# Can I do this on my own? My Journey of being a single mom



## OnErth&InHvn

I feel nervous posting this. :(

Dh and I have been married 6yrs this November. We have 2 children together. DS is with my EX before DH. DH and I have been through the normal ups and downs of live, but it seems like its a repeating pattern for years now and within the last month it got worse. I feel like I have no choice. 

To start, DH is a good man. He is not mean. I do love him and he loves me. 
BUT....
He cant keep a job. I cant even begin to list all the places we have lived in 6yrs or jobs hes had/been fired from. Right now we are living with family for the 3rd time. (weve lived with family before but this particular family member, this is the 3rd time). DH also isnt reliable or dependable. When DD1 was in the NICU, he wasnt there. When DD2 was sick in the hospital for a month, he wasnt there. The only time he wasnt there was for Wylder and that was because he had to work- the rest, he chose not to be. We never have any money and its not because of me. I am actually a great penny pincher. I have threatened to leave him before and he shapes up for a bit and then rinse and repeat. :(

Well this past couple weeks- He got hired at a GREAT paying job. Only to lose the van (our only vehicle) by it being impounded and we cant get it back out (long, long story). So he got fired over it. On top of this, the family members house we live at has decided to have the bank take the house and be foreclosed on... 

I feel like these constant burdens are too much. Its not fair to me or the girls. DD1 is almost 5 and I try to get her involved in things and she cant stay in them long because we either dont have the money to get there or we move. Thats why i homeschool, because wed be switching her in and out of schools too much to count. I want more for them. I want them to not have to worry if we can afford something simple or have a roof over our heads. I feel like financially, emotionally and even physically (if that makes sense) isnt there. I feel at this point we have been here so many times that theres no "working through it" anymore. I love him, he tries, but it will only carry us so far. We already have 1 eviction on our record because he lost his job and we couldnt pay rent. 

So my mom offered to pay me rent at a low income housing place. Its $50/mth with utilities paid. On the condition i leave DH. Whether separated or divorce. I am suppose to apply next week. The problem is that the wait is 6mo. 

So here I sit. Back and Forth. Can i do this on my own? Will, even a break from Dh so he can get his life together and I get my priorities together make things better? Am i just thinking " the grass is greener"? 

I know it will not get better. At this point with the forecloser, We have maybe 4mo since hes not been paying for awhile already. With no vehicle and no money, even IF Dh found a car/job, wed maybe have enough to get out on our own. BUT Id have to hope hed keep the job that long or even after we move...which i know wont happen. It hasnt in the past. i havent given up, I just know whats happened the past 6yrs. 

My plan?
Wait it out as long as possible, work little jobs to get some small savings, Store things at my moms, move there if the bank comes before the low income comes through, then move out to the housing. My mom will pay my rent and ill only need to worry about extra money. I have one of those low income cell phones and I have a Washboard to do laundry. There is a bus line and I dont mind riding the bus, even with 2 kids. Plus my aunt will live next door so she could help with the girls if i needed a sitter or anything that requires a car. My mom will be about 20mins away so help as well. ETA: I can get small jobs to help with any money ill need- babysitting/housecleaning/etc

I just worry, what if people judge me? that i "gave up"? that im being selfish? How do I know this is what I really need to do? Im not saying im going to move out and sign the divorce papers, but I really think DH needs to get his act together and I cant, CANT keep putting the kids or myself through this. I feel like these burdens are too much and I am the one carrying them. :cry:

I needed to go to the grocery last night and had to ask a neighbor. I went. DH, though he watched the girls. Its just one of those little things, i wish he would of taken the initiative to figure out a way to the store and gone. 

HELP....


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## OnErth&InHvn

no body has advice? :cry:


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## pinklizzy

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice as I've never been in your situation but I just wanted to give you :hugs: as this must be so difficult for you hun-you need to do what is best for you and your children and don't worry what other people think.


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## chels24uk

Maybe a trial seperation will give him a kick up the arse he needs? See where it goes from there. Your right you and your kids cant keep going through this. Sorry im not much help, good luck xxx


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## OnErth&InHvn

chels24uk said:


> Maybe a trial seperation will give him a kick up the arse he needs? See where it goes from there. Your right you and your kids cant keep going through this. Sorry im not much help, good luck xxx

Thanks, I hope youre right.


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## OnErth&InHvn

applying this week. excited and nervous


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## Boomerslady

:hugs: i'm not to sure what to say hun. You and the kids really deserve so much more. I think its best you go now and get into the low income rent place. Yes it'll be tough, weird, difficult, but it MAY be the kick up the arse your OH needs.

My story is slightly similar to yours in that me and my OH are currently on a break due to him not working. We were together 4 years and I think he workded for 1.5 yrs of that time. I thought having Ben would chnage him, but he never tried. At the moment hes back at his Mums while looking for work. As and when he is working we are going to talk more, the time apart is really rough, but his attitude appears to have chnaged and I think hes realised what he could lose. He even bought me flowers last week!

PM me anytime if you wanna chat.


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## OnErth&InHvn

I talked to DHs Aunt tonight (his dads sister) and told her whats going on. She was really supportive. She knows all about Dh and his issues with stability, etc and agrees he needs a kick in the pants. She said she would not let him move in and feels he needs to sink or swim on his own. I feel much better having her support. :thumbup:

Right now, the newest thing is bugging me to no end about leaving and how "im trying to get a job" and "i try to take care of you", yadda yadda. I keep telling him Trying isnt enough any more. So hes playing all the cards in the book- he wont come back to me, he will have no where to go, hell be depressed and wont want to do anything.... im sorry, but i have ZERO sympathy.


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## Mummyplus3

Be strong! You can do it on your own and will probably find it much easier! Hope you get a nice place for you and the children. 

He definatly needs a kick up the pants! xx


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## OnErth&InHvn

and now due to the vehicle being impounded, he had a court date he couldnt go to (due to not having a car)- he now has a suspended license and bar on his license so he cant do anything involving a car + a 2nd warrant (he has 1 from a previous ticket he didnt pay). :growlmad:

This is the kind of stuff, that just keeps adding up and it truly is a burden. Not stress. A Burden.


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## OnErth&InHvn

i was going to apply today, but they only accept applications on tuesday and thursday... so ill wait until Tuesday so i wont have to make 2 trips. 

So far hes trying to butter me up- doing all the things he wouldnt before. Which is nice, but it was needed years ago and even months ago.


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## chels24uk

its funny how men seem to instantly change when they think they might lose someone. Thing is, if you dont follow through and show your serious, they will soon go back to their old ways. Good luck on your housing xx


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## OnErth&InHvn

well tonight was a different, sort of scary hurtle- How to go out by yourself and not go crazy! How do you all do it?!
I told DH not to come to my nieces B-day party. I figured hed be a drag anyway, but the girls drove me bonkers. Plus SIL was a bum-hole. 

and i found out tonight my BFF isnt mad at me for wanting to leave DH. She is very conventional when it comes to marriage and I just didnt want to lose a friend over this. :happydance:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Need to remind myself to call housing tomorrow and verify what i need to bring. 

I wrote out a list today of everything Ill bring. Its not a lot and really im OK with that. Why bring a bunch of junk? I really, REALLY wish I didnt have to wait so long to move though.


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## OnErth&InHvn

So tonight would be a night i cant WAIT to move out. Fighting again. I knew it wouldnt last. I set his laundry aside. Im tired of doing it. He does a load but doesnt take it out of dryer- I ask for help "on a commercial", i finally say F it and take it out. Then I tell him someone pulled up the drive way at 11:30PM and hes just like "Oh well", then Im sitting here working (WAHM bit i do) and I ask him to let the dogs out-- "on a commercial" so finally we argue, yadda yadda. i get called lazy, i should of just let them out... whatever. Seriously- get a freaking job and get out my hair 24/7!! :growlmad:

I really, REALLY wish I had some place to go. I dont though. I dont want to do a homeless shelter and I have thought of a hotel too. 

I just cant wait. I am stressed to the max.


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## Maybe1stBaby

Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this with him. Can't you kick him out? :hugs:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Maybe1stBaby said:


> Sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this with him. Can't you kick him out? :hugs:

we are living at his grandparents house, so that would be a bit awkward.


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## OnErth&InHvn

I went to the library today to see what books they have on divorce and mostly separation. Well i found a pretty good one on 'Controlled Separation'. Its about laying out terms and time lines and making sure everyone involved in on the same page and the goal? To avoid divorce. Not to get back together until the CS doesnt work or you dont want to. 

I am going to look through it and read it and try it. I know Im leaving, i dont know if im signing the divorce papers and DH thinks Im leaving and never coming back, so maybe this will help. Help him to see IF he gets his life together, and he meets these terms, i can and might come back. maybe.


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## OnErth&InHvn

I read through the one book about Controlled Separation. VERY GOOD! It talks about having a "contract" of sorts where everything is laid out. I might actually do that.
I read through the 2nd book- The Courage To Be a Single Mother by Sheila Ellison and it is REALLY good. Its her own struggles. Very worth reading!

Tuesday I went down to the housing to get an application. WOW! Its not a 1 page application, its a packet! They wouldnt let me use a pen (because youre not allowed to fill out the application at the office) which was fine because i didnt have all the paperwork i needed. Then i went to the actual Section 8 office and got the same packet. 
So my mom helped me fill it out and I need to get it back tomorrow. The townhouse (2-3bdrm) $50/mnth w/utilities included is a 6mo waiting list...the townhouse from section 8 is a yr long waiting list. No idea on rent amount or whats included. 

I need to gather the last bit of info (since we dont have DD2s birth certificate, i need her footprints) and then go tomorrow and officially be on the waiting list! I still didnt ask about taking my dog with me. Im scared theyll say no and that would just break my heart, she was there through Wylder and everything else. I couldnt imagine getting rid of her. :cry:


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## OnErth&InHvn

well sometimes I think God just wants to keep me on my toes because I went looking online and of course instead of driving all the way down there, i could of printed off an application. :wacko:

BUT apparently online, Im a bit confused because it says "favorable credit and rental history", which i dont have. Then it talks about income, which i dont really have. Now im worried. :cry: So I emailed the directors and the manager and asked. Hopefully theyll get back to me before i leave to go down there. Id hate to waste a trip. I mean its Low-Income, I understand they need requirements but that really disqualifies people who NEED a place to live if they want a "perfect" tenant. :brat:


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## OnErth&InHvn

well i got some answers! I can take my doggy :) I can move in with less than stellar credit and no income. But....the eviction may be a sticking point. :( So I am going to include an add on to my application that explains it. maybe if im up front and honest now, they will take that into consideration. I have nothing to hide. I didnt pay my rent (due to DH not keeping a job- thus my leaving) and we got evicted.


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## OnErth&InHvn

well I applied. 6mo-1yr for a 3bedroom !!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance:

But...the kicker? My old landlord will cause me hell. :cry:
I asked him for an address to put on my application and honest to God he wrote back:

"are you going to be honest and tell them how you brought in additional animals that cost me more in damages than you paid in rent?"

Good grief, I wrote him back and told him that I was honest on my application, that I am leaving my husband and bringing 1 and only 1 animal and any others were my husbands problem, not mine. 

So I wrote the new landlord and told her he may not give the whole picture and asked if she wants real, good, rental history references. we seriously, did not have ANY rental trouble until the money hungry, rude guy. :growlmad:


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## OnErth&InHvn

well another fight with DH, then hes writing me love letters and then gets on his Facebook and writes how im leaving him all alone. 
Then his aunt, who i thought was on my side gets after me for making him feel like crap.

WTH? He cant keep a job, he isnt there for his children or his wife, we dont have our own place, we dont have money, last week we didnt have a car and yet you want to take HIS side?!


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## aliss

Good luck to you :) You are doing what my mom did, only she waited until 33 years of marriage. It's good to be free now. I wish she had done it sooner. You have 3 kids, no need to take care of a 4th big one. Sounds like you are doing the right thing.


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## OnErth&InHvn

aliss said:


> Good luck to you :) You are doing what my mom did, only she waited until 33 years of marriage. It's good to be free now. I wish she had done it sooner. You have 3 kids, no need to take care of a 4th big one. Sounds like you are doing the right thing.

Thanks. It helps to have encouraging words. :hugs:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Well, I got a letter in the mail from section 8, they want DSs SSN card in 90 days and they also expect a 12-18 month wait! :help: I also found out they dont approve or deny you UNTIL your name comes up. 

But I went to a MOPS (Mother Of Preschoolers) Sale today and a great lady there use to live where i want to move and told me about some great resources. 

Im back to waiting I guess. I could apply where I am now but i really dont want to live in the state/area i do now. I want to move some place new and different, plus the new place will be better overall for the kids especially. 

Im hopeful though. Im nervous, but im hopeful. Im keeping my ticker because i really believe in about 6mo theyll call and tell me im ok to move. I hope. :blush:


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## littlekitten8

Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job hun. Its the hardest decision in the world to walk away from the father of your children. But you are doing the right thing. Fingers crossed that you get somewhere soon.


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## angelpkj

chels24uk said:


> Maybe a trial seperation will give him a kick up the arse he needs? See where it goes from there. Your right you and your kids cant keep going through this. Sorry im not much help, good luck xxx

i was so upset when me and FOB split 
but shortly after we split he lost his job and his life started gettin worse and all i could think is 

thats not my problem anymore
i dont have to worry about working my backside off to pay bills and support us both 
it was a massive relief and i think it made FOB realise he needed to stand on his own feet and sort his life out and not rely on me


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## OnErth&InHvn

angelpkj said:


> chels24uk said:
> 
> 
> Maybe a trial seperation will give him a kick up the arse he needs? See where it goes from there. Your right you and your kids cant keep going through this. Sorry im not much help, good luck xxx
> 
> i was so upset when me and FOB split
> but shortly after we split he lost his job and his life started gettin worse and all i could think is
> 
> thats not my problem anymore
> i dont have to worry about working my backside off to pay bills and support us both
> it was a massive relief and i think it made FOB realise he needed to stand on his own feet and sort his life out and not rely on meClick to expand...

Im glad to know others have been through this too. I sort of felt selfish in a way, but i know its for the best.


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## OnErth&InHvn

and now there is a police officer standing at my door accusing DH of stealing a credit card from my grandpa in law. 

Seriously, I want to RUN AWAY! :wacko:

UPDATE: that was taken care of. Apparently a family member blamed DH. Good grief. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Any who, now DH has a job interview Thursday. Yay for getting a job possibly, but he wont keep it so i wont hold my breath.

** and I also found a possible support group for me! :happydance:
Its a 13wk group and they are on wk5, but its 6 people and apparently a really good group.


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## OnErth&InHvn

well im going to apply to at least 1 more place today, maybe 2. :happydance:

its closer to where i am now, which stinks because i wanted to move out of state. :(


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## OnErth&InHvn

applied at a 3rd place. 1yr waiting list and my rent will be 0 and theyll pay $80 of my electric bill. They also dont care about my past eviction!

:happydance::happydance:


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## littlekitten8

Yay so glad your getting things sorted out hun


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## OnErth&InHvn

nothing new to report. Kind of boring the last few days. I think i am going to start on a rough draft of the Separation papers though since itll be "trial" until i file legally.


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## littlekitten8

Sounds good. I didn't even know you had to do seperation papers. Don't think we do over here.


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## OnErth&InHvn

littlekitten8 said:


> Sounds good. I didn't even know you had to do seperation papers. Don't think we do over here.

Here you can:
-Move out and be "separated" but youre still legally married
-File for Legal Separation where you see a mediation court/and or judge and separate. It is different than a divorce.
-File for Dissolution. Where everything has to be divided equally and you have to agree on everything...if you cant you then do the next option below....
-file for divorce.


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## OnErth&InHvn

today on the way home from the store, with DH driving a Sheriff pulls behind us, runs the plates and pulls us over. :growlmad: Luckily he some how didnt bring DH in for his 2 warrants or suspended license. By some miracle. I should be thankful. :cry:


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## OnErth&InHvn

and then this morning a Sheriff came knocking on the door at 8 this morning and DH didnt answer the door. As far as I know, i am not in trouble with anyone... I need a major door to open because i cant keep going through this. 
On top of this, since he hasnt had a job, we are running out of money and now we are wondering how we are going to pay the little bills we are required to pay. He had a job interview earlier this week he could of had and SHOULD of had....know how he screwed it up? Not showing up to it on time! :dohh:


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## OnErth&InHvn

well the good news was the sheriff has nothing to do with DH, but it was for his grandpa- he has 28 days before the bank is granting the foreclosure on the house and then we are homeless. How wonderful. im not mad at Grandpa in Law, Im mad at DH because he wont get or keep a job! :growlmad: He had another job interview last week, they havent called him back yet, i dont think they will. A Landscaping company said they dont want him either. 

so now we are down to the wire again, with no money, no place to go, and no way out....again for the billionth time. :cry: We have about 2 months before the bank tells us to actually get out. (they will grant the foreclosure in 28d and then they have to auction the house and at that point well be kicked out) and i swear to goodness if he doesnt have a plan by then, im moving to live on my moms lawn or a hotel, somewhere WITHOUT him until i get this section 8 stuff figured out. :shrug:


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## OnErth&InHvn

well he got a job, starts Tuesday....he needs to KEEP it!


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## OnErth&InHvn

Gah, i hate him. 

2yrs ago today was my EDD with Wylder and he didnt even remember. :cry:
Then on top of this my grandpa is dying, 12-24hrs to live. So I bring up how its a good thing its not his families funeral because they would shove me in a corner to nurse like they did at his grandmas funeral...well this led to him saying how "funerals arent the place to make a scene" and im like its not a scene and you know it wouldnt have been, because i would of been in the back and covered up- it was ALL his mom complaining at the time...so hes sitting there getting mad telling me the funeral director would of kicked me out and since im smarter than my DH, i told him he couldnt have- that theres Laws and I kid you not, he said "that only applies to restaurants". I laughed. :finger: 
I nursed DD2 for 1yr and youd think he would know or care, but he didnt apparently. 
Then when it came about the credit card thing and his grandpa brought it up to him- he didnt stand up for me, just said " i dont know anything about it"- thanks *******. 
On top of ALL of this, he got the job as i said....but he expects ME to ChaCha for HIS gas money while he plays video games online. Umm, no. :growlmad:

I want to move out so badly.


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## OnErth&InHvn

and now i could be preg... which wont change leaving him or not, it just means he really needs to get his act together.


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## dragondrums

Hi, I came on here today because I have been feeling so stuck and hopeless and I found your post and it was like you took the words right out of my mouth. I have been with my dh since i was 17 and I am now going to be turning 26. As I look back thru the years all I think about is how it is the same story over and over. In the beganing we had the same problem you are having he wouldnt keep a job, he always says and still says he is trying what else do i expect him to do. He finally had kept a job for almost 7 years(off and on) but the hours were all over the place so half the time it was like he didnt have a job, and I cant say how many times I had to stop him from quiting and just walking out by telling him I wouldnt stay around and wait. He did eventually quit/fired in november and convinced me that we needed to move away so he could make something of himself because he wasnt going to get anywhere in the small area we lived in. So for the sake of our marriage and our children and the thought that maybe this is what he needs and I just need to support him. Well we moved, and lets just say I did all the thinking, all the planning, all the stressing, everything... I made it happen. We moved almost 5hours from all my family and friends. The plan was he would go to school and get a career or something while also working. Well I ended up having to be the one to work and he sat around for over two months saying he was trying as hard as he could what did i expect him to do? It also took him this long to finally make his appt. to see about getting into school. My days off were really his days off. I feel like I am struggling everyday and that I am the only one trying to push him to make something of himself and us as a family, its like he has no ambitions besides smoking cigs all day, watching tv and playing video games. He has recently acquired a job, but I just feel like whats the point, we go through the same thing day after day, year after year. He has no ambitions no thoughts about the future and if he does its like he expects it to just fall in his lap with no effort at all. The reason I have stuck through this long is that I dont want to be a broken family, I dont want to feel like I gave up, I dont want to be divorced. But I dont want to live like this any longer, I dont want my boys to grow up thinking this is all normal. The only time he does anything is after me getting angry and finally blowing up! And then he acts like I am the problem. He also does the whole boohoo poor me I might as well not live without you guys blahblahblahblah... I dont want to hear it anymore... but at the same time I dont know what to do. My credit is shot since I have been with him, we have three dogs(one I dont care about getting rid of) and a cat. I feel hopeless with no where to go and know idea how I would support us. I am a preschool teacher and the pay is not the reason I am in this field thats for sure. I am always feeling depressed, unhappy, and angry now. I dont even know who I am anymore, but I have no idea how to fix any of it. I had so many hopes and dreams and I feel like he took them from me. My family cant stand him because of all the situations he has put us in and all of it never being his fault, and I cant stand the vast majority of his family because he is just like them when it comes to work ethics and everything. Sorry for thread hijacking and the long post but your situation seems so much like mine and I have so needed someone to talk to, I usually dont admit any of this to anyone because I always hope that maybe I am wrong or that things will get better and I dont want to feel like I failed. Just writing all this has made me feel loads better, though I still dont know what to do to get myself and my kids out of this situation. I hope that your situation improves for you as well soon, and kudos to you for being strong and not only knowing what you want but trying to make it happen. I pray that both of us will find the solution and the path to happiness and contentment.


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## OnErth&InHvn

dragondrums-
I want you to know, that im glad i could help in some way. Its not easy and it wasnt easy to even get to this point of finally saying enough is enough. 
I was in an abusive relationship with DSs dad and so leaving him was a no brainer, at that time i had a place to go, it was EASY. Somehow it worked out. 
DH use to be normal and nice, before he left for the Army in 2005/2006. It was after he came back summer of 2006, that he suddenly changed. Not wanting to hold a job, take care of things, be a husband, etc. he wasnt even in the Army that long. Maybe it was because I went and got him and he thought if i did that, maybe id bail him out of everything, i just dont know. Even at that time I still wanted to be believe in him and be with him! Finally, we moved several times, he had several jobs and yet we never had any money, we were always "begging/bumming/pleading" for more money because of DH. I started considering leaving, thinking it would be easier, but no open doors were there. I didnt have a job, i didnt want to work 9-5 and have my kids in daycare, public school- it would go against everything i believe. Then our daughter got VERY sick and where was DH? On the side lines. Suddenly, my mom started saying more and more ' you need to leave him' and id blow it off until finally a lightbulb went off. 
"If we cant get through this life changing event, what can we get through?"
this included my daughters sickness and losing our Wylder. he was no where to be found when *I* needed him. 
Finally, we moved in his grandpas house yet again and it was the same BS over and over. I kid you not, one random day my mom said " ill pay the $50 rent if you leave DH, if i find out hes living there, i wont pay your rent"
and i noticed doors started opening for me. If you look at my signature, im on multiple Section 8/Low income housing.Now this wont solve all my issues, ill still need money even if its not for rent. I just need to get over the hump and make it work somehow. 

There are good days, even still. Then there are bad days- like today when we have to sell our washer because he doesnt have a paycheck and we have no money. I just have to know THIS ISNT NORMAL! People struggle everyday paycheck to paycheck, but not like this. Husbands have a hard time finding work, but not like this. Wives pick up the pieces of life, but not like this. Can we work it out? I dont know. I am NOT signing on the divorce papers just yet. I am moving out and giving him a year to get his life together. i will file a separation in that time period, if he doesnt get and keep a job, get a stable place to live and be a man- im done and i know I wont have any regrets. I will take my dog, my children and my belongings and leave. 

I can tell you right now as of today- We have no money, zero, none. We are living at his grandpas house that is soon to be foreclosed on. He does have a job for what its worth. Our TV/Phone/Net will be turned off this week because we didnt have the money to pay the bill. 

You do have options and you can do this! Everyday single moms make it work. There is no magic secret to it. I would advise you to go to the library and check out as many books on single parenting and separation/divorce as possible. Get familiar with it. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and on a side note. I dont have money to get a pregnancy test, so ill have to wait. BUT a rather annoying funny story..
We have our washer up for sale on Craigslist. A guy comes offers $100, when we had it for $140. No way. He begins to cuss and yadda yadda (according to DH, i wasnt outside) and so now the guys on CL saying its a scam, etc. We really needed that $140. Im sort of POd at DH because i think he likely could of handled it better and I am POd because if DH had a job before now, we wouldnt need to sell our washer.


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## OnErth&InHvn

not preggo, we ended up selling the washer tonight- YAY! 

and DH needs to get to figuring out how to make some extra money!


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## dragondrums

Thank you for your encouraging words! I hope things will start to look up for you and your family and that some blessings come your way. I am glad you got your washer sold, though I am so sorry you had to sell it, it is so tough having children and no washer on hand. I hope something looks up for you and your dh can find some way to bring some income in, preferably consistent income and not just a temporary fix. Sometimes all a man needs is a wake up call and to realize how good they really had it and what all they have to lose to snap to it and do what it takes to improve and fix the mess they gotten themselves in. Just hang in there something is bound to give soon.


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## OnErth&InHvn

sometime today or tomorrow i will no longer have TV, Internet and Phone. Go ahead ask me why.......:growlmad:

Because IF my DH had a job months ago we could of paid the TV, Net and phone bill (its a bundle and you cant break it because we live out in the boonies and its the literal only co out here) but because we didnt and couldnt and he didnt get a job until now- we owe $588. 

Then we are fighting about DS (DHs step son) and he insists hes right and knows all about what i can and cant do as far as court and DSs dad, when really he has NO idea! He has NO say. Hes MY son. If i want to go out of my way and take him home because his grandparents are too lazy to work with me and his dads not involved, thats MY choice and not DHs to decide. SCREW YOU DH.

and on top of this im getting flack again about leaving Dh by his aunt because i said I was leaving the 2 cats and 3 of the 4 dogs with him. 1 because my apartment will only let me have 1 dog and because why should i have to find homes for all of them? I ALWAYS do everything when it comes to the animals. They need to see the vet- i get the money. They need food? I get the money. ME. Im tired of it. 

DH is calling me a coward and a push over, no being a coward and push over would be taking this crap from him again and again and again like i have been. Not anymore. Thats why i applied at 3 places, to CHANGE things! I dont like this marriage, this life. I want my own life with my children. I want stability, reliability and to be alone. Right now, if i was on my own....Id have the internet because i wouldnt be living here and i could afford dial up internet for $10 from the phone company. Why? Because I can work for $10 and know i need to pay the bill.

*I dont want it to work out in the end, I want it to work all the time. Im not running away, im walking away.*


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## OnErth&InHvn

I wish staying meant id wake up happy.
I wish staying meant youd change.
I wish I could stay. 

but you know what they say about wishes that they dont tell you? That sometimes all the shooting stars in the sky cant make it come true. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today I had a doc appointment, just a check up. DH wakes up at 8am, hes needs to be at work at 9 with an hour drive, so of course hes going to be late and of course i need the car so im going to be to blame. Yes hes late and yeshis boss yells at him and then he yells at me. Then hes complaining at me for spending $20 like a week ago and how its my fault he wont keep this job either and how its my fault he wont have gas for work....im sorry but we just sold our F*ing washer for $140, i spent $20, where the F is the rest of it? I didnt spend it. Im so F*ing sorry I had to go to the Doc, how dare I! Hes known about it too, i didnt just tell him yesterday i had an appointment. 
Then tomorrow I was suppose to go to MOPS, a once a month thing and tomorrow is the last meeting of the year, guess who cant go now? Me because DH is a Dillweed. 

Im SOOOOOOO tired of never being able to do things, telling people we can go places and go things, be part of things....when i cant because of DH. Like this weekend, we WERE suppose to go out for DD1's birthday with her friends and we cant go. 

When the F*ck will it stop? ever? :devil:


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## Louiseandbump

just leaving hugs :hugs:


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## OnErth&InHvn

called the housing today- on March 29th i was #45 (when i applied)...as of today im #30!! They are still thinking 2-4mon. (place #3 in my siggy)

I CANT wait!!!:happydance:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I also wrote up the Separation Papers (CS, not LS) and Im toying around with exactly how much to ask him to pay in lieu of Child Support, but other than that I included the kids, the property, the dogs, the conditions, the requirements, and even what happens if HE breaks or doesnt sign the contract. I just feel better having this under me as if something legal were to happen, id have this and hed have nothing. He cant go in and say "she left me with nothing and i cant see the kids" because id show them a signed contract (i plan to get notarized and signing on a witness) and theyd have to listen to me......or i hope. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday DH says " well i think some time away would be good" as if he came up with the idea. Yes time away would be grand but it was all me. Its always all me. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Also, Who is going through separating, divorce, heck even a fight and can shine roses out of their butt? Id LOVE to know! Apparently Im suppose to be. At a moms group im apart of, they are "worried" about me. Asked me if im part of a church (which i am) and how we should try and work it out. I dont know it just bugged me. I cant be happy 24/7 and I cant pretend its going to magically work out anymore. No i dont go around talking badly about DH, but im not going to sell him to you as if hes a new toy. Im frustrated, im angry, im done with HIM. I want to be happy in a DIFFERENT way. I want to wake up on my terms with my children and do what WE want to do. 
So No, I will not tell anyone "its a rough patch" "we are fine" or "we are working it out". I would of moved out Months ago if i had the chance and Im not the bad guy here. isnt it better to leave someone who cant provide for his children and make it work on my own than to stay and never have anything? No, I dont want to live on Daycare vouchers, food stamps, medical cards, child support, and section 8 housing.....I dont plan to. i will have FoodStamps, Medical and technically im in low-income- not sect 8. I also plan to get more done with ChaCha.com and that will provide a small income. This is not ideal, but why is it such a bad thing? Is it not better than DH going months and months without a job?


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## OnErth&InHvn

well of course its all about him- how he couldnt keep a job last year and owes the electric co $1,000 and so hell be homeless if i leave him because "no one will give me a place since im a single male" and "no one will let me live anywhere without lights"...seriously? I dont care! You did this to yourself. Then he goes on about how hell give up his rights and he wont pay child support and yadda yadda but then says hell be mean and take the kids....yeah because someone will give them to you with ZERO ability to keep a job and no stability!!! I doubt it. 

Just 29 more people...thats what i keep telling myself. 29 more.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Well, We had to move from his grandpas out in the country to the city. We have been here since the beginning of July and DH still has NO job and we have NO way to pay rent. Zero. We have no phone, no tv, no internet (im at the library right now). Nothing. He got fired from his last job for "working too hard" (thats what he says, i think its because he WASNT working). 

I have only moved 3 people down the list as of June. :wacko:

I have asked and asked my grandma but i think at first she was just waiting to see what happened with us moving and DH getting a job. Well now i just dont know. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have however started going back to my old church. I told a really sweet old friend and the pastor whats going on. I expected them to say "hes trying' and "make it work'...but they didnt. 

Its just the same old stuff over and over. We move, he takes forever to get a job, then we owe so much to bills and face eviction..then he loses his job and on and on. Over and over. 
What can I do? I applied at Frisch's. A simple waitress job, i have actually done before for them- they didnt want me. I sit here and ChaCha (WAHM bit) but thats covering gas and thats it. 
He can go to temp agencies and give plasma, but he wont. Every Sunday I get a paper and theres classifieds.

So thats that. Nothing super exciting.


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## MommyKC

Hey there!

I was just lurking in this section and came across your thread. So are you still with DH?

I am in a somewhat similar boat, but different aswell. I've been with my DH for 5.5 years, we have two daughters together. Like your hubby, he is not mean and he is a good man. But my issue is he never _really_ wanted children. :nope: I was the one who did, and he went along with it.
We rushed into buying a house together, and into getting married. I feel like we were two crazy people in love and we weren't patient enough. Looking back, we fought way too much but I was just so excited to get married to him that I didn't leave. :(
I wouldn't change anything because I have my two girls who are my LIFE... but I am not happy. :cry: I keep wondering if I should stick this out for the sake of my girls. And I keep thinking, will it be this way for whoever I end up with? Is this how life is supposed to be??? Just "ok"??? I love my life with my girls, but my relationship is just "ok". :(

And I feel horrible for feeling like this. Like I'm an awful person. Andin alot of ways, I'm too scared to _do_ anything about it... I feel so trapped.

I think I am going to go start my own thread so I don't take over yours. :( But just wanted to say, I definitely feel your pain hun. :hugs:

Hang in there.


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## OnErth&InHvn

MommyKC- No, its not suppose to be "just ok". I understand where youre saying about the children, we have 2 girls together...but at some point you have to look and say "is this what i want my girls to think it "ok" too? Arent we as little girls suppose to believe in a fairy tale ending? 

UPDATE:::::::::::

Still no phone, no job, no money. However an eviction was filed against DH (im not on the lease) and so we HAD to start looking for how to pay rent- $325 + $150 late fee. We went to a lot of different agencies for help. One wanted 3x our rent to help us- if I had $900, i wouldnt need help! Then a bunch were out of funds so that didnt help. Finally, we went to Community Action Agency and we need to turn in some papers for them to help, then a homeless prevention program is suppose to help us too....BUT......

today, i went to my church and they paid our rent! They normally wouldnt since i dont live in their area, but since im a member they will help me this one time! I was SOOOO glad. 

then DH went to talk to the landlord about the late fee and they dropped it this month. 

So rent is paid for August. That is a good thing. I am thankful. However, I am NOT thankful *I* had to be the one to get help nor get it from MY church. Dh should of done more. 

I also found out I qualify for Cash Assistance, AKA welfare check, but its 30 days before they will approve my application. The max i can get for a family of 4 (if they include DH) is $507. I hate being on all this welfare stuff, but its better than sitting doing nothing or waiting on DH. 
_____________________
Ever since moving here I feel like I have simply Checked out. I could care less what goes on. I really just want to move into my apartment and be done. Im still with DH for now (this county requires you live in this county 6 months before you can file anything, so December I could file).


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## MommyKC

I'm sorry things have been so tough hun. :(
I really cannot imagine. :nope:

Things have slightly improved for me with DH, to the point I'm willing to stick it out for a while. But I also am not sure I can live like this forever. :shrug: You're right, we should have that fairytale ending. But now with two kids, would anyone ever really take us seriously??? In that romantic way? I dunno. I feel like any other guy would run away screaming at the idea of dating a woman with two children, unless he had a crapload of baggage himself. :( I feel like it's too late for me...:cry:

Anyway, I hope you figure something out soon. Nothing is worse than being unhappy with your relationship but feeling trapped in it, and then to have all the financial issues on top of it... ugh what a mess.

Does DH know you're leaving??? And by your ticker, you plan to leave in about 1.5 months right?

I hope the transition goes smoothly for you. :hugs: Keep us posted.


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## OnErth&InHvn

MommyKC- Yes he knows im leaving and im leaving as soon as my name comes up on a waiting list. (im #20 right now)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Rent got paid because my church paid it and i went to a local food pantry and they paid the rest. Still no JOB. Though he has Job leads and he did sign up for a research study to pay next months rent. 

I am #20 on one waiting list, so thats good. Its moving along. :happydance:

my DD2 had her tonsils and Adnoids (sp?) removed last week and of course I was there, without DH, but she made it ok and is eating and breathing better.


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## MommyKC

I'm glad DD#2 is doing well!

I hope the waiting list moves quickly for you! :hugs:


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## OnErth&InHvn

DH got a job, a GOOD one. So far so good on that front. :thumbup:

I did apply for another low income housing place with a much shorter wait- 2 mo! I applied in Oct. It would be a 3bdrm townhouse up the street. I called the other low income place (in my siggy) and I moved 1 spot. ONE. :cry: I still want to move there but I think at this point its better to move out sooner rather than wait. I do however need to wait until at LEAST Feb 2012 to do anything because i need Tax Returns. I have to get a car or it will make it very hard to be on my own. 

As far as everything else. I am beginning to wonder about the other aspects of separating. Now that my biggest concern: him having/keeping a job + money is at least stable. What about everything else? How will there be patience, understanding, re-connection (if any), etc be (re)learned?
I have been thinking that yes and no. Its hard to really begin to understand a person and what they do/say when they are in your face every.single.day. You see the bad things about them rather than the good things you fell in love with. Perhaps time apart would help me to see those good things again. Instead of seeing "he didnt cook dinner"...ill see "he made my favorite meal without me nagging him". I dont know thats not quite what i mean in a way, but you get the drift i hope. 

So thats the latest and greatest. :shrug:


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## mkm1083

Your story sounds almost EXACTLY like mine. Unfortunately, men like that don't change. I gets easier when you leave. The weight that lifts off your shoulders is amazing. Maybe it sounds weird but it so much easier being a real single parent than it is to be a married single parent - financially, emotionally, mentally, everything.

FYI - you don't need to stay until February 2012 for tax purposes. You can move out today if you would like. As long as you are still legally married and planning on filing as married filing jointly you do not need to share a residence. If you need any advice in this area just ask (I'm a tax accountant).


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## OnErth&InHvn

well i got the call about the 3bdrm townhouse. :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

well see how the interview goes.


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## MommyKC

Good luck! :)


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## OnErth&InHvn

well that low income place wont work, they want me to sign my life away, lol. No thanks. 

Although Dh DID get a GOOD paying job through the same place hes working but instead of working for the temp agency, it will be hired on through the bank! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## MommyKC

Well thats good news! :)


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## OnErth&InHvn

ok so some updates....

DH still works at the bank happydance:) and so money wise and job wise, we are at a good stable place! Im VERY proud of him!! DH still needs to work on the little things, but one day last week he did give the girls a bath without me asking!! :cloud9: There is also talk about us getting out of this current hell hole of a place we call home and moving to a house, which i know would be great motivation for DH to KEEP his job..but thats on hold. We need to work on credit. I am still hoping the one low income place will open up and maybe if things continue to go well we can all move there and save money and sanity. 

Im not saying im not leaving DH, theres always that chance. I just feel like a lot of the burdens have been lifted. There are still many issues and i cant say things are where *I* need them to be, but slowly they are getting there. 

He still needs to work on helping without asking, stop nagging me about stupid stuff, and being involved without asking.


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## OnErth&InHvn

well that went down the comode. Fucker. 

Damn to all hell in a basket. :growlmad:

Seriously, I could wear my stedford wife outfit and clean this 2 room apartment and do dishes, have dinner ready, have the girls dressed, get shit done would i get a "thanks, this looks good"? NO. I can do nothing or even half and do i get a " oh, do you need help?" NO. I get " why didnt you...""why cant you". 

The newest thing he wants is me to wake the girls up after he leaves for work at 8am. FUCK NO!!!!!!

Im sorry i am not. I havent and i wont. The girls give us hell at bedtime. Their bedtime is 9pm and they will literally stay up til 3am and then sleep in until 11. Im NOT waking them up. we share a room, i cant do anything or magic secrets. 

and i swear to fucking god if he says 1 more, ONE MORE thing about MY dogs or me going to church im going to knock him into next tuesday. Im NOT getting rid of my dogs. No. 

He ordered the internet and didnt fucking tell them to not mess with our phone so now instead of a basic phone we have call waiting and all the bells and whistles. Hes too lazy to call them. (phones in his name, i cant call)
Hes suppose to mail in our credit thing to get an old eviction off our credit report weeks ago, has he done it? NO. (its his credit not mine)
THEN I read his email and hes sitting there telling his boss when my grandma died that its MY fault he didnt come in. No, not in one of those " well she got caught up" kind of ways, but he told him how i apparently didnt call or let him know what was going on and how i had been gone all day and it wont happen again...well you fucktard, my grandma died, sorry to put YOU out. 
Then hes late, hes ALWAYS late at jobs and loses them. IM NOT YOUR FUCKING ALARM CLOCK. Guess you got a warning yesterday? " i had to walk across the parking lot, i was late, i blamed it on traffic" yeah? did you? wow, congrats youre stupid. 

so i sent him an email already and told him fine, ill do the stuff he wants and be the person he wants but dont expect rainbows and butterflies. Trust me it wont last. Hell come home today to a clean house and dinner and a wife who wont talk to him. Hell give me the car tomorrow and ill gladly spend his money and no i wont tell him what i did or spent it on. Then on Saturday im going to get my glasses and ill buy the good ones i wanted and ill get my hair permed and ya know what? I WONT feel bad.


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## Laura2919

I haven't read this all but from what I can get its a lot of here and there, you need to decide what it is you want and stick to it. 

I can only give you advice from someone who has been where you are, nothing is ever good enough, nothing will ever be good enough, you cannot change someone unless they want to change. Your being blamed for something that isn't your fault and how long do you want to put up with that?


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## OnErth&InHvn

updates:
DH has been warned SEVERAL times at work about how he smells. Smells of "pet". He even got an official warning from HR. Lovely. Fucking Lovely. SO I go out of MY way and wash his clothes, give him a zippered pillowcase for his next days clothes, got him a plastic bin for his clothes, still smells apparently. :growlmad: I know hell get fired eventually. I just know it. Hey, but well be able to get Foodstamps again, i should be happy right? NO. Im not. Im not happy wed go without income again. How the HELL would he get another job when they call his old one and they say " im sorry, he was let go because of his odor.":growlmad::growlmad::growlmad:
----------------
Then I think he may be up to his old tricks. Hes suddenly asking me about the whores of the apartment building we live in, going on 3am walks...he had/has a SERIOUS porn addiction issue. I mean jacking off even if i was in the room asleep, lying, almost cheating, asking guys/girls online, etc... I kind of believe he got better this whole time and he may have, i dont know. Well until tonight. Combined with the other current behavior, im willing to bet hes up to it again. 
I go to upload a pic to my Photobucket and find a pic of him on my computer. I check the Properties of it. Apparently he uploaded it to my computer tonight. So I confront him. First I get the " I dont know" and then he tries to confuse me claiming its an old pic and he had it in his email and was putting it from his computer to mine for his face book. (this isnt a facebook type face pic if you get me). Then he claims after i tell him im not stupid and that makes no sense that somehow Im the bad guy for even bringing it up and accusing him. WTF ever. 
Then just now, hes on craigslist editing a post and is acting all weird. Yeah he was likely deleting the photo so i didnt find the post since you can narrow the search by photo. He claims " no one posts face shots, they cant tell anything from someones face"...."They ask for face shots to see what you look like, ive looked on there when you were up to no good before." i tell him. 
Im changing my computer password. This is crazy. 

I CANT WAIT to get my apartment.


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## HelenTay

Think you should talk with your husband.


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## OnErth&InHvn

nvm


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## OnErth&InHvn

Well, more complaints from Dhs work. Smells again. BUT he didnt come in yesterday after court (he backed into someone at work :wacko:) and then went in late today, so that didnt help. The smell has to only be DH- the girls and I around other people and no one ever says anything. 

On another front, we moved from the BAD, Horrible, AWFUL part of town to a much better area into a bigger apartment. I feel a lot safer and more peaceful here- it was simply CHAOS there every.single.day. :shock:

and i am waiting to here back from my apartment to see where i am on the waiting list. Based on this thread- I was possibly #19 as of last Oct/Nov, but I think I called sometime this year, but i could be wrong. Id LOVE to be #10 or lower. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thats that. On a happy note, I found out my BFF will be living right down the street if i can move soon!!! 

The ONLY thing im scared about is not having a car. But i know in time it will work out.

***************************************
Got the call from the apartment- #16. :cry::brat:

She did say she sent out letters to see if people still wanted to be on the waiting list and she said a lot of times people respond back and say they found other housing, so that may bump me up some. (fingers crossed, im at least a few people)

so for now? I STILL wait. :shrug:


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## OnErth&InHvn

well I got a JOB!!! :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

Ill be a Home Health Aide!! Im excited. Its the first time ive worked since 05, but it will feel good and ill be independent and able to be on my own better. 

FIRST thing is to get a car!!!!! :happydance::happydance:


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## Shezza84uk

Congratulations! I'm sure you will be happier and feel liberated by gaining your own financial independence x


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## OnErth&InHvn

Shezza84uk said:


> Congratulations! I'm sure you will be happier and feel liberated by gaining your own financial independence x

Thanks! I hope youre right!!


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## OnErth&InHvn

well i talked to my cousin last night and she is divorced of 3yrs. We talked about our situations and she was in a similar one with the same issues, the only difference is her husband ACTED on his impluse, where mine hasnt yet....i dont think. 

It was nice to talk to her.


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## OnErth&InHvn

so why did it feel so good to talk to my cousin? Well because i vented to her. I KNEW what I would come home to this week. why? Because it happens every.single. time. 

We have VBS this week. I am volunteering while the girls are there. DH is home. He sits on his computer from 5pm until 10PM when i walk through the door. No dogs are let out, no dishes done, no housework done, no litter swept. Wow, must be some F*ing awesome video game. :growlmad: I just get tired of having to come home and do it all. I get he works, but seriously? Would it kill him to PUSH a broom? 

Tonight DD1 tried telling him what she did at VBS tonight and he ignored her. Gee Thanks. 

I need to see where i am on the waiting list again and maybe apply for another apartment, maybe their list is shorter. I CANT do this anymore. 

I thought maybe i should stick it out, maybe XYZ should happen and then ill be ready, but no. Im done. Id move yesterday, 2 months ago, 1yr ago if i could of. 

I will be happy. I will have 3 children, NOT 4. I will not carry someone elses burdens.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Im looking for a place to live NOW. He gets paid Aug 18th and im either putting my stuff in storage and living in a hotel or im finding SOMEONE to live with somehow. 

Im DONE. CHECKED OUT. DONE. :nope:


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## OnErth&InHvn

I may have found housing... maybe 2 months from now. :(

I asked my EX (DSs dad) where he lives. Its low income. If i want a 1bdrm its about 2months, otherwise its about 1yr+. I guess ill just try for the 1bdrm on Monday and see what happens. Until then I need to find a place. 2 months is TOO long. :brat:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Applied for housing. 2bdrm is 4month, could be shorter!

HURRY UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


:happydance:


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## OnErth&InHvn

well my BFF gave her no for me moving in- there just isnt room and i figured that. She lives with her sister. 

Ugh. 4mo is WAY TOO LONG. :wacko:


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## OnErth&InHvn

#13 on my housing i applied for in 2011. Im making progress. 12 more people need to turn down or not qualify and then its my turn...finally. 

I did find a friends house i can go to on the weekends, so at least then ill have a break. :happydance:

AND......I FOUND A CAR!!!!!!!!! $400! It will make things SO much easier now.


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## OnErth&InHvn

well that car fell apart. Quite literally. We had it less than a month. 

Im #11 on the housing list now. GRRR :wacko::dohh::growlmad::sad2::devil:

Things with DH and I are back to the way they were when i cant stand to be around him and im tired of picking up after him and doing every.single.thing around here.


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## OnErth&InHvn

nothing really new to report. :flower:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Well things are back to the same- where i cant stand to be around him and he annoys the crap out of me. For a brief moment i 1/2 way considered MAYBE I was considering moving out from anger but no, its just the right thing to do. :thumbup:

I did go by my apartment. I havent been there since i applied! I forgot what it looked like- the building i mean. Its not an apartment at all! Its a Townhouse! A 2 story townhouse with a little patio. Im excited! Of course it still may take a while, but im excited. 
----------------------

and i feel like i have to say this because its frustrating. 

I have been in an abusive relationship before. (before I was with DH). I was pregnant at the time and I didnt have "baggage" (kids, pets, bills, etc). When he beat the crap out of me, i had a place to go. I could literally pack up and leave (and i did). Now?
I feel like I have no where to go and no one is on my side. Why? I have " baggage". I have 2 kids and a dog i want to bring with me. I cant exactly crash on someones couch. So instead of someone helping me (even emotionally), im being told to "suck it up" and "deal with it". Thankfully no, Dh doesnt abuse me but if he did, id be stuck. I feel stuck but I cant imagine my situation being worse and it feel like no one can help in any way. My mom is telling me " get your ducks in a row"-- what does that even mean? I cant get them in more in a row or they wont be in a row! Some things i wont figure out until i move out. 

_The point? Please dont ever tell a woman in a bad relationship to just leave- sometimes it is literally just not that easy. _


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## OnErth&InHvn

He got fired today. Im not surprised. When he cant show up on time, they wont keep anyone!

GAHGAHGAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:cry:


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## Shezza84uk

Oh dear not good at all, hope you find a way out soon x


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## OnErth&InHvn

the latest of his grand plan is to get on unemployment and we get back on food stamps. 

While thats a plan, it doesnt solve the issues of the bills that are already due or due before he gets approved and then what happens if hes denied? :shrug:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Its not the Brady Bunch here, but then again im not Alice or Carol. 

:thumbup:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Today Dh finished applying for Unemployment. It could take up to 4wks to get approved or denied. We havent paid Jan rent yet and Feb is due on the 1st PLUS other bills. This is not good.


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## OnErth&InHvn

another small update- our appointment to get food stamps is the 25th. At least that will be 1 less thing to worry about. Im making Dh go downtown to do it all though. I HATE going down there. :thumbup:


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## OnErth&InHvn

Nothing exciting to report. I actually have a potential interview at the YMCA but I dont think ill take it for several reasons. 1) DH wont homeschool while i work 2) It would give him a reason to NOT look for work


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## OnErth&InHvn

DH got APPROVED for Unemployment. $300/wk but we can make it work. It sucks he wont be working but im glad we dont have to worry any more about what we are going to do.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Cable got turned off yesterday. Next will be the phone or the electric. :devil:

Tonight was my monthly dinner out with my mom, SIL and aunt. (or course I couldnt pay for myself so my mom had to pay) and my SIL asked if DH was looking for a job. Nope. We also still havent heard anything on Unemployment or Taxes. 

I have a budgeting class and I dont feel like going. This isnt a budget issue- this is an employment issue. How can I balance bills that arent turned on or so far behind? How can I balance a check book that is empty? 
I feel as though im in a deep hole and I literally cant get out or i get 1/2 out and then i fall right back in. Marriage is NOT suppose to be like this! Couples fight over money and jobs but theres TRUST the other person will hold a job!


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## OnErth&InHvn

He got approved for UE. Except hes STILL a giant terd about life. 

We are getting taxes tomorrow and yes I am getting US a bed, couch, washer and dryer.....yet " youre only getting what you want". No, you Fing Idiot, im not. All of these benefit the WHOLE family. Remember that job you had when they said you SMELL? Yeah if we had a washer and dryer it wouldnt of happened. :cry:

Then hes moaning because i want to go through all of our stuff and get rid of a bunch of stuff. He was complaining because I was moving stuff around in the kitchen. (I want to hang up the dish rack) He was claiming it was HIS area and how i NEVER do dishes or anything so i had to remind him of the fact no magic fing fairy did it for the last 7yrs. :growlmad:

THEN when I get mad i tell him I want to shove the dish rack at his computer hes staring at and that i CANT wait until my apartment comes up and ill leave him with his precious computer- he tells me I wont be allowed to take anything because i cant prove my uncle gave it to me. Hell would freeze over before my parents or uncle would let DH keep any of it. 
I want to run away so badly. I want some place to go for peace and quiet. I just want to GO. :brat:


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## OnErth&InHvn

I called my apartment today and im #3!!! I go tomorrow at 3 for my interview!!! YAYAYAAYYAY! I was SO excited i kept asking the girl if she was being serious. 

Now to figure out the last minute details.

Do I tell DH? What do I tell him? How much money do i save? Do i take everything or leave something? When do i file for child support? Do i file for divorce right away, even though i dont want to? 

I have wanted this for so long and I am going even if hell freezes over. I NEED this. :thumbup:


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## OnErth&InHvn

We sat down and i had to be honest with him. :blush:

He was upset and angry but seemed to want to agree on things. I will get it in an agreement that way IF we ever go to court I can show the court that WE did try to have a mutual agreement.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Does anyone read this? :cry:

I went today for my interview. I had to fill everything out (fill in missing things, etc). I will be automatically denied if the electric company is on my credit (which it is) and they need to verify everything (monday) but ill hear yes or no next week and can move in next month. I cant take my dog (which is VERY hard on me) unless i get a dr note saying i need to take her (which im working on). 

After the interview i called the electric co. I owe $1400. WOW. If i pay $175 then i can be put on a payment plan and can get it in my name. So i called the apartment and they said thats fine. Ill need to do that tomorrow. 

I need to print a few papers and turn them in Monday. I will have to wait on bringing my dog and that hurts the worse right now. I would get in the DR but i have to wait on my medical card to come in the mail. :nope:


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## Shezza84uk

I read it but I figure your just venting sometimes so best to leave you to do that. Try not to worry I know its easier said than done I hope you get good news and can eventually take your dog xx


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## younglove

Just wanted to give you some support. It absolutely sounds like you're doing the right thing by leaving him. Stay strong!


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## OnErth&InHvn

Well this is it. There is nothing i can do from this point. I have turned in all the paperwork i can. I even wrote a personal letter! She did say im taking more initiative than other people who apply. Hey i dont care, i just want to be approved!!! 

Ill hear by Thursday. FX!! I am venting but theres not really anyone i can talk to about this in person (because the people id tell already can see my life and arent surprised) so sometimes i just need someone to say Hi, I know youre there and I am giving you a hug.


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## OnErth&InHvn

She started my application. :wacko:

I got a phone call from my current landlord BUT he cant give a reference until we pay this months rent. Which we wont have until Friday morning. :( Ive been waiting for so long, even a few days feels like forever!


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## Jslyn9996

I read. Im rooting for you. praying you get accepted. Big hugs. You are being very strong.


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## OnErth&InHvn

Jslyn9996- thank you. :hugs:

I checked out a book at the library today- The Complete Divorce Handbook. I dog eared 1/2 the book, lol. Mostly about property, alimony and things on Separation. 

For example, I CAN and should for CS AND Alimony. Alimony is to help me live. I mean we have been making $36,000/yr and all of a sudden ill be at quite less- alimony is to support me but not forever. I also learned I dont have to wait for anything to file for custody, CS or Alimony. I could have all that in place and never file officially for a divorce. 

I have learned something else in the last week. I have been asking divorced friends/family for advice. I have seen both sides. (where one spouse takes everything, down to the X-mas tree in spite but ive also seen both sides agree on everything). My BFFs sister said to me that her advice (and shes one that has had everything be agreeable) I CANT listen to everyone else on what to do. I have to follow my own heart. I knew that but some how i feel better about it. 
I love DH. I dont love who he is. If I thought for a second things would change, id stay. Stay in terms of not moving out. If i thought things were completely beyond repair Id file for divorce right away. I feel like he needs a wake up call in a major way and I need independence in a way i have never had. If in 6mo, 1yr, 10yrs it all clicks,then GREAT. If not, ill know. Ill know I tried and thats all i could do. 

I did look into other housing just in case i dont get approved (PRAYING I DO GET IT THOUGH!!!!!!) but i really, REALLY want this place. Its in a good neighborhood, good schools (though we homeschool), Great HUD scores, close to family.


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## OnErth&InHvn

I called my apartment Thursday and she said she didnt have any news for me, so thats good. No news is better than a denial letter. My landlord wasnt thrilled when she called him though- he thought we were all up and moving. We had to scramble to pay rent so hed give a good referral for me after we told him what was going on. Electric is paid so i can get gas and electric in my name. 

Then this mom at my MOPS group has a big heart and God has been speaking to her and through her. Shes pretty awesome. 

As for other things, I opened a savings account. I put all the cash i had in it. Now i wont have to worry about making it. :) 

Then tonight when i got home from a dinner/playdate DH is claiming i should be careful about doing anything but moving out because he knows all my "secrets" (because some how i have big life changing secrets hes aware of but im not?) and could be spiteful if he wanted to be. Fine I told him, go ahead but it wont do any good. Im not going to run back to him and thank him with open arms nor stay with him if he does anything stupid. :growlmad:


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## Jslyn9996

Headed in the right direction. Getting all those loose ends squared away. Good job! Hope you get that acceptance letter soon! Sounds like he is grasping at straws to keep you.


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## Shezza84uk

Just catching up on this sounds like things are moving forward. I hope you get your approval letter soon as for your husband ignore him, his manipulation is a pathetic desperate attempt to get you to stay as long as he has access to the children he should be thankful, fingers crossed for you x


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## OnErth&InHvn

I got denied. :brat::devil:

It was because of my rental history. A past landlord gave a bad reference, which i knew he would and even told the apartment that. It doesnt matter if i appeal it or apply other places, Ill have to list that apartment on my application and theyll call him and ill keep getting denied. But IF i wait til 2015, then I wouldnt have to list him because they only want the last 5yrs. :nope:

Im officially stuck. Being stuck is worse than being miserable every day. 

What choice do I have? Stay and work it out as it crumbles around me? Stay and be miserable? Leaving isnt an option because i dont have a job to get a normal apartment and i still couldnt pay my bills on my own. The cheapest apartment around here is $350. Id need $700 just to move in! Thats not including electric or anything else. UGH. 

I guess my journey is done then. Im doomed to stay stuck in a marriage that isnt working because even a low income place wont give someone a second chance. (BTW, out of 15 places weve lived- only 2 wouldnt give a good reference. Everywhere else would). :hissy::hissy:


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## Shezza84uk

I'm so sorry its tuned out this way, I hope eventually some other way will pop up and you can get the fresh start you deserve. Do come and vent its better than not having anyone to talk to sending you lots of hugs xx


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## OnErth&InHvn

My last post was in Feb. 

My marriage has COMPLETELY turned around (and upside down) since then! Now its in a GOOD place and Im in a good place and I can write about it. 

In Feb that i posted I started a new church and going to a grief group for my grandma who passed away. There was a woman there who i had never met before or talked to and she was offering furniture so i called her and set up a time. I went to meet with her and she had a vision from god right there in front of me about my husband and that we would be at the altar. We were like " yeah ok, whatever". 

At this point a friend from MOPS had given me the book The Power Of The Praying Wife and I started praying for our marriage. It was VERY VERY slow progress and God spoke to me in MANY ways. He was very clear to STAY in my marriage though. 

In March my husbands Sex Addiction came out. i knew he had this addiction for a very long time but i was in denial and so was he. he got help and i got help and then our marriage got even better! There was slow progress, it was NOT over night. There were mountains to climb and many MANY fights, blame games and even thoughts of " WHY ". 

In May however God had a different plan and my husbands TRUE sex addiction details came out. He had cheated on me 5 times unprotected. How was i going to get past that? What was I going to do? God worked on me and my husband. God showed me things I have never seen. My husband started going to church and believing in God. There was CLEAR, TRUE change in him. He WANTED to get better. He wanted this marriage. 

After that, we considered what the vision lady had seen. Should we renew our vows? It made sense. We had overcome this obstacle and we needed a fresh start. 

Well, Nov 9, we are doing it. We are starting over. :happydance::happydance:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The point of that is this:
I really thought there was no way out. I thought I couldnt be in a marriage like that. I thought i didnt want a husband like that. I deserve better. I need better. Even after his addiction came out, I thought there was no way, im crazy. However, IF you can work it out with your partner, PLEASE try. Many times now I can look back and see the small changes i couldnt see before. My husband is completely different. All the things i posted about before arent worries anymore. 

He has been unemployed since Jan and got a job through a church friend at Chick Fil A (making 1/2 what he was and ENJOYING IT)
He has good, church friend who encourage and love him. He didnt have a support system before. 
He does NOT stay on the computer anymore. There is a filter so he cant be tempted into his old ways but he chooses his family over the computer.
He helps around the house where before i think he really thought a fairy did it.
He takes the leadership role now. Hes the husband and the Father, 
He is encouraging our children for what a happy marriage SHOULD be... no daily fighting. Agreements on everything. Love. Passion.

:hugs: for EVERY.SINGLE.MOM on this board that is, was or will be single. There is HOPE. 

** I realize not every relationship can work out. I know not every spouse wants to work it out or work on their issues. This is the plan God had for MY life, that may not be what he has for yours.


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## babycrazy1706

Fabulous news!! 
Just read through your entire journal! Very happy for you! Totally reinforces my belief of 'everything happens for a reason' you were not meant to get that appartment hun, it wasn't gods plan. We have to trust in Him and His timing! So glad it worked out for you! Look forward to more happy updates! Best wishes to you and your family. :)


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## Baby France

Aw I am so happy that you've both found a way forward xxx


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## Aimee4311

I just read through your journal too (stayed up way too late finishing it!). I've got to say, it was like a good ending to a book! 

I'm so happy you're in a happy place in your marriage and your husband is truly involved in life now! I'm so happy for both of you!


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## OnErth&InHvn

We renewed our vows. It was a wonderful ceremony. My 2 BFFs were on my side and DH had his 2 friends. Our 2 daughters were in it. DHs mom even came and stayed with us. It really felt good to do. 

I forgot my vows. :blush:

I also had a massive gallbladder attack that weekend. Not fun. I have had 3 kids and nothing hurt that bad like this. 

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Since then our marriage was tested through unemplyment and employment. Moving into our first house and now unemployment again. Things are still going great and we are both truly happy. Dh is over a year CLEAN from his addiction and I could not be more happy!


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