# i really need to know if the sterotype of a teen mother has any truth to it



## mel.vivienne

Hi i'm a teenaged mum i fell pregnant at 15 and had my daughter Vivienne Rose (now 8 months) at 16. I get sterotyped as a promiscuous girl who never had a proper family or a father figure, who was friends with other promiscuous girls. I am from a good middle class working family, with married middle aged parents, none of my friends are promiscuous and i've only had sex with the one guy. I just really wanted to know if this sterotype is actually true, so to set the record striaght

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
did you have good parents yourself?
did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?


These sterotypes bother me because i'm faced with them everyday being a single teenaged mother and i really wanted to know if they are fair sterotypes or not?


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## stephx

LOL


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## xgem27x

:saywhat:


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## Rhio92

:saywhat:

What a load of crap. We really had babies so they government could give hus £50ish income support, £50ish tax credits, and £20 child benefit :roll:
Seriously... Come on.


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## mel.vivienne

the welfare is enough in Australia that people do live off it comfortably, the sterotype of having a baby to recieve the welfare payments may not be the same in other countries then


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## rainbows_x

I'm almost certain none of the girls here had babies for money, or because they had 'issues' with their fathers!

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? Me. I'm close with my father.

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? Er, no.

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? I had previos relationships, yes.

did you have good parents yourself? Yes, they are amazing.

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? Lol, no.


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## xgem27x

I'm sure there are some people stupid enough in this country that think "dahhh I will get pregnant, then I will get a house and lots of money, who wants to impregnate me... dahhhh you'll do!!" :haha: 

But that really is a small minority, because that is just a really silly plan, as it does not work like that, it is NOT that simple!!


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## Rhio92

yeah exactly... you can get government assistant, but you're not exactly rolling in it. I have enough to get by, and I have to save carefully. And that's still being at home with me mum.


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## mel.vivienne

mmm i agree that no one is really that stupid but i have met people where they wouldn't have been able to keep the baby without the assitance though, that was more the question i was asking, if their wasn't welfare support available to help young parents would that change some peoples decisions on wether or not to keep their baby once already pregnant?


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## v2007

mel.vivienne said:


> Hi i'm a teenaged mum i fell pregnant at 15 and had my daughter Vivienne Rose (now 8 months) at 16. I get sterotyped as a promiscuous girl who never had a proper family or a father figure, who was friends with other promiscuous girls. I am from a good middle class working family, with married middle aged parents, none of my friends are promiscuous and i've only had sex with the one guy. I just really wanted to know if this sterotype is actually true, so to set the record striaght
> 
> How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
> Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
> how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
> did you have good parents yourself?
> *did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?*
> 
> These sterotypes bother me because i'm faced with them everyday being a single teenaged mother and i really wanted to know if they are fair sterotypes or not?

:dohh:


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## xgem27x

Well if there wasn't the support, then no some of us couldnt of kept our LOs, it would of have to be adoption or abortion... but so many of our pregnancies were unplanned, and lot of the girls were on contraception when they fell pregnant, it just failed them, so itsnot their fault they got pregnant xx


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## v2007

Very judgemental comment if you ask me. 

I was a teen Mum, had my 1st at 17 and the money aspect never entered my head, what did enter my head was ''Is my Mum gonna kill me''


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## Rhio92

mel.vivienne said:


> mmm i agree that no one is really that stupid but i have met people where they wouldn't have been able to keep the baby without the assitance though, that was more the question i was asking, if their wasn't welfare support available to help young parents would that change some peoples decisions on wether or not to keep their baby once already pregnant?

Well obviously alot of us on here need the support of the government... But the way you phrased the question is very... erm... Not good. 
We're not allowed to talk about 'not keeping' baby (except giving it up for adoption or for ethical reasons).


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## Rhio92

v2007 said:


> Very judgemental comment if you ask me.
> 
> I was a teen Mum, had my 1st at 17 and the money aspect never entered my head, what did enter my head was ''Is my Mum gonna kill me''

Ditto! My first thought was 'shiiiit. I'm going to be grounded forever' :dohh:


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## v2007

Rhio92 said:


> v2007 said:
> 
> 
> Very judgemental comment if you ask me.
> 
> I was a teen Mum, had my 1st at 17 and the money aspect never entered my head, what did enter my head was ''Is my Mum gonna kill me''
> 
> Ditto! My first thought was 'shiiiit. I'm going to be grounded forever' :dohh:Click to expand...

Oh i remember it well. 

I am now 29 and still get sweaty hands when i think back to to telling her :rofl:

V xxx


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## xgem27x

I think supporting families who fall pregnant or some people who make mistakes and are silly, ie dont use condoms thinking they will be fine, and then end up pregnant, is better than not supporting them, so there are more abortions in this world

The thing is they, dont support you easily, its hard work to get the benefits and support, so that people dont just abuse it x


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## Rhio92

xgem27x said:


> I think supporting families who fall pregnant or some people who make mistakes and are silly, ie dont use condoms thinking they will be fine, and then end up pregnant, is better than not supporting them, so there are more abortions in this world
> 
> The thing is they, dont support you easily, its hard work to get the benefits and support, so that people dont just abuse it x

Ooo God yeah, the amount of evidence and proof of pregnancy, midwife sigs, health visitor forms, etc you need... You have to be pretty genius to mess the system :haha:


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## xgem27x

I had to show scan pics and get a doctor to write me a note saying "SHE IS HAVING TWINS" becasue they didnt believe me because my "bump was too small" :haha:

I was homeless when my boys were born haha!! I discharged myself from hospital early, and moved house the day after they were born!! :dohh:

REALLY IS NOT EASY!!


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## v2007

mel.vivienne said:


> *the welfare is enough in Australia that people do live off it comfortably,* the sterotype of having a baby to recieve the welfare payments may not be the same in other countries then


Last time i checked, the welfare system was there to help people who are struggling not a career :wacko:


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## xgem27x

And I didnt recieve any tax credits until the twins were 7 months old, or child benefit til they were 11 months old!! :haha:

Ahhhh the days of living off 10p noodles!!


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## Rhio92

xgem27x said:


> I had to show scan pics and get a doctor to write me a note saying "SHE IS HAVING TWINS" becasue they didnt believe me because my "bump was too small" :haha:
> 
> I was homeless when my boys were born haha!! I discharged myself from hospital early, and moved house the day after they were born!! :dohh:
> 
> REALLY IS NOT EASY!!

:shock: Woahhhh :/

So in kind of answer to teh question, when teens get pregnant, we don't get handed loads of money, a free house and loads of benefits to keep us going. That's the stereotype. Only idiots think stereotypes are facts.


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## v2007

xgem27x said:


> And I didnt recieve any tax credits until the twins were 7 months old, or child benefit til they were 11 months old!! :haha:
> 
> Ahhhh the days of living off 10p noodles!!

OMG, 11 months old. 

Did you get it backdated. 

They are meant to sort CB withing 4 weeks. 

V xxx


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## mel.vivienne

my questions could have been phrased better, they weren't intended to offend, its just because the few girls i know who had babies as teenagers wouldn't have been able to support their babies at all without welfare so that was obviously a factor in their choice and i wasn't sure if it was the same with alot of pregnant teenagers and even though it may be offensive most people assume that without the available welfare payments that their might be alot less teenagers getting pregnant or raising their babies and i just wanted to know if any of these sterotyped assumptions i hear alot of are actually the majority of cases or the minority


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## xgem27x

Haha I'm ok now, but it took a long time to sort everything out!

I was going into the council everyday saying "give us a house PLEAAASSEEE, I am going to give birth VERY VERY SOON!!" .... their response, well if you bid for houses blah blah blah... I only had 24 points to bid with because they fucked that up!!!

And we managed to find a private rent in the end, but we went in to get housing benefit, and I had literally been in their 2 days before pregnant, telling them to PLEASE HELP (which they didnt) ...and then 2 days later, went in, NOT pregnant, still had hospital tags and everything, waddling cos of stitches, went in and went... I'm homeless, and I have twins, can you help?! ...their response, "Oh we better get a hurry on, you should of had this sorted long ago, congratulations on your twins though!" 


THEY ARE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :gun:


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## mel.vivienne

Its sad i've met girls who have dropped put of school and had babies as teenagers with bfs with no job either and spent the rest of their lives living off the welfare instead of working, who give all teen mums a bad name :l


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## xgem27x

v2007 said:


> xgem27x said:
> 
> 
> And I didnt recieve any tax credits until the twins were 7 months old, or child benefit til they were 11 months old!! :haha:
> 
> Ahhhh the days of living off 10p noodles!!
> 
> OMG, 11 months old.
> 
> Did you get it backdated.
> 
> They are meant to sort CB withing 4 weeks.
> 
> V xxxClick to expand...

They cant sort CB without CTC apparently, which I know is bollocks! They never backdated CB, but they did back date CTC for 3 months, which meant £1500 in one go... felt good to get a big payout, but the hell we went through wasnt worth it, especially when we only gor 3 months, when we had missed out on 7 months!


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## danniemum2be

the last thing on my mind when i fell pregnant with LO was oh great i get a house and money!! 
My OH worked bloody hard to support us and thankfully we already had a house, but i know alot of girls that were in a worse situation than me. the money you get off the government is crap, and no girl in her right mind would do it for money, once youve paid bills, brought, nappies, wipes, clothes, food etc for LO, theres barely enough left to feed yourself! and its a damn struggle from day to day at times being a young mum. its not about the money, or the houses so i dont get why teenage mums have this stupid stereotype from the smallest minority. Most young mums want to better there life to be able to go out and earn a living, higher there education but sometimes its not that easy! and most of us didnt plan to have a baby so young, its just something that happens, and IMO its the best thing that ever happened to me no matter how hard it can be. you dont just get things handed to you on a plate when you fall pregnant, its a long process just to get some acomodation and half the time your given a pit to live in. yet theyre always bad mouthed, its not easy at all, your forced to grow up and miss out on alot. i think teen mums dont get enough credit for doing amazing jobs with bringing up their children, just forever being bad mouthed and stereotyped


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## xgem27x

With the job my OH has now, we wouldnt need any benefits if we only had one baby... but oh no it was TWINS!! :haha:


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## Kians_Mummy

mel.vivienne said:


> How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
> Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
> how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
> did you have good parents yourself?
> did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?
> 
> 
> These sterotypes bother me because i'm faced with them everyday being a single teenaged mother and i really wanted to know if they are fair sterotypes or not?

A1: My parents are not together they broke up when I was 9 years old, I saw my dad every weekend until one day when I was 14 years old I decided to move in with my father so yes I had a father figure and didn't not have issues with him so that statement is utter bollocks.

A2: Every little girl wants to have babies, since the day their parents buy them their first baby doll! When I realised I wanted babies at 16 years old was not because I saw other teens getting pregnant or having babies but because I helped raise my 2 younger siblings from being 16 years old and loved being around little children but I waited.

A3: I really do not understand what having sex with mutliple men has to do with having babies but anyways before have LO I had slept with 3 men.. I was in serious relationships with them too. First time was with my partner of 3 years, we were actually together for 2 years before I felt ready to lose my V, the second guy I was with 9 months and the 3rd on who happens to be my OH and FOB who I have been together with for 2 years.

A4: Yet again I don't understand what this has to do with being a teen parent but yes I have brilliant parents, they weren't perfect, they made mistakes, did things wrong but it made them bigger people for making those mistakes and learning from them, for that I look up to them for.

A5: What a load of utter bollocks! Me and OH TTC our baby because we loved each other, living together, engaged and OH was working at them time. Not once did I think about the money I could/would recieve. What I was thinking about was the love, care and attention I could give a child!

All those questions you asked yourself are rather judgement of teen parents.


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## mel.vivienne

they arent judgement, thats just the sterotype of a teen mother. Sometimes when i walk down the street people yell things such as "slut" and "whore". when i'm dressed in modest clothing and not doing anything to anyone, just because i'm with my baby and alotof people are shocked that i have a normal family and i wasn't raised by teenaged parents or off poor parents and things like that. I just wanted to know if any of this is the case with other teenaged mothers aside from a few that i know , none of these things are worth judging someone over and that isn't why i asked the question


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## xgem27x

Thought I might answer these, cos Im bored...

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? My dad left when I was 7, I have never seen or spoken to him since, apart from I emailed him when I had the twins

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? No, I miscarried later in a pregnancy, so had everything planned, bought things, felt like a mother already, then it was all taken away, so I felt like a mother without a baby

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? ive only slept with my OH

did you have good parents yourself? when my dad left it hit my older brother hard, so my mum spoiled him, he had thousands spent on him, sports clubs, school trips, tennis rackets, gym memberships, and she would drive him to all his tournaments, so i would get left at home on my own a lot, but I didnt mind, I like my own company lol, made me very independant, she would spoil me in a different way, i never got told off, she let me drink alcohol (just little alcopops like barcardi breezers) from the age of 7, wasnt fased when i started smoking at 9 yrs old, LOL that didnt last long, but I felt well cool at that age haha! but other than all that, she was OK, at least she stuck around, unlike my dad, she did everything for me and my brother DJ, fair enough the earnings werent spread evenly, but it didnt bother me, it was just the norm to me I spose :)

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? no, and to anyone who thinks its easy, go to the confessions thread and find my post about the hell i went through trying to get a house... will change your opinion ;)

Now you may think all this led to me being a teen mum, believe what you want lol, I personally dont think I subconciously got preggo because of the bad things that happend in my past :haha:


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## Kians_Mummy

Hmm I was raised by teenage parents but that has nothing to do with me TTC my LO at 18 years old and having him at 19 years old considering my mum TTC me at 16 years old and had me at 17 years old... Sometimes I don't actually believe this sterotyping or judging is going on because to be honest its a common thing these days to have a child in your teens and it's happened for many years well before we were even born ourselves.


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## Rhio92

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? My parents split when I was 12. My Dad stuck around, I even lived with him for a while. It's only very recently that he's stopped bothering.

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? No! How ridiculous. I always wanted children.

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? I slept with one other guy before FOB. Me and FOB were in a long relationship, although it was an abusive one.

did you have good parents yourself? They did their best. My mum has mental health issues, and she would often disappear after threatening suicide when I was younger. She still does this today. My dad was weak with her, he never stopped her or kept me or my brother away from what was happening. However, I was a daddy's girl, we had a very close relationship. We never wanted for anything, we had amazing christmases, holidays and stuff. 

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? No. Read my other posts. It's not all free houses and money.

As Gem said, my past or upbringing didn't make me have connor. I did. It was my present life (well, kind of past now), being in an abusive relationship and stuff. My parents had f all to do with it.


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## KaceysMummy

Obviously not a lot of teen parents can afford to support there babies alone without the government - we are teenagers and don't have the same amount of savings. 
A lot of teens don't even have a part time job while at school or college and have no income. That doesn't mean we shouldn't become mums. We can't plan our futures. 
My mum and dad are still together, my childhood and parents were great. Government assistance didn't even enter my mind tbh. I grew up in a catholic school, there was only 1 other pregnant girl the whole time I was at school, which didn't make me want a baby, I had other plans really... 
I was probably the last person people 'thought' would be a young mum - mainly as I was a goody two shoes at school :lol: - but it happened, and it can happen to *anyone*.
People are too quick to judge.


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## xgem27x

I think these stereotypes are soooo outdated!!

Yes there are some people that judge, people who cant move on from past stereotypes, just like there are still homophobes and racists out there, because years ago it was acceptable to be racist or homophobic, and now its not, but there are still people out there that are

Just like years ago teen parents was seen as scroungers and sluts, but in this day and age its more acceptable, but there are still some people who have that stereoype in their heads that we are scroungers and sluts


I hope that makes sence, I'm well tired and I blabber on alot haha! :haha:


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## DreamComeTrue

I understand why you've asked these questions :flower:, because i know for a fact people are quick to judge young mums (and dads) & some of those judgements are in your questions. 

I also know that there are young parents out there who have a baby or more because they know they will get help & benefits & they won't have to work for any of it & i believe that because some of them grew up without being able to go on holidays or have the nicest looking house then maybe they don't really think about those things for their own children. 

I'm not saying that they don't love their children but some of them are apart of that stereotype & maybe not have a wide veiw of how much they could do with their children if they did work hard. 

If all teenage mums were the best they could be & they all worked hard to look after their children then im sure this stereotype wouldn't exist anymore, im sure we have all seen programmes on tv that suggest this sterotype is still very real & gives us all a bad name. 


If you want to know about me: 
My parents have always been together they brought their own house before they had me & they were dissapointed to find out i was pregnant but they came around.
I had my daughter when i had just turned 19 (although i look alot younger) I have been with her dad for over 3 & a half years & he was the first guy id been with. We were on benefits while i was pregnant & that was a huge struggle, but now he works full time & has been for a while, we live with my parents which is sometimes really hard & we are on the council list for a flat, we have been on the waiting list for over a year. 

I look after my daughter full time but i finished college when i was pregnant & next year i hope to work as a nursery nurse & my daughter will hopefully attend. 

being a mum is difficult at any age but being a young mum is harder because of the stereotype, and i have seen young parents who definatly prove that stereotype. 


sorry its so long but i understand why she was asking those questions & wanted to say my opinion :wacko:


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## Bexxx

I'll answer your questions.

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? What do you mean by 'actually', like it just couldn't be possible...Yes, my parents are together and my dad is in my life.
Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?No, jesus. I had my place at university I wasn't really interested in babies. I couldn't care less if other girls had children. And tbh, I didn't see many...
how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?I've only had sex with my OH.
did you have good parents yourself?Yes. I'm also a great parent :D
did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?No, you don't exactly get much. My first thought was crap, I'm going to have to live in a council house, not yaaay council house!I've only got enough money to get by.
I think if there was no assistance, the amount of teens falling pregnant wouldn't change, just the rate of abandoned/adopted babies


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## youngmummy94

mel.vivienne said:


> the welfare is enough in Australia that people do live off it comfortably, the sterotype of having a baby to recieve the welfare payments may not be the same in other countries then

Woah, what?
I live in Australia and I don't think ANYONE could comfortably live off benefits! I receive benefits for living out of home and I can only just afford my groceries and board out of that amount! 
Also my parents aren't together anymore, neither are OH's, and he was the product of a teen pregnancy but that in no way made our decision any different.


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## vhal_x

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
- My mum and dad are still together, had me when they were in their late thirties (so older parents) after trying for years with no luck. OH's parents split up before he was born (his mum was 17 and his dad was 16 when he was born) his dad was back in his life for a few years then left again, and his stepdad (who he has always known as his real dad until he was told (at 16) that he wasn't, has been there since he was 3. His biological dad killed himself when OH was about 8 (not that OH knew).

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
- Ridiculous question, there were a lot of girls in my school having babies, but some were "accidents" and one or two were "so they could get a council house". We planned our LO because we were in love and felt ready to have a baby (although we did believe it would take longer to conceive than it did :haha:).

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
- My OH was my 2nd ever lover. My only previous one was my ex (whom I was with for 3 years) so in answer to the real question hidden behind this one. No, I was not a slag.

did you have good parents yourself?
- Yes, they were and still are, amazing parents. Fair enough, sometimes they annoy me, but who doesn't :haha:.

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?
- Again, ridiculous question. If the government hadn't given me anything, I'd have still had my son, I'd have gotten a job to provide for him (I was just finishing education when I fell pregnant so had no time to get a job by then LOL).


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## x__amour

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
My parents have almost been married for 30 years. Both are in my life.

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
We wanted a baby because we wanted to start our family.

How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
I've had sex with one person and vice versa for my OH.

Did you have good parents yourself?
They had their flaws but I won't complain. I'm not a serial killer or anything.

Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on whether or not to have a baby?
We don't really have benefits here.

I can promise you that no one here in Teen Parenting went, "OMG. LET'S HAVE A BABEH SO WE CAN LIVE OF ZE GOVERNMENT. WOOPWOOP." Some pregnancies are planned, some aren't. Contraception fails, accident happens. Here's the thing. Age doesn't matter. People of ALL ages claim benefits, NOT just teens. And you know what? What does it matter if they're claiming benefits? You know most of the girls that do are going to school? So that they can have a career? These are some of the hardest, more caring girls that I have ever met. Who gives a damn if they ACCEPT HELP. If we had benefits and I was entitled to them, I would accept them. In a heartbeat. And if someone told me I was mooching off the government or, "Oh. Typical teen mom!" They would get a nice punch in the face. 

If people are calling you a slut and a whore when you're walking down the street, maybe you should consider moving. Doesn't sound like a very nice place to me.

Also don't understand the "how many people have you slept with" question. What does it matter? (It doesn't.)


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## Rhio92

x__amour said:


> How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
> My parents have almost been married for 30 years. Both are in my life.
> 
> Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
> We wanted a baby because we wanted to start our family.
> 
> How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
> I've had sex with one person and vice versa for my OH.
> 
> Did you have good parents yourself?
> They had their flaws but I won't complain. I'm not a serial killer or anything.
> 
> Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on whether or not to have a baby?
> We don't really have benefits here.
> 
> I can promise you that no one here in Teen Parenting went,* "OMG. LET'S HAVE A BABEH SO WE CAN LIVE OF ZE GOVERNMENT. WOOPWOOP.*" Some pregnancies are planned, some aren't. Contraception fails, accident happens. Here's the thing. Age doesn't matter. People of ALL ages claim benefits, NOT just teens. And you know what? What does it matter if they're claiming benefits? You know most of the girls that do are going to school? So that they can have a career? These are some of the hardest, more caring girls that I have ever met. Who gives a damn if they ACCEPT HELP. If we had benefits and I was entitled to them, I would accept them. In a heartbeat. And if someone told me I was mooching off the government or, "Oh. Typical teen mom!" They would get a nice punch in the face.
> 
> Also, if people are calling you a slut and a whore when you're walking down the street, maybe you should consider moving. Doesn't sound like a very nice place to me.
> 
> Also don't understand the "how many people have you slept with" question. What does it matter? (It doesn't.)

:haha:

We're all shlags ftw.


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## xgem27x

If a young girl is silly, gets pregnant just to live off benefits, she will soon learn wont she..

She will realise its not so easy, and if she wants the best for her LO, she will do her best to get off benefits

Im on benefits, but I don't plan on being on them forever xx


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## QuintinsMommy

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
*my parents broke up when I was 2yrs old, my mom moved to her home town and my dad stayed in toronto (about 1hr and half away) he was always in my life and my mother remarried and I have a step dad, when people ask I say i have 2 dads*
Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
*no, I honestly thought teenaged parenting was disgusting and I thought everyone should just get abortions then it happened to me, and I cant believe how wrong i was, and i dont even like saying that i believed this*
how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
*me, I was always very smart tho, using protection, taking plan B , taking the pill before I got pregnant, but at the time I was doing alot of drugs because I wanted to be" young and do whatever i wanted" after a 3 year committed relationship
did you have good parents yourself?*
did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?
*No, I knew nothing about government assistance untill I gave birth now Im off of welfare*


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## amygwen

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? I have both and they have been married for 39 years in November.

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? No.

How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? Not me, I was only having sex with 1 at the time, my OH.

Did you have good parents yourself? Yes.

Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? No. And any woman in the USA that has a baby to get government assistance is weird, you don't get anything really.


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## QuintinsMommy

amygwen said:


> How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? I have both and they have been married for 39 years in November.
> 
> Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? No.
> 
> How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?* Not me, I was only having sex with 1 at the time, my OH*.
> 
> Did you have good parents yourself? Yes.
> 
> Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? *No. And any woman in the USA that has a baby to get government assistance is weird, you don't get anything really.*

now you are having sex with more then just your OH? :haha:

here in ontario canada, you get child tax credits which are 477 dollars for one child, and on welfare you get 922 dollars, its not that uncommon here, for a woman to have a child, stay on welfare then have another child before the one is school age (once your child is school age you have to get off welfare and work):dohh::dohh: i see this done more by weridos then teen parents.


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## Jemma0717

Ok WHY did so many people get so upset RIGHT away in this thread? Sadly, these stereotypes can be true and we need to remember we are on the internet--which means we are from ALL parts of the world and there are different stereotypes everywhere (and different beliefs). Lets not jump down each others throats. Where I LIVE<---yes where I live, people DO have children just for the welfare aspect and getting more money. Sad? I say VERY sad but what can we do? Anyways, I will answer these questions and I wasn't offended in any way because I know there are people out there like this and I know it's not me!

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
-I do not- My parents were not together and my dad has walked in and out a million times. 

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
-Not at all. I didn't WANT a baby at first but it happened and I LOVE it

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
I have had sex with a total of 3 guys and I was in a relationship with them when I had sex with them

did you have good parents yourself?
Good mom-yes Good dad- no

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?
Not at all- but when I had Landon, I did receive some help for the first year of his life. Wish I didn't have to but I had to raise my son and bring him to daycare (I got help with daycare and medical only)

:flower::flower:

ETA: Just noticed this is a new member. How sad..lets be a little more welcoming.


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## Becca xo

Posts like these never go down well but to answer your questions;

*How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?* _My dad buggered off out of my life before I was even born, I've never needed him as I have always had my mum, since the age of 2 I've seen him literately 20 times if that and I'm 19 now! Just because I haven't had my Dad in my life doesn't mean I've turned out bad._


*Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?* _No bloody way! I wasn't planning on getting pregnant at the age of 18, I had just finished a diploma and wanted to apply for a job in the travel and tourism industry, pregnancy and babies where not on my mind, I got caught out because I was on the pill and had medication which counteracted my pill (which I didn't get told until I discovered I was pregnant) I don't regret having my son but I didn't think I would be this young._

*How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?* _Yeah, I had sex with others before I met my OH but it doesn't make me a 'slag' 'slut' or 'promiscuous' I never had one night stands or flings, I was in a relationship with the others I have slept with._

*Did you have good parents yourself?* _I had the best Mum anyone could wish for, she made sure I was happy & healthy. She did it all on her own and I respect her for it! She was my Mum & Dad but she is also my best friend I can openly talk to her about anything, people say we are more like sisters than Mother & Daughter and I wouldn't have it any other way! My Grandparents where involved in my upbringing too. My own Grandad was more of a father figure to me than my own Dad & looking back I wouldn't of changed it for the world._

*Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?* _Did you just seriously ask this question!? No government assistance didn't influence my decision to have a baby! Anyone who has a baby for benefits is stupid! I had no idea we could claim anything apart from CB until my MW gave me a money and benefits book at my booking appointment I looked into it and I called up the places to see what we where entitled too as my OH has a stable well paid job. We where able to claim the standard CB which everyone is entitled too, TC as it is based on his earnings, HB (even though it works out at £5 a week) but every little helps & we where able to claim the £500 surestart maternity one off payment as I am under 21, nothing like this influenced my decision to have a baby though & it NEVER will in the future._


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## bumpy_j

I had a baby because I wanted to swap him for an iPhone but turns out it's harder than it looks, kinda lame now im all stuck with a baby, might try for a blackberry on gumtree but they're a bit rubbish compared IYKWIM


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## xgem27x

Might swap one of the twins for a new dress... at least I have a spare one! :haha:


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## danniemum2be

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? 
*Dad died when i was 8 but up till then they were married and happy*

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? *Not at all, wasnt planned, failed contraception. Had so much planned for my future.*

How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? *had slept with 3 men, all in long term relationships with and 1 being OH.*

Did you have good parents yourself? *Yes. they did the best they could under the circumstances. *

Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? _*No i didnt plan to have a baby, and when i found put although i was shocked i was over the moon, and money and government help was the furthest thing from my mind*_


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## amygwen

QuintinsMommy said:


> amygwen said:
> 
> 
> How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? I have both and they have been married for 39 years in November.
> 
> Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? No.
> 
> How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?* Not me, I was only having sex with 1 at the time, my OH*.
> 
> Did you have good parents yourself? Yes.
> 
> Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? *No. And any woman in the USA that has a baby to get government assistance is weird, you don't get anything really.*
> 
> now you are having sex with more then just your OH? :haha:
> 
> here in ontario canada, you get child tax credits which are 477 dollars for one child, and on welfare you get 922 dollars, its not that uncommon here, for a woman to have a child, stay on welfare then have another child before the one is school age (once your child is school age you have to get off welfare and work):dohh::dohh: i see this done more by weridos then teen parents.Click to expand...


LOL That sounded terrible!! I was trying to say I only had sex with him at that time but was having sex beforehand with other men! LOL. Weird. Omg, today is just not my day.

I see what you're saying, lucky about living in Canada ;) The only plus side financially to having a child is that when you get your taxes back, you get like a child care tax credit which is like $3500. That's a big bonus. I can't wait for tax season :happydance:


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## amygwen

I don't understand why this thread has turned upside down? Am I missing something??? LOL. :dohh:


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## QuintinsMommy

oh didnt say if my parents were good or not, lol my mom is my best friend in a motherly way :haha: cause she will still yell at me if im doing something she doesn't approve of
now that im a parent my relationship with my father has gone down hill, and my relationship with my step father has improved, :D


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## Natali

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? I was brought up in a single parent home, but it was my dad I had around .. I didn't have a mother figure

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? Definitely not, it wasn't planned

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? I had slept with a few people before FOB but never multiple men within days of eachother

did you have good parents yourself? my dad is amazing

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? definitely not


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## rileybaby

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? *no, my parents split when i was 4, i saw my dad a few times a week though.*

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? Definitely not, it wasn't planned*er no, i fell pregnant at 15 and didnt know anyone who was pregnant, or had a baby as a teen*

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? *nope just FOB
*
did you have good parents yourself? *my mum isnt easy, but dont know what id do without her

*did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? *no, i thought you get £80 a month CB and nothing else. I didnt claim CTC till riley was 6 months.. healthy start at 6 months and income support when he was 10 months*


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## AirForceWife7

x__amour said:


> How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?
> My parents have almost been married for 30 years. Both are in my life.
> 
> Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
> We wanted a baby because we wanted to start our family.
> 
> How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
> I've had sex with one person and vice versa for my OH.
> 
> Did you have good parents yourself?
> They had their flaws but I won't complain. I'm not a serial killer or anything.
> 
> Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on whether or not to have a baby?
> We don't really have benefits here.
> 
> I can promise you that no one here in Teen Parenting went, "OMG. LET'S HAVE A BABEH SO WE CAN LIVE OF ZE GOVERNMENT. WOOPWOOP." Some pregnancies are planned, some aren't. Contraception fails, accident happens. Here's the thing. Age doesn't matter. People of ALL ages claim benefits, NOT just teens. And you know what? What does it matter if they're claiming benefits? You know most of the girls that do are going to school? So that they can have a career? These are some of the hardest, more caring girls that I have ever met. Who gives a damn if they ACCEPT HELP. If we had benefits and I was entitled to them, I would accept them. In a heartbeat. And if someone told me I was mooching off the government or, "Oh. Typical teen mom!" They would get a nice punch in the face.
> 
> If people are calling you a slut and a whore when you're walking down the street, maybe you should consider moving. Doesn't sound like a very nice place to me.
> 
> Also don't understand the "how many people have you slept with" question. What does it matter? (It doesn't.)

BOOM. :headspin:


Couldn't agree more.


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## 10.11.12

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? 
My parents have been divorced since I was 10 but both remarried and remain friends, I never felt shortchanged by having divorced parents and both my dad and stepfather are father figures in my life. 

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? I honestly didn't know anyone my age who was pregnant/had a baby. I definitely didn't plan it for myself, I had huge plans for my future.

How many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? Two, but both were committed long term relationships. 

Did you have good parents yourself? Yes, they were always involved in my life and we (my parents, stepparents and my siblings and I) are a very tight knit family.

Did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? Umm no in the US and especially Rhode Island we have very few programs, you'd seriously have to cheat the system pretty well to get rich, I receive Medicare and minimal assistance for daycare. Definitely not getting rich.


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## Mii

*How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?* I do :) my parents have been together for 25+ years (Im not sure exactly how long but I know its over twenty years lol)

*Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?* When I was in highschool yes (because everyones eyes were on the 'pregnant girl' and I wanted that, I was litterally invisible to everyone except a few friends :/) but when I got out of highschool and didnt I wanted to go to college and move out... but guess what happened? lol

*how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?* I was only sleeping with one guy (who is now FOB to my son even though he is in NO way part of myles life.)(I was dating him before and during part of my pregnancy.)

*did you have good parents yourself?* YES! :) my parents are awesome, and so supportive but in a way that they dont do everything for me. (ie they dont buy stuff for me, but they do keep a roof over my head :) 

*did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?* I live in canada so I COULD get goverment assistance but I havent and dont plan too. I get enough in child benifits to pay for everything Myles needs and by the time I move out I will have gone to college, will have a steady job and an income :thumbup:


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## AndyyMay

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?

My Mum Had Me When She Was 17.
Me And My Mum moved To wales from england when I was 3 so I never knew really knew my father.
My Mum Gave Birth To My Brother When I Was Six with my Step dad,By the time I as 8 she was in and out,and wouldn't contact us for days.
Also To mention she'd run off with his card and take money.
2004,I was 11,She was meant to come over to have a proper christmas,Seeing as we hadn't had a christmas with her for a few years as she was always buggering off somewhere.
She basically left us with my step dad,Who gave us eeverything he could,considering he did't have to take us in he did.
All all he's ever done for me and my brother is give us everything he can.
I adore my Dad to pieces and everythings he's done.
Yes My and My Dad Did Have Issues,Buut I don't blame him for it atall,I was part to blame.

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?
Not Atall! I was Ready To Go To College In the September,I found Out About My Daughter In The August.
She has problems aswell that are under investigation as the doctors have no idea what is causing the problems.
It's Not Easy I can Tell you that.Having A child,that can't do the things she's meant to be doing,And you can see her getting furstrated by it.But I wouldn't change her for the world,I love her exactly as she is.And So Does By Boyfriend.
I'm in College And Just Want Whats Best For Her And Do everything I Can for her.

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?
None,I've Only Ever Had Sex With My Boyfriend.

did you have good parents yourself?
Don't get my wrong,I loved My mum She was lovely To Me,But The actions she done.Grrr Just...Blah.
My Step Dad,Yes He Is Definatly A Good Father.

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?
No way On Hell Did This Influence me.


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## alaskagrown

I think the statistics are against teens. 

Whether or not teens plan on getting pregnant to live off of government assistance or not, about 10 billion dollars is spent on assisting pregnant teenagers every year in America. California accounts for 1 billion dollars of that money alone. Many working people tend to resent pregnant teens because they are the ones footing the over the bill. 

Pregnant teens also are more likely to live in poverty than if they chose to wait longer to have a child. Their children are also more likely to live in poverty.

In the U.S., only 2/3 teenage mothers graduate from high school.

Teenage mothers are less likely to go to college. 

Children of teenage mothers are more likely to end up in prison than children of older parents. 

*I'm not accusing any single teen on here, but STATISTICALLY it looks grim. For every 1 teenage mother on this board who really hasn't fallen into this trap, I guarantee you there are probably 50 teenage mothers out there who have.*


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## mamacaro

Uhhh wow, umm, I don't get gov't assistance at all. I work my ass off while going to school to get where I am, even though I'm not well off at all and we're always struggling. But I didn't mean to get pregnant, I didn't even want kids. And yes, I had previous relationships where I did have sex. That doesn't mean I'm promiscuous.


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## lauram_92

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? ME!

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? Nope.

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? Me again :blush:

did you have good parents yourself? Yeah :)

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby? Nope the government is crap.

I love how everyone is getting worked up about this, when she's just asking a question. You should be happy your not in the stereotype rather than gurning.


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## aidensxmomma

alaskagrown said:


> I think the statistics are against teens.
> 
> Whether or not teens plan on getting pregnant to live off of government assistance or not, about 10 billion dollars is spent on assisting pregnant teenagers every year in America. California accounts for 1 billion dollars of that money alone. Many working people tend to resent pregnant teens because they are the ones footing the over the bill.
> 
> Pregnant teens also are more likely to live in poverty than if they chose to wait longer to have a child. Their children are also more likely to live in poverty.
> 
> In the U.S., only 2/3 teenage mothers graduate from high school.
> 
> Teenage mothers are less likely to go to college.
> 
> Children of teenage mothers are more likely to end up in prison than children of older parents.
> 
> *I'm not accusing any single teen on here, but STATISTICALLY it looks grim. For every 1 teenage mother on this board who really hasn't fallen into this trap, I guarantee you there are probably 50 teenage mothers out there who have.*

But I would also like to point out: How much money is spent each year for assistance to older mothers or families? Actually, what about single people that have assistance? On top of that, who says these teen mothers aren't working and paying into the government for the assistance they do actually receive?

Statistics are often biased and I think that needs to be taken into account. It's actually the same with divorce statistics...they are skewed because of the context in which they are presented. Also, results can be biased because of the organization that actually does the studies. It is not hard to manipulate numbers. And what statistics can't tell you is the context of their results, which is extremely important.

As for people getting upset at this post, I think it's because it comes off as judgmental and poorly worded, making it seem more offensive than based from curiosity. For example, some of the comments have been about if there wasn't any assistance available to teen mothers would they still choose to raise their children....but that as opposed to what? Getting an "a-word" or the child going into foster care? While those would be other options, neither is that great of an alternative. So I don't see what the advantage would be for teen mothers not to get any assistance. :shrug: And once again, you need to think about other people who get assistance as well. I mean, if a mother is raising her children alone after her cheating husband abandons them, should she get her children take away because she'll need assistance to help her out?

I would also like to point out that I don't think anyone could live off the assistance available in Wisconsin. For one, all the things I've found really aren't that much. For two, you can only be on them a limited time. So I don't know how anyone can live of them for an extended period of time. And I'm pretty sure it's a bitch to get on most of the programs anyway. I could be wrong, but from what I've seen it takes a lot of time and effort to get any significant assistance. 

Ok...I think I'm done now. I'm getting way too tired to continue writing.


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## mel.vivienne

Yes sorry it was badly worded and came off as semi rude, but only because the sterotype is poor and rude and that is what i was curious as to if it is really true or false with the majority of other teen parents. I recieve welfare i was not bagging anyone else for recieving welfare or suggesting that any of you may have gotten pregnant purely because you would rather live off welfare (and no i'm not suggesting you would be rich by doing that) rather then getting a job. I was just asking as to wether if you fell pregnant accidently or even on purpose did it effect your decisionon wether or not to keep or have the baby knowing that worst case senario you could always recieve some welfare to support yourself rather then being forced onto the streets or being extremely poor. I'm also sure that the people on this thread who had their babies on purpose and recieve welfare, did not get pregnant to recieve welfare payments but decided to have a child purely out of love of the child and desire to be a parent. The question i asked was did it effect your desicion on wether or not to have a baby knowing that you could recieve some small amount of benefits. NOT did you get pregnant to recieve benefits. Please do not abuse me for something i did not ask
And if this is poorly punctuated or spelt i'm sorry its very late


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## mel.vivienne

But thankyou all for the replies :)


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## lb

How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? My parents have been married for 21 years this year, and I'm very close with my dad.

Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? Definitely not. I had actually told myself I wouldn't have children until I was in my 20s and out of college, but a lot of good that did.

how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? I've slept with 3 men, and I was in long term relationships with each of them.

did you have good parents yourself? My parents are freaking awesome!

did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on whether or not to have a baby? I didn't know anything about govt assistance, and when I finally tried to get on WIC, I wasn't approved because of my dad's income. So Kayla and I are barely getting by, but I definitely don't regret my decision to raise her.


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## mayb_baby

*How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life?*
My mum left my dad when I was 3 but my stepdad (who is amazing and I class as my father) has been in my life from 4 to the present day

*Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies?*
No

*how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby?*
Have had sex with 2 people and both were relationships

*did you have good parents yourself?*
Dads a bum but mum and step dad are amazing 

*did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?*
No


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## bbyno1

I hate it when people ask if 'your parents still together' SO WHAT IF THEY ARE OR NOT. What has that got to do with us having kids young etc:dohh:


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## AriannasMama

All I get is medical insurance from the state, which isn't that good to begin with. :shrug: Either way, I've been working for 6, years, paying tax for 6 years, so surely I'm entitled to what I've been paying into, that's what it's there for after all, people who fall on hard times and need help. OH works close to full time but unless you're full time you can't get insurance, I work part time and am in school part time so I can't get it for her, and we don't have a socialized heath care system, so yeah, I needed assistance in that way.


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## Desi's_lost

aidensxmomma said:


> alaskagrown said:
> 
> 
> I think the statistics are against teens.
> 
> Whether or not teens plan on getting pregnant to live off of government assistance or not, about 10 billion dollars is spent on assisting pregnant teenagers every year in America. California accounts for 1 billion dollars of that money alone. Many working people tend to resent pregnant teens because they are the ones footing the over the bill.
> 
> Pregnant teens also are more likely to live in poverty than if they chose to wait longer to have a child. Their children are also more likely to live in poverty.
> 
> In the U.S., only 2/3 teenage mothers graduate from high school.
> 
> Teenage mothers are less likely to go to college.
> 
> Children of teenage mothers are more likely to end up in prison than children of older parents.
> 
> *I'm not accusing any single teen on here, but STATISTICALLY it looks grim. For every 1 teenage mother on this board who really hasn't fallen into this trap, I guarantee you there are probably 50 teenage mothers out there who have.*
> 
> But I would also like to point out: How much money is spent each year for assistance to older mothers or families? Actually, what about single people that have assistance? On top of that, who says these teen mothers aren't working and paying into the government for the assistance they do actually receive?
> 
> Statistics are often biased and I think that needs to be taken into account. It's actually the same with divorce statistics...they are skewed because of the context in which they are presented. Also, results can be biased because of the organization that actually does the studies. It is not hard to manipulate numbers. And what statistics can't tell you is the context of their results, which is extremely important.
> 
> As for people getting upset at this post, I think it's because it comes off as judgmental and poorly worded, making it seem more offensive than based from curiosity. For example, some of the comments have been about if there wasn't any assistance available to teen mothers would they still choose to raise their children....but that as opposed to what? Getting an "a-word" or the child going into foster care? While those would be other options, neither is that great of an alternative. So I don't see what the advantage would be for teen mothers not to get any assistance. :shrug: And once again, you need to think about other people who get assistance as well. I mean, if a mother is raising her children alone after her cheating husband abandons them, should she get her children take away because she'll need assistance to help her out?
> 
> I would also like to point out that I don't think anyone could live off the assistance available in Wisconsin. For one, all the things I've found really aren't that much. For two, you can only be on them a limited time. So I don't know how anyone can live of them for an extended period of time. And I'm pretty sure it's a bitch to get on most of the programs anyway. I could be wrong, but from what I've seen it takes a lot of time and effort to get any significant assistance.
> 
> Ok...I think I'm done now. I'm getting way too tired to continue writing.Click to expand...

When I was on WIC for a while when i was pregnant, I can tell you for certain I wasnt getting much. I got about 20 dollars for fresh fruit and veg a month...hmmm that goes far!
All I have from the state is insurance but i can give you a HUGE list of people on state who arent teen mothers. People who choose to rely on the system cause they are too lazy to actually bother working are a much bigger problem IMO. Specially my piece of s... uncle who's fighting the state for disability when all thats wrong with him is hes a lazy piece of trash thats abandoned raising his children and is hooked on pills. :dohh:


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## Nervousmomtob

I get $10 for fruits and vegs off wic a month and that's gone in the first week usually. I also get two other checks that have milk, cereal, etc and then a check for formula. The formula check helps A LOT! 

I fail to see why people ask if your parents are together? Because I cam honestly tell you my parents divorcing and my mom being a drunk at one point did not make my birth control fail! I mean seriously? Where do people come up with this crap? Lol


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## kattsmiles

*How many of you actually have together parents and a father in your life? *

My parents are not together but my father is in my life and I have a wonderful step mom. 

*Did you want to have a baby because you saw other teenaged girls having babies? *

No. 

*how many of you were actually having sex with multiple men before you had your baby? 
*
Nope. 

*did you have good parents yourself? *

Yes. Especially my wonderful mother. 

*did the ability to get government assistance influence your decision on wether or not to have a baby?*

Nope and I'm not on government assistance. I'd also like to point out many older women use the ability to get government assistance as a reason to pop out more kiddos like a pez dispenser. Nothing to do with teen moms, really. 

Meh.


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## annawrigley

These threads drain me, who cares if people stereotype you? You're kinda asking for it when you have a kid young. People will stereotype you allllllllll your life for one thing or another. I'm sure people judge me but I couldn't give a flying fuck, a stranger's opinion means nothing to me. And I got pregnant when I was 16 so I wasn't exactly expecting a good response, especially from strangers. WHO CARES :D IGNORE!!!!!!

And sorry but the questions are ridiculous. Whether our parents are together or how many people we've slept with is completely irrelevant to anything. And i doubt anyone's gonna say 'oh yuh I was sleeping around and got pregnant to whoever i could just to get money' :dohh: I'm sure there are people that do that, but... Not on here :shrug:


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