# Stigma with being a teenage mum.



## Haydens_mummy

Hey guys, i'm pretty new to this forum and have no idea how it works really so bare with me :) Since becoming a mum at the age of 19 I feel like a stigma of what people perceive what a teenage mum is. I've noticed that people who work full time seem to think I sit on my arse all day and do nothing but look after my son and that I live in a council house and claim every single benefit going (I'm not judging anyone by the way) but I actually don't claim any benefit what so ever, I only receive the standard child benefit which everyone is entitled to & child tax credits which we only receive due to my partner working. It does annoy me that the majority of people seem to think that every single teenage mum is on benefits and gets everything for nothing, does anyone else have this problem?


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## fizzypop

I know it's hard but ignore them, they are ignorant. My best friend was 19 when she had her little boy (he's now 7!!), she had all that.. People judging, particularly health professionals (doctors, midwives), but she is an amazing mum. She has done so well for herself (she's on her own too), she lives in a lovely house with her son, has a fantstic job and I am so proud of her.. But she still now gets people assume she's a 'scrounger'. Its not right.. In fact out of the two of us (I'm 30, own my own home and married - all perfect on paper!) I am the one who will end up on benefits and in a council house.

You hold your head up high and stick 2 fingers up at judgemental idiots. Xx


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## lynne192

i'm in my 20's but look about 15 and get that alllllll the time lol sadly hun people take pleasure in judging others.


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## Haydens_mummy

Honestly the looks I get and the comments on facebook from 'friends' its beyond a joke I constantly feel like I am always justifying myself to people x


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## lynne192

sadly that will never change to matter what age you are its just because you are young your an easy target. i'm in my 20's and going through fertility treatment just now to get pregnant and the nurses and other people at the fertility clinic give me hell alot of the time because they don't know my real age and they think i am some silly little girl its nightmare bloody more educated than half of them lol


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## lizardbreath

I get it all the time I had Jaymee when I was 19 I'm now 21 and have two but I look 16. And when I went back to work after having Jaymee I had these two high school girls who just started working there say behind my back but loud enough I could hear them. She's like 16 and has a kid what an idiot her life is over she's probably a welfare slut. To which I loudly replyed firstly I'm 19 second I've been with the same guy for 3 years and we have a house and brand new car which we paid for wothout help from anyone and thirdly don't judge me for having my daughter young because I'm a better mom then some peopl
e double my age. I still get dirty looks in the mall having two kids and being so young but I don't care I'm a good mom and they don't know anything about me or my sitchuation


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## xforuiholdonx

I get this alot from women in their thirtys, and rude comments and such. One man actually told me whilst I was pregnant and at work that I needed to get myself back in school and do right by my kid... I was like excuse me sir but Ive already graduated highschool with a regents diploma, live on my own, and am engaged...' he didnt really know what to say. Just ignore them hun, not worth your time.


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## lb

xforuiholdonx said:


> I get this alot from women in their thirtys, and rude comments and such. One man actually told me whilst I was pregnant and at work that I needed to get myself back in school and do right by my kid... I was like excuse me sir but Ive already graduated highschool with a regents diploma, live on my own, and am engaged...' he didnt really know what to say. Just ignore them hun, not worth your time.

Something similar happened at the grocery store the other day with me as well. The lady checking out my groceries asked why I wasn't in school at the time, while she was eying my LO (that she already felt dumb for calling a boy even though she was wearing pink!). "Um... because I graduated 2 and a half years ago?" :coffee:

It gets easier and easier to deal with the rude people as time goes on. Honestly, it happens so much now (I was told just yesterday that I still look like I'm 15) that I don't even bat an eyelash when someone presumes something about me.


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## x__amour

I wish we could escape this "classification" but I don't see it happening anytime soon. It doesn't help that I look MUCH younger for my age.

I was at the courthouse the other day helping my mom and her translator (she's Korean) came up to us and said, "You're too young for a child." Are you fucking kidding me? I go, "No, not really." and she said, "Well. How old are you." and I said, "Almost 20." She then saw my wedding rings and was like, "OOHH. Well she's ADORABLE!" Total attitude change. Bitch.

:dohh:


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## aidensxmomma

Unfortunately, in most cases the stigma comes with the territory of being a young mom. 

I've lived in the same little town damn near my whole life and there is still people who somehow seem to get horrible impressions of me. My mom was working one day and and old lady (who knows me) was bitching at my mom about how I should come and take care of my kids. She assumed that my mom was raising my kids and I was somewhere else. How she figured that is beyond me because she's seen me around town with my kids on more than one occasion. :dohh: Then someone else was talking to my mom and was just shocked that all my kids have the same dad. What the fuck? Everyone in the whole town knows my OH and I have been together for quite a few years...and everyone knows that Aiden is 3, so yeah. I don't know where people get these ideas.

Really, I'm used to ignorant people by now, so I don't really let it get to me, but it does get frustrating sometimes.


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## annawrigley

No offence but you are only not claiming benefits because your partner is working... If you were to become single you would be claiming every benefit going. :shrug: I know it's annoying when people stereotype but you have kind of just done the same by saying 'oh people think i'm on benefits, but no i'm better than that cos OH works'.. That's your OH not you, so I don't think you should use it to determine your self worth cos without him you would be no better than any of us who ARE on every benefit going :thumbup:


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## Strawberrymum

some people are so stupid when i was pregnant i saw a 'friend' and he was like 'heard you were having a kid, the government pay good money for those' im like what an idiot i didnt get pregnant on purpose and definetly not to be 'paid' lol. i dont claim benefits put i scronge of my parents! im sure many people would have alot to say about that. people judge you no matter what cercumstance you are in. you get sterotyped for everything! on benefits, SAHM, fed your baby non organic, put your baby to bed at 10 instead of 7 whatever you do you get stereotyped so you should just do whats best for you and your baby and not listen to anyone else


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## lauram_92

annawrigley said:


> No offence but you are only not claiming benefits because your partner is working... If you were to become single you would be claiming every benefit going. :shrug: I know it's annoying when people stereotype but you have kind of just done the same by saying 'oh people think i'm on benefits, but no i'm better than that cos OH works'.. That's your OH not you, so I don't think you should use it to determine your self worth cos without him you would be no better than any of us who ARE on every benefit going :thumbup:

Yeah I agree with Anna. These threads make me feel crap because I do claim every benefit, I do still live at home with my parents and I don't even speak to FOB.


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## rileybaby

lauram_92 said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> No offence but you are only not claiming benefits because your partner is working... If you were to become single you would be claiming every benefit going. :shrug: I know it's annoying when people stereotype but you have kind of just done the same by saying 'oh people think i'm on benefits, but no i'm better than that cos OH works'.. That's your OH not you, so I don't think you should use it to determine your self worth cos without him you would be no better than any of us who ARE on every benefit going :thumbup:
> 
> Yeah I agree with Anna. These threads make me feel crap because I do claim every benefit, I do still live at home with my parents and I don't even speak to FOB.Click to expand...

yeah sorry i agree with Anna too. I suppose i being bias because i do claim benefits but, i only claimed child benefit whilst OH was working because his wages covered what we needed, but when he lost it which wasnt his fault i had to claim. Im not ashamed, benefits are there for people who need it, and if it helps feed and clothe my son whilst im at college and will eventually get a job then so be it, we are obviously in a different situation to you :-S sorry for the essay, but like anna said, when your circumstances are beyond your control its all you can do x


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## lauram_92

That was really well put Jessica! Until you are in our situation you'll never really know. I'm not going to refuse benefits because of my 'pride'. Without them I would have nothing.


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## 10.11.12

I have to claim benefits, at least until child support is decided upon (and FOB actually pays it) it's not something I'm proud of but I know it's necessary to keep us going.


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## mayb_baby

But you like me are claiming everything going that's available to you in your position, my OH works but we still claim benefits as we are a low income family. I don't think you'r no offence in your first post works, as I said you are claiming the benefits available to you in your situation. Others will get more as they won't have as high of an income therefore they are entitled to it.


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## MillyBert

Did anyone watch this morning on ITV friday? Once again us young mums was shown in a bad light for once i think the media should show the younger mums that do a good job rather than getting half brained morons that not just show themselves up but also us other young mums. xx


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## Tanara

_I think everyone should just do whats best for them their kids and their familys and stop worrying so much about what other people think of them and what they do. No offence.. _


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## Haydens_mummy

I never said I was better than anyone else, I used I get judged all the time as people assume I am on benefits for being a young Mum. I said no offence because everyone is different so I am not offending anyone.


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## mayb_baby

But you are on benefits :shrug:


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## annawrigley

Saying no offence doesn't mean you aren't offending anyone :haha: I'm just kinda sick of people thinking they are somehow better (I know you didn't SAY it but that's how it came across, like people judge you and think you must be on benefits, but you're not, therefore you must be better in someway, otherwise you wouldn't be bothered by the judgement right?) just because they have an OH who works. Good for him for working, but he's a different person to you and without him you'd be on benefits too. If it was you working it would be a different story.


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## rileybaby

mayb_baby said:


> But you are on benefits :shrug:

i thought the same lol i get the exact same benefits, + lone parents income support :shrug:


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## annawrigley

I think when people say 'benefits' they must mean Income Support... Cos that's the only difference :shrug:


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## cammy

everyone always assumes Im living with my parents and my OH with his. But we don't and havent for a while. We rent our own place. Sure I am a SAHM but I am also a part time uni student. And yes I do claim evry benefit I can, but thats for the benefit for my family. OH works hard to support us and at the same time he loves his job. It really ticks me off when people assume my mum looks after my baby with me, she doesnt. I am his mummy and I do my job as a mum, I dont push my child off to other people.


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## xCookieDough

*All you have to do is just ignore people, honestly the only person that I wouldcare about what they thought of me was my daughter, no one else, as long as I'm doing my best for my daughter I don't care what people think, you've got to be stronger then that, they don't even know your situation they can merely guess.
---xo*


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## rockys-mumma

I used to feel like I was judged alllll the time when LO was little, to the point of anxiety and depression, I felt like everyone was staring at me ect, now I've graduated uni and got a job now people judge me for going to earn my money and leaving LO with my mum and at nursery. Damned if we do damned if we don't!!


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## wishuwerehere

As long as you know you're doing right by your child, then you can hold your head up and ignore them. Whether or not you claim benefits or any sort of government support (I somehow escape a lot of the benefit related stigma because my money comes from student funding - it all amounts to money from the government lol) as long as you're spending it on making you and your child's life happy, healthy and fun, then who really gives a shit! 
Seriously, maybe it's because I haven't encountered a lot of prejudice personally but I think at least some of it is probably people over analysing a situation anyway - sometimes people aren't staring at you and thinking you're scum, they're staring at your gorgeous baby and thinking how cute they are :shrug:


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## mayb_baby

I see no difference In IS and an OH working I mean you are still depending on someone other than yourself


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## rileybaby

cammy said:


> everyone always assumes Im living with my parents and my OH with his. But we don't and havent for a while. We rent our own place. Sure I am a SAHM but I am also a part time uni student. And yes I do claim evry benefit I can, but thats for the benefit for my family. OH works hard to support us and at the same time he loves his job. It really ticks me off when people assume my mum looks after my baby with me, she doesnt. I am his mummy and I do my job as a mum, I dont push my child off to other people.

but living with parents isnt a bad thhing to be judged on :wacko: i live with my parents, but i do everything for riley and my mum doesnt even change his nappy! I do mine and rileys cooking.. washing..take care of him.. i just live under thier roof and nothing more :flower: oh and yeah i dont have to pay bills and rent, i have that to come but as far as caring for riley, its just me


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## lauram_92

I don't see why people think that when others assume they live at home/are on benefits etc it is a bad thing :shrug: I mean a lot of teen parents live at home, because it is all they can afford. The majority of us didn't plan a baby so we had no money saved up or anything. We are all trying our best and most of us would probably change our situation if we could.

I wouldn't mind living with someone who goes out and works to pay the bills.


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## bbyno1

I get judged all the time. Especially now that my bump is starting to form. I do look about 17 not 23 lol. I took Aliyah to an indoor play area 2 days back. Its for up to 5 year olds. Anyway two 5 year olds come over to me and say 'whats your little sisters name?' i was like erm 'Aliyah'. Didn't really know how to say 'shes my daughter' to them:shrug:

Anyway. I don't think none of us could do any better than what we do.
Wether we claim benefits,go uni,work,be a SAHM,so be it. We are all great mums at the end of the day.. We provide our kids with what they need,by whatever way we do get our money. Claiming benefits doesn't mean we are lazy or just 'scronging'. I know so many people who have been mortage advisors etc and are now claiming. Things are so hard out there. We are going to take whatever help we can get tbh. If we didn't claim and needed the money that would make us worse wouldn't it?That way how would we buy what we & our LO's need?


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## Haydens_mummy

I never said the words I am better than anyone did I! I go to college part time whilst the other half works so I can get a job once my LO is old enough to go into full time nursery. Loads of my friends are on benefits and I've never judged them. Every persons circumstances are different and when I was little my mum was on benefits and then eventually got herself off of them. I would never judge anyone for being on benefits at all I am not that sort of person. I only said people get the idea that every teenage mum is on benefits from the media. That is all.


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## mayb_baby

](*,)


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## annawrigley

But if you don't think it's a bad thing then why are you bothered that people think you are? That's why people are getting offended


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## Haydens_mummy

Because people just seem to think it's ok to judge young mums when it isn't. Stop trying to contradict what I said.


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## bbyno1

Woah.


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## lynne192

i think just telling them whats what and then leave it at that, i get judged all the time i just gave up lol my son is all that matters benefits and such doesn't count for anything really some really great parents i know are on benefits. i think when it comes to money as long as u can feed and clothe a child and they are clean and health then why does it matter where the money comes from? maybe just my view but i rarely talk about my partners working or income if anyone judges me now i just said believe it or not i am actually in my twenties as sometimes turning it into a funny situation helps.


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## KaceysMummy

Teenage mums get judged, and probably always will - but simply for our ages. 
We just have to get on with it, people aren't worth it and some are quick to make assumptions.
I don't get why it's always teenage mum's who get 'called out' for receiving benefits, there is many others who get it, and don't even put it to good use... x


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## 10.11.12

bbyno1 said:


> I get judged all the time. Especially now that my bump is starting to form. I do look about 17 not 23 lol. I took Aliyah to an indoor play area 2 days back. Its for up to 5 year olds. Anyway two 5 year olds come over to me and say 'whats your little sisters name?' i was like erm 'Aliyah'. Didn't really know how to say 'shes my daughter' to them:shrug:
> 
> Anyway. I don't think none of us could do any better than what we do.
> Wether we claim benefits,go uni,work,be a SAHM,so be it. We are all great mums at the end of the day.. We provide our kids with what they need,by whatever way we do get our money. Claiming benefits doesn't mean we are lazy or just 'scronging'. I know so many people who have been mortage advisors etc and are now claiming. Things are so hard out there. We are going to take whatever help we can get tbh. If we didn't claim and needed the money that would make us worse wouldn't it?That way how would we buy what we & our LO's need?

Just wait, when you're in your 30's and Aliyah is a teenager you'll love being mistaken for her sister :haha:


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## Burchy314

10.11.12 said:


> bbyno1 said:
> 
> 
> i get judged all the time. Especially now that my bump is starting to form. I do look about 17 not 23 lol. I took aliyah to an indoor play area 2 days back. Its for up to 5 year olds. Anyway two 5 year olds come over to me and say 'whats your little sisters name?' i was like erm 'aliyah'. Didn't really know how to say 'shes my daughter' to them:shrug:
> 
> Anyway. I don't think none of us could do any better than what we do.
> Wether we claim benefits,go uni,work,be a sahm,so be it. We are all great mums at the end of the day.. We provide our kids with what they need,by whatever way we do get our money. Claiming benefits doesn't mean we are lazy or just 'scronging'. I know so many people who have been mortage advisors etc and are now claiming. Things are so hard out there. We are going to take whatever help we can get tbh. If we didn't claim and needed the money that would make us worse wouldn't it?that way how would we buy what we & our lo's need?
> 
> 
> *just wait, when you're in your 30's and aliyah is a teenager you'll love being mistaken for her sister *:haha:Click to expand...

so true!!!!


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## Strawberrymum

Burchy314 said:


> 10.11.12 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> bbyno1 said:
> 
> 
> i get judged all the time. Especially now that my bump is starting to form. I do look about 17 not 23 lol. I took aliyah to an indoor play area 2 days back. Its for up to 5 year olds. Anyway two 5 year olds come over to me and say 'whats your little sisters name?' i was like erm 'aliyah'. Didn't really know how to say 'shes my daughter' to them:shrug:
> 
> Anyway. I don't think none of us could do any better than what we do.
> Wether we claim benefits,go uni,work,be a sahm,so be it. We are all great mums at the end of the day.. We provide our kids with what they need,by whatever way we do get our money. Claiming benefits doesn't mean we are lazy or just 'scronging'. I know so many people who have been mortage advisors etc and are now claiming. Things are so hard out there. We are going to take whatever help we can get tbh. If we didn't claim and needed the money that would make us worse wouldn't it?that way how would we buy what we & our lo's need?
> 
> 
> *just wait, when you're in your 30's and aliyah is a teenager you'll love being mistaken for her sister *:haha:Click to expand...
> 
> so true!!!!Click to expand...

same thing happened to me in soft play this eight year old was like 'are you a mummy?' really confused im like yup shes like 'wow can you play with us' hehe she was cute. ive also been mistaken for an au pair when out with my parents and as my dads partner :sick: he gets the dirty looks then. 

anyway i think everyone should ignore the judgment in real life aslong as you knowwhat your doing is right thats all that matters. and maybe just ignore the judgement in this thread too. its hard for everyone no matter what age you are your going to be judged by how you raise your kids so just do what you need to and think is best


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## annawrigley

Haydens_mummy said:


> Because people just seem to think it's ok to judge young mums when it isn't. Stop trying to contradict what I said.

I would judge a 40 year old mother, I would guess they are married to the baby's dad and own a house and work or have worked up until they had the baby. That's not a bad thing, judgement isn't always bad. It's whether you choose to be offended by it or not, and that says something about what you look down on :thumbup: I'm not twisting your words I'm just reading it how it comes across. You can imply something without actually SAYING it.


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## bbyno1

10.11.12 said:


> bbyno1 said:
> 
> 
> I get judged all the time. Especially now that my bump is starting to form. I do look about 17 not 23 lol. I took Aliyah to an indoor play area 2 days back. Its for up to 5 year olds. Anyway two 5 year olds come over to me and say 'whats your little sisters name?' i was like erm 'Aliyah'. Didn't really know how to say 'shes my daughter' to them:shrug:
> 
> Anyway. I don't think none of us could do any better than what we do.
> Wether we claim benefits,go uni,work,be a SAHM,so be it. We are all great mums at the end of the day.. We provide our kids with what they need,by whatever way we do get our money. Claiming benefits doesn't mean we are lazy or just 'scronging'. I know so many people who have been mortage advisors etc and are now claiming. Things are so hard out there. We are going to take whatever help we can get tbh. If we didn't claim and needed the money that would make us worse wouldn't it?That way how would we buy what we & our LO's need?
> 
> 
> Just wait, when you're in your 30's and Aliyah is a teenager you'll love being mistaken for her sister :haha:Click to expand...

:haha: I hope so! Probably get all old and wrinkly in one hit lol


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## cammy

rileybaby said:


> cammy said:
> 
> 
> everyone always assumes Im living with my parents and my OH with his. But we don't and havent for a while. We rent our own place. Sure I am a SAHM but I am also a part time uni student. And yes I do claim evry benefit I can, but thats for the benefit for my family. OH works hard to support us and at the same time he loves his job. It really ticks me off when people assume my mum looks after my baby with me, she doesnt. I am his mummy and I do my job as a mum, I dont push my child off to other people.
> 
> but living with parents isnt a bad thhing to be judged on :wacko: i live with my parents, but i do everything for riley and my mum doesnt even change his nappy! I do mine and rileys cooking.. washing..take care of him.. i just live under thier roof and nothing more :flower: oh and yeah i dont have to pay bills and rent, i have that to come but as far as caring for riley, its just meClick to expand...

Oh I know, theres nothing wrong with living with parents, its not about where you live, its how you are with your child. its more the comments that peopel would say, like always assuming I pass lo off to my mum all the time. Ive had people say how my mum is the real mum, Im just the biological mum. WTF?? My mum comes in maybe once a fortnight and looks after lo so I can catch up on my housework. Thats it. It hurts to think people think Im not being a mum.


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## lynne192

i wish i could still live at home i don't judge people who do this is envy them lol would save me a fortune lol


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