# Kids with big age gap



## supernurse

Hey, just wondering if there's anyone that have a couple of children with big age gaps and how the older one dealth with having a new brother or sister.

My daughter will be 8 when her sister is born and although she is very excited about it, not sure what she'll actually be like when the baby comes. 
Also I find myself getting upset at times because it's been just her and we give her everything (not spoilt though) I mean love and attention, she's still my baby. 

Thanks xx


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## fifi83

I feel the same towards my little boy who is 6 i love him so much, he is excited for the new baby too, but dont no how he will be when baby comes, the way im going to try and deal with it is invole him as much as i can with the baby i.e when vistor come make it special that he shows them the baby and talk about the baby helps with feed, bath time ect.

I do think in the long run it will be good for our children to have a brother or sister. Ive been upset a few times myself. :hugs:


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## anita665

My LO will have a half sister who is 8. She seems to be looking forward to it.

I think at that age it's great because they're old enough to understand whats going on and not get jealous like a toddler would. They can be more involved so they don't feel left out.


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## Jo

Emily was 7 when i had Jack, I had all the feelings, would she be jeleous etc...
But she was brilliant, a great little helper and loves him to bits, she was/is also old enough to understand that they need that little bit more attention, i have to admit she was left to her own devices sometimes but i tried to split my time and attention equally even though it is hard at times

It is only now that he is 2 that the novelty has worn off and she finds him a bit of a pest at times, but i think that happens with all siblings really


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## Samo

My DH is 21 and his youngest brother is 8! DH is GREAT with kids though, loves babies, maybe even more than me! He has a lot of experience taking care of little ones since he is the eldest of 4. 

I gotta say though, his little brother "never acted his age" since I've known them (met DH when his brother was 4), since he had so many older siblings he hung around with. I remember when he was 5 he would say he was age 17...


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## Bambi

I'm going to have a 12 year age gap. 

My son seems to be excited at the prospect of being a big brother at the moment I just hope he's as excited when this little one is here


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## Ellianna

There's a 26 and a half year age gap between my eldest brother and my youngest sister.
I wouldn't worry hun, I'm sure it'll be fine 
:hugs:
xx


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## supernurse

I think I'm just being silly, I know that Rachel will love her new sister to bits and she will be a great help.

I just never thought that I would have another one after her.

x


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## Tam

Jade was 8 when Alfie was born.

During the pregnancy she was really excited about having a brother, and kept on about it all the time. Then the day I had him, apparently my sister told me she was very nervous about coming up the hospital to meet him and see me and Paul. So my sister took her out so she could buy us (mummy & Daddy) a gift from her and a card, which took her mind of things and gave her something to focus on, (we never knew any of this at the time).

She very cautiously walked into the room and came and gave me a cuddle and I encouraged her to go and look at Alfie (I think she was a bit shy too) so she did, and tbh none of us have looked back since.

I was the same as you, I felt so sorry for Jade being so much older and thought she would feel left out, so I made a conscious effort to involve her in everything from the start, which included an imediate hold of Alfie to have a cuddle. 

There was the initial bit of feeling left out when he was very young, but we just explained that at this age he needed everything doing for him as he is so small, but it wouldn't always be like that. We also made sure she was never left out, so I think that was more about her adjusting to having a sibling and not having 100% attention to herself.

We bought Jade a little present and said that was from Alfie, who is so happy that you are his big sister......that went down very well.

I also promised her that we would go out on a saturday or at times for a coffee on our own (without Alfie) so we could still have 'our' time together.

She has loved every minute of it, she even wants us to have a little girl now. So I really think your LO will be great hun, I truely was worried, but she absolutely dotes on Alfie, and he gets all excited when she comes home from school or when he sees her first thing in the morning.

At the moment, they both spend a lot of time crawling about on the floor racing, which is ace as it has Alfie in hysterics and it is keeping her busy and is all good for their relationship.

I am sure you will have as much enjoyment watching your kiddies together, as will your daughter having a sibling around. x


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## Amanda

Kayleigh's 15 in 7 weeks, and Charlie's 18 months, so I think you can call that a rather big age gap!!:rofl:

She is brilliant with Charlie - a proper little mum. She's always wanted a little brother, but I was worried the novelty would have worn off my now, but it's not. In fact, he's sitting on her knee on the other sofa at the minute reading a book!:happydance:


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## darkheaven77

my oldest whos 13 loved my twins there 4 now so she was 9 she was like a second mum to them and now in on my 5th well there will be a huge age gap but there all looking forward to helping me out lol it seems to fall into place so dont worry hun


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## Rachiebaby24

When my mum had my little brother, my older brother was 14, I was 12 and my sister was 10....my mum was worried how we would handle sharing her even more (she is a single parent) but we all settled together fine and we all have such a close bond with my little brother.... we were very involved from the start and my mum made sure we felt included at the fun things like bathing and feeding!! Friends and family were also told to "make fuss of the older brothers and sisters" so we didnt feel left out at all the attention the baby was getting!! we all got Congratulations You are a Big Brother/Sister cards from friends and family which was nice when everyone came to see the baby with cards and presents! Little things to make her feel included will be great and also you and her time when the baby is asleep...even painting each others nails is great if your tired!! dont worry....every thing will be fine....!!!


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## cheeky_carrie

Mine are 12 , 7 and 11 weeks :headspin:

When I had my 2nd child I was nervous about the 5yr gap but it was fine he was unsure for a few days just because he was so small but after that I was having to tell him to stop hugging and kissing him too much :dohh:


Have to say this time its I worried more coz its a different Dad (even though they both call my OH Dad now) and because the gaps bigger and Ive forgotten everything, but I think I shouldnt hav worried they both wanted a sister and luckily it was and they are brilliant with her. :happydance: My 7 year old was a bit off with her when she 1st came home and I thought oh noooooo, but the next day I was washing up and came back through to find him reading her a story holding her hand and I knew then everything was ok :wohoo:and my 12 year old is an absoulte star helps me out so much its great


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## Supamum

I have a six year age difference with my kids. Like Tam I made sure my daughter was included from the beginning, she even went to a few scans with us. She helped pick clothes and stuff and was excited from the off set. She did get a bit weepy while I was in hospital but I think she was a bit worried about mummy coz I had a c-section and wasn't mobile on her first visit.

Its been 7 1/2 months since her brother's been born and they get on like a house on fire, they play and laugh together all the time :hugs:!

I haven't noticed any jealousy to be honest thank God. My advice would be to make sure you spend some one to one time with both of them and you'll do fine.

Good luck hun :hug:


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## Sparky0207

Ive got a slightly different take on this as I was the elder sibling! Im now 21 and have a 5 year old sister (with no one in between).

I must admit, I was incredibly jealous when I first found out my mum was pregnant - I had been so used to having all my mums attention and thought that I would feel left out after the babys arrival. Mum was great as usual though and made sure that I was involved as much as I could be with the pregnancy and also the baby when she arrived. In fact, I think my stepdad felt a bit left out to start with!!!

I think as long as you involve the other children and make sure they know they wont be forgotten then it should all go well. Mum always made time to do things just me and her it really helped. It seems silly now that I was jealous of my mum having another baby, I cant imagine life without my sister but I was an only child for 16 years! 

The only thing mum didnt like was when people went up to her and asked to see her grandchild :rofl: the look of embarrassment on peoples faces when mum told them we were both hers was classic!!


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## taperjeangirl

My daughter will be nearly 13 when this baby is born. At first she was quite happy about me being pregnant, but she soon changed when she went away and thought about how much it will change our lives.
The thing that worried her most was having to share her bedroom (something she wont have to do!)
I wont give you details fo how nasty mouthed she was when she threw a major strop one day as that will just worry you more! 
I thought she would have been more interested in the pregnancy but she just hasn't been and I wont force her to be. We have included her in everything so far and she will be there with us for the 4D scan.

To be honest she's a bit spoilt and always has been, by both our families and she probably thinks that will change when there is another child involved.

I personally wish I hadn't left it this long to have another, but our LO is on the way now! I just pray that my daughter will accept the baby when it finally arrives ](*,)


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## butterflies

I hope this offers a little help....

My family is a little complex so i'll try and explain it as best as i can, my eldest brothers we're 13 & 16 when my brother was born and then 3 years later i popped into the world so they we're 16 & 19. 
The 16 year old loved us from day 1 aparently and always was close to us growing up (sadly he is no longer with us) but if he was i'm sure it would still be the same now.
The 19 year old, has never liked small babies and kids, but he did love us and still does, he is more than just my big brother now though he is a good friend, and although he lives a 2.5hr drive away and has done since i was 2, he see him lots and are always making time for each other.

My brothers are great and i love them dearly, just as much as i would if they we're similar in age to me, but our bond is great and i know they love their little sister.

Hope everything works out for you, as i'm sure it will :hug:


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## Linzi

Well theres a 14 year age gap between me and my little brother.

When I first found out my mum was pregnant I was really gutted,I didn't tell anyone though. My other brother (who has a 12 yr age gap with Nathan) went off in a right huff when they told him and it took him a long while to calm down about it. 

However the first time we saw Nathan my heart absolutely melted... Simon (me other brother) and I have a really good bond with Nathan now.. we're both at the stage where we can take him out and spoil him. I think I'm more lik an 'auntie' to him than a sister. I wouldn't change our relationship for the world! I love him to bits!

I just think from a childs point of view you think that everything is going to change and your parents will push you out and stuff but when they actually realise thats not going to happen they come round.

From a parents point of view I don't know but I can understand how difficult it must be.

xxx


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## Lisa1984

My brothers are 13 & 16 years older than me - we're great friends!


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## Mummy2Many

My eldest girls are 8, and they are thrilled about having a new addition - as they are every time! They are wonderful big sisters and get involved in helping out- they always have done, but now they are old enough to help properly, and they love to do it.

But 8 years is nothing - my mum gave birth to my baby sister 3 months ago! I'm almost 23; and have an older brother who's 27.. so that's 27 years between the youngest and the oldest LOL, and 13 years between the 2 youngest!


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## supernurse

God, I totally forgot I started this thread. 
Well, since starting it I definately feel a lot more positive about how things are gonna work out. 
My DD is excited about meeting her new sister, we've even decided to have her come to the birth. I think deep down it's not how she's gonna be that I've been worried about rather than how I'm gonna be and I know that I have to try and keep the relationship that I have with her as strong as it is. I've always found it hard to contemplate having to share the 110% love and attention with another child, but now I know that it's not about having to share it but creating new love and attention for our new addition.


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## shimmyshimmy

Well I had 2nd just before 1st born turned 2, and I felt really sad that she would be sharing me. But in time I realised that the benefits from having a sibling far outweigh the negatives of them sharing attention. If anything it is another stage in thier learning.
I am now trying for my 3rd and I do worry that the age gap of 6-7 years depending on when I finally fall pregnant will effect my first born. She is particularly sensitive, 2nd born, well he is a typical boy and takes everything in his stride. He is very laid back.
I think it all depends on the childs personality.xxx


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## JeansMommy

My son is almost going to be 8 when we bring this LO home. My daughter will be almost 4-1/2 years old. I worry about the relationship in the future, especially between my son and my new daughter because it seems like such a huge gap. My DH and his brother have a 9-year gap, and their relationship (though pleasant) is more of a father/son type of relationship where they only really talk when his brother needs advice.


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## spoo

Hi there, I know exactly what you mean. My son is 7 now and we are trying now for baby #2. We've always wanted another baby but have delayed it for various reasons, mainly money and health. 

My main concern is will I be able to share the love properly? Our son has had our undivided attention since he was born and although not spoilt, hasn't needed to want for anything. I'm not worried about how he'll react to a sibling, I know he'll adore him / her. Hes already suggesting names!

My mum once told me that you will still love your firstborn but the amount of love increases. I don't think its possible to experience this until it actually happens!

So fingers crossed xxxx


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## enigma

Its true, your love for one child doesent drop because you have another, you develope more love so you have more to give.
The best way to go about it is, when you do get pregnant, involve him in it as much as you can, take him to the scans, tell him everything you are experienceing (with a few execptions of course), let him feel the baby moving around inside you, then just carry this on when baby arrives, let him help with the nappys changes and bathing, he will love being given these jobs to do to help you with his his little bro/sis.


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## kdrah132

When My wife and I had Alyssa, our older daughter was at first happy, but became very jealous of her new sister. She was so used to getting all of the attention and she really did not know what to do. We tried to include her in so many things but still felt she was not the centre of attention.


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## enigma

I had a similar problem with my eldest boy when i had my youngest, he wouldent look at him in the hospital and when we came home he played up for weeks.
He used to pick on the baby, but one day after a bad night, i nodded off on the couch leaving the kids watching tv, i woke up not long after though to the baby crying, when i opened my eyes the baby looked like a snowman, my elder son had coverd him from top to toe in washing powder.
I of course flipped at him for doing it and he spent the day in bed, while i took the baby to hospital, luckly he was fine, just needed his eyes cleaning and checking.
A couple of days later the baby was fine, but my other son seemed to see things from a different point of view, he was very worried about his brother. 
They have been best mates since.

A bit of topic, but you post reminded me.


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## Djm

I have 3 daughters. The eldest is 19, then 13 and 10. The most difficulty we had was with the eldest because her world changed and she was no longer the center of everything. The younger two idolize her since she is older and cooler. I've always said if I could do it again I'd have them closer. Now having said that I have found myself in the position of being pregnant with our son. He is due in September. They are excited but it shall prove to be interesting.


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## spoo

Thanks for your interesting responses - our son says hes excited and can't wait to help out but at the same time hes used to being the centre of attention as an only child. 

I think only time will tell how he will react to a baby brother or sister. Maybe involving him during the pregnancy will help. He already has 3 younger cousins, whom he adores and will do anything for, so maybe thats already a good sign!


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## ls27

.


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## Younglutonmum

I was 11 when my mum had my little brother & it was great!! I was old enough to really help out especially as his dad pissed off & my mum had Post Natel Depression for a very very long time.

I'm 20 years old now & Lewis is 9. We have a great relationship, I totally adore him & hope he adores me!! I spend alot of time with him & we always have fun. It's nice being able to help my mum with his childcare as well. She works nights currently but is hoping to switch to days soon & i'll be caring for him during school holidays as i'll be off from college!!

I love our age gap :)


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## HeidiPie

Hi !

Just joined to answer your post - My first daughter is seven now and I was a single parent for most of it, we were very close. With a new partner we now have a baby of three months.

It was hard because you have loved that one little girl so much for so long and I almost feel guilty loving the new one as much! And of course all the sleepless nights take there toll and it ends up you have less time for the older one. And baby gets all the attention when your out and about......

But on the bright side - of course they LOVE having a new baby and seeing all the things they do, she wouldn't change it for the world and even when I try to arrange some one on one time for me and the eldest she always begs that the baby comes along. Or I think Ill pick her up on my own so we can chat and she'll beg the baby comes too.

Now the baby sleeps better in the evening from 7pm it gives me that window of time to just relax a little (not always with so much to do) before bed to read etc. Tonight she seemed really tense so I gave a a back massage with lavendar and it was a really special time just to remember to nurture her too and show my love is still there.

Its not easy but of course 100% worth it - xx


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## puddingqueen

My daughter is 16 in two days, our new baby is due 2nd August. 

16 year age gap for mine. 

x


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## NotSoWorried

There's 10years and 7months between me and my oldest brother.

I hate it! I find it awkward to talk to him because I'm short for words what to say. He started staying out all the time like a normal 16-17-18year old would, so grown up without him around.

I prefer the 4years 11months difference between me and the other brother :)


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## DonnaE26

Hi i have a daughter who is 11 and im expecting my 4th she was pleased when we told her and she is really good with her other sister and brother (well when they aren't arguing of course) lol


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## leeanne

This was an old post from January 2008. She's had her baby already :)


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## tasha41

My boyfriend is wow.. 9 years older than his youngest brother!! They get along well enough, obviously a bit of fighting, but being so far apart in age they really haven't got THAT much to fight about, only when my boyfriend gets upset with his brother for being immature/silly and being 12 sometimes.


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## Michelle100

My daughter Sam is 14 and Benjamin is 6 weeks. I was horribly worried that Sam would be distant and a tad jealous because Sam is adopted and Benjamin is biological. I tried to include her in every preparation, like nursery decorating, asking her opinion on diiferent things we purchased and spending extra time with her once Benjamin came, which was difficult at times because we all know how much time an infant takes up in our daily routines. Ben is 6 weeks and sam adores him, but she is a quite kid anyway and you never know what goes on in that head of hers. We just do as much as we can and hope for the best.


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## starting over

My son is going to be 13 in a couple of weeks and my second child is due about early November! Now your gap doesn't seem so big does it? LOL!
Its funny, my oldest keeps sharing numeric facts such as "Mommy, when Im 20 the baby will be 7"! 
But when I look at it, I kind of like that my children will have such individual attention according to the different developmental stages they face and the type of maternal support they will need from me. Good luck!!!


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## lovingmum

My son is 12 years old and my other is 4 years old and they love each other so much and my 12 year old has so much time for my little one its so nice to see .


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## belle254

I'm 21 and my little brother is 7 (he's a full brother, not half) and our sister is 19. I was 14 when he was born and apart from the initial year when I was going through a typical teenage rebellious stage, i've looked upon him in a more caring, motherly role than a sisterly role. Our mum went back to work when he was 1 so needed help with childcare, which i did when i wasn't at college. As he gets older we argue more, mainly about discipline and what he's not allowed to do ('BUT ITS NOT FAIRRRR!') but he's still very affectionate and we're close :)
My sister and my brother, however, was a different story. She was 12 when he was born and a proper angel, and the 4 years following his birth she completely rebelled and didn't really have much to do with him. She emotionally distanced herself, and only recently (age 18-19) has started to spend more time with him and not get annoyed with him all the time!
But our situation is quite different, im sure you'll be fine :)
Will be interesting to see how my brother reacts to my own child, whos due in the next 6 weeks! there'll be 7 1/2 years between them x


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## AimeeM

My son was 7 when my two year old was born. He was great when he was a baby but now he gets jealous and they fight quite a bit. That's two boys though. Girl/boy girl/ girl combo might be different plus I suppose it depends on the personality.

Oops just seen thread is super old!


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