# Scared But Willing To Try



## Andypanda6570

Hi Everyone,
I am 40 will be 41 in June, I have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 and I got pregnant in November 2010 biggest surprise of my life!!!!!!! I was sooooo excited!!
I lost Ava at 18 weeks 9 weeks ago and I am still heartbroken. I want to try again but I am very scared and nervous, her tissue did not grow so they don't know why she died. My chances for Downs was 1-62 but they knew it was not that cause the Nuchal came out fine. My chances for Trisomy was 1-89 but he said it was not that either, he just thinks it was some kind of chromosomal abnormality, just does not know which one. I was wondering did you all 40 and over or even 35 and over get blood results back and what they were? If you are willing to share that of course. I know at 40 it's a risk but my need to try again is more and more stronger. My SIL also has 3 boys 15,12 and 8 and swore she was done and then after she found out I was pregnant she got pregnant 8 weeks later she is 36. After I lost Ava I was terrified of seeing her :cry: I cried and cried cause I didn't want to see her for Easter. One week before Easter she lost her baby also at 17 weeks :cry: I am in complete shock over this and I can't believe it happened to the both of us, what were the chances ? I gave birth to Ava in my bathroom and I thank God she came out that way. I was set up for a D and E and never heard of it, i heard of a D and C but not a D and E, well the night before the doctor inserts what they call seaweed up you to open your cervix before the operation, this operation is horrid and I didn't know what it was , everyone else knew but would not tell me, the nurse told me they would have explained it before I went in for it. Well, Ava didn't want to wait she came out on her own in my house and we held her and buried her on March 11th/My SIL did get that operation D and E and said she thinks that is healthier than what happened to me ??????? I was like what> A D and E is when they put you under anesthesia and pull the baby part by part from you :cry: this has to be done after 15 weeks cause they don't offer a pill to have a natural birth and they say if you do you could be there for hours or even days , it took me 2 hours to have Ava. So how can she say her way was healthier? Her way there is a risk of puncturing your uterus and other things, which you have to sign papers for before hand. I thought it was cruel of her to say that to me , I said maybe for you it was better but for me ,I got to hold Ava and I have a place to go every single day and talk to her. She gets me so mad sometimes with her stupid comments.
Any way that is my story and I was wondering how you all made out with your blood tests? 
Congrats to all! I wish you all a great pregnancy and many years of happiness :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## joanne40

Hi :wave:
Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss. I cant even begin to imagine how that feels, so forgive me.
My bloods came back as 1/1000, which I was quite pleased about. My nuchal was 1.77mm, and nothing obviously wrong showed up at 20 week scan, so I guess its just a waiting game now to see if she is ok, which I hope she is.
My friend who was 42 in Nov had a boy in January, and her bloods came back as 1/16000!! So I worried for a bit that mine were risky :wacko:
I hope this helps, and all the very best to you xxx
Jo xxx


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## knitbit

I am really sorry for your loss. I think everyone processes grief a little differently, so I would try to filter what she says in terms of that. Because she had a D&E, she wants to believe it is the better option. Medically, a D&E is really safe (I had one back in Nov) and is safer than induction. I'm sure that giving birth naturally is safest, but it's emotional impact would probably depend on the individual. It sounds like giving birth to Ava was the right thing for you. I'm really glad you got to say goodbye to your sweet angel.


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## Fallen Angel

Hey hon, so, so, sorry you had to go through that, how horrific :cry: you'll never forget little Ava though and the hurt will subside in time hopefully, but you will never forget.

Try and not take your sister's comments the wrong way, you are both grieving and you will both grieve differently.

I only had the downs test which came back clear, so can't offer any advice on any other tests I'm afraid.

It's stories like yours that makes us realise we can't take anything for granted.

You sound like a strong lady and I hope you get through this with your baby in your arms at the end of it love :hugs: xxx


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## oldmamamia

really sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss, ive suffered 2 miscarriages in the past, 1 at 7wks and 1 at 12wks and it doesnt matter how far gone you are its your baby and heartbreaking every time.

my consultant told me that at our age just walking through the door for your N>T scan gives you an automatic risk factor of 1 in 150 for downs etc.

my nuchal was 3.9mm so high risk and my bloods have given me a risk of 1 in 210 so still considered high risk but for me after the initial worry that means if i put myself in a room with 209 pregnant women only 1 of us will have a baby with downs so to me i can handle those odds.

My baby is going to be born with problems but they are not age related, its to do with my thyroid and antibodies passed to baby, hes going to need special care and lots of treatment although they cant tell us how severe until he's born and they start testing him, whatever happens we will deal with it and get through it.

please dont give up hope, women of 45 and 46 are having healthy babies every day and if and when you feel strong enough to try again i really hope it works out for you.

sending love and hugs across the atlantic xxx


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## Andypanda6570

oldmamamia said:


> really sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss, ive suffered 2 miscarriages in the past, 1 at 7wks and 1 at 12wks and it doesnt matter how far gone you are its your baby and heartbreaking every time.
> 
> my consultant told me that at our age just walking through the door for your N>T scan gives you an automatic risk factor of 1 in 150 for downs etc.
> 
> my nuchal was 3.9mm so high risk and my bloods have given me a risk of 1 in 210 so still considered high risk but for me after the initial worry that means if i put myself in a room with 209 pregnant women only 1 of us will have a baby with downs so to me i can handle those odds.
> 
> My baby is going to be born with problems but they are not age related, its to do with my thyroid and antibodies passed to baby, hes going to need special care and lots of treatment although they cant tell us how severe until he's born and they start testing him, whatever happens we will deal with it and get through it.
> 
> please dont give up hope, women of 45 and 46 are having healthy babies every day and if and when you feel strong enough to try again i really hope it works out for you.
> 
> sending love and hugs across the atlantic xxx

I also have a thyroid problem but I take synthroid and it was always in check when I was pregnant. Does this mean what is happening to you can happen to me? I thought it was fine as long as your thyroid was checked and your dose was always correct?
Thank You i xoxox


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## Misty

I couldn't read and run, just wanted to send you ((((hugs)))) and strength and love. 

I have 3 boys too, almost 16, 13 and 11. I had an ectopic in 2007, so I only have one tube left.
I was overjoyed to be expecting again, but lost my daughter Amy Sophia in 2009. It was the worst day of my life. I truly hit rock bottom. My Amy had Trisomy 13, her NT was bigger than it should be, and the bloods weren't right either. Her risk was 1 in 23. Her abnormaliities were incompatible with life. She never even had a chance. I miss her every day. :(

I am very lucky to be pregnant again now. We are expecting a baby boy. :) I'll be 40 this year, and was worried when it came to the testing this time. This baby doesn't have any chromosomal problems this time. We were just 'very unlucky' last time. The blood results and NT this time gave me a risk of 1 in 13,000!

Unfortunately we do have the added issue of myself and my DH both being carriers for cystic fibrosis. Our 11 y/o has CF, and we have found out that this baby has CF too. We just have to stay positive and hope for a cure one day.

I've rambled on enough! I don't think I've even managed to help! Im just wanted you to know that I understand and I am sending lots of love. Keep strong honey. :hugs:

I don't think your sister meant to be hurtful. Sometimes those close to us say the most awful things. My mother and brother have said really heartless things, but I know it wasn't meant in a nasty way, they are just idiots sometimes! :dohh:


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## oldmamamia

Andypanda6570 said:


> oldmamamia said:
> 
> 
> really sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss, ive suffered 2 miscarriages in the past, 1 at 7wks and 1 at 12wks and it doesnt matter how far gone you are its your baby and heartbreaking every time.
> 
> my consultant told me that at our age just walking through the door for your N>T scan gives you an automatic risk factor of 1 in 150 for downs etc.
> 
> my nuchal was 3.9mm so high risk and my bloods have given me a risk of 1 in 210 so still considered high risk but for me after the initial worry that means if i put myself in a room with 209 pregnant women only 1 of us will have a baby with downs so to me i can handle those odds.
> 
> My baby is going to be born with problems but they are not age related, its to do with my thyroid and antibodies passed to baby, hes going to need special care and lots of treatment although they cant tell us how severe until he's born and they start testing him, whatever happens we will deal with it and get through it.
> 
> please dont give up hope, women of 45 and 46 are having healthy babies every day and if and when you feel strong enough to try again i really hope it works out for you.
> 
> sending love and hugs across the atlantic xxx
> 
> I also have a thyroid problem but I take synthroid and it was always in check when I was pregnant. Does this mean what is happening to you can happen to me? I thought it was fine as long as your thyroid was checked and your dose was always correct?
> Thank You i xoxoxClick to expand...

im not sure, i had been feeling really shitty for a few mths prior to falling pregnant and for the 1st 12wks into my pregnancy but i was working long hours as a chef and had alot of home stress to deal with aswell, it was only at my booking in appointment when i spoke to the doc about how ill i felt that he ran aload of of extra bloods and discovered the overactive thyroid problem, i think for a women my age my T3 score should have been 3 to 6 and mine was 18.9! the problems with babe have happened as ive been producing antibodies which have passsed through the placenta and caused his thyroid to go into overdrive, im having regular weekly growth scans which show his head and tummy are well over the 100th percentile, off the scale infact with a huge amount of fluid, when hes born they will whisk him straight off to special care to start testing, best case scenario is they will just have to regulate his thyroid through daily injections , worst case will be growth and brain development problems, no one can reallly give us a definate answer just a waiting game now but they are delivering 2 to 3wks early at the end of this month so not long to wait. i think those first 12 wks of no treatment is when the damage initially happened.

just keep your thyroid appointments, when you are pregnant you should be having alot more appointments and blood tests with your specialist, mine thinks my misscarriage last yr was done to the thyroid.


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## Andypanda6570

oldmamamia said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> oldmamamia said:
> 
> 
> really sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss, ive suffered 2 miscarriages in the past, 1 at 7wks and 1 at 12wks and it doesnt matter how far gone you are its your baby and heartbreaking every time.
> 
> my consultant told me that at our age just walking through the door for your N>T scan gives you an automatic risk factor of 1 in 150 for downs etc.
> 
> my nuchal was 3.9mm so high risk and my bloods have given me a risk of 1 in 210 so still considered high risk but for me after the initial worry that means if i put myself in a room with 209 pregnant women only 1 of us will have a baby with downs so to me i can handle those odds.
> 
> My baby is going to be born with problems but they are not age related, its to do with my thyroid and antibodies passed to baby, hes going to need special care and lots of treatment although they cant tell us how severe until he's born and they start testing him, whatever happens we will deal with it and get through it.
> 
> please dont give up hope, women of 45 and 46 are having healthy babies every day and if and when you feel strong enough to try again i really hope it works out for you.
> 
> sending love and hugs across the atlantic xxx
> 
> I also have a thyroid problem but I take synthroid and it was always in check when I was pregnant. Does this mean what is happening to you can happen to me? I thought it was fine as long as your thyroid was checked and your dose was always correct?
> Thank You i xoxoxClick to expand...
> 
> im not sure, i had been feeling really shitty for a few mths prior to falling pregnant and for the 1st 12wks into my pregnancy but i was working long hours as a chef and had alot of home stress to deal with aswell, it was only at my booking in appointment when i spoke to the doc about how ill i felt that he ran aload of of extra bloods and discovered the overactive thyroid problem, i think for a women my age my T3 score should have been 3 to 6 and mine was 18.9! the problems with babe have happened as ive been producing antibodies which have passsed through the placenta and caused his thyroid to go into overdrive, im having regular weekly growth scans which show his head and tummy are well over the 100th percentile, off the scale infact with a huge amount of fluid, when hes born they will whisk him straight off to special care to start testing, best case scenario is they will just have to regulate his thyroid through daily injections , worst case will be growth and brain development problems, no one can reallly give us a definate answer just a waiting game now but they are delivering 2 to 3wks early at the end of this month so not long to wait. i think those first 12 wks of no treatment is when the damage initially happened.
> 
> just keep your thyroid appointments, when you are pregnant you should be having alot more appointments and blood tests with your specialist, mine thinks my misscarriage last yr was done to the thyroid.Click to expand...

I am so sorry you are going through this, but thank you so so much for helping me with my question. I wish you all the best..if you ever need to talk I am around xoxoxoxox :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## oldmamamia

Andypanda6570 said:


> oldmamamia said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> oldmamamia said:
> 
> 
> really sorry to hear of your heartbreaking loss, ive suffered 2 miscarriages in the past, 1 at 7wks and 1 at 12wks and it doesnt matter how far gone you are its your baby and heartbreaking every time.
> 
> my consultant told me that at our age just walking through the door for your N>T scan gives you an automatic risk factor of 1 in 150 for downs etc.
> 
> my nuchal was 3.9mm so high risk and my bloods have given me a risk of 1 in 210 so still considered high risk but for me after the initial worry that means if i put myself in a room with 209 pregnant women only 1 of us will have a baby with downs so to me i can handle those odds.
> 
> My baby is going to be born with problems but they are not age related, its to do with my thyroid and antibodies passed to baby, hes going to need special care and lots of treatment although they cant tell us how severe until he's born and they start testing him, whatever happens we will deal with it and get through it.
> 
> please dont give up hope, women of 45 and 46 are having healthy babies every day and if and when you feel strong enough to try again i really hope it works out for you.
> 
> sending love and hugs across the atlantic xxx
> 
> I also have a thyroid problem but I take synthroid and it was always in check when I was pregnant. Does this mean what is happening to you can happen to me? I thought it was fine as long as your thyroid was checked and your dose was always correct?
> Thank You i xoxoxClick to expand...
> 
> im not sure, i had been feeling really shitty for a few mths prior to falling pregnant and for the 1st 12wks into my pregnancy but i was working long hours as a chef and had alot of home stress to deal with aswell, it was only at my booking in appointment when i spoke to the doc about how ill i felt that he ran aload of of extra bloods and discovered the overactive thyroid problem, i think for a women my age my T3 score should have been 3 to 6 and mine was 18.9! the problems with babe have happened as ive been producing antibodies which have passsed through the placenta and caused his thyroid to go into overdrive, im having regular weekly growth scans which show his head and tummy are well over the 100th percentile, off the scale infact with a huge amount of fluid, when hes born they will whisk him straight off to special care to start testing, best case scenario is they will just have to regulate his thyroid through daily injections , worst case will be growth and brain development problems, no one can reallly give us a definate answer just a waiting game now but they are delivering 2 to 3wks early at the end of this month so not long to wait. i think those first 12 wks of no treatment is when the damage initially happened.
> 
> just keep your thyroid appointments, when you are pregnant you should be having alot more appointments and blood tests with your specialist, mine thinks my misscarriage last yr was done to the thyroid.Click to expand...
> 
> I am so sorry you are going through this, but thank you so so much for helping me with my question. I wish you all the best..if you ever need to talk I am around xoxoxoxox :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

and im here for you too xxxxx


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## Fallen Angel

Andypanda and Oldmamamia I wish you both the very best of luck in the future xxx


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## Andypanda6570

Fallen Angel said:


> Andypanda and Oldmamamia I wish you both the very best of luck in the future xxx

Thank you SO much. xoxoxoxo :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## ciarhwyfar

They didn't give the percentages, only said that testing was negative. Sorry I couldn't be more help.


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