# Hello - Newbie from Bucks



## StillTrying

Hi all
I found this forum whilst doing a search on Google for BUPA IVF clinics.
You see we've just completed our first IVF and found out today that basically there will be no embryo transfer.
I'm trying very very hard to fight back the tears so please forgive me if there are any typos or spelling mistakes.
You see I've just turned 40 and my partner is 36 we were preggers before, naturally about 8 years ago but it wasn't to be as I suffered a brain anerysm and had to have it clipped. Which meant that I couldn't have the baby.
Since then we have been trying but to no avail.

We started our first IVF cycle in September 2006, a week after my 40th birthday. We were told that I had good follicles and his swimmers were 20 times the average. However, we failed this cycle today.

Our IVF was done at the Oxford Fertility Unit, I received the call this morning at around 08:00 and was told "Unfortunately, you were not successful this time and I will get a consultant to call you." It's almost mid-day and no one has called. So I decided to call but the consultant is too busy to speak with me. Out of frustration I thought, "we have BUPA let me see if we can try again using a NON NHS hospital" and got a list from this forum.

Sorry for the long intro. but I just need someone to read and/or listen and/or offer advice for someone like me who really wants to have children.

thanks for your time..
I guess it's time for a tetley's


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## Arcanegirl

Hi StillTrying Welcome to the forum.
sorry your first IVF cycle didnt work out :hugs:
This is a great forum for support, theres always someone around when you need them.


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## StillTrying

Oh Arcanegirl cheers so very much!
The consultant from Oxford just called and said that if we want to try again I would have to wait until after my 3rd period. 
Then he went on to say that out of the 8 follicles that were taken out 5 of them weren't mature, 2 had three nuclei (sp?) and 1 fertilized but failed to divide.
I'm trying to look on the positive side of things by saying to myself, "Well my fear of needles has subsided" and "it's great to be able to sniff legal drugs" things that make me sort of chuckle to myself ... but nothing takes away the pain.

I just don't know what to do now.. I want to try again but the consultant says that I need to watch out for my age - being 40. But there are loads of women who are 40 and older having babies.

Maybe I should try another IVF clinic because I must admit my experience with the NHS was less than stellar.

I'll speak to my doctor and see what she says


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## Wobbles

I'll have a nescafe whist you have the kettle on :wink: 

First welcome to the forum & most of all a BIG hug needed & deserved :hugs:

I am really sorry to hear of your frustration there are many girl's here all with different stories to tell. Some of us have a longer journey than others (me for one) - It will be all the more special.

I can imagine all is gloom for you right now & maybe disheartened by IVF - One of the girl's here (Helen) has just been through a positive IVF cycle I'm quite sure she will understand your journey a little more than some of us although we have all followed her journal & have a good idea on the ups & downs along with the emotions & upset. I would consider IVF for recurrent miscarriages although it's all money money money it's disgraceful! :shock: 

What I find more outraged it the lack of communication through peoples heartache & suffering - My doctors and the EPU have been a complete disgrace & I hate the 'busy excuse' then finding yourself chasing THEM it's just .. well ... GRRRRRRR :x 

:hugs:


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## Wobbles

StillTrying said:

> I'm trying to look on the positive side of things by saying to myself, "Well my fear of needles has subsided" and "it's great to be able to sniff legal drugs" things that make me sort of chuckle to myself ... but nothing takes away the pain.

Oh I crack the odd joke through my harsh experiences - It doesn't ease the pain but it helps in the most strangest way!

The needles :rofl: Crickey your telling me I had a BIG fear & now it hardly bothers me! The best bit is coming home from the EPU with our needles & druggy box! I still have mine put away I'm scared the woman in Boots will think bad of why I have that box :oops: :lol:


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## StillTrying

I can't stop crying - I really am trying to be positive but I can't stop crying.
I've had a look thru. Helen's journal wishing that it were me.. as we both started around the same month.
Oh why isn't it me?
must go and chill out..


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## Wobbles

I know there must be so many negaitive thoughts an upset but try to think of the positive outcomes too - There are some it's just finding your feet!

I've had so much heartache - 1 ectopic & more than enough chemical pregnancies trying this injection an that injection, doubling folic acid etc etc etc what a head fuck that can be! The emotional side I can't imagine to be much different only the circumstances but we want the same thing.

:hugs:


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## StillTrying

Thank you so very much for your support.
My partner and I have decided to go to CRM London for our next try at IVF (but this depends on how much it costs Â£Â£Â£Â£ of course). 

According to HFEA they have a better success rate than stinky-old Oxford (un) fertility.

I also spoke to my Doctor and she was so very supportive and kind that she made me break down in tears. 

She said that although she had a day off tomorrow she would go thru. and ring round to get some stats and recommendations for IVF hospitals as she has a few contacts in the medical biz. I would like to see what she comes up with tomorrow.

Things aren't that bad and I do really think that I should start a journal too. As of today or maybe tomorrow when my head is feeling up to it.

What a day it's been..!!!
The last time I cried like that was when I was born and even then the doctor had to smack my ass to make the tears flow.....however, the biggest-bestest positive is that I have made some new fertile friends here on Baby & Bump - so cheers!!!

:D 

Loads of :hugs: to you all for putting up with my long intro and cyber tears..!


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## Arcanegirl

:hugs: Good luck with going private.


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## Wobbles

It sounds like you have the first part of your journey sorted - A good doctor who CARES! Mines been useless - Prescribed me the progesterone pill once instead of progesterone supplements :evil: ThatÂs just a small example of the ****!

We can't wait to move to find a new doctor & a new EPU unit then decide where we go next although we're still trying for success :D

I'm a believer a cry does you the world of good & if a journal & some supportive words on the way help then go for it - For me I have to say its a bit of help when I type or slam some days my feelings down on here & its been amazing the support I have received over the internet :D

Did you do your IVF cycle on the NHS? 

Funny my OH just came back from the bank & said a girl donated her eggs & got IVF for Â£500! I was a little concerned how he started this convo :rofl:

:hugs:


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## Arcanegirl

lol Wobbs!

Thats something that ive always considered doing if we needed to go down the IVF route, i would more than hapily donate my eggs and if it will save some money on going private then even better!

I just know that my area wont be on the top of the list for the postcode lottery.


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## Wobbles

You always need the pennies up front anyway hun I believe as the 'asking' for funds takes a while or you ask after payment has been made for your treatment! I could be wrong but yer I would do that too!

Will look up info later me thinks :D


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## Arcanegirl

Somehow i think id be too young for the criteria so would have a good while to save up.

Might have a look at the IVF criteria for around here on the possibilty we might need to go that way.


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## Caroline

Sorry to hear of your difficulties at this time with ttc. Hope you have better luck next tme. At least you have a good GP, which is rare these days. Best Wishes and hugs. :hugs: 
CarolineXX


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## nicki

Firstly a big welcome to the forum and i'm so sorry to hear about the troubles you're having. I have a tear in my eye. Its situations like this that make me so grateful for my little boy.

I know there is nothing I can say that will take away the heartache, pain & tears, I wish there was :cry: 
I know some people that are in the same situation as you & I also know of people that tried for years to get pregnant with no success so decided to adopt, they did & a couple of years later she discovered she was pregnant with a daughter, she now has a son too conceived naturally, so there is always hope.

Why life has to be so cruel sometimes I will never know but I will send you bundles of good luck vibes & keep my fingers crossed that you get preggers very soon. :hugs: 

Nicki.x


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## StillTrying

Wobbles said:

> Did you do your IVF cycle on the NHS?
> 
> 
> :hugs:

Well yes & no.. When I started the IVF I was 8 days in to be 40 years old so I didn't qualify for the Free IVF that the NHS offer to those between the ages of 23 and 39.
So we had to pay Â£3600 for the IVF plus Â£800 for the drugs but it was done by the NHS but we had to pay for it.

As you can see it's early - about 05:30 now but I've been up since 03:30 or so.
Couldn't sleep.
I started to think about why things went wrong:
1. Maybe it was the couple of glasses of Shiraz & champagne I had on my birthday. I was totally blotted on my 40th!
2. Maybe it was my age - being 40 etc..
3. Maybe my follicles didn't have a chance to mature correctly or given enough time to mature. As the Oxford (un) Fertility Unit only give you 35 hours and it usually takes between 26 to 46 hours.
4. Maybe we were referred to the wrong IVF clinic. As Oxford is a teaching hospital and have a less than stellar performance rate for people my age.
5. Maybe we have been unlucky this time round.
6. Maybe we will never have a child.
7. Maybe it will happen and I'll have a multiple birth
8. Maybe it's because I'm not as fit as I was when I first met my fiancÃ©.
(I must say that I was a lot slimmer 8 years ago but hey, wasn't everyone :wink: )

All the maybes were rolling round in my head PLUS the fact that I own my own business and had completely ignored my duties yesterday made me get up and think. "Must get back to work"

Cor' blimey..!
it's a rough ride but I'll be alright!


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## Wobbles

_made me get up and think. "Must get back to work" _

You do right.

I didn't realise IVF had such a harsh 'rule' of age! Crikey my Dads 40 & has a 3 year old now too & I can't say I see him as an old Dad I guess he don't look his age to me & doesn't act his age either but thats a whole different story lol

Do you have a good consultant you can talk to about possibilities of why IVF didn't succeed for you 'this time'?

x


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## StillTrying

Wobbles said:

> _made me get up and think. "Must get back to work" _
> 
> Do you have a good consultant you can talk to about possibilities of why IVF didn't succeed for you 'this time'?
> 
> x

My doctor told me that this is usual with patients of all ages - IVF doesn't always happen the first time round.

The consultants at Oxford's John Radcliffe Fetility Unit are not the best when it comes to actual consultation ie: too many patients to little staff everything is rush-rush. ie: YOU must chase THEM

However, I have found that Oxford's John Radcliffe Fertility Unit is NOT the best for those who are in their late 30s and early 40s.

With me they got so many things wrong:
1. My age - they thought I was 36 and this is important because of the fact that they need to prescribe the right dose of Nafalein (sp?) and Pureagon (sp?) .
Due to the fact that they got my age wrong they prescribed the wrong dosage of drugs. As a result I produced only 8 follicles the norm is 10 to 15.
For the best chance of fertilization. 

2. The Oxford Radcliffe doesn't have a very good success rate for those my age. Remember it's a teaching hospital. We should have checked this first.

3. My eggs needed longer to mature, as every woman is different, my eggs required 48 hours but only had 35.

4. Oxford Fert. Unit use 1 incubator for every 100 to 400 cycles. Which means that the incubator door is opened frequently not ideal growth conditions for the eggs and embryos.

This is all I know at the moment but there is nothing I can do as this is the procedure that they use and have used for over 20 years. It will work for some but not for others - like me.


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## Wobbles

So basically they completely cocked up well I have no idea of your personality but if I was the nicest person in the world that would turn me into the devil thats never been seen before & I would be going fucking ape shit! Sorry for my language but that is outragously discusting! I think from such a BIG cock up you should have your next cycle free or you money back - Get some advice??

Gawd my temper would even lower to dragging the receptionist until I got the MAIN man! :evil: 

OMG thats awful & I really feel for your situation! :hugs:

I have heard CARE have a good rep for themselves - Worth a look!


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## StillTrying

Oh cheers me dear!
I'm not the type of person to get heated I try to put my energies into finding a solution to the problem - you know how it is..?! Shed a few tears... complain a little ... then move on...

Well we've decided to definitely go for CRM London as the HFEA .pdf reports show that they are the best in the country.
Number 1 for IVF and Number 2 for ICSI

When I called CRM London they were so lovely and told me that I shouldn't worry they are very flexible and can see me on Saturday for a consultation if needs be.

Plus my doctor just this very second called me to see how I was feeling and I think that she is going to have a word with the Oxford Fertility Unit "medical team" anyway I should go and make some grub.


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