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## surprisebaby

x


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## sweetlullaby

Not sure on that one hun but :hugs: what a complete prick!!


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## billy2mm

im sure if they cant get him on the phone they send a letter recorded and once he signs it its like he has had the call and if he doesnt do as they ask then they take him to court.


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## imace

Oh hun. Big hugs. :hugs:

My FOB quit his job and now works cash in hand to bloody avoid csa! But I've told him he cannot see Lily until he sorts it out.

In my eyes, parental responsability also includes financial aspects and if he refuses to pay and be a child about it by running from his duties then sod him. Lily needs a parent, and he's proven he is anything but.

As far as avoiding calls, they will send a letter and if he ignores that as well they will contact HM revenue and go straight through his work and wages and he will have no say in the matter.

Hope everything works out for you hun. x


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## whoops

Can I gatecrash the thread quickly? What happens if you don't have the FOB's address? I have his phone number, his date of birth, I know where he works and I know the Uni he went to. Will that be enough to locate him if he's being difficult about paying?


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## bloodbinds

My FOB has been doing this from day 1! But 7 months down the line they finally got him. Not from any help from him but by getting his work details and taking payments directly from his pay cheque! And it only took that only because he changed jobs half way through and it takes about 3 months for his work details to register. So they usually give the FOBs up to 12 weeks to do it themselves and if they dont they go through the employer and find out his details themselves x


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## bloodbinds

whoops said:


> Can I gatecrash the thread quickly? What happens if you don't have the FOB's address? I have his phone number, his date of birth, I know where he works and I know the Uni he went to. Will that be enough to locate him if he's being difficult about paying?

Yes hun, they have ways of finding things like that out x


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## Ju_bubbs

Sorry I dont have a 'good' outcome! I contacted csa 6 years ago when my youngest was born, they called me back about a month later and said they finally got in touch with FOB, but he was denying beign the father, so I told them taht he'd put his name on the birth certificate, so he must have thought he was then! They said they would get back in touch with him and if I'm happy wth it, tell him that he'll have to pay for a dna test.

So 6 months later, still heard nothing back, so I called them.. asked what was happeneding with my claim, they said they couldn't find any information, and would pass me to another department, after being on hold for an hour, someone answered, said they also couldn't find any information, and said they would have to pass me onto head office. Another hour on hold, and head office appear on the line, saying that all they can see is that my application was closed, but couldn't find the reason for this! I dont know about now, but back then they weren't allowed to close an applicatio without informing you of the reason, in writing, which they didn't do. So this head office lady said she's have a search for the reason, put me on hold for half an hour, then came back saying she would have to go to an even higher department to find a reason for it being closed, and that she would call me back in half an hour.

I'm STILL waiting for her to call me back, 6 years later. I spent the next year calling them up every now and again, asking why no one had called me back.. but just kept going through the same thing, getting passed up to higher and higher departments, put on hold, and saying again, someone will call me back. In the end I gave up, and didn't know who/where could go to with help dealing with them!

Basically I think FOB refused to pay for a dna test, and they just couldn't be bothered to push the matter. I hope things with csa have changed now, coz im about to go through it all over again :(

I hope you finally have more luck than I did!


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## surprisebaby

x


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## purpledahlia

My FOB has now working cash in hand to avoid paying, hes not denyed her but just told them ehs unemployed, they checked if he signed on and he hadnt, hes also now on holiday, they said themselves a single man claiming to be unemployed but has a flat etc, must be getting cash. im furious tho i had to ask my mum to take me to do a big food shop on sunday, and hes swanning off to spain??


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## scottishgal89

surprisebaby said:


> my fob is trying to avoid the call from the csa! so angry about it:growlmad:. they have his work number and now parent's house number. but everytime the csa call they say he's not available just now and to call back at a different time. and when they do he's still not available
> 
> i thought he had had the call but now realised he has avoided it any call from csa. argghhh!!!
> 
> now i am so worried he will get away with not having to take on financial responsibilty by continuing to avoid the csa and that just makes me so angry:growlmad:. he shouldn't get away with it!
> 
> has anyone got any advice or similar experiences hopefully positive ones.
> 
> sorry bit of a rant! hate fob today!

as far as im aware. he can avoid them all he wants. they try and phone him, write to him, etc. but if they know where he works they can go there and start taking the money anyway im sure.
:hugs:


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## Kate&Lucas

I was worried about this because I wasn't sure where Lucas's dad is living, but I spoke to my auntie who went through the same thing a couple of years ago and she said the CSA just went straight through FOB's work and started a deduction from earnings order when he tried avoiding them. As far as I'm aware it just takes a little longer.

Hope you sort it


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## surprisebaby

x


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## scottishgal89

he doesnt need to be on bc babe,
they'll ask him if hes the dad. if he says no they will do a dna test which if shows he is the dad then he will then need to pay for.
then maintenance will start and he'll be hundreds out of pocket for test too.
i hope he doesnt pull something stupid.
guys leave their job and get cash in hand and everything just to avoid paying for their child


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## Ju_bubbs

And, if he refuses to take a dna test.. they'll just 'assume' he is the father and make him pay anyway :D


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## scottishgal89

yup. its a win win situation for you :thumbup:


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## Kate&Lucas

Oh that's brilliant, should get the ball rolling now :D


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## surprisebaby

x


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## surprisebaby

x


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## sweetlullaby

:hugs: Thats brilliant hopefully everything will go smoothly from now on!


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## AppleBlossom

It makes me SO mad that men will do anything they can to avoid paying for their own child!!! It's disgusting. FOB does give me some money, not through CSA though. I'm grateful for that however he is actually on £6,000 a year more than he was when he first started paying me yet is denying it even though before he left he told me himself that his wages went up after his 1 year training (this being almost 2 years ago now that he started!) and I don't have his home or work address, nor would he let me have either if he thought I was going to CSA to make he pay what he should be.


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## billy2mm

bexy_22 said:


> It makes me SO mad that men will do anything they can to avoid paying for their own child!!! It's disgusting. FOB does give me some money, not through CSA though. I'm grateful for that however he is actually on £6,000 a year more than he was when he first started paying me yet is denying it even though before he left he told me himself that his wages went up after his 1 year training (this being almost 2 years ago now that he started!) and I don't have his home or work address, nor would he let me have either if he thought I was going to CSA to make he pay what he should be.

you dont need addresses hun.

if you have his name, dob, and a phone number then they can call him up and get the rest of the details.

if not then im sure they are linked with the hm revenue and customs and can trace tax and ni and get his info that way.

i will take a while but its worth it.

i just spoke to csa yesterday coz my ex got a pay rise on 1st april and i knew he wouldnt tell them so i rang them up in march and informed them about it and they are still waiting for him to reply to their letter and send off his payslips. they faxed his work last wednesday and they have till today to respond or they will be in trouble too!!

because i told them in march then the rise in cm will go back to april so he is just building up the arrears!! :happydance:


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## Ju_bubbs

when I contacted them about my youngest, all I had was FOB name, and old mobile number, DOB, and told them that he lived in High Wycombe, somewhere! They managed to find him from that!


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## scottishgal89

bexy i would defo be going to csa if i was you.
they'll find him :thumbup:


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## AppleBlossom

I might do. Only thing is, if I ask him for more money he's going to push me for more contact isn't he? Sorry for gatecrashing btw lol I'll start my own thread


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## scottishgal89

what contact does he get just now?
at the end of the day grace is in a routine. it would surely disrupt that if he wanted more?
and also- they have to pay for their child no matter how often they see him.
you need that money to buy essentials for her so i dont think he should complain about that really


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## Ju_bubbs

bexy_22 said:


> I might do. Only thing is, if I ask him for more money he's going to push me for more contact isn't he? Sorry for gatecrashing btw lol I'll start my own thread

CSA payments dont entitle fathers (or mothers in some cases) to access at all, so he wouldn't get away with more access if you weren't happy with it just coz he's paying more. x


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## purpledahlia

Bex I'd ring CSA hun, He cant get more access without asking in a court i dont think,x


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## whoops

surprisebaby said:


> whoops said:
> 
> 
> Can I gatecrash the thread quickly? What happens if you don't have the FOB's address? I have his phone number, his date of birth, I know where he works and I know the Uni he went to. Will that be enough to locate him if he's being difficult about paying?
> 
> not sure, but probably they could get national insurance number from date of birth or ask him directly. they do have means of tracing people. have you been in touch with the csa yet?Click to expand...

Just saw this now - sorry for the delay in replying! 

It's more just to know than anything else at the moment, in case FOB becomes unreasonable. At the moment, he says he can't have anything to do with us, but he's not being horrible about it - in fact he keeps apologising for the situation. 

Personally, I'd be happy enough not to receive financial support from him, but I'm aware for some allowances, you're required to show how much maintenance you get or prove that you've attempted to get it. And if I have to choose between pursuing him and potentially depriving my child of benefits we're entitled to, then he loses.

It won't really be an issue for months yet though. And I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that he'll come around. As naive as that may be.


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## purpledahlia

whoops said:


> surprisebaby said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> whoops said:
> 
> 
> Can I gatecrash the thread quickly? What happens if you don't have the FOB's address? I have his phone number, his date of birth, I know where he works and I know the Uni he went to. Will that be enough to locate him if he's being difficult about paying?
> 
> not sure, but probably they could get national insurance number from date of birth or ask him directly. they do have means of tracing people. have you been in touch with the csa yet?Click to expand...
> 
> Just saw this now - sorry for the delay in replying!
> 
> It's more just to know than anything else at the moment, in case FOB becomes unreasonable. At the moment, he says he can't have anything to do with us, but he's not being horrible about it - in fact he keeps apologising for the situation.
> 
> Personally, I'd be happy enough not to receive financial support from him, but *I'm aware for some allowances, you're required to show how much maintenance you get or prove that you've attempted to get it.* And if I have to choose between pursuing him and potentially depriving my child of benefits we're entitled to, then he loses.
> 
> It won't really be an issue for months yet though. And I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that he'll come around. As naive as that may be.Click to expand...

What do you mean here? Ive not had to show anyone anything and none of my benefits have stopped?


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## whoops

purpledahlia said:


> What do you mean here? Ive not had to show anyone anything and none of my benefits have stopped?

I'm going to be back in Ireland.


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## purpledahlia

oright, is there different rules?


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## whoops

purpledahlia said:


> oright, is there different rules?

I'm not too sure, tbh. I thought it was the same everywhere...


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## Welshcob

Ju_bubbs said:


> Sorry I dont have a 'good' outcome! I contacted csa 6 years ago when my youngest was born, they called me back about a month later and said they finally got in touch with FOB, but he was denying beign the father, so I told them taht he'd put his name on the birth certificate, so he must have thought he was then! They said they would get back in touch with him and if I'm happy wth it, tell him that he'll have to pay for a dna test.
> 
> So 6 months later, still heard nothing back, so I called them.. asked what was happeneding with my claim, they said they couldn't find any information, and would pass me to another department, after being on hold for an hour, someone answered, said they also couldn't find any information, and said they would have to pass me onto head office. Another hour on hold, and head office appear on the line, saying that all they can see is that my application was closed, but couldn't find the reason for this! I dont know about now, but back then they weren't allowed to close an applicatio without informing you of the reason, in writing, which they didn't do. So this head office lady said she's have a search for the reason, put me on hold for half an hour, then came back saying she would have to go to an even higher department to find a reason for it being closed, and that she would call me back in half an hour.
> 
> I'm STILL waiting for her to call me back, 6 years later. I spent the next year calling them up every now and again, asking why no one had called me back.. but just kept going through the same thing, getting passed up to higher and higher departments, put on hold, and saying again, someone will call me back. In the end I gave up, and didn't know who/where could go to with help dealing with them!
> 
> Basically I think FOB refused to pay for a dna test, and they just couldn't be bothered to push the matter. I hope things with csa have changed now, coz im about to go through it all over again :(
> 
> I hope you finally have more luck than I did!

what an awful story!!!!!! that is dreadful!!!


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