# The Tucker's Adoption Journey



## DaTucker

So I see there isn't much activity in this section of the forums but I still wanted to go ahead and start a thread/journal documenting our journey!

Backstory: DH and I have male factor infertility. It took us 3.5 years to finally conceive our son naturally, and he is the center of our Universe! We have always discussed how wanting a very large family, as we are part of big families ourselves (we both have 6 siblings). We are about 1.5 years TTC #2 and decided we wanted to go ahead and go through IVF. 

About a week ago I was looking up specialists in the area and was really not as excited about it as I thought I would be. While I was searching I came across and adoption page. That's when it hit me: I wanted to ADOPT. It was like one of those epiphany moments! I was so excited and immediately discussed it with my husband. He apparently has been wanting to adopt for a while now but didn't want to tell me because I was set on having IVF. We have decided if we are meant to have another it will happen naturally like our son did, despite being told we have a 1% chance of it happening. And if it doesn't, I am 100% satisfied with that and our new decision to adopt.

I have been online nonstop looking up information, looking at children in the system available for adoption. Here in Texas the first step is to attend an information meeting. I have already contacted the lady offering a meeting on January 19th so I'm hoping she answers back soon! I know it's a good month away but from what I've seen the process is full of a lot of waiting. I'm just so excited to actually get started!


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## DaTucker

So we officially have a date for an information meeting!! It's December 19th. It seems so far away but I know there's going to be a lot more waiting in the next year.

I've been doing a lot of research and some days I'm so excited and others I just get hit by nerves. I know this is going to be such a huge and difficult change! We were at first considering adopting an older girl because there are so many older children in the system waiting to be adopted. After a while, though, I started getting worried about that. We really won't knknow this child's personality until they have been with us for a while. What if they get in and start being mean to our son? I know most of those children have emotional issues and I really need to put my son's safety first, whether it's paranoid or not. Dh and I have decided we will either wait the possible 2 years for a newborn or adopt a child no older than 4. St least this time around :) 

Hopefully the next few weeks will fly by!


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## missk1989

Hi there, we started the process in September here in the UK and I have been lurking around waiting for activity for a while now! We decided almost as suddenly as yourself that adoption was for us after conceiving our miracle birth son who is now 3. One of the first things we learnt was that any child you adopt must be 2 years younger than your youngest birth child (or any previously adopted children). I dont know if this is the same where you are but it does limit the age of child you can adopt so I would check this before getting ideas about the "type" of child you would like to be matched with. Good luck with your journey, looking forward to seeing how you get on.


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## helloeveryone

Just found this thread, good luck with your journey...and keep us posted...
I am a foster carer, and I got approved last year, 
it was good for me to get support on here, as I was so excited but didn't want to bore my friends all day about talking about it...
I will say there are lots of people waiting for baby's and some have been waiting 2 years, but babies do come up and I have got twins right now who are only weeks old...


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## dreamofabean

Ah good luck guys!
This section is pretty quiet at the moment, think everyone is busy being mommies :cloud9:
We adopted our little man in December 2013 and are just starting the process again for a sibling! X


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## Srbjbex

Hi!! Just came across this as we have made the decision to adopt and you stories are relatively similarly to my own. We have been TTC #2 for 2.5 years (DS is 3) and through that time undergone lots of tests procedures etc, and the end of the story is that my EMCS has caused significant damage preventing me from conceiving or undergoing IVF. Over Christmas we made the decision to adopt. I am in the UK too, and like you missk, we were told there must be a 2 year age gap.

I had my first initial call with a social worker on Monday where she went through all her preliminary questions..... her only concern was Elliot's age, so she was going to run through our profile with her manager and get back to me this week with whether they are willing for us to start the process with them.

Since we made this decision, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! I know adoption is not an easy process, and that it will be long and drawn out, and there are no 'perfect' children. But I am excited to start just like you guys!

Hopefully we can get a bit of momentum / support going on this thread / forum!


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## dreamofabean

Hun I wouldn't worry too much about his age. There is more than a 2 year gap. Our little man is 3 in feb and we were told that was fine as there will be scope for a child up to about 18 months once we're assessed again. 
They always say there are no babies available, but there are. Our boy was 9.5 months when placed.
Good luck!


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## missk1989

Did you get a call back Srbjbex?

We have our prep training next week and I am really looking forward to it!


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## Srbjbex

We did and it was a no straight up from that agency due to elliot's age. It's our local authority and they are a very small agency and they said that due to elliot's age (and fact we would need a child 0-2) we would be in for a very long wait as they are such a small agency. I was gutted but understood.

So then I rang my local large LA (Birmingham) and basically got the same answer!!! I was so upset. Birmingham seemed quite rude about it to be honest. 

Anyway I plucked up the energy to call another (Warwickshire) and they were lovely! I had a lovely long chat with them and have been officially invited to their open evening in Feb. :) :) they gave me the warning that there may be a wait for a child if we are approved as a single child in the 0-2 range is most desired but they were happy for us to proceed. 

So now I'm excited! Info evening on 11th Feb. 

How is everyone else?


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## dreamofabean

Hun where was your la? We adopted through Walsall and have just started again with them for number 2 x


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## Srbjbex

Solihull. I'm not surprised they said no to be honest but was really quite upset with Birmingham. How big is Walsall LA in comparison? Did they say there was much of a wait for younger children?


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## dreamofabean

It's not huge but it's part of the Black Country consortium with sandwell, Dudley and wolves. 
They said that nationally there's a shortage of children with placement orders and people are waiting a long time. However, Walsall are one of the few authorities that still have more children waiting than adopters approved. They don't give timescales as it all depends on individual cases. We have said we want a child as young as possible but no preference around gender. Walsall generally have far more boys than girls, so we'd probably have a longer wait if we stated a girl only x


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## missk1989

Don't feel down hearted! I rang about 10 LA's and was rejected from all but one. Turns out the one that accepted our application has alot of children needing placements, quite a few little ones included.


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## Turtle0630

Hi guys! I'd love to jump in here too if that's okay. DH and I started TTC #1 in June of 2014. After awhile with no luck we started the testing process and discovered male factor infertility. We talked it over and decided that IVF is not for us, but decided to proceed with adoption! I'm excited but I must admit, we're both completely overwhelmed and nervous about the whole process. So much so that I really haven't done anything to even start the process...I think I'm kind of paralyzed by the nerves. I am planning to finally try to get started soon though, and I'm happy to see some activity in this thread as maybe this is something we can go through together! Good luck, ladies! :)


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## DaTucker

Oh wow hi everybody!! I haven't posted in a while because I noticed how slow this section of the forum is and didn't think anyone would reply lol! 

It seems adoption is a lot different in the US than in the UK. There doesn't have to be any kind of age difference so we can go for whatever age we choose :) Our case worker will offer suggestions about which age they think would fit best I our family, though.

We attended our information meeting and learned so much! Unfortunately the process is long like I thought it would be. They offer the classes to prepare us for adoption/fostering quarterly so the next session doesn't start until April. When those start we have to get in 36 hours of class time, which can take several months. It seems like such a long time away!! In the meantime I'll be filling out our application for and getting our background check complete. We also have to take a CPR class and get a lot of things for the house, such as a fire extinguisher and medicine and gun safes. 

Good luck to the rest of you! How long does adoption usually take in the UK?


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## DaTucker

Turtle0630 said:


> Hi guys! I'd love to jump in here too if that's okay. DH and I started TTC #1 in June of 2014. After awhile with no luck we started the testing process and discovered male factor infertility. We talked it over and decided that IVF is not for us, but decided to proceed with adoption! I'm excited but I must admit, we're both completely overwhelmed and nervous about the whole process. So much so that I really haven't done anything to even start the process...I think I'm kind of paralyzed by the nerves. I am planning to finally try to get started soon though, and I'm happy to see some activity in this thread as maybe this is something we can go through together! Good luck, ladies! :)

I've been super nervous as well! Thankfully there's so much time in between each process that you have time for the nerves to settle lol. At least in the US!


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## dreamofabean

It's frustrating it can take so long isn't it?
In the uk the new guidelines are 6 months to be approved but then you can wait a long time to be approved, it really varies. 
With our first adoption It took 16 months from the first phone call to our little boy coming home.
We have our first appointment with our social worker tomorrow so will hopefully get an idea of timescales this time. We have the same social worker this time too so should hopefully be easier x


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## Turtle0630

Great to hear back from you, ladies! :) Adoption really does seem to be quite different in the US vs the UK! I have a friend who adopted the end of 2014 and is currently going through the process again, and having her to give advice and even tell us where to START has been a huge help. She also gave us the info for a consultant that they used, he's located in Illinois but works with people all over the country. It sounds like he was a HUGE help and while a little pricey, it sounds like it's worth every penny. He not only assembled their profile book completely for them (with their final approval, of course), but he even filled out the whole adoption application for them! And gave tips of the best states to consider adopting from, the best agencies in each state from his experience, etc. We're planning on setting up a free consultation with him soon, to begin the process. DaTucker, if you're interested in looking his website over (since you're also in the US), let me know and I'll send you a PM with the info!

We also got the info for an attorney that specializes in adoptions so we're going to reach out to her soon as well to get some info. After that, I guess we need to figure out where we want to contact for our home study and get the ball rolling! Eek, it's so scary! 

Good luck to everyone, this seems to be a scary but fun (maybe? haha!) journey!


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## DaTucker

Dream: We don't even get assigned a case worker until after our classes. Which I guess makes sense if they are wanting to make sure you're committed. How did the appointment go??

Turtle: I might be interested in it! I know going through an attorney or a private agency is the best way to get an infant, which is what my husband really wants. I might be able to convince him to cough up the money lol. 

We're going through the state right now, and other than a few expenses such as paying for the fingerprinting, etc, it's completely free! I think I'm going to request a specific sibling group, 11 and 12, if they are still available when everything is ready to go. I'm also going to request they keep us on the list to receive and infant, even if it's days or weeks after our new child/children come to live with us! I can handle 4 kids surely lol


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## dreamofabean

All went well thanks :) was lovely to see her again and we have the forms for our medicals etc now. She thinks she'll only need to make another 3/4 visits to complete assessment as she knows us very well anyway :happydance:
Datucker, would they allow that in the US? Here we had to wait 2 years from when LO was placed until we could even apply to adopt again. It gives LO time to settle etc. The only time they will bend rules is if a birth sibling is born and needs to be placed x


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## DaTucker

I haven't heard of a restriction like that. Over here they're so eager too get kids matched that I don't think it matters. I could be completely wrong on that, though. It should something I learn in April!


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## missk1989

Hi Everyone, good to see you are doing well. We are halfway through our prep training now. It is a strange experience! We have had our medicals back and DBS and are almost finished with phase one already which is good. I am a little concerned that they have cancelled two appointments this year though and how that might delay things. Only time will tell :)


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## Srbjbex

Hi ladies. Hope you're all well. Just to update we went to our info evening this week and both came away feeling very positive. Really looking forward to starting the journey. 

Picked up the registration of interest for, and the next step is to fill that in and attend a 3 stage training course. Unfortunately the only run the courses at set times in the year and we are on holiday for both the April AND July courses. So it looks like we won't be able to go on the course until September. ( we are in Wales in April so are considering driving back from Wales to the Midlands for the days of the course but not decided yet) 

So it's all good...but just lots more waiting. I'm getting very good at waiting!

How is everyone else getting on. Any more developments?


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## dreamofabean

Ah how annoying Hun! We have started our home study update now. Had DBS checks and medicals and met with our social worker twice. She met our little one again on Thursday and couldn't believe the change in him! He was really hyper and just bossed her about! Lol
Just waiting for the checks to all come back now and then we can get back onto it &#128077;


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## DaTucker

Oh man I didn't notice how long it's been since updating in here!!
Missk, I've heard they're really bad about cancelling. The state is getting a new worker out here soon so we're hoping she'll be so eager to please her new bosses that she won't cancel any on us lol.

Srb, that's really frustrating! It's the same way over here. You'd think they'd be so ready to get the kids families that they would provide classes more often.

Dream, how exciting you're on home studies! I'm so jealous lol.

We have sent in our forms for applying and back ground checks so we hope to hear from them soon and get the official go ahead for classes in April.


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## missk1989

Hi everyone! We have had our 4 day prep course and found it very informative. Just a couple of evening workshops and 2/3 more home visits before we head to panel in June. We are looking at bringing home a child by August!


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## Turtle0630

Hi, everyone! Glad to hear everyone is moving along so nicely in their adoption journey so far! It feels like such a long waiting game to get everything completed, doesn't it? 

We're finally actually getting the ball rolling on our end. We're starting with a phone meeting (and then hopefully signing up with) the adoption consultant I was mentioning before. From what I understand, he'll be able to get us pointed in the right direction of which is the best home study agency to use in our area so we can start that step, as well as starting on our profile book while we complete all the other stuff pertaining to the home study. We have our consultation meeting set with him via phone for tonight, and then hopefully we'll really be on our way! :)

It's exciting to see progress with everyone in this board! :) Good luck, all!


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## Srbjbex

Great to hear everyone is moving along! Today we sent off the official Register of Interest form so should have our first home visit next week. We decided to go for the April course in the end (driving back from Wales for the day ) as we both decided it was far too long to wait until September!! Instead we should be approved by September!


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## missk1989

Srbjbex said:


> Great to hear everyone is moving along! Today we sent off the official Register of Interest form so should have our first home visit next week. We decided to go for the April course in the end (driving back from Wales for the day ) as we both decided it was far too long to wait until September!! Instead we should be approved by September!

Wow that is fab! it is only 6 months until september so your LA must move really fast! Ours has been pretty fast compared to people I have spoken to in others authorities or private agencies. By the time we are placed with a child we have been undergoing the process for 10 months which is pretty good.


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## Srbjbex

To be honest I've been really impressed so far. They called me today and we have our initial home visit booked in for Wednesday next week. Obviously I know that the matching stage may take a while so even though we should be approved in September, I am of the mind set that we wont have a child this year. 

Remind me missk - which LA are you with?


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## missk1989

We are with Stoke on trent. According to them they start considering potential matches before you are even approved. They aim to have us back at matching panel two months after approval. So panel by june for approval and back at matching panel in August. If your LA are like mine you may well have a child by xmas!


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## Srbjbex

Ahhh - if I push the boundaries a bit I can say you're a midlander too! I'm with Warwickshire. :) That's so great that they consider matching so early - it's great to see a bit of forward planning and common sense!


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## dreamofabean

Two other midlanders! Whoop! 
It's great they start considering matches, it helps speed the process up nicely! 
We're hoping for a much smoother match this time as last time due to court delays it was 4 months from seeing his profile to meeting him. The longest 4 months of my life!! He was worth every second waiting though of course :)


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## missk1989

I actually live in Chester but because of our son being 3, none of the local agencies would take our application seems as we would only be eligible for a child up to 18 months old. Stoke on trent was the nearest we could get.


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## dreamofabean

That's crazy isn't it? Our little one has just turned 3 and our la were fine. Only specification was that he had to have been placed 2 years, so we had to wait until last December to make the initial call.


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## missk1989

There has to be 2 year age gap for birth children so I suppose that is similar to 2 years in placement. The authorities closest to us just don't have that many young children in care. I spoke to loads and alot were not accepting applications from anyone who wanted a child under 3.
It has worked out for the best though. Our council sent us loads of information about key adoption dates even though they couldnt take an application and ALL of the dates were in 2014. They sent it out in august 2015! Make me think they would have been a nightmare!


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## dreamofabean

Things happen for a reason hey?!


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## Srbjbex

Missk - Chester is beautiful. Reminds me a lot of of my home city York &#128522;and your son was born exactly 2 days after mine!! Talk about similar journeys!

Dream - couldn't agree with you more!! I hope you get a lovely smooth match this time too!!


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## missk1989

Hope everyone is doing well! I had my one2one with the social workers the other day which went well. Hubby goes next week and then they want to meet our birth son. We are almost finished! 
How is everyone else doing?


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## dreamofabean

Hi all
Hope everyone's well &#128522; we has our social worker out again yesterday. She thinks one more visit and we will be done! Provisional date for approval panel is end of June. It's nice to have an idea of timescale now. Just hoping it won't take too long to find a match, i suspect it may though. They have lots of sibling groups currently but not many singletons. Apparently it's the same kind of picture nationally. I guess time will tell!


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## missk1989

Oh great news! We should be going to panel around the same time. Our social workers say they often have an idea of who you will be matched with before you even reach panel. Fingers crossed it doesnt take long!


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## Srbjbex

Great news that's not far at all!! 

Unfortunately we've been deferred. We had our initial visit and it did go well, but my brother in law died a couple of weeks ago and the social worker has decided to move us off the April prep groups (room deal with our loss) and move us to the July groups. But we can't make the July course as were in Greece then, so it's now September for us. All positive feedback from the meet and they definitelywantus but can't help feel gutted with the delay.


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## missk1989

Sorry to hear about your BIL and being deferred as a result. Can't you continue with some of the assessment in the meantime? Get references and medicals etc done?


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## DaTucker

So sorry about your BIL, srb. I know I would be super frustrated about being pushed back as well. We're really hoping to have a little one before Christmas. On the to her hand...GREECE. I'm so jealous!!

I hope the rest of you have been doing well with all your panels and home studies! 

We start our first PRIDE classes (training classes)April 7th and I couldn't be more excited! They end mid May then all we have left is a home study and we should be good to go! They say the entire process should take about 4 months so we're looking around August to be able to start looking for a little one :)


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## dreamofabean

Ooh how exciting Hun!
Our sw visited my mom today to update her reference. My mom Made a comment about 'hopeful we'll have anew baby in family by xmas' and she apparently said she thinks it'll be a good while before Xmas! Eek!


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## Srbjbex

Oh wow that's all great news Tucker and dream!!! New little ones coming along to this thread soon!

We cant do the prep groups until September but the social worker has put a note on file to start our medical / DBVS checks from the end of July. They very much work in quarterly cycles, so wont do anything before then, BUT it should mean that the prep groups form the end of stage 1 and we can proceed straight into the homestudy. Obvioulsy we know now we wont have a new child by Christmas, but I am over this now, and looking forward to everything else inbetween - planning lots of fun things for the summer

We are at Bluestone in Wales next week, we have our week in Greece with all my family in a bigvilla, we are going to Geronimofest in May (a children's festival with some of the Cbeebies characters there), we will go to Thomasland at some point (its only 20 mins from us) and I'm planning on booking lots more fun stuff in to make it go quickly until September!!!


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## dreamofabean

We have Thomas land season passes: love it there!


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## missk1989

HI everyone, 
We are nearly finished with the home study and are hurtling towards panel (beginning of June). They want to meet our son next week. They said they want to ask him if he would be happy with a baby sister (keeps saying he wants a baby brother) - wondering if that was a hint about the child they have in mind for us.


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## dreamofabean

Ooh exciting! Our boy keeps saying a baby boy too! Lol
I know they do try to match with what child wants too. Our la always have far more boys available, so I am fully expecting to be a mommy to 2 boys! E will get his wish :haha:


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## DaTucker

I love how they match yall in the UK! I wish it was more like that here. We pretty much have to go through a private agency to get a kid younger than 3. At our orientation the lady said straight up to not even ask for a baby bc it's very unlikely it would happen. :( I'm still going to ask them to keep us in mind if any babies get put into the system, though. 

Srb, that's great they are still working to get things moving! One less thing to do after your classes. :)


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## DaTucker

Oh, and tomorrow starts our classes!! The last class is May 7th. This month is going to pass by so quickly!


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## dreamofabean

Ooh that's exciting Hun! Time will fly!
Yeah it's Amazing how well the matching works. You'd never realize our little boy wasn't our biological child unless you were told! He looks a lot like us both!


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## missk1989

Hi all,
We have had our SW round meeting our Birth son today. Went really well but we have had to move our panel date back to July as they haven't had chance to meet our references yet. Quite disappointed but hoping time passes well.
Hope your all doing well.


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## dreamofabean

Ah glad it went well! Time will fly hun, a month is nothing. Just think... Maybe your baby isn't ready yet ;) x


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## missk1989

I guess so...last time they were here they hinted that they had a child in mind but today said there were much fewer babies so may take longer after approval than previously thought. Its great for those children i suppose :)


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## dreamofabean

I find it really frustrating as unfortunately it's usually not 'great' for those children. They're generally not being returned to birth parents, just waiting on foster care longer whilst a judge tries to decide what to do :/ 
The picture nationally is fewer children with placement orders so people are generally waiting longer for a match. I guess time will tell for us all...


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## Srbjbex

Grrr I hate delays, I'm sorry that you guys are all experiencing delays too - I wonder when our first little one on this thread will arrive! I'm following all your journey's with such enthusiasm!

Obviously no news from us (there wont be now until August at the earliest) but actually, getting deferred until the Sept prep groups I think was good as I was soooo happy that we didn't end up driving back from our hol for a day - we had such a lovely time there with Elliot it would have seemed a real shame to leave him there and miss out on a day with him! And I'm looking forward to a lovely summer with him - next up is Geronimofest! https://www.geronimofest.com/

Last weekend we had some friends round who were in a similar situation to us - well, it was someone I used to work with years ago who I know had adopted after having a biological child. I got back in touch with him recently after years! he was more than happy to share his experience so him and his wife and 2 kiddos came round on Saturday afternoon - it was so lovely to see their adopted son so integrated into the family,and so happy! They got on brilliantly with Elliot and we had such a lovely afternoon they didn't leave until after bedtime! It's absolutely reassured my vision that this is the right path for us. :)


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## DaTucker

I don't think over here they actually meet the references, they just give them a call. Thank goodness bc most of our references are about 5 hours away.

Srb, it's always great to have that affirmation! I have had days where I question if I'm doing the right thing and other days where I absolutely can't wait! 

We were supposed to have our first home study yesterday and meet our social worker but the rain has been ridiculous so she had to reschedule. Apparently during the first meeting they inspect your home top to bottom, inside and out. I'm actually glad she rescheduled bc there's a particular closet in my house that's a little....inaccessible ...from being used as storage. And that's saying it nicely. It will probably take all week to sort through everything in there!! 

Our 4th class is on Saturday. After that we have 5 left, including a CPR class. There's so much to get in order!!


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## missk1989

I wish they just rang ours, it is really hard to ask a friend (who will not benefit one bit) to take time off work to meet with our social workers. I know my dad was a reference for my aunt to foster her grandchild so it is done with some LA's here.
We are having a bit of a problem organising the references on my side as they want to meet all 3 and my cousin is struggling with dates (one SW just gone part time so not many to choose from). The most recent one they gave was mid june but I think if they wait that long then we will be deferred to August as they won't be able to get paper work done. I have emailed our SW asking if this would be the case hoping they will decide to just see the two references I can get to agree to dates. :nope:


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## dreamofabean

It can be so frustrating can't it? Is there nobody you could ask to be a referee? Our sw has only visited 2 of our 3 this time, unsure whether she plans to visit the 3rd or not.
I think the hardest part of the process is just handing over control completely. I know I found it so difficult the first time, I agonised about every aspect. This time I've far more relaxed.,.. But still have my moments :haha:


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## missk1989

We already have 5, she is no.6. They are only seeing 2 from DH side so don't see why they need to see 3 of mine. That will be 5 references in person and then an extra on paper not including employer and nursery reference. Why do they need so many?? I am really frustrated with it all at the moment as I feel a bit mislead and work are doing my head it talking about needing cover etc.


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## dreamofabean

That's a lot! Our Sw met both moms, then 2 friends for our first assessment and sent questionnaires to 2 others. 
This time she's seen my mom and 1 other referee. 2 others have had a questionnaire. 
My work have been asking too but I can't give them a timeframe. Panel is 30th June as far as we know but other than that... How long is a piece of string?!
It's strange as I really don't feel like we're being assessed this time. We've seen Sw 3 times! She may come out once more, that's it! I think it's helped as its the same Sw so just feels like a catch up rather than interrogation! Lol
The nursery is decorated so e can get used to it, but other than that, nothing has changed! 
E told me today that "M (Sw) coming, she find baby for me! ":cloud9: so cute, he'll be such a lovely big brother x


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## Srbjbex

missk - wow that is such a lot of references!! I'm really hoping they come up with a practical solution. I understand they need to be thorough but like you say they have met 5/6! Would a Skype interview be possible as a compromise - I know my LA said they do that for referees that are far away. I know how much you don't want any more delays!


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## missk1989

HI ALL

Hope its going well. The social worker came back to me and said that the references will not delay us another month but they have now managed to get a date to see to them anyway and are speaking to one on the phone. Fingers crossed for a straight road from here!


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## dreamofabean

Ah that's good Hun! Yay!


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## DaTucker

That is good news! We are going to be delayed a but bc ds's babysitter had to cancel Saturday so we had to miss a class. That's so aggravating!! 

We have to provide 6 references, 3 family and 3 non family. 

We finally met our sw on Thursday!! We have a huge list of things to do (lock case for guns, fire extinguisher, FBI fingerprints...the list goes on and ON) I know May is going to pass quickly bc of every in we have to do!


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## missk1989

FBI fingerprints?? Sounds serious! 

Gutted that you are delayed too. It is very frustrating.


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## Srbjbex

Maybe we should change the name of this thread to the adoption delay thread haha!!

Wow that sounds a serious list tucker...please do enlighten us on the fingerprints!


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## tag74

:hi: Following!


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## DaTucker

Lol at the delay thread! I actually do want to change the name of it since it's all of our journeys now but have no idea how to.

Hi tag, welcome! Good luck on your adoption journey!

Today we finished the CPR/First Aid class! We still have our make-up class in July, then we're finished with all classes! Tomorrow is our FBI finger printing, which btw really isn't serious unless you have something to hide lol. Those people know everything about everyone!


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## DaTucker

Also I'm kind of having difficulties deciding if we're going to outright adopt an older child or foster a baby and cross our fingers they go up for adoption... it's such a risk to do that... but I like the thought of ds being the oldest bc he is our first. I know I need to decide soon but I just don't know...


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## tag74

:hi: following!


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## dreamofabean

Ah it's tough isn't it da tucker?
We are going straight out adoption as I couldn't take that risk personally. However, they will only place a child younger than our son, so it's an easier decision. I don't think our boy would cope with an older child coming into the home, he needs to be the oldest! 
These are all the things that people who don't adopt just don't understand. The constant agonising over whether you're making the right decisions for your family!
Our sw messaged me yesterday, all paperwork like medicals etc has been returned so she's just completing our report. We are on track to submit all paperwork for end of June panel. Whoop!


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## missk1989

HI all

Sounds like things are moving along for everyone. Very exciting. 

I agree its a tough decision to make baby or older. We couldn't foster to adopt as our son builds attachments so easily that it would be heartbreaking if the child was taken back. Also though, our son needs to be the oldest. He is super bossy and very protective.


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## Srbjbex

Yes, we have made the same decision on foster to adopt. Whilst we might be able to have the risk, there is no way we could do it to our son, to introduce a baby brother or sister when it's not 100% sure they would remain with us.

Hi tag!


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## DaTucker

I think if we fostered older kids our son would have a hard time letting them go. We have a foreign exchange student who goes home in 2 weeks and he is going to be devastated! They have formed such a strong attachment. He just loves older kids in general. He really doesn't likeep babies much so I don't think it will be an issue with him if we couldn't adopt one we fostered. Me on the other hand...

We're heading off for a family reunion/vacation in 2 weeks! We're going to Branson, Missouri with pretty much all of dh's family...and that's a LOT of people...he has 6 siblings!! It will be fun though, and a great last trip for our exchange student.

Still waiting on that last class...it is literally the only thing standing between us and our first placement. Come on July!! We did meet a couple over the weekend who recently adopted a 7 year old girl, which is the age we were possibly considering. They told about the difficulties they've been through but also told us how rewarding it is. They did say in their opinion a younger child might be better for us because of our son's age. It was great getting the perspective of an actual adoptive family! 

Dream, end of June is coming quick!!


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## dreamofabean

Ah that's great da tucker, it always helps hearing from people who have been through the process! 
Yep the end of June is fast approaching! Our sw sent us our full report on Friday. We just have to sign it and return it! Eek!


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## dreamofabean

Hi all
Hope everyone is well :) we had panel today, got a unanimous yes :)


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## Srbjbex

Hoooray - congratulations dream!!

Still waiting to kick off here, but finally feels like we're getting close. SW will be submitting all our checks etc at the end of July...so I can finally say we start THIS MONTH!


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## dreamofabean

Ah that's fab Hun! 
We were told yesterday that our la has lots of sibling groups but very few singletons at the moment, so I guess we could be in for quite a wait. Time will tell I guess.last time we were approved there were no children ready but within 5 weeks we had our son's profile, things can change quickly! Fingers crossed x


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## missk1989

Congrats!!!

We have panel next wednesday. Bricking it!


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## dreamofabean

Eek! It'll be fine Hun! Honestly, ours was so easy this time it was unreal. We were still nervous but it was fine. Just remember, your Sw wouldn't take you to panel if they weren't confident you would be approved! X


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## Srbjbex

Yay - good luck, I'm sure you will be absolutely fine! :)

I'm doing something a little different next Wednesday. I'm volunteering and helping out with the kitting out Team GB athletes for the Rio Olympics. I'm excited - hoping to meet some superstars! On my day I have athletics canoeing and track cycling so there should definitely be people I know.


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## missk1989

We are approved!!!

A unanimous Yes yesterday :)


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## dreamofabean

Yay! Congratulations Hun! X


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## Srbjbex

Brilliant news, congratulations! xx


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## Srbjbex

Hi everyone - hope you are all well. We had a lovely week in Corfu last week so back to the crushing reality of work and the British weather!

After our application was put on hold back in March, we are now back in action. We have received our paperwork for DBS checks and medicals, and our referees have got their questionnaire to fill in. Want to make sure all this paperwork side of things is sorted before we do the prep groups in September. Excited to be finally back on track!


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## dreamofabean

Ah that's fab Hun! 
Our Sw visited yesterday. We *may* have a potential link! She received details of a child so has sent all our details to their Sw and family finder. She didn't want to tell us anything but said child has just turned one (June) and accidentally let gender slip 'she turned one' :haha:
Trying to not get ahead of ourselves but I'm a bit excited lol. No background info other than told it's quite a simple history. We'll see! Ideally we would have loved a younger child, however we know we were very lucky how young E was on placement! 
We'll see.... The idea of a girl has excited me, and made me realise perhaps although I've never really said it, I'd love a daughter! 
So now we have an anxious wait to see what happens... Hate this part of the process! Lol


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## Srbjbex

Oh dream how exciting! It must be impossible to not let thoughts run away with you, that will be so quick if it is a match! Keep us posted!


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## dreamofabean

Will do Hun :)


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## missk1989

HI all, glad to hear it is going well for you.

WE have been matched with a little girl just 2 weeks after being approved and hoping to have her home by the end of September.

very excited!!


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## dreamofabean

Eek! That is so exciting Hun!! How old is your little lady? X


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## Srbjbex

This is amazing news :) congratulations

Hope the next stage all goes smoothly for you


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## missk1989

She is 9 months. Will hopefully be home a week or so before her first birthday.


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## dreamofabean

Ah that's amazing! So happy for you Hun xx


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## dreamofabean

We've had the child's CPR today. She is adorable! Managed to get a meeting with her Sw this Wednesday!


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## missk1989

YEY!! Very exciting! We are seeing lo SW this Thursday. Is there anything we should be asking?


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## dreamofabean

Read through the CPR and jot down any questions.we have literally pulled the report apart to look for anything that isn't quite 100% clear. We are very undecided at the moment regarding this child, think it's because we have our LO to think about. Last time it was just us and much easier!!! We have about 20 questions to ask sw! :haha:
They vary from simple questions about spelling of her name (2 variations in report!) to questions about parents histories and letterbox contact. 
Hoping they have a dvd with them today to bring her to life for us X


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## missk1989

Okay thanks. We only really have one question so far. It seems a fairly straight forward case and our social workers went through everything with us too.


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## dreamofabean

Ah that's good.
Just consider how long the sw has been their sw, any health issues in extended family etc.

This child is fairly simple but I'm a worrier and think when you already have a child it's taking into account their needs too. A big plus with this child is their background is similar to our lo and their are no siblings to consider, just like our LO.
Think I'm just more nervous this time as I see little issues and quirks our lo has and he was the simplest case ever, so I probably dramatise things in my head :haha:
Will feel much better tonight I hope lol. Had a good chat with my step sister who is a foster carer and she's alleviated a lot of my worries, so we'll see!


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## missk1989

Hi How did you get on?

Our SW has been in touch this afternoon and cancelled tomorrow's meeting so I am a little peeved.


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## dreamofabean

Oh no!when will they visit?
Ours didn't go quite to plan either! Her social worker was called to an emergency was just family finder. Sw is going to arrange to come out after our hol (we go away Saturday for a week). 
We got to see photos and a dvd and omg she's delightful! We still need some answers though so need that info from Sw.


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## missk1989

They haven't said when, just that they felt they had the time to delay tomorrows meeting so that both family finders and lo's SW could be present (one couldn't make it tomorrow). 
I emailed back and asked for an alternative date.

Wouldn't it be nice if these things were a bit more straight forward.


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## dreamofabean

Yup.. Welcome to the world of adoption Hun! :haha:


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## Srbjbex

Ah that's annoying about the delay hun but I'm sure something will get sorted soon. 

Dream - how amazing you got to see a DVD! I bet it's so hard to keep level headed! I know we will have similar worries (when we eventually get to this point) as the impact on our son will be huge either way!


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## missk1989

RANT ALERT

I emailed asking for a new date for what should have been today and was told the relevant people will be in touch when they have "checked their diaries".
I then asked if we had a definite panel date yet and was told that although we are on reserve for September in order to get LO home before her birthday, it is looking unlikely as there re no places. This means panel will be mid October now. I know it doesn't seem long but now there is a child in the picture it seems forever and even worse because we will miss her first birthday by just 2 weeks. I am gutted. They have said to us since day one that a match would always take priority over an approval and people would be bumped for a match to take place so I am wondering why they are not doing the same here considering how keen they were to get her home before her 1st birthday. I know they have a SW leaving and are pushing through alot of her cases - DH is livid about this as he feels they are putting her needs above the child's.
I am really struggling to keep explaining time scales to our birth son and work have got someone starting to replace me september/october whether am still there or not and keep pressuring me for a date.
The frustration is overwhelming today.


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## dreamofabean

Thanks Hun. Yeah it's lovely to see a dvd and get a feel for the little one! 
Ah missk how frustrating! We had similar with our son. We had lots of court delays and it was looking like he'd spend his first Xmas in fc. It's heartbreaking as you just want them with you. Eventually they put a special match panel on just for us as we stamped our feet and so did our Sw. Keep pushing as that's a memory you will cherish forever and if there's any chance she can be home, she needs to be!!! Xxx


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## missk1989

Did you make a complaint? 

DH wants to complain but I don't know if we should. I am upset enough to be in tears about it and I know they can put extra panels on - which is what we were told may be happening to accommodate this SW leaving but they seem to have decided otherwise.


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## dreamofabean

We didn't complain as our Sw really fought our corner and pushed her bosses so we didn't need to. 
I hate this part of the process, it's horrendous not knowing time scales and having your fate held in the hands of others :(


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## missk1989

It doesnt look like our SW will be doing the same. I may email and let them know how I feel though as I have been very accepting of every change so maybe it is time they knew how we felt.
I am really upset about her birthday. It happens to be the same day as mine and I am struggling with the idea of celebrating my birthday knowing she is celebrating hers in care.
I don't want to sit back and accept this knowing that they have the means to add a panel to accommodate those who are not part of this leaving SW caseload. I also don't want to rock the boat though.


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## dreamofabean

You don't have to moan and have a tantrum. 
Just put it very clearly that you aren't happy and cannot comprehend the reasons why a child would be allowed to spend her first birthday in care when she has a loving family who desperately want her home.


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## missk1989

Thanks that is a good way of putting it.

Thanks for letting me rant. It has been therapeutic.


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## dreamofabean

Thats exactly what this place is for Hun! Really hope things work out well for you X


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## dreamofabean

We have made the difficult decision to not proceed with the match. Oh had reservations that he just couldn't move past. I'm pretty devastated but I know we have to do what is right by us all X


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## missk1989

Oh I am so sorry. You must be feeling such a mix of emotions. It obviously wasn't meant to be though.
I hope you get another soon.


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## missk1989

We decided to email and complain about the delay and basically got an email back saying they have funding that ends soon as well as the sw that is leaving and that they are priority.
They said we can speak to the team manager if we want and we are considering it but don't want to push our luck. They don't seem to like it when people over care about things.
We are seeing them with Lo's SW next week so will play on emotions then and see what happens. Maybe they will have news maybe not. Not sure what else we can do.


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## dreamofabean

It's so tough isn't it?! 
Hopefully you'll get some news next week!
Well things have been up and down here. I was devastated when oh said that the lo wasn't right. I knew it was a mistake as she's perfect. He called our Sw and I cried for pretty much 24 hours flat. Just knew it was wrong. Fast forward 36 hours when he realized too. Bloody men!!!
We put in a desperate call to our Sw on Monday and explained he'd just had a wobble and that lo was perfect and we very much wanted to be her parents. Yesterday was our wedding anniversary and we got the best present, an email to say lo's Sw will come out to meet us on 23rd :) we've already met the family finder but the Sw was called away on an emergency. Really hoping the Sw hasn't taken against us because of oh stupidity :haha:

So yeah... We're hopefully back on track with the little lady! We're at the seaside at the moment and yesterday our son was playing with a little girl at the shoreline. She was 18 months (our potential lo would be 17/18m at placement) and it was adorable. He just loved the interaction. It left me with no doubt in my mind that it's the right decision for our family :)


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## Srbjbex

Ah dream, that's good news! Men hey!! Sometimes men need to have their wobble to realise what they want. I'm sure everything will work out for you!! x


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## dreamofabean

Thanks Hun. Could have cheerfully strung him up! Lol
We got there in the end though :) just hoping meeting with Sw goes ok and she liked us! X


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## missk1989

Oh that is such good news! fingers crossed things go smooth!


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## missk1989

We made September panel!! 

We meet LO SW and FC next week :)


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## dreamofabean

Ah honey I'm so thrilled for you!!! That's amazing news :) we are meeting lo's Sw on 23rd. No idea which panel we end up at yet, but I guess we can't complain too much as we're lucky to be where we are! I think it'll be October, we shall see! X


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## missk1989

Thats fab. We should heave been meeting FC on the 24th but it has been brought forward.
I am currently compiling a list of questions for FC. :haha:

Fingers crossed you get to October panel!:flower:


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## dreamofabean

Oh how exciting! I had a list as long as my arm for the fc with our son :haha: 
Hopefully when you meet them they'll have lots of photos for you too! Our son's fc gave us a big pack of photos that day :) 
I guess we'll know more on 23rd when we meet the sw. We have just got back from holiday today and are off to Dublin on Wednesday for 2 nights so we have enough to keep us occupied :haha:


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## missk1989

Sat waiting foe lo's sw to arrive. They are late and it's making me nervous!


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## Srbjbex

Aw bless you hun! Did they make it in the end? How was it?


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## missk1989

Yes they were just stuck in traffic. It went really well, we are seeing foster carer tomorrow which is exciting!


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## missk1989

Apparently yesterday didn't go as well as I thought. We were asked to go into the offices an hour early this morning to chat because the family finder and lo SW commented that we didn't seem that excited about the match.
Really??? We showed them the room we had decorated for lo and talked about how we had prepared our DS. Why would we do that if we were not committed. Both DH and I feel like they are trying to tell us how to feel. Yes we are excited but we still have a way to go and they are constantly telling us that nothing is certain until it is all done. How are we supposed to behave? The whole process is so contradictory and frustrating!


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## Srbjbex

What?! Oh that's crazy, we know how excited you are and we've only spoken on here! Like you say, you are holding back from letting yourself be too excited until things are certain! I'm amazed you have even decorated etc. I think that's showing loads of commitment....we're obviously not at the same point as you, but it hadn't even occurred to me that we would need to get the room ready before the match is confirmed! We have a room earmarked, but just set up as a spare single bedroom at the moment!

I'm really feeling for you hun. Let us know how you get on this morning.


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## dreamofabean

Oh for goodness sake! How annoying and not how you want to start the journey! Grrr!
How did meeting with fc go Hun? Xx


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## missk1989

Foster carer was lovely, described lo as the perfect baby. Eats anything, always happy etc.
She showed us some pics and a video. :happydance:

We are now sat wondering how we can convince them we are excited. We probably won't see them much until panel in a months time.


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## dreamofabean

They'll see when you get to that first meeting. The love flows, and the tears!! Xxxx


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## helloeveryone

You could always get a tattoo with your lo name on, 
As it stands I think you have done everything you do to do to show you are excited..

I am a foster carer, and it is lovely to see you guys seeing the children for the first time, but so hard to give my past babies up....
Missing my last little one like mad as he has only been gone a week.
Good luck, xx


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## missk1989

We have done a little collage of "why x" with pics of our DS and things we know she likes with why we feel she fits in our family and how we can support her.
WE will email it over with a message regarding what was said at the meeting etc.

Hello, I admire what you do. I know I could never care for a baby and then pass them on, job or not. You are very brave!


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## helloeveryone

missk1989 said:


> We have done a little collage of "why x" with pics of our DS and things we know she likes with why we feel she fits in our family and how we can support her.
> WE will email it over with a message regarding what was said at the meeting etc.
> 
> Hello, I admire what you do. I know I could never care for a baby and then pass them on, job or not. You are very brave!

Thanks,, I do love my job, and I think because I have had 6 children of my own, loved them raised them, that I feel like I had had mine in life, so passing them over is hard but, I would feel selfish to try and keep them...
xxxx


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## dreamofabean

Hello everyone,
You do an amazing job, I am totally in awe of foster carers, You're all incredible! I hope to foster once our kiddos are grown X


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## dreamofabean

Oh my goodness we were put through the mill today but lo's sw! She had come determined to dislike us after what had happened. She made it clear that she had only come because the family finder had insisted! Lots of questions asked about why her, what happened with dh having a wobble, etc. 
However, she said by 5 mins in she loved us and could see we were the right match! She commented on how our son looks like her,., and looking at pics I do see the resemblance now!
So our Match is agreed! Whoop! They'll hold a match meeting and then looking at panel mid October! I'm so relieved. Felt exhausted by it all! I guess at least if she's so bolshy we know where we stand with her! :haha:


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## missk1989

YEY!!! Glad it turned out okay. At least the social worker was straight with you.
We got panel paperwork today. It seems all concerns are sorted and we are going forward! I am very excited!


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## dreamofabean

Yeah I'm glad she wa honest, however brutal it was! Ha ha.
Aww Hun I'm so happy for you! Exciting times ahead!! X


----------



## Srbjbex

Wow you guys have both been through the mill, glad you've come out the other side and all matches seem to be back on track. I'm so glad you guys have found matches so quickly. It gives me a lot of hope because I've only heard negative things about how long we will be waiting (my friend was approved last October and is still waiting :( )

This week we have our medicals. Prep groups are in September....we're finally on our way it seems!


----------



## helloeveryone

dreamofabean said:


> Hello everyone,
> You do an amazing job, I am totally in awe of foster carers, You're all incredible! I hope to foster once our kiddos are grown X

Thanks, xx I have only been a foster carer for nearly two years,but I love it...


----------



## missk1989

Srbjbex said:


> Wow you guys have both been through the mill, glad you've come out the other side and all matches seem to be back on track. I'm so glad you guys have found matches so quickly. It gives me a lot of hope because I've only heard negative things about how long we will be waiting (my friend was approved last October and is still waiting :( )
> 
> This week we have our medicals. Prep groups are in September....we're finally on our way it seems!

Glad things are moving ahead.

Waiting times do appear to vary dramatically, we were presented with our match just 2 weeks after approval panel. Lets hope you have a short wait too!


----------



## Monkey78

Hi everyone,
I havent been on here for a good few months, as being a mommy has just whisked me off to a new world. We adopted our gorgeous little girl in 2014, she is 2.5yrs now, she was 9 months when she came home to us. Our whole process took 2 yrs from the date we posted our application off, and although it does seem like forever when you are being assessed, once you bring your little one home it seems like it all went so quickly. We are thinking of adopting a sibling in the next year or so too, so just wanted to wish you all good luck with your journeys. It is such a precious and special thing to adopt a child, and we feel privileged to be our daughter's mummy and daddy.

Dreamofabean - good luck with your next journey. How exciting xxxx


----------



## Axl2

Congrats dreamofbean!!


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## dreamofabean

Thanks ladies :)
We've been buying a few pink bits. So exciting! We're awaiting the 'all about me' booklet from her fc so we will know what size clothing she is in etc! Our sw returns on Monday after 3 weeks off, so they will then organise their matching meeting and also our meeting with her fc. 
I return to work on Monday after 6 lovely weeks off too... Dreading it! Helps I'm only returning for 7 weeks though hopefully :haha:


----------



## missk1989

I wish we got an "all about me book". Sounds so helpful.
We have less than 2 weeks until panel and assuming all goes well, 2 weeks tomorrow will be my last day at work!
Very exciting!


----------



## dreamofabean

Eek! Not long at all Hun! Yay!!! 
They are good, just go over clothes size, nappy brand and size,milk, toiletry and washing powder brands and then basics about routine. I want it mostly for clothes size so we can get Organised! :haha: I don't think we had it with E until after match panel! Her ff is Organised which I'm loving :)


----------



## missk1989

She did tell us those when we met but I felt like I was interviewing her with all the questions!
I have had to really restrain myself as FC said lo has at least 20 dresses! They are all she wears as she is a bit chubby!


----------



## dreamofabean

Hee hee! Yeah get her home and figure out what you like etc then go shopping :haha: 
With our little man we kept him in his clothing from fc for first month or so before starting to switch in new little bits as they were familiar to him. It took a lot of restraint!! 
Aww chubby babies are fab! Our boy was and still is super slim! Nothing to him at all bless him!


----------



## Axl2

I wish it was that fast in Canada. We still have a long wait in front of us. But looking at buying some stuff so we can be prepared for that call. Congrats ladies!!


----------



## DaTucker

Ahhh I haven't been on in forever and log on to share my news to see so much progress!! I'm so glad you ladies kept this thread up, I've enjoyed catching up on all of your stories! I'm so excited for everyone!!

So here's what's happened with us. We had our homestudy and was told it went throught very well. Then we had to wait weeks for the fire marshall and health inspector to get in. As soon as that got done (2 weeks later) our caseworker told us there was a hold up in our home study bc the lady who did it left out some stuff. Why they couldn't have told us during the 2 weeks we were waiting on final inspections just confuses me. So another 2 weeks later... hone study finally complete...last visit from caseworker complete... we know they have kids sleeping in offices right now so we were expecting a call as soon as the paperwork goes through. Well, 2 days after the last walkthrough (paperwork not even finalized) our caseworker calls and says she may have a match for us, but not to get to too excited bc it's not set in stone and she would know more by the following week. A few hours later she calls again and says our match was officially pushed through bc it sounds perfect for us! I started crying immediately lol

Anyway, we have been matched with a 2 year old Native American girl for foster with intent to adopt (and they're almost certain she will go up for adoption soon). She's the same age as our birth son and super sassy apparently lol.

I can't express how excited we are! People keep telling us not to get our hopes up bc she is just our foster daughter (or will be!!) But I know this little girl might one day be our legal daughter and I just can't wait! I'm already decorating her room and have to hold back buying clothes, etc bc I know very little about her. It's really hard not to go out and buy cute girl clothes!! 

We will meet her tomorrow and she will be moved into our house on Wednesday. I'm so nervous about how she and ds will interact and keep thinking, two 2 year olds?? Am I INSANE?? 

On top of that, she's Native American so there's a possibility she's been registered to a tribe. My caseworker says they believe she isn't, but if she is, when she goes up for adoption the tribe she's registered with has legal rights to take her and put her with a family within the tribe. It's such a huge risk on top of her not even being legal for adoption yet, but it's one I'm willing to take!


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## missk1989

That sounds amazing! Congrats! I know how you feel about trying to avoid buying things. Soooooooooo hard.


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## dreamofabean

Wow datucker! How exciting! Amazing news honey xxxx


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## helloeveryone

Lovely news, 
Hope tomorrow goes well. 
Update when you have time xx


----------



## DaTucker

Wow what a day!! I'm exhausted!!

So all day I anxiously cleaned house and tried to keep ds from destroying with each step he took (hello toddler tornado!) They finally pulled into out driveway and we walk out to meet them. Out hops this adorable little girl, with a glare on her face and ignoring all of us lol. We get inside and talk for a bit, dh and I doting on her and ds trying to play with her.

We didn't get much info on her, the cw doesn't even know her birthday!! She's only been in the system for 6 weeks so her life book was completely empty. She came with 4 sets of raggedy clothes and 3 sets of old shoes that were missing decorations, had marker drawings on them, etc. A baby doll and some medicine she had to take bc she has a dental surgery soon. That's it. No toothbrush. No extra pullups (she's potty training). It was so sad. 

So we were under the impression this was just a one hour visit and she would be brought back tomorrow to officially move in. Nope. The cw started telling her she would see her in the morning, blah blah. Dh and I looked at each other, completely confused but accepting of the fact that she would suddenly be staying with us from that point on. I think she had been sleeping in the cw's office and there wasn't anywhere for her to go tonight... it's so freaking sad. 

We also found out that she is NOT going up for adoption...they plan on reunification with her birth dad. Yes, we're sad bc we were told the complete opposite last week. But we are a foster family so it's something we will have to get used to. They think her case will go quickly so we might only have her a couple months.

She and Noah are getting along very well, and she is so sweet!! She acts like she has lived here her whole life. It's being tiring having them both running around under foot all day, but I've loved every second!


----------



## missk1989

Oh gosh! this sounds so unorganised!

At least you found out now and not a few weeks into the placement. Although still difficult, at least you will be able to think rationally and not get too attached (in a parent-child way).


----------



## DaTucker

I'm already attached lol. She's sooo girly, she likes big hairbows, nail polish, glittery shoes.... It makes my heart hurt thinking of her moving back home and them not caring enough to dress her cute the way she likes. Not saying they won't, maybe all the therapy they're going through will help them become better parents, but I still can't he being a little upset about it. Or thinking of them not playing with her, letting her be the center of their attention like she deserves... 

So age wise she is exactly 2 months older than ds. They kind of have a love hate thing going on right now lol. People keep mistaking them for twins even though they look nothing alike, then get surprised when they find out Noah is our birth son instead of Nevaeh being our daughter lol. Dh and I both have brown hair, brown eyes. Ds turned out with bright blue eyes. She looks so much like dh's family, it's insane! 

Our caseworker told us our next placement will be more permanent. Fx!


----------



## missk1989

We got a yes!

Panel have unanimously recommended we are matched with lo and we should start intros a week on monday.

So excited!


----------



## dreamofabean

Yay that's such fantastic news! :happydance:
That time will fly and your girl will soon be home xxx


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## Axl2

Yay very exciting for you!!


----------



## helloeveryone

Exciting news xxx


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## Srbjbex

That's brilliant news - congratulations!

We've had 2/3 prep groups - last one on Tuesday. Hoping they move us straight into the Stage 2 homestudy straightaway!


----------



## DaTucker

Missk, how did it go??

Srb, yay for only one more class! Hopefully they move a lot faster than over here through the last bit!


----------



## DaTucker

Well, I have told my caseworker no more 2 year olds for now haha! It has been difficult, mainly bc of ds not being nice. She is a sweet little thing but sure knows how to throw tantrums, which is something I never had to deal with from ds. I get to see the "terrible" side of the 2's with her, but still enjoying her stay with us! She eats soooo much, another complete opposite of my never-eats-anything son. But that girly sass of hers is adorable!

She has her first family visit last Monday and it went very well. Both parents were trying their hardest to get all the play time and loving in that they could. Mom wanted to meet me and started crying hugging me, thanking me for taking care of her daughter. It was so very humbling for me!

One of her CASA workers ( a court-appointed advocate) says despite what her caseworker told me about it being a short stay, it's looking like it's going to be quite a while. I don't mind one single bit :D


----------



## missk1989

Hi all. In the middle of preparations this week. I have been batch cooking and cleaning and am shattered!
Friday will be my day of rest and we will also be going to our introductions planning meeting.
Intros start on monday!

How is everyone else doing?


----------



## DaTucker

Ahhh I must have read your last post wrong bc for some reason in thought intros started this past Monday! I hope the weekend passes quickly for you!

I've been hit super hard by baby fever and wanting to be pregnant again. Guess it's something that won't ever go away :( ah well, I still have my extra 20lbs of baby weight to lose anyway lol. (2.5 years later....)


----------



## missk1989

It may go away. My period was a few days late this week and started panicking thinking I was pregnant. I would be gutted as we would not be allowed to adopt the little girl we have been matched with. 
I am not pregnant but never thought I would feel that way! Maybe I wuld feel broody again in a few years.


----------



## dreamofabean

So exciting missk!
Things here are blah :(
They had match meeting on Monday and the fc is struggling with her moving on. Don't know what went on but they ended up postponing the meeting. Up until yesterday we didn't know if the link was still secure or not :cry:
We are back on but the match meeting isn't for 2 weeks so we won't make panel in October. Gutted beyond words but relieved we will still be getting our girl! Just waiting for a new panel date now x


----------



## missk1989

Arghhhh! We got our introduction schedule yesterday and it is not the gradual introduction I was expecting!
We do 2 hours day one and the 8 hours day 2! 
Day 3 we have to be there when she wakes up at 6am! We live an hour away and have to do this about 3 times during the week! :cry:
It's a bit drawn out and they were saying they didn't think we needed so long (mon-mon) but couldn't cut it shorter because they don't work weekends and have to be there when she leaves the foster carer. 
It is about to become very very real!!


----------



## missk1989

dreamofabean said:


> So exciting missk!
> Things here are blah :(
> They had match meeting on Monday and the fc is struggling with her moving on. Don't know what went on but they ended up postponing the meeting. Up until yesterday we didn't know if the link was still secure or not :cry:
> We are back on but the match meeting isn't for 2 weeks so we won't make panel in October. Gutted beyond words but relieved we will still be getting our girl! Just waiting for a new panel date now x

Sorry to hear this. I understand that FC is struggling but surely this is about the child and what is best for her?


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## dreamofabean

You'd think so wouldn't you?! Because the cancelled the match meeting panel reports have to be submitted this Tuesday and none of the paperwork is done :(
That's how our intros were! It's crazy busy! I'm dreading it this time with E as he struggles with lack of routine! 
It's just a week though and trust me, it's exhausting, but it flies! X


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## missk1989

Well I cannot see that making a base for building relationships with the foster carer!

DS is not joining us until day 4 and by then most of the visits will be at our house so he will be saved the long journeys on most days.

I am not sure how we will cope being up at half 4 on intros week and then being the parents of 2 children starting from the monday. I am just grateful that DH has plenty of time off work to help me!


----------



## dreamofabean

I know, I just need to forget about it all. We really want to be able to have a good relationship with her fcs. E's are family to us now. We always wanted the same for her. Time will tell I guess!
It'll be just wonderful Hun! Tiring but amazing! Xx


----------



## DaTucker

dreamofabean said:


> So exciting missk!
> Things here are blah :(
> They had match meeting on Monday and the fc is struggling with her moving on. Don't know what went on but they ended up postponing the meeting. Up until yesterday we didn't know if the link was still secure or not :cry:
> We are back on but the match meeting isn't for 2 weeks so we won't make panel in October. Gutted beyond words but relieved we will still be getting our girl! Just waiting for a new panel date now x

Oh wow, I'd be super frustrated if I was in your position. Fc's know their kids will eventually move on, they (we) are told from the beginning. If they are having hang ups over her moving on to a new family, that's their problem. Why make your family suffer a bit over it? But like you said, you are still getting her and she will be YOUR daughter one day soon!!


----------



## DaTucker

missk1989 said:


> Well I cannot see that making a base for building relationships with the foster carer!
> 
> DS is not joining us until day 4 and by then most of the visits will be at our house so he will be saved the long journeys on most days.
> 
> I am not sure how we will cope being up at half 4 on intros week and then being the parents of 2 children starting from the monday. I am just grateful that DH has plenty of time off work to help me!

Sounds like you will be exhausted, but it will be so worth it!! At least the intros make sure you don't have to dive in blind :)


----------



## DaTucker

I've still got baby fever, mainly bc we had a visit with family over the weekend and there were soooo many babies! I'm really hoping our cw finds us a little one for our next case. 

I'm sitting here during fd's family visit (2 hours long) and just enjoying the peace and quiet in my van. I'm not going anywhere, just sitting all alone for the first time in 3 weeks. It feels like heaven lol. I might even *gasp* take a nap!!


----------



## missk1989

Hi All,
We had our first visit today and it was so sweet! She fell asleep in my arms after a bottle but she was a bit wary and cried not long before that. She was tired from no nap in the morning.
I can't wait to see her again tomorrow.

Tucker, sounds like there is alot going on - have that rest and enjoy it!


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## missk1989

Sent a pic of her to my cousin who was a reference, she text me an bour later saying she had sent it to her dad and close friends??? :Not very comfortable with that at all!


----------



## dreamofabean

Eek! The memories of today will stay with you forever, I still remember meeting E like it was yesterday! 
Grrr I would have huge issues with that too! What is wrong with people really?! 
Really hope the week goes well Hun! She'll be home before you know it :cloud9:


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## DaTucker

I wouldn't have been comfortable with the either....she should have at least asked you first! Glad the first visit went well!!


----------



## dreamofabean

Hi all
We finally have good news! Sw emailed us today, match meeting is organised for next week and match panel for end of October! Only delayed by 9 days! So relieved


----------



## Srbjbex

Aw so pleased its all going well for you guys and that you haven't been delayed by too much dream! It's so real for you!

We've finished prep groups and just waiting to move on to stage 2 for the homestudy. Called up yesterday and they are waiting on a reference from DSs health visitor, who are being slow getting back to them! Grrr! The LA are being really good though at chasing up, so I have confidence in them to push it through!

I really want to know who are allocated SW is and get cracking!


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## DaTucker

Awesome, dream!! So glad you weren't set back too much!

Srb, it does seem like a lot of waiting, doesn't it??


----------



## DaTucker

Someone in our area just got placed with 3 siblings: a 3 year old boy, 2 year old girl, and 2 day old boy. :shock: I wouldn't even know how to handle that!!


----------



## missk1989

Hi all, glad to see things are moving. Fingers crossed for your meeting next week bean.

Intros are going so well. The FC is great and from day 2 has let us do everything. Today (day 3) we took her out on our own for 4 hours! She is a delight and didn't bother with anything.

Tomorrow Ds meets her and I cannot wait!!


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## dreamofabean

Aww so glad it's going well Hun!! I'm so excited about E meeting P so can understand just how excited you must be :cloud9: our son was an absolute delight for intros too and we convinced ourselves that he'd struggle when he moved but he took it all in his stride! X


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## missk1989

She is home!!! 
Parenting 2 and keeping the house an acceptable state is not going to happen! HAHA.


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## dreamofabean

Whoop! Biggest congratulations Hun! Can't wait til we have our girl home :) 
Match meeting with fc and Sw's is happening tomorrow. Hope it goes well this time!!!


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## missk1989

Fingers crossed for you. Let us know how it goes x


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## dreamofabean

Will do Hun! Really hope your little lady settles ok and your son is adapting well.
Any tips will be gratefully received &#128521; Xxx


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## Srbjbex

Congratulations hun!! Hope all the settling in goes smoothly - not that you're going to have any time to update us ! :haha:


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## dreamofabean

Match meeting went well! Panel on 27th! Whoop!


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## Srbjbex

Brilliant news! 

And we officially completed our Stage 1 and got our SW allocated to us today! :D


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## dreamofabean

Yay! That's fab news honey x


----------



## DaTucker

Missk, I hope your baby girl is settling in well!! And you're right, keeping a clean house is very difficult with 2 young ones!


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## DaTucker

Dream, so exciting!! The 27th isn't far off at all!


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## DaTucker

Srb, awesome about getting your sw! That's when it becomes all too real!


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## DaTucker

So today marks 4 weeks we've had fd and I think after another month I'm going to approach our cw about getting us a baby or another kid for a more permanent situation. They're trying to get fd to her dad by November so the timing would be perfect!


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## dreamofabean

How's it going with your two Hun? Do they get on? 
Yeah that would be perfect timing! Fingers crossed x


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## missk1989

OOO, it all sounds exciting on here!

We have had a mixed week so far. Started great, slept through 2nd night and has been very relaxed.
Today is lo birthday so MIL asked if she could drop off some cards last night. DH said yes but you cannot stay and do not interact with her. So she walks in (with his dad in tow!) and sits down on the couch saying hello to her! FFS!
Anyway, lo started screaming and we asked them to leave.
I am not impressed. I told DH before she even arrived that she would use birthdays to see her before we were ready.

So last night she was really unsettled, up for over an hour before we got her back to sleep. 
Lesson learnt. Need to be more forceful.


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## dreamofabean

Yeah Hun, do be! We had the same kinda issue with my in laws trying to push too.
For a good month or so we only had us at the house, we always took e to other people's houses to meet them as then home was our safe place x


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## missk1989

How are we all trucking along?

We have had a few difficult nights and some very early mornings! The early mornings have been stuffing up the routine which has led to a very overtired and upset baby. Hopefully we have set it right tonight. Fingers crossed we are not up at half 4 tomorrow!


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## DaTucker

Have you been getting more sleep, missk? I hope baby is settling in a little better now!

We had a visit with our cw and let her know we are ready for another kid as long as they are school aged or a baby. She's worried about getting us a baby bc it's very hit or mis when it comes to them going up for adoption. She did say she will definitely be looking out now that we're ready. But I'm thinking we'll end up with an older kid, which is fine as long as they get along with ds. Still want to be able to hold a sweet baby every day, though!!


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## missk1989

We have had less sleep if anything! She has been teething so was up every hour last night. Seems much better today. 

I forgot how hard they are at this age!


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## dreamofabean

Oh no missk! We were really fortunate with E that he never really lost sleep. Bless her, teething sucks! How is your son responding to it all? Does he love his little sister? 
I know a few friends use the amber bracelets for their kids and said they're great, have you tried one?


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## missk1989

We haven't tried the bracelets, DH is concerned the beads will come apart despite the "extra safe" labels attached.

DS quite likes her when she isn't crying. HE likes entertaining her by being silly.


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## dreamofabean

Yeah I can understand that fear. 
Ah bless him! That's really sweet :)
E can't wait to meet his sister,he keeps asking when she will be coming home! Whilst we were shopping last week he chose a dress for her and now shows anyone who visits the dress that he chose :)


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## missk1989

Aww, that is adorable. DS chose a bath toy for lo but it turned out he wanted it really so was just a ploy to get it!:haha:

He does tell everyone he speaks to about her though.


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## dreamofabean

Ah bless him! I'm trying to involve E as much as possible in the hope it'll help his accept her. We shall see eh?!


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## missk1989

Yes we did the same. Showed him pictures and talked about her alot. Talked about things she liked and about what we might do when she came home.
It seems to have helped. He has taken to her quite well.


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## dreamofabean

That's fantastic Hun. Awww I can't wait to meet our girl, it seems like the never ending wait!


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## DaTucker

Just got a call from our case worker...they have a 3 day baby girl who needs a foster home and we're going for it!! As soon as we get the info on when she's being discharged from the hospital we're picking her up!


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## missk1989

Oh wow! Is this a more permanent prospect or not likely?


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## dreamofabean

Oh wow datucker! How exciting, a teeny tiny tot! Do you know when your foster daughter will leave you? X


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## DaTucker

Yeah scratch that. A family member stepped up last minute and took her. I'm frustrated bc she has 4 other siblings in foster care so why would a family member step up for her and not them? As my case worker said, it's the name of the game for foster-to-adopt! 

Our fd will possibly be going home I'm November, hopefully by then we have a little baby in our arms!


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## Srbjbex

Hi all - looks like exciting developments all round!

Tucker - massive credit to you - there is no way I would be able to cope with the emotional ups and downs of your Foster to Adopt Journey, I'm not good without certainty! Hope you get a little bubba soon!

We've met our social worker now and she is booked in for weekly visits for the next 6 weeks to complete our homestudy. That's much speedier than I thought it was going to be. Once she's then had time to write up the report etc (and Christmas is out of the way) she thinks that we will probably aiming to go to panel in February. Which suits us completely so I'm really happy everything is moving along so well!


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## missk1989

Good luck for tomorrow Dream.

Things are going well here. LO is sleeping through and DS is getting on quite well with her - except for pushing her in the bath today (she slipped and went right under the water and he just laughed at her) I know he was just playing but I swear he forgets she is real sometimes!

Friends from our prep group went to approval panel today and were deferred. I am gutted for them. They didn't even get into the room. They turned up at their allotted time, SW were called in and 40 minutes later came back to tell them the bad news.
I am not entirely sure why. They are really good people but have had alot of delays along the way. I feel really bad as we have sailed through and have our lg already.


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## dreamofabean

Thanks Hun :) starting to get nervous now!!
Ah it's great the kids are getting settled together now! I think we'll have plenty of incidents like that with our lo!
Oh no, what a shame! Hopefully they won't have to wait too long x


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## dreamofabean

Little pink is officially ours :cloud9: so thrilled!
We met her foster carer this afternoon who was absolutely lovely! Found out lots more about our little girl who sounds like she is a whirlwind! Ha ha. Roll on 14th November when we meet her!


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## missk1989

Amazing! Congratulations!

Our friends met with management of our Agency today to see what the problem was and it turns out their SW had never written a PAR on her own before and had messed up.
She had essentially taken someone elses PAR and changed the names. Their was no management around to check so it went to panel.
Devestated for them.


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## dreamofabean

Oh my goodness! That is awful!! What will happen now Hun? Such a shame!


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## missk1989

They pretty much start again. They have been put on panel for December and the manage of the team is doing their assessment herself.


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## dreamofabean

Oh how disappointing! Poor people :(


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## missk1989

How are you getting on Bean? 11 days to go!


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## dreamofabean

Hi lovely!
I'm ok thanks Hun :) finding it tough to concentrate on much but otherwise ok! Lol. Trying to get everything sorted in the house and prepare as much as we can for xmas before we meet little lady!
E is super excited to meet his sister! We bought him a fabric photo album and he takes it everywhere! It's even been to bed with him on a few occasions! Ha ha! 
How are things your end??xxx


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## missk1989

Aww that is so sweet. Things are good here. DS keeps saying how much he loves DD - and in the next breath shouting at her for pinching his toy :haha:
DD has started to self settle some nights which is great. She is very smiley but still having a few wobbly moments. We are seeing her FC next week.


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## dreamofabean

Oh how sweet! How long has little lady been home now? Weeks just merge into each other! Lol


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## missk1989

I think we are coming to the end of week 5. They really do merge! The only reason I know what day it is, is because I take DS to nursery 3 days a week!


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## dreamofabean

Ha ha! E goes every morning so I'll be in trouble! :haha:
Gosh that's flown by!


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## missk1989

It has gone by fast. Feels like she has been here for ages!

E must be very excited!


----------



## dreamofabean

He's super excited, as are we!
Can't believe I have 3 days left at work and then I'm done! Eek! It still doesn't really feel real at the moment! X


----------



## Axl2

Congrats Dreamofabean!!

I just seen on a blog that one of waiting couples have been on the list for 2.5. And I was on the agency page and they have only placed 31 babies so far this year. So I'm kind of questioning with I made the right decision with picking adoption over IVF. I wish it wasn't such a hard road.


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## dreamofabean

Ah Hun how frustrating, it's so hard waiting isn't it?
We have friends who also live in U.K. But a different area and they waited almost 2 years for a match, they were despairing. On Monday they also meet their 7 month old daughter! So excited for them, their perseverance paid off! Yours will too sweetie x


----------



## missk1989

Dream was today the day???
HOw did it go?


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## dreamofabean

It sure was!!
Oh my goodness, little miss P is just amazing! We were in awe of how confident she is, she approached us within a couple of minutes and quickly engaged in play with us. By the end of the 2 hours she was sitting on laps, playing with my hair and gave us kisses as we left :cloud9: 
She's a little whirlwind, constantly on the move but is so happy. She giggled continuously and has the cheekiest little face! She's just amazing xxx


----------



## Axl2

Yay so exciting Dream!! When does she go home with you?

I know it will happen, seeing people post that they have been waiting for so long makes me worried. I just really hope that my husband and myself being early 30's and no kids will make a difference in us getting picked faster.

I seen on news they are having a 3 part segment on open adoption I hope that if there is more awareness out there the number of babies placed will go up.


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## dreamofabean

All being well, she will come home next Monday :)
It will happen hun, have faith!! X


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## missk1989

YEY!


----------



## Srbjbex

Oh how exciting!! I'm super excited for you! Having had you two go through and getting a match so quickly really does give me hope - I also know people who are waiting for a long time for a match which must be so difficult as most people who come to adoption will have already had some kind of journey to get to that point.

We are progressing well with our homestudy. 2 more sessions booked in for next week, then I *think* that is it for our home visits - after that, our SW will be following up on our references with their interviews etc and writing up our report.

We are aiming for panel in Feb (most likely the 2nd Monday in Feb so the 13th) - we potentially have the option of January but that is super busy for OH at work so we've said to SW to not push ahead for Jan and just go for Feb. I'm really pleased with how the homestudy is going - its not as scary as I thought it was going to be, in fact I cant really believe we only have 2 sessions left. We also went through and thought about what kind of child we would / wouldn't be willing to accept. In passing, our SW half indicated that we would probably be placed for around the summer time - I'm probably reading too much into it but that would be amazing if it was!

Interestingly, our SW is also going through the process to adopt and is about a month behind us in the process!


----------



## Axl2

How exciting dream!!

Srbjbex things are progressing for you! And wait is sometimes tuff but I have faith that it will happen eventually.


----------



## dreamofabean

Hi all
Well we are home &#128525; Can't quite believe the day is here! We are a family of 4!
The past week has been tough! Our boiler has broken so we've had no hot water or heating and E has tonsillitis, all on top of introductions! We've dragged our way through it all though!
Little miss P is a little diamond! She's so inquisitive and clever and has real character! She certainly puts her brother in his place! 
Looking forward to a few low key days now before E returns to nursery and family start to meet little lady x


----------



## missk1989

Yey! I have been waiting for your update with anticipation. :) 
So glad she is home even if the week has been tough.

Enjoy your time as a family of 4! All I can say is I am shattered!!


----------



## missk1989

How is it going so far bean?


----------



## dreamofabean

Hi all
All is going ok! I feel slightly like I've been ran over! :haha:
E is gradually bouncing back from his tonsillitis but it's been a long haul bless him! Little lady added to our stress this week by coming out in hives on 4 occasions over 36 hours! I think it could be her bubble bath that was triggering it but not sure. I also think the stress of the move has played a factor.
We are slowly finding our feet and getting used to life as a four. E loves his sister but can be very heavy handed with her! She is a little diva who keeps us on our feet constantly! Lol. She was incredibly spoilt by her foster carers so we are having to lay down some firm boundaries and she is fighting and pushing them all! Ha ha. She's a real sweetie though and as bright as a button!
Hope everyone is ok xx


----------



## Axl2

Congrats!!


----------



## Srbjbex

great to hear you're settling in - sounds like chaos, just how it should be!! Keep us updated when you get a chance!

Well we have completed our main homestudy sessions - just one more visit for SW to chat to DS - she is aiming to have our report written this side of Christmas, if not first week of Jan. Panel 'booked' for 6th February. That's happened at lightning speed! I think January will drag - it does generally anyway, but knowing we have panel in Feb will make it even worse!


----------



## missk1989

How is everyone doing?

Things are settling well here and we are super excited for xmas!


----------



## dreamofabean

Hi all
Glad things are settling well missk!
In all honesty, things my end have been tough! E has regressed a lot over the past couple of weeks and we've had to deal with lots of negative behaviours. He and his sister are very much determining their pecking order so there is lots of bickering and fighting going on... constantly! Ha ha. 
Little miss is settling very well, her sleep is slowly improving too. She has always cried out in her sleep and has night terrors so we've had lots of sleepless nights and I think this had a huge knock on effect with E bless him. It seems to be settling though so fingers crossed!
I wasn't going into the second adoption naively and expected problems but I honestly did not expect to feel as exhausted as I have been!! It's been incredibly draining!

So looking forward to hubby finishing work today so we can really get into the Christmas spirit! Xx


----------



## Axl2

Happy New Year everyone!! So our sw let us know that we are 146 on the waiting list there are 29 families ahead of us that are on hold, matched or recently placed so our active number is 117. I'm a little frustrated I thought we would be further down the waiting list. And I'm frustrated with the agency they really don't give updates and for the amount money that we have paid there should be more communication. I'm trying to be positive about the whole adoption process but its hard sometimes.


----------



## missk1989

HI Axl,
Sorry to hear it is slow moving. I take it you are not in the UK?


----------



## Axl2

No I'm in Canada. Even said to the sw that it doesn't feel like we have moved at all and no response. It's like they get your money and they don't care anymore. I'm so frustrated! And then I misplaced our homestudy report. So not having a good week.


----------



## Axl2

So I emailed the receptionist at the adoption agency to find out if our profile has been shown it hasn't which doesn't surprise me. We have moved to more spots so we are now 115 I feel a lot more positive this week than last week. The joys of the adoption roller coaster.


----------



## missk1989

I would be tempted to ring them every week until they get fed up and put you at the top :haha:


----------



## Axl2

Yeah I wish it would work that way. They show the couples who have been the list the longest.


----------



## Srbjbex

Hi everyone! I've not posted in a while, not much to report really! We did have panel lined up for 6th Feb, but we have unfortunately been pushed back to 27th Feb (due to matches taking priority).

Frustrating, but really in the big scheme of things not too much longer. But all assessments are completed so nothing to do at our end other than wait. We have been told though that because our panel date has been moved back once, then we definitely wont be moved again as their policy is to only push back once, so at least we know for sure now!

I'm so rubbish at waiting though!! haha!


----------



## Axl2

Its right around the corner. Super excited for you!!


----------



## dreamofabean

Hi all, hope everyone is well! 
Things are ok here. I'm not going to lie, the past 3 months have been super tough! 
E has struggled with the addition of his sister to our family. She is a bolshy little madam to put it lightly and it's taken a lot of adapting for him bless him! He adores her, but they clash a lot and he can be rough so we can't just leave them alone together for long!!
He regressed a lot so it was tough initially having 2 kids who were emotionally 18m! 
Little lady has settled well, she is such a funny little sausage. She is extremely busy and I'm sure she is half monkey the way she climbs :haha:
The only issue we have is sleep! She cries in her sleep a lot! We've had one night sleeping through in 3 months! Some nights it's every half hour she is waking us screaming. So we are exhausted to put it lightly! 
We're slowly getting used to our new routines though and finding our feet as a family of four. 
E is slowly coming back to his pre P self and we finally feel like we're getting our boy back.


----------



## Axl2

I think that's normal. And I think the sleep thing will eventually get better. Do you know anything about her past?

We are still waiting to be placed our update is in April. I asked the agency if our profile has been shown yet and it has not. And yesterday I was let go from my job which sucks, but I'm gonna take some time off and finish my school! Everything happens for a reason!


----------



## Srbjbex

Hi everyone.

dream - I think what you describes sounds perfectly normal for adding a sibling into your family! E will be competing for your attention now, so thinking if he acts like a baby then he will do. Sounds to me like you're doing just great :) although I know it wont feel like that, especially with the lack of sleep!! Hang on in there, you'll come out the other side soon!!

Axl - really sorry to hear about your job! That's rubbish! Hopefully you can use this opportunity to do something different! I don't know if anyone's watching This is Us (I LOVE it!) but there was a bit in the first episode that's really stuck with me when the doctor said 'when life gives you lemon, taken them and make lemonade'.

AFM - we we had our approval panel on Monday and I'm pleased to say we got a unanimous yes! :D We're over the moon obviously. Now we just have to wait for a match. I was fully geared up to wait a long time, told myself it would be at least months before we hear anything! BUT our SW has got our hopes up a bit and said they (unusually) have loads of babies coming through at the moment!! more babies than prospective couples, and she let slip our profile has only ready gone out once! So now despite telling myself it would be ages, she's gone and got my hopes up!


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## Axl2

Hey all so our 1 year update is next month. I have a feeling that the sw won't be on the ball. But I was on adoption agency page and they are talking to 13 birth moms 3 are already matched so hopefully our profile will be shown. I think the frustrating part is I feel like asking questions to our sw like she is annoyed, and has no time for us. But trying to be hopefully I'm trying to make a list of stuff we will need just incase we get a call for an instant placement.


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## missk1989

Hi all how we doing? Any closer axle?
We had court today but birth mum contested so we are looking at a few more weeks before it is official.


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## Axl2

Hey still waiting. We haven't heard from our social worker to book our appointment for our update. They have placed 10 babies so far this year so hoping we get the call soon. 

That is so frustrating that the mom contested. What happens if she contests again?


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## missk1989

Mum was given 2 days to submit a statement of why she felt she had made enough changes to look after her etc but hasn't done it. Hopefully this means the order will be granted on the next court date.

I hope you get your match soon.


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## Axl2

My fingers are crossed for you!! Hoping everything goes your way!!

I'm so frustrated with our adoption agency. We still haven't heard from them about our update, and I'm stubborn so I'm not calling them. I feel like we have paid them a lot of money and they should have some kind of tracker. But on a positive note my husband bought us a trip to Vegas for our 5th year anniversary. Super excited! I'm making him a sign with our last name and date of our wedding date. Hopefully hes as excited as I am lol.


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## Axl2

So the agency finally contacted me today. And now because they took so long to contact us, our schedule won't work with my husband work and our holidays. So I think we will be able to do our update either end of June or in August. I'm hoping that the update goes good I'm having a little anxious. This process has been brutal.


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## missk1989

Oh AXl, How disappointing for you.

Our case did not go as expected. We had a new judge and she felt there was something missing. Mum turned up with someone she wanted to present as a potential guardian and said she wants to make another statement. Apparently she had submitted a statement when we were told otherwise by the courts.
The judge deferred the case until July but legal are apparently trying to move it forward.
I went a little crazy and started ranting at the SW when she told me. I was in tears and just couldn't hold back. She tried her best to reassure me but I just couldn't believe it. JULY!! What is the point in all this? She said the plan is still for DD to be with us so I cannot understand the logic of delaying it so much. I have to go back to work in July!


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## Axl2

Wow that sucks missk1989. I really hope it goes your way. I hope the judge looks at whats best for the child, and moving the child from your home isn't fair to the child. 

So we have our apt booked for end of June then she lets me know that we need to study our homestudy not sure why. If I would have known we needed to jump through some hoops and be treated this way I would never have went down this road first.

Also I'm not to happy with some of the sw comments in the homestudy report. Not sure how that's going to go.


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## Srbjbex

Hi all 

I know it's been quiet on here on late as life has taken over, but I wanted to share my news that we have been matched with a little girl. All going well, we should be proceeding to panel on 17th July, with intros starting on the 24th. After what feels like a journey that's taken a long time it now seems all very quick which is great!

Hope all is well with everyone else!


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## dreamofabean

Ah honey that is amazing news! You must be so excited! 
How old is your little lady? X


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## Srbjbex

Thank you!

She is 1 in August so about 11m by the time we hopefully get her home!! Will be lovely to have her home for her first birthday


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## dreamofabean

Awww that's so lovely! We celebrated e's first birthday 2 months after he came home, was just lovely!
Soooo exciting for you!


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## missk1989

All sounds very exciting! We had DD's (and my) birthday 3 days into placement. She and DS are running riot at the moment!


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## Srbjbex

I'm so excited - we wrote our responses on the panel paperwork yesterday so really feels real now! So panel in 2 weeks and (assuming all goes well) intros in 3 weeks!


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## Axl2

So we had our 1 year update in June. We were told that our profile probably won't be shown until we have been on the list for 2 years. I wish they would be more honest about those things. Our sw told us that it would help if my husband quit smoking so he finally has. Hes on day 9!


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## Aayla

Hi everyone. I know it's somewhat quiet here but I would love to come and join. After 7 years we are done trying for a bio child. Adoption was always a part of my family plan. 
I am in British Columbia Canada so things are done a bit differently here. We are going through the ministry for the Waiting Child program. We have to go for counselling to deal with the loss of the potential bio child. Which part of me understands but part of me thinks it sucks because it's like they treat adoption as a last resort. But we have an appt for Aug 29 with a therapist who specializes in infertility and adoption. 

There is an online profile we have to do before we can apply and so my hubby has to go to a government agent to prove his identity. This way he has access to some of the profiles of the children who are in foster care. I have already done mine. Then our profiles will get linked and we can apply. Which should all happen tomorrow (Aug 22, I am writing this late on Aug 21). 

We have a lot to do to prepare our apt for a child. Our roommate just moved out and we have some big furniture we have to get rid of. but nothing that wouldn't take a hard working weekend. 

We are looking to adopt a child from newborn (rare) to 10 years old (most common). I'm 39 and hubby is 37. So an older child would work for us. We are also willing to accept siblings.


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## Axl2

Hey Aayla, I'm in Alberta my husband and I are adopting through private agency. We have been on the waiting list for a little over a year. Good luck with everything and hopefully the wait isn't long for you!


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## Aayla

Thanks! Application is in. All I have to submit is the doctor form, who I am seeing Monday. Then we wait for the invite to the education part. I am hoping it happens soon as the next one is in Oct and they fill up fast and they are 15 weeks long, and then we get to do the home study. I wish they combined the time.


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## Axl2

So I'm having an issue with my sw she won't respond to my emails so I have to resend the email. Then she will respond with I must of over looked your email. Like we have paid a lot of money for her not to over look my emails. And its not like I email her a lot. I'm not sure how to address this issue. Any ideas would be great. And the other thing that is frustrating me is when we had our 1 year update she told my husband that we might get placed faster if he quit smoking, and if he quit this summer that by Christmas she would change my husband to non smoker in the spreadsheet. Now shes saying she won't change it until our next update. I find it so annoying that everytime we talk to them they tell us something different. I'm starting to think that we made the wrong move by pursuing adoption.


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## Aayla

I don't think you made the wrong choice but just don't have a great social worker. Which does happen. If you are using gmail you can get Contact Monkey on a free trial or it may be worth to pay for it. It shows you if someone has opened your email. I found it useful just for a business purpose. I thought maybe I was suddenly going to spam. Nope. they were opening the emails. Just not responding. 

This is usually better than sending a 'read receipt" as the person can say no to that and contact monkey is only on your end. So only you know if you are being lied to. 

I do hope it goes better for you! And give a huge congrats to your hubby for quitting. It's not easy and every day is a huge step forward.


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## Aayla

AFM: all the documents have been sent in. The last reference was sent in today. By snail mail. ugh. lol So now we wait for the ministry to get that and the other checks to finally go through. 

We got some bedroom furniture. a Bunk bed (no mattresses), a dresser, and a desk. We plan on adopting at least one older child but hopefully a sibling pair. 

just trying to keep busy while we wait. I am hoping we can get into the education part for October. That's 15 weeks long so the sooner we get in the better. After that is our home study. 

all in all we are hoping that by this time next year we will be matched.


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## Axl2

So our sw emailed us to let us know that if we want it updated in our profile we either wait until our next update which is in April, but will most likely happen in June or July like this year. Or we pay another $500 in December to update our profile that states my husband is a non smoker. Even though we just paid $500 for our update. I feel like its all about the money with the agency. I am super proud of him!! Next Tuesday marks 2 months and 1 week since he quit!! 

Wow 15 weeks is really long and I thought 11 hours was long lol. Have they said how long it will take to be placed?


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## Aayla

Oh wow. That does seem like a money grab. What is included in an update? Do they come to the home to verify or do they just type a sentence? 

No idea how long it will take for us. We do the education part first. Which consists of a new topic each week. I think the length allows us to make sure we don't rush it and we actually absorb what we are supposed to be learning and not powering through just to get through it. With the ministry we have all sorts of topics to cover: older children, Aboriginal children, special needs, sibling groups etc. 

After the education part we finally get our home study. During the education part we can change our mind about what we thought we may have wanted based on stuff we may learn and so this is where our file gets updated if needed as well. 

If someone is looking for a near healthy brand new (or close to) baby then they will wait for years. But if you are willing to accept older children, sibling groups etc you get placed much faster. 

We are looking for newborn to 10 years, could be a single child or a sibling pair, and there are lots of special needs we are willing to take on. So our placement should be quick.


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## Axl2

So for the update we drive to Edmonton spend roughly 1 hour and half with sw. Then she sends us update of what we discussed. It is complete joke. So far with the recent update we have spent $9000. What I don't like about the whole situation is that we really can't do anything because the agency holds all the cards.

I'm thinking if we don't get placed by next year I think we might do IVF. I wish infertility didn't suck so much!

Yeah when we did our seminar they tried to cover as much as they could in 11 hours. And we had to wait until after the seminar to do the homestudy. I don't think you have to wait very long there are so many kids in the system.


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