# Got called "stupid" today...



## Jess137

For saying that I want to keep my baby in the room with me at the hospital instead of sending her to the nursey. Then to top it off, she told me that I was being lied to that laboring in water and using a birthing ball will help. (I mentioned that the hospital's new birthing suites have tubs to labor in and birthing balls in every room.) Also, the woman who told me this has had one child, 25 years ago, and did not use either of those things.

Have to learn to keep my mouth shut, because everyone has an opinion on how I want to do things.

Sorry for the pointless rant...didn't know where else it would fit in :)

EDIT: I want my baby with me at the hospital because she is going to be breastfed (on demand), and I don't want some nurse deciding when she's hungry enough to bring to me. Also I would get home and have no idea what her hunger cues are. Plus, I can't imagine having her inside me all this time, then sending her away as soon as she gets here...honestly it seems a little cruel to me to do that to my baby.


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## aliss

It seems the US is one of the few modern countries left that actually still has nurseries! We don't have those here for healthy babies. Why on earth would one separate a healthy newborn from it's mother (and that goes for _all_ mammals, not just the humans!).

Well, I've had both a birth with zero water and one with 12 hours in a hot shower, and I can guarantee you that it made alll the difference! :) A birthing ball, now that I don't know, it didn't fit into my lovely shower so I didn't care to use it


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## Jess137

Water birth unfortunately isn't an option for me since I have to give birth at the hospital :( But I am so excited that I can at least labor in a tub. I want to do this unmedicated if at all possible and I think the water will help.


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## fionar

Who the heck called you stupid for that??

Those seem like totally valid and reasonable things to want - she obviously has no clue what she's talking about.

(I will say that I personally didn't get much use out of the birth ball I had around, because I just wasn't comfortable on it once labor really got going, but I LOVED having it around my house the last couple weeks of pregnancy and for maybe the first hour after I woke up having contractions.)


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## NaturalMomma

Someone hasn't done their research then. It wasn't a nurse was it?


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## jensha

She is the one that's stupid!

The hospitals around here don't send babies in the nursery. It's only for sick babies. They stay in the room with the mom. 

She obviously has no clue about water births and using other positions to labour than laying on your back!


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## Jess137

Actually she is a nurse (I work in a family medicine doctor's office and she works with me).


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## R8ch

Jess137 said:


> Actually she is a nurse (I work in a family medicine doctor's office and she works with me).

OMG that's even worse. What strange ideas that lady has. She didn't experience the wonder of water then! Seriously sent a wave of calm over me when I got in. It was so relaxing that it stopped me progressing in labour so I had to get out after 2 hours, lol.
Not sure how feeding babies and them being in another room works either.......!!
Rx


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## Jess137

Well, the nurses in the nursery decide when they think baby is hungry and then brings it to the mom to feed. Though in the US, a lot of women who formula feed leave the baby overnight in the nursery and the nurses feed the baby all night.

I've decided I'm doing Natal Hypnotherapy too - I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm going to do what I need to do to have the birth I want!


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## Blondie2008

I honestly didn't realise that some places still did the whole take the baby to the nursery thing! You should do whatever is best for you and you little one xx


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## Robiloo

Gosh in the uk the only reason they take the baby is for special care, the midwives barely touch your baby unless needed, mummy does it all.. I was given my baby and that was that apart from a quick weigh and a check with a paediatrician. 

It's YOUR baby, ignore everyone's opinion and do what you want


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## Feronia

She's the one who's stupid! 

Water definitely helped -- I used both a shower and a tub. I didn't think I'd use a birthing ball ahead of time, but during labour it was very nice to sit on it and lean over on pillows on a couch. It was one of the few positions (along with leaning backwards over a chair) that really minimized the pain.

And if someone tried to take my baby after birth I would have gone mental! I can't believe that anyone would want to be separated from their baby, and it certainly isn't the norm in most countries.


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## Fortune Cooki

I'm giving birth at this birthing center in East Bay, California that prides itself on being modern and more comforting than a regular hospital. They still take every baby to the nursery for a few minutes. Daddy gets to go with the baby if he chooses to. At least there's that! LOL.


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## rachiedata

I would have gone totally cavewoman if anyone tried to take my baby. I don't care how much medical training they've had, if it ain't your newborn (mum/dad/other genetic vested interest!) then you shouldn't be holding it! It isn't natural and it shouldn't be normal.


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## lemongrass

We don't do the nursery thing here anymore either. I wouldn't have allowed anyone to take my baby from me! I still haven't! He's only been in other rooms with my MIL or my husband but never in a different building! People always have their silly opinions, ignore them all and do what is right for you! It's funny, as soon as I gave birth I lost the ability to care what others thought of what I did- my baby is most important!

And on the birthing ball- make sure you have one at home! Babies like motion and you can sit on it and bounce with your baby in your arms (close to you, so they move with your body) and it calms them down! We spend hours on ours!


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## Sam Pearson

That woman knows nothing. I had my first baby in hospital and the staff kept offering to take my baby away. No thanks. I was the only mother who kept her baby with her. Every time I went past the nursery there was always babies crying. The nurses were picking them up but there were more crying babies than nurses. So keen were they to take my baby away that one time when I went to the loo I left him in his trolley just outside - so that going over the bump in the doorway didn't wake him - I was super quick - didn't even shut the door to be sure to hear if he cried - when I came out he was gone - I was so upset. After that I never let him out of my sight. We had lots of skin on skin cuddles and he never had to get to actually crying to let me know when he needed me.

From then on it was more of the same - I was told to feed him less often by the baby health nurse even though baby and I were happy demand feeding - I didn't listen and stopped going back there. Then my GP advised me to wean him - no way. I ws told to stop carrying him around all the time in a baby carrier but instead I started a baby carrier business and started giving free sling talks/demos. I was told not to sleep with him or he'd never sleep solo - he's a champion sleeper. Everybody told me to keep him in school even though he was very unhappy there - so I homeschooled him regardless of what they thought. His Dad's family told me I needed to hit him. So many people trying to interfere with our attachment when we weren't even asking their opinion.

BTW He is now a 22yo working man living independently and has a wonderful girlfriend and nice friends and a great job. We have a wonderful and very close relationship - he keeps in contact with us, tells me he loves me all the time, comes around for Mums home cooking and to see his little sisters all the time helps me whenever I need a hand. Meanwhile I don't see that same attachment maintained in all families.

Do what you feel is best for you and your baby and that's all that matters.


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## Quest55

that is incredibly insensitive of her and ignorant! It is unbelievable! Obviously you know she is out of her mind with her silly advice. I already know water is going to help me as when I have my period taking long showers always made me feel better.


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## vic161209

jess-u clearly no what u want so stay strong, if your confident in your choices ppl will back off

sam p-i actually gasped out loud when i read your baby was wheeled off while u were in the bathroom! its sad that we have to fight for our right to raise our children the way we wish-every one has an opinion it seems n like it or not they feel the need to 'share' with us. 

im planning home birth this time so i can labour my way, ill have a hospital bag ready just incase of emergency transfer and im very tempted to make a polite little tag saying 'breast milk only' to stick on babys cot, i would b devastated if my baby was given cows milk/formula, but since i worked on my local maternity ward for the last 2years i know the midwives had a tendancy to 'top up' to give mums a rest and its not always concented to first! i.e mum is asleep or getting assistance after c-section. if medically needed i know they can access donor breast milk but because its expensive its not offered, u have to request it.


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## MrsStutler

Wow. She is a moron, and a disgrace to the title of nurse! A nurse should be supportive and helpful, not rude and disrespectful.

Our hospital birthing center describes themselves as "room in" meaning you keep baby with you the whole time. They have a small nursery but only for when it is really needed (mom coming back from surgery, mom physically unable to care for baby). If you are able to care for the baby, are healthy, and baby is healthy...you don't get a choice! :haha: The only time we had the nurses look after our son was when my hubby helped me take a shower. I didn't feel comfortable leaving him in the room all alone while we were showering.


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## shelbelle33

I think the older generation has it set in their minds how they gave birth, or what things were like when they had kids and that is all they really know. My mom keeps throwing out random facts and opinions from when my sister and I were born/babies and that was 30 and 25 years ago, times change.

I went for my maternity tour a few weeks ago and they said that the only reason they take the baby out of the room is if you specifically request them to be in the nursery, (to get some sound sleep I assume) otherwise the baby is with you until you get discharged.


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## nevernormal

Unfortunately there aren't standard policies across the U.S. and so a lot of hospitals or even entire areas can be behind. The area I live in is about 20 years behind when it comes to labor & birth. I did find out there is a hospital nearby with tubs to labor in but it's too complicated to change now especially as I've already discussed my birth plan in depth with my current OB, showed him that I've done real research, and he's okay with it. A lot of the stuff is out of the norm here and I don't even want to try to fight with another doctor. 

Anyway, one good thing about my particular hospital anyway, is they only take the baby from the room once, as long as everything is fine. The state requires that they take a picture so they take the baby to the nursery for that. The nurse that led our hospital tour said that after the birth, as long as everything is normal, they give you an hour alone with baby for skin-to-skin, try to initiate breastfeeding, etc. Then they come in and all the weighing and any other newborn procedures are done right there in the room. She told us that they encourage mothers to keep their babies in the room as they need to be prepared when they go home. Also, they strongly encourage breastfeeding. IF you request for your baby to be taken to the nursery, they will take it, but she said that's not very common.

I hate how behind my area seems to be but I'm so glad that they have a progressive policy regarding the nursery!


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