# So sad today



## mhazzab

Hi girls...sorry, I'm just feeling so sad today and had to get it out. It was my dads funeral this morning, I managed to get through it okay but now I am just lying in bed crying my eyes out. 
My dad died, this Saturday is the four year anniversary of mums death, and I miss my girls so much. Almost all the important people in my life are gone. I don't understand why I have been made to suffer so much. 
I've been finding it hard to grieve for dad, and it makes me feel guilty - but maybe I just have nothing left to give after grieving so hard for my daughters...

I'm sitting looking at my photos of my girls, they are so beautiful, I wish I could hold them right now and everything would be okay.

I just had to get that all out, thanks for reading xxx


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## yazoo

Massive hugs darlin. :hugs::hugs::hugs:

You are such a strong beautiful woman and you will get through this. Right now your Mum & Dad are taking after your beautiful wee girls and looking down on you giving you the strength to keep going. I am sure your Dad understands about you not being able to grieve properly. You have had so much grief in your life lately and I think that for anyone losing a baby or babies is the hardest thing in the world and in a sense prepares us for anything life throws at us. Maybe that is why you are finding it harder to grieve. Sorry I am rambling now but I hope you know what I mean. 

Right now your Dad would want you to be strong. He is with your Mum and his gorgeous grandchildren & he is also with you keeping you strong. We are here for you at any time babe. I'm sorry that life is so unfair and you have to go through so much grief but I know you can get through it. I wish I could give you a big RL bear hug right now but I can so I'm sending some virtual hugs. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Nikki_d72

Aw I'm so sorry hon. Life is so unfair sometimes. I think in time you will get comfort that your little angels are with your parents and are all looking over you but I know at the moment you won't be feeling like that. I think the grief you feel over losing a child is so different - no matter how awful it is to lose a parent, on some level you expect it to happen one day, where you never expect to lose a child, so the grief is different. You have had so much pain already, losing the girls your grief for your Dad would always feel different. he was ill for a while as well, wasn't he? I hope I've got that right. I think in this case there can be a strange sense of almost relief, as they are no longer suffering, don't feel bad if you feel that, it's compassion. I know my friend said that after her Dad passed from cancer, they were all releived he wasn't suffering any more and were more prepared for it too. 

I hope you can cry it all out and feel a little better when you are ready. Take the time for yourself to do whatever you need to. 

Huge hugs to you and your little angel and floaty kisses to your lovely girls. xxx


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## KamIAm

Hi Sweetie.... :hugs: Yes, I am sure today was another horrible hard day for you to have to endure... You have incredible strength... :flower: Don't feel guilty in anyway for how you are feeling, grieving or anything... Remember, Everyone is different and deals differently and at different times... He knows just how much you love him and how you feel... He knows Hon' ... :flower: Just as your mother knows and your daughters .... What a family reunion you will be having one day... Such sweet thoughts ..:kiss: Keep your pretty chin up and know we are always here for you... :hugs::hugs:


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## Andypanda6570

:cry::cry::cry::cry: You are going through so very much. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your dear father. You have lost a lot but I promise they all are ok and watching over you always. :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
I can't even imagine how you are feeling and then trying to be happy for yourself also, which you should be, i know it must be so hard.:hugs::hugs::hugs: I am thinking of you and always sending love and hugs. Things will get better ..XOOX I will light a candle for your dad tomorrow when I go to church..OXOXOXXOO :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## Hellylou

I'm sorry I missed this thread yesterday hun, I was lying in bed crying my eyes out too... :hugs::hugs:

You have been through a terrible time lately. I am thinking of you:hugs:. The grief for your little ones is going to be different to the grief for your dad, and it will probably come to you in different ways and at different times. It will be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you have that little light growing in your belly and that will see you through these dark days.

Hugs :hugs:


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## SabrinaKat

I'm so sorry, honey. 

Unfortunately, we lost my FIL a few months after my mc -- whether you're religious or not, I like to think of my FIL 'up there' looking after my lost little one (and probably having a great time as my FIL was one of the nicest people I have ever known)....maybe your parents are looking after your little ones as well?

best wishes


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## KamIAm

That is exactly what gets me through.... My grandmother raised me, and is THE BEST, I was VERY priviledged to have her as my mother... But she passed 4 years ago, and I KNOW my Emma is with her... I invision her rocking Emma and singing all her silly lil songs and telling her all her stories ... :flower:

Big Hugs to you today ...:friends:


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## DueSeptember

* I know how it is to Lose a parent My Mom passed away a month after Maya passed away from cancer  I felt like I was being punished for some strange reason but then I was thinking I know it's all for a reason...Maybe one day we will look back and try to understand all of this sadness that has happen this year...I want to Hold my Baby too  I didnt even have time to grieve over my Baby because in July my Mom passed....Keep your Head up High...Sorry for all of your Losses...There is GOOD coming our way girl I know there is Happiness in store for us in the Future *


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## Andypanda6570

DueSeptember said:


> * I know how it is to Lose a parent My Mom passed away a month after Maya passed away from cancer  I felt like I was being punished for some strange reason but then I was thinking I know it's all for a reason...Maybe one day we will look back and try to understand all of this sadness that has happen this year...I want to Hold my Baby too  I didnt even have time to grieve over my Baby because in July my Mom passed....Keep your Head up High...Sorry for all of your Losses...There is GOOD coming our way girl I know there is Happiness in store for us in the Future *

I am so deeply sorry, that must have been so hard for you :cry::cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## DueSeptember

Andypanda6570 said:


> DueSeptember said:
> 
> 
> * I know how it is to Lose a parent My Mom passed away a month after Maya passed away from cancer  I felt like I was being punished for some strange reason but then I was thinking I know it's all for a reason...Maybe one day we will look back and try to understand all of this sadness that has happen this year...I want to Hold my Baby too  I didnt even have time to grieve over my Baby because in July my Mom passed....Keep your Head up High...Sorry for all of your Losses...There is GOOD coming our way girl I know there is Happiness in store for us in the Future *
> 
> I am so deeply sorry, that must have been so hard for you :cry::cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...

*It has been hard but I know they are Both watching over me now so I have some kind of comfort...I felt like my whole world came down on me all at once...I cant believe I am still standing...It has been a hard year *


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## amotherslove

I'm so sorry, that's just awful. :( I couldn't even function without my mother, she's been staying with me too, since lily... I really dunno how you do it. You're so strong.


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## Andypanda6570

DueSeptember said:


> Andypanda6570 said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> DueSeptember said:
> 
> 
> * I know how it is to Lose a parent My Mom passed away a month after Maya passed away from cancer  I felt like I was being punished for some strange reason but then I was thinking I know it's all for a reason...Maybe one day we will look back and try to understand all of this sadness that has happen this year...I want to Hold my Baby too  I didnt even have time to grieve over my Baby because in July my Mom passed....Keep your Head up High...Sorry for all of your Losses...There is GOOD coming our way girl I know there is Happiness in store for us in the Future *
> 
> I am so deeply sorry, that must have been so hard for you :cry::cry::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:Click to expand...
> 
> *It has been hard but I know they are Both watching over me now so I have some kind of comfort...I felt like my whole world came down on me all at once...I cant believe I am still standing...It has been a hard year *Click to expand...

They are definitely watching over you, believe that fully , cause it is Soooooooooooo true...XOOOXOX:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## SarahJane

I am so sorry babe and wish I could make you feel better. I am so sorry for your losses :hugs:


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## mhazzab

thanks girls, I knew you would make me feel better...:hugs:

I was just feeling sorry for myself on Thursday...just mad because it feels like I have lost so much, and I keep wondering why me?

feeling much better today, I'm trying to be positive and moving forward.

I have my consultant appointment on tuesday morning, the appointment letter came with details on a scan, so hoping I am getting one. The midwife told me yesterday that some of her other girls who have been through the same as me, got scans every two weeks, so we will see what happens. 

Meanwhile, I am clearing out my dads house in preparation for us to move in...it's the house I grew up in, and is beautiful, dad was so happy when we said we wanted to live there, it will be a great place to bring up our little baby :)

I also found some funny photos of my parents when they were younger, that made me smile!

xxx


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## Nikki_d72

Glad you are feeling a little better hon. So glad you are moving into your childhood house, it sounds like that will bring you so much joy and it's so good it made your Dad happy to know. Big hugs xxx


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## MummyStobe

Mhairi you have been through so much in such a short space of time and I admire your strength, you are an amazing person.

I'm sure your mum and dad are both looking after your girls for you and they are all watching over you. 

I'm glad you're able to move into your childhood home, I'm sure you and your family will create some amazing memories there to add to the ones you already have. Xx


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## MummyStobe

DueSeptember said:


> * I know how it is to Lose a parent My Mom passed away a month after Maya passed away from cancer  I felt like I was being punished for some strange reason but then I was thinking I know it's all for a reason...Maybe one day we will look back and try to understand all of this sadness that has happen this year...I want to Hold my Baby too  I didnt even have time to grieve over my Baby because in July my Mom passed....Keep your Head up High...Sorry for all of your Losses...There is GOOD coming our way girl I know there is Happiness in store for us in the Future *

I am so sorry for your losses xx


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## babylou

So sorry for all of you that have lost parents/carers, especially around our difficult times.

I don't know how I would have coped without my mum. OH was working away the day life turned upside down:cry:, and my mum was with me the whole time.:hugs:

Love and hugs to all :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## DueSeptember

MummyStobe said:


> DueSeptember said:
> 
> 
> * I know how it is to Lose a parent My Mom passed away a month after Maya passed away from cancer  I felt like I was being punished for some strange reason but then I was thinking I know it's all for a reason...Maybe one day we will look back and try to understand all of this sadness that has happen this year...I want to Hold my Baby too  I didnt even have time to grieve over my Baby because in July my Mom passed....Keep your Head up High...Sorry for all of your Losses...There is GOOD coming our way girl I know there is Happiness in store for us in the Future *
> 
> I am so sorry for your losses xxClick to expand...

*Thank you  *


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## DueSeptember

amotherslove said:


> I'm so sorry, that's just awful. :( I couldn't even function without my mother, she's been staying with me too, since lily... I really dunno how you do it. You're so strong.

*My Mom Helped me get through when my Baby passed too...My brother was born stillborn so she knew exactly what I was going through  I am Blessed to have my Dad, Sister and My Boyfriend they really were there for me  *


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## mhazzab

DueSeptember said:


> MummyStobe said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> DueSeptember said:
> 
> 
> * I know how it is to Lose a parent My Mom passed away a month after Maya passed away from cancer  I felt like I was being punished for some strange reason but then I was thinking I know it's all for a reason...Maybe one day we will look back and try to understand all of this sadness that has happen this year...I want to Hold my Baby too  I didnt even have time to grieve over my Baby because in July my Mom passed....Keep your Head up High...Sorry for all of your Losses...There is GOOD coming our way girl I know there is Happiness in store for us in the Future *
> 
> I am so sorry for your losses xxClick to expand...
> 
> *Thank you  *Click to expand...

I meant to say that too thanks for being here for me. I bet your Mom is looking after little Maya for you, just like I hope my parents are looking after my little girls...xxx


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## DueSeptember

mhazzab said:


> thanks girls, I knew you would make me feel better...:hugs:
> 
> I was just feeling sorry for myself on Thursday...just mad because it feels like I have lost so much, and I keep wondering why me?
> 
> feeling much better today, I'm trying to be positive and moving forward.
> 
> I have my consultant appointment on tuesday morning, the appointment letter came with details on a scan, so hoping I am getting one. The midwife told me yesterday that some of her other girls who have been through the same as me, got scans every two weeks, so we will see what happens.
> 
> Meanwhile, I am clearing out my dads house in preparation for us to move in...it's the house I grew up in, and is beautiful, dad was so happy when we said we wanted to live there, it will be a great place to bring up our little baby :)
> 
> I also found some funny photos of my parents when they were younger, that made me smile!
> 
> xxx

*I am glad you feel better....I am following you on the Pregnancy  You should make a Journal...I saw your Post about Christmas I am thinking of getting a tattoo of my Maya's Name and a little footprint before Christmas to remind me she will always be with me Forever*


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## mhazzab

DueSeptember said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> thanks girls, I knew you would make me feel better...:hugs:
> 
> I was just feeling sorry for myself on Thursday...just mad because it feels like I have lost so much, and I keep wondering why me?
> 
> feeling much better today, I'm trying to be positive and moving forward.
> 
> I have my consultant appointment on tuesday morning, the appointment letter came with details on a scan, so hoping I am getting one. The midwife told me yesterday that some of her other girls who have been through the same as me, got scans every two weeks, so we will see what happens.
> 
> Meanwhile, I am clearing out my dads house in preparation for us to move in...it's the house I grew up in, and is beautiful, dad was so happy when we said we wanted to live there, it will be a great place to bring up our little baby :)
> 
> I also found some funny photos of my parents when they were younger, that made me smile!
> 
> xxx
> 
> *I am glad you feel better....I am following you on the Pregnancy  You should make a Journal...I saw your Post about Christmas I am thinking of getting a tattoo of my Maya's Name and a little footprint before Christmas to remind me she will always be with me Forever*Click to expand...

aww thanks. maybe I should do a journal...surely the only way is up from here, right? Can't get much worse...

A tattoo for little Maya is a lovely idea, it will always be with you.

I'm not really a tattoo person, so that option is out for me. Before he died, my dad insisted on buying me a pandora bracelet and he bought me some beads to go on it that would mean something to me, and I could have forever Two of the beads have each girls footprint, and their name engraved on it. the bracelet and the beads are so precious to me, for my children and for my dad. :cry:

xx


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## DueSeptember

mhazzab said:


> DueSeptember said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> thanks girls, I knew you would make me feel better...:hugs:
> 
> I was just feeling sorry for myself on Thursday...just mad because it feels like I have lost so much, and I keep wondering why me?
> 
> feeling much better today, I'm trying to be positive and moving forward.
> 
> I have my consultant appointment on tuesday morning, the appointment letter came with details on a scan, so hoping I am getting one. The midwife told me yesterday that some of her other girls who have been through the same as me, got scans every two weeks, so we will see what happens.
> 
> Meanwhile, I am clearing out my dads house in preparation for us to move in...it's the house I grew up in, and is beautiful, dad was so happy when we said we wanted to live there, it will be a great place to bring up our little baby :)
> 
> I also found some funny photos of my parents when they were younger, that made me smile!
> 
> xxx
> 
> *I am glad you feel better....I am following you on the Pregnancy  You should make a Journal...I saw your Post about Christmas I am thinking of getting a tattoo of my Maya's Name and a little footprint before Christmas to remind me she will always be with me Forever*Click to expand...
> 
> aww thanks. maybe I should do a journal...surely the only way is up from here, right? Can't get much worse...
> 
> A tattoo for little Maya is a lovely idea, it will always be with you.
> 
> I'm not really a tattoo person, so that option is out for me. Before he died, my dad insisted on buying me a pandora bracelet and he bought me some beads to go on it that would mean something to me, and I could have forever Two of the beads have each girls footprint, and their name engraved on it. the bracelet and the beads are so precious to me, for my children and for my dad. :cry:
> 
> xxClick to expand...

*That sounds so Sweet!!!! I dont have any tattoos but I want to get one of her Name and a little footprint or Heart...My Boyfriend wants to get one too but he is going to put her date she passed away  We plan on getting married on Christmas lol if it is possible to get someone to Marry us that day haha*


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## mhazzab

DueSeptember said:


> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> DueSeptember said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> mhazzab said:
> 
> 
> thanks girls, I knew you would make me feel better...:hugs:
> 
> I was just feeling sorry for myself on Thursday...just mad because it feels like I have lost so much, and I keep wondering why me?
> 
> feeling much better today, I'm trying to be positive and moving forward.
> 
> I have my consultant appointment on tuesday morning, the appointment letter came with details on a scan, so hoping I am getting one. The midwife told me yesterday that some of her other girls who have been through the same as me, got scans every two weeks, so we will see what happens.
> 
> Meanwhile, I am clearing out my dads house in preparation for us to move in...it's the house I grew up in, and is beautiful, dad was so happy when we said we wanted to live there, it will be a great place to bring up our little baby :)
> 
> I also found some funny photos of my parents when they were younger, that made me smile!
> 
> xxx
> 
> *I am glad you feel better....I am following you on the Pregnancy  You should make a Journal...I saw your Post about Christmas I am thinking of getting a tattoo of my Maya's Name and a little footprint before Christmas to remind me she will always be with me Forever*Click to expand...
> 
> aww thanks. maybe I should do a journal...surely the only way is up from here, right? Can't get much worse...
> 
> A tattoo for little Maya is a lovely idea, it will always be with you.
> 
> I'm not really a tattoo person, so that option is out for me. Before he died, my dad insisted on buying me a pandora bracelet and he bought me some beads to go on it that would mean something to me, and I could have forever Two of the beads have each girls footprint, and their name engraved on it. the bracelet and the beads are so precious to me, for my children and for my dad. :cry:
> 
> xxClick to expand...
> 
> *That sounds so Sweet!!!! I dont have any tattoos but I want to get one of her Name and a little footprint or Heart...My Boyfriend wants to get one too but he is going to put her date she passed away  We plan on getting married on Christmas lol if it is possible to get someone to Marry us that day haha*Click to expand...

oh wow, that would be lovely to get married at christmas, it would give you both something nice to look forward to x


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## Nikki_d72

Your bracelet sounds lovely, Mhairi - so precious. What a lovely Dad to think of that. xxx


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