# Unmarried teacher....pregnant?!



## LouOscar01

So...

I am a teacher...intending to get pregnant whilst engaged, but unmarried. Simply cannot afford to get married at the moment, and cannot keep waiting for baby.

However, I work in a Christian school....and can't help but feel that I am failing to 'uphold the Christian ethos of the school'. I don't think I can be sacked because of it....but am worried about reactions from parents and co workers.

Any opinions?

My partner thinks I'm being ridiculous!


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## MrsMandy

I can completely understand your worry but...they cant sack you for it and its not as if your sleeping around and dont know who the father is (will be) !! Hold your head up high, get on with planning the life you want for you and your family and (if you get any nasty comments or looks) proudly show off your engagement ring and enjoy your pregnancy - you can always vent on here if you need to!! Good luck with it all xxx


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## spicyorange

Check your contact because it could be classed as bringing the school into disrepute, it just depends on how hard line they are I guess. Could you have a registry office wedding now and a party later? It's your choice but it depends on how you would feel if the school made it uncomfortable for you.


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## Pearls18

A few of my teachers got pregnant out of wedlock it was no biggie that I was aware of. I think I would feel uncomfortable being pregnant out of wedlock in a religious school though, but that said I wouldn't aim to be pregnant before marriage (although we were lol). If marriage is important to you I personally wouldn't wait for a big day, but that's just my personal belief, you obviously shouldn't marry from pressure of your job either :flower: if that's what you and your partner are happy with it's your decision, I wouldn't stop my kids bring taught by you :haha:


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## Dark_Star

I also chose to get pregnant while engaged -and recently succeeded.
At 35 I didn't want to wait another year and a half to begin trying. I wasn't sure how long it would take to fall pregnant at my age either, it could have taken a year or more.

You will be fine. Good Luck:flower:


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## LouOscar01

Congratulations Dark Star!!


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## spicyorange

Sorry I should add I think you should totally but be judged for your decision..but I guess not everyone would agree


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## cookette

I think where you work, you should definitely look into if you could be fired for that. With it being a religious institution, I think they can make it their business. My SD attends a private christian academy and they hold their teachers to Christian standards; its why we send her there. Be well informed, good luck in whatever you choose :flower:


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## Symphony7

Yeah I think they may be able to fire you. I went to catholic school and they fired one of my teachers for being pregnant out of wedlock. Just check the laws I. Your area and your contract. If it is a problem, maybe you two could just get married in the court for now and have a ceremony later? I, personally don't believe you need to be married to have children but it's a fine line to walk when you work for a religious institution.


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## HKateH

Is it a state school? If it is I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be able to sack you... Do you wear an engagement ring? If you're worried about judgement then an engagement ring at least shows your committed if not married yet.


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## Pearls18

I'm pretty sure the Equailty Act will prevent them from being able to fire you no matter what type of school. You can't fire someone for being pregnant in the UK, it's sexism.


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## LouOscar01

I think it is different in the UK compared to the USA. I have searched online and can only find accounts of anything happening in America. It is a state school. I am with a union in case there are any issues! 

Yes I will be wearing my engagement ring.


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## cookette

MarineWAG said:


> I'm pretty sure the Equailty Act will prevent them from being able to fire you no matter what type of school. You can't fire someone for being pregnant in the UK, it's sexism.

Not in a private institution in the US if its clearly outlined prior to hire. Ive heard of this being overturned though, but also of it being enforced. :shrug:


Edited: Ooops, sorry! Just saw you are UK!


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## Reidfidleir

Do you live your own life by Christian standards? Not sure about the law there. But if you also claim to be Christian then t would be important to you to be married first.


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## LouOscar01

There is no requirement to be Christian only a requirement to follow the Christian ethos of the school.

They are aware that I hold no religious beliefs.


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## Reidfidleir

Is there a specific outline of what they mean by "Christian ethos"? Or is it "just be a nice person" type thing?


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## LouOscar01

I can't seem to find anything that qualifies what that statement actually means....didn't really want to ask anyone at school. It would make things awkward!


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## callmedan

I work as a t/a in a school which doesn't have a religion but is mostly Muslim children, last year 2 unmarried teachers were pregnant and they were a bit worried about how the Muslim parents would react due to them having such strong beliefs but they were nothing but understanding and supportive! I think nowadays people are very understanding of how people live
Although having said that, I am about 7/8 years younger than them and am a bit worried about how I will be treated due to my age and also not married although I do hope to be engaged before I tell them!


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## Symphony7

MarineWAG said:


> I'm pretty sure the Equailty Act will prevent them from being able to fire you no matter what type of school. You can't fire someone for being pregnant in the UK, it's sexism.

Ah, gotcha. Didn't know the laws over there. I mean, technically it's illegal over here too...but religious institutions have a lot of legal loopholes. If it was in the hiring contract they may have a right to fire for getting pregnant out of wedlock, but under the equal opportunity employment act you can't discriminate against a woman for being pregnant. It's a weird line to walk.


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## LouOscar01

callmedan said:


> I work as a t/a in a school which doesn't have a religion but is mostly Muslim children, last year 2 unmarried teachers were pregnant and they were a bit worried about how the Muslim parents would react due to them having such strong beliefs but they were nothing but understanding and supportive! I think nowadays people are very understanding of how people live
> Although having said that, I am about 7/8 years younger than them and am a bit worried about how I will be treated due to my age and also not married although I do hope to be engaged before I tell them!


Yeah, I worry about the age thing too! I'm 24...and currently an NQT. :dohh:


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## Girly922

Being in the UK there is so much protection for pregnant women in employment law I really wouldn't worry too much about that side of it. As for the fact that you are not married yet, you are in a committed relationship with the intention to marry. 

If your birth control was to fail and you fell pregnant that way, there'd be nothing they could do or say. I'd put more emphasis on the fact that you and your OH are fully committed to one another rather than whether you are married or not.


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## SarahBear

(only read first post)

Well, you can either take your chances, or you can spend less money on your wedding. If you can afford a baby, you can afford a marriage license. If you can afford a marriage license, you can afford to get married.


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## loeylo

I worry about this too. I am just finishing my first year in teaching and don't have a permanent job yet. Realistically, I could take years for me to be made permanent although it could be much quicker. I am currently applying for a mix of schools, some of such are state run non denominational schools (although they are technically still Christian) and some catholic schools, with a private special school working with severe behavioural problems! 
For the state non denominational schools it shouldn't be too much of a problem, although it is still pretty unheard of. In the catholic schools it is quite a worry.
I am really scared about being pregnant in the behavioural unit though. 
Also, I am 25 but I look maybe 18 at the most. Too young to be a teacher but in corridors of new schools I have been mistaken for a pupil :s


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## Eleanor ace

They can't fire you but depending on the school (and the students, their prents, the governers etc) they could make it pretty uncomfortable working there, and you could find yourself not having your contract renewed since you're an NQT. But I'm sure you'll know yourself whether it is generally a supportive environment and how they have handled previous situations which are sometimes frowned on by Christian institutions- teachers living with their partners before they're married for example. 
I was teaching on a supply contract at a Christian school and it was going well, they had a new teaching position coming up and I'd applied, I was attending meetings and they talked about "my" class, it was pretty much a done deal. Then I told them I was pregnant and a week later I was told that the role wasn't going to be available, and then that they didn't need me for supply anymore- they didn't even let me know in person, my head of department waved me off and said see you next week, and then I get a call 30 minutes later from my agency saying they didn't need me anymore. Ouch. However another school (also Christian) that I was supplying at were lovely when they found out I was pregnant, really supportive and totally unfazed by me not being married. Although there were a few teachers who didn't acknowledge my pregnancy until I was married (at 7 months pregnant), but they weren't horrible or anything.


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## LouOscar01

My contract is permanent so I don't need to worry too much about that. If they do make it horrible then I will go back for a bit after mat leave and then look for a position elsewhere.


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## LouOscar01

loeylo said:


> I worry about this too. I am just finishing my first year in teaching and don't have a permanent job yet. Realistically, I could take years for me to be made permanent although it could be much quicker. I am currently applying for a mix of schools, some of such are state run non denominational schools (although they are technically still Christian) and some catholic schools, with a private special school working with severe behavioural problems!
> For the state non denominational schools it shouldn't be too much of a problem, although it is still pretty unheard of. In the catholic schools it is quite a worry.
> I am really scared about being pregnant in the behavioural unit though.
> Also, I am 25 but I look maybe 18 at the most. Too young to be a teacher but in corridors of new schools I have been mistaken for a pupil :s


I look really young, but working in primary this is less of a problem  

The class I am having next year has a violent pupil in it so I am anxious about the potential consequences of this.


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## WhiteKhocol8

LouOscar will you have an aide in with the violent student? We have one in our school and there is no way a pregnant teacher could safely (for the student, the teacher and her unborn baby) deal with many of the confrontations they experience without assistance.

And yes I know what you mean about looking young as a teacher! We are lucky over here that students wear uniform so you can tell who's in authority by the plain clothes!


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## LouOscar01

Ours wear uniform too, and luckily im in year 2 so they are only 6 and 7 so I am taller than them  

Will have someone to work with the student hopefully but it's still not foolproof.


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## MikaylasMummy

In our dioscess I know they don't hire teachers if they are even living with a man unmarried!but I'm not sure what would happen if they were already an employee and got pregnant.im in Australia


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## aknqtpie

I am not sure how the marriage license thing works in the UK. But I know at least over here you can go get a marriage license and have a friend get ordained through the court to perform a legal ceremony. It was fairly inexpensive. If you guys are planning on getting married eventually, there is no reason why you couldn't do this to CYA.. and then have a bigger ceremony later. My late-DH and I got legally married and then had our actual wedding 7 months later. 

Just an idea.


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## Teri7489

I don't think you have anything to worry about. I went to a Catholic school and a few of my teachers who weren't married had babies. No one said a word about it. It's not as if you are sleeping around, discussing it in school then getting pregnant. Life has changed from all those 'rules' years ago. Xxx


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## cherrylips100

I really don't think you should have to worry about losing your job. Employment laws in the UK are not dictated by religion and I believe they could be held to account if they were to be judgmental, regardless of the schools ethos. 
You are in a committed relationship, if you want a baby then go for it. Love and a happy home is all a child needs, marriage is just an extra option but that's a story for another thread!


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## bellaxgee

have you thought about having a small civil ceremony to just be married and maybe later having a big wedding?


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