# *venting here* Not so happy with having a boy :(



## Dahlia05

Man... I can't believe how this can affect me I am pretty sad that it is a boy. I really wanted a sister for my daughter. 

I'm scared to tell my own mom that I might have a boy. She will freak out, lol. She said, "If it is a boy, he's not welcome here. Boys are horrible! Look at all our family friends' sons they're lazy, messy, etc. Look at your brother too."

I called my father (he's one of the best person to vent). I told him not to tell mom that this one might be a boy. I know he won't. I've always been a daddy's little girl to him. I know this may sound bad... I even told him that I might give him for adoption if it is a boy. My dad said that he'll gladly adopt him.

I'm scared to deal with their rowdy attitude, messiness, laziness, ...might get into bad crowds (Drugs...etc). Not wanting to study. Be rebellious. Vice versa... All the family friends' sons either got into drugs, got nowhere, messy, lazy, drop out, ... all the moms wished they only had girls. I'm scared now I don't want my life to be ruined. I have a younger brother. He wasn't easy at all. My parents tried so hard with everything for him. He gave them so much troubles. My mom cried enough time because of him. I even hated him for giving them so much trouble too. He was very rebellious. 

I am very thankful that I have a daughter who is well behaved & is wonderful. I love her to death. I'm scared that I might favour her more over my son. 

I'm pretty down now. I can't believe how it is affecting me... I am scared to what my life will look like. I don't want to deal with so many troubles because over my son. I don't tolerate well with messiness & laziness. 

end of venting here...


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## ILoveYouZandT

Woah woah WOAH!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't even finish your post! You have a HUGE MISCONCEPTION on gender, and boys in general! HOLY HOLY HOLY HOLY!! Slower down there!!!!!!!! 

I have two son's. They're amazing children. They're loving, caring, gentle, sweet. Do you know how many times I heard "I love you mommy" today?!?! Probably about 100 times, no joke. My oldest tells me literally every 10 minutes! Do you know how many random leg hugs I got today? My younger son walks up to me also about every 10 minutes and lays his head against my leg and squeezes me. 

Your children will be messy if you are a sloppy housekeeper and don't teach them how to take care of themselves and their surroundings. 

Are you planning on treating your son like complete and utter crap? Like he's worthless and deserves nothing? Then yes, that broken relationship will raise the likelihood that he could get involved with drug and criminal activity. These things are not a given when you have a boy. Not every male is a slob. Not every male does those things. Do you have a husband?! Is that what he does?! 

And a drop out?! Guess what dear, I'm a female, I came from a home with a proper mom and dad, I was always a good kid, I did not get involved in drugs or other activities. I was to responsible for my own good really! But drop out I did. At 13 years old. I am 24 and am still not graduated. I went back after being out of school since then and did 11/12 courses with straight A's. All I need is too complete a math course and I'm good to go. 

We all have our own path, and that path is not guided by our gender! I honestly think you need some hardcore counselling. To me it seems like you have some extremely deep seeded issues going around inside you. 

I have friends with little girls, plenty of friends with little girls, they are not better than my son's. They're no less attitude-filled than your average toddler. As a matter of fact, they act like little princesses and get away with everything because that's what their parents allow. Shit, if I based my desire for a daughter on the little girls I know in my life I would 100% not want one and would stick with wanting boys! But MY children will always be different and more tolerable than OTHERS children. 

If you've raised your daughter to be a proper nice little girl, then the chances are you will do the same with a son. Your ideals on gender are a bit crazy to me. I can't quite wrap my head around them. So I'm sorry if I offend. I mean, I hear the average tale on why people want a particular gender but yours is based on no reality whatsoever. 

So I will stop there. Wow!


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## ILoveYouZandT

I wasn't going to say it, but after seeing your awful comment on your other thread, I've decided to add.

Please do yourself a favor and stop having children after this one. Every pregnancy will have a 50% chance of being a boy, how many boys are you willing to give up to get your second girl? 

I apologize to you, and everyone who may find my posts rude. Perhaps it's the pregnancy hormones. But really I think you've just completely offended a mother of two BEAUTIFUL son's. 

How could you say your daughter will hate him? Already?! And if your daughter is oh so lovely, why at 3 years old would you imagine she would be so capable of hate simply because her sibling has a penis? 

I can say with 1000% certainty that if I felt the way you did towards a child, I would have my tubes tied. 

I feel very sad for your son.


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## Rozie_1985

Deleted before admin removed it themselves.

Angry!


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## patooti

I don't get it... before you found out the sex you posted this in your other thread...



> Hmm... I don't mind either gender I already have a little girl here. If it is another little girl here, this will be nice for my older girl to have a sister to bond with. A brother is nice too. I get along well with my younger brother, who is also an awesome uncle to my little girl. He's like a big kid at heart.
> 
> Erm, no I don't have a better picture hopefully thenext ultrasound will be better!

Were you lying to yourself thinking/hoping it would be a girl or have you gone a bit over the top since finding out and just lost the plot.

I can't relate and don't understand your reasons but there is something unhealthy going on here I think and I think you should really try to get some support/help or counselling. I don't think this is a "normal" gender disappointment reaction.


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## jamhs

Agree with above! Seriously my boys are the best things in my life!!


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## Christine33

Your attitude is just vile. I feel for the wee lad you are carrying. I have a son aged 4 and he is NOTHING like the description of boys you gave. In fact, all wee boys are awesome, loads of fun and have a loving cuddly side. Get a grip of yourself. Your post truly shocked me.


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## stevesgirl1

Also removing my post before someone else does...


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## Hemmo

Now I don't think we should all be so harsh on the OP. She has come to the right place to express her feelings and she should be free to do so. Obviously everyone has an opinion but there's no need to border on being nasty.

OP, while I can't say I understand how you feel (pregnant with my first, a boy!) I can understand your need to vent. It sounds like your Mum has a lot to do with the way you feel about boys, but as you say your Dad is great to you so not all men are awful!

It might seem like it's all boys who do drugs, get into trouble etc etc, but a lot of the time they come from broken homes or have terrible relationships with their parents/family. If you raise him right and give him the same love you give your daughter there is absolutely no reason why he can't grow up to be a loving and gentle human being, as many of the Mums on here will tell you.

All the best honey :)


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## Dahlia05

Um... to some ladies here, I came to a different forum...hence: "Gender Disappointment". 

I don't understand why you are here? You shouldn't be here to bash at me. Just don't bother coming to this section or even, yet...if you have nothing to say but to criticize...don't bother coming to this section! Simple as that! I don't understand why do you bother coming here & to read?? To judge?? I was told to come here & yet I find the same bunch here from the other forum who've already read it. 

I mistakenly posted the other post (not knowing this such forum existed). So sorry for posting at the other forum. Again, hence: "Gender Disappointment" forum. Why are some of you here? IF you know what's this forum is about. *shakes my head* just more drama I guess.


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## edigirl82

It's one thing being disappointed in having a baby of a particular sex, I can understand that.

But to make judgements on a little ones character purely because of his/her gender before it's even born, is (in my mind) a tad harsh! I really hope that when your little guy is born that you can forget the gender stereotypes and what others have planted in your mind and manage to fall hopelessly in love with him


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## angela2011

As a mother of 3 boys 1 girl and another boy on the way I am shocked on your views of boys. I love my girl to no end as I do my boys and am so very blessed that I have a girl but she makes so much more messes than my boys ever could . Sure I would love my daughter to have a sister but she loves her brothers and they adore her and is so excited she is going to have a baby brother. All boys do not grow up to be lazy messy good for nothing people. If my sons grow up to be half the man as my husband I will be super proud. My boys are kind polite and very loving as is my daughter They are so much fun and they are so sweet they include my daughter in everything so she want feel left out. It makes me laugh to see my 5 year old play with his batman cave with his superhero figures and my 3 year old daughter playing right along beside him with her barbie doll and it becomes Barbie vs batman. Your children will become how you raise them to be not because of their gender. So sorry you have such a bad view on boys because they are great and loving. Children are messy but that is all kids and that is how they learn. My 8 year old son is the best cleaner I know. He loves to surprise me and cleans his room perfect and I praise him for it and he goes on to clean the whole house spotless just to please me he is not at all lazy. Boys and girls are blessings just having a child is a blessing. Really hope you can come to terms with a boy and see how lucky you are and if my mom reacted that way then she would never see any of my kids.


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## henrysmumkaz

I'm sorry to have to say this but it sounds very much like this thought process stems from your mother who was clearly a shitty mum to your brother.

If you are the product of bad parenting then you probably will end up a total loser in life. 

If you bring your son up in the way that you do your daughter and don't treat him as a second rate human being like you describe boys to be, then he will be a lovely little guy.

My son, my first born, is an absolute delight. He was the lowest maintenance baby ever and now is the most adorable loving toddler. He is a polite and well behaved, gorgeous little man because thats what I'm bringing him up to be like.

If you give them the right start in life, this goes for BOTH genders, there is more of a chance they will turn into decent human beings. Treat them like shit and resent them and they'll end up hating you and the world.


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## flashy09

I think it's the part about wanting to adopt him out that got me!


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## MeAndMyShadow

This thread pissed me right off...not even sure I can comment, but I'm sick of boys getting a bad rap! I have 2 beautiful and wonderful boys and I find this shocking....it's like a slap in the face! Poor little boy, I hope you realize when he comes how amazing he is!


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## henrysmumkaz

And furthermore, you've got to expect the ladies here to be protective of their/our boys. We ALL understand gender disappointment or we wouldn't be here. But such extreme opinions are going to offend mummys to little boys. We have personal mummy experience and you do not. I'm not being unfair here, you may have had some experience of boys, your brother for example, but its not in any way the same as having your own. 

You will see, if you bring him up no different to your daughter, that he will be every bit as wonderful as she is. And you'll look back at these thoughts and wonder what on earth you were thinking. I guarantee it.


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## cckarting

I agree with all you ladies, especially i love! This post has me just floored, and sad. I would rather have 100 sons and no daughters than to give up my child based on gender, it really does hurt that you think so terribly of men/boys. My boys are the sweetest, most kind, loving children, not to mention their caring, funny, spunky. I would hope that if i ever did have a daughter they would be just like them! I know other boys/girls of other people who are terrible children but is it because of their gender, absolutely not! it's due to the half rate parenting they encounter! I know my boys will grow up to be well mannered respectable men because that's how were raising our boys! my dh is probably the best man i could have ever asked for! he works hard at work, spends as much time as he can with the kids, tells me he loves me every night and doesn't most the house work!!! So i'm sorry you have such a shitty view on men, but you are very very wrong and if you push these views on your son, when he turns out horribly and he will it will be YOUR fault, not his!


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## Liesje

Children are all individuals, everyone can defend their boys until they're blue in the face but that doesn't mean another person's boy or girl will turn out to be the same as their child.
It sounds like you're already setting your son up to be exactly like you imagine, into drugs, lazy, dirty, etc. those things are caused by low self esteem. Want to know what causes low self esteem? Being unwanted by your own mother. Girls will turn out exactly the same way if you treat them like that, go talk to any drug addicted prostitute and as them why they're there.


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## Armywife

Dahlia05 said:


> Man... I can't believe how this can affect me I am pretty sad that it is a boy. I really wanted a sister for my daughter.
> 
> I'm scared to tell my own mom that I might have a boy. She will freak out, lol. She said, "If it is a boy, he's not welcome here. Boys are horrible! Look at all our family friends' sons they're lazy, messy, etc. Look at your brother too."
> 
> I called my father (he's one of the best person to vent). I told him not to tell mom that this one might be a boy. I know he won't. I've always been a daddy's little girl to him. I know this may sound bad... I even told him that I might give him for adoption if it is a boy. My dad said that he'll gladly adopt him.
> 
> I'm scared to deal with their rowdy attitude, messiness, laziness, ...might get into bad crowds (Drugs...etc). Not wanting to study. Be rebellious. Vice versa... All the family friends' sons either got into drugs, got nowhere, messy, lazy, drop out, ... all the moms wished they only had girls. I'm scared now I don't want my life to be ruined. I have a younger brother. He wasn't easy at all. My parents tried so hard with everything for him. He gave them so much troubles. My mom cried enough time because of him. I even hated him for giving them so much trouble too. He was very rebellious.
> 
> I am very thankful that I have a daughter who is well behaved & is wonderful. I love her to death. I'm scared that I might favour her more over my son.
> 
> I'm pretty down now. I can't believe how it is affecting me... I am scared to what my life will look like. I don't want to deal with so many troubles because over my son. I don't tolerate well with messiness & laziness.
> 
> end of venting here...

Just WOW! :dohh:

I don't know where to start! Firstly, yes, this is a forum for gender disappointment but what you have said takes it beyond that! Gender disappointment is feeling desperate for one sex over another, and, obviously, disappointed if you don't get the gender you hope for. These emotions can run very deep and be hard to deal with, lots of women struggle with the internal tug of war (myself included at the minute - I'm desperate for a boy). HOWEVER... You took that and went overboard entirely, you didn't just blur the lines between personal feelings and being offensive to others, you erased the bloody line entirely! 

I'm absolutely flabbergasted at your views of men/boys! I understand wanting one particular gender, as do the majority of us ladies here but to slate half the population based upon your mothers (and your own) narrow minded opinions of men is, frankly, very sad. The males in your life may well be as you've described but I honestly, genuinely, don't personally know any as you've described. My husband is in the army, he's been to the most hellish places on earth to fight for us - lazy? Messy? Rebellious? Not even close! Imagine if a man came and posted here that he didn't want a girl as they are only good for staying in the kitchen and cooking, that they are whiney and soft - would you agree that's all your dd is good for?!

My sister and I have never been close yet I love my brother with all my heart and speak to him every single day. 

No one on here will judge you for wanting a girl but when you yourself are so judgemental as to stereotype males as you have, you can hardly cry at being judged yourself.


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## mrsholmes

It's not that I agree with the op post but I think she felt she was able to come here and say true feelings without even thinking about it, a lot of people post here not really giving reasons and saying how they don't want a boy/ girl etc.

If it was my mother I would tell her to shove it and she wouldn't see either of my children!

I really wanted a girl but since having Scott my opinion has changed he's so loving, cleaver and funny, im sure ull be fine and use this time to bond with him x


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## Willow87

I would love to have a girl with my first. If it turns out to be a boy, I might be like, "oh.. ok well!" When you get pregnant, you take the gamble. There is nothing wrong with having a preferance but to be soooooo negative and horrible AND WRONG about boys is just mind boggling. 

If you don't want him and feel like you are going to be a horrible mother to him, which seems like it from the first post, then give him up for adoption. 

I do think you will fall in love with him the minute he is born. Start buying some baby boy items and try to bond. There is no point in dwelling and being hysterical because that baby is what it is now. A BEAUTIFUL BOY. Get used to it.


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## ILoveYouZandT

Dahlia05 said:


> Um... to some ladies here, I came to a different forum...hence: "Gender Disappointment".
> 
> I don't understand why you are here? You shouldn't be here to bash at me. Just don't bother coming to this section or even, yet...if you have nothing to say but to criticize...don't bother coming to this section! Simple as that! I don't understand why do you bother coming here & to read?? To judge?? I was told to come here & yet I find the same bunch here from the other forum who've already read it.
> 
> I mistakenly posted the other post (not knowing this such forum existed). So sorry for posting at the other forum. Again, hence: "Gender Disappointment" forum. Why are some of you here? IF you know what's this forum is about. *shakes my head* just more drama I guess.

I post here, and have been posting here for sometime because I crave a daughter just as bad as the next person who wants their gender dream. I do not have a daughter already, I want the relationship with her, I want to buy dresses.. I just simply want the experience. If I find out that this baby is a boy, I will cry, if I find out it's a girl I will cry.

Different reason's perhaps. But I will not hate him and I will not regret him and I would never give him up. And even though I know my eldest will have a hard time with the idea of a second brother, I would never say he is going to hate him. I will teach him to accept and love his brother with his whole heart, the same way I would anyone or anything else. 

I have bought pink items already for the little girl I pray that I'm carrying. I open up my closet several times a week to look at them, pick them up and I just cry. I want a daughter so badly it hurts. BUT I will love this baby no matter who he/she turns out to be because I made the conscious choice to have another BABY. Not just to have a daughter, but a baby in general. I knew my chances when I got pregnant. 

Someone used the word "vile" and it does completely sum up your outlook on this. All of us in this forum have our reasons for our desire of a particular gender. A lot of us have suffered the grief of not getting the one we wanted so bad. But I can't think of anyone else who has said the hurtful things you have. 

How could you make a post like this and not expect this kind of backlash?! If I'd have to guess, there are likely more son's throughout these forums than there are daughters as the majority of people are trying to get their daughters. Of course you're going to majorly offend people! My main guess is that your friends and family who are parents are MAJORLY lacking in the parenting department! How else could ya'll end up with that many bad male influences to push you to feel this way?! 

And I saw someone who had posted your previous comments. So what is this? Come here and make some outrageous post to get peoples juices flowing? Come on now.


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## patooti

I am still confused by her earlier post about her great reltionship with her own brother and happy acceptance of either sex that then turned into feeling she was carrying a demon spawn drug addict just like her evil brother. 

I understand gender disappointment. Before I knew the sex of my LO I wanted and thought she would be girl and I have always wanted a girl and might get only one chance because I am older. When I found out boy it set me back because I felt just like well I don't know like my image of the future that i had bonded to was gone. But that is TOTALLY different to throwing and irrational tantrum about how horrible your sweet baby boy will be. Take some time to think rationally about it please. You can still be sad your baby is not the second girl you wanted and even afraid you won't know how to raise him to be a good little man but the way you are going to conclusions is not healthy for you or him and it is not based in fact and it is NOT consistent with what you were saying before you found out. 

I don't want to insult you but I encourage you to stop and think rationally for a minute. Seriously also maybe you are suffering from depression etc I don't think it is typically to suddenly shift from thinking either sex is fine to wanting to give the baby away. I am not being mean when I suggest you get some help.


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## Dahlia05

patooti said:


> I am still confused by her earlier post about her great reltionship with her own brother and happy acceptance of either sex that then turned into feeling she was carrying a demon spawn drug addict just like her evil brother.
> 
> I understand gender disappointment. Before I knew the sex of my LO I wanted and thought she would be girl and I have always wanted a girl and might get only one chance because I am older. When I found out boy it set me back because I felt just like well I don't know like my image of the future that i had bonded to was gone. But that is TOTALLY different to throwing and irrational tantrum about how horrible your sweet baby boy will be. Take some time to think rationally about it please. You can still be sad your baby is not the second girl you wanted and even afraid you won't know how to raise him to be a good little man but the way you are going to conclusions is not healthy for you or him and it is not based in fact and it is NOT consistent with what you were saying before you found out.
> 
> I don't want to insult you but I encourage you to stop and think rationally for a minute. Seriously also maybe you are suffering from depression etc I don't think it is typically to suddenly shift from thinking either sex is fine to wanting to give the baby away. I am not being mean when I suggest you get some help.

I understand your point of view here. For a long time, my brother & I did not have any relationship. He was quite rebellious toward his family. He went everything toward against us & didn't make our life easier. Yes, he is a good uncle to my daughter now. My father (who is the most loving & kind man) had a heart attack because he was stressing out so much with my brother, he stopped eating, sleeping, etc. He was very worried. I hated my brother for making so much troubles toward my parents. My parents did their very best in raising us with all of their hearts. Unfortunately, my brother wasn't easy at all. Now that he is an adult, he is good to my daughter & I am thankful for that. I didn't expected this. My mother also didn't have a good relationship with her own brother, who gave a hell to his parents & herself too. I guess we were unlucky here with some of the males we had in our families who were quite difficult to deal with. My father is just rare in my eyes. I am just scared that I will put all my energy in trying to raise my son well & in the end, he will become like my brother or that estranged uncle. I've been there & I've seen how much heart breaks he did to my parents. My father was praying that I would have a daughter when I was pregnant with number 1. His personal experience raising a daughter was so much easier. 

I also very strongly wanted to give my daughter a sister that I never had. I wanted her to have this special bonding time with a sister. Is there something wrong in that??

I'm sorry if I am offending some of the people on here. I have receieved many supportive private messages here. These people are scared to admit their feelings on here & that they will get bashed too. For those here that want to judge & bash, clearly, aren't in my shoes & don't know why I feel this way. I don't say this out of my bum. I am stating from my own personal experience. Maybe pregnancy hormones are acting up and I am being emotional. I am not usually an emotional person. It just hit me yesterday. I just found out the news. In the back of my mind, I was really hoping a girl but never ever imagined that I would feel this strongly when I found out that I am having a boy. This is all new feelings for me. 

I was hoping to hear some guidance on how to deal with it. If anyone went through something... maybe could give me some guides. I am getting plenty from the private messages (who are nervous to post on here). I don't blame them. I can see that I shouldn't have said openly here, stating my feelings on here. Clearly, some people will never understand & aren't in my shoes. Who are you to judge here? You don't know me. You take everything literally & making the devil out of me. 

To the previous comment, with 2 sons & wanting a girl so badly. I am not in your shoes & I wouldn't judged you if you had your say on here. Everyone is in a different position here with different experiences. 

Clearly, I can't say much here... I never shared my feelings out loud to anyone outside... I thought I should get my feelings out here... hoping to find some piece of guidance. Of course, I may say something irrational like "adoption"... do you think I'll intentionally do this?? :dohh: I just found out yesterday & am still trying to digest all the new feelings now.


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## Samie18

The disappointment when you get the opposite of what you want is horrible but will get better.
I just think the adoption bit seems very extreme. when you get pregnant its because you should want a baby.

Im sure your a fab mum to your little girl and will bring your boy up to be a wonderful person who you will be so proud of.
Just take time to adjust to how your new family will be and enjoy planning for him and buying him things and making him a 'real' person and hopefully it will get better
x


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## BeccaxBump

I have no freakin' idea what to say to this...
To say you'd have him adopted if he is a boy is rotten. I'd never give my baby up! I'd of loved her if she was a boy.
Disgusting...


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## _jellybean_

I honestly think that maybe it would help you to talk to a professional, like a counselor or a therapist. Your gender disappointment seems severe (and your misconceptions about gender also seem radical to me), and I really think that a professional will better know how to help you through.


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## cckarting

Did you ever think that your brother was so "horrible" because your mother didn't want a son because she "hated her brother because her parents had a hard time with him"? Was he treated differently from you? Treat your children equally and they will turn out as you make them, no one else but you can shape them into the people they become!


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## No1showgirl

I really think its time to stop critisising OP now. Infact, i didnt know so many people "lurked" on this part of the forum....Im now personally wondering if this is really a safe place to post anything GD related - it seems to me some people could just be here sifting through the posts waiting for something like this to flair up. 

Things get said in the heat of the moment, OP is obviously suffering GD greater than most on here so cut her some slack. Yes i was shocked by the "adoption" thing, but im telling you, strange things go through your mind when going through GD - especially in the early stages. It can send you pretty loopy - and you wont understand that unless you have experienced it. 

OP - If you want some support feel free to PM me.


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## Liesje

I got here from the 'new posts' section... The title caught my eye, having boys I was going to come here to reassure the OP... I was kind of surprised by what I read.


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## blinkava

Dahlia05 said:


> Man... I can't believe how this can affect me I am pretty sad that it is a boy. I really wanted a sister for my daughter.
> 
> I'm scared to tell my own mom that I might have a boy. She will freak out, lol. She said, "If it is a boy, he's not welcome here. Boys are horrible! Look at all our family friends' sons they're lazy, messy, etc. Look at your brother too."
> 
> I called my father (he's one of the best person to vent). I told him not to tell mom that this one might be a boy. I know he won't. I've always been a daddy's little girl to him. I know this may sound bad... I even told him that I might give him for adoption if it is a boy. My dad said that he'll gladly adopt him.
> 
> I'm scared to deal with their rowdy attitude, messiness, laziness, ...might get into bad crowds (Drugs...etc). Not wanting to study. Be rebellious. Vice versa... All the family friends' sons either got into drugs, got nowhere, messy, lazy, drop out, ... all the moms wished they only had girls. I'm scared now I don't want my life to be ruined. I have a younger brother. He wasn't easy at all. My parents tried so hard with everything for him. He gave them so much troubles. My mom cried enough time because of him. I even hated him for giving them so much trouble too. He was very rebellious.
> 
> I am very thankful that I have a daughter who is well behaved & is wonderful. I love her to death. I'm scared that I might favour her more over my son.
> 
> I'm pretty down now. I can't believe how it is affecting me... I am scared to what my life will look like. I don't want to deal with so many troubles because over my son. I don't tolerate well with messiness & laziness.
> 
> end of venting here...

As a mother of 2 wonderful boys and another little boy on the way, I feel so offended by this post, but I know I can't judge. You did come to the gender disappointment section and you have a right to vent and speak your feelings, but I feel you don't have the right idea about boys. My boys are the most loving and wonderful kids around, they always protect me and are my little mama's boys. Your views on boys seem to come from your mother, and I would break the cycle right now. A baby boy or girl is a gift, there are a lot of women on this site who can't conceive and you being the lucky one are thinking about putting your baby up for adoption because he is not the right gender. You should seriously rethink your reaction and just imagine how blessed you are to be having a baby at all.


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## jenniferttc1

I can understand you disappointment to an extent. I think you well above the bar of serious gender disappointment though. I cany help but feel sad that your son is not here and you already class him as being an awful boy. I can promise you, you will feel silly for feeling this way and your feelings will change when you hold him. I didn't even want boys and now I would be thrilled with 10 of them. Not all boys are bad, but if you treat him differently then yes he will be a "bad boy". Give the baby a chance to steal your heart.


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## jenniferttc1

Op don't take it to hard. Us mommys of boys just know how wonderful it is, and you will feel the same way too once he is here. I think a lot of responses ate women getting defensive over their boys and I felt the same way. On this forum you just always hear people talking down on boys and so highly of girls. I personally think boys are the best, but that's probably cause I have a son and no daughter so its hard to understand what is so great about girls.


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## jamhs

I can understand feelings of disappointment when you found out, even that you were unprepared for those feelings to hit you so hard. I guess the reason so many mothers of boys got upset by them is because of our feelings for our own boys. We love love them and know how wonderful they are and hate to think that someone is already judging them just because they are boys. Think of it like someone coming on here saying how disgusted they are having a girl because she will end up a slut and sleeping around and getting pregnant young and whine and be a diva and is pathetic because she is a girl and I want to just give her away. It's not true at all, and wouldn't you want to defend you your precious daughter? You know she won't end up like that because you know you'll raise her to be a good person. That is all that I think the majority of us are feeling. You sound like you have a great dad, so work on raising your boy to be like him. Teach him to clean up after himself(I take toys away if they aren't cleaned up, so they have learned fast to tidy!) teach him hard work and the importance of being kind. You will be the one to teach him what he'll become so work on passing on to him all the values and respect that he will need to grow up into a great man. Good luck with all that you are feeling and I hope that you can come to love your new baby with as much love as you do your daughter. It might take him being born and the first time he looks up at you and grabs your finger as if to say how much he needs you for it to fall into place, but I'm sure it will.


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## OmarsMum

Wow, OP was advised to post in the right section, yet some of you decided to follow her here to stir things up before she received any replies. 

Many of your comments are really harsh, OP just found out she's having a boy, there are nicer ways to tell her that she will be fine raising a boy! 

To OP, I was raised with 3 brothers, I wanted a girl, I cried when I found out that I was having a boy, but when I held him in my arms everything changed. He's the sweetest boy, he's very sensitive & empathetic. I wouldn't change him for the world. 

If you don't have a good advise for OP to help her overcome her feelings, step back & leave the thread, She's not looking for insults, she's is looking for HELP & Some support to overcome her feelings & disappointment. 

OP, if you feel that you can't get over your gender disappointment, try to seek professional help Hun, not all boys are the same xx


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## mrsholmes

In Wales they have something called the PRAMs teams it's for women with really bad depression I know that they also work with women that are not coping with pregnancy for whatever reason . Maybe worth asking midwife? 

I think the op is saying how she feels and should be supported. I coped well with my GD but could have easily gone the other way.


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## Dahlia05

Thank you to a few mums here for understanding & giving me some supports. I truly appreciate it.

I was quite disappointed to see some jugdemental comments on here. You can't really open your true feelings. So I can see in the near future, not to open up so much & just to shut things away. 

I thought I'd come here, thinking ok lots of mums are pregnant, probably dealing with hormones/emotionalities too, would understand more. I guess I was wrong for some here. Of course, mums with boys, will be defensive but I didn't think that it would go to this extent. At least, they would have been smart enough not to post anything & just don't comment or left the thread alone... thinking: maybe this pregnant woman (me) is going through some hormones or something. 

I spoke to my husband, who was very supportive of what I am going through. Even as a male, he never bashed or judged me this harshly. He understand that I am not being myself now. I know I am not. He said you're different when you're pregnant, more emotional now. I know. I can be irrational now. I never said that I wasn't. I am coping with it. Part of it, because I lost my baby (who was supposed to be a girl) last December 2011. I was devastated. 

When I got pregnant again, I was hoping that it would be "her"...coming back. I know this may sound silly. It has lots to do with everything. Like I said, for those who judged/bashed me, clearly don't know me & my experiences.

I am slowly accepting it that I am having a boy. I know I will. I just needed some supports.

Thank you again for a few here.


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## Mummy2B21

Your son will be whoever YOU guide him to be, if you are a good mother and teach all the right things inspire him to be the best then he can achieve anything, If you bring him up believing he is going to end up in trouble and put no effort into raising a amazing man then sure he could possibly end up the way you discribe, your children learn by example you teach them well give them inspirations they can acheive.Gender makes no difference it is a pretty lame excuse your mother obviously didnt bither with her son as much as her daughter/s maybe she had favouritism a girl can just as much go off the rails as a boy it depends on YOUR parenting to lead and guide them into respectable adults.


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## Phantom

I know there are a lot of angry people after reading what you wrote, but I'm going to approach this without judgement if I can because something you said hit home for me about not wanting to tell your mom its a boy. When I found out I was having a boy I didn't want to tell anyone either. Everyone was expecting and wanted it to be a girl. I cried coming home from the ultrasound and felt very guilty because of it. But in all honesty, a child is a child. For thousands of years boys were the best gift! Husbands used to kill their wives if they wouldn't give them a son! Now people want girls because they like pretty pink dresses. Its different than it used to be, but it doesn't have to be. 

My son (whom I was scared to have because I didn't know what to do with a boy) is the most amazing kid. And wherever we go he turns heads because he's "prettier" than most girls. It's very different from what I expected and I can't imagine having a girl instead. You will love him. And others will too. If they don't, they need help.


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## tinkerbelle93

I agree that it's down to parenting how your children turn out, nothing to do with gender. 

I mean you get girls who are lazy or selfish or messy, or who don't bother with school and you get girls who fall in with the wrong crowd and turn to drugs etc. You also get boys who are sweet and intelligent and motivated who don't any of that! And vice versa.. those things have nowt to do with gender! 

i hope you see sense soon and feel better. I also hope your mother changes her mind, it's sad :( xx


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## lori

To the OP: :hugs: Much of what you wrote in your original post hurt me very much as a mom of two lovely boys, but I do understand feeling disappointed and feeling and saying all kinds of irrational things without necessarily meaning them. I've always wanted a daughter and I cried both times I heard "boy". When I found out that my second was another boy, I got hung up on all kinds of negative stereotypes and just couldn't see any version of the universe where my boys were going to be different. You've gotten some harsh replies, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt because it sounds like you're hurting and because you haven't had the opportunity to see how awesome boys can be.

It's going to be ok :hugs:

You may have a hard time believing it when people tell you this (I know I did), but get ready to experience a whole new kind of love. Little boys are amazing and you're about to learn so much. I wish I could invite you to come have a coffee on my couch and watch my oldest son play. He would melt your heart. He's loving, affectionate, smart, and _so funny_. My youngest (almost 6 months) is a doll. Sometimes when I look at him I tear up wondering how I could have ever wished for anyone different to join our family. I still want a daughter very badly and I worry that I'll never get to experience it, but I've learned that sometimes the universe has a better plan for my life and family than I could have ever dreamed up on my own. 

If my next baby is another boy, I'll be crushed. I will cry. I might even sink into another depression even though I should know better by now. Don't be too hard on yourself or take the replies you've received to heart. We're all hurting to some degree, that's why we're posting in this section. 

I promise you that one day you're going to look back on this and marvel at how much more complete your life and your family feels with your little boy.


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## Kitten-B

No judgement (while I understand a lot of the shocked reactions I don't think the GD forum should be this judgemental) - but just wanted to say i think you are in for the nicest surprise of your life. I'd never have thought it before Sam but wee boys are just so so special, especially to their mums!

And I understand saying extremist daft things when the news is fresh and painful! I'd say don't think about too much for a few weeks and you'll find a bit of acceptance and peace with baby's gender will come. 

X


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## DessyMarie

jenniferttc1 said:


> Op don't take it to hard. Us mommys of boys just know how wonderful it is, and you will feel the same way too once he is here. I think a lot of responses ate women getting defensive over their boys and I felt the same way. On this forum you just always hear people talking down on boys and so highly of girls. I personally think boys are the best, but that's probably cause I have a son and no daughter so its hard to understand what is so great about girls.

Just thought I might add, I have a daughter and another on the way. My daughter is the most amazing little girl, however I would love to experience having a boy myself as well. I understand gender dissapointment, but as pointed our earlier by someone else, some women can't have children or have lost one or the other. I think you should get yourself in a mind frame that this boy will grow up the way you raise him. I think chilren in general are a gift from god, and no matter what at the end of the day, they love you UNCONDITIONALLY, and its the best feeling in the world. By the way, I posted from this thread because I read that you said you have only boys and no daughter, but I do have a daughter and i still want a son, even though what matters to me is health.


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## jenniferttc1

Havent seen a post in awhile from you, are you feeling a little better?


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## Jeninpa

WoW! Just to let you know, I have an 18yr old son who has been perfect since the day he was born. He is the smartest, sweetest most handsome & responsible boy a mom could ever ask for. Now I do have an 8yr old son who makes me want to pull my hair out but that doesn't have anything to do with him being a boy because I also have a 13yr old daughter who can drive me crazy too. Every child is different & how they are raised is a big part of it. I was disappointed about having a boy this time because my 8yr old is such a handful but I have realized that I have 2 boys & 2 girls & they are all extremely different so chances are this baby will be different too. Gender disappointment & stereotyping sexes is 2 way different things!!! In your case I hope you are blessed with a son like my 8yr old who does drive you crazy,lmao.


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## MelliPaige

Your description of boys sounds close to a description of my sibling!
Except, I only have a sister. 
I can understand the want, although I'm not pregnant and don't have any children, I am desperate to have a boy first! I don't have anything against girls, I just feel like if I don't have a boy *first* ill never get the experience. Everyone I know has had all girls. 

Good luck, have fun with your beautiful little guy! :)


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## Ava Grace

I think once baby arrives healthy you will adore him no matter what x


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## Becyboo__x

I was in this section for the fact i have suffered from bipolar since i
was a teen.. and that affected me alot when i was last pregnant 
(lost at 16 weeks) .. but i didn't want another boy just the idea of it
upset me and everything but i love my son to bits! and i knew id come
around to it in the end.. i went to councilling and i still do and it did help
alot! i started speaking about it all more openly to another councillor who
dealt with pregnancy etc .. and that did really help ...

The only thing about your post that really got to me is that you said it like
your girl is a perfect little girl .. and a boy would be awful.. like all girls are angels
and all boys are the devil.. it can work both ways a boy could turn out bad or a girl
later in life or even be naughty as a child .. me and my sister were opposite she was
naughty as a baby/child really hard to deal with day to day.. and i was a quiet and
a simple child .. boys aren't just bad behaved.. or more prone to it either! .. both
can be the same way or not .. and as for when older boys get into drugs and get
into the wrong crowds etc girls can do that too you won't know what life will bring
kids change as they grow up ... my son was lovely as a baby toddler stage he turned
really bad but i wouldn't change him for the world! 

all in all im not argueing over it .. just think first post was abit intense .. i understand
that people come in here to vent about being dissappointed as iv been through it
with my first and 2nd.. but think a few things have proberly just come out really bad


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## Pearls18

Edited because it wasn't realise advice.

I hope when you meet him and get to know him you'll find out gender doesn't characterise someone whether totally positively or negatively. Maybe look at your OH and your dad and other men you love rather than stereotypes in the media. I have to say I used to volunteer in a youth club and it was the girls who were the most unruly haha, but I don't mean to generalise, I just mean you are not going to be lovely just because you're a girl....or we would all here be a lot nicer lol ;)


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## LittleLady04

I hope you are feeling better now hun after having some to get your head around it. 

I only have one sibling, a younger brother. I was 9 when my Mum was pg and I wanted a little sister so much but now I am so glad I had a brother :) He was loving, caring, fun and just adorable. From the day I met him I never felt the wish to have a sister ever again. I am sure your DD will be the same, she will love what she has, she will know no different after all. 

I have three DD's (7,4 and 3) and they are stroppy, grumpy and messy at times. Plus, they fight and fall out, alot!! (I can't actually ever remember falling out with my brother when we were little!) How a child behaves isn't determined by their gender but by how they are raised and their personality. I was really hoping for a DS when I was expecting #3 but once she arrived I didn't care, she was my baby.

Now I am expecting a DS and I'm so excited to finally get to experience raising the opposite gender. 

Good Luck and if you need to chat feel free to pm me :flower:


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## jessthemess

You know, I read through all of these posts, and I've been thinking about it.

I don't think the negative reaction you got was due to your disappointment in having a boy. I think it was more in regards to why you are disappointed you are having a boy.

You can't help that your experiences with men, boys, brothers, sons, and that the experiences of the women close to you as well, are not positive. 

But I think if you focus on finding a man, little boy, friend, uncle, grandpa, cousin etc, who is someone that you love and can be a positive model for you to base your dreams of your son on then you might feel better.

I have a dear friend who had a little boy and was soooo thankful, I mean crying jumping up and down thankful, because her little sister was a terror in heels and she could not stand the possibility of raising a teenage girl who might be like her sister. 

Honestly, we've only got our experiences and the experiences shared with us by others to base our expectations on. But maybe try not to focus so much on what could go wrong. Realize that what went wrong in the men who are causing you these negative feelings can be prevented. And then I think it will get better. :)

My experience with little boys? So loving and adoring of their mothers. So curious and inquisitive of the world. So hard on their parent's nice things ;). And so silly and sweet.


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## RachA

A child is moulded by it's parents. Not all boys are awful and not all girls are really cute.

When i was pregnant with my 1st i really didn't want to find out what i was having because to me the idea of having a boy was awful. I had 2 older brothers who were pretty great but i also had 4 nephews who i considered a nightmare. I was desperate not to have a boy as my 4 nephews were everything i didn't want in a child. When i actually delivered my baby i had had such an awful time ending with an emergency c-section that i really didn't care what sex my child was, i just wanted my baby to be alive and ok. Once i had my baby and found out he was boy i was totally fine with it. Yes, 5 years later, i still get the odd feeling of 'i don't know what on earth to do with my boy' but on the flip side i now have a girl too and i don't know what to do with her at times!!

I do think that what you said in your OP was a bit harsh but i can understand where that comes from and i think you need to talk to someone about theses feelings before you have your boy. I think that if you deal with these feelings then you can make sure that your son doesn't turn out like one of the boys that you don't like.


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## motherofboys

you are in the right place to vent and I have to say in posts in the rest of the site I will say it doesn't matter what gender even though I secretly hope for a girl. I'm not so desperate I would keep going till I got one, or give up my boys for one, but that's not the point, the point is I would keep that bit of info to myself on the rest of the site.
I will say that it works both ways on the things you are worried about, I know pretty much as many girls as I do boys who have fallen in with bad crowds, who have taken drugs, who never made anything of their lives, who had their parents wanting to rip their own hair out wondering what to do with them. and even as little kids, being complete terrors. my sister in law will tell anyone who will listen how awful girls are and how much trouble they are. 
I do not believe for one minute gender makes the slightest bit of difference to behaviour and the person you're child becomes. I have 3 boys, all of whom are very different and have different behaviours. so far they are not lazy, they work hard at school, they are no more messy than the next child, yes they are noisy, but usually that noise is laughter, when it's not, and they argue, you will get that with any gender. 
it's a matter of person experience, the amount of people who tell me I'm lucky to have boys and not to have any more in case I get a girl! every child is different and will become different people as they grow whether they study hard or are easily led in to the darker things in life remains to be seen. don't write your baby of just yet hun. you may be surprised. surely your babies father is a good man, he may follow in daddy's for steps, think of all the great men in the world, they were once little boys too.


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## BabyCleo

I read this thread a while ago and to be honest i was pretty pissed. Ive always wanted a boy, and my DF comes from 4 boys who are the kindest men you can find. He also has 2 nephews who are the sweetest little boys around. These men would do anything for me. 

But, I can get where your coming from I guess. I understand it can be painful to be dissapointed, but please dont adopt your little one out just cause hes a boy! If you raise him right, he will be the sweetest thing! Please dont think all boys are bad because they are not.


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