# My teenage sister is pregnant :(



## PrincessKay

This is just a rant...sorry!

So last night i found out (through facebook!!!) that my little sister is pregnant.

She has nothing to offer a child, no place to live, no money, no car. Nothing, apart from love.

Shes just 17, her boyfriend is a total waste of space and she cant understand why im not happy for her, she planned the baby too so that makes it even worse. No-one knows we are planning a baby (and have been for over a year) and i feel like if i were to get pregnant she would accuse me of stealing her thunder which is totally not true.

I know i sound selfish but she has her whole life ahead of her, as the oldest i just assumed i would start a family first, after all we have everything to offer a child, we are just having one last holiday before TTC. I always wanted to give my mum her first grandchild :cry:

Anyway i just had to get that out. Im sure in time i will be happy for her, its just a shock at the moment.

K x


----------



## bornthiswayxo

Oh hun, that sucks :( I hope both you and her end up okay xxx


----------



## nickibrum

Oh hun that royally sucks. I have that same urge to give my family their first grandchild- I think were half expecting my younger sister to get pregnant and like yours, has nothing to offer but love. 
I feel for you hun xx


----------



## PrincessKay

Its a horrible situation to be in because i do want to be happy for her but i just know her life from now is gonna be one big struggle, and thats not what i ever wanted for her.


----------



## nickibrum

I know. People do find a way to cope, but for my child i dont want to say no you cant do ballet lessons etc. its the primary reason we are waiting til next year to ttc. i will take a huge pay drop and i want to forward plan for that. 
i know you will eventually love the LO and support your sister, but resentment is a natural reaction if you have so much to offer but are still having to wait. 

My OH's best man recently got his gf pregnant. fair enough he thought he was sterile but they have been together since january and they got pregnant in april.. she works part time and he works for the family business. they dont have many outgoings at all, but i do wonder how they will cope, both financially and with the pressure. 
I have been with my OH for nearly 4 years and were financially stable and yet still cant afford a child, or rather me going on maternity pay. 
i was so jealous when i heard they were expecting- made me think why do i work so hard when other people just seem to do what they want and expect the goverenment to foot the bill- im talking about our friends not your sister!


----------



## mom2pne

I'm sorry!


----------



## mazndave

I can totally sympathise. Me and OH have been together for a very long tme and have finally decided the time is right to have a child, and I just have a feeling that his sister is either pregnant or is planning on it soon, and it makes me really jealous/annoyed. She already has 1 kid and isn't with FOB anymore, but her new fella wants them to have a baby after being together for about 5 minutes!! I'm probably being totally irrational but I get p**sed off with the idea of them having a baby before us!!

It must be harder for you as well with her only being 17 though, it probably never even crossed your mind that she'd be first. You will be happy for her when the dust has settled, just as I'm sure I'd eventually be happy for SIL if it turns out I'm right!


----------



## MrsRH

:hugs:
hope you are feeling ok
x


----------



## PrincessKay

Nope it never even crossed my mind, i just assumed that with me being oldest i would be first. Apparantley not... :shrug:


----------



## theapple9

-


----------



## proudmummy

Me and my sil found out we were pregnant on the same day. We phoned everyone and told them we were expecting and they kept quiet for a few weeks to give us our moment in the spotlight. Their baby was due a few days before mine and it turned into abit of a silent competition. 
MIL even told us BIL had said he hoped his lo was born first. As it happened I had my baby first and had a lovely 4 hour labour and she was almost 2 weeks late and was in labour for 30 + hours.


----------



## nickibrum

My sister makes everything into a competition- she never seems to be happy with what she has got. e.g. got a new job and its with a bank. decent basic but is she happy with that? oh no, she is like well with commission i could end up earning more than you... like i care!!! my job has sent me back to uni part time. the bank has its own training collage place.... again i dont care! just be happy for me for once. 

i would hate it if she did something like your in laws did- making pregancy a competition. karma sucks! 30+ hour labour lol. ouch!!!


----------



## Beccaboop

I know how you feel my brothers first child was born when he was 17 and I was nearly 20 and then when he was 18 he had another child and at the time I was with my husband but he had just started at uni so we didn't plan on having children for a long time but it was still a shock to be a aunty before I was a mum!

But it wasn't all bad I'm very close to my niece and nephew and love them like they are my own and have been able to give them a lot time and attention that I might not of been able to do if had had children too (well not as much) and also how they are 5 and 6 they are going to be great big cousins!!


----------



## BeeLT

That sucks! I'd wait a week or two (or four...) to let yourself calm down and then just talk to her and tell her that you've been WTT and that while you're happy for her you are concerned and want to help her be the best mom she can be. Share some of your favorite pregnancy/birth/parenting books with her, talk about breastfeeding, that type of stuff. Tell her that if you do conceive while she's pregnant, it has nothing to do with wanting to compete with her or her baby. Maybe you can be pregnant together and enjoy some of the fun things together (without the crazy competition like proudmummy mentioned- how horrible! that would kill me!).

Best wishes,
Bee


----------



## holly2234

Thats crappy. Hope you feel better soon.

Dont think that her situation is going to shape her childs life. When you feel better, be sure to support her :flower:


----------



## PrincessKay

Thanks girls, i do feel ready to support her and im with her 100% as long as shes happy, which she says she is.

I just know her life is gonna be a constant struggle, especially with her dickhead boyfriend around :shrug:


----------



## sassykay

Princess Kay, I completely sympathise and hope that you are not getting too distressed over this, although I'm sure that that's a vain hope.

Two things to say: One, no matter how many people give you lovely words of advice and support at this time, you will feel the way you feel about it, and although there will be times when you feel (or others feel) you need to put a brave face on it, don't be afraid to privately (or with those you trust) feel your true feelings. It's healthier.

Two, it will be okay. The world is a mixed up place, and sometimes things go in to the washer in a jumble of colours and you think it will all run and be runed, but just somehow it makes a new coloured top you didn't know you wanted. You never asked for that top, it's not your style, but you wear it well anyway.

This exact thing happened to me. I've been WTT for years and years, broody to the point of obsession, and terrified to tell family and some friends due to being in a same sex rship and the feelings people had about that. Suddenly younger sis, who was single, bed hopping, flitting from men to women, jobless, ambitionless, selfish, reliant on mum and dad, hypochondriac, depressed, suicidal, etc etc - gets pregnant. She was 21, not a teen but totally unable to look after herself. She was under the care of a mental health team at the time, and the week before we found out, she took an overdose. It was messy. She also admitted later that she planned it, told some guy she was infertile, he stupidly believed her, the rest is history.

Skip forward two years, a lot of tearful conversations with family who don't think I've any right to feel weird about it, and more pain than I knew I could bear, and I've got a beautiful nephew. I dont see a lot of him, but what I do see is how much she exhausts my poor parents, how little she really does for herself and what kind of future she's got with no foundations laid before she became a parent. She's constantly frustrated, can't maintain a relationship, blames the world for everything and is generally not happy.

I, on the other hand, will, when I TTC, have a partner, a job, a house, some modest savings, my education, and the feeling that although you're never completely *ready* and despite my best efforts to *do it right* my family still prefer her way (because of the same sex angle), I've done the absolute best I can to prepare to give any child I'm likely to have the very best I can.

Your sister and mine can't say the same, and when your child or mine comes along, those that matter (and us ourselves) will know that maturity and sense and patience are better qualities to pass on to our kids than whoops i guess i'm pregnant, everybody look at me.

You don't have to be happy for her, you just have to be a great aunt. That's what you've got to give, and while she gets to be a mum first, you get to be an aunt first, and that's pretty cool too.

I hope this looooooong ramble by way of response hasn't sent you to sleep - this is a subject close to my heart and I just had to let you know that I get it. Truly, completely get it.

Stay happy.

S xxx


----------



## Beccaaa

Sorry to hear this, keep your chin up and try and sum up the positive things :)! xx


----------



## sassykay

PS - I'm not by the way suggesting that houses jobs savings and partners are the only things babies need, I know good parenting comes in all shapes and sizes! only that we all need to create readiness in our own lives, whatever that looks like - those are just my things :)


----------



## theapple9

-


----------



## PrincessKay

sassykay said:


> Princess Kay, I completely sympathise and hope that you are not getting too distressed over this, although I'm sure that that's a vain hope.
> 
> Two things to say: One, no matter how many people give you lovely words of advice and support at this time, you will feel the way you feel about it, and although there will be times when you feel (or others feel) you need to put a brave face on it, don't be afraid to privately (or with those you trust) feel your true feelings. It's healthier.
> 
> Two, it will be okay. The world is a mixed up place, and sometimes things go in to the washer in a jumble of colours and you think it will all run and be runed, but just somehow it makes a new coloured top you didn't know you wanted. You never asked for that top, it's not your style, but you wear it well anyway.
> 
> This exact thing happened to me. I've been WTT for years and years, broody to the point of obsession, and terrified to tell family and some friends due to being in a same sex rship and the feelings people had about that. Suddenly younger sis, who was single, bed hopping, flitting from men to women, jobless, ambitionless, selfish, reliant on mum and dad, hypochondriac, depressed, suicidal, etc etc - gets pregnant. She was 21, not a teen but totally unable to look after herself. She was under the care of a mental health team at the time, and the week before we found out, she took an overdose. It was messy. She also admitted later that she planned it, told some guy she was infertile, he stupidly believed her, the rest is history.
> 
> Skip forward two years, a lot of tearful conversations with family who don't think I've any right to feel weird about it, and more pain than I knew I could bear, and I've got a beautiful nephew. I dont see a lot of him, but what I do see is how much she exhausts my poor parents, how little she really does for herself and what kind of future she's got with no foundations laid before she became a parent. She's constantly frustrated, can't maintain a relationship, blames the world for everything and is generally not happy.
> 
> I, on the other hand, will, when I TTC, have a partner, a job, a house, some modest savings, my education, and the feeling that although you're never completely *ready* and despite my best efforts to *do it right* my family still prefer her way (because of the same sex angle), I've done the absolute best I can to prepare to give any child I'm likely to have the very best I can.
> 
> Your sister and mine can't say the same, and when your child or mine comes along, those that matter (and us ourselves) will know that maturity and sense and patience are better qualities to pass on to our kids than whoops i guess i'm pregnant, everybody look at me.
> 
> You don't have to be happy for her, you just have to be a great aunt. That's what you've got to give, and while she gets to be a mum first, you get to be an aunt first, and that's pretty cool too.
> 
> I hope this looooooong ramble by way of response hasn't sent you to sleep - this is a subject close to my heart and I just had to let you know that I get it. Truly, completely get it.
> 
> Stay happy.
> 
> S xxx


Thanks for taking the time to write that, i now understand that sometimes these things just happen. Family and everyone have been really supportive and really thats all we can be, im even a teeny bit excited to be an aunt :blush:


----------



## kittylady

My sister had twin boys, she always said she never wanted kids and she was always going out partying, she smoked through her pregnancy and now she struggles because she didn't have a stable job and lost it before they were born. Yes I was jealous when she got pregnant, I was doing my A-levels and was nowhere near ttc. 

I love them now, they're so special to me and me and the hubby love seeing our nephews. I'm now ready to ttc and to be honest we got a lot of practice which will make it a lot easier when we do have kids (I know it'll be a lot harder when it's our own but still helps )

I hope you feel better soon, :hugs:


----------



## bornthiswayxo

Totally agree with kittylady, it can give you some preperation for it - not much but some :)


----------



## EmmaRea

LOL, I know exactly how you feel. I had a miscarriage not all that long ago, and my BIL recently started dating this girl who has a kid already with some druggie... at DH's bday party at the beginning of this month, the new girlfriend and my MIL talked about babies the whole time. It was very hard to keep my game face on. When BIL's bday rolled around last weekend, DH and I elected not to attend, for fear I would clock that girl right there in front of God and everybody. And that's just not an example to set for the kiddies, iykwim!! :winkwink: I still haven't adjusted to this, and I don't think I have to (I am secretly hoping she dumps BIL, because he is a good for nothing, mooching POS anyway. :haha:) DH and I are just cooling our heels until either she wisens up or we have conceived our own baby. Hopefully then we will feel better about things. My advice to you would be to take all the time you need. There is no shame in feeling the way you do. You are a sensible adult and know yourself and your situation. She will always be your sister, and she loves you. Us big sisters have a special role in life, and she needs your guidance. Keep a level mind, and know you and your baby will be special to your parents in your own rights. Whoever is born first, in the grand scheme of things, really doesn't matter to your parents. :thumbup: :flower: :hug:


----------



## sassykay

theapple9 said:


> sassykay, thank you for sharing such a personal experience :flower:

Thankyou theapple9, I think that's what these boards are so brilliant for - allowing us to feel that we're not alone in our feelings, when so often in our immediate circles we can feel that we are, despite the love and goodness we may have around us. 

Patience to us all, our day(s) will come xxxx:flower:


----------



## Lydiarose

i cant believe some of the comments in here . . . :nope:


----------



## PrincessKay

Lydiarose said:


> i cant believe some of the comments in here . . . :nope:

Aww hun what do you mean? I hope you arent offended, that is not what i meant to do at all :flower: x


----------



## x Zaly x

Just wanted to share a personal experience with you. I was 17 when I got pregnant, and the first person I told was my big sister who was about 5 months pregnant at the time. I felt bad for her because I didn't want her to feel as though I was stealing her spotlight but she's always been someone that I can really count on to get me through difficult times. We are 12 years apart so she's kinda been like a second mum to me. Anyway..she came with me to tell my parents which was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I'm so glad that she was there supporting me through it. We are even closer now that we both have toddlers around the same age and we are experiencing being first time mums together. Its been lots of fun and the kids get on so well. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that you shouldn't be to hard on your sister. I know she probably seems fine but if she is anything like how I was she will be really scared and wanting your support now more than ever. I hope things work out well for you all :) xx


----------



## sarah1989

:hugs: I hope you're okay.


----------



## Aurora CHK

I had a similar experience, I am the oldest and have always been desperate to be a mum, whereas my little sis has always said she wasn't bothered.

A couple of years ago OH and I had decided to get engaged in a year (he wanted to save for a ring first) and then have a baby; next thing I know, my little sister is pregnant, then her and her fella decided to get married before the baby came, and so my engagement, when we announced it around the time of her wedding, became like I was stealing HER thunder. Then, and I am ashamed to say it but I really couldn't help it, when her baby was born I had a nervous breakdown, for some reason I felt like I had lost part of my identity with her having the first grandchild and everything. Then because I had become so depressed, my family all started encouraging me to wait before I got PG, which I agreed. I adore my niece, btw, don't regret her being born it just was a really emotional time for me, I clearly had other issues too at the time! 

Now I am WTT but just had an accident this month so I am in 2ww and really excited, and I just found out this week my sister was TTC and PG too but just MC'd, which I feel so sad for her about, but I am now feeling that if I get a BFP this month it won't be 'happy news' for my family given what my sis is going through. 

Sorry for the rant and I hope I don't come across as an evil cow there, I know rationally that when I have my baby it won't matter about anybody else's and it will be better that I am well settled with my DH etc, but I don't want anybody thinking 'how thoughtless of you to have a baby when your sister just miscarried' when I didn't know she was trying and I was engaged and wanting babies first and she's already got one!


----------



## PrincessKay

Aurora CHK said:


> I had a similar experience, I am the oldest and have always been desperate to be a mum, whereas my little sis has always said she wasn't bothered.
> 
> A couple of years ago OH and I had decided to get engaged in a year (he wanted to save for a ring first) and then have a baby; next thing I know, my little sister is pregnant, then her and her fella decided to get married before the baby came, and so my engagement, when we announced it around the time of her wedding, became like I was stealing HER thunder. Then, and I am ashamed to say it but I really couldn't help it, when her baby was born I had a nervous breakdown, for some reason I felt like I had lost part of my identity with her having the first grandchild and everything. Then because I had become so depressed, my family all started encouraging me to wait before I got PG, which I agreed. I adore my niece, btw, don't regret her being born it just was a really emotional time for me, I clearly had other issues too at the time!
> 
> Now I am WTT but just had an accident this month so I am in 2ww and really excited, and I just found out this week my sister was TTC and PG too but just MC'd, which I feel so sad for her about, but I am now feeling that if I get a BFP this month it won't be 'happy news' for my family given what my sis is going through.
> 
> Sorry for the rant and I hope I don't come across as an evil cow there, I know rationally that when I have my baby it won't matter about anybody else's and it will be better that I am well settled with my DH etc, but I don't want anybody thinking 'how thoughtless of you to have a baby when your sister just miscarried' when I didn't know she was trying and I was engaged and wanting babies first and she's already got one!

Nope i dont think your selfish at all hun i know exactly where your coming from, i hope it all works out in the end. Big hugs x


----------



## jennatonic13

I feel your pain. On my most recent trip to see my dad's family. My step brother (19)informed me that his girlfriend (18) was pregnant... and appologised for "beating me to it".... I ACTED like I wasnt surpised! :)


----------



## tbbyp

OMG, I can totally relate to your story, and I feel so bad for you! This is my last period before TTC, I've waited a year since baby-on-the-brain set in, been with DH since high school, we both went to college, been married 2.5 years, 25, and have house/stable job. And today of all days when AF shows up and I'm so anxious for the upcoming month I get a call that my 16 yr. old brother's girlfriend (20) is pregnant, and like that isn't enough of a kick in the pants....It's twins. I love him so much and I'm so disappointed by the situation, but it's so hard for me to decipher if my feelings are all rational or if I'm being crazy b/c I was looking forward to having one of my own (and not to mention the first one). DH has older siblings who have kids, but I thought at least on my side of the family we will have the joy of being the first grandkid and my family has been anxious and asking when we are going to have one so I knew they would all be so happy for me, but now I'm not so sure. Don't know what to think, don't want to put off TTC because we've waited so long, my family is really upset (no one likes the girl) and I don't want my happy pregnancy overshadowed by it. Can you imagine, when I announce we are preggers the response will be (instead of oh joy our first grandkids/great grandkids) oh you and your brother will have kids the same age. YUCK, I feel for you! Best of luck!


----------



## OliviaRae

This is SO annoying!! I'm so sorry :(


----------



## sleepinbeauty

I can understand the pure jealousy of your situation. If my sister got pregnant before I did I would be very upset. Not jsut for myself, but because her boyfriend is a low-life FLEA-carrying (no, really. He infested my mom's house and has since been banned), controlling douche. MY heart would break for her.

I would also be upset for myself though...

I'm sure that she will be fine though. Age is a number. It's going to be hard but what mother ever actually has an easy time of parenting? Every situation is unique and has its share of problems.


----------



## we can't wait

sleepinbeauty said:


> I'm sure that she will be fine though. Age is a number. It's going to be hard but what mother ever actually has an easy time of parenting? Every situation is unique and has its share of problems.

^WSS.

I hope that you can (eventually) be happy for your sister. It will take time... but your time will come, too.


----------



## calm

Looking at this thread, you and your sister are both pregnant together! Congrats!


----------



## we can't wait

calm said:


> Looking at this thread, you and your sister are both pregnant together! Congrats!

I've just seen that, as well!
Congrats!! :happydance:


----------



## Dream.dream

i can say ive been on the other side of this sort of. i have an older sister and she still resents me for having my first young and i think most of it is because she thinks i stole something from her. :( it was really hard for me that she was so mad and im sad i didnt get to share my pregnancy with her and be happy.


----------



## EmilyCJ

kittylady said:


> My sister had twin boys, she always said she never wanted kids and she was always going out partying, she smoked through her pregnancy and now she struggles :

i've been through similar with my young cousin, cant imagine how much worse it'd be if it was my sister. she still lives at home though so her parents pretty much do everything. she never wanted kids, has no interest in them and has no way to support them (the boy did a runner). its irresponsible and frustrates me because for example me and hubby have been together since 15, dtd for 6 years and yet somehow have managed to not get pregnant...its called contraception :haha:! if you dont want kids then use it!! i know accidents happen, but my mum used to tell me thats what happens if you play with willys without protection...

by the way i just want to make it clear that i'm not saying all young mum's are like this, i dont want to upset or offend anybody. its just my personal experience in this particular case, and working in the job i do see a lot of young mums, some of whom do fine and others really dont...its down to the person. we have a few friends who got pregnant at 15 but i have to say did a fantastic job despite how difficult it was managed to make it work.


----------



## Sam 121

nickibrum said:


> My sister makes everything into a competition- she never seems to be happy with what she has got. e.g. got a new job and its with a bank. decent basic but is she happy with that? oh no, she is like well with commission i could end up earning more than you... like i care!!! my job has sent me back to uni part time. the bank has its own training collage place.... again i dont care! just be happy for me for once.
> 
> i would hate it if she did something like your in laws did- making pregancy a competition. karma sucks! 30+ hour labour lol. ouch!!!

This reminds me of my sister in law- never happy with what she has got!! She has been desperate to get pregnant for years,now she is, all she does is moan,moan, moan and be negative about it all!
It sounds like your sister is trying to make you jealous but it is her issue not yours-I had a friend exactly like that.They are obviously insecure and unhappy to try and bring another person down.x


----------



## Sam 121

Aurora CHK said:


> I had a similar experience, I am the oldest and have always been desperate to be a mum, whereas my little sis has always said she wasn't bothered.
> 
> A couple of years ago OH and I had decided to get engaged in a year (he wanted to save for a ring first) and then have a baby; next thing I know, my little sister is pregnant, then her and her fella decided to get married before the baby came, and so my engagement, when we announced it around the time of her wedding, became like I was stealing HER thunder. Then, and I am ashamed to say it but I really couldn't help it, when her baby was born I had a nervous breakdown, for some reason I felt like I had lost part of my identity with her having the first grandchild and everything. Then because I had become so depressed, my family all started encouraging me to wait before I got PG, which I agreed. I adore my niece, btw, don't regret her being born it just was a really emotional time for me, I clearly had other issues too at the time!
> 
> Now I am WTT but just had an accident this month so I am in 2ww and really excited, and I just found out this week my sister was TTC and PG too but just MC'd, which I feel so sad for her about, but I am now feeling that if I get a BFP this month it won't be 'happy news' for my family given what my sis is going through.
> 
> Sorry for the rant and I hope I don't come across as an evil cow there, I know rationally that when I have my baby it won't matter about anybody else's and it will be better that I am well settled with my DH etc, but I don't want anybody thinking 'how thoughtless of you to have a baby when your sister just miscarried' when I didn't know she was trying and I was engaged and wanting babies first and she's already got one!

Hi-can totally understand where your coming from. I have been with my OH for nearly 7 years and in a very stable relationship. My sister in law just met someone about a year ago and she is now pregnant.She was always desperate to get pregnant first and would not have been happy if I got pregnant first. I was suffering with depression and going through a very difficult time before she announced,and when she did I felt 10 times worse as it brought all my insecurities up about my future. I thought-would people wonder why we have not yet had a child? (my OH wants a baby but I wanted to sort myself out first emotionally) I then started to feel guilty for making him wait and my self esteem was very low. My sister in law has her own issues and insecurities and trys to rub many things in my face, and that has been hard but I wont let it knock me - its her problem,not mine.
I am now in a much better place,and can now say f**k it,I dont care what people think. I have a wonderful stable relationship, and feel at peace within myself - thats something she does not have x I am really happy for you,you deserve happyness after all you have been through,dont worry about what others think hun,this time is especially for you - think of you now xx


----------

