# new pregnancy after losing my son at 20w please help



## LaceFace88

Im not sure where to post. I have posted about my loss on here and i have found out im pregnant again. I am now 15 weeks and terrified of losing this baby. I want to be happy about it but when i start to get a little excited i get the worst feeling of guilt because i feel awful to be happy when my little man is gone. I guess i can relate to you guys more than with other pregnant women because you guys understand what its like to lose a baby further along. Are there any other women pregnant now after a second trimester loss, or those who have have babies after the loss really need some words of comfort and success stories for hope and to know if the guilt i feel is normal any responses would be greatly appreciated


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## Andypanda6570

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:I can only imagine how you feel..
I lost my Ava at 22 weeks on March 3, 2011 ( I cannot even believe it's almost 4 years) .. I was 40 and already had 3 boys, much older. She was a perfect surprise :cloud9:.. After I lost her I did want to try right away, but I slowly changed my mind. It was definitely cause of my age, I was almost 41 when I lost her and I just gave up.

I do regret it and to me you are brave and I think everything with you will be just fine.. I often wonder what would have happened if I actively pursued getting pregnant, I know I would have in time..So to me I think it's wonderful that your pregnant again and I know your scared , terrified, but give everything time and I know it will go smoothly..

All The Best For A H&H 9 months.. XOXOXOOX <3 <3


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## LaceFace88

Thank you so much. I am trying not to stress out over it too much but it is hard. Especially as the weeks go by and the time comes closer to when i lost my son. I cant really talk to my husband about it because when i do he says not to worry n he doesnt want to talk about our son. I still havnt been able to have a conversation with himabout losing our son. I know it bothers him and he worries too but i guess he feels like he needs to be strong for me. I just hope these next months go by quickly and hope everything goes ok because i dont know what i would do if it happened again. Thank you for your response i FEEL a little better knowing what im feeling is normal. I am sorry about Ava. I know the heartbreak of losing a baby but i think if my son was a girl it would have been even harder for me ( i have four living boys) you are a very strong woman and i have kept up with your story since i joined nine months ago and you are such an inspiration to me and im sure alot of other women also. Knowing what you been through and how now four years later you are stronger. Your words truely mean alot thank you &#128512;


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## sammie13s

I lost my daughter at 9 days old. I had her by emergency cection at 29 weeks on the 1st February 2014. I'm now 15 weeks pregnant and I'm terrified. It's very frightening but kinda thinking what will be will be. If any happens to this baby I'll get through it cos I have too. I will then no longer try for anymore. But still trying to think positive. Everything looks good upto now and that makes me happy xx


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## LaceFace88

I am fifteen weeks also due on june 24th what is your due date


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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> Thank you so much. I am trying not to stress out over it too much but it is hard. Especially as the weeks go by and the time comes closer to when i lost my son. I cant really talk to my husband about it because when i do he says not to worry n he doesnt want to talk about our son. I still havnt been able to have a conversation with himabout losing our son. I know it bothers him and he worries too but i guess he feels like he needs to be strong for me. I just hope these next months go by quickly and hope everything goes ok because i dont know what i would do if it happened again. Thank you for your response i FEEL a little better knowing what im feeling is normal. I am sorry about Ava. I know the heartbreak of losing a baby but i think if my son was a girl it would have been even harder for me ( i have four living boys) you are a very strong woman and i have kept up with your story since i joined nine months ago and you are such an inspiration to me and im sure alot of other women also. Knowing what you been through and how now four years later you are stronger. Your words truely mean alot thank you &#128512;

WOW!! Thank you so much.. That means so much to me..I wish you all the best XOXO :hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## LaceFace88

I went on monday to my big ultrasound sound and found out after havin 5 boys and losing my Elijah i am finally having a little girl. I want to be so excited because i have prayed snd prayed for a daughter but i am so scared its too good to be true the fear of losing this baby is filling my head constantly i am just so scared.


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## mummytobe_93

Sorry for your loss and I've never experienced a second trimester loss so can't relate. 

But I just wanted to say, the chances of this pregnancy being successful is in your favour. Just get through getting through each week, when you hit 24 weeks you have reached viability, think about reaching 24 first and then the next week and so on! 

I'm hoping you have an easy pregnancy and I'm sure it will be successful x


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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> I went on monday to my big ultrasound sound and found out after havin 5 boys and losing my Elijah i am finally having a little girl. I want to be so excited because i have prayed snd prayed for a daughter but i am so scared its too good to be true the fear of losing this baby is filling my head constantly i am just so scared.

I am SOooo happy for you. I had 3 boys and knowing I was having a girl for my fourth (Ava) was just, I can't even explain what I felt :cry:

It will be ok and you will have a great pregnancy, i know it.. I know you are not gonna relax, I wouldn't either so I wont tell you to either. Just get through each appt. and with good news at each appt. your fear will get less, I promise..I am so excited for you...Congrats XOXOXOXO


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## LaceFace88

Everyday that passes i am just grateful to have made it another day. I just wish it would go faster i know that i need to try and not worry im hoping as time.goes by itwill get eaiser. Thank you all for your kind words it means alot &#55357;&#56832;


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## Andypanda6570

How you doing? You feeling ok, a little more positive/
XO <3:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## LaceFace88

I actually have been having so many braxton hicks lately and went into my normal 21w check up today and told my midwife. She is running a few tests but has started me on antibiotics because she thinks I have a bladder infection. She said that's the number one cause of preterm labor so she wants me to call in if they happen more then four tines an hour but she said its early signs of infection so hoping we caught it in time. A little scared but trying to be positive.


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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> I actually have been having so many braxton hicks lately and went into my normal 21w check up today and told my midwife. She is running a few tests but has started me on antibiotics because she thinks I have a bladder infection. She said that's the number one cause of preterm labor so she wants me to call in if they happen more then four tines an hour but she said its early signs of infection so hoping we caught it in time. A little scared but trying to be positive.

I think you caught it on time. I know you are scared, I can imagine.. Just try to stay positive, i know it's really hard. I hope you will let me follow you on this journey? I would love to hear ( Read LOL)updates.. I am so excited for you.. XO Andrea:hugs:


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## LaceFace88

Of course I don't mind you following and keeping up with me it really helps to have people willing to listen to my concerns and sharing good news. My midwife called and said I not only have a uti but have a very very colonized case of group b strep. I am on a very high dose of antibiotics because I am more high risk than any other women having had preterm labor before. I will be on these antibiotics for seven days and then ass necessary throughout the rest of the pregnancy as needed and of course while I'm in labor. I have been researching and I have to have at least four hours of iv meds before giving birth and that has me very worried because my labors are very quick. When I had my third child I was only in labor at hospital for two hours and for the first hour and a half they had Mr walking around because my labor is never typical. I don't contract the way normal women do my contractions are never regular they can be 7 mins apart then 2 mins apart and then 5 mins apart they are always random and don't follow the normal labor pattern. And I feel this one will be quick as well because this will be the third time in less than two years that I have gone into labor and it seems to go faster and faster each time. I think I might ask her if I can take oral antibiotics when I'm 35+ weeks because I also never make it to my due date I always go between 37-38 weeks and am afraid what if I don't have time to get the full iv dose. There are so many complications that can happen if baby gets infected. I will be devestated to go the full term and then baby get sick and possibly pass away. My husband is actually sharing my feelings with this which is really strange because he is such an introvert he never expresses his emotions but he has been crying for the loss of our son a lot lately. In the beginning he didn't want to ever even talk about it and now he has started finally letting it out. He calls me serveral times a day from work to see how his Lil girl is and he gets emotional thinking he don't know what he will do if we lose her to. I'm trying to take it day by day and am so greatful every time o feel her move because I know at least at this time she is okay!! Thanks for checking up on me and letting me get this all out it means a lot!! Hugs


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## Tasha

:hugs: hun. Has anyone explained to you that if you can't have the four hours of IV antibiotics then they will just give baby antibiotics as a precautionary measure? That's what happens when you're a known strep b carrier. So please don't worry about baby passing away due to it :hugs:


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## nicksi27

LaceFace88 said:


> Im not sure where to post. I have posted about my loss on here and i have found out im pregnant again. I am now 15 weeks and terrified of losing this baby. I want to be happy about it but when i start to get a little excited i get the worst feeling of guilt because i feel awful to be happy when my little man is gone. I guess i can relate to you guys more than with other pregnant women because you guys understand what its like to lose a baby further along. Are there any other women pregnant now after a second trimester loss, or those who have have babies after the loss really need some words of comfort and success stories for hope and to know if the guilt i feel is normal any responses would be greatly appreciated

Hello i can totally relate to your post. Congratulations on your new pregnancy :flower: There IS hope after loss and you WILL get through this. I lost my little boy jacob at 20+5 (told there was no heartbeat at the 20 wk scan) and my world literally fell apart. I gave birth to beautiful boy two days later and after his funeral i knew that i needed to have another baby because i just felt too empty. After we got all the test results back we were able to try again and 5 months later i found out i was pregnant. Like you i went through every single emotion including guilt. I especially felt guilty when i found out i was having another boy, i didnt want jacob to think it was being replaced. Im not going to lie my pregnancy was a nightmare. I lived in a state of panic for 9 months thinking i was gonna go to a scan and my baby had died but im am a natural worrier. I then developed a complication at about 28 weeks where i made too much fluid and was told that something might be wrong with the baby. I had scan after scan, was absolutely massive but at 38 weeks i was induced and my perfect little baby was here i couldnt believe it. Hes a true blessing and is absolutely adored. Sorry ive gone on! My advice to you is try to relax and dont be too hard on yourself. Guilt is a natural feeling but you are not trying to replace your little fella, he will always be with you. Wishing you a very happy and healthy pregnancy xx :hugs::hugs:

p.s. Just read the replies and can see you have found out you are having a little girl massive congrats :)


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## NotNic

Personally I haven't had a second tri loss however my SIL and a good friend both had an ethical loss after 20 wk scans and two more friends with mmc at 16wks and 20wks. 3 of the four have since gone on to have two more children each with healthy pgs and outcomes and the 4th is now 20wks pg. You are going to be cautious and anxious which is totally normally but you have every right to enjoy this pregnancy and to believe all will be well. Best wishes Hun xxx


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## LaceFace88

Thank you for all your replies hearing success stories is definitely a big help with easing my worries. I had a fall over the weekend and went straight to the labor ward thankfully everything was fine. I was having lots of pains but my cervix is complete and no signs of thinning. I was so relieved. The days seem to be dragging. Just wishing everything will be OK taking it on day at a time. I find myself poking and prodding my stomach if I haven't felt her move which thankfully she moves a lot so haven't had to do it much since she has been pretty active. It is just a time of mixed emotions having the guilt and then also trying to be excited for her. I started buying cloths and a stroller and even a bassinet it was all on clearance and just too cute and cheap to pass up. Then I think oh god is she doesn't make it I have all these things but trying to be positive. Thanks for all your support.:winkwink:


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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> Thank you for all your replies hearing success stories is definitely a big help with easing my worries. I had a fall over the weekend and went straight to the labor ward thankfully everything was fine. I was having lots of pains but my cervix is complete and no signs of thinning. I was so relieved. The days seem to be dragging. Just wishing everything will be OK taking it on day at a time. I find myself poking and prodding my stomach if I haven't felt her move which thankfully she moves a lot so haven't had to do it much since she has been pretty active. It is just a time of mixed emotions having the guilt and then also trying to be excited for her. I started buying cloths and a stroller and even a bassinet it was all on clearance and just too cute and cheap to pass up. Then I think oh god is she doesn't make it I have all these things but trying to be positive. Thanks for all your support.:winkwink:

I am SO happy everything is ok.. It's so hard not to be excited, meanwhile you have so much fear.. I remember when I was like 8 weeks pregnant with Ava I would just walk around in shock I was pregnant at 40 but also I was just smiling constantly. I was so happy.. I am glad you are getting on with things, your post seems more positive.. XO <3:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## LaceFace88

Thanks Andrea! Tomorrow is the 24w mark and I can't believe I'm here . it brings me a little bit of hope knowing at least if I go into preterm labor she has atleast a chance to fight. Taking it day by day has seemed to help a lot. I try not to worry as much and feeling her move is reassuring. Two of my cousins had babies last week and surprisingly I wasn't upset like I thought I would be I was actually very happy and excited for them. If it had been a few months ago it would have been completely different. I could barely stand to see or hear a newborn so I know things are moving in the right direction of my healing process.


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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> Thanks Andrea! Tomorrow is the 24w mark and I can't believe I'm here . it brings me a little bit of hope knowing at least if I go into preterm labor she has atleast a chance to fight. Taking it day by day has seemed to help a lot. I try not to worry as much and feeling her move is reassuring. Two of my cousins had babies last week and surprisingly I wasn't upset like I thought I would be I was actually very happy and excited for them. If it had been a few months ago it would have been completely different. I could barely stand to see or hear a newborn so I know things are moving in the right direction of my healing process.

That is how I also knew I was coming to terms with my grief .. I could finally see and be around and hold a newborn. It was a great feeling and a sad one, but I was so happy I could actually do it and be ok.. It took time , but I got there..I am so happy you are at the 24 week mark!!!!!!! I am glad you are feeling better.. Can't wait to see and read about this wonderful journey. Thanks for sharing it with me, it means a lot..XOXOXO <3:hugs::hugs:


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## LaceFace88

Well girls i will be 35 weeks this upcoming week. I am full of mixed emotions. I am excited that my daughter will be here shortly but am terrified something will go wrong. I have group b strep and am getting worried that because my labor progressed so quickly for my last three pregnacys that i wont make it in time to get the meds. I spoke with my midwife about the concerns i have and she assured me a little. She said as soon as i feel anything go straight to labor and delivery. She would rather me get sent home then me end up going in too late. The guilt has also returned as i am getting closer. I have been going to my sons grave and just crying so much i dont wish i wasnt having my daughter but i wish i could have them both here with me. I know if my son had made it i wouldnt be having my daughter so i dont want to wish that id never had her either i just cant wait for the day when the good lord hands me back my little Elijah. Until then my heart will forever be broken.


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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> Well girls i will be 35 weeks this upcoming week. I am full of mixed emotions. I am excited that my daughter will be here shortly but am terrified something will go wrong. I have group b strep and am getting worried that because my labor progressed so quickly for my last three pregnacys that i wont make it in time to get the meds. I spoke with my midwife about the concerns i have and she assured me a little. She said as soon as i feel anything go straight to labor and delivery. She would rather me get sent home then me end up going in too late. The guilt has also returned as i am getting closer. I have been going to my sons grave and just crying so much i dont wish i wasnt having my daughter but i wish i could have them both here with me. I know if my son had made it i wouldnt be having my daughter so i dont want to wish that id never had her either i just cant wait for the day when the good lord hands me back my little Elijah. Until then my heart will forever be broken.

I can't believe your 35 weeks already <3 How fast that went... I AM sure for us it went fast, not you though..:hugs::hugs: Please don't feel guilty.. I can almost guarantee Elijah is so happy about your pregnancy..It will be ok, just relax and let time pass..I say that also until i am with Ava my life is not complete..I am here for my 3 sons, I am their mommy too..But I wish people could understand when you say a part of you is missing, that you really mean it..Please continue to update, I would love that..XOXOXOOXXOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## LaceFace88

I had my little girl on june 16th. She stood in the hospital for six days because she wasnt gaining eeight and was jaundice. It was pretty scary i was nursing her every two hours and still wasnt getting enough and not getting rid of the bilirubin. It broke my heart seeing her in the isolet but luckily my milk came in good and she finally ie catching up. Thank you all for your support. I dont want to post a pic unless you all feel comfortable with it so please let me know if you would like to see a picture. Again thank you all for your support. It really helped me get through this pregnacy knowing i had you wonderful ladies supporting me. Xoxo


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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> I had my little girl on june 16th. She stood in the hospital for six days because she wasnt gaining eeight and was jaundice. It was pretty scary i was nursing her every two hours and still wasnt getting enough and not getting rid of the bilirubin. It broke my heart seeing her in the isolet but luckily my milk came in good and she finally ie catching up. Thank you all for your support. I dont want to post a pic unless you all feel comfortable with it so please let me know if you would like to see a picture. Again thank you all for your support. It really helped me get through this pregnacy knowing i had you wonderful ladies supporting me. Xoxo

OMG!! I am overjoyed for you :happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance::happydance:

I am so happy you posted, I was wondering how everything is. I am fine with you posting a picture, don't know how others feel.. I feel so happy for you, you must be over the moon :kiss::kiss:Can I ask her name? Anyway, I hope to see a picture, I am sure she is gorgeous :cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9:..I wish all the best, Congratulations :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:


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## mummy2o

LaceFace88 said:


> I had my little girl on june 16th. She stood in the hospital for six days because she wasnt gaining eeight and was jaundice. It was pretty scary i was nursing her every two hours and still wasnt getting enough and not getting rid of the bilirubin. It broke my heart seeing her in the isolet but luckily my milk came in good and she finally ie catching up. Thank you all for your support. I dont want to post a pic unless you all feel comfortable with it so please let me know if you would like to see a picture. Again thank you all for your support. It really helped me get through this pregnacy knowing i had you wonderful ladies supporting me. Xoxo

My son had jaundice when he was born. If she's going a bit yellow, just but her by a window or take her outside for some sun rays and that should help. Glad your milk came in also. I'd love to see a picture and a name.

I'm currently feeling like you did at the beginning of your post. Anxious and nervous, also lately incredible guilty about being pregnant again. Not sure why, but I feel like I haven't done enough to remember my angel son. I honestly don't feel excited at all, although I'm happy to be pregnant. Does that make sense?


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## Andypanda6570

mummy2o said:


> LaceFace88 said:
> 
> 
> I had my little girl on june 16th. She stood in the hospital for six days because she wasnt gaining eeight and was jaundice. It was pretty scary i was nursing her every two hours and still wasnt getting enough and not getting rid of the bilirubin. It broke my heart seeing her in the isolet but luckily my milk came in good and she finally ie catching up. Thank you all for your support. I dont want to post a pic unless you all feel comfortable with it so please let me know if you would like to see a picture. Again thank you all for your support. It really helped me get through this pregnacy knowing i had you wonderful ladies supporting me. Xoxo
> 
> My son had jaundice when he was born. If she's going a bit yellow, just but her by a window or take her outside for some sun rays and that should help. Glad your milk came in also. I'd love to see a picture and a name.
> 
> I'm currently feeling like you did at the beginning of your post. Anxious and nervous, also lately incredible guilty about being pregnant again. Not sure why, but I feel like I haven't done enough to remember my angel son. I honestly don't feel excited at all, although I'm happy to be pregnant. Does that make sense?Click to expand...

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: I am so happy for you XOOX


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## LaceFace88

I hope i uploaded that right. Thank you both:haha: . i completly understand the feelings of guilt and not being excited but i promise you it does get easier and you will start to become more excited as time passes and once baby is here you will feel much better. The way i have dealt with the guilt is i have decided that my daughter will know all about her big brother who is in heaven and i know he is watchong over us all especially his baby sister. It has been hard having a newborn and knowing he wont ever be here with us makes me feel very sad about that. Especially that the children will never grow up with him but i know one day we will all be together again. If you ever need anyone to talk to pm me anytime. Having someone who knows what your going through makes it even just a little bit easier to deal with knowing you are not alone. Again thank you guys soo soo much i will be kit. :hugs:
 



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## Andypanda6570

LaceFace88 said:


> I hope i uploaded that right. Thank you both:haha: . i completly understand the feelings of guilt and not being excited but i promise you it does get easier and you will start to become more excited as time passes and once baby is here you will feel much better. The way i have dealt with the guilt is i have decided that my daughter will know all about her big brother who is in heaven and i know he is watchong over us all especially his baby sister. It has been hard having a newborn and knowing he wont ever be here with us makes me feel very sad about that. Especially that the children will never grow up with him but i know one day we will all be together again. If you ever need anyone to talk to pm me anytime. Having someone who knows what your going through makes it even just a little bit easier to deal with knowing you are not alone. Again thank you guys soo soo much i will be kit. :hugs:

:cloud9::cloud9::cloud9::cloud9: OMG, she is beautiful!!!! Look at her eyes!!! :kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:Please come back every now and again to update, I know your busy so when you have time..I am over the moon happy for you, she is gorgeous..<3


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## elmaynet

My daughter was born one year and one day after the loss of our first son at 24 weeks. I too was terrified, especially until I got past the point in my pregnancy where we suffered our loss. 
Allow whatever feelings you have to exist, but always counteract it by telling your daughter how blessed you feel that she is growing inside you. She isn't a replacement and is a loved soul in her own right. The guilt is normal, just don't forget to allow yourself those moments of enjoying your daughter inside you!!


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