# For those with child/children, has life changed much?



## MissN8

just wondering was it a really big change after having a baby? i cant wait to have one but worry my life will change so much. we don't go out much and don't drink much so that part will be ok but worried about lack of sleep haha and tiredness and hope it doesn't cause too many arguments between us


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## Kitteh_Kat

The sleep part is luck of the draw, unfortunately. We lucked out and DD started sleeping 12+ hours at 5 weeks... those first weeks were the most difficult. I refer to them as the "dark days". :haha: We weren't really into the bar/drinking scene too much, so life really hasn't changed in drastic ways. We just have another little person tagging along with us when we go out. You have to make some changes, like making sure you have what baby needs when you leave, and planning around naptimes. I'm still surprised how easily our daughter has just kind of slid into place in our lives.

It's good to discuss parenting beforehand, any hot topics you think might pop up. That way you're on the same page before baby arrives! And just be flexible, because what you think might be best turns out to not be true once you're a parent. :flower:

My advice for once you bring your bundle home - take it one day (and sometimes one hour) at a time! Having a good support system, from your partner to any trusted family/friends, is a huge help too for making the transition.


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## stellababy

yes life changes completely! there will be more arguments and everyone can be grumpy due to lack of sleep, but life is never boring, thats for sure :)))

my advice- embrace your new life, accept the differences and enjoy!


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## MollyMalone

Definitely!! The first few weeks/months your relationship with DH/OH is REALLY tested, lack of sleep, stress, crazy hormones, etc all contribute. I would also advise you to talk about your expectations before baby comes about each other role. I had no problems in this area, luckily DH is very hands on and does as much if not more than me. But plenty of friends were in for a big shock. 

Overtime it slowly gets better, but for the first few months even just going around the corner to get bread and milk needs to be planned like a holiday and it may become frustrating. They are all temporary things and get better but at the time it feels like it will never end. 

In my opinion when we have a baby we are thrown in the deep end. The newborn phase was by far the hardest for us... After that things did nothing but improve and get easier. But still, life nearly 2 years later is not the same. I was a very social person, not big into drinking, but going to the cinema every week and loads of outings in the spur of the moment. Can't do many of those things now and don't see friends as often. After working and going to college I want to spend the little time I have with DS. But I wouldnt change my life back to the way it was for the world. I don't think it was better before, just different.


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## staralfur

For sure. 

You have no idea what a luxury just popping to the store or going out for lunch/dinner whenever you want is! Leaving the house has been an ordeal for the past 3 years. You have to plan things around naps, bedtime, if your baby is fussy, etc. 

Even when at home you don't really get to do what you want to do when you want to do it.... I can't tell you how many moments throughout the day I just want to sit and zone out for a few minutes but with a toddler it's non-stop. They drag you from one activity to the next, make a mess that needs to be cleaned up over and over and over again. And don't even get me started on how it feels to want nothing more in life than to sleep but to not be able to. :haha: 

BUT - it's also changed my life in so many great ways. I find that we actually do more now that she's a bit older. It's fun going to the zoo, doing touristy stuff, things that you wouldn't really normally do but get to experience because you have this little person who is amazed by everything! 

Also some of my happiest moments come from watching her grow up. It's a really wonderful feeling to see your baby grow into a child and develop their own personality and enjoy their life. Totally worth all of the hard parts (though sometimes when I'm sleep deprived I might require some convincing ;)).


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## LockandKey

saying that life changes doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.....

I really don't even know where to begin with this, but I think the other ladies have put it nicely. 

Tiredness, fatigue, mental and physical exhaustion go hand in hand with parenting, though I will say that making sure I have some me time, or set aside time to do the things I enjoy, indulging in personal hobbies has preserved my sanity.

My life is not my own any more, I don't operate on my wants, needs, desires, or own schedule any longer, and never will again. Tiny people which I have created have taken over.


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## tinkerbelle93

As others have said, the sleep thing can be luck of the draw! I never felt sleep deprived.. For the first few months baby was waking every 2 hours but only for a feed and I always napped during the day with him, but obviously that's not an option for the second baby or if you have to be back at work soon. My son was a terrible sleeper between 12 and 24 months also, but again enjoyed a long nap with him in the day. He's now 3, doesn't nap but has 12 beautiful uninterrupted hours of sleep :) 

As for general day-to-day life obviously everything does change a lot.. Even little things like having to get baby changed and dressed and strapped into the car seat and make sure it has a bag full of stuff just to pop to get a couple of bits from the supermarket can be a bit daunting. Or snuggling up on the sofa for a take away with DH then hearing crying and having to jump up to sort out a baby, sometimes it can feel like your life and relationship isn't your own. 

But I still wouldn't change it! My boy is 3 now and we adore being a young family.. He brings us so much happiness and fun even if life is quite chaotic :)


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## aimee-lou

https://youtu.be/uFQfylQ2Jgg

This.....


That's all I have to say lol


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## stephaniexx

Aimee-Lou that was amazing :haha: 

But yeah your life changes tremendously. The smallest every day things become a challenge at first (I remember thinking I was never going to shower again when I was a new mum and hubby worked 12 hour shifts) but you do adjust quickly and now I don't know what to do with myself on them rare moments where I don't have any of the girls! Even getting in the car alone is a novelty haha!


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## krissie328

I can echo what others are saying. My relationship with DH has really been tested. We are almost 9 months on and it still is struggling. We had a good solid one before but I think 9 years of us made is that much harder. 

I can also say the sleeping bit has been rough. As a pp mentioned the "dark days" for sure. DS had his nights/days backwards and I was just out of it. Even now he wakes 1-3 times a night. Its a struggle but its one that is completely worth it. 

We are not and were not drinkers or did much but we did enjoy going to the movies. Now that is down to once every few months. But I don't mind. Netflix is way cheaper! We are just now going out a bit more and trying to have dinner once in awhile. Christian is bigger and can sit at the table and munch on some it so it is fun. 

I think our lives have changed a lot, but for the better. I want to be a better person and it has made me redo my priorities. Heck after 9 moves in 10 years we are finally buying our own home because we want stability! While it scares me to make that commitment but I know our wandering lifestyle is not longer appropriate. 

And I totally agree it is weird not taking him with me everywhere. When DH watches him so I can go to the store or take a bath its always a nice treat. But I find myself often rushing to get back. <3


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## tinkerbelle93

aimee-lou said:


> https://youtu.be/uFQfylQ2Jgg
> 
> This.....
> 
> 
> That's all I have to say lol


Haha I remember when this first came on tv, I was 39 weeks pregnant with my 1st baby and watching with my DH! It's all quite spot on :haha:


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## Angel_blues

I like this thread, makes me happy!


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## wtbmummy

aimee-lou said:


> https://youtu.be/uFQfylQ2Jgg
> 
> This.....
> 
> 
> That's all I have to say lol

I've been feeling rather stressed today and just needed to say thanks for making me laugh more than I have in a while!!! 

And to OP....
I am in the bath (I actually managed it) and you know the joke one foot in and the baby cries??? Well I've just had that :thumbup: 

I will say though my life didn't really change, it began!!! I finally knew what I was put on this planet for. I am the loving mother and a wife to the best two guys ever and no matter what else goes on in my life, I know I can't get that wrong!! 

For us the first 6months were a blur, I had pnd so it was very tough for us. However I will say my relationship is better than I could have ever dreamed. Those first 6months of NO sleep (and it was almost to the day 6months) were soooo tough on our relationship, but my husband mellowed knowing most of what I was saying was just mummy brain :winkwink: and he was very supportive. 

It will test you and your oh/dh in ways you couldn't imagine but aslong as you both have the same goals and lots of love it will be amazing!!! 

Our ds still wakes in the night or extra early (and I'm no morning person) but this is the life we chose and we wouldn't change it for anything!!!

Now we are planning no.2 and this time there will be no sleep when baby sleeps joys. The housework must be done for fear of ds getting into something, he has to be fed 6 times a day including snacks and well he will need mummy time when baby naps. But I think the hard 6months again will be worth it to give our ds a sibling :thumbup:


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## tverb84

This thread is really informative. In July I'm going to become an aunt for the first time. :happydance: Does anyone have advice on what to expect? Did anyone life change when they became an aunt?


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## fxmummyduck

You just get to do all the fun bits as an Aunt! It's great!


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## kksy9b

Being an aunt is so much fun tara! You get to do all the wonderful and fun parts (with some messy bits thrown in) but skip the sleep deprevation lol. But seriously- I became an aunt when I was 13 and now have 6 nieces/ nephews. They are all amazing. I love getting to go to their games and recitals, practices and birthdays. We get to take them to movies and the park, out for ice cream and lhave ate night talks. I get to encourage and uplift them and gice them a place to vent when mom and dad wont do. You are going to adore your niece and she you. You will get to have this amazing bond with her like no other. Be prepared- some babies don't latch on to others for a bit. I have one nephew who would just scream and cry if he was with me...bit once he got into toddlerhood we bonded. He's 11 now and we are still very close. Others bond right away and you will be one of their favorite people. Enjoy it!


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## tverb84

I can't wait to become an aunt. :happydance: I remember an episode of Friends were Ben cried with Monica held him but was ok with everyone else.


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## annio84

I would say the biggest change for me is not being able to go out on a whim and it taking so long to get ready when I do want to go out. I've had to become a lot more organised! 

For me the lack of sleep wasn't too much issue because I work shifts so my sleep pattern is pretty messed up anyway.


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## itsnowmyturn

I don't think it's changed all that much other than having to plan when u will leave the house and starting to get ready to leave the house in more than enough time (from waking up and gettin us both ready, packing for the weekend and packing the car it took between 2 and 3.hours, that includes a feed and a nappy change, obviously doesn't take as long if ur Not going away for the weekend) also the amount of stuff u need to take everywhere with u!! 

I haven't found it a strain on the relationship but oh is a really laid back person and if we ever have a little bicker about something it's generally very trivial like who's doing tea or the dishwasher and we just forget it ever happened after a minute or so. Sleep deprivation is hard, I am finding that the first 8 weeks, although hard, are actually just preparing u for past 8 weeks, things got so much harder then, baby is 11 weeks today and I got about 4 hours sleep (broken up) last night because she decided that she wanted feeding every 3 hours instead if going the 5 or 6 she normally does. Breastfed babies don't tend to sleep through as quick as formula fed (although some exceptions) but it's so much easier to do the feed for breastfed. As DD is breastfed I haven't had a proper nights sleep in 11 weeks, even when staying with family who are happy to do the feed because it means expressing first and then being painfully full by the morning. (in reality it's longer than 11 weeks because I had pregnancy insomnia and rhinitis of pregnancy which woke me up too) 

Honestly it's going to change ur life but how much it changes I feel is up to . I think the big changes will come when she's a.a toddler because slipping a baby (who can't crawl or walk and sleeps most of the time) into ur routine is actually relatively easy, when she's moving and bored and into everything I think it will get much harder


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## MissN8

Thanks for all the replies ladies, haven't had a chance to watch vid yet but will. I don't think it will put too much strain on us but wont know til it happens I hope my oh gets involved and helps out too. I suppose its the crying and lack of sleep that worries me the most but will get used to it and will all be worth it.


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## fxmummyduck

I found that the sleep deprivation was the biggest challenge because it effects everything else going on, lo was a rubbish sleeper up until maybe 2 months ago, so nearly 14 months with little sleep puts a huge strain on everything. I never thought me and dh would argue so much!!! We've been together a long time and were in such a happy place when pregnant...don't get me wrong we are now, but in the middle we really struggled with the constant arguing that we were unprepared for. I think dh found it very difficult to having another little person in the relationship (and the bed) when it was just us for so long before that. He said he felt like he went from being my whole world to suddenly feeling replaced :( we worked through it all and have had to communicate a lot to each other to ease any negative feelings and keep checking in with each other. But honestly it's so much better now, being tired made everything seen worse than it was.

But for the positives, we both love being parents now it's settled down and we have our roles to play. The amount of love brought in with a baby and being a little family unit is so amazing, between dh and I and lo, it literally just blows us away sometimes. We look at each other and say wow! how did we get so lucky and create this little being, he is the perfect expression of our love for each other. 

It's so much fun as they get a bit older, sitting, playing, crawling, walking... Each milestone makes life a bit easier and you just find more and more joy watching them develop!!

So yes life changed but in ways that more often than not were for the better!


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## Kitteh_Kat

MissN8 said:


> Thanks for all the replies ladies, haven't had a chance to watch vid yet but will. I don't think it will put too much strain on us but wont know til it happens I hope my oh gets involved and helps out too. I suppose its the crying and lack of sleep that worries me the most but will get used to it and will all be worth it.

Having a partner that does their share of the care definitely helps! If he isn't doing enough, make sure you have a heart to heart discussion with him, because sometimes they just don't realize.

For the crying, try taking a B12 vitamin during your pregnancy (if your medical provider clears it). There was a study done that showed women with higher levels of it during pregnancy tended to have babies that cried less. I took it through my whole pregnancy with DD, and she only cried when she needed something. I'm sure it's still luck of the draw, but it also made me feel better (I still take it every day)! :flower:


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## MindUtopia

So much! I think the main things are just being really scheduled and not having the freedom to just do whatever you want, which sounds kind of obviously, but I don't think it was before I became a mother. Like there is rarely a second of time that doesn't have something that needs to be done or that is constraining what we can do. This is something people always seemed to lament about but that I never understood before I had children. Like how can it be that hard to find time to shower? Or what do you mean you haven't had a night out in a year? 

We bedshare with our now 2 year old, so literally, the only time we aren't with her is when we're at work or for about 3 hours in the evenings. She's with us all night. She's there first thing in the morning (no time for morning alone time with my husband anymore!). We're busy caring for her and doing breakfast and getting her ready for preschool until we walk out the door at 8:45. We work until 5 or later depending on the night. One of us picks her up at 5 and then we're with her until 8 when she goes to bed. Then we get to sit down in exhaustion and stare at the tv in silence until 10pm before we drag ourselves to bed. I can't spontaneously run out to the store in the evenings like a used to. I have to do my shopping online during the week and have it delivered (we live 30 minutes from a shop). If friends invite us over for dinner randomly, we can't go because we need to book a babysitter like a month in advance. We have no family nearby. You just literally can't leave the house the way you can when you don't have children. If both of us need to work late, one of us has to take off work because someone always has to be at preschool to pick her up at 5. There just isn't flexibility anymore and that was a real struggle. It's also really hard to explain to friends who don't have children and people get really bent out of shape when you can't come to such and such thing at their house at 9pm on a random night. But you can't just leave your children and babysitters aren't cheap. They're an occasional (maybe once a month) luxury. We've left the house after dark maybe 10 times in 2 years. Of course, it may be different if you have family nearby who can help, but no matter how much family you have, you still just lose a degree of flexibility and spontaneity. 

Even when you do go out, you are never carefree like you could be when you didn't have children. My husband and I occasionally squeeze in a night of dinner and drinks out. But you literally feel like Cinderella. At 11pm, your babysitter needs to go home and your chariot turns back into a pumpkin. There's no late carefree nights anymore. Even when you do go out, you spend half the time talking about your child because you're not used to talking about anything else. Even when you are away for a night - I've travelled a bit for work since I had my daughter, with my husband at home with her - I don't feel like I can ever truly relax. I'm always thinking about whether he remembered to give her the peas with dinner and if I did enough washing so she had clothes for school while I was away. It's not like a totally, fun, me-time kind of travel. You feel guilty and you're still half at home in your head. 

It also puts more strain on your relationship than anything else ever possibly could (except for maybe an affair or a serious life-threatening illness). Even little things that your partner does that never caused any problems before will become magnified 1000x. My husband has never been a morning person. When it was just the two of us, it didn't matter at all. I just got up and read or made myself some tea and let him sleep. When you've had 2 hours of sleep each night for the past 2 months and you're up trying to feed a baby and you didn't even have time to shower the past two days and you may not have even brushed your teeth last night because you didn't have a spare hand while trying to comfort a sick baby, and your lovely husband is snoring away next to you, you will feel resentment and rage like nothing else. You can talk about it over and over and they will still do dumb things like that (you'll do dumb things too, which will no doubt piss him off). You won't have eaten a single meal without a baby attached to you for several months when your lovely husband will tell you he's going away for a weekend with his (childless, generally responsibility-free) friends and leaving you alone without back-up for two nights. You will see red. It will be fine. You'll (usually) work through it. But there is definitely a reason why so many break-ups occur in the first 2 years. I found that after the 2 year point, things have gotten more manageable and we have more time and energy to devote to ourselves as a couple. But the first year or so is really, really hard. Make sure your relationship is a solid as it can possibly be before you head down the road towards parenthood. It will take a beating and you will have days when you hate the sight of each other and you might even consider leaving (this coming from someone who'd had like 2 arguments ever with her husband before this), but you'll make it if the foundation is pretty solid. 

I would say, also just the cost of childcare is a huge thing. It's anywhere from half to all of my income every month. Some months I literally work to just pay for childcare. It's so much money. Again, that might not be the case if you have family who can provide some help with childcare, even a few days a week, or if you plan to be at home and you can survive just on the income of your partner. I don't find children to otherwise be expensive. You don't need much in the way of clothes or toys (though people spend a lot of money on these because they _want_ to, they don't _need_ to). But childcare costs alone can be really life-changing if you are used to having a certain income to survive. 

That doesn't mean that having a child isn't the most incredibly awesome experience. It is. But you will never have things as easy and straightforward after you become a parent as you did before. Do all the things you want to do for yourself and be selfish now. I didn't have my daughter until I was 32. I did 2 degrees and was part of the way through a third when I had her (which I'll finish next year). I travelled and lived and worked all over the world. I did lots of stupidly foolish things. I partied. I stayed up all night. I slept all day if I wanted. I got a lot of that out of my system. It doesn't mean I don't still wish I could go out drinking and not have to worry about being up with a toddler at 2am or that I don't still wish I could sleep past 6am. I do wish I could still do both of those things occasionally. But I don't feel like I missed out on anything before life totally and completely changed.


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## Angel_blues

MindUtopia said:


> So much! I think the main things are just being really scheduled and not having the freedom to just do whatever you want, which sounds kind of obviously, but I don't think it was before I became a mother. Like there is rarely a second of time that doesn't have something that needs to be done or that is constraining what we can do. This is something people always seemed to lament about but that I never understood before I had children. Like how can it be that hard to find time to shower? Or what do you mean you haven't had a night out in a year?
> 
> We bedshare with our now 2 year old, so literally, the only time we aren't with her is when we're at work or for about 3 hours in the evenings. She's with us all night. She's there first thing in the morning (no time for morning alone time with my husband anymore!). We're busy caring for her and doing breakfast and getting her ready for preschool until we walk out the door at 8:45. We work until 5 or later depending on the night. One of us picks her up at 5 and then we're with her until 8 when she goes to bed. Then we get to sit down in exhaustion and stare at the tv in silence until 10pm before we drag ourselves to bed. I can't spontaneously run out to the store in the evenings like a used to. I have to do my shopping online during the week and have it delivered (we live 30 minutes from a shop). If friends invite us over for dinner randomly, we can't go because we need to book a babysitter like a month in advance. We have no family nearby. You just literally can't leave the house the way you can when you don't have children. If both of us need to work late, one of us has to take off work because someone always has to be at preschool to pick her up at 5. There just isn't flexibility anymore and that was a real struggle. It's also really hard to explain to friends who don't have children and people get really bent out of shape when you can't come to such and such thing at their house at 9pm on a random night. But you can't just leave your children and babysitters aren't cheap. They're an occasional (maybe once a month) luxury. We've left the house after dark maybe 10 times in 2 years. Of course, it may be different if you have family nearby who can help, but no matter how much family you have, you still just lose a degree of flexibility and spontaneity.
> 
> Even when you do go out, you are never carefree like you could be when you didn't have children. My husband and I occasionally squeeze in a night of dinner and drinks out. But you literally feel like Cinderella. At 11pm, your babysitter needs to go home and your chariot turns back into a pumpkin. There's no late carefree nights anymore. Even when you do go out, you spend half the time talking about your child because you're not used to talking about anything else. Even when you are away for a night - I've travelled a bit for work since I had my daughter, with my husband at home with her - I don't feel like I can ever truly relax. I'm always thinking about whether he remembered to give her the peas with dinner and if I did enough washing so she had clothes for school while I was away. It's not like a totally, fun, me-time kind of travel. You feel guilty and you're still half at home in your head.
> 
> It also puts more strain on your relationship than anything else ever possibly could (except for maybe an affair or a serious life-threatening illness). Even little things that your partner does that never caused any problems before will become magnified 1000x. My husband has never been a morning person. When it was just the two of us, it didn't matter at all. I just got up and read or made myself some tea and let him sleep. When you've had 2 hours of sleep each night for the past 2 months and you're up trying to feed a baby and you didn't even have time to shower the past two days and you may not have even brushed your teeth last night because you didn't have a spare hand while trying to comfort a sick baby, and your lovely husband is snoring away next to you, you will feel resentment and rage like nothing else. You can talk about it over and over and they will still do dumb things like that (you'll do dumb things too, which will no doubt piss him off). You won't have eaten a single meal without a baby attached to you for several months when your lovely husband will tell you he's going away for a weekend with his (childless, generally responsibility-free) friends and leaving you alone without back-up for two nights. You will see red. It will be fine. You'll (usually) work through it. But there is definitely a reason why so many break-ups occur in the first 2 years. I found that after the 2 year point, things have gotten more manageable and we have more time and energy to devote to ourselves as a couple. But the first year or so is really, really hard. Make sure your relationship is a solid as it can possibly be before you head down the road towards parenthood. It will take a beating and you will have days when you hate the sight of each other and you might even consider leaving (this coming from someone who'd had like 2 arguments ever with her husband before this), but you'll make it if the foundation is pretty solid.
> 
> I would say, also just the cost of childcare is a huge thing. It's anywhere from half to all of my income every month. Some months I literally work to just pay for childcare. It's so much money. Again, that might not be the case if you have family who can provide some help with childcare, even a few days a week, or if you plan to be at home and you can survive just on the income of your partner. I don't find children to otherwise be expensive. You don't need much in the way of clothes or toys (though people spend a lot of money on these because they _want_ to, they don't _need_ to). But childcare costs alone can be really life-changing if you are used to having a certain income to survive.
> 
> That doesn't mean that having a child isn't the most incredibly awesome experience. It is. But you will never have things as easy and straightforward after you become a parent as you did before. Do all the things you want to do for yourself and be selfish now. I didn't have my daughter until I was 32. I did 2 degrees and was part of the way through a third when I had her (which I'll finish next year). I travelled and lived and worked all over the world. I did lots of stupidly foolish things. I partied. I stayed up all night. I slept all day if I wanted. I got a lot of that out of my system. It doesn't mean I don't still wish I could go out drinking and not have to worry about being up with a toddler at 2am or that I don't still wish I could sleep past 6am. I do wish I could still do both of those things occasionally. But I don't feel like I missed out on anything before life totally and completely changed.

Just going to point out, you have more negatives then positives in your rant... not very encouraging.


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## justmeinlove

She's totally right though, better to be honest than 'encouraging'.


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## staralfur

The original question is how much life changes after you have a baby, and for the first couple of years a lot of it _is_ about making sacrifices and adjusting to a life where your freedom is very much limited. It's hard and it's worth pointing out that it's hard instead of sugar coating everything and only talking about the good parts. I had no one tell me how hard it was before I had my LO and I was absolutely shocked. I wish I did have people tell me the bad stuff. I was expecting everything to be wonderful... and while there were certainly times when it was wonderful, I found the first year or so be a lot more hard stuff than wonderful stuff. I did have an extremely high needs baby, so I'm sure those with more content babies would disagree, but you don't actually know what kind of kid you're going to get until they come out. So it's worth preparing for exhaustion, and irritability that puts strain on your relationship, and not being able to leave your baby with anyone, etc. 

All of that being said, I have a 3 year old now (well, as of Friday), and the positives WAY WAY outweigh the negatives. I've gotten used to the fact that I can't just go out anytime I want with my DH and that my schedule revolves around someone being able to watch her. It's not a big deal now, though occasionally it's frustrating and I miss out on some stuff I would have done before her, it doesn't really matter because I have her and she is everything. I find her such a joy now. There are still rough nights and hard days but they're forgettable and the good days both outshine and outnumber the bad ones. 

I've made several honest posts on this forum over the past three years about how much I've struggled, and often they aren't received well by women who aren't yet mothers. But I don't see the point in only mentioning the good stuff, or setting women up for unrealistic expectations. That's all I was given before I had my LO and I actually kind of harbour some resentment towards the mothers who only built it up to be amazing and only gave me "encouraging" words. Trust me, there's nothing encouraging about thinking back to other mothers telling you how GREAT it at all is while you feel like you're falling apart. It makes you feel like crap, like you must be a bad mother for finding it hard, like there must be something wrong with you, like you must not be doing it right. 

Lots of mothers find it hard - miserable at times. Lots of moms struggle more than they thought possible. And that's okay. That's normal. It will make you stronger and the bad times will make the good times look that much brighter. I doubt even those of us who would classify the baby stage as being completely hellish would ever say that it's not worth it. My daughter is worth living even my worst day over and over again. 

We're not trying to be negative, we're trying to be honest. Some people may actually be thankful for it when they're holding a new baby and feeling overwhelmed, and instead of thinking "man, everyone said this was going to be amazing, why don't I feel like this is amazing?" they can remember that others have shared the same struggles and come out of it just fine.


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## Wnt2beAMom

I agree with what everyone has been saying but what I found is how much it effects your mental state. It can be so overwhelming and such a hands on learning experience. You want your baby to be happy and to help it in any way that when nothing you do helps it can be really heartbreaking.
I would say life has changed for me not in the things I do, but how I feel about others around me, how much love I could feel for a little baby 1/2 me, 1/2 my husband, and how much empathy I feel for others now. It has also made my relationship with me husband have some ups and downs. It's just important to communicate openly.


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## skycastles

Thank you for posting this. I admit it was a depressing read, but it affected me more positively than it did negatively. My fears about parenthood are all the issues you've described, and I'm more content being in the waiting to try phase now than I was before.



MindUtopia said:


> So much! I think the main things are just being really scheduled and not having the freedom to just do whatever you want, which sounds kind of obviously, but I don't think it was before I became a mother. Like there is rarely a second of time that doesn't have something that needs to be done or that is constraining what we can do. This is something people always seemed to lament about but that I never understood before I had children. Like how can it be that hard to find time to shower? Or what do you mean you haven't had a night out in a year?
> 
> We bedshare with our now 2 year old, so literally, the only time we aren't with her is when we're at work or for about 3 hours in the evenings. She's with us all night. She's there first thing in the morning (no time for morning alone time with my husband anymore!). We're busy caring for her and doing breakfast and getting her ready for preschool until we walk out the door at 8:45. We work until 5 or later depending on the night. One of us picks her up at 5 and then we're with her until 8 when she goes to bed. Then we get to sit down in exhaustion and stare at the tv in silence until 10pm before we drag ourselves to bed. I can't spontaneously run out to the store in the evenings like a used to. I have to do my shopping online during the week and have it delivered (we live 30 minutes from a shop). If friends invite us over for dinner randomly, we can't go because we need to book a babysitter like a month in advance. We have no family nearby. You just literally can't leave the house the way you can when you don't have children. If both of us need to work late, one of us has to take off work because someone always has to be at preschool to pick her up at 5. There just isn't flexibility anymore and that was a real struggle. It's also really hard to explain to friends who don't have children and people get really bent out of shape when you can't come to such and such thing at their house at 9pm on a random night. But you can't just leave your children and babysitters aren't cheap. They're an occasional (maybe once a month) luxury. We've left the house after dark maybe 10 times in 2 years. Of course, it may be different if you have family nearby who can help, but no matter how much family you have, you still just lose a degree of flexibility and spontaneity.
> 
> Even when you do go out, you are never carefree like you could be when you didn't have children. My husband and I occasionally squeeze in a night of dinner and drinks out. But you literally feel like Cinderella. At 11pm, your babysitter needs to go home and your chariot turns back into a pumpkin. There's no late carefree nights anymore. Even when you do go out, you spend half the time talking about your child because you're not used to talking about anything else. Even when you are away for a night - I've travelled a bit for work since I had my daughter, with my husband at home with her - I don't feel like I can ever truly relax. I'm always thinking about whether he remembered to give her the peas with dinner and if I did enough washing so she had clothes for school while I was away. It's not like a totally, fun, me-time kind of travel. You feel guilty and you're still half at home in your head.
> 
> It also puts more strain on your relationship than anything else ever possibly could (except for maybe an affair or a serious life-threatening illness). Even little things that your partner does that never caused any problems before will become magnified 1000x. My husband has never been a morning person. When it was just the two of us, it didn't matter at all. I just got up and read or made myself some tea and let him sleep. When you've had 2 hours of sleep each night for the past 2 months and you're up trying to feed a baby and you didn't even have time to shower the past two days and you may not have even brushed your teeth last night because you didn't have a spare hand while trying to comfort a sick baby, and your lovely husband is snoring away next to you, you will feel resentment and rage like nothing else. You can talk about it over and over and they will still do dumb things like that (you'll do dumb things too, which will no doubt piss him off). You won't have eaten a single meal without a baby attached to you for several months when your lovely husband will tell you he's going away for a weekend with his (childless, generally responsibility-free) friends and leaving you alone without back-up for two nights. You will see red. It will be fine. You'll (usually) work through it. But there is definitely a reason why so many break-ups occur in the first 2 years. I found that after the 2 year point, things have gotten more manageable and we have more time and energy to devote to ourselves as a couple. But the first year or so is really, really hard. Make sure your relationship is a solid as it can possibly be before you head down the road towards parenthood. It will take a beating and you will have days when you hate the sight of each other and you might even consider leaving (this coming from someone who'd had like 2 arguments ever with her husband before this), but you'll make it if the foundation is pretty solid.
> 
> I would say, also just the cost of childcare is a huge thing. It's anywhere from half to all of my income every month. Some months I literally work to just pay for childcare. It's so much money. Again, that might not be the case if you have family who can provide some help with childcare, even a few days a week, or if you plan to be at home and you can survive just on the income of your partner. I don't find children to otherwise be expensive. You don't need much in the way of clothes or toys (though people spend a lot of money on these because they _want_ to, they don't _need_ to). But childcare costs alone can be really life-changing if you are used to having a certain income to survive.
> 
> That doesn't mean that having a child isn't the most incredibly awesome experience. It is. But you will never have things as easy and straightforward after you become a parent as you did before. Do all the things you want to do for yourself and be selfish now. I didn't have my daughter until I was 32. I did 2 degrees and was part of the way through a third when I had her (which I'll finish next year). I travelled and lived and worked all over the world. I did lots of stupidly foolish things. I partied. I stayed up all night. I slept all day if I wanted. I got a lot of that out of my system. It doesn't mean I don't still wish I could go out drinking and not have to worry about being up with a toddler at 2am or that I don't still wish I could sleep past 6am. I do wish I could still do both of those things occasionally. But I don't feel like I missed out on anything before life totally and completely changed.


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## krissie328

I agree it is way better to be honest than sugar coat it. I am 9 months in and being a mom is incredibly difficult and I find it getting more challenging as he gets older. 

But I love him like no other and wouldn't change a thing. But it has definitely made me rethink when we will try for a second.


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## Eleanor ace

It is a big change, but I don't look back at life pre-children and life now and think "woah...what happened?!" I mean life is full of changes and after an initial adjustment it just becomes normal. Having children is a big change for sure but change isn't necessarily a bad thing! So far having children hasn't led to me and DH arguing or had a negative impact on our relationship. The sleep deprivation has been rough (it's been almost 4 years since I slept through the night and 3 years of that have been spent waking at least 4 times a night) but it won't last forever (I'm telling myself it's 18.5 more years max, after that my kids will be adults and I'm kicking them out if they don't sleep :winkwink).


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## MelliPaige

Yes! But it was kind of slow. I was just like you! (In fact you can probably find my posts on here asking the same exact thing)
First I had a newborn..all he wanted was mommy..I would do the thing I did before with him wrapped to me and change and feed him on my breaks as needed. 
Then he got a little bigger and wanted to play and things I use to do got put on hold so I could teach him..then he learned to crawl and more time was taken..now I haven't been able to do a thing without my toddler pulling at me asking me to come play. But I wouldn't have it any other way!

We still go out to eat, we just take the baby!
We still go to the movies (like once ever 4 months haha)..he just visits with his favorite aunts.

Life is pretty much the same, we just aren't number 1 priority to each other anymore, Leo is. 

But I wouldn't have it any other way!


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## LoveCakes

I think I imagined my previous life but with a baby. Boy was I wrong, now it's my babies life and me around her. I don't regret it for a second though, it is the hardest I have ever worked and I didn't realise that even when she was sleeping or with other people I'd still feel on the clock. It is also the most fun rewarding thing ever. When she looks up at me and gives me a big grin it still melts my heart even at 4am

I think it is important to be honest. Me and hubby went through a rough first year after marriage and later years of infertility. I thought nothing could touch us after that but it does affect your relationship. I know he feels pushed out since she came but to he honest she is my priority now. It's something we're working on though


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## MissN8

I know its going to be hard but am willing to sacrifice all those things to have a baby in our lives as I know it will bring us closer together and we can be a family and I cannot wait it's definitely time


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## lozzy21

Everything changes and nothing changes. Me and my friends joke on that those who say the baby days were the hardest don't have a four year old &#55357;&#56834; 
I think the hardest part is when you realise that these changes are here to stay for the next 18+ years and it's deffinatly the little things you miss. Those WTT always say things like they don't go out drinking much so think they will be fine with the life adjustments having a child brings and over the past 4 years Iv allways said its not those things you really miss. It's things like being able to drink a hot cup of tea, being able to have a shower and then spent time blow drying and straightening their hair. Forget about putting make up on every day, your lucky if you manage a shower! And using the toilet with out an audience or them banging on the door becomes the biggest luxury ever.


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## justmeinlove

MissN8 said:


> I know its going to be hard but am willing to sacrifice all those things to have a baby in our lives as I know it will bring us closer together and we can be a family and I cannot wait it's definitely time

I definitely would read the comments about How hard it can be to start with. To start with, babies pretty much tear you up as people and it is hard to.understand how brain and compassion destroying sleep deprivation really is.

But yeah, don't rely on a baby to bring you closer! It's not their design function at all.


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## MissN8

Hi justme yea I know its gonna be tough. I've been with my OH for ten years though so I think we are pretty secure as we are now. We will need to help each other tho likely the first year, we love our sleep!


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## justmeinlove




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## broodymrs

Yes, in one word. Totally worth it though. Although you might question that in the middle of the night when you're up with the 18month old who has decided to stop sttn and hubby is snoring away and you have a full day at work in a few hours! Just saying, it's not easy


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