# So upset, no one understands and I feel so horrible



## Ecologirl

I'm sitting here just balling my eyes out. Found out 3 hours ago that we're having a boy and to say I'm devastated would be an understatement. I had my heart set on a little girl even though I knew it probably wouldn't happen for me. I don't want to even really look on this website anymore. I don't want people to congratulate me, I don't want to see other people announcing they're team pink. I just feel so horrible and selfish and ungrateful. I thought DH was being supportive until I just rang him and I said I wish I could be happy and he said "yeah me too" in kind of a pissed off way. I just said I'd let him go and hung up. I feel so alone. I know I'm being so silly, I'm just absolutely devastated. I don't think I can bond with this baby. I texted a couple of close friends to tell them and I just had one write back saying at least I should be grateful I can have children (something I am aware of as my Mum had 9 MC's) and that how her friend had to terminate because of her baby having DS so I should count myself lucky. I know I am lucky and I know it's healthy and eveything's fine so I should be really grateful, but I just feel inconsolable. I don't know how I'm going to get excited. Yes I already have a girl, but she's 13 yrs old and it was a long time ago when I had her as a baby. Also I was in an abusive relationship and then left him when she was 6 months old. I feel I missed out on so much of the enjoyment because of his abuse and harrassment that didn't stop until years after I left him. This is DH and my last baby too. I really wanted one of each with him. I wouldn't change my little boy for the world, I love him so much, but I didn't want another boy. I know I took that chance when I got pregnant, I just didn't know I'd react so badly to this. What do I do? I don't want everyone to hate me and DH is already pissed off with me. I don't know what to do :cry:


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## Ecologirl

And he just rang me back and said if I couldn't get over it we'll get it terminated and try again. I told him that was the most horrible thing to say. I would not even consider that and I honestly don't think he would. I don't know why he would say something so horrible. Just makes me feel a million times worse now. I feel like they'd all just be better off if I wasn't around. I'm such a depressive horrible person. Just hate feeling like this and bring everyone down with me.


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## Adela Quested

I'm so sorry :( Please, give it time, and give yourself time. What your friends don't realise is that you are actually mourning the loss of your little dream girl. It doesn't mean that you aren't, or won't be, happy to have a healthy baby, it is just that right now you are focused on what you AREN'T having. You need to grieve that loss. It doesn't make you a bad person. It can be really, really hard on people. Be gentle with yourself :hugs:


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## Ecologirl

Adela Quested said:


> I'm so sorry :( Please, give it time, and give yourself time. What your friends don't realise is that you are actually mourning the loss of your little dream girl. It doesn't mean that you aren't, or won't be, happy to have a healthy baby, it is just that right now you are focused on what you AREN'T having. You need to grieve that loss. It doesn't make you a bad person. It can be really, really hard on people. Be gentle with yourself :hugs:

Thankyou for your reply and kind words. I think you hit the nail on the head. I do feel like I've lost something. I could picture her, I knew what she was going to look like and deep down I really did have a gut feeling it was a girl, just didn't want to get my hopes up. I've just had a visit from a friend who, while she hasn't any kids herself, her best friend went through a similar thing when she found out her baby was a boy. It was really nice having her here and to be honest we ended up talking about other non-baby things so got my mind off it for a bit. Just still angry at my DH for saying that horrible thing before. I just wish people would realize too that I am happy it's a healthy baby. Thanks again though, at least I know there are some people on here that understand, xo :hugs:


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## Rosie.no1

Hi there,

I joined this group because I thought from your post in the 2nd tri that you were hoping got a girl.. And I didn't want to congratulate you there when you would be clearly upset..

I'm so sorry.. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting something and then having to come to terms with not having it. It's very upsetting.. No one can really say from a scan pic.

Your oh doesn't understand. He doesn't get why you're feeling this way, but he obviously didn't want a girl the same way you did.. You need to come to terms with this, and he needs to understand how you had this dream of a little girl and how that's sadly not the case..

I know you can't see it now, but your boys will be wonderful friends. They'll be close and keep each other entertained, making it easier on you (or at least that's the idea!) kick around a football for hours in the garden!

Just talk to your oh, explain to him that you need his support and you need him to try to understand but that his comments were very hurtful.

I hope you're ok..

Ps, sorry for typos.. Using iPhone 

x


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## Ecologirl

Rosie.no1 said:


> Hi there,
> 
> I joined this group because I thought from your post in the 2nd tri that you were hoping got a girl.. And I didn't want to congratulate you there when you would be clearly upset..
> 
> I'm so sorry.. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting something and then having to come to terms with not having it. It's very upsetting.. No one can really say from a scan pic.
> 
> Your oh doesn't understand. He doesn't get why you're feeling this way, but he obviously didn't want a girl the same way you did.. You need to come to terms with this, and he needs to understand how you had this dream of a little girl and how that's sadly not the case..
> 
> I know you can't see it now, but your boys will be wonderful friends. They'll be close and keep each other entertained, making it easier on you (or at least that's the idea!) kick around a football for hours in the garden!
> 
> Just talk to your oh, explain to him that you need his support and you need him to try to understand but that his comments were very hurtful.
> 
> I hope you're ok..
> 
> Ps, sorry for typos.. Using iPhone
> 
> x

Thanks Rosie. I've calmed down a fair bit tonight. DH came home with a bunch of flowers and we've had a big talk. He doesn't understand, he's trying to though. He's pretty sorry for what he said too and so he should be. I can see positives in it, just hard. I was scrolling through Facebook before and my friend who's just had a baby girl had photos of her on there. I didn't want to look and that made me feel really bad. Might just need to take a break from things like that for a bit. Thanks for understanding though, it's nice to have people to talk to who aren't judgemental and who aren't going to tell you the things you already know. Thankyou, xo


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## b4baby

I know exactly how you feel although I am the complete opposite. I have dreamt of having a little boy and now told it is a girl. Don't get me wrong, I want a girl but after the boy. I think I had my heart set on the fact baby was a boy that I never even considered having a girl. And now when people find out what we are having the look sooooo excited and TELL me how happy I must be. Don't get me wrong I am happy I am having a healthy baby but also sad that is is not the boy I always thought of. I think it is hard for people to understand our situation until they are in it. 
This happened to me a few days ago now and althought I do still fell a little sad I am trying to remind myself the good things about girls etc. Also I think one of the worst parts for me now is the guilt that I am feeling knowing that I have been calling my baby a boy for 20 weeks and then crying that it was a girl. 
i think it will just take time and we will get through it and when the baby is finally here we will not have wished for anything else!
Bx


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## Ecologirl

b4baby said:


> I know exactly how you feel although I am the complete opposite. I have dreamt of having a little boy and now told it is a girl. Don't get me wrong, I want a girl but after the boy. I think I had my heart set on the fact baby was a boy that I never even considered having a girl. And now when people find out what we are having the look sooooo excited and TELL me how happy I must be. Don't get me wrong I am happy I am having a healthy baby but also sad that is is not the boy I always thought of. I think it is hard for people to understand our situation until they are in it.
> This happened to me a few days ago now and althought I do still fell a little sad I am trying to remind myself the good things about girls etc. Also I think one of the worst parts for me now is the guilt that I am feeling knowing that I have been calling my baby a boy for 20 weeks and then crying that it was a girl.
> i think it will just take time and we will get through it and when the baby is finally here we will not have wished for anything else!
> Bx

Yeah I think you're right. Time can do a lot and there's nothing like the moment they are born. It's funny how we're opposites. I've been looking and dreaming of all the little girl clothes I could buy. Now I see no point as I have everything I need. Still keeping a date I made with a girlfriend for tomorrow though. I warned her I may be a bit red/puffy eyed, but we'd planned to have a shop after I found out the sex. This will be a test for me. I'm going to force myself to get at least something for the baby. Still having trouble even saying 'him'. I know how guilty you feel. I guess there's only certain people who can get it. Maybe others can too, they just don't want to admit it. Oh well, I suppose whatever we're all having was meant to be and I hope you get your little boy next time, xo


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## elle1981

Hey honey... YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

I know exactly how you feel. I had my heart set on a girl, and the sonographer told me at 14wks hes sure its a boy. I am absolutely gutted! I have been the same, lurking on b&b 2nd tri, but I get so down and jealous with all the girl announcements and talk of girls. I am trying so hard to embrace my pregnancy still, but truth is I have lost my enthusiasm and cant even be bothered to look at prams clothes or nursery stuff!! I am trying to play down my depressed state about it to my oh, as he does understand but he also looks at it that its our baby made with love...and he's healthy which is the most important thing! All of which I agree with...and i have no doubt I will fall in love with him when he's here! I just dont feel the elation or excitement that I should!

We will both come round...I'm sure of it!! But it doesnt stop us feeling the way we do at the moment. With time we'll feel better!

If you ever want to talk you can always pm me! 

Elle xx


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## Ecologirl

Thanks Elle. I hope it gets easier for you too or better still you get some surprise news at your 20 wk scan. It's probably unlikely though I know. Our sonographer at our 12 wk said it could be another boy but not to quote him. I wish he'd never said anything. I am glad I know now though. Just feel similar to you in the way that I'm not really excited and I feel I haven't bonded with this baby. It's a horrible thing to feel, because we know it's not their fault and they're the innocent ones. I suppose it's not that we're disappointed to have them, just disappointed not to have that girl. DH said at least it wasn't twins when we came out as he was trying to cheer me up, but I was still crying saying well that would've given me more chance of having a girl. Anyway feel free to PM me too. We'll just need time to get our heads around it. I do hope it starts to get better soon though for us. I really want to be excited and happy a out this, xo


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## Mummy2B21

Hugs xx


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## Jeninpa

Awww, your DH was obviously just trying to make you feel worse with that comment :( I have a 17.5yr old boy, then 2 girls 13 & 16, then an 8.5yr old boy. I want a girl soooo bad & so does everyone else. I just keep trying to convince myself all the reasons I'd love another little boy hoping that in 6wks from now when I get my 3D ultrasound that if it is a boy I won't have the tears & disappointment. After being on Depo for 7yrs I am just lucky to be having a baby but it is hard when you have your heart set on one gender or the other. I am sure these feelings will vanish the second your baby is born, until then feel free to vent here where people won't judge you!


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## Ecologirl

Jeninpa said:


> Awww, your DH was obviously just trying to make you feel worse with that comment :( I have a 17.5yr old boy, then 2 girls 13 & 16, then an 8.5yr old boy. I want a girl soooo bad & so does everyone else. I just keep trying to convince myself all the reasons I'd love another little boy hoping that in 6wks from now when I get my 3D ultrasound that if it is a boy I won't have the tears & disappointment. After being on Depo for 7yrs I am just lucky to be having a baby but it is hard when you have your heart set on one gender or the other. I am sure these feelings will vanish the second your baby is born, until then feel free to vent here where people won't judge you!

Thanks, I am actually feeling better about it this week. Had a bit of time to get my head around it. Still find it hard to look at my friend's pics of her baby girl. Doesn't help either when you tell close friends and family the sex and you get that "oh well" response. I wish they'd sound a bit happier because it would help me. 

I have though been through all my son's things (makes it easier as he's only 2 and a half yrs). I've bought a couple of little outfits too, just trying to get excited. I can see the positives more easily now. Just think it's going to take some time getting used to.

I hope you get another little girl. I know what it's like to want another even if you have one already. If not though I hope you don't feel too disappointed. We can all vent to each other, xo


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## whatwillbe

I kind of understand how your feeling hun, im having my fourth baby, i have one girl who is the oldest and two boys, im really hoping for a girl too, dont get me wrong, boys are lovely! But mine are so boisterous im really wondering if i'd be able to cope with another, and i have kind of got in my head this baby's a girl too, been thinking of names , all the pink clothes ect, so if i find out this babe is a boy tbh i probly will feel a little dissapointment, of course i will love babe an be gratefull it's healthy, but same as you, im not planning on any more kids after this lo arrives, so would be so nice to have two of each, i think once the initial dissapointment has worn off a bit, you will start to feel excited again :hugs:


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## Ecologirl

Thanks, yeah I've been getting better about the idea, except for yesterday I had a complete meltdown. This was triggered by my daughter's friend who took it upon herself to announce the gender of my baby on my Facebook wall. And to make things worse she said, "wish it was a girl though". I was absolutely devastated. Went a bit crazy, smashed a plate, bashed the top of our expensive bin in, just completely lost the plot. People can be so insensitive and brain dead! 
Anyway hope you get your girl. It's really hard for a lot of outsiders to understand I think, how much this means to us. Oh well, wishing you lots of luck. Fingers crossed! xo


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## Adela Quested

Ecologirl said:


> Thanks, yeah I've been getting better about the idea, except for yesterday I had a complete meltdown. This was triggered by my daughter's friend who took it upon herself to announce the gender of my baby on my Facebook wall. And to make things worse she said, "wish it was a girl though".

That is completely unacceptable. I guess she's really young (at least I hope so?), her parents need to have a word with her.


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## Ecologirl

Adela Quested said:


> Ecologirl said:
> 
> 
> Thanks, yeah I've been getting better about the idea, except for yesterday I had a complete meltdown. This was triggered by my daughter's friend who took it upon herself to announce the gender of my baby on my Facebook wall. And to make things worse she said, "wish it was a girl though".
> 
> That is completely unacceptable. I guess she's really young (at least I hope so?), her parents need to have a word with her.Click to expand...

She's 13. Old enough to know better. I hope I do bump into her and her Mum at the shops or something during the holidays. Then I'll ask her how her smoking's going! :haha:


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## b4baby

Ecologirl said:


> She's 13. Old enough to know better. I hope I do bump into her and her Mum at the shops or something during the holidays. Then I'll ask her how her smoking's going! :haha:

Well you know what they say....if you can't beat them, join them :haha:

I find I am slowly getting better as time goes on. I am trying to find more reasons to be happy about having a girl and generally I do quite well. But like you sometimes I have meltdowns triggered off by something and then I feel like I am back to square one. 
Bx


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## hello_kitty

I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this. Before I found out the gender, I had an anxiety attack. DH and I both wanted our first born to be a boy. My heart was beating super fast on the day of the ultrasound. I also really hate how people look at you when they find out you have a gender preference. Especially those who had a gender preference themselves.


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## Ecologirl

hello_kitty said:


> I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this. Before I found out the gender, I had an anxiety attack. DH and I both wanted our first born to be a boy. My heart was beating super fast on the day of the ultrasound. I also really hate how people look at you when they find out you have a gender preference. Especially those who had a gender preference themselves.

It's a huge thing isn't it?! Obviously for some of us more than others, but still it's no reason to be judged. Did you end up getting your boy this time? I must admit I'm feeling a lot better about it now than I did. It's been over 3 weeks since I found out and I've just accepted it I think. Helps that LO is very active so that's nice. Only thing is the name I'm connecting to him with, my husband doesn't like. That's a real sore point at the moment. Anyway thanks for your reply and I hope you're ok too, xo


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## BeccaxBump

Hope you will get there eventually hun. I can totally understand how you feel though. I know if this baby is a boy I'll be devastated. I even said to my OH - we will try for another if this is a boy. It makes you feel guilty and kind of ashamed, but you just can't help it. It's an aching sensation in your heart an your head.
Here if you need a chat.
xoxox


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## ILoveYouZandT

First off :hugs:!! I know how you feel. I wasn't as bad off with my second son, I got over the fact pretty much instantly. I think that was mostly because I knew I could try one last time... And now, even though I don't know what it is I find myself crying randomly throughout the day. If I read through forums online about people and their daughters. Friends post those photo deals about "Why I love my daughter ect.." on facebook, looking through a box of stuff my mom gave me with dresses and girl things I've saved through my last two pregnancies. 

This whole gender deal consumes me everyday!!! I feel myself sinking into a depression and I'm only 5 weeks tomorrow!! No one really wants to talk to me, they tell me it's too early to worry about. But I knew last time I thought my son was a girl, and I was wrong. I felt at first this baby was a girl, and now I've convinced myself it is a boy because I know things never go the way I want them too. Nothing is ever in my favor, so why would this?! I feel like crap. Complete crap. I feel bad for this baby, because already I feel like it's being rejected by me based off it's gender and I know I'm not that type of person. :nope:

No one around me gets it, not a single person has gone through this. Announcing the pregnancy to everyone of course brought me the "I hope this ones your little girl" types of comments. One of my closest friends sisters messaged me and asked me how far along I was, then messaged back and said "Awww, 3 boys, you're brave ;)" obviously being a little bitch because she turned out to be pregnant too and was pissed I announced before her. But OUCH nonetheless :cry:

Another thing that really REALLY worries me is that if this baby is another boy... I will forever want to have another baby. And there is NO way my husband would go for another. Nor do I necessarily want another. But I know I will have permanent baby fever for the rest of my life and it scares the heck out of me. 

I just want my little girl, the little sister for my boys, and too be happy and content in my life.


Just don't listen to other people, unless they've gone through it they have no idea how you could feel, and it's not okay for them to judge you. :hugs:


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## Ecologirl

ILoveYouZandT said:


> First off :hugs:!! I know how you feel. I wasn't as bad off with my second son, I got over the fact pretty much instantly. I think that was mostly because I knew I could try one last time... And now, even though I don't know what it is I find myself crying randomly throughout the day. If I read through forums online about people and their daughters. Friends post those photo deals about "Why I love my daughter ect.." on facebook, looking through a box of stuff my mom gave me with dresses and girl things I've saved through my last two pregnancies.
> 
> This whole gender deal consumes me everyday!!! I feel myself sinking into a depression and I'm only 5 weeks tomorrow!! No one really wants to talk to me, they tell me it's too early to worry about. But I knew last time I thought my son was a girl, and I was wrong. I felt at first this baby was a girl, and now I've convinced myself it is a boy because I know things never go the way I want them too. Nothing is ever in my favor, so why would this?! I feel like crap. Complete crap. I feel bad for this baby, because already I feel like it's being rejected by me based off it's gender and I know I'm not that type of person. :nope:
> 
> No one around me gets it, not a single person has gone through this. Announcing the pregnancy to everyone of course brought me the "I hope this ones your little girl" types of comments. One of my closest friends sisters messaged me and asked me how far along I was, then messaged back and said "Awww, 3 boys, you're brave ;)" obviously being a little bitch because she turned out to be pregnant too and was pissed I announced before her. But OUCH nonetheless :cry:
> 
> Another thing that really REALLY worries me is that if this baby is another boy... I will forever want to have another baby. And there is NO way my husband would go for another. Nor do I necessarily want another. But I know I will have permanent baby fever for the rest of my life and it scares the heck out of me.
> 
> I just want my little girl, the little sister for my boys, and too be happy and content in my life.
> 
> 
> Just don't listen to other people, unless they've gone through it they have no idea how you could feel, and it's not okay for them to judge you. :hugs:


Thanks, yes I can understand how it consumes you. It was all I thought about since I got my BFP and I was obsessed, but didn't want to show it. It's so awful being so obsessed with it, would be lovely not to have that worry. I do know what you're going through, but I did get my girl a long time ago so at least I got that. Still doesn't make it easier, but I can imagine its worse for you. A good friend of mine ( due about 10 days before me) has just found out she's having her 3rd boy. She's devastated and now I'm counselling her. I think when it's your last it make sit even harder to digest. It's just not fair, but then again something good has to come out of it and the baby will still be wonderful and still be loved. Feel free to PM me anytime. Fingers crossed for you, but I don't even want to say maybe you'll be luckily this time. I know with me I was grasping at anything. Any hope that this one was a girl. Like you said I tried to convince myself too that it as a boy because things don't work out for me either, but deep down I honestly thought it was a girl. It's awful the let down you feel. I hope yours is the opposite. I can't even look at people's posts on here announcing they've got girls. There was one on this gender disappointment forum the oth day and I got angry thinking it wasn't the place someone should post that. Still in two minds about that. I'm not sure if it's fair or if it validates how seriously we feel about our disappointment when people announce on this particular forum. Anyway, like I said I'm here to chat if you need. Hope you can find something else though to think about for the next few weeks though, xo


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## detterose

Ecologirl, I wish I could hug you. Everything you've said so far describes how I've been feeling. Only difference is, this is my first baby and wasn't planned at that. So I really had my hopes set on a little baby girl as I know we won't be trying for a second for years to come, as this baby is pushing the financial limits for us as it is. 

The hardest part of learning to cope with it is that three other friends of mine who are currently pregnant are all having their little dream girls. Which makes shopping the most depressing thing in the world, as all I look at is the beautiful girls clothes I wished I was also getting to buy :nope:

From day dot I only ever had a girls name picked, we've never settled on a boys name and even now knowing it's a boy, still cannot choose, which makes it even harder to cope with. :cry:


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## Ecologirl

detterose said:


> Ecologirl, I wish I could hug you. Everything you've said so far describes how I've been feeling. Only difference is, this is my first baby and wasn't planned at that. So I really had my hopes set on a little baby girl as I know we won't be trying for a second for years to come, as this baby is pushing the financial limits for us as it is.
> 
> The hardest part of learning to cope with it is that three other friends of mine who are currently pregnant are all having their little dream girls. Which makes shopping the most depressing thing in the world, as all I look at is the beautiful girls clothes I wished I was also getting to buy :nope:
> 
> From day dot I only ever had a girls name picked, we've never settled on a boys name and even now knowing it's a boy, still cannot choose, which makes it even harder to cope with. :cry:

Yeah looking at girls things is very depressing. It's a hard thing to avoid really. I think I've trained myself to have my blinders up now if I'm out at the shops. I'm lucky though, most of the friends I do know that are pregnant now are having boys, except one. My best friend though back home is having her 5th child, another boy which she desperately wanted. I'm happy for her, but a very small part of me thinks it's unfair she got what she wanted and I missed out on the girl I so desperately wanted. I guess though there's things I have that maybe she wishes she did. Not that it matters, because then it starts to sound petty, but I guess I'm trying to work out why I've been dealt the cards I have been.

It does make it a lot harder not seeing that chance to have another one in the near future or at all. Must be even harder for those ladies with 3 or 4 of one sex, desperately wanting the other. Being your first all I can say though is the love you will feel for him when he's born and when you hold him will compare to nothing else. That moment you just can't describe in words. You'll love him so much and he'll become your world. I hope one day he gets a little sister, but until you can plan that etc, just enjoy your little man. It's hard when all you had in your head was girl things, girl names (that's still a really sore point for me), etc, but speaking as a mum of a boy who's two, I wouldn't trade him for the world. I never ever saw myself as a mum of a boy, and I'll soon have two of them, but my little one is honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me. I really shouldn't say that, cuz sounds like I'm playing favourites, or that I don't even love DH that much (of course I do), but this little boy of mine really is the love of my life. 

You'll get there, just give yourself time and don't feel guilty for wishing you had your girl. Just try and see the positives of your situation now if you can, xo

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## oliviarose

Dont't feel bad for being upset... I think most women out there have a preference to what gender they want their baby to be.... Some are just better at hiding it....

I am in a similar situation.... I am 15 weeks, so still don't know the gender.... I did want to find out at 16 weeks with a gender scan, but DH said that we have better things to spend our money on and he is true..... And I don't mean to sound awful, but I would feel like we wasted £55 if we get told a boy as I would be so upset...

As you can see I am desperate for a girl...... This is my last shot at it too, we won't be having anymore after this..... I am lucky in that I have one of each already... I was very lucky in that I got my girl first... I didn't think I would be lucky enough to get what I wanted, but I did and I was so happy :) With DS I wasn't too fussed about the sex, I was leaning more towards a girl but was happy enough with either... I was a little disappointed when they said boy, but I soon got over it.... It will be a totally different story this time though....... I will be gutted and it will take me a while to come round to the idea......

I have posted my 13 week scan pic on here and everyone bare two ladies have guessed boy.... I know it is only a guess, but I am trying to get my head around the idea of having a boy and boy is it pretty depressing.....

Don't get me wrong I love my little man to bits and he is such a loving boy.... But he is so much hard work, I don't think I have the energy to deal with that all over again.......


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## Ecologirl

oliviarose said:


> I have posted my 13 week scan pic on here and everyone bare two ladies have guessed boy.... I know it is only a guess, but I am trying to get my head around the idea of having a boy and boy is it pretty depressing.....
> 
> Might still be hope for you. I posted my 12 wk scan on here and I had many people say girl and one was so adamant about it I really believed her. Think that added to the disappointment, although not her fault. It's mine for believing it.
> 
> Your situation sounds a little similar to mine. I had girl, boy now boy again. Everyone thinks that because I have a girl already I should be happy and I am. I do count myself very lucky, but the thing is with that pregnancy and part of my life, I was in such a different situation. She's 13 now. The pregnancy was awful, sick all the way through, her Dad was abusive and I left him when she was 6 months old. I struggled to make ends meet financially her whole life with no help from him. I feel cheated that I didn't get to enjoy her as much as I should have. I had to work nights and weekends and go back to Uni to get a degree so I had a better job to support us. I couldn't go out and buy all the beautiful clothes because I just didn't have the money. Sounds so silly, but I wish I could've spoilt her more. She's my only girl now. Also I really wanted one of each with DH. I had my baby girl pictured so clearly in my head.
> 
> I don't know, we all have our reasons. Like you said, it's no reason to feel ashamed or guilty, xo


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## oliviarose

Just found your 12 week scan pic........ I am so sorry, that must of made it awful... If I had that many people saying what they said I would be convinced what they had said was true....

Similar to your situation...... My DD is 9 and I was very young when I had her and still lived at home with my parents.... I felt like I was never a proper mum to her in the beginning as my mum had a lot of imput in things..... She is very much a nans girl now too...... I really want that proper mum/daughter relationship........


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## Ecologirl

oliviarose said:


> Just found your 12 week scan pic........ I am so sorry, that must of made it awful... If I had that many people saying what they said I would be convinced what they had said was true....
> 
> Similar to your situation...... My DD is 9 and I was very young when I had her and still lived at home with my parents.... I felt like I was never a proper mum to her in the beginning as my mum had a lot of imput in things..... She is very much a nans girl now too...... I really want that proper mum/daughter relationship........

:hugs::hugs: Hard isn't it? Oh well, I'm wishing you get some happy 'pink' news, one of us has too, lol. Take care, feel free to PM me anytime if you're feeling down about it. Sounds like we have a bit in common, xo


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## bigmomma74

I also have the 12 week scan blues but for the opposite reason. All my guesses have been girl and I am desperate for a boy :cry: I don't even know for sure and I am already gutted. 
I know what you mean about no one understanding - everyone tells me I should be grateful for a healthy baby (and I am!) but I can't help the longing for a boy. I love my 4 girls to bits but knowing I won't be able to give my DH a son is killing me. I have zero enthusiasm for this baby - usually by now I've started buying but I just feel like I can't be bothered (which makes me feel like a terrible person)
I'm so glad there is this board with people who understand :hugs:


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## Ecologirl

bigmomma74 said:


> I also have the 12 week scan blues but for the opposite reason. All my guesses have been girl and I am desperate for a boy :cry: I don't even know for sure and I am already gutted.
> I know what you mean about no one understanding - everyone tells me I should be grateful for a healthy baby (and I am!) but I can't help the longing for a boy. I love my 4 girls to bits but knowing I won't be able to give my DH a son is killing me. I have zero enthusiasm for this baby - usually by now I've started buying but I just feel like I can't be bothered (which makes me feel like a terrible person)
> I'm so glad there is this board with people who understand :hugs:

Me too, it was the only place people actually got me. I must admit I went very quiet on B&B when I got my news, the only threads I could look at we're the gender disappointment ones. I'm slowly working my way back though. If you don't know 100% yet, don't give up completely. I know you need to prepare yourself though. Good luck, hope you get some wonderful news next scan, xo


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## MrsP2be

I know I haven't posted here before , but just wanted to send out a huge thank you and a massive hug to you all. The last few weeks have been tough after finding out the gender of my baby , and finding you all here has bought me some comfort in that I'm not alone.

It is so , so hard trying to explain my feelings to anyone , just knowing of the horrid looks and comments. The hardest part , was being referred to the local mental health team , who after an assessment told me that they couldn't help me and advised me if I needed help , I would have to find it myself and pay for it.

I have a wonderful fiancee , it hasn't been easy the last few weeks, but we are working through it. He told me how he feels about things , and we have been supportive of each other even though it's been tough.

I'm now starting to get excited about the arrival of our baby , I can now buy things for him , I can refer to him as him , he , our baby boy rathervthan "it" or " the baby" and more importantly , I can touch my ever growing tummy and talk to him.

I still yearn and think about my litle girl often. I know she's physically never been here and hope that one day , I shall be lucky enough to have her. In the meantime , I'll keep her in my heart x


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## AdriansMama

i have been REALLY ttc #2 for the past 4 months and i am not pregnant yet but i undertand what you're feeling. DH and i had our DS when we were 16. DS is now 3 and a half , DH and i have been married for a year, and are financially stable. since the wedding i have been off of my depo and we were kind of ttc (since DS came so easily we didnt think we would really have to try). As of the past 4 months we have been desperately ttc and i know that when we finally succeed i 100% want the baby to be a girl. every month AF comes i feel depressed for a few days ... i can just imagine how i would feel if i got my BFP and waited all those weeks just to find out it was another boy. i tried not to care about gender but i find myself only looking at girl things while shopping and saying things to DH like "oh i cant wait to buy this when we finally get our little girl!" my brain has made no room for the option of another boy ...its like its not even possible. it makes me feel like an aweful person and im not even preggo yet! i know that i wouldnt love a boy any less, its mostly because i spent my life from 12 -15 years old raising my 2 little brothers from the time they were 1 year and the other was a newborn, just to move out and get pregnant with another boy. i have already done the boy thing 3 times and im desperately wanting my little girl!! i have 4 neices and i love them to peices but its just not the same! i hope all of you waiting to find out will get what youre hoping for!!


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## MrsClark24

It's an awful feeling. I'm sorry for you, I hope that you get excited eventually!

I think what makes it harder is knowing that you're partner is down about it too. I"m the same, I wanted a boy and I'm having a girl, he already had 2 girls from a previous marriage and made me bones about wanting a boy. It's an awful thing to feel.

Hugs to you xxx


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## Ecologirl

Just thought I'd update seeing this thread's active again :flower:

I'm nearly 35 weeks now (team blue). It's been a very long road, but I am feeling better than I was when I found out the gender. I'm not wishing it was a girl anymore. I'd have still loved a girl, but I can see the positives in what I've got now. I still don't feel like I've bonded with the baby, but the pregnancy itself has been vile to me and we're still in a silent stand off over names so if these things weren't part of the picture I think it would be better. Just wanted to say though I've realised it's not the be all and end all. I think of how devastated I was to find out it was a boy, to now where I can look at boys things and sort out his room and think "that's actually really cute". I try not to look at girls' things in shops. No point making myself dwell on it. Maybe one day I'll get a pink one as a grandchild to buy for and help look after. In the meantime (well in a few years when kiddies are older) a female dog so I can use my name seems like a nice idea.

I hope the rest of you who are struggling with gender disappointment find ways to come to terms with things. It's awful having those feelings and knowing how ungrateful it seems. Although you know you're not ungrateful, it's hard to explain to other people who haven't experienced it. Good luck to everyone, at least we have each other to lean on here, xx


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