# I need some support...



## misspriss

Well, I have always wanted a homebirth. I was born at home, I am low risk and see home as the best place to have my baby.

However, in the US, homebirth is not usually covered by insurance. We don't have the options that people in other countries have. I have been seeing a midwife for my homebirth since 10 weeks. I am currently almost 27 weeks.

My midwife costs me $3000, plus the cost of a tub liner (if I want waterbirth) and my two required OB visits. She may or may not be paid partially by my insurance, but I am not sure, so for now I am assuming I will pay all out of pocket.

My doctor (who I went to first) would have cost me $900, the rest covered by my insurance. The hospital stay would be covered by my insurance. My most out of pocket would be $1500 (since I stayed in network on everything). In fact, I have better insurance now and have two insurances, so I might actually pay less.

I was willing to pay more than double for that. But now my husband and I are talking about buying a house. That extra $2,200 would come in really handy. We need to buy appliances and stuff to go in new house. 

I want to cloth diaper, another up front expense.

I am having difficulty finding an OB to see me for my 36 week appointment. I have been turned down by 4 OB offices "We don't do homebirths". I am unsure of how my short term disability will work, seeing as I don't have a physician to sign off on things. Now for my insurance company to cover my breast pump, they are requiring a prescription so they will know what type to give you.

I am beginning to think I may need to switch to an OB and just opt for a natural birth in the hospital, which is totally doable I understand. I mean, is my long-time desire to have a homebirth worth missing out on the things I want, like the bigger house or the nicer appliances to wash my cloth diapers, and the cloth diapers themselves...

I feel like I would feel like I chickened out or something. It's very frustrating and I don't want to even bring it up with DH yet because I'm not sure what I want to do. Although I feel home is the best place for baby to be born, is it worth the extra cost and frustration? The system in our country is set up for OB care and hospital births. Going against the system takes time, effort, and money...I'm just frustrated and I don't know what to do.


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## misspriss

Well hey don't everybody jump in at once....:nope:

Well DH was super supportive. He said he didn't want me to give up anything I wanted because I was worried about money. He is awesome like that. Guess he is all I need anyway.


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## solitaire89

Hi hon! Was not about when you posted either first or second time (is night time here in the UK ;) )

I personally would say that the home birth is the way to go... You can move at a later date, but you have only one shot at this birth.

Is there no way you can do both - move and have a homebirth? Do you have to get new appliances? Could you make do with the old ones for a while longer in the new place? Cloth nappies (diapers) you can pick up pre-loved which should help to cut costs... Just a thought. I hope you get sorted though!


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## misspriss

solitaire89 said:


> Hi hon! Was not about when you posted either first or second time (is night time here in the UK ;) )
> 
> I personally would say that the home birth is the way to go... You can move at a later date, but you have only one shot at this birth.
> 
> Is there no way you can do both - move and have a homebirth? Do you have to get new appliances? Could you make do with the old ones for a while longer in the new place? Cloth nappies (diapers) you can pick up pre-loved which should help to cut costs... Just a thought. I hope you get sorted though!

Thanks so much! :flower: I wondered about the time difference, I swear they need a world time clock. Yesterday I was a positive mess. I was pretty much on the verge of crying or screaming all afternoon and I texted my sister and she didn't call back and I emailed the realtor and she wouldn't call back and no one replied and I was feeling quite sad and lonely.

Well, the numbers are just so dang tight. We have plenty of income, but no money for downpayment really. We have been saving for months - _to pay the midwife_, so we didn't have enough excess money to save for both, since we have been hardcore paying off the credit cards. We will have enough money to make mortgage because DH and I decided that 6-8 months more on the credit cards was worth buying a house.

We currently live with my dad, so we don't have old appliances, they stay with him! We do have a fridge, we can make that one work, but not the washer and dryer, which are the expensive ones anyway.

DH said the same thing you did, and I agree. He said he thought I must just be having a bad day and it will all work out. He is awesome supportive. I think it will all work out, so Im going to keep going with my homebirth plans. I am still frustrated about finding an OB. I have a phone number of one that I should be able to get with, but I wont be calling him until next week. I dont want to screw up the weekend.

Thanks again! I was having a super awful day. It isn't much better today so far (I swear I am more nauseous approaching the 3rd tri...).


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## solitaire89

Poor thing - just try to take it easy.

As for the dryer, so you NEED one? I'm not sure what your weather is like there, but we're just coming into spring, so washing gets thrown outside to dry. Or, if the house has the space, give one of the rooms over to drying racks whilst you raise funds for a dryer. That's what we do, because we can't afford to run the dryer at the moment. And, yes, we cloth nappy (diaper) too, so it can be done without a dryer :) Have even been known to wash nappies by hand too when the washing machine has failed, but I'm not going to offer that as a possibility!


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## fionar

I know the feeling.

Our insurance has so far denied all my services with my midwife, but I actually just sent an appeal in to the state to get them to MAKE my insurance cover it - we'll see how that goes.

Your midwife should be able to sign off on your disability - mine did with my first son, and there was no issue there.

Money makes it so stressful. Do you have a flex spending account through your employer? I know that will cover it at least with pre-tax dollars... have you spoken with your midwife about a sliding scale or a longer term payment plan or anything like that?


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## NaturalMomma

I understand your frustration. We're homebirthing for the second time, and second time we have had to pay out of pocket. We were facing the same thing, homebirthing and moving, and we decided to stay in our home for a little longer so we can have a homebirth before we move.


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## misspriss

There is no room for a birth tub in our home, unless we just cram a bunch of furniture together or something to make room. It was going to be in our room - now the baby dresser sits there. Then my husbands office - now the rocker recliner stays there.

I don't want to stress about the animals poking holes in it, so it can't go in the common areas - plus I want a little bit cozier of a room. I really hope we can move before the baby comes and have our baby born in our new home with lots of space.

Things are looking a lot better today, we started the ball rolling on financing and we are going to look at a strong contender tonight. I hope all goes well. We also got our taxes done last night, but apparently the IRS won't even accept our return yet because we need a form 8863 and they aren't taking those until "mid-February". Well that's our down payment people, we need it and we need it now! Ugh, dang IRS!


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## jensha

Insurances suck! When I moved to the US 5 years ago, I couldn't even afford to try to get pregnant because our canadian insurance wouldn't cover anything here. *big hugs*

Do you have access to a birth center? It could be a good compromise. I'm in Washington state and very lucky to have one close to my place. It's run by licensed midwives and is "in the network" ( whatever that means!) so totally covered by my insurance.


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## misspriss

jensha said:


> Insurances suck! When I moved to the US 5 years ago, I couldn't even afford to try to get pregnant because our canadian insurance wouldn't cover anything here. *big hugs*
> 
> Do you have access to a birth center? It could be a good compromise. I'm in Washington state and very lucky to have one close to my place. It's run by licensed midwives and is "in the network" ( whatever that means!) so totally covered by my insurance.

Nope, no birthing centers, in network or not. My insurances covers ONE midwife, who doesn't deliver babies (not at a hospital, not at home, not anywhere!). I have a feeling if I was savvy enough and had the time and effort to put into it, I might be able to demand my insurance cover my out-of-network midwife at in-network rates, because they do not have someone in-network that offers what I need (since their midwife doesn't deliver babies!), but I don't know enough about insurance to know for sure.


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## solitaire89

misspriss said:


> There is no room for a birth tub in our home, unless we just cram a bunch of furniture together or something to make room. It was going to be in our room - now the baby dresser sits there. Then my husbands office - now the rocker recliner stays there.
> 
> I don't want to stress about the animals poking holes in it, so it can't go in the common areas - plus I want a little bit cozier of a room. I really hope we can move before the baby comes and have our baby born in our new home with lots of space.
> 
> Things are looking a lot better today, we started the ball rolling on financing and we are going to look at a strong contender tonight. I hope all goes well. We also got our taxes done last night, but apparently the IRS won't even accept our return yet because we need a form 8863 and they aren't taking those until "mid-February". Well that's our down payment people, we need it and we need it now! Ugh, dang IRS!

hey :) you seem, despite the problems you're up against, a lot chirpier tonight :) if its any consolation, we had to vanish our dining room to fit a birth pool in. My oh's study became a "mixed use room" and its only 4 and a half paces by 7 and a half paces (not big steps, just normal walking paces). hell, we even replumed the house to have a home birth... But that might just be cause we have a "tame" plumber for a mate ;) You can make this work, and you will have a fantastic birth wherever you birth your baby, be it your new home or your existing home.


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## misspriss

solitaire89 said:


> misspriss said:
> 
> 
> There is no room for a birth tub in our home, unless we just cram a bunch of furniture together or something to make room. It was going to be in our room - now the baby dresser sits there. Then my husbands office - now the rocker recliner stays there.
> 
> I don't want to stress about the animals poking holes in it, so it can't go in the common areas - plus I want a little bit cozier of a room. I really hope we can move before the baby comes and have our baby born in our new home with lots of space.
> 
> Things are looking a lot better today, we started the ball rolling on financing and we are going to look at a strong contender tonight. I hope all goes well. We also got our taxes done last night, but apparently the IRS won't even accept our return yet because we need a form 8863 and they aren't taking those until "mid-February". Well that's our down payment people, we need it and we need it now! Ugh, dang IRS!
> 
> hey :) you seem, despite the problems you're up against, a lot chirpier tonight :) if its any consolation, we had to vanish our dining room to fit a birth pool in. My oh's study became a "mixed use room" and its only 4 and a half paces by 7 and a half paces (not big steps, just normal walking paces). hell, we even replumed the house to have a home birth... But that might just be cause we have a "tame" plumber for a mate ;) You can make this work, and you will have a fantastic birth wherever you birth your baby, be it your new home or your existing home.Click to expand...

Yes, I am feeling a lot better today, thanks! 

Well DH's office is already "mixed use" although it's a full sized "second bedroom". It is his office, storage, entertainment, and some baby. The rocker recliner is in there so when the baby wakes up in the night I can rock the baby there instead of the living room (much closer). We would move it, but you literally have to disassemble it to fit it through the doors. We will probably, if we do end up being here when baby is born, kick the baby dresser to the side or something, it is small and light. 

I have this dream that we are in our new place though...a girl can hope! It will have 3 bedrooms, so baby clothes and stuff can go in babies room, and stroller, and jumperoo, and bouncer...and DH can have his own private office back, and we can still have a bedroom too! And a bathtub. Midwife encourages an herbal bath after birth, but I don't have a bathtub, so no bath for me....if we get a new house, I can have my herbal bath! :happydance:

Yes, much more chipper today, lets hope it stays that way! I think it will though, I have gotten a lot accomplished today, that always improves my mood! :happydance:


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## misspriss

solitaire89 said:


> Poor thing - just try to take it easy.
> 
> As for the dryer, so you NEED one? I'm not sure what your weather is like there, but we're just coming into spring, so washing gets thrown outside to dry. Or, if the house has the space, give one of the rooms over to drying racks whilst you raise funds for a dryer. That's what we do, because we can't afford to run the dryer at the moment. And, yes, we cloth nappy (diaper) too, so it can be done without a dryer :) Have even been known to wash nappies by hand too when the washing machine has failed, but I'm not going to offer that as a possibility!

Well, my parents didn't use the dryer as much as I do, but I don't stay at home - I have one day a week to do the laundry, maybe part of a second day. I don't see how things get dry fast enough hung around. Plus, I have allergies and hate line-dried smell, depending on the season makes me stuffy. We might make do for a few weeks, but I don't see it being a long-term solution.


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## misspriss

fionar said:


> I know the feeling.
> 
> Our insurance has so far denied all my services with my midwife, but I actually just sent an appeal in to the state to get them to MAKE my insurance cover it - we'll see how that goes.
> 
> Your midwife should be able to sign off on your disability - mine did with my first son, and there was no issue there.
> 
> Money makes it so stressful. Do you have a flex spending account through your employer? I know that will cover it at least with pre-tax dollars... have you spoken with your midwife about a sliding scale or a longer term payment plan or anything like that?

Hm, well I have two insurances, one that specifically states that midwives will not be covered - the other one is quiet on the issue. Midwife bills at the end. She is going to allow me only pay up front what I assume the insurance will not cover, but if the insurance denies the claim I will have to pay the full amount. I'm fairly conservative, so I'm banking on having to pay the full amount. 

I would have had to opt to do the flex account at open enrollment, and I didn't.

We'll just have to see. We got enough back on our taxes to cover the down payment on an FHA loan, and I understand that I can put the closing costs in my loan on FHA, but I want to have money on hand in case things come up. We have enough money in the bank right now to pay the midwife in full, but I am worried the insurance won't cover and we will have to pay her all of our savings and our tax money goes to down payment and then there is nothing left for appliances and other stuff. But I think we can work it out. It's just my mind going into overdrive worrying about stuff I have no business worrying about. I am going to assume that the insurance WILL pay. Positive thinking!


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## Fortune Cooki

Some homebirths end up having to transfer to the hospital. Since you are having money issues and insurance issues it would seem rather annoying if you tried to homebirth and ended up transferring anyway. Sounds expensive!


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## misspriss

Fortune Cooki said:


> Some homebirths end up having to transfer to the hospital. Since you are having money issues and insurance issues it would seem rather annoying if you tried to homebirth and ended up transferring anyway. Sounds expensive!

My only insurance issues are with the midwife, hospital birth and OB care are well covered!

My midwife has already said if we end up transferring, she switches her rate to a doula rate and I would not owe her as much. I would still pay $1500 or less at the hospital because of my insurance(s). I don't know how much of a discount the midwife would give me, but it would still be scarcely more than I would be paying for the midwife anyway in total. 

I really doubt I will have to transfer. I know the statistics are high, but statistics also include people who want to "_try_ a homebirth, and if it doesn't work out..." That isn't my attitude. I am going to have this baby at home, for sure, unless I _absolutely have to go to_ the hospital! I'm also low risk and having no issues whatsoever. I was born at home. I am motivated and confident in my ability to have a homebirth.

We found out that the house we like (that we put an offer in on) qualifies for the Rural Development loan which allows us to put no money down, so that is good. I am a terribly conservative budgeter, so I am always worried and we usually do not have any problems. Accountants are like that, we are terribly risk-averse. 

But, I'm going on with the birth that I want and I feel is best for me and the baby. We also put in an offer on the house. We're going to do it! I really appreciate all the support! :flower:


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## fionar

misspriss said:


> I really doubt I will have to transfer. I know the statistics are high, but statistics also include people who want to "_try_ a homebirth, and if it doesn't work out..." That isn't my attitude. I am going to have this baby at home, for sure, unless I _absolutely have to go to_ the hospital! I'm also low risk and having no issues whatsoever. I was born at home. I am motivated and confident in my ability to have a homebirth.

This this this. I NEVER say "I'm going to try a home birth". I say "I am having a home birth". Good attitude.


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## lynnikins

sounds like you are working through your worries, personally id be buying the washer/dryer secondhand if i needed to use the money for something else, our whole house is full of secondhand and gifted to us furniture and with 3 young boys and soon another little pair of hands to draw on things and break things im very thankful for that, we did buy a new washer when we moved as there wasnt one here that worked and we needed it but we saved on our fridge got it for under £12 on ebay, yes its older but it works and we will save up for a new one when we have paid our debts down. ive sourced 2 singles and 1 double bed from secondhand sites since we moved to kit our spare rooms, our bedframe i got secondhand for a steal 2 years ago. I know how nice it is to have new things and to start out nicely but my stance is that pre-loved is good enough for now and we will buy nice new things when we can afford them. Got to hunt a bed for ds3 as we will need the cot for the baby and ds3 will be nearly 2 by then


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## misspriss

lynnikins said:


> sounds like you are working through your worries, personally id be buying the washer/dryer secondhand if i needed to use the money for something else, our whole house is full of secondhand and gifted to us furniture and with 3 young boys and soon another little pair of hands to draw on things and break things im very thankful for that, we did buy a new washer when we moved as there wasnt one here that worked and we needed it but we saved on our fridge got it for under £12 on ebay, yes its older but it works and we will save up for a new one when we have paid our debts down. ive sourced 2 singles and 1 double bed from secondhand sites since we moved to kit our spare rooms, our bedframe i got secondhand for a steal 2 years ago. I know how nice it is to have new things and to start out nicely but my stance is that pre-loved is good enough for now and we will buy nice new things when we can afford them. Got to hunt a bed for ds3 as we will need the cot for the baby and ds3 will be nearly 2 by then

Well, I have looked at secondhand washers/dryers, and that is all we have ever had in the past, but I have been disappointed with a lot of secondhand ones. I am just looking for an inexpensive top loader, so we won't be spending too much. All of my furniture is either secondhand or homemade, with the exception of my walmart-cheapie dresser I bought when I went to college. The dresser and nightstand - hand me down, the bed - we made from wood we had laying around, the crib - second hand, the desk/table - borrowed...you get the idea. We did buy a new couch and rocking chair, but the couch was before we were preggers and the rocking chair was on clearance. In fact, pretty much the only things we have new are the couch/rocking chair/end tables and mattresses. We did buy some el cheapo furniture from walmart (book cases and dresser) but they were the cheapest thing you could find. Our current fridge is a hand-me-down that hardly keeps cold air in. We share a washer/dryer with my parents, so not new either. 

Trust me, I understand I don't have to have everything new. But our hand-me-down fridge doesn't work well. It is not energy efficient at all and has cracks in the inside. It freezes things, I can't tell you how much food as been ruined because some stuff is not meant to be frozen. The washer we use, which is my parents and is older, doesn't work well. It takes twice as long as it should for any given load, and will sometimes just get "stuck" spinning - indefinitely. You have to stop it and restart it. The dryer takes hours to dry clothes. I literally had a medium sized load of delicates - 80 minutes + 40 minute + 40 minutes = _still not dry_. I don't want to pay money for used ones that don't perform any better than that.

And personally, washers have been tested - they are covered in fecal matter and what not from people washing their undies in them. I don't want some strangers stuff!


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## Anthrogirl

What a pickle to be stuck in! The U.S. is so behind the 8Ball compared to the rest of the developed world when it comes to healthcare! I ran into similar problems when I moved from Canada! It sounds like you're working through it all, though! I know you only have 13 or so weeks left, but might your midwife be willing to take payments that carry through after the birth? I know our MW here is willing to do that, perhaps it's an option for you. It's always a little easier to put out a couple hundred a month or every other week, then to sign a $3000 cheque!


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## misspriss

Anthrogirl said:


> What a pickle to be stuck in! The U.S. is so behind the 8Ball compared to the rest of the developed world when it comes to healthcare! I ran into similar problems when I moved from Canada! It sounds like you're working through it all, though! I know you only have 13 or so weeks left, but might your midwife be willing to take payments that carry through after the birth? I know our MW here is willing to do that, perhaps it's an option for you. It's always a little easier to put out a couple hundred a month or every other week, then to sign a $3000 cheque!

Well, she is willing to take what I think I will owe her after insurance, and then if the insurance doesn't come through pay the rest later, which is about as good as it gets. I want to have the money on hand though in case the insurance doesn't work out.

Yes, the healthcare system is a bit below par here. They tried to "reform" it, but so far it hasn't been much improved.


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