# Im Pregnant and My future sister-in-law cant get pregnant



## KRose0813

Hi all,
I am almost 4 months pregnant and I am having a real family issue. The last weekend I went to my fiances parents for a family dinner. My future brother and sister in law were 2 hours late. I come to find out that she was at home in tears and devistated at the thought of seeing me. Her and my brother in law have been trying for a few years to get pregnant and cant. I understand how hard it is for them. I really do. I feel horrible. In some way though It made me feel so uncomfortable that I was there. That some how i am rubbing it in her face by even being there. It really hurts me too because we dont discuss the baby if they are around. They as no questions about the baby and it makes me feel in someway they are taking away the happiness everyone should feel about this. I cant put myself in there shoes. And I dont want to in anyway rub it in there faces. I just wish they could be excited for me and show it in someway. I dont know what to do about this. I dont know if i should stay way until the babys born. I just dont know how to be comfortable around them now.. If anyone has any advice i would really appriciate it.


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## MumtoJ

No real advice but know where your coming from, my sis was unable to sucessfully carry to term, and telling her I was preg, both times was hard, but bless her after she had some time to process it shes been fab. We are 10500 miles apart and I'm sure that helps but she came over for 6 weeks when number 1 was born and is talking about doing the same again.

Without knowing your exact relationship with your SIL its hard to give advice, could you talk to her and let her know you understand its hard for her to be around you at the mo maybe just letting her know you've thought about it will help.


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## Sophist

KRose0813 said:


> Hi all,
> I am almost 4 months pregnant and I am having a real family issue. The last weekend I went to my fiances parents for a family dinner. My future brother and sister in law were 2 hours late. I come to find out that she was at home in tears and devistated at the thought of seeing me. Her and my brother in law have been trying for a few years to get pregnant and cant. I understand how hard it is for them. I really do. I feel horrible. In some way though It made me feel so uncomfortable that I was there. That some how i am rubbing it in her face by even being there. It really hurts me too because we dont discuss the baby if they are around. They as no questions about the baby and it makes me feel in someway they are taking away the happiness everyone should feel about this. I cant put myself in there shoes. And I dont want to in anyway rub it in there faces. I just wish they could be excited for me and show it in someway. I dont know what to do about this. I dont know if i should stay way until the babys born. I just dont know how to be comfortable around them now.. If anyone has any advice i would really appriciate it.

I'm sorry, its a hard position to be in. I don't think you should feel bad---it's not your issue. At the same time, I think its a little unfair to expect them to be excited for you, especially right now. While they may be someday, its probably too painful right now, and while you don't need to hide or hide your pregnancy, I do think it may be asking a bit much for them to be jumping up and down for you.

I was completely devastated when my SIL announced her pregnancy right after my first miscarriage. It was like adding insult to injury, and I would rather have heard through the grapevine and had time to adjust rather than being expected to congratulate her and be happy just days after our loss. I can only imagine how painful it must be when people have struggled with infertility.


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## KRose0813

I am close enough with her to be able to sit down and talk with her.. I think that is a good. idea. I dont expect her or my brother in law to be real excited I just dont like the fact that nothing can be discussed infront of them and they have absolutely no interest in what is going on. Maybe I am being selfish. I dont know what it is like to be in there shoes. Im definately going to try talking to her and I hope for the best. thank you all for your advice.


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## Eskimobabys

i think to have to tip toe around is unfair you and the family should be able to talk about ur baby/pregnancy while there around or not bc one day theres gonna be a bouncing baby right there in-front of them and the familys not gonna be able to pretend he/she isnt there! i hope things get better bc if being around while ur pregnant is hard its gonna be SO much worse when the baby arrives.


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## mama.bear

i can relate to your story.... i found out i was pregnant in early january, my younger sister by 10yrs found out she was pregnant in april (due dec) and unbeknownst to us, our brother&his wife have been having fertility issues and announced this just 2 days after my younger sis announced her pregnancy... they basically told us that they didn't want to hear any baby talk or anything. i'm due in 2wks and my SIL hasn't even returned any emails, calls, or anything. it's been disappointing and at the same time, i empathize with where they are coming from and how hard it must be. there's been no mention of our babe - the first grandbaby/niece in the family - and it's almost as if it isn't really happening... so what happens when she's born i wonder??? are they going to ignore her because it's 'too hard' on SIL? i didn't boycott their wedding because i'd been single for 10yrs and never ever thought i'd be in a relationship/getting married (still not, we're common-law)... it's been very stressful for me _(and my OH as he works away from home and has had to deal with me being upset and crying on more than one occassion due to callusness of family attitudes, he'll be VERY protective of me and LO and our space once she arrives and won't stand for any crap from my family)_ and not the fun-filled joyful family event that is common. with my brother & SIL not putting any interest out around our babe and only wanting it to be kept quiet, i'm VERY leery at including them in her life and maybe that's not any better but it's a protective thing for me at this point....
this has really torn our family apart and at a time where celebration of 2 new lives coming into our family would be the 'norm', we are more estranged than ever and that is sad. of course, there are other underlying issues that have been triggered by the pregnancies that were swept under the rug for years and years, so it's not just the pregnancies that have divided us, but they were a major part of it... 
i've come to learn, and know again in a new way, that blood is NOT thicker than water and my family is basically my circle of friends... 
oh well, it is what it is and it's not my issue, it's their's and i hope it all works out for them... 
i'm SO blessed that i've got my OH and my babe and they're the most important things in my life. no one in my 'family' has ever backed me before and now i'm blessed with an amazing man who backs me in EVERYTHING, loves and supports me unconditionally, and along with he and our babe, we make the family i've longed for my whole life.
and don't get me wrong, i love my blood family, always have and always will and wish them nothing but happiness and all the joy that their hearts long for. 
it's def a tough situation that i wouldn't wish upon anyone.
bless x


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## mama.bear

KRose0813 said:


> Hi all,
> I am almost 4 months pregnant and I am having a real family issue. The last weekend I went to my fiances parents for a family dinner. My future brother and sister in law were 2 hours late. I come to find out that she was at home in tears and devistated at the thought of seeing me. Her and my brother in law have been trying for a few years to get pregnant and cant. I understand how hard it is for them. I really do. I feel horrible. In some way though It made me feel so uncomfortable that I was there. That some how i am rubbing it in her face by even being there. It really hurts me too because we dont discuss the baby if they are around. They as no questions about the baby and it makes me feel in someway they are taking away the happiness everyone should feel about this. I cant put myself in there shoes. And I dont want to in anyway rub it in there faces. I just wish they could be excited for me and show it in someway. I dont know what to do about this. I dont know if i should stay way until the babys born. I just dont know how to be comfortable around them now.. If anyone has any advice i would really appriciate it.

:hugs:
all i can say is look after yourself, it's not your issue and it's not up to you to make things better for them... i've spent a good portion of my pregnancy quite stressed from very similar family issues and it's just so sad to me that my own family is behaving how they are. 
you're not alone, and it WILL get better.. i hope things unfold better for you than they have for my fam... 
:flower:


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## amym

This is a hard situation - my bro and SIL have had 2 MMCs in the last few years, one just a couple of months before I got pregnant. I've been really lucky as my SIL has taken on the role of 'soon to be auntie' with joy and has never said anything negative or avoided me...

I did phone and tell her myself and she appreciated that; I'm so grateful for her attitude of support and encouragement. But I really woudl understand if she avoided seeing me or wanted to talk about other things etc...it must hurt so bad.

I'm glad you're going to try and talk to her about it - good luck x


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## Nathyrra

The thing to remember is, Infertility is absolutely heartbreaking. It's soul destroying and no one with infertility problems likes being tiptoed around or wishes to spread hard feelings. I went through many family/friends announcing their pregnancies whilst I went through infertility. Whereas I had the capacity in me to eventually find peace with it and become excited too. It was a long journey and I absolutely hated myself for my apparent personality transplant when the talk of pregnancies came up.

Alot of infertile couples are just destroyed emotionally, and their number one priority is their self preservation to keep their equilibrium. As I'm sure you can understand. It's the most natural thing in the world for a woman to want children. She will be happy for you, and she will enjoy being around your baby when the little one is here. They are just having a hard time adjusting right now. It's a grieving process.

Please don't think too ill of them, I'm sure she also feels absolutely rotten about feeling the way she does. x


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## meow951

I'm not infertile and but i have recently had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and it broke my heart.

Both my cousins are pregnant and we were all due within a week of each other.

I didn't want to see or hear about any baby or pregnancy realted stuff at first. But gradually as i've started to feel better i don't feel so bad anymore. However, i have hope of having another child which your SIL doesn't and i can't imagine how she must feel.

The people who are saying just carry on and talk about it i think it horrible! Yes, she will see babies etc but she needs to come to terms with it in her own time. I'm sure that at some point she will be able to see you and the baby. Think about how much you love and want your baby and then think about if you could never have children. Horrible feeling right?

I would just give her space and let her come to you. I know that both my cousins were worried about coming to a family bbq as they didn't want to upset me and i felt so bad about it! She probably feels awful that she can't be around you.

Just give her time and respect her wishes. Remember how lucky you are.


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## JaniceT

I agree with Meow951. My husband and I had been having trouble having a baby for a few years while my Sis-In-Law has 3 beautiful children. When my 2nd ICSI cycle failed, I just needed some time away from any babies or children. When I walked at the mall and saw families with little children, my eyes would form tears. It took me a few weeks to get past it.

Please realise, it's not your fault. It's just a pain that those who really want children but can't, have to carry heavily on their shoulders.

You shouldn't need to tip toe, neither should you be talking a lot of about in front of the two of them. You can still share your joy with your friends and family members (when they are not around). Soon, they will learn to be stronger and be happy for you. For now, they most likely need to heal.


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## KRose0813

Thank you all so much.. You all have given me great examples of both sides and I really appriciate it so much.


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