# Im desperate I Need advise from people who have a child with ASD or ADHD please



## michelleann

I have a 6 year old little boy who has never been "normal" or "right" from a very early age, im going to copy a snippet from our normal daily routine, could you tell me what you think:

Wed 3rd Nov 2010 

0630  0730
I woke to find Daniel playing his DS downstairs; I explained to Daniel we dont play the DS in the mornings because he has to get ready for school. He refused to give it to me, I gave him 2 warning and told him if I have to ask again I will put him on the naughty step for 6 mins, still refused, I took the DS off him, he started having a tantrum and threw magazines across the living room, we put him on the step for 6 mins. Tantrum continued but now he wanted breakfast, he calmed down and I did him ricecrispies which he ate, I asked him to get dressed which he did in his own time. 
Just before leaving the house he decided he was still hungry and wanted ice cream, I explained he couldnt have ice cream because ice cream was for after tea not breakfast this triggered another tantrum, I offered him an orange which he didnt want. On leaving the house he decided he did want an orange which he ate in the car, tantrum stopped by the time we got the childminders.

All this made me late for work.

1730  1930
I picked Daniel up from the childminders; he informed me that Daniel has been hiding soiled pants in the school toilets. When I asked Daniel why he replied I dont know I explained to Daniel that if he tells a teacher when he has an accident he wont get into trouble he said he knows as the teacher tells him that.

On the way home Daniel asked to play on his DS I said no because as he knows we dont have the DS during the week (it causes to many problems) this triggered a tantrum which continued till we got home, I warned him if he carried on having a tantrum he will have to go on the step for 6mins. He didnt stop so we went onto the step.

When going through his coat pocket I discovered that Daniel has taken another toy from a child at school, I have given up asking why he does it because he has two answers 

he doesnt know
because he doesnt have one of those
I have explained that this is wrong and naughty etc as he was already on the step I didnt punish him further for it.

Daniel then started watching cartoons till his tea was ready. 

Daniel sat down to eat his tea which was spaghetti hoops, Yorkshire pudding and curly fries. Daniel doesnt usually have curly fries so refused to eat them saying he didnt like them, we managed to convince him to eat one with a promise of custard afterwards he did but with a small tantrum. He then wanted his custard this caused a small tantrum because he didnt want the powder made custard (usually has the tinned custard) I said if he tried it but didnt like it he could have some ice cream instead, he tried it and liked it, but decided half way through that he wanted ice cream. I said no as he was eating the custard, this caused a huge tantrum we asked him to stop and warned him about the step.he did not stop so we sat him on the step he carried on having a tantrum and ended up sitting on the step for about 20 mins until enough was enough, I carried him upstairs. Undressed him and put him in the bath. He carried on having a tantrum, crying that he wanted icecream, after 20 mins in the bath the tantrum stopped and he played. At 1930 it was time to get out of the bath and get into bed, we had a small tantrum because he wanted to stay in the bath but soon came round when I reminded him if he doesnt get out of the bath he wont get his bedtime story.

He got into bed and I read him Lazy Jack again! I went downstairs and he was asleep with in 30 mins.


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## michelleann

He is on the Educational Special Needs Register and has an Individual Education Plan (IEP) he is currently in year 2 but is still on reception work level and showing no progress of catching up, his teacher said that his previous school (moved in March 10) wanted him to be assessed for ADHD. he behaviour has become 10 times worse over the past few months but could be because of several reasons
1. school work far to hard for him
2. moved 100miles away so moved schools etc
3. his diet it pretty poor
school have said unless he gets 1:1 he wont make progress and iv got an appointment with the SENCO next week to pressure them into doing something, becausei honestly cant handle days full of tanrums and tears anymore.

il post his diet habbits:


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## michelleann

*Food*

*Breakfast*
Rice crispies
Sometimes toast
Water

*Lunch*
Soft cheese sandwich
Plain crisps
Malted milk biscuits 
3 tube yogurts 
Water

*Tea*
Spaghetti hoops (has to be Heinz) 
Yorkshire puddings (up to 3)
Carrots 
Sometimes chips or potato smiley faces
Water 

*Fruit *
Oranges 
Sometimes apples or bananas

*Puddings *
Custard (tinned only)
Ice cream 

*Sweets *
Plain chocolate 


*Daily routines *

*Mornings (Daniel ,weekday)*
0630 &#8211; 0730
Get out of bed
Get dressed 
Brush teeth
Have breakfast

Get to childminders by 0730

*Evenings *
Pick Daniel up from child minders at around 1730
Look at Daniels behaviour book, check book bag and pockets for toys
Daniel can watch cartoons till teas ready
Tea around 1800
Read school book
Bath around 1830
Bed at 1900 &#8211; read bedtime book 

Weekend mornings are flexible Daniel will get out of bed when wakes, usually wakes me up when wanting breakfast, sometimes he will help himself to yogurts from the fridge which he knows is naughty. Daniel will watch cartoons or play out the front if weather is good.
Depending on Daniels behaviour we may go to the cinema etc over the weekend. The afternoons I will allow Daniel to play his DS or Wii for an hour or so.
The evening routine is the same as week days.


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## Newt

Not sure hun, I'm sorry x


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## michelleann

Daniels main problems
- Tantrums, anger
- limited diet
- soiling
- obsession with DS and Wii 
- Attention span very very limited
- doesnt listen 
- can not follow commands or instructions
- very behind at school
- behaviour problems at school
- stealing from childminders, school and home, things like toys, DS games, phones and food.
- hits children and generally mean to them (started recently)


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## MoonLove

I think the first thing to tackle is Daniel's obsession with his DS/Wii. I've seen many similar cases out and about of children on their DS's, being shouted at by their parents, and totally ignoring them. You are ultimatly in control of that DS, and you are able to take it away when neccasary and shouldnt be finding Daniel with it when he isn't allowed to.

I know that, when i was young (maybe around 10/11), i was extremely attached to the internet and although i was given a time limit on there (one which i would share with my sister) i grew almost obsessed with it. As i got older, i learned to spite my parents more and more about it, and their rules waivered - in the end (at about 13 years old) they just allowed me to buy my own laptop, which of course, was disasterous! Big mistake! I think children know when they are pushing the limits of their parents rules, if they want to play on the DS/Computer etc and they are able to get access to it, then they will! I pushed my parents rules more and more until they just didn't care, and in the end became unhealthily attached to the internet - they're only way of trying to control me was to turn off the internet router (which, at night, i'd creep downstairs to turn it back on).

I must be difficult for you, as you've mentioned having lots of problems with nursery and such, i think it is vital for you to lay down your rules to Daniel whilst he is still young, and disallow him to push your limits and take advantage - i think things like DS's, consoles and computers can be hard to compete with, as a parent :) 

The stealing thing you mentioned is also quite familiar to myself aswell - it started from a young age with me and it was something i did simply because i could, and as much as kids know something is wrong, sometimes they'll do it anyway! I once unwrapped my sisters birthday present (i was about 6), which was a toy cat which i had decided i wanted, and paraded round acting like it was mine, much to my parents dismay. I stole my best friends magnetic earrings because i hadn't got any, and thought they looked cool - it wasn't for attention and it wasn't because i was upset that i didn't have any myself - it was just because i felt as if they were there for the taking - in my own rulebook - what i wanted, i got! I was a naughty kid! :wacko:

I think it is good that you're tackling Daniels problem with soiling at nursery, its most likely upsetting for him, and the fact hes hiding them indicates that hes not doing it for any attention, and is embarrassed - its good that you're reassuring him that he is able to tell an adult without being shouted at - rather than biting his head off. I remember many incidants when i was very young, anything like this i'd be embarrassed or shy about, my mom would find out and go ballistic, and proceed to show me up in front of whoever was there - whether it be my dad, my friend, my sister it was humiliating - but you are staynig calm, and thats excellent :thumbup: I think this attitude will pay off in the long run, hopefully as Daniel gets older he will understand that he can turn to you and nursery workers if he ever needs help with anything like that, and he won't feel that he has to hide away.

I read over your posts several times, and thought i would try my best just to share what i made of what you'd said, i hope in some way, it can help, and i hope you are able to get the advice and support that you seek for your little boy :hugs: xx


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## michelleann

Hi gem, thank you for your reply, yes we are controlling his DS/Wii obsession by only allowing him to play it at a weekend, it was my own fault he managed to play it the other day as I forgot to hide it!! As for the stealing he is punished for it usually by losing his perks ie going out to play that afternoon. It's just frustrating when he has a tantrum about every tiny little thing, iv tried so many different ways and now resorting to the naughty step which is working very very slowly! 

Daniel knows the rules of the house and what is expected of him but finds it very difficult to follow them! 

His school are helping but have told me that Daniel will not progress unless he gets 1 on 1 teaching so now trying to fight for that! 

All I want/need is a child who is happy and content which unfortunately is not Daniel right now


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## LoraLoo

Ollie is 6 and year 2 and on an IEP though not really making any progress IMO.....and pretty much the same as how you describe your little boy, every day is a battle of wills, I also get the 'dont know' reply to most things and I have lost track of the things he has broken.

Am I right in thinking he has not had a diagnosis of ADHD? If so, I think thsts the first step, I started with the school nurse and it went from there. To get 1-1 they need to be statemented and I think that a diagnosis will definately help with that as Ollies head teacher told us we 'didn't have a cat in hells chance' :growlmad:...all I want is the best for my child, but he doesn't seem to be getting the support he needs.

I'm around here most days if you ever want to pm me :hugs: xxxxx


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## AimeeM

Sorry to hear what your going through, i can totally relate and it is a NIGHTMARE! It is a good sign that the naughty step is working. I could never ever get Kayden to sit on it!

I think the computer obsession is 100% normal, type it in you tube (ds tantrum or similar) some of the videos are really funny to watch. I think confiscating it all together is the only option for now.


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## Midnight_Fairy

Hi hun, I have no advise but you just described my son!! oh my god thats like my daily routine and what he eats to the tea! x


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## rubygirl01

Hey hun, 
My answer is long but I hope to try to help some. My son is ADHD and we knew at a very young age. My son was the master at temper fits and i can remember doubting my parenting skills. At my lowed point i really wondered if it was only to dislike your own child. I can remember that homework was "hell" sessions, just like i remember crying many nights wondering where i had gone wrong. Here is What we learned was this....

First...they need a positive reward system. It may seem silly, but start out small. When he uses his manners, or when he eats with out fussing, when he picks up his toys,when he gets dressed without being asked 3 time etc. He can earn time on his favorite thing. (DSI) It can be as simple as every 2 stars stickers earns him 5 minutes. This has to be a system he can see and that he can interact with. We used a chart where he got put stickers on it, and where he could count it to help him understand and feel like "he was in charge" so to speak. He got to see how far he has come and how much further he has to go. It really made him feel proud of what he did. 

Second, He has to have a solid routine, one that has "reminders" around the house. We used sticky notes in the bathroom that reminded him to brush his teeth, and flush the potty. We had one in his room by the light switch that showed him using pictures what he needed to do when he got up. For example a pic of his shirt and pants where there and he knew to get dressed. One on the fridge that reminder him about breakfast. We also always picked out clothes out the night before so they were ready. He got to choose between 2 shirts and 2 pants, mix any way he wants. We also NEVER did more then 2 steps at a time. One you have set a routine, it will get easier. Once he knows what is expected of him, he has a better chance of doing it. 

third, stick to the routine, always. If you visit another persons house or even if you need to go out of town, always keep to it. Also remember to let the teacher know what your routine is. Ask her what her routine is, so that you can also help to understand if he acts out. Also remember to look for signs for what is bothering him. There are triggers for what may set him off. My son had a problem with when i told him he had to do something, but if i said to him you have a choice, either do homework or not, but understand you will get in trouble at school and let him get in trouble. Explain to the teacher you need her support. 

If i can offer advice, time outs never worked for us. We had to be very creative. If he could not control himself the reward system is how we managed to get him to listen. If he is ADHD the idea to ask him to sit still for 6 minutes is not something he CAN do. He has no control over it. So you are asking something that is impossible. If you can remember to use the reward system it will work, redirect him when he starts to act out. Do no fall for the "temper fits" ignore him if possible. if he chooses to not eat what is in front of him, simply remove the plate and continue your meal. He will learn that if he is hungry in an hour and you stick to the routine, you will be able to tell him, "son, dinner was 30 minutes ago, and we are going to brush our teeth and get ready for bed, I am sorry but we do not have time for that". I can remember talking to one teacher that told me if he came to school with no shoes on because he refused to get ready on time, then she would support me and he would have to sit by the door until he did get them on. 

There is a great book to help with school issues, now i am in the states but it had some great ideas. "The ADHD parenting handbook" i dont remember the author but it was amazing. We also used the book "Making your children mind with out losing yours" Both were priceless. My son is now 12 and we have tried a number of different meds and none worked so we taught him coping skills. My son is behind in school BUT only by a few months, and is catching up. My son was also to have found that if he is out of his routine he has a hard time coping. We have also learned he is OCD and has a sensory processing disorder that effects how he deals with his ADHD. My son also is a loner, he has no social skill at all. We do not do sports because they were not productive for him, the constant stress of the skill he could not master made it worse. Your child may need a sport. You will have to try and see what works best with him. If you can join a support group, online or in real life. Other parents have a wealth of knowlege that is very helpful. Also remember you can do it, no matter what the days ahead bring you can do it.


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## michelleann

Thank you very much rubygirl, most of the things you Dias we already do bit have slipped the last few weeks... It just shows me how reliant he actually is on routines etc I think il start putting coloured pictures around the house to remind him what is expected of him...that's a great idea :) x


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## velvetina

Hi hun, I don't have a lot add/adhd knowledge but I had a relative with such extreme adhd he was in a special school for his behaviour and also so they could monitor his diet during the week because it was having such an impact on his behaviour. I have mentioned it once before here, but one weekend dad took him out, didn't think let him have mcdonalds and that night he started a fire at the school. He is now a young adult and doing really well as a professional chef (of all things) but life was extremely hard for his family. As Rubygirl's excellent post showed there is so much more to dealing with behaviour and he is still so young. Have you asked for any outside support or referral with a view to having him assessed at school? I know from experience this can be lengthy and I chose to bypass it and went for a direct referral (which you can do through your gp) instead which for us was much quicker. 

He obviously has a lot going on by the different behaviours he is exhibiting and bless him that's a lot for such a young one to deal with. I found by reading articles/books from people with asd (which is what my son has) who were able to articulate how they were feeling and what was really happening to them (whereas my son couldn't) it gave me good insight into a lot of his behaviours and why he was doing certain things. 

You sound like a wonderful caring and patient mum. x


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## Xaviersmom

rubygirl01 said:


> Hey hun,
> My answer is long but I hope to try to help some. My son is ADHD and we knew at a very young age. My son was the master at temper fits and i can remember doubting my parenting skills. At my lowed point i really wondered if it was only to dislike your own child. I can remember that homework was "hell" sessions, just like i remember crying many nights wondering where i had gone wrong. Here is What we learned was this....
> 
> First...they need a positive reward system. It may seem silly, but start out small. When he uses his manners, or when he eats with out fussing, when he picks up his toys,when he gets dressed without being asked 3 time etc. He can earn time on his favorite thing. (DSI) It can be as simple as every 2 stars stickers earns him 5 minutes. This has to be a system he can see and that he can interact with. We used a chart where he got put stickers on it, and where he could count it to help him understand and feel like "he was in charge" so to speak. He got to see how far he has come and how much further he has to go. It really made him feel proud of what he did.
> 
> Second, He has to have a solid routine, one that has "reminders" around the house. We used sticky notes in the bathroom that reminded him to brush his teeth, and flush the potty. We had one in his room by the light switch that showed him using pictures what he needed to do when he got up. For example a pic of his shirt and pants where there and he knew to get dressed. One on the fridge that reminder him about breakfast. We also always picked out clothes out the night before so they were ready. He got to choose between 2 shirts and 2 pants, mix any way he wants. We also NEVER did more then 2 steps at a time. One you have set a routine, it will get easier. Once he knows what is expected of him, he has a better chance of doing it.
> 
> third, stick to the routine, always. If you visit another persons house or even if you need to go out of town, always keep to it. Also remember to let the teacher know what your routine is. Ask her what her routine is, so that you can also help to understand if he acts out. Also remember to look for signs for what is bothering him. There are triggers for what may set him off. My son had a problem with when i told him he had to do something, but if i said to him you have a choice, either do homework or not, but understand you will get in trouble at school and let him get in trouble. Explain to the teacher you need her support.
> 
> If i can offer advice, time outs never worked for us. We had to be very creative. If he could not control himself the reward system is how we managed to get him to listen. If he is ADHD the idea to ask him to sit still for 6 minutes is not something he CAN do. He has no control over it. So you are asking something that is impossible. If you can remember to use the reward system it will work, redirect him when he starts to act out. Do no fall for the "temper fits" ignore him if possible. if he chooses to not eat what is in front of him, simply remove the plate and continue your meal. He will learn that if he is hungry in an hour and you stick to the routine, you will be able to tell him, "son, dinner was 30 minutes ago, and we are going to brush our teeth and get ready for bed, I am sorry but we do not have time for that". I can remember talking to one teacher that told me if he came to school with no shoes on because he refused to get ready on time, then she would support me and he would have to sit by the door until he did get them on.
> 
> There is a great book to help with school issues, now i am in the states but it had some great ideas. "The ADHD parenting handbook" i dont remember the author but it was amazing. We also used the book "Making your children mind with out losing yours" Both were priceless. My son is now 12 and we have tried a number of different meds and none worked so we taught him coping skills. My son is behind in school BUT only by a few months, and is catching up. My son was also to have found that if he is out of his routine he has a hard time coping. We have also learned he is OCD and has a sensory processing disorder that effects how he deals with his ADHD. My son also is a loner, he has no social skill at all. We do not do sports because they were not productive for him, the constant stress of the skill he could not master made it worse. Your child may need a sport. You will have to try and see what works best with him. If you can join a support group, online or in real life. Other parents have a wealth of knowlege that is very helpful. Also remember you can do it, no matter what the days ahead bring you can do it.

Exactly! My DS is 12 and he is ASD/ADHD. He has meds for school day forthe ADHD and the other stuff we work through with his IEP. We have a "morning list" It is how we get everything done in a timely manner before school. My son has a DS and I am pretty liberal with it as long as other things are accomplished first.

Morning list:
**Allowed out of bed at 6**
1. Feed cat
2. Take meds
3. Get breakfast
**TV allowed now**
4. Get dressed
5. Pack school bag (home work/snack)
6. Brush teeth
7. Leave house at 7:30
**DS allowed now**
He HAS to watch 3 cartoons every morning before we leave for school. Changes his clothing and gets ready on commercial breaks. DS is usually during the 20 minute car ride to school. He knows full well that failure to follow the list means he can't play his DS on the way to school.

Changes in his routine are really hard and he tends to argue a lot. We are working on that. At school he has a point sheet he has teachers sign off on and earn rewards in school. We re-evaluate it every so often and add/remove things. We recently added a few more expectations and made things a little more challenging because he was really rising to the occasion.

You said you somewhat recently moved.. thats huge. New schools and new people. Think black and white in your expectations of him. Lay out exact rules and consequences/rewards. It's amazing how well this works.


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## kelzyboo

Since he loves his DS so much, can you use this as an incentive for good behaviour at school?

I tried this with my little girl when she was in the middle of her DS obsession, i told her she could play on her DS when she came home from school providing she'd had a "good day". Of course this approach failed miserably for me and she went without it for a long time as she has ASD (Autistic spectrum disorder) and does not always respond to incentives but maybe its worth a try with your son?

Could try it with other things he likes, use them as incentives, bad thing is it's so hard to enforce when they're having a meltdown because they can't have it!!

My little girl's obsession is now "messy play", painting and anything messy! Her 1-1 at school uses messy play as a treat for good behaviour, she doesn't get it when shes not good, doesnt always work as i said shes not always responsive to it but i can say the behaviour has got a lot better than it was before.

May not be the right approach for you but maybe worth a try, hope it all goes well for you xx


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## AimeeM

Xaviersmom said:


> rubygirl01 said:
> 
> 
> Hey hun,
> My answer is long but I hope to try to help some. My son is ADHD and we knew at a very young age. My son was the master at temper fits and i can remember doubting my parenting skills. At my lowed point i really wondered if it was only to dislike your own child. I can remember that homework was "hell" sessions, just like i remember crying many nights wondering where i had gone wrong. Here is What we learned was this....
> 
> First...they need a positive reward system. It may seem silly, but start out small. When he uses his manners, or when he eats with out fussing, when he picks up his toys,when he gets dressed without being asked 3 time etc. He can earn time on his favorite thing. (DSI) It can be as simple as every 2 stars stickers earns him 5 minutes. This has to be a system he can see and that he can interact with. We used a chart where he got put stickers on it, and where he could count it to help him understand and feel like "he was in charge" so to speak. He got to see how far he has come and how much further he has to go. It really made him feel proud of what he did.
> 
> Second, He has to have a solid routine, one that has "reminders" around the house. We used sticky notes in the bathroom that reminded him to brush his teeth, and flush the potty. We had one in his room by the light switch that showed him using pictures what he needed to do when he got up. For example a pic of his shirt and pants where there and he knew to get dressed. One on the fridge that reminder him about breakfast. We also always picked out clothes out the night before so they were ready. He got to choose between 2 shirts and 2 pants, mix any way he wants. We also NEVER did more then 2 steps at a time. One you have set a routine, it will get easier. Once he knows what is expected of him, he has a better chance of doing it.
> 
> third, stick to the routine, always. If you visit another persons house or even if you need to go out of town, always keep to it. Also remember to let the teacher know what your routine is. Ask her what her routine is, so that you can also help to understand if he acts out. Also remember to look for signs for what is bothering him. There are triggers for what may set him off. My son had a problem with when i told him he had to do something, but if i said to him you have a choice, either do homework or not, but understand you will get in trouble at school and let him get in trouble. Explain to the teacher you need her support.
> 
> If i can offer advice, time outs never worked for us. We had to be very creative. If he could not control himself the reward system is how we managed to get him to listen. If he is ADHD the idea to ask him to sit still for 6 minutes is not something he CAN do. He has no control over it. So you are asking something that is impossible. If you can remember to use the reward system it will work, redirect him when he starts to act out. Do no fall for the "temper fits" ignore him if possible. if he chooses to not eat what is in front of him, simply remove the plate and continue your meal. He will learn that if he is hungry in an hour and you stick to the routine, you will be able to tell him, "son, dinner was 30 minutes ago, and we are going to brush our teeth and get ready for bed, I am sorry but we do not have time for that". I can remember talking to one teacher that told me if he came to school with no shoes on because he refused to get ready on time, then she would support me and he would have to sit by the door until he did get them on.
> 
> There is a great book to help with school issues, now i am in the states but it had some great ideas. "The ADHD parenting handbook" i dont remember the author but it was amazing. We also used the book "Making your children mind with out losing yours" Both were priceless. My son is now 12 and we have tried a number of different meds and none worked so we taught him coping skills. My son is behind in school BUT only by a few months, and is catching up. My son was also to have found that if he is out of his routine he has a hard time coping. We have also learned he is OCD and has a sensory processing disorder that effects how he deals with his ADHD. My son also is a loner, he has no social skill at all. We do not do sports because they were not productive for him, the constant stress of the skill he could not master made it worse. Your child may need a sport. You will have to try and see what works best with him. If you can join a support group, online or in real life. Other parents have a wealth of knowlege that is very helpful. Also remember you can do it, no matter what the days ahead bring you can do it.
> 
> Exactly! My DS is 12 and he is ASD/ADHD. He has meds for school day forthe ADHD and the other stuff we work through with his IEP. We have a "morning list" It is how we get everything done in a timely manner before school. My son has a DS and I am pretty liberal with it as long as other things are accomplished first.
> 
> Morning list:
> **Allowed out of bed at 6**
> 1. Feed cat
> 2. Take meds
> 3. Get breakfast
> **TV allowed now**
> 4. Get dressed
> 5. Pack school bag (home work/snack)
> 6. Brush teeth
> 7. Leave house at 7:30
> **DS allowed now**
> He HAS to watch 3 cartoons every morning before we leave for school. Changes his clothing and gets ready on commercial breaks. DS is usually during the 20 minute car ride to school. He knows full well that failure to follow the list means he can't play his DS on the way to school.
> 
> Changes in his routine are really hard and he tends to argue a lot. We are working on that. At school he has a point sheet he has teachers sign off on and earn rewards in school. We re-evaluate it every so often and add/remove things. We recently added a few more expectations and made things a little more challenging because he was really rising to the occasion.
> 
> You said you somewhat recently moved.. thats huge. New schools and new people. Think black and white in your expectations of him. Lay out exact rules and consequences/rewards. It's amazing how well this works.Click to expand...

Can i just ask, before the meds, would the incentives work?


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## Xaviersmom

No. His ADHD was such that, he couldn't bring himself to focus or concentrate long enough to realize what he was doing. Think Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde.

We have been doing the incentives since he was about 6. started out real small and worked our way up. 

He will flat out tell anyone who asks that he physically/mentally handles classes better when his meds are in his system. When he is with his father, he gets them later and they don't kick in until after school starts. On these days DS elects to sit away from his peers because he KNOWS he can't handle things properly. He has anxiety as well.. but like the ASD, we treat that with behavior modification techniquies.. The ADHD meds are super important for him tho.


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## leanne4stars

i have 2 sons with ADHD one at 13yrs on meds at secondary school and a 7 yr old at primary school without meds but not for long.

first i will say rubygirl was spot on. 

now for our life 

time out or naughty step never worked for us either as it was really asking the impossible. rewards and praise work for us.

instructions jobs daily routine need describing short and sweet straight to the point.

'get ready for school' was a nightmare we have to have a list. breakfast. shower. brush teeth. uniform on. socks on. and this still has to be repeated over and over.

sticky notes around the house help.

both boys are behind at school. 'they have the ability but not the concentration' this is also the same in there swimming lessons.

meds help my eldest as he really struggles with his concentration and his impulsiveness. although i have to admit he is currently on a 5 day exclusion :(

we are currently in talks with the paediatrician about puttingmy 7yr old on meds as he is now at the age where he is having to 'learn' upto certain levels and his concentration is limited.

both boys have no 'permanent friends' i like to call them social butterflies they both swap and change friends on a daily basis due to fall outs. neither can read others emotions so will often push it too far without realising, thinking they are having a joke/mess around.

both have no fear/sense of danger and don't think before donig anything although meds help my eldest with that.

anyway this is just a snippet i pop online most days so feel free to ask me any questions/thought/queries.


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## leanne4stars

not sure if this is anywhere near you but these have been BRILLIANT in helping and supporting me and my children https://sb2.tradingforchange.org.uk/


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## Teach123

I am a SENCO and I think you should definitely meet with your school sENCO to discuss the issues you are experiencing. It is good that your LO has an IEP as this will break down specific targets for them to work towards but as the behaviour is obviously causing problems and you say that your LO is behind in school then they need to be referred by the school to see either an Educational Psychologist or other suitable professional such as a specific learning difficulties base (dyslexia) They will then assess your child and write a detailed report about things they can do well, and areas they have difficulty. Without reports or referrals from professionals you will not be able to apply for a statement. Statements are very hard to get these days as they are only given out to what local authorities deem to be the most needy children (about 3% of school aged children) and even then a statement cannot definitely secure 1:1 support for your child. As a parent you can also contact your local authority to request statutory assessment and they will then contact the school to ask for evidence regarding your child. A decision will be made as to whether your child can meet the criteria. In my area we also have a thing called exceptional needs funding which provides specific funding for children for a fixed period of time but this is something the school will need to request. Perhaps you could find out if your local area has something similar.

ALternatively, take your child to the doctors expressing your concerns and ask for a referral to be made to a paediatrician as they also carry out detailed assessments and can diagnose things such as ADHD and Autism. 

I hope this helps. Feel free to pm me if you want more information


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## Moleie

I work at a school for children with a range of social skills disabilities, ADHD is often the most channlenging particularly when mixing children with ADHD with children with autism

It's difficult and I think different things will work with different childen, when I've worked with children with ADHD I've always been taught the importance of "I" messages. IE not telling them how awful what they're doing is, but asking them how they think it makes you and others feel, and if they think this is a good or bad thing.

Also I've aways been taught that small rewards work better than punishments, but rewards need to be earnt, and there needs to be clear visal signs of how they can earn the rewards, experiment with differnt thing. Like stickers or a star chart that can be carried around. If a certain task is completed, or a behaviour standard is met by a certain time they get a sticker, if they have however many stickers by the end of a period they get there reward.

Also keepiong them focused with competition, if you need them to go somewhere race there, if you need the to do something who can do it first, that kind of thing.

I can't say these things always succesful, or that they last indefinatly, but i think its worth a try, good luck!


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## NaturalMomma

I only read the first page so pardon me if I repeate anything.

I have a 3 year old with ADHD. He throws tantrums for no reason sometimes and they are a whopper of a tantrum. He is a lot like your son, but not as much, probably because he's younger. 

What helps us is having an all organic diet. Artificial foods seem to make his ADHD flare. Also being in programs helps too. We do Awana, martial arts, library day, and this summer for his birthday he'll be taking guitar lessons. These are things he's interested in, and if your son has interests like sports or music you should get him into some programs. Also, the martial arts is a program specifically for ADHD children, so maybe you could see if you have one near you. It has helped a lot. He can be more focused and does tantrums a lot less. He has also been listening better too. For awhile there he was VERY out of control, it was pretty unbelievable, but I knew it wasn't something he enjoyed doing because he'd get very upset.


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