# How can I control my anxiety?



## onetwothreebp

I am having severe anxiety regarding the gender of my child. 

I have a terrible relationship with my mother and with my sisters. I have never gotten along with them. I have been betrayed and burnt by "best friends" before and learned to trust myself and my OH only. I don't have a lot of 'girlfriends' or anything, I usually hang out with my husband or with him and his friends. I have a few girl friends but I only see them twice a year or so. 

I'm not very maternal, I didn't want children at all but agreed to 2 for my husband's sake. When we were pregnant with our son, I wanted a boy so bad. I got nervous and had panic attacks plenty until I could finally have a scan and find out. I was so relieved to hear I was having a boy because I feel like more maternal instincts are required with daughters and I don't want a relationship with my daughter like I had with my mother. 

Now I am pregnant with #2. Even before I was pregnant, the gender was on my mind, every once in awhile the thought would cross my mind and I'd stop and give thought to it. However, it's gotten A LOT worse since I became pregnant - my anxiety is now full blown and I am PETRIFIED of having a daughter. 

I don't find out for another 2.5 weeks (and that's even if baby cooperates!) but how can I calm my anxiety? What if it's a girl? What if I have a daughter? How can I survive gender disappointment? I want another little bo sooo badly, my son deserves a best friend. 

Any tips/advice/stories welcome!


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## MelliPaige

I Want a boy too...I don't have any tips because I'm anxious myself but you're not alone!


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## onetwothreebp

It's relieving to know I'm not alone!


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## Pearls18

I don't know the answer sorry, when do you find out?


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## onetwothreebp

A week from today :( 

I barely slept last night because I kept having weird dreams about a little girl planting sunflowers in my eyes and eating my brains.... I need to stop playing plants vs zombies before I sleep.


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## MeAndMyShadow

Awww hun, you may be getting anxious over nothing, hope you get your boy. I had a couple of girl dreams with DS2 and he is all boy, so don't think dreams determine gender really. Hope the week goes fast for you and either way you come to terms with things xxx


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## onetwothreebp

Thanks doll, I really hope that is the case. I will SOB tears of joy if they announce its a boy. 

I am doing my best to prepare myself that it may be a girl, I keep glancing at girl things at the stores and imagining myself with a son and daughter. It makes me break out into a cold sweat but I'm trying to condition myself so it's not such a shock.


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## MeAndMyShadow

That is a great way to deal with things. In my second pregnancy, even though I had feelings it was a boy, I mentally tried to prepare for a girl(like you, I wanted boys). At the scan, I had the tech write it on a piece of paper and give it to DH, I didn't want to hear at the scan and cry or something. When DH told me it was a boy, I cried of joy and relief! Crazy thing is, looking back, I would have been just fine had it been a girl. My opinion has changed I guess, I could see having a girl as they are just as wonderful. I know the anxiety is horrible, I had it too, but take on day at a time and things will be okay no matter the outcome xxx


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## shayzee

Hey hun, its a tricky position to be in , i was exactly the same a year ago - i desperately wanted a 2nd ds & fretted the whole way through my pregnancy ( i decided to stay team yellow-i think i did the right thing because i know it would have been much harder for me ) . Although throughout my pregnancy when i went shopping & i saw something i liked for a baby girl - i did buy it; so i didnt mind the thought of having a dd ( i just wanted my dd to be my no.3 & last baby- silly i know but thats what ive always had in my head!) i had panic attacks & became depressed after i had my dd - but obviously i love her to bits,shes growing up to be a naughty little madam & her brother loves her so much - my ds wanted a brother SO bad too & refused to come to the hospital to see her!!!:cry:But he did come & became protective of her as soon as she came home - now as soon as he comes home from school he looks for her before me to give her kisses & if i take her to school he becomes so proud & happy that shes there!! 
I pray your wish comes true but if you do have a dd , please dont worry you will be fine - its natural after all , you're a mother you'll know how to love her,:hugs:


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## Pearls18

onetwothreebp said:


> A week from today :(
> 
> I barely slept last night because I kept having weird dreams about a little girl planting sunflowers in my eyes and eating my brains.... I need to stop playing plants vs zombies before I sleep.

Good luck, mine is Friday, I know we want different things but I can totally relate to being afraid of your own reaction it's so hard when we have no control. Is there really a game called plants vs zombies lol?!


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## onetwothreebp

Good luck for yours! 

I never really worried with my first pregnancy. It was such a shock that I focused more on the whole baby aspect vs gender. Once I adjusted to the idea, I just KNEW I was having a boy. You couldn't convince me otherwise. When the tech said it was a boy, I went "I know" while hubby was freaking out hahaha


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## Misscalais

Fingers crossed for another boy for you, I have two they are best mates and also fight like cats and dogs lol but they do have a very special bond all of their own :)
I guess if you do have a girl you'll know that you don't want it to be like it is with your mum and sisters so there's a good chance you'll have a fabulous relationship if you do get a DD.
Fingers crossed for that boy though :)


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## onetwothreebp

My scan is tomorrow and I am getting so scared, ladies. 

I'm not going to sleep a wink tonight. 

What kind of things can I do to prepare myself if I hear girl?


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## kaths101

Good luck, just visualise what it would be like, try and imagine her saying its a girl and prepare yourself. 
The likely hood is you won't have a terribly relationship and will bond great, you are not your mum and if it was me I would try even harder to have that special bond and she would probably end up totally spoilt. Haha
Stay calm, good luck and let us know x


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## MeAndMyShadow

Did you find out hun xx


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## onetwothreebp

Well, I heard girl, and I didn't break down sobbing! (Although i cried most of the way home)

I'm sure everything will be okay, I'm more resigned than I was a few weeks ago, but I'm still pretty anxious. 

What if she hates me??? What if I hate her?? What if I love her more than my son? So many feelings, ugh.


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## MeAndMyShadow

Awww hun, lots of hugs. I'm sure you will be over the moon with your baby girl when she gets here, they really are wonderful, and a bond between Mother and Daughter can be one of the strongest in the world. You're gonna be great as a "girl Mommy"!! Congrats on your pink bundle, I think when you get your head wrapped around it, you'll start to accept and even get excited! Take one day at a time, am so excited for you though, I think you are truly gonna enjoy having a daughter! x


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## shayzee

Congratulations on your baby girl, ( sorry you didnt hear blue).Please dont worry hun , you'll love your DD so much it'll amaze you - it comes naturally ; but i agree with pp that take each day at a time to accept it, once shes here hopefully you'll be so smitten you'll forget you ever felt different.:hugs:


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## farmwife25

I understand your concern. I was told boy at my 20w scan. I was so thrilled and relieved as that's what I was hoping for, but now im worried what if she was wrong! I want a healthy baby first and formost but im sick thinking what if I get a girl. Im an only child hated my mother as we had a terrible relationship and been burned by friends too! I dont relate to girls. Inlove the thought this is a boy, and bonding with him only to be told at birth its a girl I think would shock me! Like tonthe point it would take me a while to come around. Dh doesnt get it either. I know he wants a boy too he just doesnt voice it as much. He said who cares if he comes out a she? I care! Im bonding imagining what our boy will be like and look oike only to have it taken away would be hard for me. I almost wish I hadnt found out as I worry all the time. At this point im not having anymore ultrasound and itsvok with me as im scared to be told different. 
Where in canada are you? Im in sask.


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## farmwife25

Sorry I didnt finish reading posts. If she is anything like you shell be a pretty little thing. Youll come around. Now you ccan start bonding. All those cute girly clothes and accessories I see you having a cutie!


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## onetwothreebp

Blah, I am just not enjoying this. 

I just want to constantly cry every time I think of the baby. 

My husband is overjoyed and wants to tell the world but we haven't told family yet. I won't be able to fake being excited.


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## Misscalais

Sorry you're still not warming up to it. Hopefully soon you might start to feel happy about it. 
:hugs:


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## jenniferttc1

:hugs: Sorry you didn't hear :blue: 
I'm not sure what to say to make you feel better that others haven't already said. But I will say the relationship with your daughter will have nothing to do with how it was with your mother. Your relationship will be what you make it.


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## onetwothreebp

I'm trying to hold on to that. 

I'm trying to excite myself (girly ticker, looking at girl clothes, etc)


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## Visje

Hey, from your bad experiences, at least you know how not to raise a girl! Sometimes, bad experiences can be the best teacher.


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## lau86

I think your girl will get here and you will adore her. I can relate to your feelings, I had hoped for a girl and its another boy. I feel awful for even thinking it but I can't help the way I feel. I am just trying to take each day at a time and before I know it he will be here
And I will be in love with him. I bet you will feel the same.


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## onetwothreebp

I am getting a little more adjusted to the idea. I love the colour purple so have begun nursery ideas. 

I'm not doing anything concrete yet because my 20 week scan will confirm gender and I'm still hoping it will say :blue:!


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## Willow87

onetwothreebp I absolutely LOVE the fact that you were hoping for a second boy! Don't see that often at all around here. Purple is my fave color for a girl's nursery as its not sicky like pink lol. You will be fine. If it helps at all, I hope to have what you have in the future. I have a scrummy gorgeous baby boy and hope that my second is a girl. Good lck hun!


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## lau86

Hope you're ok Hun and feeling a bit more positive x


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## Guppy051708

Hi hon :hugs: first off, i think your fears are very normal and validated by how females have treated you in the past. I know my situation is slightly different, but i was feeling exactly like you when i found out my first was a boy and then again when i found out my second was a boy. The reason is because, besides DH, males have mistreated me, abused me, and hurt me causing emotional damage and physical scarring for life. It was not until i met my husband that i started to adjust to the idea that some men are gems...that was hard for me...it took a long time to get over my boys being boys and part of that is how burned ive been as a result of most men in my life. I was left wondering how would i cope? how could i be motherly towards boys when my entire life (until meeting dh) evolved around such vicious men? How can i adjust? how can i be the best mom to a sex that i have trouble relating to in most every way but also that i have trouble trusting?...those were all things that went through my mind. It took a lot of time to get my head in the right place...then one day, it hit me...maybe the reason why i had two boys, despite these negative male figures in my life, was because i needed a positive experience with that sex. That i needed some type of good from males to overcome the bad that i had received from them. Ever since then i have been feeling much better. My mindset has totally changed, but tbh it was really hard for me and i was very anxious about having two boys until the "uh-huh" moment.

I know its totally the opposite for you. but i just wanted to reach out to you as i truly understand how you are feeling. But i wanted to let you know that things have turned out great for me. I couldn't be more motherly towards my sweet boys. I believe you will experience similar. I believe you will be a great mom to a girl and be just as maternal as you are to your son. It may take time. It might happen the day you give birth, it might take a few months, but i think you'll get into it and then you will be left with a positive experience with another female. You may never feel good about other women in your life, but you will have at least one positive female relationship as a result. I am truly confident in that for you. :hugs:


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## onetwothreebp

Thank you so much everybody for your kind thoughts, I really do appreciate them. They're very encouraging when some of the days are very bleak. 

So, I had a dream.

I know dreams don't necessarily predict the future, I believe it is more my sub-conscious processing the day I've had, all the events that have happened and the thoughts that I have had. So I had a dream that I had this chubby little girl that I was so in love with and I couldn't stop kissing her chubby cheeks because she kept squealing. I know it's dumb but it made me a little more excited about the process of having a daughter. 

It also really helps that my in-law family is going to be THRILLED. They have one grand-daughter the family is dominated by males - OH has 3 brothers and three nephews. Girls are definitely outnumbered. I know the moment they hear it's a girl, they're going to be so overjoyed for us. 

(My family will be meh; I have two sisters - one has a boy and a girl and the other has no children so my parents are pretty meh over grandchildren. They have one of each and they're "satisfied" with that considering they're not really involved in their lives) 

So while I am still mourning the loss of a dream I had, I'm slowly becoming excited for a new dream that is developing, I am curious to see where it will take my family.


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## onetwothreebp

I have 8 days until my 20 week ultrasound. I am still hoping that perhaps I will hear that we are actually expecting a boy...


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## shayzee

Fingers crossed they tell you what you want to hear hun. Did you sway at all with this baby?


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## Guppy051708

Hope the next few days go by quickly. :hugs:


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## onetwothreebp

No, I didn't sway. I actually had never really heard of swaying until I joined this site. 

I got pregnant my first cycle, I thought it would take awhile but knowing my luck, I'm a Fertile Myrtle.


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## onetwothreebp

Had my 20 week scan this morning and baby is definitely a girl. 

I did hold out some hope that baby would be a boy but thankfully, I'm handling it much better than I thought I would. 

I've mostly resigned myself to the idea of having a girl. Since my 16 week scan, I haven't really looked at boy stuff, I've focused completely on girl stuff to try and get my head wrapped around the idea and I think it worked. 

So, still kind of wish baby was a boy but taking it one day at a time with a girl.


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## shayzee

:hugs: Glad you're feeling a bit better- but it will be hard, you'll have good days then bad-i was like that- I love my daughter dearly & some days i forget my GD but then some days i still feel the dissapointment of not having another boy.
Looking at girly clothes etc really does help; it does take some getting used to though coz we've been so used to looking at boys stuff- ( & because we were hoping we'd need more boys stuff too).
i didnt sway with my daughter but if i'd have known about swaying i'd definitely have given it a try. :flower:


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## pinklightbulb

It took me weeks to come to terms with having a second son. By the end of the pregnancy I was looking forward to it, but it took me a lot of tears and sadness to get there. I knew Liam was my last baby so I would never be mother to a girl, and definitely struggled with that concept. Now he's here, and I wouldn't change him for anything. The longing for a girl still exists but I would never swap him for all the girls in the world.


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## Willow87

Just reading that your hubby has 3 brothers and they all have boys makes me hopeful that we can conceive a girl one day! Hubby has 2 brothers and we all have 1 boy each. 

Congrats on your girl btw!


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## onetwothreebp

Hang in there! OH's oldest brother has 2 boys and a girl. His other brother just has one boy. We have a boy and a girl. There is hope for you!!


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