# Just wanna give you Really young mums some advice :)



## sarah0108

I dont want this thread to sound nasty or harsh in anyway at all im just hoping to shed a bit of light on peoples ideas of having a baby so young.

i'll say this as nicely as possible but I have seen loads of threads on here of underage girls wanting babies and trying for them and i cant help but feel a bit sad. Please dont wish your life away that easily! its not all fun and games.

i'm 16 with a 4 month old baby girl, and i got pregnant at 15, just before the start of my last year at school. This meant she was due smack bang in the middle of my GCSE's. I found it very difficult going to school seeing my friends in my spare time etc, not to mention the amount of 16th birthday partys i couldnt attend! when it came to GCSE time, i didnt know where i was at. Whether i'd have my baby before them meaning i couldnt sit them or during one! Luckily she was born in half term and i managed to do them all and get good grades, but its not all going to work out perfectly.

i never tried for a baby, i was just stupid at the time. My and her dad are still together but i wont lie.. its been hard. Very hard. Dealing with the facts your partner can do exactly what they want and walk away at anytime is terrifying. not too mention the loniless you feel when your friends say they will visit you..and they dont.

:nope:

Now thats shes here im so happy and i love her too bits but i wont ever get my life back, and ill never get chance to do things. Im currently at 6th form but i wish i was at college meeting new people, unfortunatly i applied to late for college and now i cant change that. I was also due 3 days after my Prom so i couldnt go. I look back now and wish i could have done all those things, made new friends and had some fun but i couldnt!

not to mention the fact that my life now revolves round me, my daughter, a levels and running a household on a budget. Its hard! a 15/16 year old should only have them selves to worry about, and not have 1 million things to sort out before they even set foot out the door. things get stressful and concentration levels are hard when you get no sleep at night. i dont EVER wish i didnt have her but i do wish i got a chance to have some 'me time' and not have to worry about anything..but myself!

Another thing that makes life harder is the shit you get from other people being so young. Having a baby is the hardest things you will ever do, any mother regardless of age will say that.

I know me saying all this is probably not going to change someones mind if they are set on having a baby, but at least think about what im saying.

i respect all teen mums, they do a great job, i just dont think its right at 15 or 16 to be planning kids so soon

feel free to PM me if you ever need advice, remember this is coming from a young mum!
Hope you find my words helpful and i hope i havent offended anyone x


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## Windmills

I think that's really well written and there's a lot of good advice in there!


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## Raspberries

Well said :)

I think this is a great opinion to share and very well put across. I just hope it makes some ttc teens think again.

:hugs:


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## sarah0108

thanks ladies!
x


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## better2gether

I guess I see it differently. At least with my experience, most teens TTC are set on it. I doubt hearing "it's hard" from someone is suddenly going to change how they think. I'm not putting down your advice. It is obviously logical and makes sense. When I was in high school, I took a Child Development class and had to take home a doll to take care of. That concrete example made me sure I would not get pregnant in high school. But a few years later at 21, I feel ready to have a baby. I'm not living in a fantasy land. I know it won't be easy. Hopefully no one goes into thinking it will be a breeze. ;) I honestly don't think it is always about age. A woman in her late 20's could be having a baby and be completely immature or a young teenager could be having a baby and be wise beyond her years. It really depends on the person and her situation in life. But I know for the most part people want to base it off of age. I figure if I thought I was mature and ready to have sex, then I should accept anything that comes from that -- I don't want to call a baby a consequence. More like a gift and a blessing! I also feel like I have no room to complain. I don't want to go out, party, drink, etc. I want to be a mom. But like I said, everyone is different!


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## sarah0108

better2gether said:


> I guess I see it differently. At least with my experience, most teens TTC are set on it. I doubt hearing "it's hard" from someone is suddenly going to change how they think. I'm not putting down your advice. It is obviously logical and makes sense. When I was in high school, I took a Child Development class and had to take home a doll to take care of. That concrete example made me sure I would not get pregnant in high school. But a few years later at 21, I feel ready to have a baby. I'm not living in a fantasy land. I know it won't be easy. Hopefully no one goes into thinking it will be a breeze. ;) I honestly don't think it is always about age. A woman in her late 20's could be having a baby and be completely immature or a young teenager could be wise beyond her years. It really depends on the person and her situation in life. But I know for the most part people want to base it off of age. I figure if I thought I was mature and ready to have sex, then I should accept anything that comes from that -- I don't want to call a baby a consequence. More like a gift and a blessing! I also feel like I have no room to complain. I don't want to go out, party, drink, etc. I want to be a mom. But like I said, everyone is different!

i agree with what your saying, i just dont think people almost leaving school should have a baby, iv always been around babies due to all my brothers and sisters and me being the eldest, and i had no doubt i would be a great mum :) but i just want people to realise how much your life on your own means to you. I didnt realise how 'free' i was until she arrived. :kiss:


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## Kimboowee

Im 20 and find it hard, can't imagine going through it with the stress of exams and stuff


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## princess_vix

my stories exactly the same as yours sarah.

fell pregnant slap bang in the middle went school the whole 9 months and sat gcse's got a good grade.

but it's tiring and stressful trying to concentrate on two things at a time.

the only thing i think is different to me in your story is that me and the OH haven't had any stress and i'm not at college atm but i will go back next year.

but sarahs completely right.

IT HARD


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## sarah0108

princess_vix said:


> my stories exactly the same as yours sarah.
> 
> fell pregnant slap bang in the middle went school the whole 9 months and sat gcse's got a good grade.
> 
> but it's tiring and stressful trying to concentrate on two things at a time.
> 
> the only thing i think is different to me in your story is that me and the OH haven't had any stress and i'm not at college atm but i will go back next year.
> 
> but sarahs completely right.
> 
> IT HARD

hey hun :)

do you have msn? it would be good to talk to someone in the same situation x x


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## Christine1993

_that is really well written  i'm sixteen & i havn't had my son yet, hes due in december, & ive always known it was going to be hard but reading what you've just wrote has now made me think even harder than what i already have been! i agree with everything you said but unfortunatly if i was someone who was actually planning a baby so young i wouldnt really listen, but then i think i would read back on this thread then actual realise..if that makes any sense, it sounded better in my head lol! not for one minute would i wish my son away, hes not here yet but i already love him more than anyone or anything in the world, but i do miss going out with my friends, celebrating their birthdays and stuff and i will miss that when he's here too! and your right about people giving you grief about it, i get so upset when i walk round town and you see people giving your bump dirty looks or when u get on the bus & someone makes a cheeky comment about it to the person their sat beside when i can clearly hear them! lol sorry bit of rage there. i always hold my head high, i love my son. thankyou for posting this  xx _


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## kimbobaloobob

well written, alot of girls in my year at school used abortions as contraception not thinking of circumstaces. Only one girl had a baby in my year and she was 14 when she has him, needless to say she didnt do very well as she was never able to come into school, i think you got it to a T there hunni :)


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## shocker

Great post!! i think its insane young girls wanting babies at 14 or 15!! I remember myself at that age and cant believe it! Im 18 and i know im young and its going to be really really hard but knowing how much more immature i was even a year ago i dont know how people do it! Its not easy i know that already and im still in the first trimester!!


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## kellysays2u

better2gether said:


> I guess I see it differently. At least with my experience, most teens TTC are set on it. I doubt hearing "it's hard" from someone is suddenly going to change how they think. I'm not putting down your advice. It is obviously logical and makes sense. When I was in high school, I took a Child Development class and had to take home a doll to take care of. That concrete example made me sure I would not get pregnant in high school. But a few years later at 21, I feel ready to have a baby. I'm not living in a fantasy land. I know it won't be easy. Hopefully no one goes into thinking it will be a breeze. ;) I honestly don't think it is always about age. A woman in her late 20's could be having a baby and be completely immature or a young teenager could be having a baby and be wise beyond her years. It really depends on the person and her situation in life. But I know for the most part people want to base it off of age. I figure if I thought I was mature and ready to have sex, then I should accept anything that comes from that -- I don't want to call a baby a consequence. More like a gift and a blessing! I also feel like I have no room to complain. I don't want to go out, party, drink, etc. I want to be a mom. But like I said, everyone is different!

There's also a HUGE difference between 21 and wanting a baby and 14-17 and wanting a baby. You are done with schooling have gone through your teen years. I do believe there isn't to much of a difference with someone woman and maturity levels. I think she is more talking about living more of you life before having a baby. You got an extra 7-4 years on the girls that want babies when there 14-17. I get really sad when I hear girls wanting babies that young. I had Athena when I was 18 and I missed out on a lot. Not as much as if I was younger but still a lot. You don't realise that you are wishing your life away that young. Even if ALL you want is to have a family. Have a family with your OH first get to really know yourself set it up so you have a good job or have saved enough you can be a stay at home mom. I just hate when girls wish there life away.


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## MiissMuffet

I think what u have said is very mature and some great advise!! Obviously it is not going to change those minds who are set on it but that is well said! (and don't let anybody tell you your advice is wrong!)


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## lost-mum

well said!! I was 17 when i had my first baby after deciding to keep her just so you know her father was alot older than me i thought all would be fine when she was born she had so many problems and sadly passed away i don't think that young girls think enough about the fact they don't kno what they are bringing into the world and what they could be faced with.


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## sleepinbeauty

Thanks for posting this. Even if it doesn't get through to them, hopefully they will at least think a little bit harder..(hopefully...)

I think you did a great job on this.


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## Twin.Mommy

I see nothing wrong with what you said it's your story and it could "maybe" help a teen TTC. I was a teen TTC I started trying at 15 sad I know I didn't actually get pregnant til I was 19 "an adult" but I still wish I would of waited (I don't regret my girls) I wish someone would have told me all the scary things that come with pregnancy all the scary things that can go wrong the loneliness you feel when the father leaves you the fact that you will never be a kid again because your a parent so Thank you for posting this it may help a future me one day . (Im not nieve I know most teens TTC are set on it and this letter will be forgotten after reading the last sentence but who knows it may touch just one youngin)


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## better2gether

I understand the importance of finishing high school and it is even better to go on to college. I have worked with some VERY young moms and most of the time, they want someone (a baby) to love them because they feel like no one else does (family or in some cases not having a boyfriend). Is this right or fixing the problem? Of course not. I don't support thirteen-year-olds getting pregnant for the hell of it. But on the other hand, young moms have enough stigmas to deal with. While they might not see themselves as wishing their lives away, I still don't feel like we can judge them. Maybe it is sad these young girls are having children. But it is happening and that is life as we know it. Teen pregnancy is on the rise AGAIN. Now what can be done about it? That is all I was trying to say.


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## tasha41

Very good advice... I was 19 when I had Elyse but I was still too young and not ready to become a mother.. it's scary.. it's hard.. there are a lot of joys but also a lot, a lot, a lot of struggles.. I would encourage young *girls* who want to TTC to think about the baby ahead of themselves before trying.. obviously we prove it over and over again teens can be great mothers but I don't think it's fair to Elyse that I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life in terms of work- I do have a job and I make good money but it's not what I want to do forever, our living arrangement is a bit "unconventional" (we live with my parents and OH lives with his until we can save some money and get a house).. etc. I wish I could have the world to offer her, she's such a lovely girl.. she deserves it.


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## neady

i think what you have written is amazingg and well said. at around 15 16 i cant see many people listenin to it sadly. but i really hope they do. 
me and my OH planned our baby, although we'd been together only 4months when we decided we was very much in love and knew we'd be together forever. 
but now i wish i knew exactly what pregnancy involves. its not all a bed of roses. 
im 18, and have found it sooo hard to try and cope with the pressures its putting on my body. ive been sick everyday all day since 6weeks, now 17weeks. im constantly drained and tired. i dont know how anyone could go to school and try and study for GCSE's aswel, it must be soo hard. 
i thought pregnancy was all happy and joyful, i thought worst senerio get up be sick in a mornin and be fine from then on in. 
it sooooo doesnt work at all like that. at the minit the increased blood flow is causin serious amount of pressure on my brain causin veryy severe headaches. 
im havin nosebleeds, sufferin from dizzy spells, faintin. 
i managed to do my gcse and alevels all fine, but found alevels hard as it was so i think that your amazinggg for stickin by it aswel as lookin after your daughter and running a house. 
all my mates are now at uni livin the student life care free and buyin nice clothes and dresses all the time. im planning on goin to university next year but i wont be able to live that student life as i'll have my child to think about not just myself. 
the thought that my life isnt just about me anymore scares me soo much. everything i do now i have to think about my child aswell. 
even though il have plenty of babysitters once baby is here to go on nights out, they still wont be the same as i cant lie in bed all day feelin sorry for myself or come in at all hours, the next day no matter how ill i feel il still have to get up and look after the baby aswel.

i agree with this post totally, really think about what pregnancy entails before rushing into it. i wouldnt turn back time now, but if i knew what i did now i would have definately waited a few years.


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## bump_wanted

i think you offered great advice sarah! you sound mature beyond your years i guess you've had to be tho xx


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## x-dannielle

I wasin same situation as you Sarah apart from when i found i was 15 and was due the week my GCSE's were due to be down BUT i got kicked out of school for getting pregnant. (although i was on pill and she wasnt planned)
But im now 16 with a 7month old daughter and no GCSE's :/
I think what you said is great advice, i dont understand why some girls are so keen to throw there life away when they have all there teen life ahead of them. 
I wouldnt change my princess for the world but i still feel gutted on how much i have and will miss out on x
x


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## Love Bunny

I think your post was great Sarah!

At the end of the day kids (wether or not you have "teen" at the end makes no odds - you are still a child until you reach past 16 and sometimes even then its about maturity!) are stubborn and the more you tell them NO the more they want to do it.

Personally I've never understood the desire for children at such a young age :S can't say I ever spent my childhood yearning to be a mother I can tell you that!

I think there should be a sticky made in teens about kids TTC and why its a bad idea and pointing out the cold herd truth and facts - cause it makes me so angry when there are little girls posting in here so naive wanting babies at 14 or going out their way to get pregnant when they have nothing to offer a child and cant even claim benefits for themselves - let alone a child!

x


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## bump_wanted

o love bunny you have a great way of expressing your thoughts and i totally agree xx


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## Sophie1205

GREAT post sweetie.

And it saddens me that someone has said it wont change a young teens mind, but tbh it should!! You are not just sitting there just saying its hard for the sake of it..... it REALLY is! I sat my A-levels when I was pregnant and it was SO hard. Being a young mother (or just a mother tbh) is HARD.

I really wish 15/16 year old's or whatever would actually believe what you and all of us are saying and think again about their decisions. But at the end of the day, we can only advise, what they actually do is down to them.

But Sarah, you sound very mature for your age. Well done to you hun xxxx


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## Momma2Bee

Hear hear! Great advice, i couldnt imagin planning to have a child at 15/16 i couldnt plan having a child now at eighteen! But i am so oh well :) but i dont understand how these young girls would want to be a mother at that age. Im sure most younger girls just see babys as an assesory, i know alot of my younger friends and brothers friends do


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## soozys1902

I agree, i dont think i coulda went through what im going through now at 15/16. Im 20 and alot older, with a bit of money and my OH works. But so young, trying to find an income is hard and boy do babie's need alot of money i can tell you that now.

Also i got so ill in my pregnancy with hyeremsis i had to come outta work for all my pregnancy, imagine doing that so yound and in school, youd miss most of the year. I never planned my baby but i never thought pregnancy was gonna make me like this, so sick and tired (always needing someone to help me do things). Id do it again im glad im pregnant and cant wait to see my wee boy. But it will be hard


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## mrscupcake

Hey Sara, you seem really mature and you have given some good advice :) but dont think that you will "never get your life back" because im sure you will! You sound like a good mum who wants the best for her daughter! My best mate got pregnant at 16, she also found it so stressful and lonely just like you say and she also was gutted that all her mates were going out without her. However, she's now 24, she's still with the baby's dad and they are living together. She did a hairdressing course and she's just had baby number 2 this year! She's really happy and she says she feels so much different to the last time she had her baby. I still think she feels she missed out on alot but she's happy being a young mum and in 5-6 years when she's in her 30's she will be able to go to work etc. if she wants to. I just dont want you to feel that its always going to be hard, it should get better like it did for my friend :) xxx


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## blackrose

fantastic post , Im 21 , and finding pregnancy mentally and physically challenging . Im so happy and would never take it back , but at 15/16 ..... well , its difficult enough to cope with exam pressure , growing up , deciding who you are, what you want to do, I dont think its the right time for any person to decide to be a parent , you have enough challenges already . I hope any teen ttc , thinks about what you have so sensitively written .

*Edit* , that is not to say that teen mums dont do a fantastic job because they do , and age does not always mean maturity , I just feel that TTC at such a young , and challenging age is not the best for any young person .


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## cherrydrop

Hi, im lauren and i am currently in college.I am doing a peice of coursework which is focused on teenage mums and how having a baby young effected them,good or bad.I would really like for any teenage mums to reply post a reply and tell me a few experiances i would really appreciate it and it would help me alot.

Thanks.


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## sarah0108

cherry drop ill be happy to :)

just tell me what you want answering x


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## AppleBlossom

I wasn't quite as young, I was 18 when I fell pregnant by accident. I had just started my first year of Uni. I missed out on so much. I had Grace when I was 19 and I miss my freedom although I love her to bits and would never be without her. But at least I had years on people who I read on here who want babies at 15/16. I am no longer with the FOB and I think a lot of young girls with boyfriends think they will last forever but unfortunately a lot of 16 year old boys don't want to have that responsibility and it is very easy for them to walk away. My ex now does everything he ever wanted to do in life. I have had to make huge sacrifices. I am now a single mum and looking after a baby is hard enough when you have a partner. I don't understand why trying for a baby would even cross the minds of such young kids. YOu should be going out with your mates and enjoying being young while you can. The adult world is a very scary and difficult place and I would give anything to be back in school! Thanks for writing, you make a lot of sense and hopefully it will deter at least a couple of girls from throwing their childhood away :)


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## SweetNothings

I commend you on a job well done. I know I never slept with anyone til I was in my 20s (i know what people will think...they'll think i couldnt get a guy or i was a prude but i chose not to have sex because to be honest it scared me and i didnt feel ready for it, but when i did have sex it was the BEST thing in the world because it was with someone who cared so much about me....it just felt soo right)

And you know what? you are ABSOLUTELY right...a 16 year old shouldnt have to worry about anyone else but themselves and I think its important for teens to understand what its like to have a baby because its not all fun and games....you cant just pick up and leave and go out with friends anytime you want because you have someone else relying on you now.

Sometimes we learn things the hard way. I dont have a baby at all, but I have made mistakes that could have led me down a very bad path...mistakes that led to anxiety throughout the nights and I deserved it because I wasnt careful but I was safe and fine in the end.

A big lesson for us girls to learn is LEARN from others mistakes because sometimes making that very mistake costs you a lot more and causes a lot of grief...however in your situation you got a sweet and adorable little baby to go with it so you gained something positive from it.

Good luck with everything and if you ever wanna talk feel free to pm me.:hugs:



bexy_22 said:


> I wasn't quite as young, I was 18 when I fell pregnant by accident. I had just started my first year of Uni. I missed out on so much. I had Grace when I was 19 and I miss my freedom although I love her to bits and would never be without her. But at least I had years on people who I read on here who want babies at 15/16. I am no longer with the FOB and I think a lot of young girls with boyfriends think they will last forever but unfortunately a lot of 16 year old boys don't want to have that responsibility and it is very easy for them to walk away. My ex now does everything he ever wanted to do in life. I have had to make huge sacrifices. I am now a single mum and looking after a baby is hard enough when you have a partner. I don't understand why trying for a baby would even cross the minds of such young kids. YOu should be going out with your mates and enjoying being young while you can. The adult world is a very scary and difficult place and I would give anything to be back in school! Thanks for writing, you make a lot of sense and hopefully it will deter at least a couple of girls from throwing their childhood away :)

EXCELLENT POST...because fathers at that age typically dont stick around forever and it can make you resentful to see them doing everything they wanted to do in life while you have to take care of a child.


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## danni0509

Love Bunny said:


> I think your post was great Sarah!
> 
> At the end of the day kids (wether or not you have "teen" at the end makes no odds - you are still a child until you reach past 16 and sometimes even then its about maturity!) are stubborn and the more you tell them NO the more they want to do it.
> 
> Personally I've never understood the desire for children at such a young age :S can't say I ever spent my childhood yearning to be a mother I can tell you that!
> 
> I think there should be a sticky made in teens about kids TTC and why its a bad idea and pointing out the cold herd truth and facts - cause it makes me so angry when there are little girls posting in here so naive wanting babies at 14 or going out their way to get pregnant when they have nothing to offer a child and cant even claim benefits for themselves - let alone a child!
> 
> x

hi
no offence intended here but i want to have my say...

i met my partner when i was 13...i didnt get on with my parents so i left school got a job as a waitress working every possible hour and got a lovely 2 bedroom flat with my partner..all by the age of 14 (believe me when i say i have always been old before my time) i decided to try for a baby when i was 14...go on everyone shake your head..most people do..but honestly i am not bothered if i was that ashamed it would have been made secret but i never hid the fact because i have never been ashamed...
i mean ok so you are still classed as a child at 14 but not all 14 year olds sit on the park drinking cider nor do they all still play with barbie dolls..i certainly was different from this..imagine the look on peoples faces when i was queing at the post office at the age of 14 to pay my water rates,tv licence,electric etc...

we tried for a baby until i was 18 (4 years of unsucessfully ttc from the age of 14 to 18) i went to my doctors who referred me to have fertility testing..during the wait to see a fertility specialist i fell pregnant naturally..all was well...until i started having the most painful stomach pains i had ever experienced..i later found out i was having an ectopic pregnancy and that i had lost the baby :(

since then (i am now 21) i have never fallen pregnant and i have to have ivf to ever have a baby (currently waiting for my ivf appoinment)

so to cut the long story short not all 14 year olds are irresponsible and at that age i could of supported a baby myself as me and my partner were both working fulltime...forget the child benefit..if i could have a baby now believe me i would do it for free..i wouldnt want a penny..just the baby on its own would be fine

once again please dont take offence i just wanted to get my point across x


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## blackrose

danni0509 said:


> Love Bunny said:
> 
> 
> I think your post was great Sarah!
> 
> At the end of the day kids (wether or not you have "teen" at the end makes no odds - you are still a child until you reach past 16 and sometimes even then its about maturity!) are stubborn and the more you tell them NO the more they want to do it.
> 
> Personally I've never understood the desire for children at such a young age :S can't say I ever spent my childhood yearning to be a mother I can tell you that!
> 
> I think there should be a sticky made in teens about kids TTC and why its a bad idea and pointing out the cold herd truth and facts - cause it makes me so angry when there are little girls posting in here so naive wanting babies at 14 or going out their way to get pregnant when they have nothing to offer a child and cant even claim benefits for themselves - let alone a child!
> 
> x
> 
> hi
> no offence intended here but i want to have my say...
> 
> i met my partner when i was 13...i didnt get on with my parents so i left school got a job as a waitress working every possible hour and got a lovely 2 bedroom flat with my partner..all by the age of 14 (believe me when i say i have always been old before my time) i decided to try for a baby when i was 14...go on everyone shake your head..most people do..but honestly i am not bothered if i was that ashamed it would have been made secret but i never hid the fact because i have never been ashamed...
> i mean ok so you are still classed as a child at 14 but not all 14 year olds sit on the park drinking cider nor do they all still play with barbie dolls..i certainly was different from this..imagine the look on peoples faces when i was queing at the post office at the age of 14 to pay my water rates,tv licence,electric etc...
> 
> we tried for a baby until i was 18 (4 years of unsucessfully ttc from the age of 14 to 18) i went to my doctors who referred me to have fertility testing..during the wait to see a fertility specialist i fell pregnant naturally..all was well...until i started having the most painful stomach pains i had ever experienced..i later found out i was having an ectopic pregnancy and that i had lost the baby :(
> 
> since then (i am now 21) i have never fallen pregnant and i have to have ivf to ever have a baby (currently waiting for my ivf appoinment)
> 
> so to cut the long story short not all 14 year olds are irresponsible and at that age i could of supported a baby myself as me and my partner were both working fulltime...forget the child benefit..if i could have a baby now believe me i would do it for free..i wouldnt want a penny..just the baby on its own would be fine
> 
> once again please dont take offence i just wanted to get my point across xClick to expand...

Of course everyone is entitled to a point and an opinion, ... and congratulations . on being a teenager with maturity. However I know NO fourteen year old people who can make decisions like that personally , I mean its Illegal to have underage sex for a reason , as for living with your partner and being responsible for bills , that's great , but my 14 year old sister (for example) , can barley get herself up for school and tidy her room , let alone be responsible for a child and a household . I realise I am generalising , but I believe its just too young . I really am sorry you are having difficulty conceiving and hope you do soon , and I really don't mean to insult you , perhaps you are an exception to the general population ? In my opinion , teenagers should not be trying to have children . your teens are for growing yourself ... sorry thats just my opinion


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## Love Bunny

The reason I suggested a sticky is because - lets face it - MOST 13-14 year olds wanting babies are HIGHLY disillusioned about how their lives will change and what it means to become a parent. And to be honest the majority of posts about it on here are from very immature (meaning NOT grown women yet rather than the "silly" aspect of the word immature) girls who have no clue what they are on about! Either that or they are trolls! I'm sure like me - people are all sick of the same old threads being posted and locked time after time "help I'm 13 and I want/am trying for a baby!" etc etc. It gets pretty boring to read.

I moved out when I was 15 and I also know what its like to be in the big bad world at a young age - having to pay my rent and pay my own way.

I appreciate you are an exeption to most young girls but like I said in my post its down to personal maturity and to be honest there aren't many 14 year olds mature enough or even capeable enough for that matter! Of raising a child without an extreme load of help!

x


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## Boothh

i really admire you, my boy is 6weeks old now and its been the hardest 6weeks of my life, i turned 20 last saturday so was a teen mum for just a few weeks, but im still young, 
when i first got pregnant i didnt really think about just how much i was giving up, me and OH were very off and on at the time and it was a very stressful time for me, 
we eventually worked things out and we moved in together before jesse was born and everything so far is going great, 
until you actually have your baby its impossible to understand just how hard it is to be a parent, its unlike anything else and a massive challenge, 
im lucky to have my partner who works hard for us so were stable enough that i can stay home and look after our baby without worrying but i know it must be difficult for girls who arnt in that position, we find it difficult and it has strained our relationship slightly but were working through it and our little boy is the best thing thats ever happened to either of us, though we didnt plan him we would never change what happened,
i know that if girls whatever age want to have a baby then they will but i just wish people would take notice sometimes of the advice of people like us, i know i was very naive about the situation before i had my son and i can imagine alot of others are too, 
good luck hun xxx


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## EmmanBump

i think that is very well said!! 
xxx


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## xCorkettex

Essay alert, but i felt the need lol.

I wish there was some way that we could convey EXACTLY what it is like having a child-a few pointers i would have liked to have known before having Jack (although i was never a teen mum but feel i was young anyway-maybe even too young at 21) would be things like:
1.The 'baby' doesn't stay a 'baby' for long.....all those cute clothes?suddenly they have a practical side & they dont register as cute any more-especially when you have to keep your child occupied whilst trying to find clothes in shops that fit them that are affordable.And wash them-yep doing washing everyday is a burden-its hard work unless you have a dryer and it costs money.....& when your washer breaks down it really is a crying matter).
2.following on from 1-early mornings?yep not toooo bad (unless it carrys on for months)........except when they get older and are still getting you up at 5/6am and then you have to organise them ready for nursery/school, as well as look presentable yourself (whilst feeling like a zombie-its no joke).
3.school-traipsing to school twice a day (0r 3 times if you have a child in school and one at part-time nursery) isn't fun-especially when your child has decided today is going to be a grumpy day, or its snowing,or raining so hard your child is crying & dropping things everywhere.Not fun (take it from me).Esp if your too young to learn to drive.
4.Fancy a trip to the corner shop for a choccy bar or run out of gas/electric?
Daytime-get child sorted for the trip as well as yourself and then sort pram/buggy out to go unless you want to carry him/her-which means likelihood of wriggling,crying to get down (walking snail pace),not enough arms to carry shopping.Evening-pray someone is in to stay at home whilst you leave the house or have the unfortunate task of waking a child (who may have taken 2 hours to get to sleep), getting him/her dressed,getting to the shop and then settling them once you get back.
3.Money-money for yourself?nope,thats a thing of the past once you have a child until they are about 5, unless your lucky & even then they start wanting more expensive presents/clothes.The BBC claim that in pregnancy and the first 6 months of a babys life it costs you £10,000.You may think this sounds extreme and untrue-i bet if alot of mums on here could total what they spent in that time-it wouldn't be far off.Even if you have hand-me-downs (which are becoming rarer in todays financial climate),family/friends buying you equipment and shop in second hand stores-its still costs thousands of pounds......especially if you want good quality,decent stuff.
You got £10,000 spare?i know my hubby works and i havent so if your fella isn't working full time wheres all this money gona come from?
4.relaxing-ha!IF you get half an hour to yourself you will most likely be absolutely exhausted anyway, and chances are you will think to yourself 'il just catch up on some washing or some washing up'.....therefor that me time is spent on your feet cleaning anyway.
5.Nights out-i have heard "oh its okay,i will have loads of babysitters when bubbas born"......which is good.If its true.
People think babies are cute,which is definatly true but finding someone who is willing to sleep over and take care of one is easy-for the first few months.After a while the novelty wears off,or the person wants money for doing it cos its not as easy as s/he first thought or that person actually doesn't want to be stuck indoors whilst you are having loads of fun and has decided s/he wants to go out too now.
Also you have to consider-after baby is born your body changes-which means likelyhood of having to buy new clothes (hard when your buying clothes for a growing child every 8 weeks + all the other bills its not always possible),Drink/food/cinema money-looks at being about £10/20 depending on what left from household bills.......the same amount you used to be able to spend on just pic n' mix never mind a full night out!.....its disheartening.
Hang-overs are bearable, unless you have a baby who has woken up at 4/5am needing a bum change badly because of a leaking nappy-maybe even a runny poo that has decided to run all over the bedding/cot/baby and floor.
6.Nappy/steriliser change time (if using cold water+tablet steriliser)......is fun in the first few weeks,harder as a few months go on and by the time the child is 1.5/2 you will be absolutely sick of it, and will end up begging the nearest member of your family or a friend (if they have stuck around-unlikely) to do it-to which the reply is usually "its your child/iv done my bit now/iv already done 2 today".It all costs money & its tiring.seriously.8-10 nappy chnages a day they reckon on average, thats alot of wee & poo to deal with whilst your exhausted.
7.Birthdays/christmas.....long gone are the days of worrying about which colour hello kitty pen/tshirt to buy for your best mate, this is serious business-we all like to spoil our children at these special times but check out a few threads on here about how much people have spent to make events like these feel as good as they should.up to £800 a time sometimes.....thats just toys/party stuff.And is okay........if you only have 1 child or if your childrens birthdays are far apart and not near xmas.& remember you still have to pay your bills that week on top of that cost.
9.Sex-you now have a child so your obviously sexually active....fancy a bit?chances are you will have to scurry into the nursery/over to moses basket whilst wrapping some form of towel/clothing over you to soothe a crying baby half way through (usually resulting in a grumpy fella) and once your child reaches about 3yrs old the thought of him/her walking in on you 'doing it' is devastating (and might scar your child for life!) so long gone are the days of wild (loud) passion and you have to keep stopping every time you hear a noise 'in case' its them waking up and about to walk in to tell you either he has lost his favourite car/had a bad dream/cant remember his full alphabet.Cute but a passion killer.
10.Finance.Yes you can get help,your rent & council tax might get paid,you might get income support and you will def get your child benefit (in this country anyway) but what about the Electric (mines £15 a week),Gas (mine is £50 a week in winter-children need to stay warm),toiletries,weekly food shopping (mines £100 a week),water rates (mines £15 a month),Tv license (mines £12 a month),this is on top of buying things in the first place (TV,PC,washer,dryer,furniture) but then its replacing them when they break down.Which is more often than in a home with no children as they get used more.
11.Relationships-having a child affects your relationships with everyone around you-most of my friends who had there babies at a young age said only about 5% of them kept in touch and even less kept coming round to see them.Your relationship with your fella is strained till sometimes things seem impossible (lack of sleep/proper time together as a couple is the biggest cause).Parents & relatives (sometimes) suddenly see you in a different light and no longer treat you as they did before.
12.Health-you need to keep healthy and your child needs to stay healthy, to do this takes effort.Good food and hygiene is just the start.Education on this subject is paramount.Do you know how to stop a baby choking?Do you know the affects of early weaning?Do you know how many calories/mg of salt a child should have?Do you know how to try & prevent cot death?
13.Birth defects-do you seriously think you could cope with a child who needed to keep going to hospital apps (sometimes weekly)?can you afford the bus trips to clinics all the time or rely on someones help?cope with the loneliness a disabled child brings unless you make an effort so it doesnt happen (eg help groups etc)?cope with the stress of thinking 'will my child get bullied'?fund a place in a school that can cater to your childs needs?
Every child is perfect, every single one.But sometimes they turn up with extra needs.
14.Freedom........no need to write about this.you have none or very little depending on your circumstances.
Every single decision you make involves your child or affects your child.Everything you say gets taken literally and remembered (from toddler stage).Every move you make doesn't just affect you anymore.
Its not all tiny nike trainers,big gorgeous prams and cute giggles.

I have not written this to cause offense, get anyones back up and im sorry i felt the need to just point out negatives but in my view its how it is.
_I wish i had have known thats all_.
Not everyone is the same, not everyones circumstances are the same, we all know that and im sure all the teen mums on this site and beyond are brilliant/do their utmost best for their child, but i am sure alot of them would agree with some (if not all all) of the things i have said.
I apologise if this upsets anyone.


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## xhollie92x

Really well written and I totally agree with you! I'm seventeen and I'm as broody as ever! I constantly have babies on the brain! But I definitely won't be TTC anytime soon. I want to finish college, have holidays with my friends and not having to worry about anyone for myself for another few years. I want a baby more than anything but I won't even think about TTC until I have a good job, I'm in a good relationship and I've done everything I want to do before I fall pregnant. A lot of my friends are teen mums and I've seen how hard it is, almost all of them do a fantastic job. Teen mums must be super mums as far as I'm concerned!


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## Momof2kiddos

this is wonderful advice. im 19 and married with a one year old and #2 on the way and it is VERY hard. i had my son at 18 and i just wish that when these kids are off trying to get pregnant that they arnt just signing up for a cute little baby, they are also signing up for a toddler, a child, a pre-teen, and all to quickly a teenager. infact they are teens longer than they are babies. obviously many of these girls dont get that. i love this form because it is like the one forum that doesnt support teens ttc.


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## broody_mama

I have to say, I am 21, got preg at 17 and was trying to re-do my GCSE's (had to run a household while my mum was getting a divorce and depressed so failed BADLY first time round) I have a beautiful 3 yr old son and im pg with #2. My pregnancy was riddled with complications and I nearly died because of it. This pregnancy is high risk and I would not want anyone else to go through what I am because of it. I didnt plan to fall preg either times, but I was stupid and now I'm dealing with my actions. 

It angers me when girls as young as 16 are saying "Oh, I want a baby"...they don't stay babies for long and it is so hard, esp if you are doing it on your own, and they do grow up! There are so many hurdles to get throughs they grow that you sit there and think "I wish I could be out there travelling and doing the things my friends get to do and not having to worry about finding a baby sitter etc. Where the next meal for my child is coming from, is he/she getting the right nutrients" etc. Go out, live your life and save the babies thing for later when you are married and in a stable relationship (more than 2 weeks!!!!! ARGH) and then do it together. Don't go spread your legs now adn think it'll all be hunky dorey and it'll pan out. It quite often doesn't "pan out" and there is a poor child left at the end of it not knowing who their parents are because they were silly teens who didn't realise how hard it REALLY is being a full time parent, and they palmed their children off to their own parents, who of course, have to take in and raise. 

I have NEVER palmed my son off, I have taken responsibility for him from day 1 and did it on my own the whole way till his father and I moved back in together for the sake of our son. He is happy, healthy and social services have never once even sniffed at us, because I take care of him and am taking responsibility for my actions. I was stupid enough to get preg so young, I am big enough to look after my children. 

Not meant to be a jibe at anyone, just felt it needed to be said as, after all, "everyone's opinion matters"


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## Alexas Mommy

danni0509 said:


> Love Bunny said:
> 
> 
> I think your post was great Sarah!
> 
> At the end of the day kids (wether or not you have "teen" at the end makes no odds - you are still a child until you reach past 16 and sometimes even then its about maturity!) are stubborn and the more you tell them NO the more they want to do it.
> 
> Personally I've never understood the desire for children at such a young age :S can't say I ever spent my childhood yearning to be a mother I can tell you that!
> 
> I think there should be a sticky made in teens about kids TTC and why its a bad idea and pointing out the cold herd truth and facts - cause it makes me so angry when there are little girls posting in here so naive wanting babies at 14 or going out their way to get pregnant when they have nothing to offer a child and cant even claim benefits for themselves - let alone a child!
> 
> x
> 
> hi
> no offence intended here but i want to have my say...
> 
> i met my partner when i was 13...i didnt get on with my parents so i left school got a job as a waitress working every possible hour and got a lovely 2 bedroom flat with my partner..all by the age of 14 (believe me when i say i have always been old before my time) i decided to try for a baby when i was 14...go on everyone shake your head..most people do..but honestly i am not bothered if i was that ashamed it would have been made secret but i never hid the fact because i have never been ashamed...
> i mean ok so you are still classed as a child at 14 but not all 14 year olds sit on the park drinking cider nor do they all still play with barbie dolls..i certainly was different from this..imagine the look on peoples faces when i was queing at the post office at the age of 14 to pay my water rates,tv licence,electric etc...
> 
> we tried for a baby until i was 18 (4 years of unsucessfully ttc from the age of 14 to 18) i went to my doctors who referred me to have fertility testing..during the wait to see a fertility specialist i fell pregnant naturally..all was well...until i started having the most painful stomach pains i had ever experienced..i later found out i was having an ectopic pregnancy and that i had lost the baby :(
> 
> since then (i am now 21) i have never fallen pregnant and i have to have ivf to ever have a baby (currently waiting for my ivf appoinment)
> 
> so to cut the long story short not all 14 year olds are irresponsible and at that age i could of supported a baby myself as me and my partner were both working fulltime...forget the child benefit..if i could have a baby now believe me i would do it for free..i wouldnt want a penny..just the baby on its own would be fine
> 
> once again please dont take offence i just wanted to get my point across xClick to expand...

Okay, I just had to reply to this. Just because you had a job, a house an OH etc etc, Does NOT ever mean you have enough to offer a child!!! I'm sorry but woop dee doo. I'm sorry I sound so harsh, but 14 is still a child, and I am sorry that you missed out on a huge part of your childhood, but that does not man you are ready for a child.. I don't think you were an exception-sure you may have been a good mom, BUT difference is, you can't say how you were "dumb and young" because you never actually had a child at that age! You can say you were ready, but you will never know, because you did not ever live it! I have been with my OH since the age of 12, I may not have lived by myself at age 14, but I did when I was 17, and even though I had a good job, a great OH, and paid my own bills, it doesn't mean I was ready for a child!! I understand all people are different, but there is no way I can even put it across in my mind, that any 14 year old should be having kids-own house and job or not...

I am sorry to hear of your current ttc problems, no one should ever have to go through that, but I still don't get the 14 ttc thing at all...

An afterthought-most kids/young people, want their own kids because they have a certain family problem-fatherless, motherless, fighting with parents/not close with family etc.

Great thread Sarah...:thumbup::hugs:


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## sarah0108

Thanks Alexasmommy..

i have to agree with your last post xx


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## Alexas Mommy

sarah0108 said:


> Thanks Alexasmommy..
> 
> i have to agree with your last post xx

Thanks! I realize I came off harsh...but I had to write it! xx


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## Nomio

XCorkettex, what a great post, I had my son at 18 and boy I wish I had known then what I know now!
He's now nearly 12 and I have a baby girl of 3 1/2 months - the pregnancies & births couldn't have been more different.
I spent my first pregnancy trying to hide from all the snidey looks & comments, went through the labour & birth as a single mum as his dad had already done a runner by then and didn't bond well with the baby at all as I was living in a nasty, damp bedsit and the conditions made life extremely strssful. Coupled with the fact that I had 3 part time jobs to go back to when he was 6 weeks old because I couldn't afford to stay home any longer.
What a difference a few years make. Although the actual pregnancy was harder this time, it was a much more enjoyable experience and it was so nice to be able to tell friends and family the good news without worrying about their reactions, knowing that they would be pleased for us. We have a nice home and it was such a novelty being able to decorate the nursery - not possible when you only live in one room. My husband was there for the birth and was so supportive and the best thing was being able to share your joy with someone who feels exactly the same way about this new little being as you do.
I'm not saying I regret having my son - I wouldn't change a thing - he's a fantastic lad but I just feel that if I had been older and in a more stable situation things would have been better for everyone concerned.
I don't wish to offend anyone but I just wanted to give my perspective on the subject, having been at both ends of the spectrum. Thanks.


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## Jemma_x

Well said hun x


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## Mum2 Kaileigh

i agree completely with what your saying Sarah, i dont see why people so young are planning babies! ( dont judge against me, i fell pregnant when i was 14!) she wasnt planned but i wouldnt change her for the world. I would definatly say that its hard. You have to worry bout finacial,housing,clothing etc!
anyways i wont rant :) 

xx


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## mrsadair

lol... i could not imagine asking someone to babysit and not pay them, though, especially if they are spending the night!


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## xpaigex

Wow this is really intresting to read/great (though its really long,im still reading it! lol):thumbup:


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## 18NPregnant

i will be honest. fro when i was like 12-15 i wanted a baby, just for the fact of having a baby. but i looked into it and realized i was not ready for it. things like this were what changed my mind, and the fact that i was still a virgin and afraid sex was gonna hurt. i lost my virginity right before i turned 17 and once i turned 17 i wanted a baby again and i tried and i never got pregnant and now being pregnant at 18, i know i would never have been able to handle this at a younger age. pregnancy alone is harder then it seems and since my babies not here i cant say being a single parent is not dificult but i am sure it will be


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## bexoth2011

I agree. I'm a teen (turning 18 in a month)
and I want/have wanted to start have a child with my fiance for a long time 
but i will NOT -i repeat NOT- try to conceive.

I don't want to be selfish and not be able to provide for my sweet baby.
Both financially and with their growing up.
I would love to be financially set at the time. so I wouldn't have to work, and be a housewife/stayathomemom. and I want my child to have everything they need.

so basically,
i'm waiting until im 20 or 21 or 22.
Unless I'm still not ready.
But yeah . long story short...
TTC'ing is selfish at my age.


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## mrsadair

bexoth2011 said:


> I agree. I'm a teen (turning 18 in a month)
> and I want/have wanted to start have a child with my fiance for a long time
> but i will NOT -i repeat NOT- try to conceive.
> 
> I don't want to be selfish and not be able to provide for my sweet baby.
> Both financially and with their growing up.
> I would love to be financially set at the time. so I wouldn't have to work, and be a housewife/stayathomemom. and I want my child to have everything they need.
> 
> so basically,
> i'm waiting until im 20 or 21 or 22.
> Unless I'm still not ready.
> But yeah . long story short...
> TTC'ing is selfish at my age.

it is nice to see a young girl with a good head on her shoulders about this!


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## bexoth2011

mrsadair said:


> bexoth2011 said:
> 
> 
> I agree. I'm a teen (turning 18 in a month)
> and I want/have wanted to start have a child with my fiance for a long time
> but i will NOT -i repeat NOT- try to conceive.
> 
> I don't want to be selfish and not be able to provide for my sweet baby.
> Both financially and with their growing up.
> I would love to be financially set at the time. so I wouldn't have to work, and be a housewife/stayathomemom. and I want my child to have everything they need.
> 
> so basically,
> i'm waiting until im 20 or 21 or 22.
> Unless I'm still not ready.
> But yeah . long story short...
> TTC'ing is selfish at my age.
> 
> it is nice to see a young girl with a good head on her shoulders about this!Click to expand...

thanks! :hugs:


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## PnutProtector

I was seriously thinking of posting something along the lines of this thread.

so thanks!


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## needausername

*gasps* corkette just put me off having a family!!! I'm 26 and most of that scares the gahoolies out of me! haha!


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## Aidan's Mummy

I totally agree

I became pregnant at 16 and I now have a 10 month old son called aidan. And I'm starting Uni in september

I have seen so many threads lately where really young girls are ttc, the thread doesnt last long as BnB dont encourage under 18's to ttc which i think is brilliant

At the end of the day those girls need to listen to girls like you, but I dont think how manyt times we tell them its hard and your not free young girl you used to be. They still want to have a child

It baffels me but if they can be a good parent and provide for that child then I suppose they have every right. Although I think it's sad that girls so young seem to want to have babies.

I didnt plan aidan but I wouldnt change him for the world but I will always say its the most hard experience I have ever had
xx


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## Sarah&Erimas

I got pregnant at 15 and i am 17 now and another thing with having kids so young is you have to grow up FAST. I hate seeing teens ttc cause it makes me sad cause they dont know what its like to be a parent not even close.


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## Aidan's Mummy

Sarah&Erimas said:


> I got pregnant at 15 and i am 17 now and another thing with having kids so young is you have to grow up FAST. I hate seeing teens ttc cause it makes me sad cause they dont know what its like to be a parent not even close.

I dont think they really understand the full responsibilty of having a child.

Us teen mums are good mums but most of us wouldnt want the same for our children. Am I right??

xzx


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## Sarah&Erimas

Aidan's Mummy said:


> Sarah&Erimas said:
> 
> 
> I got pregnant at 15 and i am 17 now and another thing with having kids so young is you have to grow up FAST. I hate seeing teens ttc cause it makes me sad cause they dont know what its like to be a parent not even close.
> 
> I dont think they really understand the full responsibilty of having a child.
> 
> Us teen mums are good mums but most of us wouldnt want the same for our children. Am I right??
> 
> xzxClick to expand...


i agree


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## Midnight_Fairy

I agree. Also people wanting babys because they look sweet?? Wtf is that all about. When younger girls think of having a baby they think of a newborn. Not a screaming toddler or a 5yr old lol.

I was 16 when I was pregnant and I had no idea what to expect. My son was born fine and hit all milestones and everything. He was diagnosed with autism at 3yrs old. My life changed the second he was born but I didnt have a clue how much. My life is limited with routine etc, My son is my absolute prode and joy and i love him for the world but I wish kids wouldnt think pregnancy and being a monther was "glam". Its obviously lovely but why do something when your not ready. Babys are the easiest they will ever be so its a good idea to think about the long term future x


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## happynbubbly

It's true, a lot of younger women actually ttc at such a young age often don't. At 12-15 I babysat quite a lot a couple of kids belonging to my mom's friend. After that experience and seeing what my sister went through with her pregnancy of my niece I decided I wanted to wait until I was at least in my late 20s to even think of having children. I applaud all of the young mothers who are able to do it, but not everyone can, or should. Not everyone is responsible enough, or often don't realize what a huge commitment and responsibility they are undertaking by creating a human being. I would have been horrified as a teenager having to deal with that, and despite being very promiscuous, I was never faced with that decision as I was very careful. (I listened to a lot of Love Line, Dr. Drew radio program on sex)


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## Jemma_x

Im 18 and connor wasnt planned. He's my life and i wouldnt change him for the world but if i could have waited i would have because it is so hard and nothing like how you expect it to be.


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## Momof2kiddos

Alexas Mommy said:


> sarah0108 said:
> 
> 
> Thanks Alexasmommy..
> 
> i have to agree with your last post xx
> 
> Thanks! I realize I came off harsh...but I had to write it! xxClick to expand...

sometimes thats what people need to hear, you just cant sugar coat it all the time. good post :)


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## tonyamanda

wow i just read every single post... I keep forgetting i was a teen mum.. I never wanted children when i was 16 but i babysat alot.. I met my hubby and gave birth to our son when i was 19.. It was hard.. even though financially i was ok cause my husband is alot older.. Mentally it was tough.. I had post natal depression just for the first month but slowly i was better.. I can't image having him earlier/younger and have to worry about money and school.. I don't ever judge those who do become very young teen mums.. things happen and us mums all have to stick together :hugs:


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## A.J

well said girl! .. im 17 + 16 weeks pregnant, it wasnt planned but it was my own thought for thinking "it wont happen to me" .. i could have gone back to college this year but i wouldnt have been able to finish the year, so i didt go back, and now im stuck working in a local cafe - not really the way i wanted things to go! .. a friend of mine is trying for a baby + ive tryed telling her that she really should wait (she also wants to be in the police force) ive said to her to sort her career out first but she wont listen to me! but you really did say that well :) xx


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## Becyboo__x

I agree with everything youve said.. i never thought it would happen to me iv always been on the pill until i changed onto implant and i ended up having to have that taken out cause it didnt suit me at all causing me alot of problems and went all infected and horrible! but when i had that taken out i got advised that after its out ill be able to get pregnant straight away.. which i obviously knew but i got pregnant 2 months after having that out so it was my fault for not being more careful and everything which i held my hands up to but i never thought id be the 1 to get pregnant. But even though im nearly 18 now iv still missed out on alot of things and cant wear nice stuff anymore or go to parties down town etc.. but when i had to decide what to do keep/abortion or adoption i knew straight away i wouldnt be able to go through the whole pregnancy and then give my child away and i just then had to think it through to keep or not but i just knew deep down i couldnt have an abortion and just thought its happened now i will go through with it all but obviously i wont know how hard being a mum actually is til hes here and its all actually real but id do anything for him and i know now i have to do everything for him and its not about me no more .. i know i wont regret it but i will always think back to what i could of done if i didnt get pregnant young and everything. x


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## luxe191919

Thats very good advice!Im only 19 but you are absolutley right at this age you should be worried about school having fun with freinds and yourself not about a baby or having to pay bills or weither or not youll be able to go to school/college for me and be able to finish the term before the baby arrives and weither or not the FOB will always be around.


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## jennifer1984

sarah0108 said:


> I dont want this thread to sound nasty or harsh in anyway at all im just hoping to shed a bit of light on peoples ideas of having a baby so young.
> 
> i'll say this as nicely as possible but I have seen loads of threads on here of underage girls wanting babies and trying for them and i cant help but feel a bit sad. Please dont wish your life away that easily! its not all fun and games.
> 
> i'm 16 with a 4 month old baby girl, and i got pregnant at 15, just before the start of my last year at school. This meant she was due smack bang in the middle of my GCSE's. I found it very difficult going to school seeing my friends in my spare time etc, not to mention the amount of 16th birthday partys i couldnt attend! when it came to GCSE time, i didnt know where i was at. Whether i'd have my baby before them meaning i couldnt sit them or during one! Luckily she was born in half term and i managed to do them all and get good grades, but its not all going to work out perfectly.
> 
> i never tried for a baby, i was just stupid at the time. My and her dad are still together but i wont lie.. its been hard. Very hard. Dealing with the facts your partner can do exactly what they want and walk away at anytime is terrifying. not too mention the loniless you feel when your friends say they will visit you..and they dont.
> 
> :nope:
> 
> Now thats shes here im so happy and i love her too bits but i wont ever get my life back, and ill never get chance to do things. Im currently at 6th form but i wish i was at college meeting new people, unfortunatly i applied to late for college and now i cant change that. I was also due 3 days after my Prom so i couldnt go. I look back now and wish i could have done all those things, made new friends and had some fun but i couldnt!
> 
> not to mention the fact that my life now revolves round me, my daughter, a levels and running a household on a budget. Its hard! a 15/16 year old should only have them selves to worry about, and not have 1 million things to sort out before they even set foot out the door. things get stressful and concentration levels are hard when you get no sleep at night. i dont EVER wish i didnt have her but i do wish i got a chance to have some 'me time' and not have to worry about anything..but myself!
> 
> Another thing that makes life harder is the shit you get from other people being so young. Having a baby is the hardest things you will ever do, any mother regardless of age will say that.
> 
> I know me saying all this is probably not going to change someones mind if they are set on having a baby, but at least think about what im saying.
> 
> i respect all teen mums, they do a great job, i just dont think its right at 15 or 16 to be planning kids so soon
> 
> feel free to PM me if you ever need advice, remember this is coming from a young mum!
> Hope you find my words helpful and i hope i havent offended anyone x







I see you say this but then i see you are pregnant with #2 why so young you should have waited its hard with one just waite untill 2


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## 05wilkesm

im 15 and expecting mine about a month before my exams but i dont have loads of exams thanks god only like the basic science, maths and english , As my other subjects were mainly coursework based and ive got my head down and got up 2 date in most of them so when the baby comes i wont have to worry as much but i know it'll be hard, and i know im gonna wish i waited a bit longer, but thankfully my mum has always been there too pick up the peices and i have really supportive friends so hopefully it shouldnt be super stressful, But im not moving out until im on my feet and earning money or atleast my partner is earning a decent amount so im finishing college and getting a job before i leave my mums house and my mums allowing that cos she knows thats the least i owe my child, 
But i dont think really young people should be TTC, because if your immature enough to try and concieve at a really young age then your too immature too have a child in my eyes
xx


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## KA92

just thought id point out this thread is a few months old but STILL gives good advice

this is my third pregnancy i have no living child...none of my babies were planned but i dont love them any less for it

my first baby i was in 5th year(im in scotland) 16 and was about to sit my highers (the exams thta give you the grades to go from school to uni)

Jamie was due June the 2nd, same day as my last exam

Taylor was due June 15th(a year apart) im in uni now and would have just sat my uni exams

this one is due on my 18th birthday...yes it will be hard, i can see that i see my best friend and her son and i know its hard!! but shes doing amazingly well and i have the support of her and my family behind me

i dont agree with people my age TTC, its very irrespnsible but accidents DO happen. It shows your maturity if your able to deal with it instead of hiding it or hoping it will "go away" (i have seen this happen alot of times, i live in Dundee highest teenage pregnancy rate in scotland)

I'm gona be a teen mum, my best friend IS a teen mum, and although i know its gona make a big change to my life wer both gona/are doing great

Well done Sarah though for bringing this up wishing you all happy and healthy babies!


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## trashit

i think this is really good advice, i just dont think that young girls set on having a baby want to listen :nope: i think the best way of dealing with it is giving them all one of them dolls once they hit about 13, the real life baby ones that scream as much as a real baby does, and show them exactly how it is. Because i think they paint an idealistic picture of having a baby, imagine walks in the park with the pram, dressing this cute little thing up in nice clothes etc. and sure they get told its the hardest thing in the world, and they know theyll have nappy changes and feeds, but theyll never fully understand how difficult it is, i mean i dont really, i know im gonna be hit hard when he comes, and im not in the middle of exams thank god. I notice the poster is having a second baby, how are you coping? that must be so difficult... i cant imagine going through the horrors of pregnancy again for a good few years! :lol:


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## Midnight_Fairy

I dont think people realise that 5yr olds are hard work (and kids are at every age!) when I was 16, I didnt think it would be so hard when my kids were at school, But it is. Its a very challenging time and infact newborn is the easiest they will ever be!

I didnt think of the future when I was 16. I have 2 close together and to be quite honest I got pregnant when my son was 13mths. I didnt know what hard was! 
Put it this way, If I had left it longer to get pregnant and had experienced terrible 2's etc first, I definitly would not have been so slack!

Kids are hard. I dont regret them but it definitly doesnt get easier.


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## AnnabelsMummy

i think it's really good advice.. and being pregnant already it's scared me.. just a shame it probably won't do that to the ones TTC they never will listen yet they'll be the ones posting a post exactly like this probably.. 
i posted a post the other day saying how i didn't understand how so may youngesters wanted to TTC so early on.. especially one's under 16.. 
well done though on your little girl.. 
xxxx


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## Heavencanwait

xCorkettex said:


> I apologise if this upsets anyone.

I think that everything you said in your post was spot on and definitely something to think about.
To anyone thinking about having a child during their teens, I would say what about living your own life first? And I don't mean going out with your mates on a Saturday night while you're living with your parents. I'm talking about standing on your own two feet independantly, financially and having your own time to be you.
I'm 36 and having my first baby next month. The person I am now isn't even close to the person I was at 17. Aside from the obvious advantages that I have worked to achieve, including being in a secure relationship and owning my own home, I don't feel I will ever look back on my life and say that I missed out. The last 20 years have been amazing - no pressure to stay in relationships I don't want to stay in, meeting new people and making new friends, earning my own money and having a satisfying career, travelling, working and living all around the world - there's more to life than staying in the UK until the day you die, and living life is just stuff you don't learn unless you're out there doing it. I'm talking about having the communication skills that I just did not have as a teenager, as well as better judgement in situations where this isn't always a clear answer.
Now Im ready to learn some more and be a parent. Why anybody would want to miss out on getting what's theirs - education and a career to build a decent life for themselves, is something I don't understand. What's the rush?


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## Kellie Marie

I'm 19 and I am TTC. Not every teenager thats TTC will ignore this. Infact its kind of opened my eyes abit more....so thank you I guess.

Everything you have written is nothing I don't know already...but I guess reading it in black and white makes it more "realistic" rather then getting a lecture from other people about how hard it is and how I have my whole life ahead of me!

I'm quite mature for my age because ive had to be so i'm not stupid! I have done my GCSE'S, My A levels and Im currently working. I have my own flat and I live with my oh who I have been with for 2 years. He had a little girl when he was 17 (now 4) and it was so hard for him and the baby mum. They lived in hostels, went days without eating because they couldnt afford it and had to wash their clothes in the bath wen the washing machine broke down because they couldnt afford to repairs it. (what 17 year old has alot of money??)

I'm not the average 19 year old I dont go out drinking, clubbing and messing about till all hours of the night if anything its quite sad that I feel like a married 40 year old....going to work, cooking,cleaning paying bills etc. I dont spend my money on clothes cds etc I buy things for my house, shopping etc so having a baby wouldnt change my lifestyle at all apart from the obvious. I feel "ready" now...well as ready as anyone can be! My cousin whose just turned 30 has her mum do everything for her...she works and has her own house but her mum still buys her food shopping etc and shes about to have her first and even she's not ready!

You have given good advice and i have taken it all in but my hearts set on having a baby....not because I'm foolish but because I know in my heart Im ready and I will be a good mum whether its hard or not.

Thanks again :hugs:


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## acdmommy

here is my story about why i TTC'd when i was 16! i have been with my boyfriend since i was 14 years old, and we waited for a lng time to have sex we finally did and i got pregnant but i was so anorexic that i lost my LO :'( i went to counselling and got my shit together and all i could think about was that i was meant to be a mother. so we TTC'd for 5 months before i was heathly enough that i got pregnant. i may not have finished high school at the time but i was never happier in my life than the day i had an almost perfectly healthy baby girl, who will be 6 in just over a month! personally age has no meaning to me, my step sister is 5 months pregnant and she is 15 and she is super happy as well...some people are able to do it young and not have any life 'problems' and some people arent. some people cant even have babies when they are 30 so i think that all you pregnant teens are just great i dont feel like i was so crazy like everyone said to me...i am now 22 years old have 3 children and 1 on the way and i am getting married to my boyfriend that i have been with since i was 14 and we couldnt be happier people, all because of our first born!!!

AGE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MOTHERHOOD


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## SweetNothings

In response to the last couple posts...no one is saying you made a mistake or that we are expecting you to go out and lead a life of partying rather than keeping house or taking care of a child.

I was never a partyer, i didnt do a lot of drinking and ive certainly never gotten into any trouble with illegal drugs and whatnot and i dont have a child either because i still dont see how i can be ready but i think what the woman 3 posts back was trying to say is that there are advantages to waiting til years later to have a child because it gives you the chance to live on your own and live a financially stable life and smart life before bringing a kid into this world.

No 16 year old (unless you are a paris hilton and have access to a lot of money) can tell me that they are leading an ideal life when they CHOOSE to get pregnant as in an unplanned pregnancy unless you have access to lots of resources. How can you even say that? 16 year olds have no worldly experience, i cant imagine what kind of fabulous paying job a 16 year old would get unless you are a celebrity

I'm sorry but a lot of times you feel "ready" at the age that you are at because you are living in the moment and you dont realize til 5 years later when you look back that you really WERENT ready. I guess maybe the reason I feel this way is partially do to my upbringing...both of my parents are highly educated, with proper professions and make good money... i just feel that i REALLY want to be educated to the best that i can be and work in a strong profession that pays well so that my children can lead the best life possible.

I dont see how a 15 year old can be happy having kids that young, or emotionally ready for sex at that age either. I mean kudos to you ACD but i dont understand it


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## moomin_troll

i havent seen this thread before so i havent read all of it lol just the OP and id also like to say theres some good advice in there.

i was 19 when i got pregnant, i had just started a new job and was doing a nvq in business administration. doin that pregnant made it so much more difficult, i really dont no who i got thru it and passed it all.

being 19 was hard enough let alone being under the age of 18 i wudnt of been able to cope (ive always been grown up for my age my mum was always tellin me to act more childish lol) but to actualy plan to have a baby under the age of 16 is rediculas.

being a parent is so much harder then me or my oh could of ever thought, he actualy was gob smacked to how hard and stressful it was.

and the money side of things omg! my ohs in the army so has a good job i was working 40 hours a week as admin so both being in very good jobs we still found it so hard affording things. i dont get how ppl can think they can do all this either on benifits or thru there parents if they r under 16 and not really allowed to work a decent job


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## Midnight_Fairy

The person I was when I was 16 and first pregnant isnt even me anymore, I look back and its weird because I am so different now.


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## Aidan's Mummy

Can I just ask acd without sounding mean. When you were 16 and trying for a baby were you fiancally stable?/
xx


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## Lil-woowoo

I fell pregnant at 18 while i was in fulltime college studying accounts and OMG it was hard going, also took on a part-time job at nights to get some extra cash for the baby. My partner was working full time so financially we where doing ok. I had my baby and took 2 weeks out of college then went back and finished but was really hard being up all night and trying to studying for exams. I then went to work in a bank part-time for a year before going onto uni to study nursing. My wee boy is now coming up 5 and i qualify in 7 months. It has been so much harder and as much as i wouldnt change him for the world but really wish he came along when i was older x


----------



## Heavencanwait

Kellie Marie said:


> I'm 19 and I am TTC. Not every teenager thats TTC will ignore this. Infact its kind of opened my eyes abit more....so thank you I guess.
> 
> Everything you have written is nothing I don't know already...but I guess reading it in black and white makes it more "realistic" rather then getting a lecture from other people about how hard it is and how I have my whole life ahead of me!
> 
> I'm quite mature for my age because ive had to be so i'm not stupid! I have done my GCSE'S, My A levels and Im currently working. I have my own flat and I live with my oh who I have been with for 2 years. He had a little girl when he was 17 (now 4) and it was so hard for him and the baby mum. They lived in hostels, went days without eating because they couldnt afford it and had to wash their clothes in the bath wen the washing machine broke down because they couldnt afford to repairs it. (what 17 year old has alot of money??)
> 
> I'm not the average 19 year old I dont go out drinking, clubbing and messing about till all hours of the night if anything its quite sad that I feel like a married 40 year old....going to work, cooking,cleaning paying bills etc. I dont spend my money on clothes cds etc I buy things for my house, shopping etc so having a baby wouldnt change my lifestyle at all apart from the obvious. I feel "ready" now...well as ready as anyone can be! My cousin whose just turned 30 has her mum do everything for her...she works and has her own house but her mum still buys her food shopping etc and shes about to have her first and even she's not ready!
> 
> You have given good advice and i have taken it all in but my hearts set on having a baby....not because I'm foolish but because I know in my heart Im ready and I will be a good mum whether its hard or not.
> 
> Thanks again :hugs:

I think there is often a significant difference between being 17 and being 19 - in your mind, you often feel more 'grown', and in turn begin to think more maturely. Plus hopefully by that age you have moved from school into the workplace and your peers have become other young adults in their twenties who are starting out. Working a job, even if the money isn't brilliant (as is usually the case if you haven't much experience or are working towards a qualification) and being able to rent your own place for the first time is the first step towards making your life what you really it to be. Nobody walks into a fabulous well paid job at 16 with a couple of GSCE's. Unfortunately, you've often got to start at the bottom and work your way up, and sometimes do the rubbish jobs to get to the job you want.
It sounds to me like Kellie Marie has done what she feels is adequate to set herself up before devoting her life to a family, so I wish you lots of luck.

Some (not all) of the posts in this thread are written in a standard of English that would not be successful on a job application form or CV. If you're on the forums typing away and not really paying attention to spelling and grammar, but know how to write properly when it comes to job applications, then great. I'm sure my own posts aren't perfect either. But if your grammar and spelling isn't up to scratch, how will any employer notice you amongst all the other applicants for the job you are applying for? And how will you help your children when they are looking for work in their teens? The answer is it will keep closed doors shut.

Being in your teens and early twenties is about making the most of the time you've got to build a life for yourself - it's true you really can do anything you want to if you work towards it. Spend your twenties working, playing, saving, living, experiencing, make some mistakes so that you don't get it wrong the second time around. Because you've got all the time in the world to have that family.


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## Hollys_Twinny

I think the OP has done a great job with this, I was 20 years old & found it tough! I dread to think how I would have coped at 15, well actually I wouldn't have. Things have changed so much in the space of 7 years... I couldn't think of anything worse at 15 than having a baby, I was looking forward to partys, clubbing and meeting new people.

I honestly think any 15 year old that TTC has a screw loose! That may sound harsh but I know alot of people that have died at a young age recently & it makes you greatful to tell the truth.

Please listen to your parents etc when they talk to you, they aren't lying when they tell you how hard it is!!!


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## Kellie Marie

Hmm....this is not aimed at heavencanwait because you have replied to my post but to everyone in general. 

The person that started this thread started it because she wanted people in their teens to realise how difficult having a child is. Which is great and everyone needs to know so thank you. But everyone thats had/having a child is making post that arent as friendly!

I agree as young as 14 shouldnt be having kids but this site isn't about name calling i.e "screw loose" its about helping people! 

I know when I was 14 I didnt really have any adult that I could talk to about any problems I had....did you? Well most 14 - 16 year olds come on this site to get advice off people because they find it easier then telling people they know! 

If I was a 14 year old and TTC and I saw this thread I would think its just an opportunity for people who have had a child young (mistake) to bitch and not help! Haven't you noticed theres not really any YOUNG person TTC commenting on this??

I'm entitled to my own opinion but I just think when someone says "I am young and I feel ready to TTC" they shouldnt be frowned upon but given nice friendly advice from people that have been there. NOT to pick on them and make harsh comments! 

We are entitled to our own opinion arent we? it just doesnt have to be as unfriendly as some of the previous posts have been thats all :)


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

Kellie Marie said:


> Hmm....this is not aimed at heavencanwait because you have replied to my post but to everyone in general.
> 
> The person that started this thread started it because she wanted people in their teens to realise how difficult having a child is. Which is great and everyone needs to know so thank you. But everyone thats had/having a child is making post that arent as friendly!
> 
> I agree as young as 14 shouldnt be having kids but this site isn't about name calling i.e "screw loose" its about helping people!
> 
> I know when I was 14 I didnt really have any adult that I could talk to about any problems I had....did you? Well most 14 - 16 year olds come on this site to get advice off people because they find it easier then telling people they know!
> 
> If I was a 14 year old and TTC and I saw this thread I would think its just an opportunity for people who have had a child young (mistake) to bitch and not help! Haven't you noticed theres not really any YOUNG person TTC commenting on this??
> 
> I'm entitled to my own opinion but I just think when someone says "I am young and I feel ready to TTC" they shouldnt be frowned upon but given nice friendly advice from people that have been there. NOT to pick on them and make harsh comments!
> 
> We are entitled to our own opinion arent we? it just doesnt have to be as unfriendly as some of the previous posts have been thats all :)

 

Firstly I wasn't picking on anybody!! I didn't pin point 1 person in particular. And I stand by what I said... I think it's crazy that anybody at the age of 15 is TTC... This forum is not for that.. It's for PREGNANT teens to find help and reasurance! It clearly states in the BnB rules that nobody under the age of 18 is allowed to use the WTT or TTC forum, For that reason.not to mention it actually being ILLEGAL for them to even be having sex at that age

I'm fully aware that mistakes happen, and I take my hat off to those teenage girls who do a fab job bringing a baby up! But I can't help but feel sad on the life they are missing out on!!

:shrug: 
Call it whatever you like!


----------



## Kellie Marie

x Hayley x said:


> Kellie Marie said:
> 
> 
> Hmm....this is not aimed at heavencanwait because you have replied to my post but to everyone in general.
> 
> The person that started this thread started it because she wanted people in their teens to realise how difficult having a child is. Which is great and everyone needs to know so thank you. But everyone thats had/having a child is making post that arent as friendly!
> 
> I agree as young as 14 shouldnt be having kids but this site isn't about name calling i.e "screw loose" its about helping people!
> 
> I know when I was 14 I didnt really have any adult that I could talk to about any problems I had....did you? Well most 14 - 16 year olds come on this site to get advice off people because they find it easier then telling people they know!
> 
> If I was a 14 year old and TTC and I saw this thread I would think its just an opportunity for people who have had a child young (mistake) to bitch and not help! Haven't you noticed theres not really any YOUNG person TTC commenting on this??
> 
> I'm entitled to my own opinion but I just think when someone says "I am young and I feel ready to TTC" they shouldnt be frowned upon but given nice friendly advice from people that have been there. NOT to pick on them and make harsh comments!
> 
> We are entitled to our own opinion arent we? it just doesnt have to be as unfriendly as some of the previous posts have been thats all :)
> 
> 
> 
> Firstly I wasn't picking on anybody!! I didn't pin point 1 person in particular. And I stand by what I said... I think it's crazy that anybody at the age of 15 is TTC... This forum is not for that.. It's for PREGNANT teens to find help and reasurance! It clearly states in the BnB rules that nobody under the age of 18 is allowed to use the WTT or TTC forum, For that reason.not to mention it actually being ILLEGAL for them to even be having sex at that age
> 
> I'm fully aware that mistakes happen, and I take my hat off to those teenage girls who do a fab job bringing a baby up! But I can't help but feel sad on the life they are missing out on!!
> 
> :shrug:
> Call it whatever you like!Click to expand...

My point exactly! I'm entitled to my opinion as much as you are and I dont disagree with ANYTHING anybody in this thread has said!!! ALL I was saying was WE could be alittle bit more friendly about how we say things! Your last comment is exactly what I was talking about! 

Whats the point in being rude? And whether it says under 18s shouldnt be posting in the forums they still do and the whole point in the thread is because the person that started in couldnt believe people as young as 14 were TTC?!


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## Hollys_Twinny

I'm sorry u don't really get what your point is? If I've come across as bullying 14 year old then I do apolagise :rofl:

It doesn't effect me in the slightest if a 14 year old has a child. In my eyes though at 14 they are still a child themselves and shouldn't be thinking of ttc at that age. some people on here actually have problems conceiving, how do you think it makes them feel at the age of lets say 30? When they see 14 year olds moaning because they want a child? Like shit that's how!

I think I'm gonna leave this thread now, as I see this discussion with you as pretty pointless, your 19 and I'm 21 so it really doesn't concern either of us.


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## Kellie Marie

Who said anything about bullying?! I never said anything of the sort! 

My point is YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SO UNFRIENDLY TOWARDS YOUNG PEOPLE TRYING TO CONCEIVE thats all. You can give your advice in a better way then you have!

I have PCOS and after 2 miscarriages I can't get pregnant but it doesnt bother me if someone younger than me can get pregnant, why would I be angry at them???

And technically I'm still classed as a young person TTC and people of my age that have had babies at my age are giving GOOD FRIENDLY advice about why I should wait! So yeah it does concern me as I like to know!

God and there was me thinking EVERYONE was really nice that used BnB!


----------



## SweetNothings

Kellie Marie said:


> Who said anything about bullying?! I never said anything of the sort!
> 
> My point is YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SO UNFRIENDLY TOWARDS YOUNG PEOPLE TRYING TO CONCEIVE thats all. You can give your advice in a better way then you have!
> 
> I have PCOS and after 2 miscarriages I can't get pregnant but it doesnt bother me if someone younger than me can get pregnant, why would I be angry at them???
> 
> And technically I'm still classed as a young person TTC and people of my age that have had babies at my age are giving GOOD FRIENDLY advice about why I should wait! So yeah it does concern me as I like to know!
> 
> God and there was me thinking EVERYONE was really nice that used BnB!

I see your point Kelly Marie and I think also that young people TTC'ing need supporting help, but at the same time I kinda disagree with you because it is a different scenario when someone who is 14 or 15 or even 16 is choosing to get pregnant....and is actively TRYING to plan a pregnancy. I think most people at that age don't fully understand the consequences because they cant foresee the future ahead of them and they want one thing and they almost have a sort of tunnel vision.

I have an immense amount of respect and sympathy for those who get pregnant by accident while on the pill or some sort of contraception because mistakes happen...and i even understand that sometimes for whatever odd reason you cant get your hands on contraception and you have unprotected sex...i get that that happens

but im sorry when someone is FOURTEEN and they are deliberately planning a pregnancy, i TRULY believe that that is one of THEE most selfish acts....to bring a child into this world when you don't have the means or the knowledge to do so, i don't care how adult a fourteen year old feels, to do that means that you dont have any capacity to understand or empathize with another human being's needs (human being = baby).

But overall they DO need support and whether it was planned or unplanned everyone needs help and should be entitled to it because at the end of the day every baby deserves the best whether they are planned or unplanned


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## Aidan's Mummy

If a 14 year old comes on here syaing that want a baby they will get advice some of it may sound harsh but I think it is worng tryng for a baby at 14 or even under 18

1) How can they possibly TTC for a child at that age. I mean come on

I was a mother at 16 and I get sick of girls coming on here syaing I want a baby and they are below 18 I'm sorry but before you have a child you have NO idea how hard it is to be a teen mum. It is really hard. Its not easy and its far from cute babies etc etc.

Aidan had colic I used to pace up and down with him rubbing his back whilst screaming for hours, then when he went to sleep at about midnight I used to get my coursework out and start on that for college and then go bed about 3 and get up at 6. 

Haley wasnt being horrible she was stating the reality. If they cant handel that then they shouldnt be trying for a baby

xx


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## trashit

it must be so difficult for anyone under 16 to have a child, im nearly 17 and ive had a difficult enough time. Just the financial side if anything, because under 16s cannot claim for ANYTHING. And apart from a paper round, whose gonna employ them? So theyre not gonna financially be stable enough to support the baby, theyre really going to end up relying on their family. And whose gonna care for the baby when theyre at school?? Because its not like college or uni, there isnt a creche, again theyre going to be relying on their parents..... I think they do it because theyre lonely, because theyre parents dont give them the attention they want and because they think babies are cute and they love the little outfits. I really cant think of any other reason why anyone would TTC that young!! xx


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## SweetNothings

trashit said:


> it must be so difficult for anyone under 16 to have a child, im nearly 17 and ive had a difficult enough time. Just the financial side if anything, because under 16s cannot claim for ANYTHING. And apart from a paper round, whose gonna employ them? So theyre not gonna financially be stable enough to support the baby, theyre really going to end up relying on their family. And whose gonna care for the baby when theyre at school?? Because its not like college or uni, there isnt a creche, again theyre going to be relying on their parents..... I think they do it because theyre lonely, because theyre parents dont give them the attention they want and because they think babies are cute and they love the little outfits. I really cant think of any other reason why anyone would TTC that young!! xx

i sooooo 110% agree with everything you said there


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## Hollys_Twinny

Kellie Marie said:


> Who said anything about bullying?! I never said anything of the sort!
> 
> My point is YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SO UNFRIENDLY TOWARDS YOUNG PEOPLE TRYING TO CONCEIVE thats all. You can give your advice in a better way then you have!
> 
> I have PCOS and after 2 miscarriages I can't get pregnant but it doesnt bother me if someone younger than me can get pregnant, why would I be angry at them???
> 
> And technically I'm still classed as a young person TTC and people of my age that have had babies at my age are giving GOOD FRIENDLY advice about why I should wait! So yeah it does concern me as I like to know!
> 
> God and there was me thinking EVERYONE was really nice that used BnB!

I'm sorry to hear of your PCOS, you may class yourself as a young person but the fact is your an adult, with a job & your own home, I wish you all the luck in the world conceiving!

You say you had nobody to talk to at 14? Just take a look at how much you've changed since that age? No 14 year old is going to be able to support a baby on their own, or put a roof over their heads!

An example for you:

when I was 14 I wanted a horse, I pleaded with my dad day and night to get mr this bloody horse, he got it for me.. I had to get up at 6 am 2 feed my horse, clean her stable then put her in the field fir the day...after two months I was begging my dad to sell it.... Having a baby is 1 million times harder than having a bloody horse!! And they aren't as easy to get rid of! I do think at 14 I would have lost my mind if I had a baby.

Your feelings change as you grow up! And I think girls at the age of 14 wanting a baby..is all part of "playing the adult" and I for one would be devasted if my daughter was TTC at that age.


----------



## Kellie Marie

SweetNothings said:


> Kellie Marie said:
> 
> 
> Who said anything about bullying?! I never said anything of the sort!
> 
> My point is YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SO UNFRIENDLY TOWARDS YOUNG PEOPLE TRYING TO CONCEIVE thats all. You can give your advice in a better way then you have!
> 
> I have PCOS and after 2 miscarriages I can't get pregnant but it doesnt bother me if someone younger than me can get pregnant, why would I be angry at them???
> 
> And technically I'm still classed as a young person TTC and people of my age that have had babies at my age are giving GOOD FRIENDLY advice about why I should wait! So yeah it does concern me as I like to know!
> 
> God and there was me thinking EVERYONE was really nice that used BnB!
> 
> I see your point Kelly Marie and I think also that young people TTC'ing need supporting help, but at the same time I kinda disagree with you because it is a different scenario when someone who is 14 or 15 or even 16 is choosing to get pregnant....and is actively TRYING to plan a pregnancy. I think most people at that age don't fully understand the consequences because they cant foresee the future ahead of them and they want one thing and they almost have a sort of tunnel vision.
> 
> I have an immense amount of respect and sympathy for those who get pregnant by accident while on the pill or some sort of contraception because mistakes happen...and i even understand that sometimes for whatever odd reason you cant get your hands on contraception and you have unprotected sex...i get that that happens
> 
> but im sorry when someone is FOURTEEN and they are deliberately planning a pregnancy, i TRULY believe that that is one of THEE most selfish acts....to bring a child into this world when you don't have the means or the knowledge to do so, i don't care how adult a fourteen year old feels, to do that means that you dont have any capacity to understand or empathize with another human being's needs (human being = baby).
> 
> But overall they DO need support and whether it was planned or unplanned everyone needs help and should be entitled to it because at the end of the day every baby deserves the best whether they are planned or unplannedClick to expand...

Thats the thing I TOTALLY TOTALLY agree with everything everyone is saying!
I would NEVER encourage a girl of under 16 to have a child I do think thats wrong. Even I'm wayy too young and I'm 19. Girls that do get pregnant unplanned I do take my hat off to them - My OH has a 4 year old and hes only 21 so trust me I do know how hard it is (she stays every second week for a week) 

All I meant was......theres obviously some reason why a 14 year old wants a child so young? Whether thats personal issues at home etc . (the whole I want to be loved thing) and this is an open thread for ANYONE to read including those 14 year olds. so instead of all of us (including me) saying how ridiculous they are maybe we could give them a nice friendly push in the right direction :shrug:

I was not intending on offending anyone in this thread and I really like hearing others stories so I know what I'm letting myself in for. But I think myabe the thread should be used for telling people their stories and personal experiences not to judge?

Once again I really do not mean to offend anyone :cry:


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

Btw I'm not actually a nasty person so don't try and make me out to be thanx!!!


----------



## lynette1994

trashit said:


> I think they do it because theyre lonely, because theyre parents dont give them the attention they want and because they think babies are cute and they love the little outfits. I really cant think of any other reason why anyone would TTC that young!! xx


I think this may be true for some but not for all, it would be labeling ALL teen mums as bad mothers. I'm 15 and waiting until I am settled and at least out of college to try for a baby. I don't want a baby because I think "it cute" that's what I want out of life just as some people want to be lawyers or business owners I want to be a mother. And I know having a baby now I wouldn't be able to get what else I want from life or give my baby what it needs. But some girls that want babies really do have problems such as low self esteem.


----------



## Kellie Marie

x Hayley x said:


> Kellie Marie said:
> 
> 
> Who said anything about bullying?! I never said anything of the sort!
> 
> My point is YOU DONT HAVE TO BE SO UNFRIENDLY TOWARDS YOUNG PEOPLE TRYING TO CONCEIVE thats all. You can give your advice in a better way then you have!
> 
> I have PCOS and after 2 miscarriages I can't get pregnant but it doesnt bother me if someone younger than me can get pregnant, why would I be angry at them???
> 
> And technically I'm still classed as a young person TTC and people of my age that have had babies at my age are giving GOOD FRIENDLY advice about why I should wait! So yeah it does concern me as I like to know!
> 
> God and there was me thinking EVERYONE was really nice that used BnB!
> 
> I'm sorry to hear of your PCOS, you may class yourself as a young person but the fact is your an adult, with a job & your own home, I wish you all the luck in the world conceiving!
> 
> You say you had nobody to talk to at 14? Just take a look at how much you've changed since that age? No 14 year old is going to be able to support a baby on their own, or put a roof over their heads!
> 
> An example for you:
> 
> when I was 14 I wanted a horse, I pleaded with my dad day and night to get mr this bloody horse, he got it for me.. I had to get up at 6 am 2 feed my horse, clean her stable then put her in the field fir the day...after two months I was begging my dad to sell it.... Having a baby is 1 million times harder than having a bloody horse!! And they aren't as easy to get rid of! I do think at 14 I would have lost my mind if I had a baby.
> 
> Your feelings change as you grow up! And I think girls at the age of 14 wanting a baby..is all part of "playing the adult" and I for one would be devasted if my daughter was TTC at that age.Click to expand...

Yeah Hayley I totally 100% no doubt about it think exaclty the same. At the end of the day they are kids? and this thread was made for people to share their stories about how hard it is being a teen mum so other young teens TTC can see how hard it REALLY is.

If I was a 14 year and REALLY REALLY wanted a kid I would come on here read everyones story and think "wow I guess it isnt that easy" 

Reading everything might make them think I'l wait until after my GCSE'S or until I have a nice home.......But if I was a 14 year old and read everyone calling me "ridiculous, immature ect" (whether its true or not) I would think "these people just dont understand they dont know me and how mature I am" and I wouldnt ask for advice. 

I dont know if I'm making sense but I know in my head what I'm say lol

Sorry again if i caused offence :)


----------



## Kellie Marie

x Hayley x said:


> Btw I'm not actually a nasty person so don't try and make me out to be thanx!!!

I didnt :shrug:


----------



## Kellie Marie

Aidan's Mummy said:


> If a 14 year old comes on here syaing that want a baby they will get advice some of it may sound harsh but I think it is worng tryng for a baby at 14 or even under 18
> 
> 1) How can they possibly TTC for a child at that age. I mean come on
> 
> I was a mother at 16 and I get sick of girls coming on here syaing I want a baby and they are below 18 I'm sorry but before you have a child you have NO idea how hard it is to be a teen mum. It is really hard. Its not easy and its far from cute babies etc etc.
> 
> Aidan had colic I used to pace up and down with him rubbing his back whilst screaming for hours, then when he went to sleep at about midnight I used to get my coursework out and start on that for college and then go bed about 3 and get up at 6.
> 
> Haley wasnt being horrible she was stating the reality. If they cant handel that then they shouldnt be trying for a baby
> 
> xx

I wasnt saying she was being horrible your missing what I meant and I think Hayley missed it too. Maybe I didnt explain it properly but I do agree with what your saying I just thought maybe we could give them advice and tell them your story instead of judging because as I said previously theres obviously a reason why they feel the need to have a baby at such a young age?? :shrug:


----------



## stephx

Ive not read every post but I was trying to concieve at 18- as long as you are mature enough to understand that you are finacially and emotionally stable enough to support a child.. then go for it. 

Its natural to be broody at a young age, but if you act on it irresponsibly without being stable enough to support yourself and your child, then yes, it is immature imo

xxx


----------



## trashit

lynette1994 said:


> trashit said:
> 
> 
> I think they do it because theyre lonely, because theyre parents dont give them the attention they want and because they think babies are cute and they love the little outfits. I really cant think of any other reason why anyone would TTC that young!! xx
> 
> 
> I think this may be true for some but not for all, *it would be labeling ALL teen mums as bad mothers.* I'm 15 and waiting until I am settled and at least out of college to try for a baby. I don't want a baby because I think "it cute" that's what I want out of life just as some people want to be lawyers or business owners I want to be a mother. And I know having a baby now I wouldn't be able to get what else I want from life or give my baby what it needs. But some girls that want babies really do have problems such as low self esteem.Click to expand...

 
why would i label ALL teen mums as bad mums when im one myself? :lol:
i wouldnt admit btw that your wtt at your age, because you'll get yourself deleted.
im not saying ALL of them are low on self esteem, and wanting attention, but MOST of them are, ive seen too many programmes on young girls wanting to TTC, and all of them have stated their reasons as being "because i think babies are so cute!" or "because it will give me some company" Which is ridiculous!!! Its clearly not a decision they have thought through properly, their thought process has clearly been "aww a baby, walks in the park, sweet outfits, someone to love" not the endless sleepless nights, the nappy changes, the financial side of things, where the baby will go when theyre at school etc. Theyre just too naive to realise what they're doing. xx


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

Kellie Marie said:


> God and there was me thinking EVERYONE was really nice that used BnB!

??


----------



## trashit

stephx said:


> Ive not read every post but I was trying to concieve at 18- as long as you are mature enough to understand that you are finacially and emotionally stable enough to support a child.. then go for it.
> 
> Its natural to be broody at a young age, but if you act on it irresponsibly without being stable enough to support yourself and your child, then yes, it is immature imo
> 
> xxx

 
I think its fine for anyone to TTC if they know what they are getting themselves into, if they are financially and emotionally stable and secure enough to do it.


----------



## chocaccino

Lol- i think the teens TTC have probably been frightened away reading some of the posts.
xxx


----------



## Kellie Marie

chocaccino said:


> Lol- i think the teens TTC have probably been frightened away reading some of the posts.
> xxx

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what I have been trying to say


----------



## Kellie Marie

x Hayley x said:


> Kellie Marie said:
> 
> 
> God and there was me thinking EVERYONE was really nice that used BnB!
> 
> ??Click to expand...

I have already sent you a private message apologising for the previous posts so if you refuse to except it and continue this argument what do you expect me to say??? :shrug:


----------



## Kellie Marie

/


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

I've literally just read your PM. It's not that I won't an appolagy I just don't like being called " not a nice person "

like I said back on like page eight lets forget it as it don't effect us. Jeeez!


----------



## trashit

can i just say to Hayley, your son is adorable :)


----------



## Kellie Marie

w.e


----------



## acdmommy

Aidan's Mummy said:


> Can I just ask acd without sounding mean. When you were 16 and trying for a baby were you fiancally stable?/
> xx

i was, but i was lucky. my mother wanted to teach me the value of a dollar so i have actually been working since i was 12, part time of course...at 16 i was pregnant working 2 jobs and going to school, most would have felt over whelmed but i am one of those people that need to be busy, after a while i got burnt out and i started doing my school work online and my father passed away along time ago and i had a trust fund with that money in it... i dont suggest anyone to want a child that young but who am i to say that you cant?

i have always had help,financially, because of my work habits and my fathers passing, but this life that i live is one i wouldnt trade for anything... i now work part time the elementary school that my daughter attends..... and my OH is a chef, we own our house and we have 3 brand new vehicles


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

trashit said:


> can i just say to Hayley, your son is adorable :)

Thank you Hun :)


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

Kellie Marie said:


> w.e

That's not very mature now is it??? I'm not the one who's tryed to make out your a bad person, I've wished you luck conceiving!! I appreciate your apolagy. We're just gonna have to agree to disagree.


----------



## Kellie Marie

x Hayley x said:


> Kellie Marie said:
> 
> 
> w.e
> 
> That's not very mature now is it??? I'm not the one who's tryed to make out your a bad person, I've wished you luck conceiving!! I appreciate your apolagy. We're just gonna have to agree to disagree.Click to expand...

Hayley seriously stop now because your sarcastic tone is starting to get boring! YOUR the one that said leave it on page 8 and again a couple of threads back....why are you carrying it on?? Your making your self look like a bitch NOT ME!


----------



## chocaccino

x Hayley x said:


> trashit said:
> 
> 
> can i just say to Hayley, your son is adorable :)
> 
> Thank you Hun :)Click to expand...

I second that!
xxx


----------



## KA92

chocaccino said:


> x Hayley x said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> trashit said:
> 
> 
> can i just say to Hayley, your son is adorable :)
> 
> Thank you Hun :)Click to expand...
> 
> I second that!
> xxxClick to expand...

lol i third it though iv seen most of your babies/babies in progress(as in scans) theyr all so cute! :)

everyone has their own opinion on things, sometimes we all agree, sometimes we dont its what makes individuals the people they are :)

good luck everyone in TTC/babies/children im sure youl all be amazing mothers :)


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

Double post!!


----------



## Hollys_Twinny

Kellie Marie said:


> x Hayley x said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Kellie Marie said:
> 
> 
> w.e
> 
> That's not very mature now is it??? I'm not the one who's tryed to make out your a bad person, I've wished you luck conceiving!! I appreciate your apolagy. We're just gonna have to agree to disagree.Click to expand...
> 
> Hayley seriously stop now because your sarcastic tone is starting to get boring! YOUR the one that said leave it on page 8 and again a couple of threads back....why are you carrying it on?? Your making your self look like a bitch NOT ME!Click to expand...

ohhhh shut up will you, I'm not looking like a bitch, your making yourself look a fool darling!!!!!


----------



## sarah0108

jennifer1984 said:


> sarah0108 said:
> 
> 
> I dont want this thread to sound nasty or harsh in anyway at all im just hoping to shed a bit of light on peoples ideas of having a baby so young.
> 
> i'll say this as nicely as possible but I have seen loads of threads on here of underage girls wanting babies and trying for them and i cant help but feel a bit sad. Please dont wish your life away that easily! its not all fun and games.
> 
> i'm 16 with a 4 month old baby girl, and i got pregnant at 15, just before the start of my last year at school. This meant she was due smack bang in the middle of my GCSE's. I found it very difficult going to school seeing my friends in my spare time etc, not to mention the amount of 16th birthday partys i couldnt attend! when it came to GCSE time, i didnt know where i was at. Whether i'd have my baby before them meaning i couldnt sit them or during one! Luckily she was born in half term and i managed to do them all and get good grades, but its not all going to work out perfectly.
> 
> i never tried for a baby, i was just stupid at the time. My and her dad are still together but i wont lie.. its been hard. Very hard. Dealing with the facts your partner can do exactly what they want and walk away at anytime is terrifying. not too mention the loniless you feel when your friends say they will visit you..and they dont.
> 
> :nope:
> 
> Now thats shes here im so happy and i love her too bits but i wont ever get my life back, and ill never get chance to do things. Im currently at 6th form but i wish i was at college meeting new people, unfortunatly i applied to late for college and now i cant change that. I was also due 3 days after my Prom so i couldnt go. I look back now and wish i could have done all those things, made new friends and had some fun but i couldnt!
> 
> not to mention the fact that my life now revolves round me, my daughter, a levels and running a household on a budget. Its hard! a 15/16 year old should only have them selves to worry about, and not have 1 million things to sort out before they even set foot out the door. things get stressful and concentration levels are hard when you get no sleep at night. i dont EVER wish i didnt have her but i do wish i got a chance to have some 'me time' and not have to worry about anything..but myself!
> 
> Another thing that makes life harder is the shit you get from other people being so young. Having a baby is the hardest things you will ever do, any mother regardless of age will say that.
> 
> I know me saying all this is probably not going to change someones mind if they are set on having a baby, but at least think about what im saying.
> 
> i respect all teen mums, they do a great job, i just dont think its right at 15 or 16 to be planning kids so soon
> 
> feel free to PM me if you ever need advice, remember this is coming from a young mum!
> Hope you find my words helpful and i hope i havent offended anyone x
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I see you say this but then i see you are pregnant with #2 why so young you should have waited its hard with one just waite untill 2Click to expand...


number 2 was unplanned and i never expected to be pregnant.. * i did not try to get pregnant * lets just clear that up. Not that its any of your business but when i fell pregnant again i dealt with it even though i WAS using contraception.


----------



## KA92

im about 18 weeks late but congrats sarah for your second baby :)

you girl is gorgeous(she was one of the ones i mentioned above)

guys we are all on bnb for the same thing? for support. :)


----------



## stephx

KA92 said:


> guys we are all on bnb for the same thing? for support. :)


Agreed. This thread was about offering some really good advice to young girls who need it- why has it turned into a massive slagging fest :shrug: 

xx


----------



## sarah0108

Thank you KA92 :D!! 

i really hope this thread calms down a little bit lol dont want it getting closed because a lot of people have posted good advice on here :) x


----------



## Kellie Marie

I dont know....I just thought using the term "screw loose" was abit much! but I guess some people get a kick out of calling others names! I didnt want an argument infact I apologised on many occasions in my previous threads incase I caused any offence and I sent a private message to one BnB member but I guess I'm still in the wrong!!

Just so everyone knows apparently your not entitled to your own opinion in these threads!!! :dohh: silly me I guess its because I'm new! But I know I will think twice when asking for advice on this site.


----------



## KA92

its okay :)

im really glad this was up i was 16 my first pregnancy and wished id had bnb for support...i wish id joined when i lost my daughter

but i didnt and i fell pregnant three times (using contraception but i have been on medication)
so if that makes me stupid? my three are the bes tthings to have happened to me :)

Think everyone should agree to disagree everyones opinions right in a way :) and we all want support not to see a massive bitchfest going on

im not picking on anyone btw! just kinda staing what i think others may feel :)

good luck ladies :)


----------



## 05wilkesm

Sorry but ive kinda been browsing adding a few comments here and there,
But yeah this had good advice and i totally agree that under 18s shouldnt be TTC.
But if anyone had noticed this is a TEEN PREGNANCY FORUM, so i think any 14/15 year old who had came on to this site for support and read this thread has probably thought twice about ever coming back on it, Cos im 15 and i know if i had read this thread the first time i came on here i wouldnt come back, and as this is teen pregnancy forum so yeah fair enough it isnt all roses but some people like me would like to look forward to the end of their pregnancy not read posts and posts about how rubbish the rest of my life is going too be, this site is for support and fair enough give advice but some people do come accross too be nasty whislt doing it.
*"I dont see how a 15 year old can be happy having kids that young, or emotionally ready for sex at that age either. I mean kudos to you ACD but i dont understand it"* Sorry but this was one of the main posts that p****d me off, Cos im 15 and im EXTREMELY HAPPY to be having kids, But in this day and age 15 year olds are having sex and i believe yes they are emotionally ready for sex most people if they werent ready they wouldnt have done it.


----------



## KA92

veyr true 05wilkiesm!! 12 year olds are at it!

we all want support(im so sorry i have overtaken this thread ill shut up now)
just feel that we should all be supporting one an other not arguing. its up to individual person at the end of the day how they feel...TTC under 18 isnt a good idea but for those who ARE14/15 and ARE PREGNANT good on you guys for being strong :)

oks ill seriously shut up now lol :)


----------



## 05wilkesm

Yeah i hope it calms down a bit now too lol,
Cos isn't fair on people who are around 14 and pregnant wanting advice/support and seeing some comments on this thread and not using BnB cos theres some horrible sites out there and i'd rather them be on BnB then any other one 
xx


----------



## Kellie Marie

05wilkesm said:


> so i think any 14/15 year old who had came on to this site for support and read this thread has probably thought twice about ever coming back on it, Cos im 15 and i know if i had read this thread the first time i came on here i wouldnt come back.

This is what I was trying to say - I didnt want an argument and I'm sorry Sarah for taking over your thread and having an argument on it :flower:


----------



## shocker

Ok so this is a good thread and it would be a shame if it got closed over silly arguments.Bnb doesnt support teens ttc as you know, also under 18s who are not pregnant are not allowed to be on this site and therefore i guess it doesnt really matter because they will be banned if they join anyway. However, for guests who view this site and browse its a good thread to have, now everyone virtual hug and make up :haha::flower:


----------



## moomin_troll

this was a thread made to be helpful and offer some advice and yet people still fight.
oh well.

sarah i didnt see ur pregnant CONGRATS and good luck with lo number 2


----------



## SweetNothings

If I had a daughter and she got pregnant under 20 I would be disappointed but thats just me...i think its also very different in each country because i am from canada but im currently living in the UK and over here in the UK schoool is only mandatory up to the age of 16 i think, but in canada its mandatory to 18 and grade 12 in canada is the rough equivalent of the A level in the UK 

so technically in a way by mandatory law and according to theory canadians SHOULD be more educated as a whole than the UK...plus most canadians go on to uni or some sort of post secondary education

so i think in the UK teenage pregnancy is more accepted at the age of 16 because you are technically finished mandatory schooling (with the option to do GCSEs and A levels) but in canada you are expected to finish grade 12 at the age of 18 yrs old, its mandatory and expected, although you do get the occasional dropout, but overall i think canadians take their education further so when a canadian DOES GET PREGNANT in her teens it looks a lot WORSE

but overall i think that sometimes culture and countries can affect teenage pregnancy rates too and i think thats why some of us are greatly opposed to teenage pregnancy as opposed to other people


----------



## sarah0108

moomin_troll said:


> this was a thread made to be helpful and offer some advice and yet people still fight.
> oh well.
> 
> sarah i didnt see ur pregnant CONGRATS and good luck with lo number 2


Thanks hun :hugs: x


----------



## 05wilkesm

i dont want to argue Sweetnothings and im not saying you are but its coming across as you dont accept younger than 18 teen pregnancy which i dont really understand as your in a teen pregnancy forum :S

But anyways im not arguing, ive decided to leave this thread and i hope if any pregnant 14/15 year olds do read this thread that they dont see some of the posts that could put them off coming back to BnB, But the advice is good! :D
xxx


----------



## stephx

SweetNothings said:


> If I had a daughter and she got pregnant under 20 I would be disappointed but thats just me...i think its also very different in each country because i am from canada but im currently living in the UK and over here in the UK schoool is only mandatory up to the age of 16 i think, but in canada its mandatory to 18 and grade 12 in canada is the rough equivalent of the A level in the UK
> 
> so technically in a way by mandatory law and according to theory canadians SHOULD be more educated as a whole than the UK...plus most canadians go on to uni or some sort of post secondary education
> 
> so i think in the UK teenage pregnancy is more accepted at the age of 16 because you are technically finished mandatory schooling (with the option to do GCSEs and A levels) but in canada you are expected to finish grade 12 at the age of 18 yrs old, its mandatory and expected, although you do get the occasional dropout, but overall i think canadians take their education further so when a canadian DOES GET PREGNANT in her teens it looks a lot WORSE
> 
> but overall i think that sometimes culture and countries can affect teenage pregnancy rates too and i think thats why some of us are greatly opposed to teenage pregnancy as opposed to other people

Whats so wrong with having children young? 

This post just came across as a little rude to me... this is a teen pregnancy forum, and this thread is trying to guide people away from TTC young, not slagging off teen mums saying its shameful and happens because of our culture??


----------



## 05wilkesm

Well said.
xx


----------



## SweetNothings

stephx said:


> SweetNothings said:
> 
> 
> If I had a daughter and she got pregnant under 20 I would be disappointed but thats just me...i think its also very different in each country because i am from canada but im currently living in the UK and over here in the UK schoool is only mandatory up to the age of 16 i think, but in canada its mandatory to 18 and grade 12 in canada is the rough equivalent of the A level in the UK
> 
> so technically in a way by mandatory law and according to theory canadians SHOULD be more educated as a whole than the UK...plus most canadians go on to uni or some sort of post secondary education
> 
> so i think in the UK teenage pregnancy is more accepted at the age of 16 because you are technically finished mandatory schooling (with the option to do GCSEs and A levels) but in canada you are expected to finish grade 12 at the age of 18 yrs old, its mandatory and expected, although you do get the occasional dropout, but overall i think canadians take their education further so when a canadian DOES GET PREGNANT in her teens it looks a lot WORSE
> 
> but overall i think that sometimes culture and countries can affect teenage pregnancy rates too and i think thats why some of us are greatly opposed to teenage pregnancy as opposed to other people
> 
> Whats so wrong with having children young?
> 
> This post just came across as a little rude to me... this is a teen pregnancy forum, and this thread is trying to guide people away from TTC young, not slagging off teen mums saying its shameful and happens because of our culture??Click to expand...

I was just pointing out an oobservation. im not in any way saying theres anything wrong, im just saying based on where i am from i would feel uncomfortable with my teenage daughter getting pregnant....its PURELY a preference is what i mean....just my personal opinion....im not slagging off teenage moms at all....i never meant for it to be taken like that, im just saying teenage pregnancies are higher in the UK...and sorry but thats a fact its been shown in numerous studies and on tv shows, its not saying that its bad or good, its JUST A FACT


----------



## moomin_troll

my mum always said she didnt want any of us to have children young and was dissapointed in me when i got pregnant at 19.

shes so happy now she loves zane to bits and cried at his 6 week scan but no mother wants there child to have kids young as u want so much more for them.

im not sayin u cant still have a great life and career by havin children young as i completed a business admin nvq when i was pregnant and love my son, but my mum regreted having kids young (her first at 19 too) and i think she blaimed us for her life not being how she saw it and she didnt want her kids to feel that way.

even tho she made us feel like crap by tellin us.

having had my son at a young age id go nuts if my 14 yr old son or daughter came to me and said they were pregnant.

it is illegal to have sex under 16 (in the uk)thats the main reason its not excepted, i wuda missed out on alot of growing up if i had zane at such a young age


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## 05wilkesm

Yes it is a fact and im not ashamed that it is either so its as if your trying to make us be ashamed of it.
i simply dont understand why you are in a teen pregnancy forum :shrug:


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## stephx

SweetNothings said:


> stephx said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SweetNothings said:
> 
> 
> If I had a daughter and she got pregnant under 20 I would be disappointed but thats just me...i think its also very different in each country because i am from canada but im currently living in the UK and over here in the UK schoool is only mandatory up to the age of 16 i think, but in canada its mandatory to 18 and grade 12 in canada is the rough equivalent of the A level in the UK
> 
> so technically in a way by mandatory law and according to theory canadians SHOULD be more educated as a whole than the UK...plus most canadians go on to uni or some sort of post secondary education
> 
> so i think in the UK teenage pregnancy is more accepted at the age of 16 because you are technically finished mandatory schooling (with the option to do GCSEs and A levels) but in canada you are expected to finish grade 12 at the age of 18 yrs old, its mandatory and expected, although you do get the occasional dropout, but overall i think canadians take their education further so when a canadian DOES GET PREGNANT in her teens it looks a lot WORSE
> 
> but overall i think that sometimes culture and countries can affect teenage pregnancy rates too and i think thats why some of us are greatly opposed to teenage pregnancy as opposed to other people
> 
> Whats so wrong with having children young?
> 
> This post just came across as a little rude to me... this is a teen pregnancy forum, and this thread is trying to guide people away from TTC young, not slagging off teen mums saying its shameful and happens because of our culture??Click to expand...
> 
> I was just pointing out an oobservation. im not in any way saying theres anything wrong, im just saying based on where i am from i would feel uncomfortable with my teenage daughter getting pregnant....its PURELY a preference is what i mean....just my personal opinion....im not slagging off teenage moms at all....i never meant for it to be taken like that, im just saying teenage pregnancies are higher in the UK...and sorry but thats a fact its been shown in numerous studies and on tv shows, its not saying that its bad or good, its JUST A FACTClick to expand...


Fact or not... your post came across as rude and this is frankly not the place to voice your opinion on teen pregnancy across cultures...

If you *did * want to tell us all how you feel about the amount of teens having kids here compared to in Canada, please post a seperate thread about it... Im sure it will be greatfully recieved here :D


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## SweetNothings

05wilkesm said:


> Yes it is a fact and im not ashamed that it is either so its as if your trying to make us be ashamed of it.
> i simply dont understand why you are in a teen pregnancy forum :shrug:

yes its a teen forum but this specific thread is aimed at people who are thinking about getting pregnant at a young age...the OP is trying to warn teens about getting pregnant because she knows how difficult it was when she had hers at a young age and im just trying to make the point of BE careful and know what you are doing...obviously if you are a pregnant teen at the moment this thread doesn't have a terrible amount of advice for you because its aimed at teens who arent pregnant yet or are thinking about getting pregnant

and for the last time im not trying to guilt anyone, im just pointing out like SO many other teen mums have so far that it IS indeed difficult so think first and get on the pill if you have ANY doubts....its FREE in the UK!!!! and most countries dont give it away for free!!!! people just dont get how lucky they are in this country, they really dont


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## 05wilkesm

Well pointing out how high teen pregnancy is in the UK isnt really the best advice is it? :shrug:
its just got beyond the point where it isnt advice
"obviously if you are a pregnant teen at the moment this thread doesn't have a terrible amount of advice for you because its aimed at teens who arent pregnant yet or are thinking about getting pregnant" - What on earth are you talking about the name of the thread is "Just wanna give you really young mums some advice :)" i now see myself as a really young mum so i should think its aimed at me.


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## Jas029

I just wanted to say, Thanks 05wilkesm for saying something :hugs:

I'm 14 and pregnant with my son.. As I read through some of the last pages of posts I felt attacked.. No I'm not trying to start anything but I just wanted to say some people definitely need to watch what they say on a TEEN PREGNANCY forum..
No I did NOT plan this pregnancy and I lost my mind when I found out I was pregnant but I grew up and trying to do my best to provide a good life for my son. 

But anyway, I think the OP has great advice in here so try not to start fights as I wouldn't want a mod to be forced to lock this and thanks 05wilkesm for speaking up as they were referring to 14/15 year olds ALOT and I just felt singled out.. 

I think you should be financially and emotionally stable before TTC and yes ofcorse I think you should be atleast 18.. I would never support a girl under 18 TTC but once the deed is done (Which is true for unplanned pregnancies as well) there's nothing you can do now but give that girl support because it's not going to make anything "better" by calling her names/ect..

(And congrats OP on #2! :thumbup:)


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## Midnight_Fairy

SweetNothings said:


> so technically in a way by mandatory law and according to theory canadians SHOULD be more educated as a whole than the UK...plus most canadians go on to uni or some sort of post secondary education

I see your in thoery point but I might have to agree to disagree on that one!

I see you are back with your man Sarah! Congrats, sorry not been in touch, its been a hard few weeks xx

I had 2 children by the age of 20 and I know for a fact my mum is so proud of me (not for getting pregnant young) but for how I have matured and brought up 2 amazing children:cloud9:


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## AP

Its a shame this thread has got this far with all the bickering. The OP's point was made and suddenly everyone takes it to heart. Maybe it was titled wrong :shrug: . 

She was only trying to show what life is like for her as a teen mum. F*** i'm now 23 and its bloody hard, I've been in tears last night at 4am because I spend all day trying to stop my LO shouting yet all night trying to keep her settled, I'm losing my mind as I'm typing this!

The OP's post was not picking on anyone, and yet again I see people asking others "why are you on the teen section?" Maybe to give advice? - maybe because we've been in a position as yours as a teen? Maybe because the common factor in this whole site is babies? 

Its like someone older in a Tri section asking why you are in that section too, as you have your own teen section. Just stupid!

People are only trying to give support and advice and the hope was obviously this thread would help deter the underagers from TTC.


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## 05wilkesm

That why are you teen section bit was probably aimed at me, i only really said that because she was giving all statistics on how bad teen pregnancy is in the UK etc. And that isnt exactly advice for teens TTC, Cos if their that set on having a baby their hardly gonna care how high the teen pregnancy rate is.


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## Hollys_Twinny

05wilkesm said:


> That why are you teen section bit was probably aimed at me, i only really said that because she was giving all statistics on how bad teen pregnancy is in the UK etc. And that isnt exactly advice for teens TTC, Cos if their that set on having a baby their hardly gonna care how high the teen pregnancy rate is.

This should really be dropped now, nobody has slagged out teen mums, it's about girls younger than 18 who are trying to conceive, it's against BnB rules, so whether they still do it or not isn't the point, if they get caught they'll be banned!!

Like I said this should be dropped now because it's drifted so far from the OP topic it's unreal!!!


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## Heavencanwait

05wilkesm said:


> some people like me would like to look forward to the end of their pregnancy not read posts and posts about how rubbish the rest of my life is going too be

If there are people with babies posting about how difficult and hard life as a young mum is, should we not be sitting up and taking notice of that? After all, they are the ones who know because they are living it....



SweetNothings said:


> im just pointing out like SO many other teen mums have so far that it IS indeed difficult so think first and get on the pill if you have ANY doubts....its FREE in the UK!!!! and most countries dont give it away for free!!!! people just dont get how lucky they are in this country, they really dont

Amen to that. People really don't get how lucky they are in this country - free contraception and free healthcare.




Resplendent said:


> You know, you're all going on about how you have to grow up when you have a child, and the majority of you who have posted on here do have a child.. yet there's all this pointless bickering and name-calling? Honestly girls I think you should take a step back and have a good look at how you're coming across. To me there is only a very select few who are actually coming across as mature so I would take a step down for your high horse. I'm not bickering, I'm pointing out an observation. Yes it may get people's backs up, but if you really think about it, I'm sure you will agree with me and this thread will take a turn for the better.
> 
> Sadly, this thread has good intentions but I doubt it would change the mind of a broody teenager.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Sadly, some of the young girls on here posting about how "mature" they consider themselves to be, have not handled themselves well once a different opinion was voiced. Hardly the way I would want to see somebody carry themselves during a dispute in real life, not to mention with an impressionable child at their side, looking up and learning that this is the way disagreements should be handled.


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## ~KACI~

okay come on ladies enough.

Sarah did this thread to show people its not as easy as some may think and hopefully make a few teens do a double take and think about what they are actually doing...hopefully it worked. 

Please don't make a nice thread go downhill:flower:


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## msp_teen

Umm..things are kinda crazy here, but I don't agree with the arguing over what this person or that person said. Just ignore the ignorant comments, let people talk. If you know you are a good mother or that you are going to be a good mother, don't pay any attention to stupid, irrelevant comments like the ones that have been made. We all know how much we are worth and we all know how much we are capable of in life, and if you don't try and show and teach yourself. Like I said in previous threads, as long as you have at least one person that believes in you, you will be fine. I believe in all teen mothers and I wish us all the most success that can be met. Just let all the negativity go, its not worth waisting your time on!


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## annawrigley

x Hayley x said:


> *This should really be dropped now*, nobody has slagged out teen mums, it's about girls younger than 18 who are trying to conceive, it's against BnB rules, so whether they still do it or not isn't the point, if they get caught they'll be banned!!
> 
> Like I said *this should be dropped now because it's drifted so far from the OP topic it's unreal!!!*

haha thank you !!!! my thoughts exactly


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## SweetNothings

I just wanted to apologize for any offense or grief I have caused anyone. I never meant to, I think I just feel very strongly about it because I want every girl to have the opportunities I had and I just want every teen to have the best life and experience they can have...and if that includes having a child then I think thats great and i wish you the best of luck and happiness.


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## annawrigley

bump! :D


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## lily123

Glad this has been bumped up :)
Fantastic thread Sarah some really good advice on here x x x x


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## sarah0108

Thank you :haha:

i kinda feel a bit silly getting pregnant again after writing it though :blush: BUT hey ho lol.

i need to rename the title i think but i dont know what to change it to! :D x


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## AnnabelsMummy

This is a lovely threadd :) and half of it i can relate to alreadyyy!! :( and i haven't even had my baby yet!! 

i don't see what's wrong with the title :shrug: it was good advice to me.. 

the difference this time though sarah, is you know what to expect, you know you can do it.. 
xxxx


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## lesleyann

its a good thread and would be good if it helped some people but i doubt it will :shrug: 

I dont agree with some of the stuff posted but agree with some of the others as a 16year old who was pregnant 17 by the time i gave birth and now 18.

Ive said before i dont agree with under 16's TTC at all never will :nope:

However is after 16 you have left school **which on in a couple of years you will have to be 18 to leave school in england** have a Oh you have been with for a while atlest one of you works ect and you dont still live at home i see no problem with it because by then you would no whats its liek with all the bills and doing everything and genrally no how to look after yourself...

However that is with no disrespect to people who do still live at home that do have babies :flower:

My views on what it is like having a child i will not post since it does not really go with what this thread is about :hugs:


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## jelliebabie

hey girls, im 29 so probs dont belong here lol, but just wanted to say that there are ,any girls out there who dont want to go out and get drunk at parties all the time! Or dont want a high flying career!
Years ago it was very normal to have babies at 15 or 16! and i personally believe that so long as you are living within the law, over 16, have a good oh and Financially and emotionally capable then good on you! Enjoy ur baby, it is a gift! And worth the sacrifices that need to be made! A baby isnt a consequence or a punishment. How many years u have been on this earth doesnt dictate how good a mother You will be. i wish all pregnant teens a healthy pregnancy and hope you all enjoy ur babies! No one has the right to judge you :hugs:


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## sarah0108

Its weird reading this back because my life is already so different to what it was when i wrote this!

Some things are easier, some are harder and id never regret having my babies but i still do wish id have been a bit more clued up, maybe been allowed a taster of how it is to have kids and then thought about having a baby.

Dont get me wrong there are SO MANY good points about being a mum and i do love it but sometimes i do get a bit down about having so many responsiblities, being in a house on my own, having ZILCH money and so on..


I know this wont change peoples minds if they are already made up, BUT its still here incase it does change at least one young persons mind about having kids so young :)


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## EmandBub

Sarah, you're amazing.
I don't know how you do it. x


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## maltese mummy

i just became a member today, mostly bcus i need to open up a lill bit and would like some good advice from teenage mums. i'm 19 and have a 2 month baby girl. it's been so hard for me coping with her crying .. i have a lot of help from my mum and also my bf (her dad) but still i find it really depressing like sometimes i m gonna literally break down and cry. it's just i miss my old life so badly... like one of you said :" you never know how free you are until they arrive" i never knew what having a child would be like until now. i was happy during my pregnany and couldn't wait for her to arrive but seriously everything had changed now and i wish everything is normal again. i mean i love her and wish all the best for her but i really wish things where different :'( its like i can't accept the fact that i'm a mother now and i have to give the best for her .. like i don't want to acept it.. i dnt know maybe bcus she's still 2months old and cryies wayyy too much and maybe things will get better. i need some advice please anyone whose's been in my shoes ??


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## angeleyez92

maltese mummy said:


> i just became a member today, mostly bcus i need to open up a lill bit and would like some good advice from teenage mums. i'm 19 and have a 2 month baby girl. it's been so hard for me coping with her crying .. i have a lot of help from my mum and also my bf (her dad) but still i find it really depressing like sometimes i m gonna literally break down and cry. it's just i miss my old life so badly... like one of you said :" you never know how free you are until they arrive" i never knew what having a child would be like until now. i was happy during my pregnany and couldn't wait for her to arrive but seriously everything had changed now and i wish everything is normal again. i mean i love her and wish all the best for her but i really wish things where different :'( its like i can't accept the fact that i'm a mother now and i have to give the best for her .. like i don't want to acept it.. i dnt know maybe bcus she's still 2months old and cryies wayyy too much and maybe things will get better. i need some advice please anyone whose's been in my shoes ??

Hey honey.in the teen parenting section there are many girls that could help you with advice :hugs: i wish you the best of luck


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## 17andconfused

Helped out alot. : )


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## jaydensmommy9

i just wanted to add that if this is your first baby im sure you know it will be hard i knew it with my ds i just didnt know it with be as hard as it was as much as i loved/still love my son i hated being a mom for the first couple months because i never thought it would be as hard as it was even with family help, seriously sleep when your baby sleeps i didnt but i cant sleep during the day so i had a reason, i broke down crying a lot because how tired i was and my baby was a little colicy so that made things worse


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