# A little bit unusual adoption question



## Skywalker

Hello! My first born is a little over 2 years old. His biological father was abusive, punching me in the stomach to try to end the pregnancy, there was mental/emotional and sexual abuse as well as threats of kidnapping our son, etc. He is not a US citizen and lives in a country the US cannot enforce child support laws on and he has never paid a penny of child support. He has stated multiple times he does not want custody and he has never pursued visitation. He is very wealthy and COULD easily pay child support or even send diapers or actual baby products but he doesn't and never has, not even once. 

I have since remarried and my husband wants to adopt my first born as his own legal son, partially so that we can just be a family and also because we fear that since my son's biological father is not on the birth certificate and REFUSES to get on the birth certificate, he is not a legal guardian, and as my husband is only my son's step-father through marriage, we aren't sure if he's also not a legal guardian. We saw an NCIS episode where a father went missing and his eleven year old son was taken from the house the father and step-mother were raising him in because the step-mother was not his actual legal guardian. We fear that in the unlikely event that something ever happened to me that our son would be taken away from my husband because my husband isn't listed as a legal guardian. 

We've come to an impasse in the adoption process because EVEN THOUGH my son's biological father is not on the birth certificate and has been 100% negligent the entire time, the court is STILL making me either obtain his signature on a paternity waiver, OR is going to make us go through a complicated process of performing a search for him in the county of his last known address, which as he lives internationally gets expensive for us very quickly, and then prove that we've tried to locate him, and then wait for the court to give us permission to publish a legal notice that we intend to have my husband adopt my son for 4 weeks (again, something we have to pay for and which adds time to the process) and THEN once we prove that my son's biological father still hasn't responded, THEN we can move forward. 

I am in the process of contacting family law lawyers because I don't feel I should have to go through all this added expense and time (especially since I'm 35 weeks pregnant with baby #2 in just a few days and I really don't want to be dealing with all of this jumping through hoops) but does anyone have any advice on what I could do? Thanks!


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## missk1989

Your husband can have legal guardianship without having to adopt your son. Not sure how you go about it but your solicitor should be able to advise.


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