# I feel like my heart could break



## happigail

Can anyone relate to this and just make me feel better and in turn make my son feel better?

He is 10 years old and has severe fetal alcohol syndrome (via his biological Mother) which in turn has lead to developmental delay, he's around 5 or 6 in educational levels. So the story goes that in all these school years he has been invited to a total of 3 parties. Right now a girl in his class has invited EVERYONE in the class to her party except for my son, she has also invited the whole rest of the other year six class including my sons same age cousin. She told my son that she was inviting him and then when giving out invites to everyone else she didn't give him one and told him she had lied and he couldn't come. He is so gutted, I just don't know how to make this better and I am MAD. I am sooooo mad that I want to confront the Mother and just directly ask her: "so is it because I don't stand in the playground gossiping about other mothers with you or because you are prejudiced to people with learning disabilities that my son is not invited to your daughters party?". Should I or would I be making things worse for my son?

UGHHHHHHHHHH why does life have to be so hard for kids? Why cant we make everything better? I'm his Mum, I should be able to make everything ok, but I cant and its driving me mad :(

Please ANY advice would be SO appreciated.


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## Mom23monkies

Well Both of the schools my kids have been in there ws a general rule that if you were inviting classmates in school you had to invite the entire class!!
I think you SHOULD say something to her mother.
Try to be VERY nonconfrtontational and just say
"My son was DEVESTATED that she said this and then THIS happened. Did you KNOW that happened?"
It MAY Have been the child being a brat, but by making it sound like a child MIGHT do something like this and implying that it might have been the child, it kinda puts in her head that its is really, well, Childish and as an adult she SHOULD have been above it.
I would be LIVID personaly and I cant even try to PRETEND that I wouldent shed tears over it.
Just let us know if we need to meet you some where to "take care" of things LOL
(really just kidding as I live in the US hah)


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## happigail

Mom23monkies said:


> Well Both of the schools my kids have been in there ws a general rule that if you were inviting classmates in school you had to invite the entire class!!
> I think you SHOULD say something to her mother.
> Try to be VERY nonconfrtontational and just say
> "My son was DEVESTATED that she said this and then THIS happened. Did you KNOW that happened?"
> It MAY Have been the child being a brat, but by making it sound like a child MIGHT do something like this and implying that it might have been the child, it kinda puts in her head that its is really, well, Childish and as an adult she SHOULD have been above it.
> I would be LIVID personaly and I cant even try to PRETEND that I wouldent shed tears over it.
> Just let us know if we need to meet you some where to "take care" of things LOL
> (really just kidding as I live in the US hah)

oh thank god it's not just me. I think being non confrontational is a good idea... imply that it could all be a big misunderstanding right?? Hope I can keep my cool.

You know I'd pay for your ticket for some back up!!!!! LOL! Thank you for replying, it means a lot to hear I am not the only one who thinks this stuff is just so off.


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## Lottie86

That is absolutely awful. I am so upset for you and your son. What a nasty spiteful little girl :nope: I would be devastated if someone did that to Findlay when he is older :cry: Definately say something to the girls mum about it.


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## Mom23monkies

happigail said:


> Mom23monkies said:
> 
> 
> Well Both of the schools my kids have been in there ws a general rule that if you were inviting classmates in school you had to invite the entire class!!
> I think you SHOULD say something to her mother.
> Try to be VERY nonconfrtontational and just say
> "My son was DEVESTATED that she said this and then THIS happened. Did you KNOW that happened?"
> It MAY Have been the child being a brat, but by making it sound like a child MIGHT do something like this and implying that it might have been the child, it kinda puts in her head that its is really, well, Childish and as an adult she SHOULD have been above it.
> I would be LIVID personaly and I cant even try to PRETEND that I wouldent shed tears over it.
> Just let us know if we need to meet you some where to "take care" of things LOL
> (really just kidding as I live in the US hah)
> 
> oh thank god it's not just me. I think being non confrontational is a good idea... imply that it could all be a big misunderstanding right?? Hope I can keep my cool.
> 
> You know I'd pay for your ticket for some back up!!!!! LOL! Thank you for replying, it means a lot to hear I am not the only one who thinks this stuff is just so off.Click to expand...

LOL Just let me know haha
I actually came over here from one of the other boards that you posted on
I hope that the mother had nothing to do with it.
But people never fail to shock me sometimes.
Please keep us posted and let us know how it plays out


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## Dizzy321

:cry: awful!! :growlmad: how could a mother do that!? definatly say something to her, you have a right! x


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## Adanma

You know I encountered this a lot while gowing up and it is very damaging to the kids. Most of the schools here do have a rule that all classmates must be invited. I would definately bring it up with the mother. Your child has the right to have a peaceful experience in school. We are having a wave of bullying inspired suicides right now in the US and it gets under my skin knowing my son (Aspergers) may be the victim of this kind of cruelty. My heart goes out to you guys and I hope something can be figured out that is positive.

Adanma


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## Croc-O-Dile

That's horrible!! I'd definitely say something! :growlmad:
This just makes me mad. There was a boy I went to school with who was severely handicapped. (I know he has MS, but he's got other things going on as well that I'm not sure about.) My mom always made me invite my entire class, which I was fine with.

Tbh, he was always the most thoughtful person out of the bunch. One year he was my lab partner (he had an in-class aid so he could do mainstream classes) and we had to study plant life and all that. Well my flowers died because I have the touch of death when it comes to plant life :blush: And for my birthday which was shortly after that he brought me a bouquet of fake flowers so I couldn't kill them :haha:

He was lucky enough to be in a class where the kids didn't really care too much that he was different. But had I have been stuck up and avoided him I would have missed out on a really good friend! So things like this really strike a cord with me. :nope:

I really hope things work out for your son and people stop being so big headed. :hugs:


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## youngmum2b

Thats just plain spiteful imo, both my younger brothers have disabilities (although i only have contact with one as the others in care due to his mother being a spiteful, disgusting b***h) i've had many arguements with parents cos everyone but him had been invited to parties, i remember being sent to the headteacher cos i told a mother that her daughter was a stuck up b***h n so was she 'hehe' needless to say i got what i wanted out of it even if it was solely down to kids being scared of me. I made damn sure that he was treated the same way as everyone else. 
G has autism n C has seraple palsee (sp). C is in care .

Id deffo speak to the girls mother about it as no child should be made to feel different in any way


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## happigail

Thank you so much guys, your support means the world to me. I don't know why but I never thought of a forum situation to discuss the issues of raising my son... I've been alone in this for 8 years, its amazing to get feedback. Thank you x

Right now my brother (the father of the cousin who is invited) is saying that he would rather his son didn't go, seeing as mine has been left out and that he wants to take them to the cinema for a 'boys night'. it will be so good to say to them, he didn't want to go anyway, had better things planned!


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## kelzyboo

:hugs: What a horrible little girl, you should deffinately say something its so unfair and i hope the mother knew nothing about it! 

children can be very nasty and spiteful to each other even when there are no differences between them, it sounds as if your raising your son to be happy and all that he can be, no matter what difficulties he may have. He knows he has his family and in the end that will count for far more than a nasty little girl at school, who if she behaves like that will have no friends left.

take care xx


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## Mrs-C

I feel awful for you both. Kids just don't understand. My mum once said to me she was really proud when I took a spellathon test at 10 and when she asked how I did I told her I got 100%, but that I felt sorry for the boy in our class who did badly and the others picked on him. I remember feeling genuinely bad for him, he had learning difficulties and was behind the rest of us. She was prouder that I felt for the boy's feelings more than that I had done well.

I remember real cliques at school and being left out often. I think the idea that the school say all the class has to be invited is a good way of combating the issue. I hope I can encourage our children to include everyone and not to exclude anyone who is different, for whatever reason.

I think the support of your brother is lovely and that them doing their own thing would be a good two fingers up.


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## hopeandpray

:hugs: it must be heartbreaking seeing your son's feelings being hurt. I think you do need to set the record straight, maybe the other parents think that for some reason your son wouldn't want or be able to participate, maybe present it that way to the mother, that she misunderstood so she doesn't feel attacked


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## Croc-O-Dile

That's good that your brother is taking them out for a boy's night instead. I hope they have fun!


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## lichunda1980

so terrible&#65281;&#65281;&#65281;


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## Vickieh1981

That makes me want to cry reading that and he is not even my son :-(

I hate that Andrew gets left out because he has aspergers. It's heartbreaking when someone hurts your child isn't it?


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## velvetina

Kids are just so cruel sometimes, I am so sorry, I so hear your frustration, sadness and anger. As if being in the world of special needs isn't hard enough, crap like this is such an emotional pull.

I hope both boys have a good night out and word gets back to the mum and she has the grace to speak with you.

:hugs:


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## happygirl666

people are scaired of things they do not understand speak to the cow it is stupid people need to be more open minded


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## Newt

this is something I worry about for my sons future too, I am sorry he is being left out, what an aweful situation :hugs:


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## Weezie123

I have no personal experience with this but my gut would tell me to let my brother take the kids out. It probably won't be fun for your son to go to the party even if he got invited now. I would still say something to the mother though to let her know how hurtful it was, but as others have said make it non confrontational. Then maybe invite some of his friends over another weekend so he can see that he is not alone. This can happen with children but the parents should take responsibiliy and prevent it. Maybe also speak to his teacher so she can keep an eye out that no more bullying is coming from this girl. I'm sure you do already but the best way to protect your child is to boost his self esteem. This makes me so mad.


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## sparkle_1979

oh that's terrible. Shame on the mother, if she doesn't know her daughter did this she should have made it her business to make sure this sort of thing does not happen. I'd have a word with her and explain in a calm way how hurt your son is and also have a word with the teacher x


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## WW1

I've only just read this and it has brought tears to my eyes. Children can be so cruel. I really hope her mum genuinely knew nothing about it because if she did I would be truly horrified.

I hope you were able to resolve the situation and your child isn't too upset by it all. 

I wish there was a magic wand we could wave to make everything better :flower:


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## angelstardust

I would have a word with the school first. Not as a cop out, but if you have a good school then they should be able to communicate to all parents that inclusion is a large part of school life. They can also make a point of having a day where they go through inclusion with the class. And they can speak to the parents of the girl to say that your son was very upset at what happened and the the school does not encourage discrimination of any kind (it is discrimination after all). As the school are doing it and it's not coming from you, the parents are less likely to become defensive (oh my daughter would never do that!) and more likely to listen. If they don't well sod em they aint worth it! 

Have you ever had a party for your son? Perhaps for his birthday you could hire a hall, put on some food and invite his whole class. Then they should see that really he doesn't have 3 heads. I know it's expensive but it is worth doing.


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## nkbapbt

Wow this thread, really breaks my heart. 

I totally agree that you should speak to either the school or the girl's mother. I would really speak to the mom either way, because honestly? I would be curious if this behavior was not coming from her parents. I hate to say this, but a lot of the time this type of behavior and judgment is learned. And why didn't her parents make her invite him, when every one else was invited?

It just doesn't add up to me.

And if it's coming down from the parents, well then school needs to know for sure.

I am so sorry this has happened to your son. I really cannot believe any one could be so cruel. :hugs:


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## Kayleigh_x

That's awful!
My sister has special needs, she's almost 21 now but developmentally she's around 8 and unfortunatally there were a lot of these hateful little swines around when we were growing up. There's only 10 months between us so we were in the same class and it's heartbreaking. But now she's in college, and like the leader in her little gang of friends! She's like the queen bee! She used to be so quiet and withdrawn, but being with people like her has really brought her out of her shell, and I bet your son will be the same! All the best!


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## JaydensMommy1

It makes you wonder how her parents are as people if they raised a child that can act this way. I know my son is only 3 but he plays with every child he is encounter with. One of his "best friends" has spina bifida and they play for hours. Children should be like this. I am sorry for your experience and for your son.


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## Lucy22

How heartbreaking, I'm so upset for you and your son :cry:

I think you really need to inform that spiteful little brat's mother what a bad job she did raising her child. Seriously, thats kind of behavior disgusts me. Leaving a child out like that is hurtful, and shows bullying traits. Your poor son :( Feel better in knowing he really doesn't need people like that witch in his life.

Maybe I'm over reacting but that really hit a nerve. Its basic manners and courtesy and parents just aren't teaching their kids that its important to be kind. There are some little girls in Elena's preschool that she wouldn't be too friendly with, but she knows full well that when her birthday comes round, she either invites everyone, or has no party.
Elena's two best friends are her cousins, my nephew and niece. One has a grade 5 reflux in her kidney, the other suffers from Horners syndrome and Cerebral Palsy. To her, they are her best friends and her family. She is innocent and thats how she sees them. I'm saddened that other children don't have this innocence.

I'd be sickened this happened to my own daughter, I can't imagine how you must feel.

Definitely inform her mother - I hope you get some satisfaction from her. You and your son will be in my thoughts over the coming days. Keep us updated :flower: xx


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## BrandiCanucks

So I know this thread is old, but I wanted to say that I hope your son had a good Boys Night Out.

We experienced something similar about a year ago. My now 4 year old daughter has special needs. She has microcephaly, complex partial seizures and an undiagnosed genetic condition. Her overall development is that of a 2 year old. Developmentally, she's behind her 2.5 year old brother.

We attend a playgroup and I sent out invitations for her third birthday party. It's so difficult because I plan her birthday parties around her developmental age and not chronological age. What other kids her age might be able to enjoy and do, she does not because she's not there yet. So, I booked two hours at an indoor playground thinking that was the perfect "inbetween".

Of 15 kids invited, only three responded. Two of them said they weren't coming. 12 kids ignored the invitation.

My heart broke. It felt worse for me than it did for my daughter. She didn't understand, thankfully, and I dread the day that she wants to have a birthday party and can understand it when kids don't respond or don't show up. I don't want to have to face the questions.

I didn't care that I was out $300 for a cake and private booking of a playground and couldn't get my money back. I was heartbroken that this was a small glimpse of what may come in the future.


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## DanielleM

BrandiCanucks said:


> So I know this thread is old, but I wanted to say that I hope your son had a good Boys Night Out.
> 
> We experienced something similar about a year ago. My now 4 year old daughter has special needs. She has microcephaly, complex partial seizures and an undiagnosed genetic condition. Her overall development is that of a 2 year old. Developmentally, she's behind her 2.5 year old brother.
> 
> We attend a playgroup and I sent out invitations for her third birthday party. It's so difficult because I plan her birthday parties around her developmental age and not chronological age. What other kids her age might be able to enjoy and do, she does not because she's not there yet. So, I booked two hours at an indoor playground thinking that was the perfect "inbetween".
> 
> Of 15 kids invited, only three responded. Two of them said they weren't coming. 12 kids ignored the invitation.
> 
> My heart broke. It felt worse for me than it did for my daughter. She didn't understand, thankfully, and I dread the day that she wants to have a birthday party and can understand it when kids don't respond or don't show up. I don't want to have to face the questions.
> 
> I didn't care that I was out $300 for a cake and private booking of a playground and couldn't get my money back. I was heartbroken that this was a small glimpse of what may come in the future.

:hugs: This will not be her future honestly!!! This is the parents not the kids, once she is in school and making friends, all of her friends will want to come to her parties and the parents will not be making those decisions!! My son is 7 in August and he has many friends, he is having a bowling party and we are having to trim the list down as there are too many. Please don't let this get to you, it will not be her future :hugs:


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## educationist

Awful.
i really feel for u and him.


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## mskellydenise

Were the invitations given out at school???
At my daughter school they arent supposed to hand out the invitations in class unless everyone in the class is invited


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## helenb

this is sickening, no wonder you are so angry and upset.

my son had a problem with a boy at school who acted as if my sons disability was contagious and it was getting us both upset. he was being targeted for not being able to do what other kids could do. there was a course then held at the school for parents to participate with their kids and gain a qualification in sports coaching and i signed us up.

this kid was also signed up and i was gobsmacked when i realised what was going on. this kids dad had a massive issue with any kid who had disabilities and it was evident in this course as he regularly singled my kid out for things he couldn't do so his kid would "win" that particular part of a game etc.

i was furious and discovered that i was really good at kicking him right in between his legs EVERYTIME he came near me - even in games that didn't involve feet. i was so good at making it look accidental. the more my child was singled out, the more and the harder i kicked until he eventually realised what i was doing. violence is never the key when someone is ignorant to a childs disabilities it infuriates me. i would kick him again if i saw him, i felt so much better (he did need get his glory checked out, i had badly bruised his tackle :D) 

in my opinion it didn't change his sons opinion of my child, ignorance comes from the parents in my view. a little bit of tact and you can make mam feel guilty, otherwise, let me know where you are and i am sure my right foot can come in handy!


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## mom22boys

So sorry! I would talk to his teacher! We have a rule at our school if everyone is not invited then the invites need to be given out somewhere else!


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## JASMAK

I worry about this kind of thing with my daughter. :( I am so sorry...how unfair!!


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