# Jessie's Journey



## jessieles

Hi Girls!

So I decided to keep myself sane I would start my own Journal, meaning I can have somewhere to vent my feelings and thoughts without driving my dh crazy!

I have been a member of BnB for a year now and have found reading other peoples journals really helpful!

So here is a bit about me, I am 26 years old, have been actively trying to get pregnant since September 2013. A whole 20 months of heartache! 

After a year of trying, I went to the Dr to try and get some answers as to why this wasnt happening for me, after every test under the sun and a lot of money, it came to light that I wasnt ovulating very well on my own, so in December I was prescribed Clomid, 50mg on days 2-6. 

I took the first cycle in January and on Feb 11th I got my first bfp! I was over the moon and in total shock! I went for my 6 week scan and a sac could be seen but nothing else, so I was told to come back in 2 weeks to see the baby. However at my 8 week scan it was confirmed that I had a blighted ovum. Another long 2 weeks of waiting to miscarry passed and eventually on March 27th I used misoprostol to start the misscarriage. Making me 10 weeks and 2 days. I won't lie, this was the worst experience of my life.

I have now just finished my second cycle of clomid and am praying it wont be much longer for my bfp! 

I dont know about you guys but I can honestly say that I have found trying to conceieve the most stressful, emotional time of my life!

xxxxxx

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pregnancy-journals/2392994-boy-girl.html


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## havefaith01

jessieles said:


> Hi Girls!
> 
> So I decided to keep myself sane I would start my own Journal, meaning I can have somewhere to vent my feelings and thoughts without driving my dh crazy!
> 
> I have been a member of BnB for a year now and have found reading other peoples journals really helpful!
> 
> So here is a bit about me, I am 26 years old, have been actively trying to get pregnant since September 2013. A whole 20 months of heartache!
> 
> After a year of trying, I went to the Dr to try and get some answers as to why this wasnt happening for me, after every test under the sun and a lot of money, it came to light that I wasnt ovulating very well on my own, so in December I was prescribed Clomid, 50mg on days 2-6.
> 
> I took the first cycle in January and on Feb 11th I got my first bfp! I was over the moon and in total shock! I went for my 6 week scan and a sac could be seen but nothing else, so I was told to come back in 2 weeks to see the baby. However at my 8 week scan it was confirmed that I had a blighted ovum. Another long 2 weeks of waiting to miscarry passed and eventually on March 27th I used misoprostol to start the misscarriage. Making me 10 weeks and 2 days. I won't lie, this was the worst experience of my life.
> 
> I have now just finished my second cycle of clomid and am praying it wont be much longer for my bfp!
> 
> I dont know about you guys but I can honestly say that I have found trying to conceieve the most stressful, emotional time of my life!
> 
> xxxxxx

Hi! I am very sorry for your loss! I just recently miscarried at 8.5 weeks, found out at 10 week scan. We are trying again, and not waiting for AF! This time it has been very stressful...I wish it wasn't. I wanted to be one of those ladies that try again and get it on the first try...I know that is almost impossible! I am getting ready to enter my tww....but I just have a feeling it didn't happen. :( Praying you get your BFP very soon!


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## jessieles

Hello havefaith, thanks for your kind comments. its an awful time isnt it, i hoped to catch before af too but didnt happen for me. I have heard that after a miscarriage you are more fertile so dont be too negative on yourself! Fingers crossed if its not this cycle then defo the next for you! :hugs::hugs:


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## havefaith01

I got my first REAL positive OPK yesterday CD 19 (counting D&C as CD1). We Bd'd the day before and today...sorry TMI... hope I didn't miss it! :) Are you using Opk's this cycle?


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## jessieles

thats fab!! your in with a good chance! i wasnt gonna bother bcoz they stress me out, im always unsure whether what im looking at is a positive or a negative so wer just gonna bd eod! Its so cruel to get your bfp and dreams and then hav it all taken away isnt it!


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## havefaith01

jessieles said:


> thats fab!! your in with a good chance! i wasnt gonna bother bcoz they stress me out, im always unsure whether what im looking at is a positive or a negative so wer just gonna bd eod! Its so cruel to get your bfp and dreams and then hav it all taken away isnt it!

Yes...it is very cruel....so heartbreaking! Never thought it would happen to me!!! Opks street me out too. When is your next cycle due?


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## jessieles

Im currently on cd13 so half way through! you keep bding :winkwink: xx


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## Babylove100

I found you :happydance: yay for your journal! Remember, you got this!xx


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## jessieles

Hiya Babylove! Well looking at yours daily has helped me so i thought why not! I hope your feeling better :hugs::hugs:


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## Babylove100

Thank you! Feel a bit better, just dh causing me problems now :haha: honestly, men are insufferable sometimes!!x


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## Teeny Weeny

Hi Jessie! I thought I would come join you. I'm sorry for your loss. 
I had a MMC in April after 10 months TTC. We did try last cycle before AF but it didn't happen. :-( I am now currently CD4. 
I have PCOS and on my next cycle (June sometime) I am starting back on Clomid. We are just going to BD a couple of times a week in the hope to catch an egg before then. 
I am lucky that with my Clomid cycle I will get a follicle scan and hopefully that will help us time BD well. 
Good luck in your rainbow journey. Let's hope we all get out BFPs quickly. Xx


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## jessieles

babylove- i know the feeling my dh is driving me nuts at the moment!!

Teeny Weeny! Heya hun, that would be lovely to share your journey with you! How is your cycle going? im on cd 16 today, weve only managed to bd on cd11,13 and 14 so now im stressing that its not enough! how many cycle on clomid were you before you got your bfp? xxx


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## jessieles

So, I am now on cd23. This cycle we have bd'd on cd 11, 13,14, 17, and 19 so im really hoping that we have covered it this cycle. The cycle that I got my bfp we did 6,8,10,12,14,16 and 17 so its making me anxious that we havent quite bd'd that many times this month. 

We have been away this week and had a few days off together, to try and focus on other things other than getting that bfp. I have to be honest, when i had my miscarriage I thought that booking these things would really distract me, but ive come to accept, no matter what im doing or where I am, the empty feeling inside me is always there. I am now at the stage where I am really struggling with it all. I feel like I am going through the daily motions of life but deep down i wanna hide myself somewhere and not come out until I have that little bean growing inside me. I have lost all positivity about any of it.


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## jessieles

So today I had my progesterone levels back. I was told that a level over 30 means I had ovulated, the month I got my bfp it was 35, today it was 50. Although I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up, I now have a sliver of hope!


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## jessieles

Today i have strong af pains. Why do pregnancy symptoms have to be the same as af symptoms? The month I got my bfp I was convinced af was due, so now my head is all over the shop. A bit of me is excited and then a bit of me is dreading af so much that I could burst into tears at any moment!


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## Babylove100

Ah keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!! Hope your doing okay, I know how you feel, I had a down day yesterday, the sad feeling is never too far away is it :-( :hugs:


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## jessieles

Tell me about it hun, rubbish isnt it! How are you doing? xx


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## Teeny Weeny

How many DPO are you now honey? Xx


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## Pickletilly

I have absolutely everything crossed for you J, I really hope this is it for you. Time to fill that void :hugs:


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## Babylove100

I'm still here plodding along waiting to "hopefully" ovulate soon!

How far in your cycle are you now hun??


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## jessieles

Teeny Weeny- I dont know exactly when i did o, but I'm cd25 now, due af in about 6 days.

Pickle- :hugs::hugs::hugs: bump buddies here we come!

Babylove- I have everything crossed that o will happen asap for you!!


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## PrincessTaz

Hi there, hope you don't mind a new follower?

So so sorry for your loss :hugs: 
I had an early loss after my first ever cycle of clomid when I was ttc ds and it was devastating especially when you have waited so so long. Also had a mmc at 10 weeks and that was even more soul destroying, one of the great things about this forum though is all the support and being able to talk to others who know what you're going through.

Good luck with this cycle, your progesterone level sounds very good, I just had mine done today so hope they're as good as that. When will you be testing? X


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## jessieles

Hiya Taz!!

It sucks doesnt it!

Fingers crossed for you, when will you get your results? I'm really nervous about testing! The thought of seeing bfn's is soul destroying isnt it! I last got my bfp on cd29 so Ill wait until Saturday if i can!

Are you feeling any diff this cycle? xx


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## PrincessTaz

It really does!

They said I can call on Friday for them but I'm going to be cheeky and call tomorrow afternoon. 

Seeing bfn is so so crap, I wish I had the will power not to test. You do right though not testing. I really hope you get your sticky bfp.

I feel no different at the moment, had loads of symptoms up until CD6 and then nothing.


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## jessieles

So this morning I stupidly caved and tested with an ic. I got a blazing bfn! I dont know why i did this as now im just going nuts. Half of me thinks af is defo on her way and then a part of me hopes its too early as when i got my bfp last time i was 2 days from af whereas im now 5 days from af, and i only got a bfp on an frer, ic's didnt show a bfp for me last time until a week later!

I honestly dont know how much longer I can keep doing this. The toughest part of it all is that you have no control over any of it! I honestly dont even know myself anymore, i feel constantly down, on the edge of tears, I cant see positivity in anything. I was driving to work this mornin, the sun was shining and i just thought I should be really happy but I'm so miserable all the time! It doesnt help that in an office of 4, im the only girl with no baby, one of the girls is pregnant too so the office is constant baby talk. and the irony is I started trying before anyone else and they are now back from maternity leave! 
I try my best to put a happy face on but my poor dh must struggle with me being like this all the time!


Neway, I spose we have to keep plodding along!


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## jessieles

so i have been googling all morning and apparently thers quite a common link between clomid and depression!


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## Babylove100

Ah hunni, sorry your feeling so down. There's nothing I can say but I'm right here with you!! 5days before af still gives you plenty of time to still get your bfp!!!xx


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## Teeny Weeny

You were so early testing. You are definately not out my love. 
I am starting 100mg Clomid next cycle so we can do it together. I know it makes me miserable for a week but not on a long term basis. How are you feeling today? Xx


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## PrincessTaz

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. I didn't know there was a link between clomid and depression but I do know it makes me extremely emotional. It also won't be easy so soon after your loss, you need to give yourself a break and go easy on yourself. It's takes time to move on and start to heal. 

BFNs are the worst things ever too, I wish I could tell you not to rest early but I'm as bad but it isn't nice to see when you want something so much. You are way early though and loads and loads of time for your bfp! :hugs: :hugs:


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## jessieles

Aw thank you all :hugs:

I tested today, 11dpo, bfn and then started spotting so think im out! Maybe thats why I have been so low, pms!

Teeny Ween- As soon as af turns to full flow I will be starting the next batch of clomid so we will defo be on the same cycle together! I am only on 50mg, i think she told me to only double it if i dont ovulate!

Taz- I think you are right, i think im putting too much pressure on myself, i need to learn to think in the bigger picture ill get my bfp soon instead of being adamant that i want it right now! I need to be kinder to myself!


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## Teeny Weeny

With my DS I only took 50mg but I did have ovarian drilling prior to that so perhaps that's why my dose was lower. 
This time my consultant went straight in for 100mg. I am a little bit scared to be honest! I don't want to turn into a crazy lady. Xx


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## jessieles

Ive defo turned into a crazy lady haha! youll be fine, just be kind to urself, i think we need to put less pressure on rselves too x


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## Teeny Weeny

You're right there! I put so much pressure on myself to get pregnant again and feel like a failure every month. I must remember that it takes 2 to make a baby and hubby is just as disappointed with the BFN too. 
I'm only CD17 here and time is dragging. I want this cycle to be over to take Clomid already. 
At least I have half term to keep me busy and a very poorly little boy today with sickness and diarrohea.


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## jessieles

My dh often reminds me that he is in this journey too!

Aww I hope your little one is better soon! :flower:


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## jessieles

So the stupid witch arrived over the weekend! but i have had my crying and ranting and raving. I'm now on cd3 so second lot of clomid this eve!

I am gonna try and calm down this month as last cycle I turned into a raving lunatic.

Onwards and upwards!


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## Babylove100

Ah so sorry to hear this Jessie :hugs: hoping this is your bfp cycle!! Good luck!!!xx


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## PrincessTaz

I'm so sorry, really hope this is your lucky cycle! 

It's so hard to not let it get to you, you're not the only one who gets crazy!

My temps dropped below my cover line today so af will be here today or tomorrow so we can be clomid crazies together lol. 

Hopefully we can both try and be more relaxed this go.

:hugs: x


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## jessieles

Babylove- :hugs: Thanks hun! 

Taz- yes fingers crossed this is our lucky cycle! positive thoughts!


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## Teeny Weeny

Do you have any scans or bloodwork follow up Jessie? Xx


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## jessieles

Nope, I just take clomid days 2-6 and then have cd21 bloods done to see if I ovulate x


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## Teeny Weeny

FX'd for this cycle. Let's hope this is the month. Xx
The month I got my BFP with DS2, the day 21 bloods were borderline for ovulation. Obviously I did!


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## jessieles

So I am currently cd 6, so last day on clomid today and we are gonna start bd eod from today onwards. Feeling awful again, me and clomid really arent friends! constant headache and hunger! 

Bring on this cycle!


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## fairyy

:hi: beautiful. 
:thumbup: for journal. Now it's easier to track you. 
Sending tons of :dust: and positive vibes to keep you sane in the middle of this crazy TTC journey.


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## jessieles

Hiya Pal!

:hugs: it is a crazy journey isnt it! cant wait to see how your cycle goes this month! bring on our bfps!!



CD10 today so just doing the deed as much as poss and seeing what happens!


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## PrincessTaz

Jessie I took my clomid on an night before bed this time around and it worked well, I hardly had any symptoms from it. 

How's is going so far?

I'm CD8 and bored waiting to O lol x


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## Babylove100

Yay getting closer to O!! Got everything crossed for you Hun!!x


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## fairyy

Yes hun it is super crazy. Let's try our best and hope for the best too :)

Cd11 today. We DTD on cd9 and going to try tomorrow on cd12.


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## jessieles

Taz- yeh i always take mine before bed! im on cd11 so waiting to o, i find them confusin so my friend is helping with daily pics haha! so far weve bd on days 8 and 10 so far so good! howa u feeling this cycle?

Babylove- thanks hun, i really hope this is my month!

Fairy- i have everything crossed for you! lovely to have you back in the game!!


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## Teeny Weeny

Looks like you'll have your bases covered with the BDing Jessie. Not long now until ovulation hopefully. FX'd this is your cycle. Xx


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## Trying4first1

AF came with full force today. So feeling rather emotional and down in the dumps (pathetic I know) I guess I was hoping for that lovely :bfp: I really miss being pregnant and I guess I was hoping too much that it would happen right away. I'm fed up of being patient!! ........Well onto next cycle now, I will start a July testers thread just incaee the evil :witch: claims anyone else this month (let's hope not!). Wishing you all the best of luck and I will be stalking you all still, in hope of seeing some :bfp: updates! :happydance: x


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## Trying4first1

Whoops!!! Sorry ladies wrong thread :haha: xx


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## jessieles

so cd19 today, im officially in the tww!

I hope weve managed to do it this month! we bd'd on cd 8,10,12,14,15 and 17. and the day i got a positive opk i had a brilliant day with hubby, we laughed all day, got very drunk and bd'd twice that eve so fingers crossed that made a difference!

Im going to wait until the 20th to test, and try not to symptom spot in the meantime. bring on the tww!


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## PrincessTaz

Wahoo to all that sexy time and being in the 2ww. Sounds like you've got all bases covered this cycle, good luck! I have a good feeling for you x


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## fairyy

:thumbup: for some sexy time. You gave it all. Being relaxed is an added bonus in fertile window. Btw when you think you ovulated Jessie ? I think I ovulated on cd17 may be. Not sure though.


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## Teeny Weeny

jessieles said:


> so cd19 today, im officially in the tww!
> 
> I hope weve managed to do it this month! we bd'd on cd 8,10,12,14,15 and 17. and the day i got a positive opk i had a brilliant day with hubby, we laughed all day, got very drunk and bd'd twice that eve so fingers crossed that made a difference!
> 
> Im going to wait until the 20th to test, and try not to symptom spot in the meantime. bring on the tww!

Sounds like you got it covered! Having some fun and relaxing time with hubby sounds perfect and a perfect way to make a baby. Good luck honey, I'm rooting for you. Xx:kiss:


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## jessieles

aww thank u all :hugs:

taz- im hoping this month is your month too!

fairy- i think it was cd14 but i may be wrong! that day i had my darkest opk and mega o pains! howa u feeling hun?

teeny weeny- thanks hun! hows your cycle going?


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## Teeny Weeny

CD37 and apparently 14DPO. No BFP, so waiting on the witch. :-( xx


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## fairyy

Nothing special going on here. First we had to wait for ovulation and now to miss AF. 

But chances are good this time :)


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## jessieles

So I'm having a down day today. I know this usually happens to me in the second week of the tww. I think its because im so terrified af will arrive. I honestly dont know what Im going to do if it hasnt worked this month, i have done what everyone told me too, bd as much as possible, the week of ovulation I was busy busy so didnt stress, on o day I laughed all day with hubby and really enjoyed myself. If it hasnt worked this month then I give up any hope!


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## mirandaprice

I totally didn't realize you had a journal, will be following from now on.

Keeping everything crossed this cycle brings a sticky bfp!


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## Teeny Weeny

jessieles said:


> So I'm having a down day today. I know this usually happens to me in the second week of the tww. I think its because im so terrified af will arrive. I honestly dont know what Im going to do if it hasnt worked this month, i have done what everyone told me too, bd as much as possible, the week of ovulation I was busy busy so didnt stress, on o day I laughed all day with hubby and really enjoyed myself. If it hasnt worked this month then I give up any hope!

It looks to me that you are in with a winning chance this month. You have done everything you possibly can. I hate the TWW, it brings so much stress and worry. Feel positive that you have given it your best shot. That's all we can do. FX'd for a BFP honey. Not too long to wait now. Xx


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## Pickletilly

You are not gonna give up hope! Look at the start of clomid as the start of ttc. You haven't been on it very long and it won't take anywhere near as long as your previous ttc journey. Chin up sweetheart x


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## fairyy

I like what Kerry said. Yes, this is now the start of real TTC. You have done everything you could this time. BFP isn't far away sweetie.:hugs:


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## jessieles

Aw I love you lot!

Yes i spose thats true, i wasnt ovulating and now i am so i suppose now im just on a level playing field like 'normal' people!

Miranda- my journal is a bit crap as i find it weird talking to myself haha!

Pickle- :hugs::hugs: p.s loving your bump pic in the other thread!

Fairy- how are you doing hun? how many dpo are you now?

Teeny Weeny- thanks hun! how are you doing? xx


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## fairyy

7/8po I think. Not sure. 

How are you feeling today ?


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## Teeny Weeny

CD4 and night 3 of Clomid. Halfway through! Then waiting for ovulation. Xx


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## fairyy

My stomach is so upset today. It has not been so good from last few days. May be because of what I am eating :shrug:


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## jessieles

Fairy- Im ok, just plodding along! Nervous! Are you going to wait for af to arrive or test beforehand?

Teeny Weeny- aah exciting, youve got your whole cycle ahead, i have everything crossed for you!


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## PrincessTaz

I think you're in with a really good chance. I love what the pp said about thinking of clomid as the start so true. It changes everything and you have a really good chance. 

I get nervous in the 2ww too, wishing you lots of luck x


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## jessieles

Thanks Taz, right back at you! :hugs:


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## Teeny Weeny

Clomid makes me feel like I am doing something productive. Like I am taking charge of my body again! I know ovulatung is only half the battle and we still need to get the little swimmers there, but right now I feel quite positive. 
I am so excited for you Jessie. When is official testing? Xx


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## Pickletilly

My bloat bump has gone now, but can't wait to have the real thing :)

And you aren't talking yourself, you're talking to us x


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## jessieles

Teeny Weeny- Yes, i suppose thats how i have to start looking at it! Well im cd25 today, so around 10 dpo. I am planning on testing with an frer om friday, fingers crossed something will show!

Kerry- it wont be long and youll have your bump :happydance: howa u feeling?


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## Teeny Weeny

You have will power! I guess by then it's a clear yes/no. I have spent far too long staring at HPTs, turning them every way but which just in case there is a line! 
I think 12dpo is a good time to use a FRER. Good luck, I'm really rooting for you. Xx


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## fairyy

Good luck Jessie. Hope second line pops up on Friday. 

I am going to wait till Cd34 to test as I think I ovulated late this cycle. Today is cd26 only.


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## jessieles

Thanks both, i cant wait for your updates too!!


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## jessieles

Today I feel like i may be out, I have woken up with af pains, Im sure the month I had my bfp they gradually started and stayed but for a while, whereas these have just started 4 days before af is due. I know if i was someone else id be telling myself af pains are common whether you get that bfp or bfn but i just got a feeling this isnt my month! Time will soon tell xx


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## mirandaprice

Fx'd its not AF and just a BFP snuggling in!

Are you waiting to test until you're late?


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## PrincessTaz

I've always felt just like af was coming with all my bfps. Most early pregnancy symptoms are the same as af symptoms


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## fairyy

How are you Jessie ?


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## jessieles

Hi Girlies. So af arrived on the weekend. I also had an appt with my obgyn, she said I have 3 cycles left on clomid and then she wants me to have my ovaries drilled, after this i will be on the waiting list for ivf. This all terrified me on Friday and I spent most of the day in a right mess. But after speaking to my mum and hubby, I feel a lot better now.

Our plan is to keep with the clomid for the next 3 cycles, stop opking, stop forcing sex when we arent in the mood and try to relax as i think the stress is going against me. Then we have decided if by Oct I am not preggers we will book a big holiday and hav a break and then come back and prepare for surgery. I am actually feeling quite positive about the future and now i need to accept i will get my bfp but it just may not be straight away!

How are you all doing? xxx


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## fairyy

So sorry for AF Jess. Big hug to you. I was thinking about you this weekend. 

You are right. Try to relax and not to have forced BD. I know its the most difficult part not to stress or obsess. I hope within next three cycles you get that most awaited super sticky BFP. Loads of love and luck to you dear. Be brave and be positive. I am sure BFP is so close to you.:hugs:


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## jessieles

Thanks Pal!

How is your cycle going? xx


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## fairyy

Cd31 today. I think AF is due either tomorrow or Wednesday.


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## PrincessTaz

I'm so sorry af came Jessie :hugs:

I really hope you get that bfp on the clomid but if not your plan sounds like a good one and break away will do you both the world of good.


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## fairyy

Hi Jessie. How are you ? 

AF got me too yesterday. :(


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## jessieles

Awww Pal! :hugs: r u ok?

Im on cd4 today so just plodding along!


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## fairyy

I am little behind you. Fertile window is a week away. Trying to relax and BD EOD in the fertile period. But TTC is always on my mind. 

It is so hard to wait to ovulate then BD then again wait for two weeks only to get AF. But according to DH this is the first month of actual TTC. So he wants us to give it 6months at least. 1month down! This will be my second month on Duphaston.


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## jessieles

Hey Girls!

So today is my last day of clomid and im feeling quite positive about this cycle, im trying to think 'i will be pregnant in the next 3 months' rather than focus on right now. Our plan is just to bd often but not on a strict schedule like usual, no opking and trying to relax!

Pal- Trying to relax is so hard isnt it! Im really positive for you though and i think you dh is right, i have everything crossed for u!

Taz- how are you doing hun?


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## fairyy

Thanks Jess. I am trying not to think anything about ttc and all as of now. Will try to eod for that fertile week and then relax again. I will hope for the best but at then same time be ready to accept if its BFN.


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## PrincessTaz

I think that's a great mindset to have Jessie, I'm sure you will too. Good plan with the BD too, it's can't help when we're stressed and forcing it all the time.

I'm ok, I'm 13dpo but maybe less. Been getting evaps on frer for a few days but then today I possibly had something on a frer and an ic. So faint it's hard to tell if real or an evap though so waiting to see what tomorrow brings!


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## jessieles

Pal- that sounds like a good plan!

Taz- I will check your journal for an update now.

Ive left a message today for a fertility reflexology session this week, never had it before and thought it may help : )


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## fairyy

Fertility reflexology ...that sounds interesting.


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## jessieles

Well someone mentioned it to me over a year ago and i didnt take any notice but i found this online;


'An increasing number of women claim this popular type of foot massage has helped them conceive. Now a medical study has been launched to discover if the claims are true.
Reflexology, a traditional healing art dating from the ancient Egyptians and Chinese, involves manipulation of pressure points in the hands and feet and is often used to ease period pain, headaches, sinus and back problems as well as the effects of chemotherapy.
Practitioners claim the soles of the feet are like a mini map of the inside of the body and are linked to our inner organs and systems, including the fallopian tubes and ovaries. By massaging different points on the feet therapists claim they can unblock energy pathways in the body and so help the body to regain its natural balance and heal itself.
Some points on the foot are associated with a woman's egg production and by manipulating these areas reflexologists claim they can correct the imbalances which can hamper pregnancy'


So i thought what have i got to lose by giving it a go!


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## Teeny Weeny

That sounds fab Jessie. Definately worth a go. Do let us know what it's like, it may be something I will consider in a few months. Xx


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## jessieles

They couldnt fit me in until 22nd july :( i wanted it before o this month but ill have to wait now until my next cycle. but its something to aim for anyway!


----------



## fairyy

It seems good. Give it a try.But July 22nd is so far. No problem you relax this cycle and enjoy BD. Who knows you might not need reflexology and get a BFP this cycle. :)


----------



## jessieles

Fingers crossed, how are you feeling about your next cycle? xx


----------



## fairyy

I am not stressed as last cycle though not relaxed completely. But so far so good. AF is gone. So I am almost a week away from big "O".


----------



## jessieles

Yes im finding this 'relaxing' thing much harder than I thought!


----------



## PrincessTaz

I always say I'm going to try and relax more with ttc but it never happens. It's so hard to relax when you're so aware of your own and body and fertility signs. I am deffo relaxing this cycle seen as we're not taking clomid this month. Not even buying opks etc because if they're in the house I will pee on them lol x


----------



## jessieles

That is a good idea! Are you having a break from clomid? i had a nose at your journal earlier, you must be all over the shop!


----------



## fairyy

Jess sending :dust::dust::dust: for you. 

Relaxing is not possible I know. But let's not stress about it. You are doing good. It will surely happen soon hun.


----------



## PrincessTaz

Yeah the assisted conception unit nurse said they don't advise taking clomid after a mc as your hormones aren't settled and can throw everything off. Also at the moment I'm not sure if it's an ectopic or not with still getting positive tests even after 4 days heavy bleeding.

I'm just totally confused if I'm honest! I think I really need the break!


----------



## jessieles

:dust::dust: back to you pal, has your fertile time started yet?

Taz- i agree, your body needs a break, i really feel for you, ttc is the worst time!


----------



## fairyy

Not yet Jessie. I have no cm. Last cycle also I didn't get any. Hopefully this cycle be a normal one. 

Cd10 today. Thinking of starting EOD from tomorrow.


----------



## jessieles

im cd 13 today, we started eod from yesterday but it wasnt that much of a success. we are really struggling now to keep it all motivated. i think dh is feeling pressure and most of the time dreads bd. so this eve im going to get a nice bottle of alcohol and think of something to get him going! He said last night straight after, i cannot wait for this all to be over and for us to just be pregnant. 2 years of this is really hard going!


----------



## fairyy

:hugs: hun. I know how it feels. :sex: is no more fun. 

Try to not discuss about TTC when in fertile window and just have :sex:
Be loving and show that you want him. 

I am on cd11. Aiming to BD today but no ewcm yet. I wanted start from tomorrow but friends are coming. So not possible tomorrow. I have a headache, DH is tired too. Let's see how it goes. 

Seriously we all should get pregnant soon and stop all these madness :wacko:


----------



## fairyy

How are you Jessie ? Hope things are going good for you. I can do nothing but just pray for you:flower: TTC is freaking hard and I seriously don't want you to go through all these for long. 

I am on cd13 today. We had nice time on cd11. But I tried some for this afternoon and DH was not in mood. I was pissed off. He said still we have time to BD today. But I think I don't want it now. Still no ewcm which is super strange. One cycle can be bust but another one in a row :shrug: WTH !!


----------



## jessieles

Hiya Pal!

I cant wait for the madness to be over!

How did it go after what days did you manage to bd?

Its so difficult isnt, its like forced sex now all the time! and so hard when neither of you are in the mood!

We have managed to bd on 6,8,12,13,14,15. Im cd16 today and dh says tomorrow is our next. I havent had the usual ovulation pains though and havent opk'd so that i try and relax so time will tell!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I understand the forced sex issue! I took Clomid 2-6 and hoped to ovulate around CD14. Hence, we pretty much BD from CD6-18. However, I didn't get confirmation of ovulation from FF which is telling me I have had an anovulatory cycle. :-( 
All that BDing for nothing it seems. I just want to enjoy sex for sex again. In my head it's always about baby making. Soooo frustrating. 

Jessie, what day do you usually ovulate? I am CD24 and as I said, no ovulation detected. Have you ovulated late on Clomid at all? 
It seems you have all bases covered with your BD and I hope you get that BFP soon honey. Xxx


----------



## jessieles

How do u usually try to confirm o? dyou have bloods taken or anything? i will have bloods done friday now, ive stopped opking as i find it too stressful! I usually o around 15 i think but im not too sure. i just have bloods done every cd21 to check what levels of progesterone i have. xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I was meant to have a day 12 follicle scan but the consultant was on holiday. He didn't give me forms for day 21 bloods as he thought I would be tracked by the scan. 
So, I've been left all on my own this month without knowing what the hell is going in in there. :-( I do OPKs and bbt. The OPKs were positive but my temperature didn't show this. Apparently, without bloods/scan, the only way to know definitively is by bbt. 
On 50mg my ovulation day was 15. It seems this is quite normal for Clomid as you do too. I guess I can safely say this cycle is a bust. 
How long before you test again? Are you now in the TWW? Xx


----------



## jessieles

Thats rubbish that you dont have a clue whats going on!

You never know, dont lose hope, you may hav still o'd! will you see the doc now to see if you need to up the dosage?

Im cd16 today, i dnt tend to class myself in the tww until after cd18 just incase i o late! im defo getting tired of it all now though! :cry:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I am on 100mg this time already. In 2009 I had ovarian drilling and 50mg. 
I did take some leftover Clomid in December and that seemed to make me ovulate too. Perhaps the dose is too high. 
I am absolutely and truly fed up with TTC now. I keep swaying from giving up to just carrying on as we have tried so long already. I hate TTC and the stress it causes. 
FX'd for you this month, and this torturous journey can be over. Xx


----------



## jessieles

I know hun its the most draining, emotional time ever! so stressful!

My obgyn wants me to have ovarian drilling in oct, how was it? sounds awful!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

It was actually fine. The thought of what they do is far worse than the actual procedure itself. I was up and about the next day. 
I have another 2 months of Clomid and then the consultant wants me to have it done again, which would put me at October too. Let's hope neither of us need it. Xx


----------



## fairyy

Jessie your BD timing is just perfect:thumbup:

Don't worry you tried your best and now we can hope nothing but the best :bfp: 

What is ovarian drilling btw ?


----------



## jessieles

Fairy- god i hope this is the last cycle of ttc!

How are you doing?

Ovarian drilling- Laparoscopic ovarian drilling is a surgical treatment that can trigger ovulation in women who have polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Electrocautery or a laser is used to destroy parts of the ovaries. For women who do not respond to treatment with medicine, such as clomiphene, about 50% of them may be able to become pregnant after they have ovarian drilling surgery.Ovarian drilling is usually done through a small incision (laparoscopy), with general anesthesia. The surgeon makes a small cut (incision) in the abdomen at the belly button. The surgeon then places a tube to inflate the abdomen with a small amount of carbon dioxide gas so that he or she can insert the viewing instrument (laparoscope) without damage to the internal organs. The surgeon looks through the laparoscope at the internal organs. Surgical instruments may be inserted through the same incision or other small incisions in the pelvic area.

Teeny - lets hope neither of us get to oct without a bfp!!!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Kind of good news here.. FF puts me down as ovulated! CD20 mind you so pretty poor show on Clomid, but I am 5dpo and nearer to trying it again next month. I was worried that my cycle would be super long without ovulation so I have 11 days hopefully until my next round. Xx


----------



## jessieles

Thats brilliant!! so your officially in the tww!:dust:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Apparently so! But my temps are doing all weird things this month so I am not hopeful in the slightest. 
Even DH is talking about next month! Lol xx


----------



## jessieles

you have to stay positive, i have everythin crossed for u! did you bd much in the fertile time? xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

We couldn't BD anymore if we tried! We have only had a few days off in the last 3 weeks. Mostly every day, a couple of nights missed as it was getting too much. DH instigated it as he is very much wanting to conceive quickly. 
I try and stay positive but months and months of BFN is so hard as you know. Even a BFP will scare me after the miscarriage. 
When are you testing honey? Xx


----------



## jessieles

Yeh i know exactly what you mean. My dh is really struggling with it all now, its like hes put so much pressure on hisself that now he hated bding! i will try not to test until af is due as i waste so much money on frers! how about you?


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I only use internet cheapies. That way I can POAS to my hearts content without wasting too much money! If I see a line on those then I would use a FRER. 
Today is 6dpo so I will start testing in 3 days time. If no BFP by 10dpo I know I'm out, as I always see a line on this day if pregnant. Xx

But some Internet cheapies and start testing with me! Lol xx


----------



## jessieles

Hmm he only worry i have is that when i was 6 weeks pregnant with a strong frer my ic's were still negative!

I guess i must be in the tww now as Im due af in 12 days. im cd18 today, im guessing i must have o'd by now but we bd on cd17 just incase. 

bring it on! lets hope we have strong symptoms and then a bfp!!:hugs:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

This TTW is dragging already. It feels like torture! 
I hope these next 2 weeks pass quickly for yourself and you'll update with some happy news. Xx


----------



## fairyy

:dust::dust::dust:


----------



## jessieles

I hate tww! i always say im gnna just chill and see what happens but day 1 of the tww and im constantly googling success stories, god help me for the next 12 days :wacko::wacko:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I won't be of any help! I do the same. I swear I have googled every pregnancy related article in the world through the course of this journey! I have started testing at 7dpo and I feel like a crazy woman already. 
The 2WW sucks, I wish we could just have a yes/no on 1dpo to relieve the massive amount of stress it brings. 
Enough of my waffling.... You can do this honey. Be strong!! Xx


----------



## jessieles

hahaha ill be joining you! I know, id like to know as soon as the sperm meets the egg! :haha:


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## fairyy

I wish I can look inside my body and see what's happening in there O:)

Cd17 and I am not even in TWW. I would consider myself in TWW from Sunday. :growlmad:


----------



## jessieles

r u sure u havent o'd? xx


----------



## fairyy

Ewcm showed up on cd15 and then it was there on cd16 and cd17 too. I had abundant cm yesterday on cd17 and we didn't BD. So I think either I am ovulating today or tomorrow. That's the normal cm pattern for me (I ovulate on 4th or 5th day after I first see ewcm)which I didn't get somehow last cycle.


----------



## fairyy

When are you planning to POAS ?


----------



## jessieles

well, im cd24 today, so around a week for af. i dnt have any symptoms or any gut feeling, i really dont think it worked this month but time will tell. im going to try not to poas until saturday as i waste too much money on frers and then just worrying its too early etc. how about u?


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## jessieles

Just had my bloods back. I was told anything over 30 means i ovluated.

So far its gone

Cycle 1 35 and i got my bfp
Cycle 2 50
Cycle 3 45

This month, cycle 4 is 52, so my strongest egg yet! Please let a swimmer have got ther!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

jessieles said:


> Just had my bloods back. I was told anything over 30 means i ovluated.
> 
> So far its gone
> 
> Cycle 1 35 and i got my bfp
> Cycle 2 50
> Cycle 3 45
> 
> This month, cycle 4 is 52, so my strongest egg yet! Please let a swimmer have got ther!

That's fantastic! Good luck. Let's hope this is it! Xx


----------



## jessieles

Thanks hun, how are you doing? xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I'm okay thank you. 11dpo and BFN on FRER so I know I'm out. :-( 
The horrible part is that Clomid gives so many 'symptoms' just to mess with our heads. FF also said my chart was triphasic so that made me use the FRER! What a waste of money and I was rather upset too. 
Onwards to next month. If I really am 11dpo then I have my next round of Clomid starting Saturday which I guess is something to look forward too. Hopefully this time around I will get a follicle scan too. 

Are you not tempted to test at all? Those numbers are great. Xx


----------



## jessieles

awww :hugs: im sorry u got a bfn!

sounds like you are positive for your next cycle though!

well im only 7dpo so i know itd b pointless. im not expecting a bfp anymore though, funny isnt it you just lose any hope!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I have lost all hope as of this morning. Even said out loud 'I GIVE UP' and DH heard. He asked if we really had! What i meant was I give up on seeing a BFP. We will still try of course but I cannot get any hopes up of falling pregnant if you know what I mean. I feel ready to throw in the towel. 

I hope the next week passes quickly. Xx


----------



## jessieles

I feel the same! Cant wait for it all to be over!


----------



## fairyy

Yes Teeny Weeny I feel exactly like what you said. Don't expect BFP anymore but can't give up trying. 

Jessie, wow that seems a strong ovulation and your BD timing is great too. Can't wait for you to test. :)


----------



## jessieles

Thanks Pal, i feel the same as you two these days, dont expect a bfp anymore!


----------



## TinyLynne

Sounds like a good strong O Jessie! Stalking to see you get your BFP and sticky baby!


----------



## jessieles

Hi TinyLynne! I do love new stalkers :hi:

I hate the tww! Im driving myself nuts, af pains started yesterday, and thats a big confusion isnt it, because you get them whether your pregnant or not! im trying my very best not to symptom spot but its so hard!


----------



## jessieles

TinyLynne- whats your sory? have you started clomid? xx


----------



## TinyLynne

No, I will start it when I get AF, my OB wanted me to wait a non pregnancy cycle. And I get it, it's textbook, but my HCG has never been above 23 (that I've had blood tests for anyway) so I have a hard time believing that the loss will affect my cycles at all. 

I realized this morning while symptom spotting (metal taste in mouth is getting awful, nipples seemed really huge this morning) that I probably don't even know what a pregnancy cycle feels like, I wouldn't think that HCG that low would cause symptoms. Just symptoms of progesterone! 

I didn't temp this cycle either, and didn't get a peak on my monitor, but I think I Od early for me on CD18 as opposed to CD21 (I have never Od early) but I can't really pin point it without temping. But I know I Od because of the metal taste. 

You are right though, AF symptoms and Pregnancy symptoms have been the same! When do you plan to test?


----------



## jessieles

Aww, well im hoping clomid does the job for u! Or that you wont even need it and af doesnt arrive!

I have a feeling im out as my af pains feel like af pains and not stretching! but i remember the night before my bfp i sat n cried as i had af pains. argh im turning crazy ! i plan to test saturday as then ill be cd29 and thats when i got my bfp in feb! and also im out saturday night so ill know whether to drown my sorrows!


----------



## TinyLynne

I will be testing Saturday too, I have a bachelorette party to go to. And yes, drown sorrows or be the DD! I was DD at the last bachelorette party I went to as I was pregnant, but started bleeding the next day, so I hope that if there is a BFP it is a sticky one for us!! 

Good luck!


----------



## fairyy

Yes Jessie I do remember that you complained about AF cramps before your BFP. So I am hopeful for you. No need to be sad this early. Hold on sweetie. Only few more days to go !


----------



## jessieles

TinyLynne- lets hope we are both DDs on saturday and that we have sticky bfps! ive bought some ic's, they should be at home when i get in, i thought i may test each morn rather than build all my hopes on saturday n then b devasted if its a bfn!

Fairy- thanks hun, i HATE the tww! im losing my mind, constantly googling ' bfps after af pains' even tho ive had that myself, it makes u crazy xx


----------



## TinyLynne

I was thinking the same thing about testing early. I went to the grocery store on Monday and they were completely out of FRERs! I couldn't believe it! So I guess I will stop on my way home from work today if I don't get any spotting. I usually spot a few days before AF comes, so that would start soon I would think.

Good luck! I'm excited to start seeing your tests!!!


----------



## jessieles

me too! let me know when u start testing xxx:hugs:


----------



## TinyLynne

I'm not sure I will. Had a small brown spot this morning, so if there is anymore, I won't test because it's probably AF.


----------



## jessieles

Awww hun :hugs: sometimes that doesnt mean anything!

Mine havent arrived so i cant test which is prob a good thing!


----------



## TinyLynne

Well that's no fun! Lol. Hopefully they come today and you can get your fix! I'm rooting for you!!!


----------



## jessieles

I also just had a bit of brown spotting so i think im out too! Im starting to wonder if i will ever b a mum!


----------



## TinyLynne

We will be. I have no idea how far away it is.... But we will be. I'm just not sure how to make it that long. But it is really nice to have people that really do understand the feeling. 

I hope you feel better soon dear. I'm always up for chatting and venting if you want.


----------



## fairyy

Jessie when is AF due ? Hope brown is just old blood making it's way out.


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Could it be implantation spotting? Sounds about the right time. Xx


----------



## jessieles

I think im out! Bfn yesterday and stronger cramps today, still a bit of spotting.

I find it all soooooooo frustrating, im past being upset now im just angry, we are doing everything we are told, taking clomid, having sex as much as poss and now im going on to cycle 5 on clomid, why isnt it working again!! and if one more person tells me its because im not relaxin ill kill them haha!

i have no new plans, just start cycle 5 and carry on doing what we are doing, i dnt think thers nethin else we can do really!

How are you guys all doing anyway? :hugs:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Sorry to hear that Jessieles. How many dpo are you? 
I am apparently 15dpo so waiting on the witch. BFN all round! I have pain in where I imagine my ovaries to be but that's nothing new. I have had awful cramps this cycle throughout and the Clomid has really messed me up this month. I am CD35 so Clomid didn't work. 
I am so frustrated, angry even. It seems like I put so much hope into it and it's made this month worse. I just want AF to hurry up so that I can move on. 
I feel like I've known from the start really that it didn't work. When I didn't get positive OPKs for ages after taking it and then BFN everyday I knew it was a bust. It's been a torturous wait for AF and she still isn't here, yet. I am hoping she will show later today and get on with it. 

I hope the spotting is implantation and not AF for you. Xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Wow, I sound so moany! I do feel miserable so hopefully that's a sign she is just around the corner. Xx


----------



## jessieles

No you dont atall hun! I feel exactly the same, just angry! why is everyone getting pregnant and its so hard for people like us who want it so bad!! im honestly thinking about pipettes/sringes too for the days when dh is struggling! part of me thinks maybe the swimmers just arent getting there!

so will you just take clomid agen now when af starts? are you having bloods done? xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

When AF comes I will start it again. Hopefully this month I will get a follicle scan. If not, I will be going to the GP for a post ovulation blood check. 
I am so fed up of this month now. It has dragged on and on. I am really crampy so hopefully AF will show up today. It usually comes in the morning, but I guess anything is possible with Clomid. 
I have realised, that Clomid will give so many 'symptoms' and trick us. I could scream and shout right now. I feel so mad and let down by my body. :-( 

I really hope this month is your month. I don't wish this horrible journey on anyone. Xx


----------



## TinyLynne

I'm sorry Hun. Believe me, I totally get the anger. I've stopped being sad and just being angry and I hate it. 

Have you tried BD every other day to give the swimmers a chance to build up, and do it from beginning of the cycle? what about Preseed? I'm 2/2 with it even though I make enough EWCM. Also, I started making sure that I Orgasm after we BD, I read this somewhere, and I didn't use Preseed this cycle, but I did manually make sure I Orgasmed after he was done, and something worked to get them together. I was only 1 for 6 without Preseed before.

I really hope you find what works for you!!


----------



## jessieles

Yeh we usually bd every other day throughout the month, i used pre seed previously but dh didnt really like it so we stopped. the first month on clomid i caught, and that month we just bd every other day so we have just continued with that really!

teeny- try and be kind to yourself, have a few days of doing what makes you happy and then well be back to starting all over agen xx


----------



## fairyy

Oh Jess I seriously can't believe that this cycle isn't a BFP cycle. 

Come on BFP !!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

^^^ What fairyy said! Good luck. Xx


----------



## fairyy

How are you Jess ?


----------



## jessieles

Heya hun. Im ok. Af came full force this weekend so back to clomid agen. 2 cycles left argh! I feel ok. I think im at the point now where i dont cry anymore im kinda numb about it all. So back to bd eod and seeing what happens. Its so frustrating that my eggs r getting better every month n nothings happenin grrr. How r u? Xx


----------



## fairyy

Sorry Jessie. I am angry too. Why do we have to go through these pain month after month ! I am hoping a BFP for you within next two cycles.

Btw how long your cycles are ? Are they getting shorter after you started clomid ?


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I'm sorry to hear the witch got you Jessie. 
It seems we are both on the same schedule. I only have 2 more months on Clomid. I pray you get a BFP before then. Xx

AFM, FF changed my ovulation day and so I am still waiting. If AF shows Friday it will have been a 6 week cycle. :-( if she doesn't show, then I will be off to the GP for something to bring my period.


----------



## jessieles

I am feelin really determined now and so is dh which is good! I am going to do everything i can to catch within these 2 cycles, i really dont want ovary drilling and i defo dont want to go on the ivf waiting list.
So i have b6, evening primrose oil, folic acid, clomid, concieve plus and this month i have even got sringes for the days dh struggles with another bd session! 

I did used to have 31 day cycles pal but the last few have been 28 days!

teeny- lets try and get this within the next 2 months!!:hugs:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I am going to try to get to the GP today for some provera. I don't see the point in wasting time on this cycle anymore. 

You seem to have everything in hand. You can do this! Good luck. Xx


----------



## fairyy

When are you going for fertility reflexology ? It is for this cycle right ?!


----------



## PrincessTaz

I'm so sorry af got you, it's so crap! It's so horrible when we put so much into ttc and then af comes. 

Sounds like this cycle all the stops are coming out, I really really hope you get your sticky bfp!


----------



## jessieles

Teeny- howd the GP go?

Pal- yeh it was meant to be tonight but i think its a waste of time at this point in my cycle so im gonna try and change it for before o!

Taz- thanks hun, im feeling determined haha!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Thanks for asking. What a waste of time! I waited an hour and fifteen minutes past my appointment time to be told he couldn't prescribe anything and I would have to call the consultants secretary. Which I did, explained my problem of annovulation as its been nearly 6 weeks since last AF. She asked had I done a HPT? Yes, millions! Did I use FMU? Of course, I'm a TTC veteran! lol 
She then says perhaps it did work. No lady, it didn't. My LP is 14 days. If I did indeed ovulate on CD27 that was nothing to do with the Clomid! Clomid works if ovulation occurs up to 14 days after the last tablet. I was a bit cross by now! 
So, it turns out that she may be able to get me a provera prescription next Monday if AF hasn't shown. Not much help really! Still stuck in limbo. 

The only good thing to report is that I had a huge temp drop this morning so hopefully that means AF is on the way. 

I might only take 50mg next cycle and see how I get on. I have had so many pains in my tummy and ovaries this month that I feel perhaps it overstimulated them which caused the problems. I don't know. If they had scanned me or at least given me a blood test I would have known. I feel like they left me high and dry. 

Are you on tablet taking CD now honey? Xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Obviously I didn't speak to her like that! But that's what I meant when talking! lol xx


----------



## TinyLynne

That sounds absolutely frustrating Teeny. I was getting angry just reading it! I hope AF comes any day now.


----------



## jessieles

omg how annoying!! :growlmad:

i hope af comes before that for u so u can move on to the next cycle, when ur ttc everyday counts doesnt it! 50mg sounds like a plan if u wer in discomfort! it works for me!

im on cd3 now so taking clomid again.booo.

ive decided to go for my fertility reflexology after all, its actually tomorrow so maybe itll jus relax me ready for the month ahead


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Do let us know how the reflexology goes. I'm hoping it does the trick. I guess at this stage anything is worth a shot. 
If I could afford it, I would try acupuncture. I've heard good things about this too. 

You are right about every day counting. I feel like it has been such a waste of 6 weeks. At least a 4 week cycle is better even with a BFN. I should in theory been gearing up to ovulate again for cycle 2 had my body behaved! I just need to let this cycle go and move on. For that I need closure with AF. Of course, I always wonder perhaps this could be our month, however small the chance. That hope drives me crazy when I think logically. But what is logic when TTC?! 

Enjoy your week ladies. Xx


----------



## mirandaprice

Are your drs not willing to try a higher dose of clomid, jessie?


----------



## jessieles

Teeny- ive heard good things about accupuncture too! your right there is absolutely no logic when it comes to ttc!

miranda- my blood work is showing that i ovulate really well on 50mg so there wouldnt be any benefit from upping the dosage xx


----------



## jessieles

So last night was a bit of a disaster!

I was all fine in the day, clomid makes me a little hormonal but apart from that i was fine. I'm finding my worklife a slight struggle as the 3 girls i work with have babies and 1 is pregnant, due on the same day i would be. but ive learnt to just plod along.
so neway i went for reflexology, which was emotional as i had to talk about everything from the start, how i was feeling, the details of the miscarriage etc. it was very relaxing then when the session started and after an hour i did feel very calm and relaxed. howver, then she said she would recommend weekly sessions, this would be £120 a month and not feesible at the moment. so i went home thinking about it, had a hot bath n tried to switch my mind off from it all.
Then dh comes home from football to tell me one of our closest friends is pregnant, with her second child. both of these pregnancies have happend since weve been trying for number 1. and this is a couple that we spend a lot of time with, and have things planned for the summer to take my mind off ttc. well now well just be talking pregnancies. so for some reason i started crying and just couldnt stop for the rest of the evening.
this ended up in a row with dh as he was saying he just doesnt understand why im crying, i should be happy for them. men just dont get it. of course im happy for her, i wasnt crying for her i was crying for me. arghhhh!!!


----------



## TinyLynne

Im so sorry Jessie, I almost started cried just reading this. I completely understand why you are upset. I would be too. I hope that your husband can understand it too. 

Like I tell a lot of the ladies on here, it's too bad we don't all live closer, we could have our venting parties together. 

I know that there isn't anything to say except that some day it will happen for us, it has to. I hope you feel better soon.


----------



## PrincessTaz

Aww Jessie, massive :hugs:

I tally understand where you're coming from, a lot of us on here have been there too and we feel guilty enough without other making us feel even more guilty! I've cried at the news of so many pregnancies, it's not that I'm not happy for them but I'm sad for me. 

When I had my mmc at 10 weeks a girls I worked with had the exact same due date as me. When I lost the baby I just couldn't even bare seeing her, I changed my shifts at work and everything. 

Hopefully your oh will start to understand more why you are upset, I'd try again to explain to him when you're less upset. You're allowed to feel like that, it's normal. When I was ttc my first it took 5 years and at the assisted conception waiting room they had a poster and it said 'The only thing that hurts more than having a baby is not being able to have a baby ' It's so true. 

I do believe you will get your rainbow baby though, you respond really well to the clomid which is great.


----------



## jessieles

Awww thanks girls, its so nice having people that understand!!:flower::hugs:


----------



## TinyLynne

That is such a true statement PrincessTaz. I wanted to tell my BFF that as she was telling me all through her labor how much labor sucked (and she had a much quicker problem free one than most people) but I would never have actually said it to her. I just thought it...

You should not feel bad about the way you feel Jessie, unfortunately most people don't understand it. Unfortunately for all of us, we do... 

Super hugs!


----------



## fairyy

I do feel the same way when I get the pregnancy news from friends. Many are having their second and here we are struggling to even have one. 

Men don't understand these deep emotions. This is so hard. I am glad we have this group where we can vent anything we want to and get the support. <3

About fertility reflexology I don't think you have to go there every week. Just do what you are doing. You got your BFP that way and you will get your sticky one too by doing the same. :hugs:


----------



## TinyLynne

YouTube the reflexology and have your DH do it! I had mine do that last month, lol.


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Thinking of you Jessie. Xx


----------



## jessieles

Hi Girlies! :flower:

Tiny- i actually suggested to dh he just watches a clip and copies haha. how u doin?

Pal- thanks hun, how u getting on?

Teeny-:hugs:

The weekend wasnt as bad as I thought, i did have to sit with all the other women whilst they discussed kids which is hard when your the only one without any but still it was a nice weekend. Im cd9 today so getting ready to go for it for a week or so! I wish we cud do fertile week then a day of tww and back to fertile week haha!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I'm CD4 here and will start to BD when the witch leaves the building! 
I like the fertile week part, I feels like we are doing something productive. 
FX'd you catch the egg this month honey. 
It's good to hear you enjoyed your weekend too. Xx


----------



## TinyLynne

CD5 here. Hoping I ovulate like a normal person with the Femara this month!


----------



## fairyy

I like the idea of fertile week and then day of TWW and then again fertile week. ;) I don't want TWW or AF. I can manage with only a week of TWW though but I go crazy the last week before AF anticipating the outcome of the cycle. 

Cd2 for me. My plan is to start BD as soon as I see fertile cm. If I don't see any then will start from cd13 as I am ovulating late from last two cycles. 

Good luck to all of us getting August BFPs.


----------



## jessieles

Ooohh we arent all far apart then really, i have everything crossed that we will get our August bfps!! 

I am feeling really positive this month, we were really struggling to bd, my dh has literally put so much pressure on hisself that we lost all motivation. so this month i suggested getting sringes and using them on the days we wer struggling, so far its worked a treat, dh is really relaxed, hes happy to bd without the pressure of having to finish in me, so hes ended up using the sringes everyday so far, and i feel really positive as im able to push the swimmers right up by the cervix and hardly any come out like they do with bd, im convinced by uterus is tilted. so either way through bd or sringes we will be getting swimmers up ther nearly every day! we should have done it before. i know some people dont agree with insemination but at this point ill try anything! and the success stories on here speak for themselves!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I have a friend that had to inseminate due to her DH having a back problem and unable to DTD. After 9 months, that was the month she got her BFP! 
I think that is a great idea. If it takes away the stress and gets the swimmers there that can only be a good thing. Xx


----------



## fairyy

That sounds interesting. I think it is better than actual BD. 

I have come across Stork OTC. What do you ladies think ? Is it good ? 
https://www.storkotc.com/success-stories/


----------



## jessieles

Pal- i wish id done it months ago!! we r so much more relaxed!thers no pressure when you dtd to finish! dh literally wants to use it everynight as he believes itll work, hardly any comes back out like with intercourse and i think half my problem is the fact they arent getting ther. time will tell i spose! are you looking at getting that? looks good!

Teeny- fingers crossed! how are you doing?


----------



## fairyy

Jessie would like to educate me more about that insemination process ? May be msg me or something. I think your chances are great this time. 

I agree I also feel that a lot comes our after BD. So I am trying to BD at night but then stuff comes out in the morning when I use the bathroom.


----------



## jessieles

Ive sent you a facebook request xxx


----------



## jessieles

So i have no clue if this will work or not but at this stage im not saying no to any ideas, dh is convinced this insemination will work this month. he is loving it haha, so far we have inseminated on day 7, bd day 8, and then inseminated on 9,10,12 and 13 so far. we will just keep going now as often as he wants. he wants to also inseminate on days 15,16 and 17!


----------



## fairyy

That sounds awesome.


----------



## TinyLynne

Sounds like lots of fun!


----------



## jessieles

So I am cd16 today, potentially I think im in the tww, i thought i ovulated around day 17 but saturday i had really strong pains on my right side, which felt like ovulation pains. I am quite excited this month as i took evening primrose oil for the first time and i had ewcm yesterday which i havent really experienced before! We are also much less stressed as instead of arguing about needing to bd, dh has wantin to have fun more often as the pressure has been off! 
So we either bd or inseminated on cd 7,8,9,12,13,14 and 15. Dh wants to cover 17 and 19 too. I reallyhope this works as I will be a nutcase next month otherwise, knowing its my last cycle on clomid!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I think you have a great shot this month Jessie. Without the pressure, you are both obviously more relaxed which can only be a good thing. 
I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you. Good luck. Let's hope this is your month. Xx


----------



## jessieles

thanks hun, i know i maybe completely positive for nothing but weve defo been more relaxed! howa u doin this cycle hun? x


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I'm good thank you. Just waiting for ovulation whenever that happens to be. I am only temping, no OPKs or anything. Just taking a break from all the stress. I have no ICs in the house so no testing early this month. 
Just DTD whenever we feel like it. Xx


----------



## jessieles

That sounds good! opks always made me stress!


----------



## TinyLynne

Sounds like you have the bases covered! Awesome work Jessie! Can't wait to follow your TWW!


----------



## PrincessTaz

I also think you have an amazing chance this cycle. There's definitely plenty of :spermy: waiting for that egg lol. I really hope this is the cycle for you! Glad you and your dh have found it a lot less stressful too, the stresses of BDing are horrible. I've been so mean to my oh in the past and I've hater myself for it after.


----------



## jessieles

Thanks girls, I really hope i got the swimmers in the correct area haha x


----------



## Babylove100

Got everything crossed for you for this cycle!! Fed sounds like you have all bases covered!!x


----------



## mirandaprice

So glad you two are less stressed about the process; insemination sounds like a good idea.

I've read a few journals with ladies that have inseminated and it worked, I have everything crossed for you! I hope this is your sticky bfp!


----------



## jessieles

Thanks girls :hugs: god i hope so!!


----------



## jessieles

As usual the 2ww is making me a lunatic, im googling again, loving reading insemination success stories. i just hope weve done it all correctly!


----------



## fairyy

I totally relate to the stress of BD around ovulation. Glad you were more relaxed this time around and you both liked the insemination. I hope that we will get to see your BFP in few days :)

Here I am still waiting for fertile time.:sleep:


----------



## jessieles

time for you bd fun to begin :happydance: what cd are you? xx


----------



## fairyy

Cd12 today and ewcm appeared this morning. Seems I am going to ovulate around cd15/16. I am so happy. My cycle is almost back to normal:happydance:

We had a failed attempt to BD last night. More about that flop show on my journal. Lol :haha:

I am eagerly waiting for your to POAS ;) This cycle should result in a BFP for you.


----------



## jessieles

woohoo, at least u know where you are!

Ill have a look at your journal now.

I am really trying not to symptom spot, dh is adamant this is our month but after this long you learn not to get your hopes up!

Its that time of month again, progesterone levels today so i should have the results this afternoon, hopefully its a strong egg and the swimmer is there!! im a bit of a control freak needing to know the numbers haha


----------



## TinyLynne

So you must be close to testing!!!!


----------



## jessieles

So this time im unable to get any numbers as the new dr is only able to tell me if ive ovulated or not which apparently i have according to my bloods. i am a bit of a control freak liking to know my exact levels tho :haha:

im still only cd20 so a week away from testing yet xx


----------



## TinyLynne

If they have the numbers, why wouldn't they give them to you? That's silly! 

Hope your day is going well!


----------



## PrincessTaz

They must have the numbers if they know you ovulated! Can't see why they wouldn't just tell you about it, it is silly. Wishing you all the luck in the world for testing!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Good luck for next weeks testing honey. Xx


----------



## jessieles

I know, hopefully Ill get them today. Im now cd23 so ill be testing in 5 days, i dont have any symptoms atall tho and dont feel pregnant in my gut. i just hope with all my heart i get a bfp, the pressure next month with it being my last cycle on clomid will be horrible otherwise! god i wish you had control over this!

How are the rest of you doing? xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Good morning Jessie. Finally got my crosshairs which shows ovulation on CD15. Last month was CD27 so I am a happy bunny! 
Not testing this month unless AF doesn't show as I am tired of wasting tests. 
Next month is also my last month so the pressure is on too. I don't feel hopeful but at least we have it a good shot. 
I hope the next 5 days pass quickly. Xx


----------



## jessieles

at least your cycles are looking better, no i always think that, god knows how much ive wasted on tests.

ok so i jus had my test results..... cycle 1 on clomid was 35, cycle 2 50, cycle 3 45, cycle 4 i think was 40odd, ive just had my progesterone for cycle 5................128!! what does that mean? why would it have gone so high??


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Because you're pregnant! 
Seriously, high progesterone can indicate a BFP. Xxx


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## jessieles

aaaaarrrgh. do not get your hopes up jessica!


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## Teeny Weeny

It also means that you more than likely released more than one egg! 
I can't wait for your testing day. Xx


----------



## jessieles

i may have to get some cheapies and jus feed my poas addiction and then use an frer on the weekend if i have any doubts!


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## TinyLynne

It could mean either of those things for sure! I have good hopes for this cycle for you! 

As for me, first cycle in femara, not sure I will ovulate. CD19 and still getting lows and no cm or O pains. 

But those are some seriously good numbers girl!!


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## fairyy

Jessie numbers look great :thumbup:
Oh you think you have released more than one egg ?! How exciting !! 

I am so excited for you Jessie :happydance:


----------



## jessieles

hmmm im not getting too excited yet, we all know how this rollercoaster suddenly drops when you think ur on the up!

tiny- you must be so frustrated!! I hope you o soon :hugs:

pal- apparently anything over 120 means multiple eggs! bit weird when that hasn't happened b4, I jus hope 1 was fertilised. xx


----------



## jessieles

Im feeling really anxious today. i always get like this just before af arrives, i think its because im absolutely terrified of not getting a bfp again. i really thought clomid would be the answer to everything and i cannot believe that im goin to be starting my last cycle within a week and im not pregnant!

Im really feeling sorry for myself today, it is so frustrating when there is nothing you can do about it, dh was kissin my belly las night saying pleeeeease be in there. we dont smoke, we dont drink very often, we have a solid relationship, i made sure we got married first and still nothing, yet other ppl get pregnant at the drop of a hat. the thought of this surgery and ivf whilst more ppl around me announce their pregnancies is terryfing. 

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. rant over.


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Try not to stress. Easier said than done. How many DPO are you? Testing must be soon and you may get a pleasant surprise. Don't write this cycle off just yet honey. 
You know the Clomid is doing its job... You are ovulating well. There is evidence to suggest that the after effects of clomid can help you ovulate too even after finishing the tablets so all is not lost. 
Thinking of you. Xx


----------



## TinyLynne

Teeny is right. You know the meds are working! Hold on to hope, even if there is only a thread of it right now. 

You just made me tear up that DH did and said that. Mine has done that too and it's so sweet.


----------



## fairyy

Your DH being so sweet Jess. Don't get upset. The outcome will be so good this time around. I totally agree with what Teeny Weeny said. See your numbers are amazing this time. :)


----------



## jessieles

I always get like this just before af, i think its because during your fertile time you can take control about how many times you bd etc but at this point ther is nothing you can do but wait. No spotting or bad af pains yet, just slight cramps. roll on friday!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Is AF due Friday or is that testing day? Xx


----------



## jessieles

af is due sunday, i got my bfp when i was preggers on cd29 and that will be friday :wacko:


----------



## fairyy

Good luck for testing on Friday :dust:

You don't have to worry in this TWW. I agree you don't have any control over TWW but you have done your very best in the fertile period. You have had plenty of swimmers in there to fertilize the egg or eggs in fact.:p


----------



## Pickletilly

Come on Friday!!!! :D


----------



## jessieles

So i had a really strong dream of a bfp las night and woke up thinking, wot diff can 1 day make and stupidly took my only good test. big fat negative! im cd26 today, af due in 4 days according to my app, even tho that wud be cd29 and i usually have 31 day cycles. so now im half thinking its too early and half thinking af will arrive.

my pros:

progesterone levels 128
no af pains or spotting
inseminated most days

my cons:
im clearly infertile!


so now im feeling mega sorry for myself today, i may not test again now until sunday as its a total waste otherwise. with my bfp i got that on cd29 so ill wait until then.

i actually cant wait to finish clomid now and stop ttc!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Day 26 of a 31 cycle is still really early Jessie. It's definately not over yet. 
Every month as AF approaches we all feel sad, angry and upset. It feels like all our hard work was for nothing and it will never happen. 
The point is, it will happen... We just don't know when. As you say, in the 2WW there is no control and that is hard to accept. 

Please don't count yourself out yet. 
If this wasn't your month (which I'm still convinced it is!) then next month is a brand new and exciting opportunity. A new cycle, a new egg, a new chance. 

Thinking of you. Xx


----------



## jessieles

Thanks hun, i am really strugglin this month. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I think we all do every month. But this month if you don't get that BFP, you know you only have one more shot with clomid. 
Please try not to stress and worry too much. Hormones are raging at this time every month too... Albeit pregnancy or AF. 
Keeping my FX'd for this month. Xx


----------



## TinyLynne

What is most important is how many DPO you are. Do you know what day you ovulated? And just because you got a bfp on a certain day once doesn't mean the next pregnancy will be the same. My first I got a bfp at 9 DPO, the second wasn't until 11 or 12. Keep your chin up girl!


----------



## jessieles

Thanks girls!

i havent a clue, i didnt opk. I know i had o pains on sat 1st, which is 13 days ago, im not sure if that means i o'd that day or after or what. ill just hang on til sunday. the only odd thing for me is im not spotting and i dont have af pains but that may be me clinging!


----------



## Pickletilly

Hun I tested on cd30 of a 33 day cycle, and it was so faint, and that's with double hormones.. I think that shows you how unpredictable the results can be. Everyone is different. Fx xxxxx


----------



## fairyy

You aren't out sweetie<3

You might have ovulated little late this time and this is early for that BFP to show up. I am still hopeful for you. 

I know what you are going through. But this time will pass and pain will fade away once you get your sticky BFP. I am sure you aren't that far from this beautiful feeling.


----------



## jessieles

So I started spotting las night, looks like its just not meant to be. 
Yesterday I had a melt down and told dh im not taking clomid anymore and that i wanted to stop ttc but he said what is the point in not taking the last cycle.

So my plan now, is one last cycle of clomid and just carry on as usual.

Then if no bfp, take a break for a month, my ovarian drilling should be within 6-8 weeks and then weve decided to book a holiday of a lifetime. Then i suppose its just seeing what happens after the surgery and go on the ivf waiting list. I need to get my head around the fact it may not be right now. 

Im just struggling with the fact that all i wanted was clomid, every1 told me 'oooh when ur on clomid ull b preggers in no time' but now im taking my last cycle. Why did i have to catch and lose it the first month? :cry:

Im also going to book an appt with my obgyn to discuss the fact its not working, my progersterone being so high and id like her to have a good look at dh sa.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## fairyy

Oh no hunni. 

I don't understand why clomid isn't working it's magic for you when it did on the first cycle. Your numbers show that you are ovulating well. You are covering your fertile window perfectly with plenty and plenty of swimmers. Seriously WTH :growlmad:

But why they want you to go for IVF, why no IUI before that ?

Hope clomid works for you this last cycle as it did on the first cycle!


----------



## jessieles

I have no clue as to why its not working, I seem to be ovulating really well but something is getting in the way! No af yet just still spotting, so will just wait it out.

They haven't mentioned iui, my ovarian drilling will be first, my pre op assessment in 24th aug so thatll be about 6 weeks away then.

Teeny- Can I just ask, my obgyn hasn't really given me much info about this ovarian drilling but I know you've had it b4, is it because we don't ovulate without help? like even tho I ovulate well on clomid like u do. im jus concernd as she sed I don't have pcos and obv I don't ovulate alone so I don't really get was this will do?


----------



## jessieles

So AF really has it in for me this month :cry:

I have really struggled with it all this weekend, probably the hormones.

So im just going to focus on mine and dh's little trip to London in 11 days and try and not focus on this last month on clomid too much. Then when we get back itll b preperation for surgery xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

jessieles said:


> I have no clue as to why its not working, I seem to be ovulating really well but something is getting in the way! No af yet just still spotting, so will just wait it out.
> 
> They haven't mentioned iui, my ovarian drilling will be first, my pre op assessment in 24th aug so thatll be about 6 weeks away then.
> 
> Teeny- Can I just ask, my obgyn hasn't really given me much info about this ovarian drilling but I know you've had it b4, is it because we don't ovulate without help? like even tho I ovulate well on clomid like u do. im jus concernd as she sed I don't have pcos and obv I don't ovulate alone so I don't really get was this will do?

I don't think I've heard of anyone without PCOS having this procedure. It's not to say it won't work for you. However, I seriously advise that you talk to your consumer,rant about the benefits it will have to you in order to make sure that it's not an unnecessary procedure. 
I do have PCOS so I understand how it helps me. I'm sure they think it will, but just check as to the reasons why. 

Sorry AF got you. Xx:hugs:
Do you have one more round of Clomid? Xx


----------



## jessieles

Thats what I thought, she said I tick 2 out of 3 boxes for PCOS, i dont have any cysts though, it did say this on a website earlier

'For women who do not respond to treatment with medicine, such as clomiphene, about 50% of them may be able to become pregnant after they have ovarian drilling surgery.' 

but i dont have pcos and i am responding to treatment!

I am now on my last cycle of clomid!


----------



## jessieles

Ive just sent an e-mail to the secretary saying i dont think i qualify for this surgery, she point blank told me at my last appt 'you dont have pcos' and im responsing to clomid, i see the biggest side effect is early menopause so im not gonna put myself through that unless i 100% need to!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I think it's good you have emailed them. I would have a thorough talk with them before deciding.
Has your OH had his semen analysis done? Xx


----------



## jessieles

Yeah he had it done back in October last year and it came back normal. Im gonna ask my obgyn to review it again though, although i suppose it must be ok as ive been pregnant 2ice by him xx


----------



## fairyy

So sorry for AF Jessie. Holding hope that this last cycle of clomid will do thr trick for you. If not then don't lose hope. One way or the other it will surely happen. 

Focus your trip to London and have fun.


----------



## jessieles

My head is frazzled at the moment :wacko:

I had decided the other day I wasnt having the op and I was gonna ask for more clomid and then potentially look at ivf.

But i emailed a fertility clinic yesterday and they agreed on ovarian drilling being the next step, so I'll wait to speak to the dr next Monday about the surgery and if they assure me that the risks are low then ill go for it. 

Then im not sure what happens.

Weve been looking at holidays though as i defo need a break.

The answer to all my prayers would be this next round of clomid working, but I cant seem to drag myself out of the blues at the moment, i have no motivation to bd or get my hopes up or ttc atall! This month has defo been the hardest!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I feel exactly the same. I have my hopes pinned in my next round of Clomid as then it means surgery too. 
I hope and pray we both get our September BFP and there will be no need for anything else. Xxx


----------



## jessieles

Lets do everything we can to make this the final round of ttc!!


----------



## fairyy

That's the spirit ladies. Wishing you both the very best in Septrmber.<3


----------



## jessieles

So Ive woken up feeling quite positive today.

I watched my wedding video last night and for the 1st time it made me cry, i was looking at myself thinking aw bless you have no idea of the heartache ahead. and i thought to myself i have to sort myself out, ive got myself into a right little rut and it needs changing. ive put on weight from where im constantly comfort eating, and i need to snap out of it.

Its like since my miscarriage ive just lot all my motivation. so things need to change, i spoke to dh las night n he promised to help me, i also deleted all my phone apps related to ttc so that i stop obsessing over what days we bd, i need to help myself relax. 

So ive woken up full of motivation :haha: i need to get back to the old me. Thers nothing to say that ill be pregnant for a while yet and i cant keep wasting life being miserable and obsessive.

So my plans is

Healthy eating and move more
Try to relax about ttc, enjoy my dh and no more tracking anything
Enjoy my trip to London next week
Prepare for surgery

:happydance:


----------



## Babylove100

Ah that's a great attitude!! Good for you!!!!! 

Ps - just so you know there's a tube strike in London Tues-Fri. Rubbish. Xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Love your new avatar and approach Jessie. 
I think stress and mood are directly related to long term TTC. All we focus on is getting pregnant. Pinning our hopes every month on it just to see those two beautiful lines. The disappointment becomes too much and overwhelms us. 
I am at the overwhelmed and upset stage at the moment as I am awaiting AF. Positivity will come for me as I take my medication and I will be full of new hope for my next cycle. However, I will try like you to remain positive. 
Positive that it will happen, but I just can't control when. 

You talk wise words and it's great to see you feeling better. Enjoy your break to London, it will be fab. I live a 20 min train from London but don't visit very often. Perhaps I will soon and take the children to enjoy the sight too. 

I wish you all the best this month. Xxx


----------



## jessieles

Babylove- ooooh thats good to know, thanks hun, I hope you are well.

Teeny- Its the hardest time Ive ever gone through, and ppl who havent been thru it just dont get it. One of my closest friends came over the other eve and shes single and doesnt want kids, and i said aw its really hard,one of my closest mates is pregnant again, her second since ive been trying and she replied 'its not a competition jess'. and i thort y do i even try to get her to understand.
i know its hard but lets do r best to try and relax :hugs:


----------



## TinyLynne

I'm so glad for your new outlook. I'm going to delete mine too then! I got a tattoo a few weeks ago that says "it does it do to dwell on dreams and forget to live" so that's what I've been trying to do. It's hard though. 

I'm so sorry your friend said that, she obviously has no clue!


----------



## jessieles

aw that is a lovely sentiment! it is hard, even when ur tryin to relax ur thinkin mayb ill get pregnant now im relaxed which kinda defeats the object hahaha!


----------



## TinyLynne

It is hard. I keep failing at it. Lol. Relaxing definitely affects ovulation, as I think that is why I'm on day 30 and no O yet! So in a way, it can affect fertility.


----------



## fairyy

I absolutely love your attitude:thumbup:


----------



## jessieles

I went for my pre op yesterday, the nurse there only discussed a lap and dye, she had no details of ovarian drilling, which would make sense seeing as i dont have pcos or irregular periods. so ive emailed the consultant to check this is correct. if so it looks like im just having a lap and dye :happydance:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Great news. I hear lots of women getting BFPs after this procedure. 
I see you have joined another thread I'm on.  xx


----------



## jessieles

well, i feel like i can relax a bit now, the ovarian drilling was worrying me as i didnt fit the criteria.

I have indeed, its nice to have a group of people who actually understand how it feels!


----------



## fairyy

This is good news Jess. 

It feels so good to see you relaxed and calm.


----------



## PrincessTaz

I must admit I was a little baffled about the ovarian drilling! I had the lap and dye and it's not too bad and I felt fine after a few days, maybe just a little sore. I also got my bfp after although on clomid too but I think that helped and also heard lots of other women say the same.

I think your attitude is great, sometimes a break away from all the stress of actively ttc is much needed. I really hope with the lap and dye and being more relaxed you do get that sticky bfp x


----------



## jessieles

Thanks girls, its a nice feeling, dh said to me yesterday we need to bd tomoro as fertile time begins, and i hadnt even thort about it!

Taz- oooh thats good to know, im actually looking forward to getting it done as im praying itll help!


----------



## jessieles

I am back from London, had a fab time.

I really haven't thort about ttc, I have no idea what day I am on, I think its about cd14 today. we have had sex 3 times so far, once back last weekend, once on weds and once yesterday, I think I shud b o'ing about tomorrow but I haven't had any pains n we have no plans to bd tonight. I dunno what has happened to my brain but I think im officially done with it all. im numb about ttc, maybe this is what I need!


----------



## jessieles

So it hit me today that im in part 2 of the tww and Ive not even realised. I had the worst pains for 3 days afta ovulation, im wondering if ive hyperovulated again. but im just glad that the stress of clomid will be over in a week!


----------



## TinyLynne

Wow! You are already in the TWW again?? That seems quick! Glad it's flying by for you! When do you test?


----------



## jessieles

I am in the tww, due on in 5 days. I have no plans to test. We have bd 3 or 4 times the whole month. 

I actually feel happier than I have in 2 years, I dont know why, I have hand on heart reached the point of being done with it all. Last night me and dh booked the trip of a lifetime, used all our savings on a week in new york just before xmas. Ive finally taken every1s advice and stopped putting my life on hold. My clomid is now finished, I know I have my lap and dye in around 4 weeks but apart from that I have no plans to have sex when i dont want too, to opk, Im quite gladly stopping it all now. Im just gonna go with the flow!


----------



## TinyLynne

That sounds wonderful Jess! That is absolutely the way to go. Don't put your life on hold! You are going to have such a great time in NYC!!!


----------



## mirandaprice

I'm glad to hear you're not feeling stressed about it anymore!

A week in NY right before Christmas sounds wonderful! I love NY around that time of year, it's always so beautiful with all the decorations!


----------



## PrincessTaz

I'm glad that after everything you finally feel in a good place. A trop to NY around Christmas sounds absolutely amazing! You will have an awesome time! X


----------



## Babylove100

Ah so glad to hear you sounding so happy and stress free!!! Sounds like the perfect plan to me and I don't think I'll be too far behind you. I'm sure the stress of opks and timing bd don't help things, going with the flow sounds much more fun!!

And wow, that trip sounds amazing! Good for you!!!x


----------



## jessieles

Thanks girls. It sure is nice not feeling teary all the time!


----------



## jessieles

So I started spotting today and even though all month Ive hardly thought of ttc, its made me really sad. I suppose its hit me that I spent all that money to get clomid, pinning all my hopes on it, got my bfp 1st cycle, miscarried and here I am with no bfp and clomid has finished. I cant quite believe clomid hasnt worked for me since. I wonder why it did on the 1st cycle and not since. But im determined to keep positive and not let myself slip down in that depression again! So onto my lap and dye it is! I just wonder as theyve mentioned no more clomid, will i go back to not ovulating?


----------



## TinyLynne

I've heard that femara has helped people who didn't succeed on Clomid, maybe they can try that?


----------



## jessieles

Still feeling really sad today. Ive decided to use the blood form I have left from last month to have my bloods done this month instead, that way I can find out if I ovulate now without clomid. Today is the first cd2 with no clomid! My friend has given me 2 months of hers, but Im gonna use them after my lap and dye incase my obgyn wont give me any more. I have read all about Femara too, i'll mention that at my next appt. I think id feel happier if i had a date for my lap and dye because now im just waiting and feel like im back at square 1. They said i should recieve a date anytime now. Taking forever!


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## mirandaprice

Could you call them up and inquire about a date?


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## jessieles

Ive tried but they just say you should have a letter soon :growlmad:


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## TinyLynne

That's so irritating Jess! I'm so sorry you are putting up with that! It's 2015! We don't wait for snail mail anymore! Lol. We need answers!


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## jessieles

I found this lovely website yesterday with infertility pieces of jewellery. Im quite sentimental (my house is full of cushions and things with quotes on) and they had gorgeous things. If you go on etsy.com and type in infertility jewellery, thers a business called soul cyster creations. A lady who has suffered from PCOS and 5 miscarriages makes the pieces. I treated myself to a little necklace with a pale blue pearl and a pale pink pearl and a coin with a dandelion blowing in the wind and it says "wishing for you" I thort it was lush!
There was also a gorgeous one saying "already in my heart, someday on my arms"

worth a look!


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## TinyLynne

Wow! That is so beautiful! I will definitely check it out Jess! Thanks for letting us know about it.


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## Teeny Weeny

Good morning Jessie.
Just checking in to see how you are doing? X


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## jessieles

Heya hun!

Howa are you?

Im ok, first cycle without clomid now, im praying this will have kick started ovulation and im still in with a chance. i had o kinda pains on sunday and we bd on Friday and Sunday. So who knows! Im not putting pressure on bding on certain days anymore. I did hear clomids side effect was no cm, so im hoping this month may be my month!

Whats going on with you? xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Well, I took my last Clomid in August and it didn't work. Apparently, I am only 3 dpo at CD39. This is later ovulation than without Clomid so it really has messed up my body this time. I'm unsure why but hopefully the FS next week can shed some light on it. 
I am feeling pretty fed up but at least I know my cycle will be coming to an end in the next 2 weeks. I've been in limbo so now I have ovulation hopefully confirmed I can relax. Luckily DH and I DTD all month long so hopefully we didn't completely miss the chance. 

If you are 2dpo then we are close in cycle. I really hope this month is it for both of us. 
Have you had surgery scheduled yet? Xx


----------



## jessieles

Fingers crossed we will both get our bfps this month!! I am feeling fed up too, i hate this ttc journey! Still havent had a surgery date! Doing my head in!


----------



## jessieles

So Im really struggling this week!

Its hit me that its October, I would be giving birth this month had I not miscarried. And yet im not even pregnant again! Ive finished clomid, im back to square 1 and I still dont have that bfp. I cant get over it.

Im still waiting for a date for the lap and dye but no one can give me one yet. I cant believe that Ive now lasted 25 months with this constant heartache, ive watched every1 around me get pregnant, give birth and some get pregnant again and Im still waiting! I feel like im in a constant state of grief.

I spent the weekend with another 3 day migraine and constant hunger, which has happend the majority of this month, so I stupidly took a test...obvious bfn as im only cd22. Plus we only bd on cd7,13 and 15 so itd be a bloody miracle!


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## Babylove100

Hey Jessie, I know exactly how your feeling, I've really been struggling lately too. I was so sure we'd both have our bfps but instead it seems everyone around me is falling pregnant. It's very hard at time. Always here if you need a chat/rant.xx


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## jessieles

Its hard isnt it hun, when we were both going through it all back in March, i felt really optimistic that wed be pregnant again real quick, i cant believe nothing has happened!


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## Babylove100

I know, it's a little bit soul destroying. As difficult as it is you have to stay positive, it will happen!xxx


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## mirandaprice

Big big :hugs:

I hope they get you a date soon for the lap and dye, and have some answers for you!


----------



## jessieles

Thanks girls, gonna be kind to myself tonight, dh is out so i intend to go home have a lovely bath, get my pjs on n cuddle on down!


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## Babylove100

Sounds like a great idea. Relax and enjoy.x


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I'm with you here Jessie and Babylove. Six months since the miscarriage and nothing. No chance of a BFP before my due date would have been and so feeling very sorry for myself! 
I would chase them up for a surgery date honey. FX'd it soon. Xx


----------



## fairyy

Hugs hunni. 

But don't get discouraged about your chance this cycle. I know a lady from bnb got pregnant only having sex once that month. She had a miscarriage few months back, so was depressed and not actually paying much attention to bd. 

Approaching would be due date is hard. I feel the pain sweetie. I hope you get a date for lap and dye soon. But don't drag yourself into being depressed. We all are with you:hugs:


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## jessieles

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jessieles

Well the last month i was on clomid and hat my progesterone checked it was 127, meaning i produced multiple eggs. I went for bloods yesterday to see if i ovulate without clomid and it was 40 (over 30 means ovulation has occured) so although its not multiple at least ive produced an egg this mont, god i hope that 1 swimmer from cd13 or 15 has done the job! what i would give!!


----------



## Babylove100

Got everything tightly crossed for you Jessie!!!


----------



## mirandaprice

Keeping everything crossed for you Jessie!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Fingers crossed Jessie. That is fab you ovulated on your own honey. 
I am praying those little swimmers hit there. Xx


----------



## jessieles

Tonight I am off to an open evening at a fertility clinic, two presentations from embryologists and then we get too wander around. I should have some ideas then of costs for iui, icsi, ivf, and then i can know what to save! Hopefully itll be interesting, i shall let you all know xx


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## Babylove100

Sounds great Jessie. Hope it all goes well tonight!


----------



## mirandaprice

Hope you learn a lot from the presentations!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

The open evening sounds fab. Have a great time and I hope you can find answers to costs etc. xxx


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## jessieles

Heya girls!

It was really interesting! A litle overwhelming, i found the whole thing really emotional!

But basically they were saying that if someone went to them saying they hadnt got pregnant theyd do :

Sperm Analysis (had that done)
Bloods day 1-3 and cd21 (had that done)
Ovary scan (had that done)
HSG/Laparoscopy (waiting for that) 
Then possibly clomid (had that)

so i know im doing things correctly, it was really interesting to hear that clomid isnt actually as effective as people think, the stats for a pregnancy on clomid r quite low.

I felt quite positive afterwards because when they were talking about ivf/icsi it nearly always stated no previous pregnancies, so because me and dh have caught together twice, now i really think that once ive had the lap and dye, ill know exactly whats going on and maybe a flush of the tubes is all i need.

Im cd27 today, so due af around cd29/30. I have really sore boobs and i am crampy, but as well all know this could mean af just as much as a bfp. so time will tell, im not gonna test, just wait for af!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Your symptoms sound very promising honey. I am keeping everything crossed for a BFP in a few days. :hugs: xx


----------



## TinyLynne

I completely understand the disappointment that comes after not being pregnant before your due date. To me, that day came and went like any other day. No more or less sad than the other days. 

We are looking at IVF too, started saving, but still can't get over the shock of the price without having a guarantee. 

I'm so glad you are Oing on your own! How wonderful that must feel! 

Thinking of you all at this difficult time!


----------



## jessieles

So I did a test friday, bfn, and today started spotting. had a really emotional weekend, very hormonal. I like having a plan, but i feel like at the moment i cant have 1 because everytime i think maybe this month ill give ttc all ive got, i then think but what if there is something wrong like a tube blocked or endo, and then im just wastin my time, setting myself up for a heartache. the only thing i need to make me feel positive is a date for my lap and dye, its a joke. my pre op assessment was 8 weeks ago now and they said id have a date by sept, yet when i ring they just tell me to wait for a letter! argh!!


----------



## Pickletilly

Hang in there Jess, doctors and hospitals are so bloody frustrating, it's like nobody ever communicates and they don't get a shit. I of course am holding onto hope for you, even just for some answers. You deserve this so much, it's hard to watch you go through this still. I am saving some champagne for when you get your dream! (No really, I actually have a mini (1 glass) sealed bottle, waiting). Just remember that you are still lucky to have options and one of them will achieve pregnancy. All my love to you two xxxxxx


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## jessieles

So, I have finally have a date for my lap and dye ....99% anyway!

Typical, I booked a holiday to take my mind of ttc and the first date they offer is whilst I'm away, so i rang and nagged for another date and was given 14th December. Fab because I land back from NYC ON 12th so I was thinking i can lie on my sofa watchin xmas movies with my tree sparkling haha. Then I read in my instruction book that you cannot be menstruating whilst having the lap and dye...checked my calendar and Im due the day before!!:growlmad:

So rang them up and they said no defo cant be bleeding whilst having the lap and dye and they dont have another date until next year! So I spoke to my GP to find out if he can prescribe me something to prevent a period and he wont do this without my Consultants permission. So now chasing this up! OMG when will anything ever be easy!!!!!!!


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## TinyLynne

Glad you got your date dear! Even though it sounded like the world was working against you, you held it together and figured it all out! 

You are going to have such a great vacation!!!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I hope you get that prescription and surgery can be scheduled for definite. It would be perfect, lovely holiday, taking it easy over Christmas and a great shot at TTC in the new year. Xx


----------



## Pickletilly

Jess can't you go on the pill to stop your period?? Like I used to do that for holidays..


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## jessieles

I dont have it anymore! Ive emailed the secratary asking for Noreistherone and she did say shed ask my Consultant to send a letter to the gp. so ive made an appt with 2nd nov with the gp. everything takes so long, im learning to be patient haha, when i email i like an answer the same day! I just cant see how peoples ops can be based on whether they r on, bcoz no1 asked me where in my cycle id b when the date was give, it was only that it was mentioned in my book, but some ppl dnt have regular cycles and whos to say ill come on on time?!


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## TinyLynne

So you still don't have an appointment?? So frustrating!


----------



## jessieles

My date is still 14th december, i just need to find someone to give me something to delay my period xx


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## jessieles

Ive decided im on a mission this cycle. Its my last full cycle before the lap and dye and we havent really ttc the last 2 months, this month im going to opk, bd as often as poss, use concieve plus, im back on the vitamins, im gonna try and do all i can to get that bfp!!

I am really struggling now with this whole journey, with the miscarriage, with it all. I have noticed that I am nothing like the person I used to be, i was always positive, happy in all situations, now i wake up and the first thing i think of is all this, Im emotional all the time, i could cry at the drop of a hat. Ive also become really sentimental, bought myself white lillies yesterday as my due date was tomorrow, im wearing my necklace all the time.

I sit and think to myself, you have a lovely home, a wonderful husband, new york planned, a lap and dye date, but i cant seem to get myself out of this black hole!


----------



## Babylove100

Jessie, you can buy noresthisterone online from Superdrug or Lloyds Pharmacy.

Got everything crossed for you that you don't need it and you get a bfp!!

Don't be too hard on yourself, it's a tough time and tomorrow being you edd won't be helping, take a deep breath and just smile, sounds silly but it really does help. :hugs:


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## TinyLynne

I totally understand that feeling Jessie. hope you feel better soon and that you never have to do the lap and dye!


----------



## Pickletilly

Hun you have control over your home, hubby and holiday. You don't over conceiving. I'm afraid you will probably feel like this until your bfp. There was a program on itv called first heartbeat, her body had killer cells and her journey was tough, but she made it. If you haven't seen it I do recommend, it's sad but might make you feel less alone :hugs:

So glad you have a date, I'm sure someone will help you out with stopping your period, even if I have to dig out my old bcp for you!


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## jessieles

Pickle- aww i watched it on friday eve, hubby was out, i had my chocolate and cried most of the way thru! good wasnt it! ive ordered 2 books 2day too which look really good, one called the pursuit of motherhood and one called waiting for daisy. Ive decided i cant pretend its all not real and i cant just snap out of it so i may aswell just go with the flow and may be be easier on myself.

Ive made an appt for 2nd nov with the gp so hopefully hell give me a prescription, i cant imagine a hospital of this size with such a long waiting list can cancel operations based on af arriving!

But its makin me feel better that i have a plan to get that bfp this month!


----------



## jessieles

So it seems I dont have a date for my lap and dye now. They wouldnt prescribe Norisetherone as they didnt wanna muck up my cycles. So back to waiting for a new date now!

In the mean time we are gonna continue to ttc naturally.

Its cd18 today, I've taken all my vitamins this month and we have bd on cd6, 9, 11, 13, 15 and 17. I have no idea if im even ovulating on my own though.


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Oh Jessie, that sucks. I really hope that a new appointment is sent quickly and you don't have to wait too much longer. Xx

Have you thought about temping? It really will help you know if you are ovulating. I started a few months back and even though ovulation was CD30+ I was able to see that I had from my chart. 
That BD schedule looks good so if you have ovulated you are in with a good shot. Xx


----------



## jessieles

I have decided to go to the gp this morning and get an ivf referral, i need to feel like im doing something and i may aswell be on the waiting list whilst im waiting for the lap and dye as its a long waiting list! feel quite excited actually.

In the mean time, cd20 today, af due in 10 days and we have bd cd6, 9, 11, 13, 15 and 17 and 20 so cudnt have done anymore this cycle!


----------



## Babylove100

Yay! Great to have a plan! Hope it goes well at your doctors appointment.

Great timing on the bd! Got everything crossed for you!!x


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Good luck at the doctors honey. You are moving in the right direction. 
Those BD days sound like they were timed perfectly. Good luck. Xxx


----------



## jessieles

Thanks girls.

I know the NHS is brilliant but when ttc its sooo slow and frustrating!

Ive been waiting 13 months for a lap and dye and now i dont have a date.

Ive finished clomid 3 months ago and now im just not getting any help.

The GP has said hell refer me today.

If i just had the money to go private it would all be so diff!


----------



## Pickletilly

Everything always crossed for you beautiful. Good on you for being ahead of the game xx


----------



## jessieles

Thanks hun, hope ur feeling ok xx


----------



## jessieles

So this morn I rang the gp surgery to check the referal had been done as they didnt give much faith in them yday and its all been done and sent woohoo. im giving up faith in the lap and dye!

In the meantime, i have bought ic's to poas obsess this week!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Ooohhh, when are you starting to test Jessie? I'll be stalking! 
I'm so glad the referral is up and running. I am praying with all my might that you won't need it after all. Xx


----------



## PrincessTaz

Glad tbe referral at your gp went through, hope they do manage to get you that lap and dye soon. Yay for opks, praying that you get a lovely surprise bfp!


----------



## mirandaprice

So glad they sent in the referral for ivf - I hope they reschedule your lap&dye soon.

Fx'd though you get a sticky bfp and don't need to worry about either!


----------



## jessieles

Aww thank you all!

Im on cd23 today, I usually have 30 day cycles. usual boobs sore etc at the moment so who knows. ill start testing in a few days :wacko:


----------



## jessieles

Teeny- how did i not know you were pregnant?!!! congrats!!!!!


----------



## jessieles

Ive also decided that next month im going to take clomid again :happydance:
i was prescribed 6 months (caught 1st month) then she said no more as lap and dye would be next but ive been off them 4 3 months now, and my lap and dye isnt til next year. my friend gave me her 2 cycles of clomid so im gonna take it again next cycle :happydance:


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## Teeny Weeny

Thanks Jessie. I didn't want to say. Xx

Only a few more days until testing then. If this isn't your cycle at least you know you have a fallback with Clomid again. 
If this pregnancy works out, I'm planning on giving my metformin to a friend.
Are you taking 50mg still? Xx


----------



## fairyy

You are on right path Jessie. Getting a referral for IVF is the smart move:thumbup:

Can't wait for you start testing this cycle. Good luck hun. :flower:


----------



## jessieles

Teeny- ive never heard of metformin, what does that do? Yeh ill take 50mg again, did you take clomid days 2-6 im wonderin if theres any benefits of taking it diff days?

Pal- thanks hun :hugs:


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Yes, I took it 2-6 but I did have late ovulation so I'm not sure it even worked. 
Could be worth a try though. When I had DS with clomid I actually took it 5-9 and fell first month though. 
I'm not actually sure what it does, but my friend was talking about it and said she thought it was better than clomid. I should have a read up about it! 

How many days to testing now? Xx


----------



## jessieles

Were you taking clomid last month when you caught?

Hmmm i wonder if i should take it diff days. ive kinda become my own obgyn now that theyr all bein so useless haha.

well im cd24 today, my ic's havent come yet so ill start testing when they come. i have had af pains much earlier this month, and very sore nipples but as we all know this could mean af too!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I was, but didn't ovulate until CD38. Obviously the clomid didn't make me ovulate on time and only did month 2. I know this as I temperature chart, but I will have a hell of a shock if they say I'm more pregnant than what I think I am! 
The first time in 2009 it seemed to work much better at a lower dose. You're bloods told you it made it you ovulate well so why not give different days a go... What harm can it do?! 

Those symptoms sound good. I wish those ICs would hurry up! I'm really keeping everything crossed for you this cycle. Xx


----------



## jessieles

Thanks hun, im gonna do days 3-7 i think.

IC's still havent turned up! The later they do i spose the better, still af pains and sore boobs!


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Sore boobs is good. And surely it's too early for AF pains. I guess the waiting on ICs means that when you can test you can be fairly confident in the result. 
Still got my fingers tightly crossed. Xx


----------



## PrincessTaz

Good luck for testing!


----------



## Babylove100

Hope they ics arrive soon and good luck for testing!x


----------



## jessieles

Well i tested this morn with fmu. Cd27 today, possibly 10dpo and total bfn. Quite surprised as my boobs r more sore than ever. I always hav a thing in the back of my heas bcoz wen i was pregnant i only got bfps on frers up until 7 weeks. But deep down i know by now it shud show. Ill keep testin tho til af comes thursday. Jus want this so badly.


----------



## Teeny Weeny

The sore boobs sounds promising. 10dpo is still early. There's plenty of time for a BFP yet. Xx


----------



## TinyLynne

The type of test may not pick it up that early. Plus 10 dpo may not even have implanted yet. When you say possibly, does that mean you may be even less than 10dpo??


----------



## jessieles

well I have no idea when I ovulated this month but its usually around cd17 and im cd27 today. I don't feel positive this month atall now. I bloody hate ttc!!!!!!


----------



## jessieles

So I am definately not preggers. BFN this morn and spotting.

Im going to be kind to myself this week, af pains are awful so this week im gonna just chill.

Then I need to snap out of this, winter is my fave time of year, we are going to NYC in under 4 weeks and ive hardly even thought about it, ive been to busy being obsessed with ttc. So hubby wants us to start planning our days away etc so that we get excited.

So my plan for next cycle is to take clomid days 3-7, this has me really excited because ive had 3 cycles clomid free and the first time i took it i got pregnant so maybe my body needs a boost. I always took it 2-6 but ive researched that this is for a 28 day cycle, mine is always 30-31 so im going to take it 3-7. I also feel like im actually doing something whilst taking it. Im going to bd as much as possible but at the same time really try and enjoy day to day life in the lead up to xmas. I also cannot take our trip for granted as this is something weve always wanted to do. roll on cd3 :happydance:


----------



## Babylove100

Yay Jessie! This sounds like a brilliant plan!!

I can't believe NYC is less than 4 weeks away now, your going to have an amazing time! :happydance:


----------



## mirandaprice

There's so much to do and see in NY around Christmas time - I really hope you enjoy the trip! My brother works front of house in one of the restaurants close to times square (a place called Betony)

I hope this cycle works out for you, it's great you have a plan.


----------



## jessieles

So, Im back to feeling positive again. Started clomid again yesterday, doing days 3-7 instead of 2-6. Feel excited as Ive had a 3 month break.
Also had a new op date - 11th Jan. Bit nervous as im due af on 7th but im not going to cancel the new date, ill just hope af has gone by then, or that I will get my bfp before. So im going to do 2 cycles of clomid before the op.


----------



## Teeny Weeny

Yay for the positivity Jessie. Wishing you all the best of luck catching that egg before January. Xx


----------



## PrincessTaz

Glad you're feeling more positive, hope the clomid works.

New York is going to be amazing at this time of year, I'm a tab but jealous lol x


----------



## Babylove100

Love your positive being back! Fx you get your bfp before the 11th!! :thumbup: x


----------



## jessieles

Now i remember why i hated clomid so much, day 5 and im anxious as hell, in a constant bad mood with a feeling of constant dread. argh!!!!


----------



## jessieles

teeny- love ur pic!!!:hugs::happydance:


----------



## PrincessTaz

Aw hun in feel for you. I'm horrible on clomid, it's literally turns my psychotic! I don't know how my oh copes with it because I'm constantly and angry emotional wreck! Hope it subsides not too long after your last pill xx


----------



## Teeny Weeny

I didn't get any side effects and Clomid didn't work for me. Hopefully your awful side effects mean that it's working great still! 
Wishing you all the luck in the world this cycle honey. Xx


----------



## jessieles

cd 11 for me today so fertile bd starting! i feel numb about it all now really, i honestly have no gut feeling or any idea about how im eventually gonna get pregnant. I dont know if this clomid will work, part of me doesnt believe ill get the lap and dye done as maybe ill get my bfp before then, but part of me sees ivf happening. i just have no real hope anymore about any of it.

It is definately effecting my day to day life, im just in a constant state of grief!


----------



## TinyLynne

So sorry Jess, but I totally understand that feeling. I really hope that a baby come along to lift your spirits soon. This crap sucks so much to go through. But you always have us to talk/vent to


----------



## jessieles

It is the worst experience ever isnt it!

Howa are you doing? x


----------



## TinyLynne

I'm managing. So much stress in my life already, this ttc crap on top of it is just unnecessary. 

How is life outside of ttc? Is there one? Lol. I know it tends to take over much of my life....


----------



## mirandaprice

Big :hugs:

I hope you get a bfp and take home baby soon!


----------



## jessieles

TinyLynne- I know, im the same, my life is really good outside of ttc, but ttc literally takes over all of that, no matter how good a day ive had, the last thing i think of at night is this.

Thanks Miranda!


----------



## TinyLynne

I'm glad to hear that the rest of life is treating you well! One day the baby making aspect will too.


----------



## jessieles

Hmm i hope so.

Is everything ok with you outside of ttc? xx


----------



## TinyLynne

Not really. Things seem to be haywire in every part of life right now. But I'm hoping that things will really turn around in the new year.


----------



## jessieles

awww hun. whats goin on? :hugs:


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## jessieles

So today I am cd25. Bfn today. Not even a faint line. Af due in 5 days. I'm now thinking that seeing as I did clomid again this month after a 3 month break, there defo has to be something wrong with me. 

I sit and think I cannot get over the fact I am 27 months ttc and 1 mc. What the hell is going on with me? How did I catch whilst on the pill 8 years ago and now I cannot catch, and why did I catch on month 1 of clomid and not since?? I genuinely thought back in March when I miscarried that by now id be heavily pregnant, I cannot believe 7 months of clomid has done nothing for me.

I very rarely think about being pregnant anymore, I cant imagine seeing a bfp, I long in my heart for it so badly it hurts but I just cant see any glimmer of hope! I feel like I already have so mcuh love inside me for our child.

I am devastated that on NYE this year it will be thoughts of 2015, a year that started so full of hope with getting a presciption of clomid, a year that started with a bfp. and it is ending with nothing!!


Anyways, I am off to New York in 2 days, a nice week with the hubby of having fun, its gonna be a bit of a bummer that af arrives on day 2 of holidays, but I hope my mind will be elsewhere.

Thank you girls for your support xxxx


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## TinyLynne

So sorry Jess. I feel the same way about the new year. 2015 was supposed to be our year. A new start. 

As you know, 5 days before AF is still early. And even though you may not be able to see it, there is still hope. 

I know you will have a great time in NYC, remember to be good to yourself. Spoil yourself some! Spoil yourself LOTS!! 

Big hugs to you.


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## mirandaprice

:hugs:

I hope you're pleasantly surprised with a bfp instead of af.

I hope you enjoy your trip!


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## Teeny Weeny

Jessie, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I do think of you often and pray for a BFP for you. 
Have a wonderful time in New York, I am sure it will be amazing. The break will do you good and remind you of the good things in life. 
Have a safe journey. Xxx


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## jessieles

Hi Girls

So I am back from NYC, had an amazing time.

Af came whilst over there. My Lap and dye is now 27th Jan. I am doing ok in myself, i spose it just becomes something you live with day to day.

How are you all doing? xx


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## Teeny Weeny

Hi Jessie.
Glad to hear that NY was amazing. I bet the break did you good, but I'm sorry the witch showed her ugly face. 

I hope that Christmas and new year give you some distraction from TTC and your lap and dye will be before you know it. Xx


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## mirandaprice

Glad to hear you enjoyed nyc! Sorry AF came in the middle of it.

What sort of things did you do while there, if you don't mind sharing - I so miss living there!


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## jessieles

We stayed in the Hotel Belleclaire, upper west side. We did the 9/11 memorial, watched the NY Knicks at MSG, went to see Jersey Boys in Broadway, the empire state, the rockerfeller, brooklyn bridge, little italy, central park. It was soo tiring!!


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## mirandaprice

Sounds tiring! But a lot of great sights!


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## jessieles

So this is going to be a looooong entry! :haha:

I had a lovely Christmas and New Year, I was actually dreading it but it was a really lovely time. I booked myself a counselling session on 20th Jan, and thought I'll go and see someone professional and maybe they can help me cope better with everything. I got my head around the lap and dye and was all set for 27th January.

Then yesterday, I thought to myself, its weird how I havent started spotting yet, because af was due yesterday. So I thought I'll go and get a test, pointless but I'll do it and then I can cry it out and move on. 
So there I am sat on the loo thinking what a waste of time and the words.....

PREGNANT

came up on the test!!!!!

I nearly passed out, so 4 tests later and 4 very strong BFP's!!!

I cannot believe it.

We bd about 4 times the entire month, I stopped any vitamins, no clomid, and I have drunk my way through Christmas!!

Obviously we all know, things can go wrong and im feeling very cautious but omg my 1st bfp since last March!!

I'll upload pics now xxx


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## Babylove100

Oh wow!!!!!!! This is amazing news hun!!! I am so friggin happy for you!!!!!!!!! :yipee: :yipee:


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## jessieles

pics attached x
 



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## jessieles

Thanks Babylove- It hasnt sunk in yet, I just really hope it sticks!!


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## Babylove100

Got everything crossed for you and sending you super sticky vibes!!!!!


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## jessieles

Thanku!!! xxxxxxx


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## Pickletilly

I have a million happy tears for you flowing right now! Best new year news ever! So excited for you, this will be one sticky bean <3 xxxxxxxxxx


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## TinyLynne

Yes Jess!!!!! What a perfect holiday for you!!! I'm so so so excited for you!!! Of course it happens when you stop really trying! Life is funny sometimes! Fingers crossed that all goes perfectly for you!!


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## Teeny Weeny

I have goosebumps! I am so so so happy for you. The biggest congratulations ever. I will keep you in my thoughts for a very sticky bean. What fab news to start the year. Xxx


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## fairyy

I am speechless and I have teary eyes.:hugs:
The best news of this New Year. Wow hun you really deserve this. I am so glad that it happened this way and you don't have to go through all those processes. 

What an awesome start to this New Year. I have no doubt that this will be your sticky baby. Loads of <3 I am so very happy Jess.:happydance::wohoo::wohoo:


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## mirandaprice

OMG yay!

I'm so excited to see this news! Keeping everything crossed for a very sticky take home baby!


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## jessieles

Thank you all!!

Still cant get my head around it all!

Ive done another 2 tests ooops, i think ill be like this for a while haha.

Youve all been amazin support!! xxxxxxxxxxx


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## Teeny Weeny

You'll be testing for weeks yet Jessie! ;-) 
It really is such brilliant news. I am genuinely over the moon for you. Xx


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## jessieles

Thanks Teeny- how are you doing? xx


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## TinyLynne

When will you go for a scan?? Do you have any appointments set up yet??


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## jessieles

Well, Ive emailed 3 people so far and no-one is replying. grrr. Ive emailed my obgyn, her secretary and her ex secretary as she was helpful las time.

Ill have an early scan but this time i want to wait til 7-8 weeks, when i went last time at 6 weeks i found it too stressful because they couldnt see anything and said it may be to early etc. 

I feel way to cautious to be excited at the moment. altho my bfps are quite strong. but saying that they were last time, i just hope 2 blighted ovums in a row is unlikely!


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## jessieles

todays test
 



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## Teeny Weeny

I'm good Thanks honey. I've been super worried about a 2nd miscarriage but as the weeks pass I'm getting better. I have a scan next week which will hopefully ease my mind a little more. 

I think a scan a little further along is best. If everything is okay at 8 weeks, the risk of miscarriage etc is so much lost and will give peace of mind. 
I'm sure that this will be your rainbow baby. The tests look awesome. 
What month are you due? Xx


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## jessieles

According to babyweb im due 14th September. Eeek.

I know, and google doesnt help when your worrying! Just still crampy at the mo!

Have you felt ok throughout? xx


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## TinyLynne

You have a fantastic plan! And those lines are great!!!


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## Teeny Weeny

I was crampy quite bad until about 10 weeks. It's very normal. Xx


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## PrincessTaz

Oh wow this is amazing news, I am beyond happy and excited for you!!! After everything you've been through you deserve this so so much! :happydance: :wohoo:


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## jessieles

I am trying my very best to chill out and relax, I cannot wait for more symptoms! So far theyr just tiredness, sore boobs and cramps.

Hubby has taken all my tests off me, ive done about 9 between wednesday and saturday, he could see that i was obsessing over them so i promised him no more testing now.

The hospital are being useless, I think because of how long this has taken and my blighted ovum, i thought id be having bloods or something but ive e-mailed 3 doctors with no reply. grrr. i want a date for my early scan. I dont know if theres any point ringing the gp because im under the care of the hospital.


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## jessieles

Feeling much better now, spoke with my consultant, she gave me cyclogest pessaries for progesterone and will be in touch with a scan date :happydance:


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## PrincessTaz

Yay fab news you have a plan and hopefully your scan date will be really soon!


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## jessieles

So my scan date is 26th Jan 9am. I could have had earlier but I wanted to make sure this time it wouldnt be too early for anything to be seen. So i should be 6 weeks 6 days.

I keep feeling really nervous, im embarrisingly still testing when i feel anxious, they make me feel more relaxed. But I do deep down have a good feeling, this time I am taking cyclogest and she wants me to take baby aspirin once the heartbeat has been seen, so these are positive steps.
Also I am a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. When I got pregnant last year my hubby had a really badly paid job, he hated it, he worked 6 days a week, sometimes 7, just to get a decent wage. Now, he recently got a new job, working 4 days a week for double the money he was getting, he loves it. I also got promoted in September, if I'd have been pregnant I couldnt have gone for it.
We also had a trip of a lifetime to NYC, we wouldnt have gone if I'd have been pregnant.

So now, weve had a holiday, both have better paying jobs, hubby will be home 3 days a week, we have no plans this year.

Maybe this is the timing that is perfect!


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## PrincessTaz

It really sounds like perfect timing to me, it's all worked out wonderfully well! Hope time goes fast to your scan x


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## Babylove100

It's fate!! Such perfect timing!

Fab news about Dh your jobs!!!x


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## TinyLynne

That sounds amazingly perfect! Baby is going to be born into an amazing family and have an amazing life! And you guys have got to cherish more time together before baby comes in and hogs all of your attention for a bit. So excited for you!


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## fairyy

Timing is amazing. Things are lined up so well. 
This is your time Jess. So glad to see you truly happy<3


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## mirandaprice

I love how positive you sound about everything, obviously your loss was an awful thing to happen, but everything seems to be falling in place for you now and I'm so incredibly happy for you!


I can't wait to hear how the scan goes, sending lots of positive thoughts your way and hoping for the very best outcome!


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## jessieles

Thanks girls.

Just wanting stronger symptoms now to reassure me! 5 weeks 1 day today. Did you all get any strong symptoms by 5 weeks? or is it too early?
I do have sore boobs and some strecthing/pulling, but that is about it.

Pal- how are you doing?


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## Teeny Weeny

5 weeks is still early honey. The symptoms will come. Usually about 6+ weeks. Xxx


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## fairyy

I am fine Jessie. 
Eagerly waiting for this TWW to end but on a positive note. 
If AF arrives then I will continue Soy Isoflavones for next two cycles.


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## PrincessTaz

That's still super early, sore boobs were the only thin I had until about 7 weeks when mild ms kicked in. Oh and I felt really tired. Try not to worry, some people get zero symptoms at all. I know a few people that haven't even realised to until around 20 weeks and one if them already had a kid lol x


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## Babylove100

Yep def don't worry yet, I only had sore boobs till about 6weeks then the nausea and tiredness kicked in!! And be prepared for those boobs to get even sorer!!! :wacko: 

Just a little over a week to go till your scan!! :thumbup:


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## jessieles

O.k, cool, I'll enjoy feeling good for the time being then haha

Babylove- i know, im excited but also dreading it! How far along were you this time when you had your first scan? and did you see a heartbeat?

Pal- I have everything crossed for u hunni xxx


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## Babylove100

I was 7 weeks exactly at my firs scan and could see the little jelly bean and heart flickering away! You'll be 6+6 won't you? Do you have an idea when you ovulated?x


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## jessieles

I remember having bad o pains 22nd dec. Which was cd 14 for me. Yep 6 weeks 6 days accordin to google xx


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## Teeny Weeny

Only a week to go until your scan Jessie! 
How are you feeling? Xx


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## jessieles

I know, I'm half excited but sooo nervous. I really hope the little bean is there this time!

Eeeeek!

How are you? xx


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## jessieles

Argh I am fretting over everything at the moment. I think its because I just imagined id be nauseas already but so far I just have sore boobs. I am still even doing tests to convince myself. God im nuts haha! I know i need 2 stop now because of the hook effect. I spose after 27 months of negativity its so hard to change ur mind set. Now and again i get a moment of excitedness and butterflies but until I see that scan I just wont chill. So nervous, 6 days to go! God i hope my little bean is beating away in there.


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## PrincessTaz

It's totally normal how you're feeling hun, when you've been through so much you begin to always expect the worst.

Some people are lucky and never suffer with nausea so you might not and then symptoms come and go. I worried about all these things when I was pregnant with my ds too.

Hope the next 6 days fly by so you can let yourself be more excited x


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## Babylove100

Ah Jessie, totally know where your at. I honestly wouldn't worry about not having nausea yet, you may be one of the lucky ones and never get it!! I'm sending as many positive vibes to you that have, I am sure your scan will be amazing. I wont lie to you, I still fret now!!xx


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies!

Babylove- I know, im so scared about another blighted ovum, because for 8 weeks then i felt pregnant and had strong bfps. I keep asking myself do i have a gut feeling that this 1 is diff but im 2 scared 2 think either way! argh!


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## Teeny Weeny

Try not to worry. I am sure little bean is all well and healthy in there. 
Unfortunately, the worry doesn't stop and not a day has gone by that I haven't worried. 

I hope the next 6 days pass quickly and you get some reassurance from seeing bubba. Xx


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## jessieles

Eeek 1 sleep until my scan. I am half excited and half dreading it.

The last two days the mornings have been a struggle, ive been doing my make up and heaving at the same time. Im not moaning tho, i spose its a positive sign. 

I hope more than anything my little bean is there tomorrow. I just dont know what ill do otherwise. Ill be 6 weeks 6 days ish so hopefully thats long enuf.

argh!!


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## Teeny Weeny

Exciting! Good luck tomorrow. I'm sure it will all be perfect. Xxx


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## TinyLynne

So excited to see your bean tomorrow. I know it will go perfectly! This is your time girl!!


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## Babylove100

Yay I'm so excited for your scan tomorrow!! Everything is going to be perfect! And yay for heaving :haha: x


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## jessieles

Hhaaah. Thanks Babylove!

Thanks girls, i wish i had your confidence haha.

I shall let you all know as soon as ive been xx


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## mirandaprice

I've got everything crossed for you Jessie!


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## fairyy

Fingers crossed Jess. I am sure this time everything is going to be just perfect:hugs:<3

All the best hunni :thumbup:

Can't wait for your update tomorrow :)


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## Babylove100

It's scan day! Wohohoo!! What time is your appointment?x


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## Teeny Weeny

Thinking of you today. Xx


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## danijoanne

Good luck today Hun can't wait to see the pic xxx


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## TinyLynne

Thinking of you and baby Jess!


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## jessieles

Heya girlies!

Saw the baby and heartbeat! :happydance:

Dont think its sunk in yet.

My hopsital is pretty basic, so thers no picture or heartbeat rate etc, they just show u the heartbeat.

So I have booked a private scan for 14th feb, i should be 9 weeks by then, that way i get a pic and another look haha.

They put me back slightly, so im around 6 weeks 2 days instead of 6 weeks 6 days.

xxxxxxxx


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## Babylove100

Yay!!! Fantastic news lovely!!! :happydance: xx


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## TinyLynne

How wonderful Jess!! This is so it for you! So excited to see a pic of baby in a few weeks!!!


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## mirandaprice

So happy to hear today went well! Can't wait to see pictures of the little one!


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## Teeny Weeny

Fantastic news. Your rainbow baby is cooking nicely! Xx


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## fairyy

Awesome news hun:wohoo::wohoo::wohoo:


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## danijoanne

Fantastic yay yay yay


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## jessieles

Now I just need to learn to stay positive and relax. my mum keeps tellin my my happy vibes will be going to the baby so i need 2 keep positive! Easier said than done!


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## jessieles

The nausea and tiredness have well and truly kicked in!


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## Babylove100

Yay for symptons!!! :happydance: hope your not feeling too sick, ginger biscuits and peppermint tea helped me!xx


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## PrincessTaz

Yay so happy for you, first scans are amazing finally getting to see the little beans! Xx


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## jessieles

7 weeks 3 days today :) my next scan cannot come quick enough. I find myself constantly thinking my little heartbeat wont be there next time.

I was unwell sunday night, spent the night on the toilet with diarrhea, the cramps that came with that made me worried but i spose every1 gets cramping with that. i have been really nauseas everyday, all day. Very crampy all day yesterday, like a dull ache, hopefully it is just everything growing!


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## TinyLynne

That would make anyone worry, but like you said, it is completely normal! Can't wait to see baby's picture at your next scan!


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## mirandaprice

When is your next scan? I forget if you mentioned

Hope you feel a little relief from the nausea


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## jessieles

its on valentines day, 14th feb! i should be 9 weeks then xx


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## fairyy

Woohoo scan on Valentine's Day. That is awesome :)

Sorry about the sickness though.


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## jessieles

Omg next sunday cant come quick enough! I need to see that heartbeat again, or im gonna turn even more into a lunatic.

The sickness yesterday went up a notch, but today im not too bad, even things like no nausea make me panic! Still shattered all the time, could sleep for Britain but id happily take all the symptoms under the sun!

Still very crampy too!


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## TinyLynne

I'm sure little baby Jess is doing perfect, and just trying to give you a little break from the nausea, but I'm sure it will be back in full swing by tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to your scan! Not long now!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 8 weeks Jessie!

I hope this week flies by for you!


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## Babylove100

Wow happy 8 weeks!! Time is flying by!!!x


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## jessieles

Thanks hun!

This has been a hard weekend, ive found myself worrying all weekend and i know when im doing it that im being irrational, i just cant help it. i know once this scan happens sunday ill relax a bit, i think its coz i need to get past the stage that i miscarried las time maybe.

I woke up saturday and when i wiped there was a spot of brown, so this panicked me but it didnt happen again. and ive been crampy all weekend, i know this is meant to be normal but try explaining that to a lunatic haha.

the nausea has eased too, seems to come and go xxx


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## Babylove100

I spotted for a week! Its very scary but as long as it's brown its old blood working its way out. I was quite crampy whilst spotting as well so as hard as it is try not to worry hun! Roll on Sunday, I can wait for you to see little baby's heartbeat again!!! They might even let you hear it, which is an amazing experience!!!xx


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## TinyLynne

Sorry that things are scaring you Jess, but like everyone has said, brown is ok! Especially if it was only a little. I'm sure baby is just getting snuggled in tight! Only 6 more days til you get to see that beautiful life again and have some more reassurance!


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## PrincessTaz

Spotting is so scary when pregnant but like everyone has said, brown blood is old and cramping is normal. Your next scan is so close now, that will reassure you I'm sure! 

Happy belated 8 weeks x


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## mirandaprice

Some ladies will spot around the time a normal period would come (8 weeks would be one of those times!) 

How are you doing today? I hope time isn't dragging too much for you and I hope for fantastic results this weekend so you can relax a bit!


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## jessieles

Hiya girlies

Im doing ok, i think once sunday is done ill start to get excited, i need to get passed the stage at which i miscarried i think so sunday will be that.

Yesterday I threw all my breakfast up, so that reassured me haha, this morn tho i feel great.

I saw the gp this morn, she checked all my hospital letters and said shes happy with my progress so my first midwife appt is Friday lunchtime.

Roll on sunday! :happydance:


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## TinyLynne

Come on Sunday! We can't wait to see baby!!!


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## Babylove100

Yeah, roll on Sunday!! :thumbup: Cant wait to see the little bean again!!x


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## jessieles

Midwife appt today woohoo.

Girls, is it normal for symptoms to waiver? i still feel nauseas but no where near as bad as i did and the most obvious symptom of my boobs hurtin has totally gone. does this go and come back or is this a bad sign?


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## Teeny Weeny

With DS2 all my symptoms went at 9 weeks. I was convinced it was terrible news. I paid for a private scan and there he was all lovely and okay. The dr told me symptoms can ease at about 9 weeks. 
They can also come back with a vengeance! I say enjoy the break from it. Little baby Jessie is just fine. Xx


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## Pickletilly

Let us know how your app went :) 
I always had a symptom that lasted a week or so then it would go away and something else would take its place. Everyone is different, my advice would be to take it as it comes. I had horrendous nausea for weeks and weeks, I'd rather had the throwing up that's for sure! Enjoy ;)


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## jessieles

Ahhh pickle look at your photo! beautiful girlies!!

Thanks for the reassurance girls :hugs:

midwife went good, just mostly form filling and info really. startin to feel more real now, by sunday if i see that heartbeat again im gonna be like a bottle of pop!


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## Pickletilly

howd your scan go?! :D


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## TinyLynne

Hoping all went well today Jess! Thinking of you!


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## jessieles

Hiya girlies!

So the scan went really well, they put me back at my original dates so im 10 weeks today! yipee! baba was wriggling around flapping arms and legs and i have a lush likkle picture, ill try and upload now. so i am feeling sooo much better, well worth the money! not long now til my 12 week scan yaaaay!


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## Babylove100

Yay fantastic news!! I knew all would be well!! It's amazing how baby like they look at 10 weeks isn't it!! Wohohoo! Happy 10 weeks!!! :happydance: xx


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## jessieles

picture of scan xx
 



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## Babylove100

jessieles said:


> picture of scan xx

Ah, gorgeous scan pic!!!x


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## Teeny Weeny

Gorgeous scan picture. I am so happy for you. Xxx


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies. 

She did say there was a small pocket of blood showing on the scan, but it looked tiny, she did say not to worry and that either i would bleed a little bit n it would disperse or it would just get re absorbed into my body. so hopefully it will absorb and go away!


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## Pickletilly

Would that be related to the spotting then? 
Your bean is super cute! So happy for you :) <3


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## jessieles

perhaps yeah! thanks hun! :happydance::cloud9:


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## PrincessTaz

Awww amazing scan pic, so glad everything went well! Could deffo explain the spotting you had too. So happy for you, exciting times x


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## TinyLynne

Fantastic Jess! What a perfect picture! So happy all went well! It's your time! And still so in shock and happy that you two did it all in your own, no meds or anything! 

Congrats again!


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## jessieles

Thankyou girlies that means such a lot from you all. and i promise you you will all be here very soon! I understand ttc is the worst rollercoaster ride ever, its defo affected me 4 life!

tinylynne- i was having a nose earlier, have you had iui?? how exciting! what happens now? xx


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## TinyLynne

I did have the IUI last Wednesday, most people say it is just like a pap but mine was way painful as she had to 'straighten out' my cervix. I had it done on ovulation day, based on my monitor, and cm seemed to agree. So now I am 5 dpo and waiting for AF or BFP. If AF I need a month off of the meds and everything physically, financially and emotionally before doing it again. 

But maybe natural is the way to go after the treatments! So many ladies getting bfps on breaks right now! 

When is your 12 week scan?


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## jessieles

Omg, i have absolutely everything crossed for you! sounds painful too!
i hope the next week or two flies by for you!

im not sure yet, i saw the midwife last friday and she filled out the forms and said id hear from the hospital with a date so ill just wait. hopefully not too long!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 10 weeks!

So happy everything looks good and that your little one is doing well!


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## jessieles

So it seems my pregnancy side effect is diarrhea! :wacko: it is soo frightening with the cramps, but i guess deep down you know the difference between toilet cramps and womb cramps! urgh! not nice!


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## TinyLynne

Sounds miserable Jess! I hope it gets better soon!


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## mirandaprice

Oh how awful, I hope it's not a side effect that continues for you!


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## jessieles

To be honest I would happily take diarrhea/sickness for this little bean, the cramps just scare me for beans sake, but ive googled n it seems it wont affect baba. :shrug:


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## Teeny Weeny

Do remember to keep hydrated though honey. I hope it passes quickly. Xx


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## TinyLynne

Yes, drink lots and lots of water!!


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## fairyy

Lovely scan hunni :dance:
Happy 10weeks :flower:

Sorry about the diarrhea. 
Hope you feel better. 
Try to squeeze lit slice of lemon in water with pinch of salt and little sugar and drink it. It helps with dehydration and diarrhea too. Try it. It is natural, won't harm you.


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## jessieles

So ive had my date for my 12 week scan, 17th March, bloody a month away! I will be 14 weeks grrr! i really wanted it to tell people and for reassurance, i know i had one at 9 weeks 6 days but you know im a lunatic hahaha!


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## TinyLynne

You aren't a lunatic. I will be the same way if I get to that point! They really can't move it up for you??


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## jessieles

Nope, im very tempted to have another private 1 at 12 weeks :haha::blush:

You are right, and i wouldnt blame you, i think once youve been through all you have then no1 can judge if you had a weekly scan!


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## TinyLynne

Do whatever will make you feel better!


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## Pickletilly

How much are the private scans jess? I don't think you're a lunatic :p how you feeling?


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## jessieles

Theyr £40!

Yeah im feeling good, still sicky but ok. Me and dh had sex for the first time since finding out we were preggers yesterday, I was sooo nervous, as pathetic as it sounds I kept thinking what if I bleed or damage little bean haha, but no spotting or anything. just feel a bit like ive done sit ups (I haven't!) It was nice to have sex without the aim being to get pregnant hahaha!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 11 weeks!


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## jessieles

Thanku!

I just called ante natal and asked for a cancellation for the 12 week scan and they gave me next Thursday wooohoo so I'll be around 12w3d instead of the 14w4d I was gonna have to wait until!


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## Babylove100

Yay that's great news! :happydance:


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## jessieles

I need a holiday haha! Its exhausting being in work at 7.30am spending the day trying not to be sick. Ive only actually been sick three times, but every morning I just feel like im going to be sick, right up until lunchtime. no food is taking my fancy anymore and I love my food, every meal I have I force down. But my little bean is worth every minute of it, I cannot wait for my scan next week, to finally have made it to the 12 week mark will be unreal. 

The rest of you still ttc, I would give anything for you to be at this stage of your journey, I really hope you get your bfp's soon! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## jessieles

Rant alert:

My manager is driving me insane.

So I work in an office with 4 other girls, each of them have babies, and they all caught within 4 months of ttc. so working alongside them has been pretty hard! Theres been a lot of time where I am working alone due to maternity leave etc and ive been really accommodating, offering to work the 7.30 shift so its easier on everyone.

My boss is a really bitter twisted woman who loves nothing more than to cause drama between people. there has been times where me and the girls have not spoken because shes twisted things between us. bare in mind shes 50. pathetic!

so far, the day I told her I was pregnant, there wasn't a lot of emotion there, she knows what ive been through but was more concerned with the fact that me bein off means shes lost a staff member. then I had constant negative comments such as
'well, your still early days, I personally wouldn't tell anyone else yet'
'well you need to get through to your 12 week scan and then youll be safe'

then the day after my 9w scan, I sed 'yeh baby is all fine, moving around flapping arms and legs' and she said 'arms and legs that aren't even formed yet'.

Why would you even say that??????????

then again she said 'you need to get through the next 2 weeks now'.

then last week I told her I had a midwife apt at 3pm so would need to leave half an hour early, to which she replied well work on half an hour and well call it quits, so I looked at her puzzled and reminded her that all midwife and antenatal appts are given to us, its in our policy, we don't need to take time for them, they by law are mandatory.

now to top it all off today, she went up and told our big boss (someone who doesn't even need to be made aware of shifts, leave, holidays etc) that next Thursday is a really busy day and that I have a scan in the morning and a midwife apt in the afternoon. 


omg I am livid!


----------



## mirandaprice

Yay for getting your scan moved closer!

So sorry about your manager, that's awful she's treating you like that and making those comments. Could you make a complaint about her? I dunno if that would be worth it, but she's being really unprofessional.


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## jessieles

I am just going to try to ignore her and not let it get to me!

I may have been hasty but I just got e-mailed a 4d scan package on offer, so I bought the voucher haha

Precious Bundle 2 includes: 3D/4D scan, finding out the babys gender, reassurance check, six printed scan photos, approximately ten-minute video of the scan on a USB Stick or DVD, digital copy of images, verbal pregnancy report, hearing the babys heartbeat, 20-minute scan, 40-minute appointment for £59!

I cant wait to feel the baby move, Its weird not feeling pregnant isn't it, my boobs aren't really sore anymore, sickness is easing, roll on next thurs!


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## Babylove100

Wow that's a great deal! Who's it with?? 

Ah I can't wait for your scan, and don't worry about your symptons going, mine all disappeared at 10-11 weeks, the placenta is taking over so gives your body a rest! Amen for that!! :haha: x


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## PrincessTaz

Sounds like a fab package, you'll be counting down the days now lol.

Your manager sounds awful and clearly needs to brush up on the law! Although you don't want to complain right now I'd keep note of everything said with days and times just in case it gets worse and you feel you need to take it further x


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## jessieles

Its with a company called precious moments baby scans. I think ill wait and have that about 30 weeks. was off groupon!

yeh, I think when you've been through all we have, miscarriages and ttc for along time, you don't want any negative comments atall, so the girls in the office are like yaaay cant wait for your scan, which is what you want to hear, whereas she'll say, now youll have to let me know if its good or bad news next week. and its like why would I wanna hear that? aaaaaaaggggggggghhhhh! Im very hormonal at the mo haha!


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## jessieles

My weekend has been a bit of a downer. Had a headache from Friday til sunday, I didn't wanna take any tablets but had to give in to paracetomol, still didn't touch the headache tho.

Im doing it to myself and I know I am, I woke up Saturday in a right mood, on the edge of tears all day, I just cannot seem to get my head in a positive place where I finally accept this is happening. this is my third pregnancy and I just hope its my rainbow baby. I really hope after Thursday I will believe it. I have lost nearly all my symptoms, only my food aversions have stayed, and ive convinced myself when I have the next scan the heart will have stopped. and I know im being totally erratic but I just cant help it.

All ive wanted for 2 and a half years is to be pregnant, and now I am, im 12 weeks, ive had 2 healthy scans and I still cant let myself be happy. maybe I should have gone for the counselling!


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## mirandaprice

Big big :hugs:

I wish I had words that would help ease your anxiety, but pregnancy after loss is a huge emotional roller coaster. 

Happy 12 weeks


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## PrincessTaz

I'm sorry you're struggling with things. It is really hard being pregnant after a loss, that constant feeling that this is too good to be true but it does get easier as you get further along although you never truly relax cause there's always something else to worry about lol. I found for me once I gt to around 26 weeks I started to feel more confident. I would definitely say see about therapy if you think it could help, sometimes just talking through things really does help x


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## jessieles

Thanks girls- I really just cant wait to get tomorrow over with.

Part of me thinks, I have a little pot belly, ive had a 6 week and a 10 week scan both showing a healthy baby, the timing is perfect, and then I get too scared to think like that. I think long term ttc and pregnancy after a loss effects you so badly. But with any luck, this time tomorrow ill be happy and reassured. Then I can enjoy it!


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## Teeny Weeny

What you're feeling is so normal. I felt/feel exactly the same.
Even after the scans I would still worry. It does get easier and the worry gets less. But as some of the others have said, there always seems something to worry about! 

Tomorrow you will see your perfect little bubba and all will be great. Looking forward to a picture. Xx


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## jessieles

So Baba Collins was perfect! 12 weeks 3 days exactly, due sep 12th
 



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## Babylove100

Yay! Brilliant news Jessie!! So happy for you :happydance:


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## Teeny Weeny

What a lovely picture. Now RELAX! Lol xx
Seriously, I'm glad all is well. Try and enjoy your pregnancy lovely. Xx


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## mirandaprice

Yay! So happy for you!


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## jessieles

I feel like I'm actually enjoying my pregnancy now, ive been in a good mood ever since my scan. I feel like I can trust my gut feeling now.

Shaun went a bit crazy the other eve and we went shopping, I think he was over excited so we bought monitors, a baby swing/bouncer, and some fun bits in the Disney store :happydance:

I also have started to feel a bit better nauseas wise so concentrating on eating better now.


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## jessieles

I think what has also helped is, ive started only looking at this forum, rather than the other groups, I had this app on my phone where every1 due in sept would chat and obviously as there are so many people in there, there has been a lot of miscarriages etc, so stayin off these has defo helped!


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## mirandaprice

Staying out of first tri boards helps anxiety tremendously. In due date groups it's kind of mixed, you may find them more reassuring later on, but in the beginning it can be rough.

Glad you're feeling better about your pregnancy though, big :hugs:


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## PrincessTaz

I totally understand that, I find forst tri boards can be so scary. 

I'm happy you're finally enjoying it now and yay for shopping, baby shopping us the best kind of shopping in the world!


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## jessieles

Yep, I have stayed off them.

I am enjoying it now, I still have a little worry now n agen but I push it out of my mind. 

I seem to wake up totally flat bellied and think omg maybe im not pregnant and then by 10am I have a full on bloat bump haha


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## mirandaprice

Happy 14 weeks jessie!


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## PrincessTaz

Happy 14 weeks x


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## Teeny Weeny

Second trimester!  
How are you feeling? Xx


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## jessieles

Thanks girls, today is the first day I am nauseas less, headacheless and enjoying food. woohoo!!


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## Babylove100

Yay fab news!! Enjoy!! :happydance: x


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## Teeny Weeny

Second trimester feels glorious compared to the first! Glad you are feeling well. Xx


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## jessieles

Yaaay its easter weekend, which means a long weekend!

Bought a new car yesterday as I had the smallest car, now we have our family car, picking it up later. my bump is starting to show now, every1 is commenting, I love it!:happydance:


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## Babylove100

Yay for the long weekend!!! And great news on the car, what did you go for? And you'll have to start doing bump photos soon.....we wanna see!!!xx


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## jessieles

i went for a Peugeot 207, the new model. I did have a 107. oooh ok ill upload one I took on Monday now xx


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## jessieles

15 weeks
 



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## Babylove100

Ah gorgeous bump!!!!!x


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## fairyy

Lovely bump :cloud9:


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## MerryAnn

You are so cute


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## mirandaprice

Great bump!

Happy 15 weeks!


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## PrincessTaz

Aww gorgeous bump! And yay for getting new wheels x


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## mirandaprice

Happy 16 weeks!


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies. Feeling good, except bloated all the time.

And Gp rang this morn, I have an infection in my urine so Im on antibiotics now, I don't really like taking them but I spose I have to!
 



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## Teeny Weeny

What a cute little bump. Oh to be skinny like you again! lol xx 
Happy 16 weeks too. 

Sorry to hear you are on AB, but I'm sure they'll do the trick and clear up that infection quickly. Xx


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## fairyy

Happy 16 weeks Jess. What a cute bump! :)


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## TinyLynne

Yayyyyy! I'm so glad things are going well for you! I've been thinking of you often, even when I'm away from bnb for a while.


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## jessieles

Aww hun, how are u doin? xxx


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## TinyLynne

I'm doing good! Just needed some time away to be happy and calm and relax! 

Will you be finding out baby's gender??


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## jessieles

I don't blame you, sometimes its needed! Whats your plan now?

Nope not finding out, going for a surprise :)


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## jessieles

So had my midwife check up today, it amazes me how relaxed it is, diff midwife this time, just did blood pressure and I was sent on my way. I mean, in a way its reassuring that theyr obviously thinkin all is fine but I was gutted I didn't hear the heartbeat, apparently they don't do this til 25 weeks. I know my belly is growing but I cant wait til the 20 week scan to see baba and heartbeat again!


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## fairyy

Oh no you are not going to find out the gender !!!:growlmad:


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## mirandaprice

Did you already get a date for the anatomy scan, I forget if you mentioned. Less then a month until 20 weeks!

I always find it amazing how different patient care is across different practices and countries - my obgyn did a heartbeat doppler check every appointment starting at 12 weeks, kept me sane until I felt him moving more


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## jessieles

I know- literally here in the U.K, they hardly do anything at the midwife appts until 25 weeks! Hearing the heartbeat would be so reassuring!

My next scan is 22nd april :happydance:

Fairy- nope, we are team yellow!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 17 weeks! 

The 22nd is right around the corner!


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## jessieles

17 weeks pic.

I am so full of gas, I have no idea how to get rid of it!

My mother in law really peed me off yesterday, looking at my bump pics and saying 'your not getting any bigger are you' :growlmad: I personally think I am, but nevertheless why would you worry someone by saying that.

Roll on the 22nd, reassurance is needed!
 



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## Babylove100

Oh I had that too, just ignore it, people don't think before they speak!!! Your def getting bigger!x


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## Pickletilly

Just tell her she isn't getting any smaller :') your bump is adorable. I only started bumping after 18w I think, and that's with two. You get "you're so tiny!" For so long then one day it's "getting big now hey". Can't wait for your next scan! You're brave keeping the gender unknown, id never have the will power :p


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## MerryAnn

You are so beautiful :)


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## mirandaprice

I didn't really start getting noticeably bigger until after 20 weeks - I think your bump looks great!

Wish I had advice on the gas, unfortunately pregnancy slows digestion down a bit and with that comes the gas. Maybe ask the midwife if something like gasx is safe to take (I dunno if you have that available in the uk, but maybe something similar?)


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## fairyy

Love your growing bump :flower:


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies.

I get a daily comment on the bump, I see now why people get annoyed with it haha.

And Ive had a lot of 'Are you meant to be doing that whilst pregnant?!"
Like when I said I was on antibiotics people said that, I felt like saying nooooo im not but I thought bugger it ill take them anyway. Idiots.

Ive bought peppermint tea, meant to be good for gas so Ill give it a try.

When did you feel your first movements? xx


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## mirandaprice

I didn't really start feeling them until just before 20 weeks, but it was really random. Much more after 20 weeks though. You're pretty small, I would imagine that unless you have an anterior placenta you should start feeling them in the next few weeks (maybe even sooner!)


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## Babylove100

I felt flutters from around 16 weeks, just randomly though and not every day. Started to feel proper kicks around 20 weeks, with a definite pattern to them by about 24 weeks. I'm anterior and looking back at my bump pics I didn't really start to show properly until around 20 weeks.x


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## PrincessTaz

Your bump is perfect Jessie, definitely cooking nicely in there!

I wish we had more apts and scans here in the UK and I think having to wait 25 weeks to hear the heart beat is way too long x


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## TinyLynne

Look at that adorable bump!!

Yay!!!


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies.

Ive had a mixed week haha. Literally been nuts, was in work weds, all of a sudden about 2pm started having strong cramps, said to work i gotta go i dont feel well, managed to drive to the traffic lights about 200 yards away and suddenly threw up, the only thing i had in the car was an empty tea bag box, so just threw up in that in my lap whilst trying to drive! got home and had horrendous diarrhea. It scared me a little coz of the cramps, so rang the midwife number i was given and no-one ever got back to me (i just wanted reassurance really). Felt better thurs and fri, then friday night it all started again, from 1am to 4.30am, so i rang the nhs direct number and said the cramps were awful and frightening, the nurse said that as there was no blood, the cramps would be diarrhea related and this wouldnt harm the baby. they said theyd call back but didnt. the antenatal care for this has been shite! but i just thought they obv rnt worried so it must mean its ok.

I know the cramps werent vaginal, but they still scared me. the 20 week scan cant come soon enough.

Felt a little better saturday afternoon so went pram shopping woohooo, my nan was buying for me. Ended up getting a venicci. i love it!

So all in all a weird weekend!!


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## mirandaprice

Oh how awful, I'm glad you're feeling better. Maybe you ate something bad?


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## jessieles

I have no idea. Proper anxious today tho, pregnancy is such a worry isn't it! I panic over everything, the size of my bum, every twinge and niggle. :wacko::wacko::wacko:


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## mirandaprice

Happy 18 weeks!

It seems the worry never ends, even after the baby is safely in your arms!


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## Babylove100

Happy 18 weeks!! :happydance:


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## TinyLynne

Sounds dreadful! I hope you feel better soon! Not long before 20 weeks!


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## jessieles

Are you back from vacation?? xx


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## TinyLynne

I am! Been back Ancel Sunday. It's so nice to be back!!


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## jessieles

Girls, what are your thoughts on fetal dopplers? im not sure whether to get one x


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## Teeny Weeny

I don't think at this stage it's worth it honey. You'll have your 20 week scan soon enough, then you'll be feeling baby move regularly. 
The further you get into pregnancy it's suggested not to use them if you have any concerns. Listening in to a heartbeat cannot tell you if baby is okay or not as its only a snippet. 
I have one that I used early on. I haven't used it since the 20 week scan. Xx


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## jessieles

I have read such mixed reviews. I know I am a worrier so maybe it would just stress me.

I haven't felt any movement yet and since my diarrhea cramps im just sooo anxious. I honestly think any longer than a month inbetween scans and im a nutcase :wacko:


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## Babylove100

I had one, and in the early weeks (15-20w) I used it maybe once a week to settle my nerves. I haven't used it since my 20 week scan as now I feel him there's no need. You'll be feeling baby soon enough and hopefully that will give you some reassurance!!x


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## TinyLynne

I think most people I know that have them it only stressed them out more.


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## Teeny Weeny

TinyLynne said:


> I think most people I know that have them it only stressed them out more.

Not meaning to hijack Jessie's posts, but a huge congratulations. :baby: xx


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## TinyLynne

Thank you :)


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## Babylove100

TinyLynne said:


> I think most people I know that have them it only stressed them out more.

Oh yes, me too! Huge congrats!! :happydance:


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## jessieles

So as per usual I was spur of the moment and bought a Doppler haha. I actually found it really reassuring. I haven't had any movement yet so maybe once I have then ill stop. 5 days til scan yaaay


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## jessieles

People get on my b**** nerves! In my head I am swearing profusely.

Why do people judge others when they have no clue what they have been through? It gets on my nerves. 

The girls I work with all have babies, took one of them 2 months and took the other 4 months. And they look at me like im mental!

Every time I say im impatient for a scan, or im anxious, I get a little comment like 'omg what are you like....I've never known anyone like u...'

or when I book a 4d scan...'omg r u serious, why?'

and now today when I say ive bought a Doppler, I get a 'WHAT? omg why on earth'.

They say they know wot its like as they've have babies, im sorry you cannot compare ttc for 4 months and a perfect pregnancy to 2 n a half years of ttc, 1 miscarriage, sitting through an ivf workshop, 8 months on clomid, every test under the sun. Why don't people just keep their judgements to theirself. No-one knows what you've been through until they've been through it themselves!!!!!


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## mirandaprice

Big :hugs:

I've found that people that havn't been through it just don't understand - they havn't been touched with the pain or the longing, or even half the anxiety that comes with pregnancy after loss or ltttc.


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## Babylove100

Oh yes, I know those sorts of people all too well!!! I have one friend who's baby was really poorly when born, I clearly remember a conversation with her just after my mmc to which she said "well my baby nearly died" I was gobsmacked that 1. she would even compare our situations and 2. that she was treating it like a competition!! People just get crazy and I've learnt to just ignore them now.

We all know exactly what you've gone through and I personally think your doing great in the way your dealing with it so let their words go over your head. Easier said than done I know though :hugs: xx


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## TinyLynne

I am so sorry that your coworkers are not being very supportive. They CLEARLY don't understand what it's like to be in your shoes.


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## jessieles

Im going to let it go over my head now!!

I had some weird sensations last not sure if it was baba moving, never felt those kind of sensations before though!


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## Babylove100

My first movements felt like little tickles on the inside of my tummy......


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## mirandaprice

My first movement felt like a bird flapping it's wings- if that makes sense, very gentle but different from all the normal body things


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## TinyLynne

How exciting!!!


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## jessieles

It was like popping bubbles I suppose!


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## mirandaprice

Sounds like you're feeling movement to me! How exciting!


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## Babylove100

Yep, def sounds like movement to me too!! Exiting!x


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## Teeny Weeny

Yay for first baby movements! It only gets better from here. Xx


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## jessieles

Hi Girlies

Just had my 20 week scan. All perfect. :happydance:

Baba is a little bugger, they took all the shots they needed but needed one of its spine, so needed it to roll over. I had to be put like upside down, had to shake my hips, do a dance, and baba was putting its arms and legs out to stop its self moving hahaha, so in the end I had to go to the café and eat and then go back, and finally it was on its belly!

I will upload a pic when im on my own computer xx


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## Babylove100

Yay fab news!!! I was only thinking about you this morning! So happy for you and sounds like you have a little monkey on your hands :haha:

Looking forward to seeing the pics.x


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## TinyLynne

Fantastic!!! I'm so happy to read these great updates!


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## jessieles

pic of baba
 



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## TinyLynne

Aghhhhhh!!!! Look at that! So adorable! 

I'm so happy to finally see this on your journey!


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## Babylove100

Ah gorgeous!x


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## Teeny Weeny

Fabulous news and a lovely scan picture. Nearly half way!  xx


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## mirandaprice

Yay! So happy all looks perfect, I bet you'll have one cute baby!


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## fairyy

Great news and gorgeous pic of baby <3


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## Pickletilly

Funny how you describe it as popping bubbles, I could never describe the first movements but that's totally it! Too cute, perfect scan pic. :kiss:


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies, still on cloud 9!!:cloud9:


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## Teeny Weeny

Happy halfway honey.  xx


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## TinyLynne

Yay for halfway!!!!


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## Babylove100

Wohooo halfway!!!!! :happydance:


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## mirandaprice

Happy 20 weeks!


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## jessieles

Thanks girls!

Cant wait for movement, some days I feel its there, other days not so much!


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## PrincessTaz

Aww fabulous scan pictures, so happy for you. Can't believe you're already half way there! X


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## jessieles

I keep getting this one symptom that's driving me mad- I feel like I can feel my heartbeat, and I cant get rid of the sensation, at night I can hear it :growlmad:


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## jessieles

Hi girls

How are you all?

I am absolutely loving being pregnant, loving my bump, baba does somersaults at night which is very odd to feel! I am wishing the weeks away to meet the little one!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 22 weeks!

Just wait until little baby is bigger and your whole stomach moves, what a crazy experience.


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## PrincessTaz

Glad your enjoying it so much and that baby is moving loads, it's the best feeling ever! X


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## jessieles

Baba is proper jabbing now haha, me and hubby sat and watched my belly for ages the other night because you could see the kicks, it is the best feeling ever! Im loving having a bump too. 2 n a half weeks til my 4d scan, sooo excited to see babys face.

I have uploaded a pic from last week xx
 



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## Babylove100

Ahhhh gorgeous bump!!!! I know what you mean, I LOVE feeling him move, such a amazing feeling!!x


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## Teeny Weeny

Love the new avatar! 
Jessie, that bump is gorgeous. Enjoy the feeling of baby moving. I always miss that the most after having the babies. Xx


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## mirandaprice

Happy 23 weeks! 

Beautiful bump!


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## Pickletilly

Lush!! You wait until bubs has the hiccups hehe :)


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## Babylove100

OMG yes, the hiccups are sooooo cute!!!


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## PrincessTaz

Gorgeous bump, you're absolutely glowing!

Also loved this hiccups, I used to just sit and watch my tummy in amazement x


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## mirandaprice

Happy 24 weeks!!


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies :cloud9:


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## Teeny Weeny

Yay for viability.  xx


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## fairyy

I love to see you with bump gorgeous lady! So happy for you. <3


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## jessieles

:happydance: I will upload this weeks pic when ive taken it.

I do love bein pregnant, I still find baby moving the weirdest feeling ever but I love it.

I spent the weekend at centreparcs, nice to get away and have a swim etc, im very excitable at the mo, lots of nice bits planned in June for my birthday, and only 13 days until my 4d scan yaaay. 

I intend on buying lots of bits for baba too this month, Ive got my pram, my furniture, a bath, a tommy tippee bottle maker, monitors, a bouncer, so not doing too badly!

Im not going to buy certain bits until baba is here as im not a fan of beige, so I will want pink or blue.

I still don't think I can believe Im pregnant.

I cant wait for you to have all this fairy, and it wont be long im sure of it!! :hugs:


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## jessieles

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/pregnancy-journals/2392994-boy-girl.html

Ive started a poll :)


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## mirandaprice

Happy 25 weeks!


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## Babylove100

Happy 25 weeks!! Looking forward to your bump pic!x


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## PrincessTaz

Happy 25 weeks! :)


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## jessieles

25 weeks 3 days
 



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## Babylove100

Gorgeous!!!!


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## Pickletilly

Wow you've popped! Absolutely gorgeous! I mean this in the nicest of ways, you're going to be huge hehe :kiss: (just kidding)


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## jessieles

pmsl! :wacko::dohh:


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## PrincessTaz

Happy 26 weeks Jessie, bump is absolutely beautiful! X


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## Teeny Weeny

Jessie, your pregnancy is flying by. How are you 26 weeks already?! 
One more week until 3rd trimester. How are you feeling? Xx


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## mirandaprice

Happy 26 weeks!


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## jessieles

Hi Girlies!

Week 27 now.....its flying by!

Sorry I haven't been on here much, I have 2 weeks off so I have just been enjoying not being in work! Been shopping and relaxing and eating haha.

Absolutely loving being pregnant.

I had a 4d scan last week, baby wasn't very co-operative haha, kept putting arm across face- got a few pics so ill upload one now.

Baby gave us a little scare on the weekend, I didn't feel any movement for 24 hours so I had a monitor and a scan but it looked like baby was just having a lazy day. they gave me another scan today just to be cautious - they said baby is now 3 pound 2, so a chunk, if growth continues at this rate im looking at at least 8 pounds eek haha. baby also has hair and very long legs. which isn't surprising as I have very long legs xxx


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## PrincessTaz

Naughty baba scaring you like that, glad they took you seriously though and got you checked out and fab that all is well.

Can't wait to see you scan pics :)


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## mirandaprice

Happy 27 weeks!

Glad the scare didn't turn out to be anything to worry about, hopefully the baby won't be so quiet again


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## jessieles

the pic is not uploadin....ill do it Monday in work, seems to work there xx


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## jessieles

4d scans xx
 



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## Teeny Weeny

What a little cutie. Great photos honey.
How are you feeling? Xx


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## PrincessTaz

Look at the little face, such a cutie xx


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## jessieles

I know, its so crazy!

Im feeling really good thank you, just want to meet him/her already!


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## Babylove100

Ah lovely pics! And happy 28 weeks! Your pregnancy is flying!!!!!x


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## mirandaprice

Happy 28 weeks!


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## jessieles

Thanks girls, I know, its going so quickly! Need to get the nursery done now!


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## jessieles

28 weeks bump xx
 



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## PrincessTaz

Happy 28 weeks, gorgeous bump xx


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## Babylove100

Lovely bump!!!!x


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## mirandaprice

Beauitful bump!


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## fairyy

Love your bump Jessie!


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## Pickletilly

Your bump is soooo lovely. Suits you so much. Every time I think of you finally pregnant I grin like a child. So happy for you. You've been through so much! :kiss:


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## jessieles

Thanks Pickle :cloud9::hugs:- how are those gorgeous girlies?


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## Pickletilly

They are fab thanks :) how's bubs movements? Getting beaten up yet? :cloud9:


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## mirandaprice

Happy 30 weeks!


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## jessieles

Thanks girls, 30 weeks omg, time is flying! So excited now, although the thought of labour is creeping into my head every now and again!

Yep getting beaten up by bubs haha. got another 4d scan tomorrow, I know it seems obsessibe but this 1 came free when I bought my pram haha. so excited to see babys face again, gonna drink coke and hopefully get baby moving this time!


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## PrincessTaz

Wow 30 weeks already, that's gone so fast! Enjoy your scan :)


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## fairyy

Happy 30 weeks Jess! :flower:


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## Pickletilly

How was your scan Jess? Are you getting nervous about labour? I never really got the chance to even think about that, but I think I'd be terrified! Would you have an epidural?


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## jessieles

The scan was useless haha...once again baby curled into a ball and we didnt get 1 image. They offerd a free rebooking so i cudnt resist 1 more try..so that is a week friday. 

Yeh i have been thinking about labour and i wont lie it terrifies me!! Ive always said no to an epidural but i know when im in the situation who knows!


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## mirandaprice

Depending how quick your labour is an epidural may seem a godsend , so never hurts to keep it as a last option. 

I hope baby cooperates for the next ultrasound!


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## PrincessTaz

Fingers crossed you get some good pics next time, cheeky monkey is already causing havoc lol.

I'd definitely say go with the flow, I had such a detailed birth plan but I soon realised you are not in control. Hopefully you'll have a lovely quick labour x


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## Teeny Weeny

It must be a girl Jessie! My DD was a pain at every scan and even through labour and delivery. I hope your next scan is more successful. 

And a huge congratulations Princess Taz. I've just seen your ticker. Xx


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## PrincessTaz

Teeny weeny thank you :flower:


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## jessieles

Hey girls. 

I haven't been on here as I haven't been in work. 

Teeny Weeny- congratulations on your little baby girl!! :flower:

I had my 4d scan again Friday, last week yet again baby was curled in a ball. That is the last scan now, countdown to meet baba.

Still loving being pregnant, now feeling tired and uncomfortable. Cant wait to meet baba too!
 



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## PrincessTaz

Aww what a cute picture :)

I don't envy you being heavily pregnant this week, it's so hot today I feel like I could pass out. Must be awful for you. Not long now until you get to meet your little princess x


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## TinyLynne

I've been out for a long time! Much needed and helpful, but have thought of you so much! What a beautiful picture Jess! I'm definitely saying girl too! I am so very very very happy for you. Princess Taz, I see you have one in the oven too! Yay!


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## jessieles

Ooooh your back!! Ive been so worried about you! How are you? xx


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## mirandaprice

Happy 34 weeks jessie!


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## jessieles

Hey girls! 

34 weeks down, 6 to go. I'm really hoping for an early baby, this baby likes to get right under my ribs. Don't get me wrong I've loved every minute of being pregnant, but I cannot wait to meet this baby now!

I have uploaded 2 pics, the nakey 1 shows the bump better I think!

Everything is ready and waiting now, nursery done, bednest on way, pram ready, just a waiting game now eeeeek!!
 



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## Teeny Weeny

You look beautiful. Xx


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## jessieles

Teeny Weeny said:


> You look beautiful. Xx

Thanks hun! Howa u and baby? xxx


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## mirandaprice

Beautiful bump - pregnancy looks good on you Jessie!


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## PrincessTaz

Beautiful bump x


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## Teeny Weeny

jessieles said:


> Teeny Weeny said:
> 
> 
> You look beautiful. Xx
> 
> Thanks hun! Howa u and baby? xxxClick to expand...

We are good thank you. She is a month today and the time just flies. She is a lovely little chub and just scrummy! The other children love her too which is great. :thumbup: xx


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## TinyLynne

Such a gorgeous bump Jess! It suits you so well!


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## Pickletilly

Just beautiful Jess :kiss: 
Time is flying by!


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## jessieles

Had my midwife apt today, baby was measuring bigger, so above the line on the graph, so she said if its the same at my next apt I will need a scan to check size eeeeek!


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## PrincessTaz

They're not always right, I was told my ds would be 10lbs and he was only 7.3lbs x


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## jessieles

Yeh, a few people have said that, it was a diff midwife too so im not taking any notice!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 35 weeks!


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## fairyy

Gorgeous bump Jess. Totally agree with Miranda pregnancy looks good on you :)
Happy 35 weeks!


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## jessieles

Thanks girlies, 7 days left in work, mat leave cant come quick enough!

Every one around me is saying no way will I go 4 more weeks as baba is looking big and low haha, im hoping they are right!!


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## PrincessTaz

yay for maternity, it's so nice knowing you get so long off work, I already can't wait to start mine.

I thought I'd be early too but my waters went on my due date, not too bad to be fair. Hope baby doesn't keep you waiting too long :)


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## jessieles

Eeeek I cant wait to meet him/her. Although the thought of labour is petrifying!

Sooo thirsty all the time, I literally cant get enough to drink! third tri is defo like going back to 1st tri, although more uncomfortable haha xx


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## jessieles

My last week in work this week, I cannot believe it. then 10 months off! I seriously don't think its even sunk in im pregnant yet haha, its like its all been a whirlwind.

Sleeping is pretty non existent these days, between needing to wee, baby moving and pains. Although its almost like I don't even need it anymore, I get straight up when my alarm goes off. 

I am looking forward to chilling though after this week. Although Im still praying for an early baby!

I cant believe after this long heartbreaking journey I am startin mat leave this week!

Also this sunday we have a day at the hospital, to visit the birthing centre, do breathing excercises etc. scary!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 36 weeks!

Hope this last week goes quick, little baba should hopefully be here soon!


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## TinyLynne

Yayyy! Soooo close Jess! How wonderful that you get such a nice long leave! So exciting how close he/she is to making his/her arrival!!


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## jessieles

Thanks girls, I am sooo excited to meet baba. Just soooo nervous about getting it here haha xx


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## jessieles

36 weeks bump xx
 



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## mirandaprice

Your bump is so beautiful Jessie!


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## fairyy

That is such a lovely bump Jess :)


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## jessieles

My last day of work today. Cant believe it! Everything seems so long ago.

The moment I gave shaun the positive test and he broke down, the 6 week scan, the 9 week scan, looking at that little bean, praying it would stick, and now im leavin work. Its madness. I have loved every minute of it. I cannot wait to meet baba now though, to find out if I have a son or a daughter and to cover it with kisses. I pray to god I go into labour soon, I just cannot see how I can grow any bigger haha, plus I am soooo uncomfortable.


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## jessieles

Just got back from midwife- head is engaged and I am measuring a week ahead so shes arranging a scan :happydance:


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## TinyLynne

Ahhhh!!!! Such good news Jess! Sounds like He/She is getting ready!


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## fairyy

Jess it seems so nostalgic! Isn't it! Your baby will be in your arms soon. Can't wait to see the pics of this beautiful baby.:cloud9:


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## mirandaprice

Sounds like baby is getting ready to come soon!


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## Babylove100

Wow I can't believe your 37 weeks already!! Very much looking forward to the news of your pink or blue arrival!!x


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## Teeny Weeny

Happy full term. Come on baby Jessie, we're all waiting! Lol xx


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## jessieles

Thanks girls. Im lovin not bein in work. Went to hospital sunday for a class, they talked us through everything, showed us the birthing centre, talked thru pain relief etc. Now all day ive had stroooong period pains. I have no idea what to expect and right now am a little scared!!


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## mirandaprice

Happy 37 weeks!

Period pains could be the start of something - how exciting!!


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## PrincessTaz

Happy 37 weeks hun, your bump is beautiful.

Yay for finally being on maternity leave, enjoy it. So excited for you to meet your little one x


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## TinyLynne

Oh how exciting! Now we just wait!!


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## TinyLynne

So close!!! Thinking of you and hoping all is still well! Can't wait to see that beautiful baby!


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## PrincessTaz

Hey lovely, how are things going? Xx


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## jessieles

Hi Girls.

I havent been on in aages as the last 2 weeks have been crazy! 

Thomas Iestyn Roy Collins was born on 27th August at 7.15am...weighing a whopping 8lb13. 3 weeks early!!

He is absolutely perfect.

Basically i rang the ward on 25th to be checked over as i was struggling to even walk. They examined me and said my back waters had gone so i had to stay in. On 26th I was induced at 5pm...had my waters broke which showed i had a condition called polyhydramnious, basically too much fluid. I have never seen so much water in my life. Apparently my midwife should have noticed. Then the contractions started, an hour later i was given a hormone drip to speed things along. I was warned the contractions would come fast and hard. I tried gas and air and pethadine and around 11pm was told i was in for a long night. I opted for an epidural, this wore off 3 times. At 6am i started pushing, after 30 mins they used the ventuse, 15 mins later they cut me and used forceps. Im not gonna lie, the aftermath of the cuts have been horrendous but im getting there slowly.

Its definately a shock to the system. He is a little owl an likes to sleep all day and up all night. But i adore him!!


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## mirandaprice

Congrats jessie!


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## TinyLynne

Oh congrats Jessie!!!! I'm so excited! I was hoping all was well and I'm so glad he is here safe and sound!!!

I'm so happy for you!!!!!


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## Teeny Weeny

A huge congratulations on the birth of baby Thomas. Xx


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## jessieles

Girls...did any of u have a windy baby?

Im at my wits end. I say its wind but my hubby jus says its restlessness. Tom sleeps all day and settles after a feed but at night from like 10 til 4 he wont settle. He figits...kicks his arms and legs....grizzles...gets angry...and last night was my first night alone and he was up 10 til 4. Ive changed his milk to aptimil colic milk and im using infacol. Its exhaustin and i dread each night!!


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## mirandaprice

James was gassy, I used to use gripe water or gas drops. Sometimes if it's gas it helps to windmill there legs, like they're riding a bicycle...or patting their lower back to help un trap it


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