# Leaving a 6 week old with grandparents overnight....



## bunnyrabbit

We're going to be leaving our 6 week old overnight next week for some much needed couple time. They have offered to take him one night a week or a weekend every week so we can relax, meet friends etc. We're both young parents and I know I'd love this little bit of freedom once a week.....but is it ok to do this? Will the baby have stronger attachments to grandparents than me and daddy? Is it bad parenting?


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## biglebowski

Rest assured your lo will love you and daddy more than anyone or anything in the world!! That's fantastic you have family who are willing to help out, and I'm sure they will adore having him. As long as you are both comfortable with the arrangement, then go for it!! Enjoy your time with your man, and not being mummy and daddy for a night....and the sleep!!!! Anything that helps you feel better rested is fab!! Bad parenting, absolutely not!!!! Its great to support lo to forge good relationships with his family. Enjoy your night!!


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## sevenofnine

I don't really think it's bad parenting. I (personally) couldn't / wouldn't do it that often (I am exclusively breastfeeding and so it wouldn't work anyway), but we will be leaving her for a night soon with her grandparents.

Your LO will still of course know who it's parents are. 

Honestly, and this is only an opinion so please don't take it too harshly, but it seems to me that it kind of defeats the purpose of having a child. Why even have a child if you're just going to leave it with his grandparents every weekend to go party? Being a parent generally means that you have to do what's best for your LO. Although once every here and there certainly wouldn't be a problem, it seems every week for a weekend is excessive.

Once again, I don't think you will have a screwed up child because of this. Just my opinions!

It just seems to shirk some responsibility of being a parent.

And please please please, I am NOT trying to be harsh even though I know it sounds like that... it's just my opinion. I would love to go party every weekend but I don't because I know that it wouldn't be what's best for my daughter.

Once in a while, though... sure, why not! :thumbup:

And I'm not one to put stock into every article I read, but I just found it interesting that I read some articles yesterday about spending nights away from baby and found some info from their study: "The results pointed out that 43 percent of babies with weekly overnights experienced insecurity over separation from their mothers or primary caregivers as compared to 16 percent with less frequently overnights."

Read more: Not Worth Spending Nights Away From Mom as a Baby | Medindia https://www.medindia.net/news/not-w...from-mom-as-a-baby-122515-1.htm#ixzz2ZyUWlPSi

^^ There is an article that has more detailed information than that one, I'm sure if you Google it, you will find it. 

:hugs:


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## kates84

I have to say I do largely agree with sevenofnine. I wouldn't do an all nighter every week until my little one is older for the reasons she gave

However, if you think you would be a less happy/more resentful parent if you don't have a weekly break, then you should go for it as on balance, that would be best for your little one.


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## lilly_bum

I couldent leave my baby that young my lo is 14 months and stayed out last week for one night for the first time ever we have couple time when she is in bed your baby is so little and just wants u x


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## special_kala

I wouldnt do it personally. They dont stay babes for long and i have time when they are older to go out etc.


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## maidelyn

Yeah I wouldn't for same reasons as above. I presume you are bottle feeding? How about just an afternoon or two a week to have a break?


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## JessicaM123

I couldn't leave my LO overnight at 6weeks, i still would struggle to do it now. If you feel happy to do it, it does not make you a bad parent though, nor will it affect LO's love for you less. 

I do agree with sevenofnine to say that being a parent is responsibility though, and you will want family time too. them having him at the weekend will give you couple time, but surely if your partner works/when lo goes to school/nursey, you will want that weekend for family time? Less of a social life and less couple time is sadly one of the sacrifices you have to make having a baby.

I do believe you should do whats best for you and baby though, so if that is, then so be it x


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## Emma&Freya

My Mum and Dad had my daughter overnight when she was 3 weeks old, and dya no what? I LOVED it, I missed her of course, but it was SO nice to have some 'me' time.

I had a lovely bath, drank a lovely cup of tea, had a gorgeous tea and got into fresh pjs and into a fresh clean bed and watched TV until my OH came in.

People on here were quite horrible to me when I said I left her, but my OH was back working and my depression was starting to sink in.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a night/day off.

My Mum and Dad have Freya atleast once a fornight for me, sometimes every Friday because I need to be me again for that part :)

Do whatever you feel is comfortable x


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## bumpbear

To be honest, 6 weeks seems awfully young to be leaving the baby for a full night. I dont think i would have even considered it at that stage.

My sis-in-law forced DH and I out for couple time when LO was that age. They were visiting us from the UK and knew we woukd never have time to ourselves as we have no family here. We went to the nearest restaurant for lunch, wolfed down our meal, talked about LO the whole time and rushed back within 90 minutes. We've not been on another date night since and she's 16 months old! However, we have plenty of at home dates after she's gone to sleep and that serves us just fine!

I do realise that what works for us doesn't work for everybody though, so if you feel you need some 'me' time and your parenting would suffer if you didn't get that time, take it and don't worry what anyone else thinks. I'm sure you'll strike the right balance for your LO.


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## jodilee6

We've regularly left LO overnight with both grandparents since he was a few weeks old. He has an amazing time, grandparents love spending time with him and myself and OH get to relax and be us once again.

He's now 14months and has such an amazing relationship with both sets of grandparents, shock horror, OH & I have even be away for long weekend without LO.

I think it's down to you as a parent, if you want to do it and are comfortable in doing so then go ahead. It's not going to affect your child developmentally, from my experience I think it enhances bonds and also gives a greater sense of security.


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## lilly_bum

@emma I think theres a huge difference between.wanting a break because your shattared or feeling depressed than wanting to give your child away for a weekend coz your young and want to hang with friends xxx


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## Emma&Freya

lilly_bum said:


> @emma I think theres a huge difference between.wanting a break because your shattared or feeling depressed than wanting to give your child away for a weekend coz your young and want to hang with friends xxx

to be fair, I didnt no I had depression back then, just thought I was tired but things wernt right :)



OP my daughter has a fantastic relationship with my Mum and Dad aswell :flower:


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## special_kala

My kids have a great relationship with their grandparents but they have never stayed over their house. They have loads of time to do that when they are older.


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## lovelylaura

Do it. If your happy then do it and don't listen to other people's opinions it will only make you doubt yourself. Your child will love you. My girls have the odd night away its refreshing and helps get my head togdther. Xx


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## fannyadams

lilly_bum said:


> @emma I think theres a huge difference between.wanting a break because your shattared or feeling depressed than wanting to give your child away for a weekend coz your young and want to hang with friends xxx

Harsh


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## SaraEmily

I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds.


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## sevenofnine

I had almost a full night night away from my LO at a young age... but every weekend just seems like a lot IMO.

I do agree with the fact that your LO will of course still love you and know you are his/her parents!

It just seems like a lot to be gone. 

Just put it in perspective... if they took LO for one day/night a week, that would be 52-ish days per year you're not with your LO... that's a lot! Double it for weekends and you have somewhere between 52 and 104 days per year you're spending for "couple time". Doesn't that seem like a lot for someone with a young baby?


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## fannyadams

SaraEmily said:


> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.

Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement? 
It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any different


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## lilly_bum

fannyadams said:


> lilly_bum said:
> 
> 
> @emma I think theres a huge difference between.wanting a break because your shattared or feeling depressed than wanting to give your child away for a weekend coz your young and want to hang with friends xxx
> 
> HarshClick to expand...

Wasnt ment to be harsh just my oppinion.


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## SaraEmily

sevenofnine said:


> I had almost a full night night away from my LO at a young age... but every weekend just seems like a lot IMO.

I hope you didn't think I meant anything was wrong with that. That's perfectly fine, just (imo) not an every weekend thing.


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## SaraEmily

fannyadams said:


> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.
> 
> Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement?
> It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any differentClick to expand...

Yes, and having 'two homes' has been proven detrimental in a lot of cases. Idk, it just makes me wonder why people have children if they refuse to give up their previous life. 

Also, I'm only 21 myself, and when I hear/read about young parents going out too much, it pisses me off because I feel like it makes all of us young parents look bad.


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## sevenofnine

fannyadams said:


> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.
> 
> Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement?
> It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any differentClick to expand...

Likening it to a child that has two "homes" when the parents split puts a bad taste in my mouth. Obviously that is best for some families out of necessity, but why offer a similar situation if you don't have to? 

I guess if they, the parents, and the LO is fine with the arrangement, then there really isn't an issue.


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## rjm09

It took 3 yrs and an emergency for me to agree on an overnight with my son! 
I just will not do it. We've had them watch him for a few hours while we went out, even having a few drinks out, we were still able to come pick him up. We can still go out and do couple things. 

If you need the sitter for partying, what's to say you're going to be the best parent the next morning with a hangover?

Dd is 9m, and have been asked for the overnight. There's just no reason to! I'm the parent, I agreed to a lifetime responsibility, even if that means giving up "couple time" with dh.


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## sevenofnine

SaraEmily said:


> sevenofnine said:
> 
> 
> I had almost a full night night away from my LO at a young age... but every weekend just seems like a lot IMO.
> 
> I hope you didn't think I meant anything was wrong with that. That's perfectly fine, just (imo) not an every weekend thing.Click to expand...

No! Not at all, I was just saying that obviously I understand that sometimes after just having a baby, a little "you" time is needed! 

And although my mum and pops would (gladly) take her for me every week or weekend if I wanted it, it just doesn't seem right to me? Once again, it's just my opinion based off my life. Obviously I don't know the OP so it may be different.

Because... of course I would LOVE to go out weekends and party and hang out with all my friends... but I don't. Besides, I'm sure I'll have plenty of time for that when she's older and can tell me she wants to go by a friend or grandma and grandpa (who will surely spoil her).

:flower:


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## sam2eb

I left my now 2 year old with my mum for overnights from she was 4 days old! 

It stopped when she was about 8 weeks old because she began to kick off a lot there, like she just wanted to be home, and she hasn't stayed over anywhere since.

I don't see anything wrong with what your planning at all!


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## HanaK

Nothing wrong with it. We left our LO for one night at 4 weeks and recently at 11 weeks. My BIL and SIL have always let their kids have sleepovers and their three are chilled out, happy and confident little boys. Do what you feel is right. Your baby will suffer no adverse effects either way. In fact, he won't even remember!


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## HanaK

SaraEmily said:


> fannyadams said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.
> 
> Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement?
> It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any differentClick to expand...
> 
> Yes, and having 'two homes' has been proven detrimental in a lot of cases. Idk, it just makes me wonder why people have children if they refuse to give up their previous life.
> 
> Also, I'm only 21 myself, and when I hear/read about young parents going out too much, it pisses me off because I feel like it makes all of us young parents look bad.Click to expand...

This is a bit ridiculous. Not all of us are Mother Earths who don't want to spend one night in adult company for months and months. Having the odd night away is surely healthier than wishing you could and being unhappy. If you don't want to fine but there's absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little down time.

You can't equate the odd night away to parents being out all the time.


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## SaraEmily

HanaK said:


> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> fannyadams said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.
> 
> Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement?
> It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any differentClick to expand...
> 
> Yes, and having 'two homes' has been proven detrimental in a lot of cases. Idk, it just makes me wonder why people have children if they refuse to give up their previous life.
> 
> Also, I'm only 21 myself, and when I hear/read about young parents going out too much, it pisses me off because I feel like it makes all of us young parents look bad.Click to expand...
> 
> This is a bit ridiculous. Not all of us are Mother Earths who don't want to spend one night in adult company for months and months. Having the odd night away is surely healthier than wishing you could and being unhappy. If you don't want to fine but there's absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little down time.
> 
> You can't equate the odd night away to parents being out all the time.Click to expand...

When did I say months and months? The odd night away is fine. But the OP isn't talking about the odd night away, she wants to do it every weekend.


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## kates84

SaraEmily said:


> fannyadams said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.
> 
> Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement?
> It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any differentClick to expand...
> 
> Yes, and having 'two homes' has been proven detrimental in a lot of cases. Idk, it just makes me wonder why people have children if they refuse to give up their previous life.
> 
> Also, I'm only 21 myself, and when I hear/read about young parents going out too much, it pisses me off because I feel like it makes all of us young parents look bad.Click to expand...

Slightly off topic, but when I hear people say "oh they are young" as a reason why other people need more breaks, I get a little......annoyed isn't the right word, but I certainly feel it feeds in to the stereotype. 

The vast majority of the "young" parents I know in person are just as likely as the "older" parents I know to require a crow bar to separate them from their children. They would look perplexed at someone suggesting that they need more relief than an older person.

Not aimed at the OP or anyone in this thread at all. But SaraEmily - no, you shouldn't have a bad name hon


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## Noelle610

Hmm.... Well, I love the odd night away and I think that's healthy. But every weekend sounds excessive to me. Does one or both of you work? If so, you may find you really cherish that weekend time with LO as they get older.


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## jessicatunnel

She never said anything about partying by the way. "Meeting friends" can mean going shopping, getting a bite to eat, getting coffee, going to a movie. Doesn't always mean partying. 

I wouldn't do it though. Six weeks seems far too young to leave a baby overnight. We haven't left Lilly overnight and she's fourteen months.


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## sevenofnine

jessicatunnel said:


> She never said anything about partying by the way. "Meeting friends" can mean going shopping, getting a bite to eat, getting coffee, going to a movie. Doesn't always mean partying.

No, she didn't say she was partying. I added that in... oops. But regardless of what she's doing, being away every weekend seems like a lot.


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## fannyadams

I don't think it has anything to do with age.
Some people are comfortable with it, others aren't.
I've seen plenty of posts on here over the months where people's lo's spent overnight with their grandparents weekly. 
Again, it's not something I personally would feel comfortable with but I bet there's lots of things I do feel comfortable with that others don't.
The child is loved and looked after. What's the problem?


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## SaraEmily

I think people assumed they would be out late partying because of the overnight part. Getting coffee or a bite to eat wouldn't require that, but who knows. We shouldn't assume anything.


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## smallpeanut

I chose to have my daughter, I'll take responsibility of my daughter. Then only time I'll give her up for the night is when I need a night off or me and oh have a rare night planned. Don't get me wrong, some times I appreciate the time away but I'd rather her be gone for a few hours in the day than the whole night. I find it harder to relax.


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## MindUtopia

I think if you feel comfortable with it, your parents feel comfortable with it and are well enough to care for a new baby, and your baby seems to adjust to it fine and without any problems cropping up, then I don't see any problems with it. 

Me personally, I couldn't do it. I've only left my daughter with anyone but my husband once since she was born. My mom came to visit from the U.S. and watched her while we had lunch at the pub about a 30 second walk from our house. I lasted about 1.5 hours before I cried and had to come home. That said, I don't especially trust either of our sets of parents to watch her anyway, at least not as a baby. Husband's mum and partner would probably just leave her to cry in a room somewhere while they drank wine and ignored her (they don't really like kids). And my mom, she's great, but she's just getting a little too old to be on point all the time with a tiny baby. I'm hoping when our daughter is older and more self-sufficient, I'll feel differently, but for now, I'm not comfortable with it. 

_But_ I think we have to keep in mind that it's an incredible luxury in our culture to be able to spend so much time with our children. There are many people (especially in the U.S. where I'm from) who are back to work full-time, even having to go away on business trips, from 6 weeks pp. If I still lived there, I would have had to and would have spent very little time each week with my new baby. Not saying it's ideal, but it's reality. I'd say certainly an overnight with grandparents once a week while spending the rest of the week close to mum is better than having to put your 6 week old in childcare 40 hours a week, which is what most of my U.S. friends have had to do. I know people have to do it and it's often not a choice, but I'd still feel more comfortable with one than the other at that age. And there are plenty of cultures where grandparents co-parent and are even primary caregivers while parents work or live away. Maybe that's not ideal for some people, but I don't think it's terribly damaging either. 

You know what feels right for you and your family and no one should tell you how to parent. I think enjoy your night out. We've not had one yet and I wish we could!


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## minties

For me it would bé weird, I just can't imagine it. I've only been away from my son at night when I was in hospital having Sophie, and hé stayed at home with his dad.


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## TryinFor1

I can see it both ways but I don't think its a big deal if everyone is happy. I wasn't a baby when this happened, but when I was 2+ I would spend up to a couple weeks with my Grammy. I LOVED it. I missed my mom, sure. But I got spoilt rotten! I know who my mom is and I love her to death. And I know who my grandmother is who I also love to death. We were all happy with that situation. And it happened all the time. 

Now, personally, I wouldn't do that. Ds has stayed away from me once at 4 months and will be again next month at 7.5 months. I do get away, or try to, once a week to my friends house but that doesn't happen very often. But I can't expect it to with a child. He has to come first. 

I don't think you are a bad parent and he will absolutely know who you are. I don't necessarily agree with the amount of time away but that is just because that isn't for me. And as another poster said, he really won't remember. Lol


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## aliss

Urgh, I hate to say it but I wonder if the assumption of partying is because she admitted they were young parents ;) ??

Anyways, do what works for you and your family. I would not leave my baby overnight because my FIL is 70 and has had multiple cardiac surgeries, I don't want to be responsible for my kids pushing him past the brink :rofl: 

But if your parents are capable (and I'm guessing if you are young, so are they), and you are comfortable with it, then go ahead and do what you feel is best. Don't be pressured into it, but don't be pressured out of it, if it is what you want.


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## babyface15

My MIL has offered to take my baby girl for an overnight to give us a break and always wants to take her for a few hours when she can to give us time to do something we enjoy. I'm not sure about my husband, but I always feel like I'm being dragged away. I love her sooo intensely that I feel very uneasy being separated. I personally would never give her up for an overnight. The four hours we spent apart last weekend to see a movie almost gave me a heart attack. On the drive home I was just so anxious to see her and nurse her and I spent the whole movie thinking about her. At one point I was thinking about her so much my milk starting leaking lol. But to each their own I think!!


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## bunnyrabbit

Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?


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## HanaK

SaraEmily said:


> HanaK said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> fannyadams said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SaraEmily said:
> 
> 
> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds. Sorry if it seems like I'm lecturing you, just giving an opinion.
> 
> Why not if everyone is happy with the arrangement?
> It's not for me but we don't know ops circumstances. Lots of children have two 'homes' when their parents split. This isn't really any differentClick to expand...
> 
> Yes, and having 'two homes' has been proven detrimental in a lot of cases. Idk, it just makes me wonder why people have children if they refuse to give up their previous life.
> 
> Also, I'm only 21 myself, and when I hear/read about young parents going out too much, it pisses me off because I feel like it makes all of us young parents look bad.Click to expand...
> 
> This is a bit ridiculous. Not all of us are Mother Earths who don't want to spend one night in adult company for months and months. Having the odd night away is surely healthier than wishing you could and being unhappy. If you don't want to fine but there's absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little down time.
> 
> You can't equate the odd night away to parents being out all the time.Click to expand...
> 
> When did I say months and months? The odd night away is fine. But the OP isn't talking about the odd night away, she wants to do it every weekend.Click to expand...

I will re read thread... Every week is a bit excessive. Having a baby is a life changing responsibility. Nothing wrong with the odd night but every parent has to accept that they can't live the life they used to. Nor, really, should they want to...

Actually, I'm editing this. Who am I to judge? I have my own perspective which is by no means the right one. I bet LO will still grow up happy and healthy either way.


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## kates84

bunnyrabbit said:


> Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

Nobody wants you to feel bad hon, they are just explaining why they would or wouldn't do it. As everyone has said, you need to do what is right for you and your family. As I said before, if you would be less happy or more resentful if you don't do this, then it is absolutely best if you go for it. Just because a lot of us wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's going to hurt your baby x


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## ellismum

Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different? 

OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)


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## Noelle610

bunnyrabbit said:


> Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

It's totally normal to feel trapped and long for parts of your old life, I think. It's part of the grieving process of leaving behind the past and becoming a mother. I've felt that way and I totallyl get it. 

Why not just try LO with your parents and see how it goes?


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## Noelle610

ellismum said:


> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping so different?
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've witnessed it)

I think I was imaging the scenario from my perspective, since I already work 8:30-5:30, so weekends are my time with LO. Obviously I should not have made assumptions!


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## special_kala

ellismum said:


> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight *when LO is most likely to be sleeping so different?*
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

I wish 6 week old spent all night sleeping :haha:


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## smallpeanut

You chose to have a baby... In doing so you made a decision to leave your old life behind? You shouldn't resent your son for that at all, it was your choice. I do understand an odd night. Even perhaps fortnightly. But every week is very excessive. If your son was 4 doors away would you not feel guilty that you could be cuddling him to sleep but instead it is someone else? 

Just my opinion. Maybe I'm too attached?


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## smallpeanut

ellismum said:


> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

But working and having a social life are different reasons? There's a different intent behind it. Like I sad, maybe I'm just way too attached lol!


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## sevenofnine

bunnyrabbit said:


> Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and *I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated.* I love my son dearly *but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost*. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

Going out for a night partying is not a bad thing, we all need to relax. 

But honestly you have me not feeling so great about your comments here. You don't want to resent your son because you lost your old life? What did you think would happen when you have a baby? A baby is not like a job where you get weekends off... at least it's not supposed to. 

Do you think you might have post partum depression? Or is it just simply that you resent having a baby because you want to go out with friends instead?

And obviously you wouldn't watch your son while intoxicated, but you say that like leaving him with his grandparents is your ONLY option so that you can have some drinks. 

I know you must not have meant it that way. I would recommend getting some help or talking over some of these feelings with a doctor. It's normal to grieve some of your old life, but it is NOT normal to feel resentful of your baby just because you can't go out with friends, etc. :nope:


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## HanaK

kates84 said:


> bunnyrabbit said:
> 
> 
> Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost. Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?
> 
> Nobody wants you to feel bad hon, they are just explaining why they would or wouldn't do it. As everyone has said, you need to do what is right for you and your family. As I said before, if you would be less happy or more resentful if you don't do this, then it is absolutely best if you go for it. Just because a lot of us wouldn't do it doesn't mean it's going to hurt your baby xClick to expand...

OP I do understand how you feel as I felt the same at first. I don't think you should feel guilty for feeling that way either. 

Could you not still have a few glasses of wine with LO in bed? My husband and I still cook meals and share a bottle of wine with LO upstairs. Obviously you have to limit alcohol intake so that you are still sober, but you can still enjoy a drink/takeaway/film.

What about leaving LO with grandparents for an hour or two so you can go to the pub or get dinner?


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## SaraEmily

ellismum said:


> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

But the thing is, at least one of them has to be working already to afford these weekends away, so it's hard to imagine one or both parents working all week and then sending the baby away on weekends, which may be the only family time they'd get.


----------



## sevenofnine

smallpeanut said:


> ellismum said:
> 
> 
> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)
> 
> But working and having a social life are different reasons? There's a different intent behind it. Like I sad, maybe I'm just way too attached lol!Click to expand...

I think I'm too attached too... which can also be a bad thing! :haha:


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## Noelle610

I have to admit, I think some of you are being too hard on the OP. I like to think I'm a great mother, but I certainly grieved my old life and have at times resented my child. Obviously I adore her - and I hope you can see that from my activity on BnB - but I dont' think those feelngs are abnormal. Truthfully, I wish people would talk about it more and make it less taboo. It's a really hard transition from being "just you" to being a mother.


----------



## special_kala

sevenofnine said:


> smallpeanut said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ellismum said:
> 
> 
> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)
> 
> But working and having a social life are different reasons? There's a different intent behind it. Like I sad, maybe I'm just way too attached lol!Click to expand...
> 
> I think I'm too attached too... which can also be a bad thing! :haha:Click to expand...

I wouldnt say its too attached. To me its normal to not want them away from me (im not saying its abnormal for others)


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## staralfur

ellismum said:


> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)

That's not the same at all. Most people go back to work out of necessity. You're leaving your child at daycare because you need to make money to support them. 

If someone made a thread about putting their child in daycare from 8:30-5:30 so they could go hang out with friends, I would be willing to bet money that the reaction would be much the same as the OP is getting now. 

Anyway, I don't think having a 6 week old stay overnight at their grandparents' place is that unheard of. I've seen it posted a few times here. To me, every weekend does seem excessive. But it's not like she's signing a contract. OP, you could try it and see how it works. You can always decide not to continue doing it if you don't want to.


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## Kristin52

A lot of what I can say to most of this here is HA! 

OP- do what you want. 

I suffered from severe PPD, and I'm talking not sleeping, hearing voices and contemplating killing myself severe. I gave up Ryland the first chance I got and it saved my sanity along with the correct medication. ANYWHO! Resentment does happen, and even if you planned your child like I did, it still could happen. I never in a zillion years thought I would become a mom who enjoyed the time away but it happens. 


So follow your instincts as to what you want to do!


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## bunnyrabbit

Sevenofnine, I definitely do not have PND, I just want some time to myself, with my husband, with friends, having a drink. Grandparents offered the odd weekend but more likely it wold be once a week, every Friday or Saturday evening and I'd collect him first thing in the morning. 
Maybe resent was the wrong word, but I want To enjoy being a mother and find the balance between being me, being a wife and being a mother. I figured 1/7 days without my son wasn't too bad....but I guess my feelings are in the minority!


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## Sparrow85

Firstly, I left my baby at 2 weeks old for the first time and he stayed overnight with my parents. We had a housewarming that night! I needed to let off some steam and to be honest, I wasn't ready for it, as I was so tired. However, my LO has stayed at my parents on a thursday night every week since. In the early days when I was shattered, it was a godsend. I could a full nights sleep and a long lie, and I honestly think, it helped me be a better mum. My mum picks him up at 4pm on a Thursday and he comes back at 1pm on a Friday. I don't think there are two people closer than me and my mum, so I never worry about him when he's there. 

On a Thursday night, me and OH have a date night. We go out for dinner or we go to the cinema. I refuse to feel bad for that. I love my LO more than anything else in this world, but my and OH still need some 'us' time too. I've been on quite a few nights out too. If we both have a night out or something planned at the weekend, my mum comes here to put him to bed and stays overnight, as she works a saturday and a sunday and starts early. He doesn't stay overnight on the Thursday if I'm leaving him on the saturday. I honestly don't think I'm doing anything wrong and my LO has never suffered for it. He's spoiled so much at my parents and his eyes light up whenever he sees either of them.

As for the OP's last comment, I can relate. Please remember her baby is only 6 weeks old. I felt like I had been hit by a train the first 6 weeks. Nothing prepares you for having a baby, no matter how old you are. There were days I just hated my life and was wondering what I had done and why did I think it was a good idea to have a baby. I mourned my old life and for some, it's hard accepting that your life has changed so much. I don't feel like that now at all. I was over it by 8 weeks PP and wouldn't change this life for anything. I certainly didn't have depression. 

OP, do whatever you feel comfortable with. I, personally, couldn't leave my baby for a full weekend, every week but once a week for an overnight isn't that big a deal to me.


----------



## ellismum

staralfur said:


> ellismum said:
> 
> 
> Yet no one would blink an eyelid if they both have to return to work and LO is put in nursery 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Why is 12 hours overnight when LO is most likely to be sleeping with family so different?
> 
> OP, don't feel bad or in different. Lots of parents on here probably have the same arrangement or would love to but can't (like me!) but don't speak out about it because there is a sense of "well, you can't love your baby/you're a bad mum" (not on this thread I hasten to add but in the 4+ years I've been a member ive witnessed it)
> 
> That's not the same at all. Most people go back to work out of necessity. You're leaving your child at daycare because you need to make money to support them.
> 
> If someone made a thread about putting their child in daycare from 8:30-5:30 so they could go hang out with friends, I would be willing to bet money that the reaction would be much the same as the OP is getting now.
> 
> Anyway, I don't think having a 6 week old stay overnight at their grandparents' place is that unheard of. I've seen it posted a few times here. To me, every weekend does seem excessive. But it's not like she's signing a contract. OP, you could try it and see how it works. You can always decide not to continue doing it if you don't want to.Click to expand...

And for some the need to have "date night" or time with friends is necesity for their own relationship or sanity. Ultimately the end result is the same, child is away from the parent. And there have been threads where parents have been slammed for returning to work f/t or if their a SAHM for a break and put LO is nursery. Madness!


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## ellismum

Noelle610 said:


> I have to admit, I think some of you are being too hard on the OP. I like to think I'm a great mother, but I certainly grieved my old life and have at times resented my child. Obviously I adore her - and I hope you can see that from my activity on BnB - but I dont' think those feelngs are abnormal. Truthfully, I wish people would talk about it more and make it less taboo. It's a really hard transition from being "just you" to being a mother.

Oh defiantly!!! I've really struggled and recieved councelling last year as my Dr red flagged me (depression runs in my family, my Mum suffers severely) Even now I still get times where I wish I could turn the clock back 5 years or put my fantasy of picking up my passport and heading on the next plane out of here and dissappear forever. Its a bloody hard struggle, we have no immediate family who can help, I've only had 2 nights since Ellis was born where me and my OH have gone out as a couple and our relationship is strained.


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## SaraEmily

I guess I just have trouble relating, since the need to be away from LO is completely foreign to me. Not saying that makes me a better mom, we're just all different and need to do what's best for us.


----------



## Noelle610

ellismum said:


> Noelle610 said:
> 
> 
> I have to admit, I think some of you are being too hard on the OP. I like to think I'm a great mother, but I certainly grieved my old life and have at times resented my child. Obviously I adore her - and I hope you can see that from my activity on BnB - but I dont' think those feelngs are abnormal. Truthfully, I wish people would talk about it more and make it less taboo. It's a really hard transition from being "just you" to being a mother.
> 
> Oh defiantly!!! I've really struggled and recieved councelling last year as my Dr red flagged me (depression runs in my family, my Mum suffers severely) Even now I still get times where I wish I could turn the clock back 5 years or put my fantasy of picking up my passport and heading on the next plane out of here and dissappear forever. Its a bloody hard struggle, we have no immediate family who can help, I've only had 2 nights since Ellis was born where me and my OH have gone out as a couple and our relationship is strained.Click to expand...

For sure! I love, love, love my child, but I'd by lying if I said there weren't days when I wish DH and I could fly to Mexico and lay at the beach on a whim.


----------



## Noelle610

SaraEmily said:


> I guess I just have trouble relating, since the need to be away from LO is completely foreign to me. Not saying that makes me a better mom, we're just all different and need to do what's best for us.

I felt that way too, for a long time. I left Charlie twice with my DH for one night (less than 24 hours) during her first year and I found that so hard. But it has changed as she's gotten older. We just left her with someone else for the first time ever (FIL) for a night. My best friend got married recently and I was her maid of honor, so I felt we really needed to be there until the bitter end and it made sense to stay over. We had a fantastic time and Charlie had a great time (FIL is super fun). Now I'm dying to do it again!


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## m_t_rose

My kids stay at their grandparents every Saturday night and gues what I don't feel guilty at all. I am with them 6 days week from the time they get up until they go to bed. Usually they go over 15 or 20 minutes before bed then I get them back at church at 10:00 so I don't see them for only around 4 hours of awake time. That is way less time way from them then someone who works full or part time. I also think that my kids bonding with their grandparents is extremely important and I want them to have multiple people in their life who they are close with. Don't be made to feel bad for wanting a break being away from your baby for only a few awake hours is no big deal and I think it has made me a better mother


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## tinytabby

I can definitely relate to wishing I was as free as I was before I have a baby.

But I have a baby. I know she needs me and her routine. So I've never left her overnight and we have made lots of compromises to put her first in every aspect of our lives. I'm an old parent (36) and I've found it hard to adjust to this new life.

I've only been on 2 dates with oh in 11 months. Having a baby has impacted our relationship. But it's slowly getting better.

Everyone's different though. My lo's grandparents probably wouldn't be up to taking her all night (yet). If you want to leave yours overnight then go for it. 6 weeks seems a bit young to me though.


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## kimberleyrobx

Emily as a baby stayed with her grand parents once a week every week for a few months. Now she will happily leave OH and me to go to her grannies. She loves days out and doesn't care who she is with as long as she is with someone she knows. She'd move in with her grand parents if she could, there'd be no doubt about it! Rest assured, your LO will be in safe hands xx


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## readytotry

Why shouldn't the op go out and have fun if the baby is safe and happy being looked after by loving grandparents. I'm an old codger so can't imagine going out every week anymore, but seriously what harm is being done. The baby may well be asleep most of the time and as he/she gets older and more alert it'll be used to it anyway.


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## bumpy_j

Hmm - odd night off, sure! Personally, I wouldn't go out every weekend at that age or at the age LO is now because as some people have said, I feel like I would be missing out on his tiny years and regret it in hindsight. I doubt it will have any negative effect on your LO though.


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## Rachel_C

Personally I wouldn't do it, especially with such a very young baby, but maybe if it's going to be a regular thing anyway it could be better to get the baby used to it now. I'm not sure.

However, assuming your partner works week days, I would not have the grandparents take the baby for the whole weekend, or even one full day of the weekend. When would baby see daddy? Maybe in the evenings, depending on when baby sleeps, but after work isn't the best time to play, at least not for my OH after a long day working! Maybe a week night would be better, if the grandparents can do that? Grandparents could take baby from Weds afternoon till Thurs afternoon... mum and dad could go on a midweek date if they wanted or mum could just enjoy the house to herself and a lie in! Or grandparents could take baby on Friday afternoon/evening (depending on if they work) - good night for a 'date' and baby could come home after lunch on Saturday so parents get a nice lie in but baby still spends most of the weekend with dad. If we had to do that for some reason, I would try and work out something like that anyway.

ETA - Also, one thing I would make absolutely sure to do is not commit to anything, either side. Do it week by week so nobody assumes anything. It would be awful if mum and dad decided they didn't want to do it any more but grandma and grandad had their hearts set on it, or even if the grandparents found it too hard but didn't feel able to say anything.


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## babyblog

It's fine to leave your baby with loving grandparents when you want. Honestly, I dislike the idea that it's somehow not taking on full responsibility for your child, of course you are- you're arranging care with family members. Just because you're a parent you dont need to be tied to your baby 24/7- back in the day other family members helped to raise babies, and I like that way of doing things. My sons live going for sleepovers and if it gives you time to relax and enjoy other things then you're going to be a happier and healthier parent when baby comes back home :)


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## babyblog

SaraEmily said:


> I couldn't even imagine leaving LO for a few hours at that age, much less over night. I have to agree with the other posters, every weekend is excessive. I know you're young, but parenting is a full time job, and you can't really have the best of both worlds.

But the OP can as she has the support of her parents!


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## SaraEmily

I can definitely understand how having nights away would make someone a happier parent, but not if that parent is hungover when they get the baby back. Especially being hungover with a 6 week old. That sounds awful.


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## HanaK

babyblog said:


> It's fine to leave your baby with loving grandparents when you want. Honestly, I dislike the idea that it's somehow not taking on full responsibility for your child, of course you are- you're arranging care with family members. Just because you're a parent you dnt need to be tied to your baby 24/7- back in the day other family members helped to aisle babies, and I like that way of doing things. My sons live going for sleepovers and if it gives you time to relax and enjoy other things then you're going to be a happier and healthier parent when baby comes back home :)

Summed up very nicely.

OP, the fact that you've given it this much consideration proves you're a good mum. It's your prerogative and as long as your conscience is clear (I'm by no means suggesting it shouldn't be) then whatever you decide is the right decision.


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## Unexpected212

My son is 9 months and we first stayed away for two nights without him the other week for our honeymoon and it sucked!

I've let him have overnighters at my mums from around 6 weeks old. Maybe 5-6 times in total (but my mom literally lives like 2 doors down so it doensn't scare me cos I can go to him if I miss him in the night)


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## sevenofnine

bunnyrabbit said:


> Sevenofnine, I definitely do not have PND, I just want some time to myself, with my husband, with friends, having a drink. Grandparents offered the odd weekend but more likely it wold be once a week, every Friday or Saturday evening and I'd collect him first thing in the morning.
> Maybe resent was the wrong word, but I want To enjoy being a mother and find the balance between being me, being a wife and being a mother. I figured 1/7 days without my son wasn't too bad....but I guess my feelings are in the minority!

I was truly just wondering, as of course we can't tell here in the internet world if you're just wanting a night out or if it's because of something like depression. 

In the end it is up to you as a parent. It was important for me to find a balance in my own way, and you will find your balance in your own way. That's all there is to it. (Although of course everyone, myself included, will have their opinions!)


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## aliss

I do see both sides of this - it is worth mentioning (at least if I could talk to myself 3 years ago), that there is also no need to rush back either. I dunno, maybe I'm just old as I'm usually half asleep by 8pm. I really couldn't imagine properly going out and drinking so soon postpartum. There is certainly an adjustment period that is worth going through, I know it seems an eternity, but it doesn't have to be a rush either. Your baby will be in good hands no matter what you choose, but I think rushing back to the 'old life' can create more problems too in the long run. I guess I wish I had just slowed down. That's just me.


----------



## kates84

sevenofnine said:


> bunnyrabbit said:
> 
> 
> Sevenofnine, I definitely do not have PND, I just want some time to myself, with my husband, with friends, having a drink. Grandparents offered the odd weekend but more likely it wold be once a week, every Friday or Saturday evening and I'd collect him first thing in the morning.
> Maybe resent was the wrong word, but I want To enjoy being a mother and find the balance between being me, being a wife and being a mother. I figured 1/7 days without my son wasn't too bad....but I guess my feelings are in the minority!
> 
> I was truly just wondering, as of course we can't tell here in the internet world if you're just wanting a night out or if it's because of something like depression.Click to expand...

I don't think you can be too careful with PND to be honest. I've had gentle inquiries during some of my more wobbly moments and while I don't think I have it, I appreciate people reminding me to sort of keep an eye on my own state of mind because these things can come over you without one knowing.


----------



## Gym knickers

I think everybody is different, I have a friend with a five week old baby and she has been out at least 8 times that I know of so far for spa days, meals, night out, cinema trips etc. I find it totally mind boggling as the baby was very much wanted but she seems totally unwilling to change her lifestyle in any way for her child, she gave up breastfeeding so she could drink wine in the evenings. I left my lo overnight for the first time when she was 8 weeks for a pre planned night out, I had expressed for days in advance and was very anxious about it but I really enjoyed it and felt I needed it but I missed her way too much. I've done it once more since and she's 6 months old but I do leave her with her gran for an hour here or there maybe once a month. I have a friend who think what I do is too much and didn't leave her baby at all until she was 18 months. What I'm trying to say is that everyone has their idea of what's ok and what's not. I can't judge as I know others are judging me.


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## sevenofnine

aliss said:


> I do see both sides of this - it is worth mentioning (at least if I could talk to myself 3 years ago), that there is also no need to rush back either. I dunno, maybe I'm just old as I'm usually half asleep by 8pm. I really couldn't imagine properly going out and drinking so soon postpartum. There is certainly an adjustment period that is worth going through, I know it seems an eternity, but it doesn't have to be a rush either. Your baby will be in good hands no matter what you choose, but I think rushing back to the 'old life' can create more problems too in the long run. I guess I wish I had just slowed down. That's just me.

This is a good point. I think it's really important to figure out how to live your new, adjusted life with LO. It certainly took me longer than 6 weeks to figure everything out. It honestly probably wasn't until 3+ months that I personally started to feel normal again! :thumbup:


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## XJessicaX

*thinks*

Not sure how I feel, I possibly may ramble. I think the key to bringing up any child is stability and love and if to get that the parents need an evening/night away to feel themselves and to be invigorated for the week ahead then I don't see the issue. Its not something I would have wanted to do at 6 weeks PP but we all have different needs. I would say now is a nice time to have the odd evening away because I presume in a couple of months that wont be possible so frequently. Babies tend to get increasingly harder to settle etc and I would have thought handing a child who is in the midst of the 4 month sleep regression would be a bit much!


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## kissesandhugs

Gosh, I feel really bad for the OP right now. Anyways, I'll put my two cents in. I was like you when I had LO and wanted to have a night away every weekend. Except it wasn't every weekend it was every other weekend. Honestly, after a couple months of that I realized "wtf am I doing?" I don't want to say I regret it but I do. My LO loved staying at gma and gpas but it just didn't feel right to me. Now it's been about 2.5-3 months since I even went out and honestly that's a big adjustment compared to the every other weekend. And honestly I don't feel that NEED to go out anymore, at all! Sure I'd like a drink but LO is still nursing during the night and it's a pain in the ASS to get bottles ready. What I'm staying is, I think going out and hanging out with friends is PERFECTLY fine. Apparently some people "_PERSONALLY_" could never do that, well who the hell cares..that's them not you. BUT limit it, if you could. Not for your baby necessarily but for you..so you don't regret missing out on moments you can never get back. I wish I would've stayed home a lot more than I did :/


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## kimberleyrobx

I don see why everyone is getting their knickers in a twist. Every parent needs (wants) a day off now and again and it shouldn't matter if its once a month or once a week. Emily stayed my mum every Saturday from birth to about 6 months old. Of course I missed her like crazy, but it gave me a day to myself to get all the house work done and then left me a few hours to spend time with just OH and me and we'd either go to the cinema or stay in and watch tv or do our own thing. Every baby is very much wanted, and for me that night away from my baby let me have a full nights undisturbed sleep and left me feeling AMAZING the next day and ready for my baby back. Give OP a break, everyone needs 'me time!' xx


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## kates84

I haven't noticed anyone getting their knickers in a twist or being rude. The OP asked for thoughts, people have said whether they would do it or not and why and a few side conversations have taken place. I think it's all very civil in here so far.


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## feedindy

I would love some "me" time and if I were the OP I would do it. But in my case I would love a lunch date with just me and DH every weekend, as I am usually in bed by 10 pm!

Think about how much excitement it must be for the grandparents! I hope when my kids have their own babies, I get sleepovers with them. 

I haven't yet had my kids have sleepovers with grandparents, just because I BF so it's inconvenient. But my mom asked today if my older child could stay over for a night. I can't see why not.


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## onetwothreebp

Damn, some of you are really vicious.

The quote "it takes a village to raise a child" exists for a reason.


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## kissesandhugs

kates84 said:


> I haven't notice anyone getting their knickers in a twist or being rude. The OP asked for thoughts, people have said whether they would do it or not and why and a few side conversations have taken place. I think it's all very civil in here so far.

I can't say that anybody has been straight forward rude but the "I personally could never leave my child at such a young age, I personally could never leave my child (in general), You chose to be a parent and need to take responsibilities" etc etc. They're not rude, and they're all opinions but if I read something like that due to a choice of mine it would hurt to think I'm a lesser parent bc I "_personally_" COULD have night to myself at a young age. Again, they're all opinions which is fine and dandy but I feel like people write things a bit harshly to get their point across sometimes!


----------



## kates84

kissesandhugs said:


> kates84 said:
> 
> 
> I haven't notice anyone getting their knickers in a twist or being rude. The OP asked for thoughts, people have said whether they would do it or not and why and a few side conversations have taken place. I think it's all very civil in here so far.
> 
> I can't say that anybody has been straight forward rude but the "I personally could never leave my child at such a young age, I personally could never leave my child (in general), You chose to be a parent and need to take responsibilities" etc etc. They're not rude, and they're all opinions but if I r ead something like that due to a choice of mine it would hurt to think I'm a lesser parent bc I "_personally_" COULD have night to myself at a young age. Again, they're all opinions which is fine and dandy but I feel like people write things a bit harshly to get their point across sometimes!Click to expand...

Hmm when you put it like that.....I understand where you're coming from.

I think it's kind of deviated from the OP's specific position and in to personal feelings about whether people are comfortable leaving their babies in general and if so for what reason and how long for etc - which is probably not helpful to her.

I really don't think anyone is being deliberately nasty though on either side of the discussion


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## staralfur

I don't know. I have a friend who goes on about how she would never leave her baby overnight or in daycare before she's 2. It doesn't really bother me and I don't see why it would. Everyone is comfortable with different things. I wouldn't personally leave my baby at 6 weeks, but that's my own choice based on my own circumstances. I'm not saying it to make anyone else feel bad that they would, because they have their own circumstances and their own thoughts on how they want to raise their baby. 

I think the only comment that's been borderline "mean" was sevonofnine's original comment and she's clearly made an effort throughout the thread to not be judgmental and it seems pretty clear that her intent behind the comment wasn't malicious. Everyone else has said "These are my thoughts on the subject, but everyone is different."


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## topsy

Hi

OP You need to do what works for you and your family hun.

I leave my LO twice a week with grandparents we drop him of and hour before bed and then he comes back between 9-10am the following morning unless hubby is on annual leave then we get him at 8 :) We have done this since dec so LO was older than OP LO (10 montsh old), and this was recommend by a social worker and my psychiatrist as I had severe PND/psychosis (was in a mother and baby unit at the time for 10 weeks at the time) My LO has a fantastic bond with my parents (they help care for me and him 2-3 days a week even now as I still have mental health problems) On the nights my parents have LO I take sleeping tablets and that means that the night he is with us I dont and get up to him if need be.

Before I went into hospital DH and I would spend 1 night a week at my parents and LO would stay in my parents room and they would look after him till 7-8am, we would put him to bed then watch an dvd and sleep in my old room. This worked well for us as I didnt want to leave him before then.


xxxx


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## Shadowy Lady

At 6 weeks I wouldn't even leave her for one night let alone one night per Week. And I was exhausted too so was my DH but she was too young. To each their own and i know babies who have stayed away overnight as young as your LO. No one I know does it every week though.


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## smallpeanut

I don't believe anyone here has been 'vicious' what a strong word to use :s


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## doggylover

I ebf and LO won't take a bottle so I get no time out (unless you count a shower while she naps :haha:) and I can't even contemplate leaving her overnight any time soon (she's 15 weeks)

BUT

do what feels best for you and LO. Don't listen to all the people here basically saying you won't give up your old life to be a 'good' parent. Why should you have to give up who you are? Being a parent is just one side of you, go out, have fun, let your hair down!! 

And this, btw, is coming from someone who has totally devoted every waking second of the last 15 weeks to her child, and I have no desire to ever leave her!! :haha:


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## sevenofnine

kissesandhugs said:


> kates84 said:
> 
> 
> I haven't notice anyone getting their knickers in a twist or being rude. The OP asked for thoughts, people have said whether they would do it or not and why and a few side conversations have taken place. I think it's all very civil in here so far.
> 
> I can't say that anybody has been straight forward rude but the "I personally could never leave my child at such a young age, I personally could never leave my child (in general), You chose to be a parent and need to take responsibilities" etc etc. They're not rude, and they're all opinions but if I read something like that due to a choice of mine it would hurt to think I'm a lesser parent bc I "_personally_" COULD have night to myself at a young age. Again, they're all opinions which is fine and dandy but I feel like people write things a bit harshly to get their point across sometimes!Click to expand...

I thought that the whole point of using the word "personally" was to make the point that it's your own personal decision? So I don't think people were trying to be rude... they were just giving their opinions.

But, I digress. :haha:

In the end, as other posters have said, if everyone is happy with the situation, then the OP should have no problems.

:comp:


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## ispeakinsongs

I wouldn't leave her overnight with anyone until she is a lot older. Just what I would do!


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## kissesandhugs

sevenofnine said:


> kissesandhugs said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kates84 said:
> 
> 
> I haven't notice anyone getting their knickers in a twist or being rude. The OP asked for thoughts, people have said whether they would do it or not and why and a few side conversations have taken place. I think it's all very civil in here so far.
> 
> I can't say that anybody has been straight forward rude but the "I personally could never leave my child at such a young age, I personally could never leave my child (in general), You chose to be a parent and need to take responsibilities" etc etc. They're not rude, and they're all opinions but if I read something like that due to a choice of mine it would hurt to think I'm a lesser parent bc I "_personally_" COULD have night to myself at a young age. Again, they're all opinions which is fine and dandy but I feel like people write things a bit harshly to get their point across sometimes!Click to expand...
> 
> I thought that the whole point of using the word "personally" was to make the point that it's your own personal decision? So I don't think people were trying to be rude... they were just giving their opinions.
> 
> But, I digress. :haha:
> 
> In the end, as other posters have said, if everyone is happy with the situation, then the OP should have no problems.
> 
> :comp:Click to expand...

Well yeah technically it is but I know I've said it before and it was my way of saying "wow, you would really do that? I NEVER could" Yeah I've been known to be catty myself sometimes so I know the "sly" way of saying things....not proudly :rolleyes:


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## Scottish mum

Nobody and I mean nobody can judge!! Big deal leaving lo at 6 weeks!! I did so oh and I could have a date night. My mum and dad are fantastic and are very switched on with my son maybe if I didn't have that support I wouldn't! And I think that's where folks opinions differ!! 

You do what you need to do I get fed up with all the bloody mother Teresa's on here lol!


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## special_kala

I say "personally" alot on here. Just because i think what im doing is right it doesnt mean im saying what others do is wrong.

I know im right and other people who make different decisions know they are :shrug:


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## kissesandhugs

Don't get me wrong, I use "personally" as well but when saying it while dealing with a controversial topic...I see it in a different way. I'm not saying everyone who said "personally" was meaning it in a bad way, but not everyone was saying it under angelic tendencies either!


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## onetwothreebp

smallpeanut said:


> I don't believe anyone here has been 'vicious' what a strong word to use :s

I disagree. I think a lot of people were harsh on her. I mean, for pages people discussed how she shouldn't be partying and it's time to grow up because she chose to have a child and in the end, a different commenter brought up partying, the OP didn't. 

I think you can say things like "in my opinion" and "personally" but still get a negative point of view across.


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## Twister

I wouldn't have been able to leave my baby at 6 weeks old, especially not over night. But I totally understand that some people can and do. I do however think that all weekend, every weekend is excessive. Especially if Daddy works during the week. I don't see the big deal with it happening every once in a while, or even just one evening/night a week. I haven't left my LO for longer than 2 hours at a time, but I do have a few things planned after her first birthday for me and oh which will require her to stay at her grandparents/great grandparents house over night. But I don't feel comfortable with leaving her over night just yet.

I also grieve my old life even now, so I totally get where you're coming from there. It's a big adjustment.


----------



## sevenofnine

kissesandhugs said:


> sevenofnine said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kissesandhugs said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> kates84 said:
> 
> 
> I haven't notice anyone getting their knickers in a twist or being rude. The OP asked for thoughts, people have said whether they would do it or not and why and a few side conversations have taken place. I think it's all very civil in here so far.
> 
> I can't say that anybody has been straight forward rude but the "I personally could never leave my child at such a young age, I personally could never leave my child (in general), You chose to be a parent and need to take responsibilities" etc etc. They're not rude, and they're all opinions but if I read something like that due to a choice of mine it would hurt to think I'm a lesser parent bc I "_personally_" COULD have night to myself at a young age. Again, they're all opinions which is fine and dandy but I feel like people write things a bit harshly to get their point across sometimes!Click to expand...
> 
> I thought that the whole point of using the word "personally" was to make the point that it's your own personal decision? So I don't think people were trying to be rude... they were just giving their opinions.
> 
> But, I digress. :haha:
> 
> In the end, as other posters have said, if everyone is happy with the situation, then the OP should have no problems.
> 
> :comp:Click to expand...
> 
> Well yeah technically it is but I know I've said it before and it was my way of saying "wow, you would really do that? I NEVER could" Yeah I've been known to be catty myself sometimes so I know the "sly" way of saying things....not proudly :rolleyes:Click to expand...

LOL OK I can see where you're coming from with athat. I guess that's another thing... it's so hard [impossible] to read intonation online. I am naive and reading everything as pleasant[ish] conversation! :rofl:

I think we need a feature where we record our thread responses so others can play them back and hear HOW we say it... :haha:


----------



## smallpeanut

onetwothreebp said:


> smallpeanut said:
> 
> 
> I don't believe anyone here has been 'vicious' what a strong word to use :s
> 
> I disagree. I think a lot of people were harsh on her. I mean, for pages people discussed how she shouldn't be partying and it's time to grow up because she chose to have a child and in the end, a different commenter brought up partying, the OP didn't.
> 
> I think you can say things like "in my opinion" and "personally" but still get a negative point of view across.Click to expand...

IMO vicious would be posting with the intent to upset the op. She asked is it bad parenting. I don't agree with leaving my baby every week. I put my opinion across but said maybe its just me and I'm to attached. I made it light hearted. 

I dont see why everyone is expected to fluff up a post however when asked for opinions. People disagree. What works for some obviously won't work for others. I also think people are quick to get offended :shrug: don't ask for opinions if it's going to upset you when people don't agree. No ones been nasty with it.


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## aliss

I left Alex several nights per week starting a few weeks later (9 weeks), 7pm-7am, although I was at work. I didn't have to work, I chose to. I wanted a bit of normalcy and to maintain my life. I do actually regret it, because looking back, I was trying to force my old life back in rather than focus on bonding in those critical early months. I guess now, in hindsight, I am of the opinion that 6 weeks should be spent in a robe snuggled on the couch if possible. I wish I had done that. That's just ME of course and I'm sure plenty of people are fine with the choice they made (to go out) but it's another thing to consider.


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## tinytabby

I am not sure why the op actually asked the question - she wouldn't have thought everyone would agree, it's a contentious issue.


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## tinytabby

aliss said:


> I left Alex several nights per week starting a few weeks later (9 weeks), 7pm-7am, although I was at work. I didn't have to work, I chose to. I wanted a bit of normalcy and to maintain my life. I do actually regret it, because looking back, I was trying to force my old life back in rather than focus on bonding in those critical early months. I guess now, in hindsight, I am of the opinion that 6 weeks should be spent in a robe snuggled on the couch if possible. I wish I had done that. That's just ME of course and I'm sure plenty of people are fine with the choice they made (to go out) but it's another thing to consider.

I have to say, I have endured comments from other mothers when I went back to work (part time when LO was 8 months) 'oh I could never leave my LO like that.' It sucks, but I think working is different from 'escaping' from your child!


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## SaraEmily

I know the OP has stated that she was actually looking for reassurance, but she asked for OPINIONS, and people have given theirs. Nobody has called OP a bad mom, so I don't see a problem.


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## onetwothreebp

She asked for reassurance, not assumptions that she was partying, lol. However, she doesn't seem offended and most posters have been polite in their opinioned replies.


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## icklemonster

We go out every fortnight for a datenight or night out with friends while Charlotte stays with either set of Grandparents for the evening. I express milk during the week to give me the break. Admittedly, she hasn't been away from us all night as we stay at their house after we've been out, but this is because we live out of town, so it makes sense to stay theirs. Nor do I get drunk, but I do often have a couple of glasses of wine.

I was bought up staying at my Grandparents every Saturday night to give my mum a break. And do you know what, I loved it. OK, so Nan used to spoil me rotten, but that was as negative as it got. I am super close to both my Mum and Grandparents, in fact my whole family, is very close knit, and until I moved out here, everyone lived within 2 miles of eachother. I guess as I grew up with this routine, and I consider myself a well turned out individual, it is the norm to leave LO. I am surprised some people see it as such a negative. For me, going out every week is too much - but probably only because I'm 30 and too old to go out every week lol - my Mum was only 20 when she had me. 

I don't go back to work until January and DH works in our village, so we spend so much time with Charlotte. When I do return to work 3 days a week, the Grandparents are sharing daycare so it is vital to me that Charlotte is comfortable and happy with them.
Yes my life has changed immensely having a baby, but not completely. I truly believe you can have a regular night out and still be an amazing parent. Also, datenights are so good for mine and DH's relationship. 

OP - if the situation suits you go for it! xxx


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## smallpeanut

She didn't ask for reassurance. She expected it prehaps. Either way she is opening up for different replies which she got. I'm certainly not vicious ;) we all disagree. It doesn't make us bad people. That's the beauty of the Internet. Take what you need and ignore the rest.


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## SaraEmily

onetwothreebp said:


> She asked for reassurance, not assumptions that she was partying, lol. However, she doesn't seem offended and most posters have been polite in their opinioned replies.

I'm pretty sure people mentioned partying because the OP said she wanted to have drinks with friends. And she originally asked for honest opinions.


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## Noelle610

I think we're going in circles here now :haha: 

Here's my takeaway from everyone's responses:


Try one night and see how you feel
Every weekend may be too much
Every person has a different comfort level when it comes to being apart from their child
It's normal to grieve your old life when you have a new baby
Time away can be refreshing 
You may find you miss the baby and would prefer to stay on the couch and cuddle

Did I miss anything?

BnB hug?? :hugs:


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## smallpeanut

Aint nothing like a BnB hug to put everything right!

Count me in....


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## Nela

This is my opinion, and my opinion only. What works for one, doesn't work for another. Some people fall into the role more naturally, some people need more time finding that comfort and juggling various aspects of life. Whilst I would not do it weekly myself, I certainly would be open to going out here and there when I want to if I have someone I am 100% comfortable watching over LO. (I don't have a social life so it's really not in my nature to want out but I am sure I will appreciate some alone time with OH once baby is here) I think if it helps you destress and have a better appreciation for the time you do have with your LO, then that could be a good thing. I'd be very careful about drinking too much (just saying, not assuming you would) as you are still a mom above all and need to be able to react and stay in control if something were to happen even while LO is not in your care. But anywho, myself, I would rather a mom be able to admit that she needs time away than she force herself to stay home while she's feeling like she needs a break and cannot escape. I don't think that's much better really. I also think that since things are new, it might be a more overwhelming time and that routine still needs to be established so things might settle to the point where you don't feel the need to go out as much to escape as often. Maybe it won't change, that's your choice. If you can balance it all and if it makes you a better mom because it makes you happier, and in turn makes it easier for you to look after LO then hey, go for it. Just be careful not to overdo it so you don't tire yourself more. :flower:


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## sevenofnine

Noelle610 said:


> I think we're going in circles here now :haha:
> 
> Here's my takeaway from everyone's responses:
> 
> 
> Try one night and see how you feel
> Every weekend may be too much
> Every person has a different comfort level when it comes to being apart from their child
> It's normal to grieve your old life when you have a new baby
> Time away can be refreshing
> You may find you miss the baby and would prefer to stay on the couch and cuddle
> 
> Did I miss anything?
> 
> BnB hug?? :hugs:

The mods should erase everything and just leave this! :haha:

:hugs2:


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## HanaK

Nela said:


> I also think that since things are new, it might be a more overwhelming time and that routine still needs to be established so things might settle to the point where you don't feel the need to go out as much to escape as often. Maybe it won't change, that's your choice. If you can balance it all and if it makes you a better mom because it makes you happier, and in turn makes it easier for you to look after LO then hey, go for it. Just be careful not to overdo it so you don't tire yourself more. :flower:

The first six weeks are VERY hard and *whispers* very boring... I hated them. If I could have given my LO to someone else at times I would. Now though, we have our evenings back as he goes to bed and I don't feel so trapped. In fact, I don't feel the need to have LO babysat too often (we have plenty of willing babysitters) as OH and I get time to ourselves each evening. On Friday we had friends round and LO was fussed over until we put him to bed. Once asleep (8pm) we sat in the garden, drinking beer and eating pizza. The only difference from my previous life was that we kicked everyone out at 11pm instead of the small hours... This suits me better anyways as I like my sleep and I hate hangovers!

Anyway, my point is, your life doesn't have to change *completely*, although it certainly feels like it might have at the beginning.. You can get it back!


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## babyrough

I don't see an issue, i take my LO to my mums ALL the time because they have a great relationship, he loves being there! I stayed at my Grandparents most weekends, and if i wasn't there i was at my dads. I Loved it as i got older!
My mum has LO if i ever want to go out with friends, its not every weekend but probably once a month. i first left him overnight at 4 weeks old- and i missed him so much but i didnt feel guilty one bit. 
Do whatever works for you 
:)


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## jessicatunnel

HanaK said:


> Nela said:
> 
> 
> I also think that since things are new, it might be a more overwhelming time and that routine still needs to be established so things might settle to the point where you don't feel the need to go out as much to escape as often. Maybe it won't change, that's your choice. If you can balance it all and if it makes you a better mom because it makes you happier, and in turn makes it easier for you to look after LO then hey, go for it. Just be careful not to overdo it so you don't tire yourself more. :flower:
> 
> The first six weeks are VERY hard and *whispers* very boring... I hated them. If I could have given my LO to someone else at times I would. Now though, we have our evenings back as he goes to bed and I don't feel so trapped. In fact, I don't feel the need to have LO babysat too often (we have plenty of willing babysitters) as OH and I get time to ourselves each evening. On Friday we had friends round and LO was fussed over until we put him to bed. Once asleep (8pm) we sat in the garden, drinking beer and eating pizza. The only difference from my previous life was that we kicked everyone out at 11pm instead of the small hours... This suits me better anyways as I like my sleep and I hate hangovers!
> 
> Anyway, my point is, your life doesn't have to change *completely*, although it certainly feels like it might have at the beginning.. You can get it back!Click to expand...

This is what we do. Once a month or so we will have friends over at our house, barbecue, have pizza, beers in the backyard just general fun. We enjoy this because its in our own home, lo is right upstairs and we never ever get drunk so that if she needs us, we are right there for her in the right state of mind. Its our way of being parents but still having a piece of our old life back. I think its absolutely normal to miss your old life, especially when the baby wasn't planned. Ours was and I still grieved my old life back, especially in the early days. 
We've found something that works for us where we can still be parents and hang out with friends like we used to, its what we are comfortable with, so I think the op just needs to find a right balance, something she is comfortable with. If that's leaving her baby with grandparents one night a week, so be it.


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## MetalMaiden

I hate even leaving my baby for 2 hours with her grandparents (and not because I don't trust them), that's just me. They offered at 6 weeks many times while I was in the province visiting but I said hell no. She still hasn't been away from me overnight (or longer than 3 hours). Do what u need to do... Were u ready for a baby? Guess it's none of my business...


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## tinytabby

I'll bet nobody is really truly ready for a baby!


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## staralfur

tinytabby said:


> I'll bet nobody is really truly ready for a baby!

Agree. I think even if the baby is planned and you've read every book and babysat your nieces/nephews, and worked at a daycare... you're never going to realize what an impact having your own baby will have on your life.


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## Dk1234

My friend does this to go out and I find it really bad when I think about it. But maybe it's because I am not confident enough to do the same and I'm jealous of all her time, who knows. But regardless, who cares what anyone on here thinks. I guarenttee my friend could care less what I think about her doing it. She still has a very active social life and seems pretty happy about it.


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## beth_terri

I wish someone would take my kids for a night to give me and my oh a date night. We went out for a meal on valentines day leaving the kids for about 2 hours but we havent had a night without them since before my 1 year old was born. But every weekend? And from 6 weeks? Not for me! I'm a young mum of 2 but just don't have the sort of family that like to help out. 

My oh used to go to his grandparents every weekend. What he remembers is spending all week at school, then the weekends at his grandparents. He doesn't remember spending much quality time with his parents. 

But I guess as the parents it's your choice to do what you're comfortable with.


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## Scottish mum

Sorry I don't think it's anything to do with how well you've settled into motherhood I think it just depends on you as a couple! 

We leave lo once every two months overnight sometimes twice depending on plans. 

You know what if the op wants a night out to party so what!! Just because she's a mum she's can't be out with friends. I'm crazed as some of the replies haha I mean there was only a post on here the other day about mums trying to out do and not support one another, now some are challenging why you shouldn't leave your lo! 

There are extremes of course, there are people who do take the piss and maybe it's a child welfare thing, but to have a night off does not mean your not taking to motherhood lol. My god!


----------



## kissesandhugs

MetalMaiden said:


> I hate even leaving my baby for 2 hours with her grandparents (and not because I don't trust them), that's just me. They offered at 6 weeks many times while I was in the province visiting but I said hell no. She still hasn't been away from me overnight (or longer than 3 hours). Do what u need to do... Were u ready for a baby? Guess it's none of my business...

:wacko: prime example. Rude...


----------



## Scottish mum

Metal maiden what!!!! I can't believe what I'm reading! Are you for real! My lo was planned we have good jobs and a good home to raise him oh and he's spoilt rotten by the way but you know what... There are times when you need adult time to have a glass of wine and catch up, but not that I need to explain myself but I for one would never say to you that there's something not right with you as your not having any time out! 

You must be a cave woman lol


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## Dk1234

kissesandhugs said:


> MetalMaiden said:
> 
> 
> I hate even leaving my baby for 2 hours with her grandparents (and not because I don't trust them), that's just me. They offered at 6 weeks many times while I was in the province visiting but I said hell no. She still hasn't been away from me overnight (or longer than 3 hours). Do what u need to do... Were u ready for a baby? Guess it's none of my business...
> 
> :wacko: prime example. Rude...Click to expand...

Yeah I agree this is rude. Maybe she was t ready for a baby. I wasn't ready to have 2 but life happens. I don't think not being able to leave your child is any healthier than leaving them once a week. This comes from someone who is that way. I have issues leaving my son. Even now heavily pregnant I could probably really use some alone time but I won't do it. That doesn't make me a super mom, that makes me a little anxious. Either way, different things work for different people. I agree the OP should just see how it goes before you make it an every week thing, but geese some people think they are such amazing mothers.


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## readytotry

I agree kissesandhugs. So far it has been suggested that the OP has PND and wasn't ready to have children just because she wants to spend one evening a week with her partner whilst her child is cared for by loving grandparents. Really?!? :wacko:


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## onetwothreebp

Don't forget she wants to party too!! Lol 

Sometimes you're NOT ready for a baby but you still have. I had been married for less than 2 years when I accidentally got pregnant. Was I ready for a baby? No. Was I ready for an abortion? No. Was I ready for adoption? No. 

Sometimes you have to do things you aren't ready for sooner than you plan and if you have a great support system around you to help you, that's even better.


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## beth_terri

I'm just jealous, no one wants my kids :(


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## _jellybean_

Seriously, what's the big deal? OP, do what's right for you. 

I went out a couple of days after I brought my baby home. I went to lunch with my husband. I would read then about how there are a lot of mothers who don't like to leave baby, and I would feel guilty. Everyone is different. I do agree that once you start going out and leaving lo for the night, that you might miss lo, and maybe not want to go as often, but I really don't think it's a big deal if you go out once a week. 

Do what feels right to you.


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## readytotry

Me neither. When she was a cute newborn maybe but as a marauding toddler, not so much.


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## Dk1234

And let's face it, if some couples spent a little more alone time with each other maybe there would be fewer divorces. I don't think my husband and I need this, but we'd be better off if we had it, I wish I could leave my son a little more.

A healthy family dynamic is important too. Not suggesting you have to have weekly dates to get it but I bet some relationships would benefit


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## fieryphoenix

I definitely wouldn't leave my lo with my parents every weekend, he's my kid/responsibility not theirs! IMO :)


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## Scottish mum

Yeh to right, enjoy! Baby appreciates a stress free mum! Plus it's all exciting seeing them in the morning : )


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## onetwothreebp

Dk1234 said:


> And let's face it, if some couples spent a little more alone time with each other maybe there would be fewer divorces. I don't think my husband and I need this, but we'd be better off if we had it, I wish I could leave my son a little more.
> 
> A healthy family dynamic is important too. Not suggesting you have to have weekly dates to get it but I bet some relationships would benefit

Yeah I had to roll my eyes at a poster saying they agreed to a lifetime responsibility, even if that meant giving up couple time with her husband. Good thing you can be a wife and mom at the same time and succeed at both!!!


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## Dk1234

onetwothreebp said:


> Dk1234 said:
> 
> 
> And let's face it, if some couples spent a little more alone time with each other maybe there would be fewer divorces. I don't think my husband and I need this, but we'd be better off if we had it, I wish I could leave my son a little more.
> 
> A healthy family dynamic is important too. Not suggesting you have to have weekly dates to get it but I bet some relationships would benefit
> 
> Yeah I had to roll my eyes at a poster saying they agreed to a lifetime responsibility, even if that meant giving up couple time with her husband. Good thing you can be a wife and mom at the same time and succeed at both!!!Click to expand...

I agree. being a good wife can in turn make you a good mommand other way stound. Last I checked marriage is a lifetime commitment too. At least to me. Different things work for different people. And even some people may not personally ever do this, to suggest you aren't a good parent if you do is so silly z.


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## sevenofnine

readytotry said:


> I agree kissesandhugs. So far it has been suggested that the OP has PND and wasn't ready to have children just because she wants to spend one evening a week with her partner whilst her child is cared for by loving grandparents. Really?!? :wacko:

The only reason I asked if she had PND was because she mentioned feeling resentful of her LO. I was truly curious. PND is no good! And although missing your old life is VERY normal, having extreme feelings of resentment isn't.

So I certainly didn't mean to suggest that she had PND.

:flower:

This is what she said:



bunnyrabbit said:


> Goodness, I didn't think it would be so controversial! I guess I wanted reassurance to be honest, but not so. *Partying, perhaps some nights, but definitely I'll have a few glasses of wine, even if at home, and I'd rather not look after my son intoxicated. I love my son dearly but don't want to resent him because I feel trapped and long for parts of my old life I lost.* Having a child has overwhelmed me more than anything ever has! Don't know if it makes a difference but mthe grandparents live 4 doors down, so not far....anyway, I feel bad now, perhaps I won't leave him?

She clarified afterwards and said she didn't mean it like it sounded.


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## MetalMaiden

tinytabby said:


> I'll bet nobody is really truly ready for a baby!




staralfur said:


> tinytabby said:
> 
> 
> I'll bet nobody is really truly ready for a baby!
> 
> Agree. I think even if the baby is planned and you've read every book and babysat your nieces/nephews, and worked at a daycare... you're never going to realize what an impact having your own baby will have on your life.Click to expand...

I hear what you guys are saying, and I really don't want to get into a debate about individuals interpretations because we all are different... but personally, I was ready for a baby, (and I had never worked at a daycare or babysat too often ect) and it has been challenging at times, but I was ready for it. To endure it, to experience it and to grow from it. I had an idea what I was getting into, I wanted it and was ready for it. thats my two bits on that, unrelated to OP post... i know there are lots of situations where babies may be surprises and parents aren't ready and they cope but yeah... I do believe one can definitely be ready for a baby...


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## Scottish mum

I think it sounds like a confidence issues to me that's all, she's happy leaving lo once in a while but maybe feels presure when she's on bnb and reads comments from mother Teresa's who know all about motherhood!


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## feedindy

So what if she does party when the kid's asleep? BFD. The kid is asleep. 

Not all mom's resign to granny panties, mom jeans, play groups, and that's it. lol she just wants a little fun like Snooki. Snooki is a mom too.

Ok I am just trying to lighten the mood and be funny, but seriously, her baby is staying 4 doors down with grandparents. No big whoop. So if the baby just stayed there one night a week and she went to sleep instead of going out, would that make people happier? Who cares what she does in her "me" time.


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## xolynn

Wow, I feel really bad for the OP. This thread should be closed in my opinion. And to the OP: Do what feels right to you, if you need a night once a week than go for it! I certainly enjoy getting my "me" time and wish me and OH could get more couple time but we work conflicting schedules. I'd say you have every right to need a night away from baby care...it gets SO overwhelming at times and nobody out there whos honest could disagree with how hard it can be and how much you really need time away.


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## Dk1234

MetalMaiden said:


> tinytabby said:
> 
> 
> I'll bet nobody is really truly ready for a baby!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> staralfur said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> tinytabby said:
> 
> 
> I'll bet nobody is really truly ready for a baby!Click to expand...
> 
> Agree. I think even if the baby is planned and you've read every book and babysat your nieces/nephews, and worked at a daycare... you're never going to realize what an impact having your own baby will have on your life.Click to expand...
> 
> I hear what you guys are saying, and I really don't want to get into a debate about individuals interpretations because we all are different... but personally, I was ready for a baby, (and I had never worked at a daycare or babysat too often ect) and it has been challenging at times, but I was ready for it. To endure it, to experience it and to grow from it. I had an idea what I was getting into, I wanted it and was ready for it. thats my two bits on that, unrelated to OP post... i know there are lots of situations where babies may be surprises and parents aren't ready and they cope but yeah... I do believe one can definitely be ready for a baby...Click to expand...

I was 27 and married and tried for a year. I was ready for a baby but then again you never know how your life will change. You may know it'll be work but you can never anticipate the love you'll have for that lo or the frustration and guilt that comes with motherhood sometimes.


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## fieryphoenix

The op asked for thoughts, she asked if it was bad parenting. She got a variety of opinions. Why do you feel bad for her?


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## aliss

I was ready for a baby that slept and didn't screech all firkin night and didn't drink milk without vomiting on the wall for a year too :rofl:

But sometimes life hands you something you didn't expect!

This isn't a coping issue, I think she just wants to have a few drinks and eat some food at a restaurant. I struggled with coping but that doesn't mean she does. Live & let live. She isn't going to leave the baby with a scary-looking hobo, it's just the grandparents.


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## Larkspur

OP, I say if you're comfortable with it and your parents are happy, then there's really no big problem with one night out a week as far as I can see. 

I would just make your parents aware that the arrangement isn't set in stone because you might find that as baby gets a bit older, you actually don't want to spend that much time away/out, or LO might become harder to leave (separation anxiety can kick in, or they can become a tough sleeper). You don't want your parents to feel they're being deprived of time with LO that has become "theirs" if that happens.

I don't know what the situation with your inlaws is, but you also might just want to check in with them and make sure they aren't going to feel that your parents are getting priority with LO, or that they should be entitled to equal time. One night a week with LO away might suit you just fine but if your inlaws start wanting their own night with LO every week, you might find that rather a lot of time out.


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## babyblog

Scottish mum said:


> Sorry I don't think it's anything to do with how well you've settled into motherhood I think it just depends on you as a couple!
> 
> We leave lo once every two months overnight sometimes twice depending on plans.
> 
> You know what if the op wants a night out to party so what!! Just because she's a mum she's can't be out with friends. I'm crazed as some of the replies haha I mean there was only a post on here the other day about mums trying to out do and not support one another, now some are challenging why you shouldn't leave your lo!
> 
> There are extremes of course, there are people who do take the piss and maybe it's a child welfare thing, but to have a night off does not mean your not taking to motherhood lol. My god!

I'd agree with this. People often say "well if you need a break and you feel better for it then its ok". When we leave our kids at my parents it's not because we need a break, it's because we want one! There doesn't necessarily have to be a reason or excuse.of course, now my oldest is 3.5 and he asks to go on sleepovers round there so the decision will be taken out your hands at some point ;) 

Some people don't have social lives, don't want social lives or are happy to do things that constantly involve baby. Some don't. I too, dnt thnk it has anything to do with readiness to be a parent , just depends what your interests were/ are. If you were never a big drinker and enjoyed going out then of course you won't miss it like other people ( I like drinking ). I see it quite a lot on here that mums like to just stay at home , so those parents I presume may be the ones not wanting their children to go on sleepovers.your life doesn't stop when you become a parent, it changes and you change with it but you can maintain your interests and hobbies if you want to ( and are lucky enough to have someone to care for your child).


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## Scottish mum

Haha I know you would think her lo was being left with Americas most wanted! 

When it comes to parenting you will always get folks disagreeing! 

"Personally" lol it's all about survival and I think a night away to reboot is fab! Go for it! Good job half the folk here are not social work!! Can you imagine!


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## broodyhen

It's such an adjustment and everyone handles it differently. I felt over whelmed at first but glad I didn't rush to get a baby sitter. At 6 weeks I am glad to say I spent every moment attached (literally) to my LO. It's not for everyone I know. My LO is 10 months now and I haven't left him for more than 3-4 hours. It depends entirely on your circumstances. My SIL left her baby one night a week and it worked fabulously for her and LO. I BF and co-sleep so really don't think anyone else could have him overnight. I have time for all that in the future.


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## MetalMaiden

broodyhen said:


> I BF and co-sleep so really don't think anyone else could have him overnight. I have time for all that in the future.

yup, same here!


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## Wobbles

Locked for review purely based on the amount of reported posts/concerns.


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