# My 4yr old has just been diagnosed with autism



## mummyof3babas

still in shock i think, any other mums going through the same? hes been diagnosed with high fuctioning autism and atm it just feels like each day is getting harder:(


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## alibaba24

hi :flower:

lots of autism mummies on here hopefully you can get some good advice :hugs: 

sometimes its good to just offload


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## Reid

My son's 4 next month he's been referred to be assessed for autism.
Times I think no no way he is and others I think (mostly when he's in meltdown ) yes he is.
I have been told there's a bit of a waiting list for he assessment so have no idea when we will find out.
Xxx


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## Reid

What is it you're finding hard at the moment x


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## PresqueVu

It's a lot of new information to take in, and if it's anything like our home life - not much time to take it in either! :flower:

What are you finding hard at that moment with him?


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## mummyof3babas

the constant meltdowns, then he can get very very hyperactive and if u say enough now it turns into another meltdown and just the shock of this new diagnosis and keep thinking about his future which is silly really i guess but i just want him to be happy:(


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## PresqueVu

Sounds familiar!

Of course it's not silly to worry about his future and this will be a shock to begin with! I think every parent does worry though, regardless of what the child might have. You don't need to be so hard on yourself :hugs:

There are a lot of adults on the spectrum that have never been diagnosed, or are getting this only recently. It's becoming a more understood thing, and there are plenty of people around who have found way of managing and coping with these differences without having the support that is now available. Children on the spectrum now imo will already be off to an easier start, as there is more help available :flower:

Re the meltdowns have you had any joy with sensory type toys? light up glow sticks, large colourful sand timers, things like this and this are favourites with my boy. We have a 'calm down' box that when he feels like he might be heading towards a meltdown he can take a toy and be calm with it in his bed and learn to manage his emotions himself a bit more.

Sometimes, you just have to make sure they are safe and leave them to it. ANY comment or touch will make things worse. That's not anything to do with how you are dealing with it, or how they feel towards you, it's just what can happen with them in the moment.

We need a 'meltdown tactics' sticky for this section I think! :thumbup:

Could help to start a diary and help record what things are working the best for him?


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## mummyof3babas

thankyou hun!! im going to try some of these toys and yes sometimes i just sit and cry because i feel so bad for him because at the min hes struggling and looks so sad most of the time :( hoping for things to get easier for him when all the support gets put into place,, on a good note the doctor has said hes very clever and can see a few strengths in him:)


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## Thurinius

Hey my son is four and we are waiting for the official diagnosis but unofficially there seems little doubt that he is autistic. Like you it came as a complete shock and surprise.
The only two things I can recommend to keep you sane during this stressful and upsetting time is:
1) don't look too far into the future, difficult I know. But really no one can know what the prognosis is at this stage so don't torture yourself. One year ago my son was entirely non verbal. Now he is a chatty little fellow and just sang happy birthday down the phone to his grandad.
2) don't google it. You'll only depress yourself.

Aside from that I had very good advice from someone on here who told me that my son is still the same little boy he was prior to,diagnosis. That really helped because I love my little boy.
Hugs to you coz I've been there and it is horrible I know.


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## Reid

It's not silly it's the very same thing I worry about his future when I'm not here I try not to over think these things. Going back to when my son was going to main stream nursery was a awful time for us the nursery couldn't cope and it came to the point I was phoned every session to go and get him after 20 mins even 10 mins I was at breaking point and it takes a lot to get me there anyway to cut a long story short my son was moved to a more specialised nursery it's separate rooms (old 1 was opened planned) and there's only 6 kids In each room along with 3 members of staff so he gets a lot more 1 to 1 this has been an absolute god send my little boy loves it the staff are fantastic and he's in nursery 6 hours twice a week no phone calls not 1 I can see how much more happy he is in the 6 weeks he's been going there. We've also been able to get him into a steady sleeping pattern which I never ever thought possible 
I use relaxation music when I put him to bed and I think this has really helped I used to use the TV to try and get him to stay in bed but think it was to stimulating for him.
It still is very difficult when he goes off on 1 to get him to settle down for example when I bring him in the house from playing outside this triggers mega meltdown which can go on for 30 mins screaming crying shouting flinging things 
I love the idea above about the calm box definitely going to see how I can implement this they actually have a sensory room in his nursery for calming the kids fancy lights heated water mats on the floor 
Is your little guy at nursery just now xx


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## Reid

PresqueVu said:


> Sounds familiar!
> 
> Of course it's not silly to worry about his future and this will be a shock to begin with! I think every parent does worry though, regardless of what the child might have. You don't need to be so hard on yourself :hugs:
> 
> There are a lot of adults on the spectrum that have never been diagnosed, or are getting this only recently. It's becoming a more understood thing, and there are plenty of people around who have found way of managing and coping with these differences without having the support that is now available. Children on the spectrum now imo will already be off to an easier start, as there is more help available :flower:
> 
> Re the meltdowns have you had any joy with sensory type toys? light up glow sticks, large colourful sand timers, things like this and this are favourites with my boy. We have a 'calm down' box that when he feels like he might be heading towards a meltdown he can take a toy and be calm with it in his bed and learn to manage his emotions himself a bit more.
> 
> Sometimes, you just have to make sure they are safe and leave them to it. ANY comment or touch will make things worse. That's not anything to do with how you are dealing with it, or how they feel towards you, it's just what can happen with them in the moment.
> 
> We need a 'meltdown tactics' sticky for this section I think! :thumbup:
> 
> Could help to start a diary and help record what things are working the best for him?

That's a brilliant idea start the thread for meltdown tactics &#128522;&#128518;


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## mummyof3babas

lynne1983 said:


> It's not silly it's the very same thing I worry about his future when I'm not here I try not to over think these things. Going back to when my son was going to main stream nursery was a awful time for us the nursery couldn't cope and it came to the point I was phoned every session to go and get him after 20 mins even 10 mins I was at breaking point and it takes a lot to get me there anyway to cut a long story short my son was moved to a more specialised nursery it's separate rooms (old 1 was opened planned) and there's only 6 kids In each room along with 3 members of staff so he gets a lot more 1 to 1 this has been an absolute god send my little boy loves it the staff are fantastic and he's in nursery 6 hours twice a week no phone calls not 1 I can see how much more happy he is in the 6 weeks he's been going there. We've also been able to get him into a steady sleeping pattern which I never ever thought possible
> I use relaxation music when I put him to bed and I think this has really helped I used to use the TV to try and get him to stay in bed but think it was to stimulating for him.
> It still is very difficult when he goes off on 1 to get him to settle down for example when I bring him in the house from playing outside this triggers mega meltdown which can go on for 30 mins screaming crying shouting flinging things
> I love the idea above about the calm box definitely going to see how I can implement this they actually have a sensory room in his nursery for calming the kids fancy lights heated water mats on the floor
> Is your little guy at nursery just now xx

great advice hun!:) and he isnt hun:( its an impossible task atm!:( were working on it though x


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## Reid

Where do you live? were in Scotland if you no where to get help that's half the battle the 2 people that were key in getting my son moved to the new nursery were Educational psychologist and the
Children's Services Support Officer (CSSO) see if you can get referred to them or there phone number and get in touch ask if there's any specialist nursery's in you area I cam only tell you what I know about my son's nursery but take it other specialist nursery's would be similar 
Staff ratio 1 member to 2 kids 
(His old nursery was 1 staff to 8 kids)
All the staff are trained in additional needs support for things like speech delay and disorders autism ect. They don't bombard them with language they use picture exchange to help encourage communication they also have fantastic outside resources that come to the nursery speech therapist if you can get your little boy into a nursery like this he'll come on leaps and bounds the staff are really top class xx


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## Starry Night

Sorry, no real advice. We just received an autism diagnosis for our son nearly 3 weeks ago now. So I can sympathize with the feelings. It was such a shock! And now I'm trying to sort through all the information and find out what is available. There is SO much the doctor doesn't tell you. We were given a little binder filled with papers and sent on our way. It's all so overwhelming and I'm already wanting to throw in the towel.

I did manage to find a local contact who is a little further ahead in this journey so I guess I do have one piece of advice: network. Talk to friends, see if anyone knows anyone who would be willing to show you the way.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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