# Poor them



## Desi's_lost

On facebook today a group of people were talking about if/when they have children they wont have a problem hitting them if necessary. I pointed out that most of the problem with kids today is that a parent says something and is ignored, sets a punishment that is never filled and then wonders why their child misbehaves. I also threw in that my parents had hit me a few times and all it had done was make me madder at them for doing it. The reply I got was "You weren't hit right then" that same person also said, "Its only abuse if they dont love you~ corny as it sounds lol"

...

I hope these two never come to a parenting forum with those ideals..I don't think they'll make it far.


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## MommyGrim

What do they mean by hitting? Like spanking? or like hitting across the face?


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## Desi's_lost

I'm guessing seeing I "wasnt hit right" because it didnt scare me or anything they cant just mean a quick slap on the butt.


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## Strawberrymum

I always said i would never spank my children and the other day I did. I wasn't even thinking about it, it was automatic. she went to open the oven so I said no firmly and distracted her with something else then she got up and ran over to it so I smack her. On the hand, Not enough to make her cry although I did. How else can I discipline her? Does time out work? She's usually not naughty so I rairly have to.


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## Desi's_lost

Strawberrymum said:


> I always said i would never spank my children and the other day I did. I wasn't even thinking about it, it was automatic. she went to open the oven so I said no firmly and distracted her with something else then she got up and ran over to it so I smack her. On the hand, Not enough to make her cry although I did. How else can I discipline her? Does time out work? She's usually not naughty so I rairly have to.

smacking a hand is one thing, but that wasnt the vibe i got from what they were saying.


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## annawrigley

I don't see the point in hitting personally, only teaches them that violence is what you do when you don't like someone's actions. Even more ridiculous when people punish violence with a smack lol, confusing much.


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## lily123

I certainly won't be hitting my daughter.
It's a rediculous punishment that IMO, doesn't work. I was hit as a child and it's just make me resent my Dad as i grew up, it's just unnessacary.


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## JessdueJan

the only time i would hit my child is a quick tap of the hand if they are going to touch something dangerous such as the oven as stated above...in that case it kind of becomes an automatic quick response. I would explain to them why I did it though. 
Definately do not agree with smacking as a general punishment..and cannot see the point in punishing violence with a smack :shrug:


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## Strawberrymum

I totally DONT believe in spanking. A tap on the hand every now and again for dangerous things there about to touch I think will do more good than bad.


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## laura1991

I dont see the point in hitting or smaking children, your just teaching them violence aggression, it doesnt really punish them effectively, its just something that will more than likely cause your child to resent you.


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## annawrigley

Strawberrymum said:


> I totally DONT believe in spanking. A tap on the hand every now and again for dangerous things there about to touch I think will do more good than bad.

I know you were acting out of panic and I'm totally not judging you for that, but pulling them away from whatever and a stern NO or 'hot' would send just the same message :flower: I have a safety gate on the kitchen door cos I was sick of Noah raiding my fridge and pots and pans cupboard :coffee: So I just lock him away when the oven's on! :lol:


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## vinteenage

I have to say, I was spanked as a kid and it definitely worked with me. I knew if I did something bad, it would hurt!

ETA: That being said I dont know what well be doing with Finn. Im erring towards not spanking but honestly, who knows. It definitely wouldn't be a 'common' punishment, only for the really bad/dangerous things, when he is old enough to know better.


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## Desi's_lost

vinteenage said:


> I have to say, I was spanked as a kid and it definitely worked with me. I knew if I did something bad, it would hurt!
> 
> ETA: That being said I dont know what well be doing with Finn. Im erring towards not spanking but honestly, who knows. It definitely wouldn't be a 'common' punishment, only for the really bad/dangerous things, when he is old enough to know better.

I was hit occasionally, when my parents got particularly mad, i'm a big boundary pusher, and that never did anything except make me really angry. Maybe I stopped yelling but be sure i was thinking "You mother bleep bleep how dare you hit me." Its the same as saying no and letting the child do it anyway, either you need to smack for anything or not at all because it just sends mixed messaged. From my experience anyway.


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## amygwen

I was spanked and I was honestly one of the most best behaved children. My friends parents asked my parents what they did to make such a polite child :winkwink: LOL

I don't know what I'll be like when LO is older but I'm not completely eliminating spanking. My parents were strict but we weren't afraid of them, it wasn't like that. Us kids knew if we pushed and pushed.. we would get spanked, so that's why we were so polite and we KNEW to stop doing whatever we were doing. My mom's done some really crap things in her life, but I think she raised all of us fine and we turned out great, with that being said.. spanking works for some people and spanking doesn't work for others. I try not to judge other parenting decisions.


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## lily123

Being smacked as a child just taught me violence i think... i was a very well behaved child, but when i got into my teenage years i seemed to think it was acceptable to punch people if they pissed me off :dohh: i was always in trouble for fighting with other girls, i once was excluded from school for 3 months for breaking a girls nose in the middle of a science lesson. At the time i wasn't even sorry because 'I was provoked so it wasn't my fault' which is totally NOT the right attitude!
Needless to say no-one messed with me after that :haha: but i had a horrendous reputation for being agressive and rough, so it took me ages to make friends. Such a shame because i'm actually a really nice person :haha:
I'm 100% convinced being smacked as a child was the cause of it, and i certainly don't want Esmee behaving like i did!
xxx


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## annawrigley

I was never smacked and I was an absolute angel until I hit 14 lol. Could have done with some smacks during the 2 years that followed! Obviously I'm an angel again now :smug:
And woahhh Linzie, remind me not to piss you off :argh:


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## Hotbump

well i was smacked and i have some hate toward my parents for that. I never got to hang out with friends it was always school home and church yet i still got smacked and yelled at and being told i was such a spoiled horrible child. I did have a cellphone and all my family called me spoiled for getting one but everytime someone called me or i called someone my parents had to talk to them first. I am not going to spank my child for no good reason although i have gaven a little tap on the hand to jovanni but it wasnt intentionally it was just an automatic reaction when he is doing something that is going to hurt himsellf like wanting to touch the stove when its on.


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## annawrigley

I don't get the oven example lol, grabbing their hand takes as much effort as slapping it?


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## Shortcake01

I was smacked 3 times as a child and it was a well deserved punishment. Now as an adult, I have never been in a fight, never hit anyone and certainly am not a violent person so it doesnt quite follow that it teaches children violence! Nothing wrong with a smacked bum in my opinion but not something I would do all the time. I do firmly believe though that people have to do whats right for them and I wouldnt condone anyone that has the opposite view to me. xxx ps I have a fab relationship with my mum and never resented her in the slightest.


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## Burchy314

vinteenage said:


> I have to say, I was spanked as a kid and it definitely worked with me. I knew if I did something bad, it would hurt!
> 
> ETA: That being said I dont know what well be doing with Finn. Im erring towards not spanking but honestly, who knows. It definitely wouldn't be a 'common' punishment, only for the really bad/dangerous things, when he is old enough to know better.

I agree with this. I was spanked as a kid, but probably like 5 times at most and only when is was something really bad or if they gave me lots of warnings to stop. It worked for me. 

I am also going to not spank my kid but like she said who knows. But if I did do it it would be for something very very bad after I had tried time outs and what not. I would never hit my kids anywhere other then the butt.


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## Hotbump

if you grab jovanni's hand he wont listen to you or to timeouts he has no respect i have only gaven him a small tap on the hand because he was going to touch the stve and he hasnt touch it since then but before then i would give him a stern no and would also pull him away from the stove but he kept on trying to touch it. I feel awful but like i said it wasnt intentionally.


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## lily123

annawrigley said:


> I was never smacked and I was an absolute angel until I hit 14 lol. Could have done with some smacks during the 2 years that followed! Obviously I'm an angel again now :smug:
> *And woahhh Linzie, remind me not to piss you off *:argh:

:lol: I'm not like that anymore! apart from when it comes to FOB, i have to use some serious self control there :lol:
Nahh now if someone pisses me off i just cry and let people walk alllllll over me :haha:

Anyhoo, I think theres a distinct difference between full on smacking your child, to a tap on the hand. Although i do agree with Anna that it takes the exact same amount of time to grab their hand away as it takes to hit it, this is what i plan to do with Esmee.


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## wishuwerehere

I don't agree with it really, I was smacked once or twice as a child but it wasn't really something my parents did and I was very well behaved until I left home for uni!
I also think as it's an aggressive act, you only smack in anger, and what makes you angry enough to smack on a bad day will be different than on a good day, IYKWIM? And that means it can't ever be a consistent act of discipline, your child won't know when to expect it and all it teaches is fear.


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## x__amour

I will never spank Tori, *ever*. I can't even count the times that my parents pulled out a belt to spank us. Never going to touch her. :nope:


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## sleepinbeauty

I will try my damned hardest not to spank my children. I will, however, give a slap on the hand for something really, really deserving of it.


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## annawrigley

lily123 said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> I was never smacked and I was an absolute angel until I hit 14 lol. Could have done with some smacks during the 2 years that followed! Obviously I'm an angel again now :smug:
> *And woahhh Linzie, remind me not to piss you off *:argh:
> 
> :lol: I'm not like that anymore! apart from when it comes to FOB, i have to use some serious self control there :lol:
> *Nahh now if someone pisses me off i just cry and let people walk alllllll over me *
> 
> Anyhoo, I think theres a distinct difference between full on smacking your child, to a tap on the hand. Although i do agree with Anna that it takes the exact same amount of time to grab their hand away as it takes to hit it, this is what i plan to do with Esmee.Click to expand...

Lol, I do this. :roll:
And you controlled yourself well at Esmee's party! Civil and everything! :haha:


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## lily123

annawrigley said:


> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> I was never smacked and I was an absolute angel until I hit 14 lol. Could have done with some smacks during the 2 years that followed! Obviously I'm an angel again now :smug:
> *And woahhh Linzie, remind me not to piss you off *:argh:
> 
> :lol: I'm not like that anymore! apart from when it comes to FOB, i have to use some serious self control there :lol:
> *Nahh now if someone pisses me off i just cry and let people walk alllllll over me *
> 
> Anyhoo, I think theres a distinct difference between full on smacking your child, to a tap on the hand. Although i do agree with Anna that it takes the exact same amount of time to grab their hand away as it takes to hit it, this is what i plan to do with Esmee.Click to expand...
> 
> Lol, I do this. :roll:
> And you controlled yourself well at Esmee's party! Civil and everything! :haha:Click to expand...

There were a few close calls though :lol: OMG, off topic, but you know that songbook that amos' mum gave Esmee for her birthday? Me and Jamie listened to one of the CD's, and it's just her singing! No background music or any form of accompaniment! It is HORRENDOUS. I still laugh every time i think about it! I might have to put it on my iPod so you can have a cheeky listen :rofl:


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## annawrigley

lily123 said:


> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> lily123 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> annawrigley said:
> 
> 
> I was never smacked and I was an absolute angel until I hit 14 lol. Could have done with some smacks during the 2 years that followed! Obviously I'm an angel again now :smug:
> *And woahhh Linzie, remind me not to piss you off *:argh:
> 
> :lol: I'm not like that anymore! apart from when it comes to FOB, i have to use some serious self control there :lol:
> *Nahh now if someone pisses me off i just cry and let people walk alllllll over me *
> 
> Anyhoo, I think theres a distinct difference between full on smacking your child, to a tap on the hand. Although i do agree with Anna that it takes the exact same amount of time to grab their hand away as it takes to hit it, this is what i plan to do with Esmee.Click to expand...
> 
> Lol, I do this. :roll:
> And you controlled yourself well at Esmee's party! Civil and everything! :haha:Click to expand...
> 
> There were a few close calls though :lol: OMG, off topic, but you know that songbook that amos' mum gave Esmee for her birthday? Me and Jamie listened to one of the CD's, and it's just her singing! No background music or any form of accompaniment! It is HORRENDOUS. I still laugh every time i think about it! I might have to put it on my iPod so you can have a cheeky listen :rofl:Click to expand...

Amazing... Not that she loves herself or anything! :| You have to watch the film back of unwrapping Esmee's presents, your expression was priceless "Oh.. a song book... oh how thoughtful" *chucks in pile with a :roll: face*


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## Rhio92

I don't agee with smacking... I wasn't just smacked, I was full on wacked as a child if my mum lost her temper.
What used to piss me ff most was when I'd hit my brother, then i'd get 'no!' *slap* Just like HEY, WTFFFFFFF :gun:


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## AriannasMama

Spanking has been proven to not work anyways, depending on the situation a tap on the thigh/hand is all I can think of doing. I'll also not being using the word "no" all the time because I think it should be saved for when the child is in serious danger so they know that you are serious. Anytime she is doing anything else she isn't supposed to do I'll tell her she can't do whatever it is and give her a reason why not.


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## bbyno1

I wouldn't ever 'spank/smack' Aliyah.
Im a pretty calm person and i would rather quickly grab Aliyah away from the oven and explain that its hot and not to touch it again (thats when she understands:haha:).
My mum used to think by hitting me it would make me listen but it made me worse.
I would much prefer being sat down and told what i done wrong,speak about it and i probably wouldn't of done it again but i never had that approach as a child.


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## MommyGrim

I was spanked pretty regularly as a child and I'm pretty well behaved, I honestly think it worked for me. I plan to use spanking on Avalon when it's necessary; and I have. I smacked her butt a few times when she stood up in her bathtub because she hit her head on the side, and now she doesn't stand up anymore. :shrug:


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## Hotbump

imo i think 8 months is too young i didnt tap jovanni's hand until he was 2 but i will respect your choice

i havent tap his hand since april and dont plan on doing it again im working on time outs no matter how hard it may be


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## Desi's_lost

Smacking an eight month old? They are far too young to understand right and wrong. Syri's six months and she's still certain that if she sucks on anything it'll give her milk when shes hungry...


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## MommyGrim

Desi's_lost said:


> Smacking an eight month old? They are far too young to understand right and wrong. Syri's six months and she's still certain that if she sucks on anything it'll give her milk when shes hungry...

Obviously not for Avalon, like I said, it worked for me.


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## Hotbump

it may work for now but what ive seen so far its that when another child does something wrong they may think its okay to smack that child since mommy does it to them thats why i've stopped with jovanni


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## Lucy22

I agree with a lot of whats been said. I was smacked and hit quite regularly as a child, and as a teenager. I remember my father losing his temper with me when I was about 17 and whacking me across the face. My mum was really mellow, and very very rarely hit us, but my dad was quite viscous and I resent him for it now, cause I can see most of its so unnecessary. Myself and my brothers were always fighting and hitting each other, so it just set a bad example really. They also used to call us names, like sp**tic and idiots all the time, it was awful.

I've never hit Elena, nor do I plan to. She has a naughty chair, that she goes to for timeout. If she has been really bold, her privileges are taken away, such as she won't be allowed go to the park with daddy or bake cupcakes with me. I rarely raise my voice either, I save that for dangerous situations. My "cross voice" is usually enough to get her attention. She is a calm child, and the way we do it works best for us.

I wouldn't judge anyone who does spank/hit their child, though. Every child is different, so every set of boundaries need to be different too.

Hope that didn't come across judgemental or anything :flower:


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## taylorxx

My dad used to spank me and it scared the shit out of me. Let's just say I thought before I acted haha. He rarely spanked my sister or got onto her and now she's a spoiled brat.


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## lily123

Smacking an eight month old baby on the butt is awful, thats far to young to understand!


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## taylorxx

I think spanking works for SOME children. I think it depends on the child's personality in a way. If another form of discipline works, then do that. Spanking was the only thing that worked for me... haha I was a bit of a brat I guess 


EDIT: Even though I WAS spanked, I was never an agressive/violet child. Even to this day I'm not...


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## taylorxx

lily123 said:


> Smacking an eight month old baby on the butt is awful, thats far to young to understand!

Oh yes I agree. I don't believe ANYBODY should smack a baby/young toddler!! It should only be done if the child can recognize what they did wrong and what's going to happen if they do it again, ykwim?


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## stephx

I would never smack Ava, as most other people have said, it's pointless and I don't want to teach her to be violent.

Cari, I am trying to do the same as you, save 'no' for really bad things... I'm so rubbish at it though, I find myself saying it automatically as shes crawling behind the tv, throwing food about blah blah lol x


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## Hotbump

i have tapped jovanni's hand about 4 times started in march stopped around the first week of may i stopped because everytime that jr did something that he didnt like he would tap jr's hand and make him cry but now since i've stopped he has stopped hitting jr a bit. All im saying it might work right now but there will be consequences later on when she might think that hitting other kids is okay.


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## AriannasMama

Ari is still young so I haven't really had to use no yet but when she pulls hair or glasses I just say "don't pull mommy's hair, it hurts" "don't take my glasses, i need those!" etc in hopes that she will learn not to do those things soon. I always want to give her a reason for why she can't do whatever it is so she knows why. If I just say "no!" she won't know what I'm talking about or why she can't do it.


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## annawrigley

MommyGrim said:


> Desi's_lost said:
> 
> 
> Smacking an eight month old? They are far too young to understand right and wrong. Syri's six months and she's still certain that if she sucks on anything it'll give her milk when shes hungry...
> 
> Obviously not for Avalon, like I said, it worked for me.Click to expand...

Yeah cos she's scared of getting hit now. Noah stands up in the bath all the time and I just say no sit down and if he doesn't, hold his arm and he sits. He's hurt himself loads of times (not just doing this) but kids do and I would rather he hurt himself (minorly) by accident than I slapped him for no reason when he was way too young to understand anyway...


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## annawrigley

On a lighter note, I used time out again today and it worked :happydance: We're in an awkward stage where Noah has started to be "naughty" deliberately (I know its deliberate because he looks right at me when doing something I've just told him not to) but too young to understand punishment (or so I thought). Today he started emptying the drawers in the living room so I said NO and he carried on so I picked him up and sat him at the far corner of the room and he just sat there sulking for a bit and didnt do it again lol.


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## Croc-O-Dile

annawrigley said:


> On a lighter note, I used time out again today and it worked :happydance: We're in an awkward stage where Noah has started to be "naughty" deliberately (I know its deliberate because he looks right at me when doing something I've just told him not to) but too young to understand punishment (or so I thought). Today he started emptying the drawers in the living room so I said NO and he carried on so I picked him up and sat him at the far corner of the room and he just sat there sulking for a bit and didnt do it again lol.

Yay for time out working! :happydance:


Although I have to say I've smacked Livi's hand before and it's worked. She went through this phase where she'd hit people all the time and believe it or not it actually hurt! I tried the stern "NO!" the time-out, etc. Nothing worked. So finally I grabbed her hand and smacked her back while saying "No" and she doesn't hit people anymore. It's not that she's scared of being hit, she's just associated hitting people with "No."

All children learn differently when it comes to discipline and plenty of child psychiatrists would back that up. What works for one doesn't always work for others. And if you've tried the nice way and it's repeatedly failed then tapping them on the hand so they learn their lesson is much better than having them run wild and be bad as hell.

I obviously have a very "natural" approach to parenting, what with the bf'ing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, etc. so for me to say, "Yeah, I've smacked her on the hand" You know it was literally my last ditch effort to get her to stop. She wasn't putting two-and-two together when I was saying no *after* she'd hit somebody. But the moment I said no *while* I tapped her hand she got the picture. 

I really don't think it's fair to judge parents who've spanked their kids before though. Because like I said, some of them have literally exhausted every other option.

:ETA: When I say "smacked" or "hit" I mean tapping them light enough to not hurt them but cupping your hand slightly so it makes a loud noise. And by cupping your hand I don't mean punching :haha:


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## vinteenage

Goodness, I dont think Mommygrim is smacking Avalon. :dohh: I'm picturing a light tap, not enough to hurt and make her cry but enough to get her attention. 

Seriously ladies, I don't see it as a big deal nor do I see it as any different then smacking a child's hand. It's not WHACKING them, so it actually hurts and makes them cry. Obviously, some parents do/did that but I'm assuming those of us here know enough to not inflict pain on our children.

What 'evs. I'll just be an evil butt tapping, hand swatting mama. :coffee: I don't think Finn will be ruined by it.


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## Desi's_lost

Hand swatting and butt swatting is one thing on a toddler and up, but I just don't understand what an infant is going to learn from being swat at/hit/tapped. I also feel it opens the door to more severe punishments as the child ages, just the way abuse starts with a single hit here or there and ends in hospital trips. 
I also dont understand what hitting is going to teach if it isn't hurting the child. They aren't going to fear it so....what are they learning other than hitting is okay? 'when i'm bad mommy taps me on the butt' well...so? How is that going to stop them?


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## Croc-O-Dile

vinteenage said:


> Goodness, I dont think Mommygrim is smacking Avalon. :dohh: I'm picturing a light tap, not enough to hurt and make her cry but enough to get her attention.
> 
> Seriously ladies, I don't see it as a big deal nor do I see it as any different then smacking a child's hand. It's not WHACKING them, so it actually hurts and makes them cry. Obviously, some parents do/did that but I'm assuming those of us here know enough to not inflict pain on our children.
> 
> What 'evs. I'll just be an evil butt tapping, hand swatting mama. :coffee: I don't think Finn will be ruined by it.

Daphne, I love you :rofl:


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## rjb

I tap Adelaide's hand when she pulls hair. But I literally mean tap. I just poke her hand repeatedly until she let's go.
It's not really a punishment though, it just seems less painful than prying her hand loose.


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## Croc-O-Dile

Desi's_lost said:


> Hand swatting and butt swatting is one thing on a toddler and up, but I just don't understand what an infant is going to learn from being swat at/hit/tapped. I also feel it opens the door to more severe punishments as the child ages, just the way abuse starts with a single hit here or there and ends in hospital trips.
> I also dont understand what hitting is going to teach if it isn't hurting the child. They aren't going to fear it so....what are they learning other than hitting is okay? 'when i'm bad mommy taps me on the butt' well...so? How is that going to stop them?

I gave a perfect example in my post of how it stops them. Livi wasn't understanding that we were saying no and trying to stop her from hitting others. Once I put the two together she got it right away.

And this isn't anything against you, Desi, but I REALLY hate it when people say "it's just like abuse" having lived through ACTUAL life-threatening abuse, I can assure you all that swatting a child's hand is not abuse. Nor does it open the gateways to abuse. An abuser has malicious intent when going after somebody to HARM them. They have cycles that they follow and the look for any chance to take charge and physically over power you. The mindset of an abuser is not the need to teach his victims anything, it's to overpower them and to make them feel like he is god.

When I tap my daughter on the hand, it's not to hurt her or because I was to overpower her, it's to help her learn that she can not do that.

ETA: Reading over my post again it does seem like I'm coming at you about the whole "it's not abuse" thing, but I'm really not. You mentioned abuse and it sparked a rant I've had built up for quite some time. That wasn't personal attack :flower:


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## Desi's_lost

I never said that tapping/swatting is abuse, but i think you're wrong that something harmless like that cant evolve. 
Heres a real life example of that, back when FOB and I were together he was emotionally abusive and at times i would get so angry at him that i'd push him. over time instead of that being a last ditch effort, it was the first thing i'd do. that or slap him. it went on that way till he said "What? Are you going to hit me? Go ahead push me again, I don't care." Which was when it clicked that my reaction had gotten out of hand and i needed to stop. Even if he deserved that and worse, it wasn't right for me to hit him. 

I'm not saying that someone who starts off swatting a hand here and there out of desperation is abusive nor that they will automatically become abusive but i'm sorry hitting will never be right to me. As far as experience has shown me, its a pandoras box situation.

ETA: I didnt think you were at all, and I hope my post doesnt come over as attacking or rude or anything either.


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## rjb

OT, but what is ETA?


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## AriannasMama

Taps to catch a childs attention isn't wrong either. I have to admit sometimes when Arianna starts trying to roll away when I am changing a poopy diaper I will tap her thigh and tell her to stay still. Its not enough to hurt her, its just enough to catch her attention so she doesn't roll all over the carpet with poop everywhere, lol. She needs to learn at some point to stay still while I change her diaper, so why not start teaching her as early as possible?


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## Desi's_lost

Rebecca- It means you edited the post.

Cari- I roll Syri back over and put a hand on her tummy and tell her 'stop', catches her attention just the same. :flower:


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## AriannasMama

I've tried, my child is DETERMINED to move so as soon as I roll her back and put my hand on her tummy she just arches her back, screams, and as soon as I move my hand to get her diaper on she's back at rolling away, lol. If strapping her down wasn't cruel I'd just do that, lol.


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## AriannasMama

I shoud add, I don't do it as a punishment because of course she doesn't know any better, but she needs to learn at some point that she needs to stay still when I change her and what I've been doing is what works for us. Rolling her back over and laying my hand on her tummy doesn't do anything.


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## x__amour

rjb said:


> OT, but what is ETA?

Edited to add. :flower:


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## xx~Lor~xx

Desi's_lost said:


> The reply I got was *"You weren't hit right then"* that same person also said, *"Its only abuse if they dont love you*~ corny as it sounds lol"

:saywhat: 

Don't believe in hitting a child, if you can't get your message through to them and or punish your child in a less physical way, then your not patient enough. My parents hit me, can't say it ever worked, and I hated them for it.


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## vinteenage

Desi's_lost said:


> Cari- I roll Syri back over and put a hand on her tummy and tell her 'stop', catches her attention just the same. :flower:

If I do this to Finn, he thinks it's the "Roly Rolly Finn Game" and will then roll back and forth, laughing. Semi-sharply turning him back and saying "NO." gets him to look directly at me and make him reconsider. If he does it again he gets a small little tap on his butt (again, not to hurt him but enough to make him notice it and look at me).

Babies learn cause and effect pretty quickly, at least Finn does. Since 5 months he knows that if he throws his damn cow toy it makes an (obnoxious, thanks OH!) "booing!" noise. Then he does it again..and again...and again...

Ally? Livi and Finn can go to therapy together for us being teh evil!!111!!! parents.


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## amygwen

rjb said:


> OT, but what is ETA?


LOL I am so glad you asked this :blush:
I always see people use it but I never know what it means..


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## AriannasMama

vinteenage said:


> Desi's_lost said:
> 
> 
> Cari- I roll Syri back over and put a hand on her tummy and tell her 'stop', catches her attention just the same. :flower:
> 
> If I do this to Finn, he thinks it's the "Roly Rolly Finn Game" and will then roll back and forth, laughing. Semi-sharply turning him back and saying "NO." gets him to look directly at me and make him reconsider. If he does it again he gets a small little tap on his butt (again, not to hurt him but enough to make him notice it and look at me).
> 
> Babies learn cause and effect pretty quickly, at least Finn does. Since 5 months he knows that if he throws his damn cow toy it makes an (obnoxious, thanks OH!) "booing!" noise. Then he does it again..and again...and again...
> 
> Ally? Livi and Finn can go to therapy together for us being teh evil!!111!!! parents.Click to expand...


Right? I do it and then its a game lol. I don't mind as much with just wet diapers but when its poopy I would rather not have that smeared all into our light colored carpet lol.


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## annawrigley

rjb said:


> I tap Adelaide's hand when she pulls hair. But I literally mean tap. I just poke her hand repeatedly until she let's go.
> It's not really a punishment though, it just seems less painful than prying her hand loose.

Opening a child's hand does not hurt...

Children hit, children bite, children pull hair, children kick. Should I say babies, because at 5 months they are still very much BABIES. She does not understand she's hurting you, and hurting her back is gonna teach her nothing :dohh: Seems too many people are quick to "discipline" when they are way too young to understand anyway. Even at 1 I think they are too young to understand. They're babies.


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## Hotbump

Im not sure where i read this but i think it was in psycology class or something but the book said that at the age of 2 they know when they are given a command but they still dont comprehend that they are suppose to do it until they reach the age of four do they comprehend when given a command and that they are suppose to do it. Other wise if you are smaking your child they will do observational learning in other words monkey see monkey do.


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## rjb

annawrigley said:


> rjb said:
> 
> 
> I tap Adelaide's hand when she pulls hair. But I literally mean tap. I just poke her hand repeatedly until she let's go.
> It's not really a punishment though, it just seems less painful than prying her hand loose.
> 
> Opening a child's hand does not hurt...
> 
> Children hit, children bite, children pull hair, children kick. Should I say babies, because at 5 months they are still very much BABIES. She does not understand she's hurting you, and hurting her back is gonna teach her nothing :dohh: Seems too many people are quick to "discipline" when they are way too young to understand anyway. Even at 1 I think they are too young to understand. They're babies.Click to expand...

I can assure you poking her and doesn't hurt her. I specifically said, I tap her. No harder than you would tap someone on the shoulder to get their attention. I'm not smacking her hand until she lets go. I'm poking it.

ETA: I did specifically say I poke it, and actually, bending determined little fingers back sounds much much worse than letting her open it on her own time IMO


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## Croc-O-Dile

Hotbump said:


> Im not sure where i read this but i think it was in psycology class or something but the book said that at the age of 2 they know when they are given a command but they still dont comprehend that they are suppose to do it until they reach the age of four do they comprehend when given a command and that they are suppose to do it. Other wise if you are smaking your child they will do observational learning in other words monkey see monkey do.

No offense, but child psychology is a load of generalized shit. My passionate hatred for the subject is so strong I can feel my blood pressure rising as I type. At 2 years old I was articulating at the level of a 4 year old. I knew what was being asked of me and that I should not do things like run in the street. I never hit people despite being spanked myself.


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## rjb

WSS mostly ^^
I was spanked, and I'm terrified of fighting. I've never hit someone because I was mad at them.


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## Hotbump

i put my opinion you put yours my parents spanked me and i have some hate toward them for it but i was never disrespectful or did i hit anyone but i know that even if they hadnt spanked me i would never be disrespectful or hit someone. There is a difference between spank and a tap on the hand. i also went to psychologist and it didnt work for me but there are some things that i do agree on plus im not even studying psychology im studying business administration and psychology just happens to be one of my classes and there somethings that worked for me and MY TODDLER and there where other things that didnt.


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## Croc-O-Dile

Hotbump said:


> i put my opinion you put yours my parents spanked me and i have some hate toward them for it but i was never disrespectful or did i hit anyone but i know that even if they hadnt spanked me i would never be disrespectful or hit someone. There is a difference between spank and a tap on the hand. i also went to psychologist and it didnt work for me but there are some things that i do agree on plus im not even studying psychology im studying business administration and psychology just happens to be one of my classes and there somethings that worked for me and MY TODDLER and there where other things that didnt.

I wasn't going after you, like I said before every child is different. I was going off about child psych. I had to take it as well, hence my hatred for it. Half there "research" is conducted on children who have underlying issues leading them to the answer they want. And their theories often have no scientific evidence to support them. Wasn't an attack on you, I was throwing stones at child psych in general.


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## Hotbump

i know you werent attacking me i never took it that way and im sorry if you felt i was attcking you i wasnt


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## rjb

Just to state my position, I'm write there with Daphne and Ally.
I have no intentions of spanking my daughter. Its not as though any of us would do it just so our children fear us.
It's a last turn punishment when nothing else has worked.
That said, I've never tapped Adelaide for punishment.


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## Croc-O-Dile

Hotbump said:


> i know you werent attacking me i never took it that way and im sorry if you felt i was attcking you i wasnt

Its all good, hon. it's hard to tell how people mean things over the internet sometimes. :flower:


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## Hotbump

yeah i mean i have tapped jovanni's hand as a last resort but im trying to change the strategy i think i did metioned it on one of my previous post but if nothing works then i guess its back to square one kwim?


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## Croc-O-Dile

Hotbump said:


> yeah i mean i have tapped jovanni's hand as a last resort but im trying to change the strategy i think i did metioned it on one of my previous post but if nothing works then i guess its back to square one kwim?

Exactly. Its not about a parent's patience, it's about the child's willingness to learn. Olivia is just as, if not more, head strong than I am. If she is set on doing something there literally is no distracting her. You can scream at the top of your lungs and she won't bat an eye. And if after I've tried everything else and I tap her on the hand and it works I won't feel badly about myself for doing it because I know I tried other things first.


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## AriannasMama

Croc-O-Dile said:


> Hotbump said:
> 
> 
> yeah i mean i have tapped jovanni's hand as a last resort but im trying to change the strategy i think i did metioned it on one of my previous post but if nothing works then i guess its back to square one kwim?
> 
> Exactly. Its not about a parent's patience, it's about the child's willingness to learn. Olivia is just as, if not more, head strong than I am.* If she is set on doing something there literally is no distracting her.* You can scream at the top of your lungs and she won't bat an eye. And if after I've tried everything else and I tap her on the hand and it works I won't feel badly about myself for doing it because I know I tried other things first.Click to expand...


Sorry, but did you kidnap my child? :haha: Sounds just like Arianna which is the very reason why simply rolling her back over doesn't work, lol, she either rolls right back over or arches her back and screeches at me lmao.


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