# Lost my 17 week son 3 days ago.



## subaru555

We have a 3 year old and he took 6 years to conceive.

My baby boy Noah was born on Monday and he took 3 years to conceive.

Very heartbroken.

I feel guilty I can't bring myself to have a funeral for him as I can't go through that.

I have to wait till the 11th of January for my Husband to come home from work. I feel I can't properly grieve until then. There's feeling empty but then there's feeling empty and with no Husband to squeeze me tight and tell me it's going to be ok.

I'm finiding it hard to have patience with my 3 year old son as my back is absolutely killing me from labour, no idea why.

Did any of you have a really sore back/ pelvis afterwards?

Did any of you go through it alone and have to wait for your Husband, feeling numb in between xx


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## LeahLou

I am so sorry. :hugs: I wish I could give you a hug and make you cookies.
I was almost 13 weeks when I had the horror of finding my 2 babies weren't coming home with us. They did a d&e. I was still sore 7 weeks after.
It'll take a while for the hormones to go back to 0. My cycle was 52 days after the bleeding from the surgery stopped.
I was short tempered with my 2 year old too for a while. But kids are resilient. It's so much to process let alone having a "toddnager" needing constant attention and care.
My husband is a firefighter and works 24 hour shifts at a time and sometimes up to 3 days. So I did a lot of grieving alone. He also wasn't as connected to the pregnancy as we had already had many losses earlier this year. 

Don't make yourself try and be normal. You need time to just be what you need to be and feel what you need to feel. No one around you will fully understand unless they've gone through it as well. They may even say insensitive comments. My own mother said it was for the best. I was only able to forgive them because people just don't get it.

It's been a couple months now and I still have my emotional days, but that's ok. I keep hanging on. We decided to continue TTC right after and that's helping. Although some don't agree and call us crazy or think that we're rushing through the grieving. I can't replace my angels but I do want to be a mommy again and having hope is better than lingering on what can't be.

I hope this all helped. It'll be sore for a while but you will heal. You are not alone friend. :hug:


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## capricorn1

subaru555 and LeahLou, 
I am so sorry about your losses, it is truly heart breaking to lose your child. I wanted to send :hugs: to you both. 

I lost my little girl 2 months ago at 20 weeks gestation. This is my story - Pregnancy was going well up until then and I was a couple of days away from the 20 week scan. I had been having some pelvic pains/cramps a couple of days before and it was put down to growing pains/way the baby was lying. One morning had a little bleeding and cramps and again told not to worry, I was seen at the hospital that evening (as I was still worried and the cramps were still there and becoming more regular) and checked over in case of miscarriage. Was told there was no sign of miscarriage and sent home (bleeding was coming from an erosion on my cervix apparently normal during pregnancy). The next morning the pain intensified and was definitely contraction like e.g. very regular and pain built up then disappeared. My husband took me back to the hospital where we heard our baby's heartbeat and were told it was likely an UTI or kidney stones and not labour. We were so relieved to hear that because we had feared the worst. Unfortunately in the end we were right it was labour and that was the last time we heard her heartbeat. My waters burst in the hospital an hour later and I was 6 cm dilated by that point. I delivered our beautiful baby girl 19 hours later.

I became very ill after the birth and was treated for sepsis. It is probably only in the last week or so that I have physically been feeling noticeably better. I had terrible pelvic and back pain for weeks afterwards and my boobs were agony when my milk came in. 

subaru555 I hope you are feeling physically a bit better. It does takes time. This experience was bad enough with my husband here, but I can only begin to imagine how much worse it must be when your hubbie is working away or working long shifts. Is there anybody close to you that you can talk things through with/just cry with? (please feel free to PM me if you'd like - we could support each other).

Take care, I hope today hasn't been too rough.
xxx


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## capricorn1

Also wanted to say that I can totally understand TTC right away. I feel exactly the same. Everyone has said it will be a long time until you are ready to try again, but we want to conceive again as soon as possible. We are waiting on our consultant appointment next week before we start TTC. I wanted to make sure this infection has gone and that we have a solid care plan in place for the next pregnancy. 

Good luck with your current cycle, I hope it's good news for you.
xxx


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## MonyMony

I am so sorry to hear about all your recent losses, ladies. It just doesn't seem fair when you've made it to second trimester already. 

I'm also very sad to hear you don't have support, subaru. Sending you virtual :hugs:. It's sounds completely normal that you don't have the most patience right now. You'll need to go easy on yourself for quite a while. If there's any way to get some time alone, I think it would be worth it. Gyms have free or very cheap babysitting, or maybe a friend or neighbor could help out. Or take advantage of the IKEA playroom or library story hours. 

Take good care. And again, my heart just goes out to all of you...


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## Chris77

I am so sorry for your loss hunni. :hugs:


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