# Need opinions!



## TattieHattie

Hey girlies.. :thumbup:
Well, as some of you may know, i've been getting problems with Kaylum's real FOB and his family. 
My best friend is girlfriend to Kaylum's fathers best friend :wacko:
And Sean's (FOB) Mum (Sally) has been harrassing my best friend to sneak a DNA sample of Kaylum. 
Now i agreed with Sally to do a DNA but i wanted it done by a doctor and said i'd pay for it if it came back negative (Wich their isnt a chance of :haha:)
But she's been lying to my best friend saying that im refusing..etc.. 
So My best friend told me Sally's plan and me and the family have came up with a way to get rid of them once and for all.
We are going to let my best friend come round with the swab's and let my step-dad do the swab's! :haha: Which i think is a good plan. 
Sally can't come back to me or my family and kick off about it, as she will be carrying out the DNA ilegally, as i'm supposed to have to sign a concent form! which " i wont know about".. 
Need a few opinions on this, as it could back fire into alot of hassle and name calling on their half.
Let me know what you think xxx


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## Char&Bump-x

Hmmm, it may sound like a good idea in the heat of the moment but what about when Kaylum wants to know his dad when he's older?

Personally i dont think its a good idea x


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## TattieHattie

If only you could see what his dad is like. 

I will breifly tell you good and bad point about FOB! 
He is up for a battery/ABH charge at the end of this month. 
He is registered with Phycotic episodes (which he is using to get away with the ABH) 
He spends all his benifits on canibis! 
He cant even look after a kitten, (it goes without food so he can buy his weed) 
He is dealing canibis! 
his mum is registered with bipolar.
She has 8 children with 7 different dads (Not that theirs anything wrong with that!) 
She has attempted to take her life 3 times in the last year and been sectioned twice in a year!.
He doesn't/ Wont work. 

Good points.. 
He knows what to do with children.
He is kind when he wants to be.
and i really cant think of anything else! .. 
xx


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## Char&Bump-x

So if you were to do a real DNA and that proved he was Kaylums dad, what would you do then?

I know my opinion doesnt really matter cos its totally your decision, i just think if they found out, you would probably get a lot of sh*t from them x


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## TattieHattie

i'd be going trough years of court to keep him and his family away from Kaylum.. 
His mum took Kaylum and told me sean was in bed the day he was supposed to have him.. turns out he wasn't even their n she lied! 

their just going to make my life hell both ways, but if i let my step dad do the DNA instead of Kaylum. then they will eventually leave me alone for good. 

it does matter :D .. Because i really need to think before i do! and if no1 thinks its a good idea i wont do it, :) xx


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## Char&Bump-x

Well at the end of the day you need to do what is best for Kaylum, if you truly believe that is not letting fob & his family away then so be it.

What does your mum think?

xx


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## TattieHattie

it was mum and step-dad's idea LOL 
i truely think he has got everything he needs and i dont want him growing up with them influencing his life with all the stuff they do it's not good for him. 
But their is that quesyion of what to tell him when he his older and asks. 
xx


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## Boony

I dont know much about DNA but would they be able to tell that the sample was taken from a adult rather than a baby? 

Also would it cause mor problems from them once the test came back negative because they'd be saying that you lied to FOB?


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## Char&Bump-x

You'd either have to lie to him (which i assume you wouldn't want to do) or tell him the truth and hope he understands, obviously when he's old enough to.

It really is a hard thing to do, just make sure you're 100% sure about what you want to do before you do it :hugs:


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## lynnikins

you can still tell your LO when he is old enough to make a choice about if he wants his dad invovled in his life or not and help him track down his dad if he wants to and just explain why you did what you did,


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## JoJo16

do you think they will even bother going through courts? 
i thought about doing a fake dna with alice lol!! i cant be bothered with all he hassle but i decided it was a bad idea in the long run.
i think if u do the dna tes it comes back positive but you say there not seeing kaylum they wont even bother going through courts and stuff because its a process which takes a very long time. (its happening to me). even if they did eventually go through courts i think all he would get would be supervised access and his mum wont get anything.


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## TattieHattie

I know this is my problem! lol 
my friend is being pressured into saying yes to doing the DNA on Kaylum, which is infact ilegal, she shouldn't be aloud to do it because i'm not going to be their to sign any consent for it. 
So i'm thinking why should i bother to give the right DNA if she's going to be like that (wich sounds childish).
another friend of mine said to do a video of my step dad doing the swab, just incase things go to far and get out of hand with it all or if my ex finds out and thinks even worse of me!.. 
If Kaylum wants to know FOB when he's alot older i wont mind so much because he'l be old enough to see for himself. 

its a hard choice but i think i'm going to do it.
The court will take a long time, but even so with supervised visits its not enough for FOB to bond with him which is bad, from my own experiences, i only got to know my dad when i was in my teens because of all the odd visits, so i got attached only to find out alot of stuff i would have rather not known that affected me, for a long time i loved my dad, but now i dont at all.
So for Kaylum to get attached through the occasional visit to me that seems worse. 

I talk wayy too much!.. but will keep u all updated as my friend is coming round to mine on monday, so i'm going to see what she says because she knows me best and knows FOB alot better than i do. 

xxx


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## bump_wanted

do you think they will have a go at you if the illegal test comes back negative...cause that'd be too funny...i see where you are coming from wantin to do this, if it were me i'd want to but i wouldn't have the balls to go thru with it xx


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## xx~Lor~xx

It's a very difficult situation. I don't know whether it is a particularly good idea, BUT, having said that, their family does not sound like a good one.. and besides if they are trying to do an illegal test, then really they cannot come at you too much as then they would be in trouble for doing an illegal test in the first place.. 

I don't think it's right, but I think, in this case, it might be the best thing. Let us know what you decide hun. 

xoxox


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## Mummy2Asher

id actually go for it! ive had 4 years of crap from my sons biological dad and which id have just let him walk away when he did, i thought it would be in the best interest of my son to pursue him to see Asher but 4years later i know i made the wrong mistake. my son is constantly upset as every time hes arranged to see his dad we get him ready and tell him and wait and wait and he never shows and i have to deal with him being distraught. no birthday cards or christmas cards, no interest at all and as children they get older they really realise this. Ash will say 'my daddy never comes to see me and we wait and wait and he doesnt come', its heartbreaking.
i think no dad is better then a dad who treats their children awefully and puts them through so much. xx


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## AP

hmmm id be tempted..... i wouldnt normally agree but his family are outta line, you could really get peace outta this eventually....


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## TattiesMum

JoJo16 said:


> do you think they will even bother going through courts?
> i thought about doing a fake dna with alice lol!! i cant be bothered with all he hassle but i decided it was a bad idea in the long run.
> i think if u do the dna tes it comes back positive but you say there not seeing kaylum they wont even bother going through courts and stuff because its a process which takes a very long time. (its happening to me). even if they did eventually go through courts i think all he would get would be supervised access and his mum wont get anything.


The trouble is that FOB's Mum has been threatening to go to court since they first found out about Kaylum - she mentions it *every* chance she gets ... including being convinced that she has rights as a grandparent to see him seperately and threatening to take Tattie to court on her own account. This being the UK she doesn't actually have any rights, but she can still apply to the courts for permission to apply for a contact order :dohh:

She wouldn't get it of course, and nor would FOB get anything other than supervised acess because we would insist on drug and psych tests, but I know from experience just how many years we could be looking at of dragging backwards and forwards to court :( 

Plus she really is completely unbalanced - one minute she is sending Tattie nice texts and the next she is sending her abuse .... I've been there when she does it and the change comes with no provocation from Tattie at all :shrug: She uses her Bi-polar as an excuse to behave exactly as she wants to :growlmad:

It took me 3 years to get supervised access only for my ex husband (FOB to all 3 of mine) and the stress it caused was awful :cry: Which you know if you are having to go through it yourself :hugs: I had no option but to do it for my childrens' physical safety and I *never * said anything bad about him to the kids - but eventually as they got older they saw him for what he is by themselves and that realisation hurt them far more than never having seen him would have done :cry: 

This DNA test isn't even legal - they need Tattie's permission (and signature) to do one .... and Tattie has already said that she will happily do one through her GP (which *would* be a sample from Kaylum and which would come back positive). 

Instead this insane woman is trying to get a sample without Tattie even knowing about it (by asking her friend to take one behind Tattie's back). She will then presumably forge Tattie's signature or claim that Kaylum is her child when she sends the test off to the lab :wacko:

Why, when Tattie has already agreed to a DNA done properly, is this woman telling Tattie's friend that we have refused a DNA and asking her to commit a criminal offence??? It's a measure of just what type of person we are dealing with here and tbh I don't think that having these seriously disturbed people in his life is in Kaylum's best interests .... even if it is under supervision. 

Plus they are legally entitled to keep dragging it to court every time they want to apply for someone new to supervise the visits (contact centre places only last for so long :( ) ... so in theory they could keep this going for up to 16 years :shrug: and scarily they seem mad enough to do it just for the pleasure of causing grief :shrug:

I don't know, I really don't ... I'm really not infallible or all knowing LOL - but my gut is telling me to get rid :nope: 

Which is worse - telling Kaylum when he gets older or allowing these people to mess with his head for all of his growing up?

For once I really don't know what to do for the best - so advice from you girls is really needed... you have a way of getting to the nub of things that I really trust - tell us what you really think 

:hugs::hugs:


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## lynnikins

id say for kaylum's sake then keep him away from FOB till he is old enough to make the choice about seeing FOB himself, if they arent nice people and have the issues you describe then kaylum is better off without them in his life esp when he is too young to understand and would just get hurt if FOB didnt show for contact and didnt send cards or presents.

My dh's little sister doesnt have any contact with her dad or his family and hasnt since he walked out on her and MIL and it hasnt hurt her in the slightest she has my DH and his brother as male rolemodels in her life and doesnt need her ******* father messing with her head


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## bump_wanted

the only thing id worry about would be if Kaylum ever wanted to see his dad when he got older would it mean opening a whole can of worms...plus my pride would get in the way if they get the DNA back as negative wouldnt they just keep annoying Tattie anyway?? i really can see why she would want this a bit to get her own back and i can see why you wouldnt want her to go through court and everything it sounds a horrible experience...oooo its a tough one..xx


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## fantastica

Personally...I don't think I would do that...it could cause a lot of problems when Kaylum is older and wants to know his dad...what if in 16 years the FOB is completely different? Kaylum might not like the fact you lied about it etc...even though its probably what's best for him now, it might not end up being in everyone's best interests. 

However...if he is dealing drugs..then I would report him (anon. possibly?!) and then there's no chance he'll get any access anyway!

I know its stressful...but they'll get fed up with court eventually, they don't look like good people so its unlikely anything will rule in their favour!

Could your friend just tell them she's not agreeing to do it as you've said you're willing for a legit one?! Or let them do it and then report them ...i'm not a grass but some people need to be taught a lesson  

HOpe you get everything sorted xx


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## Laura2919

I dont think its a good idea to be honest. For your sons sake just give her the DNA test whatever way she wants it.. Your son is who is most important and this feels more like point scoring! 
I know it might sound good but when the test comes back negative then what names are they going to call you and what lies are they going to spread. You cannot then blame them because its you that started it. 

Not a good idea personally.


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## MummyGooch

No I wouldn't do it tbh hun. Whilst I completely understand how frustrating the situation is for you, it just will just make you seem petty and spiteful, especially if you do eventually end up in court and you don't want that :nope: I would tell your friend to refuse to be caught up in this and take the normal legal route you have planned.

You are a mum now and as hard as it can be for _anyone_ to ignore it, you need to rise above their schemes and name calling. UK courts these days are becoming very *for* father's rights, they will grant a biological father at the very least supervised access at a specialised centre _unless_ he is a danger to the child. Even violence towards you (for example) is not neccessarily enough to stop his contact with his child. I don't think this is right or fair, just sadly the way the system is at the moment :dohh: 
For this reason, you really do need to paint yourself whiter than white and then the court (if they do indeed bother to take you that far) is likely to take your concerns as a parent seriously and accomodate them.

In the meantime, it might be less stressful for you to cut all informal contact with FOB and his family if they are being so difficult or abusive.

All the best hun :hugs:


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## sweetlullaby

:hugs: I do understand very much where you both are coming from. I have court tomorrow for a dna test etc :nope: and it's going to be a horrible long process with access etc Im dreading it and if there had of been an easier way out at the time I maybe would have taken it. :hugs: 

I wouldn't use someone else's dna though with the friend "illegally" taking a sample from another family member type thing. Do they not need a swab of dna from LO's mother? If so the dna test result will come back as FOB not being the father but also as LO's mother not being the mother if that makes sense. Even using family dna and passing it off as LO's the tests they do will show sort of a weaker link on the mother's side and you's will probably all get letters saying the samples have been tampered with or something. Not sure how it all works though but you's could get into a lot of trouble even years down the line for it :hugs:

Hope everything works out though in the long run.


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## Ablaski17

Hey the situation you in sucks. Even though court will be a pain in the ass it's better to do it and go through it then take a fake DNA swab ....if this girl is really your friend she wouldn't go behind your back and take a swab from him if you asked her not to. Personally in my opnion if I were you and I knew she would go behind my back I wouldn't let her around my child. If his mother wants a DNA test thy bad an legally and wants her grandparent rights then she will do it the right way and do it through your GP. If and when she sends you all these drastic texts save them so when you do end up in court you have them to prove she is insane. I don't know about the UK but in the US if the fob had all these charges against him and jail time they most likely wouldn't even let him see the baby. I just think if you lie about it down the line it will come back and bite you in the ass , mabey as in kaylum getting pissed you did that and not wantin to talk/lie with you and go off with his father. You know who his dad is I think he should be able to know him even if it is with supervised visits I mean who knows the courts might not even grant him any rights at all. If he is still like the way he is when kaylum is say 16 he will realize it on his own. Good luck! Keep us updated on you decision.

P.s - if things are spelt all wrong it's cause Iam on my phone


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## TattiesMum

Thanks girls :)

One of the problems about this whole thing is that Tattie has quite clearly said to FOB and his Mum that she is happy for Kaylum to take the DNA - as long as it is done via her GP, so that it is totally legal and above board .... ie whiter than white. 

FOB's mum has ignored this and has lied to Tattie's friend - saying that Tattie refused to do a DNA. We think that she has done this because Tattie refused to pay for all of the cost (we offered to pay half) unless FOB turns out not to be the father (which won't happen and FOB's Mum knows it).

Tattie's friend is a good one - to both Tat and our family, so she has told Tattie what has been asked of her .... BUT she is too scared of FOB's Mum to tell her outright that she won't do it (the woman can be violent and is not averse to just punching people - including her own kids - if she doesn't get her own way). She can't just avoid FOB's Mum as HER OH lives with FOB :(

A lot of internet DNA companies (which this one is) don't take swabs from the mother - they aren't really needed to get a definitive result ... just to stop people doing stuff like this!

Here in the UK he *will* get access ... but it will also be supervised until such time as his drug tests and psych evaluations are clear. His Mother doesn't stand a cat in hells chance of even gaining permnission to apply for contact on her own behalf .... although that won't stop her from constant harrassment - but I guess we will eventually be able to get a restraining order against her contacting Tattie, Kaylum or us (we have saved all texts etc and will continue to do so).

I'm kind of thinking now that if we can help Tattie's friend get out of it simply by her saying that she was never alone with Kaylum to take the test... and then let the CSA do a DNA when the time comes for them to assess his benefits for child support (which they will do automatically as Tattie is claiming income support at the moment). THAT test would be legal and above board and whatever court proceedings they choose to take after that we will just have to deal with :(

I do see exactly what so many of you have said ... it may be a quick fix now, but it holds the potential to cause huge problems in the future - tempting though getting rid of them now may be!!

Why is my life never free from stress? :dohh:


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## polo_princess

However tempting, i think you know in your heart that this isnt a good idea. You would be building your sons life based on a lie? You dont want that for him do you? :shrug:

All you need to do is take this to a solicitor and arrange to have a DNA test done through the courts/CSA, ok it might cost more, but everyone will know where they stand, and the truth is the truth.

Imagine if you went ahead with your plan, got found out, and they took you to court? It seriously would not work in your favour that you did that chick :)

I know its a crap situation but youve got to suck it up and do things the right way :)


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## TattiesMum

polo_princess said:


> However tempting, i think you know in your heart that this isnt a good idea. You would be building your sons life based on a lie? You dont want that for him do you? :shrug:
> 
> All you need to do is take this to a solicitor and arrange to have a DNA test done through the courts/CSA, ok it might cost more, but everyone will know where they stand, and the truth is the truth.
> 
> Imagine if you went ahead with your plan, got found out, and they took you to court? It seriously would not work in your favour that you did that chick :)
> 
> I know its a crap situation but youve got to suck it up and do things the right way :)

They couldn't take Tattie to court for a false DNA test - because it wouldn't have been done legally the way they are trying to do it, so they would actually end up being in far more trouble for forging Tattie's signature - but I do take on board exactly what you mean :hugs:

The CSA route will be cheaper than the legal route - Tattie won't get legal aid to pay for a DNA test, but FOB will have to pay for a CSA one, because he is the one disputing paternity .... that seems like the best way to go.


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## polo_princess

I know it must be awfully hard to deal with as a family, but take the moral highground, dont stoop to their petty, self indulgent games. Go via the correct channels, get the DNA test done properly and go from there.


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## Alexandra91

What a horrible situation! from what i got from it was a lot of people seemed to be wrapped up in the whole thing? OH lives with FOB?! or did i get that wrong? and your friend who they asked to take the DNA illegally must of said to them that she would do it? and then told u about it? I think if you are going to go ahead with the fake DNA the less people who know the better, it could all to easily come back and bite you on the bum! Could you not just change your numbers and ignore them? thats what i plan on doing with FOB who sounds a lot like yours! he is demanding DNA as well and ive said as long as he arranges it thats fine but i dont want to hear from him until then? send an email saying this so its on record and then completely ignore them, and cut all ties with people who are maybe not so loyal which is kinda how it seemed to me? i could be wrong but i really hope it all works out it is such a crappy situation :( xxxx


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## purpledahlia

Sorry i didnt finish reading all the replies, However, I really dont think its a good Idea. From what i gather, The issues are with the mother, her lying to her friend, her friend/your friend being in the middle, when its actually nothing to do with her. The whole thing seems its other family members with the issues, This isnt about anyone but the child!
I would let them go to court, Let them lie to freinds, it doesnt matter in the long run, your doing a fab job of being his mummy and his grandmummy, thats all that matters? If you dont want to apply for CSA thats fine, and if you do, well he should be paying anyways.
If they take you to court and apply for these orders, let them, it will take years and be expensive, just tell your friend she should be telling them its nothing to do with her and she doesnt want to be involved. I think in the long run, for your son, This will only make him mad at you. he wont understand as a child why you did this, and it will only push him towards him, The children need to find out for themselves that their dads are deadbeats, if that means them being upset when they find out the truth its much much better than them hating you for making the decision for them. They have to figure it out themselves in the end. I really really dont think its a good idea, whether or not its done 'illegally' its still lying to your son and his etended family, whether or not you like it, they are family, and it doesnt matter how many kids she has or if she has bi-polar, its about the father and his true colours will come out.
If he takes you to court you can delay it and delay it by telling them you want him drug tested, supervised acces only, he might not even bother with all the hassle of it tbh!


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## TattieHattie

My friend's OH lives with FOb :haha:
Which is why she agreed to FOB's mum that she would do the test, because her OH told her to just agree! But however she told me and said she will obviously not do it.

I know it is the wrong way to go about it just to save myself some stress.
But i know FOB pritty well and i KNOW what lies he will come out with in court
(these lies would be why his mum is so nasty to me- and why she is demanding DNA) :growlmad:
And i know he will throw the whole "unfit mother" thing at me, as he has already done.
He will persist in the court for as long as it takes because he hates me as much as i do him and will want to do anything to get to me (Yes using his son to do this). 

The fake DNA can only make them give me abuse but they are limited to how much they can give me as they are doing it illegally anyway!. 
And if things get to out of hand i will stick and injunction on the lot of them.

The idea was to vidoe record my step-dad doing the DNA test, so if she does give to much abuse, i will show her and then the court process will have to begin. but neither me or them will be able to use the fake DNA in the court because it's all done illegally!. :wacko:

My friend is coming round today, wether she has the DNA swab's on her, i dont know, as when i rung her OH and FOB where their :haha: 

I'm stuck, but i'l see what she says, because their may be more to what FOB and his messed up family have next in store for me and Kaylum! :dohh:

Thank you for everyones help!.. 
Still do let me know what u all think, and i am listenin and taking it all in! its just a confusing situation! :thumbup:
xxxx


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## JessdueJan

I think I'd do it...I'd tell baby the truth when he was old enough...yes he may not like it but I would just explain tht is what was best at the time and I stick by my decision but if he wants to go and get to know his father now he is old enough to make his own mind then that is fine by me. 
You don't need or deserve stress from FOB's family when they're doing things like this...it's ridiculous so just take the opportunity to get rid of them...at least for a good 16 years :) 

good luck with whatever you decide to do xx


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## purpledahlia

I'm sorry i think the whole thing will come back and bite you in the bum... :( I wouldnt do it, Its kinda stooping to their level, I'd just get an injunction on them for harrassment, then if theys till want a DNA they have to go thru court. its better that way,x


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## purpledahlia

Also, your friend will get lots of trouble from the family when they find out the truth, :(


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## summerarmahni

its hard desicion to make, write a list of pros and cons see which list out weighs the other good luck in whatever you decide :) x


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## TattiesMum

purpledahlia said:


> Also, your friend will get lots of trouble from the family when they find out the truth, :(

To be fair she will get lots of trouble from the family if she refuses to do it as well :(

The poor girl is stuck in a no-win situation :shrug:


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## fantastica

I know its probably a lot harder than what i'm about to say lol...but couldn't you just ignore them for a bit?! let them harrass you etc..and then just take all the evidence of this and use it against them?! its a lot of effort on their part to go to court...but they should be the ones who actually have to...not you..so until they do just keep on with your life and taking care of kaylum! Its all going to backfire on them eventually...but you really don't want to give them any cause to get even nastier with you (dna test etc.)

xxx


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## fantastica

TattiesMum said:


> purpledahlia said:
> 
> 
> Also, your friend will get lots of trouble from the family when they find out the truth, :(
> 
> To be fair she will get lots of trouble from the family if she refuses to do it as well :(
> 
> The poor girl is stuck in a no-win situation :shrug:Click to expand...

what does her OH say about it?! Surely he can see how wrong this is!

anyway she could just say there wasn't an opportunity?!


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## TattiesMum

We really need to resolve this in a way that isn't lying to Kaylum and which gets Aimee off the hook with Sean and his mad harpy of a mother ... but I just can't see how :cry:


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## summerarmahni

im not sure if i am right but if he goes to court for a dna test i dont think your allowed to refuse and it may be done proffesionally in an office somewere, dont quote me on that tho its just something i heard a while back when a friend was having a dna test done, maybe look it up x


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## TattiesMum

fantastica said:


> TattiesMum said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> purpledahlia said:
> 
> 
> Also, your friend will get lots of trouble from the family when they find out the truth, :(
> 
> To be fair she will get lots of trouble from the family if she refuses to do it as well :(
> 
> The poor girl is stuck in a no-win situation :shrug:Click to expand...
> 
> what does her OH say about it?! Surely he can see how wrong this is!
> 
> anyway she could just say there wasn't an opportunity?!Click to expand...

Her OH doesn't want to fall out with his best mate (FOB) and is as terrified of FOB's Mum as Tattie's Friend is .... bear in mind that they do all have a history of violence (a history that extends to FOB's sister who has just been released from prison for assualt and ABH :dohh:)

The 'no opportunity' would probably work ... but it's not a one off - FOB's Mum will continue to pressure her until she gets her own way :wacko:

A better way might be to 'catch' Tattie's friend taking the sample ... at least then it would be out in the open and we could deal with it from there.

Oh, but the temptation to just get rid of them is soooooo strong - does Kaylum ever have to know who his Dad is? Couldn't Tattie just say she doesn't know? Is it really in his best interest to know that he is related to these mad people?


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## lynnikins

you dont have to lie to kaylum you can just tell him that his dad isnt around because of problems that happend when he was little , loads of my friends have no contact with their FOB's and the kids know it was caus their mum was taking care of them and looking out for them yeah by the time the kids are 8 then they start to get annoyed by it but then they are old enough to make the choice on their own accord and understand things and have them explained/supervised visits etc.... a baby on the other hand or a young child wouldnt understand. I think you should tell FOB's Mum that you know she asked tatties friend and that you think its dispicable and that the test would be illegal anyway so she would be wasting her money on it and just say again that your happy for a proper DNA through CSA or your GP , but to stop invovling people who dont have to be invovled ie Tatties friend and her OH, and let her know that she will have to go through the courts and CSA with her son to get access to Kaylum as you dont believe they are fit people to be a part of his life


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## purpledahlia

I understtand how much you want them to not be in your lives, believe me i have been tempted to tell Ava's dad that shes not his, but at the end of the day, even if its 25 years down the line, the babies will find out the truth and i dont want to let myself be in a position that Ava has the chance to blame me for a choice i made about her father. if that makes sense, 

I think possibly the best way to handle it would be to 'catch' her, and you ring his mother, tell her like the above poster said, you know she wants a DNA and your all happy to co-operate done by the books. GP/court/csa, if theyre not happy with doing it Legally, then they simply wont get one. And that Tattie and the FOB should sort it out, afterall its their child. Also id mention not getting their friends involved, its not fair on them.

Hopefully they will just not be bothered to go thru court, or they will and you have lots of reasons to delay it all if you wanted!


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## TattieHattie

Friend is on her way now =) ..
I like the idea of catchin her do it, but i will see what she thinks. 
I'm hopeing that they will give up the court stuff because i really dont want them influenceing Kaylum with their "mental health" problems and all the violence. 
Supervised visits only last so long though. And FOB is going to be the one slaggin me down to Kaylum when he's old enough to listen. 
It's all a big mess :( 
Will be posting after ive chatted to Best friend and heard more of what FOB's mum has been saying!.. 
And i will be ringing FOB and his mum to tell them to stop trying to get people involved, as i dont want aimee to have a part in all this its not fair on her or her OH as their my friends and his aswell.

I think the fkae DNA is out of the window, because it could get out of hand! and not nice for more people than just myself.

xxx


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## TattiesMum

summerarmahni said:


> im not sure if i am right but if he goes to court for a dna test i dont think your allowed to refuse and it may be done proffesionally in an office somewere, dont quote me on that tho its just something i heard a while back when a friend was having a dna test done, maybe look it up x

This is the stupid thing.... Tattie isn't refusing to have a DNA test at all - she just said to them that she wanted it done properly and professionally by a doctor or lawyer ...

Then all this started :dohh:

I honestly don't think this is about whether FOB is Kaylum's father at all - I don't think that they have any doubts about it at all ... it's about them creating a whole drama out of nowhere to liven up their lives :wacko:

How sick is that? :(


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## TattiesMum

TattieHattie said:


> Friend is on her way now =) ..
> I like the idea of catchin her do it, but i will see what she thinks.
> I'm hopeing that they will give up the court stuff because i really dont want them influenceing Kaylum with their "mental health" problems and all the violence.
> Supervised visits only last so long though. And FOB is going to be the one slaggin me down to Kaylum when he's old enough to listen.
> It's all a big mess :(
> Will be posting after ive chatted to Best friend and heard more of what FOB's mum has been saying!..
> And i will be ringing FOB and his mum to tell them to stop trying to get people involved, as i dont want aimee to have a part in all this its not fair on her or her OH as their my friends and his aswell.
> 
> I think the fkae DNA is out of the window, because it could get out of hand! and not nice for more people than just myself.
> 
> xxx

No sweetie - supervised access lasts until the child is a full adult .... the only reason that your access with your Dad seemed to be un-supervised after a few years was because Mrs Potato Head was the 'supervisor'.

But 'supervisors' either have to be approved by you or (if you object) then they have to be approved by the courts after a full investigation (which was the case with your Dad) .... don't you remember the Court Welfare Officer coming round all the time to 'chat' with you all?

Also your Dad wasn't doing anything obvious that could be detected ... unlike Sean who's psychiatric and criminal history is well documented and who who's drug use is easily detected :hugs::hugs:


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## susanneb1984

Just remember hun, you need to provide a sample for a DNA test (been through this!) and it would come back as the 'baby sample' wasn't yours either!


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## Janidog

Don't do the fake dna. If it ever gets found out that it is fake then it will reflect badly on you as a parent and they could use that against you in court. Get a harrasment junction out on them and go through the CSA


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## fantastica

'catching' your friend doing it sounds like a good option...its not fair they've got her involved in all this and it seems like a good way to get her off the hook!

does he want to see kaylum? is that what they're eventually after?! 

so sorry you're all going through this, these people sound mad! xx


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## polo_princess

I forgot to ask, Tatties Mum, have you been around to this womans house to try and come to some kinds of resolution?


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## AnnabelsMummy

i don't think you need both perants DNA, only the father's and child's (they try to use both perants' DNA just to show that it's not being faked).. 
as my friends mum had this done via the doctor, and the mother didn't agree (obviously as she was in her 40's the mother didn't really have a say - she could only refuse to have her DNA taken).

Personally, i understand where you're coming from, think i'd look to move away, so he'd never be able to see us (obviously it's silly, but it deffiantly would solve the problem).. 
but in reality, i'm not really sure, i think whatever decision you make, it'll be the right one, but i wouldn't lie to kaylum, if you decide to do it, bring him up knowing what his fathers like (maybe keep proof), don't lie to him.. because in the long run lying will hurt more, then just explain, at the time it was the right thing, and that when he's old enough (and emotionally stable enough) you will support him if he wants to see his father, and you will help him do whatever he decides then. 
it's a really tricky situation for you. 
i hope you make the right decision, :hugs: i know you will make the best one for kaylum - but just think could you be putting him at risk either way? 
maybe get the police involve if they harrass you or him.and just say you don't want them to know it was you who reported it.. that way it could be anyone who's aware of the situation, 
xxxx


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## Eskimobabys

haven't read the whole thread but just get full custody! tell him to relinquish his rights or you'll go after his butt for child support.


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## QuintinsMommy

how'd it go tattie? 
(just read this whole thread LOL took forever )
My FOB is not a good person, and he wants a DNA test but I told him if he wants one, he will get one when I take him to court. 
then I want to fight for him to never be able to see quintin :happydance:


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## Midnight_Fairy

I hope your all ok. I have no advice. I just wish your all ok xxxx


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## Lauraxamy

I really don't know what to say it's a very difficult situation but just do whatever you feel is best for you and Kaylum and I hope it all goes well for you all :hugs:


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## TattiesMum

polo_princess said:


> I forgot to ask, Tatties Mum, have you been around to this womans house to try and come to some kinds of resolution?

I've not been round to her house no, but she has been to ours three times and I've spoken to her on the phone .... every time she has seemed to be relatively rational - although very fond of dropping veiled threats about her 'rights as a grandparent' (at the time I didn't have the heart to point out that she doesn't have any - wish I had now!) and implying that if everything didn't go her way then she would be 'doing it through the courts'.

We HAD a resolution (or so I thought) ... regular access in place, no problems about FOB being Kaylum's Dad from either of them, she bought her younger children round to my house as well, bought Kaylum some clothes and bits ....then without warning and out of the blue she just started raving about DNA tests and abusing Tattie (I was with Tattie at home at the time and we had been togethether all day so I know that there was no provocation from our side :shrug: )

I tried being rational with her, but there is just no reasoning with the woman :nope: It's completely bizaare :wacko: 

My H and I were totally in favour of Kaylum having an ongoing and regular relationship with his Father's family until all this started for no reason - now we are just at a loss tbh :(


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## polo_princess

She sounds jealous, you'd think that as a mother she would think about this rationally and try to sort it out with you directly if the children (sorry Tattie, i dont mean it lirerally lol) couldnt do it between themselves iykwim. She obviously cant be that bothered otherwise she would have agreed to the DNA test immediatley, she sounds like she just wants the drama and attention :rolleyes:


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## TattiesMum

fantastica said:


> 'catching' your friend doing it sounds like a good option...its not fair they've got her involved in all this and it seems like a good way to get her off the hook!
> 
> does he want to see kaylum? is that what they're eventually after?!
> 
> so sorry you're all going through this, these people sound mad! xx

Tattie isn't stopping him seeing Kaylum - that's the mad thing about all this :wacko:

I think that his insane mother thinks she is somehow going to get custody of Kaylum ... that's what all this is about :nope:

Jeeeez .... I'm actually starting to laugh here now - this is complete and utter madness :rofl:

Oh ... on a good note - remember my rant about the Council on Friday?
They have just phoned Tattie to say that her Homeless status has been miraculously confirmed since Friday and that her application for the Rent Deposit Scheme has been approved and she will receive the cheque on Friday :D :D :happydance::happydance:


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## TattiesMum

polo_princess said:


> She sounds jealous, you'd think that as a mother she would think about this rationally and try to sort it out with you directly if the children (sorry Tattie, i dont mean it lirerally lol) couldnt do it between themselves iykwim. She obviously cant be that bothered otherwise she would have agreed to the DNA test immediatley, she sounds like she just wants the drama and attention :rolleyes:

That is EXACTLY my take on it Polo! She is quite exhausting! :wacko:


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## MoonMuffin

Wow this is a tough one. I'd give the correct DNA sample though, you can still keep them from seeing Kaylum for now (and he'll only get supervised access) and who's to say they wont go through the courts anyways, they may believe that you did fake the test and if you gave the wrong sample you'll look bad in court, but if they did an illegal test then that's amo you have against them iykwim. And yes it would be awful to drag you guys through years of court and such, but lying about it, even for Kaylums own good, may tech him that its ok to be dishonest. But whatever you decide, He'll know he has an awesome mom and grandma who always look out for him. Good luck!


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## sleepinbeauty

What a headache. I hope something good happens for you guys on this.


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## Linz88

Hi i dont think its a good idea, i understand he may be a total nightmare but even if you decide to disallow contact til kaylum's 16 i think he should stil no who his biological father is. There must be another way x x good luck with what ever you decide to do x x why dont you just deny him the dna? He cant force you


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## TattiesMum

Linz88 said:


> Hi i dont think its a good idea, i understand he may be a total nightmare but even if you decide to disallow contact til kaylum's 16 i think he should stil no who his biological father is. There must be another way x x good luck with what ever you decide to do x x why dont you just deny him the dna? He cant force you

We decided to go with the honest route in the end :)

We have refused a home DNA test (and Tattie's friend's OH told FOB's Mother that she was bang out of order for dragging aimee into it at all :D ). If they want to take a DNA test then they will have to obtain a court order first.

For the moment all is quiet on the western front ... we have made it quite clear that we will respond to them only via a solicitor and that any harrassment will be used to obtain a restraining order against them. We won't be initiating any kind of action .... we are just going to go with firefighting as, when or if any court action is started by them.

Thanks for all your advice and opinions girls :hugs::hugs::hugs: It really did help us find our way through and make the best moral choice :D :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## JoJo16

i think you chose the right option no matter how annoying it is. saying that if i had the guts i would have faked a dna to get fob as far away as possible! i just have to remind myself no matter how much i hate him my baby wouldnt be here without him. luckily she looks nothing like him hehe! xxx


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## polo_princess

Glad you guys made the right choice, hopefully you'll get this over and done with pretty swiftly now :)


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## purpledahlia

aw im glad to hear this too, Hopefully they wont bother, it will cost them a lot of time effort and money so they might just say forget it. who knows! keep us posted!


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