# Access??!!



## Younglutonmum

Just wondering if any of you have thought about what sort of access your ex will be having once LO is born?? And how soon will that commence??

See me and my ex live nearly 2 hours away from each other & he wants to start taking LO back to his house the weekend afetr she's born. He wants to do this every weekend.

Ive told him number 1 - the baby will not be leaving me for a good while afetr she born 

and number 2 - no way am I letting him take my newborn on a train every friday!!

He can either come up & visit us in London or lump it to be honest


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## Jayden'sMummy

I think your right to want this! 
Just sit down an let him know how you feel about letting her go off that far without you for that long while shes so young. 
Hope he understands xxx


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## Younglutonmum

Rachel16+Bump said:


> I think your right to want this!
> Just sit down an let him know how you feel about letting her go off that far without you for that long while shes so young.
> Hope he understands xxx

Oh ive tried talking to him hunni. He totally doesn't agree!! But oh well, im not going to be swayed on this one lol!!

xxx :hug: xxx


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## loulou83

My babie's Dad lives in the US.. glad I don't have to deal with all this!


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## Jayden'sMummy

Younglutonmum said:


> Oh ive tried talking to him hunni. He totally doesn't agree!! But oh well, im not going to be swayed on this one lol!!
> 
> xxx :hug: xxx

:hugs:! Stand your ground and make him understand lol. xx


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## ~ Vicky ~

Its something i've thought about but thankfully it shouldn't be too much trouble for me.

Ex-OH (sperm donor) is in the RAF and is currently 2.5 hours away from me by car. In september he moves base again and will probably be moving even futhur south again and will end up being 4 hours away from me. Then sometime between september and december he'll be going to Afghan for 6 months. He'll be missing the birth of his first baby completely, and won't see them for the first 4-6 months of their life. After then, god knows where he'll be going.

I don't drive so he'll have to come to us. If he hadn't been an asshole apart from going to Afghan I would be moving round the country/world with him but thats his choice. I expect he'll only see bubs once a month going by his attitude anyhow.


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## Younglutonmum

Rachel16+Bump said:


> :hugs:! Stand your ground and make him understand lol. xx

Bloody men!! Ive had enough lol

:hugs: xx :hugs:


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## Younglutonmum

~ Vicky ~ said:


> Its something i've thought about but thankfully it shouldn't be too much trouble for me.
> 
> Ex-OH (sperm donor) is in the RAF and is currently 2.5 hours away from me by car. In september he moves base again and will probably be moving even futhur south again and will end up being 4 hours away from me. Then sometime between september and december he'll be going to Afghan for 6 months. He'll be missing the birth of his first baby completely, and won't see them for the first 4-6 months of their life. After then, god knows where he'll be going.
> 
> I don't drive so he'll have to come to us. If he hadn't been an asshole apart from going to Afghan I would be moving round the country/world with him but thats his choice. I expect he'll only see bubs once a month going by his attitude anyhow.

I reckon my ex will probably bother about once a month aswell. He wont be at the birth either. I did ask him 2 but he decided to go on holiday with his mates the day im due. Isn't he lovely girls?? lol

xx


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## Jayden'sMummy

Younglutonmum said:


> Bloody men!! Ive had enough lol
> 
> :hugs: xx :hugs:

Know how you feel! at least your babys daddy wants to know your bubs, mine is just a prick all together and doesn't know what he wants. i just say 'leave em an let em be' ha xxx


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## Younglutonmum

Rachel16+Bump said:


> Know how you feel! at least your babys daddy wants to know your bubs, mine is just a prick all together and doesn't know what he wants. i just say 'leave em an let em be' ha xxx

Oh to be honest mine doesn't know what he wants either. On a good day he wants weekend access but thats rare, 90% of time he doesn't want to know us.

Grrrrr


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## ~ Vicky ~

Haha we could easily rival each other for who has the worst ex. At least we know we're not alone :hugs:


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## Younglutonmum

Lol tell me about it!!

God can you imagine a these men in a room together? Id love to listen in on there conversations & how they justify what they do!!


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## ~ Vicky ~

Hah, to be a fly on the wall...


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## Younglutonmum

If only lol


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## Jayden'sMummy

Younglutonmum said:


> Oh to be honest mine doesn't know what he wants either. On a good day he wants weekend access but thats rare, 90% of time he doesn't want to know us.
> 
> Grrrrr

:hugs::hugs:
You will be a great mummy, with or without him. 
As long as your baby has got you then thats more than enough! 
He will open his eyes once his baby is born, lets hope its not to late. 
Thinkin of you xx


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## demonmadcat

My ex-OH is the opposite... unfortunately..

he wants the baby half of the time.. like that's gonna happen.. i'd like to see him try and breastfeed..

He wants to be there at scans and at the birth (I don't want him there) and he's already decided that he wants his parents to be just as involved as him..

I wish he'd said that he wasn't too bothered.. he just stresses me out.. I don't mind him wanting to be involved once it's born, perhaps two/three times a week or so (between feeds so I don't need to express) but I feel he wants to be there full time, which just isn't practical, or what I want..

I do kinda feel selfish. I know that there's a lot of people out there that would love to have a partner like this, but I just want to hit him every time I see him...

So, if anyone wants him, just let me know.. lol..

Em


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## Moulder86

Well he's told me he'll be at the birth, he won 't let me down or the baby he's going to be a dad but I don't think that'll involve him taking baby out for a while. And I don't want his new GF near my kid for a while either so I think it'll be a case of him coming round and seeing me or me taking bubs to see him. 

He's not really been the sort to have his 4 yr old over night or anything like that so I don't think it's something I'll have to worry about for a while.

xx


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## ~ Vicky ~

See my ex confuses me. He works away and will be in Afghan when the baby is born, and I can accept that. But a few weeks ago we had a convo and I was very upset over our whole break-up so I told him I didn't think I could do this whole keeping in touch thing and shared access if it meant seeing him all the time happy without me, and he went beserk. He started screaming that I can't and won't keep his child away from him, he has rights etc.

So why hasn't he once just text me to ask how his baby is doing? and why didn't he ask me how the scan went or wish me luck beforehand? He's trying to have it both ways, so i'm actually thankful he's going to be away so much. It'll make it a hell of a lot easier.


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## lauren-kate

I had kind of the same thing with that.. I think it's a male thing in that they don't really feel like they can be involved until the baby's born. For some reason, they don't seem to think that there's work and money and stress involved in pregnancy, and not just after the baby is born. Ryan's dad didn't really show a lot of interest until he was born. He didn't see the scan pictures, feel him kick, he didn't come to appointments, or the birth.. and in a way, that makes me feel really sad and disappointed. If it was the other way around and I was the dad, surely I'd feel like I'd missed out on a huge part of his life?? That does bother me a bit tbh.

Ryan's dad sees him a few times a week for an hour or so. He looks after him once a week for an hour whilst I'm on my driving lesson and spends Sunday with him at his parents house. It annoys me a bit that he doesn't usually spend longer than an hour with him most days though. It's not really long enough imo. He doesn't get to see all the things that make having him great, or on the flip-side, all the things that make it so very difficult. Also, I'd love to have a few hours to myself, even if just to wash my hair, have a bath and do the washing up (which I'm currently having to rush to do in Ryan's 3 20-minutes-at-a-time naps). Before he was born, he's said things like 'Would you mind if he stayed at mine for some weekends?', but he's not mentioned anything like that again. I'm guessing it's because he's working, but I really need a break. I was going to say that I should be grateful for the amount he does see him (because it isn't like he never sees him) - But why should 'I' be grateful. More than anything, this is for HIM and Ryan. I don't want him to be his babysitter, I want him to be his dad. Sorry about this, I got carried away :( x


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## Jayden'sMummy

Lauren-kate maybe you could suggest it to him. say you need some 'you' time and feel he needs to be spending much more time with his son. xx


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## lauren-kate

I know this sounds stupid... but I feel 'bad' mentioning anything like that. I know that he works a lot and sees him when he can, but it just nags at me when I know he has the whole day off and then he comes round and just spends an hour with him. In a way, I want him to realise it himself.. to realise that he's missing out. I don't know if that's going to happen though? x


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## nikky0907

ugh,I have the same problem!

Her dad was on all the scans and he even went shopping with me...he is currently involved in the pregnancy,so he wants her really often after she is born...

Umm,call me selfish but I don't think so...He doesn't live far,only 10 minutes away from me but I just really don't think I will want to be apart from her so often especially after she is born.

He mentiones something like every weekend and once a week,I just really think that I will not be comfortable to be apart from my newborn daughter every weekend.

I told him that he can visit when he likes but for her to actually spend a night in his house? Definitely NO!

I'm sorry,but now until she is bigger! And definitely not every weekend!

And then he thinks that I'm in total control of this pregnancy,he feels left out,he thinks that it will be the same once she is born...blah,blah,blah...

Does that make me selfish?


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## Younglutonmum

No way ru selfish hunni!!

Im exactly the same with my ex. He's not taken my newborn away. Not for ageeeees!!


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## ~ Vicky ~

Oh god no, not selfish at all, I know exactly where you're coming from.

Thankfully though I won't have that problem because ex will be out the country for at least 4 months of our baby's life. Plenty of time me thinks ;)


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## Moulder86

If he tries to take my lil guy away he'll be getting a what for but I don't think I'm going to have that problem unless his new GF gets involved.


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## ~ Vicky ~

They won't be able to take our babies anyway anyhow unless we're declared and proved to be an unfit mother. If you're going to be the main carer then you'll be fine.

I feel horrid but i've been making back-ups of every message/email etc that we've sent each other, just incase I need to use it in the future. Everyone has advised me to do so, so I am. Therefore he can't ever claim i've kept his child from him, because I have proof he's shunned all responsibility.


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## nikky0907

~ Vicky ~ said:


> They won't be able to take our babies anyway anyhow unless we're declared and proved to be an unfit mother. If you're going to be the main carer then you'll be fine.
> 
> I feel horrid but i've been making back-ups of every message/email etc that we've sent each other, just incase I need to use it in the future. Everyone has advised me to do so, so I am. Therefore he can't ever claim i've kept his child from him, because I have proof he's shunned all responsibility.

There is no way he can take can take it away...I mean after the way he acted he should be lucky with visitation rights! And kissing your feet for that!

:hugs:


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## ~ Vicky ~

Hah, i'd love to see him kiss my feet. One day, one day... :rofl:

But you're right, but I tend to over think these things so it often pops into my head.


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## brownhairedmom

Well, in my case...the 800kms that are between Adam and I are going to STAY between Adam and I and the baby. He's signing over rights, he isn't going on the birth certificate, and to tell you the truth, the baby is going to be better off because of it.

It will be hard, but I know in fact that I will be protecting my baby from getting neglected. I would not put it past Adam to leave the baby in the car while he went into the store to buy something...not at ALL. 

He isn't touching MY child. Not at all. If I have it my way, they won't even come in face-to-face contact. He's not even getting a picture, selfish SOB.


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## mBLACK

Younglutonmum said:


> Just wondering if any of you have thought about what sort of access your ex will be having once LO is born?? And how soon will that commence??
> 
> See me and my ex live nearly 2 hours away from each other & he wants to start taking LO back to his house the weekend afetr she's born. He wants to do this every weekend.
> 
> Ive told him number 1 - the baby will not be leaving me for a good while afetr she born
> 
> and number 2 - no way am I letting him take my newborn on a train every friday!!
> 
> He can either come up & visit us in London or lump it to be honest

Good! Newborn babies need to be around their mummies.
Honestly, my grandmother is going to tell him and his parents that if HE wants to see Joseph, HE will come to MY house and be SUPERVISED. He has serious anger issues and is a little bit mental to be honest, I REFUSE to leave him alone with a child! And we're not letting them bring Joseph to their house, they smoke in their house and his father works in the basement with a bunch of old discusting perverts..


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## mBLACK

nikky0907 said:


> ugh,I have the same problem!
> 
> Her dad was on all the scans and he even went shopping with me...he is currently involved in the pregnancy,so he wants her really often after she is born...
> 
> Umm,call me selfish but I don't think so...He doesn't live far,only 10 minutes away from me but I just really don't think I will want to be apart from her so often especially after she is born.
> 
> He mentiones something like every weekend and once a week,I just really think that I will not be comfortable to be apart from my newborn daughter every weekend.
> 
> I told him that he can visit when he likes but for her to actually spend a night in his house? Definitely NO!
> 
> I'm sorry,but now until she is bigger! And definitely not every weekend!
> 
> And then he thinks that I'm in total control of this pregnancy,he feels left out,he thinks that it will be the same once she is born...blah,blah,blah...
> 
> Does that make me selfish?

No no no!!:hugs: Babies should not get taken away from their mothers for a damn good while after birth, I'm not leaving my son at all for the first AT LEAST 3 months that he's alive, not even to go to the store, nothing! Call me paranoid, but every opportunity he isn't with me I can't watch him to make sure he's safe.


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