# Don't want anyone at the hospital after baby is born....



## sunshine20

I'm due in June so I have a long way to go but I'm just wondering what peoples opinions of this are. I don't want anyone visiting me and baby in the hospital or even at home for the first few days/weeks. I want DH at the birth obviously, and my mom and dad. DH has a large family and I don't want anyone from his family coming to see us. Our house is on the same property as his dad and step mom so obviously they'll see the baby when baby comes home. I don't want hoards of people visiting me after I've just been in labor and I don't want the. Touching MY baby. I'm even at the point that I want as little doctor midwife interaction as possible and for DH to "catch" the baby... I feel like this is a point in our lives and relationship where we need to have our time with OUR child before we start introducing all these strange people to him or her. Am I crazy?


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## heavyheart

I think its very natural to have all those feelings of protection for your baby and the not wanting everyone else holding (taking the baby away out your arms) after all you have waited all this time for your rainbow so you want all those first precious times and moments with just you and your other half. All i can say is dont put too much of a pressure on your self of having an exact plan, you may feel different nearer the time in the fact of being so proud of your bundle of joy and feeling you want to share them with your nearest and dearest.

You can always have "rules" in place like example not too many people visiting at once and not for too long and if baby is sleeping no one gets to hold them even though they really want to or even if its just you dont want anyone to hold them at first thats ok. Dont worry you will find your way and what is right for you :hugs:


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## izzlesnizzle

We have been guilty of wanting to go round and see our friends babies within the first couple of weeks and now i realise how annoying that must be for them coz its not just us but all and sundry want to go too. I wouldnt want anyone other than really immediate family at the hospital and minimal visitors when we get home as i can imagine we will be really tired and not up for entertaining and making people tea etc. 

Having said that, my sister didnt have anyone come to the hospital to visit her when she had her son as we were all ill with colds and flu and she was very upset to not have any visitors and still brings it up 5 yrs later that no one visited her!


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## misshopefull

I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital when I had ds. This was because my family live 5 hours away so they couldn't come so I didn't want the OH family coming if mine couldn't. I was so happy after ds was born that I didn't care who came to visit and all of my OH immediate family came to the hospital! It was fine because visiting times were very limited.

I wish I had put my foot down over visiting at home as my MIL came the day after I got out of hospital [after an emerency C section] and was still there at 10pm! That will not be happening this time!

At the end of the day its your baby but your family and friends will be excited to meet your child as well. Maybe you could allow some very short visits, like 30 minute slots?


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## aimee-lou

To quote my midwife - 'Use your husband like a rottweiler!' - we didn't have anyone to visit (at the hospital or the house) until Earl was 6 days old, and to be honest, that felt like it was too soon. I have to confess to a few issues with family so that may have something to do with it. 

My advice, lay down a rule, and let them know that when you're ready, you will invite them. Don't leave it too long (as you'll never want them over lol) and tell them they can't stay too long i.e. no dinner or full afternoons, just a cuppa and a digestive lol). You're mummy, and if you feel like it's too much, go for a bit of quiet time. 

We'll be doing the same again, and probably waiting 1 week this time, as with the 2 we'll need time to adjust (and to tidy up probably lol).


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## threemakefive

I made everyone use sanitizer before touching my first child, and told anyone who was sick within the week to stay away lol Good luck and I'm sure all will understand maybe you could just tell them that you want to get acquired with baby and one week after birth you could have a "welcome to the world" party for all to meet him :)


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## beanzz

I think it's completely up to you. :thumbup: im going to ask all my friends and family to leave me alone just for the first hour or so, so that i'll be able to have a wash and have me, OH and baby time just us 3 but if i feel like i need longer when the time comes i wont be afraid to tell people :)


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## HollieQ

sunshine20 said:


> I'm due in June so I have a long way to go but I'm just wondering what peoples opinions of this are. I don't want anyone visiting me and baby in the hospital or even at home for the first few days/weeks. I want DH at the birth obviously, and my mom and dad. DH has a large family and I don't want anyone from his family coming to see us. Our house is on the same property as his dad and step mom so obviously they'll see the baby when baby comes home. I don't want hoards of people visiting me after I've just been in labor and I don't want the. Touching MY baby. I'm even at the point that I want as little doctor midwife interaction as possible and for DH to "catch" the baby... I feel like this is a point in our lives and relationship where we need to have our time with OUR child before we start introducing all these strange people to him or her. Am I crazy?

Nope you're not crazy :flower:

Tell them all now, i said no visitors at hospital, no visitors at home for a week, no overnight visitors (our family live 2+ hours away) no visitors before midday - and hopefully they'll all leave before it's dark, and finally noone is allowed to bring their dog as ours need to be settled in with baby 1st lol!

Do it sooner rather than later else it will start to stress you out.

They all listened and after some initial whining accepted it :haha:

My hubby has 2 weeks off thats it! So NO WAY is that time being spent with other people holding baby when we should be bonding. I'm also hoping to breastfeed so will be dissappearing upstaires to as and when, and maybe a little bit more if i feel i need to get away :winkwink:


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## Torontogal

No, not nuts at all! Especially if there's a big family, you have to set limits somewhere.


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## Charlie_x

i had wrote a long easy out of my own experiance but it turned into babble so to cut a long story short not crazy at all i felt the same i felt it even stronger when it was DS1 and it hasnt changed this round time and this is my 4th pregnancy (1 mc) and i plan to not have anyone see me in hospitasl my mother has been told over and over and dont want her at the hospital and i would go even as far to let the midwifes know i dont want any vistors other than DH - My dad will most likely stay away untill i ask him to bring me home thats if i'm at the hospital xx


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## mamawannabee

I want the exact same things, even looked into an unassisted birth so OH could catch the baby. I want as few people visiting as possible in the first few weeks and just OH at the birth center. My sister and best friend want to be at birth center when LO is born, but we are not going to call them until later, I don't want anyone there. I might let OH's parents come right after, but am still thinking it over. You can decide whatever you want!


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## Housewife83

You should look at your hospitals policies on visitors. Mine has strict visitor number limits. It's good leverage for you to restrict the number of visitors.


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## littlecupcake

We have basically said that we will not be having any visitors at the hospital..unless i will be in longer than normal (hospital tends to discharge after about 8 hours with all being well). I have also said we would like 2 or 3 days at home with no visitors to settle and bond however I realise I may want to show my LO off so have said I will invite people over if we feel ready before that for a little cuddle and that if people turn up unannounced/uninvited..i will disappear upstairs with the bambino...might sound harsh but I have a very large family and if i don't set rules, they will just take the pee :) 

Thankfully my OH fully supports me with this and I think he is looking forward to the family time with our new little unit :) we can always change our minds when the time comes


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## Victoriaaa

Im locking the door and if you havent been invited round your not coming in.. simples!


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## Erised

I didn't want anyone visiting while in the hospital, and told everyone as soon as I told them I was pregnant. With DD we were staying with my parents when I went into labour, so obviously I didn't have a choice but to let family see her right away. 

With this pregnancy we have our own place, but I've already told DH I want time for ourselves first. If I have a hospital birth, no-one will be allowed to come visit again. If I have a home birth I'll call MIL to let her know when I'm up to her visiting, as she'll have DD. I want DD to see the baby before anyone else of the family though. 

My parents will, I assume, be flying over from Holland once I've given birth. Not sure if they'll already be here when I give birth or if they'll arrive after. Obviously I can't keep them away for days, and I wouldn't want to. I want at least a few hours with just DH, DD and the new baby though. I'm sure everyone will understand.

I do agree with those who have said to set the rules as early as possible. I like the sound of '30 minutes visiting'


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## InHisHands

Maybe my pregnancy hormones havent kicked in yet (9 weeks), or its just my situation. But honestly, i would love to have as many visitors and family around as possible. I want to celebrate this time with my loved ones.

My hubby will be deploying, so he won't be here. This is my first baby, and a little scare to be left alone with a newborn. I welcome all and welcome advice (though i may not take it). There will be plenty of time after the mad 2 weeks (or so) rush for it to be just baby and me.. as im going to quit my job and be a stay at home mom.


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## babycakes16

My mum will be in the room when baby is born and OH's parents will be in the waitin room so obviously they will all see the baby at the hospital. 

When I get home I would love to be able to spend time alone with just me, OH and baby but I'm not going to have a chance to do that at all because I live at home with my mum and OH lives with his parents, so wherever we are there will be family too. I've only just realised this after reading this thread actually which has kind of bothered me :(

Family and very close friends can come after a few days if they like. Evryone else can wait


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## Sunshine12

I think its personal choice but you are definately not crazy! 

I definately wouldnt want parents at the birth (mine or his) as despite being very close to both sets the idea of it creeps me out but I would definately want my parents and my sister to visit in the hospital as soon as the baby is here. Dont really care how many people handle the baby TBH particularly as it gets older. I dont want my baby being clingy with me or crying its eyes out when other people hold him/her. x


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## pink23

I dont really want family going made at hospital this time. Last time there was always some one with oh and I never got proper time to see him or time as a family. I think this time we will just have my parents maybe the day after and then people around when im home and settled. It will be different this time as oh will be looking after my lo but when he can see me i dont want family taking over and then moaning afterwards that we used them to get us out of hospital xx


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## NuKe

I didn't/don't want anyone at the birth other than my husband. It's our moment with our new baby! After that though, I wanted/want to show them off to everyone and everyone!


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## overcomer79

InHisHands said:


> Maybe my pregnancy hormones havent kicked in yet (9 weeks), or its just my situation. But honestly, i would love to have as many visitors and family around as possible. I want to celebrate this time with my loved ones.
> 
> My hubby will be deploying, so he won't be here. This is my first baby, and a little scare to be left alone with a newborn. I welcome all and welcome advice (though i may not take it). There will be plenty of time after the mad 2 weeks (or so) rush for it to be just baby and me.. as im going to quit my job and be a stay at home mom.

Our hospital stay is a min of 2 nights. It gets lonely. I had people visiting but wasn't over crowded. I was happy to see a visitor as I had no other option. I couldn't sleep lol. Although my aunt and cousin told my mom they wanted to be in LDR...and I was like HELL NO!


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## SummerLily

i was talking to DH about this recently and i have said that i dont really want other people at the hospital ! This is my first pregnancy and being multiples means i dont have a choice about birthing options and will be having them via c section at 34 weeks although they have told me that i probably wont be able to hold them there and then and im worried about them going into intensive care unit and me being taken to recovery for a while . I just dont want other people coming in to see them with me on the first proper occasion that i get to see them if that makes sence? either that or i dont want hauds of them outside the door eagerly waiting to get in to see them because then id feel guilty for leaving them outside ! lol. x


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## EMC0528

I felt the same way. I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital. There are strict rules that only allow immediate family to visit which helped.

DH's mom wanted to be there for the delivery, I told her no way. athen we told them we didn't want many visitors until we got home. I was really pissed off when they showed up before I even got stitched up. It wasn't even visiting hours, but they talked to the nurse at the desk and told them they were from out of town and managed to get the nurse to let his mom and sister into the recovery room before I even got there! I was SO ANGRY.

I ended up staying 4 days in the hospital because they wanted to watch my son, as it was a rough delivery. So in the end I didn't mind a few visitors that came and stayed only for a few minutes. 

I told DH that this time we won't even tell anyone I've gone to the hospital until the baby is delivered.

People are so excited, but they do have a hard time remembering it's a very special and intimate time for mom and dad and baby.


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## Arisa

Same here. Dont want anyone except my DH with me before and after delivery. Id like my parents to come in once baby is feeding and had all his/her tests done but aside from that, family and friends can stay away


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## mnjhowell

Im all honesty if your mom and dad can come it should be fair that his parents be allowed also. It is his baby also and should have the same rights as your parents.


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## Amethyste

I can understand that to an extend. Personally i don't want anybody waiting at the hospital in the waiting room and i don't even want to tell other people when i go into labour. I just can imagine giving birth and having everybody jumping on you as soon as the baby is born. Now, once i gave birth and had time to sleep, i wouldn't mind people (close family only) to come up to see me the next day for a couple of hours. It is gonna be only his family cos mine live in france so they will come later. I don't think it is really fair to hide the baby from close family for a couple of weeks as they have been waiting as much. Beside i think i will be happy to show off my LO ! lol


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## Amethyste

EMC0528 said:


> I told DH that this time we won't even tell anyone I've gone to the hospital until the baby is delivered.
> 
> People are so excited, but they do have a hard time remembering it's a very special and intimate time for mom and dad and baby.

I would be so angry if the nurse did that to me. Anyway, i completely agree with you but i am worrying about convincing my OH not to texts his family !!


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## ems

I want my Mum and OH at the birth. Afterwards I would like my other 2 children to be the first to see baby. Depending on how long Im in hospital for will determin the rest. If I can go home then parents and brothers and sisters will be welcome to visit but I dont want anyone else around at first.

Im planning, instead of a baby shower to have a 'welcome to the world' get together for when I feel a bit more human. I will let family and friends know the date and we will have an open house for a day, Ill provide some food and drinks and people can come and go between certain hours to meet baby. That way its only one day and its all over and done with. One of my pet hates is baby being passed around from person to person, Im not sure how Im going to cope with that lol


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## karlilay

Havent read the whole threat hun, but when Madi was born i honestly didnt feel like i had bonded with her at all. It was all a haze of visitors and tea making. 
When Zach was born i sent out the 'Hes born' message, and ended it, like visitors are welcome after Saturday, so us and Madi can settle in. And i also wrote that people were to ring or text if they wanted to come up.


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## EmzLouise

Yep, I feel the same. Deffo making people use hand sanatizer before they touch my bubz! And I'm living with my family so obvi they'll be there and I don't mind his mum dad and sister, they never interferre but anyone else can wait until I'm ready, I would want the baby to be at least a month before I want friends to visit. I dont think its rude, it's your baby at the end of the day. I know for a fact my family will have a problem with the sanatizer because I use it alot now, apparently I'm a clean freak who will eventually turn into a recluse because of it which is hurtful enough!


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## truly_blessed

My parents have passed away and my brother lives 3 or 4 hours away so none of my family will be there but I know MIl has already booked a week off from work around baby's due date, why I have no idea. I don't want all his family around until we have settled in but I know they will probably be on the phone before we walk through the door. I'm not sure about the hospital, I might let some of them visit for half an hour depending on how long we are in then they can stay away for 2 or 3 days when we get home. We have a dog to so he has to get used to her being around without all the excitement of visitors.

I do however think it should be the same rules for both sets of grand parents and not just those on the maternal side getting to see the baby without the paternal side getting a look in until much later.


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## mumeee

With my son, I withheld judgement until after I'd given birth, I wanted to see how I felt, how baby was and what time he'd been born and whether I planned to stay in at all. In the end I decided to stay in 24 hours.

He was born just before 10am and visiting hours weren't until 2pm so it worked quite nicely. My parents came alone at 3pm, just for an hour. By that time I'd had 5 hours just me, OH and bubs, time for a shower and a cuppa.

Next visiting was at 6pm. OH mum, sister and my sister came, again only for an hour, around 7pm. OH went home with them at 8.

For me, this was just enough, very close family and spaced out nicely. Had bubs been born later in the day, I'd have requested no visitors to give us time to rest and bond


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## PhotoLC

I'm caught in an awkward situation. I live across the country from my mom. I want her at the birth because honestly, I'll prob be a big fat baby and want my mommy. The problem us that I think she's planning to stay for at least a month. I'd like some time with just dh and baby. I guess I better start saving to keep her at the b&b across the street or I'm going to go crazy.


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## dragonflies

I feel the same - DH and parents MAX, noone else!! put it on my birthplan too - so hoping midwife will enforce it.


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## AP

With our first only DH was there. Everything happened to quick, and tbh we were just in shock. Then everyone came in. Aunts,grans,mums...My only saving grace was that LO was in NICU so no-one could see her let alone touch her. 

LO lived there for 11 weeks. 11 weeks of in laws bouncing in uninvited, demanding to see her....even inviting their friends to neonatal (DH stopped that)

banned everyone with my second, who was thankfully term. Again MIL ignored my wishes to bond as a family (seeing as we never took our first home immediately) but she turned up at day 3. I will never ever forgive this.

There WILL be people who will forget your wishes over their own longing to see the baby. Be prepared!


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## Sovereign

I didn't allow anyone other than close family visit for the first couple of weeks. Sure, they didn't like it but tough! I'm glad I stuck to my guns x


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## future_numan

After My last delivery it was stressful. 
I delivered at 6:30am after being up close to 12 hrs and not eatting since 3pm the day before.
There was ppl in my hospital room within a hour of birth and that kept up till 7pm that night.
DH spent the night in hospital with me and slept like a baby while of course I was up with baby and the fact I couldn't sleep because I was over tired.

We went home the next morning and within 10 mins of getting home the in-laws showed up ( they stayed over night) and I felt the need to entertain them... 
They finally left around noon the next day and I was so overwelmed I cried.. on top of that DH had to leave for a two week business trip the very next morning..
I don't want to go through that again.

This time we have planned a home birth and we will make it clear to everyone that there will be no vistors for at least a few days..


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## Louise88

Ive just spoke to my bf about this I was saying that i dont want any visitors at all in hospital I can imagine wanting to be with my baby for the first precious moments of its life i dont want to be passing it around like a parcel with everyone and having to talk and stuff i just want to cherish the first hours of my babies life just me, baby and bf :cloud9:


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## Sew_Sweet

I think it really depends on the relationships you all have with your respective families. This would NEVER go over with mine or my husband's. Not that I'd want it to. I do want a little private time with baby, husband and our daughter (he will go fetch her from grandma after baby is born) - I want her to see and hold her baby brother before other relatives do so she can feel special about it. But after a few hours of that we'll give the all clear call for visitors. I don't expect them to stay more than an hour in the hospital because well - it's a hospital. It's small and uncomfortable with few places to sit so the stay will be short lol. Better that than have them visit me at home where they can hang out for hours when all I want to do is have a nap!

The only exception to that rule would be if I have some sort of emergency c-section and I am literally knocked out to the point where I cannot even entertain anyone. In that case I'd rather not have any visitors at the hospital - but hopefully nothing like that would happen. But I sure don't want everyone holding my baby before I do! This happened to one of my friends and she was really upset about it. 

But you have to keep in mind that this baby is part of your family - that includes your parents and his as well. Things like this can really be damaging to relationships and that's not how you want to start off with your LO. Let them enjoy - be quick about it and then go home with their snapshots. That will tide them over for awhile.

Hospitals are very good here about fending people off if you wish. When I had DD they told me to just ring the silent nurse button if visitors became overwhelming and they would think of a reason for them to have to leave - for an exam of mommy and baby or just tell them visiting hours are over or whatever. Or if we let them know they just wouldn't allow visitors whenever. We never used any of those things but it was nice to know they were there.


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## EstelSeren

I don't really want anyone other than my husband to come when I'm in the hospital but my parents, who live over 2 hours away and have agreed to stay in a hotel for a couple of nights this visit, will be here from Monday evening through to Wednesday afternoon! So, if I have baby within that period, which is a strong possibility as I'm both due and having a sweep tomorrow, then I'll sort of have to let them visit me as otherwise they won't have a chance to see their first grandchild until she's a couple of months old and that would be unfair considering they're coming to see us! Really hoping that I'll have her either over the weekend so I'm home by the time they come to visit (though I think I'd then insist that instead of taking us out for a meal they come over and buy us takeaway!) or Thursday next week after they've gone so I can have a bit of quiet time with my baby and my husband! I really hate people fussing and crowding me at the best of times and my mum's terrible for it!

Beca :wave:


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## Hoping4Bump89

Your NOT crazy at all! i totally understand i sort of feel the same just hope my friends and some family will understand when baby is finally here

congrats and hope all goes well :flower:


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## Buddysmum89

_Im not due until May, it doesn't sound crazy at all 

I think when i have my baby, id like a few hours to myself with baby and then anyone can visit me when they want . But would just like a few hours to chill out afterwards _


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