like I use to.

but we did have a wonderful night out... ended up it was like 11 couples and the restuarant always has great food and a really loud fun atmosphere, we then walked down the street to a local bar for midnight... and we were home by 1:30... 

the rest of the weekend we just sat in and watched a bunch of movies and ordered take out... fun stuff!!!

and ok your now 8dpo any further juicy symptoms yet ???

Ok so as for my FS visit with hubby today&#8230;. So good news&#8230;at the end..although he still has not committed to going with IUI for sure yet&#8230;. I think he is really considering it now. 

FS is really happy that it appears I am responding well to fertility drugs at all...He said not all women do actually... He said he saw a lot of positives from the Clomid (3 big follicles) but my CM is hositle and my lining was too thin, both I guess a big side effect that he is blaming on the Clomid. So need to move to the next set of fertility drugs which are injectables. He said with injectibles they rarely see a CM problem because of it or a thin lining issue... ALSO he is pretty confident that just the injectiables may actually be able to do the trick. Just have to make sure that CM is not bad !!! 

We also talked to FS about the health risks of IUI/IVF. And he has confirmed what I thought was true in the fact that there is no scientific fact that an IUI baby or an IVF baby or a baby conceived naturally there is any difference. There has never been any type of proven birth defects or effect on the mother difference between the way the baby is conceived , so doesn&#8217;t matter if it is naturally or by insemination.

so it looks like the route we are going to go is getting me on to the injectables starting next cycle... (first off crossing my fingers that my insurance company will pay for them... if not they are $1000 per cycle!!!) I Already have to pay out of pocket at $250 fee for them to &#8220;manage&#8221; my cycle?? And have to go into the office 7 times&#8230;for blood work and scanning&#8230;then appx CD14 I&#8217;ll go for another postcoltial and if the CM looks good he will make me take an Ovidrel shot and tell us to have sex 35 hours after that&#8230; but if the CM is bad but the lining is OK, we can do an IUI&#8230; (hopefully hubby will agree to it, as my body will be alllllll ready pumped full of hormones waiting for some SPERMIES!!) but if he cant/wont commit to an IUI&#8230; then perhaps just another cycle with injectibles and see how my CM looks on my 2nd round of injectibles ? and if bad again, perhaps hubby will then do IUI ? pretty much all just a waiting game&#8230;see how my body reacts then go from there I guess.

So thats my story from today :)


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## so_anxious

Im glad you got to relax and watch movies for the weekend. I had to visit my in-laws on New Years Day and then I visited my parents the day after. It was nice. My dad has 3 interviews this week and I have that infamous interview for the PMO Manager tomorrow. 

So, youre going on injectables, huh? Well, thats super news that your Dr thinks that the injectables will work for you. Will you still use the lubricant while youre doing injectables? 

I didnt think the IUI/IVF had any health risks and Im glad that he told you that in front of your hubby. I was attempting to watch a movie called The Back-Up Plan, but I fell asleep. Anyhow, I did watch the first 30 minutes of the movie and Im not sure if you saw the movie or not, but at the very beginning, Jennifer Lopez is getting an IUI and the doctor has her in a special chair that tilts her pelvis. He tells her to raise her legs and sit there for 10 minutes. I wish I had that chair, it would be easier for me to hold my legs in the air for 10 minutes. &#61514;

Wow, did you find out about the insurance company covering your costs yet? Those injectables are pricey, huh? Well, I hope you get preggers either this cycle or on one cycle of injectables. Im wondering if I can bypass all that stuff if Im not pregnant this cycle and go straight to IUI? I have my ultrasound next Wednesday and then I see my family doctor the Wednesday after that for the results. I think at that time well discuss all the fertility tests she can order and then send me to a FS.

Guess what, I started to get that sharp pain again in my right ovary area. Its not as sharp as last time, its more dull and its just very annoying. Like I mentioned before, my dr thinks its either my ovary or appendix. Not sure which one I hope for, if its my ovary, then maybe thats why Im not pregnant yet and they can fix me up, or if its my appendix then thats good and I dont have an ovary issue. Who knows I just hope its not too bad. 

So, I notice youre on 5 dpo, which is cool, cause Im on 9 dpo. So, we may catch up next cycle if were not preggers &#61514; 

I feel like crap today my right side hurts and I had such a migraine yesterday and its now a headache. I have no symptoms whatsoever not even boob pain. Ah well, what can I do!! Blah!


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hey Monique.... good luck with that interview today!!! I'll be thinking of ya.... and gosh your Dad has 3 lined up... was that you that arranged them all? I know you had said you were looking for them right?

I have NOT seen that JLo movie yet... but I really do like her, and that movie looks sooooo cute...I'll have to get that one. Hey do you do the pillow under your butt thing after BDing ? cant remember if we discussed this or not already... I can tell ya I certainly do!! every time for about 20-30 mins... hubby always keeps coming in and checking on me.. "hey how long you have to do that for" or "hey me and the guys are hungry" (guys meaning the dogs... all 3 of them are male) he's just such a cutie my hubby!! love him to pieces.

As for the injectables... yes you are correct they are very pricey. If insurance does not cover they will be $1000 so I am hoping they are covered. I will call the FS office today, and ask them to check with my insurance co so that I know if I get my AF next week what kind of $$ we need to be coming up with. (of course in addition to the $250 I have to give the FS to "monitor my cycle") but good thing is the ultrasounds and blood work will still be covered... as long as I dont get an IUI... so perhaps this first month I will be ok with just injectables. And next month if have a planned IUI all the scanns and blood work would then not be covered so that all together with an IUI is another $1000 (and I think the drugs would definately not be covered then if they know we are doing IUI... so that is potentially a $2000 month YIKES MONIQUE!!!)

OK SO... you got another sharp pain... now I dont know but that may sound like a good thing right? as long as it doesnt turn into that pain you had last month. Now you went to the Dr last month and they just referred you to get an ultrasound next Wednesday then? to see whats going on... ya your right.. not sure if I would be happy with knowing it was the ovary or the appendix.... maybe you do just have a little cycst then? I heard they go away by themselves right ?

ok so ya... it DID look like I was 5DPO but I didnt believe that... FF had me Oing the day before I even had my first peak on my CBFM... which means they went strickly by my temps... but this morning my temps peaked a little again... so FF changed my O date to now the day after my last peak... I really HATE FF... !!!

ok now... GOOD LUCK TODAY!!! GO GETTEM GIRL!!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Ok, so I had the crappiest day today. I had a huge argument with my hubby last night about his stupid family and I was all mad and was still mad in the morning. Then I left work at 9:30 to get to my interview at 11am. I got there at 10:15am so I just parked and studied some more. Anyhow, walked into the building and saw the receptionist at 10:50am. I had to fill out an application, which is so bizarre to me cause I already gave them my resume, but I guess thats policy. Then guess what, they had me wait there till 11:30am for someone to come get me. I was so angry that I had already said to myself at 11:20am that I was leaving at 11:30am. Anyhow, when the HR lady came to get me I pretty much ignored anything she had to say, she gave a really miserable apology. Anyhow, heres the other part, I walk into the interview room and it was the size of a closet. Including myself, there were 4 people in the room which also didnt have any circulating air and it was so bloody hot. So, the first thing I said as I sat down was, I have a meeting at 1pm, so I need to leave at 12noon. I didnt hide the fact that I was furious with their unprofessionalism. The funny thing is, that the company itself isnt a small Mom & Pop place, its a huge organization with 14 other locations in my province. Theyre also rated the Top 50 employers in Toronto. So, I answered all their questions and I think they were impressed with my skill set and knowledge and I didnt get out of there till 12:15pm. I was late to my 1pm meeting by 10 minutes. Thankfully, my manager facilitated it for me. 

Well, Im going to send them a thank you letter this morning for the interview but Im going to tell them that Im not interested in the job anymore. It was such a bad first impression that I can only imagine how unprofessional they would be once I was working there. No way in hell!! :nope:

Anyhow, so the pillow under the butt yeah, I do that too. I also try to hold my legs in the air, but sometimes I get tired and I bend me knees forward. Who knows if that helps? I mean, not to be crude, but Im sure rape victims who end up pregnant dont hold their legs up in the air and another thing is people are always telling me to relax and it will happen if you dont think about it, but think about rape victims. That has to be the most traumatic and stressful experience a women could go through, but some of them do end up pregnant. Did they relax and not thing about it? I dont think so!! Sorry, Im in a really crappy mood today.

My mom got laid off at work on Monday, so now both my parents arent working. What else can go wrong in my life? Whatever!

When do you start the injectables? Im thinking I may have to go the same route too. I have a feeling that you and me will be shelling out a lot of cash this year, you know what just think of the $2000 a month as practice for when you do have a baby. Thats how much daycare will cost if you enrol your child. At least thats how much it cost here. You can use that excuse on your hubby!! :winkwink:

I cant wait to get my ultrasound and see my doctor about this annoying pain. I think this is also stressing me out this month. I havent been sleeping properly, so very stressed. Anyhow, I booked an appointment to see a therapist cause I think Im really overwhelmed with whats going on with my life right now. And I can talk to my husband, but some of the issues Im having is with his family and I know he doesnt want to talk about that either. Blah. :wacko:

How are you feeling today? FF is totally bizarre, isnt it? It gave me cross-hairs yesterday cause I had some watery discharge. Im pretty sure AF is going to show up on Saturday and for the first time since TTCing, I wont be upset. AF is the least of my worries. 

Sorry for being a downer. :growlmad:


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey hey monique...wow... gosh by now I hope your week ended better than it began... GOSH!!! you and hubby make up after? gosh I love my husband, and we dont have arguments that often but when they we do...it sucks... he ends up getting so closed minded, sure an argument is exaclty that you fight your side... but I always can see his side but he never ever sees mine... and I guess one bit of advise about the in-laws....we GIRL.. just have to keep it to ourselves as much as possible, because to be honest I dont think they will ever respond well!!! I kinda learned that first hand...so I spend my time complaining about the inlaws to my sister and friends.. and to you too!! lucky you!! haha

and whats WAS UP WITH THAT INTERVIEW!!! gosh your right, now utterly unprofessional... did ya send off your thank you card? have they contacted you at all since the interview?

oh man so now your mom is out of work TOOOOO ?? gosh... that does stink... how did your dads interviews go? good I hope !!!!

so I need to get an update from ya... getting any symptoms ?? hows the TWW been? when is AF due? do you think you'll be testing ? how bout the pains... how are they this month. You are prob jumping out of your skin for that appoitment next week huh? 

ok so now for me...

soooooo I have no idea what I am going to be doing going foward on my TTC journey... considering my age I knew this all wouldnt be easy... and then when I ended up getting those crappy FSH/LH values that is why I hurried up to the FS. Anyway from what the FS has told me, considering my "case" (my age, my climbing FSH value, and my hubbys SA (its ok but not GREAT) )THAT I litterally have 1% chace of conceiving on my own. Now with the Clomid it increased the odds to like 10%...and Injectables with timed intercouse would increase it to 15% and then again injectables with IUI would increase me up to 20% chance. 

Well it appears going foward as I told ya, Clomid is now no longer an option for me, according to the FS because he believes it thinned my lining and ruined my CM, hense the reason he wanted me to go to injectables.... Well it appears that his only other suggestion for me to move on to injectables may not an Option right now either :( :(

my insurance company will not pay for the drugs which would be $1800 and when on injectables I have to have $1100 worth of scanning/testing done with that...well that will have to be paid my me as well... so thats over $3000...because my insurance wont cover the testing either. They said as soon you start taking injectables that techinically means you are being "treated" for fertility..regardless if you have a IUI or IVF planned... and their exact words are "We will cover all tests for diagnosing fertlity, but we will not fund any testing involved for treating fertility". SOOOOOnext month cycle (which I expect AF next week) would mean we would have to litterally come up with $3000 for the injectables and ultrasounds & blood work. (and if hubby would agree to an IUI it is only $275) I say ONLY because my opinion is, if we would have to spend $3k for doing the injectables and blood work, why the hell not just pay the $275 extra for an IUI to up our chances RIGHT? 

SO pretty much, unless I move on to injectables there is no reason for me to go on with a FS. (that was quick huh... had my first appointment with him on Dec 5 and here we are a month later...and theres nothing more for them to do) !!! 

Hubby and I talked about spending the money... and gosh I really really want to... but I get it, there is not a big % of it working, then what happens the following month I know I will want to do it again and again til it works!!! I JUST DONT KNOW.... I did tell him though that if we know this is the only chance we have, I WANT TO DO IT. But I also said if we have to pay close to $3K for all the drugs and testing, we REALLY should do an IUI THEN!!! His response... oh the test tube baby thing... I was like UGGHHHHH!!!!
He said when do we have to decide this by... I let him know that my period is due next week, then I would call the FS that day then go see them 2-4 days later.... He said find out if they set people up on a payment plan. So I think he is consindering it. BUT I really want us to do an IUI if we are spending this $$$ and it will take alot of time out of my week... apparently I would have to go to the office appx 7-8 times in 14 days... and the Dr's office is 45 minutes from me... so round trip 1 1/2 hours... sure that isnt alot but I also have to work !! so all that time and Dr's visit, and injecting myself with hormones every day...I just want to have the mind set we are doing an IUI.. do you see my point...

but then again, he actually has to agree to all this first...which he hasnt...but I feel hopefull he is thinking about it. It is really hard to talk to him about all this Monique... it really is. I kinda just want him to say... Hey lets try this once or twice, and if doesnt work then lets do one IVF. That would BE MY ULTIMATE MASTER PLAN. But I know with him, I cant get to carried away, I litterlly have to go one month at a time with him.

gosh I wrote so much... and I ramble and ramble... I am sorry!!!

oh a nice side note though.... my friend from Boston who has had tons of fertlity treatments, has some left over vials of these hormones that she will let me have, if so that may help cut down the cost of the drugs for us this first cycle, if we go through with it...

I can say this with all my heart... next week may or may be a turning point in my TTC mission, I will either be moving on to IUI... OR be competly feeling at a lost and just praying for a miracle with back to trying it on my own with a 1% chance of conceiving :( I wish I had a crystal ball....it would come in handy right about now !!!


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## so_anxious

Ok, so I agree with you, girl. Spend the extra $275 for the IUI with the injectables. Im sure most FS have payment plans as all this TTCing costs lots of money that not everyone has at any given moment, right. It sounds like your hubby is thinking about it, and I really think you should definitely do it, cause if you dont, you may start resenting your hubby and thats definitely not a good thing. 

I like your ultimate master plan. Maybe what you should do is set aside a budget. Say, that youll willing to spend a total of $20K to get pregnant. I know it sounds kinda crude, but hey, we have to be realistic right? Anyhow, then figure out what $20K would include, 3 IUIs and 1 IVF? You know what I mean. I guess thats the project manager in me thats speaking right now. Unless, youre willing to spend anything to get pregnant, then forget the budget idea. I dont know, thats what my idea was. Tell your husband that there are thousands of hundreds of children these days that were conceived with the help of a FS. Can he tell the difference? Lets just pray that you get a bfp this week!! :)

Anyhow, now for me... so if you look at my chart, I'm at 14dpo and still no AF, but still no BFP either. My temp dropped this morning and I got really depressed but AF still hasn't show up. Not sure what's going on, but I'm hoping my temp stays above the cover line or rises tomorrow morning. I'm also going to wait till Wednesday morning to test again unless AF shows up. That's the day I have my ultrasound so I'd like to know before I got for the appointment. I've had some totally bizarre symptoms this cycle. My hips have been hurting, one night while I was sleeping, I woke up and had a weird feeling in my uterus. It was a very strange feeling. My boobs are huge and hurt. I've been sneezing like crazy and have a runny nose. My cm has been watery, sticky and creamy. Also, I'm peeing every hour now, I even have to wake up and go several times during the night. I'm wondering if that's why I can't get a bfp. My urine is so diluated. I'm also contipated like crazy, have backaches and get cramps on and off. Oh yeah, I have leg/thigh pains too. I had initially thought it was my sickle cell, but the pain feels differnt. I mean this cycle is really good, I have some really good symptoms. I'm just waiting for that BFP now. 

So, I guess we'll see what happens. As I'm typing this, I have hiccups now. Geez, what else can I get? 

I'm praying really hard for the both of us to get our BFPs this week. :hugs: Okie dokie.

We need to hang in there and take care of each other no matter what!! Right!!


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## so_anxious

AF arrived today and I'm so sad. First time ever had a 30 day cycle. Funny thing is that I'm still peeing every hour and my hip is killing me. Definitely something going on. I can't wait for my ultrasound. I was really hoping this was the month!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

ahhh POOOO Monique... I AM SOOOO SORRY...

I can tell you though, I am pretty certain I am not to far behind you to be honest, already feeling AFish pains, neasuea, boobs just today starting to get sore..and my temp dipped down the last 2 days... 

you know what sucks... is the tricks our bodies play on us and kinda gets our hopes up...then bam AF every time... 

wishing you lots of luck on your Dr visit tomorrow, hopefully they will be able to tell you something huh?

Still waiting myself for my Dr to get back to me to see what my progestrone levels this month were... to see if I really Ovulated on my own.

ps liked your master plan... and to be honest I was thinking the same way.... come up with a $amount and figure out what all we can do with that. Its really looking like I have been hearing that IVF is anywhere from $12K to $25 range. I plan on doing some calling around perhaps to see if I couild get some quotes over the phone, without a consultation. Not sure if places will do that or no. At this time though all the baby talk is kinda off limits with hubby... he is starting to get aggrevated... he said ok to start the injectables, but really really has not said he would do the IUI yet...and if I bring it up again soon... he very well may just blow a gasket!! 

dont mean to be a "Debbie Downer" but Monique I am really getting a little PISSED off.... thought I'd let ya know :)


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl, I totally know what you mean. Are you pissed off with the hubby and/or this crappy TTCing thing weve got going on? I just wish we can cut all this middle crap out and just get pregnant already. What the hell!!! :wacko:

Youre totally not a Debbie Downer cause Im right there with you. We can both be downers then!! Your hubby needs to understand that IUI isnt like an IVF. Its not like their fertilizing the egg outside the uterus. I know you mentioned that he didnt want a test tube baby, but I wouldnt define IUI as test tube. Whats the problem with paying a couple hundred dollars for that? Ah, men!!! They drive women to drink!! :nope:

Anyhow, I didnt realize that IVF could reach to $25K a cycle. Thats really expensive. I dont mind the $12K, but more than that is a lot. I think if it comes to doing IVF, my hubby and I will wait till January 2012, thats after we buy our new house. But in the mean time, well try naturally till we see the FS which will be soon I hope and then I think wed do IUI and then if Im not pregnant by end of year, well definitely start IVF. My ultrasound is tomorrow, but the doctor appointment isnt till next week so I wont get my results till then. Anyhow, I would assume that we discuss FS consultations at that appointment. The thing is that here in Canada, I think the waiting period is a little long to see Fertility Specialists. Blah. :dohh:

This is so depressing. And to think my crazy SIL whose 41 has a kid and shes the dumbest mother ever. The other day her comment to me was I was born to breastfeed. She said this as she was breastfeeding her 10 month old, which I believe will continue to breastfeed till shes 5. Yeah, shes a weirdo. Hey, Im all for breastfeeding but not till the kid is 5 years old. Whatever.

So, you start the injectables this week or next week? When is AF due? My AF is super heavy this time so Im a little concerned right now. 

Besides this crap, hows everything else going? Hows work and do you have any plans this weekend?

I have a gift from our wedding registry that I have to pick up and then Im going to get a haircut and then shopping. Ive also decided to get back into shape again. I totally let myself go since the wedding and I need to get back into shape. Especially since were going to Miami in early April, so Id like to be able to walk on the beach looking good!! :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

"Born to Breastfeed" WHHHHHAAAATTTT.... Who says that !!!!! WTH !!! That is just ridiculous!!!!

ok so U/S today then results next week... ok I get it... are they ok with doing an U/S during AF ? 

as for your appointment next week... if you already know that there is some type of "waiting period" to be referred to a FS... If you feel the need to not want to wait... I suggest you tell your Dr "oh we have been trying for a year" who cares if you just got married... just say you've been trying for over a year, so there is no delay in getting referred... and then you wont have any prob getting in to see one when your ready...ya know what I mean?

ok so as for me... Dr called with my progestrone levels from last week and it was a 21... which is good means I ovualated, on my own. She did say however that she doesnt think my period will come for a week though with such high value there... i really think she is wrong, because I am starting some AF signs already... just starting all the crampy empty feeling down there... and my temp took another big dip down (but you know how I feel about FF... but this time I think it is right on unfortunately) I am expected AF to show either tomorrow or Friday, right on time... and once she is hear I start my injectables 2 days later.

Ok I did some calling around about IVFs... this one place I called looks like a IVF at this one place is 15K not too bad I thought. and included is that is... if you have extra embryos they will store them from up to 18 months frozen, then if you want to come back to get another IVF with the frozen then it is only another 4K . Sure there are risks with the Frozen, in alot of cases the embryos dont make it threw the thawing process, and you dont know that until a day before the IVF....

had another talk with hubby last night... he is ok with me starting the injectables, but he is just not sure if he wants to do IUI, he is sooooo old school Monique... he cant get past the idea about it not being "natural" and he said he cant discuss it with me any more because I dont understand. We kinda got in a little fight about it..... said he simply has not made up his mind if that is the way he wants to have children, and he can not discuss it with me, because I make him feel as thought he doesnt want children if I he doesnt do this. All I can say back to that is... No I didnt want to have to do IUI, it wasnt in my plan to even go see 1 damn Dr to be able to have baby, but I dont have a choice, I am now 40 and the Drs are saying that I really need to do this. He insists he was at the same Drs visit as me, and the Dr said the injectables on their own should increase my CM and help my lining so that we can just do timed intercourse, and he did not insisted we need the IUI, But my response to that was... on CD14 we have to do another post colital test, and if is confirmed that my CM is bad again, the next day they will want us to do a IUI, you need to let me know if you will do that or not, if not I dont want to waste a month of $1800 on meds, not to mention all the fees I will have to pay to the Dr and driving to the Drs every other day on a round trip of 1 1/2 hours, if you will not commit to the IUI. He sees my point... but is just really really struggling with the whole idea of it being unnatrual, and there is just really nothing I can say anymore at this point, he just needs to make the decision on his own I guess. I simply told him in closing... that Yes I do want kids, and at this point I will do ANYTHING to have them, because I KNOW in the end 5 years from now if I do not have children... I will NOT be okay with that. I just simply will not, and I dont look foward to any type of life with out them. 

My one friend who didnt even want kids to begin with is now the mother of 2 and she still insists that she believes she would have a very fulfill life with a husband she loves and not having children. I DISAGREE whole heartidly... I do NOT feel that way.... I certainly LOVE my husband with all MY heart, but I will simply be HEARTBROKEN if I can not have children, and I really really believe it will destroy my marriage. I really do!!

and for some reason I just can not get that thought out of my head... I know I need to and think positive going into this next month... 

as for this weekend... we have a big football game this Saturday... Our team has made it to the Play offs, my hubby will actually be at the game, and I am certain your hubby will prob be watching it. Pretty big game. I will watch it too with friends, but dont have tickets to the game.. they are very hard to come by... my hubby is lucky enough to get some through work, but then he has to take clients to the game with him :( . Anyway and then on Sunday we have my hubbys neices Sweet 16 birthday party... so I get to see all the in-laws..yippeee!!! each time I see them I try to keep an open mind... but as I mentioned before... talk about a big bunch of "Debbie Downers" Yikes!!! 

oh and heres another one that is a punch in the gut... we went to my hubbys cousins wedding the 1st week in October...Bride 25 Groom 28... yep... they are pregnant... figures right!! whatever!!


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## so_anxious

So, just got back from my ultrasound, yeah it was pretty nasty. When I made the appointment, I had told them that I would have AF at the appointment and they said that it was ok. Anyhow, not to be gross or anything, but lets just say it was a very messy experience. Especially when she had to do the vaginal one like 3 times. It took like an hour cause they were investigating everything especially the area that I have pain. Anyhow, I guess its all a waiting game till I see my dr on Wednesday. Its funny they asked me if I was constipated and I was like, yeah, since Friday. Then they said, yeah, we can see that. Tee hee:dohh:

Anyhow, from what I remember my dr saying to me last time I went, was that after the ultrasound we may go straight to doing all the fertility testing, FSH, semen analysis, etc All that stuff you said your doctor did. Im assuming that shell refer me to a FS at the same time, since the waiting periods can be a little long. Whatever she says, Im going to tell her that I want to go see an FS right now. The other thing is that shes going to also tell me how good or bad my sickle cell is, cause she did 2 blood tests just around Christmas. Im hoping thats good too. So, Im hoping the ultrasound went ok and I simply pulled a muscle or something. Wouldnt that be grand!! :winkwink:

So, the $15K for IVF which includes embryo freezing sounds like a terrific deal. Id be up for that. Oh yeah, Im not sure if you mentioned it to me before, but is your hubby Catholic? I was watching Law & Order:SVU last night and they were talking about IVF and blah, blah, blah. Anyhow, they said that Catholics dont believe in IVF. I didnt even know that and Im a Catholic and Anglican. Yeah, I was baptized about 4 times in my life. Long story!! Im wondering if his beliefs are based on religion. I have to tell you that I totally agree with you and that if youre going to spend a crap load of money on injectables, might as well do the IUI. I mean its the logical way to go, right? I also agree with you that if you dont try everything you can to have kids, including IVF, you will resent your hubby and you will not have a happy life together. There is a difference between trying everything and not trying at all. So, I totally agree with you. Some people believe that they will react differently if they were in certain situations, but Im living proof that you will never know how you will react unless you are in that situation. By living proof, I mean that I use to think that if my boyfriend/husband/fiancée were to cheat on me, that I would just leave them in a second and never talk to them. But when my ex did all those horrible things to me and I found out, I was still in love with him, and even though I wanted to bash his head in, I still wanted to talk to him too. You cant turn off loving someone in one day. So, for your friend to say that shed still be happy without kids, she would never know now, would she? She already has them. Anyhow, I digress.

So, football on Saturday, I didnt even know that. I wonder if my hubby knows cause we have an appointment to go to the spa. Im going to get a pedicure (my feet are jacked up) and hes going to get a mans pedicure. This is his second, the first time he went, he almost kicked the lady in the face cause she tickled him. I think the best part for him is the massaging of the calves and feet. Also, my hair needs a trim really badly. I have a gift certificate for $250 at one of those foo-foo spas, so I figured Id use it now. After that, were going to have dinner in the same area. It should be fun. 

Good luck with the in-laws. I havent bothered with mine in a while and Im thrilled. Yippee!! Is the Sweet 16 party going to be huge? Gosh, I remember those days!! :)

Ok, and the 25 year old bride thats pregnant, just makes me want to puke. I was listening to the news this morning on my way to work and all I heard were all kinds of celebrities are pregnant now. What the hell man!!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

ya I guess I could easly understand why the U/S would be a little messy this time of month.. thats why I asked.. haha!! and ya I guess we forget that everything is all jammed into that little area (i.e. our instestines) Well I hope since they took an hour in there, they found what they were looking for, and hoping you get some good news, and that the sickle cell is staying calm as well!!

and OHHHHH yes my Hubby and his WHOLE family are Catholic... actually they are die-hard old school Irish Catholics!!! DONT GET ME STARTED!!! HAHA... I am Episcoplian and love my Lord !! with all my heart!!.. But to THEM... if you are not Catholic you mine as well be worshiping the Devil. My hubby is not bothered by me not being Catholic, but his family is just crazy... I tried more than once to explain that we are all Christians we use the same damn bible, just Catholics follow the traditions of a Pope, and also "interpret" the bible differently than Episcoplians. And my opinion is "to each their own"... oh NO not them. I tried to be honest and let my hubby know that Catholics do not believe in IVF/IUI and I have no idea why I even told him... I said listen I dont want us to discuss this with our families, he was like why do you say that... and I told him that Catholics do not believe it IVF/IUI so I am sure your family would not respond to this all well.... he was like... hmmmm why dont they like it..... I said well its the same thing as they do not believe in birth control either (or pre-marital sex)... but see he had no problems with that before we were MARRIED... So my opinion of Catholics is they only follow the "rules" when it fits them... As I said originallly DONT GET ME STARTED. 

So that dumb nurse that told me "Oh your period shouldnt come for a bout a week" was I think wrong... I woke up to a little pink spot, and feel it coming hard... so by mid-afternoon I think I will have AF full blown... If thats the case I will prob have an appt with them tomorrow or Sat I think. 

WOW A SPA DAY... I am SOOOO JEALOUS!!! gosh I love the spa....just thinking of it right now... gosh I could go for a good deep tissue massage!!!!!! u lucky duck!!!! and a gift certificate... EVEN BETTER!!!

I am thinking your hubby probablly knows about the game ? it is the play offs... we have 2 weekends of playoffs, then the first week of February is the Super Bowl... we have a good chance of making it. sounds like if he does know about it he'd rather be doing a spa day too!!!


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## so_anxious

Dude, lets hope that little pink spot is implantation spotting tee hee!!! After I read your post, I wished we lived closer together I swear wed be the best of friends. :) I totally agree with you about the whole Christina belief and no one religion is better than the other. We do read the same bible, so what the hell??? Whatever!! People only take the stuff out of the bible that suits their needs for that particular day. Its the same old thing all the time. What a joke!

Yeah, looking forward to the spa day, I think that will help me relax a bit. Although, Ive been sleeping like a baby for the last few days since AF arrived. I wish that would happen during the tww. Im going to have to relax more. Im also going back to the gym again to help with my stress levels. Theres a gym right across the street from us that Im thinking of joining, cause the one in my condo is too small and someone is always taking the good elliptical machine. Drats!!

So, Rob, my hubby probably does know about the playoffs, what time does that start? Is it in the evening, maybe he thinks hell be home by then or something. Ill ask him when I get home tonight. He was all upset on Sunday cause his favourite team, Philadelphia eagles lost or something like that. He had his pals over and everyone was screaming at the tv I was like, Ill just hang out in my bedroom and leave you guys alone! 

Let me know if AF arrives. Im hoping doesnt tee hee..:winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

naaa... no such luck monique... AF came on strong by late morning... tomorrow I am suppose to go to the Drs for my 1st check before I start the injections, they do blood work and an ultrasound, blood work to check what my levels are...to determine how my dosage will start out (hoping my FSH is not HIGH) and an Ultrasound to make certain there are no cycst left over from last month. I guess when on fertility meds that is common cause you producin excess follicles, sometimes you body doesnt flush them, then instead stay around for a month or so and turn into cycst... 

I am very concerned though, injections are suppose to start tommorrow...but I have come down with a nasty cold/flu... not sure what it is... on top a a very nasty AF (craps naseau etc) I also have a sever headache, my whole upper body to the tip of my head aches!! and I had a pretty high fever last night of 102... not sure if a spike like that will mess with the outcome of my cycle...crap.... i have to be there at 9am tomorrow, they dont open til 8am, i will call them if I still feel like crap and ask their opinion... I would hate to waste this first month because of this stupid cold!!!

wanted to pop on here though and tell you have a great day tomorrow... now more than ever I wish I was going with you too!! my body aches so bad, I almost just shed a tear thinking bout a nice massage... oh and P.S. yes it would be dangerous if we lived close to eachother !! haha


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## ttc1st_at_40

oh and I know we brought this up before... 

but HONESTLY... my periods are SOOOO BAD NOW!!! I NEVER use to get all these crazy cramps and shit!!! I can help to wondering if by some chance every month maybe there is a little bean in there that just cant hang on, and causes me such horrible periods ya know... this bites!!!


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## so_anxious

Yeah, I totally know what you mean. Since I was 2 days late this cycle, it was the heaviest and shortest AF yet. I was wondering the same thing as well. Well, I've got 3 more days to go till I see my dr. Hoping all the news is good. I've started to work out again and watch what I eat, but really that's because I'm going to Miami in April and I want to look good, but if that helps with ttcing, then even better. I'm hoping that I'm knocked up by time we do go to Miami cause if not, then AF will be with me on my travels. 

Hey, did you have your ultrasound and tests yet? Do you still feel sick? I can tell you that it's definitely going around. Is it your sinuses or do you think you have the flu. Gosh, I hope you don't miss a cycle cause of your illness. That would definitely suck. 

So, Rob and I went to the spa and it was wonderful. I had my pedicure right beside my hubby as he had his. Then I went to get my hair cut and that turned out really well. I have super curly hair and usually people burn me as they're trying to blow dry it straight, but this guy didn't!. :)

After that, we went out for dinner, but it was pretty dead in the city. We had a huge snow storm in the morning and we weren't even sure we'd make it to the spa, but they had my credit card number and if I didn't turn up they would have charged me the total amount which came up too $293. Yikes. I'm glad I had a gift certificate, but I also think it's worth it sometimes to do that kind of stuff.

So, did your team win this weekend? When we were in the restaurant, there were some televisions there and my hubby was trying to see if he can watch the game. Then I got home and that's all he did, while I relaxed in the bedroom. Ah well.

I sure hope you're feeling better now. My CBFM asked me for a test this morning, so I've started to POAS, but I'm hoping I don't get a dud like last time. That was totally annoying. Not sure how this cycle is going to turn out, if I'll ovulate early or the same time. If it's the same time, then I think I'll ovulate on Monday or Tuesday. Anyhow, my BD plan is every other day till the Friday and then every day, till Monday and then back to every other day. We'll see if my hubby can handle that. He's been called to Jury Duty today, so I hope he doesn't have to go the whole week or get chosen. tee hee... :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

hello there Monique.... gosh I was sooooo sooooo sick... I think today I am almost like 80% better hoping by tomorrow I will be 100%... boy that cold/flu what ever it was...really hit me hard... headaches sore throat,, swollen glands... I just felt SHITTY!!!

sounds like you and Rob had a FANTASTIC SPA DAY TOGETHER!!! how awesome!!! a nice date day together... and your hair turned out great too... what a bonus huh? 

So YES MY TEAM WON!!! (The Steelers) ... so now we have one more game to win (this weekend) to be in the Super Bowl. I actually may be getting tickets to this weekends game...wont know until the end of the week though... they are SUPER expensive even during regular season, so playoff games they triple in price.. but we got lots of friends who go so hubby is working on getting me a tix too. I am just as much a fan as him.... he generally goes to all the Super Bowls if the Steelers are in them... so do I haha... he ends up getting tix through his work, and he has to take clients to the game (usually its his closest friend that also owns a bar... so win/win for him) last 2 times Steelers went to the Super bowl I also went to the games !! Tampa in 2009 and Detriot in 2006, 1 time I had to buy my own tix ($1500) the other time I was given :) so yes unfortnately a very expensive sport if you go to the games... but so much fun!!!! 

So your appointment is when tomorrow ? please let me know what they have to say!!! I am sure you are "so anxious" huh : )


as for me... yep started my injections... had my first class on Saturday and they did blood work and an ultra sound... I have to go into the office (so far) every day to get blood work (except Sunday) and I guess I am responding well... they havent changed my dosage yet, seems he started me off really really low, so I dont produce a ton of eggs (generally with IVF they try to get ya tons of follicles and give ya crazy high dosages of this stuff...but there is a fine line, they want you to produce a lot with IVF but in the mean time they dont want you to hyperovulate either, so tricky stuff it seems) but on the other hand with just using injectables with time intercourse or an IUI they only want you to produce a few folicles there... so hoping this stuff does the trick... I should be getting an ultrasound here soon in the next few days to see how things are going and how my lining is looking so far... fingers crossed that that lining is getting nice and thick (but not too thick of course) 

oh and P.S. the injections really dont hurt at all !!! really I was like... NO WAY am I gonna be able to do that to myself, but really I dont even feel the needle go in, just when I start to inject, I end up wiggling the needle around a little so that is they only time I feel a little pinch... so much easier than I though!! ya know

ok gonna run... on my lunch break...but wanted to check in since i havent wrote to you for a while... GOOD LUCK with the Drs appt!!!! happy thoughts and BABY DUST TO BOTH OF US!!!! please please please let this be our month!!!!


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## so_anxious

OMG, I cant believe you were so sick well, I guess I can believe it. Everyone here at work is sick too. Actually in Ontario, theres like some crazy flu season going on. Our Health minister is asking everyone to get their flu shot cause the emergency wards in all the hospitals are filled up cause of people coming in with the flu. Well, Im so happy that your feeling better now. Sheesh, that can really drain you out, huh?

So, yeah the Spa day was really good, Im so happy we went. This weekend we have tickets to see a comedy show, so I think were going to do dinner and a show on Saturday night. Its always so much fun to do that kind of stuff with my hubby. 

I asked my hubby about the football game and the Steelers and he said, youre online friend must be super excited to see the game!. I was like, yeppers. Ive never been to a football game, but my husband has some tickets to see the Buffalo Bills or something like that. Anyhow, I know he spent an arm and a leg for those tickets, but even those werent as much as a Super Bowl ticket. I can only imagine how fun it must be to cheer on your favourite team. I saw a couple of hockey and basketball games before and they were pretty fun. Well, I hope your team wins then. I would be very exciting, wouldnt it! &#61514;

Anyhow, I went to my appointment yesterday afternoon, and guess what!!! Im apparently absolutely perfect. Apparently, my ovaries are very good, my uterus lining is above average and my appendix is good too. My doctor thinks that I pulled a muscle or something. Im so freaking happy right now, cause I was so scared that I had a cyst or fibroids, but I dont have anything. Anyhow, she did give me a requisition for FSH, LH, prolactin and estrodiol. She said that I have to wait till day 3 of my period to get the blood test. She also said that hopefully, I get preggers this cycle, but if I dont , then I do the blood test and then go back to see her after the test and then shell send me to an FS. She said that she doesnt believe that there are any problems on my side though. She said that even my iron is good and Im anaemic, so thats really good. As for my sickle cell, she said that its pretty much the same as it was a couple years ago, so nothing new and nothing she can do. Thats not surprising, though!!

So, Im feeling really good about myself right now. On the other hand, I have some concerns about my hubby. For some reason, he forgot to mention that he had a hernia as a child, which may or may not affect his fertility. Thanks for telling me this now, ding dong!!! Anyhow, I told him he needs to call his doctor today and get a requisition for a semen analysis. I want him to get checked out like now!!! So, well see if he calls the doctor today. Did I mention that he got called to jury duty on Monday and has been sitting as juror #6 on a attempted murder case. Anyhow, hes not too happy about it cause hed rather be at work, but I think the trial might be over by this Monday. Lets cross our fingers.

Well, Im on cd 11 of my cycle and Ive already had 2 highs and I think I may peak soon too. Who knows anymore, but this is the earliest that Ive gotten a high, even though my period was 2 days late. Gosh, I hope we get our BFPs soon. This is torture.

It looks like youre responding really well to the injectables, huh? Have you talked to your hubby lately about the IUI? Im so hoping that he agrees to it, it just makes sense to do it. If I find out that my DHs sperm isnt too good, thats the first thing Im going to do, get the IUI right away. Man, dont these guys know we dont have time to waste sheesh!!

Anyhow, Im praying for us for the next few days so that we ovulate and the little ones meet up with the egg and then our little bean sticks for the next 9 months!! Yippee!!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

thats is SOOOO GREAT TO HEAR!!! That you got good news from the Dr!!! YIPPEEEE...after all that worrying....its a pulled muscle!! ok then! you'll take that right!!! gosh such great news too that the sickle cell is looking ok right now as well... you must be soOOOOO relieved huh? 

and you got another date weekend with hubby... how fun!!!! hope the comedian is funny... those shows are fun... havent been to a comedy show for a while... thats a good idea!!! hope you have a fab time!!!

so I checked out your chart... and ya already got your positive OPKs!!! little early for ya huh?? thats ok tho!! right? so I am hoping your bd schedule has been going good for ya? ya getting in all your days so far? and next month...if that darn AF comes (lets hope not of course) all those tests you got lined up... yep I know all about them so if you have ANY questions I can prob help answer them ;) so did your man call the Dr for the SA ? and ummm yes Love Hello!! he failed to mention... gosh our guys can be such dummys some times right!!! is his jury duty done too... I can tell ya... I purposely never became a registerd voter in the US strickly because that is how they "Randomly" pick you for jury duty, because of your voting registration... thats why I never registered.. hahaha!!! 

as for me... as of today I think my cold is finally gone... was still a bit under the weather this whole week... we are having some crazy cold weather here. It was Zero when I woke up this AM. Yes I get it its January... but I HATE cold weather.

I can tell you that YES I am super pumped for the game tomorrow. Our whole city actually goes nutz over the Steelers...as I think I mentioned to you before... I pretty much litterally dont know one person that does not watch the Steeler games. We are jsut that crazy. Our city is pretty notorius for the love of Football... we had weekend rallys in the city, at work everyone wears their Steelers Jerseys... and I was at the mall yesterday and EVERYONE had Steeler gear on... it really is so much fun!!! Oh and for the game tomorrow... I get to sit in Box seats!!! yayayayaya!!! THANK GOD... cause there is really NO WAY I would be able to sit out in the cold, I dont care if the tix are free or not... So not sure if you know what Box seats are... but they are the BEST SEATS IN THE STADIUM!! YA..YAA.... we will be all nice and warm and have food served to us!!! So love my husband for taking me with him!!! 

ok so as for the baby making stuff.... yep looks like I am responding well to the injections from what they are saying..yesterday was my CD 9 and I had an ultra sound yesterday and they saw some nice follicles and my lining looked good (was 9mm which was excelent cause last month on CD14 it was only 6.9 which is way to thin) so all good news they are so happy with. Tonight will be my last injection of FSH and then I have to do my "trigger" shot tomorrow evening, that is to trigger ovulation, so I will do that around midnight and I should ovulate 12-36 hours later. So Monday AM I go in for another post-colital... this is where hubby and I have sex, then they test my CM 2 hours later...as I am sure you know I had no CM last time so hoping with these injections my CM is better... if the test goes bad they will want to do an IUI on Tuesday AM... AND nope as of yet... hubby has not said he would do it... I am not going to give him too hard of a time though... if he doesnt do it this month, I can not be upset with him, I will tell him I will compromise and we can try ONE month without but he HAS to do it next month. Thats my plan. 

so if you think about it also... we are definately getting our cycles more closer to eachother... because I am doing this ovulation trigger shot I already know for sure that I am going to O either Monday or Tuesday... and you should be Oing prob today right ? so we are really really close!! and how utterly fantastic would it be that this is our last month of comparing schedules!!! and we can go straight to comparing baby clothes!!! gosh that litterally brought a tear to my eye!!


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## so_anxious

So, my dear Renee, it looks like your Steelers won the game last night. You must be thrilled. My hubby was watching it and I told him that you had box seats and he was so excited that I know a girl that loves football. Tee hee. How were your box seats anyhow? Ive never been to any sporting event where I had box seats, but I know my brother in law who works for RIM (blackberry) he gets box seats all the time. So, what time did you get home? Must had been super late, right? Tee hee. Im sure you had a blast yesterday. :winkwink:

As for me, I had fun at the comedy show. The lady that we saw was super raunchy. Her name is Lisa Lampanelli and apparently she has a huge gay following. It was so funny, I loved it. She made fun of every race, religion, and sex. Hey man, if you can laugh at yourself then its the perfect show to go to. 

Anyhow, so my chart is like totally bizarre again this cycle. The first 2 cycles when I started charting, they were very normal and obvious, but these last 2 cycles are baffling me. So, I got 2 positive OPKs again, and I thought I ovulated on CD 13, but FF told me that I ovulated on CD11, which doesnt make any sense cause thats the first day I got a positive OPK and I got another positive the next day. FF is totally messed up, dude. Anyhow, I changed the tuning to override and use my CBFM as primary reading. So, now it makes a bit more sense. I guess FF got all confused my by temps. Could I have released 2 eggs again? Who knows. Im just glad it happened sooner this cycle. Anyhow, the hubby and I managed to BD on CD 10, 11, 12 and 14. We did DTD on CD 13, but my hubby didnt finish, if you know what I mean. I think he was a little stressed out. :shrug:

Guess what, hes also been doing some research. Hes such a funny little guy. Hes been talking to a few of his friends that have kids and one of them told him to do it doggie style and then make sure that I stay in the position (on hands and knees) for at least 5 minutes. I was like what! Anyway my hubby said, cant we at least try it like that for this cycle and see what happens. I was like, ok!!! Isnt that the funniest thing ever? So, I stayed in that position for at least 5-10 minutes, man, that was torture and then after that, I laid on my back with a pillow under my butt. Well see what happens. What a joke! :wacko:

As for jury duty, hes gone back today and I hope he finishes by Tuesday, cause he may get sequestered if they dont make a decision on Tuesday by 8pm. Yikes, Im going to miss my hubby if hes sequestered. :( Since, I moved to the city with my hubby, I havent registered as a voter yet, maybe I shouldnt either. Tee hee..

Ok, dude what is up with this weather??? Its like so freaking cold here too. So, we do celcius here in Canada, and our weather is -20 with a windchill of -27. Im not sure what that calculates in Fahrenheit, but Im sure its not good. You probably have the same cold snap we have. Yikes. Im not too fond of the winter either. I like spring and fall. 

As for you, just looking at your chart and your temp is pretty high today. Did you ovulate then? Im so happy that your responding well to the injections and that your lining is better than last time. I hope your test this morning goes well and that your dhs spermies live this time. I like your plan about waiting to do the IUI next cycle, if you dont get preggers this cycle, but Im praying that you dont have to even bother with next cycle. That would be so wonderful. Also, the fact that our ovulation dates are lining up, is totally cool too. This is definitely going to be an exciting year for both of us. Yipee!!

I hope we get knocked up this cycle, cause my FF runs out in 12 daysblah.


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## ttc1st_at_40

ill say it AGAIN... yep I HATE FF!!! the website "claims" when ya do the "Advanced Setting" that they take ALL signs into account... I dont believe that... I really think on Advanced they JUST look at temps. One month it gave me my O day before I even had an positive OPK so I know that thing only uses temps... and we know how crazy my temps are... anyway...So yep I think you made the right move changing the setting to just use your Monitor/OPKs... And I just looked at your temps have stayed consistantly high... I would for sure say that you O'd this month... did ya know there are alot of women that dont even O at all... I guess we should consider ourselves lucky?

and golllllly... yep looks like you definately got enough BDing in this month... !! good for you guys... and your hubbys research... first of all YES that is just so darn cute!!!! OMG... how funny is that he is doing his own research!!! LOVE IT!!! AND hmmmm staying in doggy style position for 5 minutes... I always do the butt on pillow thing... totally two different positions, wouldnt you say? I did hear though when the do IUI or IVF they have you tilted in a special table, wonder if they position you face down and come from behind? I think so actually.

ok so whats up that jury duty over? or is he going to have to be sequestered? and hows that diet coming... getting that body ready for the beach ??? 

as for me..

yes that GAME WAS AWESOME!!!! It was soooooo exciting to see our team win!!! and we are going to the Super Bowl... this is the 3rd time in 6 years we are going to the Super Bowl!!! our town is going nutz!! everywhere you look Steelers stuff... banners and flags on peoples cars!! its crazy fun stuff!!! 

ok so I decided to keep doing FF this month... although there is really no need for me to do the CBFM or OPKs because these injections are really controlling my cycle..so I dont need to pee on sticks to see when I am going to ovulate or anything like that. but I just kept up with FF to see after I O if my temps stay high. Oh and P.S. I already bought the year subscription....yes even how bad I hate that site.. I am still a sucker....

how these injections work... if your interested....see the first part of my cycle I take FSH injections (follistim) to make my folicles grow, and each day they test my blood, then as soon as they see my LH rising (as you know this happens right before you O) so I also start taking another shot to supress this because they dont want me to O on my own... so I take a 2nd shot called Ganirelex to stop my LH from rising...then when they think the follicles are large enough.. then I take a trigger shot to make me O.... so on Friday and Saturday night... I took the Ganirelex (to stop the LH from rising and from Oing on my own) then on Sunday night they had me to the Trigger shot... So I would O between 12-48 hours later. Monday AM they wanted us to come in for the post-colital to see how my CM is and if it was bad they would suggest IUI on Tuesday.....

WELLLLLLLL I did my Trigger shot Sunday at Midnight... and we "tried" to BD on Monday AM so I could go in a few hours later for them to test the CM.... and hubby was not able to perform :( we tried and tried... and just couldnt make it happen... I called the office and they were like... WELLLLLL we really wanted to do this test because this will give us a clear indication if your CM is bad we know that the sperm can simply not get to where they need to be, and this will tell both you and us that you %100 need an IUI to get the sperm to your cervix. But since we werent able to do the test we could still come in the next morning (tuesday) for an IUI because it clearly is in our fertile window. Hubby really really did feel soooooooo bad he knew what I went through for over a week straight, doing these injections and driving 1 1/2 hours before work each am... he said... he is not opposed now to trying an IUI because he really does understand that we probally really need to do it... but he just couldnt do it tomorrow...and would do it next month.

So they said we can do this all over again next month. Do the injectables... do the trigger shot...next day do the CM test and if its bad come in for IUI the next day. But my plan is... we will do the test of the CM but absolutely come I want to go in for sure for the IUI the next day even if the CM looks perfect... Im over it !! lets get this show moving !!!!

BUT to finish off this cycle... they said we certainly still do have a chance and to be sure that we have sex at least 2 times with in the next 24hours SOOOOO thats what we did... actually we did it 3 TIMES !!! yaya... because we really could possibly still have a chance on our own... and since I did the trigger on Sunday Night we absoutly KNOW that we are exactly in our "fertile window" for up to 48 hours which would be Tuesday Night.... So yep we got a bunch of sessions in.

So thats my status for this month.... I am now officially in the 2ww period. I go in next Monday for a progestrone test to see if I for sure O'd (there really is a 90% chance that I did because of that trigger shot... and I generally O on my own anyway) so hoping for a nice result on that. Starting tomorrow I am to take progestrone suppisitores each night... suppose to help with your lining, its a little pill you put on the end of a stick and deposit it up there... pleasant huh? Apparently this is generally something they give to everyone that has done a cycle of injectables... I am thinking I just keep taking these until AF shows up they say? but then again I keep reading that taking these suppositories could also delay AF from coming... great... just another way to get peoples hopes up... so my LP is usually 11-12 days... and and I should really get AF Monday Feb 7th... but if these progestrone things really delay AF, then in my head I will already know this and will not even test until Wednesday the 9th of Feb... yep thats my plan !! and thats my testing day gosh thats 2 WHOLE WEEKS!!! FROM TODAY... its gonna be the roughest 2ww YET Mo !!! 

So I am ok though... little disappointed, but hey.. I knew hubby wasnt gonna do an IUI this month... and was ok with going 1 month on injectables without an IUI then I was going to insist on an IUI next month... and it looks like he is ok with that on his own without me INSISTING.... ya so I have a plan for next month... so I guess that is why I am not terribly upset about this month. So now my 3 month plan is (see I am a bit of a project manager too haha!!) My plan is.. to do perhaps 2/3 IUIs then definately insist on IVF... hubby doesnt know this plan yet... I am going to just try to make it happen along the way... what do you think? good plan huh??


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## so_anxious

Yeah, that Advanced setting in FF is a total crap shot. It does only look at temps. Im still not entirely sure if I ovulated on CD 13 or 14, but I think if I average it out, if I want to test early it would be on Feb 4th. Otherwise to really make sure, I would test on Feb 7th, if AF doesnt arrive. As for Oing, Im not even sure I Od last month, cause it was a slow rise, which Ive never had before, so who knows. But yes, I did know that some women dont even O. I do consider myself lucky.

Yeah, I think I did enough, but I every month, I always feel like I didnt do enough. Do you know what I mean? I keep thinking to myself, maybe I should have started earlier or maybe I should keep BDing a week after I O. Im so confused :shrug: Im not sure if my hubbys friends theory is right, but I figured Id amuse him since hes trying to help out. I think its hilarious. 

OMG, so my poor hubby got sequestered last night, cause they didnt make a decision yet. Some lady from the court house called me and said, Youre husband isnt coming home tonight. What can I say to that???? Ah well, I wonder if theyll call me again tonight if theyre not finished yet. Its very bizarre for me, cause Im not use to not communicating with him for more than 1 day. He cant even call me or email me :cry:

Also, Ive been eating salads for the last 2 weeks now and yesterday I got bored of it and got a veggie burger. I guess thats not half bad! I do need to work out more, I just get so tired after work. Before the wedding, I use to work out at 5am every morning even before work, but that was because of my wedding. Im not sure if Miami holds that same special meaning for me. :nope: 

Wow, my hubby is going to be super jealous of you and your hubby. Wait till I tell him that youre going to the Super Bowl. Yikes That should be a really great experience. We dont have any good teams in Toronto for any sport, so its rare that youll see fans with banners or flags. Tee hee.

Renee, Im totally going to keep doing FF too. I was wondering how long of a subscription I should get. Maybe I should just do the year too. It could take me a year before I get knocked up. So, youre not using the CBFM or OPK anymore, huh? I guess it doesnt make sense to spend more money on test strips when you already know your timing. Plus, youre spending a small fortune on injectables, right? 

So, what I was wondering, is, if I just wanted to do an IUI, do I have to do the injectables or can I just ovulate on my own and just go in for the IUI? I guess it makes more sense to know when exactly youre going to ovulate, right?

Oh man, Im always concerned about making guys DTD under pressure. I think my hubby would do the same thing. Hes already freaking out about the semen analysis. He doesnt want me anywhere around when hes doing his business. He even asked me if its possible for us to do it and then when hes ready he can just pull out and put it in the cup. I told him I had no idea and it may contaminate the semen. Anyhow, I can totally understand why your hubby didnt finish, but Im so excited that hes going to do the IUI. I really think that would help you out for sure. If I could do the IUI now, Id be like sign me up. Sometimes there are people that are more reactive than proactive. Its mostly women, I think. We always plan ahead and make sure we have a systematic approach, but men, are more reactive. Its only when the chips are down that they realize what they have to do. Im just really happy that he made a decision.

So, does your hubby have to do his business in a cup for IUI? How does that work? Can he do it like tomorrow and then have them keep it till you need to do your IUI?

Is that all they ask for, 2 times when you get your LH surge? Hmm then I guess Ive been doing it right. :) Thats good that you worked in 3 times even better. 

So, I think were only like 3 days apart from each other now. I think my cycle will return to 28 days again next time unless AF doesnt show up.. tee hee So, are you guys on a payment plan or something? Do they bill you every month? How does payment work for all these test and injectables? Those suppositories sound lovely. Its like a never ending yeast infection remedy. :shrug: So, is the progesterone to lengthen your LP or is it like backup for people who have short LPs? Anyhow, I guess it couldnt hurt, right? I have the 2ww I absolutely hate it. And guess what I have that freaking ovary pain again. I swear theres something going on in there. I seriously believe my doctor that it was muscle pain, but why the hell does it only hurt after ovulation. Sometime it hurts when AF arrives, but it usually dies down quite a bit when AF arrives. Its so bloody bizarre!!!! Whatever, what can I do? Ill have to wait till I see an FS. 

Dude, your plan is a good one. I think you are a project manager too!! :winkwink: I know youre disappointed, I was too when we missed that one day of BDing, but at least were done with that part and we can move onto the 2ww. With these injectables youre taking, I have a funny feeling youre going to have twins. Wouldnt that be cool????


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## ttc1st_at_40

HELLO HELLO Monique!!! 

super crazy busy work week for me... but wanted to check in with ya...

first of all I am not going to the super bowl... gosh I wish... I guess when I said WE are going to the Super Bowl... I really mean WE as in my team !! but again I wish I was going this year!!! no such luck though :(

I know what ya mean by thinking you've tried enough.... If I go into the 2WW thinkin yep we did every other day, then hit our 2 peak days... I feel really good about everything...then as the 2WW progresses I start to really doubt everything... which I am doing now I might add.

how bout this... first time since I have started temping I totally forgot to do it yesterday... have no idea what came over me... for the last 3-4 months solid I have remembered to take my temps, took the thermometer on trips with me and everything... yep yesterday just got straight out of bed... strange... huh?

as for the IUI ... I dont think you "have" to actually do injectables... obviously it just really helps with your folicle development etc... but my Dr would have just let me do it on the Clomid if everything looked good, but my lining got thin on it so he would not have suggested it. I am assuming you could probally also do it on a non medicated cycle as well if your Dr would let you... I dont see why not... just bring ya in and check your folicles, and then when your close to ovulating (by checking opks or CBFM...or maybe even he can do the blood work to know this as well) just go on in and do an IUI... I really dont see why not. as for hubbys involvement, this dr I am going to wants a fresh sample...so the day of the IUI hubby would go in 2 hours before me...give his sample then they would "prepare" the sample and I would go in a few hours later for the insemenation...but then again that is how my Dr works... I am sure every one may be different actually....meaning maybe the guy can go in the day before and they keep it in a safe environment perhaps? not sure, exactly. I do know that some people that use Donor Sperm, that usually comes frozen if the are "purchasing" it... so I am sure there are so many options I guess

So I am feeling ok in my TWW... just getting some weird pains and also some twinges here and there... thats about it. and I am certainly liking my 3 month plan also... haha!! yes I am a real planner, and you are right guys just really really arent (well most guys anyway...mine included) I do want to jump on this IVF sooner rather than later though, because I know that there is a huge cut off at 42 (and I will be 41 in april) that once you are 42 most of the agency's around here really really want you to use Donor Eggs instead of your own.... naturally with Donor Eggs there is also like an 80% success rate to... but I already KNOW that my husband will ABSOUTELY NOT do Donor Eggs, that is just a NO way for him, I really dont even have to ask him... I already know what he will say... its like him having a child with someone else....yep thats what he will say... I know it. 

so you have that ovary pain again... hmmmm maybe you can call ya Dr back and tell them "hey the reason I came in anyway was because of this pain around the time I ovulate, and I know you said it was basically prob nothing and just a pulled muscle, but that you are getting it again this month, and perhaps ask them if you can go in next cycle if you get the pains at ovulation again, and maybe they can do the ultrasound exactly when you are having the pain" doesnt that make some sense...??? 

oh I never told you the best news on the injectables...my friend gave me a bunch... then I went on a few websites and found girls that sell their left over meds and I got a bunch real cheap... well not exactly cheap persa but at about 50% of what I would have paid at regular prices. Obviously that is not exactly legal but hey I got the drugs I needed. before I did all this, I asked the nurses at my Drs office if it was ok to use "donated meds from my friend who has been through this before" and they were ok with it... they just told me exactly what I needed and I was good to go. And they also told me that this month since I did not have an IUI "planned" in my cycle, that they were going to try to submit all my blood work and ultrasounds to my insurance company. So far I have not heard them denying any thing. So, so far all I had to pay to my Dr this cycle was a$250 management fee.... I guess this is for them to "manage my cycle..because I have to go in for blood work every day for a week, then the Dr has to evaulate my results daily so thats the fee" Having a fee like that is pretty standard from what I understand all the Drs offices do that for injectable cycles (from what I understand) so basically that $250 I spent then I did actually spend appx $1000 on meds... but that is enough to cover both this last cycle and possibly 2 more (I got extra :) ) so as long as my Dr is ok with me using "donated" meds then I really cut the cost down on the injections myself.... I feel like a GENIUS!!! 

ok so please tell me your hubby did not have to be suquesterd another night ? that really really bites... I am sure he is not too happy with it either huh?

oh GIRL!!! if I would have twins..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would feel so blessed and really really know that Jesus is hearing my prayers... I know that I have one shot at this, because there will be no time for me to have #2 and if I could have twins I would be soooooo EXCITED. Really dont think there is a chance this month though because I know I had one big follicle and 2 smaller ones... so my chance is actually that the 1 biggest one is the one that will produce the egg... always a slim chance that one of those smaller ones maybe caught up to be mature enough the day I triggered but thats doubtful ... maybe next month ? 

and yep it rally does look like we are only a few days apart huh? finally !! 

ok so hope you had a great week... I am being such a slacker lately getting on line I guess... but wanted to check in with you...hope you have a great weekend... hubby and I have dinner plans with another couple...looking foward to it.. they are good friends...and we are going to a nice restaurant...where they serve GREAT Crab bisque!! YUMMMY I have been thinking bout it ALLL day!!!


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## so_anxious

Yo Girlfriend, oops, sorry I thought you were actually going to the Superbowl, but I totally understand now that you used the royal We.
Have you ever reviewed the FF bbt chart gallery? I sometimes try to see if I can find other women who BD on the same days that I do and see how many of them get pregnant. Of course, every womans body is different so should I be comparing, well the answer is no, but I still do. :shrug:

Wow, so you forgot to temp huh? I can see that happening, its actually pretty good that you did, it means that youre not thinking about it a lot and probably stress free. I think thats probably better for you. As for me, Im getting a little stressed out, cause my temps are totally bizarre. One day its 98.15 and then the next day its 98.186. Thats been going on for the last 6 days. I started to do some research and they said that if you have flat temps then maybe your bbts battery is dead, but mine does fluctuate slightly and I usually check in the middle of the day and either its really high or really low. Not sure what to think? :shrug:

Ah man, I really dont think that my hubby is going to be comfortable enough to give a sample like 2 hours before I need it. Sheesh, this is going to be interesting if I need to do an IUI or IVF. I wonder if theres some kind of procedure where they can extract it from him. I know, yuck, but I really dont know if my hubby can do that on his own. Is your hubby ok with that? Ah man, I need to think this through now. :nope:

I totally didnt know that IVF had a cut off of 42, geez. So, do you think that if you have to do IVF, youd let them put 2 fertilized eggs in you? Also, if youre hubby agreed with the donor eggs would you do it? I guess its not any different than adopting right, it just that youll actually experience being pregnant and giving birth right?

As for my ovary pain, its gone now, it only lasted about 2 days, so Im happy with that. As of today, I had some bad cramps, which sucked ass, but Im hoping its a good sign. Who knows anymore? But if I do get those pains again next cycle, I will definitely take your advice and go to my doctor and get an ultrasound the same time Im having the pain. 

You are a GENIUS, youre also hilarious, but I would totally buy unused injectables. Especially if no one is using it and you can get it for much cheaper. What a brilliant idea! Hmm... The $250 management fee also sounds pretty reasonable. Sounds like you have a really good FS.
So, as of Tuesday night, my hubby hasnt been home, I havent seen him or talked to him. The court calls me everyday with messages that he sends me, like call my work, call my parents, pay the gas bill, etc... He also says, I love you and miss you terribly. Which is sweet, but Im really not very happy right now and I miss him big time. I hate this jury duty crap. Plus his stupid parents keep calling me to ask me if I heard anything and to invite me over for some nasty food. I keep telling them that I need to stay home just in case he calls or the court calls. Plus I add in that I have lots of work to do. I dont like the inlaws. :wacko:

TWINS man.... we should aim to have twins. What can we do to have twins? Any kind of natural way to make yourself have twins?? Wouldnt that be interesting if that were possible? :winkwink:

So, dont worry about not posting every day, I know were both busy with our personal lives, so I dont expect that from you at all. I hope your dinner plans were great and you had that crab bisque. I dont eat seafood at all, and luckily neither does my hubby so were compatible that way, but I can cook seafood for guests. I just never liked seafood since I was a child.

Ah well, I hope youre doing well and you know what I just thought of something. My hubby better get out of this jury crap before SuperBowl, cause hes going to lose it if hes still in there. I dont even know if he has television in there. Yikes :nope:


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey Monique... how bout that damn cold got me AGAIN!!! GEEZ!!! well at least it is not as bad as a few weeks ago... last time it actually hit me the same day AF came so with the cramping from AF and a cold on top.... I was ready to DIE... so its not as bad this time, but really knocks me on my butt.

anyway....Yes I have looked at FF charts once or twice to do some compares... thats pretty cool to see the girls that have gone on to get pregnant...it kinda makes me sad at the same time if that makes any sense.... like why cant my temps stay high after 12 DPO :( BUT ILL TELL YA WHAT!!! YOUR DARN TEMPS LOOK GREAT THIS MONTH!!! sooo high for quite a few days in a ROW.. THATS AWESOME!!!! thats really really promising Monique!!!

ok so IVF doesnt "technically" cut off at 42... but most FS will really really advise you to use Donor Eggs... it pretty much seems that they will advise you after 42 that you are wasting your $$ trying to get pregnant at the old old age of 42 with your own eggs and really want you to use Donors... I myself dont know if I would want to do donor eggs anyway.... and I know my hubby will defiantely NOT do them anyway. Another thing...From what I understand by reading some websites...some FS actually do turn .
away people that are at high risk of not getting pregnant... even if they want to spend their thousands of dollars trying they simply turn them away so that their published "odds" dont go down!! how unfair huh ? 

So good news your ovary pain has gone away... it hasnt come back has it ? how bout any other good symptoms ? feeling any activity ? I totally forgot if you mentioned this or not but are you going to test this month at all ? I think I am going to give in and test on Sunday Morning... that would be 14 days after I have given my self the triger shot and also 12 DPO. I decided for a few reason I am going to test on that day... 1st of all these progestrone suppositiories have a side effect of maybe delaying AF, so if I am not pregnant I want to stop taking them so that AF can come and I can start on my next cycle.... and also if I am not pregnant I want to be able to have a beer or two watching the Super Bowl on Sunday. This will be actually the first time I have taken a pregnancy test... im super excited and scared at the same time. Actually I did take them the two times I started Clomid but when I took them I had already started AF and just took them to make sure that it was AF and just not some type of bleeding and I was preganant, because I didnt want to start the Clomid and be pregnant because that would definately harm the pregnancy... obviously both times they were negative but... this will be the first time I actually took a test to see if I was really pregnant !! 

So is hubby out of jury yet!!! gosh I hope so for your sake... I would hate hate hate it if my hubby was away for so long.... and like you there is no way I would go visit the inlaws in his absense... WHY !! we only go because we HAVE to!! haha !!!


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## so_anxious

Renee, so I got sick on Monday too. I threw up at work at around 1:30pm. It was so embarrassing. I went to the printer to grab a document and then all of a sudden I felt nauseous. I turned around to the garbage and stuck my head in it and threw up. It was gross. I can hear people say what was that? Anyhow, after I threw up twice, I ran to the washroom which seemed so far away and then threw up a few more times. I kinda missed the toilet the first time, but got most of the rest of it. Yucky!! :sick:

Anyhow, I left work early and stayed home for like 2 days after that. I just felt like crap. So, I totally know what you mean. I think my hubby gave me whatever he had during jury duty. He told me he was sick since last Wednesday, throwing up and other stuff!! 

My temps are so freaking weird, I dont know what it means this month, but Im pretty sure Im not preggers. I totally feel like AF is coming this weekend and wont be gentle at all. I also changed the battery in my BBT, but as you notice, my temps still havent moved much. Whatever. I was suppose to test today, but I think Ill just wait and see if AF shows up, which Im sure she will. Blah!! Anyhow, I have to get my day 3 blood test, so that will be good. My hubby is now scared about the semen analysis. Hes like, is it ok if I come see your dr and ask her for a requisition cause Im embarrassed to ask my dr. I was like why? He said, cause Ive known him all my life, its too embarrassing. I almost laughed my pants off. What a joke! Anyhow, this is going to be very interesting. :nope:

You know I have a sneaky feeling my SIL whose going to be 42 this year, had IVF, but she hasnt said anything at all. I dont really care if she did, but not sure why they would hide that. Anyhow, she said that she wasnt going to have anymore, but now Im wondering if its because of the expense from her baby and the fact thats shes going to be 42 this year. Hmm. Hell, Im going to try to have a baby until I ovaries dry up. Im not going to let my age dictate when I should stop. Im actually surprised that an FS wouldnt just take your money and try to get your pregnant. I guess theres some code of ethics involved with that. 

So, my ovary pain comes and goes, not as severe as the first time I had them and its not very frequent either, so I guess thats a good thing. My symptoms are the same every freaking month, cramps, sore boobs, fatigue, headaches, etc This month, my left boob has been killing me more than my right. Im such a weirdo. Plus, Im constipated again, Im not sure why, Ive been eating really well. :shrug:

How about you? Any symptoms? Hey if youre going to test on Sunday, Ill test with you if AF hasnt shown up yet. Are you going to use an FRER? I think I have 1 at home. I agree with you though, you should definitely test and make sure youre not pregnant and then freaking enjoy your SuperBowl Sunday!! 

My hubby has decided to have a few friends over to watch the game, so I get to stay in the bedroom all night. Thats ok, I dont mind. If AF gets me, Ill be upset and will probably just lie in bed anyhow. Tee hee. :)

That reminds me I have to order some chicken wings for Sunday. 

So, my hubby finally got out of the jury on Sunday night. Holy smokes talk about a traumatic experience for him. He had to deliberate for 12 hours a day and in the evening they would eat together and then be sent to their room alone. The room didnt have a tv, clock, telephone, newspapers, nothing. It was like he was in jail and sometimes the court would call with a message from him and the court would edit it. So, all the stuff that he was trying to tell me, like the fact that he was sick since Wednesday, they cut it out of the message. How insane is that? Anyhow, he came home and cried. He was so upset cause he was lonely and missed me a lot. It was so sad. Did I ever tell you that hes previous girlfriend died of cancer? How sad is that!!!


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## so_anxious

Have you seen this:

https://community.babycenter.com/post/a10765005/preseed_ing_lawsuit?cpg=1&csi=2042208356&pd=-1


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## ttc1st_at_40

Monique.... I was just getting ready to say that the pucking may be a good sign...then I saw your ticker...I am sooooo sorry AF gotcha... and just like clock work she got me this AM.... gosh I have such horrible horrible cramping... and I have only been awake 1 hour... this is getting to SUCK !!! so ya maybe your little bug was actually from your hubby then huh? and that is sooooo odd they wouldnt even let him tell you he was sick while he was in there...man that had to be sooooo horrible on him, away from home no wife not tv no newspaper, and sick... gosh I feel sooooo sorry for him. And having to survive a GF that had cancer WOW, I dont even know what to say, my heart does go out to that man. 

Chances are you are probally right that your SIL prob had some type of fertility treatment, at that age (and mine) its pretty much a given unfortunately... the way I look at it to be honest. Your a little youger... you BITCH!! HAHA... just joking... so really I would be thinking the same way as you...yep she prob did have some type of treatments.

ok so looks like today is CD3 so are you going in for your CD3 tests then huh? wishing ya good luck on those and you have some good results. And ya know what your dr can just give you the prescription for your hubbys SA, mine did, shouldnt be any prob at all... dont want that little bugger getting embarassed hehe!!!

ok so as for me... I havent been on-line all weekend.... actually felt pretty good... I am getting burned out to be honest. I sit on a computer all day at work... and I even have to bring work home alot, so surfing the net for fun... is not really any fun since I have to look at a computer screen all day ya know !!! 

Any way... I did do a test yesterday morning... and obviously I wasted a test because as I said yep got AF today... Thats ok though... I guess... I am not going to let it bring me down too much... probally mostly because I know I have a plan going into this month... I am sure when I dont have a plan for the up coming month... all this TTC stuff is going to start bothering me REALLY REALLY bad. So hubby has definately agreed to IUI this cycle!! YAYAYAYAYAYA!! So I am actually excited to see what this month has in store for me..... I have to go in on CD3 and they do CD3 blood work....just like your getting but I also get an ultrasound... to see if I have any left over folicles from last cycle... they say there is always a chance there is a left over folicle that will turn into a cyst and they would want you to skip a month if they find one... apparently there is a chance even if we are not on fertility drugs...but that chance gets a lot higher when you are... So I am hoping they dont find any cysts so I dont have to skip a month... but I can tell ya what...the cramping I am getting right now... I am thinking I may because it is probally the worse AF cramping I have ever had. (oh please please please dont be a cyst !!!!)

and yep my whole City is also upset because we didnt win that darn Super Bowl :( soooooo sooooo sad!! We went out to a big party in down town Pittsburgh at a Casino big huge screen TVs tons of people... tons of food...tons of fun... and when we lost everyone just trickled out real quietly... super sad


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey I looked at that link.... it is a little confusing I thing... from what I thought... there was 2 "sperm friendly" lubes.. 1)Conceive Plus and 2) PreSeed...

and from this link are they referring to a whole different brand PreConceive that is actually not "Sperm Friendly" ?? I hope its not the Concieve Plus cause thats what I use... and I think you use the PreSeed right...


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## so_anxious

Yep, AF got me, but Im good. I went for my CD 3 tests yesterday and my dr will call me if theres any bad news, but I have to see her on Monday anyhow to get the FS referral, so this is all very exciting for me. I found a place very close to my work and it would be very convenient for my hubby too, so Im going to do some research and ask my dr about it. :winkwink:

Guess what, my SIL actually defended me this weekend. It was totally bizarre. I had to go over to my MIL, my hubby insisted. Anyhow, we were talking about something and all of a sudden the MIL said, so I guess youre not pregnant yet.huh And then she said it again and asked the SIL so, Kathryn, I guess shes not pregnant yet. Well, the SIL actually said Bev, I think we need to mind our business! I was shocked, but I thought about it again and realized that the stupid MIL had been harassing her for 6 six about having children and didnt realize that my SIL was having difficulty having kids. So, I think the SIL was annoyed with the MIL because it brought back memories of the harassment she had to endure. :nope:

To tell you the truth, I was more annoyed that my hubby didnt say something to his MIL. Like why would she say that to me. If I were pregnant, Id let her know. Obviously if I didnt say anything, then Im not pregnant. What a dork!!!:dohh:

So, my hubby had a personal conversation with his dr yesterday and got a requisition for the SA. Yippee!! Now the question is when will he do this cause he said he doesnt want me anywhere around him when hes doing it. I may even have to leave the condo, not sure where Id go. Well, maybe he can do it during the week while Im at work and drop it off himself. I dont know, Ill have to have a discussion with him on this. 

Its good that you get a rest from being online over the weekend. I wish my hubby would get a clue. Hes the same, he works all day on the computer and then he comes home and goes on the computer, and then on the weekend hes on the computer. When is he not on the computer??? But he does have his own web design company too, so he makes extra cash so we can buy a big house next year!! 

Well, I hope to God that you dont have a cyst. I would hate to have to wait another month to do the IUI. And how about your hubby!!! Im so thrilled that hes agreed to do the IUI. I truly think that will help you big time. Let me know what happens with the ultrasound. I hope those cramps are nothing. When I was a teenager, I use to get the worse cramps ever, I even use to throw up cause it hurt so much. Im not sure what was up with that, but Im glad I dont have the same intense cramps. 

Sorry, about your team not winning. I watched the half time thingy and it was kinda boring too. I wasnt too impressed with the Black Eyed Peas. I like their songs, but the show was just blah. I was expecting more. Ah well. Maybe next year!!! :shrug:


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## so_anxious

BTW, I have a coworker that's 30 years old and she's going to try to have a baby in March and if she gets preggers before me, I'm going to slap the hell out of her. 

It's hiliarious cause I may be younger than you, but I feel the same way about 30 year olds too!!! Those bitches!!! :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

first of all I have to apologize for not being on here more... I have really had to stop being on-line so much it was starting to drive me crazy and drive my hubby crazy tooooooo....I have been working such long days and hubby keeps complaining that all I do is come home and get on the computer... But I dont want you to think I forgot about you I really dont..

that is sOOOOO awesome you will have your FS right close to you... I am sooooo jealous as mind is 50 mins away so round trip it is close to 2 hours drive ugggg!!! that realy really bites.... especially when I am doing these injections and have to go in every day for over a week for tests... bites big time

Thanks awesome you finally got "back up" by your SIL... about damn time huh!! haha!! and Ill tell ya what... boys with their Moms... think they can do or say NO wrong!!! I get the same thing... my MIL says some of the most off the wall negative crazy things and my hubby doesnt "blink and eye" thank god she has not asked anything about us having kids... to be honest I think she thinks I am too old and thinks we arent even going to try. She is old school and had all her kids in her 20s and I am sure she thinks it would be crazy to have a child in your 40s... 

Wanted to ask.. how are your parents doing... any of those job interviews work out for your Dad ? 

good hubby got that SA form ....ya ya... my hubby too didnt want me anywhere around him either haha!! but he was a little trooper did the deed and dropped it off at the lab...didnt take that much convincing either, that was a shocker.

so good luck with your appt on Monday....wondering if your Dr will discuss your CD3 tests with you.

As for me, my ultra sound went good, no left over follicales from last month... so nope no cycst... But Monique I did get some really really bad news... my FSH was really really high... highest yet it was a 17.4 which is really bad. I really dont get it, in June it was 8 which is considered average, then it went to 11.4 in October which is why I jumped at going to the FS cause that is getting to be borderline high...and the 3 months Ive been at the FS it then went to 15 then 15.4 now this month 17!!!! thats awful. when the nurse called me back she was really not to emphatic at all. I wanted to crawl through the phone and PUNCH HER!! all I said was OH NOOO how did it get so high so fast... and she said in a really mean negative voice... "UMMMM Renee Your over 40 what do you expect!!!" She also said the Dr does not like to "cycle" people with this high of and FSH, and this would be my last month with them. I am crushed. I dont know if I have a chance now Monique... I really just cant process the idea of not having kids at all I really cant!!! Oh she also did go on to say that she "has never seen anyone get pregnant with that high of an FSH" so I asked what do you mean that I should just give up and resign to the fact that I wont have kids, and she said really snippy... "WELLLL theres always miracles" honestly she is SOOOO FULL OF BULL SHIT... all over the web there are women who get pregnant with way high FSH values...Sure I get it having a high FSH is not a good sign...but it is also not the "end all be all" and she could have at least had a nicer tone with me. So I told her I did still want to cycle this month, since I have all these meds and she said well OK but this will be the last, I said we well still wanted to try the Post Colital test, and she said "oh theres no reason for that" and I was like ummmmm OK, so we will just plan for an IUI then .... she was like... "well if you want to pay for it.. but I dont think it will work!!! " I get it these people went to Medical school etc... but If I STILL HAVE OVARIES AND AM OVULATING!! that means that I do not have a ZERO percent chance... I am going to just keep trying and trying... and exhaust all my resources to try to have a child. I honestly cant wait to get away from this Dr, or should I say his nurse (who is also his wife!!!!! GOOD GREIF) ANYWAY... I have an appointment next week at another FS that does IVF and had made that appointment to just get a consult to try to see prices and procedures etc... but that is going to be very expensive and I already do know that they are going to strongly suggest me to use Donor Eggs, and I just really dont think my hubby will ever do that at all. I am also hoping that this next FS doesnt put a big degree of consideration to FSH, because they very well could tell me the same thing that having high FSH IS NOT GOOD...BUT to be honest... I AM CERTAIN... they would do it a more tactful way than this last BITCH!!! 

Again I know that having high FSH means 2 things 1 that your probally a bad responder to fertility meds... but I think from what I have seen on so far, that I seem to respond pretty good... but maybe in the Medical world I should be responding better who knows? also it means that of the follicles I am producing there is a "chance" that they are not quality. So with knowing that already... I am guessing any FS is going to tell me my odds are slim, but I am hoping this next FS will actually take the time to talk to me and tell me about IVF and my chances and options. 

I am trying not to let it bring me down, I talked to my friend in Boston (whos gone through a ton of fertility crap) and she made me feel better telling me "you WILL have a child , there is no doubt in my mind... your options are not exhausted... you can try a bunch of different drs and SOMEONE will work with you even if your FSH is high, even if you have to go out of state. there are so many different fertility med protocols they can try with you that your FSH is high, and will let me do IVFs if I have the money to spend and if that still doesnt work you still have options you can still have a child ...you may just have to do Donor Eggs, which gives you a 60-80% of sucess rate.. so dont ever let me hear you say you wont have a child...because you WILL !!! " SO that was the conversation I had with her... it did in deed make me feel better, obviously I dont have a money tree in the back yard... but to tell you the truth I would take $100 worth of loans out to try anything medically to help me have a child. I just really know that in the end if I dont have a child I truely will not feel like I have lived a fulfilled live. And that is the honest truth. I need my hubby to understand this, I get it if he doesnt feel the same way, and he would except the fact that perhaps we wont have kids... but I dont know if he will ever understand that I WILL NEVER EXCEPT THE FACT. NEVER. so I am hoping he lets me do what ever we have to do to get what ever funding we need to try... 

I am sorry if I have brought you down or anything sharing this very sad news of mine...and I know I just have to try to stay positive BUT it is really really really hard. Perhaps there is a light at the end of this HIGH FSH tunnel!! Oh man Monique...Gosh I hope so. I am so anxiously awaiting my DR visit with this new FS next Thursday... !!! 

oh p.s. Happy Valentines Day... hubby and I are going out to Dinner tonight... then on Monday I will make him a nice dinner at home..


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## so_anxious

Please dont apologize, Renee, I always tell my hubby to get off the computer during the weekends and weeknights. I want him to spend more time with me, so I totally know what you mean. I usually get to work just before 7am, so thats when I try to post, but if I dont post at that time, Id never find time. So, its totally understandable. Okie dokie :winkwink:

Ok, so what the hell is up with your FS or the nurse, I should say. I cant believe how freaking rude and obnoxious she is. Like she needs to go back to some sensitivity training or something. I mean all the women that have to see a FS are going through a very stressful and emotional time in their lives. The last thing they need is to feel horrible and useless by some stupid nurse. 
Listen Renee, I totally agree with your friend. You will have a child, it may take some time, but its going to happen. I have a friend as well, whose been trying since she was 35 and now shes 38 and still no children. But shes only done 2 IVFs so far and she doesnt really care for her FS. She found another FS that has a higher probability rate for unexplained fertility, which is what she has. Shes planning on going to this new FS and trying again. Shes very determined to have a child and I believe she will. 

Did you tell your hubby what this nurse said? If so, what was his reaction? I really think the next step for you is IVF and I seriously think you need to go to that other FS and get a second opinion. What a bitch!!! Maybe your hubby just needs some time to understand how tormented you are about this. It's such a horrible feeling to have your mind set on something and not be able to get it. I know for sure that I wouldnt be satisfied without children either. Its just something that us women really need to have in our lives. No man would ever understand that. None!!!

From my research on the internet, there are tons of women with a high FSH, like 18 and had IVF and it was successful. Im really shocked that they wont even try to do the IVF. I wish I was close by so I could give you a huge hug, also Id kick that bitches ass all over the place for making you feel like crap. :nope:

Well, Im going to my dr tomorrow to get the test results from my day 3 blood test. I will also get a referral for a FS. Im going to ask her if I can go to the one thats close to my work. I also have seen the fees online and it looks pretty reasonable. Oh and another good thing is that I checked with my insurance company and fertility drugs are covered even injectables, so that will be a huge relief for me if I have to go that route cause Id like to keep my savings so that I can buy a house next year. 

Anyhow, my sweet, you can vent to me whenever you like, I think youre being a really strong woman through all of this and Im always here to listen to you and try to support you. I wont tell you to relax or be stress free and not to think about this. I hate it when people tell me that. Have you thought about accupunture? Im not into all that kind of stuff, but my friend told me that it helps a lot with fertility issues. I just might try it sometime. Not sure though!!:wacko:

Did you do anything for Valentines day? My hubby took me out to a fancy dinner and tomorrow were going to see a movie. I hope you had an enjoyable weekend. :)

Oh yeah, also my parents still arent working but theyve been on a few more interviews. Im hoping something happens soon. Like Ive said before, I think this year will be a terrific year for both of us. We will both get pregnant this year and we will both be very happy!!! 
:hugs:

I'm going to say a prayer for you.


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## ttc1st_at_40

ok Monique!! what were your CD3 test results... gosh I hope they are good (unlike mine have seemed to be) but even though mine have been coming in progressively bad... I am still not giving up I really am not!! Hopefully you got the referral to see the FS right close to you... if so when is it for ? next month? or do you have to call yourself? And DAMN you lucky girl... getting those injectables covered is REAL nice, as those darn things are SOOOO expensive!!!!

Hope your Valentines Days was great... we went out to dinner on Friday then I made dinner at home on Monday.... and we exchanged gifts&#8230; I bought him a movie and some cologne, he got me roses (of course) candy and a gift certificate to my nail salon!!! I just really really am SOOO much in love with my husband that I actually LOVE Valentines Day... I know a lot of people dont care for the holiday... but I love it !! and I hope I always feel that way. :) 

so I just checked your chart&#8230;..so your still on highs on the CBFM ? are ya bding yet though? I kinda miss my CBFM haha !! but really there is no reason at all to use it while doing these injectables, as these drugs are what are really controlling my hormones so it would just be a waste of sticks. 

So yes I officially hate that damn nurse... bottom line is... is she is just negative and rude. I made an appointment with the Dr and spoke to him yesterday I told him the reason I made the appointment was to &#8220;discuss my last cycle and going forward with him and that his "nurse/wife" actually told me that there was no chance that I can conceive this month with such a high FSH and that I shouldn&#8217;t cycle with them at all, and if so this would be the last month they would see me and that I should immediately just go for an IVF else where but would have to do Donor Eggs not my own eggs&#8221; He shook his head and said... well me and my wife do not agree on all things. I would never tell you that you had a zero % chance to get pregnant. Also as for us cycling you here, I look at the big picture, and I see that yes your FSH is at its highest this month, and that certainly is not good, but you do appear to be responding well to the fertility drugs so far, so most certainly we would continue to cycle you this month. BUT we will take it one month at a time. I will be honest with you and tell you with your age and that FSH value, clinically your chances are low trying on &#8220;your own&#8221; . But they are not ZERO. And when cycling with injectable meds and if you continue to respond well to them, then doing either IUI or timed intercourse with those then&#8230; your chances increase a little and since we know that your chances are increasing and if you still want to cycle than I would not turn you away. BUT Come next month lets hope your FSH does not continue to rise, ultimately we would love to see it lower, but if it is High or the same, sure we would cycle you again (depending if you continue to respond well to the drugs this month) but if it is HIGHER then I will be honest with you and tell you that indeed your chances are getting even slimmer and I would recommend you to go to IVF (with another dr as he doesnt do them) so depending on how this cycle goes and what your FSH is next month, we will take it one month at a time." MUCH BETTER EXPLANATION THAT YOUR DAMN WIFE DOC!!!! 

so needless to say he made me FEEL a whole hell of a lot better. I do know that with the high FSH that is not a good sign, means my Ovarian reserve is dwindling... I totally get that... but that damn nurse had no right to be so RUDE and negative to me, SHE is not the DOCTOR, and from here on out I am not going to listen to anything she has to say, I will go in, let her do the blood draws but will listen to NOTHING she has to offer as of advise. I do recall my very first appointment with the office and before the dr even looked at me or ran any tests,she said "honey at your age I wouldn&#8217;t mess around with any of this I would go straight to IVF" and I was like WOW... sure of course if I was made of money and my husband agreed to it and if it was my LAST resort then I wouldn&#8217;t have come HERE at all I would have went straight to a FS that does IVFs instead of coming here&#8230; then I came home very down thinking gosh this is my first appointment with a FS and they are telling me go straight to IVF. Of course by now I know that she is just a "debbie downer" and from here on out I will not listen to her. Of course again I know that my values are not great and my age is a huge factors so clinically my chances are low, but they are not ZERO so I will try everything I can.

ok so today was my mid cycle ultra sound... to see how many follicles I have and also to check my lining. They will call me later this after noon with the results. I am hoping for a nice thick lining and also a few follicles of some decent size... so cross your fingers for me... I am really afraid if I do not get good results that would ultimately mean that perhaps this month I did not respond well to the drugs&#8230;. THEN as the Dr said he very well may tell me next month if my FSH is still high that perhaps I should not cycle next month. I have a feeling I could talk him into it though :) &#8230;.hey cause like he said cycling with these meds are better than doing natural right now for me&#8230; and I will not let one month go by with better odds if I can help it.

And my visit with the new FS is tomorrow!! yeah&#8230; just to go for a consult on IVF etc&#8230; As I understand that when you want an IVF it takes a month or so to get all the testing prepping etc. So the way I looked at it, I will make the visit, get in to see the Dr&#8217;s see what they have to say see the prices and dates etc&#8230; (again hoping they don&#8217;t really frown upon that damn high FSH) so when/if hubby gives the green light&#8230; I already have a place lined up and have prices etc. Oh and PS&#8230; best news yet.. had a long talk with Hubby on all of this, and what the last Dr said, and how my values seem to be decreasing every month. And he said although I said I did NOT want to do this IVF, I will do it now, as I know it may be our only chance !!! ya ya ya ya !! now all we have to do is hit the lottery !!! haha !!

So now here is my 3 month plan&#8230; do an IUI this month, if no baby do 1 more IUI with this existing Dr (and mean nurse) then if we are still not preggers go to IVF in May at a new Dr&#8217;s place&#8230;.and if we are still not preggers I have already laid the ground work for perhaps a Donor Egg, hubby was like ummmm No I don&#8217;t want to have a child with someone elses DNA&#8230; but I think with enough time and persuasion I just &#8220;may&#8221; be able to convince him if it is our last ditch effort at a child. The way I figured it, he was against IUI and also against IVF&#8230; but he has so far given in to both with in a matter of 1 month&#8230;so lets just hope we don&#8217;t have to go there (donor egg) but if we have to I think I may be able to convince him. As I know we can only afford maybe 1 IVF, and if that doesn&#8217;t work then I will have to do some major convincing on spending more $$ and also the specifics behind donors&#8230; yikes that scares me&#8230; but Monique I so want a child. OBVIOUSLY I want OUR child, but for some reason if my eggs really are that bad, we don&#8217;t have tons of cash to do numerous IVFs that we would have to just do 1 and then have to do Donor Eggs or just give up&#8230; I am not prepared to do that just yet!!


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## so_anxious

So, my dear Renee, yes, I did get my CD 3 test results and they are as follows:

TSH = 1.69 mIU/L
LH = 4 IU/L
FSH = 6 IU/L
Prolactin = 9 ug/L
Estradiol = 90 pmol/L

So, my doctor says that these are optimal results and I have nothing to worry about. I was looking online to check out the average and almost freaked out about my estradiol. I noticed that the range should be less than 80 pg/L, so when I convert my 90 pmol/L to pg/L it's 66. So, I feel better now. :happydance:

I also did get a referral to the FS close to me and my dr sent the referral to the clinic that same day. So, apparently, Im suppose to wait 1 week and if the clinic hasnt called me yet, then I have to call them to see if they got the referral. Then I guess I book an appointment with them. Not sure how it works in the US, but here there are waiting lists for most FS. Not sure if Ill have to wait a month or two to see them, but I dont mind. Im hoping I get knocked up before I even get to the appointment. :)

The hubby has to wait till March 4th to do his SA since the lab only does them on M-F from 12:30pm to 1pm. Talk about pressure for the hubby to perform. Anyhow, thats probably the same day I may get AF, so hes praying to every God hes heard about that I get preggers this cycle. Hes hilarious. :haha:

Wow, it sounds like you had a really nice weekend with the hubby and you got some nice gifts. My hubby took me to dinner at a fancy place on Saturday night, where we actually had our Wedding Rehearsal dinner. Everyone in the restaurant was dressed up to really nicely. And then we all went to dinner and movie again on Monday. My hubby bought me some God-ugly Ralph Lauren slippers. It was such a thoughtful gift cause I really need some slippers, but these were just so ugly. Anyhow, I had actually sent him a gift basket at his workplace on Monday and guess what I added to the gift. I totally wanted to embarrass him so I sent him a balloon to that read Red Hot Lover. It was so freaking funny I love it. Anyhow, I love Valentines day too cause my hubby tries to make it extra special for us. Not that every day isnt special, but its just extra special now. 

As for my chart, yep, Im still on highs with my CBFM. Weve been bding since Saturday. But 2 days on and 1 day off is our schedule. So, were hoping that catches the egg. I can see why you dont need to use the CBFM, I mean if the injectables directly your cycle, then there really isnt any need to use the CBFM. Can you BD anytime you want or do you have to wait for the LH surge?

So, I had thought that nurses were suppose to have a really nice bedside manner. What the hell is that about? Anyhow, Im so freaking happy that the dr was nicer and explained the situation better. I totally agree with him, it has to be a month by month basis and that nurse being negative doesnt help with your stress level. So, tell hell with her. Damn idiot!! What a weirdo? :nope:

Dont ever listen to anything she has to say to you. Im sure shell try to make you miserable the next time youre there. Just ignore her if you can. I was thinking that you should tell her to fly a kite but knowing her she may inject you with something or screw you over somehow. She sounds vindictive. She is totally a debbie downer and who wants to hang out with someone like that. Gosh, I feel sorry for her husband 

I agree with you about going ahead with next cycle even if your results are bad. I do think that the drugs are helping you in some way and are still better than the natural way. So, if you can convince the dr, I say do it. 

OMG, Im totally excited for you and the hubby finally agreed to do the IVF. I knew he was going to do it anyhow. All you need to do is show your puppy dog eyes and hell just melt. Tee hee That means that by June you should be knocked up, well, thats according to my calculations. Mwah ha ha ha. :winkwink:

Your plan sounds good. Yo u know, I still think that doing the donor egg is still cheaper and better than adopting. Heres my logic: first of all even though it may not be your egg, it still has some of your DNA and obviously your hubbys DNA. Secondly, youll have the experience of having the baby inside you for nine months. Thirdly, youll be able to raise the child from birth. You can never do these things if the baby is adopted. Fourth, it costs so much less to use a donor egg than it costs to adopt. So, thats my logic, Im sure youve had the same thoughts, so I would use that on your hubby when youre lobbying for the donor eggs. Tee hee. :)

I have to tell you, if I ever get to that, Id use donor eggs too, but I definitely wouldnt tell certain people, like my MIL. For donor eggs will you be able to choose an egg from a mother that looks like you. Is that even possible? 

My sweet Renee, I am praying for us to get pregnant this year and for it to happen sooner rather than later. I want a child so badly too. I also just want to know if I can even get pregnant. 

Please let me know how your tests went.


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## ttc1st_at_40

MONIQUE!!! THOSE VALUES ARE FANTASTIC!!! YOU lucky lucky lucky girl!! such awesome news for you, if you dont know that all ready then YEP you are on to a great start and for sure a BFP!! I am positive of it!!! and awesome your getting to see the one close to you!! great news... as for here in the US not much of a wait at all really to get in to see a FS, just depends on the the popularity of the FS and also depending on your insurance actually most of us in US, can go just to straight to a FS dont need a referal at all. 

As for your hubbys strick 30 min window for the SA, wow that is really really strange, may be worth a try to call around or ask your FS when you speak if there is other places he could perhaps go to get this done? I know here, they can be done at labs, or hospitals and drs offices also take them. That 30 min window sounds WICKED for poor guys... geeze

gosh you got 2 date nights for V-Day... sounds like you are the "Red Hot Lover" haha!!! let me just tell you ... now that CRACKED ME UP !! HAHA!! THATS Great!!!! as for the poo-poo slippers.... at least it isnt something you have to wear out of the house huh !! haha! 

just checked your chart... and looks like you are in PEAK time!! perfect... do you not LOVE when your peak days fall on the Weekend?!?!?! So much more relaxed to BD anytime you want instead of weekdays and having to work etc.. awesome timing this month!!! yeah !!!

so yes I cant stand that nurse, and shes not only negative and rude shes really has no idea what she is talking about... and now it appears she is kissing my butt each day I come in... oh gosh hows the weather out today, hows your work week going... GAG!!! 

As for the Donor route... yes most certainly you can pick everything about your donor, eyes, hair, skin tone, religion, talents,ETC ETC ETC the list goes on and on for some places. all places show you baby pictures of the donor, some show recent photos and some even videos!! so yes there is an opportunity to really pick exactly all the traits you want. oh and 100% agree with you. I WOULD NOT TELL MY INLAWS EVER!!!!! I am hoping we never tell them anything at all about anything we are going throught, I dont think Hubby has mentioned anything at all, and I have no intention on it either... GAG!!!

As for me this cycle... looks like Dr thinks I am responding pretty well to the meds... I will take a trigger shot tomorrow night, then Tuesday we go in for an IUI !!! I am sooooo excited...!! jumping out of my skin actually!! they say that because of my age/fsh etc.. that my chance on my own is 5% and with an IUI it raises my chances up 8% so I guess that means I have a %13 chance of it working...not ideal.... BUT hey I will take it ya know ? So yep super exicted for this month.

As for the IVF FS visit... not really good news there. dont know if I picked another bad FS but they also place alot of wait on that high FSH value I had... long story short she recommended me to go straight to IVF with Donor Eggs... her take on it is... she will let me do an IVF but said it is $12k and does not increase my chances much than trying on my own... I was heart broken to be honest. She said their Donor Eggs their sucess rate is %60. (on and costs $20K) so she would like to direct me in that route. Obviously she didnt take me totally by surprise, as I had a good idea that is the route everyone will prob suggest at this point. But she said that maybe if we arent exactely ready to go to donor yet. that we should do a few IUIs then if that doesnt work go to Donor IVF. I told her that even with a slim chance at using my own eggs that for piece of mind dispite the cost I would HAVE to really try with my own first, as I would not feel right going straight to Donor Eggs even if my husband agrees to it, which he has not. Oh and if I do go to IVF with my own eggs, I am not going to use this clinic as she told me they only had 5 women over 40 do IVF with them and not one was sucessful... so DAHHH I am not using them NOPE!!.. Unfortunately it appears that there is not one good IVF clinic in Pittsburgh, so if I am going to do this IVF it will prob be out of state and I am already looking into one clinic in NY. Only a 7 hour drive from my house, and I am planning on getting a phone consult with them. It is CHR in NY. They have GREAT sucess rate with Women over 40 like 28 % ISNT that fantastic !!! here is their website...https://www.centerforhumanreprod.com/index.php I can do all my monitoring and blood work at home then drive to NY for them to do an Egg Retrevial and then 3-5 days later for them to transfer the embroys back to me. 

so I just have to be patient for this month, and do my research for going foward with IVF, and somewhere along the line perhaps I can find that bucket of Gold on St Pattys day to be able to afford all this !!! haha !!! 

Well I hope you have a great weekend and are "getting busy" this weekend ;)

oh almost forgot to mention.. for the IUI on Tuesday... Hubby doesnt have to go into the office, he can "produce" his sample at home and I can drive it up!!! ISNT THAT FANTASTIC!! OH he is so relieved... He isnt really happy about the whole thing anyway... but WAY relieved he doesnt have to go into the office to do it!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee, yeah the values are good, but I am a little scared though. I dont want to be in a situation where I have that unexplained fertility problem. One of my closest friends has that issue and shes been through the whole process already with the IUIs and 3 failed IVFs and they still cant tell her why shes infertile. Well, I guess I should stay positive. Anyhow, I have an appointment with the FS on March 10th, so the hubby and I are going together and Im apparently suppose to have an ultrasound as well. Im not entirely sure why, but the faster they can get me knocked up, the better!! &#61514; I didnt realize in the US you didnt need a referral. Over here in Canada you need a referral for any specialist, but I think sometimes it would be better if I didnt have to get a referral especially for a service that I have to pay out of pocket for. 

Yeah, my hubby wasnt too happy about the 30 min window for the SA, but Ive called several places around and theres not may places that do it that are in the area and that we can get to within the hour. I guess thats why FS clinics do it for you. Anyhow, I told him that he can wait till we get to the FS to do his SA, cause at least hell get a more detailed test there. 

Yeah, I got my peak on the weekend, but we were only able to do it once. My hubbys too tired to do it anymore, weve been doing it all through the week. I really need to find a routine that works for him. Its driving me crazy. Anyhow, We did it about 5 times around the 7 fertile days, so well see if that works. If not, I dont think Ill be too upset, since Ill be see the FS. 

Ok, so whats up with that nurse. Her hubby must have told her that she needs to have better bed side manners. I mean, if they start getting bad reviews from angry patients then how will their business survive. What a bitch!!

I had no flipping idea that you can pick everything when it comes to donor eggs. Thats totally cool. Ah man, imagine if you told your inlaws. They would totally use that against you. It would be horrific. I have to visit my inlaws this weekend and Im totally dreading it. Theres going to be lots of babies too, which will be fun to play with but depressing at the same time. Blah!

So, Im writing this post on Tuesday, which means that your getting your IUI today. You have to tell me all about it. You know if or when I start doing the IUIs, Im going to be totally excited too. I always want to know each cycle if my eggs are being fertilized and theyre just not implanting or is the sperm even getting to the eggs. Im really concerned about my CM and think that may be the problem with us but really who knows.

I checked out that fertility site and it kicks ass. So, whats the next step if this cycle doesnt work? (But it will!!) Are you going to do anymore IUIs first before you do the IVF in New York with your own egg? I agree with you, go to a clinic that has a better success rate and Im sure the places in New York are better. Would you be going to do this on your own or will the hubby go with you? 

Oh, I know these costs are insane. I hate the fact that it costs so much to pregnant, when these little snotty teenage girls can just look at a guy and get pregnant. Its so annoying. 

So, I hope your IUI goes well today and Im glad that your hubby can stay home and produce the goods. Im hoping my hubby can do the same cause its going to be torture trying to get him to produce the goods and then get ready to drop it off. Hes such a slow poke when it comes to getting ready.


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hi there my friend...

I see your way of thinking on the "ok my numbers are good but perhaps unexplained infertility"...... but take it from me girl....I would rather I knew my numbers were low, as to not make me feel a little hopeless. Not sure if that helps ya at all... but I think with the numbers you have and now a FS appt you are well on your way to a big FAT bfp!!! 

Yes you are right, I am super excited about the IUI this month, as you say... at least I KNOW that we got those guys up there exactly where they need to be. And also that the timing was exactly right since I used that trigger shot to make sure I ovulated. So Monique this is going to be the LONGEST TWW ever!!! 


The IUI was seriously SOOOO simple, seriously all she did was put that little clamp in there, open me up... 2 seconds (literally) later, I felt nothing and she said ok your done!! oh and get this shit!!! it was the NURSE I hate that did the damn IUI.... Not even the nurse... All I kept thinking is I should try to "toot" on her!! haha!! woulnt that have been funny!! hehe!! ok a little gross but hey she deserves it!!!!!

Yes how bout that clinic in NY... they are a 7 hour drive, and they are "saying" their stats are 29% success for women in their 40s. Now that is UNHEARD OF!!!! I am still trying to figure out by checking other blogs if they are "legit" and not exagerrating their numbers. They have a link on their site that you can send an email and a physician will review your case and email you back. I did that but havent heard anything yet. I did call up and their consult fee (either 1st office visit or phone consult) is $450. I am hoping I get a response to my email. As I would hate to pay $450 only for them to tell me "ya we can take you" or "the wait to cycle with us is 8 months" so I am hoping to hear back from them. "

oh and listen to this... ok so the day of the IUI... we had a MAJOR snow storm and got 10 inches of snow over night. Hubby did his thing and normal driving time for me to get it to the clinic is 35-37 minutes. Well the roads were so bad I almost wrecked a zillion times and there were accidents EVERYWHERE and it took me 1 1/2 hours to get there. I was a NERVOUS wreck thinking the specimen would be bad and I was going to die on the way. But I stuck the little cup in my jacket to keep it "body temperature" and it appears that his little guys survived the trip haha!! 

ok so yep in my TWW this is really really gonna be the worst one EVER!!! Oh and look!! we are only 2 days apart now !! haha I am 2dpo and you are 4dpo.... ok MONIQUE THIS IS OUR MONTH OK!!!


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## so_anxious

Dude, your temp is super high already its looking good!! &#61514; I know this TWW is going to take forever, but Im actually more excited to see the specialist and see what kind of plan they have for me. 

I know, Im being a little silly about the unexplained fertility. Sometimes, I can be a total pessimist. I should really be thankful that my values are good. Sorry to be a downer!! :wacko:

So, were definitely not far apart with our DPO, are we? Are you going to test? Im suppose to get AF next Saturday, which is the day of my nephews birthday party so hopefully if AF does show up she doesnt show her ugly face during the party. Im taking half a day off on Friday to make my nephew a birthday cake. Hes so excited, hes only 5 and he keeps asking me Yiyi (thats Aunt in Chinese), are you going to make me a Wolverine cake. He loves Wolverine from the X-Men. So, Ive bought all the stuff to make and decorate the cake. Im not a professional at all, but I like to try to make it look pretty like Cake Boss. 

So, have you found any info on the clinic in NY? I hope that physician emails you back, cause that would totally be a waste of time to go all the way there and you have to wait forever. If they dont email you back, perhaps you can call them??? Do you always have to pay a consult fee? My hubby was asking me last night if the FS is free. I started to laugh uncontrollably. Im like, hello, have you not listened to anything Ive been saying. We have money saved for this already. I swear sometimes I think he concentrates more on his video games. Then he was like oh yeah. What a weirdo!! :wacko:

So, I was reading about your IUI experience with that damn nurse and as I started to read it, I thought to myself, man, Renee should fart in her face. And then I read the line where you said that you should toot in her face and I almost died of laughter again. My hubby was asking me what was so funny and I told him that if you and me were living closer, wed be the best of friends cause you have the same sense of humour that I do. That was to freaking funny! :haha:

Anyhow, Im glad that your hubbys spermies made the trip to the clinic and Im really glad that you werent injured in your drive in the snowy weather. My doctor had told me to keep the sperm under your armpit to keep them alive. I guess it works!! :winkwink:

So, I swear to all things that are holy, we need to get our BFPs this bloody cycle!!!! Yippee!! :happydance:


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey there girlfriend... 

Wow how fun your a "Cake Boss" how nice of you to make a Wolverine cake for your nephew... you are soooo sweet... AND girl I would not know the first place to begin all that !! baking is not my "gig" thats for sure... but I can confess I sure like to eat it though !! hahaha ok so AF for you is due on this day of the party..damn I sure hope she doesnt decide to show up and ruin EVERYTHING.... SOOOO are you going to test before that ? as for me AF is due next Monday... and I think I will test on Monday as they want me to go for a blood pregnancy test on Tuesday... and if I get a negative on Monday I wont go for the blood test unless AF doesnt show for a couple days then I will go to for the Blood work... I am all about not setting my self up for disappointment.

oh and I am happy we have the same sence of humor so you "Get" me... haha!!


as expected this is the hardest TWW ever!!!! gosh when will it end... just constantly I am smpytom spotting like you wouldnt believe.. I am actually getting on my own nerves!! haha

oh let me say this ONCE AGAIN... I HATE FF... Today when I put my temp in, it changed my Ovulation date to like last thrsday instead of tuesday....UMMM DAHHHH I know exactly when I ovulated because I took a trigger shot. So maybe I shouldnt say I hate FF, I can just say I have weird temps.... yep they are really extremly high this cycle so far huh? hoping that is a good sign. and let me just tell you...ok my boobs usually start to hurt like a week before AF comes... but let me tell ya what... these babies started hurting like 2DPO which is soooooo odd for me... hopefully another good sign. I still dont actually get the concept of actually "why" womens breasts start to hurt? is it an abundance of a certain hormone that causes it I wonder.

ok so for the NY Clinic... well I researched it more and more and it sounds almost too good to be true to be honest. I am not saying I dont believe them at all but it seems to risky for now. SOOOO I found another clinic in Philadelphia. (now NY one is a 7 hour drive from me and Philadelphia is 6...so not major difference on transportation) BUT I liked this Philly FS and have made an appointment for March 25th. His name is Dr Check and Cooper Institute. ccivf.com and he is apparently one of the few clinics around that take on high FSH clinics and women in the 40s. Also his IVF rates arent that bad. Regular IVF $6500. So I talked to hubby... researched my butt off and so this is the one I am going to go to... made an appointment and booked a flight for a month from now. I am kinda excited... actually really excited. BUT you know what would make me even more excited?? that I have to cancel that appointment because I get preggers this month!!! OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Hows it going? I feel like crap today. So freaking tired and theres nobody here at work either. I wish I could just go home and sleep but my boss isnt in today cause hes sick so Im in charge. Blah!! Also, we have this new guy that started in December and I hate him. Hes one of those people that thinks they know everything. Plus hes always talking. I usually just grunt at him when he asks me a question. Im not usually like that, but I dont like him at all. Tee hee!! :)

Anyhow, whats shakin? My hubby has designed the Wolverine cake for me and now all I have to do is make it. Hopefully it comes out nice. Like I said, Im an amateur but I love to do it. Ill take a picture of it and then send it to you. Okie dokie. :winkwink:

As for AF arriving at the party, that wouldnt surprise me, she has a way of annoying me so Ill just go prepared. Ive decided to wait and see what my temp tells me before I test. My temps usually start dropping close to AF, so well see what happens. I may test on Saturday morning, it depends. I agree with you to test yourself on Monday and dont go in unless AF doesnt show up. Sounds pretty logical to me!! 

So, tell me what kind of symptoms youre having. Guess what, I got that damn right ovary pain again. I cant wait to see the FS and they start monitoring my cycles. That way, when I get the pain I can just pop in and they can see what the hell is going on with me. Its not the worse pain or really that painful at all, its more of an annoying pain. You know what I mean. 

So, FF isnt your friend after all??? I know its been moving my dates around too and its finally decided that I did ovulate on CD 16. Yeah!! Anyhow, so you have boobie pain and your temps are high. Sounds like your preggers to me!!! My boobs have been hurting me off and on. One day I thought they were going to explode, there were so bad, but then the next day they were back to normal again. I think its the progesterone that makes them hurt. I have no idea really! :shrug:

So, now youre going to Philly, huh? Anyhow, checked out the site and it looks pretty good too. March 25th isnt too far along? So, does that mean youll do another IUI if youre not preggers this month (which you will be, but we should always have a plan B)? I have to see my FS next week Thursday and I was wondering if theyd allow me to do the HSG for myself and the SA for my hubby and if that goes ok, I wonder if theyll let me do an unmedicated IUI. I seriously think Im not preggers because of my cm. I keep checking almost everyday and Ive rarely seen any EWCM. Is it possible for my cervix to be out of reach for me??? I have no idea, but it would be nice if I could do the IUI now. Im going to Miami on April 4th and I wanted to be preggers before that, cause if not, then AF will be joining me on my trip. That would totally suck a$$! :growlmad:

Anyhow, how are your doggies doing and the inlaws?


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## ttc1st_at_40

Monique!!! I caught myself another nasty nasty cold... Yep I have been sick since like Tuesday... at first I though to my self great... they say some cold symptoms may also be a pregnancy symptom... well no such luck I got myself a full blown sinus infection and ear infection!!! I havent had an ear infection since I was like 4 I think. Its been a really really crappy week with me being sick, and hubby has gotten on my nerves as it appears he thinks that I have to do everything around the house as it is, and when I am sick he doesnt appear to help me out a lot. So I told him today we have to have a "sit-down" because I am not happy. Anyway my "cold" got so bad I went to the Drs on Thursday.. and today its been 3 days on antibiotics and I can still not hear out of my left ear!! it is seriously so irritating.

I guess alot of my moddiness also has to do with is I know my period is coming... no doubt about it.. .as much as FF is not m friend I know my temps have dropped drastically in the last 2 days so I am expecting AF tomorrow... oh and I did test yesterday am I knew it would be negative but I did it anyway just to check. First time I cried since all of TTC has been going on.

I am not sure what we will do this cycle. Maybe nothing ? and just go see the Specialist in Philly on the 25th and get his recommendations. Maybe I need a month of all these hormones. I was on Clomid for 2 months, now 2 months of injectables I think maybe a month off may do me good. Not to mention I have seriously gained 10 pounds. I dont know why, I have also been a little lazy as well. I need to get my butt on the eliptical we have upstairs.

OK looks like AF didnt get ya yesterday?? good news right!!! yippeeee... whatcha thinking... ok so FS on Thursday!! how exciting!!! as for unmedicated IUI... yep those can be done, well depending on your Drs preference. Remember I went to a new FS and they advised me to go straight to Donor, she did say that in the mean time they would off to do IUIs unmedicated. How it worked with them is the first month they want to be sure the timing is correct, then there on after you can do IUIs by just calling the office when you surge. So the first month I would monitor myself and call them when my what ever OPK I am using to monitor myself goes to peak then the next day they will do a sonogram to see if I am truely "surging" then I could get an IUI, then for the months after that I could just get the IUI with out the sonograms just call when I hit my peak and go in and for $275 they will do an IUI. The first month (sonogram) was just to see if I was really able to catch my surge at home with my home monitoring but then there on out I could just to in for IUIs without ultrasounds. Obviously I dont think I am going back to the FS to even do those, but perhaps my current FS I will call them when AF comes tomorrow or Tuesday, get my CD3 test done just for curiousity then ask for a just an IUI see if they will do it. If I go medicated this month (if they even let me if my FSH values are ok) with all the blood work now and ultrasounds I would have to pay for them out of my own pocket would cost us well over $2k I am hung up on should we save that to go towards our IVFing or perhaps spend it as if it works we may not have to do IVF at all if it works ya know... gosh I dont know !! that is another thing I want to talk to hubby about today. 

ok so how excited are you to go to Florida!!! gosh less than a month away... so lucky get to see the SUNSHINE!!! I miss the sun!!! this am I woke up to a new fresh inch of snow on the ground... WTH !! It finally all melted and yep got snow this AM... boooo

thanks for asking bout the pups!! love those buggers!! they are doing well... and the In-laws.. I am so lucky I havent had to see them much at all.. obviously I saw they at Christmas then beginning of Jan was my neices Bday so saw them at party, then just one trip over to visit the inlaws for dinner first week of Feb and thats it!!! haha PERFECT. So I guess that means I have only seen them twice this year so far!! I am a happy girl !!! haha...

ok hope all is well with ya and you had a good week... .oh almost forgot the guy you work with... haha !! I think everyone has one of those guys..... I do...he is so irrating, a Mr Know it all... has ZERO personality...puts people down...yells at people... her is the kicker, you see him out a Happy Hour and he wants to be BFFs. I am like thinking to myself UMMMM get out of my face. Comes over hey hows it going. I think to myself... are your F&^%in kidding me. Of course I am not too rude, so I said Hey Whats up, and then excuse myself and go to the bathroom. And not talk to him the rest of the night. If I dont talk to you in the office I am definately not talking to you outside of the office either!! ok gotta run... gotta get ready for church!! hope all is well and AF stays away from ya!!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

ahhh crap I am sorry I just refreshed my screen and it is showing your ticker as different... so you did get AF I am sorry Monique!!! Right on Saturday like you though? oh darn I am sorry. Well on to next month for the both of us. One day this will all end huh?


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Gosh, girl, I'm so sorry you've been sick all week. I've never had a sinus infection but I have a chronic ear infection inmy left ear, so I totally know how horrible that feels. The combination of the two, sounds absolutely horrific. Gosh, I hope you're feeling a little better. That has to suck big time.

So, the hubby isn't helping, huh? My hubby can be like that sometimes and you just want to smack them. Wait till he gets sick and he'll be like a little child asking you to get him everything. If that's any indication of how he'll be when you have a baby, then for sure, you need to have a chat with him.

Well, as for me, yesterday was a very emotional day for me as well. On Friday, I felt like AF was coming and yesterday morning, I woke up and took my temp and it was super high, so I was so excited. Then I went to the washroom and noticed some spotting, well that bummed me out, but it was super light and it didn't start the way I normally get AF so then I got excited again. Anyhow, throughout the day I kept checking and it was still super light. So, I told myself that if I woke up this morning with a high temp still that I would test and maybe the bleeding may stop. But last night the bleeding got heavier and I figured that was it, it's AF. I'm not sure why I convinced myself that it was something other than AF, but whatever. 

I woke up this morning and took my temp and it dropped big time. So, I'm off to my FS on Thursday and I will definitely see if I can get the unmedicated IUI. I'm hoping I can get a bunch of tests done before I ovulate for this new cycle. I'd like to get the HSG, definitely a SA test for the hubby and that other test that you had that checks your hubby's sperm with your CM, I forgot what it's called. I'm not sure I can get that all done before I ovulate thought since I'm going to see the FS on CD 6. 

I'm sorry that this IUI didn't work either, so does that mean that you will do the IUI till you get to the Philly FS? I think you if you can afford it, do another final IUI and then get yourself to the Philly FS and go straight to IVF. That's my advice. I tell you, I'd go straight to IVF too, if I could. I'm seriously tired of waiting and I can only imagine how you feel too. And that 10 pounds you've gained, I've also gained the same amount maybe even more, I can feel my clothes getting tighter even thought I've been eating pretty decent and exercising. What the hell!!! I swear stress does horrible things to your body.

Dude, I'm super excited about Miami, we also woke up to snow. When is the snow going to stop for the love of God!!! Anyhow, now I have to check my summer clothes and make sure they fit me, cause that would suck going to Miami and not being able to fit into them would really make me upset. Also, since AF will be travelling with me, I won't be going into the water or wearing any bikinis.:growlmad:

Well, today I have a massive headache and I think my MIL and FIL are coming over to help my hubby put in a closet organizer. Hell no. I don't want his MIL anywhere near me while I feel like crap. Let's hope they don't come over. I do have to see them in a couple of weeks though cause it's my FIL's birthday. blah.

Oh btw, here's a picture of the cake I made my nephew. it's not the greatest looking but he liked it. :)

My niece is in one of the pictures.


Anyhow, I gotta go lie down now... this headache is killing me. I agree with you about that guy, why the hell would I want to hang out with him after work if I don't want to hang out with him during work. What a loser!! :)

Hope you feel better my dear! I'll let you know what happens on Thursday at the FS. :)
 



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## ttc1st_at_40

WOW Love the Cake!!!! awesome job by you and your hubby!!!

Ok so today was the FS visit right ? so excited to see what they have to say to you. Hoping they give ya the HSG test, cause I heard that thing actually also helps boost fertility, by potentially clearing out some minor blockages, and apparently your tubes like the ink they use, that it helps the eggies to move along... well thats what I heard :)

so I went up to my FS today, to talk about last months cycle, he was happy with the way I responded to the injections and wants me to continue BUT if I do EVERYTHING is out of pocket for me going foward. Last month the way it worked is IUI was not officially "in my plan" meaning they coded it that I was just being monitored and last minuite I then switched to IUI cause everything looked good and all I had to pay out of pocket was $550 ($250 for a cycle fee and $300 for the IUI itself) the $1500 in blood work and ultrasounds was covered because it was all done before my IUI. BUT Since I had an IUI now my insurance considers anything I do after it (ultrasounds/bloodwork) to be "testing on top of my fertility treatments", and they will only cover "testing to diagnosis infertility". 

So if we do the injectables this month with IUI I have to have the blood work and ultrasounds for the whole week, so my total will be over $2K. Hubby and I talked about it and we are just going to save that $$ to go towards the IVF, but I talked my FS into letting me do just an IUI once I detech my surge myself. He was not happy about it, but he did agree to it. Says without injections he feels it only boosts my chances up 3%, but he agree to let me detech my surge at home, come in the next day for an ultrasound and blood work to verify my surge then the following day do an IUI. That all should run me close to $600. Which is fine. I just hope I can do the timing right, I wish he would just let me catch my surge, and do the IUI the very next day, instead he wants me to do the ultrasound the very next day then the following do the IUI. Oh I dont know, but it will still make me feel like I am at least doing "something" to help boost my chances ya know. And I can betcha I will be constantly peeing on sticks trying to catch my surge. I will have to get more digitals and also some of those cheapy ones too huh? 


Have to tell ya this was the worst AF yet... super super heavy and a ton of cramping!!! and I have been really depressed too Monique... this all is really hitting me hard... I dont feel like socializing or going out of the house. This weekend is St Pattys day and we have a big parade in town, and a bunch of parties to go to. Also a friends surprise 40th on Saturday, and no of it even sounds romotely exciting to me. I just "dont feel like it" ya know? I just feel BLAH!! I try so hard to stay positive, SOOOO hard, but sometimes I just can help to let the thought slip into my head that I may never have a child, and it overwhelms me. :( Not to mention I got on the scale today and I actually have gained 12 LBS!!!!!!!!! I am sure that has something to do with my depression to huh !! BLAH !!


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## so_anxious

Hey Sweetheart,

Listen, you have every right to feel the way you do and if you need to cry all day long or shout it out, do it. Sometimes, it helps to just scream. You do sound like you're depressed, are you talking to anyone about this. And I don't mean your husband, cause you need a unbiased person. Husbands will never ever know what a woman has to go through or how a woman feels. I'll tell you when i'm depressed, I'll eat everything to make me feel better so it's no surprise that you've gained some weight but I bet you, it still looks lovely on you. :hugs:

So, I think that doing a natural cycle with IUI is a very good plan as well. I would suggest you do get those cheapie OPKs since you'll have to probably test twice a day. Will you get them in time? It's also a very good idea to save your money for the IVF since you may have to do it a couple of times, but I'm pretty sure that it'll work on the first try. You should totally try for multiples as well, cause a lot of the times one 1 egg will survive and implant.

As for me, well I just got back from my FS and talk about an emotional journey. Sheesh, I feel so badly for women who are infertile, I pray to God that I'm not infertile, but here's what happened.

So, my hubby and I got there at 1:20pm, our appt was at 1:30pm. We waited about 15 minutes and then they called me to do an ultrasound, including internal ultrasound. Then, when I finally got out about 20 minutes later, the dr called both of us in. So, then he took a complete history, I mean it took about 30 minutes to get our history. 

Then he told us that from both of our histories, he wants to do a number of tests to rule out low quality eggs. I already did the day 3 test, but he wanted to do another test called AMH and with the day 3 test and the AMH that will be a complete diagnosis for ovarian reserve. Then he also wanted to rule out PCOS with a hormone test and then he wanted to do a CA125 test to rule out ovarian cancer or endometriosis.

Also, I have to do the HSG test on Tuesday to see if my tubes are blocked.

As for my hubby, he has to do a SA and my doctor did have some concerns with him because my hubby had a hernia and he also has kidney stones. Together it makes a deadly combination for low sperm count or just being sterile. So, my hubby is doing that test on Saturday.

While we were there we did a bunch of blood tests. It was insane, she took 20 viles of blood from me and 10 viles from my hubby. It was funny cause my hubby almost fainted and the lady was making fun of him, she said "your wife had more blood drawn and she's ok". That was kinda funny. She gave him some apple juice.

Anyhow, so after the result of the blood tests, HSG and SA, he will determine what the next steps are. I should know all of it by Wednesday. 

The great thing is that he gave me 4 options or steps that he'd like to me to get going with already. 

First step: Natural Cycle with a test of CM and sperm together, even if it's good, he said that I can do an IUI. So either way, I'll probably do an IUI by next weekend.

Second step: if the natural cycle doesn't work then they put me on drugs and injections for superovulation with IUI.

Third step: Laparoscopy to determine if there are any uterine issues and then fix them.

Fourth step: IVF - the FS told me that he doesn't even consider this because I'm still young. Imagine I'm young at 36. 

He said that the average age of women there was 39 years old, so I'm considered young. that made me laugh.

Anyhow, so I did have to pay for one of the blood test which was $175 and then for my hubby the SA test includes a DNA fragmentation test which we have to pay $185 for, but the rest of the tests are paid for by our government insurance, which is helpful. 

Wow, this is a long email, but I just wanted to let you know what happened. I'm glad that we're doing all these tests and that I should know something by Wednesday.

Anyhow, I have to go do another blood test tomorrow morning and then I have to drop off the semen on Saturday and then another blood test and ultrasound on Monday and then the HSG on Tuesday. If everything looks ok, then I'll be going back probably on Friday for the sperm/cm test and then an IUI on Saturday or Sunday. Gosh, I'm going to be busy next week. 

I'm going to talk to my boss tomorrow morning and let him know that I have some health issues and that I'll be going for tests throughout the week. I hope he understands. I don't know if he'll make an issue out of it, but it's gotta be done. 

So, let's see, is there anything that makes you happy like playing with your doggies or going out with the hubby? I'm actually really busy at work so it's helping a lot to keep my mind off of stuff but I don't have anything to do after work. I'm thinking of taking a cake decorating class, is there a hobby that you can start? I'm just thinking of something to help you with the depression. I don't want you to be depressed, I want you to be happy. I know that having a baby will make you happy so I'll have to pray a little harder to God! :) 

Please, please, please post or even email me if you need to talk. Okie dokie, I will definitely try to respond right away. ok!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

Good Morning Monique... 

wow sounds like you got a lot covered at your first FS visit, you got all kinds of tests lined up already... wow looks like they are wasting no time with ya. That is awesome. Wondering how hubby was with the SA on Saturday ? gosh I hope it wasnt to much of a drag for him. My FS has never asked me to go get the AMH test run, I kind of wonder why as I have heard it is a good test to see Ovarian Reserve, I betcha this new FS I go see will want that run. Ok so an ultrasound for ya today, hoping that all looks good... and your HSG tomorrow. please keep me posted!!! 

I started with my CBFM again and it asked for my first stick today, of course it is a low. I was a little concerned that my cycles would go back to normal, since I have been on fertility meds for the last 4 months (2 months on Clomid and 2 month on these injections) so I guess we shall see how this cycle goes I guess. I didnt have time to order the cheapie OPKs so I bought 2 boxes of the digital smileys to use. I plan on doing the CBFM in the AM and like 3 smilies through out the day to try to catch the surge. 

I am concerned though that my damn surge will run into the weekend though and my Dr is not open on Sunday... I guess we will just have to see. What I am hoping is I surge maybe Fri AM they get me in that AM for a ultrasound, then I can do an IUI on Saturday. But that is just an ideal schedule, dont know if it will work out that way. Usually my LH surges in the afternoon, and My Dr only does ultrasounds in the AM. So if that happens then I wont get in until the next day for the ultrasound/blood, then he wants to wait on those results before doing an IUI, which wouldnt be until the NEXT day...but to me that seems just too long between surging and an IUI. See what I mean ? oh well I hope my body cooperates with me so I can confidently get an IUI in this month. That will make me feel a lot better. 

I want to thank you or the very nice response, I appreciate your kind thoughts.. I really do... I am trying to stay positive but gosh it is just so hard. Everything brings me to tears it really doesnt matter what it is to be honest. I watch a movie about old people with their grand children and I cry thinking I may never have grandchildren, I watch commercial with a girl at prom I cry thinking I will never have a child go to prom.... honestly it doesnt matter what it is. Its getting to be too much for me. I mostly am trying to hide alot of this from my hubby, because I dont want him to think I am totally loosing it, and make him think perhaps 2nd guess the IVF incase it doesnt work he knows I will be upset all over again, see what I mean? 

I know I am doing everything I can at this point. I got that FS visit set up for the 25th, I also set up another appointment for April 7th at a Clinic that is closer. It is actually in Cleveland Oh which is only 2 hours from us. Which means we could go up and back in the same day for the IVF procedures. The one in Philly is 6 hour drive, so we would have to stay over night each time we go there for the IVF procedures. The one in Cleveland is a lot more expensive for IVF but they are closer and they are actually ranked like 6th in the US for IVF sucsess for my age bracket. So I think maybe we will try 1 IVF in Philly then maybe 1 in Cleveland. Then that will be all my hubby will probablly want to do. He is concerned about the cost, as this all will be VERY VERY expensive. I dont want to "push" it and insist we keep doing IVFs over and over again, because in the end if they do not work, I will really want to try to convince him to go to the Doner Egg Program, I know if he gets over his issue with the Doner Egg, and if we spend too much money on IVFs then he will definately say NO because we had already spent thousands on treatments, ya know what I mean ? thinking that we have exhausted all our funds so will not think about doing any more at all. So that is also in the back of my mind. 

I am really wishing you luck this week, on some great results from your tests. Please keep me posted!~!


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

Hows it going? How are you doing? So, Im really happy with this FS although they do go very fast there, its like a production line. I went on Monday and Tuesday for more bloodwork and ultrasounds. It turns out that Im ovulating early this cycle so it was too close to ovulation to do the HSG test so I have to wait now. They only do it from cycle 5 to 10 and only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. These tests are all covered by our public health insurance. Anyhow, I cant even do it next cycle cause thats when Im going to Miami. Ah well, my dr didnt seem too concerned, he said that Im one of the younger people at the clinic, and that Ive only been trying for 6 months now, so I could get knocked up at any minute. The crappy thing is that if I knew I wasnt going for the HSG test, then I would have DTD with the hubby since Monday. Anyhow, the dr said that he wanted me to BD on Tuesday and Wednesday and then go back to see him on Thursday for more bloodwork and u/s to see if I did ovulate. The weird thing is that every time I get the u/s, its with a new person and they always ask me if Im on meds. Im wondering if Im going to release more than 1 egg this cycle. Hmm I guess Ill ask next time. Apparently, theyre not suppose to tell me.

Also, my dear, your FS should totally do the AMH test, ask them and see what they say.

So, if your cycle does go back to normal is that not good? Hey, remember some women get preggers after theyre off all the meds so I think you still have a good chance. Ive gotten a peak today so I guess my dr was right. Ive been testing twice a day as well. Yesterday, I tested with the CBFM in the morning and it looked like I was going to get my lh surge in the afternoon. So, I did a smiley face OPK in the afternoon and low and behold, a smiley face appeared. So, this morning I did both the CBFM and the OPK cause sometimes they dont match up and I want to be sure that Im still on the surge or over the surge. I think you checking often will be very helpful.

Its totally bizarre how every clinic works so differently. Gosh I hope you get your surge even before Friday, that way you dont have to worry about the IUI. At my clinic they do the bloodwork and u/s and by time I see my doctor he has the results right there, so then he would tell me to do the IUI at that moment. I wont be able to do the IUIs until I get that HSG test, so Im going to patiently wait.

So, my dear, I wish I could be there physically to hug you up. Im starting to feel the pressure too, I mean, I felt it before, but now its getting more and more intense. I know that you have to hide it from your hubby and thats really hard to do. It can be a lot to deal with on your own. Have you considered the adoption route yet? At the clinic yesterday, I met a woman that has been doing this stuff for a while now and she told me that I should start looking into adoption right now cause the process is very lengthy. She said that the waiting list is insane so I should start now if I really want children. I mean I could get pregnant in the meantime and just stop the process or I could never end up pregnant and at least Im on the waiting list for a child. Im going to seriously talk to my hubby about this as Id like to have a child either way. I think I still may even adopt a child if I do get pregnant. 

So, the two clinics, one in Philly and one in Cleveland, have you figured out if traveling to the on in Philly offsets the costs of the clinic in Cleveland. So, what I mean is, that the Cleveland clinic sounds way better for many reasons except for the expense, but if you have to pay a lot to travel to Philly does it work out to be the same costs. If so, then I say only go to the Cleveland one, cause that will help reduce stress if its closer to home. But it all depends on the costs. 

Are you still going to try to do IVF with your own egg first and then IVF with a donor? How many IVFs will you try?

Gosh, girl, I just hope the first IVF works. The same girl at the clinic yesterday told me that shes going through her first IVF and the costs are approximately $14K. Its like over $6000 for meds and $7000 for the IVF procedure. Everything else is paid by the public health insurance. So, even the IUI except you still need to get it washed so that costs money. Also any fertility costs that are incurred during the year are tax deductible, so I have to keep all my bills!! :

Well, my dear. I hope youre doing well, and Im praying that you get your surge either today or tomorrow or even on Monday would be better right???


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## ttc1st_at_40

ok HSG on hold...thats ok... heard that is an awesome test, I am really hoping to get it done as well, Ya I also "get it" if you knew you werent getting it you would have BD more, darn!! were you able to get enough in though ya think ? 

how awesome you must feel to be considered the "young one" haha !! awesome, ya and those ultrasound techs, apparently some of them dont like to say anything... I have like 3 different girls too that do mine, one is "tight lipped" and says NOTHING, the other girl told me straight up "well it depends on who you get, I'll tell ya what ever I see, just as long as you know that the Dr is the one that makes decisions based on what I find, but if you want to know what your lining is or how many follicles you have I will tell you" so she does, the other 2 tell me NOTHING. So when I get one of the 2 techs that tell me nothing during the scan, I then have to wait for the Nurse to call me back (the one I hate) and then have to almost beg her to tell me... and she only answers exactly what I ask... cant wait to never have to deal with her again!!! BUT....each time I go in I am soooo happy when I see the friendly Ultrasound tech haha

so I am thinking my cycle may be normal this month... so far started back with the CBFM, and it was low for 4 days, now have gotten two days of highs so far... so sounds on track so far... I am keeping my fingers crossed, I was soooo worried that I wouldnt get a "normal" cycle back, I have heard a lot of stories when girls go on these fertility meds, that it messes up their cycles permanently... so I am hoping I contiune on and get my +opk... thinking that will either come tonight or tomorrow. I did call the office and ask them if I get my surge on the weekend (they are closed on Sundays) that if I can just come in first time Monday, and they said "sure". So I dont think they will waste a day for the ultrasound and blood work and wait for me to do an IUI the next day, hopefully I will surge tomorrow and get the IUI Monday. I hate the idea that they suggested to wait a day between, seems like too long after my surge, but to be honestly I dont think my Dr normally does "unmedicated cycles" but was just making an exception for me. Oh well we'll see I guess.

I am super excited for the FS (phily visit) this Friday. Philly guy is way cheaper and does not batt an eye at 40 year old women with high FSH. Cleveland I am not so sure what their take on 40 yo with high FSH, hoping for them to call me before I go for my visit there, as I dont want to waste my time if they really want to turn me down,and why waste a day off work and a 4 hour round trip drive only for them to tell me to use Donor Eggs or that they dont want to take me, as I have heard it certainly does happen, because clinics like to take on "sure thing" patients in order to keep their stat's up... very sad but also very true. 

Also I did weight the costs and the Phily guy is way cheaper even with having to spend more on gas money and hotels, than the Cleveland guys. So my idea is maybe one (or two) IVFs in Philly and then if that doesnt work try the Cleveland Clinic, that is if I can keep my hubby on board, as I think this traveling around and long hours driving may "get on his nerves" VERY fast. So I will get a lot of things answered once I go to this visit on Friday. And YES I want to try with my own eggs, Hubby has not agreed to using donors, and there is a good chance he will never agree to that. Donor Eggs in my eyes is our LAST resort, and I dont even know if that is an option, because he very well may NEVER agree to Donors. And he also is not willing to adopt. I would in a minute!!! I love my husband and all, and he does want children, but he wants HIS children, he does not have a big enough heart to adopt someone elses child, same hang up he has on using Donor Eggs, he said he wouldnt feel like it would be "our" child. I feel 100% opposite than him though. 

That is soooo awesome you have a lot of fertilty coverage, very very nice. and yep it does sound like your IVF are expensive too... guess they are no matter what country ya live in huh? 

sooooo have you started packing for Miami yet!!! :) how exicted are you getting... gosh I would love a vacation right about now!!! but the weather is getting nicer so that is a bonus, it was 70 degrees here yesterday, it was heaven!!!!


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## so_anxious

OMG, girl, I totally thought you had an HSG done already. Ok, so now Im kinda upset with your FS. Ok, so my dr doesnt want to do IUI yet until I do the HSG cause if my tubes are blocked than Im wasting my money doing the sperm wash for IUI. Im not sure why I had thought that you had the HSG done. OK, so my dear, what happens if your tubes are blocked right now. I seriously think you need to ask your FS to do that test now. Imagine that your tubes are blocked and youre just doing the IUI after IUI. Oh man, that would suck a$$. Im sure your tubes arent blocked but I seriously think your FS needs to check that out now. Hmm thats so bizarre.

Well, I may be a young one at the clinic, but I seriously feel old at work sometimes. Especially with all these 30 year olds keep getting pregnant within 3 months of trying. Kinda pisses me off. So, let me tell you about this 30 year old at work, I may have mentioned her before but heres some more. 

This 30 year old, lives in a very small 1 bedroom apartment. She has tons of student debt. Her husband is trying to get his PhD and is now going into more student debt. Her job is only temporary and her husband makes a very low salary as well. Yet, she wants to have kids now. And you know what, shell probably get pregnant right away. Man, it sucks to be me!!! Whatever!

Dude, so it looks like you got a high on Sunday, so youre in really good shape still to go get your IUI this week. I think that if Im not knocked up by May then Im doing the HSG and then an unmedicated IUI. But Im hoping that the dr gets all the results back and lets me know if theres some problem. Im hoping and praying to God that Im not an unexplained infertility like my friend. I think Id just go into a depressed state or something. 

So, you still havent heard from Cleveland yet, huh? Can you call them up? I agree with you, you should totally know before you go cause that would be like a waste of time if they said we dont bother with high FSH clients.

Im not sure why I asked you about cost comparison, of course you would have done that, youre an analyst!! Anyhow, thats good to know that you have choices as well. Im sorry to hear that he probably wont agree to donor eggs or adoption. But, its probably good that you know about his issues with that before you actually have an adopted child come live with you and him not be full engaged. At least hes honest with you. 

Ah man, are fertility expenses tax deductible in the US? I just found out the other day that it is in Canada, so I have to save all my receipts to claim next year. Hopefully, I wont have too many receipts!! 

Yes, I have started to pack for Miami. I had to bust out the summer clothes that still fit. Man, my a$$ is huge!! Anyhow, Im very excited. My hubby hasnt done anything yet. He still hasnt even purchased the basketball tickets for Miami. He said hes going to wait till the last minute. Typical man!! Anyhow, the weather is getting much nicer. Its quite warm today, but its raining, blah. Im super tired today and its 4 dpo. Man, if AF arrives, then Im totally getting wasted in Miami. Tee hee.


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Did you ever consider accupuncture?

Check out this lady's chart: https://www.tcoyf.com/media/p/1370605.aspx


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## ttc1st_at_40

I didnt have actually the HSG, where they use the dye to see if your tubes are open, I did a Saline Sonogram... where they fill your uterus with Saline, that as well they can see if your tubes are open.... similar but not exactly the same as HSG. I heard with the HSG the dye somehow provides a nice environment for implantation, and helps the tubes to want to push the eggy along. But the Saline one, has never been "talked" about to improve anything :(

you know what, I sooooo often think of the seemingly "ungrateful" and "unworthy" or "unfit" people that fall pregnant so easily or by mistake, and that is what makes this all seems so unfair, when you have women (like me...and you) that want it soooooo bad and its not happening :( 

so some good news, I did get the Nurses from the Cleveland Clinic to call me (after I made 3 calls to the office, saying I sent my chart up already with a letter for them to review) they got the Dr to look at my records and they called me yesterday to say "The Dr does not find a reason why you would not be a good canidate for IVF here...so definately keep your appointment with him" so yep I was happy to hear that. Now that appt is April 7th. 

but ya know what I am really getting worried about this month Monique, remember how I told ya I was worried that 4 months of fertility meds may mess up my "perfect" cycles... and I started to feel ok this month cause my CBFM started me at low then went to high, so I thought that OK maybe my cycle is going to go as it always has....well here I am Day 15 and I have not got a +opk or a peak on my CBFM. I normally get my 1st +Opk anywhere from CD11-CD14.... I dont know what is going on!!!!! obviously I havent gone in for my IUI... and I dont even know if I will... I can tell ya what I have used 12 smiley sticks so far in the last 5 days... and damn a box of 20 of those from CVS (local drug store) cost me $50. I didnt have time to wait to get them from Amazon which is usually only $25. Man I am getting pissed!! that I messed up my cycle now and they may never return to normal. CRAP!!!!

No I havent tried accup... I have heard wonderful things bout it, but to be honest around here I havent heard of any accu places, I guess I am sure they exist but I dont know 1 person personally who has gone to one? and I am a little leary to be honest as I dont know how I would like being litterally poked with needles !! YIKES!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

You're too funny, I was thinking to myself, I just tried to convince Renee to do accupunture but I don't think I'd even do it myself. The thought of it accupuncture actually freaks me out... yuck!

Anyhow, gosh, I hope you get a +OPK later today. I thought that maybe you would have ovulated earlier with the left over meds in your system. As long as it's before the weekend, then I think you should be ok, right?

So, by time I get back from my vacation I expect a full report from your visit to the Cleveland clinic. This is very exciting!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

haha ya... me thinking to my self... do I really want to PAY someone to STICK me with pins... ummm NOOOOO !! HAHA... although ya I do "get it" people say it is therapeutic...but for the life of me I cant image how!! 

ok so I was just thinking bout your trip to Miami... and I am getting more and more jealous... especially since we just got a ince of snow this morning!!! come on already... I want to see the SUN!!!!

OK SO UPDATE ON ME... DAMN IT still no +opk or a peak on my CBFM. And I would not be so worried if I was actually on some type of hormones or Clomid or anything this month that would give me a reason for the O to be late, but Im not taking anything this month at all, and that was my worry, that after a year of &#8220;normal&#8221; cycles that perhaps now my cycle would be &#8220;messed&#8221; up after taking hormones for a few cycles. Appears that may be the case. Well hopefully I go see this FS tomorrow and he lets me do IVF starting in April. Also he from what I understand also does bloods and ultrasounds&#8230; so perhaps he even will be able to &#8220;tell&#8221; whats going on and why my O is so late this month&#8230; maybe aI have a hormone out of balance or such ? we shall see&#8230;.. I am so excited to meet this Dr I have heard such great things about him, apparently he is a very positive guy.... will be a total switch from the witch/nurse at my current FS office.
Oh and by the way I called in to my FS office and talked to that witch, to just give them a "heads up" that I didnt seem to surge yet cause my OPKs arent going positive, her response " Oh...you may be done Ovulating Renee" I said what do you mean Permanently? she said "Yes" I was like "ummm how is that possible" she said well we have been forcing you to O the last 2 months because of injection, maybe your body just wont do it on its own any more" I was like "well I have had normal cycles for years" she said well perpahsp not any more and your Pre-metoposal" I wanted to tell her she is full of HORSE SHIT!!!... she honestly does not know what she is talking about. I feel like I know more than her seriously. Just because I didnt get a positive OPK yet how can she really tell me she thinks I may never O again... Really a-hole... umm opks just tell you when your LH is rising anyway... it means your LH is rising which will signal your body to Ovulate in 24-36 hours, and it doesnt even mean you will Ovulate or not....just a signal that you "should" be soon. So see what I mean she has no freaking idea what she is talking about, and I think I really HATE her. UGHHHH


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hi Monique hope your having a fun weekend.... wanted to check in AND I see your temps are nice and high.. and ya you did O pretty early this month... lucky girl!!! 

ok I was so excited to give ya my update...

Got my +opk and Peak on my CBFM Friday AM.... which is CD19 for me which means my peak came super late, it have always gotten a positive as early as day 11 and no later than day 14 ! so pretty late but Im just happy I got it, and it was a STRONG surge... When I first got up to use my CBFM it was too early cause I got up at 4:30 am since I had an early flyt out, and when I hit the CBFM it was still on the day before and wasnt asking for a stick yet...so I thought darn thats gonna mess up my whole cycle on that thing anyway... I still wanted to pee on something ... So I used a Smiley Digital one and got a Definate Poistiive. Then right before I walked out of the house for my flight at 6:15 AM the CBFM was now ok with me giving it a stick... I litterally only put like 3 drops on the thing and it still gave me my Peak, this is after 2 glasses of water and already going to the bathroom 3 times... haha... so yep a strong surge thats for sure...

anyway... so my new FS... LOVE LOVE him... gosh what a positive man. And apparently very well known and writes a lot of medical papers. Anyway long story short, he definately thinks he can help me get preggers.... said I have a lot going for me...only down fall is my age of course and it is just natural we at this age would take longer to get pregnant. Said sure my FSH is a "little" elevated but he doesnt go strickly by that at all. (very different story from my FS here in Pittsburgh where that damn nurse said... well theres always miracles BUT I have NEVER seen anyone get pregnant with a FSH like yours) ugghhh


He is ok with me starting in April YAYAYA!! he did ultrasounds and cultures while I was there. He did see I had 1 follicle at 22mm so told me to get home and get busy with husband. (VERY normal to only see 1 follicle on an unmedicated cycle) He did say he didnt believe I needed to go for an IUI at my current FS (which I was planning on doing this am...since I already had that planned out) but he said that we had just as good a chance to accomplish it all ourselves. He litterally said to me.. "how much does your current Dr charge for IUI... I said $300 then he said well how much does your husband charge you intercourse... and I laughed of course... then he said I would go with which ever one is cheaper" because he was very confident that my CM was not a problem because LISTEN TO THIS ONE.... he asked me the last time we had intercourse and I told him Wed night... which was 36 hours before, he said well let me try a post colitial test on you to see if we can see how good your CM is and see if we find any sperm and if they are alive. Well he took a culture and put it on a slide with a computer monitor and the COOOLIEST THING ever, there were little sperms in my CM. I know this is what is suppose to happen, but to actually see it up on the computer screen, and know that hubby and I sex a whole day and a half before... it certainly blew my mind to see those little things swimming around... it was just sooooo cool. 

Anyway I am over the moon optimistic about this guy. He is going to do on me what is called a low stim protocol. and what it entails is "older womens eggs" tend to not respond so well to high dosages of injectables... so instead they use miniumn stimmulation with medication. When trying to use high dosages of FSH on "older" women most dont even produce a lot of eggs, and if they do you they more than likely are not great quality, so this low still protocol is use less injectiables and you would still prroduce multiple eggs (but they are not going for 20) they would be happy with 2-6 follicles and what they are going for is quality over quality. So yep thats what I am doing...on and it is 1/2 price of normal IVF so only appx $4K. His normal full stim is only appx $7k. Obviously I am going to get busy as much as possible since I just got my +opk, but if we are not sucessfull we have a definate plan laid out for 2 weeks from now !! ya So exicted ... I truly now (if not before) know the meaning of an emotional roller coaster, as I am on IT!!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

Sorry, I didn't respond right away, I was in a 2 day training course and then today I was over at my mom's house so I've been checking in but haven't had a chance to respond.

Talk about freaking awesome. I so happy that this FS is totally better than that other place. He sounds really great and seeing your cm with the spermies is totally awesome. I haven't had a chance to do that test yet, but I'm looking forward to it probably this next cycle.

Do you know if the FS is doing the AMH test? Also that follicle at 22mm is optimal so you definitely ovulate on your own with no problem at all. I'm also really happy that the FS isn't forcing you to do IUI or basically spending money as soon as you got there. This dude sounds like a winner! I'm really happy you found him. 

The funniest thing this cycle is that I'm totally early and you're late. What a crazy cycle! And listen to this, I'm not feeling preggers or that I'm going to get a BFP this cycle, but I'm ok with that since I'm going to get buck wild in Miami. anyhow, I had the worse pain in my boobs last night I couldn't sleep at all. At one point I thought I was having a heart attack cause I almost couldn't breathe, but then I thought that the pain was coming from the sides of my boobs and armpits. I guess that's a symptom but still don't think I'm preggers. Whatever!!

I'm just glad that we are both happier for seeing our new FS. I know for sure we're going to get our BFPs. Yippee!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

It looks like my hubby finally knocked me up. 

Went to FS this morning to take a blood test, I should know officially by 5pm today.

I'm super nervous!!!

How are you doing?
 



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## ttc1st_at_40

what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THATS GREAT NEWS!!!! MONIQUE!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

wow AND your only on CD25 you must be REALLY PREGNANT HUH???

Gosh I am soooooo happpppppppppyyyyyyy for you!!!

so happy I jumped on here this morning.... and I will jump back on this evening to check in on ya.... 

yayayaya CONGRATS!!!!


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## so_anxious

Dude, I'm totally excited too. I'll post again when I find out officially. 

My hubby and I only BD'd twice this cycle. I ovulated on CD 13 and we BD on CD 11 and CD 12. Who knew???

Anyhow, I hope you don't dump me too. I was talking to this other girl on this site and she totally told me this morning that she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I thought that was kind of mean. 

Ah well, I promise not to talk about baby stuff and pregnancy unless you ask me okie dokie. I like talking to you a lot and I hope we can continue to chat. :cry:


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## ttc1st_at_40

what!!! dont be silly!!!!!

I would never give you the boot.

But I can tell ya, I know what ya mean... I am on another thread with a few other girls....it started out with 5 of us..... then when one got pregnant one of the other girls had a hard time with it, and really opened up on the thread and "more or less" said she couldnt be around other girls that got their BFP, and since it was a TTC thread that the BFP girl should go to the 1st tri thread. This was when she was like 1 week pregnant... anyway sad thing is I ended up checking in on the girl and she ended up Misscarrying and she never joined our thread back... I felt really really bad... I kinda saw her point (the girl that didnt have the bfp) that it was hurtful to be around others (as I have said numerous times...I am tired of seeing all these pregnant people) but on the other hand the girl that got their BFP I think got hurt when asked to not come back to the thread...I felt so bad... THEN she ended up miscarrying I felt even worse. ... ends up...there was only 4 of us on the thread... and GUESS WHAT....now the 3 girls I am left on the thread with all just got their BFPs, one last month, and 2 just got them in the last few weeks...! ironic huh?


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## ttc1st_at_40

HEY!!! I just noticed your new tickers!!!! how awesome is that !!!!! isnt it strange they say your 3 weeks pregnant ? I can never quite get that? they count back to when the first day of your period was right? I find that crazy what that is the "norm" for counting the weeks dont you? as we know when we ovulate, then we also know that it takes a few days for the embro to implant after ovulation...still boggles me why they count all the way back to when you had your period.


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Wow, that's crazy about those other girls. Hmm... I know for sure that you're going to get your BFP with this new FS. It's going to happen this year. You know I have this girlfriend that has been trying for 3 years now and nothing. I don't even know how to tell her that I'm pregnant. I totally feel for her and I tell you if that 30 year old at work got pregnant this cycle, and I didn't, I would have been pissed off and extremely jealous. 

My hubby also told me that we were invited to his friend's house for dinner. They have a new born and they were going to invite another couple with a 16 month old. I told Rob that I didn't want to go cause the whole evening would have been talking about babies. Not something I would want to even do if I weren't trying to have a baby. 

i really don't want to be one of those people that talks about their kids all the time or talks about being pregnant all the time. I think it's really inconsiderate.

Anyhow, enough about that stuff... how are you feeling now? Any early symptoms??


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## ttc1st_at_40

OK SOOOOOOO... whats the next step...next Drs appointment wise... do you go for more blood tests? or whens your first ultrasound? tell me..tell me...tell me ! I am super exicted for you, and you have to be jumping out of your skin excited right ??? so MIami is any day now? or maybe you left already ?


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

How's it going? So, my HCG levels seem to be rising pretty well, at 12dpo it was 58 and at 14 dpo it was 188. It's still very surreal to me, I totally don't feel pregnant at all. I don't have any cramps or anything. My nipples are slowly getting sore, but that's it. Oh yeah, I guess I'm more tired now but that's kinda normal for me anyhow. tee hee. 

So, I'm off to Miami on Monday morning so I told my dr and he said that he'd see me when I get back. So, next Saturday, when I'm back, I'm going to go for another blood test to see where my HCG levels are and then they'll book me for an ultrasound when they call me with the results.

I told my parents and sister and they are very thrilled for me, but we haven't told my inlaws. My hubby doesn't want to tell them anything until end of May. I should be 12 weeks by then. 

How are you doing? Your temp is looking really good, very high and stable. Not like other months. 

Thanks for being supportive and not abandoning me. What are your next steps? Do you have any symptoms yet?


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## so_anxious

Renee, my dear! I just got back from Miami and was checking the site to see how things are coming along and I just noticed your chart and it's looking really good. Have you done a test yet!!! I'm totally freaking out right now!!


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey!!!! YOUR BACK!!!! did ya have an awesome trip... how was the weather... nice for ya I hope... did hubby get all his polo stuff? hope you had an awesome relaxing time, babys first trip haha!!

ok so ya my temps do seem pretty high huh? but ya know what I am of course staying optimistic (as I do every month until AF comes) but actually I dont know if my temps are high because, I have been working different hours this week, I am working nights.. its a drag but I am on IT Support this week... I get to work from home but get woken in the middle of the night, when people are having "computer issues" anyway... most of the nights I dont go to be until 4am is, and get up around 11am. They say when your temping your suppose to do it around the same time every day... so that may be one reason why my temps are high... or also maybe because of these suppositories I am on. I dont know if I told ya but I am on 3 progestrone vaginal suppositories a day.. yes a day!! so that may be what is keeping my temps up too. This last FS I went to he said he likes to see women on them every month even if they are not doing IUI or IVF. Helps ladies to build up their lining etc. Another thing these suppositories do are they are known to delay your period until you stop taking them, so the idea is for me to take them for 2 weeks then if I dont get a period I go for a blood pregnancy test, if it is negative I go off the suppositoires so my period comes. Well in reallity AF is due tomorrow for me, but I will go for a blood HCG test on Saturday, and my Dr should get the results Monday. Then if the test is negative Monday Ill stop these suppositories and my period is suppose to come 2-3 days after that. OBVIOUSLY I hope I am pregnant, but I really dont think so. I may take a home pregnancy test on Sunday... that is my birthday!! although I dont like to celebrate my birthday... as I HATE THE IDEA OF GETTING OLDER, I think if by some slim chance I am pregnant, that would be the BEST GIFT EVER. So thats what I am going to do. Wish me luck....

so tell me any symptoms popping up at all ? ok so you go in for another blood test saturday too right? when will they call ya with the results, hopefully you dont have to wait all weekend, and they are able to tell you that day ? I certainly hope they are super high results for ya!!! 

See now you can be my teacher you go through all the early pregnancy tests, symptoms, etc... then you can fill me in WHEN I get preggers!!! hey P.S. I see your EDD... that is my Sisters Bday!!!


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## so_anxious

Yes, I'm back and it was a very nice vacation. The sucky thing was that i couldn't drink any alcohol, but I did have a lot of frozen virgin drinks. It was tons of fun. I was soooo tired all the time though, we even went to see a basketball game with the Miami Heat, but I fell asleep like twice. Isn't that horrible? My hubby was laughing at me cause he said that it was so bloody noisy that he couldn't understand how I fell asleep. Whatever!!

The weather was so nice, it was a very comfortable temperature. Usually it can get way too hot and then my boobs start sweating, but they didn't sweat so that means it was a good temperature. tee hee!! :)

So, my hubby did go to Polo and he bought some stuff but not as much as I thought he would, he still spent about $250 there so that was good. I bought a lot of stuff too, which is very strange for me cause I'm not one to shop unless it's online. Anyhow, I had to be careful what to buy cause most of the stuff was summer stuff and I may have a tiny bump by summer. So, a lot of the tops I got were those blouson tops, you know, the tops where there's like an elastic at the bottom of the top. Not sure if I'm explaining myself properly, but anyhow, the tops would be good to wear if I'm showing so that was good.

OMG, ok so Renee, I swear to all things in heaven that your temp looks almost like my temp from my last and final cycle. I know about the whole 4 hour sleep and every day at the same time, but that's just a bunch of bologne. I always get up during the night and still my temps are the same. I also can take my temp within a 2 hour window and it's still the same. The only things that make my temp change is the temp in the bedroom or if I don't sleep at all. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you hun. I'm so excited. 

So, if you are preggers how long do you have to take the suppositories? Every once in a while I'll take my temp again to make sure it's still high, but it seems to be very consisitent. Also, I have like 20 ICs, so I take them every once in a while too to make sure it's getting darker. I'm going to buy another digi with conception indicator to make sure my hcg levels are getting higher. I was suppose to go to get a blood test tomorrow morning, but it all depends on how I feel in the morning. I can wait till Monday when I go to work since it's across the street and I wouldn't have to make a trip downtown tomorrow. I did a digi before I went on my trip and it said "2-3" so that makes me about 4-5 weeks pregnant, which is right on the dot. I guess by next week I may be "3+" if all is going well.

Well my dear I completely forgot that your birthday was in the same month as mine. I'll have to send you some birthday wishes tomorrow. Wouldn't that be completely awesome to get your BFP tomorrow? Man, I've got some serious praying to do today. My birthday is on April 26th, so I did get a nice little gift as well.

So yeah, not many symptoms for me except the fatigue. I don't have any cramps either. My boobs are huge and painful too. I think I'm still early to get any morning sickness, let's just hope they aren't too bad. 

Yeah, I'm actually happy to be pregnant right before xmas cause I love being off from work around that time, so that works out really well. I know so many people's birthdays around that time too. My mom's birthday is on the 13th. So, that should be interesting!! :)

Listen, I have to admit something.... I'm totally paranoid about miscarrying or a blighted ovum. It's totally freaking me out. My sister had a blighted ovum and I'm freaking out everyday. It's not really good for my stress level, but I just want everything to be ok, you know. It's funny cause I had told myself that if I ever got pregnant it would be smooth sailing, I just can relax and enjoy it, well, my dear, hell no. Now, I'm telling myself that I'll be fine at 12 weeks, but I have a feeling that won't be true either. Man, I seriously need to find a way to relax. 

Oh yeah, and my hubby almost lost it at the airport yesterday. There's this new scanner thingy that I don't think we have in Canada yet, but it was at the Miami airport. You stand in this scanner thingy with your hands over your head and your feet apart and then 5 seconds later you walk out and they say you're ok. Well, I thought it was a new metal detector and then as I was walking to my gate I thought about it and realized that it was probably an xray machine. Well, I asked my hubby if that was an xray machine and he said yeah. Well, I told him that I'm not suppose to get xrayed or at least they're suppose to protect my uterus or something cause I'm pregnant. Well, he was not impressed, he said are you serious? I'm like yeah I think so. Anyhow, he said well shouldn't they have asked you if you were pregnant. I'm like usually when you do an xray they ask all women. Anyhow, he was pissed off (not at me) and so he went on the internet to find out and he found that these new scanners are safe on pregnant ladies. Gosh, what a relief! I don't think I'm going to be flying anywhere for a while now but it's good to know these things. Sheesh!!

Anyhow, you better post asap tomorrow if you get your bfp!!! I need to know pronto! Okie dokie!! Good luck my dear and I'm thinking of you!! :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

ahhh your trip sounds like it was GREAT.....those nice virgin drinks can be delicious!!! and you got some Maternity clothes too it seems!!! ya!!! 

That is sooo funny you fell asleep AT A BASKETBALL GAME!!! thats a hoot !!! gosh girl you must be exhausted!! haha

oh well and that xray machine thingy... When I was reading it I first thought... GIRL.. those are ok!!! (I travel a lot) but it was kinda endearing on how hubby was sooo concerned...Well as he should be I guess...until he found out.. ya know!! concerned Daddy already!! 

hey what are those sticks your peeing on that show you how many weeks preggers you are? never heard of those in the US ? Ill have to get some of that info from ya once I become preggers :) Notice how positive I am ? :)

as for these progestrone suppositories my FS as I said likes women to be on it for every single TWW either on natural cycles or IUI or IVF, if it ends up your preggers they say you should stay on them for quite a few weeks into pregnancy some women all the way to like 3 months sometimes? so basically staying on the progestrone for about 12weeks. After this time the placenta will then take over producing the hormones. And I think my FS is a big Progestrone guy. apparently it is a really good blood test to get done during the few months of pregnancy as well....as this is VERY important...so maybe this is something you can run past your obgyn ? ask them their thoughts on progestrone supplements during your first tri... or at least testing to make sure all is okey dokey? 

ok so as for my temps... sounds like yours are way more consistant than mine. Ok so yesterday my temp was 98.62 thought that seemed kinda high... but again I didnt go to bed til really really late and took my temp at 10am and it was that high.... 

ok so give me your thought on this then...for my temps this am... ok I went to bed at 2am...I woke up at 8:30 am just reached over and took my temp it was 98.33 rolled over went back to sleep..woke again at 10:30 and my temp was 98.86 super high in jsut 2 hours... since it seemed so high I took it 5 mins later (still didnt get out of bed) and it was 98.54... ok so what temp would you use for today... I am thinking I have to go with the very first one with is 98.33 right... (which means I took a dip since yesterday...not a good sign) I am just really convinced temping is just not for me...

oh and p.s.... this is the longest cycle I have had that I can ever remember!!!... since I ovulated SOOOOO darn late this month at CD20ish and my AF will prob be delayed until I stop these suppositories...ughhh... I want to hurry up and get this cycle over with so we can start our IVF!! OBVIOUSLY I pray that I am pregnant, but if not I just really want this cycle over with already!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Sorry I didn't reply yesterday, I had to go over to my inlaw's place for a horrible dinner. I swear that woman can't cook to save her life. Whatever!!

Anyhow my dear, I agree with you, the first temp is what you should use, but I have to tell you that you did take your temp yesterday 1.5 hours sooner than the previous day so yes it will be lower if you take it earlier. I actually think the second one you took at 10:30 was probably the most accurate. But I guess we'll see how today and tomorrow's temp looks like as well.

Are you taking your temp orally or vaginally? 

So, here's a link to the hpt with indicator:

https://www.clearblue.com/ca/new-clearblue-digital-pregnancy-test-with-conception-indicator.php

This is the canadian site, but I'm sure they have it in the US. A little pricey but so worth it. 

Yeah, your cycle is the longest one you've had since you've been trying, huh? It's funny cause my last cycle was the shortest one I've ever had. Gosh, I sure hope you end up preggers or or at least AF shows up soon. Once you start IVF, it'll be very exciting.

So, I'm off to my sister's house today to celebrate two things, first my pregnancy and secondly, my dad finally got a job!! Yippee!! He's working at Sears Canada head office as a Business Process Manager. I'm so freaking happy cause it's a very high paying job and its not an entry level job like we thought he may have to settle with. And guess what we found out about his job and my bfp on the same day. It was crazy. So, my dear I'm hopping you get your BFP tomorrow on your birthday cause it'll be a very wonderful day for you!! 

How's everything else going for you? How's the hubby? Doggies? etc...


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## Anabella

Hello! You ladies seem to have formed a very tight bond but if you're interested in another buddy, I would like to join the party! I am a Toronto girl to, but currently living in the U.S., and of course TTC over the age of 35, so I feel like we have some things in common! Anyways, Monique congrats on your BFP, and Renee, good luck this cycle!


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## so_anxious

Hi Anabella,

Thanks for the congrats! So, how long have you've been ttcing? Where in the US do you live now? 

Yeah, Renee and I have been chatting for a while now and trying to support each other. I did finally get my bfp last cycle and I'm hoping that Renee will be getting her bfp soon as well. 

How's everything with you? What CD are you on? Fill us in!! :)


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## Anabella

Hi Monique and Renee!
I currently live in North Carolina but I sure do miss home! I'm on my 3rd cycle ttc, and I know it sounds incredibly naive but I really thought I would get pregnant on my first try...I just never realized how hard it is to get pregnant! You spend decades trying not to get pregnant, and then when you're finally ready mother nature starts dragging her feet! Oh well, after obsessing, crying, and basically driving myself crazy over the last couple of months I've decided to leave this cycle in God's hands! I like to think that the reason I haven't gotten my BFP yet is because God is brewing up the perfect gene pool mix for my little one! Also I've been trying to look at the positives in being childfree e.g. Having extra money, and keeping my figure, lol! 

In previous months I used OPKs and temped, but found the daily temping made me a little too obsessive, so skipped it this cycle and went mostly by CF. Since I was taking the laid back approach this month I don't even know what cycle day I'm on! I think I'm about 13 dpo. Also, I only squeezed in 1 BD during my fertile window so I'm hoping it was enough! 

Good to meet you both!


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## Anabella

The strangest thing just happened... After posting I started feeling AF cramps, and decided to take a test I had left over from last cycle. I just wanted to get the BFN over with, but guess what? I definitely saw 2 lines! I'm going to test again with a digi tomorrow if I can hold out that long!


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## so_anxious

Hey Annabella,

Are you kidding me? That's crazy! You totally have to tell me tomorrow what the digi says. I actually may do the digi with conception indicator again tomorrow to see if I'm at "3+" yet. I have a feeling I may not be there yet but i'd like to know before I get another HCG test on Monday.

I was totally like you as well and thought I'd get pregnant on my honeymoon, but nada. But it's so funny the month when I only get to BD twice is the cycle that I get knocked up. Imagine if your preggers this cycle too, and you only did it once. How crazy is that?

Gosh, I hope that Renee has the same luck.


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## Anabella

OMG, I am pregnant! I took a FRER, a Clearblue Easy digital, an EPT digital, and a dollar store test and all of them were positive!!! I couldnt find the digi with conception indicator at Walmart though. I wonder if theyre available here. By my calculation Im 4 weeks pregnant! Since I only had one BD its pretty easy to narrow it down! Im shocked beyond all belief that it worked this month! This was the one month since December that I didnt take prenatals, didnt temp, drank alcohol and basically did all the things youre not supposed to do while ttc! I also got up right after BDing. I was scared I had lost all the swimmers so I definitely was not expecting a BFP today! Strangely enough though, I woke up about a week ago from a deep sleep with an overwhelming, all consuming feeling of pregnancy. Weird how womens intuition works! Anyways, thanks for listening Monique, and Renee, I hope you get lucky this month to!

P.S. Monique, how do I make a ticker? I've tried, but it's not working, probably because I'm in shock and not thinking straight! I have lost my cell phone twice since getting my test results!


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## ttc1st_at_40

congrats anabella.....you getting to the dr soon to check those levels? keep us posted.

Monique--hey girl thanks for the extra special bday message... not such great news to report... I actually tested a day early as to not "ruin" my birthday... so I tested Saturday instead and it was negative... oh well... as I said I had a feeling it was... I am ok thou (natrually I wish it was a BFP) BUT...off to IVF it seems...

I knew those damn temps were staying high from this progestrone... gosh kinda tricky huh haha...I think while I am doing this IVF I should prob not even temp huh? causes the injections will be controlling my cycle and when I O etc... so really no need to temp...or maybe I will so I dont get out of the habit... so how ya feeling today girl... whens the next stop at the dr's ?


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## so_anxious

Hey Girl,

Hows it going? Did you stop taking the progesterone yet, cause your temps are still high? Well, Im very excited that your excited about the IVF. Whats the protocol or process that you have to follow? I read somewhere that they put you on birth control for a month to build your uterine lining or something like that and then they pump you full of drugs. Not sure how accurate that is.

As for temping, I guess you wouldnt need to temp, but let me tell you, I still check my temp every two days or so to make sure its still high. I know if it starts to drop, I need to get to my FS asap.

For me, Im beginning to feel like crap now. Im so freaking sleepy but just cant seem to sleep at nights. Its so bizarre. Im also feeling sick in the mornings, not like really sick, just not good. If you know what I mean. Anyhow, I went for a blood test again to check my hcg levels and at 25 dpo, my levels are 6979. Not sure if thats good or not, but the nurse did say it was great so Ill take her word for it. 

Theyve scheduled me in for a 6 week scan on Monday, April 18th, Ill be 6+2 by then I think so hopefully Ill see something on the ultrasound. At that point in time, Ill see my doctor and hell give me instructions and give me my due date. My husband wants me to give birth at his hospital which is closer to our condo, but I think my FS is with a hospital near the clinic which is across the street from me. So, Im not sure what will happen with that. Plus, Im not sure how much longer my FS will continue to see me. Id like to be able to continue to see him till I reach the 12 week mark, but who knows.

Anyhow, when do you go see your FS? Hows your hubby doing?


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## Anabella

Hi ladies,

Renee, it's so good to finally meet you! Although we hadn't yet met, I've been sending you tons of baby dust and hoping that your prayers get answered. 

Monique, sorry I've been out of touch. I started a new career as a nurse this week and have been too exhausted when I get home to do anything but find my bed. I work 10.5 to 12.5 hour days, and have been totally overwhelmed, both physically and mentally, so I haven't even been to a doctor yet. Since it was my first week on the job I was definitely uncomfortable asking for a day off, so I have to wait until next week, which is when I'll have my first day off. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Take care.


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey Anabella... good luck with the new job... so many new begginings for you all at the same time huh! good luck with seeing your dr next week, hope all checks out ok.

hey there!!! Monique....wow looks like your numbers are good right..!!! great news!!! and I certainly have my fingers crossed for ya Monday...how awesome will that be if you get to see the heart beat already!!! yayaya!!

sorry your starting to feel poppy...hopefully it gets better instead of worse if ya know what I mean :) 

So yep I stopped taking the suppositories, I actually stopped taking them on Monday... even before they called me to tell me my beta blood was a negative. I KNEW I wasnt pregnant. I usually get AF at 12dpo and I took pregnancy tests 14,15&16 DPO if a pregnancy test wasnt coming up positiive by then I knew I wasnt pregnant, and I just wanted to stop taking these suppositories so AF would come already... as it was due damn last FRIDAY and this month has been soooo long for me....I just really wanted this AF to come so I could move on with this darn IVF. So yep I took myself off them...I will for sure not do that next month!! as using those suppositories during IVF is VERY important. They say because they are taking the eggs out of you then returning them in 3 days your body doesnt know to make the progestrone itself because it doenst sense the egg in there.. (or something like that) so I WONT take myself off them early next month. 

Oh and by the way that protocol you mention I have heard of that one, but they are not doing that for me... well at least this time. That one I heard they use to try to tame down the ovaries so that you dont get any lead follicles (or something like that) not some thing I guess they feel they have to do with me... but they do say each cycle is a learning experience, so perhaps if this first month doesnt work they very well may switch things up a bit. 

Soooo I started spotting early this evening and as of 11pm tonight I got AF full fledge, I probally wont count CD1 until tomorrow though. So I am off on to my IVF cycle... go for baseline blood work and ultrasound on Friday... hoping my FSH value is low this month (would maybe mean I would produce some nice quality folicles...as ya know it is never great to get a high FSH) and that my ultrasound looks nice and clear so I can start my injections... they say 8-10 days of injections then Im off for Philly for egg retrival, then I leave the little buggers behind and hope I get some good eggs and they fertilize nicely and then I return 3 days later for them to transfer them back.... thats my story for the next several weeks... I am so excited !!! I really hope this works!! Staying optimistic, If we dont get it right the first time, hubby is on board for trying again next month... BUT OBVIOUSLY we both hope it works right the first time !!!

OH AND MONIQUE... how bout the next day after I quite the progestrone suppositories...did you see how my temp took a nose dive? so those darn things were messing with my temps as well as delaying my AF... so ya really no sense to temp next month really... but i still may?


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

So, how did the bloodwork and ultrasound go today? Are you really excited now? I guess you won't get your levels till Monday??

I guess the reaons for the suppositories is to lengthen your luteal phase right, or just increase your uterine lining. Well, at least you know it work, right. This will be a very exciting month for you and the ivf procedure will only put the best quality eggs in your uterus so the chances of it work are seriously high. Tee hee, I'm totally excited for you too. 

How everything else going? So are you taking time off work to do this ivf stuff? Does your work know what you're doing? I told my boss a month ago that I had some health issues that required me to do a number of tests. tee hee. Wait till the end of May and I tell them that I'm pregnant. My boss will be like "was that your health issue?" Whatever!! :)

So, let me tell you on Wednesday night I got a little scared cause I had some yellow mixed with brown cm. What was bizarre is that I normally get that kind of cm/spotting when I'm about to ovulate. So, I usually classify it as my ovulation spotting and the totally weird thing is that I'm right around the time that I would normally ovulate if I wasn't pregnant. Anyhow, I got a little scared about it and emailed my clinic the next day to ask what I should do. They said that I could come in on Friday (this morning) and get my ultrasound done before Monday. So, I did and thank the lord, the little one was in the right spot and had a heartbeat. It looks like the heart just started and was registering at 98 bpm. My HCG levels are now 16,240 as well. So, I have to go back on Good Friday to do another ultrasound and the heartbeat should be beating faster by then. Let's pray and hope that it does!

Renee, let me tell you, when you get knocked up this cycle, you won't believe it. Trust me! You'll be like, am I really pregnant, are you sure? I don't feel pregnant. It's totally bizarre and I know it's going to happen to you soon.... real soon.

I'm really glad that your hubby is going to do 2 IVFs sessions. Does that mean you're going to try your own eggs for both if you really need both, but I have a feeling that the first one will take!! :winkwink:


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## ttc1st_at_40

HEY GIRL!!!

Let me tell ya everytime I come on here and see your little ticker I am sooooo happy for ya!!!!

Sorry for your little scare... I cant even imagine what a worry wart I will be !!!! But obviously I am happy it all turned out well for ya... so going back this friday for another scan right!!! thats exciting... I guess they are looking for the heartbeat to be even stronger right? will ya get more blood work as well ? so ya said...ya dont even feel pregnant hmmm... has that changed yet? getting some morning sickness yet there girl?!?!?! So did ya break the news to the whole fam yet (in laws)... I think ya said you wouldnt tell them til 3 months ? thinking you guys may all be together for Easter...ya thinking on telling them then ?

So as for those progestrone supposotiries... from what I understand they are really meant to stregthen and nurious your lining... but yes they also do extend your LP so I dont know perhaps some dr's do prescribe it for that purpose as well maybe? 

As for telling people at work... I did tell my Boss only (he is a guy, but I always tell him he is 1/2 woman haha) He is a GREAT BOSS and I actually consider him a friend. I told him a few months ago, because I had to leave the office for the blood work ultrasounds I have been going through. He is very understanding as his wife was unable to have children as she had some ovary damange as a young girl. They did go to some FS visits just to confirm but then adopted (that was 10 years ago) and they adopted twins!!! So he is very empathic to my "situation" and he lets me come and go as I please... I am very very fortunate to have him as my boss or I probally wouldnt be able to do all this (testing etc) without him being on board... 

Soooo.... Went for Baseline Blood and Ultrasound on Friday&#8230; everything looked GREAT&#8230; had the BEST CD3 levels ever!!! My FSH was only 5.8 !!!!!! which is SOOOOOO AWESOME!!! Obviously no matter what it was I was continuing with IVF this cycle&#8230; but if it was high, as we know that is not a good sign, and they would have put me on a different type of protocol also probably. But it was NICE AND LOW&#8230; I was so happy, just makes me feel really confident, that I may be able to produce some quality eggs this month!!! Yayaya!! So anyway I started the injections on Friday, and went for another scan yesterday (Monday) and so far I have 6 growing follicles&#8230;and my lining is already up to a 7!!!! And it is triangular already too!! All GREAT NEWS!!! I continue the meds and will return for another scan on Thursday AM&#8230;.I am hoping I have developed a couple more to work with. As I told ya, my protocol I am on they are not looking for me to produce a ton of follicles, they are going for &#8220;quality over quantity&#8221;, but I cant help to keep thinking a little that I would like a couple to work with, as I hear horror stories that although a lot of follicles are retrieved, some are empty or never fertilized that some girls don&#8217;t even make it to transfer them back in&#8230; that happens a lot &#8230; I will be heart broken if that happens. So that&#8217;s the low down for me.


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## so_anxious

Ok, Renee, I have to tell you morning sickness sucks the big one. Holy crap, talk about feeling like crap all the time. So, I stayed home today cause I was sick to my stomach last night and haven't slept a wink plus as I got up to go to work, I was dry heaving. I feel so nauseous all the time. Right now it's 8:30pm and I feel really good, no dry heaving, no nauseousness, not sure how long this will last, but I thought I'd better post something back. 

I have to tell my boss tomorrow or next week cause I think it's affect my work now. the fact that I had to stay home for morning sickness sucks cause I have no idea how long this will last, plus when I get to work all I want to do is throw up. I have to concentrate so hard not to throw up and I barely do any work anymore. It's rough, but you know what it's going to be so worth it in the end. 

Anyhow, I go back on Friday to make sure the little one's heart is going faster, let's pray that it does. I also think I may tell my inlaws this weekend cause I have to go over there for dinner on Good Friday and if I'm still feeling sick, I really just want to lie down and I don't want anyone to talk to me, so I may have to tell them. 

I'm so happy that your boss understands and is supportive, my boss is totally weird. I think he'd be completely awkward when I tell him. He's the kind of guy that doesn't want anyone to take sick days so me being pregnant and being sick all the time will make him feel weird. Its times like this when I wish my boss was a woman.

OK, so can I just tell you that your FSH is totally awesome, that's even better than mine, which was 6. That's so insane. That will mean that they will have some seriously good eggs to use for your IVF. They may be able to get 3 really good ones to put inside you. Man, imagine you had twins or triplets. That would be the best ever!! I think your protocol is a really good one, I believe in quality over quantity as well. So, when exactly would you go for the transfer, in about a week or so? 

Oh I have to tell you this as well, are you still going to DTD with your hubby? Do they remove all your eggs or do they leave some in there to ovulate. Sorry, not too familiar with this. Anyhow, the reason why I'm asking is that the cycle that we conceived, I didn't use my Preseed at all. It was au naturale. I was going to suggest to you not to use your lubricant anymore as I think it doesn't work well for everyone. Imagine, I used Preseed for 4 months straight and then the month I stopped using it, I get knocked up. It funny cause I think my hubby may have been slightly allergic to it cause he did get that yeast infection that one time. Its so bizarre.

So, this is going to be one of the best cycles for you cause your chances of getting preggers this cycle is so bloody high. I can't wait to see what happens. :hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

oh NOOOOOO Monique!!! gosh I am sooooo sorry you are feeling so shitty!!! man!!! how did yesterday go? where ya able to make it to work ? I feel bad for you that you dont have the work environment I do....crap

thinking of ya this morning and hoping that heartbeat gets stronger today!!!!!!

yes I am so stinkin happy bout my FSH being so low... YA!!! looks like I am responding fairly good... my blood values look good, and I have a total of 6 follicles, 2 of them are probally going to be too little to use, so looks like I will problaly only have 4 to use. Have to say that makes me feel a little nervous though. I know they only wanted a few I get that, but the more I read about IVF and other girls, theres a good chance that not all 4 of them are even of good quality, so what if I only have 1 to transfer... alot of girls would cancel their cycle for that... gosh I dont know..

heres another thing!!! the way I am responding they want to do the transfer on EASTER SUNDAY!! I have to go for another ultrasound and blood work today to see how far we can stretch this. When they called me yesterday to give me instructions on what injections to say, I asked...ok is there any indication when retrival will be yet, and she said wellll we are thinking you will trigger friday and come for retrival on Sunday.... I was like EASTER?!?!? She said YEP...you have an 18mm and 17mm follicle which is perfect size to start to trigger, and if you wait to long they may disinegrate

if the transfer is on Easter Day, it is a 6 hour drive so we would leave Saturday Night, do the procedure then come home right after the procedure Sunday. Which gets us prob home around 7pm is. So I thought this through real quick and said to the girl... what if we do the transfer on Monday instead, she said wellll we could but the Dr thinks thats stretching it a bit. So I ran this past my husband, thinking we could go over his Parents on Easter like at Noon to atleast 4pm then leave straight for Philly, and do the transfer Monday. SO EITHER way it has us involved in "ruining" Easter.. we are either driving back from Philly on Easter or driving too Philly on Easter.

Now me... I could CARE LESS when it would be, BUT MY HUSBAND!! IS GOING WACKY!!! This is SOOOO IMPORTANT TO ME THAT I WOULD GO ON EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY. Sure I get it its an inconvience!! OK here is our plans for Easter... we are simply going over to him Parents thats it. And all of his sisters will show up with their family. Sure I get it family time is great.... Its not like we dont/cant see them any day of the week!! they all live within 30 mins of us. But he is like well I wanted to spend time with my family!! If we have to do this thing on Easter we are going STRAIGHT TO MY PARENTS... I said well we may not get there until 7-8pm depending on when they schedule the procedure that AM. We had a huge fight today... him telling me "ITS ALL ABOUT YOU RENEE" enough that I told him I would just cancel the whole thing... He has such a shitty attitutude about all of this... Sure I get it,he is not real big on the whole damn idea on this whole IVF thing to begin with, now he acts as though I made it happen on purpose on a very important HOLIDAY!!! Easter!! are you kiddin me (which is no big freaking HOLIDAY) WHATEVER.. oh and PS we saw his entire family last week at his neices 5 year birthday party. and MONIQUE THEY ARE NO FUN AT ALL....!! I couldnt WAIT TO LEAVE!!! uggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!


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## so_anxious

OMG, Renee, are you freaking serious? Who gives a rat's a$$ about Easter!! Doing the IVF is sooooo much more important than spending a few hours with the family that he's already seen last weekend. I think if they knew that you had to do your IVF on Easter Sunday they would be understanding. Well, I hope they would be. What the hell, man!!! 

So, is the compromise to go in for the transfer on the Monday instead of completely missing out on Sunday??? Is your hubby thinking that your selfish for wanting a child? If that's the case, then I think every single woman on the planet may be selfish too... No, it's not all about you, it's all about your baby. It's really hard to get men to understand this, isn't it!! Drives me crazy sometimes. They can be so insensitive. 

You know this cycle may be the best chance that you will ever have to have a baby especially since your FSH is so bloody low. Gosh, what a freaking mess. So, listen, I hope they're able to use all 4 eggs or at a minimum 2 eggs. Are you considering cancelling the whole procedure if they only have 1 egg for you to transfer? Gosh, these are really difficult decisions. I guess your hubby hasn't provided you with any advice on that matter, huh? Well, my dear, I really hope everything works out and your hubby stops thinking that your selfish. I'm sorry sweetheart. We just have to think happy thoughts, right!!

So, I went to the dr today and well, everything turned out good. The little one's heartbeat is much faster, it's at 134bpm. Yeah, and OMG, it grew so much, since last Friday. It's insane. I had the same ultrasound lady and she even noticed how much bigger it was. The doctor even changed my due date to Dec 8th now. I'm pretty happy, I was so freaking nervous all week thinking that the heartbeat wasn't going to be any faster or that it wouldn't grow much at all, but now my mind is at ease. Thank the lord!!

Anyhow, the dr asked me about my morning sickness and I told him it was bad, well, he said that it's only going to get worse and then he told me that he'd give me some meds. So, he gave me some Diclectin to help. I talked to my hubby about it and we decided that I'm only going to use it if it gets so bad that I start getting dehydrated. I'm trying really hard not to take any meds at all, but if push comes to shove then I'll just have to do, right? 

Whatever, I'm just happy that baby is ok and I'm thrilled that you're doing the IVF in the next couple of days. I can't wait for you to tell me how it went. You have to give me all the details. And you need to give your hubby a little slap on the cheek and tell him to snap out of it!! :hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

wow your scan was GREAT!!!! GOSH and that little bugger is growing SOOOO fast tooooo? that is so awesome Monique!!! hmmm so the Morning Sickness will only get worse...yikes... well lets just hope for the best... and girl if ya need those meds to help ya out...just take them right? or why you thinking you shouldnt? I am sure they would have to be safe for the babe right? or dr wouldnt have prescribed it right ? And hey congrats on telling the family today, that is probally going to be a GREAT moment for you!!! 

haha!! Monique you are SOOOOO right... and funny... who the hell cares about Easter. Well yes of course that is truly the day that Jesus rose again!! and I am in no way "downplaying" that... AT ALL... but hey it is not my fault that it ends up that we have to travel on that day... geeze louise!!!! 

So heres the plan, we are going to hubbys parents for a few hours 2-5 then getting right on the road for Philly which is like 6 hours... we should arrive at Midnight(ish) and I have to be at the drs at 8:45 then the retrival is at 10am!!! said we should be back on the road by noon to head back home. Then I go back over Wed night (my friend is going with me) stay over night at hotel Wed night, do transfer back on Thrusday AM then Thursday pm, we will be staying at my friends house in Harrisburg... which is 2 1/2 hours from Philly, then Friday AM I will drive home from Harrisburg which is 2 1/2 hour drive... then I wait for 12 days for a Beta.

My last ultrasound and blood work WAS GREAT!!! Said I now have 8 follicles, 4 really good ones, and 3 of which may be able to grow enough by tomorrow to be "useable" so thats what I am hoping for.

I needed to jump on here real quick and give ya the low-down haha :) so I am off to get ready for this little trip, and I'll check back in as soon as I can !! 

HAPPY EASTER... I hope you have a great day!!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Sweetheart, Gosh, I hope everything is going well and hope that the transfer goes well on Thursday. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. You have a really good plan and let's hope that your hubby is being very supportive. 

Also 8 follicles is a great number, oh man, your tww is going to drive me insane!!! 

Good luck Renee, and please let me know how it went. Okie dokie!!:hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hi There!!! ok so Egg Retrival (ER as the veteran IVFers call it) went well!!! They actually retrived 7 follicles. My hubby was so great on the ride up and the ride home. I was a little out of it on the ride home because of the anethesia...he was such a little trooper!! 

ok so I got a call this am from the Embrologist (lab techs who watch the embroys) and of the 7 follicles they retrieved 5 of them were mature (large enough to fertilize) and of the 5 mature ones.. ALL 5 OF THEM FERTILIZED!!! yAYAYAYAYAYA... SO yep they stuck in hubbys sperm and it did the trick, fertlized all 5... so thats a big hurdle to get over.

now tomorrow am they will call me again to let me know what time my ET (Egg Transfer) is on Thurdsay am, and they will also tell me how the embies are doing. The ferlitzation part is only part of it, what they are expecting is for them to grow into more cells. So they will call me in AM with that report. Hoping that all 5 of them are growing nice and strong!! I do know that chances are that all 5 of them wont make it until Thursday so I know that going into to it... but NATURALLY I am hoping all are ok..then again they have one more day to get stronger before the transfer on Thursday... oh gosh today has been sooooo stressfulll... all I can think of is my little embroys trying to grow!! GROW LITTLE EMBIES GROW!!!! 

They did say on Thursday they would transfer a max of 3 embies back into me!! Also something to note they said everything looks great!! but to keep in mind even though they were able to be fertilized and they will transfer them back in... that certainly doesnt guarantee %100 that I will be pregnant, as they can not tell the quality of the embie naturally until I become pregnant with them and not miscarry. If for some reason I dont become pregnant or if I miscarry they will blame it on the "quality" of the egg... same as a naturally pregnancy... just have to wait out the TWW... then carry to term.... but ya know what Monique this is the best shot I have had yet... I dont even know if I have been able to get a embie fertlized to begin with... so this is soooooo exciting..!!! I will be leaving for Philly tomorrow afternoon, staying over night at my Friends in Harrisburg on Thursday.. I will be on bed rest so I will try to jump on here and let ya know how many of those little buggers made it and how the transfer was... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SAY PRAYERS FOR ME AND MY EMBIES!!!!


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## so_anxious

OMG, I totally hope they have 3 eggs for you to transfer. That would be totally awesome. Imagine if all 3 took as well, you'd have triplets. Wow, crazy huh! Well, I am praying to got that at least 1 sticks. I'm so excited for you that your eggs were able to fertilize, and why shouldn't they? Your FSH was amazing this cycle. 

So are you going to be on best rest for the whole tww? I've heard that a lot of women take vacation during that time to help. Renee, I know this has to work for you this time. It's going to work. 

I'm also thrilled that hubby has been supportive and did his "job". Yeah for hubby!! 

OMG, so I'm totally totally excited for you right now and this TWW is going to be insane for me as well. I can't wait for you to get preggers. It's going to be so much fun, well not the morning sickness but who cares about that if you're preggers, right!! Yippee!!

Good luck sweetie!!:hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hello there!!!! just wanted to check in real quick with ya.... SOOOOO here I am in my TWW.... they transfered 3 beutiful little embies back to me on Thursday. (the other 2 just didnt make it:( So the 3 we got...they were good quality from what I understand but they were actually a little smallish... they like them all to be appx 8 cells each to give better chance of implantation. But my 3 were a 6 cell and two 4 cells... so yep a little tiny...but they said they have seen embies at this size still implant beautifully. So we shall see. This is litteraly going to be the LONGEST two weeks ever. Well actually I guess it isnt even really 2 weeks because I go for Beta test next Monday... I may very well take a HPT next Sat or Sun though : ) 

as for taking time off work....after IVF Transfer they really do not prescribe you to be on extended rest, just the 1st two days they like you to rest and stay off your feet a bit....but other than that you then just return to "normal" activities, but just no lifting anything over 15 lbs, no sex, no crazy exercising... thats about it... Fortunately for me I was actually on Night Support all last week... when I do that I actually can work from home, so I dont go into the office at all. So the timing work out perfect for me....I didnt have to take any days off at all... cause we drove over to philly during the day, and the procedures were all done during the day of course, and I was on call at night...so yep no wasting any vacation days !! 

so tell me how ya feeling girl!!! and ok from your signature thinging shows your going for your 3rd scan on Friday ? soooo what are they looking for there... just for the heartbeat to get stronger ? anything else they like to see ?


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## so_anxious

Dude, Im going to freaking check on Saturday and Sunday to see what your results are. Im so glad that they were able to get 3 eggs transferred. I dont think the 6 cell eggs are a problem either. I totally forgot that they eggs are already 5 days old??? Or 3 days old??? Anyhow, yeah, it really isnt a tww. This is so very exciting. :hugs:

You have to tell me right away what your HPT gives you. Yikes!!! 

Wow, Im glad you didnt have to take off any vacation days, that really works out well for you. Usually in my TWW, I dont do a damn thing, I actually have done a damn things since I got my BFP. My hubby has been really really terrific about it.

So, I feel like crap all day and all night. Ive been so sick too, I missed 2 days of work last week. Its really bad. Morning sickness sucks the big one. Its not fun at all. I hope you dont get it too bad, but my doctor keeps telling me, Im glad your having it!! I guess it just means that the pregnancy is going well. Whatever. I know people that dont have it so bad and they have perfectly healthy babies. Anyhow, now my back has started to hurt but that could be from the constipation. Man, let me tell you about constipation. Ive started to eat prunes cause I am plugged up like you wouldnt believe. Gosh, I shouldnt complain cause Id do anything for the little one.

As for my next scan, my dr just wants to check me out every 2 weeks. I think its routine for the fertility clinics cause most of the women that get pregnant while on treatment need to be monitored real closely. So my dr told me that I can come see him every 2 weeks to make sure that everythings ok. He also told me that if anything weird happens in between the 2 weeks, that I can come by and get checked out. Remember, its free in Canada to have all these blood tests and ultrasounds, right, so you can go everyday if you wanted to. The dr said as long as the babys heart rate is between 110-160 then were good. I heard a wives tale that if the heart rate is in the lower part of the range, then its a boy and if its higher than its a girl. So, about a week ago it was 135bpm so well see if its gotten any faster, but Im not too concerned about that. Im just still scared about a missed miscarriage. I mean the fact that Im having morning sickness should be a good thing, but theres that one or two hours during the day where I dont feel sick and thats when I worry and think that something is wrong if Im not sick to my stomach. 

Yeah, these are the wonderful things youll be thinking about next week when you get your BFP. First you freak out cause youre not getting pregnant fast enough, then you freak out about miscarrying, I think my next freak out will start when they start doing the tests for like downs syndrome. I need to calm my a$$ down. 

Anyhow, my waistline is getting bigger and my pants are getting tight around my wait. I also feel very uncomfortable wearing bikini underwear, so Ive resorted to the old a$$ granny underwear. Its so sad!! :(


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey there Monique good luck with your scan tomorrow!!! hope that little bean is doing GREAT!!! 

that is awesome, it seems they will be watching you so closely... I know some of my friends would have LOVED to get scanns every week when they were preggers.... I know they had to wait months between scanns!! and yours are also all paid for !! thats a double bonus!!! 

gosh I am feeling so bad for your horrible morning sickness.. if its this bad is it only gonna get worse? or when can ya expect it to let up? have you given in and started takin the meds the dr gave ya ?

and your sooooo right..... I know once I become pregnant... that that will NOT be the end of the stress/worrying... I know myself that every single day I will worry about miscarrying... damn my chance of miss carrying is higher than my chance of getting pregnant in the first place... life just doesnt seem fair!!! 

ok as for me... this TWW is really the worst EVER...not too many symptoms to even mention to be honest... I am on 3 progestrone vag-suppositories a day, which are known to give ya some pretty severe AF/Pregnancy type symptoms... so I yep I am feeling little cramps and twinges here and there...... but these are the same "things" I have felt the last several months I was taking these suppositores....so not feeling any thing different this month really....I am staying Positive though!! and really hoping and praying each night that this is my month!!! my Beta blood test is next Tuesday...but I may go in on Monday instead. Because I just cant wait any longer hehehe!!! I may do a home pregnancy test this weekend at some point...maybe on Sunday (mothers day...that would be a nice day to test huh?)


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Waz up girl??? So, my scan did go pretty good. The little one's heart is getting so fast now, it's 169bpm. It also looks like a little person, it's too cute. I have to go for an NT scan on May 26th to check for Down's syndrome and other stuff. I also have an OB now who wanted to see me on May 27th but my FS said that he still wants to see me till June 11th, then the OB can take over. So, I guess my OB appointment will be rescheduled.

So, my dear, don't worry about symptom spotting. The only thing I had differently was some cramping around 3-6dpo, which I never had before. It was weird to, the cramping was almost like very very mild labour pains. Although, I don't know what labour pains feel like, but the cramps came like every 5 minutes or so, does that make sense. Anyhow, that was one clue, the second clue was at 9dpo when I thought I was dying in my sleep cause my boobs hurt so much that I thought I was having a heart attack or something. Besides those 2 things, I didn't have anything other symptoms. So, all that stuff you hear about increased cm, blue veins on boobs, etc... never happened to me. 

Ok, so when you get your BFP this weekend, I pray to God that your morning sickness isn't as bad as mine. Renee, girl, it's so bad. This morning I drove to my FS and was suppose to go to work after but as I was driving I threw up on myself like 5 times. Thank God, it was only Gatorade that I threw up so it wasn't that nasty but I hauled my ass to get the ultrasound done and then I drove myself home. So, I've only been at work twice this week and today I was suppose to go in to get my laptop so I can work from home. No way in hell was I going in with vomit all over myself. I have taken the meds my doctor gave me but they're sedatives so I can only take them when I'm not at work. Gosh, the things we do for our children!! :) 

Well, girl, I'm praying for you to get a BFP. You're going to be such a wonderful mommy!! That would be the best Mother's Day Gift ever!! :happydance:


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## ttc1st_at_40

ok so no good news to report... got a confirmed negative today via my beta and AF showed up this afternoon as well :( 

I actually took a couple HPT over the weekend, so I was prepped for the call today when they sadly reported we werent sucessfull...

I am very very sad... but luckly we had already decided to immediately start with another cycle if this one didnt work... and since AF came this afternoon... I go for my first CD3 blood work and ultrasound on Wednesday... here we go again !!! hoping for some nice CD3 hormone levels like last month.... 

nice to hear your little bean has a nice strong heart!! thats awesome news. Hoping that morning sickness is letting ya get to work this week!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Sweetheart,

I'm sooo sooo sorry sweetie. I thought for sure this was going to be it. I know you're so sad, I feel for you huni. So, are you still going to proceed with the same protocol. Is there a reason why it didn't take? Was it because the eggs weren't at 8 cells or whatever they call it? 

How's your hubby doing? I know this is a huge disappointment for you hun, but you know it's going to happen for you, I know it, Ok!! :hugs:

Listen, don't worry about my morning sickness, that's nothing, I can deal with that, this is your time now and we are going to focus on getting your pregnant. Okie dokie!! 

Please know that I'm praying for you and I'm sending you tons of baby dust. :dust:


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## ttc1st_at_40

hey there Monique... just checkin in.... been off the boards for a while... all this TTC is starting to get to me... I was unable to start up my 2nd IVF as planned this cycle, as my CD3 Ultrasound, showed I had 3 left over cycst from last month. From what I am told that is common with IVF, and I need to skip a month to get them to pass, and generally they do pass with 1 cycle. Lets hope so...so that I can start in June... so this month I am not doing much... I did go for an HSG test today. My tubes are clear and the radiologist told me that I have a T shaped uterus, which is an abnormality, he said women definately get pregnant with a T shape but it is can also contribute to early miscarriages or pre-term labor. I will know more once my Doc actually reviews the films. I have a phone consult with him on Wednesday so I am sure we will chat about that. 

Ya so a little disappointed this month, I believe the Dr will just have me use OPKs this month and send me for a few more ultrasounds so that we can "time intercourse" , then use the projestrone suppositires during my TWW. Only problem with moving on to IVF next month is ...who knows exactly when I will ovulate this month and then when will AF may come, and I am in a wedding the first week of July... so if AF comes too late in June I will not be able to start an IVF cycle until maybe August....ughhh... little sad and disappointed right now Monique... please pray for my patience and for me to try to keep up-spirited....thats not where I am today though unfortnately.....

hope you are doing well...gosh I cant believe you are over 10 weeks already... gosh tell me hows the morning sickness...hoping it is getting better....


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## so_anxious

Hi Sweetheart,

How are you feeling now? Do those cysts hurt? Have they checked them again yet to see if they are going away? It may be a good idea to take a rest in between IVFs anyhow. 

So, I'm really happy that the HSG said that your tubes are clear, and I think I've heard about the T shaped uterus as well. Let me know what your dr says today.

Ah man, about the wedding, that kinda sucks too. I'm really sorry sweetie that this isn't going the way you'd like. Please know that I am praying for you every day, all I want is for you to be happy. :hugs:

As for me, I'm on sick leave now cause I've been going into work but I've been throwing up at my desk and running to the washroom to throw up. It's becoming so violent that I'm now throwing up bile. It's horrible. So, my boss told me to stay home and take it easy. I'm on short term disability so I'll still get paid for 3 months, but I'm hoping that it's gets better within 3 weeks, around the end of the first trimester and beginning of second trimester.

Tell me, how is everything else in your life going for you?


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## so_anxious

Hi Renee,

How are you sweetheart? I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you're doing ok. Let me know how you're doing when you get a chance. Okie dokie.

Thinking of you!! :hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hey there Monique!!! yep its me your "long lost friend" been thinking bout ya, hoping your pregnancy is going great. Wow 13 weeks already... how fast time has flown huh?...so your siggy says you had a 3d scan... that is super cool. Hows the morning sickness ? getting any releive yet?

I Have to apoligize, have not been on here at all lately, I have stopped virtually all TTC "googling", as I have spent the last year doing all that research and driving myself nutz trying to learn all I can about having a baby...so have tried to give it a rest so to speak. I feel I have learned all I need to learn, researched all I need to research on TTC myths/tips...REs..procedures...supplement...positions... days to DTD etc... now all I need to do now is get pregnant. I have however continue to take my temp and logg it into fertility friend via my iphone, but other than that I virtually have ceased all TTC computer crap. But I wanted to stop on here and say hello to you as you have been on my mind. I also have another group of girls that I need to check in on too..(the ones who all are pregnant except me:( ) but I wanted you to know I am wishing you the best!!!!!! I certainly havent given up on having a baby !! and I hope that day doesnt come as it will be very hard for me to handle to be honest. So this month is all natural with some progestrone supp in the the TWW. Next month we still havent decided what we are going to do...still contimplating going to Philly again for an IVF, or maybe starting up with the Cleveland Clinic. Both as you know cost a lot of $$, and Cleveland is twice the amount as Philly....but they also have a doubled sucess rate... so I will keep you posted.

Oh p.s. me and hubby celebrated our 1st anniversary last night, we had a nice date night out on the town....gosh I love him so much ~!!!


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

Sorry, it's taken so long to get back to you, I'm still super sick. The morning sickness is really getting to me now. My doctor has doubled my dose but now I'm super sleepy. Ah well, I'll get over it.

So, my dear, how are you doing these days? Are you going to try the IVF again? I know it sucks not to be pregnant now. It took me 6 months to get pregnant and my friend whose 30 took 2 months to get pregnant. So now she's like 1 month behind me. Let me tell you if she had gotten pregnant before me, I would have probably lost it. I don't think men understand how much this means to women. 

Don't worry about this forum anymore, if you like I can email you directly so you don't have to come on here. I don't like coming on here either. It can get extremely depressing at times. 

So, how's your hubby dealing with all this? You mentioned you had your 1st anniversary recently, that must have been exciting. Mine is on August 28th. 

Hey, have you done any other testing or considered using donor eggs or even adoption. I'm seriously considering adoption now. Even if I have another child naturally, I'd like to help another child out and there seems to be a lot of children in my area that are in need of some parents. It's a really hard decision though, especially when you'd like to exhaust all options first to try and have your own child.

Well, my dear, I wish my sister-in-law was more open about how she had her daughter. I think I mentioned to you that we know for sure she had help but we're not entirely sure if she used her own eggs or donor eggs. 

So, please let me know how it's going, you can email me directly if you like. Not sure if you have my email address anymore, but I can send it to you if you like.

OK, my dear, I hope to hear from you. :hugs:


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hello There Girl.... just checking in on ya..... hows that bump coming along.

sooooo sorry I have not been on here. I certainly did not abandon you, it just became a very very hard time for me so I discontinued getting on line and obsessing about EVERYTHING. 

We still have been trying though.... tried a couple more IVF cycles but I didnt not respond well to the drugs so they were converted to IUIs, in a TWW right now. But who knows.... I am quite depressed now a days thinking it will never happen, but I still have some slight hope.

I really truely hope you are having a great pregnancy. You guys know what your having yet? any names picked out ?


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## so_anxious

Hey Renee,

OMG, I'm so happy you posted. I've been kinda worried about you. I know that it's a little tough getting on here and hearing that everyone is preggers, but I'm glad you did.

Yeah, I have a bump now, I look seriously preggers but guess what, I'm still sick. I have the Hypermesis Gravidarum or something like that. It's some severe form of morning sickness. It's been crazy. I have all kinds of things happening to me. I have B12 defiency, a UTI and whenever I try to eat, I get a horrible rash on my chin that keeps getting worse. So, the pregnancy has been quite rough on me. I'm still not at work, my doctor just wants me to rest up and do nothing.

So, every once in a while, I've been trying to check up on you and your fertility friend tracker to see if you've had any luck. I know it's been rough for you but I'm really happy that you're still trying. How's your TWW going for you? Have you thought about see a therapist to help you with your depression. I've also been quite depressed cause I'm so sick all the time, my OB has forced me to see a therapist. It's kind of helpful cause you can talk about things that you can't necessarily talk to your hubby or even friends and family. Anyhow, that's just my 2 cents. :) :hugs:

So, I still don't know the sex of the baby, my baby is very shy and keeps hiding from the ultrasound technician, so they can't tell the sex of the baby. I don't think I'll ever know anyhow. I had to go for genetic counselling cause I'm 36 years old and I have sickle cell, so they offered me an amniocentesis but I declined cause the preliminary tests that I had down for chromosoma abnormalities showed that the baby had a 1 in 14,000 chance. Anyhow, the amnio would have told us the sex too but I didn't want the amnio. Didn't seem like I needed one anyhow and the way I was feeling, I just didn't even want to put the baby at any risk of miscarrying. 

Good Lord, girl, when you get pregnant, I sure hope you have a comfortable pregnancy. It's been hell so far for me, but I'd go through hell and back for my little one, right!!

How's your hubby holding up? Have you guys gone on any trips or vacations? Maybe you should consider going away? Sometimes that's when women get pregnant!! :)


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## ttc1st_at_40

Hi There Monique...
hope your doing well. I think of you often and hope everything is going well with your pregnancy. Hows the morning sickness...hopefully by this time it has passed ??

nothing really new at all to report with me. I havent been on this site for AGES... but wanted to log on today to check on you. So did you guys find out what your having yet, or you gonna keep it as a surprise? 

hubby and I are still trying...looks like its been a little over a year now with no luck, we went to a consult for Donor Egg, not quite sure if we will go that route or not, I went through all the preliminary testing for it and have been excepted into their program, hubby is still struggling with it. Although obviously using a Donor Egg would have NEVER EVER been my first choice, it appears now it may be our ONLY choice for me to be able to have any children. Hubby just hasnt come to gripps with the whole Donor Egg concept and doesnt like the idea too much that in essence the child would be 1/2 someone elses genetics and 1/2 his. Again I would love to have a child that was biologically mine, but that looks like it may never happen. He is thinking about it, and gosh I am so proud of him, he really has come a long long way. From first not even want to do IUIs then NOT wanting to do IVFs and at the end of the day he agreed to BOTH!! so who knows if he may eventually agree to this, if/when he does I hope it is SOON!! HAHA. 

Again I sure hope you check in to let me know how your doing. oh and I cant seem to find your email address..I was gonna just send you an email but I couldnt find it...maybe I have to look back through this thread several pages... lots of hugs and kisses to you!!!


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## Anabella

Just thought I'd poke my head in on all the old threads I had posted on. Best of luck to you, Renee. I hope you get your bundle, no matter how. Monique, sorry you're still feeling so miserable. I'll PM you soon.:flower:


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## so_anxious

Hi Renee,

Im so glad that you posted, Ive been thinking about you a lot as well. Even the hubby reminded me of you when he was talking about football the other day. Im sad to say that I still have morning sickness and its going to stay with me till this little one pops out. Ah well, what can you do? I did go back to work today but only on a part time and trial basis. Well see what happens. I still dont know what were having, this child is very shy and just love to hide, so well have to wait till its birthday.

So, I usually check up on your FF chart to see how youre doing, but Ive noticed that it hasnt been updated in a while. Im glad that youre still trying. I still think youll be able to have a child, maybe not in the usual traditional way, but as you said, if your hubby is open to trying some new things, I think it will work out for you. I know that using a donor egg is going to be a little tough to deal with, but hey I say even if biologically its not your own egg, who cares, right!! The baby still needs blood, and nutrients and all that other stuff and itll take it from you, so I still have some of your genes per se!! Do you know what I mean? Anyhow, you just have to make sure you find a donor egg that kind of resembles you so that your hubby doesnt get to weirded out by the concept. He has come a long way from when we first started talking so I think youve worn him down!! 

Anyhow, Ill send you a private message with my email address so we can talk that way. Okie dokie. Please let me know if your hubby finally decides to go the donor egg route. Im excited to hear the process. Lots of hugs and kisses for you too!! :hugs:


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