# 35 and trying to conceive



## cjpalaska

I am 35 and trying... getting frustrated.... any advice on tactics or things that worked or didn't work for anyone? Encouragement?


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## Hopin&Prayin

Hi, and YES I can totally agree with you there hun, its so frustrating. I've learned so much from being on BNB from Ovulation to symptom spotting mania it can be crazy at times. I was a late bloomer in learning the girly system, I think I've learned more here this last year than I did my whole growing up life. Never think your the only one going through this.. I have met some wonderful and supportive ladies on here. Post up for a TTC buddy thats how I found my friends. Hang in there were all here for ya... :hugs:

Sorry I don't have any tactics I use, I just go by tracking my AF time and calculate when I ovulate really, I use the ovulation calendar with Baby hopes. Oh the cervix checking will make you mad. lol This time I'm not going to obsess over symptom spotting... lol I'm here if ya need to chat anytime.. X


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## seoj

This is my BEST advice... so listen up! lol... don't ever listen to anyone that tells you to "just relax" or "your just too stressed" or "your trying too hard"-- yadda... yadda... yadda... tune them out! Those are people who have not been in our situation, and who have NO CLUE! Besides, I asked my Fertility Specialist about the 'stress' thing- and she said, just do what you can to release stress for your own mental state of mind- but don't worry about the stress causing fertility issues. Short of stress causing your cycles to be off etc (an extreme case)... there is no evidence it hurts your chances of conceiving. Just do what you can, and try your best to let the rest go... but stress is just part of the process. 

Sorry I can't be of more help- lol- but sometimes just knowing there are others in similar situations, well, it makes us feel less alone :) 

Best of luck hun!!!!


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## TaeBoMama

cjpalaska--you've probably heard a lot of tips already. But first of all, I have to agree with seoj about not listening to people who say you are just stressing too much about TTC. How stupid is it to make you feel like it's your fault that you're not getting pregnant? I know these people have good intentions, but #1 it's not helpful, and #2 it's not even correct.

I think the most important thing when trying to conceive is to BD at the right time. So charting and temping and checking your cervix is pretty important. I find Fertility Friend very helpful. If you've been trying for a long time it might be a good idea to go to your doctor. Sometimes it could be just a really simple thing that's holding you back from conceiving. Like in my case, after over a year trying I decided to look up my husband's medications on the Internet. I was shocked to discover that his high blood pressure medication (a calcium channel blocker) is also known as *"the male contraceptive*". To think that we wasted all that time on something that could have been easily corrected from the get-go is very frustrating. 

Some other things to look at: do you have fertile CM around ovulation time? If not, it can be hard for the swimmers to get where they need to go. But there are remedies for this. Some women swear by EPO, but that stuff gives me a serious headache. I hear grapefruit juice is good for CM. I'll be trying that next month. A good way to thin the CM is to take Robitussin around ovulation time. It does thin things out. And you'll want to drink a lot of water too. And you might consider using Pre-seed. I just started this myself so I don't know how well it works yet. But you certainly don't want to use regular lubrication, as they kill sperm.

Are your cycles regular? Do you clearly know when you ovulate?

What tips or tactics are you currently using? I'm probably telling everything you're already doing. 

And something to keep in mind is that sometimes it just takes time. Even for folks who have been trying for an awful long time, there's still a very good chance that they will conceive. What I like to do when I'm getting frustrated, is to search far back in the threads here at BnB, especially in the LTTTC section, and look at all the sigs showing how far along these women are into their pregnancies. It's very encouraging.

Good luck to you! You will get there.


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## BBgirl

I'm with you girls on all this advice. Stress doesn't cause female factor infertility. I can vouch for that. I was ill with stress and depression twice when aged 39 and 40, but despite that conceived so quickly, within 2 months of trying each time! (Sadly miscarried both times). But it proves that stress doesn't cause infertility. I was even on anti-depressants the second time and just weaning off from two other anti-anxiety medications! 

I do think however that stress might affect male factor fertility. Just an idea of mine through long chats with my OH. He feels his ejaculation is much stronger when he's relaxed and not under pressure to perform. Could also explain why couples conceive on holidays or weekends away after trying for a long time. I mean we girls never forget when we're TTC even when we're on hols, but probably blokes are much more relaxed! 

I think stress only affects fertility if it stops you bd'ing or if the man really isn't enjoying it as much. Semen counts are much worse in the lab than in real life sex encounters which proves that the enjoyment of sex must have a huge impact on the male factor.

1. Perfect timing: Do the bd every 2 days around o time, not daily. Aim for 3 bd's in one week. The NICE guidelines recommend this for couples having difficulty conceiving. So if you're ovulating CD12 like me, aim for CD9,11,13 or CD8,10,12. Put one in 2 days before to improve semen quality, to makes it CD7,9,11,13 or 6, 8,10,12. Sperm quality is optimal at 24-48 hours after last bd or masturbation. Some men take 36 hours to get sperm count back up. 48 hours will definitely cover your bases. 

2. CM: all the advice above already mentioned, to help the swimmers in.

3. Legs up against the wall for at least 30 mins to minimise any leakage. It worked for me those cycles, and when I didn't do it I felt some semen escape and didn't conceive (tmi!). Can't just be a coincidence I really think it helps enormously. Plus advice of ancient yogis for women to conceive, shoulder-stand against wall (same position). 

4. Supplements: conception vitamins for both partners (increases chances of conception) omega-3, 1-3g for both partners too (sperm tails are made of omega-3 and it boosts mood for you both which is so important when TTC), 1000mg vitamin C daily for man (increases sperm count). These are the key ones, although there are hormonal ones for women who aren't ovulating regularly.

5. Switch to full-fat dairy (as above).

We can't help being stressed about this, and only people who don't understand give advice like "it will happen when you stop thinking about it." Tell them to walk a mile in our shoes, the heartache of wanting your own child so badly and the agonising frustration of not knowing where it's all going wrong. 

I'm somebody the EPO has worked wonders for, I'm a real convert. But I'm also using Preseed for good measure! But I've been dry all year and got the timing all wrong. I personally think opks can hinder rather than help the process for some women because many women ovulate on the day of the smiley face. It's so important to get at least one bd in 1-3 days before ovulation.


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## TaeBoMama

BBgirl--I totally agree with you. And I hear what you're saying about OPKs causing problems, but I personally love them. Because I know when I'm most likely going to ovulate, and because I'm paying attention to other signs: CM and cervical position/texture, I always make sure to bd those days right before ovulation. I never wait for a positive OPK before getting busy. I can see how waiting for a positive could totally make you miss that egg. As and old lady, I just like to use them as an added sign that I'm still popping out the eggs. :thumbup:


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## Sazzoire

Despite the fact that your only 'supposed' to DTD every couple of days over ovulation... me and hubyy did it every day over a 3 week period.... poor hubby, he was happy but knackered! I then made sure that I kept 'the soup in the bowl' after each time but putting my legs up against the wall for about 10-15mins afterwards. I felt stupid and hubby found it hilarious.... but something worked! I conceived 3 times in 6 months. Sadly baby 1 and 2 weren't meant to be but baby 3 is now nearly 7 months old. 

We will be TTC #2 when Lucy is a year old and will definately use these techniques again. I wasn't very good at OPK's etc so when in doubt, we DTD. 

Good Luck sweetie xx

Ps, I was 36yrs old when I had Lucy.


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## sunlover72

Enjoyed reading the posts, but the bit about bding 1 x day being detrimental has been disproved now.

If count is low perhaps (altho those with low counts have been shown to lose motility quickly when abstaining).... but if count is normal then bding daily around the fertile window is fine

And if sperm motility is poor - it has been demonstrated that if bding 2 x daily the 2nd time the extremely 'fresh' sperm have better motility. SO basically if your DH has motility issues.. the more the better..


Weve had no luck so far (one bfp which was a chemical)...but the one BFP we did get we bd'd 2 x day and it worked..

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20931800


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## BabyBabyBear

hm... maybe we should try this too... but I'm afraid my husband doesn't want to do it every day. He prefers to do it every other day for now... maybe that's why we tried everything but still couldn't get pregnant... :(


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## WantaBelly

I didn't read all of the other advice and I'm sure I'm probably gooing to be repeating alot of whats already been said but I'm just going to tell you what has worked for me. First of all I was ovulating at a different time than I had originally thought so I used OPK's for a few cycles to figure it out. I used preseed before BD and instead of putting my legs in the air ect.. I inserted an instead cup to keep the spermies up against my cervix and i could get up right away if I wanted to. They can be left in for up to 8 hours, I highly recommend them. They are like 6.00 at walmart. I also take Damiana, its an herb, I won't bore everyone with the specifics but you can google Damiana and ttc. We were ttc for 16 months before I started trying preseed, instead cups and Damiana. We got pregnant the 1st month trying, it ended in an early miscarriage and we were pregnant the next month with our son born 9/26......picture to the left <<<<<<

We prayed ALOT and now we will be repeating it all again as we would like to add 3 more to the family. Good Luck and I will be keeping an eye on ya ;)


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## mons75

This worked for me!
Hi,

I was on here a lot looking for ways to get pregnant when I was trying so now I thought I'd share what I did. I can't prove that it works or that its safe for everyone, you have to decide for yourself.

I took:
Pregnacare conception vitamins
Royal jelly & bee pollen fresh in a jar ordered from USA. 1 table spoon a day with a glass of water.
Green tea
Rasberry Leaf tea and occasionaly capsules
Blue Breen alge capsules
Wheatgerm oil capsules
Vitex tincture and capsules

I used:
Concieve plus lube
Pillows under bum after BD and fell asleep like that.
BD everyother to every day.

GOOD LUCK!!!!


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## candylok

Try naturopath or herbal medicine. They aim at strengthen your body and increase your chance of pregnancy!


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## cjpalaska

thanks everyone! I have been doing opks for about three months and it took us a few months of doing the calendar cycle figuring stuff to get that right now I think I have it down... I am doing the robitussin and this month we bd'd three or four times around the O day...... I am hoping this is the month; here's to the dreaded tww now; I o'd on the 20th.....


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