# Goodbye to my baby Marley, 22 weeks



## Rachel.P

On the 16th December 2010 I got a very faint positive.
I posted about this, and later that week had a blood test done. My pregnancy tests were fading but my blood test was a strong positive.
My Dr warned me that the worst could happen, and to prepare myself, but made me an appointment for a week's time to check ym blood levels again.
My next blood test was fine, and a POAS test was a strong positive too.
By this time I was almost 7 weeks along.

Everything was fine from then on, and I went to my 12 week scan (12 wk 3 days) with mixed emotions, preparing myself for the worst.
Baby was perfect, and everything was ok.
I went home ecstatic and so excited that this could finally be the one.

At 16 weeks I had another scan, because I was now in the high risk category (my Dr put me there herself to make sure I got extra scans). Everything was still fine and I couldn't of been happier.

I had my gender scan at 20 weeks 2 days. My little girl, Marley, was contently sucking on her thumb and as the sonographer said, "very stubborn to work with". Just like her mother.

All went downhill on the 14th April.
My waters ruptured, and after being rushed to A+E and checked over, the Dr's decided I hadn't lost enough fluid to threaten Marley, and after a quick scan, all was ok. They kept me in a couple of days just to check me over, and gave me antibiotics to prevent infection.

On 17th April, a mere few hours after returning home from my stay, my waters broke fully. I started having contractions.
I knew this was it.
I decided not to ring an ambulance, as I wanted this to be as nature intended, and to spend some time with Marley before she was taken away.
My labour wasn't long, only 5 hours. And it wasn't painful. I was too emotionally numb to feel any physical pain.
At 6:46pm, Marley came into the world sleeping. At 7:22, I passed the placenta.
We cleaned up Marley and wrapped her in a blanket. We spent some time cuddling her and taking in her beautiful features before we called the hospital.
At around 8:30, they took her away.
I was kept in, scanned and checked over, just to make sure everything was ok with me, and the next morning Marley was brought to me in a tiny casket, with a tiny babygrow. They gave me 2 teeny little teddies, which said "for tiny hands to hold" on them. I'm keeping one, the other was buried with her.
On the 21st April we buried Marley, with some photo's of mummy and daddy, grandma, and a lock of our dog's fur, because he didn't leave my side the whole time I was pregnant. He knew before I did, and I know he'd give his life to protect our little one if she was with us.

The pain I'm feeling can't be described.
I feel like if there is a God, I am his plaything. something to tease and taunt with something i woould give anything for, and then just take it away.

I have given up with my ttc journey. 
I can't deal with this pain again. i can't begin to think what i'd do if this happened again.

Everyone keeps saying it'll happen, and that things are improving that can help me, but i dont want that risk.
I cant function anymore.
and it feels like no one understands.


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## babesx3

Awwww :cry: :hugs: you have been thru a terrible ordeal!! :hugs:

Take your time to heal, u don't need to make future decisions, just deal with the here and now... :hugs: u need time to grieve your little angel....

nobody can understand unless they too have given birth to an angel.....
but we understand the raw pain you feel..:hugs:
nothing is harder than losing a child...:hugs:

RIP little marley :kiss:


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## kam78

I am terribly sorry hon ... Just remind yourself to breath & take your time to grieve and heal .. (( BIG HUGS )) .... &#9829;

~Kelly & my angel Emma ... Xx

We're always here for you and Marley.... &#9829;


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## tootsiegb

rip Marley, all my love to you at this sad time tootsie xxx


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## SarahJane

I am so so sorry :cry: I know that there is no worse pain than this. Please look after yourself :flower: 

RIP beautiful little Marley :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

I am so deeply sorry for your loss:cry::cry::cry::cry: I lost my Ava 7 weeks ago at 18 weeks and my SIL just lost her baby last Monday at 17 weeks.
I do understand how you feel and it's a feeling that I would not wish on the most hated person. I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and I am 40 and this pregnancy was a BIG surprise but I was so overjoyed and I remember when i got the positive sign I was just beside myself with joy :cry: Then when I went for the Amnio the heartbeat was gone and I knew at that moment I would be changed forever and I am :cry: I gave birth to her in my house also and I held her and we buried her on March 11th. I go to the cemetery every other day i pray to God to please let me see her or feel her, it's a horrible and heartbreaking way to live. Some days are ok but the nights are terrible i cry so much that my heart is beating sometimes very fast and I am afraid of getting a heart-attack . I waited 6 weeks for the results and the cells didn't grow. My Nuchal was fine her heartbeat was always strong they even detected it at 6 weeks it was 192. I don't know why these terrible things happen i just don't have an answer. All I know is it is us who have to bare this terrible pain which I know will always be with us. I am so deeply sorry if you need a friend or just to talk please just message me, maybe we can ease each other a little.
All My Love :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## iloveblue

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart really goes out to you. xx


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## jojo23

so sorry for your loss hun. i lost my daughter at 22 weeks also its heartbreaking... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your little angel xxx :hugs:


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## Missy86

I am so sorry


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## 24/7

:hugs: xx


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## FunToRun

So sorry for your loss Big :hugs: to you!!!


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## hannpin

RIP little Marley, So sorry hun xxx


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## Mumof42009

So sorry for your loss x


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## mummymarsh

beautiful name.... marley is playinig with all our angel babies... i hope you can heal in time....take as long as you need dont rush yourself xxxxx


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## Moti

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Marley....you're in my thoughts.:hugs:


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## SassyLou

Fly high Little Marley.

I'm so sorry for your loss, sending lots of :hugs:


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## babybaillie

So sorry for your loss. I lost a baby 8 years ago at 22 weeks. Just take it a step at a time. You wont feel like ttc right away. Dnt push it let urself recover physically and mentally. Our 1st rainbow was born 2 years to the day our baby died. And although she never replaced him, i felt it was time to have another. 

Your birth sounds lovely. Love that you did it your way and had some alone time with her b4 she was taken away. No one can ever take those memories away for you xx


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## lil bear

I'm so sorry for your loss, lot of love and hugs to you :hugs::hugs:

I know the pain that you're feeling, I lost my lil guy last week at 13+5 weeks and some of the things people say meaning well do hurt like hell and feel really insensitive :cry:

I'm here if you want to talk, cry, rant or anything :hugs:

My thoughts are with you, your family and little Marley xx


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## RobenR

Very sorry for your loss.


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## le_annek

I am so sorry xxx


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## staceyg

so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## Abblebubba

:hugs:


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## Weeplin

I'm so sorry hon :hugs:


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## django31

:hugs: so sorry xxx


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## xSamanthax

I am so so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## kaz29

i am so sorry for your loss, reading your story has made me cry for you. There is nothing i can say that will make it better for you so i wont even try xxxxx hugs xxxxx


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## michelle1985

im so sorry for your loss hun


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## mummylove

Brought tears to my eyes i am so sorry hun


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## babyfromgod

I am so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## Embo78

I'm so sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## mrsraggle

So sorry for your loss :hugs:


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## hellohefalump

I'm sorry for your loss xxxx


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## flower01

Marley sounds like a lovely little girl :) she will be very much missed.
xx

i hope it gets better for you honey and soon
xxxxxx


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## Mrs.W

I'm so sorry, you are in my thoughts :hugs:


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## sue_88

RIP Angel Marley Xx


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## babyboo1258

oh sweetheart, what a heartbreaking ordeal your going through, im so sorry for your loss :hugs:

Sleep tight Marley :hugs:


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## BeesBella

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sleep well little Marley.


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## wish2bmum

I'm so sorry, thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope you can begin to smile again one day soon and wish you all the best xx


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## Lucy22

I'm so sorry for your loss, lots of hugs coming your way :hugs:


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## borntobeamum

xxx hugs xxx


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## mummy2anangel

so so sorry :hugs: xx


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