# Newly Expecting Mother Not Excited



## Malcolm3

Hi, everyone. First time post!

About my situation: my wife and I were very fortunate and were able to get pregnant within a couple months of trying. We just found out, less than 48 hours ago, that she is pregnant. I have been extremely excited (stressed! but a good kind of stressed), but she barely seems excited at all.

About her: she has been talking about becoming a mother for years. She is a naturally happy person and would usually get emotional just talking about how she couldn't wait to have a baby. She plans on quitting her job and being a stay-at-home mother for the first year or so because she really wants to be there for the baby. She has already had a bit of a "weepy moment" because she didn't understand why she wasn't feeling happy. I comforted her and explained that it was normal and that it would pass, but secretly I am freaking out.

I've already read that, in the first trimester especially, it is normal for mothers to feel ambivalent about the pregnancy, and that these moods will come and go. It's good to know,but I'm hoping to hear from someone that has had experience dealing with this. I'm just so excited but I have no one to share it with. And yeah, I know better, but I am worried that she may never be excited for this baby.

And thoughts or experiences would be appreciated.


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## louise1302

congratulations on your pregnancy

the way she is feeling is perfectly normal, even if youve been trying a while sometimes it can be a shock to actually be pregnant i think maybe the fact hasnt quite hit her yet as its only been a couple of days. also i think women worry far more than men in early pregnancy and shes probably examining every twinge, she will get excited soon

happy and healthy 9 months to you both


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## jen1604

I agree,it probably hasnt quite hit her just yet.

I am sure she will start to get excited further into the pregnancy once you have a scan and need to start buying things.Even if you have been trying she's probably a bit in shock,its such a huge thing that once you actually are pregnant it can be tricky to get your head around at first!

Congratulations on the pregnancy! :cloud9: xxx


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## gills8752

I was the same, we'd been trying for nearly 5 years though and when I did get pregnant, I was petrified then didn't get excited until I started getting a bump and could feel her move. 
It's just hormones and its perfectly normal not to be happy yet, there is always the worry about miscarriage and things that could potentially go wrong. I wasn't really happy until after my 20 week scan when the sonographer said bubba was looking amazingly healthly and active. Then I started getting excited and began thinking about buying baby things etc. 

Tell her to come on here adn chat away to us lot, we're a friendly bunch and will quell any anxiety she has!
:hugs:


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## Pussycat

My own feelings toward my pregnancy changed daily, and they still do actually. (And it's nearly over, I'm 40+2 today) 
Sometimes I was so excited and happy, then I'd be terribly worried that I was going to miscarry or something would go wrong, then I'd worry about how this would change my life and whether I'll be a good Mum, and whether I was 'ready'. So I wasn't always over the moon about it by any means.

(Just quietly, you're probably in for quite an emotional rollercoaster ride over the next few months!!)

Congratulations on your news though, I'm sure your wife is thrilled if she has been talking about it for ages. It's probably still sinking in and in the early days it can be hard to believe that it's actually happening.

Wishing you all the best, any time you have any questions or worries this is a great place to come for advice. xx


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## lynnikins

its natural and normal, this pregnancy ive had a hard time getting excited about being pregnant again and it still doesnt seem real yet im due in just over 10wks now, the hormones going through your wifes system are enough to shake anyone so dont worry about her unless she shows personality changes or seems depressed. im sure everything will settle and she will get really excited soon, best of luck with the pregnancy


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## Cupcakeangel

It can take a while to sink in and I think a lot of women (myself included) don't get really excited until the first scan, when you can see for yourself that the baby is in there and doing ok.


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## mamato2more

Everything they said, but also, there's also the thought of what if?? What if the babe does not make it??? She's hormonal right now, and it just may take some time for it all to set in...Good luck!


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## nightkd

It's very normal for her feelings to be all over the place, we got pregnant the first month of trying and although I was happy and excited, I was also pretty nervous and actually felt a small amount of regret (not the right word, but I think I was just scared and wondered if we'd done the right thing!)!! I felt awful for feeling like that, because I've always wanted to be a mother, but after the shock settled and family and friends were told, I've started to feel better... I feel more connected with my baby, though it's still a scary thought that I'm going to be a mother, I'm really looking forward to it! :)

I think once the baby is born, all of the little worries and concerns will vanish and instinct will take over... It's fear of the unknown mostly; this is my first baby and although I know generally what to do, I question whether I'll be able to do it. This little person will be relying on me and I want to make sure I give them the best opportunities. :)

Just give her a hug and let her know you'll be there for her all the way and once the baby arrives, she won't be alone, you'll be there right alongside her, learning and giving her a break when she needs it!!

xx


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## wannabemamma

I felt the same way. Even at our early scan, when I thought it would all hit home I still felt a little numb to it. I suspect part of it is wanting not to 'bond' too early in case problems occur. I am now getting used to the idea/far more engaged with it because we have told people and all is still (fingers crossed) going well.

Bear in mind that the changes are far huger for your wife than they are for you, I know my husband said that he felt pure excitement because obviously none of what was going to happen in the next 9 months was going to happen to him. Whereas for the lady there is excitement tinged with nerves, fear etc (esp for the first) that can outweigh pure excitement to begin with.


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## _Vicky_

we were lucky enough to fall pregnant the first month of trying with no assistance (with twins but that is another story) for me it was shock as I am 36 I was expecting a wait for at least 6-12 months before I would be pregnant. Is you oh an organised planner type of a person? I am and I was freaked out that this thing was happening that I had basically no control over lol so that might be it. Also the responsibility of growing the baby (babies) is a big one and can be very overwhelming. 

xxxxxxx


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## lauren10

I can totally relate. I think subconsciously I won't let myself be overly happy because I have some worries. I'll probably feel this way until I feel a kick or something!


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## NG09

Congratulations!

I can understand how she is feeling, Mu husband and I got pregnant quickly too and although I am excited now I was in a total state of shock when I did the test and it was positive. All kinds of things went through my mind, stupid things like how the hell am I going to be able to get through labour? How can I be someones mummy, I'll suck at it... etc the list could go on forever. Give her time, it'll just take time to sink in that all.

Take care x


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## trashit

congratulations :flower: i have to say that my pg wasnt planned but i went through all the emotions what any woman goes through even if its all shes ever wanted! Its definitely a shock to every womans system and can take some time to settle, mine took a good few weeks and really it still hasnt fully sunk in!! I went through alot of ups and downs during first tri in particular, including not wanting anyone near me and then breaking down because i was alone? :wacko: its a very strange time... I did also break down a few times thinking id be a terrible mother and talking about adoption, and it was basically because i couldnt get the curtains i wanted... (thats how insane it made me!) so id just bare with it, she will settle down soon. Good luck! xx


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## hivechild

Congratulations! There's nothing more I can really say that hasn't been said by the girls before me, but if it helps to reassure you, I think what she's feeling is pretty normal. It's a scary and overwhelming time (not to mention the hormones, and sickness, and all the other lovely 1st trimester symptoms) even if you've been wanting and looking forward to this forever!


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## dimsumdimple

When I first found out I was pregnant I don't think I had any proper kind of emotional reaction for about a month and a half. It didn't seem really until I saw the scan, and knew for certain there was a baby there and it wasn't just me being silly! I wouldn't worry too much, every woman reacts differently, and it's a pretty scary time for some.


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## better2gether

For me, EVERYTHING changed when I felt the baby kick for the first time and when I saw it at the twenty week ultrasound and learned IT was a GIRL. Every woman is different. Her hormones are on a rollercoaster right now. Were there times I thought, "Crap! I don't want to be pregnant!" Oh yes. Does that make me a bad mother? No, that just makes me an emotional preggo lady. ;) She'll come around, I'm sure. Especially if she has always talked about being a mommy.


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## K1mberley

congrats! I was the same my oh couldnt understand why i wasnt excited and for some reason i felt ashamed?!? i dont know why but i spoke to a girl at work and she made me feel heeps better and told me she felt the same and the feeling will pass when i start telling people, it did and now i am over the moon.it will prob not have sunk in yet for her.


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## JennTheMomma

Congratulations to the both of you!

This feeling can be very normal. It might not feel real to her yet, but in time it will. She needs time to soak this all in. A pregnancy is a life changer, and it's ok to feel iffy about it. 

If she doesn't seem to get happy as time goes by then try to discuss it with her and maybe talk to a specialist about Prenatal Depression. She probably won't have it, but you never know.


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## snowqueen

I felt the same way. Infact, I cried when I found out I was pregnant and all I could say was "this is terrible!". I mean, we decided that if it happened it happened, and I fell pregnant that first time we didn't use protection, so I don't think I was fully prepared for that. I have to admit, I never fully accepted I was pregnant even up through when the baby was born. I didn't feel like a mother until my son was about a year old (recently). So, the best advice I can give is be positive and supportive to your wife.


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## mommy-in-june

Congratulations to you both! :flower:

I sooooo wanted to be pregnant... it was all I could think about. Then, when it happened, I was in a sort of state of shock for a few weeks. Then, for a few more weeks, I was nothing but worried about miscarrying. I'm finally past all that stuff, but it took a while. It was amazing/confusing to me that I couldn't just be happy yet. It will happen. :hugs:


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## mama23

Congratulations! What she is feeling is normal. For me I didn't get too excited until I saw my first ultrasound and then it got even more exciting when my belly started to grow. It makes it more real. Hope I helped ease your mind a little


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## simplybump

i agree with what everyone here has said, but just wanted to add that if she isnt over the moon and excited soon then thats also ok.
i am atm 40 + 1 and only now getting excited. 
im not one of those women who loved being pregnant. i hated it, i have been constantly ill and sore since the day i found out which made it worse, my body hasnt been my own, it changed so much and i didnt like it at all. she might be like this and really all you can do is remind her why shes doing it like my partner did, i dont think i would have coped i felt like i was going to be a terrible mother because i dont automatically feel this huge bond but my mw and partner have reassured me its all normal, everyones different and 40 weeks is a long time to go through any experience! hopefully she will have an easier time and when it sinks it she will be over the moon, but if not then shes as normal as everyone else :)


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## Claire788

Yup I felt the same way, I didnt get excited till about 20 weeks and could feel him kick, I was absolutely terrified for the first 4 months that something would go wrong.. I couldn't see past the fear to be excited, but It has come, and now I am ecstatic :) Dont worry, your Mrs has hormones to contend with, and the fear of the unknown! 

You seem like a uber supportive Hubby, carry on as you are, and I'm sure you'll be fine xx


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