# So much for "Forever & Ever"...



## Mommy14

Well...where do I start...
The FOB and I had been going out for a long time (3 years this October), and then we had her. 
I love her more than anything, but he insists on putting her up for adoption. He literally just doesn't want to grow up, even though hes going to college next year. We just had an argument and I am now a single 14-year-old mom.
He really is a-I hate to say this-but a bad person. He's done a lot to hurt me, a lot to purposely hurt me, and now when I want to keep our baby he leaves me. I'm trying to be strong right now but its so hard. I know I don't need him but it hurts that after all this time and with what's happened he would just leave like that...


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## xforuiholdonx

:hugs: your better off!


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## KatVM

Congrats on the baby girl :) Maybe he will grow up when he meets your LO or at least you can hope. Things will work out for the better sweetie, I know things must be really hard. I am 17 and barely know what im doing, i can't imagine what you are currently going through. I hope things work out for you and your little one. Feel free to message me anytime!


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## Mommy14

The thing is...he's already met her. Shes 11 days old and we've been switching off with her at my house and his house.


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## Mommy14

The ridiculous thing is, he still wants to see her, but just not to take care of her or see her every day.


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## B l i n k

How old is he? :/


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## Mommy14

16, turning 17 next month


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## Jen_xx

Sorry you're going through this, hon. Just stay focused on your LO... I know it's hard but SHE needs you. It's his loss, not yours.


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## xx~Lor~xx

:hugs: What a d*ck... I'm sorry hun. You'll be fabulous without him, he sounds like a waste of space, just running away from his responsibilities.


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## MarissaFaith

forget him and focus on your LO. if he doesn't want her then you shouldn't have to switch on and off this early!! i wouldn't let the baby out of my sight till 6 months if i were you.

i'm 16 and scared outta my mind, i can't imagine how you feel. just stay strong for your little girl. :hugs:


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## sweets927121

honey hes so young hes probably young and making big mistake since itd be so hard and stressful money wise to move out brain machores better in 20s you guys are meant to be young and make mistakes so just know your beautiful your a mom your life is not over a REAL MAN WHEN UROLDER will respect you love you and date you. birth control keep that in mind and always protected sex in future god bless ur precious life hugs


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## almostXmagic

how is he 16 and going to college next year? wouldnt that make him just a sophomore right now? sorry this is random just confused. :wacko:


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## 060509.x

almostXmagic said:


> how is he 16 and going to college next year? wouldnt that make him just a sophomore right now? sorry this is random just confused. :wacko:

If they live in the UK, we go to college at 16 usually, just before we turn 17.


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## Mommy14

almostXmagic said:


> how is he 16 and going to college next year? wouldnt that make him just a sophomore right now? sorry this is random just confused. :wacko:

He's turning 17 next month


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## Mommy14

Now I've agreed to meet a potential adoptive family that lives near us...
The FOB dad went to school with them so he knows them well.
I'm regretting agreeing now...


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## Mommy14

Now I've agreed to meet a potential adoptive family that lives near us...
The FOB dad went to school with them so he knows them well.
I'm regretting agreeing now...


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## MaybeP

Seriously don't let him talk you into ANYTHING you do exactly what you want to do. It's your baby, its your body and he's the immature one running away. Don't think this is the end of your life because its only the start. As you get further along you'll get more and more excited and honestly - SCREW HIM. He sounds like a huge asshole. I wouldn't go meet that family unless you yourself are seriously considering adoption. 

My brother is dating and living with a girl that has a 3 year old daughter with someone else and my brother treats her as if she were his own. It's cute, he gets so excited for all her little milestones just like a father would and hes there for her anytime she needs. His girlfriend has told me that the father turned away from him responsibilities and that my brother spends more time with her in 2 weeks than the father has in her entire life. She didn't put him on the birth certificate because she didnt want him to have any rights to her, although she cant collect child support but she doesnt care about that at this point. 

Just know everything will work out for the best! Good luck sweetie


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## xSin

Mommy14 said:


> The ridiculous thing is, he still wants to see her, but just not to take care of her or see her every day.

Time to protect yourself AND most importantly your daughter, and put your foot down and say NO!
He can't have it both ways, this is what growing up & being an adult is all about. 

Don't enable him to play the role of "glorified babysitter" -- He's a FATHER now and its time he learned the responsibilites that go along with that role as well as the consequences that come, if he doesn't.


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## xSin

Mommy14 said:


> Now I've agreed to meet a potential adoptive family that lives near us...
> The FOB dad went to school with them so he knows them well.
> I'm regretting agreeing now...


Honey you need to get some legal advice ASAP.

Just because you're young, doesn't mean you have no rights. Do you have parents that can support your decisions and back you up on this? 

If you already regret agreeing to meet with them, I can only imagine the regret you'd have if you got pressured into giving her up and the resentment you'd hold for FOB... in the end you wouldn't have him (and he's NOT worth it from the sounds of things) and you also wouldn't have your beautiful baby girl.


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## blamesydney

Mommy14 said:


> Now I've agreed to meet a potential adoptive family that lives near us...
> The FOB dad went to school with them so he knows them well.
> I'm regretting agreeing now...

^This right here breaks my heart.

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!

I'm 16, I am about to have a daughter, and frankly, even though I'm young, if FOB said "Eh, I don't want to have to take care of her anymore, let's put her up for adoption." I'd tell him to fuck off and take it up the arse. Me and FOB aren't together anymore, but we're coparenting, and he's a huge part of her life. I've told him from the start that if he decides not to be a father to her anymore, just piss off and leave us alone, because sure, it's great having him to help me take care of her, and it's great for her to have a father, but I in no way NEED him, and neither does Scarlet.

He can't MAKE you do anything, frankly.


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## wanabmommmy

Well I'm not at pregnant teen but I'm 21 anf pregnant. Sweetie I just wanna say you don't deserve that. Women are built strong for a reason. Tell him he has a choice. Step up and be in you baby girls life, or back off and deal with child support for the next 18 years. You and your baby girl don't need a boy stepping in and out of the picture, it will be hard but 3 of my girlfriends have done it and are doing amazing. They have found men who love them unconditionally and love their babies as well. 

Chin up sweetheart. You can do anything you set your mind to. And just remember your baby girl will love you forever and always.


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## Mommy14

I have my mom to help me support her. He won't have to pay child support until he turns 18 (which is another reason he doesn't want to keep her). 
On top of that, the school guidance counselor is encouraging the adoption, shes even gone as far as to lie to him! She told him that if he has a child then he won't get financial aid for college, when in fact he'd get more because he has a kid!


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## blamesydney

Mommy14 said:


> I have my mom to help me support her. He won't have to pay child support until he turns 18 (which is another reason he doesn't want to keep her).
> On top of that, the school guidance counselor is encouraging the adoption, shes even gone as far as to lie to him! She told him that if he has a child then he won't get financial aid for college, when in fact he'd get more because he has a kid!

He just sounds like an idiot. I mean, really. "Dear god, I might have to pay MONEY! How proposterous!"

This situation infuriates me. Damn hormones. :dohh:


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## blamesydney

And might I add, I'm getting a free ride through college since I'm young and have a child. He might not be able to get a free ride judging by how stupid he sounds to have believed something like that, but he would get substancial financial compensation.

None of this is a good enough reason for him to think it's perfectly acceptable to put your daughter through an adoption process and to make her never feel like she was good enough for her parents because of it.


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## Mommy14

He thinks that it will be hard paying since he's planning on going to college next year. Also, like I said before, he doesn't want to have the responsibility of a child.


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## blamesydney

Mommy14 said:


> He thinks that it will be hard paying since he's planning on going to college next year.

My FOB thought the same thing. But he didn't think he was going to try and force me into putting her up for adoption because of it!

FOB is currently in college. He is currently buying loads of stuff for our daughter. He currently has a very shitty paying job. He is also paying child support. Sure, he can't afford to buy himself all sorts of nice new shiny things, but he sucks it up because he actually cares about his daughter.

I'm sorry to everyone that thinks I'm being harsh, it's hormones, I swear. :dohh:


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## blamesydney

Frankly I'd tell him "You know what, I'M keeping MY daughter, you can complain all you want, but you will not be seeing her anymore, and you will hear from my lawyer about child support."


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## Mommy14

I want him to be able to be in her life though...He does want to be, since he wants an open adoption. I would feel horrible keeping them apart.
Plus, he says she would have better opportunities with another family.


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## blamesydney

Mommy14 said:


> I want him to be able to be in her life though...He does want to be, since he wants an open adoption. I would feel horrible keeping them apart.
> Plus, he says she would have better opportunities with another family.

I genuinly understand you wanting him to be in her life, but what he wants is to SEE her, but not to have to lift a finger. That's not fair on you, or your daughter.
And really, who cares what he says? I mean, if you're on your own and living in a ditch, I can understand that. But with your mums support, I really believe she is always just going to want her mum. So you can't afford to send her to a private school, or get her the newest latest technology, but you can properly take care of her, and you LOVE her, and that's all that really matters.


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## Mommy14

Very true...I'm going to talk to him tonight about it, hopefully he'll change his mind. If not...oh well.


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## blamesydney

Mommy14 said:


> Very true...I'm going to talk to him tonight about it, hopefully he'll change his mind. If not...oh well.

If he doesn't, send him to me. I'm in a rotten mood and FOB is already scared of me right now. I'll beat some since into him. :haha:


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## wanabmommmy

Do not give in to him. My OH's mom had her first baby at 14 and gave him up for adoption. She never regreted anything more.. Think long and hard if you have your mom to help then keep your baby girl!! If he dosnt want the responsibility then he should have kept his penis in his pants!! Guys like this really grind my gears!!


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## MommaAlexis

If any FOB had told me to put it up for adoption or abort, I'd smack him!


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## Mommy14

I plan on keeping her...I am going to see the couple that wants to adopt her though, just to be fair. Also, the FOB's dad knows them and thinks their great, so I will at least see them. (FOB's dad is practically my dad, hes been there for me more in 2 years than my own dad has in my whole life)


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## devon_91x

So he's met his baby, and he feels he can honestly look at her and say "no, i don't want to keep her"

How heartless is that? I'm sorry i know he is your FOB but he sounds like a d**k! I don't understand how someone can not want to look after their own flesh and blood.


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## rosieroo

this upset me so much! :nope: the FOB sounds like an idiot, and at the first sign of trouble he runs.

i will admit that i have had my fair share of pregnancy scares and my OH has always said that he will stay with me and support me and he will love and care for that baby more than anything.

shes your little girl and your her mummy stand up to him and say that you dont want it i could never give up a baby that i have gone through everything with and had her around so long to conect with her. im also 14 and live in the uk and im not pregnant and dont have any children but i needed some help so i came on here and everyone has been so helpful you should listen to them. 


i hope you dont have to give up your baby girl that would be heartbreaking. xx


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## Mommy14

He's changed his mind...he'll probably stay with me either way but he still thinks we'll have a much harder time if we keep her.


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## Jen_xx

Make sure you really think about it before you just accept what he says...


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## blamesydney

Mommy14 said:


> He's changed his mind...he'll probably stay with me either way but he still thinks we'll have a much harder time if we keep her.

So what? Nobody has ever said having a baby is easy. It isn't. It WILL be hard. But it'll be COMPLETELY worth it to watch your baby grow up with you.


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## Mommy14

Good news :) I just asked him if he'll marry me if we keep her and he said yes.
(we had talked about marriage before we had her, we are really close)


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## rosieroo

that sounds good. at least youve talked and hes listened to you :) put some pics up of her :) xx


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## SusannLynnn

I'm sorry but stop thinking about what he wants, If he _REALLY_ wanted to be in her life the thought of adoption would have never crossed his mind. 

No child needs a 'dad' like that in their life. 
You should never agree to marry someone who wants to give his child away, ESPECIALLY when its YOUR child. 
Sweetie I'm sorry but you have alot of growing up to do.
Not trying to offend you or anyone else but I feel that I'm not the only one thinking it and someone needs to tell you. EVERYONE is capable of becoming a great parent and I really feel that you will, ut your "baby's daddy" not so sure about him.
Wish you the best of luck for the baby.


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## Ryders_Mommie

Wow, you are compleatly insane. I would never even thing opf putting my chikld up for adoption. You are lucky to have a amazing daughter born with no problems at all. You have no idea. I am 17 and not with my FOB. I wish he would try to tell me to put my son up for adoption. I wouls slap the dog s**t out of him. If you both layed down and had sex, you are grown enough to raise a child. Think of what you would do to your daughter if you purt her up for adoption. She would think, " Oh, I will never be good enough for mommie and daddie. " Then after he tries to get you to put your daughter up for adoption you actually consider marrying him. You have some growing up to do.


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## almostXmagic

so let me understand. this boy has met his daughter, decided he only wanted to be "half a dad", told you to put her up for adoption, and now you have agreed to marry him? im sorry but that is insane. have you even stopped to think about what would be best for your child? its time to stop thinking about what HE wants and start thinking about your daughter. do you love her? do you want to keep her? if you want to keep her then dont let him talk you out of it! if you honestly believe she would be better off with another family and you are ok with that then look into adoption. but dont keep going back and forth based on what your jerk of a boyfriend wants. be a mother first and a girlfriend second. think of your daughter first.


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## 10.11.12

Just so you know there is a teen parenting section with plenty of moms who have gone through similar things :flow: 

Please don't meet the family if you're not serious about adoption, it's not fair on them to be strung along and get excited about a baby that will never be theirs.


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## MumToBe2012

All I'm gonna say is that you're acting so selfish right now. I'm not gonna say anymore without sounding horrible.


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## blamesydney

almostXmagic said:


> so let me understand. this boy has met his daughter, decided he only wanted to be "half a dad", told you to put her up for adoption, and now you have agreed to marry him? im sorry but that is insane. have you even stopped to think about what would be best for your child? its time to stop thinking about what HE wants and start thinking about your daughter. do you love her? do you want to keep her? if you want to keep her then dont let him talk you out of it! if you honestly believe she would be better off with another family and you are ok with that then look into adoption. but dont keep going back and forth based on what your jerk of a boyfriend wants. be a mother first and a girlfriend second. think of your daughter first.

FINALLY! :dohh:


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## almostXmagic

Mommy14 said:


> *I plan on keeping her...I am going to see the couple that wants to adopt her though*, just to be fair. Also, the FOB's dad knows them and thinks their great, so I will at least see them. (FOB's dad is practically my dad, hes been there for me more in 2 years than my own dad has in my whole life)

that is not fair to them in any means.:nope: they have likely been waiting a VERY long time on the adoption list to have a child and you are stringing them along getting their hopes up and making them think they actually have a chance to adopt your baby. thats absolutely horrible.


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## emmylou92

I dont think its totaly fair to call him all the jerks under the sun,, giving up a baby isabig choice and takes alot from a parent to make a choice like that. There area million reasons 
People choseto let someone elsebring up their child. For me, i couldnt do it, but i dont thinkthat makes someone bad for giving their child up. It dosent mean those parents love that child any less.

Anyway, i think you are bang out of order going to meet a family that are desperate for a baby, when you have no intention of giving them yours. I also think your crazy for marrying this boy, he dosen't sound like he knows whats he wants from one moment to the next.

I really think you and he need to have along chat!


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## pinkribbon

I agree with a lot of what's already been said so I'll not repeat it.

To me it sounds like you care more about what your boyfriend thinks than what your daughter needs. Men can come and go but your daughter will always be yours, just remember that.


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## MaybeP

Just so you know - you do need to be 18 to get married without parental consent where you are, are your parents going to agree to this? I would concentrate on your LO and if it happens that you're still together when you're 18 then discuss marriage. It will prove you can handle life together with a baby. Divorces are expensive so don't get into something like that unless you're absolutely sure


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## Mommy14

MaybeP said:


> Just so you know - you do need to be 18 to get married without parental consent where you are, are your parents going to agree to this? I would concentrate on your LO and if it happens that you're still together when you're 18 then discuss marriage. It will prove you can handle life together with a baby. Divorces are expensive so don't get into something like that unless you're absolutely sure

Not if there's a child involved. If that's the case, its basically any age (without parental consent, seeing as having a child emancipates you.)
And I've done some thinking and I do NOT want to be with him. He won't let me leave though... :nope:


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## blamesydney

Mommy14 said:


> MaybeP said:
> 
> 
> Just so you know - you do need to be 18 to get married without parental consent where you are, are your parents going to agree to this? I would concentrate on your LO and if it happens that you're still together when you're 18 then discuss marriage. It will prove you can handle life together with a baby. Divorces are expensive so don't get into something like that unless you're absolutely sure
> 
> Not if there's a child involved. If that's the case, its basically any age (without parental consent, seeing as having a child emancipates you.)
> And I've done some thinking and I do NOT want to be with him. He won't let me leave though... :nope:Click to expand...

Because he has a choice as to whether or not you leave... :dohh:


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## SusannLynnn

Mommy14 said:


> MaybeP said:
> 
> 
> Just so you know - you do need to be 18 to get married without parental consent where you are, are your parents going to agree to this? I would concentrate on your LO and if it happens that you're still together when you're 18 then discuss marriage. It will prove you can handle life together with a baby. Divorces are expensive so don't get into something like that unless you're absolutely sure
> 
> Not if there's a child involved. If that's the case, its basically any age (without parental consent, seeing as having a child emancipates you.)
> And I've done some thinking and I do NOT want to be with him. He won't let me leave though... :nope:Click to expand...


He cant _not let_ you leave. NO man can EVER hold you down. Your your own person, YOU make your decisions not him, stand up for your self and your daughter. :thumbup:


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## pinkribbon

Wss ^


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## aliss

Honey you are 14 and only 2 weeks postpartum, right? You don't need to be making life-changing decisions right now, few women are thinking logically and without emotion at 2 weeks postpartum. You're 14 - you have SO MUCH life ahead of you right now. Your instincts are telling you to keep your baby - keep her, nuture her, help her grow, and as time goes on and you're feeling more like yourself again and have gained more experience through this first year of motherhood, then that's when you can start looking harder at things. For now, just feed your baby and sleep, your world is your tiny baby, the rest of the world INCLUDING HIM can wait until later.


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## 10.11.12

I know you're probably sick of hearing this but don't make decisions like this now! two weeks pp (and being a young teen) puts A LOT of hormones in your body and that effects your decision making. Just wait it out.


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## MaybeP

What do you mean he won't let you leave? Isn't he living at his house and your living at your house? Just tell him its over and ignore his phone calls/texts and let your parents know so they won't let him in. 

Did you list him on the birth certificate btw?


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## ttcmikeandme

Don't normally post in this section (not a teen ) but saw this yesterday when I was scrolling down to baby club and wanted to post.

I know you are 14, but you now have a child so need to start thinking like a mature adult. I was confused reading that you want to be with FOB, then don't, then ask him to marry you, then talk about emancipating yourself to marry him, then don't want to marry him but he won't let you leave however you live with your mom that supports you?

The biggest thing is that you are thinking of your LO first right now. No one can tell you what plan you should follow but you, but start thinking what is going to be best for my child. Do I have the stability (emotionally, financially) to raise this child....if not how can I get stable or is adoption an option? Also you mentioned your mom will support you; that's great for now but it isn't fair for financial support to be on your mom, you need to start thinking about a plan to get your education/career going to support your child.

Hope this doesn't offend anyone, I have not been in your shoes, but my mother was a young teen mom and I grew up with her telling me what she had to do to survive/how hard it was.


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## almostXmagic

i just think you need to work on growing up. your obviously very young and still very immature emotionally. you dont need to be making these kind of decisions right now. focus on YOUR baby and no one else. at the end of the day your daughter is the only one who should matter.


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## Jen_xx

Minnesota law states...

Applicants 18 years of age may obtain a license. It is necessary to provide proof of age.

Applicants between the ages of 15 and 18 must have the consent of a parent, guardian or the judge of juvenile court.


Applicants under the age of 15 needs the written consent of a parent of guardian and the consent of a juvenile court judge. 


Regardless if a minor child belonging to the minor is involved. 


You really need to slow it down, take a breather, and concentrate on growing up for you and your little one. The baby is what is important right now. And this person can't MAKE you be with him. You are your own person. That's the beauty of being you. No one can make you do stuff (in this sense) that you don't want to do. Try and stay focused on being a new mommy. This drama is too much to take in when you're only a few weeks PP. Enjoy your bundle of joy. :)


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## KiwiMOM

I agree with everything that has been said so far..

I went off to google marriage laws in NZ because I was like "does this mean me and my OH don't have to wait to get married!" (not that we are seriously considering this any time soon) and after a good 5 minutes realised we are both 19 and therefore can get married whenever we choose :dohh:


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## aliss

Age of consent in Minnesota (OP's state) is 16 with guardian permission and 18 without.

A court will not emancipate a minor who has a child. The point of emancipation is to prove you are financially and socially responsible for yourself, having a child while underage negates this. This is in all states. Legal emancipation is not the same as medical emancipation (having a child _does_ *medically* emancipate a minor but they are still under the legal control of the guardian)

So really it's all just a moot point.... none of this is legal for the OP for another 2 years anyways so there's no need for her to even think about it.


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## emmylou92

Really......is this still going.....


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## B l i n k

emmylou92 said:


> Really......is this still going.....

I was just about to post this.. 
:coffee:


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## AnnabelsMummy

personally i just feel OP needs to grow up and put that little child first? Having read it all.. 

surely you must have thought about what you were gunna do throughout your pregnancy?


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## Vickie

B l i n k said:


> emmylou92 said:
> 
> 
> Really......is this still going.....
> 
> I was just about to post this..
> :coffee:Click to expand...

It wasn't until it was brought back up today :shrug:


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## Jen_xx

I was simply curious to the laws and because she was obviously misinformed (i didn't read other post) I wanted to post HER state laws. 


Why do things always have to be made into a big deal?


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## motherearth23

pinkribbon said:


> I agree with a lot of what's already been said so I'll not repeat it.
> 
> To me it sounds like you care more about what your boyfriend thinks than what your daughter needs. Men can come and go but your daughter will always be yours, just remember that.

You need to be a role model for your daughter for when she is YOUR age. Strong mothers raise strong teenaged women. Besides, you have no business getting married until you're at least 18. A lot can happen in 4 years. You will have a young child, no longer a baby. Just because this guy gave you a baby doesn't mean he is your soul mate. There are plenty of men out there who have no problem raising a child who isn't their own. They are crazy about the mother and love the kid like their own. You need to get some space from the FOB. You have plenty of time to decide about marriage. Focus on her and her only. Do not go with adoption unless it is what you know to be true and right on the inside. Most girls who go through with adoption knew it was their choice from pregnancy.

Good luck to you sweetheart. Stay strong. You don't need a boy in your life when you are busy becoming a WOMAN. Hold out for a man who can respect you and ALL of your choices. <3


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## Mommy14

Things with FOB are over. He's done too much this time...and he still wants me to put her up for adoption. I am going to keep her.


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## Linzi_x

he is clearly a prat! he will look back at this one day and regret every last thing he did to you. you are a strong girl :) you're better off without him. he sounds like a waste of space.


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## LittlePeople

He doesn't deserve you or LO! You'll be better off looking after your gorgeous girl yourself! xx


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## mixedbeautyx

Im glad you finally made a good decision based on what YOU want.


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## Mommy14

Yea :) And now, I'm having my best friend keeping me to it and not going back to him.


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## hollsarena

How are you holding up Mommy 14?


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## Jslyn9996

Hope you are doing well


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## Mummy1995

Glad you've made a good decision! He's not worth your trouble, and it will be HIM who misses out in the long run.. Yeah you may be hurt from the split, but you have a gorgeous baby, and what does he have? Nothing. Because he is unable to grow up and take responsibility.

I wish you the very best, and stick to your decision, otherwise he will walk all over you! :flower: x


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## seraphina

Hi I'm seraphina and I'm also 14 and a single mum! I had my baby girl wen I was 13 and my FOB decided (well actually it was more his mum) that he wasn't ready to be a dad.
I'm really sorry you've had to go through this!! If you need someone to chat to please feel free to PM me about anything!! 
Seraphina xxxx


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## MrsEngland

Keep strong for your little girl hun, she needs you and he sounds like he's a waste of space.


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