# wedding or IVF?



## lynne192

had RE today and been told that we'll be unable to concive unless we use IUI or IVF we are able to get IUI 6rounds on NHS but its 9months+waiting list for it, if that doesn't work then IVF is our only option but nhs wont help because of course i have my son, so looks like we'll need to save for IvF but we;re meant to be getting married in 18months so should i keep the money and use it on ivf and just have a reg office wedding and nothing else, or should i put it towards the wedding and wait for ivf.... no idea how much ivf is likely to cost in total privately... :(

i feel torn and unsure what to do....


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## sianyld

didnt want to say either hun as its a personal choice! 
so sorry to hear that u will need to use other options to conceive! we've found out today that im not O'ing! we're gettin married nxt yr and will be holding off on ttc for a while after xmas but atm with the way i feel i think i'd go for the treatment! but like i said its down 2u hunny xxx


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## lynne192

yeah i know there is a chance iui might work but there is a chance it might not so i dunno and over £5,000 a try of ivf and our wedding all we can save is £2K :(


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## aly888

It is a totally personal choice hun, but if I was ever in that situation it would be IVF for me :hugs:
For me, the marraige is important, but it can be done for a couple hundred quid at the registry office. Having a baby can only be done a few different ways. If I had been told that I couldnt conceive naturally (which by the way never means never. So many women go on to get pregnant after being told they cant) then I would be saving every penny I could to make sure that the remaining options were open to me! I don't know what IUI is, but you never know, you may get lucky and catch the first time, meaning your wedding could be a double celebration :flower:

But I must stress, it's a very personal decision that only you and your OH can make. Good luck honey, and I am so sorry that it has had to come to this :hugs::hugs: xx


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## aly888

Nevermind, I know what IUI is now (pretty much what I had guessed). If you get 6 rounds of that then hopefully your chances are quite good :hugs:


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## winegums

personally for me IVF but everyone is different and you need to work out what you want! good luck with the nhs treatment


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## lynne192

yeah know its personal choice just not sure if its emotions playing atm doubt we'll save £5k anytime soon :(


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## krissie1234uk

Oh hun :hugs:
It would have to be the IVF for me too. I really hope the IUI works for you and you can have your wedding and your baby too xxx


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## lynne192

me too thanks been looking into egg sharing too so might try that if we can?


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## Tink1o5

Sorry sorry to hear that your options have come down to this hun. :hugs: 
Im going to have to agree though i would have the Ivf simple because you never know how long you will have left to concieve. (not implying your old or anything :haha:) but you can ALWAYS go get married. (theres no time limit or time frame) on getting married. Where sadely with menopause that puts us woman in a area of a few years to concieve. I read an article awhile back to that some woman are actually hitting menopause earlier. 

SIGH, why dont ment have to deal with this :haha:

Sending :hugs: your way hun. Really hope things work out for you


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## MissMummyMoo

I'm afraid it would have to be the IVF for me too hun :hugs: It is such a hard decision to make it really is. Could you not put all the money away for the IVF and just get married in a registry office and if the IUI does work then have a party for everyone to celebrate?

Also if the IUI didn't work at least you would have the money for IVF and still be married x


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## honeybee2

you have your son, and although i know you would like a child that is both your own have your dream wedding and worry about IVF later on. I know you've been waiting to get married Lynne- you never know you might fall naturally. We have to have IUI too- not sure how many rounds we can have. 

I know because we have to actually go through this process, its going to be physically and psychologically challenging esp on our relationship so its probably better that we are married first and finiancially stable and Ive graduated from uni. 

We have tried for 23 months and who ever is up there knows I want children desperately, but now the wedding is booked and we are finally doing it- I want to live my life a little before I have to put our relationship through the hardships of assisted conception. I know it will be a long and hard battle. 

Good luck xxx


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## lynne192

lol thanks i am only 21 so time is some what on my side i guess and wont be offere iui until next march/april then get 6cycles so that takes me to at least sept/oct, so thats about 5-6months before the wedding, wont be able to do ivf until after the wedding because u need to be 23 and i turn 23 on my wedding day :D lol i dunno wondering if i might be better asking for guests to give us money gifts towards ivf?


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## honeybee2

ye we are asking for money but i wouldnt actually say that its for IVF- im not sure how they'll take it. I'm 23 2 months after the wedding, so we'll be putting our name down then for IVF. I think we can start IUI soon though- but we still wont untill after the wedding. We've gone this far without having a child, it will be nice to bring a child into the world which we have created through our marriage. Im not one for tradition- but it kinda seems nice now haha! x


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## lynne192

thanks will see what happens and keep going with wedding plans, if iui fails then will see whats next we are getting 6 rounds of iui.... OH is really looking forward to it and hopeful, we have been through worse so don't think ivf will be the break of us. but money wise wont be fun.... i know i have my son and god i am mega mega grateful if he was my partners then none of this would be happening, but he's not so it is, i feel terrible tieing my partner down if i can't give him little ones, he's the only one left in his family alive so if he doesn't have children his family line dies with hun :(


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## myasmumma

i agree with aly :) if you really want to get married you could just get married you OH little one two witnesses and such my friend did it just over £100 and you still have the 2,000 for saving ivf and you have both things, although noone can make the decision for you as its a personal choice between you and your OH i hope this helps a little and you decide what to do good luck xx


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## MissMummyMoo

Totally OT but I really didn't think you were that young :shock: :blush: x


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## Scamp

If it was me hun, I'd go for IVF. 
Could you do both? Use the money for IVF and then have a really cheap wedding? 
x


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## honeybee2

ye- i mean you have told me before your not doing it for anyone but because you love each other & that you just want a marriage. You could just do a quickie down the registry office and go for a meal afterwards at the harvester of somewhere nice with a few guests then a wine bar to celebrate- you could do it for £200 and it will be just as lovely! xx then you have your savings for IVF if IUI fails. If you still wanted that big wedding in the future you could re-do your vows with a bigger celebration! Or if you still wanted the party- how about a BBQ for a few nearest & dearest in the backgarden? tell everyone to bring a platter & some wine. xxx


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## lynne192

yeah will see what happens and told it over with OH my family never get together and we're all mega close so wanted them to be there but i guess time will tell.


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## Bocket

aww hun, just wanted to send u some :hugs: 

So sorry you've got such a hard decision to make.

Keep positive, everything happens for a reason, even if at the time it feels like nothing will ever work out, in the end everything will come right, you & Dan will be fab parents and you will be a beautiful bride too.

When there's a will, there's always a way.

Keep smiling huni xxxx :hugs:


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## lynne192

thanks hun i am sure it will just soo depressing the whole thing :( but got my dress already so i dunno i wanna be a mother and wife so i guess might have to give up dreams of a family wedding.... wish had some or any support from my family and friends.


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## Bocket

we can be ur lil online family, don't go through this alone, vent it all out! You're been really strong and mature about the whole situation. You have a beautiful dress and you will get to wear it (who knows you may even need a maternity panel sewing into it!) 

Know where I am if ever you just want to vent :hugs: xxx


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## 24/7

I'd have a simple registry office wedding, just the three of you and save for IVF. I wish you all the best. xxx


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## honeybee2

I bet you wont even need to save for IVF...have the wedding that you want and save up afterwards. Your only 21- you have years left to save up for IVF and 6 IUI treatments, plenty of options without giving up the wedding.


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## lynne192

our RE has put a timeline on it but i am hoping that with medical advances that in the future they might find something to help too??? i dunno i just have to wait it out and see what they do and if iui works, if it does great, if i work on the clomid for next two cycles that might do the trick too?


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## honeybee2

theyve not put me on clomid because they cant find anything wrong with me...but i think deep down there is??


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## lynne192

how strange, wonder what it is thats wrong with you? how long you been TTC again? i think clomid is not worth it unless you really need it too many side effects and not so much success... never done us any good but i am desprate i don't ovulate so that doesn't help our chances.


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## chelseaharvey

Its def a personal choice

We had been trying for 2.5 years & in Sept were paying to go private as there is nothing else out fertility clinic could do for us & were having to go down the route of IVF

We were going to have to save for it & like you it was the choice of IVF or a wedding (couldnt afford to do both at the same time)

We went & booked the wedding, just because the last 2.5 years have been so emotional stressful & hard & we wanted something positve to focus on & plan

We do have a child already, had we not i think IVF would have taken priority...

I feel pregnant though all on my own after all that time & also being told that without IVF i prob wouldnt.

Its a hard choice to make i guess it depends what it more important to you


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## lynne192

thanks we've been TTC over 3 years and i know having kids is very important to us, my OH is really positive about the IUI i am just worried that we'll get married and then i wont be able to have children even with iui or ivf and then he is left childless all his life, not sure i could ever feel comfortable putting him in that place. i know he says if it doesn;t happen then its alright but as i said before he is the last one alive in his family so if he doesn't have children his family line dies with him :( i come from a huge family and have a son so there was never that presure for me, i always wanted a huge family so i think often i am grieving because i know thats not possible :(


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## aly888

:hugs: aww hun, he is marrying you because he loves you (and your little boy), not so that he can carry on him familys blood-line!!

IVF isnt the be all and end all. There is always surrogacy or adoption :hugs: It's not the blood in your veins that makes a family, it's the love and protection you offer each other xx


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## lynne192

as much as thats true because i am about genetics and such i want my OH to have a child thats biologically his, plus we would not be able to adpot :( and surrogocy isn't always easy and very often expensive :( i know i am being really selfish here and i want to be able to carry a baby for him :( pregnancy is such a huge thing to me i know i am being stupid and will prob get over this a change my mind in the future but it just seems soo depressing at the moment.... 

i know my OH is marrying me because he loves me its not him thats putting the presure on but i would really like us to have a baby of our own, again selfish but been dying for a baby girl so we can call her after his grandmother, she is in her 90's almost 100 and really want her to have someone named after her before she passes away, she is such a lovely women and out of the millions of kids, grandkids and great grandkids she has none are named after her which is a huge thing to me because in my family its all about family name, my son is named after my brother, my uncle, my grandfather, great grandfather and so on lol sorry i know i am rambling and ranting, its just all so huge for me and wish it was an easy thing that we didnt need to think about that we could just have a drunken night and "hey darling we're pregnant" lol but i know that wont happen... sorry i know you all feel this horrible fight too :(


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## aly888

:hugs: Of course it is huge for you hun. It is a major part of anyones life and we totally understand how stressful and upsetting this must be for you!!
The reason I say he is marrying you for you is coz in your last post you were feeling guilty about possibly putting him in a position of having no children, but you dont need to feel guilty for it babes.

Have your wedding. Marry the man of your dreams. Focus on that, enjoy that, then afterwards you can start focusing on completing your family. IUI might work, IVF might work, or, like lots of other women, you might still catch naturally against all the odds :hugs: You seem to have an awful lot going on in your life right now, so I think you need your wedding as something positive to work towards :flower: xx


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## lynne192

thanks will have a think about what to do going today to see if i can find another job or two and maybe have both things if i work my ass off.


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## subaru555

huni we were ttc for 6 years on the ivf waiting list and i got pregnant naturally.iui worked 2nd time for lots of people i know x


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## lynne192

thanks hun i just worried because can't afford both if it comes to it :( and plus i was fighting to get deposit back and now they are saying they are keeping it from my own sublet and i will need to pay extra :cry: feel like its all fucken back luck for me atm.


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## subaru555

Why don't you go on the iui waiting list and then have the wedding you wanted, there's always time for saving for ivf, both you and oh could have weekend jobs etc.


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## honeybee2

it is stressful- but have your wedding to have something positive to focus on! works wonders for the body de-stressing and your reproductive system!!!


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## lynne192

after getting letter from my old agency might not be able to do the wedding anyways :( they want over £1k for the work that needs to be done to my old sublet i am honestly close to tears, i can't afford that.. i called my father who is a landlord and said no way can they take that from me but i don't know i don't want the hassle anymore i just wanna crawl into a hole and go to sleep :( going this afternoon to find a job hopefully one that pays really well. was hoping to restart medical school in the near future but thats not going to happen now, got hospital this afternoon for my HMS so hopefully the specialist there has some good news and help to make my joints painfree and last longer...


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## Feltzy

You know I was saying to OH last night that if you wanted to you could get married on a very low budget and still have a fab time, you could go to a registry office and have a party back at your house and put some food on for people. Or hire your local hall or something and do your own food if you don't have much space. You could still have a memorable day that everyone enjoys you don't have to spend a fortune.

I personally would choose IVF but like someone else said its a personal choice.


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## lynne192

Feltzy said:


> You know I was saying to OH last night that if you wanted to you could get married on a very low budget and still have a fab time, you could go to a registry office and have a party back at your house and put some food on for people. Or hire your local hall or something and do your own food if you don't have much space. You could still have a memorable day that everyone enjoys you don't have to spend a fortune.
> 
> I personally would choose IVF but like someone else said its a personal choice.

thats what we were doing in the first place as don't have much money so will take is even longer if we pay out for a wedding then ivf if you know what i mean?


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## bump_wanted

im not being cheeky but how much of a budget are you on?? you can pm me if you want just i noticed your from cumbernauld (on another post)...i am 2 and we had our wedding for £1000 (to the penny) so if it was still an option i could tell you where i got my stuff etc xx


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## lynne192

our max utter max is £2k but would love to do it cheaper, we're getting married in cumbernauld reg office then having reception in cumbernauld new town hall. got my dress already got it off of ebay but not got anything else yet.


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## bump_wanted

o i got married in the reg office aswell but we had our reception in the Condorrat Arms the function bit couldnt recommend it enough was cheap aswell...i went to country baskets to get the stuff for my flowers (you need a trade card but tiaras and stuff aswell is sold there and you can apply online i think) i got stuff for my favours and tables there aswell. i didnt have bridesmaids and anyone who wanted to wear a kilt rented there own from a shop in the fort but i didnt really like them tbh and it wasnt that much cheaper than slaters if i think of anything else ill tell you xx


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## lynne192

oh nice, how was the reg office? i haven't actually been in it yet... i would consider the condorrat one but i actually have a kinda phobia of condorrat, my extremely violent ex and james' father (sperm donor) lives there and every time i go there i just have breakdowns so don't think that would be a good idea on our wedding day :( its only costing me £133 to hire the new town hall and going to do my own food.

what country basket? where is it and how do you get a trading card? do you need to be in some sort of trading business like costco? 

may i be really rude and ask what you paid for flowers? tiara, favours etc?? any information/pictures would be great :D 

i am having one bridesmaid but getting a simple cheap dress, i got my dress for £35 off of ebay when it was worth £450. looking at hiring kilts they done ones in glasgow new tron gate for £49 each. 

got a layout of our budget.


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## bump_wanted

o god prolly not the best idea for you to come to condorrat ever then!! i borrowed a lot from my family tbh so my tiara was borrowed...my flowers and table stuff didnt come to more than £100 that country baskets is so cheap my MIL had a trading card but i looked at the link online...it does ask for a business but you could just register at your home address i dont think they could check https://www.countrybaskets.co.uk/member-application.php its in blochairn but google it and it will tell you how to get there on bus (easier by car tho) i was getting mixed up we got married in the Town Hall not the registery office but i did see the reg office done up for a wedding and it looked really beautiful you should ask them to let you in when they are setting one up just for a wee look

for my favours i just had a wee blue box (blue was our colour) with a heart shaped chocolate in it...they went down well 

also we got our cake from greggs just a plain white icing one 2 tiers it was small but done the job i bought ribbon and put that round it and a few wee flowers i had left over

my cousin is a make up artist so she done my make up but she also does hair she has a facebook page i can tell you it if you fancy 

tbh its not how much a wedding costs in my opinion its what it means to you...xx


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## lynne192

bump_wanted said:


> o god prolly not the best idea for you to come to condorrat ever then!! i borrowed a lot from my family tbh so my tiara was borrowed...my flowers and table stuff didnt come to more than £100 that country baskets is so cheap my MIL had a trading card but i looked at the link online...it does ask for a business but you could just register at your home address i dont think they could check https://www.countrybaskets.co.uk/member-application.php its in blochairn but google it and it will tell you how to get there on bus (easier by car tho) i was getting mixed up we got married in the Town Hall not the registery office but i did see the reg office done up for a wedding and it looked really beautiful you should ask them to let you in when they are setting one up just for a wee look
> 
> for my favours i just had a wee blue box (blue was our colour) with a heart shaped chocolate in it...they went down well
> 
> also we got our cake from greggs just a plain white icing one 2 tiers it was small but done the job i bought ribbon and put that round it and a few wee flowers i had left over
> 
> my cousin is a make up artist so she done my make up but she also does hair she has a facebook page i can tell you it if you fancy
> 
> tbh its not how much a wedding costs in my opinion its what it means to you...xx

yeah not sure condorrat would be a good place to be... yeah think i am gonna borrow some stuff from family... where is blochairn? sorry i am sooo stupid on these things never heard of it? will need to look into it though, £100 not to bad what did you get for that?

not sure if they will check business like costco do :(

yeah will see what they have in reg office, not been up to talk to them yet.

yeah our colour is dark blue and white oh sound nice, my MIL is making her world famous tablet gonna get it maid in heart shapped and wrap them in cellowrap with ribbon from our colour scheme....

we are gonna get our cake from M&S and Asda can get a 4tier plain white wedding cake (3teirs sponge and one fruit) for under £100 gonna decorate myself with thisles and family tartan. how much did the greggs one skin you?

thats cool about your cousin being a make up artist, my auntie is one and does hair etc too and because her daughter is my only bridesmaid she is doing my hair, my make-up, my B/M hair and make-up, flower girls hair and my mums hair all for free :D my OH's cousins wife is a brilliant photographer and she honestly should be famous for her work so going to ask her to do that for us save us money there will just pay for materials etc...

i know what you mean we're getting the cheapest of the cheap i just have a really big family who i am really close to and because i am inviting all of them my OH has to invite his which adds to numbers etc so all adds up in the end,

we're getting our Rings from Argos i think....

my MIL is a chef so might try and talk her into helping with the food my Step brother is too and he caters for family parties sometimes so many i can bribe him to do it lol...

still stuck on entertainment, and my auntie is a graphics designer and done all her wedding herself so going to see if she can do my wedding stationary (invitations etc) and maybe help decorate the wedding hall etc...


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## Mummy2Angel.

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## lynne192

yeah agree i just not 100% sure we will need to ivf IUI or clomid etc might work for us so just having thoughts on the money side of things.


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