# God, I'd cry if I had twins...



## Mrs Mc

(And not in a tears of joy kinda way!)

A very hurtful comment we heard today out shopping.

OH was fab though, and turned round and said...

I'd cry if you had twins too! You wouldnt realise how blessed you were!!

Go hubby, go hubby :happydance::happydance::happydance:


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## DollPosse

My SIL told my husband that she was really glad she wasn't us. I had similar thoughts like husband as a response. 

I do find that many people are negative about multiples. I think it's because people mainly think about the newborn stage, and that they also know so little about them. Luckily they run in my family and I know of a few couples with twins, so I feel a little more prepared.


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## ~Brandy~

People are idiots sometimes! Trust me thats something my DH would of said. He really really wanted 2 more kids and I agreed to 1 and we got twins.... so the guy is over the moon ROFL. He will defend these girls like mad I am sure.

He gets all giddy when we see twins in public. I have to stop him from approaching them and remind him how annoyed we are going to be when people stop us every 2 steps lol.


So props to youf OH for spouting off at the wretched witch.


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## Jaycrew

YEah - those comments used to make me feel like crap- but we just come back at them.. and then they realize that they should have thought before they spoke.


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## Tasha

:hugs: that is an awful thing to say. I am so glad you're DH thought of some quick and witted too (I am always the sort of person who thinks oh I should of said that five minutes after the event). Maybe next time they will think before they speak x


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## firsttimemumm

Oh no, some people are so hurtful... They have no idea of the impact of what they are saying. 

Our twins are only 5 weeks and I'm already sick of the "oh dear, you have your hands full there". I want to have some clever and witty comment for next time it happens so that it stops bothering me!


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## princess_1991

Firsttimemumm tell them your hands may be full but they'll never be as full as your heart!


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## marymoomin

I had someone ask me in the park if I had thought about aborting one of them when I was pregnant. I was nearly sick.


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## ~Brandy~

marymoomin said:


> I had someone ask me in the park if I had thought about snorting one of them when I was pregnant. I was nearly sick.

Your phone must have auto corrected you :) I remember your post I think you meant to say"Abort"


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## ~Brandy~

I would have decked the lady! I have never hit anyone in my life but that'd be the first HAHA


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## marymoomin

Oh gosh! Snort! Yes abort. It's was awful. Over a year later I still angry.


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## princess_1991

What cheek! Why would anyone even assume that! 
They'd obviously never had kids and clearly dont understand a mothers love toward her unborn child/children!


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## marymoomin

I have told this story a few times but she pointed to a boy, age about 3, and said " see him? He was a twin but I had selective reduction". Honestly. I will never forget that. Mental.


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## ~Brandy~

Thats just ABSOLUTELY SENILE! We had 3 eggs transferred during IVF and I knew the chance of triplets and took it... They requested I sign a consent form for selective reduction in the event that there was triplets. I refused and gave a letter as to why we were capable and willing of affording the care that would be required for triplets and or special needs. They were accepting of my request and proceeded with the transfer.

Each to their own but I couldnt live with myself


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## cherrylips100

I'm suprised any western hospital would even offer a selective reduction without a very good medical reason. It will be weird for her son if he finds out when he's older.


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## DiamondsR4Eva

My fiancé is hoping for twins. He is very blunt (I hate that about him sometimes lol) but if it came to the point where we were in public and someone made such a comment, it would've been me saying something back and he would've given me a high five lol. Although I feel like multiples would be a lot for me to handle, they would be such a blessing to have!..and oh...I would cry too... but tears of joy!


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## itstime

I have had a lot of people ask me what we are going to do which I find so odd, yes 4 under 4 will be hard but there is no other option then coping. Someone also said we had been greedy and that's why this happened to us, still finding that hurtful. X


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## jury3

marymoomin said:
 

> I had someone ask me in the park if I had thought about snorting one of them when I was pregnant. I was nearly sick.

People are insane! How horrible! I can kind of understand if we were talking about octomom bc of the increased risk for problems, but I wouldn't even be to do it then. What is so bad about twins? 

Luckily we've mainly had positive responses about having twins. We had one friend who thought she was funny and responded "I'm sorry". We both just stared at her, we didn't think it was funny at all. Although we have moments of freaking out, overall we are extremely excited and feel so lucky to be having twins!


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## MadameJ

Oh negative comments make my blood boil :growlmad:

We've had a few "rather you than me" "oh your not gonna sleep for years" and "oh twins,how you gonna cope with that" 

What annoys me more is that they all act as if we did it on purpose! Yes we chose to try for a 3rd n it just so happens we were blessed with a 4th too. Yes I'm going to be busy and yes I could imagine it's going to be stressful but so what,multiples are a huge huge blessing in my eyes and we feel pretty honoured its happened to us.


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## jury3

Exactly! DW and I were just talking about this thread this morning. It's like everyone assumes 2 babies at once is a burden. We may have been stressed about the financial aspect of it or the work it will be a few times, but we have never ever looked at these babies as a burden. We know all the hard work will be worth it to have these two little babies in our lives.


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## Stinas

People are sick in the head!
Last week I had a lady come up to me at work..shes like your the one having twins? I said yes, and she put her hand out to shake mineso i was like oooo you have twins?.shes like no but god bless you. 
Bitch..so I was like oh, so you have NO clue what I am going through nor will ever be able to experience the double blessing I am going to have. She walked away silently. Bitch. I went through hell to get here and got blessed with two babies..I wouldn't change it for the world!


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## marymoomin

I actually think a lot of this awful behaviour is jealousy.


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## Whisper82

Thank goodness I haven't had that kind of negative reaction. Most people I meet are like, "I always wanted twins! I bet it's super fun." But I'm from Utah and people here love kids (lots of kids!). We have the highest birth rate in the US. :haha:


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## Hevalouaddict

Yesterday I got the 'bet you've got your hands full with 2' 
I replied '3' 
Woman didn't realise I had twins and dd. 

In the supermarket the cashier stopped serving just to come have a look, she was excited =)


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## MommyGrim

I got asked a few times after they were born how 'me and baby were doing' (over the phone usually) and I would reply with "Babies" and I got some mixed replies. Anywhere from "Oh lucky you" in a DEFINITELY sarcastic way to "Oh my goodness! What a joy!" People are so strange...

I actually had a friend who was like EXTREMELY jealous that I was having twins. It was kinda creepy. She's one of the few mom friends I have IRL but we aren't very close anymore, we hardly ever even talk. But when we made our announcement she got all offended that I didn't tell her that I was pregnant sooner and that I didn't tell her we were having twins! I mean we made the announcement like a week after finding out we were having twins! I was still processing the whole thing! But she went on and on about how much she wanted twins and how unfair it was that I was having them. It's really weird how people treat you when you're having twins.


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## marymoomin

One of my friends mum was horrid in a bizarre jealous way. She is 74, and had two children of her own. Grow up!


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## princess_1991

I've seen people like that, ones that are like "omg I'd love to have twins" amd then when someone close to them have them they start being really horrible about it!

Why do twins make people crazy?!


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## IsaacRalph

Some people are just so insensitive! Since losing one of our twins I've had the most insensitive comments made to me like, 'are you relieved your not having twins now? ' I'm like are you for real of course I'm not relieved one of our precious babies died! Defo double the blessing but no doubt hard work but so worth it I can only imagine now! Huh people x


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## Whisper82

IsaacRalph said:


> Some people are just so insensitive! Since losing one of our twins I've had the most insensitive comments made to me like, 'are you relieved your not having twins now? ' I'm like are you for real of course I'm not relieved one of our precious babies died! Defo double the blessing but no doubt hard work but so worth it I can only imagine now! Huh people x

Wow that is horrid. As if you need more trauma right now. Sorry people are so dumb sometimes! :hugs:


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## Dis3tnd

People are so foolish!

I`m sooo tired of the "poor you" and "you're going to be so busy/ have your hands full" comments. 

Yes, having 3 kids under 2 will be hard, but it will be so rewarding and amazing too! I'm excited! 

They don't get to me too much though, after going through fertility issues, the comments of me having too many children makes me feel much better than the comments about me not having any. I'd much rather be pitied for "having my hands full" than not!


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## marymoomin

^ totally agree.


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## princess_1991

Dis3tnd said:


> People are so foolish!
> 
> I`m sooo tired of the "poor you" and "you're going to be so busy/ have your hands full" comments.
> 
> Yes, having 3 kids under 2 will be hard, but it will be so rewarding and amazing too! I'm excited!
> 
> They don't get to me too much though, after going through fertility issues, the comments of me having too many children makes me feel much better than the comments about me not having any. I'd much rather be pitied for "having my hands full" than not!

Couldnt agree with this more!

I too will have 3 under 2, and after going through infertility and ivfs I'd much rather feel totally overwhelmed by the love I feel for my many off spring and not have enough time in the day to fit that many cuddles in then feel the painful sting of bfn after bfn :winkwink:


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## ClaireCath

Hi ladies, just stalking but will be doing IUI soon and of course there's a risk of multiples so that's why I'm reading this. Anyway, on a show I watch on HBO called Shameless, a couple just found out they are expecting triplets. He immediately ran into the hallway and started shouting to all "I HAVE A MAGIC PENIS!!!" he was so thrilled. LOL That would be a clever comeback by your DH should any random, rude stranger make another crappy remark. As far as the selective reduction lady....OMG. I have no words. That's mental.


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## Northernmonke

I've just bitten, someone posted on the second trimester saying their friend was having twins and they were excited but worried etc. Someone else commented to say they would cry blagh blagh blagh. Grr do these people not think. X


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## ~Brandy~

Northernmonke said:


> I've just bitten, someone posted on the second trimester saying their friend was having twins and they were excited but worried etc. Someone else commented to say they would cry blagh blagh blagh. Grr do these people not think. X

Yep I saw it too and replied.


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## Whisper82

To be honest, I can see both sides of this. Usually when people comment about how hard twins must be, I just say, "Yup it's pretty tough sometimes." Because it _is_ tough. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done aside from going through infertility. I can see why some people would be scared and intimidated by the idea of having twins and why some people going through infertility only choose to put back one embie because they are worried they couldn't handle twins. That is ok! Believe it or not, the feeling that one might cry if they found out they were having twins is a _valid_ feeling. Just like we don't want them judging us, let's please not judge those who may not have the capacity to handle something so very hard. And frankly, if I had a good friend having twins, there would be worry in the back of my mind because my own twin birth experience was so traumatic. But I totally agree that it is so important to be totally positive around any pregnant woman, not just those who are having twins. The last thing they need is to feel more anxious. And ultimately, my own twins are such a blessing from God that every day I am in wonder at how awesome and special they are. I can't believe _I _ am able have them when so many people don't. I think even those scared of having twins would eventually see that blessing once they psychologically accepted it.


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## marymoomin

^ but you do get it's quite insulting?


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## Whisper82

Here are my thoughts on the matter for what it's worth. I've been a clinical mental health therapist for several years. If there is one thing I've learned in my time working with individuals and facilitating groups, it's that people often don't use their words in the most optimal way. Sometimes we have to learn to decipher their underlying message even though they didn't pose it in the best manner. I strongly believe that most people have good intentions and I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. When they say, "I would cry if I found out I was having twins" the message they might be trying to convey is, "I doubt myself and I am not sure I am strong enough." We can't take everything people say personally. Often it is about their own feelings, not about us. So no, I personally don't feel it is necessarily an insult depending on the person, tone, and situation.


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## marymoomin

When it's followed up with I would have selective reduction I have to say... In fact I don't actually have the words. I hear what you are saying but you are way more gracious than me. People should stop and think before making sweeping statements about multiples as I am fairly sure they wouldn't be so tolerant if an ambiguous statement was made about their children. I personally find it quite exhaustion and don't have time to tease the self doubters/ low self esteem folk from those who think they are funny to those are rude or jealous.


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## Whisper82

I just really think this whole thread has gone from "funny stories about silly things people say" to "righteous indignation about things people say." I'm not finding it fun or uplifting or supportive anymore. Feeling a bit sad that both sides of the issue cannot be tolerant of one another. :(


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## marymoomin

My story was not funny.


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## Whisper82

I am done here. Reporting this thread and possibly not coming back here.


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## marymoomin

Just possibly?


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## cherrylips100

I think Whisper was just trying to explain how words can be interpreted differently. I don't find it offensive when people say they'd struggle with twins as they are talking about themselves, not me. Ofcourse the selective reduction comment was ridiculous and offensive but I think for the most part, people are in awe of parents with twins and any sweeping comments are generally directed at themselves.


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## cherrylips100

O ..I find the whole 'you've got your hands full.' I bet its hard work.' type of comments tiresome rather than insulting.


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## jury3

I agree. Most of the comments just get tiresome bc so many people say them. I don't necessarily think they are all trying to be rude. I have a friend who would probably either off herself or have a mental breakdown bc she can barely handle having 2 kids total. She cringes when I say I want 4. 
However, I think the suggestion of aborting one of them is completely inappropriate and rude. Although if she did it herself, she probably thinks everyone thinks like her as well. It's probably a good think many of the people out there don't have twins...


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