# Missing my angel baby



## dnlfinker

Baby Finker, from Brooklyn NY, sadly passed away Friday July 29 2011.

Our story: 

I was 12 weeks pregnant when I went for my NT scan. Everything was fine at that point; the pregnancy was going as planned. During the scan the sonographer remained very calm as she was trying to get the measurement. She then asked me to give her a minute and walked out of the room. For some reason it did not alarm me, I waited till she brought the doctor in. The doctor came in, took a look at the sonogram and told me that he has to send me to the Diagnostic center to further take a look. He tried not to give me a lot of details and not to upset me. The next day, when I went, we found out that the baby had Radial Dysplasia (she was missing a bone) in the forearm and possible 2 of the fingers were missing as well. Everything just went downhill after that. Our life was about to change for good and what was intended to be a happy pregnancy turned to be a sad tragedy. It was really too early at that point to know the severity of the condition, so we had to wait couple of weeks to find out more. In the mean time, we were going from doctor to doctor for second opinions, testing, and genetic counseling. We were fighting for her life, going 150% percent to make sure that our little girl will not have to suffer through life. (6 weeks we have fought to do the best that we can for her) At the time of the original findings and second opinions, no official diagnoses were given. We were told about the hand but nobody has discussed the risk/possibility of our daughter to have other issues associated with the hand abnormality. At first we thought it was just a hand and with surgery she would be able to have close to normal life but as time passed and after continues research, we found out about VECTERL ASSOCIATION. It is a non-random association of birth defects. There was a high percentage that our little girl would have heart, kidney, Vertebral, Anal, Tracheoesophageal fistula
And Esophageal defects. Nobody spend the time to explain this to us , it was not even brought during the numerous sonograms, tests and etc.At the time of the final scan during the 17th week of pregnancy , the doctor has took a final look as now the hand was more visible and the severity was detectable , the Doctor broke our hearts and let us know that the baby had Type 4 (the worst case) radial Dysplasia with possibility of the VECTERL Association and that based on her experience , this child was going to suffer in life. We were forced to make the most life changing, dreadful decision, and let the baby go up to heaven so that she can rest at peace. Our little angel, who was not given a chance in life, has changed our life forever. Its been two weeks, but there has not been a moment that I dont think about her. I feel so guilty for having to let go .Even though deep in my heart, I know that we did it in the best interest of our little girl, its a decision that I will regret forever! 

MISSING HER DEARLY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! WE LOVE OUR LITTLE ANGEL WHO WAS NOT GIVEN A CHANCE IN LIFE.

We know you are in Heaven now, watching and waiting for us to join. For whatever reason, you were taken away. We will never know that reason. It is comforting to know that you are in such a warm, beautiful place, but it 




doesn't take away the pain that we feel without you. You can't even begin to know how much you are loved and missed.


Rest in peace. &#9829;




Here is the letter that I wrote to her. There was no funeral possible due to the details of the surgery, so this was a letter to have some kind of closure.

Dear little angel. You might not know me because we have never met or might not have a chance to meet in this life time. I am hoping that you can feel me right now, in the same way that I feel and love you. I am writing with the tears in my eyes because I feel so much pain for having to let you go. I beg for your forgiveness, today and for the rest of my life but this path we choose was a very hard and was our last choice. The harsh reality of the situation didnt give us a lot of options, we fought for your life till the last bit, and this decision was purely made in the best of your interest and in order to protect you. My little child, the world we live in is a bit harsh, and the last thing that we would want for you is suffering. We have looked at every option to see how we would be able to make your life better, with so many unknowns in 
The equation. Life in the hospital with operation after operation, casting, physical therapy and rehabilitation is 
Very painful and this is what we are really protecting you (more pain and suffering) from. Please keep us in your heart (and we will too) because mama, papa, siste and the rest of your family love you so much.

WE WILL NEVER 
FORGET AND STOP LOVING YOU. YOU WERE PART OF US FROM VERY BEGINNING, AND WILL STAY WITH US FOREVER. 

Your big sister is still very young today to understand what happened and why we had no choice to choose this path for you. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves you and will deeply regret not having the opportunity to meet, to love and to be a big sister to you ( when she is old enough to understand). 

I DONT WANT TO SAY GOOD BYE, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE WITH US IN EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, IN HEAVEN WATCHING OVER US

I LOVE MY LITTLE ANGEL, WHO WASNT GIVEN A CHANCE IN THIS LIFE!


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## collie_crazy

I am so sorry you had to go through this :cry: I understand only to well the decision you had to come to and know how hard it is. When you feel ready you should come over to the Ethical Prenatal Losses part of this forum as all of us in there know exactly the choices you had to make. 

Did you give your little girl a name? I found it helped a little to name my daughter - to make other people realise that she was a baby and she did exist even if they never got to see her. 

I hope you find the support and comfort in these forums that I have. The ladies here have been nothing short of amazing to me and I'm sure you will find the same. If ever you need to talk / rant / cry we will be here to listen. 

If only words could take away some of your pain. I hope you are being kind to yourself :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Waiting2bMommy

:hugs:


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## Mellybelle

:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

I am so deeply sorry for your loss :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I am also originally from Brooklyn. I lost my Ava at 18 and half weeks, i gave birth to her in my home and we buried her on 3/11/2011. I know how bad this pain is and takes a very long time to work through it, its been almost 7 months for me and just last night I broke down in my bed and cried uncontrollably, not sure why last night. I just think of Ava every single minute and i am just overwhelmed with sadness . You just are never the same after a loss like this, I know I am not. I am stronger than I was but my heart is just broken and it can never be repaired. Thank you for sharing your story with us and if you ever need to talk let me know I am always here.
XOXOX Thinking Of You..... Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mhazzab

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. you have been through such a traumatic time and have been so brave.

the letter you wrote to her is beautiful - you did her proud.

make sure you take whatever time you need, to grieve. unfortunately I have found that a lot of people don't understand how heartbreaking losing a child before it's born can be, that you will never get over it, and I think that's where a forum like this becomes a lifeline, to be able to talk to others who understand completely.

take care, we are always here for you

xxx


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## Hellylou

Hugs to you, I am very sorry for your loss. :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## dnlfinker

Thank you so very much for your support. It means a whole lot to 
me. I too have read your tragedy stories and was sadden and reminded 
of the awfull time. I am happy to know that there is emotional support, somebody who truely understands but its unfortunet that this tragedy brings 
us together.May we only heat a good news!


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## angel jayvian

Iam so sorry huns :( I also loss my baby boy july 29, 2011 :(..



dnlfinker said:


> Baby Finker, from Brooklyn NY, sadly passed away Friday July 29 2011.
> 
> Our story:
> 
> I was 12 weeks pregnant when I went for my NT scan. Everything was fine at that point; the pregnancy was going as planned. During the scan the sonographer remained very calm as she was trying to get the measurement. She then asked me to give her a minute and walked out of the room. For some reason it did not alarm me, I waited till she brought the doctor in. The doctor came in, took a look at the sonogram and told me that he has to send me to the Diagnostic center to further take a look. He tried not to give me a lot of details and not to upset me. The next day, when I went, we found out that the baby had Radial Dysplasia (she was missing a bone) in the forearm and possible 2 of the fingers were missing as well. Everything just went downhill after that. Our life was about to change for good and what was intended to be a happy pregnancy turned to be a sad tragedy. It was really too early at that point to know the severity of the condition, so we had to wait couple of weeks to find out more. In the mean time, we were going from doctor to doctor for second opinions, testing, and genetic counseling. We were fighting for her life, going 150% percent to make sure that our little girl will not have to suffer through life. (6 weeks we have fought to do the best that we can for her) At the time of the original findings and second opinions, no official diagnoses were given. We were told about the hand but nobody has discussed the risk/possibility of our daughter to have other issues associated with the hand abnormality. At first we thought it was just a hand and with surgery she would be able to have close to normal life but as time passed and after continues research, we found out about VECTERL ASSOCIATION. It is a non-random association of birth defects. There was a high percentage that our little girl would have heart, kidney, Vertebral, Anal, Tracheoesophageal fistula
> And Esophageal defects. Nobody spend the time to explain this to us , it was not even brought during the numerous sonograms, tests and etc.At the time of the final scan during the 17th week of pregnancy , the doctor has took a final look as now the hand was more visible and the severity was detectable , the Doctor broke our hearts and let us know that the baby had Type 4 (the worst case) radial Dysplasia with possibility of the VECTERL Association and that based on her experience , this child was going to suffer in life. We were forced to make the most life changing, dreadful decision, and let the baby go up to heaven so that she can rest at peace. Our little angel, who was not given a chance in life, has changed our life forever. Its been two weeks, but there has not been a moment that I dont think about her. I feel so guilty for having to let go .Even though deep in my heart, I know that we did it in the best interest of our little girl, its a decision that I will regret forever!
> 
> MISSING HER DEARLY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! WE LOVE OUR LITTLE ANGEL WHO WAS NOT GIVEN A CHANCE IN LIFE.
> 
> We know you are in Heaven now, watching and waiting for us to join. For whatever reason, you were taken away. We will never know that reason. It is comforting to know that you are in such a warm, beautiful place, but it
> 
> 
> 
> 
> doesn't take away the pain that we feel without you. You can't even begin to know how much you are loved and missed.
> 
> 
> Rest in peace.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Here is the letter that I wrote to her. There was no funeral possible due to the details of the surgery, so this was a letter to have some kind of closure.
> 
> Dear little angel. You might not know me because we have never met or might not have a chance to meet in this life time. I am hoping that you can feel me right now, in the same way that I feel and love you. I am writing with the tears in my eyes because I feel so much pain for having to let you go. I beg for your forgiveness, today and for the rest of my life but this path we choose was a very hard and was our last choice. The harsh reality of the situation didnt give us a lot of options, we fought for your life till the last bit, and this decision was purely made in the best of your interest and in order to protect you. My little child, the world we live in is a bit harsh, and the last thing that we would want for you is suffering. We have looked at every option to see how we would be able to make your life better, with so many unknowns in
> The equation. Life in the hospital with operation after operation, casting, physical therapy and rehabilitation is
> Very painful and this is what we are really protecting you (more pain and suffering) from. Please keep us in your heart (and we will too) because mama, papa, siste and the rest of your family love you so much.
> 
> WE WILL NEVER
> FORGET AND STOP LOVING YOU. YOU WERE PART OF US FROM VERY BEGINNING, AND WILL STAY WITH US FOREVER.
> 
> Your big sister is still very young today to understand what happened and why we had no choice to choose this path for you. There is no doubt in my mind that she loves you and will deeply regret not having the opportunity to meet, to love and to be a big sister to you ( when she is old enough to understand).
> 
> I DONT WANT TO SAY GOOD BYE, BECAUSE YOU WILL BE WITH US IN EVERY STEP OF THE WAY, IN HEAVEN WATCHING OVER US
> 
> I LOVE MY LITTLE ANGEL, WHO WASNT GIVEN A CHANCE IN THIS LIFE!


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry for your loss - floaty kisses to your beautiful angel xxx


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## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your sweet daughter. Lots of hugs!!!!


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so, so sorry for the loss of your beloved daughter, it's so unfair. Your letter is beautiful, thank you for sharing it with us xxx


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## DueSeptember

:hugs:


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