# Delayed Ejaculation



## KnitWit

Sorry if this is TMI but I'm looking for some advice. My partner suffers from delayed ejaculation which basically means he finds it difficult to ejaculate during sex. Most research says that this is completely psychological but he's had this his whole adult life. It's never been a problem before but now we're TTC it's become an issue. I try very hard not to put the pressure on him as I know this will only make matters worse but the ovulation window is so small.. 

Is there anyone out there with a similar problem? Any help or advice would be great.
I was so convinced I had symptoms this month but AF showed up so I'm a bit down in the dumps.


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## DaisyBee

I dont have any ideas for you but wanted to give you :hugs: I think everyone gets down in the dumps with ttc. Its such a roller coaster & sometimes harder than we realized to get pregnant. Good luck to you and lots of baby dust! :dust: :dust:


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## JemmaD

Its the other way round for me, wam bam thankyou mam 2 mins later hes sleeping lol.

Type it in google hun you will find loads on there that will help you. keep your chin you hunny it will happen for you xxxxxx


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## KnitWit

I think I've read just about every resource out there on the net. I guess I'm just looking for someone with this problem who also has a happy ending.


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## JemmaD

KnitWit said:


> I think I've read just about every resource out there on the net. I guess I'm just looking for someone with this problem who also has a happy ending.

have you asked in the other forums? you might get some help from one of the TRI'S aswell, i hope you get the answers you want its not nice feeling down when your TTC, goodluck hunny sorry i couldnt help more xxxxx


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## KnitWit

TRI's? There are so many abbreviations on here I haven't learnt them all yet! Lol!


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## Crailly

I am not sure what "TRI'S" are either - as I am also new to all the lingo, lol.

Anyway - my DH also has difficulty "finishing" as he puts it. I know for us we just keep trying and using a lot of foreplay/positions (sorry if TMI). I am crossing my fingers that I can pinpoint when I ovulate next month, or the month after that, and manage to get him to make a deposit on the day before, the day of, and the day after O . . . hopefully that will work. 

Good luck to us both !!


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## DaisyBee

tri's are first trimester, 2nd trimester, 3rd trimester

Good luck!


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## Vestirse

Well, when you say delayed ejaculation, what does bring him to ejaculation? Because I just think you'll need a lot of that!


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## Redfraggle

:hi:

Hello, my husband has this problem! Think there is only three of us on this site who have this problem. No happy ending for me yet but the other women is in 2nd tri so there is hope!

I'm over in the LLTTC bit and have a journal there with our story.

My husbands problem is psychological as well but in our case it only started about five years ago (and only with me, he is fine on his own). We went to the doctors about it and got referred for counselling. It did help a bit, we discovered the cause of it and he gave us loads of techniques and "homework" to do each week. I can give you more details of it if you want. It was a partial success. He can now ejeculate if pleasure him by hand or mouth but we can't seem to do it through intercourse (although he keeps insisting we are getting really close to it now - which we never were before).

I know how fustrating it is for you and how difficult it is to stay relaxed. Can't tell you how many times I have waited for DH to fall asleep after sex and sneaked off to the bathroom for a good cry.

Any questions at all just ask. There is fantastic support here and it is easier to be relaxed with my husband when I can come on here and rant and rave about it all to the girls in here instead of ranting to him!

:hugs:


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## KnitWit

Thankyou for sharing yours stories crailly and redfraggle. It's good to hear there is a success story out there too! At least I know it's possible! I'm not sure my bloke would want to see a councilor about this issue so I would love to hear any tips you were given. I think part of his problem is that he's been that way for so long he no longer see's an orgasm as the ultimate goal of sex. We're trying to re-train him a bit to be a more selfish lover (if that's the right term). He isn't as obsessed as I am about the whole TTC thing and I think he Is under the impression it's fairly easy to get pregnant. Probably all that school sex ed that gets drilled into you! But I know it won't be easy especially when we generally only have one successful session a month. I know if I tell him I'm ovulating it will put the pressure on and ruin my chances. So I keep it secret, seduce him and hope for the best! 
I really want this baby to be conceived naturally but have either of you resorted to using a turkey baster or similar? Hope that's not a akward question!


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## broodylocket

sometimes my partner takes long during sex, think it is cause we are trying for a baby, wasnt like it before.


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## Stotty

Well girls after reading these stories I thought I would add mine. My OH also has trouble finishing during intercourse but is fine by hand etc. The weird thing is we do have a child together that we had 19yrs ago when we were kids and he also fathered a daughter 13yrs ago. Now here comes the problem I think it is all in his head and so does he, maybe because I brought our son up and we split up when I was pregnant (but now getting married and very happy 19yrs on) and also his daughter has been brought up by her mother and he has just been a weekend dad if you like. I think he thinks its all going to happen again and its really frustrating for him and for me but believe me it can happen. 

We have been back together year and half and when we do have sex and he can finish he is over the moon and the orgasm is fantastic. It does help when he is totally relaxed and I have found that if I say no when he comes out and we try other methods it helps if I tell him he has to put it back in, because it will happen if he wants it to. I know how you feel though girls I also feel like having a good cry because I want it so much and I know he does and he did break his heart when he told me.

Hope this helps it is nice to talk to someone else.

xx:hug:


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## LewoneGemin

My husband has the same problem and after a few months of frustration (It was killing our sex life and giving him an anxiety attack) we have started this month to do at home insemination with a syringe medicine dropper (just go to the pharmacy and ask for a 1 or 2 tsp syringe medicine dropper, they often give them for free.) It has completely taken the heat off of him as he doesn't usually have a problem if he's doing it himself. I know how incredibly hard it is to deal with but the worst thing you can do for a baby and a marriage is to create tension in the bedroom. We've only been doing this for a month so I have no idea if it's working but I'll keep you posted if it does. If it doesn't work we'll probably try artificial insemination in a clinic.


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## amym

Hi I'm new today, google 'delayed ejaculation and ttc' and here I am! my man and I are getting married in 3 weeks and really want to start a family asap but he has delayed ejaculation.... research I have done says only 58% of men who have long term therapy reach a point where they can ejaculate during intercourse which is depressing, though we are on Relate waiting list and NHS waiting list for sex therapy.

So I'm keen to try home insemination with a syringe, but am not sure when is best time to try that? I am on day 3 of my period today but am never sure what that means for when I am ovulating?

Sorry to be so ignorant but am so worried about this - could live forever with 'dry' sex but not without a baby!

Partner is hopeful it will all just magically happen so I want to make it as easy and painless for him as possible so he doesn't freak out or feel bad.

Any updates from the other girls on this thread, or advice from ANYONE?

Sorry for going on


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## nuttynicnak

I am not alone! 

I also have the same problem. I am still trying, but it has taken its toll on us both to the point where we had a melt down. 

Now just trying to take it easy with no pressure and lots and lots of foreplay. It is so hard. I am currently in my third month and the first two were spent with me in tears every night. It is hard to come to terms with it and my DH can manage on his own as well. 

I would welcome any advice as well please. The just try to realx bit isn't that helpful as it doesn't change anything. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## amym

so glad I also am not alone with this, but any success stories anyone? what happened to the girls who posted on this threat last year - does anyone know?

good luck nicnac, maybe this year we'll get it sorted!


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## amym

sorry!


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## nuttynicnak

I hope so. It is really stressful and the situation doesn't get any easier as the months go on. In fact it gets worse as we have something we want. x


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## mum2beagain

hi guys i just want to give u a sucess story my husband has this same problem he always has done however we have a 2 yr old daughter and a baby on the way he cant ejaculate at all with my help or during intercourse but on his own he is fine so i know it is not easy but when we were trying ttc our children i just laid on the bed while he knelt between my legs i would lay with my eyes closed for abit less embarrasedment for him he would pleasure himself and just as he was about to ejaculate he would go inside if u get me i would then put my legs up the wall lol give the:spermy: a helping hand and i have alway sfallen pregnant 1st month of trying hope this helps feel free to pm me if u would like a chat as i know how frustrating it can be especially if u have a man who is embarrassed by good luck and lots of :dust: to you all xx


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## Redfraggle

amym said:


> so glad I also am not alone with this, but any success stories anyone? what happened to the girls who posted on this threat last year - does anyone know?
> 
> good luck nicnac, maybe this year we'll get it sorted!

I am still here!! Mainly over in LTTTC though. We are just starting the process to go for IUI because trying at home isn't working for us. 

Good luck to you. Hope you find a way to get your BFP's soon.


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## hollie

mum2beagain said:


> hi guys i just want to give u a sucess story my husband has this same problem he always has done however we have a 2 yr old daughter and a baby on the way he cant ejaculate at all with my help or during intercourse but on his own he is fine so i know it is not easy but when we were trying ttc our children i just laid on the bed while he knelt between my legs i would lay with my eyes closed for abit less embarrasedment for him he would pleasure himself and just as he was about to ejaculate he would go inside if u get me i would then put my legs up the wall lol give the:spermy: a helping hand and i have alway sfallen pregnant 1st month of trying hope this helps feel free to pm me if u would like a chat as i know how frustrating it can be especially if u have a man who is embarrassed by good luck and lots of :dust: to you all xx

A friend of mine did similar to this, although she jumped on top when he was about there and they now have a beautiful baby girl, so it can be done, you just have to find what works for you


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## grrlmom

hollie said:


> mum2beagain said:
> 
> 
> hi guys i just want to give u a sucess story my husband has this same problem he always has done however we have a 2 yr old daughter and a baby on the way he cant ejaculate at all with my help or during intercourse but on his own he is fine so i know it is not easy but when we were trying ttc our children i just laid on the bed while he knelt between my legs i would lay with my eyes closed for abit less embarrasedment for him he would pleasure himself and just as he was about to ejaculate he would go inside if u get me i would then put my legs up the wall lol give the:spermy: a helping hand and i have alway sfallen pregnant 1st month of trying hope this helps feel free to pm me if u would like a chat as i know how frustrating it can be especially if u have a man who is embarrassed by good luck and lots of :dust: to you all xx
> 
> A friend of mine did similar to this, although she jumped on top when he was about there and they now have a beautiful baby girl, so it can be done, you just have to find what works for youClick to expand...

We're doing something similar _now_, and my partner doesn't even _have_ ejaculation problems.
I'm just not up for a boring 20-30 minute daily sex marathon.
We tried that the first month; I was rubbed raw after a week, and we were both becoming irritable. Knowing it could potentially take many months to conceive, we came up with a new plan of action.

Now OH masturbates in another room almost to the point of ejaculation, then comes in and finishes in me.
It still makes for a nice 5 or 10 minute shag (_most_ of the time; sometimes it's quicker than that; last night it was less than a minute, lol) and I get my spermies every night, without the hassle of having to endure full-on sex every night.

I'm not saying this is a good plan for _everyone_, but I'm just not one of those women who _enjoys_ tons of sex.
We were a once-a-week (at most) couple before ttc, and I'm sure we'll happily revert back to that pattern, after conceiving.


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## Vesta

My DH sufferes from delayed ejaculation too. I'd never really heard the term before, but it fits him perfectly. He has no problem ejaculating during oral sex or by hand, but find it difficult during sex.


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## nuttynicnak

It is so nice to realise we are not the only ones out there. When reading posts on here i always thought why can't my DH be like that? It is nice we have similar people and situations to compare too. 

How are you managing Vesta?
x


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## Vesta

nuttynicnak said:


> It is so nice to realise we are not the only ones out there. When reading posts on here i always thought why can't my DH be like that? It is nice we have similar people and situations to compare too.
> 
> How are you managing Vesta?
> x

It's our first month TTC, and I'm not ovulating yet. So it's a bit difficult to say at the moment! He's stopped watching "adult material", so we're gonna see if that help. Try and get him used to just orgasming through sex. 

It's good to know I'm not the only one in this situation!

:dust:


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## nuttynicnak

Me too. Feel free to pm me at any time. x


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## amym

Keep them coming girls - it's really good to hear from you all!


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## happyendings

Hi All

Don't give up hope. My partner has delayed ejaculation, never had an orgasm during sex with me, yet I am sitting here waiting for baby no.2 to arrive (due in next few weeks). 

This is my 3rd pregnancy with him (one miscarriage, one toddler, one on the way) in just over 2 years. We did self insemination 6 times with a 50% success rate. The key is - montior your ovulating (take temperature, chart everything etc..), use ovulation sticks and any other method you can think of to work out exactly when to time things. 

Then send your husband / partner into the bedroom with a mug / pot that's sterilised (dishwasher will do) and any adult material he may want. Once he's done swap places. Decant sperm into a syringe (go to chemist and ask for baby oral medicine dispenser), the sperm gets more liquid and less jelly like after about 5-10 mins making this a bit easier, but the quicker you can decant it the better). It's a bit tricky trying to stop it leaking out the other end of the syringe etc.. but you'll get the hang of it. Then inseminate yourself whilst lying down, put a pillow under your bum to raise it in the air, try to make yourself have an orgasm (apparently this helps) and lie there for 30 minutes.

The whole business isn't emotionally easy. The practicalities are simple, but getting to the point where you can both address the situation can be tricky. 

Good luck ladies.


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## Vesta

Happyendings, do you mind if I ask how your partner felt about self insemination? The reason I ask is I mentioned this to my husband and he felt it was some kind of insult to his mandhood. And that he should be able to make a baby the "proper" way. Did your partner have any hang ups about it? Feel free not to answer if it's too personal a queston.


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## Redfraggle

Thanks for sharing Happyendings and lots of luck with the rest of your pregnancy! Might try the syringe. We have been using the softcups but they haven't worked so far.

Vesta, have to confess it took my husband a couple of years to agree to insemination. Hang in there, I am sure he will come round in the end.


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## pluto

hello all,:wave:

I joined BNB a couple of weeks ago but have been too shy to post anything before now but here goes....

My husband suffers from delayed ejaculation aswell. It is such a relief to meet other people who have the same problem and to have people to talk to about this. I was looking in the net and googled delayed ejaculation and pregnant and here I am.


We got married last october and have been TTC since. Like some of you, my DH seems to think it will magically happen and its not that difficult to get pregnant but I think it is if you don't have any spermies! I have a regular cycle but haven't been doing all the OV monitoring and all that. I am still new to that so I am still trying to get my head around all the terms and not sure where to start so any advice here would be helpful!!


I am 38 and my DH is 39 so i feel like I don't have much time....
My DH is prepared to do anything it takes so we said we would try for another couple of months and then look at our options. I think it would be worth trying self insemination before going to IUI but like Vesta my DH is not going to be comfortable with that so am not sure I will be able to persuade him. Also, I'm scared that if I put pressure on he won't be able to "perform" into a cup because he will be thinking about it too much and his head will get in the way. 

It was really helpful to hear the details of the process grrlmom so thanks for that. I think i will broach the subject of AI again and see if I can persuade DH to try it this month. My :witch: is due saturday.


it is really good to be able to discuss this with other people because I can imagine that it would put a big strain on a marriage after a while. I think redfraggle is amazing-it doesn't seem to have affected your relationship at all. I really hope you get your BFP this year.


ok, I think that is probably enough for my first post. I'll keep yee updated and I hope you all do the same.


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## tryhardmummy

As much as I hate to say this...Thank God I am not alone.

My husband had a heart attack about 4 years ago and ever since we have been having problems. I often wonder if it has something to do with the medication or more a phsycological problem.

We have a wonderful relationship so I am greatful for that. The years have seemed to fasten up and I am now mid 30's and we have finally decided to talk about the elephant in the corner finally, and see what we can do about concieving. 

Last year we decided to sex therapy but that only seemed to be a hassle and put more pressure for my husband to "perform". Alo we felt rediculous doing the homework. 

So I have been reading and I hope this does not sound crass... But here goes. 
Apparently vibrations at the base of the shaft and area between the balls and rectum being stimulated by a vibrator may stilmulate ejaculation. It is commonly done for people who are paralised to create an ejaculation.

So I have decided to go out and buy one. Without him knowing. I dont want to scare the poor man.

Anyway food for thought gals. 
I am going to leave it all up to the gods after this.


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## amym

So glad people are still posting on this - it's defninitely comforting! My DH and I have been sleeping together for a year or so and have only had ANY success in last 5 weeks with him ejaculating inside me. And that is of course wonderful but it wasn't during ovulation timeframe so more work needed!

If it helps anyone else, my research said that often the man feels he must please the woman (tryhard!) before himself so I recommend some louder moans and groans etc and encouragement to please himself as it were!


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## WishingforBab

Thank God I found this thread! THANK YOU LADIES! I have felt like I am alone in this journey for years. 

DH has had delayed ejaculation for over 12 years. The only time he is able to produce anything is through masturbating. This "issue" has caused so many problems for us and it is very stressful, especially since we are TTC now. 

We have been TTC for 9 months now. Our "routine" is that DH does his thing in the bedroom while I anxiously wait in the bathroom. He calls me in when he is ready and I literally run in and jump on the bed with my legs in the air. There is no romance, nothing pretty about this. It's survival of the fittest. He tries to get as much as he can inside but this is def. a problem.

We DID have success 2 months ago however, it turned out to be a chemical pregnancy. So, we have faith now that it WILL work. It didn't work for us this cycle but I have scheduled an HSG to make sure there is nothing wrong on my end.

For those that had success on their own without IUI or IVF, how long did it take and what did you do?

Thank you all again, because this is a HUGE weight off my shoulders to see there are other people that are dealing with this issue. THANK YOU.


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## pluto

hello again,

yes, it is such a relief to have other people to talk to, who are in the same position. I don't know what I would do otherwise!!!


Well, I was supposed to get the :witch: last saturday and I am usually bang on 27 days but no sign ...:shrug:

I was convinced it was coming because I had cramps since the monday before and bloatedness and the usual and of course , even though we have been :sex: , there wasn't any ejaculation as usual so was fully expecting to get AF on time. But after being a couple of days late i began to wonder if maybe, there was a some leakage of :spermy: and maybe the impossible had happened. (MY OH maintains there is usually some leakage but I don't believe him to be honest)...so anyway, finally decided yesterday i should just do a test to stop myself thinking about itand did it this morning and of course it was :bfn: but still no sign of the :witch: so i don't know what the hell is going on.

I knew it would be negative but there was still a part of me that hoped and am totally depressed now as don't know what is going on with my cycle so don't even know when I can plan to try self insemination.:cry: so am totally fed up and everybody around me seems to be pregnant and it all seemed so easy for them....Is there any possibility that there was some leakage and that u could get preganat or am I being totally :wacko: From all the people on here it would seem impossible!!!

anyway let us know how the vibrator goes wishingforbab and thanks for your post tryhardmummy and others that are having some success-it gives me hope that it can be done anyway


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## Waitng4Baby#1

Hi - my first post ever... like many of you, so delighted I have found others in the same situation!!

I have been TTC since Oct 2009. First few months were fine, kind of expected it could take a couple of months. AF fairly regular. Decided to start with ovulation tests last month, partly curious if I was actually ovulating. So delighted when I was I made the HUGE mistake of telling OH. This is when the delayed ejaculation problems started. Never making that mistake again!!

Its been something off and on has happened over the last 10 years we've been together but to be honest has never been a problem until now when we're TTC. I am totally convinced, as is he, its all in his head and started worrying about TTC rather than enjoying what is going on - going mad as I am trying not to talk to him too much as dont want to make it worse.

Just knowing you are all here helps!


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## RACEUK

I have had this "condition" all my life and I can assure you that for a man it is extreamly embarressing and psycologically battering to suffer. 

So the solution:

The worst thing you can do is put pressure on your partner, this pressure only makes the issue worse!!!!

Find a way of exploring each other confidence is the trick here there should be no worries or hang ups!

Explain to your man that you do understand and reassure him that whichever way you reach your sexual pleasures it is fine by you!

Lack of arousal is often a cause (not your fault ladies) porn is usually a good way of dealing with this (I know it sounds seedy but it does work) the reason is because whilst porn stimulates arousal it also distracts the male RE sufferer from the job in hand and the subsequent anticipation and performance anxiety causing the problem, therefore releiving the pressure of having to come!

Now I am a sufferer and frankly it has ruined several relationships so please make sure you understand this condition and reassure your partner that you do too! Reasearch! there are plenty of websites out there!

Finally because i'm aware that the ovulation window is short and there is no quick fix to this I will give you the method which I used in order to have my 18 month old!!!

It interests me that one commentator on here suggests that her husband "does his thing" whilst she waits in the bathroom and then subsequently jumps on to catch as much as possible!!! Very bizare for a loving relationship and this must make the poor guy feel totally inadequate, why not therefore incorporate the mastrubation into the session? With my ex partner and the mother to my child I had sex as normal, pleasured her, pulled out and gave myself a helping hand which may last a minute or ten minutes or more and then at the point of no return I would simply put my willy in the correct place and ejaculate, you've had your pleasure, hes had hes and the deed in hand is done, everyones happy! 
Now for some blokes this may be a problem having there partner watch them mastrubate, so to illiminate any problems there simply turn round (doggy, spooning) and do it that way, sounds bad, but it eleviates the anxiety!

This worked for me, it hardly impacts on the sexual act because you have had your intimacy and subsequent orgasm, now let him do his bid by whatever means necessary. 

Incidently as a long term cure this web site may help: It wont let me post it anyone wanting it let me know!

The key is mutual love and understanding, and reconditioning the penis and mind to accept vaginal stimulation, this cannot be done under any pressure!

Hope this helps ladies any more info let me know! :thumbup:


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## ticktock

Waitng4Baby#1 said:


> Hi - my first post ever... like many of you, so delighted I have found others in the same situation!!
> 
> I have been TTC since Oct 2009. First few months were fine, kind of expected it could take a couple of months. AF fairly regular. Decided to start with ovulation tests last month, partly curious if I was actually ovulating. So delighted when I was I made the HUGE mistake of telling OH. This is when the delayed ejaculation problems started. Never making that mistake again!!
> 
> Its been something off and on has happened over the last 10 years we've been together but to be honest has never been a problem until now when we're TTC. I am totally convinced, as is he, its all in his head and started worrying about TTC rather than enjoying what is going on - going mad as I am trying not to talk to him too much as dont want to make it worse.
> 
> Just knowing you are all here helps!


Kinda in the same boat, has been a minor issue before but mostly due to stress etc but now he knows we're ttc its stressed him even more so he's having more trouble with it! Bloody typical eh lol 

From now on I'm not gonna tell him ov dates so he doesn't feel as pressured and hope its a good start from there!


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## kt7510

Like several of the other people on here, I googled "delayed ejaculation ttc" and here I am. I too am sorry that this is happening to other people but very glad that we are not alone with this. The whole situation is so frustrating. Trying to get pregnant is difficult enough on its own! And if this were only my issue, I'd feel comfortable talking with my friends about it, but since it involves DH, I don't know who to talk to. 

Four months ago, our OBGYN suggested that my husband ejaculate into a diaphragm and that we insert that. DH has been more and more comfortable, and it's been taking less and less time, which is good. At the same point in time, I have no idea if what we're doing to try to conceive actually will work or would even count as "trying."

I'm very interested to hear what other people with this issue are trying and thanks for the support!


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## tryhardmummy

Heard very good reports about using vibrators. 
I am going to get the courage to "suprise" my hubby. 
Fingers crossed. 

Thanks for your response RaceUk... But I would just like to say. Women naturally are very kind, compassionate and nurturing especially if your relation ticks all the other boxes.. So naturally we try to be understanding.


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## amym

Hi again all

Well, we are definitely starting to have some success...DH told me this morning that it was easier today as he felt I was liking what he was doing so he didn't feel need to change a position that was working for him... before me he was a committed masturbator and had got so used to manual stimulation that vaginal stimulation wasn't really doing it for him...

This is not to say I deny my own pleasure but tbh I put his ejaculation first....we have sex plenty of times where I have fun and he doesn't come, so during ovulation week it's all about him!


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## Jem88

I don't mean to offend anyone but most posts in this topic mention that there OH's do there thing in a diffrent room, i can understand why and that they find it easier to do so, but would it not help to be in the same room? maybe both masterbate eachother? 
that's what me & my OH do, he has no problem ejaculating thu sex but i don't come thu actual sex, we do foreplay beforehand, we both pleasure eachother and then have sex so he finish's inside me.. maybe that way it's more intimate instead of being in sep rooms?


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## amym

I agree with Jem88 - I know whn you're oving you do whatever it takes, and quite right too! But I have discovered after 12 whole months of this, that actually it can be 'fixed' with lots of practice. Just a bit worried that if you separate out maybe he'll never get any closer to being able to come inside you, then back to square 1 when ttc the next one?? just wondering, please no one take offence but it has worked for us....


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## Waitng4Baby#1

So listening to all of your comments we tried last week spending lots of time doing other things, trying to take the pressure off and had agreed wouldnt :sex: He got so carried away we did end up :sex: and he managed to come inside me... hooray!!

Have been doing the ovulation tests which I did the next day and I got the big smiley face! Problem was I was about to catch a flight to go away with work and wouldnt be back for 3 days :nope:

What could I do - couldnt get back into bed and jump on him as he would have known today was the day and may have put him off.

So did nothing, which I think was the right thing. Resigned myself to waiting for AF on 27th and trying again next month.....

In the meantime have purchased a vibrator which arrived yesterday - kind of surprised him as never done anything like this before - but he seems up for it so hopefully we can practice :sex: for next month!


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## Waitng4Baby#1

ticktock said:


> Waitng4Baby#1 said:
> 
> 
> Hi - my first post ever... like many of you, so delighted I have found others in the same situation!!
> 
> I have been TTC since Oct 2009. First few months were fine, kind of expected it could take a couple of months. AF fairly regular. Decided to start with ovulation tests last month, partly curious if I was actually ovulating. So delighted when I was I made the HUGE mistake of telling OH. This is when the delayed ejaculation problems started. Never making that mistake again!!
> 
> Its been something off and on has happened over the last 10 years we've been together but to be honest has never been a problem until now when we're TTC. I am totally convinced, as is he, its all in his head and started worrying about TTC rather than enjoying what is going on - going mad as I am trying not to talk to him too much as dont want to make it worse.
> 
> Just knowing you are all here helps!
> 
> 
> Kinda in the same boat, has been a minor issue before but mostly due to stress etc but now he knows we're ttc its stressed him even more so he's having more trouble with it! Bloody typical eh lol
> 
> From now on I'm not gonna tell him ov dates so he doesn't feel as pressured and hope its a good start from there!Click to expand...

I meant to also say - completely agree with not sharing the ov dates!!


----------



## amym

Waitng4Baby#1 said:


> So listening to all of your comments we tried last week spending lots of time doing other things, trying to take the pressure off and had agreed wouldnt :sex: He got so carried away we did end up :sex: and he managed to come inside me... hooray!!
> 
> Have been doing the ovulation tests which I did the next day and I got the big smiley face! Problem was I was about to catch a flight to go away with work and wouldnt be back for 3 days :nope:
> 
> What could I do - couldnt get back into bed and jump on him as he would have known today was the day and may have put him off.
> 
> So did nothing, which I think was the right thing. Resigned myself to waiting for AF on 27th and trying again next month.....
> 
> In the meantime have purchased a vibrator which arrived yesterday - kind of surprised him as never done anything like this before - but he seems up for it so hopefully we can practice :sex: for next month!


Hurrah!!! Well done, so exciting isn't it when this big block starts to shift away....good luck for continued success! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## Waitng4Baby#1

Thanks hon - you too!


----------



## trials

I used to have delayed ejaculation too, but I cured myself of it. 

There's lots of information out there, but none of it really helped me much. The site that really helped me the most was Delayed Ejaculation Resources. The site is by someone who actually had delayed ejaculation himself, so all the advice on there is solid.

You should google delayed ejaculation resources and have a look at it with your OH, see if the exercises on there help, apparently they have a very high success rate.


----------



## Crailly

I had completely forgot about this thread - it's been exactly one year since I wrote something on here (post #7).

It's comforting to find other women with men that has this problem, it's also great to get the male perspective (thanks for speaking up).

Personally I have put the active TTC on hold until after my wedding in September and my honeymoon in October. If something were to actually happen before then, it would be a welcome surprise - but after October I want to have my OH see a doctor (just to make sure there is nothing physiological going on), and then I will be sure to try some of these techniques.

Good luck to all of you TTC right now.


----------



## pluto

Waitng4Baby#1 said:


> ticktock said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Waitng4Baby#1 said:
> 
> 
> Hi - my first post ever... like many of you, so delighted I have found others in the same situation!!
> 
> I have been TTC since Oct 2009. First few months were fine, kind of expected it could take a couple of months. AF fairly regular. Decided to start with ovulation tests last month, partly curious if I was actually ovulating. So delighted when I was I made the HUGE mistake of telling OH. This is when the delayed ejaculation problems started. Never making that mistake again!!
> 
> Its been something off and on has happened over the last 10 years we've been together but to be honest has never been a problem until now when we're TTC. I am totally convinced, as is he, its all in his head and started worrying about TTC rather than enjoying what is going on - going mad as I am trying not to talk to him too much as dont want to make it worse.
> 
> Just knowing you are all here helps!
> 
> 
> Kinda in the same boat, has been a minor issue before but mostly due to stress etc but now he knows we're ttc its stressed him even more so he's having more trouble with it! Bloody typical eh lol
> 
> From now on I'm not gonna tell him ov dates so he doesn't feel as pressured and hope its a good start from there!Click to expand...
> 
> I meant to also say - completely agree with not sharing the ov dates!!Click to expand...

I made the big mistake of sharing OV date this month. Not good idea, obviously made DH a lot more stressed out and he couldn't ejalulate at all (sorry if TMI). Now not sure what to do next....maybe we should go to the doctors and see what he says. Would like some advice, espicially from any males.????

We have been married since october and will be together 3 years in August and he has never come in my presence. I have tried all the reassurances that I can think of, but nothing seems to work. I'm just not sure what to do next....


----------



## noja

So relieved to find this thread, I've been on BnB for ..a while now... and only just found this thread. Found Redfraggle a long time ago-hi Red! Great to get encouragement and advice.


----------



## amym

Hey girls - I'm pregnant!! Cycle 3 once we actually managed to get over the DE problem - keep going my lovelies and good luck!


----------



## noja

There IS light at the end of the tunnel! Keep trying ladies and just do WHATEVER it takes!


----------



## Waitng4Baby#1

Hey - just had a look back in here after a few months. Congrats Amy! I think I saw you got your BFP in another thread but hadnt made the connection with here.

Just wanted to share that since the problems we had early March everything has been back on track. Keeping my + OPKs to myself and it seems to be working so far.

Good luck to all x


----------



## Crailly

Congratulations to amy and noja !!


----------



## happyday

First time on this and Am soo happy to find this forum! its really reassuring to feel i am not alone. been ttc for three months (this is the third - OV now!). just this month have tried the technique where OH 'helped himself' and finished in me (did the whole 'legs in the air' thing too!). Really hoping it works, last month, he managed it and I was soooo convinced i was pregnant..When I took the test (...6 tests actually) I actually felt like i had lost a baby..how crazy is that?!
So many things people have said I can relate to, I havent been able to talk to anyone about this (as sure its the same for many of you) and feel like i have been going mad in my head!
thank you all for being so open, even just writing on this forum i a huge deal for me, as I find these things so hard to talk about!


----------



## amym

Welcome happyday - I do hope all works out for you as you want it to! Have my scan tomorrow - looking forward to the first take home pic of our bean!


----------



## Waitng4Baby#1

Happyday completely understand. I found it one thing to confide in one friend we were ttc but when we had problems a few months ago it's not the kind of details you can share !!

I seriously found the advice on here very helpful. Took the pressure off ttc and got DH to relax. You may find TTHF is better for you than something like SMEP!

Keep at it and FX for you that things will work out like they did for AmyM


----------



## Juniper'sMama

My husband has DE also. The only thing that helps him is me allowing him to go as long as he needs to. Sometimes, it can take upward to 45 minutes to an hour. And on occasion, he just can't get there, so we use a non-lubricated condom and he DTD in that manually and I use a small syringe to insert the semen. My doctor actually recommended we use this method. We concieved our 3rd child using that method.


----------



## butterfly36

I am also dealing with the same problem. My husband has delayed ejaculation. we did not know what it was until a couple of months ago. Thank goodness we have a 4 1/2 yr old girl but we've been trying to conceive another baby for about three years and we just thought that there was something wrong with us. Now that we know what it is my husband saw a Dr and he has an apt to see a urologist to make sure it is not something physical. We are considering doing an IUI because I am so frustrated already and scared because I am already 36 and I want more kids. What are the chances of getting twins with an IUI? Is taking clomid safe and is there a better chance of having twins if I taking clomid? I also saw a few people on this forum did a home semination. Is that safe?


----------



## ArticBaby

My dh use to have this problem before he started adding zinc tablets.

Now he is a MORNING PERSON, if you know what I mean :thumbup:

He still plans on seeing a urlogist soon about his low sperm count.


----------



## tryhardmummy

Hi gals & guys,

Well we had a very close call. I ended up having a chemical pregnancy back in April. We were able to do it by my husband finishing himself and then inserting at the last moment. 
A bit of a logistical nightmare but never the less we were "pregnant" for about two weeks.
Anyway, I have waited a few months and now it is back to the drawing board this weekend. Fingers crossed for me.
Hope you all find sucess. 
Its extremely emotional at our house sometimes. Its a fine line between wanting a baby, not putting too much pressure on your hubby and the guilt they feel, then you feel. Many tears had privately, its kind of a silent sadness.
I am still keeping positive.:flower:
Congrats Amy. Awesome news.


----------



## pluto

butterfly36 said:


> I am also dealing with the same problem. My husband has delayed ejaculation. we did not know what it was until a couple of months ago. Thank goodness we have a 4 1/2 yr old girl but we've been trying to conceive another baby for about three years and we just thought that there was something wrong with us. Now that we know what it is my husband saw a Dr and he has an apt to see a urologist to make sure it is not something physical. We are considering doing an IUI because I am so frustrated already and scared because I am already 36 and I want more kids. What are the chances of getting twins with an IUI? Is taking clomid safe and is there a better chance of having twins if I taking clomid? I also saw a few people on this forum did a home semination. Is that safe?

hi Butterfly, my DH also has this. I am waiting for the fertility clinic to send me out a apointment. Getting all my bloods done this cycle and DH is getting a sperm analysis. i think we will probably go down the IUI route, although my GP gave me the name of a therapist aswell so might try that aswell-although not looking forward to that and haven't rang her yet-keep putting it off! I'm 38 so feel I have to try all things as am running out of time!! Am going to try see if we can do self insemination this month aswell-tried one month before but wasn't using OPK and DH hasn't really been keen on a repeat try but hoping I can persuade him this month. fraid I dunno what the chances of having twins is-if I find out I'll let you know.! keep me updated on your progress -its reassuring to have other people in the same boat.


----------



## AnneG

Hi everyone! I'm new. I just came across this forum, and am so relieved that I'm not the only one with this issue. It feels good to know that there are other people going through it, and I can now have someone to talk to! 

I've been married for just over 3 years, and my DH has had this 'condition' the entire time. Besides that, the rest of our intimate time together is great... it is just the ejaculating inside of me naturally, that seems nearly impossible. 

Have any of you guys had any positive outcomes with either some sort of treatment for delayed ejaculation, or with getting pregnant while your guy has this condition?? 

I'd love to hear about it, or hear ANY advice.... we are just starting to try to conceive and I sure hope it is a possibility for us, since this is an issue.

Thanks!


----------



## merle

I am so glad I found this thread! We have been TTC for 4 months but are currently on a couple of month break. My DH has had problems with delayed ejaculation for his entire life. It takes about 1 hr when he's with me, and even by himself is much longer than a typical guy. I was really worried about the added pressure of TTC on that. It has caused so many arguements and hurt feelings. We have been trying intercourse then his own manual stimulation while I "assume the position" and wait until he's just about ready. I was feeling bad about how we've had to separate the sex from the baby-making, but it is really reassuring to see we are not the only ones with this problem. AND that others have been successful overcoming the hurdles and conceiving. 

(Sometimes I get so jealous of those women who's husbands get the job done in 2 minutes - but I suppose that has its own downsides when conceiving is not the objective :winkwink: )


----------



## tryhardmummy

Hi gals, 
I am back again. Sooo its been over a year now...
Tick tock. I am 36 now and time is a ticking away.
We are still trying the Ovualion prediction kit, but with the no happy ending happening its hardly worth it. Very stressful, and I feel sorry and worried for my hubby who feels less of a man. 
I would just love it if my husband didnt feel as big a losser as he feels. He is an amazing lover but just cant bring on the bubba. I will let you all know how I go.
So I have finally decide to go to the fertility clinic. I am exploring artificial insemination. 
I hear its not as expensive as you may think, should only cost around $1500 but dont quote me.
Oh one more thing, Stress does not cause infertility. Its a fact, stress can cause a missed period or even be a cause of miscarriage but it can not cause infertility. I was told this by a Melbourne Fertility Clinic.

And to all those people who say "you arent doing it enough, have more sex!!!!" Keep your tips to yourself, you never know peoples situation. Us gals would do it more often if we could!!!!

Peace love and baby, ladies:) Good luck.


----------



## dcone2001

Hi ladies,

I am a man suffering from this as well. My wife had hpv and had to have her cervix burned i guess basically to get rid of this. At the same time i was trying to have sex with her longer and play games but i think she got self concious that it was her problem so i started faking. Sorry this is leading me to a question. Now i feel like she would not understand if i said i cant orgasm during intercourse. We have done mutual masterbating and all that and even though i dont climax i love when we have sex.
1. do any of you have any suggestions on this matter?

2. more importantly my wife has pulled the goalie about 3 months ago. she always says things like if its meant to be its meant to be. i believe she just wants it to happen with ease. not the case for most people. i want children very badly (why i got married). we are both 31 not getting any younger. do you think if i masterbate prior to having sex with her 5-10 minutes that the left over sperm in my urethra could possibly enter her and impregnate her?
Is this wrong to do? I just figured she doesn't realize anyway maybe this could be a cure all with out the stress. Thank you for all your replies in advance.


----------



## mum2beagain

Hi, firstly I really think you need to be honest with your wife explain it how you just have she will understand also from a womans point of view I think she probobly does notice I always knew my dh wasn't climaxing even when he did occasionlly fake it. As for masturbating b4 sex there is a chance it would work but I would say more liely not in the long run it really is best to explain all to your wife ,good luck


----------



## cwa

Hi ladies, really good to know others are having the same problem! My boyfriend has delayed ejactulation and has done since the beggining, like some of you it is all a bit random I would say once out of every four times he can ejaculate inside me but it may take a while, he has no problem on his own. This again was not a problem when we were not trying, it didnt matter that he didnt, we have been properly trying now for 6 months, the added pressure of him having to come inside me has made things a lot worse. I have suggesterd using a syringe but he was horrifed and does not think that is the answer, He also wont admit that he has a delayed problem but more its just us that have an issue, I am 37 and i really dont know what to do anymore, getting him to come on my days has become an impossible task and has put a real pressure between us, when we start to have sex on my days I am just praying that he will be able to ejaculate and of course this is all pressure. feel very upset and not sure what to do. Any one got any advice?


----------



## cwa

KnitWit said:


> I think I've read just about every resource out there on the net. I guess I'm just looking for someone with this problem who also has a happy ending.

hi ya, have the same problem as you, just wondering a few years on did you manage to concieve and if so how?xx


----------



## Crailly

I know that my DH has more issues when he is stressed or not feeling well - so the fact he was out of work for four months and then he also injured his back - has meant that sometimes we were lucky to be having any :sex:, let alone worrying about TTC.

I have been trying a new approach where this month we are just going to have lots of intimate time together, especially on the weekends, and hope for the best.


----------



## tryhardmummy

Still no lucky for me. 
My husband was diagnosed with low testosterone. 
He has been to so many specialists its not funny. 
So in Feb after about 18 months of trying we decided to go to IVF clinic. 
The dr tested hubby and it turns out the testosterone injections that he was on to "fix" the ED and low libido killed all of his sperm so all the hard work we had put in for the last 6 months was a waste of time. 
So now we have to wait another 3-6 months to see if his sperm corrects itself. Then I will be doing Artificial insemination. 
My hubby is going to try hypnosis spiacialist to try to fix the ED problem. 
I will keep you posted.


----------



## tryhardmummy

hi ya, have the same problem as you, just wondering a few years on did you manage to concieve and if so how?xx[/QUOTE]

Hi CWA, 
Just a word of advice, go see a specialist, better to get some advice now before it gets even harder :thumbup:
NOt trying to scare you, but the time just gets away from you. Everyone is getting pregnant around you, babies are every where, and every extra day of not know if you too are going to be a mum gets harder. You will get more emotional as time goes on. For me its not not knowing, it wont be the end of the world for me, but I feel stuck and cant make any real life decisions till I know if we are going to be able to have a little one. 
xx


----------



## LauraJoanne

Hoep this helps, been looking for some succsess stories for you : (from another forum)

------------------------------------------------------------------
hi there

my OH had this when we first started going out, it was great, having sex for ages but then the novelty of this wore off quickly as others here have stated...

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we decided when we were TTC that he should masturbate and then insert at this point just as he ejaculates and that's how I fell pregnant with DS. So yes, it can work very well indeed!!

We were going to seek counselling, but then we decided to change positions (rather than missionary, we started spooning) and then bang after about 4 to 5 minutes of intercourse he was able to ejaculate inside me. 

Like a PP has said about her OH, mine also insisted that it wasn't psychological and that he loved me. I do think my OH relaxed more after our son came along, and changing position helped immensely.

---------------------------------------------------------------
*Male Poster*:

I name changed for this but have this problem and for those who are going through this I have every sympathy. I am a regular male poster here and am too embarrased to post under my normal MN name.

I posted about this on another thread a while ago and how we deal with it. We had two lovely DSs this way.

I have a very happy sex life but I what I have found over the years is that I do not get aroused enough by penetration. I used to worry about it. It did get worse when we were TTC as I felt I had to ejaculate and was under a huge amount of pressure. I do not worry about it now though because I have talked to my wife about it extensively, and taught her how to make me aroused through masturbation, oral and other means I have very intense orgasms as a result of delaying ejaculation so there is a plus side.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
My dh suffers from this - and I know how frustrating it must be for you. Especially, if like me you are constantly trying to be positive so that you wont stress him out more... in the end its a viscious circle.

The good news is that we used the exact method you described and I got pregnant - beautiful 1yr old to prove it. 

In order to not make a big deal of it, I kinda used the ploy that we were just practicing, and if anything happened, all the better but no pressure. At the same time, I knew my cycle well, so we went away for a few days around that time. Therefore, the sex every other day was more from a fun point of view.

So you both can deffo do it. We are just starting for number two... hopefully it will work as good again.

best of luck!

------------------

this is just what i could find hun, hoped this helped a little. FX for you xxxxxxx


----------



## mrsmexico

hey everyone im new to this site today but so glad i came across this post.. I hope there are still people reading these posts and that we can get in touch and discuss this further.
My husband also suffers the same problems and it would be great to talk to others who are in the same position.

thanks

mrsmexico x


----------



## tryhardmummy

Welcome to the post. 
Just wanted to also say thank you to LornaJoanne for your help. 
Mrs Mexico, my recomendation is that you seek medical advice. Sooner rather than later. 
This can drag on for years, to the detriment of some marriages. 
I am super luck that we actually do love each other. 
Good luck with it.
xx


----------



## Crailly

My hubby and I actually had a good talk about it this weekend. It just feels good to know that we both recognize this as a problem. His problem is actually more anejaculation, as in he does not finish at all with sexual intercourse. He is not ready to see a counselor yet but we do both enjoy our sexual relationship. We are going to try things for a few more months and then look into IUI or at least at home insemination. 

Good luck to everyone.


----------



## mrsmexico

my hubby is the same, we have tried home insem but nothing as yet.. 
its so good to know there are people out there with the same probs x


----------



## merle

Just an update for all in this situation. I posted a few month ago (about 4 posts above this). It worked!! We are 12 weeks pregnant. So don't lose hope if you are in this situation, you can work around it successfully!


----------



## merle

Oops, I mean about 11 posts up is where I described our situation with delayed ejaculation. We were successful, so don't lose hope!!


----------



## herry

I registered to BnB so I could chat to other women who are experiencing the same TTC story as myself. My husband has had problems with DE or RE as it is sometimes called for over 20 years, well before he met me! Never an issue before but like many others have said before it is fine right up until the point you decide you are TTC. Plan A was for the past year or so to 'see what happens' and of course nothing happened. Now we're on Plan B which is to use a home insemination kit. currently on 2nd cycle. 

It is so encouraging to know that there are other couples out there going through the same issues, I find the only person I can really talk to about it is my husband as it isn't something you really want to share with your girlfriends. And he doesn't exactly want to go over it time and time again! 

Lets just hope we get our BFP soon!


----------



## KnitWit

cwa said:


> KnitWit said:
> 
> 
> I think I've read just about every resource out there on the net. I guess I'm just looking for someone with this problem who also has a happy ending.
> 
> hi ya, have the same problem as you, just wondering a few years on did you manage to concieve and if so how?xxClick to expand...

Hello! I didnt realise this thread was still active. Seems so long ago! Well my story got a bit more complicated when i was dignosed with PCOS. My OH's problem seemed to getter a bit better as we relaxed the whole TTC process a bit. To be honest i'd pretty much given up then out of the blue i got my BFP last week! 

The way I tackle the DE problem was to make my OH more aware of when i would be typically ovulating. Not a specific day just the week. We would try and have as much sex as we could that week but I would not even hint at which day was the actual O day. It made the process a bit more relaxed i think. 
In the month i conceived we had sex twice during the week i assumed i would ovulate. Ive no idea which day it was as i said i'd given up hope really and stopped tracking these things. When i say we had sex i mean 'successful' sex. 

Anyway, i thought i'd pop back in to just let you know that it is possible!


----------



## soanxious237

I am feeling pretty crappy right now. My fertile window is here and DH is not cooperating well. I have not actually used the term DE with him, but he knows he has a problem. I know home insem is the way to go for us. We have talked about. I have driven to the pharmacy and gotten the syringe. I have sterilezed it. It is in his man cave and ready to go. So why won't he try? 

We have to talk about this. I am just not sure how to start the conversation. How do I ask him to go finish? He has finished once with me in the 10 years we have been together. He has finished a few times through masturbation with me in the room helping. 

I feel like I need a script! Somehow 'hey, do you think you might try to cum tonight?' does not sound right. :wacko:


----------



## Nephew

Hi, I have been with my partner for a year and and we have been having sex for about 9 months.

I am 28, he is 36.


We have a regular sex, but I realised that he is not able to ejaculate, he only ejaculated about 4-5 times in last 9 months!

I am very frustrated and worried that we will not be able to have children?

Any suggestions before "sending him to see a doctor"? i.e. positions etc...


Thanks for answers


----------



## Nephew

herry said:


> I registered to BnB so I could chat to other women who are experiencing the same TTC story as myself. My husband has had problems with DE or RE as it is sometimes called for over 20 years, well before he met me! Never an issue before but like many others have said before it is fine right up until the point you decide you are TTC. Plan A was for the past year or so to 'see what happens' and of course nothing happened. Now we're on Plan B which is to use a home insemination kit. currently on 2nd cycle.
> 
> It is so encouraging to know that there are other couples out there going through the same issues, I find the only person I can really talk to about it is my husband as it isn't something you really want to share with your girlfriends. And he doesn't exactly want to go over it time and time again!
> 
> Lets just hope we get our BFP soon!




Hi, I am in the same situation as you. I am having difficuilty discussing this with my partner as he gets upset when I start talking about his inability to ejaculate.

Did you get help by GP / NHS?

thanks


----------



## ManicSurry

Alright mates...I'm totally lost, confused but finally not alone. My husband and I (i have no idea what all of your acronyms mean and while I would love to look them all up i need to post this before i lose my nerve) 

My husband has DE...perfect with is hand, can't quite make it with me (though I can use my hand and at least I can do that...) And we're TTC. Currently we're having a nice chat about different approaches. 

has anyone had ANY luck with having sex til you climax then letting him jack off until he's ready to cum and then pushing it in. *blushes deeply* I just...want to try and make this happen. he won't allow the bloody syringe and we can't afford the doctors to get involved. Admittedly we've not been at this for long (about 6 months) but...due to my own medical issues, we literally are running out of time. (castrocondritis causing slipped and sublaxed ribs...they dislocate) We found a solution for now but in the long run, when i'm older my body won't be able to heal from what carrying a child does to the back. 

Any advice my lovelies?


----------



## Care76

This whole post will be TMI! I don't know if I can be of much help since this has only happened occasionally for my DH. It happens during O week and when we have sex every day. If we go every other it is usually ok. I find that going out of our norm helps. Toys, dirty talk, me being more vocal and even hurting him a bit and rougher sex helps a lot too. If we try to _make love_ after doing it the day before and don't go overboard with the other stuff it doesn't work. Also lots and lots of foreplay. Hands, mouth, whatever! If you have to do that until just before and then get him to go inside you. But yes, men generally like to know they are getting you aroused as well, so be as vocal as you can. That in itself can be a turn on for them. I know I get turned on when I know I am driving him crazy.

I don't know if this would help at all but we bought a we-vibe. It is a vibrator that gets inserted into you while you have sex (it is small and soft and molds to you near your G spot) and it pleasures him and you at the same time (it also stimulates your clit). Not sure if this would help any of your men, but it is cheapest at amazon.com. it helps me as well when I am sore after BDing all week or for when we just aren't in the mood. 

I really hope some of this can help at least one couple. Good luck!


----------



## Arisa

KnitWit said:


> Sorry if this is TMI but I'm looking for some advice. My partner suffers from delayed ejaculation which basically means he finds it difficult to ejaculate during sex. Most research says that this is completely psychological but he's had this his whole adult life. It's never been a problem before but now we're TTC it's become an issue. I try very hard not to put the pressure on him as I know this will only make matters worse but the ovulation window is so small..
> 
> Is there anyone out there with a similar problem? Any help or advice would be great.
> I was so convinced I had symptoms this month but AF showed up so I'm a bit down in the dumps.

hey congrats on your pregnancy I notice the Delayed problem did not stand in the way of successful conception for you :wahoo: I am so pleased for you and to answer your question, My hubby as the exact same thing and we are going through what you were before your got your :bfp:
its quite inspiring to see that you are expecting now :D

Basically I use my hands to stimulate him and right before he ejaculates he enters me, but it takes time, patience and encouragement. I never rush him and if per chance we are unable to get anything on one of the TTC vital days I just take a deep breath and accept it as not this time round. We have not had that issue yet but it can take up to half an hour for him to get close then enter me but I have found little ways of stimulating him to make it easier for him to ejaculate and pre seed helped him flow so to speak inside of me immensely, i do not know what or how we were coping without it :kiss:

to anyone in the same position, rest assured it will happen, it just takes more time and patience AND pre seed has helped us, even though we will not know yet until after the TWW and it could easily not happen this month but still we are on the right track


----------



## mum2beagain

ManicSurry said:


> Alright mates...I'm totally lost, confused but finally not alone. My husband and I (i have no idea what all of your acronyms mean and while I would love to look them all up i need to post this before i lose my nerve)
> 
> My husband has DE...perfect with is hand, can't quite make it with me (though I can use my hand and at least I can do that...) And we're TTC. Currently we're having a nice chat about different approaches.
> 
> has anyone had ANY luck with having sex til you climax then letting him jack off until he's ready to cum and then pushing it in. *blushes deeply* I just...want to try and make this happen. he won't allow the bloody syringe and we can't afford the doctors to get involved. Admittedly we've not been at this for long (about 6 months) but...due to my own medical issues, we literally are running out of time. (castrocondritis causing slipped and sublaxed ribs...they dislocate) We found a solution for now but in the long run, when i'm older my body won't be able to heal from what carrying a child does to the back.
> 
> Any advice my lovelies?

The way you describe is exactly how we have concieed every time and in total weve been pregnant 8 times in 3 years (5losses) so its very possible after hes come i always put my legs up the wall so to give spermys a little help from gravity good luck it will happen xxx


----------



## ManicSurry

mum2beagain said:


> ManicSurry said:
> 
> 
> Alright mates...I'm totally lost, confused but finally not alone. My husband and I (i have no idea what all of your acronyms mean and while I would love to look them all up i need to post this before i lose my nerve)
> 
> My husband has DE...perfect with is hand, can't quite make it with me (though I can use my hand and at least I can do that...) And we're TTC. Currently we're having a nice chat about different approaches.
> 
> has anyone had ANY luck with having sex til you climax then letting him jack off until he's ready to cum and then pushing it in. *blushes deeply* I just...want to try and make this happen. he won't allow the bloody syringe and we can't afford the doctors to get involved. Admittedly we've not been at this for long (about 6 months) but...due to my own medical issues, we literally are running out of time. (castrocondritis causing slipped and sublaxed ribs...they dislocate) We found a solution for now but in the long run, when i'm older my body won't be able to heal from what carrying a child does to the back.
> 
> Any advice my lovelies?
> 
> The way you describe is exactly how we have concieed every time and in total weve been pregnant 8 times in 3 years (5losses) so its very possible after hes come i always put my legs up the wall so to give spermys a little help from gravity good luck it will happen xxxClick to expand...

YAY! oh you just made me so overwhelmingly happy, it works!! :hugs:

Alright we'll keep on keeping on, I see my OBGYN tomorrow to make sure that everything is in order for me to be able to do all I need to. I've got a new hope now, and new mates online for support. I have to admit I was getting really really depressed about all this. BUT THERE IS HOPE :happydance:


----------



## ManicSurry

ManicSurry said:


> mum2beagain said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ManicSurry said:
> 
> 
> Alright mates...I'm totally lost, confused but finally not alone. My husband and I (i have no idea what all of your acronyms mean and while I would love to look them all up i need to post this before i lose my nerve)
> 
> My husband has DE...perfect with is hand, can't quite make it with me (though I can use my hand and at least I can do that...) And we're TTC. Currently we're having a nice chat about different approaches.
> 
> has anyone had ANY luck with having sex til you climax then letting him jack off until he's ready to cum and then pushing it in. *blushes deeply* I just...want to try and make this happen. he won't allow the bloody syringe and we can't afford the doctors to get involved. Admittedly we've not been at this for long (about 6 months) but...due to my own medical issues, we literally are running out of time. (castrocondritis causing slipped and sublaxed ribs...they dislocate) We found a solution for now but in the long run, when i'm older my body won't be able to heal from what carrying a child does to the back.
> 
> Any advice my lovelies?
> 
> The way you describe is exactly how we have concieed every time and in total weve been pregnant 8 times in 3 years (5losses) so its very possible after hes come i always put my legs up the wall so to give spermys a little help from gravity good luck it will happen xxxClick to expand...
> 
> YAY! oh you just made me so overwhelmingly happy, it works!! :hugs:
> 
> Alright we'll keep on keeping on, I see my OBGYN tomorrow to make sure that everything is in order for me to be able to do all I need to. I've got a new hope now, and new mates online for support. I have to admit I was getting really really depressed about all this. BUT THERE IS HOPE :happydance:Click to expand...

So while i know this isn't the thread to post this type of thing really but i needed to say it here. The above method works! We got our BFP!!!!!:wohoo:


----------



## ellie27

Big congrats!!!!

We had this problem too but found a very simple successful way of getting round it.

-OH would do it into a non-spermicidal condom or clean cup
-use a plastic syringe to suck it up
-insert into vagina just the same way you put in a tampon
-legs in air to help gravity

We have conceived 3 times this way, all pregnancies conceived within 2 or 3 cycles.

This way really does work and it does take a lot of pressure off performing!!:flower:


----------



## mum2beagain

Aww congrats hun xx


----------



## bomber1

Hello
I suffer from delayed ejaculation, and as you would expect, that can cause some problems when trying to impregnate your wife.

Anyway, we decided to try injecting my sperm into my wifes vagina around her ovulation period. We used a needleless syringe, and basically I ejaculated into a sterile cup, filled the needleless syringe with the semen and injected into my wifes vagina.

After two attempts, my wife fell pregnant. She is now 15 weeks and everything is going well.


----------



## ellie27

bomber1 said:


> Hello
> I suffer from delayed ejaculation, and as you would expect, that can cause some problems when trying to impregnate your wife.
> 
> Anyway, we decided to try injecting my sperm into my wifes vagina around her ovulation period. We used a needleless syringe, and basically I ejaculated into a sterile cup, filled the needleless syringe with the semen and injected into my wifes vagina.
> 
> After two attempts, my wife fell pregnant. She is now 15 weeks and everything is going well.

Big congrats - yes, it really does work!!! 

Great to hear so many success stories!:flower:


----------



## 838neen

As so many before have said, it makes me happy just to read about other people having the same problems as us. We are lucky enough to already have a 3.5 year old son - when he was conceived only libido was the problem for my DH who has been taking Prozac/SSRIs for 10 years. We only did the deed twice over 24 hours during the month I conceived - I was 33 then, am now approaching 38... 

This has been a problem for over a year now, DH is going through some major psychotherapy for anxiety issues so is not in the mood most of the time, hence we only try at the right time and then the pressure is not helping.

So it's great to hear that people have had success with their methods - we'll give it a try for a few months but not too long in case we need some proper help. DH is able to talk about it but wants to solve it, so need to persuade him to work on solving it during the non-fertile times and then just do what we need to do during the fertile time (which I'll be vague about, even though I will know exactly when the right time is...!).

Good luck to everyone, it's not something I can talk to any friends about as I feel it's so mortifying for DH so good to find online friends to communicate with instead!


----------



## codey

Wow!! I am so glad I found this thread!!! I've been with my husband for 3 years and now and I love him to bits. It'd probably be the perfect relationship ( his love for his xbox aside) if it weren't for one thing and it's the DE thing. I think I can count on one hand the amount of times he's actually managed to finish in the right place for baby making and it's always been the wrong time. 

I am actually sitting here in tears reading this, glad that there are other people who understand. Its hard, both on me and on him. I feel bad but I really struggle with it - I feel like its my fault, that if maybe I was thinner/prettier/more attractive then it'd be different. Obviously, I can't share this with OH because he'd be devastated so I'm another silently crying in the bathroom.

I want to be a mother so badly, but I've been free of contraception for a year now and nothing. Not a scare. We've been trying the putting it in afterwards thing but that only works once in a while and I don't like the idea of the syringe (clinical), but I'm starting to think that it might be the only way. 

He wont get counselling, or go to his doctor. :cry::cry::cry:


----------



## Jo.t

Its good to know there are success stories ! My oh often has problems finishing - he takes ages & then loses his erection - he gets really upset. I used to think I dident turn him on enough but after talking it through I know he does get aroused & it is very frustrating for him too !!

We have been trying for a year now & have had a BFP which ended in a chemical 

- not sure if this would be classed as ed or de !? 

Its not just me he has had the problem with so that makes me feel a bit better !


----------



## Jo.t

Its good to know there are success stories ! My oh often has problems finishing - he takes ages & then loses his erection - he gets really upset. I used to think I dident turn him on enough but after talking it through I know he does get aroused & it is very frustrating for him too !!

We have been trying for a year now & have had a BFP which ended in a chemical 

- not sure if this would be classed as ed or de !? 

Its not just me he has had the problem with so that makes me feel a bit better !


----------



## mrs ctrlfrk

Hi, I'm new here but came upon this discussion after googling DE like many of you. I feel so relieved to find others in the same boat. We've been married 5 years now and have been ttc for the past couple years but not very successfully. Sex has been an obvious issue for a long time but only after the first year. Before that, everything worked great. Don't know what happened and for the longest time, I thought it was me. I knew there was a 'problem' but didn't know there was an actual term until DH finally went to a urologist last spring. It took a year to get him to agree to see a doctor because he finally realized it was taking him forever. He wouldn't even masturbate...it was so frustrating month after month watching the clock tick away. (I'm 34 now.) Now he's sort of come to terms with it but still won't see a therapist like the dr. suggested. We've been doing AI for the past few months but I think now we finally got the hang of it. And now after reading all of these posts, I feel so much better about just being patient with him and supporting him through this. 

So now I'm just wondering with your DHs with DE, how much semen do you actually get? I read that 2-6mL was 'normal' and he's been getting 2mL or just under. I feel like it's not enough? We still need to get him a SA but he's been shy about that for a while. I think we're going to have him try this coming week since we're in our TWW now. But I wonder if it's enough for the SA...anyone know? 

Also looking for advice about IUI - if we should consider pursuing that. I turn 35 in a few months and am just nervous about my chances becoming even slimmer.

Thanks...so glad to be able to share this finally.


----------



## ellie27

mrs ctrlfrk said:


> Hi, I'm new here but came upon this discussion after googling DE like many of you. I feel so relieved to find others in the same boat. We've been married 5 years now and have been ttc for the past couple years but not very successfully. Sex has been an obvious issue for a long time but only after the first year. Before that, everything worked great. Don't know what happened and for the longest time, I thought it was me. I knew there was a 'problem' but didn't know there was an actual term until DH finally went to a urologist last spring. It took a year to get him to agree to see a doctor because he finally realized it was taking him forever. He wouldn't even masturbate...it was so frustrating month after month watching the clock tick away. (I'm 34 now.) Now he's sort of come to terms with it but still won't see a therapist like the dr. suggested. We've been doing AI for the past few months but I think now we finally got the hang of it. And now after reading all of these posts, I feel so much better about just being patient with him and supporting him through this.
> 
> So now I'm just wondering with your DHs with DE, how much semen do you actually get? I read that 2-6mL was 'normal' and he's been getting 2mL or just under. I feel like it's not enough? We still need to get him a SA but he's been shy about that for a while. I think we're going to have him try this coming week since we're in our TWW now. But I wonder if it's enough for the SA...anyone know?
> 
> Also looking for advice about IUI - if we should consider pursuing that. I turn 35 in a few months and am just nervous about my chances becoming even slimmer.
> 
> Thanks...so glad to be able to share this finally.

Hi there!!

We would only ever get 1ml maximum- but we would do it around 4 times round the most fertile week. 

We conceived all 3 pregs this way, and all within just 3 months of starting ttc.

Good luck!:flower:


----------



## mrs ctrlfrk

Just wondering if anyone tried counseling with their DHs for delayed ejaculation and if it worked...


----------



## Mr 123

Hi there.

I notice there aren't too many fellas who post here. But I've decided enough was enough. My situation is like everyone else's here - DE. Prior to my wife and I deciding to TTC, there was no problem. However, since then, during O week, my wife would expect sex from me from day 7 through to day 17. Usually, the first 4 days are fine...I could ejaculate within her but the remaining days were the issue.

We have been trying for the last 5 months to no avail and its taking a drastic toll on both her and I. I've been hearted to hear that the AI method has been successful for some, but am wary of results as I think they differ for individual circumstances. 

Can I as, with the AI, what days did you perform these? My wife is regular as clockwork (28day cycle)...we are in the process of getting a ovulation kit...

Thank you to all the ladies who have posted with their stories and good luck to the rest who are struggling through it.


----------



## PG5K

So glad to have found this thread as my husband suffers with this to. 
He can only do it through masturbation so I find out when I am fertile using opks and then we inseminating 3-4 times over about 5 days.
I know he gets stressed because of the short 'window' so I do wish we could do it without me telling him but obviously he knows when I have to whip out a cup!
It's worked for us once but we sadly lost it.

I find the lesbian ttc threads very helpful and welcoming. 

We are onto our 3rd cycle ttc after the mc now.

I'm always looking for inspiring stories though. :hugs:


----------



## DE_Guy

Myself and my wife are currently TTC and I like others posted here this is being hampered by DE. 

Firstly many thanks to all whe've posted here and given their stories and given advice where they could.

Too add my "two cents" worth, I've recently tried using a prostrate massager during sex and I've found while this hasn't completely resolved the DE issue, it has substansiously increased the frequency that I can achieve orgasm during intercourse. I recognise not evey guy might not be be comfortable (figuratively and literally) with this option, but I tought is was worth throwing out there as a possible solution to some.

We'll probably keep trying to conceive "naturally" for the moment, but i'm heartened that there are other options available, so thanks to all who've contributed.

Without trying to insult anybody, I'd just like to pick up on a bit of a trend in some of the previous posts. I've noticed that some of the posts written by females open with phrases like "my husband has this problem". While it may be a bit of symantics, I prefer to think of DE as an issue that exists within our sexual relationship, rather than a problem that one person (specifically me) has. While DE is normally rooted psycologicaly within the male partner, I've found that for example when my wife makes the effort to "spice things up" with things like sexy lingere etc! etc!! etc!!! _(Insert whatever gets your man going here)_ this can have positive effects. When one or the other of us starts getting anxious about TTC or the whole procees becomes a bit contrived this can have negative effects. 

I believe both partners can contribute to making DE less of an issue by communicating and supporting each other - by making the effort to keep the "love" in lovemaking. Posting online "my husband has this problem" online is fine - however I wouldn't advise phrasing things that way to your OH as it implies blame which won't help at all.


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## mum2beagain

While I agree that it may imPly blame unless you know everyone's circumstances then it's a hard one my oh has always had this issue and is certainly not to do with our relationship as he has never ejaculated with any e partner either therefore it really is an issue with him not us as a couple as nothing has ever made him able to come during intercourse thanku for the male Perspective though


----------



## inpghttc

Hello everyone...my husband does not have this issue but we have something a little bit similar and since all the other threads that I posted this in really puzzled people and no one said they were in the same boat....I thought maybe here would be the best place to post this... I met my DH around 10 years ago. Before me, my DH dated a girl who was also on the pill. When I was on the pill, I didn't care about CM and didn't ever pay attention to it, but I know that I barely had any and the pill must have dried me up because I would only be "wet" during BD for a little bit and then if we wanted to continue, I had to use lube! Now that I have been off the pill for going on 7 months, I still don't really notice anything in my underwear and not that much on the TP either, but I must get at least some EWCM because my husband notices that around O time of the month, I am wetter and "feel different" than usual. He actually says that I feel different than I did on the pill all the time, but even more so around O time. Here is my question and issue. I think because he was so used to BD'ing with "friction" most of the time, that is what he got used to and started to like. Plus, even when he takes matters into his own hands (hahaha) he doesn't use any lube. So, I had to explain to him why I am probably more wet than I used to be, why it is even worse around O time, and why it is actually a good thing. He complains about it though and said it seems weird, doesn't feel right, and it makes it harder for him to finish. He actually made me mad yesterday when he said, "I don't know how anyone ever ends up pregnant, ovulation sex is so weird!" He says that when he is able to "finish" he can't feel how much is there because it mixes in with my stuff and sometimes the orgasms aren't as good because of it...He isn't complaining about that part, we are just very open with each other and can say anything and I think he is afraid that his "stuff" isn't good enough to get me preggo during O time. Has anyone else who was on the pill a long time experienced this?? I just need to know that I am not the only one!! I am also worried that the fact that he can't finish every single time we try and even though we try to time things perfectly so that we BD during the best time to get preggo (our sex drives aren't that high so every other day BD'ing is not possible), maybe he's right about it not being good enough?? Any advice or stories like this??


----------



## kk9

Hi All, 
So nice to finally find a forum like this!!! I have been looking for awhile! I will go ahead and share my story and then share some of the things I have learned on this journey (though it isn't complete). 

We got married over 6 years ago and DE has been an issue on and off through much of our marriage. When we first got married I was on birth control and looking back the DE didn't seem as much of an issue. When I got off birth control we were TTA using a combination of charting and the pull out method. I think TTA without birth control made the issue worse because DH was worried about coming. I was concerned we would have a hard time getting pregnant, but DH assured me, that once we wanted to get pregnant - it would be easy to "switch back on." Unfortunately, it was not so simple. We have been TTC since August - but have only had one cycle with a successful BD session. Actually - we really stopped TTC in October because it just became too stressful. Instead we are trying to work on BD process. I found I was starting to resent him - which is really NOT a good thing. I was concerned that the stress of DE and TTC would damage our relationship. So now we are taking a little break to just work on us and the BD process. :) 

DH has been on SSRIs(Lexapro) for the last 10 years and I think that has made the DE an issue. Erectile Dysfunction (ED) also used be an intermittent issue (this is also an SSRI side effect). ED plus DE made BDing EXTREMELY challenging and frustrating. Thankfully he got a low dose viagra and that got rid of that problem. :) Definitely recommend it for anyone else that is having that issue. It was a little hard on the ego - but once he got his mojo back - he was very thankful! DH has been to a urologist for the ED problem and he recommended Cabergoline. This is a drug used to treat something else but apparently can improve men and woman's ability to orgasm. DH has been on it for 3 months and so far it has not helped. However - I would recommend seeing a urologist and seeing what treatment options there are. I have heard that yohimbe bark can be very effective. I have just started him on Maca Root - which increases testosterone and is supposed to be very good for male virility - from libido, to erections, to sperm count. I will let you know if we have any success with that!

Glad to get a few practical tips. We haven't tried anything but the "old fashioned way" - so maybe we will have to try the manual stimulation mid-intercourse. 

inpghttc - I know a bit about what you are talking about. A man's penis can loose sensitivity from age, masturbation, etc - so the lube reduces the sensation. This is one of the problems for people with DE. Not sure that I have any advice - but I know if we use too much lube it can be a cause of DE for my husband too. 

So glad I am not the only one that slinks away to cry after bd! So sad - but so true! But you ladies (and gentleman) have truly given me hope!! Lets keep up the success stories! I will let you know how the Maca Root goes. :)


----------



## 838neen

Hi all, was very glad to find this thread a few months ago (challenging time for both of us, dh on SSRIs long term). Have taken up the ideas on AI and on our 2nd month of TTC got a positive! Now 6 weeks and keeping fingers crossed all goes well. Not coming onto boast but know that when I was reading, wanted to find some good news stories to know it worked!

We did every 2nd day from about day 11 of my cycle (I ovulate quite late, around 18 up to the day after a positive ovulation test.

Good luck everyone!


----------



## 3outnumbered

my oh has the same problem but only since he has been on his ADs, when he told the doctor we were ttc he gave us viagra, but all that means is pressure on oh to finish, the doctor says without it we can only ttc every five days which as you know is not good for ov time when every day bding counts, have read every post in this thread and am glad i found it, i am in my fertile time at the moment and am really worried that my oh is stressing as much as i am! it is difficult as he has only been on the ADs for a year, before that we concieved our other babies fine.


----------



## kk9

Hi Ladies,

Just wanted to check in and tell you that DH has been taking Maca (Brand: Pure Maca - 2x a day) and it has made a serious improvement!! I highly recommend it! He has been able to finish almost every time since he started taking it (one time - he wasn't but I think I was putting too much pressure on him and we were probably BDing too often). It also has increased his libido. As I mentioned DH has been on SSRIs for about 10 years and has had this problem off and on - but recently has been worse. It seems that the Maca may be a good antidote. 

No BFP yet - and we aren't able to BD every day - or even every other day- but we are making improvements - so hopefully we will be able to conceive naturally soon!

Good luck everyone!


----------



## buttercream

I realize this thread was started quite a long time ago, but since it at least still had activity in this year I hope it's okay to 'bump' the thread now. 

I'm a new B&B member, and this thread is what drew me to the board. I just have to say reading everyone's stories and struggles was a HUGE help to me. My DH and I have been together three years and have struggled with DE in that time. When we decided we were ready to start a family, I wasn't sure it would ever work for us. For four months got into a daily BD routine during my ovulation window, and my DH was only able to 'finish' just once. It was starting to get stressful to for both of us and I knew that would only make it harder. 

But there have been so many useful tips on this board! We haven't tried all the methods yet, but this past week we've been trying one method which seems popular, in which we start the BD, he pulls out and 'works' on himself, then enters me to finish. The first time we got this to work, I think we were both just so relieved! While I value our sex life and I want to fix things together so my DH can finish each time, or at least more often, and get as much pleasure as I do, as we're both over 30 now TTC has taken top priority over everything else. I'm happy we have alternatives to try now that alleviate some of the pressure off my DH. Here's hoping we'll have a BFP someday soon! :thumbup:


----------



## mum2beagain

Hey buttercream good luck my dh has never been able to finish during sex only ever through him masturbsting, however we have conceived 8 times using the method you are trying sadly we suffered 5 mc but are days away from delivering our third child so it does def work :) xx


----------



## MrsParker

Me and DH also have some probs in this area. trying yohimbe, will keep u posted!


----------



## buttercream

mum2beagain said:


> Hey buttercream good luck my dh has never been able to finish during sex only ever through him masturbsting, however we have conceived 8 times using the method you are trying sadly we suffered 5 mc but are days away from delivering our third child so it does def work :) xx

Stories like yours are what give me hope and made me sign up here, THANK YOU! So sorry for your mcs, but wow, days away from baby number three, you are truly blessed! I love my DH more than anything and I know he'll make a wonderful father, DE can be such a source of stress but I've made him see he's not alone in this. I'm just glad we've been able to work through this together and find alternative solutions to attempt. We just have a _different_ sort of BD now! :happydance:


----------



## sweetmere

My dh has this problem if we babydance too much, or if he gets "close" a couple of times and doesn't go, it's hard for him to go. A few nights ago we used the "get yourself close and then enter me" method. 

We will see if we conceived this month. I am really, really hoping so.


----------



## buttercream

sweetmere said:


> My dh has this problem if we babydance too much, or if he gets "close" a couple of times and doesn't go, it's hard for him to go. A few nights ago we used the "get yourself close and then enter me" method.
> 
> We will see if we conceived this month. I am really, really hoping so.

Ohhhh I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!! :hugs: That's how we did it this cycle too. I'm a little sad because we had crazy schedules during my 'window', so we didn't get to DTD every night like I hoped. But I'm still anxiously waiting out this 2WW!


----------



## Lovehope

Just wanna share my success story. Currently having a 1yo boy. My DH has delayed ejaculation and has never been successful inside me. Worst, I have PCOS so I don't ovulate often. I went for TCM treatment & exercise regularly. Finally, We are able to conceive through the method that you guys have discussed previously. 

Now I wanna try for #2 but it is even harder coz DH has difficulty to stay hard now. My PCOS problem remains so I guess we just have to try harder.


----------



## dess

hi just found this site and its good to realise others have the same problems. my beloved has had this problem for years, before i met him. We both would love children. Been trying with syringe for quite a while now as the dr suggested, but no luck yet. Also makes it more complicated as I am 39 and when i was 30 was diagnosed with bad endometriosis. Got an appointment next few weeks to go down the IVF route. It's a tricky one! Should we try a bit longer or just go for the IVF????? Good luck to everyone out there. I know being stressed about it makes things worse, but its difficult not to stress when its so important to you


----------



## dess

hi redfraggle. only joined site yesterday and not sure how it all works, or what all the lingo means yet!! I've read some of your posts as you seem in a similar situation to me. if you get this message would be good to hear from you. Hope it all goes well for you, sounds like a long old journey you've been on!!


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## SaraJewel

Looking to share experiences and woes!!! We have been ttc for over 7 months now. I don't know if my OH has delayed ejaculation or performance anxiety, but basically he couldn't finish for the first 4 months of ttc and has only finished 2 times in the past 3 months. 

I have been going crazy with this. We talked about it a few months ago and took the pressure off a bit, and since then I have stopped talking about ttc. BUT I cannot see the situation improving. I want to broach the subject about AI with him or other methods to help him finish, but he is quite old fashioned and I am worried that he will not be able to talk about this.

How has everyone else broached the subject? Also, has anyone sought help from their Doctor and if so, were they receptive? I am over 35 so am wondering whether we should go and see our Dr for advice............... Help!!!!


----------



## janey211

Hello, 

This is my first post so excuse me if I don't use all the lingo yet. My husband is also a DE guy and we have just started IA at home. I have started to test for Ovulation and I am currently CD14 and no lines yet. I have few questions and I am hoping someone can answer!

1) Does the "cup" need to be sterile or will a new paper cup each time be ok?

2) does the syringe need to be new or sterlized each try?

3) how long will "his boys" be ok in the cup? I have read anywhere from minutes to 72 hours..?

4) My periods sometimes start with a very tiny amout of blood on the TP. Just a little speck. Then it may take a day or 2 for it to fully flow. So, when would I say my period started? when the flow started or I saw the first drop?

5) assuming that I get a sense of when I ovualte, I sould be doing IA from around CD10 to CD18? correct?

We literally started this week and I am already going insane. This is going to be hard.:coffee::coffee::coffee:


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## janey211

I was also really worried about the IA discussion but it is what it is. I used a humor approach and it worked well. He wasn't stressed because I wasn't stressed. It is a fact and it needs to be addressed. Try talking about it as light hearted as you can!


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## janey211

janey211 said:


> I was also really worried about the IA discussion but it is what it is. I used a humor approach and it worked well. He wasn't stressed because I wasn't stressed. It is a fact and it needs to be addressed. Try talking about it as light hearted as you can!

ummm I meant AI....BTW


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## janey211

janey211 said:


> Hello,
> 
> This is my first post so excuse me if I don't use all the lingo yet. My husband is also a DE guy and we have just started IA at home. I have started to test for Ovulation and I am currently CD14 and no lines yet. I have few questions and I am hoping someone can answer!
> 
> 1) Does the "cup" need to be sterile or will a new paper cup each time be ok?
> 
> 2) does the syringe need to be new or sterlized each try?
> 
> 3) how long will "his boys" be ok in the cup? I have read anywhere from minutes to 72 hours..?
> 
> 4) My periods sometimes start with a very tiny amout of blood on the TP. Just a little speck. Then it may take a day or 2 for it to fully flow. So, when would I say my period started? when the flow started or I saw the first drop?
> 
> 5) assuming that I get a sense of when I ovualte, I sould be doing IA from around CD10 to CD18? correct?
> 
> We literally started this week and I am already going insane. This is going to be hard.:coffee::coffee::coffee:

I meant AI ....BTW


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## LilMrs224

My husband has the same issue and has the whole time we have been together. At first it was an issue because I have never been with a guy who couldn't "accomplish" from just having sex with me. After we talked ALOT about the whole thing it just didn't matter anymore so much if he did or didn't "accomplish" but with us TTC it has been a huge road block. We have found that some things help. (TMI) but he can when we do oral most times. So we kinda trick his body! We have sex normally then after I get mine we switch it up and he gets oral until he literally is about to then we very quickly switch it up he sticks it in and BAM the deed is done. It took us alot of practice but thats how I got pregnant the first time. Also we realized that if we do this enough regularly he lossens up and after a while he can do it from just sex. 

I know thats way too much info but I just wanted you to know your not alone and if you need to talk or to vent or whatever else then inbox me 

:dust:


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## SaraJewel

janey211 said:


> I was also really worried about the IA discussion but it is what it is. I used a humor approach and it worked well. He wasn't stressed because I wasn't stressed. It is a fact and it needs to be addressed. Try talking about it as light hearted as you can!

Thanks Janey, this is really helpful! Good luck:winkwink:


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## LittleLunisis

I have the same issue with my partner, though he insists it's not psychological (even though I know it clearly is from many conversations we have had).

We are now TTC and he was in complete denial and used to make excuses, 'I've eaten too much', 'I didn't stretch', 'I am tired'. He doesn't do this any more since I pointed out that it's a known condition.

I don't put any pressure on him and I always say as long as he had fun it doesn't matter but when you are TTC the pressure is always there as much as you try to forget about it. 

I want to approach the subject of artificial insemination at home to help things along. Not quite sure how I am going to do this yet. He is the one that wanted children from the beginning and we are now in a really good place. I just feel if we don't try other methods it'll never happen.

:shrug:


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## The mailman

Hi new to this as I google it last nnight, Me and my wif are trying for a third and last night we had sex but I couldn't get my self to come. This happened when trying for our second as well. And having long sessions is just not fun when you know the outcome isnt going to be what you want. I kinda knew it was in my head , I think it comes down to pressure. The. Pressure of knowing that in the end, it all comes down to me, if I don't come, there will be no babies. So I broke it down like this.. 
I have never had problems coming when having sex with my wife, she knew that and that was wery important because she understood it had nothing to do with her. And since it all come down to one thing, We want a baby, then it was simple. 
I told her that I could go into another room and masturbate to the point of coming and then come into the bedroom and finish inside her. She agreed that that wasn't such a bad idea and so we did and I worked like a charm.
I needed to get this of my chest as I found very little help online. Can't really afford therapy;) 
I went in to this site to tell the worlds men that I had a solution and when I couldn't find the thread I found yesterday I stumbled on your answer.
Thank you and good bye :)


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## pinkgirlj

KnitWit said:


> Sorry if this is TMI but I'm looking for some advice. My partner suffers from delayed ejaculation which basically means he finds it difficult to ejaculate during sex. Most research says that this is completely psychological but he's had this his whole adult life. It's never been a problem before but now we're TTC it's become an issue. I try very hard not to put the pressure on him as I know this will only make matters worse but the ovulation window is so small..
> 
> Is there anyone out there with a similar problem? Any help or advice would be great.
> I was so convinced I had symptoms this month but AF showed up so I'm a bit down in the dumps.

I have the same problem .Hope you are pregnant now.. How did you get over this problem? have tried 2 IUI's and no success


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## pinkgirlj

Redfraggle said:


> :hi:
> 
> Hello, my husband has this problem! Think there is only three of us on this site who have this problem. No happy ending for me yet but the other women is in 2nd tri so there is hope!
> 
> I'm over in the LLTTC bit and have a journal there with our story.
> 
> My husbands problem is psychological as well but in our case it only started about five years ago (and only with me, he is fine on his own). We went to the doctors about it and got referred for counselling. It did help a bit, we discovered the cause of it and he gave us loads of techniques and "homework" to do each week. I can give you more details of it if you want. It was a partial success. He can now ejeculate if pleasure him by hand or mouth but we can't seem to do it through intercourse (although he keeps insisting we are getting really close to it now - which we never were before).
> 
> I know how fustrating it is for you and how difficult it is to stay relaxed. Can't tell you how many times I have waited for DH to fall asleep after sex and sneaked off to the bathroom for a good cry.
> 
> Any questions at all just ask. There is fantastic support here and it is easier to be relaxed with my husband when I can come on here and rant and rave about it all to the girls in here instead of ranting to him!
> 
> :hugs:

Its exactly the same problem that me and my husband are facing.. You said with few tips you were able to get over the problem.. could you please tell them and do you have any good news now?


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## pinkgirlj

mum2beagain said:


> hi guys i just want to give u a sucess story my husband has this same problem he always has done however we have a 2 yr old daughter and a baby on the way he cant ejaculate at all with my help or during intercourse but on his own he is fine so i know it is not easy but when we were trying ttc our children i just laid on the bed while he knelt between my legs i would lay with my eyes closed for abit less embarrasedment for him he would pleasure himself and just as he was about to ejaculate he would go inside if u get me i would then put my legs up the wall lol give the:spermy: a helping hand and i have alway sfallen pregnant 1st month of trying hope this helps feel free to pm me if u would like a chat as i know how frustrating it can be especially if u have a man who is embarrassed by good luck and lots of :dust: to you all xx

me and my hubby have the same problem and your success story is a great news to me .. just waiting to try the same way as you said... just a question..dont know if its awkward to ask. Wont his penis become soft(loose erection) by the time he pleasures himself and then enters.. ?


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## mum2beagain

It took bit of practice but he now enters me about 3 seconds before he cums I lay In front of him with my legs open and eyes closed get kneels between my legs so hes in the right place to quicy get in there lol x good luck


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## Asapbaby

KnitWit said:


> Sorry if this is TMI but I'm looking for some advice. My partner suffers from delayed ejaculation which basically means he finds it difficult to ejaculate during sex. Most research says that this is completely psychological but he's had this his whole adult life. It's never been a problem before but now we're TTC it's become an issue. I try very hard not to put the pressure on him as I know this will only make matters worse but the ovulation window is so small..
> 
> Is there anyone out there with a similar problem? Any help or advice would be great.
> I was so convinced I had symptoms this month but AF showed up so I'm a bit down in the dumps.

I am soooo glad I found this post. My DH and I are ttc for for a few months. Went to a fertility specialist, however, I want to conceive naturally I.e no ivf etc. My DH has DE and low sperm count and linear progression, I have pcos.

For DE we will try :-
1. Artificial insemination.
2. Practice putting "it" in right before he comes.
3. Iui as last resort


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## pinkribbon

I haven't read the whole thread so I hope you are getting on ok :flower:

When my partner and I first got together he had this problem (I am his only sexual partner) and he was worried about it too, was concerned it could be all sorts of things. 

He found out that when he relaxed and stopped tensing up he found ejaculation very easy and now we have no issues whatsoever. Maybe worth a go?


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## SYN101815

KnitWit said:


> Sorry if this is TMI but I'm looking for some advice. My partner suffers from delayed ejaculation which basically means he finds it difficult to ejaculate during sex. Most research says that this is completely psychological but he's had this his whole adult life. It's never been a problem before but now we're TTC it's become an issue. I try very hard not to put the pressure on him as I know this will only make matters worse but the ovulation window is so small..
> 
> Is there anyone out there with a similar problem? Any help or advice would be great.
> I was so convinced I had symptoms this month but AF showed up so I'm a bit down in the dumps.


I know that your post is old and I am hoping this gets to you! My hubby and I are having the same issue. It has been very emotional for me! I am being super patient and understanding but it's hard when you have no one to talk to about the issue. I wanted to reach out to you and see what your results were. If you have a successful story and if you could share your story with me. Any advice would help and be appreciated.


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