# any help?



## lilmissj

hiya everyone, I am in a situation which is causing me alot of distress and heart ache. My boyfriend of 8 months recently told me he doesnt want kids or to get married just yet, which i can understand he is only 21. I was on the pill however about 4 weeks ago I had to go onto a course of antibiotics which at the time I thought was ok, however on Monday I thought it strange I hadnt come on my period yet and thought its probably nothing because I am on the pill but i'll take a test just to be on the safe side. To my shock all 3 of the tests came back positive and were tellin me i am 4 weeks pregnant. After a lenghty discusion with my doctor i found out the the pill is inefective with certain types of antibiotics. After talking with my boyfriend about a friends pregnancy last weekend nd him saying if it were you, i'd drop you like a cold bag of sick, I am scared to tell him.I want to keep it but I really love my boyfriend and I know he wont want to know and will think i am trapping him. Any feedback on the situation would be much apprechiated.x


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## Becky

Only you know what the right decision is but its better to tell him sooner rather than later, He may react completely different to how you expect. 

Good luck and I hope all goes well x


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## lilmissj

thankyou hun, ii am really wanting to keep it, one of my friends is a midwife and she is sayin that if he doesnt stick by me then he aint worth it so i supose i gotta keep that in mind.x


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## Lilicat

To be honest your boyfriend doesn't sound like a nice guy and I am sure you deserve better. Babies are created by two people and are the potential result of a sexual relationship no matter how careful both parties are. Personally I think that unless as a person chooses to take a perminent solution to being able to concieve (i.e surgical options) they should go in to a sexual relationship with a knowledge of the possible consequences and be prepared to take responsibility if it does happen. 

I think before you make a decision you should get some support for yourself, as well as family and friends your doctor can refer you to places who can give you some counselling about your options and help you whatever you choose. He doesn't sound like the sort of man who will be much support for you and may push you in to making a decision that is best for him rather than best for you both. 

Good luck with your decision what ever it is, remember this is something you need to be at peace with so don't let anyone choose for you. I am around if you would like to talk. :hugs:


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## lilyd

I agree with Lilicat. You haven't trapped him, you were in a consensual sexual relationship and with that comes the knowledge that contraception sometimes fails. He may well react differently when you tell him, but ultimately the decision is down to you. Good luck, hope things turn out as you want them to.


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## lilmissj

just got off the phone with him and he said to me that he wouldnt want anything to do with me if i was pregnant, he is too young to be getting tied down and he thinks abortion is the answer to evrything. I still havent told him yet and I know he will finish withme if I tel him i am keeping it.x


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## jelix9408

sorry your going through this hun ... but i really dont understand guys sometimes. 
if he is "to young" to have kids .. then he is to young to be having sex. 
everyone knows it can happen ifthere having sex... and most guys dont take up the responsiblity of there own actions.
you arent tying him down .. you didnt make yourself pregnant. 
if he thinks abortion is the answer he shouldnt be having sex. 
he needs to grow up and take responsibilitys for his actions. 
if he drops you because your pregnant with HIS child....
then he is a coward. 
not meaning to offend you or anything but you really have to stand up for youself and the situation .. you didnt do this alone. 
but only you can truly make the desicion on what you want to do. 
dont let him force you into a choice you will regret for the rest of your life. 

hope everything works out for you hun and you make the choice thats right for you. 
stay strong and dont let him walk all over you. 
if you decide to keep the baby and he "drops" you .. he wasnt really worth it anyways.
he doesnt deserve you!


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## shocker

My boyfriend and i hadnt talked about it but when i told him i was pregnant he told me to get an abortion and ran for the hills.Unfortunatly there are guys out there who do this.If you want to keep the baby you do it and dont worry because you will find support in other places my family and friends have been amazing and im sure yours will too.Either way look at all your options and give him a chance, he thinks this because he doesnt realise hes in that situation he may change his mind.If not then your better off without him, you do whats best for you and know that whatever you decide has pros and cons and you need to think long and hard.Hope your ok :hugs:


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## lilmissj

Thankyou huni,I am gonna tell him 2nite I think and if he runs then it'll crush me but ur rite he aint worth it if he runs.x


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## amyw044

ur boyfriend sounds so much like mine did. i was 17 and he was 19 when i fell pregnant. we wernt careful so it was obvoiusly goin 2 happen. he wanted me 2 have an abortion but i refused and we split up. less then a week later he came back realising whether he was with me or not he would have a child. he has now completly changed and we are having are second child, which was planned. hopefully ur fella will have a change of heartn and a child is not the end of your life xxxxx


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## lilmissj

on the fone to him last nite I was tryin to see if his feelings would have changed towards my friend if she had told her bf, and that she did tel him and he didnt want nothing to do with her. My fella said to me good on him too right, she is tryin to trap him and make him settle down too young, abortion is the best thing and that she should have learnt about contraception works, he said her fella obv doesnt love her if he is prepared to just walk away and how can she bring a baby up without a father which in his opinion is wrong.If i tell him tonight i am going to have to prepare myself for him walking and calling me all the names under the sun, his family and friends also hating me and judging me for keeping it. Although I love him and I could have seen myself being with him for the rest of my life he said that if i fell pregnant its not the right time and later on in life things might be different, if its got a heartbeat and its not just a few cells then it is a living thing and if he is prepared to walk away from his girlfriend and his own baby and push us to the back of his mind then he obv isnt the one and I don't honestly know what kind of a guy he is to do something like that. If i lose him it will hurt for a while but i will find sum1 else i am young and have alot to offer. I just hope it turns out for me like it has done with your fella and you, thanks you have given me some hope xx


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## KrisKitten

when me and my boyfriend had talked about what we would do if i ever got pregnant i have always said id never be able to have an abortion so id have to keep it and his responses were that id have to just 'have an accident' or something to get rid of it (hes a completely non violent person, this was obviously a joke but the jist was that he would want nothing to do with it) and even when we first suspected i might be he stuck to the idea that we were kinda screwed and he didnt want to have to do it. Phrases like running away to germany and ditching me for a skinny chick were used lol. Even though it was reallyeggsagerated and obv a joke he was being completely serious in saying that he couldnt stick around in that situation. 
But then when we did find out for sure it was me that was havin all the awful thoughts about making it all go away and wishing id found out erlier to terminate (even though i changed my mind about that quickly) and he suddenly became Mr Supportive. 
Basically it turns out they can suprise even themselves when put in the situation, hes still behaving annoyingly immaturely and is freaking out at times as to whether he can cope and stuff but when it comes down to it, hes still here. 
Have a little faith and bite the bullet i'de say. And if worst comes to worst and you do lose him at least youll have a beautiful little baby who will really deserve your love as opposed to a guy who obviously wasnt worth the effort.
Hope that helped =]


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## KrisKitten

also people might say what they like while your pregnant but when your baby is born and theres this sweet little person in the world watch how quickly everyone changes their tune. How anyone could look at a little baby and maintain that you should of killed him/her before they even got a chance to live is completely beyond me and if they manage that then **** 'em. It won't matter what anyone thinks in 9 months time


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## lilmissj

Told him and he said its him or the baby. i am gona ruin his life and his mum is sayin abortion isnt bad i think it is and although i said rite ok i will have an abortion i cant i have been thinkin about it, i said it ecause i was scared he was gona leave me but isnt it worth a try to have a family? xx


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## Aaisrie

He is SO not worth it. Trust me. You will regret losing the baby more than him. He is the one who will lose out - he will lose you AND he won't see his beautiful baby growing up. Don't risk the baby over a guy, he sounds like a total loser. If he loved you and if you meant that much to him then he wouldn't tell you to do something you weren't comfortable with. Let him run, as others have said, you will find support in your own family. There will be someone there for you.


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## amyw044

do what you want to do not what he wants you to do. i have a friend who had an abortion because her boyfriend made her pick and its the biggest mistake shes ever made. if hes not even gunna try then maybe hes just not worth it xx


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## neady

its not about anyone else but ur self. its u that has to carry around that regret for the rest of ur life. and trust me it isnt easy. i very unwillingly got rid of a child wen i was 16 i was onli 7weeks but still to this day i sit and think wot if, question its looks, wether it was a boy or a girl. i would do anythin to change that hole year in my life. that was nearli 3year ago and only this year i was diagnosed with depression and after counsellin sesions they realised the main cause of it was gettin rid of the baby. 
and if it wasnt for my partner now i dont think i could hve ever gotten through and tried to get over and delete that part of my life
men are strange and dont think like us women. he may seem all hostile and demandin nw but over time he may start to get used to the idea, well he will have to as its his child aswel. wether he sticks by u or not its still his baby no matter how he tries to get out of it. 9months is a long time and he may just get used to the idea and actually step up to the mark.
all i can say is go with wot u want not want anyone else wants around you. x


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## lilmissj

well this morning after a bad nights sleep, i got up and did my hair, then said u kno wat, i think u should know what i am thinking, i think you are gona have a baby whether or not your with me if i keep it and thats it, he has gone on and on about how he thinks i have no respect for him and his opinion should count, he said he loves me and i am the best thing that has ever happend 2 him but if i keep it he is gona run off and join the army, he said he wont wana kno me because he will always think of me as the girl who ruined his life. However if i get rid of it then he has said to me that he will stick with me and things will be like they were before, he said he sees a future between us. So wen i asked the question well you cant obv love me if you are thinkin of leavin ur pregnant girlfriend his answer was coz i dont want kids til i am at least 30 and he said he might want to get married sometime in the future. he promises he wont leave me if i have an abortion but tbh how can i be so sure of that anyways? argh god y do i take this shit from guys my head is all over the place right now? will i find someone else or do you think if i let my fella get away now then i could have ruined my chances for good? x


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## KrisKitten

honestly he sounds obv scared, and maybe he didnt think he would be ready to have kids till he was older but you ask most people and tbh age is only a number. This whole being older and more able to handle it shiz is actually crap coz no matter wat point u r i ur life having a kid is a major major thing. Whats 10 years? There are so many people in the world i really odubt you will have ruined ur chances forever if you split up, and if this is how he's gonna be now who's to actually say that with the passing of a magical few years all of a sudden hell think differently and youll have a wonderful little family.
Also everyone has pointed out that youll have to live with yourself if you do something that you think is wrong, but you will also have to live with the knowledge that he made you do it, can you really look at him in the same way anymore? 
What if you do stay together and have kids in the future, your still gonna have to deal with the death of your first child and stuff like that can really screw with your head if ur in anyway hesitant of doing it. 
When you feel your baby moving around inside you, and you eventually meet him/her i dont think you'll have any question of whether leaving him was best or not. 

Saying all of that though it is your decision and if you decide that abortion is best FOR YOU then i am pro choice and you should do what you think is best. But under no circumstances do it if you have any doubt in your mind that its right, coz its something youll have to live with forever.
xx


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## lilmissj

your right, its just i dont think i can get rid of it i mean i love my fella 2 bits and everything but he is sayin its him or the baby, he shouldnt make me pick, he was tlkin about marriage and stuff yesterday 2day i have brought it up and he shuts me up with the idea, he was contemplatin suicide this mornin and then said its suicide or the army, i cannot have a kid now. i have been in tears practically all day, he says he wont leave me once i have had the abortion( dnt think i am doing) but whoz to say 2 weeks dwn the line he thinks i could end up in this situation with her again and have 2 persuade her again and get rid of me? am i crazy thinking this stuff coz at times i think i let myself overwork things in my head? or is it clear for every1 to see?x


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## shocker

I cant believe hes behaving this way, its really unfair of him to put you through this. If you let him push you into an abortion then you may very well end up resenting him.Its obvious he isnt ready but no-one is! Theres no way to be ready 100% If this happens again what will ye do? Telling you hes contemplating suicide is just insane, he should not be putting that kind of stress on you its cruel.You look after YOURSELF and decide what YOU want to do and when you have decided you tell him.It may be that in a few months time he finds himself wondering about his child and feels terrible for all this.Hes behaving like a spoiled child right now and you need to look after yourself first and deal with him later.So sorry your having a tough time hun and hope your ok :hugs:


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## Pink_Tinks

hey just had a read of whats goin on

Dont wanna sound patronising or unsupportive, but what the hell. Okay, i understand it would be hard on your own / without the dads support, but you should NEVER have an abortion bcoz the bloke tells u 2. if you want to keep the baby, then keep it. at the end of the day, the baby has done nothing wrong at all, it is there because of 1 mistake, but why should u end its life when its not its fault? 

obviously i have rather strong views on this!!
i was scared shitless telling my OH, we had just brought a brand new house and i thought, yep, we're fucked. he didnt actually believe it till the 12 week scan, and now he is the most proud dad to be ever, and its great. we are gunna be young parents, but what does that matter as long as we can support our baby?

If u wanna chat, PM me. x


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## kimbobaloobob

this is your body. Tbh he sounds like a jerk who dosent deserve you. Deep down i think you want this baby but want to be loved aswell. And he had got no right putting you in this position. If i was you i Would give him the ulitmatum and say it me AND the baby or nothing and see how he like being told to make a life changing choise like that under pressure. like i said this is your body and you choice no one can make it for you, have you spoke to anyone else about this, a friend or you parents?? i think you would benefit from someone to talk to at the moment besides him so you can voice your opinion and thoughts proply with put haveing some one there saying the opposite. 
xx


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## lilmissj

i honestly am so scared right now. Yesterday i went to alton towers with his friends and him and we were just chattin away, his best friends sister was reli suportive wen i decided to confide in her coz she is like one of the most genuine nice people ever and kinda the same age, she has known my fella for ages since he was like 15 so thats quite a few years and she said that she cant believe he'd react like that and how immature he is, yesterday he was reli off and on with me and then afterwards when we went for a meal out the convo turned onto children and he gave me a right look, i didnt bring it up and the girl i was tlkin 2 about it could see it was deeply upsetin me. in the car on the way home he was tlkin to me and because we were talkin bout gettin our own house b4 all this started basically i said you know i think its a little bit easier to get a mortgage wen you are in a commited relationship coz they know your serious and he started goin on callin me a cling on!!! i reli wanted to say to him if you see a furture between us then surely whether we have a kid now or 9 years down the line it wont make that much of a difference coz eventually we r gona have them so now would be a gd time, there are people who can help financially and my family and friends will help me with babysittin and stuff so it wuld b ok. i think evry1 that went out with us yesterday if they knew how he was reacting to this whole situation then they would lose respect for him and have a bad opinion of him.x


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## lilmissj

it isnt like i think abortion is right, i am really worried atm and its just an option he is basically sayin if i wana keep him then i have to get rid of the baby, which i think is really unfair, his best friends sister agrees with me that is unfair and she said to me that she thinks if we ever finished it would really break his heart but in the situation i am in atm, if she was in it she would probably pick the child over her fella. i think its unfair how everyone else i know who is in relationships wouldnt have their relationships jepodised by sumthin like this, ok it mite come as a bit of a shock to them but like they would b there, if he respected my descision he would help me and support me, but then i tried sayin that and he said it goes both ways if u repected my descision you would get rid and carry on with things as normal. I am scared of losin him but this will b my first born and can i really live with it on my conscience if i get rid? i dnt think i would b able 2.x


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## amazed

My friend once told me a men come in and out your life but babies dont... its totally up to you hun i would definalty sit him down and talk to him he may not be to bad faced with reality kinda thing xx


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## lilmissj

i think i can try that but i know he will walk, a few people think he is quite immature and my dad said even if i did get rid of it 2 weeks dwn the line he will think this situation culd happen again and at the end on the day i will end up on my own anyways coz he will walk, yesterday i mentioned engagement and he was goin omg clingy which i wasnt tryin to be if that is how it sounds but it did tie in with the whole getin a mortgage and it possibly being easier to get on if you are in a comitted relationship or situation. wen i said yesterday that either way if ur with me or without me if i keep it then you'll have a kid in thsi world and he hit the roof and was sayin how unfair i was being.yesterday opened my eyes that other people obv dont kno him aswell as they thought they did and that he does genuinly love me but even then things are goin wrong in the relationship coz i trusted he could be grown up about the situation and that he would help me through it, but he isnt being. he wont tel his mum that i want to keep it coz he stil thinks i wil get rid of it if i love him enough. i am reli :S right now with the next step but i think that the its me and the baby or nothing is worth a go.x


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## lilmissj

what can i say tho as a reality thing? i understand that guys come and go and that a baby is for life but i dnt think that will convince him, i think he is afraid of commitment. x


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## shelx

im so sorry that your goin through this. if he doesnt support you in this pregnancy is he ever goin to?? ask him that! you have to think of one person in this atm and that is yourself, put him to the back of your mind and try and imagine life and a new baby, without him. do you really need him? in no relationship should you be called a 'cling on' ...a relationship is 2 people i honestly cant believe he is behaving this way. try and have a long talk with him and have a good long think hun. and plz dont think im being critical in some of the things ive said. just please make the right decision, one that your comfortable with. good luck xx


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## sambam

i would never in a million years have stayed with my boyf if he said he would ditch me if i fell pregnant !... in a relationship you are supposed to be there for each other no matter what, for support and love !
i hope everything works out for you doll !.. and your friend is right, he is not worth it if he doesnt stick around xx


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## lilmissj

i will try and have another talk to him when i next see him which is 2moro. mum has just been havin a long talk with me and she has said he is a coward and too immature to bring up a baby if he thinks that abortion is the onli option in this situation and is trying to make me feel bad and force me into descisions i dont want to make. i will keep you updated on the situation 2moro after the convo. x


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## lilmissj

he probably wont ever face up to the fact that i want to keep this baby and no matter how hard it is to tell him i want to keep it i know he will walk, i tried 2 make sure i was ready for him to walk out on friday when i told him but i stil think he is hopeful i am getting rid of it, tomorrow i will chat with him and if he says he will walk then no matter how hard its gona b i will find sum1 else and he cant be the right one if he is prepared to just walk away.x


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## soozys1902

My opinion, if it was my other half saying this to me, id say tough S**T and that it takes two to tango and that if he cant take responsility for his actions, then he can walk out that door anytime.

It not your babie's fault.

Like everyone said.... hes a coward. Sounds to me that you want to keep this baby. You may get an abortion but what will happen afterwards, you may end up resenting him knowing that you lost a baby for him. 

I say do what you heart tells you, sounds to me that your family are very level headed and they will be there for you to help, believe me this time 7 months ago i didnt expect to be pregnant and my family are wonderful, knowing you have a little baby all of your own is a wonderful feeling.

i hope all works out but please dont let him make you do something you dont want to do,,,,, im not anti-abortion or anything but it is a little life at the end of the day and its not the babies fault.

He may not love you forever but that little baby will love you for life


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## lilmissj

i keep thinking that he will walk but then everytime he does something which makes me feel like i can't lose him and its really hard. i dnt wana give up this baby i dont want it on my conscience i have given up a child coz he wanted me 2, its not fair on the baby.x


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## Raspberries

Hey hun, sorry to hear about your situation :hugs:
But basically your OH is blackmailing you by saying if you loved him, you'd kill your baby. He is not the ONE for you, there will be another guy who'll come along, love you for you and love your child like it's his own. If you got rid of your baby just for your OH, you'll always regret it and maybe suffer problems eg depression from the stress and regret. To have an abortion, it must be 100% your decision, and you don't want that, so don't do it.
Your OH saying you're being unfair cos not regarding his opinion is out of order. You should tell him that the baby is half his, and whether or not he cares, you're keeping it. Your opinion counts just as much, if not a hell of a lot more than his does. And he can choose whether he wants to support you or be in the baby's life or not, but at the end of the day, he's not forcing you into a decision you don't want.

I hope things work out for you, it sounds like you've got alot of support without your OH anyway, so you can rely on them to get you through :)


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## lilmissj

i am hoping that he will come to his senses and will realize how lucky he is and that i need him in my life and so will this baby, if not then its his loss, no matter how much it hurts to lose him in the end i have to do wats right for me and this baby.x


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## mich22

In a mature healthy relationship this should be a joint decision. 
I do feel that he has a right to not be ready for kids.
It seems as though you are trying to figure out weather your desision will affect him leaving you or not rather thas what is best for you both in your current situation.
He should stick by you if you keep the baby and except the possible consequences of sex however you should hear him out and consider the fact that he doesn't want children yet.
It is a very big lfe changer havin kids and you should both be sympathetic to each others feelings on the situation.
Try to comunicate and understand why he is feeling this way.
I am pro choice and you really will have many years ahead of you for baby making if you decide to abort.
Good luck with your decision and I hope he sticks by you either way
xx


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## danniemum2be

no matter how hard it is, if he still wont accept this baby then walk away and show him what hes losing, no matter how hard it is to let him go,it would be to times harder to let your baby go x x


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## lilyd

He seems to have missed out understanding that it takes 2 people to make a baby. You haven't trapped him or ruined his life, you have had a sexual realtionship that has created a baby. You could not have done it by yourself!!

Also, if he expects you to respect his views and choice, why does he feel that he does not have to do the same for you? Sorry to sound harsh, but when he says that you have a future, it is conditional on the fact that you do what he wants -this to me is blackmail.

Whether he chooses to remain part of your life or not, he will be legally responsible for his child and cannot run away forever. I hope if you feel that you still want to be with him then he manages to grow up and support you and his child.

Good luck


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## nov_mum

The decision to raise a child shouldn't be made on whether there will be another man around if your current boyfriend ditches you. This is a human life and a huge decision to make to raise it with all the love, safety and opportunities it deserves. The boyfriend sounds like a loser regardless of there being a baby or not. Anyone feels emotionally old enough to have sex should have factored in unplanned parenthood. If they haven't factored this in and taken adequate precautions then they are not ready to have sex. 

You need to decide if you have what it takes to raise this child on your own. He will not be there to help, it is evident. What a winner telling you he will 'run away to the army'. The army would tell him he is a sad sack of sh!t for walking away from responsibilities anyway. Talk to an adult about this and figure out how you feel regardless of the idiot sperm donor.


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## Rhiana79

If this was me (I'm a little older than you and certainly not suggesting you do this, it's your decision) then I'd stop putting the power in his hands and walk away. 

Even if it was for a few weeks, just to get my head around the idea, make my decision without any influences, or emotional blackmail.

I'm sorry you're going through this hun xx


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## mommabee

He should hit the road, because he's obviously not good enough to be a father. if you still want to raise a child even with him being cruel, it shows that you have some serious courage. So do what YOU want... your life & existence isn't about him, so don't make decisions to satisfy him. You know? Just do your thing


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## LittleAurora

ok....

I have just read your thread, and I have been unsure about adding a comment.

But I have to say something.....

This is all easier said than done....but that boy is no good. If he wants a relationship with you why doesn't he want all of you? that includes that lovely little baby that is growing inside you.

NO ONE ever should ever force you into an abortion. THIS MUST BE YOUR CHOICE. you decided to have sex like a big girl, and you have to deal with the consequences. And if that means dumping that sorry waste of boy then so be it.bite the bullet. 

But if you feel you want to get rid of the baby...you MUST do it for you.

Do you have your parents support? have you been to a Dr? How old are you?

Remember no one here is judging you. We all sympathies with your situation. But sometimes its easier for people on the outside looking in can see what you cant, because you are so emotionally involved.

We are here for you. feel free to pm if you need any help.


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## lilmissj

he wont stick by me and i think he is just saying all this stuff to keep me sweet so that i will do wat he wants and then get rid of me 2 weeks down the line, he has said some sweet things but tbh after the fone call the other nite some of the things he said were unforgivable like i have to prove how much i love him by having an abortion, which is totatally wrong, i just really need 2 sit down and think can i live without him atm and can i live with geting rid of our baby?x


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## lilmissj

i really dont want to get rid of this baby and one way or another at the end of the day if he cant face facts then its gona b hard but i cant resent him for the reest of my life for makin me kill my child.your words arent harsh they are a reality.x


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## lilmissj

i am 19, he is 21. yh my parents are suportin me and so are all my friends. i have got a midwife who is friends with the family who i have been askin for advice and options i could take and i have an apointment on monday. i dont wana lose him but killin a baby isnt right, if its got a heartbeat its a living thing no matter how small. x


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## soozys1902

Im sorry but it isnt about him, its about your baby. The baby had no choice to be conceived, you both chose it by having sex. You odviously want this baby, dont let him blackmail you, please. He obviosly doesnt care about the baby and wont change his mind. Some of the things he is saying to you seriuosly suggests he doenst care for you anyway and that hes just using you. You may as well get something good outta a bad situation, your baby will love you for life and youll never have to prove yourself to the baby.


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## tasha41

Hi hun. You never know, he could come around. I don't think very man 21 year old mans particularly want to start talking about babies or pregnancy etc but until you tell him that you are pregnant and it's now a fact in his life, you won't know his reaction. I really hope it all works out for you- if you guys split, it will be hard but I think you sound like you have the strength and support to do this on your own :)


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## LovingYou

Honestly, I think you deserve so much better than him. 
If you do decide to get an abortion, its going to stick with you for the rest of your life, and you will think about it all the time. You might get depressed. 

Theres a saying - Women love their baby when they feel it inside, Men love their baby when they see it.

You never know, he might come back one day and realize what a jerk he was about the situation.

My boyfriend and i talked about what would happen if i got pregnant. For a while all he said was abortion abortion abortion, its me or the baby.
Then we had a "scare" and thought i was pregnant and all he kept telling me was that he would be there for me through it all, and support me through everything.

This beautiful baby inside of you was created by the two of you, not just you alone. If he doesn't realize that then he needs to leave. Show him the door and tell him to get out. I know you love him, but how can you love someone who doesn't love your whole package. The baby is part of you now. 

I think you will find someone who loves you for you, including your baby. You have so many supporting, loving people around you, like your family. 

Do what your heart thinks is right. I know that deep inside, you do not want to have an abortion, your just considering it because of your boyfriend. Its something you have to be sure of 100% before you do it.

Don't let anyone influence you into doing something that you don't want to.

Good luck! pm me if you would like to talk.


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## Jadelm

I agree with everyone here, that boy is a loser and is totally just trying to keep you sweet with the whole 'if you get rid of the baby then we have a future'. And even if that did happen then you will resent him, and if you ever decided to have children you would always think about the one you let go. 

Keeping the baby could go one of two ways:
* he realises when he sees your bump/his little baby that it is part of him, he has been a jerk and that unconditional love will kick in. 
* he is a complete d!ck and wants nothing to do with it - is that really so bad? If you had a son would you want him to grow up thinking and acting like this guy has done? He can run from you but he can't run from the fact he helped make a baby, and the legal obligations of that.

I think you know you're not going to have an abortion because you keep saying how much you don't want to get rid of your baby, so you just need to bite the bullet and give your fella the choice: me AND our baby or NOTHING. You sound like you've got a great support system around you and think how it'll be in 8 months time with your little baby in your arms and your friends and family around you.. it will be the happiest time of your life and you won't even remember all this badness!!

xxxxxxx


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## lilmissj

Today went to the doctors to have a chat with the midwife and there was also a student midwife in the room, after what i thought was me being 4 weeks turned out to be 7-8 weeks! came as a lil bit more of a shock but it kinda means i am further through the woods than i thought i was which is good. Still with my fella atm, dnt wana lose him he is bein all nice and tlkin about the future which is makin things harder. Dnt kno how he is gona take me being futher along than we both knew but oh well if he runs i've kinda come to terms with that its his loss .xxx


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## Aaisrie

It IS his loss. You are being so strong. Guys come and go, my OH nearly freaked a lot of times during my pregnancy (and it was planned!) because he thought he couldn't handle it, that it would tie him down etc etc. He might come back, he might not. If you have an abortion, you can NEVER bring it back.


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## lilmissj

I am keeping the baby with or without him, it will hurt but its gota b done. I am just scared that sumthing mite g wrong with the pregnancy i have blood tests and a scan coming up in the next couple of weeks and i am absolutly brickin it xxx


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## TattiesMum

Hi J :D

Can a 'nearly grandma' offer some advice from her own life experiences?

First of all ... NO-ONE (and I really do mean no-one at all) can promise what will happen in the future, whether that is in terms of a relationship or anything else. So - your boyfriend promising eternal love and devotion in return for you having an abortion is just emotional blackmail and a load of b*llsh*t. Sorry to be so blunt Hon - but I'm an old(ish) lady and I know nasty, self serving, manipulative behaviour when I see it.

Secondly I'm going to say to you exactly what I say to my own pregnant teen daughter (who's having man troubles too) .... This is YOUR baby - yours and your family's precious little one. Having a baby is hard work, a huge (lifetime) responsibility and very, very time consuming.... believe me it is actually easier to cope with a small baby without having to worry about a
man/boy throwing tantrums, wanting his mates to come round, spending all his time out with his mates, creating washing/cleaning, wanting meals cooked, wanting to buy Xboxes/Playstations/DVDs with the housekeeping money, arguing about stupid stuff and just generally being - well - a bloke LOL

Sure there are good men out there - but yours (like my Tattie's) has already shown his true colours, and believe me you are better off telling him to sling his hook and waiting for a good one to come along.... Which he absolutely will !!

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## lilmissj

Today has been the worst day ever his mum has emailed me with more links for the abortion clinics and said its all my fault and that if her son walks well she is ok with it but she wants access! I mean after sayin all that to me do i really want my child around sum1 who is gona be like that? mum nd dad are bein reli suportive and i have told a few more people i am pregnant i just hope that its perfectly healthy and the pregnancy goes well. my OH isnt shiftin his opinion still so the reality is he will be gone soon by the looks of it.xxx


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## Mocha

My dear, this is a crappy situation, but we're all here for you. Your boyfriend is a douche. Surely he knew you were on antibiotics - but he didn't know either that it was an issue just like you didn't, so how can he blame it all on you? Both of you chose to have sex and even if you wear a condom, take the pill, use spermicide, and everything else you can STILL GET PREGNANT - this is a risk and your boyfriend chose to take it as well.

Secondly, just keep his mother entirely out of it. It is NONE of her business. If she continues sending you info on abortion and the like, tell her it is your decision and you will be blocking contact if you have to. Legally she has no rights whatsoever. And if she is fine with her son walking out on you entirely then she certainly isn't entitled to any visitations. If you don't feel she is a good person for your child to be around, then quite simply it's your decision not to allow it.

Stick with the people who are supportive of you and focus on that, along with having a healthy pregnancy. Stay away from the stress as much as possible and focus on the positive.


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## kit603

lilmissj said:


> Today has been the worst day ever his mum has emailed me with more links for the abortion clinics and said its all my fault and that if her son walks well she is ok with it but she wants access! I mean after sayin all that to me do i really want my child around sum1 who is gona be like that? mum nd dad are bein reli suportive and i have told a few more people i am pregnant i just hope that its perfectly healthy and the pregnancy goes well. my OH isnt shiftin his opinion still so the reality is he will be gone soon by the looks of it.xxx

I just can't believe that his mum has decided to send you more information about abortion AND ask for access to see the baby, if you do have it, in the same email! It sounds like the entire family needs to get their heads straight to me!

Personally, it sounds to me like you're making the right choice by not having an abortion. I'm pro-choice on the subject, but I couldn't ever have an abortion myself because I think i'd feel guilty for the rest of my life and from what you've said it sounds like you would regret it too. Like other people have said, it does take two to tango and he should really stand up to his responsibilities instead of trying to make it all go away - PLEASE do not have an abortion for him. If it's what you decide, then so be it but DON'T do it for him because he's not worth it and to be honest, I can't see him staying with you long enough to get married etc if this is what he's like. 

Good luck hun x


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## myasmumma

only you can make that decision but bare in mind you may bring the child up alone, it sounds harsh (its not meant too) but he has the choice just as much as you and you having the baby may lead him to resent it. but on the other hand getting rid when you know for sure you want to keep it will ruin you for years to come. i hope you sort things out good luck xx


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## TattiesMum

lilmissj said:


> Today has been the worst day ever his mum has emailed me with more links for the abortion clinics and said its all my fault and that if her son walks well she is ok with it but she wants access! I mean after sayin all that to me do i really want my child around sum1 who is gona be like that? mum nd dad are bein reli suportive and i have told a few more people i am pregnant i just hope that its perfectly healthy and the pregnancy goes well. my OH isnt shiftin his opinion still so the reality is he will be gone soon by the looks of it.xxx

Yep - Tattie is getting the abusive emails from her bf's mum too .... and nasty messages left on Facebook :shrug:

Frankly I can't help but wonder exactly what these sad middle aged women think they are playing at LOL .... leaving bullying messages to vulnerable teenagers is something that they surely should have grown out of about.... um... 25-30 years ago????:nope:

Just ignore them, delete without reading, don't respond - if they can't act like adults then you and Tattie will have to show them what mature behaviour looks like! :hugs:

As for you 'ruining his life'... ummmm HOW exactly? Have you chopped his b*lls off or removed his legs below the knees, or disfigured him somehow so that he will always have to wear a bag over his head from now on? Have they changed the law so that 21 year old blokes with a child aren't allowed to work or travel or something? 

Don't worry about access either - grandparents have no legal rights to see or contact their grandchildren here in the UK, so it is entirely up to you to decide :)


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## lilmissj

lol thanks huni! His dad still doesnt know that my OH has a pregnant girlfriend and that he is wantin 2 walk away. His best m8 heard my OH say he doesnt wana stay with me if i keep the baby which i think kinda shocked him aswell, as every1 thought he was a decent mature guy, well the situation he is putting me in shows that isnt really the case.I mean another thing that makes me think he is really immature is when he said in the car I'd hate you because at the end of the day your choosin the baby over me. All my family have started telling the relatives that i am pregnant and i have become like a huge bit of gossip, not exactly what i wanted. I am just stressing about losing him, I mean we have been talking about engagement and stuff and now I don't think thats gonna happen but i can't really do anything to stop him from walking. I have a scan 2moro to check everything is ok and i have some blood tests the week after.Just hoping atm things are ok then i can deal with all the other problems.xxx


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## Aaisrie

LOL that is freaking hilarious - you are choosing the baby over him?! WTF! HE is choosing to KILL the baby over any feelings you might have. I TOTALLY agree with Tattiesmum that both him and his (crazy!) immature mother need to go stick their heads in someone elses sandbox. His mum is being unbelievably immature!! And you ruining HIS life... how would YOUR life be having killed your baby? Did you CHOOSE to have to make this life-changing decision.. no, HE took part and yet I see NO support on either his or his mothers side. It's great your family are being supportive, rely on them and remember when your little baba grows up and asks where's daddy you can tell them how mummy loved you so much that she wanted to keep you and if daddy ever does show his face I would love to see him try and explain "I wanted to kill you" to his kid. There are better men out there, I know that sounds cliché, but there really are. My ex was abusive, I walked (after a long time!) even though we were TRYING for a kid together, I never got pregnant (which I'm glad of now) and I found a better man, a MUCH better man even though I believed I would be alone forever.
You are such a caring and compassionate person that you need someone who is better than that scumbag to look after and love you. Trust me.


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## lilmissj

Went for the scan yesterday as I had had some spotting and also some tummy pains but she said baby is perfectly healthy for the size and age of its development and the tummy pains is because the insides are streatching but nothing to worry about and i have 2 more appointments booked for the next couple of weeks. I will say to the baby when its born that yh I wanted to have the baby coz i love it v v much but the father couldnt face up to having reaspomsabilities and that he ran away because he was a coward and was very immature, which is best for the baby (because he wouldnt b any good with the baby anyways, the way he treats me at times is bad enough). Yeasterday when i went to the scan and saw the baby and the heartbeat it was like the happiest moment ever to know it was ok and safe and that it was mine! At the end of the day his mum nd dad and him if they dn't wish to be involved then i am better off without them.x


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## Aaisrie

You've hit the nail on the head with that! You are starting to sound more and more mature and mother-like every post you make. I'm glad the spotting and pains weren't anything sinister and that you got to see the heartbeat. You are doing this, and that shows your strength. Your so-called boyfriend is an ass if he can't see what an amazing, strong woman you are and he is so not worth it. You are worth so much more than him. Your little bean is lucky to have you as it's mama.


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## lilmissj

Lol thanks hun! mum and dad have come to terms with the idea fully and have said they will help me get on my own to feet with a house and what have yu wen the baby is born. My friends from round where i live are being reli supposrtive aswell all of them want first dibs on godparent tho lol xxx


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## Aaisrie

Bless, it sounds like you have more help than a lot of people!! Learn to use it, you will need it - especially the first few weeks... it's hard work. Once you have about 3 weeks under your belt you will be flying through it! And on top of that you have all us lot here to talk to if you need to. Enjoy your pregnancy, it's the easy part! Just think, when your bf is 40 how will he feel about all this - shit, he will probably regret it and feel like an idiot. He will get what's coming to him!! All you have to worry about is yourself and your little bundle of fun. Trust me - it's easier without another "child" running around!! Sometimes I wonder if my OH is a man (he's 27!) or another child for me to look after!! :D


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## lilmissj

Lol! I bet he is supportin u tho aint he? do u find it hard looking after a baby? I am really scared about giving birth and all that it looks reli painful and i have heard stories aswell nd it frightens me. xxx


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## Aaisrie

Actually I had a great labour!! I had a water birth and it was amazing, I think labour was easier than pregnancy, but then I had a hard pregnancy!! Everyone is different!!

Yea my OH is great now but he wasn't when I was preg, he just didn't get it because he couldnt see the baby it wasn't real to him. I have found a lot of men feel like that. We are now trying for #2 and it's totally different now because he can see our DD and knows what it's like! In saying that if/when I do get pregnant that all might change lol.

It was hard for the first 3 weeks, now I don't even have to think about it. Although our DD was quite sick and spent some weeks in hospital now she is doing great. The only things that are difficult is popping out to the shops needs more organisation - you can't just run out with your phone and keys, you have to get her ready, make sure you have milk, spare milk, all the stuff in your change bag, make sure shes fed etc - military operation!! lol But you will be fine!!!


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## lilmissj

I hope so! I keep gettin worried about miscarrying and stuff which i hope doesnt happen but I am like being reli paranoid about it. Good luck in your trying for number 2!x


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## Aaisrie

Well worrying isn't good (I know it's hard not to!!) because the baby feels all your emotions and stuff. Just take each day at a time and take it easy.


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## KA92

sorry ive just read this thread

a baby feels everything? Mines just a little litlle un n going through alot 

ALthough im sure your boyfriend will regret not being there for you when your babys bron, my ex did that with his ex (not me)s baby who is now 6 months old and hes "aooarently" a very hands on father

Good luck with everything

xxx


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## KerryanneJ09

you go girl! if someones going to act as immature as he obviously is, then you and the baby are much better off without them. im sure you'll make a brilliant mummy!
good luck!
Kerry xo


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## lilmissj

Heya everyone its me again, I am still with my OH but i cant get the courage or strenght to tel him i reli love him nd want him but i want the baby aswell. I don't wana get hurt or cause more stress throught the pregnancy.He has started being alot nicer and his mum and dad have backed off but his opinion on the whole situation hasnt changed. I am so scared. Any one that can help please message back any help would be appreciated. many thanks jade xxx


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## kit603

Awww i'm sorry things are so difficult for you Jade, I thought you'd decided to leave him? 

I can't believe the way he's treated you since you found out you were pregnant. I hope you make the right decision soon hun x


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## kit603

Awww i'm sorry things are so difficult for you Jade, I thought you'd decided to leave him? 

I can't believe the way he's treated you since you found out you were pregnant. I hope you make the right decision soon hun x


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## lilmissj

I have decided that its the baby over him huni its just i havent got the strenght to leave him. its so hard. things have been a bit better over the past few days but even then there is nothing saying he isnt gona be funny again next time he is round at mine. argh why does life have 2 be so complicated?xxx


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## fantastica

Hey, firstly congrats on the pregnancy :) and secondly so sorry you are going through this with you OH. I was in quite a similar situation, my OH constantly tried to get me to have a termination, I went to the clinic, but just couldn't follow through with it. He kept on at me until we hit the 24week mark...where it was too late. And tbh, he wasn't very nice for most the pregnancy, he kept blaming me, saying i'd ruined his life etc. 

Tbh, it wasn't until our son was born that he came around...well he started to a bit before, but not properly. He made me feel guilty for wanting the baby, when really it should've been the other way around if anything! (this was after losing a baby the year before too!)

He ruined the pregnancy, and it's supposed to be such a lovely thing! It's great yo have your family around you, they care about you and your baby, so try and focus on that. Don't let him spoil this for you. Could you sit down with him and have a proper heart to hear? Although sure you've probably tried! 

At the end of the day, he may come around to the idea...he may not, but you will be okay either way! Just don't let him ruin this for you, I wish i'd enoyed my pregnancy more! 

Really hope things work out for you, if you want to chat or anything just pm me :)

Sorry didn't mean to hi-jack this!! Has turned out rather long! 

How is the pregnancy otherwise? xx


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## Char&Bump-x

lilmissj said:


> I have decided that its the baby over him huni its just i havent got the strenght to leave him. its so hard. things have been a bit better over the past few days but even then there is nothing saying he isnt gona be funny again next time he is round at mine. argh why does life have 2 be so complicated?xxx

Hiya hun. I have a bit of a different view on this...

If you've told him you are keeping the baby, and he is saying if you keep it he will leave, why hasnt he gone?

You're saying you cant find the strength to leave him, but shouldnt it be him that finishes it if thats how he feels. You still love him so why would you want to end it?

I seriously hope he gets his ass into gear, mans up and accepts the responsability of being a dad. It takes two to tango after all..

:hugs: xXx :hugs


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## lilmissj

the pregnancy has been ok tbh, i mean i am paranoid about every little twinge or thing but i think thats normal, although tbh i have been worried today because i ahve had a really bad upset tummy ( i know its probably to much info) and i have a scan tomorrow and i am scared something mite have caused a complication or something mite have gone wrong, i pray to god it hasnt. anyone else experienced this kinda problem whilst pregnant?xxx


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## lilmissj

i think its more to the fact he is hoping that i will have an abortion and i dnt wana, i feel like i am ending it coz he said its me chosing the baby over him and that i am the one who will be throwing our relationship away. I duno wat i can say to him to try and convince him that this baby could be a great thing any ideas? xxx


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## kit603

lilmissj said:


> the pregnancy has been ok tbh, i mean i am paranoid about every little twinge or thing but i think thats normal, although tbh i have been worried today because i ahve had a really bad upset tummy ( i know its probably to much info) and i have a scan tomorrow and i am scared something mite have caused a complication or something mite have gone wrong, i pray to god it hasnt. anyone else experienced this kinda problem whilst pregnant?xxx

Hun, I think that most women worry about things going wrong during pregnancy - you're not alone! :hugs:



lilmissj said:


> i think its more to the fact he is hoping that i will have an abortion and i dnt wana, i feel like i am ending it coz he said its me chosing the baby over him and that i am the one who will be throwing our relationship away. I duno wat i can say to him to try and convince him that this baby could be a great thing any ideas? xxx

I don't think you should have to convince him that you should keep the baby, he should 'man up' and accept his responsibilities. Like other people have said: it takes two to tango. Don't do anything you don't want to do. Do you really want to be with someone that will try to force you to do something against your will whether passively by guilt tripping you or not.


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## KrisKitten

jus popped into ur thread to see the overall story of things - well u no my opinions lol but ill say agen maybe things will change wen LO's here
loads of dads, young and old have trouble coming to terms with the idea of a baby being a part of them but when u see yourself in a little bub in can be hard to argue with.
My OH stuck it out with me when i was pregnant simply coz he wanted to be with me and he jus hoped hed feel somethin 4 bub when he was born - now he is a v v v proud daddy showing off Tommys picture to friends and bragging about his family on facebook.
He never rlly had any high interest in him when i was pregnant coz i dont think he rlly thought of him as a real baby, its easier for girls coz their growing inside you but i think some blokes can struggle.
Fingers crossed for you xxx


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## lilmissj

Thanks hun, i dnt think even wen baby is here that he will wana kno tho he said i am the person who will have ruined his life. so if thats the way he wants to play it and he walks out now, even tho its gona hurt, if he comes runnin back i will have 2 be strong and say no coz i wont b able 2 trust i can rely on him in the future.x


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## KrisKitten

u sound so smart =]
well done, just do whats best for you and bub and leave every1 else to sort themselvces out.
If he walks ur better off without him! xxxxx


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## Momma2Bee

Im seventeen, my baby was unplanned and my boyfriend and his parents told me to have an abortion, even before i told my parents. Just remember, theres more than just him and his family that can support you. You have your family, and friends and you can support your child perfectly fine without him. You dont need a man to bring a baby up. x


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## lilmissj

I think I am just scared coz i dnt wana get hurt plus for the fact my family are all very disappointed with me, although mum and dad have kinda come to terms with me having the baby and are being suportive even thought they aren't 100% keen on the idea. I am worryin alot atm aswell coz I am now like 11weeks and i am still getting like aches and pains in my tummy is that normal?xxx


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## KrisKitten

apparently it is, its ur uterus stretching or something. Did u get one of those pregnancy books from the NHS? Thats got loadsa stuff in it about wat to be and not to be worried about x


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## lilmissj

I did get a book but its so much to take in lol, with everythin goin on at home and with my oh its kinda not sinkin in and every slight thing is worryin me. thankyou for findin out for me hun xxx


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## KrisKitten

np
xxx


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## kit603

How are things going aside from the tummy pains hun?


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## KA92

hey just read this
Your better off without your boyfriend tbh my OH is 21 too and im just 17 and although he did have doubts at the start hes fine now..

your really brave so just wanted to say congrats and well done

oh and hug :)

xx


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## lilmissj

kit603 said:


> How are things going aside from the tummy pains hun?

things could be better with the OH but the baby is ok, went for my scan last thurs and i culd see in movin round and like kickin and it looked like it was wavin, the craving are drivin me mad but other than that yh things are ok. xxx


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## lilmissj

KA92 said:


> hey just read this
> Your better off without your boyfriend tbh my OH is 21 too and im just 17 and although he did have doubts at the start hes fine now..
> 
> your really brave so just wanted to say congrats and well done
> 
> oh and hug :)
> 
> xx

thanks hun, did urs threaten 2 run off or anything if u kept it? he has given me until monday to get rid of it or he says he will be joinin the raf and cuttin all contact with me and the baby.xxx


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## kit603

lilmissj said:


> kit603 said:
> 
> 
> How are things going aside from the tummy pains hun?
> 
> things could be better with the OH but the baby is ok, went for my scan last thurs and i culd see in movin round and like kickin and it looked like it was wavin, the craving are drivin me mad but other than that yh things are ok. xxxClick to expand...

Did you enjoy going for the scan and seeing your baby? :) Did he go with you or not? 



lilmissj said:


> thanks hun, did urs threaten 2 run off or anything if u kept it? he has given me until monday to get rid of it or he says he will be joinin the raf and cuttin all contact with me and the baby.xxx

That's ridiculous hun, don't let him force you into getting rid of the baby. If that's still his attitude then you should leave his sorry ass behind and move on because he's not worth it. A real man should step up and face the problems he creates... :nope:


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## Mummy.To.Be

Awwwh babe. Just like some other of the girls on here - I've been in this situation too. The FOB to my LO were together for just over 2 years, living
together and everything. I tried all I could to make him happy but nothing was ever good enough. Last September when we were still together he gave
me the ultimatum that your partner is giving you about keeping your LO or staying with him as it will ruin his life.
Stupidly, I had a termination at 7 weeks + 3 as he said he'd stick by me :cry: It was the most self heartbreaking thing I have ever done. The thing is,
whenever I got upset and depressed (which I still do until this very day) he told me to deal with it and became violent. Then in June this year he broke up with me anyway - so he never stuck by me. 3 weeks after he broke with me I found out I was pregnant again. I was 8 weeks then already. He had no interest in LO until the 20 week scan and said he wants to be a part of our growing LO's life but he hasn't had any contact since then which was nearly a month ago now.

Don't do anything you have any doubts about - it'll never go away if you do 
something you weren't entirely happy about. 

Best of luck babe, I hope my own experience helps in some way. 

:hugs:

x


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## EmmanBump

Hun, if hes threating stuff like that id say ...
LEAVE HIM!!! 
dont let him think tht ur weak, because your not, you sound like a very brave lady! 
He will be the one, that one day looks back and thinks what the F**K did i do?!?! 
whilst you will have a gorgeous baby!!


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