# How often does your ex see the kids?



## pregatlast

Just that, how often does he see them?


----------



## JessdueJan

At the minute the youngest two dad is seeing them maybe every other day for 15 minute at a time. Just popping in to say hi basically. He is getting his own place in 2 weeks and then is wanting them Thursday from school pick up to Saturday am. 

FOB of DS1 has him every other weekend Friday to Sunday and also Tuesday overnight from 5.30pm to school drop off xx


----------



## pregatlast

How does that work? Having him pop in every other day? Are you ok with that? And the kids?


----------



## JessdueJan

pregatlast said:


> How does that work? Having him pop in every other day? Are you ok with that? And the kids?

I hate it. I feel like I'm trying to get the kids into a routine and then he comes crashing in for 15minutes, brings them sweets and presents, has a little nosey round my house to check I'm not hiding any male friends and then leaves me to deal with hyper children. The kids just like it cos he brings presents. I can't wait until he is settled in his own home so he can have them properly. xx


----------



## Louise88

My ex moved away when we split up so he lives 6hrs away at first he was coming up once a month on his long weekends off work but now he's starting to loose interest and kids are lucky to even get a phone call off him once a fortnight. I wish he'd stayed up here when we split as his absence from their lives is really effecting them emotionally.


----------



## pregatlast

JessdueJan said:


> pregatlast said:
> 
> 
> How does that work? Having him pop in every other day? Are you ok with that? And the kids?
> 
> I hate it. I feel like I'm trying to get the kids into a routine and then he comes crashing in for 15minutes, brings them sweets and presents, has a little nosey round my house to check I'm not hiding any male friends and then leaves me to deal with hyper children. The kids just like it cos he brings presents. I can't wait until he is settled in his own home so he can have them properly. xxClick to expand...

Yeah, I can imagine that must be a nightmare!!!


----------



## pregatlast

We haven't talked at length about it yet but he is thinking of a couple of after schools through the week and then either every second weekend, or a day every weekend. We agree that there will be no overnights at the moment (he has never got up with them through the night for the last 6 years, why would he start now?!)

My concerns are that the kids have clubs and things on 3 times a week at the moment (two evenings and a Saturday morning), and my ex doesn't drive, so I worry that I am going to end up doing all the 'work', driving them about etc and he will get them the nights they have nothing on, meaning I lose out!!

I'm not really sure what to suggest!


----------



## babyv13

my DD goes to her dad's Friday after nursery until Tuesday when I finish work one week, then the next week she goes Sunday 5pm until after work on Tuesday. this works really well for us, will probably change a bit when she's at school because I work more than he does so he'll help out with pre/after school care.


----------



## pregatlast

Am I being totally unreasonable here, or do you get where I'm coming from....

So at the moment, the kids get dropped off at the house at 4.30 (by the childminder) and my husband (ex husband now) is home for them. I get home about 5.45ish. His plan, is that we will continue this, but the childminder will drop them at his flat at 4.30, then I will get them when I get home at 5.45 (not sure if I would have to collect or he would bring them). My view is that this is not fair on the kids, they wont know where they are going or what they are doing being passed from person to person to person and it isn't proper quality time with their dad, for an hour?! I said I didn't agree, he went in a huff and said he thought it was a good idea, to "help me out"?!?!?!


----------



## luci and bump

pregatlast said:


> Am I being totally unreasonable here, or do you get where I'm coming from....
> 
> So at the moment, the kids get dropped off at the house at 4.30 (by the childminder) and my husband (ex husband now) is home for them. I get home about 5.45ish. His plan, is that we will continue this, but the childminder will drop them at his flat at 4.30, then I will get them when I get home at 5.45 (not sure if I would have to collect or he would bring them). My view is that this is not fair on the kids, they wont know where they are going or what they are doing being passed from person to person to person and it isn't proper quality time with their dad, for an hour?! I said I didn't agree, he went in a huff and said he thought it was a good idea, to "help me out"?!?!?!

I agree; that is no good for them. I'd say to him if he isn't happy to continue it the way it is, and work out a substantial period of time for him to have them, then you'll speak to the child minder about having them that extra time.
My FOB picks my daughter up from school on a Monday while I'm in work, and she gets home about 6.45. That's changing to Wednesday once she goes back to school. Then he picks her up from school on a Thursday, and she comes home on a Saturday afternoon/evening each week. It works for both of us, he works as a nurse, so his ward have given him set shifts, but we're both quite flexible. For example they had a christening yesterday, so she came home yesterday evening instead of Saturday evening


----------



## 44npregnant

Twice in the last 3.5 years and I don't think he will every be seeing him again. It's time to move on.


----------



## Milina

I don´t have such Problems for myself. But a friend of mine got separated from her boyfriend several years ago. They agreed to let him visit his daughter every two weeks. Unfortunally over the years ther were less and less visits by him first the visits were regulary but now it is not even 1 time in a month. He told my friend that he has to much to do. But I just don´t buy it. To me it seems he is loosing interest in his daughter..


----------



## Sarahcake

This is an older thread now, but thought I'd add my experience. My son's dad is court ordered to see him 6 times a year direct contact. Last time he bothered was January this year. He is also court ordered to indirect contact at least once a week via Skype video calls. The last time this happened was November last year. 

I am unfortunately not in a position to tell him to 'do one' as I'm court ordered to keep contact open but I don't think I'll be seeing him any time soon. Which suits me fine as he's happy at home with me, his mummy, his step dad and his little sister incoming :)


----------

