# My girl grew wings at 27.5 weeks. (Update)



## xSarahM

Idk what else to say girls :cry:
My heart is literally shattered into a million pieces.
We had a Drs appointment today, and they couldnt find her heartbeat on the doppler. So they tried to find one on an US and they couldnt. It looks like her cord is wrapped around her neck.

I just cant believe it. Last night she was kicking away. I didnt notice anything wrong this morning because our boy was kicking away, he's always been the most active of the two :cry: If i felt kicks in the middle i could never tell who it was.

Idk what to say. Idk how to feel. I just feel numb. I'm just crying constantly on and off. I'm trying to stay strong for my baby boy, but i dont understand how im supposed to. I have this ache in the pit of my stomach and its just making me feel sick. I just cant wrap my head around it. She's gone but i have to carry her around for the rest of my pregnancy :cry:


*Update*
---------

Hi girls. Thanks for all your kind words and prayers. It means alot to me that you're all so kind and supportive. I'm not religious but i find it very comforting to know that those of you that are have offered to keep us in your prayers. :flow:
I called my Doctor this morning to ask if i could maybe go in at some point today, just to ask him my questions. I've been up all night thinking of them. Googling them, just generally trying to find out what to expect from here on out.

I inquired as to how her cord wrapping around her neck could cause this when she wasnt breathing anyway, they corrected me in saying that it also had a knot in it. I must have missed that or something. It helps me a little knowing that there was nothing i could have done, and it wasnt my fault. These things "just happen."

I'll have my blood checked every week to make sure i havent got any toxins in my blood from baby girl. They are hoping for me to carry them for as long as i can, at least until baby boy is strong enough to be delivered. But of course if things with him start to look worrying, they'll induce me. I am still hoping to do a vaginal birth, and if there are no future complications, this is still a good possibility.

Also, we have decided to change her name. When we think of Aoife, we think of our bouncing baby girl. So we have decided to call our now Sleeping baby girl, Aurelia Emily. (Aurelia means Golden) :flow:


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## AROluvsJMP

Omg Sarah i cannot imagine how you feel right now i am so sorry! if you need anything you just PM me! i am so sorry for your loss!

Aoife fly high little angel <3


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## oOskittlesOo

Sarah :hugs: oh my gosh... I'm so sorry Sarah... :hugs: like autumn said if you need anything or wanna talk you can always PM me :hugs:


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## dreabae

Omg sarah :hugs::hugs::hugs: Im here for you darling. If you need anything just pm me =[
R.i.p. Aoife <3


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## oOskittlesOo

:sadangel: R.I.P. Aoife Marya Noelle :sadangel: fly high baby girl. Remember Sarah that she'll always be looking down on you and her brother :hugs:


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## SapphireCrush

Awhh noo I almost cried reading this :'(
I'm sorry, I can't imagine how you feel.. but just try to stay strong for baby boy :hugs: :flower: 
:sadangel:


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## xXerinXx

:hugs: I'm so sorry Sarah. :hugs:


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## AriannasMama

R.I.P baby girl and :hugs: for you mama.


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## kgriffin

This is terrible, I am so sorry.


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## XxXsusieqXxX

so sorry Sarah :( R.I.P Aoefe :hugs: :hugs:
xxx


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## charlotte88

Oh sarah!! i cant imagine how you must be feeling right about now, baby aofie is in my thoughts as are you and you know where i am if you need a chat. 
Lots of good wishes go to baby boy and keep him strong. his sister will always be in our thoughts 

xx


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## Lexilove

I'm so sorry Sarah :hugs:


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## xSarahM

Thank you girls. Idk what else to say.
It really is a help just to know you're all here.


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## oOskittlesOo

xSarahM said:


> Thank you girls. Idk what else to say.
> It really is a help just to know you're all here.

Please don't forget we all are here for you :hugs: are they even gonna send you for a scan to be sure??


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## Snowball

I'm so sorry hun :hugs:


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## birdiex

Ohh Sarah :cry: I can't believe this! I hope you're okay, and I'm always here if you want to chat. I'm so sorry that that's happened, poor little Aoife! I just don't know what to say. The loss support forums are fabulous, have a look in there (I know it might be hard to face :cry:) - there are loads of girls who've lost, and they'll be able to give you some support on saying goodbye to her when she arrives. Just remember, it'll never be a real goodbye, she'll always be with you :kiss:


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## xSamanthax

Oh no hun i am so so sorry for your loss!! :cry: Sending you lots of :hugs: R.I.P Aoife :angel:


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## krys

I'm so sorry Sarah :( I can not even imagine. You're in my prayers. 

R.I.P. Sweet girl<3


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## wishingonastar

I'm so so sorry :hugs:


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## fi79

So sorry. Can't even begin to imagine the pain.


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## xSarahM

Skyebo said:


> Please don't forget we all are here for you :hugs: are they even gonna send you for a scan to be sure??


I had one and they couldnt find anything.
They also tried to check the bloodflow through the cord and couldnt find anything from that either.


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## Chrissy7411

Oh no, no, no! :nope: Sarah, I'm so sorry! Try to stay strong for your baby boy. PM me if you ever need to talk! 
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

:angel: R.I.P. Aoife. You're a beautiful angel now, watching over your mama and brother! :flow:


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## birdiex

xSarahM said:


> Skyebo said:
> 
> 
> Please don't forget we all are here for you :hugs: are they even gonna send you for a scan to be sure??
> 
> 
> I had one and they couldnt find anything.
> They also tried to check the bloodflow through the cord and couldnt find anything from that either.Click to expand...

Sarah I am so so sorry. If there's anything we can do to help, then please let us know! Poor beautiful baby Aoife, fly high :cry:


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## oOskittlesOo

xSarahM said:


> Skyebo said:
> 
> 
> Please don't forget we all are here for you :hugs: are they even gonna send you for a scan to be sure??
> 
> 
> I had one and they couldnt find anything.
> They also tried to check the bloodflow through the cord and couldnt find anything from that either.Click to expand...

Oh no... :( Sarah... That's horrible... I can't imagine<3 you're so strong!


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## oox_tasha_xoo

omg sarah im so sorry, this has actually made me cry :( i dont know what to say, i am so so sorry xxxxx :hugs: xx


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## emilyrose.x

i am so sorry hun :hugs:

rip little angel xx


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## we can't wait

Oh, god. Sarah, I don't even know what to say. I am so so so sorry, sweetheart. :cry: I litereally just burst into tears. My heart hurts for you... I just can't imagine. If you want to talk, message me. Anytime of day or night. 
:sadangel:

fly high sweet babygirl. :angel:


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## SabrinaB

oh sarah, i'm so sorry :cry: reading this just wrecked my day i can't even imagine how your feeling :( stay strong for baby boy, i know it'll be hard. but like all the other girls said we are all here for you :hugs: i can't believe this happened :( :( :(


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## daydreamerx

Omg sarah, im absolutely devastated for you.. Im in so much shock.. :( Stay strong, and find peace in knowing she is watching over you and her brother. 
Noone deserves something like this to happen. You are definitely in my thoughts :hugs::hugs::hugs::cry:


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## abi17

Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry to read this. Beautiful aoife will be looking over you and her little brother forever. I have no idea what your going through and I don't no what too say, other than I'm sorry and grieve in your own time, don't let anyone pressure you or try to tell you how to feel. Lots of love Abi x


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## x__amour

I'm so, so, so sorry, Sarah. :cry: :hugs:
Fly high, LO. :angel:


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## Lucy22

Oh Sarah :nope:
I'm absolutely speechless, I simply cannot believe it..
I'm so so sorry for yours and Brad's loss.
I know she was very loved and wanted, fly high Aoife :angel:
You must be so upset, I can't begin to imagine how your feeling.
Just know we're all here for you, for anything you need.
Try to stay strong for your baby boy :hugs:
PM me if you need to :hugs:

RIP Aoife Marya Noelle :angel:


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## Abzandbump

Im so so sorry, I cant believe it

Fly high princess :angel:


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## emyandpotato

I'm so so sorry hun, can't even begin to imagine what you're going through :hugs:


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## xSarahM

Thank you for all your kind words.
Please don't think I'm being rude because I'm not really replying. I really do appreciate the support, its just my mind is blank right now. On here and with my family.


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## Hotbump

so sorry for you loss :hugs:


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## oOskittlesOo

xSarahM said:


> Thank you for all your kind words.
> Please don't think I'm being rude because I'm not really replying. I really do appreciate the support, its just my mind is blank right now. On here and with my family.

No way don't appologize :hugs: we all understand you must be sort of blank right now, you've got lots of healing to do.. :hugs: we'll all be here with open arms when you're ready.


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## Lucy22

What Skye said :hugs:
Deal with this whatever way you can, don't feel under pressure to respond if you don't feel like it. :flower:


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## Elizax

Oh Sarah i'm so sorry to hear, my heart goes out to you! Sleep well with the rest of the angel babies Aoife, they will take good care of you :flow:


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## SmartieMeUp

Oh wow. There's is nothing which I can say other than I'm sorry :( :hugs:
I think it's torture with the fact you have to still carry her still, but it's the only way to keep your little boy safe. 

Aoife will be keeping him strong inside. 

Many thoughts are with you. 
RIP Aoife :angel: :flow:


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## Shanelley

Aw no u poor poor girl!!!!!!!!!!!! HUGS!! thats so sad i cried for u. :( x


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## TwilightAgain

I'm so so sorry, there aren't words :nope:

:hugs:


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## xforuiholdonx

OMG sarah, im so sorry. Just read this, and cried. Fly high beautiful little girl<3


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## amyw044

:hugs: xxxx


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## smitsusan5

oh my god. im so sorry sarah. i honestly dont know what to say, try and stay strong for your little boy, he needs you more than ever! im always here if you want to pm me


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## almostXmagic

oh Sarah :cry: im so sorry for your loss. :hugs:

rest in the arms of angels sweet Aoife :angel:


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## Fruitymeli

:hugs:im so sorry for your loss :(
R.I.P Aoife


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## vinteenage

Oh my goodness Sarah, I am so sorry. I teared up reading this. That's so unfair. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I don't even want to use that little 'hug' smiley because the smiles in it feel so incredibly inappropriate. There's nothing happy about this.

Take care of yourself, sweetheart. Your little boy will be okay.


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## Shaunagh

I am so sorry for your loss. Your little beautiful Angel will always be looking down over your and her brother. I cant even imagine what you must be going through. Stay strong.


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## EmmaRea

I don't know you as well as the other girls on here, but I wanted to let you know that my heart hurts for you. I absolutely mean it when I say you are in my prayers.


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## BrEeZeY

omg Sarah, im so sorry!! you and your little family are in my prayers! much love and hugs to you and your little boy <3


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## Chelsea.ann1

I'm so sorry Sarah.. Nobody deserves to go through this I can't begin to imagine the pain/confusion your feeling, my heart goes out to you :[ 
This isn't goodbye though.. Just a see ya later..
Little Miss Aoife Marya Noelle is lookin down on her mommy and brother now :]


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## Shannyxox

I am so sorry to hear this :( I don't really know what to say appart from how sorry I am for your loss :(xxx


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## angeleyez92

Oh my god... I am so sorry honey... :cry: If you ever need to talk to someone I am here for you.. feel free to pm me anytime... you are in my prayers love...

rip Aoife baby :angel: watch over your mommy and daddy from heaven <3


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## mariep

Sarah, I am so sorry, this is terrible. Wish all us BNB girls could come and 
give you a big hug. We are all here for you :sad1:


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## eviestar

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I've lost a baby girl previously too so I can imagine how you must be feeling. If you ever need to talk to somebody just pm me xx fly high baby girl, she will always be your little girl n she will be with you forever x


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## amysra

Im so sorry. Im so close to crying for you right now!
I know that there are no words just now to make this better.
:flower:


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## Catherine896

I am so so sorry. Hugs to you.

xx


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## HarlaHorse

I'm so, so sorry Sarah, you poor thing.

Rip, LO. :flow:


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## MummyJade

:hugs: xx


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## livfc

Im so sorry for your loss.I read this through tears.If you need to talk,just know that even though you dont know me,Im always here for you.Fly high angel xx


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## taylorxx

OMG...:cry: I'm so so so sorry... I'm seriously about to start crying and I have never even talked to you! I'll keep you and your family in my prayers :hugs: stay strong love. Fly high babygirl :angel: xx


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## seraphina

I'm so so sorry to hear this Sarah!! Xxxx R.I.P Aoefe!! xxxx


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## NewMommy17

Awww Oh No :nope: I'm So Sorry For Your Loss. :hugs::hugs:

Just Know your little princess is now an angel and looking down on you and your baby boy believe that !

I'm truly sorry your going through this be strong for LO you have left to love forever :flower:


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## LovingMommy10

Sarah , Im so sorry for your loss when Marie told me about it I about died!
I hope everything with little man is going great, and remember she'll always be watching over you hun! We are all here for you <3


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## xx_Holli_xx

R.I.P. Aoife Marya Noelle fly high baby girl. i am so sorry sarah


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## Burchy314

I am soooo sorry Sarah! You and your family are in my prayers! R.I.P Aoife


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## Babyluck

I am so deeply sorry for your loss! I can't imagine what you must be going through! Sending u huge amounts of love and hugs xxx


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## Pixiebear

I'm so sorry for your loss Sarah!
I hope she's flying high looking down on you like a angel and watching her brother. <3
X


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## lilashwee

omg i am so sorry to hear thins :hugs: x


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## YoungMummi17

Omigosh sarah.. im so sorry :(


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## Strawberrymum

I never spoke to you, but I am so sorry for your loss! :hugs:


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## lilosmum

I am truly sorry for your loss and cannot imagine how you must be feeling. All by best wishes go out to you and your family!


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## Shansam

I am so sorry for your loss sarah:hugs::flow:


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## rainbows_x

So sorry for your loss. xxx


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## MrsBurton09

Sarah I am truely sorry. I cannot even imagine. I am sitting here in shock.. I cant believe this happened. I am in tears right now. Just know she will have a special place in ur heart and a special little boy to help u carry on. I am always here for u even tho we r miles apart.


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## Sophie1234

I can't even begin to imagine how your feeling right now! I'm so upset for you. So sorry your having to go through this, just remember that your little princess will be looking down on you from heaven. Stay strong for your little boy. Sending lots of hugs your way!!! RIP Aoife! X


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## abbyg

Omg hunni i'm so sorry. I just don't know what to say. Your beautiful little angel will always be looking down on you, R.I.P baby Aoife xx


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## merakola

So sorry for your loss hun. No one should have to go threw that at all. If you every need someone to talk to im always here. :hugs:

Fly High baby girl :angel:


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## birdiex

Oh honey, Aurelia is such a beautiful name - I know this might not be welcome and a little too forward but a few weeks ago I made a plan as to what I'd like to do if my LO hadn't made it. I'll pop some idea in to a spoiler for you so you can read them if you wish but not if you feel it's too soon :flow:


Spoiler
It might be a nice idea to ask your doctor or midwife what her measurements are, so you could get her a birthday outfit that would fit. Maybe micro-preemie would fit? But she deserves to have a nice outfit, so that she can meet her parents and her brother (and any other family you felt close enough to invite to meet her) and it might be nice for you to choose her outfit just like you did for her being full-term.

Also, the hand and footprint molds might be nice to look in to for her, so you always have a record of what her hands and feet are like, and call round some local churches and seeing if they'd do a ceremony for her. Then you can choose her flowers, her decoration ect for her special day. Aurelia Emily is such a gorgeous name, and I'm so sorry. I hoped these suggestions have helped you a little bit to be able to think of what you want for her for when she arrives :kiss: :flow:


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## xSarahM

birdiex said:


> Oh honey, Aurelia is such a beautiful name - I know this might not be welcome and a little too forward but a few weeks ago I made a plan as to what I'd like to do if my LO hadn't made it. I'll pop some idea in to a spoiler for you so you can read them if you wish but not if you feel it's too soon :flow:
> 
> 
> Spoiler
> It might be a nice idea to ask your doctor or midwife what her measurements are, so you could get her a birthday outfit that would fit. Maybe micro-preemie would fit? But she deserves to have a nice outfit, so that she can meet her parents and her brother (and any other family you felt close enough to invite to meet her) and it might be nice for you to choose her outfit just like you did for her being full-term.
> 
> Also, the hand and footprint molds might be nice to look in to for her, so you always have a record of what her hands and feet are like, and call round some local churches and seeing if they'd do a ceremony for her. Then you can choose her flowers, her decoration ect for her special day. Aurelia Emily is such a gorgeous name, and I'm so sorry. I hoped these suggestions have helped you a little bit to be able to think of what you want for her for when she arrives :kiss: :flow:


Thanks Paige, some of those ideas are really nice. I just dont feel grown up enough for all of this. Maybe it sounds stupid? Idk, on the one hand i wish someone else would just take over and do it all for me, but on the other i dont want anyone else to do it.

Me and Brad kind of right now are just accepting everything. We plan on getting her a new, smaller outfit. He's already been looking at passages of writing that he might like to be read at her ceremony and stuff. I'm not ready to ring around churches yet, and i know Brad would if i asked, but i can tell hes just not ready either. He's also been filling in the rest of both of their Baby Books.

Our hospital will do Hand + Foot prints when she's here, so from that i think we're going to get some things made. Idk if i want anyone else to meet her. I havent said that to Brad in case he really wants his parents to meet her. Idk if its just me being extreme.


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## birdiex

Don't worry sweetie, it's your daughter and it's such a private thing if you don't want her to meet other people. In my plan, I would have wanted my family to meet him or her since I would have wanted my LO treated the same as others, kwim? So that might be a consideration if you wanted people to meet both the twins together, kwim? It's just a thought :flow:

Have you asked your doctor about her placenta? I know that sounds like a minor consideration at the moment but you could maybe take a piece from hers (or her whole one) and a piece from her brothers (if you still wanted to eat some) and do one of the placenta burial things, and that way a piece of her and her brother will always, always be together? Oh that just made me cry haha :cry:! It might be a nice thing for him when he's older that a part of him and his sister are still physically together?

I also just wanted to say, I know you and Brad hadn't been amazing recently but you've both done so well, and there's a lovely poem I remember from losing my angel (granted it was nowhere near like this for me though - I couldn't imagine your pain). I'll find it for you.

ETA: Here are some nice ones - Daddy's lullaby Brad might like. https://www.babysite.org/babysite/sidene/poems3.htm

& The poem I said I'd find

Spoiler
What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today,
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say:
A Mother has a baby,
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, he replied
With confidence in his voice,
I give many women babies,
When they leave it is not their choice.
Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day,
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God,
I want my baby here.

He took a breath,
and cleared his throat,
And then I saw a tear.
I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing Here...

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say,
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day.
When she goes to sleep,
On her pillow is where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear,
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today,
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one,
Your children are okay.
Your babies are here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with Me,
Until your lessons there are through,
And on the day that you come home,
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start.

Author Unknown


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## oOskittlesOo

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: I love you Sarah!


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## vinteenage

Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

Her name is absolutely stunning.

It's completely up to you and Brad if you want others to meet her, and I can see both sides. You have some time to decide though, right?

I'd really urge you to take pictures of her though. I'm sure it's going to be a whirlwind of emotion assuming you'll be having both Aurelia and her brother at the same time. 

Ring churches when you feel comfortable. They're used to doing funeral on short notice as that's how they...usually are.

You guys will be okay sweets. :hugs: I won't pretend I can fathom what you're going through right now, there's a lot on your plate, but you'll be through it and have a baby boy to snuggle and know your daughter is always with you in spirit.


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## xSarahM

Yeah Paige. I'll consider letting Brads parents + brother, and my brothers and sister meeting her with her brother. Idk, i just personally feel like it is such a private thing.

I haven't asked about my placenta, but im guessing it will deteriate (sp?). I'm not sure if i'll be able to keep it, but if i am i think i'd like to do something like that to keep them together. Me and Brad havent spoke much about serious decisions, i dont want to bring it up and see him cry even more, and i think he's the same.

I'm sorry for your loss, too Paige. A loss at any time is still very painful :hugs:
Love you too, Skye :hugs:


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## xSarahM

Thank you Daphne, yeah we still have time to decide on and organise things. Things could change, I might want most of our close family to meet her when she's here. I guess it all depends on how i feel closer to the time? If that makes sense.

You dont have to have a wake though, do you? I just want to have the ceremony and everyone to just go home. I'm not trying to be rude towards my family, i just dont particularly see myself wanting much company that day.


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## scaredmmy2b

I am so sorry. I can not imagine how you feel right now! keeping you in my prayers


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## vinteenage

xSarahM said:


> Thank you Daphne, yeah we still have time to decide on and organise things. Things could change, I might want most of our close family to meet her when she's here. I guess it all depends on how i feel closer to the time? If that makes sense.
> 
> You dont have to have a wake though, do you? I just want to have the ceremony and everyone to just go home. I'm not trying to be rude towards my family, i just dont particularly see myself wanting much company that day.

It makes perfect sense, hon.


You absolutely do not need to have a wake or anything after.


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## Lucy22

xSarahM said:


> Thank you Daphne, yeah we still have time to decide on and organise things. Things could change, I might want most of our close family to meet her when she's here. I guess it all depends on how i feel closer to the time? If that makes sense.
> 
> You dont have to have a wake though, do you? I just want to have the ceremony and everyone to just go home. I'm not trying to be rude towards my family, i just dont particularly see myself wanting much company that day.

Exactly. And I'm sure your family will understand no matter what you decide, this is a very difficult decision for you and Brad.
You don't have to have a wake if you don't want to :hugs: Its your baby, and if you don't want company that day, you shouldn't have to endure it.

Elena and I walked down to our church this morning to light a candle for Aurelia and to say a prayer for your family. I swear, you haven't left my mind since last night! :nope: I wish we could all help you more :hugs:


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## xSarahM

Lucy, it really means alot to me that you would do that. :hugs: Thank you.


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## vinteenage

Sarah, could you make a list of things that need to be done and give it others, even household things or whatnot or getting things ready for baby boy? I can completely understand wanting to do things yourself for Aurelia, but calling churches, etc, doesn't need to be directly you. :flower: At least you'd know baby steps were being made, if that's all weighing heavily on your mind.


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## smitsusan5

i thought about you all last night. i hope your okay. well thats stupid your obviously not but im always here for you, as are all the girls on here:flow:


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## xSarahM

Yeah Daphne, everyones being really great with doing things for me. Although i am being slightly smothered with the, "do you need anything?"'s. I know they're doing it all in good faith though.

My auntie is getting rid of the double buggy, and the twin bassinet pack n play for us. I just dont know what i need doing right now. I wish i could leave everything to other people, but i want everything doing my own way.

Thanks Kayte :flow:


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## vinteenage

Aw honey. :hugs: I'm glad they're offering, though I'm sure the smothering is a bit annoying!

Can she get you a new buggy and pack n' play? Just so that's done and you don't even have to think of it. Same if you need anything else returned (Im sure you want to keep some of Aurelia's things but if you have doubles of other things and such...).

I cant imagine how hard all this is. Do it all when you're ready, no rush.


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## birdiex

Lucy22 said:


> xSarahM said:
> 
> 
> Thank you Daphne, yeah we still have time to decide on and organise things. Things could change, I might want most of our close family to meet her when she's here. I guess it all depends on how i feel closer to the time? If that makes sense.
> 
> You dont have to have a wake though, do you? I just want to have the ceremony and everyone to just go home. I'm not trying to be rude towards my family, i just dont particularly see myself wanting much company that day.
> 
> Exactly. And I'm sure your family will understand no matter what you decide, this is a very difficult decision for you and Brad.
> You don't have to have a wake if you don't want to :hugs: Its your baby, and if you don't want company that day, you shouldn't have to endure it.
> 
> Elena and I walked down to our church this morning to light a candle for Aurelia and to say a prayer for your family.* I swear, you haven't left my mind since last night!* :nope: I wish we could all help you more :hugs:Click to expand...

Me too, when I saw the title appear at the side of teen preg I thought, OH NO, WHO?! And then I saw it was you Sarah, and I read it and burst in to tears. Even OH was gutted for you :cry: Lucy, you did such a nice thing! Poor baby girl. 

& Sarah, Thankyou - I couldn't imagine going through it like this but it was pretty difficult to get through. Your son and your OH will keep you strong, you all have a special angel in heaven to watch over you all now :kiss:


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## xSarahM

Yeah, i guess Daphne. I just kind of want everything done for me, but i want to be able to choose things myself. Idk how im going to feel when i start looking at things around the house that aren't for twins. Iykwim? :nope:

I'm going through her clothes in my head and trying to decide the ones i'd least want to keep. But i cant think. I mean, most of the ones i definately want to keep, would be way too big to put on her, but then again so would almost anything. :shrug:


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## vinteenage

xSarahM said:


> I'm going through her clothes in my head and trying to decide the ones i'd least want to keep. But i cant think. I mean, most of the ones i definately want to keep, would be way too big to put on her, but then again so would almost anything. :shrug:

Even if you don't put them on her, I don't see any harm in keeping them and getting a nice keepsake box. They were bought for her. The pieces you really love I'd keep.


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## xSarahM

Yeah, we're definately making her a keepsake box. :flow:


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## birdiex

xSarahM said:


> Yeah, i guess Daphne. I just kind of want everything done for me, but i want to be able to choose things myself. Idk how im going to feel when i start looking at things around the house that aren't for twins. Iykwim? :nope:
> 
> I'm going through her clothes in my head and trying to decide the ones i'd least want to keep. But i cant think. I mean, most of the ones i definately want to keep, would be way too big to put on her, but then again so would almost anything. :shrug:

:cry: :nope: I just don't know what to say at all, I really hope you can start to feel more positive soon, getting things prepared for them both in their own ways. I'm always here for you, and I hope Brad's holding up okay x


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## Lucy22

I think a keepsake box is a fantastic idea, I made one when my sister died and it definitely helps me feel better when I'm feeling low.

I think you should keep whatever you feel attached to, regardless of weather or not it'd fit her. 
I put stuff in my keepsake box that she had never gotten to wear/use cause she passed away just after Christmas, iykwim? I know losing a child is definitely worse than losing a sister though.

How's Brad doing? I hope your letting your family take care of you, your always so strong and you take care of them, I hope they're looking after you right now too. :hugs:


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## vinteenage

Definitely keep what you want. You're not harming anyone by doing so.

Also, any pictures or such you take, don't feel you need to share those either. My grandmother lost her youngest daughter to SIDS at 2 months. There are pictures of her, obviously, but they're just intermixed in photo albums and everyone knows, so no one mentions when flipping through the pictures.


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## emz_x

I'm so sorry :hugs: At least you still have your lovely little boy so stay strong for him :(


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## Lexilove

I'm so sorry Sarah :hugs: I can't even imagine what you and Brad are going through. I just wanted to let you know that Seth, Ruby and I made a donation to March of Dimes in care of Aurelia Emily. Please let me know if I can do anything.


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## xSarahM

Thank you so much Lexi. I haven't forgotten that Ruby's coming home in just over a week. I hope you all have a great day that day :flow:


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## xSarahM

Lucy, Brad isn't so well :( but he's trying to stay strong for me. I kind of wish he wouldn't, I wish he'd let himself hurt so that he can start to try and heal. But he has to handle this in his own way.

He's booked us a room in this Premier Inn for Friday and Saturday night. Its only literally 5 minutes down the road, but its just so we can be alone and start to try thinking about what we want to do, what we need to get, etc.


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## birdiex

That's a really good idea. Maybe post a topic in stillbirths, neotnatal losses & sids and see what those girls suggest, it'll give you something to look through for ideas? Or maybe google and see what other people have done.. You might see something you like?


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## hopscotch

I had a recent had a miscarriage and found this thought very comforting-

When you lose a baby dont think of it as a loss as your baby hasnt died.
It is now a Spirit Baby. Its hasnt been lost, it is just waiting until the next time, the right time, to be born and become your baby in life. It is always with you, waiting and loving as you are.

I am so sorry for your loss i have had so many people say this to me but what else can we say to eachother, the pain of losing a child of your own flesh and blood will never go away i think of my little girl everyday without fail and i get that stifiling pain in the pit of my stomach everytime i think of her.

love Hopscotch xx PM me if you need


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## Srrme

I am so very sorry. :cry: :hugs:


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## emyandpotato

The name is beautiful :flow:


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## oOskittlesOo

Sarah you are so strong, I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now, but I am so proud of you for being the momma that you are to your babies!! Hopscotch is right, my mom has always said that about my brother Noah. She can feel him, she knows he's there watching over her and all of us. That bond with her will never go away and she'll always be there when you need her! I love the name you two choose, it's beautiful. If you ever wanna talk you know you can PM me! I love you and care about you! :hugs:


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## Leah_xx

Oh Sarah Im sooo sorry
:hugs:


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## SabrinaB

such a pretty name you have picked :flow:
i hope you & Brad are doing okay, i wish i could come to England and just give you a big huge bear hug! i haven't stopped thinking about this :( it really breaks my heart :hugs:


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## Amaya_Jordan

Im so sorry for your loss, Try and keep strong for your little boy, i know you said you arent very religious but im still going to keep you in my prayers.


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## bbyno1

Im so,so sorry:hugs:


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## Shanelley

aw im sorry hun really. i love the name u have picked its beautiful i got goosebumps when i read it. :) hope your doing okay. have been thinking of you.


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## ~RedLily~

I'm so sorry hun! :hugs:hugs: x


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## JessicaAnne

Sarah, I'm so sorry. I can't begin to imagine what your going through. Your little girl will always watch over you, her daddy and her brother. :hugs:


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## mamawannabee

Sarah, I know there are no words that can make you feel better, but I am so sorry for your loss of your precious baby girl. As others have said, let others take on jobs that you need done; but keep the most important and personal to do yourself, it will be hard but it is the first step in healing. I can imagine how bittersweet the delivery will be, but in the end you will still have a beautiful baby boy who will show you a whole new world of love and you will find the balance you need emotionally to get through it. Having been through two losses, I want to share a link with you to a website that has some poems that carried me through the darkest moments, read it when and if you are ready, but I hope it helps you to heal too. https://nolanallen.webs.com/poems.htm Don't be afraid to take whatever time you need to sort through how you are feeling, and don't think you have to stay strong for the others around you. PM me if you ever want :hugs:


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## 20102001

I'm so sorry hun .. :hugs:


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## xSarahM

Thank you, everyone.
Everyone is being so supporitve, and I know I've not really messaaged any of you to talk. I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't know what to say. I don't know what I want to talk about. :shrug: but I really do appreciate it.

Mamawannabee (sorry, I'm not sure on your name) thank you. I've been reading through some poems today, and I don't think I can take anymore just yet :flow: but i will definately have a look at some point. I'm so sorry for your two losses :hugs:


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## birdiex

xSarahM said:


> Thank you, everyone.
> Everyone is being so supporitve, and I know I've not really messaaged any of you to talk. I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't know what to say. I don't know what I want to talk about. :shrug: but I really do appreciate it.
> 
> Mamawannabee (sorry, I'm not sure on your name) thank you. I've been reading through some poems today, and I don't think I can take anymore just yet :flow: but i will definately have a look at some point. I'm so sorry for your two losses :hugs:

None of us think you're being rude! I'll PM you my mobile number in case you wanted to talk at any time, about absolutely anything! :hugs: Until you're ready for talking though, we'll all be here supporting you sweetie xx


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## princess_vix

Sweetheart,I'm so sorry for your loss..
Fly high baby girl xxx


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## mamawannabee

xSarahM said:


> Thank you, everyone.
> Everyone is being so supporitve, and I know I've not really messaaged any of you to talk. I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't know what to say. I don't know what I want to talk about. :shrug: but I really do appreciate it.
> 
> Mamawannabee (sorry, I'm not sure on your name) thank you. I've been reading through some poems today, and I don't think I can take anymore just yet :flow: but i will definately have a look at some point. I'm so sorry for your two losses :hugs:

I'm sorry, I'm Brianna, I never really introduced myself on here because I didn't want my name out there until after we announced just in case. Look at them in your own time, if you decide you are ready. And I meant to include this on my first post, but as far as the things you have for her (other than the stroller/crib/big things), keep them whether in a keepsake box, a drawer, somewhere special. As time goes on, you will look at them and it will bring you back to a happy time, just when others stop asking how you are doing, you will look for that something to fill the void in your heart. It can be comforting to just quietly look through them by yourself.


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## aidensxmomma

:hugs:
I'm sorry you have to go through this Sarah. But I'm sure your little girl will be watching over you and her brother. :hugs:


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## oOskittlesOo

You're not being rude at all!! Take all the time you need :hugs: we just want you to know when you are ready, and if you feel like you need someone to turn to with all of the feelings you've got each and every one of us is here :hugs: don't EVER forget that!! You know what i've been through and now that in trying to heal I feel like the girls on here will be the ones to help with that, I want you to feel like when you're at that point you've got someone you can lean on also! We love you Sarah!


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## almostXmagic

Sarah i know you dont really know me but i wanted to say that your little girls new name is so beautiful and i also know you said your not very religious but even still i have been praying for you and Brad as you go through this journey that Jesus would wrap you in his arms as your heart breaks and heals and that he will hold tightly your little girl until you get to heaven some day and can hold her yourself.


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## kittycat18

Sarah... I am so so sorry sweetheart. I honestly do not know what to say, I am sitting here in complete shock and praying for you and your little man to be ok. I can't believe you are going through this and you know I am always here for you... xox :hugs2: xox


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## Shanelley

Hey hun, hope you're doing okay!!! :flow:


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## Lucy22

^WSS. We're all thinking of you and Brad :hugs:


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## mommie2be

You are in my thoughts Sarah. She is looking over you and her brother now. Stay strong sweetie. :flow:



Aurelia Emily, Too beautiful for Earth. :flow:


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## YoungMummy08

i am so sorry for your loss, i dont know what to say but you are in my thoughts and prayers and your family as well x


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## Kaisma

Oh my.. Im so sorry for your loss hun. x 
I cant imagine how you feel. God bless you, your family and little baby girl flying somewhere high x


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## Curlyy_Ann

Im sorry, i pray everything else goes right. Be strong love ans again im sorry


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## jemmie1994

so sorry to hear about your little angel


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## thedog

I'm so sorry hun xxxx


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## kdutra

I am so sorry honey!


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## AmandaBaby

This is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss.
RIP beautiful girl <3 xxxx


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## LittleBoo

So sorry for your loss hun :hugs: beautiful name xx


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## SmartieMeUp

This is really heartbreaking knowing Thomas has passed too :( 
At least he's there to look after his sister, and she knows she isn't alone. He didn't want to be without her.

It's beyond me how ultrasounds miss things like this. Surely the hospital would of found something peculiar when they checked Aurelia . 

Thoughts are with you, Brad, family and little angels :flower: 
RIP Aurelia :angel: & Thomas :angel:


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## Emily louise

Omg sarah !! Ive missed all this because ive stopped coming on the computer and logging on here but im so shocked and my thoughts are with you , you was one of the originalgirls when i used to always pop in and give me good advice and your not that far behind me !! i cant imagen how hard it is to loose a child but They be watching down on there mummy !! But if you ever need anything message me , big cuddles xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


++Cant believe thomas has passed too! RIP Two beautiful angels <3


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## amygwen

Wow, I am so sorry to hear that, Sarah.

I haven't been online lately either so I've completely missed this, I can't even imagine how you must feel. RIP llittle babies :angel:


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## heather92

I'm so sorry, Sarah. :(

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:


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## DollFaceJessi

Wow sarah, I feel like such a bitch from not coming on here enough to realize what had happened. I am so shocked that would happen to you.
I have no idea how you feel and couldnt imagine it.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
<3


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## Becca2704

so sorry,hugs to u and your family xxxx


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## xarlenex

Thinking of you and your family :hugs:


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## Little Peanut

I am deeply sorry for your losses. I really don't know what to say but i am sending massive virtual hugs your way. If it is any comfort they are together just so unfair that they're not with you xxxx


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## 20102001

:hugs:


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