# African American Babies



## pinkreality

Private adoption VS going through an agency, can anyone break it down for me? And what would be the best way to go about finding more people that are interested in african american babies?


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## keepinfaith

from the research I have been doing over the past couple weeks, i feel like a lot of it comes down to fees and my guess what is provided for you (since i am on the otherside of things). Do some research about whether they will pay your medical bills, as though are so costly. Also it seems there are many couples have found birthmothers on their own and then work with their agency along with that birthmother. Either way you go, as the birthmother you have the say. you pick the family, so if you want your child with african american parents, etc you can decide that. I can't speak for everyone but myself and the couples i know going through the same process are totally open for race. never been an issue for me as my mother runs a nonprofit fund for Kenya, and my nephew is African American. But I am sure there are people where race matters. but again, think there are a lot of couple who are open to any race, you will have plenty of families to choose from. The key is you find somone that you feel good about. what you are doing is amazing, you will make some family very happy. My ony piece of adice is not to use a facilitator. In my research i have found that many aren't licensed and only do it for the money. If you go private you will need a lawyer for sure. An agency may be better as they have people to handle all of that, and they will administer the home studies on the family you choose, as well as provide you with all the counseling you will need. Good luck and God bless


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## keepinfaith

another thohught: is there a lutheran social services in your state? They are highly reputable. I am not using them purley b/c the wait it just too long as opposed to Adoption Minnesota here. But otherwise they would have been my first pick. For private find a lawyer who also facilitates, i have been warned by lawyers and agancies to stay away from anyone who is just a facilitator. good luck


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## pinkreality

Thank you so much for that detailed reply! I feel so confused, I want to make sure I'm taking the right steps and going through the right agencies to make sure my baby ends up with a good family. I have no problem with race at all, any kind of family could take the butterball if that would guarantee a good life you know. I'm going to check out the Lutheran social services now and see whats available here in my state. Thanks!!!


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## silverbelle

I am not sure exactly what you want to know, but I was a social worker for the state of Texas that did adoptions, I also have an African American little brother that my family adopted. Adoption varies a quite a bit by state, but if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask me! But here are some quick thoughts:

Know exactly what you want. As a former social worker, I can tell you, it's easy for them to try to pressure you into doing what they want. It's know because they are bad people, but after working many many cases, it was always easy to think that we know best. 

Know if you want an open or closed adoption. Know how much contact exactly you are going to want with the child, and make sure that the family you pick is on board with that. I know you said that race was not an issue for you, and I totally agree that family made up of all different colors are beautiful (mine is Hispanic, White and Black), If you choose a Caucasian family just realize that race WILL be an issue for your baby someday, and make sure that you find a family with a healthy attitude towards race who can guide your baby to be strong and proud of who that are.


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## pinkreality

silverbelle said:


> I am not sure exactly what you want to know, but I was a social worker for the state of Texas that did adoptions, I also have an African American little brother that my family adopted. Adoption varies a quite a bit by state, but if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask me! But here are some quick thoughts:
> 
> Know exactly what you want. As a former social worker, I can tell you, it's easy for them to try to pressure you into doing what they want. It's know because they are bad people, but after working many many cases, it was always easy to think that we know best.
> 
> Know if you want an open or closed adoption. Know how much contact exactly you are going to want with the child, and make sure that the family you pick is on board with that. I know you said that race was not an issue for you, and I totally agree that family made up of all different colors are beautiful (mine is Hispanic, White and Black), If you choose a Caucasian family just realize that race WILL be an issue for your baby someday, and make sure that you find a family with a healthy attitude towards race who can guide your baby to be strong and proud of who that are.

Thank you very much, time is flying and the baby will be here soon and i'm really stressing out trying to get this process started and find the perfect family. The adoption agencies I have spoken to in the past couple of days only seem to have a handful of families that want an african american baby and so now I'm getting scared. :( I don't know what questions I should be asking and what I'm entitled to. I feel lost.


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## silverbelle

Well, here is the thing. Once you give the baby up for adoption and the papers are signed, the baby will be the adoptive parent's. That means that legally, you are not entitled to anything. No visits, no pictures, no letter, nothing. But, there are many adoptive families who are willing and even want to have an open relationship with the child's biological mother. "open" can mean a lot of things. "open" can mean that they send you picture every year and keep you informed, but you don't meet the baby until it is much older, perhaps a teenager or adult, or "open" can mean that you like a favorite aunt that is around for every birthday and Christmas and soccer game. "closed" means that you would have absolutely no contact with the child or family after the adoption. So figure out what you are expecting. Is it okay with you if the baby lives in a different city? state?

About race, it's great when families say that they will take a baby of any race. I think that this is best. As a social worker it drove me a little bonkers when people did not want children of other races. However, while race might not matter to the family, it will matter to the world. So you should ask families if they are prepared to deal with that. When the child is little, will it have exposure to other people of color? You don't want it to grow up thinking it is the only black person in the world! Will it's story books have white and black heros? Will the family celebrate the fact that it is now a bi-racial family, or will is pretend that it is still a white family that just happens to have a black baby? I think that those are some questions you should ask yourself and the prospective families.


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## pinkreality

Aha... okay I see.


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## silverbelle

I feel like I might have scared you off! I was just trying to let you know what questions to ask. Feel free to PM me if you want, I don't know how to send a message on this site or I would send one to you...


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## puppymom32

Hey hun I would just start talking to various agencies. I am sure they have plenty of people who are wanting babies in your area. Best of luck. You are going to make a couple extremely happy.


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## nevernormal

I guess I know that as a couple who may one day pursue adoption, I'd rather go private as the fees are lower for the same end result. But yes, definitely you'd want to go through a lawyer who knows what they're doing! 

What about contacting some different churches in the area and asking if the pastor or secretary knows of any couples in the church that are looking to adopt?


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