# I can't believe I'm over here. I'm so numb



## Peanutt

I figured I'd move over here. :cry:
My screening tested positive for Trisomy 18. 
My daughter has measured about a week behind since the first ultrasound at 7 weeks. She had good growth so my doctor pushed back the due date one week. Atl my 11 week scan (12 if you go by LMP) she measured 10+4. At 15 weeks, she measured 14 weeks (doctor also said 14+4 so I don't know which to go by, but he's not optimistic anymore). If I go by my LMP, she would be measuring a week and a half small. 
Then this ultrasound on Tuesday showed a heart arrhythmia.

Thursday I go for an amniocentesis. I'm so afraid for my baby girl. :cry:


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## Wriggley

:hugs: there are lots of stories on this forum where people have been told things are wrong and had an amnio to find out everything is perfect 

Thinking of you and your little girl x


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## Willow01

Peanut I have been following your story in the other thread. I am so sorry you are having to face this, I really hope Thursday comes quickly for you and it does bring good news. I am thinking if youx


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## Peanutt

Wriggley said:


> :hugs: there are lots of stories on this forum where people have been told things are wrong and had an amnio to find out everything is perfect
> 
> Thinking of you and your little girl x

Thank you.
I hope it's a false positive. I hope, I hope, I hope. [-o&lt;



Willow01 said:


> Peanut I have been following your story in the other thread. I am so sorry you are having to face this, I really hope Thursday comes quickly for you and it does bring good news. I am thinking if youx

Thank you.

I figure this section is more applicable for everything.

I sold my bike yesterday so whatever comes, at least we won't go into debt for it, assuming there aren't serious complications.
If she's poorly, then I can pay for the termination and move on (please don't judge. If she's T18, I couldn't bear to watch her suffer). If she's well, then we can pay for her delivery and shower her with birthday gifts.


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## Bunanie

Hi, I terminated my t13 bubba at 13weeks, it was picked up from nuchal scan and confirmed by cvs. 

I just wanna give you a massive cyber hug, I remember how tough it was, from getting the result to waiting to hear the diagnosis. 

Stay positive! X


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## Willow01

No judging here hun, to be honest I would do the same. It's such a difficult decision to make and I am really keeping my fingers crossed you don't have to go down that road. Tuesday is not to far away now. What time is your appointment? Please let us know how you get onx


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Sending love.It is a hard thing and I am so sorry you are going through this :cry:..Never any judging, ever :hugs::hugs::hugs:..Here always if you need a friend XOXO <3 <3


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## lizlemon

Keeping everything crossed for you - I lost my first to t13 after 2 yrs of trying and ivf. I now have a healthy 2.5yr and number 2 on the way (saw your last thread) hopefully you won't have to face t18 but if you do there are lots of us around xxx


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## twinmummy06

Thinking of you :hugs: it's an awful situation to be in.

Our second daughter came back 1:79 for downs syndrome and measured 1.5 weeks behind (100% on dates). We never made it to the amnio but found out afterwards it was triploidy. 
No judgement here as we probably would have done the same thing had she not passed before hand xx


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## Peanutt

Willow01 said:


> No judging here hun, to be honest I would do the same. It's such a difficult decision to make and I am really keeping my fingers crossed you don't have to go down that road. Tuesday is not to far away now. What time is your appointment? Please let us know how you get onx


My appointment got moved to Thursday. My insurance and the doctor I was scheduled with couldn't agree about whether or not the doctor was in network for me. It seemed to depend on who called to verify. So I switched to a doctor who is in network no matter who calls. It's a difference between the procedure costing me a few hundred bucks or a few thousand.

I read a lot on T18. I know there are stories out there of babies making it past a year but it's incredibly rare. And I can't bear to put her through such a poor quality of life or sit around and wait for a miscarriage. My husband and I talked about it and we are on the same page.

I sort of wonder if all babies go through a period of a heart arrhythmia. They're busy building all of the electrical pathways while their heart is running. It'd make sense that at some point, it'll cause a small hiccup until it's complete. And perhaps many aren't getting an ultrasound during that particular phase?

I do have a couple of bright spots in life that appeared within the last few days.

I think we've found a name for her. Abigail Ruth, Abbie for short. It's at the top of our list. It's not official, but it sure sounds right. She's due on my late grandmother's birthday so we wanted her middle name to be my grandmother's. I hope naming her won't make this harder if things don't go our way but she's important to me. I've seen her wiggling on ultrasound. She deserves a name.

If I hadn't already mentioned, someone finally came and bought my motorcycle. This means we can pay off some medical bills from when I had to go to the emergency room before getting pregnant. If our daughter has T18, we can pay for the termination. If she's healthy, excluding any extenuating circumstances, we can pay for the delivery all without going into debt.
We can also pay for repairs to the car since my husband wrecked it last week and not struggle to pay bills.
Also, DH is due for a promotion and a position opened up near the coast. I've always wanted to live near the ocean so I have my fingers crossed. 

I took up painting with watercolor as a way to try and control my anxiety and sadness about all of this. At times, it feels like I'm already grieving her loss which I feel guilty about because we don't have a solid answer. I know I shouldn't give up on her yet. Half the time I think she has T18. Then half the time I think she's okay. 

You ladies have been a Godsend to me. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers and any appendages you're crossing for my little girl.


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## wildflower79

Hi peanutt, I was following your other thread and just wanted to send you :hugs: We lost our daughter to t18 in August. It's such a heartbreaking and difficult situation to be in.

I think the name you've picked for her is beautiful. 

Thinking of you for thursday x


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## Hotbell312

You are very brave to be going through this. I hope everything works out


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## Willow01

Peanutt, Abbie is a beautiful name and such touching reasons behind the choice too.
I think having the feelings of grieving are probably completely normal, it's your body's way of trying to cope with such an emotional and stressful situation. In an understandable way it's easier to let yourself begin to feel sadness rather than live in the bubble of everything will be ok. I honestly pray that this is a mistake and everything is ok. You are all in my thoughts and I will be thinking of you on Thursday. Have they said how long you have to wait for the results of the amnio? Take care, reflect in your paintings to try to take your mind of this, I will be keeping tabs on this post so feel free to keep in touch with us, we are all right behind youxx


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## ClairAye

:hugs: Thinking of you, I truly hope things work out for you. Good luck for Thursday!


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## Peanutt

Woke up with a stomach bug. I hope I'm better tomorrow for the amnio.


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## amelia26

Thinking of you. X


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## brokenoven

Hey missy. I hope you're doing ok and hope the amino went ok. Just wanted to let you know you were in my thoughts xxxx I'm super worried about you. Let us know you're ok xxxx


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## Peanutt

Had the ultrasound and amnio.
Lots of birth defects showed up on the ultrasound. The doctor thinks the amnio will be positive for T18.

She couldn't find her stomach, bladder, brain and even couldn't find her face. She has a badly deformed leg. And she confirmed a heart arrhythmia.
We'll get FISH results by Tuesday which are pretty accurate. Then the formal results in 7-10 business days.

But it doesn't look good.


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## twinmummy06

Oh hun :hugs: I'm so sorry.


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## brokenoven

My heart sank. I feel so bad right now I can't stand it so your pain must be unbearable. There aren't any word. Please know we are all here for you. So heart breaking.


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## spunky84

I'm so sorry you're going through this :( I can't imagine how hard this is for you and your husband and having to be in a position to decide termination or waiting to see what happens. It's a heartbreaking decision that nobody should have to make :hugs:

Thinking of you, your husband, and your little one :hugs:


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## amelia26

So sorry Peanutt. I wish there was something I could say that would help but I know nothing would. 
X


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## Bunanie

I remember that feeling exactly, I couldn't stop crying during cvs and I kept thinking, why me, why us?

As hard as it was, we tried to stay positive. We are so lucky to have the technology to find out early and gave us the options.

It's been 3 months since D&C and I still don't dare to touch the ultrasound records to put it away.

Stay strong X


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## Peanutt

Thanks everyone.

I keep picking up the phone to call insurance and ask if they cover a D&E but I hang up because I start crying and can't force such a question past my lips.

Maybe I should wait a few days. No doctor would do it until the formal results are back anyway and nor would I.


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## spunky84

Can you have someone else call for you? You'd have to be there and speak with them to give verbal permission for them to talk to whoever you wanted to call, but I don't know if that'd be easier having someone else talk to your insurance and ask the questions that are understandably very difficult for you to ask.

I wish there was something I could say to offer comfort or advice, but I know that there's nothing that can be said that would help. :hugs:


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## xxmyheartxx

Im am so sorry, sending prayers to you all :hugs: xxx


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## Fit_Mama2Be

Oh peanutt I am so sorry. I'm in tears reading this. If you ever want to talk pls pm me anytime. Our last (and first) baby had severe fetal megacystis (enlarged bladder) and suspected Trisomy 13 - we didn't make it to the amnio and level III ultrasound to confirm as he died from the megacystis before our appointment. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through and I'm so terribly sorry that this is happening to you. It's so unfair.


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## lizlemon

Xxx


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## Willow01

Peanut I am so sorry it wasn't the news we were hoping for. My heart goes out to you. Take some time to let the news sink in before you do anything. Take care and let your family look after you, if you ever need anyone to talk to I am herexx


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## abic77

Peanutt - i am so so utterly sad to hear this news. As the others have said, i just wish there was something i could do or say to make this less painful for you but all i can do is have you in my thoughts which i have done since i first read your other thread.
Huge hugs at this awfully difficult time xxxxxxxx


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## sethsmummy

aww peanut i am so sorry. sending you love and hugs :hugs:


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## cherrished

Sending you loads of hugs so sorry hun xx


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## brokenoven

Thinking of you today <3


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Thinking of you and wishing gentleness on your heart & soul..
I am so sorry :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Peanutt

Still waiting on FISH results. It should be by tomorrow. My regular OB called to tell me the lab for the MaterniT21 test sent an amended result stating the baby is a boy.

I'm seriously rolling my eyes. It took them 4 weeks to get my results back when it should have been 2. Then they amend results. 

The amnio will say for sure.

I'm doing better these days. We got a puppy and he's keeping me from being so focused on the bad things and gives me something to laugh about.


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## Willow01

Peanutt I can't believe they got the sex wrong, I am so annoyed at them for you. But on a positive note I am glad the puppy is keeping you busy, gosh you will have your hands full with that! I am glad to see you are keeping your chin up at the most difficult of times, you are so strongx


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## Peanutt

Willow01 said:


> Peanutt I can't believe they got the sex wrong, I am so annoyed at them for you. But on a positive note I am glad the puppy is keeping you busy, gosh you will have your hands full with that! I am glad to see you are keeping your chin up at the most difficult of times, you are so strongx

Thank you. I don't feel strong. But what else is there to do besides get through it?


The genetics councilor called. The sample they got contained too much blood so I won't be getting FISH results. 
Unbelievable. I'm having no luck with labs. 
They say they'll be able to get formal results from it. Thank God for that. Just means I don't get any early results.


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## amelia26

Oh Peanutt - how frustrating for you. You must be so hacked off with the whole testing side of things. 
How long for formal results?


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## Willow01

Unbelievable hun it really is. One day at a time, small steps. Hopefully you don't have to wait too long for the formal resultsx


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## Peanutt

amelia26 said:


> Oh Peanutt - how frustrating for you. You must be so hacked off with the whole testing side of things.
> How long for formal results?


Supposed to be a week from this Thursday.


Started spotting a lot of brown this evening. It looks like what I get before starting my period. 
I hope I'm not starting to miscarry. I really wanted to get a D&E if the baby isn't going to make it. I don't want to go through labor like this. :cry:
I'm not even sure they would induce me since I don't have any diagnostic tests saying it's Trisomy. If I start bleeding, they may just send me home to deal with all of this with pain medication and wish me luck. I don't want to see the baby. :cry:


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## Fit_Mama2Be

Hugs Peanutt, I hope you are not miscarrying. Can you call the genetic counselor and/or hospital who is handling the testing to arrange for another scan to find out? 

Before our last baby could be formally diagnosed with Trisomy 13 we went to listen to his heartbeat with the doppler and couldn't find it for the first time ever. The next morning I called the genetic counselor who was arranging our testing and she had me brought in for an u/s that day - sadly in our case our baby had passed away.

It didn't matter at all to them that I didn't have a formal diagnosis yet - I was given the option of a d&c or being induced. I was not as far along as you but was still told I was too far along to miscarry at home, so I can't imagine them suggesting that to you.

So sorry you're going through this. :(


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## twinmummy06

Oh peanut I'm sorry it may not be happening to plan :( at your gestation I'd say they'll have you at hospital though?

For what it's worth, once we found out our baby had passed away we booked a d&c as I also couldn't bare to see her. I was so scared and just wanted everything over with ASAP.

Well it turns out that the cytotec used to help dilate me before the d&c worked very quickly and I had her natural in the shower first. And I tell you what I am so, so happy it ended up that way. I have pictures of my little angel to look back on, even if she wasn't perfect she was ours and beautiful to me <3 It definitely helped me to grieve our little girl.


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## lizlemon

I'm sorry your going through this - when I lost mine at 20w I went through labour, which was hard but I'm so glad I did as I got to hold and see my baby girl, took photos etc. my husband didn't want too but on the day he did too - both of us look upon it as one of the best moments of our life as we got to meet our child. Personally I think it's very good for closure xxxx
Ps u don't think they would just send you home as a second tri loss is different to first tri loss as you have the placenta that needs to be delivered fully too xxx


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## Peanutt

Just to update
I stopped spotting, thank God. 
I don't know how you strong ladies were able to see and hold your child. That would just rip my heart out.

I haven't been feeling well for the last week or so. I think my thyroid is probably too high still. I see my endocrinologist on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to it because I desperately want to feel better. I have no energy.

DH is starting to get frustrated with me because I don't want to go out with friends. I hate crying in front of people and I know I'd be on the verge the entire time. I know my friends would understand if I did break down. I just don't want to because once I start, I can't stop for at least an hour.
And sitting there putting on a stiff upper lip is miserable.


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## lizlemon

IF it comes to it you'll find strength, I never thought I would but I did. Men are funny about this sort of thing and emotions - well my dh is, I think crying is very good outlet and I didn't want to see people either so you are completely normal!
IF it comes to it and you don't see your lo, please as the midwives to photo the baby and take foot and hand prints so that if you every do want to see you have the option down the line xxxx


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## brokenoven

Oh I'm so sorry to hear you had more trouble with the lab. As if you needed anything else to worry about. I don't really know what else to say other than you are in my thoughts each and every day, you and your little peanut. I don't think they will let you miscarry. At this point you may have to deliver but I'm not certain. I just hope whatever happens it's not much more painful on your precious heart. Xxxx I'm so glad you got a puppy. What kind did you get?


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## Jessicahide

I am so sorry and shocked to hear everything you have been going through xxx sending my love xxx


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## Heather.1987

.


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## Peanutt

Woke up this morning and my liner was soaked with brown blood. Wiped and I had rust colored discharge with dark brown clots. I don't have any pain though.
I'm about a week and a half out from my amnio so I'm not sure if it could still be from that. It took them 20 minutes to get it because I have a fibroid in the way.

I left a message with the doctor who did the amnio. My regular OB is out of town. I'm not sure if I have an infection or what?


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## Septie

I am sorry to say, but I think it may well be possible that your body has recognized that your baby is sick and you are heading towards a miscarriage/stillbirth. Can you head to a pregnancy unit for an ultrasound to see if baby is even still alive?
I've been following your story, and I am so so sorry. And I must say, you've been superbly unfortunate with all your tests (My maternit21 took 5 days!). All this uncertainty and you are now so far along:cry: Much strength to you:hugs:


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## Peanutt

Septie said:


> I am sorry to say, but I think it may well be possible that your body has recognized that your baby is sick and you are heading towards a miscarriage/stillbirth. Can you head to a pregnancy unit for an ultrasound to see if baby is even still alive?
> I've been following your story, and I am so so sorry. And I must say, you've been superbly unfortunate with all your tests (My maternit21 took 5 days!). All this uncertainty and you are now so far along:cry: Much strength to you:hugs:


That's what I think too. 

The doctor who did the amnio says I'm too far out for it to be from the procedure and says that brown isn't anything to worry about. 
Yeah right.
My regular OB is out of town right now.

I'd have to go to the ER for an ultrasound which comes with a huge bill. 

Has anyone ever had a baby die in utero and get sick from it? I've had a general ill feeling, nothing specific. No fever. But I know my thyroid is out of whack too. I see my endocrinologist tomorrow.


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## lizlemon

Oh peanutt, it's just so unfair and I'm sorry you can just get a scan to stop the worry. If lo has passed they could cause you an infection, any sign of a fever, vomiting, extreme headache etc go in ASAP xxx


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## Peanutt

I spoke with my doctor's nurse (she called to check up on me-she's been so sweet through all of this). She said for me to pop in about 3 and they'll at least check for a heartbeat. 
So I guess if my doctor isn't there, one of his partners will look at me.


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## NerdyMama

Hey... I've been silently following. I hope your appointment gives you some answers. Best of luck to you at this extremely hard time. *hugs* you are in my thoughts hun.


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## Peanutt

Diagnosed with Threatened Miscarriage. 
They did another detailed ultrasound and the baby (who they say is a boy) looks like a classic Trisomy 18 baby. 
They still can't find a stomach or bladder. Still has an arrhythmia. Legs are crossed due to deformities. Measuring two weeks behind at this point. Has at least one clubbed foot. And on and on. All classic signs of Trisomy 18.
The doctor thinks my body has recognized something is very wrong with the baby and a miscarriage is imminent. He said this could go on for weeks or it could be this week. 
He said a D&E would be easier on both of us (me and the baby) rather than let it happen naturally or get induced. He's not pushing us either way, just giving the facts. Of course we have to wait for the results from the amnio which is due in 2 days before anything besides a natural miscarriage can happen.
As of today, he's still alive. But basically, the end for this little one is near. :cry:


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## Bunanie

Oh peanutt, I'm so so sorry to hear that. I took the option of D&C when cvs came back positive for T13. Baby was still alive (it sounds horrible :cry:) they told me t13 bubs don't usually make it to full term. I didn't want to go thru any further pain, mentally and physically, just wanted to close the chapter with D&C

:hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Love4you

Oh Peanutt, I just read your whole story. This is all so unfair. I am so very sorry. 
My prayers are with you and your sweet baby.


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## NerdyMama

I'm so sorry :(


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## Peanutt

Bunanie said:


> I didn't want to go thru any further pain, mentally and physically, just wanted to close the chapter with D&C
> 
> :hugs::hugs::hugs:


I'm at the same place. I just want to close the chapter. But I have two more long days to wait for test results.

Sad that it sort of brightened my day when my doctor said "And you know, maybe get the D&E done on Friday."
I so badly want to wake up from this nightmare. I'm so tired.


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## Tink1o5

Peanutt- I just read through every page. I have no experience with this but I want to say you are so strong. You have done everything you possibly could for your lo. I know it's easier said than done but try to keep your head up. I will definitely keep you in my thoughts. :hugs:


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## Bunanie

Peanutt said:


> I'm at the same place. I just want to close the chapter. But I have two more long days to wait for test results.
> 
> Sad that it sort of brightened my day when my doctor said "And you know, maybe get the D&E done on Friday."
> I so badly want to wake up from this nightmare. I'm so tired.

I know... The whole thing was like a nightmare. I was looking forward to D&C too...

Once it's over, we are starting fresh again. Good luck, hope you will get your results soon. 

X


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## Shezza84uk

I'm so sorry Hun I have been silently following. You are so courageous sending you thoughts and prayers as you continue this journey to closure praying for you and your little one xx


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## Peanutt

It's official. Full Trisomy 18. At least it's the random type and not one where me or DH could be carriers.

I have a follow up appointment this afternoon so we'll talk about the D&E.
So far, the spotting has slowed down. Hopefully things will hold out. Looks like my D&E will have to be at a hospital. There's a clinic that does second trimester terminations but they're so booked they're not even scheduling appointments right now. I might be over the legal limit by the time they can get me in.
My insurance said they considered a D&E for T18 to be a medical abortion so it would be covered. So my out of pocket cost would be 20%.

I've been expecting this news so I don't understand why I've been crying on and off all day today.


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## lizlemon

Oh honey! Your crying because this is your baby, T18 or not, they are part of you and always will be. And you must let yourself grieve, talk to people about it, don't put a brace face on as it is a loss. My dh and I fell apart but you pick yourself up and eventually you realise you can go on. You'll also grieve for what should have been and the life you has imagined. But given time you'll have your rainbow like I did and they will help to heal your heart xxx


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## Peanutt

My D&E is scheduled for Thursday. It's so heart breaking to schedule the death of your child.


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## lisa1980

Oh my goodness, I'm so, so sorry :hugs::hugs:


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## twinmummy06

Huge hugs peanutt.


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## Peanutt

Thank you all.

The amnio confirmed the baby is a boy and we're calling him Nathan. I just feel better if he was named. He has certainly tried his hardest to get past his Trisomy 18 but unfortunately, it's a battle he can't win. And I can't bear to make him suffer any more than he needs to. On ultrasound, he's curled up tight like his tummy hurts.

My mother up in heaven will take care of him when he gets his wings. She always wanted grandbabies. She'll have Nathan soon and I take some comfort from that. Hopefully we'll get our own bundle of joy in the near future. But we'll mourn for Nathan first.

Nathan,
I'm so sorry baby. I wish I could hold you and kiss away all of your ailments and make you better. Mommy loves you so much. I hope my decision is the right one that will cause you the least amount of suffering. Your grandma will be there for you when it's time and she'll love playing with you. My precious, sweet boy. We'll see each other again one day. I love you, baby. I love you.


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## Bunanie

Your last post is so beautiful, made me cry. My original due date is getting nearer and that's exactly what i want to say to my little boy. 

I'm so sorry...


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## vermeil

*gentle hugs* I had been following your story too, hoping... there are no words... Thinking of you and beautiful Nathan.


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## amelia26

I'm so sorry Peanutt. I can't imagine the pain you are going through. Thinking of you and Nathan, and the rest of your family. And your mother, who will be with her grandson soon.

I'm so very sad for you.


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## Willow01

So sorry Peanutt my heart honestly is breaking for you. Your words for Nathan are beautiful and you are right, your mum is waiting with open arms for her precious grandson. She will keep him safe until you all meet againx


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## lizlemon

Xxxxx


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## Hopeful Cat

I'm so sorry xxx thinking of you


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## OrkneyGirl

I've been following silently and my heart is breaking for you and all your family! This is bringing me to floods of tears and I can't even begin to imagine how you feel or what's going on in your head. Just know there are ladies here all with you in spirit and your in our thoughts. Massive hugs to you and all of yours at this sad time.


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## Yo_Yo

So sorry to read what your going through :-( 

X


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## Tink1o5

Peanut- I am so sorry. It must feel like a nightmare has been confirmed, but at the same time as a blessing to finally have a 100% answer. Your letter to Nathan was beautiful and I just know he has heard every word of it. You will be in my thoughts Hun :hugs:


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## sethsmummy

<3 <3 <3 <3


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## Wriggley

Thinking of you and Nathan :hugs: I'm so sorry Hun


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## Peanutt

Today we sign consent forms for the D&E. Where we live requires 72 hours between signing the forms and the procedures so that we can "think about it". As if I haven't thought about it for the past month.
I get that they want people who are ending their pregnancies because they're unwanted to reconsider. But those of us in these types of circumstances have to go that much longer in agony.

Anyway. You ladies are a Godsend.


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## sethsmummy

They should have contingencies in place for ladies in your situation Hun. It's not fair to make you agonise even longer :hugs:


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## ClairAye

:hugs: I am so sorry for what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family.


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## Peanutt

My doctor is so kind.
The law says the doctor has to make you listen to the heartbeat, watch the baby move, look at pictures of babies at the point in pregnancy where I am, etc before I can consent to the D&E. He said the laws are written with normal pregnancies in mind and don't consider ill fated pregnancies. Under the circumstances, he doesn't make patients do such a thing. He did have to take a few measurements and see where the placenta was. Nathan gave a few wiggles during that. :cry: It's so sad because he's trying to hard to overcome this. But we know he won't be able to and will suffer.

The doctor asked if we wanted to take Nathan's remains to have him buried or if we wanted the hospital to cremate him. 
He had already had two other doctors sign of on my case which is also necessary by law so I don't have to fret about that. And the hospital where I'm having it done has shown compassion and doesn't require that I go before a committee since Nathan has been diagnosed with T18.

So Wednesday afternoon, I get the laminaria stick(s) put in. He says is uncomfortable but will give me something for pain. Then I'm scheduled for the D&E the next morning. Then perhaps the healing can begin.


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## NerdyMama

I'm at least glad to hear that your team is trying the best they can to make this as (for lack of better word) easy as possible. I hope that it goes smoothly, you are making a very brave choice and doing what's best for you and for baby Nathan. :hugs:


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## lizlemon

Xxxx sending you love and strength xxxx


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## Twag

I am so so sorry for what you are having to go through I cannot imagine the kind of pain you are experiencing right now :cry:

Sending you lots of strength :hugs:


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## Willow01

I'm sending you massive hugs, I am thinking of you hunxx


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## Peanutt

3 lamanaria sticks. 
If anyone has had an HSG (test to check that your tubes are open), it hurts like that for every stick. 
In other words, it sucks.


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## Tink1o5

I still cannot even imagine how you are feeling Hun. I do hope you can start to heal soon now that the process has been started. Maybe then you will be able to start to find some peace in knowing Nathan is no longer suffering. We are all here fore you. Sending you tons of :hug:


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## amelia26

Thinking of you. 
X


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## Willow01

Thinking of youx


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## Peanutt

About 2am, my water broke. The doctor admitted me to the hospital. Since the laminaria sticks had been in for 12 hours, they needed to come out because now it could be an infection risk. 
So, I thought he put in three but it was four. And now I just wait until 11:30 for the D&E


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## lisa1980

Thinking of you :hugs:


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## Peanutt

So, then I started bleeding badly and they bumped someone so I could have the surgery earlier. 
the surgery went well. I woke up bawling so they went and got my hubby early. I was able to settle down and now I'm doing okay. They plan to release me this evening as long as I'm not bleeding too much. 
Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.


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## Shezza84uk

I'm sorry wishing you a speedy recovery and emotional healing xx


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## Peanutt

Home now.
Thank you all for your support. 
Moving over to second tri loss now.


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## Tink1o5

You have done an amazing job handling this peanutt! You will remain in my thoughts for a quick recovery and emotional/spiritual healing. Major :hugs:


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## Blu10

Look after yourself peanut xx


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## gumb69

Thinking of you at this horrific time x


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## ClairAye

Take care of yourself, I wish you all the best for the future :hugs:


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## OrkneyGirl

Bless you take time to grieve your loss (hugs)


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## dreamofabump

I just read your thead. I can not imagine the pain you are feeling but my thoughts are with you and your family. I hope your healing can begin x


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