# still hurting after chemical pregnancy



## kelseybisset

I hope some of you can understand this. Sorry it's so long. I was about 3-4 weeks when I miscarried in August. My husband and I are not ok. I feel like no one thinks this was an actual miscarriage because it was a chemical pregnancy. I feel like it's weird to grieve but I am grieving. I'm sad and my husband's upset because he can't fix me. I had very strong pregnancy symptoms even though it was so early. I was dizzy and nauseous all the time, my near-constant headaches had disappeared and it hurt to lay on my stomach. I still had symptoms for a couple of weeks after and I was so upset that I still felt pregnant when I knew I wasn't but then I cried the first time I laid on my stomach and it didn't hurt anymore. And I'm still having weird cycles. It seems like that's just to remind me. I feel like I can't just move on. That was a life, a baby, that's not here anymore. I want to name it but I don't know what. Should it be a boy or a girl name? A neutral name? Should we give it one of the names we already had picked out? I feel like I still want children with those names but then it seems like I'm saying "we're saving those for a real baby". Obviously he or she was a real baby. Sorry for the tmi, but I bled really lightly the first period after and the next two there were a lot of clots. But the baby was so small I don't know where it was. I wished I could have buried it or something but I couldn't so now it's just gone. After it happened, hubby and I talked and cried about it for a while and then I literally forgot. Then one day, it was like I woke up and I couldn't believe that I'd forgotten. I was just hurting so much I pushed the thought away. I don't want to forget but it's not getting any easier. I feel like I should be better by now, but I don't know how to move on without forgetting. It still hurts. Sorry, I know this is sad and maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion.


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## MissingMO

I don't care how long you are pregnant, as soon as you get that positive test, I think you start to fall in love with the little one in your belly. Absolutely name your baby. There are a lot of unisex names you can pick from, just google it. It takes a while to get over any loss, don't make yourself feel rushed.


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## kelseybisset

Thank you MissingMO


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## tara515

im so sorry for your loss, I had a chemical and i got NO support whatsoever, i was even told it wasn't a real baby, just a bunch of cells, from a friend who is very Pro life, i didn't undertand then why MY baby was just cells but if someone wanted to abort, they would have been killing a baby, made no sence to me, i then was told maybe i wasn't even pregnant i just had some sort of Disease that made pregnancy tests come out positive...seriously my disease was a baby...I grieved, i was confused but i really just had to do it silently cuz no one understood why i would be upset..im sorry for your LOSS..my aunt a long time ago had a still birth and a few miscarriages and she told me its because God knows she loves babies and would want some waiting for her to care for them in heaven...I know this has helped me while i went threw my miscarriage, it was Gods way of making sure i have a baby in heaven to care for always.


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## Mellybelle

I'm sorry for your loss. A chemical pregnancy just a name for an early miscarriage. But its still a loss and its still heartbreaking. :hugs: 

You wont ever forget your baby, and you dont have to. Also, you may never get over it, but with time your grief will be less overwhelming. 

I have an angel garden to remember my angels. I like to buy little ornaments for it and plant new bulbs and seeds. It looks a little bare at the moment, but i'm waiting for some new bulbs to shoot. 



I think naming your baby will help you. There are some lovely names for angel babies. 
Asha is a lovely name for a boy or a girl. It means 'hope'. Its obvious how much you loved your baby. Perhaps you could write a note to him/her and attach it to a balloon to send up to heaven. My DH and I did this just a few days ago. I find that doing these things helps me to heal and I feel as though my babies know that they arent forgotten.


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## kelseybisset

Thank you guys. It means a lot to get such supportive feedback. Tara515- Thank you so much for your comment. I'm so sorry you went through that. That's awful. I'm sorry for your loss too. And I'm sorry you had to be so quiet about it. Of course your baby was a real baby. It's good to think of our babies being in heaven isn't it? It's good to think of them still existing, even if it's not with us and they must be so happy. 

Mellybelle- I'm sorry for your losses too. It seems like this is such a strange, private world just for moms and dads that I never knew existed. So many losses and grief that usually stays so hidden. I'm hoping to do some of that stuff with my DH. I just need to wait for him to get a break from school and work to bring it up. It's my birthday today and I thought tonight at dinner might be a good time- a little birthday present to me. Our little angel would have been born in March and I'm thinking of getting some kind of jewelry with the March birthstone.

You women are amazing and I'm extremely thankful that there's a place like this where we can share our stories and our angels.


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## elisell

Hi Kelsey,

I literally JUST miscarried 2 days ago. My second miscarriage, my third pregnancy. My first was an ectopic pregnancy. This whole world of pregnancy is so foreign to me and I have yet been able to grab ahold of it. No one will really ever understand, and sometimes it's just nice to keep it as your own secret with your husband because no one gets it. And if they do, they just tell you that everything will be fine. When in your head- you're like WHAT IF IT'S NOT FINE? What if I can't have children?? Sometimes I want to scream those words.

With my last MC, we called it a "him" and a name we had already planned and were calling it that at his ultrasounds. We're still going to name our first born that name, whether it's a boy or girl (if we ever have one!)

Anyways. God has a plan for each of us. Stay faithful and it will happen on His time!

Xoxo


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## MightyMom

Don't let other people define your grieving process! You don't have to get over it or let it go. You have every right to feel sad. It was a baby and it was yours. Women who haven't gone through it don't understand. Men REALLY don't understand. There is no time limit on how long you can be said "just because" it was a chemical pregnancy. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## kelseybisset

Thanks everyone. It's still really hard sometimes... like today.


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## Mom2mmcjg

Kelsey, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've had two early miscarriages this year and I'm in the process of having my 3rd (although this one is not so early).
The hardest thing for me with my other two was that they were considered pregnancies, not babies. So frustrating! It hurt, for a long time. Naming them did help, I can't stand to call a baby "it" so having a name helped. I know how you feel about not wanting to use one of the names you've picked out, but then feeling guilty about it. I had those exact same thoughts and feelings. In the end my husband and I decided we didn't need to give our baby a name that would be acceptable on earth, every name is fine in heaven. Our babies are named:
Heaven (went to heaven Sept 2010)
Miracle (went to heaven January 2011)
Surprise (went to heaven October 19, 2011)

Also, its okay to forget. I don't remember the exact details of my pregnancies and miscarriages anymore, but that doesn't mean I love my babies any less. I know I'll see them in Heaven, I can't wait to meet them. We'll have a big surprise waiting for us when we see whether we had boys or girls. 
God bless


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## Sarena

Kelsey, I think how you feel is completely normal, for what you are going though. I think all us women dream about being mothers long before we conceive, and once we do, it feels like our hopes and dreams are about to come true. To have those hopes and dreams dashed, to lose someone you already loved before you had a chance to meet is a real reason to grieve.

I lost my first baby last week. MMC-scan at 12 weeks, died at 7. I never knew real sadness until last week. My husband is making life bearable. I hope you have good support in your life too. Know that you are not alone. I'm so glad this forum exists.

As for names, and sex of the baby, go with what feels right for you.


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## fiona23

Hi, 

I agree with everyone else's replies, it is completely normal to feel upset. I had a miscarriage at four weeks last month and i don't feel like anyone really understands. We have started ttc again straight away which sometimes i actually feel guilty for, almost like I haven't had time to grieve yet before moving on but at the same time i know having another baby doesn't make the one you lost any less important. X


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## tigerlilly

kelseybisset said:


> I hope some of you can understand this. Sorry it's so long. I was about 3-4 weeks when I miscarried in August. My husband and I are not ok. I feel like no one thinks this was an actual miscarriage because it was a chemical pregnancy. I feel like it's weird to grieve but I am grieving. I'm sad and my husband's upset because he can't fix me. I had very strong pregnancy symptoms even though it was so early. I was dizzy and nauseous all the time, my near-constant headaches had disappeared and it hurt to lay on my stomach. I still had symptoms for a couple of weeks after and I was so upset that I still felt pregnant when I knew I wasn't but then I cried the first time I laid on my stomach and it didn't hurt anymore. And I'm still having weird cycles. It seems like that's just to remind me. I feel like I can't just move on. That was a life, a baby, that's not here anymore. I want to name it but I don't know what. Should it be a boy or a girl name? A neutral name? Should we give it one of the names we already had picked out? I feel like I still want children with those names but then it seems like I'm saying "we're saving those for a real baby". Obviously he or she was a real baby. Sorry for the tmi, but I bled really lightly the first period after and the next two there were a lot of clots. But the baby was so small I don't know where it was. I wished I could have buried it or something but I couldn't so now it's just gone. After it happened, hubby and I talked and cried about it for a while and then I literally forgot. Then one day, it was like I woke up and I couldn't believe that I'd forgotten. I was just hurting so much I pushed the thought away. I don't want to forget but it's not getting any easier. I feel like I should be better by now, but I don't know how to move on without forgetting. It still hurts. Sorry, I know this is sad and maybe I'm just blowing things out of proportion.

 :hugs:Hi honey Your not blowing anything out of proportion, we had something similar back in march. I feel that i don't have the right to grieve because we didn't get to poas for confirmation. My af was late and everyfibre of my being told me along with the physical pain that i was mc, i couldn't belive what was happening.

Dh and i have bought a chinese lantern and we plain to release it and as many as we need in a ceremony of thanks and goodbye around the time baby should have ben born (Dec 23rd). I find it hard to say baby as we didn't have the poas to 'prove' it but i'm working on the fact that yes it was an early mc, but it was still our baby and we all need to do what is right for us to accept and get through a hard and difficult period. 

someone said on another post that just because we didn't have proof it doesn't mean it matters any less and ur baby was real no matter what. A life was created, so if you choose a name perhaps one you would have choosen or a special name, i've choosen Bumble then have a naming ceremony and grieve for as long as is right for you. sending lots of love and :hugs: too you. xx


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## bornfree78

So sorry for your loss Kelseybisset :hugs: I had my 3rd MC (chemical pregnancy) 2 days ago and we've been trying for nearly 1.5 years now. I believe that sometimes God makes us wait a little, but never ignores our prayers...


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