# To Any BNB member Who has suffered a Miscarriage at Over 35



## LucindaE

Hello, Lovely Ladies! :hugs: to any of you who are feeling very bereft and downhearted now.

I hope you don't mind me intruding here to say that I think a lot of information about the chances of conception and the chances of conveiving easily after miscarriage in women over 35 are unduly pessimistic.

Some medical people - not all of them- do seem to take a very negative view about 'old eggs' and I heard quite a lot of that when I suffered a miscarriage at one month under the age of forty, particularly from some - again not all - of the nurses who seem to take overall a more dismal view to the doctors about fertility in older mothers.

After suffering the sadness of having a missed miscarriage - it had taken five cycles to conceive - I conceived my daughter - now school aged - the next month, around the time of my fortieth birthday. :thumbup:Do not believe all the 'older woman are so infertile' arguements. I am just one of many I have encountered. 


All Good Luck to You All:flower:


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## truly_blessed

thanks for your story Lucinda. I was pregnant with my first at age 39 but I found out at the 12 week scan it was a blighted ovum and didn't develop past 5 weeks. I spent my 40th recovering from the D&C (although I was in New York so it kind of makes up for it a bit). The D&C was 23rd nov and I'm just having first (very painful) AF now. I'm hoping to start TTC in march so your story gives me hope .x


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## Hoolie

I had my first child at 36. Everything went okay and she is a healthy 3 year old. I'm now 39 and lost a baby in July/August. We started trying straight after first my period and we conceived first month of trying and am now 15 weeks pregnant (fingers crossed). 



Alex


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## Rumpskin

I am 38 and have had 3. We have our first referral for recurrent miscarriage on 27th of this month xxx


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## lauraperrysan

just wanted to say dont let dr's make you think it is just your age....i'm only 22 and i have had 5 miscarriages in the last 2 years. it can be due to plently of other things than just age. 
this country doesn't really know when it wants women to reproduce. Looked down on for being a young mother and then made to feel your too old....when is right mr govenment lol xxxx


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## Hoolie

I ada conversation at my MW appointment about have a tubal ligation at the same time as my Ceassearian section if I opt for a cesearian this time round. The midwife advised against it as she said that circumstances can chnage your mind. I pointed out to her my age and she said that the oldest mother she had cared for was 57 years old and she had a beautiful healthy little girl.

She was a fab MW and I won't be opting for a ligation after our conversation.

Alex


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## LucindaE

Rumpskin said:


> I am 38 and have had 3. We have our first referral for recurrent miscarriage on 27th of this month xxx

So sorry, Rumpskin - that is tough. Don't give up believing that it will all come right for you. :hugs: to you, if you will accept them.

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. Glad if I have made anyone feel more positive. Yes, medical people can be disapproving if they think you are not the perfect age, according to their rules either too young or too old. 
Miscarriage may be common, but it is so bitter and disappointing when it happens. 

As many :baby::baby::baby: to all of you as you wish in the future! 

XXX to you all.
Lucinda


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## tiggerlix

im 35 and pregnant..my m/w didnt seem that concerned about my age,she was more concerned with change of partner;)


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## fluffyblue

im 37 and have had 6 losses - 5 MC and 1 ectopic since i was 35! 

The eqq quality does start depleting after a certain age however this does not cause miscarriage it just may take longer to conceive !!

My last appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic I asked about my age and she told me 60% of the women registered with the clinic are over 35. I do think there is some attribute to age however I would never class it as a cause !!

thanks for your info xxx


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## truly_blessed

ah Heather so 40% are under 35 and still registered with the clinic. my glass is well and truly half full, literally tonight x :wine:


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## fluffyblue

truly_blessed said:


> ah Heather so 40% are under 35 and still registered with the clinic. my glass is well and truly half full, literally tonight x :wine:

I think becuase at my RMC they accept women who have had 2 losses if they are over 35 so i think there is always going to be a higher ratio of older ladies !

And mines full of stella lol !:thumbup:


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## SmileyShazza

Thanks for posting this. When I suffered our missed miscarriage my immediate thought was that at 35 it was due to some kind of problem with my eggs and that all the stories I had read and seen on the news about it being harder over the age of 35 to conceive were tru.

When we went to the hospital to complete the forms for my D & C I asked the midwife who we saw about it as I was concerned and she said at 35 I was still a spring chicken and that they have lots of women over 40 who have babies. 

Personally I was not in a position before now where I felt I wanted to bring a child into the world. I do think that sometimes the government scare people into having children before they really want to because of all these stories you read and hear.

I have come to the conclusion now that our mmc could have not been anything to do with my age at all, at the end of the day we will probably never know what caused it but all we can do is think positively and try again. Hopefully next time our bean will be a strong healthy and sticky one.

Good luck to all the ladies out there who are over 35 and TTC. I'm sending you all a sprinkling of :dust: but if you don't mind I have kept a little back for us too :winkwink:


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## truly_blessed

ah Shazza, here's some of mine for you too hun. :dust: I'm relying on you getting BFP before me to keep me going whilst I'm waiting xx


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## sue247

I am 36 and i do worry that i have left it too late! I had my first at 33 and got pregnant easily. Now i am 36 it took ages to get pregnant and then i have a MMC. Although I hear that mc happens to women of all ages I do worry that my eggs are old and therefore there is a higher chance that there will be somehing wrong with them! On the other hand i know many women older than me who conceived and had no problems at all in their pregnancy. Hoping that this is our year!


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## MrsJD

I'm 39 and have been pregnant 6 times since May 2008. My old eggs can conceive but I had natural killer cells so they killed my babies.

I'm lucky to have received private treatment and I'm now 21 weeks pregnant!

X


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## LucindaE

Thank you all you lovely ladies who contributed to the thread about miscarriage and pessimism amonst medical people about the fertility of woman tottering along at the advanced age of 35+.

Best of luck Sue247, Mrs JD, LauraPerrysan, Trulyblessed, Fluffyblue, SmileyShazza and everyone. Sorry if I have missed any names out, I scrawled on a piece of paper, but my handwriting is terrible! My thoughts are with you all. :thumbup: Some of you have had several miscarriages and I thought that one was upsetting enough. You deserve every success this year after what you have been through, ladies.

I'm not saying that medical staff intend to be discouraging or hurtful - they undoubtedly believe that they are advising women in everyone's best interests. :shrug: 

As you have said, many of them are far from negative anyway- but there do seem to have been a lot of scare stories in the media over the last few months which I thought might have made some women feel discouraged, so I wanted to point out that all is not gloom and doom.

Best of luck in your baby making plans for 2010!

XX Lucinda :flower:


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## Livia

Count me in, as I'm 36... Once having read too many "age warnings" I looked up statistics... the Australians ones were quite nice. Plenty of mothers over 35 and quite a lot over 40. If all those people could make it so could we! :)


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## WannaB

Im nearly 42 and my old eggs are still conceiving, twice in four cycles, mc'ed the last in December and just out now on the 5th cycle, if I keep my average up I will be preggers again this cycle!:haha: Yes they still work, I may need a bit of tweaking to help them stay there, but I am still very optimistic!:hugs:


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## LucindaE

That is the way to think, Wannabe! You are obviously still one fertile lady. I am sure that having a relaxed attitude helps. I am sorry about the m/c. The best of luck for this cycle and sending you :dust: for the New Year.

Best Wishes

Lucinda XX


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## LucindaE

LucindaE said:


> That is the way to think, WannaBe! I am sure that feeling relaxed about it helps. You are still obviously one fertile lady. I am sorry to hear about the m/c. The best of luck for this cycle.:dust::dust::dust: for you!!!
> 
> XX
> Lucinda


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## WannaB

The funniest thing though, I try to keep a sense of humour so I apologise if this seems strange to people, was when I was at the hospital for seven long hours mcing the last they kept asking me was this IVF!!! Obiously they thought it would have had to be an assisted conception at my age, the u/s guy even asking was this planned?! :rofl: I will enjoy going back there to give birth at the rip old age of nearly 43!


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## Kitkat09

Well, I'm 44, DH is 42 and we're trying for #1. As stubborn as both of us are, I'm pretty sure we've got quite a few sperm and eggs with the exact same determination.


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## hopeful 39er

I am 39 and had a mmc in september. I was just over 6 wks when the hb stopped and had the d&c at 8 weeks. I got my af again 5 weeks later. After 3 cycles I am pregnant again!!! I hope this one sticks. I think there is hope. My friend had her first child at 41. She was not on any form of bc for years and never got pregnant. When she was 40 she finally got pregnant and had a healthy boy. He is 6 now! My friend at work just got pregnant at 44 and had a healthy girl and another friend at 42.


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## LucindaE

It is great to hear from so many ladies with a positive attitude. Best of luck to you all, and :dust: to you all too.

XX Lucinda


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## sar35

im 36 and this is my 1st loss!


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## QueenieMurphy

Thanks for this thread Lucinda, I've been feeling really down since my m/c, we'd tried for about two years and finally I fell pregnant(just before IVF was due to start) and then a m/c and I'm turning 35 in March. Have put IVF off for 6 months now to see if we can do it again naturally and just hope baby stays with us if we do. This has made me feel much more positive about still trying for first at 35!! Thank you.

And loads and loads of :dust::dust::dust::dust:for all of us. I hope 2010 is our year xxxx


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## hopeful 39er

I forgot to say last time. My Aunt was born in 1916....that is right 1916 and her mother was 49 (she had just had her b-day) was she gave birth to her. Can you believe it back then? They lived on a farm and this was her last child obviously. My Aunt is 94 and still doing great! ALL IS POSSIBLE PEOPLE....


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## Perdita

When I was in my 20's and into my early thirties I was trying to get pregnant with my husband - charting, OPKs, blood tests, scans, sperm counts etc etc and nothing and no reason found. Gave up on the idea and husband gave up on me. Rebound fling, one missed condom and that was it, 2 weeks later I had a weird feeling and even though my period wasn't even late did a test - bfp, so did 17 more, all positive, but took blood test and three scans to convince me! She was conceived after the night out for my 36th birthday! Sadly she was stillborn at 33+6 and still waiting to hear results of tests but fling and I are closer than thought possible after 6 days together in hospital waiting for the saddest events of our lives and are ready and willing to try again. It seems the problem wasn't with my fertility but maybe the combination of myself and husband just didn't work. I'm hopeful now that next time my care will be more considered and my concerns will be taken seriously and I - rather we - get to take home a much wanted baby.
xx


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## LucindaE

So sorry for your loss, Perdita -that and the losses of so many of you brave ladies makes my own one of one m/mc seem mild. Best of luck for you and fling in 2010, and a :baby: for everyone who has contributed to this thread. 

I am so glad that comments here have made QueenieMurphy and others feel more positive. 

Lucinda

XX


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## Livia

Thank you all for sharing their stories! :flower:

Perdita, thanks for the touching story. It must have been specially hard.

Looking forward to a special thread with all of you in the pregnancy after miscarriage section! :dust:


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## HappyJacky

I'm 42 and have just suffered my first MMC at 9 weeks. I was so excited as it was my first BFP, and the hospital staff acknowledged that, which was good. 

But now for the hopeful stuff.....:haha:

I'm 42 and concieved after 7 months trying -so am hopeful for a BFP in 2010.
My mum had me at 42.
My gran had her last child at 45.
My great-gran had her last child at 49.

So, that's 4 generations where the statistics and scare mongering don't match! :happydance:

:dust: to all of you TTC and :hug: to all.

Jx


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## Livia

Thanks for sharing! :) I also wondered about this, when I read the scaremongering stuff about age... Lots of people managed so no need to panic or give up :thumbup:


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## WannaB

HappyJacky said:


> I'm 42 and have just suffered my first MMC at 9 weeks. I was so excited as it was my first BFP, and the hospital staff acknowledged that, which was good.
> 
> But now for the hopeful stuff.....:haha:
> 
> I'm 42 and concieved after 7 months trying -so am hopeful for a BFP in 2010.
> My mum had me at 42.
> My gran had her last child at 45.
> My great-gran had her last child at 49.
> 
> So, that's 4 generations where the statistics and scare mongering don't match! :happydance:
> 
> :dust: to all of you TTC and :hug: to all.
> 
> Jx

 I come from a family of "older breeders" as well! My Gran had her last at 42, and that daughter had her last at 42 as well. My Fathers mother had him at 43, so I know the genetics are there, and me twice at nearly 42. I know of 5 women alone in our small rural town who had healthy babies at the ages of 40+ so we are by no means incapable of doing it! Sticky baby dust to all of us for 2010!:hugs:


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## whyme

I have just gone through for medical procedure for mmc discovered on Monday. I am just forty (November), got one three year old son and this was my second pregnancy. I am at the stage of looking for someone to blame and that someone is me! My eggs are too old etc etc. BUT having read all your stories and words of encouragement, I do feel alot more positive. OH and I have discussed trying again ONLY when I feel ready, in a strange kind of way we feel we owe it to this poor baby, then she won't have died in vain - sorry if that's sounds strange, but we feel something good has to come out of this and that the future baby will be extra special - they wouldn't probably have been born had it not been for this one ( this was my last planned pregnancy) - If any of you, have any further good news ( i see some of these posts are some months old) - I would love to hear from you - thanks and best of luck to you all xx


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## groovygrl

:flower:hi!

I just wanted to bump up this thread and say thanks for the inspiration and encouragement from the other older wonderfully fertile babes!

DH and I have been TTC our 1st for over a year and sadly, I just had a MMC the week of my 41st birthday (two weeks ago) Yup, really lousy birthday:cry:

At least I know I can conceive naturally and I'm super keen to do it again ASAP. I am inspired by my neighbor who had her 1st DD on her 40th had two MC's and then just had her healthy DS last month at 43. all conceived naturally

wishing you all healthy and happy pregnancies and gorgeous wee bubs in the near future:hugs:


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## IndigoDreams

What a great thread! Thanks for bumping it up Whyme. I'm sorry to hear of your recent loss. 
I had my son at 36 and it never occurred to me that I was "too old". Tbh, I thought the nurses were joking when they kept saying things like "advanced maternal age" and "Geriatric pregnancy"! Ds is a very healthy 5 year old now. I had a surprise (NTNP) BFP this past September followed by a mc in October. Another BFP in December and was just told about 2 weeks ago that I've had a m/mc. 
Dh and I plan on trying again once we've moved and settled into our house. I still don't feel "too old" and a couple of the Dr.s I've seen in the past few months didn't think my age is an issue.

:dust: to all of us!


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## LucindaE

Hello, Whyme, Groovygirl, Indigodreams, and Babes all... 

Sorry for your losses. An mc is horrible at any time, but worse if you take some of the negative attitudes towards 'declining fertility' to heart. :flower:

Love your attitudes! :thumbup: And that story about the determined neighbour. I'm glad to hear that the doctors are indifferent to your age, Indigodreams. 

:hugs::hugs: to you all and :dust: too.

LucindaE
XXXX


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## whyme

Thanks everyone. I am not too great today - it was this time last week....

I think it is important to start completely afresh and don't look to far ahead or look at the forums on multiple mmc ( my mistake), I want to try again ( i think!), but I have to be positive, yes it could happen again, BUT there is every chance it may not.

Seen some sad stories on here re twenty year olds having 5 of these, so it is irrespective of age and as my doc said to me it ain't over til you have the first hot flush!

The morning after my loss, I sat on the bed sobbing and a nurse came in - she was 43, lost in October - she hasn't given up - I said to her, yes this is painful, but it is bearable and I would rather take that chance again, than live with the "What if" few years down the line, she agreed.

I am struggling with a certain part of the physical aspect at the moment, Its early days, but something is bothering me and I may pursue the counselling route in a while.

LucindaE, you have been a massive help xx


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## bellamamma

Add me in, am 42 and had mmc last week as well, at 11 weeks. Very inspiring thread, we need to keep each other motivated! Luckily my doc isn't crazy over the age thing, he said his colleague just had first at 47! He told us to try again as soon as we're ready, also here in Italy there are more older moms than younger so it's less stigmatizing. Hugs to all!


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## LucindaE

Whyme, take it an hour at a time...you'll get there, I know it! :hugs:

BellaMama, I am sorry for your loss, but your attitude and that of the Dr is great! :thumbup:

LucindaE
XXX


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## Amos2009

Thanks for this thread...still recovering from my third loss- this time it was an ectopic pregnancy so it was different than my first 2 losses. First was a MMC at 12 weeks and the second a blighted ovum/mc at 7 weeks. I am trying to look at the positive side of things- this pregnancy had a beta level of 9,000 at 5 weeks when my ectopic was discovered, so I can't help but think had this baby made it to my uterus it would have been a healthy pregnancy. (I can dream right?!) I am 37 and hubby is 43 still trying for our first, so these three setbacks will not stop us! We will keep trying until I have no more girl parts to function with!!! I am only down one tube!!!


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## whyme

As the doctor said to me - it ain't over for any of us til the first hot flush. There is always hope xx


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## bellamamma

Amos2009 said:


> Thanks for this thread...still recovering from my third loss- this time it was an ectopic pregnancy so it was different than my first 2 losses. First was a MMC at 12 weeks and the second a blighted ovum/mc at 7 weeks. I am trying to look at the positive side of things- this pregnancy had a beta level of 9,000 at 5 weeks when my ectopic was discovered, so I can't help but think had this baby made it to my uterus it would have been a healthy pregnancy. (I can dream right?!) I am 37 and hubby is 43 still trying for our first, so these three setbacks will not stop us! We will keep trying until I have no more girl parts to function with!!! I am only down one tube!!!

Amos you're doing great being down only one tube! I just remembered reading in this book "the tao of fertility" about a woman with one ovary and one tube BUT on opposite sides! What happened was, with acupuncture, apparently the tube swung over and picked up an egg cuz she got pregnant and carried it full term on her own. Ain't that a beautiful story! :hugs:


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## ellie

thanks for this!
i was desparate to conceive from age 31 but wasnt in a position to. finally ttc'd at age 35, conceived 2nd cycle but mc'd. like you i thought it was my age and that i would never have a baby. actually i joined this forum then looking for support. started again age 36, conceived again 2nd cycle and now at 37 my healthy boy is now 11 weeks old!
while pregnant i thought i would get lots of stick and negativity from health professionals. but no one mentioned a thing, only to offer an amnio test instead of blood tests as standard for women over 35 (i declined).
i agree that there is a lot of unecessary panic about 'the magic 35' (i did a lot of it myself). there are so many factors that affect eggs, not just age. and every woman (and her eggs) are just so individual.
:dust: :dust: :dust:


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## Amos2009

bellamamma said:


> Amos2009 said:
> 
> 
> Thanks for this thread...still recovering from my third loss- this time it was an ectopic pregnancy so it was different than my first 2 losses. First was a MMC at 12 weeks and the second a blighted ovum/mc at 7 weeks. I am trying to look at the positive side of things- this pregnancy had a beta level of 9,000 at 5 weeks when my ectopic was discovered, so I can't help but think had this baby made it to my uterus it would have been a healthy pregnancy. (I can dream right?!) I am 37 and hubby is 43 still trying for our first, so these three setbacks will not stop us! We will keep trying until I have no more girl parts to function with!!! I am only down one tube!!!
> 
> Amos you're doing great being down only one tube! I just remembered reading in this book "the tao of fertility" about a woman with one ovary and one tube BUT on opposite sides! What happened was, with acupuncture, apparently the tube swung over and picked up an egg cuz she got pregnant and carried it full term on her own. Ain't that a beautiful story! :hugs:Click to expand...

Wow Bella- that is an amazing story! I guess anything is possible if it is meant to be! How are you feeling?


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## bellamamma

Amos2009 said:


> bellamamma said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Amos2009 said:
> 
> 
> Thanks for this thread...still recovering from my third loss- this time it was an ectopic pregnancy so it was different than my first 2 losses. First was a MMC at 12 weeks and the second a blighted ovum/mc at 7 weeks. I am trying to look at the positive side of things- this pregnancy had a beta level of 9,000 at 5 weeks when my ectopic was discovered, so I can't help but think had this baby made it to my uterus it would have been a healthy pregnancy. (I can dream right?!) I am 37 and hubby is 43 still trying for our first, so these three setbacks will not stop us! We will keep trying until I have no more girl parts to function with!!! I am only down one tube!!!
> 
> Amos you're doing great being down only one tube! I just remembered reading in this book "the tao of fertility" about a woman with one ovary and one tube BUT on opposite sides! What happened was, with acupuncture, apparently the tube swung over and picked up an egg cuz she got pregnant and carried it full term on her own. Ain't that a beautiful story! :hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> Wow Bella- that is an amazing story! I guess anything is possible if it is meant to be! How are you feeling?Click to expand...

Hey Amos, it is, isn't it?! I'm feeling better...physically and emotionally, didn't cry yesterday for the first time, and am starting to think about ttc. What about you? What's the healing time for your surgery, was it done with a laparoscopy?


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## glitterqueen

ladies
some of you know me-I m/c yesterday and I am 41 had been trying for 7 years i really think TCM helped me get pregnant and after two days of lying in bed crying til i was sick i have decided to get fit, lose weight and try again as soon as i can-just not today !
love to all of you and heres to getting our dreams one day x


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## Amos2009

Bella- yes, it was lap so the recovery time should be much shorter. If only I had just been able to rest after surgery instead of having company!! But I am now taking the time to just lay around and it's killing me!!! So glad you are thinking about TTC again....when will you start? I think we will try and wait a full 3 cycles this time- I am talking to the doc tomorrow. 

Glitter- so glad to see you with some PMA!!!! Just remember it's ok to cry and have those days where you don't want to get out bed, just try to outnumber those days with good days and eventually the good days will take over :) Getting fit and taking your mind off things is a great idea- that is my plan once these incisions heal!! Hugs to you :)


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## groovygrl

Hi ladies!

Amos and Bella I'm so happy to hear that you are taking good care of yourselves and that your keeping up the PMA. you are both truely an inspiration and support to me. I'm so gratefull for the honesty shared here:flower:

Glitter, responded to your post on another thread re: my reasons for choosing d+c and what I believe re: return to healthy fertility ASAP.

Can I have a wee rant? Amos, I get your feelings re: your DH's ex. My DH has a 7 year old with his ex and I love her to bits but would really love to have a baby with him. Was recovering well mind, body and spirit (had my :cry:days) but was getting better every day. Except yeterday was a disaster:growlmad:
I received a letter from the hospital I was regestered to give birth at asking for a copy of my passport (to prove residency) and an outline of the costs for various birthing options if I wsn't a resident. AAARGH! I was hoping my midwife would have taken care of cancelling that for me. but noooooo:nope:
I hoped the evening would recover my bad mood 'cus my dear friend:shrug: invited me to a lingerie party at her place. I thought "how great! a glass or two of bubbles and I can treat myself to a pretty new bra. Just what I need! again... noooooo:nope: small group of 6 ladies sho talked about their pregnancies and babies and kids. felt like I was stuck in a nightmare! looked at my friend several times through the evening with a look that registered, "you have got to be kidding me!!!":grr: I ended up spending way too much money and ran out of there. OMG!

OK sorry to hijack this thread. I'm done and will dust myself off and find something to make me laugh (or figure out how to tell DH I just put $200- on the CC - yikes:dohh:) I too will go back to TCM and really should have saved my $ for that. oh dear!

wishing you all lots of love and healing and laughter. My peach tree in the backyard is loaded! wish I could give you all a basket full:hugs:


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## Amos2009

Oh Groovy :( So sorry you had a bad day :( If you were here, we would go have several glasses of bubbles!!!

Oh- found out the due date of my DH's ex's baby- THE SAME DATE AS OURS WOULD HAVE BEEN!!! How lovely


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## bellamamma

Amos2009 said:


> Bella- yes, it was lap so the recovery time should be much shorter. If only I had just been able to rest after surgery instead of having company!! But I am now taking the time to just lay around and it's killing me!!! So glad you are thinking about TTC again....when will you start? I think we will try and wait a full 3 cycles this time- I am talking to the doc tomorrow.


Amos - glad you're taking care of yourself! I had a lap last year to open my tubes and it's not bad but you do need to rest up! I'm frustrated because yesterday (1 week after D&C), I started bleeding with a big ole clot, first time...and the doc said it should be over by now. RANT - why do (esp male docs) insist they know exactly when bleeding/symptoms will stop tho they never do!! Reading on here, women have had it up to a month and a half! I wish docs would listen to us more and remember the info to pass on to the next woman...
Anyhoos - not waiting at all for ttc, as soon as bleeding stops am back on the bandwagon, at 42 have no time to lose! Doc ok'd it, and honestly, don't think my body is so out of sorts, I feel healthy and ready emotionally. :thumbup:

Glitterqueen dear, we are here for you, so so so sorry it happened to you, cry cry cry it helps! :hugs:


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## FBbaby

bella, Amos, I read your stories but wasn't in a mental position to post then. I am so sorry that you've been through all this trauma. 

And now you Glitter and WannaB not long ago and everyone else, we can say what we want, but getting a baby after 35 isn't easy!

My story also shows how easy it is to make wrong assumption. OH and I decided to ttc in April 09. I was 38 so expected it to take a few months, I was quite relaxed about it, confident that it would happen...at some point. Then I got my bfp the following month, couldn't believe it, and yeah....felt a sense of pride that we were so fertile despite our ages (OH 42). Then the m/c happened. We tried again, full of hope, as everyone told us, it happened so quickly it was bound to happen again and at least we knew that OH swimmers were good (he had never conceived before). When months went by and nothing, I started to get paranoid that my eggs were letting us down and assumed it was the cause of the m/c. I worried that I was ovulating early (sometimes at cd10), that I didn't have ewcm, that I had pos etc... I took all the vitamins I could think off and 6 months later, decided to see GP. My results came back good, not great fsh, but certainly not yet pos! Still I assumed that my eggs were not good enough.

Then we had our appointment two weeks ago and had the biggest blow when the FS told us that my results were absolutely fine, that there was no evidence of blocked tube, cysts or endometriosis, but that my OH SA was good at all. All this focussing on me, we never once considered that he could be the problem. Since the main issue is the morphology count, we know that there is a high chance that the miscarriage was due to this (although of course we can't say for sure).

No need to say that we came out in complete shock. Ironically, his problem is what is preventing us getting pg naturally, but my age is what will be the concern when if we go to icsi. We were told that because of my age, chances of a bfp were about 20%. 

All this to say that it's easy to assume that miscarriages are likely to be due to age in our case, but it certainly isn't always the case and we shouldn't get hang up on it.


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## glitterqueen

my doc told me they m/c had nothing to do with my age and that only fertilization is age related and that the main cause of m/c is chromosome defect and that can happen in anyone.it is just the bodies natural way of not giving birth to a sick child-don't know how i feel about that as generally i think docs talk a lot of crap and have yet to find one who knows anything about anything.but the lady who does my tcm said there is no reason to think it will happen again and i can try as soon as i am ready. The ivf clinic said if i want to start ivf to give it two cycles. I just think everyone is different, physically and emotionally.We were having icsi and my partner is 31 and was told his count was reduced but we still conceived naturally.


----------



## groovygrl

amos, would love to sit down and drink bubbles with you:wine: sorry about finding out about due date of DH's ex. Ouch!

glitter - so so sorry:cry: I know how much you ache right now:hugs:

bella - i'm glad to hear that you're in a good place to TTC again now. I am also not waiting. I'm going to believe that we just might be on a roll re fertility and while we're at it let's just also believe that we'll have fantastic healthy 9 month pregnancies. My girlfriend in Vancouver just sent me a picture of her wee new bub and he was her miracle after her MMC and d+c (she was 11 weeks - baby left at approx.7) Anyhoo... about 6 weeks into healing- no AF- she got her BFP again:happydance: and had healthy full term pregnancy. That's something positive I hold onto.

like amos has said, it's not over until all my girlie parts are completely toast and/or the big fat menopause lady sings. 

my thoughts and prayers are with all of you who are hurting and healing.

Oh yeah, and DH not angry re: money spent on new lingerie. he just told me to reign it in a little 'cus we're having a baby this year! he's soooo cool!

have a good week-end.


----------



## tiggerlix

iv gotta say im still preggers yay!!! My mmc was almost 14 yrs ago so i wudda been about 21..iv had 4 fullterm pregnancys since then all healthy so it defo cant be down to age.I still think about my lill angel,she/he stopped growing at 12 weeks and i didnt find out untill a scan at 15 weeks where the heartbeat wasnt good,i went into labour 3 days after that scan.will never forget my angel and my other children have never been a replacement,but it does show me there is just as much hope with us older woman having babies as much as a younger womans.
never give up
xxxxx


----------



## LucindaE

I notice it's been very quiet on this thread for a couple of weeks now. I hope everyone is doing OK and in the best of spirits.

:flower::hugs:
LucindaE
xx


----------



## kelster823

add me in too.. I had a M/C Oct 2009 at the age of 39 at 6 weeks and this was my first pregnancy so this year will be BIG 40 and still trying 

BABY DUST TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## LucindaE

kelster823 said:


> add me in too.. I had a M/C Oct 2009 at the age of 39 at 6 weeks and this was my first pregnancy so this year will be BIG 40 and still trying
> 
> BABY DUST TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry for your loss. :hugs: 

After my mc the doctor who discharged me from hospital said to me that she'd just had a M/C herself, that I shouldn't take too much notice of the constant talk about age, and that a first M/C is like a 'kick-start for the overies' and that the body will most probably get it right the next time.

If you've read my first post you will know that I was coming up to forty then, that I conceived the next month, and that I now have a school age terror. 

Forty is nothing. You are a girl yet! Plenty of time to make two yet... 

:flower: 

LucndaE
xxx


----------



## whyme

Lucinda - you're fab! Always look to you, when i am having a wobble! xx


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## LucindaE

Thank you, cariad, it is so nice that someone thinks so! 

Lots of :dust: to all you lovely ladies!

LucindaE:hugs::hugs:
xxx


----------



## kelster823

LucindaE said:


> kelster823 said:
> 
> 
> add me in too.. I had a M/C Oct 2009 at the age of 39 at 6 weeks and this was my first pregnancy so this year will be BIG 40 and still trying
> 
> BABY DUST TO ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I'm sorry for your loss. :hugs:
> 
> After my mc the doctor who discharged me from hospital said to me that she'd just had a M/C herself, that I shouldn't take too much notice of the constant talk about age, and that a first M/C is like a 'kick-start for the overies' and that the body will most probably get it right the next time.
> 
> If you've read my first post you will know that I was coming up to forty then, that I conceived the next month, and that I now have a school age terror.
> 
> Forty is nothing. You are a girl yet! Plenty of time to make two yet...
> 
> :flower:
> 
> LucndaE
> xxxClick to expand...


aww thanks :) it was a SHOCK to say the least when I found out I was preggos but happy to know I can get pregnant.... I know 40 is not OLD :lol: 

we just gotta keep plugging away!!!!!


----------



## whyme

Definately not old! lol I certainly don't feel it ( 40 last November).


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## HappyAuntie

Hi ladies. This is my first ever post, but after reading this topic tonight I just had to register. DH and I are trying for our first baby - I am 36 and just had my 2nd mc this week (first mc was 10 months ago). The grief was crushing with the first mc... this time the questions are much harder - I'm having a really hard time not blaming myself. I'm terrified that we waited too long and this is the price we have to pay. We seem to be able to get pg pretty easily, which is a relief, but my fears are really taking off after this second mc.

Thanks for this thread - it gives me some hope.


----------



## patboy

Hi ladies. 
I have just had my 3rd miscarriage in 14 months at the auld age of 40 devastated yet again, it just doesnt get any easier. I am now getting tested at the Recurrent miscarriage clinic, waiting on my results. I also think i have left it too late, only got married 3 years ago. Heres hoping our next pregnancy will be successful!
Pat


----------



## HappyJacky

Hi LucindaE Amos HappyAuntie and all (sorry too many to list individually!) 

I'm so glad this thread is still going strong. 

After my MMC in December I did a bit of posting and then decided I needed a break, but now I'm hoping to call in more often. Sorry if I've neglected anyone, my thoughts are with you all. 

As for me, I'm still very hopeful - even though :witch: has just visted for a third time since MMC. 

I'm still :ignore: the cynics - I'm 4th generation of 40s Mums so I think that's a good pedigree! :laugh2:

Has anyone else heard of this!? The nurse at my clinic told me to get 'Selenium Ace" for BF which apparently makes super :spermy: :spermy: - She said it's not just women whose fertily is affected by age, and although he's 2 years my junior he will be affected too, particularly because he smokes! 

Sending lots of :hugs: and :dust: to you all!

Jx


----------



## LucindaE

:hugs::hugs:
Hello, everyone, sorry for my apparent rudeness in not acknowledging your messages - I couldn't log in to the system, it accused me of impersonating myself. :dohh: that could only happen to me! Sorted it out after a few whinging emails and ten days...

*HappyAuntie* I am so pleased that you joined BandB because of a thread I started! Two miscarriages is terribly upsetting, and I am so sorry for your losses, :hugs: but the statistics are on your side. Absurd to think of yourself as past it already.

*patboy* So sorry that you have to go to a recurrent miscarriage clinic and :hugs:. I cannot imagine how awful three miscarriages must be or how bereft you must feel, but there may well be nothing wrong, after all, and if there is, it may well be sorted out soon. You are obviously very fertile. 
I bet you get there.

*HappyJacky* Welcome back. :hugs: Nice to hear from you and your penguin. Lots of selenium ace for your OH then...That should do the job...

*whyme* Hello, cariad, keep smiling and thanks for the visitor message!
:hugs:


:dust::dust: to everyone. 

:hugs:
LucindaE
xxxx


----------



## LucindaE

Hello, lovely ladies. Still thinking of you all. :flower: Hope nobody is getting downhearted? 
'In the Spring a Young Man's (or young-looking one, which is as good) Fancy, Lightly Turns to Thoughts of Love...' :flower:and all that sort of thing, you know...
Being silly as usual. 

Seriously, how are you all, girls?

LucindaE:hugs:
xxx


----------



## Beanbabe

Hi girls Im not really in this bracket as Im 30 but I have had two mc in nine months one at nine weeks (mar 09) and one at nineteen weeks (Jan 10). Age is not a factor for me but im guessing if I was 10 years older this would be an easy answer as to why this is happening. I think they dont have a clue what causes mc and they will clasp at anything to give an answer, blaming whatever they can pull out of your file.

Just wanted to say my gran had her last child (number 13!!!) on her 41st birthday...the same year as her first grandchild was born. She is some woman.


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## LucindaE

Beanbaby, So sorry for your losses. A miscarriage in the first tri is bad enough, but later on it must be so traumatic. Sending you :hugs::hugs: and best wishes for the future. Lovely about your Grandmother.

LucindaE:flower:
xx


----------



## janie0

I was 35 when I had my mmc at 18 weeks in July 09. The first thing the doctor said when he confirmed it by scan was 'well, you ARE 35'. I have a healthy 5 yr old, had no problems during either pregnancy and I am still on the fence whether or not we will try again.


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## LucindaE

JanieO, How insensitive of that Doctor! :growlmad: As if your loss wasn't bad enough, without his discouraging remarks. Please don't think of yourself as old because of his prejudices. 

:hugs:
LucindaE
xx


----------



## Amos2009

Janie- you are definitely not old. At my first appt with my fertility doctor I made the comment that I was old and he straight out laughed and told me I was nowhere near the old mark. I am 37, so.....I have a few more years of trying! I just suffered my fourth loss, and was devastated at first because all my testing done by the fertility doc came back "normal". But at my last appt they did find that I have extremely low folate levels and high homocysteine levels, both of which cause early pregnancy loss. I hate to say it but I was so excited because there was something wrong with me!! Now they know what my "possible" problem is and it is being treated, so while there is no guarantee for a healthy pregnancy next time, this will at least definitely help!!


----------



## LucindaE

:hugs: So sorry to hear about you having four losses, I can't imagine how upsetting that must be. Those hormonal imbalances sound very complicated so it's beyond me what they mean, but I am glad that you are getting treatment.
So glad that you are heading for success. :thumbup: Sending you, Janie and everyone lots of :dust:.

LucindaE
xx :hugs:


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## Sparky67

I've just found this thread after searching down the posts - I remarried 7 years ago and have been "trying" since then, although after the first couple of years we just sort of drifted along and thought it would never happen. We had some tests and there's nothing wrong with either of us but I am "hostile" to his :spermy: We were told it wasn't impossible, but just very unlikely.

After 7 years, out of the blue we got the positive test, but sadly at a second scan this Monday discovered I had suffered a MMC at 7+2. The first scan was good and there was a little heartbeat...

I am booked for an ERPC Monday and they have said they won't test for anything...

I am worried that this will just happen again because of our age, and I really don't want to just put myself through this again... I am 42, nearly 43 and OH is nearly 44... Has the boat just passed us by...


----------



## Omi

Cant believe i missed this thread! :)

I too find all the scare mongering a bit much. Ive had two mc's one at 37 and one at 38. Im now just 40 and married in November for the first time. I never had anyone mention my age to me except giving me a us earlier than for younger women (thank you very much :)) I had a d&c with both mc's and the ladies at the hospital we're absolutely marvellous. 

I got tested for recurrent mc's since i was over 35 and told to hold off ttc until i had test results back last year and was told everything was great - except my thyroid and im now on medication for life. They did say they cant guarantee I mc because of the hypothyroidism itself but that studies do show undiagnosed women with hypothyroidism mc much, much more and that my chances are really good. I will be monitored from the moment i do get pg but i quite prefer it that way (as opposed to a girl at work who had to wait until she was 14 weeks for her scan (she's 32). Gulp! :)

I have since gotten a referral to the fertility clinic and although i cant get ivf as too old for the referral ( you have to be under 38 up here) and am not considered infertile, they will do any investigations we want. Ive been in once already and did mention worrying about having 'old eggs' and the consultant nearly fell off the chair laughing saying old eggs don't make you mc they only make it so it takes longer to conceive. Phew, that was my main worry, lol! :) 

The progression of both pg's also they said means we're obviously not infertile, obviously no issues with tubes, sperm etc and to just keep on trying. Ive done the ov test and I ov fine. (duh, i knew that :)) We're both back for another apmt in June but we hope we'll pg by then!!

I have every faith it will happen as it only takes on time, one egg and one sperm. Time is a bit of a worry but hey, if you cant take the heat... :)

Big hugs to everyone on this thread, you are a bunch of brave and strong women. I console myself with knowing that once i do get pg and have a baby the little things wont faze me at all, it will wash over me cause Ive done the hard bit and everything else is gravy! :)

:hugs: Omi xxx


----------



## Sparky67

Thanks for that - the comment about the old eggs made me feel better!

When the nurse was going through my history today she was asking me about previous pregancies and I said I had been pregnant once before... How old is your little one she asked... err, she's 20!!


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## LucindaE

Thanks so much for your stories. I am so sorry for your losses, and :hugs::hugs: to you both. 
I am confident myself that you will both get there and am sending you :dust:
:dust: for lots of healthy sperm and eggs joining together...
Thanks for sharing your postive stories aout the medical people, too. That is wonderful!

LucindaE:flower:
xxx


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## Omi

Im half polish and norwegian (married to a scot and been out of the country (thank god) for over 20 years) but there is one! good saying in Norwegian that goes something like this: There is nothing so bad it isn't good for something! Im keeping that close to my heart! :)

Mucho love to everybody! :)


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## LucindaE

:thumbup: That saying is very wise, and it's good that you can think of it now. :flower: So, when you have that baby, s/he is going to have a very intriguing background - Norwegian, Polish and Scottish... 

LucindaE
xx:hugs:


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## padbrat

Hi... I think I belong here...I am 38 and OH is 37 and we have had 2 m/c's.

I am pregnant with no 3, and had my first scan last Monday, but they said the sac was an odd shape and the baby was small, no HB. They thought I was 6+4, but I know I ov on day 18 or 19 so I think I was 5+6... I am back on Monday for another scan, but they said it is likely I will m/c again and this baby is dead already...

My first m/c I was 34 and I only got pregnant after they diagnosed an underactive thyroid, that I had apparently had for years... me and Oh had been trying for 6 years at that point and nothing! I am angry that if they found this earlier I might have concieved earlier and not be in this situation!

Having said that, if I lose this baby (4th baby, one of prev m/c was twins) they will test me....

I feel like the bell of doom is tolling and I am dreading Monday....


----------



## LucindaE

That is awful and all I can do is send you cyber hugs...:hugs::hugs: It is so awful when you see from the technician's face that the news is going to be bad, and you have had to go through that several times. Waiting for Monday is going to be so horrible. I do so feel for you.

It is so frustrating that they took so long to find out about the problem before. Of course, at the moment, you can only think of this one, whom you may be about to lose. 

I hope you don't think it insensitive of me to say that even if the worst comes to the worst, you still have time to have a couple of babies yet. :dust: 

By the way, this is no comfort to you - but you do look beautiful in your wedding photo!

LucindaE
xx


----------



## kelster823

looks like I am back again- M/C #2 within 6 months... :( 

got the BFP April 3rd and started spotting Thursday and bleeding yesterday, ultrasound yesterday showed no gestational sac at 7 weeks 2 days.... but what I don't understand is until today- no real BIG clots and I truly haven't passed any big clots--- 

I would think I would have larger clots and more tissue being passed at 7 weeks.... unless I just wasn't as far along as we thougth I was...

Gotta wait for the blood work to come back 

MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH ALL YOU LADIES :hugs:


----------



## LucindaE

:cry:So sorry. :flower: That is such a disapointment. :hugs::hugs: 
It is odd about the sac, I remember passing parts of it with really strong cramps and there was no way that you could miss it...
Thinking of you. I wish there was more that I could say. 

LucindaE
xx


----------



## kelster823

LucindaE :hugs: thanks

No I had no real cramping either before I went to the doc's, that is what the WEIRD part was...

like I said I just gotta wait for the blood results.... my first appointment on April 7th the doc did no blood work.... WHY I have no idea- at least we could of known EXACTLY what my levels were and then compared them to the blood work on Friday....

but this being my 1st pregnancy (THAT I KNEW OF- 1st one I didn't know due to irregular periods) I trusted the doctor----next time and THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME---- blood will be taken right away


----------



## LucindaE

That is the spirit. Of course there will be a next time! :flower:
:hugs:
LucindaE
xx


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## californiamom

Kelster, I am so sorry for your loss! Didn't they scan you a couple of weeks ago and saw everything? I also had two m/c's in 6 months, along the same time as you! This last one, I passed naturally. They scanned me at 5w4d and everything looked perfect, minus the heartbeat, which they said was too early. They also did not do bloods and, when I asked, he said there was no reason since he saw everything he needed to see in the scan. Three days later, I started spotting. The following day, heavy bleeding with very small clots. And, the day after that, I passed a very large clot that I didn't even feel and honestly would not have noticed if I didn't look for it. It was probably the size of my fist. The only "pain" I felt through this whole process was some pressure on my pelvic bone but it honestly didn't feel much different than normal pregnancy (I had an uneventful pregnancy in 2006, which resulted in a beautiful baby girl.)

They say the third time is a charm. Good luck!


----------



## JASMAK

just wanted to let you ladies know that I had three miscarriages, and it was always me who was poked, prodded and tested (I am 35). It turned out to be hubby with low testosterone, high FSH, thick viscosity, and only 3% normal sperm. Make sure your OH's get tested. It is only a simple test! Also, due to age, many doctors will test after your second or even first miscarriage, so check that out...don't wait for your third it you are over 35. After four years, and three m/c's, and finally going to a fertility clinic that got to the bottom of our issues, I am successfully pregnant. Your eggs aren't stamped OLD the day you turn 35 ladies...so keep your chin up...and get hubby tested!!!


----------



## californiamom

JASMAK said:


> just wanted to let you ladies know that I had three miscarriages, and it was always me who was poked, prodded and tested (I am 35). It turned out to be hubby with low testosterone, high FSH, thick viscosity, and only 3% normal sperm. Make sure your OH's get tested. It is only a simple test! Also, due to age, many doctors will test after your second or even first miscarriage, so check that out...don't wait for your third it you are over 35. After four years, and three m/c's, and finally going to a fertility clinic that got to the bottom of our issues, I am successfully pregnant. Your eggs aren't stamped OLD the day you turn 35 ladies...so keep your chin up...and get hubby tested!!!

Thanks, Jasmak. What did they do to correct OH's problem? I suspect he's the problem with us too but I do not know for sure. I turn 35 in two months and he's even younger (31.) I have looked some things up online to improve sperm quality within 72 days so we are trying that. Also, my doctor agreed to order the tests now for me, rather than waiting to m/c a third time. Hopefully, we'll get that sticky BFP by July (and my 35th birthday!)


----------



## JASMAK

californiamom said:


> JASMAK said:
> 
> 
> just wanted to let you ladies know that I had three miscarriages, and it was always me who was poked, prodded and tested (I am 35). It turned out to be hubby with low testosterone, high FSH, thick viscosity, and only 3% normal sperm. Make sure your OH's get tested. It is only a simple test! Also, due to age, many doctors will test after your second or even first miscarriage, so check that out...don't wait for your third it you are over 35. After four years, and three m/c's, and finally going to a fertility clinic that got to the bottom of our issues, I am successfully pregnant. Your eggs aren't stamped OLD the day you turn 35 ladies...so keep your chin up...and get hubby tested!!!
> 
> Thanks, Jasmak. What did they do to correct OH's problem? I suspect he's the problem with us too but I do not know for sure. I turn 35 in two months and he's even younger (31.) I have looked some things up online to improve sperm quality within 72 days so we are trying that. Also, my doctor agreed to order the tests now for me, rather than waiting to m/c a third time. Hopefully, we'll get that sticky BFP by July (and my 35th birthday!)Click to expand...

Well, a number of things, but almost everything you can do on your own right now. 

He went on the South Beach diet to make sure that his sugar levels (no, he isn't diabetic) were stable. He was to lose weight...and he did, but I am not sure how much.

Hubby had to switch from tighty whities to boxers. He also had to avoid hot baths, hot tubs, saunas, steam rooms, bicycles etc...anything that affects the groin area. lol

He went on a vitamin supplement (over the counter...not prescription). The FS recommended a Men's specific one and it had to have zinc in it.

He was to ejaculate everyday. :haha: With or without me. Apparently that is good for the little swimmers. Mostly it was without me. :rofl: Hubby was quite pleased that he HAD to do it. 

He went on a antibiotic for 6 weeks. He was actually still on these when we got pregnant. I am not sure what kind. It was for his thick viscosity (clumps too soon). Apparently that can be caused my an infection in the prostate.

With the above treatments (at home, which is nice) his sperm count went from 3% normal to 5% normal. 5% is the minimum my fertility clinic would do an IUI (washed and spun sperm injected with or without ovulation induction drugs). Since ultrasound scans revealed that I was already ovulating from both ovaries on my own (common in woman our age), we were going to do an IUI without drugs. Well, the above treatments did the trick because we were looking at a January 2010 IUI date, but got pregnant ON OUR OWN December 2009....after four years of infertility and recurrent miscarriage (three pregnancy losses and one was a set of twins using Clomid). This is why I am trying to inform women to get their OH's tested. Sure, it might not be the issue for you, but I would hate for anyone to go through four long painful years of heartache and losses like I had to, if it's as simple as OH jerking in a cup.

Remember this...40% of infertility or fertility related issues are MALE. Abnormal sperm can cause infertility and recurrent miscarriage.


----------



## californiamom

Thank you so much for sharing. I found an article online that had the same exact suggestions, minus the IUI and antibiotic. My OH was tested about ten years ago (desperate college student, trying to sell his swimmers for money) and he was turned down. We did have our daughter a few years after that but I already know he's had problems in the past and I know that I ovulate from both ovaries because the last two pregnancies implanted on opposite sides. The article that I found gave a lot of great suggestions, including the ones you mentioned. I will post it here for anyone else that may suspect it's their OH:

https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fertility/MC00023

We've made some changes that include adding a multivitamin with Zinc, cutting out all tobacco/recreational drugs, limiting alcohol and daily ejaculation. We also eliminated lubricants and we only use Preseed, since it's "sperm friendly." I hope that we have a similar outcome to you guys. Congratulations, by the way! The first trimester must have been grueling for you.


----------



## JASMAK

californiamom said:


> Thank you so much for sharing. I found an article online that had the same exact suggestions, minus the IUI and antibiotic. My OH was tested about ten years ago (desperate college student, trying to sell his swimmers for money) and he was turned down. We did have our daughter a few years after that but I already know he's had problems in the past and I know that I ovulate from both ovaries because the last two pregnancies implanted on opposite sides. The article that I found gave a lot of great suggestions, including the ones you mentioned. I will post it here for anyone else that may suspect it's their OH:
> 
> https://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fertility/MC00023
> 
> We've made some changes that include adding a multivitamin with Zinc, cutting out all tobacco/recreational drugs, limiting alcohol and daily ejaculation. I hope that we have a similar outcome to you guys. Congratulations, by the way! The first trimester must have been grueling for you.

Yes, the first trimester was difficult, being very nervous of course.

We also have children. We have two. This is the biggest reason they didn't want to test OH. We had two children (together) and I was getting pregnant....they said it couldn't be him. Turns out, there was nothing wrong with me at all. Don't give up!!! Hang in there. I know this road, and it's long and difficult, but the end feels really worth it all. :hugs:


----------



## kelster823

californiamom said:


> Kelster, I am so sorry for your loss! Didn't they scan you a couple of weeks ago and saw everything? I also had two m/c's in 6 months, along the same time as you! This last one, I passed naturally. They scanned me at 5w4d and everything looked perfect, minus the heartbeat, which they said was too early. They also did not do bloods and, when I asked, he said there was no reason since he saw everything he needed to see in the scan. Three days later, I started spotting. The following day, heavy bleeding with very small clots. And, the day after that, I passed a very large clot that I didn't even feel and honestly would not have noticed if I didn't look for it. It was probably the size of my fist. The only "pain" I felt through this whole process was some pressure on my pelvic bone but it honestly didn't feel much different than normal pregnancy (I had an uneventful pregnancy in 2006, which resulted in a beautiful baby girl.)
> 
> They say the third time is a charm. Good luck!

Thanks... :hugs:

nope last Friday was the 1st ultrasound due to the bleeding and I found out today that I was WAY earlier then I though

My BETA levels on Friday were only 98.... I started spotting on Thursday- bled Friday morning but NO CRAMPS til mid afternoon...vled heavy with cramps on Saturday, bled yesterday with a few clots nothing large, and today just bled no clots at all.... my progestrone levels are VERY LOW though... only at 1.. so he prescribed me some pills.... 

wait a minute you were in the Dec Dreamers thread right???? I only posted in there a few times... LOL couldn't keep up with it... but you mean you too???? 

if yes I AM SOOOOOOOOOO VERY SORRY and very sorry if I missed your post


----------



## padbrat

Thanks Lucinda for the comments on the photo.. it was from when we renewed our wedding vows after 10 years of marriage in Oct 09.:kiss:

Well, had my scan yesterday and again it wasn't good news. :cry: There had been growth, but not much and still no HB... they are convinced it is a MMC, but have agreed to scan me next Wed, as I am not bleeding or in pain and because I ov late.  Really not much hope. They will book me in for surgery if there is nothing on this next scan. More waiting and less and less hope for no 4.:nope:

The sonographer said I wasn't too old to try again, that many women are well into their 40's before they have children. She laughed when I grumped that I was too old to put myself through this anymore and said I was still young and had more years left to try.

OH is already planning what will happen after I lose this one.... this is the way he deals with things... he gets busy doing other things, skims over the bad stuff and concentrates on what we are going to do next. I asked him how he was feeling and he said he was worried about me and has already accepted that we have lost this one. Makes we wonder why I am bothering to wait for Wednesday?...:cry:




LucindaE said:


> That is awful and all I can do is send you cyber hugs...:hugs::hugs: It is so awful when you see from the technician's face that the news is going to be bad, and you have had to go through that several times. Waiting for Monday is going to be so horrible. I do so feel for you.
> 
> It is so frustrating that they took so long to find out about the problem before. Of course, at the moment, you can only think of this one, whom you may be about to lose.
> 
> I hope you don't think it insensitive of me to say that even if the worst comes to the worst, you still have time to have a couple of babies yet. :dust:
> 
> By the way, this is no comfort to you - but you do look beautiful in your wedding photo!
> 
> LucindaE
> xx


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## kelster823

> Well, had my scan yesterday and again it wasn't good news. There had been growth, but not much and still no HB... they are convinced it is a MMC, but have agreed to scan me next Wed, as I am not bleeding or in pain and because I ov late. Really not much hope. They will book me in for surgery if there is nothing on this next scan. More waiting and less and less hope for no 4

ohh noooooooooooooo I am so sorry :hugs: ---- just don't get it............... me with 2 and within two months.. and now possibly my sister in law too and we were both so excited because we were only due a week apart.. she has brown spotting and went for the ultrasound yesterday found the sac but nothing in it... like i told her maybe she is just not far along as she thinks she is....

BE STRONG PADBRAT!!!!!!!!!!! thinking of you


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## Sparky67

If you don't mind me asking Bradpat how old are you? I take it from your comments that you are over 40?

My OH wants to try again asap, but I am not so sure...


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## padbrat

Oh Kelstar I am trying to be strong, but I just feel so tired and fed up with it all now. This waiting is killing me and there is less and less hope. 

I am so sorry that you and your SIL are going through m/c. One thing I am thankful for is that I am now in contact with people like you who know exactly how I feel. Hubby tries to understand, but he never can really. He told me not to be too upset if this is the start of the m/c... I told him that was the most stupid thing he had ever said and did he really understand what was happening? I think it is because he was away both times when I m/c before and so doesn't realise how terrible it is.

Hi Sparky, nope not over 40, but feel like I am over 80 right now... turned 38 in March. Why aren't you sure, if you don't feel ready then wait.


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## kelster823

padbrat said:


> Oh Kelstar I am trying to be strong, but I just feel so tired and fed up with it all now. This waiting is killing me and there is less and less hope.
> 
> I am so sorry that you and your SIL are going through m/c. One thing I am thankful for is that I am now in contact with people like you who know exactly how I feel. Hubby tries to understand, but he never can really. He told me not to be too upset if this is the start of the m/c... I told him that was the most stupid thing he had ever said and did he really understand what was happening? I think it is because he was away both times when I m/c before and so doesn't realise how terrible it is.


oh I know I know.. I am tired of it too..:hugs:. I'll be 40 this year and feel like I do not have much time left, which I know is bogus but still.... My hubby just turned 41 and at this point if I do get preggos again, he will be looking at being a 1st time dad at 42.. WOW... 

I know that is not a OLD AGE either but :: SIGHS :: I just don't know how to explain it...... :nope: 

no unfortunately they really don't understand what we are going thru

but do NOT let this beat you. ....... you just can't.... we'll get thru this


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## padbrat

Kelster... I am 38 and I too feel like I am running out of time... when I grumped about this to the sonographer she truly laughed at me (not in a bad way) and told me I have plenty of time... does that reassure you as well? I hope so.:hugs:

The funny thing is until now (and I feel really old and tired now :cry:) I don't feel my age... I sometimes forget it... maybe that is old age creeping up on me!! Am going batty!! LOL:dohh:

You are def right Kelster, we will get through this - we always do, that is why women bear the children and men don't, they couldn't hack it! (said in a caring, I know and love my man way... and not meant to offend any OH's, BF's etc at all) LOL

You cheer me up, thank you! :kiss:


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## kelster823

YEPPERS sure does reassure me... my doctor has yet to say to me anything about my age but I am waiting.. :lol:

I don't feel like I wil be 40.. and I sure do not act like it either.... sometimes I think we are still only 25.. me and hubby have been togther since 1990- married since 1994- and up until last year did I ever become pregnant... so I still think that hmmmm we have time... and I guess I gotta keep that thought ALIVE.... 

oh I told my DH I WISH you could go thru this just once and see.. of course he said, umm nope, nope don't think soooo... I WUV him.. he is to cute

you are most welcome for cheering u up... that is what we are here for, this place has helped me get thru this 

(((((((( BIG ASS HUGES ))))))))))


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## LucindaE

Girls, :hugs::hugs: I feel your pain. :cry:As you know, I was partly there myself -though I only had one m/c that I am sure of - and it is truly horrible, but you mustn't give up on those babies. 
I know OH's can't really be much help with mc's - mine had the idea that talking about it made it worse, gave me money to buy new clothes, etc...:dohh: 
I can't wait until you come back on here to say that you are suffering from m/s...I had a nice little run in with Hyperemesis with my successful pregnancy, and it goes without saying that I would have chosen the HG over a miscarriage any day...

What do people think of Homeopathy? After my m/c I went and saw one and he gave me something supposedly to help any hormonal imbalance. I did conceive again really quickly, but I have heard rumours that that can happen after a D and C, though I don't see
it should.
LucindaE
xx


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## LucindaE

Hey, lovely ladies, I haven't heard from any of you in a while. Is there anyone out there who needs to talk about Miscarriage Over 35? This thread is still here for you, if so...

LucindaE
xx:flower::hugs:


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## carrieanne

im 42 and 35 weeks preggie now my last 3 babies have been after 35 yes ive had 4 mc 3 of which were one after another before this one but 3 healthy pregnancys so dont get disheartend it will happen xx


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## JASMAK

I lost three pregnancies, and I am now successfully pregnant. It was hubby....make sure your hubby's get checked!!! Abnormal sperm can cause infertility and recurrent miscarriage!!!


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## HeresHoping

Hi,

I have just had my first IVF cycle and have just had MC confirmed yesterday. Its been a challanging and albeit brief pregnancy and right now I don't quite know what I feel - well apart from sad and teary that is!
DH is also sad and disapointed but I think he thinks I will only be sad for a few days!

Next step for us is consultant visit Monday to discuss our 3 frozen embies waiting...

Any and all advise welcome.


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## LucindaE

Thanks *CarrieAnne* and *Jazmak* for those stories! And you are one young looking 42, CarrieAnne...
*HeresHoping* - :flower: :hugs: Sorry for your loss and I think most men find it hard to relate to how devastating it is. Well, their hormones haven't changed, I suppose...Here is wishing you all the luck in the world.
I wish I could advise about IVF but didn't have it. I wonder if Homeopathy might help things along, as I did have a course of it after my own M/C? 
LucindaE:flower:
xx


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