# Lost baby @ 22 weeks + 5, what do we do next?



## babyell

All yesterday I didnt feel baby Harry move, and went to A&E this morning who sent me to the maternity ward, the doctor confirmed what we feared and Harry had gone. There was nothing obvious on the scan, he just looked asleep but his little heart wasnt beating. I have to go in tomorrow to be induced and dont know what to do. Should we see him, hold him or just remember him as he was on the 3d scan? What do we do with him, do we have a funeral? dont know what to do, the hospital says it's our choice but it's hard cecisions to make. What have you ladies who have lost babies later on done? it all feels like a bad dream, I keep expecting to go in tomottow and he will be fine, but I know that is not the case. Any advice would be great, thanks xx


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## Hoolie

so very sorry to read this. 

I've seen a number of babies lost as I worked on a maternity ward for a while. There, the midwives tried to encourage parents to have time with their baby as they believed it helps with the greiving process.

And having witnessed this precious time, first hand, I'd agree with them. Those hours are so precious to parents.

There were occasions when parents opted not to and this was often when they felt that they'd rather remember baby as a bump. In these instances, the midwives would take a photo, handprints and foot prints and put them in the mums notes, just in case the parents wanted them later. This might be a regional thing though, so if you decide you'd like it, make sure you ask/check they do that.

So very sorry again. 

Alex


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## honey08

ive no advise as wot to do as when i mmc i never got this far alng (thank god.....no one shud ever have to go thro this:cry:) theres lots of angle mammys and im sure they wil give u the advice y need, im so so sry for u x


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## ~KACI~

I am so sorry hun :( 

Maybe this thread could give you some ideas :hugs:
https://www.babyandbump.com/stillbirths-neo-natal-loss-sids/199243-need-all-angel-mummies-help.html


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## natasja32

Im so sorry to hear your sad news sweetheart. Sorry for the loss of your little boy. I too lost my little boy at 36.4 weeks. I wasnt sure what to do and felt the same. But hubby and i both decided to see our little boy,Bodhi. We held him,looked at every little part of him and we took loads of pictures. I think you have to decide what is best for you sweetie,and see how you feel at the time. Im so sorry. Thinking of you!:hugs:


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## loz

so so sorry for your loss, i lost a baby at 19 weeks and i was unsure what to do, in the end i did what felt right at the time, i held her and it really helped me and my partner grieve. so sorry again :-(


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## NickyT75

Im so sorry for your loss sweetheart :hug:

I agree with Hoolie about spending time with your baby as I found this really helpful when I lost my little girl

I know everything is scary and you dont know what to do for the best but remember that whatever you choose to do will be the right decision for YOU hun

you have to do what you feel able to cope with so take your time to think about things

I will say this.... take LOTS of photos of your baby & capture little details like his hands and feet etc... (or get someone else to do it) and my biggest regret is not getting a photo of me holding my baby

There should be a bereivement midwife who will spend time with you and explain what your options are so you dont have to make any decisions on your own :hugs: she will talk to you about funeral arrangements & be there to answer any questions you should have but you wont be expected to make any decisions straight away

Once again id like to offer my condolances at this truly awful time hun :hug: I will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope the day passes as gently as possible for you xx


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## Lol78

I'm so so sorry you have to go through this. :hugs:

I just pm'd you with my experience. The thread I was talking about in my message is the one that KACI has just sent you a link to.

You have to do what you are comfortable with, but my regret is not having looked and remembered at all the little details of my little boy and not holding him longer. 

Will be thinking of you tomorrow.


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## dali

hun i have no advice, just wanted to say i am so so sorry for your loss. whatever you decide will be right for you, maybe just wait and see how you feel at the time ?

again im so so sorry, i cant imagine what you are going through right now


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## Drazic<3

I don't know what to suggest sweetheart, other than follow your heart. Will be thinking of you tomorrow and I am deeply sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## Chilli

I'm so sorry that you've had such terrible news!

My babies have died much earlier so I never had a chance to hold them which breaks my heart. However we had a private burial service - just us and the vicar and we buried them both with my grandparents in the local church yard - I figured that way no matter what happens in the future I wanted to be able to go somewhere to talk to them.
Everyone is different so do what feels right for you, but try to make sure you won't have any regrets later on.

Take care of yourself - big hugs


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## shocker

Im so sorry for your loss :hugs:
If you contact sands they will be absoloutly amazing, they gave me a book from them at the hospital called "a little lifetime" and an information booklet, i lost mine earlier but it was still interesting to read.They encourage you to take photos,hold them and have a funeral and to get prints of their little feet.If you dont feel you want photos for any reason they have a section on how to take pictures with just their little hands in yours or anything like that.Its helpful to have something like that i think and do wish i had been able to.I encourage you to contact sands as soon as you can as the moments you have with your lo are so very precious and they can help you know all your options and even recomend music or prayers for the funeral service.Hope you are ok and thinking of you :hugs::hugs:


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## jess_smurf

~KACI~ said:


> I am so sorry hun :(
> 
> Maybe this thread could give you some ideas :hugs:
> https://www.babyandbump.com/stillbirths-neo-natal-loss-sids/199243-need-all-angel-mummies-help.html

This is the thread I started and would like you to go see it if you have and Q''s PM me back I have Pm'd you 

all my love and so very sorry for your loss x x


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## cazza22

I didnt want to just read and run i want to just offer my condolenses hun :-( im so very sorry for your loss. I cant imagine what you are feeling as the furthest i have been in pregnancy is 10wks when i miscarried the first time and that was heartbreaking enough. So all i will say do what your heart is telling you to do & whatever will help u & ur OH at this awful time. Again im sorry my thoughts will be with u tomorrow take care of urself x x x lov Caz x x x


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## bevan88

Iam so sorry for your loss, i wish you all the strength in the world to get through this time.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## hayley x

I am so sorry. Theres nothing I can really add but I will be thinking of you. We are all here for you when you need us :hugs: xxx please please take lots of photos there will be a time you will want to see them xxx


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## Snowball

I'm so so sorry:hugs: We lost our little boy at 21 weeks. I totally didn't know what to do and in the end I decided not to see him. Looking back now I really regret not spending anytime with him. Luckily the hospital took a couple of pictures of him and since I have looked at him.

I think ultimately you have to do whatever feels right at the time and if you don't want to see him then you don't have to but knowing what I know now I think it truely helps the grieving process. Make sure you get plenty of pics whatever you decide.

Thinking of you:hugs:


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## babyell

Thanks girls, I am lying here in bed , have been for 4 hours now. I feel like it's my fault, I coloured my hair on thursday,and now he is dead, what if the chemicals poisioned him? It must have been something I did, the doctor said there was nothing on the scan to show why. I just feel numb, I don't know how I will cope giving birth to him, knowing I won't hear him cry, I keep thinking they got it wrong and he is fine, but I saw myself that there was no heartbeat, it seems so unfair, I am so scared to go into the ward tomorrow. I feel like I can't cry because my husband and kids are grieving too, and I don't want to upset them. Feel so empty inside even though he is still there, my husband doesn't want to see him but I think I do, but I don't know if I will have the strength to do it on my own. We are all so heartbroken.


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## dali

will be thinking of you tomorrow hun. maybe when you are up to it let us know how you are ?
best wishes


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## sophster

Hi

I'm so sorry darling. :( I am sure the ladies who have gone through similar can advise you better....

Sophie


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## tootsy1987

i am so so so so sorry to hear this!! i really does bring a tear to my eye, no one ever deserves to have to go through what your going through.. i wish we could all take the pain away for you but i also know nothing we say can make u feel better at the moment, just want you to know i am thinking about you hun and sending u the biggest :hug: in the world!! xxxxx


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## doddy0402

i just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. I have no words. x


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## Rabiah

So, so sorry for your loss. It is so very painful...

I have had three mcs, and the last two both required to go through birth. I saw both of them even though they were tiny and we buried them both next to my mother in law.

I found that this helped. It made the babies human and allowed me to connect with them later.

Seeing how far along you are - Harry will look like a very tiny but very real baby whom you will always keep within your heart.

Take care, and will be thinking of you tomorrow.


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## ellahstruts

Thinking of you and your family i know first hand what will happen and my advise is go with what feels right when Harry arrives. lots of love xx


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## babyell

thank you all for you kind words of support. Little Harry was born on Monday night at 5.45pm, he had gotten the cord areound his neck twice, so poor think didnt have a chance, at least they could tell us what happened without a post mortem which is some comfort. We asked the hospital to arrange for him to be cremated. 

We both decided to see him and I held him. We took a few photos of his face, but I wish I had the courage to touch his face, and to look at him fully (i pulled the blacket back but only to see his chest and tummy). He had his mouth open which made him look in pain, but I couldnt bring myself to touch him to close it. I wish I had done that so I could have seen what his mouth looked like. His face was so perfect with his little button nose. I have since had a pendant made with a photo of his little hands and his name and birthday on the back, so I can look at it when I feel low. Nothing takes away the pain though. I cant stop crying, and feel like I am neglecting my kids, when they are naughty I really shout at them, and at parents evening I wasnt interested at all with waht they were saying. Hubby has had to go back to work, and I am sat on my own at home all day. Work have given me a month off to recover, I dont think I can be at home that long, but then I dont want to face people. I have closed myself off from everyone except hubby and kids. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep forever. When does the pain get better?:cry:


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## NickyT75

:hug: oh sweetheart I wish I could take away your pain but I know from experience that nothing anyone can say to you will even come close to doing that :(

I can remember shutting myself away from the world and not wanting to face anyone but in the end doing this just made things worse so I would advise you to try not to do this

do you have any family/friends that could come and sit with you? I know you wont feel like spending time with anyone at the moment, but honestly... being alone with nothing but the thoughts running through your head at a million miles per hour is the worst thing for you right now :hugs:

Im so so sorry this terrible thing has hapened to you sweetheart :hugs: xx


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