# some advice RE autism/aspergers



## Ju_bubbs

Hi this is my first time posting about autism/aspergers, I've always noticed some strange little 'querks' my son has, but never really thought anything of it until recently when FOB came to stay with, who is on the autism spectrum himself, and mentioned to me that he see's a lot of similar traits in my son.

I have a feeling this might get a bit long, so please try and bear with me! I'm going to try and remember everything that he mentioned and include it all.. I have no idea personaly if all/any of these things are related to autism, which is what i'm hoping some ladies here can help me with!

My son is 7 now by the way. I suppose i'll start with baby development. He had to see a development specialist when he was a baby as he was late reaching milstones - rolled over at 8.5 months, sat unaided at 10.5 months. Unfortunately back then I got hit with quite bad depression at this point, and the rest of his milestones didnt get filled in his red book :( but looking through the comments the HV wrote in there at 13 months he was now bearing weight on his legs but not saying any words. After this visit, there was nothing.. no more specialist appts, and no more HV visits.

So, back to now! A few things FOB raised..

* His wildly irrational fear of the sea/swimming pool, for no apparent reason

* lacks fear in instances like road/cars - he will happily run straight into the road after his ball or something without a thought for cars. 

* He has to climb anything in sight - sofa, walls, signposts etc

* extremely clumsy, and can easily fall over his own feet walking along a flat surface

* can happily fall flat on his face resulting in a golf ball size bump, and make nothing of it, but.. scrape his finger on something and not even leave a mark... he will fly off the handle and scream 'in pain'

* Is extremely good at maths, can work equations a few years above his age level in his head with ease - the school head mistress referred to him as 'a human calculator' when he won the maths award at school last year

* Finds it difficult understanding things that are explained to him, you have to make sure surroundings are quiet, no distractions, and explain things to him step by step, or he'll get upset and shout the 'he doesn't know what you're saying'

* he's had numourous hearing tests, as I've had concerns about his hearing since he was a baby. It's sometimes difficult to get his attention by calling his name, even in the same room. But at other times, he will get upset about tv/radio/music being too loud, even at 'normal' volumn

* Can't tie shoelaces no matter how long i spend tryig to teach him!

* Doesn't really play with toys, if he does its either cars.. that he will just smach into things/each other or football cards, that he just sits and spends hours arranging 'into order' then starting all over again.

* Fussiest eater I have ever met!!! He'll eat jacket potato, but only with red leicester cheese or tuna.. which mustn't be touching his potato. Cheese sarnies, but only on brown bread with no butter, and mild cheese (he doesnt like red liecester in sarnies) Peppers, bananas, chicken, salad, fish fingers. he wont go near anything with melted cheese on it, execpt pizza. thats about it at the moment - but things he doesn't like often changes by the day.

Thats all I Can think of at the moment - will probably think of more as soon as I press submit :lol:

I'm a bit worried about seeing a doctor about it, he is happy, it's a bit of extra work looking after him, but nothing I cant deal with.. and I'm not sure putting him through endless medical trips and getting him labeled as being on the spectrum somewhere is the best thing for him. I don't want him being upset by being labled 'autistic'. I hope that makes sense!

What are your opinions on his 'traits'?


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## Midnight_Fairy

I could use most of those traits to describe my son.

For me, diagnosis was important for not only him but for me. Not a label, he is a child with autism not an autistic child. He is not aware of autism, he does not have a clue and if someone told him he wouldnt understand, he just not see the world in that way really, not very aware of what is going on, he just lives in his world!
Another reason for diagnosis is unfortunantly its a sad world we live in that we can not even get help for our children with a diagnosis and without it, its even harder. Diagnosis for me meant the end of one journey and the start of another. I guess it does not matter to some but it mattered to me as a way of dealing with him as he gets older and needs change/help at school/statement/support groups. Without the diagnosis it would always have been a "what if?!" and "has he got it!" kind of thing. 

Has school flagged up anything? Does he play ok with other children, does he understand the work? How is he socially at school? x


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## JASMAK

Makena has some of those things:
The lack of safety awareness
more than one step instruction
fussy eater
lacks imagination for toy play etc.

She also is in her 'own world' as Midnight said. That is a big one for Makena...I mean, she will be playing her own thing, or running her or there with no actual awareness of the world around her!! We have to 'bring her back'. Makena had absolutely no speech until she received weekly speech therapy which started with sign language and she can now carry on a coversation but she is still very delayed and she does not understand all aspects of conversation, like meanings, and the back and forthness of a conversation. She doesn't look at people or acknowledge them usually without prompting...but, we are working on some of these things. I would ask the school about how he is too. x


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## Ju_bubbs

Yeah I'm gunna talk to his teacher about it once they are back at school.. the school have never mentioned anything about it before - I'd have thought if he was autistic in any way, atleast one of his teachers would have mentioned it by now?

He always has amazing reports from teachers at parents evenings, he's 2-3 years ahead in pretty much all subjects, so doesn't seem to have problems understanding work. 

He does play with other children, tho this usually gets him into trouble once the kids realise he is very easily led, and if told to do something by another child, he'll think thats its ok to do it and go ahead. Some examples of this are breaking other childrens toys, climbing into other peoples gardens etc. He's also slightly unaware of what acceptable social behaviour is at times, and this will lead to other kids not wanting to play with him, he kinda pulls inappropriate faces for no apparent reason, and finds it very funny when other kids are upset etc. (I'm not sure if this is just usual for a boy his age, but my other kids never had problems like this - ofcourse they would join in 'naughty' things if their friends were doing it, but not nathan will just go and do it while his friends stand and watch, so they dont get introuble for it!

As for the own world thing, again i'm not sure if this is what you mean, or if its just 'one of those things' kids go through.. but I do have trouble with him not having any idea what is around him at times. For example he was once very happily playing outside in our estate, where cars park outside their houses if hte car park is full.. he was quite happily just throwing stones arund, completely oblivious to the fact that he was surrounded by several car windows, and I ended up paying to replace it! I'm not sure it's his 'own little world' or just not thinking what the consequences of his actions might be, when they're completely obvious to other children of his age without even thinking iykwim?


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## Midnight_Fairy

When I say "own little world" I mean that he understands rules and things but he has to be reminded CONSTANTLY, he will go with the flow at school but really he is just doing what he knows and the routine he knows. If I tried to talk to him about serious issues he doesnt really understand. He knows he MUST NOT run into he road but if I asked him why he would say something like "cars cant hurt me, il kick the car if it hits me" or something like that? He knows what the rules are but understanding why the rules in place I dont think he knows that.

He is aware of the world around but he is very much in his world, I dont think he realises people are different to him with independent thoughts and feelings. This is hard for him to understand. I dont think he would ever understand he has autism or know what I meant if I even told him!

My son was diagnosed with high functioning autism, he had average and above IQ but he could not get diagnosed with aspergers as the speech delay was very significant. He also has Hyperlexia and was reading by the age of 2. His sats were all average or above. However, His understanding of the work he has done, I dont personally think he understands the work. He will do all these maths sums and read all these hard books but I dont think he REALLY understands. He is just reading words....

He will laugh when people are sad, this is not ALL the time, it is heightened by anxiety. Sometimes he wont do it, he will be concerned but if he is anxious he will! He does pull lots of faces though!

My lad has just started yr 3 mainstream :( really worried for him today bless him.

Not sure about the teachers thing, they may have noticed but it just depends, my friend has a lad with aspergers (and I would say he is more severe on the spectrum then my DS) Anyway they had no idea until he started year 4, it was never picked up. I think its more obvious now he is older though.

I was told by few teachers my son didnt has ASC before he was diagnosed so maybe they are not all trained to look out for ASC but if you mention how is is doing you may get more info x


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## Ju_bubbs

Thanks fairy, this is all such helpful information! My son is moving into year 3 tomorrow, in a new class with a new teacher, so I might leave it for a few weeks, then go and talk to her instead of his old teacher.

The car thing, sounds exactly like the kind of thing my son would say, he's even been hit by a car before (nothing severe thankfully), but still 'forgets' that he cant run straight in to the road. When I remind him that he cant do it as a car might hit him again, his usual response is 'so, I can run faster than cars!'

I think maybe I'll mention it to the HV next time I get LO weighed and see what she has to say. I worry about going to my GP incase she thinks I'm over reacting, or tries to fob me off with 'he's just being a kid' type thing! 

I know I said I didn't want him 'labled' as autistic, but thinking about it now it would probably help him, not that he would understnand what it meant, but I have lots of issues with other people. My mum especially is the worst, she doesn't mean to be, but she's always so blunt, and doesn't seem to think about peoples feelings before she speaks. Because my son is so 'clumsy' and has difficulties understanding instructions, when my mum says something to him like 'can you get that bottle over there and put it in the bin' he'll have trouble grasping what he's been asked to do, and ask more questions to try and understand it, and she'll get really worked up and impatient with him, then say something like 'oh Nathan, you havn't got the sense you were born with' which really upsets him, then she'll tell him not to be silly, which gets him more upset! Maybe if I could tell her he has autism, rather than 'mum you know how sensitive he is' she might actually think before she talks! Whoa, sorry for the rant! lol

I hope your LO manages ok today!


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## Midnight_Fairy

I think its hard for family members/other people to understand. I find people with NT kids the same age find it hard. If I say " he cant help it" or "he does not understand" they dont say much but as soon as autism is mentioned, they listen. That said, only a select few know about his autism. I speak about it openly on FB as I have a huge support network but only about 8 mums up the school actually know.

I just sometimes think people understand more if they know what to deal with. Of course, some people will go home and google and obviously DS is not textbook so some of the stuff they read wont apply!

I would definitely mention to HV and perhaps have a word with a teacher. Its so hard to get your head around but honestly at least this was you can either take action or rule it out.

DS had great time at school (although hes to short for his peg) His teacher said he was fine but I guess it will show in a few weeks time when novelty wears off! x Ty for asking. P.s just ask anything you want. I have all M's paperwork and I have scanned some before just for people to read or if they have any questions.


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## Ju_bubbs

Aw glad he had a great day.. he'll have to take a yellow pages with him to reach his peg!! :lol: I was always too short for mine at school too!

Thank you so much for all your help, I really appreciate it. I'm sure there will be lots more question once my head clears a bit and Ive spoken to the HV! I'm really grateful to have the lovely people here to turn to :)


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## Midnight_Fairy

I wouldnt cope without my online support groups! I dont know what people done in days before internet :S. good luck!


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## cazzap06

My 4 year old Grandson is Autistic and was diagnosed early as his nursery picked up on it thankfully ... Both me and his Mum just thought that what were described as his 'symptoms' were just his unique quirky little ways!

So although it was a shock it has been a relief to understand Autism and therefore understand him as much as possible

I do not get frustrated with him , or criticise him or lose my rag with him but maybe that is because I adore him and am extremely close to him ( Have had him for up to a week 24/7 on my own & even though it was exhausting I loved having him and missed him when he went home! )

He starts his special needs school next week and I am staying over at my DD's house so I can see him off to school in the morning and take lots of photo's of him in his uniform and I have already warned my daughter that I am going to cry my eyes out on the day , bless! lol x


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## summer rain

Some of the traits sound like ASD but some sound like clumsy child syndrome/dyspraxia as well (and it is possible to have both)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Developmental_dyspraxia

I have all the symptoms of dyspraxia but was never diagnosed as it wasn't widely recognised when I was a kid; my youngest sister also has all the symptoms but she is a maths genius-most of those with dyspraxia struggle with maths, she now has a degree though due to her problems and some other health issues she did have to repeat some of the work and exams. Looking at your list of your son's symptoms it could describe my sister at the same age, even now you can tell her something and two minutes later she will ask you to repeat it, she also had to have loads of hearing tests done because she didn't respond to sounds and people calling her properly. She also had a lack of fear and of spatial awareness, leading to various broken bones and other injuries xx


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