# Advice for my sister (one twin has died in the womb)



## bexibabes

My sister was told she was having twins at her last scan, one was measuring 9 weeks one was measuring 9 weeks 3 days, both had heartbeats. She went back for her 12 week NT scan today and the smaller twin had no heartbeat, she was told baby had died at 8 weeks... but it doesnt make sense as was measuring 9 weeks with a heartbeat. They were fraternal twins. She doesn't know how to feel right now, she wants to be happy for the healthy one but is heartbroken and confused about the angel one. She also has no idea what to expect, if she will bleed or anything? She has another scan next thurs to see if baby has absorbed or not. Has anyone had experience with this? Any advice i can give to her? xx


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## MrsC8776

I don't have any advice for your sister but I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry for her loss. :( Hopefully she is getting a lot of support right now.


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## amjon

The MFM told us VTS is common before 12 weeks. From what I understand the dead twin should reabsorb and just disappear and shouldn't effect the healthy twin.


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## want2bemommy

My only advice- don't remind her right now that "at least one is healthy"- she is grieving and knows that the other is ok, but is maybe worried something might happen to that one too. Just let her grieve &#55357;&#56869;


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## _Vicky_

Oh how awful!! The non surviving twin will be absorbed sweetie. This can happen up to 20 weeks gestation - big big hugs xxxx


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## katiekatie

So sorry to hear that, hugs for your sis xx


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## skyesmom

hey dear, as first, it is so nice of you that you take care of your sister :) and so so sorry for her loss.

this is called a Vanishing Twin syndrome and it happens quite often unfortunately, like 10% of all pregnancies start at twin ones, yet the twin rate is way below 10% of population, therefore the loss of one twin is unfortunately quite a common thing.

that said, the fact that is common doesn't take the grief away (in fact, everyone will pass away sooner or later, yet this fact doesn't change the thing that the loss of the ones we love is always always devastating).

in your sister's situation, of course it's normal to have all sorts of mixed feelings: happiness and gratitude that at least one baby is alive, and devastation and grief for the baby that has passed. 

having experienced a loss myself, what i can advise you is not to downplay her feelings of grief and loss, or expect they go away sooner just because she's still pregnant. also, it is possible that she will be very anxious until the end of her pregnancy and fear she might lose the other baby too - which is completely understandable - once you suffer a loss you lose the whole innocence of it.
losing an unborn baby is very similar to losing a living child - children, as any other people in your life, are not replaceable, and the fact that you had two and now you have one is absolutely NO consolation!

maybe she and her OH could seek a support group to help them cope. also, i would ask for any kind of explanation and question from the medical crew, ask for more follow ups on the ongoing pregnancy and so on... having an extra medical care may not be necessary physically wise, but having at least SOME reasons why this happened can help them have some closure. and when you lose a child, the closure is among the hardest things to find.

last but not the least, don't disregard her OH's feelings, grief and fears. he has lost a baby too, just as your sister did, and on top of all he is also watching her go through a hell. he also may feel lost, helpless, angry with himself for not being able to do anything to help her or to save the baby, and hide all these feelings from people around him, as he being a man is supposed to "stay strong" for the partner.

i hope your sister and her OH heal soon and that the remaining bean turns out to be a beautiful sticky one! i send massive :hugs: to you and your family.


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