# News!! finally heard from fob!



## surprisebaby

Today I got an email from my fob! The first contact for three months. For people who don't know my situation. I am 17 weeks pregnant. I found out in the middle of august. I texted fob the news I am pregnant when I was 3 1/2 weeks pregnant, and he never ever responded. He basically ignored all contact I made and I emailed, texted quite a bit. 

This week I wrote to his mum and send the letter recorded delivery and told her everything. I put in two scan photos as well. i think its the first time she had heard any of this. 

Anyway this is the email he wrote is this(what do you think??):

First and foremost, I don&#8217;t know how you managed to gain access to my
> parent&#8217;s home address but don&#8217;t dare bring them into this. Leave them
> be. I don't live at home, you won't be able to contact me there. I don&#8217;t
> want to hear from you. I can only apologise for that but I have my
> entire future ahead of me, I don&#8217;t need you ruining that. I would like
> to think you&#8217;d do the honourable thing and have an abortion &#8211; but that&#8217;s
> your choice. If what you want is financial aid then that&#8217;s fine. But
> don&#8217;t expect me to contact you again. I&#8217;d appreciate you not
> contacting me either.
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## Ash_P

What a fucking arsehole!! Sounds like u are welll shot of him hun. Have u heard anything back from his mum? At least u have made her aware of the fact she is going to be a grandmother, if she doesnt bother then thats her choice, but at least u can always say that u had the decency to let her know. 

As for him, he really does sound like a complete prick. Do the "honourable" thing and have an abortion!! Who the hell does he think he is. If he feels that his whole life is being ruined then he should of kept his d*ck in her trousers!!
Sorry for the rant, but Im so shocked, these men we were all with just get worse as the days go on. Def make sure that U take him for CSA and get what LO is entitled to.
He is the one missing out, maybe one day he`ll regret it, but it`ll be too little to late at that stage.

How do u feel after reading that?


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## broodylocket

omg, what a utter complete pr*ck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GRRRR, sounds like ur best without him and good luck to you xxx


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## lillprutten

OMG what a harsh one!
You ruining his future?
I doubt you took his sperm by some medical procedure and inserted yourself....
He sounds very unresponsible, part from the financial aid comment.
I'm sorry he's being like that.


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## Welshcob

What a superstar he is!!! WOW - just think of all these wonderful guys out there! Hes going to be such a catch for someone later!...... NOT. Surely its up to his parents to decide whether they want anything to do with their grand child or not????


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## louise85

Don't dare bring my parent's in to this??!! Erm why? They are the child's grandparents, god some men are so stupid!! Just cuz he wants to be a dick does that mean he can speak for them to?

Have you had any response off his Mom? Is there any way for her to contact you?

Funny how he gets in touch, even though apparantly you can't contact him there!! :shrug:


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## McLovin

I would probably say something like (to his mum) "thank you for getting xxx to contact me I really appreciate it as I know where I stand now and feel I can just get on with it. I just want you to know that I'm not going to have any issues with you seeing your grandchild if you wish to, even though xxx isn't interested"


just have to say..... what an utter prick!!! (don't aay that to his mum, as tempting as it probably is)


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## lou_w34

The honerable thing is to have an abortion??? TOSSER
You should reply back with 'why dont you do the honerable thing and stop taking up valuble oxygen on this planet' haha

But seriously... your so much better off if that is the reply you get. Id make sure you save that email aswell, just incase.

Did his mum reply to you personally?

My fob still hasnt told his parents yet either, and im due in less then 5 weeks!! So well done you for being brave enough to tell them :hugs:

Id just forget him now, he's the one missing out, while you are gaining everything, you win, he loses. End off.

:hugs:


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## HannahGraceee

wtf!!! what an arse!! if hes agreed to give you financial aid, milk it for all hes worth


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## teal

It sounds like you and your little one are going to better off without him. Can't believe some of these FOB's. 

That must have been hard for you to contact his parents - I agere that it's up to his parents if they want to see their grand child - it's not up to him. 

The honourable thing would be to step up, support and be a part of his childs life. 

Sending you hugs :hugs: xx


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## woadie

Hi surprise. You and I went through the same thing at the same time. The only difference being that I got my 'feck off' email at the time. I never did contact him again. And I feel now that I did the right thing.

Maybe one day I would feel the 'right and honourable' thing to do would be to tell his parents. Then again, most probably not. But its my choice. Just like its your choice. Not his. They have every right to know and you have every right to tell them if you feel thats the route you wish to take.

He is a complete w*nker, like my FOB was. As for the abortion comment he made to you.... *makes hand gesture* he can go swivel on it. Complete b*stard. 

I hope that you don't listen to a word he says and carry on doing what you feel is right for you x


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## surprisebaby

Thanks for everyones replies. I appreciate all your thoughts and opinions!! 

Ash I haven't heard anything back from his mum yet. I think she received the letter yesterday morning. I really hope she gets in touch with me. I have asked her to. I asked her if she could let me know if she wanted to be involved as a grandparent. She must have some power, because fob wrote to me straight away. I would loved to have heard their conversation!

*How do I feel after reading that? * happy in one way because he has now got in contact and I feel like I am getting some power in the situation. To me it is very satisfying knowing that his mum knows now and has spoken to him about it. I hated the idea that he thought he cover it all up.... that really annoyed me.... i didn't want it to be a secret.

Apart from that I am upset slightly by the things he said, but I can see now that he isn't in denial any longer... he seems to be in the anger phase now... and I like it that he is now facing up to the situation, instead of denying it. Even if its to say things like have an abortion.

I think its ridiculous that he is suggesting i have an abortion. I mean I am almost half way through my pregnancy. There's no way on earth that I would do that, especially not so he can escape responsibility.... he should have spoke to me three months ago and said that. I wouldn't have had an abortion anyway at that time but at least then it would be a more normal time to suggest it. Not that i would have anyway.....

Lillprutten My thoughts exactly... I am not ruining his life... He is totally blaming me... So irresponsible.

Welshcob Yes i agree yes its up to his parents not him whether they get involved or not.

Louise Yes I agree he can't speak for his mum and dad. Not had a response yet. I have left my address and mobile number with her. Hoping she contacts me. Ha ha "Funny how he gets in touch but you can't contact him there" Thats what I thought. Seemed to work contacting him there!!!!!!

McLovin In the letter I said that I would like her to be involved as a grandparent if she wanted. Yeah I think i will say thanks to her for getting him to contact me. I do really appreciate her doing that. I'll wait till she responds first.

Lou Yes exactly... Honorable to have an abortion!!!!... hardly esp being 17 weeks... more like murder! Are you bothered that he hasn't told his parents? You're right he is the one missing out.... yet he doesn't realise it.... i hope when he matures one day, that he realises how horrible he has been and really regrets it.

Teal yes the "honorable thing would be to step up, support and be a part of his childs life". Can't believe he doesn't realise that!!!!

Woadie  No don't worry, I wouldn't have an abortion for him!!! I made my decision three months ago to keep my baby. Why would I change that now? I don't think so!!!

Another thing that I think is stupid. He doesn't want me to contact him ever again yet he offers financial aid...... won't i need to contact him for financial aid? I wouldn't get anything from the csa because he is a student, so probably it would have to be a voluntary thing, so i would have to speak to him.

I find it hard to take in the message he wrote. Its like i have detached myself and his words don't hurt me for some reason.

ok I will update when I hear from fob's mum!!


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## surprisebaby

Any ideas on whether to write back to this message or not? Or what to write? Or what to do?


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## minimoo90

omg, what a nasty peice of work....

i hope you told him to get a life and grow up...

dw about him, men like that don't deserve to have children...

hope you and LO are ok x


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## lou_w34

Im not particularily bothered at the moment, im just trying to get on with my pregnancy at the moment with the least amout of stress possible. However i think once ive had her, i will feel terribley guilty that they dont even no about her, i think i may go and see them with bubs once we are both settled and happy. I dont no if thats the right thing to do, but its better then nothing if their own son is not even willing to tell them :shrug:

Ohhhh if i was you id want to write back with a load of abuse... but i think you can say it better with silence at times. If his mother doesnt get back in touch with you though, i would probably go and see her, just to see if she actually wants contact with her grandchild or not, and her son is not influencing her opinion. If you do write back though, id keep it as mature and sensible as possible, and tell him he's basically blew it for good lol

:flower:


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## woadie

surprisebaby said:


> Thanks for everyones replies. I appreciate all
> Another thing that I think is stupid. He doesn't want me to contact him ever again yet he offers financial aid...... won't i need to contact him for financial aid? I wouldn't get anything from the csa because he is a student, so probably it would have to be a voluntary thing, so i would have to speak to him.

The whole financial aid crap. I think it makes them feel better.

Have a quote from my August email:



> About anything i have left at your house, please just dump it or get rid of it, i dont want any of it back, in case your wondering i havent told anybody about you being pregnant, this is my decision and mine alone, i repeat i will support the child financially through the CSA, i'm not running from that responsibility but i dont love you enough to make this work.
> 
> This will be my last communication with you as there isnt any point of more, i wish you the best with whatever decision you make.

I think the financial part is complete bullsh1t lol

Personally what I would do so this could be rubbish advice knowing me!.... now you've made contact with the FOBs mother I'd hang on and see if she replies to you.... you can see which way to play showing her his email if she does reply. If she doesn't it might be good ammo to use to show her what a total prick he is being in the future especially if you ever seek some more involvement. I'm not writing this very well, but I'm trying to say hold back until you see where the land lies with his mother :)


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## kaylynn040485

If i were u i think i would be printing off a copy of that email and posting it to his parents along with a note saying that your glad u know where u stand now! What a horrible, selfish boy!


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## surprisebaby

Woadie: Omg how similar is the tone of voice in your letter and mine.... a really cold hard hearted response.
The two letters are really quite similar. How nasty. "This will be my last communication with you as there isnt any point of more...." Heart of stone...

I like your idea. It makes sense to me to wait and see what fob's mum does. I so hope she writes to me.

Kaylynn: "What a horrible, selfish boy!" Ha ha thats funny. I love some of the stuff people write. It really makes me laugh! Yes I think fob's mum will need to see that email at some point. It makes him look particularly nasty!!!!


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## EternalRose

Hi ya hun, he is a class A piece of turd! :thumbup: So, he has a voice then. Looks like his mum told him to bloody well get his finger out of his ass. How old is he if you dont mind me asking? This baby will not go away, and honourable = abortion, oh what a mighty fine chap he is! LOSER. I would write back with this


Let me know what you think of it hun :hugs: So sorry your going through this, you very strong. x

Thank you very much for this correspondence, I can now keep this on file for both our mutual benefit. I think we can safely say that the ship has sailed from a reconcilliation point of view, so please dont flatter yourself & let any " me " & " you " scenarios cloud any judgement or decisions you make from now on. Now this can be done the easy way or the hard way but my baby is not going to go away. Unfortunately, it is NOT your decision as to whether any further contact is made with your parents as they are MY unborn childs grandparents. Therefore, I do not NEED your permission to involve them & I really do hope this is clear. As far, as financial aid is concerned. I am glad you mentioned it, as I will be in contact with the CSA. Your student status, is irrelevant to them as you will still have income. CSA will be interested to hear that you can be contacted at your parents address. In an ideal situation, it would be very favourable if you could give me your direct address so I could forward it on to them, but in this event I suspect that this will be highly unlikely. Now, again I appreciate you making contact as your reply shows there is no need for any clarification on DNA. However, if you change your mind on this matter a DNA test can be arranged with the CSA. However, I thought Id do the honourable thing & let you know that sending someone else for the DNA testing would be a bad idea. If found out, you may be prosecuted for protesting against paternity and may even be given a prison sentence.If you decide not to go for the DNA test, they will take it as your happy with paternity. So, you can see where I am going with all of this. All the details are available on the CSA website, if you have any queries regarding this matter. 

You know how to contact me, but you will be hearing from me again either directly or indirectly

Kindest Regards


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## EternalRose

kaylynn040485 said:


> If i were u i think i would be printing off a copy of that email and posting it to his parents along with a note saying that your glad u know where u stand now! What a horrible, selfish boy!

I was going to say, upon your next letter to the parents add his reply. Im sure that will make mum feel so proud. :growlmad:


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## Sarahcake

what a absolute prick!!
As said before, you and your little one are infinately better off without that jerk off. 
Make sure you grab whatever cash out of him as you can.

I hope the mother sees sense and does the right thing for her grandchild.

I hope your ok also, id be fuming if i recieved that email personally.


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## kaylynn040485

surprisebaby said:


> Woadie: Omg how similar is the tone of voice in your letter and mine.... a really cold hard hearted response.
> The two letters are really quite similar. How nasty. "This will be my last communication with you as there isnt any point of more...." Heart of stone...
> 
> I like your idea. It makes sense to me to wait and see what fob's mum does. I so hope she writes to me.
> 
> Kaylynn: "What a horrible, selfish boy!" Ha ha thats funny. I love some of the stuff people write. It really makes me laugh! Yes I think fob's mum will need to see that email at some point. It makes him look particularly nasty!!!!

It just drives me mad seeing these "boys" shirking there responsibilities. I am not a single mummy but me and OH went through a bad patch a couple of months ago and seperated for a bit and i was lucky that he was still very much involved and gave lots of financial help and it drives me crazy that these idiots get away with acting like this. They r all gonni regret it so much one day, probably when its too late! Its scary enough going it alone without them acting like tossers. Thinking of you Kx


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## McLovin

Hopefully she gets to see that email and when she does she'll be very ashamed to call that "man" her son and want to make it up to you and bubs.
I know it's kind of 'mind gamey', but so be it - sometimes it needs to be done (apologies if i sound like a nutter there - but I'm sure a lot of people agree...? I hope!)


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## lou_w34

McLovin said:


> Hopefully she gets to see that email and when she does she'll be very ashamed to call that "man" her son and want to make it up to you and bubs.
> I know it's kind of 'mind gamey', but so be it - sometimes it needs to be done (apologies if i sound like a nutter there - but I'm sure a lot of people agree...? I hope!)


I agree!! heehee

I think she needs to see the email for herself, her son sounds like he's willing to use a few mind games himself to get what he wants... so i say lets use a few ourselves! haha

x


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## Aidedhoney

Oh my god what an arse............I am sure you and your baby will bee 100 times better off without him in your life. 

I agree with showing his mum the email how dare he send that.

Good luck xx


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## tinkerbellita

Jesus what a tosser, I'm going through a similar thing as well, I've not heard from fob for almost 2 months. Had some contact with his sister but got me nowhere. How did u get hold of his parents address? I know my fob lives with his parents but in Madrid, and have no idea how to get the address even though I know his full name, DOB, even the area of Madrid he lives in but just cannot get an address.

I cannot believe how some of these arseholes live with themselves.


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## suzanne108

OMG!!!!!!! I've only just seen this. 

What an absolute idiot!! The "honourable" thing....OMG. I'm in shock that these FOBs actually think this way! 

And if he hadn't ignored you for the last 8 weeks you wouldn't have contacted his parents so he's no one to blame for that but himself. 

If I was you I would reply that he won't hear from you again but you need his contact details for the CSA. Tell him you will save the emails so that the child can see them when he's older and choose whether he would like to contact his sperm donor. 

I hope you're OK....its probably a kinda relief to have finally heard from him after all this time. But...wow, I'm kinda in shock over his stupid email. :hugs: 

xxx


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## MissE007

Can't say much that hasn't already been said. Sorry to hear what happened, a shame that he's been awol for so long and when he does contact you that is his response. Hopefully his mum will pull through, have some contact with the baby and maybe even encourage him to do the right thing by his own child.


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## emmajane

Just one negative thought - Did she def get the letter? I hope he didn't stop it getting to her? :(


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## surprisebaby

Lou Yeah well really it is more his responsibility to tell his mum and dad than yours about baby, but then if he doesn't tell them, then you do feel like they should know... so it only leaves you then to tell them! I suppose it seems an ok idea going to their house once baby is born. omg can you imagine the shock they'll get if they didn't know anything at all about it! I do think its nice to let them know. Hmm I have never met my fob's mum before. She lives in Ireland so I would need to take a trip over!!!! And I think they may live in the countryside so I don't know how I would find it.... but I may think about doing it if she doesn't reply....

Eternal Rose "So he has a voice then"!!!! ha ha He finally spoke!!! And broke out of the silence!! He is 21 years old. Omg that letter was great especially the bit about "I think we can safely say that the ship has sailed from a reconcilliation point of view, so please dont flatter yourself & let any " me " & " you " scenarios cloud any judgement or decisions you make from now on." Thats so funny, cos in his letter he is kinda saying that he thinks his life is more important than me or that he is worth more than me, so that kinda puts him in his place a little bit!
"CSA will be interested to hear that you can be contacted at your parents address". That should freak him out too! Cos he thinks somehow he can't be contacted there. I really liked this letter. I thought it had the right kind of attitude so I basically sent it the way it was and added a few bits and pieces!!! "but you will be hearing from me again either directly or indirectly"- I like this bit because its basically not giving him a choice, I'm telling him what's happening!!! The one I wrote before was just too kind and caring and I felt more confident sending your version, cos I thought it said everything really well!! Thanks Eternal!!

I think I will send a copy of his email, but I will wait a little while and see if she contacts me first.

Tinkerbillita I got his parent's address from knowing his parent's business website address. There is a website where you can find the addresses of anyone who owns a website domain. I think they can put this information as private, but thankfully my fob's parents did not do that :) I don't know how you would find your fob's parent's address. That is really frustrating that he has not been in touch for two months. What was the last thing he said? Did he say he was just gonna not speak to you again, or did he just disappear?

Suzanne--"I hope you're OK....its probably a kinda relief to have finally heard from him after all this time. But...wow, I'm kinda in shock over his stupid email".--- Yeah I'm ok. It is hurtful in a way, but at the same time I feel such a sense of closure and I feel at peace with the situation. I feel like I can move on now. That it's reached the end of something and has started a new phase. One where I am in a more powerful position. And thats a good feeling. I just feel that he is the one who will regret this. I have done everything the right way really (ok well I would say that) and he has behaved really badly in this and now everyone can see that. And if he doesn't see LO he will always have it at the back of his mind and in someways that is his punishment, not to be nasty about it, but thats the truth of the matter. He will always know he wasn't there for his son or there for the mother of his son through her pregnancy and he will just have to live with that on his conscience and how he choose himself and his single life over that of his first son... 

EmmaJane ----"Just one negative thought - Did she def get the letter? I hope he didn't stop it getting to her?"----

He lives in Scotland studying his degree and his home address is in Ireland, so that couldn't have happened. He does go home for weekends sometimes and always for xmas, and other holiday times, but this week he would have uni, so I can safely say that she received the letter! And also he wouldn't have had any idea that I would send her a letter cos he would have thought I didn't know the address. 

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and opinions. It is really helpful. I wonder what will happen next. It's like a soap drama. Its quite a good story line actually.....


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## suzanne108

The best feeling for me is that all these idiotic FOBs will one day feel regret over what they've done. 

If they don't then they are more heartless than I first thought!


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## surprisebaby

suzanne108 said:


> The best feeling for me is that all these idiotic FOBs will one day feel regret over what they've done.
> 
> If they don't then they are more heartless than I first thought!

Yeah totally agree!


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## emmajane

Thats good. Sorry to sounded negative but sounds like you sent it just at the right time. I hope you hear from her soon as I can't believe what a weak son she has.


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## EternalRose

Hi ya hun,

Im glad you used the letter, its formal and takes any emotion out of the equation. He is expecting you to beg e.t.c and that ship has long sailed. Now you just have to put your feet up and wait but I have to say all of the women on this thread that are going through likewise, id admire you all for your strength!! I know deep down it cant be easy but keep your head held high, you have done nothing wrong. xxx :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Naya69

omg what a nasty pill of shit you have there wow its ok to fill a pram yet not take on the responsibilty of pushing that pram most people will say be glad hes out of your life and move on but i say fight on i wouldnt let him get away with that.

i would give his parents a couple of weeks and the write to them again and send that note along but i wouldnt be hash with them because i bet they feel stuck in the middle so this would only just upset them.

i would write bk to him as well the little worm explaining that you would never let this lie and you will keep sending letters and emails left right and centre till he pulls his finger out of his arse and lives up to his role as a father.

i would also send pics of scans and if still no contact pics of baby to his parents iam sure then they will wont contact. but to be honest i would be making a trip over to ireland to talk face to face with them but i would take my mum or someone close for surport.

good luck i really hope she writes bk :hugs: xx


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## Abz1982

Just to throw a curve ball here...................is there a possibility he parents actually told him what to put in the Email?


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## surprisebaby

Abz1982 said:


> Just to throw a curve ball here...................is there a possibility he parents actually told him what to put in the Email?

I suppose it's possible. It's hard to know when i haven't heard back from the parents. Maybe like him they are just trying to get rid of the situation i.e me and the baby. I suppose only time will tell. It will be very frustrating if his mum does not respond, cos then I won't know her viewpoint. There's nothing else I can do now but just and see what happens next. Although I do want to send what he wrote in a way, I think it's best to give them a little time to respond first. 

Thanks for your thoughts about it though. cos if that were true it wouldn't be good to send his email!!!


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## suzanne108

Abz1982 said:


> Just to throw a curve ball here...................is there a possibility he parents actually told him what to put in the Email?

Kinda thinking the same thing.....my FOBs mum has been horrible to me and I do blame her for us splitting up more than I blame him. She's totally got him brainwashed and he can't seem to think for himself. 

So yeah...I'd be careful. You would expect his mum to be on your side being a mother herself, but it doesn't always work that way.


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