# More MIL woes - **No joke, even more!!!!** UPDATE



## aly888

Those of you who follow my journal may know I went to visit our reception venue today and took the future MIL with me. I swear to all the gods, she is lucky to still be alive!!!! Here's just a snippet of the things she came out with...

- (to the venue) Can we bring our own food to the reception!??!!
- (to me) Why would you want confetti?
- (to the venue) How long can we have the top table? At which point I 'reminde her she's not at the top table, to which she replied "well that's just a bit of an insult really" (she already knew parents aren't sitting at the top table!!)
- (to the venue) How much per head for evening food? Venue replies "depends what you have". She replies "well yes, but how much?". Venue "well what do you want?". Her "I don't know, how much is it!!!" :gun: We weren't going to have evening food anyway as its not in our budget :rolleyes:
- (to me) If we dont invite my brothers (OHs uncles) because I don't want them there can I give you a list of friends I'd like to invite instead?!???! 

Honestly, you would think this was her wedding or that she was paying for it or something!!! Wanting to invite her friends so she has someone to talk to! Not wanting to invite her brothers because she doesn't like them! Wanting to 'proof' my guest list so she can choose who she sits with (since she's not "allowed" at the top table!)

She drives me up the wall. She is relentless! She questions everything that we decide and turns her nose up at anything that's not "traditional"!! I asked for her brothers addresses about 8 months ago...and today she admitted she hasn't told me coz she doesn't want me to invite them! Surely that's not her decision?! Gah

[/rant]


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## Lauren25

Ohh my word your MIL sounds like a delight, I'm sure she gets worse and worse!
I am so thankful I don't have to deal with someone like that! I moan about people sticking their noses in but she sounds like she wants to take over!!


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## Mummy May

Okay I think I can officially stop complaining about people butting in. Though my MIL would probs ask questions if I took her to the venue too, but nothing as silly as those I would hope. I'm quite angry for you!! Tell her to piss off, she isn't inviting her friends as it isn't her wedding, its yours... and if she doesn't like the way you're doing it, she doesn't have to come :D hahaha xx


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## aly888

She's acting like she's hosting the whole bloomin' thing. Traditionally of course the parents (of the bride, might I add) would host the wedding. So invites would be from them, they'd pay for it all, they would invite a guest or two of their own. But she isn't hosting it, she isn't paying for it, and she certainly isn't inviting her own friends!!! If there are "spare seats", as she's calling them, then we would rather invite people who we've had to demote to evening only rather than invite people we don't even know. How insulting would that be to our friends and family who aren't getting a day invite??! She kept going on about there being no-one from their side there (OHs uncle and cousins from his Dads side live in Tasmania and she doesn't even want her brothers there!!) so wants to make up the numbers. 

I know I'm always going on about her :lol: imagine how my OH feels having to listen I me 24/7. Haha


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## Mummy May

I think I would have flattened her by now, so you're doing pretty well! ''spare seats'' I mean what the hell! Why would you fill them with her friends... though they aren't spare seats are they, they are seats that need paying for... again - not for her friends. She sounds like a dick head :rofl: xx


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## DonnaBallona

omg :shock: Aly you are a better woman than I- I would have opened a can of whoop ass by now!

I am having similar issues with my mother in law banging on about 'how she doesn't want to interfere, oh no-I definately don't want to interfere! BUT;

*can I invite my best friend and her husband
*can I colour coordinate with the bridesmaids
*can I come dress shopping
*can I come food tasting (at our expense may I add!)
not to mention she keeps banging on about how she 'definitely wants her brothers there' (as if I wouldn't invite them :dohh:) and 'you could get blessed in
a church if I talk to the priest....?'

we aren't getting married in a church as I'd feel a bit hypocritical....I'm not religious, my fiancée hasn't been for 10yrs+, and we've got 3 kids out of wedlock :lol: so no; we won't be getting blessed.

etc etc etc.

nope, not interfering at all... :dohh:


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## DonnaBallona

I should mention that I do really like my MIL normally-and when she first mentioned these things I didn't think twice about them!

but when they keep being sneaked into conversation (when we aren't even talking about the blasted wedding!) is when I start to get a bit irritated!!!! :dohh:


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## aly888

Ha, yes, we've had the "colour coordination" question too. But she's bought her dress now so that's sorted. Haha!
I know, why do they try and sneak it in? As if we won't notice and we'll 'accidentally' agree to whatever absurd request they are bleating on about :lol: I normally like my MIL. It's just whenever she gets an opinion on something she never lets it drop until everyone (gives in and) agrees with her!!

I'm not sure I've mentioned this before (actually I know I have. Lots :lol: ) but the is the same woman who tried to marry us off when I was 7 months pregnant so that she wouldn't have to tell people her son had a child before marriage! She went as far as calling the registry office, setting a date for us, booking her local village hall and choosing the white trouser suit that I could wear!! ALL AFTER we told her we weren't having the wedding before the baby :wacko: And yes, she started everything with "I don't want to tread on anyone's toes/you to think I'm taking over/to interfere" :lol:


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## aly888

Mummy May said:


> I think I would have flattened her by now, so you're doing pretty well! ''spare seats'' I mean what the hell! Why would you fill them with her friends... though they aren't spare seats are they, they are seats that need paying for... again - not for her friends. She sounds like a dick head :rofl: xx

I know right!! IF there are spare seats then WE will fill them with OUR friends :rolleyes: :rolleyes: She seems to think we've allocated the seating (ie, 25 for me and 25 for him!) and if we don't invite her brothers then she has spare seats for her friends. She's on another planet, I swear!! :lol:


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## Mummy May

Lol this is exactly why were not discussing any details of the wedding with anyone (literally lol) until weve decided what were having then no-one can say anything. Expecting MIL to want to colour match but I'm having a few colours so she can piss off unless she comes as a rainbow hahaha xxx


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## Zebra2023

I know the feeling, my MIL tried to plan my wedding for me, I like this, I like that, I don't like what you thought of. I don't like your flowers etc etc. Grrr! She isn't butting in anymore after I showed her this is my wedding and I do as I wish :haha:


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## aly888

I moaned to my dad and stepmum this evening :lol: they are inviting MIL and FIL over for dinner soon so my stepmum is going to subtly back me up. MIL is almost certainly going to bring up the top table thing again :dohh:


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## Zebra2023

aly888 said:


> I moaned to my dad and stepmum this evening :lol: they are inviting MIL and FIL over for dinner soon so my stepmum is going to subtly back me up. MIL is almost certainly going to bring up the top table thing again :dohh:

I sympathise with you, nice to have someone backing you up, her face will be a picture :thumbup:


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## Lauren25

:rofl: hahaha I love that your StepMum is going to back you up, I bet your MIL will expect to go and for your StepMum to Agree with her!


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## Mummy May

:rofl: I would love to be a fly on the wall at that dinner party lol! Why on earth does MIL think its her show to run?!?! lol! I had a funny thing with mine yesterday... but I will add it to my journal ;) xx


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## aly888

Went to MILs today for the first time since last week...hadn't been there for more than 10 minutes before the 'top table' conversation (aka, dictation) came up again...

This time it was "I've been looking forward to it all my life" and "he's my only child" and (the best one, in my opinion) "I've spent so much money on my outfit!!"

Then we 'discussed' the guest list again and she was flabbergasted that we were inviting OHs cousins (all of them, not just the ones she likes!). So to back up her argument she then went on to quiz my OH on the names of his cousins in the hope he wouldn't know them!! :dohh:

I can't be bothered with the arguments now. She will ruin my day if she doesn't get her own way so it's just not worth it :nope: I want to start looking at the seating plan tonight anyway. Stress!


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## Zebra2023

She sounds like a right nightmare! They never give up do they? Constant complains until they get their own way. I wouldn't put up with it, ask your partner to have a word, it is your wedding you do as you wish :flower:

My MIL is trying to cause trouble between myself and my partner (long story) basically she thinks she won't be getting an invite because of everything that has gone on. I don't want her there personally nor does my OH at the moment. 

Link to what she has done here - https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/girly-sanctuary/1398407-problems-oh-mother.html


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## DonnaBallona

Aly that woman needs taking down a peg or 7!!!!

I literally cannot BELIEVE her cheek!!


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## wishuwerehere

Wow, i'd have socked her one by now! If i were you i'd just say you're not willing to talk to her about the wedding anymore as she's clearly not listening to you!


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## lozzy21

She will only ruin you day if you let her. Tell her nicely but firmly that the guest list, top table and everything else are not up for discussion, when you want her opinion you will ask for it.


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## aly888

Might sit them all at the top table and then have me and OH in with the guests :rofl::rofl: I swear she thinks I'm doing it just to get at her. But honestly, all the parents were looking forward to it, just she is the only one having a moan about it!!!
But she is seriously stepping on my toes with the guest list thing. And I've made it more than clear that I'm not interested in her friends coming. She's already gone ahead and mentioned it to them!! But I refuse to be bullied into having people I don't even know at my wedding :wacko:

I feel like I can't say anything to her though. She's offered to do the flowers (although everything I come up with she turns up her nose at it!!!) and I don't want to be ungrateful, because I am really grateful, but if I tell her to eff off she'll think I'm being a brat!


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## Lauren25

:shock:
How on earth do you not say anything?!? This woman is unreal, I would deffo have to say something to her! My MIL has so far been no problem apart from when she told me she found a dress for herself and when I asked her what it was like she told me it was cream, I told her to stop there and hell no would she be wearing any kind of cream/white/ivory!! I do have a very tell it like it is relationship with MIL though :haha:

What does your OH say about it all ?


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## Mummy May

Yeah I would also have said something, or gotten OH to say something. It isn't her day and she needs to realise she doesn't get her say!! She is putting unneccessary pressure on you that tbh you just don't need, wedding planning can be quite stressful anyways, never mind with all her crap added in! You tell her that her friends AREN'T invited and show her the flowers YOU want, if she doesn't like it, or says anything, just tell her you can get them somewhere else if she doesn't want to do it! Honestly what a knob she sounds. I would have hit the roof by now! xx


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## aly888

I spoke to OH about it last night...convo went like this:

Me: 'I don't know how much more of your mum I can take in all this wedding stuff!'
Him: 'f*ck what my mum wants...we'll do what what ever we want!'

So yeah, I think he agrees with me :lol: I did have to explain what happened yesterday though because she only talks to me about it when he's out of the room!


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## Mummy May

Your OH sounds like mine :) Were not telling his Mum or Sisters or Auntie ANYTHING about our wedding, because they just can't keep their effin mouths shut and it winds me up! And he said its more fun not to tell them anything :rofl: its like I don't want everyone to know whats happening at my wedding day and what I have, before its even bloody been. Pfft in laws ehh!! xx


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## Lauren25

Atleast he agrees with you! Would he not say something to her ?
I'd say to her that its your way or she won't be involved at all!


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## Mummy May

Lauren25 said:


> I'd say to her that its your way or she won't be involved at all!

THIS!! I keep saying this to OH hahahaha! xx


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## aly888

But I can't coz of the flowers thing!! I can't be doing with having to think about and pay for flowers this late in the game :lol: which makes me sound like i'm just using her for the convenience!
I was too tired to do seating plan/guest lists last night, so gonna do it tonight instead :thumbup:


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## aly888

And I can't remember if I said yet or not, but she has given me her list of people she wants to invite to the meal part...it's 11 people over and beyond who we were/are going to invite! ELEVEN!!!! We're only having 50 people INCLUDING the bridal party. What makes her think she's entitled to 20% of the guest list for HER friends!!! :hissy::hissy: argh that's actually got me ragin again. I shouldn't have counted. Haha


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## Mummy May

No, just ring her and say sorry but we won't be inviting your 11 guests! Cheeky bitch! xx


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## Lauren25

Is she the type of person that if you did put your foot down a bit she would refuse to help you out with the flowers ?

And 11 guests is she having a laugh, my MIL tried making me invite her friend and her husband and I told her hell no :haha: but 11!!!!!!!


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## aly888

She would take it very personally and wouldn't let it drop. She wouldn't necessarily say she's not doing the flowers, but she would restrict how much she would be willing to spend on them, just to spite me!

Currently doing the seating plan...eek


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## lozzy21

Get her to pay and then tell her lol


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## aly888

Oh the flowers are another thing stressing me out. She just keeps faffing. I just want it done! I've got a feeling she thinks she's gonna have the final decision on those too :wacko:

I've just played around with top table arrangements...the only way she can be up there is if she is sat between my dad and my step dad. Which she will not like!!


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## MrsNuke

If your fiance is standing behind you and saying its your wedding, your day and what you want, stop trying to please her. Do the table top the way you've envisioned it, not the way she wants it. 

MIL thinking she's entitled to her own part of the guest list OMG I've been there and know exactly what you're going through. 
When DH and I were first discussing our wedding, we wanted small and were thinking about 50 people, when we did our guest list it was around 100 so double. MIL knew we wanted a small 50-person ceremony, but still gave us a list with over 10+ guests so same as yours 20% of our list. Then we'd left the guest list out by accident, mil saw it and said we needed to allow all the guests to bring +1 thereby increasing our list by about 25-30 and had the nerve to say that since my family was bigger she should get her additional guests to make it even....I couldn't believe it, and boy did DH hear about it later! In the end we decided to have a small ceremony with just our parents and a couple of our best friends in the backyard, it was beautiful!!! 

I'm not sure if you've already sent out the invitations or if you've given one to mil. If not don't until after the wedding. I read on another forum about the mil actually photocopying the invitations and sending them out to her guests, the poor bride ended up having 2 extra tables of guests because of this. Something to keep in mind since your mil has already told her 11 guests about your wedding.


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## aly888

Oh my goodness, that's shocking!! I don't think my MIL would have the nerve to photocopy our invites. If she did then she would be ejected from the wedding along with her guests!!

Funny though, the reason your MIL gave is very similar to my MILs reasoning. Because I have a big family she seems to think she needs more people on her side to "represent" for her and OH! :wacko: she's on another planet, I swear!!


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## VetaNova

I'm a big fan of saying "I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what we've decided." It works in just about every situation.

She wants to sit at the top table? I'm sorry you feel that way, but we've decided to have only XYZ people there.

She wants to invite additional guests? I'm sorry you feel that way, but our space and budget is limited and can't accommodate any extra guests.

It's plain English, it's polite and doesn't leave any room for argument. This is your wedding and your marriage. Honestly, from what I've seen my own mother do to my sisters in law, I highly suggest to set the boundaries now. Because this won't stop when the wedding is over.


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## aly888

Ok...I'm not sure I updated in this thread but we did the seating plan so MIL was on the top table (so already against what we wanted as we didn't want parents up there at all!!). We've gone for the traditional arrangement except where the MOH and Best Man would be we've got my Step mum and step dad. That's fine. So the layout from left to right is stepmum-FIL-mum-OH-ME-dad-MIL-stepdad

Today MIL drops in to see OH at work and low and behold brings up the top table thing AGAIN!!!! She doesn't know she's at the top table by this point. She's whining about being "stuck on a table with no-one she knows" so OH says to her "well it's either that or sit at the top table between Alys dad and stepdad" ....apparently her face dropped!!! So yes, now she wants to be sat at the top table but in a seat of her choice. FFS :gun::gun::gun:
I raged at OH when he told me. I'm sick to the back teeth of her not going with anything we want/decide!!!


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## aly888

And I'm so close to biting the bullet and going to a florist for our flowers!!!


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## Lauren25

You are kidding me :nope:
I think she's done way too much dictating now, does she actually think its her wedding and she gets to make all the choices :wacko:

Did your OH not say anything to her when she reacted the way she did?


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## mara16jade

Just tell her that its all getting too expensive and overwhelming and you and your OH are thinking of just eloping. :winkwink:


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## MrsNuke

aly888 said:


> Ok...I'm not sure I updated in this thread but we did the seating plan so MIL was on the top table (so already against what we wanted as we didn't want parents up there at all!!). We've gone for the traditional arrangement except where the MOH and Best Man would be we've got my Step mum and step dad. That's fine. So the layout from left to right is stepmum-FIL-mum-OH-ME-dad-MIL-stepdad
> 
> Today MIL drops in to see OH at work and low and behold brings up the top table thing AGAIN!!!! She doesn't know she's at the top table by this point. She's whining about being "stuck on a table with no-one she knows" so OH says to her "well it's either that or sit at the top table between Alys dad and stepdad" ....apparently her face dropped!!! So yes, now she wants to be sat at the top table but in a seat of her choice. FFS :gun::gun::gun:
> I raged at OH when he told me. I'm sick to the back teeth of her not going with anything we want/decide!!!

Wow she's getting her way and she's still not happy about it. It looks like you've strategically placed mil so she's not beside your DH. What if you switched your stepmum and mil thereby putting her at the end and even less important, but she'd be beside FIL, maybe FIL could help keep her in check. I definitely wouldn't put mil beside DH cause then she'll win, and it seems like you're already allowing her to get her way and call the shots. 

As for the flowers, you might want to consult and get pricing and maybe even book a tentative order just in case mil screws this up too. If you've got a backup plan and your bases covered if mil is trying to use the flowers to get her way and pulls the childish "I'm not sitting beside DH" so aly doesnt get her flowers, heck even if you put her beside your OH she'll still probably be pissed and think that she should be seated centre.

Btw has she pushed for her 11 guests anymore, or do you think she'll invite them and act surprised when they show up?


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## Mummy May

I would either be uninviting her or not having the wedding at this point. Honestly what a f**king stupid woman! What the hell is wrong with these people?!?! xx


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## VetaNova

I would seriously threaten to call the whole thing off and go to Vegas. Or just do it and tell her afterward. Way too much hassle over very small things from a very petty woman.

Is there any way to exclude her from the planning process?


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## Leesy

I'd sit her at a little table by her self right next to the exit!


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## Mummy May

Leesy said:


> I'd sit her at a little table by her self right next to the exit!

Or outside :rofl:


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## Lauren25

Mummy May said:


> Leesy said:
> 
> 
> I'd sit her at a little table by her self right next to the exit!
> 
> Or outside :rofl:Click to expand...

:haha: :rofl:


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## aly888

I give up. I had a rant at work and my entire office think she's a cheeky mare for asking for everything she's asked for so far!! The too suggested a table outside the door :haha: OH wants me, him and FIL to sit MIL down and tell her straight that she does as she's told. But I've got a feeling FIL will side with MIL 

I'm going to start looking at florists too. I don't want this left to last minute :nope:


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## Mummy May

Tbh I do think the only way this will get sorted is if you sit her down and tell her straight because she obviously thinks its acceptable to behave this way. She may sulk for a while but tough titties - its not her wedding and she's spoiling it for you! xx


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## Lauren25

I think as well telling her is the only way she might stop what she's doing!
Is she like this normally Aly or is it just since planning the wedding?

I'd deffo get something sorted with a florist too, then at least you know yourself it's sorted or you've got a back up plan!


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## aly888

Yeah this is just her and how she is. When we go over there I hate how my opinion counts for nothing when it comes to my daughter. MY daughter! But she treats her like she's hers and I'm just a babysitter :gun::gun:


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## 4magpies

She's a twat. If she gets bitchy on the day I'll sort her out down worry. 

Haha!

xxx


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## aly888

:kiss: 

If she's a twat on the day I'll be too busy to entertain her and her dramatics. She'll get a swift kick in the shins if she dare say anything critical :lol: xxx


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## Leesy

I don't know how you put up with it Aly. I am annoyed as MIL has invited a couple from Interstate - she keeps banging on about them being OH's god parents, they aren't... He hasn't seem them since he was 3 months old! If I get told one more time 'you have to invite .... as they are .... god parents, I'll scream! I heard you the first 5 f*%#^ing times and I have it in writing from your email!!!! I have no choice anyway as you've already so kindly invited them on our behalf!


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## aly888

Oh Leesy, I know how you feel. We've had to invite "aunt Margaret" even though A, she's not an aunt, B, OH has no idea who she is, and C, we would rather give the seat to someone we know and cherish!!! I don't have any advice in afraid :shrug:


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## Leesy

you poor thing! At least OH knows who these people are by name..! On your special day you just try to ignore her as much as you can!


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## Mummy May

I don't know how you stand her either, she would have ruined it for me already and I would be eloping! Keep strong Aly :) xx


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## aly888

I had a moan to my mum about it all today. My mum doesn't eveb want to be at the top table :rolleyes: I'm just going to tell MIL how it is. She wanted to sit at the top table to show off her outfit and that's what she's got. Apparently at my Step Sisters wedding her mum just sat wherever she wanted and really stressed her out. If my MIL tries that she'll be booted out the venue :lol:


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## Leesy

How's it going Aly? when is your wedding? Has Mil calmed down or is she still acting like a spoilt child??


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## aly888

Oh god, so much has happened since this thread :lol: Top table is resolved. Although she still isn't happy. Things have progressed to the guest list now and thats causing friction. Shock!!!


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## emyandpotato

God I know the feeling. Mine is acting like the whole wedding is such a terrible thing. I can't stand her. She told OH yesterday that I treat Rory like a fashion accessory.

What has happened since the last post? Do spill!


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## maryp0ppins

Omg what a crazy woman! I wont have any inlaws as OH mum passed away when he was a child and no dad in the picture. Unfortunately my mum seems to have lots of opinions on everything!


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## Mummy May

maryp0ppins said:


> Omg what a crazy woman! I wont have any inlaws as OH mum passed away when he was a child and no dad in the picture. Unfortunately my mum seems to have lots of opinions on everything!

Atleast as its only your own Mum you can tell her to button it haha xx


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## aly888

emyandpotato said:


> God I know the feeling. Mine is acting like the whole wedding is such a terrible thing. I can't stand her. She told OH yesterday that I treat Rory like a fashion accessory.
> 
> What has happened since the last post? Do spill!

Oh my gosh! Just seen this. I would FLIP if MIL said something like that to me :wacko:



Mummy May said:


> maryp0ppins said:
> 
> 
> Omg what a crazy woman! I wont have any inlaws as OH mum passed away when he was a child and no dad in the picture. Unfortunately my mum seems to have lots of opinions on everything!
> 
> Atleast as its only your own Mum you can tell her to button it haha xxClick to expand...

:lol: if it was my own mum I wouldn't have a problem telling her to butt out. In some ways I wish it was my mum. But my mum isn't mental!!!

Top Table: resolved - she's sat there. Not 100% decided how yet though. The whole thing came to raised voices one Sunday afternoon at their house. I literally had to walk out the room before I said something that I couldn't take back :lol:

Flowers: sorted - well I say 'sorted', I've just given up. I really don't care about flowers so if they look shit I'll just make sure everyone knows that MIL was responsible for them 

Guest list: can't remember what was said in here and what was in my journal, but this is sorted. They got 4 of the 11 people they wanted. We all had a get together at my dads house and MIL had the nerve to say she hasn't invited anyone, even though she's given me a list of people who she's verbally invited :dohh: But anyway, invites are gone and I'm saying nothing more about it to them!!

Latest one is flower girl (our daughter) and what she'll be carrying. I think I've learned from past experiences and I'm just going to avoid the situation. Haha!!


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