# so my 13 year old niece has got the implant :/



## kimbobaloobob

well yesterday i found out my 13 year old niece is dating and activly having sex with a 19 (nearly 20) year old boy, and her mum, my brothers ex, has allowed her to get the implant. I cant make my mind up as o wether this is right or not.
on one hand its protecing her against unwanted pregancy but on the other hand its saying 'its ok zoe you can have sex when ever you please now cause you wont get preganat'
i think im just super confused, what do you think?


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## Anxious5

Isnt it illegal for the 19yr old to have sex with a 13 yr old


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## kimbobaloobob

yes, but when my sister and brother said this to the male this is the reply they recieved from her over face book 

sam, i know your family, but im sorry for this, but tbh i hate you. you have no fucking right to message my boyfriend, Just keave me and him alone, if im happy you should be happy, NEVER fucking talk to me again, and you've lost me as a niece now. hope yah glad. YOUR A SELFISH DICK! THAT GOES TO JAMES TOO, and whoever ...wants to fucking call him or threaten him!!!. if you fucking talk to him again i swear. i will do horrible things.

yes it is illegal but as you can see she has an attitude problem and also has inherited the familys mental problems (she has a girl named emily who tells her to 'cut deeper') so we have to 'tiptoe' around her as such.

not that we have much to do with her..


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## Jkelmum

I guess at least she isnt gunna get pregnant but as her mum thought of explaining abiyt STD,S ? x


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## kimbobaloobob

i have no idea, shes deleted me on fb thanks to my sister and brother having a go so i cant even ask her to find out if she knows ect...


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## xolily

I do wonder why she's sexually active at 13 but bar keeping her in the house 24/7 I don't think there's anything they can do but protect her now.. she's gonna do it regardless. With regards to the boyfriend, i'd report him to the police.


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## 2nd time mum

I personally don't think it is right but if she is sexually active what can you do really. Last thing she would need just now is pregnancy and a baby. I have a 14 year old boy and would hate to think he might get someone pregnant at this stage, he's not old enough himself.

Your niece seeing someone that age - would he not be placed on the sex offenders register if there was a complaint about it? It seems like quite a big age gap considering she is only 13.


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## Blah11

Eurgh, whats the 20 year old thinking?! I look at a 13 year old and just see a kid. I don't agree with giving such a young girl an implant full of hormones either :shrug: Suppose thats beside the point anyway as she shouldnt be having sex at all. Oh well, she'll learn when he dumps her.


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## kimbobaloobob

well shes one of these where she as a boyfriend on the monday loves him by the wednesday a week later its over.... but this one has been on the scene about 3 weeks now ?(this is long for her) i just dont know how my brother alows it! and im not reporting it as i will loose family over it and she will only go and find someother bloke...
she is also very old for her age, she is about 5'7 or 8 and has a curvy 12/14 (?) grown womans body she could probly pass as 17/18 which dosent go in her favour either
i just dont know what to do, do i just leave her to it or try and be her friend and talk some sence into it


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## AppleBlossom

:shock:

Isn't that classed as sex with a minor?


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## kimbobaloobob

yup :(


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## Mindy_mini

Shes gonna do what shes going to do. Better she's protected against pregnancy than getting pregnant at 13 by an irrisponsible man (he is irresponsible in the fact that he's breaking the law and sleeping with a minor) who wont be there in 9 months time when the babys born.

Whilst it does increase the risk of her thinking shes indestructable and catching an STI, I think her mother has done the right(ish) thing - She needs to stress the importance of using condoms for protection and have a big talk with her about how emence having a sexual relationship is.

Teenagers wont be told though at the end of the day.


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## kimbobaloobob

the big talk thing is what im worried about her mum has never been the one to talk, when zoe came my mums once and my mum gave her a cuddle zoe said ive never had a cuddle like that before, my mum dosent cuddle me so as you can imagine her mum that kind of person who does things like that.
i dont know if she has had it or not, but i dont want to just butt in and fall out with her too


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## StarBound

:( such a shame to read about such a situation 

Is the boyfriend quite grown up or just a immature git ?
Maybe someone could approach him and just be honest about your worries , surely if hes mature he wont sleep with her anyway. Unfortunately nothing is going to stop her having sex but maybe her bloke could realise what hes doing - maybe reporting the relationship to the police would be a good idea.


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## kimbobaloobob

if i report ot tpto the police i will loose family plus she will only go and fine another bloke. i havent ment the guy as both my niece and him like in chorley and im in stoke, so their is a fair distance


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## leeanne

To be honest, I think putting her on the implant was a wise decision.

Girls are becoming sexually active at a younger age and 13-15 is usually the age where many have sex for the first time. I always said that if there was any indication my daughter was having sex or going that route, I would be putting her on the pill. 

Yes, it may seem like you are condoning it and I've thought about that too. However, no matter if a girl is on or off of it, they are going to do it anyhow. 

Although I don't agree with a 20 year old man having sex with a 13 year old.


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## pinkmummy

leeanne said:


> To be honest, I think putting her on the implant was a wise decision.
> 
> Girls are becoming sexually active at a younger age and 13-15 is usually the age where many have sex for the first time. I always said that if there was any indication my daughter was having sex or going that route, I would be putting her on the pill.
> 
> Yes, it may seem like you are condoning it and I've thought about that too. However, no matter if a girl is on or off of it, they are going to do it anyhow.
> 
> Although I don't agree with a 20 year old man having sex with a 13 year old.

I totally agree with everything Leeanne has said :thumbup: x


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## maaybe2010

I've only read the first couplde of posts but wow. . . 
That must be quite a shock!

When I think about it I started having sex at 14 :shy:
So although I can understand some people will be shocked by her age, I'm really concered about his age.

I don't want to sound rude but why would a man of that age by having sex with a girl of 13. . . . 
it sounds a little werid :wacko:

As for the implant, it is definately a good thing she has it. 
A pregnancy would be mad (especailly since she may have mental problems that you menitioned).
I see what you mean about her mum letting her have it but IMO if she wants to have sex, she will have sex.


:hugs:

xx


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## AppleBlossom

I do agree with Leeanne, it was wise for her to have the implant if she is sexually active, as wrong as I think 13 year olds having sex is, and I will assume her mother has tried her hardest to stop her from doing it. However having said that, if it was Grace and she was sexually active and that was my only choice as she was going to do it anyway, I would do it (and tell her to use condoms) BUT if it was a 19/20 year old man she was with I would be doing absolutely everything in my power to either stop her from seeing him or reporting him to the police. They're breaking the law and while we can't be naive about the fact that "kids" are out having sex, I would not want my daughter sleeping with a man 7 years her senior when she was physically still a child myself. But each to their own, you can't judge what mother's decide to do with their children


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## Rhi_Rhi1

surely this is statutory rape ? and you could report him, without having to leave a name ? or ask the police to leave ure name out of it? ... this is quite shocking and i would actually ground her for about a year! she would not be leaving the house! ... if my youngest sister done this... (she is 13) my family would just NOT allow it... how can the mother have such little control over a 13 year old ? i don't want to sound judgy because she may of tried her best..... at least she has got the implant, but this doesn't mean she wont catch something, and as for the 20 year old! he must be a bit mentally unstable/sick! imo .. sorry x


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## buttonnose82

this is a really difficult situation :hugs:

I just hope the dr who put the implant in for her took the time to educate her, in that it only helps prevent pregnancy but she is still open to STI's

It is really upsetting that children as young at 13 years old are having sex, they grow up too quickly and i think this has alot to do with media etc

I am also very surprised that the dr hasn't reported this to the police themselves, there role would be to educate her and during this she would have surely been ask about her partner etc therefore the dr should be aware of the partners age, if the dr is then he/she has a legal obligation to call the police for the protection of a minor


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## kimbobaloobob

her dad popped in for a suprise visit yesterday and she has completely cut him out of her life :( so basicly she has disowned all of this side of the family it looks like, so now i know this i will take a walk down to the police station tomorow and give them the information that i know as he is sick for sleeping with a 13 year old, i remember something she said to me last night, which she said when i saw her last (about 2 or 3 months ago) 'kim if i let a man have sex with me can i still get him into trouble' as i had taken her and my mums OH's daughter to the fair and i thought i should have a 'girly talk' and try to inform them (the other girl is 15 but a bit behind mentally say like a 13 yr old...) and thats when she asked.

but when i go tomorow what do i say cause all i have are the facebook profiles...


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## aob1013

Least she's using some some sort of contraception, better than nothing. She'll learn the hard way.


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## laura.x.x

Its worth going to the police to try but I'm not sure they'll do anything unless she admits it! Something seriously wrong with a 19 year old wanting to be with a 13 year old!! xxx


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## KA92

I agree that the implant is the best idea, I think
I'm gona get it in not for pregnancy though lol
but partly that. ANYHOW! She is under 16, he is an adult plus usually they give a ley way
of a year or two, e.g 15 and 17. But this is a huge age gap and she seems really messed up. The police is a good idea because of her and his age and the age gap they should investigate. Good luck!xx


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## v2007

She may be using contraception but its statutory rape, correct me if im wrong.

If it was a relation of mine, i would call the police. 

Why the hell would a 19 year old want to be having sex with a 13 year old??

Its disgusting. 

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

V xxxx


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## PreggyEggy

I'm glad she's got the implant to be honest. I would definitely be worried about this guys intentions, he may even be abusive, who knows, and she's far to young to know what a healthy relationship is like.

Any guy that age who would sleep with a 13 year old child is a pedophile and sick in my books. Who knows what he's doing to her.


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## suzib76

im sorry but regardless of what she looks like she is 13! 13 FFS still a child in EVERY sense of the word

i cannot believe that none of her family members have reported this paedophile (and thats what he is) to the police

while i do agree with preventing pregnancy the implant should in no way be the extent of the help this girl recieves

its abuse, plain and simple and just because she is starting to look more adult like do not does not mean she is mentally anywhere close to being one. 

please please please contact either the police or social services - you dont have to have proof, they will investigate EVERY allegation x


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## marley2580

v2007 said:


> She may be using contraception but its statutory rape, correct me if im wrong.

It's 12 and under hun


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## purpledaisy2

My cousin went on the pill @ 12, her boyfriend was 18 at the time.

Alot of people I went to school with started taking the pill at 12/13.


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## Jody R

The contraception is probably a blessing in disguise but from the things you have described I would want to call social services as she sounds very at risk.

If her mother is unaffectionate and they all have some kind of mental issues then they are perhaps not as protected as they should be. 

Maybe they all need some kind of help. Her mother doesn't sound completely uncaring, she has taken steps to make sure her daughter won't get pregnant even though she has left her open to abuse and STI's.

Because I don't care how mature she looks or how much attitude she has or how many girls have sex younger than 16, she is still a 13 year old child having sex with a man. He might be an immature 19 but he is an adult and she is a child and if he had anything about him he wouldn't have looked twice at her or gone near her with a bargepole once he knew she was only 13.

If her mother either can't see this or feels she can't stop it then perhaps she needs help too. And your neice needs someone looking out for her that she can't brush off the way she has tried to brush off her family.

At times in your post I was confused as to if you were quoting her or her mother but either way this is a situation that would concern me enough to report it if this were my neice.

I hope you can do something to help keep her safe. :hugs:


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## hopeandpray

this is so wrong! my mum allowed me get the implant when i was 18, had been with by 19 year old bf for 2 years! from her behaviour it is clear that she is a child in an adults body. so sad :nope: tbh i don't think giving her the implant was the worst idea because her ending up pregnant when she's not ready would be awful but this girl clearly needs more help than that


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## Elli21

Does this man KNOW she is only 13?


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## kimbobaloobob

yeah she dosent try to hide it shes got her age on her face book


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## PreggyEggy

kimbobaloobob said:


> yeah she dosent try to hide it shes got her age on her face book

Then he knows what he's doing and he's a sick pedophile...her family need to report him to the police to protect her. :flower:


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## AppleBlossom

If you went to the police it would be anonymous and none of your family would ever know it was you that said something :shrug:


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## Lillipop

Oh my :nope:

Sorry I know its been said already but that 19 yr old needs a reality check!
Whats wrong with choosing people his own age fgs :shrug:

Will people in this world ever realize things a law for a reason or what :( ?

x


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## Lover

I've had a similar experience in my family except my family member was 12 and her boyfriend was 16, almost 17 :confused:

What happened when her mum found out is: her mum took away her mobile phone and internet access and grounded her until she's 18 or until she can be proven trustworthy. Her mum drops her to school and picks her up. Her mum is not a SAHM and had to arrange with her boss to use her lunch break as two 30 min slots to be able to drop her off and pick her up. 

It was hard at the start, the girl rebelled etc and the mum even had police round to talk to the girl about anti-social behaviour and also the mum and step dad went to speak to the boyfriends parents (who were clueless and didn't seem to care anyway!). 

Now, nearly a year later, after LOTS of tears, apologies, arguements and forgivings, the girl has earned some trust, is able to have friends round, go shopping with her cousin and walk to and from school with her friends but still is not allowed a phone or internet and she doesn't speak to the boy anymore or have a new boyfriend.

Sorry about the novel! If it doesn't make sense it's coz I'm tired :haha:


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## QuintinsMommy

thats insane, I agree, can you report him? 

but also I think its good shes on BC


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## tasha41

I think it's a good thing she is on birth control.

She is clearly not ready to be a parent.

I totally agree that you should report him and the situation the the police. She sounds like she needs some kind of counselling and he is a pedophile TBH, 13 is a child. I am 20 right now and looking at old pictures of guys I thought were cute when I was like 13 makes me think "WOAH we were so young!!" -- and even if physical maturity IS there, the emotional/mental maturity is not.


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## TattiesMum

Rhi_Rhi1 said:


> surely this is statutory rape ? and you could report him, without having to leave a name ? or ask the police to leave ure name out of it?

The problem is that a loophole in the law means that the girl herself has to co-operate in order for the police to do anything in terms of pressing charges ... all she has to do is to say to the police 'no - we're not having sex' and that's it - no case :shrug:

So, unless the girl herself is willing to co-operate then it's a no win situation :nope:


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## AppleBlossom

TattiesMum said:


> Rhi_Rhi1 said:
> 
> 
> surely this is statutory rape ? and you could report him, without having to leave a name ? or ask the police to leave ure name out of it?
> 
> The problem is that a loophole in the law means that the girl herself has to co-operate in order for the police to do anything in terms of pressing charges ... all she has to do is to say to the police 'no - we're not having sex' and that's it - no case :shrug:
> 
> So, unless the girl herself is willing to co-operate then it's a no win situation :nope:Click to expand...

But if she has he implant surely that shows they are having sex :shrug:


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## jenny873

her being with a 19/20 year old should ring alarm bells with her mother, im 23 soon but when i was 14/15 me and my mates would get picked up by older lads who were 26/27, we thought nothing of it, nothing ever happened but now i look back on it and think what the hell was a 26/27 year old interested in us for. I wouldnt dare look twice at a 16/17+ year old never mind somebody age 14. Its a good idea for her to get the implant, hopefully she realises the risk of std's otherwise before she does reach 16 she might ruin her chances of ever having children if one went untreated. x


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## Jody R

jenny873 said:


> her being with a 19/20 year old should ring alarm bells with her mother, im 23 soon but when i was 14/15 me and my mates would get picked up by older lads who were 26/27, we thought nothing of it, nothing ever happened but now i look back on it and think what the hell was a 26/27 year old interested in us for. I wouldnt dare look twice at a 16/17+ year old never mind somebody age 14. Its a good idea for her to get the implant, hopefully she realises the risk of std's otherwise before she does reach 16 she might ruin her chances of ever having children if one went untreated. x

I agree with you. My DH is 5 1/2 years younger than me and we met when he was 20. I gave myself a hard time about it because he was so much younger but he was very mature and we were both adults. But if we'd met earlier, say when he was 15 and I was 20 there's no way I'd have looked at him twice. Even him at 18 was probably too young for me at 23. 

It's not just the age difference that matters but the maturity of the person and 13 is not mature enough for a sexual relationship with anyone, let alone an older man.


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