# At Breaking Point



## MiaIrvingB

Cannot cope with bullying and blackmail. I'm in a long legal battle over my one year old son, typical scenario, his dad cleared off, I brought him up for a year, now he's demanding to take my son every weekend.
I'm scared and I feel very alone. Any advice please?
I hate the thought of him having my son.


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## Beanonorder

Is he on the birth certificate? If he isn't then he has no rights anyway. He first has to prove paternity and all that. 
I'm not sure where you are but where I'm from in order to get any visitation rights he would have to backpay child support for the last year and then also start regularly paying now. He also can't just demand every single weekend, unless you aren't working when do you get time with him?
You need to get yourself a lawyer so you can sort this out as soon as possible. 
As a side note, and I know this is hard and controversial, but I don't think you should try and stop your son ever seeing him. I understand he buggered off for a year and you did all the hard work. Unless he is abusive or drug addict I think you need to give your son the chance to make up his own mind about his father. And yes, I know its not easy. But the fact is you need to keep your relationship and feelings about FOB separate from your son's relationship with him.


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## Karren

Is he on the birth certificate?


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## MiaIrvingB

No he's not x


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## Beanonorder

Well then you can relax for the moment. He has absolutely no rights and can't make any demands.


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## Karren

MiaIrvingB said:


> No he's not x

Thats good news then, as of now, he has absolutely ZERO rights to the child, he can't do a tap until he gets his rights established in court, relax for the while and know that all his "demands" he is making is just pure bull shit, he doesn't have a leg to stand on.


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## alibaba24

If hes not on the birth certificate he first needs to get himself on it . which requires dna tests and he has to take you to court to even get on it. where im from anyway then he must take you to court again for acess. your son would probably be 2 years old before he was even granted access If he was . Im pretty sure he will get some access but he cannot think he can saunter into court and demand him for the weekend and assume it will be granted


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## CandyDay

Is there a specific reason you don't want your LO to see his dad? Or is it just you don't think every weekend is reasonable?


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## MiaIrvingB

Every weekend is not reasonable.
Also his father needs to accept that he needs to get to know his son on a gradual basis rather than just taking him away.
My son does not know his father, and because he is still essentially a baby it wouldn't be fair on him to suddenly separate him from me.
I also hate his dad for walking out on us, but I am trying to not let this my hatred get in the way.


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## Dezireey

I think that this is a tactic to just see if he can bully you personally into giving him your son every weekend without the hassle of going to court. Stand your ground and let him know if he wants access he must go through a legal process. Sometimes this is enough for them to back off, once he realises what effort he has to go to. To be honest, if he pushes forward and gets courts involved and somewhere down the line he gets access, at least you will know he was determined to see his son and put that sort of effort in. If he is just flaky and mouthing off, he won't bother with the hassle of paternity testing and court etc.


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## Ceejay123

I've just had this conversation with a deadbeat dad that I know. If it goes through court and you disputed it - he will NOT get every weekend (this guy argued that completely) . They teach at parenting classes and solicitors will tell you that both parents are entitled to weekend time. He would be likely to eventually get alternate weekends and evenings in the week, but after time. Both weekends is unrealistic x


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