# PLEASE help me feel confident about not getting an epidural!



## AshleyR

I just posted this in second trimester but someone told me I should check here, too.

Here's the story (will try to keep this short as possible!)

I have a very LOW pain tolerance and up until now (26 weeks) I was positive I'd be getting an epidural. This is my first baby and not knowing what to expect - I want to feel the least amount of pain possible! I am the type that totally overreacts when I have a simple cold.... I admit - I am a giant baby and labour totally terrifies me!

Anyway. We live in a very remote town and I don't have the option of getting an epidural if I am to have the baby here. I would have to go to the nearest city (3 hrs away) 2 weeks before my due date and wait to go into labour. This was my original plan, HOWEVER, we just purchased a new house and the closing date is only 2 days before we'd have to leave for the city to wait for baby to come! We don't have the option of changing the closing date.

So, I need to decide now if I want to have only 2 days to move into our new house (I obviously won't be doing the moving, DH will, but I will only have 2 days to unpack any boxes before heading off to have the baby - then coming home to a new home with 90% of our stuff still in boxes!) 

OR....

I can suck it up and just have the baby here - but I won't have the option of getting an epidural if I want one. I will however be able to get gas and morphine if I want it.

So, now I have a dilemma. Labour scares the life out of me and I thought for sure there was no way I'd go through it without an epidural. But, now that we're getting the new house I am seriously considering staying in town and not being able to get the epi, to give me some more time to get things unpacked and settle into the house a bit before baby comes (even if it's only 2 weeks - I have a feeling I'm going to feel rushed either way, but it is what it is! 2 weeks is a lot longer than 2 days!)

So, I need your advice! I know most people in this section are probably all for 100% natural. I know it is totally normal and natural to have a baby without drugs but I really don't see myself being able to handle it. Then again - maybe I can - I just need to educate myself on it more (which is why I'm posting here!) 

Is anyone planning on using gas or morphine? If you've had a baby in the past, did you find that these drugs worked good? I don't see myself going 100% natural so I'm sure I will end up using these if I stay here and can't get the epidural.

Just wondering what I should do!

Thanks!


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## jasminejo24

hello. well i think its up to you at the end of the day but im going for the gas and air and birth pool combo as the two together seem to work wonders.

im not having an epidural for the same reason my mom did not with me and that is because im more scared of the needle being that close to my spine then i am of labour and birth. i've heard of people being paralyzed from the waist down or permanently loosing feeling in part or all of their legs and id rather put up with a day of pain than a life paralyzed because by sods law id be the 1 in a million that ended up paralyzed


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## diz

Hi Ashley, is there any chance that you could have a few more days sorting stuff out in your new house, and enlist some helpers? Do you HAVE to go to the nearest city 2 weeks before you EDD? 

Im all for biging up unmediated births, but if you have always known you would be better off getting an epidural then maybe could have a few more days in your new place? x


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## punk_pig

Why do you have to go two weeks before your EDD?

For me an epidural wasn't an option as my labour was very drawn out and I wasn't progressing fast enough for them to let me in to the delivery suite, I kept being sent home. Finally got in to the delivery suite at 9cm dilated and that is too late for an epidural anyway.

However it was fine - gas and air was great, probably because I'd only had my TENS and co-codamol at home so getting the G&A at 9cms was AMAZING! 

I've always been a wimp about my period pains so thought I'd hate labour but although the pain is similar (especially during those first 5cms) I found labour much easier to bear, just knowing that eacjh contraction got me closer to my baby and the pain was for a reason made it a very different experience.

I also listened to a Natal Hypnosis CD to give me a more positive and empowered feeling about labour.


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## aliss

Have you ever seen a video of a normal natural birth?


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## madasa

You can do it.

Let me tell you a secret. I am the biggest wimp ever. I mean it. I am in tears if I stub my toe. But i ***adored*** birth!!

You can do it.

Pain is a small part of labour. It feels different for all women. Lots of women find it more intense or tiring than painful. Lots of women report low-pain/no-pain births WITHOUT any drugs. Really.

You can do it.

There are LOTS of ways of minimising the pain and coping with sensations that are not an epidural.

You can do it.

In labour, the sensations start of small and build gradually. Your endorphins build with it. Your tolerance builds with it.

You are stronger than you think.

Having an epidural does not guarantee that you will have a "pain free" birth. Many women who have one still find the brith traumatic. Or they feel upset because they feel disconnected from their bodies/the process/their baby. Sometimes it only works partially or on one side. Sometimes it causes a horrible headache afterwards. Sometimes it causes long term headaches or back pain. Sometimes it causes other complications which mean recovery is more difficult or painful. (More tearing, for example, or the need for an episiotomy and assisted delivery.) 

You can do it.

The epi is not a "get out of jail free" card. It's a useful tool for some births, but it is NOT a substitute for good preperation and good, continuous care and support. And if you have THOSE **you probably won't need the epi anyway!**

You can do it.

Thing is, you don't tend to get an epi at the first twinge. Usually, you progress to a certain point without it, and then wait for someone to be available to come and administer it. So even if you plan to get one, it is still a good idea to plan coping strategies for the time just before the epi. Then at the end, many hospitals like to turn the epi down or off so that you can feel enough to push effectively. The baby can also be affected by the epi too. Those endorphins I mentioned? When you got the epi, they packed up and went home, as they were no longer needed. Now the sensations are back, without those endorphins helping you to cope.

Did I mention you can do it? :hug:


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## aliss

madasa said:


> Having an epidural does not guarantee that you will have a "pain free" birth. Many women who have one still find the brith traumatic. Or they feel upset because they feel disconnected from their bodies/the process/their baby.


I can agree with this 100%, as someone who DID get an epidural. A feeling of disconnect, a complete loss of bonding at birth (I was on pitocin too), a lack of care. You know those pandas that give birth and then walk away from their cub because they don't care? It was at that moment I *understood* how that felt. It took 4 months to bond and 2 years to heal from that labour experience where I felt utterly powerless over my own body.

It wasn't until I 'gave birth' to my miscarriage, at 9ish weeks, in my own bathroom at home at peace by myself, that I felt a sense of relief and felt _normal_ about birth again. I know, that probably sounds crazy to a lot of people - but holding that 9 week fetus/sac of my own free will and on my own in the dark in the middle of the night... it was like a huge relief and I have no regrets.

I recommend you look at the home birth photos and natural birthing stories, check the sticky at the top of the forum. As madasa says - those girls are all wimps too :rofl: But labour is not the same as getting your tooth pulled despite hearing that idiotic comment frequently. You need to be an active participant.


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## lozzy21

I'm a wimp, hell I just nearly cried because I bit into an Easter egg and it scratched my gums but having an epidural was not an option for me. Not because there wasent any available but because I dident like the knock on affects of an epidural. Longer labour, higher rate of intervention and needing a section. But I did it on just gas and air and TBH I probably could have done it with out if I could have used a pool. It was more uncomfortable than it hurt.


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## ljo1984

I had an epidural first time around and natural second, I found the birth and experience of a natural birth alot better than when I had epidural, yes contractions hurt but how you deal with them is what makes it easier or harder. If your leaning more to staying put then maybe look into hypnobirthing, it's not too late and that helped me though each contraction, to stay focused and relaxed. Also used tens and gas and air when they were transferring me to hospital. 
If you do decide to opt for going to the city could you not leave it another week or as others said enlist more people to help out.

But you can do it without


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## TySonNMe

You can totally do it. Tens of millions of women gave birth naturally before modern medicine came about and we are all still here. I took Bradley classes and educated myself. I'm with Jasmine...I was just too freaked out about the needle going into my spine. I'm not going to lie, labor was painful but it's pain with a purpose and it's not like you're in pain constantly for x amount of hours until you start pushing. It's a bit painful during the contractions but then you get a break every few minutes until another contraction comes. Yell, scream, breath, punch OH/DH in the face, do whatever you have to do to get through the contraction, but know you are that you are one contraction closer to holding your baby in your arms.


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## madasa

aliss, I am so sorry :( for your bad experience and your loss :(


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## madasa

I'd no more numb myself for a normal birth than I would for sex. Birth is a lot like sex. Yes it can be messy, yes it can be tiring and yes it can hurt. Sex can be all of that too. But it can also be great! It can be feminine and raw and sexy and powerful and primal and empowering and uplifting and satisfying.... And birth can be those things too.

The key is working out what you WILL do (how you will cope with the sensations)... rather than focussing on the things you don't want to do. (Star Wars alert) Your focus determines your reality. Just breathing is huge - start there, focus on that. The ONE thing my midwife said at my homebirth that stuck with me was: "Just breathe them away." So simple, but it helped so much!

Rhythm helps.... (See, another similarity to sex! ;) ) Dancing, rocking, swaying, breathing.... I got into a rhythm in labour with DC2. Breeeeeeathe thru a ctx, sip water, relax my whole body, rest, repeat, repeat, repeat. :D


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## campost006

i had an epi with my first and afterwards i had extreme back problems. I decided this time around I would suck it up and go completely natural. I made it all the way to 7 cm the 1st time 3 more cant hurt lol

oh not to mention I have a really big back tattoo and dont think i can get an epi now


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## Pixxie

Listen, your body is made to do this! You are designed to cope with labour, you don't need anything! (repeat daily for maximum effect) 

No one ever died or even passed out from the pain of labour :) xx


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## aliss

I did pass out from pain actually! That was on pitocin and my abdominals tore.


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## Pixxie

aliss said:


> I did pass out from pain actually! That was on pitocin and my abdominals tore.

I mean in normal circumstances, your situation is obviously an exception! :O


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## LadyM812

Make a list of the reasons why you want to do this naturally, and have your birth partner read them to you while you're in labour.

Also, Make a list of thoughts you find comforting, and have someone read those to you when you need them during labour. One that really sticks with me is "Pain is temporary, Pride is forever"; it's what my old hockey coach used to say to us when I was young.


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## punk_pig

Visualisation helped me loads. I imagined the seashore and watching waves swell and break. As the contraction peaked I imagined the wave peak and as it ebbed away I imagined the wave breaking. Linking the contraction to something that inevitably breaks and dissipates away helped me realise the contraction wouldn't last and would go away - this helped loads and stopped me panicking.


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## Rachiebaby24

Before I had my girls i cried when I had my belly button peirced, cried when i was constipated and would avoid any pain at all costs. Im a self confessed WIMP! 

For me, labour pain is not like a ouch pain. its an all consuming feeling to me. like im possessed so its a different type of pain. and the main reason i didnt want drugs was because i was sacred of a needle in my back and also i didnt want anything that may make my labour last longer.

oh and when people tell you to deep breathe and relax - do it!! i thought it was a load of crap with my first baby (i had gas and air) and often thought people were stupid for telling me to breathe but IT DOES HELP LOADS!!!


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## Housewife83

I had an epidural but it failed so I did the worst bit of labor without pain relief.

I won't lie, it is horrible. But I got through it and recovered very quickly. If I can do it you can too!


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## Grace1954

This was very encouraging to read! I am pregnant with my first- I can't even stand getting pap smears, cringed at the internal ultrasound, and my Dr said to me 'I see an epidural in your future'. I so want to prove her wrong. I am trying everyday to condition my thinking to view labor as a beautiful, peaceful experience - my priveledge as a woman - I think it is helping me get into the right place in my head about it, but I guess I'll find out for sure when the time comes!


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## StranjeGirl

aliss said:


> madasa said:
> 
> 
> Having an epidural does not guarantee that you will have a "pain free" birth. Many women who have one still find the brith traumatic. Or they feel upset because they feel disconnected from their bodies/the process/their baby.
> 
> 
> I can agree with this 100%, as someone who DID get an epidural. A feeling of disconnect, a complete loss of bonding at birth (I was on pitocin too), a lack of care. You know those pandas that give birth and then walk away from their cub because they don't care? It was at that moment I *understood* how that felt. It took 4 months to bond and 2 years to heal from that labour experience where I felt utterly powerless over my own body.
> 
> It wasn't until I 'gave birth' to my miscarriage, at 9ish weeks, in my own bathroom at home at peace by myself, that I felt a sense of relief and felt _normal_ about birth again. I know, that probably sounds crazy to a lot of people - but holding that 9 week fetus/sac of my own free will and on my own in the dark in the middle of the night... it was like a huge relief and I have no regrets.
> 
> I recommend you look at the home birth photos and natural birthing stories, check the sticky at the top of the forum. As madasa says - those girls are all wimps too :rofl: But labour is not the same as getting your tooth pulled despite hearing that idiotic comment frequently. You need to be an active participant.Click to expand...

I am so sorry for your loss :hugs: I was wondering, why do you feel having an epidural gave you a disconnect? I had pitocin and epidural and felt no disconnect at all. Baby was placed on my chest before anything else took place and I felt the whole thing. I was the one who notified that nurse that I think it was getting close as the pressure increased tremendously. Then they shut off the epidural for the pushing phase. Is this not normal? It's my first birth so that is all I know of an epidural and I didn't think it made much difference except take some of the pain away. 

For the OP. Just prepare yourself well. There are classes or home study courses for natural births and if you are going to do it naturally I feel you should be prepared so that you have some tools to use. And keep in mind that everyone is different and it may be a smooth and fairly painless labor for you. My mom was 3 cm dialated and had no idea. She never got strong contractions...so we are all different. I do feel being induced makes things a little more difficult, so if you don't need pitocin and begin naturally then as long as you have some good breathing exercises and ways of staying relaxed then you should be just fine! Good luck! :)


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## aliss

Hi! Because of the epidural, my son's shoulder dystocia resulted in a broken collarbone because I couldn't do basic physical maneuvers to help get him out, I was too numb. He was born screaming, he couldn't breastfeed due to it, he was constantly in pain (due to the collarbone), so the epidural sort of "set everything in motion", so to speak, it started the chain reaction of a cascade of interventions. I don't believe it was the epidural itself but that combined with the dystocia created postnatal complications.

I'm not sure what happened in the pushing phase, it was 2 years ago and a bit of a blur now, but I pushed for 4 hours. I know I was unable to walk and did not feel to push which caused problems with the dystocia.


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## Ju_bubbs

I've not read the rest of the replies - I'm far too tired atm! lol So I', just going to add my personal experience which will hopefully help you!

While I was pregnant with baby no1, I was terrified of labour right from day 1, like you I am a big baby and can not stand any kind of pain, I just do not cope with pain well at all! I decided that I would just have gas and air, I wanted an epidural sooo badly, but knew I would be too scared of how much a needle in my back would hurt!!! All the way through labour, I coped with gas and air, with a few shouts and grunts.. until finally it got so bad that I begged for an epidural - I didn't care how much the needle would hurt, it was too late though, and literally 30 minutes later (I think - it was all so hazy), I was holding my baby. I felt sick, and 'drugged' and totally 'out of it' but was glad I 'kinda' coped until half hour from the end.

Baby no2, after having been through it once... as soon as I found out i was pregnant, I cried.. I did NOT want to go through that again, even though I 'coped' better than I thought! Again, there ws the dilemma of wanting an epi - but being too scared of the pain of a needle in my back!! lol.. I did it - with gas and air. Again, afterwards I was tired, felt sick, and out of it, and didn't really know what was going on around me and everything was hazy!

Baby3, I'd planned again to do it with just gas and air.. but, by the time I got to the hospital he was starting to crown, I barely had time to get my pants off, so deffo no epi and no time to get the gas and air! You know what though? The faster the labour, the more intense the contractions are, it was agony.. I had no idea how to deal with that kinda pain.. but, afterwards while I was laying on the bed, cuddling my baby... I didn't feel sick, I didn't feel drugged, and I could remember my baby entering the world. I liked that.

Baby 4 and baby 5.. after realising last that with no gas and air, I could remember my baby being born, and not feel like I had drunk 18 pints of beer.. I wanted that again! I planned from the start to not have an epi, and not have gas and air. Luckily by this time I had found BnB, which is what led me to suh enjoyable labours! I bought a hypnobirthing CD from ebay, and used the internet to learn how our bodies deal with labour and pain etc. It was aonther very quick, very intense labour... I laboured at home, with no drugs at all, I breathed, I relaxed, and I dreamed of laying on a beach.. I let my body cope with everything on its own, and I also let my body do all the work. I didn't push at all, I didn't shout, I didn't scream.. and finally I delivered my baby myself. It was such an amazing experience that a day later, I wanted to go through it again!

Now, if I had another baby, I would again look forward to giving birth with no drugs.. I completely owe it all to the ladies on BnB. If I hadnt found this forum and read through mostly home and natural birthing threads, I would have had more gas and air with the rest of my labours, and again felt awful, and not remembered much of it! Educate yourself on all the amazing ways your body can cope with pain, and above all else.. not only tell yourself, but believe that YOU CAN DO IT! Because, you can!


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## Whitbit22

Like most other people I was afraid of the pain of labor too. I spent my pregnancy reading Ina May's childbirth books and took childbirth classes from a midwife. I lived and breathed everything to do with birth and I trained myself to believe I could do it. I did it, and it was the most amazing thing ever. I was lucky enough to have two midwives plus one in training at my birth, their coaching and my husbands strength got me through. The biggest helps were the reminders to try and relax, and by the time I was at the peak of a contraction I could fully relax and deal with it and ride it out. It honestly wasn't that bad. I had a 15 hour labor, but only 2-2 1/2 hours of active labor. This is about when I got in the pool to help deal with the pain. The 2 hours from active labor to when my baby was born went by SO quick. You take it one contraction at a time. Just know you can do it, like billions of women on earth before the invention of medicine have done it and it will be a huge reward!


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## StranjeGirl

aliss said:


> Hi! Because of the epidural, my son's shoulder dystocia resulted in a broken collarbone because I couldn't do basic physical maneuvers to help get him out, I was too numb. He was born screaming, he couldn't breastfeed due to it, he was constantly in pain (due to the collarbone), so the epidural sort of "set everything in motion", so to speak, it started the chain reaction of a cascade of interventions. I don't believe it was the epidural itself but that combined with the dystocia created postnatal complications.
> 
> I'm not sure what happened in the pushing phase, it was 2 years ago and a bit of a blur now, but I pushed for 4 hours. I know I was unable to walk and did not feel to push which caused problems with the dystocia.

Oh gosh I am so sorry :( That sounds awful. I must not have gotten very much because I still felt everything, it was just dulled. So sorry you had to go through that :hugs:


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## madasa

Grace1954 said:


> This was very encouraging to read! I am pregnant with my first- I can't even stand getting pap smears, cringed at the internal ultrasound, and my Dr said to me 'I see an epidural in your future'. I so want to prove her wrong. I am trying everyday to condition my thinking to view labor as a beautiful, peaceful experience - my priveledge as a woman - I think it is helping me get into the right place in my head about it, but I guess I'll find out for sure when the time comes!

Glad that is not my doctor. :-/

I hate smears too. But I loved birth. The two are completely different. You don't have an epidural for sex, do you? What, but something is being stuck up in there, if you can't manage a smear without pain, sex must be AGONY, amirite?

Smears and internal ultrasounds are invasive things, things being DONE TO YOU by the doctor (who might or might not be gentle, skilled, caring, whatever). Birth is something normal, natural, something you are designed for, something you DO, something you engage in, something you can enjoy.

Birth can be like sex or it can be like an invasive medical procedure. I suppose when it becomes the latter, then the desire for an epidural sky rockets. Keep it like sex - make sure you have privacy and feel feel safe and unobserved, experience the flow of hormones, let it all unfold, get into a rhythm, let yourself go, give it time, let yourself "get there".... 

My ovaries itch :-/


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