# thinking about labour. what advice can you give



## laura109

Hiya im now 21 weeks. I am having a week thinking of labour. How i am going to cope. How i want to give birth etc. I expect it to hurt but the pain people look in on t.v on one born every minuite and dont drop the baby sways me to an epidural.

i know theres side effects like not being able to push and giving birth on my back but i feel like its better than being stressed panicked abd in pain.

i dont like feeling sick or dopey so gas and airs putting me off. I hear its not great anyway. 

Ive thought about birth pools but theres only one pool so it could well be taken. Im not sure id like it anyway because warm baths make me dizzy. Im just stuck!!

I dont want to tear badly or get the ring of fire. If i have an epidural and cant push will my babies head get damaged. 

Any advice would be appreciated


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## Bellaloo12

Im guess this is ypur first baby...my advice is dont thi k too much about it because anything can happen and you wont know untill your actually giving birth. Everyone is dofferent and everyones labours are different. Ive got 3 children and all 3 labours were completely different my first born was an epidural gas and air labouring on my back labour 2nd was no pain relief got in The pool at the last minute and pushed baby out into the pool 3rd labour i was induced because baby was small. and that was a gas and air labour and was pretty painful but they say it can be when your induced try not to watch anything which has anyone giving birth i did and i already had done it twice before and it was scaring me and i already knew the pain of it...my point is your body will cope with it how it copes with it my advice is stay calm!! thats the main thing just to stay calm and breathing techniques....my best labour was in the pool it felt the best...i might add that my last 2 labours were very quick and i laboured on my feet the whole time till baby was ready to be pushed out so that i strongly believe helps i found the pain much worse when i laid on my back i swear thats the worst position but thats just me. You do wht feels right at the time. And dont worry you will be fine its the most natural thing int he world and your body is made to do it. I might add that im actually jelouse you get to go through it i love it its the best most exciting time of your life although you might not see it that way at the time lol good luck x


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## the why bird

My only advice would be to learn about ALL of your options - pros, cons, side effects, and what your hospital's policies are. If you decide on an epidural, that's great, but it's good to know your other options too because you might end up being too early/late to get one when you arrive, or the anaesthetist might be busy for a while. If you have already done your research you can be in a better position to decide whether you want to try that gas and air or get pethidine or just rely on breathing techniques etc. I found that after a certain point in labour I just wasn't able to have a sensible conversation (not because of pain, just because I cope by shutting everything out) so I wouldn't have been able to ask the right questions or take in their information.

And if you get to the day and find it isn't as bad as you expect, you can weigh up whether an epidural is still your number one choice.

Re the ring of fire: many hospitals will avoid giving/topping up your epidural if you're close to delivering, because they want you to feel how to push. So you may find that you have an epidural but it is partly/completely worn off by then. That said, while I felt some stinging I barely noticed the ring of fire, the urge to push took all of my attention.

Don't forget to look into non-medical options too. Some people have slow early labour which means you could be in a bit of pain for quite a while before you need to go to hospital. I found a hot water bottle and breathing to be helpful, but I also had aromatherapy and a tens machine ready in case I needed them. It can make you feel better just knowing you have some options to try out because it helps you feel in control. 

A lot of women tear but only 1-2% of those are bad tears (3rd or 4th degree) so your odds are small.

It's really unusual for the baby's head to get injured though I suppose it's not impossible. If you weren't able to push baby out they'd be looking at forceps/ventouse or c-section depending on how far he is down the birth canal. They will discuss this with you at the time but again, I'd advise reading up on it in advance because you're likely to be exhausted by that point and not really able to take much in. 

I hope I didn't make that sound too scary. I think between my two births (one c section after 4hrs of pushing, one uncomplicated vaginal birth) I have had every type of pain relief on offer! And I'm still in one piece and have two very healthy children and I'm not traumatised.

Edit to add: I also found labouring on my feet to be the best way to go (and the second time my contractions slowed waaay down when I laid on my back) but I was totally open to an epidural since I had back labour and it was very painful. The ordinary contractions in my stomach were manageable.


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## Feronia

I suggest looking into HypnoBirthing or HypnoBabies, which are incredible for changing your mindset about labour and pain. I practiced HypnoBirthing with my first and had a pain-free natural birth -- no transition, no ring of fire, no tearing at all. I'm not saying it is like this with everyone, but the people who really practice them seem to have very comfortable births.

It's also true that being on your back is the worst position to be in. Having the freedom to move around and change positions is very beneficial.


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## laura109

Thank you so much for the tips. Im going to take some advice from all your posts. As a ftm i dont know how brave or unbrave i will be. Thanks for your experiences. 

I will do some research and hopefully the midwife will talk to me soon


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## LeoTheLion

Honestly don't over think it, making a birth plan is nice because it gives you a feeling of control & some piece of mind but you will never know what you want until your actually doing it. I planned for natural with gas and air, baby came 4 weeks early, facing the wrong way, after a hour of pushing had spinal block, forceps and episiotamy .
This time round i'm hoping for natural again with gas & air .. hated the stuff for first 10 puffs but soon made me feel great.
First time round i was alot more relaxed due to the not knowing :)


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## purplecupcake

Don't let anyone else's experiences scare you. Go into it with an incredibly open mind and a positive attitude. I was so excited to experience labor and have my baby and knew that everything would be ok. Your body was designed to do this, many women have done it before you, blah blah blah. Honestly, it was a lot more intense than I could have imagined, but I managed, and I'm not even scared to do it again!

Definitely have a birth plan, but expect it to change. Make sure your birthing partner is well versed in your wants and needs and can advocate for you. Remember that you ARE in control and don't let a doctor or nurse tell you what to do.


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## JessesGirl29

The thing about labour is that you can't know how it will be until you get there. I was a FTM just like you and I had a plan and goals but also accepted that that might change if I needed it to. 

My labour built throughout the day so it wasn't an fast 'emergency' situation. I had time to feel it build and cope. I spent as long as I could at home because I wanted to avoid intervention. 

How could anyone know how water can help? What gas and air will feel like? What contractions feel like? You can't. :hugs:

My overall suggestions are to be open to suggestions from your birth team....a bath didn't help at home but I labored in the tub with OH blasting hot water on my back during contractions. Laughing gas was amazeballs. 

You can't stop labour and you can't avoid it. Try and relax and stay positive. I had an iPod mix of music that pumped me up that helped so much. Don't worry about tearing or the ring of fire.....you'll be so close to the end I promise you you won't be worried about it, just listen to your dr or midwife. I tore up front with no pain relief and I didn't even care, I was holding my BABY!!!! It's all worth it, I promise.


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## mom2b2013

I felt exactly the same way as you. Giving birth was one of the most terrifying things I could possibly think of. Fortunately it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I imagined. I dilated pretty fast and by the time I got the epidural I was almost 5cm. It was excruciatingly painful but once I got the epidural I felt a million times better and relaxed enough to focus on the rest of the labor. Next time I will just make sure to get the epidural earlier. I had a 2nd degree tear but didn't feel it at all because of the epidural. You got some great advice above as its true that every birth is different. All you can do is prepare yourself with knowledge about your options and do what feels best at the time. It really won't be as bad as you might imagine. Best of luck to you.


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## kksy9b

Just remember that every labor and delivery is different. Once you get there its not as stressful as the weeks leading up worrying and wondering about it. For me it was a relief since I was 12 days late :)

Completely agree that being able to get up and walk around or use a birthing ball is SO much better than lying in bed. For me, labor was bearable walking and unbearable sitting. 

I went in with the intention of a natural delivery but open to an epidural not knowing how I would handle it. I labored to 8cm, hit transition and requested an epi. Contractions were coming without a break and I was getting nauseous and lightheaded. The fact that It was 4 or 5 in the morning and had been awake for 24 hours didn't help. I knew I needed a break to gather my energy to push. Epi kicked in at 9cm and I got to rest for a bit.

The thing with epidurals is that it can be controlled of how strong it is. I was still able to feel my legs and move around in bed. I could still feel all of the pressure of a contraction without any of the pain and was able to lead the delivery on my own (vs. being told when to push). And then when that absolute NEED to push hit and there was no one at the end of the bed. I was saying " can I push?! I need to push! Can't stop it!" they all hurried over. That was the one that he came out on (took 40 min total in pushing). I was out of bed and walking on my own less than 2 hours later. I did push on my back, but because I walked through prettyuch the entire labor, he was in the right position and it didn't take long. I did tear but I really think that would have happened no matter how I delivered. He was a small baby (lease than 7lbs) but in the 80th percentile for head circumfrance :/

My point is that when you get there, do what feels right for you. Go in with an open mind knowing that things will probably not go according to plan and that its okay never let yourself feel guilty for the choices you make. At the end of the day your LO will be on your arms and thstd what will matter :)


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## laura109

Thank you for sharing your experiences girls. I guess when im going through it i will get on with it. The hospital is 40 mins away from our house so when its time to go in we have abit of a drive. I do want to try stay at home for as long as i can. My cousin has recently had a home birth in a pool. She had to go in after the birth as her placenta did not release but the experience for her was nice. It does get me thinking about home births. If anything went wrong though its a long way to hospital. 

After you have given birth are you very sore and achy for a few days? 

Have you all had nice midwives? I guess they reassure you alot of the time too. X


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## JessesGirl29

You are a little sore and achy but you are also riding on a high or adrenaline. I made sure I had things ready for me when I got home. I made padsicles by wetting and freezing maxi pads and have your comforts ready at home....premade comfort food, pain relief, tv shows lined up to watch and just relax and let everyone help you out and take every minute to get in the baby snuggles.


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## kksy9b

A lot of it depends on how the delivery goes. For me, I was sore for about 6 weeks. However, I tore up so every time I peed it was super painful until it healed (if you are planning on bf'ing you can take motrin (I was prescribed a stronger one than OTC) and that made ALL the difference in the world). Like JessesGirl said, have your house stocked up with your favorite snacks, load your Netflix list up with some shows and take the time to relax and snuggle with baby as much as you can. Also, Dont push yourself too much too soon. I tried stairs about a week pp and had to rest for 20 minutes before coming back down :/


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## purplecupcake

I was up and walking around immediately afterward, but I only needed one stitch. I did feel some kind of pressure feeling when standing, and if you sit directly on your hooha it's not very pleasant.

My hospital was 40 minutes away as well...worst car ride of my life! Since my labor went so quickly, unbeknownst to me I was in transition while on the way there. One thing I wish I would have had was my iPod (it was in the hospital bag my husband put in the trunk...grrr) so I could just plug in and tune out the world.

Also, pre-register at the hospital!! I was told I was pre-registered but the hospital dropped the ball I guess. Filling out paperwork and answering questions during contractions is a miserable experience.


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## laura109

Brilliant thanks girls.i feel abit more clued up now. 

Its bad nowadays how far you have to travel. Im in the uk and there closing down led units and local maternity units. U have to go to the bigger citys now.

thanks again xx


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## MindUtopia

My advice would be to not watch any of those horrible tv shows (they're edited to make it look awful and they never show the easy births because they aren't entertaining) and trust that your body can do it. You really can. There's nothing superhuman about women who have natural births, though they do tend to be the women who plan and equip themselves with more tools for coping. 

I had a completely natural (home) birth with my first baby. I didn't need an epidural (it wasn't an option anyway) and I had gas and air if I'd wanted it, but never needed it. I took two paracetamol and used a TENS machine. I also practiced natal hypnotherapy (I'd really, really recommend it). It was completely manageable. There were a few moments that were painful (the cervical check - that was the most painful part of giving birth!), but overall it really wasn't painful. My husband says I did say 'ouch' when she was crowning, and it did feel stretchy and intense, but it wasn't this horrible 'ring of fire' everyone told me about. It was really completely doable. So please don't think of it as this scary, awful experience. It's not. It's really awesome and cool and very manageable. But you have to learn to trust your body and not be afraid (pain is caused by our bodies tensing up during contractions, if you're relaxed, they don't really hurt much). Also, I can't recommend enough doing natal hypnotherapy. It was really wonderful. I'm planning another all natural home birth next time and I'd use it again.

I was definitely sore afterwards. Not terrible and soaking in the bath a couple times a day with some lavender oil added in helped a lot. It was a lot better in a couple weeks. The good thing is, you've just had a baby, you really shouldn't be doing anything other than sitting and resting and holding your baby. And your body will tell you if you're doing too much. Let other people take care of you.


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## purplecupcake

MindUtopia said:


> My advice would be to not watch any of those horrible tv shows (they're edited to make it look awful and they never show the easy births because they aren't entertaining) and trust that your body can do it. You really can. There's nothing superhuman about women who have natural births, though they do tend to be the women who plan and equip themselves with more tools for coping.
> 
> I had a completely natural (home) birth with my first baby. I didn't need an epidural (it wasn't an option anyway) and I had gas and air if I'd wanted it, but never needed it. I took two paracetamol and used a TENS machine. I also practiced natal hypnotherapy (I'd really, really recommend it). It was completely manageable. There were a few moments that were painful (the cervical check - that was the most painful part of giving birth!), but overall it really wasn't painful. My husband says I did say 'ouch' when she was crowning, and it did feel stretchy and intense, but it wasn't this horrible 'ring of fire' everyone told me about. It was really completely doable. So please don't think of it as this scary, awful experience. It's not. It's really awesome and cool and very manageable. But you have to learn to trust your body and not be afraid (pain is caused by our bodies tensing up during contractions, if you're relaxed, they don't really hurt much). Also, I can't recommend enough doing natal hypnotherapy. It was really wonderful. I'm planning another all natural home birth next time and I'd use it again.
> 
> I was definitely sore afterwards. Not terrible and soaking in the bath a couple times a day with some lavender oil added in helped a lot. It was a lot better in a couple weeks. The good thing is, you've just had a baby, you really shouldn't be doing anything other than sitting and resting and holding your baby. And your body will tell you if you're doing too much. Let other people take care of you.

The ring of fire wasn't bad for me either! Felt like when you have a poop coming that is too big haha.

The pushing was such a relief, too. Once you start pushing the contractions become very mild.


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## Eleanor ace

My advice would be to educate yourself as much as posisble about your different options for pain relief (not just gas and air/epidural but things like TENs machines, different positions, water pressure, accupressure etc) and to watch some positive birthing vidoes (you can find lots on Youtube, they tend to be home births but you can find hospital births too). Knowledge is power! 
Try to remember aswell that the births you see on TV tend to be over dramatised, they choose the loudest and most TV worthy births to show. 
For me gas and air is the best thing ever- I've told DH I either need to have another baby or I'm breaking my arm so I can get ont he G&A again :haha:. I had a spinal after having my 1st and I had pain from it for a few months and it did make things sore in the days after having my LO, more than anything else (and I tore badly requiring surgery but I'd take that over the needle in my back!), so you won't neccesarily find that G&A makes you feel sick and you my find that the epidural has undesirable side effects. i'm not saying that to scare you, epidurals are a good choice for a lot of people, but they aren't without their downsides and I have seen a lot of people on here who went for the epi out of fear and not knowing their options and regreted it. Also if you get to hospital and you're not dilated enough for an epidural or the doctor isn't ready to do it you might want to try gas and air or something else, so it is good to keep open minded about other options. With regards to the water birth thing and worrying it might make you dizzy if its too hot, maybe get a thermometer and run yourself a bath the temperature your hospital usually has the pool at (you could ask your MW. At my hospital it is kept at 37 degrees I think) and see how it feels, if it makes you feel dizzy. 
I was sore after birth but not majorly. With my DS I had a 3rd degre tear and it was sore but not horribly so, I was up and about for walks the next day. I had the pain in my back from the spinal which made it hard to sleep but it eased after a week or so. The afterpains were bad, especially at night so I'd dose up on paracetamol before bed. With my 2nd the afterpains were sooo bad but I dosed up on ibruprfen and paracetamol and it was bearable. The pain in my vagina and stomach area was minimal, I was up about 40 minutes after birth and was out and about the next day again. I had a water birth with my 2nd and I think being mobile and in the water really helped with the aches and pains afterwards.
Try not to stress, you will probably find that labour really isn't as bad as you think it will be. Going into it with a positive attitude really helped me.


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## laura109

Thank you for your experience. Was you back pain really bad from epi? Did u need assistant getting your baby out? X


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## NDH

I third hypnobirthing, or similar. I never took any courses or listened to any CDs, but still found myself naturally meditating through the contractions anyway and was relaxed enough to fall asleep through them (induced, powerful 5 in 10 minutes with 30 seconds between contractions even). I did not experience the ring of fire, but I was pretty numb down there after 2 1/2 hours of pushing and 2 hours of fighting against my body's urge to push at the midwifes request. I was very sore after that birth for at least a week and had a hard time holding my baby as my arms were so weak from pulling on dh. But my second birth was a spontaneous breech birth and I felt so amazing after it. The after pains were tough but following the birth itself I felt completely normal. 
Both my births were drug free, not even gas and air (I tried a puff both times and couldn't stand having something in my mouth).

Instead of watching obem and other mainstream birth shows, YouTube natural birth videos - maybe even hypnobirth videos. You'll find them portrayed VASTLY different to how the media does. Some women can still get rather loud, but you can just tell that the whole atmosphere is different and their ability to cope is so much better.

As a ftm to be I read a ton of birth stories, good and bad. I read the bad ones not in a state of fear, but just to say to myself "if that happens to me I can cope.

I think however you choose to give birth it's so important to be fully informed of all your options. Make sure your provider ticks your boxes (if you really want to avoid a cesarean for example but discover your provider has a 30+% cesarean rate you may want to look into changing providers, just as an example). And also find out if their colleagues are on the same page as well. Your provider may say one thing, but if theyre away for the birth (it does happen) their colleague(s) may not be so agreeable... Its never too late to change providers either - even in labour!


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## laura109

Thanks girls. Now a girl has mentioned an epidural made her projectile vomit. I guess all the pain relief can give u horrible side effects. I just dont know what i want lol. Xx


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## Eleanor ace

laura109 said:


> Thank you for your experience. Was you back pain really bad from epi? Did u need assistant getting your baby out? X

Not sure if tis was intended for me, so ignore me if not! 
I didn't have an epi but the pain in my back from the spinal was quite bad, the sorest part of recovery (more than the recovery pain from the tear) and the pain lasted on and off for a few months (in fact I occassionally still get back pain from it 3 years post partum, someting my physio said isn't that uncommon :wacko:). I didn't need assistance getting either baby out but I probably would have done with my DD if I'd had an epi as she got stuck and the position which got her out was moving to standing which I wouldn't have been able to do if I had the epi and couldn't feel my legs.


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## Eleanor ace

I think normally you get anti sickness medicine in your IV when you have an epidural. I got it with my spinal. I know some people do get really sick with the epidural but I think most don't. You could ask your MW for your hospitals leaflet on pain relief, mine had a section on the risks and benefits of each, it had things like the % of people who get paralysis or partial paralysis from an epidural (very small %), percentage of people who got severe headaches or vomiting and % of people who had a failed epidural. Maybe reading that will help you feel more confident in making a decission and less worried if you do go for an epi.


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## kksy9b

laura109 said:


> Thank you for your experience. Was you back pain really bad from epi? Did u need assistant getting your baby out? X

I had zero back pain from the epi. I was a little nervous when it was being put in but honestly, I was in transitional labor at that point and that was more intense than what was going in my back. After it was taken out, it wasn't even sore or anything. Of course, you're pretty focused on your LO so maybe I just don't remember it. 

And I did not need any assistance with getting baby out. I was able to feel every contraction (the pressure not pain) and pushed when I felt like pushing and didn't have to be told when. I did tear but did so naturally and didn't need an episiotomy. Every experience is different but for me, it was a wonderful one as it took away the pain but not the feeling and had no side effects. 

I will say that there was a very good chance that my epi wouldn't have kicked in in time for delivery. I requested it at 8 cm. My labor slowed down enough that it gave it time to work but a lot of times when you request it so late it doesn't kick in until after baby is born. Just something to keep in mind :)


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## laura109

Thank you. I will be fine with abit of back pain after. As long as its not long term. Im sure the midwives will discuss all this further along but im not sure what week they discuss labour with you. 

Im not generally sick so hopefully i wont be but i can cope if its just sips of drink anyhow. I get quite panicked about vomiting in general. 

The epidural i feel is appealing to me when it gets too much. Gas and air is a very mild pain relief and often it leaves women dizzy or sickly. I basically dont want to be feeling sick or being sick in labour and when my daughter is born i dont want to spend the first few hours of her life throwing up lol.

i know im worrying and panicking at the moment. It just feels i find a plan im happy with and one of my friends or someone they know has had a horrible experience with that. I know every womens different though. Xxx


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## NDH

Just quickly about gas and air - even if youre one of the ones who finds it makes you sick, the symptoms and side effects all so as soon as you stop using it, so there's no way it will make you throw up for hours :).


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## purplecupcake

laura109 said:


> Thank you. I will be fine with abit of back pain after. As long as its not long term. Im sure the midwives will discuss all this further along but im not sure what week they discuss labour with you.
> 
> Im not generally sick so hopefully i wont be but i can cope if its just sips of drink anyhow. I get quite panicked about vomiting in general.
> 
> The epidural i feel is appealing to me when it gets too much. Gas and air is a very mild pain relief and often it leaves women dizzy or sickly. I basically dont want to be feeling sick or being sick in labour and when my daughter is born i dont want to spend the first few hours of her life throwing up lol.
> 
> i know im worrying and panicking at the moment. It just feels i find a plan im happy with and one of my friends or someone they know has had a horrible experience with that. I know every womens different though. Xxx

Some women do experience longterm back pain from epidurals. 3 of my friends get pain whenever the weather turns cold. Just something to think about!

The pain is over as soon as the baby is born but an epidural will last much longer. And like someone said, when the pain gets unbearable, you're almost done! It's your decision of course, but I am just SUCH an advocate for natural deliveries. The natural high you get from not being on any meds is incredible! As intense as it was, I would do natural again and again.


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## laura109

So when u see women screaming on these programs its abit over the top for T.v? X


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## Feronia

I agree with purplecupcake. And don't watch birth shows on TV!  They're way too dramatic for real life. I didn't scream at all during my natural birth!


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## purplecupcake

I actually yelled a lot more than I thought I would, haha. But don't let that scare you, it just felt good to groan, it released the energy.


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## NDH

TV Labours are always immobilized women lying on their backs as well. So so so much more difficult. There are many natural coping techniques that can be employed. Some women definitely do scream (its often a more gutteral/animalistic type of groaning though that helps release the pain than an actual scream in pain). In both Labours I only felt like it was all two much one time each, and that was at the beginning of transition when you know its almost over. 

When you have good support, are active, and employ techniques such as hot water, counter pressure, swaying your hips etc, its really not bad I promise and you are rewaedednwith such a natural high at the end that is literally undescribable. Babies born without drugs are so much more alert and breastfeed better.

Obviously its your choice, and women definitely have no reason to feel like a failure however a baby comes out of you but I really think women should go into birth expecting to not need drugs cause mentally that's half the battle. If you go in expecting you'll need them then you probably will. :flower:


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## Tigermom

Hun, you sound like me with my first. For me... the best advice was putting everything away and winging it. I ended up not taking any birthing classes (not advised, but it worked for me), and just kind of going with the flow. However, that did lead to needing pain intervention: epidural or spinal block. Neither my hubby or I can remember which because I thought I had one, but the definition of what I experienced matched the other.

To speak to that, the epidural dosing is much milder now. They don't dope you up so much that you can't feel anything. You will still feel your contraction happening, but it won't be painful (usually. Some women still complain of pain even after). For me, I knew I was having a contraction, but I didn't have the urge to push, so I had to be instructed that it was "time", however, I knew when to push, and I could push (if that makes sense). Having said all of that, the recovery is the reason we are choosing natural this time around. I ended up needing a catheter put in because I couldn't control my urethra. That lead to quite a bit of pain during healing. Also with that, I tore during delivery, and it wasn't that bad. It itches during healing, but witch hazel takes care of that surprisingly well. But you are so excited and in gear that you don't care while they are happening

This time, I am attempting to go all natural. That has meant more preparation. I purchased "Active Labor" by Janet Balaskas, and that has been a blessing. It has taken away my aches and pains of pregnancy with the stretches it outlines, and many of those will prepare you, your mind, and your body/ligaments for labor. Even if you are not planning on going natural, it can be a super wonderful book because of the stretches and yoga poses.

I agree with the other comments: laying on your back will intensify your labor pains, and you will push longer because your sacrum isn't allowed to fully withdraw and allow the optimal space for baby's head. You don't have to go "natural" but you can still try different positions that work for you. Find what's most comfortable, and talk to your doctor about the options your place of delivery is set up for. I plan on using a squatting bar that attaches to the bed, and I have been practicing squatting from about 20 weeks or so. 

No pregnancy follows a plan, and labor and delivery are the same. With my first son, my first two contractions were 5 minutes apart, and I was already 9cm dilated. Don't ask me how :haha: I was so scared for that moment weeks prior, but when it happened, you go into mommy mode, and trust me, instinct kicks in. You will naturally move to the positions that are most comfortable. You might get on all fours and sway your hips, you might lean forward onto counters or walls and just breathe through it, you might walk and pace, you might lay on your side, you might squat, you might want a nice calming (never that hot) bath, you might bounce on a ball. Trust me... it is perfectly natural to think about everything you are thinking about right now. 

If it helps, just remember that you are not alone in wondering. But also remember that your doctor is there to comfort you. Write all of your concerns and questions down and bring them to your doctor's attention. He/she will be glad to talk you through them. The other option (highly recommended) is to call your birthing center/hospital, and ask when you could come take a look around and see all the different things they offer to delivering mothers.

Oh and about the baby's head, every baby's head is funky shaped. It's the name of the game when they go through the birth canal. As far as damage go, your team will not let you push long enough to harm the child... I promise! If it came to that, you would have a C-section, and it shouldn't come to that :hugs:

I hope this was helpful!!! You are not alone, hun!! Definitely look into that book, even if it doesn't spark your interest. It is a great read about how to prevent a lot of the things you are concerned about while not making you feel pressured towards delivering without drugs, like many other books on the market. There are about 50 pages of stretches and simple pregnancy-safe yoga poses to help you too!!!

:hugs: <3


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## laura109

Thank you so much. I think im going to go in with an open mind. The midwives will be there to advice me and will be able to give me what i need. 

I will look into books too. It might help my confidence. Its always scarier hearing about other peoples tears and vomiting etc but i may be nothing like that. My mum and sister never tore. 
I have found alot of good honest advice on here and i am thankful to you all for taking time to help me. 

Thanks xxx


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## kksy9b

NDH said:


> Babies born without drugs are so much more alert and breastfeed better.

I just wanted to point out that this all depends on what kind of pain medication you use. 

IV meds (pain narcotics) will pass the placenta to baby and can make mom and baby more drowsy after birth. My best friend had this during her first labor. The nurses didn't explain the side effects and said it was just "to take the edge off". It took her (remember every experience is different) 3 days to come out of a haze from them and be able to move around without assistance. They over medicated her. I'm not sure how bf'ing went for her initially but she was successful long term.

An epidural does not pass to baby and does not affect them during or after birth, it is just for Mom. My DS came out screaming and latched on within 30 minutes after birth and never had issues. 

We don't have G&A in the US but from my understanding it doesn't cross to baby and the effects go away as soon as you stop using it.

Whether you choose natural delivery or to use pain medication, your labor and delivery will be your own unique story. In the end, as long as baby comes out (and she will!) and is healthy, the rest will work itself out. I was SO nervous going into it but once it got there, instinct really does take over. Just do whatever feels right/most comfortable to you!


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## NDH

Actually the majority of epidural administered drugs DO cross the placenta. Here is one of many links referencing research https://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?tag=pros-and-cons-of-epidurals


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## persun

Every mother is great.For most children,mum is their dear friend.


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## Tigermom

And it is important to remember that this is your story. Every birth story is BEAUTIFUL! Whether you end up needing the assistance of medication, you go all-natural, or you need a C-section. Every story is beautiful, and just thinking about that can help calm you too. No story goes according to plan, and no story is better than another. 

Every birth is beautiful! :hugs:


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## NDH

Absolutely :flower: I believe in informed choice - what a women decides to do with that information is entirely up to her :).


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## laura109

Yeah i totally agree. Im not ashamed if i need drugs. No point crying and screaming and getting stressed if u need some relief. If its a 12 hour plus labour it will get very tiring for example so im open minded. My mum had a high pain threshold did not feel her contractions very much. I could be like her or the total opposite.

im just guessing with my partners love and support and hopefullynice midwives ill be reassured and helped in whatever way i need.

I appreciate all the advice ypu ladies have given me. Im going to see how i go and see what happens. No point worrying  you have helped me alot thanks x


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## Tigermom

I'm so glad you found some relief!!! :hugs:

It sounds like your partner will be your anchor, your grounding point, so remember your very own words, "im just guessing with my partners love and support and hopefullynice midwives ill be reassured and helped in whatever way i need." It sounds like that is what will keep you calm in the middle <3


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## NotNic

laura109 said:


> So when u see women screaming on these programs its abit over the top for T.v? X

Some times its shouting through fear or loss of control, not pain. Labour can be a very anxious time and its easy to become stressed or panicked. I think I had two bits of it being too much the first time - once when I cried when they told me I was 5cm (I was overwhelmed) and again when they tried turning my son. Apart from that I was near enough silent my whole labour. I'm a huge chatterbox and normally very happy to express my displeasure :haha: so it was a surprise that I would become so 'in the zone'. My OH was a little disturbed by it and kept asking if I was asleep!!


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## Spudtastic

Hi.

I had an epidural and it was the best thing ever. I'd decided on a hospital birth as the hospital is a 3 hour drive away. We headed off when the contractions were every 5 minutes and I was 2cm. My plan had been not to have an epi unless the midwife recommended it.
When I arrived at hospital the midwife there said just by the intensity length and how far apart my contractions were I must be in transition and baby would be born in an hour or two. However I was only 2.5 cms. I was using a tens and gas and air.

My baby was facing the wrong way too which makes everything more painful (perhaps I have a low pain threshold too ). 

Fast forward 6 hours and I'm only 4cms. I was nauseous and vomiting too.

Once that epi was in I could rest. The pain was gone. Before the epi my baby had some distress too but after there was no distress. After 7 pain free hours I was really rested for pushing. I did it on my own...it still really hurt...but baby came in just under two hours. She did get slightly stuck too and I believe if I didn't have the epi I wouldn't have been able to push her out on my own. Also midwife said without pain relief it would have been a three day labour.

Every birth is different. I agree on reading up about your options. I had been determined not to have an epi but it gave me a much better birth experience.


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## Spudtastic

Oooh and I still got my natural high for about a fortnight after.


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## NDH

NotNic said:


> laura109 said:
> 
> 
> So when u see women screaming on these programs its abit over the top for T.v? X
> 
> Some times its shouting through fear or loss of control, not pain. Labour can be a very anxious time and its easy to become stressed or panicked. I think I had two bits of it being too much the first time - once when I cried when they told me I was 5cm (I was overwhelmed) and again when they tried turning my son. Apart from that I was near enough silent my whole labour. I'm a huge chatterbox and normally very happy to express my displeasure :haha: so it was a surprise that I would become so 'in the zone'. My OH was a little disturbed by it and kept asking if I was asleep!!Click to expand...

Yes thats a good point that it doesn't matter what your personality type is, its no sign of how you will labour. I'm very quiet and withdrawn and totaly expected to internalize my labour. But I found vocalizing to really help me through the contractions, and I remember telling my midwife during my first labour that I sounded like a dying goose :rofl:


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## laura109

Thank you. Yeah especially with your first one i guess you have no idea whats normal and what feels normal.

thanks for your epidural story. Im guessing yours faded so you can feel to push. Ive heard lots of positive epidural stories and a few not so good. Sounds like it helped you alot. Thanks for sharing your experiences xx


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## Spudtastic

Hi Laura. I didn't think to write that I couldn't feel the contractions to know when to push. At least I remember being concerned that I needed to pick thw moment exactly so I asked midwife to feel my stomach and tell me. I don't think I could have pushed as well as I did though without the rest beforehand. I forgot all about that until you mentioned it. But overall the epidural made it into a more positive experience. 

My baby was facing the wrong way so this pregnancy I am looking into exercises as the pregnancy progresses to get the baby facing the right way. I'm also going to try hypnobirthing. I'll go into this labour with the same mind.. if my labour means I need an epidural I'll have one again but I'll try some different things to help me with my labour I suppose.


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## mysweetangel

I just had my first 2 months ago and had an epidural. Pushing went fast, 20 mins! and I didn't feel a bit of it which I loved because I was calm and communicating well with everyone the whole time :)


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## laura109

Thank you. Thats really good to know  xx


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## Button#

I was also scared of being sick, I don't handle being sick very well. I had gas and air and had no problems, didn't feel sick at all. I found the birthing pool great for the pain, although I didn't get to give birth in the water. I ended up with a ventouse and episiotamy. I had very strong contractions close together straight away and pushed for 4 hours and I found it less painful than I expected but much harder work than expected. 

Do whatever works for you at the time but try to go into the whole experience with a positive mindset. You can do it, you will get baby out safely and happily and you will have a wonderful birth.


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## laura109

Thank you. I might pluck up the courage to try the gas and air. Did you wear a long t shirt in the pool? Xx


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## NotNic

I wore a bikini top. Personally I hate the feeling of wet clothes stuck to me but wanted a bit of coverage


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## Button#

I stripped off and jumped in with nothing on! Couldn't stand clothes when I was in labour! I took a vest top to wear but I have heard since a bikini top or tankini top is better as they are more comfortable to wear when they're wet.


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