# The puberty talk?



## proudparent88

So when I was ten I got my first period at school in gym class with a male teacher it was terrifying even though my mom had told me about it so I wouldn't be so shocked but I was still so scared. Then tonight I was talking to my aunt my niece who is 12 got hers the day after her bday for the very first time thing is her mom never told her anything about it. She didn't know what to do and was dealing with it the best she could trying to hide it terrified not knowing what was happening to her. She was using toilet paper to catch the blood and had to keep running back and forth to the bathroom which her dad who has some problems and things didn't understand why she kept going back and forth and neither could her grandmother when they went there later one of her younger sisters found out and told their mom who then decided to explain it to her! I was shocked she didn't at least talk to her about her changing body that alone had to be scary for her let alone starting her period and not knowing what to do and things. 

Here is my question if you saw your daughters body making the puberty changes would you explain what is to come or let them find out themselves? If you would talk to them what would you tell them?

Mother's with son's how would you handle this I am going to have three boys and I dread when this time comes I feel that with them puberty isn't as devastating as it is with a girl because they don't have the bleeding. But would you still have a talk with them about their changing body and what would you tell them?


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## messica

My daughter learned a good chunk about the birds and the bees at the end of her 4th grade year (she was 10, now soon to be 11). Being in the middle of farm country here she knew a great deal about animal reproduction already but didn't put two and two together that that's sort of how people go about things too. Before school let out for the summer they called all the girls in and explained menstruation and why it happens....hormonal changes, puberty and all that jazz. I finished out the rest of the conversation over the next week or so as more questions surfaced. I thought the timing was good for her, but also realize all kids are different and will be ready for that at different times. 

My son on the other hand started school this fall at the age of just turned 9 and showed his first real interest in a girl. Like, to the point where his crush was distracting him in school. He asked me one day when it was ok to "date a girl" and how one goes about starting that process and that's when I sat him down and gave a very brief overview (when you're old enough to get a job and make your own money you can talk to me about taking a respectable girl out to a movie...meet her dad...treat her with respect and kindness etc). When that failed to deter him and his teacher said this girl was equally interested so it was starting to effect their school work I finally laid it all out....including what the girls father may be thinking about his daughter engaging in a relationship with a boy at this age. I put the two and two together for him like I did for my daughter in regards to critters courting, why they do that and what it leads to and it TOTALLY put him off all girls completely. 

I realize it won't work forever but for the moment anyway he's back on track with school, he has every intention to wait to date until he's in his 30's or longer (his words) much less let another girl get even near him for the forseeable future. He was however thrilled to learn that he's well on his way to growing a beard someday, and bigger muscles because he's a pretty tall lanky guy as of late. Not a perfect introduction and result, but I'll take it lol


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## lillypad123

We have a new course going through my sons school, it is awesome, it is about being honest and telling the truth, they basicly said if we as parents didnt talk to them about puberty and the changes then they will learn from friends and wouldnt it be better they get the right info from us then be told something that may not be right?
Being upfrount and knowlageable is the best way, its not embarrising as we all went through it , im excited for my 6 year old comes and asks me stuff, i am so prepared now


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## proudparent88

I want to have the talk with my boys when they get to that age I just don't know what I would say and honestly I am not really sure I know what all happens to them when puberty starts other than they grow hairier than they normally are lol :haha: but I guess I am going to have to do some homework even though i have years before this part comes but I want to know I am prepared I am sure it will be just as awkward for them as it will be for me if not more for me :haha: My boys are ages 2 and 4 and Zachary is due May 29th so literally a long time away before I have this talk but after my son asked me how my baby got in my belly I felt like I was not schooled enough in the subject to really say anything.


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## NerdyMama

I definitely will be talking to my kids about puberty. There is so much that happens to both sexes that can awkward and scary. Menstruation for girls wet dreams and surprise erections for boys, plus boys get the glory of having their voice crack lol. I will start speaking to them around 7ish and get age appropriate books on the subject like my mom did. That helped tons because it answered the really awkward questions I didn't want to ask! My friends mom never told her about her period so when she got it she thought she was literally dying and I would hate for that to happen to any child. It's disturbing enough knowing what is going on. However I will also be bringing up cramps, my mom forgot about that one and on my first day of my period I thought I had a tummy ache so I took a lot of pepto bismol lmao little did I know!


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## proudparent88

NerdyMama said:


> I definitely will be talking to my kids about puberty. There is so much that happens to both sexes that can awkward and scary. Menstruation for girls wet dreams and surprise erections for boys, plus boys get the glory of having their voice crack lol. I will start speaking to them around 7ish and get age appropriate books on the subject like my mom did. That helped tons because it answered the really awkward questions I didn't want to ask! My friends mom never told her about her period so when she got it she thought she was literally dying and I would hate for that to happen to any child. It's disturbing enough knowing what is going on. However I will also be bringing up cramps, my mom forgot about that one and on my first day of my period I thought I had a tummy ache so I took a lot of pepto bismol lmao little did I know!

Well for me I have always had problems with a weak bladder and it leaking when I would cough well when I hit puberty I gained a ton of weight so gym class was horrible I would cough and my bladder would leak. Thinking this was what was happening it wasn't until I went to the bathroom after and found blood it was terrifying even when my mom had told me about it. I went straight to the nurse and talked to her she told me what was happening gave me a pad and called my mom to pick me up from school. I still don't know why I had to be picked up from school over something so trivial....I mean everyone says it's a part of life. It wasn't until the following year when I was in fifth grade that they had us watch a movie about it. With the growth hormones in things we ingest these days puberty hits earlier all the time and I feel schools should touch base on it sooner than what they are now I think some schools don't even talk about that as much as stressing safe sex anymore. 

Where can I get information to prep myself to start these talks with my kids what books are good any videos on youtube? I will use anything and everything because I will need all the help I get and my OH says the boys can find out about puberty and the changes they way he did by just letting it happen. I can't imagine letting any child go through that! It is devestating to have such a change just happen and not know what is happening with your body!


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## seoj

I absolutely talked to my SD about her body changes- never a big deal. She asked questions though- and I was always honest (age appropriate) with her. My Mom was the same- and when my SD was about 9yrs old, my hubby (because he was a single Dad with full custody and his daughter rarely saw her mom) he actually bought her a book about her body changes. So she could read it and he didn't have to sit and talk with her as much- although he would have. I'm sure he was somewhat grateful I came along soon after so that his daughter had me to talk to about girl stuff ;) 

My single friend is also very open with her son (since he really never see's his dad) and she's had those talks with him too. 

I can't imagine how scary it would be to discover that and not know why it was happening... eesh.


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## NerdyMama

I don't remember the name of the book I got when I was younger which sucks even called my mom to see if she remembered lol there is one that is recommended "what's happening to me?" Comes in girls and boys editions. Also there is a show called degrassi that is made for teens. Covers periods, sex, depression, erections, cutting, you name a teen issue they cover it. Plus its just a fun drama show that kids like. Heck I still watch it at 26! Lol other than that I'm always w honesty is the best policy. If you can't answer a question look it up together. I was always open with my mom from periods to lumps in my breasts and to this day because I know she'll listen and help me understand. Oh and interesting factoid ( though hormones in our food is appaling among all the other disgusting stuff in iur food) its actually that we as a species have more fat reserves now and that causes early puberty. Usually girls who are in gymnastics who don't have an ounce of fat on them end up with puberty later. The fat reserves tells the body that we can provide for a baby. I thought that was odd and interesting! :)


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## alicecooper

I'm yet to have the talk about sex with my kids. That hasn't happened yet.

However I'm very open about other aspects of puberty. Periods, growing breasts, growing body hair etc. My DD sees me naked when I'm getting changed, and thinks nothing of barging into the bathroom to use the toilet when I'm in the shower for example, so a woman's body is not an alien thing to her. I'm perfectly comfortable for example yelling her to bring me some sanitary towels from the cupboard when I go to the toilet and find I've come on my period without realising. She has known about all that kind of stuff since as long as she can remember, it's not a big deal.

My DH has jokingly told anecdotes about when he and his friends were going through puberty and their voices broke before, so my boys know to expect that.

Anything more..."sexual"...urges, masturbation, sex etc. Have not yet been discussed. Not entirely sure when those types of conversations will come up but frankly I don't see the need yet. My DD is 8 and a half but doesn't fancy boys yet. I think when she starts mentioning crushes on lads in school, or things like that, I'll probably sit her down and go through the birds and the bees talk. Right now though she isn't at that stage. 
Obviously if she raised any questions I'd answer them, but she isn't asking any.

My boys are 6 and under. I don't think they're anywhere near the birds and the bees stage for discussions yet as far as it goes.


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## Abigailly

For me, the birds and the bees talk is a whole different talk to the 'what happens to your body' talk. Mainly because my mother, sister and I have all started our periods under the age of 10 and a half. So puberty never came along with sex. 

I don't ever plan to have to have a big talk with DD on puberty etc. I plan to always be as open and honest about things as we are now. She's only 4 yet she knows about the basics of things like periods. The time she acknowledged me changing a sanitary towel we spoke about it in brief. And that all girls get them and when roughly they do. She knows about boobs and what we have them for. She knows why we have pubic hair and she doesn't. I figured if I keep talking to her about them throughout her life when they eventually happen they won't be too scary for her. 

It's how my mum was with us and I remember the minute I got mine. My mum made a huge deal of it, we went out for lunch, we went on a special shop to buy me my own products and a special little case so that I could keep spares in my school bag. She did the same with my first bra. We went out just her and I and chose me a few.
It was her way of giving me a chance to talk about it and acknowledging that something that felt momentous to me.

I think with boys, it's much harder as it's much more gradual. But my advice would be keep it out in the open. Continuously talk about it.

I would never not tell DD about it. It's a difficult enough time as it is, hormones and emotions flying everywhere, without suddenly bleeding and getting boobs without warning.


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## NerdyMama

Abigailly said:


> For me, the birds and the bees talk is a whole different talk to the 'what happens to your body' talk. Mainly because my mother, sister and I have all started our periods under the age of 10 and a half. So puberty never came along with sex.
> 
> I don't ever plan to have to have a big talk with DD on puberty etc. I plan to always be as open and honest about things as we are now. She's only 4 yet she knows about the basics of things like periods. The time she acknowledged me changing a sanitary towel we spoke about it in brief. And that all girls get them and when roughly they do. She knows about boobs and what we have them for. She knows why we have pubic hair and she doesn't. I figured if I keep talking to her about them throughout her life when they eventually happen they won't be too scary for her.
> 
> It's how my mum was with us and I remember the minute I got mine. My mum made a huge deal of it, we went out for lunch, we went on a special shop to buy me my own products and a special little case so that I could keep spares in my school bag. She did the same with my first bra. We went out just her and I and chose me a few.
> It was her way of giving me a chance to talk about it and acknowledging that something that felt momentous to me.
> 
> I think with boys, it's much harder as it's much more gradual. But my advice would be keep it out in the open. Continuously talk about it.
> 
> I would never not tell DD about it. It's a difficult enough time as it is, hormones and emotions flying everywhere, without suddenly bleeding and getting boobs without warning.

I sincerely love that approach! I want to do a girly day with my DD when she has her first period! It is monumentous the first time you feel so grown up lol oh if only the excitement of having your period keeps up like it was the first time lmao


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## Rachel_C

I don't think we'll ever really have 'the talk' as I try to be open and honest with the girls now. So they see my cloth pads hanging to dry - if they ask what they are, I tell them. They come in the bathroom with me quite often so they've seen me changing pads and asked about it, so I told them very big girls (they're only 4 and 2!) and ladies bleed every month when their body has practised getting ready for a baby and to keep their insides healthy. My youngest is BF so we're quite open about boobs too - they know they have nipples like daddy but when girls get bigger they grow boobs like mummy.

My mum was great about the talk but I still found it really embarrassing and I didn't really know what to expect even though she did tell me. I guess seeing is believing really! So I want to avoid doing that if I can, and just let it be something they've always known. 

In regard to sex, we talk about flowers and how they make seeds and we've touched on the same ideas when my oldest asked about babies with 'daddy putting a seed in mummy's tummy'. We'll just expand on that as they get older. 

I suppose with boys it would be different with their body changes but I would take the same approach and hopefully get OH to talk more about things... and I'd want to be just as open about periods because I hate how boys sometimes tease girls and the views some men (and some women!) have about them.


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## Tacey

I'm with the others, in that there won't be 'the talk'. It will just happen over time. Alice is 4 and already knows about periods, as she sometimes sees me with my menstrual cup. She knows I bleed once a month because the cushioning in my womb isn't needed as there's no baby there. She currently knows nothing about sex, other than the physical male/female difference, but I'll answer her questions as they come up. She knows about birth because we watched a lot of videos before Arthur was born in case she was awake during the birth (she wasn't).

I imagine things will be the same with Arthur. He'll know about periods too, and we'll explain erections etc. as he asks.

Being open, and unashamed is the best way to foster a healthy body image and attitude to sex I think.


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## messica

Tacey said:


> Being open, and unashamed is the best way to foster a healthy body image and attitude to sex I think.


I completely agree with this statement :thumbup:


And Rachel_C - your pollination talk reminded me of a fluke zucchini and pumpkin cross pollination that occurred in our family garden that we too used to further discuss the matter. Made it easy to describe how seeds sprout and flower, and male and female parts need to come together to produce veg, sometimes that includes the "mating" of different varieties! Same with flowers. Same with critters (even as very young toddlers they witnessed couplings on various farms belonging to family as well as pregnancy, birth, and death). Same with people. There was never one set talk about it, just a gradual progression and as a result there hasn't been any embarrassment or shame - just a healthy knowledge that grows as we go :)


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## Ariellee234

I haven't personality had the talk, but this article has some helpful informationLet’s talk puberty!.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Old thread. Reported


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## Rags

My Ds is 10 and has known about how babies are made since he first asked at 2 and a half how a baby get into a woman's tummy. I started by explaining that 2 seeds bump into each other, each with half the information to make a baby, a couple of weeks later he asked where the seeds come from, I explained that a woman has hers inside her from when she's first made and the other one comes from a man. Ds was conceived with AI and donor sperm so I wanted him to understand that most of the time the mans seed comes from the daddy but in his case it was given to a hospital by a man who wanted to help others... anyway, over the next few months - and only answering the questions he asked - he learned the science of conception, pregnancy and childbirth. When he was 3 he asked what me tampons were, I told him that each month a woman's body makes a comfortable lining, like a nest, in case a fertilised egg needs somewhere cosy to grow, and that if it isn't needed it leaves the body (hence the tampon) so that a fresh one is ready the next month. He explained this to his big cousin, 4 years older. 
As you can see I'm a big believer in being open about the way our bodies work. I feel that it's very important that boys understand what is happening to the girls around them, one day they will have partners, daughters and female colleagues (and a menopausal mum!) anything I can do to help him understand himself and the woman he is around can only help.


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## Ariellee234

OnErth&InHvn said:


> Old thread. Reported

you go girl! I'm sorry, but just because it's an old thread doesn't mean people don't see it. It could be helpful info for other people who have the same question. Thanks for reporting it though!


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## loeylo

Ariellee234 said:


> you go girl! I'm sorry, but just because it's an old thread doesn't mean people don't see it. It could be helpful info for other people who have the same question. Thanks for reporting it though!

... it was you they reported


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## impatient1

I started talking to my daughter about periods around the age of 8.5 and trying to normalize it for her. Sometimes I tell her that I need her to watch her toddler brother so I can have some privacy in the bathroom or that I am having stomach cramps. My mom hadnt talked to me about it before and I wasn't properly prepared for it even though I started late.


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## Rags

It must be such a scary thing to happen if you aren't expecting it at all!! Your daughter is fortunate to have a more open mum.


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