# my sons is waiting to be assessed for aspergers syndrome



## nikki2512

hi all i have 2 sons 8 and 6 years old,we are at the moment waiting for an appointment for my eldest son to be assessed for aspergers syndrome,with the asp team,and was just wondering if anyone on here can give me any advice on what can i expect when i go there :thumbup:he is really not coping very well at school at the moment :cry:this is mainly what i am concerned about i had a meeting tonight with his teacher at school who is also the senco teacher and she said there isn't really much they can do more to help him in school until he has been assesed properly,how many meetings have any of you had to have before your child gets any more support in school,we can cope with him at home easy enough i am used to him and how to handle him when he gets upset/wound up about anything it is school he is really struggling with the most,he has already been to see a child physcoligist at CAHMS and it is those who have said that they think he has aspergers(which i already thought myself anyway) and now referred him to the asd team also his teacher agrees that she thinks he has,it just seems like we are waiting ages for appointment after appointment and it is taking forever to get him statemented so he can get the help he needs any advice would be great:flower:


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## sun

I don't have any advice about this, but I'm sure other mums will be on to help. Wanted to offer lots of hugs though :hugs: It is hard having to wait for assessments. I hope he can get in soon xx


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## ClairHawkins

Its a long frustrating process but you are doing well to get in so early my son was 11 before he got to the top of the waiting list. I don't know where you live but in the uk some area have a child advocate who could help with letters negotiating with schools etc, Good luck you sound like a really capeable mum your son is lucky to have you :hugs:

Where I live we had 3 1.5 hour appts and went through loads and loads of questions there are three main areas and if he scores highly on these that will confirm a diagnoses.


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## nikki2512

thankyou to you both,there are some lovely ladies on here,just feel really bad and frustated at the moment like i should be pushing more to get things moving quicker for him,but don't know what else to do apart from feeling like i am a nagging/overreating mum all the time,and it is lovely to hear from someone that i am doing a good job,and they can understand how i am feeling thankyou :flower:


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## Tegans Mama

:hugs: I hope the process goes as smoothly as possible for you and that you can access the help you need soon


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## Menelly

Do you mind me asking, what is your son struggling with in school at the moment? Maybe those of us with experience with autism/aspie can give you suggestions/accomidations that might be able to be made before going thru the whole process? (I mean, still go thru the process... but if something super simple like "earplugs" could help, then why not address it now?)

What's he struggling with? What have you tried thus far to make it easier for him? Does he have a sympathetic teacher that might let you try out some helps before you have a diagnosis?


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## nikki2512

Menelly said:


> Do you mind me asking, what is your son struggling with in school at the moment? Maybe those of us with experience with autism/aspie can give you suggestions/accomidations that might be able to be made before going thru the whole process? (I mean, still go thru the process... but if something super simple like "earplugs" could help, then why not address it now?)
> 
> What's he struggling with? What have you tried thus far to make it easier for him? Does he have a sympathetic teacher that might let you try out some helps before you have a diagnosis?

hi menelly,the main thing he is struggling with is making friends,he does play with the odd child sometimes but to be honset he doesn't really have anything in common with any other boys in his class (alls he loves is transformers)and he says that the others always just play football which he just isn't interested in atall and then they can turn against him very easily and his teacher thinks some of the other kids are also wary of playing with him too as he gets upset with them very easily like for instance,if another boy is playing a bit rough with him or jokes about something with him he takes it really to heart and then tells the teacher/headmistress they was picking on him(suppose kids find it harder to understand him),also he does struggle with his work and needs a teacher more or less sitting with him in class as he wants lots of reassurance and finds it hard to take more than 1 instruction in at once(which even with atleast 1 teacher assistant and teacher in the class at all times they cannot always do as to be fair they do have nearly 30 more children too) and he also can not write very good,and at the moment he is just so unhappy at school mainly because he says he has no friends he just really has no enthusiam in his work and his grades have actually gone lower rather than higher,he also does get upset if they are doing anything loud,so as you said about earplugs think i will suggest to his teacher if he can take some earplugs to school with him that he can use if they are doing anything noisy that he doesn't like,his headmistress and teacher are understanding luckily his teacher that he has this year is the SENCO teacher for the school too and she also has a teenage son herself who is aspie,however there is one teacher assistant who is in his class to help with a disabled girl in his class has upset him a few times and isn't always so understanding with him and told him stop being silly a few times and upset him,sometimes when he comes out upset or doesn't want to go i just wish that i didn't have to make him go i just constantly worry about him all day:cry:


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## Menelly

Poor kiddo! :(

OK, I sympathize greatly with the inability to make friends. Most kids in my grade were just making fun of me, rather than really wanting to be my friend. I spent most of my recesses in the library, or down helping in the special needs class. I had to get away from my own classmates. Is there any chance he could go somewhere else? Could the teacher let him bring some transformers to school that he could take outside during recess only? Or maybe a transformers coloring book? Reading book? Something familiar that he'll enjoy and can do alone? (You can't make the other kids stop being jerks, it doesn't work. But you can make it more comfortable to be alone.)

What works for my son on directions is taking the time to spell out what the directions are, and having him write them down as they're being spoken. Especially for visual learners, being able to refer to a written page of directions can make life much easier. (Which is also part of why schedules can be very useful for spectrum people. You can easily see what's coming next.)

I'm 32, and still struggle to follow multi step directions without assistance. Things like "clean the house" mean literally nothing to me. My husband has to break everything down into constituent parts ("put the clothes in the dirty hamper and then put trash in the trash can") or I get overwhelmed and shut down. Which is likely what's happening to him... the instructions get all garbled in the head and you can't remember what you were supposed to do next, so you shut down and do nothing instead.

So if the teacher can stop and say "first, we're going to do math, and you need to do page 35-37" (wait for him to write down "Math - page 35-37"), "then we're going to do English and we're going to read a poem" ("English - poem") etc... it might make life easier for him. He may need it broken down even more than that, but find out if she can take the few minutes with him to break it down. It makes all the difference in the world.

Like I said "clean the house" will have me sitting on the floor in the middle of the kitchen in tears with absolutely nothing done because I got overwhelmed and had no clue what to do. "Clean the counters and make sure all the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher" makes sense, and its something I can get done. 

As for not writing well: laptop? Most autistics can type a lot better than they write. Any chance you can send a laptop to school? (That may have to wait till you have a diagnosis, but it's something to keep in mind.)

Earplugs save my life. Seriously. I can't stand loud noise, and absolutely cannot concentrate on... well... ANYTHING if it gets too noisy or too bright. And things that people think are inaudible are totally easy to hear. Flourescent lights are the biggy for me. Those things make such a loud, obnoxious, annoying, brain searing buzz/ring. 

If you want him to have earplugs that are not so obvious (so he doesn't have yet another thing to be picked on for) you can look into musician's earplugs. They aren't cheap, but they're molded to the ear, have multiple decibel levels so you can change out how much you want to filter, and can be made clear so they are much harder to see. (Only downside? They look more like hearing aids than earplugs... so I've had people shout at me wearing mine, thinking I'm deaf. It totally negates the purpose of wearing earplugs if people then shout at you.) But they're really comfy and very useful. And again, can be worn without feeling like more of a freak.

Good luck to him! I hope you get your appointment soon!


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## nikki2512

thanks so much for the tips/advice will definetly be talking to my ds's teacher when he goes back to school after the easter holidays about him maybe taking some of his transformers or transformer books to school and letting him stay in the library for atleast some of his breaks if he feels like he needs too,and taking earplugs too(and will definetly look up musicians earplugs),it is so helpful to have someone who really does understand how my ds feels to talk too,thankyou again:hugs::thumbup:


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## Midnight_Fairy

Hmm first of all there IS stuff they can do without a diagnosis, its just the senco trying to get out of spending schools money! There IS lots of stuff that can help depending on the main issues he is having. I am sorry but dont believe everything the schools say at all! I would let them know your son WILL be getting help and they can support you or it will be harder for them!

My son has social problems too so he has a buddy chart. Every day he has a new buddy and they will go to lunchclub (a room with teacher in for other children with social probs) or they can play outside together. My son normally choses lunchclub with his buddy. 

He also has an ELSA (emotional learning support assistant) who can help with feelings, friends etc and she is a HUGE help! xx


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## Menelly

Yeah, I'm in the US, so I don't know what your laws for access in the schools are, so I'll leave that to the people who know. :)

Glad to hear you may have some options that way too!


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## nikki2512

Midnight_Fairy said:


> Hmm first of all there IS stuff they can do without a diagnosis, its just the senco trying to get out of spending schools money! There IS lots of stuff that can help depending on the main issues he is having. I am sorry but dont believe everything the schools say at all! I would let them know your son WILL be getting help and they can support you or it will be harder for them!
> 
> My son has social problems too so he has a buddy chart. Every day he has a new buddy and they will go to lunchclub (a room with teacher in for other children with social probs) or they can play outside together. My son normally choses lunchclub with his buddy.
> 
> He also has an ELSA (emotional learning support assistant) who can help with feelings, friends etc and she is a HUGE help! xx

hi midnight fairy with you being in the uk,was wondering have you been to any of the triple p meetings,if so what happened at them,me and my oh have been asked if we would like to go to those too and told they do you like to go to them if your child is going to be assesed,we are currently waiting for a letter giving us the dates of when they will be:)


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