# What do you think of this plan?



## AutumnRose

Since OH lives in America, he would get a full time job over there and visit whenever he could get time off.
When baby is here and im on mat leave he will pay all of the mortgage/rent
and i will pay the bills and baby stuff.
Then once my mat leave runs out, i will go to work part time and he would still pay the mortgage/rent.
Do you think this is a good plan?
Also, would i be classed as single since he lives in another country?


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## Kirstin

Currency fluctuations could make it a very unstable plan.


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## Berniep

I think that sounds like a plan, not sure on whether you would be classed as single in terms of claiming child tax credits etc but i suppose he does live in another country and the money he pays once a month for rent/mortgage could be child maintanence plus he's paying rent/mortgage for his own home so i don't see why you couldn't classed as a single parent financially if you know what i mean x


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## leeanne

Quite honestly, I seriously think that you should wait on TTCing until you are both in the same country. I can't see how this plan will work.


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## Pinkgirl

HHHMMMM a hard situation hun. 
I thought you and OH wanted to live together?


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## leeanne

Pinkgirl said:


> HHHMMMM a hard situation hun.
> I thought you and OH wanted to live together?

I thought they were going to live together next December.

I have a question, have both of you actually met in person? If so, how many times?


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## princess_bump

it is such a hard situation honey, and i can not imagine how hard it is for you, but i do agree you should probably live together, at least in the same country before ttc. having a baby is tough in any circumstance, so i wouldn't want to put added pressure on you. of course it will always be your decision but it is something to think about :hugs: x


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## cocokitten

would it be a long term thing? have you thought how that could affect a child?
obviously you're very broody as we can all understand but are you sure you want to have 'his' children? i have always been broody but for me having a child is dependent on the partner and i really want to have babies specifically with my OH iykwim.
lots to think about :)


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## welshlass

Do you not want to spend time together as a couple before having a baby ? I know you are a couple and know him well but its also about physically experiencing things together like visiting places and meals together etc etc - all hard to do when a baby comes. So as the others say would be a good idea to live together before TTC.

Have you looked into all the legal aspects of what nationality the baby will be and what you need to be able to live together ? 

I know its something you really really want to do but I think it needs more looking into both legally and financially to see what is the best plan. And if it is going to take him 8 months before he comes to meet you for the first time can you be confident he can and will be able to visit on a regular basis if you have a baby ?


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## Cinnamon

I have lots of questions:

Supposing you have already thought about if he is "the ONE" and you both have the same plans for sure and will keep up with your part of the plan. Then:

Are you planning on living together at some point and if so when?
Will OH earn enough as to be able to not only be paying for rent but also be paying for food/doctors if necessary?
Are you aware that in the worst case you might have to bring your child up on your own?
Do you have help (family/friends).
Considering family and friends are closer to you than us, what do they think?

I am a single child, I would have liked to have my father but unfortuately he died when I was 3 months old. That led to my mum bringing me up on her own and she did a fantastic job! I learnt to be responsible and outgoing, values that make the person I am now and I wouldn't have been the same without that. With this I am trying to say that both parents is the ideal, but a child brought up by a single parent can be just as successfull in life as any other child and just as loved too. Also we have no family whatsoever here in Tenerife, but she still made it to work and have me in control and well at all times. 

I will be working half time when pg, just like now, because that's the contract I was offered and I will enjoy it as I will get lot's of time with LO and will only have to find someone to take care while at work. Hopefully my mum. We don't get much income but we will make sure we can pay for all the basics when TTC. 

Here in Spain, I think your situation counts as single parent as a friend of mine just had a baby and is getting state money for her baby while living together with OH. They're not married and that's why it's coming through. 

Will look forward to your answers, ;). xxxxx


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## welshlass

In the UK you don;t need to be married to be a partner just to live together which the gov check by looking at what names are on the bills etc. But you can cheat the system and pretend they don't live with you. But not sure what would happen if they were in another country and you never lived together before


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## Wobbles

https://www.babyandbump.com/waiting-to-try/129587-cannot-wait-til-dec.html

I'm interested in the answer to one someone asked and thats ...I thought you were planning on being together fulltime because your ppartner was moving here.

This imo is a very DODGY situation.


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## AutumnRose

What is dodgy?


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## Always&amp;4ever

I can't see how it would work either hun, my husband is away more then he is here, and its extremly hard, and it will only get harder once you have a baby


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## Pinkgirl

Just wondered hun how long with OH be here in December?


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## AutumnRose

He will be here hopefully for either 3 or 6 months.


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## samzi

hope it works out the way you want..does seem a bit fast moving though but each to their own.


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## Wobbles

AutumnRose said:


> What is dodgy?

Planning a baby with someone you have never met and this 'situation' ...I find it unhealthy :D


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## AutumnRose

I know, but i have social phobia and its the only way i feel comfortable with meeting someone.


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## Vesta

Wobbles said:


> https://www.babyandbump.com/waiting-to-try/129587-cannot-wait-til-dec.html

That thread seems to have dissapeared?


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## Kirstin

Still TTC with someone you haven't even met or wont even be living with you or the baby is extremely odd and not really fair on the baby.


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## Always&amp;4ever

Vesta said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> https://www.babyandbump.com/waiting-to-try/129587-cannot-wait-til-dec.html
> 
> That thread seems to have dissapeared?Click to expand...

I think either Admin or one of the mods have deleted it :)


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## Xanthe

AutumnRose said:


> I know, but i have social phobia and its the only way i feel comfortable with meeting someone.


What is he turns out to be deranged? Hardly going to do wonders for your social phobia is it??

I think you need counselling to deal with all your problems before attempting to bring a poor baby into a world with someone you have never even met before. Totally bonkers.


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## Wobbles

Ive removed it to review - nothing for anyone to worry about. It just said her OH was moving to UK in December.

I understand that chatting to people online is comfortable for some because they do not make friends easily but hun this is a risky riskyyyyyyyyyyy situation ...sorry to the guy I know hes on here but I worry for the woman who will have his baby and take a word for it that he will live elsewhere and always provide for you!!


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## AutumnRose

Its only for 3 years until he can live here permenantly.


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## Always&amp;4ever

I agree with Wobbs


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## samzi

why not wait until hes living here properly and THEN ttc?


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## Always&amp;4ever

AutumnRose said:


> Its only for 3 years until he can live here permenantly.

3 years is an awfully long time though hon, it wouldn't be nice on him to be away from his baby (when you have one) I know what its like to not have your partner with you for big events, Rich has missed most of Jasmine's milestones and it ain't very nice for them :hugs:


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## Vesta

Jazzy said:


> Vesta said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> https://www.babyandbump.com/waiting-to-try/129587-cannot-wait-til-dec.html
> 
> That thread seems to have dissapeared?Click to expand...
> 
> I think either Admin or one of the mods have deleted it :)Click to expand...

Ah! I see. That would make sense. 

Reading further on I can see that Wobbles confirms what you were saying.


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## Mervs Mum

Oh honey :hugs:

I'm sure that your social phobia is also part of why you think this is an acceptable plan. I'm sorry babe but if you talked to people in real life you would find most of them would say you were nuts.

I met my eldests Dad in person and we moved in quickly, got engaged, married, TTC, had my eldest and it fell apart when she was just 2. She was affected very badly by the whole thing. I was warned by my parents repeatedly I was making a big mistake. The knew him and he was a nice guy. Infact my mum said he was the son she never had BUT it STILL didnt work out. It does for some but the odds were stacked against us AND we had met. 

Think - think hard.


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## princess_bump

i never knew you had met him in rl before. i think meeting people over the net is great, but ttc with someone straight away is going to be hard honey. i do agree with wobbles, maybe spend some time together and once he's living in the same country you can sort out living together and ttc. i can't imagine how difficult it must being feeling the way you do about meeting people, but please remember having a baby is wonderful, but also difficult so imo having your situation as stable and sorted as possible is right for you and any future LO's :hugs: x x


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## bunnyg82

hey sweetie - I really think you are bringing a lot of burden on yourself if you carry on with this plan. Especially with your social phobia. If you have a new baby you would need to get it out and about and surely you need to have someone around to help with this. I know that there are many single mums out there that do a great job, but it's hard work and I am sure most would say they'd rather have someone to share the load with. To plan to live like this is quite drastic to say the least. I think the best situation would be to wait until you are living together.

As far as the part about would you be considered in a relationship for benefit purposes, if he's contributing like you say he will be, I do hope that you'd be considered as a relationship, but that's purely as a tax paying point of view. I understand the situation when people are single through no fault of their own, but when you are not single but just not living together, I don't see why you should get more help than me iykwim!?

I totally understand that this is the best way for you to meet someone, but having a child is a very very very big step and I think that for both of your sakes, you need to make sure that you get on well together irl - many people get on great until they move in together and stuff. I am not saying you won't get on at all, but you need to make sure that you are happy together before bringing a child into the world xx


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## FEDup1981

Before meeting my DH i met people from the net, and there was one particular person, who i thought was perfect, we spoke on the fone all the time, spoke on net for hours each night for months, we got on so well, had same sense of humour, in my mind id made plans to move in, daft stuff etc, and then i met him, and i was replused by him, even though id seen his pic. 
What im trying to say is, you cant call urself a couple, and commit to such plans until you have met, and know that the spark is there.


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## Cinnamon

Darling, I didn't know you hadn't met him and I think meeting him quite a few times and living together is important to know if he is "the ONE". This is the first thing you must get straight before even thinking about having a baby. xxxxxxxx


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## Wobbles

I was in a rush when looking through this earlier so Im sorry for short replies - I just think its a concerning situation for a woman if it at all happens. I've been online, chatrooms, communitys for a long time (none baby related) and have seen how vunerable people can be and also the end result of situations like these! They do happen but well mainly not and I worry for the fall you may be placing yourself in esspecially now you have mentioned your social phobia. Things can easily be taken advantage on ...again I am sorry to the guy who may read this but all things considered my concern lies with you not him.

Please think very carefully. Can a relationship become from people in different countries yes of course they can but they are not easy I can only imagine not and if baby happens this situation IS unhealthy and not stable for you and the LO you could bring in to the world. Its not easy when theres 2 parents in the same house ...what if you TTC baby bump and theres travelling back and forth from USA - What about when you need your partner for the birth? Babies come when they want to! I can't even imagine the emotional effects this could bring from beginning to end should it start!

Not picking on you or looking down on you - I'd voice concern for any woman who was planning to put herself in this situation!

x


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## Winter Belle

AutumnRose said:


> Since OH lives in America, he would get a full time job over there and visit whenever he could get time off.
> When baby is here and im on mat leave he will pay all of the mortgage/rent
> and i will pay the bills and baby stuff.
> Then once my mat leave runs out, i will go to work part time and he would still pay the mortgage/rent.
> Do you think this is a good plan?
> Also, would i be classed as single since he lives in another country?

Hi hun,

there is no doubting this is a very unusual situation and I can't help but err on the side of caution for your sake and future child.

Firstly, you say he "would get a full time job", so does that mean he is currently not working or working part time? (I'm sorry I don't know if you've mentioned background details in other threads). It doesn't sound like he is completely set financially at the moment to guarantee he can afford your rent/mortgage, let alone flights to and from UK. With the way UK and America are at the mo, finding jobs isn't so easy..

If you don't mind me asking, are you seeking treatment for the social phobia before TTC?... You will ultimately, be a single parent family and your social Phobia could prevent you from seeking help for you or baby if you need it in future. I don't know how strong your SP is and you might have a support network of family and friends around you so I don't mean to pry. 

Also there are other factors in TTC that you may need physical support on and he wont be there... for example, what if you don't fall pg in the first 6 months he is here?... what if you and OH need fertility tests/treatments?
What if you have multiples, or there are complications in any of the process and he can't fly over for a couple of months to be with you?.. I know some of these are really horrible things to imagine but it pays to be realistic and you may resent him being across the pond when things get stressful and you need him with you.

Obviously only you can decide on what is best for you. I can't help but feel that if your OH wants to be a dedicated father, he would want to be in the same country as his LO and his girlfriend to watch the boy or girl grow day by day and support the mother in the time and love that she needs. 

I guess you will know for sure when you see him in December but ultimately you are opting to be a single parent for at least 2 years and you OH is opting to be an absent father for 2 years. I know wtt is awful but maybe it is worth getting to know OH by travelling back and forth to USA for a few years and then he can move over to UK and ttc after that?

I hope things work out as you want.. If it was a friend of yours asking you the same advise what would you tell them?
:hug:


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## Rhi_Rhi1

hangon, im lost ..... hes going to come over here in december ? stay for 6 months, get u knocked up.... then leave ? AND you have never met? do any of you have jobs right now ? or are you going to wait until you are all ready pregnant to find jobs? 

and then you will be all alone to look after a newborn? ... 

How long have u "known" him for ? ... and not to sound horrid but why are u in such a rush? ive been reading you post/threads and i don't understand why .... ?? xx


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## Serene123

Only just read this :shock:

I didn't realise you haven't met your OH. Each to their own, but with your social phobia how are you going to bring up a baby on your own, go to baby groups, clinics ect?


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## Mitsuko

I'm afraid I have to agree with the majority here... Why not wait until you can actually live together and TTC then? It'll give you time to sort out the social issues and to learn to know him a bit more. 

There's nothing wrong with meeting people through the internet but as many said meeting in person and, a fortiori, living together can be real eyes opener!


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## AutumnRose

I am getting better and i will be fully recovered by the time we TTC. I am getting a job in a few months too and so is he. We are going to meet in Dec and talk about TTC first and the sacrifies we will both have to make, and if we are both fine with that we are going to TTC.


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## Serene123

AutumnRose said:


> I am getting better and i will be fully recovered by the time we TTC. I am getting a job in a few months too and so is he. We are going to meet in Dec and talk about TTC first and the sacrifies we will both have to make, and if we are both fine with that we are going to TTC.

Don't you want to be living with him first? Who in their right mind would choose to be a single mum?


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## coccyx

Madness.


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## AutumnRose

I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
Either way, my child will not go without.
I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.


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## Serene123

AutumnRose said:


> I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
> Either way, my child will not go without.
> I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

You *WILL* be a single mum. Rich is never here. He works in London and is there ALL the time. It's SO hard and I would never CHOOSE for it to be like this atall. If he was gone months at a time I'd probably have killed myself by now. It's hard having no one. No one to hand the baby over to when they've been screaming constantly for hours and you just don't know what's wrong. No one to have the baby when you're so knackered you can't possibley cope anymore..

I can't explain what having a baby is like to someone who doesn't have one because it's nothing like you expect it to be. There are great moments but it's HARD.


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## x_Rainbow_x

I can understand you really want a baby but you have to think when a baby comes along your life is never just yours anymore, if this man is all you say he is then dont you think your time should be concentrated on getting to no him in RL and spending quality time together, i no alot of mothers that say i wish wed had more time as a couple before we had kids, having kids is the most stressful thing ever for a couple but youv never met him. not just that if you meet get pregnant and he turns out 2 be a weirdo your forever linked to this guy threw a child.

i think you should concentrate on your relationship with this guy not TTC. 

xx


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## Jkelmum

AutumnRose said:


> I am getting better and i will be fully recovered by the time we TTC. I am getting a job in a few months too and so is he. We are going to meet in Dec and talk about TTC first and the sacrifies we will both have to make, and if we are both fine with that we are going to TTC.

How do u know you will be better by dec ? theres no time limit on these things ? also just cos u open ur legs doesnt mean a baby will come ...after being here 6 months if it hasnt happened what then ? 

why not meet fall in love have fun make plans no rush ?


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## samzi

i agree with the others.

why rush it?


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## AutumnRose

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
> Either way, my child will not go without.
> I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.
> 
> You *WILL* be a single mum. Rich is never here. He works in London and is there ALL the time. It's SO hard and I would never CHOOSE for it to be like this atall. If he was gone months at a time I'd probably have killed myself by now. It's hard having no one. No one to hand the baby over to when they've been screaming constantly for hours and you just don't know what's wrong. No one to have the baby when you're so knackered you can't possibley cope anymore..
> 
> I can't explain what having a baby is like to someone who doesn't have one because it's nothing like you expect it to be. There are great moments but it's HARD.Click to expand...

It cant be that hard if your having another baby with him though.


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## Serene123

AutumnRose said:


> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
> Either way, my child will not go without.
> I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.
> 
> You *WILL* be a single mum. Rich is never here. He works in London and is there ALL the time. It's SO hard and I would never CHOOSE for it to be like this atall. If he was gone months at a time I'd probably have killed myself by now. It's hard having no one. No one to hand the baby over to when they've been screaming constantly for hours and you just don't know what's wrong. No one to have the baby when you're so knackered you can't possibley cope anymore..
> 
> I can't explain what having a baby is like to someone who doesn't have one because it's nothing like you expect it to be. There are great moments but it's HARD.Click to expand...
> 
> It cant be that hard if your having another baby with him though.Click to expand...

We're changing things first. So he travels into London in the day and doesn't stay there.

I would never put myself through this again :lol:


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## Mitsuko

AutumnRose said:


> I wont be a single mum, i will still have his support emotionally and financially.
> Either way, my child will not go without.
> I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

The only thing is that it's not just about you. It's about a child too. No matter how much you desire to have a kid, you still have to take into consideration the happiness of the LO.


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## x_Rainbow_x

enjoy your time with this guy trust me, i spent 2 years concentrating on ttc, and negelecting my OH. if i could turn bk time and spend more time going out and going on holidays just me n him i wud.


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## binxyboo

Ok, I am going to give my honest opinion, and it may sound quite harsh.

I think this plan is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

1) you have _NO_ idea if you will be cured of your social phobia by december. I hope you are, but there is a chance that it may take longer. There is no time limit on these things.

2) Talking of time limits, One of my friends took _18 months_ before she managed to concieve. Another was trying for a baby for _3 YEARS_ before she was successful. What if you don't fall pregnant straight away?

3) you say you are getting a job in a few months? Is this a definate job in the pipeline? or are you going to start looking in a few months. A job is not a given, especially in this economic climate.

4) You have _NEVER_ met this man. I had an online relationship with someone years ago. I thought I loved him. I thought he loved me. When we finally got together in the flesh, his lies were more exposed than when he was telling them online. I'm not saying that this will happen to you, but you haven't actually met yet.

5) He will be here for 6 months only. _IF_ (big if) you fall pregnant as per plan, who will be at the birth of his child?
You say he will give you emotional support, but when my husband is away (not too often anymore thank goodness) the emotional support I crave is a hug. No words - just a hug. How can he give that to you when the baby has been screaming non stop and you want his emotional support?

6) I have looked at your profile and you are only 18 years old. You have plenty of time to get to know your OH _BEFORE_ you bring a baby into the world. 
I have been desperate for a baby for a long time, but I wanted to wait until my relationship was happy, content and STABLE. I am 32 years old.

My other concern is how much of this plan have you discussed with OH?
Is he 100% committed to trying for a baby as soon as he meets you for the first time. Or does he want to get to know you first? I would be interested to hear his side of things.

I am sorry if what I have said is not what you want to hear, but I really think you need to rethink this through.

Good luck in whatever you choose to do.


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## Serene123

I'm kind of pissed off that you'd even bring my situation into this. It's on a completely different planet to this!


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## NuKe

ok Autumn Rose. I have direct experience in this so I'm going to offer my advice, and I really hope you take it!!

a few years ago I met a guy called Jake online. we talked online and on the phone for hours every day, and realised we were totally in love with each other. I flew to canada to meet him a few months later, and ended up staying for 4 months. At the start everything was amazing, felt like I was living in a dream. So I went home, got a job to save up some money and planned to move there. went back 3 more times to visit, staying for a few weeks each time. then a month before i was due to emmigrate (I had my ticket booked, visa sorted, apartment sorted, everything) I found out he had cheated on me. it tore my world apart. I'm not saying that your oh will cheat, and I'm certainly not saying there's anything wrong with meeting people online. All I'm saying is you need to WAKE UP!!! yes, you know this man but you don't know it's going to work out until you have lived together. I only wish someone had slapped me about and told me to wise up. There's every chance that it will work out and you will both live happily ever after, but DON'T BRING A BABY INTO THIS WORLD WITH A MAN YOU'VE NEVER MET JUST BEACAUSE YOU'RE A BIT BROODY!! This might seem harsh, but I call it like I see it. and if you need to talk about anything, send me a wee message hun. all I'm saying is wait for a bit before ttc! my ex and i wer sooo close to ttc and I will be eternally grateful we didn't. i hope it works out for you.


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## Rhi_Rhi1

How do u know you will be better by then ?! ... im sorry but you asked for opinions .. and if i met you in real life , nd u told me this story i would be looking at you like this:-k:-k its just not normal sorry, its like something you read in CHAT or HELLO or sumthing like that sorry :hug:


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## kristy87

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> I'm kind of pissed off that you'd even bring my situation into this. It's on a completely different planet to this!

i agree toria, i got a bit pissed off when i read the reply about your situation. i personally think this is utter madness. how the hell can you want to ttc with someone you havent even met?and trust me, its not as easy as you think its going to be. 

ive wanted a baby all my life, i started ttc at 18, and im still here. 

this is weird...


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## malpal

Wow........I really don't know what to say. 
I can't quite believe that you would be willing to go through with this. 
I really hope i don't upset/offend you when i say this as it really isn't my intention, but do you think that you may just be using this man as a way to get the much desired baby that you wish for? 
Seems that you arn't really bothered by the prospect of doing the whole pregnancy, labour, birth and bringing up baby on your own. 
My dh went away for the weekend recently and i had 2 days and nights on my own. After this time on my own i have to say that i have so much respect and praise for all the mums that have to deal with life on there own. I can honestly say it's tough, real tough and that was with a 5 month baby. I truly don't think i would have coped with a newborn. 
I have been with my dh since i was 16 and since then i have been desperate for baby. My lo came at the grand age of 27 (which i still class as young!). I waited 11 years for her but am in a very happy, stable and financially secure relationship and i know that i couldn't have done anymore to make sure Lexie has the best i can do (emotionally and physically).
Also with your social phobia would this not mean you were more suseptable to PND? Not something you can deal with on your own. 
Please please take everyones advise into consideration, we care about people here that's why people take the time to write. 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## AutumnRose

You guys dont really understand my situation and my social phobia...so you cant make out im weird... i know its not normal but then what is normal?
Nothing wrong with me wanting a baby, i will get better first for the fact it means i can become a mother.


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## binxyboo

AutumnRose said:


> You guys dont really understand my situation and my social phobia...so you cant make out im weird... i know its not normal but then what is normal?
> Nothing wrong with me wanting a baby, i will get better first for the fact it means i can become a mother.

I have a feeling that we have told you what you don't want to hear, but you are going to do it anyway.


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## welshlass

do you want a baby 'with' this man or just him to get you pregant ? Are you sure its a baby you have wanted since you were 12 and not someone/something to love you unconditionally ? I'd suggest you get some support or councelling for the social phobia and also discuss the need for a baby as well as it might mask some other needs.

By all means meet this man and see how you get on - internet relationships can work and you may well end up having a child together. but even if you had met its still very early in a relationship to decide to have a child with someone.

You seem to be a nice and caring person so will make a great mum but just take your time ! ! you've got time on your side


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## x_Rainbow_x

All i can say is weve given you advice, and help if your not willing to take it then thats your choice but were telling you from experiance and life experiance.


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## Serene123

You asked us what we thought, so we're telling you!


I have anxiety problems and it's been awful fighting them to do stuff. I found it hard to go to clinic and stuff. I'm only telling you that it'll be hard for your own good. Being a mum gave me anxiety issues so I can only assume that if you have previous problems it could make them come back / make them worse?


----------



## AutumnRose

No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.


----------



## welshlass

AutumnRose said:


> You guys dont really understand my situation and my social phobia...so you cant make out im weird... i know its not normal but then what is normal?
> Nothing wrong with me wanting a baby, i will get better first for the fact it means i can become a mother.

There is nothing wrong with you wanting a baby but we can;t always have what we want at the time we want it ! and people are just suggesting other ways of getting what you want. And no-one has called your phobia wierd.


----------



## x_Rainbow_x

I also suffer with bad anxiety, my husband gets mega frustrated with me because he nos i can go out but wont. i have a strange form of OCD which seriously sends me wappy! it was soooo bad at one point it prevented me going to a midwife appointment. what you gunna do if you need 2 do something or go somewhere for the sake of your child but cant. I have good weeks and bad.


----------



## Serene123

AutumnRose said:


> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.

Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?


----------



## x_Rainbow_x

just sayig get to no this guy first spend a few years doing things together going out having holidays, partying together living together. you NEVER no somebody untill you live with them trust me!


----------



## welshlass

AutumnRose said:


> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.

you want to move to live with him 'after you get to know him' but you know him well enough to have a baby ?


----------



## Serene123

welshlass said:


> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.
> 
> you want to move to live with him 'after you get to know him' but you know him well enough to have a baby ?Click to expand...

That's what I said :lol:


----------



## kristy87

never mind not knowing someone till you live with them, you have to meet them first!!!


----------



## AutumnRose

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.
> 
> Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?Click to expand...

yes, we would have to get married for me to live over there with him.
That way, he would be with me throughout my pregnancy and the babies life.
Although he would earn just enough to get us all by and pay bills.


----------



## Alexas Mommy

I agree with the others-this is an awful situation to bring a baby into-You say you have been desperate for a child since you were 12!! It sounds like you want a baby, so you can fill some sort of void in your life, and I am sorry, but it doesn't work that way-that is a very selfish reason to have a baby. It is not fair on the baby. It sounds like, to me, that you have found a guy, who humours the fact that you want a baby, and he does as well (he's on here too?!) I'm confused as well as concerned, because no decent man would want to ttc a baby, with a woman they don't even know-sorry that may sounds harsh, but even in a relationship that has been going on for years, it is the man holding back on having a baby... Don't be in such a rush to have a baby-I understand you are not a socail person, but you do need time to get to know your OH irl-internet is different from real life, and it is also very different living with a guy-there are so many obstacles that need to be dealt with before trying to bring a baby into the world. Your situation is not healthy at all-and Toria's situation is nowhere near yours-she knows her OH, and he is part of Caitlyn's near everyday life...


> I am desparate to be a mother and have been since i was 12, i want it so badly it hurts and i cant ignore the painful desire anymore.

Overall, I don't understand why you have been wanting a baby since you were 12, regardless, that does not justify rushing a baby into an unstable world-again-very selfish-having a baby is about being selfless-not to fulfill your "desires"-sounds like you think having a baby is all fun and games-well it is not, they are not dolls, and not angels-maybe you _think_ you know that, but it doesn't seem as though you really do, because I have never heard something so selfish, as to bring a baby into the situation you're in.

Please rethink.


----------



## Serene123

AutumnRose said:


> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.
> 
> Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?Click to expand...
> 
> yes, we would have to get married for me to live over there with him.
> That way, he would be with me throughout my pregnancy and the babies life.
> Although he would earn just enough to get us all by and pay bills.Click to expand...

So you're not up to marrying him, which can be undone with a divorce, but you're up to having a child with him? I don't get it..


----------



## AutumnRose

Yes i do want to marry him!


----------



## Serene123

But you've never met him... He could have aids or a crack habit........ Or just be completely nuts!


----------



## binxyboo

AutumnRose said:


> Yes i do want to marry him!

has he asked?


----------



## Alexas Mommy

AutumnRose said:


> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.
> 
> Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?Click to expand...
> 
> yes, we would have to get married for me to live over there with him.
> That way, he would be with me throughout my pregnancy and the babies life.
> *Although he would earn just enough to get us all by and pay bills*.Click to expand...

I think that if you are going to have a baby with him, he should be able to more that "just" support you and baby.... I think you need to live with him first, have a job, and become stable in all ways possible, and then think about having a child.


----------



## kristy87

he would have to earn enough to see us all by ?

it sounds like this man as others have said is just there to supply. im sorry if it seems harsh i just dont get it


----------



## NuKe

i have had mental disorders before, and you just CANNOT put a timeframe on healing them! for you to say 'i will be better by december' is downright ignorant. it took me years to get over my issues and trust me they were a lot more serious than anxiety! not to downtrod anyone with anxiety, i know its an awful affliction, all im saying is my oh has suffers from anxiety for over 15 years and i can tell you its not a quick-fix problem. and instead of being so defensive, try listening to some of us! theres a lot of experience and wisdom in these forums! don't post threads on wanting peoples' opinions if you really just want confirmation that you are doing the right thing. you won't get it and you clearly are unsure if you have to get opinions from people you don't even know.


----------



## malpal

What do you do now? Do you work/school? Do you live on your own/parents? Sorry not being nosey just want to try to understand your situation.


----------



## pinkmummy

Ok here is my opinion: (mainly repeating what others have said, but maybe if its repeated enough you may understand)

1) How can you want to have a baby with this man when you haven't even met him before?

2) Do you really think that you could cope with a baby when you have this social disorder? Its hard enough having a baby and not having a disorder. If I could not leave the house with the kids and go to toddler groups etc I would go mental!

3) You don't REALLY know that he will definately send you the money, what if he gets you 'up the duff' and leaves? You will then have to go on benefits and use our hard earned cash to look after YOUR child. Also with him living in another country will you actaully be able to get Child Maintance if he leaves you?

4) You are only young, 18 if I remember correctly. You have your whole life ahead of you, you have years to have a baby. Go out and enjoy your time together while you can. Have holidays together, get jobs and save to make the furture of your child the best it can possibly be. I had Caitlin when I was 18 and it is so hard! Its not just a walk in the park, I found it difficult enough trying to cope with just one baby during the day when OH was at work never mind him not being there at all!

5) I think it is selfish to bring a child into this world when its father is in a completely different country. I think every child deserves to have 2 parents, I understand single mums who have split up with partners etc but MOST of the men still see their children. If you had a child it wouldn't be fair on the father.

6) Jobs. Neither of you have jobs at the minute am I right in understanding?? how on earth can you afford to have a child? My OH has a well paid job and I STILL need to work for us to be able to enjoy life. I have to go back to work in September, I don't want to, but I need to to support our family. This job you were talking about, is it guarnteed or are you actually going to go looking for a job, coz I'm sorry to burst your bubble but in this day and age it is bloody damn well hard to find a job!

I hope you take into account the childs feelings in all of this. Go and enjoy your life with your 'OH' before you have a family. Live together first, enjoy holidays together etc coz once bubs is here thats it your buggered for the next 18 years! :lol:


----------



## AutumnRose

We have talked more and decided that we are going to meet first before TTC. He wants me to move over there and get married so thats what we will do before having a baby.


----------



## welshlass

yeah ! you need to enjoy each other and being young first and then the time for babies and being a grown up will come soon enough !


----------



## Mum2bewaiting

Do u want to do that? I really hope it works out for u both. Children need a stable environment. At least when planning a baby that can be almost ensured


----------



## celine

The only thing I would add is that I do think you two need to talk it out once you eventually meet one another. How long have u 'known' him?
For me the big question is what kind of man would be ok to fly over to you, get you preggy with his child (and I beleive he is quite younge too 17?) and not be there for the birth :(


----------



## T'elle

im sorry but i have read this thread and im finding it hard to get around the fact your going to try for a baby with someone you have never met before, i understand the ttc with a donor which is completely different, i have friends who are going through this process, but meeting someone and wanting a baby straight away is rushing into things dont you think, what about if he doesn't stick around to help, and what if the relationship doesn't even pan out as 'planned' surely you would want to date like normal couples for a few months etc before even thinking of trying for a baby!? rather than jump in feet first?


----------



## Serene123

How are you going to feel telling your friends and family about it?


----------



## pinkmummy

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> How are you going to feel telling your friends and family about it?

Thats what I was going to ask.

What do your parents think of this?

Do you have your own house or do live with your parents?


----------



## T'elle

AutumnRose said:


> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.
> 
> Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?Click to expand...
> 
> yes, we would have to get married for me to live over there with him.
> That way, he would be with me throughout my pregnancy and the babies life.
> Although he would earn just enough to get us all by and pay bills.Click to expand...

When you get married to live out there u do understand they question u both on how much u know eachother they monitor to check when your visiting each other and they ask you how long youv'e been in a relationship etc....so its gonna be hard if youv'e never met its almost impossible immigration will even let you over there


----------



## AutumnRose

T'elle said:


> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> No, im not using him to get me pregnant that would be selfish ....I love him and he is a caring person. Im still considering moving to Florida to live with him after we get to know each other... since then we wont be apart.
> 
> Right so you're 'considering' living with him if you get on with him, but you're definately going to have a baby with him?Click to expand...
> 
> yes, we would have to get married for me to live over there with him.
> That way, he would be with me throughout my pregnancy and the babies life.
> Although he would earn just enough to get us all by and pay bills.Click to expand...
> 
> When you get married to live out there u do understand they question u both on how much u know eachother they monitor to check when your visiting each other and they ask you how long youv'e been in a relationship etc....so its gonna be hard if youv'e never met its almost impossible immigration will even let you over thereClick to expand...

yes we have looked at every option. Obviously we will be together at least a year before we get married and then by the time they process visas that will take at least a year.


----------



## bunnyg82

hey hun, just dropping by to say , I am so so soooooooooooo pleased you have decided to wait. It's going to be a huge enough step for you if you are going to move so far from home and far from family and friends, so it really will be better for you to get yourself settled before taking on this responsibility

I hope that you understand that all of the above messages were sent because people care and wanted to help you understand that your plan was really not the wisest of ideas.

Take care hun :hug: xx


----------



## binxyboo

Please listen to the girls on here.
I don't feel that ypu have your eyes wide open in this, and you are blinded by the concept of being a mother, rather than the reality


----------



## Serene123

I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?


----------



## binxyboo

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?

Yes, I also feel you are avoiding a lot of important questions.

How old are you both?
Where do you both live (as in who with - do you own your own places? rent? live with parents?)
What do you currently do for money? 
still at school? college? uni?
How will you afford to travel to each other? 
do you know what you need to do to get a visa in either country? How long the process takes? how much it costs? what it involves?

There are many more questions that I think you really need to look into.


----------



## Charliemarina

Wobbles said:


> AutumnRose said:
> 
> 
> What is dodgy?
> 
> Planning a baby with someone you have never met and this 'situation' ...I find it unhealthy :DClick to expand...

couldn't have said it any better wobbles huns i dnt like sound of it really and i would NEVER contemplate having a baby with a stranger, i mean come on has no one heard of genetics and genetical illnesses that are sometime so deverstating, i think u need to know someone well and there past and health situation b4 anything like this goes on sorry if i offend but i find it rather desperate sorry again :(


----------



## pinkmummy

binxyboo said:


> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?
> 
> Yes, I also feel you are avoiding a lot of important questions.
> 
> How old are you both?
> Where do you both live (as in who with - do you own your own places? rent? live with parents?)
> What do you currently do for money?
> still at school? college? uni?
> How will you afford to travel to each other?
> do you know what you need to do to get a visa in either country? How long the process takes? how much it costs? what it involves?
> 
> There are many more questions that I think you really need to look into.Click to expand...

:thumbup:


----------



## T'elle

I think theres alot that needs to be thought about and everyone in here has a valid point in each post... i think its more of a 'childs dream' to be honest it takes more than being 12 and wanting to be a mum meet prince charming and live happily ever after... if not then none of us would be on this forum with our efforts of WTT TTC LTTTC etc and our problems helping eachother, i think you have alot to learn before you should even consider jumping into this whole i want to be a mum thing....x


----------



## pinkmummy

T'elle said:


> I think theres alot that needs to be thought about and everyone in here has a valid point in each post... i think its more of a 'childs dream' to be honest it takes more than being 12 and wanting to be a mum meet prince charming and live happily ever after... if not then none of us would be on this forum with our efforts of WTT TTC LTTTC etc and our problems helping eachother, i think you have alot to learn before you should even consider jumping into this whole i want to be a mum thing....x

Well said.

Personally I think you should be given a child/baby for a few days and see how you actually coped. I'm pretty sure you wouldn't think it was a walk in the park after all the screaming, feeding, changing etc. Its hard work and NOT something to be taken so lightly too, you would need all the help you could possibly get.

My friend had her first baby at 19 but she was married at 17 and had been with her BF for 5 years. They moved in together at 17 when they got married and then had their baby. She had always wanted a baby and even though about having one when she left school, luckily she was talked out of it and she is now so happy that she waited until she was that little bit older, had fun with her OH on their own and enjoyed each others company and then had children.


----------



## T'elle

dont get me wrong i wish it was as simple as that and we could get pregnant when we wanted to but it takes alot more time and planning, money and efforts, i just dont think its wise to rush into something as big as this xxx


----------



## Charliemarina

also iv just noticed ur only 18 years old hun u need to think about this seriously!!!


----------



## leedsforever

I dont quite know what to say ... but I get the feeling you are listening to what the girls are saying and holding off for a bit...

good choice hun!!


----------



## Serene123

Yeah I think you're listening! :hugs:


----------



## sam#3

I really hope that you think things through very carefully before you make any decisions, the situation seems like utter madness to me.
Who in their right mind would CHOOSE to bring a baby into such an unstable situation...


----------



## Xanthe

toriaaaaTRASH said:


> I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?

Stalker that I am:rofl:, I have looked through some of OPs older posts to get some answers as this matter really concerns me.

Autumn Rose - from my understanding

1) You are living with you Mother and rely on state benefits
2) You were looking into getting a mortgage even though you don't have a job
3) You have a social phobia that prevents you from doing anything about the above.
4) Your beloved is only 18 years old too and a student

Reading through the lines, I think we can conclude that you are not currently living in the real world. You think you are "in love" with some guy on the internet - but really it doesn't matter how you feel about him cos he is essentially a sperm donor.

It really doesn't matter if he buggers off when you get pregnant, cos you will have your perfect baby, the garden will be rosy and sod looking for a job cos the state will support you.

The harsh reality is that you will most probably be suffering from your nervous disorder which could in fact be made worse by being pregnant and any post natal issues. Your poor old Mum will be bringing the baby up because you will be too incapacitated to and old lover boy will be a distant memory.

Sorry to burst your bubble love - but get from behind that bloody computer and get some counselling, get a job and then you're meet someone really worthy enough to even contemplate having a baby with.

I really hope for everyones sake that you look back on this in 20 years time and see it all as a teenagers foolish dream.


----------



## AutumnRose

Xanthe said:


> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?
> 
> Stalker that I am:rofl:, I have looked through some of OPs older posts to get some answers as this matter really concerns me.
> 
> Autumn Rose - from my understanding
> 
> 1) You are living with you Mother and rely on state benefits
> 2) You were looking into getting a mortgage even though you don't have a job
> 3) You have a social phobia that prevents you from doing anything about the above.
> 4) Your beloved is only 18 years old too and a student
> 
> Reading through the lines, I think we can conclude that you are not currently living in the real world. You think you are "in love" with some guy on the internet - but really it doesn't matter how you feel about him cos he is essentially a sperm donor.
> 
> It really doesn't matter if he buggers off when you get pregnant, cos you will have your perfect baby, the garden will be rosy and sod looking for a job cos the state will support you.
> 
> The harsh reality is that you will most probably be suffering from your nervous disorder which could in fact be made worse by being pregnant and any post natal issues. Your poor old Mum will be bringing the baby up because you will be too incapacitated to and old lover boy will be a distant memory.
> 
> Sorry to burst your bubble love - but get from behind that bloody computer and get some counselling, get a job and then you're meet someone really worthy enough to even contemplate having a baby with.
> 
> I really hope for everyones sake that you look back on this in 20 years time and see it all as a teenagers foolish dream.Click to expand...

How dare you say i would be too incapacitated to bring my own child up.
I asked for advice but you just really crossed the line with that comment.
And for your info, i have had counselling and every other fucking thing but nothing has worked so im doing it on my own.


----------



## Mum2bewaiting

i'm sorry, but if u are sorting out ur social phobia on ur own... what support are u going to be able to access when things get tough with ur child... and even more so how can u put a time scale on something that is such a slow process with professional guidance?


----------



## pinkmummy

This is totally off topic but I have just noticed your weight loss ticker. Surely 18.3 BMI is not healthy??

I just got this off a website



> Lizzie, 33, can fit into clothes meant for a 10-year-old but at 5ft 2in tall and just over seven stone she does not look out of proportion.
> 
> Her BMI of 18.3 is slightly under the World Health Organisation's recommended minimum of 18.5

If you get pregnant you will put on weight not lose it. Please just concetrate on being a teen and enjoying life at the moment, I love my kids to bits but I do wish I had waited until I was older x


----------



## pinkmummy

-


----------



## Kirstin

Shes had that ticker for months and it hasn't moved at all so I doubt shes going to get anywhere close to an underweight bmi.


----------



## sam#3

also if you are now going it alone to so called cure your social phobia problems how do you know that you will be fine by Dec???????
Surely if it was as easy as that and you could pencil in a cured by date then all the treatment would have worked a long time ago........ 

It all seems a bit far out to me personally


----------



## AutumnRose

sam#3 said:


> also if you are now going it alone to so called cure your social phobia problems how do you know that you will be fine by Dec???????
> Surely if it was as easy as that and you could pencil in a cured by date then all the treatment would have worked a long time ago........
> 
> It all seems a bit far out to me personally

Why are you being so insensitive? I dont have to explain my illness to you because you just seem to enjoy critisizing and putting me down. Get off my back if you have nothing nice to say.


----------



## sam#3

I dont recall asking you to explain your illness to me........


----------



## pinkmummy

AutumnRose said:


> sam#3 said:
> 
> 
> also if you are now going it alone to so called cure your social phobia problems how do you know that you will be fine by Dec???????
> Surely if it was as easy as that and you could pencil in a cured by date then all the treatment would have worked a long time ago........
> 
> It all seems a bit far out to me personally
> 
> Why are you being so insensitive? I dont have to explain my illness to you because you just seem to enjoy critisizing and putting me down. Get off my back if you have nothing nice to say.Click to expand...

Look hun you asked for advice on the situation and that is all people have done. If you don't like what they say they just ignore them, its the THEIR opinion and thats what you asked for in the beginning of this thread


----------



## Romybug

Dont they make dolls over there for the youngsters anymore?????


----------



## AutumnRose

Yes, but i didnt ask them to be personal and put me down for even trying to get better.


----------



## pinkmummy

AutumnRose said:


> Yes, but i didnt ask them to be personal and put me down for even trying to get better.

They arent putting you down ... just making it realistic for you. 

As people have said how can you put a time limit on an illness? You can't say I WILL be better by December as you may take a turn for the worst, you just never know. No one is trying to be mean I hink people just find this a really silly idea considering the circumstances x


----------



## leeanne

Ladies, I think you've said enough about her plan and situation. Although I don't agree with it either and wish that she would wait, which it seems like she just may do now, rudeness and personal attacks are bang out of order!

Play nice girls.


----------



## Winter Belle

I just re-read this thread since I last posted and I know some of these comments are starting to sound a little harsh but BnB is really a great place because so many people _care_ about each and every individual and their situation. Your situation is firing up warning flags to everyone here simply because past histories suggest that it is an impractical situation that is highly unlikely to work out as you wish. 

I really hope that you meet this guy, fall in love, get jobs and have the beautiful baby girl you so desperately want. I hope for something similar for everyone here... But there are so many possibilities that can go wrong with all of that and that is what people here are trying to warn you of. You need to be so sure that this is the right road for you to take. One minute you say you will both live over here, the next you will both live over there... that is a huge decision in itself that needs finalising before the baby comes along.

I think it definitely a wise decision to get to know the guy a bit better in person before jumping head first into having a baby. And the fact that you have put plans together and asked opinions implies you are really thinking everything through.

With SP I think it is definitely a good idea to get to know yourself a bit better once/if the SP has lifted. Through past experience anxiety disorders can begin to define you as a person and once they subside it takes a while to discover exactly what you want and who you are without that label hanging over your head.. Give yourself some time and let your OH pamper you and spoil you before LO comes along and all of yours and OH's energy and attention goes to your son or daughter.

take care xx


----------



## Wobbles

Romybug said:


> Dont they make dolls over there for the youngsters anymore?????

Ok I'm really not liking smart ass comments like this nomatter what - Can I point out that this is NOT how we talk to each other on BabyandBump regardless of what peoples personal views on the circumstances - shes 18 not 10.

I worry for your situation Autumn Rose from what I read the other day but nobody has the right to ATTACK you - If you'd like me to move or lock this thread pop me a PM if not I will assume your happy this stays open.


----------



## Wobbles

Xanthe said:


> toriaaaaTRASH said:
> 
> 
> I guess you don't want to answer the other questions?
> 
> Stalker that I am:rofl:, I have looked through some of OPs older posts to get some answers as this matter really concerns me.
> 
> Autumn Rose - from my understanding
> 
> 1) You are living with you Mother and rely on state benefits
> 2) You were looking into getting a mortgage even though you don't have a job
> 3) You have a social phobia that prevents you from doing anything about the above.
> 4) Your beloved is only 18 years old too and a student
> 
> Reading through the lines, I think we can conclude that you are not currently living in the real world. You think you are "in love" with some guy on the internet - but really it doesn't matter how you feel about him cos he is essentially a sperm donor.
> 
> It really doesn't matter if he buggers off when you get pregnant, cos you will have your perfect baby, the garden will be rosy and sod looking for a job cos the state will support you.
> 
> The harsh reality is that you will most probably be suffering from your nervous disorder which could in fact be made worse by being pregnant and any post natal issues. Your poor old Mum will be bringing the baby up because you will be too incapacitated to and old lover boy will be a distant memory.
> 
> Sorry to burst your bubble love - but get from behind that bloody computer and get some counselling, get a job and then you're meet someone really worthy enough to even contemplate having a baby with.
> 
> I really hope for everyones sake that you look back on this in 20 years time and see it all as a teenagers foolish dream.Click to expand...




caitlinsmummy said:


> This is totally off topic but I have just noticed your weight loss ticker. Surely 18.3 BMI is not healthy??
> 
> I just got this off a website
> 
> 
> 
> Lizzie, 33, can fit into clothes meant for a 10-year-old but at 5ft 2in tall and just over seven stone she does not look out of proportion.
> 
> Her BMI of 18.3 is slightly under the World Health Organisation's recommended minimum of 18.5
> 
> If you get pregnant you will put on weight not lose it. Please just concetrate on being a teen and enjoying life at the moment, I love my kids to bits but I do wish I had waited until I was older xClick to expand...




Kirstin said:


> Shes had that ticker for months and it hasn't moved at all so I doubt shes going to get anywhere close to an underweight bmi.




sam#3 said:


> also if you are now going it alone to so called cure your social phobia problems how do you know that you will be fine by Dec???????
> Surely if it was as easy as that and you could pencil in a cured by date then all the treatment would have worked a long time ago........
> 
> It all seems a bit far out to me personally

*You know girls this is quite a nasty read!!!* & I only went one page back!

Seriously you girls have *NO *right to pick at her weight I'm gobsmacked!

Also social phobia is common I had it BAD years ago and still have it now just not so bad so I think people should get off the lectures unless they have been there :| You will find people use the internet in those circumstances to makes friends, chat to people real time and even meet people my fear was a young girl left feeling worse over this situation ...mentally & emotionally if these problems exist.

Xanthe your reply is just patronising the whole way through! 

What ever happened to honest but friendly advice on this forum! :hissy:


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## jillypoop

Aaah!! Girls you're scaring me! I love you all soo much and don't know what I would have done without you all since I joined but this is getting too far. We all have our own opinions and I think that maybe the way you said it was a bit unfair and I have been treated similarly on another forum like this (about something completely different tho) and its stopped me posting there because I felt like I was being ganged up on.

I'm sure you don't mean to but you're obviously not making Autumn Rose feel brilliant about all this.

Please can we stop, have a hot chocolate and some biscuits together and a big group hug?????


Love you ALL!!!!

mwah!!
xxxxx


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## Wobbles

Locked at request - no surprise really huh girls? :(

Thread left here for others to see my replies on this thread (page 12).


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