# Should I still marry him?? Help feeling so low



## xhannahxbanan

Right I know I shouldn't get so worked up about this cuss it not like he cheated but I feel so betrayed!! My fiance and I wnt out Thursday night but me with my friends and his with his work friends.

I had all these men coming onto me and my oh said he would meet me later that night... I kept textin him saying I needed his help and I wanted to go home bear in mind I waited to tell him thi till 1am

Well I kept calling him and he didn't answer till hour later and he said he was at this bar so I started walking down and to the bar and it was shut but the strip bar wasn't!! 

Now I obv went mad and rang him and said I didn't want him near me and also when he found me I gave him a black eye and a fat lip but I'm back home with him now and I don't think I cam forgive him.


How could someone that loves you do that he didnt have a dance he said that he got given tokens and he got the piss taken out of him for not but how do I believe him?? 

The thing that makes it worse is that he knows vie been depressed and that I'm not happy with my body after having our daughter 5months ago and that I hate strip bars it's soo slezy to just have a drink in there with half naked girls all perfect :(


I don't even feel like I want to marry him I'm so upset!!


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## LittleAurora

tbh...I think you hitting him was worse than him going to a strip club. Maybe you should be more concerned with that part


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## Miss_d

is your wedding booked? i think you should call it off, as there is obiviously no trust and theres violence involved!


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## xhannahxbanan

Yer the wedding is booked I only hit him cus I found hi
There and I have no body confidence it was horrible fining him there hence why I hit him!! I love hi
But I feel really betrayed and I don't think hitting him wad worse!! Ive had depression etc and when your oh knows that surely he should support you no matter how drunk you are and not walk into a bar like that I worked in the bar to help my fried out there and they all walk around naked and also the other reason I hit him was cuss I was basically getting harrased all night and he was In there all along


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## katieandbump

Oh no i think he is in the wrong for going there as you say you've got no confidence and he knows that does seem a bit suss and not the actions of someone who loves you but i agree with the girls if there's violence involved something big needs to change it can't stay the way it is. Could you go to counselling together or something maybe you to see a confidence coach and him to learn how to support you more. You have a little girl together so have to think of her first. Maybe have a big break from each other for a bit can you go and stay at family or something for a few weeks?


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## LittleAurora

Sounds like you have more issues going on and need to re evaluate your relationship. try couples counselling. 

Altho...there is still no excuse for violence, i doubt very much you would be saying the same thing if he hit you.


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## aly888

I think the violence needs addressing to be honest. Although that doesnt make what he did any less hurtful :nope:
It's one thing for him to go to a strip club, but to not come find you when you said you needed help is a bigger issue for me!

All that said, if he doesnt call off the wedding himself (I know I would if a partner hit me), then I think you need to bring the conversation up with him that perhaps you delay it a bit and both attend couples counselling :shrug: He shouldn't be doing things that he knows are going to hurt your feelings, but you should also trust him enough to be able to live his own life! So it's all about give and take..

Does he know that there were men hitting on you all night? Do you think that may have hurt his feelings? At least in a strip club you know the woman arent hitting on him (and also, just to throw it out there, the girls in clubs like that arent always "perfect"...far from it!) But that is not why blokes go. They go because they know they 'arent supposed to', so it's not about seeing half naked women, but about doing something 'naughty', iygwim?

Your wedding is just under a year away. Why not both agree to go to counselling (and maybe you go to your own sessions too for your self confidence issues) in the mean time and hopefully by the time your wedding comes around next year you will both be in a much happier and trusting place :hugs: xx


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## xhannahxbanan

I know that i shouldnt have hit him etc but just finding him there broke my heart etc and i did have a drink blah blah just my reaction . it was horrible seeing him walk out of that door when i needed him the most. 


he was ment to meet me there and he keeps saying he knows he was in the wrong etc but maybe your right we need couples councilling cus i cant forget about it i just keep crying and not feeling good enough its horrible. 

he did know i was texting him but you know what its like when people are really drunk etc they just get too drunk and dont think right, 

i'll look into doing what you guys said cus i do love him but i really cant look at him with out feeling sick. 

it might just be me and the way that i dont agree with going in places like that cus its slezy or maybe the fact that he was there when i needed him.

thanks guys


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## honeybee2

Oh hun. i feel so sorry for you. Yes it wasnt right to hit him, but trust me, my OH has wound me so much at times (usually when we are drunk) ive gone to slap him and missed....thankfully! :dohh: i would never condone violence in relationships but I can understand why you thought it was a good idea ...at the time! :shrug:

I dont think counselling is a must at the mo- just a sit down and a talk would be OK unless you discover there are hidden reasons for this. You say your not very confident- neither am I, but your OH should make you feel like the sexiest woman alive (which mine thankfully does!).

Have a little chat!!! :coffee:


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## pinkmummy

I agree with the others. I would call it off as violence is no good for any relationship whether you have low self confidence, were drunk or whatever its just a no-no.

As someone else said if he hit you he would probably be banged up for domestic violence.

I would not be happy if my OH was in a strip club but there is no way in hell I would give him a black eye and a fat lip! I was totally appauled to read that tbh!!


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## edinsam

Sounds to me that the strip club was the icing on the cake and the fact you are here asking us this tells me you already know the answer , maybe postone the wedding until you have sorted out the issues you have


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## lollylou1

like others have said the voilence to him is awful and u clearly dont trust him, i wouldnt care whether my OH went to a strip club because i trust he would look and wouldnt touch and he comes home to me! i lack a lot of confidence in alot of areas but the main thing is i trust him!
I think maybe getting yourself some counselling rather than couples counselling may be better and just a good sit down with OH to discuss your issues! sorry ur having a hard time
Lou
xxx


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## WhisperOfHope

the violence is not rigth and you clearly do not trust him so maybe you need to think if it fair on your baby to be in an enviroment liek that?


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## xhannahxbanan

lindseyanne said:


> the violence is not rigth and you clearly do not trust him so maybe you need to think if it fair on your baby to be in an enviroment liek that?

What I that supposed to me an enviroment like that??? 

That's out if order! How do you know what sort of environment she has?? I'm depressed fair enough but I'm always making sure my child is happy! Just goes to shoe that these places don't support you In anyway. I asked for help and I've just been grin grief


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## pinkmummy

xhannahxbanan said:


> lindseyanne said:
> 
> 
> the violence is not rigth and you clearly do not trust him so maybe you need to think if it fair on your baby to be in an enviroment liek that?
> 
> What I that supposed to me an enviroment like that???
> 
> That's out if order! How do you know what sort of environment she has?? I'm depressed fair enough but I'm always making sure my child is happy! Just goes to shoe that these places don't support you In anyway. I asked for help and I've just been grin griefClick to expand...

Woah!! Calm down!! :shock:

I think she just meant that a violent environment isn't fair for a baby to be in :flower:


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## WhisperOfHope

xhannahxbanan said:


> lindseyanne said:
> 
> 
> the violence is not rigth and you clearly do not trust him so maybe you need to think if it fair on your baby to be in an enviroment liek that?
> 
> What I that supposed to me an enviroment like that???
> 
> That's out if order! How do you know what sort of environment she has?? I'm depressed fair enough but I'm always making sure my child is happy! Just goes to shoe that these places don't support you In anyway. I asked for help and I've just been grin griefClick to expand...

i never said your child was unhappy


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## xhannahxbanan

Just cus I hit Him when I seen him walk out of that club doesn't mean I'd do it again let alone around my daughter!!!


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## WhisperOfHope

xhannahxbanan said:


> Just cus I hit Him when I seen him walk out of that club doesn't mean I'd do it again let alone around my daughter!!!

you shouldnt of hit him in the first place i have issues with mysefl too confidence wise and body image but i would NEVER hit my husband like that seeing him come out a club is no excuse your lucky hes still with you in my opinion


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## ky24 la la

lindseyanne said:


> xhannahxbanan said:
> 
> 
> Just cus I hit Him when I seen him walk out of that club doesn't mean I'd do it again let alone around my daughter!!!
> 
> you shouldnt of hit him in the first place i have issues with mysefl too confidence wise and body image but i would NEVER hit my husband like that seeing him come out a club is no excuse your lucky hes still with you in my opinionClick to expand...

No violence isnt right and i think she knows that, but u just avin ago at her is bad enuf...she's obvioulsy lost alot of confidence and is crying out for help, and ure on otha end judging her for doing it....are u soooo perfect????? personally i think we shud be supporting her to make the desesion best for her and her FAMILY, not point the finger!!!!

Life isnt the bloody waltons u know, n some ppl out there need supporting , not judging!!!


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## hedgewitch

ky24 la la said:


> No violence isnt right and i think she knows that, but u just avin ago at her is bad enuf...she's obvioulsy lost alot of confidence and is crying out for help, and ure on otha end judging her for doing it....are u soooo perfect????? personally i think we shud be supporting her to make the desesion best for her and her FAMILY, not point the finger!!!!
> 
> Life isnt the bloody waltons u know, n some ppl out there need supporting , not judging!!!

no your right life isn't the waltons, but you need to think about something here, i was in a violent relationship for ten years and believe me when you are on the receiving end of it then you feel very different, 
ok so he was wrong in her eyes for going a strip club but why did she hit him, why not have a go yeah as she wasn't happy but why take the step of using violence? if the boot was on the other foot i am pretty sure there would be many a woman on here saying she should leave or at least take some time out of the relationship so why is it different if its a woman hitting a bloke? long and short of it is she overstepped the mark and she needs to feel remorse for that. at the end of the day what has he said about it? is he saying he wants out? if the answer is no then i guess he must LOVE her so why is it such an issue he went to let off some steam with his friends? as he said he didn't have a dance, he respected her for that. seems to me the OP has some issues with how she is feeling as a woman, having babies does that but she needs to trust him, so maybe she needs to address her feelings, talk to him, try spend some quality time with him and make herself feel good, i also had PND and i know how low you can get but once you start using your emotions as weapons then the relationship will continue to go downhill, as i said if the boot was on the other foot the replies would be very different.
i do hope the OP can get herself sorted with her hubby to be, xx


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## xhannahxbanan

I understand that I shouldn't have hit him but at the time I seen the man I love walk out of a strip bar when I was begging him to come and get me as I had blokes just being slezy and wanted him with me. It was the most hurtful thing finding him there and the fact that he knew how I felt about those places and thy I have no confidence didn't help either! I my ex used to hit me about and I'm not prou of myself for doing that to him but I did word it all wrong as I was typing hen I was angry about it all. I didn't purposely hit him I would never want to give him black eye I love him!! Just happened and now I do feel bad about it and we have both talked.


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## sianyld

Hey hun,
we all do things we regret, sumtimes anger just gets the better of us! it was prob that u felt so hurt and ley down it was ur first reaction! 

As long as the viloence part doesnt happen on a frequent basis! and not condoning it either! i've been on both sides of violence so know wat ur feelin!

Personally if it was me I'd sit down hav a good chat bout wat u both want and how each of u felt! allow him 1 mistake and he can allow u 1 and move on from it!! or if u cant maybe its time to call it a day!

Good luck babes xx


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## hedgewitch

xhannahxbanan said:


> I understand that I shouldn't have hit him but at the time I seen the man I love walk out of a strip bar when I was begging him to come and get me as I had blokes just being slezy and wanted him with me. It was the most hurtful thing finding him there and the fact that he knew how I felt about those places and thy I have no confidence didn't help either! I my ex used to hit me about and I'm not prou of myself for doing that to him but I did word it all wrong as I was typing hen I was angry about it all. I didn't purposely hit him I would never want to give him black eye I love him!! Just happened and now I do feel bad about it and we have both talked.

see now thats what i'm saying, i can tell you love him as you wouldn't have reacted the way you did if you didn't and also you wouldn't have posted on here for advice, its very hard when you come from a relationship where you were abused/hit, i understand completely hun, its so easy to react that way, i do hope you can work it out and talk, talking is the way forward, he loves you very much as if he didn't he would have left. its awful when you get hurt and you do react in the moment but as you said you were in a violent relationship so you know how it feels, thats the only way i have been able to move forward with my hubby, i know how it felt and i don't want to inflict that on him as i know you don't too. i wish you both luck in your future and i know you can work this out, *hugs*,xx


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## Jkelmum

xhannahxbanan said:


> Just cus I hit Him when I seen him walk out of that club doesn't mean I'd do it again let alone around my daughter!!!

 If it had been the other way round everyone would say he as done it once he will do it again same goes for you

Get help because if u split he will use the violence against you in a custody battle which none of us wouldnt want that :hugs:


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## stacey01

men do silly things :hugs: , i dont blame u for hitting him , id give my partner a black eye if i found him in a strip club!


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## aly888

back to the original question, I still dont think you need to 'call off' the wedding completely :hugs: There is still plenty of time. You say you have both sat and spoke about what happened...how did that go?! xx


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## xhannahxbanan

it went really well, I explained how I felt betrayed etc and he said that he would never go into a place like that again after he seen how hurt u was. Were actually getting on really well :)
It was the first big argument we had. 

But I understand that everyone makes mistakes and we both did that night. 

X


aly888 said:


> back to the original question, I still dont think you need to 'call off' the wedding completely :hugs: There is still plenty of time. You say you have both sat and spoke about what happened...how did that go?! xx


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## aly888

:flower: i'm glad it went well. Sometimes it takes for people to see the consequences of their actions to realise that their actions are wrong. So in his case, he didnt realise just how much it would hurt you by going into a strip club until he actually SAW how much it hurt you, iykwim?

Glad the talk went well, and hopefully everything is getting back on track? xx


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## honeybee2

ye...hope everything works out ok!!!!

we all have rages to hit people sometimes....in the future really try to control it though lmao! 

Dont call of the wedding completely untill you are 100% xxx


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## lynne192

personal i would sit and talk about this with your other half if you can't forgive him etc then its never going to work, my OH at the start cheated on me and was really heartbroken, but we worked through things and because we are settled and sorted now thats why we're getting married, tbh if my partner went to a place like that i would prob just laugh but thats me, i always joke about his "porn" collection, i have no body confidence and often am put off of sex or have a low sex drive because of it, with strip clubs its harmless fun, but if it upset you and you told him this then i think that shows he doesn't respect you very much? only you know if you should marry him or not, if your asking on here maybe thats your answer?


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## Freya

What about your other half? It wasn't his fault you weren't having a good night. Could you not have gone home by yourself if you'd had enough? You turned his good night into a crap one by kicking off all because YOU weren't having a good time and YOU weren't happy with a strip club being in equation. So HE got moaned at, HE got abused and now YOU'RE sat thinking 'poor me'. Sorry. cant show any support on this one. Im sure you can see why not, and if you cant you may just end up single.

Perhaps you are the one that doesn't deserve him?


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## spoona

If you are questioning whether or not to get married, then the answer is always no, don't do it. Now I'm not saying that you should end your relationship over this, but there are obviously some trust issues. There are some creases that need ironing out, it's not the right time to get married unless you can make it all smooth again!
Just remember the good old saying ' if in doubt, leave it out!' Good luck x


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## LadyofRohan

I can't help but feel that if her fiance had caught her walking out of a strip club and he hit her and gave her a black eye and fat lip we'd be singing a different tune about this whole thing. :shrug: Why is there such a double standard when it comes to women abusing men? OP, I don't care how angry/drunk/upset you were....you should not have hit him. If he had called the cops _you _would have been the one going to jail for domestic abuse. 

OP, you obviously have some major body and trust issues. If you don't love your body or yourself then I cannot help but wonder why you are marrying this man. 

Please, please go to counselling with him (or by yourself). You need to work out these issues before you get married.


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## Sassy_TTC

Sorry but thats awful, weather you caught him coming out of a strip club or with another women that sort of violence is not acceptable at all, I think he should be questioning if he wants to marry you!

You both clearly have issues and I hope you get it sorted, Sorry if I sound harsh but I was in a violent relationship and there is no need for it what so ever!!!xxx


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## Midnight_Fairy

LadyofRohan said:


> I can't help but feel that if her fiance had caught her walking out of a strip club and he hit her and gave her a black eye and fat lip we'd be singing a different tune about this whole thing. :shrug: Why is there such a double standard when it comes to women abusing men? OP, I don't care how angry/drunk/upset you were....you should not have hit him. If he had called the cops _you _would have been the one going to jail for domestic abuse.
> 
> OP, you obviously have some major body and trust issues. If you don't love your body or yourself then I cannot help but wonder why you are marrying this man.
> 
> Please, please go to counselling with him (or by yourself). You need to work out these issues before you get married.

I agree. sorry hun


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