# My second pregnancy - first miscarriage story



## momm

Let me start on a positive note that I have a wonderful healthy one year baby boy who is the love of my life. We got the BFP on August 1st at 4 weeks, 1 week before my 32nd birthday. We tried twice and got lucky the third time. The due date should have been April 10th. Man was I happy!!! It was perfect timing - the kids would have been two years apart - so perfect :(! 

Anyway, I went in for a checkup, they did the blood work, pap smear, GBS etc. It all came back well within the average values except my progesterone, which was on the lower side, so she put me on supplements (oral). {I had the same thing happen for my first pregnancy.} I spotted a little, brown blood a week after the test. I freaked out because with my first I passed clots for 2 - 3 weeks and ended up miscarrying his twin at 8 weeks but still went on to have a full term pregnancy. I went in to see my doc but all she said was to wait it out.

I went in for my first vaginal ultrasound at 6 weeks 6 days. The baby measured only 6 weeks 1 day, no heartbeat. This made me a little sad because my first one had his heartbeat going strong at that time. But the doc said that's normal and I have read lots of places where they hear the heartbeat at the next ultrasound. So I was hopeful. I returned at 9 weeks 3 days for the second ultrasound, no heartbeat, no growth. I was devastated. 

The irony is I thought I would be indifferent to this news going in, because I sort of had a hunch that this pregnancy was not progressing. You know, the maternal instinct wasn't there at all, from the beginning. I didn't have that feeling that I had for my first one, to protect and hang on to it like I did my first one and not let it go, to be careful at every turn, every move I make so my abdomen is out of harm's way, to make sure I eat only healthy food, no junk etc. - that feeling I lacked. I just assumed I was a bit more carefree this time because it was my second one. I also had no morning sickness or the pregnant feeling. I was told and so I assumed that each pregnancy is different. I was wrong. I was going to miscarry this baby. And that news was simply not pleasant - it hurt a lot to hear that!

The doc went over what's going to happen, gave me the options (natural, pill, D&C) but felt I should try the natural miscarriage process first. I am so thankful to her for doing that, since the clueless me asked for the pill! I went through those stages of grief they talk about while getting news this kind - shock, denial, anger (I was angry at God), guilt, depression and it took me 5 days to accept the news. Everyone was saying maybe the baby wasn't healthy and it is all for the good. I finally started coming to terms with it, with little hopes of a healthy miracle, until I began to spot that evening and I then came to terms with the fact that I was going to loose my second pregnancy. 

At 10 weeks 1 day I started spotting, just discolored/ lightly stained mucus. The next two days I would wipe and would get stringy, clot like very dark brown mucus. The same thing like I had when I was miscarrying the twin in my first pregnancy. The next three days I started bleeding heavy, soaked a thick pad a day, almost like a regular period. Then comes the unexpectant part, something that didn't happen during my first pregnancy. I thought it was a UTI that was causing it. I had pain that went from my back to my abdomen every few minutes. A couple hours later I realized it was contractions that I was having, the same that I had with my first one, lesser intensity. I went to lie down on the couch at about 7 pm and don't know when I dozed off. I got up in a pool of blood, no pain but feeling much better physically but felt bad that now we have to replace one of the cushions :(. I walked upstairs to my bedroom to change into new underwear and pants. Then I felt something pass from my vagina and then reality struck me! It was just past midnight. Today is the day I miscarried, Sept 17th 2012. I had no idea what to expect. Man, was I shaking!!! I went to the bathroom to clean up and passed the tissue into the toilet. I am a dentist, so I had some gloves at home, picked up the tissue from the toilet and put it in a ziplock container. I called the labor and delivery and they asked me to bring it to the office in the morning, hoping to do a pathology report. it is about 2:30 am right now, I am just waiting for the clock to say 7 am so I can get this going and head to work after that. 

I feel sad that I don't have 'My first pregnancy - my first full term happy healthy delivery story' and that this is my first journal. Sorry, for the long note, but I thought I would share my story out there so clueless people like me can have an idea what to expect during a miscarriage. I have a good support system, a great husband, wonderful parents and a fantastic brother who were all with me this weekend and today when it happened. The only sad part is nobody knew what to expect. I wish nobody goes through a miscarriage, not even my enemy if I have one and especially nobody to go through this alone. I really pray for all those out there expecting a miscarriage that you have a healthy miracle instead!!


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## momm

And how naive I am... Here I thought that was the end, but it is just the beginning. I dropped the sac for pathology and headed to work, only to bleed even more and rushed back home. The cramping, the weakness and running to the bathroom every hour... I hope it stops soon. I hate the gush of blood every fifteen minutes I am feeling and the passing of tissue and more tissue... I wonder how long more :nope:


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## davidjoemum

I don't want to read and run hun I am so sorry for your loss my heart goes to you.


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