# Not feeling welcome....



## meldmac

I'm beginning to feel not welcome at all in the 2nd tri section. There's been some posts recently about how people who have had problems shouldn't post as it "scares" other members. Now I understand those feelings however shouldn't we be allowed to post our concerns too? They feel like they should get support so why shouldn't people who've lost babies or have had problems get the same support. They go on and on about how people should be more concerned about scaring others, but where do we go when we need to feel support? I guess I have to stay in this section and not post anywhere else for fear of upsetting or scaring anyone else. I just am not sure I want to come on this forum anymore to be honest. I love the ladies I met on here but I just feel like I'm not wanted here anymore.


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## Chaos

Chic, 

If you have concerns, you post them when and where you want to post them. The 2nd trimester forum is there for EVERYONE. Not just a select few who want to try and lay down the law regarding topics. There is no forum rule that states you cannot talk about that subject.

Being such a diverse forum, of course some posts are going to upset others. That's just the way the things roll around here. It'd be boring if we all agreed on the same thing. But with that said, there will always be people who will help and support you.

At the end of the day, the people who don't want to read that kind of topic have the choice NOT to click it and read.

My suggestion to you would be, when you make a post like that, make it clean in the topic that it could be upsetting to some. For instance you could put "Topic name here" [warning, about loss, could be upsetting]
Then if people click it and still read and get upset, well it's there own stupid fault.

For instance, there was a thread in there recently about SIDS. Now personally that kinda thing grates my nerves, cause it makes me paranoid about Autumn for weeks after, but I avoid those posts if I can and don't reply. I have no right to tell those people they cannot post about it, because who knows, some day that specific post could save a life.

Please don't feel pushed out, there's far too much of that going on at the moment. You're a part of this forum and have as much right to post about things as anyone else on here.

:hugs:


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## moomin_troll

i havent suffered a loss so i cant say i no how u feel but when i was pregnant with my son the "scary" threads didnt upset me at all, if anything they helped me as i could then in away learn from what others had gone thru and look for any warning signs.

i have afew friends who have had mc and also my mum had a very worrying pregnancy with me and lost my twin and i would of never said to them oh do u mind not talking to me about ur worries as ur scaring me.

if ppl are makin u feel this way then they need to grow up abit and realise that lifes scary as it is and pregnancys dont run smooth. we all come on here for support and i no if i was in the 2nd tri id make u feel welcome


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## AP

If people cant handle the ifs and buts, then why bother opening the threads?

I used to ignore the miscarriage sections on forums because 'it would never happen to me". It did.Twice.

When I was pregnant again I did ignore 3rd Tri, birthing plans a the Preemie sections as best as I could, because I thought "na, no interest to me, it'll never happen" :blush: IT did!

Funny thing is learning from that has made me read up on things I have never experienced,because one day, I might be able to help and support someone who will .

Its ignorance, to be honest


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## Tegans Mama

Hiya, I have never suffered a loss, but I have suffered from having a child with a severe disability and I also thought "It'll never happen to me" and it did. 

I honestly think that the thread you're talking about is completely insensitive to people who've had problems in the past. You shouldn't be made to feel unwelcome because of other people's attitudes. :hugs:


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## lauralora

i think i no which thread your reffering to, i had a quick read of it last night, please dont take any notice or let it offend you, one woman once made a really offensive comment to me in the first trimester and it really upset and offended me, but i decided just to ignore it

please enjoy second tri :D xx


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## lauraperrysan

i saw this thread earlier too and thought it was very unfair and almost as bad as the one the mods had to lock about 'small babies'. everyone on the thread seemed to share the same opinion so I didn't butt in incase I was being hormonal and missing something but I thought it was unfair too....
your so brave and taking each day as it comes which is all we can do
:hugs: and there will always be insensitive people in this world, hold ur head up high and POST UR WORRIES thats what bnb is for.....no mod would ever think a thread re loss or worry due to previous loss shouldn't be posted
xxxx


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## Dream.A.Dream

I agree with Tegans Mama and have posted in said thread to say so :hugs: 

I would hope you wouldn't feel the need to leave because some people seem to think they're more important than others. Your concerns and worries have as much right to be posted in 2nd tri as theirs do :hugs: xx


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## Rachiebaby24

Dont go!

You have a right to post where you like. Being pregnant is scary anyway regardless of having had a loss or not. People should be supporting you even more so not making you feel bad. 

People should grow up and realise that life can be hard sometimes and some pregnancies dont run smooth! Scary yes...but it happens. Choosing to ignore it doesnt mean it is less likely to happen. 

xx


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## kelly2903

oh dont leave the site hun people shouldnt read or reply to your threads or any others that about concern if it scares and upsets them that much when i was preg it never bothered me..... because that is what pregnancy is about the ifs the buts and then the happy times it comes with every pregnancy im sorry you dont seem to feel welcomed there but.... but you are in the 2nd tri so get posting sod all else your not being offensive your raising your concerns and as you say you need advice and supportnot a lecture good luck hun and i hope you stay xxxx


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## Lol78

I haven't read the thread, but it just sounds like ignorance to me. If they bury their head far enough into the sand, it will never happen to them.

It's great that most people never have to go through a late loss, but it's just ignorance to not realise that it is a reality of pregnancy. They just don't like their perfect little bubbles bursting. If I thought I wouldn't get kicked off, I'd go and tell them that too!


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## Drazic<3

The same thing happens in first tri too hun. Sadly, when you have experienced loss the rosy glasses are off and pregnancy will never be the same again, much more so in your case and much more reason why you need the support. Sending loads of :hugs:

EDIT - I posted in that thread too. Some people need to check themselves! These are not 'horror stories' - these are peoples real lifes and real pain. Some repulsive attitudes on there. Sending you HUGE :hugs: - You will all always be welcome here and 100% welcome to PM me for some hugs anytime :hugs:


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## Lol78

Drazic<3 said:


> Some people need to check themselves! These are not 'horror stories' - these are peoples real lifes and real pain. Some repulsive attitudes on there. Sending you HUGE :hugs: - You will all always be welcome here and 100% welcome to PM me for some hugs anytime :hugs:

I just read it. That bit about "horror stories" really got me - as if they didn't really happen to people or something. It's just naievity. I wish I could be that naieve, we all do. Big :hugs:


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## hekate

:hugs: so sorry hun....

it's weird how people think they can avoid bad things happening by not reading about them....

I am not pregnant at the moment, but often feel like I want to respond to some threads on the pregnancy board...but will not because I don't want to scare anyone...
but then I sometimes feel guilty for NOT posting....like on threads about reduced movement....when everybody just says "it's all fine" "mine did not move much either and I am sure it's okay" "they have quite days" or "they probably just moved position"....I been told all that and my baby had died! so if somebody is worried about movement I think they should get it checked out....even if 99.99% of the times baby is fine....there may be still a small chance that baby is in trouble and interventions could be made...
but people WANT to be ignorant!


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## Arcanegirl

Sorry you feel like this :hugs:
I have seen the thread and replied to it. You post where You feel comfortable about anything, that is what this forum is for :)


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## mrsraggle

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm always grateful for those brave mummies that post about their experiences, it makes me more knowledgeable and aware of what could happen to me. At the same time I try not to worry too much but it certainly makes me more aware of what to take notice of and not be afraid of asking questions.

Please don't leave the forum - you need advice from those who can help you and we have a lot to learn from you too.


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## KA92

:hugs: like drazic said once youv experienced a loss pregnancy is never the same again :(

please ignore the thread and any other things people say to you(iv had alot of stick from people because im young and thi is my thrid pregnancy) but know what? i love my baby and no one has the right to tell where to post!

om me if you ever want to talk hunnie, these "horror stories" are not horror stories they are real life thats happened to actual people and i send all my love to them

:hugs:


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## JASMAK

Well that's too bad for them! You have every right to talk about your concerns. Honestly, I have felt the same in First Tri, and yes, I feel I need to walk on egg shells about what I say because I do not want to offend. People just need to realize that they don't actually need to read it. There is so many different women on here, from different countries and cultures. We are all going to look upon things differently and have varying opinions and information based on our beliefs, countries, cultures, and past experiences. If there is something that you want to talk about/discuss, then I say go for it. Those who feel they need to leave hateful or rude comments should just be reported. Don't even respond to them. That is what I am going to do in the future too. :hugs:


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## Hoolie

Don't let them push you off, meldmac. There are just as many supportive people on here, if not more.

It's just ignorance and those who hold opinions like that, should be grateful their experience has been good so far and empathise with those who's hasn't instead of trying to isolate us further.

Alex


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## bky

I'm always very grateful towards people posting their worries and fears and experiences. I feel that when I feel the same things I'm not crazy because someone else is feeling it as well. And I can educate myself so I know when I really ought to worry and when I'm maybe just being silly.
The thing about posts like that is that you have to take back the space and make it yours. You have as much right to be there as anyone and have valuable thoughts and feelings too. :hugs:


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## jess_smurf

oh dear didnt see this and probably aimed at me and i wont go i am not losing this baby some people just cant face the truth its got quite bitchy atm


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## Chaos

jess_smurf said:


> oh dear didnt see this and probably aimed at me and i wont go i am not losing this baby some people just cant face the truth its got quite bitchy atm

huh? Aimed at you?


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## jess_smurf

meant the tread in 2nd tri 

been posting a lot over there so must be me


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## Seity

I'd rather have information and experience from ladies that have had problems then be ignorant and risk my LO. Sounds to me like they want the 'Disney' version of pregnancy where it's all sunshine and roses. They're going to be in for a shock when they find out that parenthood doesn't necessarily come with a guaranteed happily ever after either.


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## dizzy65

awe :hugs:


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## Chaos

jess_smurf said:


> meant the tread in 2nd tri
> 
> been posting a lot over there so must be me

What? This thread is about people being insensitive to people who have lost LO's when people post about said losses. I don't think you should start assuming the thread is aimed at you, when you have no idea if that was true. :hugs:


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## meldmac

Jess the thread was not posted aiming at you....it was a comment that someone made that was insensitive to anyone in general who have lost babies and have posted in 2nd tri.

I don't want to dig up any more of it tbh as I've had enough pretty much of all the bickering and stuff. I don't think any of us need it really especially after what we have all gone through.

:hugs: to you Jess

Thank you everyone for the support. I really needed it the last few days as I've been feeling pretty down about everything. It doesn't help that I'm not feeling very pregnant at the moment and worrying over everything. :cry:


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## jess_smurf

Chaos said:


> jess_smurf said:
> 
> 
> meant the tread in 2nd tri
> 
> been posting a lot over there so must be me
> 
> What? This thread is about people being insensitive to people who have lost LO's when people post about said losses. I don't think you should start assuming the thread is aimed at you, when you have no idea if that was true. :hugs:Click to expand...

WTF sorry but i have had a loss and never hide him or ignore him, I felt like some of the posts they were describing were mine 

think you have completely got the worng of the stick 

I sure all the angels mummies felt the same way about that thread too , what is your problem


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## jess_smurf

i read the thread in 2nd tri and it really upset me

just saying i agree with meldmac about them being insensitive about their wordings and not the first time it was done either 

may as well stick to stillbirth section in there but frightened i will upset ladies who are not pregnant yet and then come here and scare people that MC into fear of stillbirth, where do we belong. I need 2nd tri support but cant get it as my angel is with me do i have to hide him from them 

I am nothing but anxious atm, frightened to do anything or go anywhere for fear of something bad, I dont know maybe just ramblings 

just cant be bothered with all the shit anymore and it makes me so , i dont really now how i feel but completely screwed up atm


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## meldmac

I know it really does suck. However, I think tbh that there are way more supportive ladies on here than not it's just those 1 or 2 posts that seem to stand out more lately that cause all these issues.


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## westbrja

Meldmac - Remember you can always come back over with us in the 1st trimester post. You know that you and Devin are always welcome there. As far as I'm concerned if people don't like the topic of the post then don't read it. I can usually tell by the first few sentences that I am interested or uninterested in a post. Don't let other people bother you so much. You have enough to worry about. Opinions are like assholes, we've all got one lol. Hugs sweetie!!


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## tickledpink3

Don't you dare stay over here. If most of the ladies who have experienced losses stayed in those forums, alot of us wouldn't have the joy we do upon reading their progress. Jesse smurf was one of the first who responded to my bfp testing thread. I love reading about Jasmak in first tri. Drazic is just all over the place lol and so helpful. I'm sure that are some more wonderful ladies I don't know yet, but please go where ya want to on these boards and ignore those crazy folks.


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## aliss

Please don't feel bad there. You are VERY welcome to post there. People can be quite ignorant of the fear and pain caused by a loss. My own brother was still born (in 1980!) and my mother still talks about him to this day. 30 years. Your concerns and information are important to those with their heads on straight about the reality of childbirth.


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## Chaos

jess_smurf said:


> Chaos said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> jess_smurf said:
> 
> 
> meant the tread in 2nd tri
> 
> been posting a lot over there so must be me
> 
> What? This thread is about people being insensitive to people who have lost LO's when people post about said losses. I don't think you should start assuming the thread is aimed at you, when you have no idea if that was true. :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> WTF sorry but i have had a loss and never hide him or ignore him, I felt like some of the posts they were describing were mine
> 
> think you have completely got the worng of the stick
> 
> I sure all the angels mummies felt the same way about that thread too , what is your problemClick to expand...

The way you worded your initial post, you came across as to say THIS thread was aimed at you when it obviously wasn't BECAUSE you have suffered a loss, which I AND the OP said. Before you jump down some ones neck who is trying to defend you and ask wtf their problem is, please read my reply in context.


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## Chaos

aliss said:


> Please don't feel bad there. You are VERY welcome to post there. People can be quite ignorant of the fear and pain caused by a loss. My own brother was still born (in 1980!) and my mother still talks about him to this day. 30 years. Your concerns and information are important to those with their heads on straight about the reality of childbirth.

ITA!


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## meldmac

Yes but I know Jess and knew she didn't mean she thought my post was directed at her. I don't think anyone in this thread has meant any offense to others. So lets all just leave it at that as the last thing I think we all want is another argument. :hugs:


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## Chaos

meldmac said:


> Yes but I know Jess and knew she didn't mean she thought my post was directed at her. I don't think anyone in this thread has meant any offense to others. So lets all just leave it at that as the last thing I think we all want is another argument. :hugs:

:thumbup:


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## NG09

I hope you don't mind me nipping over, but I just wanted to say that I really hope that you can all feel comfortable enough to come back over to 2nd tri. I also feel that with some people it's like walking on eggshells and can be quite intimidating to post if you have a different experience or opinion to 'the norm'.

I for one really admire the fact that you are all strong enough to be able to share your experiences and value your opinion. If I'm worreid about something I want the honest truth from someone who knows, who has been there. 

Please don't feel shut out, as far as I'm concerned you are all always welcome xxx
:hugs:


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## Drazic<3

Thanks tickled, that was sweet :hugs:

I think there was a bit of confusion there with those posts about which thread was aimed at who. Hope it's all sorted now. 

Any angel mummy is welcome to say whatever they need to say anywhere - I am am pretty certain the powers that be would back us up on that. You have every single right to be here and not one of those girls has the right to suggest otherwise. It's not 'their' forum, it's our forum. You are mummies and wonderful people. 

Heck, anyone say different you give me a shout, they can go through Drazic :grr:

:kiss:


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## maybebaby3

that is mad. i thought every1 was there 2 support each other, what is the point if you 'scare' people. the harsh reality is that sometimes things go wrong with pregnancy. probably the people who have told u this are people who have had no complications in pregnancy. i have suffered 2 m/c and know how hard it is 2 remain positive at times and how anything out of the ordinary can send you in2 a state. not every1 in the 2nd tri is so close minded :hugs:


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## BrookieG

hun dont feel like you can post in 2nd tri...like someone said if people dont want to read "upsetting" threads they have the choice whether to open them or not....i commented on the thread in question saying i felt guilty that sometimes i just cant open these threads if im in a "bad place" andni feel terrible that i cant give other women advice n support when its always offered up to me but there will always be someone who will help hun...i liked the comment on the "disney pregnancy" n it annoyes me too that when people ask me if this is my first n i reply no 2nd ive got a baby in heaven, they dont know what to say or where to look, m/c and stiilbirth are tabboo subjects which i think is ridiculous in a world where it effects so so many women...dont ever feel you cant post in any section hun, there will always be someone who has something to say just let it go right over your head, sometimes i feel like stopping coming on this forum but then i outway all the lovely ladies, fabulous support and advice with all the comments that annoy me...take care hun x


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