# Unexpected and freaking out



## Isla04

Hi everyone. I just joined this site today. My names Isla. I just took a pregnancy test last night and it was positive. I’m freaking out! My boyfriend and I are 16.

About 2 weeks ago I started to feel a little nauseous but only threw up 1 time. I thought I was just sick with something. Then I noticed I was having major mood swings and thought my period must be coming. But I checked the dates and realized I already missed a period and the period before that was really light and not normal either. I just decided it was probably something else, like being sick or stress or something. I still kept worrying that I could be pregnant but tried to just forget about it. Then this weekend a had a ton of clear discharge (tmi I know) and my boobs were hurting and they look real my puffy and I can’t really tell if they look bigger but they look different.

I only took one test and am hoping it’s wrong. I think I’m going to go get another test today or maybe 2 more tests. I just feel like maybe something else could be causing it.

I wasn’t on birth control but we always used protection except a few times when he pulled out. I just can’t be pregnant.


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## CC94

Hi there, hope you get the outcome you’re wishing for. Just wanted to say I had my first just after turning 17, pregnant at 16. I broke it off with her dad during that time so I was a single momma. 

I’m now 25 and she’s now 8, I still graduated and built a pretty darn good life for us. It was hard, but I love being such a young momma now. If you are pregnant, it’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to have bad days - even a lot of them - but it’s not the end of your life. Just the beginning of it actually. <3 


ETA- my parents of course weren’t happy, but they absolutely fell in love with my daughter and have been nothing but the best of support for us x


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## Heather.1987

Sounds like you are definitely pregnant. I would let your parents know so you can start getting prenatal care asap. Please find a good support system for you thru this! This will be challenging, but you can do this!!


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## Isla04

CC94 said:


> Hi there, hope you get the outcome you’re wishing for. Just wanted to say I had my first just after turning 17, pregnant at 16. I broke it off with her dad during that time so I was a single momma.
> 
> I’m now 25 and she’s now 8, I still graduated and built a pretty darn good life for us. It was hard, but I love being such a young momma now. If you are pregnant, it’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to have bad days - even a lot of them - but it’s not the end of your life. Just the beginning of it actually. <3
> 
> 
> ETA- my parents of course weren’t happy, but they absolutely fell in love with my daughter and have been nothing but the best of support for us x

It just feels like the end of my life. I never thought this would happen to me, which I know sounds really stupid. If I really am pregnant, I don’t even know how far. I don’t know if the period I had was even a real period or not. I just turned 16 in January so I would still be 16 once the baby was born *if* I’m actually pregnant. My boyfriend turns 17 in a couple of months. I haven’t even told him yet. I don’t even want to say it. I just was awake basically all last night just looking up stuff online and trying to think of what to do.


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## Isla04

Heather.1987 said:


> Sounds like you are definitely pregnant. I would let your parents know so you can start getting prenatal care asap. Please find a good support system for you thru this! This will be challenging, but you can do this!!

Do you think based on my symptoms and 1 positive test that it’s like 99% sure I am pregnant? Are tests ever wrong?? I know I saw online they usually don’t give false positives. I’ve seriously been praying for anything else that could cause this.

I can’t even imagine telling my parents. They’ll be so mad at me. I’ve sworn to them so many times that we weren’t having sex.


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## lisaalove

Oh hun, your parents probably know you're having sex anyways. I had my oldest when I was 15. He turns ten this year. I found out on new years and kept it a secret for about a month because I just didnt know what to do or how to say it. Well my parents knew and brought home a pregnancy test and made me take it. I just want to tell you that you have options and the sooner you talk to a dr the sooner you can find out what those options are for you. It is difficult no matter what you end up doing but you will probably be suprised by the people around you and who ends up supporting you.
After I decided I couldn't go through with termination I told my parents I would do adoption. (They just did not want me to have a child) well I kept looking at adoptive families and my mom was hiding things in the basement the entire time. When I broke down and told her a month before I was due that I couldn't do the adoption either she said of course you cant hunny I can see it in your eyes. And she brought up all the baby stuff she had been buying and told me she was going to support me no matter what I chose.
This is just my story but you will make your own and whatever you choose will be right for you!


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## Isla04

lisaalove said:


> Oh hun, your parents probably know you're having sex anyways. I had my oldest when I was 15. He turns ten this year. I found out on new years and kept it a secret for about a month because I just didnt know what to do or how to say it. Well my parents knew and brought home a pregnancy test and made me take it. I just want to tell you that you have options and the sooner you talk to a dr the sooner you can find out what those options are for you. It is difficult no matter what you end up doing but you will probably be suprised by the people around you and who ends up supporting you.
> After I decided I couldn't go through with termination I told my parents I would do adoption. (They just did not want me to have a child) well I kept looking at adoptive families and my mom was hiding things in the basement the entire time. When I broke down and told her a month before I was due that I couldn't do the adoption either she said of course you cant hunny I can see it in your eyes. And she brought up all the baby stuff she had been buying and told me she was going to support me no matter what I chose.
> This is just my story but you will make your own and whatever you choose will be right for you!

I don’t know, I think I was a pretty good liar when they pressed me about it, but maybe they know and just don’t want to admit it. 

I’m going to the store to get another test and will take it today when I get home.


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## Heather.1987

Pregnancy tests are pretty accurate. First step is to tell your boyfriend and family. Then 2nd step is to go to your obgyn for a check up. I think once you see that little baby on the ultrasound itll help a little. You can do this!


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## Isla04

I took 2nd test about 20 minutes ago and it was positive.


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## tdog

Isla04 said:


> I took 2nd test about 20 minutes ago and it was positive.

Awww hunni you always think it never happens to you but it does, I had my first when I was 17 I got told at 15 I couldn't have babies, she is now 14 and as a parent of that age you don't want to think of your kid having sex (older obviously) but we no it happens and if I ever found her in this situation I'd love to think she can talk to me, yes I'd be upset but I'd support her, you have to do the right thing for you sweetie but please please please don't stress yourself and tell your partner and parents and take it from there, as said above you have options and again please don't go through these options alone xxx


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## Isla04

So I made a post a little bit ago and noticed it said it was waiting for moderator approval. Then I looked at the rules (yeah should have done that sooner) and I’m guessing it’s because I mentioned a certain word that isn’t allowed here? So I’m making this post assuming my last post won’t be allowed. And I’m sorry for not reading the rules earlier. 

I couldn’t even say that I was pregnant to my bf. I literally feel sick saying that I’m pregnant. I mean I know I took 2 positive tests but it doesn’t feel real to me at all and every time I try to really imagine this happening to me I serious feel like I’m going to throw up. I was up until like 3 am last night looking stuff up just trying to rationalize that it could be ANYTHING else. I know that sounds really stupid after I took the tests but oh well.

So since I couldn’t even say it, I texted my bf a pic of one of the tests and he was like “wtf is that? What are you telling me?” I still couldn’t even say I was pregnant. I just said the test was mine and he was like “you”re pregnant?” Then like 10 minutes went by without a response from him at all. Then he comes back and said it’s all okay. I’m thinking how can he just say it’s all okay?! Then he said he can afford a you know what. So I told him I don’t know what I want to do. I want this all to go away but I don’t feel like I can decide right this second. I can’t even accept that I’m truly pregnant yet. He was like “you’ve got to be kidding me? You want a baby right now? You want to tell our parents?” And of course my answer to all of that is no, but I’m too freaked out to make any decision so quickly and apparently he didn’t even have to think about it. He said he doesn’t really understand why I’d consider anything else and he’s really sorry this happened hit we can’t have a kid and the answer is simple.


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## tdog

Awww sweetie you have to decide what's best for you no one can decide for you only you I no you must be so freaked out but trust me us ladies are amazing and so strong, whatever you decide is what's best for you, sending huge :hugs: xxx


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## Sander

I can’t imagine making such a big decision at your age, I’m sorry you have to go through it. My best word of advice to you is to be very very sure about what you decide to do, and don’t let anyone pressure you. You need to feel confident in your choice because it’s a very big decision that will affect you forever - no matter what you choose to do. 

Hugs, we’re here to talk it out


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## lisaalove

I agree with what the ladies above said, whatever you choose it is your choice and no one else's and do not let anyone pressure you into something you are not comfortable with. If you have a good friend you can talk to it might be helpful. My best friend was the first person I told and she just listened she didnt talk back or give me advice she just let me get every single thought out of my head. It's hard no matter what you choose to do. *big hugs to you*


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## CC94

Isla04 said:


> It just feels like the end of my life. I never thought this would happen to me, which I know sounds really stupid. If I really am pregnant, I don’t even know how far. I don’t know if the period I had was even a real period or not. I just turned 16 in January so I would still be 16 once the baby was born *if* I’m actually pregnant. My boyfriend turns 17 in a couple of months. I haven’t even told him yet. I don’t even want to say it. I just was awake basically all last night just looking up stuff online and trying to think of what to do.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I would really recommend talking to somebody close to you, aside from your bf, or seeing a doctor to confirm things/ get information - I’m not sure where you are located, but after age 13 here appts are confidential if you’re not ready for your parents to know quite yet...

talking to somebody will help immensely, it is a very scary, very intimidating thing, but it does get better. <3

My daughters dad also immediately assumed a you know what, I made sure I made the best decision for myself, others may not agree, but at that point I had totally excluded him from everything. I needed to talk with those less biased and who were closest to me.


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## Heather.1987

I am prolife, I'm not going to hide that. I do understand you're still young and this can definitely be a scary and unsure time. Sometimes thinking getting rid of the "issue" will be a quick and easy, but it's not. You cant change the fact that you are pregnant and there is a little baby in there. Even after the procedure, the baby may not be there, but the thought will always be. I really encourage you talking to your parents or your dr. Some areas even have free clinics for ultrasounds and awesome resources for this difficult and unexpected journey. I know you are young and the thought of a baby is almost impossible, but know that adoption is another great and awesome gift to give a family that so desperately want one!


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## Hopfl4bbynbr4

As a mother of a teen mom let me tell you her story.

She was 16. He was 19 but we were told he was 18. They were dating for 8 months before we found out he was actually 19 because he slipped up and said something about buying a vape and I asked to see his license because at the time you could buy vapes and such at 19 but not 18. 

Anyway, he was over every day. They were always going on dates and going off with friends and doing stuff together. I talked to them about safe sex and even bought them condoms! One day she told me the condom broke and she needed the morning after pill. So his dad actually offered to pay the 50 bucks to get the pill for her so I let him. 

Then several months later she became so grumpy about everything, sleeping all day, eating foods she normally wouldn't eat and had all the symptoms. So I asked her if she could be pregnant. They both SWORE they used protection every time and there's NO way she could be pregnant. So a few weeks go by and she's still doing the same thing so I made her pee in a cup and I used one of my tests for her (her dad and I just had her little brother so I still had some tests left over from trying to get pregnant with him) the test immediately turned positive. 

I asked her what she wants. She said she didn't want it and wanted to get rid of it. So we made the appointment. Went to it. Found out she was 13 weeks and the cut off was 16 weeks. So I assured her in the office that I would support her with whatever she decided. We had 2 weeks to think about it and she still wanted to do it. I tell her to wait one more day. So we made the appointment, paid the almost 700 dollars and went home. Got up the next morning and she's crying and saying she can't do it (I knew she couldn't and knew she would have regretted it the rest of her life) 

Fast forward to today, they are still together she's an amazing mother he's an amazing dad. My husband and I don't have to pay for anything (of course we do but don't have to they take really good care of the baby) 

That baby, my grandson, is the best thing that could have happened to us. He's a piece of our lives that we didn't know we needed and I couldn't imagine my life without my grandson right now. He's 10 months old now.

She got her GED and is now in college going to be a nurse. 

It hard. REALLY hard. But it's not the end of the world. You can still finish school you can still accomplish your goals. It'll just be a little harder and take a little longer but you can do it. My daughter did.


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## Isla04

So I haven’t told anyone since i told my bf. I’m not comfortable telling anyone else, even my friends or best friend. It feels like if I say it then it’ll be real and I am too scared that somebody will tell somebody else and suddenly many people will know.

I’m trying to figure out how far along I am. The last period I remember was sometimes in the first week of May but I don’t remember the exact date. I think it was like end of April through first few days of May. I looked it up and it means I’m 6-7 weeks?

sorry I had to edit this post because this site acts weird on my phone when I try to quote somebody’s message and specifically respond to a post.


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## Isla04

CC94 said:


> I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I would really recommend talking to somebody close to you, aside from your bf, or seeing a doctor to confirm things/ get information - I’m not sure where you are located, but after age 13 here appts are confidential if you’re not ready for your parents to know quite yet...
> 
> talking to somebody will help immensely, it is a very scary, very intimidating thing, but it does get better. <3
> 
> My daughters dad also immediately assumed a you know what, I made sure I made the best decision for myself, others may not agree, but at that point I had totally excluded him from everything. I needed to talk with those less biased and who were closest to me.

I didn’t know that some places allowed minors to go to the doctor without their parents knowing. I’m in the US and i just looked it up and in my state the doctors have to keep it confidential and can’t give any information to parents without the minor’s consent. But I don’t know how I’d go to the doctor without my parents knowing since I’d have to use insurance. I guess I could go to some sort of crisis pregnancy center but those places scare me. I feel weird going there. I’m also sort of scared to go to the doctor without my parents....I’ve never gone to any doctor without one of my parents with me.


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## Heather.1987

Eventually your parents and everyone else will find out. Better to tell them now so you and baby get the best care possible. :flower:


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## Sander

What are you feeling like you want to do? 

You could pick which parent you feel like would take the news best, then see if they will go out for lunch with you (if that’s allowed where you are). It would be easier to tell them in a public place.


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## lisaalove

If you are in AK theres a crisis center in Anchorage that's great. I went there multiple times and everything is free. They'll do a urine test and scan to see how far along you are. (I even went there with my second boy when I was about 14w because I stopped feeling him move and was worried and they did a scan just because) 
If you're in NV (Vegas) there's one off of Sahara, I haven't been to it but they also have completely free services. 
I dont know anything about the other states but crisis centers arent scary, just make sure you know which kind your walking into. There are prolife and prochoice ones. It is a scary thing to be pregnant. Hell even now at 25 I get scared of the unknown every time I get pregnant and I'm trying to have another baby. Remember to try and breathe, you are strong and capable.


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## Isla04

Heather.1987 said:


> Eventually your parents and everyone else will find out. Better to tell them now so you and baby get the best care possible. :flower:

well there is 1 option where nobody has to find out...but I understand the we’re not really supposed to discuss it here.


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## Isla04

Sander said:


> What are you feeling like you want to do?
> 
> You could pick which parent you feel like would take the news best, then see if they will go out for lunch with you (if that’s allowed where you are). It would be easier to tell them in a public place.

I really don’t know what I want. I still can’t even believe this is really happening to me. It feels unreal most of the time.

My family’s still pretty much avoiding going places, but a public place might be a good idea. I think I’d feel too weird with other people around.


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## Isla04

lisaalove said:


> If you are in AK theres a crisis center in Anchorage that's great. I went there multiple times and everything is free. They'll do a urine test and scan to see how far along you are. (I even went there with my second boy when I was about 14w because I stopped feeling him move and was worried and they did a scan just because)
> If you're in NV (Vegas) there's one off of Sahara, I haven't been to it but they also have completely free services.
> I dont know anything about the other states but crisis centers arent scary, just make sure you know which kind your walking into. There are prolife and prochoice ones. It is a scary thing to be pregnant. Hell even now at 25 I get scared of the unknown every time I get pregnant and I'm trying to have another baby. Remember to try and breathe, you are strong and capable.

Lol I don’t live in either of those places but I can probably find somewhere near me. I just don’t really have the courage to go yet.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Just tell your parents. None of this will go away/ get easier if you prolong it. There won't be a perfect exact moment.. just do it

As for your doodle boyfriend, if mine suggested that as the first course of action WITHOUT a discussion, his butt would be broken up with. Geez..he acts like he's put out. Oy


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## Isla04

I know but the longer I wait to tell them, the less time I have to deal with how upset they’ll be

Yeah I’m not really happy with my bf right now. He said he isn’t trying to tell me what to do, but just assumed that I’d have enough common sense to know that this will ruin our lives. He also said that it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. TO HIM!


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## Sander

Oh brother. It’s not happening to him #-o

If you decide you want to keep the baby, it will not ruin your life, I think you should know that. Certain things will be more challenging for sure, but you will never look at that child and think they ruined your future. 

When I was having my 2nd baby I had to make a decision on how I wanted to deliver and what I did was look at my options, and paid attention to how each one made me feel. What was my gut intuition. I made myself take every option seriously, and my own feelings made themselves clear. 

Someone mentioned giving the baby up for adoption, is that something you’ve considered?

I also feel like you should consider that your parents will likely find out even if you do not choose to keep the baby. That procedure can be painful both physically and emotionally. I don’t say it to scare you, but I know ladies who have gone through it (although they lost their babies beforehand), and it wasn’t an easy, pain-free option. Unfortunately there is no easy out in this kind of situation, which is why you should give a lot of thought to what you want to do.


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## lisaalove

Isla04 said:


> I know but the longer I wait to tell them, the less time I have to deal with how upset they’ll be
> 
> Yeah I’m not really happy with my bf right now. He said he isn’t trying to tell me what to do, but just assumed that I’d have enough common sense to know that this will ruin our lives. He also said that it’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to him. TO HIM!

I just have to say it but what the hell?! To him? Hes not the one who carries the baby for 9 months deals with middle of the night leg cramps and labor. He just has to support your decision.
From what you said it doesn't sound like you want to go through with termination, I could be wrong but the phrase of less time for them to be mad is something I thought as a teen. But really if you are thinking you may want to parent then you should try and think about it as more time to prepare instead.

ETA hope that didnt come off super momish lol but I suppose I am one.


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## Bevziibubble

This is not your boyfriend's decision. He is acting very selfishly and unreasonably.


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## Isla04

Sander said:


> Oh brother. It’s not happening to him #-o
> 
> If you decide you want to keep the baby, it will not ruin your life, I think you should know that. Certain things will be more challenging for sure, but you will never look at that child and think they ruined your future.
> 
> When I was having my 2nd baby I had to make a decision on how I wanted to deliver and what I did was look at my options, and paid attention to how each one made me feel. What was my gut intuition. I made myself take every option seriously, and my own feelings made themselves clear.
> 
> Someone mentioned giving the baby up for adoption, is that something you’ve considered?
> 
> I also feel like you should consider that your parents will likely find out even if you do not choose to keep the baby. That procedure can be painful both physically and emotionally. I don’t say it to scare you, but I know ladies who have gone through it (although they lost their babies beforehand), and it wasn’t an easy, pain-free option. Unfortunately there is no easy out in this kind of situation, which is why you should give a lot of thought to what you want to do.

When I try to think about my gut feelings, even those are unclear. They seem to change all the time. I haven’t really know for long so it’s like half the time it doesn’t even feel real. I feel like I’m still stuck on seeing the positive test for the first time. I have them hidden in my room and every time my mom goes upstairs I think she’s going to go in there for something else and find them, even though she’d really have to dig.

I know adoption is an option but I haven’t given it a lot of thought yet. If I don’t have that procedure and if I don’t keep the baby myself I guess it’s the only option so I better look at it maybe. But I just can’t imagine me being pregnant and giving birth. I just can’t see it happening.

I am totally scared of that procedure. Haven’t ruled it out but it’s really scary to me especially without my parents there. I’ve never had any sort of medical procedure in my whole life.


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## Sander

Isla04 said:


> When I try to think about my gut feelings, even those are unclear. They seem to change all the time. I haven’t really know for long so it’s like half the time it doesn’t even feel real. I feel like I’m still stuck on seeing the positive test for the first time. I have them hidden in my room and every time my mom goes upstairs I think she’s going to go in there for something else and find them, even though she’d really have to dig.
> 
> I know adoption is an option but I haven’t given it a lot of thought yet. If I don’t have that procedure and if I don’t keep the baby myself I guess it’s the only option so I better look at it maybe. But I just can’t imagine me being pregnant and giving birth. I just can’t see it happening.
> 
> I am totally scared of that procedure. Haven’t ruled it out but it’s really scary to me especially without my parents there. I’ve never had any sort of medical procedure in my whole life.

I don’t know how medical care in the States works with insurance etc, but is there any way you can get to a doctor privately? Like do your parents get a copy of the bill or? 

You should consider taking prenatal vitamins, you can buy them at the grocery store and they have ones that are chewable and fruit flavoured. It’s important for the baby to have folic acid. 

Maybe you can watch some YouTube videos of other teen moms. There are lots of videos out there that could give you an idea of what to expect and how they told their parents


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## OnErth&InHvn

This might be silly to ask, but have you looked into what happens during abortion? I think sometimes in society we think its this easy, quick, done thing but its not. We shoo it away as nothing. Pro life or choice, YOU need to be informed on how the procedure is carried out on you and the baby.

You should look at adoption as well. What goes into it, its not easy either as they make it seem. 

You could Google options for keeping the baby. What help could you get IF your parents didn't help. What help could you get IF your parents did help. Etc. Help meaning medical, educational, child care, etc. 

It seems right now that you can't see the future and in a way, thats mature. You're NOT making a quick decision and thats GOOD! Be proud of yourself for that. 

Your boyfriend is a doof.


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## Sander

How are you doing Isla?


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## Isla04

Sorry for not coming back and updating. Just a lot of stuff going on and I just felt weird talking about the pregnancy and was so confused about everything.

So a few weekends ago my dad and brother were gone for the night so me, mom, and my sister were going to order sushi take out. My dad and brother hate sushi so it’s sort of our tradition when they’re gone to get it. Anyway, I had been trying to work up the courage to tell me mom but I hadn’t plan to do it at that moment, but I just asked “Can you eat sushi if you’re pregnant?” And my mom was like “No, but what does it matter? Who is pregnant?” And I said that I was, sort of not expecting myself to really say it. My mom and sister thought I was joking for a sec. My sister (2 yrs younger than me) looked like she was going to pass out she was so shocked. My mom didn’t yell or get super upset, but she was basically like “no no no, are you sure? You’re probably not really..” But I told her I already missed possibly 2 periods and took 2 tests. And then I started crying and saying I was sorry and my mom started crying and hugged me and told me she needs time to process this and that we’d figure everything out.

So then I just felt sort of relieved but also really weird and uncomfortable. Then the next day my mom made me tell my dad. I wanted her to do it for me but she refused. My dad isn’t mean or anything but I felt more awkward telling him like he would take it worse. He didn’t yell at me either but he was definitely upset because he’s the one who has sort of been more open about talking about relationship stuff with me and being responsible and all that. And then I told him that my bf really wanted me to get an abortion and I just didn’t know what I wanted to do and he pretty much resolved to kill my bf at that point. 

I went to the doctor last week because my mom made me and went with me and I’m like 13 weeks pregnant now, due January 10.


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## Flueky88

I'm so glad you told your parents and it really sounds like it went well even if it doesn't feel like it. Also happy you seen the ob too as prenatal care is important. Wishing you the best whatever you decide.


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## Heather.1987

I'm so proud that you talked to your parents and saw your ob! That must've been so hard, but you did it! And thank you for updating us too! Congrats and I hope you continue to have wonderful support!


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## tdog

Yey I'm so happy to read this :) that be a huge lifting for you aswell wishing you all the best in the future whatever you decide xx


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## Sander

Aw I’m very glad you were able to tell your parents. It sounds like they’re supportive of you which is really great. I’m sure it must have been a hard thing for you to do :hugs:

If you decide to keep the baby, there’s a January pregnancy group on this site with other women due in January (and February). Sometimes it’s nice to be able to talk to other people at a similar gestation. I’m due January 1st so we’re actually pretty close :)


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## OnErth&InHvn

This is a happy update!!!


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## Bevziibubble

I'm so glad you told them :)


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## Skyye

lisaalove said:


> Oh hun, your parents probably know you're having sex anyways. I had my oldest when I was 15. He turns ten this year. I found out on new years and kept it a secret for about a month because I just didnt know what to do or how to say it. Well my parents knew and brought home a pregnancy test and made me take it. I just want to tell you that you have options and the sooner you talk to a dr the sooner you can find out what those options are for you. It is difficult no matter what you end up doing but you will probably be suprised by the people around you and who ends up supporting you.
> After I decided I couldn't go through with termination I told my parents I would do adoption. (They just did not want me to have a child) well I kept looking at adoptive families and my mom was hiding things in the basement the entire time. When I broke down and told her a month before I was due that I couldn't do the adoption either she said of course you cant hunny I can see it in your eyes. And she brought up all the baby stuff she had been buying and told me she was going to support me no matter what I chose.
> This is just my story but you will make your own and whatever you choose will be right for you!

Omg THATS the sweetest thing ever your mom needs a crown ❤️

It’ll be okay girl, I’m 18 and preg with my first, Though I was TTC oof, my mom was NOT happy at first lol But she knew since I’m 18 she can’t do anything, it’s gonna be okay ❤️


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## Sander

How have you been doing Isla?


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## Isla04

Sorry for never updating. I just don’t really like talking about being pregnant I guess. For a while it was like the more I researched and tried to talk about it the more scared it made me and I was just feeling so confused about what decision to make. Tbh I really started leaning toward not continuing with the pregnancy over the summer after I went to my first doctors appointment. I didn’t feel right talking about that here because I don’t think we’re really supposed to and everyone else here is actually wanting to be pregnant.
Anyway I am still pregnant and planning to have the baby in January. I don’t feel sure about it and am not really excited about it but I didn’t feel any better about the other options either. It’s not like I have completely negative feelings about my own child but I just don’t know how to be excited about being a mom right now.
Luckily due to covid I’m doing school from home so I don’t have to deal with being pregnant at school where everyone can see me. Of course people know now but I would feel really uncomfortable going to school pregnant. 

My family is supporting me. My parents aren’t happy that I’m making them grandparents right now but they are still helping me. My boyfriend is still trying to completely accept my decision I think. He says he’s scared of the responsibility. He is working 2 jobs now to help pay for stuff. But his parents will basically force him to be involved if they have to because that’s just how they are. I think his parents were more upset and disappointed than mine.


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## Sander

Don’t worry, I think there are a lot of ladies on here who also deal with unexpected pregnancies and aren’t necessarily ready to become moms. Have you thought any more about adoption or do you think you’d like to raise the baby? Do you know the gender?

Sorry for the nosy questions :p I didn’t get excited with my babies either. It’s very hard to picture being a mom to a baby when it’s not even here yet. Something that helped me with my first was buying some clothes for the baby, and picking out a few of my favourite childhood books to read to him while I was pregnant. I would also try talking to him a lot because they can hear and recognize your voice! 

If you’re planning on raising the baby yourself, you have a lot to look forward to. (Of course adoption is great too!) My oldest is 2 and you can’t ever prepare for how much they steal your heart. I’ll show you a photo of him as a newborn and now - it really is amazing, even though it’s terrifying at first. You will do great :)


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## Isla04

How can I say it without sounding too negative? I don’t really like the idea of raising a baby but I also don’t think I can handle adoption. When I think about giving my baby away it’s just too hard to imagine and emotionally I don’t think I could do it. I feel like such a horrible person though. Like at this point I should feel happier about it idk. I mean there are moments where I feel excited or happy and I feel like I do love my baby. I think sometimes I feel like I just made a big mistake and am not supposed to be happy about this so I won’t let myself feel anything positive. 

It’s a girl. I was convinced it was a boy the whole time but I was wrong. 

Your son is really cute. So crazy how much they change in such a short time.


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## Becca_89

I just read all your posts from start to finish, it sounds like you have come so far already! I am glad you didn't rush into any decisions and it sounds like your family have been super supportive! 

My first pregnancy, I was 25 but I had a lot of people pushing for termination, including the babies Dad who never came around. I lived in a different country to my family, but made the decision to move home. 

When a surprise like this happens, you will always think of the what ifs, and negative thoughts will enter your mind, its only natural as its not as planned. But hopefully things will only get better. 

I can imagine life has changed drastically for you, its a lot to adapt to. I am glad the Dads family have made him step up, it sounds like he has adjusted well and its good that he is admitting his nerves, something people find hard to admit. 

Do you read up on your pregnancy week by week? I found knowing what my baby looked like and was developing helped me to bond and get excited. 

Hope you're ok! You have come so so far in a few months, you've got this!! Xxxx


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## Isla04

I just worry I won’t be a good mom or that I won’t be able to handle it. I feel like she deserves more than me.

I have an app that updates me on the baby’s growth each week. I can also feel her moving around now so it all makes it a lot more real than before. When your baby’s the size of a peanut and you don’t feel it look too different it’s so much easier to sort of be in denial about it or put off making any decisions.


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## JAJuly2013

Hi Isla,
I've just read thru all the posts and wanted to say that I'm so proud of you for telling your parents and just how far you seem to have come since you first posted about your pregnancy. I'm sure it's very scary for you and it is very normal to have mixed feelings, doubts, fears and joy at the same time. 
I was 22 when I had my first. Not as young as you but I was single, in the military, across the country from my family and really had no support system at the time. The father was separated from his wife and it was just a crappy situation overall. I was happy to be pregnant but I too had days were I thought I had surely made a serious mistake. I had many doubts and periods of depression second guessing my ability to be a Mom. But here I am, 39 years old, married and pregnant with my 4th child. I couldnt be happier...and yet sometimes I think oh crap...what did we get ourselves into??? As a matter of fact I had the IUD in until June and my Mom knew that so my family wasnt expecting us to have more kids. Nobody but my hubby knew I had the IUD removed so we could try for one more...i was concerned my Mom would be upset. She wasn't but I know she was thinking...oh boy another one?! LOL
Anyway sorry for the long post. I really hope the pregnancy goes well for you and that your family continues to be a good support system for you. Big hugs to you hun!


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## Kiwiberry

Tbh sweetie, I think every women whether young, older, first baby or multiple worries about being a good mom. Love your baby & do what you can for them from your heart. You will do amazing jhst following that 1 rule for yourself. Whether anyone admits it or not, parenting is always a learning process. I have 3 kids and possibly one on the way & i am still learning how to be a good mommy. Also remember, you will make mistakes, we all do, but we learn from them too. A good parent puts their children first in everything.

I am so happy you told your parents :hugs:. Having that support behind you must have lifted a lot of worries for you.

Btw, congratulations on finding out you're having a sweet baby girl :pink:.


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## Sander

Honestly I didn’t feel a bond with any of my babies before they were born, it’s so so normal. It’s ok if you don’t want to think about it too much, things will change when you hold her for the first time :hugs:


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## Isla04

Well I guess it’s good to know that people of all ages get scared or feel u sure about being parents. I’m just laying in bed right now and realizing she’ll be here in a little over 3 months and it’s terrifying. I don’t even know how involved my boyfriend will be. He’s trying and he says one thing but we’ll see what he actually does once she’s here. I don’t want to be a single parent :(


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## Kiwiberry

Isla04 said:


> Well I guess it’s good to know that people of all ages get scared or feel u sure about being parents. I’m just laying in bed right now and realizing she’ll be here in a little over 3 months and it’s terrifying. I don’t even know how involved my boyfriend will be. He’s trying and he says one thing but we’ll see what he actually does once she’s here. I don’t want to be a single parent :(

He's probably going to seem a lot more into it once baby girl is born. A lot of the time even with other family members, it's hard for them to truly come to terms with a new baby until the baby is right in front of them. Then everyone will suddenly want to be involved. I'm sure a lot of drama will follow too, so be emotionally prepared for that. Also, it's ok for them to offer advice, but don't let anyone bully or pressure you on how you decide to raise or parent your baby. Remember, she is your child. Some people might even try to "take your place" because you're young, just stay strong and accept help only when you need it.


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## OnErth&InHvn

He may not end up being involved and you SHOULD have a back up plan, just in case. Why? Because you never know. Back up plan as in, child care, a job, a plan. 

He may be the most involved dad ever and you two co parent beautifully. That is an ideal situation. 

You can't worry, you just have to work with what you know right now and try to plan for what you cant know yet


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## Isla04

He’s not very interested right now. And doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t want to talk about any of it or what’s going to happen in about 3 months when she’s here. He leaves any decision up to me and when I complain about it he says that he offered advice (to end the pregnancy) and I didn’t take it so he sees no point in offering any more advice when I’m just going to do whah I want anyway - his words. I feel so sad and alone lately but especially today for some reason.


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## Bevziibubble

:hugs:❤️


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## JAJuly2013

:hugs:


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## AlanRickman

Isla04 said:


> He’s not very interested right now. And doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t want to talk about any of it or what’s going to happen in about 3 months when she’s here. He leaves any decision up to me and when I complain about it he says that he offered advice (to end the pregnancy) and I didn’t take it so he sees no point in offering any more advice when I’m just going to do whah I want anyway - his words. I feel so sad and alone lately but especially today for some reason.

How many weeks pregnant are you? Maybe he will feel differently when you look pregnant/he can feel the movements.


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## Isla04

AlanRickman said:


> How many weeks pregnant are you? Maybe he will feel differently when you look pregnant/he can feel the movements.

Well I'm 28 weeks pregnant now and feel like I'm actually looking pregnant now compared to just fat.


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## AlanRickman

Isla04 said:


> Well I'm 28 weeks pregnant now and feel like I'm actually looking pregnant now compared to just fat.

Well i hope he comes round. :lol:


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## Rags

Isla04 said:


> Well I'm 28 weeks pregnant now and feel like I'm actually looking pregnant now compared to just fat.

Hi, have you had a read through any of the threads in the 'single parents' forum? I know your partner is still in the picture, but as he's being so hands off it might be nice to see how others have tackled parenthood with less support? Many of the women have been in relationships that have broken down or where they have been 'left to it', some of the threads are from women who decided to become parents without having a partner at all. It's not the most active forum at the moment but there are lots of older threads to look through.


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## Kiwiberry

How are things going hun?


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## Isla04

Sorry for the late update/reply. I'm doing ok I guess. The baby's due in exactly a month. I feel huge and so uncomfortable. I want it to be over but I'm also so scared of the moment I go into labor. I'm not happy about covid but I am happy that it gives me an excuse to not have to go anywhere or be seen by anyone. I mean my friends and family all know that I'm pregnant but it's less awkward not having to go to school in person and stuff. 

It's going to be really hard when the baby gets here next month and school starts again. My bf and I are both doing all of our classes online and the baby won't be going to daycare or anything so we're going to be trying to take care of the baby and do our schoolwork. His mom is working from home full time and my mom is working from home part of the time so theyare going to help too. I'm really stressed about how it's all going to work out and just hoping he'll pull his weight with taking care of the baby because I already feel overwhelmed by everything.


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## Bevziibubble

I hope everything goes well ❤️


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## Rags

It's so good to hear from you again, gosh, only a month, how mad is that!!
Please, please know that feeling huge and overwhelmed and scared of labour and not knowing how you'll manage everything, all of it, it's really normal no matter what your age or how planned your pregnancy was or how prepared you thought you were to start a family. Your little family will be what you decide to make it like. Your families will love having a new baby about and you will learn to juggle better than you ever thought was possible - and if it doesn't feel like that for the first while then that's normal too. 
I hope you manage a nice Christmas and when you find you have some time to do something other than catching up with sleep, let us know how you're getting in. Xx


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## Tropiclands

Hello. I'm sorry that your boyfriend isn't being supportive. As others have suggested, you need to find others who are willing to listen and understand your situation.


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## Kiwiberry

How are things going? Wondering if your little peanut has made an entrance yet :). If so, how did the delivery go? Hope you're enjoying all those lovely newborn snuggles.


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## daneuse27

Hey, I just found this thread. Isla, you should so brave. I couldn't imagine going through what you're going through now at your age. You have handled this with so much maturity and strength. I admire you.

I hope that your boyfriend, his parents and your parents are all going to support you. 

By now your little bean must be born. I hope that all went well with the delivery and the early days. The early days can be tough but you will reminisce on them one day.

Sending hugs!


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## Isla04

Hi again everyone. My daughter was born January 11. I named her Amelia Charlene (Charlene is a family name). She is perfect and healthy. Delivery was really rough and I think I was more scared to have to go into the hospital during covid. Everyone had to wear masks the whole time and I could only have 1 person go in with me and stay with me the whole time. I chose my mom to be with me. Of course this made my bf upset even though he understood but it’s still weird not being there when your own child is born and not even being able to see the baby in person for over 2 days. I get guilty about it and still do but I was so scared something bad might happen and if so I wanted my mom there. But my family and my bf’s family came to the hospital to say hi through the window even though I was several stories up but we could still see each other so that was sweet. 

Anyway, we’re home now and just trying to get through each day. Both me and my bf will be doing school from home for the rest of the year due to covid. He comes over here during the school day’s and we take turns taking care of the baby while the other one does school work. My parents don’t want him spending the night, but not like we’d be doing anything anyway. I barely sleep at night at this point anyway. I feel filled with anxiety all the time and can’t relax. I’m always just waiting for the next time she cries at night. She doesn’t sleep for any amount of time at all. I’m a night owl too soo she probably gets it from me lol. I know it will eventually get better but right now I just feel so tired all the time. 

And I was going to type more but she is fussing again now but I’m getting used to constantly being interrupted when she needs something. I know that’s just part of it and she’s my #1 responsibility now


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## Bevziibubble

Congratulations!
It is totally normal to be filled with anxiety. I still remember the anxiety and fear I felt about the crying and not knowing what to do, when the baby would stop and if I was doing everything right. It's a scary time but you are doing great. The anxiety does ease over time but the newborn stage is such a big adjustment. This too shall pass :hugs:

I love her name :)


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## Rags

Huge congratulations, I'm so delighted she's here:D. YOU DID IT - how fantastic is that=D&gt;, don't ever underestimate what you achieved, you are fantastic and she is here because of how strong you, her mother, are (you can correct my poor grammar for an English assignment lol)
Please try to let the guilt over the birth slide away, only a couple of generations ago the father would never have been allowed in for the birth anyway, and there's research being done showing that a difficult labour can actually lead to anxiety and PTSD in partners who witness it (it seems to be because they are seeing two people they care about suffering and their instincts are telling them they should be doing something but they don't know what and they can't leave without feeling they've let the woman down) you may well have done him a favour and protected him and his future relationship with you and his daughter.
Take good care of yourself now too, rest when you can and say yes when family offer to do things for you, anything that let's you sit and enjoy a cuddle (or a sleep). Eat well, drink plenty and keep taking vitamins to get your body back to full strength, all of this will help you with your anxiety and get you hormones settled down into a normal pattern again (don't forget that's part of why you're anxious too, the first while is like being on you pmt week all the time!!). Don't judge yourself harshly as a parent, you are the mother she knows, so try not to compare yourself to others (although if you see them doing something you like pinch the idea\\:D/)
Good luck - YOU CAN DO THIS.


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## OnErth&InHvn

2 of our 4 kiddos, DH wasn't in the room. It doesn't change how he feels about them.


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## tdog

Oh yey I remember it well being 17 when had my daughter I was so anxious so overwhelmed and she was a night owl aswell, I wasn't I loved my sleep but had to adjust to her, the newborn part is hard especially when your first as you don't no what your doing, I mean they don't come with a manual :haha: but a huge congratulations what a gorgeous name xxx


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## Teanna

Congrats, I love her name BTW. It gets better but the first few months are hard, just get sleep when you can and let people help if they offer. Covid times are tough, don't feel guilty choosing your mother. She was likely more able to help having already gone through childbirth. You need who will be a bigger comfort and it sounds like you made the best choice for you.


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