# WANTING to be a single mummy..



## mBLACK

Was thinking about my future with my LO & future babies I may or may not have (hopefully will though), and realized I LIKE being a single mom. I actually prefer it, and someday when I have more chilren I would rather raise them by myself. I am dating somebody right now, but even if our relashionship goes far I don't ever see him 'parenting' my LO.


I know it's selfish, but it just seems that you have to depend on yourself & only yourself just incase.
Is there anybody out there who shares my feelings?


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## stacyjune

Hey there. I have practically brought my first child up as a single parent. I am currently expecting baby number 2 and my partner of 10 months is fantastic with my daughter. But......I must admit there are days i think i really would prefer to be alone with my children. My partner will make a good father but we do disagree on alot of things and i get days where i think OMG why can't he just go and leave me to it. 
My partner is my mr right so deep down i know i wouldn't ever let things go so far as to let him leave. I really do hope you find the right one and you change your mind on wanting to be a single parent. It can be very lonely and sometimes you need a minute to yourself so being single can have it's disadvantages too.
Good luck


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## Serene123

I'm not even a single parent (yet) and I do wish I was sometimes.. :rofl:

I feel like one. He is never here.


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## ryder

I dont think i'd ever want to be a single mom... lol... I was brought up with only my mom and it was horrible. We never had money, I never saw her because she constantly was working to be able to afford to pay the bills and buy us food. 

The worst part, on top of not having my mom around as much as I should have... Was not having a dad. It really (to this day) makes me feel like a big part of my life is missing and was missing throughout childhood. There are so many important things for little girls and boys to get from their dads. 

I can understand the feelings you get when you have disagreements on parenting and stuff. But the key is finding someone who has similiar views, or who will compromise with you.


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## Holldoll

I completely agree with Ryder! My dad died when I was 9 and there are so many things I feel like I missed out on in not having a father. God forbid anything should happen to my relationship with DH, I KNOW he would always be a part of Bella's life. I think it's SO important!


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## BurtonBaby

Honestly I agree with Holly and Ryder. My parents divorced when I was 6 years old. My dad showed up when he felt like it for visits, never paid child support, and to this day walks in and out of my life when it is convenient for him. I know this is cliche but I have "daddy issues" still, and have a very hard time opening up to men at all. I've learned to trust my dh and know that he loves me, but I swear sometimes I am still scared that he is gonna walk out that door. But I also know that if something were to happen between DH and I, he would still be a great father. He had an absent father as well, and wants to be better than that. 

Now I also agree tho, I would rather raise Erica on my own than with someone who wasn't loving toward her or myself. I know that kids pick up on things and when the parents are unhappy, they can tell. I know sometimes men can be a pain when it comes to the kids... They aren't with them all day and dont understand what we go through. They dont know how to do things our way, and usually dont do them when we want them done, but I guess we kinda just deal with it.


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## mBLACK

BurtonBaby said:


> I know this is cliche but I have "daddy issues" still, and have a very hard time opening up to men at all. I've learned to trust my dh and know that he loves me, but I swear sometimes I am still scared that he is gonna walk out that door. it.

Same, I think that is why I'm so afraid of NOT being a single parent. I have serious problems opening up to men since my father hasn't been around my entire life.


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## starbucks101

mBlack, i completly get where you are comming from, Ive been single since the day i found out i was pregnant, i dont get any help or support from E's dad, and i feel for her. Every child deserves their superhero daddy. But, If i get pregnant again i would rather go it alone, i would wat a dad that will be there for the child & support them 24/7 but not nessicarly us being together. 

I recently spilt up with my new partner because he kept doing things with my daughter even thought i told him not too and told me i was stupid constantly that i worried to much about her! 

Well he was swiftly shown the door lol 

That is why i want to be a single mum when i have more children.


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## Jayden'sMummy

i agree Mblack, even though sometimes its kinda lonely you no what i mean haha but ye being a single mummy is best. i watched my mum bring me + my brother + sister up on her own and it shows how much of a strong independent woman she is (no offence to those with OH, DH, DF etc.) yeh shes had boyfriends and stuff but we always end up just being mum + kids and its way better and i know exactly how it is because i feel i cope much more with Jayden when i am not concentrating on lads :D xx


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## nightkd

I agree with the feelings of just wanting to get on with it on your own. When I was in secondary school I didn't think anyone would ever want to be with me (serious self image issues) so I decided I'd have a baby with SOMEONE that I trusted, but wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me, so I could just raise the baby on my own.

I don't see my OH being a 'daddy' or the sort of father I'd want him to be, I'm seriously hoping he'll mature and surprise me, but I've told him if we do have a baby and he goes all miserable and depressive I don't want him around. I'd rather get on with it on my own, rather than having to look after a baby, myself AND him in his silly little strops.

I'd prefer to have OH because he can help support us so I get to spend more time with my LO, but at the same time I think I could cope better without him.


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## brownhairedmom

If for some reason I DO decide to have another baby, I don't think I'll be doing it alone. This pregnancy has just been way too stressful and emotional and rough...and now I have to look forward to dealing with a crying newborn by myself with nobody to help either.

So although I do understand in some ways, I won't be doing it again just for those facts I stated above.


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## leeanne

I have a question. No offense here but I've read the comments and I am a tad shocked.

Single parenting isn't easy. Sure, you have a baby now but they don't get any easier as they grow up...trust me. 

But my question is, if you want to be a single mom, how are you going to do this? Will you talk to the guy and ask him to father your child but not strings attached? Will you just sleep with someone and hope to get pregnant?


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## leeanne

Sorry, but have to add a bit here.

My OH has two exes and kids from both of them that are 6 months apart. These exes tried to manipulate Dan to marry him or not lose him. Yes, he is a good catch.

So, amazing that they got pregnant after the relationship failed with him...but never pregnant when he was in a relationship with him.

He's an amazing dad. But no one realizes what this does to a man. No one realizes how it affects his future relationships, how it affects his finances, how it affects his life.


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## starbucks101

leeanne said:


> I have a question. No offense here but I've read the comments and I am a tad shocked.
> 
> Single parenting isn't easy. Sure, you have a baby now but they don't get any easier as they grow up...trust me.
> 
> But my question is, if you want to be a single mom, how are you going to do this? Will you talk to the guy and ask him to father your child but not strings attached? Will you just sleep with someone and hope to get pregnant?


I dont agree with anyone sleeping around to get pregnant that in itself carries alot of health risks! 

However what if for instance you know a gay man/couple who cant have children... It takes a long time to adopt but would be fantastic parents. Would it be out of the realms of oppurtunity to have a baby with one of them? 50/50 custody access etc... 


I no a guy in his late 20's we are really mates, he wants to have a child & would be a fantastic dad but does not feel he wants to be in relationship with somebody & is looking to adopt?! 

I would love given the oppurtunity to mother his child & share the responsibilties with him, his job requires him to spend alot of time out of the country so it would be difficult for him to adopt. 

Sperm Donation whatever route you wanted to go down is upto the individual.


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## ryder

Kind of also wondering the same as Leanne... Do any of you live on your own now (as opposed to with your parents).. I do not mean any of these questions in an offensive way either. But living in your own house or apartment and paying bills, supporting another person etc is very expensive. 

My OH and I both have good paying jobs, a small house only and even we find it difficult sometimes. 

I cant imagine having to put myself through school, pay for living and be a single mother. I cant imagine not have gone to school and be working min wage and paying for living and being a single mom either. It would be hell. It was hell, I was a product of a single mother (my dad died, it was not her choice). 

I just cant imagine putting my little girl through what I went through. The emotional stress, being alone alot, not going on family outtings etc..


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## Younglutonmum

I genuinely enjoy bringing Maya up on my own but I think that's to do with the fact that her 'dad' (I use the term loosely) is a total idiot & waste of space. There is no way i'd want someone like him bringing her up with me.

I hope however that my future finds me with a decent man, who will take the role of Mayas daddy & be willing to TTC with me. I definitely do not wish to go through another pregnancy on my own nor bring up Maya on my own for the rest of my life.

I just want my fairytale ending


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## starbucks101

ryder said:


> Kind of also wondering the same as Leanne... Do any of you live on your own now (as opposed to with your parents).. I do not mean any of these questions in an offensive way either. But living in your own house or apartment and paying bills, supporting another person etc is very expensive.
> 
> My OH and I both have good paying jobs, a small house only and even we find it difficult sometimes.
> 
> I cant imagine having to put myself through school, pay for living and be a single mother. I cant imagine not have gone to school and be working min wage and paying for living and being a single mom either. It would be hell. It was hell, I was a product of a single mother (my dad died, it was not her choice).
> 
> I just cant imagine putting my little girl through what I went through. The emotional stress, being alone alot, not going on family outtings etc..


I live on my own, im a small crummy flat that i rent at the moment, i am hoping to move when the lease is up here to somewhere nicer. I go back to work in feb, and i will be better off & have more free time than being with a partner. 

I will also be able to afford a bigger house & hopefully be able to become a foster carer. 

Family outings as you said doesnt need to cost much... i might not be able to take E to theme parks 5 times a year but what does it cost to go to the beach for fish and chips and chuck some 2p's into the amusements... 

Family outings dont have to cost money.. so yes i can go on as many as any family. just because im a single mum doesnt mean that emily will have a worse upbringing than in a 2 parent family. 

Yes its lonely being a single parent & it is bloody hard to study work and have quality time with your children. But we do because we have to. 2 parent families do it because they have to aswell. 

You shouldnt look down on single parents because its harder for them to achieve their goals & be good parents. You should look up to them because most single parents achieve more in their lifetime than 2 parents families do.


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## Wobbles

I think the whole point that Leeanne & Ryder were voicing has been totally turned around! "You shouldnt look down on single parents" I don't think that was happening at all! :shock:

There is no mention of adoption or fostering in this thread ...total twist in quotes.


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## Wobbles

So tell me ..... I'm simply curious

How do _you _girls who want more children and plan on being single parents to the unborn or even existing child plam/want to concieve your child?


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## Younglutonmum

Wobbles said:


> So tell me ..... I'm simply curious
> 
> How do _you _girls who want more children and plan on being single parents to the unborn or even existing child plam/want to concieve your child?

I'm certainly not planning on having more children as a single mum but if I did want to go down this route again as some people on here would like then surely I could use sperm donantion? I don't know the rules on it so feel free to correct me if i'm wrong 

I'm certainly not a believer that every child needs 2 parents or a dad 

A single mum or dad can be just as successful as a 2 parent family


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## Wobbles

> I'm certainly not a believer that every child needs 2 parents or a dad
> 
> A single mum or dad can be just as successful as a 2 parent family

Would agree or disagree - didn't say that either :D Only confirming as you quoted me ;)


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## clairebear

Younglutonmum said:


> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> So tell me ..... I'm simply curious
> 
> How do _you _girls who want more children and plan on being single parents to the unborn or even existing child plam/want to concieve your child?
> 
> I'm certainly not planning on having more children as a single mum but if I did want to go down this route again as some people on here would like then surely I could use sperm donantion? I don't know the rules on it so feel free to correct me if i'm wrong
> 
> I'm certainly not a believer that every child needs 2 parents or a dad
> 
> A single mum or dad can be just as successful as a 2 parent familyClick to expand...


i think wobbs is just saying how would u go about having another baby if u want to still be a single mum??? (not aimed at anyone)


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## brownhairedmom

If, for some reason (this is VERY hypothetical) I decided that I suddenly had this undying urge to have another baby, but didn't want a relationship...I have a friend that I have been best best friends with for 10 years and would feel entirely confident that he would make a great father. I know he'd do this as well because we've actually "hypothetically" discussed it. I'd find some way, whether through sleeping together (although that would be weird) or some other method to make it work.

ALTHOUGH...that wouldn't be really single parenting, would it? I mean, he would obviously still be part of it. He's already practically adopted this baby as his own, he's just as excited as I am.

I don't agree with single parenting as a choice. At all.


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## Wobbles

Sprem donors, IVF, same sex couples etc and alike I see no problem with

2 people who both consent & know what hey are doing I see no problem with

Having unprotected sex with 'if it does in mind' with someone you will not stay with or intentionally unprotected with 'hope' is WRONG. Your taking the blokes right to be father away from him imo. Mistakes happen takes 2 etc but I'm referring to those who keep their mouth shut and know exactly what they are doing/what they are planning. No right to do that to the man or the potential unborn child.

Sorry but it's been bothering me lol I'd have loved a family unit as a child and I wouldn't say a single parent or a coupled family is better or worse you make life as it happens but as I say that kind of plan is wrong.

I'm not suggesting someone here plans this I think thats why the question of 'how...?' came up.


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## Tezzy

sometimes i feel like a single mum, my husband works a lot and is away most of the time and i like it usually. i do what i want to with the kids, i plan their day and know exactly what they need and when. when colin is home he tends to screw that up!

but then i would never want my kids not to have a dad either


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## starbucks101

Wobbles said:


> I think the whole point that Leeanne & Ryder were voicing has been totally turned around! "You shouldnt look down on single parents" I don't think that was happening at all! :shock:
> 
> There is no mention of adoption or fostering in this thread ...total twist in quotes.


No no, sorry i didnt mean they were looking down on single parents! i meant in general... It was not aimed directly at leeanne or Ryder! :dohh: Apologies girls!


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## starbucks101

I wouldnt chose single parenthood as in that it was just me with no father in the picture.. such as sperm donation. 

However i also have "hypothetically" discussed having a baby with a friend of mine, his partner cannot have children & is alot older than us with a grown up son & doesnt want anymore children but he does want children. 

I also have another friend that i would love to have a baby with. Both of these lads would be absolutly fantastic fathers & if they asked me i would agree without hesitation... 

I would never sleep around on the "hope" i got pregnant & women that do that are very silly.. The health risks and its not fair on the father either. 

I'm very pro-father so i wouldnt want to have a child with someone who was going to turn out to be a crud parent. have made that mistake once already lol! :hissy:


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## ryder

starbucks101 said:


> ryder said:
> 
> 
> Kind of also wondering the same as Leanne... Do any of you live on your own now (as opposed to with your parents).. I do not mean any of these questions in an offensive way either. But living in your own house or apartment and paying bills, supporting another person etc is very expensive.
> 
> My OH and I both have good paying jobs, a small house only and even we find it difficult sometimes.
> 
> I cant imagine having to put myself through school, pay for living and be a single mother. I cant imagine not have gone to school and be working min wage and paying for living and being a single mom either. It would be hell. It was hell, I was a product of a single mother (my dad died, it was not her choice).
> 
> I just cant imagine putting my little girl through what I went through. The emotional stress, being alone alot, not going on family outtings etc..
> 
> 
> I live on my own, im a small crummy flat that i rent at the moment, i am hoping to move when the lease is up here to somewhere nicer. I go back to work in feb, and i will be better off & have more free time than being with a partner.
> 
> I will also be able to afford a bigger house & hopefully be able to become a foster carer.
> 
> Family outings as you said doesnt need to cost much... i might not be able to take E to theme parks 5 times a year but what does it cost to go to the beach for fish and chips and chuck some 2p's into the amusements...
> 
> Family outings dont have to cost money.. so yes i can go on as many as any family. just because im a single mum doesnt mean that emily will have a worse upbringing than in a 2 parent family.
> 
> Yes its lonely being a single parent & it is bloody hard to study work and have quality time with your children. But we do because we have to. 2 parent families do it because they have to aswell.
> 
> You shouldnt look down on single parents because its harder for them to achieve their goals & be good parents. You should look up to them because most single parents achieve more in their lifetime than 2 parents families do.Click to expand...

I wasn't looking down on single parents at all. I was simply questioning some motives because I have been the child of a single mother. I know the feelings and the life that many single children go through. 

Yes, my mother had to work extremely hard after my father died when I was 4. She had to work 2 jobs, we couldn't afford anything (not that material things should matter) we couldnt afford tons of good food. 

It took her into my highschool years for her to finally get through college and get a decent job. And by then im afraid it was too late. 

My point was, through all the hard work my mom did, I have very little family memories. Because I was alone, as soon as I didn't need a babysitter, I stayed home alone. I ate alone, I did homework alone. I missed having a father alone. I didn't get to go out on alot of school trips, I didnt get to go out with friends alot to the movies, or go shopping alot. 

We did manage to do a few things... but my childhood is not one I would wish on any child if it can be helped. 

One of the biggest things I miss is having a dad :( No one is going to walk me down the aisle, no one was there when I was a kid like dads are. Its very sad.


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## Holldoll

[/QUOTE]

One of the biggest things I miss is having a dad :( No one is going to walk me down the aisle, no one was there when I was a kid like dads are. Its very sad.[/QUOTE]

We never wanted for anything as children. My mom was a school teacher and supported us and we got Social Security benefits from my dad, but I agree (can you believe I'm agreeing with you Ryder? ;) ) it's VERY sad not to have a dad. It makes me sad for Bella now. She doesn't have a grandfather. That's such a great relationship to miss out on. It made me sad that my brother, whom I love dearly, had to be the one to walk me down the aisle. I never got daddy daughter dates. I never had that relationship. I shouldn't say never, that relationship ended early for me. I would never wish a single mom on any child.

It's not bad having a man involved with raising your children if you have a great man. Bella has the best dad a girl could ever ask for. He's helpful, loves her dearly, spoils her, follows my lead in her care. There are great guys out there that makes WONDERFUL fathers!


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## leeanne

Wobbles said:


> Sprem donors, IVF, same sex couples etc and alike I see no problem with
> 
> 2 people who both consent & know what hey are doing I see no problem with
> 
> Having unprotected sex with 'if it does in mind' with someone you will not stay with or intentionally unprotected with 'hope' is WRONG. Your taking the blokes right to be father away from him imo. Mistakes happen takes 2 etc but I'm referring to those who keep their mouth shut and know exactly what they are doing/what they are planning. No right to do that to the man or the potential unborn child.
> 
> Sorry but it's been bothering me lol I'd have loved a family unit as a child and I wouldn't say a single parent or a coupled family is better or worse you make life as it happens but as I say that kind of plan is wrong.
> 
> I'm not suggesting someone here plans this I think thats why the question of 'how...?' came up.



I agree with your post Wobbles!

One other thing, I too was brought up solely by my mom and she did a damn good job. Quite honestly, I can't say I missed a father figure at all and knowing and meeting my real dad made me realize that I wouldn't have missed much. LOL

However, what I did miss out on is the normal childhood life. I was not allowed to go to shows or movies on a weekend do to no money. I was picked on for having hand me down clothes or for not having the stylish clothes. I was stressed about money at an early age and that should be something that no child should worry about. I grew up fast because of that.

I was separated from Dan for 5 months when Jayden was born. I did get a taste of single parent life with a newborn baby and an 18 month old daughter and it was not easy. Apartments were expensive (even the one bedroom one that I had), it was hard to make ends meet each month, and I worried about food and feeding my kids. I hate to see if I had to do it now because my kids are older and clothes etc. are even more expensive.

Being together as a family with a mom and dad in the house is easier. It's easier when it comes to discipline too. My kids are around me all day long so they know how to play me....but when Dad says no, the games stop. 

What about the attention? Hard to give attention to two or more children when there is only one parent. At least with two parents, the attention can be divided.

Seriously, a lot to think about and I hope that in the end all of you make a decision that will make you and your children happy.


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## nikky0907

Well,my daughter is 2 days old so I can't say whether I like it or not :lol:
So far,everything is perfect...

But I am very grateful that she has a father.

If I ever do decide to have another baby,I'd have to be in a stable relationship or married.Wouldn't do it any other way,no matter how much I'd like single parenthood.
Because I know what my child would like more and thats a two-parent home...


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## Mervs Mum

I wouldnt WANT to be a single Mum again but I'm not afraid to be either. Certainly not enough to stay in a bad relationship. I think to sugest that all single parents cant give their kids a great life is a sweeping generalisation too. I was a single mum from my DD being aged just over 2 for about 8 yrs. She certainly hasnt missed out on anything. She's had everything she needs in terms of my time - yes I worked full time but I think I would have even if I was still married. She's had everything possible materially (not that material things are most important) - she's had a private education and has never missed out on anything. She has a wonderful extended family in my sister and parents. She's had all the love, support and oppertunities many children with 2 parents could only dream of. I think that there's a huge difference in the circumstances leading to being a single Mum - when someone dies is totally different to when a relationship fails.

The issue of intentionally becoming a single Mum is the worrying part - I'd like to think that a life is created with both party's consent ie. donors, friends etc. To get pregnant to some unsuspecting man is to violate them completely. Not good. :(

I'd like to think that the single Mum's here who are happy with how things are, are basically saying that they feel they are doing a good job despite everything that may have been thrown at them - more power to you girls.


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## Younglutonmum

clairebear said:


> Younglutonmum said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Wobbles said:
> 
> 
> So tell me ..... I'm simply curious
> 
> How do _you _girls who want more children and plan on being single parents to the unborn or even existing child plam/want to concieve your child?
> 
> I'm certainly not planning on having more children as a single mum but if I did want to go down this route again as some people on here would like then surely I could use sperm donantion? I don't know the rules on it so feel free to correct me if i'm wrong
> 
> I'm certainly not a believer that every child needs 2 parents or a dad
> 
> A single mum or dad can be just as successful as a 2 parent familyClick to expand...
> 
> 
> i think wobbs is just saying how would u go about having another baby if u want to still be a single mum??? (not aimed at anyone)Click to expand...

Oh I know :)

I just wanted to answer as i'm a single mum & as I said I would use sperm donation

I defo dont want to go down this route tho. I needs me a man :rofl:


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## Wobbles

Oh I dunno now I see some sense in it ....Men piss me off ;) :lol:

*Hopes he misses this one* lol


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## ryder

Mervs mum, your daughter sounds very lucky! Not alot of stuations turn out that way though :( 

I just get concerned hearing some comments that younger girls make about intentionally being a single mom.


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## Younglutonmum

Wobbles said:


> Oh I dunno now I see some sense in it ....Men piss me off ;) :lol:
> 
> *Hopes he misses this one* lol

Lmao I think I just need a man for certain needs that's all ;)


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## Younglutonmum

ryder said:


> Mervs mum, your daughter sounds very lucky! Not alot of stuations turn out that way though :(
> 
> I just get concerned hearing some comments that younger girls make about intentionally being a single mom.

I know what you mean Ryder, it sure isnt easy!!!


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## Mervs Mum

ryder said:


> Mervs mum, your daughter sounds very lucky! Not alot of stuations turn out that way though :(
> 
> I just get concerned hearing some comments that younger girls make about intentionally being a single mom.


I totally agree Ryder. It is a massive worry when women talk about doing it intentionally. I just wouldnt want any women out there to assume that being a single parent has to be all doom and gloom and your kids are destined to a terrible childhood with out a father. Especially if that meant that they'd rather stay in a crap relationship than try to go it alone. Dont get me wrong, I had some very tough times especially emotionally when I was on my own but I look back and I'm glad I decided I was better off on my own.

:)


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