# Single Mom by Choice



## breatrix

I did a search and the last thread I could find on this topic was back in 2012. Am I the only single mom by choice here? 

I've struggled with endometriosis since I was 19 and knew I needed to conceive soon if I was ever going to. But, my last LTR ended two years ago and I wasn't willing to wait to fall for someone new. I have a great job and I'm completely independent so I made the decision to conceive on my own (with a known donor) and now I'm 11 weeks into a very wanted, very joyful pregnancy. :cloud9:

So, anyone else make this choice?


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## Dezireey

No, I was not a single mum by choice but totally understand about endometriosis as I also suffered with that for years and I admire your decision, good for you. You will be a happy bunny with your LO, congratulations sweetie xx


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## teal

No, not by choice but congratulations to you xx


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## Rags

Hi. Don't worry you're not alone. I am a SMBC and delighted with it. This has to be the best thing I've done in my life - and believe me I've done a lot of good things! I am a fair bit older than you and always knew if I didn't meet the right guy I'd go it alone. I have a fabulous 4 year old son conceived via IUI using donor sperm from a tracable (but unknown to me) donor. There are some other women about on the site who have gone down the same route but I'm not sure how often they come on to this thread. There is a thread running on the assisted conception section with a few women, several in thier early 20's, currently trying to concieve, it's title is 'Any solo mum's out there?' - might be worth dropping in there and having a bit of a read/saying 'hi'.

I'm delighted that you are on route to having your little bundle. How is it all going so far?


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## flametla

Hi,

I just recently decided to be a SMBC. Due to the way my life is going,"it's do or die" time. I'm starting to gather info, track my body, and see the doctor. Seems to be taking forever to get anywhere and at the same time i'm like "woah, moving way fast here."


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## mirandala

Hey there! 
I'm kind of a single mother by choice... well, it's complicated. I have a partner but we've been together for less than a year and really aren't in a position to parent together. So I'm going to be moving home where I have more of a support network and my partner will be staying here before the baby is due and parenting by myself. I'm not sure if we will still stay together romantically or not. I used an unknown SD (I'm also not straight, and my partner doesn't produce sperm anyway). How did you conceive? Did you do IUI? 
I had fertility testing, and my levels were all wonky and the drs said I should have my babies within 3 years or so. I would love more than one, and so I've decided not to wait and am now 4 wks pregnant. 
Making the decision to parent alone is a huge decision. I have a plethora of smbc books, and hope it goes as smoothly as possible. 
Let me know how your journey is going!!!


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## holdontohope

I am a single mom by choice also :) and I am in my early 20s. I also have stage 4 endometriosis and I had just ended a 6 year relationship when I was told it was now or never to get pregnant for me. So I went for it on my own using an unknow sperm donor. My daughter is 8 months old and it's been a very rewarding experience for me!! I would do it all over again in a heartbeat :)


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## c.30

I'm a single mum by choice. I'm 34 (35 in June), been single for over a decade but needed to be a mummy before it was too late. My girl's just turned one and I'm slowly beginning to think about trying for a sibling with my donor but being a single mum to 2 does scare me a bit.

Congrats on the pregnancy :)


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## BrandiCanucks

I'm kind of both. I have three kids from my marriage and have been separated for two years. I'm 29 weeks now with number 4 by a known donor. So SMBC for this baby!


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## Gilka

I'm a SMBC, or I will be!!
I split up with my partner at 39 and realised that I was running out of time. I'd never really met the right person or kind of been in a position to have a child but this split and my age made me realise that if I didn't do it now I wasn't going to have a choice because my 'clock would stop'.

So I conceived through a sperm donor, which is a journey in itself. Was losing hope, didn't think it would happen due to finding the right one when it happened on the 2nd month of trying with a new donor. 

My only worry is who I'll have with me during labour and birth. Not close to my mum and don't think I want her in the room and not close to any girl friends, my best friend is a bloke. He has offered to be with me but am not sure yet. It's not a major worry, I'll cope, I always do. 

This baby is something I've waited a long time for and I just can't wait to have him/her here with me.


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## birdlee337

I am a single momma by choice. I have severe endometriosis and adenomyosis. Been suffering for 10+ years...tons of surgeries. ..meds ...u name it. Was told if I wanted to have a child I had to now with help of course. So at 32...now 33...I did an iui with donor sperm...and the second one worked!!! :) I am 37 weeks tomorrow and really due at any time now...been having tons of false labor. The pregnancy have been rough....was ill for 6 months lost alot of weight ans have had alot of pain due to endometriosis and adenomyosis. It's been tough I won't lie...not the way I thought I'd be doing this. But have alot of family and friends that support me and I am soooo looking forward to meeting my baby girl. She is worth it all!!


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## zoehiigli

Im a single mom by choice too. He's 12 now and I cant believe how far Ive come. It wasnt easy but VERY worth it. He's an honor roll student and makes me so proud every day!


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## KylasBaby

I'm working on becoming a SMBC. I conceived using a known donor in January, but sadly had a MMC requiring surgery in March. I'm back at it again. Searching for a donor now. The previous donor became pretty unreliable so I don't want to use him again. 

There is this group for Solo Mommies Any Solo Mums Out There


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## dauchep

birdlee337 said:


> I am a single momma by choice. I have severe endometriosis and adenomyosis. Been suffering for 10+ years...tons of surgeries. ..meds ...u name it. Was told if I wanted to have a child I had to now with help of course. So at 32...now 33...I did an iui with donor sperm...and the second one worked!!! :) I am 37 weeks tomorrow and really due at any time now...been having tons of false labor. The pregnancy have been rough....was ill for 6 months lost alot of weight ans have had alot of pain due to endometriosis and adenomyosis. It's been tough I won't lie...not the way I thought I'd be doing this. But have alot of family and friends that support me and I am soooo looking forward to meeting my baby girl. She is worth it all!!

congrats on your pregnancy. she will be lovely :D


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## birdlee337

dauchep said:


> birdlee337 said:
> 
> 
> I am a single momma by choice. I have severe endometriosis and adenomyosis. Been suffering for 10+ years...tons of surgeries. ..meds ...u name it. Was told if I wanted to have a child I had to now with help of course. So at 32...now 33...I did an iui with donor sperm...and the second one worked!!! :) I am 37 weeks tomorrow and really due at any time now...been having tons of false labor. The pregnancy have been rough....was ill for 6 months lost alot of weight ans have had alot of pain due to endometriosis and adenomyosis. It's been tough I won't lie...not the way I thought I'd be doing this. But have alot of family and friends that support me and I am soooo looking forward to meeting my baby girl. She is worth it all!!
> 
> congrats on your pregnancy. she will be lovely :DClick to expand...

Thanks!!! She is awesome! She's 4 months old already! And is growing like a weed!!!!! Love her sooooo much...idk what I'd do with out her! She is the love of my life! :)


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## angiepie

Not me...but your story is awesome! Go you!


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## Rags

Hi to all you ladies who were expecting or had just given birth the last time this post was updated. I was wondering how you are doing and how the planning for your first family Christmas is coming along?


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## birdlee337

Rags said:


> Hi to all you ladies who were expecting or had just given birth the last time this post was updated. I was wondering how you are doing and how the planning for your first family Christmas is coming along?

Doing well! We had a great first Thanksgiving with all my family!! Lots of kiddos! :) Looking forward to her first Christmas! I have lots of goodies for her thanks to my mom's help! I am truly blessed with a beautiful miracle baby girl!!!! :) sometimes it's rough doing it all on my own...have my mom helping ALOT but still on my own. But I am glad I don't have to share her....I get to spend every day, holiday and birthdays with her! :)


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## Rags

Good for you Birdlee. It's so good to have a supportive family, especially in the early 'I think I'm going mad' years! Happy Thanksgiving all be I'm a day late.
I know that it can be difficult at times going it alone but I really do think we've got it much easier than other single parents always having to consider an absent partners opinion and needs. My friend is going through divorce at the moment with a daughter the same age as my son, it's so complicated for her already with the father having very different ideas of how to raise a child - I'm so happy not to have to go through any of that. 
Enjoy the run up to Christmas and have a wonderful time.


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## 2kidsplusttc3

I wasn't at first. but due to divorce and abuse. I am glad to be now. and I am ttc my 3rd without a man. just got a sperm donor. My two kids do not know their father. and he wasn't the greatest guy . so I feel better off. so in a way I am a single mom by choice now though I wasn't when I left my ex 5 years ago.


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## Foogirl

I'm not in your position. But, I definitely would have made the same choice in your position.

Watching my sister as a single mum in the early days, it was really tough for her but she had good family support so was able to take a break every once in a while. Now that her son is older, in fact, once he got past the toddler stage, she often spoke about how she was glad to be a single mum. Nobody else to interfere with how she wanted to do things. Some days, I envy that! But thankfully not too often!


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## 40isnotold

This thread doesn't seem to be all that active.

I'll be a SMBC. I was 39 when I decided to see a fertility specialist because I had always wanted to have children but wasn't partnered. I am now about to turn 41 and am 22 weeks pregnant with boy/girl twins. Yes, it's a bit scary to realize that I will be raising two babies on my own, but I am so excited.


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## birdlee337

Wow!! Congratulations! How exciting! Yea this thread isn't active at all. Lol
I am 34 I have severe endometriosis and adenomyosis. My eggs were getting ruined so I did fertility and got pregnant on the second iui! I now have a beautiful precious 7 month old baby girl! She is the love of my life. This is the best decision Ihave ever done! I am scared shit less alot of the time. But it's worth EVERYTHING! :)


40isnotold said:


> This thread doesn't seem to be all that active.
> 
> I'll be a SMBC. I was 39 when I decided to see a fertility specialist because I had always wanted to have children but wasn't partnered. I am now about to turn 41 and am 22 weeks pregnant with boy/girl twins. Yes, it's a bit scary to realize that I will be raising two babies on my own, but I am so excited.


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## Rags

Hi Guys. It's not the most active thread but hello 40isnotold and welcome to the cub. I gave birth to my Ds at 41 after setting out on the road to single parenthood at 38 when I realised that it was a child I wanted in my life and not necesarily the man to go with it. I hope your pregnancy is progressing smoothly? Twins, how wonderful. I secretly hoped for twins myself, I'm delighted for you. My son is 4 1/2 now, how quickly time passes, we have a wnderful time together and he knows all about how he came about and how special he is to me. I look forward to hearing how things progress for you and wish you all the best for t next 18 weeks or so. Xx


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## Oxygen7880

I know this thread is quiet but just wanted to add myself to the single mummy by choice group. Conceived my dd at 34, using a known sperm donor (got lucky first attempt). My gorgeous girl turned 1 on Boxing Day. she is the greatest gift EVER. I really want another baby but I am worried about raising 2 on my own and I would, ideally, like to be in well paid job before I have another.


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## Rags

Hi Oxygen, Lovely to have you and congratulations on your lovey daughter. I read your post on another thread about your current cyrcumstances. I understand how you feel about the need to work and provide for your family but I would say, for myself, I would have jumped at the oppertunity to be 36 (rather than 46) and be able to add to my family - which is something my son would love but unfortunately can't have because I left it to late to start trying and am very lucky to have him.


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## Oxygen7880

Rags said:


> Hi Oxygen, Lovely to have you and congratulations on your lovey daughter. I read your post on another thread about your current cyrcumstances. I understand how you feel about the need to work and provide for your family but I would say, for myself, I would have jumped at the oppertunity to be 36 (rather than 46) and be able to add to my family - which is something my son would love but unfortunately can't have because I left it to late to start trying and am very lucky to have him.

Thanks for the reply. It's so hard trying to work out the path to take. If I was in a well paid job that I was happy with then I would be thinking about ttc Prob next year. I am conscious of getting to a point and regretting not doing this. But I also feel irresponsible if I have another baby whilst reliant on benefits. I just do hope that I can work it so I get the job and another baby. I have a very close relationship with my sister and I would love to give my girl the chance of a sibling.
I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to add to your family.:hugs:


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## Rags

A year is a very long time and you might be very surprised how your life has moved on by then. Enjoy your daughter at the moment and if you decide that you want to try again then go for it, it's about you, your daughter and your family, not for anyone else to judge.


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## Christie2011

SMBC here. I had a few unsuccessful IUIs and decided to jump right to IVF after 3 unmedicated IUIs. Insurance wasn't going to pay one way or the other and I desperately wanted to start my family. I had a successful first IVF with 6 frozen embies. At the same time I was going through IVF, I had the opportunity to adopt an infant boy. I ended up with 2 boys 7m 3w apart. And I'm starting the process for a round of FET. I just turned 37 and my boys are now 2.

It's not easy, but so rewarding!


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## Rags

Christie2011 said:


> SMBC here. I had a few unsuccessful IUIs and decided to jump right to IVF after 3 unmedicated IUIs. Insurance wasn't going to pay one way or the other and I desperately wanted to start my family. I had a successful first IVF with 6 frozen embies. At the same time I was going through IVF, I had the opportunity to adopt an infant boy. I ended up with 2 boys 7m 3w apart. And I'm starting the process for a round of FET. I just turned 37 and my boys are now 2.
> 
> It's not easy, but so rewarding!

How wonderful for you. I am delighted to hear about your 2 amazing sons and what a fabulous way to build your family. I bet the boys are very close and have great fun together - sort of like having twins without the extra stretch marks! Good luck with your next go, I will keep an eye out on this thread for your good news in the future.


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## birdlee337

Christie2011 said:


> SMBC here. I had a few unsuccessful IUIs and decided to jump right to IVF after 3 unmedicated IUIs. Insurance wasn't going to pay one way or the other and I desperately wanted to start my family. I had a successful first IVF with 6 frozen embies. At the same time I was going through IVF, I had the opportunity to adopt an infant boyfriend. I ended up with 2 boys 7m 3w apart. And I'm starting the process for a round of FET. I just turned 37 and my boys are now 2.
> 
> It's not easy, but so rewarding!

That's awesome! Congratulations on your boys! Good luck this time around! This thread isn't very lively...wish it was! :)


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## Christie2011

Only at 5 weeks, but so far it's a BFP! And by my beta numbers suggest more than one. 2607 and 4639.


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## BrandiCanucks

Betas mean nothing when it comes to how many are in there. Mine were well over 18,000 at 5w1d, the stage you're at and I have just one healthy baby. Higher levels do suggest a girl though.


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## Rags

Congratulations Christie2011 - 1 or 2 isn't so important. Delighted for you.


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## Christie2011

BrandiCanucks said:


> Betas mean nothing when it comes to how many are in there. Mine were well over 18,000 at 5w1d, the stage you're at and I have just one healthy baby. Higher levels do suggest a girl though.

Yeah, I tried telling my mom and sister that, but I transferred 2 embryos so they are convinced it's two. I told them they will have to wait until next week's scan and even then IF there is a #2 it might hide, so they will just have to continue waiting. I haven't let my mom tell anyone yet that I"m even pregnant and she's dying to. I may let her after I see the heartbeat or I may wait until second tri. I don't think she can wait until 2nd tri though, so I might compromise and if all looks good at second scan at 8 weeks let her run loose with the news.


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## birdlee337

Congratulations! :)




Christie2011 said:


> BrandiCanucks said:
> 
> 
> Betas mean nothing when it comes to how many are in there. Mine were well over 18,000 at 5w1d, the stage you're at and I have just one healthy baby. Higher levels do suggest a girl though.
> 
> Yeah, I tried telling my mom and sister that, but I transferred 2 embryos so they are convinced it's two. I told them they will have to wait until next week's scan and even then IF there is a #2 it might hide, so they will just have to continue waiting. I haven't let my mom tell anyone yet that I"m even pregnant and she's dying to. I may let her after I see the heartbeat or I may wait until second tri. I don't think she can wait until 2nd tri though, so I might compromise and if all looks good at second scan at 8 weeks let her run loose with the news.Click to expand...


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## Christie2011

Had my scan today and it is twins! Got to see two little beans with two little heartbeats.


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## BrandiCanucks

Christie2011 said:


> Had my scan today and it is twins! Got to see two little beans with two little heartbeats.

Congratulations!!


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## Rags

Fabulous Christie, how wonderful for you. I'll look forward to hearing how it all goes for you. Wishing you a fantastic pregnancy.


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## Christie2011

Well it has been a few weeks :) I go in for induction tomorrow at 38 weeks. Hoping to meet my baby girls soon. I think one of their brothers is excited and the other one doesn't really care at the moment. It'll be interesting to see how the boys react to their sisters once they can actually see them and they become more real for them.


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## Rags

Amazing! They will be delighted when they meet the girls, I'll look forward to hearing how it goes when you eventually find some time.


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## Oxygen7880

Christie2011 said:


> Well it has been a few weeks :) I go in for induction tomorrow at 38 weeks. Hoping to meet my baby girls soon. I think one of their brothers is excited and the other one doesn't really care at the moment. It'll be interesting to see how the boys react to their sisters once they can actually see them and they become more real for them.

I hope everything went well and you and the girls are ok.


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## Oxygen7880

Anyone here have more than 1 child as a sole parent?
I'm ttc #2 from next month. I'm excited but also scared about having 2!


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## Rags

Hi. I tried for number 2 but always knew I was unlikely to manage as I was over 40 when I had my first. I had wanted to try quickly after having Ds as time was precious but I also didn't want to cut him off of breast feeding quickly just to get my cycle started again. As it was I was nearly 43 by the time he stopped feeding and I got my cycle back - I gave it a go but with no luck. Good luck to you, I'll look forward to hearing how it all goes for you.


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## Oxygen7880

Thanks Rags. I'm sorry you couldn't have a second. I have decided to start now even though Its not ideal timing wise for many reasons but I'm 37 now and I don't know long it will take.


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## Rags

Oxygen7880 said:


> Thanks Rags. I'm sorry you couldn't have a second. I have decided to start now even though Its not ideal timing wise for many reasons but I'm 37 now and I don't know long it will take.

I've said on more than one occasion that if you wait for an ideal time to have a baby you'll never have one. I know that there is still a chance to have children as you get older but realistically it doesn't get any easier and if it's what you really want why take the chance of missing out. I was 37 when I started trying at first using at home insemination. If I'd left it any later to find that that wasn't going to work I'd have lost my chance to do it through a clinic - I'm reminded of how lucky I was every time I look at my Ds.


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## Boomerslady

I'm glad I came across this thread. I'm a single mum to my son (although me and FOB have him 50/50) and I've been broody since the day I had him! I've had a few crap relationships in the last 5 years, none more than 10 months really, and I'm considering being a SMBC in a couple of years if I'm still in the same situation (I'm 30 in a few weeks!) which is why it's playing on my mind more, and my son always asks for a sibling and it's heartbreaking :( but I struggle with depression and think I'm a crap mum anyway and I'm not sure if cope fully alone (FOB is my only support, so without one I'd never ever get a break) 

Would anyone mind if I PMed you, about donors and just for a chat about how it's worked for you? Let me know :) thanks x


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## Rags

Boomerslady said:


> I'm glad I came across this thread. I'm a single mum to my son (although me and FOB have him 50/50) and I've been broody since the day I had him! I've had a few crap relationships in the last 5 years, none more than 10 months really, and I'm considering being a SMBC in a couple of years if I'm still in the same situation (I'm 30 in a few weeks!) which is why it's playing on my mind more, and my son always asks for a sibling and it's heartbreaking :( but I struggle with depression and think I'm a crap mum anyway and I'm not sure if cope fully alone (FOB is my only support, so without one I'd never ever get a break)
> 
> Would anyone mind if I PMed you, about donors and just for a chat about how it's worked for you? Let me know :) thanks x

Hello and welcome. You can only make an informed choice if you find out all the information and here is quite a good place to start to gather it. 
My first donor (unsuccessful) was arranged though an agency and involved at home self insemination. I chose the donor from the companies profiles and they arraged for all of his health testing. My successful insemination was using a donor through an NHS/private clinic. The donor was matched to me by the clinic based on our health compatibility. I know very little about him but my Ds will be able to get information about his name, date of birth and last known address when he turns 18 if he wants it. He will also be able to trace any siblings from the same donor should he wish.

Can I ask, if you approached him, would your child's father consider donating for you? Or would that be far to weared?


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## Christie2011

Oxygen7880 said:


> Anyone here have more than 1 child as a sole parent?
> I'm ttc #2 from next month. I'm excited but also scared about having 2!

I am now SMBC of 4. Just delivered my twins last week. My first two are 3 (in a month) and 3.


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## Boomerslady

Rags, I did mention it casually a few years ago, that I'd like another and could I just use his sperm?! And he said 100% no!! I think he like me, is hoping to meet someone settle down and have more babies as part of a family. Perhaps in years time if that hasn't happened he might consider it, although I broke his heart so I'm not sure!

Is it expensive to go via a clinic and get a donor?


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## Rags

Boomerslady said:


> Rags, I did mention it casually a few years ago, that I'd like another and could I just use his sperm?! And he said 100% no!! I think he like me, is hoping to meet someone settle down and have more babies as part of a family. Perhaps in years time if that hasn't happened he might consider it, although I broke his heart so I'm not sure!
> 
> Is it expensive to go via a clinic and get a donor?

Shame, but I guess I don't blame him.
I think it can be expensive. The clinic I went through was a 'not for profit' one so although I paid it was only really the expenses of the donor - and he didn't get paid for his donations it was purely altruistic. I'm not sure how many clinics there are like that. I also know that they don't seem to run their own sperm bank now and that if you are using a donor you would probably need to go through a sperm bank. There is a newish one in London now and I know a couple who used the Danish sperm bank and were delighted by the service - and results (I've no idea how much they paid though)


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## Oxygen7880

Boomerslady said:


> I'm glad I came across this thread. I'm a single mum to my son (although me and FOB have him 50/50) and I've been broody since the day I had him! I've had a few crap relationships in the last 5 years, none more than 10 months really, and I'm considering being a SMBC in a couple of years if I'm still in the same situation (I'm 30 in a few weeks!) which is why it's playing on my mind more, and my son always asks for a sibling and it's heartbreaking :( but I struggle with depression and think I'm a crap mum anyway and I'm not sure if cope fully alone (FOB is my only support, so without one I'd never ever get a break)
> 
> Would anyone mind if I PMed you, about donors and just for a chat about how it's worked for you? Let me know :) thanks x

Pm me anytime. I too have suffered from depression and I know how horrible it is.


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## fairytales87

Boomerslady said:


> Rags, I did mention it casually a few years ago, that I'd like another and could I just use his sperm?! And he said 100% no!! I think he like me, is hoping to meet someone settle down and have more babies as part of a family. Perhaps in years time if that hasn't happened he might consider it, although I broke his heart so I'm not sure!
> 
> Is it expensive to go via a clinic and get a donor?

I know I'm not rags & sorry if you think I'm sticking my nose in
I'm also coming up for 30 & currently starting treatment via a donor at a clinic in hopes of getting my rainbow 
Feel free to PM me anytime if you have and questions or wish to chat xx


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## Oxygen7880

So I know I have already conceived a baby via AI but I was extremely lucky that it happened first attempt, so in some ways I'm inexperienced. I was 34 when I conceived my girl and everything went as it should. I used opk strips that got darker until positive and I used a digital to make doubly sure it was time to inseminate. I did my temps every morning and the same time and my chart was perfect and showed me that I had ov'd. 
So as you know I'm due to start ttc #2 starting in my next cycle. I have been casually monitoring my cycle from last month, with the use of opks. Last month I started casually on cd 14 but never got a positive or even close. I wondered if maybe I missed it. I ov'd on cd 20 with my little girl and so I prob assumed I would ov late. However I've started to get paranoid that now I'm 37 I maybe did not ov and I won't this month either. I am on cd 11 and I started the opks yest. I'm prob being silly but I can't stop worrying. I'm finding temping really hard since I bed share with my lg and although I sleep well my sleep is broken somewhat. I'm not sure the readings will be very accurate.


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## Babycakes92

I'm glad this thread is here. 

I'm considering becoming a SMBC but I've got alot of thinking and research to do first. 
Haven't really told anyone I'm considering it because I know that my family and some of my friends can be really judgemental about things like that. So I'm gonna think it over and do some research properly before saying anything to anyone.


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## Rags

Welcome Babycakes. You're very right to do your research and get your head in the right place before you mention it to other people - once you've mentioned it others can't help but give your their opinions and advice and although it's lovely to include people it can be difficult if they are less than positive - although I will say I didn't come across any negativity when I spoke to my family and friends just amazing support. We are here if there's anything you need to know more about and there are a few other good threads you could look at about the different methods, donors etc. Good luck.


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## Babycakes92

Rags said:


> Welcome Babycakes. You're very right to do your research and get your head in the right place before you mention it to other people - once you've mentioned it others can't help but give your their opinions and advice and although it's lovely to include people it can be difficult if they are less than positive - although I will say I didn't come across any negativity when I spoke to my family and friends just amazing support. We are here if there's anything you need to know more about and there are a few other good threads you could look at about the different methods, donors etc. Good luck.

Thank you!
That's why I'm waiting before I mention it to my family and some of my friends. I told my best friend and she has been nothing but supportive. I'm just researching things more now so I can make a more informed decision.


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## PoppyPainting

Oxygen7880 said:


> So I know I have already conceived a baby via AI but I was extremely lucky that it happened first attempt, so in some ways I'm inexperienced. I was 34 when I conceived my girl and everything went as it should. I used opk strips that got darker until positive and I used a digital to make doubly sure it was time to inseminate. I did my temps every morning and the same time and my chart was perfect and showed me that I had ov'd.
> So as you know I'm due to start ttc #2 starting in my next cycle. I have been casually monitoring my cycle from last month, with the use of opks. Last month I started casually on cd 14 but never got a positive or even close. I wondered if maybe I missed it. I ov'd on cd 20 with my little girl and so I prob assumed I would ov late. However I've started to get paranoid that now I'm 37 I maybe did not ov and I won't this month either. I am on cd 11 and I started the opks yest. I'm prob being silly but I can't stop worrying. I'm finding temping really hard since I bed share with my lg and although I sleep well my sleep is broken somewhat. I'm not sure the readings will be very accurate.

Instead of temping have you looked at trying a clear blue fertility monitor, less stressful coz you just pee on a stick when you wake up. Good luck &#128522;


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## Oxygen7880

Poppy I did actually purchase a cbfm before I conceived my little lady. The 1st month gives 'low' fertility reading and then from the following month it knows your readings better (from what I researched at the time). I conceived my daughter at the first attempt and so it wasn't much use to me! I was premature in buying it really but I'm a born worried unfortunately. They aren't cheap either. But I actually got a positive opk yest and today (both the cheapest and the digital) so I guess I need to jus relax and trust in my body.
So frustrating knowing that I'm ovulating and yet waiting until next month to ttc!!


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## PoppyPainting

Oxygen7880 said:


> Poppy I did actually purchase a cbfm before I conceived my little lady. The 1st month gives 'low' fertility reading and then from the following month it knows your readings better (from what I researched at the time). I conceived my daughter at the first attempt and so it wasn't much use to me! I was premature in buying it really but I'm a born worried unfortunately. They aren't cheap either. But I actually got a positive opk yest and today (both the cheapest and the digital) so I guess I need to jus relax and trust in my body.
> So frustrating knowing that I'm ovulating and yet waiting until next month to ttc!!

You can get them second hand on ebay, I know coz I sold mine on on there! And yes it tells you when you are ovulating you get different symbols for low and high fertility and a separate symbol for actual ov.


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## Ttc0340

So glad I found this thread! I'm a SMBC and and have a wonderful donor I am going to start ttc with on the weekend via AI. It will be my first child and our first month trying. So glad there are others out there!


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## Rags

Ttc0340 said:


> So glad I found this thread! I'm a SMBC and and have a wonderful donor I am going to start ttc with on the weekend via AI. It will be my first child and our first month trying. So glad there are others out there!

Very good luck to you Ttc, it's an exciting time which I remember very clearly. That's great that you have a good donor, it makes things so much more relaxed and means that you can just get on with what needs to be done. I love being a SMBC, it has worked well for me and my Ds and I still look at him every day and am amazed that he is here and that we are a family (he's 6 now). As I've said before there is a breadth of experience here on this thread and everyone is happy to share so please feel free to ask anything. Fingers crossed for you, have a good weekend.


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## JumpingIn

I am by choice about to leave an emotionally abusive relationship and as well as terrified I'm also optimistic. I'm not in a good position financially at all but I'm ambitious and dedicated and know where I want to go and give my son


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## Babycakes92

Anybody from the UK I can talk to about thinking about becoming a SMBC? X


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## Rags

Babycakes92 said:


> Anybody from the UK I can talk to about thinking about becoming a SMBC? X

Hi babycakes, I'm in Scotland and happy to fill you in on anything I know. There are a couple of other helpful threads on the assisted conception are that you could look at too, lots of people from the UK on there.


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## Babycakes92

Rags said:


> Babycakes92 said:
> 
> 
> Anybody from the UK I can talk to about thinking about becoming a SMBC? X
> 
> Hi babycakes, I'm in Scotland and happy to fill you in on anything I know. There are a couple of other helpful threads on the assisted conception are that you could look at too, lots of people from the UK on there.Click to expand...

Hi Rags, 
Thank you. Honestly any and all information you have about it would be fab. Where to start, who to contact, costing etc?
x


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## Rags

Babycakes92 said:


> Rags said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Babycakes92 said:
> 
> 
> Anybody from the UK I can talk to about thinking about becoming a SMBC? X
> 
> Hi babycakes, I'm in Scotland and happy to fill you in on anything I know. There are a couple of other helpful threads on the assisted conception are that you could look at too, lots of people from the UK on there.Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Rags,
> Thank you. Honestly any and all information you have about it would be fab. Where to start, who to contact, costing etc?
> xClick to expand...

If you have the chance look back through this thread as there are loads of pointers - that along with some internet research.

Personally I started off with at home insemination using a donor I'd found through an agency - they arranged all of his health screening, I paid them, they compensated him. In total I paid £3500.00 for 6 donations over three months (this was the plan anyway) as it worked out I ended up with 5 donations over nearly 8 cycles - because of donor not being available at last minute or donating one day but not the next. after trying two other donors through the same company I decided to forgo the last donation and head to my GP after a friend told me of a clinic that was happy to treat single women and had their own donors. My GP was happy to refer me and although there was a waiting list of about a year for donor insemination everything else was quite straight forward. Because the clinic was a not for profit NHS/Private clinic I didn't have to pay for any tests or appointments only the donor expenses and medication - this meant I paid £250 per insemination (medicated cycles would have been £350. Although this clinic is still running as far as I am aware they have run up against the same donor issues that many have, ie a lack of donors. As far as I understand you now source your own sperm and have it delivered to the. I have heard a few people mention the London Sperm Bank which opened last year and I know of a couple who have recently used the Danish Sperm Bank - I've heard a few good things about them. I am not sure how it works with the commercial banks, with the NHS one frozen sperm could only be used to create 10 families (not 10 babies as if you were successful you could use the same donor for siblings) - I think this is a HEFA thing though not an NHS thing.
While I was trying I recorded both basal temperatures and used ovulation predictor kits, some people only use the OPK but I found that temping for a few months before I started to try gave me a good idea of how my cycle worked and when to start expecting a positive OPK (it's also made me realise that I have always been able to feel myself ovulate without realising that was what was happening!).

Hope this has all given you a bit of a starting point, if there is anything specific then post and I'm sure you will get answers.


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## Babycakes92

Rags said:


> Babycakes92 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Rags said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Babycakes92 said:
> 
> 
> Anybody from the UK I can talk to about thinking about becoming a SMBC? X
> 
> Hi babycakes, I'm in Scotland and happy to fill you in on anything I know. There are a couple of other helpful threads on the assisted conception are that you could look at too, lots of people from the UK on there.Click to expand...
> 
> Hi Rags,
> Thank you. Honestly any and all information you have about it would be fab. Where to start, who to contact, costing etc?
> xClick to expand...
> 
> If you have the chance look back through this thread as there are loads of pointers - that along with some internet research.
> 
> Personally I started off with at home insemination using a donor I'd found through an agency - they arranged all of his health screening, I paid them, they compensated him. In total I paid £3500.00 for 6 donations over three months (this was the plan anyway) as it worked out I ended up with 5 donations over nearly 8 cycles - because of donor not being available at last minute or donating one day but not the next. after trying two other donors through the same company I decided to forgo the last donation and head to my GP after a friend told me of a clinic that was happy to treat single women and had their own donors. My GP was happy to refer me and although there was a waiting list of about a year for donor insemination everything else was quite straight forward. Because the clinic was a not for profit NHS/Private clinic I didn't have to pay for any tests or appointments only the donor expenses and medication - this meant I paid £250 per insemination (medicated cycles would have been £350. Although this clinic is still running as far as I am aware they have run up against the same donor issues that many have, ie a lack of donors. As far as I understand you now source your own sperm and have it delivered to the. I have heard a few people mention the London Sperm Bank which opened last year and I know of a couple who have recently used the Danish Sperm Bank - I've heard a few good things about them. I am not sure how it works with the commercial banks, with the NHS one frozen sperm could only be used to create 10 families (not 10 babies as if you were successful you could use the same donor for siblings) - I think this is a HEFA thing though not an NHS thing.
> While I was trying I recorded both basal temperatures and used ovulation predictor kits, some people only use the OPK but I found that temping for a few months before I started to try gave me a good idea of how my cycle worked and when to start expecting a positive OPK (it's also made me realise that I have always been able to feel myself ovulate without realising that was what was happening!).
> 
> Hope this has all given you a bit of a starting point, if there is anything specific then post and I'm sure you will get answers.Click to expand...

Thank you so much! 

I'm wondering whether the first step after some more research is to approach my GP about it?


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## babycrazy1706

I'm planning to be a smbc xx


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## belle254

I am a single mum by choice in that I separated from my children's dad. We were together 6 years, fell pregnant with dd1 and then 3 months after she was born fell pregnant with ds1. He couldn't cope with parenting responsibilities, was like I was a single mum anyway. 2.5 years later, I'm still single parenting by myself and their dad is an inconsistent feature. Would love more babies, but hey ho! x


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## xJG30

I'm not sure if I would be classed as a SMBC. When I first got pregnant with my son I was in a stable relationship or so I thought, he dumped me a few months into the pregnancy and from there I kept to myself. 

Met someone when my son was 2, was great to begin with, but then I started to get anxiety issues and he left me in 2014. Since then I have chosen to be on my own.. and it's the best thing I ever did. It brought my son & I alot closer and we bonded alot better. I had a difficult birth which put me off having anymore children.. but 3 years on, We are both in a happy place and planning another holiday in May 2017.


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## melodyy_mtb

Hi ladies. 

SMBC here. I'm mum to my beautiful 8 month old boy. Had him by IVF using a sperm donor after two years of AI at home and one ivf cycle which ended in a miscarriage. 

Look forward to getting to know you all x


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## Rags

melodyy_mtb said:


> Hi ladies.
> 
> SMBC here. I'm mum to my beautiful 8 month old boy. Had him by IVF using a sperm donor after two years of AI at home and one ivf cycle which ended in a miscarriage.
> 
> Look forward to getting to know you all x

Hi Melodyy, it's so nice to welcome you over here after following your journey to reach this point. I can't believe your Ds is 8 months already, that's so amazing. I hope things are going smoothly for you now and you're back in a routine that works for you both?
It's quite a quiet thread here at the moment - I think everyone is busy with babies and small children (imagine that!). 

DS and I are making the most of our Easter school break at the moment after missing out a bit over Christmas because of family illness and me being busy with work ever since. Work were fantastic and agreed to let me have this time off, to the point of paying someone else to come in and deal with my work load for the week - how good are they! DS turned 7 a few weeks ago. It's been such a quick 7 years and after all the time it took me to get him I can't believe it when I look at him now, minus his front teeth, and see a proper child now and not even a toddler. He still loves any excuse for a cuddle and I'm making the most of every single one just in case he ever decides he's too grown up for that kind of thing! We hope to get away for a few days in the near future but in the mean time he's really into science so we're working on a few experiments at home.

Have a wonderful Easter holiday everyone, however you choose to spend it.


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## InVivoVeritas

I don't come on here much any more -- my twins are definitely my last babies -- but it's great to find this thread.

My teen daughters were born within what was a stable relationship at the time. When it ended I realised I was happier on my own. I had my three boys on my own. It's busy around here, but we're a very happy family.


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## Rags

InVivoVeritas said:


> I don't come on here much any more -- my twins are definitely my last babies -- but it's great to find this thread.
> 
> My teen daughters were born within what was a stable relationship at the time. When it ended I realised I was happier on my own. I had my three boys on my own. It's busy around here, but we're a very happy family.

Gosh, you sound as though you've got your work cut out for you!! Busy but lots of fun I'll bet.

As you'll have noticed we're not that busy on here at the moment but always drop in to see how everyone is doing. How old are your brood? (just read your tag line, sorry, missed that before) 16, 5 and two at 1, waw, I'm impressed you find any time to do anything else. My DS is 7, and that's flown by. He's great fun and I'm so lucky and happy to have him.

KN, how's everything going with you?


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## InVivoVeritas

Thanks, Rags! I recognise you from the TTC as a SMBC thread.

I have a 19-year-old daughter too. She's off at college, so any time I get with her is a bonus. And you're right, things are really busy but brilliant fun. My bank account whimpers when it hears me coming but I wouldn't change anything for the world.

My five-year-old son is just starting to ask questions about where he came from. I've told him he's a science baby, and I wanted him so much that I spoke to some scientists and asked them if they could give me the daddy part to start him growing. He's very science-oriented and mathematical, so he loves this idea. We've talked from the beginning about how families are made up in different ways, and he doesn't seem too interested in why our set-up is different to other people's.

I'll bet you have a super strong bond with your son with it being just the two of you.


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## Rags

InVivoVeritas said:


> Thanks, Rags! I recognise you from the TTC as a SMBC thread.
> 
> I have a 19-year-old daughter too. She's off at college, so any time I get with her is a bonus. And you're right, things are really busy but brilliant fun. My bank account whimpers when it hears me coming but I wouldn't change anything for the world.
> 
> My five-year-old son is just starting to ask questions about where he came from. I've told him he's a science baby, and I wanted him so much that I spoke to some scientists and asked them if they could give me the daddy part to start him growing. He's very science-oriented and mathematical, so he loves this idea. We've talked from the beginning about how families are made up in different ways, and he doesn't seem too interested in why our set-up is different to other people's.
> 
> I'll bet you have a super strong bond with your son with it being just the two of you.

You've made me giggle. My son is a right wee science and maths dude (a geek really), that works for me, although try as I might I can't get him interested in 'star trek!' 
We have a lovely time together and my brother is fab with him and the type of male role model I'd want him to have.


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## Ele3085

breatrix said:


> I did a search and the last thread I could find on this topic was back in 2012. Am I the only single mom by choice here?
> 
> I've struggled with endometriosis since I was 19 and knew I needed to conceive soon if I was ever going to. But, my last LTR ended two years ago and I wasn't willing to wait to fall for someone new. I have a great job and I'm completely independent so I made the decision to conceive on my own (with a known donor) and now I'm 11 weeks into a very wanted, very joyful pregnancy. :cloud9:
> 
> So, anyone else make this choice?


I'm a single mom by choice . Even though I just found out I am pregnant Monday and unsure how far along I am , I have wanted a baby since I was 15 and feel happier then I have in ages . I can't wait to meet my little bean and am looking forward to my first ultrasound and many other firsts


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## babycrazy1706

Good luck xx


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## Rags

Delighted for you Ele, I'll look forward to hearing how your pregnancy goes.


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## Ele3085

Thank you love!
Im so anxious for my first ultrasound visit , so I can hear the heartbeat and see how my baby looks . Plus I want to be able to tell my dad he's going to be a grandpa for the first time , as well as the rest of my family(I haven't told anyone yet)
How are you?


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## Rags

Your'e first ultrasound is way exciting. Will you have an early one? Because I went to a clinic I was given and ultrasound 6 weeks after insemination (so officially 8 weeks gestation) - saw my tiny wee jelly baby like son, and although it was very early on, saw his heart pulsing away. It makes the whole thing so much more real, honestly, until I saw it snuggled up in me I wasn't 100% convinced I was really pregnant.


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## Ele3085

I'm still trying to find a doctor , I'd love an early ultrasound so I can hear the heartbeat and see my little bean . I'm so anxious , I can't wait!


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## Rags

I hope you find somewhere - maybe even approaching a fertility clinic and seeing if they would do a confirmation scan? You'd need to pay I'm sure but worth it.


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## Ele3085

I found a place in the city that will do it at 6 weeks , but I'm having the worst time finding a doctor , google is not being helpful at all


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## Rags

Ele3085 said:


> I found a place in the city that will do it at 6 weeks , but I'm having the worst time finding a doctor , google is not being helpful at all

I'm not sure where you are? In the UK we'd go through our GP rather than sourcing a Dr ourselves. You can go private in which case I'd take advice from a fertility clinic about who's best to see. 

It might be worth posting a thread on hear, maybe on the 'assisted conception' or other conception strands, saying where you are and if anyone can make a recommendation. There are ladies from all over the world on this site and I've seen similar posts.

Is it an internal scan you'll have? That's what I had at 6 weeks as it was a cleared image and more likely to see the heart beat. I wish I'd realised it was internal before I went as I'd spent the morning filling my bladder - I was bursting by the time I arrived only to be asked to go to the toilet and empty it before they began!


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## Ele3085

Im near Atlanta Georgia . I actually posted something on here seeing if there were any ladies in this area , but didn't get any responses . So my search continues


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## Cdmsinglemum

I'm a single mom and I can say from my experience it's so much easier to not have to take care of house (and I mean all of it including taxes and repairs), kids and an adult child who only wants to work and take off on weekends with his friends.

However, that being said, my kids suffer because we can't be a family. My 2 oldest kid's dad cheated and lied so much and also threatened to take them away from me (and I was the one taking care of everybody) and my youngest has a diff father whom they never met (he took off while I was pregnant). It's hard for my kids and I always do my best but sometimes it's just not enough when they are missing that important piece of their genealogy.

Just like the episode on Dr.Phil I think where the girl was so angry at her mothers because she wanted a dad (and I mean she was mad and stated her mothers were so selfish in not thinking about what she would want), don't forget you're not the only human in this, they matter too. They may not be able to vocal early on, but just wait till they get older...

Humans have this innate ability to think they are doing good when in fact they are actually being selfish with Ego. Life is never easy I know but everyone wants a say in their life and how it's done, no matter the age.


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## Rags

Cdmsinglemum said:


> I'm a single mom and I can say from my experience it's so much easier to not have to take care of house (and I mean all of it including taxes and repairs), kids and an adult child who only wants to work and take off on weekends with his friends.
> 
> However, that being said, my kids suffer because we can't be a family. My 2 oldest kid's dad cheated and lied so much and also threatened to take them away from me (and I was the one taking care of everybody) and my youngest has a diff father whom they never met (he took off while I was pregnant). It's hard for my kids and I always do my best but sometimes it's just not enough when they are missing that important piece of their genealogy.
> 
> Just like the episode on Dr.Phil I think where the girl was so angry at her mothers because she wanted a dad (and I mean she was mad and stated her mothers were so selfish in not thinking about what she would want), don't forget you're not the only human in this, they matter too. They may not be able to vocal early on, but just wait till they get older...
> 
> Humans have this innate ability to think they are doing good when in fact they are actually being selfish with Ego. Life is never easy I know but everyone wants a say in their life and how it's done, no matter the age.

What a strange post to add to such an amazingly positive and supportive thread!

I am very sorry to hear that your personal relationships have not worked in the way you very obviously hoped they would, and I'm even sorrier to hear that you feel this has effected the lives of your lovely children as they grow into adulthood. I can only offer you all the best for your future, in the same was I always hope for a wonderful life and future for all of the women who post on this thread - however, and why ever, they have chosen to conceive and raise there families in the way the have. Good luck to you:thumbup:


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