# Am I miscarrying (or could it be something else)?



## sowanted

Hi.

I'm new here and wish more than anything my first post were directed to any board than this...

Please could you help me understand what is happening to me?

About 48 hours ago, I started to feel a bit different in my abdomen area. Not in my uterus (as with a period) but more next to it. Alongside it. I put it down to "I'm pregnant. Things are changing." By my calculations, I was 9+1 that day. I live in England where first scan happens in week 12 to determine how many & due date.

A few days earlier I had started to feel a bit bloated and this new mild strain along each side made me feel just a bit more 'aware' of my middle. Then, two days ago, I urinated normally. When wiping, I saw shiny mucus tinged a very, very light brown.

Rang my midwife who said that this can happen. Perhaps some of the plug has become dislodged? I described the strains. She said it could be ligaments around the uterus, that it's felt on both sides doesn't raise an alarm. She asked if I was in pain. No, not at all. Just feels like I did situps yesterday (but hadn't). I followed my instinct and just got horizontal & rested.

Then, yesterday afternoon I started to feel (in addition to strains) period-like
symptoms: the drone of uterine pain and also rumbly (gas) tummy. I started to pass very dark rust colored blood. Not shiny as day before and much much darker. More brown than red. Just like the start of my period. I called midwife who said hormones are all over the place, some people experience regular bleeding & still carry babies to term whilst others have regular periods during pregnancy and also still deliver healthy babies. Said to rest, pay attention to what's happening, and whilst any blood is of course worrying, brown blood indicates nothing fresh. Bright red blood is worrying, esp if there's a lot of it. (I wasn't flowing much...clear TP after three or four wipes.)

Had a very brief period-like 'incident'...my periods have been bad though have been quite lucky past five years. Became very hot, very suddenly. Bit of diarrhea 'helped along' with some quick breathing. The drone pain became worse and I just wanted to get fetal, as with a bad period.

Slept fine last night. No flow whatsoever. Got vertical, and as I experienced the three times I got up yesterday, there was flow. Like a period. This time, bit redder. No clots. No shiny mucus. Just dull coloured reddish brown blood. Not a lot. Less than the first morning of a period.

Have been laying low today. Cramping has gotten worse. Just like a bad period. Very focussed pain on uterus. Only 'new' symptom the ab strain. Sent 
husband to get hot water bottle which provided relief. Slept two hours. Got up to urinate. Blood redder. Shiny. Some discharge resembling texture of egg whites. Bit of hormonal hotness but not nearly as bad as yesterday (or prior periods, esp those in early 20s).

Am I miscarrying?
How long does the bleeding last before sac is expelled?
What I'm experiencing is not pleasant and is uncomfortable bur overall it's just worrying.

Am trying to listen to my body and trust it knows best. So part of me thinks 'If it's not a healthy set-up and MC is what body says to do, shouldn't it be happening then?, clearly?, quickly?'

At same time, wondering if I'm one of those 'has a period during pregnancy' women.

All the while, reassuring baby she/he is so wanted.

With it being Easter weekend, can't get a scan 'til Tuesday. And don't feel a trip to hospital will yield anything useful, really.

Would be grateful to hear from any who have miscarried or bled during pregnancy. Just not sure what is happening to my body/baby.

Am 40. This is (hopefully) my first child.

Many thanks, in advance, for any perspective you can offer.


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## lindblum

hi, 

Its impossible to say without having a scan or monitoring your hcg levels.

When i miscarried, i had bright red spotting the first day and from the second day onwards it was very very heavy bleeding with clots and painful cramping that lasted 6 days. 

the best thing to do would be to go to the hospital on Tuesday. 

some bleeding can be normal in pregnancy, my sister bled through 1st tri and now has a healthy two yr old to show for it

i'm sorry you are going through this and hope you get answers soon x


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## sowanted

Thanks, lindblum. Such a strange 'state', pregnancy...and so different for everyone.

Update:
Over the past few hours, things have changed noticeably. I got up to go to the toilet. Did that. Passed some bright red blood. But then, as I stood up, I no longer had the bad period pains. Still feel the strain on either side of my uterus bit it's lessened, as well. I can almost stand up straight now.

Am hoping this is a good sign, of course. But can't help wonder if this is just my body's way of signalling the 'struggle' of the fetus fighting to persist is over. One's imagination can sure run wild, as I'm sure you (and all others who've gone through complications/MCs) have experienced.

Gonna continue to lay low. Calmly. And plan to go to the hospital on Tuesday where we can hopefully be scanned. Preparing for the worst but hoping for the best. Limbo. Awful place...


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## NewfieFan

I so feel your pain! Continue to hope for the best! A lot of people have bled in their first trimesters and carried healthy babies to term. The fact you haven't had a lot of bright red bleeding is a little reassuring. When I had my m/c at around 7/8 wks it started as very light spotting and quickly went to bright, heavy bleeding during the same day. And the pain was way worse than period cramps - I would compare it to early labour (of course if you haven't been in labour you don't know what that feels like yet). If you haven't passed a lot of bright red blood, clots, or tissue... I would hold onto hope!

Keep us update! :hugs:


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## Finallytrying

I am also having this issue I have like cramps though and I did have clots pass.. I just hope everything is okay and that this cramp that is prodominately on my left side goes away


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## sowanted

Finallytrying said:


> I am also having this issue I have like cramps though and I did have clots pass.. I just hope everything is okay and that this cramp that is prodominately on my left side goes away

Oh, finallytrying, hang in there! Thinking of you...


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## sowanted

Thanks for replying.

I continue to hope but am still quite worried, of course.

Update (as of 9am Easter Sunday):
Woke up at 6am with what felt like a very full bladder. Soreness/ache in abdomen area when I stood up so stayed hunched over. Went to the toilet. No blood flow overnight (pad clean) but a small stream of bright red blood (same colour as yesterday afternoon) but much, much less in quantity. Urinated very little. Didn't drink enough yesterday so understandable. It must have been the general soreness that woke me up then?

The sharp period pains that were localised to the uterus yesterday (and related hormonal hotness coming in waves) have gone. I'm taking that as a good sign. It still could mean a bad outcome but at least I'm not suffering in that way any more. General abdominal soreness persists. It's a combo feeling of too-many-situps-yesterday + got-bashed-in-the-belly-by-a-basketball. And I still have rumbling gas. Very odd feeling. And not normal.

Plan is to continue to lay low (hip joints are starting to hurt from being horizontal & fetal for most of the past three days!). See how things develop. And go to hospital on Tuesday for a scan. Expecting it to be emotional, whatever the outcome. Sigh. Not fun. Nor easy. I guess moments like these make us.


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## Finallytrying

I'll be thinking about you too, I have an update too. I woke up my cramps are gone and the blood clots and bleeding either slowed or stopped through the night because it's turning to old blood. My hips to are hurting but a pillow between my legs helps quite a bit. Today I will stay horizontal as much as possible and I go for a scheduled scan Tuesday if they don't have me come in Monday.


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## Donna210369

Fingers crossed for both of you xx

I bled brown bleeding for 4 weeks in my last early pg. It stopped at 8+1 and all my scans (4 of them had shown a lovely heartbeat and a growing baby) Dr's weren't worried at all, so try and stay calm and hope that all is well. My baby didn't make it but it wasn't related to the bleeding as the baby died a couple of weeks after bleeding stopped. Good luck to both of you xx


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## sowanted

Thanks, everyone.

Bit of an update (as of 8:30pm, Easter Sunday):
Have been relaxing/sleeping all day. Feeling much better today in that I have no period-like pains (as I did heavily yesterday). The strains alongside both sides of my uterus remain but feel less intense (perhaps in the absence of the additional period pains?). 

In terms of bleeding: nothing flowing onto the pads. Only a bit of discharge when I'm sat on the toilet and then, it's as thin a stream as possible without being a drip (tough to see if it was actually 'flowing'). Colour is dull red (wouldn't describe it as bright as I would at times yesterday's and not as brown/rust coloured as Friday's discharge).

So, overall not a lot of blood passing in past 24 hours and big improvements in uterine pain. Am still not 'normal' by any stretch of the imagination and so still worried, of course. Have been able to sit up on sofa (don't need to be as hunched over) which has been great the past few hours. Hips very sore.

Will rest tomorrow (Monday) and get to a scan on Tuesday as early as we can. Just trying to prepare our minds, really, and our hearts for whatever news is coming. Trying to trust that 'body knows best' but it's tough.

Thanks to everyone who has replied. Your presence helps my husband and me feel less alone and for that we are grateful.

PS. to finallytrying: thinking of you!


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## lindblum

sowanted, Finallytrying
Both your updates sound promising, hope you get good news from the scan x


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## Finallytrying

I now have cramps again and bleeding blood clots but not flowing like a period but the cramps are, I think I may go to the hospital tonight to see what the dr says


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## sowanted

Oh no! I was hoping the cramps would stay away for both of us!

It's this unknown and variability that I find most difficult. For this reason, I did consider going to the doctor yesterday but as the midwife said a miscarriage can't be stopped and that scans aren't possible in A&E, we decided against it. (We'll go Tuesday when clinic re-opens after Easter holidays.)

Sending all good wishes your way...for when you're in your house (wishing you patience and calm in the face of worry and wonder), for when you speak to your doctor (wishing you the gift of clear communication), and when you're on the way back home (wishing you strength to face whatever is ahead...because whatever that is, I think we'll need it!).

Keep us updated. We'll be here for you. Thinking of you and hoping for the best.


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## sowanted

Update as of 6:30am Easter Monday:
Woke up at 5am to a feeling of blood flow. Not a lot but it's red. Sigh.

Please could someone ask the operator to stop the ride? I want off this rollercoaster. I want to now sit on a bench, feet firmly planted on the ground, and enjoy a Sno-Cone.


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## NewfieFan

sowanted said:


> Update as of 6:30am Easter Monday:
> Woke up at 5am to a feeling of blood flow. Not a lot but it's red. Sigh.
> 
> Please could someone ask the operator to stop the ride? I want off this rollercoaster. I want to now sit on a bench, feet firmly planted on the ground, and enjoy a Sno-Cone.

I am so sorry! If I could hit the emergency stop button I would!!! And join you on the bench for a sno-cone and pretzel! :hugs:


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## Finallytrying

I had a lot of red blood and cramps yesterday they died down again last night andvwe are waiting for the dr's office to call so we can go get an ultra sound. I have a feeling the news won't be good


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## sowanted

Oh dear, Finallytrying...the saga continues for both of us! Any news from the doctor? Have you managed to go in? Thinking of you and your husband...

Update as of 8pm Easter Monday:
I've not had much flow/discharge at all today...only two instances of very constant drips when sat on the toilet...but what is coming out is bright red. Seems to happen only when I'm vertical. Period cramps haven't returned at all today but I surely don't feel 'right'. Quite a bit of rumbly (and at times uncomfortable) gas and my abdomen is still very tender indeed.

Knowing I'll be headed into the hospital tomorrow morning, and preparing myself to be floored by bad news and perhaps huddled for days, I found the strength to take a shower about an hour ago. What with being horizontal since Thursday and sweating so much Saturday during hormonal waves and cramps, my hair appeared to have darkened about three shades on the colour chart! (Eww.) I can now say I have the skill of washing my hair, standing up but hunched over! What an ordeal but I feel (and no doubt smell!) like a new woman.

More time on the sofa is ahead for this evening. Hubs has looked up the clinic. Opens at 8am. We'll ring first thing and see if we can get a morning appointment. So many emotions have been experienced but above all, we're just feeling very confused. If it IS a miscarriage, why isn't it just happening? Why has the pain and 'progress' stopped? But if it isn't/wasn't a miscarriage, then what was all that about these past four days? Am feeling very cautious and am somewhat expecting bad news but, of course, I do hold some hope alive, too. Just feeling eager to KNOW, either way, I guess. Big day tomorrow.


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## Finallytrying

Were leaving here in about 15 minutes our appointment is at 1 and my husband asked if we could talk before we go and he asked if we are going in thinking positive or not and I said no but wanted to start crying. I would rather go in prepared for sadness and have the possibility of the baby being okay than think good and be so sad all over again. As long as I am horizontal my cramps stay away I still also have the period type b
Ending when I use the bathroom but no clots today thankfully. I just want to know what is going on and if I am miscarrying I don't know what to do whether it should be natural or medical and which way you can try conceiving faster after. I would never and will never forget this but my husband keeps telling me that if we did miscarry the baby is probably better because for some reason their health wasn't where it needed to be and we don't want our baby to suffer we want them to be healthy and hapy whether they are angels or beings


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## sowanted

Hubs and I have had this conversation today, as well (in advance for tomorrow).

We will go in ready for anything...hopeful but cautious. It's tough to be entirely hopeful after seeing blood and feeling so much pain.

Good luck. Be gentle with yourselves and with your emotions. You've done all you could. Our bodies do know best. I think your husband is right.

We're here if you need us...continuing to pull for you, and for the best outcome possible, whatever that might be. So, so tough. Sending you strength from England.


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## Finallytrying

I just want to let you guys know I did lose the baby and am taking pills tonight to get rid of the extra blood and tissue. I never thought I would have to go through this and it seems like everything my husband says is just irritating and not helping although he wants to try again right away like me he doesn't know the pain I am feeling and will feel when my body has this little thing... I just want it to be over already


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## sowanted

Damm!t! (Sorry. I've had a strong reaction to reading your news. I mean, it's just all so unfair. I've been sat here, wondering how you were getting on, wishing all I could for a positive outcome. Sigh.)

I am so, SO sorry. I wish I could write something that might help even in the littlest of ways. But I hesitate because I don't want to type the wrong thing! I guess what I can offer are the only thoughts/ideas that have come to me (which are simple, which I hope you don't take as platitudes because they most certainly come from my heart):

-Let your feelings come: they are real and (I think) can help us get through tough times.

-Don't hesitate to state what you need from your husband. Maybe you want him to just hold your hand and not talk? Maybe he can make sure a water bottle is at the ready? (in my worst pain on Saturday this did help...here's to hoping some such relief is available for what you're about to go through). Maybe you're not sure what you'll need but you want him nearby?

It's scary for OHs, too. And they are largely helpless observers. I know my hubs, for one, is struggling greatly with this. I felt myself getting frustrated today when my husband was trying to understand how today's flow was different from period flow. Of course, he wouldn't know. We don't discuss flow! He hasn't seen me sat on the toilet panting before (which is something I do 7-8 times a year when periods are bad). Up to this point he only knows 'my wife sometimes has really bad periods'. And he was trying to understand the symptoms and follow what was going on and I was getting short with him as he asked a few questions to clarify. It wasn't until he said, quite exasperatedly, 'I'm just trying to understand what's happening!' that I realised I wasn't at all helping us get through it together. We were working against one another. I will be thinking of this tomorrow, most certainly, as I know I'll need his support (in ways I can't define yet). Others have commented that this experience brought them closer to their OHs. As much as possible, I want us both to 'go through' it so that later we both feel like we 'got through' it, if that makes any sense. 

-As I prepare myself for this same outcome tomorrow, I think (probably naively) that somehow it might help to remind ourselves that we did all we could, that something just wasn't right. And that we have to trust our bodies, even if this time they told us exactly what we didn't want them to say. Our same powerful bodies will some day deliver babies. And we need to respect them.

-Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself lots of time.

-When you're feeling up to it, indulge in all things wonderful that might possibly help you feel better.

-I have no idea what you (and probably I) are facing. But I can say that during my most awful periods as hormones settled during my teenage years (which an A&E doc once told me sounded like early labour as I described them and how I got through them), I always appreciated a cool wet washcloth for my face and cold water nearby to drink. I expect to have these ready tomorrow.

I'm so, so sorry. I'm just so sorry.

I'll be here...


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## Finallytrying

Well since I never have period cramps when I got these ones I started to worry but now that the dr has prescribed pain Meds I have an idea of what it might be like but really no clue. And I feel bad for every person who has to go through this no matter how many children they have. I just hope your scan tomorrow goes well and you have a healthy baby. I now just want to start thinking about trying again but Easter and thanksgiving will never be the same. And thank you for your support because most people don't know what to say or say the wrong thing and talking about it just makes me want to cry, so being able to write about it helps. I just wonder what I have in store with these pills. My husband also had the issue of not knowing what period flow is and yesterday when I passed tissue he asked if he could look to see the water and he was worried that I was going to bleed out, but I was only worried about the clots and tissue not the blood.....

Sorry this is so confusing my mind just has so many thoughts going through it


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## TwoRdue

Hi Finallytrying I am so sorry to hear of your news it has me very emotional reading this.
I lost my babies 4 weeks ago when I was 18 weeks pregnant and it has been a hard month as this is something that no woman should have to go through. My thoughts are with you.x
Sowanted I am keeping my fingers crossed for you and I hope all is well.x


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## lindblum

Finallytrying - I am so sorry x


sowanted - good luck at your scan today x


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## jessjones118

Finallytrying, as i'm reading this post i'm crying.... I'm so sorry for your lose. I had a MC in Jan.12, and I believe i'm having another one (i'm 5weeks 4days) have been spotting since saturday, and cramping since Sunday. Went to the MD yesterday and they said there was nothing they could do.. they wouldn't scan me or anything. they said just let it go... sowanted i hope the best outcome to you, please update us!


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## lindblum

jess - i remember your post in 1st tri, i'm sorry you got treated like that :hugs: are you still spotting? x


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## jessjones118

lindblum said:


> jess - i remember your post in 1st tri, i'm sorry you got treated like that :hugs: are you still spotting? x

Yes :( when i go to the bathroom. I just don't feel right. this is the way i felt the 1st time also.


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## n_gods_hands

hey finallytrying I am so sorry to hear about what you just went through...I read the post's from the beginning and I am so sorry....I am going through something that is so similar....I am in early pregnancy as well and I keep spotting....it started friday of last week and it was brown at first then turned dark red....then stopped after 20 to 60 min....then nothing until Saturday night and I started bleeding again this time bright red but not enough for a pad either times....then it stopped again until last night when I noticed pink on my tp during the day so I put a pad on and went to bed..woke up this morning around 5 am and realized I had bleed again during the night...it is hard to tell what that color was because it had stopped by the time I woke up and was brown...but it was quite a bit....the whole pad wasn't soaked but it is enough to freak me out....spotted brown all morning...very little now it has stopped....I went to the er when it first started on friday and they saw a gestational sac but could not tell me if it was going to survive or not....i am still really early...no heart beat yet...they did take my hcg levels and they were only 280 they went from 28 then 5 days later to 200 then three days later at the er to 280....not a good sign...I keep praying and hoping for the best but expecting the worst when I go in back in this Friday....

I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and that god has everything under control if it is not meant to be for me right now then there is nothing that I can do to stop it....

I wish the best of luck to you and I am so sorry to hear what you went through, I actually started crying when I was reading your post...


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## Finallytrying

Thank you guys for all your support, my husband has been here with me and I just hope I don't have to take those pills again but I think I might because I didn't pass anything like I was supposed too, I just puked and had the "side effects" of those pills which is not pleasant at all.


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## sowanted

Well, we've got the main answer but more questions/confusion, as well.

Got through to the clinic by phone just after 8 this morning. Was deemed a 'non-emergency case' on account of not bleeding through pads constantly the past two days. I fought my corner, saying it would appear that was the case owing to being entirely horizontal since Thursday (apart from the times I was sat on the toilet, and then, I was flowing).

Got a call back 30 minutes later saying I could be seen right away. Sonographer would start early to fit me in. Rubbish collection meant we were trapped at the end of our street for 15 minutes so we arrived later than we should have, really. But we were eventually seen.

First: urine test. Bleeding a lot. Test showed still pregnant.

Next: scan. Sonographer advised an internal scan from the get go. Feeling so tender and hunched over, the thought of this really frightened me. I asked if we could start with on-the-belly. Sure. Good Lord did it hurt to get down flat on my back! Everything feels closer to 'normal' hunched over. Laying flat is painful to begin with and then uncomfortable (but not unbearable). I eased myself down, feeling as though my middle was a sort of dried out rubber band found at the back of a desk drawer, stretching out (and most likely about to pop). She waited patiently which I will forever appreciate. The image showed a thicker than usual lining "which is consistent with the bleeding you're experiencing" but nothing else. No sac. No evidence of a pregnancy. I got my nerve up and agreed to the internal because this would yield more information, she advised. This investigation showed healthy ovaries (as far as she could tell) and a clot just at the cervix. "Expect more bleeding today." With urine test indicating positive, she was clearly confused. Hubs and I were too, of course though the outcome didn't really shock us...as I've mentioned we went in fully expecting a 'no baby in November' outcome. Above all, we were just confused!

Next up: blood test to establish a reference point for hcg levels. I'll do another one in 48 hours to indicate which direction they're going. (Blood test done seven days ago as first part of Down's screening not useful at all.)

Then, the OB came in. Explained four day history of bleeding and said I just felt baffled by it all. I pee'd on a stick in early March. In fact, I pee'd on four sticks in early March. I saw four positives. I've missed a period. My breasts have gotten tender. Two weeks ago my trousers started to feel just a bit tighter. Ten days ago, for the first time in my life, I experienced what I think is bloating; the sides of my torso (near my elbows as I'm standing) feel like they're expanding from the inside, like a small flat balloon. Last week, I felt and described something which my midwife said was ligament stretching. I'd never heard these words before in my life let alone felt such a thing before! Yet some fancy machinery in the fetal unit of a world class university's teaching hospital is telling us my uterus is empty? How is this possible?! Where is the sac? Surely I would have seen it come out. I've had only four little 'bits' of what I'd call 'tissue', and not blood, over the past four days. And these each were about the size of a grain of rice. I've had no bleeding whatsoever before last Thursday. Utterly baffling... 

I asked if a scan would reveal an ectopic pregnancy. She said no, that she'd next be doing an internal exam to start checking into that. First, she examined my cervix. She took a swab and I asked her if she could see the clotting which the sonographer's camera had seen and predicted would be on its way out soon. She said yes, that this exam would probably even help that along. It actually came out with the speculum. The exam continued with her palpating my abdomen externally and vaginal lining internally. I fully expected to jump right off the table then and there but much to my surprise I had no discomfort (let alone pain!) by this. Very strange indeed.

With the exam over, I asked about the clot/tissue that had come out. I asked if that could be the sac. I saw it. To my untrained eye, it looked very 'contained'. That it was 'something' in and of itself, rather than a large clot that had broken away, or a lump of mucus, or any combination thereof. It was a very rich reddy/purple colour. It looked 'plump' but not very 'wet'. It resembled what an organ in a small animal might look like. (Sorry, my dad is a sportsman and I've seen him cleaning ducks and fish...and all I can do is describe in relation to what is familiar to me.) The nurse said they'd send it off for testing. What kind, I do not know...and regrettably, I didn't ask.

On Thursday, I'll go back for a follow-up hcg test (by blood). We would expect the reading to be going down. But going up would indicate 'still pregnant' and since no sac is in the uterus this would indicate an ectopic pregnancy. This seem very unlikely.

Knowing we won't have a baby in November is sad. Very sad indeed. But the news doesn't come as a surprise and my reaction (at least initially) is to just try to understand. Hubs and I are feeling quite flat tonight but we also remain hopeful that we will someday become parents. We are both researchers and our 'way' is to try to understand the nature of problems and think of how to arrive at a solution. It is not always easy to live with the minds we have (nor each other's!) but I value our approach, even if to others it may seem all too 'academic', especially at very human moments like this.

At this point, our questions are (among others):

-What went wrong and when?

-How long do hcg levels show 'pregnant' (when one no longer has a developing fetus)?

-How is it that a fetus can fail early on in a pregnancy yet the body continues to 'be' or 'act' or 'behave' pregnant (ie sore breasts, tiredness, no period, etc)? Is it that only part of the 'system' has registered this news or change of 'status'? We have learned from many of you that it's possible to learn at the 12 week scan that one's baby died 3, 4, 5, 6 weeks earlier. How can it happen that the body doesn't expel or give any other sign for so long, when something so significant has changed (ie fetus no longer developing)?

-Could the fact that I am quite susceptible to the hormone surges (esp estrogen) that come with a normal period (menstrual migraines, progesterone-only pill for birth control, etc) help explain (even partially) this miscarriage? (I want to look into the hormonal changes in early pregnancy...I've read about the need for progesterone in the early days. Maybe my body doesn't produce enough? How could this be determined? Should I find a specialist? I'm 41 in May...now that this has happened, maybe we need to start looking at things diagnostically?) 

-Just what IS the pain I am feeling? Why am I most comfortable hunched over? I have the very distinct feeling that I did 100 crunches (but dear God no way in hell did I do such a thing yesterday!) and have been hit in the belly with a basketball. What exactly is the source of this discomfort?


So, Mr and Mrs Sowanted will not become parents in November. We are feeling sad but not devastated. We know things go wrong for so, so many people and we weren't arrogant enough to think when we saw those four pink lines in early March that we were immune to those difficulties. We knew that the rate of miscarriage is higher for older mums. Difficulties can come with older pregnancy. We know that. And we just happen to now be 'in it'. 'In' the reality of those numbers/statistics/outcomes/phenomenon. We are in it together. And we are just letting our feelings come.

After being in the hospital for four hours, we were both more than ready for lunch. Hungry and wanting to just be handed hot food. Knowing how tender I am and fully expecting more bleeding, we knew we needed to find a place we could drive to and park near to. We are normally cycle-oriented people and know few places that meet this criteria. Thinking of a retail park nearby, hubs suggested Pizza Hut but then hesitated. I knew he was thinking, "Ooh, not a very good suggestion. Greasy. Not at all healthy." (He's been very conscious of my diet during the past 10 weeks.) I just laughed and said, "It doesn't matter now, does it?! Heck, I could eat moldy cheese for lunch today!" So, holding my belly with one hand, tucking under his arm as he held the door for me, and both of us laughing on the way in, we arrived to the waiting area/entrance. Ten minute wait.

Already sat down waiting was a party of three. Grandma, mother, baby. Seven or eight months old, I'd say. Very alert, very playful, obviously very loved. As they interacted all three were smiling. I noticed a little scab on baby's forehead. I began to think about all the exploring that must have been done and wondered what big discovery had been made before running into a bit of trouble. Poor thing. And then, I watched this lovely little being notice my guy...my strapping guy of 6'4" whose crazy hair makes you look and whose gentle, welcoming face keeps you looking.

Despite the way he/she was being held, this baby was no longer interested in Mom or Grandma. Craning its neck and pushing against Mom in a clear gesture of defiance, the baby twisted itself around to get a better look at who was standing behind him/her. Looking toward the sun and revealing stunningly beautiful blue eyes, I watched this baby became fixated on my guy's face. Mom bouncing the baby, Mom trying to turn Baby's attention back to her, Grandma leaning in. All failed attempts. Their gaze was simply uninterruptable. For ten full seconds I watched this wide-eyed beauty become utterly transfixed by my husband. Mom stopped bouncing. Grandma's efforts ceased. All of us were now staring at this inquisitive baby studying a new face. Finally, I looked over at my husband, looming tall above those who were occupying all of the cushy seats. His face showed an expression of wonder that I'd never before witnessed. It caused my breathing to become shallower. He must have seen me looking at him in his peripheral vision because it was he who lost the staring contest. He looked over at me smirking, and then looked down as though a bit embarrassed for having been noticed and given so much attention, and in such an unabashedly generous way. I just lost it. Sobbing in the waiting area of Pizza Hut. 

We are okay. I am safe. I am healthy. I am loved. I have a good brain. And we will dig to get answers which will hopefully lead to being able to carry a pregnancy to term. The thought of having sex freaks me out right now. Middle is so so tender still. 

Perhaps emotion will surge like a tidal wave over my rational approach to things. But for now, I'll just be still. And quiet. And reflective. And just 'be' as I am.

Thank you to everyone here who has been with us and helped us through these difficult and worrying past four days. What helpful tools these metal boxes and cords can be, and what valuable resources they can lead us to. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. You have helped us feel less scared and not as alone as we might have otherwise felt.

Thank you. I'm hopeful I'll have better news to share one day.


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## lindblum

Your update is so heartbreaking, i am so so sorry. i hope you get answers soon x


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## sowanted

Feeling nothing that many, many others have before me. We'll be okay.

Thanks for your support.


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## Finallytrying

I wish you could have had better answers, my hcg will be monitored weekly and I will be updated every week till it gets back to zero. I also did not see a sack or anything on my ultra sound but I don't know where it is or if it has already passed but I called the dr to see what the next step is because what I was told would happen hasn't and I just want this to end. I know we will both be mom's one day. There was a poem that someone posted in here that made me sad but it was nice to read.


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## kelly4

Hi there, I have just read your update and i am so sorry you are going through this. I had my missed miscarriage two weeks ago and I had only spotting, no pain though and still had all my pregnancy symptons but my baby was gone. It is hard, but it sounds as though you have a great support from your oh. My oh has been a rock and I dont know if I could have got through this with out him. It has made us much stronger. The whole sex thing will pass as your body heals and you can only decide when your ready to do it again. I hope your ok and we are here if you want to talk, sending you loads of hugs xx


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## sowanted

Hi, all.

Gosh, it was sure tough to get to sleep last night. Settled in gingerly because my belly is still so sore, and the tears just came streaming out :( Somehow, shutting the lights out & tucking in after a long five days marked the end.

Eventually, I calmed down and fell asleep. Slept well, thankfully. Hubs was up early...he's got a conference to go to for three days. We decided there was little sense in staying back (though if I learn tomorrow hcg levels are on the up he'll come racing back because that would indicate ectopic and some sort of procedure...chances are low though as I had no pain yesterday as doc pressed around in tubal regions). 

It's a still, sunshiney morning here. Am going to slowly make my way to the coffee shop at the end of my street. Later, if I'm up to it, I may walk to the fabric shop. Am still hunched over and in mild constant pain but now I know being up and about isn't threatening anything, I'll push through. I just can't lay down anymore! Not when blue skies and daffodils and a nice new summer wrap around skirt beckon.


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## Finallytrying

I laid in bed all day Saturday sunday we did easter at my grandparents Monday I laid in bed till my appt and I have been in bed since after my appt. It was nice Monday and yesterday the baby passed which was very upsetting but I think today I'm going to try and do things. My husband has laid here with me and done everything he can but I know he is tired of laying around doing nothing when it's not raining out. I just feel so empty though.


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## sowanted

Hi everyone.

Bit of an update to share. Went for my 2nd hcg blood test this morning. Was due to hear back by the end of the day but haven't. Do hope it's going in the down direction since Tuesday's. That reading was 183 (done at 9+6). Nurse said a pregnancy can be detected at 20 and that we'd expect the level to double every 48 hours. So, very much lower than it should be that far along.

Learned the bit of tissue that came out with speculum on Tues will be tested for what type of tissue it is (and nothing more): endometrial tissue, pregnancy tissue or something called 'mole' (which happens in ~1 in 1200 pregnancies...but I'm not sure what it is).

Was still feeling so perplexed about where the sac is/was, as apart from the tissue removed Tuesday, I've had only blood (no clots) pass. The nurse offered that if a failure happens very early the body can simply reabsorb it and we can't necessarily expect the body to expel anything. And I would have continued to experience pregnancy symptoms?, I asked. Yes, she said. It's possible. "We must rule out ectopic because we have no proof of an inter-uterine pregnancy. Your uterus was empty." She got up and I heard her speaking to a doctor and (presumably) a sonographer. The nurse expressed concern that we'd seen no sac. The sonographer said it didn't make sense to scan again. There'd been nothing on Tuesday. Nurse returned to me. "I'll ring later today with the hcg results. It may be ectopic. We just don't know."

I left the hospital feeling sad, still a bit bewildered by it all but trying to accept the new knowledge that perhaps there was nothing to come out at any point. Because my body had absorbed it. Walked out slowly (abdomen still very tender, from what I don't know). Paid for parking. As I made my way to the car, I felt something passing down and out of my vagina. It was unlike anything I've felt before. I paused and for a moment wondered, "Shall I go back in?" Opted not to...the image of that all-black screen and the words, "Your uterus is empty, there's nothing here" so fresh in my mind.

Got in my car and drove home. Parked up. Got inside. Walked up the stairs to the toilet. Before sitting down, I wiped...and lo, and behold: something. The size of a ping pong ball. A very 'contained' something. It smelled 'not right'. Suddenly I felt very calm. That's it, I thought. It must be. 

I rang the hospital. The nurse I've been working with answered. Explained what had happened. Asked if I could bring it in for testing. Of course, she said. So, back I went to the hospital. Spoke to a different nurse upon arrival. She put on gloves, we emptied it out into a little lab dish. She commented that she'd be surprised if the lab said this was endometrium.

Where this was hiding is a mystery but I'm pleased it's out and that I'll be told what sort of tissue it is. It might be pre-mature relief but I have a feeling I passed the sac today. All to say, I'll be even more surprised if I learn tomorrow my hcg levels are increasing. I don't think I'm facing an ectopic situation. Phew.

Hope this can be of some help to someone.

PS. Hubs gets back tomorrow night from his conference. We're thinking of going on a short holiday. A three- or four-nighter to some European capital. Leaving Saturday or Sunday. We haven't gone on a holiday in four years. Been working so hard. Think it's a good time... Rome? Prague? Bruges? Where should we go?


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## Finallytrying

You two should spend time together, I hope you start feeling better and your abdomen starts to relax if you have passed the sack. I wanted to know where my baby was hiding too because on my ultra sound it wasnt there, it is really confusing and I wish the dr would have explained where it could have. Hopefully everything happens the way you want it to and get the answers you are looking for from the dr


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## sowanted

So, Thursday's hcg level was 69. Down from Tuesday's 183. Maybe hcg levels decrease at the same rate (by half every two days)? Had another blood test this morning. Hope they call me with that result later today (and also if I need to go in on Monday again).

Hubs & I decided not to fly anywhere. Tentative plan is to go away somewhere in England Monday for a few days. I'm bleeding very little now and suspect soreness will continue to diminish but as it's all so fresh and unknown and still a bit scary I just don't have the courage to get on a plane and be away from the medical care I've benefitted from the past week or so. Prague another day. Not today.

Feeling less bloated but trousers still feel a bit tight. Still uncomfortable to lay flat on my back. Like things in my abdomen are stretching as I do. Guess it takes a while for things to get back to 'normal' physically (and no doubt longer emotionally). Yesterday, out of the blue, this thought popped into my head: Will our baby have been born with hair? Just so many things to wonder about now. Sigh.


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## samanthax

Hey girls! 
I have been reading this page now.. 
And I have tears down my face.. I just wanted to say. that i actually had a miscarrage (chemical i think) at 4weeks+3days and I'm here for you if you need to talk 

sorry to here 

:hugs: 
xxx


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## sowanted

Hi everyone.

A few updates and questions about my period (restarted today).

Important dates:
Feb 1: last menstrual period
Feb 14 or 15: when conception happened (first calculated attempt!)
March 1: hpt says pregnant
March 2: hpt says pregnant 
April 5 (9+1): started bleeding
April 9 (9+5): stopped bleeding (mostly)
April 10 (9+6): scan showed nothing in uterus other than thicker walls, hcg 183
April 12: hcg 69
April 14: hcg 30
April 20: hcg 7.8
April 21: hpt (sensitive to 15) says not pregnant
May 2: started period

The blood is early miscarriage blood not (my) period blood. Browny-rusty. Also a few tiny clots. Had none during miscarriage so that was a bit weird today... Felt very sad, actually, noticing them. Thinking they may have had a purpose which isn't needing to be fulfilled anymore. Strange, the things that go through one's mind.

Anyway...

Is it coincidence that I've started my period ~a month after miscarrying? Or does it just tend to happen 2 wks after the hcg is down to the not-pregnant range? Does this timing 'mean' anything to anyone? 

My periods are generally very predictable. In past three years, I'd say ~5 periods have not come on day 28. Once 24 (earliest ever), a couple at 27 days, one 29 (the latest ever). 

Would appreciate any information or experience you might have to offer.

Many thanks, as ever.


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