# Hello ! A few questions ....



## lucy_smith

Hello :) 
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 years, we are 22 and 23 and are hopefully about to start building our own home. I have endometriosis, but don't know if it will affect my fertility. We have always said we want to adopt. Particularly adopt a child from a different ethnic background. We have hoping the build will take just over 1 year. 

I hear tht it takes in average 1.5 years or so to go through the whole process. Would you consider getting the ball rolling half way through the build? 

I'm in the uk so any advice from anyone would be much appreciated !


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## aimze

Hi Lucy....

First of all building a house and adopting are stressful things! They also need to check your home out so will need to see what it looks like which they can't do...

It's also not that easy to specify you would like an 'ethnic' child, yes there are lots of them and not parents frm the right background but you would need to show why you can reflect and assist them understanding their background....you've also got to bear in mind every time you leave the house and they 'look different' how they'll feel about this...

The uk process has recently changed, it takes 6months frm application to panel on average....we have just completed and been matched and upto now it has been only 7 months, we should have our baby home in may so under 1 year from attending the first open day to bringing home...

It might be worth while attending some open evenings to see what you like about local authorities or agencies, ask if you can apply and start stage one now and delay stage two whilst the house is being finished? It also looks good to attend open evenings in advance of applying so it shows you have had an interest for a while...

Building your house must be extreamly exciting  that would be great!!

Good luck 

X


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## lucy_smith

Thank you for your fat reply!!! 

1 year ? That's great !!! 
How do you find out about local agencies ? 

Also, what's you opinion on adoption and having biological children, we are concidering adoption first, and possibly try for our own later on. What's. Everyone's opinions ?


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## Lolly1985

Good advice from Aimze :D Also they may question why you want to adopt before pursuing your own fertility. Our social worker is very open minded but I've heard of others that would say you need to be over the idea of having a birth child before adopting. It's just something to think about. Also they may question your ages, not that I'm saying you're too young, I don't know your circumstances at all. But I speak from experience of a local authority having major issues with me and my fiancé being too young when we applied to them (a month off 27 and he was 30) I was furious but again, it's a consideration

Hope this doesn't come across as negative at all, it's just we have both been through the process and know the types of things social workers delve in to! Good luck and if you have any more questions ask away :)


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## Lolly1985

Haha, you replied as I was! Our social worker said why not try further treatment in the future, I think she's a rarity. If you look at my signature things have taken an unexpected turn and they wouldn't have been happy if it had all been planned this way. But it wasn't so I'm hoping all will be well. I can honestly hand on heart say we were over having a birth baby, it's funny how the world works. It's something you'll get questioned on definitely xx


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## lucy_smith

I'm glad you are bringing up the kind of things they will ask! It gives me a better idea of the process. 
What is involved in the process of adoption? 
What kind of things do they look for in a couple? 
I am worried that they will not be happy with our ages, but we have been in full time employment for 5 years , have savings, lived together for 3 and are getting our perminant home organised so we will see!


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## Lolly1985

They will ask about childhood, family, support network, local area, motivation to adopt, your relationship, personality, childcare experience, work, finances, what you would do post adoption in terms of work and childcare. They will need references from family/friends (we needed to provide 3 and one from my employer as I work with children), a criminal records check, a health and safety check for your home and a medical. It sounds a lot and it is, but if you have a good social worker like we do it won't feel so bad! xxx


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## lucy_smith

Thanks for your info, how far along are you guys with your adoption process? 
Is there anything that would put the adoption agency off a couple? I think the only thing they would question is our age, but I'm sure every couple thinks that.


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## Lolly1985

We have had our daughter home since September &#9829;&#9829;&#9829; Why not ring a few agencies or go to any upcoming open days and get a feel for what they think? I think age, reason for adopting over a biological child, your house situation and how you would promote the cultural identity of a child of a different ethnicity will be what they look at most. So talk to your partner and get some answers together before you're put on the spot xxx


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## aimze

Hi Lucy,

They will defnately question why adoption before biological, I've heard a lot of comments that social workers will question this a lot....can I be cheeky and ask why you want to adopt first? Don't answer if you don't want too 

Your age will also be questioned....we're mid 20's & considered young adopters,this was mentioned a lot for us...because we tried to conceive for 3 years prior to adoption & approached an agency (bt decided wasn't right just then) a year before actually applying it went in our favour...

How long ave you been thinking of adopting?

Personally this route for us has been amazing, an honestly even with 2 miscarriages, 3 iui & ivf I honestly wouldn't change that because I've learnt my husband is my total life partner, he's shown me how strong an solid we are...say we got pregnant within a month of trying I would question whether we would have grown into such a strong couple...but I am glad we tried for a biological child, again not to say like lolly a lovely surprise might pop up, but we aren't actively looking for that...



X


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## Lolly1985

Nope, we weren't either!! Haha! Aimze, your post about your husband is lovely and very true. Adoption can make or break you. If you come out the otherside stronger then you can do anything :D


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## lucy_smith

Reading your comments makes me believe that I may wait until the house it getting closer to the end. So then I will have a house for them to see. Do I'm all organised :) I will be a little older then too so hopefully it won't be too much of an issue ! We currently live in a flat, but it is not suitable to raise a child . 

Me and my bf discussed adoption about 2-3 years ago, when I first started getting investigations for my period pain. We discussed infertility and we decided we would adopt. Then when we thought about it, we would love to adopt even if we can have biological children 

I'm not going to lie my bf used to say he wanted kids but up until resently he put off discussing it properly but we now have set a date . We want to have them once we have a house to live in. 

I have always wanted to adopt, we want to give a child a chance to be part of a great family, give a child a chance that he or she may not have otherwise had. Does that make sence? 
It's great to hear from people who have gone or are going through the process !


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## aimze

The fact that you have discussed it and know there maybe fertility issues will go down better with a social worker....you do want to make sure your bf is 100% for adoption because they'll pull your relationship to bits an ive read a lot of people who get refused because their partner isn't in like they are..

I think you should defo research agencies/local authority tho an attend open days..we attended one and just had to start even though we originally said we'd pay off credit cards...

The new process has been fluid and quick!! We've felt we've learnt a lot within 6 months, about research and ourselves!!! 

What made you build a house? I thnk that must be amazing to know you created it...i love grand designs 

X


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## lucy_smith

My bf is defiantly more excited about adopting a child than he is about have biological children, he told his friends at the weekend that we plan to adopt :) 


Currently researching online at everything ! Just spent the day on google !! Lol we will definately have to go to an open day ! What exactly happens at these days? 

We live in the country side in a village and house prices are expensive! We wanted a house big enough to have a family in and this is the best way to get the space we would love! Unfortunately it isn't like grand designs, as we have a very strict budget !


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## Lolly1985

Ahh that's really sweet, I'm glad he's excited. At an open day they'll just talk about the process, the type of children needing adoption, after care packages and you'll have a chance to meet some of the social workers and ask any questions. You can get a feel for that agency and decide whether they feel like they may be right for you. There are local authorities and voluntary agencies. You can apply to your own or neighbouring authorities within a 50 mile radius xxx


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## aimze

Haha Lucy it's still amazing to think only you have ever lived in your house! I'm like that with a new loo seat ;-) haha!

Open evenings are usually a chat, informal, a DVD about the type of children...ours was anyway...you can ask then about the house situation, might be you start stage one & take a break till completed then start stage 2 when built  

Also, where you live now is it the same council as where you're moving to? They do local authority searches so that will delay things if moving councils x


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## lucy_smith

I'm building round the corner from where I live :) is there a list of agencies anywhere ? Can I ask who your agencies are ? And why you picked them ?


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## aimze

Just off google Hun, then attended a day an got a lovely feel from them...you can also check out their ofstead report too which might be handy! If you are seriously looking for a ethnic child search for agencies that specialise in different heritages

X


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## Lolly1985

We went with a voluntary agency that cover the north west but also enquired with two local authorities. We chose the voluntary agency because they solely deal with adoption and so timescales were quicker. Their post placement support is amazing and also as we live in a consortium area (where all agencies pool their children together) we would have access to the same children regardless of who we were approved with. Our daughters placing authority was one of the local authorities we had originally enquired with! xx


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