# Does one ever get over a Cesarean?



## Lina

It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?:cry:


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## chuck

Check your PM's hun.

X


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## tannembaum

I found talking about it helped so much!! I guess I was lucky (in a way) that it effected OH almost as much as me and we talk about it quite a lot.

If you ever need to chat feel free to PM me :)


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## modo

I am still not over it but time has made it a lot better. I still blame myself but only in times of weakness. I blame my consultant a lot more.


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## Quackquack99

I know how you feel, 4 months on I still don't say that I've given birth. Doesn't feel like it at all.


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## Pinkorblue11

:hugs:

Time and support made a huge difference for me. I hope when you are ready, you'll find supportive people you can talk to. :flower:


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## madasa

I am so sorry. I have never been through it, so I don't feel I can be very helpful, but I didn't want to read and run. Please be gentle with yourself and let yourself grieve the birth you wanted and didn't have. :flower:

It might help to contact other mums who also had a CS.... have you been to the ICAN website? https://www.childbirth.org/section/ICAN.html

This is a nice article from a mother who had a CS - if you are ready to read it? 
https://thestir.cafemom.com/baby/130471/im_proud_of_my_csection

Wishing you peace and healing! x


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## Lina

Thank you all for your kind replies. I have been talking about it for 7 months now and no one understands so I have stopped talking. I honestly do not see me ever getting over this, perhaps having another baby naturally may help but I cannot envisage that atm.


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## clarsair

Time has been what's helped me most. I also couldn't really talk to anyone, DH would get exasperated and uncomfortable. I still struggle to hold back the tears sometimes now but I don't feel as much pain over it now - I'm starting to move on I think. I did order my notes, which helped a bit, but I'm not sure if/when I'll get past the thoughts of 'if only I had/hadn't etc..'.


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## tannembaum

Lina said:


> Thank you all for your kind replies. I have been talking about it for 7 months now and no one understands so I have stopped talking. I honestly do not see me ever getting over this, perhaps having another baby naturally may help but I cannot envisage that atm.

Part of me thinks thats why we TTC when DD was 7 months old.
I NEEDED to give birth, its a very weird thing to try and explain though :shrug:


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## Lina

tannembaum said:


> Lina said:
> 
> 
> Thank you all for your kind replies. I have been talking about it for 7 months now and no one understands so I have stopped talking. I honestly do not see me ever getting over this, perhaps having another baby naturally may help but I cannot envisage that atm.
> 
> Part of me thinks thats why we TTC when DD was 7 months old.
> I NEEDED to give birth, its a very weird thing to try and explain though :shrug:Click to expand...

I don't think this is weird at all. I have thought of this myself but as DS is still a erratic sleeper and generally unhappy with relfux, wind, I just could not handle another. How has your second pregnancy affected your scar? This is another thing that worries me when I do get pregnant.


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## Lina

clarsair said:


> Time has been what's helped me most. I also couldn't really talk to anyone, DH would get exasperated and uncomfortable. I still struggle to hold back the tears sometimes now but I don't feel as much pain over it now - I'm starting to move on I think. I did order my notes, which helped a bit, but I'm not sure if/when I'll get past the thoughts of *'if only I had/hadn't etc..'.*



This bolded bit is what torments me. If only I had walked more then maybe induction could have been avoided, if only I consented to the sweeps offered and used all manner of things to safely kick start labour, if only I hadn't been scaremongered into CFM and refused to be told to lie on my back, etc etc.


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## tannembaum

I'm assuming it was your first pregnancy??
It was my first pregnancy and even though my instincs were telling me what they were doing was wrong I listened to the Drs/MWs as they are the professionals.
I did feel bad about going against my feelings BUT at the end of the day if I hadn't listened and something happened to my baby I would feel a lot worse.

With this pregnancy I have gone in a lot more informed and I feel a lot more confident in saying NO to things that I have done research on and feel aren't needed. I've had a little bit of stomach pain this time due to the scar tissue but as far as I am aware there is no problem with my actual scar (there is 9 months between pregnancies)


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## TunechisMom

Lina said:


> It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?:cry:

I have had 2 c-sections and am actually looking forward to my 3rd. Sadly, I can't say that I can relate to how you're feeling because I believe that when a woman conceives, carries and nourishes a growing baby for 9 months, REGARDLESS how the baby had to come out, she has given birth and fulfilled a purpose. I agree with all the others that believe that you should bask yourself in the joy of knowing that 1) you were able to produce and have a live birth child as there are so many women that are struggling or just simply can not do it and 2) that you have beautiful baby boy that is alive and well. How would you have felt if they didn't do the EMCS and then something happened to the baby or worse, the baby didn't make it? Could you even imagine a day without your baby boy? I'm sure you couldn't. 

:growlmad:

It angers that people have this perception that because you didn't give birth naturally, it makes you less of a woman. NOT AT ALL ! Birthing is defined as being: the emergence and separation of offspring from the body of the mother NOT when a woman pushes a baby out of her vagina.

:nope:

I hope all works out well for you and eventually you can get past what it is that you're going thru,

Audrey ! 

:flower:


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## SugarFairy

Sending you hugs sweetie. I didn't have a c section, I had episotomy and forceps, but I still feel like I lost out on what should have been a wonderful experience. I had a epidural after 12 hours of labour at 7cms dilated. It took another 13 hours for him to arrive. I was totally out of it. The epidural made me sick, light headed, shakey and didn't fully work so was a waste of time. But even before the epidural they made me lie on my back, strapped to monitors - we weren't high risk so there really was no need for this. I won't go on, it was a horrible experience and I wish I'd been in control. At first I thought I was fine, even declined talking it over with my midwife cos I didn't think I needed to, but now I think I'd like to go through it in detail. In the New Year I think I'll be requesting a meeting to go through my notes. I'm hoping it'll help talking to a professional in medical terms. My DH was terribly effected by it all and when he mentions it I get sad, I can't talk to him about it. My BF is on BnB so I know she sometimes reads my posts but still I feel unable to talk to her about it. My Mum has no idea and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about it anyway. But - I'm rambling! Sorry. Just so you know you're not alone. I'm still thinking about mine too x


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## Lina

TunechisMom said:


> Lina said:
> 
> 
> It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?:cry:
> 
> I have had 2 c-sections and am actually looking forward to my 3rd. Sadly, I can't say that I can relate to how you're feeling because I believe that when a woman conceives, carries and nourishes a growing baby for 9 months, REGARDLESS how the baby had to come out, she has given birth and fulfilled a purpose. I agree with all the others that believe that you should bask yourself in the joy of knowing that 1) you were able to produce and have a live birth child as there are so many women that are struggling or just simply can not do it and 2) that you have beautiful baby boy that is alive and well. How would you have felt if they didn't do the EMCS and then something happened to the baby or worse, the baby didn't make it? Could you even imagine a day without your baby boy? I'm sure you couldn't.
> 
> :growlmad:
> 
> It angers that people have this perception that because you didn't give birth naturally, it makes you less of a woman. NOT AT ALL ! Birthing is defined as being: the emergence and separation of offspring from the body of the mother NOT when a woman pushes a baby out of her vagina.
> 
> :nope:
> 
> I hope all works out well for you and eventually you can get past what it is that you're going thru,
> 
> Audrey !
> 
> :flower:Click to expand...

It is a misconception that just because a woman is unhappy with her birth she must also be unhappy with her child, the two are completely independent and equally important. If you look at the definition of birth it actually refers to the emergence by natural means. Having a healthy baby does not negate my personal feelings regarding my birth. Your post is unhelpful and the reason why many women suffer in silence.


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## TunechisMom

Lina said:


> TunechisMom said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Lina said:
> 
> 
> It has been 7 months since my unnecessary emcs, and it feels like it happened yesterday. Never has something affected me like this experience has. The mere mention of anything relating to pregnancy/birth repulses me and causes me great emotional distress. I am not ready to seek help as I struggle to talk without choking with tears. My DH is fed up with my constant lamenting and my mother just says that I should be lucky that I have a healthy thriving baby boy and more or less blames me for ending up in theatre. When, if at all do these feelings go away?:cry:
> 
> I have had 2 c-sections and am actually looking forward to my 3rd. Sadly, I can't say that I can relate to how you're feeling because I believe that when a woman conceives, carries and nourishes a growing baby for 9 months, REGARDLESS how the baby had to come out, she has given birth and fulfilled a purpose. I agree with all the others that believe that you should bask yourself in the joy of knowing that 1) you were able to produce and have a live birth child as there are so many women that are struggling or just simply can not do it and 2) that you have beautiful baby boy that is alive and well. How would you have felt if they didn't do the EMCS and then something happened to the baby or worse, the baby didn't make it? Could you even imagine a day without your baby boy? I'm sure you couldn't.
> 
> :growlmad:
> 
> It angers that people have this perception that because you didn't give birth naturally, it makes you less of a woman. NOT AT ALL ! Birthing is defined as being: the emergence and separation of offspring from the body of the mother NOT when a woman pushes a baby out of her vagina.
> 
> :nope:
> 
> I hope all works out well for you and eventually you can get past what it is that you're going thru,
> 
> Audrey !
> 
> :flower:Click to expand...
> 
> It is a misconception that just because a woman is unhappy with her birth she must also be unhappy with her child, the two are completely independent and equally important. If you look at the definition of birth it actually refers to the emergence by natural means. Having a healthy baby does not negate my personal feelings regarding my birth. Your post is unhelpful and the reason why many women suffer in silence.Click to expand...

GENUINELY, I apologize that my post was unhelpful for you. The two may be independent BUT its easy to assume such when you've spent the last 7 months since giving birth waddling in this issue with the way you brought this baby into the world. I made sure to look at many different definitions before posting and I haven't found one that says anything about natural means but I will keep looking. Its not my purpose to be argumentative and because no two people think alike or act totally the same, its only right that the way I handled my c-sections (the 1st was emergency due to cord being wrapped around my baby's neck and the other was repeat) is different from yours. I was so happy to have my son and for the worries of being pregnant to be over that I didn't even have time to think about the surgery honestly. 

Again, I do apologize and being in silence most definitely won't help... Perhaps more time and talking about it without such sensitive persons (such as myself) when it comes to c-sections making women feel less than such or women reveling in depression or feeling like something is wrong with them because they couldn't deliver vaginally voicing their opinion because this is a very touchy subject for me. Perhaps I should stay away from these types of threads because I always end up being overly defensive.

I apologize.


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## Lina

It is not that I 'couldn't' delivery naturally, but simply that I wasn't given the time to deliver naturally. In my case it was not a failure to deliver naturally that has so affected me it was the strict hospital timetable policy that dictated my care and robbed me to my detriment. Why do you have the right to be happy about your birth and I cannot be unhappy about mine?


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## Angel2Fire

I felt like this for a long time. My little boy is 2 1/2 now. I still wish I had been able to give birth normally and really hope I can with this one.

I used to blame myself a lot, and feel really guilty. I don't really know what to say to help, but I do think its something you can come to terms with eventually.

Good luck and I'm here if you ever want to chat x


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## chuck

There are only 17 months between my boys and I never got so much as a twinge in my scar throughout the 2nd pregnancy.

My unhappiness with how the birth centre and hospital were so constrained by policy and time tables made me plan a home birth.

Best thing I ever did, I was in control, I was relaxed and it was awesome. We did go in to hospital but very late on I was at 10cm and baby had turned posterior so I had a rest and be grateful stage...we went because I was bleeding quite heavily so we went in in case it got worse.

I do wish I hadnt gone in, I had no problems at all and birthing my baby vaginally with only gas and air and not a stitch in sight.

Take control, take control of your thoughts and feelings now let them make you stronger down the line and allow your experience teach you about yourself.

No i will never 'get over' my EMCS.

BUT I have got to a point now where I can use it for the better.


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## Samantha675

Here is my story and my 2 cents.

I had my first c-section due to miss handling of my care with an independent midwife. I think if she had given a shit, and me her focus, I would have delivered my son naturally at home like I wanted to. This was hugely important to me, as I really feel that the way a person is born affects them for the rest of their life. I didn't want to give birth in a hospital much less by surgery. It took me years to make peace with my son's birth, and it will always hurt. I know I did the best I could at the time, and I was unfortunately let down by the person I trusted with my care.

When I decided to have a second child, I change midwives, and had two amazing midwives. I also hired a doula. I took a hypnobirth class and did just about everything I could do to ensure I had the birth I so badly wanted.

My labor began with my water broke. Soon after, I had 5 minute long contractions, and just never dilated. I think it was a combination of my son being asynclitic, super low and getting in the birth tub way too early. After 7 hours, and only getting to 2 cms, I begged to go to the hospital and just make it stop. Once there, with pit and an epidural I only dilated to 3 1/2 and my son distressed.

With my second son, my water broke, and I started contracting 30 minutes later. My contractions were 10 minutes apart, and lasting about a minute. This continued as the contractions got longer, stronger and closer together. My doula was amazing, she really guided me through my labor. After 8 hours, I decided I wanted a VE, to see if I was dilating. My biggest worry and fear was that I wouldn't. To my shock and amazement I was 7 cms. To crushing disappointment, my son was breech. I was given the choice by my midwife to stay and attempt a vaginal breech birth, or transfer to the hospital knowing it would be an automatic c-section. This time I made the choice to have the c-section. I didn't want it, but knew that it was the best and safest option for my baby. I feel so much better and much more positive about this birth experience than I ever will with my first. My body worked, and it was amazing, and was so healing.

Take your own time to heal, the way you need to. Don't let anyone try to force it, or make you feel bad about how you feel about your baby's birth. I hate more than anything to be told 'all that matters is a healthy baby', it totally disregards my feelings towards my birthing experience, like I don't matter. I do, and it does.


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## Lina

Samantha675, thank you for sharing your story, did you feel that having your second like you wanted ( but didn't go as you exactly planned) helped you to deal with your first better? What I am asking is how did you make peace.


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## Samantha675

I made my peace through a lot of tears, several years, some therapy and just letting it go. I did my best with the knowledge I had. It was beyond my control that my midwife let me down and my cervix failed to function. 

My second labor has helped me more with my feelings towards my body and my ability. My body worked. I made it to 9 1/2-10 cm without anything and would have delivered vaginally if my son had been head down. I'm so proud of that. My labor was amazing and I feel better about everything in general.


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## cosmicgirlxxx

I cannot get over my twin birth and mis-management 3 years ago. It is as painful as it was then :( xx


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## modo

I think my body wasn't given a chance either :( An induction at 39 weeks already has a large failure rate (was not warned) as the baby and your body are just not ready. It was also a Friday night and everyone wanted to go home :( They just kept giving me more and more in the drip and that caused Bobby's heart rate to go nuts. Then c-section time :( They caused the problem and "fixed" it so no I do not feel grateful to them.


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## Lettuce

I'm so glad I found this thread, I am still grieving over the emcs I was given, with a spinal block that didn't go higher than my belly button, failed forceps, meaning she was pushed back up... 
I to, get angry when people tell me it doesn't matter, I have my daughter. 
Thank you for sharing, I think I may request a meeting to talk through it all.


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## chuck

Ladies check these out

https://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/CSANDVBAC/shouldbegrateful.htm

https://andnobodytoldme.com/2011/09/that-the-birth-matters-and-so-do-i/

it is ok to feel guilty, a failure, sad, angry and negative even though you have a healthy baby!


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## MrsPOP

Im so glad Ive found this thread. 5 months on and I stil feel heartbroken over everything that happened. I was offered a meeting by 'my' consultant who had never met me and wrote to my GP saying I could VBAC next time (how would he know, he'd never met me!) and I got a letter months later saying I hadnt turned up for my meeting. I didnt even get an appointment through to miss!

My EMCS story was thus; I was induced for pre eclampsia. 36 hours later, 4 fetal blood samples and stuck at 8cm for 6 hours I was sent for EMCS due to fetal distress. LO was in a really awkward position (OT) so I dont think I would ever have given birth to her naturally. I dont think my EMCS was unnecessary, but I do think I should have just been given one straight away with the pre eclampsia, the low bishops score and when my LO first started to get distressed.

I still feel a failure. I often say " I couldnt give birth naturally, I couldnt go into labour naturally and I couldnt feed my daughter naturally" (I have a lot of BF failure guilt too). I feel like a fraud as a mum and often feel like I shouldnt even come on BnB but Im trying because I need to get over this so much.

I understand the feeling that I need to have another baby so I could VBAC (Im ecen considering HBAC) and try and BF again.

:hugs:


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## fifi-folle

I actually posted an almost identical thread on a natural parenting forum, here's my post:
_Not sure if this is the right place but following on from One Born Every Minute last night I have come to realise I am still grieving from the loss of the opportunity to have a normal birth. C was born in July after full induction at 42+1, I had contractions from 37 weeks but they kept stopping so under pressure from m/w and dh I agreed to be induced at 2 weeks past my EDD. I had planned a water birth, done hypnobirthing and yoga for birth but in the end I had almost all the interventions possible. I had the gel, ARM, sytocinon drip, morphine, epidural and eventual EMCS. After I was shaking so much I was scared to hold him. We then had a hard time bfing, was made to ff, had pp infection etc etc.
We are going to start trying for #2 next summer (my endometriosis is rather agressive and have been told to have my chidren while I can) Part of my problem may also be linked to the 4 losses we had before C. Any advice on how to get past this? _
One of the best responses I got was a link to Birth Crisis. The ladies there also recommended going over your notes. And this response stuck out: _The "what ifs" are what churn you up inside I think. Grief is like water- it needs to be free flowing so as not to stagnate into depression, so the more opportunities you have to talk (and cry), the more you can let it run its natural course_


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## tannembaum

I have some positive news, after _needing_ a vbac with my last pregnancy it got to a stage where I was over due and had bp probs, I had loads of sweeps that just didn't work so I was offered an induction. After thinking through all my options I turned down induction and opted for an elcs if baby still hadn't come. I ended up up having a section, it was scary but was much nicer than my emcs. I was really worried that I wouldn't bond with baby but I took one look at her and told her I didn't mind that she didn't come the way I wanted and planned :)
I am sad that I'm never going to give birth the way I want but I don't feel as bad this time around.


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## chuck

I think as much as many of us feel we NEED a VBAC to get over previous births and feel like not getting it will be terrible, the process of planning a VBAC or CBAC educates us about birth and our choices far more than most women and we gain the ability to make better informed choices no matter how our pregnancies/labours and births pan out.

We may not end up with our ideals BUT what we do get should be as close to it as possible because we have the ability to question what is happening and to listen to ourselves more.

Fifi...please head over to the VBAC support thread we have a few links and stories that might help and there are a few of us hanging about there now either having had a VBAC, CBAC or planning to or still TTC or WTT but thinking about VBAC options.


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## Lina

fifi-folle said:


> I actually posted an almost identical thread on a natural parenting forum, here's my post:
> _Not sure if this is the right place but following on from One Born Every Minute last night I have come to realise I am still grieving from the loss of the opportunity to have a normal birth. C was born in July after full induction at 42+1, I had contractions from 37 weeks but they kept stopping so under pressure from m/w and dh I agreed to be induced at 2 weeks past my EDD. I had planned a water birth, done hypnobirthing and yoga for birth but in the end I had almost all the interventions possible. I had the gel, ARM, sytocinon drip, morphine, epidural and eventual EMCS. After I was shaking so much I was scared to hold him. We then had a hard time bfing, was made to ff, had pp infection etc etc.
> We are going to start trying for #2 next summer (my endometriosis is rather agressive and have been told to have my chidren while I can) Part of my problem may also be linked to the 4 losses we had before C. Any advice on how to get past this? _
> One of the best responses I got was a link to Birth Crisis. The ladies there also recommended going over your notes. And this response stuck out: _The "what ifs" are what churn you up inside I think. Grief is like water- it needs to be free flowing so as not to stagnate into depression, so the more opportunities you have to talk (and cry), the more you can let it run its natural course_

I can relate to you so much, our experiences have many similarities. One intervention has led into a catalogue of interventions. I am now trying to organise a debrief of my labour and I seem to be hitting a brick wall, I am being passed around from one extension to another. I have left messages and no one has called me back even pals. I know I should keep calling but every call takes so much energy and courage.


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## chuck

Lina have you found out who the head of midwifery is for your area/hospital?

Try them directly.

If you are still hitting brick walls then document the isses and send it to pals and also AIMS https://www.aims.org.uk/


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## Lina

Just to update, 
I have contacted the head of midwifery directly and she was very pleasant. 
I am now booked for a debrief next friday at 10am.8-[


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## chuck

Lina said:


> Just to update,
> I have contacted the head of midwifery directly and she was very pleasant.
> I am now booked for a debrief next friday at 10am.8-[

Good stuff missus.

Sometimes it's difficult dealing with organisations where no one is really sure who is supposed to do certain things like the NHS.

Going straight to someone with the power to make decisions is never a bad thing it turns out eh?

Hope you find it useful, take a pad of paper and pen with you - unless you have a copy of your notes it'll be useful to note somethings down. You usually have to pay for a copy to be made but you might be able to wangle it or just take pics with a good camera!

It can be very emotional so be prepared for some tears and some anger.


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## OfficerMomma

A simple but resounding piece of wisdom once given to me by a wonderful Israeli woman teaching a birth class. (regarding C-sections) 

"There is the way, but there is another way, and this is also the way."

I don't know why, but this really rang true for me. I hope it helps.


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## Sam Pearson

I'm sorry you are struggling. Sometimes with trauma we don't ever really get over it but we learn to live with it.

This organisation might have some useful information for you.

https://www.birthrites.org/
Birthrites: Healing After Caesarean aims to provide a support network for women who've had a previous c/section(s), and to increase the awareness of these women's needs to their health-carers within the medical profession.


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## Cjackord

I'm at a year and a half after a csection. I was bummed for the first several months, but eventually life got busy with a toddler and I put it to the back of my mind. Now I'm pregnant with our second and can't stop thinking about what terrible decisions led to it... If ONLY I had known then what I know now. I hate being a statistic of induction gone wrong and feel genuine dread and anxiety about having to go the doctor for prenatal.

BUT I just keep reminding myself, that no matter how my son got here, he's here! He is the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't care what terrible doctors I had the first time, I will NOT tolerate being pushed around this time. 

Have you considered going to professional therapy? There's a l


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## Cjackord

I'm at a year and a half after a csection. I was bummed for the first several months, but eventually life got busy with a toddler and I put it to the back of my mind. Now I'm pregnant with our second and can't stop thinking about what terrible decisions led to it... If ONLY I had known then what I know now. I hate being a statistic of induction gone wrong and feel genuine dread and anxiety about having to go the doctor for prenatal.

BUT I just keep reminding myself, that no matter how my son got here, he's here! He is the best thing to ever happen to me and I don't care what terrible doctors I had the first time, I will NOT tolerate being pushed around this time. 

Have you considered going to professional therapy? There's a lot of unseen trauma in a csection and it may help to seek out counsel.


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## madasa

Reading what another lady has written about her CBAC (that she didn't mind so much)... I think often the key thing is whether or not the mother feels supported, respected and listened to. Does she have control over what kind of care she receives?

I know the "If only I'd..." feelings, even tho I have never had a CS. It's a small comfort, but it sounds like it's not really about what you did or didn't do. It sounds like you were let down by the people caring for you. It's THEIR failure, not yours. 

BTW, most of the time, a nuchal cord is not an emergency and repeat CS's are not usually necessary. If anyone reading has one of those factors in pregnancy, it's probably not panic stations :)


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## miaplus2

just stumbled across this post. Just thinking about my first "birth" makes my cry, i had a failed induction at the royal london i was induced because a consultant felt my blood pressure COULD rise as i was over weight they didn't get the cannula into a vein so after 18hours of nothing i was told my baby was distressed (later found out she wasn't) and i was cut open and treated with no respect. It affected my second pregnancy as LO was breech and they wont attempt to turn a breech baby if the mother has a section scar... im now pregnant again and have been told i will have no chance of a VBAC and as its my 3rd section i need to be sterilized as well as i "cant have 4 sections" I'm 21 years old and now feel i'll never have a chance to be a real woman and never have the feeling of pure joy knowing my pain and work birthed my baby...and i wont be able to extend my beautiful family... sorry my post isnt very helpful but you really arent alone in your feelings hun xx


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## Lina

miaplus2, you don't 'have' to be sterilised, is it because you have a medical condition? 

My aunt has had 4 sections and she is having another kid. I also know of a woman who has had 5 sections and another who has 8 and none have been sterilised. I had my labour debrief on friday and the midwife who saw me said she had personally witnessed a woman who had 3 previous sections birth naturally at home.

You can too!


Madasa, you are absolutely right and she said feelings of such often stemmed from lack of control and not being listened to. She said it was important that women are educated about their rights and have a strong voice, be it them or others on their behalf.


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## miaplus2

the fight i'd have to put up to be allowed a natural birth would be horrendous. I've just got to get over it i gues xx


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## Sam Pearson

miaplus2 said:


> It affected my second pregnancy as LO was breech and they wont attempt to turn a breech baby if the mother has a section scar..

I agree that trying to turn a breech baby isn't a good idea but the concept that breech babies need to be born surgically is a myth. Many women have breech babies vaginally. With an active labour and a healthy Mum and bub it's just a birth with baby in a less common position. It was wrong of anybody to force you to have a surgical birth just because of a breech position. 



miaplus2 said:


> . im now pregnant again and have been told i will have no chance of a VBAC

What reason have they given you? 

This website has wonderful information for Mums who have had surgical births and then gone on to have vaginal birth even after 3 and 4 ceseareans. They also have a forum where you will find lots of supportive women. https://www.birthrites.org/



miaplus2 said:


> .
> and as its my 3rd section i need to be sterilized as well as i "cant have 4 sections"

This is quite shocking advice. Even in the extreme case of a ruptured uterus a hysterctomy isn't necessary. You can learn more about why at this website:

https://www.a-little-wish.org.uk/

This Youtube video explains the vital importance of the uterus to any woman and I urge you to watch it in order to help you make an informed decision:

The Life Long Functions of the Uterus and Ovaries 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daaTH9S8L74
The uterus is a hormone responsive reproductive sex organ that supports the bladder and the bowel, and it provides structural support to the pelvis. The ovaries produce important hormones all of a woman's life. The functions of the uterus and ovaries are essential to a woman's health and well being, physically, pschologically and sexually. There is no time in a woman's life when they are no longer needed.



miaplus2 said:


> .
> I'm 21 years old and now feel i'll never have a chance to be a real woman

Of course you are a real woman...100%. Birthing and the way our babies come into this world does not a woman make and neither does a uterus. 

Ultimately it is your decision how you choose to birth this time and yours alone, nobody can make that choice for you, but I understand how hard it is to go against your care givers advice.


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## madasa

If someone sterilises you against your will, I should hope they could be charged with assault and battery and be stopped from practising.

You do not have to be sterilised. You do not have to automatically have another surgical birth. 

https://www.homebirth.org.uk/vba2c.htm

https://www.vbac.co.uk/stories/story.php?s=zoe

https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2009.02351.x/pdf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HzsT9q1AVW8

https://blog.ican-online.org/2012/01/19/kellis-vba2c-of-11lb12oz-asher/

There are women who have had VBA2Cs. It sounds like it is really important to you. If you decided to try, you'd need good support around you (to do the "fighting" for you). Remember, mothers consent - not doctors! You have the final say. Good luck whatever you decide to do.


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