# pregnant friend drinking is making me see red



## lilesMom

i need to rant to calm down, i know a person she is more a work person than a friend, we hang out in the same group. we had a work bday party the other nt and she was knocking back beer, she had as much or more than everyone there. it made me so mad, would u give a new born alcohol, its same bloody thing. it wasnt a one off she does it all the time, 
she knows i had mmc and pretty soon after i went back to work she told me she was expecting ,that was fine, was lovely of her, she pulled me aside and told me cos she didnt want me to hear else where and be hurt, she is a nice person so i just dont get it. 
a few days after she told me she was on about a party she was goin to and how she was gonna stick to 'only wine so it would be fine' arrggghhhh!

i know it is none of my business really but its horrible to see. 
i would love to say it but i know it would do no good at all and would only cause an agrument but her poor baby is suffering, it can have long reaching effects on him/her. its not like 40 weeks is even that long :) 
ok sorry rant slowing down. i just needed to get it out there :)


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## Bubsta

That's really sad isn't it. Does she have a drinking problem? I'm trying to figure out why anyone would risk getting blind drunk unless they had an addiction to alcohol. Is she young? Maybe doesnt see it as serious? I had the same scenario when I was pregnant with my DD... Went out for a group dinner and there was a partner of a friend who was doing the same. Drinking lots of wine and smoking... Just so sad. Just about bit my tongue off so I didn't say anything! (Mind you I think another diner did and she didn't care)


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## lilesMom

it is horrible , her poor baby. she is young ish but not so much she shouldnt have more sense, she is in her 20s. i think she is 24 ish its yucky to see. i was itching to say it but i know it would have done absolutely no good . x
thansk hon, i was so mad i had to let it out some where ;) ha ha


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## lilesMom

just noticed we r exact same amount preg :)


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## Bubsta

Come and join the June gals! A great bunch over there and you'll fit right in! X


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## lilesMom

il look for it now thanks, hon. :) im afraid of joining too many before my scan next week, im hoping that will give me reassurance that this is for real this time :) thanks hon xxxxxxxx


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## Tournesol

Ooh, that would make me angry too. 

I kind of have the same situation with a friend actually. She told me she was 12w when I miscarried at 5 1/2w. She said it nicely via email as she didn't want to upset me. 
She's now about 24w I think and apparently she's drinking (not a lot, but still!) and smoking, which makes me really mad! She smoked all through her 1st pregnancy then quit when her daughter was about 1, then started up again before she got pregnant with this one. What's that all about? She gave up before, she should do it again! 
I was a smoker, I gave up when I found out I was pregnant, then when I MC'd I smoked my way through a fair few packets. But I gave up again and I haven't touched one since then. I even make my OH smoke outside (until I convince him to give up too) 
Grrr :growlmad:


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## lilesMom

i know hon, my OH voluntarily smokes outside, but if he didnt id make him haha 
its awful to see when we would do anything to have our babies :) xxxxxxxxxx
i work in a hosp adn i see loads of moms out there with huge bumps smoking outside the front door, it just looks awfull. poor babies. its proven to be bad so i dont get how these people justify it to themselves.


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## Bubsta

Smoking is so hard to give up. I should know, I felt guilty every time I lit up knowing my DD needs her mum around and I shouldn't be smoking. I tried so many times and just couldn't quit. Having said that, I gave up smoking the very next day after getting my BFP. Something in my brain just said, nup, I can't do this. I know it's hard, but if you can't do it by yourself, then go see your doctor and see what they can recommend to help you. Try hypnosis... Do whatever it takes to stop. I wish anyone trying to quit, the best of luck and lots of positive 'you can do it!' Xx


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## Tournesol

lilesmom, I totally agree, there's nothing uglier than a pregnant woman smoking. I just find it disgusting and selfish. 

Bubsta, I was exactly the same, tried to give up so many times before, almost succeeded a few times but I always went back to it. Then I got my BFP and I thought "nope! I do not need this"
The first week was hell, but I got there and I'm now 10 weeks smoke free! 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a reformed smoker, preaching to the world about how bad it is, people can do what they want as far as I'm concerned. I just think it's totally wrong to force smoking on your unborn child.


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## lilesMom

bubsta i smoked for 8 yrs i know its really hard but it is doable and they have the best reason in the world to do so :) well done on quitting , it is tough xxxxxxx
i dont miss htem at all now , i gave up 10 yrs ago ( i started smoking at 14 :blush: ) and i dont know why i ever smoked now :) 
what age is ur daughter honey ? :)

tournesol ,well done on giving up too sweetie, thats great :)
it gets easier and easier as time goes on :) xxxx
soon u wont have any moments that u ever miss um x


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## Bubsta

Thanks girls, yep, it was hard after I had my MC to not take them back up again, but I knew how hard it was to give up in the past and I wasn't prepared to go through that again. (I smoked for probably 12+ years and gave up back in 2004) So this time around, it's been maybe 4months now, and there are times when I think one would be nice, and then I think how disgusting it would taste after this long off them. Wouldn't go back. I only started again when my DD was about 2 (she is 4 and a half now) because DH started again. He has also quit. I'm too old to do such damage to my body now (37).

Good on us all for quitting and staying that way. Xx


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## lilesMom

its never a good age to damage ourselves, we were just silly :) and ur not old sweetie, if still in ur 30s is old then what we be like at 60 and 70, ha ha only messing but ur not old xxxxxxx im 32 by the way. when i was 17 i would have considered 32 old but not anymore, loads o life left in me yet ( i hope ) ha ha


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## Bubsta

Lol, very true LilesMom, we shouldn't damage our bodies at any age. I guess your right, maybe 37 isn't that old... I just feel old sometimes, as I guess we all do from time to time. Xx


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## lilesMom

espeacially when i went out and forgot it was student nt a while back, they all looked about 12 ha ha xxxxx


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## Tournesol

Well done girls for staying off the fags! 

I also started age 14, smoked for 10 years, at age 24 I gave up, lasted 2 years but put on LOADS of weight. Then I started up again, lost the weight, felt better about myself but so unhealthy with the smoking. 
Now I'm 30 and have the best reason in the world for staying smoke free!

Our bodies are temples, especially now that we have little lives growing inside them. :happydance:

Oh and 30 is the new 20! We are definitely not old! xx


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## Bubsta

Well done Tournesol for giving them up! Evil things aren't they. I like your way of thinking.... 30 is the new 20.... That means I'm only 27... That sounds pretty good to me! Lol. Xxx


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## baileybubs

Weel done ladies for all quitting smoking! I am the same, smoked for ten years then got pg and quit immediately, I did then smoke about after my mc in an "I'm pissed off at the world" kinda way but then quit again coz I was ttc. I know its hard to quit smoking (and believe me I try so hard to get my df to quit but he says its too hard!!) but I found having a little baby in your tummy is THE best motivation to quit, I thought to myself that if that isnt reason enough not to smoke then what the hell is??
And as for drinking, I know friends and family of mine are always saying to me that one wont do any harm but I just cant (I never feel like it anyway coz I'm always so thirsty Id rather have a soft drink or water!). I dont understand how people can get wasted when pregnant? As if you dont feel tired/unwell enough already without adding alcohol to the equation, I even panic about my caffeine consumption! 
Its strange how differently people think about these things isnt it?
I have a workmate who had a mc, then got pg again and smoked through her pregnancy.....now I am paranoid about everything so I just dont know how she did that, maybe she just stopped worrying after 1st tri or something!

Anyway just wanted to say hi to all you like-minded ladies! Always good to know there are other people who share your views!


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## lilesMom

bubsta, i overlooked where u answered me about ur DD. soz. 4.5 is a lovely age, bet she is a cute little thing :) they can be so funny at that age. i have 37 nieces and nephews and 3 gran nephews so we have a broad age range of kiddies in the family, they r so amusing :) 
hi baileybubs, i remember ur name :) u r so right, its exhausting enough as it is. 
my work person was even complaining to people at work the next day that the hangover was kicking in, just as well im out of work at the mo, i would have def had to say something if she said that to me. i normally hate people who judge people but this is one area i cant help judging their choice. cos its not just their choice, they r choosing for bub too. 
tournesol, i put on loads of weight when i gave up too, i lost it 3 times and gained it 3 times. doh!!!! for now im being as healthy as my sickiness will allow (sometimes i can only eat specific things) and walking everyday, but i wont really try to lose it till after cos im not allowed take up anything now anyway. after 12 weeks il hopefully take up preg yoga and swiming and maybe start light dancing again. i love dancing, its the best exercise :)


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## Tournesol

37 nieces and nephews?! Wow! Christmas must be tough :haha:

I'm the same, trying to healthy, but I'm so sick at the moment I'm struggling to keep anything down. Not fun.


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## lilesMom

i only buy for my god children now really and my closest siblings :)
its gotten too big :) 
im not throwing up yet thank god but i just cant eat for nausea sometimes r can only stomach specific things, but i seem to get a few hrs break most days so its not unbearable, but it is hard to be healthy when food is making u sick., 
all i want is wholegrain things so its not awfull but im not gettin 5 a day at all lately.


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## Tournesol

I'm barely getting 1 a day, let alone 5! :haha:
Don't throw up if you can help it, once I started I couldn't stop, it's awful. 
I've been taking a herbal remedy called Nux Vomica for the last few days, which actually seems to be helping, so look for that if you're feeling really bad.


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## Mizze

My last cigarette was the weekend I concieved Caitlyn. I'd smoked for years gave up, went back, gave up etc. Gave up the moment I got my bfp on the miscarriages and went back with a vengeance when the mmcs happened - fags and booze in abundance - no self destructive tendencies there then! Decided before Caitlyn that I'd get fit and healthy before ttc again, went away for an anniversary weekend and bang -bfp. I was very lucky in that I too got the switch in my head which said "pregnant=no fags". That's 2 & 1/2 years ago now. 


Mizze x


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## JennyBLove

Sorry but that girl drinking is a straight Loser!!! Wow id wanna kick her in her face! How pathetic she must be. Her baby will have alcohol fetal syndrom which shee will have to liive with forever, they say tons of babies are born with it, most end up in jail if its not noticable, they just have mental issuues but ones that suffer horribly from it are severly n I mean severly agitile children that are very violent and have distinct features. I was a pca for the sick, n thought once about a job for a kid that was, but they said I needed experience with violent children, n that scared me. Poor baby!! Shes a worthless mother, n should nvr have gotte pregnant, n if there was such a thing as calling in a line to report what shes doing I would n make sure her kid was takn away from her as she dorles not deserve that child. Shes careless n selfish. Poor baby. I feel no remorse and how can she even tell anyone that she is or that sticking to wine is ok, or partyin even, I hope she suffers. Sounds mean but, what shes doing is horrid n sickening. Ugh.


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## JennyBLove

I would tell everyone what shes doing


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## lilesMom

tournesol , im a big baby when it comes to throwing up, il actually swallow it back down rather than let it out (sorry tmi :) ) , i fight it all the way. having said that it may get hte better of me, sometimes it refuses to stay down :) hoping that wont happen :)
sorry u r having such a hard time from it xxxxxxxxxxx glad ur remedy is workin a little xxxxxxxxxxxx

mizze well done on giving up chick, it is hard but doable xxxxxxxxxx

jenny they know anyway hon, she doesnt hide it, i do feel really bad for her baby though. she is actually a nice girl so thats doubly why i dont understand it . 
she has another son who she is always goin on about so i find it really weird that she does it. she drank when preg with him too. 
il never understand it i suppose , cos its something i wouldnt do in a million yrs :) xxxx
ur 9 weeks ur ticker says hon, how u feelin? xx


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## JennyBLove

Yeah thas horrid, shes sounds like a horrible person/mom. Yeah cant wait for appointmnt nxt monday, feelin very nervous, symptoms are pretty good not as much nausea now, very tired always, and horomonal lol u?


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## lilesMom

pretty much the same jenny :) nausea i have good days and bad days :) 
im always tired and get pretty emotional sometimes but its all for a great cause :)


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## JennyBLove

Thats good:) ugh today takn a shower just seemed hard wrk. Feelin sick after. Also my man just broke up with me so feelin even sicker. Im glad things are goin good for you n cant wait for appntmnt, whens urs?


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## lilesMom

oh god jenny thats awfull, is it just a spat u think? xx :hugs:
i had my U/s today, my baby has a heartbeat so happy :) 
it reduces my risk of mc so much :)


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## JennyBLove

Ugh I hope everything turns out by time babies born :(. ,not looin good now. Awww thats good to hear about ur baby!!!! Im happy for you. I cant wait for mine on monday nxt week!!! Seems like a great place since im switching. I saw the most amazing pic today that made me cry, this doc that does surgery on babies in the womb by taking uterus out, was helping a baby with spinabifida, and the baby reached out and gripped his finger during surgery!!! Only 21 wks old so amazing. N baby went on to live after biryh, but wouldnt have without that surgery. Aww 



lilesMom said:


> oh god jenny thats awfull, is it just a spat u think? xx :hugs:
> i had my U/s today, my baby has a heartbeat so happy :)
> it reduces my risk of mc so much :)


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## lilesMom

i think pregnancy is a hard time for couples chick ,its a lot of extra pressure, best of luck, hope ye work it out xxx
wow thats amazing, i never heard of that, its unreal what docs can do isnt it ;)


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## JennyBLove

Yeah, we were already having trouble from issues so I hope that he will come around sometime, just doesnt look like it. We live together n he moved me out of state for his job n I dont wrk, no car now, n nowhere else to go so I dunno what to do.

Its a pretty graphic detail n I dunno what u can stomach but if u can heres the link https://2.bp.blogspot.com/_qd7m9MQMDIQ/SaCeIMQX-vI/AAAAAAAAAiY/9qMcJ1nDfEM/s400/Samuelshand.jpg

Crazy stuff!! Ugh I just wanted too see what 9 week old fetus looked like n some horrible abortion pics came up!! Iused to live nxt door, sadly to a abortion clinic n so many people protested and prayed in front of the place daily, they even had a secret stand to yell at people that tryd to walk up to clinic, a church was right nxt door to it!! Ugh so awful. Yeah im so lazy, u feelin alot of symptoms? my breasts arnt as sore now n not as bad a nausea hope thats good thing! Laundry time.


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## lilesMom

hope it works out hon, these things can take time, how awful to feel stranded though. do u have someone u can go visit or are u really far from them ? xx :hugs:
yeah i was looking up ways to prevent mc before and how to do a home abortion came up, i was sick. 
my nausea is a bit better now yest and today but i seem to have traded it for heartburn :)


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## JennyBLove

Yeah im far far from them, but talk to some from my home state. Yeah I hope things will get better!! yeah me too, not sure how to tell if heartburn but a few hrs ago started getting this icky dull burning pain in between my ribs underneath bra, like top of tummy. It was after I ate it started. I ised to have ulcer when younger so not sure if its just irritated again or if its somthing else, but its not cool. Layin dwn or sitting dont hell. N also havnt really been able to go bm sry tmi except for just a lil every few days, dunno if thats connected with pain. But its not intestine cramps which is another horrid thing. Ugh. having tummy issues makes it worse I guess when preg. Thankfully havnt thrownup yet, took a zofran but didnt work for that!


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## lilesMom

my tummy is the same hon, im upping my fruit and veg and eating lots of whole grains and hoping that does the trick. :) i never had heartburn before im assuming its heartburn , cos it feels like what other people describe as heartburn :) 
maybe that is ur ulcer hon cos ur stressed now too, would u ring ur doc? xxx 
for heartburn lying down makes it worse cos its caused by acid coming back up from ur tummy . they say dont eat within 2 hrs of goin to bed, and sleep with ur head up a bit . 
its meant to help anyway.


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## JennyBLove

Yeah I got it few days before my bfp too. So probably. Im not sure. I do wanna go see doc sooner n talk about things since im so stressed out...i just wanna make sure babies okay!! Yeah I thought for sure milk would help but didnt


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## lilesMom

youghurt maybe ? bit more soothing than milk xxxxx
hope its better sooon hon xxxxx


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## JennyBLove

lilesMom said:


> youghurt maybe ? bit more soothing than milk xxxxx
> hope its better sooon hon xxxxx

Yeah ill try that!!! Gotta go shoppin today anyways but yeah feelin better today, hope its not a constant thing, I remember havin this feelin from certain antibiotics before but more of acid in throat. 
Ugh I keep tryn call docs lol n first the transfer to me to employee line, then I call back n the girl is having a convo with me about her sister almost like I wasnt on the line n she was talkin to someone else. Lol one time I workd for a telemarketing n called someone n they answered, then someone else answered, and they said "this is my number" then the other person said "no this is my number" lol dumb phone issues lol. Wierd. 
Anyways im so hurt my guy doesnt want it to work, I still have to live here, but he never comes home at night for last week, was first at his mas for weeks, then now his friends he goes out n stays out all night. I think hes seein someobe else too. Who knows, but either way he acts like he doesnt care n doesnt love me anymore.
how you feeling today?


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## lilesMom

i dont have any good advice really chick, im sorry things arent goin well for ye, did u call him, will he talk to u? he doesnt sound like he is treatin u very well hon. xx :hugs:

im alright babe, i feel very not pregnant today which is a bit freaky. i should just be glad i have a break from being sick but tomor is the day my last pregnancy stopped growing, but i was still sick last time and i heard the heartbeat yest so should be fine. x


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## JennyBLove

Hey thought I responded guess not, how are you? me n guy still not together, he moved down street n bought me a bed n is paying my rent and is moving his bed out after hes back from out of town wrk. Hell talk but just crabby, n about himself. So happy saw my baby tho monday and it was movin its lil arms n legs n heartbeat was good n heard it!!! Made me almost cry n smiled all day!! Feels real now!!


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## lilesMom

maybe get him to come to a scan so he realises ye made a real baby and might be worth talking properly xxx i dont think it seems real to guys till then cos they cant feel anything. 
glad u got to see ur bub, its cool isnt it :)


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## JennyBLove

Yeah I dont get another one till week 20 when ill see gender too. But already said he may come if he can! His wrk is outta town alot but if not hell come im sure!! Yeah I showed him the pic of baby n I think it kinda set in then, but hasnt been very nice. Just miss him alot n would do anything to have family together. Yeah it was amzing it looke just like a lil teddybear. Measured a lil earlier so now im like 10 weeks exactly. How have u been doing????


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## lilesMom

aw ur very own teddy bear :) xxx
its so nice to be able to see bub :) maybe he just needs a bit of space and will come round, i hope xxxxx :hugs:
im good babe, shattered today and i dont know why but im fine :)
have another scan now sat, private scan cos i wanted a scan after the date i lost lile to be sure its ok this time :) so im looking forward to that, only one more day to wait through :) x


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