# tips on disciplining kid with extra needs?



## lynne192

was wondering if anyone could give me tips articals or sites etc on diciplining kids with extra needs such as autism asd or speach and language disorder?

we're having a really hard few years with james and really need some help and advice on ways on disciplining that he can understand and that aren't too harsh....


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## lynne192

anyone?


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## Adanma

didn't want to read and run. I don't have much advice. It's mostly been a trial and error thing with my son. i do believe in disciplining him the same as my other son, but with more explaination. He needs to be reminded all the time about others feelings so that he can learn intelectually which behaviour is going to result in which feeling and which consequence.

Sometimes it takes awhile to get a response on here I've noticed. Hang in there and hopefully someone will have something a bit more helpful!

Adanma


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## lynne192

thanks hun, we are considering naughty step but we can't explain to him because he doesn't understand so seems hard, but my MIL keeps giving him a choice of doing something or bed if he doesn't behave and 9times out of 10 be ends up in his bed...


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## Adanma

I do give him time out. He gets a warning 1st then time out. If he does it again he gets priveledges taken away for the day like wii and movies and treats. If he gets more than one day without priveledges then he doesnt get allowance for the week. For the times when he's really melting down with a tantrum he is allowed to go have a "hiding time" where he goes under blankies and stays until he is calmed down, then we do his punishment. It gives him a sensory break so it doesn't escalate further. Hope thsi helps some. I know it's so hard sometimes!

Adanma


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## lynne192

see i can't do that james is not old enough for money and holds no attachments to anything for it to be a punishment... if that makes sense?


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## Adanma

yeah I can see where that can be hard. I guess time outs and redirecting might be the best things to do?

Adanma


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## lynne192

yeah maybe just not sure how to go about it :(


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## Newt

I know where you are coming from Lynne, Oscar just ignors being told off, doesnt even register that he is being told, we cant explaine the time out rule, and he will just walk off and ply with something else if we take something from him. terrible 2s are starting and we're clueless


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## lynne192

thanks hun i guess its a battle sooo many of us are fighting, may i ask what your son has?


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## Newt

we not sure yet hun, he may have autism or aspergers or some other delay condition x


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## lynne192

sorry to hear hun same with my son :( how old is your LO? how long have you been getting specialist help?


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## Newt

he's going to be 3 in march, we didnt think there was a problem, we only knew he was slow with his speach. the hv picked it up on his 2 yr review and she has been great in all honesty. The portage worker started coming last month but before that they sent their own child play therepist, we still waiting for salt, but that was our fault, we missed an appointment and he got put to the back of the list. He had his pead review 4 months ago and we are taking him to the child phsyc next week. he saw the education pschc last month and they have funded a place in a preschool group. 
In all honesty we only started noticing the behaviour issus afrer it was highlighted to us, we just thought he was a quiet child. 
I did have to badger a little bit, but all I did was to phone the secreteries for the drs he was waiting to see. x


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## lynne192

awww we've know something was wrong for a while but i have suspected aspergers so that kinda made us keep an extra eye on him he is 3.5years almost and still not really able to talk etc...

james also doesn't eat and finds it hard to walk right sometimes, he also ticks alot of the autism boxes. i had to highlight it too the health visitors etc i have been the one doing all the work chasing everyone we have had a terrible run around with SALT but we now have a new one and hoping she will help us, we're still waiting on psychologist, educational psychologist, under 5 educational department, at first our pead wanted him not to go to nursery then he said he wanted him in full time special nursery but he is now in 5 half days a week in mainstream nursery, because without a dignoses he wont be able to go to a special nursery, which i have been told will take them 12months to get a dignoses and he is not even on the waiting list so doubt we'll know anytime soon.... but they don't want him to go to school until he is about 7 so that was a really hard hit, me and my OH can't live together because things with my son are soo bad which in itself is mega depressing but i am hoping nursery will help, even though he doesn't talk right or understand much he has managed to potty train himself some what he is now in pants although he does often have accidents :D but dead proud of him... 

anyways i am sorry your in similar boat and hope wee man gets help he needs, may i ask if he was premmie or that?


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## Newt

my gosh 7 is really late, I would struggle with that idea too to be honest, is there no assisted place in school somewhere? It must be hard going for you guys at the moment, w are quite lucky with Oscar, his behaviour is still quite managable, although dont know if it will always be. There is a secial needs class in our local school that works to integrate chikdren together as well as providing one to one support, I am hoping they will accept Oscar there next year. He wasnt prem though, he came bang on his due date lol. 
Wel done to James on potty training, thats great, I dont even know where to start:thumbup:


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## velvetina

Hi hun, sorry to jump on board bit late, just got my laptop back and doing some catching up.

My asd son is 14 now and I totally understand and remember the early years can be really tough. I look back now and wonder if I was too harsh, but it has paid off.

It is extremely difficult to discipline a child who doesn't understand, I would suggest that whatever method you decide on stick with it and be consistent. That way it will give your ds the chance to learn that the same thing is going to happen and that applies to everyone who is caring for him. I would contact a special needs nursery/pre school in your are and ask them for suggestions or ask your health authority for a list of support groups who can help you with this. 

Who is it that doesn't want him to start school until he is 7 and what are their reasons? I ask because the special nursery and schools my son went to were absolutely fundamental to his learning and language and the change from 3 to 7 can be immense. Money is a huge problem and the previous government taking away our special schools (don't get me started on that one) is no excuse for not placing a child. 

:hugs: x


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## lynne192

thanks for advice its the pedatician that has decided he might not go to school until he is 7 as he is unlikely to be ready before that xx


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## bek74

This a post I have copied and pasted that I made on another thread..

My son is ASD (Autistic spectrum disorder) ADHD, has Anxiety, learning disorders, speech and language disorders the list goes on.
When I want him to stop what he is doing, I hold him by the shoulders, so he is still, I make him look at me (eye contact) I give a simple direction, followed by a punishment if he doesn't listen.

Example... David, Stop shooting your gun in the house, ( I then make him repeat what I said, I then ask does he understand what I said) then I say " now if you don't stop shooting that gun in my house I will take it off you for 2 sleeps (he doesn't understand days of week and time etc, but understands sleeps).

If 20min later he shoots the gun in my house, I will hold him, make eye contact and ask him and I will say " didn't i ask you to stop shooting your gun in my house" he will say " yes" I will say " well I said if you did it you will lose it for 2 sleeps, I then remove the gun"

At first you get tantrums, throwing things about... I used to ignore that and now he is just great, I ask him to do something and usually he does it first time.

Consistancy is the key.... and don't through out empty threats, if you say something follow through with it no matter how many tears they give you and how many sorry's.They need structure and boundaries they don't need excuses and people letting em just get away with things.

My son also goes to a Mental Health Clinic weekly for his disabilities and it has helped a great deal, so if your struggling with getting your son under control and his behaviour is having a negative effect on your family, i would look into some kind of outsourced support who specialize in children with these sorts of disorders.

Good luck

Also wanted to add that my son is now 10yrs old and with firm discipline and structure they do get alot better as they get older. You need to remember that your NOT the only one frustrated they are frustrated also. I rememeber watching my son struggle to tell me a story, he had trouble just trying to find the words ( he would get them wrong, like oh mummy this is sour, meaning HOT (spicy)), and when they hit school age you will go through some really rough years because it's then they REALLY notice they are different, but as long your rules stay the same and you support them as the years go by they adjust and life gets a lot easier for you both. My son really struggles at school and is why below the other children but he is alot happier within himself these days.

My son is in a main stream school but is under the special needs department so he has one on one time, a mod program and a teacher aid in the classroom at all times (the aid usually has about 3 special needs kids)


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## lynne192

thanlks hun but that wont work for james james has no understanding of language he will repeat what you say say he understands and really does not he has no sense in that way. we are waiting to see psychologists and such soon how old is your son? has he been dignosed? does he get medication for AD/HD?? sorry just trying to get a base line of what your working on as james is pretty basic.


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## MrsRabbit

It was hard. DS would harm himself or others on purpose. EVen going as far as kicking my belly when I was on bed rest. Now granted I do not think he knew the long term consequences of his actions but he did it because he knew I'd protect my belly.

We are now following a new time out method his therapist gave us. I just did not know what to do. Nothing worked. I think it was a combination of the new method and finally being out of the 3s which helped.

He knows the rules

He knows the consequneces to broken rules and other bad behavior.

He knows what time out is.

He will try and blame me. I tell him his choices led to his time out. My job is to teach him. He could avoid time out by following the rules, not being rude etc. 

I yell a lot less than I used to, a lot less likely to get angry. I had to remove my emotions from the situation. 

It's hard. Nobody prepares you for a kid willing to give himself an injury or his sister a concussion. Nobody prepares you for screaming\wailing last longer than 2 hours without an end in sight. It's not the same as other kids.


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## lynne192

thanks hun and sorry for what you have been and going through i am glad this has started to work and you are right noone and nothing prepares you for these things :(


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## bek74

lynne192 said:


> thanlks hun but that wont work for james james has no understanding of language he will repeat what you say say he understands and really does not he has no sense in that way. we are waiting to see psychologists and such soon how old is your son? has he been dignosed? does he get medication for AD/HD?? sorry just trying to get a base line of what your working on as james is pretty basic.

My son is Now 10 and yes he has been diagnosed and no we don't medicate our son. We have struggled and worked hard to get him where he is today. We work closely with the school and he see's a case worker every week, he see's a speech and language specialist weekly and we do alot of language skills with him at home.
He doesn't understand the difference between a thought and a feeling, he struggles understanding the english language, but with all our hard work and weekly appointments he has come along in leaps and bounds.

It is a long process and you will need to put alot of effort into your son, we read heaps to our son, we talk and explain things in a way that works for him, it didn't just happen, we have put in years and years of hard work and it has paid off alot.


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## lynne192

i really hope james is like that at 10, i am really worried i have been fighting and taking classes seeing doctor after doctor SALT after SALT its hard work fighting the system but i am willing and able to put in any and all effort, we're in a new area now and meant to be seeing H/V today so i am hoping she is able to offer us some help in this new area but not sure if she is even going to turn up really makes me mad when they can't even make the effort to call. but anyways thanks for information and hope didn't offend you by asking the questions was just wondering i know with AD/HD etc sometimes drugs are offered.


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## bek74

lynne192 said:


> i really hope james is like that at 10, i am really worried i have been fighting and taking classes seeing doctor after doctor SALT after SALT its hard work fighting the system but i am willing and able to put in any and all effort, we're in a new area now and meant to be seeing H/V today so i am hoping she is able to offer us some help in this new area but not sure if she is even going to turn up really makes me mad when they can't even make the effort to call. but anyways thanks for information and hope didn't offend you by asking the questions was just wondering i know with AD/HD etc sometimes drugs are offered.

Good heavens NO you did not offend me. I had alot of trouble with the system, they don't like to diagnose a child before school age. Once my son started year 1 the fight was on and I was so lucky to have a behaviour couch that was asigned to my son, see there was a problem and he was the one who pushed him through the system, we are so grateful for all of his support and for what he dhas done for our son.

Looks like the system sucks in every country, ashame that we have to fight so hard to get our children help, you would think they would open their arms with assistance, that they should recognize that these little people are struggling and see the impact it has on a family.

Good luck and keep on fighting, make sure your heard, tell your story to anyone who will listen and one day you will tell someone who can and will make a difference.

All the best...


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## lynne192

seen h/v today and she wants james to go a nursery that should be able to help him and refering him to a centre where he will see a OCT, behavourial psychologist, educational psychologist, psychologist (for his anger), early development department, SALT & something else which i have forgot lol


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## bek74

lynne192 said:


> seen h/v today and she wants james to go a nursery that should be able to help him and refering him to a centre where he will see a OCT, behavourial psychologist, educational psychologist, psychologist (for his anger), early development department, SALT & something else which i have forgot lol

Oh the anger, this part is one of the hardest. My little man still has his moments, his depression, his anxiety. It is all so heartbreaking.

That is great she is refering him, thats a positive step forward:thumbup:


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## lynne192

yeah lets hope we get a good amount of help from the people we see.... she phoned today after seeing her yesterday and she managed to get him into a better nursery with my teachers to kids and in staf SALT


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