# TTC #1 AL Buddies 2016 Newcomers Welcome



## lesondemavie

Anyone out there trying for your first after a loss? My very first pregnancy just ended in a MMC at my 8 week ultrasound. We're still just recovering, but plan to start trying again as soon as we're cleared by the ob. I've had such amazing buddies and support from the day I started ttc#1, but now I'm not sure exactly where I fit. If there are a few more of you out there, who sadly like me, lost your first and are still hoping and wishing for that day that you get to hold your precious, crying baby in your arms, please join me. I know I'd love to have your support, and also to support you on this journey! <3

We want babies not just BFPs!!! :dust:

_Let me know if you would like to be added to our wall of inspiration. I will not add you unless you ask. I want this to be a safe space, so there is absolutely no obligation to be on the list. I'm staring this wall with the hope that this list becomes a source of success stories to inspire others as they try to move from the grief of loss to the hope of TTC again. For now, the list can inspire by showing that we have managed to pick up the pieces and keep going (no small feat - hooray us!!!). In the future though, this wall WILL be full of not just BFPs but birth announcements!_

&#10024;<3&#10024;*WALL OF INSPIRATION*&#10024;<3&#10024;
*lesondemavie* - MMC February 2016 after 6 cycles of TTC. Back TTC March 2016. CP September 2016. First appointment with RE and Sub-Clinical Hypothyroidism diagnosed October 2016. * October 2016!!!* _Levothyroxine, E2, P, and baby aspirin after O_ :pink: Charlie Joan born July 22, 2017 at 41+4 :baby:
*BronteForever* - Ectopic April 2009. NTNP 2012-2014. TTC since 2014. RE March 2016. Failed ER June 2016. Second ER and fresh transfer February 2017 - BFN. March 2017 - On a break.
*mrs unicorn* - MMC February 2016 after 3 cycles of TTC. Back TTC April 2016. * July 2016!!!* _no intervention_ :blue: Isaac Oscar born April 5th, 2017 :baby:
*Aayla* - NMC August 2015 after 3 cycles on Letrozole. Back TTC with Letrozole May 2016. October 2016 - Getting healthy and saving before moving on to IUI or IVF.
*beemeck* - Cervical Ectopic April 2015 after 1 cycle TTC. Back to TTC soon after. IUI with Femara starting April 2016. * June 2016!!!* :pink: Rani born March 2017 :baby:
*raine87* - MC February 2015 and February 2016 after TTC since December 2014. On Metformin and back TTC May 2016. * July 2016!!!* :baby:
*beccabonny* - MMC Nov 2015 after NTNP since May 2015. TTC since Feb 2016. NMC July 2016. * August 2016!!!* _P after BFP_ :pink: RR born May 4th, 2017 :baby:


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## beemeck

Hi les ! I'm in :) just checking in quickly from my phone but I'll love to join you !


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## lesondemavie

Sounds good bee :). Of course I've counted on having you along the way. I don't know how you've done it all this time. So admire your strength!


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## beemeck

aw les, you're so sweet. I was going to add that I hope it doesn't take you or anyone else as long as it's been taking me! The wait is so excruciating. At first, the docs were thinking I had miscarried - and at least I was convinced I was due to the heavy bleeding. I was one of those people who was going to start trying before AF even came because I wanted to be pregnant again RIGHT AWAY. I know everyone is different, but that's where I landed. Luckily they tracked my betas and finally figured everything out, but here I am 10 months later - still nothing. And my first hope was to have to wait a dreaded month.... :dohh:


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## lesondemavie

Haha, I know what you mean! I'd love to start trying again right away, but ttc taught me that for whatever reason it might not happen quickly. At the same time though, the fear of going through this heartache again is hard. I just keep telling myself that if I don't risk it, I'll never get to hold that baby in my arms. Physically healing from this MC has been tough. I've read through your journal, but still I can only imagine what it was like recovering from your ectopic. I know that you too get that nagging feeling of what if something's wrong. I keep telling myself that there must have just been something off with the plans for the heart (based on when gremlin stopped growing), and that it really was just one of those chance things...but deep down I still don't really know if I can carry a baby full term. Only way to find out though is to jump and wait to see what happens :coffee:. The fall is longer than we had hoped, but we still haven't hit the ground yet! Hopefully there's a safety net down there somewhere :)


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## beemeck

you know, going through the whole process physically made me love and appreciate my body so much. I know that so many women feel like their body failed them (and on some bad days I do too), but I mostly think how it saved my life and my uterus. and the recovery was so quick and easy. I only needed 2 transfusions when I should have needed more - the docs had no explanation for why the bleeding randomly stopped on the operating table and were surprised to see my hemoglobin levels stabalize so easily. I think if you can, give your body as much extra love and credit as you can. These things happen for such random reasons and I think our bodies handle them the best way they know how. It's just so important not to blame ourselves when these things happen. It breaks my heart to read about women who do. 

The bad days also make me wander to the place where I question everything. I try not to go there, but sometimes it's hard. I'm a very scientific person and I'm always trying to seek answers. I don't do well with things unexplained, so it's been rough. I think that's why I've been pushing the medical testing route so much - I just need this to make sense to me in some way - any way. 

I'm sorry that it's taking it's toll on you - the first days are so fresh and hard. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for a very speedy recovery and to get right back on track with your cycles. :hugs:


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## lesondemavie

I actually feel the same. I've always had body image issues, but after the pregnancy, even though it ended in mc, I've felt so much better about myself just the way I am. It's an odd feeling in the midst of all the sadness, but then again I think every life experience is a mixed bag. There are always positives to look for and hold on to tightly. It's what gets us through the despair. 

I've always felt like we're kindred spirits in a way. So scientific, but also adamant about looking for and celebrating the positives no matter what's going on. It's lovely that you can look back and be thankful for what you have considering.

I think last I read, you're going in for another appointment soon, is that right? If so, hope all goes well and it's just what you need <3 <3 <3


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## NDurham12

Hi Ladies, 

I'm about to go through my first loss. Betas came back lower today so dr thinks it's ectopic. This day had been so hard, been crying so much, I'm so sad. Took 3 years to even get pregnant and now this. I have an ultrasound on Monday and already asked dh to take the day off as I'm fearing the worse. 

Given how long it's taken to get here, I too know that trying to rush anything will only stress me out. Just gonna try to take things in stride and 1 day at a time. 
This weekend is gonna completely suck.


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## lesondemavie

I'm so very sorry ND :hugs:. This journey is just full of so many hard waits isn't it? It all just seems so unfair, especially after trying for so long. I'm glad your DH will be there, and I hope the ultrasound goes as well as it possibly can. Cry all you need. I know I have. We'll be here for you when you get your news on Monday, and feel free to pop in if you need to vent this weekend.


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## NDurham12

lesondemavie said:


> I'm so very sorry ND :hugs:. This journey is just full of so many hard waits isn't it? It all just seems so unfair, especially after trying for so long. I'm glad your DH will be there, and I hope the ultrasound goes as well as it possibly can. Cry all you need. I know I have. We'll be here for you when you get your news on Monday, and feel free to pop in if you need to vent this weekend.

Hi Les! Nice to meet you, thanks so much for the kind words. 

Last night was rough, but made it through it. Actually slept holding this Angel (actually she's a fairy, but angel to me) hello kitty bear to keep me safe.


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## lesondemavie

That sounds nice ND. We need all the comfort we can get no matter where we're at <3


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## lesondemavie

Happy CH bee!


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## beemeck

Lol thanks ! I put those on myself bc ff gave me dotted ones on cd 15 but I know that was wrong because I had pos opks days 16, 17 and still basically positive on 18. I hate that my temps are such a mess though. I normally have pretty charts. Hey - at this point I'll take anything different though. The pretty charts didn't get me anywhere so maybe this mess will! Lol


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## lesondemavie

ND: I hope you're doing ok. Please do check in when you get chance.

Bee: How's the tww treating you?


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## NDurham12

Hi Les and Bee,

Just woke up. mc was confirmed on Monday, hcg went down to 300's. Going in today (and probably the next two weeks) for more bloodwork to watch it drop to 0. I have pain on my left side, but us hurt too bad for dr. to find anything significant. 
I finally told my mother and the few friends that knew on yesterday that we lost the baby. Teared up a bit, but quickly found other things to do to take my mind off of it. 
Hubby got me sick yesterday, but it's gonna be a busy week for me so I'm just slowly trekking on.

Les, I read your journal today, it was so lovely. You're so strong and I love your connection with yourself. 
Bee, I totally get how ff charts can drive you nuts. Fingers crossed for you!

Off to work in go....


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## beemeck

ND - so, so sorry to hear that. there's really no consolation I could give right now, but at least it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy. I'm so sorry to hear that this happened after trying for so long. I have heard a lot of success stories that after the body is pregnant, something clicks and it becomes fertile. I really hope this is the case for you and that you'll have your rainbow baby before you know it :hugs::hugs:

at this point I am happy with my messed up chart. After months of beautiful charts that led to nothing, I'm welcoming any changes!


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## lesondemavie

Oh ND I'm so sorry :hugs:. Like bee said, there's sadly no words in moments like these, but we're always here to listen. That any of this happens to anyone just absolutely stinks! I'm glad you read through my journal. I hope it helped in some small way. Work is now a welcome distraction for me, but please do take a few days off if you need them. I spent the day we found out with DH, and then took the following Monday off too. I wasn't ready to face the world and pretend like nothing happened. The first two days back after that I felt (and looked) like a zombie. I amazingly still haven't actually caught the bad flu that's going around, but it was an excellent cover.

Haha bee, I agree different is good. I want you to know that I am thankful that it wasn't ectopic. As hard as MC is physically, it's not nearly as medically involved. I'm so very glad that you recovered so fast, and if there's anything making it harder now, I hope they find it. We all though spent our time pg hoping and dreaming of the baby we would hold in our arms (and worrying about something going wrong), so that's the same. We all lost that, and are still hoping for that baby. 

I hope that we all have our loss out of the way and that there's a healthy happy next time in our futures! <3


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## beemeck

The sadness is the same for sure - there's no denying that! I just know that a lot of women lose their tubes with ectopics and therefore the chances of future pregnancies decrease so the good news when it's not ectopic is that the probability of another baby shouldn't be lowered. So it's only good for the future, not for the present moment. Nothing will take the sadness away but I know something that helped me (that I wouldn't have thought about if it hadn't been the crazy situation that it was) was that I could try again with the "same" (at least they thought so!) chances. I probably have a different thought process with the whole thing since they prepped me for a hysterectomy, so I took solace, and still do, in the fact that I can give this whole thing another go.


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## NDurham12

Howdy ladies,

So nurse called and my numbers today plateaued today so they want to do a dnc. I was just starting a meeting with my manager and had to step out to take the call. I was really bummed but had to go back to my meeting with a straight face. I only know the term dnc, not really what it entails, so I texted dh while in the meeting to tell him to look it up. Omg. I soooo dont wanna do that.

Honestly they have not confirmed if it's ectopic or not, my numbers never got high enough to view anything on us. I do have a pain on my left side , but the doctor is still unsure. 

I eventually told my boss this evening and he was very supportive. But overall it was a pretty crappie day.


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## NDurham12

Today was reallying hard. I'm just thankful I was actually sick with a cold and was forced to stay home. 
I had crazy lower back pain and cramping today with af starting full force. Felt awful. Feeling like new person right now though, glad that's over.


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## lesondemavie

Bee - I agree it so awesome that you got such a clean bill of health after your ectopic! Hope your upcoming appointments/procedures go well!

ND - So sorry you're sick, but the time off is definitely needed! I just finally stopped spotting today now just a day shy of 2 weeks after taking misoprostol. It is a relief to be done with it.

My ultrasound went well today, good lining, great ovaries - such good news. Just sad that my ob wants me to wait until mid-March to start trying again. I was hoping we could at least ntnp this month, but she said to use protection until my next regular af.


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## NDurham12

Hi Les, 

Very good you've stopped. I'm hoping I don't have to take the shot for the exact reason. I know not to rush things cause ttc is anything but fast, but there are so many rules with that shot. I want to stay on my egg health regime, which is started back on on Monday. 

Very glad your us went well. Are they still tracking your hcg? 

Bee, good luck and come back and tell us all that happened. ... well if you want too ;)


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## lesondemavie

They never tested my hcg. The MMC was found on my 8 week ultrasound, I took the medicine that night bc I couldn't stand the thought of just waiting 1-2 weeks for it to happen and then possibly still needing the medicine or the d&c anyway (that would have delayed things even further), and then they just had me come back in today for a really thorough ultrasound to check everything out and make sure that everything cleared. I'll poas every week or so to make sure it's completely negative before we try again. A false positive would just break my heart at this point.


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## beemeck

ND - what is going on now? did you start bleeding on your own or do they still want to schedule a d and c? thinking about you! 

les - that is so great that they followed up with an US and that everything is looking great. Although I've been looked after a few different ways since the loss, I guess it's kind of strange that they never did do an US. Prob because I had and d and c on top of having my numbers blood tested out to zero, but they could have at least seen how everything was looking :shrug: Hopefully this month goes fast for you. I had to take 3 months off and it felt like FOREVER. :dohh:

I will def update on the HSG test! I have some time to go still.... I can't call and schedule until AF arrives. Really don't have any hope for this cycle anymore - not sure why. Maybe it is just because I'm looking forward to getting answers so much that that is where my focus is. My HSG follow up is scheduled already because it takes longer to get in there so that will be March 8. The HSG should be the week before!


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## lesondemavie

Bee - I thought I remembered that you had to wait quite a while. I'm sure I'll look back and it will seem like nothing in the grand scheme. Just hard to swallow for now. A week before your follow up! Man, I was annoyed that I had to wait an hour between my ultrasound and my followup. So many waits, right? You never know this could be the cycle and then none of that will matter! :)


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## beemeck

right?! sorry to say that it probably will feel like forever even though I hope it doesn't. I remember feeling wildly impatient even after a month in. I finally found some women with similar stories (other ectopics) and the advice they were given was 3 months OR 2 full cycles, which typically takes 3 months to go back to normal like that. But I was back on track immediately so we ended up doing the full 2 cycles which by the time I O'ed was almost the 3 months anyway, but we cut it a litttttttle short :haha: lol 

everything becomes a waiting game. even plain old TTC. I think that's what I've hated about this journey the most - the constant wishing the time away. Rushing the 2 weeks until O time. Rushing the next 2 for testing time. then starting the whole cycle over again. And now a years gone by and I feel like I wished it all away. sigh. Can't wait til this all feels so far away because we are occupied with our pregnancies and babies....


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## lesondemavie

That time will come bee <3

It's funny that I'm now sitting here wishing for the predictability of ttc, when that whole time I just ached for a BFP. I even missed it a bit when the fear crept in while pg and waiting for my first scan. As hard as it was to see a bfn any month, the repetitive routine of it all became comforting. As much as I want it, I'm dreading the waves of fear that will come once I see those two beautiful lines again. I wonder if it'll be easier or harder. On one hand, I've been through it now and know I'll be ok. On the other hand, two losses in a row would be so hard. *sigh* guess there's only one way to find out.

ND - hope all is well with you &#10084;&#65039;


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## NDurham12

Hi Ladies, 

Sorry I took the weekend off and just did nothing. Monday, another beta test another disappointment. Dr can't delay the d&c any longer, going in on Friday. Totally stressed and so is the hubby. More waiting....

Waiting....waiting....waiting... ugh. 
You're so right Bee, so easy to get lost in the cycle of ttc and now the process of going through all this. Guys have it soooo easy. 

Les, you're also right about the next bfp. When do we allow ourselves to even get excited about it?


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## lesondemavie

ND - So sorry that it looks like you'll need the d&c. Are they going to do an ultrasound at all or just betas?

If we get another BFP, I'm going to try my hardest to just celebrate every day. Someone very wise once reminded me that worry won't change a thing (thanks bee!) :)


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## beemeck

aw thanks les lol you are so sweet to sneak that in there :blush::hugs:

nd - I had a d and c and would be happy to answer any questions you have! I know it's not ideal, but I thought it had it's pros and cons. I hemorrhaged and was taken into emergency surgery where a d and c was performed, so I had no time or knowledge to look into it prior. But I think I was glad in a way that I had one done because of the fear I then had of hemorrhaging again (I had a rare ectopic so don't worry about this happening to you!). I know that with a d and c, they really clean everything out so I felt better after my experience knowing that I wouldn't hemorrhage again. My aunt hemorrhaged after giving birth to her son because they had left some afterbirth in her. I guess any time there is anything left over in the uterus, the attempt to clean it out could end up in hemorrhaging so for me, that was the pro. They still traced by betas to zero afterward to make sure. please let me know if you have any questions! :hugs::hugs: I'm sorry that it had to end up like that. :cry::cry::cry::cry:


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## lesondemavie

ND: I too hear that is a big advantage of the d&c. After cytotec, I had to actually deal with seeing my little baby in the folds of toilet paper when I wiped, and then the umbilical cord the next morning. For me, it was actually peaceful and brought on some sense of closure, but I hear for many it can be quite traumatic. With the d&c, you won't have to go through that, and you won't have to let time drag on wondering if there's anything that will cause problems later. Hope all goes well :hugs:


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## NDurham12

Hi Les and Bee,

Sorry for the delayed posts. Learning myself through all of this tells me I take about 2 days to process things.

So, my doc wanted to do the d&c and I wanted a laparoscopy. She agreed given the pain on my left side. So Friday my preop bloodwork showed my hcg increasing to something like 450, up 100 from Monday. I freaked. ... immediately knowing that was not good and it was highly likely to be ectopic. 5:12 pm the clock read as the anaesthesiologist was telling me to breathe deeply to knock me out. 8 pm, the nurses are calling my name to wake me up in recovery. Doc has already given the bad news to the dh....ectopic in the right tube, near rupture, un repairable. 

I've been healing nicely and should be fully mobile by Wednesday. While distraught from the loss of my tube, I am happy to be alive, still full of hope and look forward to trying again.


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## lesondemavie

Oh ND I'm so very sorry :hugs:. I'm glad you're ok and that DH was there with you. Take care, heal up, and hang on to that hope <3 <3 <3


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## lesondemavie

Bee - Thinking of you! Hope everything for your appointments works out!


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## beemeck

wow ND!!! what an update. I'm shocked, really. I can't believe they didn't see that and good on you for knowing that something just wasn't right. I'm glad that you are okay and recovering. sending you so, so many big hugs and please let me know if you need anything. Although my situation was different, it's similar and I'm around to chat anytime you need. :hugs: wishing you a speedy recovery. 

les - thanks for thinking of me. how are YOU? I'm hoping AF is just around the corner for you (I think that's the first time I typed that on this site :haha:) 

I had my HSG done yesterday and all is clear. I guess I'm running out of ideas as to what's going on (which is probably for the better that I stop self diagnosing). If dye could get into my uterus and tubes, then surely the sperm can. and nothing was abnormal about the shape of my uterus that would have prevented implantation the first time. of course there are still more invasive tests that can be done, but as of now- unexplained. sigh. the next step will be an SA for DH which they are just doing to cover their bases...they don't think there is really a need since we got pregnant on the first try. 

follow up appt with obgyn is on Tuesday. hoping they release for to the fertility clinic then because this hopeful mama is getting impatient! :haha:


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## lesondemavie

Haha I know it's surreal to now be sitting here actually hoping for AF. I think I'm ok now if I get another week before I'm on to the next cycle. 

Today was a really tough day for me. I couldn't stop crying. I realized how very much I miss being pregnant, but not just being pregnant...I miss being pregnant with my gremlin. I feel so silly confronting these feelings, wishing for something that just can never happen. I need to work through this madness before we start trying again. The last thing I want is to be pregnant, but mad or sad that I'm not pregnant with the right baby.

ND - I hope you're up and about, but also taking it easy. Lots of hugs your way.


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## mrs unicorn

Hi ladies, can I join you? I know leson from the TTC, bfp and now sadly the mc boards. But hello bee and ND!

I had a MMC at 10 weeks (empty sac measuring 8 weeks) and an ERPC (at 11+2) 2 days ago. It's been such a heartbreaking couple of weeks and although the physical side is almost over, I know the emotional ride is going to be tough. Having ladies to chat to who understand what you are going through is so important. I'm glad I found this thread, as leson said, you don't know quite where you fit in! We'll be waiting for af to make an appearance in 4-6weeks before we start TTC again. I can already feel the super impatient me beginning to surface....


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## lesondemavie

Of course you can join here MrsU! Just a small group so far, and only bee is in ttc mode in this moment...but we'll all be back there when we're ready.

Bee - I'm sure it is a mix to have everything check out but still not know why it's taking so long. My SIL and her husband tried for over a year. They went through all the tests and everything checked out. She's now very pregnant and expecting her little boy in July. You just never know.


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## lesondemavie

I'm officially back to ttc! AF arrived today 4+3 days post MC. It's a few days later than I had hoped, but definitely still in early March NOT mid-March. I knew my ob was wrong. Goes to show you that in some ways we know our own bodies better than the docs.

ND sending hugs your way :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Bee - Hope you're close to enjoying O time!

MrsU - The wait is tough...I'm not going to lie. You saw me struggle with it. I can't even describe how happy I am right now. Not as happy as I was to be pg, but still so glad it's over. I was bracing myself to wait another 1-2 weeks, so to see AF today is such a relief.


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## mrs unicorn

Yey!! Leson I am so so happy for you! (I'll prob never say that about af on this site again!) and you're not much later, I know you have short cycles though. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll be celebrating the return of my af too! X


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## beemeck

unicorn!!! welcome! so sorry to see you here :hugs: I feel like I've seen you on other threads before, but if not, nice to meet you! and so sorry for your loss :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

les - yayyyyyyyyy AF!!!!!! sounds like you are right back on track and that next bfp will be here in no time :hugs:

I had my HSG performed last week and my follow up today. everything looks great but still no baby :shrug: my DH will do an SA next week and I booked my first RE appt for the 22. here's hoping.


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## mrs unicorn

Hi bee, I thought I recognised you too! I hope all goes well with your DHs test. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you. It sounds like you've got a doc that is going to try and help you though, I really hope you get some (good) answers soon. X


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## lesondemavie

Glad things are moving forward for you bee. Does that mean no chance that there was scarring from the ectopic? That's good right?


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## beemeck

well it at least means that even if there is scarring, it's not preventing sperm from getting through since the dye made it through! which is totally good news but also a little tough to hear because now it's like, why is is not happening?! grrr. looking forward to my upcoming appt though! :happydance:


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## lesondemavie

Ah I know it must be hard not knowing! Hoping (if it doesn't happen naturally) that these next few tests give you an answer with an easy fix!


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## mrs unicorn

So I've started temping again (am I mad?!) I just wanted to see if they were back in a normal range and it's looking good so far. Probably at the top end of my pre o temps but nowhere near post o, so I'm feeling pretty good about those. I'm also having little twingy cramps that I used to have around this time (I'm thinking I'm cd7 if the ERPC is cd1) Did anyone manage to detect ov straight after a loss just by using bbt? I'm not sure if I'm being ambitious with this cycle!


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## mrs unicorn

The hospital called me today to check everything was ok. I spoke with the lady who did my scans about TTC again (don't think I'll ever forget her voice, or face!) She said there was no medical reason to wait. Just if we did wait until after af there would be less confusion dating-wise. I don't think we will actively try, I doubt I'll ov at the same time and I'm not doing opks this cycle. Good to know that we can dtd if we want to though.


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## beemeck

thanks les. I'm not sure how I feel about things - I'm so up and down. but at the moment I'm feeling glad that there is nothing wrong thus far and even a little hopeful :shrug:

unicorn - I know exactly what you mean. I will never forget my ultrasound tech! I actually credit her the most with saving me. Even though cervical pregnancies are so, so rare, she had the wherewithal to look for the baby in my cervix and find it! I got teary eyed last time I saw her at the office. as for O'ing post loss, I've heard such mixed stories. I had never charted before or during my pregnancy, so I wasn't yet charting after my D and C. But I feel pretty confident that I O'ed 17 days after my D and C due to my O pain and CM. I also hear of many women that get pregnant before they even get another period so it def must be possible, if not common, for women to O not long after a loss.... sending you hugs and hoping you are finding some peace. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks bee, I'm feeling ok - ish. Ups and downs. I was reading some of your journal, my gosh, you must have been terrified! Thank god that ultrasound tech had enough wits about them to have a little look around. It must be very frustrating for you both now. I know nothing about fertility testing but it surprises me that they don't test men earlier. I mean it's a fairly easy test right? Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've had months of tests and all clear but your DH hasn't been tested yet? Hopefully all will be great with him but how come they don't rule that out earlier on?

I spoke with DH about trying again and we won't be this cycle. Which is fine, I think I'd prefer not too. I was hoping we might get back to dtd in a couple of weeks though. I don't want it to become something we're nervous of, does that sound silly?! Maybe if we know it's after o we'll feel better about it? Knowing that it won't lead to anything - it feels so strange saying that, when really what we want is the opposite. Argh such a confusing time! But DH is still struggling a bit and can't face trying again just yet, guess it's still early days.


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## lesondemavie

Still early days for sure MrsU :hugs:

My fertile window starts tomorrow, and as I wrote in my journal, I cry when I think about it. I feel ready, but getting back to trying doesn't feel the same at all. There's still a sadness deep in my soul. I think it will feel better as we go though. There's gotta be some hope in there somewhere to warm things back up again.

My temps are doing some strange things, but the last two days I probably didn't have 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep beforehand. I haven't started opks, but I figure it's far too early anyways. Had a nice 5 day AF and now just spotting. We'll know by end of month if it's on to the next cycle or if it's back in the unknown zone of pregnancy. Hope once things get started I enjoy O time again. Here goes nothing!


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## mrs unicorn

I guess it's unknown territory isn't it, but I'd like to think that in time things will feel almost back to the way they were before. That's my hope anyway. I think TTC changed things for us, it went from in the moment spontaneous times, to we need to be doing this tonight. It was so strange at first but after 2 months we got used to it. It did make me worry though that the spark had gone, because you have to get used to doing it when you maybe don't fancy it. Anyway, the point is we got used it and the next cycle was great with lots of bding (it was the lucky one too) 

Ah yes your temps are a bit up and down. Mine often are pre o, they are never the same each cycle. With any luck they might settle and still show ov for you. Mine seem to be ok at the moment, although like you, I've not been sleeping well the past 2 nights so not sure if I trust them! Also my skin is breaking out which doesn't fit in with normal symptoms around this time. Who knows :shrug:


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## lesondemavie

Officially back to ttc as of yesterday. It's an odd sort of bittersweet feeling. I've been stuck in my own head a bit these past few days. As much as I want a baby, I feel like it's not going to happen this cycle. Kinda hoping we get this one as a freebie just to get used to everything again. Guess we'll see how it goes!

MrsU - So true about TTC. We were really enjoying it, and now it's all different again. It's a bit sad that we won't have that same innocent excitement again...I just keep reminding myself that so many wonderful firsts lie ahead.

Bee - Looks like you O'd and completely covered your bases over there. Go get it girl! :dust:

ND - Hope you're getting the rest you need and healing up as best you can one day at a time :hug:


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## mrs unicorn

It's not possible for me to ov early is it? Not if I still had a faint +hpt on cd11. I had o pains cd 9 & 10, which would be normal for me but they would continue to cd13 ish. Not had any since then but I've got achy v lt cramps today which i tend to get post ov. I did a couple of opks and there was a line but not +, so I'm thinking this could still be hcg. Not even sure why I'm bothering trying to chart, guess I feel like I need to try and be back in control or at least doing something! :dohh:

How's everyone else doing?


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## lesondemavie

I think it's good that you're temping. Otherwise your body would probably be giving all sorts of mixed signals. I'd say you're still well within the pre-O zone. I O'd about a week later than usual. Give it another week and see what happens. I did have some pains and cramps as time went on, but I figured it was just everything shrinking back down and getting back to normal.


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## mrs unicorn

Yeah you're right. Maybe my body was gearing up for ov but didn't quite make it? I wasn't expecting to feel anything like o pains for another week at least, think I got a bit excited when I did! I'll keep on temping and see what happens.


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## beemeck

I think it's great that you're charting unicorn! I wish I had been both for my bfp cycle and afterward, but I didn't even discover it until later. unless it's stressing you out too much - otherwise I think it's great to have a little insight into what your body is doing. Based on your temps, I assume you have not ovulated and either might not this cycle or have a longer cycle. My post loss cycle was my normal 29 days, but a lot of women take 6 weeks post loss to have another CD 1. Thinking of you and hope you are hanging in there :hugs:

les - welcome back to the ttc game :hugs: such a bittersweet thing. I hope you are holding up alright too. It looks like you are just about to o! you'll be a couple days behind me. FX and sending you peace. :hugs:

I am 4dpo and looking forward to my first RE appt - less than a week now! I won't know if this cycle worked then or not (wouldn't that be crazy and a little embarrassing lol) but I wanted to make sure to schedule in time in case she wants to do CD 3 and 21 bloodwork. that way, we can schedule it for CD 3 if so. just feeling like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders knowing that someone is going to listen to me (the first consultation is an hour!!! :happydance::happydance:) and fight for me. :happydance:


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## mrs unicorn

Charting can sometimes stress me out because I obsess over things! But we've got a really busy week next week, a few days away then visiting family so that'll distract me.

haha it would be crazy if it was this cycle bee, but it does happen! FX! yey for your first meeting too :thumbup: good luck!


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## lesondemavie

Bee - So glad someone is listening and trying to help you figure things out. Seems like you have your bases covered. If it happens naturally, you're doing all you can. If it doesn't, you are on a path to hopefully get whatever help you need. Did your DH do the SA yet?

MrsU - Since you're type A like me, I think symptoms/your body would stress you out a bit as is. For me, I like to see if I'm in post-O or pre-O helps me to ignore all those minor little bumps and baubles I feel that I never noticed before.

I think I am about to O bee. Thanks for noticing! I hadn't checked CP in quite a while, but holy cow was it H & S this morning! I took an opk just in case. Seems like it's getting darker, but not a positive yet. Going to test again tonight just in case, but hoping those little eggs get another day or two to plump up and mature. I usually O on cd10, fingers crossed that's what happens. It'll be a relief to feel like that at least is regular. Then comes the long wait to see what my LP does...hopefully I don't stress out too much during the wait!


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## BronteForever

Ladies - mind if I join you? I am completely new to this community, so I'm still trying to figure everything out. 

However, my husband and I have been married for 15 years. I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2009 when we were NTNP and after that we just weren't emotionally ready to try for kids. So we waiting quite awhile (around 3 years) before I went off birth control. That's been several years ago now and we are still TTC #1 with no luck. I recently found out IVF is likely my only option, since my HSG test showed my one remaining tube is closed likely from scar tissue from the surgery to repair my ruptured tube from the ectopic. 

So right now I'm researching everything I can on IVF and adoption. I've been checking everything out on the assisted conception board too.

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that I commend all of you for getting back at it after a loss. Had I known at the time that I'd have this hard of time afterwards I probably would have tried earlier, but we just weren't ready at the time.

Hang in there. It does get easier after a loss, though sometimes I still randomly break down and cry for no reason.


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - Of course you can join! I'm so sorry you've been through so much. Hindsight is 20/20 huh? I know the feeling, but I'm sure you started when you were ready and really that's all you can do. Glad you know what's going on, and Fx IVF works for you. I've seen so many success stories! Where are you at in the process? So fun question - I assume your un means you're a Bronte fan?

Thank you also for the kind words. I figure I have a bumpy road ahead, but I trust it will get easier if I just keep facing the hurdles and letting myself feel whatever it is I need to feel.

My friend announced today that she's expecting #2 in September. It just reminded me of the announcement that I had planned. My baby was also due in September and I thought I would be sharing the good news with everyone by now. I hate that her news just filled me with longing and sadness for me instead of happiness for her. July-September is going to be super hard for me. SIL due July, one friend due August, and now another friend due September. I can't help but think why me...but I hate that thought bc there is no answer and I would never wish this on anyone else. Hoping I'll have the strength to get through it all by then.


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## BronteForever

Thanks for the welcome Les. Yes I am a Brontë fan but more so a romance book fan in general. However, Brontë is my nickname in life now since I play roller derby and picked my derby name in the first place as a play on the Brontë sisters and my real name!

Currently I don't have my first appointment with my RE until May since that's the first I could get in. My regular doctor has been handling all the testing up until now. So we'll see how it goes. I didn't think I'd be as open to IVF but now that it's likely the only option I'm much more open to it. 

So sorry to see you have another friend that's pregnant. That's always hard. My best friend told me she was pregnant a few days after my ectopic surgery and her little girl was born at the same month our child would have been. Not going to lie it's sometimes hard to see her. However in a weird way I feel a weird connection to her and always enjoy seeing her because of it and it's been really fun watching her grow up.


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## mrs unicorn

Welcome bronte :hi: so sorry you've had such a long journey. It's great that you are finally getting some help. I too know of success stories with ivf. Sometimes that too can, not always, be a long road but it's important to always keep in mind the end 'goal'. One of my friends had Ivf and now has the most adorable baby girl. And this site is wonderful to find support. :hugs:

Leson - argh I'm sorry about another announcement. As if this isn't tough enough. Don't feel guilty about not being super about happy about it. It's really crappy that this experience does this to us, but the way you feel is totally understandable. Let's hope you have some good news of your own to focus on by September :hugs: but yay for o :happydance: sounds like you are almost there! What time of day do you find it best to do opks? I only had one cycle where I did them successfully!

I've decide I'll keep on temping until Tuesday. We'll be away tues-mon so that will mess up my temps anyway (I struggle to sleep away from home) and if it hasn't happened by then, well I'll just have to wait for af!


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## Clarinet90

Hi Les! Thanks for creating such an inviting, and what seems like a much needed thread. 

I lost my first baby in December. It's been 3 months since, but it is still so difficult every day. I think about that pregnancy every single day, and everything reminds me of what I don't have. It doesn't help that two coworkers are pregnant, my cousin JUST had a baby 2 weeks ago, and my husbands friend just announced him and his wife are having a baby. Woooo it's been a rough couple of weeks. I keep going back and force from grief and anger, with a hit of acceptance. I still can't believe it happened to me, ya know? 

We decided to try again this month, and I am currently in my TWW. I'm hoping for good news by next week! I'm scared though.


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## mrs unicorn

Hi clairnet. so sorry for you loss. :hugs: yep, it's rubbish that there is a need for threads like these, but I'm so glad of them. I also find myself in disbelief that the past few months actually happened. I sometimes wish that none of it had even been, but then instantly feel guilty for feeling like that. I don't think it's how I really feel, I just get a bit angry at what it's done to us since.

gosh, it sounds like the past few weeks have been tough for you. I have a few friends who have babies, none of them know about what we've been through. One of them is constantly complaining on FB about her LO and how hard being a mother is. Drives me mad. Maybe I shouldn't judge, I don't know what it's like. But she complained the whole time she was pregnant too, and has said she's definitely not having anymore. I feel like unfriending her but she's married to my DHs best mate! :dohh:

How has your first month back TTC been? I'll keep everything crossed for you! That's another reason why I love this site - hopefully we can inject some excitement and hope back into TTC!


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## beemeck

bronte - welcome! I also love the name :) and roller derby - how cool!! I'm so sorry to hear about your journey and I'm sending you some digital hugs! :hugs: I also suffered an ectopic although it was a cervical one (baby implanted in cervix, not my tubes). It occurred on our first try for a baby and now a year later, still nothing. I have my first appt with a fertility specialist next week though and it's good that you seem to have a plan as well! It's so tough to judge when to TTC - some people get pregnant so quick and others it takes forever. Or like me, a mix of both! :wacko: We've already discussed beginning to try immediately after having our first because I never want to go through this long wait again. :nope:

clarinet - welcome too :hugs: I'm so sorry for your loss - all of us here understand how you feel though. Gosh, it's so hard losing our firsts. another child would make a great distraction for the sadness, I feel. And all of the scary "what ifs". but please join us in this journey - hopefully we can all offer each other some comfort. 

seems like all of us have pregnancies in our lives mirroring our own. I guess that comes with the territory though of being prime baby making age. My two cousins and I were all due EXACTLY four weeks apart, with me being last. Boy, was it hard to welcome those babies into the world knowing that mine would never come. Les - you are totally right about the summer being tough for you. My EDD time was the toughest time I probably ever had to get through. I can't even explain it. I really hope you are pregnant by then because I know I felt empty on top of literally empty. :cry:

I'm actually feeling good about this cycle - my hail mary cycle before the fertility clinic. I wonder if the HSG cleared the way and perhaps I'll get my natural BFP afterall? Hey - a girl can dream. :blush:


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## lesondemavie

Clarinet - So sorry for your loss :hugs:. Just a small group here so far, but glad you feel welcomed :). It's bittersweet welcoming anyone to this little group of ours, but we're happy to have you to support you and also looking forward to some support from you as well. Do you play clarinet? I haven't played in a long while, but I miss it dearly. I'm sure you read that this is my first cycle back trying too. I'll be joining you in that tww soon. Were you regular right after the mc? When is AF due for you? Based on my usual cycles, I should know one way or the other by end of month, but I'd be shocked if it happened that fast. A big hug :hugs2: on all the announcements and coworkers and such. I'm right there with you. I supervise a girl who is due in June. She's got such a beautiful bump now and she complains about being pg all of the time. I'd take it all just to have my baby back...but that can't happen, so onward to making baby #2.

Oh MrsU that stinks! My Dh's best friend and his wife should just be trying now. I know I'll be crushed if they announce and we're still trying. She knows about the mc though, so I'm sure she'll be sensitive to that. Opks have always been easy for me. The first cycle I tested 2-3x/day starting from cd5 just bc I had short cycles and no clue when I'd O or how long my surge would last. I actually ended up getting positives in the am on cd11 all the way to the am on cd13, but the darkest opk was the am on cd12. Since then I just test 1x/day usually in the pm (but am is usually darker) starting on cd10. I've caught it every single time since starting to ttc, but I've only had 2 days of positives once since :shrug:. I think that's a good idea with the temping though. Leave it behind you and just enjoy you little escape :)

Bronte - Roller derby! How exciting. How'd you get involved in that? Ugh I hate how long it takes to get those appointments, but May is right around the corner. We'll try to help April and the rest of March just fly by for you (or skate by? :haha:). Are you still trying for a natural BFP in the meantime just in case?

Bee - I'm hoping and dreaming for you for this month right along with you! 5 DPO your LO could be implanting now or soon in exactly the right spot :thumbup:. I know my baby wasn't alive when we saw him or her, but seeing our little gremlin cuddle up on the right exactly where I thought he or she would be was still such a special moment. I wouldn't take any of it back ever. I know you'll get there and beyond one way or another :hugs:

AFM: CD11 and still a -opk. If I'm going to O on cd12 like usual it should be positive by tonight *sigh*. Fingers crossed!


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## lesondemavie

...and another announcement for a September baby :cry:...we could have all had babies around the same time...it makes me so mad that this happened to us. I threw my phone (at the bed) when I saw the pictures. Crazy right? Anger is my least favorite emotion. I haven't felt much of it yet, so I suppose it's time *sigh*. Maybe I need to stay off of Facebook for a while.


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## beemeck

so sorry les - but we understand! I remember when it was end of first trimester time for my EDD and everyone posted their December babies at once. It was crazy. You know, it doesn't even get easier in time for me. Adorable announcements are popping up so frequently and even though their due dates don't have any correlation with my loss, I still think "I could have gotten pregnant that month and announced now". Sometimes it just feels like constant insult to injury. :cry:


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## mrs unicorn

Oh Leson hunny that's so awful, wish I could give you a :hugs: It's so cruel, the last thing you need right now. So sorry. Xx


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## BronteForever

Thanks so much for all the kind words ladies. It's great you know lots of success stories on IVF. I'm almost 36 so I know that's not in my favor, but there still seems to be a decent success rate at that age.

We are still trying naturally and would love a natural BFP, which would save some money! I'm in the same boat as you Bee and hopefully that the HSG might have cleaned some stuff out. My HSG was horrible, so if I could get some good out of it by cleaning stuff up, I'd be grateful!

Mrs. Unicorn - it is so hard to hear other people complaining so much about pregnancy and parenthood, especially after a loss. That's completely normal and you should let yourself feel that way. My loss happened in 2009 and despite the years, it still frustrates me too. I allow myself to get angry and then I take a big breathe, look at things from their perspective since I know they don't mean harm and just don't think about it, and then try to move on. It definitely helps!

Clarinet - welcome. Fingers crossed you get good news. So sorry for your loss. 

Bee - I'm not too familiar with cervical ectopics, but it sounds bad. Did you have to have surgery to remove the pregnancy or did they give you medicine. I hope you are all healed up at least physically from it. I know the mental stuff takes much longer. Good luck with your RE appointment. As I mentioned I'm also hoping the HSG helped cleaned some stuff up. Seems to be helpful for alot of people, depending on what your issues are. Good luck! Please share how your appointment goes. I'd love to get some inside tips or questions to ask, since mine isn't until May. 

Les - so sorry to hear that. Anger is good! Though. Throw anything you want or better yet get a punching bag. It's honestly good to get out. That's probably part of the reason I discovered roller derby. It's better than bottling it up. Just don't hurt yourself! The month when you were due will be very hard. There's no getting around it. But it's great you have support here and from your spouse, that will help. And trust me it gets easier after that. It's still hard of course. You will never forget, you lost something very important to you and you will always grieve the "what ifs," but you're stronger than you think and you will get through it (as will all of you!). And there's nothing wrong with taking a Facebook break!!


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## Clarinet90

Thanks for all of the replies and welcomes! Hello Bee, Mrs.Unicorn and Bronte! I'm glad to have some people that understand and know what I'm going through. 

Les, it can be frustrating when people we know, especially people we work with complain about being pregnant. One of my coworkers constantly brings being pg up whenever I'm around. We work in the same building, but on different sides, so I don't see her often, but I swear EVERY time I see her she has to mention something about being pregnant. I'm not sure if she does it with everyone or if she is kind of rubbing it in. I don't think she'd do it on purpose though. For example, she was asking if we had anymore decaf coffee. When I said no she said, "Aaah that sucks, because I can only have decef since I'm pregnant." 

Like I didn't know already. Geez. 

I do play clairinet! I've played for 14 years. I'm not in a group currently because I'm so busy, but I still make sure to play often to keep my skills. 

It took me almost 12 weeks to get my period after the mc. I actually thought I was pregnant because pg tests were coming out positive and with super strong lines. It turned out that my hcg levels were just dropping incredibly slow. When I finally did get my period it was pretty normal, which I am thankful for. AF is supposed to be due on the 24th, but who knows when it will ACTUALLY show up. IF it shows up ;) 
Crossing my fingers!


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## BronteForever

Man, people can be so clueless when they are pregnant. I was in the operating room about to have surgery for my ectopic pregnancy and the pregnant nurse and her co-workers started talking about when she was due. I kid you not this actually happened while laying on a hard operating room table. I hadn't even gotten the meds to knock me out yet. Talk about insensitive. But if they have never experienced a loss I'm assuming they just don't think to filter themselves at all. 

Clarinet - that had to be incredibly hard to get your hopes up again right after a loss just to find out it's just dropping hcg levels. Glad everything has evened out. Good luck this month ladies.


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## BronteForever

Man, people can be so clueless when they are pregnant. I was in the operating room about to have surgery for my ectopic pregnancy and the pregnant nurse and her co-workers started talking about when she was due. I kid you not this actually happened while laying on a hard operating room table. I hadn't even gotten the meds to knock me out yet. Talk about insensitive. But if they have never experienced a loss I'm assuming they just don't think to filter themselves at all. 

Clarinet - that had to be incredibly hard to get your hopes up again right after a loss just to find out it's just dropping hcg levels. Glad everything has evened out. Good luck this month ladies.


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## Clarinet90

Oh my gosh, Bronte, that is terrible! I can't imagine having to go through that while just about to have surgery. How were you able to keep yourself composed? I would have lost it. 

I tried not to get my hopes up too much, really. I was going to be happy if pregnant again, but if not I was ready to be able to move forward. I cried after I found out the numbers dropped, but like I said, it was a relief to be able to move on with life.


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## mrs unicorn

Oh my days, what? Some people are so insensitive! Like you say I'm sure they don't mean it but come on. Most people we know have been ok so far. Obviously you get the strange things people say to try and make you feel better when they really don't. I can kind of forgive that because if you've never experienced this it's hard to imagine how someone is feeling. It has made me gasp at times though. I'm more bothered that all our parents know we're TTC now. For years we've had the 'when are you two gona have babies' and now they all know we're trying I just hope we don't get asked every month. Infact once someone has asked I've decided I'm going to politely ask them to not bring it up again and we'll let them know when there's something to tell. I know it's done out of excitement but it's going to be difficult enough emotionally for us without that. On a good note, we haven't actually dtd, but almost...if you get me :blush: it feels so good to get a bit of our normal selves back!!!

Where abouts are you both in your cycles?

Leson sweetie, I'm thinking of you. I'm sorry I have no words. Just hope you're ok. Xxx


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## BronteForever

I'm not entirely sure how I managed not to lose it. I remember looking off into space and trying to ignore them. But by that point I was in shock that I was even there and probably wasn't all there mentally. My dealings with the hospital at that point were a long story unto itself, since they did not believe my tube had ruptured yet and sent me home, where I proceeded to bleed internally the entire night and didn't trust my gut something was wrong because I thought I was overreacting and had pseudo-signs (like pain in my arms from the blood loss) because I was reading about it and figured I had to be imagining it since they said it hadn't ruptured yet. It was a very traumatic experience for me all around, and probably one of the reasons I waited 3 years to start trying again. I was not only sad about the loss but worried that I could have died and what would another pregnancy do. This stuff is always hard to deal with!

Anyway, I'm currently in my TWW.

Clarinet - sometimes the waiting is the hardest part, so that's great you just got right back up and were able to move forward!

Mrs. Unicorn - In my experience once people know you have suffered a loss, they don't bring up the "when are you going to have kids" question. So I hope you all don't have to deal with that still ladies. But it does come up from those that don't know. So maybe it is a blessing now that close family know you are trying for kids.


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## lesondemavie

I'm still pretty depressed over everything today, but thank you all for the kind thoughts &#10084;&#65039;

Bronte - How scary and awful! I'm glad you came out the other side ok. Completely makes sense that you needed time before getting back to ttc.

Clarinet - I've heard of leftover hcg giving false hope after mc. So sorry you had to go through that. It scares me, but my tests are stark white now so hoping it won't be an issue for me.

MrsU - I think being direct is a good idea. We can only handle so much.

I'm getting all sorts of O signs over here but opk is still negative. Usually my mood is better around O too, but this is probably just something that no amount of hormones can undo. Hoping the weekend with DH revives me, and that I find a way to relax this first tww back.


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## Clarinet90

Unicorn, I am on day 23. Unfortunately I don't know exactly when I ovulated since I don't temp, but according to a bunch of ovulation tracker apps I have, I should have ovulated last week sometime. On Sunday or Monday night (great, now I don't remember) I had some cramping on my left side that would creep into the middle and sometimes the right. I normally don't cramp until the day of my period so it was either ovulation or implantation, I'm not sure at all. It lasted all day and then kept getting stronger as the day went on and into the night and lasted until the end of the next day. I haven't ever felt something like that. The next day I wore a pad to see if there was any discharge, and there was some brown spotts, so I'm hoping it was implantation!

Of course after getting on google I was even more confused about which it was. I was reading that a lot of women feel ovulation cramps more after a miscarriage, so idk. We'll see in a while. I'm not testing until the 25th when AF is supposed to be here. 

Waiting sucks. 


Thankfully people haven't been asking me about having kids, but the only people who knew i was pregnant were my coworkers. I remember telling one coworker to let them all know I DIDN'T want to talk about it and to not even bring it up. Thankfully they all respected that. I wouldn't have been able to handle them asking if I was okay. I'm somebody that bursts into tears at that question. 

Bronte, I totally understand your fear and why you wanted 3 years to try again. That is so scary. How are you trying to occupy your time while in the TWW? It's hard!!

I'm sorry you are feeling down today, les. It can be hard some days to think about anything but the loss. :(


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## lesondemavie

Oh MrsU - DH and I did the same thing before I confirmed O last cycle. Glad you are both reconnecting :)

Still on my opk madness here. It's still not positive, but it looks like it's getting there right? Fingers crossed that it's dark by morning. Then I'm just slightly behind and still in for what I hope is a usual cycle for me!


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## mrs unicorn

I'd say it's starting up Leson! Fx it's gets darker quickly.

So here are mine - flippin whiff of a line on hpt :growlmad: and the beginnings of a line on opk. I'm thinking that hcg is probably making it darker than it should be, although they were lighter earlier in the week. I'm running out of opks now, my new batch will take a few days to arrive I think. So I'll use them up then stop this cycle.
 



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## mrs unicorn

And opk. Couldn't figure out how to add 2 pictures! I'm experimenting with the best time of day to do them. This was fmu, I've heard you shouldn't use fmu so ill do another later this afternoon.
 



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## mrs unicorn

So leson has inspired me to try my hand at baking (I'm rubbish, DH is the baker) but here is this mornings attempt at cashew, cranberry and white choc chip cookies! Not a bad effort! (Yes there is a filter on this pic! And yes the patterned plate and rolling pin are there as a distraction :haha: )
 



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## lesondemavie

They look yummy MrsU! Try not to get too frustrated. You're nearly there. I had a squinter on an hpt on cd14, and I believe I O'd just 4-5 days after that. My LP was just 1-2 days longer than usual. Everything was just about a week behind. My temp today is just about exactly what it was on cd13 for my BFP cycle. I haven't done another opk yet this morning, but I will soon.

I also can't do more than 1 photo on my phone. I can from my conputer though.


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks leson, they are yummy! DH has eaten about 8 already. Such a sweet tooth he has!

Soooooo we bd :happydance: kinda wasn't planning on NTNP but :blush: It was good, kind of a relief too. No signs of o but, whatever! All I'm hoping for is it to happen before September.

Any update on the opk Leson? *Frantically tries to work out what time it is in Cali!!*


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## lesondemavie

Hooray for ntnp!

Haha it's 11 am here :)

Here are my tests from last night and this morning. Nearly there I'd say but still negative *pulls out all my hair*. I said I was just going to temp no opks and look at me now :haha:


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## mrs unicorn

I think I said the same! :haha:

Do you normally get a slow build up or go from fully - to blazing +? I only managed to do them successfully on one cycle (the first TTC) and there was no build up on that one. It went from very - to very + then the following morning was a bit lighter but pretty much +


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## lesondemavie

No, this slow build up is unusual for me. Once they start to darken like this it usually peaks and drops pretty fast.


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## mrs unicorn

Hmmm that's frustrating. And there's no way you could have missed it? Just looking at the temp dip you had on cd10...


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## lesondemavie

No way I missed it I've been testing far too often! I seriously need someone to come over and lock up my tests!


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## mrs unicorn

I get it though, you need to know otherwise it'd drive you mad! I guess we gotta try and be patient. X


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## BronteForever

You both look like you are about to get a positive. Good luck! I had to stop temping and testing since I was getting obsessed as well. I probably need to go back to it since now I just chart everything on an app. 

And the cookies look yummy. I'm trying to lose weight over here so I'm back to better eating and starting a new fitness plan on Monday to help.


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## lesondemavie

...and the saga (and obsession) continues...getting pretty close!



I saw this, and since O-1 has the highest rates, decided to bd one last time this afternoon. I had opened our front door to get some air, and so we closed it before getting busy. Turns out our smallest cat must have been there stuck between the door and the screen. In the middle of dtd, we heard a knock at our door and ignored it. Turns out our cat clawed her way through our screen and was on our patio crying her head off. Our neighbors got her and put her in their garage with a litter box, food, and water. When we finished, we couldn't find her and we saw the door covered in fur and the screen scratched through, we panicked. We knocked on our neighbors door, and they brought us to her. When we brought her back inside, she was shaking a bit and she demolished a can of wet food like there was no more food coming, but she seems ok now. DH is beside himself. We can't let baby making get in the way of taking care of the little fur babies we have now! :wacko:

Bronte - That's awesome that you're starting a new fitness plan. Is it a particular plan/diet or more of a general one?


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## BronteForever

Oh Les I'm trying not to laugh because it's kind of funny that happened while you were dtd. Too funny. But I would be beside myself too if I accidentally locked out our fur child. Though he's a much bigger dog so can't imagine him getting caught in between the doors . 

It definetly looks like your lines are getting darker. 

I'm doing the 21 Day Fix by Beach Body. I've done a few of there other things but haven't tried this one yet.


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## wantingagirl

I don't know if I fit in here ive had my 3rd loss and 2 in a row. 

I do have kids I'm so desperate to have my last 

Good luck ladies xxx


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## lesondemavie

Hooray :happydance::thumbup::yipee::wohoo::yipee::dance::headspin:



I feel like this is another milestone towards moving on. Now to see what my LP does *bites nails*. AF expected at end of month, trying to hold out until 4/2 to test if the witch is a no show. Not counting on it, but you never know!

Wanting - I've seen you around on some other threads and I'm so very sorry for your losses :hugs:. We all here know the pain of losing a baby that is very much wanted and already loved. I started this thread because I was having a hard time figuring out where I fit after my MMC. I would never want to exclude anyone who needed support and wanted to give it freely. If you feel like you can find that here, then I, for one, welcome you with open arms.


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## BronteForever

Awesome news Les. That's wonderful your cycle seems to have bounced back to normal. Fingers crossed for you!

Welcome Wanting. That's so many losses to deal with and has to be so hard. Hang in there.


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## mrs unicorn

Wahoo les! Awesome opk there! You're making me think I need to test like 3 times a day. I've not bothered past 1/2pm!

Bronte - I'm supposed to be getting into some kind of healthy eating/exercise combo but it's not happening! I will eventually, maybe in a couple of weeks!

Welcome wanting. I've seen you around on this site too. So sorry for your losses, one is too many in my opinion so I can't imagine the amount of heartbreak you have gone through. :hugs:

AFM - think I need to step up the opks!! Temps don't show ov so it's good that I haven't missed it. Have you seen my temps though? It's like you can see when my body has tried, so weird (not actually sure that's true but it would make sense)


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## lesondemavie

Oh and bronte, please feel free to laugh. It was a comedy of errors. I'm still baffled that there was space there for her. We'll be much more careful in future!


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## wantingagirl

You are all so lovely - it is really hard and a lot is unknown but I have my procedure soon at least. 

I just didn't want to step on anyone's toes or rub anything in so I didn't know if I would be welcome xxxx


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## Clarinet90

Hello ladies! And welcome Wantingagirl. 

I think this TWW has been really helpful to distract me from my sadness. Either that, or things just keep healing day by day, or both! 

Today I am 11dpo according to my calculator. I wish I knew for sure!! I am resisting the urge to test. Not having an pg tests makes that easier. ;) I might have to buy a cheap one tonight though just for fun. 

I have been having mild cramps off and on for the past week and they seem to feel a little stronger today, so not sure if AF is making her way to town or if uterus is stretching. I felt this cramping when I was pg before, but i'm not getting my hopes up. AF is scheduled for the 23-25, hoping she stays away. I'm so nervous and excited. The wait is unbearable!!


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## BronteForever

Clarinet - we are due for AF around the same time. Good luck to you! Glad you are finding the TWW distracting for you. Still allowing yourself to grieve is important but sometimes focusing on the future is helpful in that process. 

Wanting - what procedure are you having?


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## mrs unicorn

10am with a 1 HR hold! :happydance::happydance: this was after 5 mins though, I get distracted waiting for them! So gona do another in a few hours, hopefully it'll be a blazing + straight away

Oooh good luck girls. Any symptoms or are you trying to avoid the craziness of symptom spotting? Are you gona be testing or waiting it out?
 



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## lesondemavie

Temp rise for me this am just as expected! Fingers crossed for a normalish LP.

Hooray MrsU! Great opk. I think 5 is in the test window yea? Mine say to wait 10 minutes, but at peak I can see the line as soon as that area gets wet (no patience necessary). Who would have thought we'd be cycle buddies this time around! I'll probably be ok this first week, but around implantation time I'll start to get impatient and maybe even a bit nervous this time around.

Clarinet - Glad you're feeling better. It probably is a bit of both. Hope the cramping is a good sign and the witch stays away! Looking forward to your updates!


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## mrs unicorn

That's a great temp rise Leson! And yes fx for a good lp.

I'm not classing myself in the TWW this cycle. We're supposed to be NTNP but I'm very tempted to get on with it! Unfortunately we had some 'fun' this morning but no bd (I was trying to be all casual about it) but now I wish I'd jumped him!!!! :haha:


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## BronteForever

Ha, Mrs. Unicorn! That's a great line. At least it looks like your cycle is back to normal. 

I don't have any symptoms at all, but I would be shocked if I got pregnant this month given what my tests revealed. I've been having pains for the past two weeks since my HSG test, so I'm preparing myself for a devilish period. But hopefully it cleans a bunch of stuff out and I'll feel like a new woman with a bright, shiny uterus


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - I've seen some success after hsg. You never know. Worth a shot. So much love and hope your way.

Bee - I think your appointment is today yea? Hope all goes well!


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## BronteForever

Yes Bee, I hope your first RE appointment goes well and you can get some answers or a clear direction of where to go from here. Good luck! I'd love to hear how it went.

And Les, you are such a sweetie! I starting spotting a bit today, which has been happening before my periods for awhile. So I don't think that's good news. But totally expected. I think the HSG test can help for a few months though, which is good.


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## mrs unicorn

Bee - hope you're appointment went well?

Bronte - 'bright shiny uterus' I love that! I kind of feel like that after the ERPC! But urgh I hope it's not af on her way for you.

We're away at the moment (pic of a beautiful Scottish loch from our balcony below) but I'll be checking in to see how we're all doing!
 



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## lesondemavie

Bronte: if it is the witch glad to hear it can help for a while :)

MrsU: that's gorgeous! Thanks for sharing. Your temp rise is looking good.

AFM: 3 DPO and I'm not loving my temps. Usually they're a bit higher around now.


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## beemeck

hi girls - thanks for thinking of me and asking about my appt :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I wrote up a long description in my journal if you want to check it out! It was definitely a whirlwind day! they mean business! 

mrsu - love the pic! enjoy your getaway! 

les - so nice to see you in the TWW again :hugs:

bronte - hopefully your appt will sneak up on your before you know it! I think you will find the RE really helpful and wanting to get you pregnant asap! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## BronteForever

Mrs. U. the Scottish loch looks beautiful! How exciting for you.

Bee - so glad your appointment went well and you are moving forward!!


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## mrs unicorn

Bee - awesome news! Here's to getting some (good) results!!

Bronte & clarinet - how are you, any more signs of af?

Leson - don't be too discouraged with your temps. Each cycle can vary and I bet each bfp cycle would vary too (along with symptoms etc) I know it's hard not to compare though. I've already fallen into the trap of comparing my symptoms to my bfp cycle, and I'm not even supposed to be TTC!! ( btw you know the iPhone stores frequently visited sites on a tab on your homepage - dya know what it added today, your FF chart Leson! :haha: I'm so nosey!)

I'm patiently waiting for my CHs in FF. What dya reckon it'll go for cd18, 19, 20?

Here's another pic (last one!) that's our hotel.
 



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## BronteForever

Still spotting, so not looking good. However, I did get a bit of good news today in that my RE had a cancellation, so I'm now going in next Tuesday. I'm excited to get talking about options sooner!


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## beemeck

Bronte that's awesome !!! Hooray I'm so exited for you ! We will be buddies :)


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## mrs unicorn

That's great news bronte! :happydance: (the RE apt, not spotting)


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## lesondemavie

Haha MrsU! We really are in this together! Stalk away :)

Hooray for the earlier appointment bronte!


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## mrs unicorn

So I've got my CHs. FF reckons cd18 but I think it was cd19. I had an instant +opk on cd19 in the morning. Even when I take it out of FF it still keeps it at cd18. Oh well at least I know it was one of those 2 days. But urgh, at least 15 days to wait for me now :coffee: 6th of April is sooooo far away!


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - Is that the temp where your ch usually rests? Seems like there are too many pre-O temps above it.

My temp went way up today. So strange! Temps are all over the place this cycle. Ah well, it's nearly the weekend, we'll have plenty of distractions and then it will just be a few days until I can test.


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## mrs unicorn

So FF moved my o day when I put in today's temp. Makes a bit more sense now I think. They often hover around .50/.60 for a couple of days post o and then increase to around .70/.80 at 5/6 DPO. Although I never temped on my bfp cycle so who knows what went on there. Leson, were your temps hugely different on your bfp cycle? And yes that's a lovely temp rise! At what DPO are you planning on testing?


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## lesondemavie

Yes that's where I thought your ch should be too MrsU.

My BFP cycle temps were about the same. They were really flat, but I figured out that my thermometer was just not working right. my chart did go triphasic, but not until after my BFP at 10 DPO. I'm testing on Wednesday at 10 DPO. That would be just 1 day before AF is due, but who knows what my LP will do. I think it will be good to see a bfn then. That way I won't get too excited if AF is a no show the next day.

How is everyone else doing?

Clarinet and bronte are you still waiting for AF?

Bronte your appointment is so close now! Are you taking it easy til then?

Bee - How are you doing? I saw this cycle will be an unmedicated IUI. Fx that's all you need!

Wanting - hope you're well <3


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## BronteForever

Wow you ladies have this down to a science. I never had luck with temping probably because I'd always forget to do it before I started moving around in the morning. However I hope your temps are all good news and that you ladies get a BFP this cycle!!!

My spotting is heavier now and redder so likely AF now. No shock though. I am super excited for my appointment but a bit nervous. I had prepared myself for May so now I have to get my head around possibly earlier. I have a feeling I'm going to be told I need to lose weight though since I've put on quite a bit since TTC. But I'm working on it. Plus I have no idea how we are going to pay for everything so I'm really curious to talk to the financial people. I know they offer packages if you qualify. It's a bit stressful though and it's annoying insurance won't cover anything.


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## mrs unicorn

5 DPO here and what's with my temps? Anyone know anything about almost flat line temps? Not experienced this before and it's bugging me, why isn't anything happening?!

Bronte - is your appointment Tuesday? I hope you manage to sort something out financially. It seems so wrong that TTC can be ridiculously expensive. As if it isn't hard enough already without that kind of stress.

How is everyone?


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## BronteForever

Happy Easter ladies, for those that celebrate. 

Hope everyone is doing alright. Several of you should be testing soon so I'm really excited to see results. 

Mrs. U - I don't know much about temps. As mentioned mine were always all over the place but I was super bad about not testing right away in the morning. Hopefully someone else has a good answer to help. 

My appointment is Tuesday. I'm super excited but nervous. It is frustrating that finances have to play a part of it. Luckily my parents have offered to loan us some but it's still overwhelming. Plus there's lots of financing options to choose from and it feels like gambling. And given my luck with gambling, we are likely to be the ones to pay way over and not end up with a kid. Grrr. It's stressful and I haven't even talked to the doctor yet.


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## mrs unicorn

A few ladies have said they had flat line temps with their bfps so that's good. Not that I think I am but it's good to know it doesn't mean the opposite! I keep waking up at 5am needing the loo so I've been taking it then before I get out of bed. Wondering if that's why they are on the low side. I feel pretty much out this cycle anyway. I've been in such a grump the past couple of days. It occurred to me the other day that we've been on the TTC journey 7 months next month. Now I know that's nothing to some people, and I feel a bit bad about moaning about it, but now I feel like we're back a square one. Back at the beginning of those 6/7 months. Don't know if I can do it all again, I'm exhausted. But I guess I'm going to anyway.

Bronte - try to not stress yourself out too much. I hope things are clearer and you feel happier once you've discussed the finances as well as everything else. Think positive too! I'm sure you will get your baby soon. It's a big step so I'm sure it's normal to feel nervous, but it's the right step. Xx


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## BronteForever

Oh, then that could definitely be promising Mrs. U. good luck!!! No matter how long you have been trying for it's still frustrating and exhausting at every stage. The waiting is horrible. Hang in there!

Thanks for the encouraging words too!


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## melissakate

Hi everyone. I am sorry to be joining this and that this group even has to exist. Loss is hard! 

A little about me: Me (28) DH (30), together since 2006- married 2014. Started TTC #1 June 2015. BFP Sept 2015. MMC November 4th 2015 (D&C)

Took a small break around the holidays and really started trying again in January. 

Happened to have my yearly last month around ovulation, so my OB did a follicle scan. Tri layer lining with a 24mm follicle. She said it was perfect for ovulation and implantation yet here I am... on to the next month :nope:. I had an extremely short period this month (3 days) so I am now cycle day 4. 

It's getting to be a struggle and I'm starting to think something is wrong... Sorry to hear about all your losses and I am praying for major baby dust to all!

Melissa


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## BronteForever

Welcome to the group, Melissa. So sorry to hear about your loss. This process is definitely hard and it's easy to think something is wrong. But it can take some time for everything to even out after a miscarriage, so try not to worry at all yet (easier said then done, I know). Good luck to you!


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## lesondemavie

Welcome Melissa! While it is a very sad thing that brings us all together, I'm glad we can all gather here to find and offer support. I'm so sorry for your loss. It took me 6 cycles to get my first little baby that we lost. It can be perfectly normal fir it to take that long or longer. There's so much chance involved and the human reproductive system with a 20% chance each cycle gets a solid F. I know that sinking feeling you're getting though. I had it then and have it now as I near the end of our first cycle back. My ob seems unconcerned. I hope for your sake that nothing is wrong and this cycle is the lucky one :hugs:

To everyone - I'm so sorry I've been MIA recently. Yesterday was just a really tough day for me. I'm sure you all have them and understand. I will be sure to update you all when I test later this week.

Bronte - So much love your way!!! I hope you walk away from your appointment tomorrow armed with new information and hopeful for the future <3

MrsU - I started this journey 8 months ago. I'm right there with you. We are in this together, and I can't wait for the time that we can both share a photo of our precious babies.


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## mrs unicorn

Welcome Melissa :wave: yeah it is awful that this place needs to exist, but like the others say, we all understand what each other is going through and can offer support. I think I would feel very alone without it. Sorry things are so frustrating. The waiting around for things to happen feels like a lifetime however long it is. I also understand about fearing something is wrong. When we had the MMC everyone said 'the positive to take from this is that you can both conceive' I try to see it like that but then the doubt creeps in. We can but it didn't last very long so..... It's a vicious circle.

Bronte - good luck with your appointment today! Can't wait to hear about it. Xx

Leson - thanks love. Feeling a bit better today. For some reason both DH and I were down about it all yesterday. Was good to talk it through with him. Hope you're ok :hugs:

AFM 7dpo - not much to report. Usual cramping, bbs don't hurt (one of my bfp signs) but my skin is good (I broke out badly with the bfp) oh and my temps are so lazy!! It's making me laugh now. Convinced it hasn't happened but I still be testing fri/sat, that is if my ICs turn up, flippin bank holiday isn't it! :coffee::coffee::coffee:


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## BronteForever

It is sad there has to be a group like this. However, I suffered in silence and by myself for many years and wished I would have joined something like this along time ago. So kudos to you ladies!! 

Unless you have someone to talk to that has been through something similar it can be a challenge. It's great that we can support each other. Not that many people in my life knew about my husband and I's ectopic, but the ones that did weren't incredibly supportive. Many of them tried to be sympathetic with words like, "at least you weren't further along." Grrrr. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would have been if I was further along and had to deal with a stillborn birth or a death after the child was born. However, hearing that makes you feel like what you experienced wasn't still painful and it is. So much!! You are not only grieving the loss of a child (granted a very tiny one, but still something very special and important to you), the "what ifs" of what that child would have been, the uncertainty of your future fertility, and sometimes the anger of your body letting you down or any number of other things. That pain is very real and shouldn't be diminished by anyone, even yourself.


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## beemeck

hi girls!


welcom melissa - so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find a little bit of piece with the understanding that we can offer you. It definitely helped me to know that I wasn't alone. :hugs: And I also understand the fear. It's been a year since our loss but I can honestly say that I knew immediately that something wasn't right afterward. I hope that isn't the case for you though and I hope your BFP is right around the corner. 

Bronte - your appt is today, right?! EEK! keep us posted and good luck!! :hugs:

unicorn - my temps always flatline in the tww - it's crazy! I have a 4 digit thermometer and yet I will consistently get the same temp (98.29) at least 6 times in the tww. and it's not my thermometer either because my post O temps are always so rocky. I guess I just have a steady stream of progesterone :shrug::haha: good luck to you!

les - keeping my fingers super crossed for you!!! temps look great and I'm so excited for you to test!! 

I'm starting my femara tonight. I'm really nervous. I'm nervous that I'll have too many mature follies and we will have to cancel this cycle. I'm also nervous that I'll have three and they will all get fertilized. I need to stop being nervous about this because all I've wanted this whole time is to have a baby! my first US is going to be next Friday. hoping I'll have 2 good follies and can trigger then and do the IUI on Sunday. eeek!


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## mrs unicorn

Oh my gosh bee that's so exciting!!! It's all happening and I'm so pleased for you. Totally normal to feel nervous, it's because you want it so much! Keep us posted. Xx


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## melissakate

You guys are all so amazing. I already feel part of the group. It has been rough suffering in silence. People are sad for you at first and then they are over it in a week and you're still dealing with the loss. This group is great.

it will take me a little bit to learn everyone's stories and places in their TTC journey and cycles but I'm excited to have a place to come to and talk things out. 

Bronte-good luck in your appt! :flower:

Les- I know what you mean. I always have so much hope and positive energy at the beginning of my cycle and start to get some doubt at the end. I'll be thinking of you as you near test day!:hugs:

beemeck- nervous is a good thing :) it means your taking a risk to go after what you want and deserve! I'll say some prayers for you on Sunday!

Thanks for letting me join in! Hope everyone has a great day.


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## BronteForever

Good luck Bee. I think it would be strange if you weren't nervous. There's so much unknown especially because it's your first IUI. You have a really good shot of it working though especially since your cervix is likely your issue. Fingers crossed!!

So my appointment went really well. No big surprises at all. IVF and surgery to repair the tubes are pretty much our only options. Surgery is not likely to be successful and there's much higher risk for ectopic (we'd pretty much ruled out the surgery option before going in, this just confirmed it). So it's onto IVF!!! 

He thinks I have a great shot with it since all our tests look good, and our main issue are my tubes. Before we can start I have to have one more ultrasound next week to help confirm there isn't fluid in the tube and he needs to get the actual slides from the HSG test instead of the report. I also have to redo one of the blood tests (can't remember which) and if it's bad again he might have to do an MRI of the pituitary gland. Also to apply for the shared-risk financing options I do need to get my BMI down which I knew. But I only need to lose about the 10 pounds I gained last month, so totally achievable. However more weight I think it could help, though they didn't once mention it there. So once we get that all done we are good to go. 

Now the only barrier is cost. My husband is always the one that gets stressed about money more and while it is more than we were planning (primarily because he highly recommend genetic testing to improve our chances), I think it's still doable. My husband is going through the tenure process right now at work and perfect timing wise if everything proceeds he should get a raise in July/August that would be enough to cover monthly payments for anything we finance. So while more money is never fun, I do feel blessed we can even consider it.


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## lesondemavie

Ah bronte it seems like a lot I'm sure, but I'm so very glad you can see your path forward! I'm so very hopeful and excited for you <3

Bee!!! Fx that you have exactly the perfect number this cycle and you can pull the trigger! Can't wait to see your BFP, bump, and beautiful baby in the year to come :dust:

MrsU - you just need temps above ch! Looking good :thumbup:

Mel - thanks for understanding :hugs:

Wednesday is nearly here! We'll see what my temp is tomorrow. If it drops, I may just wait for AF. If it stays up, I'll test. Hoping for a clear sign one way or the other. Thankfully I have a busy work day that's starting off early with training new hires (one of my fav things to do!). Should be nice and distracted regardless of the result.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - that's sounds really good and exciting! I'm sure it's a lot to take in, and I understand about the money worries. It'll all be worth it in the end!

Leson - fx for a good temp and well done for not poas yet!

I had a temp rise today. Not reading too much into it but I'm happy it's up where it often is post o. Itching to test but 8 DPO is too early (not that that has ever stopped me before)


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## lesondemavie

...And down goes my temp right on schedule. AF should follow soon...usually a day after the temp drop which would give me my usual LP so happy about that. Happy to be out of limbo and looking forward to our date night Friday to celebrate the next chance.


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## beemeck

melissa - glad you feel welcomed and supported. that's what we all are here for ! :hugs:

bronte - wow! what an informative visit. it's so overwhelming at first, even though you pretty much prepare yourself for exactly what to doc tells you (at least for me lol!). I'm glad that IVF IS an option for you and it seems that there should be no barriers in that working right away! can't wait to join you on this journey. 

unicorn - I'm always happy when my temp goes up! it's just too hard not to be :haha:

les - so sorry about that temp drop (holy temp drop it is btw!) but glad that you have date night lined up already. DH and I are doing a date night on Friday too! Although I was thinking I should plan a little something silly for April Fools :haha:

I started my femara last night. I'm feeling okay about things. I'm literally 50% scared of triplets and 50% scared of BFN. makes no sense. ugh, TTC :dohh:


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## mrs unicorn

Aw Leson sorry about the drop, but like you say, at least you're out of the awful limbo. Great that your lp is back to normal and yey for date night!

Bee, I think anyone would be terrified of triplets!! But fx the femara does its job for you!

AFM - ICs haven't arrived so no testing yet, which is good I think. I'm only 8 DPO! Like I keep saying, it's a long shot this month but id rather know. I'll prob test until 11/12dpo and stop. Man, a 15 day lp feels like an age doesn't it?! I know it's a good thing, but hats off to the women who don't test!


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## BronteForever

Les - sorry about the temp drop, but a date night does sound fun. 

Bee - triplets would be very intense. In some ways I'm actually hoping for twins because my husband only wants 1 child but is okay to implant 2 embryos if it increases chances and would be okay if twins happened. It might be the best shot I have at convincing him to have more than 1. But triplets or more would be very scary and it is a possibility. Really hope that doesn't happen though. There's so much unknown in this process it's very intimidating and unnerving. Good luck hon. Hope you get the perfect amount you need. 

Mrs. U - not too much longer until test day! Yay! Good luck.


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## lesondemavie

Bee - I know about that temp drop right??? At least there's no ambiguity really. I did get the same drop my BFP cycle but my thermometer was acting up. I tested today just in case and bfn it is. Hope I'm not jumping the gun by changing my photo (a tradition I stole from you - but imitation is the greatest form of flattery right?) and enjoying a glass of wine tonight &#128513;. Your wedding photo is BEAUTIFUL btw!!! So jealous of those curls! Also hooray for the all clear to BD to your heart's content! Haha that's actually not a bad idea for April fools. Cheers to date nights! You're treading on uncharted territory for you, so it actually makes complete sense that you're getting such mixed feelings. It's hard to know what to expect. As hard as TTC is, there is a certain rhythm and predictability to it that I find comfort in. I think that's why I don't want to try vitex or b6 to lengthen my LP. I don't like the uncertainty of it. Hopefully though it works the first time and then pregnancy will be the new routine to learn!

MrsU - That sounds like a great plan. There is absolutely still a chance for you this cycle. Fx you'll have a lot of extra tests that you don't need!

Bronte - Hope you're doing well. What is your next step now and when?


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## BronteForever

So is your tradition to change photos to mark the new cycle? If so, I love it. Kind of like a cleansing and a fresh start each month. Love the new photos, girls. Absolutely gorgeous dress, Bee.

Les, so sorry for the negative test. But it sounds like you have a great attitude about it and your positive energy is infectious. 

I have tests next Thursday so I'll know a lot more after that. Still going to try this month--all natural--because it certainly couldn't hurt anything  Just no nipple stimulation before my blood test next week which they were nice enough to remind me about 10 times during my visit. Hopefully I'm not the only one that occasionally finds it hard not to laugh in an RE's office.


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## Clarinet90

Hey ladies! 

I haven't been around to check in with how things are going. I've been busy and I haven't been able to get my laptop out. My phone is able to get on, but typing is so much easier on a computer than a phone. 

Unfortunately, I have bad news to share. Sigh. 

I got a faint positive on a frer last week on the day of my missed period. Of course I was super excited, but also nervous because the line was so faint. I took another test last saturday, and it was still faint. I took a digital and a stick test yesterday and the stick was still faint, but the digital was positive. It said Positive 1-2 weeks. I was so happy to finally have a clear result and was ready to stop buying tests and peeing on sticks. 

Today at work though I started bleeding, and it just kept getting heavier with really severe cramping and clotting. I had a chemical pregnancy since it was just under 5 weeks according to my lmp. 

I am totally heartbroken, but more calm than I was when I miscarried the first time. I was able to hold it together at work, but burst into tears as soon as I walked through the door at home. 

I feel so hopeless and broken and I am just so frustrated that for a 2nd time, I am not able to keep my babies. I was feeling pretty good about it too, I didn't have my feelings of doom, but I did have some worry which was apparently justified. I am so scared to get pregnant again. The pain of losing a pregnancy is so so terrible.


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## BronteForever

Oh Clarinet, huge hugs. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't know anything to say to make you feel better, but just know that you are not alone. Right now it's easy to feel hopeless because you just lost something precious to you. Take all the time you need to process and grieve. And know that when or if you are ready again there are options out there to try to help figure out why you've suffered two losses close together and provide more hope moving forward. Hang in there. I'm so sorry this happened to you again.


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## lesondemavie

Oh clarinet! I'm so very sorry :hugs:. I'm glad that you are doing okay, but I know your heart must be breaking. There are no words really in moments like these. Just know that we are here. We will listen. We share your sadness.


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## Clarinet90

Thank you, ladies.

My heart is breaking, but I know I'll be okay. It's just hard though to be so excited about something just to have it ripped away. We all know the feeling, but it hurts so bad every time. I was really hoping this was it. Now I'm terrified that I'm not going to be able to have children, and today I don't even want to try again. I want to, but it's scary. Idk when we'll try again, but I'm really hoping this is the last time I have to go through this.

I'm glad to have a place to vent and express myself. Thank you all for being so supportive

Time for some wine


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## mrs unicorn

Clarinet, sweetheart, I'm so sorry :hugs::hugs: I really feel for you. The heartbreak is unimaginable but we are all here to listen if you need us. Take lots of time to work through this. I understand your fears about the future but don't even think about trying again just yet, or panic over it. You need to grieve first. My heart goes out to you :hugs:


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## beemeck

thanks les! <3 the curls are not natural and took lots of time and hairspray! :haha: love your new pic too!

bronte - yes - new cycle, new pic, new hope! something like that..... :haha: I wonder if I have enough pics of myself to get me to my baby :winkwink: It was a little corny, but the other day in my fertility yoga class the teacher was talking about spring being the time for new life. Maybe it's because spring already brings out the best in me (I HATE cold and winter) but it kind of resonated with me. New life, new hope, new chances. This is the cycle that I conceived last year. Here's hoping March/April are my lucky months and all of our lucky months! :hugs:

clarinet - my goodness, I am so sorry to hear all that. It doesn't matter how soon/brief it is, when see you that "pregnant" on the test, your life changes. I can't imagine having that happen to me and I wish I could send you hugs (and a bottle of wine) ! :hugs:

My trigger shot is being delivered to my office today :haha: waiting on the fed ex guy like a kid on xmas! :dohh:


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## beemeck

wait les - just saw your chart.......?! What's going on?


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## lesondemavie

Um I know right? Took an frer this morning and BFN. Thinking it could just be from the glass of wine? Guess I'm back in limbo and not out just yet. Will keep you all posted.


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## BronteForever

Les, definitely keep us posted!

Bee - I'm a fan of cheesy and corny during this journey. I think you need a little bit of that to not take this time too seriously. Otherwise you can get ultra focused on TTC. This is also the cycle of my ectopic and it will be 7 years next week. I can't believe it's been that long. I like to do something therapeutic on my surgery anniversary every year. I'm growing my hair to donate it, so I might try to get it cut that day.


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## melissakate

Oh Clarinet- I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how early, the pain is no less. Props to you for keeping it together at work, you're strong!

Les-I hate the "limbo" part. It's worse not knowing than just getting AF and getting pumped and ready for the next month!

I started the clearblue fertility monitor this month and am on day 7. I usually don't ovulate until 16 or 17 (kind of late and I have a 12 day LP). Here's to hoping this expensive thing helps us out! This is month 4 TTC after my D&C. Never gets easier but every month is like a new challenge. I agree, I like the routine of my cycle and get nervous trying all the recommended tips. I have been recommended the Soy Isoflavones, but I also read if you already ovulate regularly, they can mess up a good cycle. Anyone try it before?


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## lesondemavie

Mel - I've read the same but have not tried it for that very reason. I ovulate regularly and it worked before so I'm not going to mess with it.

Sooo I went from feeling really positive to now feeling kinda crampy and my cm is tinged a bit...I think despite that trick temp and cp AF is still on the way. If that's the case, the witch should be here by tonight. Will let you all know.


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## lesondemavie

Looks like it was just my temps fooling me. AF arrived right on schedule tonight. That's the last time I cheat and have a glass of wine the day before AF is due!


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## mrs unicorn

Leson - at least you're out of the limbo now. Not fair that af casually arrived a bit late though. Like it's not hard enough without that! :hugs:

Melissa - never tried them, I'm always scared to try anything that could interfere though! Is it to help you ovulate? Do you think you're not oing?

Bronte - I might be about to sound super naive but what's with the no nipple touching thing?! That made me laugh!

So I tested this morning and bfn. I didn't get my bfp until 11 DPO but the day before an IC made me suspicious. Unfortunately not this time. I'm a little bit disappointed (that hope is always there right?) but I also expected it. Af is due on Thursday so I'll just hang around waiting for her now.


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## melissakate

Hi all, 

les- ugh, the worst! But glad you are out of limbo. I know its controversial but my doctor has a drink till it's pink mentality. Between all my 2ww the first round of ttc, I would eliminate wine (that's really all I drink). I started cutting out all the stuff I love and she said I'll drive myself crazy if I did that. Definitely a person decision :) but i wouldn't feel guilty about the glass of wine!

Mrs U- I think they are kind of like a natural clomid. I'm almost positive I'm ovulating and my doctor has done follicle scans to see right before ovulation BUT there is always room for doubt. 

struggling to get through today :coffee: should enter into my fertile week next week! Hopefully peaking Friday or Saturday


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## lesondemavie

Mel - Thanks for the reassurance! That was the attitude I had before my mc, but since I wasn't drinking at all while pg it was easy to just keep it that way. I have the odd glass here and there, but try to abstain for the most part. My ob is of the no alcohol after O mentality. I've also read studies that show even moderate drinking affects fertility, and potentially egg and sperm quality during the FP. The first cycle I cut it out during the FP is the first cycle I got a BFP, but that could be coincidence. Going to enjoy date night tonight and then back to my sparkling waters and and dry sodas until what will hopefully be my next BFP! Sorry you're struggling, but at least it is Friday! :). Cheers to your next fertile window. I'll be right behind ya! :dust:

Mrs U - That is a long time to wait for AF after BFNs! Hoping it turns into a BFP instead. Fx


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## beemeck

bronte - love that you do something to commemorate the anniversary each year. I'm trying to plan something for May 11, the day I actually lost the baby. I can't believe it's been 7 years for you! sending you hugs and glad that we are going through this tough time together :hugs::hugs:

melissa - we will be TWW buddies!! :happydance: I'm going next Friday for my ultrasound. the hope is that the eggs are ready to go and I can trigger that night and have the IUI on Sunday. so we can go through the loooong wait together :hugs: I'm also a big fan of drink 'til it's pink! since losing the baby, I've tried everything, including cutting out alcohol, and nothing. after so many months, you can't keep changing your life so much :dohh: plus the month I got my bfp was probably the most drinking yet! we were in Europe drinking beaucoup vino! :haha:

mrs u - sorry about the bfn but there is still a littttttttle bit of time :winkwink: FX! 

les - another tww buddy - hooray! I'm gearing up for the hardest, longest TWW yet. the IUI will have my hopes way high and if it fails they will be waaaay low. eek!


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## mrs unicorn

Aw I'm so far behind you guys. Ah well the excitement of following you all through your TWW will help me get through the first week of mine!

I'm having a nightmare with faint lines / shadows on FRERs at the moment. (I've posted it in the preg test section if anyone wants to look, not that there's much to see!) I'm an idiot for testing this early. Probably the worst cycle for this to happen in. Never had this before, it's always been stark white or obvious line. I'm not getting my hopes up. It'd be too good to be true. Will someone give me a virtual slap if I say I'm going to do a FRER at 10 DPO again please!


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## beemeck

hmmm unicorn, seems like I can see something on the first pic you posted... but not the second, odd. I don't know too much about hpts. I mostly don't test at all and when I do it's with cheapies. def keeping my FX extra tightly now....!


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## melissakate

Les- I know all doctors are different and there is so much info out there, it can be overwhelming. Btw-Soda water and lime got me through the times I cut out drinking completely. I love the taste. I added a little fresh ginger in there sometimes and it changed it up a little! Enjoy date night :happydance:

Bee-Yay! I love having someone to suffer through the 2WW with! Let me know how the scan goes!


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## BronteForever

Mrs. U. - sending you lots of positive energy. Hopefully you get your BFP. I never see lines on anything, but you are definitely not out of it yet! Good luck! And the no nipple stimulation made me laugh as well. I have to have another prolactin test done since it was supposedly slightly off and I need to get it checked out before I can go onto IVF. If it's abnormal again they have to do an MRI of the pituitary gland. It was just funny because the doctor and several other nurses kept repeating to me over and over not to do any nipple stimulation the night before the test, since it messes up the test results for some reason. I'm like, "okay, got it--no nipples" after the tenth time they mentioned it. 

Glad you will all be TWW buddies. I've heard once you start with assisted conception the TWW's get even harder to manage, so that's great you'll have cycle buddies, Bee. It should help!

I have roller derby all weekend (not playing currently, since it was too hard to work into with trying to conceive, so I had to take a break), but I'll be watching and volunteering lots. So here's to a nice, full and eventful weekend for everyone!


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## mrs unicorn

So I'm going with bfn because it's doing my head in! No progression on the FRER but a clearer line on the IC. (Pics on the preg tests thread if you wana see) Really fed up of these tests. I don't know why I'm getting stupid faint lines but they are false as the FRER would be obvious by now. Oh well least I can enjoy the weekend and indulge now!!

Les - hope you enjoyed date night!

Bronte - roller derby sounds great fun, even if you aren't playing!!


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## lesondemavie

Date night was absolutely wonderful, but holy hell these cramps are just awful! Worse than ever before. I guess that can be common after mc? I'd say they're even worse than they were my mc cycle. I couldn't sleep last night, but that's just bc I was being stubborn and trying to avoid taking another ibuprofen. Caved and finally fell back asleep around 4 am. Hopefully today is better <3

Happy weekend all! Hope you're out and about and having fun. I think I will try to do some more baking. Date night reminded me of how lucky in love I've been. It doesn't take away the sadness, but it gives me something substantial and positive to focus on instead. Kmfx for us all :dust:


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## mrs unicorn

Oh Leson sounds rubbish. I guess I better brace myself for it too. I have plenty of pain killers in still, but like you I hardly ever touch them. Baking sounds good, send us pic somewhere if you can!

Currently, it's 5pm and I'm sat in bed eating a chocolate Easter egg :haha: I had a nap this afternoon, the whole test malarkey thing was so draining :sleep: DH is back later to tonight. He's been away in Europe with work (kinda glad he wasn't here yesterday. I prefer to flap about tests alone!) so we'll be having a lovely roast dinner and chill out tomorrow. X


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## BronteForever

Oh no. Hope the cramps get better. I will say I noticed a lot of changes after my ectopic. I know part of it was from surgery but I think part of it was just from being pregnant itself. The hormones mess with your body and I don't think you are ever physically the same again. I gained larger boobs and they have never gone back down. But I also now get to deal with some intense ovulation pains and spotting in between periods which I never had before.

Les - wonderful you had a nice date night.

Mrs. U - have fun relaxing. Also where is the lucky place your husband got to go in Europe?


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## mrs unicorn

I've noticed my bbs haven't quite got back to their normal size either. Guess they're here to stay, but I don't mind that!

He's in Valencia. He goes all over the place giving papers. It sounds good but he rarely gets to do any sightseeing so he's going to start declining them now.


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## BronteForever

Yeah, I didn't mind them getting larger either  

Your husband's job sounds interesting. What kind of papers? But yeah, that would be frustrating to go lots of places and not get to sightsee. My husband and I will actually be in Spain in a few weeks. He has a race there in the beginning of June, so we planned a trip around it. Kind of wishing we'd saved money now if we are doing IVF. But it's already paid for so oh well. We will enjoy it.


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## mrs unicorn

He's a university lecturer in history. What does you DH do? Is the race a hobby or his job? That trip will be lovely. I understand what you mean about the money but you'll have a fab time. And who knows, you might not want to travel so far for a while if IVF works straight away!!


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## BronteForever

Yeah we definitely won't be traveling for awhile after we start IVF, regardless of the outcome. So it will be nice to get one last trip in. My husband also works at a university. He teaches biology (mostly plants, but regardless I think he is going to find the IVF process fascinating just based on what he teaches). The race is just for fun. He started racing duathlon and triathlon events after he had open heart surgery a few years ago to fix a birth defect that went undetected for most of his life. I think racing makes him feel happy to be alive. This will be a fun one too since it's a world championship. 

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well.


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - I'm glad your DH came through the heart surgery ok, and found such an awesome hobby after. I was running half marathons on a regular basis before TTC, and it is such an amazing feeling. I always dreamed of doing an international race. So cool that he's racing in Spain!


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## BronteForever

Les - how fun that you did half marathons. I'm not a runner at all and admire anyone that's passionate about it.


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## mrs unicorn

I'm not a runner either - wish I was though! I love yoga and anything along those lines. I think I'm going to try and start it again in the hope I'll feel like doing something a bit more aerobic soon - my motivation is still suffering. I was about to start doing the dvds again after Christmas but then I got my bfp and was too scared! It'll be a good distraction for me and I love seeing more tone in my body - at the moment I'm (at least) a stone heavier than this time last year so I'd like to get rid of some of that.

Actually feeling excited about af arriving - I know that maybe sounds weird but I'm thinking of it like a reset button. It should be Thursday, fx!


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## BronteForever

Yoga could be really helpful. It's great relaxation and distraction. Then you could probably switch to prenatal yoga fairly easily. I've heard a lot of people like it and say it helps during pregnancy.


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## mrs unicorn

Ah yes, I got a few preggo yoga and workout dvds when I was pregnant so I can switch to those when the time comes I guess.


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## lesondemavie

So AF was down to just spotting all yesterday, and now the witch is back...light, but back. So strange! Keeping me on my toes I suppose. Happy Tuesday all. Lots of love and healing and dust for all.

Clarinet - Thinking of you today :hugs:

Bee - Hope those eggs are plumping up and getting ready for the first (and hopefully only) IUI!

Bronte - Hope you had a great day. Just in one of those fun waiting parts of the cycle now right?

MrsU - I know you're worried about how long this is all going to take :hugs2:. I feel in my gut that your journey will be short again. Lots of love and have faith that you'll be in the second tri with a healthy wiggling baby on the screen before you know it <3

Mel - Fertile window for you now right? Catch that egg girl! And mb throw some romance in there too &#128536;


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## BronteForever

Les - that's frustrating. AF can be very strange sometimes. Seems like she can't make up her mind. 

Mrs. U - how are you doing. Did the witch get you?

I'm in my furtile window so we are trying naturally. However, I'm fairly convinced we are the worst couple at TTC. We place so much pressure on ourselves and forget to have fun with it. I was hoping getting test results back would help to take the pressure off, however, we have somehow remained unrealistically optimistic and probably are worse this cycle than ever. Hopefully we can relax and get some more BDing in. We just got my husbands SA back and of course he's almost perfect. Makes me feel slightly worse this is all my fault and the confirmation of that didn't help. I hate it when I feel that way. Logically I know that's the wrong attitude but I can't get my mind to stop focusing on it. However, this is yet another positive for us that we have a great shot with IVF.


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## mrs unicorn

Les - that is annoying. Hope she packs up her bags soon! And thank you :hugs: I really hope it happens for us all soon. We could do with a break! 

Bronte - :hugs: it is a positive thing that your DH is ok. I get why it makes you feel worse though, Mother Nature can be so cruel. :hugs: try to focus on the positives it brings to the IVF rather than letting the negatives get to you.

I've been trying out this mindfulness app to help me to 'let go' and accept things are as they are. (I'm new to this kind of stuff but I'll give anything a try!) I'm a terrible obsesser and I don't want this to become more of an obstacle than it needs to be. I don't know if anyone is into this kind of thing but it might be worth a look - les I know you'll probably know a lot more about it than most of us.

No af as of yet. But if o was right and my lp stays the same she should be here tomorrow. I never get warning signs for her normally so I guess we'll wait and see. I did have v strong o pains on the Friday after my +opk on the tues, so it could be later but my temps don't line up with that. I'm hoping that because this has been a long 'cycle' (just look at how massive my chart is :haha:) the next will feel shorter!


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## BronteForever

Mrs. U. - you aren't out of it yet, then. Are your cycles usually that long? Or do you think it's still something from the MMC? I love the idea of the mindfulness app. I might have to give that a try. I do well when I try relaxation breathing, but it's a challenge for me to stick with it.

Bee - it's getting down to crunch time. Your ultrasound is on Friday, correct? So excited for you!

Clarinet - I also hope you are doing alright. This is my "anniversary" week from when I lost my child/pregnancy and it's always a rough week. I can't even imagine having to deal with a second loss.


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## beemeck

hi girls!

les - how fun for af to make another brief appearance! :roll: hopefully this is the last hoorah and then you will be just about in your fertile window again with your quick cycles! 

mrsu - conscious mindfulness sounds great. It's def something I am not good at! My background is also in psychology but I can never get out of my own head :dohh: I, too, am obsessed with all things TTC. It's exhausting. I will say it's gotten better as time goes on. I remember the first TWW after my loss. I could hardly do anything! I was so on edge and just miserable playing the waiting game. I do yoga, acupuncture, massages, I had seen a therapist, I go to an infertility support group type thing....and they all help but at the end of the day when you want something so bad, the obsessing just never ends. although it does improve! sending you hugs and looking forward to your next cycle being THE cycle! :hugs::hugs:

bronte - how awesome about your trip to Spain!! so jelly - that's one of our "to-go" spots. There is a chance that we could move to Madrid for DHs work. Although right now this infertility mess is keeping us right where we are. We got asked to go to Marseille in December. The ultimate reason we turned it down was that DH was offered a promotion here instead, but the TTC factor played a very big role too. So enjoy this trip for sure - hopefully an upcoming baby will hinder your travel for awhile after that :winkwink:

yes my ultrasound is friday - thanks so much for cheering me on, ladies! it keeps me (somewhat) sane to be able to discuss all of this nitty gritty stuff in detail. my right ovary was giving me hell last night so I'm feeling okay about everything. just want them to find the right amount of good sized follies - not too many and not too few. I start opks today to make sure I'm not about to O on my own and I really hope they aren't even close to positive! I want things to go as planned and scheduled - I'm over surprises at this point in the TTC journey :haha: I haven't gotten that "good surprise" (BFP) anyway so let's just keep everything as planned!


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## mrs unicorn

I tested today just to get any daft doubts out of my mind and it was bfn so she'll be on her way. I'm normally a 28 day cycle with a 15 day lp, so I'm going from when I o'd based on a normal lp - so she would be due tomorrow. Not holding my breath though :coffee:

Bronte :hugs: sorry, this must be a rough week for you hun :hugs: you've got lots to look forward to now. You're on a new road, one that will hopefully lead to getting you all you've dreamed of :hugs:

Bee - eeeee good luck for Friday. Fx it goes as planned! Xx


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## BronteForever

Bee - yippee, for starting soon! It would have been hard to turn down Marseille. Sounds exciting. I'd love to live in another country, at least for a brief time. Experiencing other cultures is a huge passion of mine. We'll be in Madrid for a few days at the end of our trip, so I'll let you know what I think. However, we were in southern Spain a few years ago and loved it. But yes the TTC life definitely has a way of taking things over. We've gotten better about not planning things around it now, since it's so unpredictable. But now that we are starting IVF it's going to be hard not to plan everything in life around it. 

Mrs. U - good luck on gearing up for next cycle then. Hopefully the length comes back down to a more normal range for you.


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## beemeck

eek! Totally let me know how Madrid is. Spain is a country that neither of us has been to yet but it sounds so cool. I do kind of regret how much we have planned around TTC this past year. We've missed a lot and all for nothing. But I try not to be too hard on myself about it. I can't wait until my life is no longer dictated by this. It's def unavoidable going the assisted conception route. :cry: I really want this to be my cycle because I have a trip planned for June during the fertile month. And if next month works, I'm too terrified to go anywhere until the pregnancy is confirmed in my uterus. I'm sure you understand that too. Since I could have died during my last pregnancy, I'm going to be super scared for the first couple of weeks! :nope:


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## mrs unicorn

Ah Madrid is lovely. DH booked a surprise break there for us a few years ago for my birthday. It's smaller than most European cities but it's beautiful!

Haha were all typing at the same time! Of course we all totally understand about wanting to be at home bee. And especially with what you went through before. But you'll be monitored so closely this time, hopefully that will ease your mind just a little bit.

I hate that it's taken over the past 6 months of our lives. I can't even believe it's been that long! I know it's nothing compared to what you guys have gone through though :hugs: let's just hope we all get there quickly now. Xx


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## beemeck

are you near London Unicorn? I can't remember. I'm obsessed with London!!


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## mrs unicorn

Nope, other end of the country. Near a city called Newcastle near ish to the Scottish border. I go to London loads for work and my best mate lives there too. London is massive, been going for years and still feel a bit lost in it!


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## beemeck

aw that's so cool! We want to plan a fall trip to Europe of course depending on what our TTC situation is and we wanted to try somewhere new but my best friend and BF are going to London in Oct and now we are tempted to join them for a few days there! It is massive but DH and I are both big city people which is probably why we adore it so much. He grew up in Bombay so he thinks most major cities are small :haha: we couldn't get over the amount of greenery in London. so many gardens and open spaces for a big city :flower:


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## BronteForever

beemeck said:


> eek! Totally let me know how Madrid is. Spain is a country that neither of us has been to yet but it sounds so cool. I do kind of regret how much we have planned around TTC this past year. We've missed a lot and all for nothing. But I try not to be too hard on myself about it. I can't wait until my life is no longer dictated by this. It's def unavoidable going the assisted conception route. :cry: I really want this to be my cycle because I have a trip planned for June during the fertile month. And if next month works, I'm too terrified to go anywhere until the pregnancy is confirmed in my uterus. I'm sure you understand that too. Since I could have died during my last pregnancy, I'm going to be super scared for the first couple of weeks! :nope:

I hear you on being scared. I'm fully prepared for a hellish couple of first weeks during pregnancy, if it happens. Is "momzilla" a thing? If so, I will totally be that person and probably demand to have an ultrasound every week. I tried to get in before my tube ruptured previously since I knew something wasn't right, but as soon as they hear "first time pregnancy," I think they dismiss a lot of your concerns. At least the doctors at the time did. I learned a lot from the situation and will not mess around this time and won't take no for an answer. I'm sure the RE's are used to that and can help at the beginning. I'm probably going to need those relaxation apps the entire pregnancy then.


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## BronteForever

So jealous of where you live Mrs. U! Newcastle looks beautiful! I've never been to London either and would love to visit. I was set to go there awhile ago while I was studying abroad in Paris, but the weekend before we were to leave there were several bombings in the metros (the ones back in 2005) and my friends and I decided to forgo the trip. I've been wanting to get back there sometime, but it never seems to work out.


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## mrs unicorn

Its funny you say that because brits always joke about how little greenery there is in London!! There's a lot of banter between northerners and southerners in the uk about how a southerner doesn't know what grass or trees are! Yeah, we're an odd bunch! I guess compared to the north of the U.K. it's very built up but compared to other world cities it's not. It is great though. Very diverse, lots of different food, art and music.


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## mrs unicorn

Where abouts are you in the US bronte?

Yeah newcastle is nice. We actually live about 8 miles out on the north east coast. The beach is my saviour, I love walking down there!


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## beemeck

BronteForever said:


> beemeck said:
> 
> 
> eek! Totally let me know how Madrid is. Spain is a country that neither of us has been to yet but it sounds so cool. I do kind of regret how much we have planned around TTC this past year. We've missed a lot and all for nothing. But I try not to be too hard on myself about it. I can't wait until my life is no longer dictated by this. It's def unavoidable going the assisted conception route. :cry: I really want this to be my cycle because I have a trip planned for June during the fertile month. And if next month works, I'm too terrified to go anywhere until the pregnancy is confirmed in my uterus. I'm sure you understand that too. Since I could have died during my last pregnancy, I'm going to be super scared for the first couple of weeks! :nope:
> 
> I hear you on being scared. I'm fully prepared for a hellish couple of first weeks during pregnancy, if it happens. Is "momzilla" a thing? If so, I will totally be that person and probably demand to have an ultrasound every week. I tried to get in before my tube ruptured previously since I knew something wasn't right, but as soon as they hear "first time pregnancy," I think they dismiss a lot of your concerns. At least the doctors at the time did. I learned a lot from the situation and will not mess around this time and won't take no for an answer. I'm sure the RE's are used to that and can help at the beginning. I'm probably going to need those relaxation apps the entire pregnancy then.Click to expand...

this breaks my heart to hear this! you know, since joining these threads it seems that most tubal ectopics go this way and I find that horrible. I've even met ladies who come on here complaining about pain, having doctors dismiss them and asking questions to the community only to have their tube rupture during this process. it's so horrifying. in fact, that happened to someone at the beginning of this thread! I wonder how she is doing.

That part of the struggle I cannot relate to. My cervical ectopic had no pain and I knew nothing at the time about so many of these complications, so it was def my doctors fueling the search for answers. I am so sorry that you and so many others had to go through that. I hope we get to be preggers at the same time together because we will totally just "get it"! :hugs: I am generally not a cautious person so I feel silly with how debilitating I know my fear is going to be, but I know it's justified and I can't be so hard on myself. It's nice that someone else understands.


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## BronteForever

Bee - I've noticed that as well that many tubal ectopics seem to rupture after even being monitored. My pain was much more centralized and I had spotting, so I think since it wasn't technically sharp pains on one side they dismissed it and just thought i was overreacting and rudely told me "go to the hospital if it's bad enough, but until 8 weeks there's nothing we can do." After it definitely got really bad and ruptured, the ER doctors further dismissed my concerns and sent me home, because they misread my ultrasound and thought my pain levels had subsided enough (duh it subsided, because the rupture released the stabbing pain sensation). They wanted me to come back the next day to get shots to end the pregnancy, since no one was apparently there that could do it at the time. I had nothing but problems from those doctors and had assumed it was just their incompetence. But reading about stuff later and on these boards, does make me see how common this actually is. Which is very sad. It's scary because that seems like it should be something that could be seen easily on scans, but I guess maybe it's not. I have much more confidence in my current doctors though and I've learned how to become a better advocate for myself!

And I'd love to be pregnant at the same time. My fingers are so crossed for you right now!

Mrs. U. - I'm currently in Indiana, which is probably one of the most boring states, unless you like Indy car racing or corn (which who doesn't love corn?). But we are slowly catching up to the rest of the states and offering more exciting things to do.


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## beemeck

wow bronte I can't believe that. even though I've read so many similar stories, it still shocks me. That they didn't even see it post ruptured on the US?! arghhhhh. I met a women on here who went 13 weeks with a tubal ectopic so that was post 12 week ultrasound. I just don't get it. makes me so thankful for my docs - mostly the ultrasound tech. I want to do something nice for her. I haven't seen her since. cervical ectopics are like - SOOOOOO rare so when I've heard of others having them, they are almost always undetectable because most techs don't even know what to look for. she was amazing and she probably saved my life. I will totally cry and hug her when I see her next!


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## beemeck

oh and I had to laugh about your description of Indiana. I looooove corn! lol :haha: I've only driven through Indiana on the way to Chicago!


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## BronteForever

You did have an angel as an ultrasound tech, Bee. It would be lovely to see her again. Hope you get to. It's nice to hear positive stories about doctors, nurses, and techs fighting to find out what the problem is. Love that! Most of them, I'm sure are like that, and I definitely don't think my doctors didn't try. Cervical ectopics are super rare, but ectopics in general are pretty rare as well in the big scheme of pregnancies. So I'm assuming if they haven't gotten alot of experience with it, then they don't know what to look for and are just going with the most common symptoms, which some people might not fit. Hopefully they get better training in the future.


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## mrs unicorn

It is so shocking girls, so sorry you both had to go through something so awful. I was chatting to a woman on here just after my mc and she feared an ectopic and the docs just pushed her away. Anyway it was ectopic in the end, she went through such a horrible time of it. It shocked me then that they couldn't or wouldn't investigate the possibility.

We'd love to see more of the US. We did a 17 day road trip around California for our honeymoon, we loved it! We'd like to do something similar on the east (DH wants to do the southern states though) maybe when we've got 2 little ones (fx) well not too little. Maybe when they'd be old enough to enjoy it.


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## BronteForever

Mrs. U. you should definitely visit the states again when you can. The East cost has much more exciting things to see in my opinion. But it depends on where you go in the south. Road trips are lots of fun though!


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## mrs unicorn

Af has arrived!!!!! :thumbup::happydance::yipee: with strong cramps :growlmad::dohh::hissy: but so glad my lp hasn't changed!


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## melissakate

Bee and Bronte-I am so sorry you guys had to go through that. It's such a blessing you both recovered physically (I never downplay that emotionally will never fully be recovered :shrug:)

It's so awesome to see where everyone lives and realize that this one little thread has brought us all together. I'm out in Dallas, Texas (and no, I don't own a horse). I love this state and Dallas is a city with SO much to offer. I always recommend a visit :happydance:

I finally got a "high" on my clear blue fertility monitor today and am now just waiting for a peak. Usually I O around CD 17, so we will see if the strips have been wrong the past 8 months. 

Bee-if I remember, we have almost identical cycles right? 

Mrs U- yay, I know it's hard but at the same time, nice to start a new cycle with another chance :happydance:


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## beemeck

mrs u - yay for AF ....because I think this cycle is going to be it!! 

thanks melissa :hugs: sweet of you to mention the emotional recovery because you're right - it's never the same. but hopefully my body has bounced back and is ready for another pregnancy because I sure have been! my opk was also "high" today. just a regular strip but I've been doing them for almost a year now - should be positive tomorrow! I go in for an ultrasound because I am getting and IUI done. my DH is coming with me. if I'm ready to go they will just do the insemination then. otherwise I'll come back on the weekend for it. so we should be really close and can wait out the TWW together :hugs:

I was in Austin last year. never been to Dallas though but thought Austin was super cool!


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - :hugs: I hope you were prepared for it and AF came as a relief as it was for me. One more physical hurdle cleared. Cheers to January babies!

Bee and Mel - Hooray for O :yipee:. Wishing you a stress-free tww :haha: I feel silly writing that. Scratch it - go as mad as you need to. We'll all be here the whole way :)

Bronte - Hope you and DH found a way to relax and enjoy it. I know it must be a challenge :hugs:. You are definitely not the worst! In fact, from this side of things you are inspiring and amazing :flower:

This may be my fertile window talking (hooray feel good NTs) even though I'm not entirely sure if I'm in it yet or not, but I love this little support group we have going here &#10084;&#65039;. So fortunate to have each and one of you here (and bee I do hope ND is doing well too). Our babies are within our reach ladies :baby: &#10024;


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## BronteForever

Mrs. U. - so sorry AF got you, but it's probably a relief to know at least, since you had some doubts this cycle. I also feel like you are going to have a lucky cycle soon! Hang in there.

Melissa - thanks for the kind words. I love Dallas and have an uncle that lives there, so we visit every so often. You are correct it's a lovely city to visit! It is neat to see where everyone is from and know that TTC has brought us all together. Good luck this month. Excited to see what happens at the end of your TWW.

Bee - I'm sending you massive hugs. :hugs: I'm so excited to hear about your results tomorrow and I really hope this IUI is a success. You really deserve some good news. 

Les - you are such a sweetheart. Thanks so much for the kind words. I agree completely, I love the support going on and it's great to be a part of. I can't believe you are almost in your fertile window again, you have some quick cycles. Fingers crossed for you!!

As for me, I had an ultrasound this morning and everything looked great. I also can't tell you how impressed I am every time I go into the RE's office. It is clear everyone enjoys their job there and that's very refreshing to see. I had a lovely chat with the ultrasound tech and she said everything looks great. No fluid in my tubes (which there was a bit of a concern about) and my lining looks "fantastic." All more good news. It feels nice, because for awhile it felt like everything related to TTC or being pregnant was bad news after bad news. Finally feels like things are starting to turn around and makes me feel reassured that the decision to pursue IVF was a good one. I know it's still a long road and there's so much that can go wrong during this time, but for right now it's reassuring.

As an aside, the ultrasound tech and I started talking about ectopics this morning and she mentioned that she's been doing U/S for about 8 years and has only seen 3 ectopics. That's fascinating to me and probably confirms what we were talking about of why sometimes doctors don't know what to do. So another reason to hug your ultrasound tech, Bee.


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## lesondemavie

Ugh! That pg girl that I mentor just opened some baby gifts from some of the other younger supervisors right in front of me. I feel like such an a**, but I booked it out of there and I'm now sitting in my car crying :cry:. I called DH, but he couldn't pick up and I feel like talking to my best friend will just make her feel like she can't bring her son around me. I figured you all would understand. This stinks! Bah, I was feeling so positive and focused on the future this morning too :(. I've been ok being around her, but I guess it's just bc I don't focus on it...but this brought it right back up to my attention. I know it's not a competition, but it still hurts &#128148;. Grabbing a bagel or something and trying to shake this off before heading back in. Thank goodness I have this flexibility!


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## melissakate

les- Oh no! I am so sorry you had to go through that. I know how hard it is! I have been to three baby showers in the past month, 2 of them for people that weren't even trying (and one complained about her pregnancy the whole shower). It is so natural to feel hurt, frustrated, mad, jealous and all the emotions in between. 

All of our time will come. When it does, I'm genuinely concerned that they are all going to be so spoiled because we want them so bad:rofl:

Just know, the positive energy you had early and the happiness you had is still in there, so find it and prepare yourself for another great month!:hugs:


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## BronteForever

Les - I'm so sorry. That has to be incredibly hard since you work with her frequently. Sending you a big hug. Hope you had a good cry. I find that helps sometimes. 

Melissa - I agree that all our kids will probably be spoiled because they are so loved.


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## lesondemavie

So I love looking through these forums and seeing old threads where the ladies went through MCs but now years later they all have babies in their arms and still check in on how all is going now and again. It gives me hope &#10084;&#65039;. I'm thinking about updating the first post with out UNs, MCs, and where we're at in TTC. Totally optional, but if you want to be added let me know :). Maybe we can give other women that same hope one day!


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## BronteForever

Good idea Les, I love the summary stuff and would love to be added. Most of my info is in my signature but if you need anything else let me know. 

I really enjoy looking at the success stories as well. It helps me keep positive it what can become fairly dark days sometimes.


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## lesondemavie

Bee - posting this early bc I know by the time I can check in again you all will be hours ahead of me. Thinking of you. Hope your appointment goes perfectly :hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

Leson - sorry you had a rubbish day yesterday. I hope these kind of things get easier for us one day, I'm sure they will but it'll take time I think. I've been ok this week but then we got card from our friends saying 'thinking of you' type thing and their kind words made me cry. Then I get frustrated. We don't want to be the couple this happened to! Anyway, you're in your fertile week - the best week of the cycle right. Keep those hopes up high, it could be the one! Oh yes, and I love the idea of the update but at the front. I was hoping we'd all stay together for a good long while. (just incase you need a reminder. MMC march 2016 after 3 cycles of TTC, back to TTC April 2016) X

Mel - good luck for your fertile week! And yes!!! Our lo's will be so spoiled! I bought loads of generic baby clothes before the mc. They are hidden away at the moment but I know once I get my bfp and get to a more confident stage I'll be out shopping all the time!! I know it's a waste as they grow so quick but I don't care!

Bronte - glad all went well with you appt. What's your next step now?

Bee - good luck for your appt today!

Thanks for your kind words guys but I'm totally ok with af being here - that will be the last time I say that for sure! Actually she's behaving, no cramping and just like she normally is (so far). Roll on next week!!

I also love that I get to learn about the USA on here. My knowledge isn't great - you are such a massive country to get to know, so it's nice to get ideas of where you all are. X


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## BronteForever

Bee - good luck today!!!!!!


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## JackieR

Loving all the love and support in this thread, thank you ladies for starting it! Husband and I just lost our first yesterday at 8 weeks, OB said wait 2 months to try again. Getting blood work done soon to make sure all my levels are normal and there's no clotting issue. So glad to see we're not alone. <3


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## lesondemavie

Jackie - First, it saddens me to see you here, but we welcome you with open hearts. Miscarriage is devastating, but it helps to know that you're not alone :hugs:

I read your post in the mc support section too, and I'm so very sorry for what you're going through right now :cry:. I was in your shoes not too long ago. I wrote a lot in my journal here while bawling my eyes out on DH's shoulder then. It was (and still is) a cathartic process for me. My brother was a big support. He called me a bit more and let me just talk about other things if I needed to. I isolated myself for a bit, and that's ok too. My best friend worried, but I needed the space. There is unfortunately nothing that we can say or do to take away the sadness. I still feel it in my core every day. You learn to live with this odd mix of deep sadness for what was and could have been and bright hope for what might be. Right now, take time for yourself and feel whatever it is you can each day. As your body moves forward, your heart will too...best it can...but all of that takes time. We're here if you need to share what you're feeling and know you're not alone :hugs2:


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - So glad AF is behaving. I know your friend is being kind and sweet, but it's hard to get reminders like that. I think instead of sympathy flowers we all need "yay, your first AF is here" or "hooray you didn't slap that complaining pg woman" or "wohoo you survived your first RE appointment" flowers. &#127803;&#127800;&#127804;&#127800;


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## BronteForever

Jackie - I'm so sorry for your recent loss. You are definitely not alone and this is a wonderful community that can provide support since unfortunately there are lots of us here that know the sadness you are experiencing now. It's never easy losing a child--no matter how young-- and your life with forever be changed because of it. 

I also read your other post and I felt many of the same things you are going through. Hang in there and yes, we are here if you need to talk. 

Mrs. U. - my doctor was out of town this week so I have to wait until Monday to see what he says about proceeding. However, it's really us deciding when we want to move forward now. I'm trying to lose weight so that's my focus now. I think our goal is to start in June. My parents are lovingly loaning us the money for everything which I'm incredibly grateful for. It will help lesson the worry of having to pay back things quickly.

Les - Ha. They definitely need cards that say those things at least.


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## mrs unicorn

Jackie - I'm so sorry for your loss. I also read your other post. It's the most heart breaking, soul destroying thing. My advice is feel whatever you need to, do whatever you need to. For me that was cry and do nothing for a good 2-3 weeks. Initially I had my mum and sil by my side to help me work through it, but once the mc was over everyone had to go back to normal life so I felt like I had too also, but really struggled. It wasn't, and still isn't, over for me. (Or any of us) My best friend also doesn't know what to say. But these ladies on this site have helped me through the worst few weeks of my life. We all know how hard it is and we are here for you. It does get easier in time I promise. Not easy, but easier. Going back to your other post - if you want to get something to remember your little bean by then you should. I considered it, but in the end decided against it. You'll never forget them whether you have an object there or not. You have plenty of time to decide either way.

Bronte - keep us posted on your health and fitness! I desperately need some inspiration. I really want to lose some weight (about a stone would be good, but I'd be happy with half) but just don't have the motivation!

Les - love the card ideas!


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## JackieR

Les, Bronte, MrsU- thank you all so much for your kind words of encouragement. Today has been a better day-saw a movie with my DH, ate our favorite fast food, got a new video game to distract us for a while. We're enjoying the ups while they last and enduring the tears when they come. I am feeling hopeful.


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## BronteForever

Jackie - so glad you are having a better day and can find some hope. That will be helpful. I lost my first due to an ectopic 7 years ago and it has definetly gotten easier with time. But sadness still hits me randomly at times and you never forget. It's great you have gotten out and about. Distractions are always helpful. 

Bee - I really hope your procedure went well. I'm excited to hear about it. 

Several of you are about to enter the TWW correct? I'm there as well just hanging mostly. 

I've been incredibly irritated the last few days, mostly with several work situations that I don't feel are fair. And when I feel slighted or taken advantage of, I kind of get overly dramatic, passive aggressive, and passionately state my strong opinions. As a result, I have not been the most pleasant to be around. I'm already starting to wonder how I'm going to balance everything with being on meds for IVF. Not looking forward to even worse mood swings. I'm probably going to bite several people's heads off. I almost feel like I should warn them but I don't really want most people to know.


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## mrs unicorn

Jackie - glad to hear you are feeling hopeful and you've had a good day.

Bronte - I wouldn't worry about biting anyone's head off. They'll get over it :rofl: if the meds make you super hormonal there's nothing you can do about it, and worrying about other people won't make you feel any better. I understand you not wanting to tell anyone too. The last thing you want is all those questions of 'Do you think you're pregnant this time' etc etc.

Aw I'm only cd4! Boring! But af has pretty much gone now so that's good (3ish days is normal for me!) DH and I were talking about booking a holiday for July yesterday. We don't want to go away if I'm pregnant though. Infact DH won't book it until we know at the end of June! Plus we're going to try and book it for my fertile week so that pretty much means we'd have to book it 2 weeks before we go! Are we mad or what?! Thing is I need something to look forward to / make me exercise. The thought of putting a bikini on is always enough to get me exercising. I really hope we don't get to go away (I have never said that before, I love going away!) fx we get our sticky bfp before then.


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## BronteForever

mrs u - hopefully they do get over it. I still feel bad (at least for most of the people in my life). 

Also, you don't seem silly for planning trips (or holiday as you all call it, which I love ) around TTC. I really hope you get your sticky bean before then. Most doctors think traveling during your first trimester is fine and getting away might even help you de-stress. But I get it can by harder after a loss and you want to be extra careful. I will say though that awhile ago I used to plan everything around TTC and I think I was making myself go crazy. You have to find a nice balance, otherwise you start resenting the fact you aren't pregnant even more. Make sure to still live your life like you want to.


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## lesondemavie

Jackie that sounds absolutely perfect :). You will get through this :hugs:

MrsU - I think a trip is a wonderful idea! That's why I asked DH to plan a backpacking weekend for my bday. It just rained a ton here though and I'm sick so it might be a mountain bnb and hiking weekend instead. I think we might plan something for July as that will be the next hard month for me. It really is hard though not knowing if you'll be pg or how you'll feel. I totally get it.

Bronte - I totally get that feeling, but I know in my heart that it will be worth it. When you're holding that baby all those mood swings will be a blur. That's so amazing that your parents are giving you that gift!!! I know my mom would do it in a heartbeat too. All she can talk about is grandkids and how badly she wants them. It's gotten a bit worse since my cousin announced that he and his wife are expecting. He's the son of my mom's youngest brother, and this will be their 3rd grandchild. I get it, but it's a bit hard to handle sometimes. Hope the tww is treating you well! I should be there later this week.

AFM - Celebrating my bday with family and friends this weekend even though I've come down with a bad cold &#129298;. Tbh, I don't feel much like celebrating this bday. It's hard to celebrate when you dreamed of it being different. When I was pg, I thought about what sort of mocktail I could have and that I'd probably be showing a bit and what I'd feel up for. It helps that it's right bang in the middle of my fertile week. All those feel good NTs are lifting my spirits and the thought that we could be making our next baby right now helps soothe the pain a bit. DH is so amazing this cycle. He knows it's baby making time without me saying and he kept us on track yesterday when I probably would have just crawled into bed feeling gross. Guess he might catch this cold from me now too &#128513;. It's good to feel like I'm not alone in the planning part of TTC now <3.

Fx we get some wonderful news in here this month :dust:


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## BronteForever

Les - hope you feel better and have a great birthday. How convenient it's during your fertile window so you can do some celebrating. 

The mountain BnB and hiking trips sounds very relaxing. That definetly might be better than backpacking trip which does seem quite a challenge if you are pregnant. Really it seems a challenge even without being pregnant  

I know my parents are excited for grandkids from us too, despite already having 8. My sister just had a MMC in November last year, so I think they were sad and already looking forward to more.


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## mrs unicorn

Leson - happy birthday, lovely!!! I hope you manage to celebrate a little even if you don't feel up to much. And it's so nice that your DH is super supportive and enthusiastic about the bd schedule! It's easy to forget sometimes that they want it just as much as we do. I really hope it's your cycle, how amazing would it be for it to happen around your birthday?!

Bronte - you are right. I do worry a lot about what to do over the next few months/rest of the year. I'm torn between not letting the possibility of being pregnant stop us from doing things (although that seems to be winning at the moment) and not planning too much incase we might have to cancel or if it could be harmful to TTC. It's so hard to know what to do. Sometimes I want to literally stop doing everything just incase but then realistically how long can you keep that up for, and also like you say, not let it crush you every time you're not pregnant. I know you struggle with this too Leson. It drives me mad! I think that's why I'm so anxious about how long it'll take.


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## lesondemavie

Help! Trying not to let the opks and Oing later than usual drive me batty this cycle. Getting a pretty solid line on my opk this evening, but it could still be a few days before it goes dark. Unless this cold messes with things should be a + by Tuesday at the latest. That's just 2 days right? So 1 opk tomorrow and 1 Tuesday? Hold me to it! Trying to decide if I want to just keep BDing until O or continue with every other day. Guess we'll see how I'm feeling after another nap :sleep:


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## mrs unicorn

What day did you o before? Last cycle was cd14 so it's looking like it could be around cd13/14 based in your opks. I'd say that given you are not 100% sure when you'll ov as it's changed since the mc two opks a day is ok. Morning and afternoon/evening whatever works best for you. Hope you are starting to feel better today. Try not to fret about bding, we know every other day is fine. But I also know that once you have a plan for each cycle you want to stick to it!!!


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## lesondemavie

Whelp...I either O'd early despite negative opks...or I have a fever :(. I'm thinking the latter.


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## mrs unicorn

My first cycle ttc I had a cold during the TWW and my temps were up very high, but they were post o. Flippin things got my hopes up! Surely your opk would have been positive yesterday if you'd o'd early? Fx it's a fever (sorry that sounds horrible but you know what I mean!)


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## lesondemavie

Haha yes I know what you mean. I suppose there's still a chance if it's O since we BD'd twice, but I have my fx that it's a fever too. Already wrote in to work to let them know I'm keeping my germs to myself for today. Guess temping is convenient in that regard!


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## mrs unicorn

Aw, hope you feel better soon love :flower: get plenty of rest and keep hydrated :hugs: Guess you might be breaking your 1 opk per day rule now !! :haha:


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## melissakate

Good morning ladies!

I was out of town this weekend and had to catch up on all the chatter on here :)

Les- first off, happy birthday! I'm sorry you didn't feel well but impressed that you kept the Bding even with feeling yuck! I'm really crossing my fingers this is your month.

Jackie- I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Just know, this group is some of the very people going through and know what you're experiencing. It is easy to feel alone through this but I have found comfort in this thread and these ladies.:hugs:

Bee-I am so anxious to hear about your appointment yesterday! Praying all went well.

As for me, I think I told you guys I was starting with the Clear Blue Fertility Monitor this month. I typically have a 30-32 day cycle, ovulating on the 17th. The monitor makes you start testing CD6 through when you get your peak. It measures the rise in estrogen first (which gives you a high) and then measures your LH after to give you the peak. I've had highs since day CD14 and never hit a peak. I think I O'ed on Sunday but can't be sure. Apparently the monitor takes a month or so to start reading your cycle (which I wish I would have known sooner so I could have used my back up IC's to monitor O).

I'm feeling a little defeated entering this 2WW not knowing if I ovulating. Also-with being out of town, hubs and I only got to BD really late Friday night and then I left our Saturday. So if Sunday was O day, I only got a BD in 2 days before. :cry:


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## BronteForever

Les - hopefully you feel better. Sounds like it's a fever or just your cold in general messing with things.

Melissa - wow, what an incredibly advanced fertility monitor. If you haven't had ovulation issues in the past, I'm sure you ovulated. It's just a matter of when. But at least you got 1 day in during your fertile window. That's better than none! Try not to worry too much during your TWW.


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## melissakate

Bronte-I am going to try my best! Worrying seems to be an everyday thing now. I have tried the "sit back, relax, let it happen" method but my type A personality takes over!!! Yes, this fertility monitor is crazy. I'm not sure my husband knows how much I actually spent on it :blush: but it's been pretty cool to see this cycle. I had been ovulating in the past (pregnant on month 4 of trying for my miscarriage). 

Time is a funny thing, sometimes it flies, sometimes (like when TTC) it creeps by.

We were actually able to BD Tues, Thurs, Fri (and Friday was at like 1:30am because I was staging a property extremely late that night). So maybe I could count it Saturday.:dohh:

I hope everyone's Monday is going as great as a Monday can be.


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## JackieR

Today was my and DH's first day back at work. It was more difficult than we thought... being back where the nightmare started. I'm almost wondering if we went back too soon? It just seemed better than being home alone with my thoughts. On a positive note got my progesterone levels back from last week so that's not an issue like I had worried it was.

Thank you all again for the love and well wishes. This forum gets me through the day


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## BronteForever

Melissa - yeah "sit back and relax" is just hard in general. How on earth can you relax when telling yourself to relax  I know it's much easier said then done. I just like to keep myself busy so I don't have a ton of extra time to focus on things too much. Sounds like you got a few days in. If you did O on Sunday some of the days earlier in the week might have worked too. Depending on the conditions and a lot of factors, sperm can live for several days. So I totally think you are fine for the month. Fingers crossed it's a lucky month. 

Jackie - so sorry, hon. That has to be hard but I agree even if it's a challenge going back to a regular schedule and finding things to occupy your time will help you not focus on your loss. Hang in there. That is a plus your progesterone levels were in range though!

As for me, my husband and I talked it over, looked at the calendar really well, and got back all the necessary results, and should be starting IVF in late June. Hopefully there shouldn't be too many more barriers. We are excited!! Also my husband was extremely cute and already hopes we get pregnant soon in the process since he can take all next summer off and then put in for sabaticle for the following semester. So he is apparently ready, which he hasn't shown the most enthusiasm at times so this is good. But as with anything there is no way it's going to go as exactly planned. Just hoping I don't have to go through a ton of cycles.


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## tcinks

Hello ladies. I hate to be back here, as I'm sure you all do. :/ I lost my first baby in 2014 at 13 weeks. It was physically and emotionally traumatic, I never thought something like that could ever happen. 4 months later I was pregnant again. Very anxious, but all my scans looked great. Until 20 weeks. My cervix was basically gone and I delivered my baby a week later. And now , this February I got another BFP. Unfortunately I found out last Thursday that baby stopped growing 3 weeks ago. I'm crushed. I honestly don't know how soon I'll try again, but it's nice to be in a group with other ladies who've experienced loss and also don't have living children. Other people in my life don't understand. :hugs:


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## lesondemavie

Mel - That sounds like a really neat device. Hope you get that BFP and won't even need it to learn your cycle! I could never sneak a purchase by DH. He watches our finances like a hawk on mint! We still have our own accounts + a joint, but they're all kinda fluid and all in one place so we can see the big picture.

Jackie - Being back at work can be tough depending. For me it's hard bc no one knows. I'm not ready for them to know that we're TTC let alone that we miscarried. It's so hard to just pretend that you're ok when you're crumbling inside. I took 2 days off and then went back. The first week everyone just thought I was recovering from a bad flu. I didn't really eat that first week either, so that probably just added to the sick look I had. I still have my moments now, but it does get easier <3.

Bronte - Progress! And that's amazing that DH is so into it &#127881;. I love it when my hubby shows that he wants it just as much (and sometimes more) than me! I hope upon every hope that June is the only cycle you'll need! &#128522;

Tcinks - As sad as I am to see you here, I'm happy to provide whatever support I can as you go through this once again :hug:. We're all in different stages...some back TTC, some healing from a recent loss and wtt, some now down the path of IUI or IVF...so please feel free to pop in when you need support no matter where you're at. While it's important to let yourself feel, distractions can be valuable as well. Do you have a favorite distraction?


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## BronteForever

tcinks - I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. Sending you massive hugs. So sorry to hear about your latest loss. That's sad to hear you don't have anyone in your life that understands, but that is such a plus to these boards. No matter where we all live or the experiences that brought us here, we have all lost at least 1 child and are just trying to survive the best way we know how. Hope you get some rest and can begin to sort through your feelings.


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## mrs unicorn

Jackie - getting back to the real world is so hard. I struggled with it the first week back. I was angry that I had to pretend that I was ok and could get on with everything as if nothing had happened, when I really didn't feel that way. I had my ERPC on a Friday and went back on the Monday, but I'd already had 10 days off at that point as we found out over a week before the ERPC. The distraction and routine can be helpful but don't worry if you struggle at first. Again it's one of those things that gets easier with time.

tcinks - I am so sorry you are having to go through this again. Once is hard enough so I cannot imagine how you are feeling at the moment. I saw your thread about this loss, I hope you were able to choose the procedure you wanted in the end. Like the girls said, we are unfortunately all in the same boat here, but it means we can support each other in a way that others can't. Look after yourself and pop by whenever you need to. Xx

Bronte - fantastic news! June will be here before you know it! Do you have to do anything before then, any appointments?

Mel - that does sound like an awesome machine! If it's working for you it's worth every penny! I use the IC opks but if DH knew how much I've spent on hpts he wouldn't be pleased. Well actually he'd probably just roll his eyes, I think he gave up trying to reason with my obsessing years ago!! :rofl:

Les - hope you're feeling better soon, and fx you get that +opk soon too.

AFM - cd 6 (yawn) but bding starts in 2 days - yey! I've been taking EPO again this cycle and already noticing more cm. I took it on the bfp cycle so fx!


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## lesondemavie

So my temp was taken at 3 am with only 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I tried to take it at 1 am but I kept coughing and spitting out the thermometer. Clearly not an accurate temp but it is all I have for today. Last cycle was the saga of the opks. This cycle it's the saga of the temps. I seriously have no clue. Guess I'll keep on temping and BDing. I feel like Monica in that one episode of friends, trying to seduce Chandler while sick. DH is way easier though :haha:


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## beemeck

hi girls! sorry I've been so MIA. at least I've been keeping busy as it's officially the tww :coffee:

jackie - welcome! :hugs: I didn't see your other post, but I'm sure I can find it easily. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can ease back into work without too much heartache. My situation was a little different with a rare ectopic (I was off for three weeks then my grandfather passed away so I was off for another week - a month in all!) but going back was super hard. In a way it was better than being at home sulking, but it mostly sucked. I work with pregnant women teaching pre-natal and post-natal education so I'm surrounded by (mostly unwanted) babies all day, every day. I really hope that your work is understanding and that your time before your next pregnancy is brief (if that's what you are hoping for!) hugs! :hugs::hugs:

tcinks - I am also so sorry for you having yet another loss. I can't even imagine. honestly my biggest fear is losing another baby so I really can't say I know what you are going through but I hope we can offer some understanding and support. I do feel like not having any living children creates a very special situation that is not the same when living children are part of the picture. I have no "real" distractions from this pain and sadness - just distractions that I put in to play and make up. I think us women here really just "get it". I hope you find that too. hugs!!! :hugs::hugs:

les - happy bday girl!!! I'm sorry you aren't feeling well and that the temps are acting up as a result. I had a fever in oct and it made my chart look awesome (in the tww). :dohh: feel better shortly !! :hugs:

mrsu - yay for bding about to begin! I am having really good vibes for you this cycle. :happydance:

bronte - I hope june is here before you know it! I'm so excited that you have a plan!!! it seems like everything else is working properly for you so I'm thinking first time ivf success! :happydance:

melissa - how frustrating about never getting that peak. I'd be like you and super questioning, but it's safe to say you o'ed and that the monitor will be all caught up next month. :haha: I almost bought one of those too! but then I started temping and realized that gave me enough of my answers. a lot of people think it's a pain though. I love it! odd, I know. It's the scientist in me I suppose. I assume you're a realtor then? How fun! and I'm like you - I just ordered an $80 dog bed (for my 8lb) dog that I know he wouldn't be thrilled with :haha: luckily we have separate accounts so :shhh: FX for you!!

afm - most of you saw my recent updates in my journal - I had my IUI on saturday, sadly the day AFTER I o'ed but the doc didn't seem worried about that. so here I am again in the TWW thinking mostly no but maybe :shrug::shrug::shrug::shrug::coffee::coffee::coffee::coffee:


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## melissakate

Bee- Even if it was the day after, the hangs around a while! So I would keep as many positive thoughts as you can. How long is your cycle? I honestly don't know when I ovulated :cry: typically day 17, but I tested on Sunday with an IC (day 17) and it was negative. At least I hope :shrug:

My husband and I actually flip houses! It's stressful, fun, frustrating and all of that in between. We also both work for an amazing non-profit, he as a fundraiser and I do recruiting (North Texas Food Bank in Dallas). We have our separate accounts for play money (that's what I bought my contraption in :happydance:) but have joint for the important stuff.

Bronte- I am saying some major prayers for you for June. That is my anniversary month, so I am a little biased, but it's a great time for good things to happen!

Miss U- We are in the same boat with the excessive purchasing of pregnancy tests! My hubs said we need stock in them lol. I still use the internet cheapies for the ovulation testing, but this monitor had to many good reviews to pass up not trying it.


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## mrs unicorn

Bee - sending all my positive thoughts your way! You need to keep your spirits up, there's no reason to lose hope yet (and hopefully there will never be a time for that) :hugs: I know you're upset about the timing (I'd be the same, wanting everything done perfectly) but if there wasn't any chance then surely they would have said and done it Friday. Truth is we never really know when conception actually happens. We always assume it's from bding before o, but it could well be after. The cycle we got our bfp was the first time we bd the day after o. It might not have been down to that, but who knows!


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## BronteForever

Bee - yes, I agree, definitely don't give up hope. I wrote a longer post on your journal, but you are definitely not out of it. It is super hard not to stress about every detail. I know I will be the exact same way when I start assisted conception. But even if this time won't work (which we are all hoping it will), you are that much closer to a positive because they will have worked out some of the issues, know how you respond, and can adjust as needed. These are all positives!

mrs u - getting closer to o time. Good luck!

Les - that's hilarious, glad your husband is more receptive than Chandler when you are sick, but yes doing anything when you don't feel well is a challenge. Good for you, for even being able to keep at it this month.

Melissa - how exciting you flip houses. I'm a huge HGTV fan, so I love any of those shows and think it would be tons of fun. However, it has to be pretty stressful at the same time and I know a ton more goes into it. Still very exciting.


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## beemeck

melissa - flipping houses - so cool!! my DH desperately wants to do that. we bought our house right after it was COMPLETELY flipped and since he saw how much money the sellers made, he's been dying to do it. He watches HGTV and he's an engineer with his PE so he claims he can sign off on drawings and such. I just don't have an interest in it and feel like it's a ton of work! so he's looking to start it up with one of his co-workers. I'm at a non profit myself, so lots in common :flower:

I usually O around day 15 to a tee. but since charting, I have o'ed between days 14-18. this cycle I took the fertility drug femara and O'ed CD 13! so this is the earliest yet for me and I'm loving it (besides the bad timing) because it's an extra 1-5 days I don't have to wait :haha:


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## beemeck

thanks girls! you know me, always trying to think the worst so I don't get my hopes up. but I am already excited for next cycle. we know how I respond to the meds now and will get the timing perfectly I'm sure. and I'll also have more testing done (saline US) so that makes me excited too in a weird way lol. I know the test won't be fun but might be able to get us some answers! honestly, just glad not to be doing this alone anymore. it's nice to think that my docs are actually waiting on my phone call to tell them if I'm knocked up or not :haha:


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## mrs unicorn

have they given you a date to test, or are they leaving you to it?


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## beemeck

I can test on the 22nd I believe. I usually start spotting at least a day before AF so my hope is that I won't end up testing at all. the months when I didn't test, I felt so much better about myself somehow. like I didn't get tricked, lol. although I should be saying I hope I DO have to test because AF isn't coming.


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## Starlight288

Hello ladies.
I'm Amber and newly recovering from a loss. We loss our baby last Friday at 14weeks due to an enlarged bladder. This was our first. I just had my d&e last night. We are also awaiting genetic testing on the tissues as an amnio that day did not work. I'm honored to be invited to this board and hope to find help in moving on.


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## mrs unicorn

Hi starlight - I'm so sorry that you have had to join us here on this board. My heart goes out to you. It's such a devastating thing to have to go through but we are all here to help you get through this and find hope once more. Take care of yourself over the next few days and weeks. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## melissakate

Amber- First off, I am so sorry you had to join this board but so thankful you found it! All of us have experience loss, while it might be in different ways, we are probably the closest people you'll talk with that "get it." Feel free to come here anytime you need to vent, ask questions, etc. As you can see we talk about all kinds of stuff :hugs:

That brings me to a question I've been having. So I am either 3-4dpo, and my ovaries have been aching and feeling kind of weird. They were abnormally painful this past ovulation period but they seem to continue on feeling sore and pull-like. Has anyone experienced that? I might give my doctor a call soon.


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## Starlight288

Thank you both for the warm welcome!! I look forward to getting to know you all.


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## beemeck

Welcome amber !! So, so sorry for your loss :( we do all "get it" here so hopefully our understanding and shared journeys can offer you some comfort <3

Melissa, for what it's worth - that happens to me all the time. Today my right ovary is still bothering me at 5dpo and it was indeed the one I ovulated from. I'm not sure exactly what causes this. I do always freak out about a tubal ectopic every month and tell myself if the pain worsens I will go to the doc, but it never does. Hopefully yours eases up too but at least it's been something that I experience too!


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## BronteForever

Amber - welcome to this group, but so sorry to have you here or that you suffered a loss in general. Feel free to talk about anything you need.

Melissa - I also have horrible ovulation pains now, and prior to my loss I'd never even felt ovulation before. Granted I do think some of mine is related to scar tissue since my ectopic surgery. But as I mentioned before I think after having been pregnant in general your body changes, your hormones change, and you'll start noticing stuff you never noticed before. One of the bad ones for me is ovulation pain and I feel the "pulling" sensation alot. Sometimes mine lasts for up to a week. Usually a few days before ovulation and then a few after. It is annoying.


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## JackieR

Hi ladies, just wanted to throw this out there... my company sponsors different employee groups one of which is a women's group. My DH suggested I reach out to them and hesitantly I did. Turns out they have a small informal support group for women who have experienced a loss. I'm going to my first meeting on Friday. Don't know if anyone else's company has these women's groups but I'm so glad I opened up and found out about it. Only a handful of people at work know about my MC but everyone of them has a story of a loved one (mother, sister, wife, best friend) who's experienced a loss. And I just found it so comforting to know all these women have gone on to have wonderful healthy families. Losses like ours touch more people than we probably realize and we don't have to suffer in silence. Support might be closer than we think. Hugs to all! <3


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## BronteForever

That's wonderful you found a local support group, Jackie. I'm sure they will be able to help and it'll be nice to chat with someone in your area. I definetly suffered in silence for many years and wished I would have joined something like this a long time ago. So it's great you are making yourself vulnerable to get the much needed support we all need.


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## lesondemavie

Glad you made it on over Amber :hugs:. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Chances are if you have a thought or feeling that you're struggling with one or more of us has been there too.

Bee - I should be testing around the same time as you! Blazing positive opk this morning, so I should O either today or tomorrow. I'm hoping today. This is so late for me! Fx we both have fantastic news to share &#128522;. I'm also going to need some massive distractions this tww. My hopes are just soaring &#128517;.

Mel - I sometimes get cramping around the time of O and then twinges and aches throughout the first week of the tww. Hope that's all it is for you. Is it both sides or just one?

Jackie - That's amazing that your work has a group like that. Thank you for reaching out and sharing. It is so very hard to suffer silently, so glad that you won't have to anymore <3

Clarinet if you're checking in, I hope you're getting the time you need to grieve and heal :hugs:

MrsU - My fellow snuggler! Thinking of you always! Hope you and DH are well and finding your footing as you get back to TTC.

Bronte - June will be here before you know it. Any upcoming distractions with derby or otherwise?


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## mrs unicorn

Jackie - that's great that you found this group. You can never have too much support, let us know how you get on.

Les & bee - I have high hopes for you guys this cycle. Crossing everything for you both! I'm about a week behind, or at least I'll be testing a week after you at the end of the month, so I'll focus on getting excited for you two!

Mel - I've always had some kind of o pain, even before TTC. Although I never knew what it was then. I also get it before and after o, often it's strongest after o. I did notice when I o'd straight after the mc it was much stronger. Hoping it's not going to be this time as I almost broke and took pain killers.

AFM - back to bding today! Yey! So excited that it's a possibility that I could be pregnant again soon. But also trying to keep a lid on my emotions. It's unlikely to happen so soon so I'm trying to not to get my hopes up. I wish that would actually work for once, I might just give up on that and get all excited each cycle! Started with some o pains today so I'm cracking open the opks just incase. Normally o is cd13 and o pains start around cd9, so the they're a day earlier than normal.


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## beemeck

jackie - that's awesome! after researching many options, I finally found a great group through a fertility yoga class I take. there is yoga and discussion and it really, really helped me. there is just something about meeting people IRL that really makes you feel connected. I hope you have the same experience with it! We can now get together and hang out outside of yoga and discuss our troubles. 

les - woo hoo! looks like maybe your cycles will be slightly longer after the loss which is probably a good thing! more time for that egg to get nice and plump! :thumbup: glad I have a tww and testing buddy! I plan to wait until the 22nd unless my chart is looking extraordinary in any way. 

mrsu - fertile week! woo hoo! :happydance: I hope we can all be in the Jan baby club together !!

bronte - when is spain coming up?? I can't remember! any other testing coming up?? :hugs::hugs:

starlight - sending you big, big hugs! :hugs: the beginning is the toughest time. :cry:

I'm just hanging out at 6dpo. about halfway done! I pretty much will know by 13dpo based on either temps or spotting. staying busy!!


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## lesondemavie

Holy temp drop! Looks like O is today on cd15 afterall...I had one cycle that late after coming off BCP, but not since then. Looks like I will be testing on the 22nd still but it will be 8 DPO and early days then. If this cycle is a no, I'll need to buy another box of opks. I've been just blowing through them lately.

MrsU - If you figure out a way to squash down these hopes, let me know. I feel like I'm mad to be so hopeful when I was so sick this whole time! I have a long way to fall right now if/when AF comes...it won't be pretty.


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## mrs unicorn

You know leson, I'm in two minds about whether it's a good thing or not to get our hopes up. Surely being positive and excited is a good thing right? But, like you say, it's further to fall. Maybe because I test early I find that it's more of a gentle let down :shrug:

8 dpo is early to test (not that I'm criticizing, I do that) so keep that in mind when you start testing. Don't let bfn at that stage upset you :hugs:


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## melissakate

MrsU- I think being positive definitely helps your body, but I do agree, it gives you harder to fall if the results aren't what you were hoping for. 

Les- That's great that you O'd right on the 15, your cycles seem to be 100% back to normal right? Crossing my fingers the TWW doesn't drive you mad! I know mine is.

Bee-woohoo for 6DPO, I think I'm 5 so I'm right behind you. I honestly don't feel good about this cycle at all. I don't think we timed it right. It's ok though, I already have a plan for next cycle and hopefully my fertility monitor will have learned my cycle. 

Bronte-it is SO annoying. I can't tell what is going on down there. Even when I first started TTC I didn't really feel O pains until after my D&C. Now I feel them leading up to O, during O, and then bad for about 3-4 days after. I hope my body calms down as time progresses.


This is a general question. Does anyone know when it makes sense to see a doctor about next steps with TTC. I tried from June-September (got my BFP that cycle) had my MMC in November. Let my cycle calm down Dec/Jan and started trying again in February. So since my MMC I've tried 3 months (including this one which I think I am out). Just wondering when I can call my doc without sounding crazy.:dohh:


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## BronteForever

Les and mrs u - I think it's virtually impossible not to get your hopes up. You can try and stay as distracted as you can, but just the fact that you are planning for a child and have no idea when it might come, makes you have some expectations and hope. Good luck girls. Les, that is quite the temp drop. Not too much longer before you can test.

Bee - not too much further until the 22nd. Exciting!

AFM - work is keeping me busy right now, so that's good. It's my busiest time of the year. I'm sure I'll have more tests coming up, but I don't have anything scheduled right now. Just in limbo and waiting, which is never fun. Our Spain trip isn't until the first and second week in June, so that will be a nice distraction. Also, still trying to lose weight, but I've had 4 events at work this week and all of them have had sweets and goodies, which is my biggest weakness. But overall, I'm resisting the majority of it, so that's good.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - I agree some hope is good, but I feel like there's a happy medium. I hate when I feel them soaring like now. I just want to have that reasonable 20% hope &#128518;

Mel - I'm actually not on track at all! The three cycles before my BFP I O'd on cd12 and my cycles were just 22 days. These post-MMC cycles are looking more like my cycles right after coming off of bcp...and those were all BFNs. Maybe that thought can help squash these soaring hopes &#128516;

Bronte - That's great you're resisting. Always so hard when it's around at the office. I constantly have parents offering me sweets when I visit for supervision. I do pretty good turning it down, but sometimes I cave. I figure moderation is the key anyway. Complete deprivation just makes it more valuable...and I'm a behavior scientist so you can trust me on that one!


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## BronteForever

Melissa - I hope it calms down for you too. If it doesn't, I'd definitely talk to your doctor at some point. In terms of when to get help, the standard guideline (and one at least in my area the RE and OBGYN follow pretty strictly) are TTC for 1 year or 6 months if you are over 35 years old. However, if you have concerns about anything in particular they will probably get you in sooner. To be honest, they will be less worried about your case though since you have conceived before, so they know you are ovulating. To me it sounds like you have a few months of trying before you even need to worry about anything. I know it's super hard, though.

Les - good to hear the behavior scientist says it's okay to have sweets every once in awhile  It's definitely about moderation for me. I did the 21 day fix and did excellent on my eating during that time, so this is kind of a cheat week for me anyway (within reason), then I'm gearing up for another cycle of it next Monday. Should be fun.


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## lesondemavie

Mel - I agree with bronte. I'm now 34. When I started TTC, my PCP and ob told me to give it at least 6 months. I caught my sticky bean on cycle 6. I had the same concern after the MMC so I asked my ob, and she said that they know something is working now and that this resets the clock. This new ob said to give it another year, but if I do that I'll be 35. I'm going to give it my best for another 6 cycles and if we're still trying by then go in and ask for more testing.


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## beemeck

melissa - I could write you an entire saga to answer that question lol! so basically I just went through this recently. My docs did want me to wait a year from when I began trying AGAIN. but due to my extreme situation (was prepped for a hysterectomy and given 3 doses of methotrexate which is a chemotherapy drug), I did not trust waiting that long. I was too worried that something had gone wrong during/after the pregnancy that was preventing pregnancy from happening. 

I read the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". The author is basically the godmother of charting. 2 things she said in the book really stuck with me. 1 - if it's been a year and you have not or are not in the middle of a sustainable pregnancy, seek help. this went against my docs telling me to wait a year from July instead of a year from March. 2 - if you are charting and timing intercourse PERFECTLY for 4 cycles without a bfp, talk to a doc. It could be nothing, but she really believes that if you know when you O and time it perfectly, it should not take beyond 4 cycles. I know now that this is a controversial point - I had posted on another thread and some girls didn't like hearing that which I understand. But for me PERSONALLY, it really resonated. I gave it 8 cycles of charting (double what she said) then pushed my docs. 

everything starts off really slow and easy - a hormone blood panel, a seme analysis - things that are really no big deal and could have super easy fixes. so that is more her point. It really made me feel better having those tests done - just felt like someone was listening to me. 

in the end, my ob was very reluctant to give me a referral "that soon", yet when I went for my first appt at the RE she was like why didn't you come sooner after the trauma your body went through? so it just goes to show the disconnect between the ob and the specialist. 

I guess my point with all of this is - do what makes YOU feel better. a lot of women hate the idea of seeking help. for me, I was ready for it 3 months in! I'm so glad I pushed my doctors and I feel SO much better about things now. :hugs::hugs:


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## melissakate

bee- Completely makes sense. I conceived on the 4th cycle of trying but, as you know, it ended in a MMC. I don't know if I just am not timing it right now or what. I've only been trying again since February (which even that cycle wasn't back to my normal 30 days/ovulation day 17). So I guess I'll give it a little time, I am just really type A and really impatient! :blush:

Les-Yea, I feel like that's pretty much what my doctor said... it restarts when I started trying again after my miscarriage. I don't know though.

I am have a really tough time emotionally this month. I've been down in the dumps almost every day, to the point of not working out my normal days, which is not normal form. :nope: I guess some months are just like that.


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## lesondemavie

Mel :hugs: so sorry you've been down, but yes I think that will just happen sometimes. I've had a lot of trouble getting back to my exercise routine since my MMC. I just find that I'm so worried about every little thing and how it might affect TTC. Really hoping this backpacking trip will bring some light and freshness back into my life. What sort of workouts do you do?


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## mrs unicorn

:hugs::hugs: Mel. Sorry you're feeling low. I think these emotions will creep back in from time to time. I also haven't done any exercise since my MMC. I just can't find the motivation, but now I'm in my fertile week I'm too scared to do anything until af anyway - apart from walking.

Going back to the doc thing, I know it's different between our 2 countries but if you want to see a doctor around the 12 month mark (from when you initially started TTC) then do that. I'd do whatever makes you feel better. I've already decided that if I'm not pregnant by October then I'll be going to a doctor (that'll be 12 cycles) although they'll probably send me away here. I wasn't aware they 'reset the clock' if you have a mc. Doesn't sound right to me, it wasn't exactly successful!

Anyway, makes me sad thinking about that. I had a terrible nights sleep last night, so my temp is up. And the time I did actually fall asleep I had a horrible dream about me and DH splitting up. I never have nice dreams about him - think he gets a bit offended sometimes :haha: also had a fairly dark opk this morning, darker than I would expect for cd9! But cm in on track with normal ov. I'll just keep testing!

TFI Friday girls :happydance:


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## melissakate

Les-I usually do cardio (2 or so miles around a lake by my house) and then resistance band training. I typically focus on arms/back, legs/glutes, abs/core at least once a week for each. I average about 125lbs but after my miscarriage dropped to about 120 and then back up to 130 when I started eating (and maybe over eating) again. I'm trying to get back to my normal weight. What kind of work outs do you do? That backpacking trip sounds amazing!!!

Mrs U- I know it's hard to get motivation. My doctor told me as long as I am not doing anything I haven't done in the past it should be fine. But I tend to worry no matter what.:wacko:

I think we will try through July and if it hasn't happened by then, I will go back to her.


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## lesondemavie

Mel - That sounds great! I also dropped 5lbs in the weeks after my MMC (I hadn't gained any while pg), but I'm back to my usual now. I used to run half marathons pretty regularly (with yoga for crosstraining), but I basically didn't ovulate at all while running. I quit last year before TTC since you know Oing is pretty key to the whole TTC thing &#128518;. I suppose I could have just cut down instead, but I wanted to build more muscle anyways. I switched over to these HIIT/Yoga/Dumbbell workouts on fitnessblender.com. I was doing those pretty regularly (and loving them) on up until the MMC, and now I can't bring myself to get back to it. I worry I did too much. DH and I walk most days in the morning with our coffee). It's not much but it's something and something I will be comfortable continuing into pregnancy. My plan is to get back into the routine but to just do the weights for muscle building.


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## mrs unicorn

So my opk was lighter today - yey! Thinking about it I don't think I've done one as early as cd9 before so maybe that always happens?! I was attempting to explain it to DH last night incase we had to adjust bding. He said 'isn't it a bit soon to get a positive pregnancy test, we've only had sex once!' :dohh: honestly I must have tried to explain ovulation and how a cycle works so many times!!! If only we could get a positive hpt this early eh! :rofl:


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## RichieesMom

may i join ladies :flower:

I'm very new, just became a member a few days ago. i had been lurking since dec tho. iv been ttc my 2nd, since my son (born nov 23rd) passed away within the hr after labor. (full term) :cry: i know its very soon but I'm crazy desperate for another (not replacing, just to love n fill my empty arms). 

anyway, so here i am! took us 2yrs 9mths of ntnp for our son. god willing it doesn't take as long again! so got my 2nd +opk today, and using preseed for the first time! its our 4th cycle. i got right to it as soon as pp af came back. of course still grieving while ttc but i need to do this. iv had insane baby fever since i found out i was pregnant last yr!

high hopes, lots of prayers but not holding my breath!


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## BronteForever

RichieesMom, I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your son. That had to be so incredibly hard to go through. I'm impressed you have the courage to get back at TTC so soon but it sounds like it's the right choice for you and helping your grieving process. Fx you have success soon.


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## lesondemavie

Richiees - Of course you can join! I'm so very sorry for your loss :hugs:. I think I can understand that feeling of needing to forge ahead even though you're still grieving. Hopefully TTC speed the process up and you're holding healthy baby #2 before you know it...but of course your first will alway be here in your heart.

MrsU - So very happy the opk went negative again. I thought it would! So strange how we're going through so many of the same things! Looks like you are gearing up to O now though! Fx that little egg is super strong and catches the best little spermy in the sea! &#128518;

AFM: 3 DPO and just twiddling my thumbs over here waiting to test. My birthday backpacking was amazingly beautiful (link to photos in my journal). It was spring incarnate and I loved every second, even the sore feet after &#128516;. We also just put an offer in on a dream house. They already have 2 offers, and they're supposed to sit down and decide tomorrow. We came in slightly over asking (I'm just so sick of losing houses I love) and our condo is just a week away from closing so fx they pick us!!! That would definitely be a good distraction for the week.


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## BronteForever

Les - your photos for your backpacking trip looked gorgeous. So glad you had a great time. How exciting you put an offer in on a house. Fx for you.


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## RichieesMom

bronteforever, thank u doll. there really isn't any words to describe the enormous pain in my soul, but i tell everyone this...gods plan is better than mine! i know he's fine, iv seen him many times in my dreams! as well as his future baby sister! super weird bcuz we want another boy, so thats what i have in my head, boy, boy, boy lol. but iv seen a baby girl who looks just like her brother in my sleep, twice! hey ill take her! 

lesondemavie, thank u very much for ur kind words :) i reeeeally hope my time is cut short by actually "trying" this time. should be 1dpo tomorrow IF i have a temp spike in the am (last +opk and O pain was yesterday) soooo here i go again! 

fx and lots of prayers for us all!


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## mrs unicorn

Hi richeesmom - I am so so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the kind of heartbreak you have had to endure. I also understand wanting to get back to TTC again. Fx it happens quickly for you :hugs:

Leson - wooooo about the house! Is it the one you were telling me about a few weeks back? Needed quite a bit of work? We had to put a higher offer in on the house we have, but it was worth every penny, we love it! Fx for you, so exciting! Your trip looks so beautiful. Just gorgeous pics. And ahhh you're in the tww! I shall be joining you in a couple of days. Had a very +opk this morning so I'm hoping for ov tomorrow not today! I need to keep busy, I have a feeling this one is going to drive me mad!!!

Bee - hope you're doing ok and keeping yourself busy! Xx


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## lesondemavie

Richees - Hooray another tww buddy! Hope you get that little girl soon! &#10084;&#65039;

MrsU - No, it's a different house on the same street. This one is completely landscaped and has wood floors and window finishings. We wouldn't have to do a thing. It's gorgeous, but more expensive. DH has a hard time spending, so it took some convincing, but it's still in budget and he could see us there so the offer went in and we should know by tomorrow. Glad you'll be joining us all in the tww soon. I'm already wishing I could fast forward to this weekend!


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## RichieesMom

thank u miss unicorn, appreciate u doll.

les, no temp spike today :nope: I'm stressing out already! hopefully by tomorrow morning, then i can be in the ttw! well, my normal temp (sorry, i don't chart on here) is 97.8-98.0. this morning it was 98.2. n for no reason at all (so dumb) i stayed in bed about 15 more mins, temped again (again, idk y!). n it was back at 98.0 so i guess tomorrow morning i will know for sure. ugh pleeeezz be higher tomorrow!

i didn't realize temping could be so stressful! this is my first month doing it. maybe i just discovered I'm not ovulating very much, which could be y it took so long to conceive before (or I'm just being overly paranoid :wacko:)? fml, n i can't even see me doc yet due to no insurance at the moment. will work on that next week.


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## mrs unicorn

Richees have you tried using opks as well? I find they help a lot even if the temps aren't perfect, might help you to stop stressing a bit. I think I would if I were just temping!


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## beemeck

richiee - welcome love. your story is so heartbreaking and I'm so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine your grief. even though my situation was much different, I was ready to try the day after losing the baby. I just wanted to be pregnant again. I still (a year later) struggle with feelings of guilt, but I know that I will never, ever forget or stop loving my first. charting is a little tough at first - honestly my first two charts weren't that accurate now that I know my cycle in and out (temp-wise). try just going with that exact first temperature. it's silly, but it can change so much in a minute or two. Opening your mouth let's out some hot air, which is probably why it was a bit lower the second time. I guess more than anything, consistency will be the key. I hope you get some answers about your cycles!

les - FX they accept your offer! I do not miss that process at all - ugh. It was so cutthroat when we bought too, and I hated being so rushed all the time. our house was finally the 4th house we put an offer on. It's still a starter home, so I dread going through that process again down the road. especially because DH and I are so different (he doesn't like to spend either) so I'm wishing you all the luck that this is it for you!

bronte - hi :hugs::hugs: thinking of you and hoping that you are keeping busy and doing all the pre-kid things you want to do because I'm thinking you'll be pregnant in 2 months....!

unicorn - hi! yay for approaching o!!! :happydance::happydance: hoping this is your bfp cycle!! :hugs:

melissa - how are you feeling?

I'm 10dpo, 9dpiui. my chart is looking amazing but the doc did say that the femara would make a really good O which in turn would help my progesterone. I still feel super out due to the bad timing so I'm not paying any mind to my chart. just trying to stay focused on looking forward to next cycle.


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## BronteForever

RicheesMom - I never had success with temping either, but my biggest issue was consistency. I don't work the same time everyday and in turn I never sleep the same amount during the night. I get up frequently, etc. All these things affected my temps and didn't give me a clear picture. It stressed me out too much as well. Others on here it seems to give them peace because of the consistency and control of it. It's totally a personal choice. Keep trying and definitely add on opk's if you can. 

Bee - thanks so much. I'm getting excited to start! I still have my Fx for you. Only a few more days till testing time and you'll have your answer. YES!!! If it doesn't work, can you get right back at it or do they require you to wait at least one cycle in between?


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## RichieesMom

mrs. unicorn- i do use opks (first time as well). had a positive opk the 15th n 16th. i deff need more practice with it all, but ill get there! 

how much of a spike is normal anyway?

beemeck- thank u so much. I'm sorry too. a loss is a loss. all ur heart n soul is there the second u get that bfp forever. 

ill get all my ducks in a row soon enough! already not feeling good about this month, so hurry up May!

brontefoever- consistency, ugh, yes! i haven't been temping at the same time every morning which i read is a big deal. dh gets home around 3-4am from work every night, so sometimes ill temp then (if i remember) or before i get up later in the am. so annoying. i need to set an alarm, but i hate waking him up with the noise (he gets grumpy) lol. but I'm thinking an alarm it is, sorry hubby!


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## beemeck

richiees - I would say the different time might be what the problem is! my temp is vastly different from say 3am to 6am! bronte brought up a good point though and it might be more stress than it's worth if your waking time is inconsistent. the first 2 months I temped were a crapshoot of figuring out how everything work, but settled down easily for me since my schedule is consistent. do what works best for you love <3

bronte - I will be jumping head first (actually maybe the other way :blush:) into the next round! I'll start with a saline ultrasound at the end of AF (while taking femara again too) then another IUI (barring any extraordinary results from ultrasound). this time, I will get the timing right!


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## melissakate

Welcome Richie! We are so glad you found us and hope you get your BFP as soon as your body is ready!

les- your trip looked AMAZING! So sunny and beautiful! 

Bee- I am doing ok. Trying not to stress about get my BFP. 8dpo. I have tons of IC so I do test in the morning just for fun. It's getting to the point now that the BFN doesn't bother me because I kind of anticipate them. 

Bronte-Enjoy the next to months pre-baby, because like the others, I have a good feeling about June!

Right now I am just trying to coordinate my mom and brother getting home to The Woodlands (northwest Houston) safely from a college campus tour in Ohio. Their flight is cancelled because Houston is basically underwater. My hopes is that they detour through Dallas and try to relax a little with us. Prayers are welcome :nope:


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## beemeck

oh and richiee - if you are using fahrenheit, they say to look for a 0.4 jump for the temp spike. although sometimes I have even less. all you can do at the beginning is put temps in every day and the nice thing is that FF will interpret them for you before you get the hang of it all!


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## beemeck

oh no melissa! sending positive vibes your way for sure :hugs: may I ask what college in Ohio?? I went to college in Ohio!


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## BronteForever

Bee - so exciting you can get started right away again (though we hope that doesn't happen and you get your BFP soon). You'll get the timing perfect this time after having one round and knowing a lot more what to expect. You are much more prepared now.

Melissa - sounds intense for your family to get back. Hope the campus tour went well and they get home safely.

I think almost everyone is in the TWW. We need some positives in the next few months ladies!!

Things are starting to get real for me. We finally settled on a package (huge decision for us) and are doing 2 fresh cycles and unlimited frozen cycles. Hopefully we won't need them, but I will have more peace of mind paying extra upfront just in case. Now I'm applying to every program I can to try to get cheaper meds, since those things are expensive and I need to start preparing myself or my husband to do injections, which sound awful. Plus, I'm definitely trying to get some relaxation time in there as well. I'm looking for an acupuncturist that specializes in fertility issues to help. Though simply de-stressing is nice as well.


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## mrs unicorn

Richees - it took my a couple of cycles to feel confident with opks and getting the timing right etc. Just discovered this cycle I can get a positive at 8am! Like bee said, the spike can vary. I tend to have a slow rise, so smaller steps up over a few days post ov, but it does vary like my last cycle! I guess the most important times are a few days before ov and after so you don't have to set an alarm for the whole cycle.

Mel - that sounds awful. I hope your family make it to you safely.

Bee - been thinking about you the past few days. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Bronte - sounds like your getting everything organised which is very exciting! De-stressing sounds good too. Xx

Fx we get some good news on this thread in the next few days/weeks!!


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## RichieesMom

beemeck and mrs unicorn- ill get the hang of it all soon (i hope)! i do need to start setting an alarm n hold me pee alil longer. i get up at least 3 times thru out the night (weak bladder thanks to my :baby:). all the action thru out the night is a problem i suppose. 

melissakate- thanks babe, glad i found everyone too! helps a lot!


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## melissakate

Bee- My brother is looking at The College of Wooster. It's a small private school an hour outside of Cleveland. He currently goes to a really small private HS in The Woodlands and wants to maintain that intimacy when transitioning to college. My dad is an engineer and he's thinking that is the direction he will go! So excited for him. I went to Texas A&M which is the opposite of intimate lol. So I can't relate.


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## lesondemavie

Love all my TWWers here! Getting so close fx for that next step (again) ladies!

Bee - I'm so hopeful for your future whether it's this month or next. I just know it's coming soon! Still really hope it's this month <3

Mel - I hope everyone is ok! I heard the flooding is really bad out there. Fx you have a happy distraction soon!

MrsU - Rooting on that O for you. We need another tww buddy!

Bronte - Hooray for getting excited. That sounds like a great package. That Europe trip will be a great hurrah before you're totally preggars :).

Richees - Do you have a chart to share? I'm having a hard time visualizing your pattern. I wake up a few times a night so I just temp every time I wake first thing. It gives me a nice idea of how my temps typically rise over the night so I can adjust if needed, and it helps when unexpected things happen.

Speaking of unexpected things, three temps in a row now I've had a higher temp at 1 am than I do at 4 am. Super weird for me. I've been super hot at 1 am and throwing the blankets off of me, so maybe that's affecting things? I'm plotting the 1 am temp for now without adjusting. I just don't trust the 4 am temp.

Should hear about the house tomorrow. I feel like we would have heard tonight if it was good news, but maybe they're mulling it over. I felt some minor cramping on my right side. Too early for implantation, but can't help but hope that it's a little bean traveling down getting ready to dig in. I feel like my hopes keep soaring and then I kill them and then something else get them up again. Hooray for the rollercoaster of the tww. Fx it's my last for a long while!


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## lesondemavie

...and onto a bidding war it is...*sigh*


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## mrs unicorn

Leson you are up too late my love. Hope this bidding war is over soon. They are not nice. Luckily most people frown upon them here so we just had one round of final bids. Fx for you!! Xxx


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## mrs unicorn

Thinking I might have o'd yesterday now. Well, actually I don't know what to think! Had a decent temp rise and 3 out of the 4 opks I've done today (yes, I know, complete poas addict) are negative. Maybe the mc has tweaked things a bit. Pre mc I never had any kind of temp rise until after ov, but I had a bit of one last cycle. But then I've got some o pains today :shrug: Feel a bit annoyed that I have to re-learn everything. All my telltale signs have changed! :dohh:


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## lesondemavie

Hmmm yea MrsU hard to say. Your temp is where it was day of O last time. So it could still be today. Best cover your bases! ;)

Oh and also it sounds like it will just be one round of final bids. I was up far too late worrying about it. The email buzzed just as I was nodding off. Now to figure out how to convince DH to offer a bit more :dohh:. I think we'll write a letter about us too...to personalize it. Fx


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## mrs unicorn

Yeah I've been trying to figure it out all day but fat lot of good that does! Just going to 'cover all bases' like you say.

oh that's good, one round isn't too bad. Yes, writing a letter is a great idea! Good luck persuading DH. What is with men and not spending money?! I think the only way DH agreed to put up more for this house was that we lost out on 2 before it by not upping our offer enough. It all worked out for the best though. When will you find out? Hopefully they won't keep you waiting too long.


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## lesondemavie

All offers need to be in by 6 pm on Wednesday. They had 6 offers in total and the highest was exactly what I told DH we should offer! I'm guessing we'll hear back on Wednesday night.


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## mrs unicorn

eeeek! Good luck! Think I told you before that our offer wasn't the highest, although we didn't know that until after it was accepted, it was still 5K above the asking price! The seller said she picked us as we were very 'gushing' about the house, so I'm thinking you sending a letter could really help!


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## lesondemavie

DH crunched the numbers and agreed! We actually both came up with the same number to offer independently! We will likely still be outbid though so hoping that letter seals the deal! The highest offer is already 10k above asking &#128513;


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## mrs unicorn

That's great. If you do get it then at least you'll both be comfortable with how much you paid. Try not to stress out waiting for the call weds/thurs. The waiting is the worst isn't it (like we don't know about waiting around for things to happen that are out of our control!!)


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## RichieesMom

les, i did make one on ff yesterday (had just been writing it down in a journal). but I'm not at all happy with it. just doesn't look consistant n reliable :dohh: so I'm just gonna start over next month correctly! my temp today did rise a tad. sorry I'm not more helpful this round for ya'll n myself!

I'm just gonna take it that i did ovulate n start the waiting game! i'll look into getting my insurance together again n pay a visit to my doc just incase. she did tell me to try for a yr before asking for help but i refuse!

best of luck on ur bidding war!!


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## RichieesMom

posted my chart anyway, but i feel something is off to me! idk if i did it right or didn't input enough info..? any thoughts?


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## mrs unicorn

Richiees we can't see it!! I think you have to change the sharing settings in FF?


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## RichieesMom

i know! I'm trying to change it but can't figure it out! lol


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## melissakate

So, I have to tell you guys (because I am NOT going to make this a big deal to my husband as he gets tired of my symptom spotting shenanigans) but I was walking back down the hallway to my office today and had a sudden ... I mean like 2-3 seconds, of really sharp pains in my lower abdomen. Made me wince. 

I am 9dpo and NOT getting my hopes up too high, but it's not a feeling I have every month for sure.:dohh:


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## lesondemavie

Mel - I had a feeling like that my first cycle TTC around 6 DPO and it turned out to be a bfn. Just sharing so you can moderate those hopes, but I'm still rooting and cheering over here that it means something different for you!!! &#10084;&#65039;


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## BronteForever

Les - Fx for the house. Sounds stressful but at least they gave the option to have bids come in and it wasn't outright that you were overbid. It's definetly a plus that you and your husband are on the same page with your latest bid. Good luck. Hope the letter helps seal the deal. You are an excellent writer so it definetly couldn't hurt. 

Mel - good luck. Hope it's a positive sign for you. Everybody's body is different and we are due for some good news on this thread!!

mrs u. - that's frustrating your temps and opks aren't lining up how you'd anticipated. But relearning about your cycles shouldn't take too long. And if you are off a bit on the prediction as long as you BD in the window then it doesn't matter too much the exact date you ovulate. Good luck as you enter the TWW. 

Richeesmom - these ladies are charting pros. So if you can get the chart to show they can definetly help you to understand it. Good luck this month.


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## lesondemavie

Richees - If you select the "sharing" tab and then get code, you can copy and paste the bbCode in your signature here and that should do the trick.

Thanks all for the well wishes. Things are looking promising! Looks like we're one of just two offers with 20% down. I'm starting to think that we're one of the stronger buyers in a pool of similar offers. If that's the case, we have such a good shot! :happydance:

...and once again darn these soaring hopes! Could you imagine a house and a BFP in the same week this birthaversary month? It would be the best ever!


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## mrs unicorn

So I think I'm 2dpo :dohh: My temps at 1&2dpo are almost indentical to my pre mc cycles. When I put a temp in for tomorrow I got CHs at cd12. Annoyed though! I wanted to bd the day before ov, but whatever, it's done now. At least this cycle should be a day shorter and I know this is a possibility for next cycle. (Not hopeful whatsoever, although I'll still be testing!!!)

Mel - fx for you!! I was like Leson, I would have stabbing pains in all my bfn cycles but nothing on the bfp! My body drives me mad sometimes. Are you going to be testing or waiting it out?


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## beemeck

les - good luck eek!!!! hope you get BOTH of the things you want this month! :hugs::hugs:

mel - good luck and I hope that is a sign for you! In the past year, I've had every pregnancy symptom imaginable in the TWW - it's maddening. and Wooster! I have a number of friends that went there (that I met after college). I also went to school in Cleveland. I wonder if he will pick it! Keep us posted on their journey - hoping they are safe and sound now. :hugs:

bronte - one more test left and then it's going to be go time for you before you know it! hooray!!! :happydance::happydance:

mrsu - 2 dpo woo hoo :happydance: welcome to the TWW. I love when I O early, I know it's silly but I get so excited about those one or two days can shave off lol 

richiees - If you figure out how to post your chart, we would be happy to look at it for you!

AFM - AF is brewing. temp is starting to drop. she will be here saturday. I just hope I finally have a cycle with no pre AF spotting. that will make me happy. I'm not surprised this cycle is a bust due to the bad timing of the IUI. I'm very anxious about next cycle. Since AF will start on a weekend, I'll have to call saturday, leave a message, and then wait for their call back on Monday which will be the same day I need to start my meds. I just wanted to go in and sit down and talk to the doc about the plan. See if they want to increase my dosage (they originally wanted me on 5mg femara but I requested the 2.5) to produce more than one egg and increase the chances. and I want to show them my chart and say that we need to have the first ultrasound on CD 12 at the very least. all of this feels very rushed now - eek!


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## mrs unicorn

Bee - can you call them Friday and book an appointment for Monday to chat about your plan and explain you'll need to start your meds that day? If af is going to arrive, chances are you'll have a pretty good idea by then? It might not feel quite so rushed then. x


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## beemeck

yes that is my plan. they told me not to test until Saturday because of the trigger so I'm wondering if they will shrug me off. they also told me not to temp so saying that my temp is way down might not work either :dohh::haha: but hopefully they listen I mean worse case scenario we could always cancel Monday's appt if we had to!


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## melissakate

bee- I think he will be going to Wooster. He likes the idea of a smaller college. He also got into Columbia and TCU but the idea of both overwhelm him. We will see! :) 

Les- Fingers crossed on the house! We are about to close on one of our flip houses and the whole process is daunting, even when it isn't a house you live in or house you want. I'll say some prayers that your birthday month is extra special!:happydance:


I broke down and called my doctor about next steps. She was actually very accommodating and recommended that I go in and get blood work done the 2-4 day of my cycle so we can check all my hormone levels. She said that is the first step in the process. So we will see next week when I get them done!:wacko:


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## beemeck

that's great melissa! super awesome that they were very accommodating - it can go either way. there are def a lot of very simple tests that can be done to rule things out so good luck to you! :hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

Guys I'm having such a rough day and I don't know why. I've been crying on and off for about 4 hours. Maybe it's the shift in hormones post ov, but it's not like me. Although I feel like I don't know who 'me' is anymore. I hate that this has changed me and my outlook on things. I've been trying so hard to not think about it or stress about things. Just really didn't expect this to happen again now. I can't bear the thought of being like this every cycle.


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## lesondemavie

Awww MrsU :hugs: you won't be like this every cycle girl! You and I are sadly on such similar paths. I was right where you are my first cycle back actively trying. The tears took me by surprise. I'm much happier and hopeful this second time around. It's just another phase to move through and past. It is such an odd mix to ache for the baby you lost and the one you hope to have all at once. There are happier times ahead &#127774;:hugs2:

Actually come to think of it...it was right around 2-3 DPO for me too. Right when I normally get a spike in anxiety, but instead it was sadness and tears. Definitely in part the hormones messing with me (and you too!).


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks Leson. I do remember you having a rough few days, I kept telling myself it's probably normal given that you went through it too. It has taken me by surprise though. All my fears and anxieties seem to have reappeared. Need to pull myself together!


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## RichieesMom

i followed the instruction another woman gave me for posting my chart but for some reason it still isn't showing :growled: dh will have to figure it out for me later. according to it, i am 4dpo.

buuuut my temp has risen n staying up so i assume i did O. 

mrs unicorn, i hope u feel better babe :hugs: iv been waking up very emotional the last few days. but i always get this way when the 23rd of every month comes around. my son will be 5mths old in heaven this sat :cry: 

head up luv, everything will work out eventually for us all. fx n prayers for all of us hurt but hopeful women!


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks richiees. Sending you lots of :hugs::hugs: such horrible milestones we have to work through.

I can see a wheel chart on your link but not a temp chart. If they are up then sounds like you did o. Yey!


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## RichieesMom

very difficult milestones indeed! 

we went to babyland the other day (thats where all the babies r at the cemetery) n saw that richiee had a new neighbor. my heart dropped for whoever's family that is. 

i never told u all what happen did i? well now that I'm quite comfortable with u ladies y not. my sons windpipe didn't develop correctly. leaving him unable to breath on his own (they weren't able to incubate him either bcuz of how it was oddly shaped). poor baby :cry: he was trying to cry (very little sounds every several seconds). i asked the doc in a panic, is it suppose to take this long n he just shook his head no. i started flipping out as they rushed him to the nicu (dh went down with him). then about 35mins later they rushed me down bcuz they coded him n wanted me to be with him when he passed. it was so surreal. like a real life nightmare. everyone was shocked. we all, including the doc had no idea. apparently u can't see a trachea on ultrasound. 

so that was it. went in prepared for the best day of my life, n left as a childless mother. I'm so sorry if I'm bringing anyone down. feels kinda good letting it out to u all tho.

BUT, god saw how distraught i was n let him visit me in a dream (my first dream of him) n i saw that he was just fine! a man (idk who this man was) told me to look up, n the clouds opened up in the sky. i saw beautiful pastel colors n angels flying down to the right n left. n down the middle came my baby with a smile on his face, straight to my arms! he didn't have wings like the angels. i did research and found out that angels r perfect, holy beings that never lived on earth. SAINTS, as they r called, r humans on earth, who have passed away n r now in heaven. which explained y my baby didn't have wings like the angels flying on each side of him. 

since the night of that dream, i have felt peace in my heart about it all. i literally woke up n just felt different. peace! still very sad of course, but i was shown that everything it just fine. the dream told me, don't worry mommy! :)

which brings me back to u ladies, this journey is very very hard. but its a necessary one for us. gods plan is better than ours. we r stronger than anyone out there bcuz of our struggle. those who mourn r blessed, for the lord comforts them.


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## lesondemavie

Richees - Thank you so much for sharing your story with us :hugs:. I'm so very touched and incredibly saddened that you lost your baby so suddenly in that way. I'm so glad that you found our little support group and thankful to have your support too <3


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## lesondemavie

Bee - I can understand how your head must be spinning. I hope you get that appointment and can talk through a plan. I know I always feel better with a plan in hand too. I hope you get a surprise and don't need it, but still it always feels better to have some control anyway. You and DH sound like super baby makers. I'm sure it will happen within 1-3 cycles for you now with IUI. If not this cycle, then soon girl...and it will all be worth it when you're holding that LO :baby: <3

Mel - Glad your doc's office was so sweet and helpful. That's fantastic! I'm going in August if we're still TTC. There's no way I'm waiting another year to get the ball rolling. I want a BFP or a baby or something figured out before I'm 35! &#128513;

Bronte - Hope you're doing well! Any fun plans for the weekend while you wait both for the tww and you amazing June adventures? When is AF due for you?

AFM: :coffee: on the house and the baby still. I'm going to go cuddle with DH and our furkids and try to relax until we get our answers. There may be tears either way in the next few days &#128517;


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## RichieesMom

les, im sooo glad i found u girls here. exactly what i needed. sending good vibes to u with ur waiting game!


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## mrs unicorn

Richiees - thank you for sharing your story. It brought tears to my eyes. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through something so terrible. Quite frankly it amazes me how 'well' you are doing. I know we all have good and bad days and I'm sure you are no different in that. I guess we are stronger for it. It's tempting to throw the towel in sometimes when your emotions get the better of you, but then you've given up haven't you? I don't think there's one person on this board that is prepared to give up, even if we do have wobbles from time to time. Xx

Bee - hang in there hun. Fx you manage to book that appointment in advance. I'm a planner too so I understand the need to get things organised. I hope you don't need that appointment but if you do, like Leson said, I'm certain it won't be long before you get your bfp.

Leson - fx for both things! Such exciting times. You've got a busy few days then? Have you heard anything on the house yet? Are you still planning on testing tomorrow?

Mel - great news your doc is supportive. I don't know much about the testing process (only what I've learnt from these boards) but I know you'll get plenty of info and support from some of these girls who been through it. Xx


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## RichieesMom

mrs unicorn, if i hadn't had that dream (i think a couple mths after), i wouldn't have made it. i swear, it just helped me so much. n perfect timing too bcuz my grieving was insane! dh would always ask if i wanted to be taking to the hospital for a sedative bcuz he just didn't know what to do for me anymore. i will say, the first week after, i don't remember much, i was prescribed valum but stopped taking them after that first week buz i wanted to be pregnant again asap. theres just no way i would of made it thru that week on my own without any "help". i still deff have my moments, at least 2 days out of the week, where i wake up crying n go to bed crying. i still can't go in his room yet. all his unused baby shower gifts guts me to no end (tons of cloths, 2 baby tubs, lots of blankets, diapers, etc). i still haven't unpacked his diaper bag! 

But that dream saved me. n the others iv had, but that first one was the game changer. there like lil reminders once n awhile that he's ok. n then randomly dreaming of a baby girl (twice!) that looks just like him made me see my baby making isn't over! i didn't even want a girl, i was very boy crazy when she came to me! it may be 3, 4, 5 years before she comes along, but I'm ready when she's ready. 

its gonna be a very frustrating time ahead, n i still have gallons of tears to shed. but i and all of us, :friends: thru hope, faith, n love, will make it thru baring gifts! :baby:


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## mrs unicorn

:hugs: you're an inspiration richiees :hugs: I'm so glad that you have found some comfort in your dreams. They can be so very powerful.


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## RichieesMom

thanks :) dh is also very happy that i found u ladies too. he doesn't get bothered with my constant baby talk anymore! ill obsess over something now (lately, wanting to look into clomid) n he's like ugghhh, go talk to ur friends! lol


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## mrs unicorn

Haha! Yes it's great to have a place where we can obsess/stress/worry or just get all the thoughts and feelings out. I try not to talk to DH about it too much, it's different for men I think. Although last night he asked me if I felt any different yet. It's waaayyyyy to early and I didn't really feel any different until I was 5.5/6 weeks anyway. I think he must be feeling a touch impatient/eager too now because he has never asked anything like that before. Infact he doesn't ask about testing or when af is due. I think it's going to be harder for him now, whereas before he was easy come easy go.


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## RichieesMom

thats good he asked, he's catching the baby bug too! but ur right, it is diff for the men. dh wanted to wait awhile before trying again. n inside i was like hooooooww can he want to wait? y isn't he as anxious as me? but then again, he wasn't the one who carried, wasn't the one who felt all the hiccups, knew exactly when the baby would fall asleep n when he would be waking up. it was weird how even in my tummy he already had a sleep schedule lol. dh is such a mans man. after 5 yrs together, first time iv EVER seen him cry was after labor. but now after my constant baby talk and a few failed attempts, he's caught the bug too! he's the type of person who gets angry when he can't finish what he's started working on(in anything, his business, odd house work, doing his hair! lol). 

i actually didn't realize i was pregnant till i was 14 weeks! i use to have irregular periods (but since giving birth they've been very reg) so skipping a month or 2 was the norm for me. n i chalked up my sore boobs to sleeping on them (implants) but other than the sore bbs n missed period, no other symptoms!. so like u, i don't expect to feel any diff for bit. 

im glad ur dh is starting to feel the anxiousness, it helps alil so how!


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## lesondemavie

We had to come up another 5k &#128513; but it looks like the house is ours :yipee: :wohoo: :happydance:!!! Now just for that BFP &#128517;&#128525;


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## mrs unicorn

wooooooooooo thats amazing news!! :happydance::dance::yipee: I'm so chuffed for you! xxxx


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## beemeck

richiees - thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm sure it's not an easy one to share. It is really heartbreaking but I'm so glad you had that dream that was able to give you some comfort. :hugs: I always get emotional sharing my story for the first time to someone, but then after that initial distress, I'm able to talk about it more freely. sending you tons of hugs and hoping you get your rainbow baby very soon :hugs::hugs:

les - that's amazing!! woo hoo!!!! good things come in threes - right?!

mrs u- so sorry again that you were down yesterday. I hope that THIS is THE cycle!!! I can't wait until the hard, lonely, sad days are behind us :hugs:

AF is walking down the street and about to knock on my door! I see her out the window! :haha: lol temp drop, cramps and some yellow cm that will turn to spotting later today. If there's anything I know, it's this drill by now. :coffee:


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - It was just like you said. There were two higher bidders, but they loved our letter and want to sell to us! The revised offer went over this morning. I'm still not going to fully believe it until they sign our offer and our loan is approved, but so excited that we're moving forward!&#127774;&#128526;


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## BronteForever

RicheesMom - sending you huge hugs. Thanks so much for sharing your story. It definitely can be cathartic to share and get everything out there. It's much healthier than bottling up all your emotions. Everything you have gone through has to be incredibly hard for you. I hope Richee gets a baby sister that he can look down on from above soon. Dreams can be very powerful messages to the future sometimes. Best wishes.

Les - just saw your other post, so exciting. Yay for the letter sealing the deal. I'm so anxious for you and hope you get a house and baby back-to-back. Big life changes always seem to come in groups, at least for me.

AF is due next week for me, but I've been kind of sporadic with my cycles a bit, so spotting should start soon. I don't have any weekend plans, but I'm keeping super busy with work lately. I'm excited for a nice, relaxing weekend.


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## RichieesMom

bee, thank u. i was very teary eyed while typing, but the openness feels good with such amazing support from ya'll. I'm sorry af is approaching babe. I'm not feeling very positive about this month either. so on to the next!

les, hyfr (hell yeah, f****** right lol)!!!!!!!!!! :dance:

bronte, thanks luv :) he will deff get his lil sibling, just a matter of time. speaking of time, june is coming around the corner!


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## melissakate

Les-congrats on the house! I know that has to be a relief. Continuing to cross my fingers for your BFP.

Bee-Sorry about AF. But I just know next month timing will be right!

Richeesmom- I am so glad you are finding comfort and that you are ready to move forward. I know that it has to be so hard but that you will know when the time is right.

Bronte- What are your plans between now and June? I think you have a vacation coming up? Hope you get all the non-baby stuff in before then because I am so excited and hopeful for you!

As for me- I got a VVVVFP today at 11dpo! I am CAUTIOUSLY optimistic because before my MMC I had 2 chemicals 2 months in a row. I will keep you updated!:happydance:


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## mrs unicorn

Oh my gosh Mel!?!? Have you got a picture (sorry but I love looking at them!) fx for you lovely! So exciting! This thread is cheering me right up!


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## melissakate

mrs unicorn said:


> Oh my gosh Mel!?!? Have you got a picture (sorry but I love looking at them!) fx for you lovely! So exciting! This thread is cheering me right up!

I'm not sure you to post a picture :dohh: This was mid day test. Let me try a longer hold and get a better picture and if I can figure out how to post here I will!
:shrug:


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## mrs unicorn

You have to click advanced reply, then there's an attachment button there. Totally understand your cautiousness hun, keeping everything crossed for you.


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## BronteForever

Mel - have lots of fingers crossed for you. I really hope it's a positive, and it's a sticky bean. I'll be cautiously optimistic with you. So just a small "yay" should do for now. 

I really should plan something to do in the next few months, so time doesn't feel like it's moving as slowly. I work at a library and it's getting ready to be our busy season, so there's lots to do at work. That helps. Vacation isn't until the beginning of June. I'm working out a bunch, trying to get healthier, lose weight, and get my body ready for a baby. That helps keep me focused as well.

Anyway, good luck!


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - I've been trying to find things to occupy me too. We're doing a bit of DIY in the yard so it'll be nice to sit out there when the weather improves. I also crochet (I'm such a granny!) I can't bring myself to make any baby stuff again so I'm making blankets! We don't need any, we have quite a collection already! Do you have any hobbies?


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## melissakate

Ok tell me if you guys can see the attachment. Picture take about 2 mins after test. Again- cautiously optimistic!
 



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## mrs unicorn

Yes I can see it and that line! Oh I really hope this is your sticky bean hun. Cautiously optimistic is good. Let's keep everything crossed for you and think positive. When would af be due?


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## melissakate

mrs unicorn said:


> Yes I can see it and that line! Oh I really hope this is your sticky bean hun. Cautiously optimistic is good. Let's keep everything crossed for you and think positive. When would af be due?

AF is due on Sunday. I'm glad someone else can see it! Sometimes I feel like I want a line to be there so bad I make it up!:blush:


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## lesondemavie

I see it girl!!! Do you have a pink dye test?


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## melissakate

lesondemavie said:


> I see it girl!!! Do you have a pink dye test?

I have my IC at home. I happen to have this one in my bag at work and have been having a burning aching back/hot flashes/achy hips and legs and thought, why not test.

I will take an IC when I get home. It might just be a blue dye run. That's why I'm not getting my hopes up. But it did come across immediately:wacko:


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## lesondemavie

Idk it looks like my blue dye test at 10 DPO my BFP cycle. So cautiously excited for you!!! Will check in tonight for more news &#128522;


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## melissakate

lesondemavie said:


> Idk it looks like my blue dye test at 10 DPO my BFP cycle. So cautiously excited for you!!! Will check in tonight for more news &#128522;

Oh, I am hoping so! My husbands 30th birthday is this next week. It would be so fun to tell him then! 

I will keep you guys up to date. If it isn't positive, and this is a mean evap, I still know I have my appointment Monday!


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## RichieesMom

mel, thats awesome!!!! everything crossed for u babe!!! i guess that pain u felt the other day was something to be excited about!


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## lesondemavie

Mel - Any news? Did you try the IC?


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## melissakate

Looking like it was a terrible evap. Took a IC and BFN. but it's ok, i prepared myself for that. On to the next month. My mom is actually here for the weekend so she myself and my sister in law grabbed dinner and drinks.


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## BronteForever

Mel - I'm so sorry. Stupid evap lines. So frustrating. I'll still remain optimistic for you. If it's not this month, then soon.


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## mrs unicorn

Mel I'm sorry hun. Cannot believe that was an evap though! Those tests should be banned, it was so obviously a line. Hope you're ok?


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## mrs unicorn

MINI RANT WARNING - on facebook this morning and someone (who knows about the mc) has put 'this time last year I was buying my first lot of maternity clothes!' with a preggo picture of her. I mean I know I shouldn't expect people to edit there lives for my sake, but really, is that necessary?! I'm getting good at dealing with the amount of sh*t she puts online about motherhood etc etc (most of the time she's complaining about her child and how hard her life is now) but this has got me today. It's even started to get to DH and he's a 'water off a ducks back' kind of person when it comes to her. I can feel the anger bubbling up inside of me. I honestly think I might have to 'de-friend' her. I haven't yet because she's married to DHs best mate who is an absolute love - god knows why he married her, she's so self-centered and has an unbearably massive ego. Anyway, sorry guys, just needed to get it out, you know how it is :brat::hissy::growlmad:


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## mrs unicorn

Great, now I'm flippin crying again. FML.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - You can "unfollow" her without "unfriending" her. She won't know a thing and you'll stop seeing her nonsense in your feed. I pretty much unfollowed all of my friends who are pregnant or moms who complain. That way I can still go check in on their profiles when I'm ready and I don't hurt anyone's feelings. I checked in on my friend who is due in our month - September. Her posts were full of baby things. So glad I unfollowed her. It's super sweet and I'm so happy for her but :cry:. I know exactly how you feel :hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks love. I think I'll do that. I was going to just delete my account as I don't really post much on there, but it's linked to a page I manage for a client so can't really. I've unfollowed her on instagram though. This week has totally done my head in.

I think it's good you unfollowed you friend who's due in Sept. There's no way I could cope with that constant reminder. I can't even bring myself to check in on the snugglers even though I wish them all the best. Like you say, I'm happy for our friends, I don't begrudge them anything, just don't want it rubbing in my face.


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## lesondemavie

Ugh I'm so so sorry Mel :hugs:. I'm still kmfx for you &#10084;&#65039;&#128155;&#128154;&#128153;&#128156;


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## lesondemavie

Oh MrsU good call! I just checked in and it was tough. They're feeling kicks and planning nurseries. Everyone is doing well though it seems. I wish them all nothing but the best. It is really hard to see that and think, "that should be me" &#128557;.


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## mrs unicorn

ah jeez, that is tough :hugs: especially when you see someone who was pretty much the same day as you. Anyway hun, I see you're going away for the weekend and maybe planning on testing? Where are you going?


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## lesondemavie

Testing Saturday and Sunday. We're just going to a hotel nearby within walking distance of some of our favorite restaurants. We did it last year too (not for our anniversary but another time), and it was refreshing. I keep going back and forth between this is my month to I'm out. I've been feeling AF like cramps at night and my right side can really be bothersome at times since 7DPO. Irritation from O if I get it is usually 1-6DPO, and I didn't feel a thing my BFP cycle. I'm really loving that 7DPO dip, but it could just be a cruel joke. There are so many of those when TTC! After going through all those thoughts, I decide to just push them aside and wait for testing/AF. I'll know soon enough!


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## beemeck

oh wow les you will know super soon! I always forget how quick your cycles are. I'm keeping my fingers crossed very tightly for you :hugs: 

melissa - I'm so sorry that it seems like you might have had an evap :cry: I'm wondering if the cheapies just aren't as sensitive. I had an HCG trigger shot this cycle so I tested the next day just to see what a second line looked like on my cheapie :haha: it was so light I was shocked! I had a good amount of hcg in my system then.... :shrug: but I do know they same blue dye tests are known for evaps. I'm keeping my hopes up otherwise though :hugs:

mrsu - I'm sorry you were having a rough time with facebook. I don't relate to that as much, but it's very understandable. I think for me, being surrounded by pregnant women and babies on a daily basis (I'm an early childhood specialist and I teach prenatal and postnatal education) that I'm fairly numb to it all. But there is this one girl on fb that I can't take - probably only because I never cared for her anyway (went to high school with her). she's been complaining about her pregnancy non stop - just this morning she made the glucose test sound like some sort of illegal torture device :dohh: and now she's off for a pedicure because it was just so unbearable. like wtf dude. :growlmad:

CD 1 for me today and am anxiously awaiting my call back from the doc - I hope I can get in there before the madness begins!


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## mrs unicorn

Leson - that sounds like a lovely idea! And yes not long till you'll know either way!

Bee - that's exactly like her. So dramatic about things then just has to have her hair or nails done to console herself! Pathetic. Guess it's worse because we've never really got on, she's such a snob. Anyway I've unfollowed her on Facebook too, feels good! 
You are one tough cookie being able to work with kids and pregnant ladies day after day!


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## Aayla

Hi ladies. Would love to join you all on your journey. We are TTC #1. I did get pregnant on my 3rd cycle of letrozole last August but unfortunately it ended in a mc at 5 weeks and 5 days. We did 3 cycles after that with nothing and then took a short break. Now I am just waiting for CD 1 to happen and we are back in the game.


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## mrs unicorn

Welcome Aayla! Glad you found us! Sorry for you loss hun. These ladies are a fab bunch! When do you expect af arrive?


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## RichieesMom

mel, :( that really sux, I'm sorry babe. hang in there, its not over till its over!

mrs unicorn, i don't have fb, n good thing too. but if i were u (n bcuz I'm an EX mean girl lol i was horrible back in high school) i would unfriend n unfollow (if thats how it works on fb, i don't really know). theres no use in even keeping her apart of ur social media at all if u really don't like her. but thats just me! plz don't be upset :hugs: we"re all here for u.

les, I'm hoping for the best on ur testing!!!


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## RichieesMom

aayla! i just posted n then scrolled up n for a sec i thought i posted on the wrong thread lol. welcome! :flower:


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## BronteForever

mrs u - sending your hugs. :hugs: That is hard to deal with. I can't relate on some levels because I think I got numb to it as well and I'm not a huge social media person to begin with, but if you already have issues with a person it's going to be amplified ten times worse. So anything she says about pregnancy is definitely going to be upsetting. Glad you unfriended her and I think that's the best. As I've gotten older, I've been less worried about hurting anyone's feeling by doing things like that. It's not really a big deal. Sometimes we just don't get along with people and there's no reason to fake it and everyone is happy if you just deal with each other as little as possible. 

aayla - welcome to the group. Sorry to hear about your miscarriage, but glad you seem to be healed up and ready to try again. Good luck and hope it doesn't take too long for you.


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## Aayla

I am hoping af comes by Sunday. I just stopped the provera (yesterday was my last pill). It usually takes 2-3 days. It may take longer because I was on provera not long ago and stopped. I am inducing a second bleed mid "cycle" as I didn't want to wait the full 35 days. Lol


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## RichieesMom

ugh, i have my days n today is one of them. been so emotional. :cry: positive thoughts, positive thoughts....


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## lesondemavie

Hi Aayla - So sorry for your loss but glad you decided to join us. Fx for a short time back at it! :flower:

Richees - :hugs::hugs::hugs: give yourself permission to have a bad day today. You can focus on those positive thoughts tomorrow. Some days it's just too exhausting to stay upbeat and that's totally ok love &#10084;&#65039;&#128156;&#128153;

AFM: There are so many wonderful things going on in my life and I'm in such a pissy mood! Maybe it's just my hormones crashing before AF...idk. I went to a conference today and they said so many things that just made me mad. At the conference, I kept getting those same pins and pricks on my right side and my boobs started hurting a bit (which is not a usual PMS symptom for me). I started getting this overwhelming sense that I'm pg, and then nearly cried in the middle of a talk from the emotion of it. I arrived home and completely changed my mind and thought that maybe I don't even want to test this weekend. Then DH shared that his mom wanted him to tell me that, "this house is where it will be right." Ugh! I knew she'd say something like that. It almost makes me want to drop the house, or not have kids just to prove her wrong (I'm stubborn like that) but of course I won't bc the house and they baby are about DH and I - not my mom, not my MIL...just us. This condo and the baby we had were so wonderful and right. The next time will also be wonderful and beautiful, but I hate when people imply that the first one was wrong. I mean clearly something went wrong, but we were so happy and things were so perfect. A house wouldn't have changed a thing - that's just silly and (forgive me) stupid. I have to laugh. I usually try to put myself in someone else's shoes and understand that they're well-intentioned, but today I just want to scream. A big welcome to TTC AL to me! &#128513;


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## BronteForever

Les - scream all you want hon. I've heard that lots before and get that people are trying to be encouraging and keep your hopes up. But yes that doesn't make you love your gremlin any less. And it's hard to hear anything that can be implied as a negative towards someone you loved so much. 

It's apparently a full moon tonight. I don't really follow any astrology but my friend had to look it up because both of us kept complaining how irritated we have been with everything this week that something just felt off. So we decided to blaim that  I think everyone has caught the irritation bug this week.


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## mrs unicorn

It really seems that this week has been tough for everyone. Maybe it does have something to do with a full moon, who knows?!

Richiees I hope you're feeling better today. Letting is all out is good for you. Leson, it infuriates me too when people say stupid things like that. Can't tell you how many people have said 'it wasn't meant to be' and all that rubbish. I guess people mean well but it really is a daft thing to say.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend. Best two days of the week right? Xxx


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## Aayla

The full moon definitely can play a part. Not because of horoscope or anything like that. It's the moon that controls the tides and so it actually has a physical effect on the earth. You can actually time your cycles to the moon as well. 

I heard so many stupid but well intentioned phrases, sentances and the like when I had my mc. The one that I got the most was "at least you know you can get pregnant." Yes, it is nice knowing the pills really do work (which I already knew based on progesterone tests) but I could get pregnant a million times and if I don't have a baby from one of them what the heck is the point? I don't want to just get pregnant I want a baby. But the worst...the worst...was my dad. He told me that I wasn't really pregnant and that it doesn't really start until 12 weeks. While I understood what he was trying to say but umm..no. No this is not how it works. 

I think because no one talks about mc people don't really know what to say and so they think of something that sounds nice in their head and say that not knowing the impact it can have.


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## raine87

You mind if I join you ladies? I had my first mc on Feb 13, 2015 and my second mc Feb 11, 2016. I had to have a d&c on March 10th and haven't had my first af. My doctor said I have to wait for 2 cycles. She also started me on metformin. This waiting for the first cycle to finally end is unbearable.


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## mrs unicorn

Oh aayla that's so awful :hugs: and not true in anyway. As soon as you get that positive test everything changes in an instant. Someone said to me 'think of it as cells, it was never a baby' again probably trying to help me but it didn't actually upset me. I just thought, woah you have literally no idea whatsoever about what we are going through, because if you did you wouldn't dream of saying that. Thinking in that way is impossible and also something that we don't want to do. As painful as it was/is we also want to remember our lo and how unbelievably happy / excited / fascinated / in love we were that it was happening.


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## mrs unicorn

Raine - how are you doing? I've been thinking about you wondering how you are. I remember you having your d&c about a week after me. I can't believe your af hasn't returned yet! Is your doctor concerned? I was told 4-6weeks and you are past that now. X


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## Aayla

my sister went through something interesting the other day. She had a miscarraige a few years ago. She was 13 weeks. No one even knew she was pregnant. She was just about to tell us because she had passed the 12 week mark. She didn't even tell us about the mc until a year later at least and now she's able to talk about it. 

Well...we just found out one of her friends is pregnant (almost 10 weeks I think) which is great...but she (the friend) mentioned the miscarriage to my sis and it wasn't until she was pregnant that she realized exactly what my sister had gone through and exactly what losing a baby at 13 weeks might possibly be like. 

Men will never really understand even though they grieve on their own, and while a woman can sympathize I don't think anyone can truly know the pain and grief and attachment we feel unless they go through it. 

My whole world changed when I saw those lines. 

but enough sad talk...Although I don't have a whole lot of news. lol I'm just sitting and waiting for withdrawl af. :coffee:


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## RichieesMom

thanks les n mrs u, its just the 23rd of the month gets me everytime. hes 5mths old in heaven! i always wonder how big he would be now, how much would be weighing, shopping for new cloths bcuz he's out grown his baby shower gifts etc. but yeah, ill be ok. just want this week to end already! 

some people r too ignorant to such a sensitive topic. it was always the right time, the right baby...just not in gods plan. but god still needed U to be their mother. YOU.

group hug!!


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## lesondemavie

Yes Richees *group hug*

So BFN this morning as expected. Still early, but fully expecting a temp drop tomorrow and AF on Monday. I'm considering letting myself have a glass of wine tonight at dinner. I'm feeling out, but even if I get taken by surprise tomorrow or Monday one glass really shouldn't really make a difference at this stage. It's our anniversary and I just want to relax and enjoy it (esp after that pissy mood yesterday!).


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## lesondemavie

Welcome Raine. Of course you can join :hugs:. It's just so darn sh**** that some of us have to go through this loss more than once &#128546;. The waits are unbearable aren't they? Do you have an idea of when you that might happen for you? Looking forward to being with you on this journey. I can't wait until we're all posting scans and birth announcements. I know our time come ladies! &#128525;


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## mrs unicorn

Happy anniversary Leson! Enjoy that glass of wine too! Xx


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## RichieesMom

les, happy anniversary! hope u get a nice anniversary gift this weekend in the form of a surprise bfp!


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## raine87

Mrs. U-- thanks for thinking of me. I'm going to call my doctor on Tues (I work Monday night so I will be sleeping Monday) and see what they say. I had some spotting about a week ago and thought, "this is it" but no. Idk if it's bc of the metformin or bc I started working out and watching my calories.
Les--thanks for the welcome. Honestly, I'm at the point that I think it's never going to happen for us.


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## BronteForever

Raine - welcome to the group. So sorry for your multiple losses. As if that's not hard enough you have had to deal with the worry of when AF might show up again. That sucks. Though I think it's perfectly natural to go through stages when you think it will never happen. For awhile I was going to the doctor and getting bad news after bad news and constantly thought it's not supposed to be this hard which is clearly a sign I'm not meant to be a mother. The thoughts still come and go. Becoming a first time mother is hard enough so adding infertility, miscarriages, ectopics, stillbirths, early childhood losses, and everything else we deal with on top of it can be an emotional overload. It's perfectly natural to get sad, upset, and defeated. That's what we have each other for. You totally got this girl and are already stronger to face any more challenges that might come up. 

I love the idea of a group hug. Back at everyone. 

Les - Happy Anniversary. Have fun celebrating!


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## lesondemavie

Thanks all. Just feeling super weepy today. I keep thinking about how I have so much to celebrate, and I'm still so sad...which just makes me even sadder. Broke down in tears a couple times at anniversary lunch and dinner today. DH is there for me but I just don't think the sadness is still as strong for him. At least tears just make my eyes look even more shockingly blue :haha:. I think our kids will have blue eyes too. DH has hazel - just like my dad, and I have blue like my mom (and all three of my siblings). My boobs hurt, I'm super moody, and I'm just ready for this to be over so we can try again. I know I'm being dramatic and I'm technically not out yet - just feeling that way. There were so many kids at dinner tonight, even these adorable twins. It looks so damn easy *sigh*. Don't get me wrong. I'm still so super positive we'll all get there one day. Just traded my pissy mood from yesterday for a sad mood today. I know I'm so very fortunate in so many ways. Chin up, we're doing all that we can, the rest is not in our hands &#128153;.


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## BronteForever

Les - I'm not good at reading charts but based on a few things you have said, I actually have a good feeling for you this month. If you don't normally get sore boobs that could be a big one. That was the first noticeable symptom for me last time. We shall see but I have a good feeling about it for you. Fingers crossed for you.


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## raine87

Les-- Sorry you are having a bad day. We all do. I started working out and honestly it has helped me get some of my frustrations out. I notoriously get stuck in the anger stage of grief. I'm glad your DH is supportive. Mine is too but I too think sometimes my sadness and frustration is too much for him. And don't give up until AF actually comes!


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## mrs unicorn

Yes *big group hug*

Leson sweetie, just want to give you a big hug too. One of the hardest things I've found it actually celebrating. Like when it was our anniversary and DHs birthday. I often feel guilty when I feel sad for the same reasons - everything else in life is great, so why can't I appreciate that? I mean I do appreciate it, but I guess when something so important to you, something you are so emotionally heavily invested in, so life changing has hurt you or isn't happening and you're powerless to do anything, it overrides everything else sometimes. At least that's how I feel. I'm so sorry you couldn't celebrate your anniversary properly, and that you are feeling out this cycle (I am too). Sending you lots of :hugs::hugs:


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## lesondemavie

Thank you all - I hate that I've been so whiny lately, but so thankful for the support!

Bronte - Those few things were messing with my head this cycle, but I just think my body is different now post-mc. The bb pain last night was seriously killer. Hope that's not my new norm - ouch!!

Temp drop today as expected. I'm relieved that it's pretty clear. Now I can just relax and focus on the good things in my life :). It took 6 cycles before, so I'm bracing myself for at least 6 more. A part of me hopes we'll catch a break and it'll happen faster, but I think with my short LP we need to catch an early implanter. It'll happen. It just takes time.

How are all my other TWWers?


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## mrs unicorn

So crappy about the temp drop. I'm trying to be at peace with the possibility of it taking longer than it did the last time. I hate that I've been so whiny too! I'm blaming the moon after what Bronte said!!! DH has been feeling the same. I hate that he's starting to feel the same anxiety and desperation as me. It's annoying that things change after mc, it's just making me ignore everything which is maybe good? Idk. I'm starting to feel very impatient now. Think I always have as I approach the second week of the tww. Feels like I've waited long enough but it's still too early to test :dohh: on a funny note I had a wierd dream last night, I always tend to around 5/6 DPO. I was pregnant with 12 babies! Hilarious trying to fit 12 babies worth of stuff into our house! :haha:


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## BronteForever

Well that sucks Les, but it's always nice to know rather then being in limbo. Sorry is sore boobs are now a regular post MC symptom. Hope it goes away but yes a lot of stuff with our cycle does change after being pregnant, unfortunately. 

mrs u - you have some silly dreams. Hope it's a good sign babies are on the way.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - haha I do have some cracking dreams! they are always about being pregnant so unfortunately not a sign. Well, maybe a sign that I'm slightly obsessed!


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - That's almost exactly how I've been feeling lately. I just expected too much of myself yesterday. DH's sister is visiting his parents this weekend so they were texting and sending videos, and DH mentioned that his mom was complaining about his sister complaining about pregnancy. I cried. Then I gathered the strength to ask DH about his sister's baby shower, and he mentioned that she said that we don't need to see her pregnant. I cried. *sigh* Many moments felt like hurdles in my journey forward, but in the dealing with other people who are pg I feel stuck &#128078;.

Haha, thank goodness you're not pg with 12 babies! I had an odd dream last night too. Ever since we went backpacking, I've been falling asleep listening to the No Sleep podcast. I woke up and wasn't sure if what I remembered was a dream or one of the stories from the podcast. I went back through and seems like it was a dream. It was good. Super scary/suspenseful, but I wasn't in it. I was just a calm observer like I am when I listen to the stories. Maybe I could write it down and get it on the show! :haha:


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## RichieesMom

Les, like u told me, we're all entitled to a bad day or two. Head up babe. 

I'm already feeling out this month too. Just kinda know it. But that's ok. Iv already got new things in mind I want to try for next month. Gonna cut out carbs n sugar (I'm not a big girl but still have baby weight to lose) n exercise more. Dh has been on my ass about it. (He's a gym rat). I'm 5'1" n 120lbs. My normal weight is 100lbs! But dh never liked me that small. So I say iv got 10 to 15lbs to lose. 105lbs isn't a big difference from 100, but on a small frame, 5 extra lbs is a big diff. 

Also want to start taking baby aspirin along with my prenatal. Continue using preseed n try soft cups. Gonna try soy iso as well. Oh, n stay prayed up most of all! 

On another note, do u ladies ever watch the OWN channel on sunday mornings? Super soul sunday as it's called, it amazing. Very very inspirational. I find myself crying tears of peace, love, hope, faith, n inspiration every sunday! It's awesome. Y'all should check it out sometime if not busy one Sunday morning.


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## lesondemavie

Sounds like you have a good plan Richees. Hope it does the trick. I know what you mean about 5lbs making a big difference on a small frame. I'm 5'5" and I put on 15lbs in grad school. Dropping just 5lbs made such a difference. I dropped another 5 after going off of birth control. The remaining 5 are stubborn, but I don't know that I need to weigh what I did in my teens and 20s, so I'm letting it be. You have a good reason though. My best friend is still trying to lose her baby weight and her boy is turning one on May 5th! She's made good progress, but she's still not back at her pre-baby weight.

So funny thing. I left my box of ICs in the bathroom at the hotel we stayed at last night :dohh:! Haha that was probably a fun find when they cleaned it up. Ah well, I just had to buy a new big box of opks (since I've been opk crazy these past two cycles), and they come with 10 hpts. I should be good for at least the next cycle right :haha:?


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## RichieesMom

Iv been researching a lot about soy today n I'm really excited to try it out. Don't think iv got a problem o'ing (was nervous about it this cycle but turned out fine). But I want to try for a nice, strong o with MAYBE multiple eggs (wishful thinking)! 

Ugh, the baby weight suuux. But keeping the extra 5lbs does seem ideal. 

Lol! I bet the cleaning ladies pocketed them.


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## mrs unicorn

I'm a small fry too!! I'm 5'2" small frame but with hips, butt and bbs!! Not an athletic figure at all! but I've put on weight this past year. I was around 111lb when we got married in Feb 2015 and now I'm 130lb and I hate it. I've never been this heavy before. I can just fit into my normal clothes but they make me feel fat! I'm not too fussed about getting to my wedding weight but I seriously need to lose 12lbs. I'll probably have my bfn by Friday so I'm going to start working out then, otherwise we won't be going on holiday in July because there's no way I'll be putting a bikini on looking like this!

Richiees - we would love twins. we have fraternal twins in my family but not sure if they are a one off! I feel like I shouldn't be greedy though, we'd be delighted with just the one now. We've always wanted 2 kids (I'd quite like 3!) but since the mc I just keep thinking, if we can have one I'd be so so happy. If we do have one, I'm pretty sure once I've recovered a bit, we'll try again straight away for #2. Originally we like the idea of a 2-3 year age gap between kids, but I doubt we'll be hanging around waiting for that now. Having the mc has just destroyed any kind of plan we had so I don't want them anymore. DH might take some convincing though - he's an even bigger planner than me!

Leson - so funny about the box of hpts!! I swear people look at you strange when you buy more than one, so I can imagine the cleaners were like 'wtf, how many do you need'???


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## melissakate

Hi all, 

Took some time this week to get over AF being here (started Friday night). My doctor sent me for blood work today and I have a follow Wednesday to talk about results. So we shall see. 

les- sorry to hear about the temp drop. You have all the right in the world to be cranky. I find myself extremely snappy during this time of the month, especially when you are wanting to NOT have this time of the month.

Richees- it does sound like you have a plan! It always makes starting a new month easier. Only thing- be careful with the Soy Isoflavones, if you are O'ing already, they can cause some major problems with your regular schedule. I was going to try and my doctor gave me a huge warning about them. Not swaying you away, just letting you know what I've heard.


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## RichieesMom

Thanks Mel! I did read about it messing with my reg schedule but iv decided screw it lol. Gonna try anything I can get my hands on naturally to try n speed up the process.


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## lesondemavie

So my temp is actually back up...just like last cycle, but unlike last cycle AF is still a no show for now. The witch usually shows late afternoon/early evening, but every now and again I get the pleasure of waking up in the middle of the night to awful cramps. I'm hoping this is not one of those cycles, but I do have that heavy feeling like AF is imminent. Will keep you all updated.

Mel - Glad to see you back. Let us know how the appointment goes. Fx all is well.


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## raine87

AF finally started yesterday! 1 cycle down! 1 to go!!


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## lesondemavie

And now it's back down again. Boobs still hurt, still no AF...

Glad you're moving forward Raine! <3


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## raine87

Les- I still say it's not over til AF actually arrives!

It's oddly refreshing and yet terribly sad to have the first cycle. While it solidifies that my pregnancy has definitely ended, it also means we can start trying soon.


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## lesondemavie

It was a relief for me when my first AF arrived, and hey bright side I think it will be a relief this time too. If it is a BFP, these temps would really worry me.


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## mrs unicorn

Raine - that's great news. I remember how happy and sad I was when af arrived. Glad things are finally moving on for you.

Les - not sure what to say hun. Should I say hope af arrives soon? hmmm, maybe not! It's good your lp is still a decent length though, that's the most important thing. Hope you get some clarity soon.


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## lesondemavie

I wish I still had hope, but I feel like the temp drop below ch is pretty damning.


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## beemeck

oh les - sorry if AF is on her way. :hugs: I think my worst days are when my temp starts dropping. by the time AF arrives, it's sunk in - but when the temps first start dropping is when it really sucks, so sending you a hug!

welcome raine - I'm sorry that you've had another loss. I can't imagine. it's my biggest fear now - that I will go through all of this time and treatment to get pregnant again only for it to end in a loss. so I'm sending you many hugs! :hugs: glad AF showed. did you have to take another month off before trying again?

mrsu - your chart is looking good.......! FX!!!! :happydance:

mel - sorry about AF for you too - everyone is cycling up now! I also got AF on Friday so looks like we are identical cycle buddies again :hugs: let us know how the results of your bloods are! 

I'll be going to my RE on Monday for a SIS (saline ultrasound) that will look at my uterus to find any anomalies (fibroids, polyps, etc) and if everything looks good I'll also have them do a follie check (CD11) and then IUI either next Wed or Thurs depending on when I O. I did order the trigger shot again this cycle, but I don't think I'll be using it since I surge on my own. So just another week to get through and it'll be here fast - I'm a busy bee from now til then!


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## Aayla

Rain: I was like that too after my loss. the worst was having to test out the hcg. But nothing made me happier than to have my first af. We were able to get right back to it and I went right back onto the letrozole. But I had a nearly 2 month wait. my mc started on Sept 5 and I didn't get af until Nov 2. 

les: sorry to see your temp drop. :( 

AFM: there was no more spotting yesterday and so far none today. I had loads of cramping yesterday but nothing today yet. I even tried to induce it with :sex: :blush: but nope.


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## Orangepie

Hi, I'm also TTC in 4 weeks time after a 7 weeks loss. I have had many early ones so doing a few things differently this time. I have a blog I have started it may be of interest to you but I can't put the link here at the moment it is not allowing me too.


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## raine87

Bee-- We have to wait for another cycle according to the doctor. We respect what she wants us to do.

Thank you everyone for the kind words and hugs.

Orange-- welcome! Sorry for your loss. Looks like we will be ttc about the same time though!


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## BronteForever

Mel - definetly keep us posted. I hope it's good news and you can keep moving forward. No matter what though it is comforting to have some answers. 

Les - still have my fingers crossed for you. 

Raine - I'm sure it's not easy at all but glad AF is at least a symbol that you can move forward. 

mrs u - hope you get some good news soon. When is AF due for you again?

Bee - excited to see how your next IUI goes. Hope it's lucky no. 2. I also hope they don't find any issues during the SIS and it's just a matter of bypassing whatever might be going on with the cervix.

Orange - welcome to the group. So sorry for your loss.

Aayla - hopefully AF shows soon and your cycle gets back to normal so you can get back to trying. What exactly do the meds do that you are on? I'm not familiar with a lot of the medicine names.


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## Aayla

Provera is a progesterone and helps to induce cycles in those with pcos that don't have one. Femara/Letrozole is a fertility drug which I take days 3-7. 

So I had some spotting late afternoon which has now turned a slightly light flow. I'm so excited. I'm not sure how heavy it will get so for now I am counting today as cd 1.


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## BronteForever

Yay congrats. Hope it doesn't take long for you. There are so many meds that do similar stuff it's hard to keep track.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - yey! Great news! It's funny, we must be one of the only threads that celebrates when af returns - not all the time though!

Orange - so sorry for your loss. Welcome. I think you have to have been part of the site for a while/made a few posts before you can post other links in here?

Bee - so excited for you this cycle! Fx all goes well with the SIS. This second cycle has come around quick!

Les - fx af stays away and you temp is back up. I'll keep an eye on your chart! Also, with you on the boob ache - mine are killing me today.

Bronte - af isn't due until next Wednesday - thanks long lp! I shouldn't complain, a 15 lp is a good thing, just feels like an age sometimes. I've started testing - 9 DPO today - fx I see something 10/11/12 DPO. Not convinced though. It would be pretty amazing, but really who gets pregnant first try after mc? I mean I know some people do but i doubt it's the 'norm'. Been having some really disturbing dreams though, they were awful last night.


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## Aayla

I have a long LP as well. It was 18 days for 2 cycles but then changed after my mc. My O date changed from cd 17 to cd19 but I still had 35 days cycles. I would love to O on cd 17. That is my bday but it is a Thursday and hubby and I work opposite schedules and won't see each other until 11pm or really early am. But I work for my parents and my mom wants to be a grandma so bad I know she won't care if I am late for work because we had to :sex: :haha:


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## mrs unicorn

:haha: haha love that, aayla!! 'sorry I'm late mum, just working on making you a grandchild' :winkwink:


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## lesondemavie

CD1 here and I'm relieved. Hope May is our lucky month &#127808;


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## mrs unicorn

Sorry love :hugs: sending you lots of luck!


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## melissakate

les- sorry AF got you this month but I agree, May is going to be a lucky month!!!

Aayla- wow that is a long LP, I'm jealous. I typically have 29-30 day cycles o'ing on 17/18. That only gives me about an 11-12 day LP. 

I go in today for my blood work follow up. I am excited/nervous. I will be on later to update you guys!!:happydance:


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## BronteForever

mrs u - good luck this month. I'll keep my Fx for you that it's your month! We need some good news in here! Sounds like you might have some symptoms (though it's so hard to tell).

aayla - hope you get it worked out. I hate having to schedule BD time too, but sometimes it's necessary. My husband and I are on opposite schedules it seems sometimes too.

les - so sorry AF got you, but at least you know. Here's to a lucky May month for everyone!

mel - Fx everything comes back normal. Good luck girl!


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## mrs unicorn

Mel - good luck with the results!

Bronte - I definitely have lots of little things going on since yesterday, but like you say, this could well be my normal stuff now! Guess I'll know soon enough....


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## RichieesMom

Mel, hoping for good results!

Bee, good vibes ur way!

Mrs u, everything crossed luv! 

Aayla, awesome af showed (this time)! Time to get the ball rolling again! 

Raine, hope the next month flys by hun. 

Hi orange, sorry for ur loss. U came to the right place, these ladies r the best! 

Hi Bronte! Lol

Les, I should be right there with u on the 4th. I just feel absolutely nothing, no twinges, no bloating no boob pain. Blah! 

I did have a nice dream last night. Dreamt I took several pg tests, all positive. But one test actually had my due date on it n I read March 4. I remember saying in my dream, is this really happening? Is this really? I was convinced I wasn't sleeping n it was real life. Lol a sign maybe...?


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## raine87

Richiees-- That's a nice dream to have! I had a dream like that not too long ago where I had several positive pregnancy tests. Of course nothing ever came of mine since it was right around the time I had my D&C. I hope yours does come true! What a great story that would make!!


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## Aayla

Les: sorry af showed up. 

Afm: cd 2. Although next to nothing in flow but since this isn't a real cycle and my lining was pretty thin a week or so ago I don't expect much. But I can start my letrozole tomorrow!! So excited.


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## melissakate

Well, as my doctor said "the good news is all your labs are textbook perfect, the bad news is all your labs are textbook perfect." lol :wacko: Pretty much everything looks great, which means if something is wrong it's something that takes a deeper diagnosis. She said she is a little concerned that I am ovulating so late in my cycle (it has been as late as day 19) and is wanting me to try clomid for a couple cycles. So I start that today. Had to let hubby know about the increase chance of multiples :blush:

bee-let me know about your stuff next week, I am so excited for your second month with IUI. I just know it will be your month! 

Richees- that is such a good dream. I love those dreams and can't wait till they are realities for all of us


Anyone ever taken clomid before? I don't want to get my hopes too high with it.


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## beemeck

Oh yes Melissa - I know that news all too well. Good news, yes - but wtf is going on? Lol. But I love your obgyn taking action! That's wonderful. I'm on femara which is basically the same thing as femara. I'm on the lowest dose possible because I do ovulate on my own. Luckily they are checking my eggs and last month I just had one so that was good! But I think clomid is a little more likely to produce more than one. A friend started clomid last month and ovulated on her own but also only had one egg. So I actually wouldn't worry about that too much (seems silly saying because a month ago I was so panicked about it lol). Also, it moved my ovulation day up. I used to ovulate from days 14-18 with day 14 being rare but my first cycle on femara had me ovulate on day 13. So be ready for that in case ! I'm so excited for you. Do you have to wait til next cycle to start taking it ?


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## melissakate

beemeck said:


> Oh yes Melissa - I know that news all too well. Good news, yes - but wtf is going on? Lol. But I love your obgyn taking action! That's wonderful. I'm on femara which is basically the same thing as femara. I'm on the lowest dose possible because I do ovulate on my own. Luckily they are checking my eggs and last month I just had one so that was good! But I think clomid is a little more likely to produce more than one. A friend started clomid last month and ovulated on her own but also only had one egg. So I actually wouldn't worry about that too much (seems silly saying because a month ago I was so panicked about it lol). Also, it moved my ovulation day up. I used to ovulate from days 14-18 with day 14 being rare but my first cycle on femara had me ovulate on day 13. So be ready for that in case ! I'm so excited for you. Do you have to wait til next cycle to start taking it ?

Yea, I'm trying not to freak with the idea of having multiples. At this point I just want a baby!!! I actually am on cycle day 5 and will start it today. EEk! I will let you know the status. I am really praying hard for you this month. I just feel it will be your month!:hugs:


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## BronteForever

Mel - that can be frustrating, especially when you are looking for answers. Glad she is being proactive and putting you on something to help. I've never taken Clomid, but lots of people on here sound like they have had success with it. I didn't realize it could help make you ovulate earlier too. There's so much to learn during this process. Did she have any suggestions as to what can actually make you be ovulating late in your cycle? Or is that something that can just happen regardless of hormone levels? Hoping for a normal amount of eggs for you. Will they check that around the time you ovulate or monitor you at all on the meds?


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## melissakate

Bronte- I don't think she will be monitoring. It is kind of a wait and see game this first cycle on it. She said I will come in around O time next cycle if it doesn't work. Let's hope for success the first time so I won't have to. :happydance:


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## Aayla

I was on clomid for 2 months and for me it didn't make me ovulate. Since you ovulate on your own that's not a worry for you. Now I am on letrozole/femara. While they both make you ovulate they are quite different in how they work in the body. I can't say anything to moving up O day as the first time I ovulated on femara it was cd 17 but for a 35 day cycle that is early. after my mc it changed to cd 19. now that I have had a break who knows. 

the side effects to watch out for are hot flashes, moodiness and weight gain. If you are susceptible to weight gain then you really have to watch your diet. I gained 20 lbs in 2 months because I wasn't careful. the really bad effect is that it can make your lining thin. 

as for the multiples...yes it does increase your chances, particularly if you are already ovulating on your own. But it is still only a max of 10%. 

I'm not being monitored by my RE as well. and oh man did I get all sorts of snooty messages on one my threads about it. She basically called my doc a quack because they aren't monitoring me. I don't think it's always necessary and even in Canada, if you don't have extended medical, ultrasounds aren't cheap when done through a clinic.


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## lesondemavie

Orange! I can't believe I missed welcoming you! I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you find support here. Thanks for joining. We're happy to have you :hugs:.

Bee - I'm rooting for you so hard this cycle girl! Work has been busy, but I want to drop by your journal and read up on how things are going for you soon!

Mel - I'm so glad everything checked out ok. I'm no help when it comes to Clomid, but two eggs should increase your chances each month right? So much of this is just chance. Every month is a roll of the dice even with perfectly healthy systems. Cheers to May &#128522;.

Aayla - Glad things are moving forward girl. I'm right behind ya and with my short LPs we might be cycle buddies for a bit!

Richees - Don't count yourself out! I always have all sorts of crazy PMS symptoms but my BFP cycle was so even and symptomless. Kmfx for you!

MrsU - So so hoping this is your cycle! Good for you for keeping the symptom spotting at bay. How is that garden of yours? Any concerts coming up?

Raine - Hope all is well for you and that you're having a great week!

Bronte - I am fighting the urge to hijack planning an itinerary for your trip! I love planning big trips and we won't be doing one this year. Do you have it mapped out? Any must sees?

Star - If you're out there, I hope you're doing ok :hugs:. You too tcink - lots of love your way <3

AFM: Sushi and sake date this Friday. Super happy my cramps aren't as bad as the last two AFs. Buyers released the deposit even though they're past our close date and dragging. Spending my energy on work and hoping that our condo closes in time to stick to the deadlines on our purchase. Hoping April AFs bring May BFPs (stealing that from elsewhere but love it)!

Also is it possible for our cycles to all sync up through the Internet, because it totally seems like that is happening :haha:. Thanks everyone for the support. It's absolutely invaluable to me <3


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## lesondemavie

Since we've had a few more join us since I started the Wall of Inspiration, I will throw it out there again. If want to be added to the wall, let me know. No pressure or obligation at all &#128522;


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## Aayla

I'd love to be added to the wall.


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## lesondemavie

Done :). Let me know if it needs any edits.


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## mrs unicorn

Morning ladies - actually it's night for all of you! Bfn on a FRER today, pretty much counting myself out now. I know it's only 10 DPO but...meh, surely it'd be on a FRER by now. Going to test tomorrow on an IC before I crack open the wine Friday eve!

Mel - sorry there's no concrete answers for you but fx the clomid helps. I don't know much about it other than what I've learnt from this site, which is that plenty of women have success with it!

Aayla - sorry you had some unsupportive comments. I don't get that. This site is about supporting people not judging or criticsizing. You've probably worked it out already, but I can assure you there won't be anything like that on this thread.

Les - garden is looking ok. We've spent to last couple of weekends building/fixing/ painting. Still need some plants and flowers but it's snowed everyday this week (which is a bit odd for late April) so want to wait till the weather improves.


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## Aayla

Don't count yourself out. I didn't get a positive until 13dpo. It is funny how so many just immediately count themselves out if 10 dpo is negative. How did this day become the magic number? No one is out until af shows up or you get blood work.


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks aayla. I don't know why I think that's it. Maybe because with my bfp I got a really good line on a FRER at 11 DPO but I didn't do one at 10dpo. So I'm just assuming it would be the same this time and doing one at 10 DPO would show up. Daft I suppose. X


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## BronteForever

So I'm already irritated and annoyed, yet again this week (warning: long-winded rant probably forthcoming). This morning I opened a bill for my second HSG test (the first one was supposed to be done in February and they tried it but couldn't get in through my cervix and the doctor didn't feel comfortable proceeding without an OB present. This was after the radiology room we were supposed to be in was broken and they moved to another one last minute that was throwing everyone "off," so I don't think that helped.) 

Anyway, before the actual, completed procedure in March, I doubled checked with everyone to make sure I wouldn't be charged again for the same procedure: they all assured me no, except for likely a small charge from the new OB doctor that has to do the actual procedure, which I expected and already paid awhile ago. So I was kind of shocked when I got the hospital bill this morning, especially because it's not cheap. The good news is that it was billed correctly, so insurance paid some of it, since they coded as something other then just "infertility" related, which I had to demand about 5 times to multiple people just to get it added ahead of time. The bad news is that now since it was billed after-the-fact, I'm no longer eligible for a 50 percent off discount for paying on the day of service. I already filled a complaint with the hospital billing office and it's going through the system. But I hate dealing with hospitals, insurances, and everything on top of it. I'm already scared half to death that I'm going to be a horrible mother some days and now that's it's been almost 7 years of ups and down (mostly downs) with dealing with infertility, I'm so ready to throw in the towel some days. I feel like it shouldn't be this hard to even get a child. And I hate that I have to be worried about money on top of it, despite the fact, I'm much better off than a lot of people and have help from family when needed. It's just the principal of it that's frustrating.

And I have no idea why I'm going to subject myself to even more medical stuff, when it irritates me so much to begin with. I'm really hoping for an easier IVF process, but I'm not even sure that exists. Starting to get stressed about that already and it's still more than a month and a half away.


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## beemeck

oh bronte - I totally feel you about the "red tape" stuff. I feel like the process itself is just such a difficult mess, and then all of the other stuff gets thrown on top too. ugh! I'm so sorry that this was all so misleading for you. I really hope they take your complaint seriously and change the bill for you. some days I think this is too stressful too. honestly, the only thing that keeps me going sometimes is the fact that "giving up" is pretty impossible. even if I stopped the RE clinic stuff, I would always know when I o and I would always plan BD around it and I would always go through a TWW. ugh. sending big hugs and just know that this is a bad day but but not all days will be this difficult. I am thinking that IVF is going to go smoothly for you!!! I just have a feeling :hugs::hugs:

mrsu - sorry about the BFN. I am pretty much with you - although I don't test early for the most part. I tested at 10dpo in Dec bc in landed on xmas day and if it was positive, I wanted to give DH that gift. It was BFN and I just knew it was over for me even though the stats show otherwise. :shrug:hoping you are one of those stats now! and omg about the snow! I thought it was bad where I lived!!! it's too late for snow - go away!! 

les - glad work has been keeping you busy. it's gotten oddly quiet here for me but I know that won't last long :haha: good luck with the continued house stuff! 

how is everyone else? I'm just waiting for my scan on Monday. left ovary is getting all plumped up and I'll start opks on Sunday!


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## BronteForever

Now moving on:

mrs u - so sorry you got a negative this morning. It is still early though. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you, especially since you were having some symptoms. Every pregnancy is different, so even if you had a positive at 11 DPO last time, that doesn't mean it might not take longer this time.

aayla - goodness, I'm so sorry to hear people were giving you a hard time. That is the exact opposite of what we need. I often ask questions, because there's just so much to learn, especially when it doesn't apply to your specific case so you might not be as familiar with a protocol or med or whatever, but there's absolutely no need to not show support. That's what we are all hear for!! Sometimes it can get hard though, because you want to show support for the person not the doctor. And sometimes we all get mad at our doctors and want people to sympathy, so when someone complains you want to be in their corner. There is a fine line between showing sympathy and possibly questioning if the doctor handled the situation correctly. But don't be afraid to call myself out if you ever feel that way from me. It's probably just because I didn't know better.

les - goodness, I'm horrible at planning vacations. That's why we usually go through an online travel company, since I like to just show up and enjoy the trip and not think about it. Otherwise I get my hopes up too much. You can hijack away though if you find anything exciting to do in Madrid or Aviles Spain. We have a lot for my husband's race that will happen the first week: like a parade of nations, group dinners, and then of course his actual race. But after that we are free. I've looked up a few basic sites to see, but haven't gotten to in-depth yet.


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## beemeck

oh and les - of course you can add me to the front page! let me know if you have any questions on my info :hugs:


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## lesondemavie

Oh Bronte *hugs*. That sounds so frustrating. I'm always so shocked at how insensitive some people in the medical profession are. I want to chain them all down and do so empathy training with them sometimes. If I treated my families the way we get treated by doctors, I would never get to help them as much as I do. The frustration aside, I want to tell you what I told my best friend when she questioned how she'd be as a mom. It's the people who don't think about it and self-reflect who concern me. I think that worrying about is a sign that you are ready, that you get what a big responsibility it is, and that you will be a wonderful mother because you clearly care about it so much. My best friend is bipolar. It took her two years of coming off her meds and three hospitalizations to even get to a point where she could try for her little boy. That kid stole all of our hearts the second we met him at the hospital. He's turning one in a week, and I can't wait to see his smiley little chubby face covered in frosting. She worries about being a good mom most days, but in spite of the worry or maybe because of it, her little boy is thriving and bringing so much joy into this world.


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## BronteForever

Bee - thanks for the kind words. They are definitely needed today! I know I'm not alone with having to deal with "red tape." That's almost even more frustrating that so many of us have to deal with so much stuff to get a child. It's so sad. 

And you are correct, you can't really turn it off. We went back on BC for awhile after the ectopic, because we didn't want to have to think about it and were dealing with too much stuff that it would have been an overload to deal with TTC on top of it for us personally at the time. Then when coming off we weren't timing stuff, but we still had a general idea of when it "might" happen. So you don't get your hopes up as much, but they are still there.

Anyway, I'm so excited for you this month and really hope it's your month! I'm curious to see if they will find anything during the SIS. If there is another issue then hopefully it's an easy to fix one. My money is still on the cervix somehow since that's been your probably area from the beginning. Hopefully the timing this time will work better and bypassing that area will help. I'm excited to by-pass all my problem areas with IVF. That is the plus of it.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - Sorry about the bfn. Hope it's just too early! And snow! My goodness. I haven't dealt with snow in such a long time. I miss it some days. We hiked one of the tallest peaks around here in the snow and it was absolutely beautiful. I think I like that I can visit it but not live in it though! I keep looking at sites and trying to plan out my garden in my new house and I have no clue where to start!

Bee - I think if you get the timing right this time there is so much hope for a BFP for you! Remember that there is still a healthy dose of chance involved even if everything is perfect. Fx this is your lucky roll!


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## beemeck

thanks girls - honestly a part of me is hoping to find something on the SIS. Maybe like a fibroid or polyp that can be removed. I know that would set me back a bit, but after a year of no concrete answers, I'm just kinda ready for one :shrug:


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## BronteForever

lesondemavie said:


> Oh Bronte *hugs*. That sounds so frustrating. I'm always so shocked at how insensitive some people in the medical profession are. I want to chain them all down and do so empathy training with them sometimes. If I treated my families the way we get treated by doctors, I would never get to help them as much as I do. The frustration aside, I want to tell you what I tell my best friend when she questioned how she'd be as a mom and now questions how she's doing with her little boy. It's the people who don't think about it and self-reflect who concern me. I think that worrying about is a sign that you are ready, that you get what a big responsibility it is, and that you will be a wonderful mother because you clearly care about it so much. My best friend is bipolar. It took her two years of coming off her meds and three hospitalizations to even get to a point where she could try for her little boy. That kid stole all of our hearts the second we met him at the hospital. He's turning one in a week, and I can't wait to see his smiley little chubby face covered in frosting. She worries about being a good mom most days, but in spite of the worry or maybe because of it, her little boy is thriving and bringing so much joy into this world.

Les - this is going to make me cry. I know you are right. It's such a big decision to have children and if we didn't worry about it on some level that's when it needs to be a bigger issue. It's hard not to feel defeated some days and wonder if it's the universe telling you that you shouldn't be a parent. I also struggle with anxiety and depression (though I'm not bipolar), so I think that doesn't help at all. It also doesn't help that I had to switch off my depression meds when trying to conceive, since it's bad for the baby. They put me on a different one for now, but it definitely doesn't help as much. There is a possibility that I'll have to go off another one while pregnant. I think I can handle that, but I think the IVF stress would be too much for me without something. Trying to get it all worked out. Some days are definitely easier than others. 

How exciting for an upcoming birthday party though. Do I remember you saying you are making the "smash" cake for this party? How fun! Hopefully you can share a photo, if others don't mind.

Thanks again for the cheer up!


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - We went to this wonderful museum in Madrid. I'll try to find the name of it in my journal. Lots of good food, but hang on to your wallet in the busy square. I like the pacsafe line. I just had a regular zipper bag with a flap back then. Caught a small girl with her hand in my purse and on my wallet behind me. So glad I didn't lose my wallet that day! We took an overnight bus from Madrid to Lisbon and spent a few days over there too. Great little side trip if you have the time.


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## BronteForever

Les - great tips. I'll have to check out the pacsafe line. I've been using Baggallini a lot when I travel and usually hide some money elsewhere on the body, but I'm obsessed with travel bags. Sometimes I'll spend hours just looking online at them. I've yet to find the perfect bag for me, so always love suggestions before buying a new one! I'll make sure to be extra vigilant in Madrid. You are the second person that's recommended Lisbon to me. I wish we had time, but I don't think we will this trip. I'm putting it on my list for future travel! Let me know the museum name if you find it! Both my husband and I usually like museums (probably myself more so then my husband). We might hit up the Museo del Prado, but we'll see. Did you go to a bullfight while you were there. I'm kind of interested, since they are everywhere. But we aren't into animal violence and not sure I could stand it.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - so sorry hun :hugs: I am constantly shocked by the insensitivity of the medical profession. This journey is so difficult and stressful without having to deal with finances and unhelpful people along the way. It makes me so angry and sad at the same time. But you will get through this. You are so so close. You haven't come this far, to only get this far - if you know what I mean?! And we will be here (virtually) holding your hand all the way through it. And it's totally ok to have bad days, angry days, teary days - we've all had (and are still having) our fair share! :hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

BTW - The Prado in Madrid is immense. You can lose a whole day in there!


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## RichieesMom

Bronte, Mrs U took the words right out of my mouth for u :)

Les, add me to the wall! 

Aayla, forget those people. Uv got us! 

Mrs U, even if not this month, then that just means ur a month closer to ur baby. That goes for all of us!


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## BronteForever

Thanks so much ladies for cheering me up. You all are the best!

mrs u - the Prado museum looks immense. That's why it's a maybe. Not sure we want to devote a whole day to it.


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## Aayla

Thanks richies. It is nice to be a part if some new threads. My old ttc after loss is basically dead. Most have got their rainbow bfp and I think the few that are left no longer want to post in it. It is usually just me updating lol.


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## raine87

Les-- add me to the wall too!

Had to take my dog to the vet yesterday for her annual check up and the vet we saw thinks she's older than originally thought. We got her from a shelter 2 years ago and they suspected she was 2 so that would make her 4 but he thinks she's 6 or 7. Broke mine and DH's heart. She's our baby. We feel like we lost 2 years with her.


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## BronteForever

Oh Raine, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine feeling you lost some time with your baby. 

I'm not a huge animal person but my husband convinced me to get a dog about 4 years ago and he has won me over on every level and he is totally our spoiled rotten baby and I love him to pieces. He's 10 now and everytime I think of his age it makes me so sad. I just want him to be around forever. I can't imagine finding out he might be older than expected. That had to be really hard. Hope your dog has a long and healthy life. They are such a blessing and so incredibly loving to have around.


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - I think it was the Sorolla museum. It's an old house converted into a museum. Makes for a much cozier experience :thumbup:


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## BronteForever

lesondemavie said:


> Bronte - I think it was the Sorolla museum. It's an old house converted into a museum. Makes for a much cozier experience :thumbup:

Sounds lovely. I'm not familiar with Sorolla's work but I just looked it up and it looks beautiful. I'll definitely look into it. Sounds much more manageable than the Prado. I think we'll only be in Madrid for 3 days and they might be shorter days. Most of our time will be in Aviles. I've been looking for some day trips from there but not having a ton of luck. I think we will wing it and find something that looks good when we get there and that works with our schedule.


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## raine87

Thanks Bronte! She's a corgi so her life expectancy is around 14 years so we still have plenty of time with her. It was just a shock. She was a dog we had hoped our children could enjoy and now the reality is if we ever do have a successful pregnancy they might not remember her.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - re: prado, I had to drag DH out after several hours because I wasn't prepared to lose a whole day. Museums are great but I love actually seeing the city!!

AFM - bfn again, never mind. I was pretty p*ssed about it yesterday but ok today. At least my temps seem to be going back to normal so that's good - last cycle post ov did worry me slightly! I'm going to ban myself from testing before 11 DPO next cycle, or even later if I can. I can't hack it anymore. It never bothered me before but now it stresses me out way too much. I guess a lot of things change post mc!


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## RichieesMom

Soy iso came in the mail today. Alil nervous but excited to try it!

I was doing some research on how to open up ur fallopian tubes (not that mine r blocked. I wouldn't have got pregnant if they were), but I was thinking, what if they're not as open as they're suppose to be. Maybe THATS y it took sooo long the first time. I love diagnosing myself lol. 

I saw that serrapeptase is good for that kinda thing. It's made from silk worm n is suppose to eat any scar tissue n fluid. Read good things. Now I want to try that too for a few months! Just incase. Dh is gonna flip out when I bring it up lol


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## RichieesMom

Just ordered serrapeptase. I'm gonna be rattling soon lol


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## BronteForever

mrs u - well bummer on another negative. There's so much stress in this process. Do what works for you! Waiting might be better if testing early is stressful. Sending you hugs. 

Richiesmom - I have one completely blocked tube (at the distal end near the ovary) and one surgically removed tube. So I've looked into serra quite a bit. I'm also a member of several Facebook groups for people taking it. You can do a search in Facebook to find them and ask to be added. Anyway, I've not heard anyone have issues with it but everyone I know that's taken them has had a confirmed diagnosis of blocked tubes. Lots of people have success clearing blockages with it. I'm not sure how it would work with mixing with soy iso though. But Clomid is often perscribed for ladies with one tube because it helps you ovulate from both ovaries and there's a better chance your good tube can do it's job then. 

Is there a reason to believe you have blocked tubes? So sorry if you do. It kind of sucks. You got pregnant fine before though so that's a plus. You have to have at least one that's functioning. With one tube it can just take longer but my doctors all told me it's not much longer than average because the other tube can pick up the egg.

I decided against Serra in my case because of my advanced age (hate saying that, I'm not that old just in TTC years) and the functional damage my tubes likely went under and removing scar tissue wouldn't help that it could just be more likely to lead to another ectopic which scares me. 

It's not a bad idea to get checked out if you are worried about stuff. An HSG test is standard to detect blockages in tubes. And several blood tests can tell you if you are ovulating or not.


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## BronteForever

Also I have very painful ovulations now which is a sign of tubal blockage.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - Those temps look great girl! They were already dropping by this time last cycle. I understand not wanting to hold out hope, but I'll do it for you anyway :hugs:


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## RichieesMom

When I went for my 6 week pp exam, I asked my doc if it were possible that my tubes were blocked n she just said if they were then u wouldn't have gotten pregnant. So I didn't ask anything more. But that doesn't mean they can't be alil tight, or maybe one blocked. I'm just a very paranoid person! I could have a bad headache n swear it's a tumor idk about! 

She also told me (bcuz I was worried about how long it took us to fall pg with richiee) to go back to her at the end of the yr if I'm not pg by then. But I just can't wait that long. So I want to try whatever I can by then. 

I too was wondering what might happen mixing soy with serra. I googled but got nothing.


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## BronteForever

Richieesmom - see if you can find the Facebook groups for serra to ask them. If not I can post the question for you. However, just as a warning I'd be careful of taking stuff just on a whim. There's so many different factors that can cause infertility and you don't want to end up messing with the wrong one because it might not be the one that's causing yours and you could inadvertently make it take even longer to get pregnant. It doesn't sound like tubal issues are your problem, since you have gotten pregnant, don't have pain during ovulation, or a history of ectopics. I'd hate for you to invest time and energy into the wrong thing. Also as the girls mentioned before if you take soy iso and are already ovulating it can mess with stuff. However, on the flip side it could help. I don't know enough about soy iso to comment. I know others do though. 

Hope you can get checked out to help alleviate your worries. I'm horrible at always wanting to self diagnosing myself as well. I thought I had every issue under the sun wrong with me: from thyroid to hormone issues to lining issues impacting implantation and everything in between. And now that I have been checked out I've found out all the things I worried about being issues are not even close to being my problem. So I was completely wrong. 

In the meantime don't be afraid to ask questions of us or in another thread if you think it might be something. Chances are someone on this board has dealt with it and can give you some more info. 

I know it's such a challenge not to want to give yourself the best shot by taking stuff to help. And if you do end up taking stuff, good luck. I hope it helps.


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## lesondemavie

I'm also guilty of self-diagnosing but hesitant to mess with anything since I do seem to be Oing just fine and we know we can conceive now. I'm thinking it must be my LP. If average implantation is 8-10 DPO, but my temp usually drops at 10 DPO then I'm missing out on a third of that. I've decided recently that I'm going to try B6 and Magnesium to lengthen my LP. I've read up and there seem to be no ill effects at the recommended dosage. What's two more vitamins, right? &#128517;

Also Raine, after we move, I sooo want a corgi! I'm working today but will add you once I get a chance later today &#128522;

Same for you Richees. Will add when I get home later today &#128516;


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## beemeck

bronte - I just had to sneak on to say that we booked our travel this morning and will be landing in Madrid a week from today! :happydance: when is your trip again??!


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## lesondemavie

Hooray! Have such a good time bee :thumbup:&#10084;&#65039;:happydance:!!!


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## BronteForever

Oh how fun and exciting. You must share all the fun places you visited while there. You will beat me. I don't leave until May 31. I think we'll be in Madrid itself from June 6-9. So excited for you. Have an awesome time.


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## RichieesMom

Actually when it comes to O, I do have some pain, but that just started after I gave birth. Iv never felt ovulation pain before that. It's not crippling, more annoying than anything. Thank u for ur advice! I luv this place! 

Les, that's the only thing I don't worry about lol. my lp is a good 2 weeks.

Bee, sounds amazing! I'm happily jealous of u n Bronte right now :)


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## RichieesMom

Forgot to mention I took a hpt yesterday. Bfn. Duh. Af should be here by Wed.


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## lesondemavie

Ok the wall has been updated. Let me know if any edits are needed. Cheers to getting some BFPs in there this month! :dust:


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## lesondemavie

Sorry about the bfn RichieesMom :hugs:. Hope it was just too early!


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## BronteForever

Richieesmom - oh no. I've only felt ovulation pain since being pregnant as well. In my case it's because of scar tissue. I hope you can get seen sometime to help alleviate your worries. It does help to have some answers. Best wishes in the meantime. I'll keep my fingers crossed this negative is just early. 

Les - thanks for making this thread so welcoming and inspiring!


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## RichieesMom

Af is here early.


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## Aayla

Richiees: sorry af got you. Fx for this cycle!!


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## RichieesMom

Thanks aayla! I'm surprisingly not that disappointed. I guess bcuz I was fully expecting it. Very ready to give it another go. Then another n another n so on n so on. Haha


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - We all make this thread welcoming and supportive :hugs:. A big thanks to everyone for keeping me sane!

Richiees - Love the attitude. We'll be right here no matter how many "goes" it takes!

AFM: I'm having to cool it a bit on temping as I realized that temping every time I woke was actually causing me to wake several times a night. Just temping once a night now no matter what time it is. Should still get the info I need. Also just realized I had an opk dream last night. I had ordered a bunch more of the same ones I always use, but when I opened the box they were all digitals. I took one and it gave me a sad face. Haha I don't think the digitals even do sad faces! Guess my baking let some TTC feelings come to the surface and hopefully get released. I'm feeling good today. Not sure what this cycle will bring, but ready to give it another shot. Still waiting for the b6/magnesium to arrive. Not sure if I should just start taking it right away or wait until after O. Any thoughts?

Mel - I hope you're doing okay doll :hugs:. I know that last cycle really took you for a ride. I hate when that happens. We're all here for you if you need to vent or get some support xxx.


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## beemeck

les - I take B6 sporadically throughout my cycle. I guess I didn't research it too much, I just try to take it a few times a week and then sometimes I forget so it's all over the place but I never really noticed any changes in my cycles related to that. I would think you could start taking it right away :shrug:


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## RichieesMom

Les, I totally agree with u on the tempting! It bad enough I still have baby bladder so I'm constantly getting up to pee. But tempting is starting to mess with my sleep too. It's very annoying. Iv got an alarm set now but I find myself still waking up a couple times a night to check the time. 

If I'm remembering correctly, iv read women taking b6 thru out their cycles.


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## melissakate

Hey ladies. I am officially done my clomid for the month... now just waiting to O. Sorry I have been MIA-we had a huge event for work last night and a wedding this past weekend. AND I just accepted a new job offer and put in my notice today. It's been a whirlwind!

How is everyone doing? Sounds like there is so much going with everyone, trips, etc! Sorry that AF got most of us but the numbers will eventually be in our favor and we will start getting some BFPs!:hugs:


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## Aayla

I am officially done my letrozole. Cd 7 here. I start using opk's in 3 days. But I don't expect ovulation to happen for about 10 more days.


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## RichieesMom

Hey Mel! Congrats on the new job babe! :thumbup:

Aayla, sweet!! Super excited for u! :happydance:

I just started my first day of soy, 120mg. I'm doing CD2/6. Not sure if I should do 120 all 5 days or kick it up to 180mg the last 1 or 2 days.

Havnt got the serra in yet so I'll save that for another time.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - I don't know what compelled me to check your chart tonight before bed, but I just had this feeling. Hate to see that dreaded temp dip. So sorry hun :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Congrats Mel!!! New jobs are always exciting!

Fx all goes smoothly Aayla and Richiees!


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## mrs unicorn

Hey girls, sorry I've been away for a few days. Last week I really struggled and I was feeling pretty helpless trying to pull myself together, with no success. I've kept away from all social media for well over a week now and that helps, a few days away from here helped but I missed you guys. It's more the testing threads that I don't think I'll bother with - I don't have the excitement, hope or motivation to fit in there anymore! Dh has been really struggling too, we were just so so flippin miserable and didn't know how to lift ourselves out of it so......we adopted a kitten!!! :happydance: Meet Merlin :cat: (probably a boy) He is absolutely wonderful. It might sound daft but I cannot believe how much better we feel already after having him for just a couple days. I feel completely different. Happy, relaxed, light hearted, just like my old self again. Having him snuggled up fast sleep on you for hours is so lovely - although not so keen on him climbing our expensive sofa and curtains!! He's a proper live wire when he's awake! Anyway, I'm going to go back and catch up with you all.
 



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## mrs unicorn

leson - I don't know much about the B6 and magnesium but I'm pretty sure the prenatals I take everyday have both in. Have you started taking them yet? With you on the temp thing too. I sometimes wake up to take my temp and find it's like 3.30am! I never take it then though. I'm trying to be more chilled about my temps, it's more about an overall pattern that specific temps.

Bee - woop for your trip!! How exciting! So I'm guessing you'll have the IUI then jet off in my direction (kind of)?!

Mel - congratulations on the new job!

Richiees - sorry af arrived, I'll be joining you very soon. x

Aayla - yey!! Sending you lots of luck for this cycle!

Bronte - I bet you are on countdown for your trip now? Looks like you'll have plenty of tips and recommendations!

AFM - af will be here tomorrow, my epic temp drop confirms it. I feel ok about it. After the bfn's at 10/11 dpo I started to accept it. Even though this has been a really difficult cycle I feel better about going into the next one. Leson - thanks for checking in on me hun. I did exactly the same with you last cycle! It's amazing how close we've all become. I genuinely want it to happen for everyone else as much as myself :friends: Anyway, I've got the cutest little ball of fluff to take care of now, plus I'm going to spend next weekend in London with my best mate - cannot wait to see her! :happydance:


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - I should have said something earlier. I unsubscribed from that testing thread about a week ago when AF came. Seeing all those BFPs used to give me hope, but now it just seems so unfair. I had that and it was ripped away. I also unsubscribed from my TTC#1 threads too. I just can't relate anymore. I feel bitter, and I hate that...so I backed away from it all. Like usual, you and I are right there together :friends:

I hesitated to share those feelings here, because I didn't want anyone to feel put off. This space is different for me. We're all struggling with that pain from loss and hope for the future. I think seeing a BFP here will give me hope, so please keep sharing away. I love being here for you, and having you all for support too :hugs:

Now back to you MrsU - A kitten!!!! &#128571; What a lovely idea. Out three cats are my world. I love waking up to their purrs (and hungry eyes), and it's so very hard to be sad around them when they're being silly or lovey (which is most of the time). They had so much energy as kittens and it was a blast. Enjoy it! Your little Merlin is absolutely adorable! <3


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## mrs unicorn

Leson - we are literally walking the same steps, I'm just a couple behind you! Like I said in your journal, it's kind of comforting at times to know you're not alone but mainly I hate to think of someone else feeling so bad. I've also unsubscribed from everything apart from a couple of other long-ish running threads that just have a handful of us.

I agree this thread is very different from the others. They are full of excited puppies, and I used to be just like that, but now I feel like a more hesitant and wary pooch (maybe even with a slight limp!!)

Anyway, I've started spotting this afternoon. Just a tiny bit. Feels weird as I never used to spot before af, she was just here or not! Hope she doesn't arrive a day early!


----------



## lesondemavie

Oh also re:B6 and Magnesium. Both are in most prenatals but in small amounts. I'm upping my B6 to 50 mg and Magnesium to 300 mg (with 600 mg calcium). The supplements arrive tomorrow, so I haven't started taking them yet. I think I probably will just start when they arrive.


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## BronteForever

Richieesmom - sorry AF got you.

mrs u - dang it. I was hoping this would be your cycle. Sorry about the temp drop. But I love your new kitten, Merlin. Looks adorable. I think my dog helped me a ton after my loss. I wasn't even an animal person before that, but I would be lost without him now. So sorry you have been having a rough month. There are definitely times when seeing others BFP are more frustrating then others. So only endure what you can handle. I think this thread and others like it are definitely different. It's a bit easier to cheer on someone that's been struggling and having a harder time conceiving. Plus, everyone is so sweet on here and you want the best for them.

les - if temping is causing you to worry or wake up that much, then it's probably a good idea to hold back. I'm not extremely familiar with the vitamins you mentioned, but I'd think they would be fine to start taking ASAP. Tons of people have a magnesium deficiency and need to take extra amounts. I take supplements periodically to help with recovery after workouts and it helps lots. I actually didn't even know it could help with lengthening your lp. I think you will be fine trying it in the middle of your cycle though. Good luck!

mel - congrats on the new job. How exciting for you. Really hope the Clomid helps and this is your cycle. 

aayla - best wishes to you this month.

AFM - Feel like I haven't had anything new to report in awhile, since we don't have much going on with TTC. We just finished our last blood tests today for infectious diseases (exciting I know ) So we should be all set to start IVF next month. It's slowly creeping up on me.


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## mrs unicorn

Oh thanks Bronte. It would have been amazing for it to happen this quickly but I'm prepared for it to take a few cycles. Yes, universe, I said a few, not loads, just a couple ok?! :haha: af has arrived today so onto the next one we go. I am very relieved my cycles are settled though. Well apart from possibly oing early but I can deal with that!

Woah June is soooo close! Do you have an actual 'start' date? Do you have to take anything at the beginning of your cycle?


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## BronteForever

mrs u - so sorry AF got you, but yes it might just take a bit longer than expected. You totally got this though!

I'll start on CD3 with my injections and stimulation meds, so if timing is correct, it shouldn't be until the very last week in June. I'll be on meds for about 2 weeks and then they will do the egg retrieval. It depends on how many eggs they get and how many fertilize, but we will most likely be doing genetic testing on them if we have enough. My doctor highly recommended it because of my age and it should increase our odds by about 20-30 percent, plus it will significantly decrease the risk of a miscarriage. If we do genetic testing we have to wait another month and do a frozen transfer instead of a fresh one. I've heard a lot of people have better luck with those anyway, since your body has had a chance to calm down after so many meds. So transfer will be middle of July or August. Our trip landed at a bad time which is why we had to hold off longer, but I'm kind of glad it will give us time to prepare and I'm trying really hard to get healthier and focusing on myself right now.


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## lesondemavie

It'll be here before you know it Bronte! Time seems to fly by and that trip is going to help it move even faster :happydance:. I think genetic testing is a good idea too. My heart breaks when I see women go through that only to find the baby has trisomy or some other disorder. The odds of that are slim, but worth minimizing in my opinion. The odds of what happened to all of us were slim too, and yet here we are...


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## Aayla

Today is my angel's due date. Not much more to say than that. Today will be a zombie day. Just have to make it to the end.


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## lesondemavie

Aayla said:


> Today is my angel's due date. Not much more to say than that. Today will be a zombie day. Just have to make it to the end.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

My heart is breaking right along with you doll &#128148;. Hope you can do something special today.


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## Aayla

hubby starts his new job today so it will be late night when we do it but we plan on lighting a candle for our little one.


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## BronteForever

Aayla - I'm so sorry. Sending you hugs and lots of positive thoughts. It's definitely going to be a hard day for you. Love that you are probably lighting a candle for your little one. What a lovely tribute.

Les - that's part of our thinking too. It makes sense though, since we are being helped with science that we want to give our little embaby the best shot possible. We will only be testing the total number of chromosomes and not other genetic disorders, though some of them that are chromosome related can be found with just the basic test. We will see what happens though. There's so many variables that can still pop up that we won't know until we get started.


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## RichieesMom

Aayla my eyes instantly teared up. 

:hugs: iv been going for walks with my mom everyday n we always go to the church that's several blocks away. They have fresh candles there to light so we always go in, light a candle for richiee n say alil prayer. I will definitely be lighting a second candle for ur precious baby as well.


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## Aayla

Thanks Richiees. that means a lot.


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## RichieesMom

:)


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## lesondemavie

Love it Aayla <3. Hope you and DH had the time you needed together.

Sooo we were supposed to kick off fertile week tonight, but escrow ruined the mood! We signed the escrow extension and then realized we didn't have the signed form for the extra deposit yet. I figured the buyer would still follow through on his verbal agreement, but DH was so stressed out! Thankfully, the form came in this evening and all is well. I could visibly see the stress leave DH's body. Tonight isn't that important especially since I've been Oing later, so tomorrow it is then. Hopefully escrow doesn't ruin the rest of TTC this month! &#128513;


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - that brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry sweetie, it'll be a rough day :hugs: I love the candle idea :hugs: we're all thinking of you.

Bronte - the testing sounds like a smart idea. Anything that minimises any risk is great, especially as it'll be a daunting (and expensive!) process for you. You want to give yourself the best shot. Do they always implant more than one if you have a batch of successful ones or is that your choice? And do they keep the ones you're not using till next time (if you need them) or do you have to do the egg retrieval each time? Hope you don't mind me asking all these questions. I don't know much about IVF but it fascinates me!

Les - yey for progress on the house! At least you can both relax now which will make bding all the better :winkwink:


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## mrs unicorn

I was watching a discussion on tv this morning about how docs in the UK & US can now work on lab grown embryos for up to 14 days. I think previously it was capped or they couldn't get anywhere near the limit? I think this is such a good thing. In time hopefully it will increase IVF successes and help identify causes of mc and especially recurrent mc's. I know there's a big ethical debate around this subject, and some people think it's 'meddling' with life, but I don't see how it's any different from organ transplants or cancer treatments. Someone on the program said something along the lines of 'if you can't have children then maybe you're not meant too' :growlmad::growlmad::growlmad: I know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but how can you be against this kind of research / intervention but gladly accept it to keep yourself alive? Anyway, it was a very interesting debate....


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## BronteForever

Les - yay for making it further along in the house buying process. Do you have a moving date yet? Good luck this month. Moving is always stressful, but it sounds like you are committed to getting some good BDing in there, so I know you all will make it work.

mrs u - I don't mind questions at all. I've learned so much already in this process. They will implant between 1-2. The doctor will make a recommendation, but it's up to us. Implanting two embryos does increase the changes at least one of them will stick, but it's not too significant. It's just most likely to give you twins more than anything. We will base the decision on how many eggs fertilize and how many come back normal from the testing. Yes, absolutely you can freeze embryos and they have made so many advances in IVF that the success rates for frozen transfers are almost higher than fresh ones now (mostly because your body isn't all messed up from being ultra stimulated with meds in order to retrieve eggs). We get up to a year of storage for our embryos with our package, but then you pay a yearly storage fee after that. So you can have multiple children with just having to do one retrieval (if we are lucky). We don't want to think about the possibility of having left over "frosties" but we will cross that bridge if it comes. 

There is a huge ethical dilemma with doing IVF in general and what to do with embryos when they are left and I'm not sure what we will do. I hope we don't have to make that decision. And I've already got asked several times "why don't you just adopt" because people don't see the logic of doing IVF. Not that many people in our life even know, so I'm surprised we have even been asked that yet. And I just tell them it was not an overnight decision. We have been struggling with infertility for 7 years and it's been somewhat in our minds the entire time. I actually didn't think I would do it and just go towards adoption. But once that decision had to be made my mind switched completely and since I don't have many years left to conceive at all, I wanted to try it because I knew I'd regret it if I didn't. We always have adoption as our backup plan and are fine with that, but I think it will help alleviate our "what if" questions, which I think are made worse by the fact we have lost a pregnancy in the past. I've heard you have to mourn the loss of any potential children before moving onto adoption and we weren't ready to do that yet without trying IVF.

It's such a personal choice and my blood boils when I read a lot of these arguments against IVF online or in negative comments on blogs. They are almost always from people who know nothing about the process or had to make the decision. I usually just tone them out, but it's annoying that people even have to do that.


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## lesondemavie

Ugh no qualms here about IVF or leftover frosties for that matter. You're already going through something very difficult and for people to get all high and mighty and make a tough situation worse just makes me angry. Most of those people are hypocrites anyway who would never even consider adopting. I also have adoption in my heart. One of my coworkers adopted a 4 yo who had been so neglected he wasn't even talking. Because of what I do for work, I feel like I'm someone in this world who could do that for a child one day too. Just not now. She ended up leaving work though to be with him full-time, and I can't bring myself to accept that possibility. I've helped over a hundred families and kids doing what I do. To leave all that would be extremely difficult for me. I also thought I'd adopt before trying any treatments, but now I know I'll try whatever I'd have to for our baby. We were so very happy, and we want that again.

If all goes well, we get the house on 5/30 - Memorial Day! Since we figure it would be hard to move on a holiday, we're booking movers for Saturday 6/4.

DH tried to make up for last night by asking for "breakfast" this morning. I didn't sleep very well, so another missed opportunity. Idk I think past cycles I would have gone for it, but this one I'm feeling a bit deflated/numb. Trying to keep most of my words positive, and hoping the feelings will follow. Maybe once we get back into just being us this cycle it will feel better again. Also what is up with those flat temps? Practically 3 days in a row with the same temp :shrug:


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## Aayla

we looked into adoption. Of course each country will be different. we wanted to go through our ministry and do the waiting child program. This is where you would adopt an older child that has high probability of having some sort of disorder. Either they are behind developmentally (both physical and mental or either or) or they have been abused, subjected to drugs and/or alcohol in the womb. etc. we got as far as our first meeting with the case worker. It did not end well. 

at the time we were living in a 1200 sq ft 2 bedroom apt. According to her there wasn't enough space and she couldn't see where all the kid stuff was going to go. She didn't even look beyond the first half of the apt. She never even saw the bedroom the child would be in. She also said that even if we passed our home study it was likely we would be passed over because we didn't make enough money and we rented. Despite the ministry advertising that owning your own home and being rich were not required. How do we not make enough money but they say being single is also not problem. So one income is better than 2? 

Also, you must go through grief counselling. You MUST grieve over the loss of potential bio children. ummm what about fertile couples that decide to adopt just because. What about all the people who decide that they don't want to add to the population and instead adopt? Did they have to go through counselling? I doubt it. I have always wanted to adopt, as well as have bio children. This wasn't a last resort option. My dad was adopted, my aunt was adopted and my dad adopted me (he is my step dad technically). Adoption is in my life and for me this was to be a natural process in creating our family. But it is never going to happen. 

I'm not going to pay for adoption. If I'm going to spend $20,000 or more to have a child I am going to go with IVF and at least give myself a shot at a bio child. 

ok rant over.


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## lesondemavie

Also DH's friend's wife has been sending group texts to the "wives club" since this weekend about labor. I'm not in the club but she's always super sweet and asks me when I'm coming back etc. She shared that she lost her mucus plug on Saturday and has been giving us updates ever since. Still no baby and I really wish the baby would just come so I can stop getting these constant reminders about how she's having her second baby this year without hardly trying at all and I'm struggling just to keep trying through grief and who knows how many more months. She doesn't know about our loss, so I can't be mad at her. The numbness is helping. It doesn't hurt. It's just annoying *sigh*. I always type messages like this and think boy am I going to feel silly if I get my BFP this month, but then again it's what I feel now and it could just as easily be another bfn. Cheers to strength and support even when life isn't so kind and fair.


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## lesondemavie

Aayla :hugs: that's awful! We live in condos and they're all about that size around here. There are so many happy, healthy kids running around playing and living life just fine. Kids are usually outside playing anyway!


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## BronteForever

Les - yes you ladies have been super supported and I love that. That awesome your friend adopted, but it is a lot to give up. There's just so many factors at play when making the decision. We'd still love to down the road potentially; it just wasn't for us right now. And I love how everyone just assumes because you can't have kids naturally that adoption is for you, when people that can conceive have just as many options to adopt and often choose not too. But it's somehow your duty to adopt when they don't. Hmmm??? People are funny.

Anyway, yay for getting the house soon. That's coming right up. And some cycles were always harder than others for us. Everything going on in your life effects your desire to BD or not, so don't feel bad, it happens to everyone. It's even worse when TTC, because there are so many more emotions and feelings that are added to the mix. You are not alone. I do hope you get some time in this month. If you don't, life will go on and you can try again next month. Some months we skipped because life gets in the way. It's annoying, but sometimes that's just life.


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## BronteForever

Aayla - that is so frustrating, and sadly I've read so many stories similar about people having issues with adopting. It's sad the process is so challenging. I get that they are trying to find good homes, but some of the requirements (like size or an apartment) seem silly. It just makes me sad. 

Les - that's a bit excessive for anyone to handle. Anyway you can leave the group text? If not, just ignore. Goodness.


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## RichieesMom

Aayla, I lit that candle for ur lil one yesterday afternoon. Said a pray, thanked God for taking care of our children until our time comes around n told ur baby that u love n miss em very much.

So mothers day is on sunday. Uuuggghh. Let's gets this hurtle jumped. Never thought my first official "mothers day" would be...idk......like this! I remember being pregnant n saying I can't wait for mothers day. I finally get to celebrate for myself! Sunday is going to hurt. A lot. 

On the other hand, I have u ladies. I'm not alone.


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## Aayla

Thanks Richiees. Yeah, I was excited about this mother's day as well. Now I just want it to be over with. I still have to get my mom something. This is the first year we aren't doing a big family bbq for it. Usually my mom and I combine our days (my bday is May 12) and we do the family dinner thing all at once. But it got cancelled this year. Now I am going to be sitting alone on mother's day. 

I am trying to move past this. I don't want this to stress out my body. Maybe I will go for a massage on that day. That's the beginning of my fertile week so I want to be as stress free as possible.


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## RichieesMom

A massage sound like a pretty damn good idea.


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## lesondemavie

Yes I vote for the massage too, and maybe a bubble bath with some good relaxing music.


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## lesondemavie

Happy Saturday all! My little nephew's first birthday party is today!!! I have a mini triple layer rainbow smash cake with blue ombre frosting in progress! Can't wait to see him destroy it. I just love that little guy soo much. I knew I would, but I remember being surprised at how much my heart swelled with love when I held him at the hospital. I was there helping to feed him and take care of him in the first few weeks, and since then he's been at most of our weekly lunches. He went from a little sleeping snuggly bug in his carrier to a ball of energy grabbing at our food and wanting to walk around the restaurant (with support). I LOVE that every time he sees me now he reaches for me until he's in my arms and giggling as we play. He brings so much joy and light into our lives. It took my best friend over 2 years and a lot of bumps/tears to get him, but now the happiness is just so immense that those years seem like a blur.

Why don't we do a roll call? Where is everyone at cycle-wise?

Me - Fertile week. Waiting to O :coffee:. It's feels so strange. Before the MMC, today would be the day before O, but now I'm guessing it'll be a few more days. Good thing since we've only BD'd once so far on CD9. The next morning DH told me that I "rocked his world." Glad he's so easy :haha:


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## RichieesMom

Awww happy birthday lil one! :flower:

Yesterday was my last day of soy. Not sure when I'll be ovulating bcuz it's suppose to bring it on sooner, just not sure how soon. So we'll see! 

Yay fertile week les! Have fun rocking worlds! One world I mean, not plural lol


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## Aayla

cd 12 here for me. Just :coffee: waiting for O. I have 5-7 more days to go. so the :sex: every day starts happening today. Just in case O wants to come a little early. Still using the opk but I know they are going to be negative. I have to go out today so I will be taking it with me as I won't be home for the time I usually take it.


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## BronteForever

Les - it's always great when you can rock your husbands world especially when TTC can get kind of old. Great job Girl. Hope that's a good sign for the month. Hang in there!

Richieesmom - good luck. Hope the soy iso helps your ovulation and you get a BFP soon. 

Aayla - good luck this cycle. Sounds like you are getting lots of chances in there to cover all bases. 

AFM - in my fertile window as well but not really holding my breath for anything. Just getting everything prepared for IVF. Got price quotes last week for meds and oh my goodness it's expensive. The cheapest is to import it from Europe. Never imported meds before but I'm going to look into it more.


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## Aayla

It is expensive. For me it is $16,000. Hoping not to go that route but we we start saving in Sept after my brother's wedding if we aren't pregnant by then. 

Doing it lots got me my bfp before so I am leery of messing with that schedule now.


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## BronteForever

Yes it is expensive. Hopefully you don't have to go that route Aayla. I'll definetly keep my fx for this cycle for you.


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## lesondemavie

Aayla that sounds like a good plan and congrats to your brother. What's his wedding going to be like?

Richiees - Hahaha, yes I will just be rocking one world for now :haha:. Hope that soy iso does the trick for you.

Bronte - Glad you're getting everything in order. I'm sure the costs are ridiculous. So sad that insurance doesn't cover more!

MrsU - Hope stepping back is helping. Thinking of you!

Raine - Hope all is well with you <3

Mel - Hope that house you're buying to flip is going well and that the job transition is keeping you nice and distracted.

Bee - Have an amazing trip and can't wait to hear from you when you return!! Pictures please! :)

CD12 here and my +opk snuck up on me! Blazing positive this morning. Might try to tackle DH before we head down to San Diego for Mother's Day brunch with my family! This cycle is so different than the last two. Stable temps, quick LH rise, earlier O...looking so much more like that December cycle when I fell pg before. Also despite the emotional challenges, I've been so much more relaxed. I've only poas 3 times so far this month (opks) and temping just once a night is doing wonders for my sleep. Here's hoping all is well and we get a little healthy bean this month! :dust:

Also Happy Mother's Day to all here in the US :flower:. Our LOs will always be near and dear to our hearts. A special :hug: for you Richiees. Your boy is in my thoughts today.


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## Aayla

He is getting married in Las Vegas. They wanted to do that because his fiance was told by her mom that it would be too expensive to have a backyard wedding because she did and she had to spend $10,000 redoing her back yard. it was going to be in my parent's back yard. Now they are spending even more than that going to Vegas. :nope: :dohh:

But they are getting married at Ceasars and she is wearing this gorgeous pink dress. it will be awesome. Just close family and friends. And I love Vegas. This also gives me an excuse to drag hubby. He has never wanted to go. We don't drink or gamble (and I'm hoping I am pregnant by then) but there is so much more to see and do. it's been 10 years since I last went. They have added 2 floors to the M&M store (I collect them, particularly the green one). I'm super stoked to go.


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## raine87

Hey all! Sorry I haven't posted recently. I worked a lot these last couple of weeks so my downtime was spending time with DH and doing house work as well as redoing our bathroom floor (which is still not complete). Plus our puppy had to have her teeth cleaned and had to be put under general anesthesia and she is just now acting normal. Then today wasn't easy (as I know it wasn't easy on anyone) with it being the first mother's day that we would have celebrated from my first mc. Hope everyone else is doing ok.


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## Aayla

Today wasn't totally easy as I should have given birth (provided baby was on time of course) on May 4th. But I'm making my way through it. I'm trying to focus on this cycle now. 

3 more days to go and I should ovulate. Unfortunately hubby came home sick today but I am hoping he feels better this evening. I really don't want to disrupt the BD schedule I have. Everyday until next Monday. It's not easy but it got me my bfp last time. We missed only 2 days out of 14 that cycle. lol


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## RichieesMom

happy mothers day ladies! 

les, thank u so much :) we actually just got back from baby land. went to spend time n took him a stuffed monkey. i saw the last time i went by that he had a new neighbor (baby girl), but today i noticed 2 more new neighbors :cry: another girl, n a boy. soooo sad. n right before mothers day. horrible. but thank u for thinking of him. means a lot to me.

we also took dh's mother some flowers. shes at the same cemetery. gorgeous cemetery i must same. 

aayla :hugs:

hope everyone gets thru today peacefully. its very hard, but with all the praying iv been doing today, god has given me strength like i asked for. have yet to break down. thank u for the strength n peace of mind lord. couldn't have done it without u. 

god bless all of u wonderful women!


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## mrs unicorn

Hey guys, sorry I've been so quiet. I'm trying to to take a step back this month. Well I'm cd6 so fertile week is starting around now. I'm not sure how much we're going to bd this cycle. We will, but I don't think we'll be 'going for it'. Neither of us feel great at the moment. I was away in London visiting a friend this weekend and I didn't really enjoy it. I didn't feel like me, I was quiet and wanted to come home. When I came back DH was very low. He says he's still so sad - it breaks my heart. But that he also feels bad because he hasn't cried. I told him he doesn't have to cry, it doesn't mean anything and we all grieve in different ways. Anyone else feel like they are constantly going around in circles?


----------



## Aayla

Yep. Which is why we took a break afterm doing 3 cycles after the mc. And part way through that we realized how much we want keep on trucking through it. 

But there is nothing wrong with doing a month of ntnp. Sometimes a month of not charting and just doing it when the mood strikes is what is needed. Not necessarily to get pregnant but just to get back into the romance of it all. It starts to become clinical and then add on a loss. It can become too much.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Thanks aayla. We're still going to be TTC though. I really don't want to take a break and DH hasn't mentioned NTNP. It's a tough one because it's something we really want but at the same time we wish we weren't here. I won't ovulate for another week, either Sunday or Monday so luckily the weekend, when we naturally bd more, are probably the most important days.

I hope you managed to get through the past few days ok. It's such a heartbreaking time. I'm fully dreading my EDD, but I've got quite a few months to prepare for that (and you ladies!)


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## Aayla

You'll get through this. One day at a time. 

I got through my EDD alright. Hubby was there when I really needed him. And now I am going to focus on the future. Hubby starts his new job officially tomorrow. Financially this will benefit us immensely and stress wise it will help him. It already has. 

I have to restart working out. I was down because of an injury and it has been so hard to get back into it.


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## raine87

Mrs U-- my DH and I go through cycles too. We even go through times where we don't want to try at all anymore. Some times we have to really psych ourselves up to start trying next cycle. And honestly Idk how involved I'm going to be this time around as far as testing and tracking. I'm kinda still exhausted from it all.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Raine - I feel the same testing wise. I went for it last cycle and it completely exhausted me. I'm going to wait as long as I can before testing this cycle. I don't feel hopeful again so why put myself through the stress of staring at tests willing myself to see a second line. It's easy for me to say that now but in a couple of weeks time it'll be a different matter :dohh:


----------



## RichieesMom

mrs u, I'm sorry ur feeling so down. i know it gets hard. too hard at times! but after all the time, all the stress, all the tears, it will soooo be worth it all in the end. i keep telling myself if it happened once it will happen again. but like aayla said, a month of ntnp could help kick start the drive again. n who knows, that could be when u get ur bfp! iv read a lot of stories of woman conceiving on a break! 

afm, I'm already getting a somewhat positive opk? just took my first this morning. its dark, but not quite control line dark just yet. I'm sure by tomorrow morning it will be blaring. but shit, its way too soon! I'm only on cd9 today! i knew soy would bring up my O day but not that soon!!


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## mrs unicorn

thanks girls - what would I do without you?! Just need to stop myself thinking about everything.

Wow Richiees, that is early to ov! have you been bding?


----------



## lesondemavie

MrsU - Sorry you and DH have been so down :hugs:. I sometimes get annoyed that my DH seems to be just fine, but I think it helps. Turns out he's not always ok. He's just hiding it really well *sigh*.

I'm feeling great this week, but all those feel good neurotransmitters really help me around O time, and looks like today is O-day for me! Wish I could just stay here, but I plan to put the bbt away at least part of the time once I confirm O. I just need to take it easy this tww and let it be.


----------



## RichieesMom

last night was the first time since af stopped a few days ago. but i thought that there was no way i could get a +opk so soon so i didn't get to use preseed since my cm sux, n i got up right away to clean up. oh boooo! n he actually got off twice yesterday (TMI) but only one of those was from bding. which means he won't even have time to build up a good supply of swimmers since I'm going to be making him tango with me for the next few days or so. i guess we can skip today to try n help with the reload. 

ugh n i feel majorly bloated. its uncomfortable wearing jeans right now its that bad. haven't felt this bloated since the beginning of my pregnancy last year (before i even realized i was pg).


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## RichieesMom

les, looks like our O days won't be to far off from each other! that damn soy got me good! but i kinda feel like ovulation THIS EARLY can't be good. i guess we"ll see in a few weeks.


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## lesondemavie

Richiees I've read any time CD10 or later is a-OK &#128077;


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## Aayla

Richiees: Someone who finally talks about it!!! I have put my guy on a no handsies with himself rule the moment that af is over :haha: :rofl: Our sex life is pretty active anyway but sometimes he has the need but during TTC it's a big no no and he knows that even if I'm not totally in the mood (which is rare) I will do it anyway because we have to. There is no need to "be" with himself :haha: 

AFM: CD 14. Getting so close now. 3-5 days.


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## melissakate

Hi all- I hope everyone got through Mother's Day with a smile on their face. It was definitely hard! Sorry I have been MIA. Getting prepared to switch jobs, purchasing a new flip, AND being on Clomid has made for a crazy couple weeks.

Went to the doctor today for a follicle scan (i wasn't getting a positive on my strips). She said it looks like ovulation has happened recently and that I have a corpus luteum cyst (which she said sometimes indicates early pregnancy). She said she is so confident that she wants to me to come in next Wednesday-Thursday for lab work to check my HCG levels. My lining is a 1.4 (which she said they shoot for at least a .8). Everything is looking good but I refuse to get my hopes up. I can't go through last month again with the tests that look positive but aren't. 

How is everyone doing?! Gearing up for trips... and Bronte- One more month!!! I am getting excited for you. 

les- yay for o day. My fingers are super duper crossed for you:hugs:

Richees- I'm the same way with DH. They do say though, if he doesn't have an abnormalities, there's no reason to no BD everyday, so try and keep your hopes. My doctor swears by BDing the day after ovulation :thumbup:


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## Aayla

I followed the timing that FF gives. O-3, O-2, O-1, O and O+1. Just to be sure. It worked the first time we followed it. Our last cycle was the only other month we followed it but it didn't work then. The other months we didn't time it perfect. Lots of BD but always missed a day within the timeline. So I am going back to what we did then. all those days, pre-seed, no alcohol in fertile week, and now I am adding in grapefruit juice. Not sure if it will do anything this cycle to increase cm.


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## BronteForever

Mel - how exciting. You have so much going on. I will remain cautiously optimistic for you. I really hope it's a positive sign and you get a BFP this cycle. 

Aayla - that's about what I've seen recommended as well. Good luck trying out that cycle this month. 

Les - moving day is coming up. Yay. And I'm so excited you are going to stop temping a bit. It definetly helped me to relax a bit. 

mrs u - hugs, hon. This process is so trying sometimes and it's perfectly acceptable to take a break to recharge yourself. I've had many months like that during this process and I would have driven myself crazy without taking a step back some months. You still need to be healthy (both mentally and physically) for your baby. So it's important to take care of yourself during this process.

Richieesmom - wow that did move O up quite a bit. Hopefully it's still in range and helps.


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## RichieesMom

oh sweet, thanks les!

aayla, iv gotten super controlling when it comes to when n how dh is allowed to "go" since ttc lol! i don't want him to go too often n i don't want him holding back too long. thank u to the great sperm race doc on you tube! 

they say, if u go too often (multiple times a day) there isn't enough time in-between to produce a decent amount of sperm. if they resist release for too long a period, then their mobility sux. 

mel, ahhhhhhhh so excited! my hopes r all the way up for u!


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## lesondemavie

Fx Mel that's so exciting!

I think I felt O this afternoon, but plan to bd tomorrow morning just for good measure. This cycle feels great: my temps are stable, my libido is high, and we have our bases covered. I want to be hopeful, but I just can't let myself go there. So instead cheers to a great week of love (and love-making), and DH's bday dinner in 12 days.


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## RichieesMom

ill be hopeful for u les! a bfp would be an awesome bday gift! fx!


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## Aayla

RichieesMom said:


> oh sweet, thanks les!
> 
> aayla, iv gotten super controlling when it comes to when n how dh is allowed to "go" since ttc lol! i don't want him to go too often n i don't want him holding back too long. thank u to the great sperm race doc on you tube!
> 
> they say, if u go too often (multiple times a day) there isn't enough time in-between to produce a decent amount of sperm. if they resist release for too long a period, then their mobility sux.
> 
> mel, ahhhhhhhh so excited! my hopes r all the way up for u!


yeah...we do it every 24 hours ish during the fertile week. Never an evening then morning session. I will stay up late if I have to as we can work different schedules. But I like to make sure his guys have a chance to reload. :haha: 

It's amazing this TTC world. so much science and timing and tracking. I know more about the reproductive system than I ever have.


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## mrs unicorn

My brother just called me. My SIL is pregnant. 8 weeks. He was so nervous about telling me, he really didn't want to upset me. We're pretty close so I hate that I could hear that in his voice. It should be a super happy time for them and I really don't want what happened to us to take the shine off for them - I hope it won't. I'm so happy for them but I started crying on the phone and haven't stopped since. Thanks universe for making me feel like even more of an epic failure. How on earth do I cope with this?


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## mrs unicorn

Right, that's it. This mc has brought so much misery into our lives, but I'm not going to let it ruin this too. We're going to be auntie and uncle for the first time and that is a wonderful thing! So here's two fingers to the world - you aren't going to keep me down anymore.


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## lesondemavie

Aww MrsU :hugs::hugs::hugs:. I teared up reading your posts. That's exactly how I feel about my first little nephew due end of July. I wasn't going to mention this here, but my sister finally told me the other night that 2 months ago she terminated an early pregnancy. I'm wrecked for her and for us. Not much else to say on that matter. Thankfully I'm flying high (on hormones) at O time. Dreading the crash in a few days. I need these feel-good hormones for a good long time to come.


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## mrs unicorn

Oh leson :hugs: Why is being an adult so flippin hard? I'm hoping I'll be getting my feel good hormones soon too, I need them! I should ov Sunday or Monday. I'm feeling a bit better now, there'll be a Christmas baby in the family this year which is so exciting! Can't believe my little bro is going to be a dad!!!


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## RichieesMom

mrs u, hang in there! my sil told me the other day that her n my bro were going to start trying this summer. she already has a kid from a previous relationship, my brother has none. actually I'm the first to make my parents grandparents. have 2 other sisters as well, but one of them is only 10 so she's still our lil baby herself lol. anyway, she thinks its gonna be easy for her since she got pregnant on birth control the first time! but u never know. i started thinking if my bro knocks her up before I'm pg again I'm kicking asses! but then i felt guilty for being negative. so i hear u girl. 

oh les, I'm sorry :hugs: my best friend n i would have been pg at the same time last year but she decided to terminate too. wrong guy she claimed. i wasn't happy with her but also wasn't gonna bash her for it either. she felt terrible enough. 

So took another opk this morning n it was very -! what the hell?? i haven't felt the slightest O pains other than major bloating (yesterday). n my opk last night looked + to me but dh didn't think the color matched the control line perfectly (it was deff way darker than this morning). but compared to todays, it had to have been a + bc today was almost none existent! last cycles +opks were so dark the line was darker than the control line. and i always feel O pain. n since taking soy, a side effect is applified O pain, but iv got nothing. I'm so confused. n we didn't even bd last night! i decided we would but dh stayed downstairs too long, n i got too sleepy to care! uuuggghhhhh!!!! if my temp goes up tomorrow I'm gonna flip out. :growlmad:


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## BronteForever

mrs u - so sorry hon. I know it's hard, but just try to look at the positives, since you'll be an aunt, which is totally fun as well. It won't take away the joy you have for future children at all. And it can happen for you, it just might take a bit longer. But all that means is you will appreciate and love the child even more. I mentioned before that one of my best friends had a child almost the same week I was supposed to be due. Not going to lie that it's not hard to see her, but I will tell you in many ways she is my most favorite child to visit since I have a strange connection with her and really enjoy watching her grow up. With time, I have confidence you can find all the positives in it and it won't hurt as much either.

Richieesmom - hmm...that is confusing. Weird. I don't know much about it, but I'd say keep testing and see what happens.

AFM - I'm ovulating right now and having a ton of weird pains in my back. I also got a somewhat not fun call from the RE's office today. I have to come in for another visit at the end of the month. My doctor finally reviewed my HSG slides (not just the results from the other doctor) and apparently he's a bit concerned about a few things before we can do IVF. I have a feeling he's going to want to do surgery to remove my other tube before we proceed. We'll see though. I don't think it will set me back much, it just means another surgery before we can start IVF. In the message she didn't say much and I never get a chance to talk to the actual nurses, we just play phone tag alot. They just mentioned that it might change my protocols a bit. So I guess we'll find out May 24. Grrr.


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## RichieesMom

yeah, I'm kinda thinking, ill have another surge coming up. a proper one. this one was just weird. +to me but not to dh. so the color was slightly off i guess. - today but no normal/enhanced O pain. just weird. I'm gonna keep testing till something else comes up. i read 2 surges in a month is not uncommon.


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## Aayla

Mrs U: I have heard of so many pregnancies during the years..my worst year, when we weren't able to TTC yet I had to deal with 18 different pregnancies in one year. Some of those were women having more than 1. I was not a pleasant person to be around. And I was going to mention at least this child is loved and wanted. My sister who is 26 called to confide in me last year, it was just before my first positive I think, she had unprotected sex one cycle (something she doesn't normally do) and thought she might be pregnant and wanted to ask about testing etc and then proceeded to tell me she would abort if she was because she wasn't ready. 1) I am completely anti-abortion for those reasons and everyone in my life knows it 2) why in the world would you tell someone who has fertility issues that you are going to abort your accidental baby??!! :growlmad: thankfully she wasn't pregnant.

It is so frustrating. but sometimes you just become numb to it. For those truly closest to you, you celebrate in their joy. Sometimes the babies are literally one shot in the dark, and sometimes they are planned and you don't know about the struggle. So many don't talk about it. My cousin has a brood (some his, some his gf's) and they decided to have one together. Didn't know until the baby was nearly born that it was their second round of IVF that got them their little boy. So who knows how long they were trying together. 

It's okay to cry and then you are right, you give 2 big fingers to the world and say screw it. Life is too short. You'll get your turn. we all will. 

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## lesondemavie

Just to throw this out there given that there are different opinions. My sister is bipolar and on some serious medications to treat it. She was on bcp when she fell pg, but her stupid doc gave her a low dose when bipolar medications are known to make bcp less effective. Her baby were it to survive all the heart defect risks would have been severely mentally handicapped. You cannot have a healthy baby and be on the medications she's on, and she cannot go off those medications. The last time she did I came home from work to her barely breathing on my patio. She still struggles even with what she's on for now. I just realized that I don't know if my sister will ever be able to have a baby because of it &#128546;. My best friend is also bipolar, but it took her 2 years and 3 hospitalizations to even get to a place where she could try. Sorry the protective big sister in me kicked in. I just know she did not make the decision lightly.


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## RichieesMom

les, don't be sorry! its seems she made her decision for very good reasons. 

as for my best friend, the "wrong guy" thing was so ridiculous to me. but from the way she would cry to me about it after it all, she was very remorseful n regretful.

god bless those who have had to make a very hard decision like that for unselfish reasons.


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## Aayla

Not to get into the abortion debate... but to clarify my position. I am pro life and pro choice. I don't believe it should be illegal. For medical reasons, rape and such I don't think a woman should be forced to have a child. I was raped and there is no way I could have had a child if one resulted (for this I am thankful I have fertility issues) nor could i have handled giving it up only for them to find me and I have to tell them they were a product of rape. No person wants to hear that. 

But..I don't believe that it should be used because "it just isn't the right time" or "it's with the wrong person." As a consenting adult you make choices and one of those is having unprotected sex. when used correctly birth control is 99.99% effective and you can add condoms, spermicide etc to make sure a child does not result. We all know sex is what causes babies and it's completely irresponsible to not make sure that you are doing everything you can (if you choose to not abstain) to prevent them. 

The only way I think the government should be involved is limiting when an abortion can take place. In Canada, unfortunately, there is no limit. If a woman could find a doctor to do it, it is perfectly legal for her to abort her baby at 5 months. 

But these are simply my opinions. i will not stand by a clinic and protest because I am pro life. I will fight for a woman to make the choice even if I disagree with said choice because we have the right to choose to be pregnant and we have the right to choose not to be.


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## lesondemavie

Opinions and thoughts on the topic in general (and I know it's a sensitive one) aside, I love her, and it's just something that I'm going to have to process in the midst of everything else I'm going through. I know we're all here to support one another through the ups and downs so thank you MrsU, Richiees, Aayla, and everyone else for that :hugs:. Cheers to happier times ahead for us all :thumbup:

Also Aayla I'm so sorry you went through that horrible crime :hugs:

Bronte - I hope it's nothing big! So sorry you have to wait. I wish they could just come out and say what's going on. Seems silly if time doesn't change anything. Thinking of you and anxiously awaiting your update.

Mel - When do you go in to have your hcg checked again?!?


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## BronteForever

Les - that has to be extremely hard to hear from your sister regardless. Hugs!! No judgement from me at all. One thing I have found during this process is that none of us know exactly what we'd do until faced with a similar situation. And the decisions are rarely easy. 

Thanks for the well wishes. I hope it's nothing serious. The nurse didn't make it sound too bad and even if I do have to have surgery it won't set me back much. 

Aayla - so sorry to hear about your rape. What a horrible thing to have to experience. I'm so glad you didn't have a pregnancy result and have to make a tough decision in an already horrible time.


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## Aayla

The night is going sooo slow. Have you ever just wanted to go to bed get to the next day but it is way too early to do so? Lol. I just want to ovulate already and I know I am at least 2 more days away. 

Hubby came home and he immediately told me he was so tired and didn't think we could snoo snoo (our nickname for it). So I asked...can I just ride ya home? :haha: :rofl: he laughed and said sure. I refuse to miss a day in this week. Lol


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - let us know when you find out about what procedure you need to have. I hope it's minor, you've waited long enough. It's a bit unfair for them to give you half the information over the phone and then make you wait a few weeks!

Aayla - I'm sorry you had to endure such an horrific crime. I cannot even begin to imagine how you've gotten through it. :hugs:

Leson - I'm so sorry your sister is going through this. My opinions have always been the same on abortion and haven't changed since the mc - it's a woman's choice. Personally there's only a couple of situations where I would have one myself, both have been mentioned. I hope your sister is recovering well. And the timing is just really shitty for you. It must have been very hard and frustrating. It's like the world throws it at us all in one go.

Thank you everyone for your support. Last night my SIL was texting me all excited about having the scan in a few weeks. I'm going to have to be so tough to get through this, but I want to enjoy it with her. We're fairly close and have always talked about having kids and how it'd be lovely to have them around the same time. It's not going to be easy seeing her pregnant and having a new baby in the family when it should have been us. I'm mainly angry at the world now. Just wish this hadn't happened to our first. I'm sure it's heartbreaking whenever it happens, but I can't help feel it's worse with no lo's around already. 

Anyway, I seem to have some really high temps at the moment. It is a touch warmer at night here but it was last week too and I had some low ones. Not going to stress because what's the point, but it is odd. Never had temps this high before o.


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## lesondemavie

Aayla - Haha yes definitely been there before.

MrsU - I don't think I could handle excited texting about an ultrasound. I'm so glad my SIL backed off after we shared our sad news and she lives far enough that I don't have to see her pregnant. I know you're close and you want to be there for her, but don't be afraid to take a step back for you if you need it.

AFM: I totally blew my, "I'm so relaxed and chill about this," cover. I think I took my temp 4x last night. I'm beginning to think that it's how long you've slept uninterrupted that matters more than the time. My temp was high at 2 am after 4 hours of sleep, back down in my FP range at 5 am after a bit less than 3 hours of sleep and sheets only (I had trouble getting back to sleep at 2 bc I was so hot), and then back up high an hour later with the blanket back on at 6 (even though I barely woke up at 5 and immediately fell back asleep). So confusing! Glad I'm going in for that progesterone test on Monday. My temps were so clear before my BFP, but back then I slept through the night like a rock. Ah well one more temp to confirm and the. I can try to step away from the thermometer for a bit.


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## RichieesMom

aayla, I'm so damn sorry that has happened to u before. its horrific. :hugs: but on another note, glad ur getting that grind in lol

bronte, that call has me on edge now! plz update any news.

mrs u, i agree with les on taking a step back if ever needed.

ugh speaking of temps, mine shot up this morning. i was hoping it would be 97. anything like its been. :nope: 98.4 damnit! i only bded yesterday! oh I'm so pissed. had i not took my opks early, i would of never known a thing was happening. no cm, no O pain, nothing! 

u know what.....now that i just wrote that I'm realizing, iv been taking serrapeptase. started day after i finished the soy. its suppose to help minimize any aches n pain as well as eat away any scar tissue, fluid, n inflammation. maybe thats y i didn't have any pain this month? hmm..

oh well, looks like this month is a bust already. one good bd session does not feel like nearly enough.


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## RichieesMom

OK. just took another opk out of curiosity n its darker than yesterdays! wtf is going on!! :wacko:


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## lesondemavie

Richiees maybe today's temp was just off? You need 3 up high to confirm. I get an odd high temp now and again! Get some more lovin' in and hope for the best! :)

So I just sent my SIL and MIL a photo of my little nephew's first bday with the cake I made and said I hoped she'd let me bake one for my other little nephew to be one some day too. The flood gates are open folks! Why oh why did I do that?!? I think the baby shower invite from my cousin's wife (all the way out in Chicago) did my head in this morning :cry:


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## RichieesMom

yeah, i told dh we ant done yet so don't get lazy!

aww les......thats y i dont txt my pg friends AT ALL. id just be setting myself up. :/


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## lesondemavie

Just found out another girl at work is pg. I guess I should just get used to it. It's never ending.

Despite having to face some tough moments lately, I'm still feeling really positive about our chances this cycle. I don't know why...it's just a feeling. It's not the scary hope like before. It's just a sort of quiet confidence that this will happen for us. I'm hoping for a BFP in May, but if not this month I'm beginning to trust that one of these months we will see those two lines again. What happens after that I don't know. One step at a time, right?

I know the mood has been down a bit in here, but I just want to say that I'm hopeful for us all <3 :dust: <3

Hang in there! We'll get those babies I just know it :)


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## lesondemavie

Also Mel the suspense is killing me! Did you go in today or are you heading in tomorrow. Keep us posted. Hope it's good news!!!


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## Aayla

no positive opk today. Sort of bummed. Was really hoping that my O date would shift back to what it was pre pregnancy. I only have one digital opk left. Hoping I surge tomorrow. Going to pick up a couple of dollar store ones to get me through cd 18 and 19 just in case. my temps are inching back up to cover line. Hubby insists on having the a/c on but he has been keeping it on low if the room is warm or fan if it is slightly too cold. He knows if it gets too cold it messes with my temp. 

I've undiscarded the dip for now. Just going to see what FF does.


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## RichieesMom

les, iv actually been feeling pretty positive about this month for everyone too! not so much myself, but towards u ladies, its just this feeling i have!

aayla, dh is the same way, but last night i was surprisingly hot all night.


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## BronteForever

Les - it is really never ending baby announcements. You will get used to it, I'm very confident. It just takes some time. It's perfectly fine to feel frustrated in the time being since it feels so easy for everyone else. Our time will come. We are definetly due for some good news in here. 

Mel - hopefully you can share some soon 

Aayla - it's so frustrating O gets messed up so much after a pregnancy. Really hoping it gets back to normal for you or at least it happens within an acceptable time frame leaving plenty of time for implantation. 

Richieesmom - I hope we all get good news soon! Hopefully your temps were just a fluke.


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## Aayla

the latest I have ever ovulated is cd 19 so I am still on schedule from the last 3 cycles I have had. and I always have a 34/35 day cycle when on Letrozole.


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## melissakate

Hi all- sorry for the delay, it's been crazy on my end. 

I go in next Thursday morning to have my levels checked. I am only 5dpo right now. I am trying to just chill out about it and let things happen the way they are supposed to. This TTC is way more stressful than I signed up for and I have to get it together.

Some days, I am cool, calm and collected. Other days-not so much. A close work friend just started her first round of clomid and is having an IUI done this month. She has PCOS and ovulates maybe 2-3 times a year. That has to be rough, I am trying to remember that I am blessed that I have a regular ovulation, that I have been pregnant before, and that my doctor has all hope that I will be pregnant again soon. :hugs::flower:


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## lesondemavie

Ah sorry Mel I thought it was Wednesday-Thursday this week! Must have misread :dohh:. Love your thoughts right now, and lots of sticky implantation dust your way :dust:

I'll be 10 DPO and checking in on my temp/possibly testing on Thursday too :)


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## melissakate

lesondemavie said:


> Ah sorry Mel I thought it was Wednesday-Thursday this week! Must have misread :dohh:. Love your thoughts right now, and lots of sticky implantation dust your way :dust:
> 
> I'll be 10 DPO and checking in on my temp/possibly testing on Thursday too :)

Keep me posted!!! It seems like a few of us have almost synced up!
:happydance:


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## BronteForever

I think several of you have synced up. Good luck testing this month, Mel and Les!!! I really hope you both get a BFP and a healthy full-term pregnancy and child. You both seem like you are a bit more relaxed and just enjoying this time a bit more, which is great. It will happen for both of you; I am super confident. If it's not this month, then it will be soon. You both have excellent odds and everything is in your favor.

Bee - wherever you are in Europe right now, I hope you are having a blast and I really hope you get to share positive news when you are back!

:dust:


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## RichieesMom

this time last month i was ovulating. i think the soy may have delayed O for me. my temp was a normal pre-o temp this morning, so yesterdays was a fluke. i just hope it doesn't delay O for me too long! I'm going out of town without dh end of next week! I'm trying not to stress, don't want to delay it any longer, but shit!


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## lesondemavie

I know we're all at different stages in our journies to be mothers, and I still have hope that we will all get those babies one way or another, but I think we can still relate to this story from infertility awareness week. I teared up a bit and chuckled a bit. Important to have some acceptance and remember to still laugh through the ups and downs.


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## Aayla

So frustrated. Another day and no positive opk. No temp spike either so it isn't like I have ovulated without one. Hopefully tomorrow. I am out of digital tests but the dollar store now has a 5 pack for $3 so that was awesome. I will test in the morning and afternoon. And maybe evening. Lol


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## BronteForever

Les - I love it. What a creative take on the massive amounts of pregnancy announcements we see all the time. It's definitely good to have a sense of humor. I saw another one during infertility awareness week of the couple holding a Red Baron pizza and they crossed off the red and wrote "we're." Think it's a great way to promote the struggles of infertility with humor. 

Aayla - hopefully you get O soon. How nice the dollar store sells opks near you. 

Richieesmom - hopefully o shows up for you as well and your temps and early tests were just a fluke. I'm curious to see if the soy iso helps.


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## mrs unicorn

My ring arrived today - for those of you who don't know I stole bee's idea - it's a birthstone ring for the one we lost. I cannot tell you how happy it has made me. I was nervous it might result in tears, but no. I just feel so happy, or maybe calm / at peace, idk, but it's good. I'm still stuggling with the news of my SILs pregnancy. I can't feel the happiness or excitement that I always thought I would when this time came. I've just come to accept that at the moment it's ok to feel like this, but in time I will get there. I know I will, I have to. I want to. My mum has been calling which has resulted in my crying my eyes out down the phone. Although last night I was feeling ok. That made her feel like she could express some of the excitement she's feeling but I can't quite cope with that yet. It still hurts. I'm working on not feeling guilty about how I feel (wow so many feelings buzzing around!) I think I'll keep my distance for a bit and try to not think about it. I'm sure my family will understand and trust that I will be there with them eventually.

Les - I love the link! I cringe at all those cheesy pregnancy announcements. They are not my thing at all, so this made me laugh a lot! Am I right in thinking you are having the progesterone test this cycle? I'm sure it will be all great, but at least you know that if it isn't something can be done.

Aayla & richiees - I'm waiting for o too. Hopefully it shows up for you both soon.

I'm going to be doing lots of opks on saturday/sunday to see if I can catch ov the day before for once! I'm wondering if I'll o early on sunday again or go back to cd13 on Monday. I'm feeling very calm about this cycle. Maybe having zero expectations is helping for once. Although next week will be a different matter I'm sure!


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - Glad you're listening to your own emotions :hugs:. The way I explain it to my SIL is that it's like utter happiness but with tears. I, like you, am having a hard time feeling that happiness, but I know it's in there. There's nothing to feel guilty about. You love them and want to share in their joy, but your sadness is just too great right now. They will understand. My SIL won't want to worry about me every time I escape to the bathroom at her shower. She just wants to make sure we'll be there for our nephew. I told her absolutely, but to expect some tears whether we hide them or not. I know it will not be easy. Being pg by then would help, but I don't think it will fix it.

Excited to see you all O! Great plans so far. Sounds like you're doing all you can.

I am going in for my progesterone test on Monday. It will be a good way to break up this tww. My calmness is slowly chipping away already. I'm fully expecting a bfn just bc it hurts too much to hope for anything else, and so I just want to get to the end of next week and get it over with. I will say a small part of me is hopeful. This chart is looking so much like my BFP chart from December. I just don't know and won't know for at least another week if not more (if the b6 is working). So there is positivity and hope in there. I just defensively squash it pretty quickly.


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## Aayla

No temp spike but it did go a little higher today and is now back to around cover line. I'm hoping to see it tomorrow but may not see until cd 20. I'm thinking I may ovulate tomorrow as so many of my other cycles. Only one did I O on cd 18 and that wasn't even a definite as I didn't temp that month or use opk's. I went by cm instead and just put O on the day I got ewcm. so it very well could have been cd 19. 

I'm going to monitor my cm closely today and see if it changes from watery. I took an opk with fmu but it was negative. I have 4 more and I will test again after lunch and then again at my usual time of 7pm.


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## melissakate

Richees- I hope the delay does not continue but that is one of the symptoms about that Soy supplement that I read. If you ovulate already, it can delay or complete mess up ovulation. I hope that is not that the case and that any delay is just it getting a big, healthy egg ready!


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## Aayla

Got ewcm today!! Woo Hoo!! So happy. O should happen today or tomorrow. I am thinking tomorrow.


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## RichieesMom

mel, bronte, iv previously read about soy delaying O for some woman, i was just hoping id be one of the ones who had it brought on early instead! my luck. but another friend (from this site) told me everyone she has spoke with in regards to soy has had their O delayed, but got their bfp! so that cheered me up. 

les, that was so cute! i wanted to show dh but he was rushing to get out the door for work. 

mrs u, time. it sounds corny, i know. n i hated when people would tell me that too. but its true. time helps. ull get on board in ur own time. btw, i have a ring with my sons birthstone too! i got it from james avery. its a christian jewelry store. all their pieces are named. they have different styles in birthstone rings so idk what the others r called but mines called the remembrance ring. its very dainty n cute, i love it! u should visit the site, they can customize and engrave pieces for u. 

aayla, I'm with u!

omg, I'm such an idiot. n i swear i didnt do this last month! but every opk iv been taking, iv waited 20mins to read, instead of 10 like it says too! idk y i had 20mins in my head this time. so dumb. i took one this morning n its darker than yesterday (not + yet tho) n then randomly looked at the wrapper n saw, read within 10mins. son of aaaah........y was thinking 20 this time around? ugh. does an extra 10mins make a big diff??

lastnight i also noticed a crazy amount of ewcm, but it was super sticky. is it suppose to be sticky? read up, n soy is suppose to increase cm. i kept thinking i was peeing alil lol (my baby ruined my bladder so that happens!) but nope. got in the shower, checked n holy shit, iv never taken out so much in my life! sorry, kinda gross!:blush:


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## RichieesMom

sweet! get to work aayla haha


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## Aayla

I had loads today as well richiees. I was going tell everyone because I decided to drink a ton of grapefruit juice this week and when I check again I got a big glob of it. This has never happened before. 

If this cycle doesn't take I am so doing it again next cycle.


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## RichieesMom

so grapefruit juice works! i should try that next time too. so i took another opk about an hr after the first to see what it read after 10mins n it was super -. looked again 10mins later to see if it changed much n it didn't. so i guess waiting 20mins after wasn't that big a mistake. but if my first opk with fmu was pretty dark, n my second was almost nonexistent, is that bcuz my urine was so deluded with the water i chugged?


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## Aayla

Yep..it totally works. I do wish I wrote when I started. But I have a receipt so I can look back to when I bought it and I drank it every day until about 2 days ago. 

I would say it was negative due to diluted pee. That can definitely cause it.


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## RichieesMom

just took another opk. major negative. y am i only getting dark lines in the morning?? everyone else seems to test with afternoon pee just fine!


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## Aayla

it could be negative now too. my fmu is super negative. near white test. Some will likely test different than others. I guess just keep testing and see. If you get a negative tomorrow morning then the surge is gone. 

I tested at 12:30 and there was a line but very much negative. Just tested again about half an hour ago and another negative. I have a feeling my positive will come tomorrow the day I am to ovulate just like my last active cycle. 

What sucks is I am out from 2pm until late. I am going to have to bring a test with me I suppose. I am going to see if hubby is up for some early bd tonight so we can do it late morning before we go out. I think after 11pm will be too late.

I have always found it weird that other ladies get a multiple day surge. I'm lucky if I can catch it at all.


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## RichieesMom

hope u get that + tomorrow aayla!!

last cycles i got 2 days of blaring positives, cd12 n 13. today is cd13 for me. I'm getting so impatient n its not even that late in the cycle. i just can't wait to see that first undoubtable + so i can breath!

we bded today in vain i guess. i hate bding for no reason now! lol

i showed dh one of the home insemination kits off amazon, n he's into it. we will order n use that for days when we arnt feeling it. that will work for times like this, when I'm using up all his sex drive for nothing! but he also likes the idea of doing the syringe thing bcuz he gets to just sit back n relax. jerk. 

shout out to KM (another thread) for the unintentional idea! :winkwink:


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## Aayla

:rofl: Hubby may be into that as well. But since I know I O around cd 19 I am thinking of just doing it every second day ish until about day 15/16 then do it every day. But fx I don't have to do another cycle. lol


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## RichieesMom

hope its ur last cycle too!


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## RichieesMom

still no +opk. so annoyed. i did read a few things about grapefruit juice not only helping with cm but to induce O....some how. i may be reaching for straws but ill try anything at this point to kick start that sucker.


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## Aayla

Not sure about the O thing with the juice. I did not get a positive opk today (Saturday) but I couldn't test anymore as I ran out of them and I was out and about at my bday party and my sister's boyfriend's party. didn't get home until 12:30am. So no BD tonight either. So if I did ovulate today/tonight then we missed the one day. But we did do it for a week straight so I think we are good. he felt so bad tonight as when I got home he wasn't feeling well and he forgot to take his meds that keep his migraines at bay so he was just not feeling up to it. I told him that missing this one day isn't the end of the world. Even though it is day of ovulation we did it late last night and the 3 days prior so I have some guys in there waiting. :haha: I am more happy we got it in yesterday when I had all the EWCM. 

Now off to bed. really hoping I see the temp spike.


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## lesondemavie

Happy Sunday all!

Richiees and Aayla - I hope you get to confirm O soon!

AFM: Progesterone test tomorrow. I read up on it more and it really will only confirm O but not tell me if my progesterone is high or low. Ah well at least that's something. Around O I had mild cramping on my left side, which is consistent if my O is alternating sides, but the past few days I've had mild cramping on my right. Just for fun here's hoping for twins! :haha: How amazing would that be though? I'm not really spiritual, but I'd really feel like my little gremlin was coming back to me if that happened. Fun to think about but really I'd just be happy with any sort of BFP this month. Half way there....and kmfx so so tightly (while still trying not to expect anything at all). Such a confusing time!


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## Aayla

I am totally gutted. O has not been confirmed. My temp barely rose this morning. I did have one month back in the beginning where I didn't have a temp confirmation but the progesterone test said I ovulated. I will continue temping and see what happens. 

I did have one beer last night at my sister's boyfriend's bday party. I don't know if that affected my temp at all. Some say it will bring the bbt down and some say it willbring it up. But usually it is because of drinking heavily not have a glass of beer. 

I will be going on may 21 to get my progesterone test done. If I was to place O it would have been yesterday.

I'm not sure what I will do or what will happen if I am suddenly not ovulating on letrozole. Possibly try one more month and see what happens. make sure it wasn't a fluke. I don't think I can go up in dosage. I think the max is 7.5mg which is what I am on. But not sure.


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## RichieesMom

les, twins would be amazing! fx babe 

hang in there aayla. I'm having a rough time with all this waiting on O too. so worried. if i O at anytime this month, ill be happy. an anovulatory month would really hurt.

the heavy ewcm soy produced is now gone tho. :(


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## Aayla

my ewcm is gone now too. So I am pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. Now to just get through the next few days and hope my temps continue to climb. When I played with FF and put in temps for the next 2 days, if they went up it gave me dotted cross hairs and had ovulation as cd 19 (yesterday).


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## Aayla

screw it. I am counting myself 1 dpo until it's confirmed either way. I ordered Wondfos from Amazon. 25 piece. lol I will get them on Wednesday but I won't be using them until I do my progesterone test that confirms O. I usually don't test earlier than that as I always have to go for my test to confirm. Except the cycle of my bfp because I knew at 3dpo that I was pregnant. 

This one I don't want to symptom spot because last cycle I got everything and wasn't pregnant.


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## BronteForever

Aayla and Richieesmom - If you both got EWCM hopefully you ovulated and might have just missed the surge on a test. I'm curious to hear what your progesterone test says Aayla. 

Les - good luck tomorrow hon. Hopefully it answers some questions at least. The more you know, the less you have to think about and it's one less thing to worry about each month.

That would be wonderful if you ended up with twins.


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## RichieesMom

just showered n noticed some ewcm but not as much as before. deff didn't have any yesterday or this morning. idk. I'm gonna try not to stress this anymore. easier said than done, but gonna try!


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## mrs unicorn

Richiees & aayla- sorry you're having such a hard time detecting o. I had a cycle previously where I didn't temp properly or do opks at the right time, it was so frustrating. FF never gave me CHs either. Someone on here suggested it was annovulatory, I was devastated. I don't think it was in the end. I guess sometimes our bodies just don't play ball. I would say if you've had fertile cm and your temps are increasing (even a tiny bit) chances are you have ovulated.

Les - I had the same thought this week. Twins would be amazing, it'd be like the ones we lost coming back to us, in a way. But, like you, I'd be over the moon with one! Rubbish about the progesterone test - can they do one to measure levels? I was reading about it yesterday, is it more to do with the levels of progesterone in relationship to your levels of estrogen? Maybe they'd have to do 2 tests to check levels?

AFM +opk this morning at 7am (I was woken at 5am by my kitten though!!) I did about 8 opks yesterday to try and catch it early. I had an almost + at about 5pm but this mornings is a super dark line. Looks like I'm back oing on cd13 again, yey! I'm also pleased because we weren't really 'going for it' this cycle but we bd the past two days (thank you weekend). To be quite honest I'm amazed I'm oing on time. This week has been so incredibly stressful finding out about my SIL. We have a family group on whatsapp and she was messaging everyone, wanting attention and getting excited - which she has every right to do and should be doing. She was laughing at how much weight she's put on all ready and saying she couldn't wait for her scan date. I left the group and had to text my brother to apologise and ask him to kind of keep me out of things for a bit. He's so understanding, I know he'll be devastated to think it's hurting me though. Im just trying to not think about it for a bit. Despite that I'm feeling good (but with no expectations) about this cycle still. Calm - for the time being anyway!!


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## Aayla

Uni: i would have left the group too. While getting an announcement is one thing, being inundated with daily updates is another. 

I had one cycle, my second one letrozole but my first ovulatory one, I had no temp shift. It was only my second month temping and I was all over the place with my time of waking. This month I have been quite consistent and the open circles are my time off by about an hour. But even FF says it isn't so much about time as the overall pattern and seeing the biphasic shift. So hopefully it keeps going up.


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## RichieesMom

mrs u, im glad ur brother understands. he seems to have ur back while ur down n he's up. hope u feel alil better soon babe.

aayla, temp rise today?

afm, i finally got a pretty much +opk!!! its not blaring like id like but its sooo damn close I'm taking it as a +. thank u jesus, thank u thank u!! ugh, i was praying yesterday to plz let me have another chance this month, tested a bit ago, n to my surprise its a decent +. tomorrow morning should be darker than the control line...i hope! bring on the o pain, I'm ready!


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## Aayla

Richiees: Woo Hoo!! yay for a positive!! 

I had a .07 rise today. I woke up with a cold and with my mouth open. I laid there with it closed for a few min before I temped to hopefully even it out and bring it back up to it's normal temp. So I think this has been happening and may be why I'm not getting the big temp rise. 

If I get a .03 rise tomorrow FF will put in dotted cross hairs. But I am counting myself as 2 dpo and if I get O confirmed on Saturday by my progesterone I will start testing at 8 dpo with my wondfos. Not that I'm likely to see a positive so soon but I have the urge to test.


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## RichieesMom

good temp rise! yeah, that might be what the prob was. good thing u woke up n noticed.


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## lesondemavie

Hooray for O MrsU, Richiees and Aayla!

MrsU our cats wake us up sometimes too. They swarm once it's light outside and wait until they see an eye open and then cry for food. Regarding your SIL, I would have done the same. I'm sure they understand :hug:


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## mrs unicorn

Richiees - woop for o! Maybe you were waiting for me to catch up!! :winkwink:

Aayla - your temps are going in the right direction so fx for you.

Leson - your chart is looking lovely, how are you doing? yep I think it's the light that gets him up. He was meowing at our door at 5am again this morning :dohh: DH cannot bare it (such a softie) so he lets him in.

It means I'm temping an hour earlier than normal! Oh well, I'm not too bothered, the increase is enough to confirm o so I'm happy. I'm feeling so good at the moment. My skin breaking out this morning is encouraging it as I started to break out at 1dpo with my bfp. I'm just going to let myself get my hopes up I think. It might make the TWW easier? I know it'll be awful when af arrives but that disappointment won't last as long as the TWW!


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## Aayla

I get my hopes up each cycle. I had so many symptoms last time I would have bet money I was pregnant. I was floored with negative tests and then af arriving right on time. 

I am cautiously optimistic this cycle. With the temps not behaving and no positive opk I am a bit worried I haven't ovulated. But we timed everything pretty well. We missed day of O and day after that FF likes but we got in the few days before.

Not sure what my temp will do in the morning. I have a horrible head cold and can't breathe through my nose.


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## RichieesMom

i think i was waiting for u mrs u lol

got another +opk this morning. this one is on fire. test line is darker than the control line! thats what i wanted to see! now i just need dh to bd with my on time! yesterday it was so damn hard to get him in bed with me at any time during the day. he was very busy n in a bad mood. i was so pissed. didn't bd till late at night. 

i told him, that he totally defeats the purpose of everything I'm doing. temping, peeing on things, charting in my lil notebook, taking a shit load of pills n checking cm everyday. just so he can make me wait all freaking day! man, i wanted to knock him out! haha


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - My temps were looking lovely. Bit of a dip today, but I get that every cycle around 7 DPO. Only time will tell if they go back up and stay up like they did before my BFP, or if this is the beginning of my usual zig zag down to AF. If nothing else, it looks like my hormones are maybe stable again and with the dip coming a day later the b6 might be doing the trick in lengthening my LP. We're huge softies. We let the girls sleep with us all night long.

Aayla - That's the perfect attitude. I am also trying to remain cautiously optimistic. My hopes were dashed a bit yesterday by my cp/cm and my temp dip today, but that's silly. None of that is consistent. I just need to ignore it and wait.

Richiees - hooray for a blazing positive. Cheers to catching that egg!


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## BronteForever

Yay for positive Os ladies. Hope the TWW wait treats you well.

Les - when are you due to test? Good luck this cycle. When do you get results from your progesterone test?

mrs u - I don't blame you for getting out of the group chats with your SIL. That is a bit much to handle on a daily basis, even if you haven't just dealt with a loss. Glad your brother is understanding, but your SIL probably should have realized to tone it down a notch. It's one thing to announce a pregnancy, but to give daily updates to someone that's just suffered a loss is way too much.

Aayla - I'd get excited every cycle as well and swear that there were signs. I think our bodies play tricks on us, since we are ultra focused on every change and detail during the TWW. It's annoying.


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## lesondemavie

I should get my progesterone results later today. I'll update my journal when I do. I plan to wait until Friday or Saturday. If my temps are still up then, I'll test.


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## Starlight288

Hi ladies!
I think I'm ready to join you all. I've been lurking as I wait for my first AF which has arrived after about 5 weeks. (D&e on 4/12). We were told to wait 2 cycles. But I feel like one would be enough. So we'll see.

Just wanted to pop in and say hi and wish you all the best of luck !!


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## RichieesMom

hi starlight :flower: sorry for ur loss hun. good luck this cycle! look forward to hearing more from u.


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## Starlight288

Thank you for the welcome!


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## BronteForever

Starlight - welcome to the group. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope this group can offer some support as you get back to TTC. Good luck this cycle if you decide to get back or the next one if you decide it's better to wait physically and mentally another month.


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## Starlight288

Thank you Bronte. Not sure what we'll do yet. I think overall I'm emotionally ready the best I can be, I'd just like to leave it to fate.

Looking towards to getting to know everyone's story.


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## RichieesMom

bronte, any news on that last call u got from the docs office yet?

starlight, this is my 1st month trying soy isoflavones (5th month) ttc after giving birth to my first born (gorgeous son) last nov. he passed alil less than an hr later. iv been trying since the day i had my 6 weeks pp checkup. I'm still grieving but ttc thru it all helps alil in some way. 

anyway, didn't expect O pain till tomorrow but its been on n off since this afternoon. not too bad yet, but bcuz soy is suppose to enhance ovulation pain it should be pretty gnarly tomorrow!


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## lesondemavie

Star - So good to hear from you. I'm glad AF didn't keep you waiting too long. Massive hugs as you get back to TTC. It's tough, but we're all here for the ups and downs <3


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## Starlight288

I'm so sorry for your loss. What is this soy? what do you use it for? Im still pretty new to all of this. I was temping this month after m/c but I don't think I ovulated


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## Aayla

Couldn't temp this morning. I have a horrible cold and I only slept for 2 hours at a time. I have put O at cd 19 so that makes me 3 dpo today. I think my wondfos arrived today. Got a package but I was sleeping. I won't be testing until Sunday as I never test until O is confirmed with the progesterone test.


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## BronteForever

Starlight - whenever you are ready we are hear for whatever you want to talk about. I had to take 3 years off after an ectopic before TTC again, both because we weren't ready and because life got in the way. Others get right back at it. It's whatever you are comfortable with. Good luck. 

Aayla - that's coming up. Hope you get O confirmed. 

Les - bummer you don't know the results of your test yet. Hope they get ahold of you tomorrow. 

Richieesmom - hopefully pain isn't too bad and the delay helped with getting your eggs nice and ready. 

AFM - I have no more info from the doctor yet. My appointment is next Tuesday. I'm curious what he saw on the HSG but nothing would surprise me at this point. Frankly I'll just be glad for a more definitive guess as to what's going on. I've gotten a lot of maybes but none of them fully explain the pain and other issues I have during my cycles now. I know I have blocked tubes but don't know the exact underlying cause. So better answers will be nice. The nurse said it shouldn't affect IVF plans much just change a few things of how we proceed. Should know soon.


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## RichieesMom

its suppose to be help with ovulation. depending on the days u take it (5 days while on af). either cd1-5, 2-6, 3-7, or 5-9. earlier days should produce more eggs but alil less mature, later like 5-9 focuses on the egg that is already growing, so u get one really good egg. middle days r supposedly the best of both worlds (3-7, more mature without cutting out the chance of releasing more than one). i decided to do cd2-6. for some woman, it bring on ovulation earlier than ur norm, n others it delays. worse case scenario, anovulatory cycle altogether. for me, it delayed my O. i should of ovulated 5 days ago on cd13 like my other cycles but barely got my +opks yesterday n today, finally! its not for everyone, but i rolled the dice bcuz of the tons of success stories.

bronte, i really hope u get some helpful answers. I'm sooooo looking forward to june for u!!


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## mrs unicorn

Starlight - welcome back, good to hear from you. Getting back to TTC isn't an easy thing I'm afraid. We started straight away, NTNP the cycle of mc, and now we're on our second proper cycle. There's no right or wrong decision, so go with whatever you feel is right at the time. A little warning, it may throw up a lot of emotions, good and bad. A couple of us here, me included, have had really tough times getting back to it. But we are here for you. Whatever you do don't hide away. But it's not all bad, I'm feeling good this cycle so far, despite finding out last week that my SIL got pregnant the month I lost ours. What are the chances eh?

Richiees - yey for the super duper positive. I'm always so happy when I get a line darker than the control line! Love it. Fx for you.

Bronte - that's good that whatever it is, it won't interfere with IVF. Hopefully you'll get a decent idea of what might be going on. I really hope so. Even if your first IVF works for you, it would still be frustrating to not know exactly what is stopping you?

Leson - I'm the same. I'm trying to not look into anything symptoms wise. It's hard because I really want a bfp but nothing will convince me apart from a hpt! Fx you get your progesterone results today.


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## RichieesMom

les, any word?

i got another +opk today. 3 days in a row! i usually just get 2 then O. weird.


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## lesondemavie

Nothing :(. They didn't even respond to my email. I'm going to call on my lunch break.


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## Starlight288

Mrs u- thank you so much for the encouraging words. I go back and forth already but everyone here sounds so helpful and encouraging. 

Thanks all!


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## lesondemavie

My level was only 3.7 &#128561;. They look for levels over 10 and 15 is even better. Just goes to show you we know our bodies best. I'm asking to go on Clomid next cycle to see if that will give me a stronger O. Here's hoping we're on the right track and thank goodness I pushed for this test before another heartbreaking loss. Maybe I'll get those twins after all &#128517;


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## RichieesMom

les, im so glad u had that test done! u will have ur blessing very soon. i feel it!


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## BronteForever

Les - I'm so sorry but at least you know now and can get proper help. Hopefully they give you Clomid to help with ovulation. I'm assuming that also means you'd need to do progesterone supplements for any confirmed pregnancy too, correct? Or what else can it impact?


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## mrs unicorn

Leson - I've commented in your journal. Hoping soon that you can focus on the positives and the future. You will get there. Xx


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## RichieesMom

well, got a -opk today so my lil eggy should be dropping today....but no O pain. had O pain day before yesterday. totally expected to be in some pain day of - but its been very minimal off n on. nothing what i usually feel on day of -. this cycle has officially irritated the hell out of me. maybe the serrapeptase is helping with the pain......but then again, y was my ovary pain worse the other day if that was the case? maybe I'm stressing over nothing. but i want to feel the pain! its my only clear indicator (other than temp confirmation) that the egg is gonna drop!


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## Starlight288

Les- glad you looked into that. What's the next step?


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## Aayla

I think we can have all sorts of pains and pinches and stuff down there. And sometimes what we think is happening in our uterus is actually in our intestines. I had a huge stabby pain in what I think was my uterus yesterday. it honestly felt like something was trying to burrow into me. but it was probably just a muscle spasm. 

5dpo today. I think. Won't know for sure until saturday. At least I won't know if ovulation happened for sure. since I am sick I can't temp and so I have no way now of confirming ovulation day but by my cm I would say cd 19.


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## lesondemavie

Mel - I'm thinking of you! Hope your appointment went well <3

Kmfx for the tww crew MrsU, Aayla and Richiees!

Bronte - Nearly time for your appointment. Hope you have a fun distraction planned for this weekend :)


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## Aayla

Going for my progesterone test tomorrow. I will know by 5pm, hopefully sooner as I am getting in early. The hard part is not checking my phone constantly. We can get our results online. I am excited to go to bed now. Lol


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## mrs unicorn

Ah yes, Bronte did you say your appt was Tuesday?

Richiees - maybe the soy you've been taking it mixing things up a bit? I used to have very regular o pains but since the mc they are different so I've learnt to not worry about those now. It did freak me out a bit at first though, it was always a reliable and reassuring feeling.

Aayla - good luck with your test results.

Les - when are you seeing your doc again, or have you decided between the clomid and progesterone?

Star and Mel - hope you're both ok.

Afm - I'm annoyed with my temps again. What's with the almost flat line? Remember I had this my mc cycle, but I put it down to it not being a proper cycle. Now I'm freaking out thinking I have a dodgy ovary or something. When I look back through my charts - sept - normal pattern (but not TTC), oct - normal, Nov - wierd, Dec - no temping, March - wierd, April - normal, and now I'm thinking may is a wierd one. I've gone into full on paranoia mode today. I'm thinking I might not temp next cycle (or maybe ditch it completely) just do opks and spread the bding out a bit just incase ov changes. I wanted to temp to check that everything looked like it had returned to normal post mc but I guess that's not working for me!


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## Aayla

Ok. I am totally freaking out. I just got a whole wack load of ewcm. I have never had it more than once in a cycle. I have been too sick to BD the last few days and I am so tired and still suck that I really don't want to now. 

Has anyone got it during the tww? Could it be my cold meds turning creamy to ew? I wish temping was a thing but with the cold it can't be. I even tried today but my temp was just below 35.95 C which is quite low and way below cover.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - I've seen many BFP charts with flat temps (including mine back in December). It's perfectly ok hun <3

Aayla - It could definitely be your cold meds, and some people do get patches of fertile cm in the tww. Take it easy and only do what you feel up to. Your health is more important:)


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## Aayla

Turned back to creamy this morning. Now I am sitting at the lab waiting for my number to be called. Wish I had ate something before running out the door. Lol I have 15 people ahead of me. 

But I shoukd know the results between 3pm and 5pm my time.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - I haven't seen my ob since my MMC. We've just been messaging back and forth. I think once AF comes she'll prescribe natural progesterone 3-4 days after a +opk...so just waiting on the witch for now...


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## mrs unicorn

Les - that's good about the natural progesterone. Annoying that your temps have shot up but I see you've done a hpt :hugs: 

Well I've hidden my thermometer away, I'm not going to bother now. I know really it doesn't mean anything either way but it's making me flap again, so bye bye thermometer. I'm seriously considering not TTC for the next few months. I never thought I'd say that but I'm so fed up, it's all I think about and it's making me miserable. DH too. I haven't spoken to him yet, not sure what he'll think. Not sure I can bring myself to actually say the words. I don't really want to stop but we need to do something to pull ourselves out of this. My SIL being pregnant has just made me even more desparate for it and I can't go on feeling like this for months on end. We've got a while before we need to decide anyway.


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## lesondemavie

I'm sorry you're still so down MrsU :hugs:. Remember this is the tough part of the cycle. No need to make any decisions just yet. Hope you can play with your cat, watch something fluffy, and cook something tasty this weekend <3

My high temps are really annoying but I had wine the other night and last night was pretty restless, so I have no clue. They usually drop by now. Still hoping AF arrives today or tomorrow so my ob can confirm a short LP and get on with prescribing the progesterone.


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## RichieesMom

mrs u, i agree with u on the temping. i myself am getting anxiety every morning just before my thermometer goes off. this morning for example, if my temp had not spiked, that low temp would of determined my whole mood for the day. its maddening. n ttc is hard. too hard at times. if u need to take a couple months to urself, then by all means, take it. reset ur mind. we're all hear for u luv. 

aayla, iv had ewcm in my tww before. no worries.

les, y can't i ever get to ur journal?

mel, bronte, star, bee, :hugs:

:wacko: my dreaded temping this morning turned out good. had a good spike, so i guess today is 1dpo.


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## Aayla

I think my issue is that I have never had a cold while ovulating. The last time I had a cold was exactly one year ago and I hadn't yet started the femara journey. I think because I am at the stage in my cold where everything is wanting to come out and the cervix is a mucous membrane it is reacting in the same way. This is just very new to me.


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## lesondemavie

Richiees - You should be able to just click on the blue link in my signature. Is it not working?


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## BronteForever

mrs u - hugs. I know some months get really hard and try to stay strong. I also ditched temping and opk a few months and I will say I'm very glad I did. If they are stressing you out, then it's simply not worth it. You learn to listen to your bodies natural cues and can guess pretty well when the best time is to BD for your body. All the other stuff can simple get too much. When you are ultra focused on TTC like that it can be that much harder when it doesn't succeed. Everyone is different. It's perfectly fine to tone it down for some months and if you feel comfortable trying more in the future then go back to it. You have to keep your sanity during this process!!! 

Les - I'm so glad you are going to get stuff to help and that you followed your gut to get checked out!

Aayla - I'm sure it probably is the cold medicine or cold that's affecting things. 

Richieesmom - I'm sorry your cycle is confusing you. Hopefully it's good news though and ovulating later is exactly what you needed.

AFM - yes my appointment is this upcoming Tuesday. So I should know what the doctor says then and will also schedule my injection training sessions at that time, work on ordering meds, and then we are good to go for our next cycle that should start the end of June. We shall see what exactly is going to change though. Fingers crossed it's nothing major.


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## RichieesMom

no ones signatures r showing up! boo

bronte, iv got everything crossed for u. super excited n nervous at the same time! i hope ur cool as a cucumber tho..


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## lesondemavie

Strange! Well here's the link if you want it. All are welcome! 

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/t...t-mmc-5-18-16-low-progesterone-3-7-ng-ml.html


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## BronteForever

Richieesmom - you might have the signature option turned off. Go to user cp > edit options > thread display options and you should be able to check it to show signatures. I love seeing them because usually it's a good summary of everyone's journey.

And I'm excited. Probably not cool as a cucumber. Most stuff hasn't hit me much yet with what we are doing. I know it will eventually.


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## RichieesMom

figured it out. thanks bronte n les!


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## Aayla

Totally gutted. I didn't ovulate this cycle. It was a medicated cycle so I am unsure what is going to happen. I don't know if they go higher than 7.5mg. 

I don't know what caused it to not work. Maybe the cold that came on at the same time O was supposed to happen, maybe my gaining so much weight in the last year. 

I won't know anything for next steps until at least Tuesday since it is a long weekend here.


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## BronteForever

Oh Aayla, so sorry. Hugs. I hope they can give you other steps to try for next month.


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## lesondemavie

I'm so sorry Aayla :hugs::hugs::hugs:. That must be so tough. I hope they can figure it out. It seems so unfair. Why would our bodies do these things? Right??? So frustrating!

I have such regular ovulation, but it does me no good with such low levels. I really, really hope that progesterone works for me. I also feel like stepping away from the temping and opks, but I will need to know when I O so I can determine when to start progesterone. I'll probably stop during AF and then again after I confirm O next cycle. I really wish AF would just show already.

I know we're all a bit down, but I still believe that happier times are ahead for us all. I can't wait until this is all behind us and we're sharing pregnancy and baby moments instead. We got this :thumbup:


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## RichieesMom

aayla, I'm sorry luv!! if it is possible that they can up ur dose for next cycle then cool. but if not, maybe soy iso won't hurt to try....if ur comfortable.?

les, yes, better times to come!


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - sorry hun. We do all we can and if our bodies won't cooperate it must be so frustrating. Really hope they can work something out for you soon.

Les - af will be here in a couple of days right? You're almost there and the next cycle will hopefully be filled with new hope once you've got your meds. X

Richiees - yep I get that. I'm the same. If my temp is good then it's a good day, if not that's it it's ruined the day already. It's mad that we let it do that. Maybe you could try temping for a few days before and after o - once you get your CHs stop?

Bronte - fx for Tuesday and the news isn't too bad. Hopefully it's something you can work around or remedy quickly.

Thanks for all the advice girls. DH and I chatted last night. We're not going to stop TTC. Neither of us want to really. DH also feels it won't help and it would make things more stressful going back to it - I hadn't thought about that but I think he's right. Instead we're going to pull each other up and onwards. Not give in to it - the lack of motivation in all other areas. I'm also going to stop behaving like I'm TTC. For me it's too much to stop drinking coffee/wine, to fear exercise, to try and eat the right foods at the right time in my cycle to try and help things. I'm going to stop temping, maybe do opks for a cycle or two just to make sure it doesn't change. But I need to stop planning around things too. For example my mum and I are planing a few girly days at the end of June and my first thought was 'I'll be at the end of the TWW, can I move it so I can drink?' I'm not going to move it, and I will drink. Not sure if I'll manage all this, I'm kind of an all or nothing type person, but I'm going to give it my best shot!

(Yes I am awake at 5am on a Saturday, courtesy of a little meowing fluff ball!)


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## Aayla

I'm not sure if they can up the dose. I have only found one post on a thread on abother board that had someone up to 12.5mg. I did find a study where they looked at higher doses up to 12.5mg. 

My thought is that my cold affected my ovulation. I am hoping it is delayed and my temps will reflect that. But if not I hope they will do one more cycle to see and if that is also anovulatory then move the dose up.


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## lesondemavie

:flower: Hi kitty (and MrsU), good morning! I'm about to climb into bed with three furballs and DH. I think I'm right in that exact same headspace especially now that I feel like progesterone was the culprit of my MMC. I need to get back to exercising, and not stress over a drink now and again. DH and I need to have a little getaway this summer, and I have to stop planning my life around this. I'm getting so excited to move and start my garden and woodworking. I asked my brother for an ice cream churn (as a belated bday gift) so I can start adding some delicious ice creams to my desserts like they do on masterchef Australia. I tried a lemon curd marscapone ice cream by hand the other week and boy was it a pain! Just like making puff pastry from scratch so much waiting around...in and out of the freezer/fridge...no thanks! I've completely neglected planning for my DH's bday on Sunday, but I want to bake something amazing for him. We're hiking tomorrow morning but I think I can pull something together after that. Happy weekend all!!! <3


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## Aayla

Mrs U: I agree with your plan. You have to live your life. Many women have the motto drink until pink. Basically drink until you see the 2 pink lines. You can eat and drink whatever you want basically. The baby doesn't get stuff from your blood directly until about 8 weeks when the umbilical cord is fully formed. 

So having a glass of wine (or 2 or 3) and some sushi is not going to harm anything. Especially so very early on. 

Relaxing and enjoying life is the way to go. Less stress for sure.


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## BronteForever

Les and mrs u - I'm so excited for you ladies and I really feel like you will be less stressed if not temping as much or putting life on hold. We did that for awhile and as soon as we switched our mindset that we needed to start living our life again it was much easier. This is so unpredictable and you can't plan life around something that's not here yet. It just makes it so much worse when it doesn't come then. I know it's hard to not think about it as much. But just try to stay busy and naturally you'll think about TTC less. You got this ladies. 

Les - so excited the move is coming up. You are definetly going to be busy with that for awhile. The ice cream sounds yummy. Hope your husband has a nice birthday. 

mrs u - I think a trip away will do wonders and I don't think you need to worry about a small drink here or there either. 

Aayla - hope they get it worked out. Fingers crossed it was just the cold and you'll ovulate fine next month.

AFM - it's my grandmas 90th birthday so about to go to visit. She didn't want a party in anyway. I think she's mad she's still alive and doesn't want to celebrate. She had a stroke over 2 years ago and it's been a big challenge since then. Hopefully she enjoys the visitors today at least.


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - AF is due today maybe tomorrow. Just hoping the witch arrives on time. I think I'm going to stop taking B6 until she does &#128517;

Bronte - Hope your grandma manages to have a good birthday. I'm so sorry to hear about her stroke. I volunteered in a home in high school, and spent a good chunk of time with this lady who just talked about how she wanted to die. It was depressing for sure! My dad's mom just turned 90, and she had a big party. My mom's mom is not far behind, and I have no doubt that she'll want an even bigger bash than what she had for 85. They both still seem to be in good spirits and good health for their age, but they are definitely slowing down. Still I look at them and think gee I'm going to be around a while aren't. Good genes for the women in my family I guess!


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## Starlight288

Ayala- that has to be frustrating. Hope upping it will help you out.

Good luck to all those taking a break from temping. If it's stressing you out its really not worth it. I think like I heard someone else say you have to live your life. We all want this but it can't consume our happiness. I hope that makes sense. Easier said then done. Hugs to you all!


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - happy 90th to your grandma! I'm sure she'll be delighted to see everyone even if she doesn't want a fuss. My only grandparent left is my grandad who's 80. We celebrated his 80th a month after my 30th. It always amuses /amazes me that there's almost exactly 50 years between us!

Les - hope af does get a wiggle on! Have you done any decorating research/brainstorming for your new place yet?

Star - you are so right. My reason for considering stopping TTC was I wanted my life back. I couldn't bear the thought of feeling like that for the rest of the year (or longer). And yep, easier said than done but I'm going to give it my best shot - I have to!

Thanks for the encouragement girls. It's the right way to go for me for sure. Wish I'd decided to try this ages ago, but guess we gotta go through these things to work it out. I've had a busy day doing all the things to the house that I've been meaning to do for ages (and couldn't find the motivation for) - hanging pictures, planted up some hanging baskets in the yard and picked a colour to paint the kitchen. I'm shattered now and it's only 5pm! Definitely having a glass of wine tonight, that feels good to say!


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## BronteForever

Oh she had a great time and we managed to sort of give her a party just less overwhelming of one. She still got cake and even wore a birthday sash and tiara. She's doing well but can't walk since the stroke but is pretty much mentally all there. It was the worst that could happen to her because she was so independent before that. She was driving up till then and living in more independent living. Now that she's had to move to the nursing home end and didn't respond to therapy well to regain any mobility, she talks about wanting to die a lot but she jokes about it more than anything and maintains a sense of humor about it. We know she's ready to go though so that's sad. I'm glad she let herself celebrate a bit today. There were over 20 family members there and she handled it well which usually overwhelms her. So I'm glad for that.


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## BronteForever

mrs u - sounds like a productive day. Yay for enjoying a glass of wine. 

Les - hopefully the witch arrives on time. When will you need to start progesterone?


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## RichieesMom

im gonna temp up until the 3rd day of temp spike then stop. then continue once af shows. so one more day!

my mother works in a nursing home. she talks about this one lady who is very much looking forward to passing. her reason, she wants to be with her husband n daughter in heaven already. if i remember correctly, she's in her early nineties too. her first born baby died after birth. she didn't get to hold her daughter. she passed out n then they took her baby to the morge right away. she went on to have twins after that. but she's ready to go. she told my mom that when she sees her daughter she will be an adult. my mom asked how do u know, n she said i just know. 

in my culture (I'm mexican), life is not worth living without faith in the lord. i know that when its my turn to transition n be with my son, he won't be a baby like i last saw him. children don't stay children forever. child like, yes. in the way that they r so innocent n loving. but we believe they r gently raised to adulthood so that they may fully experience all that paradise has to offer. who wants to be stuck in a childs body forever! 

anyway, that old woman who my mom takes care of looks forward to her transition. as so many elderly do.

i know some of u are not believers so i hope i didnt offend anyone.


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## Aayla

no offense here Richiees. We all believe what we believe and so long as no one tries to convert me than it's all good. I am Wiccan but I don't practice much and I no longer believe there is any sort of entity, God or Goddess, looking out for us. But I do believe in reincarnation, spirits/ghosts and that humans are more capable of doing things with their minds than we actually do, aka Magick. 

Religion fascinates me as a subject and I love learning about all the different ones. How they started, grown and evolved and the various rites and practices. 

on the fertility front: The clinic called about my results. They are concerned. I explained to them my cycles and what I think happened. Trying to explain why I went for my progesterone test on cd 25 and not 21 was exhausting. They don't seem to believe that I ovulate around cd 19. but I explained that I temp and that's how I know. So they are giving the info to my doc and we will see what he says. 7.5mg is the highest dose they give. He may want me to come in for an ultrasound. I am hoping he allows me one more cycle without a cold to see if I have become resistant to it or it was just an off month. Also by Tuesday I will know what is going on with my temps. 

it is possible my weight has contributed to this as well. The more weight you have the less these drugs work and I have gained quite a bit of weight in the last year. I have been struggling to lose it for awhile. If this is the case they may cut me off and if I can't be on letrozole or it doesn't work then I will have to go on the Mirena until I get my weight down to try again. 

I don't know what is next if fertility drugs fail. Do I need these drugs for IVF? They have to grow the egg somehow. But alas. IVF is very expensive here...$16,000 for one shot. and they won't do it at my weight. I would need to lose at least 100 lbs. 

I hate this limbo. I hate not knowing what the plan is.


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## RichieesMom

i have never heard of wiccan. i will be googling about it. i too like knowing about all other religions n beliefs just out of curiosity. I'm not religious like my family. i don't go to church or anything like that. but i do have full n loving faith in jesus. I'm spiritual. i have my own special relationship with god. 

I'm sorry about all of that aayla. just don't give up. things will work themselves out. n u said u didn't ovulate on clomid?


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## BronteForever

Definetly no offense taken and I find it interesting to hear what people believe. I was raised in a very religious/Christian household but don't really follow much anymore. But I'm so glad you find comfort in it, Richieesmom, and it helps to think about what it would be like to see your son as an adult. Hugs. 

Aayla - so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you get it figured out. I know with IVF the drugs are likely different but I'm not sure in your case. I ovulate but the main drugs I'll be on are Follistim, Menopur, and Ganirelix. There several other ones they try. I know some clinics do want your weight below a certain BMI to help with success, it is expensive, and definitely not for everyone. Really hope you don't have to entertain that idea. I'm also on a Get Fit for Baby in the TTC groups section that's great support since I'm also overweight. I've been doing decent on 21 day fix but definetly have some better days then others.


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## Aayla

Be careful about Google. Wicca is a religion that has so many different beliefs and followings. It's a nature religion based on pre-christian paganism. Some Wiccans, like myself, call themselves Witches. others don't. It's the anti-Wiccan pages to be careful of. Most anti-wiccan pages think we worship the devil etc but we don't believe the devil is a thing. The devil is also a Christian concept (not to be compared with demons, which many believe are real) and to believe in the Devil would mean to believe in its opposite God. 

some believe in a goddess and a god. Some are just Goddess based. Some worship or follow one specific pantheon like Greek (Zeus, Hera etc) or Egyptian (Isis, Ra etc). Others incorporate them all in their devotions, magick and holidays. Some there is one all powerful spirit and then a goddess and god, then the lower gods of the various pantheos. etc Like I said..many different versions. 

I am more than happy to talk about what I personally believe in. While it's not true for all Wiccans/Witches it is what I have prayed over and practiced for 20 years. I don't believe everything I read when it comes to this religion. I have used what works for me and have prayed over things I have found difficult in understanding.


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## Aayla

BronteForever said:


> Definetly no offense taken and I find it interesting to hear what people believe. I was raised in a very religious/Christian household but don't really follow much anymore. But I'm so glad you find comfort in it, Richieesmom, and it helps to think about what it would be like to see your son as an adult. Hugs.
> 
> Aayla - so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully you get it figured out. I know with IVF the drugs are likely different but I'm not sure in your case. I ovulate but the main drugs I'll be on are Follistim, Menopur, and Ganirelix. There several other ones they try. I know some clinics do want your weight below a certain BMI to help with success, it is expensive, and definitely not for everyone. Really hope you don't have to entertain that idea. I'm also on a Get Fit for Baby in the TTC groups section that's great support since I'm also overweight. I've been doing decent on 21 day fix but definetly have some better days then others.

I LOVE 21 DAY FIX!!! My soul workout and eating plan. I really need to get back on it. When I first did it I lost 8 lbs and 7.5 inches in 21 days and I wasn't exactly perfect. This is why I love hammer and Chisel. The added bonus of lifting weights but combined with 21 day fix. I lost quite a bit of weight in my first couple of weeks doing H&C. I really need to get back to that.


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## RichieesMom

sorry, wicca! i said wiccan. did alil bit of research already.


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## BronteForever

Aayla - I love the eating plan too. It's one of the easiest I've found to follow. I have the app on my phone and just mark off containers when I eat. I don't even measure stuff anymore, just eyeball it. I've heard great things about hammer and chisel but haven't tried it. I also have the PIYO DVDs and mix that one in periodically and my friend let me borrow Cize. I'm usually not a DVD workout person and prefer sports but I'm motivated before IVF and it's the easiest for me to do at this time. Now if people could stop bringing in so many tempting desserts at work, I'd be all set. Good luck. 

Oh and I don't know much about Wicca but do know it's often very misunderstood.


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## Aayla

I own a bunch P90X, P90X 2, 21 Day Fix, Fix Extreme and Hammer & Chisel but with Beachbody on Demand now I get access to much more and I like the variety. 

I love how Beachbody is using the 21 day fix eating program in its new programs.


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## lesondemavie

We all find our centers to get us through this in our own ways, and I absolutely love that. I'm so glad you all can share what you're going through entirely with love and tolerance for everyone here. So long as we all remember that we're here for support and to support, we'll get through this together <3. I am more of a secular humanist. Empathy is my moral compass, and love and nature are my spirituality. I find my strength in the kindness I see around me every day. Boy I sound like so much more of a hippie than I am, but hey I do live in California :haha:. I could just as easily describe myself as a skeptic and an agnostic atheist, but that doesn't really tell you much about what I do believe.

Richiees - That is sad, but beautiful. What a lovely thought that our lost children still get the chance to grow even if it isn't here with us. I'm picturing my rosy cheeked, Scottish grandfather bouncing my little gremlin on his knee like he used to do with me, and my Irish grandfather teaching the LO all about practical jokes and bird watching. They passed away when I was 5 and 9 respectively. Brings a smile to my face.

Aayla - I'm so sorry they don't think you're Oing. I hope they listen and give you a chance. I don't know much about IVF, but I do know weight can factor into fertility. I know losing weight can be tough. Are you working towards a goal now or waiting to see what they say?

Raine - I hope work and your remodeling is going well. Thinking of you!

Bronte - So glad to hear that everything went well today!

MrsU - Hope you enjoyed that glass of wine! Better have been a good one ;). You deserve it!

AFM: The hike this morning was beautiful, and our friend's little 1yo had a blast. It's so hard watching DH just love every second playing with kids, but it helps me to know we're on the right path. I find I'm very defensive when friends mention us having kids. I shoot it down, and act like there's no way we'd want them, and then distract them by talking about the next animal we plan to get. Off to make sure I have everything to bake DH a tiramisu charlotte cake for his bday. No sign of that darn witch yet. She may just come tomorrow instead.


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## lesondemavie

For fitness, I highly recommend fitnessblender.com. They have a variety of free videos for all levels and it's a great mix of cardio and weights. For food, I just use myfitnesspal. I count my calories consumed and burned on there and just make sure I'm under for the week. I was shocked at how many calories some foods are, so it really helped me make better decisions. Also if you get a good community of friends on there for support, it's easier to keep it up. I ended up in this little circle of runners and they all really helped me stick with it.


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## Aayla

I am going back to the programs that work for me. Eating on the 21 day fix plan, which is just portion control and it makes sure that I eat low carb like I am supposed to because of my insulin resistance. and I am going to do something to start working out. The cold wasn't in my chest so I should be able to do a little something starting tomorrow. Just going to take it easy on that front until I am 100% better. But the first thing I have to do is get my eating in order. That is my downfall mainly and you can't out exercise a bad diet. 

oh and I have fallen in love with pin up couture. So I am looking at dresses for my brother's wedding in September. It's in Vegas so the weather will be nice. I am trying to choose between 3 right now. I have linked them below

this first one is cute but might be too casual. there is no real dress code but it is a wedding in Vegas. but I can also wear it again to less fancy events. 

https://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/p...us-size-dresses/deedee-dress-yellow-plus.html

This next one is uber cute and the bride's colours are pink (she is in a light pink dress and her bridesmaids are in dark coral/pink). She is also a major horse lover so I think this is a cute homage to the bride. 

https://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/p...us-size-dresses/aurora-dress-horses-plus.html

This last one is my favorite but I'm not 100%. 

https://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/temp-05.html

let me know what you all think.


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## RichieesMom

i read into alil bit of it. it does seem like a lot. looks like an interesting read! my main thing is love. jesus says to love everyone regardless of their beliefs, background, or how u r treated, n i try very hard to uphold that (tho it is not easy). love is the one n only thing that matters. even if u don't believe in anything, if u have selfless love in ur heart for others then ur doing just fine. 

speaking of eating right, i need to get on the health train! bcuz my exercises r not cutting it for me while I'm stuffing my face with pizza n loches (mini mex tacos made with a specific kind of toasted buttery bread instead of tortilla)! oh man....my mouth literally just watered!

my choice would be the black dress with the pink horses! at first i thought horses? but then looking at it, its cute!


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## RichieesMom

they r all cute. but the yellow doesn't scream vegas wedding to me, n then third black one i feel like iv seen it many times. the one with lil horses has a unique feel to it. my opinion. they r all nice dresses tho.


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## Aayla

thanks! and what about this one. My little sister fell in love with this one for me. 

https://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/p...lus-size-dresses/ava-dress-wt-lv-fl-plus.html


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## RichieesMom

i love it. that looks like a winner! i was looking at dresses on that site to suggest for u but i wasn't sure what style u prefer. I'm a freak when it comes to clothing. iv gone thru many stages. but being that my arms r full of punk style tattoos, dh doesn't prefer me in dresses. so i stick to skinny jeans, tons of no print fitted tees n variety of high top chucks. hate low top, for me at least. if u don't mind I'm gonna keep looking. I'm excited now lol


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## RichieesMom

les, ur way of thinking is refreshing not hippie lol i like it


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## Aayla

oh by all means keep looking. I'm not totally fond of the floral but I'm willing to find something local that is similar to try on. I have fallen in love with these looks and I am really wanting to wear something like it to the wedding. 

I prefer to get something that I can wear more than once. I don't go to events often so I need something that is good for a night out for dinner or a bbq. 

I would also need something that is availabe in their highest size. It is still to small but not by much and I know in a couple of months the 4x of something should fit.


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## RichieesMom

ok. i don't know how to post the link but.....i found the jenny dress in black sateen. its simple but cute n has a nice flare to the bottom if u like that kinda thing. 

the lauren dress in black and white. 

or my top pick, the deadly dame downtown dame dress in baby pink. its said vegas to me as well as bbq party or night out. 

all up to 4x

some others i liked were sold out so i didn't even bother


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## RichieesMom

on second thought. not really feeling the lauren dress after all


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## RichieesMom

also liked the nancy dress in mary blair butterflies print in gray


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## Aayla

Oh I forgot to mention it can't be pink. The bride is wearing pink and her bridesmaids are wearing dark coral/pink. 

But I will look those up. Thank you!


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## Aayla

I am also open to any other sites. Prefer from the US or Canada.


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## RichieesMom

let me keep looking


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## RichieesMom

unique vintage.com has some good choices. i really liked the 1950s white heart dot high society swing dress. the black n white scarlet swing dress and rockabilly mint embroidered marylou stretch wiggle dress. all in plus sizes

scarlets & harlots.com has too many for me to choose from!


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## BronteForever

From the ones you posted I like the 3rd black and white dress the best. I think it looked the most like a pin-up girl style and would be the most versatile to wear after the wedding. The style and cut will also be flattering on a bigger frame depending on where you hold your weight. Richieesmom is right though it does look pretty basic and the horse one is more unique, depends on what you want. They are all cute though. Didn't check out all the ones Richieesmom posted though; however as a bigger girl myself I rarely feel comfortable in anything resembling a spaghetti strap or form fitting skirt but I like to hide my arms and hips. I look much better in a-line dresses but I think it's awesome if you are brave enough to where form fitting to show off curves. I admire anyone that can. I like Modcloth for retro dresses as well. They aren't as pinup girl style but might be more versatile and they have plus sizes. If anything they are fun to look at


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## mrs unicorn

I don't really believe in anything! I guess I try my best to not be judgemental and help people if I can. That's not always easy when it impacts you in a negative way, but even then I wouldn't ever want to make someone feel bad. There have been several occasions so far in my life where it has taken a lot for me to forgive and forget, but I have eventually got there because I believed it was the right thing to do for the future. I've always been a fiercely independent person, especially before meeting DH. Since then, 12 years ago, we have both changed. Also since the MMC I think we both realise we can't do or cope with everything alone. Seeking comfort and support from others is key to getting through bad times. Because of that I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they were struggling alone. If you can find something that you believe in that helps you too, I'm all for it. One thing I do believe is the mind is our most powerful tool - unfortunately that isn't always a good thing!

Les - the wine was good! Very relaxing. I just had the one glass as I'm not a big drinker but I was nicely sleepy after it (might have had something to do with being woken at 4am though!)

On the fitness front I really want to start my DVD routine again. This time last year I was in the best shape I'd ever been - now I'm in the worst! I'm by no means overweight but I hope that the distraction and focus of it will help too. I went for a 2hr walk to the beach today which I love, but today I was alone with my thoughts and that's not a good thing at the moment (DH is watching rugby with his dad). So I'm hoping following an exercise DVD will do the trick. I need to ditch the comfort food too though otherwise I'm fighting a losing battle!


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## lesondemavie

CD1 here. Really hopeful for this next cycle. I feel like progesterone has been my problem all along. Hope she tests to make sure I'm responding appropriately to the supplementation. Going to give it 3 months before I push for testing in the first half of my cycle to see if I need help with follicle development. I've seen so many other girls go on Clomid after a low progesterone test, but my ob seems to think my follies are just fine and it's just that my lining isn't typically thick enough for implantation. 50% chance she's right and there are less risks with progesterone. I've seen that Clomid can make things worse for women who ovulate regularly, so I feel good about her decision for now. Let's get those February babies :dust:


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## BronteForever

Les - I think that's a good start. Though your 3 day blood tests are pretty easy to do. So maybe they can check your other levels just in case. I'd hate to see them put you on Clomid if you don't need it and then have it mess with other stuff. 

mrs u - hope you are doing alright. Your walk sounds wonderful and being alone with your thoughts can be therapeutic even if it does make us sad. Yay for getting back to a fitness routine. I need to do better this week since I know we are going to eat more unhealthy on our trip. Hope I walk most of it off though. 

Mel - hope you are doing well and really hope you have good news to report soon.


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## Aayla

Les: if it turns out that the follies aren't quite where they need to be DO NOT go on clomid if you have lining issues. It actually thins the lining of the uterus. I would insist on going on Letrozole. it has a half life in the body of just over 2 days. Meaning that it is out of your system by cd 9, 10 at most. clomid lasts way longer.


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## mrs unicorn

leson - sounds like a plan. I don't think there's any harm in getting the tests done now, even if you want to give the progesterone a chance. But do whatever you feel is right for you though. Also, if it's bfn for me this cycle (which I'm pretty sure it will be) I won't be in the feb babies camp. Amazing how time can feel painfully slow, but slip away really quickly at the same time :wacko:

Bronte - thanks hun. I'm ok, not as down as I was, but still a bit miffed with everything is general :haha: so grumpy at the moment! At least I can laugh at myself! This morning I got one of my 'hormone breakouts' and my first thought was 'yep, definitely bfn' as I always used to break out in this way around end of 3rd/beginning of 4th week of my cycle. I'm not too down about it though, I'd rather know even if it's bad news then I can forget about any possible hopes - still 9 days till af :dohh:

when do you go on your trip, it's soon right? Have you sorted all your plans yet?


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - You are not out yet! There is still a chance you will have that February baby. I refuse to wish you a happy March baby until AF shows. That being said, I totally get needing to just look ahead to the next cycle and letting this one go. The disappointment can be too hard otherwise. You will have that baby to hold some day soon lovely <3. I'm so mad that any of us have to go through what we've been through, but I can't change a damn thing. I'm here then doing the only thing I can - offering support and holding out hope for you always, but especially when you can't any longer. We've all got your hope here in our hearts, and it'll be waiting here for you when you're ready for it once again.


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## mrs unicorn

Leson that made me cry, thank you! :hugs: I've just read your journal and to see how you're struggling and still be able to offer me those words of support is truly amazing. Thank you.

I'm currently at my mums house (my bro and SIL are moving out next week) I came because my mum and SIL have fallen out over something so silly and haven't spoken (just shouted and cried) for three days. My poor brother didn't know what to do so I thought I'd try and get them to actually talk. It was all sorted last night thank god. But I kind of wish I hadn't come. The baby talk is killing me. They aren't going over board, they're trying to be sensitive but every mention of it cuts deep. Especially at the moment where my biggest fear is that I'll never have one of my own. Another thing that has struck me about my SIL is the assumption that everything will be ok. She has told family and work at 8 weeks! She's even taking my mum to her 12 week scan (SIL said my mum was crushed by my mc so she's trying to 'do what she can ever though she's not her daughter' ouch, that hurt) I never felt like that. I never had that confidence that it would all work out, and it may surprise you after all the stuff I say on here, but I'm not that kind of person. At least I wasn't. I was a look on the positive side, everything will work out fine kind of person. Did anyone else ever feel like that? Like they couldn't be confident that it work all work out ok?


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## Aayla

Mrs U: I'm sorry you are going through this. I know with my bfp I had all the confidence in the world. I bought a little stuffed animal I saw on clearance a day or so after I found out. The cutest little stuffed Eeyore. The nursery was to be Winnie the Pooh. and I told everyone right away. Well it sort of spiraled out of control and so we decided to announce on fb officially. I had no reason to think, other than other women's stories, that this would not turn out ok. But even though it is so very common you still think, it won't happen to me. I was spotting the end of that week and the next week was the worst hell I have ever experienced and I have been through some rough shit. After it was all confirmed we decided to do a big announcement on facebook about the miscarriage so I didn't have to tell everyone individually that may happen to message me. Although it has happened but not since Feb. 

now...now I would be like you. I take hearing about pregnancies a little easier and my best friend his down in Mexico visiting his daughter and she is only 3 and he has rarely ever seen her so he his spamming my messenger with pics and video. It's not always easy but I do what I can to be there for people and most ask if I am okay to talk about it. Usually I listen, celebrate and am excited in person but I cry at home. 

But I can honestly say that I will be cautiously optimistic and will likely worry the next time I am pregnant. Hubby wants to wait until our first ultrasound and sees/hears a heartbeat to tell anyone. For me I don't believe it jinxes anything and what will be will be. It just makes it harder to retell everyone the baby is gone. But at the same time I had a giant support network. My sister went through a miscarriage at 12 weeks. She was just about to tell us she was pregnant. No one knew until a year later. She suffered alone and because of this she is a bit hard and bitter. She had no support except from the guy who got her pregnant and they had a falling out not long after. 

So I am not totally sold on keeping a secret. My cousin lost one of her twins at 38 weeks. It can happen at any time and we worry and fret but if this loss taught me anything it is to enjoy every moment that I get. Every day that I get to be pregnant will be a blessing in its own way. 

but we all grieve and process in our own way. I, personally, think talking about it with those in your life is important. No one is going to know what you are going through if you don't tell them. You can't be mad at someone for talking about babies if they have no idea you have recently gone through a loss. I know your family knows but I have known a few women on here that lose it over their friends continually going on and on about it but they have no idea she went through yet another miscarriage. 

but that's just my two cents. lol


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - I too did a lot of those things. I bought so many baby clothes and had planned what we were going to buy for the nursery etc. It's strange because even though I did all those things I hesitated about doing them, I just kept telling myself I was being stupid and it would be fine. If I get pregnant again I don't know if I'll tell anyone before 12 weeks again. At the moment my reasons for not saying anything haven't changed - I don't want to see my family celebrate it and then the worst happens and they have to go through a little bit of what we have to. I can't bare to see my mum delighted, buying baby things only to break her heart again. Things may well be different if there's a next time, we may well want to tell everyone. Guess we'll know if we get there. 

As for all the baby talk, I don't blame them. I've said to them both that I want them to enjoy this and celebrate, it's just I'm not quite there yet but I will be. My plan was to avoid them for a few weeks but I obviously needed to be here last night. I don't expect them to not talk about it around me, but it doesn't stop hurting.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - good luck with your appointment tomorrow. I'll probably be sleeping whilst your there, but I'll be thinking of you today. X


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## mrs unicorn

I've just had the worst news - my SIL has miscarried :cry: I'm completely devastated for them. Completely heartbroken. She went for a scan just as I left this morning because she'd been spotting, but they didn't tell anyone. She was 10 weeks and the baby stopped growing several weeks ago. She's having an ERPC tomorrow. I can't believe this has happened to us both, twice in one family just a few months apart :cry:


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## BronteForever

mrs u - thanks for the well wishes. My appointment is later this afternoon, so I'm curious to hear what's up.

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this, but to answer your question I had a feeling right away with my pregnancy that something wasn't right and I think it was a copping mechanism that was trying not to let me get too attached. I expressed concerns with a number of people, but was just starting to accept the pregnancy when my tube ruptured because everyone kept trying to talk me out of my concerns. It can happen that way. Granted I had some pain and spotting, which was fueling some of my concerns, but even before that started, I just had a bad feeling. I'm sure it could be the opposite for some people.

Of our family, only my parents knew we were pregnant, primarily because my mom is an OB-GYN and she was the first person I went to when I thought something wasn't right. But in some ways it was harder to tell everyone after the fact that we lost the baby, because you also have to explain you were pregnant. Though I am glad not that many others knew.

Regardless, I think with this process, that no matter what happens you will look back and wish you did the opposite. It's just not a pleasant experience and I think naturally you want to change the past - all of it.

I'm glad your sister is optimistic, but sometimes that is very hard to endure from the opposite side. And I can't believe she said that to you about wanting to take your mom since it was hard for her after your MC. I'm sure your SIL is a very nice person, but it sounds like she might need a bit of sensitively training on the subject manner. I hope you can avoid her a bit more, but that was nice of you to try to help the situation between her and your mother.

les - I always love reading your posts, since they are beautifully written. Hugs to you as well. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time and really wish you weren't. I hate it that you are feeling sad or blaming yourself in anyway, especially because I know how awful those feelings are and how consuming they can become. Please don't hesitate to talk out your feelings at anytime. We are here for you!


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## BronteForever

OMG - I just read your latest post. That is horrible about your SIL, mrs u. Absolutely horrible.


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## RichieesMom

oh nooo :nope: mrs u, im so so so sorry about ur sil! my heart goes out to ur family babe...


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks girls. I think she's doing as OK as you can. This year better start flippin improving, it's got a lot of making up to do.

Really hope some of us get some good news soon, I think we all need it. X


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## RichieesMom

theres always a rainbow at the end of the storm :hugs: i know right now there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel but there is. it may be a really long tunnel but uv just got to push thru n ull get there.


woke up this morning to bad ov type pain on my left side. radiated into my groin, thigh, hip n even felt it once n awhile n my colon! i could have sworn i already o 5 days ago (confirmed by temp rise). but iv never had o pain in my groin area (except ligament pain during pregnancy) much less all the other areas. 

could i be ovulating a second time? or maybe its something else?


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## lesondemavie

I had to run into work early to cover my most aggressive case this morning (he only punched me twice today wohoo) so I don't have much time, but I am so so devastated for your SIL, your brother, and your entire family. There are no words for moments like this. You all seem so wonderful, so I know you'll get through this together, but it is just awful to even have to confront this. Thinking of you and your family today MrsU &#128156;&#128156;&#128156;


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks again girls. It totally sucks. I think she's coping with it better than I did at the moment (it's also not her first mc but that was a very long time ago) they were there for me when I needed them the most so I'll make sure I do the same.

Les - hope your day improves! You do a wonderful job. X

Richiees - I get random o and groin twinges sometimes in the TWW. I have no idea why. Hope it means something good for you though. When is af due?


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## RichieesMom

oh wow, good luck with the rest of ur day les!

af is due june 1st, but since i ovulated alil late this month, it will probably be a few days late as well. this wasn't twinges, it was pain! its kinda got me down for some reason. what if in fact i am ovulating NOW n didn't when i thought? but that doesn't explain the temp spikes. i can't wait for this month to be over! :wacko:

bronte, best of luck at ur appointment!


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## Aayla

mrs U: I am so sorry to hear about your SIL. It broke my heart. 

Richiees: not sure what the pain could be but if you had a definite temp spike then I would say it's not ovulation. a second ovulation can happen but it's usually within 24 hours not a few days. 

AFM: my doc's assistant emailed me. He wants to discuss next steps. I have an appt on June 1. She doesn't know which direction he is leaning towards but it sounds like I am done with letrozole. I'm okay with it. I jut don't know what direction i want to take. for 3 rounds of injectables with IUI we could IVF. Nothing is guaranteed but I feel IVF might be the best option chance wise. It guarantees embryos are going in me at least. But we are likely only able to afford one shot at that. and hubby doesn't want to commit to anything for fear I will disagree or realize what I want is the opposite. So he said that he will follow my lead. 

but what this also means is a break from TTC for awhile as I need to be on the mirena if not on fertility drugs because of the hyperplasia. We have to save up for this and I have to lose weight anyway. It will take us at least a year, probably more, to save for IVF.


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## BronteForever

Aayla - good luck at your next appointment. That sucks if you are going to have to take some time off from TTC. Really hope it doesn't come to that. How many cycles have you been trying with letrozole?

Richieesmom - you took serra this month as well? If so, how many days and when? I've heard of others getting pain from that but not sure if it's a radiating type pain or not. I think you need to assume if you did two different meds then normal it's going to change some stuff up. I wouldn't be too worried about anything yet. If your temps suggest ovulation earlier I'm sure you did then. If it's stressing you out though maybe you want to forgo for next month and see if it continues. Also, maybe all the BD just made you strain something in the groin area (I know that sounds funny but it happens). 

AFM - appointment went fine and to be honest I'm not even sure why we needed to meet, the nurse made it sound worse over the phone. It was mostly to make sure we were on the same page now that the Dr reviewed my films from the HSG test. He thought everything looked fine. There was a bit more fluid buildup where the blockage is in my tube then they like to see but nothing he's too worried about. It just means they have to monitor carefully which I had every confidence they would do anyway and if it's inflated at anytime they will do a freeze all of the embryos, do surgery to remove my remaining tube, and then do a frozen cycle. But that's only if it happens. There might be several other possibilities that could go wrong, that's just the most likely one that could happen for me. So really it was a roundabout way of being a positive. 

It was CD1 for me yesterday which means next cycle is go time and we are on IVF countdown now. Meds are ordered and I made the appointment to learn about giving myself injections or having DH do it. So we are set to go next month. If all goes well egg retrieval will be in July and we will wait to do genetic testing which increases odds by 30 percent, which is enough for me to wait a month to get results and spend a bit more. 

Eeekk.


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## Aayla

this was my 7th cycle of letrozole. We were only going to do 2 more and then move on to IUI, with the letrozole too as it is only $55 a cycle and IUI is only $400. 

I can't seem to find any info on the pricing of meds. Every clinic I have looked at all say variable. Which of course they are. name brand vs generic, pharmacy etc all play a part in the price. 

I am hoping they can give me a price list or the name of what they want me to take. I can always call a pharmacy and see. I feel so out of control right now. I want to know what it is we will be doing so I can make a plan. I am going to create a budget tonight and see where we can cut costs.


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## BronteForever

Yeah it does sound like it's time to move onto the next step. But goodness those seem like reasonable prices compared to a lot of places in the U.S. where it seems like they just charge extra because they can. Hopefully you can find some extra funds to try something else. Though I will say I waited a few months to try IVF just so I could focus on improving my health and myself and I think it's helped. It's a balance though. I can't afford to wait too long or get even healthier because then my age is coming into play too much and egg quality decreases sognificantly. I wish it wasn't on a time schedule at all. So you have to do what's best for you and what you can manage. Just don't wait too long (says the one that's pretty much in this mess to begin with since I waited too long after my ectopic to try again - I've learned my lesson about waiting, though I'm not mad I did since I wasn't ready, just wish I would have been ready earlier). Anyway, good luck and hope you get it figured out.


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## Aayla

It will take about a year to lose the weight I need to lose. I am 38 (just turned). So yeah..time is a factor for me too. So frustrating.


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## raine87

Second AF started today which means we can officially start trying again!


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## BronteForever

Yay Raine, welcome back to TTC.


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## raine87

Thanks! Idk how involved I want to be with ovulation tests and testing early and all that stuff. We might NTNP for a couple of months. I'm still having some depressed times that comes along with crying.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - so glad that it wasn't particularly bad news. It sounds like there's a plan A and B (and polrobably a C somewhere) if you need it. I definitely think it's worth waiting that extra month for the genetics testing, anything to improve your chances right?!

Aayla - I don't envy you having to make this decision. It's a very difficult one. My advice would be to gather all the information for both options. Ring round some clinics and pharmacies to get an idea of pricing etc, only then can you make the decision.

Raine - welcome back to TTC. Take it steady and do whatever you feel is right. For me (and others) it was and still is a very emotional time. Some days are tough but we are here to support you, we've all been there. X


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## lesondemavie

Raine - Welcome back! Follow your heart and all will be well xxx. Here for support always.

Bronte - Glad it was nothing serious, and you have a plan.

MrsU - Still thinking of you and your family.

AFM: I have my plan and am cautiously hopeful that this will work. We'll give our best for three months with Prometrium and then go back in if no success.


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## RichieesMom

bronte, I'm very happy it was nothing to worry about. can't freakin wait for july for u!

raine, :thumbup: for af! i know its hard, but try not to stress. ull get ur rainbow babe.

les, im not worried at all that u won't have ur happy ending. its just around the corner. I'm sure of it!

n that goes for all of us. around the corner may mean a month or next yr from now. but it will happen for us all. no doubt. 

afm, not very confident about this month. its just been too confusing for me to feel like i got it. I'm ready for next month tho. just ordered some specimen cups n syringes to "fertilize" myself on days when dh is just too tired to put in any work!


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## mrs unicorn

So I'm 10 DPO and bfn. I know I didn't actually see anything when I was pregnant at the this time before, but can't help but feel like I'm out. I don't feel too bad about it (already got my plan of attack sorted for next cycle) I guess my mind is occupied with my brother and SIL. I don't think she's going to open up. She text me yesterday saying 'it's just one of those things, it happens. I'm not going to dwell on it.' I don't believe anyone can brush a mc off just like that but maybe she won't show how much it hurts. I hope they don't struggle like most of us though. They are moving house next week so they are probably trying to focus on that.


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## Aayla

So I created a basic budget to see what our bills are and what is the most we could likely save per month. It is more than I thought and we could be quite close to having the full amount for ivf by the fall of 2017. It would be sooner but we are a bit behind and have to catch up and we have a wedding to go to in September. 

Hopefully ivf won't be the next step. Cause I am being drawn to the injectable and iui. If it is a reasonable price (which I will hopefully find out next week) we could be TTC by Jan. Maybe sooner if the weight falls off at a decent pace.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla that's great that you might be back TTC sooner than expected! 

I'm feeling pretty awful at the moment. Really nauseous today and yesterday. I've been doing so well not symptom spotting for about a week. I've noticed things then instantly dismissed them, but this nausea is awful. I'm thinking it's most likely due to the upset over the past few days - I'm trying so hard to not see it as a 'sign'. Hopefully it'll go tomorrow, it's making me pretty grumpy!


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## Aayla

Started spotting today. I'm happy and not happy. Happy because I don't have to take provera to induce her. not happy because she is early. I emailed my doctor's assistant to ask him if I can do another round of letrozole to make sure I am resistant and it wasn't my cold that made me not ovulate. I was going to ask him at my appt as that was when af was due but by then it will be too late, even if I pushed it to cd 5 (which is the day before). Unfortunately I got an instant reply she is out of the office tomorrow (of course) so now I have to wait until first thing tomorrow to call and see if one of the other nurses will ask him for me. If no one can get a hold of him I may just do it on my own. I have 2 refills waiting for me a the pharmacy. All it will mean is that the doctor will have to wait until the next cycle to put the Mirena in if the letrozole doesn't work. If it does work then I don't have to consider next steps.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla sorry af has arrived, but to look on the bright side at least she arrived in her own.

Bfn again for me so that's me out, I don't know if I'll test again. I've only got one IC & 3 FRERs left, maybe I'll do the IC over the weekend. Idk. Oh well, onto cycle 3 we go...... It's a bank holiday on Monday so at least we got a 3 day weekend to be happy about.


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## lesondemavie

Aw Aayla. So sorry AF is here. She's the worst! I was big sobbing mess yesterday, and then today a friend of mine shared that pregnancy loss blurb on Facebook and told everyone that her almost 2 yo is her rainbow baby &#127752;:baby:. I guess there was a reason why they were the one couple who didn't ask us about babies at my nephew's bday party. You never know...

_A baby born after a miscarriage or loss of a baby is referred to as a Rainbow baby. Today we remember all babies born sleeping, or we've carried but never met, those we've held but couldn't take home, the ones that came home but didn't stay. Make this your profile status if you or someone you know has suffered the loss of a baby. The majority won't do it, because miscarriage, still birth and SIDS is still a taboo subject. Break the silence. In memory of all angels too perfect for earth &#10084;&#128519; and all the babies that are born sleeping or don't make it home. Hold your finger down and copy and paste, do not share. -- I love all you strong ladies & families out there. You're stronger, more supported, and more loved than you know._


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## lesondemavie

MrsU - Hope you have a lovely 3-day weekend :hugs:. We will be packing up everything that's left this weekend and eating out all next week before our big move - Ick!


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## Aayla

I'm actually happy she is here. Since I didn't ovulate I thought that I would have to induce a period. The only time I don't ovulate is when I'm not on letrozole. But since this time I was on it I suspect it did half its job. The egg didn't come but because my body was geared for it I got a period anyway. She's 3 days earlier than expected but I am okay with that. she came on her own. 

Now I just wait to hear if I can do another round. I may just do it anyway. He can't actually stop me and there is no medical reason to stop me. I suspect I didn't O because of my horrible cold. I would like one more cycle that is healthy to confirm if I am resistant to it. Then, if I don't O this cycle we can move on to another step. I should hear back on Monday.


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## BronteForever

Aayla - you respond and ovulated previous months, correct? If so it's definetly worth another shot. Good luck. 

Les - I saw that on Facebook as well, though from a friend that lost her child to SIDS at 3 months. It's great you might have an extra bond with a friend you didn't know about. I know many of my friends might have experienced and I don't know since it is kind of a taboo topic. I've opened up more recently since I'm doing IVF and am glad I did. Most don't know exactly when we are doing stuff though which is good so they won't ask. Though I think most of them will know to wait until I say stuff before bringing it up. 

Anyway best wishes on the move. Such an exciting time. And I'd love to see photos of the new house when you get it all set up. I love room photos of new-to-you houses!

mrs u - enjoy the weekend. Sorry it's another BFN. Hugs. 

I'm off for work for two weeks which I'm super excited about. We don't leave for our trip until Tuesday but have Monday off for the holiday. I'm excited for the break. But getting ready to leave work was a challenge and I just remembered one thing I forgot to do. So debating if I should skip it or try to do something from home.


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## RichieesMom

Les, thats really sweet :)

Mrs u, I'm sorry about the bfn babe.

Bronte how excited r u to get away! 

Afm, I'm too nervous to bother testing. I'm 9dpo. Iv been having tons of twinges, tightness n mild cramping. Trying to ignore it all. Don't want to set myself up.


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## Aayla

I did respond to them. The only one I didn't was my first cycle ever and that was because the dosage was too low. I got a bfp on my 3rd cycle and I have ovulated on every cycle after that. 

It's weird that I wouldn't ovulate this last cycle. I had loads of ewcm, twinges and cramps and my temp was creeping up but then I got sick and I think that kept me from ovulating. I think my body tried again but because of my pcos it just couldn't. By then the medication is no longer in the body. 

but I got my period. She was 3 days early but she came on her own. Normally when I don't ovulate I have to induce it but because I was on the letrozole she came. I am like clockwork when on letrozole. So I really think it did its job but the cold got in the way. 

so I don't see a reason why I can't try again.


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## BronteForever

Aayla - I'm confused why they jumped the gun and thought you were resistant to it now then. Does that normally happen after a period of time and they think you reached it? I think I was confused when you mentioned before. I think it's time to start thinking about more options in the future but seems like if you can afford the meds each cycle it's worth it to keep trying while on it and then discuss further options. Especially since you had your period mostly naturally this time. Hopefully your doctor lets you try it. 

Richieesmom - yes I'm super excited. I love traveling. I'm going to miss my dog though. I also miss his daily hugs while we travel. 

Good luck it's still a bit early but hope this was a successful cycle for you!


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## Aayla

I'm surprised too. But it just seems like docs don't want to listen. it has taken me almost a year to convince someone at the clinic that I don't ovulate on cd 14. :nope: 

On my second cycle my temps didn't confirm O but I had a huge dip on cd 17 and a huge rise on cd 18. But I sucked at temping and so it was likely me. I had to do my progesterone test on cd 21 as the doc wanted. it was only 12. It showed ovulation but it was low. probably because I ovulated later. So I asked the doc when they called with the results if I should change it to 7 dpo as I think I ovulated on cd 17 not 14. they said no, keep it at cd 21. Well I said screw that and temped hard core the next cycle. Sure enough I got a positive opk on cd 16 and ovulated cd 17. that was my bfp cycle. did my progesterone test on cd 24

after that I never talked to them about what cd I did my progesterone test on until this past cycle. I had to meticulously go over my past cycles with this nurse as they assumed that I took the progesterone test too late and that's why it was low. I had to convince her that I now ovulate (based on temps and positive opks) on cd 19. cd 21 would show nothing if I kept it at that. 

It is so frustrating. But I don't want to go anywhere else as this new doc is the one that put me on letrozole right away last year as my doc was on maternity leave at the time. He seems to be pretty good and I requested to have him again when my doctor quit. 

I had emailed his nurse on thursday so she will get the email first thing on monday I think so I am hoping I will hear something by the time I wake up. Now to get through this day. lol


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## Aayla

Well my doc's nurse emailed me back...to change my appt time. She didn't answer my question at all. So I emailed her again this afternoon but have heard nothing. It's now 5:35pm and the clinic is closed now. I'm quite irritated that she didn't seem to bother reading my email. 

I am on cd 3 and I picked up my letrozole. I can wait until Wednesday to get the go ahead as that is cd 5 (although I have never taken it days 5-9) but I'm not even seeing the doc now, it's just a phone call appt..which means that he isn't going to instantly put in the IUD so I am taking that as a good sign. 

But I am leery of messing with the schedule I have been on since I started this. But a different nurse said there is no difference.


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## lesondemavie

Ah Aayla, hope everything works out for you this cycle <3. As for me CD10 and I feel like I might O a bit earlier this time around. We'll see what the opks do tomorrow. I'm not feeling super hopeful even though I have the progesterone now. I think more just nervous about starting something new and how I'm going to react to it. I'm super stressed out this week what with the move, and DH's grandfather's funeral, and summer schedules for my clients. Definitely not an ideal O week, but we'll get 'er done :haha:. I also have this lovely thought about a life starting this month so soon after DH's grandfather's death. Time will tell...


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## Aayla

I decided to just go ahead with the letrozole as is. the doc can suck it :rofl: If I am resistant to it this cycle will tell me that. and then we can move on to whatever next steps the doc has. I will find that out tomorrow. 

So i am cd 4 now. I will be using opk's starting cd 10 or 11. I don't ovulate until cd 19 so I'm not sure about starting so early. it will give me something to do during the wait.


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## mrs unicorn

Hey girls - cd1 today for me. I don't really feel anything towards it, which is nice. Bit sick of emotions!! I've decided to not chart this cycle. I feel I get a bit anxious waiting for the 'right' information to appear, even though I do like seeing it. Guess it's a love/hate relationship! My o day doesn't change much so I should be ok. So no temping or opks. We'll just bd every other day and spread it out a little. 

Aayla - glad you've gone with what you feel is best. I don't think anyone knows for sure, even the docs, so good luck this cycle!

Les - sorry you've got so much on at the moment. On the plus side at least you won't have too much time to stress over your cycle. I understand your nerves after having super regular cycles. The progesterone will change your cycle but hopefully just your lp. Is it common to change your o day too?

Bronte - are you in Europe yet?! If so have a wonderful time! X

Richiees - hope you're ok. Xx


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## lesondemavie

Oh no it should just change my LP (and by proxy lengthen my cycle). No more extra chances each year for me, but that's not such a bad thing if there's no chance of implantation those cycles anyway right? AF is supposed to come right after I stop, but I've seen a few girls who are still going after stopping nearly a week ago and all BFNs. Really hope that doesn't happen to me &#128513;. Another girl who is going through the same thing went and Clomid and boom BFP! Not sure why her doc went one way and mine went another. I guess we'll see, but I'm not expecting it to be a magic bullet &#128542;.

Sorry AF is here, and hope you have a nice, relaxed cycle without charting &#128156;&#128156;&#128156;


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## RichieesMom

Aayla I hope this cycle goes better than last!

Les, I'm sorry about ur family's lost. They do say once someone goes, someone comes! Best wishes with the move! 

Mrs u, yayy for a stress free cycle!

Afm, af was due today but since I Oed late af should be alil late too. All cramping n twinges r gone n feeling very normal so I'm fully expecting her.


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## Aayla

So freaking happy!!!!

Doc call went awesome. He is happy I made the choice to use the letrozole this cycle. He said it made sense to miss O from being sick and it is possible I did O but missed the progesterone peak. So we are ignoring that cycle and continuing on. 

If I ovulate then we will continue on until we get pregnant or are ready for IVF. While the injectable is an option it is $2500 and he said it makes more sense to pay the extra for IVF as it freezes embryos for more children and it has a better success rate. 

So no Mirena, and I continue on as is but we will continue to save money just in case and I have to get my bmi down to 38 as that is the limit. Which is about 100 lbs. 

So I started the 21 day fix again today. I needed to anyway outside of all of this. 

Feeling really good and happy


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## lesondemavie

So happy for you Aayla. Sending good luck on all fronts your way!

Richiees - Still kmfx for you!


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## lesondemavie

Oh and starlight - I hope you're still out there and doing well <3


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## raine87

So I decided this month DH and I are going to dtd as much as possible and skip testing. I've been trying to lose weight (I'm down 17lbs) and want to continue to lose some more. I feel like it would be wasted time if we put ttc on hold while I lose to my goal.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - great news! So pleased you've got a plan sorted out.

Richiees- kmfx for you!

Raine - sounds perfect! Anyway dtd is good exercise too!


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## Starlight288

I can't keep up haha!
I'm doing well.. 2nd cycle is so far back to normal but we sat this one out with the exception of last night. I'm so ready to get on with it !

Sounds like some good things are happening here. I can get better following this once school ends next week!


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## Starlight288

Where is everyone? Haha 

I'm currently 4dpo.. We ended up BDing on what turned out to be O day by pure accident. I thought I had O'd the day before. Oops! But what's meant to be will be.


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## Aayla

I'm cd 9 today. Nothing much going on. Just starting the opk's but I don't ovulate for about 10 days so it's just something to do right now. lol I hate having long cycles. the wait between each things is so long. At least in the tww you can symptom spot and test. lol


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## lesondemavie

Star so good to hear from you! Sorry for my absence. We are exhausted from moving all yesterday. Most of it is done and now I'm stuck in a car for 5 hours on the way up to DH's hometown for his gpa's funeral tomorrow. Glad things are back to normal and hey with a chance after all!

Aayla the waiting is the hardest part.

I'm 3 DPO and I started Prometrium last nice. So far so good. No side effects yet. Will keep you all posted :)


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## Starlight288

Ayala the waiting is the worst! I start doing OPK's way early too for something to do.

Les- so sorry for your family's loss. But yay for moving day. You'll have plenty to keep you busy now!


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## RichieesMom

Les, yayy for 3dpo!

I'm still waiting on af! How did I get so behind lol? 

Fx for everyone waiting on O day!


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## mrs unicorn

Looks like we've all been busy!

Les - glad the move went well and yay for starting the meds!

Aayla - yep, I'm waiting too. I guess I'm lucky and o a touch early so we'll start bding soon!

Richiees - is af late now?

Star - good luck. I always feel better when I know there's a good chance it could happen. I hate the thought of missing out on a cycle.

Raine - hope you're well

AFM - cd6 - I actually just had to check my FF app to see what day I was! Guess me tying to chill out a bit is working! I'm trying to focus on exercising and eating better, which is going well so far.

Also, wonder if anyone has any advice. My mum and I are going to book an aromatherapy body massage when she's over in a couple of weeks. I'll be 9 DPO and have been googling if it's ok to have in the TWW. All I'm getting is not in the first trimester. I'm trying so hard to not behave like I'm TTC, for my own sanity and anxiety, but I'm not sure what to do? Should I go ahead or maybe change to a different treatment?


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## RichieesMom

Well my lp is usually 14 days, n I'm 17dpo today so I'd say so. But I'm still gonna give it a couple more days before testing. I'm too nervous.

Just to be on the safe side, I'd go with something different. Maybe a hot stone massage?


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## Aayla

Go for the massage. At 9dpo you would have just implanted. Nothing is going hurt the baby cause at this point there isn't even a heartbeat. It is still in the cell division stage. You can drink alcohol if you want to. I think it will be good to do it to help rlaz you during the tww


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## beemeck

hi strangers! 

life has been so crazy with two weeks in Europe then non stop traveling since we've returned. Have one more trip left this coming weekend then finally some relaxation - or at least working on the garden but staying home :dohh:

anyway I am thinking about you all and waiting for that first bfp and rainbow baby! 

I had my second failed IUI while in Europe and am now 4dpo (cycle twins with les). Had a natural IUI (no meds this month) but it was timed wrong again. I got a pos opk day 13, IUI day 14, but didn't O til day 15. oh well. just really waiting on IVF at this point. next month will be last effort with upping the meds. 

hope everyone is hanging in there :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

Thing is I can't find what it is that you need to avoid, what is it that's potentially harmful? Is it the oils or the actual massage? I'm not sure what I'll do :dohh: I'm still drinking during the TWW though. 

Aayla - that's the stage I worry about the most as my MMC was technically a blighted ovum, it's just they don't call it that in the uk.


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## Aayla

You aren't supposed to get massages in your first trimester I think but at 9 dpo you are barely pregnant and it likely won't even show on a test. So I really wouldn't be worried.


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## beemeck

oh wow mrs u I didn't know it was actually a blighted ovum! I wonder why they called it a MMC? that would def cause a lot of worry in those early stages for sure! :hugs:

I think it's actually the massage itself? I just had one the day before I ovulated and was a little weary of even that. But my neck was killing me from how I slept so I did it. I think at 9dpo you would be fine too, but if you're feeling apprehensive maybe just skip it. I know I would beat myself up about anything given the chance, so it might not be worth it :hugs:


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## Aayla

Hey Bee! Sounds like fun with all that travelling. At least with this cycle it was timed early. Doing the iui before you ovulate is a good thing. It means the guys were there waiting for the egg and they didn't miss it so you definitely have a good shot. When will you be testing?


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## beemeck

thanks aayla - I'm just discounting the iui though because they say the sperm only live for 6 hours in the uterus without the fertile cm to keep them alive, so I think it's kind of null and void. but we did still BD the days leading up to O so it is what it is. :shrug:

I don't test since there really is no point. I just wait for my clockwork AF and she hasn't disappointed (ha-ha) yet. :dohh: if she doesn't come by 15dpo then I will test :shrug:

really hoping the femara works for you this cycle!!!!!! FX!


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## mrs unicorn

Bee - aayla's right, the timing is good. Isn't the day before ov supposed to be the best? Yeah, not sure why they don't separate the 'empty sac' mc from an actual MMC. They put it down as MMC 8+2 because that's the stage the sac was at at 10/11weeks. It does make me really anxious around that time though. Something wasn't right very early on so.... *sigh* I'll just have to think about it.


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## Aayla

Weird they say 6 hours other wise what is the point of doing it days before hand? From what I googled they can hang out for up to 5 days in the tubes waiting for an egg to drop. 

So I still say you have a shot. But I get not testing if you have a clock work cycle. So do I but I still test. I am an addict for sure. :haha:


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## mrs unicorn

I've decided I'm going to have the massage, I probably won't be pregnant anyway and I'll be really annoyed with myself for not enjoying it.

Richiees - any update? Are you not tempted to test yet?!

Bee - sorry, I think we were typing at the same time. Rubbish you're feeling down and out but we'll keep hopes up for you.

Les - same goes for you Hun! Hope you've managed to get a good nights sleep after yesterday. Sending :hugs:


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## RichieesMom

No testing yet! 18dpo. I feel totally normal so I'm just thinking its a wacky cycle bcuz of the soy.

Hi bee!


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## Aayla

not everyone gets symptoms. Being that you are late I would test. How long are you willing to go without knowing?


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## RichieesMom

If I can get thru the end of this week without AF showing, then I might suspect something n test. I really just feel its a crazy cycle. I have had a slight pain in my uterus for about 2 weeks tho. It feels like a cyst. Iv had one on my ovary before n it feels like that but not as bad as the ovary cyst. Other than that nothing. Normal boobs, normal bathroom breaks, no more cramping, no bloating.


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## lesondemavie

Sorry I've been a bit absent. The weekend with the move and then the funeral was a ton for me to handle, and seeing my SIL was worse than I thought it would be. I really just hate her right now and it is only slightly her fault. I try my best to be kind and welcoming to all, so then I kind of hate myself for hating her. Gotta just relax, focus on my new home, and break the cycle. Thinking of you all and sending you love <3


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## Aayla

I wish I had your patience Richiees. :D 

Les: it's okay to take a break from here. It can be hard, especially when dealing with stressful and emotional stuff in real life. 

AFM: cd 12. inching closer to O day. about a week to go. It's dragging. lol


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## Dsmith662646

Hi,

So I'm completely new to the whole online forum thing but feel like joining one of these just might make me a little less neurotic about my TWW. I apologize if I'm posting the wrong thing on the wrong board...just trying to talk to people who have had a similar experience as me. I had a miscarriage at 5W5D on May 16th and started trying again right away as my HCG was below 5 the same week. AF is not due until 6/12 but (being the neurotic,"I want to be pregnant again so badly" person that i have become)...I have already started testing. I have had symptoms such as fatigue, nausea, lower back pain, a dull aching/cramping feeling in my entire pelvic region and a twinging feeling on the right side of my pelvis (that lasted about 3 days and has mostly stopped). I did a First Response Digital yesterday with FMU and that came out YES+ , I then did a regular FRER this morning (FMU) and there was no line, I then did another digital (3rdMU) and it came out NO-. Has anyone else had this happen and go on to have a healthy pregnancy? I can't stop thinking about it, I can't focus at work, I am breaking down and crying at the smallest thing :/ Any help or just someone to talk to would be greatly appreciated.


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## Aayla

Welcome Dsmith!! 

I can't say this has happened to me but I am curious as a digi aren't that sensitive and even if, God forbid, it was a chemical the FRER should have had a line the next day. 

You may want to retest with a blood test to see where you are at. Tests can be finicky and you could have had a bad test (either the positive or the negatives). Good Luck. And vent if you need to. This forum is pretty good all around and you will find some very helpful and supportive ladies here.


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## Dsmith662646

Thanks Aayla! I wasn't sure if the women's center would even see me as I am not late yet but I was SO happy yesterday when I saw that YES+ and I truly do "feel" pregnant. We we were both so destroyed by the MC and I have been going back and forth between telling my husband or just waiting until I'm late (or not)...I don't want him to be crushed if it turns out the test was wrong or if, God forbid, it is a chemical pregnancy. I have never felt so impatient, emotional and helpless all at the same time!


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## Aayla

It is a very stressful thing to not know anything. 

When I had my mc I started spotting at 5+5. the next day I decided to go the hospital. They took blood, did a urine test and an ultrasound. of course the blood test and urine came back positive but the only thing I was told with the ultrasound was they saw no signs of a pregnancy. But the radiologist had an emergency and couldn't go over my results specifically. I was told that by the technician as that was the most she could tell me. And then I waited. My fertility clinic refused to give me a requisition for more bloods to see if my levels were dropping. they wanted to wait to get the ultrasound results. and I waited. Finally by the friday (hospital was sunday) I went to my regular gp. He walked in and said "so you had a miscarriage." and I'm like "Did I? How the hell would I know, no one is telling me anything." He gave me a requisition anyway and it was confirmed as my levels went from 365 on sunday to 32 on the friday. That whole week was devastating and so hard. Worst week of my life and I have been through some horrible shit. But nothing compares to it. 

So I would insist. Screw protocol. This is your body and your mind. You need to know. I would go to every clinic if I had to in order to find out for sure.


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## lesondemavie

I agree be your own advocate. Doctors go off of stats and you get screwed if you fall on the bad side of things.

So I'm loving this slow rise I'm getting on progesterone. Such a different chart than any of my previous cycle. Fx that's a sign that the suppository is doing its job!

Richiees - Any more news on your end?

Aayla - Looks like you're professing nicely.

MrsU - Hop you're enjoying your relaxed cycle.

Bee - :hugs: thinking of you always

Star - How are you doing?

Raine - Anything new on your end?


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## mrs unicorn

Dsmith - hope you have managed to get to see someone. I'm with the girls here, be as pushy as you have to be to get what you need.

Les - fab looking chart. Keeping everything so tightly crossed for you my dear! How are you feeling about a full TWW? How does it work, do you take the meds for 14 days and then af should (or not) turn up pretty quickly once you stop? And are you going to test before that time or stick it out?

Aayla - hope you're managing to find plenty of distractions whilst you're waiting o. Not too long now though is it?

Richiees - I cannot believe you haven't tested yet!! Well done though! You are a stronger woman than me. Hope you're ok.

AFM - loving my relaxed cycle. Not even bothered by no temping. I might do an opk or two though. This cycle/month DH and I have been feeling almost normal again. I don't want to say happy, but not far off. There are times where we are happy though and it's so good to feel that again. I've started exercising and have shaken up my diet and I just feel amazing at the moment. So I'm pretty relaxed. I actually feel like 'it can happen if it wants to, if not, well, whatever' and I have never felt like that about anything in my life!!! Just hoping this continues and I don't get my epic meltdown post ov :rofl:


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## Aayla

I am ending cd 13 as I write this. Ovulation will happen between cd 17 and 19. Likely 19 as that is what it has been the last few cycles.


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## BronteForever

Hey ladies. I missed you all and was really hoping there would be some positive announcements while I was away.

I'm officially back from my trip and we had such a blast. I ate horribly though and my miles of walking each day didn't help much. So must buckle down and get serious in the next few weeks before IVF starts. 

I also caved and bought a cute kids outfit while on vacation to give me good luck. I never buy anything like that but I have a good feeling about IVF. But that also means I'm going to be devastated if it doesn't happen after multiple cycles. I'm realistic enough that it might not happen the first try which is why we paid upfront for multiple cycles but I'm still hopeful it will happen. Can't believe I'm finally starting soon. 

Anyway missed you ladies. 

Looks like most of you are in the TWW. 

Les - I'm so hopeful the progesterone works for you. 

mrs u - yay for mostly coming to peace with everything and getting a more relaxed outlook this cycle. You sound happy and healthy and that's so wonderful. I wish nothing but success and happiness for you!

Aayla - hopefully the meds do the trick and work this time. 

Richieesmom - man I have no idea how you aren't testing. But go girl. Do what you have to. Fingers crossed for you. 

Bee - Madrid was fabulous and I loved it there. Though I think I enjoyed the smaller Aviles more. Had so much fun though. We tried Vega and loved it and almost went to one of the others which was two steps from our hotel but didn't want to pay that much money for dinner at the end of our trip. Boy did we eat a ton though and had far too many cocktails!

Raine - good luck!

Dsmith - welcome and good luck to you.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte!!! We missed you too. So glad you had a fab trip and indulged - that's what they're for, and now the excitement continues with starting IVF!!! Yey! Hey, don't worry about buying the baby outfit, I bought loads of clothes....I shouldn't have I suppose, but I'd been desperate to do that for years so I enjoyed every second of it. I hope it brings you all the luck in the world, you certainly deserve it! So excited for you! When do things officially start?


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## beemeck

welcome back bronte!!! eek so glad you had a great time :happydance::happydance: and Vega - yes!! we just loved it there - yum yum yum. what did you get? I got the BBQ seitan - yum! and if you are talking about the restaurant that I recommended to you that I said was pricey, then you had a great hotel location! so, so excited for you to start IVF. I have such high hopes! 

richies - any news??

les - I'll try not to get your hopes up but I just really have a feeling that this is going to be your easy fix. in fact, that awful pregnant SIL that I wrote about in my journal - my friend confronted her saturday night about her comments to me and she said that she struggled for a few months to get pregnant too until they realized she had low progesterone and then she got pregnant the first cycle....chart looks amazing and I just have this feeling girl....

mrsu - so glad you are enjoying feeling relaxed! although I'm still temping and charting, my obsessiveness is just gone. prob bc it's not sustainable for a year even if I had tried. I feel very laid back about it, albeit sad. but I just feel like it's totally and utterly out of my control, so I'm just sitting back trying to enjoy the ride :shrug: :hugs:

welcome dsmith! good luck to you!

my chart has be intrigued and I'm annoyed bc I know it'll turn out to be another BFN. but I've never had a dip like this before. :shrug: leaving for our last trip this weekend and packing the thermometer. need to see what it does the next few days....


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## mrs unicorn

bee - that's exactly how I feel. Nothing I do or feel will change the outcome (apart from the obvious!) so I need to try and live happily during this time. I've always felt like this but it's so so hard to actually BE like that. I am, for now, anyway! Who knows how long it'll last. My plan is if it hasn't happened by Sept/Oct I'll be heading to the docs - although I'll be prepared for them to turn me away and say keep trying til the new year as I was pregnant in December.

Try try try not to let your temps stress you out hun. You know what it's like. You see something different and think 'oh, could it be..' It may well be this cycle for you - and I really really hope it is, love, there's no reason timingwise why it shouldn't happen (my bfp we bd day before and after ov) - but temps can be misleading too. I know you hate testing and don't like doing it, but if your temps are making you really anxious maybe think about doing one in a few days then you can either celebrate or forget about those temps?


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## beemeck

that's a good idea mrsu - I have thought of that too. and I might. I'm going to see what temps look like on 10dpo - 3 days after possible implantation dip. I'll decide then.

as for the docs - mine tried to do that to me too. having me wait until I started back up trying again. but I was feeling empowered after reading "taking charge of your fertility" where the author states that if after a year you have not had a sustainable pregnancy, you should seek some help (if you want). so I pushed and they reluctantly gave me the referral to the RE. I can't say how glad I am that I did that. I've been with the RE for 3 months now and still not pregnant so I just keep imagine adding however many months it ends up being to my total time waiting. an extra 3 months (possibly more) waiting for my baby would feel like eternity! And I think les is a great example of this - there are so many quick tests that can done with "easy" solutions so I don't understand why docs are kicking and screaming to avoid running a hormone panel on someone who desperately wants children. it's awful. so you got this girl - if no baby by Sept then you put your fist down. we want our babies - damn it! :growlmad:


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## mrs unicorn

You know, seeing what you and many others have been through has made me determined to put my foot down and push for tests etc to be done, if I get to September. It's not like I don't know when I ov, all the timing is right, we're not just 'giving it a shot'! I don't believe if you are timing things right it should take a year, but what do I know....


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## beemeck

actually funny you say that because that same book said that if you are charting and timing BD perfectly for 4 cycles without a BFP, to seek answers. she talks about the biggest reason for people taking so long to get pregnant is not knowing when they O and timing things wrong. that really motivated me too and when you think of it, it made sense to me. granted they STILL haven't found any answers for me, but at least I have people trying to help me! although I get so annoyed with my doc, it's still so much better than going through this alone (medically).


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## BronteForever

Bee - yes our hotel was right next to the La Huerta de Tudela which was the expensive place. I couldn't believe it when we searched for directions and it was so close. It looked yummy but we decided to save some money that night. We went up the street and some amazing vegetable tart. It had Brie on it though. I don't know how you can manage without cheese. I could give up all the rest. At Vega we just got the meal of the day and split our entrees which was some avocado salad and a rice and pepper dish. Both were great. 

Our hotel was a great location. We lucked out and just picked one that looked central and it was. It was an Ibis which we have stayed at several times. No frills but they are always clean rooms and we are never there much anyway. It was so easy to walk everywhere which we did a ton of, mostly just looking at buildings and the tons of plazas. We went to the Prado after it was free so got a quick tour but after studying abroad in Paris and visiting what felt like 10 art museums back to back I'm not a huge art person. My husband had never seen a lot of earlier European art though so we went. Great way to see it for free! We had a blast and his race was such a cool experience. They new how to throw a celebration filled with tradition. Lots of fun. 

Anyway so sorry your cycle is throwing you some curves. I hope it's a good sign. But I know you don't want to get your hopes up and like to remain realistic. Especially given the timing of everything. Really hope you can get into the other RE sooner. I was surprised when they had a cancellation at mine. So hopefully there's an opening. Or this cycle ends up being good news. 

Mrs U - the outfits are so hard to resist. They had cute Spanish baby clothes everywhere and I just couldn't stop myself. Hope the clothes bring both of us luck. I start on CD3 of my next cycle. Should be in about two weeks, give or take.


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## BronteForever

Ladies - I'm a firm believer in being strong and seeking answers that will help you as well. There are super easy tests to run so I have no clue why they wait sometimes. I'm sure it's insurance which irritates me even more. And I do know stressing about pregnancy can make it worse. I'm assuming the doctors want you to cool it before jumping to conclusions. But for most people not knowing if something is wrong causes more stress. 

Anyway I know personally I waited because I knew something was wrong and I wasn't mentally ready to move forward yet. It's taken me a hell of a lot to get over my fears of thinking maybe I'm not supposed to be a mother and I wasn't ready to face it. But now that I have I'm so glad I did and have no idea why it took me so long. You definetly have to be your own advocate. The doctors will usually do what you want if you are certain that's what you want.


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## beemeck

so exciting bronte!!! it'll all be here before you know it. 

so glad that your time in Madrid was so much fun. with that location, you can't go wrong! I hope the weather held up for you. 

you know, that's one thing I've never done - purchased baby clothes. Aside from the ones that I bought when I was pregnant. I just don't think I could let myself do it - it's some sort of defense mode. however, we have bought the car seat but that's because it's the 4Moms self installing car seat that comes out this year and we wanted to get on the wait list for it. we won't have it until the fall and I HOPE to be pregnant by then.....


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## BronteForever

OMG - a self installing car seat. I must google. We are probably going to be horrible at wanting cool baby gadgets. I normally resist as well and never bought anything when pregnant. But I have such a good feeling now. I really hope I'm not setting myself up for more disappointment. I'll cross that bridge if it comes but really hopes it stays far away from all of us!

Oh and weather was hot but awesome. The only day it rained was our train day from Aviles to Madrid and it stopped by the time we arrived.


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## mrs unicorn

I guess it's slightly different in the UK Bronte - but similar! It would cost the NHS to do the tests and because of that they have guidelines, but they are just guidelines! Surely, if it hasn't happened by Sept, the fact I was pregnant previously on the 3rd attempt, then miscarried, should work in my favour? Anyway, guess we'll see.

Yeah, I haven't bought anymore baby stuff since the mc. I don't think I'll be able to if/when I'm pregnant again for a good while. It's probably a good thing, I can get carried away!


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## BronteForever

Mrs u - you are right I'm sure it's quite different there. Though your NHS system sounds like it at least provides infertility help if needed though which is awesome. I'm really hoping you don't need it though!


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## mrs unicorn

It is great, well all my dealings have been good so far. But if we end up with problems and need IUI or IVF we'll probably end up having to pay for it ourselves, or wait at least two years before they would even consider referring us. At least that's what the website says. fx we don't get to that point. I don't want to wait that long and I know DH will hate spending around 5k for each IVF cycle!


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## BronteForever

Really hope you don't need it. But yes many of the ladies on the IVF boards from the UK did say the waiting list is long. So some are private funded. But really don't think you are there yet and hoping for a positive soon. 

Bee - Just read your journal and really hope you are pregnant. These all sound so promising but I'm trying to remain realistic with you. However I want you to get pregnant before me so selfishly you can share all your wisdom. Because holy cow I want that car seat now and you always have so many knowledgable tidbits to share. Fingers crossed big for you!


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## beemeck

lol bronte! I teach pre-natal and post natal education so it's literally my job to tell pregnant women and new moms all the tips!! It's been so annoying to be THAT surrounded by all of this during this infertility, but I know it'll pay off one day .

and here I am waiting for YOU to lead the way with IVF and tell me all of the things to do and not do. either way, one of us will be the trailblazer for the next! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## BronteForever

I'm really hoping you don't need the knowledge Bee but I have you covered if you do. I've never learned so much about the reproductive process since TTC and there have been so many amazing women on here, Facebook, and friends of friends that have shared so much IVF knowledge with me. I feel so prepared now when I had no clue what anyone was talking about just two months ago. There is still stuff that will come up but I feel so much more prepared to tackle it. IVF has it's own language I think. 

And I love that it's your job and you can help us. Though I'm sure it's the last thing you want to do when you get home from work. Hoping you'll want to continue sharing when we are pregnant together though


----------



## lesondemavie

Welcome back Bronte! So good to hear from you and glad you had a great trip <3<3<3. Cheers to getting on the IVF train! :)

MrsU - That sounds just so perfect. I'm so happy to hear that you and your DH are getting back to a good place <3


----------



## raine87

So I caved and took an ovulation test tonight and I'm finally ovulating this month (cd 18 which I guess isn't too bad). Of course this couldn't have happened 3 days ago when DH and I had a couple of days off together. Oh no I have to ovulate when I'm working 4 out of 5 nights! Seriously!?!?!?


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## RichieesMom

Bronte, nice to have u back! So glad ur trip went well n safe!! Now bring on the ivf!

Les n bee, everything crossed for u ladies! I'll keep y'all in my prayers.

Mrs u, its very refreshing to hear that ur feeling relaxed n happy this cycle. :) 

Well, STILL no AF. Had bad cramping all day n night a couple days ago, totally expected AF to show but she never came. Yesterday my left ankle was swollen out of nowhere! I wasn't even the one to notice, my aunt did. But I still REFUSE to think anything other than a wacky cycle. I just can't bring myself to test. I like the not knowing way more than the knowing. If its a bfn then I'm just waiting on AF. The not knowing what I'm waiting on feels better. Sounds crazy I know..


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## Starlight288

Richiees mom, you have some strong will power!!! How's you get an answer soon.


I'm just here hanging out. My temps are up and down between 97.9-98.2. I've had some symptoms but I think it's just AF. I'm totally okay with that because this month was just and oops. Next month is when I'm officially suppose to start trying.


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## lesondemavie

Raine - that's great news :yipee:

Star - My temps are around 98.2. When is AF due?

Also so good to hear from you both :hugs:


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## Aayla

Raine: Awesome that you ovulated! I ovulate late as well. cd 19 usually. So I would guess now that you are in the TWW. Are you going to test early or wait for af? 

speaking of testing...Richiees...what's going on? any af yet? Last I heard you were going to test this weekend. Have you or did you change your mind? 

Leson: your temps are looking good. are you going to test or wait for af? 


AFM: end of cd 16 here. opk's still negative. Ovulation should happen any day now. I'm testing opk's 3x a day so I am hoping I dont' miss the surge but we will be doing it every day now so as not to miss it.


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## mrs unicorn

Raine - great news about ov! Hopefully things will settle down nicely for you.

Star - when is af due?

Aayla - sounds like a plan, hopefully ov isn't too far off for you and you catch it.

Les - how are you love? Hope this longer TWW isn't too bad for you. Although I guess you're not quite in the extended bit yet!

Richiees - woman of immense will power - how are you doing, any update?!

AFM +opk today and lots of EWCM over the past couple days which has got me very excited. I've been taking EPO to help increase it again, so looks like it's working! Also been feeling proper o pains like before the mc again, so I'm a happy bunny!!


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## lesondemavie

Aayla - I can't really trust my temps since I'm on progesterone. I'll probably test tomorrow and then at 14 DPO as well.

MrsU - yay O and ewcm! I'm doing well. Just super busy and distracted. The extended bit starts tomorrow. 3 extra days shouldn't be that bad right?


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## beemeck

girls - I know people always said it me and it didn't mean much, but keep on going because you WILL get your bfps!!!

I got mine this morning against all odds of a natural cycle, 15 months into trying. 

will update more later but I'm thinking of you all!!!

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

when you put it like that, les, no 3 days isn't so bad. And you're gona maybe doing the odd test anyway. Keeping everything crossed for you! xxx

Bee - massive congrats hunny!! I'm still uber excited and emotional for you! xx


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## lesondemavie

Bee!!!! I'm so so happy for you! That is fantastic news. Congrats &#127881;&#127880;&#128514;


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> Raine - that's great news :yipee:
> 
> Star - My temps are around 98.2. When is AF due?
> 
> Also so good to hear from you both :hugs:

Les/ Mrs.-Should be here Friday. You? Les your chart looks good!!


Bee that's so exciting!!!! Congrats!!


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## raine87

Bee-- congrats!!!!

Aaryla--- I will probably wait for af. I'm really trying to be more laid back about all of this.


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## RichieesMom

Congrats bee!!!!!!! Aahhhhhh so exciting babe!!!

Well girls, I know I said I'd test end of the week.....but I chickened out! Ugh I can't bring myself to test. Iv got like 18 ic tests in the drawer that I've covered with clothes so they don't stare at me every time I open it. Still no AF tho! I'm insane, I know! 

Sending good vibes to all waiting on O and in tww!!


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## Aayla

Bee: Congrats!!! yay!! and no test porn?? seriously bummed girl. :haha: 

Richiees: :test: :test: :test: :rofl: Oh I am just dying to know. I know if you get a bfn it will bum you out but at some point you have to find so you can know what is going on. You are a week late now I believe. 

AFM: cd 17. I took an allergy med yesterday and it dried me right up. ugh. but I don't want to drink too much water because then my pee is too diluted for opk's and I have a tiny bladder so it's hard enough for me to hold it for hours. I am hoping for a positive today or tomorrow. hubby is off today so bd won't be a problem today but tomorrow it will have to be late because he works noon to 10pm. Then he is off for a few days.


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## BronteForever

Raine - so glad you are ovulating. You'll get the timing worked out. Some months are so much easier than others. Good luck!

Richieesmom - oh my goodness you are late. I can imagine it's probably overwhelming regardless and you want to stay in hopeful land. But I'm amazed you have held out. That late is super promising though. Fingers crossed!

Starlight - welcome back to officially trying. Yay!

Aayla - really hope the meds work for you this month. 

Bee - eeeekkk. I'm still so excited for you. You have now officially paved the way and I'm hoping to follow soon. 

Les - yay for an extended or official TWW. Really hope this helps and you get a successful implantation soon. I'm excited to see more house photos and hoping you have nursery photos to share soon as well. 

AFM - got my injection training today and it's getting real. Yay. But goodness you'd think they'd standardize the injections. I have 6 different meds and will be injecting between 2-4 times a day. They each have a slightly different injection process. Totally making my husband do most of it so it's his way of participating and one less worry for me.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - wow that sounds like a handful! Good idea getting DH to help out. I imagine it's quite nerve wracking. But you got this!!

Richiees - a week late?!?! How long are you going to wait till you test? I couldn't cope with the not knowing but we are all different so do whatever helps you. Xx

AFM - really confused. Had another +opk today. Not had two in a row before but I don't always do another after the first +, when I have it's always - had an increase in cm but it's thin and creamy so?!? Also as far as I know I've never od after cd13. Hmmm might have to bd again tonight, poor DH I think he's shattered!! I was so convinced I od last night as I had sharp o pains on my right for an hour, and since then nothing. Is it possible to get a + opk after ov? I'm thinking not so maybe I'm oing cd14 for the first time!


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## Starlight288

Hi ladies!
I know some of you have taken trips recently. Were you still TTC on these trips? We leave at the end of the month right smack in the middle of my fertile days. I think it would be the best time. I believe I conceived the last time over the NYE weekend. So maybe a vacation is the key.


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## beemeck

I was actively "ttc" on my trips, but mostly planned them all around my cycle :blush: but that's because I was doing IUI so needed to be home for that. I think a vacation sounds wonderful and can only do good things I'm sure! :thumbup:


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## mrs unicorn

Star - yes I'd say keep going! I actually got my bfp a week after NYE, so fertile time was over christmas, that could well have helped as we were relaxed but distracted most of the time.


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## RichieesMom

Good luck n have fun star!

So yesterday early morning I got up around 2am to pee n saw alil blood when I wiped. Thought there's af! But then I got up a couple more times that night to pee n nothing, not even when wiping. All day yesterday still nothing. Not even after bathroom breaks. Had major cramping n fully expected her but still nothing. If she doesn't show in the next couple of days I will definitely be testing.


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## mrs unicorn

Oh richiees I hope it's not af! How long has this cycle been for you now?

AFM - I've ovulated late which I'm really pissed about. It was either yesterday (1 day late) or today (2 days late!!) My blazing +opk was yesterday and normally that's o day according to temps, but I had another + today which isn't normal for me (I'm ignoring it and not putting it in FF). Really hope it was yesterday looking at our timing. DH is away until the end of the week now. My bbs started hurting a bit today, just twinges, so it might have been late on yesterday. I'm so fed up of this cycle already! Just going to try and forget about everything now, it's driving me mad.


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## lesondemavie

So sorry MrsU but maybe different will be good :hugs:

Richiees: Hope AF stays away.

Star: ttc and travel work great. I also conceived over the Xmas holiday.

Hope everyone else is doing well!

AFM first ever time at 13 DPO! How great is that? Small victories &#128522;. Here's hoping we get lucky next chance. So done with progesterone! It's making me super hungry and giving me heartburn &#128078;. I'd take that all if there was a baby, but that with a bfn just makes me mad. I may just have a doughnut today...and maybe start working out again &#128518;


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## Starlight288

Thanks Ladies!!!! I'm very hopeful about it!

Richie's mom - hope it's not AF

Mrs. U- hope you caught that egg!


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## BronteForever

Starlight - Actually I didn't try much on our trip but only because I've really no hope of it happening naturally and my husband was stressed most of the time for his race and that's the last thing he thinks about when stressed. If he wasn't, I totally would have gotten it on while on vacation. It's often more fun in a new environment and the relaxation can definetly help when TTC. 

Richieesmom - really hope it's not AF. If it is this sounds like a super weird cycle for you. Still keeping my fingers crossed for you. 

Mrs U - hope you managed to get atleast once in during the furtile window. If it was just late by a day you should still have some hope. Fingers crossed. 

Les - yeah I've not heard the most fun stuff about progesterone. I have to do mine via shots in the bum and I've heard it can hurt a bunch. Plus I bruise really easily. So I might need one of those donut pillows for awhile. But regardless if it helps it's going to be totally worth it and I know you feel the same way. Even if it doesn't happen this cycle for you, you are setting yourself up for much better success in the future. I'm excited for you.


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## Starlight288

Les- sorry it has some not so good side effects! But seems to be helping so that's great !!

Thanks for the advice again ladies!


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## mrs unicorn

Oh les, sorry about the side effects. Is it like ramped up pms? Not fun. Hope you enjoyed that doughnut though, think you've earned it.

Star - enjoy your trip!! Where are you going?

Aayla - how are you doing? Really hope o has turned up for you.

Bronte - we did manage to bd 5 times, so I know I shouldn't flap about it. I had it in my head that we need to bd past o because the one cycle we did I ended up pregnant. It's probably just coincidence but, well you know what it's like, you think 'if I just do this' or 'if we do that'. It's daft to think like that, I know. Anyway if this cycle is a bust we'll be bding after o just for my peace of mind! That is, if DH doesn't buzz off to another conference!!

How are you doing, have you started your meds yet?


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## Aayla

No O yet. Last opk was negative but the second line did come up quicker than the rest. Not any darker though. :( 

Normally I was supposed to O today (wed cd 19). I am in bed and about to go to sleep so we shall se what my temp does. Got in a BD session tonight so I am hoping timing is ok just in case. 

I am going to a concert tomorrow so even if I had opk's I wouldn't be able to use them. Just have to keep temping and hope for the rise.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - sounds good that the opk is starting to pop up quicker so Fx for that temp rise.


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## Starlight288

mrs unicorn said:


> Oh les, sorry about the side effects. Is it like ramped up pms? Not fun. Hope you enjoyed that doughnut though, think you've earned it.
> 
> Star - enjoy your trip!! Where are you going?
> 
> Aayla - how are you doing? Really hope o has turned up for you.
> 
> Bronte - we did manage to bd 5 times, so I know I shouldn't flap about it. I had it in my head that we need to bd past o because the one cycle we did I ended up pregnant. It's probably just coincidence but, well you know what it's like, you think 'if I just do this' or 'if we do that'. It's daft to think like that, I know. Anyway if this cycle is a bust we'll be bding after o just for my peace of mind! That is, if DH doesn't buzz off to another conference!!
> 
> How are you doing, have you started your meds yet?

We're going to California, to sight see and see my BIL and his girlfriend.


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## BronteForever

Starlight - have fun. Sounds like a great trip! 

mrs u - doing it as much as possible definitely helps around O, before and after. And I understand the being superstitious part of what has worked in the past. But you were in the window, so hopefully it's a success for you. I'm really hoping we have some more BFPs on this thread coming up. We all deserve it.

I start stim meds next week sometime on CD3 whenever that happens. Should be end of the week on into the beginning of the following week. I'm excited.

Aayla - hope you see a line in the next few days and the meds are working this time around!


----------



## Starlight288

BronteForever said:


> Starlight - have fun. Sounds like a great trip!
> 
> mrs u - doing it as much as possible definitely helps around O, before and after. And I understand the being superstitious part of what has worked in the past. But you were in the window, so hopefully it's a success for you. I'm really hoping we have some more BFPs on this thread coming up. We all deserve it.
> 
> I start stim meds next week sometime on CD3 whenever that happens. Should be end of the week on into the beginning of the following week. I'm excited.
> 
> Aayla - hope you see a line in the next few days and the meds are working this time around!


Bronte- thank you and best of luck with your new meds! I'm sorry I haven't followed enough to know what it is your trying. What is stim?


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## mrs unicorn

Star - sounds fab. I LOVED California when we went on our honeymoon. Hello sunshine!! Are you from the US (If you don't mind me asking)

Bronte - eeek so exciting! Will you be doing the actual IVF this month as well as the egg retrieval (sorry I don't know the proper lingo).


----------



## Starlight288

Mrs. U- yes I'm in Pennsylvania. You?


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## BronteForever

Starlight - thanks, I'm starting IVF. Stims are just the abbreviated lingo for meds that stimulate the ovaries. Basically they try to make you ovulate an overabundance of eggs and then give you other meds to slow the process so they can get the timing perfect, before taking all the eggs out, fertilizing them, and then putting the embryos back it. Fun times (very sarcastically said, because if you have ever had ovulation pain, just imagine it being multiplied by 10-15, which is around the amount of eggs I'm hoping for. Plus, I have scar tissue or something that causes pain on at least one of my ovaries, so I'm anticipating some not fun few weeks ahead, but I will get through it!).

mrs u - egg retrieval is about 2 weeks after I start stims, and is close to when ovulation normally happens for most people. But they give you a trigger shot to get the timing perfect. So that will happen early July. I should know within 3-5 days after that how many embryos we have to work with. At that time we will determine if we are doing genetic testing or just transferring back. It depends on how many embryos we get. Any left that can be viable pregnancies will be frozen for potential future kids.


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## mrs unicorn

Star - The UK, north east England. I feel I'm learning a lot about the geography of the US being on here!!

Bronte - oh, the o pain doesn't sound fun, but sounds like it'll just be the one time for you. So a super exciting few weeks coming up then! Can't wait for all your updates. xx


----------



## Starlight288

BronteForever said:


> Starlight - thanks, I'm starting IVF. Stims are just the abbreviated lingo for meds that stimulate the ovaries. Basically they try to make you ovulate an overabundance of eggs and then give you other meds to slow the process so they can get the timing perfect, before taking all the eggs out, fertilizing them, and then putting the embryos back it. Fun times (very sarcastically said, because if you have ever had ovulation pain, just imagine it being multiplied by 10-15, which is around the amount of eggs I'm hoping for. Plus, I have scar tissue or something that causes pain on at least one of my ovaries, so I'm anticipating some not fun few weeks ahead, but I will get through it!).
> 
> mrs u - egg retrieval is about 2 weeks after I start stims, and is close to when ovulation normally happens for most people. But they give you a trigger shot to get the timing perfect. So that will happen early July. I should know within 3-5 days after that how many embryos we have to work with. At that time we will determine if we are doing genetic testing or just transferring back. It depends on how many embryos we get. Any left that can be viable pregnancies will be frozen for potential future kids.

Oh wow! I hope they get as many embryos as they can. Hope it's not too awful painful. Best of luck, hoping this is the answer to your prayers!


----------



## Starlight288

mrs unicorn said:


> Star - The UK, north east England. I feel I'm learning a lot about the geography of the US being on here!!
> 
> Bronte - oh, the o pain doesn't sound fun, but sounds like it'll just be the one time for you. So a super exciting few weeks coming up then! Can't wait for all your updates. xx

You're probably learning more than me about he US. I still don't know where the location of some of the states are! Geography has never been my strong suit! Haha


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## BronteForever

Yes it should hopefully only be the one time. But we paid for two IVF rounds upfront, because it's cheaper per round and gave us unlimited frozen transfers. So theoretically if I don't respond well to the meds or I get a small amount of embryos I could choose to do another cycle as well. Which might very well be an option. Given my age if we want future children it is a good option because then my eggs will stay a youthful 35, no matter how long it takes me to put them back in. So even after I'm 40 then I still have a much better shot at having kids. (I can't believe I'm even close enough to that age to be thinking about that right now- that seems crazy to me. I remember when my own parents had an "over the hill" 40th birthday party).

My husband only wants one kid, but I know that's not going to happen and I think he's silly saying that. To be honest, that only started after our ectopic. Before that he wanted more. I think going through that entire process scared him and there was probably some self-preservation happening that made him think just one kid would be fine and he'd take that. Not sure. It's interesting to think about though.


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## Starlight288

That sounds like a great option for you! I really never knew much about the IVF process, thank you for sharing how it works!


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## mrs unicorn

That does sound like a good plan Bronte. I remember my mums 40th, I was 16! Our kid / kids will be much younger at mine as I'm 30. I understand your DHs feelings. We've always wanted 2 (secretly I wanted more but I know that'll never happen now) but since the mmc I'm thinking it's a possibility one might be enough depending on how long it takes us etc etc. But your situation is different, you don't want to spend all that money and go through the whole process, only to think in a couple of years you want another and maybe have to do it all again, when you could have tried to plan for it now. Good thinking.


----------



## lesondemavie

Star - I'm actually in California! It's a great place to visit. We live right back by a National Park and absolutely love it. There is so much to see. We've had some great little spontaneous weekend staycations. Let me know if you need any tips for SoCal.

Bronte - I'm so excited for you to start. It sounds like an awful lot to go through, but how amazing will it be when you're holding that little baby! I hear you in the age thing. At 34, I'm getting really concerned that this is taking a while...my risk of another MC just keeps on going up &#128542;

Aayla - Hope O comes soon doll.

Richiees - Hope all is well with you.

Bee - I hope you're getting all the symptoms from you're little sticky bean. Still just over the moon happy for you!


----------



## Starlight288

That sounds like a great option for you! I really never knew much about the IVF process, thank you for sharing how it works!


----------



## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> Star - I'm actually in California! It's a great place to visit. We live right back by a National Park and absolutely love it. There is so much to see. We've had some great little spontaneous weekend staycations. Let me know if you need any tips for SoCal.
> 
> Bronte - I'm so excited for you to start. It sounds like an awful lot to go through, but how amazing will it be when you're holding that little baby! I hear you in the age thing. At 34, I'm getting really concerned that this is taking a while...my risk of another MC just keeps on going up &#128542;
> 
> Aayla - Hope O comes soon doll.
> 
> Richiees - Hope all is well with you.
> 
> Bee - I hope you're getting all the symptoms from you're little sticky bean. Still just over the moon happy for you!

Les! I totally missed this!! Any tips would be great we're staying in a place called Fallon , Fallbrook something like that? Is that right? My BIL is located in Oceanside, I believe. We want to see places like LA and San Diego , which I guess BIL is near. My geography skills are lacking!


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## lesondemavie

Fallbrook is beautiful but a bit out of the way. You can go wine tasting in Temecula. There's lots of good food in Oceanside/Carlsbad. Oceanside is in north San Diego County so it will be a good maybe 45 minute drive down to downtown San Diego. I'm sure your brother in-law will show you around. I live in between there and LA in Orange County. LA is a good 1-1.5 hours from here so it will be at least 2-2.5 hours from Fallbrook. LA is sprawling, so it's best to decide what you want to see up there. Museum-wise I love the Getty. I'd say the best beaches are a bit south Del Mar, La Jolla around there. Hope you have fun!!!


----------



## Starlight288

Thanks for the insight!! Yeah my BIL has been calling everyday because like you said were not staying quite in the right area. Sounds like we're sorta out of the way! Blaming that on DH!


----------



## Aayla

No temp spike :cry:

cm has also dried up. Looks like it is IVF for me. I will temp throughout the weekend to be sure. But I don't think it's going to happen. I'm thinking I'm going to call the doc today and let them know so I can book in time to see him if needed. I don't know what the next step is while I lose the weight and save up the money.


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## RichieesMom

Bronte, I'm crazy excited for u, u have no idea! 

Les, the progesterone is going to do great things for u, I know it.

Star, have a good trip babe! 

Mrs u, everything is crossed for this relaxed cycle!

Afm, no AF. Just that one pee break when wiping. Not a hint of anything since! I do remember last yr when AF didn't show for march, I did get a tiny bit of blood middle of April. Thought that was AF n put a tampon in. A few hrs later when it was time to change it, there was hardly anything on it. Then nothing for the next 9 months! Not thinking this is the same situation, but its reminded me of then. Will be testing tomorrow morning or the next. Very freaking nervous but not expecting good news.


----------



## RichieesMom

Aayla, I'm sorry.... Ull get some good news soon. Hey, maybe while waiting on ivf ull have a surprise bfp! Iv read of that happening a lot.


----------



## Aayla

Thanks Richiees. I wish it would happen but I don't ovulate on my own. Never have is what the doc suspects. Except when I first got my period when I was a little girl. I was told at 18 that I had PCOS and would need medical help to conceive.


----------



## BronteForever

Oh Aayla - I'm so sorry. That's so weird you just stopped responding to the meds. Is that typical? I was really hoping you wouldn't need IVF, but it might be a good motivation to work on yourself and your health why you are waiting to save up for. There's several great grants and funding sources to look into as well, depending on your clinic. I'm sure Canada is similar in what it offers, but I think several of them it doesn't matter where you are located. Good luck, Hon. :hugs:

Richieesmom - thanks. I'm excited too! I'm really anxious to see what you find out from the test. I really hope it's good news.

Starlight - have fun in CA. So excited for you. And the IVF process is crazy. I had a ton to learn before starting with it. 

Les - I hate that we have to worry about age. I don't even feel that old at all, but I guess when it comes to fertility we are. Boo. Really glad you figured out the progesterone issue now so it can hopefully help you conceive faster then without it. 

mrs u - we'll see what happens. All my plans could change. I'm excited to finally start though. How's your SIL doing, by the way? Do you feel you are managing to keep the carefree mindset that you wanted from this month?


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## Starlight288

Aayla- so sorry hope you can find some funding somewhere to help cover the process. It's such a shame not everywhere covers processes like that.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Aayla - I'm so sorry hun. I can't even imagine how upsetting this must be for you. I really hope you find a way to start IVF soon. Are you going to see your doc soon?

Richiees - I literally cannot wait to see your test!!

Bronte - my SIL is doing ok. She doesn't open up too much but she was signed off work for two weeks. She's spent a good few days crying but she went back to work this week so hopefully she's starting to settle a bit. We're seeing her and my bro this weekend as they've just moved house. Can't wait to give her a big hug. 

Hmmm this cycle didn't end up as relaxed as I'd hoped. The opks stressed me out! I'm fine now but I'm thinking if this cycle is a bust I'm ditching the opks too. I know I ov cd12-14 (ish) so if we bd every other day from 8-16 we should be covered. That was my plan this cycle but once I saw the neg opk when I expected it to be pos I freaked a bit, that's why we ended up bding 5 days in a row!!! I think this TWW will be good though as I'm off work next week and my mum is coming up.


----------



## Aayla

I called my doc's assistant and she referred me to the nurses line as they will have some questions. So now I am waiting to hear back. 

I know the last time I saw him that he said that if I were to take a break or if the hyperplasia was back that I would have to be on the Mirena. Not sure if that is still a thing but it seems likely as it will be 2017 before we get the money. 

I'm not sure if it is normal for it to stop working but this is my 7th cycle. It could be that I have been on too long or it could be the weight gain in the last year. 

I've had a bit of time to come to terms with this and there is this feeling inside that this is the right step to take. I was almost willing to do it anyway as I was getting so tired of timed sex and making sure that not only hubby was aware he couldn't say no during that time but that he didn't feel like a sperm machine at the same time. He even said that doing it in the cup would be fine. lol somehow it's different. I don't know. Men... :haha: 

But yes, maybe this is divine intervention. Maybe this is the way that the universe, God, Goddess, Buddha..whatever you believe in...is telling me to get my ass in gear and get healthy.


----------



## BronteForever

mrs u - glad your SIL seems to be coping as best as she can and she took some time away from work. I'm sure that helped. It's nice that you can be there for her, regardless if she opens up or not. I'm usually pretty shy and soft spoken so I don't open up lots in real life, but I appreciated everyone's kind words or hugs around my loss regardless.

Sorry the OPKs are still stressing out some. That's a good plan for next month. Let's hope it's not needed though!

Aayla - that sounds horrible. Why would they make you do the Mirena? Just because it would be dangerous for a pregnancy? Or does it have another benefit for you? As soon as we figured out IVF was right for us, it felt like everything fell into place and it really felt like the right decision. And I totally understand the annoyance with timed intercourse and just ready to move on. I'm grateful we don't really need to be forced to BD anymore. While most of the time it was fine, it just gets not fun after awhile. Moving on to trying other things is nice! Hope you get to try it sooner rather then later and it's helpful to focus on yourself. I know once we knew we were doing IVF it was a really good kick in the pants to get more serious about my eating and fitness.


----------



## Aayla

It would be for the hyperplasia. When not ovulating I need to be on a progesterone to keep it from coming back but I am too sensitive to provera. So he wants to put in the Mirena. BUT I haven't had any hyperplasia show up in over a year so I am hoping that I won't have to. Just waiting for the doc to call to confirm short term next steps.


----------



## BronteForever

Hope you get good news from that front at least.


----------



## Aayla

Soooo...I had another temp spike this morning. may have jumped the gun a bit on that whole no ovulation thing :blush:

i won't know for sure until I get my progesterone test done next Thursday but when I put in a high temp for tomorrow FF gives me my cross hairs on cd 20. and there is another online calendar I use as well and it normally never gives me cover line or anything and when I put in a high temp for tomorrow it not only gives me a cover line but puts O day on cd 20 as well.


----------



## lesondemavie

Fx Aayla!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Aayla - that's fab news, just look at your temps!! Surely they wouldn't look like that unles you'd od?!

Les - how you doing with the 15 day lp? Goes on forever doesn't it?

AFM - had a fab day yesterday celebrating my MILs 60th and visiting my bro and SIL in their new house. Been feeling really nauseous so far this TWW. Think I'm having a bit of a hormone surge as my skin is breaking out badly too. Only 5 DPO so I know it's nothing other than normal hormones buzzing about. My o pains were much stronger this cycle too, and af cramps so that kind of makes sense.


----------



## lesondemavie

I'm ok. Just hoping AF arrives soon. Today, Saturday, was actually 16 DPO. I just didn't temp or record data today. I took my last dose of progesterone 72 hours ago. Really hope this doesn't drag on too long.


----------



## Aayla

mrs unicorn said:


> Aayla - that's fab news, just look at your temps!! Surely they wouldn't look like that unles you'd od?!
> 
> Les - how you doing with the 15 day lp? Goes on forever doesn't it?
> 
> AFM - had a fab day yesterday celebrating my MILs 60th and visiting my bro and SIL in their new house. Been feeling really nauseous so far this TWW. Think I'm having a bit of a hormone surge as my skin is breaking out badly too. Only 5 DPO so I know it's nothing other than normal hormones buzzing about. My o pains were much stronger this cycle too, and af cramps so that kind of makes sense.

I am thinking the same thing!! Oh crap. Just realized I forgot my thermometer at home. Thankfully my friend is coming over to my parents (I am house sitting) to hang out so I can get him to bring me home. And thankfully I live a 2 min drive away.

But yeah. I am thinking I ovulated but just later than normal. I feel all flushed and my boobs are tingly.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Yes!! That's is excellent news. So happy for you!!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Les - sorry, don't know how I missed your last post there. But wow just noticed you're 17 DPO! How are you doing, have you tested recently? How long did your doc say af would come once you stopped the prog?


----------



## lesondemavie

I tested yesterday upon DH's insistence. Still a stark white negative. My ob said 1-2 days. I was afraid of this though. I never had a withdrawal bleed on bcp. Hopefully it doesn't take too much longer...


----------



## mrs unicorn

Oh that sucks. Sorry. Maybe it's just taking a while to get it out of your system. Did they say to get in touch or do you think they'll just say to wait?


----------



## Starlight288

Aayla said:


> mrs unicorn said:
> 
> 
> Aayla - that's fab news, just look at your temps!! Surely they wouldn't look like that unles you'd od?!
> 
> Les - how you doing with the 15 day lp? Goes on forever doesn't it?
> 
> AFM - had a fab day yesterday celebrating my MILs 60th and visiting my bro and SIL in their new house. Been feeling really nauseous so far this TWW. Think I'm having a bit of a hormone surge as my skin is breaking out badly too. Only 5 DPO so I know it's nothing other than normal hormones buzzing about. My o pains were much stronger this cycle too, and af cramps so that kind of makes sense.
> 
> I am thinking the same thing!! Oh crap. Just realized I forgot my thermometer at home. Thankfully my friend is coming over to my parents (I am house sitting) to hang out so I can get him to bring me home. And thankfully I live a 2 min drive away.
> 
> But yeah. I am thinking I ovulated but just later than normal. I feel all flushed and my boobs are tingly.Click to expand...

Looks good!! Yay for ovulating!


----------



## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> I tested yesterday upon DH's insistence. Still a stark white negative. My ob said 1-2 days. I was afraid of this though. I never had a withdrawal bleed on bcp. Hopefully it doesn't take too much longer...

Hope it's not too long! But you are certainly on the right track!


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## Starlight288

I'm CD5, odd period. Heavy first day or two now nothing but spotting. In hopefully because the cycle I got pregnant was a shorter/lighter AF. Forgot my thermometer this weekend as well, but I still have time to start.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - that's great news you might have ovulated. 

Les - so sorry. That has to be frustrating waiting even longer for AF to come. Really hope it's positive news for you but I know there's not too much hope this cycle yet. Hope it's a positive next time around. Good luck. 

Starlight - AF stinks. Mine is always different now as well. It apparently likes variety. 

Mrs U - so glad you had a nice celebration and fun time with family yesterday. Fingers crossed for you this month. Really hope you get good news at the end of the TWW.


----------



## Aayla

les: it can take up to two weeks for af to start after progesterone. Usually it is one week but the longest I have had is 8 days. Fx it happens soon. 

I am officially 3 dpo...at least according to FF. got another high temp today! I will confirm on thursday with the progesterone test. But my body feels different and so I am pretty sure I did.


----------



## Aayla

Richiees..please tell me you have tested by now!!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Oh gosh, yeah, richiees how are you doing???

AFM - thinking I'm out this cycle. My skin broke out at 1 3 5 6 9 DPO with my bfp. I'm 6 DPO and just had my usual 1 & 3 DPO breakouts so I doubt it's happened. *sigh* at least I might be able to forget a bit about it and enjoy my week off now, rather than wishing the days away till testing at the weekend.


----------



## BronteForever

Yes Richieesmom - so curious. 

Mrs U - try not to compare to your previous BFP too much. I've heard every pregnancy is different. I know it's hard not to do. Still holding out hope for you this cycle. Good luck!


----------



## lesondemavie

MrsU - It's far too early. Average implantation is 8-10 DPO. I know it helps to just think you're out and move on early though. Here's hoping for a surprise BFP!


----------



## Aayla

Mrs U..definitely too early to be calling it quits. I do know how hard it is not to compare to other pregnancies. I compare every cycle to my first bfp to see what is the same and what is different. So far this one is very similar so it has me quite excited. and so I can totally see it doing the opposite as well.

are you going to be testing early or waiting it out?


----------



## mrs unicorn

Thanks girls. I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions. My break outs before implantation could just have been coincidence and, like you say, every pregnancy is different. Not sure about testing, was going to wait till next Saturday when I'll be 11 DPO (if I did o on cd14) But I know what I'm like!! Definitely won't bother before 9/10 DPO though.


----------



## lesondemavie

CD1 today :). Just glad it didn't take 1-2 weeks! Onward! I'm copying you MrsU and doing a more relaxed cycle. May just temp around O so I can time the progesterone. Also doing a few things to help with DH's motility. It's not horrible, but it's not great either.

How is everyone else? Star, raine hope you're doing well. Bee - hope you're enjoying and celebrating every day! So glad to have you all here through all the ups and downs xxx.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Just commented in your journal les. So relieved for you! I'm definitely not going back to temping, good idea about doing it around ov. Xx


----------



## lesondemavie

MrsU - I'm just so jealous that you can tell when you break out! I'm 34 and it still feels like I'm constantly breaking out. I even stopped wearing make up thinking that would help, but nope...still just as bad &#128542;


----------



## mrs unicorn

I only started tracking it before we got married as I was paranoid about looking awful on our wedding day! I never even noticed a pattern before that. Luckily it was in my good week!

Oh and make up never made a difference to me either. I stopped wearing it when I started my business (working from home) hasn't made any difference - it's a myth!!


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## BronteForever

Les - glad that it didn't take too long for AF to show up after stopping the progesterone. Your hubbies numbers don't really look bad at all, but I know it probably feels better to try to combat some of it. Switching up when you BD might help. Good luck!

And I break out all the time as well. It's annoying. I've just come to accept it. I had elevated testosterone (super fun!) when they checked that, so I'm assuming that's caused that as well and some unwanted hair growth that's difficult to maintain. Oh the joys of being a woman.


----------



## BronteForever

Oh and Les and mrs u - glad you are doing relaxed cycles again. Really hope it helps! I'm really hoping there's a surge of BFP announcements in here soon!


----------



## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> CD1 today :). Just glad it didn't take 1-2 weeks! Onward! I'm copying you MrsU and doing a more relaxed cycle. May just temp around O so I can time the progesterone. Also doing a few things to help with DH's motility. It's not horrible, but it's not great either.
> 
> How is everyone else? Star, raine hope you're doing well. Bee - hope you're enjoying and celebrating every day! So glad to have you all here through all the ups and downs xxx.

Glad AF came quickly!!! That's awesome !


Doing well CD 6 here going to wait until the weekend to even think about OPK's. My cycle was lighter but not really short , so don't think I'd O earlier but I'll be on the look out.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Just relaxing and taking it day by day .


----------



## beemeck

Doing okay girls <3 always reading and checking up on you but hanging back just to be extra sensitive. I have 10 days til my first scan and I'm def super, super nervous. I know you all understand that. 

I'm constantly rooting for you all and I just know that the next bfp is around the corner !


----------



## BronteForever

Oh Bee - you are such a sweetheart being sensitive about everyone. That's so thoughtful. I'm following along on your journal to get all the news. But I hope the next week or so flies by before your scan so it can give you some peace. I'm sure the worry will never go away even after the kid is born but I'd just hope all of us will breathe a small sigh of relief when we pass the milestone of when we lost our kids the last time around. Anyway best wishes on a happy and healthy pregnancy. 

I agree we need some more BFPs in here. I'm really routing for everyone as well. 

Star - day by day is the only thing you can do. Hang in there. Good luck.


----------



## Starlight288

BronteForever said:


> Oh and Les and mrs u - glad you are doing relaxed cycles again. Really hope it helps! I'm really hoping there's a surge of BFP announcements in here soon!

Me too!! I hope this next month/cycle is good to this group!!


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## Aayla

les: glad af didn't take too long to show up. 

Bee: Thanks for being sensitive. Glad all is well. Good luck on your scan!! Hope you get pics!! 

AFM: well if my symptoms are truly anything then I may just give you all the bfp. 4dpo: Today I have the flushed skin, tingly boobs, and fatigue just like yesterday but added on is thirsty/dry mouth, metallic taste, hot flashes and slight cramping. 

it is going to be so hard to wait to test.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - fingers crossed your symptoms are the start of good news.


----------



## Aayla

I hope so or my body is playing a very cruel joke on me. Lol

I just wish there were people in RL I can talk to. I love this forum and it has helped me in so many ways but I wish I had a gf where we could go out for ice cream and I can go over every niggle every feeling and symptom. My closest friend is a guy and he barely believes pms is a thing. Lol


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## BronteForever

Ha. Yeah guys don't understand a lot about symptoms. My husband thinks I'm half crazy anytime I mention anything. But I've had several of those months where your body plays tricks on you and it sucks. Really hope it's not that. Good luck. And I don't talk about hardly any of this in RL even with my closest friends. Most of my friends are done having kids too. So that's why these boards are super nice.


----------



## Aayla

Yeah. The two ladies in my life one has 4 kids and is done and one was ttc sort of...she just couldn't get into charting but then financial issues have put them on hold. She is under 30 so she still has some time but it seems to be hard to talk about. She went silent on all things after my mc even though I wanted her to keep me in the loop. And now when I mention anything it is like pulling teeth to get a reaction. 

But it is also why I like these boards. Great support and people understand my obsession with poas. Lol


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## lesondemavie

I do that with my best friend sometimes Aayla, but she conceived in her second cycle trying and never miscarried (thankfully). Glad to have this board where those of us in similar situations can come together for support <3


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## RichieesMom

Sorry ladies! I've been out of town for a couple days. Dh n I r going thru some things that I thought was water under the bridge but has somehow over flowed n flooded that bridge. Horrible timing considering. But another story, another time. 

I said I would test, thought I was, until I packed n left the house n forgot my ic stash. N considering I've been in a daze, haven't bothered to stop n get any at the store. No af. Had cramping all night last night, expected her to show AGAIN but nothing. I know I must be driving y'all crazy n I'm sorry!

Things r not good right now n I'm still in shock. Sorry not the place for this. I promise as soon as I get my head out of the fog I will update ASAP.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - fx all your symptoms mean something good! I've given up trying to stop myself testing early (well, before 10 DPO anyway). That in itself makes me anxious! I just give in! I also don't have anyone to talk to IRL. My best friend knows everything but we live really far apart, plus she's a very long way from TTC (she's single) so it'd feel awkward. My SIL has her own things to work through since her MMC (I would never talk to her about it now) and my mum would just get too excited that I was pregnant. Although I do talk to her about how I'm feeling about things, just not the details of cycles and symptoms.

Bee - bless you. I'm following your journal like a hawk anyway. Really hope the next 10 days go quickly for you. I'm sure it'll be difficult to relax for a long while yet but the more scans you have, and milestones you reach, hopefully it'll start to ease. Xx

Richiees - I hope you're ok? We're all here to listen if you want to talk, even if it's not TTC related. Keep in touch.


----------



## Aayla

Richiees: Sorry to hear you are going through issues with your DH i do hope you get it resolved soon. And if you want to vent here I am also ok with that. Sometimes we need to vent to a place that is unbiased. I do hope you test soon. only to know what is going on with your body. you are very late now and if you aren't pregnant I would be wondering what is up. Cramping is totally normal in the beginning of pregnancy as the uterus grows and stretches. FX that is it 

Mrs U: Thanks. I will probably break out a stick tomorrow. Just to curb the testing itch. lol I'm crazy. But I am seriously so certain that this is it. Based on these symptoms I would bet money on it. I told one my girlfriends and she was happy but had to bring that shitty realism stuff and tell me not to get my hopes up. My hopes are up every cycle even if I have no symptoms. Telling someone in the tww to not get their hopes up is like telling some to relax and they'll get pregnant. lol


----------



## mrs unicorn

Haha! It really is! I hate that and 'it'll happen when it's meant to' urgh whatever! You have to do whatever is right for you whether it's being hopeful or not, or testing early or not. I feel it changes with each cycle. You don't need me to say this but don't feel you're out if it's negative at this stage. X


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## Aayla

I'm only 5 dpo...it's a medical miracle if I got a positive. :haha: I usually don't get disheartened until 13 or 14 dpo because that is when I saw my first pink line last time. and I tested from 7dpo and on. So thankful I have the cheapies this time. I spent over $100 that cycle on FRER! :dohh:


----------



## mrs unicorn

Oh my days, I was the same! I think I spent more on FRERs when I was pregnant that not!! I tend to feel out around 11 DPO as my bfp was then. It's funny how we know testing early isn't going to give us any answers but we still want to do it! :dohh: I've given up trying to reason with myself!!


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## Aayla

So true. I think we hope for the medical miracle. lol and we just want to know right this second. And aren't we lucky though. We take it for granted we can test so early. My mom wouldn't know until her period was late and then she had to go to the doc and get a blood test and then wait for them to call.


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## mrs unicorn

I know, my mum told me she never bought a hpt until she was a few days late! I wish I was that chilled out about it. I laughed and told her about the kind of testing I sometimes do - she did the roll of the eyes 'typical you' thing! I think it's the worst thing for a control freak, to not know what's happening in your own body is so hard, I hate it! But you're right, at least we have a choice of fairly cheap tests we can do early. We're also far more informed about implantation and timing etc.


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## Starlight288

It's crazy how the older generation can hold off onto AF is late. I say it every time but can't make it that long!!


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## BronteForever

Oh Richieesmom - :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:
So sorry you are having a hard time with your SO. Losing a child had to be incredibly hard for both of you and that in itself probably amplifies everything. I read some statistic once that couples that go through a miscarriage or lose of a child are significantly more likely to divorce. It's so hard to deal with. My husband and I went to marriage counseling several months after our ectopic, since stuff just kept getting piled up and we couldn't deal with it in a productive manner. It helped a ton. It's not for every couple though. But yes, if you need to talk or vent, please do!

Good luck.


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## RichieesMom

Thanks girls, I really really appreciate it. I'm sure all my emotions will come pouring out as soon as I get a grip on things. Iv actually googled about child loss in relationships n saw alot of separation involved :( 

I'll keep y'all posted.


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## kmpreston

Hi guys can I join you?

I already know Aayla and Richieesmom (and I think Mrs green is on here too) from another forum so I've had a look on this group before and you all seem in a similar boat to me


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## kmpreston

Pressed send too early but Richieesmom I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with DH, I hope you get it sorted soon and if you do end up being pregnant I hope that this baby is a blessing to you that helps you through it all x


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## Aayla

Heya KM..welcome!! Great group of ladies here.


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## kmpreston

Aayla said:


> Heya KM..welcome!! Great group of ladies here.

:flower: that's good. I came over here because I. feel like I will fit better with people who don't already have children and are TTC their first! Amongst other things....:blush:


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## Aayla

yeah. It can be hard to be in a group of moms. I have wonderful group I am part of but sometimes it's hard when they talk about baby stuff. But I'm learning a lot for when I get pregnant so that is a plus.


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## lesondemavie

Richiees - Sending you hugs xxx. Losing a child can be so very hard on a relationship. I hope in the end it brings you closer <3

Welcome km!! Happy to have your support and hope we can give it back in spades as well <3. I had that same feeling. Prior to my loss I stuck to the ttc#1 boards, and then after I didn't feel like I quite fit anywhere. So glad to have started this thread so that we all have a safe place to gather when we need a break from the reminders. So hoping we can stick together until we all get our first little healthy bundles of joy in our arms.


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## BronteForever

Welcome to the group KM. I agree that sometimes it's nice to get advice from other moms, but sometimes, it's more important to vent with those that are still TTC #1. So happy to have you join us. 

AFM - spotting started today, so AF should start in 2-4 days and we can finally get this IVF Party started! I'm trying to play it cool, but I'm really just a big bundle of nerves and I'm not functioning at work at all today and I'm pretty sure my attention span is only going to get worse. 

I haven't been properly TTC for quite sometime and gave up hope of it happening awhile ago, so this will be the first time I've been actually TTC (at least mentally) in sometime. That by itself is daunting, but then add to that the overwhelming IVF process, financial investment, etc., it's a bit nerve-wracking finally starting. I'm excited though. Really hope I respond well and I'll only need one retrieval. We shall see!


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## BronteForever

Les - I love your new profile pic too!


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## lesondemavie

I'm so excited and hopeful for you Bronte. We'll be here cheering you on straight to that rainbow <3


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## Aayla

Bronte: Yay for AF!! So exciting it is starting soon for you. The time will drag and pass quickly all at the same time! lol


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## Starlight288

BronteForever said:


> Welcome to the group KM. I agree that sometimes it's nice to get advice from other moms, but sometimes, it's more important to vent with those that are still TTC #1. So happy to have you join us.
> 
> AFM - spotting started today, so AF should start in 2-4 days and we can finally get this IVF Party started! I'm trying to play it cool, but I'm really just a big bundle of nerves and I'm not functioning at work at all today and I'm pretty sure my attention span is only going to get worse.
> 
> I haven't been properly TTC for quite sometime and gave up hope of it happening awhile ago, so this will be the first time I've been actually TTC (at least mentally) in sometime. That by itself is daunting, but then add to that the overwhelming IVF process, financial investment, etc., it's a bit nerve-wracking finally starting. I'm excited though. Really hope I respond well and I'll only need one retrieval. We shall see!



Fingers crossed for you hunnie!! Hope one time and you'll have your precious baby!!


----------



## beccabonny

Hi everybody! Thank you Les for inviting me over here :) I'm brand new to the forum as of today. After around 4 or 5 months of not trying, not preventing last year we had our first pg which ended in mc in december, 8 wk old twins due to "chromosomal abnormalities." 

We decided to start trying a little more after that which doesn't seem to have been helpful at all (by that I mean I've been tracking my cycles). No new pg, and way more stress, but after the loss now I seem to be of a one track mind. I wish I could go back to before and just not even think about it, but it's impossible! 

Anyway, AF came yesterday after 7 days of not showing up, which just about broke my heart despite the negative tests. Guess the stress of my family's visit a couple weeks ago must have delayed ovulation? After this, I have decided to start doing the ovulation tests and maybe the basal temp tracking. I'm a bit on the higher end for age (almost 35) which is another stressor, but everything is apparently good with my system, but we will start looking at other things if nothing has happened by october. 

I apologize for not knowing all of the lingo yet (there's so much!) but I'm happy to have found a group to talk to and join in hopes and disappointments (hopefully more of the former, but ttc...!).


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## BronteForever

becca - welcome to the group and I'm so sorry for your loss of twins. Hugs!! I'm sure it was extra horrible to lose two at the same time. So very sorry that happened to you.

You have come to the right place, since this group is fabulous and a great comfort as you are TTC. I can't believe you were a week late getting your period in the middle of TTC. So sorry. Hang in there and feel free to vent about anything you want.


----------



## beccabonny

bronte, thanks for the welcome! i already feel so welcome, and it's a great feeling since everyone around me seems to snap their fingers and be pg one after the other. my sis-in-law is on her 4th pg in 5 years! i do have to mention that she mc'd with her first as well, though. it's nice to have a place to talk. words help. i think i might start a PAL journal like i've seen some others do :)


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## Aayla

Welcome Becca! I am sorry for your loss. Stress can definitely delay or even stop O. 

I would definitely start temping. It will really help in pin pointing ovulation. Even with just tracking cycle your O date could shift and even though you think you timed it right you may not have. 

We are here to help and answer any questions you may have. No question is dumb and I am sure we have all asked it at one point. 

Gl in your journey! :hugs:


----------



## kmpreston

I hear what you're saying about everyone around you getting pregnant - it's been constant for me whilst I have been TTC, though most of them have now had their babies and I'm expecting them to have their second before I have one! One of my best friends babies arrived safely 5 weeks early (last week). She's beautiful and I'm over the moon for them but it just reminds me of what I have lost (I was due 6 weeks after her due date with my 1st pregnancy). Least I get cuddles though :)

Bronte I'll be following your IVF experience closely as I am expecting to be referred for it on 8th July. 

As for moms with kids giving advice about babies - I love love love that. Just not mad keen on being given unasked for advice (of course I love advice when I ask for it!) about TTC!


----------



## Starlight288

beccabonny said:


> Hi everybody! Thank you Les for inviting me over here :) I'm brand new to the forum as of today. After around 4 or 5 months of not trying, not preventing last year we had our first pg which ended in mc in december, 8 wk old twins due to "chromosomal abnormalities."
> 
> We decided to start trying a little more after that which doesn't seem to have been helpful at all (by that I mean I've been tracking my cycles). No new pg, and way more stress, but after the loss now I seem to be of a one track mind. I wish I could go back to before and just not even think about it, but it's impossible!
> 
> Anyway, AF came yesterday after 7 days of not showing up, which just about broke my heart despite the negative tests. Guess the stress of my family's visit a couple weeks ago must have delayed ovulation? After this, I have decided to start doing the ovulation tests and maybe the basal temp tracking. I'm a bit on the higher end for age (almost 35) which is another stressor, but everything is apparently good with my system, but we will start looking at other things if nothing has happened by october.
> 
> I apologize for not knowing all of the lingo yet (there's so much!) but I'm happy to have found a group to talk to and join in hopes and disappointments (hopefully more of the former, but ttc...!).

Welcome! I've not been here too long either but it's a great group. So sorry for your loss. I think you'll definitely find temping very helpful !


----------



## BronteForever

KM - you are more then welcome to follow along and if you have any questions about IVF don't hesitate to ask or PM me. I was clueless at first. Though it looks like you are in the UK. I'm in a few IVF support groups on here with ladies from the UK (both NHS and private funded) and the process seems quite a bit different. Though it varies quite a bit in the states too based on your clinic. Best wishes. Hope you don't need it but it's nice we have it for those of us that can't conceive naturally. 

Becca - a journal sounds like a great option for you and can be very therapeutic. It's been over 7 years from my loss and it took me a lot longer to heal afterwards since I didn't participate in groups like this or get my feelings out there. So being here is a great start. And seeing others pregnant was definetly hard at first. Hugs.


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## kmpreston

I hope I don't need it too but it's looking like that will be the path the NHS sends me down next


----------



## mrs unicorn

Welcome KM & becca. I always get excited when someone new joins, then I remember why we're all here. So sorry for your losses girls. I believe that TTC #1 after a loss is a unique (although sadly not rare) position to be in, so I understand your need to be surrounded by ladies like us. We get it. It's hard at times. I sound like a stuck record most cycles going through the same highs and lows but these ladies are there to pick me up and give me hope or hugs each time. I'd be a wreck without them. Hoping we can do the same for you both. X

Bronte - Yey for af! get that IVF party started girl! So excited for you. I can't imagine how you're feeling, all over the place? TTC again is going to be one roller coaster but we all love them right?! Whatever it's like we are here to hold your hand all the way through it :friends: You always seem to be the voice of reason in here, but very kind and understanding at the same time. I'll do my best to return that. Xxx

Aayla - epic temps btw! Have you poas yet?

AFM - 8 DPO and dying to test but I know there's no point. I think it's because I had a wierd episode yesterday morning. Was cleaning out the catlitter and massively dry heaved several times. That's never happened before, infact I can't remember the last time I dry heaved, must be a very very long time ago. But then I was only 7 DPO and I know that is just too early for anything. Just need to accept I must have been a touch 'sensitive' yesterday! :haha::dohh: just my body messing with my head!


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## Aayla

Oh yeah. i tested this morning, 5dpo. I have another thread that loves the test porn. :haha: and I couldn't help myself. I will test every day now. Because..why the heck not. Yeah, I was surprised my my temp spike this morning. Hope it stays high. 

Mrs U, make to wear a mask when doing the litter or better yet...this is now a job for DH. Kitty poop can have a disease that can be airborn and it causes birth defects. It's like pulling teeth to get my hubby to do it. We have 4 kitties so it needs to be changed often. I'm going to have to change to one with a hood so it isn't so air born as it sits in our bathroom (we live in a small apt and so that is the only place for it to go).


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## mrs unicorn

Wow 4 cats! You must have your hands full! Although I know they calm down once adults. DH does empty it but sometimes our little fluff ball likes to wait for him to leave for work, then do it! I work from home so I'm not leaving it there all day! He's only 16 weeks at the moment but I'm hoping soon, maybe in a couple of months, he'll go outside. I might get a mask or something (haha! Sounds totally overkill doesn't it)

Is your thread in the testing section? Would quite like to follow it!


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## Aayla

No but I should make one. Everyone loves to follow test porn. lol


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## Aayla

ok..I made a testing thread in the pregnancy test section. :haha:


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## beemeck

Mrs. u - my experience with nausea was at 7dpo this cycle .... Keeping my fingers crossed for you and everyone else !

Bronte - honestly SO excited for ivf for you !!! Eeeeeeek!!!


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## BronteForever

Thank you all for the well wishes. It means alot.

mrs u - you and this group has already been a huge support for me. I'm not entirely sure how I will make it through without you ladies. I love my husband dearly, but he's not the best when under stress, especially anything medical related. When stuff is out of his control and he doesn't know how to fix it, he kind of loses it. He joined a Reddit IVF group and it's mostly just a bunch of women and him, but I told him it might be helpful if he posts in there to get some support, since it's going to be hard on us both and when that happens it's harder for each of us to support one another. So you all are going to be needed more than you can possibly know, just by being there. So thank you so much!!

And the only reason I probably sound remotely like a voice of reason is because I haven't really felt like I've been TTC. Now that I'm officially joining you all, I'll be a mess as well  I need to stock up on my pregnancy tests!

Really hoping the notice of smells is a positive sign and this is your cycle!! Good luck.

Aayla - good luck. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.


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## beccabonny

Aayla - I think you're right! I've been relying on just "Clue" and I notice some of you use multiple apps along with the tracking, so I'll jump on the bandwagon and see what happens. I really appreciate your kind words and won't hesitate to ask anything that comes to mind! I've already learned so much! I'll be stalking your journal shortly :)


Starlight, thanks for the welcome! I appreciate it. Maybe we'll end up getting our BFPs together! It's so nice to not have that feeling of isolation anymore.

Bronte - I look forward to reading your journal! I'm slowly but surely reading everyone's journey who is posting and I'm just right there with ya'll every step from the first post. I'm kicking myself for not finding this group sooner! I've been telling my SO I feel so alone for so long, and it's not his fault he doesn't understand. Hugs back!

Mrs U - Thanks for the welcome! You ladies are so kind and inclusive, and I hope I can also make people feel the same as a member of the group. I think we are all in the unique position of being able to understand those highs and lows every single cycle and even though they might be the same, they feel new every time. I have such a feeling of hope being here now, just being able to write about it and read about everyone. Exciting about the smell sensitivity!! That was one of my first symptoms last year!! 

On the subject of cat boxes, Aayla's right about using the mask and gloves as well if you're cleaning it out. When I'm pg again I will continue to clean my cat box (only the one kitty) myself as my SO can't do it (long story). Before the MC, my obgyn told me two things. First, since I have a history of working with animals, there's a chance I have had the disease in the past and thus can't catch an active case of it again, which would mean no risk of birth defects. I had bloodwork orders to test for it when the MC happened and didn't follow through. Second, toxoplasmosis does not become infective until 1-5 days after shed by the cat, so if the litter box is cleaned once or twice a day, you have minimal risk again. You can also catch this from gardening without gloves or dirty fruits and veggies.


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## BronteForever

becca - do what you feel comfortable with in terms of tracking and don't be afraid to change it up. I tried temping and found it didn't work for me. Some people think it's reassuring and helps them control at least one aspect of this process. It stressed me out trying to figure out when I needed to wake up each day to get the temps correct and then I became ultra focused on TTC, which made things much worse for me. You have to try what works for you. I just track my cycles and symptoms on "My Days" since it's a super easy free app. I've also done Fertility Friend, which most people use, but since I didn't temp much I decided to go for the easier one. Glow is supposedly nice as well. Just try it out. And do what you can do. Everyone is different. 

So glad you found this place then; it definitely helps to not feel alone. Excited to follow along on your journey!

Also, I totally just started my IVF journal, since I felt like I needed to get some stuff down before doing IVF, mostly for myself. But that's where I'll update alot of stuff, so I don't overwhelm all my threads. Anyone is welcome to follow along.


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## lesondemavie

Becca - So glad you came on over here to our little group xxx. Tracking could be a big help. If I just went off of my cycle length, I would have totally missed O. Unfortunately, that's just a small part of the battle but an important one. I whole-heartedly support the journal idea. I've really found it to be a great outlet for my emotions as I both grieve and navigate ttcal. Hope this group and a journal do the same for you <3

MrsU fingers crossed!

Oh and if anyone wants to be added to the wall of inspiration on the first page just let me know :)


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - totally following your journal!

Les - hope you're feeling good about this cycle sweetie.

Becca - ditto what the girls say. Get charting for a bit, bbt and opks then you'll quickly learn when you ovulate. If you're fairly regular then you have the option to stop if you fancy it. I stopped charting and got my bfp, went back to it after the MMC just to make sure all has gone back to normal and now I'm slowly stopping it. I'm fairly regular cd12-14 but mostly cd13 so I've stopped temping now and I'll probably not do opks next cycle either.

Aayla - good luck with the testing. I broke and did an IC, nothing yet but it's only 9 DPO. Not feeling overly positive though.

Bee - hope you're doing well Hun. I'm always checking in on your journal, not long till your scan now! Xx


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## Aayla

Does any one know the sensitivity of the wondfos? I keep seeing conflicting reports. Some it detects bfps under 10 Miu and other sources say it won't detect until 25 Miu.


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## mrs unicorn

I don't know Aayla. I use one step ICs and they are supposed to be 10miu but I'm sceptical because they are so cheap.


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## lesondemavie

Wondfos are sensitive so I'd guess 10 mlu and I've seen a lot of false positives on them.

Btw MrsU I think you're right about my breakouts...definitely hormonal. My face is totally clear now, but I bet I'll break out again in the tww. I think my cycles were just so short before that it felt like it never stopped.


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## beemeck

aayla I would guess 10miu also. I used wondfos and my 11dpo line was DARK.


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## raine87

Started AF last night.......4 days early. I guess I would rather it be 4 days early than 4 days late and get my hopes up.


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## lesondemavie

Sorry raine xxx. Not far behind me. Here's hoping for sunnier days ahead <3


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## BronteForever

So sorry Raine. It probably is more relaxing starting earlier rather than later, so you don't get your hopes up. 4 days early is a bit of a jump though. Have you gotten those in the past?


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## Aayla

Rain: Sorry to hear af got you. But I would also rather it be early than late. 

I know this batch of wondfo doesn't give false positive or evaps as I used 2 when I knew for sure I wasn't pregnant and weeks later they are still stark white. Quite impressed cause even the frer turn a gross yellow and show the indent line after a day or so.

Here is today's test. 7dpo. Fmu
 



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## BronteForever

Ooh Aayla. Fingers crossed. I can't see anything, but I hardly ever see squinters because my eyes are horrible. Hope it's a positive for you!


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## Starlight288

Aayla said:


> Rain: Sorry to hear af got you. But I would also rather it be early than late.
> 
> I know this batch of wondfo doesn't give false positive or evaps as I used 2 when I knew for sure I wasn't pregnant and weeks later they are still stark white. Quite impressed cause even the frer turn a gross yellow and show the indent line after a day or so.
> 
> Here is today's test. 7dpo. Fmu

Crossing my fingers for you that it'll be positive soon!!!


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## raine87

Every once in a whole I will get AF early like this. I think my body is still adjusting to the metformin. Plus I know it takes a while for your body to bounce back anyways from a mc and d&c. I'm trying not to focus on ttc too much right now since I've been really focused on losing some weight. I'm down 21lbs. I see this as an opportunity to have another month to get more weight off of me.


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## Aayla

congrats on the weight loss!! 21 lbs is awesome!!


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## Starlight288

raine87 said:


> Every once in a whole I will get AF early like this. I think my body is still adjusting to the metformin. Plus I know it takes a while for your body to bounce back anyways from a mc and d&c. I'm trying not to focus on ttc too much right now since I've been really focused on losing some weight. I'm down 21lbs. I see this as an opportunity to have another month to get more weight off of me.

That's awesome!! Good for you!! I wish I could lose some! We've been walking every night and I don't see too many results yet!


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## BronteForever

Raine - wow that's an awesome job. Congrats. I've been trying to work on my health a lot and lose some weight as well. What's been working for you. I was on the 21 day fix plan but currently all I want to eat is sweets, sweets, and more sweets (they are a bit of a comfort food for me). 

I don't know much about meteformin but someone else on one of the threads I belong to (which is a weight loss one actually) just said it made her cycles longer. So it definetly must mess with that. Hope it helps in the long term.


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## lesondemavie

Raine - That is fantastic! Congrats <3

Star - For a while, I was running 20 miles a week and not losing a single pound. So frustrating right! I was ok with that at the time bc my goal weight was just 3 lbs away. Now I'm barely doing any exercise, and I'm the exact same weight. I think for me at least it's my net caloric intake that matters. I tracked my calories (what I put in and what I burned) for quite a few years, dropped 8 lbs, formed good habits/made better choices, and I've kept it off. I thought I was a healthy eater, but the calories in some foods astounded me. My best friend put on a ton of weight with her baby and went back to kickboxing twice a day but still wasn't losing weight. I kept reminding her about calorie tracking, but she really didn't like the idea of it - which I totally get. She finally caved and tried it and now she's almost back to her pre-baby weight.

Bronte - Would some fresh fruit with a bit of honey and some dark chocolate chips scratch that itch? Mmmm now I might have to have some dessert today. I'm craving ice cream bc it is so hot here right now. I keep meaning to buy a churner so I can control what's in it, but it's at the bottom of our house list right now.

I think overall though we just need to do our best to be healthy and love our bodies as they are. We talked about this a bit before...I still have to work way harder on that. I definitely don't want to pass the same body image issues on down to a daughter one day. Any tips on how to love your body more?


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> Raine - That is fantastic! Congrats <3
> 
> Star - For a while, I was running 20 miles a week and not losing a single pound. So frustrating right! I was ok with that at the time bc my goal weight was just 3 lbs away. Now I'm barely doing any exercise, and I'm the exact same weight. I think for me at least it's my net caloric intake that matters. I tracked my calories (what I put in and what I burned) for quite a few years, dropped 8 lbs, formed good habits/made better choices, and I've kept it off. I thought I was a healthy eater, but the calories in some foods astounded me. My best friend put on a ton of weight with her baby and went back to kickboxing twice a day but still wasn't losing weight. I kept reminding her about calorie tracking, but she really didn't like the idea of it - which I totally get. She finally caved and tried it and now she's almost back to her pre-baby weight.
> 
> Bronte - Would some fresh fruit with a bit of honey and some dark chocolate chips scratch that itch? Mmmm now I might have to have some dessert today. I'm craving ice cream bc it is so hot here right now. I keep meaning to buy a churner so I can control what's in it, but it's at the bottom of our house list right now.
> 
> I think overall though we just need to do our best to be healthy and love our bodies as they are. We talked about this a bit before...I still have to work way harder on that. I definitely don't want to pass the same body image issues on down to a daughter one day. Any tips on how to love your body more?

Thanks Les. I'll look into that a little more. I feel I've really cut back since tyring to lose. Maybe I should look a little more at my calorie intake!


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## lesondemavie

Starlight288 said:


> Thanks Les. I'll look into that a little more. I feel I've really cut back since tyring to lose. Maybe I should look a little more at my calorie intake!

I use myfitnesspal. Add me if you join up and we can cheer each other on. My user ID on there is CoCoCA. I've been slacking, but coincidentally just started back up this morning :).


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## BronteForever

Les is right that foods are so important. I was working out 6 days a week during roller derby and some pretty intense 3 hour practices but didn't lose anything (toned up quite a bit but still). But now I've lost some on the 21 day fix stuff even though I'm working out less but I'm eating much better. I like that better for me because it's portion control and finding the right combo of foods which is easier than calorie counting for me. I actually wasn't eating that many calories but I was horrible at getting protein and eating enough veggies. So it's helpful for me to track all the different types of foods I should be eating and it's really helped take pounds off. Plus water, water and more water. 

I was eating dark chocolate with nuts or dried fruits or fresh fruits. I ran out though. But yes that does help a ton. But around period time I get a massive sweet tooth, more than normal. It's hard to resist. I just made peanut butter cookies. Oops. It was a small pan though. And I'm giving myself a bit of a break since the next few weeks might be stressful.


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## BronteForever

Oh and I have no clue how we are supposed to live our bodies more. It's probably harder that you live in CA. Not only the general culture but you can't cover up as much  you look great in all your photos though!


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## lesondemavie

I feel you on those end of cycle cravings. The progesterone way ramped that symptom up. I had chicken strips for the first time in ages. I just wanted anything and everything fried.

Haha true on where I live, but I wear jeans most of summer and hardly go to the beach :haha:. I think my last visit to a beach was actually in the Galapagos last year, and then I had on shorts and a rash guard. My last day at a beach in CA was probably 7 or 8 years ago. The general culture of thinking everyone should be beach ready at any moment, and always tanned perfectly probably doesn't help though.


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## mrs unicorn

Rained - sorry af arrived. X

Aayla - fx for you.

I agree on the weight loss thing. You can exercise till the cows come home but if your diet is off it won't make a difference. I realised this when I was trying to loose weight for our wedding. I switched my diet up to a clean and lean type one - you eat a reasonable amount but the right stuff - and I didn't exercise for 2 months. I lost half of what I wanted to loose (which wasn't a lot) then I started doing a bit of cardio (I mean a bit because I hate it) weights and yoga/strength stuff and lost the remainder in the last 2 months. I had a great week back on this but I've slipped again. I'll be back on it next week.

How do we love our bodies? It's a hard one. I've never had any kind of role model for that. My mum is the opposite. She had a gastric band fitted 10 years ago, she told me the day before the surgery because she knew I'd try to talk her out of it. Since then she's had no end of problems. Her weight has still yo-yo'd because she eats poorly, she's on sooooo much medication her liver is struggling. She's at the doctors every fortnight for something else. It's infuriating. At the moment she hasn't been able to keep anything other than liquid down for 4 weeks. The doctors don't know what to suggest because clearly it should be removed but she won't have it taken out. She thinks it just needs a little bit of the liquid removed but I think it's slipped / part of her stomach has actually come back up through it, because the band is only half full anyway. Then she told me she'd ordered some syringes of eBay so she can remove some of the liquid herself!! I hit the roof! She won't listen though. She'll end up in an early grave because of this. Yeah, so this week hasn't exactly been a relaxed one - should have known miracles don't happen, we've always had a strained relationship.

Oh and also, bfn today, totally hacked off at the moment!


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## mrs unicorn

Oh and my little baby boy kitten was stung by a bee yesterday. It was his fault, he pounced on it. The sting wasn't in him but his paw swelled up so we had to take him to the vets. They gave him a steroid shot and he seems great this morning, no more puffy paw!


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## raine87

I've been doing kickboxing and watching my calorie intake. I have a few girls from work who are also doing it so that helps. Honestly though, if I want something I just eat it, otherwise I just think about it constantly. I also wear a fitbit and am competitive with the same girls from work on who has the most steps. I usually don't win but every once in a while I do. But in general I just try to make better choices on what I eat and try to work out at least 3 times a week and try to get my 10,000 steps in but that rarely happens.

Mrs. U- sorry about your cat. Hope he feels ok.


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## BronteForever

Les - I have no clue what a rash guard is but I'm intrigued by the name  even if you aren't in shorts or beach weather, it definetly makes it more challenging there I'm sure. Good luck. I do think it's great you want to pass along a positive body image to your girls. 

Mrs U - goodness you sound like you have had a rough week. So sorry about your kitten. Hope he's okay. Your mom's situation sounds hard to deal with. I'm sure you want to help her and offer her advice but she's your mother and that's always challenging. Plus sounds like she doesn't want to follow any anyway. The only thing I'm sure you can do is just remain to be there for her. Man that has to be tough though. Hope she allows them to fix it so she can get better. 

Raine - kickboxing sounds fun and a great workout. It's so much more entertaining and enjoyable when you can workout with friends. That's why I always preferred sports to solo workouts.


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## lesondemavie

Raine - That sounds perfect. It really does help to have a friend or group to keep you going.

MrsU - That sounds awful. I'm so sorry xxx. I worry about my mother too. She would never get a band or anything, but she is overweight, has diabetes, and is on more medication than I can count. She doesn't get how her food choices impact her, and she can barely walk for 15 minutes now without needing a break. The osteoporosis and neuropathy in her feet are a bad combo. She broke her foot twice. A few years back she announced that her doctor said she could no longer eat vegetables. Say what??? It's so strange bc she's the one who taught me to eat healthy in the first place. My SIL tries to get after her or scheme on how to help her, but honestly I don't think she wants help. With my brother, I had to learn that I can't control her or change her mind. My mother makes decisions based on how she feels. I love her, and I worry about her, but I don't want to spend our time bickering.

Bronte - Here we are snorkeling in the Galapagos with rash guards on :).



Oh and I also cracked and had speculoos ice cream last night. It's supposed to be record breaking heat again this weekend, so I figured we might want something cold in the freezer to eat &#128518;


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## mrs unicorn

You lot are wonderful! I hope you know that. Sorry I was on a proper rant this morning. It's just so frustrating to see someone you care about hurt themselves repeatedly, and I know some of you if not all, know exactly how hard that is. I'm also fairly grumpy about this cycle which doesn't help. I'll test tomorrow but that's it then. Oh and I'm grumpy about the UK leaving the EU, not the way I voted!!


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## lesondemavie

Oh I know! I can't believe that passed MrsU!!!


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## BronteForever

Les - so is it the shirt then? You can tell how much I swim in the ocean, right?  It looks intriguing and your trip looks like it was a ton of fun. Going to the Galapagos would likely be a dream vacation for my husband.

So sorry you have to worry about your mother as well. Sadly, there is probably not much that you can do. I'm curious what the vegetable thing is about. My husband actually is on coumadin after his heart surgery and does have to watch his leafy green vegetable intake. The Vitamin K helps in the clotting process and if he eats too much it counteracts his meds and can be dangerous if his blood isn't thin enough. I think it is something that's fairly common for people with heart issues, diabetes, etc., since they do want the blood thin enough to pass through the body (in his case he has an artificial heart valve now so will have to be on it for life). Anyway, it was a whole adjustment when he had to be on it, and harder since he's vegetarian but they can usually adjust meds around it. But in that case it's only certain veggies.

mrs u - I was curious how you felt about that decision to leave the EU. I haven't been following much about it, but trying to read some stuff today. Crazy.


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## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> You lot are wonderful! I hope you know that. Sorry I was on a proper rant this morning. It's just so frustrating to see someone you care about hurt themselves repeatedly, and I know some of you if not all, know exactly how hard that is. I'm also fairly grumpy about this cycle which doesn't help. I'll test tomorrow but that's it then. Oh and I'm grumpy about the UK leaving the EU, not the way I voted!!

Me too me too. Stupid stupid uk


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - Haha yes the shirts are rash guards :). It was such a wonderful vacation. You should definitely take your hubby out there if you can. We were out hiking and snorkeling every day from start to end. We went there for a week and then backpacked the Inca Trail the week after. I came back so refreshed and in fantastic shape. I wish I could live my life like that...super active and out in nature every day. We only saw the south bit. Would love to go back and see the north/west.


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## BronteForever

Les - it sounds fabulous. My husband would love it. And you looked great in the rash guard regardless


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## mrs unicorn

Argh another bfn today. Fairly certain I'm out now. I'll test tomorrow as I'm not 100% on my o day (I forgot about those 3 + opks!) Really hacked off that it's taking longer than before but I always told myself it would. I shouldn't expect it to happen as quickly as before...but it's still crap. I don't count the cycle of the MMC because it makes me feel better, that's one less, but really we know the timing was right so... Oh well, onto another cycle we go.


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## Aayla

That sucks Mrs. U. I thought it would have taken 3 cycles like the first time too. and our last cycle in Jan I had it timed perfectly. It's so hard to keep going sometimes. But they say that if everything is timed perfectly a couple should get pregnant within a year. I figure that I got pregnant once, then if I am pregnant now it has been almost a year since my last one. It's been a long year though.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - that is tough. A year is a very long time to wait, I really hope this is the cycle for you. I've been following your thread so fx you get a lovely pink line soon. I know we were lucky that it was only 3 cycles last time but that 'luck' didn't result in anything. It's so disappointing when you know the timing is right, I'm sure we all feel that. I'm not too down about it, maybe I'm getting a thicker skin!


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## Aayla

Richees?? Where you at? You okay? Hope all is well? did you ever end up testing?


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## BronteForever

Mrs u - I just want to hug you. Hang in there. It's still a bit early so hopefully you see something tomorrow. You will get there eventually, I'm very confident. Just wish it didn't take so long either. Being in limbo is the worst part I think. You are so ready to move forward and you can't do anything to make it happen apart for trying your best. It sucks. Wish we could just snap our fingers and be pregnant. 

Aayla - did you test today. I haven't seen yet. Good luck. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Every symptom is sounding promising. Any breast tenderness yet? That was the biggest symptom I noticed on my BFP. Everyone is different though, I know. What was yours from before?

Richieesmom - yes I really hope you are alright. Sending you love. I'm also anxious to hear your results and what's going on in your life. Hugs.


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## Aayla

9dpo, fmu. Taken in the dark with flash. In the pic I totally see something but it hard to see clearly in RL. I keep seeing a flash of something. But my eyes are still tired. 

No tenderness really but they have a burning tingly feeling from the top down into my nips. Most of the symptoms I have I also had with the other but the difference with this one is the constant nausea I feel. I had one day of nausea and dizziness last time. This time it has been constant since 6dpo.
 



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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - that's exactly it. We're so ready to move forward and it feels like you're running into a brick wall every month. I'm not 100% sure I'll test again, I'll see how I feel in the morning. I don't feel anything when I see bfn each day but it's a few hours later I get so sad fearing I'll never see those 2 lines again. I just can't visualise it anymore....I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow once I've accepted it.

I commented in your journal, but high 5 for the first step!! You must be a bundle of emotions at the moment. Hope they are mainly happiness and excitement!

Aayla - hard to tell with that one. I think I can make second line out but you are still very early so plenty of time for it to darken up!


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## Aayla

Here it is cropped amd with the negative effect on my phone
 



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## mrs unicorn

Yeah I can just about see it there too. I'm always nervous to say it's definitely a second line because I had one like that, also inverted, and it was bfn. So I'd hate to get your hopes up and the same thing happen to you. Hopefully it won't though!


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## Aayla

this was exactly how it was at 10dpo with my last one. So now to wait, if I can, 2 days until monday to test. Hopefully something will pop up then. It will be so hard not to test with a frer tomorrow.


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## BronteForever

Ooh - hope it's positive Aayla. This is sounding promising. Especially since you are having symptoms. It's so hard to tell. The brain can play tricks on us. I still can't see anything but if it's to the point where I can see it, it's a definite positive. Since lots others can that is a very good sign especially since it's still early. Fingers crossed for you. 

Mrs U - ugh. It is so hard. I had to stop testing after awhile because it was just too much. It's not going to change anything anyway. You are either pregnant or you're not. It's exciting to know for sure but at some point sanity has to prevail. For me, stopping the testing helped. Everyone is different. Good luck. 

And thank you. It was a big step today and I'm excited! Now I need to find something to pass the time. I might paint a piece of furniture which is one of my least favorite activities. But I've been meaning to do it for awhile.


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## Starlight288

I can see something in first one, very faint. In the negative I do see something. Hope it gets darker and its your month!!


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## lesondemavie

Aayla - I'm super conservative with lines, so until I see color I stay cautiously optimistic. Fx in two days it's a clear, beautiful BFP!

MrsU - Sorry on the bfn hun xxx. Sending some love and hope your way.

Yay Bronte! So excited for you &#128522;


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## raine87

I'm a bad judge of tests. I swear I see a line on any one I see. I guess I just want there to be a line there for any one.


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## mrs unicorn

Just thought I'd update, bfn today so not testing again. Af is due Thursday so onto cycle 4 (or 5) we go. Urgh, really hope this doesn't go on for too long now. I'm starting to resent it. Had a bit of a meltdown this morning. Fully blubbering infront of DH. I normally do that alone, it's hard for him too and I don't want to make it worse. I wish TTC wasn't so miserable. Anyway I'm normally in a better mood by the time af arrives.


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## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> Just thought I'd update, bfn today so not testing again. Af is due Thursday so onto cycle 4 (or 5) we go. Urgh, really hope this doesn't go on for too long now. I'm starting to resent it. Had a bit of a meltdown this morning. Fully blubbering infront of DH. I normally do that alone, it's hard for him too and I don't want to make it worse. I wish TTC wasn't so miserable. Anyway I'm normally in a better mood by the time af arrives.

I feel very similar when I keep getting BFN and then when AF comes in slightly received to stop guessing. It took me 6 months after first MC to get pregnant again (chemical) but this cycle is my second (after CP) and my last with clomid so I'm a little concerned that this is it - if this doesn't work then it's just not happening :(


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## mrs unicorn

Km - sorry it's been (as is) so tough for you. I guess in a way it's comforting to hear from other people in similar situations, it's why we're on this site, but at the same time it's not because it's just awful. How come it is your last cycle of clomid? Are you only allowed to be on it a certain amount of time?

I do this every cycle because I hate it. I hate how my life is and has been since the MMC. I don't think I'll be someone who can go on for years TTC. I obsess too much, it takes over and I'm not prepared to live like this for years on end. And NTNP will never work because of that. At the moment I'm thinking if it hasn't happened by the end of this year I'm throwing in the towel and going back on the pill, and won't TTC again. Even waiting till then feels like a long time but I feel I owe it to myself and DH to give it over a year. Not sure how he feels but he's not exactly happy anymore either.


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## BronteForever

Mrs U - I'm so sorry you got another BFN. Hugs. That sucks. So wish it will happen soon for you. And the TWW are the worst. Because it's being in amplified limbo. You are already stressed about when it might happen and then on top of it you get to question if it's going to be this month or not. It really is the worst. You are stronger then you think. I really really hope it doesn't take you very long at all. But I will say as time went on for me it got a bit easier. It's sad because you come to expect the negative which means you don't focus on it nearly as much and means you don't want to buy pregnancy tests. Really the more you go in this process. Honestly the easier it gets. At least that's been my take. Granted it's annoying it's taking so long but you slowly accept it and get back to living your life more and more. Then if it doesn't happen naturally you can always entertain assisted conception. Normally there are a ton of easier fixes that can be done that might just do the trick. So basically really really hope it doesn't come to that. But you will be amazed what you can put yourself through and what you can endure. I promise it gets easier eventually. You are already sounding like month by month it's getting a bit easier. Getting back into your fitness routine again will help as well I think. You can do this!!

Km - so sorry this is your last Clomid cycle. Really hope this works for you then. Since they put you on that does that mean you aren't ovulating at all or do they know exactly what your issue might be? I need to catch up on your story.


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## Aayla

I feel like throwing in the towel so much. Especially during the tww. I hate that body could be playing tricks on me and maybe I am not pregnant. Last cycle I got loads of squinter grey lines on frers and af came right on time. Loads of symptoms too. 

My friend gave me a couple of tests so of course I used them. BFN. What is funny is I think I see a squinter on the hospital issued one which is 20 Miu but the frer is blank. 

So now I have to wait a few more days.


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## BronteForever

So sorry Aayla. It is early still. Hang in there. I could have sworn I was pregnant several months as well. The mind is a funny thing when you want something bad enough. If you can hold out longer to test again that really might help. Trying to squint to see a line I think makes it worse. Lighting can trick your mind. I look at images all day at work and if you stare at something long enough you can pretty much see anything you want. It's not healthy to do that. So take two steps back from it if you can. I know it's so hard. If you are pregnant you are pregnant and if you aren't then you aren't. No amount of peeing is going to change that. It sounds like it's only making it worse. Hugs and hang in there.


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## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> Km - sorry it's been (as is) so tough for you. I guess in a way it's comforting to hear from other people in similar situations, it's why we're on this site, but at the same time it's not because it's just awful. How come it is your last cycle of clomid? Are you only allowed to be on it a certain amount of time?
> 
> I do this every cycle because I hate it. I hate how my life is and has been since the MMC. I don't think I'll be someone who can go on for years TTC. I obsess too much, it takes over and I'm not prepared to live like this for years on end. And NTNP will never work because of that. At the moment I'm thinking if it hasn't happened by the end of this year I'm throwing in the towel and going back on the pill, and won't TTC again. Even waiting till then feels like a long time but I feel I owe it to myself and DH to give it over a year. Not sure how he feels but he's not exactly happy anymore either.

I feel exactly like this just before AF every cycle but by the time she's gone I'm ready to try again. TWW is not good for mental health. You dream of positives and get repeatedly let now. Don't give up just yet. How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

I'm gonna post my story in a minute, will try to be succinct


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## kmpreston

Right I've been asked a couple of questions now so I'm gonna try to answer them all at once with my story :thumbup:

Prior to getting together with DH I had some symptoms suspicious of PCOS- random weight gain and increasingly irregular periods between the ages of 16 and 19. By 19 I went on the pill to regulate my cycle and take some control over AF in holiday times. I stopped taking the pill (ran out) about 12 months later but didn't have a period for 5 months. And gained 18lb. So I went to the doctor who was suspicious of PCOS. She referred me for a scan but I never got the appointment letter. I go more pill and went back on it. Potential PCOS was always at the back of my mind but I ignored it.

My DH Dayne and I got married 25th July 2014. We knew we wanted to try immediately so I stopped taking the pill 12th July when my packet finished. First AF after this arrived 6 weeks later. Since then I have been charting on FF to keep track of my cycles 

My September and October 2014 cycles were weird. I got temp rises, positive OPKs and appeared to have 35-40 day cycles ovulating around days 24-27. I was slightly concerned but took this to mean the pill was still affecting Me. I stopped temping at this stage as it was stressing me out. My December cycle lasted 78 days. In this time I got several faint positives but then nothing beyond that. The doc referred me for an ultrasound for PCOS

February 2015 cycle was 39 days and my temps did not show a clear ovulation pattern but I did get positive OPKs. My LP was 19 days. I decided to start taking soy isoflavones 

May-June I had three ovulatory cycles but they were still long and O was still late (days 19-25). By this time we had been TTC completely unless fully so we were sent to a specialist. So I gave up temping from July 2015

Over last summer we had all the testing done
- my hormones were out of whack (can't remember what)
- sperm count and motility fine
- ultrasound showed multiple cysts on my ovaries 
- hsg showed two functioning tubes

By September I was on 50mg clomid. This first cycle I ovulated day 19 and my progesterone test was day 21. The doc said I didn't ovulate based on this but I did, just didn't ovulate on time. AF came on time.

October cycle I was on 100mg clomid. Ovulated day 18. Went to day 21 test "you haven't ovulated"....:dohh: I had. But decided next time id just go for tests 7 days after O

November cycle I ovulated day 16, went for progesterone day 23 (guess what, positive, levels were at 68). This cycle was my first BFP (11dpo) but I had a miscarriage at 5 weeks from LMP. Went to the hospital and it was all confirmed. 

Started taking clomid the day it was confirmed and ovulated day 18. Didn't bother having bloods. Did the same in January cycle. 

Saw my specialist in Feb who gave me 3 more months of clomid (making 9 in total). He said he would see me again in June and look into assisted conception if still no pregnancy. Missed clomid out in March to avoid early pregnancy in Disney world (still ovulated say 18).

April and May I took clomid again, ovulated day 18 and 17 respectively. May cycle I got a BFP 10dpo and continued to get faint BFP until three days after AF was due - chemical. Took a whole to get this confirmed so missed clomid in late May/June cycle (still ovulated but day 22) so now I am taking my last pack this time. 

So after two years TTC I am basically waiting to be told I'm having IVF which seems ridiculous as I do ovulate and Dayne is fine but there's a limited time you can take clomid for and I've already passed that :dohh:

Wow. Sorry, this is crazy long!

Ps - I'm 28


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## BronteForever

Km - thanks so much for sharing. It's nice to get caught up so we can help cheer you on moving forward. 

You have been through so much already. Hugs. I wish it wasn't so hard for us ladies. I really hope you don't need IVF. It was really my only assisted conception option since I have no more functional tubes and needed to bypass that area completely. I was super nervous and scared to even get started on that process. But if it comes to that for you, you can totally handle it. It's really not that bad. You have already been through a ton and as soon as we got started it almost felt like a relief that we were finally doing something that's giving us the best possible shot at having a kid. Even if everything aligns perfectly trying naturally can never give you the potential success rate of any given cycle that IVF can. Just because so many things have to be just right to happen. That's all taken out of the equation with IVF. 

If they refer you, do you need to get on a waiting list there then? I'm not terribly familiar with the exact NHS system as it relates to IVF since it's completely different here in the states. 

Good luck. Hope it doesn't come to that. But if it does we will be here to still help cheer you on. And if you have questions about anything, don't hesitate to ask. I might not know a ton about IVF there but I have learned lots going through this process already.


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## kmpreston

BronteForever said:


> Km - thanks so much for sharing. It's nice to get caught up so we can help cheer you on moving forward.
> 
> You have been through so much already. Hugs. I wish it wasn't so hard for us ladies. I really hope you don't need IVF. It was really my only assisted conception option since I have no more functional tubes and needed to bypass that area completely. I was super nervous and scared to even get started on that process. But if it comes to that for you, you can totally handle it. It's really not that bad. You have already been through a ton and as soon as we got started it almost felt like a relief that we were finally doing something that's giving us the best possible shot at having a kid. Even if everything aligns perfectly trying naturally can never give you the potential success rate of any given cycle that IVF can. Just because so many things have to be just right to happen. That's all taken out of the equation with IVF.
> 
> If they refer you, do you need to get on a waiting list there then? I'm not terribly familiar with the exact NHS system as it relates to IVF since it's completely different here in the states.
> 
> Good luck. Hope it doesn't come to that. But if it does we will be here to still help cheer you on. And if you have questions about anything, don't hesitate to ask. I might not know a ton about IVF there but I have learned lots going through this process already.

From my understanding of it...
- you cannot be referred til you hit two years
- after two years they cannot refuse to refer you
- once referred (8th July for me) I should receive the paper works within a week and be at the clinic within 6 weeks
- clinic do tests for one cycle
- talk you through options
- tell you to ring on the first day of your next period once it's been decide to go ahead
- they will tell you that day if you're starting your IVF or if you need to ring next cycle 

So all being well I should be starting my first IVF cycle by the end of September but it could be a bit longer


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## BronteForever

Km - really hope it proceeds quickly for you then. That's actually not too bad at all. It took me about 4 months from first appointment to start time. But a lot of that was waiting due to a trip and getting myself healthier. Plus if they pay for it that's a huge burden lifter. That was a struggle for me personally since mine is all out of pocket and there were a bunch of choices to determine what all we wanted to pay for upfront given the likelihood of how it would proceed. Honestly that's been the hardest part for me. The actual IVF, shots, and stuff haven't been that hard for me to process at all...yet.


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks for the pep talk girls. I guess I feel I need an end to it that's in my control. I think I'll feel better then, I'll cope better over the next few months. If I can just cope better I think id be ok never going on bcp again and NTNP if that times comes. I really want to be the person that doesn't feel the urge to poas too. But I'm not there yet. DH said to me 'it won't be like this forever' and I know it won't be but I can't be thinking that it'll end in a pregnancy during the next few months. I'll try my best to chill the f*** out from now on. 

Km - that is one long complicated journey. I really hope it doesn't get to IVF for you, but if it does i know Bronte will be able to help you from her experience. And of course we'll all be here to support and cheer you on.

Aayla - sorry the testing is a nightmare. It really is crap. You're still early though, yes?


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## Aayla

KM: what a journey. and this is why I love this forum. because i finally have people to talk to that know what this is all about. and yet I wish some days I was the only one because I wouldn't wish this on anyone. FX this cycle of clomid works. 

Mrs U: oh yeah. it is still early. I'm only 10dpo today. I expect it will just be like last time and a frer won't be positive until 13dpo. And that's just assuming that I implanted on 6dpo and my hcg was at 1 to start (which, when I get bloods done to check my negatives are always less than 1). So today I am likely only at 4 miu. maybe a tad more. and it won't be until 13dpo that I am around enough to really show a line. I honestly thought I would show sooner as my af is now 4 or 5 days away. Didn't think I would have to wait until I was 2 days prior to af.


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## BronteForever

Mrs U - it's perfectly fine to feel that way right now. This all sucks and you need to give yourself permission to feel crappy. It's perfectly acceptable and completely normally. We have all wanted to throw the towel in at one point or another. Just know you are not alone and keep going forward. Each step you take it will eventually get easier, that's all I was trying to say. And please feel free to keep talking it out. It makes me feel better that we have all felt this way. In the next few weeks I'm prepared to be a raging b**** since I'm being pumped full of hormones my body isn't used too. I'm going to embrace my inner b****. So if you want to join me you can embrace your inner control freak.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - it's a huge comfort to hear that it gets easier as time goes on. It really is. I think I have been better as each cycle comes around, just need this end bit to sort itself out! I'm sure it'll come. Thanks for putting up with my stuck record - ness!! And yeah, you make sure you vent all you need to aswell. I imagine there will be such a lot going on hormonally and just plain emotionally for you, especially after all you've been through.

Aayla - fx that bfp shows its face over the next couple of days!! I'll be watching your thread like a hawk.

Km - forgot to say, I'm 30. 31 in September which is frighteningly close! I'd only just turned 30 when we started TTC (right after my skydive I got for my 30th pressie!)


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## beccabonny

Sorry for the length of this post. I will be on more frequently checking this thread in the future.

Raine - sorry to hear AF came early, like the others said better to have the wait cut short than get your hopes up any more than they usually are. And major congrats on the weight loss! 21lbs is amazing. I think being competitive with others is a great way to do it!

Bronte, I get where you&#8217;re coming from on the sweets! Luckily, if I can just have one bit and leave it alone, usually DH will take care of the rest. Yesterday I bought a pie at a local farmer&#8217;s market and had one small piece, told him the rest was his. The pie did not last through the evening. I am so envious of that metabolism! 

I think Les has a point with calorie tracking. For me, exercise is vital, but I have to be aware of what I&#8217;m eating because I have a habit of overdoing it. Always have been an emotional eater. Tracking it makes it harder to go crazy with it. It really does just come down to putting less calories in than you expend, it&#8217;s just so HARD to maintain that effort when life throws so many curve balls, and food is always there. 

As far as loving your body more, I sometimes struggle with that. One thing I remember is that no matter what size my body has been, I&#8217;ve always had issues and thus I need to work on my perceptions rather than hyper focus on what I think I need to fix. When I get down about it, I have to remind myself that I&#8217;m really subjecting myself to the unrealistic expectations of a photoshopped pop culture and if it was my job to look like those people and got paid to work out 8 hours a day, I&#8217;d be amazing at it. Sadly, I have to work a real job and sit down all day, and so I only fit in my hours as I can. 

The first time I lost my weight (weighed more than I do now in high school due to undiagnosed depression), I got down to a size 6 and still had no confidence. It wasn&#8217;t until I worked as a hostess at a fine dining restaurant and was forced to be the face of the restaurant I started learning to project that confidence I lacked. In &#8220;faking it&#8221; I actually did &#8220;make it.&#8221; Such a strange thing, but I think the reflection of my projected confidence I got from everyone around me in turn assured me that I was actually that confident, and my self esteem went way up. It hasn&#8217;t gone down since, except for the odd moment, despite the fact that I&#8217;ve at this point gained most of the weight back (factors being leaving my husband in 2011, diet, going off Rxs, mc). I still feel beautiful most of the time. I buy clothes that make me feel good. I get my nails done sometimes, or buy a cool paint that I like and makes me feel pretty. I get my hair done. All the girly things I never felt I deserved. I DO. We all do. It&#8217;s not shallow to me, it&#8217;s pampering. If I don&#8217;t make it to the gym, I at least go on a walk. I do something I&#8217;m good at. I remember how when I lived in LA all of the latino guys preferred curvy girls (despite the fact that external factors shouldn&#8217;t be the main influence on your self esteem, sometimes it&#8217;s nice to be called beautiful!). Sometimes, I look up plus size models and see how confident they look, and they aren&#8217;t &#8220;normal&#8221; body types, which reminds me all women are different, and all beautiful. I try to remember inspirational women in my life. My little sister went through the opposite end of the spectrum with anorexia, and she&#8217;s super healthy right now, but still has body issues, so maybe it&#8217;s something we can&#8217;t get away from, but I think being around other people who have found ways to cope with it can help - just being constantly reminded there are other things in life, as long as you&#8217;re living a healthy lifestyle you are doing the best you can and deserve to love yourself, what more can you do? 

I&#8217;m happy that I&#8217;ve stopped my upward swing in weight and can focus on bringing it down now, in a slow, healthy way - no more than 2lb/wk. I prefer weight lifting so I might actually gain first, but it shouldn&#8217;t be too much. I was trying to get in my 5 miles a day, but my knees have been injured in the last year and so I can&#8217;t cardio with them as much as I used to. 

Mrs U - so sorry about your BFN :( hugs to you! I&#8217;m sure it will happen soon! I&#8217;m glad your kitty is better. And yeah, what&#8217;s up with the EU Vote? Everyone I know voted the other way!!

aayla - I&#8217;ve just read through your journal in the last few days and what a journey you&#8217;ve been through so far! I know it must have been so hard, but I have my fx for you too that this is it!! Sorry it&#8217;s so frustrating.

km - i hope for your sake you can make it naturally! it seems strange they would go for IVF, but if you do, like bronte said, it takes away many of those factors we worry about. I&#8217;ll be following your story!


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## BronteForever

Very well said Becca. All of it. I'm overweight currently and have been for a lot of my life. But I've been so many different sizes and didn't feel really positive at any of them. But as I've gotten older, life itself has gotten easier to deal with and you just have to do the best you can and focus on what's important to you. I've never cared enough to get my weight down a lot because it's never caused me issues health wise thankfully. But I know that could change and potentially getting pregnant you do want to be healthy for the baby. So I do try. But I slip up every now and then because I'm also an emotional eater and I do get hormonal cravings. So I try not to dwell to much on it and just try again the next day. My husband lost almost 80 pounds and has kept it off for almost 8 years and he still says he feels bigger, even as a guy. So I think no matter what size you are so much of it truly is mental and just learning to like yourself as a whole. 

Anyway, good luck on your journey!


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## kmpreston

IVF does seem a strange route to send me down but the NHS works in weird ways and as I don't have to pay I can't complain so just gonna roll with it

Been proper cranky the last week or so and blamed AF and then In fact cranky is a total understatement. Been depressed, crying over nothing, snapping at everyone over nothing and just generally feeling miserable

Found out today that we have had a small gas leak this week. I actually think it's been going on for months but that I made it worse last weekend when clearing out the cutlery draw which is just below the hob (think I hit the pipe with a spatula trying to shut the draw). Anyway when we were telling my mother in law she said "oh Ye you said you could smell gas when we were doing the kitchen floor (September). So I'm a bit concerned that this has been going on since then and mixing with the air in our house!! 

Anyway one of the main signs of exposure to a small amount gas in the home is change in mood (along with headaches, check, depression, check, farigue, check!) so hopefully I'll be feeling a lot better from now!


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## BronteForever

Km - oh my goodness. How scary a gas leak must be since you can't see it at all. So glad you found it. But that's frightening not to know how long it's been going on. 

Hope that helps clear up everything with your symptoms and mood. 

And I also wondered why NHS wouldn't opt to do IUIs first. But I'm sure they have their reasons and while IVF I've heard is a bit more taxing because you have more meds and more monitoring, it does have a better success rate. So that's good at least. Good luck!


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## mrs unicorn

Km - that is scary! At least you're getting it sorted now. You could always get a carbon monoxide alarm, just for peace of mind in future. We bought some when we bought this house. DH has always been super paranoid about it, he used to freak out that he could smell gas when we lived in a flat with no gas supply - all electric! :haha: 

It's interesting to hear what the nhs recommend for you as I live in the uk too. I've heard IVF has a slightly better success rate than IUI so maybe they think it's best to jump to that?

Becca - well said indeed. Luckily I've never had trouble with my weight and, on the whole, have been OK with my body. If we book a holiday I always step up the exercise though. I guess this is the only time I've ever been unhappy with my body. I put on weight when I was pregnant, mainly because of the nausea (I was eating a lot of carbs!). And then we definitely comfort ate after the MMC. I don't hate it or anything but I wouldn't be comfortable putting on a bikini at the moment. But amazingly, the 2lbs I lost at the beginning of the month have stayed off. I'm so pleased, it's given me another boost to pick it all back up again!


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## mrs unicorn

So I called a private clinic today to find out how much hormone blood tests cost. They recommended to start with a test for AMH. Does anyone know much about this? I did a bit of googling and I think it's to assess what your egg reserve is like? Bronte did you have anything like this - I read you often have it before IUI/IVF? It's not expensive but they also said to try going through my GP first, although they will do without them. I'm not sure whether to bother, if I'm going to do it I kind of want to get everything tested, then I can either sort something or forget about it all.

I guess I'm having a hard time going into cycle #5 when it was only 3 before. And it is the 5th cycle, I'm not kidding myself anymore. We tried straight after the mmc and the timing was good so....:shrug:


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## mrs unicorn

Just called my GP surgery and the next available appointment is in 4 weeks! Ridiculous! Might as well give up on this for now!


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## beemeck

ugh mrsU - it's crazy how long it takes to get in anywhere nowadays!
I wanted to answer your question about the AMH. I had mine tested and yes you are right - it will tell you about your egg reserves. If the number were low, they would probably jump into other tests just because the lower the number, the "less time you have" but I think we are still talking years. If the number was normal, they would prob send you off unless you pressed them for more testing, but it sounds like over there if you were just pregnant (I know it seems like forever ago for sure!) then they might not do anything? you know me, I always am an advocate of testing and seeking answers, but it's not for everyone so do what feels right for you! :hugs:


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## mrs unicorn

thanks bee. I don't think I'm going to bother. The way I'm feeling at the moment I just don't care, I just want to feel better. We might have to take a break for a while (or forever), I just don't know what else to do, but I'm not prepared to keep myself in this situation for months on end feeling miserable.

Good luck for your scan this week. I'm sending you all the luck in the world hun. Hopefully it will bring you a lot of happiness and relief. xx


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## beemeck

thanks mrsu - I'm terrified but know that all of you ladies here understand more than anything. <3

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. It's so, so hard. I don't wish this on anybody. Bronte is so right about it getting easier. In a weird way, it's gets easier and harder at the same time. I became less obsessive in the 13 months post loss in took us to get pregnant, but more sad. It's just not sustainable to be that obsessed for that long - even if you wanted to be. so you don't think about it as much as time goes on, but I felt a more constant , always with me sadness that never left as opposed to the ups and downs with big sadness around AF time but then new hope. the hope honestly dropped off, but I also got back to normal life. so it has it's pros and cons, and no matter what - it's HARD. so very difficult. sending you and all of the other ladies on here hugs. :hugs: I know you'll be joining me soon. (even though it doesn't feel like soon, I know!)


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## kmpreston

We have a carbon monoxide alarm but it didn't go off! Useless thing

I wondered about iui but the NHS website says it's rarely recommended so I'm guessing that they won't do it with me. They could but I'll be surprised. This is what the NHS website says
 



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## beemeck

wow KM I'm kind of shocked by that! IUI is a lot cheaper and way less invasive than IVF and the success rates here are very high for women that don't fall into any of those 3 categories. Docs pretty much always start out with IUIs unless you have some confirmed issue that renders them pointless. I'm not sure how much play you have with the docs, but I would try to push it if you could. With your late ovulation, I think just monitoring you closely, having you on clomid, doing the trigger shot and washing DHs sperm so you have the best of the best could do the trick. especially considering you've gotten pregnant before! maybe just needs a little tweaking. I went for a year without getting pregnant and then got pregnant on my third IUI. wishing you luck!


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## BronteForever

mrs u - I'm so sorry you are still feeling so down. Bee summed up the process wonderfully (goodness Bee - we miss you over here). It is also perfectly acceptable to take breaks in there if you need it, because as she said you just really can't sustain the heartache some months. It's impossible. We took a few months scattered throughout where we didn't BD at all, so we wouldn't have to worry about it. It helped a ton mentally. Do whatever you need to do and hang in there! I'm also confident you will get your rainbow baby; it just might take a bit longer than planned. 

And the AMH test is super easy to do and I wish I had done blood test alot sooner to be honest. I think at the same time they tested my FSH, thyroid, prolactin, and testosterone. But honestly I've had alot of blood tests at this point. As mentioned I wish I would have done it sooner. I just got them done at my normal OB's office in their lab. 

KM - hopefully they will be able to tell you more when you get referred. And that stinks about the carbon monoxide detector not going off.


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## kmpreston

beemeck said:


> wow KM I'm kind of shocked by that! IUI is a lot cheaper and way less invasive than IVF and the success rates here are very high for women that don't fall into any of those 3 categories. Docs pretty much always start out with IUIs unless you have some confirmed issue that renders them pointless. I'm not sure how much play you have with the docs, but I would try to push it if you could. With your late ovulation, I think just monitoring you closely, having you on clomid, doing the trigger shot and washing DHs sperm so you have the best of the best could do the trick. especially considering you've gotten pregnant before! maybe just needs a little tweaking. I went for a year without getting pregnant and then got pregnant on my third IUI. wishing you luck!

Ye I have no idea why they don't offer it in general as I would much prefer that to IVF. Possibly because it has a lower success rate, possibly because clinics make more money with IVF. I have no chance of requesting a certain treatment, it's unlikely I'll even be given a choice but I will ask


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## mrs unicorn

I haven't been on social media for over 2 months. Just went on now to find 2 of my friends (not close enough for a phone call) are pregnant. Aarrrggghhhhh!!


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## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> I haven't been on social media for over 2 months. Just went on now to find 2 of my friends (not close enough for a phone call) are pregnant. Aarrrggghhhhh!!

This sounds like the story of my life: except I can't fathom not going on social media for 2 months. Does this not count?!

Anyway everyone I know is either pregnant or giving birth it would seem


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## lesondemavie

It seriously feels like everyone but me is pregnant. I've even had a few friends with known endo who barely had to try at all. Say what? Super happy for them but it just builds on those life isn't fair feelings. I've unfollowed more friends than I can count now. I posted this in my journal but I'll share here too...my hair is going wavy?!? One more change from being pregnant without the happy ending. I'm actually kind of mad and upset about it even though I've wanted some curl to my hair forever. I honestly feel like crying typing this right now. Silly right?


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## BronteForever

Oh Les - it's definetly not silly. It makes sense when you say that it's kind of a reminder of what you don't have. That has to be hard right now. Hopefully eventually it can become a good memory, when you are ready for it. Kind of your own built in birthstone bracelet or ring to remember your Gremlin. Or I've contemplated a tattoo on my foot as a reminder. Really hope it can turn into something good...eventually. This sucks in the meantime though. 

Mrs U - good for you for staying away from 2 months. So sorry more friends are pregnant. Ugggghh.


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## beccabonny

km - glad you got your gas leak fixed! To think it could have been a long-term leak is a scary thought, but at least you caught it! Don&#8217;t be afraid to question those doctors&#8230;.they should at least be able to give you answers on why they have decided to go the route they have. I&#8217;m a big fan of explanation and have surely exasperated many medical professionals, but in the end who else is going to look out for us but ourselves?

mrs u - sounds like you look great all the time! I actually bought my first two-piece a couple of years ago and I think I look FAB in it despite being a size 16 now. Of course it covers my problem areas and enhances the ones I like. I never had the confidence to wear one when I was skinny, lol! Good on your 2lbs! I&#8217;ve lost mine for the week and am hoping to keep them off as well. 

Sorry you&#8217;re feeling down. Might as well get all the tests you can - the more info the better, right? Could you just make the appointment and cancel in a few weeks if you don&#8217;t need it? Even if you don't want it now, if you change your mind, you'd still have it. I get into those emotional hard places where I just want to walk away from the whole thing, too. Somehow I end up changing my mind, probably because I'd obsess over it otherwise, but if you decide a break is what you need, you should go with your instinct. You'd be able to come back to it refreshed.

2 months away, wow! Bummer to jump back on social media like that and find out 2 people are expecting&#8230;.one of my friends just announced today as well, but she&#8217;d been on pinterest baby pinning for at least two months so I had a feeling. My cousin posting all of her newborn twins are really the only thing getting to me since they would be about three weeks older than mine would have been, but I try to just be happy for her. Sometimes it is not easy to be sad for me instead.

Les - I know I commented on it in your journal, but it&#8217;s not silly at all to feel that way. It is upsetting to have all these after effects from pg reminding you of your loss. I&#8217;m sure you&#8217;ll be able to turn it around one day, but it&#8217;s just a little too soon right now, and that is a completely understandable and valid feeling.


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## BronteForever

Becca - I've mentioned this before but it's been awhile and I'm sure is buried. Anyway seeing kids the same age or super close to when yours would have been born is definetly the worst. My best friend had a child born within 1-2 weeks of when I was due. She is the hardest kid for me to see in person but also by far one of my most favorite people to visit with. It's honestly been a joy to watch her grow up. It really is hard and I tear up sometimes when I see her photos because it is a constant reminder (there's no way around it). But it can also be a pretty amazing experience to watch someone of the same age grow up.

I'm sure it's even doubly hard since yours were twins as well (seriously what are the odds, you and your cousin would both conceive twins close together?). But I also hope it gets easier with time.


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## raine87

I'm pretty lucky that the couple we hang out with the most aren't ready to have kids yet. However, there are several women at work who are pregnant.
Tried to kick off fertile week with a bang. I got out our fertility trinkets (an elephant with his trunk up and a Hawaiian fertility statue) and changed to our green sheets (supposed to bring good fertility vibes). I know it sounds like poppycock but what does it hurt?


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## beccabonny

Raine, if guys can stop changing their socks when their favorite teams get into the playoffs, why can't we have our little rituals? Maybe I need to switch my sheets come Friday! 

Bronte, I know what you mean about the mixed emotion of joy and pain - I'm sure I'll learn about it even more as time goes by. Despite the pain I'm so happy to see these healthy little babies. I don't know if it's worse with two, because the pain for all of us seems to be off the scale to unfathomable depths of desperation to come back from, regardless. 

I know, the twins thing is crazy, right? The only difference being hers were fraternal and mine were identical. Still, kinda neat watching them grow up. Two babies...it seems exhausting!


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## BronteForever

Raine - good luck. And your rituals certainly can't hurt. So I think anything is fair game if it helps you get through this process.


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## Aayla

Sorry I haven't been too active. 

Confirmed today that I am not pregnant. Hcg <1. I am so tired. I just don't know how much more I can take. I think I could go on if my body didn't decide that pregnancy symptoms were now a normal part of my LP. There is having your hopes up like you do every cycle and then willing to bet the farm because you are so sure. 

DH wants to continue with letrozole. The onky reason I am willing is because it means I don't have to go on Mirena until IVF. And it is cheaper of course. But I am so tired. I am in my second year now and now I won't have a baby until I am 39.


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## lesondemavie

Cute rituals raine!

Aayla :hugs: I'm so sorry hun. I know that exact feeling of just being tired of it all. I keep thinking about age too. It's always there in our heads, but I think in the end it won't matter so much. Keeping up hope for you girl <3


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## BronteForever

Oh Aayla I am so sorry for you. Huge hugs being sent to you. I'm sure that was a particularly rough blow because you felt so certain. I had a few of those too and it was horrible. This process sucks. And as I mentioned earlier to mrs u there is no shame in taking a month or two break periodically to regroup. I needed that mentally during this process as well. It really can just get to be too much to handle. Hang in there!


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## lesondemavie

Early +opk today. Going to try to just roll with it &#128517;


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## BronteForever

Good luck Les. Wonder why it's early. Is progesterone known to do that as well? Hopefully it won't impact anything.


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## kmpreston

Aayla said:


> Sorry I haven't been too active.
> 
> Confirmed today that I am not pregnant. Hcg <1. I am so tired. I just don't know how much more I can take. I think I could go on if my body didn't decide that pregnancy symptoms were now a normal part of my LP. There is having your hopes up like you do every cycle and then willing to bet the farm because you are so sure.
> 
> DH wants to continue with letrozole. The onky reason I am willing is because it means I don't have to go on Mirena until IVF. And it is cheaper of course. But I am so tired. I am in my second year now and now I won't have a baby until I am 39.

This is exactly how I'm feeling at the end of my second year but need to keep at it x


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## Aayla

I had my big cry and hubby cuddled me. Calling the doc tomorrow to get my new prescription. We'll see how many refills I get. 

Going to get my drink on on Friday. I am so looking forward to margaritas. There is such a small window I can drink with the letrozole. 

I really need to focus on my weight. Which I have talked about before. I still have a shot to be in the 21 Day Fix Extreme infomercial so for the next 3 weeks that will be my focus.


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## lesondemavie

I thought about the progesterone too Bronte. I hadn't read anything about an early O after P, but maybe since it delayed the start of this cycle my body is fighting a bit to get back to my norm?


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## beccabonny

Oh, Aayla, I'm so sorry :hugs: I know you were so sure, too! That's the worst let down :( At least you get to enjoy your margarita on Friday. Can't wait to hear what progress you make with the 21 Day Fix. 

Les, good luck! I can imagine the body might try and fight to stay with what it knows...at this point with my body I'm just like :shrug: sometimes.


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## BronteForever

Aayla - definitely get the margarita. Maybe have two. Hugs again. I love that you picked yourself back up and already made a call to the doctor for another prescription. A good cry and cuddle is always helpful during that process as well. Good luck focusing on your weight and yourself the next few months. I like the idea of focusing on that and just trying the BDing in the background. The infomercial sounds exciting. How cool would that be!

Les - I'm sure it's the progesterone somehow, since that's the only recent change. But yeah, it's probably just the extended previous cycle. Our bodies are so interesting.


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## Aayla

So we are out for next cycle. The doc is out now town and because I have done 8 rounds of letrozole I have actually see him to get a new prescription. They don't like going past 8 so not sure what will happen. He might push it to 12. But then I think do I want to risk it? There is a reason they have limits. Maybe some time off and focus on saving money and losing weight with IVF as the goal is the ideal plan? 

I still have to talk to hubby. I hate finding out news while he is sleeping and I am working. 

My cousin's gf did ivf last year and she is 40. I could do it at 39.5 lol 

And the thought of losing enough weight that I would actually be able to show bump photos has me excited. At my size my belly would like round out at the very end, if at all. 

Sorry I am rambling. So much to think about.


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## BronteForever

Oh Aayla - sorry it isn't the news you were hoping for. But maybe it is a blessing in disguise. I don't know much about that med, but I agree they probably do have limits for a reason. So focusing on yourself and your health might not be a bad thing. 

Have you had an AMH test done fairly recently to give you a good idea how much "ovarian reserve" or time you might have left? I know you can't really predict anything, but if your numbers are looking good then you might still have a shot in a year. And there's lots of people even over 40 that have conceived on IVF. My doctor just recommends genetic testing to help a lot since the egg quality is not nearly as good as we get older, so you can pick out the most likely embryo to succeed and have a better shot with IVF.

Good luck!


----------



## Aayla

I have, oddly enough, never had my reserve checked. I have wondered about it. Maybe because I was told they suspect I have never ovulated in my life. So my reserve us probably fairly substantial. But I will ask my doc about it. 

I came to terms with IVF last cycle. And there was something about it that felt right. But I do want to discuss with hubby. It is hard to get him to voice his feelings. All he wants is a baby and for me to be happy. I love him for it of course but he has a say too. Lol 

I am thinking of going out to dinner tonight with him to discuss things.


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## BronteForever

They will obviously do all of that before you go through IVF but in your case maybe you want to get as much of those blood tests or other tests out of the way (even the SA for your husband) so you have a better idea of what you are working with and it might help determine the best course of action. That way you don't wait a whole year of doing nothing. Anyway good luck!


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## Aayla

He got an SA done 2 years ago. He was told he is superman. Lol 

But I will definitely see if I can space out the testing and see if it can be done sooner so that way we can just get er done when I have the money and am at the right bmi


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## beccabonny

Aayla, plenty of women do IVF successfully into their 40s. I know you want to get there ASAP! Yay for bump photos! I'm with you there.


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## lesondemavie

You got this Aayla!

Officially in the TWW today (as expected with the early +opk). Going to look at it this time as an opportunity to focus on other good things in life and take a break from ttc for a few weeks. The progesterone every night will be a big reminder, but otherwise I think I can stay nice and distracted :). Nothing more we can do now, so just sitting back and letting it be.


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## Aayla

Ooh the tww already. Fx for you!! 

I am at my brother's 25th bday and being around family and friends is exactly what I needed. 

I ate, I drank and was merry :rofl:

I feel a sense of renewal. Like today was the end of a chapter and I have a sense of peace.


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## BronteForever

Yay for relaxation time. 

Les, great idea focusing on other stuff. Are you going to be cooking up a storm? And how is your house coming along? Do you have everything situated?

Aayla - very well said. Sounds like family was just what you needed. So glad you have a sense of peace.


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## BronteForever

Mrs u - you have been quiet. If you are checking in I really hope you are doing okay. You have been in my thoughts. If you are off focusing on not thinking about TTC then that's good too. Still sending you positive thoughts and hugs from across the ocean.


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## lesondemavie

House is coming along nicely. Still lots to do!

Garden/plants: We have our first little sproutlings from the marigolds and vegetables we planted last weekend. The succulents we transplanted are looking great too. DH wants to go get a few more elements for our drip system to see if he can improve it. My blueberry leaves are browning so maybe I'm overwatering them? I read that we need a second species for cross pollination but I have no idea where to look. We also want to buy a birdbath for by our front door. We need some natural pest repellents on our herbs. I'm going to dead head some more and maybe figure out how to trim the lavender a bit. We also want to build a privacy trellis for our deck. I originally wanted to grow vines up it, but then DH reminded me that spiders LOVE vines...so maybe succulent pots instead? Maybe I'll sketch something today. Last but not least they have a drip system for potted plants all around the perimeter of the deck. Would love to start looking for/buying interesting pots and plants and setting that up. We also want to get a outdoor dining set for the patio. Still deciding if we want to buy or make or own.

Kitchen: I'm keeping my eye out for some farmhouse prints. We want to make our own farmhouse table, but DH and I have to agree on what kind of wood to use first. I still have some kids to paint/hard to use for the pantry. I'm also looking for a display tower for our le creuset collection and/or a kitchen hutch to add a bit more storage.

Rest of the house: Getting my library that can turn into a nursery set up (it's empty right now). Getting the guest bed set up. Hanging all of our frames and prints etc. Finding a nice desk chair for the nook. Finding a nice indoor plant for by the door. Getting some more storage and a little wood sign for the bathrooms.

...and I'm sure there's so much more. Clearly we can't do this all at once, and it will take some budgeting. We still have to pick a weekend to have our friends over too. Just need to pick a day and send out an invite. I'm just such a hostess I want the time to bake and cook, but with work I just might not be able to work that out. Depends on when I get my next assignment. I guess the case I was supposed to take decided to switch companies rather than accept that she had to switch supervisors - she hadn't met me yet so it wasn't me! &#128513;

The one thing for sure I'm doing this weekend is making a tart and trying out my new ice cream churn! Still deciding on a flavor...


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## BronteForever

Les - all of that sounds fabulous. I don't have a green thumb at all and DH does research with plants in his day job so he doesn't like to garden much at home. Plus he's not big on exotic plants and likes everything much more natural. Despite my serious lack of knowledge, I think I understood some of what you are doing in the garden and it sounds divine. Can't believe you are already seeing growth from what you planted last weekend. How cool that you might make outdoor patio furniture. We have a bench, chair, and table that we got when my grandmother died. It's falling apart now since we haven't been good about bringing it inside or covering in the winter. That was my husband's project last weekend was cutting all new wood pieces for it and staining. Hoping to have it back together again soon looking much better. 

I love the idea of the library that will turn into a nursery. I'm so excited to see that one! The theme sounds so cool. 

And you definetly sound like the house is keeping you busy. I love decorating a new space though. Hope you find it just as fun and get to have a great get-together for everyone to see your new house. 

Ice cream sounds delicious. Enjoy the new churn.


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## Aayla

so we have set a date to start IVF. Of course I have to run this by the doctor at my next appt. We are looking to start mid march..that will be the stimming etc. We are hoping to have the transfer done at the end of march / beginning of April. This will give us a Christmas baby. 

I have always wanted a Christmas baby. DH is all for it too provided we keep Christmas and the birthday separate. No combining gifts etc. He is born in January and hates it because he always got very little because no one had any money in January. 

So this gives me 8 months to lose weight and 7 months to save up all the money. I don't include July for money saving as we are a bit behind on some bills and we need this month to catch up. I get a raise at the end of the month as well and I will be learning some new tasks which will give me more hours. I figured out that if we can survive on his current pay cheques and bank my current pay cheques then we will be able to save it in the 7 months. When I get my raise and more hours we can for sure save the amount needed and DH should be getting more hours soon as well. 

But I have to go over the budget with a fine tooth comb to be sure we can live on his money alone. 

As per the weight loss. As of today I am 325 lbs. My bmi is 52.5 In order to be at the top range of their limit of a 38 bmi I need to weigh 235. So I need to lose 90 lbs. If I can keep a consistent loss of 2.5 lbs per week I will just meet the 90 lb goal by mid March. Of course in the beginning I will lose a bit more than that and then maybe taper off a bit after but that is average amount.


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## BronteForever

Wow Aayla - that is super ambitious but you can do it. Once we determined we were doing IVF it did help tremendously with motivation and sticking to a plan. Good luck girl!

Do they not offer loans for IVF there? I think your plan sounds good but as a backup maybe look into a few loan options then you wouldn't feel too drained when baby came. Our clinic had a few loan companies they worked with that specialized for IVF loans. So that could be a possibility to make up the difference if needed.


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - Our garden is mostly California drought-tolerant type plants. So nothing too exotic :). The previous owners paid to have it landscaped, but we're hoping to make it a bit more wild. We really wanted to use California native sage bc we love the smell but apparently it's protected, so we had to ditch that idea. The lavender is great. It smells so nice as you walk by our fence, and it doesn't need much water at all. The towns around here started out as orange groves and the like so citrus grows wonderfully, but they are big water suckers :/. So cool that your DH does research with plants by day. I understand not wanting to bring work home though.


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## Aayla

Bronte: they do have loans and my clinic has a few companies on their website but unfortunately our credit sucks because of mistakes we made in our 20's and early 30's. I don't even own a credit card. 

We were thinking that when I got close to my goal weight that we would do a Go fund Me account. My mom says that they will likely help but i don't want to have to rely on that.


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## lesondemavie

It sounds like you have a great plan in place Aayla, and that's awesome that you can hit both goals at the same time! I definitely see sunshine and rainbows ahead for you &#9728;&#65039;&#128522;&#127752;


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## BronteForever

That's a great idea Aayla. Good luck on reaching your goals. You can do it!!

Les - that sounds beautiful again. My husband is more of an ecologist and does more field research. But it's still plant related. All of it confuses me.


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## Aayla

So I think I may have found a way to help fund IVF. No idea how much money I will make but I have decided to start selling my cross stitch stuff. Just small and medium things. I've created a FB page to get out there at first but I think i am going to start making a bunch of small ornaments and medium pictures for Christmas and sell them at the craft fairs. Maybe throw in some other themed ones and some bookmarks. 

I have so much fabric and floss right now that there will be no outward cost to start.


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## BronteForever

Cool Aayla. Hope it turns out well. Great way to make some extra money. Can you sell on Etsy from Canada?


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## Aayla

Yes. The only issue with etsy is most cross stitch stuff sold is patterns and not finished products. The people who buy from etsy tend to want to do it themselves. I don't create patterns other then some sayings from movies. But I can't draw so coming up with anything other than words is near impossible for me.


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## lesondemavie

Great idea with the cross stitch Aayla!

So I think it's time for a roll call in here, where is everyone at and how are you doing?


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## BronteForever

Love the idea of a roll call.

AFM - I'm on Day 11 of stims for my IVF and to be honest, I'm not doing great mentally this week and am a nervous wreck. My retrieval has been pushed back two days. I had already scheduled people for my classes at work and was planning to take off tomorrow through Friday, so I'm going to stick with that. Sitting isn't the easiest, so getting to lay at home should be helpful. However, I'm afraid not having the distraction of work will make my mind wander a bit more and get more stressed out.

I'm making it through. I'm just ready for some relief on the ovaries and to see what's going to happen to the embryos. I'm also slightly worried about overstimulating them now. 

So really, a lot of emotions going on.


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## lesondemavie

Bronte - All of those emotions make sense considering. Hoping for a wonderful, easy retrieval at just the right time to ease your mind. Nearly there!

AFM: 5 DPO, so solidly in the TWW wait and taking it easy. Focusing on pies, and meringues, and the garden, and the house, and work of course. So much work to get done this week! I have to develop and lead a new training bt Monday and it is crunch time report-wise for me &#128517;. I feel like I've finally faced some really tough emotions that I was stuffing down, and I'm better for it. I honestly feel better this TWW than I have in a long time. I feel like if it doesn't happen, I'll be ok. We'll see if that sticks for the next 7-9 days, but for now it is really refreshing to take the pressure off.


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## beccabonny

Les, good luck in your distractions! Fx this is your month! Sounds like the garden is going well! I have trouble not overwatering, so I try to wait until things are dry to water again. I know that&#8217;s probably not a problem out there in SoCal. As far as a second blueberry species, good question, since they are so strict on plants out there, but maybe vendors at a local farmer&#8217;s market might be able to point you in the right direction. It sounds like you guys are really making progress and planning to the fullest! You&#8217;ve got a great vision :) Just do one thing at a time and you&#8217;ll get there. 

Bronte, sounds like your hubby is a man of many talents! First the charting, now woodworking? Sounds like it will turn out beautifully. Sorry you&#8217;re feeling stressed about everything going on :hugs: 

Aayla, a Christmas baby, that would be wonderful! 2.5 lbs/wk is a great goal. I think your cross-stitching idea is fab. It seems like there&#8217;s a big market for that, especially geared toward the pop-culture market! 

As for me, it&#8217;s CD 16 and I&#8217;m not sure if O has come and gone yet, since I have not had a positive OPK (but it WAS a bit darker today, so maybe tomorrow I&#8217;ll get a full positive), but lots of EWCM and BD every other day. Temp has stayed fairly low, which is another factor pointing to O not having come yet. It was late last cycle, so we shall see. We had an insanely busy weekend so I haven&#8217;t had a chance to get online until today.


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## BronteForever

Les - so happy to hear that you are handling this TWW so much better than the past few months and that you have put some pressure off yourself. Yay! Your distraction ideas sound wonderful as always. Can't wait to catch the photos of the goodies you make with all your left over egg whites. I'll just drool at them from afar. 

Becca - he is pretty talented. I think he's trying to stay distracted as well, even if he won't admit it  And there was no doubt in my mind he'd start graphing stuff if we had data on anything. It's been interesting to follow to see if the timeline fits what his regression test predicts. Anything we can do to keep this process less stressful and entertaining to ourselves 

If it was a bit darker today, it does sound like you might get a positive tomorrow. Good luck. Seems like you are covering all your days regardless. Keeping my fingers crossed this is your cycle!


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## Starlight288

I'm around!! We're on vacation so not around as much. I'm 6dpo and just waiting it out. Trying hard not to symptom spot!


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## kmpreston

Despite a stressful three days trying to get Dh to BD during my fertile window we have managed 4/5 days and I have definitely Ovulated (I think cd 16). This cycle has been stressful so far - last cycle on clomid giving added pressure, minor breakdown whilst taking clomid, trouble with BD etc, but I hope it will have paid off. Going to try to relax now for the next 13 days


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## BronteForever

Starlight - hope you are enjoying your vacation. The struggle not to symptom spot is a real one. Hope you can focus on the vacation instead. And fingers crossed this is your month. Should know pretty soon!

KM - I'm sure the added stress on the last Clomid Cycle did not help matters at all. So glad you got it worked out. Enjoy your 13 days of relaxation! And really hope this last cycle on the med is the lucky one!


----------



## Aayla

Went to see the fertility doc today. He wants to do letrozole and IUI. I'm only allowed 3 more cycles of letrozole and because of my weight IVF is a way off and he doesn't want me losing drastically which can do more harm than good in the neonatal sense. So while I lose weight and save what we can we will do three rounds of IUI. (assuming we need 3). He says it will double our chances. 

Since I am cd 6 today this cycle is out. so I just have to wait for the next af. The IUI should happen around Aug 24 depending on when af comes. Without being on letrozole af doesn't like to behave normally so she may have to be induced. 

DH and i have to get new blood panels done of all the std's and stuff as it has been a few years so having to wait makes sure we can get them done and they get the results in time. 

The doc was really excited he was like "yeah..let's do this..Let's just do it." This is why I chose this doc. he is so passionate about it.


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## kmpreston

That's great news Aayla, what an exciting path

I was supposed to have an appointment with my fertility specialist tomorrow but he has cancelled all appointments due to a bereavement 

Bearing in mind this appointment was meant to be the first week in June I wasn't pleased but I understood

Imagine how upset I was to then get a call to say that my new appointment was 2nd September...that would mean no more drugs and no IVF referral for another two months, thus delaying IVF til at least December. 

So I was absolutely distraught and rang the secretary in floods of tears and begged for a new appointment. I'm going on the 22nd July now. So feeling slightly better, although that will probably be CD 4 so too late to start any drugs he may give me :/


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## Aayla

That sucks about your appt. Are you able to take anything to delay af? Or will that mess up things hormonaly?


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## kmpreston

Aayla said:


> That sucks about your appt. Are you able to take anything to delay af? Or will that mess up things hormonaly?

I could be pregnant so definitely can't take anything just in case


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## Aayla

ah yeah. Definitely not then. Sometimes it sucks when cycles don't match up. I'm on cd 6 but if I had been able to see the doctor last week we may have been able to do the IUI this cycle. Now I am just hoping that af comes on her own and I don't have to induce.


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## raine87

CD10 here and finally got a positive OPK. Dtd last night and since DH and I have the weekend off together (actually it's DH's 30th bday tomorrow!) So hopefully we will get it done this month!


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## lesondemavie

Star - yay for vacations!

Aayla - That plan sounds perfect.

Km - Glad they got you in earlier!! I would have been so mad.

Bronte - So very excited to hear how many fertilize &#128077;. Is it a rest cycle after this?

Raine - Hooray for O! Fx this cycle :dust:

AFM - Continuing mission relaxed TWW over here. Just finished a kickboxing and abs workout, and after this heading out to the garden for a bit. Would be a bit more relaxing without the symptoms from progesterone, but that is what it is. Planning to do some macarons or meringues this weekend (froze all the egg whites that were left). Just found out that masterchef Australia came to California this season. So incredibly sad I missed it!!!


----------



## Aayla

I love Masterchef Australia. They are so nice on that show. The American version they are always swearing and talking back and throwing each other under the bus. Canadian is similar (despite the stereotype there are nasty and mean people here). It was so nice to see them help each other and even cry when someone left. I also love how the challenges are so much harder. I would love to see the US do some of those desserts. Like the croquembouche Lol. Man that thing is insane.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - how exciting the plan switched slightly and you get to proceed with doing IUIs now. Your doctor seems very determined to get you pregnant which I'm sure helps put your mind at ease some to have a supportive doctor. 

KM - glad you got the appointment moved so you don't have as long of a wait now. That would have been torture to wait that long. Hope it's a good visit and you get to proceed with either IVF or an IUI. Even better that this cycle worked and you won't need it. Fingers crossed. 

Raine - hope DH has a great birthday and it sounds like the perfect time to make a baby. Really hope this is your cycle. 

Les - wow I've never seen Masterchef Australia but it's a bummer you missed it. Would have been lots of fun to see in person. Hope you can catch another one sometime. Your workouts sound fabulous. Great job. And enjoy the baking. 

AFM - egg retrieval went great yesterday and I'm not feeling too bad at all. Out of 14 eggs they retrieved we found out that 8 fertilized this morning. So hoping for some more progress in the next few days. 

And yes next cycle is a rest one, Les. I was kind of bummed at first after all this forward momentum but I think testing them is the best decision for us. And I'm already planning on trying to lose more weight again in the next two months before doing transfer. I'm super bloated today so up weight. Plus I still haven't lost all my weight I gained after stopping roller derby. Grrrr. That will be the focus going forward.


----------



## lesondemavie

Aayla - So glad to find another fan! I agree they are super nice on the show, and of course their amazing desserts inspire me. The plates they put up are waaaay better than any I've seen on the US version (and I watch the Canada one too). I feel like Aus makes it much more of a professional training experience than the other countries. Either that or the home chefs there are incredible :).

Bronte -That's a great number, and your body needs some rest after all those injections! I've gained a few pounds since going on progesterone. It just makes me want to eat all of the time. It's 7 am, I just woke up, and I already want to eat :haha:. I didn't really eat much for dinner though. Exercise can suppress the appetite temporarily. DH and I did our usual salad with veggies, grilled chicken, and our homemade vinaigrette. I threw on some raspberries and some almond praline for crunch too. So easy, mostly healthy, and super tasty. I only ate half of my plate, so a good breakfast is probably due this morning. Hoping I can shed the few ponds I've gained before I'm gaining weight for a different, better reason :)


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## Aayla

Bronte: Great number! so I take it then you are doing a frozen transfer? Why are you not doing a fresh transfer? 

I am super relaxed now that we have a next step plan. I am concerned about the fact that I don't get a positive opk the day before I ovulate. I usually get it the evening I ovulate. Confirmed by my temp of course. My body went all wonky after the mc and my O date has changed twice. i don't get progression on ovulation tests so I am a little concerned about timing. They want me to start using opk's at cd 10 even though I don't ovulation until cd 19/20.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - yes we are doing a frozen transfer because we are doing PGS testing. We went back and forth on whether to do genetic testing or not but my doctor highly recommended it because of my age. I'm at the cut off but I'm still advanced maternal age so about 50 percent of the eggs I produce will have chromosomal issues and I likely will have issues with a successful implantation or miscarriage especially with IVF, where you are taking away some of the natural element. Anyway, I'm not sure I could handle a miscarriage or it not implanting after going through all this (I know I would but I'd struggle a lot). The peace of mind of knowing the embryo with the best shot would be put in was worth waiting for me and worth hopefully not having to do multiple transfers. We'll see though.


----------



## Aayla

that makes total sense. IVF isn't cheap and it isn't the easiest route and paying that little bit extra to make sure the best embryo is places is a good idea. We will likely do that too if we have to do IVF


----------



## tcinks

Hi ladies. I popped in here a few months ago after my most recent loss, but haven't posted much. I'm on my 3rd cycle since then (although we didn't try that first month). I was really convinced I was pregnant this time but af showed today. :'(

I don't even know what I could change about next cycle to increase our chances. I don't temp or do opks. But we started dtd the day after af left and stopped when my CM dried up (there's always lots of it, so it has always been a reliable O sign). There's no way we could have missed ovulation! Unless I just didn't ovulate (which doesn't seem likely). So frustrating. :/

Anyway, CD1 for me today! Now hoping for an April baby once again! My first baby should have been born April 2015. :flower:


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## Aayla

Tcinks: I feel the same way. I would have bet money I was pregnant last cycle. So many symptoms including intense nausea. 

It is possible you aren't ovulating. You won't really know unless you get a 7dpo progesterone test or temp. But since you have been pregnant before it isn't likely that is a problem but some times we do skip a cycle. 

You just have to keep on keeping on unfortunately. It is "funny" that we have both come full circle. My iui will happen around the same time as I got pregnant last year and it will be a may baby if we get pregnant.


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## BronteForever

Tcinks - so nice to hear from you again. Really hope you are doing alright. You have suffered so many tough losses and I really hope you get your rainbow baby soon! Good luck on this cycle. An April baby would be wonderful. 

Aayla - really hope you get your May baby. So excited to see how it goes for you.


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## raine87

Ok officially in the tww. Dtd the day that I got my positive OPK, the day after and 2 days after just like when we got pregnant last time. So fingers crossed! But of course I feel like I'm coming down with a cold. Summer colds are the worst.


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## Starlight288

Popping in! 11 dpo and temp dropped again.I'd say I'm out.

This this TTC stuff is so annoying!! 

Fx someone here gets a bfp soon!!!!!!


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## lesondemavie

Tcinks: So good to hear from you girl :hugs:. I know that feeling. I have no clue why this isn't happening for us yet. I keep thinking of new things to help each cycle. At least it feels like something is happening that way right? April is a lovely month (but I'm totally biased :haha:)

Aayla: May is nice too. So hopeful for this plan for you <3

Raine: Sorry about the cold but sometimes they say that's good for implantation. Fx!

Star - Good to hear from you too! Sorry you feel out. I sadly do as well &#128542;. Hoping we all get BFPs together! It could be a BFP frenzy &#128518;


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> Tcinks: So good to hear from you girl :hugs:. I know that feeling. I have no clue why this isn't happening for us yet. I keep thinking of new things to help each cycle. At least it feels like something is happening that way right? April is a lovely month (but I'm totally biased :haha:)
> 
> Aayla: May is nice too. So hopeful for this plan for you <3
> 
> Raine: Sorry about the cold but sometimes they say that's good for implantation. Fx!
> 
> Star - Good to hear from you too! Sorry you feel out. I sadly do as well &#128542;. Hoping we all get BFPs together! It could be a BFP frenzy &#128518;

Oh that would be awesome if there was a BFP frenzy in here!! We deserve it!


So then my temp went up today.. Yesterday 97.68, today 97.99. Hmm, not sure what's going on.


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## beccabonny

I'm loving the BFP frenzy theme! Sending positive energy to everyone for our rainbow babies :hugs:


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## BronteForever

Starlight - let's hope the new temp jump is good news. I'm all for a BFP frenzy on here as well. 

Raine - try to enjoy the TWW. Hope you can keep yourself nice and busy. I've heard people feeling like they have colds sometimes is a good sign as well. Not sure why. But fingers crossed for you. 

Les - hope you are doing alright. Still glad everything seems to be getting a bit easier for you. Each month is closer to your goal of getting your rainbow baby. 

Becca - positive energy being sent right back at you. 

AFM - get updates on the embabies tomorrow. Hope they are doing well and we get a decent amount to freeze.


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## lesondemavie

So I skipped progesterone last night and now it's just a waiting game to see when AF will show. Getting cd3 bloodwork done, giving the progesterone one more cycle, and then going in with some articles in hand demanding a referral from my ob - bc she clearly isn't too familiar with LPD.

How's the TWW treating everyone else?


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## Starlight288

I'm out, and definitely disappointed. I just wanted it so badly for our anniversary (Monday). But it wasn't in the cards... Had some wine instead!! 

Hope the progesterone works this month Les!


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## BronteForever

Starlight - I'm so sorry you are out. Hugs. 

Les - I love that you are prepared to further demand the tests and if they don't give them to you definetly get the referral. Go get'em girl!

AFM - I'm also out for first round of IVF and must regroup. I'm also disappointed and had multiple cries today. But I will not quit yet.


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## lesondemavie

So sorry star &#128542;. Fx our frenzy comes soon &#128522;

Bronte, girl, you know how much I'm pulling for you. Can't wait to hear your good news the next time around.


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## Starlight288

We can cry together Bronte! This crap sucks so bad! I've been so positive and I feel like it for nothing. But we gotta pick ourselves up and do it again.

Our time is coming ladies! I follow another site and were just talking about statistics and how our group was due for BFP's. Well 2 ladies in that group got them.. We will have ours too!!


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## raine87

Sorry you ladies are out this month. I still can't shake this cold and I've been having weird pain on my right side. Kinda like ovulation pain but I should have ovulated almost a week ago. DH and I dtd again just to be safe. Maybe it's a cyst that's healing?


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## kmpreston

beccabonny said:


> I'm loving the BFP frenzy theme! Sending positive energy to everyone for our rainbow babies :hugs:

Well I'm hoping two things

1) that this sticks
2) that it is indeed the start of a frenzy
 



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## beemeck

Omg km congrats !!! Seems like a great line for sticking !!!


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## kmpreston

I hope so. Only 11dpo and won't feel anything close to safe until I make it to 6 weeks. But it's a good start so I'm feeling positive


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## beemeck

It's a great start !! Beautiful line for only 11 dpo love <3


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## BronteForever

That is a great line at this point Km. So exciting!! Congrats and really hope it sticks for you. Yay!!!


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## lesondemavie

Congrats km!!!


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## Starlight288

kmpreston said:


> beccabonny said:
> 
> 
> I'm loving the BFP frenzy theme! Sending positive energy to everyone for our rainbow babies :hugs:
> 
> Well I'm hoping two things
> 
> 1) that this sticks
> 2) that it is indeed the start of a frenzyClick to expand...

Yay way to start that frenzy!!! Congrats!!!!


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## raine87

Yay km!!!! 

Did my first 5k today. Didn't run any of it. Walked all of it and there was inflatable obsticals during the course. It was hard!


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## Starlight288

How's everyone doing??

CD4 here and last night we saw the most amazing rainbow. It was huge , just what I needed!

Hope everyone's doing okay!


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## Aayla

cd 16 here. just waiting for this cycle to be over. It's very boring. I went to a party on friday and got very drunk for the first time in a long time. When on letrozole I can't drink at all while taking the pills and a good week after I am done. by then I am in the ovulation stage/tww so I limit to one or two cocktails if I have anything at all. This was the first month in a long time I could drink. I'm almost 40 so the goal of getting drunk doesn't appeal but I must admit the drinks went down quicker than expected lol. It was a fabulous time though with people I hadn't seen in over a year. 

I started my anti-depressants yesterday. I have been feeling very down for a long time and i felt a shift happen last week and it was like I was on provera. I was angry and moody and just not pleasant to be around. I didn't want to leave the house. Even to do the blood work I need to do for the fertility doc. I just couldn't get the drive to do it. and I have been cycling in these manic phases for too long. I realized finally that I need outside help.


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## kmpreston

Aayla said:


> cd 16 here. just waiting for this cycle to be over. It's very boring. I went to a party on friday and got very drunk for the first time in a long time. When on letrozole I can't drink at all while taking the pills and a good week after I am done. by then I am in the ovulation stage/tww so I limit to one or two cocktails if I have anything at all. This was the first month in a long time I could drink. I'm almost 40 so the goal of getting drunk doesn't appeal but I must admit the drinks went down quicker than expected lol. It was a fabulous time though with people I hadn't seen in over a year.
> 
> I started my anti-depressants yesterday. I have been feeling very down for a long time and i felt a shift happen last week and it was like I was on provera. I was angry and moody and just not pleasant to be around. I didn't want to leave the house. Even to do the blood work I need to do for the fertility doc. I just couldn't get the drive to do it. and I have been cycling in these manic phases for too long. I realized finally that I need outside help.

I'm glad you're getting the help you need. I've been that low a few times lately but have never accepted help. Not a wise choice


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## Starlight288

Aayla said:


> cd 16 here. just waiting for this cycle to be over. It's very boring. I went to a party on friday and got very drunk for the first time in a long time. When on letrozole I can't drink at all while taking the pills and a good week after I am done. by then I am in the ovulation stage/tww so I limit to one or two cocktails if I have anything at all. This was the first month in a long time I could drink. I'm almost 40 so the goal of getting drunk doesn't appeal but I must admit the drinks went down quicker than expected lol. It was a fabulous time though with people I hadn't seen in over a year.
> 
> I started my anti-depressants yesterday. I have been feeling very down for a long time and i felt a shift happen last week and it was like I was on provera. I was angry and moody and just not pleasant to be around. I didn't want to leave the house. Even to do the blood work I need to do for the fertility doc. I just couldn't get the drive to do it. and I have been cycling in these manic phases for too long. I realized finally that I need outside help.

Letting lose sometimes never hurt anyone!! Glad you enjoyed yourself!

I also commend you on getting help! You have to do what's best for you! Hope you start feeling like yourself again soon.


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## Aayla

They say it will take about 4 weeks for me to fully feel the effects but sometimes you can start to feel stuff after about a week. 

I'm just trying to force myself to keep busy. Getting a whole living room suite today. and then I am selling off a bunch of furniture to help save for Vegas. I have reached out to a friend I haven't talked to a lot and I don't know why we did stop talking. Her and I are hopefully having tea on Tuesday. 

I've started a new workout program. I've shifted my focus from weight loss for baby to losing inches and getting fit. With the drinking and rehydrating myself I am up 3 lbs (along with the water retention from breaking muscles down) but my belly is down 2 inches. So I am just focusing on that and getting stronger and improving my numbers. I have all these clothes that no longer fit. I can't afford a new wardrobe right now.


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## Starlight288

You go girl!!! Sounds great!!! Keeping busy definitely helps!!


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## lesondemavie

Great job in the 5k raine!

Aayla - That's fantastic! I've always preferred to go by inches rather than lbs.

Hoping we can keep the BFPs going in here star <3

AFM: My second little nephew was born last night, and my SIL is doing well. Happy to be an auntie again. Some brown tinged CM when I checked today, so today will likely be CD1 for me (I never spot before AF). Following the exact pattern from last cycle with AF arriving 5 days after my last dose of progesterone. Hoping we can catch a break next cycle. Round and round we go, where we'll stop nobody knows.


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## BronteForever

Raine - that's awesome you completed your first 5k. Great job. 

Aayla - that's a huge step admitting you need help and seeking out assistance. Great job. I also suffer from depression and have for most of my life. I always do much better when on my meds. Every time we move though sometimes it's taken me awhile to find a new doctor and I feel a bit weird seeking help again. But it really is nothing to be ashamed of and being smart and getting help for yourself is definetly best. I've been in a bit of a bad spot the last few days and am thinking about seeking out the counselor at our fertility clinic. I'm on meds but I had to switch to different ones when trying to conceive. They don't work nearly as well for me. But it was much safer if I got pregnant and far worth it. It's made having a failed IVF cycle a bit harder though. Anyway I wish you luck as you get help and really hope it helps. You sound like you are on the path to a better you with this and all the hard work you are putting in to your weight loss. 

Starlight - hope the rainbow is a sign for you.

Les - I really hope you catch a break next cycle as well!


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## Starlight288

I totally agree that getting the help you need is a brave step. I went through some depression a few years back and I knew I needed something to help me get through it. I hated to ask for the help but I knew it's what I needed. No shame in that,sometimes things are just too much to handle.


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## kmpreston

Bronte I'm so sorry to hear that your first round of IVF didn't work


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## lesondemavie

CD2 here today &#128542;. Going in for CD3 tests tomorrow. Oddly hoping that something raises a red flag. I know I've seen others get BFPs after a year+ of trying with nothing and we did have the one pregnancy in the last year, but it's just starting to feel like this won't happen for us without extra help...even if it will...I so want this to happen faster than that. Has anyone out there seen my patience? I clearly need it back *sigh*


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## Starlight288

Les-Hope your testing go well. Can you suggest something more if you feel so strongly that you need more help?


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## BronteForever

Les - I'd be the same way and would really rather know if there's an issue. I was bummed to have to move straight to IVF but if was nice to have answers. 

However I still hope they don't find anything and it's just your progesterone that was making it harder. That way it won't take as long hopefully until you see a BFP. 

But if you are ready to move onto injectable meds or IUI; hopefully they will let you soon or give you a referral to an RE so that you won't be required to wait longer. I know they normally reset the time they go by what it's been since your MMC but if you are wanting to do that then they should be able to make it happen!


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## lesondemavie

Thanks Bronte. I just keep reading that egg quality can affect progesterone levels, but then again I've always had short cycles and probably always had a short LP and just didn't know it. If that's the case it is not egg quality due to aging, right? Probably also not anything environmental since that has changed over the years as well. So I either have just had all bad eggs from the time I hit puberty or my balance of hormones is just different. I'm thinking the latter is more likely...but this test will give me some peace of mind or one more reason to request a referral so a good choice overall I think :). Well off I go to get my arm pricked.


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## BronteForever

I actually don't think there's anyway for them to test egg quality, is there? I've been reading a lot about that after my failed IVF and trying to figure out ways to improve egg quality. I think the CD3 tests (particularly the FSH test) can just tell you about how many eggs you have left or your ovarian reserve. I think the assumption is generally if your results are low then you will have lower quality eggs, but that's not necessarily true I've read other places. You just have less to work with because you might be running out.

I'm not sure how they work together on your progesterone levels though.

It's still a good number to know, because if it's low then you definitely need to get to the RE sooner rather than later. But it doesn't mean your eggs aren't of a quality to produce a child.

Anyway, hope you hear soon on your results and can hopefully just get a referral regardless. If you are mentally prepared for that stage already, I think I'd just bite the bullet and try to get in to an RE. You have a much better shot of getting pregnant faster. And your age is borderline that they should make an exception to the one year rule since the MMC.


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## lesondemavie

Correct. There is no direct test for egg quality. They say the best indicator for that is just age. I think this will cover FSH, LH, and E2. They are just indicative of ovarian reserve, disorders, and/or cysts. Still I think FSH can be a good indicator of your potential to become pregnant. We'll se what my numbers come back at :)


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## raine87

I've been getting faint BFP the last couple of days. I called my doctor today and the nurse had me come in and have my blood drawn. She also had me also have my progesterone drawn since they had me on progesterone with my last pregnancy.


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## BronteForever

Congrats Raine. Really hope it sticks. Wow you ladies might have started a BFP frenzy. That would be wonderful!


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## Aayla

Oh congrats Rain!! 

I am now in an unofficial tww as I am sure no spontaneous ovulation happened. Blood work came back all in normal range. We still have to wait for std panel but I am not worried about that. 

Af is due Aug 6. I hope she comes on time.


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## raine87

I'm kinda nervous bc DH says he can't see the lines on the tests but a friend of mine says she totally can. I'll let you ladies know what my levels are!


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## lesondemavie

Any pics raine?


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## raine87

I'm having issues trying to get them to upload on my phone. They aren't that good. They don't do the test justice.


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## Starlight288

raine87 said:


> I've been getting faint BFP the last couple of days. I called my doctor today and the nurse had me come in and have my blood drawn. She also had me also have my progesterone drawn since they had me on progesterone with my last pregnancy.

Awesome!!!! Congats to you!!!


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## Aayla

I say post them anyway. I got a faint line and hubby couldn't see it, mom couldn't see but loads could online. it was the next day it came in stronger that he could see.


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## raine87

Ok finally got my phone to cooperate. I literally tried to do this like 5 times! Stupid phone!!!
 



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## Aayla

I think I see something on both. When do you get your beta results?


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## raine87

I'm just waiting on the call from the doctors office. Pictures don't do them justice. The lines are pretty clear in person.


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## BronteForever

Raine - did you hear from the doctors office yet.


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## lesondemavie

I can see something in the second photo. Kmfx for you raine!


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## raine87

My beta level is 4. Yep 4. So as long as I don't start bleeding, they will do another blood test on Monday.


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## Aayla

how many dpo are you?


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## BronteForever

Oh Raine. This sucks. My question is the same as Aaylas then. I hope you make it to Monday and the beta has increased to being pregnant.


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## raine87

When that was drawn it would have been about 10dpo. No bleeding so here's to hoping. I haven't wasted anymore tests since I got the results back. I figured it's not worth it at this point. I might test when I wake up later. Just depends on how I feel.


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## Trying4first1

Hey ladies 
Can I join!? 
Me and DH have been ttc #1 for 2 years. We have had 3 MCs. Had all of the testing and all came back clear. So we are In the dreaded 'unexplained' catagory. 
Anyway we started trying again after the last MC in January and we are still waiting for another BFP. Despite great timing falling pregnant seems to take us a little longer since having the D and Cs (I have had 2). So trying my best to be patient. 
I am starting accunpunture next week in hope that it will lower my stress levels and I am also being treated for NK cells through accunpunture as my acupuncturist thinks this may be the cause of my losses. 
Today I am 8-9dpo. BD timing was pretty good this cycle but not sure it was enough. I am expecting AF on Thursday/ Friday as my LP is 12 days. . 
Sorry for the long intro &#128522;


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## lesondemavie

Of course you can join trying! Welcome :hugs:. I am so sorry for your losses, and well it just stinks to have to wait so long for that next BFP, doesn't it? Hope AF stays away for you this time. That unexplained category must be so hard after all those tests. Hope the acupuncture helps. What is the treatment for NK cells?


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## Trying4first1

lesondemavie said:


> Of course you can join trying! Welcome :hugs:. I am so sorry for your losses, and well it just stinks to have to wait so long for that next BFP, doesn't it? Hope AF stays away for you this time. That unexplained category must be so hard after all those tests. Hope the acupuncture helps. What is the treatment for NK cells?

Thank you :hugs: it stinks big time. I just feel I need to know if next time will be a success or not. If it's not I would rather get it over with so I can then move on to trying something else (not sure what yet). 
The unexplained catagory wasn't easy to digest. What really hurt was when they said that the last baby was normal after the genetic tests. So why did I have to go through it all again!? So many questions. 
I too am really hoping the accunpunture works. If someone told me to dance in the rain naked along with howling at the full moon, I would do it if it meant having a child of our own :haha: 
NK cells are normally treated with intralipids and steroids. Very brutal. But my accunpunturist believes she can lower the levels naturally through the use of accunpunture. Reducing stress levels alone can help with the process of reducing NK cells 
I am very sorry for your loss too. How are you feeling about ttc again? I see you are also on cycle 6 xx


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## Starlight288

Welcome Trying!

So sorry for your losses. What exactly are NK cells,you don't mind?

Hope the acupuncture helps!


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## Trying4first1

Thank you starlight. 
And for yours too. So sad that so many of us are in the same boat. 
NK (natural killer) cells are present in all of us. However some people have elevated levels. It is thought that these high levels are a cause of recurrent pregnancy loss. These cells attack the embryo as they see it as a foreign object. Although NK cells are good to have at fighting cancers etc they are not good for women who want to have children. 
Accunpunture is meant to help. High NK cells have also been linked to stress. Hope this helps &#128522;


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## Aayla

raine87 said:


> When that was drawn it would have been about 10dpo. No bleeding so here's to hoping. I haven't wasted anymore tests since I got the results back. I figured it's not worth it at this point. I might test when I wake up later. Just depends on how I feel.


If you implanted at 6dpo and started at 1 then you would only be at 4 if you doubled every 48 hours. 

6dpo 1
8dpo 2
10 dpo 4


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## BronteForever

Raine - really hope AF stays away. 

Trying - welcome to the group. I wish you the best of luck and I'm so sorry to hear about your recurring pregnancy losses and you don't have an exact answer as to what's causing them. That has to be incredibly hard. I don't know much about NK cells either but whatever the acupuncturist is helping with I really hope it works for you. I know so many that have fallen pregnant after acupuncture.


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## Trying4first1

Thank you so much Bronte. 
I see that you are going through the IVF process. Wishing you the best of luck for your next round :hugs: 
I have heard good things about accunpunture too. I know that it's not the magic cure but if anything it will be nice to be a happier person. Long term ttc can be draining as many of us are familiar with. 
I always have hope though &#128522;

Raine I have just read about your situation. Aayla is right. Your HCG wouldn't be very high now and 10dpo is very very early. Keeping everything crossed for you :flower:


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## lesondemavie

Trying - I'm hanging in there. I feel like I'm through the worst of the grief for now. My worst fear is that we lost our baby and it will just never happen again for us. I just don't understand why it takes us longer, and then after all of this we could just lose the baby again since we have no idea why we lost the first one. Clearly you survive, but I'm sure it's one of the hardest things you've ever been through. At first I thought we conceived once it will happen again, but that just made me expect to see a BFP quickly. I'm at a point where I'm putting less pressure on everything. We're trying, but I'm not really expecting it to work so it's a lot easier when I get those BFNs and need to move on to the next cycle. I'm seeing each cycle as a step closer to more help. Maybe I'll be happily surprised in August, but if not I'm pushing for a referral.

Can they test for NK cells or is it just a process of elimination? I have severe allergies which are related to the immune system, so I definitely worry about things like that. Right now I'm assuming low progesterone was the cause of my MMC, but we won't ever really know and what is causing the low progesterone anyway right? I worry that egg quality is the cause. Oh and that thought that the baby was healthy but my body killed it haunts me a bit sometimes. So a mixed bag I guess, which is probably pretty normal going through this sort of heartbreak.

So glad to have this group here for support and hoping we'll all be sharing baby photos in 2017 <3


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## Starlight288

Trying4first1 said:


> Thank you starlight.
> And for yours too. So sad that so many of us are in the same boat.
> NK (natural killer) cells are present in all of us. However some people have elevated levels. It is thought that these high levels are a cause of recurrent pregnancy loss. These cells attack the embryo as they see it as a foreign object. Although NK cells are good to have at fighting cancers etc they are not good for women who want to have children.
> Accunpunture is meant to help. High NK cells have also been linked to stress. Hope this helps &#128522;

Thank you for explaining! How do they discover this issue? Is there a certain test? Sorry, just curious.


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## raine87

Trying--welcome! I've thought about doing acupuncture also.

Working on getting the picture from today on here.


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## raine87

From today...
 



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## kmpreston

raine87 said:


> From today...

Ooh that's definitely a BFP. Looks like you have gone from 4 up to 8 which is perfect doubling. Hopefully your blood draw tomorrow will be between 10&12 and you will have a clearer test to match it!


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## lesondemavie

That looks great raine! Congrats! Hoping it's a healthy little bean snuggling on in <3. Let me know when you want me to update the wall :)


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## melissakate

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I have been on here! I was driving myself mad, obsessing and freaking out every month when I didn't get my bfp. I have been following everyone still, welcome everyone that's new! This group of ladies are great! I've been praying for you guys daily! 

Update on me: after 8 months of trying we finally got our bfp. I stopped putting so much pressure on us and making it happen, and as cliche' as it sounds, I think that's what helped! I'm at just over 4 weeks. Went in at 10dpo and did blood work and I was at HCG 21, progesterone 26.7. I go in Tuesday, 17 dpo to check progession. My test lines are almost as dark as the control line so I think the progression is good. 

I will continue to monitor and pray for everyone here. Your rainbow babies are right around the corner, I just know it! 

Melissa


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## Starlight288

raine87 said:


> From today...

Can definitely see it now!!!! Yay!


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## Starlight288

melissakate said:


> Hi everyone. It's been a while since I have been on here! I was driving myself mad, obsessing and freaking out every month when I didn't get my bfp. I have been following everyone still, welcome everyone that's new! This group of ladies are great! I've been praying for you guys daily!
> 
> Update on me: after 8 months of trying we finally got our bfp. I stopped putting so much pressure on us and making it happen, and as cliche' as it sounds, I think that's what helped! I'm at just over 4 weeks. Went in at 10dpo and did blood work and I was at HCG 21, progesterone 26.7. I go in Tuesday, 17 dpo to check progession. My test lines are almost as dark as the control line so I think the progression is good.
> 
> I will continue to monitor and pray for everyone here. Your rainbow babies are right around the corner, I just know it!
> 
> Melissa

Hi! Congrats on your bfp!!


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## Starlight288

Okay ladies I have a TMI question. I have been Oing on day 16 pretty regularly. But this time I just felt like I was going to O earlier. I've basically had wet cm all week since AF. Now I should be hitting my fertile week and today I have almost sticky cm. I never did get a positive opk yet. But earlier in the week I had a closer one , which was odd for me. I also had a temp drop today. The cm is just confusing me. Any thoughts?


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## BronteForever

Raine - I can actually see it now as well. Really hope it sticks. 

Mel - I'm so glad you came back to update us. I've really been wondering how you have been doing because you left us when you were close to finding out if you might be pregnant. I'm so so happy to hear your good news. Huge congrats!!!


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## Aayla

Rain I can totally see that. I just think it was too early for a blood test. 

Mel: congrats on your bfp!!


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## lesondemavie

Congrats Mel. Star - you can get patches of fertile CM. Hopefully it will all line up at once. I know it's frustrating. Hope you can keep up the lovin' until O is confirmed fx!

Oh also if anyone who's joined us more recently would like to be added to the wall of inspiration just let me know :)


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## mrs unicorn

Hey ladies, I'm sorry I haven't been around for a few weeks. I know you all understand. For whatever reason last cycle just broke me. I've been fine since, we took a week off and did some nice things, even joined the gym which I'm loving. I o'd late this cycle which isn't a surprise given how upset I was. But hey ho.

I went to the docs this morning (fairly sure I'm not pregnant this cycle) to chat about it. I was fully expecting them to send me away but she was so understanding. She said I've been off the bcp for a year now (even though we haven't been ttc for a year) so we're starting testing. I'm having my bloods done on cd2/3 and again at 7dpo, and DH will be getting SA done this month too - not that he's overly pleased about it! Can totally understand that, but he is definitely going to do it. We'll get our results at the end of August and if it's all good then I'll go for a scan etc. I am so so relieved! Even if there's nothing that comes up at least I'll know there's nothing stopping us. That should make things a bit easier...for a while anyway.

I haven't gone back to catch up on you all yet but I will. I hope everyone is ok. Missed you all so much but I needed to try having a break from 'it all'. And massive thanks for the lovely messages some of you sent me - properly made me tear up. xxx


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## beemeck

omg I was just logging on to say some congrats and ask about mrs U!!!!! so glad to see you back love and so glad the docs took you seriously <3 good luck with the testing and I will keep stalking to see your journey :hugs:

CONGRATS melissa!!!!!!!! that is such wonderful news and I am so happy for you. we really are finally starting the bfp frenzy :happydance:

and raine! keep us posted on what is happening!! 

les - did you get your CD 3 results back yet??

thinking of you all! I go tomorrow for my next scan and am totally terrified. I know you ladies understand that. I'm dreading it, but now to the point where I just want to get it over with. I want to know the news one way or the other. :dohh:


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## lesondemavie

So good to hear from you MrsU! I'm glad your doc is being so good about testing. I actually started ttc a year ago but to my ob the MMC resets the clock, so getting tests out of her is like pulling teeth. Hope you get that BFP (and baby) so that you don't need any of it, but glad it's there for you if not.

No cd3 results yet. My ob usually messages on Tuesday nights, so I'm expecting to hear back tomorrow morning. If not, I will call.

Good luck on your scan bee <3! Nearly to second tri!


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## mrs unicorn

les - that's what I thought the docs would say to me. It's silly though, surely if anything, a mc should bring testing forward not push it back! I'll definitely be having the testing done as I think I'm 11 dpo and bfn this morning (not sure why FF has me down as oing after my +opk as that's only happened once or twice before) She said that a lot of people end up getting pregnant once the testing starts, I hope so but I can't see it. 

FX your test results come back soon and you also don't need anymore. How have you been getting on with the progesterone? Hope the side effects have eased a bit.

Bee - so happy to hear all is well. Can't believe you're 10 weeks already. Feels like it's flown by - I'm pretty certain it hasn't felt like that for you though! Good luck for your scan tomorrow. Hopefully you can relax a bit more once you see that bouncing little bubba again.

Bronte - I'm so sorry to hear about your first cycle hun :hugs: I was reading your journal but got a bit lost :dohh::dohh: are you doing another this cycle?


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## BronteForever

Mrs u - I'm so happy you are back. I was so worried about you and missed you, even though I knew you probably just needed a break. I'm glad you are doing better and I really hope the tests provide some answers and comfort to you during this process. Stay on them about getting it done. It really is relatively easy for them to do, so I don't see why it's such a big deal and why they don't offer some tests to anyone that's TTC.

Bee - you are in my thoughts this week. Really hoping for a good scan tomorrow. 

AFM - I'm not 100 percent sure when I'm starting my next cycle now. I don't have an appointment with my doc until Aug. 10 to discuss. I finally meet with my substitute doctor that oversaw my last cycle tomorrow. So hopefully I have more answers then about whey everything failed. We definitely aren't starting any earlier than the end of August though, when my next period should start. It will be a matter if I need to take more meds before that to help with egg quality and then need to wait a bit longer. We'll see what they say.


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## mrs unicorn

Bronte - you are so lovely, thank you :hugs: I still thought about it everyday, how can you not? And was desperately hoping to see this cycle had worked for you. I really hope you get something useful from your meeting tomorrow, I can't imagine how frustrating this must be for you :hugs:


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## raine87

My beta is now 47! Here I was thinking it would be great if it was 20!


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## lesondemavie

That's wonderful raine! So happy for you <3


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## Aayla

Mrs U: so glad you are back. I totally understand taking a break. I have been fairly quiet on here as well and just reading. I hope the tests come back fine. 

Raine: congrats sweetie!! 

Afm: I started taking my provera as I just know af won't come on her own. If I start it today and take it for a week she should arrive on time. I am hoping my anti-depressants will counteract the emotional effects the provera gives. Hubby is going to watch my behavior closely and if he notices I am starting to act crazy then I am to stop the provera. But I think I am will be fine and I am thinking happy thoughts.


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## BronteForever

Yay, Raine. Huge congrats!!

Aayla: good luck getting your meds working together in unison. You got it. When do you plan on starting the IUI then?


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## Trying4first1

lesondemavie said:


> Trying - I'm hanging in there. I feel like I'm through the worst of the grief for now. My worst fear is that we lost our baby and it will just never happen again for us. I just don't understand why it takes us longer, and then after all of this we could just lose the baby again since we have no idea why we lost the first one. Clearly you survive, but I'm sure it's one of the hardest things you've ever been through. At first I thought we conceived once it will happen again, but that just made me expect to see a BFP quickly. I'm at a point where I'm putting less pressure on everything. We're trying, but I'm not really expecting it to work so it's a lot easier when I get those BFNs and need to move on to the next cycle. I'm seeing each cycle as a step closer to more help. Maybe I'll be happily surprised in August, but if not I'm pushing for a referral.
> 
> Can they test for NK cells or is it just a process of elimination? I have severe allergies which are related to the immune system, so I definitely worry about things like that. Right now I'm assuming low progesterone was the cause of my MMC, but we won't ever really know and what is causing the low progesterone anyway right? I worry that egg quality is the cause. Oh and that thought that the baby was healthy but my body killed it haunts me a bit sometimes. So a mixed bag I guess, which is probably pretty normal going through this sort of heartbreak.
> 
> So glad to have this group here for support and hoping we'll all be sharing baby photos in 2017 <3

I know what you mean about hanging in there. I find that you get over the worst but that black cloud is still looming. It never goes away but I think you just learn how to live with it. Like you I also worry about conceiving again. I was hoping that this time would be quicker as it took so long after my last MC. But doesn't look like it's meant to be. Like you I am not expecting it to work either. My period is due in two days and I accept that she is coming. I had my typical night sweats last night and a bit of cramping. Also I have that horrible metallic CM that I get a couple of days beforehand which is a sure sign that I am out for the cycle. I am also not pushing for referrals yet. I think we will be made to wait a year. Even though we have been TTC for 2 years it has only been 6 months/5 cycles since our MMC. 

You can be tested for NK cells but it's very expensive. My acupuncturist has a feeling that are the cause based on when I lost the pregnancies and the fact that it now takes us longer to conceive. 
Progesterone can be a cause of a MMC but most. often there was a chromosomal abnormality. However we never know this unless we have the fetus tested. I only had my last one tested because they will only test after three losses which is outrageous. 

Strange you say about egg quality. I was thinking the same. I was thinking of getting day 3 bloods taken next cycle? I would have to pay for this privately. Also thinking of getting day 21 bloods taken too. I best email tomorrow if AF is due at the end of the week. Are you thinking of getting these done too? 

Hopefully we get our BFP this year. Time is slowly running out for a 2016 BFP but life is full of surprises so you never know :flower:


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## Trying4first1

Raine great results! :thumbup: 

Well had my first accunpunture session. Was very odd. Can't say I felt any different but it's early days. 
However I did come home and cry my eyes out. It was a real pity party. I think I was very overwhelmed and I had been feeling a bit down today anyway. But I read on google that it can make you emotional after and it is a sign that it is working :wacko: 

I'm not convinced at the moment but I am going to give it a try for 6 weeks then decide if it is worth continuing


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## lesondemavie

Ah I see you're in the UK Trying. They do seem to be stricter about not testing until you hit a year with no pregnancy, but MrsU (also in uk) gave it a shot and they agreed. You never know. Here I think it depends somewhat on who your doctor is and how old you are. I'll be 35 next year, so I think I can argue that 6 months ttc after my MMC and 12 months total is plenty. I had my cd21 test back in May and my progesterone level came back at just 3.7ng/ml. They say most MCs are chromosomal chance but by most they mean just about half. The second biggest cause seems to be low progesterone. I've also had DH get an SA (that's private pay here). His numbers were good but motility borderline. I'm on a ton of allergy meds so I don't have the best cm, so I'm playing with that and DH is now on some supplements to see if that helps. Might ask to up my progesterone dosage this cycle as well. We'll see. Thanks for the info on the NK cells. Sounds like acupuncture was a bit cathartic for you so that could be good. Sending hugs your way :hugs:. I totally get what you mean about that dark cloud. You learn to live with it even though you wish you didn't have to.


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## mrs unicorn

Raine - congratulations! Wonderful numbers!

Aayla - really hope you get things working with your meds.

Trying - our paths have crossed on here before, but welcome. Sorry if you've answered this before but are you seeing anyone regarding your mc's? I thought they were supposed to get all the testing started after 3? Which I actually think is very cruel, to make someone suffer so many before looking into it. Like leson said, I'm having some done now and I actually haven't been TTC for a full year at all, and I'm at the end of my 5th cycle since the MMC. I may have lucked out with a sympathetic doctor but there's no harm in asking for tests. I didn't actually ask for them, but it was obvious that's what I was after. She also wasn't concerned regarding length of time for anything apart from that I'd been off the bcp since August even though we didn't start TTC till the October.


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## kmpreston

raine87 said:


> My beta is now 47! Here I was thinking it would be great if it was 20!

Congrats raine!! What's your EDD then?


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## Starlight288

raine87 said:


> My beta is now 47! Here I was thinking it would be great if it was 20!

That's wonderful news!!


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## Aayla

BronteForever said:


> Yay, Raine. Huge congrats!!
> 
> Aayla: good luck getting your meds working together in unison. You got it. When do you plan on starting the IUI then?

I take the provera for 7 days starting today, and then it usually takes about 3 days for af to start. So if AF starts on Aug 4/5 then the IUI should happen around Aug 23/24. Give or take a day depending on when af officially comes. Then I have to wait the 14 days to get the blood test done. I am going to really try to not test early. 14dpo is the day before my sister's bday. It will make a great bday gift for her. 

If it doesn't take we are skipping a cycle as I will be in Vegas and my hubby won't be the day the IUI is supposed to happen.


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## BronteForever

Really hope the IUI works for you. Good luck. The end of August should be here before you know it. Really hoping to start my next IVF cycle then too, but I'd rather it be a good cycle, so I will wait if needed.


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## raine87

Thank you everyone for the well wishes. As you all understand I am cautiously optimistic. DH I think is still in denial! My EDD depends on what date I put into the estimator. If I go from Las AF then it's 3/31/17. If I go from ovulation it's 4/1/17.


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## kmpreston

raine87 said:


> Thank you everyone for the well wishes. As you all understand I am cautiously optimistic. DH I think is still in denial! My EDD depends on what date I put into the estimator. If I go from Las AF then it's 3/31/17. If I go from ovulation it's 4/1/17.

I know what you mean by cautiously optimistic, that's exactly how i am feeling. Go off LMP until you have a scan to give you a more accurate DD. There is a march group on here - March munchkins


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## mrs unicorn

I've been feeling so so ill today. Even though it was bfn this morning I just feel so terrible I did a FRER. It's only an hour hold but both DH and I can see it and it does look pink. I'm scared. I don't think it's real. If it is, I'm scared it's so faint. I think I'm 11/12 DPO. The pics are rubbish but what do you think?
 



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## mrs unicorn

Another
 



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## beemeck

I see it mrsU - remember your O dates could be off. and keep in mind it's totally a bfp frenzy on here so eeek!!!!!! try another after a long hold????!


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## mrs unicorn

Dried
 



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## beemeck

.... girl that's gotta be!!! my fingers are crossed for you!!!!


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks bee. I'm so scared. I went to the flippin gym this morning too!! I'm going to hold for longer and do another. There's no way I can go to bed without a clearer + or - tonight.


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## beemeck

no way mrsu and that's why I didn't even recommend it! :haha: eek I so hope this is it!! don't worry about the gym!


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## BronteForever

Ooh Mrs U, I can see that start of it too, especially on the dried one. Keeping my fingers crossed for you. Eeekkk.


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## Aayla

Mrs U: I totally see that!! eeek. How exciting!!


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## mrs unicorn

Thanks girls. I'm trying to keep myself distracted and grounded (If I am pregnant I won't be bouncing off the walls for a very long time!!) Just went for a walk with DH around the park near us. It's so sunny and warm here for once!


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## lesondemavie

Amazing news MrsU. So happy for you!


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## mrs unicorn

Thank you leson.

3 hour hold. Not that much difference (you prob can't tell in the pics anyway) but it's showing on another brand. I don't think I'll be getting excited until that line is dark though.
 



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## mrs unicorn

Different brand
 



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## beemeck

totally bfp girl! looks great :happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> Different brand

Definite BFP! Got everything crossed so tightly for you


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## mrs unicorn

Thank you. I'm accepting it's a bfp now, but I'll feel more confident once it darkens. We're not celebrating or anything. Just quietly happy about it. Funnily enough I feel really calm about it. I guess we've experienced the worst that can happen....let's just hope we don't have to again.


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## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> Thank you. I'm accepting it's a bfp now, but I'll feel more confident once it darkens. We're not celebrating or anything. Just quietly happy about it. Funnily enough I feel really calm about it. I guess we've experienced the worst that can happen....let's just hope we don't have to again.

That's exactly how I've been feeling for the last two weeks and with every day I feel a little more relaxed and excited


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## beccabonny

Trying - welcome to the group! Sorry for your losses and struggles. I have also heard acupuncture can be very effective and look forward to hearing how that helps you! I've had it for stress relief and found it worked very well, but not at all for migraines. Go figure. I haven't heard too much about NK cells, but the link to stress makes me wonder if there's also a link between them and anxiety. It is sad we have all been through this terrible, terrible thing. I'm glad there are groups like this where we can connect, though :)

Raine, Congrats!! Your levels are awesome!

Mel - congrats!! There seems to be the beginning of a bpf frenzy in here for sure now!

Star - that O can move around! Mine moved a week later, but I don't see why it couldn't come earlier; our bodies and hormones are just so complex, but a temp drop usually indicates O, doesn't it? I'm not as experienced as most of these ladies though. 

MrsU - I think I see something!!! I DEFINITELY see it on the other brand! My last pg I was hitting the gym super hard before I found out (of course I slowed down once I knew), didn't seem to make a difference!

Bronte - can't wait to hear how the meeting with this mysterious doc goes!

Aayla - I'm glad you're taking the anti-depressants as you realized you needed something. I found it such a help earlier in my life. 

AFM - I got a BFP on Sunday morning (image posted on my journal), and am having increasing symptoms, but I've had some light spotting today with maybe three clots the size of the tip of a pencil. Now it's just light red almost to light brown, which I am less freaked out by. I did go in for a beta test (thanks Bee) and go back in for a comparative on Friday. I don't get the results until Saturday when I see the OB. Is there a way to demand test results that I'm missing, because here it seems like nobody is allowed to tell you except for the actual doc, who is impossible to reach. I would like to know my levels today even though I already know I'm pg. Now I have to wait and fret and hope my symptoms don't disappear! According to my apps and such, I'm 5+2. 

Should I attribute this to the BFP Frenzy??


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## lesondemavie

We now have more BFPs than not on our wall in just a matter of a month. Congrats to all expecting. I know you're cautious, but you have to celebrate. I think quietly happy is perfect.

:hugs: to all still ttc...sticking together until we all get babies no matter how or when <3


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## Aayla

I am super happy to see all the bfp's this month! How exciting!! 

Mrs U: I didn't even have to click on the pic to see the second line in the last frer pic and there is definitely a line on the other brand one. I would definitely say you are pregnant. 

Becca: Congrats on your bfp!! I would be just like you wanting to know my results if I had some spotting/bleeding. It sucks that the assistants/nurses can't give us our numbers. I am lucky that we can check our results online. But it can be frustrating when the results are ambiguous and you have to wait for the doc to call.


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## kmpreston

beccabonny said:


> Trying - welcome to the group! Sorry for your losses and struggles. I have also heard acupuncture can be very effective and look forward to hearing how that helps you! I've had it for stress relief and found it worked very well, but not at all for migraines. Go figure. I haven't heard too much about NK cells, but the link to stress makes me wonder if there's also a link between them and anxiety. It is sad we have all been through this terrible, terrible thing. I'm glad there are groups like this where we can connect, though :)
> 
> Raine, Congrats!! Your levels are awesome!
> 
> Mel - congrats!! There seems to be the beginning of a bpf frenzy in here for sure now!
> 
> Star - that O can move around! Mine moved a week later, but I don't see why it couldn't come earlier; our bodies and hormones are just so complex, but a temp drop usually indicates O, doesn't it? I'm not as experienced as most of these ladies though.
> 
> MrsU - I think I see something!!! I DEFINITELY see it on the other brand! My last pg I was hitting the gym super hard before I found out (of course I slowed down once I knew), didn't seem to make a difference!
> 
> Bronte - can't wait to hear how the meeting with this mysterious doc goes!
> 
> Aayla - I'm glad you're taking the anti-depressants as you realized you needed something. I found it such a help earlier in my life.
> 
> AFM - I got a BFP on Sunday morning (image posted on my journal), and am having increasing symptoms, but I've had some light spotting today with maybe three clots the size of the tip of a pencil. Now it's just light red almost to light brown, which I am less freaked out by. I did go in for a beta test (thanks Bee) and go back in for a comparative on Friday. I don't get the results until Saturday when I see the OB. Is there a way to demand test results that I'm missing, because here it seems like nobody is allowed to tell you except for the actual doc, who is impossible to reach. I would like to know my levels today even though I already know I'm pg. Now I have to wait and fret and hope my symptoms don't disappear! According to my apps and such, I'm 5+2.
> 
> Should I attribute this to the BFP Frenzy??

I'm 5+2 as well!! Fingers crossed your betas come back fine :)


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## Starlight288

Mrs.U - congrats!!!! I agree I didn't have to click on the pic with the 2nd FRER!!!
Becca- holy moly!! Congrats 
It's totally a frenzy!!!!

All is good here.. Finally got a positive opk this afternoon! Basically right on time.


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## mrs unicorn

Congratulations becca!!

Leson - just tried to send you a message but your inbox is full!!! Xx


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## lesondemavie

It's clear now. Sorry!


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## beccabonny

Morning, ladies! I hate to bring bad news, but my spotting turned into bleeding and this morning I can't imagine that bean is still there after the flood when I got up. It WAS still a BFP, though, so that's great because we are at least getting a few things figured out. Poor little 5+2 bean. We will keep trying. I'm still so excited for everyone else, and optimistic on this end since I'm 35 next week and with this new loss I'm sure I can ask for some testing.

Would you, the voices of experience, please give me some suggestions on what to ask for at this point? We lost the twins at 9ish weeks and I'm almost certain this one at 5, and I'm hitting 35 a week from tomorrow. I'm just overwhelmed with the amount of information online and can't seem to whittle down to exactly what info I really need to go into the office armed with or what tests to ask for right now. Feel free to PM me if you'd rather. It seems like there should be some kind of guide online? Everything I've found so far is just so broad and generalized. Any help, pointers, or even links to the right sites would be so extremely helpful. Google is not my friend on this!


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## BronteForever

Oh Becca, hon, I'm so sorry to see this. Huge hugs. I'm still hoping your bean is okay. But I know it's not looking good at all. This is just aweful. I hope you are doing alright. 

As far as what to look for, I'd definetly have them check your progesterone and an HSG might be worth it as well to see if anything is blocked in your tubes and they might have been ectopic. A lot of people comment about having blood clotting issues but I'm not sure the exact tests they do. Hopefully someone else can help. 

Sending you lots of hugs. So sorry.


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## kmpreston

Oh Becca I'm so sorry to see such sad news. Please go and get checked out by your doctor - they may be able to offer some insight into what happened and will certainly confirm it all for you


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## Starlight288

So sorry Becca! I know nothing about tests to ask for but I know these ladies will help you out!! Hang in there!


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## lesondemavie

Oh becca :hugs:. I'm so sorry. The first round of tests they seem to do are cd3 and cd21 to check your hormone levels. As Bronte mentioned there is also a test for blood clotting issues. You can maybe even get some vitamin levels checked. Seems vitamin D can be important. I think at 35 with 2 losses they should definitely step up and help. If egg quality is a concern you can start coq10 or ubiquinol. Sending love your way <3


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## mrs unicorn

Becca I'm so so sorry to hear this. I think the girls have covered what I know. The hormonal blood tests are a good place to start, amh, fsh and e2 - I think they are all cd3, apart from amh which can be done any day I think. Then progesterone is done at 7 DPO. I was also going to have a scan afterwards to see if there are any cysts etc etc.

I hope you are as OK as you can be. Have you got an appointment soon to get things checked out? Really hope your bean is hanging on in there. Xxx


----------



## Aayla

Oh becca..I'm so sorry to hear that. I would get your progesterone and thyroid checked. I've only had one mc and they didn't do anything for me and I am 38. They were quite positive I would get pregnant again. But I did get my thyroid checked awhile back long before it and it was off enough that the RE was concerned about miscarriage. So I went on synthroid for awhile. I just got tested again and I am in normal limits.


----------



## lesondemavie

Coming up on my TWW. I don't think there's many of us ttc right now. Star - where are you at in your cycle? How are you getting along?


----------



## Starlight288

I should be 2dpo. I believe I ovulated Wednesday. We had a good run, now to see how it plays out. How are you doing ? Where are you at?


----------



## Aayla

Not technically ttc. Still waiting for this cycle to be over. I have 3 more days of provera and then af should be here within 3 days after that. Once af is here then we are in an active cycle.


----------



## lesondemavie

Not far behind you star. I think I O'd early on today. Should see that spike tomorrow. Feeling lots of pressure this cycle as we come up on the close of a year ttc, and 6 cycles of trying since the MMC. It took 6 cycles before...really hope it doesn't take longer than that this time.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Les - try not to put any pressure on yourself, unfortunately it's out of our hands as to when Mother Nature decides to cooperate. Of course I understand it though (I didn't react too well to it) Have you anything nice planned for the weekend?

My mum and auntie are visiting next week so we'll be cleaning the house and tidying up the garden today. Might squeeze in a walk on the beach. Think we're going to go out for lunch tomorrow and go see the new Bourne film. What's everyone else up to?


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## BronteForever

Mrs U - enjoy the visit from your family. I love that you are close enough that you can just go for a walk on the beach whenever you want. Super jealous. 

I need to clean this weekend as well and stock up on all my healthy foods with a trip to the grocery. So...pretty much a boring, "adult-responsibility" weekend. 

Good luck to all those still TTC. I'm so pleased we had a huge BFP surge in here this month. We definetly needed that!!

Les - hope the TWW treats you well. Hoping you continue the trend and get your BFP soon as well. 

AFM - I'm not technically TTC because I doubt it will happen naturally. But stranger things have happened so while I'm focusing on losing more weight and my health before our next IVF cycle, I will probably throw some closely timed BD sessions in there. Nothing too forced. I started some fertility massage last night and the goal is to look into acupuncture as well. I haven't found anyone locally that seems to focus on fertility acupuncture but I'll need to talk to them further about specifics of what they might be able to do.


----------



## lesondemavie

I'm working this weekend, so nothing too exciting over here.


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> I'm working this weekend, so nothing too exciting over here.

Hoping this is your month Les!! Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. 

Idk what's going on here.. I've had 3 days after O that are around the same temp. I've never had that before. They're around the same temp they usually are after O but no big fluctuations from day to day. Maybe my hormones are just leveling out, guess we'll see. 
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!


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## lesondemavie

I've had cycles with flattish temps and in fact my BFP cycle was one so you never know star. Fx! Hope this is your month too.

I should clarify. I'm working, but it should be a fun day. A few times a year, we have a parent day/night out event for free at our clinic. It's really hard for parents of kids with autism to find babysitters and the divorce rate is super high, so on these events they can drop the kids (including siblings) off at the office for the day and go on a date or hang out with friends or do whatever they want. We fill the day with tons of fun activities and yummy food for the kids. It's exhausting, but also really fun. We usually are working so hard with the kids to catch them up with their peers, but on this day we just get to have fun and enjoy their little personalities.

I have tomorrow off, but I'll probably just need some rest after supervising the event.


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## Aayla

It's my 5 year anniversary today. Hubby is sleeping most of the day though as he works graveyard tonight :growlmad: but we will be having a nice dinner at home before he has to go to work. 

The rest of my time will be spent tidying up the house.


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> I've had cycles with flattish temps and in fact my BFP cycle was one so you never know star. Fx! Hope this is your month too.
> 
> I should clarify. I'm working, but it should be a fun day. A few times a year, we have a parent day/night out event for free at our clinic. It's really hard for parents of kids with autism to find babysitters and the divorce rate is super high, so on these events they can drop the kids (including siblings) off at the office for the day and go on a date or hang out with friends or do whatever they want. We fill the day with tons of fun activities and yummy food for the kids. It's exhausting, but also really fun. We usually are working so hard with the kids to catch them up with their peers, but on this day we just get to have fun and enjoy their little personalities.
> 
> I have tomorrow off, but I'll probably just need some rest after supervising the event.

That sounds like a great program!!!! What excactly is your job? I think I've asked before or thought about asking. It sounds interesting.Just curious because I'm a teacher. 

I've found some things about flat temps and pregnancy but trying not to get my hopes up.


----------



## Starlight288

Aayla said:


> It's my 5 year anniversary today. Hubby is sleeping most of the day though as he works graveyard tonight :growlmad: but we will be having a nice dinner at home before he has to go to work.
> 
> The rest of my time will be spent tidying up the house.

Happy Anniversary!!! Enjoy your dinner!


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## BronteForever

Happy Anniversary Aayla. Hope you have a great evening.


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## Trying4first1

lesondemavie said:


> Ah I see you're in the UK Trying. They do seem to be stricter about not testing until you hit a year with no pregnancy, but MrsU (also in uk) gave it a shot and they agreed. You never know. Here I think it depends somewhat on who your doctor is and how old you are. I'll be 35 next year, so I think I can argue that 6 months ttc after my MMC and 12 months total is plenty. I had my cd21 test back in May and my progesterone level came back at just 3.7ng/ml. They say most MCs are chromosomal chance but by most they mean just about half. The second biggest cause seems to be low progesterone. I've also had DH get an SA (that's private pay here). His numbers were good but motility borderline. I'm on a ton of allergy meds so I don't have the best cm, so I'm playing with that and DH is now on some supplements to see if that helps. Might ask to up my progesterone dosage this cycle as well. We'll see. Thanks for the info on the NK cells. Sounds like acupuncture was a bit cathartic for you so that could be good. Sending hugs your way :hugs:. I totally get what you mean about that dark cloud. You learn to live with it even though you wish you didn't have to.

The U.K. are very strict. Even after my second MC and nearly a year of trying they didn't want to know. Because I am under 35 we have to TTC for a year. I last miscarried at the end of January so me and DH said we will do another 6 cycles and will head straight to the GP if no joy. We would have also been TTC for 2.5 years then so surely they have to do something else!? Just so frustrating that we struggle to stay pregnant and now getting pregnant in the first place takes forever. I wouldn't mind if it took as a long time if we had the guarantee of not miscarrying. 
As you are 35 they should investigate after 6 months (that's what they do here). I would definatley try and se wig you can be referred after the 6 month mark. 
I have heard a lot about progesterone. My gyne does not believe in it though which really annoyed me. I believe that it could be the problem but they won't do anything. 
I have heard that allergy meds can dry up your CM. Have u tried using pre seed? I use it and quite like it as it feels quite natural. 
Thank you for your kind words. Strangley I am looking forward to accunpunture again next week. I am also going to have a session of reiki this summer. That's meant to be very relaxing. 
Hope you are having a fab weekend :flower:


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## Trying4first1

mrs unicorn said:


> Raine - congratulations! Wonderful numbers!
> 
> Aayla - really hope you get things working with your meds.
> 
> Trying - our paths have crossed on here before, but welcome. Sorry if you've answered this before but are you seeing anyone regarding your mc's? I thought they were supposed to get all the testing started after 3? Which I actually think is very cruel, to make someone suffer so many before looking into it. Like leson said, I'm having some done now and I actually haven't been TTC for a full year at all, and I'm at the end of my 5th cycle since the MMC. I may have lucked out with a sympathetic doctor but there's no harm in asking for tests. I didn't actually ask for them, but it was obvious that's what I was after. She also wasn't concerned regarding length of time for anything apart from that I'd been off the bcp since August even though we didn't start TTC till the October.

Hi Mrs unicorn 

Yes we have met before a while ago! Congrats on your BFP! Hope you are managing to keep calm :flower: 

Yeah we had all the testing including genetics and all came back normal. Baby was healthy no issues, which was very upsetting. So we are completely unexplained. So yeah we are just stuck really. The only thing we have been offered is two weekly scans in the first tri. However we have the whole struggle of getting pregnant again first. That doesn't seem to happen easily since I started having D&Cs. 
Anyhow I am hoping that the acupunture will help somehow. 
Your doctor must have been super nice as round here you have to have been actively TTC for a year after each loss. 
I just keep thinking. Only 6 more cycles and if nothing we can go back. We would have been TTC for 2.5 years then so surely they can't turn us away. Just hoping it doesn't come to that.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Les - what a lovely thing to offer. Must be so nice for the parents just to have a few hours together. I'm sure you'll be exhausted afterwards!! Hope you manage to find some time to relax this weekend.

Aayla - happy anniversary!

Trying - I'm sorry. It must be so frustrating having all the tests come back with nothing. I think I was lucky with that doc, maybe she had experienced a loss herself because I cannot imagine, having been through it, telling someone they have to keeping going for a full year. Especially so in your case. I thought after 2 years they look into IUI / IVF? But I'm guessing it sounds like they are guidelines and ultimately it's up to your doctor? I really hope the acupuncture works, you often here great things about it. I think it'll be relaxing either way!


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## Babybows

Hi girls, I've finally decided to join you here. 

Two months ago I had a mmc and lost our first little one at 12 weeks. At 8 weeks everything was fine at my first appointment and ultrasound. At my second appointment at 10,5 weeks, our baby seemed to have no heartbeat any more. It presumably stopped at 8,5 weeks. Even though I was scheduled for a d&c two weeks later, I miscarried naturally after 1,5 weeks. 

It broke my heart in every possible way. Now 2 months later I cherish every moment we went through, also the hardest parts. I also feel ready to ttc again. My OH and I decided to actively try agan from this month on. 

I hope there will be lots of BPS soon for all of us.


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## lesondemavie

BBows - My heart goes out to you. Your story has me a bit teary-eyed here. I know what you mean about cherishing every moment you had. It was such a happy time in our lives. Hope we can all be that happy and beyond again soon. I love the quote in your sig. Honored that you're here for our journies and letting us into yours. Sending love your way :hugs:. There are sunnier days ahead <3

Aayla - Happy anniversary. Fx for that miracle but if not looking forward to your upcoming IUI.

Bronte - I know you've been through the ringer lately. I would love to see that miracle for you as well so that you can be done with all of it. Thinking of you every day <3

Trying - I admire your will so much. It is so true that every cycle is a step closer to that baby.

MrsU, km, raine, bee- hope you and your little beans are all doing well.

Becca - sending more hugs your way girl :hugs: it stinks that it's all we can do in moments like this but do know that we are all thinking for you and wishing you the best.

Star - I'm a clinical psychologist and behavior analyst (BCBA). I primarily work with individuals (kids, teens, and adults) with autism spectrum disorder. I develop and manage programs for in-home, school, clinic, and community programs for a caseload of about 10-12 clients at a time and supervise the staff who work with the kids directly. Forbes actually named the entry-level position in my field as one of the top 10 most rewarding jobs in the nation, and I couldn't agree more. I've also been taking over all training at my company, and I'm hoping for a promotion to director of training in December.

AFM - The event yesterday was awesome, and everyone had a blast. All the kids did a great job - just one tantrum during, and several as they left bc they didn't want to go. I arrived home after 9, and was just so tuckered out, but DH and I managed a pretty great BD one more time just in case. I woke up around my usual temp time and then fell right back asleep. I didn't wake up again until 8!!! I never sleep in that late, but I must have needed it. We spent most of today out trying to save our lavender and trimming some of the more wild looking plants. Just relaxing now, and starting to plan a little housewarming for early September. TMI alert - My tummy's been a bit off since yesterday also a bit odd this time in my cycle, but I feel like P has thrown my gut off a bit. Guess we'll see how the next few weeks go. Upping my dose to 200 mg. FX I can join the frenzy soon.


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## BronteForever

Trying - I'm really hoping the acupuncture will work for you as well. I'm going to be starting myself soon to help with egg quality. It's so fascinating to be little tiny needles can help but I'm definetly up for trying it. If nothing else I've heard it's relaxing and I'm sure it will help with circulation. Really hope it helps you!!

Babybows- welcome but at the same time I'm so sorry for your loss. That is a wonderful attitude to have to charish the time you were given. I really hope you have success as you start TTC again. 

Les - your event sounds fabulous. So glad it went well. Your work sounds so fascinating and I know how needed it is. I supervise all our volunteering at the library and we currently have two volunteers within the autism spectrum that come once a week with their support staff member. I know how important it is and it's fabulous you give the parents a night out like this. 

And thanks for the well wishes. I'd like to be done with this as well!!


----------



## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> BBows - My heart goes out to you. Your story has me a bit teary-eyed here. I know what you mean about cherishing every moment you had. It was such a happy time in our lives. Hope we can all be that happy and beyond again soon. I love the quote in your sig. Honored that you're here for our journies and letting us into yours. Sending love your way :hugs:. There are sunnier days ahead <3
> 
> Aayla - Happy anniversary. Fx for that miracle but if not looking forward to your upcoming IUI.
> 
> Bronte - I know you've been through the ringer lately. I would love to see that miracle for you as well so that you can be done with all of it. Thinking of you every day <3
> 
> Trying - I admire your will so much. It is so true that every cycle is a step closer to that baby.
> 
> MrsU, km, raine, bee- hope you and your little beans are all doing well.
> 
> Becca - sending more hugs your way girl :hugs: it stinks that it's all we can do in moments like this but do know that we are all thinking for you and wishing you the best.
> 
> Star - I'm a clinical psychologist and behavior analyst (BCBA). I primarily work with individuals (kids, teens, and adults) with autism spectrum disorder. I develop and manage programs for in-home, school, clinic, and community programs for a caseload of about 10-12 clients at a time and supervise the staff who work with the kids directly. Forbes actually named the entry-level position in my field as one of the top 10 most rewarding jobs in the nation, and I couldn't agree more. I've also been taking over all training at my company, and I'm hoping for a promotion to director of training in December.
> 
> AFM - The event yesterday was awesome, and everyone has a blast. All this kids did a great job - just one tantrum during, and several as they left bc they didn't want to go. I arrived home after 9, and was just so tuckered out, but DH and I managed a pretty great BD one more time just in case. I woke up around my usual temp time and then fell right back asleep. I didn't wake up again until 8!!! I never sleep in that late, but I must have needed it. We spent most of today out trying to save our lavender and trimming some of the more wild looking plants. Just relaxing now, and starting to plan a little housewarming for early September. TMI alert - My tummy's been a bit off since yesterday also a bit odd this time in my cycle, but I feel like P has thrown my gut off a bit. Guess we'll see how the next few weeks go. Upping my dose to 200 mg. FX I can join the frenzy soon.

Les- wow! You sure have a lot on your plate. But sounds like you love your job. That's great, does sound very rewarding! Hope that promotion works out , sounds like you deserve it!


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## beemeck

hi girls!! still following along and rooting for each and every one of you <3 

I wanted to add that I did acupuncture and loved it! I did it for 4 months and when it wasn't helping with fertility (at least immediately) I stopped just since it was expensive. but it was relaxing and I felt great during and after my sessions. I did notice that my spotting at the end of my TWW improved, so I do think it was doing things. if my problem was physical with my cervix, then no amount of acupuncture could help that. good luck to the ladies starting it!! 

let's keep this BFP frenzy going girls! :happydance:


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## BronteForever

Bee - how frequently did you do your acupuncture appointments? Same question to you Trying. I'd heard once a week should be sufficient, but just curious.

That's not where I'm going to place most of my efforts either, because of cost. But I don't think it will hurt.


----------



## beemeck

I just did once a month per their recommendation ! They did a health assessment on me when I first started and said since I was super healthy I should only need it monthly


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## BronteForever

Thanks Bee. Just curious what other places recommend, so when I follow up I can see what they say. Monthly would probably be perfect. I'm assuming in regards to egg quality it's helping with blood flow and circulation, so I am curious what they will recommend for me if I find a place that can do fertility related acupuncture.


----------



## beccabonny

MrsU - you make me miss the beach! Sounds like a wonderful visit :)

Bronte - good on you for being responsible! What kind of delicious healthy foods did you get?

Les - what a cool thing to do for the parents! I just think that is so great. Sorry you have to work on the weekend, but it sounds like it's for such a good cause! FX for you to join the frenzy. 

Aayla - happy anniversary! 

Trying - do you have the option of switching docs? Maybe this one isn't the right match for you? I'm not sure how it works in the UK, but that is an awfully long time ttc! 

BB - I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It is so heartbreaking. Welcome to our little group. I'm glad you are on the ttc wagon again and I'm sure you will get your rainbow bean soon! 

AFM - the OB confirmed an early embryonic failure this month, so I had that BPF for about three days. My cycles have been getting progressively longer (used to be just 28, now have grown from 29, 31, 36, now 38-40 with the bfp) so we are doing whatever testing the insurance will allow. No infertility is covered, so unless I pay out of pocket or get a better job, I'll be stuck on that front. I think it would be nice to go into the therapy field, possibly with veterans, but I'll probably stay practical and take some accounting courses. I can always continue my education later!

Anyway, count me back into the TTC group! I'm really using the next couple of cycles to get some doctor visits in, get a physical, just kind of work on my body and mind and see if there are any issues that need to be dealt with. 

Sorry for the lengthy post! Hope everyone's week is going well so far :)


----------



## BronteForever

Becca - alot of salads, veggies, and protein. I got real fish this time, so I'm determined to figure out how to cook it. I'm horrible at cooking meats, since I don't really like them. My husband is the primarily cook in our house and is vegetarian. But if I went vegetarian, I'd be even worse at getting protein in and I apparently desperately need protein for my egg quality issues. I've been trying so hard to get more in my diet. 

So sorry again about your loss, but I'm happy you are taking some time to get everything checked out a bit more and then moving forward. Hang in there!


----------



## Aayla

Becca: I am sorry about your loss. Spending time on you is always a good thing. I hope you can figure out what may be wrong, hopefully nothing of course. Sometimes the cycle will change. My O date changed after my mc.

AFM: Day 1 off the provera and I'm already cramping. WOO HOO! Af should be here on time. It's always weird to want her here. :haha: But it's so exciting that in a few days I should be back on letrozole and getting my fsh checked and in about 3 weeks we will be doing the IUI.


----------



## BronteForever

Yay. It's coming up soon Aayla. How exciting!!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Becca - I'm so sorry about your loss :hugs: I hope you manage to get some help quickly. Focussing on yourself during that time is a great idea. I don't know if you like this kind of thing but I tried some mindful apps after my MMC to try and give my mind a break. They kind of worked but I now listen to podcasts instead (not mindful) but for me it has the same effect. It's some time for me to focus on something else completely - and lying down with your eyes shut is always nice.

Aayla - eeeeeekkk! So exciting that you're starting IUI this cycle. Sending you all the luck in the world! Xx


----------



## Babybows

Lesondemavie - Thanks for your kind words. They gave me tears in return. The quote in my sig resembles so much how I have been feeling during this process. I'm glad I already feel like the sun is shining again in my life, it's just the rainbow we're wishing for ;)

Becca and Bronte - Thanks for your kind welcome. 

This month will be our first actively trying again and I'm actually kind of looking forward to counting down the days again to my O and the anxious tww. Although I tell myself everyday not to get my hopes up too high. I can remember the disappointment all too well I went through during our journey to my first pregnancy.

Today I was reading this blog I sometimes follow and I came across the pregnancy announcement of her second baby. She gave birth to her first just in december and is in her second trimester right now. I couldn't help feeling things I'm not entirely proud of. I usually don't get this feeling with pregnancy announcements, though it always hits me hard. How do you girls cope with our people's pregnancies?


----------



## beccabonny

Bronte - yay fish! I can't wait to hear how it goes. Protein is important, but you can get it without meat if you really don't like it - there are legumes and grains like quinoa, etc. I've heard legumes are bad in that they cause inflammation. I dunno, there's so much info out there! I guess meat does make it easier to get that protein, though. Personally I think I might eat too MUCH meat...

Thanks for your comforting words :) I think it's great for me to get tests! I'm wondering about the timing, though. He didn't say anything about certain days, just to go in and get it done. 

Ayla - thank you :) My cycle is being a weirdo. I'm strangely fascinated. Yay for AF showing up! I'm glad you'll be able to move on to your goals! 

MrsU - thank you! I enjoy the mindfulness meditation, but I haven't found a guided one I like so far. What apps/podcasts do you like?

BB - I'm counting down the days as well! I understand what you mean about not getting your hopes up. Even if I get a BFP I'm kind of ruined now. But I must keep moving forward. 

It's natural to have feelings you might not be proud of, but I accept the fact that they will surface from time to time. For me, I just sometimes shut it all out. I guess it's a kind of compartmentalizing. Other times, it's just so easy to be happy for them. When I'm sitting there with my SIL and her big belly, I sometimes feel envious, but I also see the chaos she's surrounded by (this pg is #4 for them in as many years) and how hard it is, and know that I want that too, but I want it in my own way, my own style. What they have is different than what I want in so many ways. I'm trying for what we want, and I'm willing to work towards that and know if I switched places with anyone else, I wouldn't be happy with their situation. I guess after the last loss I'm remembering I have a lot of freedom right now that will be gone when we get that sticky bean. It's worth it of course, but I guess what I'm trying to say is I am realizing there is a lot not to take for granted in my life now and to enjoy it while it lasts, before we get to move into that next phase.


----------



## Trying4first1

mrs unicorn said:


> Les - what a lovely thing to offer. Must be so nice for the parents just to have a few hours together. I'm sure you'll be exhausted afterwards!! Hope you manage to find some time to relax this weekend.
> 
> Aayla - happy anniversary!
> 
> Trying - I'm sorry. It must be so frustrating having all the tests come back with nothing. I think I was lucky with that doc, maybe she had experienced a loss herself because I cannot imagine, having been through it, telling someone they have to keeping going for a full year. Especially so in your case. I thought after 2 years they look into IUI / IVF? But I'm guessing it sounds like they are guidelines and ultimately it's up to your doctor? I really hope the acupuncture works, you often here great things about it. I think it'll be relaxing either way!

Hi Mrs Unicorn. 
Yeah very frustrating. I was hoping for a cause. Sounds daft but at least then there may have been a treatment for us. Being unexplained is so difficult. I find it hard not knowing why we are having so much trouble. 
A year is along time after a MC. It took as 9 months time to conceive again so I am hoping we don't get to that full year. Dealing with secondary infertility on top of all this, well I just don't know how we would get past it. Not worth thinking about. Plus it's only been 6 months so technically still early days. 
I think they normally try fertility drugs first eg clomid depending on what the issue is. But IVF wouldn't be great for us anyway is it won't make us less likely to miscarry. Really hoping we get a BFP again before January. Even if we have another loss at least we know our chances and can move onto a different path. It all seems to be trial and error and the moment. Just wish we could conceive quicker. I hate the idea of it taking the best part of a year again just to potentially have the same crappy outcome :wacko: 

Sorry if that's a bit ranty. It's best to let these things out I find :thumbup:


----------



## Trying4first1

BronteForever said:


> Trying - I'm really hoping the acupuncture will work for you as well. I'm going to be starting myself soon to help with egg quality. It's so fascinating to be little tiny needles can help but I'm definetly up for trying it. If nothing else I've heard it's relaxing and I'm sure it will help with circulation. Really hope it helps you!!
> 
> Babybows- welcome but at the same time I'm so sorry for your loss. That is a wonderful attitude to have to charish the time you were given. I really hope you have success as you start TTC again.
> 
> Les - your event sounds fabulous. So glad it went well. Your work sounds so fascinating and I know how needed it is. I supervise all our volunteering at the library and we currently have two volunteers within the autism spectrum that come once a week with their support staff member. I know how important it is and it's fabulous you give the parents a night out like this.
> 
> And thanks for the well wishes. I'd like to be done with this as well!!

Hi Bronte 
Oh how exciting!! Glad to hear that you are starting acupunture too! 
I said that too, if anything it will help me to relax at least. I havnt gone into it expecting a miracle, just some relaxing for now would help wonders :thumbup: 
I have been told that once a week treatment is good for infertility. My Accunpunturist is Zita West affiliated. She sees all of her patients once a week. 
When are you starting? 
I really hope it helps you too :flower:


----------



## Trying4first1

Babybows I am so sorry for your loss :hugs: you have come to the right place. I am sure that everyone here agrees that B&B has been a great help! 

Becca how are you feeling? So sorry to also hear about your loss :hugs: 
In the UK we can't just see another doctor. We have such strict guidelines here. I love the NHS but on some matters it's all a bit slow. 
We have to try again for a full year before we can be considered for more testing and treatment to help us conceive.


----------



## RichieesMom

Hey girls, so so sorry for my absence! Been trying to stay away since dh n I separated :( thought what's the point. We're done ttc. N since the last time I talked to y'all I was waiting on a period that never showed. A chalked it up to stress! BUT being that I just skipped another month (I know, I'm insane) I finally tested. Resulting in 2 huge BFP tests!!!! I was shaking like u wouldn't believe. If I can figure out how to post pics, I will. Just want to thank all of u for being so awesome to me! I will be going back a long ways to catch up on everyone! 

Btw, don't know what's gonna happen now with my relationship. I guess time will tell. Buts he's happy regardless.


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## kmpreston

RichieesMom said:


> Hey girls, so so sorry for my absence! Been trying to stay away since dh n I separated :( thought what's the point. We're done ttc. N since the last time I talked to y'all I was waiting on a period that never showed. A chalked it up to stress! BUT being that I just skipped another month (I know, I'm insane) I finally tested. Resulting in 2 huge BFP tests!!!! I was shaking like u wouldn't believe. If I can figure out how to post pics, I will. Just want to thank all of u for being so awesome to me! I will be going back a long ways to catch up on everyone!
> 
> Btw, don't know what's gonna happen now with my relationship. I guess time will tell. Buts he's happy regardless.

Sounds a lot like you're 8+ weeks pregnant. Congrats and make sure you get yourself to the doctors office ASAP


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## BronteForever

Richieesmom - so good to hear from you. I've been worried about you as well. I'm not surprised to see you are pregnant, since you were so late before. Huge congrats. Hopefully you can get to the OB's soon, since you are pretty far along now. I'm so sorry to hear you have been going through such a rough time lately and that DH and you separated. Sending you lots of hugs. I'm sure that has to be so hard, especially after finding out you are pregnant now. Really hope things calm down a bit for you and you can work something out with him.

Trying - I haven't found an acupuncturists yet, so I don't have a start date. That's my goal next week. This week has been a bit crazy at work so haven't had much time during normal business hours to track one down. We'll see when they can get me in. 

Bbows - pregnancy announcements definitely get easier with time to endure. I honestly don't really notice them anymore. But at first, it is really tough to see. Hopefully you can avoid as many as possible and ease back into social media and blogs where they might be more common slowly.

Becca - the reason I'd be a bad vegetarian is I really don't like those protein sources  That's funny you think you get too much. I guess we are just opposites


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## Aayla

Awe Richiees I knew it!! That sucks about your relationship though, hopefully you two will work stuff out. 

bbows: You did get used to them over time. Sometimes they will come in waves. Suddenly everyone is pregnant and then for awhile no one is. I get twinges of envy now and then but I have found that I am not doing myself any good sitting and wallowing in despair and envy. That's not living life. But at the same time i'm not jumping to go to the baby shower of my cousin's fiance. lol

i have got to the point that I like watching pregnancy announcement videos on youtube. Sometimes to get ideas, sometimes it's nice to see the joy and freak outs. and some I end up following their journey on instagram and FB. Especially those with fertility issues. Knowing I have successful sisters out there is comforting in a way. 

But it took 6 years to get me here. not everyone will get to this point.


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## mrs unicorn

Richiees - congratulations! I've wondered so many times how you were. So good to hear from you. So sorry you're going through a bad time with your DH. I hope you manage to work things out one way or another. Xx


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## Trying4first1

Hey ladies 
Had acupunture session number 2 today. Thankfully no being over emotional but it has made me feel so tired. I had a little nap after and I'm still struggling now to stay awake. 
I spoke to her about ttc sex and how I'm finding it difficult and feeling very pressured. She said to me to just have sex every other night whenever I see EWCM. She said that should be sufficient. Also it is better for sperm quality than DTD every day when ovulationg. 
She also recommends some prosecco to help me to relax :haha: especially as I can find sex uncomfortable at times due to the stress and frustration. She said that the more relaxed the better. 
So we will see how this cycle goes. EWCM will prob appear on Monday or there abouts


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## Trying4first1

Ladies have any of you watched 'The Great Sperm Race' !? 
I watched it yesterday and wow!! It really puts things into perspective. I can now see why TTC takes so long. I feel more normal now :thumbup: 
I was so fascinated! 
It also confronts that BD every day when fertile isn't good for sperm. Also that men should ejaculate every 3 days. So my acupuncturist knows her stuff :thumbup:


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## lesondemavie

Congrats richiees!

Aayla - I hope I get there at some point.

Trying - I was I bio major, so I felt like I already knew way too much going into this. I said to DH this could take a month or a year...never thought it would take more than that though. I definitely agree on the eod bd. After being at this for so long, it's just easier on the both of us, and hopefully better for his swimmers too!

Star - how's the tww treating you.

Aayla and bronte - Glad you're still at it. Would love to see this happen for you both sooner than later. You just never know!

Bbows - how are you doing?

As for me, on to an RE if this cycle is a bust. We'll see how far out the appointment ends up being. Hoping they can squeeze me in soon.


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## Aayla

No af, no spotting. Other than some mild cramping and some rushing feelings in my abdomen area, nothing to say she is coming. But it doesn't really matter as we got blind sided by a bill that needed to be paid and it was my weekly pay cheque but we are still a week away from his pay cheque. So over half of mine went to it. After bank fees and such we were left with $69 for groceries. So I can't get my letrozole as it is $55. So I am back on the provera for 5 days to hopefully hold her off


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## BronteForever

Trying - it is amazing to think about how anyone manages to get pregnant given all the obstacles. Glad your acupuncture went well and I agree that I've heard every other day BD does increase your chances of getting better sperm. For IVF my husband had to BD three days prior to the procedure and no later to produce optimal sperm. But during natural conception I believe every other day is far preferred to increase chances of catching the egg. Good luck!

Aayla - I'm so sorry about your unexpected expenses and that it has to affect your meds this month. That sucks. I hate when money has to come into play with this on what all you can do to have a child. I wish we could just keep going after this IVF procedure too if it fails but just not sure it's the best option with our money.


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## RichieesMom

Thanks girls, n congrats too all that have gotten their bfp! Quite a few I read!

Bronte I will keep u in my prayers that your next round of ivf goes perfectly. Les n aayla u too as well! 

According to due date calculator n my last ovulation, I'm 13 weeks. Can't get an apmt till insurance card comes in. I must say, the only thing on my mind is worry n stress. Not once did I think about miscarriage with Richiee. But after hearing about yalls past stories I'm so damn nerves. I keep thinking what if there's no heartbeat, what if the baby isn't growing properly, what if what if. Not enjoying this pregnancy so far at all. Praying like mad but still very worried!


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## mrs unicorn

Richiees - I know what you mean. I think it's very difficult to enjoy a pregnancy after a loss. I know yours was a particularly difficult loss too :hugs: you'll be having a scan very soon if you're 13 weeks right? Hopefully that'll give you some peace of mind. I'm having one on Friday at 6+1. I know we won't see much but I can't bear the thought of seeing an empty sac at 10/11 weeks again, I need to know if there's something there or not earlier than that this time (I've actually got 4 scans between 6 and 12 weeks)


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## BronteForever

Yay for having all the scans Mrs U. Hope it helps give you some peace of mind. 

Richieesmom - I agree with Mrs U, I'd imagine it's pretty much impossible to have the same mindset for this pregnancy now given your loss. You just need to accept it and try to do the best you can. It doesn't sound easy at all. I hope the months fly by.


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## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> Richiees - I know what you mean. I think it's very difficult to enjoy a pregnancy after a loss. I know yours was a particularly difficult loss too :hugs: you'll be having a scan very soon if you're 13 weeks right? Hopefully that'll give you some peace of mind. I'm having one on Friday at 6+1. I know we won't see much but I can't bear the thought of seeing an empty sac at 10/11 weeks again, I need to know if there's something there or not earlier than that this time (I've actually got 4 scans between 6 and 12 weeks)

4? That's impressive! They all private? I couldn't even get the NHS to give me one so I have a private one tomorrow at 7 weeks


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## mrs unicorn

Yes 3 are private, apart from the NHS one at 12 weeks. I didn't even bother asking my mw for an early scan as I know they won't do it, just told her we were having some private ones. I think it's pretty common as she wasn't surprised. Good luck today! Xx

Richiees - Bronte is right, it's hard but trying to accept the situation you're in helps. Also, that it's all out of your control. We've not really got too attached yet either. Like we're not actually seeing it as having a baby at the end. It's a bit sad because I loved all the planning etc but hopefully that'll come with time if/when we feel more confident.


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## Gagrlinpitt

Hey ladies, I hope you don't mind me joining in.. I just had my first bfp ever which ended in a cp. We are taking August off and will start ttc again in September... Just wanted to be around ladies who understood.


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## beemeck

always checking this thread to root you girls on and look for more bfps! and yes, us gals totally understand the fears that come with finally getting one! hope you all can get scans soon. mrsu - that's great that you guys are going private. I think it was so good for my sanity (what little I had left! :haha:) to have a lot of scans. even once I knew that it wasn't ectopic, I was still a mess, which in theory, I shouldn't have been. heck, I'm still a mess now, but that's for other reasons :dohh:

good luck girls - push for those scans when the time comes - docs need to be more understanding and know that we need them after a loss!!!

les - good luck with your RE :hugs::hugs: I know everyone is different, but I felt a huge weight off of my shoulders once I started. I hope you can feel the same and that you like your doc. my docs were annoying so I could have hoped for more, but hey, I'm done with them for now so I cant' complain!

aayla - hope AF starts for you soon love. I'm excited for your next cycle. 

becca - how are you holding up girl??? thinking of you!!! 

bronte! :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Aayla

The IUI is out for us until October. We have my brother's wedding next month in Vegas and we just can't put both in our budget and the tickets for the wedding are already bought. We have decided to do one more timed intercourse cycle. No temps, no opks. Just taking the pills and doing it like bunnies. :haha: Now if only af will show her face. I am surprised the provera didn't work. It even worked mid cycle once. No reason why it wouldn't work at the end of a cycle. It's been a week since I stopped the pills. 

so I am waiting out the week and if she isn't here by the end then I will count sunday as cd 1 and go from there. If she appears on monday or tuesday then I will adjust of course. I'm still having slight cramping that tells me she could be coming.


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## Trying4first1

I'm thinking anovulatory cycle over here or a very late ovulation.. CD13 and no EWCM at all. I have a 28 day cycle so even if I did ovulate late then the egg will be no good. 
I was ovulationg on day 15 now it's getting later and later. Hoping this is something My acupuncturist can sort out :thumbup:


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## Trying4first1

Ok I just did an OPK and a line came up. It's not positive but about half the strength so some LH must be developing. I was expecting it to not have a line at all. But why no EWCM? It's very creamy at times or non existant. 
Will start every other day BD tonight anyway just to cover our bases


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## Starlight288

Popping in. AF should be coming, huge temp drop this morning. I think I'm taking a break from charting. I've been pretty regular since m/c so I think I know what's going on and watching the temps fluctuate stresses me out. I've deleted all my TTCgroups except this one. I can't take some of these women. I really commend you all here, we've all been through tough times and are still positive. These are the people I need to be around. &#128077;


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## kmpreston

Starlight288 said:


> Popping in. AF should be coming, huge temp drop this morning. I think I'm taking a break from charting. I've been pretty regular since m/c so I think I know what's going on and watching the temps fluctuate stresses me out. I've deleted all my TTCgroups except this one. I can't take some of these women. I really commend you all here, we've all been through tough times and are still positive. These are the people I need to be around. &#128077;

I couldn't agree more - some of the women on other threads I read drive me insane!


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## Starlight288

Omg! Yes, I have never seen people obsess over any little thing like some of these people do. I don't know how people go through their daily lives like that!


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## lesondemavie

I also had to bow out of my other ttc threads star. I just can't handle it. I will stop P tomorrow and AF should be here by Monday.


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## Gagrlinpitt

I've had to minimize the number of ttc threads I'm in...


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## Trying4first1

Couldn't agree more ladies. 
It's the ones who start moaning after just a month or two of trying that drive me 
bonkers :haha: 
I just have to move along... 

Welcome to any new ladies :flower:


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## Starlight288

Glad I'm not the only one who feels this way!!


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## Trying4first1

Definatley not starlight. 
Also positivity is key. It's lovely to speak to such positive ladies despite their circumstances. 
I know we all get those bad days but on the whole I think it makes things much easier to be upbeat :happydance:


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## lesondemavie

Right now I'm just really making an effort not to compare myself to anyone...and part of that is avoiding triggers best I can. That's their path and this is mine and I just have to own it heartache and all. Just booked a trip for DH and I in November and I feel great about it. Love having something to look forward to plus I'm super distracted by the olympics right now. Soaking in every second I can.


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## Starlight288

Totally agree, positive is the way to go!!!

Where you going Les? 
What Olympic sports have you been watching? I love me some gymnastics!


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## BronteForever

Gagrlinpitt - you kind of got buried there, but welcome to the group. So sorry for your recent CP and your loss. I think taking some time off is helpful to grieve and then get in a frame of mind to start TTC again. Take all the time you need.

Starlight - you are definitely not the only one at all and I think that's probably one of the main reasons they have separated a lot of these boards, so we can be with people that are in similar situations. I actually never even go on the TTC boards, because I don't really feel that's me anymore. I think that's one of the reasons Les started this thread too because TTC #1 after a loss does make us a unique group. Heck my loss happened forever ago, but it still does put us in a unique perspective of not having a child while TTC and the strange feelings you go through, no matter how long ago your loss occurred. Anyway, don't feel bad about staying away. 

Les - yay for booking trips. Where are you going? And I'm an Olympics-aholic as well! Go Team USA (sorry - not sorry- UK friends).


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## kmpreston

It's the insanity that some women who already have kids go to that I just can't fathom. I'm not saying they shouldn't be longing for another. Not at all. Just that in the process of being neurotic about TTC their next baby they must be missing out on their existing children grown up :wacko:


Also - go team GB:haha: and well done USA you're doing so well!


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## lesondemavie

We're heading out to DC to visit my brother and his wife for Thanksgiving. To get cheaper plane tickets we will be there for over a week! I decided that DH and I deserved a trip away just the two of us around there the weekend after thanksgiving, so I booked a little bed and breakfast northern Maryland. There are breweries, mountains/waterfalls, and Bryan Voltaggio's restaurant! I think my brother is a little sad that we're leaving him early, but we so need it.

What sport don't I love at the Olympics? I've mostly been watching tennis (my dad played in college and taught me as a kid...fond memories) and beach volleyball (so fast paced and fun and love seeing Walsh still killing it) these past two days. Swimming as well (I hate swimming myself but am amazed at these athletes and what they can do always get faster and stronger). 

I may be biased :) but I LOVE seeing such strong women doing amazing things. Women are not televised often in sports and this is one of the few times we get to see how amazing they really are! I also love to see the world all come together as one: Selfie

I can't wait for Track and Field (my event from high school), and I watch gymnastics (another sport I did but just up until high school...my sister kept going and was captain of the high school team). Love soccer (family sport...I have a few cousins who play pro), and also Volleyball (just because!).

A friend posted this article, and my husband read it while I was watching a silent game of tennis with Venus Williams (poor girl she looked so sick) yelling at the screen and cheering when she scored. He had a good chuckle...yea not a sports fan at all...

RE appointment booked for November 8th. Three months out as expected. Hopefully they have something open up sooner. Then this girl can find out if she has small follicles and get the problem fixed. It seems like such an easy thing to diagnose and fix...such a shame that I have to wait so long for help on it...

My brother and SIL have been trying since October last year (so just 2 months after me and DH), but she is not ovulating and she was recently diagnosed with PCOS. People pay attention to that problem so she's already in with an ob who specializes in PCOS. She didn't respond to Clomid, so they're trying inositol for 6-8 weeks and then Clomid again. I feel like if they can just get her ovulating she'll be pregnant in no time, which would be amazing for them. Thanksgiving then would be incredibly happy and hard at all once. I realized that this might not be easy for us from the start. I never imagined losing my first, and I never realized how bittersweet this journey would be. Trying to build up the strength now to get through my EDD next month and meet my little nephew who was born in July.


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## Starlight288

BronteForever said:


> Gagrlinpitt - you kind of got buried there, but welcome to the group. So sorry for your recent CP and your loss. I think taking some time off is helpful to grieve and then get in a frame of mind to start TTC again. Take all the time you need.
> 
> Starlight - you are definitely not the only one at all and I think that's probably one of the main reasons they have separated a lot of these boards, so we can be with people that are in similar situations. I actually never even go on the TTC boards, because I don't really feel that's me anymore. I think that's one of the reasons Les started this thread too because TTC #1 after a loss does make us a unique group. Heck my loss happened forever ago, but it still does put us in a unique perspective of not having a child while TTC and the strange feelings you go through, no matter how long ago your loss occurred. Anyway, don't feel bad about staying away.
> 
> Les - yay for booking trips. Where are you going? And I'm an Olympics-aholic as well! Go Team USA (sorry - not sorry- UK friends).


What do you like watching?!


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> We're heading out to DC to visit my brother and his wife for Thanksgiving. To get cheaper plane tickets we will be there for over a week! I decided that DH and I deserved a trip away just the two of us around there the weekend after thanksgiving, so I booked a little bed and breakfast northern Maryland. There are breweries, mountains/waterfalls, and Bryan Voltaggio's restaurant! I think my brother is a little sad that we're leaving him early, but we so need it.
> 
> What sport don't I love at the Olympics? I've mostly been watching tennis (my dad played in college and taught me as a kid...fond memories) and beach volleyball (so fast paced and fun and love seeing Walsh still killing it) these past two days. Swimming as well (I hate swimming myself but am amazed at these athletes and what they can do always get faster and stronger).
> 
> I may be biased :) but I LOVE seeing such strong women doing amazing things. Women are not televised often in sports and this is one of the few times we get to see how amazing they really are! I also love to see the world all come together as one: Selfie
> 
> I also can't wait for Track and Field (my event from high school), and I watch gymnastics (another sport I did but just up until high school...my sister was kept going and was captain of the high school team). Love soccer (family sport...I have a few cousins who play pro), and also Volleyball (just because!).
> 
> A friend posted this article, and my husband read it while I was watching a silent game of tennis with Venus Williams (poor girl she looked so sick) yelling at the screen and cheering when she scored. He had a good chuckle...yea not a sports fan at all...


Oh DC will be great! So much to do there. Sounds like a wonderful getaway!!


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## lesondemavie

Also welcome gag and yes that is why I started this thread. Totally welcoming safe place for all who are going through any kind of loss and trying to find the strength to keep on ttcing for baby #1.


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## Gagrlinpitt

Bronte And leson thank you for the kind welcome. Today is one of those days where I just want to crawl into a hole.. I just feel blah...


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## BronteForever

Les - November 8? Dang. I hope they can get you in sooner. Mine was supposed to be a 3 month wait as well and then they got cancellations. So fingers crossed for you. What makes you think you have smaller follicles and what would that entail? Would that mean you aren't properly ovulating either then or ovulating immature eggs? Sorry, I'm so engrossed in assisted conception now that I'm not sure I know what follicle size relates to normally.

I love your sports obsession. I agree completely that I love seeing women in sports featured so much. Some of you know I played roller derby, but even though it was a semi-professional sport (which FYI - I didn't play at that level) they weren't even featured in the sports section of the newspapers until this year in my area. Granted that has something to do with it being perceived as a non-sport and being staged due to the 70s era of televised roller derby, but it's not like that at all anymore. Anyway, I celebrate women athletes being featured as well because they are not featured nearly as much as men's sports!

My favorites to watch are probably gymnastics (even the rhythmic and trampoline ones, which are super cool), diving, and volleyball (both beach and indoor - I also played that throughout school and took volleyball camps with Lloy Ball and Arnie Ball - whom neither coach the USA team or play anymore, but I still enjoy watching both the mens and women's teams. I'd love to see Walsh-Jennings win her fourth gold. That would be quite an achievement.).

I don't mind track and field and swimming but they seem to go on forever and I like them at first and am ready to move on. I watch mostly the finals for all those. 

And of course table tennis and badminton are fun, because how often are those televised?


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## RichieesMom

Hey girls, just a quick update n then I will stay more n the sidelines n cheer! 

Went into a small clinic here in my very small home town n I got to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Found it pretty fast! My first apmt with my dr is on the 23rd, can't wait. 

I will continue to pray for all of us.


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## Starlight288

RichieesMom said:


> Hey girls, just a quick update n then I will stay more n the sidelines n cheer!
> 
> Went into a small clinic here in my very small home town n I got to listen to the baby's heartbeat. Found it pretty fast! My first apmt with my dr is on the 23rd, can't wait.
> 
> I will continue to pray for all of us.

Aww! So exciting!&#10084;&#65039;


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## BronteForever

Richieesmom - yay for finding the heartbeat. So excited and happy for you!

Les - forgot to mention have fun in DC area. The bed and breakfast sounds like a great idea. If you like one in particular you must share the name of it. My sister also lives in the DC area so we go out periodically. It might be fun to try some new places while there for a mini vacation as well.


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## Aayla

Richees: that's so great you got to hear the heartbeat. 

Welcome Gagrlinpitt! 

Trying: why would the egg be no good? Is it because of the possibility of short LP? Sometimes when you ovulate late the LP stays the same giving you a longer cycle. I have 35 day cycles and before the mc ovulated on cd 17. Now it's cd 19/20. 

Star: I'm not charting anymore either. This month we are doing another timed cycle and I know I O on cd 19/20 so I know to do it around that time. I have to use opk's for the IUI, which is stupid because I surge the same day I ovulate. But I hear you on the TTC forum front. I barely use this one anymore. i stick to my regular threads now and I don't go searching for new ones. It's so hard to see some posts. And not the bfps. It's the constant "I'm out because I didn't get a positive at 7dpo" posts. or "It's 4dpo, I have no symptoms..I'm out" posts. 

I've been watching the Olympics online. Particularly the diving and cycling. I am looking forward to the Triathlon on the 18th. That's my favorite, along with diving. The others I kind of just watch here and there. 

AFM: no af yet but I had loads of cramping today. If she could hold of 2 more days that would be great. I am going away the last weekend of the month without hubby and if af comes tonight or tomorrow then I can't go as I will ovulate that weekend. So now I am hoping she stays away for just a little bit longer :haha:


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## Starlight288

Aayla said:


> Richees: that's so great you got to hear the heartbeat.
> 
> Welcome Gagrlinpitt!
> 
> Trying: why would the egg be no good? Is it because of the possibility of short LP? Sometimes when you ovulate late the LP stays the same giving you a longer cycle. I have 35 day cycles and before the mc ovulated on cd 17. Now it's cd 19/20.
> 
> Star: I'm not charting anymore either. This month we are doing another timed cycle and I know I O on cd 19/20 so I know to do it around that time. I have to use opk's for the IUI, which is stupid because I surge the same day I ovulate. But I hear you on the TTC forum front. I barely use this one anymore. i stick to my regular threads now and I don't go searching for new ones. It's so hard to see some posts. And not the bfps. It's the constant "I'm out because I didn't get a positive at 7dpo" posts. or "It's 4dpo, I have no symptoms..I'm out" posts.
> 
> I've been watching the Olympics online. Particularly the diving and cycling. I am looking forward to the Triathlon on the 18th. That's my favorite, along with diving. The others I kind of just watch here and there.
> 
> AFM: no af yet but I had loads of cramping today. If she could hold of 2 more days that would be great. I am going away the last weekend of the month without hubby and if af comes tonight or tomorrow then I can't go as I will ovulate that weekend. So now I am hoping she stays away for just a little bit longer :haha:

Hope she stays away for a few more days! I think stepping away will be good for me, shockingly though DH said keep doing it if you want to. I thought for sure he'd say get rid of it, as I stress him out!

You got it those are the posts in talking about, the whining. I have myself a good cry when she shows up too but I can't sit and dwell on everything and be so negative!


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## Starlight288

Do any of you have horrible mother in laws?? Mine is the devil I swear. I could write a book about all the crap she's done. But anyway we don't speak to her for many reasons ( ruining my wedding pics, not telling us my SIL sold a car we fixed up for her). But she won't stay away. She send DH a text about how much she loves him ( her guilt trip) & that she wants to sit down and talk with just him. Right there shows me she doesn't wanna talk she wants to manipulate. Which is all she ever does!


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## Starlight288

Okay so scratch my MIL vent! Sorry! I got a better dilemma. AF is due today on Tuesday my temp dropped like a rock ( which happens right before AF). Then went back up Wed. I tested with IC and got faint line after time limit - I'd say within 10 min but not sure. Today, slightly darker but doesn't come up right away.
Idk if it just too early, I didn't get positive until 16dpo last time & today is 15dpo. Thoughts? I'm not getting my hope up until the lines are darker.

These are today ..
https://i64.tinypic.com/idspxf.jpg


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## beemeck

girl that's it!!!!!!! BFP frenzy continues!!!!

and ps. my mother in law (and FIL) are the worst people ever. It took a long time, but we've cut them out of life completely. actually it was a two way street - they cut us out too. It's so much better when we aren't in contact!!!!


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## Starlight288

beemeck said:


> girl that's it!!!!!!! BFP frenzy continues!!!!
> 
> and ps. my mother in law (and FIL) are the worst people ever. It took a long time, but we've cut them out of life completely. actually it was a two way street - they cut us out too. It's so much better when we aren't in contact!!!!

Ahh! Thanks! I'd like to see it get darker!

Glad I'm not the only one.. Seriously we've had such a good year without talking to her!!! I wish she'd cut us off too haha!


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## mrs unicorn

Yey starlight that looks bfp to me! have you tried a FRER or something more sensitive?

Also on the MIL front, mine summoned DH over to hers on New Year's Day a couple of years ago. She texted him at 11pm on NYE saying she had to speak to him alone. He drove over (2hrs) just for her to complain for a good 3 hours about how we hadn't considered her enough in our wedding, Christmas and general life plans! Don't think we've ever really forgiven her for that.


----------



## Starlight288

mrs unicorn said:


> Yey starlight that looks bfp to me! have you tried a FRER or something more sensitive?
> 
> Also on the MIL front, mine summoned DH over to hers on New Year's Day a couple of years ago. She texted him at 11pm on NYE saying she had to speak to him alone. He drove over (2hrs) just for her to complain for a good 3 hours about how we hadn't considered her enough in our wedding, Christmas and general life plans! Don't think we've ever really forgiven her for that.

No, not yet. I have a digi but I'm waiting on that. Which is the most sensitive FRER or something else? I'm not up to date on test sensitivity.


Omg that'd be something my mother in law would do. She likes to appear on holidays and guilt trip/demand things. Which is exactly why she'd want to sit down just with DH so she can complain and blame things on me. She has already told DH grandparents that she has "issues" with me and that in the problem. Yet, I've honestly done nothing to her but call her out on her BS.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Yep FRER are definitely the most sensitive. Digis are not very sensitive so I wouldn't do that just yet. Good luck!!!

I just keep out of the MIL stuff now. I don't speak to her on the phone or anything but we're all nicey - nice when we do see each other. She's not too bad most of the time but if / when we do have a baby I know that'll be a whole new battle or source of aggro!


----------



## Starlight288

mrs unicorn said:


> Yep FRER are definitely the most sensitive. Digis are not very sensitive so I wouldn't do that just yet. Good luck!!!
> 
> I just keep out of the MIL stuff now. I don't speak to her on the phone or anything but we're all nicey - nice when we do see each other. She's not too bad most of the time but if / when we do have a baby I know that'll be a whole new battle or source of aggro!

Thanks, maybe I'll pick one up later today. 

Yeah I'm not looking toward to involving her with a baby. She pissed me off last time bc she never asked one word about our baby but then came knocking on our door wanting to "talk about our issues" days after our m/c. I wanted to punch her out!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Wow! She sounds like a piece of self-centred work!!


----------



## Starlight288

mrs unicorn said:


> Wow! She sounds like a piece of self-centred work!!

You have no idea!!!


----------



## BronteForever

Starlight - I'm remaining cautiosly optimistic for you. I definitely see something, but I agree it would be nice if it came up sooner. Hope it's great news for you. Let us know how the other tests go.

Sorry you are having MIL issues. That's no fun at all. My MIL is pretty great and we don't have issues with my in-laws at all. Even regardless there's always something small that comes up that annoys us. Most of it's revolved when they have to come stay with us for the weekend. It would be easier if we didn't have that many days together  Hope you can get it worked out. 

Wow - Mrs. U and Bee - so sorry you have in-law issues as well. Bee I knew you did and it's great if it has worked to cut them out and everyone is happy.


----------



## beemeck

It's hard to say, but if I had to guess I think it's been best for everyone involved. I suspected it had been for DH, and now he admits that it has. I think it's def better for his super emotional mother that does nothing but sob every time there are interactions. His dad might be the only one hurting, but again that's for his own selfish reasons - we don't need to open that can of worms again lol. 

glad that you get along with yours well! life is just so much easier when we can all get along!


----------



## Starlight288

Thanks Bronte! I'm being very cautious as well. It was just so odd bc I was sure she was coming Tuesday. So I'll be waiting to see

Glad you have a good MIL. Honestly we were good at the start then pyscho SIL came in for our wedding and all he** broke lose. Then I started to see this side. I think she has some issues mentally. Like she can't be happy for her children unless it directly relates to her.


----------



## Aayla

Star: I totally see lines on both of those!! My MIL is a drug addict and a thief. We have no contact with her. My DH has dealt with her issues all his life. She was a dabbler before hand but then one of her children died a very tragic death at a young age. And then she fell into the rabbit hole, as it were, and never came out. I've met her a few times but she isn't in our life. His dad used to be an alcoholic and separated from his mom eons ago. We talk on FB but don't see much of him. But that's mainly a transportation issue more than anything else. He was at our wedding. He's a nice man. 

Despite his mom's issues, I almost feel blessed for them as I don't have to deal with MIL butting in issues.


----------



## lesondemavie

So DH and I are going to do a nice dinner this weekend and I'm going to take a break from everything for a bit. I'll be back around fertile week, and still cheering everyone on in pregnancy and ttc.

Looks like a BFP for you star. Congrats!


----------



## mrs unicorn

lesondemavie said:


> So DH and I are going to do a nice dinner this weekend and I'm going to take a break from everything for a bit. I'll be back around fertile week, and still cheering everyone on in pregnancy and ttc.
> 
> Looks like a BFP for you star. Congrats!

A break will do you good hun :hugs: we'll miss you though :hugs:


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## BronteForever

Enjoy your dinner Les. Sounds fun!


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## Starlight288

Aayla said:


> Star: I totally see lines on both of those!! My MIL is a drug addict and a thief. We have no contact with her. My DH has dealt with her issues all his life. She was a dabbler before hand but then one of her children died a very tragic death at a young age. And then she fell into the rabbit hole, as it were, and never came out. I've met her a few times but she isn't in our life. His dad used to be an alcoholic and separated from his mom eons ago. We talk on FB but don't see much of him. But that's mainly a transportation issue more than anything else. He was at our wedding. He's a nice man.
> 
> Despite his mom's issues, I almost feel blessed for them as I don't have to deal with MIL butting in issues.

Oh wow! You definitely don't want to around those types of problems. Glad his dad got away and bettered himself.


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> So DH and I are going to do a nice dinner this weekend and I'm going to take a break from everything for a bit. I'll be back around fertile week, and still cheering everyone on in pregnancy and ttc.
> 
> Looks like a BFP for you star. Congrats!

Enjoy your dinner and your time away! We'll miss you but the time away will be good.


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

So one of my co workers found out about my cp and had the audacity to ask "well can you really consider that a miscarriage.. Were you really even pregnant..". I really just want to punch her in the face. Can't even chalk that up to being immature as she is 36.. I'm just considering it stupid and moving on.


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## BronteForever

Gag - so sorry. I've had some really insensitive stuff said to me at times as well. And usually people don't really know what to say and are trying to be helpful, but it's often not.

Sometimes I use it as a teaching moment or sometimes I just ignore it. Hopefully you can do either of that with her.

I actually don't know a ton about CP's either, despite being on these boards. But what I do know is that no matter when you lose your pregnancy or how far along you are is that it's a horrible experience. I never knew how bad it was until I experienced it myself.

Hugs again!


----------



## Trying4first1

Aayla- yeah I'm worrying about a short LP. I used to have a short one, 9 days before MC number 2. I guess I just panic that it will go back that way. Also I heard that late O and a short LP doesn't produce good quality eggs. 

Starlight that is def a BFP girl. Congrats!! :thumbup: 


CD15 here and had my 3rd Acupunture session today. She told me that I had just ovulated. Eeek! Was not expecting that! I came home and took an OPK and it was blazing positive! So feel like we have not BD enough and have missed the boat. We have only BD twice this fertile window. Today on ovulation day at about 6pm and on Tueday. PM, which was two days before ovulation. We were tempted to do it last night as we were in the mood but we said no we will wait due to it not being good for sperm (we were told to DTD every other) then I go and ovulate early! Arghhh! I would have done it last night too! 
But hey what the hell. There's always next month. I am not going to dwell on it as its too late now :haha:


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## Aayla

Trying: I think your timing was fine. You did it today and if she was right about you ovulating today then that is fine. It's also possible she is wrong as I don't put much stock into someone knowing when ovulation happened by acupuncture. but if the OPK is positive today it is likely ovulation will happen tomorrow if it didn't happen today. And the day before is also a good day for timing. 

Les: hope you have a great dinner and some relaxing time away. 

AFM: I got spotting today!! So happy. The fertility doc also called to go over the IUI procedure. It got me excited to do this again. so I have talked to hubby and we are going to take a good hard look at our budget. I'm also only working about 20 hours a week right now but I could easily work 40. But it's been nice to not really have to. But double the money is nice. and I just got a small raise. We would have most of the amount in one week if I worked 40 hours.

time to not be so lazy and complacent and work full time now.

so it looks like IUI is back on. I am spotting more regular as the night goes on so I should expect af tomorrow or Saturday. The IUI should happen on Aug 30 or 31st.

They want to go by OPK's. I am to use clear blue or first response (regular not digi) and do it with fmu. I have never got a surge with fmu. Always around 7pm. And before the mc I was lucky and surged the day before I ovulated. Now I surge the same day. They didn't understand how I knew that. I told them I temp. So I would get the surge, and the next day I would get the temp spike. I know I ovulate on cd 19 or 20. I asked if I could just book it for a specific day since I know when I ovulate. They said that yes, it is possible as I am the paying customer but they really do want to try and rely on the opk.


----------



## Trying4first1

Hi Aayla 
Yeah I guess it's not as bad as I think. It's beacause other months we normally DTD for 4 days or so in a row. That isn't giving us any results so maybe less is more? To be honest it was nice having more of a relaxed cycle as it was all getting too much. Although I now felt like we didn't give it our all. 

I think I did ovulate yesterday as I got some pains and I have ovulated the day of a positive OPK before. Just hope that yesterday's spermies had enough time to get where they needed to go. But if not there were some left from two days before I hope. I read that the best time to conceive is having sex two days before ovulation as the sperm are at a good level of maturity. 

Fab that you will soon be having a rround of IUI :thumbup: If you know your cycle well then booking it wouldn't be a problem. Especially if you ovulate that day of a positive OPK it doesn't give them much warning so it will be in their best interest to let you book in &#128522;


----------



## BronteForever

Trying - yeah you should be fine on timing. It doesn't hurt to do a session post ovulation too. And don't feel bad for not doing it every day, as you mentioned that can actually be less effective. You got it.

I'm so curious how the acupuncturist actually knew you'd ovulated then. How could she tell?

Aayla - yay for an upcoming IUI. Great news. Good luck!


----------



## Aayla

Trying: the egg lives for 24 hours once released. Ideally, so they say,she likes to have sperm waiting for her and since you did it 2 days prior I think there would be and you did it the day of. There are ladieswho only did it once 5 days prior who got pregnant (although I think this is rare). But it does happen. So who knows? Will you be testing early or waiting for af to be late?

Gag: you are going to get all sorts of inconsiderate and rude comments. Most people don't think of mc as any big thing. Until they go through it. My dad told me that I wasn't really pregnant until 12 weeks because that is the normal cut off time for abortion. I just had to nod and sort of agree. I understood his sentiment and what he was trying to say but it still floored me. 

AFM: cd 1 today!! Thank goodness my blood labs are open on a Sunday. That is day 3 and I have to get day 3 blood work done.


----------



## Starlight288

Well not sure what that was, late period or possible chemical. My temp was 97.72, not as high but still well above my cover.The longest LP I've had was 15 days and that was coming off of BC. Since my m/c they've all been 13. This was 16, but she arrived. I'm thankful bc I thought my cycles we're going to be all messed up. So hopefully they won't be off much.


Hope it's a great weekend for you all.


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## BronteForever

Oh I'm so sorry Star. Hugs!!


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## Aayla

Star: I'm sorry to hear that.


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## Starlight288

Thank you.


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## Trying4first1

BronteForever said:


> Trying - yeah you should be fine on timing. It doesn't hurt to do a session post ovulation too. And don't feel bad for not doing it every day, as you mentioned that can actually be less effective. You got it.
> 
> I'm so curious how the acupuncturist actually knew you'd ovulated then. How could she tell?
> 
> Aayla - yay for an upcoming IUI. Great news. Good luck!

Thanks Bronte. 
I am not expecting a BFP but I know that we had a 'try' even if it wasn't our best go. Maybe we need to relax more as maybe too much BD does more harm than good. I said to DH that next cycle maybe we need to start every other day from CD10 just incase we get a surprise early O again. 

She was able to tellfrom my pulse. Creepy! Last week she also said to me that ovulation is 7-8 days away. I didn't believe it but she was right! Next time I will listen more as wasn't prepared at all this cycle :haha:


----------



## Trying4first1

Aayla your right. As long as there was some sperm there ready and waiting. Even though it's not much there were some which would be better than none :thumbup: 
I won't test unless AF is late as I don't like to see a BFN. I am away anyway at the end of my cycle which will be good as there will be no temptation to test. Also it will help the last part of the TWW to be a bit easier. 
Also if I get AF it should be less of a blow as I will be super busy &#128522; 
Did you get your AF? 


Star- I am so sorry :hugs: I think you experienced a chemical as there was a def line on the test. Sadly they happen all to often. Just so cruel as you get your hopes up of a BFP. I feel for you, I have been there too. It's a very confusing time. 
Really hoping your next one is round the corner :flower:


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## Aayla

I did get af. CD 2 today. Go for my fsh test tomorrow and start the letrozole tomorrow. Then opk's from cd 12 ish. I don't ovulate until around cd 19. They want me to start at cd 10 because they keep liking to think I ovulate on cd 14. No matter how many times I tell them I don't. 

So now I am unsure of what to do as I sometimes don't see a surge until the day I ovulate and I never see anything in the morning, usually around 7pm. But they want me to test with fmu. 

I am tempted to book my iui on cd 19 and be done with it.


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## Starlight288

Trying4first1 said:


> Aayla your right. As long as there was some sperm there ready and waiting. Even though it's not much there were some which would be better than none :thumbup:
> I won't test unless AF is late as I don't like to see a BFN. I am away anyway at the end of my cycle which will be good as there will be no temptation to test. Also it will help the last part of the TWW to be a bit easier.
> Also if I get AF it should be less of a blow as I will be super busy &#128522;
> Did you get your AF?
> 
> 
> Star- I am so sorry :hugs: I think you experienced a chemical as there was a def line on the test. Sadly they happen all to often. Just so cruel as you get your hopes up of a BFP. I feel for you, I have been there too. It's a very confusing time.
> Really hoping your next one is round the corner :flower:

Thank you. Yeah I think everything points to it being a chemical. Hoping this was my body's way of getting ready for the real deal.


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## mrs unicorn

Star - I'm so sorry :hugs: it's so cruel after seeing a line. Hope you're as OK as you can be. Xxx


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## Starlight288

Thanks. Overall I'm okay. I'm trying not to think about what could of been. Just trying to realize it wasn't the time yet. And I know this. I haven't shared a lot but this year was a doozie besides our m/c my husband lost his job right before- still hasn't found one. And I hated every second of my job last year. So slowly things are getting better, trying to be hopeful that our time is around the corner. Because 2016 was not our year.


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## BronteForever

Star - it does seem to feel like a lot of major life events or trials often happen close together. So sorry you are going through one of those periods right now. Really hope your husband is able to find some work and you'll get to find a job that suits you more and is more enjoyable. Those are all really important. 

Good luck. And more hugs in the meantime.

Trying - so fascinating they can tell that from a pulse. So interesting. And my husband and I did lots of more relaxed months. It honestly made the process much more bearable. I stopped temping early on and didn't do opks much once I learned to trust my body's natural signals more. Now granted looking back we definetly should have went for help much sooner but we had a strong suspicion IVF was going to be our only option and just weren't ready for it physically, emotionally, and financially at the time. Wish I would have been because I probably would have had much more success. But I can't change that now. But I'm glad we saved ourselves a lot of unneeded stress by being a bit more relaxed each month along the way.


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## Aayla

The pulse thing makes a bit of sense. There are some women that have had their fit bit detect ovulation based on their hear rate. I don't think it said anything specific but they probably noticed that their heart rate changed when they went into the TWW. 

AFM: did my day 3 FSH and Estradiol tests. My FSH was 4.8miU/L and My Estradiol was 94 miU/L. Some things say my FSH is fine and I have a good reserve with that number but some things say it is low and this shows I have PCOS (which I know I have). My Estradiol is low for sure and I knew this would be the case with PCOS. Now I just wait for the doc to call, if they will. Not sure if they are going to go over the results me. 

Since today is day 3 I started my letrozole today. I will be using opk's starting day 12 and if I don't get a positive by the end of cd 19 I am going to ask for an ultrasound to see what is going on. I am going to make sure we have sex just in case we miss the window for the IUI.


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## BronteForever

Those actually look pretty good to me Aayla. The FSH is pretty much smack in the middle of the normal range which is good. 

I can't remember what my E2 was at day three and I'm sure it's completely different for IUI. But I think that number comes a lot more into play as the cycle goes on. 

What has become one of my favorite sites throughout this process talks about the numbers a bit and it says your E2 is a smidge high for a day 3, but barely. I think every site and source has different info too so you are always going to get conflicting info it seems. It's super frustrating. 

Also with PCOS and at least IVF the E2 numbers I've seen all seem to be elevated in the PCOS women so I'd imagine you might expect that with the IUI. 

Good luck. Excited for you to start!!

https://www.advancedfertility.com/day3fsh.htm


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## Aayla

awesome thanks! I will definitely look more into that site.


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## beccabonny

Gag - sorry about that insensitive comment! Ugh, people just don't know, do they? 

Trying - sounds like acu went amazingly for you! It's incredible she could tell so much. As for BD, there is next month, but you never know, you could get lucky! Last time I had a BFP we dtd like five days before ovulation (based on OPK and temp), so anything is possible!

Aayla - yay for af! Sounds like you're right on track. I'm excited to follow your progress. That's only a couple weeks away! If you know your cycle that well why not just book it? I know they want you to test, but it sounds like there would be a chance of missing it that way?

Star, glad your cycles aren't off too much and you're staying positive. And I'm sorry that happened. Something similar happened to me last month :hugs: Somehow I have more hope at least knowing my body can get that BFP after the last loss even if this wasn't the one. Here's to a better future because we are on the upswing. 

Les - I hope you had a great weekend!

Bee - when are we going to see that new journal? Did you start it yet?

AFM, I'm kind of relaxing on TTC this month. I had EWCM last week so I guess I ovulated, but the tests have been inconclusive since the family was here over the weekend and I was too distracted to test. So it may have gone by. Our BD has been better than last month, so who knows. I'm feeling very ok either way.


----------



## Aayla

The only reason I am reluctant to book it is because my O date has changed a couple of time. Before the mc it was cd 17. Then after it was cd 19 until last cycle where it switched to cd 20. So I'm not completely confident on the date it will be. If it goes back to cd 19 and we do the IUI then that's great but if it changed to cd 20 or even 21 then we did it too early and the sperm don't survive that long. Or if it changes back (which I hope not because I will be out of town that day without hubby), then we will miss our shot. 

Thankfully we only pay when hubby goes in to do his thing. so missing it won't be a big deal and we can just BD.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - Do they require you to schedule it this early? It's a tough call because you definetly want to catch the window but since timing is important it might not hurt to wait and see. Good luck on the decision!

Becca - so pleased you are feeling a bit more relaxed especially after your emotionally tough last cycle. Hugs, Girl.


----------



## Aayla

No they don't. They want to wait until I get a positive opk. So that will be what we do I think. I will be testing twice a day to make sure I catch the surge. I will start testing on cd 12. Tomorrow will be cd 7.


----------



## mrs unicorn

Hi girls, I hope you don't mind me updating you. I'm sure you all know how terrified I was / am of a repeat episode this time. It's not been easy these past few weeks. I had another scare, spotting and cramping, I completely freaked. I went to A&E (as my mw told me too) and spent 5 hours being told by a nurse / doctor / registrar that they need to scan me to know what's going on but 'emergency' gynaecology was fully booked. It was such a stressful day, I almost walked out twice and cried several times.

I eventually got an appointment for a scan yesterday morning and we saw baby and its little heart beating away!!! I just, I cannot even put it into words what it feels like to see that after see a big old empty sac before. We're still proceeding with caution, it's still super early, but it's such a relief to know it's not another blighted ovum. I hope you don't mind me popping in, but it's been an emotional couple of days and, idk, I just felt I really needed to share it with you girls. You've helped me through so much. Xx

I'm still following you girls everyday.
Aayla - I'm so excited for your first IUI cycle. Sending lots and lots of luck your way.
Bronte - it sounds like you've got an amazing plan to see you though to your next cycle. You are doing an amazing job - don't ever forget that. Xx
Becca - glad your feeling a bit better after last cycle. Our bodies can be so cruel to us sometimes. Sending hugs. Xx


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Unicorn that's so exciting.. I am so glad for you that everything is going well.. You give me hope!


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - that does sound like the best option.

Mrs U - so glad you and baby are doing well. How aweful you had a big scare, which I'm sure was horrible. But I know it has to be a huge relief to see the baby and know you made it further along then you did the last time. I'm glad you came and updated us. I still want to follow along on your journey. Are you going to do a pregnancy journal? Or are you entering your progress anywhere else on here, I can follow?


----------



## Starlight288

Glad it's going well Mrs. U


----------



## beccabonny

Aayla, I see where you're coming from now! I'm glad you at least don't lose out if you miss a cycle. Less than a week until you start testing!

Mrs U - So glad you got to see the baby!! That is amazing after all the stress and everything you've been through :hugs: I'm relieved for you. I'm so glad you gave us an update :) What gag said - hope for us all!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Thank you girls, you're all wonderful!

Bronte - no I'm not doing a journal or anything. Or maybe I should? Idk, I'm a bit scared incase it doesn't work out. But if you girls don't mind I can pop back with the bigger updates from time to time (if all goes well).


----------



## Starlight288

I know I definitely wanna hear updates. I love hearing Sucess stories!!!


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

mrs unicorn said:


> Thank you girls, you're all wonderful!
> 
> Bronte - no I'm not doing a journal or anything. Or maybe I should? Idk, I'm a bit scared incase it doesn't work out. But if you girls don't mind I can pop back with the bigger updates from time to time (if all goes well).

Please document.. I'll be doing another thread when I get my sticky bean.


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## BronteForever

Mrs u - I don't mind at all either and would love to hear updates


----------



## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> Thank you girls, you're all wonderful!
> 
> Bronte - no I'm not doing a journal or anything. Or maybe I should? Idk, I'm a bit scared incase it doesn't work out. But if you girls don't mind I can pop back with the bigger updates from time to time (if all goes well).

I wanna keep seeing your updates too!!


----------



## Aayla

Mrs U: So glad you got to see baby moving. and I agree with the others, I definitely want updates!! 

AFM: Well the money fell through for the IUI. With rent coming up and the Vegas trip, and I was sick and missed 2 days of work it just isn't there this cycle. But I loaded up on CB digi opk's and I will be testing twice a day from cd 12 (which is Tuesday). This will give me enough sticks up to and including cd 21. So timed intercourse it is. Now I just hope that I don't get a positive while away. But I am only a 5 hour drive away and as much as it would tick off my friend we could drive back and cut the time short.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - I'm so sorry you had to put the IUI on hold. I hate so much that money has to factor into a lot of this decision of what treatments we can do. It sucks. 

Really hope you have success this month regardless and the timing works out.


----------



## Aayla

We did get pregnant with timed intercourse before so I am optimistic. And if I keep the dates to myself and just jump hubby then he won't feel the pressure. :haha:


----------



## Starlight288

Ayala sorry the $ fell through. You never know maybe it will happen again!!


----------



## RichieesMom

Just another update ladies!

Had a freak out the other day. So, the constipation is something serious this time around! Was struggling to use the restroom n from pushing too hard (tmi I know) n too long on the toilet (lol) my cervix went all the way down to the opening of my vagina!! I felt it n totally flipped out n went to the ER. Did and ultrasound n the lady was able to already see the sex of my baby...............it's another boy!!! I was shocked at only 15wks she could already see. He was sucking his tiny thumb n playing with his tiny ear too! N everything was fine with me. Need lots more fiber in my diet tho. 

Everyone is still in my prayers!


----------



## kmpreston

RichieesMom said:


> Just another update ladies!
> 
> Had a freak out the other day. So, the constipation is something serious this time around! Was struggling to use the restroom n from pushing too hard (tmi I know) n too long on the toilet (lol) my cervix went all the way down to the opening of my vagina!! I felt it n totally flipped out n went to the ER. Did and ultrasound n the lady was able to already see the sex of my baby...............it's another boy!!! I was shocked at only 15wks she could already see. He was sucking his tiny thumb n playing with his tiny ear too! N everything was fine with me. Need lots more fiber in my diet tho.
> 
> Everyone is still in my prayers!

Aww congratulations! Another boy! So pleased for you and glad all is well. Make sure you have as much fibre as you can to avoid a repeat of this!! :haha:


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## RichieesMom

Thank u km, n very happy n heathy 9mths to u!

GOD is GOOD!


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## Starlight288

Richiee's -glad all is okay! Yay for another baby boy!!


----------



## BronteForever

Richieesmom - congrats on another boy. Glad everything is alright.


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## mrs unicorn

Richiees - that's fab news!! Congrats on another boy too!!


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## Aayla

Congrats on the boy Richiees!! do you have names picked out?


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## RichieesMom

Thank u everyone, I'm very happy about another son. 

Mrs U, congratulations to u is in order as well! 

Aayla, no names yet. I was on the phone with dh when I told him n he instantly started googling boy names, but nothing I'm on board with yet. I had it in my head that another boy would be too good to be true so a girl is what I was sure we'd end up with n had a name ready to give. But now that my prayers have definitely been answered, Iv got a lot of name debating to do. 

It still so crazy to me. May was such a weird cycle, I thought there is just no way it would work out that time. I was so sure soy iso had screwed me over cycle wise. But as I'm told, trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding!!


----------



## Trying4first1

beccabonny said:


> Gag - sorry about that insensitive comment! Ugh, people just don't know, do they?
> 
> Trying - sounds like acu went amazingly for you! It's incredible she could tell so much. As for BD, there is next month, but you never know, you could get lucky! Last time I had a BFP we dtd like five days before ovulation (based on OPK and temp), so anything is possible!
> 
> Aayla - yay for af! Sounds like you're right on track. I'm excited to follow your progress. That's only a couple weeks away! If you know your cycle that well why not just book it? I know they want you to test, but it sounds like there would be a chance of missing it that way?
> 
> Star, glad your cycles aren't off too much and you're staying positive. And I'm sorry that happened. Something similar happened to me last month :hugs: Somehow I have more hope at least knowing my body can get that BFP after the last loss even if this wasn't the one. Here's to a better future because we are on the upswing.
> 
> Les - I hope you had a great weekend!
> 
> Bee - when are we going to see that new journal? Did you start it yet?
> 
> AFM, I'm kind of relaxing on TTC this month. I had EWCM last week so I guess I ovulated, but the tests have been inconclusive since the family was here over the weekend and I was too distracted to test. So it may have gone by. Our BD has been better than last month, so who knows. I'm feeling very ok either way.

I am loving Acupunture. It is making me me feel less stressed. I think it helped ovulation too as I now have my normal sore BBs afterwards. First time in 7 months. 
I've heard lots of stories of BDing a few days before O and getting a BFP. 
I seem to only ever get pregnant by BDing loads over months at a time. I am less fertile now since having the D&Cs (which sucks) so I think next cycle we need to be aware of early ovulation and plan our BD more :thumbup: 
Good you are feeling relaxed. The distractions are a huge help i find.


----------



## Trying4first1

Well ladies my pre AF CM has showed up. I am out again so onto cycle 7/ month 25 .... 
So frustrating that it's taking us a while to conceive again and the fact that I have to go past another due date without falling pregnant :cry: My angel would have been due this weekend on the 27th. 
Can't wait for the day to pass so it's not in my mind anymore. Maybe that will take the pressure off :thumbup: 
To be honest our BD wasn't great this month anyway so I knew I would be out. But there is always that tiny glimmer of hope. 
Hoping all you ladies are well. 
Sorry if I sound like moaner this evening. I just need to share my thoughts. I can't talk to anyone IRL :flower:


----------



## BronteForever

Trying - feel free to moan all you want. Sorry to see you might be out this month. I know it's always much harder emotionally when you pass a due date. Hugs. Hope you are doing alright. Glad the acupuncture is helping you relax. I had my first session and haven't noticed that yet but noticed some other nice symptoms like improved sleep. Hope there's more to come and hope it helps both of us with infertility issues.


----------



## Starlight288

I hate whining and feeling sorry for myself but today is rough. My cousin who was about a month ahead of me is being induced today. It hasn't bothered me much but now thinking about her getting to hold her baby while I never will is tough. It's also my last few days of summer vacation until the school year starts which always makes me sad. Sorry to complain, I'd just like to fast forward to tomorrow. &#128542;


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## BronteForever

Don't blame you at all Starlight. Some days just suck. Hugs!


----------



## Starlight288

That's for sure!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Hey, I've started a journal if anyone wants to follow (link in sig) Thought it might be better than updating in here. I'll still be following all of you though. Xxx


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Yay!!


----------



## Trying4first1

BronteForever said:


> Trying - feel free to moan all you want. Sorry to see you might be out this month. I know it's always much harder emotionally when you pass a due date. Hugs. Hope you are doing alright. Glad the acupuncture is helping you relax. I had my first session and haven't noticed that yet but noticed some other nice symptoms like improved sleep. Hope there's more to come and hope it helps both of us with infertility issues.

Thank you Bronte
Guess it was one of those days. Getting past a due date is always hard. I have been feeling Ok but I guess the due date looming this week has bought up all of those feelings once more. Also I missed accunpunture this week due to being away which probably hasn't helped. 
I think it takes 3 sessions or so to notice the difference. How did you feel after your first session? I am now feeling a bit better after mine. The first few were tough. 
I hope it helps us both too :thumbup:


----------



## Trying4first1

Starlight288 said:


> I hate whining and feeling sorry for myself but today is rough. My cousin who was about a month ahead of me is being induced today. It hasn't bothered me much but now thinking about her getting to hold her baby while I never will is tough. It's also my last few days of summer vacation until the school year starts which always makes me sad. Sorry to complain, I'd just like to fast forward to tomorrow. &#128542;

Starlight big hugs to you :hugs: 
That must be so hard for you. We could do without these reminders after a loss but sadly for us the rest of the world keeps moving. It's really isn't fair at all. 
I feel your pain. I look at pregnant ladies who are about to burst and feel jealous that it's not me. Even if I see babies at the ages that my other angels should have been now I feel a sense of resentment and sadness. It's awful to feel that way but I have earned the right to feel that way and I shouldn't feel guilty for it. It's only natural to feel like it at times. 
Hope you feel better today?


----------



## Starlight288

Trying4first1 said:


> Starlight288 said:
> 
> 
> I hate whining and feeling sorry for myself but today is rough. My cousin who was about a month ahead of me is being induced today. It hasn't bothered me much but now thinking about her getting to hold her baby while I never will is tough. It's also my last few days of summer vacation until the school year starts which always makes me sad. Sorry to complain, I'd just like to fast forward to tomorrow. &#128542;
> 
> Starlight big hugs to you :hugs:
> That must be so hard for you. We could do without these reminders after a loss but sadly for us the rest of the world keeps moving. It's really isn't fair at all.
> I feel your pain. I look at pregnant ladies who are about to burst and feel jealous that it's not me. Even if I see babies at the ages that my other angels should have been now I feel a sense of resentment and sadness. It's awful to feel that way but I have earned the right to feel that way and I shouldn't feel guilty for it. It's only natural to feel like it at times.
> Hope you feel better today?Click to expand...


Thank you and sorry you were having a rough time as well. I can't imagine how I'll feel when our due date approaches , I can imagine it'll be just like you felt. Hugs to you! You got through it!


----------



## beccabonny

Aayla, so sorry to hear about the money for the IUI falling through. That stinks! Are you planning on going for it in the future (although I have my fx for you that you won't have to!)? 

RM - whoa! That is intense!! So glad everything was fine - congrats on another boy! Going on the oatmeal and veggie train now?

Trying - glad you're loving acupuncture! I had success with it as far as stress relief. Sounds like it's straightening your system out a bit! I'm always amazed on how effective it can be. 
Sorry about the witch. Those milestones can be hard to deal with. I'm dreading the one coming up in the next few months, my last cycle before I fell pg with the twins last year, but I think I'll be ok. Nothing wrong with posting your feelings here - that's what we are all here for, I think. 

Starlight - sorry you had a bad day. I totally emphasize! I hope you're feeling better. :hugs: My cousin who just had twins the same month I was due is opening a baby clothes store with her husband and is now sending me like requests for the page. I want to support them, but I don't want to see cute baby clothes constantly...too hard. 

Mrs U - YAY a journal!


----------



## Aayla

If this cycle doesn't work out then I am hoping to do the next one with IUI but it will be the week after we get back from Vegas so I'm not sure if the money will be there either. But we could skip the cycle and then do it in October. But I feel really positive about this cycle.


----------



## lesondemavie

Hi all, Just popping in briefly. Looks like another early O for me &#128542;. Either cd11 or maybe even cd10 since the first day of bleeding was a bit odd and I didn't get cramps with bright red blood until the second day. Just dropping the expectations and letting myself be sad for now. I thought I'd maybe feel better around O, but I don't...so I'm probably going to extend my break from everything. Still thinking of you all and massive hugs your way <3


----------



## BronteForever

Les - sending hugs back at you. Sorry you are having a difficult time lately. All this stuff sucks. Definitely let yourself be sad.


----------



## Trying4first1

Well ladies. 
AF was due on Wednesday but she is still not here. I am not pregnant as my acupunturist said that I wasn't this cycle. I tested today to check and got BFN. I am 15dpo. 
I am guessing that she will arrive this evening or tomorrow. Weird as I thought my body had got into a pattern with a 12 day LP. Obviously not. I just want to get on with the next cycle now! 

On a positive note I am being referred to a recurrent miscarriage clinic in London run by the charity Tommys :happydance: even though I have had NHS testing they think it's a good idea if I see them. They more tests that the NHS don't offer and I have the opportunity to be part of research trials. Just wish I knew about this at beginning of this year. Hopefully we will only have to wait a few months or so, but I'm sure it will be longer than that. Either way it's something positive to focus on :thumbup:


----------



## Trying4first1

beccabonny said:


> Aayla, so sorry to hear about the money for the IUI falling through. That stinks! Are you planning on going for it in the future (although I have my fx for you that you won't have to!)?
> 
> RM - whoa! That is intense!! So glad everything was fine - congrats on another boy! Going on the oatmeal and veggie train now?
> 
> Trying - glad you're loving acupuncture! I had success with it as far as stress relief. Sounds like it's straightening your system out a bit! I'm always amazed on how effective it can be.
> Sorry about the witch. Those milestones can be hard to deal with. I'm dreading the one coming up in the next few months, my last cycle before I fell pg with the twins last year, but I think I'll be ok. Nothing wrong with posting your feelings here - that's what we are all here for, I think.
> 
> Starlight - sorry you had a bad day. I totally emphasize! I hope you're feeling better. :hugs: My cousin who just had twins the same month I was due is opening a baby clothes store with her husband and is now sending me like requests for the page. I want to support them, but I don't want to see cute baby clothes constantly...too hard.
> 
> Mrs U - YAY a journal!

Thanks Becca. The Acupunture definatley helps with the stress. I'm not as relaxed as I could be but I am getting there :thumbup: it's great to hear that you are also having a positive experience with it. 
The milestones are hard I agree. So sorry that you lost twins. It's so heartbreaking. Your right we should all be able to share the good and bad times with each other. What's great is that we all u swear and what each other is going through :hugs:


----------



## BronteForever

Trying - great news on being referred to a recurrent miscarriage clinic. Hopefully they can do great things for you to help you to carry full term. 

Sorry about your failed cycle. But onward you go. Good luck!


----------



## Trying4first1

Thanks Bronte
It's just nice to have something to look forward too. I feel that we will both get the care and support that we need. 

Thanks! Hopefully next cycle will be better. Still no sign of AF. I am never ever late. Tested with an IC and BFN. I'm thinking it's either stress related or an early implantation failure as I know they a cause periods to be a few days late. I don't want to use a more sensitive test just incase I see something and I start my period. Would rather not know about chemicals. 
Hope she arrives soon...


----------



## Trying4first1

Well ladies AF finally came this afternoon. So relieved I can now move into my new cycle. 
No idea what that was about as I normally run like clockwork.im never ever late. 
I am guessing an early implantation failure caused the delay. I had an awful bad stomach last night, something I had the night before I had my early MC a couple of years back. It may not have been but it felt very similar. Either way I will never know and it doesn't matter. The main thing is that AF finally arrived and we can look forward to a fresh new cycle. Lucky number 7!? :flower:


----------



## Trying4first1

Hey ladies 
Had my Acupunture session and all went well. 
She is happy with my menstral flow and things seem to be doing that they should on that side of things. Just my hormones are a bit out of whack so she said they should settle down very soon :thumbup: just need to work on that still. But my womb lining seems to be improving. 
Hope everyone is doing ok? I've got a week now of relaxing before the OED BD starts. So going to put my feet up and not give it a thought for now :happydance:


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Trying so glad everything went well.

AFM, just waiting on my first AF since my mc so we can begin trying again. Praying that September is our month and that we have a June baby.


----------



## BronteForever

Gag - hoping you'll get your summer baby!

Trying - your acupuncturist sounds so interesting how she determines stuff. Mine doesn't do much of that at all. How does she tell your hormone levels at all?


----------



## beccabonny

Les - hugs back at you! I hope you're able to process and center while away. I think we all understand the need to take a break from BNB at times. I'm always hoping you're doing well and sending positive thoughts :hugs: 

Trying - I'm so glad they referred you! I hope you're able to get more answers, now. Do you know what kind of trials you might participate in? I'm glad you're on the road to being more relaxed, at least - it's a start! Sorry about AF being late. I'm in the same boat and of the same mind. I'd rather not know. Yay new cycles!

Gag - good luck on your start!

CD 34/16 DPO here. I've come to the conclusion that my cycle has lengthened and I need to come to terms with that, so I'm trying to figure out how I can stop letting it drive me crazy when I've had 28-day cycles for the last 20 years or so. 

Hope everyone is doing well so far this week!


----------



## BronteForever

My cycles changed after my ectopic as well; I think it's just a fact of life. But I know it's frustrating Becca, especially when TTC. I started spotting randomly at one point about three years ago and swore it had to be implantation bleeding and apparently it's now with me every month since it happens every month now. Our bodies are annoying and weird sometimes. 

Really hope you it either goes back to normal or you can accept your cycle might be longer now, so it doesn't throw you off too much.


----------



## Trying4first1

BronteForever said:


> Gag - hoping you'll get your summer baby!
> 
> Trying - your acupuncturist sounds so interesting how she determines stuff. Mine doesn't do much of that at all. How does she tell your hormone levels at all?

Hi Bronte
She used the pulse a lot and she asks me questions to find out what is going on. 
It's very strange. 
Since seeing her my AF has def improved as they were super light. I think the blood it flowing to my uterus more and is hopefully giving me a better lining. 
She said that acupuncture can push hormones out of whack at first as it is such a big change to the body. Also as you feel more relaxed your body will change. She said things should normalise soon. Hopefully that was a one off crazy cycle! 
I have more needles this week and she placed them lower down on my tummy. Still using legs head and chest but she used my hands this week too.


----------



## Trying4first1

beccabonny said:


> Les - hugs back at you! I hope you're able to process and center while away. I think we all understand the need to take a break from BNB at times. I'm always hoping you're doing well and sending positive thoughts :hugs:
> 
> Trying - I'm so glad they referred you! I hope you're able to get more answers, now. Do you know what kind of trials you might participate in? I'm glad you're on the road to being more relaxed, at least - it's a start! Sorry about AF being late. I'm in the same boat and of the same mind. I'd rather not know. Yay new cycles!
> 
> Gag - good luck on your start!
> 
> CD 34/16 DPO here. I've come to the conclusion that my cycle has lengthened and I need to come to terms with that, so I'm trying to figure out how I can stop letting it drive me crazy when I've had 28-day cycles for the last 20 years or so.
> 
> Hope everyone is doing well so far this week!

Hi Becca

Thank you :flower: I am so happy that things are moving now. It will be a very long wait indeed possibly months but at least something is being done. Just wish I did it months ago as feel like I've wasted the year (good old hindsight). But never mind. Better late than never as they say :thumbup: 
They do many trials. Hopefully I can take part in the endometrial scratch trial. Will have to see. 
Being more relaxed is definately helping. Ok it's not getting me pregnant any quicker but it's helping me to stay more sane. 
Sorry to hear that you are also experiencing a long cycle. Why do our bodies do this!? Like you I never have long cycles. Just typical that the body plays up when TTC. Really hope things straighten out for you soon :hugs:


----------



## beccabonny

Trying, sounds like that trial would be very interesting. I'll have to look it up to see what it's all about! I don't know about being more relaxed not helping - it definitely doesn't hurt! 

I guess these lengthened cycles are pretty common after losses, so I'm realizing things may never be the same as they were, and that's ok. Hormones. I think TTC really does some weird hormonal stuff to our bodies, especially AL.


----------



## BronteForever

Hmm...I didn't know they did endo scratches for natural conception, but it makes a bit of sense! I will probably have one done for my next IVF, since I've heard great things about them helping with implantation. I hope they get you into one of the trials that can help.


----------



## Trying4first1

beccabonny said:


> Trying, sounds like that trial would be very interesting. I'll have to look it up to see what it's all about! I don't know about being more relaxed not helping - it definitely doesn't hurt!
> 
> I guess these lengthened cycles are pretty common after losses, so I'm realizing things may never be the same as they were, and that's ok. Hormones. I think TTC really does some weird hormonal stuff to our bodies, especially AL.

It's a very new research trial being led my Siobhan Quenby. Worth a look :thumbup: 
Being relaxed must help in some way. I think it helps to make the journey much easier. I just let Mother Nature do her thing now. I have learnt that no matter how much I want to be a mum and how it's not fair etc Obsessing over it and getting stressed out won't make it happen any faster .It will happen when it does. I've accepted that now and I always expect the lovely AF. Even after BDing I don't expect it to happen as I know the odds are not in our favour. Getting pregnant is very difficult so it can take its time. 
Cycles can change after a loss and its normal I've heard. I guess when it happens we need to accept that things are different now and it's just a new normal for us :flower:


----------



## Trying4first1

BronteForever said:


> Hmm...I didn't know they did endo scratches for natural conception, but it makes a bit of sense! I will probably have one done for my next IVF, since I've heard great things about them helping with implantation. I hope they get you into one of the trials that can help.

This is what they are trialling. They say that it helps with implantation in IVF so they are thinking that it may help natural conceptions too. They think it may be a cause for recurrent pregnancy loss and a scratch can enable better implantation. 
I think you should definatley go for the endo scratch next time. Wouldn't do any harm and you never know it may help &#128522; 
Thank you. I hope I can be put into some worthwhile studies. I'm going to feel like a Guinea pig :haha: I don't mind though as it will stop women in the future from going through RMC.


----------



## BronteForever

I think it's fabulous you are willing to participate, not only to help you but to further the scientific study. I've done a ton of research on IVF throughout my process and the one constant I've found is that there is so much unknown. I know IVF is a relatively "new science" but it's still amazing to me some of this stuff hasn't been tested thoroughly. And I'm surprised there is so much not known about RMC as well. You'd think there would be. Kudos to you for helping that advance with more knowledge in anyway possible!


----------



## beemeck

constantly thinking of you ladies and always reading along!! 

I will be having surgery next week to remove a giant ovarian cyst. I'm trying to stay calm, but I'm so nervous about disaster striking and me coming this far only to be back to the start again. I'm trying to revive some of the strength that was necessary with LTTTC so that I can get through this next week, and of course you ladies are always an inspiration <3


----------



## BronteForever

Bee - you are definetly in my thoughts and will be for the remainder of your pregnancy. But especially next week. I know it has to be so scary to think about but you are correct that you have already built up so much strength through this process that you can pull from at this time. 

Feel free to talk out anything though. I'm more than happy to listen about any and all your fears. I think it's great you've written some of them down in your journal so it can help put them to rest, so to speak.


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Bee- I can only imagine the fear you have right now.. We are always here to listen.


----------



## Aayla

hey ladies. Sorry I have been so quiet. This is not an easy week for me. Every day my fb is giving me memories of last year when I had just found out I was pregnant. Which will culminate to my post around Sept 12 when I announced the mc. 

I never got my smiley face on my CB digi opks. I tested all the way through cd 20. Twice a day most days and 3 times on cd 20. The lines on the stick don't mean much but they did get darker on cd 18 and 19 and then back to super light on cd 20. So if I did ovulate I think it was cd 20 and maybe I had a short surge in the middle of the night. OR I didn't ovulate at all which is why I never caught a surge. I go for my progesterone test Tuesday. I will know for sure then. But I am not optimistic. If I didn't ovulate on this medicated cycle (and I am not sick so there is no reason why I shouldn't have ovulated), then I know it is IVF next.


----------



## kmpreston

Aayla said:


> hey ladies. Sorry I have been so quiet. This is not an easy week for me. Every day my fb is giving me memories of last year when I had just found out I was pregnant. Which will culminate to my post around Sept 12 when I announced the mc.
> 
> I never got my smiley face on my CB digi opks. I tested all the way through cd 20. Twice a day most days and 3 times on cd 20. The lines on the stick don't mean much but they did get darker on cd 18 and 19 and then back to super light on cd 20. So if I did ovulate I think it was cd 20 and maybe I had a short surge in the middle of the night. OR I didn't ovulate at all which is why I never caught a surge. I go for my progesterone test Tuesday. I will know for sure then. But I am not optimistic. If I didn't ovulate on this medicated cycle (and I am not sick so there is no reason why I shouldn't have ovulated), then I know it is IVF next.

Ahh Aayla I hope you did ovulate and that it's a bit of a light in the darkness of this week. I know how difficult this next few weeks will be for you :(


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - hope you did ovulate. I'm glad they test, so you'll know for sure.


----------



## RichieesMom

hey girls :flower:

hope everyone is doing well! 

wanted to keep y'all updated. i had my first anatomy scan yesterday, n looks like my baby boy is doing good! heart, brain, spine, limbs etc all look really nice! I'm 17wks 4days but he's measuring 18wks! i have been a mess about the fact that i never feel him. read about a lot of women feeling there babies as early as 13 wks in second pregnancies but i feel nothing! even laying there during the ultrasound I'm watching him move n didn't feel a thing. tech said it was my placenta being anterior so has extra cushion. i have another apt on the 15th. i will probably be having them every 2wks instead of once a month, due to my history with richiee. happy about that. i will let y'all know how the next one goes!

u ladies r always in my thoughts! 

oh yeah, our baby boy has a name as of today.....Rayden Jade :baby:


----------



## RichieesMom

bee, I'm sure everything will go smoothly, n will keep u in my prayers.


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## BronteForever

Yay for a great scan, Richieesmom. Love the name. I wouldn't worry about not feeling anything. The extra cushion makes sense.


----------



## lesondemavie

As some of you already saw in my journal. We finally got our rainbow BFP this am. Cautiously happy and hoping for the best, but also terrified of going through another loss. Everything crossed that we get to welcome our May baby next year.


----------



## Starlight288

Aww!! So exciting!!! Congrats!!


----------



## Aayla

Richiees: great name. Glad you are getting in some scans. 

Leson: that is so exciting!! Congrats!! 

AfM: waiting to get my progesterone test done. Will likely do it tomorrow. I will find out my results same day.


----------



## RichieesMom

congrats les!!!


----------



## beccabonny

Richiees, I love that name! I'm sure it won't be long until you do feel the baby!

Bee, I'm sure everything will go smoothly. Your doctors sound very competent :hugs: Will be following along to check up on you!

Aayla, sorry that FB is reminding you of such painful memories. I know this week is already hard for you without that. Sounds like you probably did just have a really fast surge. I look forward to finding out how your test goes so you can know for sure!

Les, I am so, so very happy for you! And we get to be bump buddies. Everything crossed here too. You're in my thoughts. 

AFM - Got a BFP 31 August, but I haven't really been posting too much about it, I probably won't until the scan on Monday. We are already past last month's loss date and I have many more symptoms. I'm feeling hopeful that this little dot is the one :)


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Leson that's so exciting


----------



## RichieesMom

becca-thanks! n congrats to u!!!!


----------



## beemeck

congrats les!!!!


----------



## kmpreston

Wow congrats ladies I hope this is another little frenzy

Afm my 12 week scan will be next Friday 16th at 12 weeks 4 days. Feeling very optimistic as I have heard the heart beat a few times Using my Doppler :)


----------



## beccabonny

km - thank you! You love the doppler? What brand/model did you get? When did you start using it? That sounds like a blessing for nervous people like me :)


----------



## Aayla

Congrats Becca!! 

I didn't have time this morning so I am going first thing tomorrow to get my test done. I will know by mid afternoon/end of work day.


----------



## kmpreston

beccabonny said:


> km - thank you! You love the doppler? What brand/model did you get? When did you start using it? That sounds like a blessing for nervous people like me :)

Got the sonoline b and started using it at 9 weeks. Baby is still quite hard to find but then when you do :cloud9: you just have to accept that the first few times you might not hear it and if you don't you can't get upset - as long as you aren't cramping or bleeding it will come


----------



## mrs unicorn

I've been wondering whether to get a Doppler too. I'm worried that it'll become an obsession though or a source of anxiety. Are they easy to use?


----------



## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> I've been wondering whether to get a Doppler too. I'm worried that it'll become an obsession though or a source of anxiety. Are they easy to use?

So easy to use. I would say it's curbed my anxiety but I did find baby on second try at 9 weeks 5 days. I've used it about 4 times but never when I'm worried, always when I'm feeling excited and when I've found it it's been a lovely reassurance


----------



## Aayla

So I finally got my results. 7.5 and I honestly have no idea what it meas. Normally if I don't ovulate my number has always been under 3. On my health page the ranges they give have this as luteal but it is also in mid cycle. It is very possible I ovulated a couple days later than normal and it is rising. I am calling the doc tomorrow and they may issue another test to make sure. Or we just wait it out and see what happens as af is due next friday. 

I only have one cheapie test and since I am going to Vegas I can't afford to splurge on tests. I will test with a frer if af is late. I will likely use the other test a couple days before af is due.


----------



## BronteForever

Hmmm...hopefully that means you ovulated Aayla. When do you leave for Vegas? Hope you have a great trip and that takes your mind off of everything.


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Keeping FX Aayla...


----------



## Aayla

We leave on the 22nd. I am so excited for the trip!

Oh and I forgot to report my amazing weight loss. 8.4lbs in 3 days!! It is all about the food for me. I am so motivated to keep going. My body may adjust and fluctuate but I am so close to being out of the 320's.


----------



## BronteForever

Great job on the weight-loss Aayla. Keep it up! And the trip is coming up. Yay! You'll have to play the slots for me, since they are my favorite


----------



## lesondemavie

Congrats Aayla! Have a wonderful trip <3 full of fun and love!!!


----------



## Aayla

Thanks! Just 13 more sleeps!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Aayla that's amazing! Well done! Have a wonderful trip! X


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Well ladies.. First AF since my mc... Cramps have been insane. Dh told me last night he was disappointed AF showed up which made my heart sink... Hopefully temping, opks, and charting will do the job this month.


----------



## BronteForever

Gag - sorry AF got you. This process is definetly not easy on anyone. Try not to get too discouraged. Really hope you have luck this next month.


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Bronte thanks.. I'm actually ok with it as I know my body is back on track


----------



## lesondemavie

Line is barely there today &#128542; Back to ttc we go.


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Leson I was just there.. I completely understand, I'm so sorry.


----------



## Aayla

Oh Leson... I am so sorry


----------



## Aayla

Talked to the doc today. He said that is very likely that I am becoming resistant to the letrozole. So we had two options. 

1) Do the shots, monitoring and IUI and that has no bmi limit although they like it to be under 42 and it only has a success rate of 10-12%. Cost: $1700-$2000

2) IVF. 50% success rate, frozen embryos for siblings. But an imposed bmi limit of 38. Which would require me to lose at min 90 lbs but preferably about 100. cost $10,000

After talking it over with hubby we have chosen the IVF route. We can always choose the other option down the road but this our goal. 

The good news is that the doc said my day 3 levels were normal so my egg count etc is all fine.


----------



## beccabonny

Aayla, great job on the WL - amazing! I'm glad to hear your egg count is fine, and IVF does have a good success rate compared to IUI :)

Gag, sorry you had to hear that. At least you know you're on the right track with AF around, so you'll be able to chart it all out. 

Les, again, I am so so sorry. I was there last month and my heart is broken for you.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - so sorry to hear that you are likely becoming resistant to the letrozole. I know it's hard to handle, especially because IVF is starting to become more of a reality. 

I'm going to give you my experience with weight and IVF for you to do with as you please. I know everyone is very different, but I did find it helpful to hear how others responded to get a good idea of what I wanted to do. Anyway, my BMI was around 36 at the start of my last round and one of my doctors still blamed my failed cycle almost solely on my weight - saying my egg quality was so horrible that none of the embryos divided correctly because of my weight (despite none of my doctors expressing any concern what so ever before the cycle began). Now there's no way they actually know that's the reason and I have a lot of other concerns about how my cycle was handled that in my opinion could have affected stuff more.

Regardless, it wasn't a good feeling to have that thrown in my face after a failed cycle and spending so much money. It made me feel like an idiot for proceeding without losing even more weight first, despite me thinking my age was more important (now to be honest I don't know what to think - because I wish I would have waited a few months to get down just a bit more weight). Now, it's a fine balance between age (which in my opinion is more important) and weight (which is really only a decent indicator of issues you might face - such as egg quality and implantation issues that aren't exactly measurable). So you can't wait forever to lose the weight; it's just not realistic. But you do need to be prepared that even hitting the 38 BMI that the cycle can fail because of weight issues or really any unknown issues. My doctors said under 33 is ideal and in the UK they like it under 30 (again it varies so much by person and you never know until you go through your cycle).

I also wish I would have been more realistic when I approached IVF and realized that you are looking more at 2-5 cycles of IVF. Ladies do get pregnant on the first cycle, but it's not hugely common given our age. So be prepared to spend closer to $20,000-$30,000 if it's $10,000 per cycle. We bought a 2 cycle plan and I regret it even now. I wish we would have bought a 3 cycle plan that came with a reimbursement if I wasn't pregnant. It was about $15,000 more and I think would have been worth the reassurance. I went back and forth on it when decided what we wanted to pay upfront. I know they do everything very different in Canada though and it's great that yours are cheaper per cycle to begin with!

Anyway, I think it's awesome you are going to proceed with IVF and know you can reach your goals. You have already been so motivated and have been doing great. I'm really excited for you. Just be prepared for it to potentially take some time even with IVF. It's so hard not to get discouraged along the way, but just keep pushing forward!


----------



## crazy4baby1

hey ladies, this is my first time on this forum.! :HUGS: and i just wanted to know is it normal to get a BFP and then test the next morning and get a BFN ? my faint line still remains on the test so i'm guessing this is positive ? blood test tomorrow i just need reassurance.!


----------



## BronteForever

Crazy4baby - really hope your blood test/beta reveals you are still pregnant. Good luck.

Chemical pregnancies do seem pretty common (at least on here), so it is normal unfortunately. I don't know a lot about CPs but some of these other women do. Hugs to you in the meantime while you wait. I do know unfortunately there are defective tests too, but I'm assuming you tested at multiple times throughout the day and with multiple different brands to confirm the BFP and then the BFN. The blood test will reveal a lot though, so that's great they can get you in.

So sorry you are having to go through this.


----------



## crazy4baby1

What could cause a chemical pregnancy? And why is it relevant to my tests? is that what normally happens when you have a chemical pregnancy?


----------



## Starlight288

Crazy,
I'm no expert but believe I had a chemical last month. This means an egg implanted which causes the positive hpt but then for whatever reason the egg is defective/ the pregnancy doesn't take and you then go on to have AF. Typically causing your period to be a few days late. I'm sure others can chime in as I'm not positive on this.

I actually had another late period this month so really not sure if this one was chemical or my body just adjusting still. I didn't test at all so I'll never know what happened this month.

Hope that helps some and your blood test clears up any other confusion. Good Luck!


----------



## BronteForever

Chemical pregnancies are early miscarriages. Basically you conceive and the embryo implants which triggers your body to create the HCG hormone which is what gives you the positive tests. However after that you'd have a miscarriage - dropping the HCG hormone and you get negative tests again. Sometimes you will get your period at the same time and wouldn't have known if you weren't testing or it might be delayed slightly. Miscarriages happen for lots of reasons. Too many to list, however a common one is chromosomal abnormalities of the embryo. 

These are different then false positive or false negative tests because those are just faulty tests usually or could be giving you the incorrect response so early on because there's not enough HCG to detect if you were pregnant. That's why you usually test multiple times of day and with different brands to rule that out. Since its using your urine the HCG amount can fluctuate so much this early on and change your tests - depending on how diluted your urine is, etc. 

Anyway the blood test tells you your HCG level exactly so it gives you much more info on if you are pregnant or if you might have miscarried early. 

Anyway, best wishes and good luck!


----------



## Aayla

Bronte: thank you so much for the realistic advice. Knowing we will likely have to do multiple rounds is something to think about. When they call me back tomorrow I will ask the assistant how the pricing works for subsequent rounds. If we don't get pregnant the first time then we would be doing a FET (assuming we had a bunch of embryos to freeze) and that may change the price significantly if we don't have to do egg extraction again. 

As for the weight, it is going to be a long road. Ideally they want the bmi under 30 as well but the limit of 38 is set by the College of Surgeons. Basically, no woman can do IVF with a bmi over 38 outside of a hospital setting and since hospitals don't do IVF here that is where the limit sits. So that is the bare min I have to get down to which is a 90 lb loss. Under 35 is a 110 lb loss, under 30 is a 140lb loss and to be right in the middle of the healthy weight range is a 190 lb loss. 

I just have to take it one day at a time.


----------



## BronteForever

Aayla - that's all you can do is take it one day at a time. I wish you success. I'd like to be down 30 pounds by January for my next cycle, though I'm not sure it's totally doable but I'm trying. I'm afraid to wait past that again because of age and I'm scared of making the wrong decision of when to proceed with the cycle because I'm not sure we can afford a third one, especially if I didn't see any improvement. I'd feel bad spending the money without any evidence that a third time might work. 

Also FETs (frozen cycles) are much cheaper. We got unlimited FETs in our package but none of ours made it to freezing quality in the first cycle - again one of my doctors said because of my weight. Though age was up there too. I see so many other women with several frozen embryos though so I know those are common. I might just be unlucky. You have PCOS though too, correct? If so you might get more eggs regardless so you very well could have lots extras. 

I wish there weren't so many financial decisions needed upfront and maybe that is something that's better in Canada because that did add to the stress trying to figure out how many cycles you think you need and want to pay upfront for. Totally felt like gambling with precious cargo and our lives. 

Anyway, glad you are getting started on the process and good luck on the weight loss!


----------



## Aayla

The doc said my day 3 numbers came back good so I do believe I have lots of eggs. I will find out the cost of the FET tomorrow. So we can plan accordingly. You are right, best to be as prepared as possible. What's an extra couple of month if it means we can do more than round if necessary.


----------



## BronteForever

That's great your Day 3 levels are good. That means you have a bit of time to play with and will likely get a decent amount of eggs once you get to IVF - which definetly helps in trying to get to quality embryos that make it through the process.


----------



## kmpreston

Just a quick update from me to say I've had my 12 week scan and all is well with baby :happydance:


----------



## BronteForever

Yay. Great news, KM!


----------



## mrs unicorn

Yey! Km that's brilliant news! Love your new picture!


----------



## Aayla

Yay KM. That is so great!!


----------



## Starlight288

Wonderful news!


----------



## BronteForever

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing. Hope you are all well. We have had so many BFPs in here, I think there are only a few of us left that are trying. 

AFM - I'm still working on my health in general and I think we might try to kick it up a bit the next few months with trying naturally. It certainly couldn't hurt. Though I think our chances are pretty low since I only have one tube left and it was blocked. It's a long shot but I definetly feel like acupuncture has been doing some stuff so there's always a chance it's loosened scar tissue. I've been doing some fertility massage as well to help. 

Other than that just mostly waiting until January until the next IVF cycle. 

I got a bit panicked the other day wondering how IVF during the winter was going to go especially since our clinic is 2 hours away. But I don't want to have to wait passed that so we will make it work.


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Just checking in.. I forgot my thermometer this weekend while I was in my business trip.. But we managed to get in bd yesterday to keep the ever other day bd up to cover our basis... I want this month to be it so bad...


----------



## lesondemavie

Bronte - Ugh driving in winter is one of the main reasons I did not move back to my home state of Colorado. That being said you'v been through way more...you got this! Hah now having a flash of how different my life would be if I went to college in CO instead of CA. 

Gag - Hoping your on your happy baby growing journey soon xxx.

Thinking of all you lucky girls on the happy side of this journey and hoping your little darlings are all thriving.

Star - How have you been.

Aayla - Are you at the wedding?

AFM - DH and I tried this cycle, but I'm all mixed up. Part of me is hoping for another BFP to save us from the trip to the RE, but since a BFP doesn't mean a baby for us, the other part is sure I'll just lose it again and then my RE appointment will be kicked even further down the road...sooo I'm a fence sitter this cycle just letting time drag me forward. I'm doing really well lately but that's because I've just completely detached for the most part. Ttc and thinking about ttc just hurts my heart. I can't even write this fairly neutral, matter-of-fact update without crying &#128542;. So back to cutting myself off from ttc and thinking about other things.

Love you all and hope you're all well <3


----------



## BronteForever

Les - I imagine life in Colorado and California are quite different. I know we will make any weather issues work. We used to live on Lake Superior and got 300 inches of snow a year so we can drive in it. It's just one more stupid worry about the process since you can't reschedule most of this - our bodies are on their own schedule. 

I'm really just ready to start again now but I know that won't be wise. My husband is planning his entire year next year since he decided to do a sabbatical in the fall and now they want him to go to Costa Rica. I hate planning anything around a theoretical baby but that would not be good timing wise if we got pregnant in the next IVF cycle so I'm hoping he can wait to schedule it. 

Anyway sounds like you are doing good which I'm so happy for. Once you have been trying for long enough I think you just hit the point where it gets easier. You stop expecting a pregnancy so the BFN aren't as big of a deal - because they are expected. You will get there and I'm so please the RE appointment is coming up. And if it happens before that it will just be a bonus. 

Gag - really hope this is your month as well. 

Hope everyone else is good. 

Aayla - hope you are enjoying the slot machines too


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## Starlight288

lesondemavie said:


> Bronte - Ugh driving in winter is one of the main reasons I did not move back to my home state of Colorado. That being said you'v been through way more...you got this! Hah now having a flash of how different my life would be if I went to college in CO instead of CA.
> 
> Gag - Hoping your on your happy baby growing journey soon xxx.
> 
> Thinking of all you lucky girls on the happy side of this journey and hoping your little darlings are all thriving.
> 
> Star - How have you been.
> 
> Aayla - Are you at the wedding?
> 
> AFM - DH and I tried this cycle, but I'm all mixed up. Part of me is hoping for another BFP to save us from the trip to the RE, but since a BFP doesn't mean a baby for us, the other part is sure I'll just lose it again and then my RE appointment will be kicked even further down the road...sooo I'm a fence sitter this cycle just letting time drag me forward. I'm doing really well lately but that's because I've just completely detached for the most part. Ttc and thinking about ttc just hurts my heart. I can't even write this fairly neutral, matter-of-fact update without crying &#65533;&#65533;. So back to cutting myself off from ttc and thinking about other things.
> 
> Love you all and hope you're all well <3

So glad to see you!! I know we've all missed you around this thread. I can only imagine how you're feeling. Hoping it's only positive news a bfp that sticks or good info from the RE.
Love your profile picture!!! 

I'm here haha. Just about to head into the TWW again. This is all exhausting. I've done really well taking a step back. My DH just accepted a job after 7 months of unemployment. We're also planning for my BIL\SIL to visit from Cali. We saw them in July when we visited. Trying to warn SIL (soon to be) of our MIL so she's not blind sided. Lol


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## BronteForever

Star - that's wonderful news about your husband's job. Bet that has to feel like a burden lifted. Glad you are doing well. Sometimes taking a step back when TTC is definetly needed. Hope you have a nice visit with family.


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## Gagrlinpitt

Thanks for the encouragement ladies!


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## Starlight288

Thanks Bronte! It is definitely wonderful news that he will be starting a new job! It's been a rough 7 months that's for sure!

Glad to hear acupuncture seems to be working. January will be here before you know it!


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## Aayla

Hey ladies!!

Vegas was great and hubby had a great time. The wedding was amazing and this trip really brought my new sister in law into the fold. I have always liked her but my sisters and her butted heads a bit. The trip definitely brought them closer together. My brother was so happy and the look on his face when he saw her walking down the Isle was just too much. I was bawling my eyes out. 

But I am glad to be home. Had a bit of a cold when I got home and it is on its way out. So much smoke on the casinos. Canada is smoke free in all establishments so it was quite difficult to deal with. 
I ate like crap most of the time. Only ate at 2 buffets but we did eat at The Heart Attack Grill. Worth the calories and the money. Great food and great service. 

But now it is time to buckle down and lose some weight. I start on Oct 1. Tomorrow I get paid so I can do a bit of shopping for the week.


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## BronteForever

So glad you had a great time Aayla and the wedding went well. Good luck with the healthy food shopping and getting back into the weight loss. I need to kick my own up a few notches the next few months so will be right there with you!


----------



## kmpreston

Aayla I've just seen your post on another thread about Scotland. The rules for NHS (free) IVF vary from area to area but in my area 40 is the upper limit. However I'm not sure the same rules apply for private treatment


----------



## kmpreston

This is the NHS info for Scotland. You can see there are a lot of stipulations

https://https://www.infertilitynetworkuk.com/niac_2/nhs_funding_in_scotland

I imagine private treatment is going to take a lot more researching but I'll have a look for treatment centres in Edinburgh and Glasgow and see if I can find much out for you


----------



## kmpreston

This is just one Scottish private clinic but it's looking like approx
£5000 for treatment and I can't find a long list of criteria for you to meet https://www.gcrm.co.uk

This clinic on the other hand will only do IVF using your own eggs until the age of 43, after that until 49 you need a donor. Price seems to be £5000-6000
https://www.nuffieldhealth.com/hospitals/glasgow/fertility/frequently-asked-questions


----------



## Aayla

wow. Yeah..IVF may be out for us. It depends on how quickly we can move. Oh yeah...for those who don't know. We are moving to Scotland!! Provided the ancestry visa gets approved. We still have to save money and such. We are looking for mid autumn next year or early 2018. 

We have also thought about adoption. While not a go here we very well may be able to do it there. I don't think I could do a donor egg. Not sure on that. We have sort of discussed that and we have both thought it will be all of us or none of us. But it was never a real issue to discuss before. 

My main question about NHS is how long do I have to live there to be eligible? Is it right away or do I need to be permanent resident? We aren't opposed to going private either. It's a tad cheaper than here actually (when doing the currency conversion). But I definitely want to be there before I turn 40.

I am getting super excited about this. Even if we don't have kids I am ok with that. With all of what has gone on and how long this has taken I have started to come to terms with the fact I may never be a mom. And I am now ok with it. 

For now Scotland is our focus. Once there we will look more into kids and such.


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## BronteForever

Aayla, this is super exciting. Scotland sounds like a great place to live. Really hope everything works out for you. I go through time periods where I become okay with the idea of not being a mom as well. It's tough, because then it usually comes back around at some point. But it sounds like there are lots of options that aren't extremely time dependent that might be available for you. 

We are also of the thought that the child should be all of us or none of us, which is why if IVF doesn't work we will likely move onto adoption and then possibly donor embryos as the last resort. I'm not sure how long I'm willing to be at this process though, to be honest. It's been on and off for 7 years for me and I've had many stopping points, so if the next round of IVF doesn't work, I think I will likely need a break for awhile.


----------



## MissYogi

Hi ladies, can I join in here? I have been really needing to chat with other ladies who have also experienced a loss and are trying again. I've been really struggling through this month and I know that so many others have experienced the same and are able to help it. I just had my loss at 5+3 on September 8th so it was really early and I now I should be just moving forward but it's really hard not to let it make me give up hope. Sorry, I don't mean to jump in off topic but I could totally use the support of you ladies!


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## Starlight288

Ayala that's wonderful news. Hope this move is just what your family needs!!!


I'm trying to keep busy this week, our due date would of been this Friday. Seems crazy to think this much time has passed.


----------



## BronteForever

Starlight - so sorry your due date is coming up. Hugs. It's definetly a hard milestone to reach. 

MissYogi - you are welcome to join the group. I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. Big hugs to you. And don't feel bad for grieving the loss in anyway possible. Everyone handles it differently. Definitely don't feel like you have to move on mentally right away. Losing a pregnancy is a very hard thing to go through, no matter how early in the pregnancy it was. Are you back trying again? Good luck in healing and as you start TTC again. Try not to lose hope yet, I know it's hard though.


----------



## lesondemavie

So sorry to see you here MissYogi. TTC after a loss is so hard. Hoping your journey after is short :hugs:

Star - A good distraction is in order. Will be thinking of you :hugs:


----------



## beccabonny

aayla, glad you guys had a great time in vegas! those casinos are difficult with all of the smoke, i hate it! i still remember (back in my day...) the bars used to all be smoking establishments and i'd go home reeking of it despite being a non smoker...*shudder* casinos are still like that.

and wow, scotland! that's amazing. i have family there - any specific idea where you may be moving? 

Welcome, yogi! i'm glad you found this thread, it's been a wonderful place of comfort :) i'm so sorry for your loss. it was so heart wrenching already being witness to your wtt/ttc story, i was and still am gutted for you :hugs: 

Star - :hugs: milestones are something, aren't they? I hope your week passes by quickly.


----------



## MissYogi

Thanks for the welcome ladies. I've decided to stop temping because it was just feeling like too much stress to always be thinking about it. I feel like I might have ovulated on Saturday though so I'm eating pineapple core every day for a few days. Last month I was so excited about the whole thing, this month I just feel scared. I miss my innocence about the process.


----------



## Aayla

Becca: we have settled on the town Falkirk. Perfectly placed between Glasgow and Edinburgh for commuting if we don't get jobs within Falkirk itself. We commute by transit here so doing it there is no issue. Especially with the frequency and how quick it is. Just have learn more about it. 

I am hoping we can save enough money. It will look like early 2018 will be when we move. I would like to have 3 months expenses saved up as well as air fare to get there. We are looking at getting a letting agent to help us find a place deal with all the rent and deposits etc.


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## mrs unicorn

Aayla - although I've commented in your journal, woop for moving to Scotland!! So exciting!

Becca - can't believe you're almost 10 weeks! Where has that gone?

Star - that has the to one of the hardest milestones. Hope you manage to keep busy. Thinking of you. X

Gagirl - sending lots of luck your way this cycle.

Missyogi- I'm so sorry for your loss. Getting back to TTC can be really difficult at times :hugs: Stopping charting is a good idea, I found it stressed me out after my loss. I also know what you mean about losing the innocence, or the faith in it all. It's very frustrating that it changes you and your outlook on TTC. I found that trying to just accept that it has changed things helped me. I hated it and was very angry but eventually I got there. Sending you lots of luck and I hope you don't have to wait too long.

bronte & les - always thinking of you both :hugs:

Km - hope you are doing ok and the second tri is treating you well.

(Sorry I haven't commented on here much recently. I check in on you all the time but I know some days are hard and the last thing I want to do is upset someone. Xxx)


----------



## kmpreston

mrs unicorn said:


> Aayla - although I've commented in your journal, woop for moving to Scotland!! So exciting!
> 
> Becca - can't believe you're almost 10 weeks! Where has that gone?
> 
> Star - that has the to one of the hardest milestones. Hope you manage to keep busy. Thinking of you. X
> 
> Gagirl - sending lots of luck your way this cycle.
> 
> Missyogi- I'm so sorry for your loss. Getting back to TTC can be really difficult at times :hugs: Stopping charting is a good idea, I found it stressed me out after my loss. I also know what you mean about losing the innocence, or the faith in it all. It's very frustrating that it changes you and your outlook on TTC. I found that trying to just accept that it has changed things helped me. I hated it and was very angry but eventually I got there. Sending you lots of luck and I hope you don't have to wait too long.
> 
> bronte & les - always thinking of you both :hugs:
> 
> Km - hope you are doing ok and the second tri is treating you well.
> 
> (Sorry I haven't commented on here much recently. I check in on you all the time but I know some days are hard and the last thing I want to do is upset someone. Xxx)

This is why I don't comment much in here anymore either . Second tri definitely better in terms of tiredness, not so much with sickness


----------



## Gagrlinpitt

Thanks for the prayers.. Hoping our rainbow baby comes soon..


----------



## BronteForever

Thanks ladies for being respectful. For me, I honestly don't care, but I'm so used to seeing pregnant people and hearing about it that it doesn't phase me much anymore. So I like that you check in on here! 

Wish you all lots of luck. I really hope we get another BFP boom in here soon! 

I'm really starting to think after our next IVF cycle we might be done trying for awhile and will probably wait awhile before pursuing adoption, if at all. This process is really starting to wear on me and I'm not sure how much longer I can take. I think I need another extended break. We shall see though. I asked my husband if he wanted to try this month and he basically said no, that he thinks it will just frustrate us more, which is kind of true. Though, I think he's unrealistically putting his hopes on the next IVF cycle working, which I'm not really anymore.

MissYogi - losing your innocence is a really good way to put it and unfortunately it's very true. So sorry you've had this happen to you, but you really do sound like you are moving forward well and that takes alot of guts and courage. Good luck to you!

Aayla - sounds fabulous and now I must go look up that Scottish city!


----------



## mrs unicorn

:hugs: bronte :hugs: I think we are all hoping and wishing so much that your next IVF cycle is the one. You have had such a long journey. It's sad that you are having to think about what happens if it doesn't work, but of course it's completely understandable. Like you are saying there is no need to rush into any decisions straight away anyway. Hope the healthy lifestyle plan is still going well. X


----------



## BronteForever

Thanks Mrs U - it does suck having to think about what to do if it doesn't happen. But realistically it would be foolish to do another IVF cycle if I don't see any improvement. I keep reading people's stories over and over and there are very few people I've seen that had the amount of eggs I had retrieved and none made it. My doctor didn't seem too confident in our follow up meeting and I'm not hugely confident either. And we just can't afford much after this so taking an extended break before potentially pursuing adoption so we can try to pay off our IVF loan and maybe save up more is probably the smartest thing to do. It does suck. A small part of me is hopeful all these things will work. I only need one good egg darn it but it's honestly getting a smaller part that's remaining hopeful.

And healthy eating is going good but I had a big event today so I've been busy all week and eating bad because of it. But I've been doing so much furniture moving and walking that hopefully I've made up for it. Now I'm resting my feet for the rest of the day. Ahhhhh...


----------



## lesondemavie

RE appointment went well. Full update in my journal. Basically she thinks it's a corpus luteum defect which means I also need to be on estrogen after ovulation. Doing that, blood work for thyroid, prolactin, and vitamin D, and an hsg this cycle.


----------



## Starlight288

Glad you had a positive appointment Les!! Hoping this is the fix you need to bring home that baby!!!


----------



## lesondemavie

Another update. Looks like I may be in the early stages of hashimoto's, and that could be the cause of my low progesterone and our losses. RE just called tonight at 8 pm and left a voicemail saying she wants me on thyroid medication. She's going to call tomorrow to touch base. The more I read on hashimoto's the more it makes sense. Feels like all the puzzle pieces are falling into place. I really think we may get to keep our next baby &#128514;


----------



## Starlight288

Such amazing news!!! So happy for you! So glad to hear this doctor is really helping you.


----------



## BronteForever

Les - really hoping the thyroid meds help even out all your hormones!


----------



## MissYogi

Les- That's awesome to finally get some answers! Hoping it all works out now! 

I finally started spotting last night which is such a relief. I had been in this limbo of knowing I was so not likely pregnant, but also my next cycle wasn't started so I couldn't move on. It was like my body was saying "Hey, remember that time you had a miscarriage? Wasn't that fun? Let's keep thinking about every day that you realize your period isn't here and have to remember why. Won't that be fun?" AF isn't actually here yet, but the spotting was a solid sign that it's probably not just that my body has decided on early menopause to save me from future heartbreak.


----------



## EBAUERHAUS

lesondemavie said:


> Anyone out there trying for your first after a loss? My very first pregnancy just ended in a MMC at my 8 week ultrasound. We're still just recovering, but plan to start trying again as soon as we're cleared by the ob. I've had such amazing buddies and support from the day I started ttc#1, but now I'm not sure exactly where I fit. If there are a few more of you out there, who sadly like me, lost your first and are still hoping and wishing for that day that you get to hold your precious, crying baby in your arms, please join me. I know I'd love to have your support, and also to support you on this journey! <3
> 
> We want babies not just BFPs!!! :dust:

I lost my first pregnancy in September. My husband and I weren't going to start trying until October, so the fact that we got pregnant in August was a surprise - but we weren't actually trying to prevent pregnancy, either. 
It is now October and I think I've just had my first period post-miscarriage and I can't wait to start TTC. 

Now that I've put my two cents in, I'm going to go catch up on the post itself. :laugh2:


----------



## BronteForever

Welcome ebauerhouse. So sorry for your loss. That's wonderful you are going back right into TTC again and I wish you lots of success.

MissYogi - this process sucks. Sorry AF showed up, but yes sometimes it's better to know then being left wondering if you body is still trying to even everything out. I'm sure you very far off from early menopause; though it might feel like it sometimes.


----------



## EBAUERHAUS

Thanks, Bronte. I'll be around to participate as much as I can!


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## Trying4first1

Hi Ladies. 
Just a quick update. 
I don't come on here much now due to the stress of ttc so I am trying to keep it all off my mind as much as I can. 
I am currently 11dpo no symptoms so I'm feeling this cycle is also a bust. Which would mean that ttc has taken longer this time than last. Getting very frustrated as it is getting harder and harder which each loss. Loosing 3 babies is enough without loosing my fertility too. However maybe before hand it was a just a fluke that we conceived quicker? But anyway if nothing by the end of January/Feb then investigations will start so for now we just need to hang on in there :thumbup: 
On a positive note I am being seen by the recurrent Misscarriage clinic at St Mary's in 5 weeks time! :happydance: so glad we finally have a date. Means no ttc next cycle as they won't see you if pregnant. Not likely to happen but we are going to use protection anyway just to be sure :haha:
I think the appointment has come at a great time. Me and DH were saying that we needed a break when we were trying this cycle. We are both getting fed up of the scheduled BD and the wasted efforts and it is starting to cause some tension. We are actually looking forward to not using OPKs, special lube and timing when we have sex and no feeling crappy in the tww. We are looking forward to things being like they were before. We may have December off too as AF would be due over Xmas so would just rather not have the disappointment as last Xmas we were expecting. But we said we will see how it goes! 
Hope everyone else is going well :flower:


----------



## Trying4first1

Hi Ladies. 
Just a quick update. 
I don't come on here much now due to the stress of ttc so I am trying to keep it all off my mind as much as I can. 
I am currently 11dpo no symptoms so I'm feeling this cycle is also a bust. Which would mean that ttc has taken longer this time than last. Getting very frustrated as it is getting harder and harder which each loss. Loosing 3 babies is enough without loosing my fertility too. However maybe before hand it was a just a fluke that we conceived quicker? But anyway if nothing by the end of January/Feb then investigations will start so for now we just need to hang on in there :thumbup: 
On a positive note I am being seen by the recurrent Misscarriage clinic at St Mary's in 5 weeks time! :happydance: so glad we finally have a date. Means no ttc next cycle as they won't see you if pregnant. Not likely to happen but we are going to use protection anyway just to be sure :haha:
I think the appointment has come at a great time. Me and DH were saying that we needed a break when we were trying this cycle. We are both getting fed up of the scheduled BD and the wasted efforts and it is starting to cause some tension. We are actually looking forward to not using OPKs, special lube and timing when we have sex and no feeling crappy in the tww. We are looking forward to things being like they were before. We may have December off too as AF would be due over Xmas so would just rather not have the disappointment as last Xmas we were expecting. But we said we will see how it goes! 
Hope everyone else is going well :flower:


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## BronteForever

Trying - thanks for the update. So sorry it appears to be taking longer. This sucks. But it's great that you have an upcoming appointment to look forward to. My husband and I have taken many breaks during this process and I highly recommend them to keep your mental health in check. The scheduled BD sessions and stress of waiting definitely take a toll.


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## Trying4first1

Bronte thank you so much. Being in that place does suck but we need to remember that it is not the end. 
However a slight development, I got BFP just after I wrote that message. I was shaking and in so much shock. I had no symptoms at all except for some EWCM which I discovered that evening, which I only get when pregnant in the LP. This is what made me test. 
Me and DH are expecting the worst but hoping for the best. I think it's all we can do at the moment. It's so sad as there is no excitement and I can't imagine it ending well. Sadly I think that's what RPL does to you. 
But I am trying my best to remain as positive as I can :flower: 

I will keep you updates on any progress. I will have my first scan at 7 weeks if I make it that far. 

I pray that your next IVF is successful I really do. All you ladies are so lovely and you all deserve a beautiful baby in your arms. I also pray for myself as I don't know how I would handle another miscarriage. 
Some good needs to happen now for all of us


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## BronteForever

Trying - huge congratulations. Though I know it's hard to feel happiness because you are prepared for the worst. I really hope this one will go full term for you. Keeping my fingers crossed.


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## kmpreston

Trying4first1 said:


> Bronte thank you so much. Being in that place does suck but we need to remember that it is not the end.
> However a slight development, I got BFP just after I wrote that message. I was shaking and in so much shock. I had no symptoms at all except for some EWCM which I discovered that evening, which I only get when pregnant in the LP. This is what made me test.
> Me and DH are expecting the worst but hoping for the best. I think it's all we can do at the moment. It's so sad as there is no excitement and I can't imagine it ending well. Sadly I think that's what RPL does to you.
> But I am trying my best to remain as positive as I can :flower:
> 
> I will keep you updates on any progress. I will have my first scan at 7 weeks if I make it that far.
> 
> I pray that your next IVF is successful I really do. All you ladies are so lovely and you all deserve a beautiful baby in your arms. I also pray for myself as I don't know how I would handle another miscarriage.
> Some good needs to happen now for all of us

Congratulations, I have everything crossed for you that this pregnancy is successful x


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## Trying4first1

BronteForever said:


> Trying - huge congratulations. Though I know it's hard to feel happiness because you are prepared for the worst. I really hope this one will go full term for you. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Thank you so much Bronte. Me too. I am just taking it a day at a time and carrying on as normal.


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## Trying4first1

kmpreston said:


> Trying4first1 said:
> 
> 
> Bronte thank you so much. Being in that place does suck but we need to remember that it is not the end.
> However a slight development, I got BFP just after I wrote that message. I was shaking and in so much shock. I had no symptoms at all except for some EWCM which I discovered that evening, which I only get when pregnant in the LP. This is what made me test.
> Me and DH are expecting the worst but hoping for the best. I think it's all we can do at the moment. It's so sad as there is no excitement and I can't imagine it ending well. Sadly I think that's what RPL does to you.
> But I am trying my best to remain as positive as I can :flower:
> 
> I will keep you updates on any progress. I will have my first scan at 7 weeks if I make it that far.
> 
> I pray that your next IVF is successful I really do. All you ladies are so lovely and you all deserve a beautiful baby in your arms. I also pray for myself as I don't know how I would handle another miscarriage.
> Some good needs to happen now for all of us
> 
> Congratulations, I have everything crossed for you that this pregnancy is successful xClick to expand...

Thank you so much. I really do hope so. Lovely to see your pregnancy is going well :flower:


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## MissYogi

Congrats trying! Sooooo hopeful for you and sending you tons of positive energy!


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## lesondemavie

Hoping for the best for you trying <3


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## mrs unicorn

Congratulations trying! I will keep everything crossed for you. Sending you all the luck in the world. Xxx


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## Trying4first1

Ladies thank you so much. Your well wishes mean a lot :flower: 

I am seeing my accupunturist later so I'm hoping she can give me some indication of what to expect short term. 
I will update you later to let you know how the treatment goes x


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## lesondemavie

Faint positive at 9 DPO. Guess we'll see what happens.


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## MissYogi

Lesson that's great!! Soon hopeful that this is your sticky bean!


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## BronteForever

Les - this makes me so happy. I'm keeping my fingers so crossed for you!


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## Trying4first1

Wow les! I have everything crossed for you!! Praying this is a sticky bean! :thumbup: 

Just an update. Acupuncture went well. She said my pulse was good so far. I am starting twice weekly sessions next week. We are going to try and get this bean to stick. It normally goes wrong in week 6 so we are going to start next week in prep for that critical week. 
I would say I was more sensitive during the acupuncture and she said that is normal. Could feel the needles more when they went in. 
So I have made it to 4+4 so far and have almost survived the weekend. In terms of symptoms not a lot really. Breast only slightly more sore, loose bowel movements and feeling super hot at nights. My CM has completely dried up which is weird as I had so much at the beggining of last week. But trying not to panic about that. 
Took another HPT at 14dpo. Line was only slightly darker. I am no longer testing as I start comparing lines and going into a huge panic. 
Will get my early scan booked tomorrow if all is still ok. The hospital want to know when I fall pregnant so they can sort this for me. Not booking midwife yet as had to cancel it two times already. Won't bother until after first scan if it goes well. Just means I will see her later that's all :thumbup:


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## BronteForever

Trying - sounds like a great update and really hope this works for you. I think it's a good idea to stop testing and comparing which will only make you worry uncessarily.


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## beccabonny

Wow, Trying and Les, all the love and luck in the world for sticky beans. I'm thinking of you both and am just so, so hopeful for you!


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## beemeck

yayyyyy congrats to 2 new bfps!!! so excited for you both !!


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## lesondemavie

Hcg and P are good so far :). My P was up at 26! Estrogen is still low so I'm now on 3 pills 3x a day. Not too happy about that but whatever it takes!


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## beemeck

So glad they are monitoring you closely les !


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## mrs unicorn

keeping everything crossed for you leson! xxxx


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## Trying4first1

Ladies thank you for all of your well wishes. 
I am 5 weeks today and very nervous all of the time. Just trying to keep busy. 
In terms of symptoms nothing new really. Same as last week except bad headaches today and the odd few cramps every now and again. 
But not wishing for symptoms too much. It is still very early days I know they don't normally kick in until week six.
Early scan is booked for the 14th. The EPU wanted to scan me at 6 weeks but I wanted to be scanned at 7 like my consultant recommended. Didn't want the uncertainly and stress as 6 weeks can be too early to see anything. So we settled on 6+5 

Les it's great that they are keeping an eye on you :flower:


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## lesondemavie

Glad you're doing well trying <3

We're tracking my betas and they tripled between 11 DPO and 13 DPO. Just hoping that it doubles between now and Friday. I feel in my heart that this is a healthy baby. Not sure when our first ultrasound will be depends on my hcg, but the RE will check to make sure baby is where it supposed to be as soon as she can.

Hope everyone else is doing well too. Raine, aayla, star...you still out there?


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## Trying4first1

Les it's fab that they are checking your bloods. Here they won't do that which is a shame so I have had to rely on pregnancy tests getting darker. 
I took one on Monday at 19dpo. Line came up instantly and it was as dark as the control so can't really test anymore. I could use a clear blue digital but too scared about the weeks indicator being wrong.the fact your bloods tripled is amazing news and the fact you have the feeling that this baby is healthy is great! 
I am not getting an overwhelming feeling of this one being ok but that may just be my nerves. I think I'm scared to think further ahead as I was convinced that my last pregnancy was going to work out. Guess I'm just protecting myself. 
Want this scan over with now as hate being in limbo

Keep us up to date with your scan :flower:


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## BronteForever

Trying - I think it's natural to be scared and trying not to get hopeful. You have to do what you need to to make it through. Really hoping this baby sticks for you and everything goes well. Glad you will be having an US fairly soon, but hopefully you can get it in when you'd like it.

Les - so glad you are being monitored and they are keeping an eye on you well!


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## bc1122

Hi everyone! 

My husband and I had a loss on August 3rd after having a normal ultrasound on August 1st at around 7 weeks. This was my first pregnancy, and a very much planned one. We decided to continue trying immediately. This cycle I used an advanced OPK just to make sure I was ovulating since the D&C. I ovulated later, around day 21. This week I have felt sick on and off, but contributed it to a stomach virus that has been going around in my class. Last night, I woke up with stomach cramps like I was going to be sick and very gassy. I also had very strange dreams last night, which I had the last time I was pregnant. 

This morning, I still felt sick. I finally went to get some tests really expecting it to be negative. I'm 10 DPO. The test came up positive right away. It worries me because it is much darker than it was by this time last time. Is it too early for the test line to look this dark? (picture attached) I'm probably just being neurotic, but after the emotions of the last few months I don't want to get my hopes up to be crushed again. 

Also, I'm worried because I'm going to Germany (from the US) in a little less than two weeks. Has anyone traveled successfully this early in a pregnancy? Thanks for listening to my rambling!
 



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## Trying4first1

Thanks Bronte. 
I am having it done at 6+5 so a bit happier about that. Wish was between 7 and 8 weeks but hey. Started getting some mild nausea yesterday late afternoon and evening. So far so good today. It's still very early for nausea but it's sure creeping in already. 

Congrats bc1122! A line like that is fine. Mine wa alike that at 11dpo. Just means little bean planted early that's all! 
Travelling early on is fine. Just might not be great if you suffer with nausea that's all. Take plenty of sick bags :thumbup: 
Hope you have fun in Germany! It may keep your mind off feeling groggy. 
Good luck :flower:


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## lesondemavie

Congrats bc! That's not too dark for 10 DPO at all. I am traveling at the end of the month as well. All should be fine, except I'm going to have to fake an injury to get out of a turkey trot &#128517;.

Glad all seems to be good with you trying. Things are great over here and first ultrasound is this week!

Bronte - I can't wait for January for you <3. It's going to be a great month!


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## Starlight288

Hi ladies!
I've been lurking but was waiting for my appointment today. I had my first u/s and am 8w1d. Baby measured right on schedule and heart beat was 157. Feeling good about this pregnancy.

Congrats to all who got their bfp!!! Les- so happy for you!!!


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## beccabonny

Congrats, star!!


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## Trying4first1

Hay ladies. 
First ultrasound tomorrow at 6+5. Feeling so nervous. Spent most of the weekend in tears as I feel that this is the end again. 
My symptoms have faded. My breasts are less tender and the little nausea I had has also gone. The same happened last time. So I am not expecting a good outcome. Week 6 is cursed for us. 
Even though I am half expecting it I am not sure how me and DH will cope with a 4th loss. We probably won't try again and will have to try to accept that we can't have children for now. 
I really hope that my intuition is wrong and that I get the best shock of my life tomorrow morning. 
Surely life can't be this cruel right? 
Wishing you ladies well. I will update tomorrow


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## lesondemavie

Trying - I know week 6 is so hard. I'm coming up on 6 weeks on Tuesday and I will have my second ultrasound at 6+2 on Tuesday. I'm so incredibly nervous, and clinging to every symptom I can. I feel like I'm on a wheel of symptoms and no day is the same. Sometimes I worry that it's even just in my head. I'm hoping that is all it is for you and that those symptoms come back full force. Will be sending good vibes your way <3

That's great for you star congrats


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## Trying4first1

Hi les 
I know what you mean. Maybe it is all in my head I have wondered that. The mind is a powerful thing after all. But the lack of symptoms is disturbing. They never seem to go up a notch every time I fall pregnant. They either stop still or tail off. Today I just feel super hungry and empty stomach feeling. That's all and breasts just slightly tender with a mild headache. Not had any cramps for a couple of weeks and no spotting so far. Then again I had none last time. This is such a mind game. I just want my symptoms to come back full force between now and tomorrow. 
Wishing you the best of luck for your scan Les, I know how nervous you must be feeling.
Thank you. Sending good vibes your way too :flower:


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## Gagrlinpitt

Wishing both of you the best and praying for a good outcome!


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## mrs unicorn

Girls, I was exactly the same before my scan at 6 weeks. I think I stayed in bed wishing the day away but dreading/looking forward to the next - it's a horrible mix of emotions. Sending you both all the luck in the world. Xxx


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## lesondemavie

And a congrats to you too gag!


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## Trying4first1

Ladies!!! There was a heartbeat!!! :happydance:
I was on the bed sobbing, when she said there was a heartbeat I couldn't believe my ears! I said "really!" And cried even more. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. 
Baby is measuring 3 days behind which is normal for this stage. But the sonograoher said it's probably almost bang on as I have a 31 day cycle and don't ovulate on day 14. More like day 15-16. 
So far so good. I have another scan in two weeks time. Praying bean grows some more. 
Last night my nausea came back and have been feeling a bit queasy all day today. Must be my little one letting me know that they are hanging on in there.


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## lesondemavie

Congrats trying! Glad your bean is thriving :). Fingers crossed I get the same news in a few days &#128517;. Symptoms can come and go like that. I'd worry more if they were gone for a few days and didn't come back. Right now I have this constant nauseated feeling, but all I do is burp. It's pretty uncomfortable, but I'm 6 weeks tomorrow, so it seems right on time and makes me happy.


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## beccabonny

trying, that's amazing!! i'm so so happy for you :) I think seeing a heartbeat after going through losses is probably one of the most incredible feelings...it was for me <3

I had the same heart-wrenching feeling before my early scan! It sounds like everything is progressing just fine for you now; that's wonderful!

It's really uplifting to see three more rainbows in the works here :cloud9:


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## mrs unicorn

Trying, I am chuffed to bits for you!!! :happydance: It is the most amazing sight isn't it? I don't think DH or I will ever forget the first time we saw that little flicker - it was so very emotional <3

My early symptoms were actually less with this one than with my mmc. My nausea didn't fully get me till 8 weeks, and then it wasn't actually too bad, more food aversions. So as hard as it is, try not to work yourself up too much over them. They vary so much and don't always mean there's something wrong :hugs:

Gagrl - sorry I missed your news. But huge congratulations to you! xx


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## beemeck

trying!!!!! so so happy for you girl!!!! 

les I hope you get the same news soon!!

I hate to say it, but just to be prepared, I STILL feel that uncertainty at 26 weeks. Everyone is different, but for me the feeling just doesn't go away no matter how far along I get. But taking it baby steps with good news each time is a great way to start :hugs:

congrats gag!

also just to note girls that I never did have any real pregnancy symptoms. My boobs were sore the first week of BFP and haven't been since. I felt totally normal in first tri which drove me nuts but in the end I appreciate it so try not to stress about lack of symptoms!


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## Trying4first1

Ladies thank you so much! &#10084;&#65039;
I am still in shock and I am wishing every second that baby continues to grow between now and our next scan date. 

Les -I just know that you are going to get the same amazing news. I am routing for you and will be stalking for updates! 
I think we get too hung up in symptoms. Mine went for a couple of days but now that are back so that must be normal. Sounds like your are very spot on :thumbup: 

Becca- seeing the heartbeat was incredible. I don't even know what to say when I saw it. I just stared in amazement. I was so shocked as I got myself into such a mess expecting the worst. I guess having losses does that to you. We lose faith in our own bodies. 

Mrs Uni- it was honestly the best thing ever. I just felt so blessed to have the opportunity to see. The flicker looked good from what I could see. They won't measure heart rate as my hospital until you are over 8 weeks due to error margins. 
I have a picture as a souvenir. The sonographer just printed it off with no charge. She was so lovely and seemed so happy for us as she knew how much we have been through. 
I don't think my nausea will be at it's worst for a while as I am only actually 6+2 today. Weird I didn't think my slightly longer cycle changed the dates. Didn't think of that. 
I think all pregnancies are different. With this one I feel super hungry all the time and never had that before. Like stomach is always growling. It's reassuring to hear if your experiences. Thank you. 

Bee- thank you! I don't think I will ever be relaxed. If I get further in I will definatley be having some private scans. I am so lucky however that I get 4 scans in the first tri this time due to my history. It is definitely helping knowing that I don't have to wait for ages to see baby again. 
The nurses were lovely today and said I could go back in just two weeks time. I think they can see how nervous I am and they are trying to make me feel as less stressed as possible

I can't stop looking at my scan picture. Never had one before! Over the moon!!!


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## kmpreston

Aw I'm so pleased your scan went well. I have everything crossed for all you ladies in the early stages :hugs:


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## Trying4first1

Thank you so much km!
These early stages are awful. Really want to get to the end of first tri. Praying this time we make it. Definitely trying to be much more positive this time round now &#128522;


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## BronteForever

Trying - I'm so pleased to hear your scan went well and you heard a heartbeat. Yay. Wonderful news and really hope Baby continues to do well!

Les - excited to hear about Munchie and your scan as well. When is your ultrasound?

Gag - wonderful news. Congrats!!

I know you ladies are all super nervous so I'm sending you all lots of hugs. I know it's not easy and it's probably a constant battle with yourself and you are filled with worry. Really hope everyone gets their rainbow baby soon!


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## Trying4first1

Thanks Bronte. I really hope baby continues to grow well. I am such a nervous nelly again right now as I have had two more days of feeling ok. Only half hour of nausea yesterday evening and nothing so far today so feeling very panicked. My symptoms are not increasing at all which makes me incredibly nervous. 
I need to just carry on and take a day at a time as it's out of my hands but I am just so worried. Hoping the next 12 days flys past!


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## MissYogi

Trying, les, and gag, I am feeling so hopeful for you all! I know it's hard to not feel stressed but just remember that this is a great start and you are allowed to let yourself be excited, even with the worry.

I am currently trying to not let myself get too excited but if I'm right about when I think I ovulated then af is 2 days late based on my normal lp. I keep telling myself that there are many reasons for af to come late like maybe I didn't actually o on the day I thought, or maybe the mc changed the length of my lp. I can't bring myself to test, I'm just so scared of seeing a negative and at least by not knowing I get to still be hopeful. I'll probably test Friday though if af doesn't show tomorrow.


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## lesondemavie

We saw and heard the heartbeat, and baby is measuring right on track. Not out of the woods of course, but all looks normal so far <3

Fingers crossed for you Yogi!


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## BronteForever

Yogi - keeping my fingers crossed for you!! 

Les - yeah for a heartbeat and measuring on track.


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## MissYogi

Les- how exciting to see a heartbeat! How are you feeling? You must be so full of emotions! 

I had a temp drop this morning and a bit of spotting today unfortunately so I think I might be out. Still holding on to a bit of hope of course but realistically it's not looking awesome anymore. Boo.


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## BronteForever

Sorry Yogi. Really hope this is your month still but if not then hopefully next month is!


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## Trying4first1

Thanks miss yogi! 
Praying that dreaded witch stays away for you. I know that this part of the cycle is always the worst. 

Congrats les on finding a heartbeat!! :happydance:
I know what you mean about not being out of the woods yet but it is such a great start!


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## RichieesMom

iv been reading journals but havnt visited this thread in awhile......n I'm mad at myself for missing so many bfps!!!! les, iv read about in ur journal but everyone else (n les again) congrats!!!!!! prayers for all!!

bronte, iv got high hopes for jan!


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## Trying4first1

Our 4th Angel has gained wings :cry: 
I have known for a while call it intuition , but still heartbreaking. 
We are at a loss of what to do. This is now not bad luck. Something is wrong with us. 
Take care ladies and thanks for everything xxx


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## mrs unicorn

:hugs: trying, I am so so sorry to hear that :hugs: I really hope that tommys are able to help you and you get your forever rainbow soon. Please keep in touch. Sending lots of hugs and healing thoughts your way. Xxx


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## lesondemavie

Oh trying. My heart goes out to you <3 :hugs:


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## Trying4first1

Thanks ladies. Xx 
Hopefully Tommy's can help in some way. They are our last hope now. 
I can't imagine myself ever going fullterm at this moment in time. My babies just seem to be so weak. 
Its just so devastating and soul destroying. 
I wish we never fell pregnant again as we would have been going to Tommy's tomorrow. I feel like our journey has been delayed even further and we are going through all this emotional torture again for nothing. 
Anyway apologies for the venting. Just needed to get my thoughts out there as it's hard to IRL as people don't alway get it Xx


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## BronteForever

Oh Trying, I'm so sorry Hon. Huge hugs to you. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through and really hope you can get help elsewhere and figure out what's causing the recurrent miscarriages. Hugs. Hugs. Hugs.


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## MissYogi

Trying I'm so so sorry to hear that. I so hope that they can help you figure what's going wrong :hugs:


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## Trying4first1

Thank you ladies. I am going to call the clinic on Friday once we have had the miscarriage. 
I feel I am ready to have it now. I have felt sick all day and I no longer wish to feel this way as there is no reason for me to now. 
I am going to the hospital tomorrow afternoon to get some misoprostol to induce the MC. I am terrified as I have heard that it is so painful. But a D&C is not an option for me anymore as 3 would be too many. Just want it over with now so I can move on with my life xx


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## lesondemavie

Trying - I did miso with my MMC in February. It was a pretty easy process for me, but I was thankful for the norco. I did it at the start of the weekend, so I had the rest to process and relax. Meeting our baby, although hard, was actually a good moment for closure for us. I hope all goes as smooth as possible for you. Take care :hugs:


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## Trying4first1

Thanks Les. 
I have been given some codeine which I can take alongside paracetamol. Then two hours after can top up with ibuprofen. I can take the codeine and paracetamol every 4 hours. 
I havn't taken any meds yet as nothing is happening. Will take as soon as the cramps start. 
Good luck with everything :hugs:


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## Trying4first1

Ps. I go to the recurrent miscarriage clinic mid- end of Jan. They are sending me out another appointment. 
Going to loose the weight I have gained and focus on that now
No more TTC for us now until we have answers xx


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## kmpreston

That sounds like a good plan and January isn't too far away. I'm a little surprised they don't want the embryo from this pregnancy to run genetic tests on though, I thought that was protocol for a fourth MC. Definitely better for you that they don't do that you don't need a d&c


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## Trying4first1

Hi KM
January will soon be here. Will only be 3-4 weeks into the New Year &#128522;
We had genetic testing done on our last embryo and it all came back perfectly clear and was healthy. So this one would probably be the same so we didn't see the point in the testing this time round. Also I didn't want another D&C. 
Just now praying the MC is complete. I'm not sure if it is as it seemed pretty easy :wacko: 
Keeping everything crossed


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## RichieesMom

oh trying.....im so so sorry. i will keep u in my prayer tonight before bed, if u dont mind.


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## Trying4first1

Thank you Richeesmom. That is so sweet and kind of you :hugs: 

I spoke to the nurse and she thinks the MC is complete. Just feel so lucky that it was easy for me without much pain. I go for a scan in just over a week to check that everything has cleared. Fingers crossed!


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## Sweetkat

Trying4first1 said:


> Thank you ladies. I am going to call the clinic on Friday once we have had the miscarriage.
> I feel I am ready to have it now. I have felt sick all day and I no longer wish to feel this way as there is no reason for me to now.
> I am going to the hospital tomorrow afternoon to get some misoprostol to induce the MC. I am terrified as I have heard that it is so painful. But a D&C is not an option for me anymore as 3 would be too many. Just want it over with now so I can move on with my life xx

Really sorry for your losses. I have also had 3 losses and the NHS is quite good at doing most of the tests - I have had quite a few with them and a few at a private clinic. After spending 6 months and a fortune on tests we know that we have no issues apart from OH has 52% Dna fragmentation, I have slightly elevated NK cells and a small septum.

Try to get a referral to a recurrent miscarriage clinic at the hospital where you had the D&Cs. 

We had karyotyping done, clotting, thyroid profiles and some other stuff. I also had a 3d scan and my OH had a sperm DNA fragmentation test.

Big hugs and hope we both get our BFPs in 2017.

Also, if u and OH don't have children you might qualify for IVF on the NHS??? Worth investigating.

Big hugs


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## Trying4first1

Thank you sweetkat and also sorry for yours. 

We had testing at the start of the year on the NHS but all was normal. Had all the normal bloods, hysteroscopy and the fetal tissue was tested. We were just sent away to try again. 

I am now going to be seen by a specialist recurrent miscarriage clinic. St Mary's in Paddington. Was meant to go last month but I couldn't as we were pregnant. 

Where did you go for the sperm DNA fragmentation test? My DH has never had a SA as they said there is no point as we can get pregnant. But I heard that bad sperm can cause RPL. 

We would get one free go with IVF but I'm not sure it would help? Conception seems to be ok (even though it takes a long time) it's getting them to stick past 6-7 weeks


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## BronteForever

Trying - I'm still so sorry you are having all this happen to you. I really wish they could figure out what's causing the RPL so they know what to do for next time. Hugs again!


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## lesondemavie

Trying - Could you do IVF with PGS? I follow Tim&Celeste on YouTube. They've also gone through multiple losses and seem to conceive fine on their own. I think PGS is her next step. She had one frozen embryo left without PGS but it didn't survive the thaw.


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## Trying4first1

Thanks Bronte. 
It is just so frustrating. We won't be trying again until we have answers. If we dont get answers then I have no idea. I am guessing IVF with genetic screening etc. We will see what St Mary's say first. If they come up with nothing we will then get tested for NK cells. Will will pay for every test going. 
Just so glad our appointment is very soon &#128522;
However went for my check up and I have some retained products. They giving me another two weeks to see if it resolves. It should do as it is quite common after taking Miso


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## Trying4first1

Hi Les! 
I started looking into that and it may be an option if nothing else is found or if there is something wrong with DH sperm. 
Thanks for the tip. I will look them up. I follow a couple of people on you tube as good to see their journey. 
Hope you are well and over the worst in the first tri :flower:


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## BronteForever

With recurrent pregnancy loss I honestly would only do IVF if you combine it with PGS/genetic screening. You'll get much more valuable information out of the process. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth it in my opinion.

However they have tested materials from your previous pregnancy, right? And didn't find anything abnormal? PGS primarily helps find embryos that are genetically normal and can hopefully survive preganancy but I thought you had more of an issue with your body itself fighting the pregnancy. PGS probably won't help with that. But like I said you'll get much more valuable info and be able to cross off one possibility of what could be causing your issues. 

I have no clue how they handle genetic screening in the U.K. but it's pretty standard here now and it adds about $5,000 to the process which comparatively speaking isn't ton. So if you can get one cycle paid for and still need to pay for genetic testing out of pocket, it can be doable.


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## lesondemavie

Ah that's true Bronte. I forgot about the previous testing.


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## Trying4first1

Hi Bronte. 
That was my thoughts exactly. Normal IVF would be a waste of time and wouldn't make a difference in our case.

Yeah the last test on the embryo came back normal. However DH still hasn't had a sperm analysis. Would any potential issues have shown up in the fetal karyotype? I am tying to make sense of everything and trying to figure out which avenues we need to explore. There are so many thugs that it could be. I guess I need to get the testing at St Mary's out of the way first and take it from there. I just don't think they will find anything but at least it rules stuff out. 
I think PGS would be doable if we needed it. We get one cycle funded in my county which helps a lot. 

I have started to feel better in myself until 2 days ago. My friend messaged me telling me she was pregnant. She had literally just got married 2.5 months ago so wasn't expecting it so soon. And to make things worse we were due around the same time. Obv it's great she has had no issues and all is well but I just feel completely gutted as I will be looking at her knowing it should have been me too. It has also made me realise that we have got major issues. We have been trying for so long and have had all these losses. Yet others fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and all is ok. 
I guess it's just made me feel useless and has bought up all those feelings again. Literally all my friends are now mums and it gets me down as we have been trying the longest and everyone else has had such an easy time. 

Has anyone else had any experience with this? 
I know it will get easier but right now it sucks


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## Trying4first1

Les I subscribed to Tim and Celeste :thumbup: 
It's weird how they are quite similar to us in a way. Conception wise they seem to take a while like us but can do it on there own. I will continue to follow. I also follow a couple of others too. 
It is helping me loads as the emotions they are feeling are so like ours. Makes me realise it's all normal


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## lesondemavie

Glad you liked the recommendation :). I definitely have feelings like that. Even now seeing my friends' babies who were born when my first should have entered the world is hard. My worst fear right now is a later loss with this one, and then having to watch yet another SIL have a healthy pregnancy/baby while we once again grieve and struggle. You are not alone in those feelings no matter what stage of our journies we are at xxx.


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## BronteForever

Trying, I'm honestly not familiar with what all they show in the fetal karyotype. My loss was an ectopic pregnancy, so issue was mine not the baby and nothing was checked. However, from what I can tell usually sperm issues make it harder to get pregnant and not so much contribute to losses (not going to say all the time because it could be some other genetic abnormality too). I hope they can do the whole work up on you and give you more info. I think that's the best bet for you first before you attempt IVF. If they can find a reason that will help tremendously going forward. Good luck!

And yes, watching people get pregnant while you are still struggling is hard. It does get easier. My best friend had a child the same month I would have. She just turned 7 a few weeks ago and it was hard at first, but now I just love watching her grow up. But you are entitled to any feelings you need to have. You have been through several losses right in a row which would be hard on anyone. Plus, there's not a good known way to help at this time and the unknown is usually the worst.

AFM - finanlly have somewhat of an update. I have a SIS test tomorrow which I'm going to count as my official start of this next IVF cycle. Only because we are doing it as a way to do an endo scratch at the same time. Meds should start in about 2 weeks then and then stimulation meds will be in about 3-4 weeks. Excited to finally get started again.


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## RichieesMom

Bronte, im extra excited n confident about this next ivf round :thumbup: i have all the faith in the world that ull achieve success!


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## Trying4first1

lesondemavie said:


> Glad you liked the recommendation :). I definitely have feelings like that. Even now seeing my friends' babies who were born when my first should have entered the world is hard. My worst fear right now is a later loss with this one, and then having to watch yet another SIL have a healthy pregnancy/baby while we once again grieve and struggle. You are not alone in those feelings no matter what stage of our journies we are at xxx.

Hey Les 
Sorry for for the late reply. 
I have been away from here for a while as needed a break from the baby talk. But thought I would pop on and see how you girls are &#128522;
It's great to hear that others feel the same too as makes us not feel as alien. I am used to my friend expecting now. But she constantly posts on FB about it all which I think is slightly insensitive to us. But I have just unfollowed her so I don't have to see it. At the end of the day she is excited and has the right to be happy. 
I too would worry about later loss. It's only natural too. I guess we will always worry no matter what xx


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## Trying4first1

BronteForever said:


> Trying, I'm honestly not familiar with what all they show in the fetal karyotype. My loss was an ectopic pregnancy, so issue was mine not the baby and nothing was checked. However, from what I can tell usually sperm issues make it harder to get pregnant and not so much contribute to losses (not going to say all the time because it could be some other genetic abnormality too). I hope they can do the whole work up on you and give you more info. I think that's the best bet for you first before you attempt IVF. If they can find a reason that will help tremendously going forward. Good luck!
> 
> And yes, watching people get pregnant while you are still struggling is hard. It does get easier. My best friend had a child the same month I would have. She just turned 7 a few weeks ago and it was hard at first, but now I just love watching her grow up. But you are entitled to any feelings you need to have. You have been through several losses right in a row which would be hard on anyone. Plus, there's not a good known way to help at this time and the unknown is usually the worst.
> 
> AFM - finanlly have somewhat of an update. I have a SIS test tomorrow which I'm going to count as my official start of this next IVF cycle. Only because we are doing it as a way to do an endo scratch at the same time. Meds should start in about 2 weeks then and then stimulation meds will be in about 3-4 weeks. Excited to finally get started again.

Hey Bronte. 
Sorry it's take ages to reply. As I said to Les I had some time away from B and B over the Xmas period. 

Firstly I am so glad to hear that your cycle is underway!!! :happydance: you must also be ready to do the meds now!? 
I have heard that the scratch is great to aid implantation. Bet you are so pleased to get started again. Wishing you the best of luck for this next cycle. Will be thinking of you. 

As for our treatment we will know more in a few months. Will be asking about the soerm tests and possible DNA fragmentation. I don't think they will do that on the NHS but we are willing to do that test privately. 
I am also thinking of having the NK cells uterine biopsy done in a couple of months time. I will explain more when I have completed my research. 

Good to hear that the resentment feelings are normal. I am getting used to it over time. I just sometimes feel it's a bit in my face at times and they just have no idea how it is to struggle so seem to be in their own bubble. I guess they are lucky though to have that innocence. I have kind of accepted now that our journey is different and that's how it is. So may as well dance in the rain as they say :thumbup: 
Really want these next few months to be over as be nice to know where we stand. I will update you after St Mary's next week and will let you know more about our private tests and clinics :flower:


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## RichieesMom

Hope all is well with everyone :thumbup:

Just wanted to give a quick update. baby rayden should be here sooner than expected! early stages of labor have officially began! im suppose to be induced in about 2 1/2wks but from the looks of it, he might make his grand entrance sooner than that! i lost my plug last week, n as of tuesday, im 2cm dilated, 75% effaced n feeling crazy amounts of pressure n pain (like I'm basically splitting in half). im seriously sooo done n want him out asap! hopefully things speed up n active labor kicks in by the weekend or at least sometime next week. i cant take all this prolonged pain anymore. epidural im coming for u!!


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## mrs unicorn

Good luck richiees!!! So exciting! Make sure you come back and let us know how it goes! Xxx


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## BronteForever

Already? Oh wow. Good luck Richieesmom and hope everything goes well!


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## LuBru

Hi everyone, the user lesondemavie invited me to join this thread and I hope it is okay!

I am 32 and my husband is 40. This will be the first child for both of us. I have endometriosis and used a Mirena IUD for 6 years to manage the pain from the endo. In April 2016 I got the IUD taken out and we've been TTC since then. I knew the endo might make it difficult to conceive so we took a very proactive approach from the very beginning. I track my cycles carefully with an app called Kindara and am working with an RE.

We got our first positive on the 6th cycle - which was a very happy surprise, as we thought the endo may delay things much more - but sadly it ended up as an early miscarriage. We were both very sad about that but doctors all told us that it was a "good" thing that we conceived in the first place in light of my endo.

I got pregnant again in December 2016 (cycle 8) and January 2017 (cycle 9) but they were both chemicals.

Just over the past few days the RE ordered blood work for me and my husband, and next Friday (which will be CD9 for me) I am getting an HSG test. I feel so emotionally drained and sad about everything. This third time hit me very hard. I think mentally I was prepared for a long TTC journey due to the endo but I did not expect to experience multiple losses for some reason. I guess no one does. :(

I don't know how much to "worry" about the chemicals. I see some women on here who say they are normal, common, and nothing to worry about. I also know that if they had gone farther along I would likely be much sadder. However it just seems strange that they keep happening and while I used to be excited about TTC...now I am full of anxiety and dread.

Anyway that is my story! Thank you for reading and providing a place to share! If the HSG doesn't show any obvious issues in my uterus on Friday, then we will probably try again this cycle. I know that if/when I ever see a positive pregnancy test again I will be so anxious and holding my breath...and I'm not sure when I would ever relax.

Love to you ladies who have been through so much!!! <3


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## lesondemavie

Hi Lu! Sorry it seems to have gone a bit quiet in here. Trying and Bronte still pop in now again, so feel free to keep us posted on how you're feeling and where you're at. Going to the RE was so bittersweet for me, but it's how I got here. She turned out to be an absolutely amazing doctor. My hsg was easy no cramping or leaking to speak of, but I hear it can be a bit more uncomfortable for others. DH and I started trying August 2016, and we also conceived on our 6th cycle trying...but our Gremlin had no heartbeat and was far too small at our 8 week ultrasound. We waited a cycle after the missed miscarriage and then got right back to trying, but nothing. I found out I had low luteal progesterone and went on suppositories and still nothing. We didn't get a referral to an RE until we hit a year since we started trying in August 2016. I upped my progesterone dose and we conceived on our 7th cycle after the MMC, but it was a chemical pregnancy. I had one more bfn, and then started seeing an RE. The journey has been a whirlwind since then. I found out that I have subclinical hypothyroidism causing a corpus luteum defect and I needed to be on both progesterone and estrogen after ovulation. We conceived our first cycle with the RE and things have been great ever since. It's so nice to feel cared for by someone who knows what they're doing. They gave me weekly ultrasounds and lots of reassurance which is sorely needed after loss. Hope upon every hope that your RE helps you find your way to a baby as well <3. Keep us posted on your blood tests and hsg. Always feels odd to say this but fx they find quick and easy fix :hugs:


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## beccabonny

Welcome, Lu! I'm so sorry about your losses. We also had recurrent losses, one was a mmc at 12 weeks with no heartbeats (twins) and then an early loss the month before we got a bfp that stuck this past August immediately upon getting I was put on progesterone, which seems to have helped. You will see that positive test one day! I don't post too often on this thread because I know some ladies don't want to see my ticker, etc, and am trying to be sensitive to that, but I just wanted to say you are welcome and if you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to reach out to any of us. I'm always checking for updates here.


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## LuBru

lesondemavie said:


> We conceived our first cycle with the RE and things have been great ever since.

 lesondemavie, that's so amazing that it happened so fast after working with the RE - such great news! I just found the WALL OF INSPIRATION and that is truly comforting as well - thank you so much for creating this space.



beccabonny said:


> We also had recurrent losses, one was a mmc at 12 weeks with no heartbeats (twins) and then an early loss the month before we got a bfp that stuck this past August immediately upon getting I was put on progesterone, which seems to have helped.

 - Again, amazing how things worked out so quickly after trying something new. Thank you ladies so much for your support.

I used to feel so anxious about getting a BFP...now I don't know when the anxiety will end. The end of the first trimester? The birth? When they turn 18?! Anyway...thank you...I have moved out of a dark hole this time and am now trying to focus on trying again. <3


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## mrs unicorn

Welcome, Lu. Just wanted to echo what becca has said - I always check in on here but don't comment quite so much for the same reasons. It may look quiet on the surface but I think most of us are here in the background. These ladies helped me so so much, so this thread kinda feels pretty special to me. If I can offer some help and support to anyone who needs it then I will do my best, it really wasn't that long ago we were all in similar positions to you.

Hopefully, seeing that there are quite a few of us on here who are (thankfully) now pregnant will give you some hope and energy to keep going with ttc, because you will get there! And yeah, I dunno when the anxiety stops - it certainly hasn't for me but it does get easier and the happy times do far outweigh the worrying times. I really hope those times are not too far away for you now. xx


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## MissYogi

Hi Lu! I haven't been posting much recently as it's all been quite hard for me so I took a bit of a break from BnB for awhile but it sounds like you and I have had similar journeys. I had an early mc in September, a chemical in November, then a suspected chemical this month. I don't actually know if it was a true chemical since I wasn't testing early, but AF came about 5 days late so I think that's what happened. I also had a Mirena IUD like you and had it removed last January, although we only started trying in July. 

TTC after a loss is truly terrible, I feel your pain. I'm at a point now where I just can't keep planning our BD sessions and I have stopped testing early because it just feels like just a good start, nothing to write home about though. I am still hopeful that it will happen for all of us, but I have also found it very helpful to begin focusing my efforts on other things. Recently I have decided to leave my job in June to begin teaching yoga so that has been nice to have something else to think about. It's also just been nice to do a lot of yoga where I basically don't allow myself to think about TTC. Do you have anything like that to help distract you?


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## LuBru

Hi mrs unicorn - you are totally right, reading the stories on here really is very helpful and comforting. I'm new to online message boards like this but reading through this thread is helping me understand how to use it and I think I'm going to make a TTC journal soon.

A for MissYogi - thanks so much for sharing your story - it does sound similar. Have you done any testing like an HSG or bloodwork regarding the losses? I've read online that some ex-Mirena users blame miscarriages on the IUD...but then again who knows. I am currently working while chipping away at a PhD...but TTC has been a major distraction from both. I have tried to do yoga (I have an app with pre-recorded sessions) but honestly TTC lately makes me a little depressed and I'm finding it hard to muster up the energy. The first six months or so, TTC was fun and exciting...now the "innocence" is gone and I guess I'm in a slump. I really admire women who have been TTC for much longer (I'm only on the 10th cycle TTC). But I really, really need to get back in the groove of my PhD!!! MissYogi - that's so exciting that you are going for the yoga full-time!! I admire that!


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## MissYogi

I'm not sure if I blame the IUD. I sort of want to choose to believe it is not the problem, just bad luck, because if I find out that it caused them I'll feel so guilty for ever having gotten it. No, I haven't got any testing done yet, I'll keep trying for a few more months I think but if my cycles don't regulate I'll definitely get checked. Your PhD must be a ton of work! What are you getting your PhD in?


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## LuBru

MissYogi - I also really, really hope it is bad luck as opposed to any root cause. With my first miscarriage I really grasped at straws trying to figure out what I did wrong - I totally blamed myself! I read about people taking progesterone supplements and I thought - if only I had done that I could have saved the pregnancy!! - well, I am over that line of thinking now for sure. Anyway! The PhD is in the philosophy of education. What kind of yoga are you going to teach???


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## lesondemavie

Lu - By my 4th month trying after loss, the anger I hadn't yet let myself feel rushed in (mostly triggered by seeing DH's very pg sister who was due just 1.5 months before me). By my 5th, I felt a release after working through my anger. By the 6th month, I sunk into a deep, dark place and stayed there, but I found peace being in that dark place. I stopped fighting it and just let it be. I was there then, and that was ok. I didn't know how or when, but I knew one day I wouldn't be there anymore. One day, I'd be happy again, and that thought brought me peace. I had prepared myself to stay there and keep trying for much longer.

As for hoping it was just bad luck, a part of me did and a part of me hoped to find an easy fix. Luck was a bit scary, since there was nothing I could do about it. I also had this gut feeling that something was wrong, and I was right. I was and still am so mad at my obgyn for not listening to me and helping me sooner. When I found out it was me, I felt vindicated but I also struggled a bit with it. Only my best friend and my brother/SIL (who struggled over a year with pcos and is now due in August) really know (besides DH). It's easier to have everyone else think that it was just bad luck, and could have happened to anyone. Even if there is something, it's not your fault (even if it feels like that sometimes), and it's better to know now so you can treat it.


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## Trying4first1

Hey Ladies
Sorry it has been a long time. 
A huge welcome to the new ladies and so sorry that you find yourself here. Any questions please feel free to ask. I suffer from recurrent pregnancy loss and I now know a fair bit on the subject, 
Anyway just a quick update......
I had my appointment at St Mary's recurrent miscarriage clinic last week. I had a 3D scan of my womb. All seemed well, normal shape etc which was good news. I then met with the Dr who was very nice. He went through our history and answered any questions that I had. He things we have a very good chance still but was realistic and said that the next pregnancy may not work out, it may take a couple of attempts depending on our issue. He also agrees that I should have the NK cells test through endometrial biopsy. He said the blood test one isn't as effective as isn't accurate as it measureS a different type of NK cell. Whereas the uterine biopsy will be more accurate. So I may try to have that done in March, that way work will have plenty of notice plus I will be away for Februarys cycle anyway. 
I have had bloods taken and I have to go back for repeats in 6 weeks time. Bloods are for clotting issues, Factor v leiden and something else I can't remember :wacko:
I am also having to go for surgery. The doctor is concerned by the fact I have had two D and Cs. So he wants to do hysteroscopy. If they find any scarring they will cut it out there and then. I will then have a copper coil fitted to stop any scarring from forming. I would have this for 4-6 weeks. The waiting list is 4-5 months for the surgery. The doctor doesn't want us to TTC in the meantime as its likely that I will only miscarry again so we are taking his advice. So we won't be TTC again until July- August time which feels like ages away, but we need to give the next pregnancy the bests chance. My Dr also thinks the break will do me good too as my body has been through so much. 
Sorry for the essay :flower:

Hope everyone is doing well. Always think of you all even though I am in the background more these days x


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## RichieesMomma

Well, I managed to keep rayden in there alil longer! 

I'll be checking into the hospital Sunday evening n pushing by Monday. Dr changed the date on me to the 3oth. I will keep everyone briefly posted on stats starting Sunday, IF that is ok with everyone. 

N try to figure out how to post pics on here once he's out.


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## RichieesMomma

Oh yeah, had to make a new account. Long story short, couldn't for the life of me figure out my password for bnb AND email. So had to redo both. Blah


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## mrs unicorn

Good luck Richiees!!


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## beccabonny

Hope you're doing well!


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## RichieesMomma

Hey girls 

My baby rayden is here!!! Arrived yesterday at 12:22pm weighing in at a hefty 8lb3oz! Ouch, even with the epidural. Ripped me pretty good! But sooooo worth it. He's just perfect. Best part, he looks just like richiee. Im will try to figure out how to post pictures


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## mrs unicorn

awww richiees, massive massive congratulations!! So glad he arrived safely and you're doing ok. How wonderful that he looks like Richiee too <3 makes me tear up a bit. So happy for you! Well done mumma!

(to post a pic, click go advanced, then a bit further down the page click manage attachments and you can add pictures there)


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## lesondemavie

Congrats richees.

Good baby-filled thoughts to the ttcers trying, yogi, Bronte, and lu <3


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## BronteForever

Congrats RichieesMom - such exciting news!!


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## beccabonny

congrats, richees!!


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## Trying4first1

Yayyy to Richiees!!!
Big congratulations to you!!! &#128522;


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## Trying4first1

Hey ladies. 
Hope all is well
We have had another blow his end. Surgery now won't be until September! I am so annoyed as we were told the waiting list was 4 months. This is double what we were told. We feel that it it is far too long to wait. That means that we would be able to try again until December at the earliest. 
Me and DH are wondering whether we should try for a few months in between and see what happens. Just make sure we stop 12 weeks before the surgery. 
Thing is the surgery may come up with nothing anyway. 
We are having NK cell testing next cycle so will only be able to try for 3 cycles so not likely it will happen going by our track record but then at least we feel as if we are trying at least. If we fall and have another MC then all will be dealt with before the surgery. Not that we want another but I feel like I have to know. You hear of so many women having losses with no cause. So I feel we just have to keep going as I don't think it's likely anything will be found from the surgery. I feel like the NK cells are more likely to be the issue. 
What would you do!? Wait it out or try for a bit? 
It's been almost 3 years for us now and I am stronger than I have ever been in my life. Is it a risk worth taking?


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## Edo

I hope it's okay if I join. I've had two losses last year - at 5 weeks and at 13 weeks. Still TTC #1. Just want to be a mummy so bad!


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## Trying4first1

Hey Edo and welcome :flower: 
So sorry for your losses. We all here know that feeling so well. You are not alone. Everyone on here has been such a great support. 
Ask any questions you need


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## lesondemavie

Welcome Edo! Last year was a tough year for me as well. I had to go on levo and hormones, but I am now nearly 20 weeks along with my rainbow. Hope sunny days come your way soon <3.

Trying that's such a tough one. My heart says to wait, but I know I kept trying all along too. It killed me to see a month go by. I would always wonder, "what if that egg was meant to be my baby." I also know people who now have rainbows after 5, 6, even 10 losses, with no explanation as to why. Trust your gut is the best advice I can give on that one <3


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## MissYogi

Hi Edo! So sorry to hear of your losses, this is a great place to be for some support. 

Trying- honestly, if it was me I think I would keep trying, but I know there are a lot of factors involved and it might not be the best choice for you. What does your husband say?


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## Trying4first1

Thanks for your reply ladies. Really appreciate it. 

Les my gut is saying to keep trying. I just don't want to have wasted all of this time and then they find nothing. Time we try again we would have had a 4 month break. Which is the longest we have ever had a break for. Normally we only have a month off. I know it's not long but if we wait for the op then will be going on a whole year. 
We may not conceive anyway as we don't seem to fall that easily but will just be good to feel like we are at least giving it a go. 

Miss Yogi there are possibly many factors but all our tests may come back clear anyway. Only test I haven't had done is the NK cells biopsy which I will try for next cycle. The op is for a hysteroscopy to check for scarring and to have them cut out if any are present. 
So I guess I'm just worried that we are waiting for all this time with no guarantee of getting an answer. 
DH thinks we should just go for it and see what happens. 
If nothing happens in those 3 cycles then we will only have a few more months of not trying until I can have the op. 

I think we will start trying again in April and see what happens. If it doesn't happen then just means I am meant to have the surgery. If I fall and MC again then I am meant to have the surgery. If I fall and all is ok I will be in complete disbelief and be so happy that this dreaded nightmare is over x


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## Trying4first1

Miss yogi congrats by the way! &#128522;


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## kmpreston

Just a quick update from me to say that baby Bryony finally made her grand entrance on 31st March. She's absolutely perfect and was worth all the pain and waiting.

Hope you ladies are all doing ok x


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## lesondemavie

Congrats km!


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## beccabonny

congrats, km!!


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## Trying4first1

Lovely news! &#128522; Congratulations!


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## wantingagirl

Am I too late to join? But it's also not my 1st but my 4th miscarriage and 3 in a row x


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## lesondemavie

How are you doing trying? I have kept you in my thoughts <3

Wanting - This thread has died off a bit as many of us are now pregnant or holding our babies, but you are always welcome :hugs:


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