# Not coping...



## Drazic<3

Hey girls,

Sorry for the pathetic emo rant, just need to get it out somewhere. 

I can't do this. I am so scared all the time, checking, crying, analysing every little pain. Yesterday I felt sick as a dog all day - today, nothing. I know it's over. It has to be. Yet, I can't deal with it. Losing Edan broke me, even though I was only 10 weeks. I can't do it again. I would be a good Mum, I would do everything I could anyway. All I see is babies. I should be around 20 weeks and I can't stop grieving and I can't muster any hope and I feel so guilty because this little baby inside me deserves more, however long it's time on this planet is.

I just wish I could be happy. I just wish I could believe that I will ever be a Mummy.

:cry:


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## lozzy21

You will be a mummy and as every week goes by you get closer and closer to having baby in your arms. :hugs:


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## Beadette

Ah hunny! I'm sending you hugs! Be brave - your bean needs you! Lots and lots of love x x x x x x


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## Iris

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## debgreasby

Huge hugs babe... not long till your next scan, all will be fine xxx


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## Drazic<3

Thanks girls, huge :hugs: Iris, really hoping this is your sticky bean darling :hugs:

I am just scared...and this might sound stupid, that this baby knows I miss Edan so much so won't survive because I am not loving it enough :cry:


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## Aerdrie

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
This little bean is going strong. Very very sticky one.
Sending you lots of love and positive energy.


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## Jellyt

Aww hun I was exactly the same at your stage, I was a wreck. It doesn't sound stupid at all. I felt guilty because I was trying not to become attatched to this baby incase something went wrong. I still have days where I can't imagine holding a crying baby in my arms but i'm viable now and I got past the stage where you are now and so will you. Every day is still terrifying to me but with every scan and appointment i've been finding it slightly easier. I don't think any of us who've had losses will ever feel safe until our babies are in our arms and breathing but know that it will get easier and even though it feels like time is going ridiculously slowly, it will pass before you know it! :hugs:


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## Ferret

I can understand what you mean because I am the same. Saw my little bean and hb yesterday but am convinced it's still all going to go wrong. Trying to stay positive but so hard. As you wisely told me just take each day at a time. 
I am sure this is your time and I am sending you lots of hugs and positive thoughts.


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## lauralora

sadly im right there with you, and i wish you lived in the same town as me coz i think we would be a good pregnant buddies lol.

ive been crying ALL day because ive had watery discharge and couldnt get in touch with the midwife! i reeeeally believe my waters had gone, and tbh im still having a hard time convincing myself its ok, im so paronoid.

you will get through it, some how *sigh* i no its hard, it doesnt get easier, you just have to try and be brave :) xxx


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## fluffyblue

Aww hunni, I do know how you feel really I do.

Just take each day as it comes you will get there - keep believing xxxx


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## Drazic<3

Thanks so much for all your kind responses. I really hope from the bottom of my heart we are all blessed with healthy babies so soon :hugs:

Laura, I so wish that too babes! I know I am hypocrite number one here, but try not to panic. Could be a little wee infection maybe? Keep ringing that midwife babe and if still in doubt ring NHS direct or the delivery suite. My midwife said to call them if I ever couldn't get through :hugs:


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## Las78

Oh hun, you will be a mummy and a very good one too.

I was a nervous wreck for a long time hun, being pregnant again also brings back all the feelings from the loss to the forefront of your mind, constantly. Hun, I was so anxious all the time, it was totally screwing with my head badly, I didn't know how I would get through each day but you know what hun, somehow I did just as you will too and your day will come like mine has where the worry fades a little and you do regain the hope.



> Yesterday I felt sick as a dog all day - today, nothing

 Hun, remember this is quite normal, the symptoms come and go, enjoy not feeling sick today cause tommorrow you'll most probably be feeling blah again :winkwink:

Keep strong hun x


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## Mum2bewaiting

what u have described Drazic is exactly how I have been feeling, I can only say that it is beginning to get a little bit easier each day (not a lot) and as each milestone passes...

I too feel so guilty for not being able to enjoy this pregnancy and look much further forward than the end of my nose 

big big :hugs:


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## Widger

It is only natural for you to worry Drazic so please don't feel guilty about not enjoying this pregnancy. I have only just relaxed and started to enjoy this pregnancy after my 21 week scan yesterday. It does get easier. The first trimester is the worst though because all you do is worry that it will happen again BUT this is a different pregnancy. A sticky one. You will enjoy it eventually - I promise :hugs:


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## RainbowDrop_x

Personally I've never experienced a MC or MMC so can't relate emotionally to how you feel.. But I can't imagine how hard it must be to try and be positive

I'm also a worrier but having been through what you have I can only imagine that that worry is 100 times worse... Just try to be strong.. I know it's hard to enjoy something that's so scary.. I'm sure this little bean will be fine and once you get pass what they call the high risk stage I'm sure you'll start enjoying it a lot more :hugs:

Thinking of you and sending you lots of sticky dust

:dust::dust::dust::dust:

xxx


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## Drazic<3

Thanks for all the kind messages girls. I don't mean to be moany, and the fact you listen to my concerns with kindness and understanding means the world to me. I can't thank you enough and sending you all loads of sticky :dust: too :hugs: :kiss:


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## ThatGirl

*hugs* i know the feeling hunny im in the same boat, would have been 31 weeks today and worrying soo much about this baby :(


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## miel

you going to be ok sweetie ...i know right now the weeks are going very slowly but soon you will be up to 12 weeks etc...hang in there:hugs:

thinking of you :hugs:
xoxo,
miel


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## cazza22

I could have wrote this Katie those are my words :-(. U r not in this alone babes we are all right here with u, we have to take one day at a time and get through it slowly but surely and we will ok we have to because we deserve to be brilliant mummys to these iccle beans inside of us. Always here 4 u ((((((((((((((((massive hugs)))))))))))))))) Lov Caz xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## tinybutterfly

Drazic, you already are an amazing mommy!!!
and one day you will get to hold your baby, healthy and all!
(((hugs)))


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## beachlover1

Oh Drazic hun!! hang in there ok, every day is a step closer to happiness! I know its so hard...i have been there and done it twice! EVERY time is different ok, you have to look ahead. ITs not long til your second scan now, and speaking from experience, i truely believe it will make you feel differently seeing your LO on that screen again.

Its all part of the hurdles we have to go thru and this littel bean needs you to get jumping them!!

Be strong and I PROMISE it will get better, its still scary, i dont think that ever goes, but the paranoia becomes a tiny bit less..i even went to the loo today, wiped and didnt even look!!....just the once mind you, but paranoia is definately getting a tiny weeny bit better for me!!! xxx


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## shocker

Your getting there hun, you've hit your two milestones and done amazing! The next one is so close and your gonna get there and its going to be amazing! I cant imagine how hard it must be for you to stay positive at the moment but it WILL be ok :hugs:


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## SugarKisses

Sorry hun, I have no words, but lots of hugs :hugs2: As you know I lost Sophie at 25 weeks and I am really struggling too...especially as its getting closer to the time I went into labour with Sophie for no known reason. It broke me too :cry:

I understand your worrys and pain :hugs: x x x


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## KA92

massive :hug:

YOU WILL BE MUMMY DRAZIC promise darling

you baby knows you love him.her and i bet Edens delighted to have a little brother or sister

hug your so strong and amazing i know its tough but keep your chin up my darling youv got a strong bubba in there and itl be in your arms in like 33 weeks!!!
xx


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## Bingo

You've been through such a traumatic experience and it's natural to feel the way you're feeling. After a loss you're always going to worry that it will happen again but as the pregnancy progresses hopefully you'll (and we'll all) settle into a rhythm and things will feel better. :hugs:


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## Drazic<3

Thanks so much girls. I know you have all suffered and for you to take the time, through your own fears, to comfort me means the world. I know how hard it is for us all, I just had a really low day yesterday but not letting it drag me down and trying to bolster back up my positivity. 

Wishing all of us the happy, healthy babies we so deserve. :hugs: and :kiss: all round -x-


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## lauralora

SugarKisses said:


> Sorry hun, I have no words, but lots of hugs :hugs2: As you know I lost Sophie at 25 weeks and I am really struggling too...especially as its getting closer to the time I went into labour with Sophie for no known reason. It broke me too :cry:
> 
> I understand your worrys and pain :hugs: x x x

ohh hunny i just read you memorial site for your little girl and couldnt even finish reading it :cry: 

im sorry for your loss, and so pleased that your pregnant again! 

xx


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## littleblonde

I can understand your pain. You sound just like me. I had a horrible 1st trimester (i lost my 1st)I spotted red for 2 weeks. i lost a huge amount of red blood. I had the worse cramps i had ever had. I think every single day i conveinced myself i had lost the baby. Especially with all the blood. but somehow she has stuck. The 2nd trimester wasnt much better. I had lots of watery discharge and still had cramps on and off/ Thn even now its still hard. I think in till you have your baby is your arms your not going to relax. But it dioes get easier. Why not rather than counting down till the end, start counting down to your scans and appointments. The more appointments you have the closer together they get and the more reassurance you have. It will break up the time and make it easier. As for symptons mine came and went as well. Some days i felt great other days i had nausier and tiredness and sore boobs. That is normal. I wasnt sick till week 12. 

I see you have a scan in 5 days so thats what want you to count down to. Then your next appointmnet or scan and keep doing it that way.


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## x-amy-x

:hugs:

I know how you feel hun... sometimes i feel silly for feeling the way i do, like i should be jumping for joy about being pregnant but in all honesty in scare stiff. just taking each day as it comes. Hoping that every time i go to the toilet and wipe there will be no more blood.. its testing to say the least but hopefully we'll both get to the end eh? no one can say for sure what the future holds but we can just try to keep out chin up and carry on as best we can and look after our beanies while we can :hugs:

the worst thing for me is when people say 'i'm sure everything will be fine' when in fact its not true... no one can be sure everything will be fine... one day at a time we can just hope for the best :hugs: xxx


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## Drazic<3

Thanks for all the messages girls - it totally humbles me that after what you have all been through you have the time for me. Thank you :hugs: :kiss:

Amy, I so agree. I got SO frustrated with OH saying that. I know he means well, and I know he lost too and he doesn't know what to say, but it just makes me scream because noone knows that, and plus - they said that last time and it wasn't fine :cry:

Love all round -x-


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## Smiler13

Drazic, Hang on in there, and don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do - nothing we think or feel causes pregnancy to go wrong, it is out of our hands. Not our fault. 

Similarly, if you feel low and anxious it's OK to admit it, a "positive mental attitude" is not compulsory! 

Best wishes for getting through to the next milestone!


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