# Looking for people TTC after miscarriage



## MrsFruitie

Hi Ladies, 

We had it confirmed today that I have unfortunately had a missed miscarriage. At my scan I should have shown 10 weeks but the fetal pole measured 6 with no heartbeat. 

I have opted for the minor surgery which will take place Monday 24th. I am too emotional to deal with the physical pain of a natural passing as well. 

As soon as we have the all clear we aim to try again as we are looking forward to being a family. Me and my husband are very much in love and cannot wait to share our happiness and love with a little baby.

Im looking for women in similar situations to share our TTC post loss journey together, and support each other! 

Thanks ladies and stay strong.
We can do this! &#10084;&#65039;


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## LadyStardust4

:hugs:

Hi Mrs Frutie

So sorry to hear your sad news. Sending all my love for the 24th which I know will not be an easy day for you.

I am currently going through a similar thing. My partner and I had been trying to conceive and got our BFP in June (on Father's Day!). The pregnancy was very typical and no issues but on my scan day (14th August), we were advised that the baby had major abnormalities and would not survive outside the womb. I had to have a medical termination which was heartbreaking. I am currently waiting for my cycles to return before we discuss trying again.

I too am looking for ladies in a similar position to share the journey with for all its ups and downs! Would love to stay in touch. Stay strong xx


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## MrsFruitie

Oh Stardust Im very sorry to hear your sad news too. Huge hug to you. It really is heartbreaking, but at the same time when we do have our babies we will appreciate them all the more &#10084;&#65039;


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## Chickybaby

Hi ladies may I join? So sorry yo hear of your losses. I already have one child but just had my first miscarriage and have found talking about it so healing but am struggling to find support in the 'real world' so would love some here especially with the terrifying journey of TTCAL.

Everything seemed to be going well with this pregnancy, great hcg, bub measuring ahead, strong heartbeat, perfect growth rate. I had been spotting but had spotted through my entire last pregnancy so hoped for the best. Unfortunately our third scan showed growth had stopped just after 8 weeks 2 days. Heartbreaking for sure. I went on to miscarry naturally while waiting to hear from the hospital. I totally understand your desire for medical treatment mrsfrutie as I wanted the same. 

I'm still having the odd bleed here and there and it's been a week and a half since I passed everything. Will have another blood draw on Monday to check hcg. Hopeing it has dropped way down.

Trying to decide when to start trying again. I wanted to wait one cycle but now I'm not sure, I just want to be pregnant again but don't want to rush anything too much. 

Thinking of you ladies.


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## MrsFruitie

Hi Chickybaby, 
Im sorry for your loss also. And I agree its much easier to talk about with women in similar situations on here. 
Its a heartbreaking situation that unfortunately we have no control over at all, sometime it just salt happens. 
Im really worried mine will start naturally before the surgery, I really dont know how I would cope emotionally. 
We will be trying to conceive as soon as it is safe again, as we are so excited to start a family together. Im hoping it happens quickly like Ive seen with a lot of post loss ladies, however the first pregnancy took a while so Im unsure... xx


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## Chickybaby

Mrsfrutie yes it still feels surreal. I still can't quite believe I've lost a baby. Crazy how quickly the world moves on.

Sorry you a worried about having a natural miscarriage. I was terrified too but was already bleeding so it happened quite quickly. Most women I no have had a d & c weeks latter with no bleeding in the meantime. Please try not to stress though, you are stronger than you think and will get through this.

We were lucky this time and got pregnant first try. Took 8 months with our first. I had messed up cycles after bcp. 

The info on when to try again is so different depending on who you talk to. I think I will wait to see how long it takes to ovulate or if I do and go from there.


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## LadyStardust4

Hi Chickybaby

Sorry to hear your story.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you're finding it healing to talk about it. I feel the same but I almost feel like it's expected of me to keep it to myself in the 'real' world. So I think this forum will be a great source of comfort for me in my journey.

I'm also not sure how long to leave it before trying again. There's so much different advice online isn't there?! I think the main thing is that you allow one natural period for your womb to heal. So I'm currently waiting for that. I'm pretty sure I have ovulated as I had my normal signs - slight pain and EGCM but I didn't test so we will see!

I really hope we can all stay in touch and document this exciting and frustrating journey together until we all have our rainbows :)


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## MrsFruitie

Hi Ladies, 
I agree, its nice having people to share the journey and talk through any worries, and equally any positives we come across. 
My doctors said they advise waiting until your period after the miscarriage, but theres no reason you cant try sooner. I think its easier to track the pregnancy if you wait for your true cycle to start. Plus it gives time for your uterus to rebuild to accommodate a little bean again. 
I think we will actively try after the first period, but wont be 100% careful before then just in case. We dont want to miss a possible pregnancy opportunity. 
My op is a week tomorrow and Im really nervous about general anaesthetic!! Last time I went under for my tonsils out it wasnt pleasant at all &#128553;


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## LadyStardust4

Aww hun, I feel for you. I really do! But having had a medical termination myself - I almost wish I&#8217;d opted for the operation. Just have it all done with me not knowing anything about it! But as ours had a post mortem to check for chromosomal issues, it was the only way!

It&#8217;s funny, I think this is the first time in my life I&#8217;ve been looking forward to having a period! I think I can feel it on the way! As soon as it&#8217;s over, I&#8217;m all over it! Would love to be pregnant again before Christmas but the first attempt took 9 months so we will see!!

X


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## Chickybaby

Yes I think we will wait for the first cycle too. Might bring some sort of closure as well that the last pregnancy is complete and my body is back to normal and ready for the next time.

Thinking of you mtsfruitie! Everyone who I no who has had a d & c have did it was great (as great as this can be) going to sleep and waking up with it all gone. I think recovery might be a bit quicker too. Horrible how it drags on for so long though.

Ladystardust4 also really looking forward to getting my period. Would also love to be pregnant by Christmas but if not then by the due date. I'm dreading that day.


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## MrsFruitie

I think we are all the same then, wanting to be pregnant again by Christmas. Fingers crossed for us all. 
Lady Stardust you are right! Ive neber looked forward to a period before, but I cant wait for my first one after this!! 
Ive got loads of ovulation test pee sticks ready and waiting to try again. 
Ive told my husband to take plenty of vitamins and keep hydrated as hes in for a busy few months until we conceive again... poor man &#128514;


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## Chickybaby

Yes bring on AF (how strange) haha. 

Might get some ovulation strips myself hmmm will see how we go.

Just hope everything gets back to normal soon. I am still breastfeeding though and had only had one pp period so who knows? 

Will you ladies be using contraception for the first cycle? Think we will just use withdrawal... If I ever stop bleeding...

Started to get excited about the prospect of trying again :)


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## LadyStardust4

we are both also on the pre-natal vitamins! We both take them with our breakfast before going off to work haha. They were bloody expensive - spent about £37 for a three months supply but any tiny thing I can do to improve our chances of a healthy pregnancy - I am going to take it! Even though the thing that happened could not have been prevented.

I have a few cheapy ovulation tests and 3 or 4 Clearblue ones but I'm tempted to avoid cycle tracking for a couple of months to avoid stress and disappointment. 

Out of interest... what were your due dates? Mine was meant to be 23rd Feb which is one week after my 30th Birthday! I'm dreading that time coming around. xx


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## Chickybaby

Mine was 9th of April. Will be a hard day for sure. I turn 30 in January. Really wanted to be pregnant by my 30th! Still time xx


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## LadyStardust4

Massive fingers crossed and make sure you keep us up to date x


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## MrsFruitie

Mine was 11th April. 
Im hoping to get pregnant by Xmas again. Ive read its easier to get pregnant right after a loss than waiting... though it could be internet nonsense. 
Ive had a really down day today. Constant sharp pains across my abdomen reminding me of the loss. Really struggled at work. This time next week I will hopefully be released from hospital and resting in bed &#128553;


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## Chickybaby

I'm so sorry Mrsfruitie. It is so hard to find any kind of peace and 'move on' while it is still happening. This loss is so fresh for you. Every time I think I've stopped bleeding it starts again soooo frustrating. Not much now so good it stops soon. 

Have also heard fertility is increased. Hope we all get our rainbows by Christmas time and still get to have 2019 babies xx


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## MrsFruitie

I hope we all do to. It will be nice if we all manage to get pregnant again soon and can share our positive stories together. 
It really does help having people to talk to in similar situations. Im struggling to talk about it in the real world as peoples sadness looks when you tell them make me cry more. 
Chickybaby were you part of the April 2019 babies group before your loss? I think I may have spoken to you on there?


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## LadyStardust4

MrsFruitie, I'm sorry to hear about your down day. I had very bad abdominal pains last week and was still testing positive but everything seems to have calmed down again now and I'm negative again. I will be thinking of you on Monday.

Good news for me today... AF arrived, yay! So I'm planning to try this cycle. Not going to obsess about tracking right now as really don't feel I could handle the stress of being unsuccessful.

My best friend confided in me that's she's pregnant (literally tested last night). She wasn't trying and didn't want to have babies for a couple of years but she has PCOS so wasn't being particularly careful either. I'm so happy for her... but I also can't help feeling a little bit jealous and a TEEEEENY bit bitter. 

That's awful isn't it :dohh:

Hope you've both had an ok day today. Sending positive thoughts xx


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## Chickybaby

MrsFruite, yes I was. I remember you being there too. Do what makes you comfortable. You don't have to tell people if you don't want too, everyone processes and handles this differently. I've had a few people ask when we will be having another and the ones I'm close enough to I've told, i t shuts them up pretty quick. 

Talk about anything you want here, that's the great thing about this community. Would be great to share good news with each other soon xx

Ladystrdust no that's not awful at all. You're more than entitled to feel that way. Being sad for yourself and wishing you were sharing good news instead doesn't mean you're not happy for her, you're just sad for you. Totally normal and justified. I've had some of the ugliest thoughts, but I'm being kind to myself I'm not a bad person I'm just still grieving. 

Congratts on AF! That's great. I think I've finally stopped bleeding (watch it start again now I've said that) I will hopefully ovulate soon and be back to trying in a month or so. Argh that sounds so far away!


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## MrsFruitie

Congrats on AF! (Something I never thought Id say to anyone!) I agree with babychicky, totally normal to feel envious. 
I told my mum about the miscarriage and shes been really cruel to me (shes a little wrong in the head...) she started showing me pictures of babies at my sisters wedding on Saturday and telling me how cute new born babies are. She also kept making comments like you should have a drink, because well... you can now cant you?! 
My husband nearly screamed at her but didnt as to not ruin my sisters day. &#128553; just horrible!! X


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## jacthekeebler

Hey MrsFruitie, 

Sorry to hear about your loss. I too have recently had a miscarriage. I found out on August 6th that I was expecting and by that Friday the bleeding and cramping had begun. I stopped bleeding after about 6 days. My bf and I started trying again days after the bleeding had stopped. I took a preg test last week and it was positive. Just a little nervous because of the mc. I am feeling crampy but no bleeding so far! 

I wish you all the best in trying to conceive. lets get that BFP!!!!


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## Chickybaby

MrsFruitie so sorry to hear about your mums reaction. People are stupid. 

Congrats on your new bfp jacthekeebler. This is a new baby and new pregnancy remember that. Cramping is normal, scary for sure though. All the best


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## MissDoc

Hi ladies. I just read through your stories and I am so sorry for your losses. And Fruitie, shame on your mom, of all people, for purposefully being cruel like that. That's really awful. 

As for me, I am struggling a little more than I thought I was going to, because my loss was early, and I have a child. My brain says I don't deserve to be this sad as I have a living son, and I shouldn't be "greedy" by hoping so much for another child. We worked really hard and long for our son, with very low ovarian reserve and some other egg issues, and have been trying for a second/final child, with the knowledge that it may not happen. Well, last cycle I got an early BFP and I tested multiple times a day, every day I was so happy. But at some point the lines didn't darken, and I started getting period like cramps, then the bleeding started, and within a few days... no more BFP. This very next cycle we felt we could try again, and right now I'm in my TWW but feeling very out due to cramping, low, very hard cervix, temp drop, and general sense AF is coming. And it's all getting to me now. The loss, the likelihood that this cycle is probably a bust as well, and the knowledge that next cycle my husband is out of town for my entire fertile week, so won't be able to try again for a while. And I'm just feeling really sorry for myself, above and beyond what the situation calls for. 

So I'm giving myself a couple of days to just be sad and then I'll try to rally, focus on being healthy for the next month or so, until we can try again.


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## Chickybaby

Welcome MissDoc. Sorry to hear about your loss. There aren't any rules with these situations. Your grief is real. You are allowed to feel pain over this. I think as a women, most of us have become attached and pictured our lives with that child the moment that second line comes up. Regardless of how early that loss is, it feels like losing the potential for that child and that life which you have already pictured and planned for. I'm not sire if that made sense but that's kind of how i have felt. I already have a healthy child who fills my heart but I had wrapped my heart around the idea that we were growing out family. That he was going to be a big brother and that they would be close together in age. 

Sorry you feel you are out this cycle. Super frustrating to have to wait next cycle. I feel the same about having to wait for my next period. I don't even no when I will ovulate so could be a while before we actually get to try again. So frustrating. 

I feel like I rambled a bit there. Hope some of it made sense


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## LadyStardust4

Chickybaby - your mum's behaviour is hurtful and uncalled for. Isn't it always the way that it's the people that should be fighting our corner that end up disappointing us?

Welcome MissDoc and Jacthekeebler. So sorry for both of you and MissDoc... a loss is no less real when it's earlier on. As Chickybaby said... the second you see that positive pregnancy test you have pictured that baby in your life and made plans in your head. Sadness and disappointment is expected. Wishing you a successful pregnancy very soon! (For all of us actually!)


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## Lucinda7981

Hello everyone,
I found out I was expecting after a Femera cycle upon returning from celebrating our 10 week wedding anniversary; this was at the end of July. I recall having my first prenatal visit mid August. By the end of August/beginning Sept we found out it was another missed miscarriage. I decided to take medication to complete the miscarriage only to have to have a d&c almost two weeks later. Tues will make 2 wks since my d&c and planning to try asap. Upon going over the possible reasons for this miscarriage and my previous one Jan 2017 I found that information on previous dr records were not carried over. I&#8217;m going for my follow up at obgyn n high risk dr on Tuesday. I know obgyn said wait 3 cycles but I don&#8217;t plan to follow that as how can I listen to a dr who didn&#8217;t read over my past medical history. So I&#8217;m hoping that I will be put in the corrects meds by high risk dr and hopefully conceive soon. To make matters worse it has spread at work that I&#8217;m expecting which I can&#8217;t blame them as I look very pregnant which makes everything soooooo hard! I&#8217;m constantly asked about when I&#8217;m due or reminded of my pregnancy by others :/ I am 37 and have 2 beautiful children!


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## MrsFruitie

Hello new ladies, Im very sorry for your losses and feel your heartbreak. 

Lucinda, that must be upsetting at work, Im sorry people keep asking you. 

Ive told my colleagues at work and booked next week off work following the surgery to remove. I dont expect to be in a good state of mind. Hoping the doctor gives me a sick note! 

Got my consent meeting at the hospital today and pre op blood tests. 

The whole process is horrible and heartbreaking. 

This was my first pregnancy and Im really worried it has taken the magic and happiness away from future pregnancies. Ill just be anxious the whole way through. 

Also yes my mums cruel behaviour was awful at my sisters wedding, but unfortunately she has always been that way so I sadly was not shocked by it. I certainly wont be telling her any news in future!!


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## LadyStardust4

Oh I&#8217;m sorry Mrs Fruitie... I just realised I thought it was Chickybabys mum. I&#8217;m easily confused!


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## MrsFruitie

No need to apologise ladystardust &#10084;&#65039;


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## lesondemavie

Hi Fruitie and Chicky fellow former dewdrops :hugs: mind if I join? I&#8217;m over 2 weeks out from my D&C now and thinking I might be Oing based on cramping but idk. We can&#8217;t try this cycle but I want to know when to expect AF. Been doing lots to focus on myself and my own health and that helps. Fruitie - I&#8217;ve sadly been through this before, so if you&#8217;re feeling it I&#8217;ve probably felt it before too. Losing your first is different in a lot of ways. I know how hard it can be. I do have my rainbow now and I can say that pregnancy wasn&#8217;t nearly as joyful and blissful as it was the first time, but every milestone means so much more, and once you get through this you can look back and appreciate how your journey helped shape you to be a better mother and person in general while still hating that you ever had to go through it in the first place. Feel it fully for it is the only way to find healing. Also I may be biased (esp now that it&#8217;s for sure that I will only have rainbows), but I&#8217;m fully convinced that rainbows are just the best babies ever <3


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## LadyStardust4

lesondemavie said:


> Hi Fruitie and Chicky fellow former dewdrops :hugs: mind if I join? Im over 2 weeks out from my D&C now and thinking I might be Oing based on cramping but idk. We cant try this cycle but I want to know when to expect AF. Been doing lots to focus on myself and my own health and that helps. Fruitie - Ive sadly been through this before, so if youre feeling it Ive probably felt it before too. Losing your first is different in a lot of ways. I know how hard it can be. I do have my rainbow now and I can say that pregnancy wasnt nearly as joyful and blissful as it was the first time, but every milestone means so much more, and once you get through this you can look back and appreciate how your journey helped shape you to be a better mother and person in general while still hating that you ever had to go through it in the first place. Feel it fully for it is the only way to find healing. Also I may be biased (esp now that its for sure that I will only have rainbows), but Im fully convinced that rainbows are just the best babies ever <3

This has just made me cry!


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## Chickybaby

Welcome lesondemavie, more than welcome to join of course. Don't think we will try this first cycle either. Feel like my body is still pretty messed up. Cramping on and off. Has been over 2 weeks since I passed everything but have only just stopped spotting. Hope to ovulate soon and get back to some sort of normal with my cycle. You will be a real asset to these ladies offering support and perspective. 

Looking at my health over here too. Physical and mental, trying to get more active, eat clean and really live in the moment more mindfully. Enjoy the good things on life. Still allowing myself down moments to grieve that picture I had of our babes playing together. We will get that some day, the picture will just be a bit different..


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## LadyStardust4

I'm having a bit of a down day today. When I was pregnant I had downloaded a couple of pregnancy apps and signed up to different pages. I thought I had unsubscribed from them all but today whilst I was on my lunch break at work I had an email from pampers giving me tips on how to prepare now that I am 17 weeks pregnant...

I then went back to my desk and imagined how things would be if my pregnancy had been healthy - talking to different people in the office about scans/gender/breast feeding/etc etc. 

Most the time I think I'm coping really well and then one tiny thing like that can make me feel like the world is crashing in on me. I really do feel like something way taken away from me that day. 

However, I am grateful to be able to talk these things over with you ladies who know exactly how I'm feeling.

MrsFruitie - how are you feeling about Monday at the moment? Will be thinking of you xx


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## Lucinda7981

Mrs Frutie yes very frustrating.....I work at a school and the adults act like the children of not worse :/
Goodluck on your surgery and yes this whole process take the magic out of everything. Im also on edge that something will go wrong


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## MrsFruitie

lesondemavie - you made me cry too! Thank you for your kind words and understanding. 

Stardust- I would have found that upsetting also, I have just unsigned to everything and dread an email coming through. 

Im stressed about Monday. The hospital said my husband wont be able to stay with me either so Ill be stuck doing it alone until he can pick me up. Had the consent meeting yesterday which is always pants when theyre advising ways you could potentially die!


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## lesondemavie

So my temp is up this morning, and the crampiness is gone - just like when I Od after my first mmc. I dont usually cramp with O, but I did that first cycle last time too. I guess that means I Od right on time...either that or my temp never dropped &#129335;. Hoping its the former. Would love to move on sooner rather than later. Didnt realize that Oing 2 weeks after a D&C was a thing, but seems it happens for some. My LP is usually only 10 days, so maybe less than 2 weeks until AF is here &#129310;

I looked back at your posts and just want to share a few thoughts from my experience:

1. Whatever you feel at any moment is never awful. Youre probably going to have sad moments and sad days for a while. You need to take care of yourselves and your own hearts and ask for space when you need it. My brother and his wife are oopsie expecting baby 2 on her first pp O with PCOS. They knew we were expecting and so they know of our loss, and Ive asked them to give me time and let me reach back out when I feel I can handle it. The key for me is taking on painful triggers slowly and when I can control it rather than all at once or by surprise. The first time my other SIL unaware of our loss sent us a text announcing she was having a boy with an ultrasound and bump photo while I was still bleeding. I nearly lost it and had DH tell her what was going on and ask her to only give us updates when we asked moving forward. Oh man, if I had a penny every time I felt like an asshole on this journey, Id be rich &#129315;

2. Its completely possible to be both happy and sad in the same moment. My best friends son was 1 when I went through my first mmc and I sobbed the whole way home after my first time hanging out with them after. I was so happy when I was with them, bc I love them, and my little nephew was so fun, but my heart was aching to be a mama and I didnt know if I was ever going to get what she had. Going and being with them that day was still the right decision for me; the crying was cathartic, and it got easier with time.

3. I was desperate to get pregnant again after my first mmc, and that feeling is not much different this time around. The thought of being pregnant again within 1-3 months of my mmc kept me afloat for that time, but as month 3 came and went that hope deflated and I had to grieve all over again. I saw many women pg with rainbows 1-3 months after and I hope it happens for all of us here, but odds are it will only happen for some. Obs tell you its most likely his bad luck, but the percentage of miscarriages causes by chromosomal abnormalities is just 50-60%. The other 40-50% of women are like me...theres something else going on like an easy to fix thyroid disorder or clotting disorder or hormone imbalance or something like endo or PCOS which can affect egg quality (although I guess the egg quality issues would show up in that 50-60%). It makes me so mad that they dont just screen for these things when its just a simple blood test. I guess my advice is hope for that easy road from here but expect to be trying longer just in case, and push for testing sooner rather than later if you have any gut feeling at all that something is off. I have short cycles and a short LP so I just knew something was wrong and had to fight tooth and nail to get them to check and refer me. *sigh* It just really depends so go with whatever works best for you, just keep in mind that if you put all your hope in it happening fast then it can be crushing if it doesnt work out that way.

4. Speaking of timelines, they can just add to how hard this is if you focus on them too much. I wanted my first baby before I turned 35. I had her 3 months after that and it didnt really matter. Meeting her brought my heart so much peace regardless. I want my kids to be 2 grades apart but we only have 1-2 shots left at that so Im trying to grieve that dream and let it go just in case. Those thoughts will always be there. Its more a matter of not giving them too much of your time bc you just never know.

5. The anticipation of my EDD was far worse than my EDD itself. It will come, you can do something special to remember your baby, and then it will go. At least thats how it was for me. I cried of course but I was no stranger to that over the 7 months prior. Having just gone through my second loss the week prior, four friends welcoming healthy babies in that month prior (one exactly on my EDD), and with DH out of town, I thought I was going to fall to pieces, but I didnt. It was actually a very healing day; a day when I could finally let that baby and the dream for what could have been rest. Regardless of how it hits us individually, we will all get through it together <3

Last, I cant remember who mentioned the emails but ugh yes it took me forever to get rid of them. One formula company even sent samples to my moms address around my EDD last time. I dont even know how they got her address, and I hadnt shared anything with her so she was very confused! Hope those reminders are gone for you all for now <3

AFM, I have my moments. I had this beautiful dream of my two kids playing together and woke up crying. Im mostly ok, but I think thats a combo of being a mama now and numbness from what I went through before. Somehow I feel like Im doing this wrong, but its ok that its different this time. Doing my best to take my own advice, be kind to myself, and just trust my heart to get me through this again no matter what lies ahead.


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## lesondemavie

Also can we make a rule that Thanks in this thread are hugs? That&#8217;s what it feels like to me anyway :hugs:


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## Chickybaby

Love that rule! Hugs for now, more later xx


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## Chickybaby

Thanks for sharing your thoughts lesonde, great insight into a rough, confusing somewhat lonely journey. I'm having a down moment.. Can you tell?

Gah I feel like I'm doing OK, happy even. Have had the most amazing day with my son, the weathers getting warmer (I'm in NZ so going into summer) but now that he's in bed and everything is done for the night I feel a bit flat. I have two gift bags in my wardrobe which I just spotted. One has keepsakes from my pregnancy with my son and his first year, ultrasounds, birthday cards, his little hat they pur on him when he was born, Santa photo from last Christmas. This bag is bursting full of wonderful memories. The other bag was for this pregnancy, it has some happy memories in it too, a disk with footage of our beautiful babies heart beating, the positive pregnancy test, also an ultrasound picture of my baby after their heart had stopped and a letter I wrote to them. This bag is so woefully empty it breaks my heart, I want this bag up there next to my sons, I just wish it was going to be bursting full like his. 

Cramping today, EWCM, I would be surprised if I would ovulate this quickly. My two PP cycles I had ovulation spotting which was new for me. Will see if that happens again at dome stage. Having mixed emotions today about moving into a new cycle. I want to so we can move on and try again but it seems like the true end of that last pregnancy. I don't want to say goodbye to that baby.


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## MrsFruitie

Aww Chicky, the memory boxes sound like a wonderful thing but sad regarding this pregnancy. Its nice to have some memories from it to look back on though, and know that it was real and grieve. Im sorry you are in such emotional pain, its heartbreaking to go through this. (Big hug) 

Im currently sat in hospital waiting for the procedure. Theyve very kindly given me a private room so my husband can stay with me, which Im happy about as Ive been so stressed about doing this alone. 

How is everyone coping today? 

Xx


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## Chickybaby

MrsFruitie yes I love that I have these tangible memories. I will tressure them always, I think I need to realise this will always hurt. The pain will fade and i won't think about it always but the hurt will still be there. 

Coping much better today. Keeping busy, moving forward. Had some very sharp pain on my right lower abdomen. Not sure if ovulation, some EWCM but no spotting. Who knows. Will see if I get my period in a few weeks or not. 

I was meant to get a final blood test last week to check my hcg had dropped to 0 but I didn't. Woops, should probably do that tomorrow I guess. Unless I just take a hpt. Did you ladies get tested to make sure you were back to 0?

MrsFruitie i hope your day go as well as it can. I am glad they have provided you with a private room to share with your husband, I am sure it is comforting having him there. Thinking of you today. Xx


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## lesondemavie

It&#8217;s in those quiet moments that I grieve as well Chicky :hugs:. It absolutely will always hurt. It&#8217;s just a matter of getting to a place where that&#8217;s ok. I think so often we are taught that pain is bad, that we have to take it away and run from it. I disagree, but it takes time to get there. It took me months and months the first time. I&#8217;d think I was ok and then something would hit me and I&#8217;d be in tears again. 

Others who had been through miscarriage but had their rainbows already would tell me that they appreciate their MC bc without it they would never have their now son or daughter. I never understood that. It made me angry. How could they be ok with never meeting their other child, sacrificing him or her for the baby they have now? At the time my little Gremlin was my only child and I loved that little babe fiercely from the second I saw those two lines. Now that I have CJ, I get it but maybe in a different way? I can&#8217;t picture my life without me daughter, she is my heart and soul, and yea I wouldn&#8217;t have exactly her if my journey wasn&#8217;t the awful mess that it was, BUT my heart still wants it all. In my dreams, I have them both in my arms and they play together and life is grand, and I picture that dream when I look at Gremlin&#8217;s keepsake book. Why not since anything is possible in your dreams?

Speaking of not feeling that same bliss and love in pregnancy after MC, even though this loss was later, even though I had weekly checks showing everything was going well, my reaction to our no hb ultrasound was of course and I don&#8217;t have that same dream for this baby. I was happy to be pg and I celebrated being pg while I could but I didn&#8217;t let myself fall in love with this baby. I try to picture the three of them together and I can&#8217;t. Guess I&#8217;m just a bit numb from it all. Maybe one day my heart will let me dream of that happy fantasy.

Fruitie - So glad you have a private room and the support you need :hugs:. The nurses for my procedure were absolutely lovely. Hope you have the same experience on this difficult day :hugs:


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## lesondemavie

Oh and I&#8217;ll have another hcg check on Thursday. They just need it under 5.


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## MrsFruitie

And Im home! A traumatic and sad day. Bleeding quite a bit post surgery and sort crampy tummy. Had a reaction to the general and felt very very sick, so was an extra 2 hours in recovery. My poor husband was worried wandering the wards looking for me!! 

Glad Im out of hospital and I can rest rest rest!! Glad the worst of the physical side is over. Im waiting for the wash of emotion to hit me when I wake up tomorrow, knowing my poor bean has left my body. Glad my husband has taken some time too to be with me and grieve together &#10084;&#65039;


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## Chickybaby

Thanks lesonde, I think we all deal with things so differently. This is such a rollercoaster. I don't no that I will ever appreciate my MC, I can understand why that comment would make you angry. I understand what they meant in theory. But i too want the dream, the easy road without pain. Our next baby will be special and worth it all once we get them, but that baby would have been too.

Desperate to be pregnant again and terrified at the same time. I'm already anxious and fear this loss will push the stress to the max next time. But I need to actually get pregnant first so no point worrying about that... One step at a time. 

MrsFruitie glad you are home and recovering. Sorry you reacted to the general, talk about adding insult to injury! Hope your physical recovery happens swiftly and you are able to work through the emotional recovery as best you can. Embrace those days with your husband to talk and cry and to whatever you need to do xx


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## lesondemavie

Glad all worked out MrsF. May your tears and time with DH be healing <3

Chicky - Yea I&#8217;ll never get to love this journey. Even though I can appreciate who I am and what I have today and see that in part I am in this place bc of what I&#8217;ve been through, I&#8217;ll never look back fondly on this time or my past miscarriages. It&#8217;s awful. 

I&#8217;m struggling today. Struggling with even the thought of opening myself back up to this hurt again. Trying to grant myself some kindness, let the tears flow (when I can), and realize I don&#8217;t have to make any decisions just yet.


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## Chickybaby

Sorry you are having a down day lesonde. Crying is such a healer, I always feel like a lot of tension has gone after a good cry. Doesn't make that decision any easier but helps to get some of the feelings out. 

Yes be kind to yourself. Try not to put pressure on yourself or let anyone else actions put pressure on you. Plenty of time for decisions. 

Nothing happening here. Blood test when I can get in to get it done. Then we wait... Will see how we feel once AF cokes. Might just NTNP but doubt in would be very good at that. Can't help but notice fertile signs and all that.


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## MrsFruitie

Hi all. 
Recovering well here and the post surgery bleeding nearly stopped already. Tummys a bit uncomfortable from the procedure but the main pain is emotional. 

One thing the doc didnt mention was when we can have sex again? Does anyone know if this is in a week or two? 

We have decided to definitely wait until 1 period until we actively try again, but I do miss being intimate with my husband. We havent in a few weeks prior to the op due to the heartbreaking situation. 

Hes going back to work today and I think Im going to struggle emotionally on my own for the next few days. Luckily he is popping by in his lunch break for a cuddle. 

Im also sorry you are having a low day Lesondemavie. I can understand why you would feel that way about opening up to the possibility of this hurt again. I didnt know your heart could break this painfully over anything. 

Thats how I feel today, like my heart is shattered and broken. My heart hurts.


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## lesondemavie

That&#8217;s exactly how I described it last time MrsF. I felt like my heart had swelled with a love I had never known before and then burst into a million pieces. Along the way I&#8217;d start picking up the pieces and then I&#8217;d hit a bump and drop them all again. It was so very hard to patch it all back together. 

Eventually I had a thought that helped me break that cycle. That heart is gone, but it wasn&#8217;t my heart after all...it was a new one, one that grew just for my little babe. After that I could focus on healing the heart I still had, the one I pour into my marriage and my job and more, and I could trust that I&#8217;d eventually hopefully maybe one day grow a new heart for a new little babe that I&#8217;d get to hold in my arms....and one day I had the good fortune of learning just how infinite a mother&#8217;s love can be <3

Whatever your journey is from here, whatever thoughts or moments end up helping you and bringing you healing, it helps to just remember that one day somehow someway this dark cloud will lift.


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## HappyWay

Hello all,

I had a miscarriage on Aug 23rd, was a part of DewDrops thread till then. Was supposed to be my first child.

I have lots of support from my husband, but i still feel so alone in this pain. Got my first AF yesterday night. (So much for the dreams of being able to get pregnant without an AF following miscarriage. Crazy enough to take 20 hpts since 2 weeks expecting a second line) When i saw the AF yesterday, it felt like i shattered all over again, all the coping for the past 5 weeks is suddenly gone and i am a mess in my mind all over again.


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## MrsFruitie

Hello Happyway, 
Im very sorry for your loss and the heartbreak you are going through. 
I know you wanted to get pregnant again without an AF, but its possibly for the best you have got an AF first. It means your body has healed enough to hold a baby again afterwards (my doctor said this is why they tell you to wait). If you get pregnant before an AF the uterus may not be built back up enough again to hold a baby so soon. 
Fingers crossed that you conceive again this cycle. Xx


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## HappyWay

Thank you for the kind words, MrsFruitie. 

My brain knows that and understands it's for the best but no other part of me is able to accept anything that is happening for the last 6 weeks of my life. I don't know what to do to be able to go past this. I am fine some days, but the others...

I am mentally picturing sitting beside you all and crying my heart out, no matter how many 'it's going to be fines' i got from my family, i really feel that they think that i should be over my emotional pain by now, i feel you are the only people who can understand what i am going through now. I am hoping for the phase where i could think of this without breaking down completely..


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## Chickybaby

Welcome happyway. This is such a lonely journey. U initially felt a lot of support from my family and husband and some friends (some more than others) but as time has gone on I feel like everyone else has moved on and I'm still sitting here missing my baby and wonder why? Or what if? I get what you ate saying about feeling everyone thinks you should be over it, I have felt the same like people think it wasn't a 'real' baby so I should pull myself together and move on. 

Lean on us, get any ugly thoughts out here, ask any questions. Talking has been so healing for me and hope you find the same. 

You will get to a place where you won't be breaking down as often. I think there will always be triggers which see that overwhelming grief wash over us for a while but we have to trust things will be good again someday somehow. Xx


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## HappyWay

You said the exact words for what i am feeling, Chickybaby.
:hugs::hugs:


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## lesondemavie

Happy: First off likes are hugs in this group :hugs:. Welcome never seems to be the right thing to say in groups like this, it&#8217;s awful that any of us are here in the first place, so instead our arms are open and you are not alone. I talked about something similar my last post. My first mmc I felt like I was done, in a good place, and then a trigger would hit and it felt like I was starting all over. I think with time you come to accept that you&#8217;ll never get over this, it will always hurt, but life does go on and there can still be light and sun and happiness in your future...just maybe not now.

I hate hate hate that anyone seems to think that they can decide what a reasonable grieving period should be for anyone else. There are similarities but it also a deeply individual process. There are no rights or wrongs, no time limits, just you and your heart and each moment. BFNs and AF are already hard, when ttc they can come with their own grief, and continuing to face them after a miscarriage just sends you in this perpetual loop of grief on top of grief. Youll learn new things about yourself along the way, each time is different, but it&#8217;s always hard. I felt like I couldn&#8217;t move on while I was still trying. Hopefully you won&#8217;t have to experience that for much longer :hugs:


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## MrsFruitie

How long did you ladies take off before you went back to work? Im due back on Monday but Im still breaking out into tears every hour and as I manage the office I dont want to be sat bawling in front of my team. Plus Im still a little sore from the procedure if I sit up for too long.


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## lesondemavie

I took 3 days the first time, 1 day this time (plus 1 weekend both times). The first time was really rough. I was still crying a ton and I was barely eating. I wasn&#8217;t open about my loss, but there was a flu going around, so when I came back that Wednesday still looking really awful, everyone just assumed I was recovering from the flu. I finally ate something for lunch that day and started feeling a bit better from there.

That being said, we&#8217;re all different and need to listen to our own bodies and hearts. That first time being back at work was a good distraction for me, it was a place where I could pretend like my world wasn&#8217;t falling apart. I also have a job where I&#8217;m out seeing clients the majority of the day, so I didn&#8217;t have to be at the office if I needed to cry in my car alone or avoid triggers like pregnant people complaining about the aches and pains.

Take what time you need <3 :hugs:


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## LadyStardust4

MrsFruitie said:


> How long did you ladies take off before you went back to work? Im due back on Monday but Im still breaking out into tears every hour and as I manage the office I dont want to be sat bawling in front of my team. Plus Im still a little sore from the procedure if I sit up for too long.

Hi MrsFruitie

Please don't go back to work too soon. You must NOT underestimate the emotional trauma you have just experienced and you need to be kind to yourself now and allow your heart and body time to heal. Personally, I was off work for three weeks in total and my manager was really understanding which helped.

Hope you're feeling ok physically xx


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## MrsFruitie

Thanks all. 
I’ve been signed off by my doctor for a second week. I’m not emotionally ready to return to work. I can’t manage the company when I keep bursting out in tears every half hour. 
My husband asked what triggered the tears today, but nothing does, I just find myself crying. 
Could it be the pregnancy hormones exiting now the fetus has been removed?


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## Chickybaby

I replied but the update ate it... Glad you are taking the extra time you need MrsFruitie. I think the hormones have a huge impact and will definitely be affecting your mood. I don't think our husband's fully get it. Mine was really supportive in the begging but now just wants to move on and not talk about it, I'm still having tearful moments and it kind of annoys him I think, I don't know. Our marriage is going through a bit of a rough patch. We haven't had sex in ages and I still don't want to so that's causing some friction. It all just feels hard at the moment


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## lesondemavie

Chicky my husband is the same. They don’t understand the bond, the toll on our bodies, the hormones, the prospect of having to go through it all again, etc. and then us not moving on means they can’t just pick up and move on and so it’s frustrating. Fighting after a miscarriage is so common :hugs:. We still haven’t had sex since we last conceived, but that’s not entirely unusual for me. 

MrsF so glad you can take the time you need <3:hugs:

Hcg down to 13 today for me. Anxious at the prospect of a new cycle starting again. The only thing that’s helping me prepare mentally is that some Love You Like I’m Gonna Lose You bc that’s what I’ve done and what I’ll have to do again for the majority of my journey.


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## MrsFruitie

I couldn’t sleep last night and ended up reading round on forums. A lot of ladies got pregnant immediately after miscarriage and went in to have very healthy babies. I don’t think I’ll be 100% careful until first period, just in case I’m lucky and catch on. 

I cried a lot yesterday. My husband keeps asking what’s triggering it but he doesn’t understand nothing is at all. I just overcome with emotion all of a sudden and bawl


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## Chickybaby

Lesonde men seem like a totally different species sometimes. We had a big talk last night and are getting there. Think some things we will never fully agree on, we just look at things so differently. 

Do you need to keep getting blood tests till it drops down. Might get nine dine today. I've been too busy to get into town till today.

MrsFruitie you do what you feel is right, my Dr said wait one cycle but the gyn at the hospital said that's only for dating purposes. I have chosen to wait. Not quite ready to jump back in yet 

You will see in the previous posts that all of our husbands don't seem to understand, it's frustrating. I think they Want to 'fix' things and there's no real fixing this. 

AFM started spotting yesterday. Just slightly tinged ewcm. Still there this morning but hasn't picked up at all so not sure what that is all about. Will just have to wait and see.


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## lesondemavie

My RE actually didn’t give me a next step in her vm, so I guess I’ll call tomorrow am and see what my next step is. I haven’t asked about the possibility of endo affecting my egg quality. I’m almost too nervous to ask. 

MrsF it’s totally up to you. I’ve seen it all sorts of ways and you never know what your story will be. I really wanted to try again right away this time but my RE is really conservative and there is a statistically higher chance of miscarrying again right after bc your lining needs a chance to rebuild so she said to wait and I feel like it would be a violation of our trust if I didn’t. The first time my ob also said to wait until the next cycle and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to but in the end I needed the break to just sort through my own emotions.

Chicky - Talking it out does help. I did talk to mine about how I was upset that he didn’t ask about the appointment. He said he just forgot, and I said I wish I could just forget, and he hugged me and apologized and we’re ok. It really is about accepting that you can be supportive of the other person without feeling the same way. Not an easy task, but definitely possible. Hope it becomes clear what the spotting is soon.

I’m getting a bit nervous about AF possibly arriving this week. I was really hoping we’d have the genetic results by then. I’m still on the fence about trying right away or doing a 3 month egg health boost and maybe seeing if my RE will do a lap and check for endo. I’m leaning towards trying Oct and Nov and then going that route but idk...the risk of going back through this again is daunting. I’m hoping the genetic results will help me decide. Fx the results get here before my next fertile window.


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## LadyStardust4

Totally get where you are all coming from regarding not being ready to move on and partners 'not quite' getting it. Mine was super supportive when it was all happening but I don't think he realises that I am still going through it emotionally. I am quite good at putting on a brave face but I got upset at the weekend when we were with friends and something that was said was a bit of a trigger. We were joking around about our relationships and my friend said I'm 'needy'. Usually I wouldn't take something like that to heart but it just really got to me and before I knew it I was crying (talk about needy!) haha.

Anyway... it's cycle day 14 of my first proper cycle post termination. We have BD on day 10 and 13 but no positive opk yet (said I wouldn't track it but just so want to be pregnant again!). I would like to try and get another one in tomorrow but not sure if I will get my own way. He doesn't have the biggest mojo at the best of times and he's got a bit of a cold at the moment lol.

Just dreading the next period because I feel like it's going to be a monthly reminder of what I lost and what I want back so badly :( but I will keep you lovely ladies up to date.

Hope you all have a manageable week finding moments of peace and happiness wherever you can


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## lesondemavie

My O was a few days later than usual my first post mmc cycle last time. That can be perfectly normal.

AF and BFNs if they happen will be harder but we are here for you :hugs:. No matter how hard it got, I just kept reminding myself that it was the only path forward to a baby in my arms one day <3


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## Chickybaby

Hello ladies. I have mixed emotions about my period, will be a bit of a full stop after our loss so to speak so I think it will help with moving on... Once we start trying though I'm sure it will become more painful each month as you have said ladystardust.

Just had a phone call and hcg is at 4. Guess my cycle will return soon. More spotting yesterday but none today so far. Feeling crampy and heavy though so maybe my period will come on soon. 

Now that we are getting closer to having ladies trying/testing does anyone have any rules on how to handle bfp announcements? I'm sure we all want to see an announcement when it happens to each other but any thoughts on how to handle this with respect for one and other? 

Hope you get your results soon lesonde and I hope they bring some clarity on what step you want to take next.

My husband wants to NTNP, we will see how that goes. I'm probably to anal to be that relaxed! There is some appeal in going that route but I don't want to miss any opportunities... Don't need to decide now anyway. Xx


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## LadyStardust4

Chickybaby said:


> Hello ladies. I have mixed emotions about my period, will be a bit of a full stop after our loss so to speak so I think it will help with moving on... Once we start trying though I'm sure it will become more painful each month as you have said ladystardust.
> 
> Just had a phone call and hcg is at 4. Guess my cycle will return soon. More spotting yesterday but none today so far. Feeling crampy and heavy though so maybe my period will come on soon.
> 
> Now that we are getting closer to having ladies trying/testing does anyone have any rules on how to handle bfp announcements? I'm sure we all want to see an announcement when it happens to each other but any thoughts on how to handle this with respect for one and other?
> 
> Hope you get your results soon lesonde and I hope they bring some clarity on what step you want to take next.
> 
> My husband wants to NTNP, we will see how that goes. I'm probably to anal to be that relaxed! There is some appeal in going that route but I don't want to miss any opportunities... Don't need to decide now anyway. Xx

Morning Chickybaby. I definitely got a small amount of closure from the arrival of my period. Like you said - it felt like a 'full stop' on the whole experience. As we found out we were pregnant in June and had the TFMR in August, it kind of feels like the whole summer revolved around it and with the weather changing now it feels like everything and everyone is moving on. Does that make any sense at all?

Personally, I would love to hear about BFPs from the rest of the group. I feel like we are all in this together now and a success for one of you ladies will make me really happy and hopeful for myself too. With that said, I TOTALLY understand if anybody else would rather keep that news separate from this group. I am happy to go with the majority on this one! :)


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## lesondemavie

I say let us know. It is different seeing a BFP for someone you know has been through this. From my experience, it’s good to let us know here, but maybe post any photos elsewhere? Then anyone who wants to go see the lines and first ultrasound etc if you post can go join you there and the rest can choose to minimize exposure if that’s what’s right for them.


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## MrsFruitie

I am also happy to hear if any of you lovely ladies get BFPs, as it will bring me hope and I will be exceptionally happy for you after what we have all been through ❤️


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## LadyStardust4

Sounds like a good plan lesondemavie! 
I'm with you MrsFruitie, you ladies have been with me since it happened and are the only people I actually speak to who 'get it'. So I'm going to be over the moon for all of us whenever it happens.
Hope everybody is feeling ok today <3


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## lesondemavie

I’m feeling pretty alone today. I had a mini meltdown yesterday bc I couldn’t find my matcha whisk. It’s not about the matcha. It’s just this morning ritual that I started after my D&C recovery. I wake up do 30 minutes of yoga (I finished day 9 of a 30 day yoga challenge today) and then have a low caffeine matcha with ripple milk. It’s small and silly, but it brings me comfort and helps me feel like I’m taking care of myself. Well DH snapped at me when I ran upstairs and asked him where it was (it was probably in an accusatory tone bc he often scurries my things away). I cried after we found it, and then he softened and asked me what’s wrong (seriously dude? such different places right?). I think I just try to be so strong all of the time that he sometimes forgets that I’m still breaking on the inside. I told him that I didn’t feel like sharing bc he’s in a different place than me which is ok but it means he’s not the right person to be there for me right now. It just doesn’t feel good to share this with him right now bc he expresses more concern than empathy and that just makes me feel worse, more broken, less than. He accepted that, held my hand while I finished crying, and then we got on with our day. I’m seeing my best friends today and that helps. One had a stillborn at 32 weeks so she gets it more than you’d ever want anyone to get it. I think seeing her will make me feel less alone BUT I also don’t want to be that friend that always ruins a good time with dead baby talk soooo...I guess we’ll see <3


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## HappyWay

Hello all,

I am ok today, too much work to get done this week in the office so my mind is keeping busy. But i am dreading this weekend though. Meeting some friends for the whole weekend, the gang keeps making jokes all the time about who is going to be next parents in the group, i just wish no one makes a comment that makes me break down again! Making me think if i need to tell them about the miscarriage to avoid those jokes, but i don't want to share this tragedy with everyone, so i'm not sure :(

I would love to hear BFPs in this group and healthy pregnancy news, would give me a lot of hope and genuinely bring me happiness as i know what you/we are going through.

:hug:


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## Chickybaby

Glad we are all on the same page about announcements. Great idea lesonde about posting pictures/details somewhere else and having it be our choice to see that or not. As we all know some days are harder than others so there may be days where seeing those things will hurt more than others. 

Lesonde I'm sorry you are feeling alone, can totally relate to your comment on your hubby asking what was wrong, sheesh mines done the same. My other favourite comment was when I was opening up about not wanting to try this cycle to ensure that if this happens again I feel like I have done what I could to prevent it, maybe I will feel less at fault that way... He commented on my nostrils being uneven... Thanks. They're soo different to us and so removed from the whole thing. 

Even on here you come across as an incredibly strong woman, being a rock however is soo exhausting, sometimes something has got to give and it all has to come out. I hope some time with friends helps xx 

Happyway glad you are doing OK, keeping busy can definitely help. Hope you manage to have fun with your friends. Those comments always hurt, I've been getting a few questions about when we will be trying for number 2/if we will have more kids, once followed by a comment about how its nice for siblings to grow up close in age... That one hurt. It depends who it is but I either just say we'll see/hopefully or tell them straight up. You do what feels right, but hopefully you won't be put in that position. 

AFM I've been doing good. Super busy so that helps, I kind of feel guilty about how well I'm doing... Its still only been a month. Seems crazy to be living life normally. No more spotting, will see what happens, it dawned on me that we are already officially in October. That made me nervous and less hopeful of being pregnant by Christmas, my cycles have been long and no AF yet. I may not get many chances before then...


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## MrsFruitie

I went for a meal with a friend last night and really struggled. She doesn’t know and I don’t want to tell anyone else what we have been through. She kept asking ‘are you pregnant yet? When are you going to have a baby’ and saying she can’t wait until we do... you don’t realise how insensitive those questions are until you’ve gone through this. I managed to laugh it off and say hopefully soon, but it was sore!


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## LadyStardust4

@lesondemavie So sorry to hear of your down day. I can totally relate to small things tipping you over the edge. Sometimes it feels like we're being super strong and coping well on the outside but people don't see the internal struggle. Including our partners sometimes. They are able to move on a bit quicker because they don't carry the baby or have all the hormone changes. Many of my male parent friends have said they didn't feel like they bonded with their child until they were six months old... we bond from the second we see that second line! Keep your head up, you're a good person and good things will come. 

@HappyWay Sorry I don't think I've spoken to you yet. The inevitable "when are you having a baby" comments are hurtful and insensitive but please do not feel bullied into sharing your sad news with anybody if you don't want to. It's your business and you decide who you confide in. Sending hugs x

@Chickybaby I'm sorry but that comment about your nostrils made me laugh. Sounds like our partners would get on! Men aye! So pleased to hear that you are feeling on top of your emotions at the moment. Yes Christmas is just around the corner but if it doesn't happen by then, just have faith that it will happen soon and when the time is right. I'm on my first proper cycle since the loss. Day 16 and no sign of O yet so seems my cycles will be a bit messed up and longer too! Time will tell...

@MrsFruitie URGH. I actually felt angry for you reading that. and the worst thing is... I used to make similar comments to friends before this happened to me. You're right, you really do not realise how insensitive those questions are until you've been through this. 

Hugs to all! <3


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## lesondemavie

Chicky: Thanks I knew you’d get it. For me, opening myself up to and being vulnerable at times is a part of that strength. I think that in the end I emerge stronger and eventually it’s less likely that something can take me by surprise and send me right back to that dark place. Husbands are so weird sometimes. When mine makes comments like that I just look at him and say that’s not helping right now. I think when it’s too much some just check out? Mine for example was all oh I didn’t get attached I’m fine no big deal and then I talked to him about a plan yesterday (as I expected AF today) and half way through the day I get a message that he’s feeling really anxious and sad...so yea it’s there...it’s just buried deep.

Happy and Fruitie: Yes, people make the worst comments sometimes, and I also made some of those comments before I went through all of this. I try to remember that. They just don’t know any better...they can’t possibly understand, and that’s a wonderful thing for them. Wouldn’t wish this on anyone. It’s not your job to share and educate them...even if you do...they may just get awkward and say more things that sting. You never know. You have to do what feels right for you. I chose not to share and that is still the right thing for me, but I know others who found it very healing.

I really don’t have any advice, but I can say it gets easier. You may come to expect it and have a rehearsed response and that will help. I remember when I had to go to two weddings for DH’s family. It was 7 months after our mmc, just a few weeks after our cp, my first babe’s edd month, and our first time meeting our 2 month old nephew (after my SIL was awful to me during her pregnancy and sent me this long email about how anxious she was about seeing me again...oh let me make you feel more comfortable in the midst of my grief while you blissfully enjoy exactly what I lost ugh, which I ultimately did but still ugh). Anyway, I knew it was going to be tough and I knew questions about when we were going to have kids were going to fly at me from all sides (we married 1 month before his sister and we are older). I decided to look up a bunch of different responses and I chose one that involved humor. When the question landed, I just said, “ummm well I don’t really like sharing my food so idk we’ll see,” and everyone cracked up laughing and then it was easy to switch the conversation to food/baking/cooking or excuse myself to the bathroom. I only ugly cried on the floor of a trailer bathroom once the whole trip (thank god it was a single bathrooom and not a shared one with many stalls!), and that was when I finally worked up the courage to hold my nephew and some clueless server told me how cute MY baby was and asked me how old. Passed that baby right back to my SIL and ran the heck out of there, and I’d do it again. So total success yea?

AFM: AF arrived today just as predicted based on when I thought I O’d. Calling my clinic tomorrow and figuring out where I go from here.


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## MrsFruitie

How are all you strong ladies doing?

I’m nearly two weeks post surgery and still bleeding was hoping it would have stopped by my return to work Monday. It’s just dryish old brown blood when I wipe after a wee mainly, but it is a constant reminder... plus very irritating!!


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## LadyStardust4

MrsFruitie said:


> How are all you strong ladies doing?
> 
> I’m nearly two weeks post surgery and still bleeding was hoping it would have stopped by my return to work Monday. It’s just dryish old brown blood when I wipe after a wee mainly, but it is a constant reminder... plus very irritating!!

Hi Mrs Fruitie

Been a bit up and down lately. But getting there! Ahh the bleeding is so annoying. I had bleeding for about 10 days and then it stopped and started again a few days later. I had medical termination though so not sure if it's different. As you say - it is a constant reminder :( Hope it finishes soon and you can focus on rebuilding x


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## MrsFruitie

Hi LadyStardust! 

Glad to hear you’re getting there. 
I’ve been feeling more like myself in past few days. Finally feel up to working again! (As soon as I’m in the office I’ll wish I wasn’t though) 
Just bought a load of ovulation sticks again to start trying again. Wishing the bleeding away... roll on first period though!!


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## Chickybaby

Hi ladies glad to hear everyone is starting to get back to some form of normal. 

Lesonde, love the 'that's not helpful right now' comment you use with your husband. Great way of letting them no its not the time without getting too personal or angry, might try that one myself. I hope you are feeling OK with the arrival of a new cycle, are you going to try this cycle? Did the genetic results come in yet? (If you don't mind me asking)

MrsFruitie, hope the bleeding has stopped for you now. Blah seems to go on forever! I think I bled for around two weeks after passing everything, may have spotted on and off a bit longer but I already don't remember exactly. It sucks though, definitely a constant reminder! Good luck with your return to work xx

Ladystardust, glad to hear you are getting there despite the ups and downs. Yes the nostril comment is quite finny in hindsight, not so much at the time haha we have had a few laughs about it since. Hope ovulation happens for you soon. 

AFM, not a lot going on, been busy with friends, family and work. We had friends over Saturday night and when I saw she wasn't drinking I felt so anxious that they were pregnant, the relief I felt when she finally cracked a beer was crazy, made me realize I really do want another baby soon... Still waiting on AF, its only been 5 weeks since we found out our babe had passed and s little over 4 since all the tissue passed but only 2.5 since I stopped bleeding so anyone's guess where that would put me. How has it only been that long? 

Sorry if I missed anything. Hope you are all doing OK. Xx


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## lesondemavie

Something went awry and the testing place said the test was never ordered. They still have everything and are doing the test now. Should have the results by late this week or early next week.

That sounds exactly like my reaction when my SIL wasn’t drinking back in July. I already had one SIL pg and the terror of going through another loss (as we were just starting to try them) while they both had happy, healthy pregnancies set in big time. It turns out she was 7 weeks along then, and they told us their last afternoon with us. Ugh, the worst. I hate finding out those things in person AL...processing the emotions in front of this person with such happy news is sooo hard. I almost wish she just kept me guessing and didn’t tell me. Then I could have found out with the rest of the family while I was happily pg and thinking things might just work out this time. Or at least told us before they arrived so I could sort through the emotions before seeing them. Now here I am, those fears a reality, and it absolutely has affected how much contact I want with them both.

I joke with DH that my brother and SIL are bad luck for us. We conceived both of our little babes lost to mmc while they were in town visiting. What are the odds right?

Chicky: My post-mmc cycles always come about 1 week later than usual. I have short cycles so that’s why AF came just 4 weeks later for me. Doctors always warn me that it could be a long while and then are shocked when it comes right when I predicted...but yea the take away is that I’m not the norm. Hopefully just another week or so for you :hugs:

Oh AFM I have a huge cyst on my left ovary. Probably left over from the pregnancy. Explains why I felt O and why I was feeling pain/pressure on that side for a while. E2 is low so it’s not a problem and should resolve on its own. They’ll take a look though with my uterine eval this cycle when they check for scar tissue.


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## Chickybaby

Oh how frustrating about the testing, glad to hear it shouldn't be too long now. Hope the cyst resolves itself quickly. How do they check for scar tissue? Is that an ultrasound?

Yup, pretty awful feeling but I don't care. I want to be pregnant before anyone else haha. It won't matter one day but at the moment i don't want to hear anyone else is blah. It was the same when TTC my son. It felt like it pur pressure on somehow, like we needed to get pregnant quick before anyone else had chance. I guess I have a mean jealous streak in me! 

I have this weird battle going on inside me. Part of me is fine with waiting for a bit, getting my vitamin levels back up, focusing on myself and my family and the new business I just started. The other part of me feels panicky, I have that tight feeling in my chest when I think of the expanding age gap. The likelihood of other pregnancies being announced and babies being born. The fear that this wasn't just bad luck but something's wrong... That last time was a fluke and we might not be that lucky again. This part of me easily spirals down the 'what if' hole. Trying to acknowledge those feats without letting that tight heavy feeling take over. 

Hopefully AF won't be too far away. I'm hoping that it will be here next week if not this week. After that I will be getting frustrated. Looking to start weaning my boy, he only feeds a maximum of 3 times a day but is showing no interest in stopping so will have to ease him in that direction soon. I'm sure BF isn't helping with my cycle length etc.


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## lesondemavie

I think they call it a saline sonohysterogram or SSH. Simple procedure done at the clinic and won’t take much longer than an ultrasound. I do need to take an antibiotic for 3 days and it can cause cramping, but I did the hsg back in 2016 and that was easy for me so expecting the same with this procedure.


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## lesondemavie

Ssh cancelled. Hcg still 4 and they need it under 2. Apparently that means I can’t try this cycle either since I still have tissue producing Hcg. Lots of tears today. It just brought everything back and I want to either power through or be done. I don’t want to wait another month. I don’t know. I wasn’t even really sure I wanted to try for a second before, and now I really feel like I just want to stop. Going to take a break and see how I feel. Best of luck to you all.


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## LadyStardust4

lesondemavie said:


> Ssh cancelled. Hcg still 4 and they need it under 2. Apparently that means I can’t try this cycle either since I still have tissue producing Hcg. Lots of tears today. It just brought everything back and I want to either power through or be done. I don’t want to wait another month. I don’t know. I wasn’t even really sure I wanted to try for a second before, and now I really feel like I just want to stop. Going to take a break and see how I feel. Best of luck to you all.

Poor you sending hugs your way. I felt exactly the same before my cycles returned. You feel like it’s so drawn out and you can’t move on right away.

Hope everyone is doing ok!

I’ve got friends coming over to drop off their 4 y/o son later so they can go to an appointment. They haven’t once said what type of appointment it is and they want to ‘catch up’ when they get here. Just convinced they’re pregnant again and if they are I wish they’d just tell us by text so I don’t have to hide my genuine reaction 

X


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## Chickybaby

Argh lesonde I'm so frustrated for you what a shit show this all is! I thought some women had a natural hcg of 4? Could be wrong, my doctor wanted to see under 5 and mine was also a 4. Who knows? I'm sorry but I'm struggling to find words of comfort because I no there aren't any. This isn't fair. I'm angry for you. The appointments and stalling must make it all feel so fresh. I think I've put it all in a box and put that in the dark back part of my brain. I'm tired of it all, I don't want to be 'the one who lost a baby' anymore. I'm not sure how I will feel when my cycle returns, that box will probably open and the grief and fear will come out, for now that box is staying closed. Sorry I got rambly... I hope you find some form of peace in whatever decision you make and enjoy a beautiful holiday season with your little girl if you don't come back before then. Xx


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## Chickybaby

AFM, hi ladies, still no AF, don't even think I've ovulated yet... CM I'd up and down, lots of pinching and cramping... Starting to frustrate me sometimes but out of my control so accepting the break that is being enforced by my body. Busy with life anyway. Looking after my in laws place this week in the city (we live out in the country) so looking forward to being able to do lots of walking and going to the park and things with my boy. Beautiful week on the forecast here. 

I've put on soooo much weight this past few months from reducing BF, being pregnant and then grieving. I'm ready to get in shape again and start looking after myself, if not to sustain a healthy pregnancy then to just feel better in myself. 

Ladystardust I so understand that suspicion! I've been like that with everyone, convinced everyone is pregnant. I hope that if that is the case you are OK. 

Has been quiet on here hope that means you are all finding peace and getting on with living life xxx


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## MrsFruitie

Has anyone had their first AF post miscarriage? And if so how many weeks after miscarriage? It’s 3 weeks tomorrow since my hospital trip. It’ll be a sad day for me as I have to do the pregnancy test to confirm negative and all over... just want my period now (something I never thought I’d say!!!)


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## Chickybaby

Still waiting here, over 5 weeks now.


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## lesondemavie

My first AF came the evening of CD29 (counting the day of my D&C as CD1) BUT my cycles unmedicated are typically 21 days, so I am definitely not the norm.

I’m feeling a bit better after a good weekend with my family. We gardened and it rained for the first time in a long time. That’s just it though. I’m happy. Life is happy. TTC or rather waiting to for yet another month is not. I suppose we don’t have to decide now, but I need to live what remains of this cycle as though we’re done and just put this behind me.

An old grad school friend announced her April baby on Facebook today. I managed to not throw my phone across the room (which is what I did after my first mmc).


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## Chickybaby

Glad you are doing a bit better lesonde, good going not totally losing your shit. Haven't seen any announcements yet myself, hoping there won't be any. A few people I no are having babies in Jan or Feb. I found out about those when I was pregnant so I'm dealing with that fine. We have other friends that have been renovating and weren't making any decisions on when to try for a baby until they moved in, they're moving this weekend. I'm shit scared they're going to start trying and I'm going to feel like its a competition to see who gets pregnant the fastest. In theory having close friends to be pregnant with and have babies with sounds great, but that ugly part of me wants it to be me first


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## HappyWay

MrsFruitie,

I got my first AF 5 weeks after miscarriage. My usual cycle is 4 weeks.


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## LadyStardust4

Before the loss I had a regular 28 day cycle. I had my first period about 5 weeks after the termination. It lasted 7 days and usually it's over in 4 days. Today is cycle day 28 after that initial period and no sign of period yet. My whole cycle has been a bit weird - I had the EWCM twice during the cycle so no idea when I ovulated. 

Lesondemavie - So pleased to hear you're coping so well. I can imagine gardening is very therapeutic. Chickybaby - totally understand the pregnancy announcement dreads. It's a permanent fixture of my ongoing anxiety at the moment! haha.


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## Weebles

I'm still struggling to cope with my mmc but I feel desperate to be pregnant again in a way I can't explain. I miss my baby, I'm grieving and there is a hole in my heart, but still I want to try again. My OB said to wait until I had my next cycle before ttc but I can't find any reason to wait besides dating. I'm still bleeding anyway and it's like a kick in the gut. I just want it to stop. I hope you ladies don't mind if I join you. I just feel so alone and even though I wish no one else in the world could understand...I don't feel the same as I used to. I don't feel excited to be ttc. I hate being here but I need to be here.


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## 2Baby2

Looking for a group to join, Im currently experiencing my first miscarriage at 5w4d (I think) early I know but I let my self get excited after multiple positives and the Dr confirming my pregnancy 

Hope these details are too much.

I went to the ER on Sunday after waking up to bleeding and the ER dr confirmed my cervix was open and my count was 22. I’m scheduled go to my OB on Thursday for a follow up.

Right now I’m just frustrated and low. My work is not being understanding about time off and my moods are Alllll overrrrr the place!

I know it’s early but I have mixed feelings about TTC again, I have a lot of time to make the decision but right now I’m thinking no early results test. Also I get angry/down when I take my prenatals (in case we try again right away) it’s just a reminder of what we lost.

There’s my collection of random thoughts, just looking for a group of ladies who understand


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## lesondemavie

Oh weebles I’m so sad to see you here :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

The science on waiting or not is mixed. Some studies show an increased rate of miscarriage right after a miscarriage...but they don’t really know why and other numbers say otherwise. My specialist says medical consensus is to wait. She wants my hcg under 2 because anything higher could mean I still have dead tissue left producing hcg. I told her I really wanted to try this cycle, and she basically said that if I do and we conceive and we miscarry again then we’ll know why (and this is the cycle after my mmc cycle). As much as I want to buck her recommendation to wait, I just couldn’t live with that if we conceived and miscarried again, and we’ll with my history odds are I will no matter the reason.

I don’t remember ever feeling excited about ttc. It was fear and then grief and then numbness followed by cautious optimism and last total peace when I finally held my daughter. I suppose none of this is much of a pep talk, but I mean to say this sort of dark, sad journey is temporary...longer than we’d hope but definitely not forever. Being carefree and excited isn’t everything...at least I hope not, I tell myself that I get to love deeper bc of this. In the end, it really does make the happy bits shine brighter.

AFM: Today was 14 days since they sorted out my genetic testing...and still no call. Guess I’ll have to reach out tomorrow. So frustrating.


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## Chickybaby

Weebles, the desperate need to be pregnant again is so normal, we put pressure on ourselves to try and right that wrong in some ways I think, if you get what I mean? While you are still bleeding and going through the waves of hormones and intense grief it I'd hard to feel any joy or move forward in any way. I have chosen to wait one cycle before trying again on the advice of my doctor, she said its mainly to allow iron etc to build back up and no that your body I'd back to dome form of normal, the doctor I saw at the hospital said its only for dating. Its coming up 6 weeks since I passed all the tissue and no AF yet, think my body is pretty screwed up from it all. 

2Baby2, sorry for your loss, you still loved your baby the moment you knew they existed, it doesn't matter how early it was, it hurts. I can understand the anger with your prenatals. I feel the same some days. I no to take them for next time but it sucks taking something for a baby that isn't there anymore. I hope you find some comfort here. Reading back over some posts in this thread may be helpful and make you feel less alone.

Lesonde, hope you can get those results back soon. Extremely annoying having to chase them up after everything. 

AFM. Ordered ovulation tests. Once they arrive I will start doing them daily, that way I will no within 2 weeks if I've ovulated, I will either get AF, a positive test or not.


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## 2Baby2

Today is my first day back to work, I took the day after off. 

I’m not happy where I work, my manager and his assistant and not very understanding of anything family or mental health related so I’m not looking forward to today. I’m sure I’ll hear phrases like “did you really need to use a sick day yesterday?” And “Why do you have to go to the dr, can’t you just reschedule it?” 
(Keep in mind I work at a very slow bank, and there are 2 other bankers who can easily man the branch for 1 day and a long lunch so I can go to the dr, I’m not a teacher or doctor where me being present makes a difference) 

Don’t need anymore negativity in my life. 

Mean people suck!


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## HappyWay

2Baby2, Weebles, 
I can only give you :hug:, i felt as alone and that no one in the world can ever understand me after the loss, but i promise, it will get better. Cry if you want to cry, talk to your spouse if you want to, or Don't if you don't feel like it, watch TV if you want to, or just sit idle if you feel like it, try and find strength in anything YOU want to do right now. Lots of love and hugs from us.


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## Weebles

I'm sad to see you here too lesonde. And so many others from the dewdrops thread. I was excited when we first started ttc my DD but that waned as we struggled with conceiving. And I was excited to start ttc a sibling and even more so when it happened so easily. Or so I thought. I don't think I can ever feel that excitement again but I think you are right, it's not everything. I guess we just trudge forward until we get where we want to be. I hope you get some answers soon though, or at the very least the results of your tests. About the hcg though, I was under the impression anything under 5 is good as there can be some present in our bodies even without pregnancy. But then again, I'm not a doctor. 

Chicky, I am worried about how long my body will take to return to its normal cycles. Like you I am still nursing (and trying to gently encourage weening) and also have worries/anxiety over the ever increasing age gap. From my signature you can see my first two are very far apart in age and while they are wonderful together I want my DD and a third LO to be able to grow up together and be playmates/friends. I was so excited to be having two under two, even if it was only to be for a couple months as I felt it was the ideal age gap. My lifelong dream come true. That window has passed, the door closed. I think we are going to ttc if I believe I am ovulating even without another cycle. I will just try to trust that my body won't release an egg until it is ready and I hope I will not have to wait too long. If we don't catch it I will take the clomid I happen to have on hand my next cycle. (We conceived the baby I lost on our 5 month of NTNP but really it was trying as all our intercourse was timed, it just felt like NTNP without all the fertility testing and fertility meds. I wasn't going to count us as really trying until I took that clomid)

2baby2 I thought I was 12 weeks when I found out about my mmc but really I was 11. But I have loved all my babies right from the start, no matter how small. And that love was there at 5 weeks just the same. My father has taken my mc the hardest of all besides my husband and I. He is a man who has lost two out of three children, one as a child before I was born and the other my younger brother several years ago. And my dad said while crying on the phone with me that now I know the pain of loosing a child. He recognized the depth of my grief. I hope your first day back at work is smooth and uneventful. It frustrates me that mc isn't recognized for what it is, both physically and emotionally, in the workplace... and pretty much everywhere else too. 

Thanks happyway. I really have been trying to take care of my self which is hard under the circumstances. My husband has been calling from work and reminding me to eat. Getting enough sleep has been the most difficult but also the most helpful. Sleep is when a lot of healing takes place, physically and mentally. I got a good night's rest last night and I do feel better, like I can organize my feelings and start to process them.


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## MrsFruitie

Sorry for your losses to the new ladies that have joined the group. We are all hear for you for anything you want to talk about or need. Big huge hugs. 

Another lady from Dewdrops. It’s so sad to see so many ladies move from that group to this one. 

Much love to everyone ❤️


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## Chickybaby

Pink spotting here, some red. Possible CD1 but to light to call it just yet. Will go for a walk after nap time to see if it progresses.


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## 2Baby2

Shocking the bleeding has slowed considerably today....hoping that’s a good sign, I have a dr appointment tomorrow so we’ll see what my levels are and when we can ttc again. 

Honestly, I feel better being able to come here and share my thoughts and feeling and struggles. My DH is great and super supportive but you ladies understand it first hand. 

Thank you all for your love support!! <3<3


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## Chickybaby

Definitely AF, wasn't expecting her but feeling pretty good emotionally. Physically she's being a real bitch. Painful cramps. I've always had pretty bad cramping but my one pp period after my son I didn't feel any. Choosing to take this as a good sign that everything is being cleaned out to start fresh. Should have opks soon but will probably try for sex every other day. Will see how we go. 

2baby2, glad you are finding being here helpful. The men in our lives try but they don't really get it. They can shut it out immediately, not saying they're not hurting too but we have to go through all the physical pain, blood tests, ultrasounds and hormones changes as well as the emotional side. Glad the bleeding has slowed, I only started to move on on any way once it had stopped. Hope your appointment goes well.


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## 2Baby2

Chicky, hopefully the cramps are too bad, excited that you can ttc soon! 

My OB told me to wait to ideally 2 cycles but she’d be okay with just waiting for 1 cycle. 

On the fence about ovulation test strips, we got lucky with our first after ttc for 2 months and I had been on birth control for 12 years. I’m worried that testing all the time will put extra stress on everything and make it more clinical. Last time we just BD everyone other day sometimes every third day. 

I’m trying to look at this month as a time to focus on my family and enjoy spending time with hubby doing things we can’t do once I’m preggo (hopefully quickly lol) like hot tubbing and sushi lol


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## Chickybaby

2baby2, I've done the same this past month. What was her reason for waiting 2 cycles? Opks aren't for everyone and can cause more stress for sure. I used them with my son because my cycles were so screwy after being on the pill. First cycle I used them was the first time we hit our timing right and we got pregnant (had been 6 months of long cycles and bad timing before). This time I didn't bother, I have had ovulation spotting the couple of cycles I've had since his birth so we just timed it around that and got pregnant first try. I only really ordered them because I hadn't gotten AF yet and wanted some insight to what was going on. Of course she arrives the day after. I will use them though, its been such a long time since I have had regular periods so they might help me work out what is my 'normal'


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## 2Baby2

Chickybaby said:


> 2baby2, I've done the same this past month. What was her reason for waiting 2 cycles? Opks aren't for everyone and can cause more stress for sure. I used them with my son because my cycles were so screwy after being on the pill. First cycle I used them was the first time we hit our timing right and we got pregnant (had been 6 months of long cycles and bad timing before). This time I didn't bother, I have had ovulation spotting the couple of cycles I've had since his birth so we just timed it around that and got pregnant first try. I only really ordered them because I hadn't gotten AF yet and wanted some insight to what was going on. Of course she arrives the day after. I will use them though, its been such a long time since I have had regular periods so they might help me work out what is my 'normal'


She said it would help rebuild my lining which seemed weird bc I’ve always thought that you lost all ur lining every time AF came around....she’s okay with one so I’m waiting one lol. She doesn’t think I’ll have any problems conceiving again, hopefully she’s right!!


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## Weebles

Tomorrow is my first day back at work. I'm dreading it. I also thought I had stopped bleeding but I was wrong. It's been 9 days now.. Ugh.


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## lesondemavie

Glad you can move on now Chicky.


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## 2Baby2

Weebles- I was NOT looking forward to work at all, the only good thing was that it did help the day move by and occasionally keep my mind occupied. I wasn’t incredibly motivated but I told myself I’m at least going to make it to lunch and then reassess if I want to stay. Once I made it to lunch, I figured hell im already here I made it this far. 

One day, one step at a time. 

Let us know how it goes


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## Chickybaby

Weebles good luck with your first day back xx the bleeding is the worst! Its just like pp bleeding, every time you think its slowing down it picks back up again. It will slow down day by day though and will stop. I bled/spotted for two weeks after passing the baby.


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## HappyWay

Weebles, 
Good luck with your first day. You can do it :hugs:


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## LadyStardust4

Hi everyone

Sorry to see you here 2baby2 and Weebles but hope you are able to take some comfort in this group. You are not in this alone. Weebles - I hope your first day back at work is ok. You might find it is a welcome distraction! 

Chickybaby - I recommend a hot water bottle and a nice long soak in the bath to relieve your cramps. But on the bright side - at least things are starting to regulate and you'll be able to track ovulation soon.

I've had a stressful few days. Anxiety was high on Saturday and then my car broke down and my partner had to go away for a couple of nights and I was finding it really difficult being alone and felt like everything was really getting on top of me. I'm not usually that needy - honestly! 

My cycle is messed up too. I have always been a 28 day cycle kind of girl until this happened. My termination bleeding starting on 16th August, then started my first period 33 days later on 18th September. (I was fully expecting to wait a while for my first period).

I am now on day 31 of my next cycle and still no sign. I'm not pregnant - have tested a few times (obsessed) so I literally am just waiting for my body to decide when I can move on to the next cycle. Frustrating!

At least it's nearly Friday! What is everybody doing with their weekend? I am finishing work tomorrow then driving (2.5 hour journey) to my sister's to spend time with her and my baby nephew. Then I have an afternoon tea with my school friends for my best friend's 30th Birthday on Saturday. It's nice to have little things to look forward to and feel like a normal human being haha! :)


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## caleblake

Hi ladies 

I’ve just been reading through the thread and it breaks my heart to learn of everyone’s losses. 
I’m looking to start ttc again in November so wanted a safe place for support as I’m beyond petrified about pregnancy. Fortunately we have never had any issues actually getting pregnant and we have 2 little boys who are 7 & 8, but in the past I have suffered an early miscarriage and ectopic then this year I lost a little boy at 16 weeks pregnant in March. There was no cause found for why it happened as he was a perfectly healthy baby. We went on again and fell pregnant in June. I can honestly say it was horrible as I cried through every scan in absolute fear. Then at 9 weeks we were told the heart had stopped beating again. We found out the baby was a little girl and she had Down’s syndrome which is most likely why her heart stopped. We are now in the position we are ready to try again. there has been no links between our losses, just been really unlucky but I’m Petrified that I will loose another one. 
Good luck to you all and looking forward to chatting with you over the next few weeks and months.


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## lesondemavie

LStar - Did you track when ovulation happened? I know mine was a bit later than usual for the first few cycles after my first mmc, which meant my cycles were a bit longer.

I’m thankful it looks like I just ovulated again, so another 10ish days before the next one. Not sure what I want to do yet, but it feels like I can maybe decide and move forward either way with the start of the next cycle.

I called the clinic for my genetic results and they still don’t have them. So frustrating! They’re calling the surgery center and will follow up with me later today. This clinic was so amazing the first time I used them and I still love the RE but the communication this time around is really just awful *sigh*

This weekend we’re seeing my parents for my mom’s bday and going to Octoberfest with a good friend and her family.


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## MrsFruitie

I think I MIGHT have a really early AF after the loss at only 3.5 weeks... 

Had a few brown blood bleeds slightly more than spotting in past 2 days, but it’s turning redder and more frequent. 

I’m not emotional at all when I thought I would be a mess. Thinking it’s a positive and a relief for being back on track and trying again. 

We have a holiday coming up in 2 weeks, so if my body is back on track then it’d be nice to start trying again then. 

Also hello to new ladies and I’m am so very sorry for your losses.

This group are an incredible bunch of strong women, so we will all support you with anything. We will all listen and share our experience. 

We will get through this and all have our rainbow babies ❤️


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## 2Baby2

Got my blood results back today 
Hcg was a 4.5, I started to miscarry on Sunday 10/14 and my levels were 22 

I’m kinda wondering if it was a chemical and I just ovulated SUPPPPEEERRRR late or what with such low numbers. Either way after I saw those lines I was in love. 

This weekend should be interesting, we are going to a wedding for one of my best friends. My close group of girls all know we were/are TTC so I’m trying to prepare myself for the “when is number 2 coming along?” “You guys make a baby yet?” 

Logically I know they are just joking bc no one new we were pregnant so they aren’t being total jerks but emotionally I’m sure it’s still gonna hurt.


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## Chickybaby

Hi girls.

ladystardust, thanks for the tips, just one day of cramps thankfully! Yes looking forward to getting back to some form of normal, whatever that is. Sorry you have had a tough couple of days, glad you are looking forward to some time with your sister and friends. Hope your new cycles starts soon for you xx

Hello caleblake, so sorry to hear of your losses, you are so strong and have been through far more than anyone should ever have to. This is a scary and often lonely road to travel but this little community we are growing here has been so helpful to me, hearing of others fears and thoughts and sharing my own has been extremely healing. I am about to get back on the TTC bandwagon in the next week and I am excited but nervous too, that bfp will be different this time, I think most of us have fear about loss when we learn we are pregnant, but after loss it seams like a reality not just a fear. At least thats how I can imagine it will feel. 

Lesonde, so frustrating for you that you still haven't heard! As is this isn't all hard enough as it is. I hope you find out ASAP and the results and end of this cycle she's some light on what is the right path for you and your family at the moment. Sounds like a great weekend. Enjoy! Xx

MrsFruitie, great that your body seems to be getting back into gear so quickly. Yes I felt the same, I thought I would grieve all over again but have felt a sense of peace I .being able to move on one way or another. Still a bit angry about having to go through trying again and scared of what is to come but also a little excited about starting fresh. I feel stronger after going through this loss. It was awful, I'm terrified of it happening again and I still miss/want my baby. But I'm surviving, we are all surviving and I think that makes us all pretty damn strong. Holiday sounds like a perfect time to start trying again and get in some fun sex that isn't too scheduled around ovulation haha.

2baby2, I hope the wedding goes well' we have all dealt with nerves around impending questions on when the next or our first babies will be coming along. Each of us have felt with we things a little differently. For me it depended on who asked. I've had several people ask about number two, I have either we will see, hopefully or just told them straight up about what happened. Depends who asked. These comments are a bit of a stab in the heart for sure but you are right, people don't mean any harm. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt though. I hope you have either avoided these questions or were able to deal with them and have a good time regardless. 

Weebles, I hope your first day back went OK. How are you feeling now?

AFM, have just been working and living, AF still continuing on, most likely a day or two more. Amazing weather here, feels like summer has arrived! Will be planting my summer vege garden this weekend so looking forward to that. Sorry for those I missed.

Hope you are all well and enjoy your weekend xx


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## Weebles

Thanks everyone. Work was rough but ultimately good for me. It's obvious that everyone knows which is kind of sad since we never publicly announced but it's also nice since most people are being sensitive about it. My lab coat feels big on me now and I buttoned it all the way down without even realizing it. I didn't have a big bump but I miss it and it's absence is especially noticeable.

It sounds like there are some fun things going on this weekend. I hope everyone enjoys their plans. We're taking my daughter to a day time trick or treat at the zoo. It's hard not to be sad as I had been trying to come up with cute Halloween themed ways to announce. But. I'm trying.

I hope all you ladies are doing well.


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## Shorty88

Hi ladies 

Mind if I join?

I had a missed miscarriage in Aug I was 10 weeks but baby stoped growing at 7 weeks seen the baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks.

We started trying last month but didn't get pregnant.. I'm currently cd14 today so hoping we catch it this month.

This will be our 3rd and last baby. 

I want a baby so much but the fear of another miscarriage is terrifying 

I hope we all get our rainbow baby soon xx


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## Shorty88

caleblake said:


> Hi ladies
> 
> I’ve just been reading through the thread and it breaks my heart to learn of everyone’s losses.
> I’m looking to start ttc again in November so wanted a safe place for support as I’m beyond petrified about pregnancy. Fortunately we have never had any issues actually getting pregnant and we have 2 little boys who are 7 & 8, but in the past I have suffered an early miscarriage and ectopic then this year I lost a little boy at 16 weeks pregnant in March. There was no cause found for why it happened as he was a perfectly healthy baby. We went on again and fell pregnant in June. I can honestly say it was horrible as I cried through every scan in absolute fear. Then at 9 weeks we were told the heart had stopped beating again. We found out the baby was a little girl and she had Down’s syndrome which is most likely why her heart stopped. We are now in the position we are ready to try again. there has been no links between our losses, just been really unlucky but I’m Petrified that I will loose another one.
> Good luck to you all and looking forward to chatting with you over the next few weeks and months.

Hi caleblake I hope you are keeping well, I found out I miscarried shortly after you x I'm so sorry for your loss

Hope we have our rainbow babies in our arms next year x


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## caleblake

Shorty88 said:


> Hi caleblake I hope you are keeping well, I found out I miscarried shortly after you x I'm so sorry for your loss
> 
> Hope we have our rainbow babies in our arms next year x

Hi my lovely. 

I’m so sorry to hear of your miscarriage too, it’s such a thought to go through ttc again. Praying that you catch that egg. We are not actually trying till next cycle. I have anything from 9-11 days till AF is due going by my usual cycles and I feel like it’s going to drag. Also if we don’t hit next month I’m not going to try in December. 
We go away to America at the end of March and I can’t imagine being away at the 16 week mark. I think I would just spend it worrying. If I catch in November I will be past the half way mark by that point so feeling a bit more confident about travelling so really hoping we catch as don’t want to wait lol 
Looking forward to seeing what this month brings for you x


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## MrsFruitie

So it wasn’t AF I was having unfortunately! Still post op old blood 4 weeks on... I have a retroverted bulky uterus, so maybe that is causing it to last a long time! I have discovered I am ovulating today though, so I know to expect AF in about 2 weeks! At least that’s something and a step forward


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## lesondemavie

Yea I thought that might be it MrsF but small comforts now yea? It definitely helps to know when to expect AF.

Results are in. Baby had Turner’s Syndrome.


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## 2Baby2

I kinda feel like my life is on hold until AF arrives 

OB wants me to one cycle before we ttc again and I feel like the days are crawling by and it’s all that occupies my mind right now


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## Weebles

I had an ultrasound on 10/13 to check and see if everything had passed and it looked clear but I was told to take a pregnancy test today to see if it was negative. And it wasn't. :( It was so hard seeing those two lines still from my angel baby.

On top of that we started ttc again yesterday as I've finally stopped bleeding and I have EWCM. I kind of wish now that we'd waited at least until I tested negative because I'm scared my dr will say I need a d&c or something because of the positive test. Of course I can't do that since we dtd. 

And my head is all messed up. I want my baby back and that makes me feel guilty about ttc. And I don't feel attractive anymore either. It's all so confusing with how desperate I feel to be pregnant.


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## 2Baby2

Webber- girl! I feel the same way!!! My husband put his hand on my stomach yesterday, not intentionally just kind of landed there, and I started crying thinking I wish my baby was still growing in my belly and that we all 3 of us were enjoying that moment.


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## Chickybaby

Weebles, sorry for the positive test, my hcg dropped really quickly initially (10000 drop in two days) but then leveled out and was still at a 4 over a month later. Its another cruel part of this whole tying it takes so freaking long for everything to settle down. How dark was the line and what kind of test was it? Do you need to follow up with your doc now? I am also so sorry about how you are feeling, your feelings are all so natural and we have all been there. Try to not feel guilty for trying, you can only make the best decision for yourself in that moment. I can also relate to feeling unattractive I've put on so Mich weight, I feel like I can't trust my body anymore, my husband and I haven't even had sex still since, need to start again soon to TTC but the thought makes me kind of freeze up. I have been doing well and handling everything but am holding onto a lot of anger I think. I'm angry about having to try again, I'm angry that we should be finding out the gender soon and planning for our baby not going through the tedious act of timed sex and trying again. 

Lesonde, glad you finally have your results back so you can process them and organise your thoughts somehow to work out a step forward. I hope you are feeling as OK as possible about everything.

MrsFruitie glad you at least no that your cycle will be coming soon and everything is getting back to working order. 

Hello shorty88, sorry for your loss. Hope your journey here is a short one. 

AFM' bit much going on. Still the slightest bit of brown spotting, will get to taking opks and having sex every second day today or tomorrow. Dreading it. I'm not even sure how I feel about it all, I have this jealousy when I see women at the park with their kids and a big round belly but a part of me is so fine with it not happening right now. I don't no I'd I'm feeling pressure to have a baby which is making me want to be pregnant right now or if it's the pressure to be fine that's making me question if it's even the right time. Truthfully I'm just scared of it all. I'm scared of not getting pregnant, I'm scared of another loss, I'm scared of some kind of issue coming up, I'm just scared and angry about it all. 

Coping fine on a day to day basis and loving my life, maybe that adds to the scariness, ttc could rock my perfect world again. One day at a time xx


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## caleblake

2Baby2 said:


> I kinda feel like my life is on hold until AF arrives
> 
> OB wants me to one cycle before we ttc again and I feel like the days are crawling by and it’s all that occupies my mind right now

This is me right now. We have decided to wait until November to start ttc. AF is exactly 1 week away (due the 1st nov) and it might as well be another year it’s going so slow. It is giving me time to get my body a bit more in shape and healthier for ttc by taking loads of vitamins etc though. Also if we don’t fall in November we are skipping December and waiting till jan to try again


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## caleblake

2Baby2 said:


> I kinda feel like my life is on hold until AF arrives
> 
> OB wants me to one cycle before we ttc again and I feel like the days are crawling by and it’s all that occupies my mind right now

This is me right now. We have decided to wait until November to start ttc. AF is exactly 1 week away (due the 1st nov) and it might as well be another year it’s going so slow. It is giving me time to get my body a bit more in shape and healthier for ttc by taking loads of vitamins etc though. Also if we don’t fall in November we are skipping December and waiting till jan to try again


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## Weebles

I've been trying to comment but sometimes the page just keeps reloading over and over again and I give up. 

Lesonde- I missed that you had finally gotten the results, what a long wait. I know it don't change anything or lessen your sadness but hopefully having an answer gives you some peace. That's not even the right thing to say, I just can't find the right words. Answers don't change anything but I hope having them is less painful than wondering. 

Chicky- scared pretty much sums up how I feel too. Scared to not get pregnant and scared to get pregnant. Maybe a side of anger. I do not like ttc again. We've been doing every other day and I cry after at the injustice of it. I'm not supposed to be having to try 

Caleblake- November sounded so far away but it's really just around the corner. I felt like time had frozen but really it was just me and we're almost through October. It will be here before you know it. 

I never did call the office to tell them I still have hcg in my system. I was kind of expecting them to call and ask but I guess they've forgotten about me. I'm kind of glad and I'm honestly not worried about it as much as I was. I'll be in the tww here in a day or so if I'm not already and that lingering hcg might end up being a bit of a mind fuck, especially if af doesn't show up so I'm just preparing myself for that.


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## lesondemavie

Thanks weebles :hugs: that’s so normal...the crying. I had to go through so much of that to get CJ.

Yea it’s not really peace but it helps to know that my thyroid being out of range didn’t matter. Now I can just focus on egg quality. With all of the great bloodwork and ultrasounds up until the day before baby’s hb stopped, I feel like my body fought hard to keep a baby who’s fate was decided from the start.

I’ve been feeling really guilty about not reaching back out to my SIL. I just still hate her, and it’s not entirely her fault. Every time I think about talking to her, I think about saying mean things like thank god I won’t have two in diapers at once, or god I can’t believe you’re going to have two under two you pass the one you have off to my brother most of the time as is etc. I don’t really mean it. I wanted our baby. I wanted that dream. I’m just jealous and mean :haha: and also she can be really ignorant/insensitive while thinking she’s being the kindest, smartest person ever. It’s annoying. I love her, but I hate her. Thanks for letting me be mean and ugly here. Not sure how to deal with the guilt, but right now I really don’t want to talk to her until at least after my new niece is here.


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## lesondemavie

Oh and I’m still leaning hard towards tabling ttc for now. Re-evaluating in January. New cycle should start in the next few days. Will have to decide then if I’m calling the clinic.


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## Chickybaby

Weebled, so glad I have you ladies to tell these things to, nice to see others have felt similarly. We finally had sex last night and I cried after. I haven't cried in weeks but I felt so sad for my baby i missed them so much and felt guilty for trying to have another and move on, after that I felt fear of the unknown. Exactly as you said. Scared to not get pregnant and scared to get pregnant all at the same time. I feel better today. 

Lesonde, grateful to read your post about your thoughts towards your SIL, mine had her baby the day after we found out ours was gone. Her kids are 14 months apart I feel so much joy when I hear she's struggling, such an evil bitch I no haha. I would love to say all those things too and gave thought them many times and probably said some of them too... I have felt guilt in relation to these thoughts and the way I have treated people in the past due to my jealousy over what they have. Its not my best quality and I'm trying to snap out of it a bit and use other places like here to get the ugly out. We're all human and hurting.


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## Sallyanne81

Hi, 
First of all sorry to hear everyone's stories of loss. We are unfortunately in the same boat trying to pick ourselves back up again both emotionally and physically.

I'm on my second M/C in a row in the space of 10 months. The 1st was at 10 wks, the 2nd at 5 wks 3 days. I have started TTC again straight away, this is the 1st cycle post M/C. My doctor was fine with us trying again straight away. It's difficult emotionally having to start all over again, but I'm 37 and TTC baby #1 so I don't have a lot of time unfortunately.

I'm also struggling a lot with the fact that my SIL is pregnant and is a few weeks ahead of where I would have been. I don't know if I would say it was jealousy or just the constant reminder of what I have lost, I also have the feeling of 'it's not fair' whenever I see someone pregnant (they are everywhere) so I have stopped going on Facebook for the moment. I know we don't know their stories or their difficulties all you see is the happy result, the announcements, the 12 week scan picture, I can't stop thinking, why have they got their rainbow and not me. 

With facebook I can turn it off, unfortunately I can't get rid of my SIL. My husband is very close to his brother (can't understand why), but I can't stand him or my SIL they have caused so many problems, BIL made sexually inappropriate remarks to me when we 1st met, tried to aggressively convert me to become evangelical (telling me what I could and couldn't do in my own house, like I can't have Christmas decorations, but it's OK to make sexual remarks me!), his moody wife shouted abuse at me and my husband in the street, and to top it off they tried to split me and my husband up in the weeks before we got married, so I'm finding it very difficult to even tolerate them never mind be happy for them in anyway, never mind the M/C! Oh yeah and BIL sent all their scan pics over whilst I was miscarrying. OK rant over!!

So, we're starting again, I've had internal investigations and all normal, no physical reason for miscarrying, also as I'm in Italy you can pay privately for the blood tests so I have been tested for the blood clotting disorders (all came back negative) and I am waiting for the results of the genetic screening for me and my husband. These were the only tests the gynecologist recommended at the moment. She's convinced it's just bad luck and to keep trying. I'm also taking baby aspirin and inofolic plus this time around.

Just got to wait for AF..................

I want to wish everyone who has unfortunately found themselves here lots of luck for their BFPs!


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## LadyStardust4

Hi Sallyanne and welcome. You sound like you’ve had a hell of a time of it. I hope we can offer you some much needed support when you need it. 

I’ve been a bit quiet on here lately. I have got myself really down in the dumps and don’t know how to pick myself back up again. Feel like I’m losing control of everything at the moment... keep crying at random inconvenient times. Woke up last Monday with severe chest pains - felt like somebody was gripping my heart and I thought I was having a heart attack! It was anxiety though. Never suffered with it before all this happened. 

Today I am cycle day 11 and I had egg white CM so I did a quick clearblue digital ovulation test and got the big smiley face. Seems a bit early in the cycle but I thought ‘hey let’s go with it’. Started having sex and OH couldn’t finish. Has never had this problem before but he said he feels under pressure because he knows we’re trying again. I acted all understanding and like it was ok but really all I’m thinking is that we’ve blown it for this month and I’ve got to wait ages to try again. Selfish I know but like was said above - I feel angry that I should have to try again at all! This is just rubbing salt into the wound.

Sorry for venting xx


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## Chickybaby

Sallyanne81 I hope you find some comfort here in having a place to share some of your thoughts and emotions. Sometimes i find it helps to simply get some of those ugly thoughts and dears out' some kind of release in a way. You have been through more than anyone should have to endure in a lifetime in such a short space of time and having your SIL there as a constant reminder must be tough. Your BIL sounds like a real tool. It sounds like you have had a lot of ground covered in regards to testing, I hope it is just a mater of time for you to have a baby of your own to hold XXX

Ladystardust' I am so sorry to hear you have been having a tough time as of late. I think this is such a process, it comes in waves and everyone is affected by their loss in such different ways. The anxiety is really hard, I have dealt with severe anxiety at several different points in my life and you are right that panicky moment feels like a heart attack, it is overwhelming his severely your emotional state can effect your physical state in that time. Is there anything that makes you feel any better? Have you opened up to any one at all? Its so hard to turn your brain off and live in the moment and not spiral down that dark hole sometimes. I know there isn't a lot I can say to make you feel better but I hope that at least having this as a safe place to share your thoughts helps in some way.

As for your feeling in regards to your husband not being able to finish, totally been there! When we were trying for our first baby I remember my husband not being able to preform after a big roast dinner, I was so pissed of and felt exactly the same that it meant a whole month down the drain. Also no need to apologize for venting, that's what we are all here for xx

AFM, cd13ish? Opk still negative, just doing every other day. Doing a thrush treatment at the moment though so feel that may hurt our chances. Not sure when to expect ovulation, lots of twingey pains, the cycle we conceived my son I didn't ovulate till cd21 and my MC was even later so still time. Have a pretty busy few weeks planned, will be getting frustrated in a week or so though of my opk remains negative. Xx


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## lesondemavie

Sally - I was in a very similar spot this time 2016. It’s so incredibly hard. I mostly went numb and just put one foot in front of the other. Have you also had your thyroid, Prolactin, and hormone levels checked? That ended up being my problem or at the very least treatment has helped me conceive more quickly so far. What an awful in-law situation:hugs:. I’m 36 now myself. I don’t know that I want to keep trying right now, but I do worry that waiting will just mean a higher risk of even more loss.

Chicky - I hope you can figure out what’s going on this cycle soon :hugs:

So that SIL of mine broke the space I asked for and messaged me...while I was at work...to complain about of all things politics! I instantly got tears in my eyes bc I already felt guilty and here she is saying she misses me. Thankfully no one was in the same room as me. I told her that I’m still angry and I don’t want to take it out on her and so I still need space and I get it sucks but it sucks worse for me. She said she’s grieving with us, and my first thought was yea I wish I was still pregnant and grieving with someone else instead too...but I kept that one to myself. It’s so hard to wish it wasn’t you but also not want anyone else to go through this either.


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## Weebles

Ugh, lesonde.. I'm sorry your SIL didn't respect the space you asked for. I wanted nothing more than to have two under two and that will never ever happen for me so I would also have a hard time being around someone like that and not being hurt or maybe even bitter myself. Be gentle with yourself and sometimes admitting "ugly" feelings helps to release them. I'm also 36 and really want a sibling close in age for D so even though I don't feel totally emotionally ready to ttc again I can't bring myself to put it off either. So much so I didn't even wait the cycle I was supposed to. 

Sallyanne, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. And to top it of your BIL sounds like an insensitive piece of work. I'd want to stay far far away too. It does seem like pregnant people are everywhere now. My close friends who live up the road are expecting their first and.. I was so looking forward to play dates and even being on maternity leave at the same time. Now I can hardly like their posts on Facebook even though I know it took them years to conceive and they deserve every ounce of happiness. For the most part I seem to be the opposite of others as overall I found Facebook to be helpful. I joined a couple groups for mc support which helped a little bit. It might be time to leave them now though, just because sometimes it's a reminder I don't want. 

Ladystardust, my anxiety has worsened as well. I haven't had a panic attack in years but I have started to again. They really are quite frightening in and of themselves. I really relate to a lot of what you are feeling as well. Also, there were times when we were ttc that my husband also couldn't perform. It must be difficult to feel so much pressure so it's no wonder. Remember though, it's really an entire window of opportunity and not just s single moment. 

Chickybaby, I hope your busy schedule coming up is something to look forward to and hopefully you get that positive opk soon. 

AFM, I don't know what cycle day I am but I'm officially in the TWW as I can tell I've been in my leutal phase now for at least 2 days now. I feel the same feelings I felt when I conceived before, the ones that had me just knowing I was pregnant and telling my husband long before I tested. But we will have to see. Sometimes when you want something so badly everything seems to be a sign. I took another pregnancy test today. It was negative but the test I used was also less sensitive. And there was an evap that appeared when I finally got out of bed an hour or two later. It's weird actually wanting to see a negative but I'm not worried about having retained anything anymore. It's almost Halloween. I had been wanting to do a Halloween themed announcement.


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## LadyStardust4

Thanks for your lovely words Chicky. I have been offered some counselling through my work as I got a bit upset last Thursday. But I haven't decided whether to go for it. Not sure I want to open a can of worms! I think I am mostly coping ok. I used to be quite active and haven't really got back into an exercise routing at all since before I was pregnant and that's probably having a negative affect on my mood. I'm planning to go to circuits training tonight which will give me a kick up the butt!! Oh btw - I managed to get a BD in this morning before work. The OPK was negative but at least I've tried!

Sounds like you're doing everything you can this cycle. OPKs can be so frustrating can't they?! Half the time I never pick up my surge so I would say if you're on it every other day you won't miss it :) 

Lesondemavie - sounds like you're having a really hard time of it at the moment. I think you're doing the right thing keeping that distance whilst you're still grieving. Sometimes you have to be selfish and look after number 1! Can be so frustrating seeing other people in your family or close circle having no problems at all having babies and they don't always appear to appreciate it as much as we feel we would right? My SIL is a few months younger than me - we're both 29. She has three kids which have all been 'accidents' aged 7, 6 and 3. She's an amazing mum and I'm really close with the family and the children. But part of me is like... how is it that she has not even had to try for her children and had absolutely no complications. (Even her labours were easy - all of them less than 2 hours!) and here's me struggling to conceive and hold on to one pregnancy!! 

We're allowed selfish thoughts. This is a safe place and I'm so thankful to all you ladies for sharing your experiences and making me feel less alone. Sending love to all x


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## LadyStardust4

Sorry Weebles, think we were writing at the same time so I missed you! Funny you should mention Facebook - I came off it a week ago when my anxiety was bad and it has really helped me! 

Keep us updated as you progress through your cycle. I'm sending (BF) positive thoughts your way. x


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## Weebles

Just a vent. My coworker found out she's pregnant. She's in her 40's and she's wanted a baby for a long time but her husband didn't so she just kind of accepted it wasn't in the cards. It turns out she's 17 weeks and had no idea since she's had her period the entire time. Our due dates were only a few weeks apart. She was actually going to the doctor because she thought she had cancer and was dying. Her stomach is as flat as can be. Now I can be happy for her and sad for me at the same time. To me the feelings aren't mutually exclusive so I really am happy for her, I've known it was something she deeply wanted the entire time I've worked with her. But she's high anxiety and what I can't handle is pregnant her giving me her stream of consciousness word vomit about how scared she is going to miscarry. I know she's just clueless. I know she really is worried because of her age. I know her knowing about me just increases her anxiety even more. I get anxiety. But I can't be the one to aleviate those fears for her and get her in a better head space. It was too much for me, to be the person who miscarried telling her not to worry because it's my story not hers. Of course if I do get pregnant again I'll be feeling the exact same way so I guess I even though I understand and can empathize I'm just tired of being the person who has to console everyone. I wish she could just keep that part to herself. I wish I was the one who was worried.


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## LadyStardust4

Weebles said:


> Just a vent. My coworker found out she's pregnant. She's in her 40's and she's wanted a baby for a long time but her husband didn't so she just kind of accepted it wasn't in the cards. It turns out she's 17 weeks and had no idea since she's had her period the entire time. Our due dates were only a few weeks apart. She was actually going to the doctor because she thought she had cancer and was dying. Her stomach is as flat as can be. Now I can be happy for her and sad for me at the same time. To me the feelings aren't mutually exclusive so I really am happy for her, I've known it was something she deeply wanted the entire time I've worked with her. But she's high anxiety and what I can't handle is pregnant her giving me her stream of consciousness word vomit about how scared she is going to miscarry. I know she's just clueless. I know she really is worried because of her age. I know her knowing about me just increases her anxiety even more. I get anxiety. But I can't be the one to aleviate those fears for her and get her in a better head space. It was too much for me, to be the person who miscarried telling her not to worry because it's my story not hers. Of course if I do get pregnant again I'll be feeling the exact same way so I guess I even though I understand and can empathize I'm just tired of being the person who has to console everyone. I wish she could just keep that part to herself. I wish I was the one who was worried.

Ahh Weebles, I'm sorry :( It's a gut punch hearing people around you are pregnant. Good for you for being happy for her which is not an easy feeling for you right now. You're right, the circumstances are totally different. I understand why you don't feel you can handle her worries on top of your own anxiety and you might have to actually tell her you don't feel in the right head space to be of any help to her right now.

My best friend of 23 years is pregnant, about 9 weeks I think - she told me on the back of her test at 4 weeks - and she has PCOS. Was not trying for a baby and because of her condition she is worried about miscarrying too. This is what I sent to her...

"I’m gonna be honest – I’m avoiding saying things like “It’ll be fine” because I was worried too and that’s what people said to me.

Sometimes it isn’t all fine but you deal with whatever news you get.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best is the best advice I can give."

Hope that helps xx


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## Chickybaby

Hi girls. Selfish post from me.

I'm feeling so tired, it feels like just when you are doing good and moving on with life you hit another wall blah. I just realised I should be coming up to half way and finding out the gender and all that. Realised I should have a baby wriggling around in there instead of nothing. I am going really good and even forget about the loss sometimes (that makes me feel so guilty I'm just so busy at the moment) but TTC is starting to get on top of me again. I'm getting frustrated at not getting a positive opk. I have been having so much abdominal pain or ovary twinges and its starting to freak me out that something's wrong. I'm starting to spiral a but here and there that with the pain and the loss it wasn't just bad luck and something is wrong. It really worries me that I started bleeding before the baby died, I'm worried that means my lining came away while they were alive and that's what killed them. I no that the spotting before was probably unrelated (especially since o spotted my entire pregnancy with my son) but I can't help but worry. I'm going to continue as is for now but I needed to get a bit of the fear out. Everyone just thinks we can try again and have another baby... I have this sinking thought in the back of my head, what if its not that simple? What if we can't.


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## LadyStardust4

Chickybaby said:


> Hi girls. Selfish post from me.
> 
> I'm feeling so tired, it feels like just when you are doing good and moving on with life you hit another wall blah. I just realised I should be coming up to half way and finding out the gender and all that. Realised I should have a baby wriggling around in there instead of nothing. I am going really good and even forget about the loss sometimes (that makes me feel so guilty I'm just so busy at the moment) but TTC is starting to get on top of me again. I'm getting frustrated at not getting a positive opk. I have been having so much abdominal pain or ovary twinges and its starting to freak me out that something's wrong. I'm starting to spiral a but here and there that with the pain and the loss it wasn't just bad luck and something is wrong. It really worries me that I started bleeding before the baby died, I'm worried that means my lining came away while they were alive and that's what killed them. I no that the spotting before was probably unrelated (especially since o spotted my entire pregnancy with my son) but I can't help but worry. I'm going to continue as is for now but I needed to get a bit of the fear out. Everyone just thinks we can try again and have another baby... I have this sinking thought in the back of my head, what if its not that simple? What if we can't.

You're not being selfish by having these worries. It's totally normal! I think all of us - even when we do have our BFPs are going to struggle with worries and anxiety our whole pregnancies. It's natural after what we've experienced. But once we do - (and we will!) it will all be worth it. Trust me - I am ALWAYS thinking that last time was a fluke and we won't get pregnant again but you've just got to trust your body and trust that it will happen when it's meant to.

AFM, I think I mentioned I had EWCM on like day 11 of my cycle and a positive opk. So we DTD the next morning. But then yesterday (cycle day 14) I got more EWCM so I think my ovulation was delayed and I missed my boat after all :( 

I'm going to be 30 in February - the week after I would have been due. So I am starting to think I might wait until then to start trying again. The stress of tracking and disappointment every month it doesn't happen is just too much for me to handle at the moment!


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## Weebles

Ladystardust- expect the worst and hope for the best used to be my motto, lol. I don't know if I could actually say that but fortunately I don't have to work with her too often. That makes it sound like I don't like her though which isn't true. I struggle with ttc too and part of me wishes I could put it off but the worry over my increasing age and the age gap overpowers. Crossing my fingers you'll end up with a bfp though! I think when you dtd should have you covered. 

Babychucky- I don't think that's a selfish post at all, we all need to vent and it's hard not to know why it happened. I bled with my successful pregnancies too but not at all with the one I lost. The way I see it now is that bleeding or not bleeding doesn't really give you any clues as to how things are going. It's not the most reassuring conclusion but I also don't think your lining would just start shedding unless your hormones were already dropping which is basically what happens in a mc. It sounds like you feel your body betrayed you and I feel the same way too sometimes but no matter the reason, it's not your fault. 

I don't know how often you've used positive opk's in the past but I was never able to get a real positive on them. Some women just have a really quick surge. I would consider them positive for me but eventually I just gave up on them and stuck with charting. It's a window and not a moment, I tell that to myself a lot. 

AFM- I tested again today and finally got a stark white negative, not even an evap. I was half hoping to see a slightly darker line but overall I'm relieved. I've got about a week left before I can test to see I'll have a real positive now. I keep feeling like I'm pregnant. My nighttime carpel tunnel syndrome is back too. It's really hard to trust my body right now even though I'm trying and wishful thinking has me super alert to every last twinge.


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## lesondemavie

Chicky - We are right there with you. Even the term “miscarry” sets us up to feel like our bodies didn’t carry the baby right. Of course we all feel guilt, worry, fear, and betrayal. I’ll flat out say I don’t trust my body when it comes to ttc and babies. I haven’t had that luxury for most of this journey. That being said, I made it through these dark woods before and I have a beautiful daughter now. I’d do it all over again and more just to have her joy in my life. If something is wrong, then you will deal with it.

I know it’s bleak, but there are no good signs for me anymore. This past pregnancy all of my numbers and ultrasounds and symptoms were good up until the very day before my little babe’s heart stopped and it turns out that baby only had one X chromosome.

I’ve jumped down the egg quality rabbit hole and I’m on a few antioxidants now just in case. I still don’t know if/when I want to try again, but egg maturation takes 90 days and they can’t hurt anything (except my bank account). We so quickly blame eggs when it comes to chromosomal abnormalities, but sperm quality can be an issue too.

AF started for me yesterday. I had a 14 day LP for the first time in my life. My LP has never been longer than 12 days. I think it might be from the vitamin C in my resveratrol supplement, but who knows. I should be happy, but it was unexpected and I’m more just feeling even more out of control! Through all of this the one saving grace has been how predictable my cycle is. I’ve even accurately predict when AF will arrive the cycles that started with an mmc when everything supposed to be a bit of a mess. Expect the unexpected I guess.


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## Chickybaby

Thanks ladies, so good having a safe place to get a but of this out. I can drop all my junk here and leave it alone for a bit if that makes sense. 

Weebles, I have only used opks for one other cycle, that one I got pregnant with my son. I didn't ovulate till cycle day 21, maybe that's normal for me. I don't really no. After 10 years on the pill and 8 months of screwy cycles before him, only one pp period and then the post mc cycle I don't remember why my cycles were even like before. I was 16 and not trying so never paid any attention. In think i do feel a bit like my body betrayed me but with that I feel like I have betrayed my body too by not looking after myself very well for the past few year's. Glad your hpt is now negative and you can trust a true positive when it comes.

Ladystardust, I hope that having a break from ttc is helpful for you and you are able to enjoy the holiday season and your birthday before getting back into it. That may be just what you need. I turn 30 in January so will be having a boozy celebration if I'm not pregnant by then, a but of a consolation prize but its something hey. 

Lesonde, you're right, it doesn't even really matter if something's 'wrong' we are strong and will find a way through. My boy is the light of my life, I'm lucky I didn't go through a lot to get him. I feel so incredibly lucky to have him (even when he wakes up at stupid o'clock all night, all week!) And will feel most likely even luckier and more great full if we get another baby. Its feels weird saying 'if', before my son I always said 'I'd we have kids' (always the pessimist) but after him it was always 'when we have another baby' now I'm back at 'if'.

I feel the same about another pregnancy. There will be no comfort in good numbers, growth or heart rate. My baby had all those too. They still died. 

Interesting you mention sperm health. Thats something that concerns me for sure. My husband has crohns disease and is on some pretty heavy medication that can affect fertility. We've been assured the dose he is on won't and he was on it when we had our son but still makes me nervous. I haven't told anyone that though, I don't want him to feel bad that I'm stressing about that. 

Expect the unexpected is right, will be interesting to see if it continues that way.

Gotta go, little man just woke up for the day


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## MrsFruitie

Still no period over 6 weeks since surgery can’t stand this wait it’s so frustrating when we want to try again. My miscarriage was in September and we were hoping to catch on again by Christmas... no chance now alas!! 

How are all you ladies doing? Xx


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## Chickybaby

MrsFruitie so frustrating. The waiting is so annoying as there's not really anything you can do to change it, just wait .Hopefully won't be too much longer. Any idea if you ovulated or not?

AFM. Positive opk today. The most intense ovary pain last night, my ovary's feel tender I don't no what that is about. We had sex last night and will aim to for the next 3 nights but will see how we go. Glad I have a busy few weeks planned to get me through the waiting. Think I will be OK either way this month just glad it looks like I'm going to ovulate, CD 18 or 19 I think right now so not too bad.


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## lesondemavie

MrsF - Hopefully it will come soon. It can take a long while after for things to get back to normal. You may have at least one chance before Xmas, yea? Timelines and expectations are tough though. We don’t control these things and they can put so much pressure on everything. I try to think it would be nice but really any healthy baby anytime will be wonderful.

Chicky- I told DH that I needed him to take vitamins with me just to know we’re doing everything we can and also so it’s not just me working hard at this. He takes a multi, l-car, and coq10. He wasn’t super consistent with it though so we have a chart in the bathroom and he’s better about it now. I’d like him on another antioxidant before we try again though. Just have to do some research first. As for the ovary pain, you could have a cyst. It’s common to have a cyst supporting the pregnancy. We saw mine last cycle but I think it’s gone now.


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## Weebles

Yay for O Chicky! If I had to take a stab at the pain your feeling my guess would be that it's the follicle that has or wil release the egg. 

MrsFrutie, that's a long wait, I'd be so frustrated too. In the reading I've done about ttc post miscarriage some women had to take something to trigger their first cycle. 

AFM, cycle day 27 if counting my mc as day one. :( 28-32 is pretty normal for me. I have no idea what to expect after a mc though and how that will effect things. I'm getting anxious and really hope that we don't have to go through the struggle of ttc again or another loss.


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## Weebles

Oh, and Lesonde, you reminded me of something. My DH is on antidepressants and while his sperm count is good there's evidence to suggest that it can also cause DNA defragmentation and it's something that made me wonder if that's why it took so long to conceive our DD. We had tried to reduce his dose but it's not really a good idea so we won't do that again.


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## lesondemavie

Weebles I’d expect at least a week longer than your norm.


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## Chickybaby

Thanks lesonse, that's a great way of addressing it with DH. We are not taking vitamins or anything yet (other than prenatals). My doctor mentioned a product to improve sperm health but at the time it was only a few days after our loss and I felt it was unnecessary as we have already had a healthy child. I thought it was just one of those things and just bad luck and next time would be fine. I'm less convinced now and more nervous now it has well and truly sank in and we are back to trying. May look into some vitamins in the next few weeks and definitely clean up our diet even more. Sucks that it takes 3 months to really improve sperm or egg health. I had thought about the possibility of a cyst, none were present at any of my last few ultrasounds to my knowledge. The pain has mostly gone now other than the odd twinge here and there and a heavy feeling this morning. 

Weebles I think it is related to activity in my ovaries. Not unusual for me, even had ovary pain while on the pill, this was just much more intense than normal. I don't know I'd I'm focusing on.it more or if it has been getting worse. It makes me a but nervous. Surely pain a lot of the time can't be good. I hope your cycle regulates soon for you. It is really scary when the prospect of being pregnant or not is 'real' and close. I feel good at the moment and that we will just deal with whatever. But I know in a couple of weeks when I am getting closer to being due for my period i will get anxious about the prospect of both being pregnant or not. 

AFM, pain has subsided but still there a bit, think that I ovulated but don't even trust my body to do that. Opk today negative but only just, will re test tomorrow. Wish I was temping to confirm.but its not practical at the moment as I have been ending up with a hot toddler in my bed each night and restless sleep!

Hope all of you are doing OK and we get some good news in our group soon xx


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## LadyStardust4

I've decided to take some control back today and I phoned the Labour ward at my hospital to find out how I go about getting an update on the Post Mortem. I don't like waiting for it knowing it is going to hit me out of nowhere! Lady I spoke to was nice and seemed really helpful and said she is going to chase up my consultant's secretary to move things along. So will hopefully have some answers soon! I'm not sure the results will have much of an influence on our attempts to try again - even if they said it was 50% chance of same outcome, and as much as it would hurt to go through that all again, I have to try. I just have to be a mother. That's all I have ever really wanted.

Anyway... as a side note. I am cycle day 18 but ovulated early this cycle. Even though I'm not sure we timed BD quite right, it isn't stopping me from sending myself loopy with symptom spotting. I've got quite a bit of creamy CM at the moment and I'm pretty sure usually I am dry around this time but I don't trust my cycles right now so we will see. Also thought I saw a tiny bit of blood when I wiped after a wee at the weekend but by the time I saw it, the loo roll was in the water of the toilet and I couldn't see properly. Think I am seeing what I want to see!

Chickybaby, don't fret if you don't get positive opks. I've decided they were designed to be a constant source of frustration to ladies TTC haha! They are hardly ever positive for me. Much better to go off EWCM so I've heard! 

I am also hoping for good news for one of us soon! x


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## Yellowmoon

Hi everyone, is it OK if I join?

I have been reading this thread and I am so sorry for what you have all been through. 

I miscarried my first pregnancy last week (I was 10 weeks pregnant). I had my follow up scan today and they confirmed that I had passed everything naturally, just some residule 'products' to come out now, whatever that means!

Last week I felt like never trying again because it was so horrible but I am feeling in slightly better spirits now and I want positive vibes for my rainbow baby. When I went to my first scan last Monday where they said the baby was measuring very small there was a very bright rainbow over the hospital. I really hope that's a sign.

Thankfully I am off to Disney world on Saturday and I think that will help me feel a lot better. I'm very grateful that things didn't go wrong when I was already out there and that I've had time to recover before the long haul flight. I was meant to be announcing the pregnancy whilst there...but I think the trip will really help me feel myself again. I've been looking forward to it for over a year. What happened is crud, but the timing of everything is kind of perfect, as weird as that sounds. 

I'm going to wait for AF before trying. Hope we all get our rainbow babies and I would love to hear about BFPs in this thread too. 

Wishing you all the best xxx


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## kiki1234

Can I join too? :hi:

I've been a stalker for awhile. I have a 22 m/o dtr, and have had 2 miscarriages (9/17 & 5/18). We've been ttc again for the last 4 cycles with no success. I finally went into the doctor and found how that I have some significant PCOS issues. I've always had such a regular cycle, no irregular spotting, etc that I never felt that PCOS could be an issue - come to find out, none of that matters! lol I have many many cysts on my ovaries, elevated fasting glucose, and significant PMS issues.

I am currently CD17, I believe I ovulated CD 15. This is our last cycle trying naturally. We will start clomid next cycle if we do not catch this cycle. I am hopeful that we will have good luck this cycle, but realistically I just don't think it's going to happen. AND my gut tells me that if I do - it will just end in another m/c. :( My husband and I really thought that we would fall pregnant pretty quickly again (we've gotten pregnant first cycle x 2, and not trying x 1), but it definitely hasn't happened... I'm getting pretty run down with the ttc stuff. Looking for ANY support to keep the ball rolling! lol

Good luck to all of you ladies - and my thoughts are with you all. Its great that there are all these women that can support each other but it's sad all the same that we are all here. :(


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## lesondemavie

Hey Kiki - of course you’re welcome. With wifey pg and the other thread dead, you need a place <3 Strange that it doesn’t seem to affect ovulation/cycles for you but I guess that’s pretty common with pcos. Pg straight away or it takes a while bc the cysts build up. Hope they can help.

Welcome Ymoon. Hope you have a wonderful trip <3


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## Chickybaby

Hello yellowmoon and kiki. More than welcome to join is great to have the support of other women even if the circumstances that brought bus together are pretty awful. I hope we can provide some support and comfort for you xx

So I just had some spotting today, seems ovulation spotting is my norm now. Unless it was a cyst? I just don't know anymore, the pain i had saturday night was pretty intense but jad a few sharp twinges today. Opk negative now. Unfortunately no sex last night (well no 'finish') so that's frustrating. Daily sex is not our norm so poor hubby was spent. Holding to squeeze in a season tonight.. Then back to every other day just in case.. 

Have started to spiral a bit. I have swimming lessons with my boy each week and the pool isn't hot but is a bit warm, I asked today and the try to keep it around 35 but sometimes it is up around 36. I asked my doctor if I could continue when I was pregnant and she said it was fine. Now after doing some reading I'm worried the heat may have contributed. I don't want to miss swimming with him because I love it but am worried about another loss.. I no a few other mums that have continued while pregnant but not sure they did during first tri...


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## kiki1234

Chicky - to my understanding being in warm water for short periods of time should be fine?... Not sure how long the swimming lessons go for tho.

Got my results back from blood sugars - fasting glucose of 92, and A1c of 4.7. Happy that my diet change seems to have helped my sugar levels. Down 5 lbs since changing my diet. Very happy with that at least.


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## Yellowmoon

Chicky- I always read that warm baths are ok as long as it's not too hot, you should be able to get in the water straight away without flinching. Body temp is 37 anyway so I don't see the swimming being an issue. I'd say enjoying yourself and carrying on like normal would be better for your wellbeing. Hope that makes you feel better :) 

Kiki- fab news on your results! It's good to set other goals too I think. I'm going to get back on the health wagon after my holiday.


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## LadyStardust4

Hi Kiki and Yellowmoon.

Very welcome to join us and so sorry to hear both of your stories.

Yellowmoon, everything will be really fresh and raw for you right now but I’m pleased to hear you have your holiday to help keep your mind as positive as possible. Best of luck on your journey. 

Kiki, I can imagine your recent PCOS diagnosis is probably really disheartening for you but I know several people with this condition that have gone on to have healthy pregnancies. TTC is a difficult journey anyway but just have faith that it’s going to happen for you and make sure you enjoy every moment with your little girl in the meantime.


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## Weebles

Welcome Yellowmoon, hope you have a blast at Disney. 

Welcome Kiki. DH and I were on our last cycle before clomid when we conceived (ended in mc) So I still have clomid ready to go. I was going to take it after my first proper cycle.. like you I feel run down about ttc.. again. 

AFM, I'm getting pretty frustrated. Spotting but no period. I just want things to go back to normal.


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## 2Baby2

Hey ladies- 

I’ve been MIA lately, just so busy with everything. My sister is in town so that’s nice 

I’m just waiting for AF to arrive should be next week but I feel like my whole life is on hold til then. 

My SIL is pregnant and she knew we were TTC so she keeps asking for updates and giving me disappointed looks if I drink bc she knows if I’m drinking I’m not PG. she doesn’t know about the MC and I’m not ready to share it with her. 

As I mentioned before my job is not the greatest and the plan was for me to stay home after baby number 2 got here so prolonging my time at the job isn’t helping with my mood or my attitude at work. 

Hopefully AF will show up next week and we can TTC....


Ughhhh.....I’m just ugh right now


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## Shorty88

I wasn't getting notifications for this thread so I'm slowly catching up.. 

I'm cd8 today so just getting ready for ovulation (hopefully) I have pcos so its not unusual for me not to ovulate...

I will be using preseed for the first time this month and I'm having a fertility reflexology massage on day of what should be my ovulation so hoping I will relax and unwind and let nature take its course.. hoping I get my bfp this month as we are not trying next month as hubby will be away with work for when I would be due and I will be having another c section x


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## Chickybaby

Hi girls hope you are all well, sounds like most of us are getting back into the swing of things. I hope AF arrives swiftly for those of you who are waiting for her, pretty typical that when you want her to show she goes MIA. Have been reading along but very busy just had a quick moment to jump on here now.

Thanks for the replies re swimming, I think I'm looking for a season' especially one that's easily avoided next time. Will just try to relax for now and talk to my midwife when/if I get pregnant. 

Just waiting around here, not sure how many dpo I am exactly but some where between 7 and 5 I think... Will grab some tests in my next grocery shop and do a couple next week most likely. Have a big event on next week over for days and there is likely to be some celebratory drinking at the end so will test before then at the latest!

Having a few of my tell tale symptoms but I realise its most likely in my head this early, I am hopeful and excited but trying not to get too ahead of myself. Can already feel the watchful eyes of family at diners and such seeing if I am having a glass of wine or not! Feels like a bit of pressure but probably just me again! 

Amazing weather here at the moment which is making me feel great, even if it means I'm constantly watering my garden!

Anyway hope you are all doing OK xx


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## kiki1234

Hello all -

Ladystardust: I have also heard of a lot of people with PCOS having successful pregnancies, etc. That's what keeps me a little more positive about things. And, yes my sweet girl is such a blessing! My focus immediately after the mc & D/C was on her. I realized that I don't want to look back on the last 6 months of her life and have no idea what happened, because I was so focused on ttc. Keeping focus on her has helped immensely!

Weebles: That gives me some hope that maybe we will catch this cycle! I spose you just never know!

2baby2: I was kind of in the same bout with ttc, every knew that we were going to be trying before summer, and we had multiple friends ttc at the same time. We told all immediate family when we m/c'd but we didn't share it with friends until a couple weeks ago. I hit a point where I just couldn't handle being asked anymore times when baby #2 would be coming. I actually made a public facebook post in support of infant loss and awareness, and acknowledged in there my 2 losses, and also made a note of emphasizing (nicely of course) that maybe people should take a moment before asking that question to someone as they never know the mountain they may be climbing... And after I made it public I felt an instant sense of relief. I felt like I didn't have to hide my hurt and now my friends and family understand if I am a little stand-offish about baby things. … Sorry this is a long soapbox moment, lol, but I guess my point is - sometimes (if/when you are ready) it can be nice to share, it may relieve the heart a little. Fingers crossed for AF arriving on time!

Thanks for all the positive thoughts. This time TTC is just so different then every other time - we caught so early each time, so I think that's where my rundown/tired feeling is coming from. Currently cycle 5 - and despite feeling rundown - I am probably the least stressed that I've been in the past 5 months. haha. I feel like I have a game plan going forward so we just have to get thru this cycle. I feel like that sounds terrible, but I'm ready to at least start doing something that might help. I am currently 5-6dpo. I feel about how I've felt every cycle (including our last pregnancy cycle) lol. So who knows! My LP is typically 11 days, so hopeful it arrives on time (or not at all!) - nothing in between. lol. 

Fingers crossed for all you ladies!


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## Mandalynn09

Hey, just looking for some support! My husband and I were expecting our first we were almost 10 weeks and I started cramping and bleeding last Saturday with horrible contraction pains, we went to the er and did the crazy running around blood tests, follow up appointments with my doctor and an ultrasound on Monday which only showed me measuring at 5 weeks :( I was also diagnosed with a double uterus but my doctor was confident the loss didn’t have anything to do with the uterus abnormality. I had a D &C Thursday which finally helped with the pain and the bleeding, I’m lightly spotting now with milk cramping and back pain. 
We are so heartbroken from this loss but we so very much want our own little one but don’t want to go through this again :( 

We were told we could try again in a few months once my cycle became regular again.


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## HappyWay

Mandalynn,

I am so sorry you had to go through so much pain emotionally and physically too. My loss was at 7 weeks and i can never put it in words the emotional pain and suffering i went through, but physically it was comparable to my worst period.
I understand what you are going through now, I can't say when but i promise it will pass. 

:hug:


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## Chickybaby

So sorry for your loss mandalyn. Such a shitty road to walk but you are not alone. There will be some tough days/weeks/months ahead but you will find a way through. I hope your spotting ends soon, I could t even begin to heal until the bleeding stopped. Feel free to lean on us, ask questions or just vent here, we all have very different stories and I can guarantee one of us (if not all of us) will understand in some way shape or form. Thinking of you xx


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## LadyStardust4

Oh Mandalynn, I'm sorry to see you in here and I hope you have lots of support.
It's a horrible thing to have to go through but as Chicky said, I hope you will find some comfort in this group. It is a great place to get out all of your feelings which helps with the healing process.

AFM - I have got my appointment at the hospital for the post mortem results. It's on the 5th December. I am feeling weirdly positive about it. I feel like it will be an opportunity to put it all to bed and move on. 

Took a pregnancy test at the weekend as I was going to a party and wanted to make sure I didn't drink if on the off chance I am pregnant. It was of course negative so I will be expecting AF any day now.

Always next month I suppose...


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## Chickybaby

Ladystardust sorry for the negative test. Hope your appointment goes well. Glad you are feeling good about it. Xx

I tested this morning and bfn. Way too early so logically no that there is still time but feeling a bit down about it. I feel pregnant but starting to think my mind is playing tricks on me. Will test again at some stage no doubt.


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## Weebles

I also had a hard time. I was hoping to conceive so it was really hard when af showed up, especially since it marked exactly 1 month.. Logically I shouldn't have been too hopefull since I still had hcg in my system for around three weeks so it is unlikely I even ovulated.

It's tough enough to deal with being disappointed but while grieving at the same time it's even more difficult.


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## Chickybaby

Ugh weebles exactly, TTC sucks and getting AF sucks but after loss it hurts even more. Our logical mind seems to lose out with these things and emotional takes over. I was so relaxed last time, the positive test really shocked me, we were trying but I wasn't tracking or anything. That line popes up as soon as the urine hit the test, before the control and I was so shocked. I half expected the same today, at least a shadow but nope, not even a hint of a line. I won't count myself out yet but will get myself into the mindset of even just getting AF being a positive thing as it will mean the opks worked and I most likely did ovulate. Xx


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## HappyWay

Lady, Sorry for the negative :( Still praying for your BFP, not giving up until AF shows!

Chicky, what cycle day are you?
My thoughts exactly, last time i din't invest a lot of time stressing about it, i knew we DTD around ovulation, so i thought it would be wonderful if i were pregnant, 4 days after expected AF date i tested and saw the BFP, we were so happy expecting our first child. And then that dream crashed. This is my 3rd cycle since, first time trying using OPKs, but could not manage to DTD until 36 hours after i 'saw' the surge!! Really hoping the surge had just started when i tested, really hoping i din't ovulate very early since the surge, really hoping the sperm and egg had a nice meeting and hit it off....lots of hoping!
AF due Nov 24th.


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## Chickybaby

Happyway, not sure exactly 26 maybe. But didn't ovulate till cd19 maybe... Had a positive opk for 2 days then spotting the day after last positive so think I ovulated around Monday/Tuesday last week... So really only been a week so still too early. Just couldn't help myself and was still expecting a positive even though I no that wasn't going to happen! Especially after putting it down in writing then... Haha feel a bit silly wasting a test now. Will be hoping for you too! The opks really are a double edged sword. Can give you insight but sometimes makes things more stressful. Had you DTD before your surge at all?


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## HappyWay

Chicky, we could not DTD before the surge or during the surge at all! Just dealing with a very busy, stressful schedule right now. But i wish the one time we did way after the surge will be enough! :)

Coming to the wasted tests....the last 2 cycles my mind kept screaming 'Test, test, test' and once i did and was staring at the BFN, the same mind says 'I knew it, I told you so'. I'm like 'Whhhhaaattttt??!! Give me a break!'[-X:lol:


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## lesondemavie

I’m sorry about all of the BFNs in here, but glad to see everyone healing and back to trying.

So I went from not wanting to try this cycle to totally freaking out about the possibility of twins! :shock:

DH and I finally reconnected while in Vegas (we were both there on business and left our daughter with my parents). I thought NBD bc based on when I’ve been Oing it wasn’t in my fertile window. Well my opk went positive yesterday which is early and means that it was in my window after all. I’ll go on hormones just in case (would hate to miscarry again and wonder if it was bc I wasn’t on hormone support). My RE asked me to come in so she could tell me when to start the meds, and she found 2 follicles on my right at about 18 mm! She thinks I’ll O both by tomorrow.

My feeling are of course mixed. I think my odds are still pretty low considering when BD happened. Possible but not probable. Guess we’ll just have to see what happens and how we feel and go from there :shrug:


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## Chickybaby

Happyway sometimes life gets in the way a bit for sure! Hopefully your session after positive is just what it takes, definitely possible. And on the testing yes! Exactly how I feel. Can't stop myself then when I see the negative I feel stupid haha. 

Lesonde! Wow what a whirlwind. Glad you and hubby have found a way to reconnect in a physical sense but wow that's a lot to process for sure. How many days before ovulation did you DTD? Good call working with your RE again in case, at the very least maybe this will be another thing that will help with a decision on if/when you want to try again. Its a little but exciting though all the same :)


----------



## 2Baby2

Hey ladies- 

I think this question has been asked before (sorry) 

How long after you stopped bleeding from your MC did you get AF? 

She was due today and I’ve been cranky and moody but nothing....


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## HappyWay

2Baby2: Took 5 weeks for me for first AF. Even the next 2 took just less than 5 weeks each (my usual cycles are 28-29 days right on time)


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## Chickybaby

Mine took 6 weeks. Not unusual for me to have a longer cycle though. Waiting for my next one to finish. Looking like it will be 5 to 6 weeks


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## lesondemavie

Chicky - 5 days prior so like I said...possible but not probable but then two eggs makes it even more possible . I waffle, I will be thrilled if this just magically all works out, but I also really don’t want the anxiety of another pregnancy over the holidays.

Regarding when to expect AF mine is always 1 week later than my norm after a mmc (counting cytotec or D&C as day 1).


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## Chickybaby

Lesonde yes the anxiety will be tough, the unknown is hard I find. There's a lot of if it all works that will be great kind of thinking, followed by thoughts about how Christmas could suck with heartbreak. I will still be sad if I'm not pregnant by Christmas but if I'm not pregnant now I doubt I'd be testing again until Christmas time or later. Bright side -yum food and boozy drinks right?

I'm trying to resist the urge to test here. I was totally convinced I was pregnant but now I'm not. I still really want to pee on something though! Blah just want to make it to Sunday, 12 (?) Dpo. It no line by then I'll wait for AF and hope she shows on time, at least that would mean I pinpointed ovulation OK.


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## LadyStardust4

I was 5 weeks for AF to come back. Usually 28 day cycle. 

Chickybaby, keep us updated! X


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## lesondemavie

I was pg and super sick with my first rainbow over Thanksgiving in a different state back in 2016. It was tough but I just told ppl I had a cold and hid as needed. I was 11 weeks by Xmas and decided to go ahead and tell my family the week before so I didn’t have to deal with it. I was anxious, but past the point of both mcs and able to find the hb on my Doppler.

This time Thanksgiving will be right around testing time, and I’d only be about 8 weeks at Xmas. After losing my last baby at 8+5 and not finding out until a week later, I don’t want to tell anyone (even myself) if/when I’m pg again until 2nd tri. Any baby no matter the timing will be much loved. This was just all part of why I wanted to wait until January.

So many people think it’s so fun to announce on the holidays too without realizing how absolutely devastating it can be for someone who is struggling or grieving. Oddly enough both of my SILs announced early on Xmas a year apart and they both tried for a year plus but no loss. It’s like the second they were pg they forgot how hard it all was and that there were others out there still silently struggling.

Chicky I’m kmfx for you!


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## Weebles

I think part of the reason why people seem to forget the second they get pregnant is because of how much they were looking forward to doing all those thing. My husband's cousin struggled for over 10 years to get pregnant. Had a baby, had a loss, and just announced a couple days ago, literally after seeing two lines. (All IVF) It hurts but not a lot of people know she had a loss which she didn't announce. So I guess I understand wanting to celebrate even though it's early. Part of me wishes I had announced. All my coworkers ended up finding out I had a miscarriage but none knew I was even pregnant. I was so happy to be pregnant, it was a dream come true. I wish I had shared that happiness when I had the chance. Although now, I don't know what I'll do. I probably will feel like you and not even want to announce it to myself. I wish I could be one of those ladies who didn't even know they were pregnant. I think those are the people I am most jealous of. 
It helps when I think about how every person was the result of a pregnancy. Life should be celebrated. There's really no hiding it anyway.


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## kiki1234

I went back and forth on posting this here, but thought that maybe it would give people a little extra faith? This was cycle 5, I had bought the clomid, weaned off the Vitex and was all ready to start the next cycle. I decided to test at 10dpo, cause if randomly I was pregnant I will start Progesterone asap. I was shocked when it popped up positive. The following test is from 11dpo. I only have cheapos so will just test on them for progression. Already they look darker than my last pregnancy (with that pregnancy it was about this dark closer to 5 wks). Fingers crossed this is a sticky one - but the cynic in me is just focusing on that if this ends in a miscarriage - we can officially get referred out due to 3 losses. 

Les: Happy to see you back in the game - I hear you, if this works out we aren't announcing told well after holidays.

Fingers crossed for all of you ladies!


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## Chickybaby

Congratulations kiki, glad to see some good news here!

We discussed announcements a while ago and all agreed that we would love to see each others bfp's so thank you for sharing. 

Announcements from people in 'real' life are a lot harder. My BIL and his new wife are away on their honeymoon and I'm so nervous they might get pregnant soon. They already have 2 kids and I dont think they even want more but still a bit nervous. If it all worked out, being pregnant together and having close cousins would be amazing but all I can see is her having a healthy baby and me having another loss followed by pity from everyone. But I'm very pessimistic in general. 

Thanks for the luck ladies, will for sure let you know one way or the other.

Oh and weebles, I announced to family and close friends. I'm glad I did because I am so glad we were able to celebrate our baby and talking about the loss after helped for me. It was weird with some people though that didn't mention it at all after they heard. I think if we get pregnant again I will be slightly more guarded but I'm not sure. Its a personal decision, my friend hated having to untell people so she doesn't tell anyone hardly till 14ish weeks. Xx


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## HappyWay

Kiki1234: Congratulations!!! This is wonderful news!\\:D/

I personally am coping a lot better about the loss since a few days, i was looking at Oct/Nov testing groups and was feeling very positive and hopeful whenever i saw a BFP announced there. I was so badly waiting to see the first BFP in this group yet, some how it would make me believe that even after such a heart wrenching loss, we too really would have a BFP and a healthy pregnancy with a child in our arms. Yippee for the team! 

All other ladies and myself: we will be there soon! :hugs2:


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## lesondemavie

Congrats Kiki! One step closer.

Weebles the announcing early isn’t the part that bothers me so much as the doing it on a holiday. Perhaps you were looking forward to it before, but Idk at least for me I’ve realized how selfish that is, how announcing another time will be just as happy, and it’s a minor adjustment in a happy time to help add a little less pain to those still struggling.

I felt that way last two times. We told those close to us right away so we could celebrate what time we had. This third time I just want to close my eyes and wish it all away, to go on with my happy family of three and pretend like none of this is happening.


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## lesondemavie

I also get that sharing publicly helps some, but that will never be me. I’m not a very “public” person in general, and I don’t want everyone else’s input on what I should think or feel as I go through this. I just feel like it’s none of their business.


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## Chickybaby

Glad i didn't test, spotting and cramping. Way more disappointed than I thought I would be but will bounce back in a few days I'm sure. We did all we could and that's that.


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## Weebles

Congratulations Kiki! 

I understand, where you're coming from lesonde, especially about announcing on a holiday. I was just rambling my own thoughts, sharing pretty much what I have to tell myself so I can deal when I see things like that. 

I'm not very public on social media either.


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## lesondemavie

Hugs your way chicky


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## Weebles

Sorry Chicky. It sucks


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## Sallyanne81

Thanks for all the support and advice everyone! Sometimes it feels like others in the outside world just don't understand.

I hit at a bit of a low point after seeing my SIL a few weeks ago (she walked into my in-laws house and exposed her stomach for them to see whilst I was standing behind her - that's not normal is it!?!). Then this week my MIL had a pep talk with me, she told me I should just get over it as I was lucky (to have had 3 miscarriages in a row) as some people can't even get pregnant at all, I think she was trying to help? 

I'm starting to come through the other side now :) getting my first AF has helped, I had 2 wks of bleeding then AF came 4 wks 5 dys after the bleeding stopped. I was convinced I was pregnant I took 5 pregnancy tests (all massive BFNs) before AF arrived, it must have been the hormones going mental.

Still waiting for karyotype results to come back then going to go back to the gyne about the other tests, there seems to be a bit of a family history of thyroid issues so I am going to insist on that one too.

I'm on CD 9 is anyone around there too?

So happy to see Kiki's BPF! Hoping to see some more announcements on here soon!


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## HappyWay

oh Sally! I am sorry people around you are showing such insensitive behavior! :hug:
And it is not normal to walk into a room and expose the belly, pregnant or not![-X[-X
The best thing i did was 'ignore' all the free knowledge i was dumped on when i was in my darkest place. Everybody thought i should have moved on, everybody kept saying miscarriages are very common, everybody said to me at least you know there are no problems for conception so be happy for that and keep trying and of course move on, they said 'it's been like 4 weeks, you still feeling bad?!' , my MIL and FIL said 'TAKE IT LIGHTLY!'

I stopped talking to people on phone (luckily none of family lives close by so they can't drop by) I only turned to this group for understanding and comfort, which i got[-o&lt;
It is not ok for people to decide when i should move on. I was already going through such physical and emotional pain, self-doubt, vulnerability, i definitely don't want people to come and say shitty words (even if they think they are trying to help, even if they are right!)

I hope you will find it in you to tune out this non-sense and focus on you alone right now :hugs2::hugs2:


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## Chickybaby

Sallyanne so sorry to hear about your SIL and MIL I can never quite believe how self involved some people can be and insensitive. That comment from your MIL was quite shocking, people try their best to offer words of comfort but more often than not their words just hurt. Even my own mother (who has had a mc) was shocked that I was still crying most nights a few weeks later. Maybe because outwardly I was doing fine. And you definitely get a lot of 'you can try again' comments. 

Glad to hear you are coming through the fog though despite it all and glad you ate hopefully on the road to getting some answers. Thyroid seems to be an issue for a fair few women so worth a look for sure!

AFM, small amounts of spotting yesterday but nothing now, still cramping a bit. Will see what the day brings xx


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## kiki1234

Thanks everyone! I am very cautiously excited. Tested again today - continuing to darken up so hopefully this works out.

Sal: I definitely recommend getting your thyroid checked out. After my 2nd mc, I requested to have my checked and it was 2.42 - which is not ridiculously high but also not prime. I think that maybe all the hormones from the pregnancy had made it go a little haywire. When I rechecked my tsh in September it was 1.8, and then down to 1.4 in Nov. I am much more comfortable at this level. So definitely worth investigating! I'm sorry to hear about what your MIL said. I get that it's hard to know what to say to people - but maybe then you should say nothing at all?... I hope that doesn't sound harsh to your MIL - I'm sure she did mean well.

Fingers crossed for you Chicky! Hopeful the spotting was implantation?


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## lesondemavie

Ah Sally my in-laws are the same. My SIL followed me out my car while I was trying to get some space and then stretched sticking out her bump even further right in front of me, and my MIL basically told me to get over it and just be positive. My thyroid and Prolactin were issues, so definitely an advocate for getting those checked.

So the bloat from growing and probably ovulating 2 follicles is insane. I can’t drink enough licorice tea! They checked my P today at 3 DPO and it’s 12.6 without supplements. I’ve never had an unmedicated number that high, but my only other check was at 7 DPO and we think that number was low bc my CL fails early, so onto hormones I go just in case. I wonder though, with the 14 day LP last cycle maybe I ovulated 2 then too and that helped boost my hormones.


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## Chickybaby

CD 1 feel OK about it. Have had a hectic few weeks so looking forward to slowing down a bit, getting back into a goof routine and enjoy my family of 3. We hopefully will grow to a family of four some day so I will try to make the most of this time, I let TTC ruin a big chunk of our first year of marriage I think and bow wish I had just enjoyed that special time together, don't want to let TTC take over my life again.... I say this now... Watch me pee on opks and time sex in.a few weeks! Haha oh well' will do my best to love in the now.

Oh and another note my disappointment on not being pregnant was soon followed by relief that at least that means I won't have another loss... Is that weird?

Interesting thought lesonde, will be interesting to see how this cycle pans out for you. Will have to look up the licorice tea for bloating! Great tip

ETA also just worked out my cycle was only about 31 days. That's pretty good for me but think my luteal phase was short. Not 100 percent on O date though... Had severe ovary pain followed by two days of positive opks then spotting the next day... And here I go obsessing again blah


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## MrsFruitie

Oh my word just popped on here after a busy couple of week and CONGRATULATIONS KIKI!!! Very happy for you, and you have helped spread some hope for myself! 

I finally got AF after 7 weeks but she was very very light and spotting constantly rather than a flow as such. Plus she lasted nearly 2 weeks... 

Think I am currently ovulating, do my poor husband best be prepared

I’m actually excited about trying again now, and feeling a lot more positive. 

I thought AF would upset me, when actually it was a weight off knowing my body was back to normal for the moment. 

Hope all you ladies are are ok! We are a bunch of amazing strong warrior women, even if we do not feel like it after these sad times. We will all have our little rainbow babies soon xxx


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## 2Baby2

It’s been 34 days since my MC so i guess its still a little early for AF, but I just wish she would damn show up! 

The next part of this post may upset,I’m sorry, but I was so hurt by this experience and no one understands like you ladies 

A woman I work with just found out she’s pregnant and is debating termination. I Almost burst out crying as soon as she told me this and SHE KNOWS ABOUT MY MC, I know I shouldn’t judge but.....I just feel like that’s not something you share with someone recently had a lost! She said her husband and her are going through a bad time and she doesn’t want to be stuck with him bc they have a child. I was like mmmmm weird soooo many different ways you can prevent it. But whatever. 

I don’t understand why we all experience so many insensitive people!


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## Shorty88

2 dpo today.. don't know how I feel about this month.. I'm feeling good and hopeful.. well I'm sick with a cough at the min but it is a good distraction of what is happening.

This is our last month of "trying" I need a break my mental state is taking a bad knocking.. I don't think I have grieved properly over my miscarriage.. if I am not pregnant this month im giving my self till the new year to relax and enjoy christmas and New year's. 

X


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## lesondemavie

Chicky - I’m always really down the day that AF arrives and then hope starts to bubble up with O and a new chance and now I just try to check the f out during the 2ww. Putting the focus back on family definitely helps. I also try to plan a treat for myself if/when AF arrives. I think this time we’ll go check out a local brewery that’s been on my list for a while. And yes licorice tea has been a lifesaver!

2baby - I think people are quite egocentric sometimes and they don’t really think things through. I’m sorry she decided to open up to you about her situation. My little sister had an oopsie pregnancy while on BCP (she’s super woo woo and on meds for bipolar disorder and said meds can make BCP less effective but still she chose to ask her ob for a lower dose BCP and lo and behold 3 months later oops). The meds are known to cause birth defects and she also self-medicates quite excessively with alcohol and sometimes party drugs, so the odds that the baby was not well by the time she found out were high. She chose to take a high dose of vitamins known to cause abortion and then told our whole family that she miscarried. This all happened just a few months after my mmc at 8+1 with my first pregnancy that happened after 5 months of trying with OPKs and BBT, and she knew what I had been through. I get that it was a tough situation for her and she needed support and our father who had us out on pro-life picket lines as kids would not understand, but ugh the timing of it all while I was still grieving and ttc was awful and gut-wrenching.

Shorty - kmfx for you and that’s exactly my thoughts if this is a bfn...but now I’m super worried about my FSH and how much time I have left so ugh I’m torn.

AFM: I went to my happy place and baked all morning yesterday for a Friendsgiving with DH’s friends. Really happy with how everything turned out <3


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## 2Baby2

Les- those look amazing!


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## Chickybaby

MrsFruitie glad AF arrived and has passed and you are feeling refreshed to start again on this journey. Excited to see more bfps in here.

2baby2 sorry to hear about your colleague sharing such sensitive information with you, it never ceases to amaze me how self involved and insensitive people can be. Also agree with what lesonde said about people not thinking things through the want support for their problems without thinking about yours. 

Shorty good luck this cycle, great idea taking a break if no pregnancy this month. Great time of the year to take a break and just enjoy the good food and wine and re-group in the new year. Hoping for you that this cycle will however do the trick! 

Lesonde, exactly it's such a rollercoaster of hope, anxiety and a lot of the time disappointment and fear. I will allow myself to feel these emotions but then move on. Life is for the most part really good, I don't want to waste this time with my boy worrying or being removed from the now. I feel good now, it is what it is. Love the macarons! Super cute, I've never actually tries them. Hope they are as yummy as they look. We don't do thanksgiving here but my family has all our birthdays over the next two months starting with Mums this week so a busy few months none the less. 

AFM, have had a few crazy busy weeks working towards a huge event for our new business. It was a huge success, but I really missed my son who spent the majority of the time with Dad or grandad. Back to normal today and loving it, think we will head to the zoo later in the week so that will be neat. 

In terms of TTC just waiting for AF to end then will start opks at some stage and get back to sex every other day. Hopefully this month will be the one, should be testing around Christmas time if this cycle is similar to the last. Bfn and AF around Christmas will be a drag but at least there will be plenty to distract me if that's the case. This part of the cycle is so uneventful and I find it quite a calm time somehow. No stressing about timing sex and questioning every 'symptom' its nice to have my mind somewhat quite for a bit if you no what I mean.

Hope you're all well!


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## kiki1234

2baby: that story just breaks my heart - some people just never think. :hugs:

Chicky baby: I was the same way - I did not want to waste time with my girl dwelling on what wasn't happening. Happy thoughts for you!

Les: yum! :) Can you mail some to us? :lol:

Question for you ladies - At the time of my 2nd miscarriage my doctor mentioned being open to testing out betas if I wanted too. Well now that we are at the point of doing that - I'm not sure I want to? All I can think of is if they turn out low and bad - then I'm going to sit and dwell on that for the next WK.. Right now it's kind of nice to just live in the unknown. My doctor will see me right around 6 wks so I will be seen early regardless and earlier if I have issues. What would you guys do? Are you beta testers? Have your doctor's mentioned anything to you about testing them out when you have another pregnancy? I'm sorry if this is a stupid ? I just feel torn and don't have anyone else to ask... :shrug:.


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## Chickybaby

Thanks kiki, I had betas run with my boy to ensure they were doubling etc because I was spotting and had some pain so they wanted to rule out ectopic etc. They rose appropriately so they did provide some reassurance and comfort. My mc my doctor had one done just to confirm and see what the starting point was etc they were pretty high this time so never had any more done, I was waaay more relaxed. I don't think I would ask for them next time because it didn't matter last time, they didn't indicate that we would lose that baby at all so don't think they would provide comfort or reassurance really. If they were low I would freak out and if they were high I would most likely do the same... I say this now but feelings may change when the time comes. I guess it depends on how they will make you feel. Will good numbers provide some reassurance for you? I think you need to ask your self if having them run and having more information will help you feel more in control and aware or whether they may cause undue stress. Sorry if that's not a lot of help! Let us know what you decide xxx


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## lesondemavie

Kiki - With this last mmc, I had betas every other day up until 5 weeks and then we switched to ultrasound. I still had my P and E2 levels checked every week after that. Everything looked good and was increasing right up until the day before baby stopped growing. If there is a next time, I’ll let my doctor do what she needs to do but I don’t really want to know the numbers as we go. That experience taught me that the reassurance I got from those good numbers and good early ultrasounds was really overstretch ng. All it means is that up to that point and in that moment things are still progressing as they should.


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## lesondemavie

And thanks all! I had a lot of fun making those macarons. Would send you all some if I could!


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## kiki1234

Thanks ladies - I really appreciate the input. I think I am just going to hold off. Knowing that I will be seen on the early side regardless makes me feel better. I just don't want to sit and dwell if the numbers don't come back good OR feel false security if they do. I have such an IF attitude on this pregnancy that I think waiting til 6 wks to even figure out if things are working right may just be the best idea for me. Less anxiety! I haven't had a positive ultrasound since my sweet girl - so it's not hard to not get my hopes up. Lol. I feel terrible saying that, but oh well - at least I know you girls understand.

A positive tho - my progression on my tests has been really good, it is as dark as the control line on my cheapo tests @ 15dpo.

Thanks again for your input ladies!


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## Chickybaby

Sounds like the right decision for you kiki, sounds as though betas would add more stress rather than ease it. Glad you have made a decision and can sit back now and wait for the next stage. The progressing online is a great indicator that at this point all is going as it should! Totally understandable not wanting to get your hopes up, doesn't mean you don't want or love this babe, just guarding your heart xx


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## Weebles

AF came and went as usual. I ended up deciding not to use my clomid just yet. My fertile window is this week which works out really well as my husband and I both have time off from work for Thanksgiving. We won't have to worry about finding the time to bd which is almost always a concern these days.

Outwardly it seems like I'm doing really well but I've been dealing with some strong emotions that swell up when I'm not actively doing something. It's a process.

Since my husband's cousin is pregnant and our LO's are around the same age I'm nervous that his family might ask us if we are going to have another. I'm pretty sure i'll just end up telling them about our loss.

Hope everyone is doing well.


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## Brendaleeane

Hello there. 

I came to give a piece of mind and advice. First let me say me and my husband have been TTC for 13 months and in February 2018 we finally had those 2 pink lines. Unfortunately in April we lossed the baby at I weeks and also didn't grow past 6 weeks. 

It was hard. I chose to go the natural route and pass the baby at home. But after 2 weeks of nothing happening but pain and bleeding I went with the surgery. It was hard and devastating. A lot of people don't see how truly difficult it is to lose a baby. 

But after that we started trying right away. Nothing happened for months. Then 4 months I got pregnant but had a chemical pregnancy before the line on the test could get past "faint" . I then had 2 more chemical pregnancies the next 2 cycles after that. And I had thought something messed up my uterus from the miscarriage and now I cant implants. Well 7 months later and I have string positive lines and I'm very confined this is a sticky bean and will make it the 9 months. 

I havent told my husband as of yet. Waiting to get my blood results back today. But what I guess I'm trying to say is DON'T give up. It is a very emotional process. But if I can fight through the fear of the unknown then you can too. 
It will happen. Just guve your body time to repair itself and get stronger for a healthy pregnancy. 

One thing my mother in lae told me when we loss the baby was don't think of it as a life gone. Think of it as the baby decided to wait for a healthier body and egg to come back to. It helped me. 

Baby dust to you. Good luck love.


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## Weebles

Brendaleeane-
My heart goes out to you for your losses. We had all agreed that we would love to know when the members of this thread get a bfp so while you have my congratulations this is also the first time I've seen you post in this thread. You'll have to forgive me as that makes me feel a bit sore but h&h anyway. It's a tough journey for all of us and I wish you the best. 

As far as what your mother in law said, I have mixed feelings about that. I have to honor the soul of my angle and the soul of any baby I may someday have. To me that means accepting that they may not be the same. I believe it's possible but wouldn't want to take comfort in that unless I knew for sure. There are stories of people's young children saying things along those lines, things they would have no way of knowing, but until that happens to me I will love them as individuals.


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## 2Baby2

Weebles and Brenda

I have mixed feelings too, even tho i never got an ultrasound I loved those two little lines. I’ve gotten similar advice from a friend who has had multiple losses that it wasn’t the right egg or the right sperm. I think I kinda sit in both camps. Everyone feels differently and grieves differently. I love how supportive and understanding this group is (I think I say that at least everyother post lol) 

Good news for me! 37 days of waiting and AF finally showed up!! I’ve never been so happy to see her lol I feel like it’s a fresh start. I’m trying not to get ahead of myself but I’m just so emotional hopefully that we will conceive quickly, logically I know it could take some time. I’ve heard it both ways that after MC you conceive quickly or it takes some time. I’ll just have to wait, at least for now I know I ovulated so that’s good news


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## kiki1234

2Baby2: happy that AF showed up! I was the same way - was so ready for it to finally come. Good luck as you start this cycle! I have also heard it both ways - fingers crossed that you are a quick one!!! :)

AFM: I had a freak out this AM. I took a urine progesterone test and it came back super negative - so I got panicky. I had to call my doctor any way to get my appt scheduled, so I requested a progesterone test and they wanted to do that and a HCG. :( So I did them... Progesterone came back @ 26! So my urine test was wayyyyyy wrong. Lol.... My MD office ordered the wrong HCG test so all it ran was positive or negative. It came back positive. Call my crazy but I'm pretty excited they screwed up. I have no desire to know my HCG levels. I know that I will over analyze them and freak myself out (because this is what I do). I hate this ttc and pregnancy after loss crap, I feel like this thread are some of the only people that truly understand this. Thanks guys. 

I am so look forward to everyone's :bfp: can't wait to start seeing them!!


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## HappyWay

Kiki, sorry you had that panic and glad everything is good :)
I am sure pregnancy after a loss is hard because of the all the fear and doubts! 'Try' to relax and take care<3

Their is a 'July Jewels 2019' group if you'd like to talk to people in the same pregnancy timeline as yourself and symptom share with them.


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## kiki1234

HappyWay: yeah I saw that group - plan to join if things work out. I've joined every other time before things actually progress - and just don't feel ready to cross that line til I know there is a reason too.

I will keep a lot of my info to myself - I just would like to be a happy follower/supporter and feel caught up/supported if I end up back in a repeat x3 situation. ♥️


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## 2Baby2

I’m kinda leaning against OPK 

What do you ladies think? Have you used them? Do you recommend them? 

I need all the advice can get!


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## kiki1234

2Baby2: I've always used them - prior to my dtr even. I feel like they gave me a little confirmation that at least my body was trying to work?... But for some people it just adds anxiety and frustration.... I'd recommend using them - but that's just my thoughts!


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## Weebles

2baby2- I never had much luck with them. I never got a true positive, only what I considered positive for me. I apparently have a short surge. I just try to bd in my fertile window. Every other day starting from cd 10-12 and a few extra times when I think I o. And usually once more for good measure just in case. I chart my cycles (no longer temping though) and mostly go by that and cm.


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## Chickybaby

Weebles, that is exactly how it is. Outwardly I seem fine too, and for the most part I am. But in those quiet moments when the kids are in bed and everything's done I still feel sad and angry. I'm so angry about everything, hitting what should have been my 20 week date really upset me. Everyone else has moved on and forgotten. Even my husband couldn't remember the exact due date. I looked in my memory box the other night, re-read the letter to my babe and looked at their picture and just cried. I haven't cried in ages but with AF coming and realising how far along I should be I broke down. I hope that you can avoid those questions from your family, everyone knows about or lose pretty much so hoping to avoid similar questions at Christmas time. Glad you should have some good opportunities to BD! Xx

2baby2, glad AF arrived and you feel good and hopeful. I too felt like that first AF was an end too that chapter and a new beginning. I like using opks, I have only used them twice, the cycle I got pregnant with my son and my last cycle. They seem to work for me so far. I only use opks and just keep an eye out for CM but was temping when we tried for my son. Not practical now as he still wakes here and there through the night sometimes. I will be using opks again this cycle. what CD are you? We might be similar this time (although I ovulate late) xx

Kiki, glad you were able to get some reassurance. I can imagine PAL is a shit show of anxiety inducing moments! Xx

AFM, CD5, AF continues but not overly heavy anymore, should be gone in a day or two. Then will get back on the horse so to speak.


----------



## 2Baby2

Chicky today is cd 1 I’m pretty irregular but ***fingers crossed*** for BFP!!


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## lesondemavie

Busy short work week but popping on just to say that jealousy is so hard! I think I need to figure out a better way to cope with it.


----------



## MrsFruitie

Does anyone on this thread have a retroverted uterus? Or know anything about?

Reading back in my discharge notes and it says ‘retroverted billy uterus’

Hoping it won’t cause pregnancy issues when we catch on again (hopefully)


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hi everyone,

Just popping by to say hello- Disney trip has gone really well it's nearly time to go home- dreading going back to work though!

Congratulations Kiki! Hope everything continues to go well for you. So lovely to see your bfp! 

Mrs Fruity- I was told I have a retroverted uterus too. First when I had a smear test and then when I had the scan a few weeks ago. They said it doesn't cause any issues at all, just makes scanning more difficult. Apparently we would feel more period pain/cramps in the lower back too. Which is definetly true for me.

Hope everyone is doing Ok. Thinking of you all xx


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## Chickybaby

2baby2, we might be in our tww at a similar time then. Fingers crossed for us both.

Lesonde, let us know if you find a way to cope with jealousy! Has turned me into a not very nice person far too many times. Not proud of the way jealousy can make me act that's for sure.

MrsFruitie, I don't no anything about it sorry. I was told once that my uterus tilts outwards, but after a quick google that looks almost 'normal' maybe mine does more so, I don't know? I showed super early with my son and thought that must have been a contributing factor.

Yellowmoon, glad to hear your trip has been great, a welcome distraction I'm sure. Hope the return to work isn't too bad.

Happy thanksgiving to you ladies who celebrate!


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## Sallyanne81

Happy thanksgiving to whoever is celebrating today from across the pond!

I was going to ask about the OPKs too, I have bought some cheap ones off the internet I'm CD 15 it's still coming up negative. I guess I just keep doing them until I get a positive, or maybe I won't ovulate this month. I am a bit split on using them, I think I don't need them as doing the BD regularly isn't a problem for us and my cycle is normally regular. But, I think I will do it for a few months to see if I am actually ovulating regularly and roughly when.


----------



## LadyStardust4

Hello all!

So sorry for the lack of updates. I haven't been receiving the notifications in the top right hand corner so I thought nobody had posted! I did wonder why everybody had gone so quiet haha.

It's been a couple of weeks since I posted so I am just catching up with everybody so I apologise if I miss anybody out but here goes...

Kiki - congratulations!! I am so pleased to hear a success story in here and I hope we start to see more soon. I can totally understand your reservations and not wanting to get ahead of yourself but just enjoy each day as it comes. I lost mine at nearly 13 weeks but I still cherish the memories I made being pregnant. It's important to stay positive :) 

2Baby2 - I can't believe your colleague confided in you about such a insensitive topic having known what you have been through. It is infuriating seeing other people being so flippant about conceiving isn't it. Doesn't seem fair when other people accidentally get pregnant and would consider going through what we went through BY CHOICE. We ladies are always here for you if you need to talk. Also pleased to hear that AF has returned and you can start thinking about the future! 

Lesondemavie - your Macarons look delightful! Baking can be so therapeutic and calming. When I was off work for three weeks after my loss, I started cross stitching and made myself a little box. Each side had a different design; a panda, a fox, a sunflower, a cactus, some hearts and a flower. I finished the little project a day or two before I went back to work and I felt like it gave me some purpose and time to reflect. 

Chickybaby - Sounds like it is all go for you at the moment! Relaxing about TTC and concentrating on the present is the best way to get through this. I am adopting a similar head space at the moment and have decided to stop using OPKs and getting obsessed with timing sex. I am just trying to have faith that it will happen when my body is ready to hold onto a pregnancy for the whole 9 months. I can't lie though, I am 30 in February and trying for my first baby so the clock is ticking a bit. 

Weebles - The emotions can creep up unexpected. I go through phases of feeling totally on top of my mental health and feeling positive and the next thing I am crying my eyes out in the Tesco car park. It's a journey and nobody really understands that you don't just 'get over it'.

Shorty88 - A break from TTC and allowing yourself to grieve a little longer might be really healing for you. Why not try taking the label of TTC away from your relationship and just go along with the flow for a while? 

MrsFrutie - You are spot on! We are super strong and your message made me smile :) 

AFM - Cycle day 10 - not particularly fussed about testing OPKs or HCG this month. It's too much for me and I just need to be more casual about this or I will go crazy. I've decided not to do any more pregnancy tests unless I am 2 days late for AF. Wish me luck! 

xx


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## 2Baby2

Well AF has come and gone, it was surprisingly light which makes me nervous that I won’t get a sticky Bean this month. I’m not sure why, just my doubts creeping in I guess. 

I’ve been so exhausted lately and my LO was been staying up really late, like 10:30! (I wake up at 5 so I try to be in bed by 830/9) I’ve thinking to my self I’m gonna have to start drinking coffee at dinner so I can stay awake to BD lol


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## Chickybaby

Ladystardust, I haven't been getting notifications either, its annoying. Good luck this month, I hope taking a more relaxed approach makes you feel more calm at the very least and hopefully gets you a BFP 

2baby2, I always worry when my AF changes things up on me too! Last bleed was a bit odd for me too, not much cramping and quite mucousy.. Sorry so gross! Sorry you are so exhausted, I think being tired is my constant state at this point, my LO has never been a great sleeper and has been joining us in bed around 3-4 most mornings lately. Made it through too after 6 this morning though so that was great! Good luck with finding the energy to BD. 

Sallyanne, that's great that you have an active sex life so missing ovulation shouldn't be a problem! I mainly use opks to confirm ovulation is happening (I know they don't actually do that but seem to work for me so far) we BD every other day so shouldn't miss it either but try to up our game once the opk turns positive.

AFM, started our sex marathon last night, I find that first time after AF awful each month, I get so scared and nervous for what we are opening ourselves up to again, the pain of not getting pregnant and the fear of getting pregnant. Things get better quickly from here though and I will start to get excited. Trying to clean up my eating (again) starting tomorrow, stupid time of the year for it unfortunately but will do my best! Will start opks today maybe, its too early really (cd9) but I get nervous I will miss it, silly when I haven't ovulated before day 20ish in ages. Maybe I'll leave it till tomorrow...


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## Weebles

I hope those who celebrate had a wonderful thanksgiving.

mrs frutie. I don't know much about a retroverted uterus but I was curious. I didn't find much out, just that it can cause a different sort of cramping. It doesn't seem to cause any issues, it's just a normal variation.

Yellow moon, I'm glad you had a great vacation. I'd love to go to Disney sometime in the next few years. My DH has never been.

Sallyanne, I've mentioned it before but opks never worked for me. if they work for you that's great but if they don't it's nothing to stress about either! I definently ovulate and never got a true positive.

Ladystardust, I don't get notifications for this thread either for some reason. I still don't quite understand the new layout or host. I read up on it daily even if I'm not posting though. Hope all is well.

2baby2, I think the first af is usually pretty wonky. I don't think it will make a difference in your chances. Your lining usually builds up during the leutal phase so it doesn't tell you your chances for this new cycle you're in.

Chickybaby, haha, fertile window = sex marathon for us too. I don't start feeling excited until afterwards but at least the disappointment of af is over by then. 

AFM, I'm cd 16. I usually ovulate around cd16-18. Hopefully we get a chance to bd tonight because something that's never happened to me before happened today.. ovulation spotting! I've read that hormones can be higher after a mc and also that higher hormones correlate with the spotting so I hope it's a good sign. If this month doesn't pan out I've already checked out next month and my next fertile week is around xmas, another good time work schedule wise. I just don't want to be ttc for a year again. I'm getting old. This is my last month to have a baby at 36.


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## lesondemavie

I think I’m having a chemical :(. Guess time will tell.


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## kiki1234

Fingers crossed for you Les. :hugs:


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## Weebles

Oh no lesonde, I hope that's not the case. ::hugs::


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## 2Baby2

Oh no lesonde :hug::hug:


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## lesondemavie

I’m sorry, I should clarify. A second line should be a good thing but it’s pretty faint and it’s 12 DPO and out of 4 pregnancies I’ve never had such a late faint line. My brain just automatically jumped to oh of course this is another CP. In reality, I just have to take a deep breath and see what happens. It just doesn’t feel like a good sign.

Will keep you all posted. Hoping for earlier, clearer BFPs soon for everyone here <3


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## Shorty88

Hi ladies
I don't seem to be getting notifications for this thread..

After my mmc in Aug i have got what I hope is my BFP..i burst out crying I never thought I was going to see these lines again (Very bad flare up of endo that I was going to be getting another lap)

I think I am 10dpo af due thur/Friday 

Please be a sticky bean 

I have never been more nervous in all my life


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## Weebles

Hmm, lesonde, that sounds like it's good news! Congrats!

I see a faint line shorty! 

Afm.. it's likely the last day of my fertile window. I hope DD lets me put her down for a nap so we can BD one last time. Crossing my fingers now and for the next two weeks.


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## LadyStardust4

LesondeMavie - I can understand why you are not letting yourself get excited at your faint positive but I'm really hoping it's a good one! Maybe take some cheap tests daily so you can see if the line is getting darker?

Shorty - So pleased for you! Congratulations :) x


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## Chickybaby

Congratulations shorty and lesonde! 

Weebles, I've had ovulation spotting since having my son. So weird how things can just change like that. It's nice having confirmation that ovulation is happening though. Hope this month is it for you. 

AFM, CD10 so just waiting. Trying to relax and not think too much about it but we all know how easy that is... Have a family friend who gets 'feelings' about things say I'm going to be pregnant by Christmas. So annoying just keep that to yourself I don't find it helpful.


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## Chickybaby

Hi girls. 

Feeling a bit shitty. So sick of this rollercoaster of emotions. I feel worse now than I did a month ago. I'm back to crying most nights. Argh I thought I was making progress, I think AF hit me harder than I ever could have thought, to be honest, I thought I would get pregnant just like that. I was assuming that I would be 'x' weeks pregnant by Christmas etc. And now I'm not. Its emotionally exhausting. I feel utterly alone again and just sad, I just want to hold my baby. I am having trouble moving past where I 'should' be. We should no the sex by now and I should be feeling big movements now, picking a name... These thoughts are so unhelpful but I just feel broken. I'm so scared of how much more broken I am going to get month after month. 

Its our third wedding anniversary tomorrow. All I can feel is upset that our family is missing that piece it should have. 

Sorry for the rambly unload of thoughts.

I've had one too many wines for the first time since I can't remember when and I needed to get it out, I know you ladies will understand some of it xx


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## LadyStardust4

Big hugs Chickybaby. 

It's stormy now but the sunshine will follow... I promise :)


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## lesondemavie

Oh Chicky :hugs: I think of grief more like an ocean. It ebbs and flows. One moment you’re on the shore enjoying the sand between your toes, and then the next a big wave crashes over you. It’s too powerful of a force to ever really conquer. Instead you learn to live with it. You figure out how to build a new home for your heart there on the shore, and you learn how to have less and less of that home wash away with the big waves each time.


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## MrsFruitie

Don’t think we have caught on this cycle. 9dpo and no signs. When I caught in before my loss, I had implantation pain and bleed at 9dpo... 

AF due mon 3rd so guess we will find out then.


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## Chickybaby

Thanks girls. 

On a lighter note. I put our Christmas tree up yesterday. Its already been pulled over three times and my boy is currently trying to kick it hahaha.


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## Weebles

Chickybaby, ttc sucks. ttc after a loss sucks even more. Hoping and grieving makes for a shitty rollercoaster. Lesonde said it really well. I think the waves come because it's impossible to deal with the entire ocean all at once. 

DH and I are bd'd out for this cycle. It's a little weird for me not temping but I'm trying to be hopefull and at the same time not get my hopes up about it one way or another. It's the tww for me.


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## lesondemavie

This is a chemical. Another lesson in trusting my gut. On to enjoying the rest of the holidays without the stress of first tri or ttc.


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## kiki1234

Les: I'm so sorry. Enjoy your holidays with sweet C - hug your sweet babe!


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## 2Baby2

Les- I’m so sorry :(


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## Yellowmoon

I’m so sorry, Les.

Thinking of you xx


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## LadyStardust4

Oh Les, I am really sorry to hear that. Big hugs to you and we're here if you need to vent xx


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## Chickybaby

Sorry Les, sending hugs. Xx


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## Weebles

I'm so sorry lesonde


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## MrsFruitie

I’m so sorry Les. Thinking of you and sending lots of love x


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## Sallyanne81

So sorry Les, thinking of you. 

TTC again is so hard, you want to feel positive but you feel like you need to protect yourself.


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## 2Baby2

So I’m coming up on my fertile window (today or tomorrow depending on the app) i “should” O on the 3rd. I bought OPKS took a few early, because I’m super irregular but whatever lol 

My husband says he has a “good feeling” but who’s know! I just want to fast forward to being able to POAS! I think I’ve felt very possible emotion over the last few days. 

To add to everything I have bronchitis, probably why I was so exhausted lately, so I’m not gonna lie I’m pretty pathetic lately


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## Chickybaby

Good luck 2baby2. Men and their 'goof' feelings hahah. Mine always says stuff like that too. He asked what I want for Christmas last night and I said a baby, he just said well yeah you'll get that. Hopefully their right! 

CD14 here, ovulation pains and EWCM but negative opk so far. Maybe over the next few days. Fully weaned my boy over the past few days. Bitter sweet for sure, he's growing up too fast. 

Can feel hope creeping in again... Hope to ovulate in the next week so we are either pregnant or not by Christmas and can move on either way. Hate the way TTC pushes time forward like that, always thinking about when test date will be or next AF or ovulation and resulting due date etc. Blah. 

Hope the rest of you are well xxx


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## Yellowmoon

Hi ladies I have a question...Hoping you can help me out because I'm feeling a little stressed...

So my midwife told me to wait for AF before trying again, but whilst we were on holiday my husband and I kind of omitted using a condom :shock:

I have no idea if I ovulated or anything like that, I don't use tests or charts or anything. But if we get pregnant from this, does it make it more likely that I will miscarry again? I'm really frightened. We were just in the moment and now I'm having regrets! I don't even know when AF will arrive. So I feel in a horrible limbo. 

P.s get well soon baby2 and good luck! Good luck to you as well Chicky, I'm sure you'll have a lovely Christmas with your boy either way :) I often have to tell myself off for wishing time away- it's important to appreciate life and what we have in every moment. [-o&lt;


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## lesondemavie

Yellow some studies show an increased rate of miscarriage in the first few months after a miscarriage, but it’s slight and other studies don’t show this effect so you’ll have different doctor’s say different things. There’s so much that’s unknown and that we don’t control. You’ll just have to wait and see.


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## Chickybaby

Yellowmoon try not too worry, what's done is done. I was told to wait one cycle just to make sure my body is back to 'normal' and build iron etc back up. However this was my doctors advice but the gyn I saw at the hospital said I didn't have to wait at all. Trust your body, xx


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## Weebles

2baby2- hope you feel better soon and hope you hubby is right about that feeling too!

chickybaby- I know our LO'a are around the same age and weaning is not too far off for me too. I'm looking forward to it but will also miss it a lot too. I imagine it's tough. 

Yellowmoon-hubs and I didn't wait until after my cycle to start ttc either. I kind of freaked out with worry too but looking back conceiving was highly unlikely anyway because I still had hcg. What's done is done but I personally don't believe it's a cause for concern. If your body wasn't ready to conceive again it wouldn't release an egg. 

Afm, almost half way through the tww now. According to ff by tracking my cycle dates only I should be late on 12/9. But I can't stop worrying about how much weight I've gained. If we don't get a bfp I'm going on a major diet, I can't deal. Ever since I mc I've just been filling the void with food but I really want to be at a healthy starting point next time I get pregnant


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## Chickybaby

Weebles he's done really well, we've been down to only bedtime for over a month but were out the other night so Nana and grandad put him down without boob and the next night he was fine. He's asked for it a couple of times but when I say no were going to bed bow he is OK. Such a hard decision to make and I'm not even sure o was one hundred percent ready but now its done I feel OK about it. Just feels like he's not my baby anymore! I hear you on the weight gain, its been a constant struggle for me these past few months. Have started eating better bit still not great. Having a lot more good food though, as well as some bad. Its tough this time of the year we have three birthdays then Christmas etc and have had family visiting so have had lots of dinners out with nibbles before and deserts. I wanted to be healthier before getting pregnant and much healthier during pregnancy this time, had started eating really well and exercising before my last pregnancy but that all went out the door with how quickly it happened and with the loss it all just turned to shit. Good luck this month, will you test early?

AFM, CD16 negative opk. Starting to annoy me! Was CD18 last month so still time but just frustrating. I think I naturally have a longer cycle and it sucks when ttc. Just hope it happens in the next week bit need to relax about it all!


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## LadyStardust4

Guess who’s back at the symptom spotting? ‍♀️ I really annoy myself because I set myself up for disappointment every single time.

Cycle day 19 of 28 day cycle - didn’t track ovulation this month but have had three separate instances of EWCM which is new for me... 

Hope everybody had a nice weekend x


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## 2Baby2

This is my first time using OPKS and I’m sooo confused are they supposed to get progressively darker closer to ovulation or just all of a sudden one day BAM super dark line....I bough the cheapy dollar store ones and I take it relatively the same time everyday I’m cd 13 (like I’ve said before I’m fairly irregular) but all the test have been suppeeeerrr faint so idk....I’m new to this


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## Chickybaby

2baby2 it carries for everyone and can even vary with brand. Some women go from barely a line to blazing, some have progression. I've had both but haven't used them for many cycles. Some women surge longer than others so its kind of a wait and see with them unfortunately! Look out for other signs too and don't rely on them too much. Good luck! 

Ladystardust, impossible not to symptom spot I find haha. I've been convinced I was pregnant so many times and was only right once! With our MC I didn't think I was so the positive test was a massive shock. Hope the different symptoms mean something for you this time though. Fingers crossed!


----------



## MrsFruitie

Hi Ladies, 

Driving myself mad with symptom spotting today even though had a negative test yesterday... 

Due on AF today but no signs of her yet. 

At 4dpo I had extreme fatigue to the point I was asleep by 7pm and slept through. This only ever happened at the same point previous pregnancy. 
14dpo and 15dpo (today) insomnia (slept 2 hours max) cramps and pinching, acne, fatigue, white watery yet creamy CM... 

Wondering if AF will hit or I’ve lucked out...
I think I’ve got my hopes up too much. 
May have a breakdown!


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## Sketcherboo

Hi. I hope you don't mind me jumping in this thread but I could really do. With some support. I had my first appointment for my first pregnancy on 4th October to be told there was no heartbeat. The baby measured only one day smaller than it should have done. I had a d&c on the 12th October and my first AF on 5th November. I'm now 11dpo and freaking out as to whether we have conceived or not. Before the miscarriage my cycles were 27/28 days. Today is day 29 and no AF and a BFN. I feel like an emotional wreck. My temps have been going up each day and other signs keep making me think maybe I am but the BFN just crushed me and made me think maybe it's all in my head.


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## Sallyanne81

Yellowmoon - my gyn told me I could try again straight away and that I didn't have to wait a cycle so I wouldn't worry.

My OPKs did finally show a positive on CD16, so I'm now half way through my 2 week wait too, I want to test already but it's too early I hate the waiting, I'm trying not to symptom spot all the time like I did before, I convinced myself every month that I was pregnant and then AF appeared.


----------



## Weebles

Chickybaby- I learned when I was ttc my DD that testing early was a waste of money. Even with a frer I didn't get a positive until I was a day late. I really wish I could get an early bfp but I think I'm a late implanter. I'm just going to wait it out and try to keep my mind on other things. Im glad weaning was relatively easy, that's what I hope for DD. 

I really got myself in a bad place last month symptom spotting and thinking I could be pregnant. Only to realize I was still just feeling the hormones left over from my mc. Of course I felt pregnant. So I'm just trying to block those thoughts off.. Or at least not focus on them.


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## MrsFruitie

Spoke too soon. The witch AF arrived. 
May cry. I need to stop symptom spotting


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## Yellowmoon

Thanks for all your responses guys, they really made me feel better, but AF arrived today anyway so all is well. I bought some OPKs today to try them out, never used them before. Thought it could be useful to see if everything is working after the MC. This will be my first cycle actively trying so I'm feeling positive. Going to eat loads of asparagus, apparently that helps...plus I really like it. Haha.

I don't know what to suggest for the everyone trying not to symptom spot. It's really hard...maybe we can all jump on the health bandwagon together and try and focus on that instead. im going to really try and not eat Mc Donald's. It's really hard because there is one just up the road from me and I get back from work hungry most of the time after a long commute :-({|=

Welcome Sketcherboo, so sorry you're here, but we are a good support for each other - fingers crossed for you.

Mrs Frutie- so sorry it didn't happen for you this month. But we have synced up on the exact same day! How weird. Let's hope we get our rainbow baby at the same time- this will be your first too right? That would be so cool! 

Thinking of you all as always xx


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## MrsFruitie

Hi yellow moon, 
Yes it’ll be my first when we do catch on. Fingers crossed we catch on together next cycle! 
AF pains are absolute killer this evening. I think even though I had a light AF last cycle after MC in sept, this is my first big AF. The pains a horrible reminder of the MC to me. Feeling very down. Cannot give up hope though. 
The insomnia isn’t helping


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## Chickybaby

Hi girls,

MrsFruitie, sorry to hear the witch got you, cry if you need to. Have some wine eat some chocolate, us women are strong and resilient. No doubt you will be able to pick yourself back up and jump back in (jump autocorrected to hump, had a little giggle over that one... Not wrong!). Hope the cramps ease up and you are able to get some sleep. Xx

Sketcherboo, you are so welcome to join, sorry to hear about your loss. I think most women have pretty messy cycles post MC, mine are all over the show although that may be my norm. I have no idea anymore. I hope you either get AF or a BFP soon xx

Sallyanne, good luck this cycle let us know how things work out xx

Weebles, its so interesting how different each women is. I have gotten bfps around CD 12 each time bit don't test earlier. With my MC it was blazing so think I would have gotten one early with that but who knows. I already want to test and I haven't even ovulated... Blah o hate being back in this head space. Fingers crossed for you xx

Yellowmoon, glad AF showed so you can get started on a fresh cycle. Focusing on health is a great idea. I am finding I tough to get motivated. It has rained for the past week so been stuck inside, really want to get back into walking! I'm a sucker for a McDonalds cheese burger, thankfully there's none too close. My problem is sweet stuff! Trying to reign it in though good luck xx

No change here will do an opk later. Hope something changes soon, a lot less pain this month so hoping that's a good sign that things are settling down... Hope so.


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## lesondemavie

Welcome sketcher and sorry about AF Fruitie and yellow. AF actually started for me today too, but I knew it was coming and I’m relieved I can move on from the CP quickly.

I do not symptom spot at all anymore. After 5 pregnancies (only 1 live birth), I’ve realized that I don’t ever get pregnancy symptoms until after my bfp (which makes sense since they’re caused by hcg). All the other stuff that used to make me think maybe has happened on both bfn and bfp cycles. I test early with ICs and usually get a + around 9/10 dpo. I usually just consider the first week of the tww as a nice break from ttc and then start testing. If it’s a bfn I know it’s early and I can set it aside until the next day. By 10/11 dpo, if it’s still a bfn, I start processing and moving on so by the time AF hits and my hormones crash I’m not too bad off.

Health is such a good focus. I don’t eat beef, but the breakfast sandwich with salsa is definitely a weakness of mine. I’m better at skipping it if I eat at home. I tried to grab a breakfast sandwich from Panera today but I was 3 minutes late :haha:. 

Chicky - I cut my sugar cravings by keeping fruit and dark chocolate on hand. One square after dinner helps scratch the itch, and fruit is a better balanced sweet with fiber. I also switched to flavored sparkling water to cut out juices and sweet drinks. I’ll still sometimes keep Pom juice on hand but mix it with sparkling water. There are still days I want more, but it’s far less.


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## Chickybaby

Thanks for the tips lesonde, I have been eating strawberries after dinner which helps! We eat with my son at 5.30ish before he goes to bed so I'm hungry again by 8, fruit helping to full that void for sure. I have never been into sweet drinks so am lucky with that, focusing on uping my fluid intake at the moment with green smoothies in the morning and plenty of water. The worst thing I drink would be wine... Not buying it at the moment though so only have a glass or two when we go out. My big issue is mid morning and late afternoon, often sneak a snack during nap time but I've done it all before and can do it again! Should make some Bliss balls, they're not low cal at all but at least its a treat with good fats etc. I know that once I get into the groove it will be easy, the less sugar you have the less you want, just the transition that's tough! Do you have any baking planned for Christmas? After those thanksgiving macarons I can't wait to see what you will come up with :)

Opk was darker, then I took another late afternoon which was lighter. At this rate I will run out by the end of this cycle! You ladies who use opks. Do you wait for a decent hold? Or just do one when you need a wee?


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## Sallyanne81

Good luck for the next cycles for those who have had the witch arrive. Don't give up!! 

My AF is due in 5/6 days. To be honest I am not really having many symptoms to spot at the moment so that's helping a bit.

I think it's normal if you want something so bad to look for the signs, but then it makes the disappointment so much worse when AF does arrive, I think it's a good idea Yellowmoon to try and focus on something else like health for us and our rainbow babies. Easier said than done though ha ha :) !!

Yellowmoon if you eat loads of asparagus don't panic it can make your wee smell really funny!


----------



## Yellowmoon

Glad you’re feeling less pain Chicky- sending you positive vibes.

I nearly caved and went to Mcdondalds today but my husband saved me. He’s trying to be good too. I’ve been a crazy hormone lady this past week- it must have been hard for him to deny me food. But I’m glad he did (I wasn’t at the time) I should probably go give him a cuddle haha 

I’m glad you’re feeling relieved Les- Hopefully this next cycle will be a good one for everyone. 

In the meantime we can have Chrismas (or whatever you’re celebrating)to distract us. I have my work party on Thursday. The theme is Disco glamour and I got some nice new shoes for it. I’ll be drinking champagne too. Wooo!


----------



## MrsFruitie

I’m having a really bizarre AF this month and I’m finding it quite upsetting. I was due on yesterday and after dull craps all day, had a brown one off bleed at about 4pm yesterday afternoon. Then I’ve had a bit of brown when going toilet a few times but period hasn’t kicked in properly. The worst thing is I have constant full cramps which I don’t usually get. Not painful, I’m just aware of them. They’re upsetting as reminding me of feeling of lost pregnancy and the cramps after D&C. Maybe I’m being too sensitive due to AF hormones. It’s not an implant billed as now 16dpo. I just feel like a mess. This is my second AF since MC and last one was normal for me. 
Feeling very sad and deflated (and crampy)


----------



## Chickybaby

CD18 opk negative... I hate TTC.

Trying to remind myself that I didn't get a positive till CD 20 with my son. Blah. Having flash backs to the 50+ day cycles I had while TTC him sigh.

Sallyanne, good luck! 

Yellowmoon, glad hubby is helping with the clean eating, I ate a pack of biscuits on the way home from the supermarket... Oops.... Haha definitely glad to have Christmas as a distraction. So looking forward to it.

MrsFruitie sorry for the discomfort you are in, no advice here but maybe call your doctor if it continues and doesn't turn into full flow? Sorry you feel so awful, I found the first AF a relief as it meant we could move on but my second was devastating for me, we had tried as hard as we could and I wasn't pregnant. Thinking of you xx

I hate what TTC does to me. Even more so after our loss. I turn in to such a jealous horrible bitch. It consumes all my thoughts and I am on edge around everyone. If someone isn't drinking my heart sinks. My SIL who has a three month old (and 17 month old) was saying on Instagram the other day that her baby is so easy he is going to trick her into having another and how she'd love to have 3 close together.. All I could think was great she'll probably be pregnant before me...


----------



## Yellowmoon

Fingers crossed for you Sally!

It’s such a big change that happens to our bodies during pregnancy Mrs Frutie. I’m sorry that AF is horrible for you. Hormones are probably making it worse too. I think Chicky is right about speaking to your doctor. Sometimes reassurance can help. I hope you feel better soon <3

I have been quietly explaining to some colleagues where I have been and one really lovely lady said to me ‘conception is a big deal and a massive change in your heart and body and no matter if it’s failed IVF or an early loss it is a big deal’. She said that to me because I was downplaying what had happened and it made me realise that we often feel pressured to move on and be ok about it. But actually, we are permitted to be upset, moan, cry and be jealous! 

I just thought I’d share that with you all.

Chicky- when I was in Disney there were so many pregnant women and people with children (obviously) and I would often judge those ladies and compare myself to them (and hate them). But I tried to remind myself that if I were to have a healthy pregnancy I would want people to be happy for me and not hate me! So I tried to stop myself. Not easy to do, especially when they have those maternity tops on that day ‘mini me’ and an arrow pointing to their bellies [-(


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## LadyStardust4

Well the results are in!

Had a hospital appointment this morning with the consultant from my ultrasound and my baby was a girl with Edwards Syndrome. Not what I was expecting at all as I had previously been advised they thought it was something called amniotic band syndrome which is random/rare (just unlucky)

But now we know it's a chromosomal thing, it has kind of raised more questions than answers for me. We both had blood tests to check if one of us carries extra chromosomal material - which is apparently unlikely but so was the odds of us conceiving a baby with abnormalities so who knows!

Two weeks to find out - by which time AF will have come and gone if I'm not pregnant this cycle.

Don't even know how to feel about trying now. 

I feel blue :(


----------



## lesondemavie

I totally skipped lunch today but had a decaf flat white and lemon loaf from Starbucks :icecream: so worth it. It’s a rare, cold, rainy day here and I was feeling snacky. I’ve also had a bit of a cold. Sore throat and post-nasal drip but functioning fine. I thought it was clearing but then the pnd started back up tonight and my head is pounding. Hopefully it’ll pass soon.

AF’s been odd for me too. Day 1 was heavy with an achy bottom when standing. I don’t normally get that symptom. I guess it’s from pressure. I used to get lower back aches but that’s been gone since June. I usually go for about 5 days of light to moderate, and you’d think after a CP it’d be heavier but by day 3 I barely bled and day 4, today, a liner is enough (probably would have been enough yesterday too). I seriously give up on tracking all of this :shrug:.

I am planning on more macarons Chicky! Probably some peppermint swirl ones with a white chocolate ganache and maybe a gingerbread spice or eggnog version with snowflakes on the top. I saw some cute snowmen and reindeer ideas, but I’m not sure I’ll have the time. This month is pretty busy.

I’ve totally had all of those competitive type thoughts before. After having such a hard time for #1. I thought well it’s always possible #2 will be easier or even though they had babies before me the first time, maybe I won’t have to watch them while I suffer the second time. Yet here I am, watching two of my SILs near the ends of their healthy pregnancies without one of my own to speak of. I have 1 mmc and 1 cp under my belt just like before, but in less time so I guess there’s that at least. At this point, I just have to say f it and accept that it’s not a race...and I say that even though this past weekend I felt relief when I saw DH’s best friend’s wife drinking wine. I guess I’ve just been through so much now that I know it’s out of my hands, that whatever’s going on isn’t something even a specialist can identify and help me fix...ugh I mean us help us fix I really need to stop putting all of the weight of this on my shoulders, and that eventually we might get lucky again.

Ah well, I’ll deal with all of that another day. Plan enjoy the holidays and forget about ttc is in full force for me.


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## Sallyanne81

Yellowmoon - allowing myself to feel those feelings was the only way I finally felt better the last time, everyone was being so positive, I felt like my feelings were being belittled. It was only when I read about other women feeling the same as me, that it was normal to feel like that that I started to come through it.

Les - It's so true we put all the responsibility on us to get pregnant, I get feelings like I have let everyone down, my parents may never be grandparents, my husband may never be a dad and I lay all the responsibility at my door when in reality it's not really in our control.

Well after being hopeful, I started spotting yesterday although it seems to have stopped this morning, so I think AF is on it's way earlier than I thought :( but it's strange I'm only 12 dpo today, so maybe my LP is shorter, I have no idea what's going on! I think this happened last time I kept getting funny AFs with spotting before and I managed to convince myself every time that it was implantation when it wasn't.


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## Weebles

You and I are almost at the exact same point in our cycles sallyanne. I used to convince myself that pre af spotting was implantation bleeding but my track record means I'm probably out. I know for many it's a good sign though so fingers crossed. 

I've been trying really hard not to get my hopes up. DH texted me while he was at work asking about it though so now it's on my mind more. I didn't think he was thinking about it but it's sweet that he is. 

CD 28 for me. I just have to make it through this weekend. It's my weekend to work and I'm also going to be visiting with my niece so at least I will be busy.


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## 2Baby2

Chicky- im cd17 and still negative opk, I’ve never used them before I bought what I thought was enough but I never got anything remotely close to a positive, so I bought some more today and test this evening. All my apps give me different dates so idk when I’m suppose to O 

I’ve felt so crampy the last could days whatever that means 

I’ve beeb reading but not keeping up with posting as much. 

Sorry for everyone who had AF come this month

Assuming I O soon, we will know by Christmas, my husband wants to tell everyone earlier, which is odd bc he wanted to wait til 12weeks with the one that I lost. My friend who has been struggling with pregnancy told me she prefers to tell early because she has more support if she does MC, somehow that seems very negative and positive advice all at once 

My poor husband has now gotten sick too so we are one pathetic couple, it feels almost like a chore that needs to be completed when we BD bc we both want for rest because we’re sick but this is my window so the deed needs to be done (lol)


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## lesondemavie

Chicky I forgot I wanted to mention that using opks in the afternoon is better. Your LH is naturally higher in the morning so testing then can lead to false hope or false positives.

2Baby - I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer. I don’t really feel supported by others when I go through a loss. I feel misunderstood and like others are eager for me to move on before I’m ready. I know plenty of other women who prefer to be public and get that support though. It’s totally up to you, and while I think you should decide with DH I feel like your opinion matters more given all the physical aspects of pregnancy and loss.


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## Chickybaby

Yellowmoon, I agree with your colleague and its great to hear you got that support from her, we are constantly trying to play down things to make other people feel less uncomfortable and its crap, of course it's uncomfortable and upsetting to talk about bit it happened to us and we are allowed to grieve for as long as it takes. There are no rules for these things. Thanks for the insight on your experience with other pregnant women and jealousy etc. I find when its family or friends its really hard to not feel jealous but am trying to realise the things I DO have and focus on the good, feeling hateful and jealous really only hurts me at the end of the day... Well mostly, sometimes a bitchy comment comes out... Woops haha. Hard to find that balance of acknowledging my hurt while not falling into that black hole.

Ladystardust, I'm so sorry results like that will always be a blow, im sure its really hard to hear. I hope the blood test gives you some comfort that this was just 'bad luck' and next time things are likely to be different. I don't know what to say as our story's are very different but I am thinking of you and sending hugs your way. Talk through anything you need to here or take a break whatever works XXX

Lesonde, hope you feel better soon, planes macarons sound amazing. I've never tried them and really must, they were popular hear a while back and were piping up everywhere buy haven't seen them for a while. Such pretty dainty little things though, and those flavours sounds yum! Do share pics. I hate the way our bodies go and change everything on us. I have no idea on my 'normal' its been so long since I haven't had something hormonal going on from the bcp, pregnancy and breastfeeding it's been 14 odd years since I was having 'normal' cycles. I think I'm giving up tracking it all too, its too stressful. The competitive thoughts suck, I hate letting this overtake everything and suck the enjoyment from everything, I wish I could relax and just let things happen if they do but I just don't have it in me. Thanks for the opk advice, I test around 2/3 in the afternoon. Just sometimes a but diluted but my line is always pretty dark so doubt it matters. 

Sallyanne Sorry about the spotting, my LP is only about 12 too, have also been getting spotting the day before too. It sucks, I somehow got my hopes up last cycle with the 11dpo spotting thinking it might have been a late implanter. Made AF more upsetting for sure.

Weebles, good luck. 

2baby2, I'm getting annoyed waiting, with longer/irregular cycles waiting for o is so much worse than the tww I find. Been cramping too, both ovarys twingeing away. Blah, I feel so hormonal my poor body doesn't seem to know how to do anything anymore. Sucks when sex becomes a chore... Remember when you used to have sex because you wanted to not because you were fertile... That was fun. I'm in the same boat i just want to ovulate soon enough to know by Christmas. Hope o happens soon and you get some sessions in!

AFM, cd20 opk... Negative. I am getting so discouraged. Ovary's twingeing, ewcm on and off all month and nothing... We conceived my son around this cycle day but my MC was much later so I'm nervous that the longer it takes the worse my eggs will be... I don't even know if that's a thing but makes me nervous. Will keep peeing and having sex and hope for the best. 

I have bee. Trying to reign in the jealousy, its not helpful and hurts me more than anything else. Trying to let go of the negative thoughts... Trying. Was successful today, an old friend announced her pregnancy so I reached out to her to offer congratulations and chat all things baby. I realised I love talking pregnancy, birth and babies. I want to share these things with my friends and family, the pain and initial shock/jealousy will be there buy I hope I can be more supportive than I have been in the past. It will be a work in process.

Have a big weekend with all of my husband's family, that means lots of time with my 3 month old nephew. I haven't held him yet, we lost our baby the day after he was born and I find it painful to look at home and see him being fussed over by DH's family. It hurts. I'm trying but it hurts. I hope to be able to enjoy the weekend though, my boy loges playing with his cousins so I'm going to focus on what I do have rather than focusing on what I don't have. 

Have a good weekend girls. Xxx


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## lesondemavie

Ugh Chicky. It will hurt. That’s what happened last time when I ugly cried on the floor of a trailer bathroom at a wedding. It was the second time I had met my nephew after my loss. He was just 2 months old and I thought I’d have a 2 week old in my arms by then. I finally worked up the courage to hold him, and I was taking him around showing him all of the lights when a server at the wedding approached me and told me how cute MY baby was and asked how old. I quickly said he’s not mine, and passed him back to his dad. I sat down and tried to compose myself, but then got up and ran to the bathroom before I completely lost it. Whenever I have moments like that I try to remember that it’s just a part of the process and if I’m feeling those things I’m doing ok.

I’m dreading those moments again. I guess they want to induce one SIL on 12/23 bc she has IUGR again, and another has a C-section scheduled for 2/21 (she had a c-sec before and this pregnancy happened less than a year before that one). It’s maybe a bit awful, but I’m thankful I probably won’t have to deal with seeing any of them until May. Hopefully I’ll be in a better place whatever that means this time. I’m not counting on being in second tri with a healthy pregnancy by then though. I thought that I’d have time to be pregnant again last time before meeting my nephew and that didn’t happen but none of that matters now when I get a cute little cuddle and kiss from my daughter. When and how she happened doesn’t matter, all that matters is that she happened and she’s here.


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## promise07

Hello everyone! May I join? I'm Pepper, and I just had my second chemical pregnancy this month. Currently taking progesterone 200mg for 10 days to induce my period because I also had a cancelled injectables cycle back in June that resulted in multiple cysts. Since I got pregnant the doc said the hormones fed the cysts and made them large enough to rupture. Anywho, as sad and stressful as this has been, it's been the only 2 times I've ever been pregnant in the 13 years we've been TTC our first baby.

I've read through a few pages and I am amazed at the strength, resilience and complete awesomeness that you women are. You haven't folded, you haven't crumbled, you haven't given up. You're mothers, wives, friends and sisters. You guys rock, and although I hate that we all have this horrible thing in common, I am so grateful that I get to *know* you!


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## Chickybaby

Lesonde, thank you for making me feel like a normal person. 

Hi pepper! There are some strong resilient women in here for sure. Love these women for providing a place for me to vent and air my thoughts, worries and fears. Having an outlet for that is so helpful, being able to talk to people who can relate has really helped me to grow and accept a few things and not feel so isolated and awful for my sometime ugly thoughts and feelings. Sorry for your losses xxx


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## Weebles

Welcome pepper. I'm so sorry for your losses. I find it helpful to talk with other women who understand, it just helps me feel not so alone. These women are all so supportive.

It's cycle day 30 for me. I think I'm going to test tomorrow morning. No spotting. And I haven't sent my husband out for ice cream either which is my usual sign that AF is on her way. We shall see. I hate ttc.


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## 2Baby2

CD19- still negative on my opk (I hate these things!)


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## Chickybaby

Good luck weebles. Yup, right there with you hating TTC.

2baby2, cd 22 negative opk. Also hating them. Waiting to ovulate sucks.


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## LadyStardust4

Ooh Weebles, how long are your cycles usually? That’s very exciting! 

I am cycle day 26 but I took an early test yesterday (was planning to drink mulled wine) which was negative. So I’m out for this month. So disappointed as really feel like we gave it a good shot! But at the same time - until we receive blood test results (see previous post) maybe it’s better that we don’t get pregnant yet.

Yeah TTC sucks. 

Welcome Pepper. Hope you find some comfort in this group at such a challenging time physically and emotionally


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## Weebles

Lady stardust, For all my tracking I'm not too sure how long they are these days! My app is very confused because I forgot to put it in pregnancy mode so that messed up its algorithm and now it thinks my cycles should be 32 days. Sorry for your early negative but I hope that mulled wine was as delicious as it sounds! 

For those you you using opks.. I hated them so much too and that's why I gave up on them!

Anyway, afm, I tested and it was pretty negative. It was a Top Care early results test which I think is the generic frer only with blue lines. I couldn't find anything at all about it's sensitivity so I guess I'll just wait a bit longer.


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## Chickybaby

Good luck again weebles, hoping for a bfp for you in a few days. 

Opk still negative. I will use the rest up over the next few days and the admit defeat and call it a write off. The testing is taking it's toll and my anxiety is rising with each negative. Keep hoping I've missed my surge and am pregnant but know it's not likely. Looking forward to Christmas with my boy and think we will ntnp over the next few months. I need to take a step back and just have some fun again, allow my body to regulate (hopefully). Too Much of this year has revolved around trying, being pregnant and loss so hoping to spend the last few weeks in a better more relaxed place enjoying it. Wish me luck xxx


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## Weebles

CD 32 and I got a positive on a frer. It's very very faint. 

Both overjoyed and petrified.


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## kiki1234

Weebles: yay!!!! Fingers crossed!


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## 2Baby2

Weebles so excited for you!! *fingers crossed*


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## LadyStardust4

Weebles - congratulations my dear! I’m so happy for you!! 

Really praying for a sticky bean. 

Xxx


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## Chickybaby

Congratulations weebles. Hope this is your rainbow xxx


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## Yellowmoon

Yay Weebles!! I hope this is your rainbow too!! Sending you positive thoughts my friend xx


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## Weebles

Thanks ladies!


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## lesondemavie

Hope this is it for you weebles.

I hate Xmas card announcements. They need to crawl in a hole and die. I now don’t want to open or look at another Xmas card just so don’t have to see another.

This girl had her first son on the EDD of my first lost babe, and now it looks like she’ll have her second just a month after my second Mmc baby was due. Thanks life. That feels great. ‘Tis the season!

I’m actually not feeling the huge wave of emotions like I did the first time. There are no tears. I’m just shut down and walled off...and I may have contemplated ripping up the card.


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## Chickybaby

Uck lesonde, announcements suck but one that comes to your door and into your safe space is particularly cruel. I swear it seems like someone's paying a fucking cruel joke on some of us sometimes. Life's not fair, no one said it was but why does it seem to be more fair for some people than others. Sigh.


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## LadyStardust4

Lesonde, I’ve never heard of people announcing their pregnancies in Christmas cards. I can imagine that was really difficult for you and you have to allow yourself to feel the negative feelings before moving on. Just trust that your time is coming.

AFM cycle day 1. Here we go again....


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## Yellowmoon

I'd have ripped it up Les! They wouldn't know :change:

Hey Kiki! Hope everything is well with you xx


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## Sallyanne81

Congrats Weebles! Wishing you all the best! xx

Welcome to pepper, some really nice words, I really think it helps being around the ladies here for support, it definitely has given me more strength this time around that's for sure!

That card with the baby announcement would have gone straight in the bin! Luckily we don't really do cards here so I am safe from that happening.

I am CD6 and I am feeling OK about it so far...., but I am really looking forward to Christmas, 2 weeks off work, seeing all my family in England, I can't wait!


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## 2Baby2

I use 2 different apps one says I’m 7days away from AF and ones says 8, so technically I can take a FRER in the next few days here. Still negative on the OPKS but I’m kinda writing those off. We’re gonna keep BDing every other day until I get a positive or an AF arrives bc according to this stupid opk I still haven’t O ed yet (hence my hatred for them.) I told myself I won’t use FRER and would just wait until I was actually late but I definitely have a POAS problem lol.


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## FaithHopeLov3

Hi all, jumping in here and thought I would do a quick intro and ask a question.. I have two children, 5 & 2 ...We have had a difficult year of health issues with our daughter and on top of that we miscarried twice in 5 months this year. I have Hashimoto's hypothyroidism but my antibodies are near remission status. My thyroid values are okay ... my issues is that I don't have signs of ovulation like I used to (ovulation pain on one side, EWCM) and doctors here don't look into fertility issues until you lose 3 babies. (Because two lives isn't enough!?) Anyway, I took it upon myself to start BBT charting and of course these two cycles have been awful to chart because I've had two random fevers within 11 days (no other symptoms of illness). One fever went up to 104.7 the other I didn't let get past 102 and I left these off the chart. My question is, how can I tell if I've ovulated? My temps look so erratic. Are OPKs better? Should I try a month of those to see if I am even ovulating?


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## kiki1234

Thanks yellowmoon.! Things have been going well so far. 2 good ultrasounds. Still not ready to fully admit this might work, but getting closer.


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## 2Baby2

I bought some FRER, but I feel like AF is on her way, I’m super crampy and I tend to sweat more before she arrives

Weird how I never got a positive on my opk hopefully I’m wrong 

Ugh....here comes to symptom spotting


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## Chickybaby

2baby2 did your opks change at all? Or same darkness all cycle? They don't work for everyone so fingers crossed you just missed your surge, maybe you had a real short surge in the middle of the night... Who knows! Hope AF stays away and you get your Christmas miracle. 

Faith, sorry to hear of your losses and your daughters health issues, every parents worse nightmare. Doctors here are the same, barely investigate until 3 losses or a full year trying (before 35), its annoying. Can you be pushy and request blood work on cd3 and cd21 (or whenever 7 days past ovulation would be). I just tell my doctor to do those and she does but our healthcare is pretty good and easy here. Opks won't tell you if you've ovulated, they will give you an indication that you have surged and your body is at least trying to ovulate, temping is your best bet for confirmation but it can be frustrating with all the factors that influence it. 

It might just be your body trying to get back to 'normal' if you're having regular predictable cycles I would say that is at least a good sign! Story if that's not much help but that would be my understanding of the mater. Good luck


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## 2Baby2

Omg! After writing them off I just took one tonight and it’s super STRONG opk positive! Yesterday’s was a clear negative so ***fingers crossed*** I didn’t miss it earlier today bc I was too tired to BD last night 

Cd22 and FINALLY a positive OPK!


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## Chickybaby

My opk is still negative. And to add insult to injury my cousins wife just told us she's pregnant. I felt so good this morning about relaxing and enjoying summer and just taking a break and now I feel all tense and angry again. The worse part is the way other people talk to me about pregnancy and babies. I was talking to my SIL the other day who lost her first baby (has 2 children now) and thats one thing that she said she found the hardest was her expectations of how others would act or support her. Her expectations were rarely met leaving you feeling un-supported and misunderstood. I just keep wondering how I'm back here again. Frantically peeing on opks and checking CM, timing sex feeling hateful and jealous. It's so exhausting


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## FaithHopeLov3

Chickybaby said:


> 2baby2 did your opks change at all? Or same darkness all cycle? They don't work for everyone so fingers crossed you just missed your surge, maybe you had a real short surge in the middle of the night... Who knows! Hope AF stays away and you get your Christmas miracle.
> 
> Faith, sorry to hear of your losses and your daughters health issues, every parents worse nightmare. Doctors here are the same, barely investigate until 3 losses or a full year trying (before 35), its annoying. Can you be pushy and request blood work on cd3 and cd21 (or whenever 7 days past ovulation would be). I just tell my doctor to do those and she does but our healthcare is pretty good and easy here. Opks won't tell you if you've ovulated, they will give you an indication that you have surged and your body is at least trying to ovulate, temping is your best bet for confirmation but it can be frustrating with all the factors that influence it.
> 
> It might just be your body trying to get back to 'normal' if you're having regular predictable cycles I would say that is at least a good sign! Story if that's not much help but that would be my understanding of the mater. Good luck

Thank you Chickybaby! That is very helpful. I see my doc on Thursday and I have a rare gem for a GP he will run basically anything I ask of him. I will ask for the requisition. what specifically should I ask for? He did run a bunch of hormones like LH FSH Estradiol and Progesterone but my endocrinologist got angry at him for doing so because he claims those tests are useless and I'm perfectly fine. I'm in Canada btw...


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## FaithHopeLov3

Chickybaby said:


> My opk is still negative. And to add insult to injury my cousins wife just told us she's pregnant. I felt so good this morning about relaxing and enjoying summer and just taking a break and now I feel all tense and angry again. The worse part is the way other people talk to me about pregnancy and babies. I was talking to my SIL the other day who lost her first baby (has 2 children now) and thats one thing that she said she found the hardest was her expectations of how others would act or support her. Her expectations were rarely met leaving you feeling un-supported and misunderstood. I just keep wondering how I'm back here again. Frantically peeing on opks and checking CM, timing sex feeling hateful and jealous. It's so exhausting

Oh I feel for you!!! It is SO difficult to hear of other people getting pregnant and seeing the joyful reactions of family and friends and then trying to muster up some fake expression of excitement for them. I totally agree with your SIL. The comments I received after my first miscarriage stung and the second miscarriage I actually just stopped talking to people about it and had my husband handle most of the first remarks. I do recall before experiencing the losses myself, not understanding a woman's grief nor what to say.. that allowed me to extend a bit more grace and seek support from women who have been there and are sensitive to the freshness of my losses. I pray this is your time!!! Sending you big virtual hugs..


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## Chickybaby

Just ask for your progesterone to be checked post ovulation, they normally call it a CD21 test I think.. Should be 7 days post ovulation. If you talk to him about ways to confirm ovulation hopefully this is what he will suggest. The CD 3 test will measure several hormones just to make sure they're at normal levels. Think I might go in the new year and get these done myself, haven't had my levels done since before having my son! Xxx


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## Chickybaby

Thanks faith! I remind myself constantly too that I have been on the other side and said the wrong things or nothing at all. Some of the stuff people say to you is so bizarre. I couldn't believe it when my in-laws joked and laughed about how my BIL and his wife were going to need s double stroller now they had two kids 3 days after our loss. I was sitting there with our dead baby in my belly thinking 'yea I was researching double strollers last week too'. I love my in-laws and they're so amazing but I'm still a bit bitter about that insensitivity...


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## Sallyanne81

Faith - doctors are always disagreeing with each other, but it sounds like you have a really good GP there, let us know how you get on with the tests.

Chicky - what an insensitive thing to say about the pushchair, I know people are well meaning and don't think, but really!! I find the same with my in-laws they are so excited about my SILs baby coming, my feelings are low on the list of things to consider. The sad thing is my MIL and SIL say they both had miscarriages. My BIL said to me, don't worry about it, if it turns out you can't have children we will love you anyway! WTF?! Well I started crying and my MIL completely ignored me whilst I was crying and pretended nothing was happening. 

The jealousy is difficult, I'm even upset about Meghan Markle! She is all over the news with her baby bump, I think it's because she's the same age as me, literally just got married and pregnant within a couple of months and everything is just perfect.


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## 2Baby2

Sally & Chicky 

I totally agree! It’s so easy to be jealous and envious my SIL is due in March and I’m so jealous that she’ll being holding her little one in a few months and I might not even be pregnant by then :( 

The Meghan Markle comment I have to admit did make me chuckle! But come on she got pregnant in like 2 minutes! Same with Kate a dirty look and bam pregnant I know Kate had problems with morning sickness but I would happily puke every morning if I meant I had a little growing baby! 

End angry rant lol


----------



## FaithHopeLov3

Sallyanne81 said:


> Faith - doctors are always disagreeing with each other, but it sounds like you have a really good GP there, let us know how you get on with the tests.
> 
> Chicky - what an insensitive thing to say about the pushchair, I know people are well meaning and don't think, but really!! I find the same with my in-laws they are so excited about my SILs baby coming, my feelings are low on the list of things to consider. The sad thing is my MIL and SIL say they both had miscarriages. My BIL said to me, don't worry about it, if it turns out you can't have children we will love you anyway! WTF?! Well I started crying and my MIL completely ignored me whilst I was crying and pretended nothing was happening.
> 
> The jealousy is difficult, I'm even upset about Meghan Markle! She is all over the news with her baby bump, I think it's because she's the same age as me, literally just got married and pregnant within a couple of months and everything is just perfect.

Thanks Sallyanne I will be sure to update! You're so right- nearly all docs disagree with each other lol


----------



## FaithHopeLov3

Chickybaby said:


> Thanks faith! I remind myself constantly too that I have been on the other side and said the wrong things or nothing at all. Some of the stuff people say to you is so bizarre. I couldn't believe it when my in-laws joked and laughed about how my BIL and his wife were going to need s double stroller now they had two kids 3 days after our loss. I was sitting there with our dead baby in my belly thinking 'yea I was researching double strollers last week too'. I love my in-laws and they're so amazing but I'm still a bit bitter about that insensitivity...

ugh, that is incredibly insensitive! People just do not think sometimes. After I lost our second baby I had two people tell me I should be grateful for the two living children I do have.:-s As if grieving the loss of my second unborn baby somehow meant I didn't appreciate my two living children or I wasn't being grateful? I just nodded and then became a hermit for a while. BIG hugs to you. I have insensitive inlaws as well.


----------



## Chickybaby

Ahhh thanks girls! Love having you guys here to talk to, makes me feel like less of a crazy bitch! So awful that we can all relate on the insensitive comments and jealous moments but at least we have each other to vent to!

Cd27 here... Negative opk. Blah, my poor body is so all over the show. Never mind. One opk left for tomorrow. Then will just enjoy the remainder of the year and have a good Christmas before reassessing my health and probably seeing my doctor in the new year to get some hormone tests done. Irregular cycles are just soo frustrating. Will do a hpt around Christmas just in case, if bfn as expected then a lot of wine will be consumed... 

Hope you're all well xxx


----------



## Chickybaby

Cd29 took my last opk and it's positive. Finally. Bit nervous about such a late ovulation but we will go for it. Xx


----------



## lesondemavie

Glad you finally know what’s going on this cycle Chicky. That whole experience about other people maybe meaning well but just not getting it is part of why only a few people know what I’ve been through. The only person who really helps is my friend who had a stillborn, but then I worry I don’t know how to support her well. It’s so tough.


Please forgive my MIL rant:

Spoiler
My in-laws are in town and oh boy it’s been a whirlwind as usual. To start I had a deadline for my second job the day they arrived. I told everyone that I needed to finish up that project after dinner thinking they’d entertain C for me. What happens? I’m in the office with my daughter throwing my papers everywhere while they’re all relaxing and drinking wine. I didn’t even have time to ask someone to take her, so I made it work. The papers entertained her until bedtime and I finished my project before midnight. The next morning we have a $200 plumbing bill bc my mil tried to help and forgot we are on septic and don’t use our garbage disposal. She offered to pay, and she means well but ugh! This evening consisted of her shoving photos of her very pregnant daughter in my face and telling me how hard this pregnancy has been for her like that makes it better. You know what’s worse than a tough but otherwise healthy pregnancy? Miscarrying.

I also had to ignore comments about how our daughter is going to be a fat teenager who hates us bc we let her eat pasta and how her daughter’s son tantrums for broccoli. I just can’t even with that. Our daughter eats a wide variety of foods including veggies and she will have a healthy relationship with food and her body unlike my mil and her children (my husband has zero self-control bc she controlled everything for him). So irked at how judgey she is about food off a single night when my husband cooked HER a special meal rather than did our normal.

Final straw tonight, we’re driving home and I use the grinch video to help keep my daughter awake bc she doesn’t transfer well from the car to bed. Well she starts going on about how bad/evil the grinch is and how she doesn’t need to see it and then keeps putting pictures of nature and rain in between my daughter and the phone. First off, my daughter loves the video and I only let her watch it once in a while (she kept shoving grammy’s phone out of the way and getting upset), and second off it’s a story about a change of heart bc in the end the grinch gives everything back and joins the celebration so guess who’s being negative - you dear mil!!! I also don’t like the whole idea that bad things are to be avoided. Bad things will happen like it or not, and it’s far healthier to face them, accept them, and process them in my opinion.

At least we just had an amazing Italian dinner with lots of expensive wine on her :wine:


----------



## MrsFruitie

Having a crappy day today. One of my close friends (who knew about my mmc) told me her bf got her pregnant but she terminated as she wasn’t ready... I have nothing against people doing what’s right for them, but it feels cruel when I would do anything to be pregnant again. And why tell me?! Sucks.


----------



## Chickybaby

Lesonde, can't believe your MIL, what a bitch. Sorry but the comments about your daughter eating pasta are so out of line. Hate when people feel the need to comment on any of your parenting choices. And the photos of your SIL, blah, what is wrong with people, no one cares, its not like she's the first person in the world to be pregnant and have a child. (That's always my thought when I'm told about other people 'difficult' pregnancies... Easy ones too). Interfering grandparents would be pretty annoying, they had their chance to do it their way with their own kids and should just back of, let the parents parent and enjoy the fun bits... Isn't that the whole point. 

Dinner sounds great, I find wine helps most situations! There's a dew people I find more tolerable after a glass or two hahah. 

MrsFruitie, sorry about the crappy day. People can be so self absorbed. 

Xxx


----------



## lesondemavie

Thanks Chicky. Today mostly consisted of her feeding my daughter pancakes with syrup (which made me cringe bc I limit added sugar), calling other parents stupid (loudly and in public), criticizing the way her SIL grandparents, oh and showing me another photo of her pregnant daughter. If only she was capable of using these powers for a little self-reflection! We will have to talk to her about the food stuff before C is old enough to understand. For now though, I just have to survive one more morning.

MrsF I really don’t know why these sorts of things seem to all cluster while we’re grieving. After two MMCs and two CPs with a pregnant SIL and sister who terminated during my first and now two pregnant SILs during my second, I really wish the universe would understand that I don’t need anymore lessons!


----------



## Yellowmoon

There must be something in the water this year. Seems like there are a lot of insensitive souls around!!

A friend of mine just announced her pregnancy yesterday via instagram stories and my counsin (who has a 5 month old) just got engaged. I love my cousin, but I'm so jealous of his fiancé- she gets to live in my home town and she has her baby and is getting married and I'm stuck in a commuter town- far away from everyone and no baby. Their house is so nice and she moans about it all the time. She's only 25...she also moans that it took her 4 months to conceive...#-o she told me about that hardship 3 days after I lost my baby (and I had told them what I was going through). Well it's been 4 months for me since I found out I was pregnant and I'm still not bloody pregnant...AAAHGHHGHGHGHG.

Anyway, that's my rant over. At least we all have each other :xmas12:

In other news I had a positive OPK on CD14 so hopefully I'll have a happy new year.... fingers crossed.

I think hubby is enjoying this time together and it has brought us closer together too- so that's nice.

P.s Les- I love the Grinch. He's not evil- just misunderstood :jo:


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## Chickybaby

Lesonde, haha the pancakes made me laugh, pasta is a no no but pancakes with syrup are fine... Last time my in laws gave my son a McDonald's cheeseburger for lunch. I also cringed as I really try to stay away from processed junk (for him lol) but I pick my battles and that one wasn't worth it, at least they asked me before giving him ice cream for afternoon tea... Haha. Hope you have survived your last morning and are getting back to some nice relaxed pre-Christmas family time!

Yellowmoon, I hate when people try to relate with you and think they understand. I mean 4 whole months... How ever sis she survive. Glad you and hubs have been enjoying quality time together and yay for positive opk! Good luck xx

AFM. Nothing going on here, not sure if I ovulated... No spotting. On and off pains from both ovary's but not a lot. I'm kind of over it, continuing sea every other day and will do a test at some stage, not sure when yet.


----------



## Sallyanne81

Lesonde - I can't believe how insensitive people are! My in-laws are Italian too, i struggle with how direct they are, and apparently everything is only a 'suggestion' they are not telling me what to do! This weekend I walked into the room to find MIL rubbing furiously at SILs bump like a maniac. This was followed by BIL the religious fanatic doing a what seemed like 2 hour grace at the dinner table where he was praying over their unborn baby and about the cruel world it would be entering into, followed by praying over my womb (I was fuming bringing up a sore subject like that at the dinner table!).

Yellowmoon - People really just don't appreciate what they have, BIL & SIL live in a beautiful apartment, stunning views, land with fruit trees and all rent free (it's above her moms) - they are still complaining about it and want to move out ASAP.

I am on CD14 with OPK neg, saw a lady (an acquaintance) who teaches about natural fertility yesterday who basically advised me not to 'try for a baby' as it won't happen, then told me to buy a thermometer and do my BBTs or whatever you call them and she will show me pics of CM after xmas (ooh lovely!) sounds a bit like trying to me!

Good luck everyone! Fingers crossed for BFPs over Xmas and the New Year! :xmas6:


----------



## 2Baby2

Sally I can’t even believe your BIL! I would have been furious/broke down in tears 

I’ve had my fair share of insensitive comments too! Sometimes I’m like seriously I am wearing a t shirt that says please say done horrible about pregnancy to me it wound really brightened my day! 
Rude just rude 

My cousin and godmother to my LO texted me late last night and said to call her bc it was emergency. We’ve had a lot of unfortunate events in our family and my first thought was oh no who died! Nope she saw my Pinterest board titled Number 2 and wanted to know if I was going to announce at Christmas. I didn’t have the energy to tell her about my Mc so I just replied no we’re just trying and I’m just being hopeful. She was perfectly polite but it still brought up old feelings.

So as for now ..I’m in the early days of the tww, I finally I ovulate around cd23 and like POAS addict I am I tested at 4dpo no surprise there negative. I have been having some cramps and twitching probably mostly in my head as it’s way too early. I’ve had the worst luck with health this month and had the stomach flu over the weekend so I’m freaking out about dehydration and how that could effect this cycle (and I had bronchitis earlier this month) I’m worried I’m not healthy enough to get pregnant.


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## Yellowmoon

Sallyanne- The maniac rubbing the tummy made me chuckle. Humans are strange creatures I must say. I hate it when people say it will happen when you ‘don’t try’. It’s impossible to not try! Having any unprotected sex is trying- we’re just keeping ourselves informed about our bodies. jeeezzzz.

Baby2- I don’t think your illnesses would affect you conceiving- but I hope you’re feeling better now. Keep drinking plenty and eating greens and I reckon you’ll still have a good chance. 

Good luck for the 2 week wait ladies. Fingers crossed we get some good news in this thread in the new year :). 

I think I’m going to hold off testing until new year. Want to try and forget about it and enjoy Christmas (easier said than done) 

I hope our other ladies with bfps are doing well too. 

Thinking of everyone as always- so happy to have such understanding and supportive women here. It really is lovely :)


----------



## Yellowmoon

So another friend announced her pregnancy yesterday (seriously, why is everyone pregnant right now). Luckily my best friend who knows her better than I do let me know the news before I was bombarded on social media (she's so nice). Turns out her due date is around when I should have been due. I was fine, I had been warned so I wished her well- and I am genuinely happy for her.

But today she's posted videos of her telling the grandparents the news (this will be her first child) and it really got to me! 

I remembered telling my parents and then i felt like I won't have that excitement again when I tell them if I get pregnant. I feel really sad now. If I get pregnant I don't really want to tell anyone! My parents kept dismissing my last pregnancy by saying in their day they wouldn't have even known, and it's just like a bad period. But I was 10 weeks pregnant, I'd missed two periods. It didn't feel like a bad period, it was horrendous. I'd probably keep it from them until like 20 weeks now... :-({|=

I'm trying to stay positive though and not let these thoughts creep in. It is tough.


----------



## lesondemavie

Ah yellow you don’t need to be positive if that’s not how you’re feeling. Fighting our true emotions just makes things worse.

I was just reading this article with quotes from other people who had miscarried and my head screamed no at everything other than those words that give us permission to feel and grieve. One quote was about being positive for others bc you’ll want them there to celebrate with you, and my answer to that is no. I can wholeheartedly say that if someone, like my best friend who had a stillborn, couldn’t have celebrate my daughter’s pregnancy with me, I would have completely understood. I was just thrilled to be having a healthy pregnancy. I didn’t need others to suffer to enhance my happiness. Hell it was even hard for me to celebrate my pregnancy.

Regarding that last bit though, I remember being so sad that I wouldn’t get to enjoy a full pregnancy without knowing the pain of loss. I felt like so much more than just the baby had been taken from me. It was hard for me to celebrate C’s pregnancy at first, but I did celebrate moments, and I had this wonderful release of emotion after my 20 week anatomy scan when I finally pictured holding my baby. Pregnancy after loss isn’t the same, but it’s wonderful in its own way.

I say that all as I have the recurring thought that I will never have a loss-free journey to a baby, and I’m grieving that dream myself. My summer 2018 baby was that dream, and now it’s gone. So I get both the now and the after. I’m trying to remind myself that once I’m holding a babe in my arms none of this will matter, but ugh it’s so hard to believe you’ll get there in the midst of it.


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## LadyStardust4

Lesonde - Everything you just said resonates with me. I hadn't really given much thought to the fact that I lost my first baby and the effect that will have on potential future pregnancies. I have obviously thought that I will be more nervous/anxious but never actually realised that the chance to experience a full care-free pregnancy has been snatched away.

But you are right, it will be amazing in its own way. 

I have been trying to distract myself from 'trying' too much so haven't been doing opks but I am so tuned into my body now that I know when O is coming. I am due to ovulate on Christmas Eve and BDing will be limited around the holidays as we will be travelling around seeing family. So this month might be a write off. 

I am still waiting for the results from our blood-tests to confirm if either me or my partner are carrying extra chromosomal material or if the baby having Edwards was just a fluke. If one of us is a carrier - it's a 1 in 2 chance of affecting future pregnancies so not sure we would take the risk.

Has anybody given any thought to adoption if TTC doesn't work out?


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## Chickybaby

Hi girls just a quick check in so sorry if I miss anything.

Sallyanne, wow that lady sounds so helpful... (Sarcastic tone). Seriously hate when people say to 'not try' especially followed by comments on how to work out when your fertile.. Hope you ovulate soon xx

2baby2, sorry you had to have that conversation with your cousin, can open the wound for sure. Hope you're hanging in there and feeling better. I also don't think sickness will affect your chances. Good luck xx

Yellowmoon, it really can feel like everyone else is pregnant can't it? I agree with lesonde, feel your feelings. You can be sad for yourself, it doesn't make you a bad person, it doesn't mean your not happy for her, it just means your sad about what happened to you. Glad your friend warned you, what a good chick! And ugh I can relate about the stuff you said about telling your parents but in a slightly different way. My parents weren't that excited when we told them, they were kind of shocked and said a quick congratulations (eventually) buy they didn't seem that excited... I realise they were but the reaction was so different to what it was with our first. I know that after our loss they will most likely be super pleased next time, and that will sting in a whole different way, I will feel sad for my babe that we lost. That the reaction wasn't as big for them. I'm not sure if that makes sense but it feels good to write it down. 

Lesonde, hope your well and looking forward to Christmas with your girl. I can't wait to enjoy it with my boy, he will be so much more into it this year. Can't wait to see pics of your macarons too. Xx

Ladystardust, when do you expect the test results back? Its hard to turn off the 'trying' part of TTC when you've been focused on it for a while. In regards to adoption, haven't thought about it for myself but I have a friend who's sister was unable to have children and after suffering through breast cancer an the eventual removal of her breasts and uterus etc moved on to adoption and they've just adopted there third baby boy. I think its a beautiful gift for both sides. Xx

Good luck girls, hope you are all enjoying the festive season as much as possible.


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## Yellowmoon

Thanks Les, that really helps

Good luck with your results Ladystar- I have had fleeting thoughts about adoption but I personally don’t think it’s for me. I’ve always said I would turn to animals. I’d love to have my own sanctuary for rescued farm animals. I have two cat fur babies and I really think of them as my children. I know it sounds daft but I love them so much! Haha. Not sure if my 2 cents was any help there... 

That makes sense Chicky- I know exactly what you mean :hugs:


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## 2Baby2

Ladies I think this is my month! I just took a FRER with PM urine after 4 hr hold and 2 beautiful lines showed up!! Let’s just pray this little bean sticks!!! 

I ran into the living room to show my husband and just collapsed into him and sobbed....like ugly cried!


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## Chickybaby

Congrats 2baby2, hope this is your rainbow xxx


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## Sallyanne81

Congrats 2baby2!

For those with the BFPs - I was wondering how many cycles it took you to get the BFP again? 

Well I think I got a pos OPK yesterday but not 100% because the last few days the ink was really faint, even on the control, so will just wait and see what the new year brings, i am not convinced this is my month.

I am off to England for xmas so I am going to relax and enjoy myself and try and forget all my woes.
Merry Xmas to you all!! :xmas9:


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## Yellowmoon

Congratulations 2Baby2!!

Hope you have a nice time here in the UK Sallyanne! We do Christmas well I think :)


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## kiki1234

Sallyanne: for this bfp - it took 6 months from my miscarriage, and the 5th cycle we tried. I think a big part of my last miscarriage was my hormones so I think once those were settled down my body was ready. Unfortunately that took a bit for me.

Congrats 2baby!


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## Chickybaby

Hey girls. Hope you are all well. 

We had Christmas with my DH family yesterday which involved being around my 4 month old nephew a lot. I was pretty OK with it for the most part. He was giving me big smiles and seeing my son interacting with him and putting his dummy in for him or passing him a toy melted my heart, I hope I get to make him a big brother one day. The thing I struggled with was watching DH parents with the baby, everyone loves a baby and are so consumed by him, the older kids are old news. But I'm working through it and getting over it.

In other news we are all sick, nasty cough/cold. DS asleep in me now but will wake him soon to GI to the doctors, he's never been this sick before its awful. Such terrible timing!

Christmas Eve today for us so have big night of wrapping presents! Looking forward to tomorrow even though we all feel like crap. 

Merry Christmas girls! Hope you all enjoy the day, we deserve it! Will update on any testing after Christmas time xxx


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## LadyStardust4

Thanks Chicky, have a lovely Christmas! 

X


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## LadyStardust4

Sorry ladies... I know it's Christmas Eve but I really need to rant!! LOL

I've slept on this a couple of nights to make sure I'm not over-reacting and it's still bothering me.

I am in a whatsapp group chat with my partner, his best friend and his best friend's wife. Let's call them Bill and Mavis for anonymity purposes.

My partner and 'Bill' went to school together and OH was Bill's best man at his wedding etc etc. Mavis and I get along but we aren't super close. They came on holiday when I got engaged and they know our history VERY WELL.

So I was disappointed that they chose to announce their pregnancy in the following way...

A video arrived in the group chat and it showed Bill and Mavis's existing four year old son waving a pregnancy test around and touching Mavis's belly exclaiming "mummy's pregnant!". Laughing his little head off he was - so happy. And it was cute. But incredibly insensitive I thought.

Also, she is only 6 weeks pregnant and they have already told their son he is going to be a big brother. How could they be so incredibly careless knowing that we lost ours at 12 weeks and they could have to break his little heart if it isn't a healthy baby?

It's just really wound me up. It's made me not want to see them. Which is awful...

Anyway - Merry Christmas all!! Haha. Thank you all for being a constant source of understanding and a massive congratulations to those that have conceived again. Wishing the rest of us a speedy BFP!


----------



## lesondemavie

Ugh that’s so tough lady! I can only say that they are ignorant of how hard this can be. Good for them, ugh for you.


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## Chickybaby

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I had a great day despite my cold. Still recovering slowly but getting there. 

Ladystardust. Sorry about the video, people suck! Totally understand not wanting to see them. Not awful at all, feel some anger and pain, that's OK. 

AFM, I tested Christmas day... BFN as expected. Will wait it out and test again around new years if no period by then. Maybe I never ovulated at all, who knows


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## Yellowmoon

Hi everyone- hope you all had a lovely Christmas 

Glad you did Chicky and that you’re on the mend. Hope AF doesn’t arrive and you get your bfp. 

Lady- that video sounds awful! I’m so over all the Xmas announcements now. I swear there’s some kind of baby boom goin on. 

I caved and tested today- got bfn. I think I’m 10 dpo. Not sure if I will get a positive this month. I’ll probably keep testing til AF though. I get a bit addicted LOL. I do have a very sore left boob. Not sure if pms. Who can tell anyway. Not sure why I torture myself! 

Xx


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## Chickybaby

And I'm spotting, cd1 around the corner. What a drag. LP seems a bit short these days. DH very disappointed. He really thought it would happen quickly. Oh well.

Will have a few days to wallow and chill then come Jan 1st start focusing on my health and fitness so I can be a healthy mum for my boy. I will try to focus on the things I can control and continue to enjoy this time as a family of 3. 

I'm 30 in a few weeks and really wanted to be pregnant by then, I had a big cry last night missing our baby. This journey is a fricken shit show sometimes. Buy alas I will pick up the pieces and move on. 

Good luck yellow moon. Hope your tests turn positive soon!


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## Yellowmoon

Oh Chicky I’m sorry :( it really is a shit show.


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## LadyStardust4

Sorry Chicky. It really is hard sometimes but you’re doing the best thing by concentrating on yourself and making sure you’re healthy and happy. That will improve your chances of conceiving, I’m sure! 

Yellowmoon, sorry about your early negative but it’s not over until aunt flow arrives so fingers crossed! And if it isn’t this month, just stay positive :)

I’m about cycle day 18 and we’ve BD on 8, 13, 14 and 18. Today was because my EWCM made a reappearance which is happening a lot lately. Seem to get it two or three times per cycle.

I’ve got a trip to New York planned for my 30th in February which coincides with when I would have been due so I’m just trying to stay positive and excited about the trip and not dwell on the loss. 

Hope everybody had a lovely Christmas x


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## Chickybaby

Thanks girls.

Just to add to the shit show AF never came... I feel crampy but no sign. I am not one hundred percent sure I ovulated after my positive opk as I didn't get any spotting (which I've had every cycle since my son). So maybe I'm only just ovulating? Squeezed in a quick session today but likely too late but just had to try in case. Will see what happens, if no full flow starts I will test in a few days, if negative and no AF then likely I only just ovulated and this will be the longest cycle in history... 

I will keep you girls updated. 

Lady stardust trip to NY sounds great! A great way to focus on the good hopefully. My DH is planning a trip for my birthday too, at least I have that to look forward too. I really can t believe I'm almost 30, where has the time gone. 

Ive been getting multiple patches of EWCM too, I have trouble telling what's CM and what's left over from the frequent sex though to be honest! 

Good luck girls, xxx


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## Yellowmoon

Chicky- Not knowing what’s going on is the worst! Hope you get some answers soon.

Lady- I’m sure your trip will be a welcome distraction- the best thing to do is try and enjoy ourselves and not get bogged down with TTC etc. Easier said than done, mind 8-[ 

AF is due today for me and got another bfn on a Superdrug test this morning. Been crampy for a few days and sore boobs- I reckon she will come pretty soon. Just want it to hurry up now so I can move on and start again. I’m sleeping terribly at the moment too, maybe because I keep thinking about testing in the mornings. 

Next cycle I’m going to try really hard not to test early and try and forget about the 2ww coz this exhausting!


----------



## Chickybaby

Sorry about the BFN yellowmoon. They suck! 

Well holly shit. My spotting stopped so I tested and BFP. I'm so scared now. And feel so bad for having a few drinks the past few days. I really thought the spotting was AF beginning. I've never had implantation bleeding before..


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## Yellowmoon

Ah that’s brilliant Chicky! I’m sure the drinking is fiiine, counteract it with some spinach :mrgreen:

I know it’s hard to do but try and enjoy it- even if you prepare yourself for the worst it won’t make it any less horrible if it happens so you may as well be as happy as possible in the moment. Hope that makes sense!

:dust:


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## LadyStardust4

Oh Chicky! I am so pleased for you! I did actually have a feeling you might be with your latest updates but I didn't want to say.

Yellowmoon is right - enjoy every moment of it! I know we know more than anybody how delicate the first weeks of pregnancy are but you must just relax, trust your body and allow yourself to feel happy. 

I can't wait to hear how all our ladies with BFPs progress.


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## Sallyanne81

Yay Chicky, congratulations, stay positive! What cycle are you?

Can't believe those friends announcing the pregnancy like that and at 6 weeks as well! I know people get excited but I wish people could consider other peoples feelings as well.

AF due in the next few days but i'm not too hopeful this month, i am 10 dpo trying to hold out on the testing.

I've had a fab xmas, the UK def do it well :) 

Happy new year everyone hopefully 2019 is our year!


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## Chickybaby

Thanks girls. So right, worry is such a wasted emotion and won't change the outcome. I'm trying to stay positive.

Sallyanne, third cycle post MC, second trying. Long cycles though so coming up 4 months xx

Thank you so much for the support ladies! You have been so important to helping to get me through this part of this journey xxx


----------



## HappyWay

Hello everyone,

It's been very long since i was here. I was on a 1 month vacation in Nov-Dec when i got my BFP!! I was back 10 days ago, but was waiting for my ultrasound today. Everything went well at the Doctor's.
This is my 3rd cycle since MC. 

Congratulations Chickybaby and others who got BFPs. Fx for others.


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hey Sallyanne! Glad you had a good xmas, good luck to you on your testing!! We'll be here whatever happens.

Congratulations Happyway, what great news! 

Make sure you girls keep us updated :)

Think AF is starting for me so back to CD1 tomorrow. Had a bit of a cry today but I'm feeling a bit better after a hot bath and loads of chocolate and sherry. Plus cd1 on New year day MUST be a good omen. 

Happy new year everyone xx


----------



## Sallyanne81

Congrats Happyway what a fantastic holiday for you!

Well I'm a BFN this month (cycle 3), same as you Yellow had a cry but now feeling a bit better. 

Went to see the "don't try then it will happen" lady who showed me delightful pictures of cervical mucus, how to do temping and check cervical position, oh the joys! She said to do the BD every other day, that was about it. Now booking an appointment with a proper gynae finally at a centre that also does IVF if necessary.


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## PrettyInInk42

Hi ladies. 

I haven't really had a chance to read back yet, but this is the short version on my story:
- Got a BFP in Oct last year
- Dating scan at 7w3d gave me an EDD of June 27
- Went for first tri screening scan at 11w1d, found out baby stopped growing at 8w5d 
- Was able to pass all the tissue naturally on Dec 11

So, as of right now, SO and I have DTD on the night of Dec 24/25 and 26/27. Based on opks I think I O'd on Dec 31/Jan 1. Been trying to do it again, but he's been uninterested or we've been cock blocked by our son. I feel like it's too late to do it now and there was probably too much time between the last DTD session and O. Not holding out a lot of hope for this cycle. -.-


----------



## Yellowmoon

Sorry for your bfn Sallyanne :(- 2019 will be the year for us! Hopefully the new gynae will have more of a clue haha.

Hi prettyinink- sorry for your loss :( I reckon you're still in for a chance this month with those dates- fx for you.

I'm planning to bd every other day this cycle and keep focusing on trying to lose a bit of weight and going to the gym. The new focus is helping me. :bunny: I've had half a bag of spinach in two days!


----------



## MrsFruitie

Hi ladies! 

Haven’t been on here in a little while, but I’m so happy to see some of you have got your BFPs!! Congratulations!

This fills me with hope that soon I’ll get my BFP too. I’ve just finished cycle 3 since Mmc sept, so we are going to try and track really hard this month! The BFN at Christmas was tearful, but we can’t give up and will stay strong. 

Hope you lovely bunch of strong warrior ladies are all well ❤️


----------



## LadyStardust4

Good to see you back MrsFruitie! Had wondered if you were ok.

I am cycle day 28 and this is the day AF usually arrives. If she hasn't shown by tonight, I may test. Or wait until tomorrow to avoid the disappointment of a BFN. For some reason, the arrival of AF is easier to take than seeing the result in a tiny window of a pregnancy test. 

Don't know how I will feel either way this month. Will update you tomorrow. x


----------



## HappyWay

LadyStardust4 said:


> Good to see you back MrsFruitie! Had wondered if you were ok.
> 
> I am cycle day 28 and this is the day AF usually arrives. If she hasn't shown by tonight, I may test. Or wait until tomorrow to avoid the disappointment of a BFN. For some reason, the arrival of AF is easier to take than seeing the result in a tiny window of a pregnancy test.
> 
> Don't know how I will feel either way this month. Will update you tomorrow. x

Fingers crossed for you, Lady. Let this be your month! [-o&lt;


----------



## Yellowmoon

Good luck Lady xxx thinking of you


----------



## LadyStardust4

Thank you for the well wishes. Unfortunately I came on today. So back to cycle day 1 for me! Starting to wonder if I will ever get pregnant again.

On the bright side - I can have a few drinks in New York for my birthday next month. I'm actually getting married whilst we're over there which is a big secret - only our parents and certain family members know. But we're all friends here and it's anon! haha :) 

Maybe it'll happen in the 'honeymoon' phase. You never know...


----------



## Yellowmoon

LadyStardust4 said:


> Thank you for the well wishes. Unfortunately I came on today. So back to cycle day 1 for me! Starting to wonder if I will ever get pregnant again.
> 
> On the bright side - I can have a few drinks in New York for my birthday next month. I'm actually getting married whilst we're over there which is a big secret - only our parents and certain family members know. But we're all friends here and it's anon! haha :)
> 
> Maybe it'll happen in the 'honeymoon' phase. You never know...

Oh sorry for AF :(

But a secret wedding sounds so nice! How romantic!! I feel really special knowing about it hehe 

You’re right, you never know! And you’ll be having so much fun you probably won’t even think about it! I hope you have the best time, I’m sure you will ;-)


----------



## Sallyanne81

Oh poo for the the BFN Lady! But congratulations on the wedding, that sounds amazing getting married in New York and like you said you can enjoy it all without worrying about what you are eating and drinking and I think the honeymoon phase definitely helps :)

I'm CD 11 so I haven't got any exciting news, just doing the BD every other day and doing all my 'I am not trying to get pregnant' charting.


----------



## PrettyInInk42

Hey ladies. So, AF came on Sunday night. Looks like we did DTD too early last time. But I just got a new pack of opks, so I'm ready and anxious to start trying again this cycle.


----------



## Sallyanne81

Hi pretty, sorry AF showed up, but glad you are ready with your OPKs for this month! Is this the first time you are using them? They seem to be working for me I keep getting a positive on CD17.

I'm on CD15 OPK neg still, so must be ovulating late every month. The gynae can only fit me in in the afternoons when I am working so need to find another one, so I'm just in limbo this month really, bit annoying. 

How's everyone else doing?


----------



## Yellowmoon

Sorry for AF Pretty. Hope this cycle is going well so far.

Hey Sally, I'm just a few days ahead of you this cycle. Pretty sure O'd around CD14 that's just going off of the CM. Not using OPKs anymore. Just doing BD every other day like you, trying not to try haha! I'm on CD18 btw.

Gonna test next weekend and continue to eat healthy and exercise and try and enjoy my life not obsessing about ttc. Easier said than done. 

I'll keep you guys posted in case you're interested. Hope everyone is doing well.


----------



## LadyStardust4

Sorry about AF Pretty. I always have mixed emotions on cycle day 1. I'm disappointed I'm not pregnant again but excited to try again. After so many cycles, it does become tedious though!

I've been trying again since September so I've now had four unsuccessful tries since we lost the baby in August. I have tried OPKs on and off but I am not convinced by them. I'm thinking of trying temping but not sure if I am organised enough haha!

Can anybody recommend a good temping thermometer. Would be good if it comes with a chart!

Good luck Sally and Yellow. Hope our time is just around the corner :)


----------



## MrsFruitie

CD 21/8dpo in cycle 4 since Mmc for me and struggling not to symptom spot. Last pregnant I had sharp stabbing pains on and off 8dpo/9dpo, and I feels like I have been having same pains past couple of days. It’s probably nothing and I’m just being extremely hopeful. Words can’t describe how much we want a baby and to become a family of 3. 
It’s just been my 31st birthday and I spent a lot of it in tears. I should have been 5 months pregnant with a baby tummy if I hadn’t had the mmc.


----------



## LadyStardust4

MrsFruitie - I feel like I can really relate. The baby we lost was also our first pregnancy and we just desperately wanted to be a family. We still do and it's so disheartening that we still aren't pregnant again.

I'm really praying for you and hope this is your month. If it's not, we are all here for you.


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hey Mrs Frutie- I’m in the exact same boat as you. I’m CD21 today- had sharp pains all of yesterday and a bit the day before. Things seemed to have eased up today. Not sure if it’s coz I feel a bit constipated though! :loo:... I kinda feel like this must be it too! This is my 2nd official cycle trying, although i did kind of try before I got the first AF. I really hope this is the month. 

I understand how you feel, it’s horrible. A friend of mine is preggo and we would have been due around the same time. I forced my self to message her and see how she’s doing today. She doesn’t know I had a miscarriage. But she’s so happy and excited and will be finding out the gender soon. Part of me feels like I will never experience that joy. But I keep reminding myself that mc is very common and my time WILL come. And so will yours! It’s always good to be hopeful. Wishing you lots of luck and babydust! 
:dust:


----------



## MrsFruitie

Thanks Ladies. I think today I might have been imagining it as all cramping has disappeared! Fingers crossed this is our month though!!! 

Had an awful day today,I’ve been told I’m getting made redundant, so now I have finding a new job stress whilst trying to start a family! Not ideal!! 


Xx


----------



## HappyWay

Sorry to hear about the job situation Fruitie!

It sounds to me like implantation cramping, Fx this is your month!


----------



## Sallyanne81

Oh no Frutie thinking about you, just what you need at the moment! On the positive side though it could be implantation cramping, I had that when I found out I was pregnant the last time.

I have used OPKs, CM, temping and CP this month (really not trying honestly!) I have to say though they all coincided, so I think they are all as good as each other, the charting is a bit tedious though I have to say.

This is cycle 4 for me too this month, I think we are all not far off each other with our cycles i'm CD19 but only 2dpo, really hoping for some more positives for everyone this month, even if it's not me it still gives me some hope.

On the SIL front she's nearly 6 months now and I would have been nearly 5, she's constantly in bed, always tired and complaining of a bad back, she isn't even working! For some reason I am finding it difficult to feel sorry for her. It's really annoying me that she's treating pregnancy like it's an illness. On the positive side for me though they are talking about leaving the country hooray, trying not to get my hopes up too much though :)


----------



## LadyStardust4

Oh MrsFrutie - sorry to hear about your job :( Hope you find something else really soon so you don't have to stress too much! 

Sally - good to hear that all your ovulation tracking methods are aligning. I also hope we have some more good news stories soon! Made me laugh about your SIL - when I was pregnant, I suffered quite badly with nausea and exhaustion but I'd give anything to have it back now! 

I've got a slight rant I've been saving and I really hope you all don't mind! 

Not sure if any of you will remember our friends who announced their pregnancy with the super insensitive video on a group chat? Well, that was about 4 weeks ago and we've now fallen out with them. My partner had spoken to his friend on the phone the next morning and congratulated them on behalf of us both and explained that we were still going through a hard time with baby stuff and genetic testing. At the time... he seemed to understand. However, I noticed that his wife had left our group chat last week and realised she was upset. So I sent her a message yesterday reaching out to her. It basically said "I saw you left our chat, I get it's an exciting time for you guys but we're having a hard time and it's not easy for us to deal with things like that. You might have to bare with us whilst we work through it but we're happy for you - congrats". 

Took a lot for me to send that message and I ended up receiving the most hurtful response ever. She said we should have messaged her 4 weeks ago and it hurt that we 'ignored' them (which we didn't - as I said, my partner spoke to him on the phone the next day). She said "your misfortune is nothing to do with us and I don't understand why we're being punished"

Which said it all really... they want nothing to do with us unless it's good news. So my partner phoned up his friend, told him what was what and that was that LOL. 

Worst part is - they have announced their pregnancy all over social media at 10 weeks before their scan. They know full well that we got our bad news at our scan but they are clearly too arrogant to think it could happen to them and their 'perfect' family.

Really upset me but on the bright side, that's two poisonous people we've cut out of our lives.

SORRY FOR THE RANT!! I do this a lot don't I hahaha

Baby dust to all xx


----------



## Yellowmoon

Sorry about the job Frutie. Hope you find something soon. 

Sally- I have no sympathy for any moany pregnant ladies now. I just don't want to hear any of it. I'm such a Scrooge haha.

Lady- that woman sounds awfulllll, I was saying to my husband the other day that dickhead (for want of a better word) people always seem to get everything they want. She sounds like that type. Very spoilt. I'd have given her a piece of my mind, the silly cow. Rant away, sis! I'm with you, LOL.


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## HappyWay

Lady,

It surprises me how people can be so self-obsessed, i cannot even start to understand where she got the idea that 'they're being punished'!! All i got was how understanding you and your partner were. 

I'm glad you moved away from all this negativity and drama, take care and focus on YOU.

:hug::hug:


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## Sallyanne81

OMG Lady! That's ridiculous behaviour, so hurtful, I totally agree you are better off without these toxic people in your life. I don't understand what they want, you said congrats, do they want you fawning over them everyday or something?

I just don't understand why the feelings have to be all one way? Why do we have to pour our congratulations and excitement on the preg ones but they don't have to give understanding, condolences and support to us? How many times did she reach out to you to ask how you were? 

That was my experience as well with SIL I was expected to be happy for them but I got nothing back from them or any of the in-laws, other than 'oh well, at least you can get pregnant', 'be more patient' etc., no-one asked me how I was, how I was feeling.


----------



## LadyStardust4

Thanks for the kind words ladies. It's good to have my feelings validated so I know I'm not the one in the wrong!!

Sally - this was my main gripe actually. I didn't receive a single text/phone call to ask how I was after it all happened and they were in the small circle of people to know I was pregnant at like 6 weeks. We saw them a couple of times after it happened and they never brought it up. Maybe they didn't know how to approach the subject but we definitely didn't feel they were that supportive. 

So to wave their excitement in our faces and then get angry that we didn't let off party poppers in their face is a joke

Apparently when my other half phoned the husband he said "Well you guys should have put on a brave face and just said congratulations in the group chat". 

In November, we went along to their son's 4th Birthday Party and that was really difficult for me being surrounded by babies and children. I nearly had a panic attack but they would never know...

And yes... people always say "At least you know you can get pregnant" and that is SUCH a pet peeve of mine. People just don't get it do they.

Fingers crossed for your SIL leaving the country hahaha!


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hey ladies- I've been testing early (couldn't help myself) all look like :bfn: :( 

I'm only 10/11 Dpo I think...but I feel like I would have seen the faintest of lines on a FRER By now.I did last time anyway. Not feeling hopeful this month. Gonna skip testing and wait for AF on Monday now. :roll:


----------



## LadyStardust4

Sorry to hear that Yellowmoon! 

I have stopped testing early as it just isn't worth the anguish. I now try to assume I am not pregnant until my period comes and then if I am late I allow myself to test.

Really hope it happens for you soon x


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## Yellowmoon

Thanks Lady. I need to stop testing early. I think that’s a good tactic to assume it’s a no unless AF is late. I keep thinking I’m deffo gona be and then I’m not. It’s upsetting. 

Hoping for your rainbow too xx


----------



## MrsFruitie

Hi Yellowmoon, I’m due on Monday and in the same boat as you. Was so sure I was pregnant this month and did a test yesterday but BFN. If I had had implantation pains like a thought, I should have had a faint line by now. 

X


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## LadyStardust4

We all just need to keep the faith :) just think - a year from now we might all be pregnant or have our rainbow babies and we can keep in touch to discuss progress.

I saw Chickybaby in another forum and she has found out her pregnancy turned out to be twins! So my thoughts are very much with her at the moment for a healthy pregnancy. Very exciting!


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hi Fruite- Sorry for BFN. It really sucks but it’s still early for us. There is a grain of hope lol.

Yes Lady! It will definitely happen for us. Would love to keep in touch. So lovely about Chicky as well! Twins!! What a dream! 

I had a tiny bit of spotting earlier...doesn’t usually happen to me this early before period so I will try a cheapie test tonight if AF hasn’t just shown her face way early. I think she might though coz I’m having sharp pains in my tummy still. At least it would mean I can get started on my next cycle i guess lol.


----------



## lesondemavie

Sorry for my absence. I’ve not been doing well and I don’t want to bring you down with my negativity. A lot is going on that I’m not handling well. The cute photos of my nephew with his new baby brother are tough. I have to go through this again when my other nephew becomes a big brother next month. I feel like I’m hurting my relationship with my brother but I just can’t celebrate with him while my heart is aching for my own daughter.

I thought I’m a mom already so this will be easier but now as a mom I want to give my daughter the world. I wanted to make her a big sister in April and I’m grappling now with the unknown with the how and when and how much more.

I thought I’d trust my body to do this again since it’s done it before, but I don’t. I feel like we won the lottery with my daughter and I don’t know that we will again. I mean what are the odds right?

Lady - I had something similar happen with both my SIL (the one who just made her son a big brother) and one of my husband’s friend’s wife. So glad your partner stood with you. Mine didn’t and it sucked...we worked through it as a couple but it sucked. It’s incredible how daft people can be. So many think you should just be able to turn on and off your grief at will so they don’t have to feel bad. It doesn’t work that way at all, and they can just all go suck eggs for being so awful.

So we will be trying again in a few months. Just as I turn 37. The whole aging thing terrifies me, but I’m trying to remember that even though age increases risk of miscarriage, it’s still low and Turner’s is not associated with age. It is, however, associated with caffeine intake and I recently discovered my husband was drinking at least double the recommended limit for men! Probably more. And daily at that. He agreed to cut back, but it takes 2-3 months for a refresh like that so we’ll wait and try in a few months and see what happens. After all of these years of looking at me and me cutting out caffeine (and so much else) completely, I can’t believe we didn’t look at him more closely!


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## Yellowmoon

Hi Les, nice to hear from you. Negativity always welcome here. We are here for you :)

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Fingers crossed everything goes well for you and DH when you start trying. I didn’t even think to say to my dh about his caffeine, we do always seem to pin it on the ladies.

Afm- AF arrived on time for me this month so that’s me out again. Onto the next one I guess! X


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## Sallyanne81

Sorry for the BFNs but hoping that AF doesn't show up!

OMG - I can't believe chicky is having twins, how amazing!

Les - don't worry about bringing your negativity, that's what we are here for, we all need a good vent every now and again to release it all. I'm dreading my SIL having the baby in April too, but still hoping they will move away! You are so right, we put all the pressure on ourselves for the pregnancy and we forget the contribution of the man, their health, their sperm quality etc.

I'm bored just waiting for AF on Thursday, I don't feel very hopeful this month though, so don't feel the need to test.


----------



## Sallyanne81

Started spotting today 10 dpo, so AF is on it's way :(


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## LadyStardust4

Sallyanne81 said:


> Started spotting today 10 dpo, so AF is on it's way :(

Do you usually spot so early in your cycle? Don't throw the towel in yet; could be implantation bleeding! Fingers crossed and if it's not, just treat yourself to some wine and chocolate. It's the one time of month you should treat yourself! haha


----------



## Sallyanne81

It still seems like spotting again so far today (will test tomorrow if it doesn't turn into full AF), my cycles have gone a bit funny after the last MC they used to be 30-32 days long, now they're 28 days, I seem to ovulate day 17/18 so my LP is quite short. Don't know if my cycles are still out of whack after the MC, or stress, I just don't know.

Going to see the gynae this week or next to show her my chart etc.so will see what she has to say, for example I haven't had any of my hormones checked.

Good plan will get the wine and chocs ready, being in Italy i'm not short of wine! You can get a decent bottle for less than 2 euros!!


----------



## LadyStardust4

Sally... Did you test? Any luck??


----------



## Sallyanne81

Yes I tested, Saturday morning and BFN then on cue AF arrived in force not long after, I hate that my body plays these games, I've not handled it too well at all this month compared to the last few for some reason. 

Unfortunate timing we were at BIL/SILs house nearly all day yesterday - BIL went on about praying for god to help us have a baby again (my period hormones didn't take that too well) followed by endless talk about her antenatal water exercise class so that didn't really help. 

Unfortunately it's looking more likely they will move closer to us rather than abroad, so I'm not taking that too well either. I can cope with them just about at the moment as they live 1 hour away. So I ended up having an argument with DH because I tried to make it clear that if they move back I am not living in their pockets, he got the hump because he doesn't want me to cause a problem in the family, I don't understand why I should be pressured into spending excessive amounts of time with these people in case I cause offense by saying I want to spend a reasonable amount of time with them. 

We've already had issues over his family, when I MCd the last time I was pressured into seeing BIL/SIL in case they got offended (I saw them 7 times in 4 days - lunch and dinner - apparently seeing them 5 or 6 times in 4 days would cause offense??!. The MC before that I was sent home without another scan from A&E even though I was convinced I had lost the baby in the afternoon (I had), DH kept telling me how negative I was and spent the whole week we were waiting for the follow-up scan (that confirmed I had MCd) with his brother because he was going to another city for a few months and needed his support.

Sorry about the rant!


----------



## LadyStardust4

Oh Sally I'm so sorry to hear you haven't taken it well this month. I am due on AF today or tomorrow and also got BFN so I know how you're feeling.

We really want to approach somebody for fertility testing but I think we need to wait a year after our loss - which would be August. This is our 5th unsuccessful cycle in a row now and it took us 9 months to conceive the one we lost so I'm feeling pretty sure that something isn't working in our favour. At least if we knew the problem we could try and overcome it!!

Your BIL/SIL sound terrible and it sucks if your husband hasn't always got your back with them. Seven times in four days is excessive and he should understand that you need some space from them sometimes.


----------



## LadyStardust4

Period hasn’t arrived yet so I did a cheap test and I’m sure I can see a second line! But it’s really faint. Don’t want to allow myself to get excited...


----------



## Yellowmoon

LadyStardust4 said:


> Period hasn’t arrived yet so I did a cheap test and I’m sure I can see a second line! But it’s really faint. Don’t want to allow myself to get excited...

Hope this is it for you Lady!! Keep us posted :)


----------



## LadyStardust4

Yellowmoon said:


> Hope this is it for you Lady!! Keep us posted :)

Hi Yellowmoon. Thank you for your support. I’ve done 3 tests and they’re all positive. We’re not letting ourselves get carried away but I’m cautiously optimistic x


----------



## Sallyanne81

Ooh, Lady congratulations! That's a few BFPs in these last few weeks, hooray!


----------



## LadyStardust4

Thank you Sally. I'm flying to New York on Tuesday so fingers crossed for minimum nausea haha.
This little group of warrior women has really kept me going and I am praying that those still waiting for a BFP get them very soon!
I am not taking anything for granted at this stage and I will keep an eye on this thread to see how everyone is doing :)


----------



## Yellowmoon

Such wonderful news Lady! 

All the best for your wedding! Hope everything goes well and you have lovely time :) xx


----------



## MrsFruitie

Congratulations Lady! Really happy for you ❤️


----------



## Sallyanne81

Lady - I don't know if you will see this but have a fantastic wedding!


----------



## Sallyanne81

So we saw the gynae yesterday and she's recommended that I be tested for a load of auto-immune antibodies and prolactin. And much to my husbands joy he is going to have his sperm tested ;). I feel a bit better as she seems to know what she's talking about (compared to the others). 

She said the temping and charting was a waste of time, I guess because I have regular periods and getting pregnant isn't the problem, it's staying pregnant. That's a bit of a relief, it was a bit annoying every morning, i'm just gonna continue with the OPKs and use them up.

How's everyone else doing?


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hi Sallyanne

Sounds like a promising appointment, hope you get some answers. I thought about using OPKs again this month but I haven't bothered. I find not doing stuff like that helps to keep my mind off it. I think I get a bit obsessive about those kinda things though. Like when I start testing early and ending up spending £100000 on pregnancy tests for no reason.

I'm actually doing less exercise this cycle, I heard that doing too much can be bad. Feels like we need to wrapped up in a cacaoon on a magical formula drip to get a healthy pregnancy sometimes, it's exhausting! 

I'm on CD16 right now. Doing BD basically everyday. I realised that last month we only did it 4 times but I thought that would be enough... it's so hard to know what's right with all the conflicting info out there and on top of that we have to relax and not try. I just want to go out on a massive bender now, haven't had a proper night out in sooooo lonnnnggggggg.

Sorry for the moan!!


----------



## Yellowmoon

It feels so quiet in here! I guess a lot of our ladies have had their BFPs already.

Hope everyone is good and pregnancies are progressing well :yellow:


----------



## Sallyanne81

I know, I thought the same, it feels like everyone's graduated and left with their BFPs, I think there are only a few of us left!! I want to know how they are all getting on too! maybe we'll have to stalk them on other boards :lol: 

I do feel a lot better not doing all this temping / charting malarkey, I think you are right it just adds more stress. I'm CD 14 so we're nearly in sync.

I wish there was a magic get preggers drip too! It's a nightmare trying without trying. I read too excessive exercise is not good for getting pregnant, but I don't need to worry about that one, I'm the opposite end of that spectrum :)

Made me laugh about the amount of money you spent on pregnancy tests, it's true though - I didn't realise how expensive trying to get pregnant actually is, the supplements, the pregnancy tests and here I have to pay a fortune for gynae appts, the blood tests and my pap smear test, things I totally took for granted in the UK.


----------



## Yellowmoon

That's cool we're in sync Sally. We can get through the 2 week wait together :D. 

I did actually find Chicky and the news of her twins. I think she's coming up to 11 weeks so all is well for her, which is fab. Twins is such a happy ending. I kinda want that to happen to me now LOL. I might try and stalk the others later on haha. 

I can't imagine having to pay for all that stuff. Sometimes I would rather pay and get a better service though, that being said- the early PU was very good when I had the mc. Bar the 2 horrible ultrasound women I encountered.

I'm planning on testing next weekend. Gonna be hard not to do it all of next week, but I have to keep telling myself it's pointless and never gives me any solid answers anyway. At least if I get a negative at that point i know I can just wait for AF. Pretty sure I o,d around day 11/12 this month, can't be too sure though.


----------



## HappyWay

Hello Sally, Yellowmoon

Fingers crossed for your 2WW to end in BFPs [-o&lt;

AFM, today will be my week 16 milestone. Sometimes still can't believe i am pregnant and this is actually happening, until a bout of nausea and throwing up reminds me how real this is! Trying not to worry and taking each day as it comes.


----------



## Yellowmoon

Ahhww thanks for the update HappyWay! :) glad you're doing well. 16 weeks is amazing! Hope the nausea goes away soon- I'm sure it will. 

I love hearing from everyone- happy endings are so lovely to hear :)

:dust:


----------



## Sallyanne81

Wow happy - 16 weeks is amazing, can't believe the time has gone so fast! Still hoping we all get our rainbow happy endings too!

Yellow - yes we are in the 2ww together, but mines just started and I need to wait until the end of next week before I test, why does the 2 weeks wait feel like forever?!

Well I have had bad news SIL and BIL from hell have decided to move to the same flipping town as us in a few months, I just can't wait :(


----------



## friskyfish

Hi ladies,

I hope you don’t mind me jumping in on this thread. 

So sorry for all of you who have had a loss. I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago after ttc for almost a year. At our early scan at 8 weeks we learnt that our baby had stopped developing at 5 weeks :( so upset. 

Not sure when to start trying again, did a test yesterday & it’s still showing positive, it’s so cruel. Just want to get a negative so we can try again. 

Ovulation test is coming up positive but I’m guessing that’s still the pregnancy hormones making it do that? 

Bleeding has stopped now & we have been bd’ing. 

Is it best to wait till period is here?


----------



## MammytoIzzy

MrsFruitie said:


> Hi Ladies,
> 
> We had it confirmed today that I have unfortunately had a missed miscarriage. At my scan I should have shown 10 weeks but the fetal pole measured 6 with no heartbeat.
> 
> I have opted for the minor surgery which will take place Monday 24th. I am too emotional to deal with the physical pain of a natural passing as well.
> 
> As soon as we have the all clear we aim to try again as we are looking forward to being a family. Me and my husband are very much in love and cannot wait to share our happiness and love with a little baby.
> 
> Im looking for women in similar situations to share our TTC post loss journey together, and support each other!
> 
> Thanks ladies and stay strong.
> We can do this! &#10084;&#65039;

Hi i had a miscarriage last tuesday , i was 6 weeks . Wanting to try again but worried it will happen again x


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hi Friskyfish and mamatoizzy- so sorry for your losses :(

It's very tough to begin with. All I wanted to do what start trying straight away and I think that's OK if you're ready. You'll fall pregnant again when your body is up to it.

I'm on my 3rd cycle since the miscarriage, it's still painful but not as bad, it does get better. Eager to be pregnant again now, the fear of losing another one is outweighed by the wish to be pregnant at this point, but it's still a fear. I don't think that will go away I'm afraid. 

We're here if you need to chat or vent. 

Hope you both start to feel better soon.


----------



## Sallyanne81

Hi Friskyfish and mamatoizzy, so sorry for both of your losses. It's such a difficult time, but believe me it does get much easier. The worry of losing another one is completely normal but like yellowmoon said the desire for a baby is much stronger and that's what keeps me going.

I started to try straight away once I stopped bleeding, my doctor wasn't bothered but I know some doctors say to wait until you have had your first period, I just think try again when you are ready.

The ladies on this message board have really helped me, everyone is so supportive.


----------



## Yellowmoon

I tested today and got another bffn. Guess what the extra F stands for.

I’m fed up with this now.

Waiting for AF. Again. Feel like it’s never going to happen for me.


----------



## LadyStardust4

Yellowmoon, so sorry for your negative. I actually had a BFN two days before my BFP so it’s not over until it’s over!

And if it isn’t this month - just keep at it. I know your time is soon xx


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## Sallyanne81

That's what I was thinking too, it could be too early still, how many dpo are you?

The day before yesterday, I had random spotting, just once, but I was max. 5dpo which is too early to be implantation I think, so I'll just have to wait and see. It's so hard not to get your hopes up. I've been trying not to symptom spot and google everything this time but it's not really working.

On a positive note BIL and SIL are going to move in Sept not Apr so 6 more months of peace yay!


----------



## Sallyanne81

So I'm a BFN too this morning, I'd have thought I'd have got a positive by now if that was implantation 4 days ago. 

I've had my other blood test this morning and DH has done his sperm sample, so we'll know more in about a week. Otherwise AF is due to start anytime from tomorrow. I will join you in the fed up club Yellow!


----------



## HappyWay

Hi Sally,

I understand it is different for everyone, but i never got BFP at least 8 days after Implantation. I had gotten a BFN on FRER ON the day of my missed period, but got a BFP 3 days later! So FX for you[-o&lt;


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hi Sally- hope you're OK. 

I'm still wallowing LOL. I think everyone is getting fed up with me. I'm usually quite a positive person and I'm the opposite right now.

Gonna relax a bit this cycle and have a few drinks on a couple of outings. Accepting the fact that it's gonna take a while and I can't expect a BFP every month and get so devestated when it's not. It's not very healthy and I think it could be a contributing factor. I dunno.

It will happen for us :)


----------



## mumof1+1

I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago. No medical intervention needed. Took a test today and that was negative which I’m sure is a good thing. I’d like to think I’ll be joining you all soon but at the moment I’m still bleeding from the loss. My only real concern is my OH is a bit worried about bd because he saw what was manually removed while I was in A&E. Luckily we have an amazing relationship so hoping that will pass for him. Must admit to being a little worried about it happening again but I’m sure everyone feels the same... xxx


----------



## Sallyanne81

Well I'm now 11 dpo and still no AF, I've decided to test again tomorrow morning if still no signs, so there is still a chance. I'm trying to think positively that if it is AF, it means my LP is extending which is good as I was a bit worried about the spotting from 10 dpo.

I've convinced myself that I'm pregnant this month, so the BFN has bought me down to earth a bit, so maybe the fall won't be so hard if it really is a BFN. My plan has always been to be negative each month then the BFN won't be so bad, unfortunately I keep getting my hopes up anyway, symptom spotting like crazy and googling every little thing.

Mum of 1+1 - So sorry that happened to you, it's still very early days for you both physically and emotionally. The neg HPT is a good sign that your body is getting back on track again hormonally. Try again when you are ready, only you know when that will be, I am sure after the 1st time your OH will be reassured that all is OK.


----------



## mumof1+1

Thank you Sallyanne. I hope so....

Good luck this month. It’s not over until AF shows! Rooting for you xxx


----------



## RoseM87

Hi everyone, 

I just had a missed miscarriage last week. Went in for a scan at 10 weeks and found out there was no heartbeat so had to have a d&c this Monday. Physically I'm more or less fine, and grtting through it emotionally as well.

We want to try again soon (obviously) but the doctor really scared me by saying it's better to wait until after your cycle returns as otherwise there's a higher risk of miscarriage again. Just wondering how long it took all of you to start your normal cycle again following this sort of incident?

I'm sorry for all of you who've gone through this as well. It's horrible! Wouldn't wish it on anyone!


----------



## HappyWay

@RoseM87 
Very sorry hun.

After i had miscarried in last Aug, my doctor actually encouraged me to try immediately, given i was ready emotionally. According to her, waiting for a cycle is only so that the pregnancy can be dated better.
We ovulate only after hcg goes to zero or <2, so opks would help after we have hcg close to zero.

I was very hopeful for a BFP but had my AF 5 weeks after miscarriage. Did not use opks and the miscarriage definitely messes with your regular cycle lengths and so ovulation dates. I used opks in my third cycle and I finally got my BFP then and am now pregnant due this Aug. So, take YOUR own time to heal and whenever you and your partner are ready again to try, go ahead. Thinking of you :hugs2:


----------



## RoseM87

Thanks so much for the info, HappyWay. And huge congratulations on your pregnancy! That is so lovely :)


----------



## Sallyanne81

Well AF is definitely here :( but I have been treated to sushi with DH and at least I feel like my LP is lengthening now to about 12 days rather than 10 so trying to stay positive. I'm onto cycle 6 now. I feel like the stress of my new job isn't helping, I feel like I won't get my BFP until after I finish in June and I can relax.

Sorry for your loss Rose - My AF took about 4 weeks the 1st time and 5 weeks the 2nd time to come back (from the day I lost the baby rather than from when the bleeding stopped), I was 10 wks the 1st time and 6 the 2nd and it felt like forever both times.


----------



## mumof1+1

So sorry AF arrived. Fingers crossed for a BFP soon xxx


----------



## MrsFruitie

Hi Ladies, sorry I’ve not checked in in a while. It’s been mad with new job an holiday. 

Firstly, to the new ladies, I’m so very sorry for your losses and I feel your heartbreak. We are all here for you whether you need a chat or and questions. 

I’m a bit down at the moment as it’s now coming up to the date I was due had the miscarriage not happened. I was really hoping to be pregnant again before the due date but no luck and the chances of getting pregnant this month are slim. 

It seems like a lot of the original ladies from when I started this post have been successful though, and this makes me extremely happy for them and continues to fill me with hope. 

As I’ve said before, you are all an incredibly strong bunch of warrior women! 

Hope everyone is doing ok. 
Xxx


----------



## RoseM87

Hi again everyone,

Just wondering if any of you have been through this or know anyone who has, because right now I feel freaked out and unlucky and would love to hear some happy stories. 

I spent the weekend in the hospital on IV antibiotics after it was discovered they had left some tissue in following my d&c two weeks ago. I then had to have a second d&c even though there's a higher risk of damage to the uterus doing two surgeries so close together. I'm now super worried that they've stuffed me up inside and I'll never actually be able to get pregnant. Also no sex for 6 weeks in total so TTC is going to take even longer... Can anyone save me from my pity party and tell me about a successful pregnancy following a similar situation? 

Thanks <3


----------



## Sallyanne81

Hi Rose, I can't answer personally as I have never had a D+C all my MCs were natural, but being obsessed and reading tons of message boards like this I have read about lots of women who have had multiple D+Cs and everything has been fine and they've gone on to conceive. Obviously the waiting 6 weeks is frustrating because you are left in limbo for longer but try and use the time to look after yourself and OH and pamper yourselves a bit.

I'm just waiting for ovulation again, so nothing exciting happening here. The due date is always difficult, it gets easier but you don't forget, for example I'd have a 7 month old now had the other MC not happened. My SIL is a constant reminder that I'm not pregnant, she is still annoying the hell out of me, she is spending half the day in bed because both her and her husband are unemployed and she is tired apparently.


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hi Mrs Frutie- sorry you are feeling down. Due date will be hard. I've planned to be off work and be somewhere nice when mine comes around in May. Your time will come, it's hard to imagine at the moment, but it will. 

Rose- sounds like you're having a rough time of it. I haven't had a DC myself so I'm not sure about that, but I agreed with SallyAnne, I bet you'll be fine. It's a horrible stressful time but you will get through it! We will be here for you every step of the way :hugs: 

Sallyanne- I am the same as you. Waiting for ovulation, I think it's gonna happen today, I am doing OPKs this month. I actually thought I had been ovulating really early, but it's CD15 today so I guess I wasn't... glad I decided to track now! 

Your SIL is sooo annoying haha. She would rub me up the wrong way too! 

In other news, I got my husband taking the men's preconception vitamins this month and we've both been having loads of fun together and doing loads of social stuff, will be interesting if this is the month something happens. I'll keep you all posted anyway, I'll be testing in about 2 weeks probably.


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## napamermaid

Can i join?

I had a d&c this morning. Got pregnant no problem but it never felt right. Had scan at 6 +4 no fetal pole. Then had spotting sat. Another scan Monday and only gest sac and yolk sac. No baby ever formed.
I was ok going in till all the medical staff commiserated with me. Going to theatre was horrific.
Anyway its done now.
V sore but bleeding light which is good.

How long did it take you all to get periods back?
How long did you or will you wait ttc again?

Im so sorry for all your losses xx


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## Sallyanne81

Hi napermermaid, of course you can join! So sorry for your loss too, it's such a difficult thing to go through.

My AF took about 4 weeks the 1st time and 5 weeks the 2nd time to come back (from the day I lost the baby rather than from when the bleeding stopped), I was 10 wks the 1st time and 6 the 2nd and it felt like forever both times. Both times I started trying again straight away, my gynae was not bothered about waiting a month like some are, I had a scan and she said I was about to ovulate so go for it.

I think I ovulated fri/sat this month a bit earlier than I though I would so I don't know about out timing this month. Oh well onto the 2ww yet again, I think we are on the 2ww together yellow, fingers crossed for everyone this cycle!!!


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## Yellowmoon

Hi Napamermaid, so sorry for your loss. It's a really tough thing to go through.

My AF came 5 weeks after bleeding stopped and cycle has been normal since then. We waited for AF to come before trying again. Currently in the 4th cycle tww.

Yep we are the same Sallyanne! It's nice knowing we are doing this together each month :). I'm gonna take my first test on Friday I think. Can't help but do it early! It will be 4 days before AF due. 

Fingers crossed for everyone xx


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## Sallyanne81

I had some test results back and my prolactin is high, does anyone have the same? I'm hoping it's something easy to fix. Hopefully I will get another appointment with the gynae soon.


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## Yellowmoon

Hi Sallyanne, I don't know much about that I'm afraid. But I think they will want to do more tests if they find that, just to see what's causing it.

Sorry I can't be of more help xx


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## RoseM87

Hi Napermaid, really sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can empathise with it "not feeling right". Even though I had a 6 week scan with a heartbeat before my miscarriage, I still had a sense that there was something wrong - which was right in the end, unfortunately. I guess sometimes we just have a weird intuition about these things. 

In answer to your questions: I haven't got my period back yet but then again I'm only 23 days post my first D&C and 10 days post the second one. 
The doctors told me we could start TTC again as soon as I get my period if we want, but we are also banned from sex for 4 weeks post second D&C (6 weeks in total) so we'll have to wait for that as well! 

Good luck and hope you're feeling all right. It's such a horrible process for anyone to go through.


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## napamermaid

Rose thats awful. 2 d&cs. 1 is hard enough. Has the bleedingg stopped yet?

Its a week tomorrow for me. Bleeding is still here no lighter but no heavier.

I did a pregnancy test and its still blazingly positive....is that normal?


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## RoseM87

For the second one, the bleeding stopped after about 5 days and then only old brown blood when I wiped for a couple of days. got my first negative a week after the procedure (never thought I'd be so happy to see a negative result!) 

After the first one the bleeding stopped straight away and then came back quite heavily after 11 days and I was still getting a positive. That's when I had the ultrasound and they found retained tissue which needed the second d&c. This is RARE though - apparently only 2-5% of cases. So keep it in the back of your mind if symptoms progress but it's probably not going to happen.


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## Sallyanne81

My hcg came down to normal in about a week but it wasn't very high to start with so maybe that can make a difference. My MC at 10.11 wks I bled heavily for about a week, the last one at 5/6 wks I bled lightly but for nearly 2 weeks in total. I think everyone is different. Keep an eye on it and if you are worried have you got a doctor or nurse you can contact?

I'm on progesterone now for the prolactin for 14 days after ovulation, until I have more investigations, so my testing day is next Friday. Any luck with the testing Yellow?


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## alison29

RoseM87 said:


> Hi again everyone,
> 
> Just wondering if any of you have been through this or know anyone who has, because right now I feel freaked out and unlucky and would love to hear some happy stories.
> 
> I spent the weekend in the hospital on IV antibiotics after it was discovered they had left some tissue in following my d&c two weeks ago. I then had to have a second d&c even though there's a higher risk of damage to the uterus doing two surgeries so close together. I'm now super worried that they've stuffed me up inside and I'll never actually be able to get pregnant. Also no sex for 6 weeks in total so TTC is going to take even longer... Can anyone save me from my pity party and tell me about a successful pregnancy following a similar situation?
> 
> Thanks <3

Hi, 
I wanted to chime in so you don’t feel so alone having two procedures. I had d and c at 13 weeks in December. Then at the end of February had strange flood of blood so went to dr and they said something in there so had to have another d an c. So 2 days ago had that. It turns out some polyps had formed for them to remove. Really weird haven’t talked to dr yet. But I understand how awful it is to have this drag on and have two procedures. I hope your ok. Keep us posted.


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## alison29

Napamermaid it depends on how far along you were. It took about 5 weeks for my tests to go negative then af started a couple days later. But the dr was having me do blood work at that point cause she was concerned


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## napamermaid

Thanks for all your replies.
Its so worrying on top of everything else that cycle wont return to normal.
Im 40 and dh is 47 and we had given ttc till end of march. Just havent got time on our hands


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## alison29

I completely understand the urgency you feel to get pregnant again soon. So you are stopping ttc at the end of March?


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## RoseM87

Alison 29, thanks heaps for sharing and I'm equally sorry that has happened to you. I know polyps are fairly common so hopefully it's nothing to worry about! But having more surgery is awful as I know all too well. Fingers crossed for both of us that things get better from here and there are no more unscheduled hospital trips coming.


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## napamermaid

I honestly dont know. We cannot ttc prrsently as bleeding is still here. Tests are still positive so my body still.thinks its pregnant or it thinks i just had a baby
The wait is so awful as i dont know when tests will go neg, when bleeding will stop, when period will return and if i will even ovulate


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## RoseM87

All of that sounds so horrible and I do understand that wait as I'm going through it now too. What you need to rememeber is you only had your d&c very recently so probably what you're experiencing is still 'normal'. I K ow that won't make it go more quickly but at least it doesn't sound like there's a problem yet. I really really hope good things start happening soon and I'm sorry for what you've been through already!


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## napamermaid

Thank you rose for such kind words


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## Sallyanne81

It's true the wait for your first period again after a MC is excruciatingly slow, because you are desperate to try again quickly and you want the bleeding to stop because it's a constant reminder of your loss. 
Thinking of you, remember we're all here for support!


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## RoseM87

Hi all, 

Pretty sure I got my period today. Well, if it's not that it's something much worse! Everything seems exactly like a normal period maybe a little heavier but nothing too serious. This is only 2 1/2 weeks after my second d&c and 4 weeks 2 days after my first one. I'm guessing that my hcg has actually been going down for a while (had a mmc and symptoms started lessening when I still thought i was pregnant before the ultrasound confirmed it had stopped developing 2 weeks prior) so it could make sense but it still seems like 2 1/2 weeks post d&c is quite early. 

Do any of you have any wisdom to give me? I called the hospital and they said I could come in and get a blood test if I want but I can't really take anymore time off work unless I really have to so I'm hesitant to do that at the moment. They basically didn't know.

Anyway it's probably too hard a question but I was just checking in case anyone knows!


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## lesondemavie

Popping back in here. Big hugs to those who have joined.

Sally - my prolactin was high when first tested, but since my tsh was over 2.5 they decided to treat that first. Both prolactin and tsh came down with a low dose of levothyroxine for me. Easy fix. Do you know how high and if they also checked your tsh? I also had low luteal progesterone and estradiol. Progesterone supplements extended my LP but otherwise didn’t help much. Ever since I went on Levo, and added E2 supplements as well as P after O I’ve conceived within 1-3 months before that it took 6-7 cycles each time. It didn’t stop me from miscarrying again though. I really think the answer to that for us is sperm dna fragmentation.

It’s hard to say Rose. My first mmc I used cytotec and all went well, and my second I just needed 1 d&c. It seems early but since your process was a bit more complicated idk. Can you get the blood test on a weekend or early before work?


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## Sallyanne81

Hi Les, yes I had my TSH checked and its the opposite its borderline hyperthyroid, so not what I would have thought, the prolactin was 79 I don't know how high that is. I have noticed a shorter LP and a lot more spotting for days before AF since my last MC so progesterone is helping extend my LP. What are E2 supplements? 

My wonderful BIL/SIL have done some research and told me it's all just stress, very unhelpful comment, but hey what can I expect from her.

the last time my period came about 2 weeks after I stopped bleeding, I bled for about 2 weeks, but I didn't have a D&C so the situation is different, also I was having my bloods regularly checked and had 2 or 3 scans afterwards to check all was OK so I felt much better. I think it would be good to get your bloods checked for peace of mind.


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## Yellowmoon

Hi Rose- sorry no wisdom here. Mine happened on its own at 9.5 weeks, haven't had any follow ups since they said I passed most of it. Bleeding lasted 2 weeks and period came 5 weeks after that. Not sure if that helps.

Hey Sallyanne- it's a no go for me again this month. So onto cycle 5 for me...I think... 

it's taking way longer than I thought it would and getting me quite down. Gonna keep going til my birthday and then I'm having a couple of months break. Which will be May.

I'm probably going to go a bit quiet on here too. Trying not to obsess and google everything at the moment. Hope that's ok.

Good luck for your testing xx


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## mumof1+1

So sorry to everyone else who has joined having recently has a mc. Life is simply cruel. 

I feel I had my first period on 12/3 which was exactly one month to the date from the start of the mc. It lasted a while week and was really heavy. I have had some intermittent bleeding since but nothing major. I have started using OPK as OH seems to have recovered from his demons and we have started dtd again. My app claimed I should have ovulated 2 days ago but OPK was negative so not sure if I’ve missed it or if it hasn’t happened yet. There was a feint line but it wasn’t positive and 2 days later there’s no second line at all so I’m pretty confused right now! 
Wishing everyone luck. I think I’m out this month xxx


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## Sallyanne81

BFN yesterday morning 14 dpo, so I have stopped the progesterone and I'm onto cycle 7 now, meh, I know how you feel Yellow, I think it's probably healthier not to obsess about it all, but it's difficult to do! 

Mum 1+1 my periods after the MCs were different to how they were before, the length of the cycle, the length of AF, and I found I was ovulating later, so you may not be out this month.


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## mumof1+1

Sallyanne81 said:


> Mum 1+1 my periods after the MCs were different to how they were before, the length of the cycle, the length of AF, and I found I was ovulating later, so you may not be out this month.

I’m starting to think that may be the case. I did another OPK this afternoon. It was still negative but seemed darker than the other I took on Tuesday. I have attached the pics, what do you think? I just don’t know what to think or how to feel right now...


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## Kirstyc1994

I can completely relate hun. I had a miscarriage in January at 5+2. I was so desperate for a baby, we kept trying after the bleeding stopped, I had a period last month and thought what's the point, so stopped trying after that.. and this months period never came. I'm now 4+6 weeks pregnant! I would definately agree with the ladies saying let your body rest for 1 month, and also stop thinking so much about trying, for some reason it helps lol. I am petrified at the moment and doing so many tests to make sure the line doesn't get fainter. but all looking good so far. your time will come and I hope it is very soon for you xx


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## Sallyanne81

Hi Kirsty - Thanks for the encouragement and congratulations! It gives me some hope.

Mom1+! - It definitely looks darker to me! Good luck this cycle and happy BDing ;)


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## lesondemavie

Sally - E2 is estradiol. I had low progesterone and estradiol in my luteal phase. The theory was early failure of the corpus luteum from high prolactin. My prolactin was only 28 and my RE likes it under 20.


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## MrsFruitie

7 months since my Mmc and still not pregnant again yet. Feeling really down at the moment and keep breaking into tears. As mentioned in my earlier message next week will be my due date so I’m putting my emotions down to that. 

I’m 3/4dpo at the moment so I don’t think my emotions could be a symptom (still ever hopeful) we BD’d every day for 7 days over ovulation so really keeping our fingers crossed. If no luck this month I think it’s time for a break. 

Hope all you other lovely ladies are doing ok xx


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## Sallyanne81

Hi Frutie, I know how you feel, I'm cycle 7 too and I'm feeling generally irritated by everything at the moment, my SIL is due at the end of the month and I'd have been due the following month. I thought I'd be pregnant again before she had the baby but it's not looking likely at all. I think I'm quite bitter now about it all, they're both unemployed (and have been for 3 years, she's treated the pregnancy like an illness constantly complaining and in bed half the day, she was told not to put more weight on as it could harm the baby and she's still eating like a horse, how selfish! 

I still need to see the endocrinologist so I feel a bit in limbo, I should ovulate next week so it's upsetting me knowing there may be a problem and I don't really know what I should be doing about it.


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## mumof1+1

Hi everyone. I’ve had highs and very lows this cycle. Definitely not feeling it this month. I had a +OPK on 31st, dtd on 29th then nothing as OHwas unwell. I’m suspect af will be due around 14th. Will hold out as long as possible before testing as I really don’t think I’ll cope so well if af arrives. Sad. I know

Good luck everyone xx


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## EmmyDee8

Sorry for everyone’s losses. My DH and I had a MC this year and found out at the 12wk appt there was no heartbeat and baby stopped developing at 8weeks. I have had two cycles since the d&c and am eager to TTC again but still a little scared. This was MC #2. Going to start going to a grieving counselor for MC/pregnancy related issues. I’ve been feeling obsessed about having a baby.


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## LaLa33469

My 1st pregnancy and MC today, it hurts so bad, I just new i would be a mom. I am 37 and afraid it would never happen for me....


----------



## lesondemavie

Hi all, I have a small announcement and I hope you can forgive me for not sharing sooner. I can’t figure out how to do the spoiler thing from my phone right now. So please only read on if/when you’re ready for this announcement.


This secret I’ve been keeping is part of the reason I’ve been pretty quiet as well. I didn’t want to lie to you, but after 4 losses my heart just wasn’t ready until now. I’m nearly 11 weeks pregnant and all seems to be well. I still don’t entirely trust it. I know you all are fighting so hard to be in this exact spot, so please know that my silence was not bc I’m not thankful for this new opportunity. I’m just beaten and bruised and guarded. After everything, a new pregnancy at this point fills me with dread as much as it does joy. I also know all too well those feelings of facing an EDD and birth of a nephew or niece or both without a new pregnancy to give you some hope. I’ve faced most of that twice now. Please keep fighting and moving forward and following your heart. There are no right or wrong answers, there is no right or wrong way to get through this, there’s just you and whatever it is you need and that’s ok. This time I needed to pretend like it wasn’t happening so the worry wouldn’t swallow me whole. I’ve only recently shared this news with my best friends. Before that only my husband knew. Anyway, I’m waiting for an auth on my nipt and hopefully a good nt scan and then I will maybe start believing this is for real. I hope you can all understand and please know I’m rooting for you all. Sally - if you have any more questions about hormones and such and please feel free to reach out. Much love and baby dust to all.


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## Sallyanne81

Hi, really sorry about your losses for those who have just joined, it's such a difficult thing to go through. 

Emmy - I think counselling sounds like such a good idea, I might look for something myself.

Mum1+1 Good luck and fingers crossed for this cycle, try and take it as it comes, easier said than done though, I found the first few AFs the most difficult but mostly because I symptom spotted every little thing and convinced myself I was pregnant each time, it makes it worse.

LaLa - I'm 37 too (well not for long, I'm 38 in a few weeks), the ticking clock is an added stress that we don't need, my husband keeps trying to reassure me that I'm not old and that we have plenty of time. 

Les - OMG!!!!! Congratulations, this is going to sound strange but I was convinced that you were pregnant and had already announced it a few months ago. Thank you for the support and if I have any questions I will let you know, I have an appt with an endo on Friday so I will find out more then.


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## mumof1+1

Sallyanne81 said:


> Mum1+1 Good luck and fingers crossed for this cycle, try and take it as it comes, easier said than done though, I found the first few AFs the most difficult but mostly because I symptom spotted every little thing and convinced myself I was pregnant each time, it makes it worse.

Thank you. Yes it is hard but it’ll happen when it’s ready. 

I’ve felt quite poo since last night, was absolutely exhausted and peeing for England. Also had some cramping too. When I woke up the cramps had gone. They came back for a couple of hours and went again but still peeing for England. I’m currently knackered and feel a bit sick....

Time will tell...... 

Good luck everyone xx


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## lesondemavie

Sallyanne81 said:


> Les - OMG!!!!! Congratulations, this is going to sound strange but I was convinced that you were pregnant and had already announced it a few months ago. Thank you for the support and if I have any questions I will let you know, I have an appt with an endo on Friday so I will find out more then.

Maybe you’re remembering my chemical back in late November?


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## LadyStardust4

lesondemavie said:


> Hi all, I have a small announcement and I hope you can forgive me for not sharing sooner. I can’t figure out how to do the spoiler thing from my phone right now. So please only read on if/when you’re ready for this announcement.
> 
> 
> This secret I’ve been keeping is part of the reason I’ve been pretty quiet as well. I didn’t want to lie to you, but after 4 losses my heart just wasn’t ready until now. I’m nearly 11 weeks pregnant and all seems to be well. I still don’t entirely trust it. I know you all are fighting so hard to be in this exact spot, so please know that my silence was not bc I’m not thankful for this new opportunity. I’m just beaten and bruised and guarded. After everything, a new pregnancy at this point fills me with dread as much as it does joy. I also know all too well those feelings of facing an EDD and birth of a nephew or niece or both without a new pregnancy to give you some hope. I’ve faced most of that twice now. Please keep fighting and moving forward and following your heart. There are no right or wrong answers, there is no right or wrong way to get through this, there’s just you and whatever it is you need and that’s ok. This time I needed to pretend like it wasn’t happening so the worry wouldn’t swallow me whole. I’ve only recently shared this news with my best friends. Before that only my husband knew. Anyway, I’m waiting for an auth on my nipt and hopefully a good nt scan and then I will maybe start believing this is for real. I hope you can all understand and please know I’m rooting for you all. Sally - if you have any more questions about hormones and such and please feel free to reach out. Much love and baby dust to all.

Lesondemavie - I am so pleased to hear this although I agree - pregnancy after a loss is no picnic. It's anxiety inducing and it's scary. But with every passing week, hopefully we can start trusting our bodies and feel more positive!

I keep an eye on this group to see how my old pals are doing so it's lovely to hear such positive news.

Thinking of all of you on your journeys and wishing for happy endings to everyone. xx


----------



## mumof1+1

Congratulations lesondemavie im really happy for you. 

Well my OH is completely convinced I’m pregnant what with my symptoms and the fact he’s had nausea and thrown up as he did when we were pregnant before. Only a few more days and I can confirm either way for him... 

Good luck everyone xxx


----------



## Sallyanne81

Les - maybe it was Nov I was thinking about, I am very easily confused ha ha, I'm so happy for you, let us know how you get on, I think most of the original girls on this thread are pregnant to that should give us all hope for the future no matter how long or hard the journey is to get there.

Mum 1+1 - All my fingers and toes are crossed for you this month, it sounds promising! 

I've got my endo appt this afternoon, feel a bit anxious about what they will say, I feel I just need some reassurance at the moment to say either there is something wrong or there isn't.


----------



## mumof1+1

Sallyanne81 said:


> Mum 1+1 - All my fingers and toes are crossed for you this month, it sounds promising!
> 
> I've got my endo appt this afternoon, feel a bit anxious about what they will say, I feel I just need some reassurance at the moment to say either there is something wrong or there isn't.

Thank you. I did test today but not sure I’m seeing much. Something’s catching my eye but it’s not obvious:-k (attached for opinions).

Hope your appointment went well hun xx


----------



## Sallyanne81

Mum 1+1 - something is catching my eye too but its so hard on the computer screen. Try again in a day or two, how many DPO are you?

I have neg OPK today so still waiting. The endo appt was good but I'm still non the wiser he said the issues I have wouldn't cause problems with pregnancy and thinks my high prolactin was because the lab I used didn't do the test properly. He recommended having it rechecked, vit D and something else I have forgotten already then will see. So back to more tests! I think after spending thousands on blood tests it will all come back normal!


----------



## mumof1+1

Sallyanne81 said:


> Mum 1+1 - something is catching my eye too but its so hard on the computer screen. Try again in a day or two, how many DPO are you?

I’m guessing 12dpo today as OPK was positive on 31st. Tested again this morning and it’s stark white. I’m not hopeful. In fact right now all hope is lost. No af symptoms at all not even sore boobs which I always get 3/4 days before and also had 4 days before bfp in December. I’m totally lost and out of hope right now. Thank you for looking. 

Sorry you didn’t get answers hun. It must be frustrating xx


----------



## RoseM87

Hi again everyone, hope you're all going okay. 

I've been finding it really hard emotionally the last few weeks but I guess that's normal - I'm sure you all know how it feels, sadly. As of 10 days ago I was finally allowed to have sex again following the surgeries so that's positive! Did it pretty consistently over that time and according to my app I was probably ovulating over the weekend (I couldn't really bring myself to try to figure out my symptoms and whether I was or wasn't) which means I guess I'm officially in the TWW again but I'm not that hopeful either... 

Sending all my best baby vibes out to everyone and congratulations to all who have got their BFPs!


----------



## Sallyanne81

Mumof1+1 - Sorry no BFP, I was so hopeful for you. I had a strange thing after my MCs I had a change in my pre-AF symptoms too, so it made it really hard to symptom spot.

Hi Rose - so glad you can do the deed again :) that must be a relief, after all the waiting you can try again. Good luck with the 2ww!

I'm still waiting for a positive OPK, trying to get pregnant is full of waiting!


----------



## wantingagirl

Hi there ladies...... we are ttc#5 our last. I got a bfp at 12dpo which made me worry sick as I usually get them earlier. Today I started heavy bleeding so this will be loss #5 :(


----------



## Sallyanne81

Hi wantingagirl, so sorry you are going through this again, how are you doing now?


----------



## Yellowmoon

Hello ladies,

So sorry to all our new group members, it's such a hard time, but venting does really help. Hope you're all doing OK.

Sorry Ive been MIA for a while, I wanted to try and forget the whole ttc for a while because it was getting me down seeing BFNs every month and obsessing over every little thing.

My husband and I took a trip to Venice a couple weeks ago and it turns out we actually managed to conceive. I found out a couple days ago. I am very happy and feel blessed. This was our 5th or 6th cycle since the miscarriage. I am choosing to be joyful about this pregnancy in the moment and trying not to worry about the worst happening. It's hard to do, but either way I will be devestated if I lose another pregnancy so I may as well be happy right now, knowing I am pregnant. If you get what I mean LOL. 

I started spotting brown 3ish days ago (which is what made me think I was pregnant to begin with) and it's still there a bit. Still light and brown but I am a bit worried. I am also feeling a lot of symptoms so trying to remain positive.

I had quite a lot of cramping the night before the BFP so I'm hoping the bean was burrowing in there good and proper which has caused the bleeding...

Keeping my fingers crossed for all of you and praying for a sticky bean xxxx


----------



## RoseM87

Yellowmoon, that's amazing! So happy for you!! Sending all my stickiest vibes to you.


----------



## Yellowmoon

Thank you so much Rose :dust:


----------



## Sallyanne81

Wow Yellow, so happy for you! Italy bought you some baby dust! 

I saw my nephew yesterday, it went fine because I had my meltdown the day before so I got it all out of my system. I hope that the baby helps BIL and SIL to grow up a bit now, I'm not too hopeful though.

Well I've been spotting for 5 days now, since 7dpo, just a small bit in the pad/when I'm wiping. BFN on Saturday morning I know that was early to test but I am positive I am out this month.


----------



## Yellowmoon

Thanks Sallyanne!

My fingers are crossed for you! I had spotting quite early on before the BFP. It continued for about 2/3 days after as well, so it might be a good sign for you. 

I'll keep watching this thread for updates, I really want everyone to get their rainbows. 

I'll let you guys know how I get on too. Still really anxious but the symptoms are ramping up so I'm feeling ok. 4 weeks and 5 days now. Seems like time is moving 10000x slower since I found out.


----------



## Sallyanne81

Hi, unfortunately BFN, after 7 days of spotting AF arrived yesterday, just in time for me to go to the hospital so SIL/BIL could take their baby home, what good timing.

I stood there looking at all the pregnant ladies about to give birth, including a few who had been smoking outside (on their 3rd and 4th kids), I watched as they bought down all the babies who were going home that day not knowing if that will ever be me one day. Then I sat and listened to BIL saying how there was no better feeling in the world than to look at your wife and child. I watched him looking at the baby how I want my husband to look at our child. Then listened to his opinion that all my problems are just due to stress. I don't know what the feeling is, is it jealousy, I just don't know to describe the pain I feel. I just about managed to hold back the tears.

We're trying to get a referral to an infertility clinic tomorrow for more help. It has been nearly 2 years of trying and I have nothing to show for it, apart from emotionally it has taken its toll on me, I am not the same happy person I once was. I think I need time out from trying as I'm not coping but I'm 38 and I can't waste precious time. 

I'm going to go missing from here too, so I want to thank the amazing, stronger than you will ever know women on here for you support over these months. You have been through such heartache and you have come out the other side still fighting. Hopefully one day I can update this with a happy rainbow ending too. Wishing you all the baby dust in the world and for fantastic pregnancies and babies to all the BFPers. Lots of hugs xxx


----------



## mumof1+1

Well I’m back! AF arrived last month and I’m back where I was last month. Unsure if I’ve ovulated and been too late with the OPK as they’ve gone darker to faint and darker again. How confusing! Retesting with OPK later today. Apps using long cycle last month so claim I’m in my fertile week with O due anytime so can’t be certain. I promised myself last month I’d not do this this month yet I have anyway. How stupid am I!!! Here’s my latest string of OPK’s....Totally confused..... again x


----------



## Yellowmoon

Sallyanne81 said:


> Hi, unfortunately BFN, after 7 days of spotting AF arrived yesterday, just in time for me to go to the hospital so SIL/BIL could take their baby home, what good timing.
> 
> I stood there looking at all the pregnant ladies about to give birth, including a few who had been smoking outside (on their 3rd and 4th kids), I watched as they bought down all the babies who were going home that day not knowing if that will ever be me one day. Then I sat and listened to BIL saying how there was no better feeling in the world than to look at your wife and child. I watched him looking at the baby how I want my husband to look at our child. Then listened to his opinion that all my problems are just due to stress. I don't know what the feeling is, is it jealousy, I just don't know to describe the pain I feel. I just about managed to hold back the tears.
> 
> We're trying to get a referral to an infertility clinic tomorrow for more help. It has been nearly 2 years of trying and I have nothing to show for it, apart from emotionally it has taken its toll on me, I am not the same happy person I once was. I think I need time out from trying as I'm not coping but I'm 38 and I can't waste precious time.
> 
> I'm going to go missing from here too, so I want to thank the amazing, stronger than you will ever know women on here for you support over these months. You have been through such heartache and you have come out the other side still fighting. Hopefully one day I can update this with a happy rainbow ending too. Wishing you all the baby dust in the world and for fantastic pregnancies and babies to all the BFPers. Lots of hugs xxx

Oh SallyAnne, I know exactly how you feel. It's horrible. I still get those pangs of judgement and maybe even hatred when I see awful people with all their kids. They don't know how lucky they are. Sometimes I feel like no one deserves their kids unless they have had to go through heartache to get to them. It's terrible I know, but the mind just goes there. I try and look at it in a more positive light though. When we are eventually blessed with our own children we will be the most loving mothers there ever was and our children will be sooo happy and lucky to have us!

You take as much time as you need lovely lady. I am really hoping for your rainbow, you really deserve it. I know it will happen for you. 

Xxxxx

Mumof1+1- good luck catching your O! I don't know much about those tests so not much help on that front. I need those digi ones that's tell me in black and white haha xx 

Baby dust to everyone :dust:


----------



## Nima

Hello ladies, I'm so sorry for your losses and also glad to see there are also bfps after this horror. 

I am currently miscarrying after I was diagnosed with a missed abortion at 9 weeks. The embryo still had a slow heartbeat and I had to wait for 5 days until it stopped and I could take misoprostol to start the abortion. It was the worst thing I ever had to wait for. Then there was an incomplete abortion and yesterday I had to take the pill again. This was devastating for me. I am in pain, heartbroken and depleted. I am out of shape and still have huge breasts from being pregnant but I am not. It feels so horrible. I just want this nightmare to be over.


----------



## RoseM87

Sallyanne, I rememeber sitting in the waiting room at the Royal Women's Hospital before I got admitted for my second d&c for a mmc and I saw so many people coming in in the early stages of labour smoking, drinking giant bottles of coke, being so blase about it and it made me quite bitter as well. I'm sure it's a common feeling. I'm sorry for everything you've been through and I hope getting the referral makes a difference.

Nima, I'm so sorry also for what's happening to you. It's such a horrendous thing. Nothing will make it feel better in the short term - and even long term it's truly awful. It does get easier, though. When your body starts getting back to 'normal' it starts to make you realise we are amazing and can get through anything.

Ladies, I have a sort of weird question. How far would you go to try to conceive at the right time? My OH is away for work almost this whole month. I'm pretty sure I should ovulate this Wednesday or Thursday, but he won't be back until Friday (just for two nights as well). I'm worried that will be too late. I could drive 3 1/2 hours after work on Wednesday to see him, which would mean missing the morning of work on Thursday. Does this seem excessive? Should I just forget about this month all together? It's just been almost 3 months since my miscarriage and I really want to be pregnsnt again. But would that be going way too far? I need to check that I'm not actually losing my mind over this stuff..


----------



## MrsFruitie

It’s been awhile since anyone has posted on here. I hope everyone’s doing ok? 

Still no luck on the pregnancy front here, 8 months since mmc. Feeling very down about it at the moment as I feel like it will never happen, and I worry about it happening again if i do get pregnant. My head is a mess...


----------



## wantingagirl

Is this thread still active? I’m on my first proper 2ww since my #5 loss over the years


----------



## MrsFruitie

I’m still here. I started this group in September and think I might be the last lady left. Most of the other ladies have become pregnant again which fills me with hope for myself and happiness for them. 

Have you just started the 2WW wantingagirl? I’m very sorry for your loss, and to hear you’ve had so many.

The witch is currently in town for me, so waiting for her to pass so we can try again this month x


----------



## rickyandlucy

Mind if I join? On my second cycle since MC. Currently waiting for AF. :(


----------



## MrsFruitie

I think I’ve finally got my BFP after our miscarriage back in September! Picture attached. 9 or 10 dpo. Had a slight pink spotting at 6/7dpo and sharp pain in my left side over today and yesterday. Fingers crossed this bean sticks! 

Hello to everyone who has just joined and I’m sorry for your losses. Please do not give up hope, we will all conceive our rainbow babies when our bodies are healed ❤️ We are all strong powerful warrior women xx


----------



## Nima

@MrsFruitie congratulations! I wish you happy, healthy and easy 9 months. Thank you for sharing here, it really does give me hope.


----------



## Nima

@rickyandlucy I am so sorry for your loss


----------



## co_fostermom

Hi MrsFrutie, can I join you? I just suffered a missed miscarriage as well and had the d&c last Thursday. Still recovering physically. This is my second miscarriage. My first was in October and I passed the baby naturally, so I totally understand why you wouldn't want to go through that. I didn't want to a second time either. 

Anyway, I'm currently in the NTNP category - we've been ttc for nearly 9 years now and are tired and need a break, but I'm also looking into surrogacy and I just emailed a doctor in Chicago (I'm in Washington state), who is supposed to be good with recurrent miscarriages. We'll see if she gets back to me. I'm so sorry for your loss but I'd love to join you in this journey.


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## mumof1+1

I too just got my bfp after a mc in Feb. I’d been off the coil 5 months and it’s been 5 months since the mc. Feeling like 5 months was my lucky time...

IC 9dpo
Frer 10dpo

I’m cautiously excited. Hope the early bfp means all will progress nicely. Fingers crossed. 

Good luck to everyone still ttc. Don’t give up hope ladies xxx


----------



## Nima

@mumof1+1 congratulations! 

@co_fostermom I am so so sorry for your loss. I was so excited to see your bfp after such a journey and it must be really devastating to lose it. 

I find it so difficult not to be able to start trying again, since I have an incomplete miscarriage and have to probably do a d&c soon. So much waiting, so many hopes...


----------



## co_fostermom

Nima I'm so sorry. I'm just barely in the recovery stage. My bleeding got a little bit heavier yesterday which was terrifying but the doctor said that can be normal as long as it's not super heavy (like filling a pad in an hour or less). Today the bleeding has almost stopped which I didn't expect. This is such a rollercoaster. Believe me, I want to start again right away too. And I asked a friend if she would be a surrogate and I'm sure she doesn't want to answer right away (which is a good thing) but the wait for her answer is honestly torture. The only thing I honestly can do now is take supplements and hope they do something to help. Besides that I'm going to start a yoga routine once I get back from the wedding I'm in this upcoming weekend (which should also give the bleeding time to stop completely), and then I'm going to continue with the healthy eating habits. I got off them a bit when I was pregnant because I wasn't sure I was actually getting my body enough calories/ nutrients.


----------



## co_fostermom

MrsFrutie and Mumof1 CONGRATS! I hope everything goes super well this time.


----------



## mumof1+1

co_fostermom said:


> Hi MrsFrutie, can I join you? I just suffered a missed miscarriage as well and had the d&c last Thursday. Still recovering physically. This is my second miscarriage. My first was in October and I passed the baby naturally, so I totally understand why you wouldn't want to go through that. I didn't want to a second time either.
> 
> Anyway, I'm currently in the NTNP category - we've been ttc for nearly 9 years now and are tired and need a break, but I'm also looking into surrogacy and I just emailed a doctor in Chicago (I'm in Washington state), who is supposed to be good with recurrent miscarriages. We'll see if she gets back to me. I'm so sorry for your loss but I'd love to join you in this journey.

I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss. Big hugs for you x



Nima said:


> @mumof1+1 congratulations!
> 
> I find it so difficult not to be able to start trying again, since I have an incomplete miscarriage and have to probably do a d&c soon. So much waiting, so many hopes...

Thank you. And big hugs for you also. I’m very sorry to hear of your loss xx


----------



## Nima

@co_fostermom it's good to read that you are taking good care of yourself and taking time to recover. I take inspiration from you and will start my supplements today as well, after not taking them as if to punish anyone... 
Big hugs to you and I hope the bleeding soon stops <3


----------



## MrsFruitie

mumof1+1 said:


> I too just got my bfp after a mc in Feb. I’d been off the coil 5 months and it’s been 5 months since the mc. Feeling like 5 months was my lucky time...
> 
> IC 9dpo
> Frer 10dpo
> 
> I’m cautiously excited. Hope the early bfp means all will progress nicely. Fingers crossed.
> 
> Good luck to everyone still ttc. Don’t give up hope ladies xxx
> 
> View attachment 1063561
> View attachment 1063562

Congratulations!!!

When will your due date be if all ok? I’ll be a March 2020 baby so I’m looking for people to talk to through the pregnancy due around the same time (if my little bean sticks- fingers crossed) xx


----------



## mumof1+1

MrsFruitie said:


> Congratulations!!!
> 
> When will your due date be if all ok? I’ll be a March 2020 baby so I’m looking for people to talk to through the pregnancy due around the same time (if my little bean sticks- fingers crossed) xx

My due date as long as baby sticks will be 14th March. I’ve joined the march 2020 thread :p I’m always about. Feel free to inbox anytime hun. Fingers crossed for us both xx


----------



## LadyStardust4

MrsFruitie said:


> I think I’ve finally got my BFP after our miscarriage back in September! Picture attached. 9 or 10 dpo. Had a slight pink spotting at 6/7dpo and sharp pain in my left side over today and yesterday. Fingers crossed this bean sticks!
> 
> Hello to everyone who has just joined and I’m sorry for your losses. Please do not give up hope, we will all conceive our rainbow babies when our bodies are healed ❤️ We are all strong powerful warrior women xx
> 
> View attachment 1063383

MrsFruitie!!!! I’ve been quietly stalking this thread and waiting for you to get your BFP! This has genuinely put a massive smile on my face and I’m so happy for you. 

Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months xxx


----------



## wantingagirl

MrsFruitie said:


> I’m still here. I started this group in September and think I might be the last lady left. Most of the other ladies have become pregnant again which fills me with hope for myself and happiness for them.
> 
> Have you just started the 2WW wantingagirl? I’m very sorry for your loss, and to hear you’ve had so many.
> 
> The witch is currently in town for me, so waiting for her to pass so we can try again this month x

Oh yay congrats hun! I got my bfp this cycle and currently going through another consecutive loss! :( #6 xx


----------



## wantingagirl

co_fostermom said:


> Nima I'm so sorry. I'm just barely in the recovery stage. My bleeding got a little bit heavier yesterday which was terrifying but the doctor said that can be normal as long as it's not super heavy (like filling a pad in an hour or less). Today the bleeding has almost stopped which I didn't expect. This is such a rollercoaster. Believe me, I want to start again right away too. And I asked a friend if she would be a surrogate and I'm sure she doesn't want to answer right away (which is a good thing) but the wait for her answer is honestly torture. The only thing I honestly can do now is take supplements and hope they do something to help. Besides that I'm going to start a yoga routine once I get back from the wedding I'm in this upcoming weekend (which should also give the bleeding time to stop completely), and then I'm going to continue with the healthy eating habits. I got off them a bit when I was pregnant because I wasn't sure I was actually getting my body enough calories/ nutrients.

What supplements hun?


----------



## co_fostermom

I'm currently taking my prenatal which also has DHA in it (prescription strength), and then I'm taking a Myo-Inositol and D-chiro Inositol blend, Vitamin D and coQ10. Sounds like a lot but I spread them out through the day. Vitamin D and one dose of the Inositol in the morning and prenatal, coQ10 and second dose of Inositol in the afternoon/ evening.


----------



## wantingagirl

co_fostermom said:


> I'm currently taking my prenatal which also has DHA in it (prescription strength), and then I'm taking a Myo-Inositol and D-chiro Inositol blend, Vitamin D and coQ10. Sounds like a lot but I spread them out through the day. Vitamin D and one dose of the Inositol in the morning and prenatal, coQ10 and second dose of Inositol in the afternoon/ evening.

Interesting... what’s the myo-inositol & d-chiro for? How much q-10 not sure if dha is In mine. I’m on pregnacare, d3 but not sure which dose I should start taking, b-50 complex and ordered progesterone cream since no bloody hospital in U.K. are willing to help me. I’m going to try cut out all refined sugar and I just bought ubiquonal for me and my husband £100 a month though! Is it q—10 or ubiquonal you take what dose? I also ordered the book ‘it starts with the egg’


----------



## wantingagirl

co_fostermom said:


> I'm currently taking my prenatal which also has DHA in it (prescription strength), and then I'm taking a Myo-Inositol and D-chiro Inositol blend, Vitamin D and coQ10. Sounds like a lot but I spread them out through the day. Vitamin D and one dose of the Inositol in the morning and prenatal, coQ10 and second dose of Inositol in the afternoon/ evening.

And what dose of vitamin d3 are you on


----------



## co_fostermom

I'm on 1000 IU of vitamin D because I have a deficiency. 200 mg of the coQ10. The inositol helps with ovarian production, egg quality, and hormonal balance. DHA is easy to find in its own supplementation form if it's not in your prenatal. Not many prenatals also include DHA - mine is a prescription strength (vitapearl...check them out and ask your doctor for a scrip, although it might be a US company). 

I'm sorry doctors aren't willing to help. Can you find a RE? They tend to know a lot more about reproductive health than even ob/gyns. It's crazy to me how little ob/gyns actually know about infertility. You would think that's a main part of their job, but no. That's why reproductive endocrinologists exist. 

Hope that helps!


----------



## wantingagirl

co_fostermom said:


> I'm on 1000 IU of vitamin D because I have a deficiency. 200 mg of the coQ10. The inositol helps with ovarian production, egg quality, and hormonal balance. DHA is easy to find in its own supplementation form if it's not in your prenatal. Not many prenatals also include DHA - mine is a prescription strength (vitapearl...check them out and ask your doctor for a scrip, although it might be a US company).
> 
> I'm sorry doctors aren't willing to help. Can you find a RE? They tend to know a lot more about reproductive health than even ob/gyns. It's crazy to me how little ob/gyns actually know about infertility. You would think that's a main part of their job, but no. That's why reproductive endocrinologists exist.
> 
> Hope that helps!

Seems everything im reading though 4000IU in d3 is in safe limits even on nhs website? My vitamin I got given with Leo was 400IU which seems nothing. Just needing to maybe a decision as my 4,000iu are on there way in the post. Doctor looked at me like I was mad to take more than 400IU so not sure what to do?

Im on 400mg of ubiquonal I hope that’s not too much.

Things like that don’t exist here in the UK!

No idea also what to do about my b-complex :shrug:


----------



## co_fostermom

Your prenatal might have b in it. Also your prenatal probably has d3 in it, so watch out for that. I have three different supplements I'm currently that have d3 in it. Just pay attention to what's in your supplements because it's not always just what is labeled. Some vitamins/ minerals interact with each other negatively. What is the ubiquonol for?

I've met lots of women on here who live in the UK who are currently seeing fertility specialists. They exist. You just have to know where to look. There's lots of terms for them - reproductive endocrinologists are the formal term. Fertility specialists, reproductive health, infertility care, etc. 

Anyway, just make sure your supplements don't interact negatively or you're getting too much of a vitamin/ mineral because it's hidden in other supplements. A lot of companies mix them in because they're good for us! Also, Amazon has a great selection of high quality organic supplements. Try to start with the organic version of whatever you're taking first because it's most likely better quality, and some cases actually real (yes there are "fake" or synthetic versions of almost everything). 

Hope it all works out for you!


----------



## wantingagirl

Hi ladies...... 

I’m trying this I’ll let you know if it works!


----------



## co_fostermom

What's in it?


----------



## wantingagirl

The pre-Conceive Formula | Pillar Healthcare

And a omega capsule


----------



## kits

Hi ladies, sorry to hear about all the losses, but it's great to see so many got their bfp's!! 

I've been an off /on member since 2013. Had several mc's before I finally got my beautiful little girl in 2015. We're both really wanting another but once again haven't been so lucky. 2 consecutive mc's, lost the sac yesterday and my symptoms are now almost entirely gone. Previously had one this time last year.

I'm currently at peace with what's happened, but I'm finally ready to start taking coq10 - I just don't have a clue as to what brand, any suggestions? From what I've read 600mg is recommended for older women (I'm 39) but they're quite expensive, still cheaper than ivf, but not sure if to go for some of the cheaper brands.


----------



## co_fostermom

This is what I take. For fertility they recommend 200mg but I don't know about recs for older women.


----------



## co_fostermom

And I'm so sorry about your recent loss and all previous losses. Miscarriages suck. If only there were more answers.


----------



## wantingagirl

co_fostermom said:


> And I'm so sorry about your recent loss and all previous losses. Miscarriages suck. If only there were more answers.

Do you know for us older ones q-10 is needed with a higher amount and ubiquonal (is the more readily more expensive form)


----------



## MrsFruitie

LadyStardust4 said:


> MrsFruitie!!!! I’ve been quietly stalking this thread and waiting for you to get your BFP! This has genuinely put a massive smile on my face and I’m so happy for you.
> 
> Wishing you a happy and healthy 9 months xxx

Thank you so much 6 weeks now and have my first midwife appt on Monday. Stressing as have zero symptoms which happened with my loss, but we will see how it goes!! Xxx


----------



## co_fostermom

Oh MrsFruitie I'll be praying for you and that your appointment goes well!


----------



## kits

Best of luck MrsFruitie!


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## Kez247

Hi hun ive had 2 missed miscarriages back to back.march was most recent and we are ttc again im 40 dh is 45 so feel age is the factor for us as had tests all came back normal 6 dpo today af due on my birthday praying for a bfp xx


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## co_fostermom

Baby :dust: Kez247!

GL at your appointment today MrsFruitie!


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## wantingagirl

I’m still here struggling a bit waiting for first af after my loss this one is always the worst!


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## kits

Hiya Wanting, how come you decided to wait? How far along were you when you had your loss?

I'm only asking because I wasn't sure what to do. We ended up trying again, I'm ok if we don't get lucky this cycle though. 

Do you get ovulation pains?


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## wantingagirl

kits said:


> Hiya Wanting, how come you decided to wait? How far along were you when you had your loss?
> 
> I'm only asking because I wasn't sure what to do. We ended up trying again, I'm ok if we don't get lucky this cycle though.
> 
> Do you get ovulation pains?

Oh hey hun..... sorry I meant I’m waiting for af temp dropped so should be here tomorrow not that I waited one cycle. Yes I get ovulation pains every month 

I’ve had 6 losses in totally hun one at 9 weeks, 2 around 6 week mark or just less and 3 chemicals xx


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## kits

Awww, huge hugs. Our very first month ttc we got our first bfp & that was the most heart breaking.

Have you been referred to clinic at all for your losses? I finally have an appointment, but not until October. How have you been feeling with your pre concieve?

I'm always so tired all the time that I don't risk taking Ubiquinol in the morning even though it's recommended.


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## co_fostermom

FX'd wanting!

AFM AF showed up last week. I'm on CD7 today and AF is still on. I want to move on, I'm not sure if I'll get serious about trying this month but I am definitely ready for the middle part of my cycle if you catch my drift. I am very thankful that AF even showed up this soon. I had a normal 32 day cycle after my D&C which to me is astounding. After my first mc I never really had a real period. I had one day of spotting almost three months later and my clinic okayed me for a second FET cycle. That one didn't take but after that cycle was actually my first AF and that was in January. So, a long time (miscarriage happened at the beginning of October). And I have PCOS so normal 30 day cycles aren't a thing for me. Anyway, I'm really happy about this but now I'm definitely done with AF for a bit. Grrr! 

:dust: to everyone able to try this month!


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## hmmohrma

Hi ladies. I’ve been in and off these forums for years, and now I’m back on. We started trying for #2 in August 2018. We had 2 chemical pregnancies, a uteroscopy where the RE removed a large fibroid, then got a BFP cycle 1 after the procedure, and got the call yesterday that my hcg is dropping. It hit me pretty hard. Lots of crying. I’m so thankful for my miracle daughter, but I just want her to have one sibling. DH said last night we’ll keep trying, and I just hope we get another living child sooner than later. This is eating away at me, and I’m so over the ttc phase of life. 

I’ve scrolled through a few pages of the thread, but I don’t know anything about coq10 or most of the supplements you’re talking about. I take a multivitamin, fish oil (and try to eat fish at least once a week), vitamin d, and 25 mcg levothyroxine for an elevated thyroid antibody. That was what we thought caused my losses, but I guess we were wrong.


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## mimi4

hmmohrma - I am sorry to know you story but I am sure you will get pregnant soon. **


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## Nima

@hmmohrma I'm so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking.

I really understand you about the supplements... I take more and more of them with every month that passes without a bfp and it is getting a bit out of hand. I call it my superstitions. Anyway I do only take supplements for which I found some supporting evidence in research (not quality evidence though). I take ovaboost, l-arginine, vitamin D, folate, DHA and sometimes iron (not daily).


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## hmmohrma

I bought coQ10 today. I’m almost out of folic acid, and I’m going to switch to folate. I also feel like it’s a bit superstitious, but I’m okay with that. Placebo effects are real, right? I haven’t started bleeding yet. It’s unfortunate. It gives me hope when I know it shouldn’t be there. I’m just ready for this to be in the past so we can move on.


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## wantingagirl

kits said:


> Awww, huge hugs. Our very first month ttc we got our first bfp & that was the most heart breaking.
> 
> Have you been referred to clinic at all for your losses? I finally have an appointment, but not until October. How have you been feeling with your pre concieve?
> 
> I'm always so tired all the time that I don't risk taking Ubiquinol in the morning even though it's recommended.

I have a referral for August 22nd and just got my cd3 bloods done the other day. Not sure what they can do as they did jack all the last time I was referred. 
I feel like I have more energy like I did when I took maca. I’m going to try maca again soon if nothing happens. How come you won’t take it in the morning hun? 



Nima said:


> @hmmohrma I'm so sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking.
> 
> I really understand you about the supplements... I take more and more of them with every month that passes without a bfp and it is getting a bit out of hand. I call it my superstitions. Anyway I do only take supplements for which I found some supporting evidence in research (not quality evidence though). I take ovaboost, l-arginine, vitamin D, folate, DHA and sometimes iron (not daily).

I’m the same don’t like adding too many things in!


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## wantingagirl

I should be either be 3 months or 6 months even had a dream I was 5 months pregnant last night :cry: I was an absolute fool to think things would be easy this time *sigh*


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## hmmohrma

wantingagirl said:


> I should be either be 3 months or 6 months even had a dream I was 5 months pregnant last night :cry: I was an absolute fool to think things would be easy this time *sigh*

The dream must have been miserable to wake up from. I’m so sorry. Does it usually take you a lot of cycles to conceive?


I feel the same way about feeling foolish. I thought we were ready to go this time. To make matters worse, I’m not bleeding yet AND my poas tests have gotten darker and not lighter. It’s giving me false hope. I expected to bleed by now, so I’ll call the RE tomorrow to see what they want to do.


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## wantingagirl

hmmohrma said:


> The dream must have been miserable to wake up from. I’m so sorry. Does it usually take you a lot of cycles to conceive?
> 
> 
> I feel the same way about feeling foolish. I thought we were ready to go this time. To make matters worse, I’m not bleeding yet AND my poas tests have gotten darker and not lighter. It’s giving me false hope. I expected to bleed by now, so I’ll call the RE tomorrow to see what they want to do.

Sorry if I missed this, are you currently going through a loss right now? 

It’s hit and miss for me. Cody took 14 months, Olivia was 2 years 2 months but was 8 months after my loss, my consecutive losses before Leo took over a year each, that was hell. My first loss this time took 5-6 months trying properly then the next one was 3 months xx


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## hmmohrma

@wantingagirl its okay. I just joined the thread a few days ago. My faint positive was Monday. Hcg was 34. Wednesday my hcg was 29. The nurse called and said call back when I start bleeding. Well, now it’s Sunday, I’m not bleeding and my poas tests are getting darker. I’m going to call tomorrow to get another blood test. I usually start bleeding fairly quickly. 

Waiting to conceive when we know our chances of healthy pregnancy is just so hard. We typically conceive easily the first try and then it takes 5 or so months for the next BFP. I had a big fibroid removed from my uterus in June, and we were hoping that was causing my two recent losses. I guess we were wrong. Now I’m worried it’s ectopic bc they said the hcg dropped but the poas is getting darker.


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## co_fostermom

Oh I'm so sorry hmmohrma. I wish I could give you a hug because pregnancy can be so confusing. I hope you get answers soon and are able to move forward, whatever the outcome. :hugs:


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## hmmohrma

@co_fostermom thank you. I went back for bloods today, and now the hcg is rising normally after a drop last Wednesday. So frustrating. My RE called me today and said he doesn’t want me to restart progesterone in case something is wrong. I repeat blood on Wednesday. We’ll make a decision about ultrasound or waiting for miscarriage at that point. I’m freaking out. Just playing the old infertility game of wait wait wait. 

@wantingagirl why did they do bloods at cd3? And did you get a referral to a different doctor after not being happy with the last referral?


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## co_fostermom

That is so hard hmmohrma. 

I had a difficult day today as my recent loss really hit me hard. I honestly don't know how I managed to smile at the very pregnant lady across a work meeting from me today as she very proudly announced to everyone that she would "not be in the office from September to February" and not burst out in uncontrollable tears. I so badly want to still be pregnant right now. And that was my third loss in a year. I should actually be holding my baby right now had I not lost my first. And I'm getting close to the point that I'd be holding my second had the transfer been successful. I'd be well into the second trimester now with this last one. Ugh. It's just so d*mn hard!


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## wantingagirl

hmmohrma said:


> @co_fostermom thank you. I went back for bloods today, and now the hcg is rising normally after a drop last Wednesday. So frustrating. My RE called me today and said he doesn’t want me to restart progesterone in case something is wrong. I repeat blood on Wednesday. We’ll make a decision about ultrasound or waiting for miscarriage at that point. I’m freaking out. Just playing the old infertility game of wait wait wait.
> 
> @wantingagirl why did they do bloods at cd3? And did you get a referral to a different doctor after not being happy with the last referral?

I did request someone different but the letter doesn’t specify who it is so this might get awkward :haha: 

Cd3 is LH and FSH then I’ll need progesterone checked at 7dpo


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## wantingagirl

co_fostermom said:


> That is so hard hmmohrma.
> 
> I had a difficult day today as my recent loss really hit me hard. I honestly don't know how I managed to smile at the very pregnant lady across a work meeting from me today as she very proudly announced to everyone that she would "not be in the office from September to February" and not burst out in uncontrollable tears. I so badly want to still be pregnant right now. And that was my third loss in a year. I should actually be holding my baby right now had I not lost my first. And I'm getting close to the point that I'd be holding my second had the transfer been successful. I'd be well into the second trimester now with this last one. Ugh. It's just so d*mn hard!

I’m the same it’s so damn hard! I have seen so many pregnant ladies and some babies born In the time I’ve been trying and a fb announcement too ugh!


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## hmmohrma

I’m a teacher. After my 2nd loss (mmc at 9 week ultrasound the heart had stopped a few days prior). I burst into tears during a luncheon after hearing the girl who teaches next to me had her baby. I had to run out of the room. That was about 4 years ago. Just feeling sad or negative emotions about other people’s pregnancy makes me feel ick. I can’t help it though. It’s even worse when people don’t want the babies or aren’t in a position to have another child but had an oops (the story of all my in-laws lives).


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## wantingagirl

hmmohrma said:


> I’m a teacher. After my 2nd loss (mmc at 9 week ultrasound the heart had stopped a few days prior). I burst into tears during a luncheon after hearing the girl who teaches next to me had her baby. I had to run out of the room. That was about 4 years ago. Just feeling sad or negative emotions about other people’s pregnancy makes me feel ick. I can’t help it though. It’s even worse when people don’t want the babies or aren’t in a position to have another child but had an oops (the story of all my in-laws lives).

Totally get it, for some reason though this time I don’t feel like this. I seen a newborn 2 weeks old yesterday whilst serving a customer he was so gorgeous. I defo feel sad but this time I’m not jealous like I was before my last son. Maybe it’s cos I’ve had my son (my youngest) and I know deep down maybe my time is up :shrug: xx


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## Bumblebee24

Hi ladies,
Mind if I join you. I haven't had chance to read from the beginning but I'd like to say sorry for all your losses. My story briefly; I had a MMC and in 2013 at 11w 5days. My DD was then conceived 3 months later & born July 2014, she's just turned 5. 
I have recently had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in July this year , whilst ttc #2. My DH still isn't 100% about TTC but deep down I think he does. It's just the fact of how stressful it can all be from TTC to the birth (DD resulted in emergency C-section) to the 1st year of having a baby (DD was an extremely difficult baby, poor thing has reflux, colic etc & just cried ALL the time)
I am now cd8, my first AF after the miscarriage so FX things are back to normal. I have on average cycle length of 32 days. 
FX to all us ladies for our much wanted rainbow babies :dust:


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## wantingagirl

Bumblebee24 said:


> Hi ladies,
> Mind if I join you. I haven't had chance to read from the beginning but I'd like to say sorry for all your losses. My story briefly; I had a MMC and in 2013 at 11w 5days. My DD was then conceived 3 months later & born July 2014, she's just turned 5.
> I have recently had a miscarriage at 7 weeks in July this year , whilst ttc #2. My DH still isn't 100% about TTC but deep down I think he does. It's just the fact of how stressful it can all be from TTC to the birth (DD resulted in emergency C-section) to the 1st year of having a baby (DD was an extremely difficult baby, poor thing has reflux, colic etc & just cried ALL the time)
> I am now cd8, my first AF after the miscarriage so FX things are back to normal. I have on average cycle length of 32 days.
> FX to all us ladies for our much wanted rainbow babies :dust:

Welcome and so sorry for your loss I hope it’s a quick stay for you xx


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## Bumblebee24

have any of you ladies heard of using baby Aspirin or 75mg Aspirin per day to help prevent miscarriage. I am thinking of starting to take it ? x


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## co_fostermom

How is everyone doing? Welcome Bumblebee. 

I'm on CD30 and don't think I've ovulated yet. When I'm at my healthiest I have normal cycles every two months since one of my ovaries isn't connected. As it stands, I'm not currently at my healthiest but the fact that I got AF after only 32 days from my D&C is really encouraging.


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## Nima

@co_fostermom glad to hear your cycle is behaving! What is your plan for this one? Do you try naturally or ivf? 

I am bleeding quite heavily for the 5th day now after being pregnant for only a short moment. Hope this time it's not incomplete and we can try again this month.


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## wantingagirl

I’m 11dpo my friends think I might have a squinter but I don’t trust frers. 

I’m not too chuffed as think 11 is pretty late in the day to be so faint. I had spotting only once at 6dpo but I’m concerned it tried to implant then and trying again now and failing :shrug:


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## wantingagirl

Bumblebee24 said:


> have any of you ladies heard of using baby Aspirin or 75mg Aspirin per day to help prevent miscarriage. I am thinking of starting to take it ? x

I took aspirin daily conceived and then miscarried so I was told it can thin your lining and to only take after bfp xx


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## co_fostermom

Nima - we are taking it easy this cycle and probably next cycle as well. We have four frozen embryos, three of which we for sure know are viable, but I'm not willing to risk another one in my uterus just yet. I think we are going to try IUIs again. I'm much healthier than I was the last time we did IUIs so I have hope that it might be successful. To that, like I said, we're not doing anything this cycle and probably next. Just having fun in the bedroom lol. 

Wantingagirl 11dpo is way not too late for a faint line! With my FETs, I didn't get a super super faint line until 10dpo. That is quite early. Give it a few more days and see what happens!


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## MrsFruitie

Bumblebee24 said:


> have any of you ladies heard of using baby Aspirin or 75mg Aspirin per day to help prevent miscarriage. I am thinking of starting to take it ? x

Hi Bumblebee, just checking in on this thread to see how everyone is doing. My midwife prescribed 75mg but the nhs has just upped the dose to 150mg. The higher dose has been found to be more effective. Also they don’t prescribe it until 12 weeks plus as not recommended in first trimester. Hope this helps xxx


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## co_fostermom

So I didn't know I was in the 2ww because I didn't think I had ovulated this cycle. I started randomly taking tests because I felt off. Now have had four super super faint lines over the last two days (not ready to call them true positives but I don't think four evaps in a row is a thing for me or these tests, at least I've never experienced anything like this unless it was actually positive). 

Here's the latest test after it dried (I can only get a decent picture of the line after the test dries right now though it does show up wet sometimes). 

Today my boobs have hurt on and off, and by hurt, I mean they are killing me!


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## wantingagirl

Foster I’m seeing something! 

I also only mentioned about 11dpo as I always get bfp early and if later it always ends in loss plus I had 6dpo cramping/implantation signs but nothing got my period. The last few losses I had it was like trying to implant but couldn’t then tried again later on in 2ww so that’s concerning


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## co_fostermom

Hmmm keep us updated wanting! I don't know what's going on with me yet. Had a lot of faint lines. I'm slowing down on the testing though because I know that multiple tests in one day will show little to no change and I'm stressing myself out for no reason. At any rate, they are still barely there faint lines.


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## wantingagirl

co_fostermom said:


> Hmmm keep us updated wanting! I don't know what's going on with me yet. Had a lot of faint lines. I'm slowing down on the testing though because I know that multiple tests in one day will show little to no change and I'm stressing myself out for no reason. At any rate, they are still barely there faint lines.

Yeah I will, I’m concerned but hope I’m wrong. 

This journey is so hard not sure why I was willing to put myself through it again. I really hope this is it for you xx


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## wantingagirl

How’s everyone <3


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## MummyWant2be

Hi Ladies, may i please join.. I'm really sorry for ALL your losses, and big Hugs for OUR Rainbow babies.:hugs:

Well, We've been TTC for our First for a couple of years now even lost track..
This cycle i tested and got a faint line on a cheapy, then used another test the following day and it was Negative.. I thought it was a Evap.. today started spotting (pink-ish) which later turned to Blood red with severe cramping, couldn't even drive back from work...OH had to pick me up, went straight to the Doc's office only to find out i am/was 5 Weeks preggies.. My heart is super broken since i only have 1 tube that can conceive, it took us forever to catch the eggy.. Super sad. Luckily no need for D&C..

So I guess I'm on CD1 of my cycle, we've decided to try immediately..we will stick to what we did this cycle which is BD every other day as soon as the bleeding stops.

The cramps my Word!:cry:


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## co_fostermom

Oh Mummy I'm so sorry that is awful. :hugs: There's nothing anyone can really say or do to help us feel better. Just know it's not your fault and this too shall pass and you'll have your rainbow baby in your arms one day.


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## Nima

@MummyWant2be I'm so so sorry. It is heartbreaking. I was pretty shocked at how strong my grief after my losses hit me, and it took a lot of energy to accept this reaction. It is ok to be sad. It is a loss even if it was early. I hope you conceive quickly and get your rainbow baby soon! Big big hugs to you <3


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## MummyWant2be

Hi Ladies, how is everyone keeping up?

anyone caught the eggy yet this cycle?


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## co_fostermom

Well, I thought I had finally actually ovulated on my own only to get AF two weeks early two days after a positive OPK. So I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps right now. 

How is everyone else?


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## Nima

Sorry @co_fostermom, so disappointing. 

I am also not doing too well. I feel like my life has taken a very grim turn in April and I don't manage to lift myself from it. I am seriously considering setting the end of 2019 as a deadline for us to stop ttcing. If it doesn't happen by then, we just wait for the summer to start IVF. I need some control over my schedule, my sex life, everything... So in the meantime waiting to ovulate.


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## co_fostermom

:hugs: Nima. I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry.


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## Nima

co_fostermom said:


> :hugs: Nima. I know exactly how you feel and I'm sorry.

Thank you so much, it really helps to know someone understands ♡


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## co_fostermom

Definitely. I feel like I can talk about my TTC struggles on this site because almost everyone understands.


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## mimi4

Nima I know what your are feeling. I keep my fingers crossed for a positive result xx


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