# About to have IVF/ICSI, So scared it won't work, any first time success stories??



## Kzee

Hi all!

Last time I posted on here, I was in the TTC :wacko: Bit scary being here as I'm sure it is for everybody! 

Bit of background, I'm 31, DH is 34, we've been together for 11 years and recently got married. I have mild PCOS, which doesn't (shouldn't) affect my fertility. Have had low progesterone on blood tests before though. DH has low sperm count, morph and motility and each SA has fluctuated from 13million, to 20, to 5, to 2... crazy!

Anyway, after investigations we were referred for IVF with ICSI at St Barts in London. I have just started Downregulation injections and am due for my first baseline scan in a couple of weeks so all early days at the minute but happy to get the ball rolling. 

The problem I'm having is being totally and utterly petrified that it won't work! It really feels like you're putting all of your eggs in one basket, which, of course, you are! I'm trying to be positive and I keep imagining myself in the next couple of months, will I be pregnant? Or won't I and how on earth am I going to feel if I'm not?? I think i'm quite a strong person, but this TTC journey is pretty horrific, i'm sure you'll all agree and it's getting scarier. 

I just wondered if any others share this feelings and can offer any advice on how to cope with 'not knowing' all the time. I'm pretty impatient and hate not having definitive answers so of course, not great in this situation which requires endless patience and positivity.

Also, be amazing to hear from anyone who has any ICSI success stories! A bit on your background and how you coped with the whole process and finding out about your BFPs or not :shrug:

Thanks in advance and hopefully hear from you guys soon xx


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## Kzee

Any reassuring words out there???


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## Becki09

Didnt want to read and run

Cant give a success story as such but I have just finished my first IVF/ICSI cycle at Liverpool Women's. I was on a short protocol so didn't need to down reg, but other than the length of the cycle, they are pretty similar. 
The process is an emotional rollercoaster and like you say it's hard to keep positive but we have to remain hopeful. 

Me and My hubby are both 26, I have PCOS and have been TTC for 5 years. 
I stimmed for a total of 12 days, had egg collection and they retrieved 16 eggs, out of those 15 were mature enough for the ICSI procedure, and out of those 15, 9 Fertilised. 
Only one made it to blastocyst stage so I had a day 5 transfer yesterday!! 

Due to me not having any to freeze, it is worrying as we only have one further funded cycle and it does feel like we are putting all out eggs into one basket! 
But all we can do is remain hopeful and hope its our time. 

Wish you lots of luck with your cycle x


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## Kzee

Thanks so much for your response Becki! I must say your progress so far sounds great! Please keep us updated, I have everything crossed for you! xx


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## Pinkie3

Kzee, i didn't want to read and run either.

I dont have a success story for- yet! Me and the OH have also been together 11 years been trying for 2.5 years and i've never been pregnant. The OH sperm count has been low and by the sounds of it very lazy too, i also have a high FSH which means my eggs are not great. This was our first cycle i only had 5 eggs collected with 2 good enough for transfer. I was pretty upset at first but we need to remember it only takes one and try not get hung up on numbers its about the quality. 

My advice would be get excited about starting, think about it finally after all these years it might be your time. Also do everything you can to give yourself that best possible chance so if it doesn't work then you know you couldn't have done anymore. Try and relax during this part, cos i found it the easiest. I am currently PUPO and finding this part the hardest. 

Wishing all the best of luck x


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## KatherineA

Hi Kzee

I had my first IVF in June (my details are in my signature). Surprisingly it worked first time but sadly I suffered a miscarriage at the begining of September. 

Hopefully it will work for you first time. If not, you can always go again, I am hoping to try again with IVF in the next few months. 

Good luck !!!


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## Kzee

Thank you so much and I'm so sorry about your loss. These things are sent to try us I guess...

It's strange, we're all going through/have gone through the same thing, I think you're all amazing. 

I guess the thing I want to be reassured about is that if IVF doesn't work, could it still happen naturally. I know it's unlikely but I hate that this could be our only way, in case we're unsuccessful. Hmmmm, I don't know.

Any tips on trying to get the best quality eggs? My husband has being cutting down on the booze and taking vitamins. I've lost 35lbs in the past year so have been eating very healthily, drinking lots of water and excersizing 3 times a week. Also quit smoking last year so have got pretty healthy. Still treat myself at weekends though, including alcohol. But any tips / old wives tales would be gratefully received :) I mean, how do you make a "good" egg?! 

Take it easy everyone and please keep me updated on your treatment x


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## KateAnn

Hi all, 
I'm about to start DR too (23rd Oct) it's my first cycle of ivf, unexplained infertility. Did 3 cycles of clomid but it didn't work for us. I had a natural pregnancy in February 2012, but miscarried at about 7 weeks. Not a hint of a bfp since then and that's why we are now going down ivf route. Today I had an endo scratch which hurt like hell!!! Anybody else having or had this? I've heard good things about it, but like you all, so very scared that this wont work. It's very difficult to stay positive all the time. Plus my boss is not very understanding at all and is starting to be a bit funny about time off for appointments. I am a teacher so I can't take days off as 'holidays'. Was a complete mess going back to school this morning after the endo scratch but had to just get on with it. 
Would be nice to share our journeys and hear lots of success stories! 
Kate xx


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## KatherineA

Good Luck Kate Ann, I am going to ask about the endo scratch when I go for my NHS appointment. If they dont do it on the NHS, I will consider having it done privately. I dont know anyone who has had it done but there has been aot of coverage in the media about it recently. Dont know if I like the idea of it hurting so much but I guess it is worth it. 

Sorry to hear about the situation with your boss. Here's hoping you will get the time off you need 



KateAnn said:


> Hi all,
> I'm about to start DR too (23rd Oct) it's my first cycle of ivf, unexplained infertility. Did 3 cycles of clomid but it didn't work for us. I had a natural pregnancy in February 2012, but miscarried at about 7 weeks. Not a hint of a bfp since then and that's why we are now going down ivf route. Today I had an endo scratch which hurt like hell!!! Anybody else having or had this? I've heard good things about it, but like you all, so very scared that this wont work. It's very difficult to stay positive all the time. Plus my boss is not very understanding at all and is starting to be a bit funny about time off for appointments. I am a teacher so I can't take days off as 'holidays'. Was a complete mess going back to school this morning after the endo scratch but had to just get on with it.
> Would be nice to share our journeys and hear lots of success stories!
> Kate xx


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## highhopes2013

Hi! It worked first time for me but sadly I lost the baby at 11 weeks. I have read many success stories where it worked first time...u shud have hope! X


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## Kitty1978

Hi Kzee,

I too am just about to begin IVF/ICSI at St Barts for the first time. Am starting my DR injections on Friday this week. How did you find yours? I'm not good with needles and am petrified of doing them. Plus the list of side effects is pretty scary!

My DH and I have been ttc for 3 years now. We think the problem lies with him although tests seem to vary all the time. We managed to conceive once a year and half ago, but I sadly miscarried at 6 weeks. Since then we have had no luck.

I know exactly how you're feeling. Its such a nerve racking experience and although I was pesamistic at first, I'm now starting to allow myself to hope but I feel like I'm just setting myself up for a fall. I know I'm going to be devastated if it fails. 

I wish you all the best of luck, hopefully we'll both have some good news come Christmas!


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## PinkPeony

:wave: i was first time lucky with ICSI. I still can't believe it. I'm similar to you with progesterone issues and hubby has low count/motility (his counts were all over the place like that too). We had tried IUI 5 times with no luck.

I know how scary it is to take that plunge but your chances are soooo much better than with anything else. Try to approach it in a very step by step way, otherwise it can be really overwhelming. I looked at getting through each stage as its own success. Anyway if you have any questions at all, feel free to ask. Good luck!:flower:


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## Kzee

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your responses. So lovely to hear from people going through this.

Highhopes - so sorry for your loss. Do you have any more treatment coming up? What is the next step? 

Kitty! Ah, amazing that we're both at St Barts! I've found the DR injections absolutely fine, and i'm sure you will too. I'm not a fan of needles, not so much the discomfort, but the thought of it freaks me out. BUT this needle is so tiny, you can hardly feel it. I've been injecting into my thigh and I've heard a lot of people prefer the stomach area as it's less painful, but I found them fine so haven't tried changing to the stomach yet. Honestly, don't worry about them, they're not bad at all, in fact it's just a routine after the second day! Also, the side effects, I've not had many at all. I would say the only thing I've (my husband!) noticed was mood swings, ha! But nothing out of the norm from PMT. I just had two evenings of feeling a bit ratty and emotional but that's been it, so far!

So sorry about the MC :( I guess the only comfort is knowing that you can and have the potential to conceive naturally if the IVF doesn't work. Not much comfort after 3 years though, I'm sure. What has your partner's SA been like?

I can't help but imagining myself at Christmas, being pregnant but I know that might not happen and it's very hard flipping from one feeling to the other... I'm praying for us both and everyone else out there going through it! I wish you all the luck in the world, let's stay in touch!

PinkPeony, WOW! congratulations!! Amazing news and thanks so much for sharing. Can I ask what your OH SA results were? Thanks for your step by step advice... I'm definitely trying that approach and will keep at it. And you're right about the high chances, it's just so hard to be excited because you know you could be so low in a few weeks too. So happy for you though, love hearing these success stories! Have you told anyone yet?? 

xx


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## Kzee

Signature!


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## PinkPeony

Kzee said:


> Hi everyone, thank you so much for your responses. So lovely to hear from people going through this.
> 
> Highhopes - so sorry for your loss. Do you have any more treatment coming up? What is the next step?
> 
> Kitty! Ah, amazing that we're both at St Barts! I've found the DR injections absolutely fine, and i'm sure you will too. I'm not a fan of needles, not so much the discomfort, but the thought of it freaks me out. BUT this needle is so tiny, you can hardly feel it. I've been injecting into my thigh and I've heard a lot of people prefer the stomach area as it's less painful, but I found them fine so haven't tried changing to the stomach yet. Honestly, don't worry about them, they're not bad at all, in fact it's just a routine after the second day! Also, the side effects, I've not had many at all. I would say the only thing I've (my husband!) noticed was mood swings, ha! But nothing out of the norm from PMT. I just had two evenings of feeling a bit ratty and emotional but that's been it, so far!
> 
> So sorry about the MC :( I guess the only comfort is knowing that you can and have the potential to conceive naturally if the IVF doesn't work. Not much comfort after 3 years though, I'm sure. What has your partner's SA been like?
> 
> I can't help but imagining myself at Christmas, being pregnant but I know that might not happen and it's very hard flipping from one feeling to the other... I'm praying for us both and everyone else out there going through it! I wish you all the luck in the world, let's stay in touch!
> 
> PinkPeony, WOW! congratulations!! Amazing news and thanks so much for sharing. Can I ask what your OH SA results were? Thanks for your step by step advice... I'm definitely trying that approach and will keep at it. And you're right about the high chances, it's just so hard to be excited because you know you could be so low in a few weeks too. So happy for you though, love hearing these success stories! Have you told anyone yet??
> 
> xx

I've just told immediate family and a couple of my closest friends. Leaving it at that till I'm out of the danger zone for sure. It still feels weird to say outloud.

DH's SA's ranged from about 20-8 million or so and his motility was around 25%. We were told that his SA's were not so bad that we shouldn't have conceived after all that time so I was diagnosed as unexplained. After having done the ivf it's still not clear if there's something wrong with me bc my response was good. My ivf doctor said it was possibly something preventing fertilization. :shrug:


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## Kzee

PinkPeony said:


> Kzee said:
> 
> 
> Hi everyone, thank you so much for your responses. So lovely to hear from people going through this.
> 
> Highhopes - so sorry for your loss. Do you have any more treatment coming up? What is the next step?
> 
> Kitty! Ah, amazing that we're both at St Barts! I've found the DR injections absolutely fine, and i'm sure you will too. I'm not a fan of needles, not so much the discomfort, but the thought of it freaks me out. BUT this needle is so tiny, you can hardly feel it. I've been injecting into my thigh and I've heard a lot of people prefer the stomach area as it's less painful, but I found them fine so haven't tried changing to the stomach yet. Honestly, don't worry about them, they're not bad at all, in fact it's just a routine after the second day! Also, the side effects, I've not had many at all. I would say the only thing I've (my husband!) noticed was mood swings, ha! But nothing out of the norm from PMT. I just had two evenings of feeling a bit ratty and emotional but that's been it, so far!
> 
> So sorry about the MC :( I guess the only comfort is knowing that you can and have the potential to conceive naturally if the IVF doesn't work. Not much comfort after 3 years though, I'm sure. What has your partner's SA been like?
> 
> I can't help but imagining myself at Christmas, being pregnant but I know that might not happen and it's very hard flipping from one feeling to the other... I'm praying for us both and everyone else out there going through it! I wish you all the luck in the world, let's stay in touch!
> 
> PinkPeony, WOW! congratulations!! Amazing news and thanks so much for sharing. Can I ask what your OH SA results were? Thanks for your step by step advice... I'm definitely trying that approach and will keep at it. And you're right about the high chances, it's just so hard to be excited because you know you could be so low in a few weeks too. So happy for you though, love hearing these success stories! Have you told anyone yet??
> 
> xx
> 
> I've just told immediate family and a couple of my closest friends. Leaving it at that till I'm out of the danger zone for sure. It still feels weird to say outloud.
> 
> DH's SA's ranged from about 20-8 million or so and his motility was around 25%. We were told that his SA's were not so bad that we shouldn't have conceived after all that time so I was diagnosed as unexplained. After having done the ivf it's still not clear if there's something wrong with me bc my response was good. My ivf doctor said it was possibly something preventing fertilization. :shrug:Click to expand...

Wow, it's all just so weird this conception malarkey, can't get my head around any of it! I can't imagine how happy you must be... enjoy it and H&H 9 months xx


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## Briss

Hi Kzee, I cant give a success story yet we are still in the middle of it. Our first IVF after 3.5 years TTC. also sperm quality/quantity issues. We opted for natural/modified IVF which is very mild stimulation. I stimmed for a total of 5 days with 150 IU menopur but only had 2 large follicles and one was located next to my ovarian cyst so they decided not to risk it only collected one from the dominant follicle. The egg was mature for the ICSI procedure and successfully fertilised. they transferred 4 sell embryo on day 2 last Friday. 

You just have to take it day by day. when my follicles were growing we started with 6 and I had scans every other day and every time things changed so you just have to be very patient. My clinic was very good as they were always very encouraging and complementary about my follicles, lining, egg, embryo, always saying how perfect everything is. it's so important as you feel calm and confident that your embryo is the best ever and that's all you need to know really. I found that we cant control this process very much so you just have to go with it and hope for the best. make sure you eat your protein as follicles grow for egg quality and feel positive.

best of luck!


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## Kzee

Briss said:


> Hi Kzee, I cant give a success story yet we are still in the middle of it. Our first IVF after 3.5 years TTC. also sperm quality/quantity issues. We opted for natural/modified IVF which is very mild stimulation. I stimmed for a total of 5 days with 150 IU menopur but only had 2 large follicles and one was located next to my ovarian cyst so they decided not to risk it only collected one from the dominant follicle. The egg was mature for the ICSI procedure and successfully fertilised. they transferred 4 sell embryo on day 2 last Friday.
> 
> You just have to take it day by day. when my follicles were growing we started with 6 and I had scans every other day and every time things changed so you just have to be very patient. My clinic was very good as they were always very encouraging and complementary about my follicles, lining, egg, embryo, always saying how perfect everything is. it's so important as you feel calm and confident that your embryo is the best ever and that's all you need to know really. I found that we cant control this process very much so you just have to go with it and hope for the best. make sure you eat your protein as follicles grow for egg quality and feel positive.
> 
> best of luck!

Thanks so much, best of luck to you too! Hopefully, we will all become the success stories on here! Fingers crossed :hugs:


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## Kitty1978

Kzee-It would be great to keep in touch! It would be so nice to have a buddy that totally understands what we are going through. 

My DR injections start tomorrow morning (eek!) but you've reassured me that they're not too bad. I was thinking of using my thigh too, because of my pear shape, I've got a lot more fat on them than my stomach lol! 

My DH has had numerous SA. The first 2 were NHS which said although his count was high his morphology was very low. Then we had one at Lister which said the morphology was fine but the motility was slightly low but overall quite a reasonable result. Despite this more positive test, the docs still think the morphology is the problem which is why we're now beginning IVF.

Just wanted to mention something that might give us all hope. My friend has had an awful 8 years of ivf and miscarriages - 7 of them!!! Finally earlier this year they think they found the reason for her miscarriages, a sternum in her cervix which they removed. Two months later she was pregnant and she's now 21 weeks with everything looking well! There's hope for all of us. Think positive!!!


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## Kzee

Hey all, how's everyone doing? any updates? 

AFM, I'm just chugging along with my Buserelin injections so not much to report. Just getting impatient really... 

Hope you're all well. x


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## Janeyclaire

Hi there 

I'm not as far ahead as you are but I know exactly how you are feeling my stomach flips every time I think about it. Stay focused and positive. I keep thinking that if we didn't have issues we could still be waiting hoping and worrying about it not happening. So many people say relax and it will happen and ok for those of us needing help that might not be exactly true but I do believe trying to relax does help. Sending you positive thoughts xxx


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## vermeil

Kzee said:


> Any tips on trying to get the best quality eggs? My husband has being cutting down on the booze and taking vitamins. I've lost 35lbs in the past year so have been eating very healthily, drinking lots of water and excersizing 3 times a week. Also quit smoking last year so have got pretty healthy. Still treat myself at weekends though, including alcohol. But any tips / old wives tales would be gratefully received :) I mean, how do you make a "good" egg?!

Hello Kzee,

You`re already doing the very best things you can do to improve egg quality! Being at a good weight, eating well and exercising are THE best things you can do. Throw in some COQ10, 600mg a day and you`re good. That`s what my FS, ob/gyn etc all said.

My first son was a micro preemie due to placenta failure. He barely survived. The wonderful ob/gyn I saw after told me if I ever wanted a second child and to avoid this from happening again, the BEST thing I could do was lose weight and get in shape. I was a size 14-15. I took her words to heart. The angels singing down from the heavens and God saying those exact words couldn`t have made a stronger impact :haha: I lost 40 pounds in a year, got in shape and ate well. 

By the time we had the green light for number 2 I was 39. After a year we tried IVF. I was fit and healthy and taking the COQ10. They gave me the dosage for a 40 year old - I responded so well (exceptional, like a 30 year old they kept saying) I had ohss and had 22 ovules. The average at my age is 8 or so. We transfered two - bfp but chemical at 7 weeks. Not surprised if I look back, I was sooo loopy from all of the hormones.

Our first FET three months later they transfered 2 more - poof bfp again, and this time it stuck - I'll be 30 weeks along tomorrow. This baby already weighs 3 times what my first did at birth!! :cloud9:

Of course I'm not saying that what you`re doing will do miracles - only that they`re the very best you can do. Increases the bloodflow to the ovaries. The COQ10 improves egg quality too but it takes 3 months to have its full effect.

Good luck :hugs:


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## Kaylakin

Hi Kzee,

Just wanted to give you positive feedback that it can work the first time. My first IVF worked. I was classified as unexplained so they did half ICSI and half conventional fertilization just to ensure that there would be fertilization. We never found out along the way what the problem was - but there must be a problem of course. It's strange because we conceived naturally before having to undergo any fertility treatment - I suppose that was a fluke. I'm currently about to start trying for baby #2. I will start down regulation on Thursday I believe..

Do you have an approximate transfer date?

I agree with the previous poster who said to take it one step at a time if you can. Looking back on it, nothing was unmanageable - it was more fear of the unknown. Try not to think the worst - and tackle each issue as it arises. I was so worried that I would have enough eggs, then I worried they wouldn't fertilize, then I worried they wouldn't survive until transfer ... and everything turned out fine. It's easier said than done, though...It's pretty hard to think of anything else!


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## Kzee

Hello all!

Again, thank you so much for your replies, it REALLY helps!

Janeyclaire - I agree with you, there's definitely a different feeling during this time, I feel excited at the prospect of the next couple of months and what COULD happen! But it's a double edged sword, along with this feeling is complete terror at how I/we would cope with more failure at this last resort. But, I would say that positivity is overriding the other feelings, perhaps just today, but hey! What is your story? Hope to hear from you soon x

vermeil - Thank you soooooooo much for your encouraging words! Congratulations too! So amazing, you must be over the moon! COQ10 looks pretty scarce over here in the UK. But when I go for my baseline scan, i'll ask about it or an alternative. I actually lost the weight for my wedding in August, but obviously the quitting smoking and diet/exercise for my fertility was always at the forefront of my mind. When the wedding was all over, I've found it hard to get back into it, I think I need a goal and this is certainly the best one! I just hope it's enough! Hope the pregnancy is going well and stay in touch! x

Kaylakin - Hi, thank you for your story, gives me hope! I have my baseline scan in a week (Oct 22) so i'll find out if everything is looking good so far and then start the next set of meds, which I think, should be for approx. 12 days, then it should be ER followed by ET if all goes to plan (pleeeeeeeeeeease!) So I guess, around 8th-12th of November would be ET. Fingers crossed! Do you have a date for your FET? Yes, I can imagine worrying about every little step, as you said! I'm a natural worrier anyway but hopefully I can control it for something as huge and important as this. I have to. 

Speak soon guys xx


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## gingerbelle

Hi Kzee,

Tonight I came to the realization that I believe I might be semi depressed over my infertility. I have been positive for 2 years about this..and tonight I feel like I'm stopping being optimistic, and becoming realistic. I still can't believe I'm infertile. I was so happy when I found your post, because I'm in the same boat. And I was even more excited when I saw the date you posted. I will be starting stims in November, and I should find out if I'm pregnant or not before Christmas as well. Crossing my fingers and praying for both of us!

I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and my husband has a low sperm count. Im 28 and DH is 34. Ive have multiple iui's with no success. I never thought Id be here. Every woman in my family became pregnant multiple times without even trying. And I feel its the girls that want it the most that can't.. ugh. But what scares me most, is if I do become blessed with a pregnancy..that ill loose it. And I don't know if I can mentally and emotionally withstand that. 

I sound so negative, Im just so sad. I would love some buddies during this time! If anyone has any positive stories Id really appreciate it as I need them so much now.

All the best to you and to all the girls going through this!!


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## Kaylakin

Gingerbelle,
I feel like I could have written your post when I did IVF the first time(2 years ago). I was 30, my husband 33 or so. I had (have) unexplained infertility. I had 4 failed IUIs. No one in my family or any of my friends had any trouble getting pregnant, and no one around me understood. People just didn't get it unless they've been through it. I always felt like it was so easy for everyone else.
I could never imagine myself being pregnant and carrying a baby full term because it had never happened to me. Luckily, IVF worked for us the first time, and everything went well and I had a baby. 
Looking back, the hardest part was the not knowing what was going to happen. I didn't know what the future held, and I thought I'd be the only person in the world for whom IVF wouldn't work. 
It's hard not to imagine the worst (for example, like you said, getting pregnant then losing the baby, etc), but try not to let your mind go there because if that is to happen, it will happen, and there's nothing you can do about it. Most likely, it won't happen - and you'll have been worrying for no reason. I do understand feeling down and depressed. I didn't realize how depressed I was until I finally got out of my funk (when I was pregnant). We all just do the best we can to get through each day. Now I'm preparing for a second baby with a FET, and I'm also imagining the worst case scenarios. What if I don't get pregnant? What if I do and then I lose the baby? I have to tell myself to not imagine that, and to deal with that if it ever does happen - but thinking about that may be pointless when all is said and done. 
It's easier said than done, but try to take it one step at a time. Do what you can to protect yourself at this time, even if it means avoiding certain things like baby showers, etc - it's survival mode right now!
I hope this helped somewhat - just know that for all the people who get pregnant no problem, there are so many others just like you who struggle and need medical intervention. Also, what I've realized now that I've been on both sides (infertility but also being pregnant and having a child) is that everyone suffers with something - I have a friend who easily gets pregnant, but the other day her water broke at 30 weeks and she's in the hospital on bedrest. There are always things to be grateful for, everyone has their cross to bear - it has put things in perspective a bit. 
Having said all that, don't feel bad about not feeling optimistic all of the time. You can't be cheery and happy all of the time, when probably all you can think of is getting pregnant. It used to be the only thing I could think of - day in and day out. It's a bit easier now only because I have a son. I still find myself wanting so badly to be pregnant, and resentful at times that I have to go through all of this just for the chance to be pregnant - no guarantees. I still feel a stab in the chest when people announce a surprise pregnancy or any pregnancy at all for that matter! I'll always feel different from a lot of people in that respect. On the other hand, I can tell you that I will never forget how much I wanted my first baby, and it makes me so appreciative every day for him. It reminds me never to take him for granted. 
Ok, I've rambled enough - but know that you're not alone, and you can vent here any time - 
Feel better!




gingerbelle said:


> Hi Kzee,
> 
> Tonight I came to the realization that I believe I might be semi depressed over my infertility. I have been positive for 2 years about this..and tonight I feel like I'm stopping being optimistic, and becoming realistic. I still can't believe I'm infertile. I was so happy when I found your post, because I'm in the same boat. And I was even more excited when I saw the date you posted. I will be starting stims in November, and I should find out if I'm pregnant or not before Christmas as well. Crossing my fingers and praying for both of us!
> 
> I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and my husband has a low sperm count. Im 28 and DH is 34. Ive have multiple iui's with no success. I never thought Id be here. Every woman in my family became pregnant multiple times without even trying. And I feel its the girls that want it the most that can't.. ugh. But what scares me most, is if I do become blessed with a pregnancy..that ill loose it. And I don't know if I can mentally and emotionally withstand that.
> 
> I sound so negative, Im just so sad. I would love some buddies during this time! If anyone has any positive stories Id really appreciate it as I need them so much now.
> 
> All the best to you and to all the girls going through this!!


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## Kaylakin

Kzee - how are your meds going?
I'm doing Lupron injections for now, and I have a scan/bloodwork on Thursday which I suppose is for a suppression check. After that I add in more meds, and I will have a timeline and a tentative transfer date, which will be great! You're getting close now...hope all is well!



Kzee said:


> Hello all!
> 
> Again, thank you so much for your replies, it REALLY helps!
> 
> Janeyclaire - I agree with you, there's definitely a different feeling during this time, I feel excited at the prospect of the next couple of months and what COULD happen! But it's a double edged sword, along with this feeling is complete terror at how I/we would cope with more failure at this last resort. But, I would say that positivity is overriding the other feelings, perhaps just today, but hey! What is your story? Hope to hear from you soon x
> 
> vermeil - Thank you soooooooo much for your encouraging words! Congratulations too! So amazing, you must be over the moon! COQ10 looks pretty scarce over here in the UK. But when I go for my baseline scan, i'll ask about it or an alternative. I actually lost the weight for my wedding in August, but obviously the quitting smoking and diet/exercise for my fertility was always at the forefront of my mind. When the wedding was all over, I've found it hard to get back into it, I think I need a goal and this is certainly the best one! I just hope it's enough! Hope the pregnancy is going well and stay in touch! x
> 
> Kaylakin - Hi, thank you for your story, gives me hope! I have my baseline scan in a week (Oct 22) so i'll find out if everything is looking good so far and then start the next set of meds, which I think, should be for approx. 12 days, then it should be ER followed by ET if all goes to plan (pleeeeeeeeeeease!) So I guess, around 8th-12th of November would be ET. Fingers crossed! Do you have a date for your FET? Yes, I can imagine worrying about every little step, as you said! I'm a natural worrier anyway but hopefully I can control it for something as huge and important as this. I have to.
> 
> Speak soon guys xx


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## Kzee

gingerbelle said:


> Hi Kzee,
> 
> Tonight I came to the realization that I believe I might be semi depressed over my infertility. I have been positive for 2 years about this..and tonight I feel like I'm stopping being optimistic, and becoming realistic. I still can't believe I'm infertile. I was so happy when I found your post, because I'm in the same boat. And I was even more excited when I saw the date you posted. I will be starting stims in November, and I should find out if I'm pregnant or not before Christmas as well. Crossing my fingers and praying for both of us!
> 
> I have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and my husband has a low sperm count. Im 28 and DH is 34. Ive have multiple iui's with no success. I never thought Id be here. Every woman in my family became pregnant multiple times without even trying. And I feel its the girls that want it the most that can't.. ugh. But what scares me most, is if I do become blessed with a pregnancy..that ill loose it. And I don't know if I can mentally and emotionally withstand that.
> 
> I sound so negative, Im just so sad. I would love some buddies during this time! If anyone has any positive stories Id really appreciate it as I need them so much now.
> 
> All the best to you and to all the girls going through this!!

Hi Gingerbelle,

Thanks so much for getting in touch. I completely understand how you're feeling, so know you're not alone. But I know, it does feel lonely no matter what. But I can relate so much. I have awful days and then some ok ones. I'm just so scared at how I will handle the situation if it's bad. 

It's just so hard to see others pregnant, at the minute, it feels like everyone I know is making an announcement. It makes my heart jump when I see something on facebook. I always feel happy for people, but so dumbfounded at how it could be so easy and quick. I have my friends baby shower this weekend too, but I've got pretty good at putting on a brave face nowadays!

Have you started your treatment yet? I would love to stay in touch and go through this with you girls, so keep me updated and all you can do is take one step at a time and hope for the best. I'm praying for us all. Take it easy xx


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## Kzee

Kaylakin said:


> Kzee - how are your meds going?
> I'm doing Lupron injections for now, and I have a scan/bloodwork on Thursday which I suppose is for a suppression check. After that I add in more meds, and I will have a timeline and a tentative transfer date, which will be great! You're getting close now...hope all is well!

Hi Kaylakin!

Thanks for asking. Well, I had my first baseline scan last week and that went well, my lining was thin, or whatever it's supposed to be! So they started me on my stimming meds (Gonal F) in the evenings and still taking Buserelin in the mornings. Had a scan on Monday to check how i'm responding to the stims and I responded well, but maybe too well and they lowered my medication. Had my second scan today and I have 19 follicles which apparently is a good start and they will see me again on Friday and if everything is how it should be then, I should get a date for egg retrieval. Exciting but very scary too!!

How are you finding the deregulation meds? I was mostly fine, but had mood swings and headaches.

Really hope you're well! Speak soon xx


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## Briss

gingerbelle, I've been TTC with low sperm count for 3.5 years now and I've tried everything to improve my DH's SA but unfortunately nothing really made any substantial improvement. we just had our first natural; cycle IVF which ended in chemical but at least for the first time I saw some kind of attempt at implantation. in 3.5 TTC naturally we have not seen even a hint at BFP. I do believe that low sperm count (unless it's just temporary and is caused by poor lifestyle which is easily treated with supplements) is very hard to beat and in our case I am convinced that ICSI is the way to go. we only had one egg as it was natural IVF and it successfully fertilised via ICSI, it was transferred on day two and it continued dividing inside my uterus and even tried to implant. I think with low sperm count his swimmers probably never even got to my tubes or were so tired that were unable to penetrate the egg so I doubt we even ever had an embryo. with ICSI I hope we stand a chance. it's all down to embryologist picking a really good one next time.


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## Kzee

Hi Briss

I saw you on another post recently. Hope you're doing ok. It's good that you're seeing the chemical as some sort of positive.

When I was first told we'd need ICSI, I was gutted as I thought that it must be SO severe, but now I've realised that I'd be more worried if we were doing just normal IVF, with poor sperm. 

What are your next steps and when do you start?

Fingers crossed for us all xx


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## Briss

Kzee, I resisted ICSI for as long as I could but I just see now that with our sperm issue and my age it's just the only way (particularly if we want to have more than one child). I am hoping to start our next cycle asap but I am still waiting for our review app next week and also want to see a gynaecologist to ask about Cervical cyst which was seen on my scan post IVF and my spotting this cycle (I spotted until CD10!) just want to rule out endometritis which could prevent implantation. 

It was very hard emotionally, seeing a BPF for the first time (I was so happy I cried) and then almost BFN the next day and very low beta which dropped in 2 days to negative&#8230; very cruel to be given a bfp only to be taken away from you the next day. very hard I must admit but at create they said chemical is a positive sign that my body is doing what it is supposed to, probably there was some chromosomal issue with the sperm or the egg. it happens a lot particularly in our age group so we just need to wait for a good quality egg/sperm next time. 

Fingers crossed for us all!!!


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## Kaylakin

Kzee - wow..things are going well for you..can't believe you'll have an ER date soon. Do you feel it is going quickly now? I've felt OK on the down reg meds - occasional bad headaches and one day of dizziness. Now things are settling down...



Kzee said:


> Kaylakin said:
> 
> 
> Kzee - how are your meds going?
> I'm doing Lupron injections for now, and I have a scan/bloodwork on Thursday which I suppose is for a suppression check. After that I add in more meds, and I will have a timeline and a tentative transfer date, which will be great! You're getting close now...hope all is well!
> 
> Hi Kaylakin!
> 
> Thanks for asking. Well, I had my first baseline scan last week and that went well, my lining was thin, or whatever it's supposed to be! So they started me on my stimming meds (Gonal F) in the evenings and still taking Buserelin in the mornings. Had a scan on Monday to check how i'm responding to the stims and I responded well, but maybe too well and they lowered my medication. Had my second scan today and I have 19 follicles which apparently is a good start and they will see me again on Friday and if everything is how it should be then, I should get a date for egg retrieval. Exciting but very scary too!!
> 
> How are you finding the deregulation meds? I was mostly fine, but had mood swings and headaches.
> 
> Really hope you're well! Speak soon xxClick to expand...


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## cass86

Hi I just thought I would give you some reassurance. I am currently 7 months pregnant with twins after our 1st cycle of ICSI. I really found that staying positive and focused really helped me. I also used to listen to relaxation tapes in the evening and visualise your baby. We had been trying for 5 years and had 1 mc and now we are finally here. Stay positive and it will happen.

Fingers crossed for everyone


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## Kzee

cass86 said:


> Hi I just thought I would give you some reassurance. I am currently 7 months pregnant with twins after our 1st cycle of ICSI. I really found that staying positive and focused really helped me. I also used to listen to relaxation tapes in the evening and visualise your baby. We had been trying for 5 years and had 1 mc and now we are finally here. Stay positive and it will happen.
> 
> Fingers crossed for everyone

Cass! Thank you so much for success story! Congratulations! :happydance:


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## gingerbelle

Kzee, Kaylakin, and Briss..Thank you so much for your posts!! I feel asleep last night feeling so down, and your posts truly brightened my morning :)

Your story Kaylakin is inspirational and I thank you for sharing it!! Briss, Im so sorry for your chemical. And I pray for your second time at ivf. What is natural ivf? I never heard of it?

Kzee- I start my Lupron shots on Nov 13th. Im excited and nervous at the same time lol. I hate shots! And i will be taking so many for a few weeks. I really hope all goes well for you!!

How is your experience so far? And if anyone else could share their ivf experience id greatly appreciate it. With injectables I retained A LOT of water and I was beyond emotional. Im nervous with ivf that it would would be more emotional. Im nervous it will interfere with my work and Im wondering if I should take some vacation days. Does anyone recommend that? and if so which point in the cycle?

Thank you again for your posts!!


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## Briss

gingerbelle, natural IVF is like ordinary IVf minus the meds. in completely natural cycle you only get one egg from the dominant follicle; in natural/modified you get very mild stimulation and may get up to 7 eggs but usually 2-3. 

There is some more info on who is doing natural IVf on B&B:

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/a...ural-ivf-cycle-october-update-first-page.html 

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/trying-conceive-over-35/1856095-natural-cycle-ivf.html


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## gingerbelle

Wow. I've never even been offered natural Ivf. I wish I would've since they say that my eggs are good. Are you going to be trying it again? Or are you going to try the typical Ivf with meds?


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## AuCa

Briss - I'm sorry for your chemical :hugs: I remember you from the CBFM thread (a looooong time ago), and I've been wondering how things were going for you.

As for me - I'm unfortunately one of the "first time IVF (&ICSI) and fail" stories. I think it's great to be optimistic, but even better to throw in some realistic expectations. I think IVF works very often on the first cycle (maybe 50/50), but there is a lot of things that can go wrong too.
On the other side, there is really not much you can do to prepare yourself for a negative outcome. I for example thought I was mentally prepared, but in the end I really wasn't.

I guess one more thing I want to say - my personal opinion is that all of this is just fate. I personally really don't think anything we do can really influence the outcome, so I wouldn't stress too much about trying not to be stressed, or following exact rules for how much to move around after transfer etc.

Gingerbelle - I took a few days off and I would definitely recommend that - both around retrieval and transfer. Once we try again I might even take the entire 2 weeks off.
I was emotional, but not because of the meds but because of the entire process (things didn't go as expected for us, we dealt with a potential cancelation etc).


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## Briss

gingerbelle, we opted for natural IVf because we have sperm count issues and I have high FSH so the NHS refused funding for the conventional IVF. I want to try a completely natural IVf again because it's less disruptive for my cycle and health but will rely on what my clinic will advise at our review app. 

AuCa, hi I am very sorry to hear about your IVF. when are you going to try again? how is your cycle going back to normal after the IVF? I have a few things going wrong and need to check before I can repeat it. I agree it's to a certain degree down to luck, in our age group not all eggs are of good quality so we just have to wait for a good one, same stand for sperm even with ICSI you cannot guarantee that a good looking sperm has good chromosomes. I took a few days off for EC/ET and will do that again to give the embryo some piece and quiet and perfect environment for implantation


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## AuCa

Briss said:


> AuCa, hi I am very sorry to hear about your IVF. when are you going to try again? how is your cycle going back to normal after the IVF? I have a few things going wrong and need to check before I can repeat it. I agree it's to a certain degree down to luck, in our age group not all eggs are of good quality so we just have to wait for a good one, same stand for sperm even with ICSI you cannot guarantee that a good looking sperm has good chromosomes.

The IVF was in July, so my cycles are back to "normal" (my cycles have never been quite normal) now. The 2 first periods after the BFN were bad - heavier, longer, nasty. And the cycle length was off too.
Same for me - suspected polyp and have been waiting since months to get a sonohysterogram done to see if I need surgery or not. Very frustrating. I always thought once we're at the IVF state things would go smoothly, but we are now back to square one it seems. We are also getting a 2nd opinion and potentially changing clinics.
I did have an egg quality issue according to our RE, and I suspect I have some kind of PCOS which was never really looked into since everybody always focused on DH.
Anyway, it'll be the new year for sure before we can try again. I'm hoping I won't need to go on a wait list for surgery, but who knows....


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## Kzee

Hi everyone! Just wanted to see how everyone's getting on? 

I'm smack bang in the middle of the TWW. Not sure how I feel really, but if say leaning towards thinking it's not worked. No particular reason, just can't imagine it working! Anyway, still hopeful for a BFP next week! Praying!

Hope to hear from you soon x


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## holdontohope

Just wanted to give you hope with a success story :) 

My first IVF with ICSI was successful. My tiny mircale was born 5 weeks early and is now a healthy 3 1/2 month old (corrected age 2m2w). I had many odds stacked against me. I have stage 4 endo with damage to my ovaries, tubes and uterus. I also used a sperm donor which was frozen sperm. 

I had a lot of mixed emotions on if it would work or not! I am very blessed for my little girl and I also have 10 frozen embryos!! :cloud9: 

Miracles do happen! 

Good luck girls!!!!!!!


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## Kaylakin

Kzee said:


> Hi everyone! Just wanted to see how everyone's getting on?
> 
> I'm smack bang in the middle of the TWW. Not sure how I feel really, but if say leaning towards thinking it's not worked. No particular reason, just can't imagine it working! Anyway, still hopeful for a BFP next week! Praying!
> 
> Hope to hear from you soon x

Kzee,

Oh boy..2WW is the hardest! Now's the quiet time when you're not going to the clinic and your brain takes over - it's torture! I'm so hoping you get a BFP. If it's any help, I had no clue if my IVF was a success and I never tested early because I couldn't bear a BFN before the official testing date. Even down to when I got the phone call, I had no idea if it had worked, but it had. It's impossible to symptom spot because you are on a bunch of meds, etc. I really really hope things go well for you... are you keeping yourself busy through the wait?


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