# Triplets Lost (Long Post)



## LWood

This is long but I just have to get it all out. 

DH and I have been trying to conceive since or wedding in 2009. I am 34 years old and have never been pregnant before.

On Friday, Jan. 28, 2011 I was supposed to get a visit from AF but she didn&#8217;t come. I am very regular so I thought it was odd but I just knew I wasn&#8217;t pregnant. That weekend I was raging with emotions, I was laughing and crying at the same time, I was cramping but didn&#8217;t bleed. DH bought me a pregnancy test just in case. I took it and I got my BFP!

On Feb 2nd I had a blood test to confirm. I was told I didn&#8217;t need to see a doctor until I was at least 8 weeks pregnant so I just told a few family members and started doing everything in my power to be as &#8220;perfect&#8221; as I could be for this baby.

15 days later I was having some spotting and even though I was told it was probably the baby implanting, my doctor wanted to see me. Low and behold, my ultrasound showed two babies! The Ultrasound tech said my doc wanted to have a chat with me. Doc said that even though we only saw two babies there were three heartbeats! She said that the third heartbeat could be mine, the third heart beat was much weaker than the other two and that one or all babies could reabsorb. She said to keep doing what I am doing and she would check me again in two weeks. DH and I were excited and petrified at the same time. There were so many &#8220;What if&#8217;s.&#8221;

On March 3rd I had another ultrasound and it confirmed three thriving babies, three strong heartbeats, three little kidney beans! I was having spontaneous triplets and I was thrilled. I was told I was high risk and that I&#8217;d need to see a specialist (who was 2 hours way) and my first appt would be on April 4th. DH and I went home and told EVERYONE. I was having a miracle. Everyone started donating baby stuff to us. I read everything I could find on triplets and took care of myself as perfectly as I could. I started showing early. 

I knew waiting till the 4th was too long for me to see the babies again so I asked if I could have another ultrasound. Doc said that if I let the nurse give me one, they wouldn't report it to my insurance and it would be free. On March 21 I went to have my first non-vag ultrasound. The nurse didn&#8217;t quite know how to work the machine but I could swear I saw the babies moving. I wasn&#8217;t satisfied with the exam since the ultrasound was dark and it didn&#8217;t pick up a clear heartbeat. I asked if I could come in for a vaginal ultrasound the next day.

When my babies popped up on that screen they looked perfect! They actually looked like little babies and to my great relief they were each in their own sacs! We were so excited that we didn&#8217;t notice there was no fluttering or movement. The ultrasound tech called in the doc and she said there were no heart beats and she was sorry. I couldn&#8217;t believe it. They looked so wonderful on the screen. I asked if she was sure&#8230; She said they were a week and a half behind in growth. I couldn&#8217;t get off that table fast enough. I was so devastated that I didn&#8217;t ask for the photos but now I wish I had.

I opted for a D & C because I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up with them gone. I couldn&#8217;t emotionally handle passing them at home. On the day of my D & C (March 24) another young lady, who lost twins at 12 weeks, had her procedure right before me. I wanted to run to her and hug her and talk about it because she&#8217;d be the only one who would have any idea how I felt, but I didn&#8217;t. I just cried and prayed for her and her babies instead.

So now I sit here in maternity pants, with a house full of baby stuff and no babies. My hubby doesn&#8217;t understand my sadness and we&#8217;ve talked about it and I don&#8217;t resent him for not hurting as much as I do. I finally had my first spotting-free week and I am feeling better physically. My hormones are down to 29 so I will be able to try again soon. I am very blessed in many ways but I can&#8217;t stop crying. I can&#8217;t stop wanting them. I can&#8217;t stop wondering what they&#8217;d look or act like. I am scared to try again but hubby can hardly wait.

Thank you for letting me vent.
I think I will print this post to go in the memory box I hope to purchase tonight.


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## cazi77

Don't quite know what to say but sending you big :hugs: at this difficult time. My thoughts are with you xxx


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## jojo23

so sorry for your loss hun! DH sometimes find it hard to express themselves tbh... i was so annoyed at mine for a long time because i felt like he was ignoring that we ever had a baby(i had mmc at 22 weeks) i totally understand sitting around in your maternity clothes feeling useless and hopeless. its the sense of not being able to do anything that got to me. It will get a little easier hun i promise im 2 and a half months on and i still get days where i cry my eyes out and days when things are a little easier. ill never forget it but i will learn to live with it. sending you and your angel all the love and hugs in the world :hugs: look after yourself huni xxx


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## Sweetie

I'm so sorry :hugs: I will be thinking of you and your beautiful angels


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## pooh_bear

Dear LWOOD

I am SO sorry to hear about your tragic loss :( I think it helps to get your feelings out and on this forum you know that others can understand and relate to what you are going through. I've found one of the hardest things to deal with is the emptiness, lonliness and feelings of isolation. Nobody can understand the pain of losing a baby unless they have gone through it themselves. I know that once you see your baby (or in your case babies) you instantly feel a bond of unconditional love. All I can say is that you are not alone and if you ever need anything please dont hesitate to message me. This forum is such a source of comfort and support. Thinking of you and sending love and hugs your way x


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## Andypanda6570

You must be devastated and I am so deeply sorry :cry::cry::cry:
I lost my Ava 6 weeks ago at 18 weeks and I am a mess to say the least. My God, triplets ,I can believe it . Please if you need a friend I am here and so are many others. This forum has been so helpful to me, I am so sorry and my prayers are with you and your family..
xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## JPARR01

I am very sorry for your loss. Your precious angels will always hold a special place in your heart. Thinking of you! xx :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## LWood

Thank you ladies. You are all in my heart as well.


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## Vickie

:hugs: So sorry for your losses


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## Jasiellover

Soo sorry for your losses :(


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## andella95

I'm very sorry for your losses! I can't imagine the heartache you must be feeling. My thoughts are with you.


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## babyfromgod

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs::cry:


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## coco84

So sorry for your loss hun, its the most devistating thing not see a little heartbeat, that feeling will stay with me forever. 

I lost identical twins 2 weeks ago. Here if you need anything. x x x


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## cindersmcphee

I am so sorry, I have lost twins. Lost first at nine weeks and second baby at 16 weeks. It really is devestating


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## sweetcheeks78

So sorry honey :hugs:


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## Glitterbug666

I'm so very sorry :cry: :hugs:


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## Ducktales

dear LWood,
so so sorry for your losses.
Take care of each other and you WILL find it gets easier each day, it never goes away but it gets easier to cope if you know what i mean
big hugs
xxxxx


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## greeneyes0279

So sorry for your losses. Sending you :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## NYcountrygirl

How devistating. I'm so sorry for your extreem loss, and I just couldn't imagine. Whether it be 1 baby or 3 babies, it's just an awful awful loss. They will always hold a special place in your heart, now and forever. I'm sorry.


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## LilMissCheer

So sorry :hugs::hugs:


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## wishful think

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your 3 little ones. Life is so cruel xxxxxxxxx


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## LWood

EDIT: I posted a silly question then found out my answer and can't figure out how to delete my post.


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## Lanyloo

So sorry for your losses


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## hopeandpray

I am so sorry :hugs:


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## LWood

Thank you. Tomorrow is the one month anniversary of my D&C and I am having AF-ish cramps... maybe wishful thinking...


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## xSamanthax

Awww hun i'm so so so sorry for your losses :cry: :cry: sending lots of :hugs: your way


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## Weeplin

I'm so sorry for your loss hon :hugs: :hugs:


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## goddess25

So very sorry for your losses. In my experience our husbands hurt in there own way. They tend to be more insular about the whole process. We have the babies inside us and feel it in a much more intimate way from day 1. So sorry, and remember that it was so recent it will take time to feel better. It doesnt happen overnight. :hugs:


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## Vicyi

So sorry for your losses :hugs: x


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## mlyn26

What an awful situation you have gone through. I am so sorry for your losses. X


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## summer rain

So sorry :( xx


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## s4m4nth4

I'm so so sorry xxxxxx


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## hollyrose

i'm so sorry for your loss. i've had 2 miscarriages and the doctors told me i was carrying twins the 1st time. big hug. xo


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## Amarkhall

I am so sorry to hear ur loss , Unfortunatly i also went through the exact same thing .......

i had been ttc for 3 yrs now up until last october i found out i was pregnant .......... 
i am a easy going person so did what i thought was right for my pregnancy (my previos pregnancy was a walk in the park no worries healthy baby boy ) and so i waited till i was 4 weeks till going to doc for dating scan , had some bloods and levels came back fine......
over the next month i noticed i couldnt stay awake during day and was vomiting an awful lot of the day up to 17 times a day (which i did Not get with 1st preg) so was getting a little frustrated .........

i went to hospital one night as i just couldnt take any more and thought they might be able to help me sleep a whole night with out vomiting ,
more bloods were taken just to find out my hormone levels and not risin in 3 weeks
so i was sent for an emergancy scan the next day, 
got up early with my best friend and son was so excited because i thought finally going to see my baby for the first time ,

1st he tried a normal belly scan but could not see properly then a vag scan and just when he said i can see 3 babies identical with in a blink of an eye he also said BUT i cant see any viable heart beats, ( my response look harder) 

but no they were already gone.........:nope:

it was a very hard time in my life, but its now this week which is hardest , in my head when my son started full time kindy i would be preparing a nursery for triplets its hurting every day, i cant sleep ,all i see is my little girls in my dreams ,then i seem to wake up crying , i despretly wanna try again but i dont want to forget my girls let alone replace them , I feel for you and do totally understand, ppl will try comfort u but its just not the same 

i believe i have 4 children no matter what ppl say even if there is only 1 on this earth , they walk with me every day and i believe yours are doing the same 

my heart and thoughts are with you, every time i cry ill cry for you too :cry:, may our babies be comferting each other where ever they are :hugs:

yours truly Amy


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## Bosch

Sorry for your losses. Your angels will always be with you.

Love, hugs and strength


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## kermy79

dont know what to say but sorry. didnt want to r&r


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## LWood

Amarkhall,
If you ever want to talk, rant, whatever, please feel free to message me.
I am so, so sorry for your loss...

We kept all the stuff we had for the triplets (three cribs, two carseats etc) to see what this next pregnancy brings (TTC in June). It is all in my mother's attic so I don't have to look at it.


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## Lala27

Saddest thing I have ever read. I'm so sorry. I know this is an old post. I hope you have a healthy baby or two or three someday soon.


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## LWood

Lala27 said:


> Saddest thing I have ever read. I'm so sorry. I know this is an old post. I hope you have a healthy baby or two or three someday soon.

Thank you Lala, I'm working on it :)


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## EmmaRea

Wow. I am so, so sorry for your loss. :hug:


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## Sydd

:hugs:


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## Lala27

Looks like it happened for you Lwood?


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## LWood

Lala27 said:


> Looks like it happened for you Lwood?


LALA! How are you? Are you still pregnant and doing well?

I am pregnant with one baby boy and doing well.

:hugs:


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## IrishGirl

Oh hun Massive Massive Hugs xoxoxIm so so very sorry for your losses xoxoxWere all here for you if you ever need to talk xoxoxox


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## QuintinsMommy

:hugs:


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## LWood

Thanks ladies. It's been a little over 7 months since my loss and I am pregnant with a little boy. Some days are harder than others but over all I am well.


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## scoobydrlp

I'm a little behind the times here, but wanted to say I am so sorry for your losses, and so excited to see you are pregnant now! Congrats!


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## LWood

scoobydrlp said:


> I'm a little behind the times here, but wanted to say I am so sorry for your losses, and so excited to see you are pregnant now! Congrats!

Thank you. I am sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## bigmomma 4

I had just found out that I was pregnant on mon. And on thursday morning I had some bleeding so I went to the gyno and had a sono. There were three babies! A set of twins and then a third. There was only one heartbeat that was very weak. She called my doc in and I just listened to the heartbeat fade away. So I know what you're going through. Just know that God shapes us through these hardships to test us and make us more godly. I will pray for you.


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## LWood

bigmomma 4 said:


> I had just found out that I was pregnant on mon. And on thursday morning I had some bleeding so I went to the gyno and had a sono. There were three babies! A set of twins and then a third. There was only one heartbeat that was very weak. She called my doc in and I just listened to the heartbeat fade away. So I know what you're going through. Just know that God shapes us through these hardships to test us and make us more godly. I will pray for you.

I just saw this. I am sorry for the delay in response. I am so sorry to hear of your loss...:hugs:


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## Dreamworld05

I am sorry for your loss.I lost my triplets at 9.5 weeks.Had a d&c yesterday.I can understand how devastating it is.I had a ivf transfer and 1 embryo split to 3 which the doctor said was very very rare and was already a high risk pregnancy.Still my doctor was hopeful for at least one healthy baby.Until 9 th week everything was fine.At 10 week scan my doctor was not happy and sent me to get a high resolution scan.We were shocked and in extreme pain when the doctor said none of them have heartbeat!!!


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## Bevziibubble

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs::hugs:


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