# Tough Lesson Learned...



## JViti

My son Anthony just learned a very scary lesson...
He is 8 years old. He is not allowed to leave our court when he is outside. He follows this rule 99 times out of 100. Well today was that 1 time he didnt listen. His friend went out of the court and across the street and Anthony just went outside the court. My hubby Keith saw him, snuck up behind him, grabbed him and picked him up and said to him..."This is how easily someone can take you."
It scared the hell out of him...he has barely stepped away from the house since....but I dont think he will leave the court again. I hate that he had to learn that way, but better that he learn that way than the very hard way of someone else doing it...


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## hattiehippo

Is it a really dangerous area where you live? Is it likely he'd been taken by someone?

I'm just confused why a 8 wouldn't be allowed to step outside the immediate area outside his house with his friend. At 8 I'm planning to let my DS walk round to the shops 5 mins from our house but I know this is a very safe area, he is pretty sensible and it's very unlikely anything will happen.


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## aimee-lou

hattiehippo said:


> Is it a really dangerous area where you live? Is it likely he'd been taken by someone?
> 
> I'm just confused why a 8 wouldn't be allowed to step outside the immediate area outside his house with his friend. At 8 I'm planning to let my DS walk round to the shops 5 mins from our house but I know this is a very safe area, he is pretty sensible and it's very unlikely anything will happen.

Agree


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## JViti

i live in the States and there is a level 3 sex offender a mile from my house. Also, although my neighborhood isnt a bad neighborhood per se, there are a few questionable people around here. I live next to a bad town.


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## lindseymw

hattiehippo said:


> Is it a really dangerous area where you live? Is it likely he'd been taken by someone?
> 
> I'm just confused why a 8 wouldn't be allowed to step outside the immediate area outside his house with his friend. At 8 I'm planning to let my DS walk round to the shops 5 mins from our house but I know this is a very safe area, he is pretty sensible and it's very unlikely anything will happen.

Normally I would actually agree with this. 

However, last week in my town (pretty safe, crimes tend to be petty theft), an 11 year old girl was walking to Girl Guides (held in the School my son attends) when two men tried to abduct her in a car. She got away by running and screaming. All the Schools in my town have now held a 'Stranger Danger' presentation to all of the pupils in response to this.

It has actually made me think about when I will be letting Joshua leave the immediate vicinity of the house.


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## LovemyBubx

Unfoutunatly I won't be letting DD out by herself to the shops etc until later then I would like, we hear too many story's of children never being found again or who are abused, I don't think I can risk it until she can really understands the dangers :( I suppose it depends a lot on how mature & trustworthy a child is x


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## kerrie24

Whether people think its necessary or not,if your son had been given the rule of where to stay when he went outside,then he should honor that otherwise lose the privilege of being out alone.My 12 yr old is allowed to the shop and his friends house but not wandering the streets and my 8 yr old doesn't leave our garden without me.I don't suppose the mothers of holly and jessica,sara payne or april jones (to name just a few) thought their children were at risk when they let them play out alone.I would rather not be that one whose child got taken,however unlikely. Unfortunately it doesn't matter how sensible the child,its other people you can't count on.


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## JViti

kerrie24 said:


> Whether people think its necessary or not,if your son had been given the rule of where to stay when he went outside,then he should honor that otherwise lose the privilege of being out alone.My 12 yr old is allowed to the shop and his friends house but not wandering the streets and my 8 yr old doesn't leave our garden without me.I don't suppose the mothers of holly and jessica,sara payne or april jones (to name just a few) thought their children were at risk when they let them play out alone.I would rather not be that one whose child got taken,however unlikely. Unfortunately it doesn't matter how sensible the child,its other people you can't count on.

Yeah, he is a trustworthy child, he usually NEVER wanders out, but unfortunately, he is a follower and when his friend went out of the courtyard, he convinced my son to follow him. I know my son is a good kid and i dont worry about him getting into trouble. Its just that if someone wants to abduct a child, they are going to do so...they will find a way. If the "lost puppy" gig dont work, or the "candy" gig dont work, they will simply just grab a child...and frankly, I dont know of many kids who could fight off a 200lb man. 

No one wants to thnk that something could happen to their child, but unfortunately, as we see all the time, it happens. A few towns away from us, a girl was almost abducted at her bus stop before an adult saw and chased the man away. In another town about 30 minutes from me, a 15 yr old boy was abducted on his way home from school and raped. A 15 YEAR OLD!! It can happen to any child at any age...

I have noticed tho, I am in a parenting group on facebook, and everyone who is from America agrees with not letting my 8 yr old wander, but everyone from Canada and UK does not. Just wondering, is the crime rate there just really low?? Are the all the sickos in the world really piled up in America?? Makes me question whether I should move lol.


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## hattiehippo

If you follow that argument then someone determined to take a child would have no problem coming into the courtyard outside your house and grabbing your son that quickly...are you watching him through the window 100% of the time?

I don't want to sound rude or play down how serious this is but I know in the UK figures show that the actual rate of child abduction/murder by strangers hasn't increased in literally 40+ years. What has changed is the amount of publicity it gets so it seems like it happens way more than it used to. The problem then is that less and less people let their children outside unsupervised and that then makes it easier for a child on their own to be taken rather than having safety in numbers. We are way more risk adverse than 30-40 years ago - my brother and me disappeared all day long 30 yrs ago at around 6 and 8 and that was normal. Today I couldn't let my son do this because he wouldn't have a big group of children to play with and would be on his own.

I don't know what the answer is because obviously no one wants something awful to happen to their child. It's just a shame that the view that there is someone waiting to abduct your child round every corner is so common rather than these are usually random acts that no one could protect against. And how then do we give our children any freedom to explore for themselves and make their own mistakes like we were able to?


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## MummyMana

I don't even feel safe going into town as an adult, I couldn't imagine an 8 year old wandering off on their own :(

I don't think it's a case that he's so much safer in the courtyard, but a case of knowing where he is. If he leaves without permission, no one will know where he is.


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## kerrie24

Yes knowing where he is was the point,not wandering the streets.And I know 30 years ago I couldn't have disappeared for a day without my parents knowing where I was either.At 12/13 maybe but not 8 years old.


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## hattiehippo

Clearly I had a very different upbringing to other people on here then. We spent a lot of time off playing in a big group of children aged from 5 to 12ish.

I also don't understand why you would be worried about going into town by yourself as an adult...do you live in a really rough area?


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## MummyMana

hattiehippo said:


> Clearly I had a very different upbringing to other people on here then. We spent a lot of time off playing in a big group of children aged from 5 to 12ish.
> 
> I also don't understand why you would be worried about going into town by yourself as an adult...do you live in a really rough area?

I have been attacked twice by complete strangers for no reason whatsoever. You'd probably be a bit nervous too.


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## Andypanda6570

I have 3 boys, now older.. 23, 20 and 14.. They would never ever in a million years at the age of 8 be permitted to leave the front of my house.. I didn't let any of them start walking anywhere ( Even the store, which is 5 blocks away) till they were 13 and never further than that.

I live in an excellent neighborhood, what does that mean? Bad people are everywhere, they don't care about zip codes.. It's what you feel comfortable with and I in NO way would feel comfortable with an 8 yr. old leaving my front area..
I don't care where you live, how much money you have or whatever, bad people are everywhere. I think at age 8 they are more easily swayed by these dirt-bags, at 12 I think they are a bit more mature and aware of the danger, certainly more than 8 yrs. old.. JMO


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## Natsku

You have to have the rules that you feel comfortable with but its good to put things into perspective - stranger abductions of children are extremely rare in the US (and UK, Canada etc.), I think I remember reading somewhere that there's a greater risk of your child having a heart attack than being abducted by a stranger but I'm sure you don't worry about him having a heart attack! 

Its important for children to have some freedom to explore so that they can learn independence, responsibility and risk-management but of course don't give more freedom than you feel comfortable with as otherwise you'd spend the whole time worrying. But its good to consider how low the risks really are.


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## RachA

I thought about this thread the other day. My sister was visiting a mutual friend and the friends son (he's 3) was approached by a stranger in their back garden! The back fence was down so a usually very safe back garden was accessible to strangers. 

You have to approach it in a way you are happy with. It doesn't matter what type of area you live in really-there is danger everywhere. But you don't want to be paranoid to the point of freakish your child out so that they never want to leave the house. 
To me it's about respecting the boundaries put in place as each child is different. 
I would never let my children play in the front garden if I wasn't there too-they have no need to as we have a big back garden. I allow them to play on the pavement if I am in the front garden. My eldest knows he's not allowed out the front on his own and the other day he did just that so he was told off. 
Once he gets to senior school age he will be getting himself to and from school on his own. At this point I won't have any problem with him walking round to see friends etc as long as he follows the boundaries that have been agreed.


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## minties

How do all these kids get to school if they aren't allowed to walk anywhere?


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## Neko

minties said:


> How do all these kids get to school if they aren't allowed to walk anywhere?

Bus if they live far enough away, or you drive them/walk them. 

I see the OP lives in Boston, MA. That's a large city like London. It definitely is not a town to be letting young children roam free in.


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## cookette

My SD is 8, I live in a rural small town where everyone knows everyone. No way in hell is she leaving the yard without me or her dad.

OP stated that is their rule and her kid broke it and learned a lesson. Just like all aspects of pregnancy or caring for an infant, people will have what they are comfortable with.


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## hattiehippo

minties said:


> How do all these kids get to school if they aren't allowed to walk anywhere?

I would hope by the time my son is 9-10 he can walk on his own or with a small group of friends. But we a lucky that his school is 7 mins walk away and there is only 1 semi busy road to cross with a crossing patrol person.

I think the point here is that your life experiences are going to heavily influence how much freedom you are comfortable giving your child. Of course you're going to be more cautious if something has happened to you or nearby to where you live. But I do think it's really important to try and give kids some space as they get older and I just not comfortable with scaring them and teaching them that the world is a place where someone is looking to take them all the time.


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## fieryphoenix

minties said:


> How do all these kids get to school if they aren't allowed to walk anywhere?

The school bus takes them, or the parent takes them. When I was growing up school was 10 miles away, not really practical to walk lol


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## RachA

fieryphoenix said:


> minties said:
> 
> 
> How do all these kids get to school if they aren't allowed to walk anywhere?
> 
> The school bus takes them, or the parent takes them. When I was growing up school was 10 miles away, not really practical to walk lolClick to expand...

Think that's a definite difference between the uk and us. Most primary schools here are within walking distance. Senior schools are further out but for us that would be about a 15-20 cycle. Once DS goes to senior school we'll be expecting him to cycle, use the bus or walk.


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## Natsku

RachA said:


> fieryphoenix said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> minties said:
> 
> 
> How do all these kids get to school if they aren't allowed to walk anywhere?
> 
> The school bus takes them, or the parent takes them. When I was growing up school was 10 miles away, not really practical to walk lolClick to expand...
> 
> Think that's a definite difference between the uk and us. Most primary schools here are within walking distance. Senior schools are further out but for us that would be about a 15-20 cycle. Once DS goes to senior school we'll be expecting him to cycle, use the bus or walk.Click to expand...

Same difference over here. Schools are either close enough to walk or cycle to or they take public transportation, no school buses here.


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## CandyDay

I live in Canada and I would not allow my 8 year old to walk any where by himself. I know that when I was around 8 I was allowed to walk around by myself. But times are different now and I wouldn't allow my 8year old to walk around by himself. I trust him its other people that I don't know that I don't trust. And I know other people here that feel the same way. And I would walk my son to school and pick him up if he needed to walk.

The OP made a rule for her son to follow and bottom line is he didn't. He should be disciplined for not listening. Whether people agree with the rule or not is not the point. The point is he didn't listen.


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## minties

I'm not in the UK or US (New Zealand) and had to walk to school no matter how far it was. Which sucked in the winter! 

There was a school bus at highschool, but you had to walk to the busstop anyway so for me that was about as far as school was so seemed pointless. Also one bus and over 1000 students meant it was hard to get a ride...and 60cents each ride so mum wasn't keen on it.

Mine will be walking as I don't have a car, but I will walk with them.

I agree he should have followed the rules. I don't agree that times are different though, there have always been bad people out there.

The amount of mums driving to pick their kids up from school is actually becoming a nightmare and hazard around out local streets as they drive like maniacs and all fight for parking spaces. One nearly clipped the pram once when I was on a crossing and another lady flew through a stop sign and almost smashed into the side of another persons car the other day. They also drive up onto the footpath and use it like a road sometimes. Scares me!


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## Natsku

minties said:


> I'm not in the UK or US (New Zealand) and had to walk to school no matter how far it was. Which sucked in the winter!
> 
> There was a school bus at highschool, but you had to walk to the busstop anyway so for me that was about as far as school was so seemed pointless. Also one bus and over 1000 students meant it was hard to get a ride...and 60cents each ride so mum wasn't keen on it.
> 
> Mine will be walking as I don't have a car, but I will walk with them.
> 
> I agree he should have followed the rules. I don't agree that times are different though, there have always been bad people out there.
> 
> *The amount of mums driving to pick their kids up from school is actually becoming a nightmare and hazard around out local streets as they drive like maniacs and all fight for parking spaces. One nearly clipped the pram once when I was on a crossing and another lady flew through a stop sign and almost smashed into the side of another persons car the other day. They also drive up onto the footpath and use it like a road sometimes. Scares me*!

Driving kids to school makes it so much more dangerous for the ones that walk. Most kids walk or bike here but some parents drive their kids and as soon as the school year started the local newspaper put out an article asking parents not to drive their kids as it is dangerous.


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## Wriggley

Natsku said:


> minties said:
> 
> 
> I'm not in the UK or US (New Zealand) and had to walk to school no matter how far it was. Which sucked in the winter!
> 
> There was a school bus at highschool, but you had to walk to the busstop anyway so for me that was about as far as school was so seemed pointless. Also one bus and over 1000 students meant it was hard to get a ride...and 60cents each ride so mum wasn't keen on it.
> 
> Mine will be walking as I don't have a car, but I will walk with them.
> 
> I agree he should have followed the rules. I don't agree that times are different though, there have always been bad people out there.
> 
> *The amount of mums driving to pick their kids up from school is actually becoming a nightmare and hazard around out local streets as they drive like maniacs and all fight for parking spaces. One nearly clipped the pram once when I was on a crossing and another lady flew through a stop sign and almost smashed into the side of another persons car the other day. They also drive up onto the footpath and use it like a road sometimes. Scares me*!
> 
> Driving kids to school makes it so much more dangerous for the ones that walk. Most kids walk or bike here but some parents drive their kids and as soon as the school year started the local newspaper put out an article asking parents not to drive their kids as it is dangerous.Click to expand...

parents park ON the round abouts near the schools near us its really frustrating


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## Natsku

Wriggley said:


> Natsku said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> minties said:
> 
> 
> I'm not in the UK or US (New Zealand) and had to walk to school no matter how far it was. Which sucked in the winter!
> 
> There was a school bus at highschool, but you had to walk to the busstop anyway so for me that was about as far as school was so seemed pointless. Also one bus and over 1000 students meant it was hard to get a ride...and 60cents each ride so mum wasn't keen on it.
> 
> Mine will be walking as I don't have a car, but I will walk with them.
> 
> I agree he should have followed the rules. I don't agree that times are different though, there have always been bad people out there.
> 
> *The amount of mums driving to pick their kids up from school is actually becoming a nightmare and hazard around out local streets as they drive like maniacs and all fight for parking spaces. One nearly clipped the pram once when I was on a crossing and another lady flew through a stop sign and almost smashed into the side of another persons car the other day. They also drive up onto the footpath and use it like a road sometimes. Scares me*!
> 
> Driving kids to school makes it so much more dangerous for the ones that walk. Most kids walk or bike here but some parents drive their kids and as soon as the school year started the local newspaper put out an article asking parents not to drive their kids as it is dangerous.Click to expand...
> 
> parents park ON the round abouts near the schools near us its really frustratingClick to expand...

Key their cars! :haha:


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## RachA

I witnessed a parent arguing with a traffic warden the other day - she was quite clearly parked on double yellow lines - the type that have the two yellow lines on the kerb as well as the road. She was saying 'but i was only dropping them off at school'. Fairly sure she still got a ticket as there was no reason at all that she needed to park where she was - the child wasn't even going to be late to school if she had to find elsewhere to park as there are always spaces just a little further away. It's almost as if because they are driving they have a right to park where they like. I will drive my two to school but what i do is park about a 5-8min walk away from the school. It saves me about 10min if i do this, the children still get to walk a way and it's a really safe place to park the car.


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