# Never thought I would say this...



## Amber4

I'm not sure I wanna be with my OH. He was great when baby was born (A mere 10 days ago) and now he cba. I had to beg him yesterday to take her out with him for a short walk and he still wouldn't. We TTC her too and it breaks my heart :( I love her so much. Why doesn't he? I do majority of the feeding and nappies. I dress her, bath her, do bottles and wash her clothes and he moans at me when I ask for help. Which I won't now :( tomorrow is my birthday and he arranged his Mum to come over (without asking me. I dont like her much) and I said she could stay till 5. As I wanna go out for a family meal (which she was invited too also) she said visiting was a waste of time if she had to leave then. Visiting your grand daughter all day is a waste of time? :( OH got annoyed with me when I said that and said he won't go now either. Plus he gonna take all the money from the bank so I can't go either :( what have I done that's so wrong? :cry: I don't get it.


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## daydreamerx

They both sound like arseholes to be honest, I know either of Finlays grandparents would love to spend any amount of time with him. I don't really know what to say though, he is out of order for taking the money though - its your birthday and not only that, you've just had a baby he should be smothering you with love:hugs:


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## xgem27x

Sorry to hear he is behaving like that, talk to him about how your feeling xx


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## Amber4

My Mum and stepdad visit 24/7 but his Mum and Dad don't give a crap. :( I really wanna go to my Mums but I feel stuck taking her away from him. I don't want anyone to think I'd use her as a weapon cos I never would. But I can't/won't leave her. I'm just stuck upstairs while he on xbox :(


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## Lilys mummy

That is horrible how he is treating you and baby ! He made her too so he should be more responsible and start helping you out more. His mum should be happy that she is seeing her grand-daughter, not moaning that theirs no point if she has to leave at five! He is taking all the money out the ank so you can't go for a family meal on your birthday ? Just because his mum can't go, that is spiteful !


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## Amber4

xgem27x said:


> Sorry to hear he is behaving like that, talk to him about how your feeling xx

I did... About 4 hours ago. He got upset and apologised. Things were fine for about 3 hours :( xx


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## leoniebabey

Oh :( :hugs: i don't know what to say that's so selfish he'd take all the money out.


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## jemmie1994

*sigh* men! they just don't understand, he acting very selfishly hun and no way you deserve be treated like that go to your mums and take Brooke with you, its not using her as a weapon its doing whats best for you and her if your unhappy she'll pick up on it.


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## Amber4

:( he sleeping downstairs tonight so he doesn't have to help do night feeds. :( I wanna cry for my little girl. She done nothing wrong xx


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## leoniebabey

Oh hun that's awful so sorry he's being like this i'd go to your mums for a few days it might shock him in to realizing that's he's being out of order and if not i'd be considering wether to stay with him or not.


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## Amber4

leoniebabey said:


> Oh hun that's awful so sorry he's being like this i'd go to your mums for a few days it might shock him in to realizing that's he's being out of order and if not i'd be considering wether to stay with him or not.

I think I might just do that tbh. I'm not sure how I feel anymore about him. Never thought he'd be like this in a million years. =/


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## leoniebabey

:hugs:


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## Elizax

He probably knows he has control over the situation and thinks you wouldn't dare leave with your daughter for a few days but do it, show him your serious and tell him you're not coming back till you both talk about it like adults and sort something out.

I know it sounds harsh but it sounds like he knows he's getting away with doing what he wants and making you feel like your in the wrong when you're *not*.
Tell him if he wants to see her while your at your mams he's more than welcome too or meet up with him somewhere, that way nobody can say that you're using LO against him.

If OH was like that I'd tell him to sling his hook, he needs to do his fatherly duties as well as bond and spend time with your daughter otherwise this is how it's always going to be :flow:

As for his parents it sounds like their attitude stinks as much as his, why wouldn't they want to spend a few hours with their grandaughter, sounds like they're spoilt and want everything their way exactly the same as your OH.


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## jemmie1994

Amber4 said:


> :( he sleeping downstairs tonight so he doesn't have to help do night feeds. :( I wanna cry for my little girl. She done nothing wrong xx

thats pathetic! dont let him get away with not doing his share he seriously needs a wake up call xx


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## trinaestella

Things change after having a baby :(


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## beanzz

:hugs: sorry he's being a jerk. I thought my OH was being pretty useless but for yours to sleep somewhere else just to avoid helping out :nope: I'd walk downstairs tonight when she's hungry or needs changing, wake him up as say "your turn" as you pass her to him. If he doesn't then as someone's said you need to go to your mums for a bit. 


I have to tell my OH to do things for Oakley but he tells me he's scared and that's why he doesn't want to do anything as he doesn't want to hurt him. Is there a possibility Damon could be scared too and just not showing it? Don't let him ruin your birthday, do what you wanna do and if he and his mum dont bother you know not to bother for their birthdays :hugs:


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## x__amour

He sounds awful. :nope:
I know he needs time to adjust but oof. Try talking to him, express your feelings. And happy birthday. :hugs:


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## Amber4

Little update - He came up to bed not long after I went up. He got up with her and did his turn. When we woke up this morning we ended up talking. I think his brother might of spoke to him (I speak to his brother for support) and told him how upset I was and planning to leave. He been trying to make it up to me all day. Breakfast in bed, birthday presents, doing my jobs around the house, watching baby and now were out having a meal. Things aren't okay and he knows he can't behave like that again or I will be gone. So see how things go...


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## beanzz

Hope he changes his act for good and this isn't a one off :flower:


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## Keera1Aiden2

That is aweful hun, don't have much advise as to what to do except the other girls are right when they say you are not using her as a weapon by leaving, it is much more beneficial to the baby to have 2 happy parents separate or just one if he wants nothing to do with her then to have 2 miserable parents together for the sake of her. At this point she would be happier if you are happier as you are the most important person in her life. :hugs:


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## abbSTAR

A lot of men find it hard to bond with newborns as they are fragile and can't do anything, as soon as she is more bouncy an starts babbling/sitting/walking/talking he will enjoy it more for sure! It a thing a lot of men find hard to begin with especially with their first. Give it time :hugs: but it's no excuse for him to treat you like he is! Hope things work out soon x


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## we can't wait

I'm glad he came around a bit. Babies are stressful and hard to adjust to for some people. It may just take a little time. You have to really commit to trying to make it work now that you have a LO to think about (he does, too!) I hope his changes are permanent!

Good luck. :hugs:


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## Amber4

Things have been good the last couple of days. Yesterday baby was crying and he couldn't settle her. He just wanted to cuddle her to sleep and she was playing up. So he gave her to me and said "she doesn't like me. Only settles when I feed her" made me quite sad :( but I tried to explain she's just used to my voice after I carried her for 9 months. I said he and her just need to bond more : flower:


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## AmberS

Same here. Except FOB is more interested in me then our son. Soooo, long story short - I'm not longer with him, made him move out. I told him that Drake isnt some toy you can play with whenever you feel like it. He lives the next street over and barely sees his son once a week. He's 23 and has never had a job/ sits around all day playing video games. I told him until he gets his prioritys straight, im not going to go out of my way and take time out of my day to take Drake over there to see him. He acts like its not a big deal.. But w/e. I've found that it is SO much easier doing everything myself instead of constantly having tension in the house and arguing all the time. Hope everything works out in the way that you want it to! :flower:


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## kittycat18

I am really sorry to hear what you are going through sweetheart :hugs: I can't imagine my OH acting like that but he was extremely selfish during my pregnancy. The best thing for you to do is to talk it through with him and for you to tell him exactly how you are feeling. If you speak to him and he is still acting extremely selfishly then you will know in your heart what is best for you and your LO. :hugs: xox


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## tasha41

I hope the change lasts. Maybe he just didn't realize what parenthood would really be like, with newborns it can feel neverending. It does suck about his parents though, unfortunately not all grandparents are super involved so I'm glad that yours are at least there and showing their support, interest and love :hugs:


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## Amber4

Thank you girls :hugs: Everything has been fab recently! We have our days (but who doesn't?) He's really stepped up and he's a great Daddy now and a great OH. Now he's more used to Brooke he seems a lot happier and he feels he can look after her without asking me what she needs ect. :flower: Still no improvement with OH Mum and Dad :shrug: tbh I give up with them even though I'm still pretty sad about the way they are with her. :( xx


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## cammy

glad to here things are good with you, was a little worrying reading your first post. I hope things continue to be this way. Honestly it reminds me alot of my OH and how I really wanted to leave but I'm glad I didn't, because he is back to being the man I knew.


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## Amber4

cammy said:


> glad to here things are good with you, was a little worrying reading your first post. I hope things continue to be this way. Honestly it reminds me alot of my OH and how I really wanted to leave but I'm glad I didn't, because he is back to being the man I knew.

Thank you lovely. :flow: I'm so glad your OH has gone back to how he was, and I hope it stays that way. I have read your posts before about him and it didn't sound good, but no one ever posts the good bits in their relationships, iykwim? So people only see the bad side when we are ranting etc. Do you know why your OH was acting the way he was? :hugs:


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## cammy

Amber4 said:


> cammy said:
> 
> 
> glad to here things are good with you, was a little worrying reading your first post. I hope things continue to be this way. Honestly it reminds me alot of my OH and how I really wanted to leave but I'm glad I didn't, because he is back to being the man I knew.
> 
> Thank you lovely. :flow: I'm so glad your OH has gone back to how he was, and I hope it stays that way. I have read your posts before about him and it didn't sound good, but no one ever posts the good bits in their relationships, iykwim? So people only see the bad side when we are ranting etc. Do you know why your OH was acting the way he was? :hugs:Click to expand...

I think it was just a lot all at once. We have always been soooo tight on money, which restricts us a lot. The fact that he went from a very low paying job to a job making 4 times the amount but he couldn't actually spend or save any of it for himself was a big depression point for him.
Alexander was also a very sick and colicy baby and he always thought the baby didn't like him and it was a hard job, he was a very demanding baby. 
All that mixed in with no sleep, car troubles ALL the time, living with me for the first time, having me and bub to care for, the fact that all our friends stopped talking to us and he could never go out. 

It was really just a huge mixture of things which we should have talked about along the way but instead bottled it all up for a good year. Until recently this year we had a HUGE talk and we really figured everything out. Sure it took alot of tears and harsh words, but we are happy now. And we have hardly fought at all this year. Big improvement. He is also super helpful with the baby now. 

I think having a baby, whether planned or unplanned, teen or mid30s, it is harder on the men.


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## LeahLou

sounds like he has postpartum depression... Guys get it too!
He may be jealous of all the attention your sweet girl gets as well as every gets done for her. Give it time and maybe talk to someone about it.


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## cammy

^WSS


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