# Numb....lost....I can't lose my baby :'(



## brandiw

I went for my ultrasound on Tuesday, I am 17 weeks. What was supposed to be a happy, exciting moment turned horrible in about 10 seconds after they started looking. They found a fluid sac from baby's head to his/her bum, a sac around by the neck, and a sack in his/her tummy, all full of fluid. There was a good strong heartbeat. Right away I was told that it is very obvious Chromosomal abnormalities. I went to my doctor right away, and she looked at the report and said it is not good....IF baby were to go to term...he/she would have no quality of life whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, she said this in a very sympathetic way, not harsh like I made it sound. She then sent me immediately to a specialist. The specialist said the same thing. I got an amnio done....and it is 2 weeks or so until I get results. I will be almost 20 weeks once the results come in. So, I was told that there is a chance I will miscarry, and if not....we have to discuss the options. That makes me sick to my stomach to hear....I know exactly what they mean....terminate my pregnancy. I feel numb....I feel like my whole world has just been taken away from me, crushed after a 2 minute ultrasound. The thought of "terminating" is horrifying to me....he/she still has a heartbeat....and is still MY baby. I guess the amnio will make everything more clear....but as of right now....I am already grieving....I don't know how else to take all of this. 

I had so much support here after my first loss...I was just hoping for someone who has heard of this before, or has experienced it.

Thank you


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## Warby

Oh no! How awful! I am so, so sorry.:hugs:


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## Jcliff

I'm so sorry! Was that your first ultra sound??


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## brandiw

Jcliff said:


> I'm so sorry! Was that your first ultra sound??

Yes, that was my first.


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## mummyof3babas

im soooooo sorry to hear this hun:( xx


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## Physiomom

I'm so sorry to hear about your U/S. I can understand how hard it is to wait for the amnio results. Thinking of you. Take care.


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## keepholdingon

Thinking of you :hugs: Lots of love and positive thoughts being sent your way. Wish I could do more for you.


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## sethsmummy

:hugs::hugs::hugs: sending you so much love hun! 

I have seen before on here a lady post about something similar but with just the "sac" from head to bum. And i do remember people saying that they had a similar thing said but everything turned out ok. I hope for you it is the same. I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. I wish you the best of luck with everything and i hope you have a lot of support around you right now when you need it xxxxx


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## amjon

You don't have to do anything. Even if something is wrong you can still continue with the pregnancy.


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## GoldieLocs

Keeping you and your little one in my thoughts and prayers.


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## catfromaus

Hope everything works out for you- it must be hard, but try and stay strong xx


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## brandiw

amjon said:


> You don't have to do anything. Even if something is wrong you can still continue with the pregnancy.

I know that I don't "have" to do anything....it is all my choice. Terminating might be the doctors recommendation, depending of course on the results. The only way that would ever ever even consider that....is ONLY if my baby was in severe pain....which is a possibility :cry: As much as that kills me, and as much as the mommy instinct kicks in to protect my little one no matter what....that's where I can't be selfish...and would have to do what's best. I will make all decisions after the results, and of course after different opinions. Afterall, the only thing I want is for my little one to be ok...to know mommy loves him/her no matter what...and to never be in pain.


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## brandiw

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and kind words. It means a lot to me :hugs:


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## Rafferty

I am so heartbroken for you. I can't imagine the stress you are under. I hope you can trust God's plan for this sweet baby's life and truly believe that He loves this child even more than you do. He has a perfect plan for this life inside you even though it breaks our hearts that some of our babys will never make it into our arms. They are safe and out of pain in His. Many prayers for you.


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## highhopes19

I'm so sorry to hear this Hun :hugs:.

My friend found out at a 20 week scan her little boy had fluid sacs on his head and neck. She was also also told the same as you, she went on to have her little boy.

I don't know the name of his condition he has, but he's doing really well considering what she was told he would be like when she pregnant. 

He's a happy contented one year old, he's behind compared to the average baby when it comes to sitting, walking, crawling etc, he also has problems witht his sight.but he's getting there he's just learning to sit with cushions around him at the moment. 

I can't imagine how hard it is for the drs to tell you that but just wanted to share my friends experience with you big hugs Hun :hugs::hugs::hugs: xxxxxx


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## kimbobaloo

:hugs: i cant begin to understand what you are going through i just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you. With my first pregnancy i was given the worst case scenario after some test results and everything turned out perfectly fine!! i just hope its the same case for you! :hugs:


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## cherrylee

Sending prayers.


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## chattyB

Thinking of you and praying for you both huni :hugs:


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## babyerin

..I hope that the doctors can give you more hope and everything turns out ok for you. :hugs:


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## mpg1502

Oh brandiw, you poor darling. My heart just aches for you. What a torturous wait for you. I know it must be almost impossibly hard to hang on to hope but please do. You sound like a lovely mummy and you will do your very best for your little baby whatever the outcome. Stay strong and we will all keep our fingers and toes crossed for you and your little baby. 

Much love and hope

Xxxx:hugs:Xxx


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## brandiw

Again, thank you SO much to everyone for all of the kind words....very heartwarming :hugs:

So....my doctor called with the first of my results back (not from the amnio yet, but from my bloodwork) it was negative for Downs, and for any Trisomy condition. The bloodwork is positive for Neural Tube Defects. We don't know any more details until the amnio results come in. My mind is racing with what that means :wacko: I NEED those results....I feel like I am losing my mind.... :cry:


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## Wispyshadow

I am so sorry. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and your family. If it is a neural tube defect do they think it is something they can repair in-utero? Again I'm so sorry and pray your family can find peace somewhere in all this and that you get answers quickly.


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## Taylah

My thoughts & prayers are with you during what must be the hardest wait of your life, please let us know how you go, we are all hoping for the best for you xxx


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## Marie131

Oh hun, I was in a similar situation 6 months ago. I am holding my perfectly healthy baby as I type this. None of my doctors ever thought things would turn out this way but they did.

Tests are just tests and doctors are just doctors. No one and nothing can tell you with certainty what is happening with your baby. Ultrasounds and blood tests are all just clues. Even amnio isn't 100% (I know an instance where it was wrong). I declined amnio despite having a growth restricted baby with 2 soft markers for down syndrome plus a positive blood screen. I was told if it was not down syndrome then it was certainly another syndrome because it just was not possible that my baby was normal. She is. I was told to prepare for a higher risk of stillbirth, I was offered termination. My baby is fine.

Have faith in your baby, have faith in God (if you believe). Miracles do happen. I pray your baby is a miracle too.


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## NYCmami

It bought tears to my eyes. I am truly sorry and hope everything does work out. May god give u strength during this time. Remember you will always be a mother


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## princessatmey

amjon said:


> You don't have to do anything. Even if something is wrong you can still continue with the pregnancy.

i agree can u not ask them if u can carry on maybe ur little ones a fighter and let nature take its course ie if u mis carry then thts ment be or if u deliver early then baby will be in good hands an if survives.it sounds like u want give bubba a chance but its a hard one as statistics arent good etc but maybe bubbas a fighter. ask yourself could u love an raise a baby tht has probs all its life or would you rather let it rip and try for a healthier preg. plus u/s can get it wrong ie mis things. so i could give birth to a disfigured etc baby as u cant see everything on u/s.i have a son an he has skin tag on ear which is common an harmless but u/s nvr showd this.

i hope u find nwses ur looking for it cant be an easy situation to be in 
best wishes too u it will be a difficult an long 2 week wait for u jst try an rest and not stress yourself i no its easy said than done as i have 11mnth son an am 34+2 wks preg with second


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## Medzi

I am so sorry for what you are going through and having to wait for results. My thoughts are with you and I hope everything is ok with your baby. :hugs:


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## maxalias

brandiw said:


> I went for my ultrasound on Tuesday, I am 17 weeks. What was supposed to be a happy, exciting moment turned horrible in about 10 seconds after they started looking. They found a fluid sac from baby's head to his/her bum, a sac around by the neck, and a sack in his/her tummy, all full of fluid. There was a good strong heartbeat. Right away I was told that it is very obvious Chromosomal abnormalities. I went to my doctor right away, and she looked at the report and said it is not good....IF baby were to go to term...he/she would have no quality of life whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, she said this in a very sympathetic way, not harsh like I made it sound. She then sent me immediately to a specialist. The specialist said the same thing. I got an amnio done....and it is 2 weeks or so until I get results. I will be almost 20 weeks once the results come in. So, I was told that there is a chance I will miscarry, and if not....we have to discuss the options. That makes me sick to my stomach to hear....I know exactly what they mean....terminate my pregnancy. I feel numb....I feel like my whole world has just been taken away from me, crushed after a 2 minute ultrasound. The thought of "terminating" is horrifying to me....he/she still has a heartbeat....and is still MY baby. I guess the amnio will make everything more clear....but as of right now....I am already grieving....I don't know how else to take all of this.
> 
> I had so much support here after my first loss...I was just hoping for someone who has heard of this before, or has experienced it.
> 
> Thank you

 Im so sorry sweetie, I went through the same thing, At me scan I was told baby had lots of fluid, Fetal hydrops and a massive cystic hygroma 10.6mm (nuchal measurement). It shattered my world, I dd have a feeling things were not right and I had also bled a wee bit at 8 weeks. I was told there wasnt much hope. I had a trip to Thailand planned the next day, We ewere told I could miscarry, In hindsight I should never have gone because if I had gone into labour over there it would have been terrifying. I got home after 3 weeks and had my specialist appointment and had a scan before the amnio, Baby had already gone, It was a blessing really because I never wanted to have to make that awful decision, I was give a tablet to soften the cervix and two days later I was induced. My wee darling Ricky (who we later found out was actually a girl!) was born on sept 1st this year. After an autopsy they found she Edwards syndrome, I was given a 1:1200 odds of having that after the combined screening at 12 weeks, We were that 1. I am happy to say I am 5.2 weeks pregnant again but I am so so scared, I send you all my love and hope you have a great support system. It is a life changing experience. I recommend taking lots of photos of your little one if you have to end the pregnancy or they pass away. I have my beautiful album to look back on when I am feeling brave. She should be kicking away in my belly now and it is so hard but you will get through this like I did. If you ever need to talk I am here xxxxxx


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## brandiw

I just wanted to give a breif update.

We have got some news. First of all...it's a girl :cloud9: 

We got the amnio results back, and also went for another ultrasound. She is not going to make it :cry: :cry: :cry: Too much against her. My poor girl has three major issues.... severe Turners syndrome, a massive cystic hygroma, and fetal hydrops around every organ. Her little heart will not be able to keep up.

I don't have much more to say right now....but I just wanted to let you wonderful ladies know where things stand.

:hugs:


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## GoldieLocs

Sorry to hear this.


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## Medzi

So sad and sorry to read about your little girl. :hugs:


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## cc2mums

very sad for you :(


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## MummyHunter

I am so sorry xx


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## maxalias

I am so so sorry, I am here if you ever need to talk xxxx I know how you are feeling and sometimes it helps to have someone who knows what you are going through x


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## laila 44

Sending you lots of prayers your way, I'm so sorry xx


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## doddy0402

I'm so sorry! Look after yourself. X


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## littleblonde

So sorry. This is so sad. Sending you strenght for the coming months. There are forums on here for loss that you may find some comfort in.


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## Agiboma

So sorry to hear about your little girl.


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## Moti

I'm so, so sorry to hear this. Please know that I will keep you in my thoughts.:hugs:


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## xJessie91x

So sorry to read this. Thinking of you xx


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## AimeeM

:hugs: I am so sorry. Sending prayers for you xxx


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## torch2010

I am so sorry lovely. We lost our little boy at 25+5 to fetal hydrops. We were told at our 20 week scan that he had the condition. We decided to continue with our pregnancy and let nature take its course. I am so sorry you are faced with the same thing. If you would like to talk please let me know x


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## Taylah

So very sorry Hun xxx


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## brandiw

torch2010 said:



> I am so sorry lovely. We lost our little boy at 25+5 to fetal hydrops. We were told at our 20 week scan that he had the condition. We decided to continue with our pregnancy and let nature take its course. I am so sorry you are faced with the same thing. If you would like to talk please let me know x

Thank you :hugs:
It is nice to connect with someone that had a little one with the same condition, and that also chose to continue the pregnancy. If you don't mind me asking, did you get induced once your little one passed, or have a D&E? I know it's a very personal choice...but I do know that the D&E is not right for me at all...I read about it, and I just can't do that...I just can't. This is definitely the best decision for me.

I go for another ultrasound today at 3 pm....very very nervous. Of course I am hoping for the best...but also preparing for the worst. :cry:


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## kintenda

brandiw said:


> torch2010 said:
> 
> 
> I am so sorry lovely. We lost our little boy at 25+5 to fetal hydrops. We were told at our 20 week scan that he had the condition. We decided to continue with our pregnancy and let nature take its course. I am so sorry you are faced with the same thing. If you would like to talk please let me know x
> 
> Thank you :hugs:
> It is nice to connect with someone that had a little one with the same condition, and that also chose to continue the pregnancy. If you don't mind me asking, did you get induced once your little one passed, or have a D&E? I know it's a very personal choice...but I do know that the D&E is not right for me at all...I read about it, and I just can't do that...I just can't. This is definitely the best decision for me.
> 
> I go for another ultrasound today at 3 pm....very very nervous. Of course I am hoping for the best...but also preparing for the worst. :cry:Click to expand...

Hi brandiw, I haven't responded on this thread before but I've just seen this update today. I have absolutely no experience with this condition but I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you, and hoping that the situation has improved at your scan today. Xx


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## Hopefloats76

Hi
I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you. It's really sad. I also wanted to say that whatever you would have done, there was no right or wrong. It is a personal choice, and no one has the right to judge, or claim things need to be left in anybody's hands but your own.


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## xcmkx84

Hi, I'm so sorry to see this post. My thoughts are with you. I found out at my 19wk scan that the chances of my daughter surviving were very slim (she had a different condition). I decided to continue my pregnancy, if you want to ask me any questions at all please pm me. Lots of love x


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## Hope2302

Sending hugs and comfort your way is all I can say. X


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## sumday3

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, your little precious baby girl is in my prayers. I am so sorry to hear of this update. Thinking of you.


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## brunette&bubs

I'm so sorry to hear about your little girl

:hugs:


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## Phantom710

I'm so sorry to hear about your little girl. Hugs and Loves


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## gk1701

Oh my gosh. Im so sorry. It sounds like you want to let nature take its course and you should feel empowered to do that. :cry:


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## brandiw

Definitely not the ultrasound results we have been hoping for yesterday. Maddy is not getting any better....the fluid is getting worse :cry: Her little heart is still beating, but slowing down since the last visit. No one should ever, EVER have to make arrangements for when their baby passes, I can't think of anything worse than making those arrangements for your child. Thank God for my sister...who is doing that for me....I just can't do it :cry: I am so thankful for Jill (my sister), because this is very hard for her as well. I think I will be at peace when Maddy finally lets go....then the long road of healing can begin. Until then though....as long as that little heart beats, I am going to cherish every single day I have with her &#9829;


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## RebeccaG

Oh hun I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending you so many hugs your way. Xxxxxxxxxx


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## Hope2302

Hugs and prayers of comfort and strength your way. x


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## xJessie91x

So sorry. Healing hugs xxxx


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## Agiboma

So sorry to hear this news


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## nhood

brandiw said:


> Definitely not the ultrasound results we have been hoping for yesterday. Maddy is not getting any better....the fluid is getting worse :cry: Her little heart is still beating, but slowing down since the last visit. No one should ever, EVER have to make arrangements for when their baby passes, I can't think of anything worse than making those arrangements for your child. Thank God for my sister...who is doing that for me....I just can't do it :cry: I am so thankful for Jill (my sister), because this is very hard for her as well. I think I will be at peace when Maddy finally lets go....then the long road of healing can begin. Until then though....as long as that little heart beats, I am going to cherish every single day I have with her

Brandiw,

I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you are feeling. I had to go through something similar in 2011. My water broke with my twin pregnancyin the 2nd trimester and I delivered my daughter too early. She only lived a few minutes. I was placed on immediated bedrest, but they warned me that if I get and infection that I would lose my son. Nonetheless, the following week, I loss a lot of fluid and when they did the ultrasound my poor boy was just floating with no water around him. My doctor reccommended a d&c. I did and it was so so hard. I finally did conceive though this past September with twin girls, but it has been a past.

Pls stay strong. We are here for you.


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## Wriggley

:hugs: im so sorry hun! xxx


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## Andypanda6570

brandiw said:


> torch2010 said:
> 
> 
> I am so sorry lovely. We lost our little boy at 25+5 to fetal hydrops. We were told at our 20 week scan that he had the condition. We decided to continue with our pregnancy and let nature take its course. I am so sorry you are faced with the same thing. If you would like to talk please let me know x
> 
> Thank you :hugs:
> It is nice to connect with someone that had a little one with the same condition, and that also chose to continue the pregnancy. If you don't mind me asking, did you get induced once your little one passed, or have a D&E? I know it's a very personal choice...but I do know that the D&E is not right for me at all...I read about it, and I just can't do that...I just can't. This is definitely the best decision for me.
> 
> I go for another ultrasound today at 3 pm....very very nervous. Of course I am hoping for the best...but also preparing for the worst. :cry:Click to expand...

Brandi,
When I lost Ava I was set up for a D&E, they put the sticks up me to open my cervix's so the procedure would be easier to perform and I was told to come to the hospital the next morning to have the D&E procedure, problem was I didn't know what a D&E was, my doctor never explained it to me. I just thought they took the baby out :cry: I came home and googled it and was not for me I could not do it , I refused to go and I went into labor and had her in my home, my doctor wanted to kill me. I think the sticks that were put up me to open my cervix's did push the labor to come faster then if I didn't have them in me. My labors except my firstborn were short, so I was only in labor for maybe 3 to 4 hours, but I was used to the pain so i didn't care. I respect your choice, I made it for me also, I also respect women who decide to have the D&E it was just not for me. I think they will induce you and maybe be able to give you pain medication or the pain maybe it will be fast the labor , not sure. I just hope everything goes gentle on you,,XOXOXOOXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## torch2010

brandiw said:


> torch2010 said:
> 
> 
> I am so sorry lovely. We lost our little boy at 25+5 to fetal hydrops. We were told at our 20 week scan that he had the condition. We decided to continue with our pregnancy and let nature take its course. I am so sorry you are faced with the same thing. If you would like to talk please let me know x
> 
> 
> Thank you :hugs:
> It is nice to connect with someone that had a little one with the same condition, and that also chose to continue the pregnancy. If you don't mind me asking, did you get induced once your little one passed, or have a D&E? I know it's a very personal choice...but I do know that the D&E is not right for me at all...I read about it, and I just can't do that...I just can't. This is definitely the best decision for me.
> 
> I go for another ultrasound today at 3 pm....very very nervous. Of course I am hoping for the best...but also preparing for the worst. :cry:Click to expand...

I am so sorry it's taken me so long to reply lovely. I was induced. I got to cuddle and sing to my little boy. I got to tell him about his family and how much we love him. He is still very much part of our family. send me a pm if you want to talk xx


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## torch2010

We also took lots of pictures too. Xx


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## charliesmom

I'm so sorry. :( I refused D&E also, and went into labor without epidural. I know labor will be hard, but every pain is worth getting to hold your dear little one in the end to get to say goodbye and get closure. Despite how you feel now, take lots of pictures and keep every momento.


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## brandiw

I just wanted to give a quick update.

Madelyn Rael was peacefully born sleeping Janurary 8th at 11:26 pm. She weighed just under one pound. She is just perfect in every single way...she is beautiful....and I am so so in love with her. I had lots of time, although not enough....to hold her, snuggle her, kiss her, and tell her how much I love her. I feel absolutely lost without her now. That was the worst time of my life, having to say goodbye.....but if I could live in that moment forever, of having her in my arms....I would do it, no matter how much pain it caused me. I just need to hold my baby girl again... 

One other thing that was found....they determined that she had passed a few days prior to me going in to be induced....so I am very thankful to have been given that information. Although I still knew that induction was the best choice, I am so very thankful that my little sweetheart went on her own before any of that....she went peacefully within her mommy.

Thank you for all of your words.....


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## moonbeam_sea

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hugs:


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## Babyduo

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I know how heartbreaking it can be. I pray that peace will be in your heart through this hard time.


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## SiBelle

I am so sorry you had to go through this. 
I admire your strength and courage. 
You are an inspiration. 
Thank you...


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## kanga

I'm so very sorry, sleep tight little Maddy until Mummy can cuddle you again xxx best wishes to you and your family x


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## Wriggley

So very sorry hun :hugs:


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## nhood

I am so sorry. May God hold you tight during this time.


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## maxalias

She was lucky to have you as her mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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## SisterRose

So sorry, sending hugs :hugs: x


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## Taurus8484

Im so sorry xx


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## chocolatecat

So sorry for your loss, but glad you had cuddles. We had a week of visiting our son before his funeral. It gave us chance to say what we needed and hold him as much as we could. If the worse happens again Id chooselabour in order to hold him or her xxx


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