# 39 yrs, Scared, Alone and Pregnant



## AtATotalLoss

Please can somone offer me any advice. To cut a long story short, I fell in love with a guy who I beleived felt the same way about me. However, I discovered the other week that he only used me for my money and that he never loved me and has been seeing other women, particularly his ex girlfriend, behind my back. We are not together any more as he assaulted me and has tried to steal my identity by opening up accounts in my name (that's another story!). I found out early this week that I am expecting his baby though. I hate this guy and want nothing to do with him. My dilemma is I have always wanted a child but not like this. I always thought that I'd be a partner and in a stable relationship and have never wanted to be a single parent as I don't know if I will be able to cope on my own. I have little support around and my folks are in their 60s and have said that I will have to move out if I have the child. My fear is that I am 39 years old and that if I abort I may not have the chance of having a child again. But I don't want to be on my own though. Please can anyone offer any advice as I'm at a total loss. This guy in question is utter scum which I found out too late, and has totally ruined my life both financially and emotionally. Thanks. x


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## Daria87

I don't really know what to tell you but I do wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk about anything,I'm always willing to listen about anything and offer help when I can.I've always believed in Karma and I REALLY hope this dirtbag gets his. I'm sorry I couldn't help more :(


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## mumanddad

so sorry for what you have been through, i hope you find some answers to your questions, i cant advice but i know what i would do and that is too keep the baby.

i really hope everything works out for you xx


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## vesna_mk

I was in the same position, only I was 18 years, pregnant, alone and very, very scared, The father didn`t want to have anything with me and the baby. I gave birth to a beautiful son and I kept it with a great help of my parents. Later we got married with the father of my son, but soon we got divorced.
My advise is to keep the baby, like I did and I had never regretted, because the father of your child can be anyone, but only YOU can me the mother. You are 39, so maybe this will be your last chance to have a baby, so don`t hesitate, your parents will be with you, don`t worry, they just need a little time to adjust to the situation.
I am sure about all this things, because today when I am 36, getting ready for my second marriage and my second child, I feel very lucky and proud when I look at my 18 old son and believe me it`s worthwhile.
I must say it was not easy, I live in a small traditional town, so it was very hard sometimes, but the love from your child will heal your pain.

greets,
sorry for the long story
;)


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## vesna_mk

vesna_mk said:


> I was in the same position, only I was 18 years, pregnant, alone and very, very scared, The father didn`t want to have anything with me and the baby. I gave birth to a beautiful son and I kept it with a great help of my parents. Later we got married with the father of my son, but soon we got divorced.
> My advise is to keep the baby, like I did and I had never regretted, because the father of your child can be anyone, but only YOU can be the mother. You are 39, so maybe this will be your last chance to have a baby, so don`t hesitate, your parents will be with you, don`t worry, they just need a little time to adjust to the situation.
> I am sure about all this things, because today when I am 36, getting ready for my second marriage and my second child, I feel very lucky and proud when I look at my 18 old son and believe me it`s worthwhile.
> I must say it was not easy, I live in a small traditional town, so it was very hard sometimes, but the love from your child will heal your pain.
> 
> greets,
> sorry for the long story
> ;)

 let me know what will you decide


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## Luzelle

I'm so sorry to hear of your dilemma. I'm sure there are many, many questions going through your head right now, but here is some more that you can think about in order to make your decision.

1. What are your chances of meeting someone in the near future, someone who you would want to conceive and raise a child with/
2. Are your parents dead against it, or is there a chance that they may change their minds?
3. Could you financially support a baby, do you have a job etc?
4. Would you consider adoption? So many people out there are waiting for a baby...
5. Would you be able to put your history with the biological father behind you and not keep seeing him or thinking of him in your mind?

Good luck to you. I will pray for you. You are in a difficult situation, I pray that you get clarity of mind and calmness of spirit.


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## needausername

I think what you need to look at is if you can emotionally and financially support having a child. If you can then you know what to do.

Many many people have done it on their own before. Actually alot of people on this very forum have done it so if you decide to keep your baby then they will have great tips and support to help you along the way.

If you don't think you can cope with a child it would be worth seeking the support of your G.P. and/or a counsellor to come to a decision on whatever the next step might be


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## Dinoslass

It is such a pity that things turned out this way for you. I can imagine you would have liked to have it differently, but the fact is that you are 39 and if you really want a child this might be your chance. If you decide to keep the baby then you can always think something good came out of all this. 
I can also imagine it must be such a shock for your parents, but hopefully they will just need some time to get to turns with it. 
I can not really advice you what to do as it will be your decision but I hope that you will be happy with whatever you choose in the future. Meanwhile I wish you loads of good luck.


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## cleckner04

Welcome to BnB!!! :wave:


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## carriemoto

Though my situation was a bit different to yours i had a baby at twenty four, the father too immature to handle the situation. Fortunately he has grown up and we are still together, however my parents whom are very old fashioned wanted me to give the child up for adoption. The minute i saw my little boy i knew i couldnt be parted from him. The joy and love he has brought in to my life has been immeasurable he is now 15 and my best freind. I am so glad and lucky to have him. i am expecting my second baby now. I am so sad to hear that this man used and cheated you, believe me you are far too good for him. I cannot tell you what to do but dont make any rash decisions however hard life feels at the moment. And remember its his loss your gain, you are still young and will meet someone who you deserve. Thinking of you.


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## Tashry

I agree with a previous post - the first step is to decide if you can emotionally and financially support this baby on your own. Don't factor the father into the equation; the question is can you handle it? I would bet you are probably more capable than you think you are. If you think you can do it, great, don't worry about what anyone else says or thinks about your situation. If not, talk to someone who can give you unbiased information as to what your options are. Your situation isn't unique - there are thousands of women who have gone through this, and of the ones who have decided to raise their babies, I have yet to hear of one who regretted it. It may be tough for so many reasons (as it is for all of us, single, married, rich or poor), but there is nothing that will be as great in your life as the relationship you will have with your child. 
I wish you all the best and please know that there are many wonderful people here who are always willing to give advise, opinions and support. You aren't alone.


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## reedsgirl1138

My only advice is that.."God never gives us more than we can handle". HE blessed you with a mircle and partner or not you can handle it. Pray about it. God will help you find peace with it all


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## AtATotalLoss

Many many thanks for your reply. I am still at a total loss with it all to be honest. I'm a real mess emotionally at the moment as I just can't get over what he's done to me and that he was just set out to use me for my money. What I can't get over is that he went that one step further and made me believe that he loved me and wanted a family together.... and now he's left with me with this mess. I ABSOLUTELY HATE HIM FOR THIS!!! I have texted him to let him know and he hasn't even replied. Just says it all really. I don't have a perm job either. I am on a contract which will end at the end of April so I can't even afford to bring the baby up and I won't get maternity pay or anything. What a mess. I cry a lot and then get angry.... my emotions are all over the place. My folks are both in their 60s and have said that they will support me but that they won't be around for ever. xxxx


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## AtATotalLoss

needausername said:


> I think what you need to look at is if you can emotionally and financially support having a child. If you can then you know what to do.
> 
> Many many people have done it on their own before. Actually alot of people on this very forum have done it so if you decide to keep your baby then they will have great tips and support to help you along the way.
> 
> If you don't think you can cope with a child it would be worth seeking the support of your G.P. and/or a counsellor to come to a decision on whatever the next step might be

I can't really cope financially as I am on a contract which will expire end of April. I therefore wouldn't get any maternity pay. I've never been in this situation and don't know what benefits I would get. I have always worked and pay my way in life and I really don't want to live off the state. Please DONT GET ME WRONG there is nothing with living off the state and I don't want to offend anyone but I never thought that it would happen to me. I'm also really scared that I won't be able to cope emotionally too. I can't get over what he's done to me and potentially have two court cases against him that I'm having to deal with. He's done so much to me in such a short space of time. I can't go into all the details here due to the pending cases but the CID are involved as it's pretty serious. Any words of advice you have would be a great help xxx


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## ravenmel

Chin up, congrat on your beautiful baby. This child is a blessing in disguise, it may not seem like it now, but it will make going through that horrible experience worth it. In an ideal world every woman would find the man of her dreams, get married, have loads of babies and live happily ever after ,but in the real world not so much.

You have it in you to do this and you're parents will help whatever way they can.Plus there's more help than ever now for single parents, maybe try finding a support group in your area and for financial help go to your nearest sure start or citizens advice centre, they'll be able to tell you if you're entitle to any financial assistance, it might be small but it's better than nothing. 39 and the clock is ticking, do you really want to wait to meet someone new, fall in love again make sure his not a jerk blah blah blah you'll be probably be around 44 and than the odds of getting pregnant may not be as good? Just saying really think about you're decision, seriously. 

hugs and kisses hope you feel better.


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## needausername

AtATotalLoss said:


> needausername said:
> 
> 
> I think what you need to look at is if you can emotionally and financially support having a child. If you can then you know what to do.
> 
> Many many people have done it on their own before. Actually alot of people on this very forum have done it so if you decide to keep your baby then they will have great tips and support to help you along the way.
> 
> If you don't think you can cope with a child it would be worth seeking the support of your G.P. and/or a counsellor to come to a decision on whatever the next step might be
> 
> I can't really cope financially as I am on a contract which will expire end of April. I therefore wouldn't get any maternity pay. I've never been in this situation and don't know what benefits I would get. I have always worked and pay my way in life and I really don't want to live off the state. Please DONT GET ME WRONG there is nothing with living off the state and I don't want to offend anyone but I never thought that it would happen to me. I'm also really scared that I won't be able to cope emotionally too. I can't get over what he's done to me and potentially have two court cases against him that I'm having to deal with. He's done so much to me in such a short space of time. I can't go into all the details here due to the pending cases but the CID are involved as it's pretty serious. Any words of advice you have would be a great help xxxClick to expand...


Unfortunately I haven't any advice from personal experience but one thing I would do is back an appointment with a citizens advice centre to find out what you would be entitled to and how you would go about getting it. Weigh it all up once you have the information before you make any decision about your future.

It may be worth making a post in the work and finance section and the single parents section. You will get lots of advice there on what you need to look for. And you may meet someone in there that is in a similar situation as you.


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## needausername

Right......you are getting lots advice re money in the other thread.

Now another thing you need to do is make a list of stuff you will need for baby like moses basket, bedding, clothing to start off with and look up how you can get them cheaply. Try ebay and local 2nd hand stores for big items like the moses basket, cot. As for clothing, at the start you will probably only need fairly little because people will buy you gifts of clothes when baby is born. Also if you have friends that have babies a few months ahead you can ask them for hand me downs. Look in the cheaper shops for clothing to see how much it costs.

Get a feel for the financial side of things as much as you can. You will be surprised how far your money can go when you only have a little.


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## Jkelmum

Welcome to bnb 

Its not this babies fault that his/her dad is scum she/he didnt ask to concieved , also why kill a baby just to ttc when u think u have found mr right ? 
Abortion is not a topic allowed on bnb


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## nicholatmn

:wave: Welcome to BNB!


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## Goldy

The after abortion feeling will be stuck with you forever, remember the child is innocent. Though I understand your dilemma. Have been thru the abortion and cannot forgive myself even after 5 years. Keep the baby please.


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## Goldy

What did you finally decide to do? Just thought I would ask since it's been a while.


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## Groovychick

Any update hun?


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## xJG30

https://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g146/GemLoux/wel4lt.gif :wave:


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## v2007

Welcome to BnB. 

:wave:

V xxxx


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