# how do you.......



## LittleAurora

Stop yourself from crying every time you look at your child?

Im having trouble coming to terms with my sons diagnosis of high functioning autism asperger's.

I didnt think that there was anything 'wrong' with him. I think he is perfect. Justa little different from other children. But no kids are the same?

He is perfect, smart and loving. The school put him forward for assesments. 

I look at him and I want to cry. 

I dont even know the point of this post tbh.


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## vicki.mummy

i don't think what you are feeling is wrong in any way - :hugs:; i think it's normal.
My nephews live with us now, and we got parental rights for them - Robbie is being tested for autism; and his paediatrician is pretty sure he is autistic - just not sure where on the spectrum yet. It is hard, some days more than others - but then you child does something that no-one expected him too and everythings seems like it just might be ok.... keep on going - it does get easier.


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## Midnight_Fairy

Do you go to any support groups? I dont feel sad my son has autism. I love him how he is BUT I would change the world and other people. It makes me mad we have to FIGHT for everything medical and at school etc. xxxx big hugs xx


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## velvetina

What you are feeling is very normal, and I am 13 years along and what a journey it has been. You are shocked hun, your world has been rocked but it will settle again.

I certainly did not think when I was pregnant 15 years ago that my world was going to be so different to that of every other person/friend I knew raising a neurotypical developing baby. My expectations had been totally taken away, and I was left with fears of the unknown and all the emotional fallout that comes with it. It also affected my 2nd pregnancy 10 years later, with the worry and concern that it's going to happen again.

Acceptance - it comes eventually and when it does, for me it was so much less scary and frightening and that is when the feelings will lift and start to change. I can't tell you when this will be or it will make everything ok but it helps, it is different for everyone, but be gentle on yourself, allow yourself time. Time also brings the most amazing developments with your child, I wish that was something I knew when my son was little. If I could have seen him as he is now, back when he was 2 yrs old, I may not have been in such a dark place as I was.

One of my close friend's whose son was raised alongside mine, has high functioning aspergers, he is also 15 yrs and he too has come a very long way. He is at a special school for high functioning academic aspgerger teens and is going forward for a number of exams and without a doubt is going to live an independant happy life. He knows he has the condition and is able to understand what it means and what his difficulties are. My son on the other hand does not know he has autism and will not live independantly, but is still happy and in many ways a typical teen!!! 

I hope some of this helps hun and if you want to ask anything feel free. Take care:hugs: x


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## angelstardust

Many people go through a process of greiving for the child they thought they would have. Then getting to know the child they do have. Then finally comes acceptance and eventually you embrace everything you have because you can see things that are wonderful. 

This poem helped me hugely. It kinda summed up all the stuff in my head when we got the diagnosis. Even now I sometimes think about it and it helps me get through. 



> WELCOME TO HOLLAND
> 
> by
> Emily Perl Kingsley.
> 
> c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
> 
> I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
> 
> When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
> 
> After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
> 
> "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
> 
> But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
> 
> The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
> 
> So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
> 
> It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
> 
> But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
> 
> And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
> 
> But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

https://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html


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## missjess

I love my son. More than life itself. However, like you, I sometimes look at him and cry. I sometimes wonder how it would be like to have a ''normal'' child. :blush::nope: It's a horrible thing... It is hard to accept, but at the same time I am so happy that my son is so incredibly way above than average smart. 

Unfortunately, the pressure from around me (family, friends) is hard to deal with. It has got to be the worse!

Our kids are special and different. The best kind of different. Some days are hard, some days are easy, but in the end they are they greatest kids in the world because they are our kids. xxxxx


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## LittleAurora

Thank you for your support guys and very kind words. I am not disapointed with my son. far from it! he is above average in all his subjects at school. I just hate this label that he has and how other people view because of it


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## Midnight_Fairy

I hear you. Its hard to explain as people think you want to change your child or are dissapointed etc but your not. I know how you feel. Its SO hard to explain that you just want to change society, make things easier.


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## 17thy

my husband has aspergers syndrome. its a high functioning autism. we didn't find out until last year and he's 19. He's always been advanced in school and in general. He's got a wife, a beautiful smart child, and a great job...teaching special needs kids as a matter of fact. Don't feel bad because your child has high functioning autism. I'm sure things will work out just fine for your son! :hug:


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## Nic1107

I have HFA/Asperger's too... I'm 26, married, have a job, friends, and a beautiful baby girl. :) And hell, I made it this far without a day of therapy since we didn't even know until I was in my 20's! Only thing that still really affects me on a day-to-day basis is that I can't drive and have serious sleep issues, but I can live with that. :)


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## ZannahRain

LittleAurora said:


> Stop yourself from crying every time you look at your child?
> 
> Im having trouble coming to terms with my sons diagnosis of high functioning autism asperger's.
> 
> I didnt think that there was anything 'wrong' with him. I think he is perfect. Justa little different from other children. But no kids are the same?
> 
> He is perfect, smart and loving. The school put him forward for assesments.
> 
> I look at him and I want to cry.
> 
> I dont even know the point of this post tbh.


How do I stop myself? I don't. Instead I pull my daughter close and continue to cry and love on her until I feel better of we fall asleep. It helps me cry less because my crying spells feel more healing.:hugs:


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## Twinminator

Little Aurora, I seem to recognise your name from the pregnancy forums..? Anyway, I just want to say what you're feeling is totally totally normal. :hugs: I came back from Lauren's paediatric appointment in a daze, and although I was fine in front of her, when she went to bed that night, and every time after that for weeks whenever I was alone, I just sobbed and sobbed. Oh and every time I heard Bruno Mars ("...Cuz girl you're amazing... just the way you are...") I couldn't breathe for crying. But I am so much better now, sadness DOES give way to a kind of 'fighting spirit' and at times anger, at the ignorance of society. And I also WOULD like to change society's perceptions to help my little girl be understood better. That said, if she woke up tomorrow with all traces of her autism disappeared, not frightened by change, not panicked by the unfamiliar, and able to make friends with her twin sister who doesn't understand why she can't get close to her, :cry: then HELL YEAH I'D BE F***ING ECSTATIC.

Big hugs to you hun xxxxxxxxxx


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## angelstardust

Something that I have found is that a parent of a neurotypical child will never know or understand the sheer joy we feel when our special child does something. 

When Chris walked it was one of the most amazing things that has ever happened in my life. When Amber walked, I was happy, I was very happy and excited. But, it just wasn't the same. I knew she would walk so it was expected but DS2 fought for every single minescule movement of those steps. 

It keeps you going when times are hard.


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