# On the road again... a place for women getting into the TTC groove again.



## RedWylder

Hello ladies! And hello AF! Whoever has determined that I should be more fertile after MC is full of poopy. Now a full 2 cycles later and I still don't have my BFP (again). It's sort of discouraging since I'm wondering how many more times I'll have to go through the TTC for months, get pregnant, miscarry, repeat cycle before I have my rainbow baby but regardless, I'm getting into TTC groove again and I can't seem to find a thread for me. Most of the threads here are the get pregnant quick type and I guess I just need a place to hang out for the more long term commitment so if you didn't get pregnant again right away feel free to join me here!


----------



## Carybear

Hi Red! I've seen you on a few other sites. I too have had a hard time on some of the other sites. I see that we miscarried on the same day. So sorry for your loss.

I have been trying since July 2010. We finally got our BFP in November followed four days later by a chemical. AF is slowly winding down now... So yeah I didn't get pregnant quick. I'm in it with you!

Would be awesome to get a valentines BFP!


----------



## RedWylder

A Valentines BFP would be amazing! I don't know if it's possible since I'm a late ovulator but if I ovulate by Feb 4 I could be testing on the 14th. I guess we'll just have to wait and see! I'm glad to have you joining me. :) Good luck and happy BDing!


----------



## Lozga

Hi I miscarried in November and am in the TWW of our second month trying again. I really want a baby but sometimes thinking about being pregnant again is scary as I know I will be so worried about every little thing. I'm telling myself it wouldn't be so bad if it takes a while as we can save more money. I'm trying not to symptom spot at the moment but can't help myself. Good luck everyone


----------



## anchor08

Hi ladies, so sorry for everyone's losses and I hope this thread can be a support and a place where we get happier results! I miscarried last week Thursday at 9+5, first pregnancy after 3 months TTC. I started tracking my temperatures as soon as be bleeding stopped, not necessarily expecting much but just needed something to do. My chart is actually looking pretty good, so I think I might ovulate soon, but we'll see. For me, getting "back in the groove" of TTC is very much a one day at a time, "blinders on" sort of thing -- I'm not thinking about how scary it might be to be pregnant again even though that's what I want, and I'm not thinking about how difficult it might be if I don't get pregnant again soon. I'm just taking my temperature and thinking naively positive thoughts about each day!


----------



## aknqtpie

Hi Red! Hopefully this is your month!

I had a D&C two weeks ago (finally).. and now we are TTC (against dr. orders.. but oh well)... Just waiting to O now. In a normal cycle, I usually O around CD15 or so.. today I am CD13... so just waiting, but I know I will probably be later than normal. So far all -OPKs.


----------



## Carybear

Hi Red. How are you?

Lozga - I understand completely... I want a baby so much. I believe that God knows best and we will have our babies in His time. I've been symptom spotting for months. The more I learn about early pregnancy symptoms the crazier I drive myself! Sometimes I want to go back to my ignorance, it really was bliss.

Hi anchor and aknqtpie! Welcome! Keep the positive thoughts coming! It'd be awesome if this thread just took off and we got many rainbow babies this year!

AFM - AF started on the 15th... So that put me at CD4. I decided to not try anything this month. My body just seems so messed up. I have had bright blue veins running to my BB's since November 30th... They just keep getting darker. They are also very sore. This should have stopped as AF has ended. I'm also breaking out all over my chin. One zit a week before AF is very common for me, but four no way. And I never break out during AF.

I'm thinking that it is time for me to go to the dr. I need to see what is going on with my hormones.


----------



## Topanga053

Hi all! Love the idea of this thread!!!! 

I've seen most of you around already, but here's my story:

DH and I started TTC #1 in April of last year. Got pregnant in June and diagnosed with a blighted ovum in mid-August at 8+6. I had a d&c in late August and got first AF in late Sept. We're now on our 4th cycle since the MC and I'm waiting to O any day now... if I am ovulating! Blood tests have shown low progesterone, so OB isn't sure if I'm ovulating or not. Using Fertilitea this month, then starting Clomid next cycle. 

I was really hoping for a quick BFP like last time, but now I'm starting to acce


----------



## Topanga053

Hi all! Love the idea of this thread!!!! 

I've seen most of you around already, but here's my story:

DH and I started TTC #1 in April of last year. Got pregnant in June and diagnosed with a blighted ovum in mid-August at 8+6. I had a d&c in late August and got first AF in late Sept. We're now on our 4th cycle since the MC and I'm waiting to O any day now... if I am ovulating! Blood tests have shown low progesterone, so OB isn't sure if I'm ovulating or not. Using Fertilitea this month, then starting Clomid next cycle. 

I was really hoping for a quick BFP like last time, but now I'm starting to accept that it's obviously going to be a longer road ahead of us, so I love this thread!!

xoxo ladies!!


----------



## Carybear

It was a long road over the last to and half years... Was hoping that after mc it would be fast... 

Trying to stay positive! How is everyone doing?


----------



## aknqtpie

Just waiting to O.. Any day now...


----------



## RedWylder

Hey everyone! I've been MIA for a little while. I'm so glad to see you all joining me.

Aknqtpie- Hi lady!! I'm sorry you had to have a D and C but I'm so glad to hear you can finally move on. TTC against doctors orders is fine by me. I figure if you do get pregnant then maybe your body is saying that it's ready.

I'm doing ok. Right now I'm on CD5 and taking it easy. This is the one time of the month where nothing is stressing me out. I O around CD20 so I won't have to worry about BDing for a while and we all know what that dreaded TWW is like.

I do have a new plan in the works though. You guys can give me feedback on it. :) Ok so I'm due for my yearly pap in April/May. I'm considering scheduling it early like next month and using that appointment (100% covered by insurance) to pester my doc into figuring out what's wrong with me. I have really short luteal phases. This past month was barely 10 days long and that's with progesterone cream, vitex, b6, prenatals, etc. I'm also considering lying to the doc and saying we've been TTC for longer than a year when in actuality this is only our 9th cycle. I just have this feeling that something is wrong and I'll just keep miscarrying until someone figures it out. What do you all think? Should I lie? Should I wait until it's actually been a year? The reason I want to use my yearly check up to talk to my doc is because it's covered by my insurance. Apparently my insurance doesn't cover any type of fertility treatment/exams.


----------



## aknqtpie

I would lie... but that's just me :)


----------



## Carybear

My insurance will not pay anything that has to do with fertility. I have been thinking about going for my annual and pushing for whatever they will do for me...

It would at least be something.


----------



## RedWylder

How long have you been ttc carybear? We could both go in and lie and then compare our experiences, lol!


----------



## Carybear

Lol! I have been trying since July of 2010... We started right after we got married.

First I had a ton of polyps in my cervix so I had those removed. Then, I have hyperthyroid so I went on medication. Now, everything is normal and I finally conceived only to lose the baby.

But... Right now everything is so strange. I'm thinking I am going to go to the gyn because my periods have been lighter and much much shorter. My stomach is swelling and I still have thick blue veins in BB... BUT every test is a BFN


----------



## Carybear

Still waiting to hear from the dr about blood test results... It has been 8 days


----------



## Carybear

Finally got a hold of the doctor  ill be getting results ths afternoon


----------



## Carybear

Well... After eight days of waiting... There was a technician error and they recommended I come back into redo the tests. Since I got AF that day I decided to not redo the tests. 

I go to the doctors tomorrow.


----------



## aknqtpie

Ugh, what a pain. 

AF showed for me on Monday (2 weeks after D&C) ... heavy bleeding Monday and Tues,... and it got light today. DH is going out of town this weekend.. so hopefully we can start trying again next week. I have my post D&C dr appointment on friday.


----------



## Carybear

Because my mc was natural, they sad they didn't need a follow up. My HCG retuned to 0 two days after the bleeding started. But I wish they had wanted a follow up. I just have so many unanswered questions.

Just going to regular doc today, but am making an appoint at gyn.


----------



## anchor08

That's great that your hcg dropped so quickly, but it must make it hard also -- your body leaves things behind and you're still reeling! I hope you can get some of your questions answered by your GP, the insurance issue is a difficult one.


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> I have really short luteal phases. This past month was barely 10 days long and that's with progesterone cream, vitex, b6, prenatals, etc. I'm also considering lying to the doc and saying we've been TTC for longer than a year when in actuality this is only our 9th cycle. I just have this feeling that something is wrong and I'll just keep miscarrying until someone figures it out. What do you all think? Should I lie? Should I wait until it's actually been a year? The reason I want to use my yearly check up to talk to my doc is because it's covered by my insurance. Apparently my insurance doesn't cover any type of fertility treatment/exams.

That's awful about your insurance! Sometimes I really hate insurance. (Like when mine told me that because I miscarried I had to pay a co-pay for every single office visit post-viability, whereas I would only have had to pay for one of those if I had stayed pregnant.)

As far as your question, I wouldn't lie or wait for the full year. If you clearly have a LPD and have a prior miscarriage, I'm sure your OB will take it more seriously. I went to my OB after only 2 months of TTC post-miscarriage because my OPKs were odd and suggested a LPD. She immediately ordered the Day 21 test, which revealed wicked low progesterone. I'm starting on Clomid in the next month or two (I already have it, but might wait because we're going to be out of state next month when I would need to have the required blood draw). 

I think a sympathetic doctor is going to be more than willing to check things out for you! If you're worried something is wrong, don't let them make you wait. It's not worth it! If your doctor won't do it, see if you can change doctors.


----------



## flou

Hi ladies sorry for your losses, can i join? We have been ttc since April 2011 and got our first bfp after 19 months ttc. We were relieved as all blood tests and DHs SA were all normal. Anyway at 6 weeks we mc. I decided to wait for a month and got busy with xmas plans etc. At the start of this month i felt quite good about ttc again. However i started to feel down about the whole process. AF started y'day so onto another month. People who know that i have had a mc are trying to reassure me by saying that we will have children soon. And maybe we will but i cant see it at the mo. I was low when i was going through the mc and i thought i was getting better but some days it feels like i haven't made any progress on dealing with the grief. I hope we all get our rainbow babies soon!


----------



## aknqtpie

What is LPD?


----------



## buttercup_82

Hi ladies, sorry if this has already been asked but I could use some advice. I have just miscarried at 14 (2nd mmc) last week, had delivery then d&c, haven't had much bleeding and seem to be feeling ok (physicall anyway).

I have a DD (16 months) and in 2010 I had a mc at 11 weeks (lighted ovum). With that mc I had ALOT of bleeding, pain and ended up with a d&c then too. We conceived our beautiful DD on the next cycle - so basically I was pregnant 6 weeks after as my AF arrived 4.5 weeks after d&c.

So basically, I have had 3 pregnancies in 3 years more or less. My consultant, and various docs and nurses at hospital said it would be ok to ttc straight away, just wait til I get my AF first. My GP said wait two cycles (just to let u know this was by phone as I haven't actually seen her since mc).

I would just be grateful for some advice or similar stories? I know I conceived right away after first mc, but I wonder is that because I wasn't as far on and it was my 2nd preg when ttc. But on the other hand, I think I lost way more lood that time. Sorry for the essay - grateful for any thoughts :)

Thanks xo


----------



## Topanga053

aknqtpie said:


> What is LPD?

Luteal phase defect.


----------



## aknqtpie

I just had my D&C, and AF showed 2 weeks later.. I plan on trying right away.


----------



## Carybear

Welcome Flou.

Went to the GP today. She did a bunch of blood work today and will do hormonal blood work around cd 21... Said she wasn't sure what was going on. My biggest concerns are my stomach (my belly has grown considerably and is hard) and the fact that I have to pee like every two hours. My breasts have grown at least one cup size.

I have no urinary tract or kidney infections, so that is good... Hopefully the blood tests will tell me what is going on 

I am CD10 today and noticed EWCM. Trying OPK's for the first time.


----------



## aknqtpie

Hopefully they figure out what is going on!


----------



## anchor08

Hi buttercup, so sorry for your loss, it must be so hard right now.

My experience is more like your first one (blighted ovum at 9+4), so I can't give any specific advice, but I hope you can ask more questions to your medical providers and find something you're comfortable with. I have heard that some doctors recommend waiting a cycle after d&c because your uterine lining will be thin, but others say that basically the body is ready when it decides it's ready, so if you get pregnant before the first af then it's likely your body will be ready for it. Lots of hugs, and you'll have plenty of company whatever you decide!


----------



## buttercup_82

Thanks anchor08 and I'm so sorry for your loss also. I know it's so hard, especially when ttc #1. If it gives you any sort of hope, I got pregnant on my first cycle after my d&c for first mc, and now have a very healthy DD. I really can't believe I've had another mc, but I suppose in one ways it's good (if u can even say that) that it was a different type of mc and not same again. I think the most important thing is to stay positive. I just don't know if things will be different for me this time as I was further on, although I don't think I lost as much blood this time. But I suppose if our bodies are ready, then we'll know. I'm just staying positive :)


----------



## jem77

buttercup_82 said:


> Hi ladies, sorry if this has already been asked but I could use some advice. I have just miscarried at 14 (2nd mmc) last week, had delivery then d&c, haven't had much bleeding and seem to be feeling ok (physicall anyway).
> 
> I have a DD (16 months) and in 2010 I had a mc at 11 weeks (lighted ovum). With that mc I had ALOT of bleeding, pain and ended up with a d&c then too. We conceived our beautiful DD on the next cycle - so basically I was pregnant 6 weeks after as my AF arrived 4.5 weeks after d&c.
> 
> So basically, I have had 3 pregnancies in 3 years more or less. My consultant, and various docs and nurses at hospital said it would be ok to ttc straight away, just wait til I get my AF first. My GP said wait two cycles (just to let u know this was by phone as I haven't actually seen her since mc).
> 
> I would just be grateful for some advice or similar stories? I know I conceived right away after first mc, but I wonder is that because I wasn't as far on and it was my 2nd preg when ttc. But on the other hand, I think I lost way more lood that time. Sorry for the essay - grateful for any thoughts :)
> 
> Thanks xo

Hi Buttercup! Sorry for your loss. I had a natural MC at 14 weeks, a bladder infection I had no clue about crossed over and caused me to go into labor). I got my first AF 6 weeks later (still very light spotting now on cd 11). We are going to TTC this month! Dr wanted us to wait to AF's but I want a BFP now! So, hopefully it happens quick! I don't have much info for you, but was as far as you. Fingers crossed.
Good luck to everyone!


----------



## buttercup_82

Jem77 thanks so much for your reply, it is good to speak to someone who lost their baby at same stage as me - I am so sorry for your loss also, it's devastating. You think you are past the risky stage at 14 weeks, it's so hard to comprehend. I had a scan at 6 weeks then again at 11 (although I was measuring 10) and baby had a heartbeat, was back in at 13 weeks, baby had grown to 14 weeks, but no heartbeat :( I just couldn't believe it. Awaiting results of pm, but the pathologist said it looks like there was a blood clot on my placenta (2cm). I don't really know much more right now or how it even happened, but I'm so devastated as I'm sure u were too and probably still are. A bladder infection that u didn't know about must have been tough, especially as so out of your control :( and having to deliver the baby was tough. Our little girl was perfectly formed. All my docs have said one cycle, physically anyway, emotionally could be different. But it's really great to be in touch with people in same boat, as unfortunate as it is.... Xo


----------



## Carybear

Hi buttercup. I'm so sorry for your loss. My mc broke my heart and I hadn't even gotten to see the heartbeat. I cannot even imagine.

I started using OPK'S this morning. I'm a complete newbie. There was a second faint line on it this morning. Should I test again tonight? I have a lot of ewcm today, but it has a slight yellowish tint to it. Never had that before...


----------



## RedWylder

Carybear said:


> Welcome Flou.
> 
> Went to the GP today. She did a bunch of blood work today and will do hormonal blood work around cd 21... Said she wasn't sure what was going on. My biggest concerns are my stomach (my belly has grown considerably and is hard) and the fact that I have to pee like every two hours. My breasts have grown at least one cup size.
> 
> I have no urinary tract or kidney infections, so that is good... Hopefully the blood tests will tell me what is going on
> 
> I am CD10 today and noticed EWCM. Trying OPK's for the first time.

Eeck Carybear! That's crazy for someone who is supposedly not pregnant. I hope they find out soon!

Welcome to all the new folk hanging out here! I can't seem to keep up with anything right now since work has been keeping me super busy. But I have decided that I am going to call the doc and make an appointment to get my yearly checkup and request that he look at the cause of my short luteal phases. Hopefully that will give me some answers that I need.


----------



## Carybear

Hi Red.. Glad to see things are going good...

It is crazy. Before my miscarriage, I had the blue veins, larger breasts, tons of cm, exhaustion, etc... But as soon as I had miscarried they went away. I never had the swollen belly though.

I know I ovulated just one week after the miscarriage because of the pain I had, as well as the ewcm. Then on dec 1 the blue veins were back and my breasts were once again getting huge... I'm not skinny by any means but I have never been big chested. When I got AF on dec 12 (exactly 30 days like always) I assumed the veins would go away. Nope, I've had to buy new bras that have gone up an entire size and they are getting tight.

The exhaustion has been pretty bad, but the tests all say BFN. Don't know what I am supposed to think. I've only been pregnant once and that one ended quickly. But really, should my belly be getting larger and be hard underneath. (I'd like to say that I have rock solid abs under the flab... But that would be a lie! I'm losing my waist and am wondering why. Can hormones do all that to you? Is something from the miscarriage? My HCG was at 0 before I ever stopped bleeding so I know there was none of that left.

I have an hourglass figure. When I put on weight, I put it on everywhere. I've gained about 5 lbs in the last three months, but on me that would never really show. It would just kind of spread out. Even at my heaviest weight, I still had a nice waist! Just wish I knew what was going on.

Belly does feel strange. The doc didnt really comment on my stomach, but she said she didn't think there was a tumor or anything (something I've been wondering about)..

Sorry for the long post!


----------



## aknqtpie

Cary - For OPKs you want the test line to be as dark as or darker than the control line. So you will want to test every day. It is also good to not test on FMU and make sure you have held it for a couple hours. 

Buttercup - I am sorry for your loss. 

AFM - I had my post D&C doctors appointment.. my uterus looked good, and she said she wanted me to wait a cycle. I asked her if I would get in trouble if I didn't and she said no.. haha. So waiting for this AF-like thing to go away, and for DH to get back from his trip this weekend so I can TTC :)


----------



## RedWylder

Hahahaha Aknqtpie. I wouldn't wait either. I didn't have time to call the doc today so I guess I'll wait for Monday to try again.


----------



## buttercup_82

Carybear said:


> Hi buttercup. I'm so sorry for your loss. My mc broke my heart and I hadn't even gotten to see the heartbeat. I cannot even imagine.
> 
> I started using OPK'S this morning. I'm a complete newbie. There was a second faint line on it this morning. Should I test again tonight? I have a lot of ewcm today, but it has a slight yellowish tint to it. Never had that before...

 Hi Cary. I'm so sorry fr your loss too. I don't think it matters how far on you are, it's difficult no matter what :(

I think u should keep doing opk's and bd'ing as much as possible! If there's any chance u could be ov then go for it!!

Jut read your other post, it seems strange? Could u be pregnant? ESP if hcg was zero beforehand!! :)


----------



## Carybear

Well... According to the HPT and the drs blood test I am not pregnant... Gotta be something, I guess time will tell


----------



## RedWylder

Sorry to hear that Cary. :( I was hoping for you!

AFM, I'm feeling down tonight. I'm sure it's just the latest pregnancy announcement at my workplace that's gettin to me. I felt happy for the lady but sad for me. Hugs to everyone else out there feeling the same.


----------



## Topanga053

Cary,

My friends stomach started getting larger and hard a couple of months after she gave birth to her son by c-section. Everyone kept asking if she was pregnant because that's how it looked. It turns out it was a tumor/hernia thing (lol sorry, I'm so terrible with medical stuff) from the c-section. She's TTC #2 right now and her OB told her not to worry about it for the time being. It's crazy because her stomach feels ROCK hard!!!

Anyway, I know the circumstances are totally different, but that's the only time I've heard of someone having a growing, hard stomach who wasn't pregnant.


----------



## buttercup_82

Carybear said:


> Well... According to the HPT and the drs blood test I am not pregnant... Gotta be something, I guess time will tell

I hope u get some answers soon... Keep on at your docs, I'm sure this is frustrating for you


----------



## buttercup_82

RedWylder said:


> Sorry to hear that Cary. :( I was hoping for you!
> 
> AFM, I'm feeling down tonight. I'm sure it's just the latest pregnancy announcement at my workplace that's gettin to me. I felt happy for the lady but sad for me. Hugs to everyone else out there feeling the same.

No matter how hard it is, try and stay positive, and hopefully you will have a pregnancy announcement soon too - hopefully we all will :)


----------



## jem77

RedWylder said:


> Sorry to hear that Cary. :( I was hoping for you!
> 
> AFM, I'm feeling down tonight. I'm sure it's just the latest pregnancy announcement at my workplace that's gettin to me. I felt happy for the lady but sad for me. Hugs to everyone else out there feeling the same.

Workplace pregnancy's are so hard to deal with. I have 2 very good friends at work who are pregnant. One is due 5 days after I was. It SO hard to see her growing belly. 
Hang in there....it will be all of us soon!


----------



## aknqtpie

Red - I am sorry :( I hate seeing pregnancy announcements.. but don't worry, we will get there soon!! 

Cary - Is your doctor going to do an U/S to make sure that there isn't anything else going on? If it was me, I would push for it, just to make sure.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks so much everyone! It is beyond frustrating... Especially since my BB's are filled with blue veins and are still so big and sore. I mean really that should have gone away with AF! 

I'm supposed to get results of the latest round of blood tests tomorrow. I was hoping she would do an ultrasound but she didn't even suggest it. She just raised her eyebrows when she felt my stomach. I'm by no means skinny... but I am losing my waist... a little more every day. I'm going to a new dr this Friday. I will definitely be asking for an u/s. I just want to make sure that there isn't something wrong.

Today, I had a sharp pain that went from my belly button to my groin. It was very brief (just a few seconds) and then was gone. There has been a lot of little pains going on. Wondering if it is O pains... But I've had them for weeks.

Uuuggghhhhh... At this point I will be happy to know something.

Sending everyone. :dust:

Hopefully I will have some news tomorrow...


----------



## Carybear

Here is the latest OPK.


----------



## RedWylder

Have they been that dark consistently? That looks about as positive as they get.


----------



## Carybear

That was the first dark one. This mornings was just as dark and came up before the control line again.


----------



## RedWylder

Get babymaking!!!! (I hope they figure out the boob and shrinking waist problem soon!)


----------



## Topanga053

Speaking of multiple positive OPKs (which I am STILL getting!), have any of you heard of someone getting a temp spike but not ovulating? I'm still trying to figure out what's going on with me. I'm still getting positive OPKs, but I had a really big temp hike four days ago that's staying high.

Thoughts???

Here's my chart:

https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/3f5415


----------



## RedWylder

You sick topanga? Hahaha. A fever could cause a spike.

I scheduled a doc appt for the 4th so I'm hoping to get some answers or someone who is willing to look into my short luteal phases. I'll keep ya'll posted!


----------



## Topanga053

Nope! Definitely not sick! I don't know what else could cause a spike like that, other than a fever and ovulation. And since I know I'm not sick, I hope it's ovulation!!! But then I'm still confused by the +OPKs. Leftover LH???


----------



## Carybear

I don't know much about temping, but it seems strange to still get positives... Has the witch showed up atall?.. Could you be pregnant?

I'm waiting for my dr to call with blood test results. She called yesterday and I missed it because I was in a meeting. When I called back they were closed. She called me this morning andi was teaching. I called back during lunch and specials and the nurse wasn't available... Still waiting...

I go to a gyn next Wednesday... Praying for answers!


----------



## Topanga053

I wish! But I always get a ton of positives, even when I'm not pregnant, so I don't think that's it. No sign of the witch yet. FF is predicting AF to be next week.


----------



## Carybear

Got my blood results and everything is normal except my TSH which I already knew was high. I've been on ptu for 9 months and just went off it in December because I was actually changing from hyper to hypo. Now I'm back to hyper but my free t3 and free t4 are normal... So endo says no meds right now 

Anyway she went ahead and did the hormonal panel but I don't know what it means...
They were taken on cd10 my FSH WAS 4.6 my LH was 6.3. My progesterone was .5 and my estradiol was 150.. Anyone know what this means? According to the lab reports everything is within the normal range.


----------



## aknqtpie

I wish I knew what it meant.. :-/ 

Not sure about the positive OPKs and temp spike.. are you using a digital OPK or a line one? I have heard that once the digital ones detect positive, they don't always reset themselves to be negative... if that makes sense?


----------



## RedWylder

I think if I were you Topanga, I would trust the temperature spike and not the OPK. Generally speaking (from my research) the only true confirmation that you have ovulated is a temperature spike. I have no idea why you would still produce LH after ovulation but you say this is common for you. Perhaps it's like HCG and miscarriages. After a woman has a miscarriage it takes a while for the HCG to leave your system. Mayber your body makes so much LH that it just takes a while for it to get out of your system after ovulation. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. :)

Can I just say- I would love to be pregnant. I'm sick of this "trying" stuff.


----------



## aknqtpie

Me too.. I am glad to finally be "Trying" again, but I wish I didn't have to be trying.


----------



## Topanga053

aknqtpie said:



> are you using a digital OPK or a line one? I have heard that once the digital ones detect positive, they don't always reset themselves to be negative... if that makes sense?

I'm using the disposable line ones. That would have made a lot of sense about the digital ones though!! They finally turned negative this morning (CD 28). In total, I had 9 days of +.



RedWylder said:


> I think if I were you Topanga, I would trust the temperature spike and not the OPK. Generally speaking (from my research) the only true confirmation that you have ovulated is a temperature spike. I have no idea why you would still produce LH after ovulation but you say this is common for you. Perhaps it's like HCG and miscarriages. After a woman has a miscarriage it takes a while for the HCG to leave your system. Mayber your body makes so much LH that it just takes a while for it to get out of your system after ovulation. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. :)
> 
> Can I just say- I would love to be pregnant. I'm sick of this "trying" stuff.

Thanks Red! I like the point about HCG. I've wondered the same thing myself. I hope you're right! I have another blood draw to check my progesterone tomorrow morning. I'm excited to see if this confirms ovulation. Definitely crossing my fingers!!!!

And I know... this TTC thing is for the birds. So annoying!


----------



## Carybear

Amen Topanga!!!!!! I'm so over it... But I want a baby so I keep at it... Keeping praying, keep hoping, keep as positive as I possibly can... So, when it does happen my sticky bean has a nice positive place to grow..

I do know one thing... I may not have my babies in my arms yet, but I already love them with alone so strong... I can't imagine what it will be like when I do get to hold them.


----------



## RedWylder

Carybear said:


> Amen Topanga!!!!!! I'm so over it... But I want a baby so I keep at it... Keeping praying, keep hoping, keep as positive as I possibly can... So, when it does happen my sticky bean has a nice positive place to grow..
> 
> I do know one thing... I may not have my babies in my arms yet, but I already love them with alone so strong... I can't imagine what it will be like when I do get to hold them.

I know! Me too! It sounds silly but sometimes I feel like my heart will burst with the love I have for my future-not-yet-in-existence child. That's what keeps me going. One day I'll be able to hold said child in my arms and I think I'll finally feel complete.


----------



## Carybear

I couldn't agree more red. I go to the dr again tomorrow. I'm going to push for an ultrasound. DH and I bd last night and it was painful. I'm a little concerned that something is not quite right, especially when you factor in all the weird symptoms I've had.

I've had blue veins in bb and theyhave been sore since November 30th! The stomach getting larger has only been in the last two-three weeks.

Outside of TTC news.... DH and I went to look at a house for rent tonight. It was in our price range and beautiful. Of course, as we pull up there was another lady there. Turns put she needs a place for her and her son and she is in a nasty divorce. She was crying. So, we decided to let her have it and keep on looking. We don't need a place until march 1st. Sigh.... It really was beautiful...

Of course, it made me realize all that I have...


----------



## aknqtpie

Glad you are pushing for an US.. after everything that I have went through, all I can say is if you know something is wrong, you know its wrong. No one knows what their body is saying better than us! Hope you get resolved and can have you baby soon!

Wylder - I call mine my "hypothetical child" lol.

Looks like I am gearing up to O... got some EWCM today... boobies have been hurting... getting some cramping. I had a negative OPK this morning..b ut hoping it is positive tonight or tomorrow!


----------



## Carybear

Went to another doctor today. I've decided to switch to her because she is so much better! She ordered an ultrasound of my stomach. Yeah! But... I'm going to a gyn on Wednesday morning, so I'm going to hold off and see if he does one.

Do you think I should get it anyway? I could probably get in Tuesday afternoon.

I will just be happy to get answers. My belly has often big and it is hard to zip my jeans. I look pregnant. I would say that maybe I had just gained weight, but I've only gained three pounds since October. I am an hourglass shape, so 3 lbs doesn't really show on me. I gain weight all over never in just one area.


----------



## RedWylder

aknqtpie- hypothetical child is much easier to type. I should use that instead

cary- I think I'd go ahead and schedule the u/s. You haven't had the best of luck getting docs doing what you want them to do so now that you have one that is willing, I'd take them up on the offer. You can always tell the gyn that you already had one scheduled.


----------



## Carybear

Very true... Or just get both


----------



## aknqtpie

Getting both doesnt hurt... At least having 2 opinions.


----------



## Topanga053

I agree with ak! Get it done while you know you have the option! And be sure to tell us the results!!!


----------



## Topanga053

Gahh one of my friends just announced that she's 3 months pregnant with her second baby. My friends are throwing me a birthday party next weekend. Now I'm going to have to hear all about her pregnancy and see the bump and everything at MY birthday party. 

Really, it's not that I'm not happy for her, but the timing couldn't be worse. It's like the universe isn't happy unless it's making me feel bad, now this on my birthday party? The one night I was looking forward to getting out with friends with no baby talk?????

Just rub it in my face that I'm a year older and still not pregnant, while everyone around me gets pregnant like its nothing. It doesn't help that my due date would have been next month and we've been TTC now (including the miscarriage) for almost a full year. I really can't handle all of this.

*end self-pity rant*


----------



## aknqtpie

Topanga - I am going through a similar situation.. at first I felt like you did, but now I am thinking there is a good chance that me and my really good friend can have babies close to the same age, which is really cool! And think, when you do get pregnant.. they are going to be so happy for you. As we will be!

AFM - Positive OPK this morning!!!! :) Think I should O by Monday. If I get my BFP this time around, I will tell them they were conceived on Superbowl Sunday lol


----------



## Starry Night

I hope you lovely ladies don't mind my joining. :flower: Now that the evil :witch: is here I thought it would be safe to join this group. I had thought there was a chance I would be getting my bfp first try but it was all in my head. :nope: I've never gotten pregnant in less than 5 months so I think I would like to be with other ladies who are settling in for a bit of a longer road (though I hope our bodies prove us wrong this time!!)

I made the mistake of visiting the First Tri forums the other day and I recognized so many ladies from the Miscarriage forum....many who had miscarried after me already 8 weeks into their pregnancy. I felt very let down and betrayed. Not by them, of course, but I just felt so empty and lonely and thinking "why not me??"

Good news is, it seems my cycles are pretty much to normal now. Hopefully, I get more luck this cycle. with my longer cycles I only have 2 more tries to get my bfp before my angel's due date.


----------



## aknqtpie

Fxd for you Starry!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Awe starry I know how you feel. It makes me sad when others who have miscarried get preggo right away and I have yet to join them. I feel like it's never going to happen for me. :(

Topanga- I can relate. Yesterday at the staff meeting another coworker announced her pregnancy. What's weird/sad is that when I found out she was only 6 weeks along the first thing I could think of was a bunch of negative thoughts like "I can't believe she'd announce it when she's probably going to miscarry!" How ridiculous is it that my view on pregnancy is now so warped that I think that people can't carry babies without miscarrying. 

AK- I've been crampy and showing signs of impending ovulation as well. Looks like we'll be O buddies and then TWW buddies.


----------



## Topanga053

AK- I used to be that way. But in the last year, I have watched friend after friend after friend get pregnant and/or give birth. I am literally one of the only people I hang out with who is not pregnant or who doesn't have a baby (or two or three). At least one of my friends (usually multiple) has ALWAYS been pregnant during the last year. When my friend who got pregnant with me over the summer had her triplets two weeks ago, she was my last pregnant friend. I can't describe the relief that FINALLY none of my friends were pregnant. I was still sad that they had babies, but I was so RELIEVED that I finally--for the FIRST TIME since TTC--did not have any pregnant friends. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. It was the first time I didn't have to dread seeing ultrasound photos or baby bumps or upcoming babyshowers or visits to the hospital. It was like I could finally focus on me without having to deal with the constant pain that comes with ALWAYS having a close pregnant friend. When I saw my friend's triplets in the hospital, it was happy/sad, but mostly, I felt relief. I knew that that was the last baby-related thing I would have to deal with for a long time. Of course, that lasted two weeks before this newest announcement. I really am happy for her, but I needed a break. Just a couple of months without a pregnant friend really would have gone a long way to help me heal emotionally. I've never had that before.. I've ALWAYS had to deal with pregnant friends during this whole tortorous process and I thought that was finally over. 

Starry and Red- I feel the same way. :-( So happy that they all got their rainbows so quickly because I know they all deserve it, but I don't understand why it can't be me too. I feel like I've suffered enough. But I feel like it's never going to happen for me either. I just can't imagine seeing a BFP and watching my stomach grow. :-( It just feels like it's never going to happen.

Listen to me moan! Sorry ladies, it's just been a really rough day. I'll be chipper in the morning!


----------



## aknqtpie

:hugs: Topanga... I hope you feel better! Your time will come. :)


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs::hugs: Topanga, I really hope you get your forever rainbow soon. Then you can drive all your friends crazy with your pregnancy and baby talk.


----------



## Carybear

I completely understand Topanga! I have the same thing going on here. That's why I love this site. I can be me... I can talk about anything... My worries... My symptoms... My hurts and I have a supportive group that doesn't think I'm absolutely insane!

Our time will come... All of us... I have to believe that


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks ladies! :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Is the whole world pregnant? I'm beginning to wonder...

Went for more blood tests today and I am scheduling the u/s. I'm going to schedule it for Thursday, just in case the OBGYN does one. I don't want my insurance to refuse to pay for it.

This way I make sure to get one. Someone told me yesterday, awe... Look, you already have a bump! She didn't know that I had miscarried in November, but I was like wow... My stomach is swollen and it is actually showing! I've got to figure out what is going on!


----------



## aknqtpie

Aww :( Sorry! I hope you get some answers soon!!!

I am officially in my TWW.. The torture!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I really hope your doctors can figure out what is going on.

aknqtpie - good luck! Hope the tww goes by quickly as possible.


----------



## Topanga053

Haha pretty much ditto on everything Starry said. I definitely can't wait to hear the u/s results, Cary! And I hope the dreaded TWW goes by quickly for you, AK. It's so awful!! I wish there was a way we would know INSTANTLY if the egg got fertilized and implanted! Doesn't it seem crazy that it's possible to be pregnant for two weeks and have absolutely no idea???


----------



## aknqtpie

I will probably test at 10/11dpo... I got my BFP last time at 10dpo.. and I won't be home from like 12-14dpo... and frankly, I have waited so long to get back to be able to TTC that I will be chomping at the bit!


----------



## RedWylder

Ditto for Cary and ak.

Afm: my doc appt is tomorrow plus I think I will ovulate today or tomorrow. The bad news is my hubby went in for an emergency appendectomy and is now out of commission for baby making. Of all days in the month he could get sick he had to hit the 2-3 fertile days I have. Lady Luck is not on my side.


----------



## Carybear

Sorry red... Is he ok?


----------



## RedWylder

Yes. Just groggy after the surgery. Doc said we caught it just in time and that had we waited even another hour it could've burst. I gues it pays to be an EMT and be trained to recognize the symptoms of appendicitis.


----------



## Starry Night

What a lucky catch then even though it doesn't feel that way. Glad that your DH is OK. It is a tough break that it happened over your fertile window. So yeah...happy for your husband but not so happy for the timing. I'd be really frustrated about that too. :hugs:


----------



## aknqtpie

Glad DH is okay. Bad timing, but good catch!


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> What a lucky catch then even though it doesn't feel that way. Glad that your DH is OK. It is a tough break that it happened over your fertile window. So yeah...happy for your husband but not so happy for the timing. I'd be really frustrated about that too. :hugs:

Isn't it funny that this is one of our first thoughts now?? I would be exactly the same way. A couple of days before ovulation this month, DH thought he might be getting the flu. I was like, "ohhh, poor baby! I hope you're not getting sick! ... but seriously, even if you are, we're going to have to have sex next week."

So glad your DH is ok, but I agree with Starry that the timing sucks. Hoping for a speedy recovery for your DH and lots of make-up BD'ing next month!

Afm, got the results of January's Day 21 test yesterday-- 8.2. I ovulated!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance: I KNEW we took the test too early! So we've confirmed that I actually ovulate a couple of days after my first +OPK. Good to know!


----------



## aknqtpie

Woohoo for ovulating!


----------



## RedWylder

Omgoodness so glad I went to the doc. It was very helpful and ill fill you in once I get to a keyboard.


----------



## Carybear

Looking forward to hearing...


----------



## aknqtpie

Glad you went to the doctor too!!!

Cary - Did you have your dr appt already?


----------



## Topanga053

AF just started. On to next cycle!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga - boo to AF but hurray to ovulating! Hope this is your lucky cycle!

RedWylder - look forward to hearing about your visit too!

afm - now that my AF is ending I'm finally starting to feel like myself. I took DS to the mall today and I was running with his stroller through the parking lot I feel so free and giddy. For first time since getting my latest bfp I feel like my body is my own. Now it's time to knock me up again. ha ha


----------



## Carybear

Red- tell all  maybe it will give me some questions to ask....

Aknqtpie - I go tomorrow morning... Here's to getting some answers.

Topanga - sorry about AF, but awesome attitude!

Still tired, exhausted really...


----------



## RedWylder

Ok. So hubby is still in the hospital but recovering well from his surgery. Meanwhile I met with my OB/GYN about my cycles being "abnormal". For those of you who haven't been following my TTC progress here's the short: After 9 months of TTC (one BFP, one MC) I have notice my luteal (10 days) phase being short and my ovulation late (day 19-23). I'm more concerned about the luteal phase since this might actually be the cause of my miscarriage. 

So anyways I've had a lot of practitioners blow me off and disregard all the charting, temping, researching that I've done to learn about what might be going on with me. So when my doc today listened to my concerns, looked at my charts and offered real advise, it was such a relief. He knew all about temping (he was like 80 years old so I had my doubts; but the old guy knew his stuff!) and seemed relatively at ease with the fact that I actually did know what I was talking about with my O dates. Previous practitioners always seemed doubtful but after 9 months of charting I know my body pretty damn well.

So anyways, he suggested several things to get me figured out. First, we're going to do a progesterone check 7-10 days post ovulation. (I was so relieved he didn't suggest I come in on day 21 since I normally don't even ovulate until day 21) We're also going to do a semen analysis for my hubby and then after this cycle is over I am supposed to come in on day 5 of my new cycle for a pelvic exam to check for cysts and get started on clomid which he said was a relatively mild drug and it couldn't hurt to try it. 

So I am getting the works and he didn't even make me wait a year like a lot of practitioners do. He listened to my concerns, talked my ear off about possibilities and got me started on a plan of action. It just feels good to know that there's something I can do rather than sit and wait.

Oh and on top of it all, I had the chance to help educate a med student who was following my doc. The med student thanked me after and said he learned a lot from our conversation. It feels good to know that there's one less ignorant medical provider out there because I went in today. :)


----------



## RedWylder

@Cary- my thoughts are with you and I sure hope answers are in your future.

@Ak- how's that TWW treating you? Have you tested yet? 

@Topanga- Darn that witch!! 

@Starry- Im so glad you're with us and you're feeling better. I know the emotional roller coaster all to well.


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga053 said:


> Isn't it funny that this is one of our first thoughts now?? I would be exactly the same way. A couple of days before ovulation this month, DH thought he might be getting the flu. I was like, "ohhh, poor baby! I hope you're not getting sick! ... but seriously, even if you are, we're going to have to have sex next week."


^^THIS is SOOO true. I can't believe that one of my first thoughts about my husband's impending surgery and possibly fatal disease was "Damn, no baby for me". I feel so incredibly selfish and ridiculous for this thought and it just goes to show how unfair it is to have to wait so long. It turns women into crazy people.


----------



## fullofhopes

hey all. I am new to this online forum thingie But thought its a good way to communicate with other hopeful mommies sailing in my boat. I had wht my gyno calls, a chemical pregnancy on jan 13th 2013... LMP was nov 21, 2012....I was getting faint but positive 2nd lines on my HPTs. Then suddenly on the said date ie jan 13th, I started bleeding and passed a big blobby clot. My heart ached on seeing that.... I decided to move on. Now its like 25 days later, and I am having sore boobs again...We r actively ttc... Dont know my ovulation date coz its just the first cycle after the chemical....Also my cycles were slight irregular always....


----------



## RedWylder

Welcome Hopes!! I've been there. I had a chemical as well but don't fool yourself into thinking that chemical doesn't mean you weren't actually pregnant. It's just an early miscarriage.

The sore boobs is a good sign but only time will tell for sure if you may be preggo again. I will say that it seems fairly common for the first AF after M/C to mimic pregnancy symptoms. I was sure I was pregnant again and yet here I am, 3 months later and very much not pregnant. Take care, and let us know how things progress!


----------



## Carybear

Awwww red... I actually got teary eyed reading your post! That is so awesome... Isn't it amazing how a listening ear and a plan of a tigon can make everything seem so much better... Sending :hugs: your way and a thank you for sharing... Somehow it gives me hope too...

Welcome hopes! I too am on the third month after miscarriage and still hoping for a BFP. FX'd for you.

Tomorrows the big day... Hoping for some answers instead of crazy stares...


----------



## aknqtpie

Red - I am glad your doctor listened to your concerns and acted on them. Sounds like you have a good plan to move forward. 

Hopes - Welcome!!! I am sorry for your loss. Sore boobs could either be 1) BFP! 2) AF 3) Ovulating... I just went through my first ovulation since my D&C.. and my boobs hurt the last 3 days. Today was the first day they stopped hurting.. 

TWW has been horrid.. no testing yet.. as I am only 1-3dpo (could of O'd anywhere from Sat to Monday)..


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> Topanga053 said:
> 
> 
> Isn't it funny that this is one of our first thoughts now?? I would be exactly the same way. A couple of days before ovulation this month, DH thought he might be getting the flu. I was like, "ohhh, poor baby! I hope you're not getting sick! ... but seriously, even if you are, we're going to have to have sex next week."
> 
> 
> ^^THIS is SOOO true. I can't believe that one of my first thoughts about my husband's impending surgery and possibly fatal disease was "Damn, no baby for me". I feel so incredibly selfish and ridiculous for this thought and it just goes to show how unfair it is to have to wait so long. It turns women into crazy people.Click to expand...

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. You're obviously really concerned about your husband's health. When you want something so deeply for so long, it's natural that you're going to be upset by any setbacks, no matter what they might be. You'll help nurse your DH back to health and be TTCing before you know it! This is just a bump in the road!

But I agree, this process absolutely does turn us into crazy people!!!! [My DH would say we were crazy to begin with, heh!]


----------



## aknqtpie

I am "unstable" lol


----------



## Carybear

Ok... Back from the doctor... It was both good and bad... He scheduled an ultrasound for the 25th of February... But didnt do one today. He did say that he was willing to work around the insurance issue with fertility and code things certain ways. He also said that he was willing to look into some options. So, it will all start with the ultrasound. I am 9dpo and the pregnancy test at the dr was negative... Maybe there is still hope for a BFP this month. 

Should I go ahead with the ultrasound my regular GP ordered. She coded it as for my thyroid so I know insurance will pay for both. What do you all think?


----------



## Topanga053

If insurance will cover both, I would do it with the specialist. Might as well do it with the person most qualified to give you the answers you want.


----------



## Carybear

Well, my GP coded it as having to do with my thyroid. The gyn is because of abnormal AF. My last two AFs have only been about two days long.

I'm thinking the insurance will pay for both because of the different codes.


----------



## Starry Night

I would always choose the specialist over the GP if offered the choice. If your insurance will cover both then it might be good to get two different perspectives. However, it might also make it extra confusing if they contradict one another.

Welcome, Hope. I don't want to be a downer but I also experienced very pregnant-like symptoms with my first full cycle of TTC at ovulation and at AF. But definitely not pregnant. It could very well be your bfp and you won't know unless you test but our bodies can play cruel jokes on us after a m/c and is absolutely heart wrenching. It's good to keep that at the back of your mind as you test.

AFM - af is ending so about 2 and a half weeks until I ovulate. I hate long cycles sometimes...


----------



## RedWylder

It's always about 2.5 weeks for me as well Starry! I hate how long it takes. It sounds like the clomid I'm going on next cycle is going to help jump start my ovulation and hopefully get things happening faster.


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck with the clomid. 

A little rant but I'm seeing bfp after bfp in all the other threads I'm participating in and am starting to get frustrated. I know I shouldn't because it's only been 1 full cycle of TTC after my latest m/c but it's still so hard when other girls get their bfps and I haven't even ovulated yet! Just impatient, I suppose.

I'll be taking my next hpt on March 12 provided AF doesn't show.


----------



## aknqtpie

Right with you Starry.. hopefully we are soon!


----------



## Topanga053

Just thinking the same thing, Starry! And I'm starting my 5th cycle post-miscarriage! I feel like one of the only ones left from when I started here! Oh well... I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end.


----------



## RedWylder

Good morning ladies. It's been quiet on this thread which I can only assume means that we're all trying to distract ourselves by doing normal every day things. How are you all feeling? I'm 4 dpo and there is such a slim chance I could be pregnant this month. Due to my hubby's surgery, the last time we BD'd was 4 days prior to ovulation. And while the timing was crap I still feel hopeful. Why do I even let myself feel this way?? Anyways- my chart is looking lovely-see below. My temps continue to get higher. The last time my chart looked similar was when I actually was pregnant so that's probably why I have hopeful feelings. 

Once I hit 7dpo I can go into the doc and have them do my progesterone level check. Darn you TWW!


----------



## aknqtpie

Good morning! I am 7dpo... I will probably start testing on tuesday... :-/ Probably early, but I am feeling hopeful!


----------



## RedWylder

A lot of people get faint bfps on 8dpo so not TOOOO early. ;) Good luck!


----------



## aknqtpie

I tested this afternoon .. :blush: ... I have to buy more tomorrow.. so I probably won't test again until Tuesday. Unless I make a spontaneous trip to the store tonight... :)


----------



## Carybear

Hi all... I have a stomach u/s scheduled for tomorrow... I can't eat all day, but hoping that I possibly get a few answers... I am 13 dpo and I have very sore BB's, twinges in my belly, and severe heartburn - which I never get... I actually had to take heartburn medicine last night... Hoping its a good sign...


----------



## aknqtpie

Carybear - I am having similar symptoms.. When are you testing?

Good luck tomorrow!


----------



## RedWylder

I hope you ladies get good news. But if you do, I hope I get to join you. I don't wanna be left behind :(. I'm such baby, lol. I just wish all my friends could get pregnant with me or I could get pregnant with them because it's so hard to relate to preggo people right now.


----------



## Carybear

I def understand Red... Sending :dust:

Aknqtpie... I was going to test on the 14th... Hoping that I don't chicken out... I am 14 dpo right now... So I guess we'll see

The heartburn is the worst! Today I woke up feeling a little nauseous... A bad thing since I can't eat all day because of the stomach us...


----------



## RedWylder

Ok I'm confused. I had crosshairs on the 21st but then continued to get a bit of EWCM after that date. Because of this FF moved my O date to the 23rd. I'm not sure what day to use for deciding when is 7-10 days post ovulation.

Which date do you think is most likely?


----------



## Carybear

I wish I could help red... Maybe you could take the 22 (the middle one).. I used OPK's for the first time this month and I seem to ovulate about five days after the surge of ewcm. I never realized it was that late!


----------



## RedWylder

UGH! I'm feeling depressed. Today, for whatever reason, I feel like quitting and giving up. It just feels like this cycle of trying is never going to end. I think it's because I'm in my tww and I know that I can't really be pregnant so I'm getting down like I normally do when AF comes. I'd say next month will be my month but that seems so far away.

End pity party. I hope you guys are feeling better than me. Cary any word on the u/s?


----------



## Starry Night

Red - I'm going to be hanging about for a bit. I don't even ovulate until the 26th so even if this is my lucky cycle I won't find out until the middle of March.


----------



## aknqtpie

Cary - How did the u/s go?? 

Red - I know hon.. the waiting is the worst part :( :hugs:


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> UGH! I'm feeling depressed. Today, for whatever reason, I feel like quitting and giving up. It just feels like this cycle of trying is never going to end. I think it's because I'm in my tww and I know that I can't really be pregnant so I'm getting down like I normally do when AF comes. I'd say next month will be my month but that seems so far away.
> 
> End pity party. I hope you guys are feeling better than me. Cary any word on the u/s?

I hope you're feeling better today hun. :hugs: The down days are the worst.

I was talking to a classmate of mine whose wife miscarried before she had their daughter. I was telling him how I felt the same way you did (i.e. discouraged, like it was just never going to happen for us and my whole life would be a cycle of TTC and miscarriage). His response really resonated with me: "Yes, of _course_ you feel that way. Right now, you're 0 for 1. You have a zero percent success rate, so it's only natural that you feel like it's never going to change. But it will."

It was nice to have someone validate my fears as subjectively normal, but still remind me that I only feel that way because of my prior experiences, not because that's actually going to *be* my future. 

I hope that makes sense!

Cary-- updates????


----------



## Carybear

Red - dont give up yet... People get pregnant at weird times and you never know... All the tests, websites, and advice can't really tell you exactly when you ovulated. I know it's hard.. I'm going on 2 1/2 years with one loss.. I was thinking that I'd be close to five months now. But... I was on thyroid medicine that is not great for a baby and now I'm off of it... So everything has its time.

So true Topanga! What has happened in the past is not ALWAYS going to happen...

AFM the us went ok yesterday.. I couldn't see anything, and she asked me what the dr thought it was... But that was it... She did a lot of picture taking... Said the dr would have the results in a couple of days..

I have a saline sonogram scheduled for the 25th. The drs way of looking at infertility without coding it that way for insurance. 

I still have so many symptoms. I woke up this morning feeling nauseous. As long as I am eating little bits, it seems to stay away for the most part. But, if I go without eating it gets pretty bad. I'm going to test either tomorrow or Thursday.


----------



## Topanga053

No news is usually good news, Cary! Glad to hear that it went fairly well. Definitely tell us when you learn the results!!


----------



## RedWylder

I'm anxious to hear what the doc says!

Topanga- thanks for sharing! I'm sure that is absolutely why we all feel like poo. We don't have a good track record.

So I'm feeling a tad better today, still not 100% though. Does anyone else have daydreams about being preggo and feeling their baby move? As I've been day dreaming lately, I've seemed to focus on that particular moment when you first feel your baby move. This is the part I look forward to the most. It must be such a weird-wonderful feeling. I found myself staring at my pregnant coworkers belly wondering if her baby was moving right then and thinking about that incredible bond they share. Sigh...our time will come.

^^This is one of those things I couldn't hope for my hubby to understand. He wants us to have a baby too but he wouldn't understand my longings. This is probably because he will never carry the baby.


----------



## Topanga053

Yes, I imagine all of the time what it must feel like to be pregnant and to feel your baby move. After all of this, I'm pretty sure I will burst out in tears the first time I finally get to feel that!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

It will be such a sweet sweet moment when that happens for us. It will be worth the wait and that much better because of it!


----------



## Starry Night

Topanga053 said:


> RedWylder said:
> 
> 
> UGH! I'm feeling depressed. Today, for whatever reason, I feel like quitting and giving up. It just feels like this cycle of trying is never going to end. I think it's because I'm in my tww and I know that I can't really be pregnant so I'm getting down like I normally do when AF comes. I'd say next month will be my month but that seems so far away.
> 
> End pity party. I hope you guys are feeling better than me. Cary any word on the u/s?
> 
> I hope you're feeling better today hun. :hugs: The down days are the worst.
> 
> I was talking to a classmate of mine whose wife miscarried before she had their daughter. I was telling him how I felt the same way you did (i.e. discouraged, like it was just never going to happen for us and my whole life would be a cycle of TTC and miscarriage). His response really resonated with me: "Yes, of _course_ you feel that way. Right now, you're 0 for 1. You have a zero percent success rate, so it's only natural that you feel like it's never going to change. But it will."
> 
> It was nice to have someone validate my fears as subjectively normal, but still remind me that I only feel that way because of my prior experiences, not because that's actually going to *be* my future.
> 
> I hope that makes sense!
> 
> Cary-- updates????Click to expand...

I had the same thing happen after my first miscarriage. Dh and I were speaking with his cousin's husband and he shared how he and dh's cousin had a miscarriage early in their marriage. He shared how his wife became severely depressed and they both felt they would never have kids.

"And look at us now. We have a mini-van full of them" (they have 3 kids). It was such a great thing to hear. We were still fresh in our grief and DH had just had his brother tell him we have to accept we might never have kids earlier that day. It really is such a validation of your feelings to know it's normal to feel like you're never going to get your turn and that it's OK to be very sad about what you lost.

We do have a kid now and I'm trying to hang on to that as hope for a growing family. My track record is still 1 for 3 with a lost twin to go with the one "victory" but I know I have had a baby. There seems to be no reason to suggest I won't again.

Speaking of which, last night I dreamed I was big and pregnant--about as big as I should be right now with my Sweet Pea. However, I knew it was my Rainbow inside of me. I felt (and saw!) the baby moving inside of me. It was one of the most realistic dreams I have had in a long, long time. Even when I started to wake up this morning I could still feel the movements. I had to shake myself fully awake for them to stop. In my dream I was terrified of losing it but the movements gave me hope.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> I had the same thing happen after my first miscarriage. Dh and I were speaking with his cousin's husband and he shared how he and dh's cousin had a miscarriage early in their marriage. He shared how his wife became severely depressed and they both felt they would never have kids.
> 
> "And look at us now. We have a mini-van full of them" (they have 3 kids).

Aww thank you for sharing, Starry! It is still *soooo* nice to hear that other people felt the exact same way I do now and ended up ok! It's also nice to have confirmation that it's normal to be severely depressed/anxious after a miscarriage. Even my friends who have had miscarriages have been very private about the emotional part of the experience and a lot of my closest friends have never had one and DH can't entirely relate to my grief/anxiety, so I often feel very lonely. I often feel like I'm the only woman who's still depressed/terrified months after a miscarriage. So nice to be reminded that's not the case! :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: I'm glad the story helped you.


----------



## Carybear

We will get there... Feeling our babies move... Holding them in our arms... We will love them so much more because of the hard work it took to get them.. We always appreciate more when we have to work hard.

How is everyone?

Still waiting for us results... Calling today.

POAS this morning and could barely see a line. Wouldn't show up in pics... Not much color so thinking could be an evap. Well test again in two days... Started feeling nauseous a couple of days ago... As long as I eat, I am fine... But sweet things make me feel sick...

Guess we'll see... My mom had a dream that I had delivered a little boy but he was big! She said he looked like he was already three months old. Funny thing is I have been having pregnancy symptoms since December 1st... Interesting huh?


----------



## RedWylder

Yay Cary! I hope you get your rainbow! I tested this morning at 8dpo and got a bfn. Like I've said before there is tiny tiny tiny chance that I could actually be preggo but I'm not expecting it.

I had my progesterone test yesterday so I'm waiting on hearing back from the doc about that.

Oh and thanks for sharing Starry! I know what you say is true. It's just so hard to think positive.


----------



## aknqtpie

Cary - Hope the doctor calls you soon!!! And yay for the line!! :) 

I decided not to test today, but am going to test tomorrow. I swear I feel pregnant, but I could just be one of those crazy women who makes up symptoms in her head...


----------



## Carybear

My seven day test was weird! The progesterone test she did was hydroxyprogesterone... It was like 220... According to the lab report, 220 is on the high end of not pregnant or the middle of first trimester numbers... Don't know if that really tells me anything.

The dr just said well.... Everything is normal.. She is a GP not an OBGYN


----------



## aknqtpie

Normal is good!!


----------



## Carybear

Dr called about the stomach ultrasound... Everything is normal... 

Now.. For a darker line tomorrow!

Happy testing and loads of baby dust to those who are testing soon...

Aknqtpie let me know how the testing went...


----------



## Carybear

Okay... Here is yesterday's test...


----------



## Carybear

And here is this mornings test.. Not sure why there is two single lines instead of one thick line... Will test again tomorrow.


----------



## RedWylder

Twins! lol

Ak? Did you test again?

AFM- BFN at 9dpo. Temps are still up but they were way higher when I was preggo last time.


----------



## Starry Night

I can kind of see the double lines on the second photo. That is definitely strange. I've never seen that before. I hope it still counts as a coming bfp.


----------



## aknqtpie

Okay so... story.. about my testing today.. 

So I took the test at 2am.. because I had to pee... Didn't see anything.. so after about 2 minutes, I decided to disassemble it because 1) I was feeling destructive at 2am and 2) I was curious if I could tell where the line was supposed to show up.. 

So at 5:30am.. when I got up for the day.. I looked in the trash (because who doesn't do that) .. and low and behold.. there was a pink line! 

So I am not sure if this was because I took it out of the casing.. or because it was outside of the time limit.. but I am taking a Clearblue one in about 2 hours (I have been holding it since 5:30 am.. it is now 8:30am.. So we will see what that one shows.


----------



## RedWylder

I'm of the feeling that if it's pink it's good whether it's outside the time limit or not. But that's because I like false hope which is better than depression any day. :D


----------



## Carybear

Aknqtpie lol... I'm impressed that you were awake enough to disassemble it..  I don't even want to know what I look like at 2 am when I walk to the bathroom to pee...

How was the test...

Red its still really early... Still FX'd for us all...


----------



## aknqtpie

I hate false hope.. but I am feeling so positive about this.. Ahhh... 1 hour and 40 minutes until I test.. 

And it was pink.. not gray... but I heard of this happenning to someone else too and it turned out to be a BFN.


----------



## Carybear

Aknqtpie everything is crossed


----------



## Carybear

Lol... I'm open to more than one... :thumbup:


----------



## aknqtpie

At this point.. I would take twins..lol


----------



## Left wonderin

aknqtpie said:


> I hate false hope.. but I am feeling so positive about this.. Ahhh... 1 hour and 40 minutes until I test..
> 
> And it was pink.. not gray... but I heard of this happenning to someone else too and it turned out to be a BFN.


ANK do you ever sleep lol.................. Fingers Crossed here for you


----------



## Starry Night

I think I would like twins. Then I can have 3 kids like I want but not have to do this crazy TTC journey again.


----------



## Carybear

I hear ya starry....


----------



## Carybear

Line was still faint this morning... Last time I didn't test positive until four days after my missed period.. So I'm going to give it a few days and try again... Good news though... I'm officially late for AF!!


----------



## RedWylder

Yay! I hope it really is true for you! My temps are still up. I don't see any of my usual spotting yet and my period is due tomorrow. If my temp doesn't drop tomorrow I'm going to be suspicious but wouldn't that be just great if I got pregnant the one time it was completely unrealistic for it to happen.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red Stranger things have happened !


----------



## aknqtpie

Forgot to update you ladies - clearblue test was BFN. I expect AF any time now, but I will test tues if she isn't here by then. 

Red - fx'd!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry about the bfn. Are you officially late now?

Red - it just takes one time. Hope this is it for you!

Cary - I hope the line gets darker!!

AFM - another week until my fertile window but I might start getting a bit more serious about TTC this week to get myself ready or in case it comes earlier.


----------



## Topanga053

AK- Sorry. :-(

Red- Keeping my fingers crossed!! Let us know!!

Afm, good news this week! DH's semen analysis came back normal, so that's one less thing to worry about! As my doctor put it, he has "PLENTY" (!!) of mobile sperm. Otherwise, I'm with Starry and waiting to O. My OPKs have been getting a little darker the last day or two. It's early for me (CD13 today and usually I O on CD22), but my doctor said that the clomid might cause me to ovulate a lot earlier than I'm used to. Really interested to see what happens!


----------



## aknqtpie

Not really. I only have had 2 complete cycles post bcp. The first was 31 the second was 27... I'm at cd28 today.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ah sorry AKN but until the witch arrvies your not out ! Even thinking of having to test makes me feel sick . God its only 1DPO and im worried about testing already . March 1st is D Day for me . No testing before that. 

Starry goodluck for this month :)


----------



## RedWylder

Hey ladies! I'm just about ready to call myself out. I tested today at 11dpo and bfn. Plus I started spotting. I can't say for sure until I get full red flow but I'm sure it will happen soon.


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs::hugs: Sorry, red. 

AFM - I woke up with brown spotting and now I'm confused as I'm only on CD18. :wacko: I shouldn't be ovulating for another week yet and so I'm worried that my body is still being stupid and I'm about to get a very early AF. So sick of this drama!!! :cry:

The one thing that gives me hope that it is ovulation is I was having some pinching pains yesterday but it kept switching sides. Of course, isn't that how fraternal twins are conceived? DS did lose a twin so it's happened to me before....

We've been dtd rather regularly so either way my bases are covered.


----------



## Topanga053

Ahh Starry, fingers crossed that it's just ovulation! It's so unfair how our bodies mess with us after a loss!


----------



## Starry Night

I'm starting to feel achey and bottom-heavy so am afraid it's the :witch: making an early and very unwelcome appearance. I'll know for sure by tomorrow.

To make matters worse, I was supposed to have a girls' day out today to go see Les Mis and now there is a blizzard so we can't go. It was my first real social outing in about a year and the movie won't be in theatres much longer. Just a really down day.:nope:


----------



## aknqtpie

:hugs: sorry Starry. I hate not knowing what my body is doing.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry Night said:


> I'm starting to feel achey and bottom-heavy so am afraid it's the :witch: making an early and very unwelcome appearance. I'll know for sure by tomorrow.
> 
> To make matters worse, I was supposed to have a girls' day out today to go see Les Mis and now there is a blizzard so we can't go. It was my first real social outing in about a year and the movie won't be in theatres much longer. Just a really down day.:nope:

Ahh I hope not! CD18 would be so unfair!! Definitely have my fingers crossed for you that they're just weird ovulation symptoms!

Hopefully you girls can re-schedule soon before it leaves theaters. Lots of :hugs: today. The down days are the worst.


----------



## Starry Night

Well, we've rescheduled for Wednesday. So far, the weather report looks good so hopefully we'll be OK.

My spotting is getting heavier and wetter so I think this will be a throwaway cycle. :(


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry sorry you missed your girls night out we all need them from time to time to keep us sane ! and its awful that your body is messing you about ! where are you living with all that snow !


----------



## Starry Night

I live in the Canadian prairies. This weather is typical but I usually have nowhere to go so I normally enjoy watching storms from the warmth of my living room. Ah well. We've rescheduled for Wednesday and the weather forecast looks clear.

And it's definitely AF. I'm just hoping it won't be as heavy as normal since the cycle was so short. It will be hard enjoying the movie if I have to run to the bathroom to change my tampon every 1 hour or so (I normally have very heavy flows)


----------



## aknqtpie

AF showed this AM :( 

Time to formulate my plan of attack for March.


----------



## RedWylder

Af showed for me today as well! Us Alaska chicks are starting to have the same cycle! I'm starting clomid this time around hoping to get my ovulation happening a little uicker. My progesterone and thyroid came back normal so we just got to time our biding right.


----------



## aknqtpie

Yay for Turkey babies!! Glad everything came back normal Red. Hopefully the Clomid does the trick!


----------



## alkalinerush

hey mamas...i'm joinin yall in hopes for a Turkey Rainbow baby!
Was hoping for our Halloween baby but miscarried on the 9th :( If we concieve this cycle baby will have a birthday VERY close to my DS's (and Christmas..ughh) but so worth it. 

I have a question...do yall take CD1 as the first day of bleeding/spotting from M/C or do you use the first day you stop the bleeding? Going by the first day on the bleed i'd be on CD11. Not using OPKs or anything but generic brand pre-seed to help so we'll see how this goes..just started charting too last month we just winged it. Anyone else have charts I can stalk?


----------



## aknqtpie

I can't answer because mine was complicated .. :-/


----------



## Starry Night

I think CD1 is the first day of actual bleeding.

I don't chart though. Just as well. My body is still throwing me curve balls. Went from a 39 day cycle to an 18. Yeesh. Speaking of which, I'm back to simple spotting but it's a dark and sludgy brown. And I'm still getting ovulation symptoms with one sided pinching and feeling as randy as I normally do during my fertile window...tmi, sorry! lol During AF my drive is usually very low. So yeah...very confused right now! I might try to BD just in case if DH is up for it.


----------



## Left wonderin

aknqtpie said:


> AF showed this AM :(
> 
> Time to formulate my plan of attack for March.

 :witch: Was in overdrive last night as AF arrived for me too . Im all messed up now and dont know if im coming or going with my cycle its regulated sort of back to 27-28 days but i didnt o/v till cd21 this cycle errrrrrrrrr. 

Anyway nothing for it but to go onwards and upwards and be hopeful for March . Think Ill test for o/v every day after cd5 just to be sure ;) Poor OH he is in for a tiring March lol. 

I have to tell you Girls it is so great to have your company along this journey as i really feel like im not alone in this :) 

ps my real name is Regina :)


----------



## aknqtpie

I love this forum too.. it is nice to have people to chat with. I am Michelle.


----------



## Left wonderin

aknqtpie said:


> I love this forum too.. it is nice to have people to chat with. I am Michelle.

Hi Michelle ,i feel like we are in a proper support group now ........ "Hi im Regina and I WANT A BABY ................... lol .


----------



## aknqtpie

Lol. My name is Michelle.. and I am addicted to POAS.


----------



## Starry Night

I'm feeling grumpy and pissy that it's taking so long for our bodies to regulate. I think I need to have a good cry tonight to get it out of my system. Hmmm...need to think which of my DVDs will bring on the tears...

I don't even know what kind of AF I'm having. It's just brown spotting and it's really only there when I wipe. I am finding some gook and old clots so it's more than just breakthrough or ovulation spotting.


----------



## alkalinerush

i agree with yall ladies...this really is a nice group <3
i'm Heather btw :)
feeling grumpy and "ehhh-y" as well....dunno what my brain wants tonight a cry sounds eh cuz i've had a good few days of cry moments and I wanna be in a better mood but dont have the drive to put myself in one :/ this group really helps tho <3


----------



## aknqtpie

Starry :hugs: I am sorry.


----------



## Topanga053

RedWylder said:


> Af showed for me today as well! Us Alaska chicks are starting to have the same cycle! I'm starting clomid this time around hoping to get my ovulation happening a little uicker. My progesterone and thyroid came back normal so we just got to time our biding right.

Sorry, Red. :nope: But excited to have another Clomid user in the group!!! I usually don't ovulate until around CD22. This is my first cycle on Clomid and I tested positive on CD16. Hugely exciting!! I'll need temps to confirm it (I usually test positive for 8-9 days on OPKs... it's crazy weird), but it's exciting as it's definitely earlier than normal! I can't wait to see how your cycles go!! Please let me know!!!!

And I agree, this is such a nice group! My name is Darcy... and I use the "thanks" button as a "like" button. (Seriously, how does B&B not have a like button!????)


----------



## aknqtpie

I thought the same thing about the like button.. I bet Facebook has a copyright on it.


----------



## RedWylder

Hello! I'm Laura and I'm a charting addict. I've charted since before we started trying and I can't stop. My body hasn't really done the same thing twice in 9 months so who knows what's going on. I'm starting to think that 10 years of birth control wasn't a good idea. I don't know if I'll ever go back.

I'm sorry to hear so many of us met the witch again this month. Cary?? Cary? Where's Cary? I've been waiting to hear if her lines got darker!

CD 2 for me. I have a pelvic exam with the doc tomorrow and then in 3 days I will start my journey with clomid. I'm a little nervous since they call it "crazy clomid" and my mood swings are bad enough without it.


----------



## Topanga053

Ahh don't worry Laura! I really didn't notice any changes in my mood on Clomid. I read that some women recommended taking it at night to reduce the side effects, which I did. I don't know if it mattered, but I didn't have any side effects, except for some ovulation pains later in my cycle!


----------



## Left wonderin

aknqtpie said:


> Lol. My name is Michelle.. and I am addicted to POAS.

lol............ you put the first smile on my face all day :)


----------



## Left wonderin

good evening everyone :))) Darcy I love you name it was on my list ! i really look forward to catching up with everyone each evening think im starting to develop another addiction !! well apart from ttc ! Starry im sorry you feel so crap today , hopefully tommrow will be a better day . Your AF sounds strange alright but mines is not as it usually is , much lighter and last night stopped altogether only to return today as brown blood then to turn red again grrrrrrrrrrr. 

anyway the exciting news is i calculated and we should all be due AF again around st Paddys day . WE ARE SORTED ill send us all the luck of the irish and we will all have stickey Leprachons :)))))))))) lol. 

Where is eveyone from ? Me Im from Dublin Ireland


----------



## RedWylder

<----Alaska


----------



## Starry Night

Canadian prairies. :)

I have to count what I'm going through as AF because I actually need tampons now but it's still nothing like an actual AF. I just hope it only lasts a week and not go longer. The cramps are quite painful this time around.


----------



## aknqtpie

I am also in Alaska, but about a 6-8 hour drive south of Red. 

Totally jealous that you live in Ireland.. would love to go there some day. I totally realized that this next cycle I will be testing on St. Patricks day. Is that something celebrated in Ireland, or another gimmicky holiday that Americans have commercialized? :)


----------



## Left wonderin

No definetly celebrated in Ireland :) it's a public holiday so no work yeah :)) had a bit of a crap day one of the girls who was 16 weeks ahead of me headed off on maternity leave . Felt like bursting into tears :( so not such a good day today . Funny how some things just hit you like a punch in the stomach !


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry Night said:


> Canadian prairies. :)
> 
> I have to count what I'm going through as AF because I actually need tampons now but it's still nothing like an actual AF. I just hope it only lasts a week and not go longer. The cramps are quite painful this time around.

Sounds a bit like mine , very light not like usual period but enough to have to use protection ..... Weird


----------



## Starry Night

Well, AF hit hard early this morning. I was dreaming about bloody murder scenes and brutal gore. All I can say is it was coming from a very real place. I passed a HUGE clot..the size of 2 or 3 quarters. Where did that come from??? Fortunately, that little gush only lasted a few hours. The flow is still heavy but manageable. There are some cycles where I spend on a whole day just lying on the couch because I feel so weak from blood loss.

I'm hoping I've passed what I needed to pass and my cycles can go back to normal. It's been almost 4 months since my m/c and I'm getting really sick of it all. And I can only really moan here because in all the other threads I'm in there are a lot of preggo ladies and they keep telling me to cheer up, already forgetting what it's like to be in this position. I am not depressed or anything, but I'm allowed to feel mad and sad and I thought that's what this place is for. /rant

On a brighter note: picking up my parents from the airport tonight. Looking forward to having a few days with them.


----------



## aknqtpie

Starry - Have you had any more U/S's to make sure that everything looked okay?


----------



## Starry Night

I had an internal u/s about 6 weeks after the loss and they couldn't find anything (this was after I had a big bleed and needed to call 911). I normally do have heavy AFs but for a few hours there that was a bit much, even for me. However, I had this problem after DS was born too. It took about 4 or 5 AFs for the flow to become less heavy. I'm more shocked that it was so heavy after only 18 days.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Starry , im kinda freaked out by AF think it brings me right back to m/c and the whole process . Im almost afraid what will come out . That might sound stuipid but its how i feel . It must have been traumatic to pass such a clot . I had a shit day and feeling quite low . The girl in work who was four months ahead of me headed off on her maternity leave. It broght back all that I should be expereincing and all I feel robbed of . 

Its so hard to stay positive some days , this is one of those . Im sure tommrow will be a better day :) Also AF who arrived is messing about she is there but keeps stopping and starting ....... wish she would just come , do her thing and go away again errrrrrrrrrrrr


----------



## aknqtpie

Mine was heavy for two days, and then turned into spotting today. Was gone for like 3 hours this morning.


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies, a moderately rough night for me. DH and I are in Florida on vacation (we're from Maine!) and visiting his grandmother. I got some pregnancy news from a friend in the car and then a few minutes later his grandmother asked ALL about my friend with triplets... the one who got pregnant the same week as me. I've been doing so well, but tonight has been a little tough, especially since I thought I had escaped baby stuff for a little while!!

And, unfortunately, St. Paddy's day doesn't cheer me up... my angel was due on St. Paddy's Day. :cry: DH and I are both 50% Irish and my mom is 100% Irish, so all of our families thought it was PERFECT! So sad that wont be the case anymore. :cry:


----------



## RedWylder

Ooooh the AF drama that's hitting us all! Mine is seemingly a normal period but my miscarriage was a while ago and my body has started to correct itself. I had my cervix and pelvis checked today at the doc and all seems good to go. Do said try clomid for 3 months and if I don't get preggo come back in. I hope this means I'm getting closer to my BFP.


----------



## aknqtpie

Topanga - Sorry you are having a rough night. I hope you can go enjoy the warm(er) weather and relax for a bit. 

Red - Good news about the Clomid. I am hoping it works for you!


----------



## anchor08

Hi ladies, I was on this thread back in January but somehow lost track of it...would love to join in again. Like some of you have said, the bfps and peppiness on some of the other threads can be discouraging! I haven't been at this for very long (TTC since August, BFP in November, m/c in Jan.), but it's still really hard every day. 

I'm right around O time now (won't know for sure for a few days), and I had a moment last night that I know only this group would understand. Right after dtd I was lying with my legs up (I know that probably doesn't do anything, but why not) and I suddenly felt so angry. Before the m/c all of this was fun and exciting. We were "trying", but it was more like just bd a lot for a few days and hoping for a bfp, which we both enjoyed. Now it's completely different. I can't even say exactly how, but I think you all know. I feel like one of the best aspects of my life has been wrecked, and I suspect I could change my attitude somewhat but I don't know how. I'm trying to think positively and focus on other things in my life, and most of the time I can, but when we're actually in that moment it really sucks.

</rant> Thanks for hearing me out.


----------



## aknqtpie

I agree Anchor. Last cycle was my first trying after the m/c .. I do feel better this cycle, like that first cycle pressure lifted. Going to try and relax more and have fun. 

Remember orgasms increase the chance of getting prego, so its important


----------



## RedWylder

Hi Anchor, we can definitely relate here. I'm doing better now but my right after my miscarriage I had moments of extreme bitterness and anger. It took a long time for me to feel hopeful again.


----------



## anchor08

Thanks for your replies, just being able to talk about it with someone helps! I'll get there, but I'll also have difficult days for a while and I guess that's okay.


----------



## aknqtpie

Yeah, like any type of loss, we will have our good days and bad days. :)


----------



## Starry Night

Hi anchor! Your post sounds so familiar. It really sucks to be in this place. I really wish I could forget about TTC sometimes but it's necessary if I want to give DS a little brother or sister. Overall my life is very good and happy but it's this one area that has me grinding my teeth and feel a little rotten in the pit of my stomach. It taints the rest of my happiness. And with my previous losses I know that even getting my bfp will only be a momentary cure. I'll be a paranoid, obsessive wreck the entire 9 months. That alone makes me mad.

Topanga - aw, sorry you had to hear all that pregnant talk. I'm already feeling oppressed by my angel's May due date so I can imagine how much harder you're feeling that coming day. With my first loss I found the day was not as hard as I feared it would be. It was still tough but manageable. I gave myself a good amount of time to cry and commemorate my Lil Peanut. For the rest, I just distracted myself as much as possible.

AFM - My AF is soooooo heavy I can hardly handle it. It's definitely like the AFs I had after my son was born but that was a full-term pregnancy. My 12 week pregnancy (where the baby never grew past 6 weeks) ended 4 months ago. Yet, for the past 2 days, I've been bleeding through tampons every 1 hour or so and even soaking the pad I wear as back-up. It's horrid! I'm actually not feeling too badly so I'm not worrying about it. It's just upsetting to see it. I hope it eases soon.


----------



## Topanga053

Thank you, Starry! :hugs: it's so nice to feel understood!

Anchor, I completely hear you on that. TTC before our loss was so fun and exciting. It was a lot of sex, filled with the hope and excitement of new beginnings. 

It IS sad to have those old feelings of excitement and hope replaced with feelings of frustration (why am I TTC at all when I should be pregnant??) and fear (why aren't I pregnant yet?? What if I DO get pregnant and lose the baby again?).

There is NO doubt that a loss removes a lot of the fun and innocence to TTC. It's so unfair. But I do try to focus on the few moments when it does feel really exciting and fun again (it took me several months to even have one of those!). 

Hope you feel better soon!


----------



## RedWylder

Starry im thinking you might start considering going to the doc. Is it possible youre having another miscarriage? I hate even to suggest that by your bleeding just sounds so much like what my friend described with her second consecutive mc. It had happened something like 18 days after her period too. Anyways i hope thats not the case but i do think if you continue to bleed like this you should get checked out.


----------



## anchor08

Thanks Topanga and everyone else, it helps a lot that other people understand. It was a difficult moment, but the moment passed, and things have been better the last few days. I'm a pretty emotional person anyway, so probably prone to dramatic swings in stuff like this where I care a lot. Got a big temp shift today, so hopefully crosshairs coming soon!


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, Red, for your concern but the same thing happened after my DS was born and we were preventing pregnancy. I have always had heavy cycles and after my two last pregnancies they have been heavier. I also took a hpt when I was lightly spotting (I was thinking the same thing as you) and it was very, very negative. And I took a hpt just before my previous AF and that was also negative. I don't see how I could have conceived a pregnancy when I only had 11 days between bleeds (and we don't DTD while bleeding or spotting).

Throughout my youth my hormones were all out of balanced and didn't straighten out until my mid twenties. It doesn't take much to get them out of whack again so I chalk it up to that.

My bleeding has slowed to a light flow so it should be done in a few days.


----------



## Topanga053

Sorry Starry, that really sucks. Glad it's slowing down now. Hopefully that's all your body needed to regulate itself and next cycle will be normal! Definitely keeping my fingers crossed for you!!

Afm, first cycle on Clomid definitely caused me to ovulate earlier (Cd16 instead of the usual Cd22), but I'm still getting a lot of + OPKs. I don't think I can easily link my chart here because I'm on my phone, but it's weird. Today was my 5-6th day of +OPKs (depending on if I count the first questionable test as + or not), but I had a huge temp spike 6 days ago.

Cd16- 96.3, lots of EWCM, +
Cd17- 96.8, +
Cd18- 96.8, +
Cd19- 97.4, +
cd20- 97.4, +
Cd21 (today)- 97.5, +

Really?!? Why do I always keep testing positive, even after a HUGE temp spike??? There's no way I'm still fertile, right?? I'm on vacation, so I can't get a blood draw to confirm ovulation. This is what my chart looked like last month too and I did, in fact, O. Last month I kept getting + well after O too. Isn't that bizarre??? And even on Clomid??


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga, I wouldn't worry. I'm sure that it's just leftover lutenizing hormone. I'm on my 3rd day of clomid myself and I'm curious to see if it makes me ovulate sooner. I normally ovulate between 21 and 23 days too. It will be such a relief to speed up my cycles. I feel like the 3 week wait to ovulate just makes everything that much longer and frustrating.


----------



## aknqtpie

Topanga.. are you entering your temps and stuff into fertility friend? I would be interested to see what/when it shows you ovulating with the temp spike.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hello everyone , was away for the weekend at a hen weekend , was good fun but there was a girl there who was due the say day I was !! I'm sure she thought I was weird but couldn't stop looking at her bump imaging what mine would have been like :( 

Anyway I missed catching up with everyone here . Sounds like everyone is having a bit of a rough time of it . Topang I'm sorry about Paddy's day , that was insensitive of me but I didn't realise . I'll remember you and your baby on the day and light a candle for you both. 

Me I'm on CD 8 and still spotting from AF . Not the norm for me but can't do anything but see what my body will do next . Will return to poas tomorrow morning , don't want to miss the surge this cycle ! 

Love to all of you xx


----------



## Topanga053

No worries, Left!!! I know you didn't know!! I just wanted to put it out there so you ladies knew why I wasn't more excited about it. You brought tears to my eyes offering to light a candle. It's so amazing to think that someone else cares about my baby. :hugs:

I'm so glad that you had a good weekend and I hope the spotting stops soon!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

My sister brought me back the "light of Bethlehem" a candle lit by a candle in the place of the birth of Jesus , I'll light it especially for your little angel on St Patricks day , ( reminder already in the phone ! ) 

Your little Leprechaun will be remembered here on their special day xxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Oh that is soo sweet! I'm so happy that to pangs little green fella will be remembered.


----------



## Starry Night

Left - glad you had a good weekend. I would have stared at the bump too. And I think it's sweet about the candle.


----------



## Left wonderin

Help needed :) ok what do you all think . Really need your help . Right 1st Af after m/c after 31 days post dnc . Used o/v kit from cd 10 didn't detect surge till cd 21 and Af showed on cd 27 . Now on new cycle on cd 9 and got positive o/v test on digital clear blue . Have cramping too so could I be o/v this soon after Af ?


----------



## aknqtpie

Left wonderin said:


> Help needed :) ok what do you all think . Really need your help . Right 1st Af after m/c after 31 days post dnc . Used o/v kit from cd 10 didn't detect surge till cd 21 and Af showed on cd 27 . Now on new cycle on cd 9 and got positive o/v test on digital clear blue . Have cramping too so could I be o/v this soon after Af ?

I think it is possible. Are you temping as well? Might be a good way to make sure it isn't a fake surge. I have heard that cycles are unpredictable after m/c .. I am starting to OPK tonight.. and I am at CD8. Also starting SMEP tonight.


----------



## Left wonderin

SMEP ??? I'm still learning lol........ And bloody OH out cold on the couch , no b'ding for me tonight lol. Early morning for me so ;)


----------



## Topanga053

left, you have no idea how much that means to me, thank you!!! :hug:

As far as SMEP, it's the Sperm Meets Egg Plan. You can google it for more details, but basically you start having sex every other day on CD8 and using OPKs every day starting on CD10 until you get a surge. Then you have sex for three days in a row. 

DH and I have been using it faithfully for the last 4 cycles with no luck, but it's supposed to greatly increase your odds of getting pregnant


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks :) to be honest my head is fried with all this over thinking, watching and waiting . The unexpected just keeps happening ! O/v when not supposed to AF turning up when not expected and now a smiley face on cd 9 following a absent Tww cause my Af showed up 6 days after o/v ! Was going to wake up hubby but think ill let him sleep . I'm not sure where my cycles are at so ill take a chance and leave him off tonight . Will o/v test before bed and again in the morning to see what happens........ Might even take a pregnancy test , theses days ya never know what unexpected thing might show up lol............. 

Ya have to laugh or seriously think I'd cry :)


----------



## aknqtpie

Wake his butt up!!! (I would :)) I highly doubt he will care that much :) 

Honestly, when I got my BFP.. we just did the lots of sex method lol.


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol.... No waking him up last night but this morning was another story ! Even though I got a - o/v test this am . Think I'm just going to try every other day from tommrow cd11 to cd 16 and still test every day till Af arrives next :) 

Hope everyone having a good night


----------



## RedWylder

Soooo I'm on CD 11 and it's I've finished taking my clomid for this cycle. What's really interesting is that my CM already looks like it's gearing up for Ovulation which normally doesn't happen for another week!! Im hoping this means that my cycles will be a tad quicker and more normal! As for the "crazy clomid" I was definitely moody but I was also low on sleep so who knows if I was moody because of Clomid or because of that...

On another note I had my first almost meltdown in a while. I went to the store to pick up some baby shower gifts and I was looking at cards; one of them started with the words "She started as a dream in your heart...now she's a gift in your arms". I'm not sure what it was about this card but I nearly broke down and bawled right in the middle of the aisle. I kept it together though because people were around but it's funny how baby longing can hit you so suddenly. 

I hope you are all doing well. Has anyone heard from Cary?


----------



## Left wonderin

No , hope she is ok though. I agree red it is funny how you can be caught by unexpected things that made you feel lousy . Hope you feeling ok xx


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Sorry, red. It is hard to find out what our triggers are until we stumble on them. I think that card would set me off too. Not all our dreams come to pass. :cry: I still run past the maternity shop in the mall. I must look like a nut suddenly rushing off like that but I can't do it yet especially as I would be in desperate need of maternity wear at this point. It will be easier once I'm past the due date. Then the baby stuff will hurt. Right now it's the pregnant stuff. 

I'm glad that the Clomid seems to be doing its job. Hope it gets you your sticky rainbow!

I've also been thinking of Cary. Hope she's OK.


----------



## aknqtpie

i was just thinking about cary as well..

red - looks like we are both entering our fertile period at the same time!


----------



## Left wonderin

Ank and Red that makes three of us :) although I am now getting smiley faces on CB every other day since CD9 ! Day on day off lol . So I'm either going to end up with quads or I'm constantly o/v lol... Anyway when smiley turns up I'm b'ding :) taking CD 14 as 1DPO , guessing my cycle is gone back to 28 days . 

I hope I at least et my Tww this month as was cheated out of it last month lol........ 

So what is everyone up to this weekend ? Me I'm house cleaning and grocery shopping , very exciting lol.....


----------



## aknqtpie

Left - Are you temping as well??


----------



## Left wonderin

Have not been but bought a digital thomometer today so guess I am from tommrow lol. Have to read up on it and charting :)


----------



## aknqtpie

I would wait until your new cycle starts (if it does). Because if you did O already, the thermometer won't tell you much. 

Go to fertility friend (click on my graph) and sign up. (I get free VIP days when people sign up through me.. hehe). They have lots of information on how to do it.

Also.. you said you got a digital thermometer.. is it a Basal Thermometer???


----------



## Left wonderin

Mmm I'll check but not sure ?? I'm guessing there is a difference ? Lol.. Back to the chemist with me so lol. Do they sell basal them in chemists ?


----------



## aknqtpie

They should. I got mine at the store. They are where all the prego tests


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks just started my chart now but entered wrong date for last Af can't see where to edit it !!!


----------



## Starry Night

I think I'm going to be NTNP for the next cycle or two or until it becomes clear things have settled. It's frustrating to try and track cycles when your body still mimics preggo signs, spots randomly and gives you surprise AFs. Right now winging it will hopefully make me feel more flexible and relaxed.


----------



## anchor08

Left wonderin said:


> Thanks just started my chart now but entered wrong date for last Af can't see where to edit it !!!

Just above your chart on the right side is a button labelled "cycle list". Click on that, then there's a bunch of buttons at the top. Click on "change start date", ignore all the warnings, and you should be good to go!


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks :) Starry I'm kinda doing that this cycle but its hard not to poas lol especially that there there ! Would like to try figure out when I'm o/v though given that I'm getting smiley faces every other day !! My ovaries must be firing eggs out lol........


----------



## Starry Night

I am picturing ovaries firing out eggs like a canon and it's making me giggle. lol :)

I'll definitely poas when I think I might possibly be pregnant but I will try to withhold even then until I'm on about CD40. That seems to be my average cycle length. After that, i will probably poas once a week until AF shows or I get my bfp.


----------



## U_mommy

Hi everyone 

We're trying to get pregnant again after a mc in November. My cycle is NOT regular and I'm currently being driven crazy by being 2 weeks late no period in sight and not pregnant. We've been trying since July and I've only ovulated twice. I'm doing the strips as its the only chance I have to know when I might ovulate. I get my period ever 45-57 days crazy huh? 

I don't even know what to do about my crazy period, I don't want to go back to the OB until I'm 6 weeks pregnant because of my last two experiences.


----------



## aknqtpie

Welcome U! Sorry for your loss. I hope you get your BFP soon!!!


I got a +OPK tonight :) Yay! Should O on Monday.


----------



## Starry Night

Welcome, U! I also had a m/c in November. It's so hard to wait and wait for our rainbows. :( My cycles are also irregular. I'm just coming off an 18 day cycle when mine are normally in the 40 day range. It makes it tough and I often wonder if I'm even fertile when they're this crazy. Though I guess my 3 previous bfps say otherwise. I conceived my son on a 70 day cycle so there is hope for you too! Keep testing once a week and keep on BD'ing. That's my only real advice when your cycles are so long.

AFM - got one-sided pinching pain last night and it really felt like ov pain so we BD'd (didn't tell hubby my suspicions though). I'm only on CD12 to 15 and I only had watery cm which can be fertile but not as good as ewcm so I don't know what is really going on. I'm trying to NTNP this cycle but whenever I think I'm ov'ing I will put in a good effort! lol


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry and ank we seem to be on the same type of cycle . Here is to the Tww :)) at least we will have company . Wouldn't it be great if at least one of us gets a BFP but here is hoping and praying we all do xxxxxxxx 

I'll be expecting AF on the 17th , counting from CD1 from last cycle as I'm not too sure when I o/v or if I have as so many bloody smiley faces . Creepy little buggers lol.......


----------



## Starry Night

I hope I'm ovulating. :) I feel ready for my rainbow. lol


----------



## aknqtpie

I plan on testing the 17th, but might test earlier depending how I feel. I think I will see a temp spike tomorrow or monday.


----------



## Starry Night

Got some ewcm tonight. I did my TTC duty. ;) Now I just hope my body doesn't pull any more stunts on me. I may still wait close to 40 days to take a hpt just in case these symptoms were a false alarm. My body has been tricking me a lot since the m/c.


----------



## RedWylder

Wow I think we're all near the same part of our cycles. I'm getting ewcm and I think I might O any day but I'm really not sure since this is my first cycle on clomid. 

Starry- I thought you just got off a 18 days cycle but now you think you're ovulating? Sheesh your cycles are confusing, eh?

Good luck and happy baby making to all!


----------



## Starry Night

I certainly hope I'm ov'ing. I am on CD15 so it would make sense for a normal person. lol I was getting some of my typical ov symptoms when my surprise AF showed last time. Really, really hope I'm not getting another 18 day cycle. One is more than enough. Had 3 of those after my first m/c.

If we are all ov'ing at the same time I really hope we all get our bfps so no one is left behind.


----------



## Starry Night

You know, just in case I do get another 18 day cycle I better go and stock up on tampons and pads tomorrow. I bled a lot last time so I'm gonna need fresh supplies. I was caught unprepared last time.


----------



## aknqtpie

Starry - hopefully it is like insurance.. If you have it, you won't need it. 

Looks like I Od yesterday. Had a huge temp spike. Will keep BDing just in case


----------



## RedWylder

:dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: 

FOR ALL OF MY OVULATING LADIES!!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Right thinking I o/v yesterday as has two days of cramping and a bit of back ache which I always get. So I am officially in my Tww today , well think I am of I'm not further along and ignoring my first three smiley faces lol.....heaps and heaps of :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust: to us all :))))))) I've a good feeling for us all xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I'm really hoping for a wave of bfps in this thread!


----------



## Left wonderin

Me too :))) starry me too :)))))


----------



## Starry Night

I'm getting nervous that I'm going to have another 18 day cycle. It's day 16 and I'm starting to get tight cramps and achey boobs. I got my usual ov signs just a day or two before my latest AF started so my recent signs don't encourage me much.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well if its any comfort to you I've been crampy on and off since I've gotten my smiley faces so maybe it's ovulation cramping ? You will be glad when CD 19 arrives . Last month I o/v test+ and bloody AF showed up 4 days later !!! Cheated out of my TWW  so here is hoping for both of us that we get a 28 day cycle fxd


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, I hope your body doesn't do that to you again!!!

Afm, after my temp went down at 10dpo, it rose again the last two days and I've been feeling like MAYBE I was pregnant. I don't know when to expect AF since this is my first Clomid cycle, but normally she'd be due today and absolutely no sign of her.

Anyway, bfn. :-(


----------



## Starry Night

Arg, that really sucks, Topanga. :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Awe good luck Topanga, i hope it works out for you.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga hope your not to sad :( but as they say tis not over till the fat lady sings or in our case the evil witch turns up ! Lots of hugs regardless xxxx


----------



## Topanga053

I was actually fairly ok about the BFN. What really knocked me out last night was talking to my friend with triplets right afterwards and THEN right after THAT conversation my friend who just had a baby called to tell me all about it. Three strikes was way too much! I definitely had an awful, awful breakdown last night. Trying to pull myself back together this morning. Lord, how exhausting this whole process is! So tired of always pulling myself back together!


----------



## aknqtpie

:hugs: topanga!!!


----------



## anchor08

Yes, lots of hugs! Thinking of you. I'm on 10dpo, feeling some mild "maybe" symptoms but trying not to pay too much attention for a few more days.


----------



## aknqtpie

Anchor - your chart is looking good. When will you test??


----------



## rayraykay

Hello ladies-

I am also trying to get back into the groove of TTC and trying to stay as positive as possible while doing so. (Which is proving to be difficult sometimes....) I have been taking prenatals since January after a miscarriage in November. I have OPK kits... what other tips does anyone have? What about rainbow baby stories? Man I feel desperate sometimes.

Baby dust to all xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

Hi! Sorry I've been gone so long... I still need to go back and read to get caught up.

Well, over the past couple of weeks we moved into a new house, work has been insanely busy and I've taken over the children's ministry at my church.

I never did take another hpt as I started with a terrible back ache on Saturday (February 16) and AF caught me on Sunday. It was very heavy the first day, and then got lighter and lasted a total of three days. Very unusual for me...

I had a saline sonogram last Monday and they were able to see that everything is working good. Apparently I have follicles maturing in both ovaries and my lining was nice and thick. I'm praying that this is my month.... We are doing the method we did when I first got pregnant: every night . DH is not complaining 

Hope everyone is doing great!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary! It's good to hear from you. I'm glad that your body seems to be working as it should. Really hope this is your month!

Welcome, Rayraykay! :flower: I'm so sorry for your loss and I understand about the desperation. It's so tough to stay positive. I struggle with that nearly everyday. I'm NTNP right now so no actual TTC tips but I do have a rainbow story. My first pregnancy ended in a loss and I conceived my son 5 months afterwards. It felt like the longest 5 months in my life. My cycles hadn't gone back to normal yet so I was spending a small fortune on hpts before I got my bfp. It was a very rough pregnancy and I lost a twin but my son is now a happy and healthy 20 month old. I've since had another loss so am hoping I am blessed with a second rainbow.

AFM - am really getting scared I'm going to get another 18 day cycle. My cramps are increasing and I'm getting a backache. My last AF lasted 10 days so that means it has only been 8 days since I stopped bleeding. Don't know if my body can handle it. I'm crossing my fingers so hard I think they will snap.


----------



## aknqtpie

:hugs: Starry - Hopefully it is just O craps. 

Cary - Welcome back!!!! 

AFM - Looks like I am in my TWW. Hopefully i get my crosshairs tomorrow :)


----------



## RedWylder

Welcome RayRay! I miscarried in November after my first BFP ever. It was so tragic to me since I had wanted that BfP sooo bad but I finally recovered enough to realize that I'm in it for the long run and I know we'll all get our rainbows eventually.

Cary! PHew! I'm so glad you made it back to let us know you're ok! The last we heard, your belly was getting bigger for no reason at all and the tests were inconclusive. I was afraid something bad happened! Glad to hear it was just you keeping busy. I hope the move and everything else helped you keep your mind off of all of this for a while.

Starry! I really really hope it's not a period! Gosh darn your body (I'll be mad at it for you) :).

Ak! I hope you made a baby and it will be a sticky one.

AFM: Hmphf...still haven't ovulated. I'm on CD15 and I was sure that I'd ovulate on day 14 like I'm supposed to (according to the average female O time) but my CM isn't very eggy and my temps are going down. I'm still hoping this means O is close because I'm so sick of waiting til day 23 for O. Grrr. Hubby and I have been doing good with BDing but I don't know if we can keep it up for 8 more days. It seems we always do good at the beginning of the cycle and then we get worn out just about the time I actually O. Remind me why getting pregnant is so hard?


----------



## RedWylder

aknqtpie said:


> :hugs: Starry - Hopefully it is just O craps.


^^ She said craps... Bwahahahahaha.


----------



## Topanga053

Welcome Rayray! 

Cary, so glad everything is going well!! That's fantastic news about your sonogram results!!! Like Red, I was really worried that something was wrong when we didn't hear from you!! :nope: So glad that's not the case!

Starry, I second Red! I'll be mad at your body too! That would be so horribly unfair! I'm praying for you with all of my might!!!

Red, I used to O on CD21-22 and the Clomid made me ovulate on CD16, so I bet you're right about to! The temp drop is a really good sign too! And I have no idea why getting pregnant is so hard! Really, you'd think it would be much, much easier. God's idea of population control, maybe??

Afm, 13dpo today and still no sign of AF. After yesterday's BFN, I'm waiting it out a little bit to see what happens. It's hard not to get excited when another day passes without AF, but even if it comes, it's nice to know that the Clomid is extending my luteal phase!! In the past, my LP has never been longer than 12 days, so we're already going good! Hopefully that will help us get a sticky bean soon, even if it's not this month.

I've been toying with the idea of NTNP for a couple of months just to give myself a mental break, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea to interrupt the Clomid treatment. And if I'm going to use Clomid, I really do neeed to be temping, getting progesterone tests, and timing BD properly, otherwise there's not much point to taking the meds! I'm still thinking it over. As much as I want a BFP, I think it would be really nice to have a couple of months where sex is just fun again!!


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga053 said:


> but even if it comes, it's nice to know that the Clomid is extending my luteal phase!! In the past, my LP has never been longer than 12 days, so we're already going good!

Our pre clomid cycles sound so similar! My luteal phase was short (around 10-11 days) which is why I went to the doc and started clomid in the first place. I do hope you're preggo but small triumphs are good too. :)


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you for all the warm welcomes! I am so glad I found this site, I was feeling alone for so long. I am hoping I get my BFP this month, and I hope for everyone here if they want it this month it comes to you too! I believeeee in rainbows!


----------



## Topanga053

Awww I'm so sorry, Rayray. :hugs: I've felt alone throughout most of this process, so I know how hurtful that is. This board has really been a lifesaver, to have so many women going through the exact same thing. I hope it brings you some comfort! So glad you found us! :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Welcome ray :) I'm Regina , I'm now on 3 DPO on my second cycle follwing m/c . Hi everyone else and welcome back Cary we missed you . Moving house is very stressful so glad it's over for you. 

Read something on another thread which I loved so said I share here . A lady with a great positive outlook trying for quite a while buys a good bottle of red each month in anticipation of AF arriving and when she does shares the bottle with her lol..... Even in all the disappointment a silver lining ...... A nice glass of red lol . Love it .


----------



## anchor08

aknqtpie said:


> Anchor - your chart is looking good. When will you test??

Probably Sunday, which would be 15dpo. It will be hard to wait, but hopefully I'll do okay. Last cycle I got to a point where I was distracted all day wondering, so I tested, and was glad I did even though it was BFN, so we'll see if that happens again. :)



rayraykay said:


> Hello ladies-
> 
> I am also trying to get back into the groove of TTC and trying to stay as positive as possible while doing so.

That's my only tip -- try to stay positive, and being on these forums helps me!



Carybear said:


> Hi! Sorry I've been gone so long...

So glad to hear from you again and that you're doing well physically. Kids' ministry is a huge job, hope you're enjoying it! I've also started doing more at church in the last few weeks and it's a great distraction and a great way to move forward in something positive, not just going back to my old routine and feeling the void.


----------



## aknqtpie

Welcome Rayray! 

Oops... Starry - I hope you don't have O Craps.. and have O Cramps! :) lol... Damn typos :)

Anchor - Can't wait till Sunday!


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor we will all be stalking on Sunday , ready with big congrats if BFP and big hugs if bfn :) fx,d it's the BFP xx 

Akn how are things with you ? What DPO are you ? 

Starry how you getting on any update , hope AF didn't show up ! 

Hi Topanga , ray ray and everyone else . Me I'm 3DPO and nothing strange to report :) well the odd twinge but think their imagined :)


----------



## aknqtpie

According to FF, I am 3dpo.. but I had a huge temp spike this morning which leads me to believe I am only 1dpo... Who knows. I will be testing on either the 16th or 17th (haven't decided yet.. DH comes home the night of the 16th, so I can surprise him if a BFP).. I will be 11/13dpo on the 16th or 12/14dpo on the 17th.. so I think either way I will know for sure whether or not I am pg or not. 

I was kind of panicking earlier because I BD'd Sunday afternoon.. and if I O'd sunday, then I was good to go as far as BDing.. but if I BD'd sometime on Tuesday, it had been 2 days since I BD'd/... but I talked to a couple ladies who said they BD'd 2 days before they O'd and not any sooner, and got BFPs... SO .. not as worried. Oh well.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well if it helps on my last pregnancy I bd only two days before o/v and got BFP . I've also read that b'ding before o/v is preferable as the spearmy is there waiting for the egg so your timing is spot on regardless :))


----------



## Topanga053

I heard the same. I also read that it actually reduces your risk of miscarriage because it reduces the chance that the sperm will fertilize the egg towards the end of its life, when it's starting to disintegrate.


----------



## Left wonderin

Wow a new fact , it also makes perfect sense !


----------



## Carybear

Welcome Rayray...

Nothing new to report... My stomach has gone down, though it is still bigger than it was... I started a diet with shakes, and I think they caused a lot of bloat... Maybe that's it... Still have big blue veins in BB's... Not sure why...

I'm on cd 18 right now... And extremely tired...but I'm pretty sure that is just the workload I am under right now... I teach full time and I'm heading up a full time ministry... I went to bed at 7:45 last night and got up at 5:30 this morning... Three hours later I was exhausted again...

Just waiting and praying for a BFP this month


----------



## Starry Night

Bloat can really affect stomach size. Mine gets big and round when I drink too much pop.

I have the stomach flu so I'm really hoping that's where all my cramps and aches and pains have come from. No sign of AF right now.


----------



## aknqtpie

Glad no sign of AF! Hopefully she stays away!!!


----------



## Starry Night

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually want to go through my tww! I got another day of ewcm just two days ago so that makes me think my body was at least trying to ov.


----------



## aknqtpie

Woohoo!!! :)


----------



## Starry Night

I have a hard time trusting it because the last time I had a cycle under 30 days where I actually ovulated was 2010. LOL I'd keep BD'ing just in case but both DH and I are sick.


----------



## Left wonderin

Morning everyone :) 

Starry , delighted no sign of AF but not glad you have a tummy flu , feel better soon 

Ank , WElcome to 4 DPO ..lol 

Cary , have you o/v yet or still waiting ?


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies, just checking in to let you know that AF just arrived. On to my 6th cycle post-miscarriage...


----------



## Carybear

Well Left... 

With the move, my job, and my current volunteering I did not have time to get OPK's... So, I'm not sure... Last month I Od on cd 15... My cycles have changed from 30 to 33 days...so I am assuming I Od around the same time. On Sunday (cd15) I got a big glob of ewcm (tmi) that was yellowish in color... Not sure why it was yellow but it was more than I have ever gotten before. It was super stretchy... We bd on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday... So here's hoping that I hit it... We are going to keep at it until I get a positive hpt or AF...


----------



## Carybear

A this point I don't have any symptoms except extreme fatigue.. I have over 44 conferences to do with parents, and 19 of them are this week.. I have nine today... Not sure if the fatigue is from that or something else...

I've decided to do my best NOT to symptom spot.. But well.. We all know how that goes...


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Topanga. I'm so sorry that the :witch: has caught you. I hate how unfair TTCaL can be. 

cary - hopefully, the yellowish colour means it was extra fertile cm and you get your rainbow this month. :thumbup:

AFM - feeling a lot better today but am still taking it easy. I'm at that awkward point where I'm hungry and am craving all sorts of goodies but my stomach is still a bit sensitive. When I had toast with jam this morning it was about all I could handle. So I need to avoid all the gooey, cheesey and greasy things I'm craving.


----------



## Carybear

Does the yellow sometimes mean that? When I say a lot.. I mean... A LOT


----------



## Starry Night

I actually have no idea. My ewcm had a bit of a yellowish tinge the one day too and yeah, it was crazy stretchy. But now I have the flu so I was wondering if my oncoming illness had something to do with it. I was feeling off for a day or two before it hit.

I certainly HOPE it is extra fertile. LOL I conceived my son 5 months after my m/c and I conceived my last angel after 5 months of TTC and I'm approaching that 'marker' so I'm really hoping my rainbow#2 is coming soon.


----------



## Topanga053

Ok, speaking of yellowish CM, does anyone else get a lot of yellowish, snot-like CM (TMI) a day or two before AF? I NEVER used to, and now I get a lot of it every month shortly before AF. I have NO IDEA why or if it means anything.


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga sorry she got ya its so not fair . Not sure you want the bright side of her coming but here it is , the sooner she is here the sooner she goes and you get another chance of trying ( looking at it this way helps me cope with the disappointment anyway) when she arrives and you see her first its like a body blow to the stomach , but then I turn it around into a positive . Hope your ok. 

Starry not sure about cm as only just learning about it , I'm no expert and never really observed mine only in the last few months . 

Hello everyone else how is your day going ?


----------



## Topanga053

I agree! I had a good cry in the bathroom when I saw, but now I'm fairly chipper. I always tell myself that every month she comes is one less month I have to deal with her and one month closer to holding my baby in my arms! Although I will say, now that I'm moving on to my 6th post-MC cycle, I'm really hoping it's sooner rather than later!!


----------



## anchor08

We're hoping with you Topanga, so sorry this cycle didn't work out. You're such a positive influence on this forum, I really appreciate it, helps me stay grounded in reality! :)


----------



## Topanga053

Awww, Anchor! Thank you!! You're too sweet. That made my day! :dance:


----------



## Left wonderin

I totally agree with Anchor , Topanga you rock :) imagine having to do this without having people who really understand to talk to about it . How awful would that be :( 

I am so grateful for all you ladies :) your all counted as one of my blessings :)


----------



## Starry Night

Every time my AF comes I say to myself "this is the cycle I will finally Nair myself so I'm not a gorilla when my rainbow is born" (there are some areas you just can't reach 9 months preggo). But then every cycle I'm lazy or forget and then I'm in the TWW and I won't use Nair "just in case". Now it's the tww again and I'm hairy and uncomfortable but I'm too afraid to use the hair removal and I've waxed once before and vowed never again. It was for the honeymoon which was a worthy cause, mind you, but some areas are just too sensitive for ripping.


----------



## Left wonderin

I've never been brave enough to wax! Cannot you not use hair removers when pregnant ?


----------



## RedWylder

Hahahaha Starry! Why can't you nair before you get a BFP? I too have waxed once before and will never again. Single. Worst. Pain. EVER!

Topanga-I'm so dissapointed for you! I was really hoping that since you were on clomid that it would be your day. Now I'm not feeling so positive that clomid is going to give me my rainbow. :(

Anchor! That chart is looking goooooood. Fingers are crossed for you!


----------



## Topanga053

Left wonderin said:


> I totally agree with Anchor , Topanga you rock :) imagine having to do this without having people who really understand to talk to about it . How awful would that be :(
> 
> I am so grateful for all you ladies :) your all counted as one of my blessings :)

I feel the same way about all of you too! I've told DH that I really wish we all lived closer together so we could meet and chat in real life! On-line is nice, but it would be so wonderful to get to meet all of you!!



RedWylder said:


> Topanga-I'm so dissapointed for you! I was really hoping that since you were on clomid that it would be your day. Now I'm not feeling so positive that clomid is going to give me my rainbow. :(

Thanks Red. :hugs: Don't give up! It could still happen for you! And it's only one cycle. I've heard a lot of women say that they get pregnant on their second or third cycle (or later), so I'm trying to hold on to that! We all *know* that we *can* get pregnant... we just have to do it again and we will!!


----------



## Starry Night

I think I read in the "What to Expect When Expecting" book that you shouldn't use hair removal creams and during the tww I do my best to act as if I were already pregnant. Also, pregnancy has not been the best experience for me so I take absolutely no chances.


----------



## RedWylder

I must have read your earlier post wrong. I thought you were going to nair while pregnant and not while waiting to be.

AFM: It finally looks like I'm ovulating. My temps are slowly rising which is normal for me. It makes it hard to pinpoint ovulation but as long as I keep bding I guess I wont worry about that. I'm setting a test date of March 22nd. I only have one test since I ran out of internet cheapos so I don't want to waste it and test like I normally do from 7dpo and on.


----------



## Topanga053

Yay for ovulation, Red!!!! Nice that the Clomid seems to have made you ovulate sooner too! FX'd!


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck, Red! Hope you catch that egg and create your rainbow!

I've been meaning to hold off testing so we could be test buddies. :)


----------



## aknqtpie

yay Red!!! Catch that eggy!


----------



## RedWylder

I hope I do! I really hope this is my month but I'm trying not to get to hopeful.


----------



## RedWylder

Wtf??? My temp went way down today. I thought for sure I was ovulating yesterday. I don't know how much longer hubby and I can keep up with bding.


----------



## aknqtpie

I bet it shoots back up in the next day or two, I know for a lot of people you will see a dip and then it goes up. Fx'd!


----------



## RedWylder

I hope so because after today I wont see him for two days.


----------



## RedWylder

Oh and congrats to Anchor!!!!!!! You ladies should look at her chart. :) Happy healthy 9 months lady!


----------



## anchor08

RedWylder said:


> Oh and congrats to Anchor!!!!!!! You ladies should look at her chart. :) Happy healthy 9 months lady!

Thank you! I'm very excited. Tested again this morning and the line is getting stronger. It doesn't seem real yet, but hopefully I'll start to really enjoy it soon, even though this can be such a scary time.

Good luck Red, looks like today could be O day!


----------



## RedWylder

anchor08 said:


> Good luck Red, looks like today could be O day!

Gosh I sure hope so. I'm so sick of waiting for O. I was positive I was O'ing during my first temp drop and because I took clomid this month, I thought it would happen earlier. Now I'm so confused. I won't see my hubby at all today or tomorroww so any later than today and all that BDing we did will count for nothing. :(

I'm really disappointed in my body right now. I really was hoping clomid would speed up everything and make it so I'd have to wait less time in betweeen periods. I'm not even sure if the clomid did anything.

Do you think it's possible that I O'd twice? That's a silly hope but there are two distinct drops in my temps and I've never had that happen before. Usually once they start to go up, they continue going up but this time it dropped a second time. I'm sure that's a ridiculous hope.


----------



## RedWylder

I just googled my situation and I think I discovered the problem. Clomid causes your temps to be higher and then once you stop taking the pills on CD10 they go down to normal. I think that the cause of the first temp drop. Now I'm in my actual temp drop before O. I'm still dissappointed that I didn't O early but there's not much I can do. I just hope this doesn't make me "out" for the month.


----------



## Starry Night

You don't need to BD the day of or even the day before for it to still be possible to get a bfp. Hope the timing works out for you and that you get your rainbow!

And congrats, anchor! I know it's hard, but just try to enjoy each day. You're pregnant! :):)


----------



## RedWylder

I know I don't need to bd the day of but that's what I was specifically aiming for. I wanted the best possible chance to get pregnant this month and so my hubby and I've had sex nearly every day since I started clomid and of course I'm going to O the only days this month where I wont see him. It's just frustrating and makes me feel like all that bding earlier in the month was a waste. I realize I'm not out but I hope that makes sense. Sorry to be such a negative person at the moment. I'll get over it once I actually do O and have something else to focus on.


----------



## aknqtpie

Yay Anchor!!!

Red - Is it possible the perscription wasn't strong enough? I have heard that some women have to up the strength if it doesn't work. Either that, another gal on here was on clomid and it didn't help, so the doctor switched her to Femera and she had an amazingly beautiful cycle. Something to check into with your doc :)


----------



## RedWylder

Hey AK, I'll give it the three months the doc said to try it for and then if that doesn't work then I'll go back. My cycle isn't that messed up and all my levels are normal so really I don't NEEd the clomid. So how are you feelign AK? Did you test today?


----------



## anchor08

I'm glad you figured out the problem Red, even though it's frustrating. Hoping for you!


----------



## aknqtpie

Freaking tired... Stupid daylight savings time.... 

Not testing until Friday lol. Just can't do it any sooner.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi everyone back from Crufts and had a wonderful time . Ank I'm DPO 8 too but won't be testing till Sunday , figured Paddy's day might be lucky for me being Irish n all :) but fulling expecting AF to show up before then . Anyway have been feeling nauseous on and off in the pms since DPO 4 and it hasn't gone away but could be me just making myself feel that way. No sore boobs to speak of and only slight cramping . Cm lotion and creamy but not lots of it ( tmi ) did have a weird dream about being preg again and miscarrying . When I went the the hospital they said I was miscarrying but the other baby was fine and measuring 17 weeks . Weird or what lol.. Ank any symptoms ? How you doing :) 

How is everyone else's doing ?


----------



## aknqtpie

Hey Left!!

Just a little cramping and twinging, but I am certain it is in my head. Seriously feeling out.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well I think it's way to early for either of us to call it one way or the other . Are you going to test early . Me ill wait till at least DPO 14 ( day AF) is due well if my cycles are back to 28 days . Who knows I'm not even sure we bd at the right time or that I o/v d except for smiley faces . Guess we will both just have to wait and see. Isn't starry with us in her Tww ?


----------



## aknqtpie

Friday is the soonest I will test.. I think.. I will be either 10/12 dpo that day. I was going to originally test on Sunday... which is 12/14dpo. Not sure though... See if I can hold out that long.


----------



## Starry Night

aknqtpie said:


> *Freaking tired... Stupid daylight savings time....*
> 
> Not testing until Friday lol. Just can't do it any sooner.

Ugh! Me too! I am not making the transition very well at all this year. I toss and turn late into the night and then have to be dragged out of bed in the morning.

Ladies, I don't think I'm in the TWW after all. I'm a little sad not to be testing with you all but it gives me another shot, so to speak, as I was not having any symptoms anyways. LOL 

Got loads and loads of ewcm this afternoon so I think I am headed for a 40 day cycle . I'm guess that a week and a half ago my body tried to ovulate, didn't, and is now trying again when I normally do anyways. I'm getting more pinching pains but on the other side. So I will be testing on the 27th or thereabouts. I'm feeling fertile!! I dreamed about my rainbow the other night. It was a girl and she was a toddler already and DS was slightly older than her. She was so adorable! I don't know. Feeling good about catching that eggie!


----------



## RedWylder

Starry it looks like you and I will get to share our two week wait. I think I finally did ovulate today.


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, I think I'm due to ovulate around Wednesday. I worked out with DH what our TTC schedule will look like this week. We normally do it a lot anyways but this week I really wanted our "together" times to land on particular days.


----------



## Starry Night

Oh, and :dust: to all of us! To those in their TWWs and those of us just starting ours! I hope the BFPs come rolling in!


----------



## Carybear

I'll join you in wishes for all those waiting Starry! 

I'm not sure where I'm at... I'm either somewhere around 9 dpo or I am 2 dpo....

Today I am cd24 today... On cd15 I had a huge glob of ewcm. Then, on cd22 I had pinching pains in both ovaries... Do you all think I ovulated that far after the ewcm? 

I didn't use OPK's this month, just trying to guess... Since January my cycles have switched from 30 days to 33. So, I still have 11 days... 

No real symptoms to talk about :-(


----------



## RedWylder

Cary- after this month's cycle I can't begin to tell you when you may have ovulated. I've had ewcm since a week ago when I thought I was ovulating. Now I still haven't ovulated and I'm pretty sure my body is wacked. Oh well. We bd'd anyways.


----------



## Carybear

Lol... I never know what my body is doing... I have like no symptoms... Except a little bit of cramping and extreme fatigue...

Who knows

We bd as much as we could...


----------



## Starry Night

I'm also clueless as to what my body is doing. I am just wanting my body to get back to normal so I can properly track my cycles again. After my first m/c I got pregnant with DS before that happened and I didn't conceive until 5 months afterwards so who knows how long it would have taken. After DS was born my cycles regulated pretty much right away (other than being extra heavy the first 5 times).

Cary - I did conceive my DS about a week after my ewcm ended so it is possible to ovulate that far after the signs.

AFM - having a very low day. Just hating how long this is taking. I guess it's "only" been 4ish months since the m/c but we've been TTC#2 since last May and there is still no baby on the way. And my cycles are so long and I hate waiting for ov. ](*,) I just hate feeling so helpless. I also hate that I'm still symptom-spotting even though I no longer think I ovulated on CD15!

I still have a test from last time so I may test this weekend anyways. Even if to stop myself from symptom spotting so early.


----------



## RedWylder

Aww starry I know how you're feeling. Sometimes you just need to test so you can give up getting hopeful for nothing.

Today is the day of babies. Two friends gave birth today. Weird that it happened so close but at least I have 2 less bellies to look at. I cried. I wanted to cry more but couldn't bring on the sobs that I felt I needed.


----------



## Carybear

Sorry Red... I'm praying that it is your turn soon.... And mine


----------



## Left wonderin

Red I'm sorry you feel so crap some days are harder than others . I'm just waiting for the announce,net of my work friend and someone else yesterday announced they are pregnant . I'm so green :( wouldn't it be lovely to be able to forget for a while and just get on with living life ? Not an option for me I'm afraid I have to keep trying until I succeed or run out of time !


----------



## RedWylder

Thank god I finally ovulated!


----------



## Left wonderin

Go red !!! Lol now get b'ding ;)


----------



## Carybear

Yeah!!!! I hope you caught that eggie....


----------



## Starry Night

:dust: to Red!!! I look forward to testing with you in two weeks. We can keep each other sane during the TWW. I'm going to try to refrain from symptom spotting until the weekend is over. Then all bets are off. :winkwink:

I'm pretty sure I ovulated sometime in the past 24 hours. I felt really warm all day yesterday and even DH thought I felt warm to the touch but not in a feverish way at all. Then during the night I felt myself cool off a bit and all my other ov signs disappeared. My boobs are still a bit tender but I often get that during my tww. I'm pretty satisfied with our BD timing so I just have to wait and see.


----------



## RedWylder

I hope we both caught our eggies. How bout AK and Left? Any more symptoms? I hope you get your BFPs in the next few days.

AK I noticed you haven't been temping. Is that to keep yourself from reading too much into the daily temperatures?


----------



## aknqtpie

Yeah.. temping was more to make sure I was ovulating. Although I think I ovulated two days after the crosshairs. I will pick it up again if there is a next cycle. 

Symptoms are tired.. boobs are kind of sore.. vivid dreams... feeling kind of wet... that stuff... also feeling bloated..


----------



## Starry Night

Fingers crossed for you, aknqtpie! They symptoms sound promising.


----------



## Carybear

Ak... Hoping to hear a BFP for ya...

I don't really have any symptoms... Felt a little queasy today and I am extremely exhausted, but nothing else really...

I may test this weekend or a little later next week...


----------



## aknqtpie

I can't wait to go home and put on sweatpants.. feelin super fat today.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well I am loosing my nerve totally now the countdown is really on and the day AF is due gets closer . 3 days to go !! Symptom wise , I know it's way to early but I have been having bouts of mild nauceous feelings since DPO 4 . I firstly thought they were in my head but know they are real as they come and go , not constant. I'm exhausted over the last two days ( people commenting how wreaked I look !) and have that really hungry feeling but that only started today . Some mild cramping and feeling a bit damp down below . Had headache last night ( all could also be symptoms of AF ) I was in the chemist tonight with a pack of frer but chickened out and put them back ..... Peeing more often in the last two days also ....... Going to the toilet now is like playing Russian roulette !!


----------



## Left wonderin

Ps I haven't been symptom spotting ;)


----------



## Starry Night

I feel fat too but I did have half a pizza for supper. Whoops. ha ha

My boobs are still achey so I'm guessing it's one of those cycles where they'll be sore the whole TWW until AF shows so I can't use it as a sign. But with my latest BFP I did start to get some signs around 6 or 7dpo that were rather definite to the point my bfp was not really a shocker. So I'll be on the lookout by then.


----------



## Left wonderin

I want sore boobs ....... There missing lol..


----------



## Starry Night

You're missing boobs or you're missing sore boobs?? lol You can have mine. It's like I have rheumatism in my breasts!


----------



## RedWylder

I was really moody today. I usually get moody around this time though. Slight sore nipples too but that's also normal. Testing on the 24th!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol red , I'm missing sore boobs , but now I'm seriously freaking out . Last night just before bed I had the tiniest bit of blood ( tiny) when I wiped on a tissue , checked cm no blood . Cm still mixture of watery and creamy . Went to bed thinking here we go , fully expected AF today when I woke but nothing , no sign . 
Not thinking ib as it was so small not mixed with cm or anything more like I had rubbed the tissue off a small cut . Two days to testing now I really feel sick from nerves !!!!


----------



## Carybear

Awwww Left... Consider it a good sign... FX'd for a BFP for ya


----------



## Carybear

I've had so many signs in the past months, but this month hardly anything... A little cramping and exhaustion but nothing else really...


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - maybe lack of signs is a good thing this time around. I'm hoping for the best for you! FX'd.

Left - don't see why that couldn't be IB. I got something like that a few days before my first bfp. It was just a speck and I only saw it because I was looking. Good luck to you too!


----------



## RedWylder

Eeck! Left I would be nervous too!!! But I sure hope its IB and not af.


----------



## Carybear

How are ya left?


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary just in the door from work must have gone to the loo 50 times today , nothing to report no sign of anything . I will test on Sunday if AF doesn't show up before then . Saturday is going to be a longgggggggg day lol....... 

I'm not even sure Sunday is14 DPO as I had four smiley faces so taking the third one as indicator , I could only. Be DPO 10 now ! Anyway Sunday is testing day regardless .


----------



## RedWylder

If you're closer to 10 then that means there's a good chance that was implantation bleeding! I hear 9dpo is the most common day for implantation to occur.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh god ill keep you all posted !!!!! I'm dying here ? Should I just get a first response and test or leave it to my original plan and test on Sunday


----------



## RedWylder

Definitely test Sunday. If you are only 10dpo you should wait a bit longer anyways.


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, at this point it's pretty likely you'd get a negative even if you are pregnant. Don't do that to yourself! It's "only" two more days. Think of it this way: You've already made it 10 days. You are strong!


----------



## Left wonderin

Well it could be 14 DPO either on Sunday mmm I'll wait and test ,prob should even wait till
Monday or Tuesday ...... Nah Sunday it is :)


----------



## aknqtpie

Red - Love your chart!! I haven't seen it in a few days!

Today I am 10/12dpo.. tested and BFN 

Left - Don't follow my example... wait till sunday.


----------



## Left wonderin

Akn there is still hope , tons of it ! 

Red - loving your chart wish I had one 

Starry thanks a bundle of nervousness is what I am 

Me : DPO 11-13 mmm one day to test ....... Poor OH woke me at 7am all excited saying today is the day , only to be disappointed that it isn't lol...


----------



## aknqtpie

Left - That is sweet DH was all excited!!!!

Still BFN this morning :(


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: I'm sorry for the bfn.


----------



## RedWylder

Akn: :( I was sure this month was going to be your month. Maybe it still is and you'll be one of those who gets their Bfp at 14dpo

Left: I love that your hubby is getting into this!

My chart is looking good so far but this is actually normal for me. If after 8dpo the temps start to decline then I know it's not my month.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ok quick update : trip to the shops - purchases , tampons , clearblue dig tests (2), folic acid tabs and a bottle of nice white wine . I'm prepared for any eventuality tommrow . Oops I forgot the tissues for both happy and sad tears ! 

Akn your still not out ! Keep testing !


----------



## RedWylder

Left that's awesome! I hope it's good news sweetie! Oh and if it is your not aloud to abandon us less fortunate ones still hanging out in the ttc category. :)


----------



## RedWylder

Northern light are out in force. Sometimes Alaska is wonderful.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well all tested this am and bfn but not counting myself out just yet . DH went off with the car and tests so couldn't use fmu to test . Tested about an hour after 1st pee . Think I'm only 12dpo so test needs to be done using fmu if taken before missed AF . 

Regardless of bfn I am so glad I tested as I now have my head back !! Didn't realise how wound up I have been in the last two weeks ! I am surprisingly in good form ( of course disappointed ) but not devastated . I have to find a better way of managing the Tww . However it was my first one since mc as my last few cycles AF came early 4 DPO and 9 DPO . So my first time having a wait ! 

Nothing for it but to keep positive , Happy St Patricks day everyone . 

Ps : Red I ain't going anywhere , I'll be here till rainbow arrives , or menopause lol.........


----------



## aknqtpie

Red - I fell asleep and didn't go look! But I heard they were out down here too!!! One of my coolest (kind of sad) experiences with the Northern Lights was the night that my DH's mom passed away, it was 4am, and we had gotten the call, and were headed to the hospital, and we walk out of the house and they were out in full force... It was very spiritual, DH's mom was a very spiritual metaphysical person, so I think it was her way of saying goodbye... 

Left - Sorry for BFN.. I am at 12dpo too (depite what my ticker says) .. still BFN for me too. I have been cramping and have score boobs.. so I think AF is on her way.. expecting her tues-thurs-ish.


----------



## RedWylder

All the science in the world can't take away the spiritual-ness of the northern lights. When you look up in the sky and see them dancing, it's impossible not to feel like someone is sending you a message. I know it's silly but last night it felt like they were confirming my feelings that this is my month. I hope it is. 7 more days until I test!

I hope you ladies are coping well enough with the dissapointment of not having a BFP yet. I hat that time of the month. Akn...go get some wine like Left did.


----------



## Left wonderin

aknqtpie said:


> Red - I fell asleep and didn't go look! But I heard they were out down here too!!! One of my coolest (kind of sad) experiences with the Northern Lights was the night that my DH's mom passed away, it was 4am, and we had gotten the call, and were headed to the hospital, and we walk out of the house and they were out in full force... It was very spiritual, DH's mom was a very spiritual metaphysical person, so I think it was her way of saying goodbye...
> 
> Left - Sorry for BFN.. I am at 12dpo too (depite what my ticker says) .. still BFN for me too. I have been cramping and have score boobs.. so I think AF is on her way.. expecting her tues-thurs-ish.

Well still no sign of AF here , some mild cramping like AF cramping so guessing ill meet the witch on mon- Tuesday . Akn looks like we will be starting our cycle again together :) I agree go get some wine ;)


----------



## Carybear

Hi ladies.. Happy St. Patty's Day!!!!!!

I tested this morning... BFN... But I'm thinking, based on ovulation pains, that I'm only 7dpo...

Will test again in a couple of days


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry for the bfn's, ladies. :( We will all get our bfps yet! 

Cary - you were brave to test so early! Good luck for the next time you test.

Red - I really hope you're right and that this is your month. I think this thread is aching for its first BFP. Maybe you'll be the one to lead the way which would be great as you were the one to come up with this wonderful thread.

And I love the northern lights. I'm nowhere as near to the north as you Alaska girls are but we sometimes get them here too. I am living further north than I used to so have seen them more in one year than I have in my entire lifetime but it has been a while since the last time. Last winter I saw them about once a week but haven't seen anything since the summer.

AFM - only 4dpo so trying really hard not to symptom spot. Right now the plan is to test next Wednesday.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry- Yay for TWW buddies. I'll be testing on the 24th and 26th (don't like odd numbers). I'm testing early because I have a short luteal phase so I should know by Sunday one way or another. Oh and we've had ONE BFP. Don't forget Anchor.

Speaking of Anchor. Come back and visit lady! We want your baby vibes.

Happy St. Paddy's day.


----------



## Starry Night

How could I forget!? Sorry, anchor! Congrats once again on your bfp! I can never keep straight who is in what thread.


----------



## aknqtpie

Red - Fx'd it is your month!!!! 

AF like cramps are in full force tonight.. but no AF... 

No alcohol for me.. DH decided to quit drinking for a while, so I am supporting him on that.. making cookies tonight though.


----------



## anchor08

RedWylder said:


> Speaking of Anchor. Come back and visit lady! We want your baby vibes.
> 
> Happy St. Paddy's day.

I'm here, I'm here! Very busy with work right now so I haven't been saying much (and there's not much going on here, in truth!) but I'm anxiously awaiting all of your test results. You're all doing so well with keeping a positive attitude, I know there will be more good news here soon!

I'm having very few symptoms, but all I can do for now is count myself lucky in that regard I guess! I'm one week into the "four week wait" until I can get an early scan, but feeling very relaxed somehow. I really hope all of you will be joining me soon!


----------



## Left wonderin

Good morning ladies :) 
Anch so delighted to hear from you and see you are doing well . Lol about the four week wait us ladies are never not waiting for something ! 
Akn I didn't have the wine either as my corkscrew was broken so had to settle for goodies :) the witch must be on holidays as she didn't show up here either , not a sign of her :-( 
Did another test this am bfn so I'm defo out . The witch is one lady who loves to pee people off , turning up when not invited and not turning up when ya are waiting for her . 

I just want her here and gone so I can get on with trying again . It's a public holiday here in Ireland so no work for me might just head to the movies :)


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry, for the bfn, Left. Enjoy your day and hopefully you'll catch that egg next time!


----------



## aknqtpie

Had a little bit of spotting this morning.. kind of crampy.. still waiting for AF to show completely.. I wish she would just show in her full glory, so I can move on with my plans for next cycle.


----------



## Left wonderin

Me too Akn not a sign of her here ! If she visits you send her right over :) Starry thanks and I am now officially stalking your Tww lol ....... Fx,d for you :)


----------



## Starry Night

I'm trying hard to not read into every little thing but it's really hard. I can't test until the weekend at the earliest but really should wait until next Wednesday. I can't even think of ways to distract myself. The in-laws are coming for a visit but that won't be until after I can test. Though, DH and I are due for a date night this month so we could do one this week. That would be something else to look forward to...


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I'm definitely with you. I'm so ready for this TWW to be over. I'm testing on Sunday if you want to join in on it with me. :) I am so thankful that I'll be traveling with my students until late Saturday night which means I can't test until Sunday for sure because I wont be bringing any tests with me. 

As for my symptom spotting... new symptom to report. I've been having what I can only be described as a tightness and ache in my uterus area. It feels similar to ovulation pain but it's not that far over. And it's way low in my pelvis. 

I'm feeling out thought. I was feeling really positive right after Oing but now not so much.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ooh two to stalk Red and Starry :) hope you ladies doing ok and. Taking it easy in the Tww . The second week is hellish the closer to the testing date you get , well for me anyway . I'm still a no show with AF but not doing anymore tests till at least Friday . I know she is just delayed in coming but I'm never ever late . 

Have a good day everyone , catch you all later xx


----------



## Left wonderin

Akn any sign of the witch ?


----------



## RedWylder

Not looking good for me. Temps are dropping.


----------



## Starry Night

Aw, red, I hope your temps shoot back up over the next couple of days.

left - it's odd that you'd be late for the first time ever and not be pregnant. I hope you get out of limbo soon.

AFM - I probably won't test on Sunday. I'll only be 11dpo and that is too soon for me. I may test as early as Monday or Tuesday. I'll see what kind of signs I have by then. This morning I woke up and didn't recognize my boobs. They seem a bigger. It's hard to say. I already went from an A cup to C cup after my son so they won't get much bigger so I often think I'm imagining it. With my last bfp I couldn't see a noticeable change. They just didn't feel like mine. That's how I feel this morning. And I'm starting to get some pains along my c-section scar. I hope these are good signs but it's still pretty close after my m/c and my hormones could be playing tricks on me again.


----------



## Starry Night

Just adding that this is my last chance to get preggo before the due date. We're taking a break next month as we're traveling in June and I really don't want to fly in the first trimester. I did that with the last pregnancy and it was not fun. I know it didn't cause the m/c (I was already having problems) but flying sick with morning sickness and having bleeding while on vacation is not fun. I spent almost 2 days in the ER and it would have been longer if my a unt who is a doctor there hadn't sped me through.


----------



## Left wonderin

I'm so hoping this is your month Starry all symptoms look promising even the robbing of some one else's boobs !!! Red hoping your temps rise again soon and you just had a " cold morning " I can't wait to temp and have a chart to consult but for that I need a new cycle and for that I need AF to show up . Still no sign of her !!!! I've never been late before in my life but it is only my third cycle since mc and the last cycle she turned up 5 days early so who knows ?? Maybe my body is still trying to regulate itself . I never thought I crave normality . Used to be able to set my clock by AF . 

Funny though have been having nauceous feeling in the pm,s since my counting of 8dpo , when got bfn I just put is down to over SS and caused by anxiety , however it was there in force again today and I'm not anxious . I've done two tests and both bfn on Sunday and one Monday so I know I'm not preg and so not waiting for a BFP but the witch !!!!!


----------



## aknqtpie

Sorry ladies - Was busy at work today!! Still no AF and Still a BFN.. Going to stop testing until Friday. That will be when AF is officially late. 

Red - Hopefully it is an implantation Dip!


----------



## Starry Night

I'm sorry that both you ladies are stuck in limbo. Good luck for Friday. Hope you're both experiencing late implanters.


----------



## RedWylder

Gosh i hope so but if I compare my chart to the last 2 months, It's following nearly the exact same pattern. I wanna cry. :( I also havne't seen any pink spotting which I had during implantation with my MC.


----------



## aknqtpie

AF showed up tonight :( Boooo... 

Red - Every pregnancy is different though!


----------



## RedWylder

Awwww Sorry AKN! I'm in Anchorage this week. We should get together .


----------



## Left wonderin

Sorry Akn she showed up , but will ya send her on to me . Still no sign of her here. I'm now cd 32 , never been this late before , even after dnc AF showed up after 30 days . I'm just going to wait it out lol..... Have one test left so don't want to waste it on a bfn ! If no show by Friday ill test again . Trying not to think about it now . 

Red are you testing on Friday ?


----------



## aknqtpie

Hi ladies, 

Just letting you know I will not be on here much anymore. My husband was in a fatal car accident tonight. In absolute shock. Sounds almost crazy right? Anyways, I think I will just post it in this thread, since I am in others with most of you. 

I will be wishing you all best of luck in your journeys. Message me if you want to be friends on facebook. I have a TTC facebook page on there that I will be staying part of. I will probably end up closing this down in the next few weeks.


----------



## Carybear

Akn I don't know what to say... I'm sending prayers and hugs...


----------



## RedWylder

Ak I just can't believe that. Life is so cruel sometimes and my heart hurts for you. Please let me know if I can help anyway.


----------



## anchor08

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. Thank you for taking the time to let us know, we have really appreciated your friendship and support on here. I will be thinking of you and praying for you a lot.


----------



## Starry Night

Ak, I am so sorry to hear your news. Definitely thinking of you and your family. I've been so glad to get to know you. I'm with Red, my heart absolutely aches for you.

:hug:


----------



## Left wonderin

Akn there are no words . You are in my thoughts and prayers xxxxx if you need anything , anything at all let us know x .


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi ladies , I'm sure you like me a reeling from the devastating news of the death of Akn,s husband . Even though we never met I am distraught for her . Feeling at little helpless but would love to do something to show my support to her . Anyone any ideas ? Is anyone a close friend of her that has an address to send a condolence card or something ?


----------



## Starry Night

I've been rattled all afternoon. :( I don't know her personally though.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry Night said:


> I've been rattled all afternoon. :( I don't know her personally though.

Hi Starry , I know me too , it weird knowing someone but not knowing them . Poor Akn I hope she has people to mind her in her life .


----------



## Left wonderin

How are you doing any way apart from that ?


----------



## Starry Night

Well, yesterday I felt like I was starting to get lots of my early signs but today feel rather normal. I feel some "ballooning" kind of feelings in my pelvic area but it could be gas. Really, I'm only 7dpo so even if I were pregnant there is no real way of telling. Feeling down about my chances today but that could change.


----------



## Left wonderin

Still tuns of hope :)))) another week to go !


----------



## Carybear

FX'd for you Starry... I'm due today... Sometimes it feels like AF cramps... Other times nothing... So I'm waiting it out...

Did AF come left?

Red... How are ya?

Akn... If you're reading this, you are in my thoughts and prayers


----------



## Starry Night

I got AF-like cramps with my latest BFP. In fact, I think the cramps were worse than AF.

I'm getting some cramps today. Only 8dpo so trying to take things as they come but I don't want to give up hope.


----------



## Carybear

I've had cramps off and on for about a week now... Some of them have been pretty bad... I've also had this pulling/pinching pain... Some go down into my groin... I had that with the last BFP. I've had very vivid dreams this week. Most of them involve someone trying to get me and my family... Aliens, government people, serial killer.... But last night I had a dream that I had triplets... One boy two girls... The little boy was chubby cheeked like my husband and the girls were fair like me....

Other than feeling nauseous and not wanting to eat.... I don't really have any other symptoms


----------



## Starry Night

I get nauseous too except I get that when I'm hungry. When I nibble I feel better. It was that way with my last bfp. I want to hope but trying to not get too excited either.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry hang in there :) 
Cary what DPO are you ?? 
Akn - thought of you all day xxxxx


----------



## Carybear

If I'm counting right.. I'm like 11 or 12 dpo....


----------



## RedWylder

I too continued to think of AKn.

Afm: brown spotting started so I expect af soon. Probably not going to bother testing. :(


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs:

So sorry, Red. :( If the spotting stops by tomorrow and doesn't come back then I would test just in case it was IB. But I'm not going to force you into false hope either.


----------



## RedWylder

I threw up this morning which at first I was excited but then I remembered I took my vitamins on an empty stomach. Damn false hope.


----------



## Carybear

AF got me.. Started spotting pink last night... AF today... I guess it's changing because I never used to get nauseous with AF.. Now, I have no appetite and feel sick.... Maybe it men's I will lose weight during AF....


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary , sorry AF came , funny that I felt nausea too this cycle ???? And never before . 
Here is to next cycle :)


----------



## Starry Night

I sometimes get nausea with AF. When I first started coming off the pill 3 years ago I would get nauseous right from ovulation all the way until I started to bleed. That really sucked. Now I only get it from time to time. Though I usually get it while I'm bleeding as my period is really quite heavy and often leaves me woozy the first few days.

I'm still getting hot and cold flashes, heartburn and my silly butt cramps which makes me hopeful that another bfp is coming. I just have to remember that I got crazy strong ovulation signs this month that included some of this signs so I have to keep myself in check.

I'm testing on Tuesday (finally decided on a day) and it can not come soon enough!

also, have been thinking about Topanga. She hasn't been on in awhile. Hope she is OK.


----------



## Left wonderin

Your right starry she hasn't , your so good to remember everyone :)) hopefully she is just busy ! Tuesday 4 days to go :) I'm so hoping this is your month :)


----------



## RedWylder

I'm testing Sunday if af is no where in sight. However she's likely rightaround the corner


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone.. Hoping everyone is doing great!

I think my body must be changing.. I normally get diarrhea when I get AF... This time around I'm nauseous - which never happens- and I'm constipated.... Really hoping that it is not going to be this way every month...

I've been thinking about Topanga too...


----------



## Starry Night

Red - on what dpo does AF normally show up for you? I hope you are pregnant and that this pregnancy is just one of those that does not have a lot of strong symptoms (I have had friends who have felt awesome the entire 9 months). Good luck for tomorrow!

Cary - my cycles have changed after each pregnancy. I also have IBS and that has changed as well. I used to have problems with diarrhea (usually the worst around AF) and the only times I ever was constipated was the first two times I got pregnant. But after DS was born I have had a lot more struggles with constipation. Then after my latest m/c it went to being problems with both but mostly diarrhea. However, since I still get both I can no longer look to constipation as a "sign". And my other PMS signs have not settled into a pattern yet. It's been a bit different each time.

That's why I'm not quite trusting all the potential pregnancy signs I'm getting. And I'm getting loads of the stuff that had been exclusive to my previous 3 pregnancies. But my body is still so messed up that only a positive pregnancy test will make me think there is a baby in there.


----------



## RedWylder

It usually shows up today (11 dpo)and lowland behold she's here. Boo


----------



## Left wonderin

:hugs: Red hope your doing ok all things considered . It's such a disappointment when she turns up x

Starry and Cary how are ye doing today ?


----------



## Starry Night

:hug:

So sorry, Red. Take care and pamper yourself today. This TTC journey is really cruel sometimes. :hugs:

Left - doing OK. I'm actually on the lookout for spotting. AF shows up on 14dpo for me but ever since the m/c I've started to spot brown on 10dpo which would be today. Haven't seen any yet so hoping it stays away!


----------



## Left wonderin

Here is hoping it stays well away not just for the next 4 days but for the next 9 months :) 
Well done for staying strong and not testing.


----------



## Carybear

Sorry Red... Don't give up.. Keep trying! Before we know it we will all be talking about feeling our baby's movements and posting pictures of sonograms and newborns... 

We will ALL have our BFP'S and I for one plan to stick around with you ladies!


----------



## Left wonderin

Here here Cary:). Well said . I'll be here till I'm boring ya all with stories of my sleepless nights and millions of pictures of my rainbow baby ;)


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh and ill still be here until everyone on this thread has theirs too :)


----------



## Carybear

Right on left... We have to support each other


----------



## Starry Night

Other than extreme fatigue I feel like all my other "signs" have gone away. Am desperately trying to remember if my cm dried up just before my last bfp or not as that is what is happening now. I think it must have as I remember complaining about it...


----------



## Left wonderin

Sorry starry I'm no expert in cm so not sure what it is suppose to do :( ..... Not long to wait now :)


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks for your ongoing support ladies. It's nice to know you're here when I'm feeling poopy. Starry your our last hope this cycle. I hope you get your BFP but if not we'll all be in it together again next month!


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. :)

I do think cm is a lousy predictor, actually. I've never been able to find anything conclusive when I search online. It seems like it can be anything beforehand. I know I will often get ewcm or even the creamy stuff just before AF. I'm just being obsessive.


----------



## RedWylder

I just have to share one of the reasons I'm sad I got a BFN this month. This was my last hope of having a 2013 baby which I had hoped when I miscarried that I would still be able to have a 2013 rainbow but obviously now it will be 2014. On the positive side, I like the number 14 way more than 13 so hopefully 14 is luckier for me. Here's to a new years baby!


----------



## Starry Night

This will be my last chance for a 2013 baby too. I like that thinking though. 14 is a better number. My son's birthday is on the 14th of July. Good number! :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Red I'm sorry you didn't gt your 2013 baby :(


----------



## Carybear

I'm sorry Red... But a New Years baby would be great!!!!!

AFM bleeding has just about stopped and I was going to test today.. I was so exhausted I completely forgot... Guess I will tomorrow


----------



## Starry Night

I was bad and took a test today. I'm pretty sure it's a BFN. :( I used a FRER and watched as the test started to work. At first I was sure I saw the beginnings of the line and got really excited but as soon as the control line showed up the other one disappeared so I think it was an evap. I can kinda, sorta, if I twist it just right, see the faint second line but I can't in good conscience count it as bfp. :( I also woke up with a nasty cold so that could explain why I have been feeling so rotten lately.

I have two more tests so I may test again tomorrow anyways because if that evap line was not an evap then a more definite line should show up even if it is still faint. But not holding my breath for that one.


----------



## Carybear

I took a test last week and had the same thing happen. It was one of the cheap dollar store ones. If I twisted it in the light there was a faint line... DH could even see it, but it had no color... I counted it as an evap... Then I started to spot Thursday night.. Very light pink and bleed Friday morning.. Figured I was out... Now I don't know... I've bled for a total of one and half days... Only a few small clots.... Hardly any cramps and no backache...

If I don't get a positive, ill go on and start again with a new cycle... I have to keep going... I want to hold my baby in my arms...


----------



## RedWylder

Oh cary im rooting for you!! Maybe you and starry will both get bfps


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary and Starry you not out yet ladies :) Red hope you are ok after the witch showed up . New thread up for Aprils testers , they give me hope as already the count down is on to the next opportunity . I should be testing again on the 18th of April if my cycle is back to normal 29 days which I think it is :)) we will know for sure this month . 

1st day of cycle poas , I've changed from cb digital to drugstore own brand so hope they are good . Also temping and charting . I'll try post my chart my from ff for expert advice :)


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck with your next cycle, Left! Looks like you have a solid plan of action!


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol.... Unitl I get 50 Opk + tests , spotting and no cm !! And AF showing up a day after Opk + . This month I'm prepared for every eventuality !! I'm never ever giving up until that bloody witch gets the message and stays away :))) Feeling hopeful and strong at the moment after a break from all the stress of counting and waiting ! Mother Nature is a clever lady and gives the head a well needed break each cycle !!


----------



## RedWylder

It's so interesting that we hate it so much when AF arrives but during her time visiting is the only time I don't feel any stress with temping and charting and counting and stressing.


----------



## Left wonderin

So true Starry so true


----------



## Starry Night

I believe it was Red with the words of wisdom. ;) And I agree.

The girls on the PUPO thread are trying to convince me my evap was in fact a bfp (trying not to listen too much, lol) but assuming I'm NOT pregnant, my silver lining is I get to go on the rides at the theme park when I visit my family in June.

I still need to decide if, during my break next month, if we will actively prevent getting pregnant with condoms or if we will only NTNP. I feel terrified of wasting a cycle. Yet, ntnp will make it tempting to pay attention to ov signs. Not sure I have the strength for either option. Maybe I'll risk flying in First Tri after all. I'm a TTC addict.


----------



## Left wonderin

Mmm big choice using condoms eeeek lol... But I know what you mean ntnp is only messing with your head as you would actively have to be trying not to notice o/v and then by not noticing you would be noticing lol.......


----------



## Left wonderin

Right I'm off to bed .... Have to get up early busy morning poas and temping ;) lol... 

Oh and have to fit work in there somewhere lol.......... Good luck for the morning Starry xx


----------



## Carybear

Can't wait to hear how it turns out Starry...

AFM... I'll try and remember to test in the morning...


----------



## Carybear

Tested this morning... No surprise.. A BFN ... On to cd5


----------



## Starry Night

Another evap line, ladies. Should have known as the FRER was from the same box. The only thing that makes me cautiously optimistic is this shadow-line is a more obvious than the one from yesterday. I see it at every angle but there is no real colour. Sometimes I *think* I see pink. 

I also used the Clear Blue and got an evap on that too. That one is deffo an evap as the colour didn't show up until a couple hours after taking the test and the line is really skinny.

I will try to wait to test again on Friday if AF is a no show.


----------



## Left wonderin

Sorry can I ask what an evap line is :)


----------



## Starry Night

It's an evaporation line. Basically, it's a line that can been seen on a test but isn't a real line. It either shows up after the allotted time or doesn't have any colour. Though, I've heard they sometimes can come with some colour but the line will be skinnier than the control line.

My lines seemed mostly grey with some pink in them so I can't count them until I see a thick, pink line.

I'm still feeling like I'm not 'out' yet but also accepting that AF may turn up tomorrow.


----------



## RedWylder

Oh Starry maybe this IS it. I hope I hope!!


----------



## Starry Night

Me too. I honestly feel it could go either way. I'm starting to cramp but I've also gotten major cramps with all of my bfps so that actually doesn't tell me anything! LOL Only one more day of limbo as I'm getting more tests tomorrow.

If I am pregnant there should be an obvious line by the end of the week. I am pretty sure I ov'd sometime between the 13th and the 16th.


----------



## rayraykay

Starry- I saw you were thinking of doing the "NTNP" method maybe if you aren't pregnant now (which I sincerely hope you are) and I would be in favor of that. I am doing that this month... I got a few negatives on ovulation kits since my cycles have been so irregular... I wasn't sure at all when I was going to ovulate. The negatives on the OPKs made me so sad and frustrated I just decided eff it... I will just watch for the signs of ovulation. Honestly, it has made this cycle much easier to take. I got some signs of ovulation (heavy CM...twinges and cramps on one side of my lower abdomen) around the 15-17 and now I am having very heavy white CM (almost so much I feel like I'm wetting my pants sometimes SORRY TMI!!) and some cramping, some queasiness... I am trying not to look into it too much but I think just winging it might have worked! I am either pregnant or ovulating right now instead of about 10 days ago. We will see. If you aren't pregnant now, letting go kinda brings the fun back into it. Without all the tests and such, I feel a little less desperate for whatever reason. 

I really hope you are pregnant now tho!!!! Baby dust to all! Man we all deserve our BFPs so much!


----------



## RedWylder

Well I'm settling into my 11 th month of ttc. Gosh when I think back to the beginning and my hopeful ignorance I'm just amazed how long we've been at this. I Never would have seen it taking this long. I'm feeling down but I know that I can't give up. How many more tea will I have to do this?


----------



## Left wonderin

Red don't give up , don't even think of giving up !!! It will happen for you ! No talk of quitting now .... The things that test us make us stronger n all that !! 

But sorry your feeling frustrated right now ..... But I'm being sergeant Major !!!


----------



## rayraykay

Don't ever give up Red- you will get your baby. When you do, it will be that much more of a miracle because you will never forget the pain and the suffering you've gone through to meet your child.


----------



## Starry Night

rayray - It sounds like you and I ov'd around the same time. I got ov signs from about the 11th until the 16th (I don't normally get them for so long). Your signs sound promising. Any ideas when you'd test? :dust:

I've never charted but I do often go by cycle days and ov signs to determine when to try so for me NTNP is hard to do. I'm so hyper-aware of what is going on with me. :dohh:

I'm not feeling especially pregnant today (whatever that means, lol) but no sign of AF either. Keep running to the washroom because it feels like it's starting but just clear stuff so far. I am breaking out like a teenager though. :growlmad:


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Red. I know it's hard to wait for your forever baby and I wish I could promise you that he or she is coming soon. Most people do go on to have their baby. So don't give up. It took me over a year to finally conceive my forever baby. It's hard when it takes awhile to conceive and then a m/c sets you back but the pain will fade one day when you have a little one snuggling in your arms.

I'm also currently on my 11th month of TTC (including the m/c). I understand the impatience. :(

They say it's "darkest before the dawn" so hopefully this means your special, sticky bfp is on its way!
:hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry great that AF is nowhere in sight hoping she stays away :) I too am ttc 12 months including m/c . This is my 12th month to be exact . I don't know why but have faith one day I will have my own miracle snuggled in my arms . I believe we all will in time . But it is hard some days when you loose hope and takes all,your energy not to allow yourself go to that place of despair ! For me though giving up is not an option until time runs out and there is no hope left ... And we are ALL A LONG WAY OFF FROM THAT POINT :))))


----------



## Left wonderin

Even if I have to make the record books as the worlds oldest mum ;) lol.........


----------



## RedWylder

Thank you so much for the encouragement! I don't ever plan on giving up but it's so hard mentally to keep going and going. I am so glad that I met you ladies. There's lots of people to talk to on the forums but it's hard to find specific people to "hang" out with.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well,I think we have all found each other here :)))) no getting rid of us now :)


----------



## Starry Night

:bfp: :cloud9:

It's still faint so I must have ovulated later than I thought I did. Though I do recall that I didn't get my bfp with my son until about 3 weeks after I got my ov signs (and by all my earn scans I know I got my bfp around 9dpo).

I do feel like I'm getting sticky vibes from this one. FX'd.

I wanted to put spoiler tags around the photo but couldn't figure out how so I hope the photo doesn't upset anyone. Let me know and I'll take it down.
 



Attached Files:







IMG_2275.jpg
File size: 21.7 KB
Views: 8


----------



## Carybear

Red... We are in it together!

STARRY!!!!!! Omg... I'm so excited for you!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

No of course you shouldn't take it down. We're all in this together and when I get my BFP I want to be able to share it with ya'll. As long as you fill me in on every bloody boring detail of your nine months I'll be happy. :)

Happy health nine months!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

STARRY I have to tell you I'm soooooo sooooooo soooooo happy for you :)))) and I saw the line as soon as I looked and I never see them !!!!! So it's time for a :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


----------



## Starry Night

Red & everyone else - I can't wait for you guys to get your BFPs too! It would be great if we could start a preggo club together and worry and anticipate together.


----------



## RedWylder

I wish it was that easy to time these things! I'd love to be preggo together. Only time will tell.


----------



## Carybear

That would be awesome Starry.....


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I like your thinking . Everyone we need tuns of baby dust this month so we can keep starry company . Well she might get lonely :(


----------



## Carybear

Lol... I couldn't agree more  def need to keep her company... I volunteer...


----------



## Left wonderin

Me too and I'm sure we could rustle up a few more just cause we love her ;) lol....... Ok Cary that's me and you so far a volunteers :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh and I'm guessing REDis in to , well it would be rude not too lol......


----------



## Carybear

Ok... So now we def have to get BFP'S ... no slacking anyone....  we have to keep our friend starry company....


----------



## Left wonderin

:dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:

Just a bit of baby dust to help,us on our way :) .......


----------



## Starry Night

Left wonderin said:


> :dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:
> 
> Just a bit of baby dust to help,us on our way :) .......

What she said!

:dust:

Have family over for the weekend so will be MIA. Hope everyone enjoys their Easter! :bunny:


----------



## RedWylder

You know I'm in!! Hubby's in for another round of 17 days of bding non stop until I ovulate. Hahaha :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust: :dust:


----------



## Carybear

Yeah... I never hear DH complain... When I got pregnant, we DTD every night... I was exhausted, but he was all in....


----------



## anchor08

Starry Night said:


> :bfp: :cloud9:
> 
> It's still faint so I must have ovulated later than I thought I did. Though I do recall that I didn't get my bfp with my son until about 3 weeks after I got my ov signs (and by all my earn scans I know I got my bfp around 9dpo).
> 
> I do feel like I'm getting sticky vibes from this one. FX'd.
> 
> I wanted to put spoiler tags around the photo but couldn't figure out how so I hope the photo doesn't upset anyone. Let me know and I'll take it down.

YAY STARRY!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you. This is an amazing group, everyone is so supportive and positive. I agree, let's get a few more joining the club. Is everyone else at the beginning of the cycle right now?


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi anchor , ticker is moving along swiftly is see :) how are you feeling ? 

I'm cd 11 and likey to o/v within the next 5 days :) then the dreaded Tww !!!


----------



## RedWylder

Hi Anchor!! I hope you're feeling well! I'm at the beginning of my long cycle. I still have at least 15 days before expecting ovulation and I'm already on CD7. I hate long cycles.... stupid clomid was supposed to fix that problem. Boo.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi red :) how is your weekend going ? I'm indulging in a glass of vino , haven't in a while its so nice :) ...... Had a week full of all things baby , my friend announced pg after 4th Ivf , delighted for her , went to a birthday party for my niece and my 21 year old niece there with her bump , due the same time as I would have been , and today a friend of the oh visited with her 5 month old baby boy , what a dote .., work college just announced the birth of her baby girl ( she was 12 ) weeks ahead of me before I m/c .... 

Nothing for it but wine :( ........


----------



## Carybear

Sorry left... Keep your head up..l enjoy the vino... And know your time is right around the corner


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Cary :) I'm fine really just a lot all at once ! Tommrow ( or after my 3rd glass of wine ! ) ill be back to hopeful :)


----------



## Carybear

Lol! That's the spirit  no pun intended 

I'm completely in limbo right now... After my one day period.. And five days of spotting... I still do not have a positive test. I do however have very sensitive nipples (they actually hurt in the shower) some pain in my lower stomach, a backache, my skin is terrible, and I'm constantly nauseous.... I'm not sleeping good either...

I took a test today and thought I saw a very faint shadow... So, only time will tell


----------



## Starry Night

Cary! I really hope that shadow is the start of your bfp! That's how it started for me. :)

Left - so sorry for all the reminders of where you should be right now. Enjoy your glasses of wine and good luck for your next cycle!

Red - hope time passes quickly and this is your sticky bfp cycle!


----------



## RedWylder

Left wonderin said:


> Hi red :) how is your weekend going ? I'm indulging in a glass of vino , haven't in a while its so nice :) ...... Had a week full of all things baby , my friend announced pg after 4th Ivf , delighted for her , went to a birthday party for my niece and my 21 year old niece there with her bump , due the same time as I would have been , and today a friend of the oh visited with her 5 month old baby boy , what a dote .., work college just announced the birth of her baby girl ( she was 12 ) weeks ahead of me before I m/c ....
> 
> Nothing for it but wine :( ........

I am enjoying some wine as well. Cheers! I know we're still stuck here waiting so we might as well make the best of it!

Cary I hope you get your bfp! Starry...any more tests? I wanna see that line get darker!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Red 

Can't wait to see yours... It will be here sooner than u think


----------



## RedWylder

Carybear said:


> Thanks Red
> 
> Can't wait to see yours... It will be here sooner than u think

Hahaha I THOUGHT it was gonna happen right away. But I sure hope it happens sooner than I NOW think it will. It feels pretty hopeless most days. But I'm hanging in there and have plenty of distractions in the mean time. I'm starting my FF2 (firefighter 2) class next weekend and I'm pretty nervous about that. I feel like I barely made it through the first level of firefighter training and now I have to do more!


----------



## RedWylder

Never give up! Never surrender! Bwhaha that stupid quote from that stupid movie just popped into my head (can't remember the name, even). I thought it applied to our situation. hehe


----------



## Carybear

Amen... Because one day when you have a house full of kids.. You'll look back and this time will be a distant memory....


----------



## Starry Night

No more tests. I used my last one the day after my bfp and it was a bit darker. But the line comparison game can drive me batty so I'm saving my money and just trust that I really am pregnant. lol I'm not really a POAS-aholic anyways.

I also look forward to the day when TTC and pregnancy after a loss are all distant memories. I don't really like the person this drama is turning me into at times.


----------



## RedWylder

Soooo I'm going to try some other things this month because the clomid didn't seem to do anything. I bought some softcups and preseed. I also made my hubby go on vitamins. I'm turning into a crazy person and I just hope that this all works. Anyways, I'll keep ya'll posted. :)


----------



## Carybear

Glad you have a plan red... FX'd tht it works and this is your month...


----------



## anchor08

Hi ladies, sorry for the delayed response, my sister is visiting from overseas so we were away all weekend.


Left wonderin said:


> Hi anchor , ticker is moving along swiftly is see :) how are you feeling ?
> 
> I'm cd 11 and likey to o/v within the next 5 days :) then the dreaded Tww !!!

Busy time for you then hopefully! I'm feeling okay, the days are going by a little quicker. Definitely tired, and once every few days I feel a bit nauseous, but really nothing to complain about. I'll try to get an early scan in the next week or two and see how everything's going. I feel confident, but I want to have some evidence before sharing the news with anyone!



RedWylder said:


> Soooo I'm going to try some other things this month because the clomid didn't seem to do anything. I bought some softcups and preseed. I also made my hubby go on vitamins. I'm turning into a crazy person and I just hope that this all works. Anyways, I'll keep ya'll posted. :)

Good stuff, we started using pre-seed the cycle I got my first bfp, and then used it again this time around and it only took two cycles. I can't say for sure that it's because of pre-seed, but it might have helped and definitely didn't hurt! Also made it easier on both of us to bd more frequently. :)


----------



## Starry Night

I hope everyone is doing well! Not really much to report on my end. Still the early days...


----------



## RedWylder

Not much to report here either at least 7 more days before I even need to think about bding for pregnancy. For now it's just for fun. 

Just started my firefighting class. I forgot how tough this stuff is for a smaller female with not much experience. I hope you all are also finding ways to pass time.


----------



## Starry Night

I'd be too chicken to try for firefighting. And I'm way too out of shape. I get breathless going up the stairs! (very bad, but I've been a hermit all winter...just waiting for the snow to melt so I can start walking and bike riding again).

Is this going to be a paid position or will it be for a volunteer crew?


----------



## Carybear

Sounds awesome red...

AFM just waiting to see what happens....


----------



## RedWylder

I've been a volunteer for about a year and a half. I never really thought I'd get into it either but when life throws you opportunities it's best not to say no. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done and like most challenges completely worth it in the end. More women should get into the fire service because it's definitely empowering.

Starry- I'm ready for our snow to be gone as well! The other day I saw some grass and got excited. Spring is on it's way. woot woot!!


----------



## RedWylder

On another note, my ovary feels like it's exploding right now. I have a sharp stabbing pain in mp lower left quadrant (sorry EMT speak). If I was anywhere near ovulation time I'd be jumping for joy. As it is, I think it's probably just my body freaking out because it's stupid.


----------



## Starry Night

Maybe it's warming up? I got some one-sided pain and little bits of ewcm around cd13 or 14 and I didn't actually ovulate until my usual time, if not later, around CD23 or so.


----------



## RedWylder

I hope it's a good sign. I'm going to go pick up some pregnancy tests and test just to make sure it's not an ectopic pregnancy. It's quite a bit more painful than any other O pain I've felt before.


----------



## rayraykay

Hi! I was hoping someone would have an idea for me...

On the 24th, I had the really thick CM... it felt like I peed my pants. I was worried it was AF...but when I checked it was creamy white. Around the same time, I had tingly bbs. My husband and I have gotten busy (ha ha) all but four days since March 15th just to be safe. End of last week and into this week, I have been exhausted, on and off headaches, peeing what seems like more often, and feeling "sea sick" like on and off all day. I was also STARVING yesterday. I would eat, then an hour later I was hungry again. I thought this morning would be a good day to test, but I think it was too soon as I got a BFN. I was feeling really down about it but I have to remember I'm not out until AF shows her ugly face.

So today, about five minutes ago, I started having menstrual like cramps, but only for about five minutes, and along with the cramping, the cramps when into my back and I felt a slight pulling under my belly button. What could that be? Is it AF about to show her face or could it be related to early pregnancy? Any help/thoughts/info would be much appreciated. The cramps are now gone completely.. but the sea sickness has somewhat returned...

Thank you ladies


----------



## Starry Night

The pulling under the belly button sounds like it could be pregnancy. Also, the on and off again nausea would make me suspicious. Did you get these with your last pregnancy?

I also got loads of cm. One day it honestly started to run down my legs! But this was well before I got my bfp. I must have noticed the change in cm within a day or two of ovulating as it was over a week before I even got the shadow lines I thought were evaps.

Wait a few more days if not a week and try again. Good luck!

Red - I know we can't compare pain...especially over the internet...but some of my ov pains have been quite vile. It was like someone was sticking a hot pin into me. And my ov signs this past month were especially intense so maybe it's a good sign for you too!


----------



## rayraykay

The nausea comes every day... just sometimes it's worse than others. This was what I remember from last time.... I am going to hold out again for as long as I can. AHH! 

Thank you


----------



## anchor08

Good luck, so hard to wait but it sounds promising!


----------



## Carybear

Rayray... The last time, I had nausea off and on... I thought it was because I was so stressed at work... I definitely remember the pulling pain under the belly button... Sounds very good  sending lots of :dust: your way...

Starry and anchor I'm so excited for you and hope to join you very soon!

AFM - still waiting... There's been so much stress lately. My mom - who is my best friend- was diagnosed with breast cancer and she is waiting to hear about a biopsy on her lung. My grandfather is 96 and he fell and broke his hip really bad... Work is crazy and I'm exhausted 99% of the time... But I am at peace with whether or not I am pregnant...


----------



## Left wonderin

Hello everyone :))) I was offline for 2 days but am back :)) well I'm waiting for crosshairs on ff , I'm loving this temp taking :) another thing to obsess over. Me and oh did everything we could this month b'ding 7 days in a row ! Poor man is exhausted lol..... Now it's all up to Mother Nature :) here is wishing , hoping and praying she is kind this month xxx 

Hi everyone :))


----------



## rayraykay

yay!! sending :dust: your way!!


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Cary, so sorry to hear about your mom. I hope the biopsy on her lung comes back clear so they can focus on the breast cancer. My grandmother has been cancer free for a few years now so there is always hope! And I hope your grandpa feels better soon.

:dust: to everyone


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Starry... Lung came back with three spots of cancer... 

Kinda puts things in perspective


----------



## RedWylder

Oh Cary I'm so sorry. Watching ones parents' health decline is so hard. :hug:

Left- Im glad you are temping. I actually find it helps me pass the weeks and gives me something to do.

Ray ray-any news?

AFM- the sharp stabbing pain I had yesterday continued to intensify so much that I was very close to going to the ER. I read somewhere about women on clomid having pain like this and it turning out to be ovulation. So I made my hubby have sex with me which hurt more than it felt good but I used my softcup and tried to trap the little guys up there just in case I was ovulating. After that the pain was worse and I could barely walk so I took some tylenol and went to bed. I woke up this morning pain free with a bit of a temp rise. Maybe I did ovulate after all. If so that would be a record at 10 days early. I'll know more by watching my temps. If they dip tomorrow then it was probably a cyst and not ovulation. BUT if I did ovulate and I did get pregnant my due date would be CHRISTMAS DAY EXACTLY! How cool would that be?! Damn I wish I could speed up time and know if ovulation did occur.


----------



## Starry Night

:dust: for a Christmas baby!!

Cary - That really sucks. :nope: Cancer is such a crap disease. I really hope your mom can beat it and send it back to the pit where it belongs. I also have a really tight relationship with my mom so I can imagine how you must be feeling. So scary. :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Thanks.. That means so much to me! We used that exact phrase... Send it back to the put where it belongs... So we are agreed... Hard time right now and for someone reason it makes me miss the baby I would be carrying all the more...

But I'm positive that my mom will beat this and she will be around to hold and cuddle my little rainbow babies...

Still waiting... Talked to someone about progesterone... Is it possible to get progesterone over the counter?


----------



## RedWylder

Cary you can try some progesterone cream. You can get some at your local GNC but I've been buying Emerita Pro-gest from amazon.

AFM- no christmas day baby...temps are back down. Boo. I guess that means all that pain was probably a cyst. Time to call the doc.


----------



## Carybear

I'm sorry red... Hope you find something out... I have a cyst that they were able o see on the ultrasound, but they sad it won't affect me in terms of getting pregnant and staying pregnant


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary so sorry to hear about your mum , news like that is scary but on the other side medicine has so improved in the area of cancer treatment . My uncle was diagnosed with lung cancer last year and has now made a full recovery and is cancer free :) he also had it as a secondary cancer ( of the bowel ) but he beat that too :) . If your mum is half as strong and positive a lady as you she will send it packing ! 

Red so sorry your temp dropped :( and you had that pain . Getting it checked out by the doc prob the best thing to do . 

Me I'm 3dpo ff put me a o/v on Tuesday .. Taking my temp at the same time every morning is proving difficult as oh is on earlies in work and gets up at 4.30am ... I temp at 6.30-7 . I always wake up when he is leaving and then think crap should I temp now but it is not the same time as I stated charting with and then panic that I won't have 3 hours uninterrupted sleep before waking again at 7 !! So wake every hour . Last few temps a bit all over the place lol...... Any advice ?


----------



## RedWylder

I would temp when you wake up at 4:30 and then again at 6:30-7 and then average the temps out until you can pick a new schedule. Or since you've already ovulated, just go with the flow until next cycle. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Sounds like a plan Red thanks :)


----------



## charmfan

Hey ladies I'd like to share my story because I think I'm annoying my friends and I dont really have anyone to talk to :(

We were ttc #3 for almost a year, got a bfp last July, everything was great until my waters broke at 22 +4, Little William was born on 19th Dec 2012 at 23+6 but sadly gained his wings at 8 days old.

Words can't express how broken I am and how I NEED to have a baby to fill the hole I'm feeling (yes I know I cant replace him and nor do I want to)

Stopped taking microgynon on 14th March (3 pills left) as we decided it is time to start trying again considering how long it took to conceive last time,

So.....3 weeks through cycle one!!

Best of luck to those who are also trying for their rainbow baby! :hugs::hugs:


----------



## rayraykay

charmfan-

Welcome. I am deeply sorry for your loss. You have definitely come to the right place for support. I've found you can vent, ask questions and really say anything you want here. Every woman has great answers and opinions.. And best of all tremendous support and love. When I experienced my loss in November I felt so alone and my DH was at a loss of what he could tell me after awhile, then I found this website and I never ever feel alone. I am so glad you came, best of luck to you in getting your rainbow baby, I know it will come for you soon. Sending you lots of baby dust. 

xoxo


----------



## charmfan

rayraykay said:


> charmfan-
> 
> Welcome. I am deeply sorry for your loss. You have definitely come to the right place for support. I've found you can vent, ask questions and really say anything you want here. Every woman has great answers and opinions.. And best of all tremendous support and love. When I experienced my loss in November I felt so alone and my DH was at a loss of what he could tell me after awhile, then I found this website and I never ever feel alone. I am so glad you came, best of luck to you in getting your rainbow baby, I know it will come for you soon. Sending you lots of baby dust.
> 
> xoxo

Thank you so much it means a lot, I'm sure I'm going to be driving myself up the wall ttc again lol :)


----------



## RedWylder

Welcome Charmfan. We are always happy to listen here because all of us have been in the same place where we had no one to talk to in the real world.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hello charf , welcome to our thread :) I'm sorry for the loss of your little soul . The women on this thread are a great bunch of people who offer great support, encouragement and a listening ear . The advice isn't too bad either lol.... 

Hope everyone enjoying their Sunday , I'm having a very lazy day haven't got out of my pjs yet , movies on tv and eating Easter eggs ! I'm 5dpo today so nothing much to report here :)


----------



## Starry Night

Welcome, charm. I am so sorry for your loss. That sounds so hard. :hugs: I think it's perfectly normal to want a new baby to fill the gap. As all of us who have had losses know, it's not about replacing the lost baby. It's about finding a new source of joy when things seem so bleak. We have that ache for a little one in our arms and nothing else will satisfy. 

I hope your journey to your rainbow is short and sweet and that you'll have a little brother or sister for William soon.


----------



## Carybear

Welcome Charm...

Ok... so im wondering what is going on. Since my one day full bleed period and four days of spotting in March... i have had pain (kind of like a shooting, stretching pain) that goes fom my belly button into my groin.. There is also a little pain on each side that stretches into my thigh... They are short maybe a few seconds... So, I got a lot of ewcm two days ago and decided to do an OPK. I did an OPK last night and this morning. Last night it was almost the same color as the control line. Ths morning it was darker than the control line. But, today I got a ton of white creamy lotiony cm... It looked like I had put lotion in my underwear. If my OPK is darker than the control line that means that I should ovulate within 24-36 hours... Right? Why would I be getting the creamy cm?

My breasts started to get really sore on Friday... I was outside and it was cool and they started to throb... They are definitely fuller... BUT... All HPT's have a slight shadow but no true line!

Sure wish I knew what was going on?


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary must be so confusing for you but I wouldn't waste the +Opk ;) us gals need to take every opportunity lol....


----------



## Carybear

Lol... Def going to make use of every opportunity  have to make hubby get up  he worked side jobs this weekend


----------



## RedWylder

No idea Cary. I'm so sick of mixed signals. That's the thing that keeps me temping. It's the only way I KNOW when I ovulate because if I trusted other signs I would have figured I ovulated much sooner. Left is right, don't waste the +OPK!


----------



## Carybear

Ok... So dark positive again this morning...

I found someone who had the same thing happen to them...the post was two years old and nobody had ever answered her question, but... She had a one day period and negative hpt... Then, the next month she got a positive...

So... I'm wondering (it was her question too) is it some weird thing where your body gears up to get pregnant and so you don't shed as much lining... Or are you further along but the hpt doesn't show up for a long time...

Sure wish I could find out what happened to her. Doctors never give me straight answers..

So... If I'm pregnant than I don't think some extra bd will hurt... And if I'm not then I def want to bd as much as possible since I've had three positive OPK's....


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary you must be so frustrated !! Not knowing where you stand and where things are at is so hard. Did you go to the doctor ? If so what did they say ? Sorry you may already have posted this and I missed it . My doc told me for anything to be considered a period or Mensa it needs to be minimum of three days .


----------



## Carybear

I've been to two lousy doctors... I've never been given a single answer...

It's frustrating, but honestly there is nothing I can do about it... What else am I supposed to do? The thing is I had a three day period in January, a two-three day period in February and only one day in march... But I've been tested and my egg quantity is really good...

Had another VERY positive OPK tonight... So we keep at it until they aren't positive anymore and then I will do it one more night... Just in case... Then the countdown begins...

I've now had three days of positive OPK's 

Left: How are you doing in the tww?


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - that does sound frustrating. I've never heard anything like it. The doctors wouldn't even give you blood work? Hope all these positive OPKs mean you're getting a really good, sticky egg!

AFM - had more spotting today. It was the same as the other day only brown. We had gone to the city to submit our passport applications (we had been planning a trip but are cancelling it now I'm pregnant) and since it's quite a drive we did some walking around at one or two of the malls as the application process was surprisingly quick. We were only there an hour! We beat the rush by about 2 minutes. I kid you not. LOL Anyways, started spotting...only when I dabbed up there. DH is now putting me on unofficial bed rest. I was really hoping I could have a normal pregnancy where I could do normal things like go to the mall. :( 

The spotting is slowing again and I'm getting my stretching cramps so trying to stay positive. But I'm making DH buy me a hpt tomorrow. I just need to see that "pregnant" result.


----------



## RedWylder

Oh Starry I hope everything is fine and the little bean is snuggling in tight!


----------



## Carybear

Praying that all is fine Starry... That the little bean holds on tight


----------



## Carybear

Very dark OPK again this morning... Line comes up before the control line... Wish that happened on a hpt...


----------



## Carybear

This is the fourth day in a row...


----------



## RedWylder

Looks goood!


----------



## Starry Night

OPKs usually confuse me but even I can tell that's a definite positive.


----------



## Carybear

its been that dark for four days... So exactly when did I o... Or will I o? If its 24-36 hours after a positive... It was that dark last night too... So it doesn't matter what time of day.

Guess I will keep doing them to see when it stops....


----------



## Starry Night

It is tough. I don't use OPKs but this past cycle I got my usual ovulation signs for about a week. I have no idea when I actually ovulated so I think that's what led to my confusion on when to take a hpt. I do recall the morning after my last day of ewcm I woke up feeling a bit chill even though the room was quite warm. Don't temps take a dip after you ovulate? I know I'm using that day to date my pregnancy so far.

I know you don't temp (I don't either) but maybe pay attention to your warm and cold flashes as well?


----------



## Carybear

This morning I woke to a blood taste in my mouth.. Thinking that it might be sinuses... The OPK was really really dark... Wish I knew what was going on...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary I wish you temped, lol. It would be so much easier to tell what was going on.


----------



## Starry Night

Now I'm really curious to know what is going on. But this cycle I had ov signs for a week straight. Sometimes I think it just lasts that long.


----------



## Carybear

I had some pinching pain on my right side today... Maybe I actually ovulated today... Any chance that a really dark OPK means that more thn one egg is released?


----------



## Starry Night

That would be something to look up. I don't know how fraternal twins work or how often more than one egg is released.

I had conceived twins with my son's pregnancy and I don't remember that feeling any different from other cycles but it was over two years ago.


----------



## Carybear

I did an OPK tonight and there was just a faint line... Hoping that means I o'd... Gonna do one in the morning just in case my pee was diluted... I did drink a lot and I've one to the bathroom a pole of times


----------



## anchor08

Pinching ovary pain plus a negative OPK is a great sign, phew!


----------



## Starry Night

I guess we can welcome you to the TWW. :)


----------



## Carybear

Yeah... Finally!!!!!! The OPK was nothing more than a faint shadow today... Interestingly enough there was a faint shadow on the hpt... But I'm thinking it was the batch I bought... Anyhow... I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. I read that ovulation pain in both sides means you're gearing up to ovulate but pain in just one side means you're ovulating... If that is the case, I would have ovulated yesterday mid morning... We DTD on Tuesday night so I'm thinking the timing was good... The fact that I couldn't have shed much lining given my one day AF maybe means things are looking good for this time around???

I had quite an LH surge... Lol...


----------



## Left wonderin

Ya sure had Cary , hoping that means one big healthy egg :) 

AFM 9 DPO , into double figures tommrow . I feel sick when I think of testing ..... Ignorance is bliss !! Not testing till minimum day AF is due which is next Wednesday and hoping if no show to test on Thursday . Busy week ahead in work which I'm hoping will mean no thinking time for me :)


----------



## RedWylder

Yay! Glad to hear you finally O'd! I'm in a holding pattern. Once again clomid has failed to do anything for my late ovulation. I'm on CD 19 my OPKs are getting lighter and my temperature is still down. I hate this. Sorry to be bitter.


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Red, I'd be bitter too in your situation. Are you still ovulating?

Cary - glad that your body final decided to finish its LH surge. Good luck to you!


----------



## Carybear

Red... Is there another step you will be able to try? Hoping that you o soon and get the surprise of your life!


----------



## RedWylder

I'm sure there is another step. I think I'm still ovulating. I usually O no later than CD22 (one cycle at 23) so I should know in the next few days. I've got lots of EWCM so I think that O is right around the corner I was just hoping that the stabbing pain on cd 12 meant I was actually going to O early but alas... no change in temperatures from the last two months. The one benefit from Oing so late is my TWW wait is more like 1.5WW. I know sooner than most of you if it's going to be a good cycle or not.


----------



## anchor08

Left wonderin said:


> Ya sure had Cary , hoping that means one big healthy egg :)
> 
> AFM 9 DPO , into double figures tommrow . I feel sick when I think of testing ..... Ignorance is bliss !! Not testing till minimum day AF is due which is next Wednesday and hoping if no show to test on Thursday . Busy week ahead in work which I'm hoping will mean no thinking time for me :)

Good for you Left, distractions are the key! Really hoping for you.


----------



## Topanga053

Hey ladies, I know it's been forever since I've posted. Congrats to all of the ladies who got their BFPs! Red- so sorry that the Clomid hasn't moved your ovulation date earlier.. I know how frustrating it is to ovulate late! But, like you said, at least you get a shorter TWW! ;-)

AFM, BFN after the first cycle of Clomid in February. DH and I decided to stop the Clomid for awhile and just go back to natural cycles. I've made the decision to *try* to stop obsessing so much, which is why I haven't been on here at all. I'm not using Clomid, not charting, not using OPKs, not researching, not coming here (except for today!), and not hanging out with my pregnant friends/friends with newborns. At the same time, I've gone on antidepressants and am still meeting with a therapist. All of those changes have helped my quality of life SO MUCH! It's still stressful, but so much easier when I'm focusing on things other than TTC, like building our new house! We got a BFN again in March. I'm just finishing up AF and heading into our 7th cycle post-miscarriage. It's discouraging, but, like I said, much, much easier when I focus on things in my life other than TTC. It *almost* makes TTC feel like it used to, before the loss! 

Anyway, I just wanted you all to know why I'm not really here anymore, but that I'm still thinking of all of you! I'm sure I'll pop on every once in a blue moon, like today! Good luck everyone!


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Topanga - glad you have found a way to heal and find peace in your life. I hope you continue to feel better and that you get your rainbow soon!


----------



## Carybear

Good to hear from you Topanga! We've missed you, but I completely understand... Sometimes we just have to walk away for awhile...

Anchor, how's it going?

Starry, I'm so glad to hear that the spotting has ended and you are getting rest.. Nothing you have to do is more important than that baby...

Left... Any new symptoms???

Red any news on o'ing

AFM... Guess I'm in the two week wait... We shall see


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Topanga its really good to hear from you and here you are doing so well :) I'm sure you will get your BFP soon and how exciting about building a new house , I've always wanted to do that ! 

Anchor how are things with you Hun ? 

Red any news on oing ? 

Cary welcome to the Tww your right behind me :) 

AFM : heading into 11dpo , temp stated up this am but didn't rise, I've more creamy cm than last month and today and yesterday think I've burning in my nipples ( not sore boobs ) but thinking that is all in my head about my boobs as its the only symptom I remember for my last BFP ...... Well lets wait and see what temps do tommrow .....


----------



## Carybear

FX'd for ya left....


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Cary afraid to say it or write it down but feeling kinda hopeful ( shhhhh that's a secret ) lol......


----------



## anchor08

Topanga053 said:


> Anyway, I just wanted you all to know why I'm not really here anymore, but that I'm still thinking of all of you! I'm sure I'll pop on every once in a blue moon, like today! Good luck everyone!

Thanks for coming on here and saying hi Topanga, we miss you but I'm so glad to hear that you're doing well, even though the circumstances are still difficult. I really hope you get a bfp soon and join us here again!

Left, I'm feeling hopeful for you too! When are you thinking of testing?

I'm doing okay, symptoms have me up and down but it's all worth it (and I think I have it pretty good compared to most). My first appointment (hopefully a scan) won't be until the 25th, which seems so impossibly far away. This weekend and next week I'll be at the dates when I miscarried last time, and it's really hard to face that barrier without knowing anything about what's going on, but hopefully I'll get through it!


----------



## Carybear

Thinking about you anchor and praying that this is your rainbow... 

Lol... Left... I promise not to tell


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor those milestones must be tough to get through , I'm sure everything will be just fine. It's a pity we don't have a device that can fast forward or speed up time :( xxx. 

No test yet although I'm getting more tempted . Think ill test on Wednesday , the day AF is due .


----------



## Carybear

AF should be either next Saturday or Sunday for me... Since I have a lot of cheapies... Even though I know it is probably counter productive... And I was four days late before it showed up last time... Think I will test Monday, Wednesday, and Friday....

Last time, I had a one day period in October. I tested at the end of October and nothing... Didn't test again until I was four days late and my husband asked me to... I did and surprise it was positive... So, there was eight days in there when I could have been but didnt test...

I'm a firm believer that God will give us our babies in His time... So... All I can do is my part and then wait it out...

In non-baby news, I am one chapter away from finishing my next book! Of course, then I have to do all the editing and type it into all the formats for each of the places that I publish it in..

My mom has seen several drs and while the diagnosis is cancer, both are operable! The lung is still in a stage where they can remove it all! If there is no cancer in the lymph nodes- which we are believing there won't be- then she will not even need chemo or radiation!

Exhaustion has set in and I'm up for a couple of hours and then ready to take a nap... Wish I could blame it on pregnancy 

Sorry for the long post.... Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend...


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I was just about to ask after your mom. Glad there seems to be some bright light in her case. And that's great if she can avoid chemo and radiation. I hope she makes a full recovery!

anchor - thinking of you as you approach your milestones. You'll get through.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary that is such great news about your mam :) I'm just back from dinner with the girls even though there was no wine for me ( I drove that was my excuse ) it was so nice to get out of my own head for a while and live in the world outside of ttc lol.......


----------



## Carybear

Yeah... I couldn't be happier.. We really are taking it one day at a time... Tomorrow is the first day of me running the kids program at my church. I was there all day getting ready.. 

No wonder I'm tired


----------



## RedWylder

Topanga I completely know how you feel and I'm thinking about taking a break too from all of the "trying". I'm having such a hard month and I think it might be helpful.

Cary I hope this is your month and I'm so glad that your mom is treatable.

Anchor stay strong! If/when I ever get a bfp again I'll be dreading my own milestones. It wont be easy but I know I'll make it through just like you will. I'm sure in no time at all you'll be holding your little rainbow.

AFM- as mentioned having a hard month which I think is evident by my constant postings of negative thoughts (sorry!). I think I ovulated today because I had a small temperature rise but I'll wait and see tomorrow's temp to be sure but normally I feel so hopeful around this time and right now I just feel like crying- scratch that I already did but that's besides the point.

One of my good friends on here just got her first BFP after trying as long as I've been trying and I just broke down. I'm happy for her but my heart is heavy with my own loss. I'm trying to hang in there but not doin great at the moment.


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh Red I'm sorry you are having a hard time right now and not feeling so positive . Sometimes I think we all go through periods of time like that , it's then I think for me the support is most important . No one minds the negative posts its all about sharing h
Ow you are feeling the good and the bad ! We wouldn't need the group if we all were positive all of the time :) 

I do agree though its good sometime just to step outside of your own head for a while and concentrate on the whole of life and not just the ttc portion ! Your day will come of that I am certain xxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Left your chart is looking so good! I'm liking those raised temperatures. :)

I know you guys are right that it's normal to feel this way. If I don't get pregnant this month then I might take a break next month. Regardless I'm done with Clomid. It hasn't done anything but give me hot flashes, sharp stabbing pains, and mood swings. I'll be making another appointment with the doc soon to let him know the meds suck.


----------



## anchor08

Thanks so much for everyone's kind messages. 9+1 down, and everything seems good. When I found out I was pregnant again that helped me so much with the pain of my loss, but now that I'm at this point I'm realising that I still have some grieving to work through -- but I don't have to grieve my loss by worrying or being fearful about this baby. I can grieve the past and at the same time celebrate the present. Not easy, but I'm learning!


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - I hear you about learning to grieve for the past but celebrating the present. There were times I almost resented my son while I was pregnant with him because I knew I should be 3rd tri with my other baby. On Christmas morning I was in the shower feeling sad because I should have been bringing a newborn to my parents' house that day but now was only in the 1st tri of a complicated pregnancy that might also end badly. I had to stop and say, "no, this is the baby I've been given now and I will be happy about it. I miss my Lil Peanut and will always love her but she's gone. This baby needs my love too". It really changed my perspective and attitude. And I'm kind of going through that again but on a lesser scale because of the lessons I learned last time.

red - my heart really goes out to you. There is only so much I can say from my position. Just know I'm thinking of you and hoping you get your little miracle soon.


----------



## Carybear

Red... I understand... I really do. We tried for 2 1/2 years... Finally got our BFP and lost it four days later... Every month that goes by makes me wonder if it will be another 2 years... Stay strong, get help when you can and know that your time will come... We're all pulling for you!

AFM I've been in limbo for so long that I don't even know what to think! I'm physically exhausted from all the commitments that I have... Today I lead the kids ministry at church. It was exhausting. What was the hardest was workingwith kids, longing to have my own... I hear so much.. You're so lucky, you get to sleep in, don't need a babysitter, can go wherever you want whenever you want... People don't know how much that hurts.. We have a girl at church who has five children and is outspoken about how she doesn't want children... It hurt so much... But, I have to believe... I HAVE to believe that my time is coming.... It's what keeps me sane...

I don't really have any symptoms... I have lotiony cm... My lower stomach is a little crampy, I got a little heated yesterday and had lower back pain... But other than that nothing really...

Sorry or the long post... Hope everyone has a good week


----------



## RedWylder

So I'm now past my normal ovulation date and I'm beginning to wonder if ill ovulate at all. Whatever happened with that stabbing pain really messed up my cycle.


----------



## Carybear

Is it possible you ovulated and it just didnt show up?


----------



## RedWylder

I suppose anything is possible but I really doubt it. I normally have a very obvious temperature shift. That's something I don't think clomid would change. I feel like crying (more). This is just ridiculous. Can't my body get it together?!


----------



## Carybear

Thinking about you... Crying with you... Hoping for a miracle...


----------



## anchor08

Don't give up Red, all your signs are pointing to today as O day!


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks guys. I can't tell you how much your support means in the rough times. I'm going to call the doc and see what he wants me to do.


----------



## Carybear

Wow anchor... An olive 

Red... We're here...


----------



## Left wonderin

Red I'm here too :) sometimes don't ya just hate your flipping body !! It's so hard when we have absolutly no control over it . Did you talk to the doctor about the stabbing pain ? 

Hi Cary how did your Sunday school go in church ? 

AFM : 12 DPO ... Felt a little nauceous this evening but not taking it as a symptom . Could just be AF gearing up to show her ugly face !!


----------



## RedWylder

Left- I'm totally calling it. You have to be pregnant with those temps! If you're not sorry for getting your hopes up but if you are... It's now officially on the record. :)

AFM: called the doc. He has yet to return the call. He's probably delivering someone's baby :(. I can barely stomach looking at my friends journal on here now that she's pregnant. She's so ridiculously happy and I'm so far from that. If this friend happpens to read my comments here- I'm sorry! I'm happy for you but it's so hard to be around happy people right now. The rest of you.... good luck with your upcoming tests!! I promise I'll be happy for you when you get good news. I'll just be a bit grumpy but as long as you stay and listen to me whine I'm ok with it. Haha


----------



## Left wonderin

Red your totally forgiven if I'm not . I'm not allowing myself go there at all as I have a feeling ill be reeeeally disappointed this month as my due date would coincide with the date of my loss . But I'll forgive ya once you promise to put up with my negativity and disappointment for a few days . If its positive ill give you all the credit for calling it :) 

It is so flip in hard to be happy without the envious twinge for people who announce or are pg ! It's not that your not happy for them , over the moon even but you feel awful for yourself , it kinda awakens the sadness ye try keep dampened down on a daily bases. 

I highly recommend a night out with the girls ( even thought I was driving ) had one on Sat , no talk of babies, preg , cycles , lol..... It was bliss for a few hours ! But I also couldn't wait to get back to check in on what I'd missed on bnb :) it's offical I'm addicted !


----------



## RedWylder

Still no O. But if you compare this cycle and last cycle it appears I'm ready to O in 2 days...it's just 4 days late. :/

Here's the link for last cycle...
https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/chartgraph_module.php?d=2013-03-14&mode=a&ts=1366132140&u=


----------



## rayraykay

Red I am cheering for you. And Carybear. And Left. Anchor you are giving me hope that this pregnancy will last for me too. I am so hoping so.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh god heading into 15dpo and its time to :test::test::test:

I feel so nervous thinking of that 3 min wait !!! Please keep me in your prayers ladies :) ill keep ya posted .....


----------



## rayraykay

:dust::dust:


----------



## anchor08

RedWylder said:


> Still no O. But if you compare this cycle and last cycle it appears I'm ready to O in 2 days...it's just 4 days late. :/
> 
> Here's the link for last cycle...
> https://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/chartgraph_module.php?d=2013-03-14&mode=a&ts=1366132140&u=

You sound very positive today! 4 days late is really frustrating while it's happening, but not too bad in the grand scheme of things. Fingers crossed for you!



rayraykay said:


> Red I am cheering for you. And Carybear. And Left. Anchor you are giving me hope that this pregnancy will last for me too. I am so hoping so.

I really hope so too, hang in there! It can go so slowly at times, but before you know it you're much further along. Do you have an appointment scheduled?



Left wonderin said:


> Oh god heading into 15dpo and its time to :test::test::test:
> 
> I feel so nervous thinking of that 3 min wait !!! Please keep me in your prayers ladies :) ill keep ya posted .....

YES!!! Can't wait to see what you get. Why is FF telling you to test 5 days from now, that's crazy! Especially with your previous months' AF stats. I'm on the edge of my seat.


----------



## Left wonderin

Think cause its my first month to temp ? But no way I'm waiting 5 days lol....... Tommrow is d -day as long as I don't chicken out .... Don't think I'll sleep a wink !!


----------



## Left wonderin

rayraykay said:


> :dust::dust:

Rayray I hope I'm right behind you ;)


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck, left!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Ray ray....when did you find out??? Did I miss your big announcement?! Congrats!!!

Left- I'm rooting for you!! So nervous and excited for you.

AFM: I am feeling MORE positive but that's because I really couldn't be much lower. Just had some lab work done. I'm not sure what the doc hopes to find but I know I'm not preggo and my progesterone WILL be low because I haven't ovulated yet. I suppose it's minutely possible that I got pregnant ant that's why I haven't ovulated but it's not likely with my temps being the way they are. I will know more tomorrow or Thursday when I hear back about the labs.

Good luck to all those soon to be testing! I'm rooting for you!


----------



## rayraykay

Left- I'm pulling for ya girlfriend. I really really hope this is your month.

Red- yes! I got my BFP on April 6th. Then proceeded to take about 7 tests. Man, I'd love to know how much $$ I've spent on tests. I am so hoping this is your month too! And FYI.. I ovulated late this cycle and caught the egg. I took an OPK tests three times and got negatives day 10-13 after my period. I got so sad with the negatives I just said to myself "eff it. I can't take the sad faces." So I stopped and DH and I just got busy about every other day or sometimes every day and it happened. You will ovulate! And even if it's late... You'll catch that little eggie!!!

I have my first scan on Thursday. With my calculations I can't be more than about 5-5 1/2 weeks. I'm so scared. I want my rainbow so bad. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible.

:dust: to all xoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

Well ladies ...... Temps dropped this am ..... Bfn........ I guess the witch is on her way ...... Errrrrrrrrr 

On to the next cycle ..... Only 14 to trying again :)


----------



## anchor08

Left wonderin said:


> Well ladies ...... Temps dropped this am ..... Bfn........ I guess the witch is on her way ...... Errrrrrrrrr
> 
> On to the next cycle ..... Only 14 to trying again :)

No! I really thought you had it, so sorry.


----------



## RedWylder

Dang it! Im annoyed for you. I was sure you caught the eggy this time. So sorry Left.


----------



## Left wonderin

:cry:Thanks girls and she arrived right on time as predicted by ff . Five mins of off loading , I'm disappointed at bfn of course but worse it awakens in me the sadness and loss of my little lost soul:cry: I should be 30 weeks today and shouldn't be staring at a bfn . 

Ok rant over , I'm having a forbidden beer :) I can cause I'm not up the duff right lol..... On the plus side looks like I have a long LP of 14 days which is a good thing ? And this is my second cycle of 29 days since mc which means my cycles are back to pre mc . 

Now all I need is to catch the bloody egg !!!


----------



## anchor08

Enjoy the beer! And yes, long LP and normal (for you) cycle length are both great signs. I know it's so hard, but I love your positive attitude. Feel free to vent all you need to though.


----------



## rayraykay

Left- I am so sorry AF showed her ugly face. You sound like you're looking forward tho, which is a great thing. You WILL catch that bloody egg I promise. Enjoy your beer. Maybe have one for me too? ;)


----------



## RedWylder

Alcohol....god's gift to TTC women everywhere!!


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Sorry that AF showed up, Left. Enjoy your beer for it may be your last for a very long time! FX'd!


----------



## NinaC

Hey Ladies, Ive really enjoyed reading your thread and seeing how much support you all give to each other. I hope you dont mind me joining but feel like I could do with someone to talk to every now and again. This TTC business seems to have gotten me on an emotional rollercoaster that just never seems to stop! A little about me  myself (35) and my partner (39) have been trying to conceive for 2 years now and finally got our first BFP just after Christmas 2012. We were totally over the moon but unfortunately we lost our angel on 10/02/13 at 8 weeks. I had a D&C and was told by my doctor I was able to start my second round of Clomid as soon as I had had my first period. I did as I was told and would you believe it I got my second BFP on 05/04/13. Id love to be able to say it went well but I lost our second Angel on 11/04/13  5 weeks. So here I am, day 8 of my current cycle and Ive decided to give Clomid a miss this time round, stop temping, peeing on sticks and just get my head together. Were going on holiday in 2 weeks so Im hoping that a month off what seems to have become a total military operation will chill me out and give me some time to relax a bit. Ill still be checking my CM and DTD around ovulation. Just keeping everything crossed that a more relaxed cycle could give me what I want! Sorry for the long old post ... I'm off to try some yoga at lunch :thumbup:


----------



## Carybear

Welcome Nina... Sorry for your losses... 

Left sending massive :hugs: ... And praying for a BFP this next cycle!

Starry how are you feeling?

Red... Lol... Any news on the o?

Rayray... Congrats to you.. A healthy and happy nine months to all the BFP'S


----------



## RedWylder

Hi Nina, we'd love to have you around. This an awesome bunch of ladies who know exactly how you are feeling because we've all been through something similar. We've had quite a bit of success with several ladies already getting their BFPs. The ones that have tend to stick around and give all of us left behind lots of support. You came to the right place. 

AFM: I think I'm O'ing today based on the temperature rise. Hopefully I'll get a true spike tomorrow.


----------



## Carybear

Awesome Red! 

Tested this morning... Bfn... Getting lots of creamy cm and very exhausted, but not much for symptoms...

I had lower back pain yesterday....I wondered if you get pain with implantation. Back pain for me is a bad sign... I had t all night before I started to spot and eventually miscarried...

Then, in February I had a faint line and got severe back pain right before AF started...

But this was different. It was off and on for a couple of hours... Then, nothing today...

AF is due Saturday... So I'm going to wait and test on Sunday....


----------



## NinaC

Arrrrh, thanks everyone. It will be great to have you guys to talk to. I'm originally from London and now live permanently in Sydney so sometimes being away from my Mum and best friends can be hard. Everyone I seem to know at the moment is pregnant so you know the drill &#8230; happy for them but sad for me! Anyway, trying to stay positive and hope that we all get our BFP&#8217;s again soon.

Cary &#8211; good luck with your testing this Sunday. 

Red &#8211; hoping you manage to catch that egg!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi nina :) and welcome , I'm so sorry you have had a rough time :(


----------



## anchor08

Welcome Nina, I'm glad you've found us, this is a great group. I hope your relaxed approach this month will give you a BFP that sticks, but at least that it will refresh you to keep going in whatever way seems right for you two. I'm also a few continents away from family and that makes it harder sometimes!


----------



## RedWylder

Nina I know what you mean. I live 4000 miles away from my family and while I love my location, no place is complete without your family.

AFM- temps back down and no ovulation. I'm on CD 26 and I'm ready for this nightmare of a cycle to be over. I wish AF would come so I can start over.


----------



## NinaC

Thanks Left &#8230; the same goes for you guys.

Anchor &#8211; Huge congrats on your recent BFP! So happy for you.

Red &#8211; It&#8217;s crazy that once we know the cycle hasn&#8217;t worked and see that drop we actually wish for AF just so we can start again. Whoever would have thought a simple drop in temperature could bring on such emotion! Chin up Lady!

AFM: CD 9 today and despite my relaxed month I&#8217;m so temped to buy some more OPK&#8217;s and start checking tomorrow &#8211; Will try and resist but I&#8217;m not holding my breath!!!


----------



## anchor08

Argh Red, I'm so frustrated for you! I really hope you still O late.


----------



## rayraykay

Welcome Nina! I'm glad you're here. 

Red- I o'ed way late this cycle so I really hope you do too


----------



## Starry Night

Nina - welcome to our little group. I am sorry for your losses. I can't imagine how devastating that must have been. I hope you catch your sticky bean soon!

Red - How frustrating! I'm sorry that your body is not cooperating with you. :hugs:

Cary - it's still pretty early so don't let the bfn get you down. I think "pregnant cm" is different for everyone. Mine actually completely dried up just days before my bfp and didn't come back until a week later. And lower back pain is pretty common in early pregnancy as long as it's not severe or persistent. So that could be a good sign! Good luck!

afm - my morning sickness has plateaued at intermittent nausea and decreased appetite which I'm thankful for. M/S is not a positive sign for me as the sickest I ever got was with my latest loss. I am having loads of gas this time around and my body is on such a routine that everyday after supper I get trapped wind and it builds and builds until I feel like my stomach is about to explode when I finally start passing it around 10:30 and then I feel OK.

Saw my doctor yesterday and convinced him to schedule an early scan! :happydance: Where I am they won't give you one until 20 weeks normally. Now I'm just waiting to receive my referral in the mail. I hope it comes early next week and that the scan isn't much further after that.


----------



## rayraykay

Ah good starry. I'm so glad you'll be able to get an early scan. It can be very very helpful.


----------



## Carybear

Starry that is awesome! 

Red... Still FX'd for ya..

Well... I cheeked my cervix today.. Day before AF is due and it is so high I can't hardly reach it... It's soft, but I can't tell if its open or not, because I can barely touch it... I've read different thoughts on the subject...

My breasts started hurting last night... I felt like someone was sticking a needle in the nipple. It was a little painful to sleep on my stomach last night... I'm very thirsty too... The one thing that I have noticed is I'm not very hungry... But that could be stress related as my students are completing state test this week and next...

My mom goes in for surgery on Monday to take care of the lung cancer... If you pray, please pray for a successful surgery. Her name is Carol.

I went to the thyroid dr today... And GREAT NEWS! My thyroid is completely normal! I've been off of meds for hyperthyroidism since December! This s great because the drug PTU is a class c drug. I often wonder if that is what caused my mc...

Sending happy thoughts to all those who are preggers and those soon to be...


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary your mum carol will be in my thoughts and prayers xx great news on the thyroid front :) sore nipples , good sign . I feel like I'm growing my own bump just pigged out on left over Easter eggs ugh !!


----------



## Carybear

Lol left.... I splurged on a giant chocolate chip cookie from panera today... And I've been on a coke kick this week and I try to stay away from soda but I really needed it...


----------



## RedWylder

Well I'm hanging in there with not much change. Still no O. I'm trying to move on and thinking of the future. I might be taking a break soon. I'm probably going to ditch the clomid and maybe even temping. That would be hard to do since I've temped since I first started TTC.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red :( that must be so frustrating ! What's going on !!!!


----------



## Carybear

I'm sorry Red... It is very frustrating!

I tested this morning BFN... Cervix is still so high I can't reach it, but I totally forgot that my body has changed to 33 days instead of 30 so I shouldn't expect AF until next Tuesday... If I ovulated on the Thursday I felt the pain, then today I am only 9dpo... Which is early


----------



## RedWylder

Ok I've done it. I've put the thermometer and all other TTC stuff away! I feel like I've been attached at the hip with that thing since I first started TTC. I've decided to give not trying a try. Surprisingly I feel at peace with this although it was a hard decision.

I might try and stay away from here a little bit more so don't worry if I'm not as chatty. But I'll definitely be checking in from time to time. :)


----------



## Starry Night

Red - you do what you have to in order to achieve a peace of mind. 

Cary - yeah 9dpo is quite early. Not many girls get a bfp at that point. A high cervix sounds like a good sign but don't be discouraged if it drops. Mine would drop every other day or so leading up to my bfp. It always went back up though. Good luck!

AFM - had more spotting last night so am trying harder to take it easy. I thought I could handle doing a few small chores (like tidying DS' toys) but I guess that was too much. :( I have so much guilt for being on bed rest! It's really hard to shake even though I know it's for good cause and everyone is being so supportive. But I am a little afraid because when I was on bed rest with DS everyone told me that they understood and supported me but after several weeks I started to hear complaints how I was never there for them or I should have been somewhere or doing something and they had been mad at me the whole time. And these were some of my closest friends! So I'm scared people are secretly resenting me. I've already had to back out of some commitments.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red a brave decision and sounds like the right one for you :) my oh this month wanted me to stop trying so hard and leave it up to nature , I'm not ready to do that yet but he has a point . Last time I fell pg we were ntnp so can't argue with him lol...... Ill temp for a few months yet till I really see what's the pattern with,y cycle and then maybe its astlaviesta to the temp taking :)


----------



## RedWylder

It was a decision that was a long time coming but I was never ready to just give up. When you're ready, though, it just feels right. My right moment came after a very low time in my TTC process. Finally I was at a breaking point where I could choose to move on with my life or let it control me and I'm just not the type of person that's going to let something like this prevent me from living and enjoying life. Today was my first day not temping and it feels....different. I'll let you know how I do with it in the long term.

Starry- why are you on bed rest? Is it the morning sickness? I hope you feel better hun!

Cary- I really hope good news comes your way soon.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry feck the begrudgers !!! This is the most important thing in your life right now and you NEED to do what is right for you . Forget everyone else .... Those who don't understand after all you have been through are not real friends . 
Take all the rest you need xxx


----------



## Carybear

Red... Congrats on making a hard decision... I'm still waiting,, I miss calculated AF and it should be here by Tuesday... I've had cramps off andon... Cervix was lower yesterday but very high today. BUT if there is no BFP this month, then I too am hanging up my hat and moving on... If it happens, it happens... Hard decision but one that I think makes the most sense for me...

Starry... Get as much rest as you can. Once your holding that little one in your arms, then you can get all the work done that needs to be done.

Hello to everyone...


----------



## Starry Night

Red - I'm on bed rest because I have spotting. It's aggravated by moving about or even standing for longer than 5 minutes. So far it's not as bad as it was with my son. I seem to spot with every pregnancy and am hoping this is another one with a happy ending!

Hope everyone is doing well.


----------



## Left wonderin

Did you have to bed rest with your son for long starry or is it only in the first tri ?


----------



## Carybear

Praying that you have a happy and healthy 9 months Starry...

Bfn today for me... Cervix came down lower but then went up way high again... With my mom at the hospital now. Surgery is at 12:30...


----------



## Starry Night

With my son I was on bed rest the first 6 months. I had a sch in the womb and it caused a partial placenta abruption. Once that healed I was able to return to normal activity. I'm hoping this time that I can go back to normal by second tri.

Cary - thinking of you and your mom. Hope the surgery is a huge success!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary hope all went well with your mum today and she is on the mend .Starry 6 months of bed rest how did you cope !!!!!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks starry and left... She is in recovery right now.. Still waiting to see her.. Been here since 9:30 this morning...


----------



## Starry Night

Not ready to get into it now, but it looks like I'll be joining you ladies again soon. Had a quick scan at the hospital and nothing was there. :( Hopefully, will get confirmed one way or the other by the end of the week but I'm not expecting good news (neither is the doctor). Been through this enough to recognize a lot of the signs.

I'll be laying low until I know more.


----------



## RedWylder

Oh Starry, hugs lady. We all know how you are feeling. Hang in there. We'll be here.


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. Like the ticker, by the way. ha ha! "Freelancing" is a great way to put it.


----------



## Carybear

Sending :hugs::hugs: and more :hugs: Starry....


----------



## rayraykay

I hope your momma is okay cary. Sending love and light your way.

Starry I'm so sorry. I don't have the words to express. Sending love and hugs. xoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

Isn't life just crap sometimes :( Starry I'm so sorry to read your news . Hope your doing the best you can and are minding yourself , we are all standing right behind you xxx 

Puppies are a great distraction , I forgot to temp again this morning oops , better to remember to bd at the weekend lol...


----------



## anchor08

I'm so sorry Starry, that's devastating news. We're all here for you.


----------



## RedWylder

Left wonderin said:


> Puppies are a great distraction , I forgot to temp again this morning oops , better to remember to bd at the weekend lol...

I LOVE puppies. I can't believe you've already reached the stage in your NEXT cycle that you can start thinking of bding. I hate my body. I still don't know if I ever ovulated or not or when I'll start my period.

Starry, how you hanging in there?


----------



## Starry Night

Feels like a waking nightmare, to be honest. Feel all dead inside. :( I know I'll cope better once I know for sure and have passed the baby if it comes to that. The desperate part of me will keep holding onto that slim hope of the doctor making a mistake once before (maybe I'll be number 2?) which is preventing true acceptance. I got for another hcg draw tomorrow and the doctor promised to call with the results. That should give me a pretty clear idea of where I stand. My scan is on Friday.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry your pain is almost tangible :( feeling dead inside is the best way I've heard the feeling described ever . Not knowing sometimes is the hardest part of anything :( 

I'm thinking of you xxxx


----------



## Carybear

Starry... I'm praying for you... The worst part or me was the waiting... I was in the ER and had to wait 2 days for the second blood draw and then another day or the results... I'm so sorry.. Sending massive hugs to ya


----------



## Starry Night

My scan got bumped up to tomorrow morning so hopefully the results won't take too long to come in (probably a few days). Still going for my betas as those will come in quicker.

Cary - how is your mom doing?


----------



## Carybear

She is doing awesome! She was walking today and doing breathing exercises... They took a third of her lung but got all the cancer...

She might come home tomorrow.. While I am happy, it is a little scary for me... Trying to balance work, home, commitments, and taking care of my mom... I keep repeating the verse that says He will nt give us more than we can handle


----------



## Carybear

Well ladies... AF got me... I'm hanging my ttc hat up... If it happens it happens... If not then God has other plans. I won't be around that much, but I will stop in from time to time to check in on all the BFP'S 

God bless you all....


----------



## RedWylder

Awe Carey, I understand as I've recently just come to the same conclusion. Take all the time you need and we'll be here when you do want to talk.

Starry- I know how much you're hurting and I'm sooo sooo sorry. HUGS. I'm holding on to a slim hope that it's all ok as well.


----------



## NinaC

Hey Ladies, haven't had a chance to log on recently ...

Starry - I'm so truly sorry for what you're going through. It's amazing how unbelievably happy you can be one minute and then totally lost and empty the next. I'm keeping everything crossed your levels have risen tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

Cary - I'm sorry AF got you again. Since I decided to give up on temping and living the TTC nightmare this month I've actually felt a little better. It's still hard to completely remove yourself but even giving up temping makes me feel a bit more relaxed. I'm gonna try it "old skool" just BD every few days and hope that little egg is there waiting! P.S. so pleased to hear about your Mum. She sounds like a trooper  must be where you get your strength from! 

Red  I hope youre feeling a bit more relaxed without the temping  Ive kind of enjoyed waking up and not worrying about the difference in time from yesterday or the day before!

AFM  not much to report really. I've been a bit teary today (just too much time to think I guess!) Im on day 6 of a week long detox and hoping that after my loss 2 weeks ago my body is repairing itself ready for another go. I havent temped or even bothered BDing that much. My Dad is out visiting so thats kept me occupied for a while. Just thought Id say hi to you girls. Starry, big hugs to you.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry thinking of you this morning , it will be a crowded room as we will all be in there with you in spirit . Hang in there girl xxxxx


----------



## anchor08

Thinking of you so much Starry, that pain is like nothing else. Really hoping for a miracle.

Nina, good to hear from you again! I think going "old skool" as you call it is a good way to go right after a loss. I tried to temp and time everything, and my body wasn't quite being clear with where things were and it created too much pressure. It sounds like a lot of women are going to NTNP for a while, hopefully we'll see some nice surprises soon!


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry, no miracle here. I haven't gotten my betas back yet but there was no baby on my scan. I got my bfp at the end of March so no way I'm that far behind. My only concern is that my body doesn't realize it's over. With my last loss I was told I miscarried when they couldn't find a baby but then the next week there was one. For three weeks I had a baby that was not growing at all but kept on having a heart beat -- albeit a weak one. It just prolonged everything. This time I hope my levels are going down and it can just end. 

The plan is to take a few months off from TTC (mainly due to our travel plans in June) and then get back to it. I'd like to see a specialist but that takes a year to see him/her and I don't know if I want to put off TTC for over a year. We'll see. Not sure how many more tries I have left in me.


----------



## RedWylder

Im so sad for you starry. This must be bringing back all those old emotions from previous miscarriages. I know it seems that you don't have much left in you but you are strong and will make it through this. I feel that way a lot that I don't have much left in me but somehow we pick ourselves off the ground and keep moving forward. Every time I feel like giving up I like to listen to this. It seems to speak to me, don't know if it will to you. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7yCLn-O-Y0


----------



## rayraykay

I'm so sorry starry. Thinking of you and sending love xoxoxo


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, everyone.:hugs:

Red - I liked that song. Thanks for sharing. I love any song with a touch of defiance to it. It's like screaming at the night, "is that the best you can do??" Not that I'm tempting fate, but I know there is a part of me that can't be touched. Still, TTC and m/cs are very hard on the body.

Tonight DH is at a meeting and he's going to ask for some time off once I've passed everything. I had to stress that point. Last time they only gave us time off if we took it right away and I ended up passing the baby in some random gas station bathroom in the middle of nowhere. I feel for my man. He is being hit hard too but has to focus on business.


----------



## NinaC

I'm so so sorry for you Starry ... Sending lots of hugs.


----------



## Carybear

Starry... I'm so sorry... My heart is breaking for you... Sending hugs and prayers


----------



## Starry Night

I think I've gone into a state of emotional shock or denial but underneath everything I feel my anxiety welling up. I just want the physical stuff to get on with it! I hate this time between knowing the baby is dead and actually starting to pass it. I'm scared it's not happening anytime soon. In fact, I'm starting to feel better physically then I did while my pregnancy was still progressing! I think that is feeding my denial. Logically, I know it's over but my heart is still clinging to stupid, desperate hope and my brain can't tame it. Hence the anxiety, I suppose.


----------



## Carybear

Oh Starry... I can understand.. I've only lost one, but I understand that hope that maybe just maybe this one is going to make it... I tried s long to get pregnant that miscarriage never even entered my mind... Oh how I wish that you did not have to go through this...
Thinking of you...


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry Night said:


> I think I've gone into a state of emotional shock or denial but underneath everything I feel my anxiety welling up. I just want the physical stuff to get on with it! I hate this time between knowing the baby is dead and actually starting to pass it. I'm scared it's not happening anytime soon. In fact, I'm starting to feel better physically then I did while my pregnancy was still progressing! I think that is feeding my denial. Logically, I know it's over but my heart is still clinging to stupid, desperate hope and my brain can't tame it. Hence the anxiety, I suppose.

Starry I really feel for you girl , I've been through the " limbo" of knowing there is no hope and waiting for your body to catch up . It's awful just awful :( I remember the feeling of ( although not wanting it to be happening at all ) being desperate for it all to be over ... The waiting really was the hardest , even harder than coming to terms with the loss . I hope that physically things start moving quickly for you so you can begin to move forward and grieve . We are all here for you xxx your strength is incredible xxx


----------



## Starry Night

The worst part is my morning sickness is getting worse so that is really making me think things are going to drag out. Spring is finally arriving out here and I just want to go outside and walk or bike ride and I just have to wait.

How are you ladies doing?


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry what's the next step ? Have you any more scans , hospital apts ?


----------



## Starry Night

I have another scan on Tuesday. A little afraid a baby will now appear but it will be sickly and unviable and just serve to drag things out.


----------



## RedWylder

I dont have any words for you just know that my heart hurts for yours. 

AFM... Still not temping but i think i must have ovulated somewhat recently because Im on cd34 with no signs of AF. If shes going to come Id very much like her to be here now. Waiting is definitely the hardest part


----------



## Starry Night

A friend was suggesting that I temp so I can catch the egg right away when it's healthier. I agree that catching the egg earlier is probably best but I didn't want to tell her that DH and I dtd all the time as it is! LOL Not sure how I could time things any better without being clairvoyant. 

Red, waiting really does suck. Hope you find ways to make the wait easier. Good luck and hope your wait brings you to a bfp.


----------



## RedWylder

OMG! A friend recently announced his wife's pregnancy. She is 42! They were trying less time than us. WTF? What is wrong with my body?


----------



## Starry Night

Red, that's hard. I wish there were answers to our questions about the unfairness that is TTC. I mean, congrats to your friends, but it still sucks that it comes so easily for some people and not for us.

AFM - my body is still showing no signs of letting this pregnancy go. Still getting bad morning sickness and very sore & sensitive boobs. I'm even getting stretching pains!! Nature is very cruel. :(


----------



## RedWylder

Sorry Starry. :(.


----------



## Carybear

So sorry Starry...

Awwww Red, I understand.. A friend told me yesterday that she is pregnant... She went on and on about the test and the whole story... I just wanted to scream SHUT UP! While the whole time I pasted a smile on my face. I'm truly happy for her, but I'm so sad for me...


----------



## Starry Night

well, had my follow up scan today to confirm the m/c and they found a baby. However, it barely grew from last week and it's heart beat is under 50. That's slower than my heart beat! Also, my hcg had only gone up by 500 over 3 days. So this scan was my worst fears realized. I either wanted a miraculous scan which showed a healthy baby or a scan to confirm the pregnancy was over and I could move from there. Today's scan just shows this is probably going to drag on for awhile yet. I'm so mad!

Also, seeing the baby has made me absolutely fall in love with it and want it all the more. But I know I can't have it. :(


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I really am so sorry. In fact I have even more reason now to empathize with you. Below you will find a test that I feel is inconclusive but could be the start of a BFP: 

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/Baby/photo6_zps7e18fa40.jpg

Unfortunately one of the first thoughts that went through my head was oh no it's happening again. I shouldn't feel scared to get good news but I'm so afraid to get excited and then a week later find out it was all for nothing. I realize the picture shows the faintest of lines (if you can even see it) but it showed up in less than 5 minutes and I can see the line from book reading distance. It's faint but pink(ish) in real life. Eeck!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red I see it and I never see them !!


----------



## Starry Night

Red, that is most definitely a line! I normally never see them either. Yay!!!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

OMG I'm so scared and excited! I feel like a total douche for announcing this when you're having so much pain yourself Starry. I really hate that we can't all be happy together.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red you should be excited and jumping for joy :) we all need to celabrate the successes we all have but equally important to be there to comfort and support those who are not having a great time of it :( 

Each Beanie is a miracle and should be rejoiced in no matter how long they are with us , those who snuggle for a short time in their mummies bellies and those who decide to come out and meet the world .


----------



## Left wonderin

But I agree it major SUCKS that we all cannot be happy together at the one time :(


----------



## rayraykay

Red that's totally a BFP... I don't even have to squint my eyes to see it. Test again tomorrow! I'm very happy for you. I also know how you feel.... You wanna be happy and excited, but the innocence and fun of early pregnancy or the process of being pregnant is forever gone for us. It will never just simply be something to be happy about. It will be something to be nervous about. I have my 2nd appointment tomorrow and I'm so nervous. I am truly hoping for the best. But it's hard to want to hang onto the hope because I know what can happen. I am hoping this is your sticky bean red, try your hardest to believe it is.

I really wish we could all be happy together. Everyone in this thread deserves it more than anything. 

Starry I hope you're doing as good as you can be.. I've been thinking about you.


----------



## Left wonderin

Ray ray best of luck with your appointment tommrow , bet your beanie is snuggling down all warm and cosy :) keep us posted :)


----------



## RedWylder

rayraykay said:


> Red that's totally a BFP... I don't even have to squint my eyes to see it. Test again tomorrow! I'm very happy for you. I also know how you feel.... You wanna be happy and excited, but the innocence and fun of early pregnancy or the process of being pregnant is forever gone for us. It will never just simply be something to be happy about. It will be something to be nervous about. I have my 2nd appointment tomorrow and I'm so nervous. I am truly hoping for the best. But it's hard to want to hang onto the hope because I know what can happen. I am hoping this is your sticky bean red, try your hardest to believe it is.
> 
> I really wish we could all be happy together. Everyone in this thread deserves it more than anything.
> 
> Starry I hope you're doing as good as you can be.. I've been thinking about you.

Thanks Ray Ray. You're right, I just have to believe it is and enjoy every minute I get while I have it.

Starry, hang in there. We're here for you as always.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - don't feel guilty! We're all on our own journeys and we've each had our own hardships. Just revel in your joy. We're all very happy for you!

Ray Ray - good luck with your appointment.

I don't even want to think about my next bfp just yet. I'll be an absolute basket case! lol Poor DH....


----------



## Carybear

RED!!!!!! Awesome!!!!! I'm so happy for you. I can totally see that line! Congrats and a happy and healthy nine months.

Starry... My heart is with you... 

Rayray hoping to hear that everything is fantastic on the next visit...

How's it going left?

AFM... had another friend announce her pregnancy and a mom of one of my students stopped by to tell me about her oops.... The baby's a boy and she is not happy about it.... Sigh... Very big sigh...


----------



## Starry Night

Why do people feel the need to proclaim their not wanting their babies to just anyone?? They've got to figure at least some of the people they are talking to are TTC or have just gone through a loss. Find a trusted confidant to tell these things to and keep it there!! I don't want to dismiss people's feelings but I have no patience for the "boo hoo, I don't want my little miracle...I keep getting pregnant....wah wah". You don't want your baby? Fine! I'll adopt it!! maybe we should respond with that sometime.


----------



## anchor08

Seriously Starry and Cary, that's a terrible thing to hear. It would be one thing if a close friend needed to get it off her chest to me even though it's not the socially acceptable thing to say -- we all need confidants. But telling a random acquaintance...so not cool.

Starry, I am so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds like seeing the baby makes it so much harder but maybe a little bit better at the same time, like you got to meet him or her even though they're not here to stay. I'm thinking of you a lot and hoping you find new strength in this time.

Red -- wow, congratulations!!! That's a pink line for sure, and I bet it looks way better in real life. It's so overwhelming, exciting and scary at the same time, but hang in there, try to enjoy it as much as you can (but don't beat yourself up for not being excited enough, it's not possible!), and keep us posted.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary it is so hard when women say those types of things when we would all give our right arm to be in their position :( how is your Mum doing ? 

Starry how are things with you ? Have you really just to sit and wait and let nature run its course. That must be so hard 

AFM 4dpo so not much going on here , feel I was a little distracted with life this month so not very hopeful of catching the egg ... I'm doing good though :)


----------



## RedWylder

My test was about the same darkness this morning so I guess I'm preggo but I was really disspointed that the line wasn't any darker. I feel like I need a dark line to help me except this better. The line wouldn't photograph well so it's really not worth posting.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - Give it a few more days. It should be darker by then.

Left - yup. Just sitting and waiting. My m/s attacked again last night so feel like my body has no intention of miscarrying anytime soon. I'm not really sure what my next step is. May call the doctor soon.

anchor - I remember after my first loss that a girl I knew who was pregnant told me that she and her husband were not happy at all about it and she knew I had just had a loss. It really sucked. Like I said, I know people can get pregnant at inconvenient times or when they think their families are complete but you REALLY need to be careful who you share those feelings with. Casual acquaintances whose own history you are unaware of, or those who you know are TTC or going through a loss are the last people to share these feelings with.


----------



## Carybear

I couldn't agree more.


----------



## RedWylder

Left- maybe this is your month!!

Anchor- Thanks for the words. I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with my bean and hope it turns out to be a full 9 months. I feel like the baby has implanted better this time because I've had quite a bit of cramping/pinching going on. I don't remember that from last time.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks for asking left... My mom is slowly healing... She has lost weight.. But I'm believing that she will continue to heal.


----------



## RedWylder

Awfully quiet in this thread ladies. I miss our talks! But I know everyone is coping with their own issues at the moment. Take care of yourselves!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Red I agree too quite on here let's get the chatting going again :) how are you keeping ? Has the realisation your up the duff sunk in yet ?? 

AFM : I'm all over the place this month , not quite sure where I am as temping has not been constant at all over the past number of weeks due to our new arrival waking me up at all hours to pee !! So temp taken at all different times from 5am to 8am ...... So the only one thing Im certain of is that I bd around my fertile time . Not sure when AF is due to show up think I'm anywhere between 4-7 DPO ........ Although ff is quite certain lol.....


----------



## Left wonderin

https://vimeo.com/19596387 I just came across this on another thread and whilst very sad still vey beautiful . I hope you all agree


----------



## Left wonderin

The words somehow encapsulate the loss of a baby at any stage and the feelings around it yet bring with it comfort . If it offends or upsets anyone as we are all on different stages of our journey let me know and I'll remove it .


----------



## RedWylder

I'm doing ok. No it hasn't sunk in yet. Honestly I do my best to pretend it's not real because I'm so very terrified of loosing the little bean. Some moments I feel very positive that this pregnancy is different than the last, others I'm struggle to not break down and cry. I knew that I would never be the same after my miscarriage but I wish I could just enjoy the ride.

Speaking of how this pregnancy is different mentally... I remember the last one I spent a lot of time looking at my ticker and videos that told me what my baby was doing and growing. I pictured my baby in my head, I spoke to my baby, and I bonded with my baby. I have done none of that this time. I can't stand the thought of getting so bonded when I might not be able to keep him/her. So in my positive moments when I should be bonding I spend my time looking at other pregnancy things thinking things like "IF" or "When". I really see pregnancy as this far off mystical thing that isn't really happening to me. 

I have taken some important steps forward though. I found my place of care (if it is sticky). I would like a natural birth not in a hospital but I'd rather not have a home birth. There is currently one birth clinic in town and I don't think my hubby feels very comfortable with them because it's pretty hippyish. I don't feel very comfortable there because when I miscarried I still went in to have my consultation appointment (made before the miscarriage) the midwive wasn't very warm to me and it put me off since I was struggling so much at the time. The new place I found is a Women's Health Center that is run by 2 OBGYNs and they provide Certified Nurse Midwife services as well. Currently they do all their prenatals at the center and births at the local hospital but they're opening a birth center this summer. I went and toured it yesterday. The rooms are beautiful. They are like a nice hotel room (mini fridge and all) with a tub in the middle of the room and a queen size bed. I was sold and they were so friendly and happy and I wanted to stay so I knew I found the right place for me. Not only that but although I want a midwife, their OBGYNs are always on call if needed so that makes me feel very safe. Now if I could just zoom ahead and know if I will actually need their services.


Left I really hope this is your month. I was CONVINCED it was yours last month. Thank you for the video. It was lovely. I can't imagine a still birth. It would be like my early miscarriage multiplied times 1000.


----------



## Carybear

I'm thinking about you Red... Hoping and praying that this is your rainbow...

I understand how you feel. It's like a mc rips away the innocence that you once had. I used to think... If I could just get pregnant! I was so happy when I got my line... So blissfully ignorant... If I'd only known that a week later that innocence would be gone...

The birthing center sounds awesome! FX'd that everything goes great for you!

Beautiful video left... Thanks for sharing...


----------



## Starry Night

:cry: That was a beautiful video, Left. 

See my doctor on Wednesday. Hope we can move this m/c along. I'm beginning to worry it will interfere with my travel plans in June. I need this trip!!! And we can't afford to cancel either. Flights are too expensive to take that hit.

Red - you'll get through one day at a time. Really hope this is your sticky bean and you can get the birth of your choice.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry this is such a long journey for you :( I really hope the doctor can help bring you closer to some resolution to your mc . How are you physically feeling ? I sure hope you get to go on the trip and take some time out away from everything . Xxx


----------



## RedWylder

Still 5 days out from when I miscarried last time but this morning's test is encouraging:

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo10_zps00f6a8f4.jpg


----------



## Left wonderin

Now that is a beautiful line Red :)


----------



## Carybear

Beautiful line Red!!! I'm so exited for you...

FX'd for you left.

Starry... You are in my prayers and thoughts


----------



## anchor08

That's a great line, Red. I can identify with so many of the feelings you described about the pregnancy -- not often feeling negative, but more detached, like I'll be excited about it later when it's more certain. Although to be honest, I thought I would be excited when I passed the point of my miscarriage, or when I got a scan, or when I reached 12 weeks...and all of those milestones help, but it's still a choice I have to work on making to relax and bond and be excited about this baby. It does get easier though, hang in there!


----------



## Left wonderin

Anchor happy 12 weeks one day :)


----------



## Starry Night

Left wonderin said:


> Oh Starry this is such a long journey for you :( I really hope the doctor can help bring you closer to some resolution to your mc . How are you physically feeling ? I sure hope you get to go on the trip and take some time out away from everything . Xxx

Physically, I'm starting to feel rather 'off'. Sometimes I still get loads of preggo symptoms (nausea, sore boobs and awful heartburn) and other times I start to cramp and get pounding headaches. My pelvic area either feels sore or just ill at all times. It's really quite uncomfortable. I'm on the constant lookout for signs of fever or infection. I haven't gotten official word that the baby has died but I figure it must have at this point. I've had some brown spotting but nothing significant yet. 

And the emotions are starting to catch up with me a bit. I broke down a few times this morning but had to fight it back so my son wouldn't see.


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - congrats on reaching 12 weeks. That's such a great milestone!

red - the line is getting nice and dark!

Cary - how are you doing? How is your mom doing?


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry gosh it all sounds so awful , no wonder you are breaking down :hugs: 
Surely the docs are monitoring you frequently to make sure you are physically doing ok ? It seems like madness that you have just been left in this unbearable place :nope: 

I wish there was more I can do , I really feel for you., you are on my mind the whole time . I am keeping you in my thoughts . There is nothing much more than cyber :hugs: that I can offer I'm afraid xxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Thanks for asking Starry... My mom is slowly getting better. We did have god news... The lymph nodes around the lung came back clear with no cancer in them... She will not need chemo or radiation. Now, as soon as she is healed they will tackle the breast cancer.

AFM... I'm cd13... Another girl announced her pregnancy and surprisingly enough it did not bother me... This past period was the closest I've had to a real period. It was almost 3 full days of bleeding and then another two days of spotting. Maybe my body is getting back on track after the mc...the weirdest thing was that my cervix stayed high and soft throughout the whole period. Now that it is over it is lower and harder.

Never sure with me  I've had my tonsils removed twice


----------



## Starry Night

cary - that is such good news about your mother! At least that is one less thing to worry about. And I think I've heard of tonsils growing back. Still strange to think of though. Glad your body seems to be getting back to normal. I have read in numerous places that cervix position really is unreliable. I've had mine go high for AF as well and it has dropped just days before getting a BFP. Never mind that my cervix never dropped when I went into labour with my son. They almost sent me home because of it even though I was 5cm dialated.


----------



## Carybear

Wow! Good thing they didnt send you home... How are you doing? I've really been thinking about you...


----------



## Starry Night

Got a call from the ER doctor that had ordered last week's scan. He officially gave me the results (though the technician had been kind enough to show us). He recommends another scan as the baby had been technically alive. He said I'd probably miscarry but he didn't want me making any kind of decision based off of a "probably". When I see my GP on Wednesday I'll bring that up. I have accepted I will miscarry but I do want to wait until it's "official" before I agree to take anything to speed it up.

What makes things tough is DS is sick. It doesn't seem too bad but colds can take such a turn in little kids. And last time I was miscarrying DS got so sick we had to spend the whole night in the ER. It was tough to hear the doctor discuss pneumonia in your only living child while you're bleeding out the other. :( He was OK but it was scary as he had been borderline croup. And now I'm stressed again.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I completly understand I wouldn't want to make any decision either based on a " probability " . Hope your Ds is feeling better soon , I hate the sound of croup it's very scary ! When little ones are sickly its a very stressful time :(


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary that WONDERFUL news about your mum :) you must be over the moon :)


----------



## anchor08

So good to hear, Cary! It sounds like it will still be a long road ahead, but this is a great step.

Starry, I am so heartbroken about your situation, it must be the worst kind of limbo. I hope your family can get healthy so at least you can focus on your own needs. I hope you're getting very good care and kindness from everyone around you.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry- what Anchor said^^. There's not much we can say but we are feeling for you and thinking of you.


----------



## Starry Night

OK. I *think* things are starting. This morning I woke up to light bleeding. It's still at light bleeding but feeling full and have dull cramps. Just feeling really relieved. Hope it's the actual start.


----------



## RedWylder

OH I hope so Starry. It's no good waiting. At least you'll be able to move on.


----------



## anchor08

How's it going Starry? In the midst of such a difficult event, it is a relief when our bodies start taking care of things. I hope it goes very quickly for you!


----------



## Left wonderin

Had a crap day today :cry: was in work and planning dates for meetings in the coming month or two , opened my diary on the 16th of June and there staring at me in big writing with a smiley face drawn was " MATERNITY LEAVE STARTS TODAY " must have written it in after I got edd before mc .... Felt like a kick in the stomach . It took all my strength to stop myself running from the room bawling . It didn't help that there was one very pregnant lady sitting opposite me :cry:


----------



## anchor08

I am SO SORRY to hear that, I would have completely broken down. Biggest of hugs to you.


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Anchor , just having one of those days :( expecting more of them the closer it gets to my edd :(


----------



## Carybear

Left sending massive :hugs: your way.

Starry, how are you? :hugs:

Anchor... So glad things are going good for you.

I almost bought OPK's today... But I didn't do it! I'm living stress free.... The only problem is that I think not trying is stressing me out more... Lol...

My dreams were all over the place last night. First I dreamed that I was at like a circus. I was trying to get things done but I knew that I needed to be at work. I was So stressed out trying to be in two places. Then, I had a dream that my mom had surgery and they gave her like an ID card with her picture on it. She used this to get her meals. Then, I had surgery but my ID card had a picture of a little boy. His name was Elijah. (Both my husband and I feel that I would have had a boy and that was the name we gave him).. I had surgery and the next day I went to work. I came back to the hospital to eat but they gave me a lot of trouble because the picture was not mine. I had surgery on my wrist and a stitch was loose. So, someone told me to cut it. I did and then there was this gaping hole in my wrist. Blood was pouring out and I couldn't get it to stop. What a weird night!


----------



## RedWylder

Left, I'm sooooo sorry. Hugs! 

Cary don't give in! Just try to focus on living. :)


----------



## Starry Night

Left - that sucks. :nope: Due dates are always hard as they're such ugly reminders of what we should be having. :hugs:

Cary - try the "not trying" for at least the rest of the cycle. If it still stresses you out too much then you can always go back to what you were doing before.

AFM - back in limbo. ](*,)](*,)](*,) Usually the light bleeds in my previous m/c's signalled the start was coming within a few days so hope it still will end sometime soon. I feel all dirty inside.

My own angel's due date is coming up really soon--at the end of the month. I was hoping to get away with DH over that time to get over this most recent loss and to distract myself on the due date but with the way this m/c is taking it's sweet time it doesn't look like it will happen. :nope:


----------



## Carybear

Starry I wish there was something I could do... Please know that I am praying for you...


----------



## Starry Night

Saw my doctor today and now we have a plan of action. I'm doing a few more rounds of betas over the weekend and if my hcg is going down (which I imagine it is) my doctor said I can request a d&c. I know d&c's come with risks but right now all this stress of waiting is really getting to me! Also, he is going to refer me to a specialist for testing so that means I won't be able to TTC for a long, long while (the wait list here in Canada can be up to a year).

Also, it appears some paperwork never got past the receptionist's desk and I have a blood infection. No wonder I've been feeling so terrible! :dohh: I'm on anti-biotics for that so hope they kick in soon. Maybe they can kill my cold at the same time.

Having a plan really eases my mind.


----------



## Starry Night

During the appointment the doctor used a doppler to look for a hb. Of course he didn't find anything (would be too early even if things were going well) but I kinda liked it. I pretended this was a normal prenatal visit and I was doing a normal pregnant test. Kinda silly but it made my day.

However, when I went for my beta draw there was a pregnant lady there doing her glucose testing. Why oh why is there ALWAYS a big pregnant lady there when I'm getting hcg tested during a miscarriage????? It's a regular lab so it's not just pregnancy related things being tested. It's so awful!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry its great you have a plan now , I really would love to be able to give you a really big hug in real life xx I hope you are being taken really good care of by those around you xx get some rest and let the anti-biotics do their thing xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

DH is being really awesome. I feel badly because he is working from home to help me but DS can be a handful sometimes and has been sick himself so DH doesn't get much done.


----------



## RedWylder

Same as what left said. We all wish we could be there to supoort you in person but hopefully giving you a place to vent and share is helpings some. And I have no idea why pregnant people seem to populate all the same places that someone who desperately doesn't want to see a pregnant lady is. Its crap. If I ever make it to that stage in a pregnancy I'll look as gross as possible so no one feels jealous. lol


----------



## Carybear

Red you crack me up...

Starry... Glad you have a plan... Vent away....


----------



## rayraykay

Hi ladies-

I'm so sorry it's been awhile. You've all been on my mind. 

Cary- I agree with the others. As hard as it is- let life happen for at least a month. Get busy when you want to- and of course definitely do it if you see or feel any signs of ovulation but just let your body do its thang and see what happens. If you do it this month or for a few months and it either doesn't work or doesn't feel right- break out the thermometer and OPKs. :dust: remember to try and think positively and trust that your body will do the work (as extremely hard as that is.) 

Left- Im thinking of you as your EDD approaches. It's so hard. I'm so sorry. I don't know if this will help you or you'll want to do it or think its dumb but I'm throwing it out there. I wrote my angel a letter about a week ago. I just told the baby how much I love it and how much I wanted it. I will always wonder what my angel would have been like and I will always keep her close to my heart. It was hard to write but oddly enough I felt some relief after I wrote it. 

Starry- I'm so sorry this process has been dragging on. I'm also so sorry about your blood infection! I am glad however you got some medicine to help you feel better. I know d&cs have some risks that go along with them but if you have your doctor perform it it's fairly rare for those risks to take place. Your doctor will be very careful and in all likelihood there will not be any complications. It eliminates the waiting period and gets you recovering as soon as possible. The procedure itself is really sad and it's hard to go thru, but they give you medicine that calms your nervous and painkillers for afterwards to make sure your as comfortable as possible. For me- it was the right thing to do. The waiting was making me so anxious. I'm so incredibly sorry you are going thru this. I'm so so sorry. :hugs: 

Red- how are you feeling?


----------



## RedWylder

RayRay! Good to hear from you Lady. :) I'm feeling ok. I've had some definite ups and downs this week as my impending miscarriage date looms closer. Last night I had an incredibly vivid dream about miscarrying this little one and I thought I had actually miscarried when I woke up. I couldn't shake the bad feeling. Other than that physically I'm doing good, lots of on and off cramping, slightly nauseous off and on, and tired.


----------



## RedWylder

BTW are any of the preggos in this thread interested in starting a thread for "graduates". It would be nice to keep up with everyone without feeling terrible about sharing too much. Eventually we can all leave this thread behind. :)


----------



## rayraykay

Ah yeah. I hear where you're coming from. Vivid dreams can be a blessing (when they are good) & a curse. Try and remember tho- just because you dream something so matter how real doesn't mean it's happening or is going to happen. It's just your fears coming to light in your dreams. I've also had vivid dreams as well and it's hard. I'd love to talk more in a graduates thread- start one and ill be there. Thinking of you and very happy for your BFP xoxoxo


----------



## RedWylder

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...854637-road-again-graduates.html#post27222927

Our new graduate thread, one day we'll all be there together. Until then, consider me a resident of both threads.


----------



## anchor08

Definitely, thanks for the new thread but I'll stay here too as long as no one minds. You all supported me so much, I want to return the favor. Starry...a blood infection?!! Thank goodness they're finally treating it, and I hope that helps you feel lots better physically. I'm really glad to hear that there's a plan to confirm what's happening and move it forward. As heartbreaking as it is, once we know it's over we need it to really be over!


----------



## Left wonderin

Lol you do know i won't be able to help myself stalking there too lol....


----------



## Carybear

I'm still working on my degree :-( but I will DEFINITELY be stalking until I can join... Lol!

Rayray glad to hear things are going great for you!

Red, hold on... Be strong ... And believe...

I cannot wait to hear all the news as those who are preggo pass many more milestones...


----------



## RedWylder

I won't be leaving here either and you're welcome to stalk but consider yourself warned. :)


----------



## Carybear

I hope this doesn't come across as a bad thing, but it is a little hurtful to move out on those who have been a support throughout your process. 

I've read so many threads where people have gotten their BFP, talked about their symptoms, and shared their joys without excluding others who started on the thread with them. I find it a little sad to be excluded because I did not get my BFP... I truly enjoy hearing how things are going and never find it hard to hear a complaint (or several along the way)...

I wish you all the best in your pregnancies and pray for happy and healthy nine months for each and everyone.


----------



## RedWylder

Aww Cary that's what I was afraid of. If everyone would rather we share every annoying pregnancy thing here then I'm sure most of us would do that but having been on the other side, it was more hurtful to have a joyous pregnant lady reminding me of my non-pregnancy. I got the idea because I belonged to a TTC group on facebook. When someone got pregnant they were ceremoniously kicked out into the pregnancy group so that no one would be offended. It's not that we don't want to include you or that we're trying to hurt anyones feelings; it's in fact just the opposite.


----------



## Starry Night

I like some updates but not detailed ones in regards to pregnancy. I just want to know that things are going well or want to be there for the person if there is a scare or concern. But I don't want to know all the shopping details or how many times the baby kicked today, etc.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry Night said:


> I like some updates but not detailed ones in regards to pregnancy. I just want to know that things are going well or want to be there for the person if there is a scare or concern. But I don't want to know all the shopping details or how many times the baby kicked today, etc.

Which is why we would like a place where we can all still be together but not feel worried about sharing. That doesn't mean that ya'll can't stalk if you feel ok about it. And it also doesn't mean that we're leaving this thread.


----------



## Left wonderin

I think its a great idea once everyone knows that they are welcome on both threads and they have the freedom to make an informed choice , I think it was a thoughtful act for us still Tcc but I'm with Cary when she says she enjoys hearing everyone's news and how they are doing :)


----------



## Starry Night

I'll probably be up to stalking a bit once the physical stuff is all over. Right now it's tough because I'm still technically pregnant and have my baby inside me. I am constantly having dreams where I am either pregnant or holding my December baby in my arms -- it's always a light-brown haired boy. I feel like I should still be part of the club. 

Once the physical stuff is all over then I can accept I'm in the WTT/TTC camp again. I'll be angry about it, but I'll have accepted it. I hope. It's kind of hard to predict what your emotions will do.

Right now I'm trying to grasp the idea that I have now twice thought I'd be getting my 2013 baby but now...with having to wait for testing...it could quite possibly be 2015 before my rainbow arrives. That is what is so tough right now. And I'll probably have to give up my dreams of a third or fourth child. Dh is kind of bummed about that too.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well tested with an ic - starkest white I've every seen ! BFN for me 12dpo :( 

Guessing its on to the next cycle when the witch arrives which should be Monday - Wednesday


----------



## anchor08

Starry Night said:


> I'll probably be up to stalking a bit once the physical stuff is all over. Right now it's tough because I'm still technically pregnant and have my baby inside me. I am constantly having dreams where I am either pregnant or holding my December baby in my arms -- it's always a light-brown haired boy. I feel like I should still be part of the club.

Oh Starry, I am so sorry for what you're going through. It's an emotional roller coaster I can't imagine. I always wished I would have a dream about the baby I lost, see what he or she looks like. I still feel that way, because that was a different baby and I really miss him/her. Although I'm sure the dreams make the longing to actually hold your baby even stronger. I guess I don't know what to say, it's so sad.



Left wonderin said:


> Well tested with an ic - starkest white I've every seen ! BFN for me 12dpo :(
> 
> Guessing its on to the next cycle when the witch arrives which should be Monday - Wednesday

I'm sorry Left, I was really hopeful about your chart this month. Have some chocolate from me if that's your thing! We're all cheering you on, whether it's a late BFP now or picking yourself up for the next round.

AFM quick update: I had my NT scan yesterday and everything looks good, no markers of chromosomal abnormalities and it's developing correctly so far. We even got a quick 4d peek -- their faces really look like aliens at this point, but it's still amazing!


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry, left. :(


----------



## RedWylder

Awww that sucks. I'm so sorry Left.

AFM: I had some spotting last night. It freaked me out. I now have a doctor's appt at 12:30 today and will let you know how it goes. I'm hoping the spotting was brought on by my run yesterday and the fact I was super stressed and NOT because I'm miscarrying again.


----------



## Starry Night

Crossing my fingers for your, Red. Spotting in pregnancy seems to be especially common with rainbow pregnancies for whatever reason. Take it easy and hope for the best.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red thinking of you and hoping its good news x


----------



## RedWylder

Betas are 97... I hope sundays number is better. Thats not very high.


----------



## Carybear

Saying a prayer that everything is fine Red....


----------



## rayraykay

Thinking of you red... Xoxoxo


----------



## Starry Night

Thinking of you, Red. It's not the numbers themselves but the increase. I'll be hopeful for you.


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks guys. Ive already bawled my eyes out several times and im exhausted. I have a big test tomorrow and Ive lost most of my motivation to study. I feel like nothing matters righht now. Starry how do you get through this? Im so....angry. I keep asking myself why and theres never an answer.


----------



## Starry Night

I don't know. I just distract myself I guess. I have my trip in a few weeks to look forward to and DH and I are planning a little getaway just for the two of us. We need to reconnect. I've been on bed rest while pregnant and with an impending m/c we can't exactly be "together". Also, I have this bad habit of shutting him out. I honestly don't mean to but I disappear on the computer for long periods of time. It doesn't help that when I'm sick or stressed I can not share a bed with him. He moves around too much and talks and yells in his sleep so it stresses me out more. Also, I like to have the TV on in the background to distract my anxious thoughts and he can't sleep with it. During my son's pregnancy I did not share a bed with him for 6 or 7 months. And this time we have not shared a bed either.

I honestly did not think I'd find myself in the position of recurrent miscarriages. It is still in the realm of the surreal so don't think I'm actually coping. Until the physical is done I'm in "survival mode". In the midst of crisis I buckle down and make sure the things that need to get done get done. I collapse afterwards.

Right now I'm forcing myself not to dwell. I've stopped thinking about the babies I should be having. I'm making myself just seem them as the angels they are. Playing "if only" is way, way too painful. Bitterness sucks so I am trying my hardest not to feed those feelings (because those feelings do come...I just don't want them to stay). The thought I am really, really struggling with is that I can't even TRY for a long time yet.


----------



## Starry Night

I do feel betrayed though. It sucks. Everyone knows I miscarried and I have already gotten loads of free medical advice. 

"it was too soon after the last one" (it was five months!! And lots of girls get pregnant before first AF and their babies are fine!!)
"You should take (x) herbal treatment" (I'm not messing with anything without talking to my doctor first)
"You should have a d&c to clean yourself out" (doctors seem reluctant to give them out in my experience so I don't think they prevent future m/c)

I'm wary of the emotional advice I'm about to get. I've already gotten the "it's God's will" and "God's timing". My husband is a pastor and we both have discussed how people who say this don't really understand what it really means that God is in control. We both refuse to believe that God is up in heaven, deliberately killing my babies. And if it wasn't His timing for me to have a baby yet, then why on earth did He let me get pregnant in the first place??? That is implying that we sinned by getting pregnant and He is punishing us and the innocent baby. It's so dumb!! I wish people would think before speaking.

Yes...I have anger too.


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry for the triple post but I am still dreading talking to the in-laws. They were over when we first found out we were expecting and when they left I had said, "next time you see me I'll be big and pregnant" and they responded with "we'll see". GRRRR!!! And the worst of it is they were right!!!! We haven't spoken with them yet because they've been sick and now we are sick but I have told DH we are NOT telling them the next time I'm pregnant until we're well into second tri. They were already telling us to expect the worst when we were pregnant with DS after the first loss, so now we have had 3 miscarriages I can not imagine the "support" we would get from them next time. They make me cry.

They are not mean or trying to intentionally hurt my feelings. But they have such a dour outlook on the world and keep sharing their doom and gloom with us. Blah. I don't understand how anyone can live that way.


----------



## Carybear

Starry... :hugs::hugs::hugs:

I only have one mc and I feel the same way. I just could never put it into words. I don't understand why, all I know is that God is there! People are so insensitive and I often wish I could turn my hearing off and on at will so i could tune them out.

Feelings are real. If you're angry be angry. If you're sad be sad. The problem is that others don't know how to deal with our feelings and they want us to hide them away and have everything be perfect. The truth of the matter is that we live in a fallen world and everything is not perfect. So ignore those who want to give you any kind of advice and let yourself feel. It is the only way to keep the bitterness away.

I'm thinking about you and praying for you and sending you massive :hugs:

Red, my heart goes out to you... 97 is not bad and I'm hoping to hear at least a 300 on Sunday. My thoughts are with you!

AFM this weekend is terribly hard for me. I'm trying to get past the fact that I should have been 31 weeks right now and that this should have been an awesome Mother's Day. I'm trying to focus on my mom and how thankful i am that the lung cancer is gone... But this weekend is never easy when you are working in children's ministry.....


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - thanks for that. I didn't realize how much I was bottling in until that 3 post rampage escaped. LOL I really dumped on everyone. It is good to know where your emotions are safe. Most people don't understand so it's useless to share with them. 

This weekend is going to be very rough. I think it is lovely that you still work with children and have such a love for them. I can imagine that being around them is tough though. I really hope that by next Mother's Day you will be expecting (or even holding!) your own little child.


----------



## Carybear

Me too....  thanks


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I would have been 31 weeks on Tuesday coming :( its so hard not to go there with the would have , should have ... It's hard when you do as for me its when the real sadness and anger hits me . It's impossible not to though from time to time . Xxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Sounds like we were all due around the same time. I'm really trying not to go there but it's hard not to think about.

And it looks like I'm going to miscarry over Mother's Day. I'm still only having light bleeding but my cramping is picking up. Oh well. At least I saw this miscarriage coming so it's not as bad.


----------



## Left wonderin

We all would have been bump buddies , although it is hard to "go" there ( thinking about the "what ifs " I also think it is important as not to do it somehow feels like its ok to forget about that pregnancy and that baby , moving on and leaving them behind :( its only right that they are remembered and grieved . So althought it is hard to do and sad I will continue to allow myself the precious moments of the would have and should have been thoughts as they honour a very very precious life , that of my unborn baby x


----------



## anchor08

Starry, I have to say I really appreciated your posts, and I'm sure the other ladies do as well. I find it so helpful to hear others express their feelings about miscarriage...there are so many aspects of it that I find difficult to put into words. I was just talking to a close friend today about the well-meant but hurtful things people say...like "God's will". I firmly believe that miscarriage is NOT God's will -- He brings life, and death in the creative process is not of Him. He comforts us, restores us, heals us, allows us to minister to others out of our grief, etc., but ultimately I believe He grieves with us and suffered for us, and that is my comfort.

That being said, happy mother's day to everyone on here. We are all mothers of the children we have lost, even if not everyone recognizes that. We loved and cared for our babies for the short time they were with us, and we will always remember them.


----------



## rayraykay

Starry I also wanna thank you for the courage it takes to express feelings of miscarriage. People who haven't experienced them really can't speak on the subject. I've had many pregnant friends who are having a successful first pregnancy tell me "now I know how you felt when you miscarried." Well no, actually they don't and I truly hope they never do. I think you hit the nail on the head and I know we all thank you for it. I'm truly sorry you'll be going thru this on Mother's Day. Hold your DH & your DS tight. Let them comfort you. I'm so sorry. :hugs:

And anchor, you are right. We are all mothers to our little angels. They will forever be in our hearts.


----------



## Starry Night

We're all mothers. In my heart I have 5 children and I believe I will see them one day. I'm glad my words are helpful.

rayray - yeah, the ignorance is kind of annoying but I would never wish it on anyone either. Fearing a miscarriage is NOT the same as going through one. 

I try to have grace on those who don't know because I know I had unkind thoughts before I went through a loss myself. I had the sense to not say them out loud but I still thought them. My worst offence was to think that it was silly to count miscarried babies amongst the living children. Looking back I can NOT believe I used to think that!! I always knew miscarriages were sad and considered them deaths so have no idea where that stupidity came from. So I do try to extend some grace even though I wish people would at least keep their opinions to themselves. I don't question their motives but just wish I could slap them and them to shut up. Think what they want, but don't pretend to think they understand.

And I do plan on taking a day to be sad for my Sweet Pea. I totally plan on bawling my eyes out all day on her due date. On the 31st is the anniversary of the day I lost my Lil Peanut (my first baby) so plan on being sad for that too.


----------



## Left wonderin

So well said ray and anchor . Thinking of you all on this Mother's Day ( US ) one anyway not here in Ireland till the 23rd of May


----------



## Starry Night

Canada celebrates Mother's Day this Sunday as well. :) Probably makes it easier for the card companies.


----------



## Left wonderin

Happy Mother's Day to all in Canada too :)


----------



## RedWylder

Sorry I've been MIA. I'm trying to stay away and try to be as hopeful as I can until tomorrow's test. I just want to say thank you to Starry to take the time to answer with your heart and put into words the feelings that we all struggle with. Happy Mother's day everyone!


----------



## Left wonderin

RED keeping everything crossed for good news tommrow xx


----------



## rayraykay

Sending you love and good vibes red


----------



## Carybear

Red... fxd for great results today....

AFM I'm having serious pain in my lower right stomach... It goes down into my groin and a little into my leg... like a pressure cramp... It's like tons of pressure... It hurts to pee and it hurts to have a bowel movement... My lower stomach is extremely bloated... For the last couple of days I've gone back and forth between constipation and diarrhea. Walking is uncomfortable but not unbearable... I'm pretty sure it's not appendix... This is right around the time I should ovulate but I've never felt pain like this....usually it is just a pinching pain in one ovary...


----------



## Left wonderin

That doesn't sound right Cary , not that much discomfort . Althought that said every month before o/v I get excruciating pain down my bum into my left leg , makes walking difficult for a day or two


----------



## RedWylder

Why are you "pretty sure" it's not appendicitis? That's not something to mess around with. Keep an eye on it and go into the ER if it gets worse.


----------



## Starry Night

I've heard from friends that they would have never guessed appendicitis because the pain was not too bad. My one friend only went in because she was 9 weeks pregnant. The baby is OK (10 months old now). My other friend never went in at all until AFTER it burst. Miracuously, her body healed it on its own. Her doctor told her he had never seen that in his life before and that somebody "up there" liked her. So yeah, go get checked out. It could even be a bladder infection. I sat on one of those without treatment for over a week and felt awful!! Still recovering.

If you are simply having intense ov pains (sometimes happens to me) then they should subside quickly or after resting.

Red - hoping the best for you!


----------



## Carybear

I've always heard that when its your appendix it hurts more when you let go than when you push... I think it might be gas... But I'm going to wait and see...

I woke up with it around 3 or 4 this morning.,,


----------



## RedWylder

My husband just had appendicitis and he wasn't in that much pain. The only reason he went in was because of the pain's location. Lower right quadrant is classic appendicitis. When the surgeon went in he said that the appendix was only an hour from bursting. Because it didn't burst, he was in and out of the hospital in a day and a half vs. the week stay he would have had. You may NOT have appendicitis but it doesn't hurt to run on the safe side.

AFM: New number is 147. It was 97 so this is at least an increase but not the 200 range I was hoping for. I guess this pregnancy is never going to be easy.


----------



## Carybear

Red... So glad the numbers went up... Praying that they double...

Starry... How are you doing?

Left.. Any news?

Anchor... How are you?
Well... In the middle of the night I had a pinching stabbing pain and then the pressure started easing up... I'm sore today but no where near the pain I was in yesterday. Wow! It wasn't as bad as a kidney stone (about two years ago they thought I had appendicitis and it turned out to be a kidney stone... Now that is some terrible pain) but it hurt quite a bit. I thought about getting it checked out, but when I laid down in bed it got better. So I waited and today it is getting back to normal. For the last two months I've been ovulation on cd21 and yesterday was cd20... So maybe it was ovulation... Can you have that kind of pain with ovulation when you've never had it before? I mean I always can feel pinching and it can be uncomfortable, but not like that... It just downright hurt! But, if it was ovulation we DTD on Saturday night so it would have been good timing.

Anyway, glad I'm feeling better... Just in time to get my tooth cut out tonight!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi , no sign of AF today but I am almost certain that ff got my o/v date wrong due to inaccurate temping this month . Thinking AF will show tommrow or Wednesday :) 

I liked temping early as it made the last week of the Tww a little easier for me and I'm a lot less anxious about AF turning up so all is good here 
Just waiting for next cycle :)


----------



## Starry Night

Well, I am hoping the worst is behind me. It wasn't as scary as my other losses but it lasted a whole lot longer! It started at 2am but it really was like a heavy period and I wasn't concerned. But by 8am it was getting worse so DH took me to the hospital where they monitored me. The bleeding has slowed but I am still passing some moderate clots. I have a scan first thing tomorrow morning. I'm pretty sure the plan is to give me a d&c if anything is left behind.

At least my cramps are finally going away. Those were BAD. And I'm just so, so relieved to get things going. I'm even looking forward to the TTC break.


----------



## RedWylder

Aww Starry I'm so glad that's over. I feel like I might be joining you shortly although I suppose there is still some hope for me, but all I can think about is just wanting to be out of limbo. Take care of you and enjoy the break.


----------



## anchor08

Red...such a hard place to be in right now. Are you going to have another blood test to see how your hcg is progressing? Has the spotting stopped? I'm really hoping for you.

Starry...glad it's almost over, the pain can be so bad! It sounds like you're being well taken care of by husband and doctors. I hope you get to rest a lot in the next few days and weeks.

Cary...ouch! I've never had severe O pain, but sounds like that's what it was. Maybe it's a super-strong egg breaking out...sounds like your timing was good!

Left...I also liked temping in the TWW, gave me something to do, and the early warning that AF was coming was probably a good thing. Sorry it looks like you're out for this cycle, but you sound very positive about moving on to the next one.

Hopefully I didn't miss anyone! I'm doing well, not much to report other than fatigue, which has been my worst and most constant symptom, but I can deal with that. It's motivating me to start exercising more frequently...we'll see how that goes. I like it once I'm out and moving, but it's hard to get up off the couch!


----------



## Carybear

Anchor... I'm so glad to see your ticker moving along...

Starry... I'm glad things are moving along for you. I'm so sorry for your loss but glad to see that you are not sitting in limbo anymore...

Red... I hope that your numbers continue to go up and that this is your sticky bean...

Left... You're always so positive. You are an inspiration to me!

AFM well the pain in my stomach was completely gone as of about four yesterday... I had to have a molar pulled at the oral surgeon yesterday, so I traded one pain for another... He couldn't get it all the way numb so it hurt... But it's out and I am on the way through recovery,,


----------



## RedWylder

anchor08 said:


> Red...such a hard place to be in right now. Are you going to have another blood test to see how your hcg is progressing? Has the spotting stopped? I'm really hoping for you.

I am really in a miserable state right now. I feel like such a debbie downer and all I can think about is whether or not I'm going to loose this baby. I can't concentrate and I want to be able to cope with my impending loss but since it's not set in stone, I have to try and stay positive. And I'm failing at that so all in all....this just plain sucks. 

I'm not getting my HCG's done again although sometimes I think about calling my midwife and begging for a retest so that I can have a definitive answer but it would more than likely be exactly the same as the last one which was inconclusive. 

On a positive note the spotting stopped. It was really just a one day thing that I think was brought on by an intense run in the morning. 

I feel like screaming, or crying, or something-anything to get this knot out of my chest.


----------



## Carybear

So sorry red... Honestly I would call the midwife and ask for another HCG


----------



## RedWylder

I just can't rationalize spending 60 on a test that is not going to tell me anything. It'll just give me another reason to freak out. I wish I had never tested in the first place because that's largely responsible for the emotional state I'm in now. Grrr.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi all :) 

Firstly I'm going to moan about the weather , where is our summer its freezing !!!!! 
Red hugs for you , it must be so hard to think of anything else , its great the spotting has stopped . I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way for this to be a sticky bean xxx 

Cary :) wow that must be some egg ya poped out lol...... Hope your got lots of baby dancing in ;) and as for being positive right back at ya girl :) I do have my moments of negative indulgence but I really don't like being in that place so I try get out of there as soon as possible !!! 

AFM : well she arrived bang on time , at least she is punctual lol.. I was expecting her so I'm fine with her arrival , in fact ... On the positive side it now means .... Only 5 days to poas , 13 days to ovulation and 14 days to the next TWW and 28 days to next possible BFP so tis all good :) except for the fact that my bathroom cabinet when I opened it looking for a tampon had bundles of o/v tests, 20 early pg tests , 2 digital tests and three digital themometer not one bloody tampon !!!!! Typical !!


----------



## Left wonderin

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...018111425.39713.219902294780764&type=1&ref=nf


----------



## Starry Night

Red - aw, that sounds stressful. But feeling down about your chances won't affect the outcome of your pregnancy. The whole idea that positive thinking is required is just silly superstition. But saying that, it is important for your own sake to keep your anxiety and stress at bay. Is there any thing your midwife is willing to do to look for extra reassurance? When it's so early it just is too hard to tell if a pregnancy is viable or not. In a week or two you could get a better idea of how things are going.

Cary - ouch! I've never had a tooth pulled but DH has and that was nasty. I hope the pain goes away soon!

AFM - well, I did need a d&c after all. I went to the hospital for my scan first thing yesterday and they didn't let me leave. LOL I had tubes and needle pricks all up and down my arms and hands. I wasn't bleeding like some of the horror stories you read in the Miscarriage Forum but I was consistently passing dark clots every hour or so with no sign of abating. I'm not a medical expert but I could see my blood pressure and heart rate were a little on the low side as well. 

I was closely monitored, having to show my pads to the nurses and such (yuck, I'm so private and squeamish about these things) and this morning I was told my hemoglobin was continuously dropping throughout the night. It wasn't bad enough to be pushed into an emergency d&C like they kept threatening (I wasn't allowed to eat all day yesterday....just in case). But they did move it up from noon today to 8 this morning.

I wasn't put under with general anaesthetic but they did give me this drug through IV that basically does the same thing. Afterwards, I heard the nurses saying that I had had a lot of haemorrhaging(!!). Must have been on the inside because the bleeding I saw didn't really scare me. I was just frustrated it wasn't stopping.

They weren't going to feed me afterwards but my nurse said she'd go stand up for me because it was the same as if I had just had a baby. I was hungry. And sure enough, after lunch my heart rate and blood pressure jumped back to normal (my vitals had risen after the surgery but not a lot).

I just feel so much better and CLEAN inside. That sickly feeling is gone. As I heal over the next few days I think I can start to let myself properly mourn this baby.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry- I feel so relieved for you that you can start moving forward again. I'm sorry you had to go through a D&C but I'm so glad you are ok. I hope you start feeling like yourself again soon.


----------



## Starry Night

The D&C really was not bad at all. I was completely out so I knew nothing about the actual procedure and I haven't had any pain at all. Since I feel SO much better now I think this was one of those instances where the benefits of the procedure outweighed the risks.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry having had an emergency dnc due to hemoraging I can somewhat empathise xxxx 
I am so sorry you have had to endure what you have over the past number of weeks both the physical and emotional impact . It's good you now get to begin to deal with coming to terms with your loss and begin to process it . I hope you begin to physically feel like your "old" self soon and can being the process of healing xxx


----------



## anchor08

Starry, I am so glad to hear this. I really didn't want to have a D&C and was very glad I managed without, but I have heard from others that it can be very helpful -- the finality of knowing that everything is gone must be a relief. I hope you rest and recover well in the next few days...will you now be able to keep your vacation travel plans?


----------



## Carybear

:hugs: Starry... I hope you are able to get plenty of rest.


----------



## Starry Night

anchor - yes, we are able to keep our plans. It is still 3 weeks away so I think I should have enough time for the bleeding to stop. Right now I'm only spotting to light bleeding. If this is like my natural miscarriages I know the bleeding can pick up again but I'm still hoping for a text-book recovery. My first natural loss ended after 10 days so I have hopes it can happen again. I do think natural miscarriages are better for the body but it could not be helped. I was haemorrhaging and I was not given a choice. Even with the intense amount of blood loss the last time my hemoglobin always stayed steady so the doctors would send me home. It really has been my experience that doctors do everything in their power to prevent a d&c. Even when I first got at the ER the surgeon's assistant told me they wanted to monitor me but were still hopeful it wouldn't need to end with d&C.

What is funny though is all my friends and relatives are convinced and I mean CONVINCED that a d&c is the solution to all of my miscarriage problems. Last time they were all so mad and huffy that I didn't get a d&c. Doctors have always told me they don't do them if they don't have to and one even told me that they happen only 20% of the time due to the potential risks. Yet the non-medical advice I keep getting is "get a d&c. sounds like you need a cleaning out". And I hear all these stories of the mythological friend who had a d&c and now has a baby.


----------



## Carybear

Hmmmm.... I wonder if there is anything to that? Whatever the case may be, I hope that you have a wonderful vacation with your family. I pray that this d&c does lead to the next being a sticky bean and a sister for your ds.... I'm sure that you are a wonderful mother!


----------



## Carybear

If the pain I had on Sunday was ovulation than I am about 4dpo... I didn't use anything... no opks...this month and am consistently repeating my mantra... I will not symptom spot... I will not symptom spot! But....


----------



## Starry Night

I know, it's so hard isn't it! Some 'signs' are almost impossible to ignore though. And if you actually are on your way to your bfp then they will just start to play with your mind. There is always an alternative explanation for signs but when they start to pile up it is so hard to ignore! But you try to talk it down and then you talk it up and it's such a roller coaster. 

I really hope this is your month!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary so hoping its your month :) welcome to the Tww :)
Starry its great to see your feeling better in yourself :) I'm hoping you get to go on your holiday and have a wonderful break away from everything :)


----------



## Carybear

I will not symptom spot... I will not symptom spot...I will not symptom spot... Lol... Did I say that before


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary will you symptom spot :haha:

It's so hard not to do the harder you try to ignore every twinge, sneeze ect the more you notice them !!


----------



## Carybear

Lol... Just trying to relax... I'm not very good at it.... :haha:

I've convinced myself so many times... I'm really trying not to focus on it... I have had some pretty weird stuff happen to me over the last couple of months... I do have good news... My sister just rented a house one street away from me :happydance: she currently lives 10 hours away!

It will be great to have her here! My mom goes in for the next surgery May 29th. This is for the breast cancer for a double mastectomy. It will be so wonderful to have her here to help too...


----------



## Carybear

That is so true Starry... I've had one day periods... Sore BB's... Pain in my stomach... Blue veins in BB's... Fatigue... Sick stomach... Headaches.. Blood taste in my mouth... You name it, I've had it... But every month it turns out a BFN!

So this month I'm ignoring the pain that goes from my belly button to my groin, the runny nose, exhaustion, and everything else.... Lol... :haha:


----------



## Starry Night

It's all about the butt cramps! LOL If you start getting those you will have to yell your "no symptom spotting" mantra from your roof top. ha ha

AFM - my doctor will be sending out a referral to an OBYN. He seems to think that a fertility specialist will take a referral from another specialist more seriously than a GP. He thinks it will be quicker. I hope so. I should be able to see the OBYN in about 3 to 4 weeks. On Monday I will call my doctor's office to make sure the referral went out. After my last loss the doctor said he would refer me and I never heard back.


----------



## Carybear

That's good starry... I hope you get some answers...


----------



## Carybear

Well... I can't say that I have had any butt cramps  but I could list plenty more!

How is everyone?


----------



## Starry Night

Meh, doing OK, I guess. Today was one of those "one step back" days as my bleeding has picked up again. Still not more than a light to moderate period but it looked like it was down to minimal spotting yesterday. I think I did too much this morning. Getting loads of pain in my nether regions as well which is no real surprise considering what all happened during my d&c. It's just catching up with me now. It's livable...just annoying that I'm not quite at normal activity levels yet.

Getting excited for you, Cary! If this ends up being your month then I'll be the only one left who isn't pregnant (as we have not heard from Topanga in awhile). If that is the case I'll just join in with you on the 'graduate' thread as I won't be TTC for awhile anyways. I think I'll be OK with the preggo talk.


----------



## RedWylder

Don't forget about Left. She hasn't been having the best of luck either. Ladies we are hoping and praying and doing everything we can to send positive vibes your way. 

Starry everytime I have a bad day and I'm convinced I'm going to miscarry I get a little taste of what it's like for you and I can say it sucks. To have something that you want so bad ripped away yet again is so awful. "Why me?" goes through my head a lot. Why do other women get to have it so easy and us good people are having to struggle. Thank you for tyring to be as positive as you can but please feel free to vent as often as you need.


----------



## Left wonderin

Eh starry do you know something I don't lol....... Nope I'm here with ya girl still trying :)


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry, Left! I don't know why I thought you had gotten your bfp. Wishful thinking, I suppose. lol

Right now I'm feeling a little sad about my November loss as she'd be due this Friday. DH and I are going on a date on that day so looking forward to that.


----------



## RedWylder

You should do something special for your lost one. Maybe light a candle or something. I think that would be nice.


----------



## Starry Night

I'll probably go through the memorial box I made for her and have a good cry. I need to put one together for my new angel too.


----------



## Carybear

That sounds beautiful starry... 

Red how are you feeling?

I'm 7-8 dpo today... I am having period cramps... So either something is going on or I'm going to get AF early. I usually get diarrhea a week before AF... I have actually been constipated... Not that I am symptom spotting..

My fifth grade class goes to a theme park on Friday for their big trip. I'm going to test on Friday (should get AF on Saturday ) if I don't get AF first. That way I see if I can get on rides...


----------



## RedWylder

I'm doing ok. Trying not to stress about my impending U/S so I've been staying away. Being on the internet only tells me all the bad things that can happen.


----------



## Starry Night

Dr. Google can be horrible. When I do look stuff up I try to be careful what sites I go on. But mostly I've decided to trust the info from the doctors I see in person more than anything else. It's just easier. The internet is filled with gloom and doom. Good luck with your scan, Red. Hope you see a beautiful heart beat!

Cary - love how you end everything with a "not that I'm symptom spotting". ha ha! Sure you're not. ;) Hope this is it for you!


----------



## Carybear

Wise decision Red... The Internet is full of stuff that will have you down and out in no time.... Keep believing....

Lol... If we tell ourselves something long enough we begin to believe it... :winkwink:

There has been so much in this last year that I have had to come to grips with... I took inventory today and realized that since last summer I truly have grown stronger... I still have my low days, but I know that I have more good days...
God is good.


----------



## Starry Night

Yes, He is. :)

I am hoping the receptionist is on top of sending out the referral to the OBYN and I hear back from the office soon with an appointment! There have been several instances where things didn't get past the receptionist (my doctor didn't even know I had a d&c...it should have been in my medical file!) so I am not trusting her to be prompt in sending out the referral. I don't want to be THAT person, but I plan on giving the office a call if I don't hear back by Wednesday or Thursday (the appointment comes in the mail and I live in a rural area so I want to cut them a little slack). I hate to be a nag but it's my life and I ain't getting any younger. I just want to get this show on the road!


----------



## Left wonderin

Your right starry to keep on the pressure :)


----------



## RedWylder

^^Agreed


----------



## Starry Night

ha ha! Thanks. I'm the most passive aggressive person ever so anything remotely confrontational gets me in a panic. I plan on being polite about it, of course, but still feel like a nag.


----------



## cat1983

hi am sorry dont no where to post this question so thought i would try here i had a miscarriage on the 18 of feb after trying to fall pregnant for nearly 2 years my periods before i mc came every 28 days now their coming every 3 weeks is this normal its lighter than it usualy thanks


----------



## RedWylder

Hi Cat, I think most of us have experienced some sort of change in our menstrual cycles due to miscarriages. I wouldn't be too concerned but if you are it doesn't hurt to ask your doc.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi cat , I agree with my friend Red mc can effect your cycles for a while , everyone is different , sometime longer , shorter , lighter heavier . There are no rules ,

For me I had two cycles were AF came a week early ( 3 week ) one that it was 5 weeks and then thankfully they kicked back into " normal " for me :) I'm sorry for your loss :( 

If your worried at all call the DOC 

Hi RED :hi: how you holding up ?


----------



## Starry Night

cat - I am so sorry for your loss especially after trying for so long. My cycles are usually pretty messed up after a miscarriage for about 3 months. Hopefully that means you will get back to normal soon. But some changes in menstrual cycles can be normal too.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi starry :hi: how are things with you ?


----------



## RedWylder

Oh left...that little waving man made me happy. THANK YOU!! I'm so frickin nervous right now. My betas were no where near where they needed to be but they were going up. I've been praying and praying that they continued to rise and that my baby is fine. I find out on Thursday at the U/S!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red on another thread a lady had the same issue just this week , was convinced it was not a viable pregnancy , in two days her number quadrupled ! Only read the update tonight . Not to give you false hope but there is still tons of it xxxxx hang in there girl , hoping you get positive news but if ya don't you will be ok too. You have inner strength xxxxx oh and us :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

:hi: Hi, Left! Feeling good and slowly getting back to normal. I'm baking brownies!! Not only am I starting to make meals again, I'm doing frivolous food-making!! And we had an early supper tonight so the three of us went for a little stroll. I got tired and sore pretty quick but it's a start! My bleeding had picked up again this morning but now it's back to slight spotting. Can't wait until it ends and I can enjoy my hubby again. We'd been on a sex ban (doctor's orders) pretty much since our bfp.

Red - I totally, totally get how nerve-wracking this can be. It is still early so there is a chance for them to jump up yet. Right now as long as they're going up that is a positive. Only 2 more sleeps until your scan. Thinking of you. :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Red... Here's to a great scan on Thursday. My prayers are with you. I'm so glad that the numbers went up.

Starry... Yeah for baking!!! And enjoying your wonderful family!! Are you getting excited about your trip?

Hiya left! How's it going? Are you getting close to "o"

Welcome cat. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been trying since August 2010 and got my first BFP and mc in November. My cycle went from 30 to 33 days after mc. I o way later too! I went from day 14 to day 21.

So, I'm 9dpo and I've been convinced that AF is coming. I've had cramps off and on... But no diarrhea... More constipation... Lots of twinges from my belly button to my groin... And I've been very warm the last couple of days (highly unusual)... Not that I'm symptom spotting or anything... I'm just saying :haha:


----------



## Carybear

I had a weird dream last night. Two cats walked into my house. One was white and one was dark grey and black mixed. The mixed one looked just like my cat that I had to put to sleep six years ago. I loved him so much. Anyway they both looked pregnant. I realized that the one cat was my cat, and so he was just fat, being as that he was a he... Once I realized that only the white cat was pregnant, I woke up... Weird huh?


----------



## Starry Night

Dreams about pregnant things can sometimes be a good sign. I had two dreams about my rainbow baby right over my ovulation window this past time. The first dream was about my rainbow, but my second dream was about me getting my rainbow after losing two babies. I had already lost one when I got pregnant this time so I'm hoping there is something to the dream and the next pregnancy is my rainbow. I hope so because once I get number two I am putting the TTC scene behind me forever. We used to want 3 kids but don't think I can go through this again.


----------



## Carybear

I understand completely... I don't really want to have just one, but once I get at least two... I don't try anymore... 

My lower back started to hurt today... Not really a good sign... Guess we'll see... Only 3 days until I find out


----------



## Starry Night

Hopefully the lower back pain is just from sleeping funny.


----------



## Carybear

I usually get it around AF but it disappeared... The cramping fees a lot like AF so.... Just preparing myself in case. It is still early.


----------



## Starry Night

This is the part of the wait that is so hard. I really hope AF stays away for you.


----------



## cat1983

thanks for the help girls i this is my first mc and was not sure wot was right or not as after i had my mc i had my period 4 weeks later then it started coming every 3 weeks it kind o mess we ur head am hopeing i will fall pregnant again and everything gose gd this time as last time my baby stopped growing at 6 weeks but i never found out till when i thought i would have been 10wekks and 5 days came as a really big shock and had me in bits and my head all over the place its hard to describe how u fell cause u dont no wot ur felling and how to deal we it this is not my first pregnancy i have had 5 children 4 of them are health and well but i went in to labour early with my 3 child at 24weeks and 2 days he survived for 50 hours then pasted away and that broke my heart so going thru i mc and having the numb felling and the felling of being robbed a chance to c my baby and hold my baby soz starting to ramble on a bit lol xx


----------



## Carybear

So sorry Cat... Mine was early, so I never got to see the baby... Sending :hugs:

Yeah... Everything mirrors AF for me... I'd say back pain is a bad sign but I had it with my last BFP (I think). The only difference this time is that I have several pulling pains from belly button to groin (that is definitely not an AF sign - although pulling pains near ovaries are a sign of AF for me) and I am constipated (not severely but just slower and lighter than usual) instead of getting diarrhea which is a sure sign AF is in her way. I usually get it about a week before AF... Everything else could go either way.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I'm so hoping this is your time and your turn for a BFP . You are such a strong a positive lady with great faith :) I have faith that one day even if its not this month you will get to hold your baby :) xxxxxx 

Ill be stalking :)


----------



## RedWylder

I hope you ladies are holding up ok. I am waiting on my scan which is tomorrow at 9am. I've got this feeling that I'm really going to be a mess afterwards because everything tells me this pregnancy isn't viable. I'm trying to stay strong but I'm a nervous wreck right now.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh RED its awful having to wait and not know . Are you currently spotting or anything ? Not knowing is so awful , being left In an emotional limbo :nope: 

Can you do something nice today for yourself ? Or are you in work :( I'm hoping the time goes quickly for you between now and tomorrow . I'm also hoping that everything will be just fine xxxxxxx


----------



## cat1983

hi red i hope everything has went gd for u today fingers crossed for u xx


----------



## Carybear

Hi red... Thinking about you... Hoping to hear good news!

:howdy: left! I have so many mixed signals... So I really don't know. One day I'm sure AF is coming the next I think we'll maybe... Took a test today but BFN... Today is 10dpo... Tuesday I had a hot flash... My face turned red and everything... Yesterday I had lower back pain.. Tylenol would even touch it... Then, like six hours later its gone... Never had that happen before!

So, I will test again tomorrow morning and then wait for AF on Saturday just in case...


----------



## RedWylder

Nope not spotting but that doesn't necessarily rule out bad thing but it is one of the pluses for sure. I could hardly sleep I was so nervous last night. Now I'm ready to begin this day 2.5 hours left before I got in!


----------



## Starry Night

Looks like the internet ate my post last night so I'll say it again: Thinking of you Red and hoping for the best! We're here for you whatever happens.

AFM - no referral in the mail so I called the doctor's office. They had sent it out a week ago so they gave me the number for the specialist's clinic and I left a message there. Hope they're prompt in getting back to me.


----------



## RedWylder

Well Starry, it appears I'm in exactly the same boat you were in a few weeks ago. My ultrasound showed an underdeveloped sac and no baby. At this point I'm just in a waiting game for my body to recognize when it's time to give up. I'm traveling over the next two weeks and it will probably happen then. If it doesn't then I'll go in for another scan when I get back to confirm. Why. That's my question.


----------



## Starry Night

RedWylder said:


> Well Starry, it appears I'm in exactly the same boat you were in a few weeks ago. My ultrasound showed an underdeveloped sac and no baby. At this point I'm just in a waiting game for my body to recognize when it's time to give up. I'm traveling over the next two weeks and it will probably happen then. If it doesn't then I'll go in for another scan when I get back to confirm. Why. That's my question.

That sucks. How far along should you be now? I would make sure to get another scan before making any decision in regards to d&c or medical management. Is there anyway you can get one sooner than 2 weeks? I would think 1 week should be sufficient to give you a hint if it's growing or not. Also, betas should help too. If they are only going up a little bit or even going down then it takes some of the guesswork out of it.

I'm really sorry, Red. I'm still waiting for the answer to "why" too. :cry:
:hugs::hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

:cry:Unfortunately sooner can't happen due to my travel plans. I leave tomorrow and will be gone until at least June 10th. I should be 6 weeks 3-5 days. So there should definitely have been more than a sack. I'll definitely get more tests done before getting a D/C. So far nothing of the sort has been discussed yet since it's not confirmed. But you know it when you know it and I know that this isn't my rainbow. :cry:


----------



## Starry Night

I understand about the 'knowing'. There is always the off chance that our intuitions are off but it almost seems easier to just accept than fight it and increase our disappointment and hurt later. It's one of those "hope for the best but expect the worst" scenarios. 

I hope your travels can serve to distract you from things so you don't have to dwell too much.

AFM - my OBYN appointment is in August. Not really shocked by the wait as 3 months is fairly typical over here but it drives home the reality that I can't even start TTC for a looong time as this appointment is to get a referral to the fertility clinic so more waiting. Just really trying to trust God's timing even if it means I have to wait for my rainbow.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry are you not interested in trying at all without help? I don't know I could stand to wait that long.


----------



## Starry Night

DH and I have sort of discussed it. At this point I am still youngish (30) so we have a little bit of time. I think if the wait for the fertility clinic is going to be longer than a year on top of our current 3 month wait we might just "go for it". But I've been getting a lot of encouragement from the medical community to go for testing. All the nurses at the hospital along with the surgeon's assistant--who was a genetic specialist back in China--all urged me to go. Also, my GP insisted I go as well. I'd been praying for wisdom in this HUGE decision (to test or to risk it all) and I've taken this as an answer.


----------



## Starry Night

Anyways, it has taken my cycles about 3 months after my miscarriages to go back to normal so the wait for an OBYN will take some of the pressure and anxiety off. I probably won't be ovulating until then and I won't be as frustrated b/c I can't TTC.


----------



## RedWylder

I'm so glad you have some direction. I feel so lost right now.


----------



## Carybear

Red.... I'm so sorry... Before you got your positive, you weren't sure about ovulating. Is there a chance that you could be earlier than you think? My heart is breaking for you... 

I have not had another positive yet, but I understand the knowing... With my mc I had back pain the night before. Then, I had spotting the next day. Everyone said that spotting is normal, but somehow I just knew. I held on way longer than I should have and lent a week hoping. 

If you need to talk... I'm here to listen...

Starry I hope you get some answers and the next time you get a BFP it's a sticky bean!


----------



## rayraykay

I'm so sorry red & starry. I wish I could say anything that would make it better, but I know all I can do is send you love and support you.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - it's taken a long time to get to where I am emotionally and even to have any sort of direction. Deciding to go for testing was one of the hardest decisions to make because of the long wait. But if I don't go I could risk another miscarriage and thus only prolonging the testing and arrival of my rainbow. At this point I feel like I really need help. My son feels like a miraculous fluke. 

And I will admit that having a child already really, really helps me keep my sanity. I have to be strong for him and I know I'm lucky to have him. Before we even started TTC#2 I told God that if my DS was the only child I'd get I would be content and I meant it. It doesn't lessen the pain of the losses but the level of desperation is not the same. I've gone through the m/c with no children to show for it and there is an extra element of pain there. There is that fear of "what if I never have kids". 

After my last miscarriage I was bit of a mess but after this one I kind of just threw my hands up in the air. Now I'm just mad but not in an explosive way. More in a "how do I beat this" way. I don't want life's knocks to get me down. I want to rise above them and say "nanner nanner, you can't get me". Immature? Yes. But satisfying.


----------



## Starry Night

And I'm not as bold as I sound online. It is a great internal struggle some days. I have to fight to stay connected with DH (I have a tendency to shut people out when I'm down) and other days I just want to give up and eat ice cream while sitting on the couch. I cry on the toilet. I'm scared to talk to the in-laws, fearful of what they may say. I'm scared to see my friends in case one of them tells me they're pregnant. It sucks. But I'll get through. And so will you.:hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## rayraykay

You're an amazing woman starry. Really, what you say is always so eloquent and strong. Even if you aren't as strong as you sound online, you have to be pretty dang strong to come up with the words you are saying. I am truly in awe of you and think going to the OBGYN in August is a great idea. For now, try to enjoy the summer, and love spending every second you can with your son & your hubby. They are lucky to have you.


----------



## Left wonderin

Firstly Red I'm so sorry to hear the news you received , Why ? It's a very good question :( 
I hope your travel is a bit of a distraction to the pain you must be feeling . Sending you lots of cyber :hugs: 

Starry you are an inspiration :flower: Your strength is incredible ( even though you sometimes don't feel strong ! ) and your hope ... Enduring hope and faith . They are gifts . I agree totally with Rayray you are amazing and I'm very lucky to have met you :) 

Hi everyone else :hi: I'm cd 11 today and just waiting 

Again hugs to Red xxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Today is my Little Sweet Pea's due date. :cry: I just know she was going to be a girl. We named her Isabelle Morgan. This is what I wrote on my Facebook in her memory:



> "Death can be so inconvenient. /You try to live and love./ It comes and interrupts. /. And what do I know?/ What do I know? . / I don't know that there are harps in heaven,/ Or the process for earning your wings./ I don't know of bright lights at the ends of tunnels, / Or any of those things. / . But I know to be absent from this body is to be present with the Lord,/ and from what I know of Him, / that must be pretty good." ~ Sara Groves, "What Do I Know"
> 
> Little Sweet Pea, Mommy and Daddy should have been meeting you today, finding out if DS was getting a little brother or sister. But now we must wait until we reunite in Heaven. We love you and know you're safe.

Fly high, little girlie. Until we meet again. :angel: <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry that is so beautiful xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

:cry: Thanks. My grief is catching up with me. I thought i'd be OK but I was folding laundry this afternoon and just started to bawl. Thankfully, DS is napping so he is missing this breakdown.


----------



## RedWylder

Awww so sweet. I've got two due dates now. I feel like pretty soon my year will just be filled with dates that should have been but never were.


----------



## Carybear

Starry that brought tears to my eyes... So beautiful!


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh RED you sound so sad :( where are things at for you now?


----------



## Starry Night

Had a lovely date last night and really enjoyed the movie. But woke up this morning with the stomach bug. Yuck! We all slept in until 10:40....even DS! It's really an off day for everyone.

I've gotten some lovely comments on my Facebook so feeling loads better on the grief front. Ready to keep going again. It was nice to set some time aside to be sad and come to terms with what I lost.

Red - thinking of you. It's so tough and unfair. You can vent with us.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey Starry glad to see you enjoyed your date , its the least you deserve xxx not so good about the tummy bug :( 

AFM drank too much beer last night and feeling hung over :( on the flip side was lovely to take a few hours out of Tcc world ! There is life outside of Tcc lol............ Well back to its today and got a + Opk :) now I have to find the energy to bd !!!!


----------



## Carybear

FX'd for ya left.. Get bding

Sending :hugs: to both you Red and Starry...


----------



## rayraykay

Alrighty left! Get at it!! :)

I'm also sending you love red and starry.


----------



## RedWylder

Sorry ladies, I'm down in St. Louis with family which is a much needed distraction. :hug: to all.


----------



## Left wonderin

Enjoy Red .... You reminded me of a song , meet me in St. Louis and the movie :)


----------



## Carybear

Enjoy Red... Pamper yourself..


----------



## Carybear

I'm officially one day late today.... I feel a little different but... I get some crams and then they go... Kinda like a wave... I did a test this morning and there is a very faint shadow....


----------



## Starry Night

Cary, that sounds like it can be a promising sign. Think I'm crossing my fingers to the point of snapping! LOL

Red - take care and just enjoy your distraction.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary testing again tommrow ???? I'm praying that it is your time :) keep us posted pleeeeeeeese :)


----------



## rayraykay

Red enjoy your family and take care of yourself xoxo

Cary!! Sounds very very promising!!!! The waves of cramps sounds very familiar. It sounds like good signs to me!! I'm so hopeful for you!!


----------



## Carybear

AF got me today... Was supposed to come Saturday.. No warning at all... Usually I spot first. Well... Guess that answers my question... I'll save the digital for next month


----------



## Starry Night

:( That's disappointing. AF really is a :witch: sometimes in how she plays with our minds. I really hope your bfp comes soon. :hugs:

I'm always amazed at the ladies who keep going cycle after cycle, chasing that bfp. I get frustrated after the first 2 or 3!


----------



## Carybear

Oh I get plenty frustrated... But it's not within my ability to make a baby... So, I wait. This period is strange. The cramps still come and go in waves. Back hurts, then it doesn't, then it does. 

Officially cd1 

I so want a baby!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I'm so sorry the witch got you :( its so disapointing month after month . I admire your courage and continuous positivity ! Do you ever let yourself have a rant ;) I definitely need one every now and again lol....... 
I either o/v today or I'm 1dpo not sure as I messed my temp taking again !! Lucky concieveing isn't dependant on that alone or it would never happen for me , I'm useless at it lol...... I either wake too early , too late or not at all !!! 
Which ever it is offically I'm in the Tww tommrow :) came around fast this time ! I ve decided not to test early or indeed till AF is well and truly late


----------



## Starry Night

Carybear said:


> Oh I get plenty frustrated... But it's not within my ability to make a baby... So, I wait. This period is strange. The cramps still come and go in waves. Back hurts, then it doesn't, then it does.
> 
> Officially cd1
> 
> I so want a baby!

We're in such different boats on the one hand. You struggle to catch that bfp and I struggle to keep that bfp yet we both end up with no baby. A positive attitude is the only thing we can really hold on to. I really hope we both get our rainbows. :hugs:

I have to admit, now that I am feeling better physically the grief is starting to take its toll. This is what I was afraid of. Friends and family show their concern when you are in and out of the hospital but once that drama is over they expect you to not be sad anymore. I kept trying to explain that I was not dealing emotionally with the loss as it wouldn't seem real until the physical was over. But it's like talking to a wall.

I'm constantly snapping at DH now, loosing my cool with DS and just bursting into random tears. The thought of dealing with other people puts me into a mild panic. I know I can get through this but I need to confront my feelings as well. I've shoved them down long enough.


----------



## Carybear

When I got the news that I had officially lost the baby, my husband was heading out to a retreat with our church. It is pretty powerful and we have seen a lot of people changed. I told him to go ahead and it was the hardest thing both of us had ever done. I was alone that weekend because my mom was gone to visit my sister. Then five days later we had a thanksgiving service for thanksgiving. It was so hard to talk about what I was thankful for but I did it. It was especially hard when a couple announced their sixth pregnancy. She is due four days after I would have been due. Throughout it all I know I didn't let anger in my heart, but I also didn't let myself grieve. I finally lost it on Mother's Day. I finally grieved my little one. I want him so bad! I want to be complaining about how big I am and how uncomfortable I am... Instead I'm complaining because this AF is causing pain that radiates down my leg...

I guess I say all of that to encourage you to grieve... Don't worry what people think. It is the only way to heal... To feel... I thought about my angel the other day and for the first time I didn't cry. I just pictured him sitting on Jesus' lap... And if he is anything like my husband he is charming the angels out of their wings...

Thank you ladies! Thank you for allowing me to voice whatever I need to say. Thank you for kind words and supporting hugs. We may not see each others faces but I feel the hugs none the less. I promised myself I wouldn't cry this month... But I'm just going with the excuse that I'm an emotional mess right now, or there's something in my Eye, or it was the commercial i was just watching... well, That's my story and I'm sticking to it..

Sending prayers for all the pregnant mommas, those who are going through a loss, and those who so desperately want to see two lines....


----------



## Starry Night

My DH always tells me that when people are busy trying to 'fix' your grief it is more a reflection on them. He says that my grief makes them uncomfortable and they want me to be happy so they can feel better again and not have to think about life's mortality. My closest friends have been really supportive but they live far away so I can't really chat with them much. And none of them are at the stage of having kids so they can't completely identify. But they send their love and that is enough.

Speaking of which, just as I was in the midst of this post the mail came in and I received a letter from my best friend in New Zealand. She send a Sympathy card completely filled in with a letter and her thoughts. Just warms my heart.


----------



## Carybear

That's awesome.... Friends like that are worth more than gold... Keep taking another step... One more step towards the rainbow.


----------



## Starry Night

Went on Facebook this morning and the first thing I see is a high school friend announcing their third baby that is due in December!! My latest angel should be due in December and that should be *me* making that announcement!! :cry:This person isn't on my "Friends" list on FB but is a "Friend of a Friend" so I often see her photos and status updates when a mutual "Friend" comments on it.

What a crumb-tacular way to start my day. :cry::cry::cry:


----------



## Carybear

The news for my mom wasn't the greatest. They found cancer in the central lymph node. And I thought I was having a short period, but this one seems like it will NEVER end. Started up again.... It really doesn't fill up more than a pad a day, but still there... Ugghhhh

So sorry starry. That sucks!!!!

If there was something I could do, I would do it! But I'm helpless... My would have been due date is quickly approaching (July 11) and the worship leader at our church is due July 15.... Life is so unfair...


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I'm so sorry to hear your mums news , will she need chemo ? My due date fast approaching too 16th of July . I've taken the day off work and think ill go put flowers and a letter at a memorial for mc in the graveyard on that day . It's something I want to do alone not quite sure why but having a quiet moment of reflection with my little soul just feels right xxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - so sorry to hear about your mom's news. Cancer is such a crap disease.


----------



## Carybear

That's beautiful left... We won't have any real news until the pathology report comes back... Should know more then...

Thanks Starry... She's home and resting...


----------



## Starry Night

How is everyone doing?

DH and I are dtd again and we're not preventing right now as I'm not a big fan of condoms and I'm still tender in there. I think I still have hcg in my system and it usually takes a cycle or two for me to ovulate again so don't think there is any worry about me getting pregnant. Not that I'd complain if I did. ha ha But I do know testing is important so we'll probably start preventing soon.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry that's great I'm sure you have missed each other x its another step in the journey , I'm with you in not liking condoms. 

I just had a day pottering in the garden , the sun is shining here and its nice and warm . 
I'm having 0 symptoms .... 7 DPO and counting !


----------



## Starry Night

Not much longer until testing. Good luck, Left!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry hope you have a wonderful break :)


----------



## Starry Night

I hope so too! We leave in a few hours. I hate getting excited about things because my anxiety disorder kicks in and any happy, bubbly feelings then turn into a general panic and nausea. Been this way since I was a child. Since I'm not pregnant I can take Gravol to calm any butterflies.


----------



## Carybear

Hi all... Just thought I would check in...

Left... Hoping to har good news soon 
Starry... Glad you're getting a chance to relax!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I hope I've good news to share this month ..... I'm still feeling hopeful and if AF shows well only another 14 days to trying again :) ( PMA ) its my new mantra !!!!!!


----------



## Carybear

PMA PMA PMA PMA .... I'll PMA with ya...

I'm ntnp but I can still be positive!


----------



## Starry Night

I love the PMA! :) I hope it rubs off on me soon. Still feel really glum about WTT. Right now I guess we're NTNP but we really should get on the Preventing Train. Well...we're staying at my parents so not much of anything is going to be happening anyways! ha ha!

I'm now hanging around the Recurrent Miscarriage Thread and getting some tips on vitamins and such to add to my TTC regimen. I'm a little intimidated by all the pills I will be taking. I'm already taking 3. Right now thinking of adding 3 more and may add a fourth if I become brave enough to add Agnus cactus. I don't know why, but I have this paranoia about taking herbal supplements.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Starry :) and everyone else . Starry forget PMA rubbing off , it emanated from you ! Your an inspiration and one tough cookie lol...... 

I also read on a thread can't remember which one of a lady who took lots of supplements and got her BFP , only to find out she is having quadruplets ! Naturally ! Unfortunately one of them did not make it but she now is having triplets :) Her supplements obviously worked lol.. 

Hope everyone is well , I'm 9dpo and fully expecting AF . If I get a BFP it will be a wonderful surprise :) if she does come I guess it's on to cycle 5 ( well really cycle 17 ) but who's counting lol....


----------



## Starry Night

Left - I hope you get your wonderful surprise! A few of my bfps came on the cycles I thought I was out for sure due to lack of signs (at least, traditional ones)

I'm going to need every ounce of PMA I can get. Tonight I found out my brother and SIL are expecting baby #3. I can't even conjure up any happy feelings. I totally faked a thrilled response and my mom said "OH, I can relax now" like she knew this announcement could go very badly. But I refused to ask when the baby was due. If it's due in December I want to wait until we're back home and can find out over the phone or email so I can have a proper freak out. Right now I'm going crazy because I can't even have a good cry over it . I just want to tear out my uterus with a knife because I feel so broken and stung by life's unfairness. I should be pregnant! Heck, I should have a squealing newborn right now!!!!

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
^This is the only crying I can get in right now....

And unless I was ovulating last week (hardly likely) and we conceived from the 2 times we DTD then we are definitely waiting for testing. DH is now pretty firm on that. We had prayed and prayed about whether or not we should and every medical staff person we've come across has insisted we go so he is taking that as our answer. I don't want to wait anymore. But I know another m/c will only make things worse.


----------



## Starry Night

I just have to add as confession that I am so mad and angry and upset that a part of me is actually wishing they lose the baby. I know this is wrong but I'm so upset that I don't even feel guilty for feeling this way. I feel like it would make life more fair. I'm sure this feeling will pass and I know I"ll love the baby once it's here but right now I'm just having monstrous thoughts.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry I'm sorry your feeling so bad but its good to let it all out xxxxxxxx some time life is just SO UNFAIR ! When I had mc , I got a call 4 weeks later to say my niece 21 was pg , due a week after I was . It's so hard to be around her now , her bump is growing and everyone is talking how hard it is for her ....... I want to scream and for her to disappear for a while !!!!! It's also awful you got that news on your holidays:( 

I'm sorry for you xxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I know. I wish they would have told me by email after our vacation. This was supposed to be our get away trip where we didn't have to think about everything we've gone through. And now it's right there in my face and I feel like a big reset button as been pushed on my grief. I feel exactly the way I did the day the doctor told me my baby was going to die. I just want to go home. :(


----------



## Carybear

Awwww Starry... I'm so sorry. I wish people would be more considerate. Life sucks sometimes! 

My prayers are with you...


----------



## rayraykay

Oh starry. I'm so sorry. And no, none of the feelings you have are wrong. You wishing they would lose the baby won't make it happen, and if it did happen, it wouldn't be you fault. Your feelings of anger are completely normal. All I can say is that I am so so sorry.


----------



## Left wonderin

Well just had some brown cm (tmi) when checking my cervix , only a little but there . I'm 10dpo so could be a sign of early AF ... Also have a weird hip pain for the last few days and a banging headache all day ......... Ill just have to wait it out over the next few days . Ill get my answer one way or the other soon enough ! Xxxxx 

Starry I'm heartbroken for you all,over again xxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

FX'd for ya left


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Cary , I hate these few days , its the not knowing that kills me , once I know one way or the other I can deal with the outcome !!!!


----------



## Carybear

Yeah... It's the not knowing. I agree... I can handle the disappointment a whole lot better than the land of the unknown...


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I so hear ya , ( what a lovely way of puttin it ! ) the land of not knowing is awful. Just quick update , brown tinged cm has not progressed , not reallythere this am , and my temp rose ???? Surely if AF on the way it would have fallen ? ... Oh god waiting till Wednesday is gonna kill me !


----------



## Carybear

Left... Sounds really good!!!! Keep up the PMA!!!!!

:dust:


----------



## Left wonderin

Quick update , this afternoon brown discharge increased , still only there when I check . Not on my knickers yet ( tmi ) was tinged pink/red this evening . I'm 90% sure AF is on the way early . Am caving and testing with fmu tommrow , I need to get out of the land of not knowing :)


----------



## Carybear

Good for you... I'm hoping for you...


----------



## Starry Night

Left - at least you'll know one way or the other soon.

aFM - found out my brother's baby is due in December. Yippee. The vacation that was supposed to be my fun escape is now constant torture and I'm counting down the days until we leave. There have been salvageable moments but I can't even look at my SiL as she is already showing (I thought she had looked pregnant before the announcement but chalked it up to her post-baby body from her first 2 kids and made myself feel better for my own post-baby body). I've always been close to my brother and SiL so avoiding them when I've been really looking forward to seeing them is strange and painful.

I honestly don't want to wait for testing any more. It may be a knee-jerk reaction (what DH thinks) but I'm in so much pain right now. I need to TTC even if just to get my mind off of what I lost. TTCaL helps me to look forward.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry are you n holiday with your sil ?


----------



## Carybear

I'm so sorry Starry.... Wish there was something I could say...


----------



## Starry Night

My holiday is definitely hit and miss. I can not look at my sil without feeling that empty ache inside of me. She has now gone public on FB so I have officially "unfollowed" her. I hope that keeps all the updates out of my newsfeed because outright blocking her or unfriending her would not be taken well. We normally get on really well. My brother and sil are wisely not referring to the baby around me so that helps. But I have had to leave the room multiple times to prevent myself from being snarky or crying in front of them.

Then today, we were at a picnic and my dad took off with DS for over an hour. No one knew where they went and dad wasn't answering his cell phone. We had to send out a search party for them and I thought I was never going to see my son again. You can imagine the state I was in. Turns out they were fine other than DS sobbing from fatigue. My dad couldn't understand why DH and I were upset but I walked in on my mom giving him a good scolding and he was extra nice to me afterwards so I can't stay mad. But I'm still very shaken. Yes, there was a happy ending but that was the worst hour of my life. That was an awful, awful feeling.


----------



## RedWylder

On my phone so I can't give a full update on me but I did finally miscarry at 8.5 weeks. I see we have a new graduate. Congrats to Left! ( see her chart)


----------



## Starry Night

I know I said congrats in another thread but I"ll say it again:

CONGRATS!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi all , Starry sounds like this was one holiday you may like to forget ! Thank god Ds was safe ! I can only imagine the worry of that hour for you !! 
Red I'm so sorry for the loss of your little one , sounds like you too have been through a really rough time xxxx hope your taking good care of yourself

AFM : I'm still in shock and nervous as hell . Did a digital this am 2-3 weeks :) I'm going to try take it one day at a time or ill make myself sick with worry !


----------



## Carybear

Congrats Left! I'm so excited for you! :happydance:

Red... My prayer is that your heart is healing.... Sending :hugs:

Starry so sorry.... Sending :hugs:

AFM nothing to report... Life is stressful and I am truly glad that I'm not stressing out about ttc right now too... We get my moms prognosis on Thursday and I'm trying to help her stay upbeat. I'm heading into Sunday School where two people have already backed out this morning... Can't remember the last time I got to go in to a service. School has ended and now summer school begins... On a positive note... Hello new bed and couch with summer school money 

I hope everyone has a restful Sunday.


----------



## Starry Night

I hardly go to church service anymore either. Our church is small and doesn't have a supervised nursery so when DS acts up I have to go with him and he acts up every Sunday. So this nice thing about visiting my parents' church is supervised nursery!:thumbup: They have electronic sign in and sign out and you need to have the proper ticket to pick up your child so I'll feel he is safe. Also, I think my sister will be in nursery today.

Left - still so pleased for you! Just enjoy every day.

Red - thinking of you. These days are tough but we'll both pull through and get our rainbows one day.:hugs:

Cary - hope your mom gets an excellent prognosis. My grandmother came back from a fairly advanced hogkins cancer (she had the worst version of it) and has now been declared cancer free. Hold onto the happy stories.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I hope your mam get good news on Thursday , she will be in my prayers , you both will xxxx I'd say its hard keeping your Mum positive when you must be so worried yourself. It can't be easy xx Starry are you still on holidays ? When do you get home ?


----------



## Carybear

Thanks so much...


I wiped today and had a few spots of red blood... Been feeling a lot of pressure in my lower belly lately... Not sure why.... Today is cd14... I've been averaging 33 days but last month was 35... Anyways, it was just strange.. DH and I DTD and there was just a touch of blood. I've never had that happen...


----------



## Starry Night

I sometimes got ovulation spotting but it was always a little bit of brown and it would only happen once. But ever since my first miscarriage I haven't gotten it. Cary, have you had your hormones tested? Maybe this is a bit of a break-through bleed.

I'm still on vacation but we go home tomorrow. Yesterday was a much better day. We went to the local theme park and it was a good, tiring sort of day. Then we went to the late show to catch a movie but I was having a panic attack so my SiL gave me a Gravol and I kept nodding off throughout the movie. LOL The movie itself wasn't that great (as far as I could tell) but it wasn't bad either. We saw "Now You See Me". Right now everyone is here. Brother and SiL are being smart and not mentioning the baby ever so that is really helping though SiL is clearing showing (I did notice it before she announced but thought it was leftover belly from her other kids).

I'm feeling a little off and don't know how much of it is from my panic attacks. I had a cold but it seems the Cold FX did it's thing and I feel much better. I didn't even finish the pack though I do suspect it may be my old allergies flaring up as it's a bad year for them. I normally don't get reactions anymore as I mostly outgrew my allergies as a child but in really bad years it comes back. I also think I may be ovulating. Wish we weren't here so we could try. DH is starting to come around to the TTC right away.


----------



## Carybear

Starry... I had some day 21 tests and things were normal. I was diagnosed with hyperthyroid and was on medicine, but my thyroid has been normal since December and I have not taken any medicine since then. Ptu (medicine) is a class c drug so I am happy to not have to take it. I often wonder if that caused my miscarriage.

It was maybe four little spots and if I hadn't of looked at the toilet paper I never would have noticed it.


----------



## Starry Night

OK. Sounds like it could be ovulation spotting then. It's common enough. Is this when you normally ovulate? Hope you catch that eggie! I think it's your turn for your bfp. :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I agree this is the month Cary gets her BFP :) Starry I'm glad you had a better day today :) what makes you feel like your o/ving ?


----------



## Starry Night

A few days ago I was getting some one-sided cramps along with more general cramps and I've been getting loads of cm. Also feeling really "in the mood" if you know what I mean. Those are the signs I always look for when TTC as I don't chart or temp. I got ewcm about a week ago just after my bleeding stopped and I've mainly gotten watery and milky cm now so I'm not entirely sure what is up but some cycles I only get the watery stuff and that is still fertile even if not so much as ewcm. If AF shows up in about 2 weeks then I will know I was right. :) 

After my last m/c I ov'd right after the final bout of m/c bleeding stopped and sure enough, 14 days later AF arrived.

What is horrible though, is that some of the things I'm feeling right now sort of mimic pregnancy signs so it is playing with my mind a bit. This always happens after a m/c but I still let myself be tricked due to wishful thinking. When I had ewcm a little over a week ago is the time dh and I dtd so it theoretically works out. However, I didn't get the one-sided cramps and I got them the other night. But I really should wait until first AF anyways. besides, I've been taking cold medication, had some wine and went on theme park rides. Not good if I did catch that eggie a week ago.

I don't know why I'm still talking about it, to be honest. I never catch first try, never mind by accident! I hate post m/c hormones. So tricky.


----------



## Carybear

I've been having constipation off and on for a couple of weeks. Today I've alternated between diarrhea and constipation, as well as feeling like I was going to throw up.

Not sure if it is a stomach bug or what....

Since mc I've been ovulating around cd21... Prior to mc I was ovulating cd14 or 15... Maybe the blood was from ovulating and I'm returning back to premiscarriage days.

I'm slowly beginning to relax and just go with it. NTNP seems to have helped me a lot. When I got my period, I was not happy, but I wasn't miserable either. I, of course, can't help but notice ewcm (which I had along with the spots of blood and it was like a glob and super stretchy - probably stretched about 8 inches)... Or what cd I'm on, etc... But if we feel like DTD then we do. If we're both exhausted then we just sleep. The truth is that there is a small part of me that wonders if I'm letting a month go by because I'm not trying hard enough. But most of me is just relieved to not be thinking about it all the time.

I have so much on my heart and mind as it is. I'm nauseous all the time. I never want to eat. I chalk it up to the stress I have every day. So it is a relief to not be watching every symptom and convincing myself I'm pregnant only to be let down. It will happen Hm it happens...

So sorry for the book...


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - sounds like you are carrying a lot of cares on your shoulders. :( It's so unfair that life can throw so many curve balls all at once. Stress can really affect every part of your body. I've struggled with anxiety ever since I was a child (had my first panic attack at age 9) and a lot of what you're describing sounds like that. I'm going through that now too--ever since my SiL made her announcement even though she was really nice about it. mean, it's 2 in the morning and I'm still up even though we're flying home tomorrow and it's going to be a long day. I'm not eating well either. 

I'm glad you found a method to lighten the load somewhat. I wish I had more tips on how to deal with the anxiety but that is one thing I'm still trying to find for myself. I hope life sends some blessings your way to give you some comfort.

afm - still stuck on whether we go through with the waiting for testing or just 'go for it' and see what happens. dH is now saying he doesn't want to wait either. It's so hard to make the decision when you're in the middle of it. I'd hate to think my m/cs were easily preventable but I'm terrified of waiting for a year only to fall into the 50% of unexplained miscarriages.


----------



## Carybear

Happy traveling starry... May your ds be a perfect angel...

As for TTC I'd just go with it and see what your body does.

I'm in pain today... A lot of lower back pain... Had a fever this morning (after a night of stomach cramps, diarrhea and nausea.... But it disappeared after about an hour....


----------



## Carybear

How are ya doing left?

Would love for it to be my month... Guess we'll see what God has planned


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary wow sounds like you have a lot going on , and that body of yours is not helping ! I really hope it is GODS plan for you ;) I'm feeling ok , just trying to get through each day and take it as it comes . I have to stop myself thinking too much as it freaks me out as I totally being to worry to an almost panic !


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - hope you're feeling better. I know out here there is a nasty bug that has been going round and round more than a merry-go-round. Blech.

Left - hope you're feeling OK and that you don't get morning sickness too bad.

AFM - just settling back home. It's so nice to be the master of one's domain. Had to block a friend off of fAcebook after he went on a huge rant about how the unborn are not human. That came out of the blue. Whatever. He's been pushing our whole group of friends out of his life. He was my brother's best man and the MC at our wedding and he never answers calls or anything. Small loss. 

And now I'm getting loads of butt cramps. Making me nervous as I only get those when pregnant. DH and I were not careful but we were not trying either. I had a d&c so waiting for first AF at least is really important. It could be just post m/c hormones and, let's face it, wishful thinking (I really want to be preggo in spite of my fears and waiting to test) so I'm only sharing this in this thread. But I am a little afraid. There are extra vitamins I wanted to start taking and I had had alcohol and took medicine like Cold FX and Gravol and went on all sorts of roller coaster rides. A healthy woman could probably get away with this but I need all the help I can get.

I finally have my OB appointment and it's less than 2 months away. This appointment is to get my referral to the fertility clinic but I am going to ask for any sorts of tests that can be done beforehand. I'm sure the OB is qualified to do some basic hormone level checks. And *if* I am pregnant and don't miscarry again, I'll be 11 weeks by that time and I can ask about extra monitoring as my son's pregnancy--though successful--was complicated.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry do you really think you could be ? I can understand your fear ! Well I guess only time will tell . I hope one way or the other you are feeling better now you are home :) it's always nice to come home and sleep in your own bed after holidays x
I'm doing ok , hanging in there , I knew I would be nervous but didn't realise I would be this nervous ! I'm really exhausted today xxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I'm honestly not sure. There is enough to make me wonder but not enough to convince me. I've usually felt pretty convinced when I got my bfps even if there was a lot of second-guessing. My other theory is that I am/was getting intense ov signs and am now building up to the period from hell. Somehow that seems more realistic.

The main thing making me wish I was pregnant is it would take a lot of the sting out of my SiL being due when my last angel was as I'd have something to distract me. I do want to make it clear that my brother and SiL have been very sensitive about not bringing things up in front of us but it will get to the point where it is tough to hide even from a province away.

It will have to be over the weekend before I can test. A bfn will convince me I'm not but I'll need a second bfp to convince me that I am as my hcg wasn't properly tracked and I'm not sure when I got to zero or if I even am (though I think I am).


----------



## Starry Night

Just adding: while on vacation, Dh and I went for a small hike around one of our favourite parks and saw a chipmunk. It made me smile as we don't have those here and we had named our last angel Theodore. I like to pretend that was my angel's way of saying 'hi'.


----------



## Carybear

Wow starry... My prayer for you is that you get a happy surprise... I remember the butt cramps from your last BFP... You are in my thoughts and prayers...


----------



## Starry Night

I'm really trying not to get my hopes up because I always feel embarrassed for raising my hopes on top of being disappointed when AF arrives.


----------



## Carybear

I'm right there with you... Every month since my mc in November, I have been so sure... I wonder now, but well I've learned to not say anything... Except on here...

Feel free to talk about it... This is a no judging zone... Talk away... Wish away... Hope away... Know that we are supporting you and wishing and hoping with you. If disappointment comes... We will be here for that too...

I love this thread because I can say anything and I get unconditional support!


----------



## Starry Night

I love this thread too. 

I hope Red is doing OK. If you're reading this, thinking of you and I'm really glad you started this thread! It really has been the place I've turned too since my loss in November.

I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson's song "Stronger" right now. It's really about getting over a bad relationship but I feel the chorus is so applicable. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...stand a little taller....what doesn't kill you makes you a fighter". It's a great pick-me-up song.


----------



## Carybear

Starry.. I just read the chipmunk part... How sweet is that! What a perfect little reminder of your angel. God sends things along just when we need them most!


----------



## Starry Night

I like to think so. Just like the only u/s I got of my first baby is in the shape of a peanut and we had called it Lil Peanut. We named that baby Kaitlin.

Another time, dh and I were out on a walk and we saw a rainbow and then I noticed that, right at our feet, was a baby bottle someone had left on the path. It gave me lots of hope and a few months later I was pregnant with my son.


----------



## RedWylder

I'm here and I'm reading but not in a great place to respond. Xxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> I'm here and I'm reading but not in a great place to respond. Xxxx

Red my heart breaks for you :( I can't imagine the loss you are feeling right now .i hope you have lots of people around you giving TLC xxxxxxxxx 

Starry I remember your butt cramps from the last time too .........


----------



## rayraykay

I am so sorry Red... I am thinking of you. I also hope those around you are giving you TLC. 

Starry- I too remember your butt cramps from last time. I also think the chipmunk story is amazing. It's pretty amazing sometimes how the God & the world sends us signs, and to me that's definitely a sign. 

I am truly thinking of you all, you are such amazing women and I truly enjoy reading your posts even if I am not active in replying. You are all inspirations.


----------



## Starry Night

I think I'm reading too much into the butt cramps. I had them with my last two bfps but those were definitely in the muscle and not always related with bathroom issues. This time I think the ones I'm having are from being slightly constipated which is not a pregnancy sign for me. I think I'm desperately hoping to be pregnant because I want to skip over the painful process of TTCaL and waiting for testing, etc. I do think it's more realistic that I was having intense ov signs and that I would have ov'd over last week when we were not having sex. Oh well. I guess I'll find out one way or the other eventually.

Red - thinking of you. You know you're free to vent here. I'm feeling pretty dark too. I thought I was OK until I found out my SiL is pregnant. I literally cried until I screamed. I feel so angry at the unfairness of it all so I just don't think about it. Still can't believe this is my reality.

Hope you find some comfort and can see the light soon. :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Hi guys. I'm finally back from my trip south and near a computer and able to update fully. I'll start with the miscarriage process...

A few days into my vacation I started having dark brown spotting which I remember from my first miscarriage lasting a few days. So I expected to start my miscarriage within a few days of this spotting as well. A week went by and I was spotting heavily and still did not miscarry. Because I'm a hopeful fool I began to think that maybe I wasn't going to miscarry after all and this was what some women experience during early pregnancy and go on to have healthy kids. Just as I began to feel hopeful again and about a week and a half after starting dark brown spotting I was hit with some very painful cramps and heavy red bleeding....and so it began. A day later I was hit with another wave of painful cramps and ran to the toilet and out plopped a little something that must have been the gestational sac and remnants of my baby. This happened on my 5th year wedding anniversary which sort of wrecked the date a little bit for me. :( I decided to keep the tissue for possible genetic testing and if doesn't get used for that I'll have a little private ceremony and bury it someplace nice in Alaska. That's pretty much it. I'm at the end of the miscarriage with only light spotting left. I go in to see my midwife tomorrow so that she can let me know where to go from here. All in all it was quick; nothing very dramatic happened.

I'm not really sure what I feel at this moment so it's hard to vent. I know I cried when Left got her BFP because I was remembering how happy I felt to see the second line and in contrast to the blankness I feel now. Like I said I'm really not sure what to feel or how I feel. Mostly I'm just trying to forget it ever happened and move on. I don't want to try anymore. I haven't even marked my calendar for when the miscarriage began. I feel lost I guess. But I'm not completely unhappy. I've had a lot of support and my hubby has been understanding and supportive. I'm keeping busy and doing things that I like to do and trying to remind myself that there are many things that make life wonderful despite my loss.

If I'm a little more distant please know that I still read your updates and I'm happy for you when you get good news and sad when you don't but right now it's easier if I don't completely absorb myself in the TTC world. I follow the graduates thread as well and cry at all the baby photos and smile as well. I'm still here loving and supporting you all but I just need to be a little further away from it all right now.


----------



## Starry Night

:cry: My heart breaks with yours, Red. It is really terrible that it happened on a day that should have been a happy one. :nope: Take all the time and space you need. There is no pressure to try again if you don't want to. I don't know how some of these girls try after so many losses in a row. If I had had all four of my angels in a row without a living child to comfort me I know I'd give up. Heck, if I had lost my son along with his twin that would have been it for me. At least, I wouldn't have been up to try for a long, long time. 

I"m glad your DH is being so supportive.


:hug:


----------



## Left wonderin

Red how awful for you , I can at this point only imagine how you maybe feeling :( I'm glad you have a great hubby to support you . As for being here to support us ...... I think its your turn for to receive :( stalk away , you don't have to say a word . But when you feel ready to chat we will all be here waiting xxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Red... Just know we are here...

When I had my mc... The best thing anyone Did for me was give me a hug and say nothing. It was blessed silence...

So red... :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


----------



## JenKum

Can I join this thread? 

I had a MMC last August (I found out at my 12.5 week appointment). I had spent the summer dealing with nausea, fatigue ... the works. Just when things were improving, I was told that things had gone bad at 11.5 weeks. I didn't believe my OBGYN at first - and insisted on having another ultrasound a week later. But, ultimately, I had to have a D&C.

Now it is June again. (I had first got my BFP on June 16, 2012). The ripping, tearing pain had lessened - or maybe even gone away. I always miss him (it was a boy - and he was normal chromosomally), but I was okay. Now that we are back in June, I am having a hard time. I got a BFN at 10 dpo yesterday. I know that is early to test, but still ... Now I am feeling it all again ... not to the same level ... but I am feeling so bad again. I'd had a chemical pregnancy in February, 2013 as well - but that was nothing like the first one - where I carried the baby through the summer and had bonded with him so deeply that I would have died for him.

I am not sure why I am on this forum. Actually, I have never joined a forum before. I am just feeling a bit desperate right now. I could really use this, I think.


----------



## Starry Night

Welcome, JenKum. :flower: I'm sorry you find yourself here because of your loss but I hope you find support. This has been a great place to vent and find others who understand what it is like to be on this journey. I'm so sorry for your losses. :hugs:

afm - now starting to feel dumb that I could ever think I was pregnant. I'll still test early next week just because I really want to but not really feeling it. Wishful thinking and post m/c hormones strike again.


----------



## Left wonderin

Jen welcome :) I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your little one . Anniversaries are so hard and re awaken all kinds of feelings in us . you have found a wonderful forum with wonderful women and buckets of support xxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Welcome Jen! I'm sorry or your loss... This is a fantastic thread...

Hi everyone!

AFM I had spotting and huge clump of ewcm on Sunday. Then lower back pain on Tuesday and Wednesday and finally tapered off yesterday. If I didn't know better, I would have said I was getting AF. We only got BD in on Sunday so... If I ovulated on Sunday or Monday, were good ... If not, I'm thinking I'm out... But then again.... I'm not ttc right? Lol!


----------



## Left wonderin

Sounds like could have been Sunday or Monday so your right on the money .... Not that your trying lol.....


----------



## Starry Night

Either way, it sounds like you're in the TWW. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, Cary!


----------



## JenKum

Thank you all for being so welcoming. I look forward to getting to know you all better.

Anniversaries are definitely hard. I had hoped to be pregnant by my baby's due date, but wasn't. This cycle, I ovulated almost to the day on the same day as last year - but it's 12 dpo now and I got a BFN.

My DH's SA wasn't great. His morphology was 0 - 1%. I am starting to wonder if DNA fragmentation had a role to play in what has gone on. Does anyone know anything about DNA fragmentation and its role in miscarriages?

I hope that you all get your BFPs soon. Thank you for including me in your group.


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry, no answers on the SA. Since your DH has been tested are you in touch with a specialist who could maybe explain the results to you? The man's genetics do play a role in miscarriage though. My DH has been told he'll probably have to go for testing too when we see a specialist.

I was pregnant by my due date but then I lost that baby and so by the first due date I had another angel up in heaven. That is the risk of getting pregnant before the due date. It makes the anniversary that much more bitter. :( If DH and I do pursue testing we probably won't be allowed to TTC until after our next due date passes. That is really hard so right now we're definitely NTNP. We're both finding the need to wait very cruel.


----------



## JenKum

I'm sorry Starry Night. How long will you have to wait? My OB/GYN told me that one month was the norm - but I know that all doctors have their views and all pregnancies are different. I hope it's not too much longer for you. 

I was told to ignore the morphology numbers because they are always low. The doctors were more concerned with the low concentration (though the overall count is okay - though on the lower end). Progressive motility was low as well. I didn't worry too much initially - especially since our chemical pregnancy took place soon after the tests were done. (I figured - he's obviously got good swimmers since they are getting there and doing their job!) But, when I went for my first IUI 2 weeks ago, his washed sperm count (out of 30 million) was only 2 million! The morphology issue must be a real issue after all ... (The lab tech confirmed that when I spoke with him after the fact). Now I am wondering if the miscarriages could have been caused by the fragmented DNA. From what I have been reading today, the answer might then be to get him on tons of anti-oxidants (Vit C, E, Selenium, CoQ10, green tea, etc.) and, if the numbers are really bad, to consider ICSI.


----------



## Starry Night

I"m not sure how long the wait will be. When testing for the cause of miscarriage you're not allowed to get pregnant. I have to see the OB to get an appointment with the fertility clinic and I don't see the OB for another 2 months. And I have no clue how long the wait will be after that. We only have one fertility clinic for the whole province and they take care of IVF and other issues too. Testing in of itself takes several months. So DH and I don't really want to wait so we want to hope for a "whoopsie"...or as my brother puts it "slip one past the goalie".

Getting your husband on vitamins might be a good idea.


----------



## Starry Night

DH and I had a long talk this evening and 'officially' agreed we would NTNP. Simply waiting for testing is too much to bear for us right now. We know that, on paper, testing is a good and important thing but it goes against our gut feeling right now. I still have my appointment with the OB lined up in 2 months so we'll revisit our decision then.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I'm delighted that you have made a decision that you are both comfortable with :) it helps I'd say to have OH on the same page as you xxx I can only imagine waiting is torture. I only just realised how little your little one is . Just heading for 2 ! I love them at that age xxx you are so blessed to have him . What's his little personality like ? Who is he more like his mum or dad ? Bet he brings a smile to your face every day :)


----------



## Carybear

Starry I think you've made an excellent decision. It takes the stress off (as much as possible) and allows you time to think. And if an oops happens all the better...

Hi Jen...

Left, how are ya feeling?

AFM I'm headed to a baby shower today... This is for the woman who is due 4 days after I would have been due... At first I decided not to go.. But then I decided to go to prove to myself that I can... My sis is going with me for moral support 

My mom got her results on Thursday... The cancer was only in four of the 19 lymph nodes... They are telling her that she needs a chemo pill for 5 years, radiation, and 3-6 months of chemo...

I took her to the beach yesterday for about 30 minutes and then out to lunch. She was wiped. She's also lost 21 lbs and she was small to start.

Summer school starts on Monday and my day is packed! I have to plan on my own time... Combine that with planning a Sunday school program and I'm wiped! The Pastor wnted to talk about vacation Bibe school and I was like ummmm no...

Now, I just have to remind mysf to breathe..... No wonder I'm too exhausted to bd...

Sorry for the long post... I'm standing tall and heading to the baby shower in about 3 hours... My due date is rolling around soon - July 11


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary , you are very brave going along to the shower , but you can do it you have a ton of inner strength and JC beside you for support as well as your sister x 

That's great news from your mum,s results , I know she has a long road ahead but one small step after the other and she will get there xxxx 

Remember Cary in and out , in and out xxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Lol... Thanks left... I will repeat over and over again... In and out... In and out...:haha:


----------



## Left wonderin

Hehehehe it covers a multitude :winkwink:


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - you're braver than me. Don't think I could go to any baby shower near my due date. I've only ever sent gifts along. It was as close as I could get.

Left - yes, my "Little Monkey" is still a little guy. Overall he has been a very easy baby. He slept through the night at 6 weeks and normally has a smile on his face and is laughing and busy. Right now he's entering his "terrible twos" and he's having a lot of tantrums so we're struggling to get used to the new him with the up-and-down mood swings. We used to never think about travelling or long days out as he just went along and never complained. Since he started to walk, however, that has all changed. He gets impatient much quicker and throws fits in the store when he used to just smile and laugh. :wacko: He just started walking about 2 months ago and isn't talking yet but he babbles a lot. He sounds like he is scatting and bee-bopping. He already is a hand-talker. ha ha He is a really funny kid and earns the nickname "Monkey". As a baby we called him "cuddle bug" but his personality doesn't really suit that. I feel very blessed to have him and thank God every night for him. My losses make me feel even more humble and grateful. :cloud9:


----------



## Carybear

Starry... Your little monkey sounds adorable! I just know that you'll get that sibling for him!

Well... I'm home... It was hard... She was huge and I figure that I should be looking like that... But... I MADE IT!!!!! My sister made me laugh and it was all good.

Left early, but I'm glad I went...


----------



## Left wonderin

Good for you Cary , another hurdle overcome :) 

Starry you little guy sounds adorable :) sounds like he keeps you on your toes lol..


----------



## Carybear

Thanks... Stomach has been upset all day... Diarrhea is finally slowing down... Ugg...

Now... SS tomorrow... Then to friends house... Then home to finishing planning for Monday... Still breathing...


----------



## Left wonderin

In and out , in and out , in and out !


----------



## Starry Night

Left wonderin said:


> In and out , in and out , in and out !

I saw this post before the preceding one and thought you were talking about something _else_. A little more risque than I'm used to this thread being. :haha:

As this is the only thread I'm sharing about my pregnancy suspicions I will say that I'm taking a test tomorrow. I don't know how to feel. I am getting quite a few of my pregnancy signs but they feel milder than I have had in the past. But I still can't stop myself from getting excited. I woke up with bigger boobs and they hurt in the shower and I'm feeling really dizzy. Yesterday, I even craved a slurpee/slushee! I hate those and only crave them when pregnant. I normally think they taste disgusting but I guzzled the whole thing. I have even had ripping/pulling sort of pains along my c-section scar.

But it's not enough to convince me. As I said, these feelings are milder than my other bfps. I'm so worked up though, that I even dreamed I got a positive pregnancy test last night. I have had similar dreams before all of my bfps. The last two times, in my dreams, the line would then disappear which even then made me worry about miscarriage. Last night, in my dream the line began to disappear like the previous times but I said "I don't think so!" and the line came back.

If I'm not pregnant I think I'm in for the period from hell. :wacko:


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry Ill be thinking of you ! Xxxxxxxxxxxxx I bet sleeping tonight will not be easy !


----------



## Starry Night

I hate post m/c hormones. It wouldn't shock me if they were simply toying with my hopes but I can't help falling for it every time.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I'm guessing it will be a good thing to know one way or the other xxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

For sure. I hate torturing myself like this.


----------



## Carybear

Starry... I would love to hear that it was positive... Thinking about you...

Thanks for the reminder left!

First day of summer school is tomorrow...


----------



## Starry Night

How many classes do you have to teach? Is it the same amount of hours as the regular school year?


----------



## Carybear

It is only five hours, but we don't get any planning time. According to the law, I'm supposed to only have 12 students but I have 19 right now.... 

It is 5 hours of solid reading instruction Monday to Thursday... And every minute except a 15 min breakfast and 15 min lunch break is accounted for... But the pay is great and we are finally going to get a king sized bed... Yeah for a new bed... And maybe even a new couch


----------



## Left wonderin

How did you get on Starry ?


----------



## Starry Night

There was a line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :happydance: It's very faint so I won't bother with a photo but you can see it lying flat. You don't have to hold it up to the light or take it apart!

I'm not calling it as a bfp yet due to its faintness and the off chance it's from the previous pregnancy (my last loss took 6ish weeks to go to zero but that wasn't d&c). I'm going to take another test on Wednesday. If it is darker then I'll celebrate. But I'm one step closer. And I'm NOT crazy. I really am getting my preggo signs because I do have hcg in my system! I'm so glad to know I'm not making this stuff up.

My one hope if it is a new pregnancy is that this is one of those cases where you conceive while only DTD several days before ov because we dtd on the Sunday before our trip 2 weeks ago and didn't dtd again until we got back this past week. If I'm 14dpo and the line is this faint I wouldn't hold much hope for it. But if it were, say, 11 or even 10dpo that would be better. 

But there is a line. I think I'm allowed to hope now.


----------



## Starry Night

Oh, and I'm not telling the other threads about the line until I know for sure. They'll have to lurk here to see how I"m holding my breath.

And if I am pregnant, this time DH and I are not telling family until we're in 2nd tri. We're a province away so it shouldn't be too hard to hide it. I just don't want to disappoint everyone again and certain relatives aren't always very supportive and we can't handle ANY pessimism this go around. Or any judging remarks about "I thought you were waiting for testing". To be fair to me, at the time I would have conceived I thought I had hcg in my system and couldn't get pregnant. I do worry that my doctor will scold me...

It's 4:30am here and I've been up all night. I'm starting to crash now so gotta go...


----------



## Carybear

Let me be the first to say... CONGRATULATIONS!! :happydance:

I'm waiting with breath held for Wednesday!


----------



## rayraykay

Starry I am so hopeful for you!!! I really hope this is the start to a wonderful pregnancy!


----------



## Starry Night

What is making me hopeful is I'm getting more and more preggo signs and they are getting stronger. I know my history should make me cautious even if I am pregnant but I'm feeling excited.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry how well do you know your body lady ! That is some skill lol..... I'm keeping everything crossed for you that this time its your time for a little miracle xxxx you so so so deserve one xxxxx 

Can't wait till Wednesday xxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Yeah Starry! I actually am teary eyed! I so hope this is it for you!

Gosh... This thread is like a soap opera.... Breathlessly waiting for Wednesday...


----------



## Left wonderin

Not just any soap opera ! One of the good ones lol.. How are you doing Cary , where you at cycle wise ?


----------



## Carybear

With ntnp... I'm really not sure... For the last couple of months - according to OPK's- I ovulated way late. This month I spotted - 4 little bright red spots- and a glob of ewcm on cd14... Not sure if I ovulated on that day, but that was the only day we DTD  both of us have just been exhausted...

So, if I did ov on cd14 - which is what I used to do prior to my mc- then I would be 8dpo... But truthfully I really don't know... 

I am extremely dry which is unusual for me... My BB's hurt a lot... But once again... No symptom spotting here


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary wow its great to hear you being s relaxed about Tcc right now :) are you as busy with everything else as ever ? How is your mum doing ?


----------



## JenKum

Starry ... I am so excited for you!!!!! Good luck!!!! A line is a line. I hope it gets darker and darker and darker!

Good luck :) I hope everything works out and you have a textbook pregnancy!


----------



## Carybear

My mom received an official diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer... They want her to do a pill, radiation, and chemo... She hasn't decided on the chemo... The cancer had spread to 4 out of 19 lymph nodes.. Not as bad as they had originally thought. 

Summer school started today... Handfuls definitely...

I'm talking with my pastor on Wednesday to get help for Sundays... I spent part of yesterday in tears because I was so overwhelmed...

Today I went from summer school to training then I will head to my dads for Father's Day dinner. We didn't celebrate yesterday because my grandpa fell and broke his hip awhile ago... He is pretty bad and they are going to put him in hospice...

I think at this point there is just no way I can even think about TTC... I drop into bed at night exhausted! But, I still want my baby! I really really want my baby! It is in Gods time...


----------



## Carybear

Hi Jen... How are you?

How are you feeling left?


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I too have accepted the fact its in Gods hands and am trying not to stress or worry . No amount of worrying will change what will be . And if this little beanie is ment to be my rainbow baby which I hope with all my heart he/ she will be . But it's all in his hands :) 

I'm totally starving all the time , its weird half an hour after I eat I am empty again !!! With a rumbling belly !!! I ate a portion of pasta big enough for two about an hour ago ( pasta normally fills me up ) but now I'm thinking mmmm what can I eat now ! I'm like an empty pit !!!


----------



## Carybear

Oh to have that excuse!!!


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Cary, sounds like you're doing your best to keep your stress under control. I hope your pastor takes pity on you and finds someone to help you with Sunday School. If he doesn't listen, find his wife's ear. A pastor's wife has lots of influence over her husband. I have some experience with that. :winkwink:

I'm glad there seems to be some silver lining with your mom's cancer though it still sounds like she has a ways to go. I hope the doctors will figure out the best way to treat her and that by this time next year this all will be a distant memory.

And my cm always dries up early just before a bfp. With AF I don't dry up until the day before.

Left - that's funny about the intense hunger. That's one part of first tri I both loathe and love. Love because yum, I like to eat! But loathe because I only crave the junky food and it's not good for the waist line. 

So far I don't have the intense hunger or sickness. The hunger usually comes first and then the sickness comes at about 6 weeks. I've only been pregnant long enough once for the intense hunger to return.

I'm also trying to leave this in God's hands but it's so hard not to stress. I'm already worrying about the faintness of the line. Like I said, if I am 14dpo then I think it's way too light. But I am encouraged by the amount of stretching pains I'm already feeling. I got hardly any with my last two pregnancies. Even the first one I lost (that lasted up to 12 weeks) had constant stretching pains in the beginning. Fingers crossed!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I can't really believe we are having this conversation lol..... My test on 14 DPO was not very dark , quite faint actually and only darkened on 16 DPO :) hopefully when you test again on Wednesday it will be darker :) how are you feeling about it ? 

As for the hunger its ANY food but funnily enough I don't think I could do sausages !!!


----------



## Carybear

Ok you two... I'm ready to join you 

Starry... Funny you should say that about the pastor's wife... She is the reason we are having the conversation. Apparently she saw me upset and told him that changes have to be made.


----------



## Starry Night

I'm really trying not to worry about the faint line. It is really, really faint. If it was anything but a FRER I'd even worry about it being an evap but it is darker than the beginning of my last bfp. But what you say makes me feel better. And I really am getting loads of stretching cramps. I like them. I'll know more come Wednesday.

Cary - I would be so thrilled if you could get your bfp. I think it's about time!


----------



## RedWylder

Just popping in to say good luck Starry. You deserve some happy news. I'm rooting for everyone else as well no matter where you are in your baby making process.


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, Red. I do kind of feel like I deserve good news too. Sounds selfish but this last miscarriage was so difficult on every front and then I got my SiL's pregnant news and I just felt like I couldn't catch a break...not even a vacation where I could get away from baby stuff. I'm tired of the TTC world so I would love this to be my rainbow and then I could just move on with my life. There is so much more to life than making babies but right now it's all I can really think about.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Red its lovely to hear from you , I hope your doing ok xxxx Starry think ill need to book myself in somewhere to ever get off bnb . I think my OH is right I am addicted !!! How are you feeling ? Are you testing in the morning ? 

Cary we all like the pastors wife , she talks sense :) hopefully her husband will listen . Sounds like you could do with some Cary time to do some nice things just for you :)


----------



## Carybear

Red... It's so great to hear from you! We miss you lots...

Starry... I'm waiting to hear the results... No pressure lol...

Left... Yeah, my hope is that the changes they want implement involve help at least fifty percent of the time.

Ok, so AFM... I have sharp pains in my nipples. It is not constant but when they come they hurt. Not sure if it is a sign, because last time it was like all over soreness. Right after I got my BFP I couldn't sleep on my stomach because my breasts hurt so much. 

The other thing is this sharp little pain from my belly button to groin and on my right side. If its ovulation, then it is way late...

I'm exhausted, but well that could be because of a million things 

In non ttc (or in my case ntnp) news, I actually had fun with my summer school class today! It was a nice morning, albeit busy.


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I was fixated with getting sore boobs this time as I had them last time , no sore boobies yet , at least not how I remember them ! A bit of an odd tingle but that's it . Nothing in the Tww at all . And last time can't remember being so darn tired at all !!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - those sound like hopeful signs. The sharp belly button pains sound especially familiar.

Left - I'm definitely addicted to bnb. I've been here since 2009 when we began TTC#1. :wacko: I think once we're done TTC I'll slowly drift away but it will take awhile as I like to keep up with bump buddies.

Red - take care. Hope you're doing as well as can be, all things considered. :hugs:

AFM - dh and I are already talking like we're pregnant for-sure which is a little scary but it just feels too obvious that I am. Whether it is sticky or not is another question. I'll be testing again tomorrow morning and I know I'll be absolutely crushed if it is negative. But my symptoms are picking up and noticed my first aversion today (hot dogs) so I'm thinking there will be a line again. I'm just hoping it is nice and solid. FX'd.


----------



## Left wonderin

Just went to the loo and had a little spotting . I'm scared . Hoping its nothing :(


----------



## Carybear

Left... Praying that it is nothing and the little bean is ok...

Starry... I would be the same way... I'm so hoping for you...

The pain sounds promising, but I have had it before... I did buy some cheap tests, might try tomorrow. I don't even know if or when I ovulated, so at most I'm 9dpo and will be 10 tomorrow...

But it was 88cents... I'll splurge


----------



## Starry Night

Left - thinking of you. :hugs: I've been on BnB long enough to know that many, many rainbow pregnancies have spotting and go on to be fine. Go get checked if you need to, even if only for reassurance. 

Cary - good luck!


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I'm only 5 weeks so thinking there would be nothing to check !! It's gone now but if comes back ill phone the midwife xxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry have you re tested yet ?


----------



## Starry Night

Urgh. It's about the same so don't know what to think. I'll wait a few days and test again though of course I want to test again right now. feeling a little...okay...A LOT...sorry for myself.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Starry :( what are you worried about no progression ? Or that it might be left over hormones ? Anyway you can post it maybe a second opinion may help ?


----------



## Carybear

Starry... So sorry... Give it a week and see what happens. I would think that with a d&c the hormones would be gone... I'm praying..

Tested today and BFN...


----------



## Carybear

Well ladies... I'm cramping off and on... If the current pattern resumes then I AF should come between the 28-30 of June... With the cramping I'm also getting pulling, stretching pain in my belly... We DTD sat night and it actually hurt a little.. Not sure why...


----------



## Starry Night

DTD usually hurts for me the day or so before AF. But if you're not expecting it for awhile then maybe it could be an infection? Sometimes soreness during DTD is my only real sign of a yeast infection.

Honestly, I'm really worried I'm headed towards a chemical. :( If I'm 100% honest with myself today's line is lighter. My preggo feelings were new and growing so I don't think it was leftover stuff. I mean, I'm breaking out like a teenager, have had heart burn, pulling cramps...my boobs are bigger! I know this can happen with AF but if I had leftover hormones from my m/c I wouldn't be getting AF. And last night I noticed my pulling feelings, which were constant the previous few days, were slowing down and now I hardly have any. I guess the cold medication and amusement rides shortly after ovulation could have affected things. :(

Right now I'm holding in my pee so I can test again as I'm desperate but it's a different brand so it will be hard to compare. I'm going to dip the test in a cup this time to see if it helps as my aim is so bad. I do know I should wait awhile longer (like a week) to test but I feel like I'm going crazy.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry test when you need to . What brand did you use initially ? I wouldn't worry too much about the cold medicine and rides . Some of the women in my job lead the most unhealthy lifestyles drugs and alcohol , not eating .... And perfect babies all the time ! It's so annoying and frustrating !!


----------



## Starry Night

I initially used FRERs but this afternoon used a Clear Blue (the non-digi kind) as our local pharmacy doesn't sell FRERs. I tried to hold my pee for 4 hours like you're supposed to but couldn't even make it 3 hours. See the teensiest, faintest sort of line but might as well be bfn. Haven't had any stretching cramps since yesterday. :nope: Still have very big boobs and pregnant-style cm so may test again Friday. DH won't like that I'm spending a small fortune on hpts (no .88 cent cheapies in Canada's Walmarts. :( ) but I want to keep testing until I start to bleed.

Feeling rather miserable and grumpy today.


----------



## Carybear

Feel grumpy all you want Starry.... We are here


----------



## Starry Night

I'm so tired of hurting. I'm tired of getting mad at God. This afternoon I had a sort of epiphany. The only way for the hurting to stop is to give up the dream. I just feel I can't do this anymore. There is more to life than being happy but who says I can't be happy if I'm happy with what I got? I'm so super-duper lucky to have my son and before we began TTC#2 I said I'd be happy if he was all I got. Losses change things a bit but I wanted to go back to that contentedness. So I just cried and prayed and let my rainbow go.

I'm not going to actively prevent as I vowed I'd never go back on the pill (I hate how it makes me feel) and I really don't like the feel of condoms. I'm not against the idea of getting pregnant again but right now I just need to let go. I'm going for testing soon so I'll see what my options are then.

I'm still going to be hanging around of course but I think I'll be NTNP in the truest sense of the word (ie. not secretly keeping track of cycles and symptoms). Right now I'll only keep track of cycle lengths for purpose of testing.


----------



## Carybear

Sounds like a plan...


----------



## Starry Night

I feel a lot better now. I still have a bit of that sadness inside of me but I feel like this crazy, desperate weight has been lifted.

And as I said, I'll still be around. You can't keep me away. :winkwink:

Left - how are you doing? I really hope the spotting has stopped now.


----------



## Starry Night

A little update: got another line on my clear blue today. Oi. So confused. LOL I'm going into town tomorrow and will pick up more FRERs. Good think my government cheque came in. Going to blow it all on pregnancy tests. ha ha


----------



## JenKum

Starry - can you go to your doctor or to a walk-in clinic and request a beta HCG? Or maybe two beta HCG requisitions so that you can see whether your HCG numbers are where they should be and increasing? You said that you are in Canada, right?

I hope that everything works out for you. I am so sorry that you have to go through this uncertainty.


----------



## Starry Night

I probably should go in for a beta but I did get my betas tracked after my d&c and the results never came in! I'm in a rural area so it seems we only get the fresh-from-med-school doctors and/or those who don't speak English very well. I've been finding communication between me and my doctor...well...difficult. I don't want to go unless I'm a bit more sure. Besides, I'm sure he'll just blow me off and say it's "old stuff". I'll call next week if I'm still getting lines or if they ever show darker.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I can almost feel that weight lifted from you xxx sometimes offering it all up is all we can do. And ya better not go anywhere I've gotten used to having you around lol..... Well I have had no spotting now for 48 hours , it only happened the once when wiping and was only tiny . I am almost afraid to mention it as I don't want to jinks it !! I was so sure it was all over for me :( I too am chatting to the man upstairs asking him to give me the strength to deal with whatever may come . I am trying to accept the fact that what will be will be and no amount of worrying , bargaining and hoping will change the outcome of this BFP . 

I seriously don't think I've ever been this anxious in my entire life . Ever .


----------



## Starry Night

I feel ya, Left. Honestly, the toughest trial I had ever been through was my son's pregnancy. People who really know me find that hard to believe as my miscarriages have hit me SO hard. But rainbow pregnancies last 9 months and that is a long time to worry. I was 6 months before I finally just gave over everything to God. It made things so much better even though I had a little scare during the delivery.

Letting go is such a process and comes in starts and stops. I am having some backtracking moments and feeling really grumpy again but it's not to the same degree. I'm supposed to go to some church thing tonight but I.DO.NOT.WANT. TO.GO. Ugh. I would bail without guilt except it's being followed by a meeting and I'm technically the secretary. And I bumped into the president today because she works the reception at our local walk-in clinic (DS had a rash and needed to get checked out...he's OK). I can't claim to be sick.


----------



## RedWylder

Left- I can completely relate to what you're feeling and I don't have any words of wisdom. All six of the weeks before my U/S that confirmed no living baby were miserable and full of worry. There's just no way that you can't worry after having a miscarriage but you'll find your way through it one way or another. Good luck. Just remember what you already know-nothing will change one way or another and that if you only have a few weeks with your little one then you want those to be happy weeks.

Starry...I'm stalking you and hoping for the best. Your miracle happened once and it can happen again.


----------



## Carybear

I just got back from visiting my grandpa. He's been moved to hospice and they say he doesn't have long...

I've always thought of myself as a strong person, but I don't know about where he is with God. I spoke into his ear and prayed with him, but he is not really responsive. 

Today I gave my mom a long hug and she just felt so frail... Her hands feel like just bone. She is so uncomfortable going out. She is always covering up her chest. She is in a lot of pain. And so very weak.

I'm sitting here crying... Wondering where God is... Even though in my heart I know He is right here.

I keep telling myself.... Pull it together... Pull it together.... But I'm tired..

I know the blessings I have far outweigh the trials..

I feel like AF is on her way and while it doesn't devastate me, it would be way early. I guess I just add that into the mix?


----------



## Starry Night

:hug: Cary - you really do have so much on your plate right now. Sometimes the best support we can give one another is to sit together and just cry with each other. :hugs::cry::hugs::cry::hugs:

I went to my meeting and felt miserable the whole time. I have never been gung-ho about the group but I'm expected to attend because my husband is the pastor so it's hard being there when I'm already grumpy. I need to have a good cry to let everything out as poor DH is bearing the full brunt of my nastiness. He really is a saint to put up with me.


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Red and Starry xxxxx sounds like you both know exactly how I am feeling . You both make a lots of sense thank you , I need to be grounded every now and again as I feel at times I'm on the verge of a panic attack !!!! Red your so right this should be a happy time for as Long as it lasts and no amount of worrying will change what is to be xxxx 

Starry I'm with you trying to give it over to the man upstairs xxxx 
Cary I'm sorry to hear that you have so much going on right now in your life , that a lot to deal with xxxxxx hope you have a shoulder to lean on xxxxx and a person to cuddle xxx


----------



## Carybear

Left how are you feeling?

Red how are things with you? 

Starry, any news?

I tested again yesterday and BFN... My husband texted me from work yesterday... And said WE ARE GOING TO hAVE A BABY! I texted back and asked why he said that... He just said because I know... Every symptom I was feeling has pretty much disappeared... AF is due between next Friday and next Sunday... Guess we will see...

My grandpa is still doing poorly. My dad did not have his surgery because the spot in his back was too narrow and they were afraid it would paralyze him. My mom was very emotional last night but I think that is because she spent the afternoon looking up chemo.

A Mexican pastor (friends of our pastors) was murdered in his home in Mexico. My pastor left to be with his wife and kids. Please pray for them. The pastor was only 38. His kids are very little.


----------



## Carybear

My dad called this morning. My grandpa passed away at 2 am.


----------



## Starry Night

Oh, Cary....I am so sorry. :hugs:


----------



## rayraykay

I'm so so so sorry Cary


----------



## Left wonderin

Carry im so sorry to hear about your grandad xxxxxxxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Thanks everyone... I went to see him Thursday night.. I'm so glad I did. I had originally planned to go today, but it would have been too late.

I got to kiss his head and hold his hand and tell him that I loved him. As I was leaving, he opens one eye. I said, "you going to smile for me? Do you have any jokes?" He was always joking around and saying something crazy. He tried to smile, then fell back asleep.

It's the hardest on my dad. My granpa was pretty harsh. He didnt tell my dad he loved him until about 8 years ago. My dad cried because he told him that he loved him and was proud of him. They were words that my dad waited 58 years to hear. Since then they have been super close...

DH has been wonderful. Just held me and cried with me this morning. Then took me out to breakfast and shopping... God is good.. Always... Even through the hurt, pain, loss.... He is there and He is faithful.


----------



## RedWylder

I'm really sorry Cary. My Grand dad is on his last leg as well. I got to see him on my trip home and I held his hand and rubbed his head. I think that will be the last memory I have of him and its funny how much that sticks with you. I'm glad you had one last sweet moment with him. Thinking of you in your time of grief.


----------



## Starry Night

I'm glad your granddad made things right with your dad. I hope your dad holds on to the good memories at the end.

AFM - I am not doing well at all this week. I am really quite depressed to the point of barely functioning and I'm crying in front of DS even though I promised myself I wouldn't. I don't want to take anything for it because, with my history, I don't want to risk anything even though I know there are drugs that are supposedly safe during pregnancy and TTC. Also, I think I'm experiencing the 'baby blues'. I got it after my first loss around the time my hcg returned to zero. It really is like coming down off of a drug and my emotions are all over the place. I don't think I'll actually hurt myself but sometimes I get scared when DH leaves me alone.

I'm a mess. The other day, I was trying to snap some bones on a ham roast to get at the remaining meat and I accidentally pulled the bone out of the socket...I didn't realize it was a hip joint. It was really gross and I had a mental breakdown. I cried for days over it. I'm not a vegetarian but I've almost been put off meat by it. I still shudder over the memory. I think it bothers me because I'm already mentally so weak.

I know this is a phase and it will pass...it always has...but this is hard. I almost want AF to come quickly so I can clean out my system. I took a FRER this morning and the line was so faint it might as well have been bfn so I'm sure that I was simply experiencing leftover hormones. Very disappointed after I got so excited. Right now feeling like my rainbow will never come.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry. Keep talking to us and let it all out. Whatever you're feeling is ok and I just want ou to be safe. I honestly think from my medical perspective that you should talk to a professional which there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing. You're in a very shitty circumstance and that's what they are there for. If your not ready, keep talking to us, hang out with a friend, do something that you love. You'll get through this. If you start to feel like you might hurt yourself call 911 or go to the doc ASAP. I go on calls like this often enough and it's no big deal. I'm happy to help transport someone in need. Hang in there.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry sounds like your really having a rough time of it at the moment , and your right hormones are just awful and can make us think and feel like its the end of the world !!! The smallest thing becomes the biggest :( Red is right keeping talking , all the emotion is so much better in than out , maybe it would be a good idea to go talk to your doctor about how you are feeling ? You have been through so much xxx


----------



## Starry Night

I wouldn't mind counselling. I'm curious to see what a professional thinks is behind a lot of my mental issues. I know I need to exercise more. I was walking with a friend yesterday and we were at her farm so we got to cross some fields and go through the bush and I just loved it. Saw a couple deer and got to meet her cows. In my old hometown I would go hiking whenever I was down or stressed and there is nothing like that available here. My friend also suggested getting into a hobby so I am thinking of doing another scrapbook. I usually don't do those as it is an expensive hobby and take a lot of time but I really think it will help.

I was feeling really good last night because of all that so was surprised I nearly started crying in church today. This definitely feels like a shift in hormones. I got it after all of my pregnancies including my son's. The pressure of the sadness is easing with each day so hopefully it means things are regulating.

My next major hurdle is dealing with my in-laws. They are coming for a visit in just over a week. The last time they were here I had just found out I was pregnant and then when they left, I had said, "next time you see me I'll be big and pregnant" and then they said "we'll see". :cry: I still haven't forgiven them for that and now I keep thinking how I should be 4 1/2 months pregnant and fairly big by now as I showed early with my son. That "we'll see" keeps playing over and over in my head. They're not mean people but I find them so stressful and DH just hides behind his computer the whole time leaving me to deal with them. I wanted to kill them when I had pregnancy hormones raging inside. Don't know how I'll be with post m/c hormones. :wacko:


----------



## rayraykay

I had a really tough time in high school and have had the same counselor on and off since I was 15, for 10 years now. She was extremely helpful in the fall when I was going thru my miscarriage. I don't think I could have gotten thru it without her. She was incredible. It just felt so nice to open up to someone who wasn't my husband or my mom... she just gave me a great support. I would highly recommend it if you can find a person you like talking to. 

I am so sorry to hear that your in-laws are sooo insensitive to what you've been going thru. To say something like that, is unthinkable. I would maybe have a chat with your DH about everything, and ask him if he can be more present while your in-laws are there considering everything that's going on right now. After all, yes, you married him and they are now your in-laws but they are HIS biological parents and he should be the primary one to deal with them when they are here. You are both playing host/hostess, but this time around they should be his primarily to take care of. Maybe I am coming way from left field, but I just think he would be doing you a great favor, and you deserve it. I am so sorry they are stressful, I know how you feel. My mother in law can be an absolute nightmare at times.


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. I said those exact things to my dh already. lol He says ignoring his parents is how he deals with them but we can't both ignore them. So this time it's my turn to ignore them. And he's known them his whole life so he better knows how to deal with their comments. And I'm the one more likely to have some form of overreaction. LIke I said, they're not mean and definitely were not trying to hurt me by their statement. But they are definitely pessimists. That's why we're not telling them the next time we're pregnant. Only positive thinking allowed especially as it will be so hard for me to be positive next time. I'll need all the help I can get.

I'm feeling mostly better today. I think having my big emotional blow up the past few days has really served as an outlet. Yesterday, I realized I hadn't really mourned this last baby. As I was miscarrying it was my other angel's due date so I was crying for that baby. Then I found out my SiL was expecting so I was upset about that and the unfairness of my situation. Now I'm finally missing and mourning this specific last angel. Now that the real grieving has started I know I can get it out of my system.


----------



## JenKum

I am so sorry Starry. So so sorry. No one should have to go through this. I hope that you get your rainbow baby really soon. I have heard that it makes the pain go away.

I had a brutal weekend. It's been one year now since we conceived our baby (that made it 11.5 weeks) and now everything (the sun, birthdays ...) reminds me of what I was doing last year, how I was feeling so different than I am now ... it was so exciting and I was so sick... I miss my baby. My DH is trying so hard to be supportive, but it's so "put on". He totally doesn't understand and I think he thinks that I should have recovered from this by now. I was getting better - but now I'm sort of going through it again. I don't know how I will survive August - the anniversary of the day that I found out that there was no heartbeat, the day of the D&C... I'm starting to feel desperate. I've started getting upset at my DH more.

I can't even imagine what you are going through Starry ... and all the rest of you. And I don't think it's fair. 

When I tell my DH it isn't fair he says that it isn't ... but we're very lucky in a lot of ways. That is true. But the ache of having a MC is not something he gets (even though it was his baby too).


----------



## Starry Night

"Getting over" (if one really can) a miscarriage is definitely an up and down process. I cried over my first angel for two years. I wasn't down in the dumps all the time (I had DS in that time period) but it was just so hard to forget the pain. Grief never really leaves you. All you can do is learn to accept it as a part of your life. A part of you will always miss your baby and that is OK. :hugs:

I think my AF is starting soon. I woke up this morning and my first thought was "I feel like a totally different person". It's as if I awoke from some sort of fever dream. I'm having some terrible back cramps and even had pink spotting today. I'm still sad but the sun seems brighter and the sky seems bluer. I hope this period clears up all the messed up hormones.


----------



## Left wonderin

Jen I'm sorry your having such a hard time of it right now anniversary s re awaken all the feelings :( and bring us right back to the time and day xxxxx its all part of grieving . Don't be hard on yourself and just mind yourself during the time xxxxxxxxx 

Starry I'm so glad you are feeling a little better :) bloody HORMONES !!!!!!!!! Xxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

AF is now here in all her glory. Ugh. But then I know that once it is done it will be a whole new world. I hope my rainbow is around the corner.


----------



## Carybear

Awwww Starry.. I'm so sorry... I pray that this AF clears out all the hormones and you find yourself feeling better.

Left how are ya feeling?

I've been testing, all bfn... AF is due Friday..


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry here is to the whole new world , it seems like its been a long time coming for you xxxxx 

Cary still 3 days to go xxxxxxxxx How are you doing with everything going on in your life ???


----------



## Left wonderin

AFM I'm keeping a low profile these days , still taking it one hour at a time ( or should I say trip to the toilet at a time ) !!! Today I'm doing ok xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

It's been 34 days since my d&c so that is actually a pretty quick turnaround for AF. Last time it took 8 weeks! Of course, I knew I was going to miscarry for 3 weeks before my d&c. But I do feel like my body is back on track. I ovulated and AF is behaving normally (so far) and is actually just a little bit lighter than usual though not by much. I was so worried I'd get the bleed-out periods I got after my last m/c and the birth of my son. 

With my longer cycles I only have one shot before I see my OB about getting the referral to the fertility clinic. In fact, based on my 40 day cycles, I will be either getting AF or bfp just a few days before my appointment. If AF arrives I'll base my decision on whether to WTT or to continue NTNP on how long it will take after that to be seen by the clinic.

I do really believe my next baby will be my rainbow. Both DH and I just "feel" it.

Left - glad to hear that each day is going well so far. With my son's pregnancy I lived day to day and celebrated every week I completed. Looking ahead was too stressful. Enjoying the moment really is the best way to handle things. I hope things continue to go well for you and your baby. :hugs:

Cary - I really hope your turn comes soon. :hugs:

Jen - I hope you are doing OK. Anniversaries and milestones are so hard but you will get through them. :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Yeah Left!!! We're celebrating another day with you! Each day down is one more day closer to holding your rainbow in your arms!

Starry... You just never know... This next time could be it. Regardless, I feel sure that your son will have a baby sister or brother! I'm so glad that AF is normal... And tht you are feeling better.

AFM... My grandpas viewing is tomorrow night and funeral is Thursday morning. My mom is trying to make decisions about chemo and such... I'm just trying to be there and be supportive. DH and I have always been close, but we are definitely getting closer. (Though he knows exactly how to push me to the edge 

I have no symptoms whatsoever except for a zit on my chin which is a pretty normal AF symptom... I still get occasional twinges in my stomach.

I made an appointment with a new OBGYN who came highly recommended. She is actually a reproductive endocrinologist  while I am going for an annual, I will also go armed with all my questions.

I've started exercising... I just really need to get rid of my stress.. And drop about 60 lbs ... So here is to day two of my new excercise regime


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi ladies , Starry that sounds like a plan and I'm so glad AF came quickly this time you have done enough waiting !!! 
Cary I too could do with loosing a bit lol and getting a bit more active !!! 
My current goal is to get to the 12th of July and my first u/s , that's as far ahead as I'm looking right now xxxxxxxxxx I feel a little guilty I'm not allowing myself bond with this beanie :( I'm just trying not to think about it :(


----------



## Starry Night

Left - don't feel guilty. I didn't bond with my son's pregnancy until I found out the gender at 18 weeks. It is our way of protecting ourselves. :hugs:

Cary - I hope your new OB will be able to help you with getting your rainbow. Will be thinking of you today and over the next few days. :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey Starry I guess that kind of makes sense to me , my OH got mad with me yesterday as he made some comment like " they referring to baby will be just like me " I replied with now now none of that don't count your chickens and cut him off straight away , it was an impulsive reaction was out of my mouth before I knew it . He got upset and said " is this not supposed to be a happy time , I won't open my mouth so ! I think he thinks its a done deal n my head that we will not get to keep this baby but its the only way I can get through each day ....... Not getting hopeful :( its awful but its how it is :(


----------



## Carybear

Take it one day at a time left... There is nothing wrong with that


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Cary it means so much to,me to have you guys xxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

We're here... For the joys you have to share, the fear that keeps you up convincing you it won't last, the happy moments, the lows, ect... That's what we're here for...

The viewing was tonight. Just got home and have to eave at 8 tomorrow to go back or the funeral... It was hard, but I realize his body is only a shell... He's not there anymore.

I saw aunts and uncles that I haven't seen in 25 years and cousins I had never met..


----------



## Carybear

Well ladies... Just went to the bathroom and there was a touch of brown and pink on the toilet paper with a drop of red... Either IB or AF... Lets see what tomorrow brings..


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Cary. It sounds like the next few days will be tough. I hope the spotting was IB.


----------



## rayraykay

Hoping its IB!!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary mind yourself over the next few days xxxxx its lovely to reconnect with family but it terrible its due to such a sad occasion xxxxx hoping its ib and your month Cary


----------



## Carybear

I woke up to just spotting... All brown... And only when i wipe If it is AF.. then it's never been like this before.

Tested but BFN... If AF doesn't start today then I will test on Saturday.

We DTD twice this month. Once on cd14 when I had a few spots of blood and ewcm, and once 8 days ago when I had pinching pain in my ovaries... Today is cd 32 and since the mc AF has been arriving between cd33-35...

Either way I am at peace. The casket will not be open today so really I said my goodbyes yesterday. I will miss my grandpa and his corny jokes! My grandpa fought at Normandy during www2 and was a part of d-day. He will be honored with a salute and a flag today.

Thanks so much for the support ladies...


----------



## Carybear

The ceremony was lovely. My grandpa was buried in the national cemetery in Florida. They did the 21 gun salute and talked about his service to his country.

I'm so proud of who he was. I will miss him.


----------



## rayraykay

I am so sorry about the loss of your Grandpa. I am so glad it was a nice ceremony tho. He's now one of your angels, xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

Thanks ray ray... He was a cool guy

The spotting is redish brown but is only there when I wipe... I'm a little uncomfortable and the cramping is off and on... It's not like a period cramp... Just a little uncomfortable and heavy feeling. I don't have the usual backache... But I just want to know one way or another... Uggghhhh....


----------



## Starry Night

Crossing my fingers for you, Cary!

Had another 'down' day today. Can't wait till AF is over and I feel like I can "do" something about my situation. Trying gives me some of my power back. I know we're technically NTNP and I plan to stick to that but I'll still be making it possible for a bfp.


----------



## Carybear

Af hit today.... I have never spotted for that long before AF.

Another question to ask the OBGYN...


----------



## Starry Night

I'd definitely ask the OB about any help you could get in getting your rainbow. I hope she really listens to you and can come up with a viable plan for you.


----------



## Carybear

Right now I feel pretty down... Everything aches and I was losing quite a bit of blood today... 

Do you ever just want to scream at your life? I mean.. DH and I went out for ice cream and it didnt take long for me to want to go home. He said to me... You just need rest... I had to laugh... I thought no, what I need is for my grandpa to be here, for my mom to be fine and to feel fine with no more cancer. I need my dad to not be in constant pain. I need to be a stay at home wife who doesn't have the pressures of a job that sucks the life out of me.. I need to hold my rainbow babies and know that I too can be a mom.. I need to go to church and worship instead of working the entire time... I want to stop bleeding and know that it is because i am pregnant!!!! And the list goes on... Of course I didn't say all that I just smiled and said yeah... I need rest..

Sorry for the rant....


----------



## Starry Night

I think a few rants will do you good. You've been under so much pressure. I do think it would be good to be open with your dh about your feelings. It might help.

If there is anyway for you to gracefully exit your church obligations then that might help. Someone should understand that you need a break.

I've really been thinking of you. It must be so hard. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Cary I just really want to give you a big hug and sit with you xxx sounds like you could do with some minding right now :( Rant away girl , its good to say how you feel and not keep it all bottled up inside 
Starry I'm hoping AF goes soon and you feel more in control , its been a very long journey for you . Ps Goodluck with the in laws.... Remember to breath !


----------



## Carybear

You're right Starry.... But when I talk to DH he just says everything will be fine...
At this point there is no way for me to back out, but I will be talking to the pastor in about a week.
I hope everything goes good with the inlaws... I will be thinking about you

Left.. I could use that big hug...

This AF was terrible. I went through 4 pads last night and still had it overflow. It's slowing down now.

I hope everyone is having a good Saturday...


----------



## Starry Night

:hug:

Sometimes it is tough for men to just offer a listening ear. They are fixers. I snap at DH every time he says "it's going to be OK" because he said that during my past two pregnancies and it wasn't. That usually reminds him that pat answers aren't helpful when someone just wants to talk.

And I'm sorry that AF is being so heavy for you. I don't know how you feel about it, but have you tried wearing tampons at night? I have to do that otherwise I would overflow everywhere. It sucks. :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Dh loves me very much... But he cant just say honey im sorry... he has to fix everything...

Not much of a tampon girl, but if it stays like this I might have to consider it...

It was much lighter today and is looking like I'm going to only have about two days of actual bleeding. I think what makes it so heavy is that I clot so much. But shouldn't the actual flow be more than two days? These are the questions that I plan to ask when I go... The mc messed up my body so much...

Was supposed to go to a baby shower tomorrow. I used the death in my family as an excuse. I just can't do it right now... I'm 12 days away from what would have been my due date, and i just can't go to another shower...


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh Cary you do what makes you feel ok , everything else can wait and people will understand xxxx if they don't well that is their problem not yours !! My doctor told me that to be classified a " Mensa " or a period bleeding must be three days long . It might be worth checking it out at your appointment . Is it coming up soon ?


----------



## Lil_Pixie

I ladies, mind if I jump in? 

I miscarried at the begining of April and was advised not to ttc for at least three months. Those three months are practically up now, and while I'm not sure if I'm ready to jump back in I definitely want to think about it now. 

It took us three years to get our bfp with my son, Xander, and were very surprised to get a bfp just 5 months after my cycle returned, but unfortunately it wasn't to be. When we do get back into ttc we're expecting it to take a while so I'm looking for somewhere to wait it out with people in a similar situation


----------



## RedWylder

Welcome Lil! We hope that we can support you any way possible. Feel free to vent and talk about anything that you need to here.

How is everyone doing? I know I'm out of the loop but I don't want you to think I don't care. I've been working at the fire station so much I have hardly any time to think about TTC. I will say that my stomach has been feeling a little weird lately which I'm sure could be the heat or other things but it reminds me of the way my stomach first felt when I found out I was pregnant. Test as of yesterday is BFN but I'll let you know if anything changes. I'm dreading going back to my regular teaching schedule in August because that means I have to return to life as we know it. Right now it's so much easier to forget I was ever pregnant.

Anyways I hope you guys are staying strong through all of pregnancy's and pre-pregnancy's battles. xxxx


----------



## Carybear

Welcome Lil... So sorry for your loss... I will have been trying or 3 years this July with one mc last November.

Thanks left... I don't think I've had three actual days of flow nice the miscarriage... With this one, I bled all day Friday, super heavy Friday night and then could have worn one pad most of the day yesterday and today.

I hear ya red... It's so much easier to forget when you're busy... As bad as it fees to once again have another period, it is no where near as hard as another mc... I'm thinking about you...

Well, I went to church today and there was the worship leader ready to pop... She's the one that announced she was pregnant five days after I miscarried. She was complaining about how she just wanted to pop this baby out... I thought yeah... Wish I was at that stage... She kept talking about two more weeks... Life is so unfair... I'm not jealous of her... Just hard to see..


----------



## Starry Night

I'm so sorry, Cary. That must have been so hard. But you will survive. I know it doesn't feel like it right now. Just keep reminding yourself that they don't mean anything by it. I've had people moan about their pregnancies within minutes of my mentioning my struggling emotionally post m/c. Only those who had losses or infertility themselves looked shocked when the other girl did that. The others just joined in with their own pregnancy horror stories. I had to force myself to remember that being big and huge is uncomfortable and the hormones make everything seem horrible. When the due date is that close they can't see how a person who had gone through a loss would give anything to be feeling those things. In a way I wish we could make them see that feeling fat and heavy is better than the ache of empty arms.

Lil - welcome to our group. I am sorry that you have to be here but we will try to support you the best we can. I hope you get your rainbow soon.

afm - just waiting for AF to taper down. AFter my first 3 days it has been unusually light which is such a relief. Tomorrow should be the last day. I do find that I often feel the worst at the end of AF. I don't know why, but I just feel gross and icky and extra crampy.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry you are so right , if I ever get to the point of nearing the end of a pregnancy , I really am going to try so hard to embrace every ache , pain , discomfort felt . Embrace and celabrate it :) xxxxx xxxxxx

It's great that AF is almost gone and wasn't too heavy you were concerned she maybe

I think as she had been in the past ? What's your plan now starry ? Ntnp while waiting for your appointment ? 

Happy Monday to everyone , hope you all have a great start to the week xxx


----------



## Starry Night

Right now I think we're ntnp until the appointment. But we may bump it up into actual TTC. I've recently read that really heavy periods can be linked to recurrent m/c as the heavy periods are usually a result of a hormonal imbalance. Looking back, I have realized that my son's pregnancy...my only successful pregnancy...came after a series of lighter-than-usual AFs. All my losses came after especially heavy cycles. So right now I feel like my body is saying it's a good time to try with the lighter AF. Also, I'm just "feeling it". I feel like my time is now. Obviously, there is only so much that is in my power but I feel like my body is telling me "go". I'm a little afraid the OB will scold at me if I get pregnant before I see her but I figure it's my life.


----------



## Starry Night

How are you feeling, Left? I hope morning sickness isn't too bad for you and that things continue to go smoothly.

Cary - how are you doing today? Thinking of you as your due date approaches.


----------



## Left wonderin

Got a text today from a friend says thinking of you this month , my due date is fast approaching , was so nice of her to remember me . Starry not really sick more starving like my organs are about to eat themselves but I have no desire to eat at all !! Groceries shopping is a knightmere , everything I pick up I think ...uck .... There have been a few occasions where I thought ok I'm going to hurl mainly first thing in the morning and late afternoon but its not too bad so far which again I'm worrying if its a bad thing .....trying not to think too much about it . And I think you are so right, listen to your body :) it is your life and we all only get one shot at it xxxx xxx


----------



## Carybear

Left.. Glad morning sickness isn't too bad...

Starry, I say go for it... There is something to be said for our intuition.

Today is a good day... Yesterday sucked... I didn't even realize when I made the appointment, but I will be seeing the OBGYN on what would have been my due date... The icing on the car will be for the other lady to actually give birth on July 11 instead of July 15 (which is her due date)...

My periods have been seriously different... I get about one 24 hour period that is very very heavy and then it's light the Rest of the time. Honestly, I clot so much... I think the heavy bleeding comes more from clots than actual blood flow... Any ideas on why? I mean I get big clots...

I'm actually looking forward to going to the OBGYN... I have so many questions


----------



## Starry Night

My miscarriages were more clots than flow but I'm not sure why something like that would happen. I do get clots during my period but I think it's mostly flow. It's hard to say as I wear tampons now. But I remember getting lots of flow and clots during AF when I was wearing pads. Maybe you have developed a clotting disorder? I know they can cause miscarriages but maybe they affect fertility as well? Just a few more weeks until your appointment. but clots don't necessarily mean a clotting disorder either. I was tested for them during my son's pregnancy and it came back negative.

And take each day as it comes. Some days will be good and some will be hard. I find that the best way to get through due dates is to set aside some time to be sad and cry and be angry. Then do something fun and distracting.


----------



## Carybear

Not sure... But I started to need a pad on Friday... By Saturday afternoon it had tapered off and I could have used justone pad all day Sunday, yesterday, and today...,

Not sure how I will feel next Thursday, but I'm taking it one step at a time... Of course I will have a distraction as I will be at the OBGYN...

How are you feeling?


----------



## Starry Night

I'm feeling OK. First day without AF today and already getting mild ovulation signs (wet cm & mild one-side pinching) which is way early for me. Maybe my body is still on hyper-hormone mode. Emotionally, it is a bit of a down day. Feeling a little depressed and my anxiety is flaring up. I can imagine the most awful things and then be genuinely afraid these things will actually happen. I try to pray them away as we are not meant to live a life of fear.


----------



## Carybear

I understand that... My brother is here visiting and we had a bunch of family over. It was so nice... Crazy to cook for everyone, but really nice...

Everyone just left, andi thought... You know what I want to be happy... I want to be free...I'm so going to work on that!


----------



## Left wonderin

Free and happy sounds nice :) it's a great goal to aim for :) Sometimes acceptance is so hard :(


----------



## Starry Night

It is a struggle. And when you find acceptance something comes up and you lose it again. It's a constant choice. I wish I could let go and never think of it again. *sighs*


----------



## Carybear

I understand that perfectly... I want to go back to last October when I thought the only problem was getting pregnant... Not staying pregnant...


----------



## Left wonderin

Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a switch ye could flip in your head lol...... Thinking on , thinking off !!!!! Life would be transformed !!!! I'm starting to panic now as the scan gets closer , have myself convinced it will be bad news . Haven't a whole lots of ms going on , have reached a couple of times in the last 3 morning but that's it :( I rationally know the lack of or presence of symptoms does not guarantee a healthy pregnancy but its not helping !!


----------



## rayraykay

I promise Left... lack of symptoms early on doesn't always mean bad things. I had no morning sickness, absolutely NONE until 11 weeks. I have had terrible headaches that make me throw up once or twice a week from then on. I know this might not help, but I wanted to share that with you. I was also worried sick before my first scan because of lack of symptoms. Then I got what I wished for, in spades. I am grateful for it.

It is so unfair for women who have gone thru miscarriages, the innocence and pure joy of pregnancy is ripped from us forever. I know that even if this pregnancy goes all the way thru and I get my rainbow baby at the end, when I go to have baby #2, I will have the same heart wrenching fears. It would be awesome of there was a switch to turn off the memories of the past, or a way to wipe our memories so that when we get that BFP, it can just be a joyful occasion. 

I am sending you all love and hoping you have a wonderful fourth of july with your families. xoxoxo


----------



## Starry Night

How is everyone doing?

Not too much to report here. It will be a long while until I ovulate and have my first real TWW since the m/c. But I am looking into switching doctors. We are getting a new GP in the area who has a special interest in maternity care. Sounds like it would be a more ideal situation for me especially if I do go to the fertility clinic. It would be nice to have a GP who would understand what is going on and could work well alongside the specialist.


----------



## Carybear

Starry that sounds awesome!!! You should def switch!

Left, I second ray-ray... I'm praying or a delightful scan and can't wait to see the pics!

Ray so glad things are gong great for you!

AFM... It's a rough week for me. I'm just holding on to God nd walking through it.

I have been faithfully working out nd cutting back on foods... And I've gained 2 lbs! Sigh...


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I think I remember reading somewhere that it is common to gain a few pounds when first starting to diet and exercise. I forget why that is though. But I have noticed it with myself and I still have been able to eventually lose weight. 

I'm starting to crack down on diet as well. I gained 10 pounds over the winter and in between my two m/c's and I had worked so hard to lose all my baby weight. I'm going for more walks again and that really helps with the depression. I no longer feel crushed by sadness. If you're able to even do some short strolls with hubby in the evening a couple times a week I think you'll find it makes a world of a difference. It doesn't make the situation better, of course, but it helps you deal with it better.

I'm still having a hard week though. The exercise and cleaner diet have made me feel less sad but I still feel incredibly discouraged. A sort of "what's the point" kind of feeling when it comes to TTC. I know I can get a bfp but I just feel like it is inevitable that it will miscarry. I know...it's a rotten attitude to have.

I did call to make the switch but the new doctor can't see me until the end of September (just how our health care system goes) so it will be awhile before I will find out if I can make the switch or not.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks for the advice. I often try o get my hubby to walk with me, but he is tired when he gets home from work. I end up walking alone or with my sister. But I do notice my clothes getting looser..

It's hard to not have that attitude,especially when you've suffered so much loss. But their is something to be said for positive words and thoughts. We just have to keep trusting that God has a plan.

I get upset because I keep getting bfn, butben I have to remember that I asked God not to let me get pregnant if it wasn't going to stick.

We took my niece to the ER yesterday. She's seventeen and does not take care of her diabetes .. She ended up in childrens hospital trying to stabilize her blood sugar.

I'm getting pain in my right side again... Could I really be ovulating this early? It is only cd8... Hmmm..,,


----------



## Starry Night

Maybe your body is preparing to ovulate so you're getting some pre-ovulation cramps? I find I get that some cycles. Actually, the last cycle I conceived I got some extra strong ovulation signs with some cramps coming early. Maybe that is a sign of extra fertility? I don't know.

I'm sorry to hear about your niece. I hope she feels better soon and learns the importance of managing her diabetes. Diabetes used to be a death knell back when people didn't know how to manage it. My grandmother lost her father at a young age due to diabetes. Adult-onset diabetes is in my family and my mom used that as a scare tactic to get us to eat our vegetables as kids. 

I had bit of a breakdown last night and just cried. Definitely feeling the weight of despair and just missing my little angels. I'm trying to force myself the face the fact my SiL is pregnant and due almost when I should have been but I'm still not ready. It makes me so miserable. I hate that our health care system makes me wait and wait just to meet with people....never mind actually get things started or getting the help I need.


----------



## Carybear

Crying is healing... That is what I have been told. I'm reminded every day how life is not fair....
We, unfortunately, are headed your way when it comes to health care... It is nice o be able to pick up the phone and make an appointment with whoever whenever...

My niece is adorable and I love her... But when it comes to diabetes I'd like to swat her behind!!! She is seventeen and thinks she is invincible....

I had ewcm yesterday and it was lotiony too... So I think that is the very early stages... Guess I will have to wait and see. I'm looking forward to my doctors appointment on Thursday....


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey ladies :) looks like its only the three of us hanging out here these days , where has everyone gone ??? I ain't going nowhere till we all get our rainbow babies :) 

It is so hot here today it's awful :( was at a country fair and dog show all day and had to sit outside , too hot for me . It didn't help that I was exhausted and felt pucky all day !!! Now I'm home and all I want is my bed .. I find it hard sleeping when I'm too warm .
Cary how is your mam doing ? Starry I never asked how the visit with the in laws went ? 
I've been a bit self obsessed I'm afraid lately almost afraid to breath in case it makes something go wrong !!! But I'm still here hanging with me gals :) xxxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary is your appointment with a FS ?


----------



## Starry Night

My visit with the in-laws went better than I expected. I counted only 2 really stupid things my MiL said and I don't recall my FiL saying anything. And the stupid things weren't about my m/c's or about getting pregnant so not so bad. The worst was my MiL said we weren't practicing talking with DS and that is why he is not talking yet. But of course we ARE practicing talking and DS just won't have any of it. And she is an 8 hour drive away. How would she know what we do or do not do? I was so mad that I literally stormed out of the room. But I had been feeling sick so I think they just thought I needed to go back to bed.

So yeah, first full day they were here I felt awful. I think my iron was low or something so I slept most of the afternoon and evening. And then the next day DS threw a fit or I don't know what was wrong with him, but I stayed home while the others went to the fair for Canada Day. The next day they went home. So I didn't have to see them that much.

Left - hope the weather cools soon! Being pregnant in the summer is no fun!


----------



## rayraykay

Oh man Cary I'm so sorry about your niece. Diabetes is such a tough disease to deal with I've heard... And of course it gets way worse if not properly managed. (Or so I've heard I really don't know much about diabetes.) what a wonderful aunt you are to be with her at the hospital. I hope her health improves soon.

Starry I am soooo happy the visit went better expected. Dealing with in laws is just HARD. Ours always complain that we don't see them often enough & they are in the same town but my husband doesn't wanna see them super often. His mother is sooo overbearing and he's just over it. I'm sure she thinks it's me who keeps us away but I encourage us to see them and he doesn't want to. Soooo... Whatever. It is inappropriate that she commented on your son's speaking ability. Every child is different and learns to speak at a different pace. It's none of her business and she definitely doesn't know what you do and don't do with him at home. I am glad, however that she didn't comment on any mc's. that SO isn't her place. But hey, it's over with now. I really hope you start to feel better soon. 

Left- can't wait to hear about the appointment & stay cool however you can!!!! 

xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

Hey everyone! 

Starry, I'm glad things went good... Kids talk at different times and it won't be long before he is talking so much you wouldn't mind a few of those quieter days  it tends to happen fast... Like they are just soaking up the words around them and then one day it just flows out... Was very rude of her to say anything though..,

Left, I'm sorry the heat is getting to you! Can't wait to hear how your scan goes!

Rayray it's great to hear from you... I would be there for any of my nieces and nephews, but Maddie is extra special. My sister and I lived together when maddie was just 3... I had her a lot and I was her kindergarten teacher  she totally destroyed my nice peaceful classroom, but I loved teaching her!

My appointment is with an OBGYN who just so happens to be a reproductive endocrinologist as well... This is good for me because my insurance will not pay a dime for me to see a fertility specialist... I need an annual, so I figure while I'm there I will pull out my very lengthy page if questions... Trying to get some help if I can. 

I can't help but feel that maybe my hormones are messed up... My periods are just way too short... They come regularly, but at best I'm getting 2 days of bleeding and mat f that is just clots... Not really a flow.. I've ad so any pregnancy symptoms, plus gaining a lot of weight.. I'm hoping she will at least do some blood tests to check hormones and things like that.


----------



## Carybear

My brother bought my mom a ninja... It blends, processes, etc... I've been making smoothies with spinach, kale, carrots and fruit! It's very healthy and tastes pretty good (I'm picky.. Very picky) anyone in the last week with exercise and watching how much I eat I've lost 2 lbs!! Not a lot but you have to start somewhere!!!


----------



## rayraykay

Nice work Cary!!! That's awesome!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - would your insurance cover any sorts of tests if your new OBYN was the one conducting them? It would be nice to take real advantage of her specialties as you can't get to the Fertility Clinic due to the insurance issue. 

It sucks that money has to be an issue when it comes to fertility issues. I know that if any of our prescribed treatments aren't covered by our universal health care or isn't of low cost we'll have to give them a pass too. For instance, progesterone (a common drug to treat m/c) is about $100 for 21 or 22 pills and we definitely could not swing that unless we only needed the one pack. Not sure it works that way though. It's part of the reason we're not waiting for testing to ntnp. I'm not waiting a year to find out we can't go through the treatments anyways. I'm just hoping that since we're going for miscarriage treatments that some of those costs will be covered. As I understand it, our provincial universal health care covers the testing for miscarriages but not infertility. Though there are tax rebates for IVF and such and private insurance as well.


----------



## Carybear

Ray... Thanks 

Starry, Wow! Yeah... Lack of money does stink... I'd look into adopting if I could afford it..

How are you feeling?

Last night we DTD and there was just a tiny spot of blood after. Today my lower back hurts with a lot of pressure... Feels like I'm going to get AF... But that can't be right... I'm only on cd 11


----------



## Carybear

I've had pain in both ovaries off and on for a couple of days... Do you think I'm ovulating early?


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary it sure sounds like it ! Maybe o/v early is a good sign , when is normal for you to o/v ?


----------



## Carybear

Prior to my mc I was pretty much cd15 of a 30 day cycle.. After my mc my cycles went to be tween 33-35 days... And I was ovulating around cd21... So early would be better than an lp of 10-12 days...

I guess in my new normal I shouldn't ovulate for another 10 days


----------



## Starry Night

I hope you're ovulating. It would be nice. Even if you are getting a random normal cycle maybe that is all you need to catch a sticky egg.

I'm still feeling bloated and have terrible back aches. Even was a little nauseous this morning but I think it may be from the pain. A little down about my weight especially as I'm struggling to return to the necessary eating habits to lose it again. I am adding more fruits and veggies but my portion sizes are still too big. *sighs* I really want to be as healthy as I can be before I get pregnant again.


----------



## butterfly_23

I had a miscarriage last year in May. We did not try to get pregnant for a couple of months. We've been trying since last month but now my hubby feels pressured and is not in the mood for baby making when I tell him. I don't know what to do...


----------



## Carybear

I agree starry.... I'll take random if it works! I think I remember my last OBGYN saying that my uterus is tipped. That is something I will be asking on Thursday... Cause I know it can be harder to get pregnant...

Still getting lots of ewcm... So taking advantage to bd as much as possible 

I really like the smoothies with vegetables and fruit.. A little orange juice and almond milk.. At least it helps me to feel a little healthier... Sorry you're feeling so poorly.. Praying it passes soon.. 

Sorry for your loss butterfly... I wouldn't tell him that it is th right time... Just use another means of persuasion


----------



## Carybear

Left, when is your scan?


----------



## RedWylder

butterfly_23 said:


> I had a miscarriage last year in May. We did not try to get pregnant for a couple of months. We've been trying since last month but now my hubby feels pressured and is not in the mood for baby making when I tell him. I don't know what to do...

I know how hard that must be. Just try to remember that making a baby should be a happy thing that is shared between two people. If both of you are not feeling into it then that can leave some hard feelings. Instead, I would concentrate on your relationship with your hubby and try to be as happy as possible although it's easier said than done. Over the past year of TTC, there have been many times where my hubby and I have not been on the same page and the more I tried to force it, the worse we felt. Now that I'm not "trying" and just rolling with whenever we feel like doing the dance, things are going MUCH better. Hang in there!


----------



## Left wonderin

Carybear said:


> Left, when is your scan?

Its at 10.30am on Friday the 12th ....three more sleeps ....... I'm very nervous :wacko:


----------



## Carybear

I'm rooting for you! Can't wait to hear how it went...

I have a friend who is pregnant (due in December) and she just got tested for Down's syndrome... It came back positive. She just went in for more testing and will get the results tomorrow.. I feel for her...


----------



## rayraykay

thinking of you left... hang in there... all will be okay.

Cary gosh I am so sorry to hear that. I was so nervous about that scan. My doctor did tell me tho sometimes when it comes back positive and they do more testing it is actually negative. Maybe that will be the case but if not, I feel for her too. That's tough, but it's better to know and prepare. I know it wouldn't have changed anything about my pregnancy except how I prepared, but it is an incredible lifestyle change. I am thinking of her and praying for her.


----------



## Starry Night

butterfly - sorry to hear about your loss and that it is taking longer than you would like. TTC can be really stressful. I agree with Red, just focus on your relationship and try to have sexy times throughout the month so he won't figure out when is the 'right' time. Also trying avoid using too much TTC lingo or giving him status updates on your cm and such, etc. I can imagine how hard that would be. I have a dh who lets me spew about my cycles and TTC and such and I can only imagine what it would be like if he suddenly asked me to stop. 

Good luck and we're always here to talk about things with. :hugs:

Red - good to hear from you again!

Left - good luck with your scan. I'm sure these next 3 days will crawl. We'll be thinking of you.

AFM - just trying to hang on. Looking over my history, I have realized that I have conceived my first normal cycle after my weird, short post m/c cycles. So now I just have to wait and see how many of these weird cycles I have.


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks starry! I'm doing ok. I'm still super busy and trying to stay away as much as possible. I did have a break down this week. My period is on it's way it appears. I've had some red blood but then it quit...not really sure what's going on but it is making me emotional. I have to face the fact that I did indeed miscarry and have to move on.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Thanks starry! I'm doing ok. I'm still super busy and trying to stay away as much as possible. I did have a break down this week. My period is on it's way it appears. I've had some red blood but then it quit...not really sure what's going on but it is making me emotional. I have to face the fact that I did indeed miscarry and have to move on.

Red :hugs: your hormones are probably still all over the place adding to how you are feeling :cry: I hope you can begin to feel a little better soon xxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Sending hugs red... Sorry you are feeling down. Staying busy is such an excellent thing to do.. You don't ever forget, but it makes the time go by.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm wishing my life away....

AFM... One more day until my appointment. I'm praying that this OBGYN is willing to share answers with me... I've been extremely exhausted this week. I mean like I feel like I can't lift my arms. It takes everything out of me to just get out of bed and get ready for work. I keep thinking that maybe my hormones are still messed up..

My thyroid is still normal so thatis good...


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck with your appointment, Cary!

afm - am almost hoping I'm heading to an 18 day cycle like my other post m/c cycles. It would explain the reason behind the awful basket-case I've been the past few days. I'll find out in the next 2 days if I'm going to have an 18 day cycle. More and more it's looking that way. Better stock up on tampons.


----------



## Carybear

Well... I don't know how I expected to feel today... 

I'm excited to be going to my appointment... Sad that today is the day I would have been due, nervous as to why I'm still not pregnant, mad that I'm not holding my baby or wishing he would just come... Irritated with the students I'm teaching because they won't stop talking today...

Uggghhhh.... Just don't know how to feel!

My appointment is in 3 hours!


----------



## Left wonderin

CARY I'm thinking of you on this very sad but special day xxx are you and oh doing anything nice to mark it ? Probably too late to wish you luck at your appointment , but please please come back and fill us in on how it went xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

We are not doing anything... DH feels like it is over and I'm too tired to do anything... This week I have just been exhausted!

My appointment was interesting at best... I had the usual pap done, and brought up my questions. She hadn't really dealt with someone who has had 5 days of positive OPK's... Before...my uterus is very retroverted (tipped) so that explains pain when DTD in certain positions... 

They decided to do a vaginal ultra sound while I was there... They said my lining looked beautiful, but they couldn't find my right ovary... Then, they found it and dr looked at it and she made a face. Then she says to the technician... Why is she bleeding every month? (Talking about me). I asked her what was going on, but she just said let's wait for the blood tests. 

So... I go next Friday for fasting blood work and then the Friday after that to meet with the dr and hopefully I will get some answers.

Now I have more questions (I think she is thinking it is pcos), still missing my lo, and now I'm cramping on my right side and I have a little blood.... Uggghhhhh....


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - sounds like you had a mixed-bag sort of day. I have heard that PCOS can cause false-positive OPKs so that might explain the many days of positive OPKs. It is nice that the doctor is willing to investigate for you and not brush it off as "one of those things". Though I think I would have freaked out if the doctor made a face during an examination on me! 

I'm sorry your DH thinks things are over. Hope the rest of the day goes well. And it's OK to miss your little one. :hugs::hugs:


----------



## Carybear

So... Today is cd14 and they didnt see any follicles... I asked if I cold have already ovulated, but she said that thy would have seen the rupture... Why would I gets side pain, ewcm if I wasn't ovulating?


----------



## Starry Night

Ovulation symptoms only really show that the body was trying to ovulate. It's possible your body geared up to ovulate but didn't and will ovulate later. Sign-spotting is not an exact science. Also, if you do have PCOS, I believe that whatever causes the false-positive OPKs will also create false ovulation symptoms.

With my last bfp-cycle I do recall getting ov-like symptoms around CD12 when I normally ov around CD26. But then, at my regular ov time I got those symptoms again...only stronger. Sure enough, it was 2 weeks later that I got my bfp. And I think it has happened to me again this cycle. A few days back I got some ewcm and mild one-sided pinching but it is way too early for me to ov and the signs were much milder than usual. I also think I could be having an 18 day cycle as getting my usual pre-AF signs too. Will find out tomorrow as I'm on CD18 now.


----------



## Left wonderin

Carya mixed bag of a day is right :hugs: . It does sound however that you are one step closer to getting some answers xxxxxxxx


----------



## Left wonderin

Well ladies the day of my scan has arrived and I'm so so scared , would nearly avoid it if I could ! But in the long run I'd rather know now rather than later if things are not ok . Not quite sure how ill get through it this morning ill be a wreak lying on that table waiting ................... 3 more hours to go ............ Say a wee prayer for me xxxxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Thinking of you! :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Starry , I'm feeling very blessed and thankful right now , my bean measuring 4 days ahead of my calculated 8+3 . Bean measuring 9w . Strong heartbeat and everything looked perfect :) I cried so much as I was so certain it would be bad news ! The midwife had to ask me to stop as I was moving so much she couldn't take the measurements lol....

I thought at one stage she was going to send for a psyc consultation !!! Lol... 
Hearing the heartbeat was one of most amazing things I have experienced . I got 5 pic of my beanie think they just gave them to me to get me out of the room !! 

Thanks so so much for your support I know its not easy and makes it all the more special to me :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Oh Left!! I'm so happy I'm crying right now!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!


----------



## Starry Night

Oh, Left! I'm so happy for you!!! :happydance: I can imagine how you must be feeling. Wow! I'd cry too.

It really is encouraging to see a pregnancy after a loss going well. I need to see it is possible.


----------



## Carybear

I'm truly taking a break and waiting to see what comes out the testing... I took a walk this morning and said goodbye to my baby... I know one day ill see him but I can't keep going back and forth....

Hoping there's nothing wrong that can't be corrected....


----------



## Left wonderin

Carybear said:


> I'm truly taking a break and waiting to see what comes out the testing... I took a walk this morning and said goodbye to my baby... I know one day ill see him but I can't keep going back and forth....
> 
> Hoping there's nothing wrong that can't be corrected....

Cary and Starry thank you so much for your unwavering support . It means so much as I know that you girls have been and are going through so much , the fact that you can share my joy is so selfless and I genuinely appreciate it 

My sister gave me a note today which had this quote from the bible on it .... In the moment it made such sense and spoke to me :flower:

"HE hath made everything beautiful in HIS time " Ecclesiastes 3:1 kjv


----------



## Starry Night

That is a beautiful verse to remember. Thanks for sharing. :flower:

Cary - :hugs: I really hope the testing shows an easy solution for you. I agree that the back and forth is killer. I really hope you and I each get our rainbows one day....soon! 

afm - waiting to see if I'm right about my body going towards an 18 day cycle. I'm currently on CD19 so if I'm right it's going to show sometime today. I do hope I'm wrong because I want to ovulate this cycle! My body feels kind of all over the place so we'll see what happens. My first day of AF always seems to start in the evening.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry and CARY I have faith that we will all get to hold and share our lives with our rainbow babies :) that I have no doubt . In the hospital EPU today there was a leaflet about resilience when I read a quote on it you automatically sprung into my mind Starry you and GARFIE ( from another thread ) thought I'd share with you ( took it home in my bag )

The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun . It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the wind , rain and scorching suns . Napoleon Hill ( 1883-1970 ) 

You have such strength xxxxx


----------



## rayraykay

Thrilled for you left. Couldn't be more excited & happy for you.

I too, truly believe that you, Cary & starry will all hold your rainbow babies. Xoxoxoxo


----------



## Left wonderin

rayraykay said:


> Thrilled for you left. Couldn't be more excited & happy for you.
> 
> I too, truly believe that you, Cary & starry will all hold your rainbow babies. Xoxoxoxo

And you ray and you :) by the time we get ours in our arms you will be the "go to mum " for advice ;) :haha:


----------



## RedWylder

Oh left that is so wonderful. I'm crying, lol. I am so happy you didn't have to experience the pain of losing another.


----------



## rayraykay

Red you are so supportive & sweet it's amazing. 

You will also hold your rainbow baby. I believe it.


----------



## Carybear

I do believe that we will all get there... Starry, red and me! Someday, someway 

AFM the woman who announced her sixth pregnancy a couple of days after my miscarriage had her baby today... Is it weird that I'm relieved she didn't have him yesterday? She went into labour on what should have been my due date, but had him at three am this morning...

They say God never gives you more than you can handle.... God must have a lot of faith in me....


----------



## RedWylder

I feel so bitter and sad right now. I'm just now starting to feel the weight of my loss. It's funny because I watch starry feel all the same emotions and then a few weeks later mine catch up with hers. It seems that there is at least a pattern that we follow. AF just hit me recently so my heightened emotions and lack of getting preggo straight away are wearing my "happy" down.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - :hugs: It is hard to escape the sadness. Right now, for me a good day is when I don't cry or feel sick with rage all day. I try to enjoy my life in the moment but I know that crushing sadness is looming somewhere in the shadows. I think time really is the biggest chance for healing. I have heard elsewhere that your grief will always be a part of your life. Your life simply grows up around that grief. Though the grief remains your other life experiences start to outweigh it and it no longer becomes the main focus.

And it's hard not to see patterns. If someone else is having a rough go it is easy to assume that is how it is going to go for you too. Often I find people want to point to others who "have it worse" to make me feel better but really all I think is "It can get worse???!!!" Never mind that I think it's unfair to expect me to take a "I'm so glad I'm not you" stance to others' situations. It's pretty patronizing. And I could be headed down that road so it's not really a comfort. What do I do then?

We just keep plugging on because we have to. I don't have much energy to deal with people on a regular basis so I'm glad to be SAHM in a small town. I try to have a hobby, do some walking and make lots of love with Dh! :haha: Sounds funny, but it really does have positive effects! 

No sign of AF for me so my theory of 18 day cycle is wrong. I guess it could come any day but now I'm getting one-sided pinches that are getting stronger. I normally ov CD26 so it's still a bit early. I have read that women with longer fertile windows are prone to miscarry so I'm nervous that that is what is happening to me.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> I feel so bitter and sad right now. I'm just now starting to feel the weight of my loss. It's funny because I watch starry feel all the same emotions and then a few weeks later mine catch up with hers. It seems that there is at least a pattern that we follow. AF just hit me recently so my heightened emotions and lack of getting preggo straight away are wearing my "happy" down.

:hugs: I'm sorry you are feeling sad right now sometimes its hard to fathom the unfairness of it all . You too Red Will hold your rainbow baby one day I'm sure of it xxx until then I'm here to walk beside you in your journey if ya would like some company xxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Red... It's not fair! It stinks! Especially when you see others getting pregnant again so quick... We are here for you... Know this... I believe that you will hold your baby in your arms... 

Starry... I seriously hate when people use that on me... My husband likes to say that. I know he means to help, but truthfully it hurts. It's like they're saying that your feelings of hurt don't matter because someone else has it harder... I'm sorry for that person, but it doesn't change how I feel....

Left... You are so sweet... And I'm rooting for ya!

What a wonderful group of ladies!


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh I forgot to ask Cary how is your mom doing ?


----------



## Carybear

Thanks for asking left... for my mom Today was a bad day... She was emotionally down, very shaky, and not remembering things... so it was hard... And my niece is now back in the ER with her sugar... It was over 500 and her keytones were large which is bad...

I'm finishing up lessons for Sunday school and then heading over to the ER... my dad had his back surgery and so he is being a bit needy... And I have nothing planned for summer school on Monday!!

I think I'm a little stressed!


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Cary Sounds like life is really hitting you hard in all directions right now. How much longer is summer school? Are you able to get away with dh for a weekend or anything? You could really use a break.

I hope your mom starts to have some better day and that her cancer goes into remission. And I hope your niece feels better too and smartens up. Maybe these health scares will be the wake-up call she needs. You all love her and want her around for a long time. :hugs:

afm - I am coming up to my fertile window and now I have a yeast infection. I just can't catch any breaks!! :brat: I know we shouldn't dtd as we could just pass it back and forth between us. Going by my 40 day cycles I have until Friday or Saturday so I'm hoping a few days' break will be what I need. I'm just upset that it showed itself late last night. If it had been a few hours earlier we could have picked up some Canesten while we were in town anyways. Everything is closed today so I have to wait for tomorrow. Grrr. It's not too bad. Not itchy so it's probably why it took awhile for me to notice. But my lymph nodes are all so swollen now and feeling a bit flushed and woozy. Gah! Slowly feeling better.


----------



## Carybear

So sorry starry! That sucks! Here's to hoping that it clears up before o.

I really do need to get away, but the money isn't there right now.. But I have faith that at some point we will get there... Life is hard... Lots of lemons... Guess ill have a lot of lemonade sooner or later..


----------



## Starry Night

Any chance for a 'staycation'? My dh and I did that one year for an anniversary as we couldn't afford to do anything else. Maybe splurge to rent a movie and order some take out? 

Sometimes staycations work best when people don't know you're staying home for your holidays. It was only as an adult that I learned that when my parents would send us to our grandparents so they could 'go away' for their anniversary they were actually staying at home. :haha: They *maybe* did a day trip somewhere but really they just wanted a weekend without us. If we had known they were home we would have been calling and begging to go back home (even though we loved staying with our grandparents).

DH and I are going away at the end of summer. We finally booked the hotel. We're going to The Mall of America. So fun! We got our passports this spring so it will be nice to go to the States again. Haven't been in a long, long time. It's only 2 nights but it will be a good break. I just wish I could have found the deals we would have gotten in May when I originally wanted to go. But my m/c took longer than I thought and ended up having my d&c the week I had wanted to go. Oh well.


----------



## Carybear

Well... My mom lives with us so that makes it a little hard... But it sounds like a good idea  

I've never been othe mall of America... I hear its great


----------



## Starry Night

I've never been either. It's bit of a drive but should be fun as I like road trips.


----------



## Carybear

Sounds like it! I like planning trips all most as much as taking them... Im hoping to take a cuise at some time. How are you feeling? 

Red, how are you? I'm thinking about you.

Left, any symptoms?

AFM ... Hearing that there were no follicles has definitely made me more relaxed. A couple of days ago my DH said... Shoud we DTD (of course he didnt use that lingo)... And I was like... Baby, the dr said there is nothing there... We can DTD whenever we want... Just because we want to! So... No symptom spotting and no wondering because essentially there is no tww.. Unless, of course, you count the tww to ind out what the heck the dr ment hen she said... Why is she bleeding every month...

My anniversary is July 24... 3 years  DH and I are doing better than we have ever done before. We've had a good marriage, but as we grow together its just gets better with age...


----------



## Starry Night

These trials can really be a time to bring us together. DH & I had been married a year and half when we had our first miscarriage. He has also just lost his job so we were really forced to pull together.

Cary, when do you see the doctor again?


----------



## RedWylder

Cary, I'm ok. I seem to have passed the majority of PMS hormones and am feeling better. Not great but I'm moving on again. Nothing new to report since I haven't even finsihed this weird period that doesn't seem to want to end. I'm hoping you get answers soon. That's got to be hard to wait.


----------



## Carybear

I go Friday for testing and then meet with the dr the following Friday.... 

Glad to hear you are feeling better Red...

Starry how's the infection?


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary it really sounds like your moving I the right direction and I'm so hopeful that you will get the answers you need to bring you to your Rainbow baby 

Red I'm glad to hear your feeling a little better right now xxxxx hopefully this period will end for you soon x

Starry hope your infection has cleared up for you and your back on track , if it not one thing its the other :( 

AFM : I'm doing good , off work for a few days and loving the weather . My symptoms come and go , mornings after a heave or two are my best time of day :) after lunch its downhill most days and I feel ucky till bedtime but not every day . I'm tired every day though ! Today is my angelvesary so I'm off to leave flowers at the misscarraige memorial in the cemetery . Hope everyone has a good day xxxx


----------



## Carybear

Feeling down today... I feel like everyone is getting what I want... Uggghhhh!!!


----------



## Starry Night

red - that sucks about your weird period. After my m/c in the fall I would get spotting at like 10dpo until AF arrived and then spotted a day or two afterwards. It was yucky. Hope your cycles regulate soon. PMS makes me feel manic depressive but hopefully that will subside for both of us as our cycles go back to normal.

cary - :hugs: Sometimes it is OK to acknowledge that life isn't fair. Desiring a child is so much more than simply envying someone their fancy house or job, etc. It's something so near and dear.

I hope tomorrow is a brighter day for you and that the doctors can find a way to get you your rainbow.

Left - sorry you're feeling so ucky. Your plan for your angelversary sounds lovely. :flower: I wish their was a miscarriage memorial around here.

afm - no signs of infection but now dh is sick. :dohh: I checked my cp and it's high and soft but no ewcm yet. Just white creamy stuff. I hope I actually ovulate this cycle! But I have until this weekend.


----------



## Carybear

Very quiet in here... How is everyone?

I go to the doctors tomorrow or tests, but have to wait until the following Friday for answers... I'm hoping that they give me some answers...


----------



## Left wonderin

Carybear said:


> Very quiet in here... How is everyone?
> 
> I go to the doctors tomorrow or tests, but have to wait until the following Friday for answers... I'm hoping that they give me some answers...

Cary I hope so too :wacko: I'm sure the testing and results can only bring you a step closer to your BFP xxxxxxxxxxx 

What tests are you going for tommrow ?


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - good luck with the tests. I hope the following week passes by quickly for you and that the results give the doctor an idea on how to help you. I hope it is a simple fix too. :hugs:

Left - how are you feeling? Is the nausea easing yet?

afm - a real bummer of a day. Can't get into it as it involves DH. Just really low and stressed and hurt. :cry: To make matters worse, my body is acting like it's pregnant...or at least...it has been...now today I felt unsure and took a hpt in the middle of the afternoon and it was bfn, of course. I mean, I really, truly felt pregnant for days now. And still sorta do. I did get a little bit of ewcm on CD14 so I guess it's possible that was ov. Definitely not getting ov signs now. So I feel hurt in two major ways today. :cry:


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Starry sending you hugs , sounds like your having a crappy day !!!! Aren't there times you could just throttle the OH ! Sometimes I wonder if they very stop and think before they speak ... 

AFM : the last couple of days the uck feeling in the evenings has not been as bad, nor have my sore boobs . I've instead taking to gagging and dry heaving at random times without warning throughout the day lol.... I worry though that the sickness is easing as its too soon but trying not to worry with every little change :(


----------



## Carybear

Left... I'm praying the bean continues to stick... Are you planning to find out the gender?

Starry, so sorry you had a rough day... I've had my share of those... DH is a great guy but he has his moments... I've had my share of crying.... Just last night I had to bite my tongue... The verse about iron sharpening iron comes to mind... My DH def sharpens my iron.

As for feeling pregnant, I'm the worst one for that! Every month I was so sure... This month is different and it has been relaxed because I'm not waiting for a positive test...

Well, I'm off to the dr's...


----------



## RedWylder

Good luck Cary! I hope you get answers and start making forward progress.


----------



## Carybear

I went for hormone testing and a glucose testing... That sugary stuff was gross! I almost threw up! I had to sit for two hours with no water or anything...

My pap came back with no signs of cancer! Very happy about that!


----------



## Left wonderin

That's a bit of good news Cary :) when will you get the other results ? 
And as for gender I honestly,have not thought that far ahead , my aim now is to get to 12th of August and next scan . Hopefully please GOD ill should be one day off 13 weeks then :)


----------



## Starry Night

Left - with my son my symptoms started to ease around 10 weeks. Hcg can start to go down at that point so some of the yucky stuff like morning sickness and bloating goes away (for the most part). I remember being really worried too when all my nausea was gone. It literally disappeared overnight by about 9 weeks. And he is a happy 2 year old now.

afm - still feeling crap. I want to honour dh so I will skip out on the details but he really is in the doghouse right now. Even if I were ovulating it wouldn't matter. Not in the mood to BD. This cycle is a wash. Tested again this morning and it was bfn. But if I was having a regular 28 day cycle I would only be 11 or even 10 dpo today so it's early. I picked up more hpts today. Was tempted to pick up a box of opks just to see if I was ovulating but they're so expensive!! $40 for 9 of the store brand. Yikes. No thanks.

I'm rather crampy today with a lower back ache and just feel gross. It's possible AF is on her way. I'd like to have a 28 day cycle. I haven't had a normal-person cycle since before I conceived my first pregnancy. I mean, I never conceived on one of those shorter cycles but I would like to feel normal.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry thanks so much for taking the time to offer me reassurance xx somedays most days to be honest this still does not feel real ! Just waiting for someone to come burst my bubble ! I know I'm trying not to be pessimistic but I cant be optimistic just yet xx


----------



## Carybear

I usually get lower back pain before AF...

I thinks it great that you are honoring DH... I hope things get better... 

Left stay positive... Keep taking it one day at a time


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - too bad you didn't like the glucose stuff. I remember really liking it when I had to take it. ha ha I thought it tasted like really sweet orange pop. I had heard so many horror stories about it that I was panicked about drinking it but ending up guzzling the whole thing. lol Hope the results come back quickly.


----------



## Carybear

Lol... They told me it tasted like flat Sprite... Flat sprite with a bucket of sugar! I like sugar but not that much  all I kept thinking was please give me water!!!

Thanks... I hope everything is back by my appointment next Friday. I'm ready to get some answers...


----------



## Left wonderin

How awful think I would have had a difficulty too and threw up ! I HATE SUGER IN ANYTHING in coffee, tea on my cereal uck !!


----------



## Starry Night

I normally hate sugary things too so I was nervous. But ours was orange flavoured and I always liked orange pop. Ours was even bubbly like pop. Sugary flat sprite would be gross. Yuck.

afm - took another FRER this morning and got a shadow line. In past experience, shadow lines turned into bfps so I have a glimmer of hope now. Preggo signs are getting stronger. I'm going to try and wait until Tuesday to test again.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry Night said:


> I normally hate sugary things too so I was nervous. But ours was orange flavoured and I always liked orange pop. Ours was even bubbly like pop. Sugary flat sprite would be gross. Yuck.
> 
> afm - took another FRER this morning and got a shadow line. In past experience, shadow lines turned into bfps so I have a glimmer of hope now. Preggo signs are getting stronger. I'm going to try and wait until Tuesday to test again.

Starry wow have I missed something ?:happydance: ill keep my fingers crossed for you ?


----------



## Starry Night

No, you haven't missed anything. I haven't really been talking about my suspicions. As I was approaching what I thought was my ov date I started to notice things that weren't ov signs. Namely darker nipples, preggo cm (abundant, creamy & milky), stretching cramps and big, saggy boobs. Also, my cervix has been high and soft all week. I've been getting bfns the past several days but got a super, super faint line today. With my last bfp I was getting signs from pretty much 1dpo so I think it's a bit early to tell. It looks like this cycle will be about a week or more shorter than I am used to. It is hard to say as my cycle has not really behaved like it did before the d&c so I don't fully know where in my cycle I am.


----------



## RedWylder

Thinking of all of you while trying not to think of me. Fx for starry, good thoughts for Cary getting test results, and sticky dust for Left. Oh and happy baby moments for all my preggos out there still stalking this thread.


----------



## Carybear

Hi red!! 

Starry... Oh my gosh! Can't wait to see a progression!

Left, yep... The girl was like you look a little. Green... Do you want to lay down. I kep thinking if I lay down if going to barf everywhere... Hope it comes back just fine...


----------



## rayraykay

I always stalk. Love to you all.

I hope your test results come back with positive news Cary. 

Good to hear from you red- always sending you love & thinking of you.


----------



## kungfubabe

Hi can I join? Suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks on 4th July. We were advised to wait a couple of months before trying again, but got carried away (twice), and now i suppose we are more ntnp. No idea where my cycle is, as I haven't had AF since mc, but yesterday by late afternoon I was shattered, and I have slept for nearly 11 hours. Haven't done that since the mc, but don't want to get my hopes up.

Glad to have these forums, as need somewhere to worry when i do fall pregnant. We are going to keep it much more quiet this time until the scan. Only people I know we will tell are the guys at the kung fu club, for safety reasons.


----------



## Left wonderin

kungfubabe said:


> Hi can I join? Suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks on 4th July. We were advised to wait a couple of months before trying again, but got carried away (twice), and now i suppose we are more ntnp. No idea where my cycle is, as I haven't had AF since mc, but yesterday by late afternoon I was shattered, and I have slept for nearly 11 hours. Haven't done that since the mc, but don't want to get my hopes up.
> 
> Glad to have these forums, as need somewhere to worry when i do fall pregnant. We are going to keep it much more quiet this time until the scan. Only people I know we will tell are the guys at the kung fu club, for safety reasons.

Hello , I'm sorry for your loss x I had a mc at 12 weeks also ( althought baby was only measuring 7+6 but still had hb until the very end. Poor wee soul was too sickly for this earth. AF can take up,to six weeks to return after mc . Did you have a dnc or a natural mc ? Welcome to the group everyone is lovely here:flower:


----------



## kungfubabe

It was a natural miscarriage. Everytime I think I have dealt with it mostly, it hits me again. Just got in from church :cry: couldn't stop crying. 
Been trying to think of the positive things in life. We have just bought our first house, and move in August :happydance:

Yes, have been reading some of the forums, and everyone seems lovely. But with some threads so long, I gave up trying to read them all through!


----------



## Left wonderin

I ended up having a dnc in the end as I was bleeding quite heavily . A natural mc must have been very tough both physically and emotionally . It must still be very raw as it is so recent . I hope you are looking after yourself and giving yourself time to grieve the loss of your LO. It's such a hard time :( however with time it gets easier and soon the good days out weigh the tough ones . Xxxxxxxxxx hang in there


----------



## Starry Night

kungfubabe said:


> Hi can I join? Suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks on 4th July. We were advised to wait a couple of months before trying again, but got carried away (twice), and now i suppose we are more ntnp. No idea where my cycle is, as I haven't had AF since mc, but yesterday by late afternoon I was shattered, and I have slept for nearly 11 hours. Haven't done that since the mc, but don't want to get my hopes up.
> 
> Glad to have these forums, as need somewhere to worry when i do fall pregnant. We are going to keep it much more quiet this time until the scan. Only people I know we will tell are the guys at the kung fu club, for safety reasons.

Welcome, kungfubabe. :flower: I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. We lost our first baby at 12 weeks quite suddenly. It was a natural m/c and really was devastating. The best advice is just to give yourself time. It's OK and normal to feel sad and angry and to worry about the next time.

As to when AF returns it really depends. After my first loss AF showed up 26 days after my miscarriage. After my second m/c (also natural) it took 8 weeks for AF to show up and this last time it took 34 days after my d&c. This time there were pregnant hormones in my system up until a few days before AF and I was getting pregnant symptoms the whole time. It really felt like a cruel trick. But I have heard it is possible to get pregnant before first AF.


----------



## Carybear

Welcome kungfu... So sorry for ya loss... Everyone in this thread is wonderful...

Starry any news?

Red, how are ya?

Rayray good to hear from u?

Left... I love the new avatar


----------



## Starry Night

No real news. I still plan on waiting until Tuesday to test. Am feeling really pregnant..the signs are growing...which scares me because what if my body is playing one big trick on me? :?


----------



## Carybear

I'm praying for you.... I pray that if you are it's a sticky bean....


----------



## Starry Night

I really hope it would be sticky. Another m/c when my SiL is pregnant would be really, really tough. Being in or near 3rd tri when her baby arrives would make it a lot easier (though still a bit sad)


----------



## kungfubabe

Hope it is sticky starry. Keep us updated


----------



## ilovemyhubby

hey gals! Sorry to all of u angel mommas for your losses.
my daughter was born still fullterm in january. ive been wanting to get pregnant again recently, my periods have been so heavy that im worried that i shouldnt try yet. anyone have similar experiences? advice? 
so frustrated my body doesnt work right.


----------



## Starry Night

Hello and welcome to our group. I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I can't imagine.

I never had a stillbirth but after my son was born I did have very heavy periods. It was almost frightening. One day I had bled through a tampon in 10 minutes. It lasted about 5 cycles for me before they returned to normal. We weren't in a huge hurry for #2 so we had waited until my son was 10 months so things had settled by then. I have read that heavy periods can be a sign that hormones aren\t quite alligned. But I don't know if that would prevent a healthy pregnancy.


----------



## rayraykay

Kungfubabe & ilovemyhubby-

I am so incredibly sorry for both of your losses. However you've come to a thread with some amazing women... So welcome. I hope you find the same comfort that I have in these fabulous ladies. 

I agree with that it depends completely when AF returns. My wait was about 6 weeks long or so. I had a d & c November 19, stopped bleeding December 5th, and waited until January 17th for a period. I waited two cycles and conceived after the second. I think every woman is totally different & should really go with what feels right. For me tho, I wanted to have two full cycles just to get some kind of a read on my body. 

I'm so sorry ilovemyhubby, I can't imagine what you must be going thru. I can't say I have had a similar experience but I can say my two periods I had following my d & c were totally off. There was 37 days between the two cycles (not regular for me at all) and they were both heavier than I remember. 


xoxoxo


----------



## rayraykay

Starry- 

Sticky sticky sticky!!! 

:dust::dust:


----------



## kungfubabe

Hey ilovemyhubby, so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that must have been like.

Wondering at the moment whether I may have fallen pregnant again straight away. The last couple of days I have been feeling really tired, and on occasion my breasts have been hurting again. And then earlier today I started feeling nauseous. Don't want to take a test yet though, as I want to wait as long as possible if I can, so I don't get disappointed, or have longer to worry until I have a scan.
Thing is, I only miscarried 3 weeks ago, so am wondering if it is even possible for me to be pregnant? I know the hcg from before was out my system last Monday, when I had a negative test. Could I be pregnant?


----------



## RedWylder

Kungfu- I know some women have conceived that quickly before and you could be one of them but I think I can speak for most of in saying that our bodies are tricky little *******s after miscarrying. I had my 2nd mc in June and I've had pregnancy signs pretty much since then even when my period arrived.


----------



## RedWylder

bwahahahaha it blocked my B word.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry....what's that test looking like????????????


----------



## elissa12

I also have been trying to get my suprise,but it has been 8mths already I feel happy at the same time and sad for not having a positive sign, but i fear that the same thing will happen again. Also i have seen a genetic specelist who said i could try again since it has been 8mths what she doesnt know that i have secretly been trying. My husband does not want to use the positions that we know will help us since he wants to go on a vacation in mid Oct. and that will be the month we are going to officily try. Also my genetic specilist said to start taking baby asprin has anyone taking it?


----------



## Carybear

Welcome lovemyhubby! I'm so sorry or your loss... I never got to even see mine on an us so I cannot imagine what you have gone through...

Red, so good to hear from you... How are ya?

Hi Ray...

How are thins going left?

Starry.... What happened???

AFM.... I'm just waiting for AF... I'm extremely tired and my BB's are burning on the sides... What is going on??? I've never had them burn on the sides....


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey Starry hope all is ok with you sending you lots of :hugs: 

Cary I know bb can hurt at the sides , almost under your armpit ! You are back for the results this Friday right ? 

Morning everyone else hope ya all have a great day :)


----------



## Carybear

Morning Left... Yep, Friday at 1:30... At least then I can ask what is going on.... Two more days...

I'm assuming there's not much chance since she said there were no follicles... But I did have ov signs about four days before I went... Oh... And I was told I have a beautiful lining...


----------



## kungfubabe

Carybear said:


> Morning Left... Yep, Friday at 1:30... At least then I can ask what is going on.... Two more days...
> 
> I'm assuming there's not much chance since she said there were no follicles... But I did have ov signs about four days before I went... Oh... And I was told I have a beautiful lining...

"A beautiful lining". Quite the compliment!

Hope the time to Friday goes quickly for you. I know waiting for answers can be tough :hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Kungfu  This was right after her comment about why do I bleed every month... I was like... Can you get something to stick in that lining...

Today is my 3rd wedding anniversary!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Happy anniversary Cary , the " wedding " is next on my list lol.......


----------



## Left wonderin

Anyone hear from Starry ? Hope she is ok it's not like her to be so quiet :(


----------



## Carybear

Lol left.... I loved planning my wedding... Had a fabulous day...

Hope everything is ok Starry.... I'm thinking of you...


----------



## rayraykay

I hope you had a wonderful wedding anniversary Cary! Good luck at the appointment tomorrow, I will be thinking of you.


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry for not updating sooner. Got a flippin' bfn and am so confused by my body right now. Spent the past two days crying and sulking. Most of my preggo symptoms have gone away but my silly boobies keep growing and shrinking. I mean, it's noticeable. In the morning they are H-U-G-E and then in the afternoon they're normal. Then they're big again! I didn't think they could change that quickly.

I *might* have gotten ov signs on Monday...about 3 days late compared to my usual 40 day cycles...and we did BD the day before and day of (and day after) so the timing should be OK if that was it. But I honestly don't know at this point. I will test again tomorrow and if it is bfn then I will probably wait until the Friday after. And if AF shows then I will probably just go to WTT so we can get our testing done. Need a break from the drama. This is probably why doctors say to wait a few months to try again. 

Also, a lot of bad storms going through the area. Yesterday, there were lots of tornados in the general area but our town barely got anything. Checked the radar and it showed a hole in the cloud right over our town. But now we're under a tornado watch again. The radar shows most of it should pass us by but it can be unpredictable. Never experienced a tornado and not sure I want to. But I do enjoy thunderstorms as a whole.


----------



## Carybear

So sorry starry... I understand completely... :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


----------



## rayraykay

I am so sorry Starry. I am also sorry about the weather, that's scary. I hope you and yours stay safe. xoxo


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks, ladies. I was finally accepting it may be awhile before I get my baby and then I have to go and get very pregnant-like symptoms and get excited. Why does hope have to hurt? Sometime giving up seems like it would hurt less.

Last month my pregnant symptoms made sense because I still had hcg in my system. This month was just odd. Of course, I am silly enough to not give up until AF actually arrives. I guess I like to set myself up for disappointment.


----------



## Carybear

Don't ever give up... Take a break if you need to, but not I've up... Your lo needs a brother or sister...


----------



## Starry Night

I know I'm not "out" until the :witch: arrives. I just can't trust any signs or symptoms. Perhaps I can't trust the lack of them either. ha ha

The threat of storms fizzled out into nothing. I'm not sure what it is about our area but the storms always form holes over us or split apart as it reaches us. I've watched many a storm rumble on by without getting a drop.


----------



## Carybear

You're right... You're not out yet... I was teaching Sunday school and I was telling the kids... When things get hard and you not think you can go on, just take one little step... Keep moving one step at a time. God is with you even if you feel like you're alone...

That's what I'm doing... One step at a time...


----------



## ilovemyhubby

thanks for the kind words, i hope no other woman has to know what this feels like. but i am hopeful, and have gotten to the point where i think i could emotionally handle another pregnancy. im just hoping my hormones cooperate with me =) ive been drinking some cycle regulating tea with rasberry leaf, parsley and all kindsa hormone regulating herbs and thinking about vitex, i bought a bottle but havent started it yet, heard great things about it tho, any of u guys tried it? also been eating lots of cilantro, supposed to clean the liver out. 


carybear- you are totally right, the only reason im still here breathing and not in a straight jacket is becuase God is the greatest!! i pray he blesses us all with rainbow babies, and continues to heal us physically and emotionally. =)
:dust::flower:


----------



## Carybear

Amen...


----------



## Carybear

Well everyone.. Tomorrow is the day...


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck.


----------



## kungfubabe

Good luck Carybear

Starry :hugs:

Ilovemyhubby - glad you are starting to feel ready. Praying for a rainbow baby for you

I'm confused by my body. Thought AF was starting last night. Which would have been fine. But this morning - nothing! Must have only lost a thimbleful. :shrug:


----------



## Starry Night

I had really light and spotty periods after my first miscarriage. They lasted 10 days but I only needed to wear liners and even then only changed them once or twice a day. Our bodies can be weird after m/c.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

yes hormones really mess with ya. i have had 2 real periods PP which were way scary heavy, and than the last im not sure if it even counted, it was super light spotting for a week barely there almost more like pink or brown tinged CM... wierd. i think it was a period....? or maybe hormonal break through bleeding. nothing since. im just hopin i get a normalish AF soon so i can start charting again and try this vitex stuff. ive heard it works with your pituitary gland to make it release LH which makes u ovulate and than helps kick ure other hormones into gear. good luck ladies =) hope you have a great day!


----------



## Starry Night

I hope the Vitex works for you! I've had ladies here suggest that to me for years already but I'm so nervous about taking supplements.

Took a hpt today and of course it was bfn. Was expecting it to be at this point as all pregnant feelings are gone. I'm seriously starting to think I ovulated on Monday. It's hard to say as my dh and I had been bd'ing a lot and leftover stuff looks a lot like ewcm but I know it's not as stretchy and I had a lot of very stretchy stuff that day. So I will test again next Friday. I may possibly be 11dpo by then. Ugh...I hate not knowing. I normally know what my body is doing just by paying attention to my signs and stuff.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

do u chart ure BBT? u arent out till AF starts... i hope friday will be your day! \\:D/i have looked around the net about vitex(chasteberry) and its been used for ages in europe and back to old greece i believe, i think generally speaking if u have normal cycles its not a great idea cause it can throw them off, but if u have not so normal cycles like me and or annovulatory cycles than it can really do wonders, there are some people who claim it helps prevent miscarriage as well since it stimulates the pituitary to make hormones more effectively, so if u have low progesterone it can do wonders, but u do have to ween off gradually after 12wks pregnant or so. i am weary of herbs and stuff too, but since it isnt doing anything more than telling your glands to do their job it seems like a better option for me and maybe gentler than drugs like clomid, or that other one that forces u to get ure period...:shrug:. ill let u know how it works once i start it, i am waiting till after AF to start as ive heard that is the best way to start it.:coffee: waiting is no fun.


----------



## RedWylder

Cary? Any news?


----------



## Carybear

Uggghhhhh... Okay... So here's the latest... Let me start by saying that I am so over doctors who would rather hear themselves talk then answer my questions.

So... My glucose test came back great... I need to lose like seventy lbs, but I'm have low blood pressure, low cholesterol, and I am not prediabetic or diabetic... My testosterone is low... Thank you Lord...

According to this dr, I'm ovulating every month because I'm getting a period every month, there is nothing wrong with my lining - it's actually a great thickness, and everything should be working just fine... She wants to do a day 3 test so when I get to cd3 I will get more blood work done...

I asked about the whole... Why is she bleeding every month thing.. And she didnt give me much of an answer. She just told me that my ovaries are very small. She said that they look like ovaries that are on birth control...

So what do I make of all that????


----------



## Carybear

So... Now I don't know where I stand and I want to scream....

Last Friday I had a one day head cold... Snot pouring everywhere.. Like allergies were going crazy... Then on Saturday it was gone... What is that about?

I'm going to start charting/temping this cycle... Just to see...


----------



## ilovemyhubby

aww... im sry, doctors tick me off too =/ sounds like good news all in all tho. you should def try charting, i found it to be super helpful last time we were TTC. I even know i was preggo before i tested becuase of the change in my chart... i cant wait to start up again next cycle to see exactly what my body is doin, even helps to see if ure hormones are balanced depending on temp fluctuations. hope u get some answers soon :dust::hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary have you charted or temped before ? All in all it does sound like good news but does not give you the answers that you want :( what's the next test ?


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Ilove... I'm definitely going to do that. It has always felt a little intimidating, so I haven't really tried it... But here goes..

The next test is just a cd3 blood test to see what my egg reserves look like.

It's in God's hands... But I couldn't help but be a little frustrated...


----------



## Left wonderin

Well any help,ya need with charting or temping we are here not that I'm an expert or anything but would recommend joining fertility friend :)


----------



## RedWylder

Cary that is so frustrating! I honestly feel that some doctors just don't know that much and it sounds like your doc is only giving you half answers. I prefer doctors that want to get to the bottom of things. If I were you, I'd consider a second opinion. I had one doctor look at my progesterone and say that my levels were "normal" but then I had my midwife tell me that while normal, they are on the low side of normal and this can actually be causing my miscarriages. See how interpretation makes a difference? I don't like that your doctor isn't giving you the full picture.


----------



## Starry Night

Sorry, Cary. I hate when doctors give half-answers or just shrug off your questions. At least the test results you did get were encouraging. I hope the next test shows you have good egg reserves.

I'm almost tempted to join you as a newbie in temping and charting. Even if I can just get a better idea on what is going on so I have something to share with the fertility specialists when I get there.


----------



## RedWylder

Temping and charting tells you soooo much about your body and cycles. I would totally do it if I were you! I loved doing it for a while but just know that it can make you crazy and also makes time feel like its passing so slow.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks everyone... AF started today... No warning... No cramping... No spotting beforehand... Just went to the bathroom and there it was!

The good news is that I am back to a 30 day cycle and if I'm back to normal, then I should ovulate right around cycle day 15... The bad news is... Well the witch arrived... I'm at peace with it all...

Starry... Want to be newbie temping buddies???? Lol....


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - sure...I talked with DH about it and he doesn't think it's crazy so I may just try it. :thumbup: I'll have to pick up a basal thermometre when we go into town on Monday as AF should be due sometime next weekend. I would only do it for a few months just to see what my body is up to. Now I have to do oodles of research on how to do it properly because I find it so confusing. :wacko: And I definitely don't want to temp vaginally because no way am I sticking it up there while on AF. Gross. :mrgreen:

But I refuse to do OPKs. Too costly. 

I'm glad you are back to your normal 30 day cycles. That's a plus. Sorry that AF caught you.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

sorry the witch got you cary :nope:....i second left wonderin... fertility friend is your friend. if u guys have any questions or confusion lemme know id be happy to help. i really enjoyed seeing my cycles in a graph. it all made more sense... good luck!:thumbup: cant wait to start the chartin again. praying it is soon, :coffee: tired of waiting for AF......
:dust:


----------



## Starry Night

I was just on Fertility Friend's website and I am so intimidated! I wanted to run for the hills! ha ha And I don't want the whole internet to see my chart. I'd want it just for me.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

you dont have to put ure real name on there... if u dont want anybody to know.. basically i just started a chart and started temping on the first day of my period. u click on the date u want and add ure temp and if u want u can track cm and all kindsa stuff, i just did temps mostly. u can get pretty detailed about it if u want tho. i always just set an alarm for earlier than i could wake up naturally and took my temp (kept the thermometer next to the bed) u wanna do it before getting up or talking or drinking anything cause that will change ure temp... u want to get at least 6 hours of sleep before u temp and take it at about the same time everyday... there are some tutorials on the fertility friend site that might be helpful to look at, it seems a bit daunting at first but after the first couple days it will be no big deal at all. theres also a search on there where u can compare ure chart to other peoples or search for what a pregnant chart looks like or annovulatory or w/e there are lots of options. anyway dunno if that was helpful...:flower:

:dust::dust::dust:


----------



## Starry Night

I'm such a bad sleeper. I often suffer insomnia or one night I can get up 3 times to pee. Well, I'll just have to see what happens.


----------



## kungfubabe

Starry Night said:


> I'm such a bad sleeper. I often suffer insomnia or one night I can get up 3 times to pee. Well, I'll just have to see what happens.

Same. I suffer from a bladder condition, so I always have to get up multiple times to pee. So I could never work out how I would manage temping. Hope you and Cary find it useful, as I know lots of others have.
Sorry the witch got you Cary.


----------



## Starry Night

Had a horrible panic attack today in the middle of church and had to leave. I could hardly breathe and my hands and feet went a purply red. It was scary. It took me awhile to calm down. I am still a little on edge. Normally my panic attacks come across as nausea and feeling ill so I was not expecting this. :(


----------



## Carybear

I'm so sorry Starry... What a scary experience... Sending :hugs:

AFM... I'm not sure im going to temp this month... It's a little late to start as I don't have a thermometer and tomorrow is already cd3... I've also chosen to not go any further with testing...

The woman who announced that she was pregnant with #6 right after I miscarried... And then had him the day after my due date... Brought him to church today... I think she was wondering why I didn't stop by and ooohhhh and awwwww over him... Just couldnt do it today... Then another woman I know couldn't wait to give me pink m&m's to tell me that she was having a girl... Went to a training last week and sat right next to the pregnant girl (didnt know she was pregnant until she moved and I saw her belly...)

Well.... Sigh.... And of course AF was kicking my butt today... Some days...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary I never tested until AF was over so you still have plenty of time. I've found that during AF your body is still readjusting hormones anyways and can give mixed signals. It's not too late! 

Starry I hope you are feeling better. I know that panic attacks can mimic Symptoms of a heart attack and can be quite scary.


----------



## Carybear

That's good to know... I guess I'll get a thermometer today...

Well it appears that AF is back to normal... I had no spotting before the actual flow started, though it did start out light, and I'm on to cd3 and still bleeding... Since the mc by cd3 I was just spotting with only 1 day of real bleeding... And that was more clots than actual flow... I really felt like this month I was going to get back to a 30 day cycle and AF started at exactly 30....

Normal is good....


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I really hope this is all a sign that your body is getting its act together to make a baby! And I'm sorry you're being tested with all those pregnant ladies...especially while on AF. I can sympathize with not pursuing testing. It sounds like it can be really stressful.

afm - feeling mostly better. My IBS has been flaring up though so I have been getting stomach cramps--especially at night. I find my depression and anxiety are often worse when my IBS flares up. My depression is also messing up with my sleep patterns. I slept until 11 this morning. Yuck. I feel disgusting. I used to always get up at 8 and felt like that was sleeping in. Now I struggle to get out of bed at 10. I need to get strict with myself and force myself to return to a normal routine.


----------



## Carybear

Routine is a good thing... I can sleep in for the next two weeks, but was up at 7 today... 

I started bleeding Saturday night... And am still bleeding heavy today...if it is like normal, then I should keep bleeding for another day or two... While I'm not happy about AF.. It is a relief to have things back to normal...


----------



## ilovemyhubby

starry ::hugs: im sorry u r suffering with anxiety and ibs. it is no fun. i have had the same kind of problems too. its been a few months since my last panic attack, but it is so scary. feels like you are dying. i usually get mine at night though and i get ibs cramps really bad at the same time and it feels like contractions and i start flashing back to the birth. i hope u are feeling better. i went to a therapist for a while who specialized in anxiety and post traumatic stress and it helped me out a lot. im also super blessed to be able to be a stay at home wife, so if im feeling an attack coming i can spend all day praying and meditating and it seems to help keep them away. 

we finished our training for our DHS adoption/foster stuff this weekend =) im really excited, really felt God calling us to give our time for these children who want families, and for us to have an outlet for all the motherly/fatherly love we have to give! we are looking to adopt a sibling group of 2 and foster a child under 2yrs for now until we get a bigger house =D i still pray we will be blessed with children from my own womb, but i will love our adopted kids just as much and cant wait to meet them.:happydance:

hope you girls are having a great day!:flower:

:dust::dust::dust:


----------



## Left wonderin

ilovemyhubby said:


> starry ::hugs: im sorry u r suffering with anxiety and ibs. it is no fun. i have had the same kind of problems too. its been a few months since my last panic attack, but it is so scary. feels like you are dying. i usually get mine at night though and i get ibs cramps really bad at the same time and it feels like contractions and i start flashing back to the birth. i hope u are feeling better. i went to a therapist for a while who specialized in anxiety and post traumatic stress and it helped me out a lot. im also super blessed to be able to be a stay at home wife, so if im feeling an attack coming i can spend all day praying and meditating and it seems to help keep them away.
> 
> we finished our training for our DHS adoption/foster stuff this weekend =) im really excited, really felt God calling us to give our time for these children who want families, and for us to have an outlet for all the motherly/fatherly love we have to give! we are looking to adopt a sibling group of 2 and foster a child under 2yrs for now until we get a bigger house =D i still pray we will be blessed with children from my own womb, but i will love our adopted kids just as much and cant wait to meet them.:happydance:
> 
> hope you girls are having a great day!:flower:
> 
> :dust::dust::dust:

Hi just thought I'd share my sisters story with you , after Tcc with unexplained infertility for 12 years they decided to foster a sibling group long term . There were 3 a boy 4 , girl 2 and boy 13 months ......... Fast forward 16 years , they have been adopted and my sister feels that the years of heartaches all led her to meet THESE children :) she did go on to have 4 other children about 5 years after the three joined her family . Her last miricle was a natural conception at 42 !! After 22 years of Tcc !!!!!! Her family now stands at 7 !!!


----------



## ilovemyhubby

LW: aw that is precious!!! im so glad to hear that :thumbup: thank you for sharing! i cant wait to see what God has in store for us. I just know it will be so rewarding and fullfilling. soooo super excited. i know it might be a wait till our home is opened tho, we still have to do a home study, but my husband wants to build their beds himself and so it will give us some time to do that and get ourselves ready to have our family grow :happydance: i just know that since our loss God has really been telling us to go and obey the scripture and do the DHS thing, he has put people in our path, foster parents and grown foster children and caseworkers to share their stories of the beautiful love and healing that comes out of adoption and fostering. i am not gunna stop TTC tho, because i think we are supposed to make some children too, but i think it will help me a lot when im pregnant too, give me something to take the focus off of worrying for the baby(im sure ill still worry some) thanks again for that sweet encouragement!!!!:hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Wow.... Lovemyhubby that is awesome!

Left, what a wonderful story... I am open to adoption, but it just seems so expensive... Ill have to look into what you're doing love....


----------



## Starry Night

iluvmyhubby - I think that is so great that you are pursuing adoption and foster care. There is such a need for good, stable homes with loving parents. It would be wonderful to grow your family this way alongside some naturally.

I would like to adopt some day but it is very expensive. There is public adoption but I'm not sure I'd be open to getting a teenager or a kid with very troubled histories (I've been so sheltered I wouldn't know what to do with it). We'll see how I feel in the future. Right now I don't feel open to fostering because the thought of my child being taken to a new home without warning and without being able to keep in contact would be too hard. I do admire those who do it, though.

Well, I bought a basal thermometre today. AF should arrive this weekend or early next week. I'm curious to see what I will discover.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

thanks! it should be fun. DHS adoption is free, and u get to fill out a paper saying what ages and level of disabilities you are comfortable with. you would obviously probably wait a LOT longer for a baby, but we are looking for under 10yrs, but keeping an open mind to slightly older... with the fostering end, it will be hard to say goodbye, but i feel like its important to have a safe place for kiddos while the parents are getting their lives together. it can also be an awesome oppurtunity to minister to the birth parents and maybe help them find a new life in faith and Gods love. and what a better way to show people Christ's love!!!selflessly loveing and caring for their children and forgiving them and showing them how to be washed clean.... awesome =) i dont think i would want to only foster, but we have enough room for 2 and a child under two yrs, and we have an entire nursery, sitting unused, so what a great way to use it for now. we want a big family and im already almost 30 and after what happened with ligia, i feel like it will releave a lot of the TTC stress. its just not gunna be physically possible for me to birth 5 children at this point in my life, even if i had normal cycles, which i certainly do not. we found this great organization through our church called "the call" and they are a ministry that works with families from the church and we did all our training through them and they help us work with DHS and are there to answer any questions and provide a support system with brothers and sisters who feel called to be a part of something like this. pretty cool stuff. hope you all are doing well =)

starry: happy temping =) i hope it helps you out! cant wait to join ya!


----------



## jssmprime29

This is my first time that I will be trying for TTC. From the past few months me and husband is trying but nothing is happening. I really and tensed and worried what the problem is and whether i will be having a baby or not.


----------



## Topanga053

iluvmyhubby- Hi! :hi: I used to post in this thread a lot and am now just stalking occassionally. Anyway, I was poking around this morning and saw your post about adoption. I just wanted to say that I really, really admire your faith and your attitude! You sound like such a beautiful, lovely person! More people in the world should be as generous and kind hearted as you are! :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Hi Topanga! I miss having you around. I hope all as well as can be in your world.


----------



## Topanga053

Hey Red! I miss you too!! Things are going well with me. I've actually moved over to the PAL boards, but everything is very much one day at a time. (As evidenced by the fact that I still refuse to change my signature, lol.)

How have things been with you???


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga053 said:


> Hey Red! I miss you too!! Things are going well with me. I've actually moved over to the PAL boards, but everything is very much one day at a time. (As evidenced by the fact that I still refuse to change my signature, lol.)
> 
> How have things been with you???

Hey Topanga how are ya girl :) I'm with ya no tickers no signature , one day at a time is the only way to go :flower: well for me anyhow :) great to see ya x


----------



## Left wonderin

Can I . Ask do you have news ;)


----------



## Carybear

Congrats Topanga! We do miss you around here...

Left, how are you feeling these days?

Lovemyhubby, I second Topanga... You are a wonderful addition to this thread...

Starry, how are ya feeling?

Red... How are things going with you?

What's up kungfu?

AFM... I heard about this big meeting they're having about adoption... It is about 60 minutes away from me at a church I used to attend when I lived there... It is for foster kids who are waiting for forever families... I think I'm going to talk to DH about going...

DH and I had a talk the other day... When I got pregnant in November, I had just started these shakes for weightloss... They were really healthy... I stopped them after the mc.. Now, for almost a month I've been drinking veggie/fruit smoothies and my cycle has returned to normal.. (I'm still bleeding on cd4 which is wonderful since they've mostly been 1-3 day cycles with only one day of actual bleeding..) so... What do you think? Do you think it's just random or does it have something to do with it?


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary that's wonderful about your cycle it sounds like things finally are getting back on track for you with AF . The shakes can only be helping :) The adoption meeting sounds exciting and worth checking out . One day I have always said I will foster I come across so many amazing kids every day that need there forever homes or stability in their lives . 

I am 11 weeks today , I still feel exhausted and really sick most of the evening . The gagging also continues !!! Have also started waking twice a night needing to pee .. I'm doing great :)


----------



## ilovemyhubby

thanks guys thats sweet, but i really just feel like im answering his calling for our family. 
im so super blessed with such an awesome supportive husband and he is really excited and i know he is gunna be such a great father figure. he is so sweet with children. 

cary: i wouldnt be surprised at all if the smoothies were helping out a lot. ive been taking lots of vitamins and trying to eat healthy, cause that is what helped me ovulate the month we concieved. i was eating loads of wild rice and spinach and veggie stirffrys, also lots of pumpkin and sunflower and flax seeds and many many nuts. its hard now that we live in the states again to avoid all the delicious junk food that we missed while we were in china, but i really wanna start making veggie smoothies too. what do you put into yours?any great recipes for us? do u use a blender or a juicer? 
that meeting at your church sounds awesome =) i know there is lots of need for people who want to just support foster families by making dinners for them or babysitting, taking kids to doctors appointments and stuff too. 

jssmprime: dont worry if you have just started trying, sometimes it takes some time... i will be praying for you and all of us to get preggo soon!!! maybe we can all be bump buddies!


----------



## Carybear

Great Left! I'm so glad you're tummy is feeling sick!  where else can you say that and have it be a good thing  happy 11 weeks

Lovemyhubby.... I use a ninja... I've heard you shouldn't combine fruits and veggies but I do... I use a large whole carrot, a large handful of spinach, one kale leaf, one banana, a handful of mixed dole frozen fruit (peaches, mango, pineapple, and strawberries) and a handful of blueberries... I use the simply orange - orange/mango juice and a little almond milk for he liquid. Then I mix it all up... There is no added sugar in the milk or juice... Just a bunch of natural sugar from the fruit.... I like it a lot! And I'm finally back on track....

The meeting at the church is just an informational type meeting so I'm hoping DH might want to go... I guess we will see


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I think watching what you eat would certainly help with your cycles...especially if you have PCOS. I have heard that good diets and exercise control all the symptoms of that (weight gain, excess hair, etc) as well as fertility issues. I think avoiding the really processed stuff is another factor (which is sooo hard!)

Topanga - Hi there!! :wave: Good to see you again. I thought I saw you in the PaL and it just made me sooo happy. Have been crossing my fingers for you ever since!

afm - just truckin' along. I made myself wake up "early" this morning at 8:30. It was so hard. Yeesh. ](*,)](*,):roll: I hope my body gets used to the more reasonable routine soon.

It's funny, but now that I'm pretty much for sure in the TWW I'm not feeling pregnant at all. Nor am I getting AF signs. My whole cycle has been going back and forth between AF feelings and pregnancy symptoms. It still wouldn't shock me if I hadn't ovulated at all. First cycle jitters and all that. Trying to focus my anticipation on our trip coming up in a month. Also, just over a week until I FINALLY see the OB.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

NICE! i have a ninja too!!! they are great! that sounds yummy, im gunna have to get some good smoothie stuff in the next couple days and get going with it. i like that you use almond milk too(im lactose intolerant) thanks for inspiring me!:hugs:
oh i stumbled on this thread i made a long time ago in the TTC forum called "eating your way to baby" where posted some recipes with fertility superfoods and liver clearing stuff to help with my hormone stuff.when we lived in china we learned a lot about chinese medicine and they really focus on liver cleansing which can be super helpful for fertility. it is kinda funny,i bumped it, shamelessly, lol, but there is an awesome recipe for fertility granola i made that i forgot about and im gunna make some of that tomorrow if i can find some good honey... mmmm homemade granola is yum...
hope you get to go to your meeting, let me know how it goes :thumbup:

starry: when i got pregnant with ligia, i didnt feel pregnant at all, not till maybe week 10 even... so theres still hope, im praying for ya girlie! where are you going on your trip?

:flower:


----------



## Starry Night

We're going to the Mall of America. It will be a nice getaway for just the two of us.

I am starting to think I will put off testing until Saturday. We're going for lunch with someone on Friday and even though I am expecting a bfn I will probably still be all mopey. And being 12dpo would give me an even more accurate result. I'm not sure yet. It all depends on my patience. ha ha


----------



## ilovemyhubby

:yipee: isnt there a rollar coaster in that mall?!!! that should be fun! so much shopping!!! im so ready for a getaway, there is a town near us that has hot springs and they built bathhouses that you can go sit in the hot tubs of mineral water and im hopin i can talk my hubby into taking a day off so we can have a date day there, he has been working too much lately :sad1:

if u can wait that long to test u r stronger than me! 
i can be a bit of a POAS addict....:blush:


----------



## Topanga053

Thanks everyone! I've really missed all of you too. Even though I don't post on the boards as often as I used to, I think about you guys all the time. It's amazing how the women here become like a family.

Cary- those shakes sounds delicious!! I have some that I make w/out veggies. It's fresh fruit, oatmeal, fruit juice, yogurt, and milk and they're so yummy! Hopefully those shakes continue to help your cycles regulate and lead to another BFP!! :happydance: 



Starry Night said:


> It's funny, but now that I'm pretty much for sure in the TWW I'm not feeling pregnant at all. Nor am I getting AF signs. My whole cycle has been going back and forth between AF feelings and pregnancy symptoms. It still wouldn't shock me if I hadn't ovulated at all. First cycle jitters and all that. Trying to focus my anticipation on our trip coming up in a month. Also, just over a week until I FINALLY see the OB.

I hate how our bodies trick us. I complain to DH all the time that we should just KNOW when we're pregnant. There should be like a little alarm that goes off! :haha: When I got pregnant with my MC, I was driving in to work the first day of my period (I had gotten a BFN a couple of days earlier) and suddenly just *knew* that I was pregnant. I took a test to confirm it, but there wasn't a doubt in my mind that I was pregnant, even though I'd never been pregnant before and didn't know what it was supposed to feel like. When we were TTC after the MC, I kept expecting to feel that way again. And a couple of cycles I was CONVINCED that I was pregnant because I had symptoms, but I wasn't. The cycle I got this newest BFP, I had NO symptoms and frankly was convinced that I wasn't pregnant. I really only took the test because I was going to work the day AF was supposed to come and I knew that I would cry if AF showed at work, so I took a test before work so I could cry at home. I got the FAINTEST line and all I did was stare at it for like 10 minutes. I kept telling DH, "I think there's a line. But that's not possible. That's not a line, is it?" I made him take me to the store to get a digital because I didn't believe it. That was the only cycle where I had absolutely NO symptoms and was entirely convinced that it was gonig to be a BFN. 

I don't trust my body at all anymore!! Loads of symptoms and BFNs, then no symptoms and a BFP. It's so frigging ridiculous!! We should be able to predict this stuff! It would make the hell of TTCAL after a loss SOOO much easier if there wasn't all of that guess work.


----------



## RedWylder

So how far along are you Topanga? I hope this is your rainbow!


----------



## Topanga053

I'm 12+1 today. So far everything has been great, but it's definitely still one day at a time. Thanks so much for the well wishes! ...I really hope I'm not triggering anyone here by talking about it. So sorry if I am. :nope:

How are things going with you, Red??


----------



## ilovemyhubby

:flower:i for one am super happy for ya topanga! im praying for a happy and healthy 9months and a beautiful birth for you too![-o&lt;


----------



## Carybear

Topanga... I never get tired of hearing happy news... I'm praying that this is a sticky bean for ya! The shakes are surprisingly tasty.. If you can get past the look of them 

I feel surprisingly positive about this month. I've been reading that no cramps, no spotting, a no clots are a really good thing. This AF (which is still going on cd5  has been the easiest period I've had in a long time.... I've had a few clots, but nothing like I usually have.

Starry, I would really like to see that mall someday...


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary this sounds like a really different cycle for you physically . Something has definitely changed and shifted :happydance: I'm so happy for you and here is praying that things keep going I the right direction :)


----------



## Carybear

Yeah... It is different... Last October (the month before my BFP) I had a similar period... But not as easy as this one... So... FX'd that this is the month... Whether or not it is, I do feel healthy


----------



## ilovemyhubby

cary: that is great! this might be your month! maybe your easy cycles will rub off on me too! i gutta start the smoothie thing again :D
:dust:


----------



## Starry Night

We could all crack down on healthier eating and maybe we'll all get healthier cycles!

Cary - I am looking forward to seeing that mall. I have never been though I heard the one in Edmonton is better. But the one in the States is an 8 hour drive versus a day's drive so to the States we shall go. I'm not sure what I want to do the most. I wanted to do the Aquarium but we heard from friends that it is definitely kiddie-oriented. So we'll see. Maybe we'll mini-put. We went mini-putting several times during our honeymoon in Florida. It's fun. :)

Ugh. My cousin just announced on FB that she's pregnant complete with photo of the positive pregnancy test. Both her kids are a bit older (the youngest is 6 or 7) so was not expecting this announcement from that quarter. Just one more person to hide from my newsfeed. I wish positive pregnancy tests automatically meant a baby for me. Ho hum.

Anyways, feel like the end of my cycle must be coming up whether it ends in pregnancy or AF. Was picking raspberries and it hurt to bend over because it felt like there was a rock or balloon in my lower abdomen and I've been achey down there too.


----------



## Carybear

Hmmmm.... Praying for a positive for you Starry...


----------



## ilovemyhubby

praying for you too starry!!!i hope this is it for you!!! 

im definately down with the healthy eating thing too! i had 2 bananas today! and a bag of peanut butter m&ms (counts as protein right??:blush:)


----------



## Starry Night

I'm trying to not get my hopes up but I appreciate all the good thoughts. I can see the silver lining of not getting pregnant. If I am pregnant I will have to cancel my trip. I just can't risk miscarrying while 'abroad'. We don't have extra insurance and our universal health care won't cover care in the States.


----------



## Left wonderin

All this talk of shakes is so making me want one . Rasberry and Banana one to be exact !!!!


----------



## Carybear

Good morning everyone... i found some interesting facts and thought i would share...

Spinach Leaf - Spinach is an excellent source of vitamin K, vitamin A, manganese, folate, magnesium, iron, vitamin C, vitamin B2, calcium, potassium, and vitamin B6. It is a very good source of dietary fiber, copper, protein, phosphorus, zinc and vitamin E. In addition, it is a good source of omega-3 fatty acids, niacin and selenium. Spinach is a super-food that provides the body with an enormous amount of healthy vitamins and nutrients that are important for fertility and pregnancy. Spinach is rich in iron and folic acid, two nutrients which are important to reproduction and fetal health. Folic acid is important in preventing neural tube defects in the fetus, and iron helps to promote oxygen levels in cells, organs and the fetus


Kale is a member of the cruciferous family and is one of the leaders when it comes to nutritious veggies. It is packed with antioxidants and a mega-load of vitamins and nutrients. Kale is a phytonutrient which is known to promote health by enhancing the immune system, repairing damage to and protecting cells, and removing harmful products from the body, and reducing inflammation. This makes kale a real champ when providing a healthy diet for fertility, especially for those with PCOS or endometriosis.

It is best when purchased organically. Look for bunches that have dark, small to medium leaves on them. Peel the leaves from the spine/stalk. Soak and rinse thoroughly before preparing.

Kale is chocked full of Vitamin A, and is also one of the best plant-based sources of calcium, which is terrific if you&#8217;re lactose intolerant because calcium plays a role in egg maturation and follicular development.

These are two main ingredients in the shakes I drink each day... Of course, these come from Dr. Google... So take it for what it s worth....


----------



## Starry Night

Being getting loads of one-sided pinching today. Almost feels like ov pains. I am so done with the wacky signals my body is giving me this cycle. :dohh:

I picked raspberries yesterday so plan to do some baking today. I know we're all talking healthy right now but there is no way I can eat through two buckets of plain raspberries before they go bad. Making some muffins and a pie. The rest I can mix in with my cereal. Or make waffles. Yum. I am planning on sharing the pie with company so that's not too bad. :winkwink:


----------



## Topanga053

Carybear said:


> Yeah... It is different... Last October (the month before my BFP) I had a similar period... But not as easy as this one... So... FX'd that this is the month... Whether or not it is, I do feel healthy

Fingers crossed, Cary!!!! :flower:


----------



## Carybear

Lol Starry... I may be doing the shakes, but I still had a bite of an almond delight  chocolate, almonds, caramel, and sugar...

The last couple of months I've had pinching pulling pains on my right side and from my belly button to groin... I guess it was nothing... Our bodies really do give us a lot of mixed signals...

Picking raspberries sounds like fun! Blueberries are my favorite berry! I can eat them like candy!


----------



## Starry Night

Picking raspberries was fun but more for the visiting with my friend as DS had run of the farm and I had to keep rescuing him from himself. Man, I had no idea 2 year olds could run that fast! I'd turn my back and a moment later he was halfway across the farm. I ran so many sprints that I might of well have run a marathon. I'm still exhausted and achey. LOL

My baked treats turned out great and I still have a bucket left to use for more healthy purposes. I love blueberries too but nowhere to pick them around here.


----------



## Carybear

Guess he gave you some excercise . Glad you had a good time...


----------



## ilovemyhubby

dont feel bad starry i made a cinnamin crumble coffee cake the other night, and barely shared it with hubby lol, at least your rasberrys have antioxidents!!!! i think the seeds might even count as fiber if u wanna stretch it a bit haha

cary: great info! i never knew kale was so awesome! ive heard about people baking them into chips and flavoring them with spices and olive oil... im due for a trip to the veggie isle in the next couple days...

hope all you ladies are doin well!!!


----------



## kungfubabe

Hey, good to see everyone doing ok. I have barely had time to look at the boards lately. Covering about 3 peoples workloads at the office atm, then getting home and preparing for the house move in 2 weeks. Wish I could just stay in bed for a while :sleep:

Pretty sure I had ov pains on Tuesday. But as I haven't had AF since the mc, just some spotting, I really don't know what my body is doing :shrug:

On the subject of healthy food, one of my favourite meals atm is stuffed roasted pepper. Probably not so good I have it with garlic bread... :pizza:


----------



## Starry Night

Got a bfn this morning. Am a little disappointed, of course, but not surprised. Still not exactly sure what my body is doing but AF *should* be due tomorrow.


----------



## Carybear

So sorry starry... So many times I've wished I could see inside my body to figure out what was going on... Sending :hugs:

Kungfu... I hope your body gets back to normal quickly...

AFM... AF is over and I had six day cycle! :happydance:

I actually had a little ewcm mixed in with the blood at the end... Now on to o and then to the tww.. Good news is that the tww will be duing the first two weeks of back to school... While I'm not ready to go back - someday I hope to be a stay at home wife and mom.... It will make the wait easier


----------



## Starry Night

I'm doing OK. I still keep staring at the test and hoping to see another line appear but I'm just neurotic. LOL I'm going to give AF a few days more to show up before testing again. I might even wait until the morning of my OB appointment. I would like to know one way or the other before then.

This morning my cervix was soft, high, open and wet which is generally an ov sign but the cm is more creamy than like the egg-whites so I do think this is just an off-kilter cycle. AF could show at any moment or still be weeks away at this point. I haven't had a crazy long cycle since before I conceived my son but it used to happen frequently. Some years I only had 3 or 4 periods. I hope I'm not going back to that.


----------



## ilovemyhubby

sorry starry:( hoping for healthy cycles and a bfp next month for you

kungfu: that was the first thing my husband ever cooked for me, yum yum yum. im gunna have to have him make that again soon... sounds delish. =)


----------



## Starry Night

When my DH cooks I get nachos, hot dogs or frozen pizza! Though he is getting pretty good at barbecuing. On one of our first dates he called to say he was coming over to cook me dinner. I thought it was so romantic and then he came and made nachos. And it was plain ground beef over chips. I guess the thought was romantic. ha ha

Still no AF but I'm not expecting her to show on time. I'm not getting overpowering AF signs nor preggo signs. I'm getting a little bit of each! Not sure how to interpret that!


----------



## ilovemyhubby

hahahahahaha starry that is awesome! it is romantic for sure, super cute... plus who doesnt love nachos!!!! 
my hubby loves to cook.. and he is really good at it too. but he works a lot and i stay home so ive been cooking most of the time.. mastering the art of the crockpot, cause i dont love cooking like he does...

its so hard to tell the difference between signs of impending AF and pregnancy. =/ your not out yet tho!
hope you are having a good day! :dust:


----------



## Carybear

All this talk of food is making me hungry...

How is everyone today?

Had a rough weekend. Saturday night I went to visit DH family. The last time we all got together we ad just told everyone we were pregnant. Had a little crying spell thinking about the fact that we should have been taking a two week old baby with us.

Then at church yesterday they introduced the baby - the one whose parents announced thier pregnancy like 3 days after we mc.... I just couldn't stop crying... Then had to go right into taking care of kids...


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs::hugs: I'm sorry you had such a rough weekend. Someday it will be you introducing your baby to your church, I have faith! :hugs:

afm - still no sign of AF. Boobs have gotten big (again) and have dark blue veins running through them including the nipples. Got a butt cramp last night deep in the muscle. With all of these signs that keep leading to bfns I sometimes worry that I am getting a false pregnancy. I know that is a deep psychological disorder so I shouldn't worry but sometimes I can't help it. :blush: Will try to wait until Thursday to test but I'll probably end up testing Wednesday. I really want to give AF a chance to show.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks starry... I believe that it will be my turn... Just hard during the waiting... Until then I will just keep dreaming...

I hear ya on the waiting to test... Didn't you say before that a butt cramp was a great sign for you? FX'd that it really is something...


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I hope this is not false symptoms again!!


----------



## Starry Night

I hope so too. Still debating if I should test tomorrow or wait a few more days. DH is really pushing for me to wait. Right now I feel desperate to know more than I am desperate to be pregnant. I'm mostly curious at this point. With my OB appointment just days away I feel like not being pregnant isn't so devastating because I can finally get the testing stuff underway (hopefully the wait for the fertility clinic isn't too long).


----------



## Carybear

Starry.. I hope you get a BFP or some answers..:hugs:

I found this article and thought it was interesting... 

https://voices.yahoo.com/top-5-foods-boost-fertility-11118282.html?cat=5

I didn't realize until I read it, but I've picked up the smoothies, eating mor fish - I've never liked fish, and eating nuts... Just stuff I've started doing without realizing that it could help


----------



## Starry Night

I caved and took a test this morning and it was negative. I will just have to sit and wait for a bit. See what the OB says. I will say that I am sick of the shadow lines that FRER have been giving me. As the test starts to work I will see a line start to show up and I have a few excited seconds but as soon as the control line shows up the other line disappears forever. It's annoying. This has been happening for weeks so I know it's not the start of a bfp.


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh I'm sorry Starry :( here is looking forward to your ob appointment and moving a step closer to your rainbow :) 

Garfie I know the results you got showed nothing of concern so have you been given the green light ?


----------



## Carybear

So sorry Starry....

Ill be praying you get some answers at your appointment


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. I think I'm simply having a long cycle. I conceived DS on a 70 day cycle so I'm not out until AF shows. But to save $$$ on tests I think I'm going to test once a week. Maybe I'll test on the weekend. We'll see.


----------



## Carybear

I think that is smart... I could probably go on an awesome vacation for what I have spent over the last three years.

I had o pains on the left side yesterday... I also had the beginnings of ewcm... We are bding every other night through this week and next....


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck, Cary!!

Had bit of an emotional breakdown last night but this morning I feel much fresher. I don't feel like I'm pregnant and I don't feel like AF is coming. Basically, not feeling hormonal. It is so nice to feel human even if it is just for a day. AF can come whenever she wants at this point.


----------



## Starry Night

I see the OB today so I hope testing can get underway soon. I was on the fertility clinic's website and they say they want all the basic tests to be done by the doctor or OB beforehand...including a basic semen analysis on hubby. The website also claims a 3 to 6 month wait which isn't too bad especially since my doctor told me a year.

I'm even hoping I don't have to get to the fertility clinic stage. I don't know how much of that the health care will cover. It would be nice if something simple was found in the basic tests.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry good luck with the appointment I didn't realise it was this week :) let us know how you get on


----------



## Starry Night

I won't be able to update right away because it's in the city so we're going to make a day of it. should be fun. :)


----------



## Carybear

Hope things went good a starry... And that you had a relaxing day!


----------



## Starry Night

The appointment was brief but I think I really like this OB! She wasn't warm and sunshiny, but she seemed kind and professional. We went over my history and then she gave me the requisitions to get some testing done. 15 minutes later DH and I were in the lab next door and we were getting our genetic screening done. I also had to take a glucose test so more flat orange pop for me! Today it didn't go down as well as I had remembered. But I had to chase DS around the waiting room while trying to get it down (DH was getting his testing done). I also got tested for inflammatory disorders or was it anti-inflammatory? I don't recall. I also was tested for resistance to the rubella vaccine.

The OB said she didn't want to test for clotting disorders as I was tested for those when pregnant with DS and they came back negative. She said if I had another m/c (yippee) then I should call her straight away so we could test for them then.

So, it sort of sucks that I'm not getting the full line of testing but she did tell me that she thinks I have as good a chance as any to carry another pregnancy to term and that we could continue with TTC. That's what I wanted to hear.


----------



## Carybear

Great news Starry... Will you be referred to a fertility clinic? 

After seeing the re... DH and I opted for not going any further with testing. Everything would have to come out of our pocket and that is not an option right now


----------



## Starry Night

No, I'm not getting referred. Right now it looks like this is all the testing I'm going to get unless I have another m/c and even then she said she would be doing the testing. I'm OK with that as then it would be covered by our health care. I can't afford private care anyways.


----------



## Carybear

I understand that...

My ewcm changed to a atretchy lotiony cm after two days... It's like I had a completely normal cycle. After AF I had nothing, then I had some lotiony cm, then it got clearer and stretchy, then watery and stretchy, tans now it is a little stretchy but has lotiony qualities. 

We are bding every other night through next week just o make sure, but I'm thinking I ovulated Wednesday night or Thursday. I had twinges Monday and Tuesday on my left side and tinges on my right side on Wednesday. I got the watery cm Wednesday night so even though we bd on Tuesday we also went for it Wednesday. I'm feeling really positive this month and I'm really liking these smoothies...


----------



## Carybear

I've also noticed that one of the cellulite that I've had on my legs since I had to take steroids when I was 16 have gone down.... And the varicose veins on my legs are getting better!!! Yeah!


----------



## Starry Night

Wow, Cary! That is so great that these shakes are really helping with your cycles. Sounds like you are finding the right foods for you. I hope this brings you your rainbow baby this cycle! Good luck!


----------



## ilovemyhubby

starry: so glad to hear the good news, and glad you like the new doctor =) long cycles are super frustrating. i cant even tell u how late i am this time.... really late. feels like ill never bleed again... hope we both get some AF dust soon buddy...

cary: that is awesome girlie!!! so glad the smoothies are working so well. i keep forgetting to get the stuff to make them when i go shopping =/ i did buy some really nice looking asparagus and broccoli tho... and my granola is almost gone...

hope you girls are doing great, and having an awesome weekend so far!!


----------



## RedWylder

F*&#!!! I just got a very light line on my internet cheapie test. I'm super terrified. This used to be fun. :/


----------



## Starry Night

Red - :hugs: I really hope this is the start of your new bfp! I understand that it isn't fun anymore. Take it one day at a time. Anything more would be too daunting. And we're always here no matter what. :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks Starry. I called my midwife and she wants me to get quantitative betas done tomorrow to confirm or deny so tomorrow I will know. If I am pregnant she is putting me on progesterone immediately due to my history and the fact that while my post ovulating progesterone levels were normal, they were on the low side of normal and could be responsible for my early loss last time.


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck. I'll be thinking of you.


----------



## Carybear

:hugs: Red.... I'm thinking about you... I pray this is the start of your beautiful rainbow....

I've heard so many people talk about how progesterone saved their lo.... FX'd or ya...


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks Cary. I tested 3 more times this morning and all had lines so as far as I can tell, I am indeed pregnant. Right now I have no symptoms so I don't know. I sort of feel like this is going to be another chemical but only time will tell.


----------



## Starry Night

Try not to let your mind go there until you have to, Red. 

afm - I had a dumb moment and took another pregnancy test today even though I was not going to. Negative, of course. So now I wait until next Saturday to test again. At this point I just want AF to show so I can get on with things.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I know how you feel. I've been testing periodically for the past few weeks and a lot of them were just on a whim because I was feeling dumb. Actually last night was one of those times and I really didn't expect to see anything.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red ( am I allowed a little smile for you ? ) I completly understand your worry and anxiousness I'm still there myself !!!! Best advise I can give is take it one day at a time and don't look too far ahead . Set small goals like tommrow and getting betas then after that another small one :) I have everything crossed xxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Of course you can smile a little for me. After all it is a small success and that's something to be happy about. One day at a time is my motto right now.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Of course you can smile a little for me. After all it is a small success and that's something to be happy about. One day at a time is my motto right now.

Ok only a little one mind :winkwink: ya can borrow my mantra I have 
Today I am pregnant and I'm ok . Have not thought beyond that and won't for quite sometime :) Xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

I have to admit that I am starting to panic a little that I'm now on CD48 with no AF and bfn. I am starting to imagine the worst things like that the d&c "ruined" me, that I'm never going to ovulate again or even get a period again. I'm trying to calm myself down that my body needs some time to heal and whatnot but I really do hate that I can't be a normal person with 28 day cycles where 31 days is "late". I'm on CD48!! And I haven't even had any distinctive ov signs. I had some painful, one-sided pinching last Thursday so right now I'm hoping against hope that was it so I know I can expect AF sometime next week. 

I'm so sick of this drama. *sighs*


----------



## RedWylder

Today I'm pregnant and I'm ok. Day one.

Starry I'm sure all is well. You said you've had long cycles in the past. If you're worried call your doc but I really think they'll just tell you to wait it out.


----------



## Left wonderin

That's the spirit :) any time you feel yourself panicking about the future and what may happen , just go back to that thought " TODAY Im pregnant and I'm ok " it's hard but that way you only worry about today . I read another post on another thread yesterday from a lady who just got her BFP after a late mc . I really admired her attitude , what she said was 
She was of course terrified and delighted too but has decided to think of it this way 

" if the weather forecast said there was an 85% chance of a beautiful summers days , what would she do ? Plan the next day to huddle inside with the fire lighting expecting the heavens to open , umbrellas at the ready ? Nope she would plan a BBQ invite family and friends and celabrate the fantastic day ahead !! Chances are the rain won't come with those odds and if it does the umbrella will come out then and only then !!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

It was close to that but much more eloquently written !!


----------



## Carybear

Congrats again Red... Taking it one day at a time is the best advice... 

Starry... I'm so sorry things are dragging out... But if your son was conceived on a 70 day cycle, then maybe this is a good sign. Limbo sucks, I know... I've been there... The hardest thing for me is seeing bfn... Every month... Over and over again... But, it is easier than more miscarriages... My heart goes out to you ladies! You are much stronger than you think... There is something to be said for PMA... So, be positive... Take charge... If there is one thing that you think will help, go to the dr and ask for it...

I'm trying to be proactive... Hoping that it helps things a long....

Good night wonderful ladies... May God bless you with the fulfillment of your deepest wishes and desires...


----------



## RedWylder

Left that was well said. I've chanted your motto to myself several times today and you know what it did help take the edge off my panic. As long as I don't try and think about the future I do ok.

Cary, you are so sweet and supportive and I hope you get good news soon. I've definitely had my times when I couldn't support ya'll the way I wanted to because I was coping with too much but you never waver, Cary; and it's awesome. Stay strong. You'll get your BfP soon.


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I echo Red. You're so sweet to be so constant in your support of everyone here when you have had so many cares of your own to carry. You have a tender soul. I hope God gives you your rainbow soon.

afm - I know I need to give my body a chance. My getting testing sooner than I thought I would has calmed me down a lot. I guess my mind likes to find new things to worry about. :blush: I'm in no rush to force a period but I also hate having to carry a stash of tampons and pads with me everywhere I go "just in case".


----------



## rayraykay

I really hope this is the start of your rainbow red. I love the motto "today I'm pregnant & I'm okay." I have one I chant to myself too and it has eased my fears at my most anxious of times. Positive self talk really does so wonders. Sending you and your little one love.

Starry- I also conceived this baby on a long cycle. It felt like foreeeever and I also had the same thoughts about the D&C ruining my system. Idk if this is helpful at all but you are not ruined. Your body is preparing itself to carry a beautiful rainbow to term. It will happen, I believe it.

Cary- you really are the sweetest and most supportive woman. I have total faith you'll be a mother and a completely fantastic one at that. 

Left- sending you and baby love always!


----------



## RedWylder

Today I'm pregnant and sort of ok. I'm trying not to read too much into my tests. They just don't seem to be getting darker. I should stop testing but I've got so many of these little buggers.

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo13_zps31af0d2a.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

They look like they're getting darker to me. And in the beginning the increases in hcg are still minimal enough that the discernible difference in line colour would be negligible and could even depend on factors such as how much you drank the night before. And it can take 2 to 3 days to double. Take a few days off from testing and rely more on what the blood results show. But I do get the obsessing and worrying.

afm - we sand a chorus in church today that I never heard before but had me in tears.

The Lord love me, the Lord Loves me
Oh what a wonder I see
A rainbow is looking in on me
The Lord loves me.

I felt like a little message of encouragement and hope. Just before I became pregnant with DS I had been out on a walk when I saw a rainbow and at my feet was a baby bottle lying at the side of the road. That gave me hope too.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starrybthat is a lovely verse , isn't it amazing how things sometimes just speak to Us :) 

Red they definitely look darker today's being the darkest ! I'd stop for 48 hours and see the progression then . I've my scan tommrow and very scared !


----------



## Carybear

Thanks ladies... :blush:

Starry... That verse is beautiful... What doesn't kill us makes us stronger... We have the privilege of being a group of really strong women...

Red- those lines look darker to me... Today you are pregnant and you are doing great! Stay strong for that rainbow...

Rayray- today you are pregnant with you're beautiful little girl... That's fantastic...

Left - today you are pregnant and tomorrow you will have a fantastic scan! Can't wait to hear all about it!

Lovemyhubby - you have a wonderful attitude... Can't wait TO hear about when you get your BFP...

If I missed anyone, know that you are blessed!

We my not know each other outside of here, but I feel blessed to know you on B and B.... 

AFM - Some days I feel super strong and other days not so much...you ladies make it very easy to be supportive... I prayed for you all today... Left, for continued good news... Red, that this is your rainbow and you'll go full term...starry, that the next pregnancy you have will be a sister for your little guy... For those who are pregnant that you would deliver beautiful rainbows... For those who are hoping that your tests come back positive...

I was teaching the kiddos today and one of the little girls wanted her momma... I was holding her - she just turned two- and I thought... Gosh.. I want to dbe a mom... I know it will happen in Gods time... But I made a decision today... When I get pregnant (and I will get pregnant) I'm so going to be positive... I'm going to look each day with a smile and thank God for my baby...


:hugs::hugs: to you all...


----------



## Left wonderin

Thanks Cary you are just such a lovely person xxxxxx the people who have you in their "real" lives are very blessed xxxx one day you will be a mum and a fantastic one at that xx


----------



## rayraykay

Seriously Cary you are a wonderful woman. So supportive and positive. We are lucky to know you.


----------



## RedWylder

Cary thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. I'm not personally a church goer and it means a lot that someone is looking out for me. 

My tests today are definitely darker so that's a small relief. I felt icky all day yesterday so I really hope that means good things. But one day at a time.

Left how was your scan?


----------



## Starry Night

Red - those are definitely hopeful signs.

Left - thinking of you today! Can't wait to hear about your scan.

afm - think the :witch: is finally here. I am having some spotting today which is how my AF normally starts. Today is CD50 and I have had one or two 50 day cycles since DS was born so I feel like this is somewhat in pattern. I also think my body needed one more period before being ready to truly TTC. With all my mixed signals I think things were just too mixed up. And at least I now know I won't have AF on vacation nor will I have to cancel (which I would if I got bfp).


----------



## RedWylder

Starry Im glad you're getting some closure to this cycle finally. Limbo...yea we all know how that feels and none of us like it. Sorry you've been in it so long.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hello ladies :) well the Scan went well today thank GOD xx my LO didn't quite co- operate with the photo shoot and kept wiggling !! So no great scan photos I'm afraid ! On the flip side I've been catapulted into the second tri !! Went into the hospital 12+5 and came out 14 weeks tommrow !! After 3 obgyns consulted and had look at my wriggling baby on the u/s they agreed that baby was measuring 7 days ahead so confirmed a change of my due date from the 21st to the 15 th of February putting me at 14 weeks tommrow ! Which means in six weeks on the 30th of September ill find out if I'm team blue or pink ;) it seems so soon !! But still one day at a time ..... Long way to go to get to the finish line but today I'm celebrating :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Sorry also ment to say the dates were changed as the measuring ahead was consistant with the early scans at 8 weeks . I still not sure what happened as I charted, tempt and was using Opk !!!!! I was almost 100% certain but baby and Mother Nature had other ideas !!!!


----------



## RedWylder

It's possible that you LO is just growing fast. :) I. Trust the temperatures and opks if they all lined up. Doctors estimates are just averages. But it doesn't matter... You're in your second trimester!


----------



## Carybear

Yeah left! 

Red, glad for the yucky signs... Sounds so weird to say that.....

Starry, I'm so glad you're getting closure! I hate limbo!

Rayray how are ou feeling?

AFM... Today was my first day back to work... Kids and parents will come friday night to meet the teachers and school for kids starts next Tuesday... Long dys of working to get everything ready and meetings, meetings and more meetings!


----------



## Starry Night

Left - :happydance::happydance: Congrats on the terrific scan and for entering second tri!

Cary - school starts in August? Some schools start at the end of August up here due to the number of snow days they will be having over the winter otherwise most start the day after Labour Day. Does summer break start earlier? (ours starts end of June)


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary enjoy your first day back to school :) it is early !!!


----------



## rayraykay

Good luck today Cary! The first day of school as a student especially when I was younger was always so fun. Let us know how it goes!

Starry I am so happy your period seems to have arrived. It seems to me like your body was definitely just rebooting itself..bodies have a funny way of telling us what they need even if it's the opposite of what we want haha. I hope it's an easy period and you can start on your road to TTC. 

How are you Red?

Left! YAY!!! Congratulations!!!!!!! I am so so incredibly happy for you. That's totally amazing. Welcome to the second trimester, I am so happy for you. Have you decided if you're going to find out if it's a boy or girl? Do you have any feelings either way?

AFM, thank you for asking Cary. I am doing well. Have some pretty bad headaches... but other than that things are going well.


----------



## Starry Night

Long cycles make me forget how much I hate my period. It is so crazy heavy. I could live in the bathroom. *sighs*

I am really hoping this will be my lucky cycle. I usually concieve after 5 months ttc and last time it was really only 4 1/2 months after the previous m/c and AF had come 8 weeks after the loss so really only 2ish months of active TTC. End of September is when I can test and it will be the 4 month mark. I just have to hope my body gives me the proper signals. 

I forgot to temp this morning but the packet that came with the thermometre said it wasn't necessary to test during aF. I do want to start tomorrow though. With it being my first cycle temping I don't think it will be very useful in ttc this month.


----------



## RedWylder

I'm hanging in there by a thread. I swear this pregnancy is making me go nuts. I got the results of my 2nd beta back and it was 92. For roughly 14dpo I think this is not too bad. It's better than my 97 at 19dpo that I had last time. 

Starry- your periods sound awful. I've never had a really heavy period quite like you describe.

Cary- Im at school today too. Boo. Thankfully no kids yet.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - that does sound like a good number for 14dpo. You only need a 6 to be considered pregnant.

afm - I have had heavy periods since my first one at the age of 12. I didn't start wearing tampons until my mid 20s. I honestly don't know how I managed...well...I guess I didn't. I had many leaks at school especially as my mom wouldn't believe me in how heavy my periods were and would only buy the little short ones. It wasn't until I blew a history exam in grade 11 (bleeding everywhere is distracting especially when you're trying to hide it from the guys in your class) and had to borrow a friend's sweater to tie around my waist the rest of the day that she finally accepted I needed the heavy-duty ones. I guess she didn't notice I got up every night to bleach my blankets. :blush:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry heavy periods sound awful , I've never suffered with them myself .
Red those numbers are looking good , Today you are most definitely pregnant and all is ok:happydance::happydance:


----------



## Starry Night

I keep reminding myself it is only like this for 2, maybe 3 days. Then it's more like a normal person and I can at least function like a normal person. So today was the first of the bad days. I feel like a water balloon about to burst. LOL Sorry, that was gross image. I am whining way too much. It's like the princess and the pea.

I do find that the start of AF clears out all the hormones that are responsible for the "boo hoo" sort of feelings and the crazy despondency and lack of hope that I feel. I am looking forward to the new chance to make my rainbow.


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone.. 

Those numbers sound good red... Are you going back in two days?

Sorry about the heavy AF starry... Definitely sucks....

Rayray sorry about the headaches... I can't believe your 22 weeks.... It's going so fast!

How are ya feeling Left? I'm so happy that your scan was good! Congrats on measuring ahead... 

Afm... I'm pretty sure i ovulated super early this month... Like around cd12... I had ewcm and pinching pain around then... Then it just dried completely up. Yesterday I started feeling a little wet down there... AF is not due for another 12 days

I'm back to work... No kids until next Tuesday though... Meet the teacher is this Friday.. Now it's just getting my room ready, lesson plans, and a ton of meetings...

Are you a teacher Red?


----------



## RedWylder

Yes! High School :)


----------



## Carybear

God bless you Red! I did one semester in middle school... Then right back to elementary! I teach fifth grade... I like the age


----------



## rayraykay

You are both braver than I am- I work in a Child Development center...infants-3 years of age... but it's year round. I really enjoy it but sometimes it's a little much. Fifth grade is such a wonderful age but so much work! We need good teachers in this country tho so I am happy to hear you are both teachers. High school Red? That's awesome. Once again amazing age but I am not sure I could do it. 

Red those numbers look good to me too.

Left, I am still on cloud 9 for you.

Starry, periods can be so frustrating. Mine have always been inconsistent.. heavier one month, lighter the next...birth control helped control that. When I got off of it to have a baby, that's when I realized how jacked my periods were. Haha. Then I remembered how frustrated I always was in high school when I wasn't on BC and I was just trying to get the hang of having a period every month. Man, I would never want to go back to being 14-15 years old. Haha. I hope you start to feel better soon.

xoxoxo


----------



## RedWylder

Cary- It's funny because I truly think elementary teachers are saints. I'm not nearly organized enough to manage 25 young kids. I have to have students that can somewhat manage themselves. LOL!

Rayray...yea going back to 14-15 would be traumatizing. I remember bleeding through a few pairs of pants on different incidences and thinking that I was never going to get over it.


----------



## Carybear

Lol! Isn't it funny how everyone has their own area where they fit... I sed to think kindergarten teachers did nothing until I got put in that grade... Did it for two years and went back to fifth... I like them...


----------



## Starry Night

I have a lot of respect for teachers. Quite a few of my good friends have gone into the profession. One of my friends is teaching a one-classroom K-8 private school in a very small community. I don't know how she does it. I have heard some funny stories though.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey all :) wow a lot of teachers of all ages here isn't it wonderful . I work as a social worker in child protection and family welfare for my sins lol..

Ray I have decided to find out if this LO is pink or blue , the temptation not too is too much . So D day is the 30th of September ! How am I going to wait 6 weeks !! I am leaning towards a girl but not sure why ?????? I'm in trouble if it is as I have no girls names I like , she will be called rainbow for ever lol...


----------



## Starry Night

If you name your girlie Rainbow everyone will think she's a flower child. ;) It's kind of too bad as now that I think of it, it's really pretty.

I tried teaching Sunday School (GR3 to 4) and kid's club (ages 5 to 6) and I absolutely loathed it. lol I do not like working with kids at all. I don't mind helping with the nursery children because you just have to watch over them. But teaching and me do not work. I'm struggling to teach DS his colours and numbers, heck, even to talk. Just don't have the patience.


----------



## RedWylder

Left- I think some hollywood star named her daughter something that meant rainbow. I couldn't help but wonder if she had miscarried before her birth.


----------



## RedWylder

Oh it's Holly Madison and the name didn't "mean" rainbow. It actually was Rainbow. Rainbow Aurora to be exact. LOL


----------



## RedWylder

https://babynames.merschat.com/index.cgi?function=Search&meaning=Rainbow

Names that mean rainbow. hehe Maybe rainbow is the right name.


----------



## RedWylder

Sorry for the hundreth posting in a row but I JUST GOT MY BETAS BACK......................................................240!!!!!! That's more than double the 92 I had two days ago.


----------



## Carybear

Awwww Red!!!! I'm jumping for joy here.... Stick little bean stick!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Red that is WONDERFUL news :) TODAY YOU ARE PREGNANT AND ALL IS MORE THAN OK :) 
Lol am laughing just figured out our surname is Bowe so if I called a little girl Lorraine , her name would be LORRAINE BOWE lol... !!!!


----------



## Carybear

Left... That is hysterical!


----------



## Starry Night

Left - It was meant to be. :winkwink:

Red - :happydance: That's a great rise! Keep sticking, little bean! 

afm - the worst of AF is over. After DS and my m/c in the fall my AFs were extra heavy even by my standards and this time it's more in line to what I'm used to so that can only be a good thing. Now just the long wait until ovulation.


----------



## rayraykay

Lorraine Bowe... hahahahaha I am laughing out loud in my classroom of sleeping 3 year olds. That is hilarious!!

RED!! YES!!!! GROW LITTLE BEAN! STICK!! YAY!

Starry- glad to hear that the worst is over. I am so glad your period was more typical and what you are used to seeing, that can definitely only be a good thing. Now onto ovulation! I am cheering for you.


----------



## Starry Night

Ugh. This afternoon I passed a hideously huge clot. It was almost m/c-worthy. But after the short gush of blood that followed I am down to a really light flow. I guess I still had some leftover stuff which would explain all the preggo and off-kilter signs I was getting my past cycle. I really hope that was the last of that so I can go on to TTC.


----------



## RedWylder

Starry and Cary I'm thinking good things are just around the corner for you too. I'm thinking we'll be in the second wave of BFPs together. :)

AFM- Scheduled my first US appt on Sept. 4. I'll be 7 weeks if I last that long. I reallly really really hope I get to see my first baby heartbeat on that day. It will be the best day of my life.


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry that sounds awful :( we're you in pain ? 

Red I'm hoping and praying that you get to get the happiest day of your life on the 4th of September . The odds are in your favour xxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Red! I would love to be bump buddies with you and starry!

AFM - not much for signs... My BB's hurt occasionally... I'd say that I'm peeing more but that is just because I've uped my water intake... I'm pretty sure I Od ealy, so I might try testing on Sunday...


----------



## rayraykay

Ugh I'm sorry starry.

Red I am so so so hoping its the happiest day of your life. I believe it! I will be sending love to you and your little one :)

I would love love love to see Cary starry & red as bump buddies... That would make me sooo so happy


----------



## Starry Night

Left - I wasn't in much pain. I just felt really drained and I had a slight ache which made me feel like it was the heaviest day of my AF again but after lying down for about 40 minutes I felt much better.

Red - good luck with your scan. Yes, it's still a few weeks away, but it is something to look forward to and can be a first major milestone. 

I would love to be bump buddies with Red and Cary. :cloud9: If I go back to my 40 day cycles I should be ovulating around September 6th or 7th and test around the 21st.


----------



## Carybear

Here's to rainbows for all!

I had meet the teacher tonight... It went good... All but five families came


----------



## RedWylder

Starry- that just means you'll have a lot of bding to do so we can have the best hope possible of being bump buddies. 

Teacher meetings are not going well for me. My brain seems foggy and I'm struggling to get my head in the game this year. What a crap time to get my BFP. I'm not really complaining but of all the times to have a foggy brain, this is seriously one of the worst.


----------



## RedWylder

Any updates? Kungfubabe and Ilovemyhubby... What's going on with you two?

Cary, have you tested?


----------



## Starry Night

Ooh, yeah...Cary, you're getting close to testing time. Crossing my fingers for you!


----------



## Carybear

How are you feeling Red? Left? Rayray?

Starry, how are things with AF?

I second Red, kungfu and lovemyhubby where are you? Hope everything is ok?

Tested today, but BFN... Of course I cold be anywhere from 7-11 dpo... So it could be too early... I got watery ewcm 11 days ago along with pulling pinching pains in both sides... So I thought maybe I had o'd... But it could be that I o'd later... We DTD every other night through last Sunday so I'm pretty sure we covered it all.... 

Ill keep you posted 


Ill probably test again on Thursday... AF is due next Sunday....


----------



## Carybear

I forgot to add... I had a dream last night. I was testing and the paper had two dark blue lines on it... But then the paper (not sure why it was paper) got wet and I couldn't tell if there were lines or not...


----------



## Starry Night

7dpo would definitely be very early. Even 11dpo is a bit early. 

afm - I was in the city all day on Friday and I guess that was too much because my bleeding picked up again and it's still fairly heavy for a last day of my period. It's not bad, just heavier than I think the last day should be. Normally I just need a light-day tampon and that can last almost the full 8 hours advertised. But today I need the regular-flow tampons and they need to be changed more frequently. Blah.


----------



## Starry Night

This thread is for us ladies who are "on the road" so I figured it's the best place to have a moan as you'd all understand. I am really feeling this is just taking way too long. It's been almost 3 months since my d&c and my body is still so messed up! Why can't I be that girl who gets pregnant before first AF only 4 weeks after the m/c? What makes this feel longer is I knew the baby was gone for 3 weeks before the d&c so my being pregnant feels like ancient history. Yet I'm still feeling the effects of it. It's day 8 and I'm still bleeding, still cramped and still so bloated. :cry: I don't feel cleaned out yet. I hate this helpless feeling as I have to just wait for my body to sort itself out. I want to just say "hurry up, stupid body, and get better so you can make me a baby!"


----------



## Carybear

I understand Starry... It's been 10 months since my mc... I had hoped to get pregnant before the first AF.... I had a lot of symptoms that first month so I thought it had happened for me... I was wrong... I'm praying that this AF is your body getting ready for your lo little sister 

AFM... School starts for kids tomorrow... I think I am mostly ready 

I wiped today and there was just a dot of blood... We didnt DTD so I know it wasn't that... AF is due Sunday... Been feeling weird little pains in both sides...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary that could be good! In my first pregnancy I had literally a drop around implantation. Maybe you're little one is snuggling in! If so you should get a line within a day or two. If not...then your body is evil and cruel for getting my hopes up.


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - crossing my fingers for you! I got a spot of red a few days before my first bfp. 

afm - today is one of my real down days. I've had 10 day AFs after my other losses so it looks like it's happening again. It's just such a reminder of what has happened and the fact that I'm still getting physical reminders nearly 3 months out is just so disheartening. It is like my body won't let me move on. Not just with TTC but emotionally as well. I miss my babies and want them back. :cry: I had to buy DS diapers today and of course I had to walk through the baby section and today it just broke my heart to see the bottles and rattles and little onesies.


----------



## RedWylder

:hugs: I wish there was something I could do to help ease the pain.


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Thanks. I feel like I'm at a breaking point. And now DH says he thinks we can't afford a second child anyways. So I guess this is all just as well. 

I'm down to brown spotting now. So I hope it's almost done.


----------



## Carybear

:hugs: Starry... I'm praying you feel better soon... :hugs:

First day with kids today.. It went really good. My team this year is so much better.. Everybody is working together...

I had a dot of ewcm today with some light pink in it... One bit and then it was gone... Still waiting.... I will test either Thursday or Friday... AF is due Sunday


----------



## rayraykay

:hugs: to everyone. A hug is always nice.

:dust: to you Cary!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary sending you lots n lots of fairy dust to you xxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

Some cramping (but off an on) last night... One more drop of blood last night too... wouldnt have even noticed it, if i didnt look everytime... It feels weird... Like AF cramps, but heavy somehow,,. I don't know how to explain it...


----------



## Topanga053

Starry- I really hope you're feeling better today. :hugs:

Cary- Lots of :dust: and fingers crossed!! Can't wait to see what happens!!


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - :dust: I hope the spotting is IB and that your bfp is on its way!

afm - AF finally ended and am ready and rarin' to get to BD'ing. :winkwink: I always feel the worst when I have to sit back and wait. When I can actively do something to change my situation then I feel much better. The wait for ov is long (I'm thinking September 4th at the earliest) but at least I can distract myself now.


----------



## RedWylder

Cary, the cramps were the first sign of my pregnancy. I really think it's caused by implantation. This might be it for you!


----------



## rayraykay

Cramps definitely are one of the very first signs to show!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks everyone... Hoping that baby dust wears off on me... 

If I didn't know that AF wasn't due yet, I'd think she was here... I wore white pants today and was a little worried... No more blood since the spot last night..

I'm exhausted... First week of school is so tiring..


----------



## Carybear

Thought I would share some pics of my classroom.... The school's theme is super heroes, so this is super brain...


----------



## Carybear

Whoops... This is super brain


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you for sharing!! That's such an awesome classroom. Those kiddos are lucky to have you!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary sending even more fairy dust !!!!
:dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust::dust:


----------



## RedWylder

Cary.....TEST ALREADY!!!! I can hardly stand to wait any longer.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks ladies... Send all the dust you want... I'm so ready...

How is everyone?

How are you doing Starry? Glad to hear that AF has finally ended :happydance:
Now on to BD....

How are you feeling Red?

Rayray glad to see everything is still going great... 

Any new scans or appointments left?

So... I woke up this morning, sleeping on my stomach... BB's hurt quite a bit. I've had some sharp shooting pains to the nipple for a day or two..last time, I literally could not sleep on my stomach because they hurt so bad... I'm getting a lot of thick, lotiony discharge... To be honest I always get a discharge before AF... But it is usually clear and liquidy. I'm having to use panty liners.... The cramping is much lighter now. I only feel it every once in awhile. I had lower back pain but the weird thing was that it was only on the left side and went down into my leg...

I tested yesterday morning and it was a bfn... Looked like there could have been a shadow, but not sure. Last time I didn't get a positive until I was four days late... So... I will probably test tomorrow morning...

There are definitely a lot of signs... But, I'm okay with which ever way it goes... Ill let you all know!!!!


----------



## RedWylder

When I tested at 9dpo I had literally a shadow and nothing more. Once I tested the next day and got a clear line, the shadow morphed and seemed to be more apparent once I knew I was actually pregnant. I seriously will be surprised if you don't get a line tomorrow.


----------



## rayraykay

I don't wanna get your hopes up in the least Cary but the sings you are talking about happening with me as well. Started with some cramping, then the tingly feeling in my bbs, so sore they couldn't be touched or laid on... and the discharge... hmmm....

I am not a doctor but it sounds promising!


----------



## RedWylder

Cary- I'm doin ok. I'm trying to stay positive and for the most part I'm successful. I've been feeling icky pretty much most of the day for the past few days. I even dry heaved this morning but I think that was because I took my prenatal vitamin on a empty stomach. The dry heaving quit as soon as I got a tiny bit of bread in my tummy.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Cary- I'm doin ok. I'm trying to stay positive and for the most part I'm successful. I've been feeling icky pretty much most of the day for the past few days. I even dry heaved this morning but I think that was because I took my prenatal vitamin on a empty stomach. The dry heaving quit as soon as I got a tiny bit of bread in my tummy.

The joys of dry heaving !!! I have done it every morning and about 5 times throughout the day since week 6 !!!


----------



## Carybear

Glad you're doing okay 

Tested this morning.... And nothing...

So, I'll wait it out until Sunday and then we will see....

Have a wonderful day ladies....


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, :hugs:. But it's still early and I'm still sending loads of :dust: your way!!!


----------



## RedWylder

Dangit! Stupid test. What kind are you using?


----------



## rayraykay

:hugs: the cycle I got my BFP I got a lot of negatives first. Don't lose hope yet :dust:


----------



## Carybear

Thanks everyone... I'm not giving up yet... The cramping is pretty much gone, but I'm still having pain on my left side - lower back and it goes down my leg...

I'm about as irritable as I can possibly get! Everything is bothering me! I don't usually get that way, even during AF....

I've been using the cheap tests... Walmart 88 cents... If AF doesn't how Sunday, ill try another....


----------



## Left wonderin

Carybear said:


> Thanks everyone... I'm not giving up yet... The cramping is pretty much gone, but I'm still having pain on my left side - lower back and it goes down my leg...
> 
> I'm about as irritable as I can possibly get! Everything is bothering me! I don't usually get that way, even during AF....
> 
> I've been using the cheap tests... Walmart 88 cents... If AF doesn't how Sunday, ill try another....

Cary I really don't want to give you false hope but those still all sound like good signs :winkwink: I have everything crossed for you xx and am praying hard :)


----------



## Topanga053

Ditto what Left and Ray said, Cary! I didn't test until the first day AF was due with this BFP and I got the faintest line in the world (I even had to ask DH if he could see it because I thought I was imagining it). I am 100% certain that if I had tested even a day or two earlier, it would have been negative. Fingers crossed!!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks... I'm very emotional, so I'm a little teary eyed here....

I go between wanting to bite someone's head off to crying over something stupid....

If there is one thing I have learned through all of this, it is that you can't force your will to happen. You can try, you can pray... But ultimately it is up to God... Either you are or your not... But I so want this to be it....


----------



## RedWylder

Hugs! We all understand the longing that you feel.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks all... I should wait until Sunday, but I will probably test tomorrow morning too


----------



## Left wonderin

Your so right Cary , my sister bought me some notelets the time I got my BFP with this quote from the bible on it . It really spoke to me and I really think it is beautiful 

"HE hath made everything beautiful in HIS time" Ecclesiastes 3:11KJV sometimes having Faith is so hard , and sometimes its the most comforting thing in the world xxxxxxxx 

Come on Lord NOW is Cary time ;)


----------



## Carybear

Amen left!!!!


----------



## Carybear

My gums bled when I brushed my teeth tonight... Is that a symptom? That is highly unusual for me....


----------



## Starry Night

I got bleeding gums with all of my bfps! :thumbup: I'm really, really hoping those were false negatives and your bfp is just around the corner. FX'd!!!!

afm - back from vacation and we really needed that. Had a lot of fun and got to reconnect with DH on a deeper level.

Left - that is a perfect verse to remember.


----------



## rayraykay

My gums bled tonight when I flossed- definitely a good sign!!

I'm so glad you had a good vacation starry :hugs:


----------



## nessaw

Hi ladies have been out of the ttc game for a few months and we're ntnp this month before seeing the fert cons next week. I recognise quite a few names here so wd love to join you if that's ok.xx


----------



## RedWylder

Welcome Nessaw. Feel free to join. We've all been together for quite some time now but we always like to have new members.

Carrryyyyyy????? Any sign of AF? I hope the witch stays away!


----------



## RedWylder

You guys remember Akntqpie from the beginning of this thread?? She is the one that lost her husband while TTC and left BnB. Anyways...I'm having breakfast with her this morning! We both live in Alaska and she's finally going to be in the same town as me. Wish I could meet some of ya'll too!


----------



## Starry Night

nessaw - I remember you from before. Welcome to the thread. The other ladies here are really lovely.

red - how wonderful that you get to meet with akntqpie! Tell her I said 'hi' and that I still think about her.


----------



## Carybear

Hi ladies... Red say hi to her! I would love her name so I can talk to her through Facebook.

Well... Started bleeding this morning... I'm going to take a little break... Ill be stalking to check on everyone's progress, but I'm needing a little time. I had a lot of signs this month and really thought it was my time...

I'm praying for healthy babies for all..


----------



## RedWylder

No! Dangit Cary, I thought this was your month. :( I'm so upset for you. If you'd like, there's a TTC group on facebook I can add you to. Michelle (Akntqpie) is in that group. That goes for any of you lovely ladies. If you'd like a place to hang out besides here, let me know and I can hook you up.


----------



## Left wonderin

Red please tell Michelle I was asking for her , I think of her often xxxxxxx 
Cary I'm so sorry your hopes have been dashed again , take all the time you need we are all here waiting for your return when you are ready xxxxxx


----------



## Topanga053

OMG I remember Akntqpie from before, but I had no idea that she lost her husband! That must have happened when I was on a break from the boards??? OMG Red, please tell her I said hello and I am just so, so sorry. Wow, I'm really shaken up... what happened?

Cary :cry:. I am so sorry. Like Left said, take all the time that you need. Some time away from TTC and BNB was really helpful for me. I missed everyone here, but some time to focus on other aspects of my life was so helpful emotionally. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.. you're such an amazing person and you deserve amazing things!!


----------



## Topanga053

PS- Welcome, Nessaw! I definitely remember seeing you around! Starry's right... it's a great group of women here!


----------



## Left wonderin

Topanga her husband was in a fatal car crash , a day or two after she got her last bfn . I remember it so so well as we were cycle buddies and it really put things into perspective for me . I remember crying for her think just how awful and sad it all was . I hope she is doing ok in such sad circumstances .


----------



## RedWylder

Yea it shook me up pretty good as well. She is an incredibly strong woman and is, I think, finding herself again. She has done remarkably well in spite of everything. She's even got herself a brand new shiny red BMW! :) I got to sit in it today. But seriously if anyone would like to get in touch or join our preggo or TTC group on facebook, let me know. Michelle is active in all of them.


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I'm so sorry that AF caught you. :nope: I know how disappointing it is to get all sorts of hopeful signs only to have those hopes dashed. It is really cruel. Take all the time you need. :hugs:

I have days when I want to give up. I already have a LO so sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to simply count my blessings and move on. Yet, whenever DH and I start to seriously look at that option something in my heart breaks a little. I take that as a sign that I still have some fight in me. So I keep going though it hurts a lot. And since the doctor doesn't want to help me more until I have another m/c I need to keep trying and prepare myself for another potential loss.


----------



## nessaw

Thanks for the welcome ladies. Have been reading back in the thread and just wanted to say sorry for your losses and congratulations to those of you with rainbows. Will be keeping my fingers crossed for you.

was amazed to see how many teachers are this thread! I teach yr1 in England which is age5-6. Am on the last week of the summer hols. Back to school next mon.

As I said before had a mmc last nov after 11 months of ttc. A 9 wk scan showed a 5 wk blighted ovum. I had medical management of the mmc after a 10 wk scan confirmed what I already knew. As many of you have said I hoped I'd be the one who got pg straight away but it didn't happen. We had 3 cycles of clomid with nothing but bfn and resulting in averaging my cycles out to around 26 days, pushing ov back to cd 12 ish but thinning my lining so I now have 2 day light periods which as we know isn't much use. We were meant to be seeing the fert cons again in may to start referral for ivf but my mum then told me I hadn't had the measles vaccination as a child and we've had a outbreak in the uk. So I have taken 4 months out as you can't ttc for that long after having it. When I looked on the nhs website it said less so this month we're ntnp. The clomid gave me ov pains for the first time ever so the last few months I have known when I ov. Prev I was using cbfm.cd 21 Tests last yr suggested I didn't ov but that was because I ov in cd9 and the prog was low by cd21! So the month I actually got pg I wasn't paying any attention to symptoms. All I know is I got sore boobs cd28 and was constipated (tmi!) For a few days before that. Not ttc has given me a much needed rest from the emotional roller coaster of ttc and am in 2 minds about jumping back on the horse. We have a fert appt on wed to see whats next. Will be cd22 so am going to ask for a us of my lining. This Month I didn't get the ov pains so not sure how many dpo. Due around next sun/mon. 

Am sorry for the essay but haven't been on the forum for a while! I'll shut up now!!;-)


----------



## Carybear

AF has kicked my butt and I've had sharp pains from belly button to groin. Has anyone had those sharp pulling, tearing pains during AF? A few of them were sharp today...


----------



## Starry Night

I get them from time to time. My last AF they were especially bad. I don't know why I sometimes get them and others I don't. :shrug: I do find they are especially bad after a pregnancy but not sure if that actually has anything to do with it or not. That's just been my experience.

I hope you're feeling better soon. The physical downside of AF is hard enough to deal with on its own, never mind when it is coupled with the disappointment of a bfn. :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

Ugh Cary! I'm still so mad at AF for you. You're supposed to be my bump buddy. :( Hang in there and take all the time away you need.


----------



## rayraykay

I'm so sorry Cary. Sending love. Take your time. xoxoxo


----------



## RedWylder

For all my TTC ladies out there and for those that remember what it was like all too well:

https://www.twoweekwait.com/articles/what-no-one-told-you-about-trying-to-conceive

This post is amazing well worded and will probably have you crying like it did for me. But at the same time it's nice to have words to put to the feelings we all share.


----------



## Starry Night

I can relate to a lot of the comments on that list though some I feel guilty associating with. In a way I have been TTC long term as it has been 16 months of trying with no baby on the way but I feel guilty saying I'm LTTC because I have been pregnant twice in that time. I lost them but I know what it's like to get bfps within a reasonable amount of time. Yet I still feel jealous around pregnant ladies, still resent those who get pregnant first try with no ensuing problems.

And I do have a child. No matter what happens in my journey of TTC#2 I know I can't complain or be completely miserable. Though one comment did mention how you become numb to all you do have. And THAT I relate to. Sometimes I feel like having DS "doesn't count" in that having him doesn't always give me relief. I know he should, but it is so easy to forget the blessings I already have. I mean, my sister would love to have a family of her own but she can't even find a man. The single scene gets harder the older you get. I have my man and one child already. I have to see my brother and his wife get pregnant for the third time with no trouble and be due when I should be. But my sister has to see both of her siblings married and with a family and be left wondering if she will ever have that. But I have to force myself to put these things into perspective. It's hard.


----------



## Topanga053

Starry, you're absolutely right. It's so hard to get that perspective. I don't think that having DS should give you complete relief; this is a new baby you're trying for with new losses. I think your suffering is entirely understandable. But I also think it's beautiful that you're able to step back sometimes and look at things from your sister's perspective. We definitely do all have our own unique burdens and I frequently find that focusing on other people's struggles reminds me to be a little bit more gracious (and less bitter) about my own.


----------



## Starry Night

My brother had just posted on FB that they're expecting a girl. I had been successfully avoiding all pregnancy stuff from them and this just stares me in the face. And I don't know why, but I wanted them to have a boy. I feel like 2 of my angels were boys but I think it's that I really want my princess....this feels like such a kick in the gut and teeth and being stabbed in the heart. I wanted to write something very nasty which would have been so undeserved. I'm really scared they'll name her one of my angel's names or the name I'm reserving if I ever do get my girl. I just hate this.

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:


----------



## Carybear

I'm so sorry Starry... I'm praying that you get your little princess!


----------



## Starry Night

Thanks. :hugs: I would still be really happy to get another prince too, of course. What's the old saying? "An heir and a spare?" I just want a baby at this point even if I still daydream about a little girl. 

If my body decides to go back to normal this cycle I should be ovulating on Friday. So DH and I are starting to get serious about trying already. I have conceived on cycles where I didn't DTD for 4 or 5 days before ov so I know it's already important to get going. I'm not getting strong ov signs yet but my cm has been picking up. It's not ewcm but it's abundant. 

I am a little worried I'm having another off cycle and won't ovulate. It's CD 21 and I have been getting some of my usual AF signs which is way too early. It's not as bad as last cycle so I'm hoping it won't affect ovulation (I never got any ov signs last cycle).


----------



## RedWylder

Good luck Starry! My thoughts are with you but your cycles give me whiplash (you too, I'm sure). Keep staying strong, you'll get your next prince or princess eventually. :)


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Thanks! Shortly after writing my latest post I got gobs of ewcm and when I checked my cervix it was soft, high and open. And since DS was napping DH and I made good on the opportunity. :winkwink: I know DH and I are doing all we can to make this happen. The rest is up to God. It's out of our hands.

Red - how are you doing? Are you going to be getting an early scan?


----------



## rayraykay

Sending you :dust: starry!

Hope everyone is doing well!


----------



## Starry Night

Ray - I see you've reached viability! That's such a huge milestone...especially in a rainbow pregnancy. Congrats! Hope things continue to go well.

I just realized that if I do get my bfp this cycle it will be pretty much on the one year anniversary of when I got the bfp for my second-last angel.


----------



## RedWylder

Ray ray congrats on the milestone!!! 

Starry I have a scan next Thursday. Until then I'm just trying to stay calm. I still feel icky on and off but all out vomiting would make me feel better by a long ways. At this point I really feel like it could go either way.


----------



## Left wonderin

RedWylder said:


> Ray ray congrats on the milestone!!!
> 
> Starry I have a scan next Thursday. Until then I'm just trying to stay calm. I still feel icky on and off but all out vomiting would make me feel better by a long ways. At this point I really feel like it could go either way.

Red I have everything crossed for you for Thursday , I have not vomited once , nothing but lots of feeling icky and dry heaving ! Apparently its not unusual not to vomit !!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh and RAY yahoooo on V -DAY :) xxxxx


----------



## rayraykay

Thank you ladies. I appreciate it. It was a great milestone to get to. 

I didn't vomit until I got terrible headaches around week 11. Didn't feel sick really at all up until then except for the occasional nauseous feeling. I will be sending you love and thinking of you on Thursday. xoxoxo


----------



## Starry Night

I was the least sick with my son's pregnancy and that's the one that lasted (only the first pregnancy was less). Go figure. The sickness I did have disappeared overnight at about 9 weeks so that had me in a panic but obviously, things were just fine. It never came back either.


----------



## RedWylder

As the days looms closer I'm starting to feel really panicky and afraid. I've actually been pretty happy and hopeful this pregnancy and feeling icky has helped keep the anxiety at bay but today I don't feel as icky and that scares me. I'm convinced that my baby is slowly dying and the symptoms will fade away into nothing. Thursday can't get here soon enough!


----------



## Carybear

Praying for Thursday Red...


----------



## rayraykay

:hugs::flower:

love to you Red.


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Red I know that feeling well , the panic !!! Remember its normal and usual for symptoms to come and go In the first little while , and after all you have been through its understandable that you feel as you do . 

Nothing anyone says can take those feelings away , I remember sitting waiting for my early scan wanting to just run from the room ! The relief when everything was ok was overwhelming !!!! I so hope you have the same experience and I'm very very hopeful you will . Until then the best you can do is keep busy and get through each day xxxxxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

Thanks guys. Last night I had this horrible dream that woke me up and I don't remember the dream but I remember feeling that this was a lost cause. I couldn't get back to sleep I was so worried. I swear this wait is going to kill me. I wish I could find peace and let things happen.


----------



## Carybear

Just three more days Red!! Keep trying for positive thoughts... We are right here behind you


----------



## Starry Night

Red - I think what you're feeling is totally normal. Once I do get pregnant again I'll be a bundle of nerves until the second trimester. Find things to distract yourself with as best you can. Thursday is almost here.

Thinking of you and praying for the best! :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

I made it to 7 weeks. No bleeding yet and I still have some symptoms. Granted they come and go and fluctuate in intensity but I am at least still pregnant today and still "ok". 2 more day until my U/S.


----------



## Left wonderin

What do ya mean yet ! There is a big possibility you won't have any ever !! 2 more sleeps xxxxx


----------



## Starry Night

Ha ha, I think Red is trying to be positive! :winkwink: I've had bleeding in all four of my pregnancies by 6 weeks so if I made it to 7 weeks without bleeding I'd probably be using "yet" as well.

Red - sending all positive thoughts your way. :hugs:

afm - got really intense ov signs yesterday so we dtd again. I'm hoping I'm ov'ing a bit early but I can't assume ov is matching up with the signs though. I was planning on temping this cycle so I'd have a better idea but every single morning I forgot. :dohh:


----------



## RedWylder

Hahaha Starry. It's hard to get in the routine of temping. You really have to do it before you ever get out of bed.

And I guess I did have a tiny bit of blood after sex the other day but I'm not even counting that. It was so small and quit right away. I guess I say yet because I started heavy brown spotting by this time last pregnancy and a week and half later I miscarried. I feel positive that I'll at least make it further than the last one but I am not very positive that I'll make it 9 months. I'm focusing on little milestones though and Thursday is my first big/little milestone to get through. I think I might loose my shit if I see a healthy baby. I just don't know what I'll do with myself because I've yet to see a heartbeat and be able to experience that.


----------



## Starry Night

I have the thermometre beside my bed on the nightstand right at eye level and I still can't get into the habit though at this point in my cycle I might as well wait until my next AF (if it comes)

I do think I'm ovulating early. I got lots of ewcm this weekend and my cervix was high and open. It was that way this morning but I just checked this evening and it's closed up and my cm is starting to dry up. I still have cm but it's gone cloudy, watery and just not very fertile like. It would be nice to think I am having a shorter cycle because longer cycles increase the odds of m/c. Though 35 days still isn't very short. But it's more within the realm of normal.


----------



## Starry Night

Red - thinking of you today. I hope you see a healthy bean with beautiful heart beat on your scan! :hugs:


----------



## RedWylder

You guys are the best constantly checkin in on me. :) Baby has a hb of 157 and and measures 7 weeks 2 days.

https://i466.photobucket.com/albums/rr25/lbkaiser/photo_zps37bd54b1.jpg


----------



## Starry Night

:wohoo:

Yay, Red!!! What a beautiful little baby! You must be so pleased.


----------



## RedWylder

I can hardly put into words what I feel right now. It's wonderful.


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs: Enjoy every moment of it!


----------



## Carybear

Awwww Red... I was praying so hard!!! That is wonderful news! Enjoy that sticky little bean!!! I'm so happy for you!!


----------



## Starry Night

Well, I got more ewcm last night. DH and I have been dtd a lot this week so I don't know if it was him or the fertile stuff. It was very stretchy though and my cervix is still high. I'm a little nervous about that because I have heard that long fertile windows increase the risk of m/c. I wish I had remembered to temp this cycle! We're BD'ing this weekend just to cross our t's and dot our i's.

And my crazy hormones continue as my gums have become very sensitive and bleed when I brush. Silly body.


----------



## RedWylder

I think your body wants to be pregnant as bad as you do. Maybe that's why it pretends to be pregnant and gives you extra time to catch the eggie. lol


----------



## Left wonderin

I think your right Red lol


----------



## Starry Night

That would be nice! I like the idea of my body helping me in my quest rather than be forced to fight against it. Maybe this time my body will want to stay pregnant. Of course, I think my body does want to stay pregnant because it held onto my last two babies long after they proved unviable. My one baby lived 3 weeks without growing at all. A little fighter. Because both m/c's were similar in that way I'm hoping it's a good sign that they were simply 'bad luck' and I just need a healthy babe to get my rainbow. 

It's been a month since my tests and I haven't heard back yet so I'm guessing those came back all clear. I hope that is another sign my body isn't the one responsible for the miscarriages.


----------



## missgenna

Hi all, can I join?

My name is Genna, TTC for over a year now with one miscarriage in April. Still no BFP getting very discouraged and BD is no fun anymore with all the pressure. Looking for support because no one else seems to understand and everyone else seems to get PG so easily... :cry:


----------



## RedWylder

Genna, we are so happy to have you hear and provide any support we can. We've all been there and know the stress and pressure well. After a full year of trying with 2 miscarriages I broke down and gave up. I focused on life again and just tried to enjoy my time with hubby. I'm preggo again with what I hope will be my rainbow. 

Everyone here is at different points in their struggle to cope after a mc. Even being pregnant again does not make it all better. Good luck and talk about anything you need to hear.


----------



## Starry Night

Hi Missgenna, welcome to our little group.:flower:

It is very discouraging not getting the bfps we long for. I've been TTC#2 for 17 months now with 2 miscarriages in between. It can be soul-draining at times. I lost my latest angel in May and I'm just getting my cycles back now. I know my friends and family try to be sympathetic but yeah, people can't understand unless they've been there. I have two older friends who have gone through something similar so it's good to speak with them but it seems everyone my age gets PG quickly and never have any problems.

I'm so sorry for your loss and hope this month brings your rainbow.:hugs:


----------



## Carybear

Hi genna welcome... I'm so sorry for your loss and I can definitely relate..l mc in November nd am still waiting for my BFP... It took me 2 1/2 years to get my first BFP...

Starry I have everything FX'd for this to be your month... 

Today is cd14 and I haven't seen (or felt any ewcm) in fact the only thing I have is white lotiony stuff... Wondering what is going on this cycle... My breasts are tender and my nips burn a little... I've read that can be a sign of ov.... 

I bought a basal thermometer and have decided to start after my next AF.... Not sure what I'm doing but I am willing to try


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - if AF shows for me, then we can be temping/charting newbies together. And next time I WILL remember to temp each morning! Hopefully, neither of us will need to start up as we'll be preggo!

And I got creamy cm for several days before ewcm showed up for me this cycle. Just wait it out a couple more days. It may come yet.


----------



## Carybear

Sounds good  hopefully it won't get to that.. 

How are you feeling?

I usually have cm right after AF finishes so its strange to not have anything yet...


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary and Starry I will be excited to stalk your charts :) I will offer any help,I can so feel free to ask or pm me with any queries :) I found charting and temping really helpful ( a bit addictive to be honest lol ) I would recommend you use Fertility Friend to chart it a free app to download . But as Starry said with a bit of luck neither of you will need it !!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks left! And happy 17 weeks! Turnover day is Tuesday right?

Well... I still only have the lotiony stuff andi am now day 15...

Today I have severe pain in my lower back, butt, and down my leg... Hurts so bad I think I'm going to throw up! Now what is going on?


----------



## Starry Night

Maybe you slept funny? I was getting that a bit too but then DH said he was as well so I didn't think it was hormone related....unless it was sympathy pain! lol I hope your body starts to behave itself.

afm - think it is safe to say I'm officially in the TWW now as I'm starting to get post-ov signs. My cm is a little drier and a bit tackier and my boobs aren't quite so tender. But I am still really hormonal. I mean, I am outright miserable, it's awful. I feel flushed so I'm hoping that means my body temperature is going up in a _positive_ direction. ha ha I'm trying to remind myself that just because my body feels like it's going back to normal doesn't mean I'll get pregnant. Or that just because I had gotten a new bfp about 4 to 5 months after my other m/c's will mean it will happen again. I love being hopeful but I need to keep an eye on reality too!


----------



## Carybear

Naw... Started around noon today... I did get some stretchy stuff today.. So maybe it has to do with ovulation....

DH had a dream last night that he was with his dad laying on the couch with two babies... One boy and one girl... They were like a month old... Anyway, he was saying bravo and the one month old boy was repeating after him... And he was like dad... Look at this....

My dream was of an older boy. Some one was trying to kill him.. But every time they tried I knew ahead of time and saved him. Then, at the end there was a cat. He spoke... Weird i know, and said awwww you're going to have a kitten... 

Guess I need to watch what I eat at night...

I've lost 7 lbs


----------



## Starry Night

Congrats on the weight loss! I haven't been able to get mine to budge. It's a good feeling to see progress. :)

I like your dh's dream. Sounds very hopeful. And your dream can be a freaky hormone dream, I suppose. I've been getting those this ovulation cycle as well. I had a friend who dreamed she was having kittens while she was pregnant. I've read that is actually a common pregnant dream so maybe it's a sign!

afm - I've been feeling pretty gross and off today. If I continue to feel this way over the next week I may start to get suspicious that I'm pregnant. As for now I will just chalk it up to an off day. I have been feeling 'off' the whole fertile window and it seems to be getting worse. But I don't want to hold my breath yet. It's way too soon and I've been tricked before. If I am pregnant it will only get stronger. If I'm not it will come and go.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks! I havent really worked out, just doing the shake and small meals
I hear ya.. Since the mc I've had so many months when I was sure that I was pregnant only to be disappointed. I've learned that you can't go by signs... When you are you are... Eventually it will show..


----------



## Starry Night

In the past when I've gotten my bfps I was pretty certain I was pregnant. I just knew. Heck, with my last angel I knew pretty much from the moment of conception. The entire TWW the evidence mounted with each and everyday. But my hormones since the last m/c have been very deceptive. So I'm wary.


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi guys !! The Tww really is agony with the SS but its also almost impossible not to do it !! 
Cary the pain in your back and leg could be muscular from your lower back , I have suffered with it for years ! It's not siatica but feels very similar . I used to get it around ov , even had it medically checked out to see if I had tilted womb or fibroids but ultra sound came back all clear ? Never did get to the bottom of it . 

And yes turnover day is Tuesday , tommrow 18 weeks :) I still have to pinch myself !!!


----------



## Left wonderin

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...ets-Baby-joy-couple-refused-face-tragedy.html


Here is a wonderful article that I came across xxxx


----------



## Starry Night

What a lovely article. It is nice to read that sometimes all it really takes is to keep on trying. But I better not show it to DH because the triplet part will send him running for the hills. He is in terror of multiples. I think it's karma because he used to taunt his brother with that. My SiL is the daughter of a triplet so the odds of her having multiples was higher than average. But they only had singletons.

I can't believe you're 18 weeks already! Wow....


----------



## Carybear

What a nice article... Thanks for sharing


----------



## rayraykay

Love the article. Great find.


----------



## Starry Night

Having a low day and really need a dose of PMA. The linked article was lovely and helped a bit but I just feel so out of it this month. My pregnant-like signs were definitely overhyped ov signs as now that I'm firmly in the TWW they have all gone. It's definitely way too early for true symptom-spotting but I just feel so low. This last m/c has hit me so, so hard and my anxiety has been super bad as well. I'm not sleeping at night anymore because of it so that isn't helping with the PMA either...or the moodiness! 

The closest to a 'sign' that I'm getting is crazy heartburn but I have had episodes before ever starting to TTC so I can't rely on that alone but it still toys with my hopes.

Also feel upset because my sister let me know my pregnant SiL is trying to force everyone to get their whooping cough vaccines otherwise they can't see the baby and it's just getting under my skin that she's so paranoid and hypochondriac about her pregnancy when she has never had a single issue ever. She has ZERO reasons to be so paranoid. I get that some worries and anxieties are going to come but this intense paranoia feels like a slap in the face to me. If she wants to see causes of paranoia she should come to the PaL and TTCaL forums. I know it shouldn't bug me this much but it also forces me to acknowledge the pregnancy which I am still not ready to do. Never mind that forcing people to get needles under threat of keeping the baby away is pretty mean. :wacko: I am hoping my sister is exaggerating a bit though my SiL has asked me to stay away when I've had a simple cough (I'm not about to cough in a baby or pregnant lady's face). Besides, I am sure if my family were to contract whooping cough they would stay away and not want to get out of bed.


----------



## Carybear

Here's a little PMA... We can do this Starry... With Gods help it will be our turn!!!
It's our turn to graduate now :baby:

Your SIL seems a little silly if she is making that demand. I understand how hard it is. I get to see the baby that would have been the same age as mine every Sunday.. Following the mama's milestones throughout the pregnancy was terrible... Sending :hugs:

AFM I got gobs of ewcm today tinged with yellow.. I seriously thought I had wet my pants. I thought I was already out because DH and I have not DTD in like six days... But it looks like we are still on :happydance:

Anyway, sending huge hugs...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary! No taking breaks from DTD! 6 days?? That's way too long, you need to be jumping your hubby's bones. :D


----------



## Carybear

Lol... We've had some issues... We had a fight.. We were exhausted.. I've been sick... Feel like one of my students with all the excuses lol...

Tonight's the night... I have a ton of ewcm and just got it last night but mostly today...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary- I completely understand. I always made it a point to never conceive a child while mad at my hubby. I wanted a baby to be born out of shared love so when we fought, I never pushed the "we need to have sex" issue. 

I'm really interested for you to start temping if this isn't your BFP. I found when I temped that I got tons of ewcm a few days before O and then it gradually tapered off so the day of O it was never anything to speak of. 

Cary something you should try if you haven't already- put your hubby on a vitamin every day and a vitamin C one too. I know this sounds crazy but in the year and a half that we were trying to conceive my hubby took vitamins only 4 months (sporadically). And guess what? 3 of those months I got my BFP. The 4th month was immediately following my second miscarriage this summer and I'm not sure I even ovulated. It might be pure coincidence or maybe my hubby's sperm needed a little bit of swim power but after a year and a half and only conceiving on the months he took supplements, I'm a believer. To make it easier, he took the gummy ones. Hahahaha


----------



## Topanga053

Hey, no laughing at gummy vitamins! They're the only ones I'll take!


----------



## Carybear

Lol.,, thanks red.. He's been saying he needs vitamins... What do you recommend?

The one month I did OPK's, I got a positive five days after the start of ewcm... So we are going to keep at it every other day...

I had more ewcm than I have ever had before... It was like oozing out of me yesterday... Today I feel slightly dry... Guess we will see...

Thermometer is ready if I need it...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary to be honest there weren't a lot of choices for men's vitamins. But the gummies were definitely easier for my hubby to remember. I do recommend a gummy vitamin C one to go along with whatever Men's daily he decides to take. You can look up different benefits of vitamins to spermies but in the end they just don't make a vitamin for male fertility that's easy to get a hold of. Here's some examples article

https://www.webmd.com/infertility-a...0010622/can-vitamin-c-e-help-male-infertility

https://www.alive.com/articles/view/17772/6_ways_to_boost_male_fertility_naturally


----------



## Starry Night

They should make Flintstones vitamins in adult doses. Those were great!! Prenatals would be more palatable with m/s if you got to nibble on Fred, Dino, Pebbles, or BamBam. 

Anyways, still struggling with the PMA. I am pretty sure I'm on 6dpo so it's still too early for true symptom spotting but the lack thereof is disheartening. I know it doesn't happen right away for me but I always like to hope it will.


----------



## Carybear

I agree Starry... I used to love the flinstone vitamins...

So... I had unbearable lower back, butt, and leg pain on my right side on Sunday and Monday... Got a little bit of ewcm on Monday night and tons of ewcm on Tuesday... Stuff stretched like six inches or more... Pain was completely gone on Tuesday... Started feeling a little uncomfortable on my left side yesterday and ewcm started up again along with back pain on the other side... It only lasted a couple of hours and now it is gone...

Any ideas on what that is about?

DTD tonight, Saturday, and Monday.... Should have ovulated either this week or ths weekend... So even though we missed six critical days, still hoping that we caught the egg...


----------



## Starry Night

My bfp a year ago came when we only DTD about 4 or 5 days before ovulation. It can happen. It only takes one good swimmer. FX'd!


----------



## Carybear

Thanks....


----------



## SusieC

Hello Ladies
I've come over from PAL- will know some of you from there and from miscarriage support. Currently going through my third loss. Just thought I'd say Hi, since I might be around for a little while.


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - I am sorry you've had to come join us TTC'er ladies over here. But we're glad you chose our little group to be a place of support.:hugs: It's nice to have a little oasis for those of us who struggle with getting our bfps. When this thread was started I was still bleeding from my loss in the fall and seeing girls who miscarried after me around be 6 to 8 week pregnant. It doesn't happen quickly for all of us. I mean, it's been over 3 months and I just ovulated for the first time.

Have you thought of going for testing? I hope the doctors can find something that is easily fixed and you can have your rainbow to hold soon.

Cary - when are you testing? I'm testing on the 18th so I think we'll be testing close to each other. I'm really hoping neither one of us has to delve into the world of temping (I'm still intimidated by it all, ha ha) . :dust:

afm - have been feeling 'off' for a few days but nothing significant but this afternoon it has really picked up and I've gagged a few times. I hope this is a good sign and that I'm not simply coming down with a nasty buy.


----------



## Carybear

Welcome Susie... I'm so sorry for your loss... Ths is a great thread and you will find tht the graduates are on here all the time... I stalk the ther one, but don't write much. But I'm there silently cheering them on.

Starry, I too am hoping to not need the temping... I'm not sure when i ovulated or even if I did...but AF should come n the 23rd so if I can hold out, I'll test when she doesn't show  a little PMA for ya...

FX'd that this is it for you...


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Susie I'm so sad your circumstances brought you here , but happy to see you :) as you can see we all pop up every where around here ;) the support you will get here is just wonderful and you now have your very own set of cheerleaders :) 

Starry and Cary waiting is the hard part ........ I've everything crossed for you both this month xxxxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

I have zero symptoms... Nada... Nothing.... Zilch...

Except for ths sinus infection/head cold that is still hanging around quite a bit


----------



## Starry Night

I woke up with terrible nausea this morning but no fever or diarrhoea so starting to let myself hope a little. The nausea has calmed and now I'm hungry but my stomach still feels a little off.


----------



## Starry Night

Whoa, Cary, we posted at the same time! I think 3dpo is a bit early to be feeling signs but I understand wanting to prepare yourself. I'm not super convinced myself just yet. I always fear I'm reading into things.


----------



## Carybear

Definitely... I was so sure last month and the witch showed... The good news is that I am so busy the days just fly by... The bad news is that sometimes it feels like my life is just passing me by...

But... I'm holding on to Gods perfect timing...

I won't test for another week at least... Even then tht would be early... AF s due in 9 days...


----------



## RedWylder

Starry, you've had so many symptoms in the past but I'm cautiously hopeful that the nausea means something.

Cary- I had no symptoms this time around. Zero. I didn't believe it until I saw the line get darker.

Susie- I'm happy to see you hear so that I can follow your progress and root for you. I'm so sad for you that you had to make your way to this thread but I hope it will be helpful to you. Hang in there.


----------



## rayraykay

Welcome Susie. You've come to the right place, these women are incredible. I am so sorry for what you've had to go thru but you will get your rainbow. I believe it.

Starry & Cary- I am so hopeful for both of you. However, I completely/understand and agree that not trying to read into things too much or "count your chickens before they hatch" is the way to go when you want a baby so bad. I am bursting with hope for both of you. 

Starry... I am hopeful that the nausea means something!!

And Cary just because there's nothing don't fret!!! 3DPO is early... there's still so much time for signs to start showing and some women don't show any signs early on or until after they get the positive test. 

Your rainbows are coming. I know I must get so annoying saying that all the time, and I am sorry. But I am an eternal optimist, and I know that when I feel like I will never get something I want so badly, when someone is hopeful for me, I find peace in that.


----------



## SusieC

Thanks for the welcome! Fingers triple crossed Starry & Cary! 
I have a gynaecologist apt in the morning so am hoping he can tell me what happens next re testing. I'm supposed to have a rescan in the afternoon too- but I'm not sure there's any point as its clear I've miscarried. I'll ask his advise whether to go. 
I'm also going to book an apt to go back to acupuncture as that helped me to get my last BFP after 8 months TTC, she helped me to sort out my cycles and bad PMT before. 
Have got the next couple of weeks off work to recover as well


----------



## Carybear

I'm hoping you get some direction at your appointment tomorrow Susie...

Well.... I'm still just hanging around... Tww sucks...

My ticker is off by a day....


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - maybe go for the scan even if you can have the reassurance that everything is definitely cleared out and you don't have to doubt and wonder later. But then, I'm bit of a hypochondriac and tend to worry about things. Good luck with the appointment and I hope the doctor is ready and willing to get testing going. I think you have to wait a few months before they can do tests. I think 2 months or so just to make sure all the pregnancy hormones are gone.

afm - I really hate the TWW!! One minute I feel so hopeful and the next I'm convinced I'm out. Then I get despairingly sad that I don't feel sick. It's all so crazy! I got a little bit of nausea during church but nothing significant. And my other 'big' preggo signs aren't around. My boobs aren't any different and I'm not running to the bathroom every 10 minutes. 

I know the only way to know for sure is when I take a pregnancy test on Wednesday. I just think that feeling out means that I am. It sucks. This is my first real, normal cycle since the d&c so that means this would be my first failed cycle. The first AF I was still getting positives just a few days before so no chance to conceive. My last cycle was long and weird and I didnt ovulate so no chance to conceive. And I will only have one more cycle to conceive before my angel's due date. Stupid long cycles. :growlmad:

Sorry, I know I should keep up the PMA but I am just down, down down. I'm thinking the few 'signs' I"m getting are my new AF signs. It's hard to say. EAch of my pregnancies have altered my cycles and body cues. That's why I keep getting tricked after my miscarriages.


----------



## SusieC

Sorry you're feeling down starry. This whole thing is so hard. I've got my fingers x for you. I seem to find when I'm sure it's not my month I get a BFP! Hope u find the same and that it's lovely and sticky! 
Thanks for the advice - I'll see what the gynaecologist says. Strangely I feel ok ish- I really thought I'd have some sort if breakdown if I had another MC, but I feel Like I can get through it. Physically so far it hasn't been as demanding this time. 
Following other threads and seeing so many rainbows gives me hope.
Night all x


----------



## RedWylder

Susie you definitely have reason to hope. There are so many positive stories out there. I honestly think that because you've been able to conceive so many times is a good thing. I think the women that struggle to do even that have a harder time getting a rainbow because their body may not even be able to get pregnant. At least we know your body isn't dysfunctional in that respect. You just need to catch a good eggie and sperm. There's a woman in a loss support group of mine that had 6 miscarriages and her 7th one is going to be a beautiful rainbow. All of her tests came back normal so nothing was "wrong" just wasn't quite perfect. When your rainbow does come, it will be perfect in every way. :)

Starry, I feel good about this cycle for you. What dpo are you? You should test now (y'know just in case) .

Cary- TWW blows. No way around it. The only way it ever got better for me was by giving up charting and counting days altogether. Only then did I forget what day I was on and time sped up.


----------



## Starry Night

Red- thanks for feeling so positive for me. I think I'm 9dpo so I guess I could get a bfp if I'm pregnant but I also am terrified to try. I feel like I want to put it off until Wednesday so I will be 12dpo by then and can't use the "it's too early" argument to further feed my false hopes. Tests are sensitive enough that it should be accurate by then. 

I got a bit of stretchy stuff this afternoon. It could be leftover stuff from dh (we dtd last night) but if it's ewcm then I am definitely out as I always get some a day or two before AF arrives.


----------



## rayraykay

I am so hopeful for you Starry. I didn't think I was pregnant when I got my BFP in April. The signs just weren't there yet. I tested a few times too early and got a negative then waited a day or two and got a positive. 

I am so sorry about the TWW Cary. I know its ridiculously hard to get thru. Maybe doing something fun like a date night with DH will help?


----------



## Starry Night

Red - I think you're a bad influence and I cave too easily to peer pressure. I'm only 10dpo and took a test this morning. But fortunately for me, I got my :bfp:!!!!

I'm both happy and really, really scared. But the line is fairly dark already and I've felt sick since Friday so I'm hoping those are good signs.

I just can't believe there is a little beanie inside of me. :cry: :cloud9:


----------



## RedWylder

I knew it! :wohoo:


----------



## Left wonderin

Starry I'm am so so happy for you and your little beanie right now :) xxx you sure are one fertile lady ! Lol....... Well done :) I'm so so happy right now :)


----------



## Starry Night

I have read a theory that sometimes recurrent m/c is caused by hyper fertility, where a a defective egg will still catch and the body will implant it rather than reject it outright. Though, I like to say that my man is just that virile. My doctor had warned me even from my teen years that I'd have a hard time getting pregnant as I've always had cycle issues. I guess it's more of an issue of STAYING pregnant with me.


----------



## Left wonderin

Eh guessing your doctor was wrong about the getting pregnant bit !!! I'm so thrilled for you . And I've a good feeling about this little beanie :)


----------



## RedWylder

Starry I was thinking the same thing about hyperfertility. You really seem to be able to get pregnant easy but staying pregnant is tough. But maybe your man just has really great swimmers. :)


----------



## Carybear

I'm so very very very very very happy for ya!

I'm not even sure what day I am... I've been sick for the better part of two weeks. I'm going to the bathroom every five minutes... Now if it was because I was pregnant, then I would be ok with that... But all this sinus junk is drying me out so I am drinking about 140 ounces of water a day... Which of course makes me pee... But I'm literally going like 3-4 times an hour!


----------



## RedWylder

Cary....that sounds good but you've had so many good symptoms before; I'm afraid to be too hopeful yet. Just a few more days!


----------



## Carybear

I'm sure the peeing is just from all the water I am drinking.. It's way too early for anything like that... I started with a sinus infection that turned into a cough... I've been so dry...

I'm not really expecting much from this cycle... Would be wonderful, but dh and I DTD so few times... Guess we will have to see...

I'm so excited for everyone. It's great to hear all the good news!


----------



## rayraykay

hecccckkkk yes Starry. So thrilled for you. I can't contain my smile for you right now. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! :hugs:

Cary-- I am also hopeful for you this cycle. I think it could be this time around. Even with the DTDing a few times... all it takes is once. In fact maybe since there wasnt soooo much sperm? Who knows. I am very hopeful for you.

Susie please let us know how the appt goes. 

xoxooxo love to all


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - sorry that you're not feeling well. :( Illness does make it difficult to detect what are pregnancy symptoms or not. Sometimes sinus issues can be a 'sign' but if it's been several weeks then it would be tough to separate sick sinuses from preggo sinuses. 

I'll keep on hoping for you and crossing my fingers. BFPs can surprise us. I honestly was NOT expecting one today. Maybe you will get a surprise one too. :dust:


DH is feeling a little under the weather so whenever I would mention a certain thing I was feeling to dh, thinking it could possible be a sign, he'd say "oh yeah, I have that too". That's part of the reason I felt "out". The sore boobs didn't come until last night...don't think he has those! :winkwink:

I will say that I did get a little suspicious last week when I was getting awful pinching pains deep in my butt muscles and on my tailbone. It seems sciatic nerve pain really is an early sign for me.


----------



## Carybear

This coughing is driving me crazy... I'm peeing so much that I have to wear a pad.. I'll be happy when I have coughed my last cough 

Nothing t oo great to report... BB's are tender but that happens before AF... I'm exhausted, but I'm working about 10 hours at work and then coming home to another two or three... I'm not sleeping great because of the cough...

I'd love to think that the sinus issues were pregnancy... But... It all started before I ovulated... So... Definitely not..

Trying to be realistic and not read into anything.,, I've done too much of that....


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, I understand. You want to hope but at the same time you want to prepare yourself too. It seems you have a 'perfect storm' of things coming together that could mimic signs but also have other explanations.

When looking into supplements to help with my recurrent m/c I came across a supplement CoQ10. It's meant to increase egg quality and production especially for those who don't ovulate regularly and those TTC over age 35. It's a bit costly (I priced it out to be about $60 a month) but it's still cheaper than fertility treatments. You can get it at any pharmacy or health food store. I'm not taking that as I do ovulate but other idea is fish oil. It is also supposed to help with egg production and quality. It also can be taken throughout pregnancy to help prevent m/c (CoQ10 has to be stopped once you get bfp). It's a bit cheaper. I found a bottle of capsules on sale for $11 but that's the cheap stuff. I want to get the actual oil so I don't have to swallow pills through morning sickness. But a bottle of fish oil is $45 at the health store. :wacko: (though that would probably last a few months) For TTC it's important to get fish oil that is made from body oil and not the organs (ie. avoid the cod liver oil).

Maybe these could help. :flower:


----------



## Carybear

Thanks... I will have to look into it...

If we were able I think the best medicine would be a vacation  we are hoping to be able to at some point...


----------



## SusieC

Starry Night said:


> Yeah, I understand. You want to hope but at the same time you want to prepare yourself too. It seems you have a 'perfect storm' of things coming together that could mimic signs but also have other explanations.
> 
> When looking into supplements to help with my recurrent m/c I came across a supplement CoQ10. It's meant to increase egg quality and production especially for those who don't ovulate regularly and those TTC over age 35. It's a bit costly (I priced it out to be about $60 a month) but it's still cheaper than fertility treatments. You can get it at any pharmacy or health food store. I'm not taking that as I do ovulate but other idea is fish oil. It is also supposed to help with egg production and quality. It also can be taken throughout pregnancy to help prevent m/c (CoQ10 has to be stopped once you get bfp). It's a bit cheaper. I found a bottle of capsules on sale for $11 but that's the cheap stuff. I want to get the actual oil so I don't have to swallow pills through morning sickness. But a bottle of fish oil is $45 at the health store. :wacko: (though that would probably last a few months) For TTC it's important to get fish oil that is made from body oil and not the organs (ie. avoid the cod liver oil).
> 
> That's really interesting re coQ10 Starry. In my TCM book by Zita West she recommends it and mentions it as being linked to miscarriage. I'm off to buy some today, plus some selenium and magnesium (my prenatal only has v small amounts in)


----------



## Carybear

One question... Can you have a uti with no pain? I'm peeing like 3-4 times an hour... I've never peed this much before...

Trying not to read into it, but today I got a little light headed.. Nipples are sore but that always happens before AF.... One more week


----------



## rayraykay

In my experience, I've never had a UTI with no pain. I think burning and pain goes with the territory of having a UTI but I don't know that for sure.

.....:) I won't read into it either but.... One more week!


----------



## Starry Night

I don't know about UTIs, but I think you can get symptomless bladder infections. But I think things would be a bit more dribbly if it were an infection.

I usually get really dizzy and light-headed just before a bfp. Crossing my fingers for you!


----------



## RedWylder

How are my TTC ladies feeling? Thinking of you!


----------



## Carybear

I'm here.. Just waiting...:coffee:

For the last day or so I've been feeling a little light headed... I have problems with my blood sugar going low. I didn't eat lunch today because I ate a bigger breakfast and when lunch rolled around (at 10 am which shouldn't be allowed) I wasn't the least bit hungry... So I figured that the light headedness was from that,,, I felt weak and like my head jut wasn't clear...

Usually though I will feel like my arms and legs have heavy wights on them and I didn't feel that way... But I ate and 3 hours later I still feel off... A little queasy and I actually broke into a cold sweat... Like clammy...

So... I sit here and :coffee: wondering if this is it, or if my body is just setting the stage for AF


----------



## RedWylder

Cary have you had a highly sugared coffee drink? Sometimes you can feel like your blood sugar is low when in actuality your sugar levels are just crashing. Whether it's that or your bs actually being low make sure you take in some steady carbs. I'm only putting pieces together but you mentioned that you've been peeing a lot before this. Have you been extra thirsty as well? While these are also signs and symptoms of early pregnancy, increased urination and thirst are some of the first signs of diabetes. You want to pee a lot because you're trying to pee out all the sugar you can't use and you want to drink a lot to dilute your blood since it has too much sugar in it. Anyways, if you're now feeling low on sugar, you may want to go get checked out. 

Don't take my word for it since Im not there and don't know anything more about your situation than the little bits I'm reading online but just keep an eye on things.


----------



## Carybear

I had a two hour glucose test, and they said everything was good... No sign of diabetes at all... So I'm clear there... I was diagnosed with hyperthyroid many years ago, but I went off medicine in December because I was heading towards hypo... I've been in the normal range since then...

I pretty much only drink water and I have been drinking about 140 ounces a day... Thus the reason I'm probably peeing so much 

If the light headed stuff keeps up... Ill go to the dr....


----------



## RedWylder

Oh good! I'm glad you are in the clear. I was worried for a sec, now I can go back to being hopeful.


----------



## Carybear

That was the first thing they thought when I went to see the re because I am overweight. But... It turns out that my cholesterol is too low... My blood pressure is low.. And I am pretty good in the sugar department...

Guess we will see on tuesday


----------



## Carybear

I checked cm today and inside feels really thick... Like hard to fit my finger in... Never had that happen...

Getting some pinching pulling pains deep in the center of my lower stomach,,, but ive had these before and had a bfn...


----------



## rayraykay

All good signs Cary. I'm sending lots of sticky baby dust and I am so so hopeful.

:dust:


----------



## Starry Night

Yeah, the pinching and pulling is a tricky one to interpret. I get that with AF too but I get loads with a bfp as well. This is my 5th bfp which seems like a lot but when you compare it to the vast number of AFs I have gotten since I was 12 then it is sometimes hard to recall what is the bfp pulling and what is AF pulling. Generally, my bfp pinches and pulls are more numerous and more concentrated under my belly button and above the pubic bone where my AF pinches and pulls feel more random and all over the place and there is also the usual squeezing sensations. But I wouldn't write a text book on it or anything. lol

I find I get really swollen "in there" and was having a hard time checking my cervix just before my bfp. DTD was also a bit painful and awkward due to that. 

I am reading reasons to be hopeful for you, Cary. I know you want to be realistic so let the rest of us cheer you on!

How much longer until you test?


----------



## Carybear

I've only been pregnant once, but I do remember that pinching/pulling pain. It was deep in the middle of my belly.. That is what I just felt this week. But this morning I felt one on the left side and I'm pretty sure that is AF. 

But I have never been so swollen down there... And very very sensitive... I'm so swollen its hard to reach my cervix... It's not super high or anything but let's just say its like the walls are closing in on it... Lol 

AF is due Tuesday so I guess I will test Monday or Tuesday... Woke up feeling nauseous this morning but again I've been sick and draining a lot of snot...

So, I'll just :coffee: :sleep::coffee::sleep::coffee::sleep: and then hopefully know something...


----------



## Starry Night

All sounds good! FX'd!!!:dust::dust:


----------



## Carybear

I've been exhausted all day... I took a nap this afternoon... I never do that...


----------



## SusieC

Good luck Cary - sounds hopeful, I have my fingers x!


----------



## RedWylder

Susie, how are you feeling? I see your emotion thing says sad and I am still so upset for you.


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I am getting excited for you. It would be so great if we could be bump buddies. I think I'm getting anxious for your test. lol I want this for you so badly!!


Susie - I've been thinking of you.


----------



## Carybear

That would be awesome! I want this really bad too....

I'm realistic enough to know that my body has fooled me before, but optimistic enough to hope that this is it...

The glass for me is just half... Half full or half empty doesn't really matter.. It's just half... And that's what my chances are... 50/50


----------



## Starry Night

How are you feeling today, Cary?

Susie - are you getting any follow-ups with your doctor? Take care, sweetie.

afm - feeling a little grossed out. I was munching on some grapes when I suddenly picked one up that was covered in mold. Ewwww.....I now wonder if I accidentally ate some other moldy pieces. Blech.


----------



## Carybear

Yuck.... That's gross.... 

I'm feeling ok... A little crampy, but on and off... Nothing consistent... More pinching pain in the middle of my belly. Fr the last two days I've woken up in a sweat... We keep the house at 72 degrees, which is pretty cold and I've had to throw the covers off... I've been hotter during the day too...

This morning I had to take a lukewarm shower (usually I like it steaming hot) because the hot steam made me almost throw up...

Other than that feeling fine

Thinking of you Susie...


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I have everything crossed for you , all sounds so promising , ill be having a word with the man upstairs ;)


----------



## Carybear

Thanks Left... It is truly His decision... I'm pretty exhausted right now...


----------



## Starry Night

I said a little prayer for you last night, Cary. I hope God has mercy and gives you the desires of your heart.


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, thinking of you and can't wait for you to test!!

Susie, any updates hun? You've been in my thoughts. :hugs:


----------



## SusieC

Hi Ladies
How are you all doing? (I just stalked the other thread too!!). 
Been taking a few days out. Thanks for the kind thoughts. I've got my forms though for the blood testS but have to wait 6 weeks.
Physically I'm ok now. Emotionally v up and down. Had a lot of other people's baby news this week. A friend announced she is 13 weeks, I'd guessed she was pregnant a while ago and was hoping we'd be bump buddies, so that feels a bit hard although I am pleased for her. Another dear friend had her baby boy today - she had 5 MCs, so that is the best news and I volunteered to buy the present from my group of friends as I want to get something really nice. 
Cary- big fingers x for you. I REALLY hope u get ur BFP :)


----------



## rayraykay

Thinking of you Susie xoxoxo it's so hard to hear others baby news when you're hurting yourself. I'm so sorry. I work in a child development center so coming to work after my MC was severe torture. Im so sorry for what you're going through. 

Cary.... Ahhh I am so hopeful for you. Xoxoxoxoxo thinking of you all the time


----------



## Topanga053

I agree with Ray. It's so hard to hear other people's baby news after a loss. Frankly, Susie, I think you're handling it much more gracefully than I ever did. Luckily, I don't work with children (I'm a prosecutor) and all of my co-workers are older (average age in my office is probably 50), so no one is pregnant. But within a few months of my loss, I had a few defendants argue for less jail time because they were pregnant. It was infuriating, to say the least. I even had one defendant blame some of her criminal conduct on the fact that she had a miscarriage years ago. Needless to say, I wasn't particulalry sympathetic to that argument. 

Cary- any news???


----------



## SusieC

Thanks guys. That must have been so hard to work with children and families and pregnant defendants! Luckily I work with male offenders so no pregnancies there lol!! Although sooo many female colleagues have had babies since I first started TTC. 

I second "any news Cary?!" Fingers tightly crossed!


----------



## RedWylder

Cary has that witch showed her face or do we have a bfp?? I'm dying to know!


----------



## Topanga053

SusieC said:


> Luckily I work with male offenders so no pregnancies there lol!!

What do you do???


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - sorry you have had to endure so many baby announcements recently.:hugs: It makes the emotional recovery seem that much harder. And others just don't understand that conflict of emotion inside of us. We want to be happy for those we care about, but it's just too painful of a reminder. 

I am similar to you, in that I don't begrudge rainbow babies or those born to women LTTC. After I m/c'd the only person I knew who I wanted to hear a baby announcement from was a friend I know who has been TTC for almost 2 years now. But I got one from my SiL instead. Someone who has only had perfect pregnancies and I miscarried during her last pregnancy too!:dohh: She's still pregnant and I'm terrified of miscarrying a second time over this pregnancy and for a third time over one of her pregnancies. Doesn't help with the jealousy.

I hope you find a lovely gift for your friend's rainbow baby. :flower:

Cary - I hope you are doing OK. You have a lot of ladies here waiting anxiously on you. LOL But your silence has me a little worried that you didn't get the answer you wanted. Thinking of you. :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Cary I'm with STarry thinking of you and hope you are hanging in there :) xxxxxxxxx


----------



## rayraykay

Cary I am with everyone else.. thinking of you and sending love :hugs:


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, any news??? I'm dying here!!! I'm a little worried its bad news since you're so quiet, but all my fingers are crossed that you've just been out celebrating!!


----------



## SusieC

Cary- thinking of you too :hugs:


----------



## Left wonderin

Hey everyone :) its Friday :happydance: . Anyone any nice plans for the weekend ? Hoping everyone is doing well :flower: Cary still thinking of you :hugs:


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - How are you doing? Have you considered going for testing as to why you're miscarrying? I've only had the basic tests done myself but it helped ease my mind a bit when they came back normal. It is a tough decision to make though as often you have to wait on TTC until they're done. I sneakily TTC while waiting for my appointment as I just couldn't wait. My cycles weren't back to normal though so it didn't really matter.

Cary - hope you're feeling OK and that everything is all right for you and your loved ones. :hugs:

afm - no weekend plans as I'm really taking things easy. I was supposed to go to a Ladies' Day event with my church but no way am I going. I would be running to the bathroom every 10 minutes to panty-check for spotting.

and what the heck?! I know I'm up in the wee hours because of pregnancy insomnia but now I can hear DS prattling on and singing in his room. He always sleeps through the night. But he does talk in his sleep sometimes. I don't want him up with me!! lol


----------



## Carybear

Hi everyone! So sorry to be MIA... This week has been insanely crazy... And I have not had even two minutes to sit down and read what's been going on with everyone...

AFM... Well... The witch never showed, but then neither did the BFP... Still waiting or one or the other... In the mean time I'm severely exhausted. By the time my students leave at 2 I'm so exhausted I just want to sit down and cry... My boobs just started hurting today, but I've been nauseous every day this week.. Generally starts around 3 and lasts most of the evening..

My cervix was low but has now gone high and I'm so swollen down there that it is hard to find my cervix. Everything is soft and squishy so they just kind of melt together... There's a lot of liquid coming out of me, so even with no AF I'm wearing a pad... I keep running to the bathroom thinking I'm bleeding but I'm not.... A lot of clear fluid.. Other that or I keep peeing myself....

Anywho... Not sure what is going on. AF was due Monday... Still no sign... Definitely not the usual for me


----------



## RedWylder

How often are you testing? I feel like something should have happened by now. You might want to ring the doc if something doesn't give.


----------



## Carybear

I've been testing every other morning... Yesterday I thought that maybe I saw a faint line, but not sure... Plan to test again in the morning..

Went to the dr for my cough Friday afternoon and asked for a blood test. Results should be back Monday


----------



## Left wonderin

Post the test Cary we can help you spot the lines . I've everything crossed for you x


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - what you're describing sounds so similar to how I get with my bfps. I hope you find out one way or the other what is going on. I echo Left. Post a photo of your tests and we will squint for lines with you. Maybe we'll find something.


----------



## Carybear

Thanks ladies, unfortunately I threw it out...

I was five days late.. Right up until this morning...


----------



## rayraykay

Cary I'm so sorry. xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

It's ok... I really am ok... I've been sick so maybe that's why it was so late... 

God s in control...

Wishing everyone health and continued success in their pregnancies


----------



## Starry Night

I'm sorry AF caught you, Cary.


----------



## RedWylder

Cary is there any way you can lessen your load? You work so hard and barely have time to enjoy life and your hubby.


----------



## Carybear

Naw... This is my life.. Hopefully at some point it will change... I would love to quit, but I enjoy having a roof over my head and eating 

I know things will change at some point but for the time being this is it...

Thanks for the concern... You gals are great...


----------



## Left wonderin

Oh Cary , AF is such a cow !!! Its bad enough she turns up but to mess with your head , raise your hopes and turn up 5 days late !!!! That is just cruel :( immsomsorry wish I was there to give you a hug and help eat tons of junk food to ease the disapointment with you xx


----------



## SusieC

Ah Cary so sorry. AF makes your heart sink esp after arriving late and giving you hope :( 
:hugs:


----------



## SusieC

Starry Night said:


> Susie - How are you doing? Have you considered going for testing as to why you're miscarrying? I've only had the basic tests done myself but it helped ease my mind a bit when they came back normal. It is a tough decision to make though as often you have to wait on TTC until they're done. I sneakily TTC while waiting for my appointment as I just couldn't wait. My cycles weren't back to normal though so it didn't really matter.
> 
> Cary - hope you're feeling OK and that everything is all right for you and your loved ones. :hugs:
> 
> afm - no weekend plans as I'm really taking things easy. I was supposed to go to a Ladies' Day event with my church but no way am I going. I would be running to the bathroom every 10 minutes to panty-check for spotting.
> 
> and what the heck?! I know I'm up in the wee hours because of pregnancy insomnia but now I can hear DS prattling on and singing in his room. He always sleeps through the night. But he does talk in his sleep sometimes. I don't want him up with me!! lol

Hi
Hope all you ladies are keeping well. 
My gynaecologist will do some basic blood tests but have to wait 6 weeks after MC. I've been back to acupuncture who basically said my body is so depleted it won't support another pregnancy so we need to take 3 months out. It makes sense- I'm completely spent physically and emotionally. 3 cycles takes us to mid dec or 4 cycles jan. it feels like a relief tbh and I want to give myself the best chance in future. I just have to make sure I'm good and don't sneakily DTD when I know I'm About to ov! Lol! It looks like my cycle has fallen straight back to normal and I "may" have even ov the other day (not charting 100% properly again just yet). We DTD (sorry tmi) a few days before but not at actual predicted ov time, so a good start! 
I'm also looking into Mayan abdominal massage, as I have a tilted uterus (which is common but TCM think it can be linked to recurrent MC) and I think my lining is quite thin. 
Sorry for long post lol!! I'm only dipping into B&B at the mo, as trying to step back a bit from TTC. Back to work tomoro - daunting but good to try and get back to "normal"!


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi susie , great to hear from you :) sounds like you have a plan going forward which is a good thing . You have been through a lot both physically and emotionally almost consistently over the last year . It sounds like giving yourself both mind and body a chance to heal is the right thing to do :) 

Good luck going back to work tommrow , sometimes normal is wonderful :) xxxx


----------



## Carybear

Thanks left... I should be used to it by now....


----------



## RedWylder

No one should be used to the constant roller coaster of emotions that is long term TTC. So sorry Cary and Susie. Take any time you need to do you own thing. We'll be here.


----------



## Topanga053

Cary- Left said it perfectly... AF is a total cow. :growlmad: I was really excited for you, things seemed to be lining up perfectly. It's cruel. I hope you're coping as best you can. 



SusieC said:


> but have to wait 6 weeks after MC. I've been back to acupuncture who basically said my body is so depleted it won't support another pregnancy so we need to take 3 months out. It makes sense- I'm completely spent physically and emotionally. 3 cycles takes us to mid dec or 4 cycles jan. it feels like a relief tbh and I want to give myself the best chance in future. I just have to make sure I'm good and don't sneakily DTD when I know I'm About to ov! Lol! It looks like my cycle has fallen straight back to normal and I "may" have even ov the other day (not charting 100% properly again just yet). We DTD (sorry tmi) a few days before but not at actual predicted ov time, so a good start!
> I'm also looking into Mayan abdominal massage, as I have a tilted uterus (which is common but TCM think it can be linked to recurrent MC) and I think my lining is quite thin.
> Sorry for long post lol!! I'm only dipping into B&B at the mo, as trying to step back a bit from TTC. Back to work tomoro - daunting but good to try and get back to "normal"!

Susie, glad to hear you have a plan of action. Sometimes taking a break from TTC (and even B&B) is exactly what the doctor ordered! I took a few months off from B&B and really active TTC (charting, etc) right before we got this BFP. Hopefully the rest and relaxation will have the same result for you a few months down the road! :haha: 

As far as tilted uteruses being linked to recurrent MC, that's interesting. I only learned recently that I have an apparently pretty severely tilted uterus. My doctor said it shouldn't affect TTC or cause a MC because it will automatically right itself during pregnancy. Isn't it so interesting how many different medical opinions there are out there??? Frankly, I hope my doctor is right!! :winkwink: 

Good luck going back to work today!!


----------



## Starry Night

Susie - aw hun, I hope you start to feel better soon. Recurrent m/c's really is a strain on the heart, mind and body. I'm glad you're at peace about waiting to TTC again. Take all the time you need and good luck with your return to work.

Cary - I admire your positive outlook on everything. I know it's not easy. But your commitment to trust in God's goodness and timing really is a sign of your faith. I hope He has mercy and gives you your precious rainbow soon.

afm - trying to keep up the faith myself. Every little cramp sends me into a panic though I think most of them are related to constipation at the moment. I am starting to feel quite miserable with sickness and am already counting down to the time it should go away. With DS I felt fairly good by 10 weeks so hopefully not much longer.


----------



## Starry Night

Just curious as to how everyone is doing.

Not much to report here. I had a bit of brown-tinged cm so getting a bit anxious. I have a scan on the 15th so will wait until then unless I get more serious symptoms.


----------



## Carybear

Trying to stay positive... AF was strange, started, stopped, started, stopped for about four days. Was heavy Saturday then light Sunday, nothing Sunday night, light Monday, nothing Monday night and stayed that way until Wednesday...

Wednesday was only when I wiped.

Started temping on Tuesday so I guess we will see how that goes...


----------



## Starry Night

Good luck with charting, Cary. I hope your next cycle is more normal and you can catch that egg.


----------



## RedWylder

Cary, you should link your chart in your signature so we can see your progress. I charted for a full year and I feel pretty comfortable in giving advice if you need any.


----------



## Topanga053

I second Red. I was charting for almost a year and got a little obsessed (I know, you're all shocked, right??), so I'd be happy to weigh in if you have any questions or want another set of eyes.

In the meantime, everything crossed for you and Susie! You girls are wonderful. :hugs:


----------



## rayraykay

:hugs: to everyone :hugs:

xoxoxo


----------



## RedWylder

Ladies I'm thinking of you during this day. It's pregnancy loss and awareness month. Here is a beautiful article published in huffington post.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/kath...ther_b_4086227.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000009


----------



## Left wonderin

Its beautiful and brought tears to my eyes as I sit here and feel baby Bowe doing back flips xxxxxxxx


----------



## RedWylder

I bawled when I read it. The pain never really goes away.


----------



## Carybear

It has been a little while... I hope everyone is doing great. 

I placed a link to my chart if anyone wants to take a look. Truthfully, I have no idea what I am looking at


----------



## RedWylder

Well good news! You're ovulating. :) You'll begin to see trends the more months you do it. Have you done the FF charting course? It clears so much up. When is AF expected?


----------



## Topanga053

I agree with Red.. it looks like you ovulated on CD20. Yay!!! :happydance: And Red's right... the more you do it, the more you notice trends. After several months of charting, my cycle was so reliable that we stopped charting because I knew when I would ovulate every month, so we just timed BD around that. 

Fingers crossed for you!!!!


----------



## Left wonderin

Yup looks like you ov on cd 20 and now are 8dpo :) the two red lines that meet in the middle are called cross hairs, the show ovulation based on your temp rise . Ov is the day they meet in the middle . Over a couple of months you will see a trend . Looks like you have long cycles and ov later then the average cd 14 .


----------



## RedWylder

I ovulate consistently between day 21-22. Rarely did I ovulate outside of this zone even when I was on Clomid. The interesting thing about your chart is that you had EWCM sevearal days before ovulation and I'm betting that it started to lessen on the actual day. That's why BDing only according to EWCM is not reliable. I asked about your expected AF date to see roughly how long your Luteal Phase (time from ovulation to AF) would be. Since I ovulated late, my luteal phase was short and I worried this caused my infertility. I hope you do not have this problem.


----------



## Carybear

according to the chart i ov'd on day 20 which would give me a 9-10 day cycle...


----------



## RedWylder

Cary, if after a couple months you notice this is a trend then you should go see the doctor about it. Having a short luteal phase (luteal phase defect) could mean that you may be able to get fertilized but baby doesn't have enough time to implant correctly. The doctor will do progesterone levels and check that everything is hunky dory.


----------



## Left wonderin

I agree with Red , and Cary I think charting is going to help you towards your rainbow :)


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi Cary :) have not heard from you in a while . Thinking about you and hope your doing ok :) xxxxxxx


----------



## Carybear

thanks left... i'm still here... stalking everyone... been taking a break for awhile.. so happy to hear that everyone is doing great...


----------



## Left wonderin

Good to hear from you Cary :) how is your mum doing ?


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, I had a 9-11 day LP too and it a managed to work. So I agree it might be worth mentioning to your doctor if it keeps happening, but it doesn't mean you're out by any means!!!


----------



## Carybear

my mum is doing good.... still has a lot of pain where they did the double mastectomy and removed 19 lymph nodes... They are watching another spot on her lung but right now the news is good... Glad to have her back close to her old self


----------



## Left wonderin

Hi guys :) how is everyone doing ? Any one started their Christmas shopping yet ? Only realised its only 6 weeks away !! I better get a move on !


----------



## Starry Night

Cary - I'm glad to hear your mother is starting to do better. Hope she continues to heal and can put her battle with cancer behind her forever.

We have done a teeny bit of Christmas shopping. I've picked some stuff up for the nieces and nephews but nothing else yet. I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas mindset. I'm not ready to think of baking and decorating and shopping...it all just makes me feel tired and dizzy.

One more week until my final loss milestone. I'm becoming a bit of a wreck. I also have an angel due date coming at the beginning of December.


----------



## Carybear

yeah, she has tests and scans for the next three days... We are praying for everything o turn out great... Tomorrow it will be one year since my mc... I knoe I've healed, but it's still a little sad... It was about 2 am when i knew i couldn't keep bleeding the way that I was and headed to the ER... I was filling a pad about every 20 minutes...

I watched an interview with Colton Burpo... the kid who went to heaven... and he was talking about the sister who kept hugging him. Apparently his mom had had a mc between his sister and him. Anyway, according to what he saw children grow in heaven until they reach their prime age. don't know if you all believe or not, but I do.

My little boy will celebrate his first birthday in heaven tomorrow.

On a positive note, I held the little baby that was born one day after what would have been my due date... Was good for me. Helped me to know that I am healed


----------



## Starry Night

Hope the tests come back all clear for your mom.

And I've read that book. I believe that too. So a Happy Birthday to your little baby in heaven. (I still mark my angels' birthdays too and feel I always will).


----------



## RedWylder

Cary I lost my first angel a year ago today as well. Take it easy today and set aside time to remember your lost one.


----------



## rayraykay

Cary I hope your mommys tests come back okay.
I am thinking of you and sending you love.

I also lost my angel almost a year ago.. (This weekend.) I will definitely be doing something in memory. Light a candle and say a prayer. I'm not sure yet. It's comforting to think that the little one is up in heaven growing. We will all meet our angels one day.


----------



## Carybear

I agree... One year today... 

Elias... With a tear in my eye I tell you that I love you. I loved you from the moment I saw that first pink line! You will always be my first baby! Happy Birthday Elias! I hope your smile is lighting up the heavens!


----------



## Starry Night

:hugs::hugs:

I think we all miscarried around the same time. It's been just over a week since the anniversary of my fall angel's departure for heaven. Though, for me, the due dates are always more painful as the years go by so that's when I celebrate their birthdays. I miscarried my spring angel just two days before my Fall Angel's due date so I cried more about my Fall Angel that week than the one I was in the process of losing.

December 8th is going to be a hard day as my latest angel should have been born then. And December 10th should have been my first baby's 3rd birthday. December 2nd marks the day I lost my son's twin. :cry: I don't like December. :nope: (good thing it all ends with Christmas)


----------



## Carybear

i understand... I've pretty much stopped everything. No temping, no OPK's, no trying around that time... We are resting in God's hands... My life is crazy busy right now and I think I might have come up with a business idea today that might just work out... 

You all mean so much to me, so I pretty much just get on to check up and make sure everyone is ok... Someday soon it will be my time... Until then, I'm living in the present


----------



## Topanga053

Cary, I admire you so much. I wish so badly I had been able to have an attitude like yours. I am so glad you're enjoying life as it is and you're always in my thoughts, even when I don't hear from you for awhile!


----------



## rayraykay

Cary you blow me away with how strong you are. I wish I had one ounce of your strength. It WILL be your time soon. Until then, you are doing exactly as you should, enjoying life in the present. I respect you so very much.

I hope everyone is doing well today! 

xoxoxo


----------



## Carybear

thanks ladies.. it's hard but it's life... and God is the biggest part of my life... He keeps me going... So happy that everyone is doing great... 

I'm taking two classes (120 hours) that my district told me I have to take and I have a total of 7 weeks to do it in. I'm half way there and I have three weeks left. Uggghhhh ... It is the biggest waste of time! So... each day I try to get one module done (along with grading, lesson plans, and the children's ministry - my second full time job  One module takes about 2-3 hours...

looking forward to december 6th... The courses end at noon on that day!


----------



## Starry Night

Sounds like you're very busy! I hope you ace your courses and can enjoy preparing for the holidays once they're over. 

I'm hoping my energy returns soon so I can start holiday baking. I'm not a big baker so I can only manage it by doing one batch of cookies a week so I need to start soon. Right now I can't really stand for very long and can't even prepare food. So frustrating.


----------



## Topanga053

OMG I can't wait for holiday baking!! For some reason, I've caught the Christmas bug really early this year and the holidays are all that I can think about!!!


----------



## Carybear

Just checking in to say hi... Things are going good here and I am getting some much needed rest this week. Not sure where I am in my cycle but trusting that we will welcome our family in God's time...

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone...


----------



## Starry Night

Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends. :) I've seen so many Black Friday commercials that I've been getting confused about when it actually is (Canadian stores offer Black Friday sales too so as to keep us from shopping too much south of the border, lol)


----------



## Carybear

lol... Last year Thanksgiving was a wek ago... Not sure why they changed it... Black Friday is this Friday and I plan to be at home away from the madness


----------



## Left wonderin

Is today thanksgiving ???? If it is hope everyone is having fun . Cary lovely to hear from you xxxx how are you keeping ????? How is your mum doing ?


----------



## Starry Night

I only do Black Friday shopping online. I'm not much for shopping and there is no way you will get me to the stores on Black Friday. I'd have to leave at 1am to get over the border, drive the 3 hours to the nearest town with a mall and then wait outside in the cold all for the privilege of being trampled. No thanks!


----------



## Carybear

I hear ya... we've got soome wonderful deals here, but I get a little tired of the hype... the stores are crowded and I have no desire to be there. People are so concerned with getting deals and shopping that around here no one seems to stop and thank God for all He has done. Our stores are open on Thanksgiving now and the deals start on that day... So sad....

Thanks for checking in... Gets a little lonely on this side...


----------



## rayraykay

Hi all :) I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your family & friends American girls!! I will also be skipping out on Black Friday.. It gets so crazy. Too crazy. My cousin & I will decorate my house for Christmas instead!!! 

Im always thinking of everyone on this board. I hope you are all doing well. Sending my love. xoxoxo


----------



## Starry Night

We started decorating a few days ago but dh has been sick so we haven't finished yet. We have the tree up along with the lights but we still need to hang the ornaments and put out a few more decorations. I don't have much yet but I add to my collection each year.

It's snowing pretty good today and it feels so Christmasy.


----------



## Left wonderin

Awh Cary I'm sad to hear you feel lonely xxxxx your right it has gone very quiet on this thread . Time to shake things up around here lol....... We need a little new blood to join in lol............ I for one won't be going anywhere !!! I'm here for the long haul lol


----------



## RedWylder

I don't know if it would help but we could always start a new thread that might encourage new blood to come and join in. This one is more intimidating because it has gotten so long.


----------



## Starry Night

That's true. And especially as most of us our well into our pregnancies. If I had had just had a m/c or had been TTCaL for awhile but had just joined the boards I would avoid a thread like this one.

I do try to keep as much of my detailed pregnancy updates in the 'graduates' thread but there's no real hiding that I am pregnant.


----------

