# How do u punish a 16 year old???



## babybaillie

Any ideas? Im at my wits end


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## kerry2009

Ground them, stop their money, kick them out lol. Suppose it depends on what you have already tried and what they have done :)


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## babybaillie

can u ground a 16 year old tho?


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## Dinoslass

Yes, you can. Well, I can!! I have three teenagers and if they misbehave they will be punished. Either by grounding them, taking away priviledges or making them do something they do not like. All though that last one is only when they have realised they have been wrong and want to try and make up, as it won't work if they are in their contra-mood. But I do think you can ground a 16 year old. They are not adults yet (sorry all you girls who are on here and are mummies already!!!) and as long as they live with us they need to live by our rules. I have a house full and it would be complete chaos without rules!!


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## siobhan MS

Hey :)

i am a teenager, grounding wont make much difference.....my mum tried it all with me-grounding me, taking my mobile, not giving me pocket money....banning me from seeing certain 'friends' that were getting me into trouble. Nothing works, i realise now how i used to behave was wrong but when your going through that stage (that EVERY teen goes through) you wont listen to no one

you might find that punishment may make the behaviour worse


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## KA92

siobhan MS said:


> Hey :)
> 
> i am a teenager, grounding wont make much difference.....my mum tried it all with me-grounding me, taking my mobile, not giving me pocket money....banning me from seeing certain 'friends' that were getting me into trouble. Nothing works, i realise now how i used to behave was wrong but when your going through that stage (that EVERY teen goes through) you wont listen to no one
> 
> you might find that punishment may make the behaviour worse

i second that! HOWEVER, my mum came up with a enw tatic....talking to me, telling me how disapointed she was, made me feel guilty as hell, thats the best sort of punishment


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## marley2580

I don't think you can. They're a grown up so you could start treating them like one and asking for rent etc?


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## siobhan MS

KA92 said:


> siobhan MS said:
> 
> 
> Hey :)
> 
> i am a teenager, grounding wont make much difference.....my mum tried it all with me-grounding me, taking my mobile, not giving me pocket money....banning me from seeing certain 'friends' that were getting me into trouble. Nothing works, i realise now how i used to behave was wrong but when your going through that stage (that EVERY teen goes through) you wont listen to no one
> 
> you might find that punishment may make the behaviour worse
> 
> i second that! HOWEVER, my mum came up with a enw tatic....talking to me, telling me how disapointed she was, made me feel guilty as hell, thats the best sort of punishmentClick to expand...

i totally agree!......that would be much better than shouting and punishing them!! lol.......i know i'm only 18 just now but i have grown up a lot since i moved out when i was 16....one of the reasons i did move out was my mum!


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## siobhan MS

marley2580 said:


> I don't think you can. They're a grown up so you could start treating them like one and asking for rent etc?

Thats a good idea too....if they want to be treated like an adult then they should start acting like one-problem will be getting dig money etc if they dont work-cant ask for money that doesnt exsit :)


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## babybaillie

marley2580 said:


> I don't think you can. They're a grown up so you could start treating them like one and asking for rent etc?

Cant ask for rent when they have no source of income. Technically a grown up, shame they dont behave like it.


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## marley2580

What are they doing? still at school? signing on? What about telling them to get a saturday job? they must have some source of income, even if it's from you, tell them you'll be deducting room and board from what they get. These are just some thoughts, I don't have teenagers so I'm no expert


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## babybaillie

still at school. gets money as and when he needs it. so stopping money isnt going to help. dont think suggesting a saturday job is really a solution. thanks anyway


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## Christine1993

Im sixteen and nothing really makes much of a difference IMO. I don't actually remember the last time I was 'grounded' either lol. Try speaking to them other than that i dont know what you could do x


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## Dinoslass

I agree that talking is the first thing. And I must say my children are not that far gone that nothing works. They accept that doing wrong gets them a punishment. I think if someone is that far gone that nothing works they are better off moving out. There needs to be a reasonable amount of talking in your family I suppose!!!


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## babybaillie

Thats the problem tho, the bad behaviour is in school, not at home. At home ive never had any problem. As for asking him to move out, thats never an option. Thats when a 16 year olds problems would begin if he was homeless


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## sing&lt;3

Hmm, I can see why it's difficult..
I'm 16 and have always behaved really well in school, and at home apart from the occasional tiff... But if I do something wrong my parents just tend to shout at me and talk to me about it rather than grounding me or anything, and I hate being shouted at enough to not do it again, but I guess you'll have tried that...

Have you tried sitting him down and having a proper, formal chat about his behaviour? Without distractions or anything.. I think that if teenagers get talked to as if they're adults it often helps them see the point - maybe you could ask him what he thinks would make him behave better in school? But obviously not in a patronising way.. Have you tried just being totally honest and calm and explaining the situation? : like school is really important in order to do well in the world of work, and that he'll regret it later if he doesn't do as well as he could...

Good luck, sorry I don't have more suggestions :hugs: xx


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## morri

well my mother certainly was able to ground me. 
but mostly through talk and not through any 'last measures' kidn of things.


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## morri

KA92 said:


> siobhan MS said:
> 
> 
> Hey :)
> 
> i am a teenager, grounding wont make much difference.....my mum tried it all with me-grounding me, taking my mobile, not giving me pocket money....banning me from seeing certain 'friends' that were getting me into trouble. Nothing works, i realise now how i used to behave was wrong but when your going through that stage (that EVERY teen goes through) you wont listen to no one
> 
> you might find that punishment may make the behaviour worse
> 
> i second that! HOWEVER, my mum came up with a enw tatic....talking to me, telling me how disapointed she was, made me feel guilty as hell, thats the best sort of punishmentClick to expand...

so yea this is it mostly. and see that there are no distractions like radio or so on.


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## myasmumma

take away there privilages, like internet access and no money and yes you can ground a 16 yr old i know i was lol, also try talking it out and go the "adult" way about things first if that dont work treat them like the child they are acting lol


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## nightkd

Talk to them. Discuss what sort of punishment they think would work - it might sound dumb, but find something you agree on - if they agree to it then it leaves less resentment and you've come to a compromise "You've done this wrong, so what can we agree for you to do to repay that wrong?" kinda thing...

Kicking them out will not work; my mum kicked me out repeatedly and that's a big reason I decided to move to the US - I was living somewhere where I couldn't guarantee I had a home from week to week - not the best environment to be living in and it made me depressed. Mind you, my mum was a bit weird...she kicked me out for dumb reasons; flipped at weird little things....scary sometimes.

x


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## babybaillie

Kicking him out would NEVER be an option. I cant believe sum ppl even suggest that. Hes my son, and as his mother its my duty to put a roof over his head and protect him whereever possible. at 16 hes not got a clue about looking after himself. 

Hes been grounded and has down quite a bit of housework. so hopefully thats that for now.


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## sleepinbeauty

ban them from gaming, computers...anything electronic like that.

...or do you have a bookworm?

I frustrated the HELL out of my parents. No matter what, I could amuse myself from teh day I was born! hahaha


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## Tegans Mama

sleepinbeauty said:


> ban them from gaming, computers...anything electronic like that.
> 
> *...or do you have a bookworm?*
> 
> I frustrated the HELL out of my parents. No matter what, I could amuse myself from teh day I was born! hahaha

That was my Mums problem with me, she would ground me (so what I was happier inside) tell me no TV (so what TV is boring) make me do the housework (so what I'm human I can clean) but she could never take away EVERY book I had. When she said 'go to your room' I would go to my room and happily read away for hours undisturbed which was actually a luxury :lol:

Honestly I have no idea what to tell you because all 16 year olds are different - whilst some are still children, others are most definitely adults.


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## lozzy21

Depending on there behaviour kicking them out i see is an option. Yes he is your son and you have a responsability to put a roof over his head as a child but at 16 he could legaly live on his own and needs to take the consiquences (sp?) of his actions like the adult he is supposed to me. 
If the only money they get is from you, if he had been behaving badly you can take it way.

My mam took just used to stop the power to the plugs in my brothers room via the fuse box. He still had light but could not go on his games console or his computer.

You need to find the thing that gets to him. As some of the others have said i dident mind being grounded and i love reading and dident go out much anyway but she used to take away my fone privalages.


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## sleepinbeauty

Waitwaitwait... if you don't mind my asking, what is the problem exactly? (Not me being nosy... just so we can help better)


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## babybaillie

sleepinbeauty said:


> Waitwaitwait... if you don't mind my asking, what is the problem exactly? (Not me being nosy... just so we can help better)

Since he started back at skool in aug, hes been late 14 times! he leaves the house in plenty of time, but never gets there in time. This week he was excluded from skool for throwing wet toilet paper about with his friends in the toilets. which i wouldnt say is a big thing to be excluded from skool for. and i will discuss that with the teacher on monday when hes back. but i just feel hes just started 5th year and should be gettin his head down n gettin on with skool or if he doesnt wnat to stay on leave. he has never been in trouble at skool b4 so this was totaly out of character for him. but recently he has been caught telling lies, and money went missing from my purse just b4 we went on holiday too, which he denied......


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## thompsonic

I'd get creative with his punishments... if he's making trouble in school, take him out for a day, and make him work work work at home- it'll make him grateful to go back- and scared to misbehave incase you make him work again!

I am also 16 and agree with everyone else my age... anything strict will just make him hate you. The only real punishment is would be for him to realise the consequences of his actions... either by explaining how it makes you feel (and throw in a few tears) or explain, very bluntly, how his behaviour will affect his future, job, money wise etc. But DON'T PATRONISE. All that will do is make him do is want to rebel against you. 

Or maybe that last bit is just me... I'm stubborn :blush:


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## morri

babybaillie said:


> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> Waitwaitwait... if you don't mind my asking, what is the problem exactly? (Not me being nosy... just so we can help better)
> 
> Since he started back at skool in aug, hes been late 14 times! he leaves the house in plenty of time, but never gets there in time. This week he was excluded from skool for throwing wet toilet paper about with his friends in the toilets. which i wouldnt say is a big thing to be excluded from skool for. and i will discuss that with the teacher on monday when hes back. but i just feel hes just started 5th year and should be gettin his head down n gettin on with skool or if he doesnt wnat to stay on leave. he has never been in trouble at skool b4 so this was totaly out of character for him. but recently he has been caught telling lies, and money went missing from my purse just b4 we went on holiday too, which he denied......Click to expand...

Don't worrry about being late . My brother lived 5 mins from his school and still managed to come late xD

hed even given an award for this at the graduation xD.
other I think thats childish but not really worth excluding them I think must be a harsh school wehre hes at.


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## babybaillie

morri said:


> babybaillie said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> Waitwaitwait... if you don't mind my asking, what is the problem exactly? (Not me being nosy... just so we can help better)
> 
> Since he started back at skool in aug, hes been late 14 times! he leaves the house in plenty of time, but never gets there in time. This week he was excluded from skool for throwing wet toilet paper about with his friends in the toilets. which i wouldnt say is a big thing to be excluded from skool for. and i will discuss that with the teacher on monday when hes back. but i just feel hes just started 5th year and should be gettin his head down n gettin on with skool or if he doesnt wnat to stay on leave. he has never been in trouble at skool b4 so this was totaly out of character for him. but recently he has been caught telling lies, and money went missing from my purse just b4 we went on holiday too, which he denied......Click to expand...
> 
> Don't worrry about being late . My brother lived 5 mins from his school and still managed to come late xD
> 
> hed even given an award for this at the graduation xD.
> other I think thats childish but not really worth excluding them I think must be a harsh school wehre hes at.Click to expand...


Have to worry about his lateness. His skool is very strict and sends letter texts and demands if ur late more than 3 times. so it out of hand, therefore im getting it in the neck!!


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## Louisaxx

Instead of taking stuff away, why not offer him things if his behaviour improves, eg if he is is on time for a term, put some money away for driving lessons or get him a computer game or a magazine subscription etc. I'm a teacher and find that providing an incentive always works better than threatening with punishments etc, just something new for you to try! Bribery and corruption all the way... ha ha!!! Good luck, it must be tough!!


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## fluffyblue

Hi I have a 16 year old son who ive had nothing but small problems with for at least a year, he is growing up and changing and pushing me to the limit with his attitude. Ive never had an ounce of trouble outside ie, he doesnt go out, doesnt hang on street corners comes in when he is meant to, he just has this awful attitude. 

He had a bad last year at school and we thought he would be making a fresh start at a new college however he wanted to go the school sixth form. We tried to persuade him however he knew best so we supported him. 2 months later he quit "before he was pushed". So its just been a snowball since then. 

Ive got to the stage where I feel resentful towards him and am treating him with the same contempt he gives me which is so juvenile but I cant help it, I ignore him which he hates but it makes me feel better.

I have certain rules, ie, no pc or xbox after 10pm on weeknights, 10.30pm on weekends. He does in fairness respect this. IF he goes out he has to be in at 11.30pm any day even weekends and again he does respect this. Sounds like I have it idyllic doesnt it !! 

But the attitude is the biggest relationship breaker in our family. 

Now Ben is working, (he got an apprenticeship in the NHS) we now have the big argument about paying board, he doesnt think he should, and we do ! So again the relationship breaks down, its a constant cycle. 

So what do I do, ignore him so its a constant rollercoaster in our house. I think you can ground a 16 year old, whilst they live under my roof they abide by my rules and if thats grounded so be it. If he dont like it the doors there for him to go through and as I say to him dont come back !

Whether 16 or 26 they should respect your rules whilst under your roof and whatever punishments or treatment you give out.

I just have some issues with myself and my actions with my boy who overall is a damn good kid xx


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## fluffyblue

babybaillie said:


> sleepinbeauty said:
> 
> 
> Waitwaitwait... if you don't mind my asking, what is the problem exactly? (Not me being nosy... just so we can help better)
> 
> Since he started back at skool in aug, hes been late 14 times! he leaves the house in plenty of time, but never gets there in time. This week he was excluded from skool for throwing wet toilet paper about with his friends in the toilets. which i wouldnt say is a big thing to be excluded from skool for. and i will discuss that with the teacher on monday when hes back. but i just feel hes just started 5th year and should be gettin his head down n gettin on with skool or if he doesnt wnat to stay on leave. he has never been in trouble at skool b4 so this was totaly out of character for him. but recently he has been caught telling lies, and money went missing from my purse just b4 we went on holiday too, which he denied......Click to expand...

Just a light joke, Ben was late one year constantly and we got all sorts of letters etc. Like yours he left the house early and was always on school grounds early but his excuse was "well mom my classroom is at the other end of the school and becuase my name begins with A (allen) im always the first to be called and the teacher always calls it early. Im always there by the time they get to C" 

I mean c'mon !!


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## Joyzerelly

babybaillie said:


> marley2580 said:
> 
> 
> I don't think you can. They're a grown up so you could start treating them like one and asking for rent etc?
> 
> Cant ask for rent when they have no source of income. Technically a grown up, shame they dont behave like it.Click to expand...

Can you tell them that if they want to be treated like an adult they have to start acting like it, by paying rent, but since they don't have any money you'll accept jobs around the house instead, helping with the little ones etc?


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## morri

Does he have any other schools around which arent that strict xD? Sounds like the 1960s that school.(just without the cane I hope)


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## babybaillie

morri said:


> Does he have any other schools around which arent that strict xD? Sounds like the 1960s that school.(just without the cane I hope)

No that was why we got him into that skool, as it has such a good reputation and great results. we actually moved to the area for skools.


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## ChloeRobinson

All 16 year old's hate to iron. Do this why dad is in for extra support and make him do it. It's a lot easier to punish people when dad is in because they know it normally ends up worse if dad is there. Also it is very easy to limit him to the bare essentials, no tv - phones etc... 

Then again you could go a different root, you could speak to him as a grown up and say something like this. " You know what, mess around for another 2 years and as soon as you hit 18 your out, simple as that. But, if you behave like a normal person and show respect for others, then I don't care when you move out."

Just remember you have the power, the moment you forget that is when all hell breaks loose.


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## rwhite

I remember my mum taking my keys off me really pushed my buttons, I hated that...also limiting their access to the internet should get some kind of a reaction, maybe? Both things I didn't like being punished with (that this wasn't an awfully long time ago, only 4 years!!) x


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## hypnorm

If this is out of character for him previously then something must have happened, to make him like this.
Have you sat and talked to him rather than trying to punish him, ask him why he is being late.
Could he be getting bullied? is he bored? is he strugglng? wrong crowd at schoool, what about asking his friends.

Other option if he insists on being late tell him that you will start treating him like a child and drive him to the school door!


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## jackiea85

If he is always late for school have you considered telling him that you are going to walk him into class? Maybe it might embarrass him into behaving? x


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## Amanda

We had a similar thing with Kayleigh a couple of months ago. We wanted her to go to college for A levels, but she didn't get the GCSE grades needed (although we found out after that they WOULD have took her!), so she stayed on at 6th form for retakes. She was not turning up, and if she did, she was late, or would walk out. I was at my wits end! She borrowed money off me while waiting for her EMA to come through, then we found out she hadn't done a full week, so wasn't entitleed to any money!!!

We sat down and had a good talk. Turns out she hated the school and felt like she was still being treated like a child. So I gave her the choice. I told her that if she left school we would lose £200 a month in tax credits and child benefit, so if she could get a job that could pay me that amount in board, then that would be ok. Who said there aren't jobs out there? That was on the Tuesday night, she started work packing in a factory for £4 an hour on the Thursday morning!

That was the beginning of November and she's been a changed person since. She's still a nightmare to get up in the morning :growlmad:, but the rest of the time she's great.

I have a real problem with the state of her bedroom, and have for years - she's soooo untidy! Since starting work, it's nearly always done. And if it's not, she'll volunteer the information that she's staying in that night to do her room!

It's now up to Kayleigh what she wants to do - she can either go to college for her A levels next September, or she can stay at work. I've said its up to her and I'll support her in what she wants to do.

Hope you get it sorted soon hun, I know just how hard it is with a teenager and LOs. This is just the tip of the iceberg with Kayleigh - if I went into details, it'd curl your hair!!!!! :rofl:


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## skippy

Hmmm, not sure. I'm 16 and to be honest, there aren't a lot of ways you can punish a 16 year old. Not even taking away christmas presents, my mum threatened this and when she realised I didn't care she gave up on it. I wouldn't suggest the whole "taking things away" because thats just going to make them angry and feel like they're being treated like a child, maybe a lecture or something? Obviously they aren't going to listen but they'll do anything to shut you up:haha:


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## Shireena__x

try the im sidisapointed, your upsetting me, route

if not try the shouting

''you want to be an adult well then start fucking acting like one! your 16 go out get a job i want 10pound rent a week! cant get a job? i waant some of your ema then''

the last one worked for me. i licked my moms ass until i moved out the fort of paying rent killed me. she sat me down showed me all her in/expenditure and told me she wanted me to pay 10% about 15 quid a week. now on 30pound ema i couldt take that risk of her taking it lol


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## nievesmama

I have all this to come, my daughter is nearly 13 and all my punishments are starting to become less effective.
Ive grounded her, banned her from the pc, stopped her having her mobile unless shes at school and she has the whole `i dont care` attitude.
Very frustrating!!x


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## Maddiee

babybaillie said:


> Any ideas? Im at my wits end

people say you can ground teenagers. but honestly, think about it...you ground them, they'll only want to break the rules even more. i'm 16 and my mothers punishment was letting me do whatever i want. i.e. going to whoevers party i wanted etc. which then i wound up pregnant. :)


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## annawrigley

i was very well behaved, punctual etc in school up until about 14 when i stopped going in because i was being bullied. there may be more to it than meets the eye. if you hate school enough you'll do anything to avoid it. my mum took away all my priviliges - money, phone, keys, internet, grounded me, drove me right inside the school every morning (i did do worse things than not going into school i'll admit, but those are the punishments she gave) and i have to say if you are determined enough to break the rules you will do.
money - borrowed off friends until i could pay it back.
phone - i saw this one coming so wrote down numbers of all my friends on a piece of paper and used payphones or rang them off the house phone the night before to make arrangements for the next day (ie when we were meant to be in school)
keys - bribed my brother to lend me his for the day and went and got another one cut
internet - ...yeah that one annoyed me. lol
grounding - sneak out when she was in bed (out a window if she'd locked the front door), or just not come home after school, bring spare clothes in my bag etc, go out, stay at a friends.
driving me to school - i'd literally just walk straight out again when she'd drove off and get on a bus into town.
its ridiculous the lengths id go to to avoid every punishment she threw at me but if you hate school that much youll do it!
im 17 now and have matured alot, getting my life back on track (yes im pregnant but im going back to college next year etc, plus i dont think getting pregnant ruins your life :))
im basically in a much better place now to do it myself because nagging and punishing me didnt work.
everyone is different tho, i think taking his money & 'non-essentials' away (clothes, etc) is a good idea though, money is essential as a 16 year old :p and if he cant borrow off friends hes screwed x


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## pinkmummy

Shireena__x said:


> try the im sidisapointed, your upsetting me, route
> 
> if not try the shouting
> 
> ''you want to be an adult well then start fucking acting like one! your 16 go out get a job i want 10pound rent a week! cant get a job? i waant some of your ema then''
> 
> the last one worked for me. i licked my moms ass until i moved out the fort of paying rent killed me. she sat me down showed me all her in/expenditure and told me she wanted me to pay 10% about 15 quid a week. now on 30pound ema i couldt take that risk of her taking it lol

I like this one :rofl:

Not much advice really as I never really had many problems at 16. In fact at 16 I was more grown up than some 20 year olds I knew.

I went to college full time. Leaving the house for the bus at 8am getting back in at 5.20pm getting changed and going for the 5.45 bus to work and working from 6-9.30/10pm every night including weekends!

I used to pay £20 board a week even though I was never in the house but I used to get my EMA and about £60 a week on top of that, so that was never a problem for me. I agree with the getting him to get a job as I think it will help him grow up a bit.

As for grounding, my mum tried to ground me at 16 years old and stop me from seeing my current OH so I walked out and left and never went back :lol: xx


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## WannaB

We have the luxury of living on a farm, my 15 yo daughter doesnt go anywhere unless I take her, everything is way too far! :rofl: I think if they want to be treated like an adult then they need to behave like one and until they choose to do so they get punished like a 2yo, her toys get taken away, there is no mobile phone, no computer or internet and the ipod is removed as well, she can huff and puff all she wants but comes round soon enough! I like the suggestion of walking him into school, he will only put up with that for so long, I would throw in a kiss on the cheek too and a nice hug from mummy in front of his mates, Im sure he would make sure to be punctual in the future to save face!:rofl: I think the important thing when dealing with them is to try and keep some sense of humour and remember what is was like when you were a teen under your parents roof, but I agree that they should obey any reasonable rules you have while they are still living with you. Good luck hun, at least we know there is light at the end of the tunnel and most of them eventually grow out of it in a couple of years, then we get out angels back!:hugs:


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