# Back to try for #2 at 40, anyone want to join me?



## Jenny Bean

Hello,

I just turned 40 at the beginning of July.
I have a 1 year old and I want to try for number two.
I was pregnant (a surprise in May) but sadly lost the baby at 10 weeks (blighted ovum).

I really want to have another one soon, as time is running out and I would like to have them close together.

Anyone with a similar experience or want to join in?


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## mychelle4

Hi Jenny. I'm 40 and trying for #3. I have a sixteen year old, and a fifteen month old, both girls. This is my sixth cycle trying. I'm really hoping it does happen soon, as I want the age gap between my younger daughter and her potential sibling to be under three years. Good luck!


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## Jenny Bean

Good luck to you!
Let me know how it goes...we aren't going to actively try for a month or two I think.

I want to try as soon as possible though because it could be a long journey!

Keep me posted!


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## nessaw

Hi we're just thinking about ttc#2. I turned 40 in march and dd is 7 months. We had a 5 year journey with 3 losses before her so taking the plunge to ttc is proving difficult. However we really want her to have a sibling. I take up a new post when back to work in Sept so should really see out a (school ) year in that before another maternity. We were thinking of starting in Nov so if it worked that would take us to the summer hols next year.


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## Jenny Bean

nessaw said:


> Hi we're just thinking about ttc#2. I turned 40 in march and dd is 7 months. We had a 5 year journey with 3 losses before her so taking the plunge to ttc is proving difficult. However we really want her to have a sibling. I take up a new post when back to work in Sept so should really see out a (school ) year in that before another maternity. We were thinking of starting in Nov so if it worked that would take us to the summer hols next year.

We sound very similar, mine is 13 months old today and I turned 40 at the beginning of July. We had a BO in May at 10 weeks, so I am nervous but excited about this journey.

I have some debate whether this is the right time because me and my husband are strained a lot of the time even though we have only been married two years. Also he is also on a hair loss medication that he wants to come off for a few months when we start trying again, so there is a delay in our trying and in reality we probably can only try for a few months before he goes back on the medication again. So I need this to happen quick but worry it is going to be a long journey. I so badly want a sibling for my daughter :(


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## nessaw

I'm not sure how/if I could cope with another loss. We were under the recurrent miscarriage consultant and on aspirin and progesterone for our successful pg and would follow the same protocol if pg again. 
It must be hard to make the decision if things are hard with dh. It's good that we've both got a little time to make up our minds. X


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## Jenny Bean

Dealing with MCs are very tough.
I wish you all the luck!


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## Tui

Hi. We are thinking about number two right now. I have a nearly 8 month old boy after 4 mc's. I am thankful for him every day, despite him running me ragged! Maybe he would like a sister? :)

I have just turned 40 and DH is 44, so we don't have a huge amount of time left, lol. The thing that concerns me is I have no support. I'm worried how I will cope. And what age gap is best? 

Does any of that concern others? 

When will you guys be trying then?


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## Jenny Bean

Tui said:


> Hi. We are thinking about number two right now. I have a nearly 8 month old boy after 4 mc's. I am thankful for him every day, despite him running me ragged! Maybe he would like a sister? :)
> 
> I have just turned 40 and DH is 44, so we don't have a huge amount of time left, lol. The thing that concerns me is I have no support. I'm worried how I will cope. And what age gap is best?
> 
> Does any of that concern others?
> 
> When will you guys be trying then?

:wave: Hi Tui, I have followed you on your journey and am so happy for you!

That's exciting you are thinking of trying again soon.

I do worry about age gaps but mine is 13 months so I think anytime in the future would be okay and not too soon, plus the small age gap could benefit them.

I hope we can have this new journey together.

I hope to be starting in the next few months, but we will probably try a few months and take a few months off and so on.


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## CaliDreaming

Tui said:


> Hi. We are thinking about number two right now. I have a nearly 8 month old boy after 4 mc's. I am thankful for him every day, despite him running me ragged! Maybe he would like a sister? :)
> 
> I have just turned 40 and DH is 44, so we don't have a huge amount of time left, lol. The thing that concerns me is I have no support. I'm worried how I will cope. And what age gap is best?
> 
> Does any of that concern others?
> 
> When will you guys be trying then?

Hi I'll be 42 next month and will be TTC #3 soon. I also take care of 99.9% of the child rearing responsibilities(although dh seems to do more for my daughter the older she gets). 

I have a three year gap--ages 5 and 2 between my daughter and son. I originally tried to have 2 under two, but I'm glad that didn't work out in hindsight.

I think a larger age gap is easier if you don't have a lot of help or if you have to work full time and have to have them both in daycare. My daughter had just turned three when my son is born and her life hardly changed at all when my son was born. She still went to daycare everyday and newborns sleep so much anyway I was usually able to give her undivided attention until she fully transitioned to "big kid". Also, she was at an age where she was just starting to get independent so she could wait a few minutes if my son needed me.

But in the end, I think you will find a way to make any age gap work. Who knows, if I had two under two I probably would have loved that too since both of my kids would be about to be out of daycare and I would have more time with hubby. If you are worried you are running out of time I wouldn't spend too much time stressing over the size of the gap.


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## Tui

Hi Cali. Thanks for that.

I'm not stressing :) just wondered about the logistics of it all. Two close (ish) together would be hard I guess, but over the demanding period quicker. Once they were both three, I could go back to work to ease the financial struggle. Although a bigger gap would be better to handle, I may not have that luxury of time. Besides, I'm getting broody already, lol. Funny how you change your mind. After my horrific birth experience, I swore I wouldn't do it again!


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## Tui

Jenny Bean said:


> Tui said:
> 
> 
> Hi. We are thinking about number two right now. I have a nearly 8 month old boy after 4 mc's. I am thankful for him every day, despite him running me ragged! Maybe he would like a sister? :)
> 
> I have just turned 40 and DH is 44, so we don't have a huge amount of time left, lol. The thing that concerns me is I have no support. I'm worried how I will cope. And what age gap is best?
> 
> Does any of that concern others?
> 
> When will you guys be trying then?
> 
> :wave: Hi Tui, I have followed you on your journey and am so happy for you!
> 
> That's exciting you are thinking of trying again soon.
> 
> I do worry about age gaps but mine is 13 months so I think anytime in the future would be okay and not too soon, plus the small age gap could benefit them.
> 
> I hope we can have this new journey together.
> 
> I hope to be starting in the next few months, but we will probably try a few months and take a few months off and so on.Click to expand...

I thought we had *met* before. Lovely to talk again.

I'm not planning anything just yet. I may talk to my doctor about how long after my c-section I should wait. She may recommend a year. I certainly won't be so obsessed with the whole thing this time, although I still miss poas :haha: 

It would be lovely to be bump buddies though, sometime soon :thumbup:


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## CaliDreaming

Tui said:


> Hi Cali. Thanks for that.
> 
> I'm not stressing :) just wondered about the logistics of it all. Two close (ish) together would be hard I guess, but over the demanding period quicker. Once they were both three, I could go back to work to ease the financial struggle. Although a bigger gap would be better to handle, I may not have that luxury of time. Besides, I'm getting broody already, lol. Funny how you change your mind. After my horrific birth experience, I swore I wouldn't do it again!

LOL yes time does erase all the bad memories when it comes to childbirth! Seems like you'd have to be incredibly unlucky to have two horrible deliveries back to back. 

I'm sure you will work it out whatever gap you end up with. Just think about all the women our age that end up with twins.


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## Jenny Bean

Cali,
ahhhh twins, lol I was hoping to get that first time around so I could get two babies in one shot, lol

Tui,
Yes, it would be great to be bump buddies.

I hope when we decide to take the plunge its not a long journey, however, that being said at our ages its kinda to be expected!


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## Tui

I was just the same, I thought awww wouldn't it be nice to have twins. Oh my! I'm glad I didn't, I was freaked our with just one, lol. If we got twins next time I would have a major panic attack. I'm still not sure how I'm going to cope as it is :haha:


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## Tui

Ok, so I stopped taking the mini pill a couple of weeks ago as it was giving me 12 day cycles! This weekend DH and I managed to get some adult time for the first time in months. Lo and behold, I get really bad ovulation pains the next day. Oops. DH said, 'oh well lets send some more soldiers up there then' How romantic ehh? Guess this ntnp is getting real.


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## CaliDreaming

LOL, Tui! I guess NTNP= "unofficially TTC".


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## Jenny Bean

Ohhh that's exciting, good luck Tui!!
I hope to be with you next month, lol


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## Maturemama39

Hello-
May I join? This year is the 40 and ttc#2. First month trying so not too hopeful. It has been several years since first, but that one only took one time. Thinking my body is slowing down this time around


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## Bluefairy1

Hi! I'm 38 and our son is 10 months old. This is our 1st month ttc#2 and think I just ovulated yesterday.

I'm a bit worried about how hard it will be with a small age gap but am more worried that time is not on my side. Trying to not get so stressed this time round though..am using opks but not temping as it all got too much last time! Have found I ovulate later in the month then I used to since giving birth.


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## Maturemama39

Bluefairy1 said:


> Hi! I'm 38 and our son is 10 months old. This is our 1st month ttc#2 and think I just ovulated yesterday.
> 
> I'm a bit worried about how hard it will be with a small age gap but am more worried that time is not on my side. Trying to not get so stressed this time round though..am using opks but not temping as it all got too much last time! Have found I ovulate later in the month then I used to since giving birth.

Right there with you on time is not on my side either...starting to stress me out.


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## Tui

Hi everyone. 

Yes it is difficult to relax about the whole ttc/ntnp thing. I'm so in tune with my body nowadays that I don't need opks. Kinda takes away the mystery, lol. 

I still found myself obsessing with pee sticks last month. Unfortunately I got a positive, followed by a negative :( so I was a bit fed up last week. I really wanted a chilled out time of ntnp. My own fault I guess for testing early. I naively thought that because I managed to have N, I wouldn't have any more issues. Not sure I can go through another 4 mc to have another baby. Think it would hurt to much.


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## CaliDreaming

Tui that is great that you can tell when you O without the OPKs. I still am not able to do that. 

Were you able to figure out the cause of the 4 MCs? I can only imagine how heartwrenching that was. :(

AFM: My CBFM should be arriving today! I'm CD1 today so hopefully I can still use it this month.


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## Tui

CaliDreaming said:


> Tui that is great that you can tell when you O without the OPKs. I still am not able to do that.
> 
> Were you able to figure out the cause of the 4 MCs? I can only imagine how heartwrenching that was. :(
> 
> AFM: My CBFM should be arriving today! I'm CD1 today so hopefully I can still use it this month.

I got referred after the first 2 I think, but it takes 3 months to get an appointment. By which time I was pregnant again! This happened twice, but luckily the last one stuck and I got my little boy :cloud9:

I had all the blood tests which came back all clear, and genetic testing was clear too. I think in my case it was probably just age. I'm 40 now and DH is 44 now. Just have to wait for a good egg ;)


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## CaliDreaming

I always thought the rule that you have to wait until you have 3 miscarriages before they investigate to be a little too strict. I can understand that things sort themselves out for some women, but others know that something is wrong. Why put someone through that needlessly? 

Anyway, hopefully all will be fine for you this time around!


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## Tui

I think they refer after one year of trying unsuccessfully too (at my age range) , which includes mc's. Here in NZ anyway. But yes it is hard to wait through three. I guess it's the number where they know it's more than bad luck? One mc is quite common, which I never realised before all this.


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## Jenny Bean

Welcome maturemomma and bluefairy!

I hope to be trying in a few weeks, my LO will be 15 months when I start trying so hopefully it works out quickly for us, I don't want to waste too much time, lol

Cali and Tui, maybe we will all be around the same time, lol


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## Tui

Bit reluctant to try after my chemical, but will see how it goes ;)

Good luck :dust: to all.


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## CaliDreaming

Jenny that would be awesome if we all got pregnant at the same time!! I hope this is a lucky thread!


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## Jenny Bean

Trying to revive this thread again.
How is everyone doing?


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## CaliDreaming

Hi Jenny! We decided to try one month early and I'm in the 2ww now. It was our anniversary weekend and there was a full moon out, so I figured we might as well! I'm not really expecting anything to happen this month though.


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## CaliDreaming

Oh wow, I see you in the 2ww too! Good luck!! It would be a great start to this thread if we both got bfps this month.


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## Jenny Bean

Its my second month of trying, I am not temping or doing anything special to TTC but here's hoping. My period came super early at the beginning of the month so I am not sure what is going on. Maybe bfing is causing this irregularity.


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## CaliDreaming

Yeah, I think bfing does cause irregularity but it's great that you've been getting AFs. Do you test for ovulation?


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## nessaw

Hi my cycles have been wacky so have taken a v low dose of clomid which usually regulate them. Hoping that it means we will ntnp the end of this month/start of next then ttc in Dec. I started a new position at work when I returned from maternity leave so think I should do at least a year-obviously it it magical works and sticks the first time!!


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## Jenny Bean

Cali,
No I haven't tried ovulation sticks....I am just trying on my own for a few cycles, lol, how about you?


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## Jenny Bean

Nesaw, when did you get back to work from mat leave...
I started a new position also but we will see what happens.
I have a long commute so it would be best to find a new job closer but I am giving TTC another go before I make the move.


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## CaliDreaming

Nesaw, maybe you'd have twins with the clomid! I hear you on timing the leave, but it would be nice to get all your TTC out of the way early.

Jenny, yes I'm using a Clearblue easy monitor. I'm always afraid it won't ever happen if I don't track it.


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## Tui

Hi everyone. I'm cautiously kicking off the BFP's :)

I'm 3w4d

Been testing positive for 4 days and had lots of symptoms so I'm hopeful. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Ok who is next?


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## CaliDreaming

Congratulations Tui!!!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance: Our first bfp!!! :cloud9:


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## CaliDreaming

Tui, did you do anything differently this time or were you just going with the flow?? I sometimes wonder if things would happen more quickly for me if I just let things happen instead of trying to micromanage everything. I got pregnant with #2 on a night I didn't have a chance at all.

Also, I'm just realizing that I'm the oldest one on this thread. :wacko:


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## nessaw

Congrats tui that's great news.

Cali unfortunately I lost twins at 15 weeks (not a clomid) pregnancy so that would be my worst nightmare!

I teach so started back full time in Sept as Assistant Head so figure a full year then mat leave next Sept would be good.


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## Tui

Sorry nessaw, that must have been so hard :hugs:

Cali we were much more relaxed about it this time around. Probably didn't have much choice though with a ten month old. He was teething, has a cold and currently going through a sleep regression! We were lucky we got near each other.

I never had much trouble getting pregnant. Keeping them was/is my issue. I can't get betas till next Wednesday so I'm trying to stay calm.


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## nessaw

Our last 3 pgs we dtd every high and peak day on the cbfm. This time round I'm hoping for managing to hit 1 day-2 at a push!


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## Tui

It only takes once! When I had my chemical a couple of cycles back we only dtd once.


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## CaliDreaming

Tui, nessaw, my heart goes out to both of you! I should have paid more attention to your siggies. Tui, hope this is a sticky bean!

AFM, I'm 6 dpo and it seems like this cycle is going to be a bust. Oh well, already mentally preparing for the next.


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## Jenny Bean

Me too Cali,
And I know how the others feel, I have a MC at 10 weeks in May.


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## CaliDreaming

So sorry Jenny! I hate that so many women have had to go through this. :(


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## Jenny Bean

I so want to be hopeful this month but I had spotting yesterday which is a good indication that AF is on its way...I think my cycles are out of whack. My last cycle was 24 days and if I am spotting now, I think it will be early again which means all my bding was all for naught because ovulation timing would be way off.

UGGGG

I just want this to happen fast because of course I am running out of time.


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## Tui

Get some cheap opks from ebay. My cycles have been all over the place since having N. You need to know when you are ovulating for a good chance of a bfp, lol. 

Im lucky in that the ovulation pain I feel is unmistakable. I don't need opks any more. Really hurts sometimes. That and my tummy blows up like a balloon!


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## Jenny Bean

Hi Tui,
I thought my ovulation cues were good too, like cramping and CM but now I am not so sure.
I may have to pick some up for next month


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## CaliDreaming

Jenny, the spotting could be implantation bleeding so all is not lost. It's the right time frame for that to happen. 

Tui, I wish my ovulation pains were that unmistakable. I do feel mild pain with ovulation but it's not that strong or distinct, so if I'm not really paying attention I miss it. Sometimes it feels like it could be gas or something else.


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## Jenny Bean

I hope so Cali....your right all is not lost until AF comes so we shall see :)
Its funny but the only time me and my husband do it is to TTC lol we are too tired or busy otherwise ahhh


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## CaliDreaming

Yeah. Sadly there is no sexy time for us either. It's usually a choice between sleep and sec and sleep has been winning. 

Afm I'm 8 dpo and haven't had any cramping or bleeding so it looks like I'm officially out. With both my pregnancies I had those. Looks like it's going to be another long two years. &#9785;&#65039;


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## Bluefairy1

Hi ladies. Congrats Tui!

2nd cycle ttc #2 and I've just had a chemical pregnancy :(. I got a bfp on a frer and 1-2 weeks on a clearblue digital 2 days before my period was due but a week later I started bleeding. I had a feeling something was up as the lines on subsequent tests never got any darker. Feeling very down about it as we had allowed ourselves to get a bit excited.


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## Tui

Sorry bluefairy, that sucks. Will you try again straight away?


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## Bluefairy1

Thanks Tui. Yes we will. Hoping it won't have messed my cycle up too much.


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## Jazzbird

Hello - Can I join? Big 4 0 for me next week. My daughter is 25 months old ... Been ttc for about 6 months although not very hard if you know what I mean! I have very mixed feelings about having another as my girl is the sweetest, happiest little soul and life is easy with her. I think she'd love some company.

Not too crazy about pregnancy or birth as had a rough time and rough recovery ...


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## Jenny Bean

I know what you mean Jazz bird.
I think it gets especially hard when we are getting older too, plus we have less time to think about having a second child.
I want my little one to have a sibling so bad but with each passing month it gets harder and harder to believe it will happen.

Good luck to you.


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## nessaw

So am in for this month! Had a little oopsy Sat am which I then woke out was cd11 so will wait and see. Not too worried if nothing comes of it this time as Sept would be a better edd.
I know exactly what you mean jazz.
hi all.x


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## CaliDreaming

I'm just seeing your post now BlueFairy1. So sorry about the CP. :(

Jazzbird, I can totally relate to feeling like it's not going to happen but at the same time worrying about how another child would affect the one you already have. The age thing just makes those feelings worse. 

AFM, I don't think we're going to be able to make a try this month because of our work schedules. DH is having to work some late nights this week and I don't see how we'll be able to squeeze it in.


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## Jazzbird

Thanks ladies for your support. I have some local mum friends who think my fears are a sign I shouldn't have another one. It's nice to know you all understand. I literally flip from fearing I'll never have another child to being terrified I'm pregnant! Will be testing this weekend but pretty sure I'm not this month.


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## CaliDreaming

Oh wow that's pretty extreme to say that those feelings are a reason not to have another. I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way and good because it is a huge change that you need to prepare for.


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## Tui

I felt like that Jazz, totally normal I think. Jeesh I panicked with the first baby once I knew everything was ok, despite being desperately wanted. Any change to our situation is daunting. 

Good luck. Stay away from that friend, lol.


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## Jazzbird

Caved in and tested 3 days before AF due and BFN. Eight such a rollercoaster of emotions. At least I won't be puking at Christmas time!


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## nessaw

Hi all. Got a Bfp yesterday. Not really expecting it-cycles have been all over the place and tricking me with pg symptoms so just ignored it this cycle! By lmp am 4+6 but by bding prob a couple of days more. Waiting for msg from Rmc consultant to hopefully get progesterone again. Fingers crossed.x


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## Tui

Congratulations ! Yay.


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## NotShowing

I am almost 40, 39 now and trying for a second child. I want them to be close in ages too. I feel like time is running out, but I may actually be pregnant. Don't have the "guts" to take a test too soon. I am 3 days past due. I regularly chart my ovulation days and keep up with everything concerning my periods. My main issue is that I take a medication that can raise your prolactin levels and cause you to not have your period. I never had this before, even when I was trying to conceive. So, it could be that, so I am not 100% convinced I am pregnant. DH doesn't want me to test until I am really late too. Had extremely bad cramping starting the first day I was late and the second day too. Now, today, I don't have any cramps. I am so excited even to be late! Baby dust


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## CaliDreaming

Notshowing, I sure hope you are pregnant. Strong cramping can indeed be associated with pregnancy. Good luck!

Congrats Nessaw!!! I don't know how I missed your big news!! Hope all is going well with your pregnancy! :happydance::happydance:


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## nessaw

Good luck not showing.

At the mo all ok. Twins suspected at 5+3 confirmed at 7+3. Waiting to see if they share a sac. If they don't our odds are better if they do it could be a rocky road. We lost twins at 14+5 3 years ago to twin to twin transfusion so I'm really struggling to make any sort of bond with the pg. Just waiting it out...


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## CaliDreaming

Nessaw, I'll be sending all the positive vibes your way I can. The prospect of twins must be exciting and frightening at the same time. I hope they don't share a sac and your pregnancy can proceed without as much worry.


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## Jenny Bean

Good luck Nesaw, I am praying for a positive result for you!


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