# Would you leave your 9 year old alone in the house for 20 mins???



## shazmos

I was just wondering at what age you would consider leaving you child alone for a short period.

I had to drop my OH at work today and my 9 year old son didnt want to miss 'Match of the Day'. So i suggested he stay home alone while i dropped him off. 

I was gone for 20 mins, pulled the curtains and told him to not answer to door to anyone and gave him my mobile so he could phone me on my partners phone.

Is this wrong??? He is very grown up and sensible for his age.

I was just wondering when is a reasonable age to allow this.

I apprieciate your opinions on this
xx


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## smelly07

I went on a child protection course a few months back and one of the questions we were asked in a test was 'When can a parent leave their child at home alone legally'?.... answer: there is no legal age. Parents can decide when they feel it is appropriate to leave their child home alone. 
It's a tuff one and i am not sure when i would leave my kids home alone possibly secondary school age x


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## Boony

yes thats right there no legal age however if anything happens to the child whilst home alone you can be prosecuted.

I think the first time i was left home alone was secondary school age but i had an older sister and i was left alone with her when i was at primary school but only for an hour or so.


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## smelly07

yeah....i think there definitely needs to be a legal age because i know of parents dropping their older chidlren to school and leaving babies at home asleep....madness...and a 6 year old in my area died in a house fire she was left home alone :-(


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## babe2ooo

i have a step son that is 9 and we have a local tesco 5mins down the road and sometime he doesnt want to come shopping so we leave him at home playing x box, i tell him not to answer the door or phone and he has his mob so he can ring and we are only 5mins away by car and i dont see a problem with it.


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## xxembobxx

I think it depends on the individual child.
I have a child who is almost 11 years old and I wouldn't like to leave her alone for any length of time although she does go out to play, sometimes out of sight.

My friend used to leave her 9 year old son alone while we went shopping for an hour or so. But he was very mature for his age and she knew she could trust him.

You know your child and if you believe they can be trusted for a short period then I don't see a problem. I'd love to have that faith in my daughter lol.


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## kiwimama

It depends on the child. Some would be mature enough at 9, others wouldn't be. I would be asking myself of situations that may arise, and do they know how to handle that. If a small fire broke out what would the child know what to do? If the phone rang and someone asked for their parents would they know how to answer? etc. etc..
You know your child best and if they are capable of handling that responsibility.


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## xprincessx

personally i wouldnt because i worked in a school and most of the 9 year old seemed pretty irresponsible and immature (im not in any way suggesting your son is) just personal experience so i wouldnt risk it myself x


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## sparklydee

It ALL depends on the child!! Mine are 12 and 10 now and I'm a single parent. I will very occasionally leave them if I have to pop to the shop for 10 mins, but never any more than that. 

9 would probably have been too young for me to even think about it - my oldest could probably have handled the responsibility, but my youngest no way!!!


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## cinnamum

hard one...
i think 12 is a better age to leave them alone, if anything happened! OMG it doesn't bare thinking about. (just shook, me up after i just read above... ''6yo in fire home alone'').
though i do agree that it depends on the child in question.
i dont know any 9yo's to compare notes with but when i was 9 my mum never left me without an adult/babysitter.
but to add to the situation... i do have a younger brother who has aspergers syndrome.
i do believe that this made my mother less trustworthy of me and over protective, especially of my DS & DD.


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## A3my

my daughters are 9 and 10 and sometimes when I have to go somewhere quick and they moan about coming I wonder when I will confidently leave them. I agree with the other mums that its down to you and your child. I think I will wait until secondary school age. I want to get the balance right between helping them gain independance but keeping them safe. They get a bus home from school somedays and one day my sister was collecting them for me and she was late. My eldest has a mobile and she called me and I got hold of my sister who was on her way so I called Emily back and talked to her for 5 mins until my sister arrived. The bus drops them in a pub carpark. My eldest was Ok with the situation and I thought she handled it well but my 9 year old was really upset about it. I think I cried most thinking of them all alone and scared. Its put me off leaving them for a while yet x


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## mommy43

i personally wouldnt but i have 3 very close in age when the oldest was 9 i also had a 8 & 7 yr old so it would of caused a 'thats not fair' arguement lol 
my oldest is now 16 my others are 15 14 & 12 so they are usually out at mates houses i also have a 7yr old who plays at a friend of our house with her children n i take izzy everywhere i go, occasionally my 16yr old will look after my 7yr old 
if i have to go out quick but if its planned the 7yr old will come too 
i really think it depends on the child how mature they are if u can trust they will follow rules when your not watchhing n you know your going to be quick i dont see why not its just not something i would ever of been able to do having so many kids:haha:


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## Yazz_n_bump

It's fine, as long as he's mature enough to know to not answer the door and basic things then it's fine.

My parents used to leave me on my own at 9 when they used to go food shopping.


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## MissMandieMitz

Total personal opinion here... but I'd never consider leaving a kid of any age at home alone. Whether it was 9 or 16. I feel that the saying "Idle hands are the devil's workshop" fits very well to kids who are left alone. 

I'd either make my child go with me (YOU are the parent after all), or wait until he/she is in school to do what I need to do.


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## suzib76

personally, no. i have a really sensible 9 yo but i wouldnt leave her even to pop round to the shop which is a 3 min walk max

while i trust her i would hate for an emergency situation to arise and for her to have to deal with something beyond her years

as for wanting to watch motd, i would of just said tuff :shrug:


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## Mummy2B21

I always thought there was a legal age of 14 before it was legal to leave them home alone? 
When i was a kid my parents used to say to me if i didnt want to go somewhere that they want allowed to leave me alone till i was 14 or it might of been 12 cant remember now lol.


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## Mummy2B21

Just read there is no legal age :/ wonder what my parents were playing at unless it was there rules lol or its changed.


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## coccyx

did i read someone wouldn't leave a 16 year old. Good grief they could be in the army at that age


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## A3my

Mummy2B21 said:


> Just read there is no legal age :/ wonder what my parents were playing at unless it was there rules lol or its changed.

I think there's a law about not leaving a child under 16 to babsit another?? :shrug:


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## MissMandieMitz

coccyx said:


> did i read someone wouldn't leave a 16 year old. Good grief they could be in the army at that age

Yup, you read right. I would if *absolutely *necessary (like emergency with another kid, or spouse) but wouldn't leave him just because it's convenient for the kid or me. You see people all the time leaving their teenagers home alone and then they wonder why their teens are getting pregnant, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, etc. 

After all, a 16 year old is still legally a child.


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## ouchwithNo.2

hmmm... not got there yet but I think at 9yrs my son would be quite safe on his own for 20minutes. He will be 7 in October.
he is very mature and sensible and we all laugh he will be 'elf and safety when he grows up because he is always going on about hidden dangers and stuff like that. 
I am sure if he was given his Nintendo DS for 20 minutes he wouldn't move/blink even notice! 
We live in a first floor flat and the bin sheds are around the back of the building so I have quite a walk to do and I frequently leave him in the house whilst I do that, LO asleep in her cot and I take the monitor. 
He knows if he needs me quick to go into LO's room and speak down the monitor.


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## Narla83

Hey ya ive got a little girl whos gonna be 10 2moro and she hates to be left on her own even the idea of it makes her get really upset. Id say that if their ok with it and they have a phone to get you if they need to then you know best!!!!!


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## GersPrincess

Personally, I wouldnt. It's not my child I don't trust, it's everyone else! lol.
Seriously though. My ex husband left our son alone last year whilst he took our daughter and his other 2 kids to pick his wife up from work. Joe is very sensible and very mature, and once he's on the xbox is capable of not moving for anything for a good hour or so if he can get away with it.. my problem with him being left was, nobody knew he was there, and if God forbid my ex had had some kind of accident/crash or something, nobody would have known where Joe was. If it had been a bad crash, potentially it could have taken the police a while to establish there should have been another child there, where he was and who to contact, and in that time Joe could have been very worried/scared. 

I dont know though, I am terrible for wondering all the what ifs.. you know, what if the house had blown up, what if the washing machine had set alight and he couldnt reach the lock on the front door to open it, what if a train had derailed, gone through my ex's back garden and hit the house, what if my ex's puppy had attacked him, what if for some reason Joe decided he was hungry, try to make himself something and seriously hurt himself..

but saying all that, I've no problem with him or his sister walking to and from the bus stop every morning and afternoon, or going up to the park for football or walking the dog. I guess I'm just weird!


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## amylw1

i have left my older 2 whilst i have gone next door etc but not for long periods of time. but i think 10/11 is a suitable age for 20-3omins but 12+ for longer.


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## midori1999

It depends on the maturity of the child in question, one 9 year old will be at a very different level of maturity to another. That is why there is no legal age. 

I think if you are going to leave a child of any age alone you need to make sure they are happy to be left and will feel safe and secure while you are gone and know what to do if there is an emergency and what to do about answering the phone/door whilst you are gone and what they are allowed and not allowed to do like make themselves a snack or use the toaster/microwave etc. They also need to know how to contact you and who to contact in an emergency or if they can't get hold of you or if you don't come back when you were expected. 

I have been happy to leave my now 14 year old alone for shortish periods of time (around 10-30 mins) since he was around 9 and probably to pop out to the shop (5 mins) for a year before that. He is and always has been very sensible and mature though. I have only just started leaving my now (just) 10 year old for very short periods so if I pop to the shop or the other day I ran his younger brother to the bus stop whilst he stayed in bed as he had a bad headache and had to stay off school. I wouldn't leave him for longer than that. 

I think children are pretty mollycoddled these days and that it does them a lot of good to get used to being left alone and gain some independance. The idea of never leaving a 16 year old alone seems ridiculous to me as as has been said, 16 year olds can join the army. They can also get married with parental consent and are legally able to have sex. In some cultures children of four years old are working or looking after younger siblings/cooking meals whilst parents work. Obviously this is quite sad and not something to aspire to, but it does show how capable young children can be if they need to be.


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## billy2mm

if he is mature enough and its only for a short short period then yes i think thats ok. totally depends on the child though.


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## kfenton10

I think it really depends on the child. And I also think the laws vary by state. In MA there is no "legal age" according to the CFS website. But our local YMCA offers babysitting classes at 12. I personally think 12 is a bit young to babysit, but I let my 11 y.o. stay home for short periods. She knows both the neighbors, my mom is less than a mile down the street, and my daughter has shown she can be responsible. My 14 year old step-daughter on the other hand, has shown she can't be trusted and is not left alone even for a quick trip to the store.


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## suzib76

i dont think it depends on the maturity of the child at all tbh

there isnt a 9/10/11 yo out there who is mature enough to deal with the pshycological effects of being alone in a crisis situation


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## LaaLaa

suzib76 said:


> i dont think it depends on the maturity of the child at all tbh
> 
> there isnt a 9/10/11 yo out there who is mature enough to deal with the pshycological effects of being alone in a crisis situation

I guess the question is how likely is it that a crisis situation will occur in a twenty minute time frame at the time said child is left home alone.


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## haggle-b

Its a hard one considering one 9 year old can be so different from another. I worked in a school until recently and the range of maturity in kids the same age amazed me. 

From personal experience I didnt leave my eldest at home alone until she was at high school so 11ish and then for only short periods. My 9 year old wants to stay at home if I have to do a quick errand but I dont think shes ready yet, and I dont think I would want to leave them together, they can have such arguments at times!!

Only you can decide how responsible your son is, there is no right or wrong answer on this one.


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## mommy43

MissMandieMitz said:


> coccyx said:
> 
> 
> did i read someone wouldn't leave a 16 year old. Good grief they could be in the army at that age
> 
> Yup, you read right. I would if *absolutely *necessary (like emergency with another kid, or spouse) but wouldn't leave him just because it's convenient for the kid or me. You see people all the time leaving their teenagers home alone and then they wonder why their teens are getting pregnant, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, etc.
> 
> After all, a 16 year old is still legally a child.Click to expand...

surely thats ott!! a 16 yr old dosent have to be home alone to do any of those things you cant be with them 24/7 they stop at friends, n go out 
i also think if kids are not given a bit of resposibility every now n then they dont know how to handle it when they get that bit older


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## miss.kayleigh

i was 8 when i began walking home from school alone and letting myself in and waiting for my mum to get in. i was very responsible it depends on the child i think xxxx


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## v2007

It depends on the child tbh. 

If you feel safe then its ok. 

V xxx


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## tallybee

mommy43 said:


> MissMandieMitz said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> coccyx said:
> 
> 
> did i read someone wouldn't leave a 16 year old. Good grief they could be in the army at that age
> 
> Yup, you read right. I would if *absolutely *necessary (like emergency with another kid, or spouse) but wouldn't leave him just because it's convenient for the kid or me. You see people all the time leaving their teenagers home alone and then they wonder why their teens are getting pregnant, drinking, smoking, doing drugs, etc.
> 
> After all, a 16 year old is still legally a child.Click to expand...
> 
> surely thats ott!! a 16 yr old dosent have to be home alone to do any of those things you cant be with them 24/7 they stop at friends, n go out
> i also think if kids are not given a bit of resposibility every now n then they dont know how to handle it when they get that bit olderClick to expand...

Um yeah OTT for sure IMO... Also 16 years old is NOT a child, perhaps that age is legally a child in some parts of the world but certainly not here. Wrap them in cotton wool and expect them to go out into the world with the skills they need to get on? Good grief!
At 16 we can have full time jobs and be responsible for ourselves. At 16 that is exactly what I was doing - holding down a full time job, paying rent, paying income tax, looking after myself. 

Anyway back to the thread topic - of course it depends on the child. There isn't a legal age at which leaving them is allowed - so it's up to the parents to weigh up. Some are ready at a younger age than others. That is to be expected - we are all individuals, after all. 

Anyone see the news story recently about a 14-yr-old minding his little brother and the parents getting a police caution for it though?


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## otion

nevermind do that. too danger to me


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## miss cakes

i think it really does depend on the child i was very mature for my age and at 8 i walked to n from school myself and my mum would leave me alone to go to the shop or whatever not all day long but half n hour like on the other hand i wouldnt leave my daughter alone still and shes 11 as in the past ve gone up the shop and left her for ten minutes and she starts to panic that im taking too long so for that reason i dont i think you as the parent know when they are ready and you feel comfortable x


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