# Devastated that I'll lose my baby for Christmas



## duckytwins

We have 6 year old twin boys at home and I was thrilled when DH decided he was ready to try for a third! We got pg in October and were so excited!! I had some bleeding issues early on (had the same with the boys), and was checked and checked and everything was fine. We finally decided it was okay to tell people that we were pregnant and began telling work, family and friends on Thanksgiving that we were having a baby!! 

I went in for my NT scan just before 13 weeks and was lead to believe everything was fine.... until I got a phone call from my Dr. that afternoon. He said he thought the baby's facial structure looked a little off and told me to go to the hospital for another scan. DH went with me the next day and we got the news...

There was a definite facial and head structure abnormality and the Dr. said there was too much fluid in the brain. She suspected trisomy 13 and asked me to get a CVS done. DH and I were devastated. After 3 months, we might lose the baby. 

We went in for the CVS on Friday afternoon and it was horrible. I couldn't stop crying, knowing there was something wrong and the stupid sonographer made us listen to the heartbeat and said, "It sounds good!"

It's only been three days since the test and I can't stop crying. All I can think about it that my baby will die. I am pregnant with a baby who won't live. I know we haven't gotten the test results back yet (those will come either tomorrow or Wednesday), but the problems were so clear on the ultrasound, I can't imagine the outcome will be a good one. 

I want so badly to pray for a miracle or for news that they were wrong, but I know it won't come. I have never been so devastated in my life. All I can think about over and over in my head is, "my baby will die. It's less than two weeks from Christmas and my baby will die." How am I supposed to handle this??

I feel so alone and scared and confused, and a little angry. Please help me. Please tell me it will be okay and I'm not being punished. 

And oh God, how do we tell the boys? How do you tell 6 year olds, who know there's a baby in mommy's tummy, that the baby won't live? How do you explain that??? 

OMG, I can't do this. It's just too hard... :sad2:


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## kiki04

OMG hun I am so so so sorry you are going through this :cry: I know it wont be easy to tell your children, but you can tell them in your own time. I had 3 children to tell, ages 3, 7, and 9 and yes it was extremely difficult and they didnt handle it very well. We explained to them that the baby in mommy's tummy got very very very sick and so the dr's had to take it out so there is no more baby in mommy's tummy. The older 2 didnt say a word and walked out. My youngest didnt quite get it til awhile down the road. They still love their baby sister very much and talk about her often which warms my heart :cloud9: But dont feel any rush to tell them. Wait until you are ready. They wont know the difference if you tell them now or in 2 weeks. :hugs: I know this is going to be a very difficult Christmas for you and nothing anyone can say or do will make it better but I want you to know we are all here for you. Anytime you need to cry or vent or scream or yell... thats what we are here for. This group of ladies has helped me so much its unbelieveable. I really hope time is gentle on you and you can find a way to look into your two boys little faces on xmas and find a reason to smile, because even though it doesnt seem like it right now.... there is always a reason to smile and keep going. :hugs: :hugs:


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## KamIAm

Hi Hon...:flower:

My heart is breaking for you.... I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers... prayers of comfort, strength and peace....

Initially, when I told my children that their sister has gone to heaven, they took that news better than I thought they would, I was dreading having to have THAT talk with them...:cry: They all had a lot of questions and I was very frank, and honest with them... I think that helped them better understand... :shrug: My older daughters took it a bit harder than my boys..they was sad but they was more sad at the fact their mom and their family was upset so that upset them, but my girls was VERY excited about their lil sister coming so their lil dreams they had all planned had ended... 

Yes, you are definately gonna have your moments, heck even days...but just hang in there babe... and remind yourself to breath :hugs: We'll always be here for you Xoxoxox


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## DueSeptember

*I hate seeing new posts here  I am sorry...I dont think anyone should experience this horrible experience...The Holidays will not be the same for any of us and we will be here if you ever want to talk...these Ladies are Lovely and it sucks we all have to know each other this way *


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## Hellylou

I'm so sorry you are going through this. There is nothing worse, and we all know the terrible pain. I am thinking of you. We are all here to listen.

As for your boys, children are remarkably resilient, and can cope with more than you realise, and they will be fine. Look after yourself during these difficult times ahead.:hugs:


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## OliveBay

I'm so sorry you're going through this :cry:
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry and pray that you get good news xxx:hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry::cry: I hate seeing these posts also, it brings me back to the first time I posted here. I am so sorry :cry::cry: I know how hard this is, you will get through this believe me. It has been 9 months since I lost my Ava at 20 weeks. I was very sad and could not be near anyone for a long time, just now I am starting to get back a little bit of my life. I have 3 boys so I need to be there for them as much as I want to crawl into my bed and stay there. I cry every day for Ava and only now am I accepting this loss , it has been a long road , but we all get there, just at different times. Don't give up hope yet, miracles do happen, believe me. We are ALL here for you at any time. Praying for you and hoping for the best... Andrea :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## duckytwins

thank you everyone. we got the test results back today and the baby has trisomy 13 and won't live. i wasn't prepared for the phone call i got this afternoon. we were told the results would be back on tuesday and they called me today. i was home alone. 

we'll be seeing a genetic counselor tomorrow then speaking with my doctor. we have to make some really hard decisions soon and still have a lot of questions. 

we told the boys that the baby in mommy's tummy is very sick. we told them nothing anyone did made the baby sick, it just happened. we asked if they had any questions and they asked a few, but i'm sure they don't understand. 

right now, the baby is very active and everytime i feel a movement, my heart absolutely breaks.


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## DueSeptember

duckytwins said:


> thank you everyone. we got the test results back today and the baby has trisomy 13 and won't live. i wasn't prepared for the phone call i got this afternoon. we were told the results would be back on tuesday and they called me today. i was home alone.
> 
> we'll be seeing a genetic counselor tomorrow then speaking with my doctor. we have to make some really hard decisions soon and still have a lot of questions.
> 
> we told the boys that the baby in mommy's tummy is very sick. we told them nothing anyone did made the baby sick, it just happened. we asked if they had any questions and they asked a few, but i'm sure they don't understand.
> 
> right now, the baby is very active and everytime i feel a movement, my heart absolutely breaks.

*Awww this Breaks my Heart *


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## Andypanda6570

duckytwins said:


> thank you everyone. we got the test results back today and the baby has trisomy 13 and won't live. i wasn't prepared for the phone call i got this afternoon. we were told the results would be back on tuesday and they called me today. i was home alone.
> 
> we'll be seeing a genetic counselor tomorrow then speaking with my doctor. we have to make some really hard decisions soon and still have a lot of questions.
> 
> we told the boys that the baby in mommy's tummy is very sick. we told them nothing anyone did made the baby sick, it just happened. we asked if they had any questions and they asked a few, but i'm sure they don't understand.
> 
> right now, the baby is very active and everytime i feel a movement, my heart absolutely breaks.

they also said they are 90 percent sure Ava had trisomy 18 and usually they terminate themselves in the first trimester, mine didn't I went to 20 weeks before I lost her. I am so sorry, my heart is breaking for you :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: i don't know what more I can say, I am just so deeply sorry and here for you if you ever need me :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## duckytwins

thank you andrea. my dr said we can choose to terminate or wait and lose the baby naturally. i was talking to a friend of mine today (bless her heart), who had a mc at 11 weeks and it got me thinking. a miscarriage just happens, with no warning. how do you go on being pregnant when you know your baby will die? or being told to make the choice to end it?

i don't know if i'm making any sense. nothing seems to be making sense to me right now. my thoughts don't make any sense, my words don't make any sense. i know i hear information, but it feels like i forget it moments later, or have no idea what the person said.

i'm sorry to ramble. i just don't know what else to do. it seems like if i keep my mind, fingers, body busy, i don't have time to stop and think...


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## dnlfinker

I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own. 

I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to


Massive hugs to you, please take care!


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## duckytwins

dnlfinker said:


> I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own.
> 
> I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to
> 
> 
> Massive hugs to you, please take care!

that is EXACTLY how i feel!!! how can i end a life that's not mine? how can i be the one to "pull the trigger" on someone else's life? 

on the other hand... what if letting nature take over puts me in danger? there are so many questions i have. i wish i could just know... 

thank you for your kind words.


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## mhazzab

I'm so so sorry you are having to go through this, it's just not fair.
Have you found the ethical losses section? I believe it is for people who have had to make the decision you do, you might find it helpful? I think you have to request access.
Please stay here with us too though so we can help support you

Xxx


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## daopdesign

I'm so sorry hun. I have no experinece with this kind of disorder but it does sound like you will have the choice to keep your baby once the tests come back? :hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

I'm so sorry you are going through this, I have no idea how to go about a decision like this, I'm so sorry you are having to make it. I hope you get better answers maybe in the ethical losses section or from your doctors but I do also hope you stay in touch with us to let us help you as well, as best we can. I hope the coming days make things clearer for you to guide you somehow to the right choice. Again I'm so sorry you are having to think of these things. You will be in my thoughts, sending you best wishes xxx


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## OliveBay

I am so sorry:hugs:

Please just remember that there is no standard 'right' or easy decision here and that you are the only person that can know what's right for you. This is a situation that no parent should be faced with and it breaks my heart that you are in this situation. I wish you lots of love and support. Even though I'm sure it feels like your whole world is in despair right now, you WILL get through this. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SarahJane

It breaks my heart that you even have to consider the options babe. In my opinion it is nothing at all about pulling a trigger but about setting your baby free.

I have fortunately never been in that position but I'd like to think I'd make the right decision for my baby so that he or she doesn't suffer and the right decision for me too. For everyone that decision will be different but no-one should ever blame themselves for what they do decide. 

We love our children, it is that love which gets us all through :hugs:


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## Bride2b

I'm so sorry that you had to get the news. 

Only you can make the decision about what to do. I guess waiting for the inevitable to happen will be awful, not knowing how long you will have. Or making the decision to set the baby free & being in control.

Maybe talk to the doctors & a counseller to help make a decision. I know what you mean about not being able to retain information when they give it to you.

One thing I would say just because you have children is that if you chose to let nature take its course, it could happen over Christmas. Its just food for thought as that was my inital thought.

Please keep in touch on here with all these amazing ladies as I promise talking to everyone here will help xxx


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## Lil-woowoo

:hugs: xx


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## Littlemo

i'm so sorry you are going though this, i know how hard this is i have recently lost my baby girl to trisomy 13,
We found out at 20 weeks that my baby girl was not going too make it, things was different for me as i was pregnant with twins but i carried on and my baby girl lasted till 27+5 weeks before my waters went and my babies was born, the only advise i can give you is i won't have missed meeting my beautiful baby girl for anything, if i can offer you any help or advise about the disorder please feel free to PM me any help i can give i will be more then happy xx


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## yazoo

I am so sorry you have to got through this.m:hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

I could never give you advice on what to do, it has to be you to decide. I didn't have to decide as Ava already had died and stayed with me for 3 days till she was born. Only you know what is best for you, if the baby does survive it can die within and hour, a day ,a week, do you know? ask every question. I would do whatever you feel in your heart is right, ask questions what will be the outcome of the 2 choices you face and make sure you fully understand them. I am so sorry, i am sitting here in tears, I just want to hug you and make it go away and make everything ok :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: Go to a quiet place after you have all the info and sit and think and you make your choice, it will come to you. Whatever you decide you have everyone's full support.
XOXOOXXXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## kiki04

:cry: I am just so heartbroken for you :cry:


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## KamIAm

Just checkin' back in and seeing how your doing..... :hugs:


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## jennijunni

I am so, so sorry. I cant give you advise, but please know we are thinking of you and praying for you and your family. Again, I am so, so sorry.


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## babylou

I am so sorry about what you are having to go through. The thought of what you are having to deal with just makes me so sad. 

We got the 'early' call from the hospital after our scan and blood tests, and were told we had a high risk of Downs. After undergoing testing we were given the all clear, but unfortunately Samuel fell asleep at 15/16 weeks. I delivered him in hospital.

The stress of going through all the tests was unbearable, so to hear the result as you did must be much much worse.

My thoughts are with you all.

Take care

love and hugs :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Vickieh1981

duckytwins said:


> dnlfinker said:
> 
> 
> I am sorry you are going through this and are faced with such a decesion.when i was faced with such a decision, i prayed that no parents should ever have to experience this. How do you make a decision on somebody elses life , especially that its a life of a liitle child, and most importantly it is your own.
> 
> I dont want to lead you to any specific decision, but from my experience i would say that its better to let things happen the way they needto happen. Its been 4 months for me, but i regret having to make decision. Unfortunatly from ths point forward it will not be a life without a regret, but you have to see if you can try to make it less emotinally painfull. It would of been so nice if there was some kind of memory of her left, somethingto hold on to
> 
> 
> Massive hugs to you, please take care!
> 
> that is EXACTLY how i feel!!! how can i end a life that's not mine? how can i be the one to "pull the trigger" on someone else's life?
> 
> on the other hand... what if letting nature take over puts me in danger? there are so many questions i have. i wish i could just know...
> 
> thank you for your kind words.Click to expand...

If that is how you feel then please please don't let anyone push you into anythng. This life is hard enough without having anymore regrets than you have to.

I am really sorry that the CVS confirmed what you were expecting. I can't imagine how hard it is going through what you are - I consider myself lucky that Isabella had died at my scan and I wasn't faced with this choice :hugs:

I know it will be hard telling the children. The hardest thing I had to do was come home and break their hearts. I won't lie - it was awful. They screamed and sobbed.

On the other side though kids bounce back quickly and Isabella being in heaven seems normal to them now - it doesn't make them sad anymore (except for the eldest who is autistic and struggles more with feelings)


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## Vickieh1981

Littlemo said:


> i'm so sorry you are going though this, i know how hard this is i have recently lost my baby girl to trisomy 13,
> We found out at 20 weeks that my baby girl was not going too make it, things was different for me as i was pregnant with twins but i carried on and my baby girl lasted till 27+5 weeks before my waters went and my babies was born, the only advise i can give you is i won't have missed meeting my beautiful baby girl for anything, if i can offer you any help or advise about the disorder please feel free to PM me any help i can give i will be more then happy xx

This ^ Personally I think there is something very healing about being able to make as many memories as you can with your baby. This has to be totally your choice though as what is right for one is wrong for another.

xx


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## Andypanda6570

Vickieh1981 said:


> Littlemo said:
> 
> 
> i'm so sorry you are going though this, i know how hard this is i have recently lost my baby girl to trisomy 13,
> We found out at 20 weeks that my baby girl was not going too make it, things was different for me as i was pregnant with twins but i carried on and my baby girl lasted till 27+5 weeks before my waters went and my babies was born, the only advise i can give you is i won't have missed meeting my beautiful baby girl for anything, if i can offer you any help or advise about the disorder please feel free to PM me any help i can give i will be more then happy xx
> 
> This ^ Personally I think there is something very healing about being able to make as many memories as you can with your baby. This has to be totally your choice though as what is right for one is wrong for another.
> 
> xxClick to expand...

I agree. Like I said I chose to give birth to Ava, I didn't do it in the right way I know, but it was still my choice. My Sister IN Law chose the D&E and that was her choice and I respect that.
Whatever you decide it is your choice and don't let anyone influence thta. do what is right for you.
XOXOXO Thinking Of You :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## duckytwins

I'm having a pretty bad morning today. I had nightmares all night last night and woke up angry, confused and emotional. We got more information yesterday and I guess there is more fluid in the baby's brain than there is brain matter. We think it has stopped developing. Since they had to do genetic testing, they told us they know the gender, and asked if we want to know. We think we do, I feel it might be easier to grieve a baby with a name than just an annoymous baby. I think it will help make him or her ours.


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## Garnet

I know exactly what you are going through. We got the news that Amnio came back with our Son and he has trisomy 18. We saw scan of his brain and it was not developing. We have decided to do a D&E this Friday. I in my case do not want to MC naturally. This is our Third loss. I did MC naturally with my first two and it was in the first trimester. I hope that you make the decision to do what is best for you and your family...Best Wishes...


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## duckytwins

thank you garnet. I am so sorry to hear about your son. take care of yourself. maybe we can help each other through this?


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## peacebaby

duckytwins and Garnet

passing by here to say how truly sorry I am for you both going through this.

may you both be given the strength to deal with this in whatever way you each choose to.

garnet you have been an inspiration on the 35+ board.we are here to support you through this.

sending you :hugs: and prayers for you and your respective families.


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry to both of you that you need to go through this

Ducky, finding out the sex and naming your baby is a lovely thing to do. It will give him or her an identity. I named Evelyn before she was born when I found out she had passed away. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

Loads of hugs to you both :hugs:


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## Hellylou

Just checking in to see how you are, Ducky. Thinking of you :hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

duckytwins said:


> I'm having a pretty bad morning today. I had nightmares all night last night and woke up angry, confused and emotional. We got more information yesterday and I guess there is more fluid in the baby's brain than there is brain matter. We think it has stopped developing. Since they had to do genetic testing, they told us they know the gender, and asked if we want to know. We think we do, I feel it might be easier to grieve a baby with a name than just an annoymous baby. I think it will help make him or her ours.

I am so deeply sorry :cry::cry::cry: It is killing me inside to read your posts, I know exactly what you are going through . I hope you come to the best choice for yourself. I am praying for you and sending positive thoughts for strength. XOXOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## yazoo

Thinking of you hun. :hugs::hugs:


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## duckytwins

Thank you girls. today is a little better. My mom invited me over to help her with a Polish dish she makes every year on Christmas. She has her Christmas dinner the weekend before Christmas every year. So we spent the morning together. My dad had a half day of work and they are taking me out for lunch then home. My dr should be calling today and that will be hard. But at least that means this can finally start and the healing process can begin. Right now I just feel stuck waiting.


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## duckytwins

Her name is Tessa Jean and we will be losing her next week. My world just ended...


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## SarahJane

Words cannot express how sorry I am for the loss of your precious girl Tessa Jean. :cry:

Holding your hand and sending massive cyber hugs and lots of love xo


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## mhazzab

I'm so sorry. What a beautiful name you have chosen for her xx


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## Vickieh1981

I'm so sorry. What a heartwrenching decision you are having to go through. Tessa Jean has a beautiful name xx


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## Bride2b

Wow Tessa Jean,how beautiful xxx

Thinking of you right now & just hope I can send you strength to get through next week. I'm so truly sorry xxx


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## duckytwins

Dear Tessa, I can say that I love you with all my heart, but you know that. I can say that I will miss you dearly, but you know that too. I will never be the same person again knowing I had you for a short time but you were taken away. I just pray you will find peace and comfort in your new home in heaven and ask that you watch after us as we heal. I want to know that you are not suffering or in any pain. I need to know that you are happy where you will be free from this horrible thing that has happened to you. 

Tessa, you were never meant to be mine and I do understand that, but I wanted you so badly. I wanted my little girl to complete our family. I love you, sweet baby girl. I will never forget you were almost mine. My arms will forever ache with the longing to hold you, but my heart will never let you go. 

Dear sweet baby girl, go home to heaven and live eternally at peace. You deserve all the happiness this world could not give you. I love you more than I could ever express and I will miss you more than you will ever know. 


Goodbye, Tess. Sleep well, my darling.

Fly away home now, my sweet angel. 
Love always and forever,
Your Mommy


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## mhazzab

What beautiful words to your precious little girl.
I truly believe that our angels will look after her for you until you can be with her again xxx


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## OliveBay

Ducky, thinking of you lots through this difficult time. Tessa Jean is a beautiful name. Sending you lots of love :hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Sending you, your partner, your gorgeous boys and Tessa Jean all my love. I'm so sorry honey, my heart breaks for you. Your words for her are beautiful. Will be thinking of you xxx


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## SarahJane

Beautiful words for your little girl. 

She will never ever leave your heart. Evelyn sits in mine and helps me cope when times get really hard.

Thinking of you lots :hugs:


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## duckytwins

thank you everyone. i am having more and more anxiety as wednesday comes closer. i can't believe my pregnancy will be over and i won't get to bring home a baby. :cry:


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## mhazzab

It really is awful for you, especially having so much time to think in the lead up to it. With me I went into premature labour and two days later they were gone so the physical part was over relatively quickly. I hope it all goes as smoothly as it can for you please keep us updated xxx


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## duckytwins

yes, it feels like i'm stuck in some kind of hell. by the time the physical part is over, it will have been 2 weeks from when we found out there was a problem. it's been 2 weeks of having to think about everything too much, get more and more upset and have to say goodbye over and over again.


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## Garnet

Duckytwins'
I know how hard it is waiting! It is like you are in hole of despair. We had the d&e done on Friday and it still hard to believe you aren't pregant anymore. :cry: hope your time goes quicker. Garnet


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## duckytwins

Garnet how are you feeling?


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## kiki04

My heart aches for your family and I am so sorry you are living this nightmare :cry: Your letter to Tessa is beautiful and brought tears to my eyes...she has a beautiful name :cloud9:


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## duckytwins

thank you kiki


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## Garnet

duckytwins said:


> Garnet how are you feeling?

I feel good physically but not mentally. I haven't been able to face people without crying. This Christmas is not going to be too fun. For some reason I want a drink and I rarely drink. It pretty sad but the whole procedure only takes 20 min to do. We were almost 18 weeks. I have two other kids that I have to make a happy this Christmas. My faith has also been shaken to the core. I am sorry for everyone who has to go through this.:flower:


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## duckytwins

Garnet, I feel very similar. Christmas will be so hard. We still have the boys to think about too. I was told our procedure will take 4 hours and I'm afraid of the recovery time. I hope I will feel okay physically to even go to Christmas. Ive never been so scared in my life. I almost feel like I want the procedure to be over so we can start healing, but I am dreading it. 

Not to mention I am still having pregnancy symptoms and I know I won't be pg anymore soon. How do you wrap your head around that? I keep saying this and I know it won't fix anything, but it is all so unfair


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## mommyof_4

Hi duckytwins, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am currently 15 weeks pg, and found out my baby died. I am anxiously waiting the miscarriage to come. I will be passing the baby right around Christmas. I too have so much anxiety, I know your situation is different, but the anxiety of waiting for the physical part to be over so we can recover emotionally is so hard! This isn't fair, and it sucks we are going through this!


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## Andypanda6570

duckytwins said:


> Garnet, I feel very similar. Christmas will be so hard. We still have the boys to think about too. I was told our procedure will take 4 hours and I'm afraid of the recovery time. I hope I will feel okay physically to even go to Christmas. Ive never been so scared in my life. I almost feel like I want the procedure to be over so we can start healing, but I am dreading it.
> 
> Not to mention I am still having pregnancy symptoms and I know I won't be pg anymore soon. How do you wrap your head around that? I keep saying this and I know it won't fix anything, but it is all so unfair

:cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry: I am so sorry you are going through this also you Garnet, I know how devastating this is :cry::cry::cry::cry: It has been 9 months for me and i am just dreading Christmas ..I pray it is gentle on all of us.
Praying for you both XOXOOOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Garnet

duckytwins said:


> Garnet, I feel very similar. Christmas will be so hard. We still have the boys to think about too. I was told our procedure will take 4 hours and I'm afraid of the recovery time. I hope I will feel okay physically to even go to Christmas. Ive never been so scared in my life. I almost feel like I want the procedure to be over so we can start healing, but I am dreading it.
> 
> Not to mention I am still having pregnancy symptoms and I know I won't be pg anymore soon. How do you wrap your head around that? I keep saying this and I know it won't fix anything, but it is all so unfair

Duckytwins,
What takes so long is the prep and recovery. I had to wait for almost 4 hours for the Doctor to get to the hospital. I felt good physically after the procedure cause they knock you out... I'm the type of person that is ready to go home as soon as possible. You have to take a easy for couple of days. My doctor gave me medicine to slow down the bleeding and antibotics to prevent infection. I feel better today... Emotionally I'm not there but I'm going to be a put on my best face today and go out into this big wide world... Garnet..


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## peacebaby

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

Duckytwins, praying that the procedure goes smoothly. 

To both of you, may your sweet angel babies watch over you and give you the inner strength.

Garnet you are one strong lady, blessed be!


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## duckytwins

I'll be having my D&E tomorrow instead of Wednesday because the appointment they made for me on wednesday was at an abortion clinic!!! When they called to change my appointment they told DH there are protesters outside the clinic. I've been through enough in the last two weeks, I don't need to be damned to hell by strangers for having to terminate a wanted pregnancy!!! When they said that I cried and was so thankful they changed my appointment. 

I just came back from having the lamineria put in. I am in so much pain! It hurt so bad! I'll go in tomorrow morning and have the procedure done and then it will be over. I only have a few hours left to say goodbye to Tessa. It's breaking my heart all over again. :cry:


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## mhazzab

I'm so sorry. I'm glad they Were smart enough to realise how hard this is for you anyway without having to face protestors that would have been awful for you. I'm sorry it's given you a bit less time to say goodbye though.

I will be thinking of you and Tessa today please update us when you feel well enough xxx


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## Hellylou

duckytwins said:


> I'll be having my D&E tomorrow instead of Wednesday because the appointment they made for me on wednesday was at an abortion clinic!!! When they called to change my appointment they told DH there are protesters outside the clinic. I've been through enough in the last two weeks, I don't need to be damned to hell by strangers for having to terminate a wanted pregnancy!!! When they said that I cried and was so thankful they changed my appointment.
> 
> I just came back from having the lamineria put in. I am in so much pain! It hurt so bad! I'll go in tomorrow morning and have the procedure done and then it will be over. I only have a few hours left to say goodbye to Tessa. It's breaking my heart all over again. :cry:

Oh, that would have been unthinkable, I'm glad your appointment was moved to a better place.

Thinking of you today. There just aren't enough words to describe how devestating and tragic this is, and we are here for you. :hugs:


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## winterwonder

I am so sorry for what you are going through :hugs:


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## Garnet

duckytwins said:


> I'll be having my D&E tomorrow instead of Wednesday because the appointment they made for me on wednesday was at an abortion clinic!!! When they called to change my appointment they told DH there are protesters outside the clinic. I've been through enough in the last two weeks, I don't need to be damned to hell by strangers for having to terminate a wanted pregnancy!!! When they said that I cried and was so thankful they changed my appointment.
> 
> I just came back from having the lamineria put in. I am in so much pain! It hurt so bad! I'll go in tomorrow morning and have the procedure done and then it will be over. I only have a few hours left to say goodbye to Tessa. It's breaking my heart all over again. :cry:

Hope all goes well for you.. Shitty protesters don't realize that it is hard enough for people to do this...


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## dnlfinker

I am sorry for loosing your baby, for having to go through physical and emotional stages of d and e . I has to do it back in july and i can really relate. When you wake from anasthesia, you may be so glad that its over(the psin from lamarnia and etc), butthe day after that it all kicks in . Please be gntle to yourself and try to have as much support as possible. If you ever need to tslk, feel free to pm, we are here for you!


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## duckytwins

Rest in peace sweet Tessa Jean. Sleep well, my angel.

12.20.11- 12.20.11


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## kiki04

RIP sweet Angel :cloud9:


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## mhazzab

Our angels will look after Tessa for you until you see her again, just like we will look after you xx


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## vickytoria88

Im so sorry to hear your sad news. Just remember that it'll be looking down on you from heaven proud to of had you as its parents for that short time. R.I.P Little one.


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## amotherslove

i am so very sorry. she is now with all of our angels. :( what a terrible thing to happen for christmas..


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## SarahJane

duckytwins said:


> Rest in peace sweet Tessa Jean. Sleep well, my angel.
> 
> 12.20.11- 12.20.11

RIP beautiful Tessa

Gone but never forgotten and always here in mummy's heart:hugs:


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## duckytwins

https://i1220.photobucket.com/albums/dd453/duckytwins/Angelpoem.gif


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## babyfromgod

I am very sorry to hear of your loss xoxo


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## as.strong.as

I know how you feel I lost our twins 7 weeks ago and telling it to my son was so hard I showed him the sky one night and pointed at the bright stars and explain that max and booby were watching down on him as god wanted them for angels it's still hard now our son cuddles in to my belly and says I can't hear the babies no more mummy they up in the sky children accept so much easier then us I pray you find the strength in your sons to get you threw this sad time and I also pray for you xxx


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