# Having her overnight... his rights



## Sparky0207

My ex hasnt bothered to see Lucy the last 2 days that hes been off work, even though ive not said he cant. He called me at 8.30 today wanting to see her but she was already in bed so I said no as I dont want him coming here. His parents are having her tomorrow so he will get to see her for an hour when he gets home from work.

Hes now told me he wants her overnight one night next week. Ive never ever left her overnight with anyone and am not ready to yet. He hasnt got up with her in the morning since she was 4 months old. She is teething really badly at the mo and is up several times in the night, I know he wont hear her as he never has before, hes just left her to scream. I absolutely refuse to let her stay overnight, I dont even know why he wants to, maybe just to upset me. 
Legally, what are his rights on this? Bearing in mind he hasnt had her on his own for more than an hour since we split. (In fact, in that hour he fell asleep on the sofa and when I turned up she had climbed the stairs and was sat at the top crying because she couldnt get down)


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## lou_w34

Im not sure legally on his rights, But i think that if he has never had her overnight before, and hasnt had much to do with her either, that he has to establish a relationship with her first, before you just hand her over for the night.

Have you tried telling explainging this to him? He may take it ok and rethink having her overnight =)


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## lilyd

i would refuse and tell him that if he makes the effort to establish regular visits and build trust and confidence with both you and your daughter then you will reconsider.


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## suzanne108

I don't know what his rights are legally...I doubt he has any to be honest?? Don't quote me :)

If I was you though I would NOT let him have her for the night, I can't believe that he let her climb the stairs and the poor soul couldn't get down, bless her. 

Nope, definitely wouldn't let him have her if I was you. :hugs: xx


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## purpledahlia

yup - i agree with the others. She would probably just end up getting upset and not understanding where you are. xx


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## teal

I agree with what everyone has said - I wouldn't feel comfortable with it either x


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## Perdita

Explain to him why you'd rather not leave her overnight, especially the teething/screaming bit! He does have parental rights but good sense needs to prevail! If he kicks up a fuss stay calm and offer to hand her over for the next afternoon he has off or pick her up later than usual - it's less confrontational if you offer alternatives and try not to get into a slanging match about his obvious failings. I've had to mediate between warring parents and it's not pretty - sounds like you'll need to be the grown up and set down the rules. Good luck and stick to your guns!


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## babyndme

im going through the same situation, on the legal side ive heard that you don't have to allow them to take them for a few hrs, or overnight but you cant not let them see them. sorry bout spellig, hope i help xxx


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## DizzyMoo

At the moment he needs to have more regular visits, it doesn't sound like he is spending enough time with her full stop never mind suddenly have her overnight the poor girl would prob be upset in unfamilier surroundings & with someone she hardly knows.

Stick to your guns x


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## starbucks101

Hey hun, 

If it was to go through the courts he would have a bloody hard time getting overnight access untill she turned 3, which is when they deem it suitable to be away from the main carer overnight :) 

From previous court expereince


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## Lexi's Mummy

starbucks101 said:


> Hey hun,
> 
> If it was to go through the courts he would have a bloody hard time getting overnight access untill she turned 3, which is when they deem it suitable to be away from the main carer overnight :)
> 
> From previous court expereince

just wat i was about to say, fir him to legally have the right to an over night stay he would have to apply for some sort of joint custody.. which can ttake a hell of a long time in itself.. just refuse and explain that not only are you not ready niether is she :D xx


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## lost-mum

sadly he has all the rights in the world my advice is keep him happy to a certain extent or the courts will rip you apart if he does take action comprimise with him come to a agreement be willing to try and work things with him not just for him but for bub to BOTH parents are very important trust me i've just been through court its not fun!!!!


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## xxannxx

i agree with everyone else, he defo needs to establish a better relationship with her before he has her for that long. Am not sure what the exact legal stance is but i think as long as your not stopping him completely its just common sense that you want child to be comfortable. Stick to your guns, your in the right. :flower:


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## Sparky0207

Sorry girs, only just caught back up with the thread. Thank you all so much for your replies.

It has now turned out that its his mother pushing for him to have her overnight and in his own words hes 'not at all bothered' if I dont let her stay. 

He gets a Friday and Sunday off work each week so I said he can see her both days, but he only wanted to see her Fridays as he wants a day to himself on Sunday (nice, huh) so I agreed that he can have her on a Friday. 

So, come 6pm on Saturday (the time his mum gets home) he calls me and said his mum is concerned that she wont see her as she works all day friday, so they will fight to get her overnight on a Thursday after all. I said he can have her til bedtime on a friday then his mum can see her too but apparently thats not good enough.

I had a logical think about it and there is absolutely no way they will take it through court for no other reason than the cost. He begrudges spending a tenner on her so theres no way he'd pay hundreds, if not thousands to take it through court.

Im seeing sense now! xxx


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## purpledahlia

god if the mother wants to see the child why cant she come and visit you on the weekend when shes off??


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## DizzyMoo

Sparky0207 said:


> Sorry girs, only just caught back up with the thread. Thank you all so much for your replies.
> 
> It has now turned out that its his mother pushing for him to have her overnight and in his own words hes 'not at all bothered' if I dont let her stay.
> 
> He gets a Friday and Sunday off work each week so I said he can see her both days, but he only wanted to see her Fridays as he wants a day to himself on Sunday (nice, huh) so I agreed that he can have her on a Friday.
> 
> So, come 6pm on Saturday (the time his mum gets home) he calls me and said his mum is concerned that she wont see her as she works all day friday, so they will fight to get her overnight on a Thursday after all. I said he can have her til bedtime on a friday then his mum can see her too but apparently thats not good enough.
> 
> I had a logical think about it and there is absolutely no way they will take it through court for no other reason than the cost. He begrudges spending a tenner on her so theres no way he'd pay hundreds, if not thousands to take it through court.
> 
> Im seeing sense now! xxx

Personally if he's saying that i would then say " well let her arrange her own visits then " that way he has his & she has hers.


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## Sparky0207

I said that to him. His excuse for her is that she doesnt drive and that his dad works most weekends. Well for a start we only live a ten min walk away from them or if shes too lazy to walk has she not heard of a bus?

He wasnt having any of it so let battle commence! I think IF he took it to court (which I really dont think he would) then they would look at all the 'evidence' and see that they really dont make that much of an effort to see her anyway so I cant see him being granted overnight access. I mean, what will his mother do when he moves out? She wont see her at all then xxx


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## suzanne108

I'm scared about this happening with my FOBs mother. She's an interfering cow! 

She should definitely be making more of an effort to see LO herself, why does it have to be up to you?? If its only a 10 minute walk she could easily come round to see LO...not like you're saying she can't do that :shrug:


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## DizzyMoo

A 10 minute walk isn't far at all , so she should be making her own arrangements to see lo whether or not her hubby is there grr they really annoy me with silly excuses ! 

Stick by your guns hun x


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## Perdita

Oh for goodness sake - they want you to jump through hoops for them but are willing to do sod all to help out???? I belive the phrase I'm looking for is 'bugger that for a game of soldiers'!! No court is going to give them what they want just because it's what they want! If they won't make an effort then they can flap their gums all they want - it won't get them anywhere! Make it clear that you're happy if they want to be involved but it's not always convenient for you to be running back and forth, suggest they have a think about when would be best for visiting but also make it clear that you're not ready to let her stay away overnight, that's something you can talk about again in a month or so. I'm hoping they can be reasonable people so you just have to take the high ground and hope they respond in kind!
good luck!
xx


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## Lu28

Hopefully you're right and they won't take it to court. Just so you can be seen to be compromising, why don't you suggest he has her on Sunday instead of Friday so he still has his day off and his mum can see her? There isn't any age limit before which dad can't have a child overnight but a relationship has to be established and the LO must be comfortable with dad before overnight can be considered seriously.


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## MissEfendi

Hi

Is there proof of this online as my son is 5 months and breastfed but i am not comfortable for my son to be left overnight with the ex til he three and can let me know if he is happy, but i heard dads can have them overnight from the age of 1....





starbucks101 said:


> Hey hun,
> 
> If it was to go through the courts he would have a bloody hard time getting overnight access untill she turned 3, which is when they deem it suitable to be away from the main carer overnight :)
> 
> From previous court expereince


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## AppleBlossom

Hey hun, I know this is from ages ago but I am going through a similar thing at the minute. I spoke to my solicitor and actually even if he is on the birth certificate he doesn't have any rights to have her overnight unless you agree. My ex said it WAS his right to have Grace overnight and if I didn't agree he would take me to court. But unless there is a really good reason why they should have them overnight then a judge will not let them


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## MissEfendi

I thought because they are the fathers and they need to bond with their child, that they would be allow to have the overnight? I don't mind if my son is three because at least then he will be vocal, he can say if he is happy , or not, and if he wants to go or not but any age before that I am uncomfortable with, especially since the ex lives two hours away.
We are currently disagreeing over access and he has threatened me with court so I am going to a solicitors to do an agreement of an hour every other saturdays ( cannot do longer than an hour as I breastfeed every two hours, I dont drive so I need to travel half hour to a contact centre and half hour back) I want to go to a contact centre because we have nowhere locally on a saturday for him to see his dad, it has been in family pubs so far and it distresses my son, plus the dad is a bully to me, and swore at me in his text so I prefer a contact centre.

I just dont want to fret that at some point he will demand overnight visits to his home in High Wycombe ( i live in south London) and I will be powerless to stop it so I want to check all my rights and bring it up with the solicitor.


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## starbucks101

Hi Miss, Its not a written code... but taking into account you live 2hours apart i really would not worry too much. Yes as his dad he is entitled to overnight access but they take lots of things into consideration before allowing it if there is any contestment from the parent with care.


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## purpledahlia

Aw heidi is he being a complete shit again? I would think the courts would be on your side and would expect LO to be at a suitable age before he has overnight visits, for being 2 hours away i would expect it to be a good couple of years at least, Good idea about the contact centre, its more secure isnt it. xx


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## MissEfendi

Yep he is being an twat. He said he was on holiday for two to three weeks so I made plans for Caden to have his jabs ( which takes him days to recover) and to visit my family from Sussex, well the ex came back two weeks early and wanted to see him but I said the weekend is not possible because we made plans expecting him to be on holiday but he could see him during week. He said he cant do the week because of work, ( instead of cutting short his holiday and returning straight back to work, why didnt he want to spend the weekdays with his son instead?!) so he said to me, he is going to get his legal rights sorted so that he can see caden when he wants, that he is the dad, FACT, that he is going to contact the registering agency and get recognised as the father, and that I can do it the easy or hard way.

Nice.
I did not reply, and he has not got back in touch so I am sure he is at his solicitors sorting out access. So I have been emailing contact centres, lawyers etc so I can get an agreement drawn up with access every other sat at a contact centre, and no overnigth visits until he is 3 ( can I request that?) also can i request he cannot take our son to his mum's? because the mum's boyfriend was taken to court years ago for sexually abusing his son though it was not proven and I dont want to take any risks when it comes to my son.


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## purpledahlia

I amnt sure about his mums, but if he has a police record im sure they would agree with you.. i think the way he is blackmailing you and threatening you is disgusting. Contact centre is the best way, caden wont know its a contact centre.. there will be toys, you and FOB so dont worry about it affecting him. Im sure when caden is old enough to voice his opinions he wont even wanna travel 2 hours away to stay 1 night and then back .. hopefully. as long as FOB smokes cannabis caden wont have to go.. the courts will agree to that, im sure you can probaby request weekly drug tests for this to be prooven (if he says hes quit-which i assume he will say) x


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