# looking for people to talk to about adoption



## heatherr

I know most people here are on the other side of things, but I'm wondering if there is anyone out there to talk to? I'm 17 years old and about 18 wks pregnant. I am thinking a lot about adoption, but still really unsure. I don't know a lot about it and have I just been trying to do my own research online. I can't find anywhere where I can talk to people who have been through it. I only found 1 site and you have to be 18. Is there anyone here who has strongly thought about or actually put their baby up for adoption? Is there anywhere people know that I can find others to talk to? I am meeting with an adoption counselor in a few weeks, but this is all I think about and would really like to talk to people now.


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## green turtle

I could give you perspective from that of an adoptive Mom if you like.....

I have three adopted children and have an open relationship with their biological mother and her family.


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## txbrwneyedgal

First of all, if you are really considering adoption I think you are a very brave young lady. There are so many people out there who could provide a wonderful life for your child, if you are not able to. 

I think adoption is a wonderful thing! My mother was adopted straight from the hospital.


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## shellbelln23

adoption is completely heroic. there are so many women who are unable to conceive and for them you are fullfilling a dream that they could not otherwise ever obtain. it can be stressful, the emotional roller coaster and conflicting feelings can be taxing but if in your heart and gut you feel it is what is best then it is a beautiful decision. is your family or the babies father supportive?


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## shellbelln23

feel free to ask my any questions, i have been on the other side, i am a hopeful adoptive parent but i have had six years of every aspect of the adoption process, foster care you name it. i have been through everything but actually becoming an adoptive parent but i am more than happy to offer all the advice i can, i can explain the entire process, the legal aspects, open vs closed, agency vs private. anything you ponder i will gladly give you the answers to the best of my ability :)


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## catsintardis

I think you are very brave. Talking from someone who is considering adoption there's many of us who would feel so blessed to raise your child if that's the decision you decide to make.


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## Shey

I had my daughter Abigail Rose on February 13,2015 via c-section. Me and my DF were both forced by family to give her up for adoption. We didn't want to, but his sister adopted her and as soon as she got her she changed and ended up changing our daughters whole name to Jamie Lynn. So now we are trying to get her back. A week after the adoption I was very depressed and crying none stop. She's gonna be 8 weeks and still there are days I cry cause I miss her and she should be with me and her father. So think very hard before you choose to do adoption, cause once it's done it's harder to undo it. My sister said I was brave to do it, but I'm not happy and all I do is think of my baby girl and I have a 6 yr old son that I need to care for but I can't think straight. So before you consider giving your baby up ask yourself this, Is giving my baby up for adoption really what I want? Am I gonna be depressed for doing it? Are the adoptive parents who they really seem to be or are they just in it for the money? cause the people that adopt babies end up getting 10k from the goverment for adopting. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, I just don't want you to end up being sad and depressed.


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## Axl2

You don't actually get money from the government. The government gives you your money back. My husband and I are adopting, because we can't have kids. We have to fork out $16k to do adoption. I know its hard for the adoptive parents, but its also hard for the people that can't have kids. And not all people who adopt kids are gonna change the adoption plan. I'm sorry for being mean. 

I do agree that if you don't feel its the right thing for you, you shouldn't do it. But you should do what is the right thing for the child.

I think that anyone that is willing to give up there child is special, brave, and self less.


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## AlanisMomo

Adoption is a good thing only AND ONLY IF the baby is adopted by parents living in the same country then later on, the adoptee can find and communicate with his biological parents without losing his roots, language, nationality and culture. Plus, it's easier for him to find them and he can visit them more often.


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## helloeveryone

AlanisMomo said:


> Adoption is a good thing only AND ONLY IF the baby is adopted by parents living in the same country then later on, the adoptee can find and communicate with his biological parents without losing his roots, language, nationality and culture. Plus, it's easier for him to find them and he can visit them more often.

I don't think you can say that only adoption is a good thing if and ONLY if the baby is adopted by parents living in the same country, I think that is wrong 
, surely taking a baby from a poor country where the child has no future no chance of a good job and bringing that baby to Britain or another good country can only be a good thing for that baby.


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## dreamofabean

As an adopter, I can say that adoption is beautiful. It has allowed me to become a parent and given my son a life he would never have had.
However, it's a situation where there is a lot of loss, on all parts. The bps lose their child, the adopter has lost the genetic child that they once longed for, and the adoptee has lost their biological parents. There are a lot of repercussions because of all of these things.
Our adoption is closed, we're in the uk and adopted from foster care. We never had the priviledge of meeting his birth family and that makes me feel sad. I often wonder what they are like, do their personalities match what we read in the reports? I certainly know that I see their faces in our son every single day. 
I know some adopters will just take the child and 'run.' However most feel so much empathy and gratitude towards the bps. Take a look at the adopters thread on here. I know that regardless of the reasons (and there were serious ones) that our son was removed, I feel for his bm especially. Every birthday and christmas I cry for the girl who carried our son but never took him home. It hurts that one day he will ask questions that I cannot answer, and may want to walk away from us to seek his Birth family. That's the reality of adoption though. Those losses are felt throughout, not just initially.
That said, I feel the luckiest woman alive to be E's mommy. To be the person he comes to for cuddles, kisses goodnight and tickles. Adoption made us all the people we are today x


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